# One Shade of Grey



## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

A question for you all:

Sally’s a little pissed. She’s been having sex with Billy. They had sex before they got married and they’re having sex now. The problem is that they’re having the same kind of sex and it hasn’t really changed. Sally thinks it might have been alright sex once, but now it’s getting pretty so-so, if not downright lousy. 

Three weeks ago after have the same old sex she talked to Billy about it. She thought maybe Billy didn’t know any better, so she tried to give him some direction. She asked Billy to smack her rump - not enough to bruise, but enough to sting, and that he should do this when things are getting intense. 

Sally thought this is something simple, easy, not much to it, but in the last three weeks Billy hasn’t done it. She even reminded him once and he just ignored her. Sally’s now wondering what kind of person is so lazy that they can’t do such a simple little thing to please their lover? That’s what Sally thinks, Sally isn’t happy.

Billy hasn’t been sleeping well. He gets up and paces back and forth downstairs. Sally asked her to slap her while they’re having sex three weeks ago and he’s all torn up inside. All his life he’s never struck a woman and he’s proud of that. Yes, he gets it, he understands that there’s a difference. Striking someone in anger or frustration is way different. Sally didn’t ask for that. She asked him for a slap. She asked him for a slap so that she could enjoy sex with him more.

Is a slap a strike? Is a strike a hit? Billy wonders now if he ever heard that you never strike a woman - unless of course - she asks you to? How does he know how hard to smack a girl for a sting and not a bruise if he’s never smacked a girl? 

It’s tearing him up. He’s never raised a hand to a woman and he likes this about himself. He likes going to bed at night knowing that he can answer: _I never hit my wife_. Except now, he’s uncomfortable going to bed... because if he goes to bed, then they might have sex, and if they have sex, she might want smacked... Maybe, to save his own sense of honor, he’ll just go sleep on the couch...

Yes, I know! 

Real life isn’t usually this black and white.

But I’m curious to know: 
What do you think Billy should do 
and why you think he should do it?


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

I think Billy needs to grow up and realize the difference between hitting his wife out of anger and giving her a playful slap that enhances her pleasure. What if she wanted him to bite her lip a little? What about pinching her nipple? There are lots of things that skirt the line between pleasure and pain but they are a far cry from abuse.

Maybe he could tell his wife that they need a safe word if he slaps too hard. I guess I don't really see the problem here.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I think Billy better get his head on straight before I swoop in and steal his girl.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Isn't this pretty simple? He should sit down with Sally and explain his reluctance/hangup to comply with her request that he slap her rear and that it's because he was brought up never to strike a woman. Then she'll understand that he isn't ignoring her request but is conflicted all to hell. They can talk through all of Billy's questions and doubts and maybe come up with a solution. While he's at it, Billy might reveal some of the things HE'd like to do that they haven't been doing.

C-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-i-o-n.


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## vanessa365 (Aug 17, 2012)

Perhaps Billy can do this subtly at first, and once he realizes it, he might like it....especially when she starts getting more aroused from it.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

if your chick said, smack my ass daddy....then smack her on the ass.

my husband went through a similar thing, but he just did it one day, best day...ahhh memories.

just smack her ass next time you are having sex, she will be happy.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

justonelife said:


> What about pinching her nipple?


i dislike that as my nipples are very sensitive, i would bite any man that did that to me.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

If it truly made Billy uncomfortable, then he should sit Sally down and talk to her about it, telling her that this isn't his cup of tea so to speak. Communication is one of the most important aspects of making a relationship work.

However, now onto the topic at hand. There is a difference between being spanked in the middle of it and being physically abused. Some people get off on the pain, bringing them. Now, if Billy had hit Sally out of anger, then that is what Billy should be worried about. Seeing as it is not about that, than Billy shouldn't worry about it.


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## DrunkenH (Jul 29, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DrunkenH (Jul 29, 2012)

Sally is going to find it somewhere else, and Billy will wind up on this site searching for answers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

cloudwithleggs said:


> i dislike that as my nipples are very sensitive, i would bite any man that did that to me.


He'd probably do it just to get you to bite him.... :rofl:


Billy needs to talk to Sally and tell her why he is reluctant. Billy has obviously learned that Sally is NOT into vanilla sex all the time. Is Billy ok with other non-vanilla sex?

My husband will come up behind me, or when I am walking away from him, he will smack my ass. I don't like pain, believe me... But I squeal in delight at that smack. It's not something I would ask him to do, ordinarily. But he can tell by my reaction whether I like something or not. And, if he gets to rough, smacks too hard, pinches too hard, I tell him it hurt and to do it a bit lighter next time. It's all about communication.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Billy ..... needs.... to.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

How about billy starts off with rubbing sallys ass then gently patting it.... and just pat it a lil harder each time....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Stop over thinking it. It's harmless.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

now I want some a** slapping. Oh, honey!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Slap it quick Billy before someone else does!


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

If she slaps you back, you did it too hard


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## Smoke (Jul 17, 2012)

Billy should go with it. He may enjoy it even more than Sally does because it holds a Taboo factor. 

I tried it one night to spice things up and was promptly told to not do it again.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

As a guy I totally understand the gentlemen thing but, this is different. I think Billy is being silly and should smack her hard and let her tell him if it is too hard. 

This IS something that Billy will be obligated to tell St. Peter if he asks if he ever hit a women. He will have to respond “Yes St. Peter I slapped her butt hard, just like she told me to do” "I did it in the spirit of 'honoring my wife' ”. A merciful God will understand. If Billly gets remarried,his new wife needs not be privileged to his bedroom antics with his then “ex” 

Slap it Billy!


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

I wanted to pop in and thank everyone for their time and thought with this question! 

The problem Billy faces is a question of personal ethics. 
His beliefs are in conflict with Sally's suggestions. 

His conflict stems from the value system that Billy has acquired during his life, and it's being caused by the differences between idealized, realized, and formal value systems. 

Many of you have suggested that he 'go ahead' simply because Sally (his wife) asked. Which is in ways similar to a crime drama on TV where the police elicit a full confession from a murder suspect by 'fooling' them into believing DNA evidence was found that links them to the crime. The Police have lied -which goes against their integrity- but only did so to catch the murderer. This is a form of the 'formal value system' and it could work to ease Billy out of his 'absolute value system'. 

It could also backfire, depending on what Sally's next suggestion might be that conflicts with Billy's personal value system, and how thoughtlessly Billy concedes control of his own value system to his spouse. 

There's a lot going on here, and I really enjoy your answers!

Many thanks!

=)


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

I think the crime drama parallel is a bit of a stretch. I also think the personal ethics is also a stretch. Does Billy know right from wrong? Personally, I think it is that simple.

And sorry in advance, but Billy may have to eventually make a choice between spanking Sally or spanking the monkey. What's his stance on animal cruelty?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

It also assumes a rigidity in the value system that causes major problems. My personal value system is not to harm others, yet I bend it if my daughter has a splinter by getting it out. To not do so would be worse.

The short term benefits of adhering to a personal value system that prevents Billy from "hitting a women" may be outweighed by the long term damage of ignore a request by his wife to meet her needs.


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## Posse (Jan 30, 2012)

Billy has been given consent, in fact, has been requested to slap that ass.

He isn't causing or even risking an injury or death to his partner. That is my personal NO-GO Zone, and should be Billy's, even if requested by the partner. I have had some women ask for some pretty strange things. "No, I am not willing to choke you while we are having sex." is one thing I told a woman once.

Billy walking up at a party and giving the wife a Pimp Hand across the face for no reason is hitting a woman. Light S&M in the bedroom is a totally different thing.

Why do I find my heart rate increasing as I write about light S&M??


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

rj700 said:


> I think the crime drama parallel is a bit of a stretch.


The example may have been a bit of stretch! =)

I only used it to show how in a "formal value system" there are different weights assigned to different actions. In this case there was less "weight" or less importance assigned to lying. Let me try another:

If Billy and Sally are dressing for an evening out, and Sally asks the ever popular question: Honey, do these jeans make my butt look big? Billy would have to "assign less weight" to lying - and he better do it quick! =) 

If he was stuck in an "absolute value system" he might say: Your big butt makes your big butt look big - and the percent chance of Billy sleeping on the couch for the next month just went up exponentially! 

That's the difference between the "Absolute" value system and the "formal" one. In the formal system - he can tell a white lie.

In as much that Billy (according to most everyone that has answered this question about the slap) needs to alter his belief system structure from "absolute" (black and white) to "formal" (shades of gray) to accommodate Sally's request for a slap... 

comments like this really make think:



rj700 said:


> And sorry in advance, but Billy may have to eventually make a choice between spanking Sally or spanking the monkey. What's his stance on animal cruelty?


If I understand this correctly, what you're suggesting is that the "weight" or the "importance" of a marriage, and all it's promises of commitment is far less in 'importance' than having better sex.

Have I got that right?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

MrVanilla said:


> If I understand this correctly, what you're suggesting is that the "weight" or the "importance" of a marriage, and all it's promises of commitment is far less in importance than better sex. Have I got that right?


I understand it to mean that if your wife requests something to fullfill a need, and you refuse, she is likely to pull back. In this case, that may mean Sally not being willing or interested in providing the type of sex that Billy wants.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I think Billy better get his head on straight before I swoop in and steal his girl.


Lol, reminds me of something a friend used to say years ago: "show me a man who doesn't like to or know how to give oral, and I'll show you a woman I can take from him". 

Before my W, I've never struck a woman in bed or out. One day fairly early on, she expressed a desire to be spanked. It took her mentioning it once. And I smacked that azz! First time ever for me. Felt odd at first. But she loved it. Now a properly timed spank or 5 can really get her going. It's not rocket science. It increases response in some women because it's "naughty" and also increases blood flow to the area. A win-win if there ever was one. 

It also now serves as a nice "anchor" touch to get her in the mood. She can be walking by, doing dishes, whatever...and if I can give her a well placed smack on the azz, it seems like an almost instant turn on for her, and she's almost instantly in the mood. 

Turning her little butt "fifty shades" of pink and red at her request was one of the best things I've ever done for her. And me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

MrVanilla said:


> A question for you all:
> 
> Sally’s a little pissed. She’s been having sex with Billy. They had sex before they got married and they’re having sex now. The problem is that they’re having the same kind of sex and it hasn’t really changed. Sally thinks it might have been alright sex once, but now it’s getting pretty so-so, if not downright lousy.
> 
> ...


It's called compromise Mr. Vanilla aka "Billy."

Billy practices by slapping his own ass to see how hard he has to smack to make it sting "a little."

Sally gets her ass slapped "a little"... it may not sting as much as she wants..this time ......comprormise.

Billy stops pacing floors worrying that he is hitting women & Sally is happy


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

Lemme get this straight, not to long ago a woman posted how she does not like, or want to perform oral sex on her man... she is told not to go against her morals (or whatever) and he is just being selfish... but when the woman is not getting something from the man, for whatever reason, he needs just suck it up and just do it...

Someone help me with this?

Am I the only one who see's when a woman goes elsewhere it's "the man not being attentive", but when the man goes elsewhere, its "He's being selfish"?


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

BTW, I grew up in a VERY sexually abusive house... my father against my mother... there is NO F U C K I N way I could even spank my wife... NOT happenin...


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

If billy over thinks his morals and values too much... All that could go wrong... If billy don't smack dat a$$... Jake will... And so much more... Then Billy's values goes out the window... Now billy punches jake... And Sally's crying...

Don't make Sally cry... Just smack it!


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

I rest my case


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Not a value judgement, just my experience: I have found the the words "turn over" followed by an immediate crack on the ass will yield outstanding results. Repeat as needed. Your welcome.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

My gut reaction?

"Billy" has a ton of sexual limitations and boundaries, and finds intricate, elaborate explanations to excuse himself from having to stretch outside his small box of allowable behavior.

"Billy" doesn't seem interested in much exploration, and he needs to just tell Sally that he's not interested in change, and won't be doing much to try and conform to her desires to turn him into a sexual dynamo. That way Sally can make an informed decision about what she wants to do with the relationship.


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