# Please Help!



## jncashep21 (Feb 28, 2012)

I just signed on this site as a new user today. I really need help but it is a very long story. I been married for almost 11 years now we have 3 drop dead gorgeous children together. When I met my wife we were real young. I was 18 when i got married. She already had a child I was a big partier everyday partied practically. I was a big child and she tried to settle me down, well that first year i didnt take marriage very serious I admit. I thought i could party and be married I took it for granted. Well I one day woke up with a hangover and her son was hovering over me wandering if i was ok. I felt so bad I wanted to make a change in my life. I stopped drinking and partying I was going to start growing up starting then. And I did never drink, I moved 2 hours away so I got away from the influence of friends and we started our life together. THings went weird bout the time i was trying to grow up and be the best daddy i could mommy was trying to be a child again. My wife had a terrible past growing up her mom would lock her up in the attic or outside the house and dad was workign all the time and didnt have much time for the children they had. It caused some mental issues for her. I helped her through things we got her GED for her I enrolled her into college she wasnt able to complete college but we had financial problems at that time and she worked. we had since then 2 other childrent together. Anyways she cheated on me i found out through other people and we had the huge arguement. But I stayed with her we ended up moving too another town too start over once again away from the temptation there. It hurt a lot i felt bad for her a lot and I do love her lots. She ended up cheating on me again with next door neighbor, I broke down asking why do you keep doing this, she said we were fighting a lot and it just happened, well too jump ahead she ended up after the second cheating we had her checked and she supposed to have psychlothymeia i guess sort of a bipolar . well I decided to stay with her if she was too continue her medicine. Well it lasted for about 2 months and she stopped taking it. I was cheated on again cuz she was unhappy. We kept moving everytime. Well the situation i am at now is the last 2 years of our marriage we fought a lot but I never really wanted too leave her because i was wanted the family together. I slept on the couch for two years we worked different shifts i worked nights i would get home take kids too school and pick them up because she was working. She worked a lot of overtime, but i dont think her checks matched alwasy with the overtime she worked. I cant forget everything going on. SHe is a good person I love her and have good memories with her also but I met a woman at work that i liked, now i have never cheated in my life but for some reason i wanted to get too know her just as a friend. We met at work and we both never showed interest with each other never hung out but we were comfortable around each other. I started talking to her about my problems, she never once told me to leave she was actually trying to help me well one thing she said is i need to make decisions not based on how it affects other people but i have to be happy too. The end of the marriage was hell but i got used to it but wasnt happy, she made me realize i need to be happy at least some. So i took the biggest step in my life I left my wife. I started hanging out with this other girls a month later. SHe makes me feel good she asks me how was work and seemed concerned about me. Still never done anythign with this girl but we became good friends well my wife went to a mental hospital was rediagnosed with a bipolar i believe B but could be wrong but this time she was put on Lithium. SHe was taking it and feeling better and seems to act better. I started after that to date the girl at work my wife moved to missouri with her uncle too possibly start the military. Now i am feeling bad my wife is crying all the time everyone is being mean too her she has no family support, she wanted in military for people to be proud of her now i am feeling guilty wandering if i should of stayed but i been trying soo long. Well i fell deeply in love with this other girl. my wife still struggling. me feeling guilty cuz i do love her also. My girlfriend and i had little arguments but one was she wanted a man that didnt have children taht she wanted to experience her first child with a person which it would be their first child also. She was going to give that up to be with me. I felt so bad because i wanted all her dreams too come true and i felt if i stayed and she chooses me she would give in on very important things in life. SO now i feel ****ty if i stayed with her i could ruin her life she deserves soo much and i dont know if i am able to provide all her wants, and my wife almost homeless in missouri falling apart lost everything she knows. So i made a new decision i left my girlfriend that I love so much to go back with my wife to take care of her i have always been her only confidence, and figured that way we can have our kids with us together again. I love my girlfriend more but i feel a weird obligation to make sure my wife is happy. I figured she was on medicine and things may be different. I gave up my job of 4 years the girlfriend (which i feel is my soulmate) to go and try to bring the family back together and too protect my girlfriend from possibly not being happy with me. it lasted 3 weeks, everything about my wife i hated she fixed, she was working on everything i was so impressed. But All i could do was think about my now exgirlfriend. I have never felt love like this before for anyone but the girlfriend, she feels the same for me that is why she was gonna give up her kid thing all that too be with me. so now I am here trying to work on my marriage, my wife gave up the military idea. But i found out she stopped taking her medicine also, i guess because she couldnt take it in the military that they had to revaluate her i didnt know this at the time. But now i am the bad guy cuz my wife is trying to change for me but all i can do is think of this other girl. I want to stay here but I want too leave, i think of the cheatings from my wife but yet the children loves us very much and i dont want to hurt them, my wife needs a friend and i am the only one that understands her im her only motivation, so i feel i have to stay regardless of what pains i have. I just want her to have a good life and my children and i can do that for them. But my heart isnt in the marriage its with the other girl. the other girl never met my kids but she likes kids. I have never lived with this otehr girl we have still alot too learn about each other and even though i feel like i could make it forever with the other girl there is still wandering if we could. If i stay i know i would be married forever and keep the family happy. I feel like i have to stay here. but i cant stop thinking of the other girl and we still communicate which i know you all will say dont do it thats my problem. she was my friend before being my girlfriend and dont want to lose that. She is so precious too me and i watn to make her dreams come true. but if i do my wife may go crazy and deep depression. My wife does love me a lot and i do very much believe she is done cheating and she wants to fix this. SHe cries all the time knowing that i would never fell in love if she didnt take the marriage for granted she says all her problems in life she caused and i hate her feeling like this and acting like this i am all she has. She has troubles making friends and her family is worthless. I know if i go to the exgirlfriend i would be happy but also be thinkinng of my wife all the time feeling guilty for the rest of my life that the family is broken up and my wife feeling the way she does. IF i stay I will have the family and things will seem good but i will be depressed cuz i am not with my exgirlfriend. WE both feel like we are soulmates. I am going nuts here =( I am a good guy and i care for other too much all i want is not to feel guilty and do the right thing and its tearing me apart. I hear people say stay together for the kids then people says thats not good for the kids i dont know i dotn think i will be entirely happy with either decision i will feel guilt

SOrry for this giant letter but i had to let it all out PLEASE HELP!


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

Please go back and edit your post, putting breaks in it. This wall of words is very hard to follow. I think you'll get more responses if you do that.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You wife is a serial cheater. Having bi polar isn't an excuse to cheat. Not even once. She is able to function in her life, but she has shown she lacks any love or respect for you through her repeated cheating.

Now she took some meds, claims they made her ok, and she wants you back, next you say she stopped taking the meds... Bottom line, she is going to go back to cheating if she hasn't already.

Divorce her , you should have the first time, second time,.. Third time she cheated. Go back to you job and gf who treats you right and get on living your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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