# Coping Mechanisms



## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

It's odd that there isn't more discussion about Separation in the world. It took me weeks to find this forum. The issues are specifically different because you or your spouse has decided on Limbo. This hell-space where you are a mixed bundle of hope, hurt and hatred.

The highs and lows (often mostly lows) rage on hourly. Until it's daily and for the lucky weekly... and the offline. 

I thought I would ask you all what you do just to get through the day sometimes? What tricks and tips work for you?



*Exercise is at the top of a lot of lists.
*Calling a friend or writing a friend instead of the spouse helps.
*Reading and watching tv helps to keep the demons at a distance but it also deadens the time.


*I find that taking a shower, either too hot or too cold helps to reset my headspace for a few minutes. It always makes me feel better.


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## jtut21 (Mar 21, 2012)

There are things that you probably enjoyed doing before the separation or divorce and maybe things that you might like doing now that you could engage in. A new hobby or an old hobby. I know when I am in my lows it helps me to go onto YouTube and watch videos from some of my favorite speakers such as Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, Abraham Hicks, and Les Brown. It helps me to work on getting my mind in the right place and brings me hope.

All the best,

Josh


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

* Elsewhere, UpnDown offers advice on getting to sleep: turning on a noisy fan, set tv to sleep timer and keep the volume low.

* Whiling away timer here at TAM, helps to fuel your ra... perspective. The views here often help me keep my head on straightish.

...

I suggest that anyone caught in a funk have a gander at this Ted Talk by Jane McGonigal

Jane McGonigal: The game that can give you 10 extra years of life | Video on TED.com

In it she talks about creating a game to help her overcome some suicidal thoughts and feeling stuck in her pain. The video takes a few minutes to get interesting but it was a useful for me to identify some factors in changing your disposition. She cites:

* physical resilience - move.
* mental resilience - focus + willpower
* emotional resilience - curiosity or love (experience 3 positive emotions for 1 negative emotion per hour)
* social resilience - gratitude or touch


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## Rasbuten66 (Jun 29, 2012)

I am finding that keeping up with my workouts is keeping me sane. It's amazing how a half hour workout with a trainer where the entire focus is on me has helped. I also scheduled a few extended weekends with a friend of mine whose husband wanted out and they divorced last year. These trips are 2 months apart so I have something to look forward to on the difficult days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

definitely my friends have been a godsend. there is rarely a time that there isn't somebody for me to talk to or hang out with.

going back to the gym this week i know is going to help alot!

watching movies that he wouldn't want to watch.

reading books that aren't "relationship" or "self help"

TAM 

i got a mani and pedi yesterday, not having to worry about being back by a certain time, or following his schedule was awesome.


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## Rasbuten66 (Jun 29, 2012)

lulubelle said:


> definitely my friends have been a godsend. there is rarely a time that there isn't somebody for me to talk to or hang out with.
> 
> going back to the gym this week i know is going to help alot!
> 
> ...


I am also enjoying not having to be on anyone else's time schedule, it's very freeing. I think you have the right idea by treating yourself to some pampering with a mani/pedi. I haven't done that in so long, now I'm thinking it's something I should do for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

* Diet/Cleanse. I don't know if i'm going to recommend this with all the severe mood swings most of us go through. It does give you immediate control over something in your body. It should be a positive and healthy thing to do. The hunger pains can distract you from the waking coma. I've done a couple of short juice cleanses that have given me something to think about.

*mani/pedi/haircut/brows. Not just for girls. Who knew! It's pampering and it makes you look better. How can you possibly not feel better?

*retail therapy. whether you've lost a little weight or you can no longer wear that concert tshirt that has too many shared memories, shopping is a way for you to start visualizing your new life. just don't go overboard.


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