# How does your spouse perceive you?



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Give your own impressions first, and then go check with your spouse to see if your ideas were correct. 



Dug thinks I am very nice, sweet, caring, and exactly the mother he wanted for his children.

He has also told me I am self-destructive  and I worry too much.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

My wife thinks I am smart, sexy, devilishly handsome.

Really, no need to go asking her...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

farsidejunky said:


> My wife thinks I am smart, sexy, devilishly handsome.
> 
> Really, no need to go asking her...


. I believe you!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

On a good day she thinks I'm an ass-kicking super-handy uber-fit super-smart fashionista sex god.

On a bad day she wonders how I manage to tie my shoes in the morning without burning the house down, or chew my food while I breathe without killing the kids, or capable of spelling my own name.

I think I'm somewhere in between those two.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

marduk said:


> On a good day she thinks I'm an ass-kicking super-handy uber-fit super-smart fashionista sex god.
> 
> On a bad day she wonders how I manage to tie my shoes in the morning without burning the house down, or chew my food while I breathe without killing the kids, or capable of spelling my own name.
> 
> I think I'm somewhere in between those two.


I am choosing to believe she thinks the first paragraph describes you 99% of the time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My ex-#1 thinks I'm an evil woman who connived to steal all his money, that I am a bad parent and well I could go on for pages.

Just to give you an idea of how unrealistic this view of his is... I paid for and supported him through medical school and residency. So exactly how as I stealing money that he did not have from him :scratchhead:


My ex-#2 thinks I'm the angel, wonderful, loving, etc etc.. although some times I do get a bit grouchy.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

My wife perceives me as reliable, committed, nerdy, always ready to waste time to watch TV. She views me as a workaholic. She trusts me.

She thinks I walk on water, but she knows I don't.

She thinks I have more fun installing or repairing a water heater than spending time with her discussing relationships.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> My ex-#1 thinks I'm an evil woman who connived to steal all his money, that I am a bad parent and well I could go on for pages.
> 
> Just to give you an idea of how unrealistic this view of his is... I paid for and supported him through medical school and residency. So exactly how as I stealing money that he did not have from him :scratchhead:
> 
> ...


Ex-#2 sounds like a smart guy, Ele. . Too bad for him he lost you!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jld said:


> Ex-#2 sounds like a smart guy, Ele. . Too bad for him he lost you!


He is still around a lot and wants to get back together.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Duguesclin said:


> My wife perceives me as reliable, committed, nerdy, always ready to waste time to watch TV. She views me as a workaholic. She trusts me.
> 
> She thinks I walk on water, but she knows I don't.
> 
> She thinks I have more fun installing or repairing a water heater than spending time with her discussing relationships.


I love you so much, Dug! Even when you drive me crazy, I still feel lucky to be with you! I am so glad I met you 22 years ago! xxoo


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> He is still around a lot and wants to get back together.


Oh, dear. That must drive you crazy. 

You don't want to, do you?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jld said:


> Oh, dear. That must drive you crazy.
> 
> You don't want to, do you?


We can talk about this later :scratchhead:


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> We can talk about this later :scratchhead:


Sorry, didn't mean to pry!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

M2 perceives me as the person she most wants to spend time with. The person she loves to go on a parents only vacation with.

It helps that I feel the same way. 

Recently I learned a new term: social chemistry

Me and M2 have a LOT of that - always have. 





jld said:


> Give your own impressions first, and then go check with your spouse to see if your ideas were correct.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Duguesclin said:


> My wife perceives me as reliable, committed, nerdy, always ready to waste time to watch TV. *She views me as a workaholic*. She trusts me.
> 
> *She thinks I walk on water, but she knows I don't.*
> 
> She thinks I have more fun installing or repairing a water heater than spending time with her discussing relationships.


A workaholic but not in a negative sense.... having sat & discussed these things me & her... it's something she seems to handle pretty well.....what she sees is pure dedication .. to her ..to the children (as you know).... I really admire this about her... as it's something , if I was in her shoes, I'm probably complain.. I wouldn't like all that traveling & time away at all....

We even had a little argument over who was stronger.. she feels I am a strong woman and I laughed at her as I felt she was MUCH STRONGER over me - as she handles the FORT alone so much of the time ..and is still smiling & praising you....not whining wanting more time with you. 

Just saying... funny conversation...we're both arguing who is weaker - ha ha..

and Yes, she does feel you near Walk on Water..


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

I never bothered asking as i doubt she would give me the warts and all unless we were arguing 
Here is how i think i look dependable/boring, handy with things and a hard working grouch who tries but doesn't always win


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Cool thread jld 

[email protected] What a visual ..too funny

Hmm.. The words I've heard my H use to describe me about me are beautiful inside and out, gorgeous, loving, sweet, altruistic, selfless, can be tough as nails strong but just as tender and sensitive, very smart , gregarious, amazing ability to connect with almost anyone anywhere about anything, too empathic, easily distracted except when problem solving then its almost obsessive, but has improved , worry too much, tend to put myself last in dreams/goals, creative, strongest faith he has ever experienced in someone, very affectionate, great singer, funny, very Southern, outdoorsy yet fancy, loud laugh, loves horses, passionate, can swing from clingy to very independent though this too has leveled out a lot, wakes up too early , optimist AND realist, literalist, and a bit OCD with symmetry, colors and smells though I call it preferences , and food is the bane of my existence, as he will tell you I hate it and love it, hate cooking, yet says I have great skills in the kitchen. Oh and leading is as natural to me as breathing, as is teaching, speaking and planning .

This is one reason he was so angry when he would witness my mothers behavior towards me because I'm a talented dynamic girl who loves people and was VERY forgiving and loving towards her yet she would be cruel and I would emotionally break, so I had to gain balance in not enabling poor behavior. He helped me tremendously stay on that path, then fell hard himself. So glad we are healing.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

I will occasionally get, "You're a good dad."

i also occasionally get called a jerk, -sshole, etc. I haven't returned fire in those situations in many months.

Not really any commentary beyond that, so I guess I'm a good dad / @sshole.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Okay, now that I am not tired and jacking your thread with lame humor, here is something my wife posted on Facebook about me in June 2013, when we were still knee deep in our emotional/sexual dysfunction, and I was evidently still too busy to be bothered by it...

_"10 things I love about Farsidejunky:
1. His love for God!
2. The father he is to B9.
3. He loves me for me even the grouchy part of me!
4. FSJ encourages me in anything I do (making my own laundry detergent and dishwasher detergent and setting up a garden for canning and animal communication)
5. He tries my interests horse back riding, consignment shopping, and embarrassing B9!
6. He cooks a mean steak!!
7. He provides for us and looks to the future to provide for us.
8. After 11 years he still opens the car door, holds the door open for me, and holds my hand in public.
9. He is my best friend.
10. He has pushed to finish his college courses so he can graduate in August!"_

Funny, it didn't feel nearly that positive then... lol

This is probably very similar to what she would write today, except that I think she would add that I finally "get her" now.

Plus she would add:

Stubborn
Sometimes so smart that I am not very smart at all
So logical that it hurts her head
Not very nice, but that is why she likes me


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

Funny
Caring
Intelligent
Creative
Beautiful
Compassionate, especially for animals
Great cook
Good mother
Country (he's a city boy, I grew up *******, and know how to use it lol)

but also -
Unstable
Abusive

I begin seeing a therapist on Tuesday, so hopefully I can get a diagnosis and get those last two under control. No matter how much of the positive traits I have, being unstable and angry outweighs them.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I think she views me as Superman.

She says, strong in will, friendly but not nice, gentle because I care for the weak people and animals, warrior ready to strike down enemies, a hero, frustrated when I can't help, good heart wanting to make a difference.

Alpha male, fights for family, don't back down easily, thinks I'm nice looking and soft where I need to be.

She sees beauty in my character and says I am stubborn. Sometimes my stubbornness gets in the way.

Strong and extremely protective, not wimpy at all, not afraid to cry in front of her, she says real men cry sometimes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

He calls me a saint quite often. Says I'm amazing and wonderful. Hard working, great Mother. Selfless and giving.

That's what he would _say_.

I think he thinks I'm a weak pushover who he can soften up with compliments.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

Kind, intelligent, arrogant, funny, judgmental, generous

Looking deeper: struggling at midlife


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

badsanta said:


> I'll ask my wife, but I'll first have to put a moratorium of flying RC helicopters inside the house for a week or so and get back to you. Imagine a beautiful sprawling pothos plant on top of a bookshelf, me crashing into it, and it literally looking like I took a weedeater to it and made hundreds of bits and pieces of it spray all over the wall.



And this is a problem because.....

What is really important is not how your spouse perceives you but the difference between his/her perception of you and yours toward yourself. That difference is what causes the rift or chasm. If that can be bridged you're in good shape. If not you're toast regardless of line item similarities and differences.

In my case: lazy but very intelligent, a great problem solver, not very ambitious, not very mature, etc. I think she reads me quite well


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jld said:


> *Give your own impressions first, and then go check with your spouse to see if your ideas were correct. *
> 
> Dug thinks I am very nice, sweet, caring, and exactly the mother he wanted for his children.
> 
> He has also told me I am self-destructive  and I worry too much.


You do fit the role of that sweet Home schooling Mom all the way - attentive to the children's needs.. very nurturing.. If I had to describe you , these things would also come to mind.

*My H's perceptions*... 1st I want to say....the man surely brings out *the BEST* in me...he makes me feel GOOD about myself ....Even at my worst...if I say something UGLY in a moment..he gives me the benefit of the doubt, telling me he knows me better than I know myself...in this way - his Perceptions OF ME are better than those I have of myself... 

He is fond of calling me "effervescent"....a good woman... has told co-workers I can "squeeze a dime out of a nickle"......







... low on the bar materialistic wise... but high in others...like country living, family and Romance. 

Tells me I am the







...thinks the only reason we get company is because people like talking to me...I make a great Hostess/ Party thrower...vacation planner......above all he counts me "Faithful" (his reply on a thread here asking 1 word to describe our spouse)....Honest to the point of making myself look bad - why he trusts me so much...(JLD , you are another one of those !)....

I could go on ...but will stop...suffice it to say...he is very good for my Ego in every way a woman needs... truly my #1 fan...

He'd also say I am Mushy & clingy / meaning highly affectionate .... some men may feel smothered ...but he loves those things about me...so I can BE this with him to my hearts content ...it feeds something in him too.

Some will think my H is screwed up here.. He told me a few yrs back he's always had me on a Pedestal







.. even arguing with me that I deserve one... crazy discussion we had in the bathroom..all due to a thread I was reading here.....he looked at me telling me he wants to be *my* White knight...(not other women's , not in the "syndrome" sense)...but in the Romantic chivalrous sense..._*that's how he loves*_...

I can't say these things have really hurt us even though they are supposed to...similar as you , JLD...see your Husband near walking on water.. we KNOW our shortcomings / every quirk laid bare from farting to meltdowns......It's just in the chemistry or something.....when feeling deeply loved/ appreciated.....our perception is INSPIRED somehow.. that's the only way I can explain it. I greatly admire my H as well... 

*My downside*... 

*1.* He's told me I worry too much of what some people think of me - like getting bent out of shape over SAHM threads here (how silly on the net)...."Did I waste my potential ?"/ would he be better off married a career woman who made big $$$......he doesn't want me to be down on myself....telling me "Life is good!... I am loved & needed at home...

*2.* He tells me I THINK TOO MUCH/ Mrs Analytical..not generally a problem but I can get carried away & build things in my head. 

*3. *He's accused me of this a # of times >>







...

*4.* He's called me a "Bull in a china shop" on occasion...he doesn't mind it so long as I'm not coming against him...has even laughed about it... the other day I was on the phone with a Comcast Rep & he was happy he wasn't on the other end.. 

*5.* I could use a little more tact / patience with the kids at times (he is softer over me)....

I know everything I just said here he would agree with.. and myself as well. We're in tune ...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Love #3 SA! &#55357;&#56833;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I would like to hear from Mr. SA how he thinks you perceive him . . . No fair letting him peek at your post! 

You are such an honest lady, SA, so down to earth. Felt so comfortable with your family. So much caring and gentleness there. And you married such a good man. Mr. SA is such a sweetheart.

Shoot, I wouldn't yell at Dug either if he were as sweet and kind as Mr. SA!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

jld said:


> I love you so much, Dug! Even when you drive me crazy, I still feel lucky to be with you! I am so glad I met you 22 years ago! xxoo


Hey, get a room, you two.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

My estranged husband perceived me in ways that made no sense many times.

Shame on me for marrying an alcoholic. After being separated from him for so long, I can look back on the insanity that was our so-called "marriage." 

Whatever dropped out of the sky and fell into his head, at any given moment, was how he perceived me.

Frankly, I became the fly in the ointment, the thorn in his side, and a royal pain in the a$$ for him. I got in the way of his drinking. I was disposable.

So, it was a turning point for me. I reflected for a very long time after I left him on what was wrong with me that kept me involved with an abusive, emotionally-stunted, immature, addicted man.

The gift? I learned how to perceive myself as I am. And that's what counted for me. In a perverse way, he did me a favor.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

jld said:


> ...then go check with your spouse to see if your ideas were correct.


You're presuming she's going to be truthful? How cute.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MachoMcCoy said:


> You're presuming she's going to be truthful? How cute.


It's supposed to be a _connecting, feel good_ exercise.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Anon1111 said:


> I will occasionally get, "You're a good dad."
> 
> i also occasionally get called a jerk, -sshole, etc. I haven't returned fire in those situations in many months.
> 
> Not really any commentary beyond that, so I guess I'm a good dad / @sshole.


Smart to just look past those words, and try to see what is motivating them. Sounds like she is hurting somehow.

Will she let you hug her when she is upset?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jld said:


> *I would like to hear from Mr. SA how he thinks you perceive him . . . No fair letting him peek at your post! *
> 
> You are such an honest lady, SA, so down to earth. Felt so comfortable with your family. So much caring and gentleness there. And you married such a good man. Mr. SA is such a sweetheart.
> 
> Shoot, I wouldn't yell at Dug either if he were as sweet and kind as Mr. SA!


I'll tell him you'd like to hear his thoughts.. he hasn't posted here in a long long time... not sure when he'll get around to it though.

As you know we've had a crazy week around here, he'd call it the week from hell.....Suburban was in the shop, axles leaking ... while our blue car broke down on his way to work Wed...due to my running over a big stick days before (my bad!)  !! Our 750 ft Driveway is ice, couldn't get up & down...meanwhile our home phone went out... the Verizon man can't get to our house, supposed to tomorrow and another ice storm is on the way.... Awe the Joy of living in the sticks!! 

We've had wind chills below 20 here, he's been working in this every day lying on the ground yet.... Got the Suburban back, then leaving work Friday...turned the key... it's DEAD... needed a new battery ..

Just gotta appreciate all our men DO... He doesn't complain...or show frustration...he's able to make light of it all..but he's looking to taking it easy real soon here...got a day off tomorrow... 

***** I wanted to take a moment & share -with any readers on this thread....what JLD did for our family just days ago......a bright spot in the midst of this crazy week....she sent us a special Bakery treat from her hometown !....

I won't say what it was but it was a large box & nothing we've ever heard of or tasted before...we were leaving to pick up our Truck on Thursday, saw the UPS man at the top of our drive tying something to our gate...(Perfect timing) ....here it was JLD's delivery!! 

The kids were all excited when we walked in the door with this big box....










































.... it didn't last long.








JLD !


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

My pleasure, SA. My kids loved the picture of your kids enjoying the treat! 

You are so right to say how much we appreciate our men. Working hard, no matter what, to take care of us and our children. How could we not respect them and feel grateful?

And helping around the house . . . Dug caught a mouse in the basement Friday, and disposed of it. Set some traps, too. So glad I did not have to deal with that. 

Also Friday he fixed the water heater (so glad he could do it, no hot water at all and so many of us needing it) and is going to install a mini water heater under the kitchen sink so I don't have to wait for it to come from the basement.

Today, before he left to go back to work, he took down the tree and cleaned and put away the holder. One less thing for me and the boys to do.

He is going to burn the woodpile that has accumulated in the back one of these weekends. He and the kids changed the oil in the van a few weeks ago, and filled up the fluids. He'll do the taxes soon. 

He and the boys take care of the snow shoveling and the garbage. They cook and help clean, too.

What would we do without our dear men, SA? They make our lives so much easier.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

he thinks I'm stubborn, impatient, naïve, lazy, relentless, devoted, strong, confusing, dependent, playful, bitter, caring, introverted and adorable.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Adeline said:


> he thinks I'm stubborn, impatient, naïve, lazy, relentless, devoted, strong, confusing, dependent, playful, bitter, caring, introverted and adorable.


How are things going these days, Adeline? Any progress?


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

jld said:


> How are things going these days, Adeline? Any progress?


yes, lots of progress actually. Some drastic chances, at yet at the same time it is still so early in the game! Still some bad with the good. So just taking it one day at a time. Thank you for asking


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I will look for updates on your thread in private.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

jld said:


> I will look for updates on your thread in private.


I haven't updated that thread in a few months, and I believe even the last post of mine there was still before certain important steps happened. I wasn't too sure how people would feel about me continuing to post about my situation given how things were when I left it. But the last almost 3 months have been absolutely life changing. And I owe a lot of that to this site helping me through


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Adeline, maybe it is time for an update.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> Adeline, maybe it is time for an update.


I just fear that even though most people will be surprised and happy for me about what has transpired, they will still ultimately be disappointed in my choices to go against the majority opinion of what people thought I should do, and things might get hostile again. But many of you were very kind even with your tough love and I owe you an update. I promise i'll find time to do so sometime before the end of the month. Thanks for the encouragement


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Honest to God, I really don't know how my wife perceives me. Sometimes I'm not positive she DOES perceive me.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> Honest to God, I really don't know how my wife perceives me. Sometimes I'm not positive she DOES perceive me.


Fozzy. You live with her. I am sure you are on her radar.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

jld said:


> It's supposed to be a _connecting, feel good_ exercise.


Meh, it's MachoMcCoy. You expected better?


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

jld said:


> Give your own impressions first, and then go check with your spouse to see if your ideas were correct.


Jury is still out. (but it's looking good...)


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

DayOne said:


> Jury is still out. (but it's looking good...)


I am sure it is. Keep up the transparency.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

jld said:


> Fozzy. You live with her. I am sure you are on her radar.


Oh no doubt. Along with about 5000 other things. Her radar is about the equivalent of JFK air traffic control, and I'm registering as a hang-glider passing through the edge of her airspace.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Adeline said:


> I just fear that even though most people will be surprised and happy for me about what has transpired, they will still ultimately be disappointed in my choices to go against the majority opinion of what people thought I should do, and things might get hostile again. But many of you were very kind even with your tough love and I owe you an update. I promise i'll find time to do so sometime before the end of the month. Thanks for the encouragement


You don't owe us anything, Adeline. We are here to try and help.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

I asked him and he demanded to see my tablet "right now". Then he said "just as I thought. A TAM question." He threatened to spank me if I come to him with any more TAM stuff. 

So JLD you got any more questions I can ask him?


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## SA's husband (Apr 9, 2012)

SA sees me as an all around good man Faithfull, honest and loving who treats people with respect, spends time with the kids, family comes first. It drives her crazy when there is something like the last cookie and I say "I feel like I'm taking food out of their mouth", she says I am too sacrificial. 

She always laughs at my dry sense of humor, especially likes when I do impersonations of coworkers. 

I am the peace maker when others get fired-up over something, she see's me as a great provider, a fix it man and I treat her as my Queen, it's true I worship her.

I feel like she is like Bonnie from Bonnie and Clyde, I can't always keep up with her, this being her only complaint of me. More so for a time, if you know what I mean.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Thank you so much for that lovely post, Mr. SA! I believe it all! 

And such a treat to see you here!


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## NewLifePlease (Oct 31, 2014)

Do you know what's funny? Everyone's response is that their spouse has a very positive perception....

Hmmmm...then why y'all on this site talking about your MARRIAGE PROBLEMS!!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

NewLifePlease said:


> Do you know what's funny? Everyone's response is that their spouse has a very positive perception....
> 
> Hmmmm...then why y'all on this site talking about your MARRIAGE PROBLEMS!!


I'm just here to brag...&#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56840;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

lol.. I had plenty in my post that wasn't all positive...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

NewLifePlease said:


> Do you know what's funny? Everyone's response is that their spouse has a very positive perception....
> 
> *Hmmmm...then why y'all on this site talking about your MARRIAGE PROBLEMS!*!


I landed here due to a insatiable sex drive increase, my "Mid life crisis" one could say....it was messing with my head.. always the reader...I was devouring books on sex, spicing, testosterone, our hormones...wondering what in the hell came over me!

I felt like my mind was hi-jacked... I couldn't leave my H alone, he couldn't keep up, I wanted him to be more "aggressive".. I questioned his desire...

From my very 1st thread... I shared ALL of this with him......we waded through together....after all I was learning....I figured I could offer some help too, a forum being a healthy distraction.. 

With all the articulate posters here.. it's easy to get sucked in..... I did have a "whining thread" on him at one point.. ..took some heat for that ...rightly deserved I suppose. 

I have calmed my jets, came to realize we are just a bit backwards ..it's been a great ride and something that has been a great blessing to our marriage even !.. ...

I've always been one who enjoyed talking about relationship issues / the art of communication, etc..... it is what it is.. I guess I need a JOB!..I used to watch soap operas, listen to talk radio & go to the Library a lot when he was at work.... this is just a little more addicting ...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

NewLifePlease said:


> Do you know what's funny? Everyone's response is that their spouse has a very positive perception....
> 
> Hmmmm...then why y'all on this site talking about your MARRIAGE PROBLEMS!!


There is a lot to learn here. I am studying sex for one thing. I just recently hit another sexual milestone thanks in part to research done with help from TAM members.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

NewLifePlease said:


> Do you know what's funny? Everyone's response is that their spouse has a very positive perception....
> 
> Hmmmm...then why y'all on this site talking about your MARRIAGE PROBLEMS!!


I came here because I was wondering why I was dependent on my husband, always leaning on him, in a culture that says women should be independent. I found out that is not a real problem.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jld said:


> *I came here because I was wondering why I was dependent on my husband, always leaning on him, in a culture that says women should be independent. I found out that is not a real problem*.


The reasons can be so varied, a couple of friends I had here (gone now)....they landed here from googling a political question, linked them to a thread here... they start looking around, joining in.. and wa lah.. they get sucked in too... 



jld said:


> *Thank you so much for that lovely post, Mr. SA! I believe it all!
> 
> And such a treat to see you here*!


Only at your request Jld.. probably won't see that again for another 6 months.... His speaking about the cookie, or whatever it may be.. although I DO LOVE that he's so considerate, cares so much TO GIVE.... it makes for some funny bantering moments between us...when he outright refuses to enjoy something feeling like he needs to save it for the kids.. (or even me)...I'll come back at him like ..."Baby, If you don't eat this darn _____ right now... I WILL!...Give it up ...you know you want this... mmmmm







"... 

Sometimes he really needs to just put himself *1st*.. I am good for him in this way... as I MAKE HIM DO IT... or I'll SPANK HIM [email protected]#.. I do seek out what makes him happy....he may not be very forthcoming but he doesn't LIE.. if I ask, he'll be honest.... if we took advantage...he'd likely be a man trying to carry the weight of all of us.. I'm afraid...










He doesn't like to bother people.. or feel like a burden in any way.. He likes to feel Needed I guess... but he has his limit to how someone treats him..


I have a little story JLD.. 

Incident at work.... he knocks on Boss’s door... Boss yells “NOT NOW ..I'M BUSY!".... Husband walks away...says to co-worker nonchalantly ... “when he’s not busy tell him an engine is on fire”...he comes home & tells me this and I’m like







@#$... I think that was pretty important ! should have squeezed your head in the door & said WHAT FOR !!!...

He said "You don’t know the Boss, he doesn’t care “ and gave me a couple examples, then says back to me.. “What the F*** does he think I want to talk to [email protected]#”.. I just laughed so hard.. Lesson from this.. when H has something to say –he knocks on your door.. you don’t turn him away [email protected]#$ ha ha


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Sounds like a foolish boss, SA . . . smh.

So glad to see Mr. SA here today. And such a nice post. It sounds like you feel he was correct in how you perceive him. Truly a loving husband, a devoted family man.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Your H and I are very similar if you can believe that SA. My H constantly has to remind me to stay balanced about things for me. Worry about being a burden is strong in me yet has become more healthy over time. So closely identify.I


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Perfection personified (I'm sure he'll agree with me )


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jld said:


> *Sounds like a foolish boss, SA . . . smh.
> 
> So glad to see Mr. SA here today. And such a nice post. It sounds like you feel he was correct in how you perceive him. Truly a loving husband, a devoted family man*.


 yes, our perceptions are surely well understood, now if I was to have answered this question 6 yrs ago when I 1st landed here.. I was worrying he didn't desire me like he used to...getting older & all.. men loose that a bit...like something was lost...I was working things up in my head.. I tend to look at things from a pessimistic view at times...like people are just being nice to coddle me ...or he just didn't want to hear me complain -sort of thing...

I only seemed to get worked up during pms though.. so go figure! (Hormones were extra raging)... Then there was one fateful morning...the exchange we had, very vulnerable....that was FOREVER laid to rest.. I felt his heart & soul....I have all these things written in my journal...our journey through that...the realizations...

It's been a beautiful ride despite some of the meltdowns along the way when I was so angry we missed each other in the past...I was mad at myself, I was upset with him for being so passive. But we LOVE each other like life .. so you get through it. 

His Boss...the man is a trip... they should do a sit-com on him.. one employee refused to look at him for over 2 yrs.. (seriously).. another transferred due to him, one retired earlier than he planned , actually the boss told my Husband he was his favorite one day.. he just laughs at this...they do get along well but to think he has any care for anyone there.. H would laugh at that.. If an employee is 1 minute late, he will take away one of their "days" the company gives them... (when the policy is 7 minutes late), he's removed other perks just for the hell of it... ... he has made comments that IF he is liked he is doing something wrong..

I gotta be honest, some of the stories he brings home about this man, we do ROAR ...though it does get H swearing like a truck driver on occasion.. that's just his release when he gets through the door... and his impersonations are sooo funny.







...It's true, my H is more the peacemaker there -even between some employees. 



> *Blossom Leigh said*: *Your H and I are very similar if you can believe that SA. My H constantly has to remind me to stay balanced about things for me. Worry about being a burden is strong in me yet has become more healthy over time. So closely identify*.


 I'd say he is pretty balanced.. he doesn't worry much at all.. I am more the worry -wart for sure.... I once watched this movie with Peter Fonda..







...
I said to myself.. that is how my Husband is... very very devoted to family.. would do anything.. this guy was major CALM... but he liked to be needed.. 

Now the stuff in that movie...too much drama -everything coming against him... OMG.. I would not have had the patience to deal with.. I remember it vaguely but I might have even cut my kids off .. but not this Father.. He did all he could.. he found love in the end too.. sweet movie. 

Ulee surely needed some new excitement in his life .. my H would say I am the excitement....ha ha 

I also hate the idea of being a burden... something about that.. I need to be where I am appreciated, wanted or it all goes to he**.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Lol, so I told her about this thread to see what she would say:

"*Talkative
*Fixer

Didn't I ask for quiet time? What happened to that?

*Disciplined. Sometimes too disciplined.
*[email protected]
*Intelligent 
*Talkative
*Manages to unintentionally find a way to be in my way when I am trying to clean house
*Know it all
*Money manager

That's all I got."

I just read her the one I wrote and she agreed with those as well.

Maybe I should talk to her about it at mid morning, not at bed time.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I asked my wife and here's her response:

****
*** ** * *****
*******
***********
****


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

john117 said:


> I asked my wife and here's her response:
> 
> ****
> *** ** * *****
> ...


:lol:


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

If I asked her she would give me a funny look and say: "I don't know.....why are you asking me this?"

So I'll piece together some of the things she said about me over the last year: great father and husband, funny, attractive (but she doesn't want to have sex  ), smart, careless with money, can come across like a **** when I say whatever is on my mind to people (i.e. her family  ) handy around the house, sleeps too much on the weekends, forgetful yet thoughtful, calm during a "crisis" (my daughter when she's being 13  ), not afraid to speak up when I feel something is not right (schools, neighborhood, etc)

probably some other stuff I can't think of right now...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Cobalt said:


> *If I asked her she would give me a funny look and say: "I don't know.....why are you asking me this?"*


 My H is never surprised by something I ask.. the deeper the question...the more that sounds like something I would ask ! He would think I had a brain injury if this stopped & I showed little interest ..I guess I am just weird.... he doesn't ask me many questions.. probably because I already covered them all ....he did say this was an odd one.. I told him it's JLD's fault !


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> My H is never surprised by something I ask.. the deeper the question...the more that sounds like something I would ask ! He would think I had a brain injury if this stopped & I showed little interest ..I guess I am just weird.... he doesn't ask me many questions.. probably because I already covered them all ....he did say this was an odd one.. I told him it's JLD's fault !


You're lucky then. My wife isn't that deep. I am.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

My H and I are both deep and sometimes we pull each other under


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