# My first post



## Jemima Puddleduck (Apr 19, 2010)

Hi all.

Ive just registered on the site and want to post my first post.

Ive been married almost 7 yrs now with 2 gorgeous kids who are my life. 
My marriage has been having problems for a number of years now but only recently (as in the last few days) have I realised I am so full of resentment and anger towards my husband that it has almost destroyed us. Sex is not great (im NEVER interested) which has created a lot of resentment (on both sides) and I also have unresolved anger issues regarding a few other issues.
Can someone steer me towards the best forum on this website to get some advice - or even just a shoulder to cry on?

I really want to get rid of this anger as it is tearing my family apart.

Jemima.x


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## jusme (Jan 4, 2010)

"I realised I am so full of resentment and anger towards my husband that it has almost destroyed us".

IMO you came to the right place. This forum is a great sounding board. Someone else may be able to direct you to a place to address your anger. 

Your above quoted statement is what needs to be clarified in order to help you along. What is your unresolved anger, if you don't mind sharing? Anger and unforgiveness is like a weed that can choke your marriage. We need to get to the root of it.


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## Jemima Puddleduck (Apr 19, 2010)

I suppose its lots of small things that have just built up over the years and I have been holding a grudge cos I don't know how to let go....

Drink is one issue: a number of times once drunk he has been out of order with the way he speaks to me. He quite recently (whilst VERY drunk) peed all over some new clothes of mine (which I had bought cos I had lost weight and was feeling good about myself) I was utterly furious about that and cant figure out how to move on. I cant "sleep" with him once he's had a drink.
(my husband is not an alcoholic......day to day he does not drink...he'll have a few beers on a fri night and rarely (once every 6 months!) goes out but when he does, he does not know when to stop - he admits this freely (not that it stops him going out.)

Sex is a huge issue of resentment on both sides: I feel he is too demanding and just goes on and on about it and I have just turned off and dont want to EVER have sex nowadays...he wants me to give him BJ's instead and we have argued over sex SOOOO many times (esp BJ's and the complete lack of them nowadays) that we cant seem to agree on any point of sex.....it just turns into unresolved anger and with him telling me I have to make more of an effort which I agree to but dont do cos I am so full of these negative emotions.
I want him to be more emotional and caring and loving so I can connect with him on an emotional level before I can have sex and he wants me to have sex before he can be more emotional with me....catch 22.

I just want to learn how to release these emotions, forgive him and move on with my life and make my marriage work and have a happy family.


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## jusme (Jan 4, 2010)

peed on your clothes? seriously? Yeah, I'd be pretty mad too, but if he appologized then try to accept it and move on. I've done some pretty crazy things while drunk. I'm thankful I wised up. You might have to come to some kind of agreement about limitations on alcohol when he does drink.

As for sex, that's an age old dilema and one that I have faced as well. Might I dare add another element in there? How about this: try forgiving your husband (I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but I've never been able to do so without God's help). With the resentment gone, and some boundarlies in place (ie, no sex pressure and no more than say 3 beers), you'll be kinder towards him, he will meet your emotional needs and you may want to satisfy him more often.

I do understand. There have been times when I would rather walk on hot coals than have sex, but I believe once you deal with your anger and resentment, you will see hubby in a new light.


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