# Baby crazy



## bathoffire

I cant take it. I love my wife but it is always something. She knows we have a lot of things to work on and to do as a couple (we've become isolated, we want to sell our house, etc). Nothing motivates her though and sometimes i feel like things are pointless. 

One of things she freaks out about is babies. She doesn't want one, feels she isn't stable enough to care for one, but still freaks about how she is soon going to reach an age were she wont be able to have one. She doesn't want to look back and be bitter.

I try to get her to focus on the now but she gets mad at me. Tells me, i talking to her like she is crazy and that this is norrmal. Well if thats true normal sucks. 

I don't know what to do. I am a good husbend. I've been her nurse, her lover, a bread winner, a therpist, everything i can but i just feel she is bitter and ungrateful. 

She has a nice life but its not good enough and apparently my happiness does't come first. We need a special purpose like the baby.


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## SimplyAmorous

bathoffire said:


> I cant take it. I love my wife *but it is always something.* She knows we have a lot of things to work on and to do as a couple (we've become isolated, we want to sell our house, etc). *Nothing motivates her though and sometimes i feel like things are pointless*.
> 
> One of things she freaks out about is babies. *She doesn't want one, feels she isn't stable enough to care for one*, but still freaks about how she is soon going to reach an age were she wont be able to have one. She doesn't want to look back and be bitter.
> 
> I try to get her to focus on the now but she gets mad at me. Tells me, i talking to her like she is crazy and that this is norrmal. Well if thats true normal sucks.
> 
> I don't know what to do. I am a good husbend. I've been her nurse, her lover, a bread winner, a therpist, everything i can but *i just feel she is bitter and ungrateful.*
> 
> *She has a nice life but its not good enough* and apparently my happiness does't come first. We need a special purpose like the baby.


What is your wife bitter and Ungrateful about? 

She is not ready to become a MOTHER...in her own words she is not stable enough ....her motivation to have a child is born out of FEAR...a fear of regret. 

If she is not content NOW...nesting happily...in preparation for this new life to share with her husband.....I would say a baby will only add to the discontentment...and the stress you are feeling in the marriage...


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## Bobby5000

Part of this is classic men versus women stuff. 

Women like to express their feelings and frustration. Men only want to talk about problems in the context of creating solutions. How should we solve this is the end of each conversation. John Grey's Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, discusses this with the obvious conclusion that each needs to be a little more flexible. Talking about her frustrations is comforting for her and helps her think while you understandably say pick one or the other. 

When I was just married, my sister-in-law asked me for advice about a problem she was having. I spent some time outlining a solution and she expressed her appreciation and complimented my knowledge. I was impressed by myself and she asked me for a second piece of advice. Then I noticed she was also asking other people and noticed that she had not actually taken my advice. Instead, she simply liked to talk to people about issues or problems and get their advice. Now, if she says something, usually I say i don't know. 

Do note that minimizing problems, a reasonable tactic with men, tends to irritate women and get them feeling no one is recognizing what they are going through.


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## Anonymous07

SimplyAmorous said:


> What is your wife bitter and Ungrateful about?
> 
> She is not ready to become a MOTHER...in her own words she is not stable enough ....her motivation to have a child is born out of FEAR...a fear of regret.
> 
> If she is not content NOW...nesting happily...in preparation for this new life to share with her husband.....I would say a baby will only add to the discontentment...and the stress you are feeling in the marriage...


:iagree:

Adding a baby into the mix will only add in more stress to the relationship, so if there are problems now, they will only get worse if you have a baby now. Your relationship really needs to be stable and secure before you plan to have a child. Don't make the mistake of thinking a baby will fix things.


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## Theseus

bathoffire said:


> One of things she freaks out about is babies. She doesn't want one, feels she isn't stable enough to care for one, but still freaks about how she is soon going to reach an age were she wont be able to have one. She doesn't want to look back and be bitter.


How old is she?

One thing that might help ease her stress a bit is if she sees that you two are at least heading in that direction. Whatever you need to do to fix the situation to so that you are stable enough to have a baby (counseling, saving enough money, etc), start doing that now and have at least a general plan or an outline of how you are going to do this. I agree with Bobby in that a lot of women aren't really looking for a logical solution, but that's not the actual point. The point here is that if she sees that you are both at least putting one foot in front of the other in that direction, and have at least a vague guesstimate about when it could happen, then that might take the edge off and ease her stress a little.

One analogy I see myself is when I miss an highway exit, I feel stressed while I'm driving miles in the wrong direction to the next exit, but after I finally manage to turn around, I can feel my stress level immediately go down.


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