# All because my family...I think?



## Sheseverything2me (Feb 11, 2009)

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum and would like to tell you my situation and get all of your inputs. There are a ton more details than I will put on here so any piece of the puzzle you think I am leaving out just please ask. 

My wife and I have been married 2 years, together for 6, and friends for 2 years before that. I am 31, she is 25 and have been together since she was 18. We are currently temporarily separated but not yet legally. She is still living in the house and I have been staying with my sister for the past two weeks. We both agree that our personalities are very compatible. However...

Without going into all the lengthy details (although I will if you ask)…my wife has had a fair amount of problems with my family, especially my Dad, and rightfully so. He is an extremely hard man to get along with, he likes to play games, he’s mean, and he’s extremely judgmental. I also think that he has trouble welcoming our spouses into the family as I think he sees them as a threat. We (more so me) made the mistake of buying our house right around the corner from him as well as my sister and her family. The tension has gotten to be unbearable and has made so many changes in us that we are now to the point of legal separation. My wife says she is very tired of trying to impress my family and please them enough so that she feels welcome and part of the family. I have become extremely tense all the time as I don’t know what they are going to do next that will upset her and that in itself has made us grow very distant. Both our affection as well as our romantic life has gone away and we now feel more like roommates. She feels as though through all her troubles with my family she has lost her own identity and now wants to re-find that. I think that is great but I don’t want us to grow apart in the meanwhile. I would like to do this with her so that we can grow together. 

I understand her desire to separate and get away from it all but at the same time I don’t want to throw away such a compatible and fun relationship. Just this past weekend we spent Sunday together, we went to the local boat show and then dinner. We had a great time and even had a long awaited for romantic kiss when I dropped her off that she said gave her butterflies. 

I am more than willing to sell the house and even move away if that’s what’s right for us. I will do whatever it takes and even though times have been tough I think deep down we are still in love with each other. But now we are at crossroads and we both feel like its 90% due to outside sources and not our own. 

Has there been too much damage done by my family? Can she ever look at me again and see just me and our relationship, and not focus on all the negative things they have said and done? Is that fair to her to expect her to put up with them and not have in-laws that give her the same respect? 

Again…anything I am leaving out just please ask…


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

You are already aware that your father is difficult and probably always will be. Support your wife, it is your duty to do so. Follow you instincts and sell the house. I don’t think you need to move cross country but certainly more then a few blocks away. The romantic kiss and butterflies are a good sign that she is more than a roommate. How is she with the rest of your family? Is your dad your primary problem? I guess if it were me I wouldn’t hesitate to tell my father where to get off if he treated my wife poorly.


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

your wife is your primary relationship. You should be willing to do anything for her....
Moving may add distance, but you still need to stand up for her. Don't let anyone put her down or make her feel less of a person. 
You also should put her first...meaning you ask her and give more weight to her opinion.
Ask yourself - am I honoring her daily?


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