# Needing advice concerning Homosexuallity.



## Ilovethewayyoulove (Dec 19, 2013)

If you are homophobic please don't read this post. I am a real person with a real problem. Not a troll.

First, I've tried being with men for 10 years. I REALLY tried. I'm 30. I never got the courage to kiss a guy until I was 28. And that was just a male friend who encouraged me to at least try and not be afriad. It was werid but, I soon realized I wasn't interested in him either. (he was the hottest guy I've ever been with) At the same time I couldn't bring myself to have sex with him. Anyway I cut things off with him. A few months later I fell in love with a woman. She broke my heart because, she was striaght. Then I fell for another women. She was straight as well. Then I fell in love with a lesbian. We went our separate ways. I fell in love with three women in this year alone. I've never fallen for a guy like this. I can't help but, fall in love with women. I feel God understand me. I beleive He helps me. I beleive He is okay with me. I love God. I'm truely hurting. Is there anyone who can give me advice out there? My mom hates me because, I lesbian. (I have to live with her because, its cheaper that way since I'm in college. 
Again, is there anyone who understands me? I really need encouragement.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Ilovethewayyoulove said:


> If you are homophobic please don't read this post. I am a real person with a real problem. Not a troll.
> 
> First, I've tried being with men for 10 years. I REALLY tried. I'm 30. I never got the courage to kiss a guy until I was 28. And that was just a male friend who encouraged me to at least try and not be afriad. It was werid but, I soon realized I wasn't interested in him either. (he was the hottest guy I've ever been with) At the same time I couldn't bring myself to have sex with him. Anyway I cut things off with him. A few months later I fell in love with a woman. She broke my heart because, she was striaght. Then I fell for another women. She was straight as well. Then I fell in love with a lesbian. We went our separate ways. I fell in love with three women in this year alone. I've never fallen for a guy like this. I can't help but, fall in love with women. I feel God understand me. I beleive He helps me. I beleive He is okay with me. I love God. I'm truely hurting. Is there anyone who can give me advice out there? My mom hates me because, I lesbian. (I have to live with her because, its cheaper that way since I'm in college.
> Again, is there anyone who understands me? I really need encouragement.



Just because this one hot guy didn't do it for you, doesn't mean you don't like guys. Just not that one.

I'm not scared of people who have same sex. Definitely not homophobic. I've worked with men and women who lived the gay lifestyles and get along just great.

When I was younger, teens, I could of probably had sex with a guy or two. But I chose not to go that path because I am a God fearing man. If I would of, who really knows?!

God loves us all equally just not the sins we commit.

Some will say you are born gay and some will say its not primarily genetic for obvious biological reasons (genes never passed on, no kids) and its something else.

Everyone should be able to live their lives in peace, free from persecution and harassment.

If I tried to be with the ladies for 10 years but didn't find the one that rung my bell, does that then make me gay? no. You just haven't found that one guy yet. Some find their match right away and some take a lifetime. Some get married and some stay single for their life.

Why did you pursue a straight woman? Set yourself up.:scratchhead:

God understands you, yes. He understands us all. When you believe, you make an effort to turn from what you normally would do, God tells us are sins. Or you can dive into them and say I'm born that way and make no effort. God understands what you are going through.

In secular society, no God, the sky is the limit to what you can do. Anything goes. You think and feel it, just do it.

Do you, a smart woman in her prime, must have sex with the ladies? no. You are choosing to do so. The more you do it, the more it becomes normal to you. That goes for just about everything in life when you think about it. Do something enough times, its normal and second nature.

This is something you and you alone are going to have to deal with. Either you are God fearing and put aside your desires for the ladies as part of the faith and to God, or you don't and go along with secular society.

This is all your choice and it doesn't matter what your mom thinks.

If you are wanting to stop having sex with the ladies, stop living with them in college. Some sacrifice there but its all up to you.

If I was rooming with a few hotties, turns out they are high sex drive ladies and want sex with me often (friend with benefits), I can either chose to have sex with them or move in with the guys and get rid of my temptation.

I wish you all the best in life, full of peace. Cheers.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

sounds like you are an unlucky lesbian. Keep trying.

Have you actually had straight and lesbian sex? In other words, have you ever had a penis in your vagina? Have you licked another woman's vagina, and she licked yours?

If not, I strongly recommend you try both, at least a couple times. If so, which did you enjoy more? If you went online to watch porn, what would you pick, lesbian porn or straight porn, or maybe even something else?

I guess what I am trying to understand is if you actually had sex and what _your body is telling you _you liked better.

and you do realize you can do both, be bi-sexual, which is more common. College is a time to experiment, find out all sorts of things about life. I am sure there are gay/lesbian clubs you can join to find other lesbians to have a relationship with. See what your body tells you turns you on, then follow that lust! Life is too short to not have a great sex life!

there are apps for your phone like FindHrr to help you hook up. there are sex sites ;you can chat and cam with lesbians to see if you are sexually attracted that way. Just wait until its 1 am and mom is sleeping. if you are truly lesbian, you will be dying to reconnect with women you find there


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Your mom hates herself because of some percieved inadequacy in her own vision of herself. She is taking it out on you. She may come around. Speaking as a father, I will love my children no matter who they choose to love.
In the meantime, it s up to you examine your paths and see which one is right for you. I have a few female friends who went through a time when they switched teams.
It does not make them any worse of a person and it made them happy at the time. Be true to yourself and honor your nature.
There is nothing "wrong" with you.
It's just time to find out who you really are.

It CAN be scary because its not what everyone expects, but they will come around. The reactions you see are not "to you or your choices", but rather the person's beliefs and conceptions.

Good luck to you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm not really sure what you need advice on since you don't say...

But if you are a lesbian, then you are a lesbian. You shouldn't feel bad about it.

The only thing is I would caution you to stop going after straight women because it will only end with your feelings hurt.

You say you have "fallen in love" three times this year alone--that seems a bit much to me. Maybe you attach too easily to people--but we're only in the seventh month this year and having "fallen in love" three times already seems quite excessive to me.

Learn to love yourself.

That sucks your mom hates you because you're a lesbian, but realize, that is her problem, not yours. Hopefully one day she will come around. if she doesn't, it really and truly is her loss. I have no doubt that she will live to regret it.

Surround yourself with people who make you feel good and encourage you and are your friends full of love and support.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon Ilovethewayyoulove

I am not competent to comment on the religious implications of homosexuality, I sure wish God would stop by and clarify a few things. It seems though that god made you the way you are, why wouldn't he want you to be happy?

If you are attracted to women, then I see absolutely no reason why you should not be with women. It will make you happy. It will make your partner happy. Your being happy should be enough for anyone who loves you. 

If your mother is worried about grandchildren, surely she wouldn't want you to live in an unhappy relationship and raise children in an unhappy family? 

What is the other choice? You could try being with men even if you don't want to. You would be unhappy. They would be unhappy - who wants to live with someone who isn't attracted to them. 

Or, you could live alone for your life - again you would be unhappy and to what benefit. 

So I see no reason at all you shouldn't be with women. You should do whatever makes you happy, with the only limit being that you don't hurt anyone, and that you are honest with your partners. 

If you happen to live somewhere where homosexuality is discouraged, move to somewhere where it is acceptable - the world is a very small place these days. San Francisco, Amsterdam, etc are only a plane flight away.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

murphy5 said:


> sounds like you are an unlucky lesbian. Keep trying.
> 
> *Have you actually had straight and lesbian sex? In other words, have you ever had a penis in your vagina? Have you licked another woman's vagina, and she licked yours?*
> 
> ...


I find this post really ignorant. You are essentially telling her she doesn't know what her sexual preference is which says more about you then it does about her. Why can't you believe that she is actually a lesbian and you are telling her to "try" a bunch of different things? It's not on you to tell her who she should sleep with or what she should discover sexually if she has already said she is a lesbian.

People who use this argument with gays make me shake my head in disbelief. I always say, if it's a male saying this to a lesbian, then maybe you should try sleeping with a man to see if you are really straight. Would you do that or like if someone said that to you after you told them you are straight? Or if they told you you don't really know if you're straight because you have never been with a man and that you can't be certain of what your sexual preference is. It's like the discredit what the person is saying and can't believe they could actually be gay. And Murphy, if you are a female, just reverse the roles.

People know who they are attracted to way before they have sex with someone. I sure as heck did way before I ever had my first kiss.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> I find this post really ignorant. You are essentially telling her she doesn't know what her sexual preference is which says more about you then it does about her. Why can't you believe that she is actually a lesbian and you are telling her to "try" a bunch of different things? It's not on you to tell her who she should sleep with or what she should discover sexually if she has already said she is a lesbian.
> 
> People who use this argument with gays make me shake my head in disbelief. I always say, if it's a male saying this to a lesbian, then maybe you should try sleeping with a man to see if you are really straight. Would you do that or like if someone said that to you after you told them you are straight? Or if they told you you don't really know if you're straight because you have never been with a man and that you can't be certain of what your sexual preference is.
> 
> People know who they are attracted to way before they have sex with someone. I sure as heck did way before I ever had my first kiss.


I thought he was just trying to reassure her, by showing her how she could absolutely trust her sense of her own sexuality. I thought she would read it and say, Nope, I don't need to try it out. I know who I am!

Could there be different ways of interpreting his post?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why would someone even feel the need to tell a gay person that? Seriously. 

And I think it's a pretty messed up thing that some people say to gay people. 

"HOW DO YOU KNOW you are really gay? Have you ever licked a p-ssy? Have you ever had some d!ck in you? If not, you should totally do it."

It's ignorant and essentially saying the person can't really be for real or know what they like/want/what their sexual preference is.

Like when some men tell lesbians "You just haven't had some good d!ck...I/someone could change you."


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Why would someone even feel the need to tell a gay person that? Seriously.
> 
> And I think it's a pretty messed up thing that some people say to gay people.
> 
> ...


I agree with this! I'm pretty sure I'm straight, even though I've never tried giving a BJ...

To the OP, even though I'm not a lady... You seem to "fall in love" easily, but with the wrong people. Rather than being concerned with your sexual orientation, what about accepting who you are, and work on your people picker? As far as support goes, what about finding a local gay/lesbian group? Many schools have them. There's MeetUp groups in many areas. Even if you're not looking for a partner, there will be people that are going through the same things you are. 

Good luck! 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Ilovethewayyoulove said:


> If you are homophobic please don't read this post. I am a real person with a real problem. Not a troll.
> 
> First, I've tried being with men for 10 years. I REALLY tried. I'm 30. I never got the courage to kiss a guy until I was 28. And that was just a male friend who encouraged me to at least try and not be afriad. It was werid but, I soon realized I wasn't interested in him either. (he was the hottest guy I've ever been with) At the same time I couldn't bring myself to have sex with him. Anyway I cut things off with him. A few months later I fell in love with a woman. She broke my heart because, she was striaght. Then I fell for another women. She was straight as well. Then I fell in love with a lesbian. We went our separate ways. I fell in love with three women in this year alone. I've never fallen for a guy like this. I can't help but, fall in love with women. I feel God understand me. I beleive He helps me. I beleive He is okay with me. I love God. I'm truely hurting. Is there anyone who can give me advice out there? My mom hates me because, I lesbian. (I have to live with her because, its cheaper that way since I'm in college.
> Again, is there anyone who understands me? I really need encouragement.


I'm not sure the same dynamics apply in seem sex relationships as heterosexual.
But falling in love three times this year sounds a bit much.

However , you seem to have your sexuality sorted out , and know your interests.
So maybe you're trying a bit too hard or looking for love in the wrong places.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

OP, you sound like most of the lesbians I know. They were simply more emotionally drawn to other women than they were to men. There wasn't that "IT" thing between them and men, and it was there for women. You do seem a bit amorous or quick to fall in love. Is it affection that you're desperate for?

You don't control this and can't change it. So you're now struggling with accepting yourself and fitting that identity into your beliefs and existing relationships. You're not abnormal. I suggest speaking to other gay/lesbian people about their experiences and discovery... and how they reconciled beliefs and dealt with relationships.

As a believer, I'll give you what I commonly hear from gays/lesbians on their belief, never mind that I'm an atheist. If he didn't want you to be tall, would he have made you tall? You can't change it. If no one can control who they're attracted to, then aren't you exactly as he wanted you to be? You're perfect as you are.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

My vision of god is he looks upon us as a parent looks upon their children. He/she loves us unconditionally. May not love all the things we do but will love us despite them. 

Personally, I do not believe homosexuality is a sin. I think there was a time when the church had a vested interest in growing it's population base and homosexuality was condemned because it did not serve the church's interest. 

My thoughts are anything we do that knowingly hurts others is a sin. I don't see having sex with another adult of the same sex as meeting this criteria. 

Personally I think you should explore the various options in an open and respectful way. Once you figure out what truly makes you happy pursue that lifestyle without guilt.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Ilovethewayyou love
one more comment: IF you are unsure of your sexuality, then please be careful about getting into a committed long term relationship. Casual relationships are fine, but it wouldn't be fair for someone to fall deeply in love with you and then discover that they cannot be what your want. 

Once you are (fairly) sure, then please enjoy being with women (or men if your interests change in the future)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

richardsharpe said:


> * IF you are unsure of your sexuality*, then please be careful about getting into a committed long term relationship.
> 
> Once you are (fairly) sure, then please enjoy being with women (or men if your interests change in the future)


Nowhere in her post did she say she was unsure of her sexuality. This thread is about her being gay.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

If anyone needs clarification as to whether it is a sin or not, there should be no doubt that there is. It is stated in the bible SEVERAL times that it is. It starts out in Leviticus 18:22, but that's not good enough for some people since it's the old testament, so it is again made clear throughout the new testament that homosexuals will NOT inherit the kingdom of God in Romans 1:18-32, 1 Timothy 1:8-10, Jude 7, and ESPECIALLY 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.

I am not homophobic, I am only giving you this information since you stated you are a Christian. You believe God told you it's okay that you are gay, that is not true. The spirit will NEVER contradict the word. God would not have put in the bible that those practicing homosexuality will not inherit the kingdom of God if he was going to tell people in the future that he was okay with THEM being gay, but only them. That's just not true. If you are a Christian and desire to enter the kingdom of God (heaven) one day, then you must not practice homosexuality. God loves you very much and only wants the best for you.

You obviously have not found the right person yet. I agree with what other people say, if you find men "hot" then you are attracted to men in a sexual way. The man you interacted with was not the right one and you didn't have chemistry with him.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

ariel_angel77 said:


> If anyone needs clarification as to whether it is a sin or not, there should be no doubt that there is.


I suppose that would depend on whether you take the bible word for word doesn't it? Or, being written by man guided by God, could the bible itself be fallible? Can man, even guided by God, do anything at all with total infallibility?

If it is infallible because it was communicated by God and God communicates perfectly, how can any two people receive a different message from perfect communication? How can any text, in which a million ambiguities of language and definition can exist, be thought to be a form of perfect communication? Why would a perfect communicator communicate with as poor a medium as text, or language... when, being omnipotent, he could simply impart this knowledge directly into your mind with zero influence of man?

Honestly, I tend to think anyone who takes the bible word for word hasn't read the bible beyond the parts they've been fed in church.

btw... I think some men are hot... and I damn sure don't want to have sex with them. Ryan Gosling... totally hot.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I suppose that would depend on whether you take the bible word for word doesn't it? Or, being written by man, could the bible itself be fallible?
> 
> If it is infallible because it was communicated by God and God communicates infallibly, how can any two people receive a different message from such perfect communication?
> 
> Honestly, I tend to think anyone who takes the bible word for word hasn't read the bible beyond the parts they've been fed in church.


What, are you thinking the fact that there's 19 "versions" of the bible might mean there's room for different ways to interpret something? Crazy talk!

In any case, most of the biblical references to homosexuality are male-based. Lesbians get a hall pass. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ariel_angel77 said:


> If anyone needs clarification as to whether it is a sin or not, there should be no doubt that there is.


That is your opinion. 

[/QUOTE]I am not homophobic, I am only giving you this information since you stated you are a Christian. [/QUOTE]

She did not state she was a Christian. 



ariel_angel77 said:


> You believe God told you it's okay that you are gay, that is not true.


She did not say this.




ariel_angel77 said:


> The spirit will NEVER contradict the word. God would not have put in the bible that those practicing homosexuality will not inherit the kingdom of God if he was going to tell people in the future that he was okay with THEM being gay, but only them. That's just not true. If you are a Christian and desire to enter the kingdom of God (heaven) one day, then you must not practice homosexuality. God loves you very much and only wants the best for you.




What's that whole thing about judging?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening jellybeans
I was just considering that she had tried to date men for 10 years and suggested that she might be unsure. If she is sure, that is great, and my caution doesn't apply. 




Jellybeans said:


> Nowhere in her post did she say she was unsure of her sexuality. This thread is about her being gay.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening ariel_angel77
Very few Christians follow all of the rules in the bible to the letter. For example many Christains see nothing wrong with violating the COMMANDMENT about keeping the Sabbath holy. :FIREdevil:

From my point of view, people are welcome to follow whatever religious laws they wish, as long as those laws don't lead them to hurt others. In this case there are many religious people (christian and other) who do not believe homosexuality is a sin. I make no claims of knowing the mind of God so I cannot take a religious stand of my own here.






ariel_angel77 said:


> If anyone needs clarification as to whether it is a sin or not, there should be no doubt that there is. It is stated in the bible SEVERAL times that it is. It starts out in Leviticus 18:22, but that's not good enough for some people since it's the old testament, so it is again made clear throughout the new testament that homosexuals will NOT inherit the kingdom of God in Romans 1:18-32, 1 Timothy 1:8-10, Jude 7, and ESPECIALLY 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.
> 
> I am not homophobic, I am only giving you this information since you stated you are a Christian. You believe God told you it's okay that you are gay, that is not true. The spirit will NEVER contradict the word. God would not have put in the bible that those practicing homosexuality will not inherit the kingdom of God if he was going to tell people in the future that he was okay with THEM being gay, but only them. That's just not true. If you are a Christian and desire to enter the kingdom of God (heaven) one day, then you must not practice homosexuality. God loves you very much and only wants the best for you.
> 
> You obviously have not found the right person yet. I agree with what other people say, if you find men "hot" then you are attracted to men in a sexual way. The man you interacted with was not the right one and you didn't have chemistry with him.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

The OP hasn't said what exactly she needs advice about. Let's not turn this into a heated religious discussion until she provides more clarification. If she wants this to be a religious discussion, I'll move the thread to the appropriate forum.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'd be more concerned with the fact that you fall for a love interest way too fast. 3 in one year is too many.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

intheory said:


> I agree with Jellybeans and Lila, except; OP referred to the guy she tried kissing as "the hottest guy she had ever been with".
> 
> Maybe it's just semantics; but describing someone as "hot", (as opposed to "good looking"), seems to describe sexual attraction.


Eh, not really. I think Matthew Bomer is a HOT (gay) men but that doesn't mean I'd be into him or want to sleep with him.



sinnister said:


> I'd be more concerned with the fact that you fall for a love interest way too fast. 3 in one year is too many.


Agree. That to me seems excessive. But I'm one of those who hardly ever falls in love so to me it sounds super crazy whack.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Not only is she falling in love "frequently", she's also fallen in love with unavailable (to her) women. Do these women know that they're a love interest of yours? If you're falling in love with someone before you're actually dating them, there's a problem. If you're "dating" straight people, do they know that it's a date, or do they just think you're hanging out as friends? In any case, your people picker is broken. As mentioned earlier...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Miss_Conduct (Jul 12, 2014)

CuddleBug said:


> God loves us all equally just not the sins we commit.
> 
> Some will say you are born gay and some will say its not primarily genetic for obvious biological reasons (genes never passed on, no kids) and its something else.


First, homosexuality is not a sin. Not only is there no harm involved, there's no choice. Sexual orientation, along with other typical male and female characteristics, is determined by androgen levels in utero:

Prenatal hormones and sexual orientation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

JSTOR: An Error Occurred Setting Your User Cookie

Sexuality: Your Telltale Fingertips | Psychology Today


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## Miss_Conduct (Jul 12, 2014)

CuddleBug said:


> God loves us all equally just not the sins we commit.
> 
> Some will say you are born gay and some will say its not primarily genetic for obvious biological reasons (genes never passed on, no kids) and its something else.


It can't be a sin because same sex sexual orientation is caused in utero by abnormal androgen levels. Those affected had no choice.

Prenatal hormones and sexual orientation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Homosexuality as a consequence of epigenetically ... [Q Rev Biol. 2012] - PubMed - NCBI

Fetal androgens also affect other sex linked characteristics like finger length ratios. Lesbians have finger length ratios typical of men, not heterosexual women.

http://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitst...fer_between_opposite-sex_twins.pdf?sequence=1

As for the idea that God would make people attracted to their own sex and expect them to refrain from forming those attachments is really just too silly for words.


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## Ilovethewayyoulove (Dec 19, 2013)

I have never had sex. Just foreplay with a guy but, I couldn't bring myself to...um...open his pants because, I think that a Pe*** looks gross. Last time I saw one it was with my other ex and it killed my sex drive..it was just gross. :-(
I just love women ...ALOT! Since I've gotten hurt so much this year I'm not quick to fall in love again. My heart has somewhat hearten. I am a Christian. I love God. I've asked Him for men and have gotten nothing. I ask Him for a girlfriend and now there are alot of oppurtunities. I'm starting to see a lesbian right now. I guessing that's why God never answered my questions about finding a male mate since, I was a lesbian. That's just my take on it. I could be wrong. It feels so right.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

That's just familiarization I think. A penis looks outright gross to you probably because you're not used to seeing them.

But besides that, it's called bumping uglies for a reason. You adjust and when you do, you will enjoy seeing that ugly thing. A vagina certainly isn't any prettier. haha


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## Ilovethewayyoulove (Dec 19, 2013)

Well I just met someone online. She is truely amazing. We are very much inlove. We just click. We have been through the same things in life. I love her like silly. She is the first woman I've been with. When I kiss her it feels like I'm home. Like I finally found what I am. A lesbian.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

I think it is easy to love many things about a person. 

There are many different types of love.

Understand who you are and what you want and are willing to give/get in your life. 

Do not give up so easily because you feel like the time simply hasn't come yet.

Stick with your faith regardless of someone else negatively affecting your views of it, or it causing you struggle.

We have one life to live. I wish you well with love and happiness!!!

This too, can also be in just a friend.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

ariel_angel77 said:


> If anyone needs clarification as to whether it is a sin or not, there should be no doubt that there is. It is stated in the bible SEVERAL times that it is
> 
> You believe God told you it's okay that you are gay, that is not true. God would not have put in the bible that those practicing homosexuality will not inherit the kingdom of God if he was going to tell people in the future that he was okay with THEM being gay, but only them. That's just not true. If you are a Christian and desire to enter the kingdom of God (heaven) one day, then you must not practice homosexuality.


Well of course you're right, it's explicitly stated in the Bible that homosexuality is a sin, but do you really think she's going to accept that and give up her new found gayness?

Of course not.

Christians rewrite the Bible to suit their own needs.

ALL the time.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

OP, if you're in college and falling in love so quickly I suggest you spend some time pondering what love really is. I think it's great that you seem to feel an instant connection and embrace it so easily. But don't confuse that connection with love. They're not one in the same. What usually happens with those instant connections is they burn hot then fizzle out pretty quickly.

If you're experiencing these connections, you follow them and declare love, what has been the cause of those relationship ending?

Are you coming on too strong? While everyone can feel an instant connection for no discernible reason, most people tend to be more circumspective and approach the developing relationship with caution because they understand that love takes time, not just a chemically based reaction.

While I'm no expert on homosexuality, my understanding is that becoming highly attached too quickly is a common problem for young ones. Maybe it's because they spent so many years feeling like an outsider, like they don't fit anywhere, that when they do find someone they connect with it's a shock and they interpret that as love when it's not love. My understanding is that the newly out tend to go through a LOT of love before they understand the difference between love and feeling accepted and connected. I think this might be what you're going through.

It's like you've lived in a country that doesn't speak your language so no one has ever really understood you. But now you're meeting people who speak your language, understand you, and so you cling to them putting more significance on to that understanding then it warrants.

Slow down girl. There is plenty of time to find real love. Stop calling it love and start calling it deep attraction.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Stop calling it love and start calling it deep attraction.


I would have said, 'infatuation'...


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
She is happy and in love, and infatuated, and all those wonderful things that happen when you are young. Fantastic. 

Sure the reality is that she will probably not spend the rest of her life with the women, but few people spend the rest of their lives with their first love - though I did..

She should enjoy life, be happy. It may last, it may not, but love is a wonderful thing, enjoy it while you can.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Ilovethewayyoulove said:


> Well I just met someone online........ We are very much inlove. .


uh, do you really understand what "in love" means? You can not just meet someone, and the next day "be in love" with her! :rofl:
you have to get to know each other first, over a period of time.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I would have said, 'infatuation'...


Yes, infatuation is a much better word!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Strictures on homosexuality constructed thousands of years ago before an understanding of it, for a tribal society, stretches practicality and morality if taken literally. And if they are, then all strictures should be applicable.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

OP I'm so sorry that your mum is the way she is about you being gay . One of my brothers is gay and I'm so glad we have the parents we do. They love us unconditionally, always have. I can't imagine how much it must hurt to be rejected over something you can't control or change.

There's no rush to find "the one". You're still new to the world of relationships. Just take it slow...she's out there waiting for you...when the time is right, you'll find each other.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Ilovethewayyoulove said:


> I feel God understand me. I beleive He helps me. I beleive He is okay with me. I love God. I'm truely hurting. Is there anyone who can give me advice out there? My mom hates me because, I lesbian. (I have to live with her because, its cheaper that way since I'm in college.
> Again, is there anyone who understands me? I really need encouragement.


There is no prohibition against lesbian sex in the bible. 

Many homophobic people try to use the bible to legitimise their bigotry, just as racists used the bible to legitimise racism in Apartheid South Africa. Ignore them and be true to yourself. It is the only route to happiness.


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## Miss_Conduct (Jul 12, 2014)

ariel_angel77 said:


> If anyone needs clarification as to whether it is a sin or not, there should be no doubt that there is. It is stated in the bible SEVERAL times that it is. It starts out in Leviticus 18:22, but that's not good enough for some people since it's the old testament, so it is again made clear throughout the new testament that homosexuals will NOT inherit the kingdom of God.


Do you follow kosher dietary practices? Do you put to death people you observe working on the sabbath or rape victims, homosexuals and women who lie about their virginity?

Actions punishable by death in the Old Testament - RationalWiki

Some truths are unchanging, others have to be seen in the cultural context that gave rise to them.

Another problem with reading the Bible literally is that it was originally written in Hebrew, Greek and Aramaic. Words that had multiple meanings in those languages are often translated into English words that have a single meaning or a different set of meanings. So unless you're reading the original text it's easy to over interpret what's been said.

And yes, I consider myself a Christian, but I belong to a church that ordains men and women and welcomes all, regardless of their sexual orientation.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

Ilovethewayyoulove said:


> If you are homophobic please don't read this post. I am a real person with a real problem. Not a troll.
> 
> First, I've tried being with men for 10 years. I REALLY tried. I'm 30.


Okay, first of all, I'm a lesbian, so at least I know somewhat where you're coming from. Second, you don't need to try guys or anyone else to know that you're NOT into them (certainly trying multiple times will not change things, other than deepening the wrongness and/or conflict you feel). I've been through what you're going through. I caused myself so much grief and damage by forcing myself to date and sleep with guys. It was utterly disgusting for me. And it didn't change a damned thing. 

EMBRACE IT. Stop fighting yourself. Join dating sites, meet some girls that way if you're having trouble. Trust me, they are out there. Don't waste your life trying to get with guys. That way lies madness, and a total lack of fulfillment. 

My mother hated me for a long time, too. It was hard. I told her I didn't need her if it was going to be like that. She came around after a while. 

Hang in there!


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## Miss_Conduct (Jul 12, 2014)

ariel_angel77 said:


> If anyone needs clarification as to whether it is a sin or not, there should be no doubt that there is. It is stated in the bible SEVERAL times that it is. It starts out in Leviticus 18:22, but that's not good enough for some people since it's the old testament, so it is again made clear throughout the new testament that homosexuals will NOT inherit the kingdom of God


ariel_angel, do you follow kosher dietary rules? Do you think that police officers and others who work on the sabbath should be put to death? How about the death penalty for women who lie about their virginity?

Do you think that some rules need to be interpreted in light of the cultural context they arose in?

Lots of Christians disagree with you, including my denomination, which has no problem ordaining gays and lesbians.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

The more anyone does a certain behavior, the more it becomes normal and second nature to them, whatever that might be.

God has told us, homosexuality is a grave sin. You can heed it or ignore this. Your choice because we all have moral free will.

Being gay / lesbian is not primarily genetic and never can be for many obvious reasons. It is choice and other factors we fully don't understand yet.

When you believe in God, you admit you are a sinner, born into this and make the effort to turn from it. Or you can dive into your sin, its okay and yah.

Homosexuality, orgies and sex with kids was more common back during the roman empire times than it is today. It is not technological, pollution based, population sizes or cultures.

If I did everyone I desired, I would be a different man than I am today. But I try to follow what God teaches us, even when its not popular or socially acceptable anymore. Sin is more prevalent than following God's word.

You can't say you are a Christian and then support homosexuality, drug addicts, alcoholics, adulterers, etc. because God has told us all to turn from this sinful way of life or be judged by him.

It all comes down to choice in the end. There is no gun to your head and no one is forcing you to do anything against your will. But when you physically die, everything you did in life will be before God, remember that. Those who say dive into your sin, gay is okay, etc. are only fooling themselves. No one escapes God when we physically die.

No one here is judging you, but God will.

Homosexuality was a sin in the new testament and the old testament, today and many many many thousands of years ago. Sin is sin, and it doesn't matter how much time has passed.


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## Miss_Conduct (Jul 12, 2014)

CuddleBug said:


> Being gay / lesbian is not primarily genetic and never can be for many obvious reasons. It is choice and other factors we fully don't understand yet.


Sexual orientation is determined by fetal androgen levels:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prenatal_hormones_and_sexual_orientation

Pointing the Finger at Androgen as a Cause of Homosexuality

Prenatal endocrine influences on sexual orientation and on sexually differentiated childhood behavior

Lesbians share some anatomical characteristics that are also determined by androgen levels in utero, like finger length ratio (see the second link).

Here's the abstract from one study:

Born gay? The psychobiology of human sexual orientation

 Review
Born gay? The psychobiology of human sexual orientation
Qazi Rahman*, Glenn D. Wilson
Department of Psychology, Institute of Psychiatry, University of London, De Crespigny Park, London SE5 8AF, UK 
Received 26 November 2001; received in revised form 1 April 2002; accepted 27 April 2002
Abstract
Sexual orientation is fundamental to evolution and shifts from the species-typical pattern of hetero-sexuality may represent biological variations. The growth of scientiﬁc knowledge concerning the biology of sexual orientation during the past decade has been considerable. Sexual orientation is characterised by abipolar distribution and is related to fraternal birth order in males. In females, its distribution is morevariable; females being less prone towards exclusive homosexuality. In both sexes homosexuality isstrongly associated with childhood gender nonconformity. Genetic evidence suggests a heritable compo-nent and putative gene loci on the X chromosome. Homosexuality may have evolved to promote same sexaﬃliation through a conserved neurodevelopmental mechanism. Recent ﬁndings suggest this mechanisminvolves atypical neurohormonal diﬀerentiation of the brain. Key areas for future research include theneurobiological basis of preferred sexual targets and correlates of female homosexuality.
#
2002 Elsevier Science Ltd. All rights reserved.
Keywords:
Sexual Orientation; Homosexuality; Neurodevelopment; Prenatal androgens; Evolution


Welcome to the 21st century.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

ariel_angel77 said:


> If anyone needs clarification as to whether it is a sin or not, there should be no doubt that there is. It is stated in the bible SEVERAL times that it is. It starts out in Leviticus 18:22, but that's not good enough for some people since it's the old testament, so it is again made clear throughout the new testament that homosexuals will NOT inherit the kingdom of God in Romans 1:18-32, 1 Timothy 1:8-10, Jude 7, and ESPECIALLY 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.
> 
> I am not homophobic, I am only giving you this information since you stated you are a Christian. You believe God told you it's okay that you are gay, that is not true. The spirit will NEVER contradict the word. God would not have put in the bible that those practicing homosexuality will not inherit the kingdom of God if he was going to tell people in the future that he was okay with THEM being gay, but only them. That's just not true. If you are a Christian and desire to enter the kingdom of God (heaven) one day, then you must not practice homosexuality. God loves you very much and only wants the best for you.
> 
> You obviously have not found the right person yet. I agree with what other people say, if you find men "hot" then you are attracted to men in a sexual way. The man you interacted with was not the right one and you didn't have chemistry with him.


It says nothing about women sleeping with women in the bible, only men with men. 

If you take the Leviticus literally you should also stone to death adulterous women, have no contact with menstruating women, not eat hybrid fruit or vegetables, wear mixed fibres or trim your beard. Have you ever eaten a tangerine? Worn a polyester-cotton mix? Shaken hands with a menstruating women?

It always amazes me that people who swear they are 'not homophobic' ignore all the other prohibitions and commandments in Leviticus except just this one.


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## Miss_Conduct (Jul 12, 2014)

CuddleBug said:


> Being gay / lesbian is not primarily genetic and never can be for many obvious reasons. It is choice and other factors we fully don't understand yet.


It's well understood that sexual orientation is determined in large part by androgen levels in utero. I'm too new to post links but if you google "fetal androgens homosexuality" you'll see dozens of studies and articles about the research and evidence.

Here's the abstract from one review of the scientific literature:

Front Neuroendocrinol. Author manuscript; available in PMC Apr 1, 2012.
Published in final edited form as:
Front Neuroendocrinol. Apr 2011; 32(2): 170–182.
Published online Feb 17, 2011. doi: 10.1016/j.yfrne.2011.02.006
PMCID: PMC3296090
NIHMSID: NIHMS275231
Prenatal endocrine influences on sexual orientation and on sexually differentiated childhood behavior
Melissa Hines
Author information ► Copyright and License information ►
The publisher's final edited version of this article is available at Front Neuroendocrinol
See other articles in PMC that cite the published article.
Go to:
Abstract

Both sexual orientation and sex-typical childhood behaviors, such as toy, playmate and activity preferences, show substantial sex differences, as well as substantial variability within each sex. In other species, behaviors that show sex differences are typically influenced by exposure to gonadal steroids, particularly testosterone and its metabolites, during early development (prenatally or neonatally). This article reviews the evidence regarding prenatal influences of gonadal steroids on human sexual orientation, as well as sex-typed childhood behaviors that predict subsequent sexual orientation. *The evidence supports a role for prenatal testosterone exposure in the development of sex-typed interests in childhood, as well as in sexual orientation in later life, *at least for some individuals. It appears, however, that other factors, in addition to hormones, play an important role in determining sexual orientation. These factors have not been well-characterized, but possibilities include direct genetic effects, and *effects of maternal factors during pregnancy. Although a role for hormones during early development has been established, it also appears that there may be multiple pathways to a given sexual orientation outcome and some of these pathways may not involve hormones.*
Keywords: hormones, sexual orientation, androgen, testosterone, toy preferences, sex-typical behavior, estrogen, diethylstilbestrol, gonadal steroids, fetal development

As far as sin being sin no matter how much time has passed, do you keep a kosher kitchen?


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

CuddleBug said:


> No one here is judging you, but God will.
> .


Yes you are judging her. You, in ignorance and bigotry are judging her. You are being cruel and hurtful and you hide behind the bible, like a coward, to do so.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Some of the sentiment expressed on this thread is despicable. From people who actually think that because they are Christian they are somehow morally superior to others and yet are happy to treat people in a cruel and inhumane way. Is that really what the church and bible teaches you? Is that how you are expected to behave?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You have identified yourself as a lesbian, so you are pretty clear on that aspect of your life. You allegedly fell in love three times in one year and you are 30 but living with your mom. I would think your biggest concerns have to do with the last two issues. Doesn't much matter whether you are gay or straight. It does sound like you might be very insecure and lonely and there's no way to be happy with yourself in those two conditions.
If you don't accept yourself, does it matter what God or your mom think? Learn to be comfortable in your own skin, to give and be your best and to be content with that. Companionship and love will follow but before you can be good for anyone else, you have to love yourself. You don't have to fit in anyone's neat little box. The world is big enough for everyone. Your sexual preferences, whatever they may be, are but one aspect of your life. They don't define you as a person. Be a good person, a good student, good neighbor. Try every day to make the world a little better in some small way. The rest of this stuff will sort itself out. Get through college, get a decent job, and carve out the life that lets you shine brightest. Love will come and you'll be mature enough to cherish it and nurture it. Sounds like right now you're a little overwhelmed just trying to figure out who you are. You're a valuable member of the human race, created in the very image of God. You were given arms to embrace others, hands to help others, and words to uplift and encourage. The world is full of hurting, needy people so you have lots of work to do. What you choose to do with your private parts is really rather irrelevant in the grand scheme. Your first job is to be a member of the human race.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> Yes you are judging her. You, in ignorance and bigotry are judging her. You are being cruel and hurtful and you hide behind the bible, like a coward, to do so.


Some of the biggest hyprocrites I have ever met have a bible tucked under their arm.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

richie33 said:


> Some of the biggest hyprocrites I have ever met have a bible tucked under their arm.


Yes, unfortunately people pick and choose from the bible what reinforces their prejudice.


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## Nigel Pinchley (Jul 29, 2014)

OP doesn't seem to have much of a religious issue with her orientation, so I'm not really sure that the typical religious response of explaining to her in detail why the bible says it's a sin (while trying to couch that response as much as possible in "but I don't judge" when you clearly are) is helpful to OP.

Anyway, to the OP, firstly I'd suggest that you just take it slow. Falling for 3 women in one year alone seems like moving pretty quickly.

No one says you have to wear some kind of label, no one says that you have know 100% of your sexuality quickly and immediately. Take it slowly, explore your feelings, try to do better about determining beforehand if another woman is straight or not, and just let things play out. Try not to obsess about your orientation and instead see where things go. When we question our orientation, we question our very identity, but hopefully you'll realize that it isn't something you have to fully understand right away.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Some of these posts just blow me away with the judgement and bigotry.

Being gay is NOT a choice!! It is not depraved, or disgusting. Love is love, whether between a man and a woman, or two men or two women.

I love the way "christians" pick and choose the parts that suit them from the bible - how many of you had premarital sex? Use birth control? Have had an abortion? An affair? Work on Sunday?

Ffs.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon all
Just thoughts:

I don't think it makes any difference if homosexuality is genetic, environmental or a choice, or different things for different people. Everyone should feel free to be intimate with any type of person they choose without needing to worry about *why* they are attracted to that particular type of person. The only requirement is honesty: if you are just "experimenting" don't deceive another person into thinking you are in love. Clearly don't break up existing relationships, of lie in your own.

There are a LOT of different religions with a wide range of beliefs on all topics. Some condemn homosexuality, some don't. Personally I have no desire to worship a god who condemns homosexuals - and if I'm damned for believing that people should do what makes them and others happy, then I'll go to hell willingly. I'd rather spend eternity in hell with open minded people than in heaven with bigots. :FIREdevil:


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> CuddleBug said:
> 
> 
> > No one here is judging you, but God will.
> ...


No actually johnnycomelately is about the only one on this thread who got it right. He's no coward for telling it like it is, and what he's telling her is that if she believes in God and what the Bible says, then she must accept that (if there really is a God), then her actions will send her straight to *HELL *for all eternity.

Just because it's.."inconvenient" for those who call themselves "believers" to follow the preaching of the Bible, and they prefer to make their own rules in life and interpret the Bible as they see fit to match their own lifestyle choices, doesn't mean they're escaping their own self emposed destiny in *HELL*.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

lenzi said:


> No actually johnnycomelately is about the only one on this thread who got it right. He's no coward for telling it like it is, and what he's telling her is that if she believes in God and what the Bible says, then she must accept that (if there really is a God), then her actions will send her straight to *HELL *for all eternity.
> 
> Just because it's.."inconvenient" for those who call themselves "believers" to follow the preaching of the Bible, and they prefer to make their own rules in life and interpret the Bible as they see fit to match their own lifestyle choices, doesn't mean they're escaping their own self emposed destiny in *HELL*.


There is no mention of lesbianism in the bible. You are doing exactly what you accuse others of and interpreting the bible to fit in with your primitive prejudices.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

While Leviticus and other chapters of the Bible might have some things to say about homosexuality, Leviticus and other chapters have some positive things to say about slavery and the "rightful" ownership of your slaves. Most people, Christian or Atheist now condemn slavery. I am sorry but owning another person is worse than being with someone who has the same anatomical parts as you do. If one could abandon the scriptures that tell them it's okay to be a "Massa" surely they can do the same with those that instruct them to be homophobes.


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## Nigel Pinchley (Jul 29, 2014)

It's no use arguing with Christians. The Will of God brooks no argument and requires no defense. It is impervious to reason and logic, so pointing out holes and contradictions in the Bible will get you nowhere. 

There's a Susan B. Anthony quote that I've adapted a bit, but the meaning is the same: "I distrust the person who purports to understand the will of God, for I have noted how often God's will lines up with his own".

Anyway, OP said she was comfortable with the religious aspect, so perhaps we could help her in other facets of her situation.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Nigel Pinchley said:


> It's no use arguing with Christians. The Will of God brooks no argument and requires no defense. It is impervious to reason and logic, so pointing out holes and contradictions in the Bible will get you nowhere.


Like House said: "If you could reason with religious people, there wouldn't be religious people." But we must keep up the good fight.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon all
Religious people are free to believe as they wish as long as they don't try to force others to follow their laws. I don't mind if they want to warn me about hell, but they have to realize that is an empty threat if their beliefs are different from mine.

I do hope that religious people will *think* about where they get their beliefs. Did they at some point receive a flash of divine inspiration, or are they just doing what other people are telling them is right. If the former, then I have absolutely no argument. If the latter, then they should ask themselves why they chose to believe that particular religion rather than the large number of others with different teachings.

Many religions condemn homosexuality, many accept it. God hasn't chosen to speak to me personally on the subject so I don't know what he thinks.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Other fun things the bible says 

you can sell your daughter into slavery (as long as it's to a foreigner)

no tattoos

If you curse your mother or father, then you should be put to death
Women should be silent in church

not to mention all of the kosher stuff that basically got overlooked since the Romans didn't want to change their dietary habits when they adopted the religion (and not wear hats I guess)

If you visit another city that worships another God you have the right to slay them all

No interbreeding cattle- so no Kobe steak for you

Here's a fun quote-
Deuteronomy 28:53 says: "Then because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you."


there's A LOT more than that

my point is that modern religion is picking and choosing what they like out of the bible, IOW using the bible to back up their own moral values 


I honestly don't care how you live your life, just keep it out of government and be respect others who feel differently

if a man wants to love a man or a woman just wants to get down and dirty with another women, then what's the harm, their actions aren't affecting you


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## Thinkitthrough (Sep 5, 2012)

Watched a young man go through the struggle of defining his sexuality and finally concluded he was gay. He was my VP in our Union during hard times in our profession, but he was also my friend. He was the best man I ever met and I am not gay. He met the love of his life and he was happy. We often talked, and if you didn't know he was gay his relation sounded like any man in love, the ups and downs, trials and the joys. This has been true of all the gay and lesbian couples I have met. Sadly he passed away, as did his sister and parents, of Pancreatic Cancer.
I am a lay person when it comes to science, but I have read and seen the current Brain-sex research and if this is true, then gay and lesbian is more of a gender than anything and decisively not a choice. Studies also show that homosexual behaviour is not uncommon in the natural world either. 
I don't think you can judge a person for being human. I am also convinced that if you could ask God about homosexuality (and no doubt many other subjects too) God would say he had been misunderstood and misquoted.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> There is no mention of lesbianism in the bible. You are doing exactly what you accuse others of and interpreting the bible to fit in with your primitive prejudices.


You could be right.

I'll confess. I never read it.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

The bible is a very interesting read, whether or not your are Christian. 




lenzi said:


> You could be right.
> 
> I'll confess. I never read it.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> The bible is a very interesting read, whether or not your are Christian.


I'll keep that in mind for the next time I'm stuck in a hotel room with nothing better to do.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

lenzi said:


> I'll keep that in mind for the next time I'm stuck in a hotel room with nothing better to do.


Leviticus is especially useful. If you want to know how to offer a burnt sacrifice or how to force your wife to miscarry if you think she has been unfaithful there is no better read.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> I find this post really ignorant. You are essentially telling her she doesn't know what her sexual preference is which says more about you then it does about her. Why can't you believe that she is actually a lesbian and you are telling her to "try" a bunch of different things?.


wow, being a little harsh, aren't we??

The OP is SAYING IN HER POST that she is confused about her sexuality. She did not even kiss a guy until 28 and now she is 30. My point, that you seem to not understand, is that she might want to give BOTH sexes a real chance, and see which one she really likes. I do not believe she has given guys a chance yet. 

Or do you want her back on her ten more years down the road saying "I really thought I was lesbian...but now i'm not so sure...."


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

lenzi said:


> I'll keep that in mind for the next time I'm stuck in a hotel room with nothing better to do.


Those darned Gideons! they are everywhere.


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