# So unhappy and not sure what to do



## Sad&Lonely1 (Nov 8, 2014)

I'm new to the site and am really glad I came across it. I've been married for 11 years and my husband and I dated 4 years before that. We have a 6 year old who I love with all my heart. I never want to do anything to hurt my child, but I just don't know how much longer I can stay in this lonely marriage.

My husband I and fight sometimes, but most of the time we just avoid and try to keep going without really talking about the issues. He works a very stressful job and really doesn't have the time or patience to talk to me about my unhappiness. I'm a SAHM and am so grateful, but have come to find it very isolating and lonely.

I feel like we are roommates and don't like each other very much at all. Can you really stay married to someone whom you love, but really don't like? I think the biggest issue is the stress of his job and the fact that he is cut off from me emotionally. I know he wants me to stay at home and take care of our son, but I also feel he resents me for it and feels I have no reason to complain about anything, since he's provided our family with a very nice life. We'll fight about this and then go back to normal, until the next fight. I just don't know what to do anymore.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Do you have some friends you can talk to IRL to meet some of your emotional needs until your marriage gets better? A lot of women rely on friends as much as their husbands.

How about reaching out to your husband and expressing sympathy for his long work days? Just asking questions about his day and showing sincere interest in the answers should make him feel appreciated. And eventually he would probably ask about your day, too.

It would also be a good idea to thank him regularly for working so hard so you can be a SAHM. It really is a privilege in modern society.


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## Sad&Lonely1 (Nov 8, 2014)

Thank you jld. Those are very good points. I think I have gotten so caught up in the hurt and anger I feel toward him, that I just can't see it from his point of view. 

I do have some friends that I could talk to. I guess I just feel ashamed that my marriage is in real trouble. No one wants to admit when they've failed.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Sad&Lonely1 said:


> Thank you jld. Those are very good points. I think I have gotten so caught up in the hurt and anger I feel toward him, that I just can't see it from his point of view.
> 
> I do have some friends that I could talk to. I guess I just feel ashamed that my marriage is in real trouble. No one wants to admit when they've failed.


Sweetheart, you have not failed. You are at a challenging time of life. It is lonely to be a SAHM and it is challenging to have a small child. He is probably always asking for your attention.

And I am sorry that your Dh is not more supportive and nurturing of you. I wish he would do that, unprompted. I am hopeful that he will start once he feels more nurtured by you. 

I am sorry you are hurting. I really think reaching out to him will change things in your marriage soon.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Besides what is in your original post, how are things between you and your husband? Do you have a healthy sex life? Do you kiss, hug and touch a lot? 
My wife and I were like roommates for quite a while. We pretty much just co-existed for several years. I finally found this site and learned I can only change myself. I worked on my confidence a lot, and started to be more physical with her ie; hugs and just a touch here and there. Nothing sexual but just touching. I found the more we touched the more we connected. My wife works out of town several times a year and I'm home with my two girls trying to juggle school, gymnastics my job my small business but I know if I'm not here to do it, it won't get done. Since we've had our children I've been away for four days alone. I felt guilty for not being home to help out and I'm sure your husband does too(even if he doesn't say so). I've found personally I love it when my wife walks by and runs her hand over my shoulder or gives me a pat on the back or a$$. Hugs are great too especially when they are just because. I feel more desired/wanted by her just by her touching me. We have come a long way and I'm sure there is still a ways to go.
Think about the power of touching, it might be the little thing that is the biggest help in your situation.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sad&Lonely1 said:


> I'm new to the site and am really glad I came across it. I've been married for 11 years and my husband and I dated 4 years before that. We have a 6 year old who I love with all my heart. I never want to do anything to hurt my child, but I just don't know how much longer I can stay in this lonely marriage.
> 
> My husband I and fight sometimes, but most of the time we just avoid and try to keep going without really talking about the issues. He works a very stressful job and really doesn't have the time or patience to talk to me about my unhappiness. I'm a SAHM and am so grateful, but have come to find it very isolating and lonely.
> 
> I feel like we are roommates and don't like each other very much at all. Can you really stay married to someone whom you love, but really don't like? I think the biggest issue is the stress of his job and the fact that he is cut off from me emotionally. I know he wants me to stay at home and take care of our son, but I also feel he resents me for it and feels I have no reason to complain about anything, since he's provided our family with a very nice life. We'll fight about this and then go back to normal, until the next fight. I just don't know what to do anymore.


Get a job and put your child in after-school daycare. Get a life. He'll notice and he'll change.


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