# Chosing between 2 women



## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I dated a women for 3 years and we separated for 3 months, she moved on quick but it didn't work, I moved on with someone that I care about but Im not in-love and not as attracted to as the previous girl. Now the bad part. I broke it off with girl #2 bc the first girl and I started dating again. I was having a hard time with the fact that she had sex with another man so quickly and then wants me back. After 1 month, I felt things were not good, so I went back to girl # 2. The 1st girl is the one girl that I will always love and she really wants me back and is sorry that the 1 month back together was bad,,,,she claims that she was upset bc she felt used by the guy she was with and some other issues. 
Im so confused bc the 1st girl,,,well,,,Im crazy about but we argue often. The 2nd girl,,we have more in-common but Im not in-love with her and not nearly as attracted to as the 1st girl. 
Im trying to not be shallow about looks but Im an ******* I guess and it does matter. 
My friends say neither girl but I just don't see it that way. I am having a really hard time with the fact that girl#1 had sex with another man,,,I guess bc I love her,,,it hurts real bad.
Yes I did have sex with girl#2,,,I know Im going to get hammered and called a hypocrite. Still cant change how I feel tho. The 2nd girl has her **** together,,she is an Nurse Practioner and Im a pharmacist,,,so we have a lot in-common. The 1st girl works at a daycare and has zero ambition but when we are together,,,I love her so much but we tend to also argue.
Im sorry if this is hard to follow. I love the first girl a lot but after 3 years,,things just haven't changed and the 2nd girl has so much potential if only I could move past needing her to be as attractive as the 1st girl.
Can you love 2 women at the same time???


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Do girl #2 a favour and do not go back to her. If you do not love her and are in love with #1, it is not fair to her.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Neither are a good match for you.

Go with girl number 3. Or 300.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Neither. And here's why.

Girl #1 gets your motor running. There is passion but it means arguing, too. This will be a constant hot-cold relationship and eventually she will not be as attractive to you - you'll be tired of being emotionally jerked around constantly. Her issues will still be there - she sounds like the type who likes drama. 

Girl #2 is logical. If you choose her you'll always wonder 'what if'. She won't get your full attention and she'll sense something is up. Eventually you'll become disenchanted, want that passion and not just good ole reliable girl #2.

Does either girl know you were waffling between two? 

So do yourself a favor and find yourself a #2 personality with a #1 spark. Hold out for the whole package; don't settle for one or the other.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

> The 1st girl is the one girl that I will always love and she really wants me back and is sorry that the 1 month back together was bad,,,,she claims that she was upset bc she felt used by the guy she was with and some other issues.


I stopped reading when I got this far. It made me wonder if you were a revenge affair for her. Maybe she thought you sleeping with her would hurt her other boyfriend the most deeply, since he hurt her? I don't know. It makes me wonder. 

Good luck. I think you might find someone else who is neither of these two and will make you happier with less reflection and confusion.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Neither. And here's why.
> 
> Girl #1 gets your motor running. There is passion but it means arguing, too. This will be a constant hot-cold relationship and eventually she will not be as attractive to you - you'll be tired of being emotionally jerked around constantly. Her issues will still be there - she sounds like the type who likes drama.
> 
> ...


This. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Neither. And here's why.
> 
> Girl #1 gets your motor running. There is passion but it means arguing, too. This will be a constant hot-cold relationship and eventually she will not be as attractive to you - you'll be tired of being emotionally jerked around constantly. Her issues will still be there - she sounds like the type who likes drama.
> 
> ...


What's the sex like with #2? Physical attractiveness has nothing at all to do with how hot the sex is. Yeah, it might be nice to your eyes, but they might not be into it at all.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

My daughter went through this in kindergarten.
She went on to date a first grader....

Do yourself a favor and sit down and actually get a good idea of what you want in a relationship and go from there. Bed hopping and silly games will not give you what you want and if there is doubt about both, then they aren't a good fit.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

How old are you?

If you want the honest truth, I'd say sit them down and tell each of them you've been cheating on them with the other one. My guess is you won't need to decide anything. By the way, I mean separately, not sit them down with each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Keep both - as FWB and nothing more.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

Ummm.... yeah, neither.

Move on to find someone more in the middle that will be a good long term partner.

It's much more painful to get entangled and then have to split later on, than to avoid it in the first place.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I remember your other threads-- including why #1 broke up with you and how you really feel about the looks of #2. 

Find #3.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

Ha ha, you had sex with someone else but that is suppose to be okay but her doing so isn't. No difference my friend. 

Do both girls a favor and not be playing with their hearts this way.

I'm not sure you love either or the decision would be simple.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

same here. give yourself break from opposite sex, and try to figure out what you looking for. Neither one sounds like your match. if there is a lot of arguing alreay, it will become worse. And once the "in love" stage is over, those arguments will kill your relationship. That's what had happened to me. Those arguments do not bring make up sex anymore, they bring dry season.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Well, definitely not girl number 2.

If you married her, eventually she would figure out that "you weren't all that into her", and she would _hate_ you for patronizing her.

You are not an azzhole for finding looks to be important. I think they are important to 99% of us, if we are being honest.

But don't tease and use a girl who thinks you _are_ attracted to her when you aren't.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Here's a song for you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCsiqgKERAo


IS Girl#2 too loyal and predictable for you?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules
Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool
Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules

Who gets it?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

intheory said:


> Well, definitely not girl number 2.
> 
> If you married her, eventually she would figure out that "you weren't all that into her", and she would _hate_ you for patronizing her.
> 
> ...



True that looks are important, I would only suggest that he be careful how much of his decision he bases on hotness. This is a big mistake a lot of men make. Hotness is fine for sex but if you want an actual functioning relationship/marriage you have to consider other things in addition to hotness. This is a classic case of a guy thinking with his d!ck, which seldom ends well.

I do think he's being unfair to number 2 though, it's clear he doesn't find her attractive and thinks he's above her. It's a sh!tty thing to keep someone who you have such feelings about around.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

You guys are right. Don't know if its mid-life crap or not. I was married for 17 years and girl#1 was the first I was with. I call her the "unicorn" bc when Im around her, I just melt. She does a lot of stupid stuff and isn't good with my son. I just cant get enough of her bc she is put together well and she and I get along "some". I think she need sto grow up to be honest. Im stuck on her bc she was married 10 years and I was the first for her. She is just now moving out of the house she was in,,she had "use and possession" for 3 years and she has never really paid a bill in her life. I think the responsibility of real life will help her in a ton of ways. I think she will grow and Ive been holding out for this.
Girl number 2 has it all really except Im just not super attracted to her. Im trying so hard to not be shallow. The first girl is a 9 so maybe Im not being fair to 2nd girl. Its hard for anyone to compete with girl#1 in that area. 
Anyway, I think my friends and you guys are correct in that neither is right for me or I wouldn't be so confused. I also think that I hate to be alone. Im a single dad and after 17 years of marriage,,lonliness is painful,,,it sucks. Theres not much to do where I live and I fear being alone something aweful. 
Maybe being alone will be therapeutic,,maybe not. Just the thought of it makes me so very sad. 
Thanks guys/gals!!!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

rep said:


> You guys are right. Don't know if its mid-life crap or not. I was married for 17 years and girl#1 was the first I was with. I call her the "unicorn" bc when Im around her, I just melt. She does a lot of stupid stuff and isn't good with my son. I just cant get enough of her bc she is put together well and she and I get along "some". I think she need sto grow up to be honest. Im stuck on her bc she was married 10 years and I was the first for her. She is just now moving out of the house she was in,,she had "use and possession" for 3 years and she has never really paid a bill in her life. I think the responsibility of real life will help her in a ton of ways. I think she will grow and Ive been holding out for this.
> Girl number 2 has it all really except Im just not super attracted to her. Im trying so hard to not be shallow. The first girl is a 9 so maybe Im not being fair to 2nd girl. Its hard for anyone to compete with girl#1 in that area.
> Anyway, I think my friends and you guys are correct in that neither is right for me or I wouldn't be so confused. I also think that I hate to be alone. Im a single dad and after 17 years of marriage,,lonliness is painful,,,it sucks. Theres not much to do where I live and I fear being alone something aweful.
> Maybe being alone will be therapeutic,,maybe not. Just the thought of it makes me so very sad.
> Thanks guys/gals!!!


Have sex with #2 and see if that lets you see her in a different light, if it does not, then stop wasting her time. After enough #1's dog you out, #2's might be super duper attractive to you.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

rep said:


> ... she has never really paid a bill in her life. I think the responsibility of real life will help her in a ton of ways. I think she will grow and Ive been holding out for this.


Stay away from this one. If she's never paid a bill in her life, never had to stand on her own two feet, you will likely become her financial crutch. Don't become her walking ATM machine.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool
> Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules
> Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool
> Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules
> ...


Mary McGregor, circa 1978? I'm guessing. I didn't look it up


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Hey OP "doesn't get along with my son should be the deal breaker. Are you serious? You really need to grow up.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Dude just move them to Saudi Arabia and marry them both. What's the hesitation for?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Um, unless girl #1 was married at 16 and is just on her own for the first time at 26, she is NOT going to grow up and change. Haven't you learned by now? People don't change! They can grow up some but it's way past time for girl #1 to have the basics of standing on her own two feet down pat.

Here's how girl #1 is going to be long term. Petulant, demanding, high maintenance and expensive. She is not going to morph into a hot #2. She will not become career driven, responsible, conservative and a good step mom. She is going to go from man to man, sucking them in with sexy spontaneity and cute pouting until she gets her way which will include cohabitation and likely a vehicle. Her life will be full of drama and when each dude catches on and has had enough, she'll look for the next white knight.

I agree with whoever said not getting along with your son should be a dealbreaker. Stop thinking with your d*ck. You're too old for that. Look who needs to grow up, now.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

The Box! I'll take the box Monty!


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

This time should be spent figuring out your priorities. #1 didn't work, #2 didn't work. Keep looking until you find someone that does. Both those girls deserve someone who will want them as they are. 

My H was with enough #1s (extremely hot girls with nothing else going for them) and eventually his priorities changed and he wanted a #2- not settle for, actually WANT. I would never want to be settled and I'm sure these girls don't either. Eventually that thing you were missing from either of them will become more of an issue. 

It's not like these are your only 2 options.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> The Box! I'll take the box Monty!


Too funny, I forgot about that!! The "box" prize almost always s*cked...

:rofl:


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

That's messed up, so you did EXACT same thing Girl #1 did to you?

leave BOTH of the girls alone and find someone new.

Girl #1 is no good as she clearly not only broke up with you but jumped into bed with another men. That's something that will hang over your head FOREVER.

Girl #2 you said it yourself, you don't love/there isn't a deeper connection AND quite frankly, you don't deserve her based on what you pulled with her.

Find a new woman!


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Rep,

You got a bad case of oneitis for girl #1. While girl number 2, is ok.

Your not married. Your barely committed. So here's what I'd recommend doing. Get rid of Girl #1 and tell Girl #2, that you need to have options open for other people (if you haven't already).

Start dating more people!!! See the problem with girl number 1 is that you have her on a pedestal. She's got some good girl game, but she's a little batshyte. So add more women to the mix. 

See the thing is, if you are dating more than one woman, you can look at the crap other women give you with prospective. You can say "Oh, girl number 2 is chill, she doesn't give me crap about XYZ". This gives you the ability to next a girl like your current "Girl #1"

As men, we make better choices about our long term relationships when we have options. If a woman comes along who has a bunch of qualities that the others don't you can say "wow, I want something more from her" because now you have prospective.

Even if you aren't capable or don't want to do this method, you should be able to move on quickly when there's too much drama. Its a numbers game.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

You guys are all correct about girl #1,,,,she is gorgeous and we click when we are just by ourselves. I do have her on a pedestal,,thats true. She fell off when she slept with another guy and that WILL haunt me forever. I do feel that I will always love girl#1,,we just have this connection but when you do see other women,, her lack of qualities comes to surface. Im trying not to be shallow with either girl. Girl #1 works at a daycare and makes no money and relies on Child Support to get by. She has zero drive in life and that bothers me but Im trying not to let that dictate me,,although I guess it should and does matter.
Girl#2 has a ton of drive but wow, she has zero BS tolerance and Ive learned that I seem to control women to a certain degree and didn't realize until girl#2. If we have even a little tiff,,forget the sex until its resolved but with most women, they don't usually so no to me regardless. I think you guys are right,,I do need to grow up and so does girl#1.
I see a ton of otential in girl#2 but she is a strong women and it does take a very secure man, a very strong man to be with a strong women. Not all guys love these women that say, "I am women, hear me roar". I like to be dominate and be the caveman somewhat.
If that makes any sense??
Thanks


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like part of the attraction of #1 is that she's a mess and thus she's not a strong woman. Mix that with her looks and she just sucks you right in.

That's a dangerous mix. Her lack of financial stability, lack of even knowing how to pay bills will cause you a lot of problems if you marry her. Think of it. You will be the sole support in that marriage. She'll run up debt putting you the poor house.

What lead to your divorce?

What lead to #1's divorce?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Yep, #1 seems like she makes you want to step up and rescue her. 

#2, I suppose, makes you feel a little inadequate. Likely she will do so even more if you step out of line at all. It's not attractive for all men. 

Step back and work on yourself, but be true to who you are. You may not want such a strong woman as #2, but you can likely find a good mix of what's hot about #1 and what's secure about #2, without the feelings of being slightly inferior and always having to be on your guard to be the very best you can be. 

#2 almost sounds a little stuffy. #1 is all fun and freedom. Don't deceive them or make them think you are going to be around forever. Be honest with them. You may lose #2, but I don't think it's that big of a loss. #1 would be great for a fun night, but likely not a long-term committed relationship, yet. 

I don't know. YMMV


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Tell the girls about each other and let them make the choice. Advise them of your dilemma. The truth shall set you free.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

breeze said:


> Tell the girls about each other and let them make the choice. Advise them of your dilemma. The truth shall set you free.


:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

I think this one of those situations in what OP want to hear someone saying "go for girl number one real passion and how you feel about her is what matters", but no sorry, not here dude, many people here for their esperience known what personalities and sort of relationships are destined to be doomed,

passion is over rated, what matters is compatibility, because that ends always destroying the passion.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

you DO REALIZE that normal people date more than one person at a time??? Date both of them, without letting either move in. See where it goes. This is not an all or none sort of thing.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

rep said:


> She fell off when she slept with another guy and that WILL haunt me forever.


Which she did when you were broken up and you also had sex with someone else so... yeah. Hypocrital.

But this: 



rep said:


> Girl #1 works at a daycare and makes no money and* relies on Child Support to get by*. She has zero drive in life and that bothers me


You would think that would be a turn OFF. 

I certainly wouldn't want to date with someone who relied on a court-mandated check to "get by" and had zero drive.

Everyone here has nailed this: girl 1 is your passion/hot sex/attraction but you don't get along (love is stupid); girl 2 is probably the more logical choice but you don't pine or long for her (that is bad). 

I echo everyone who said: neither. Spend some time on yourself. You will never be fully invested in girl 2 because you are still in love with girl 1. You will never move on from girl 1 if you stay stuck in this crazy cycle. 

I had a "girl 1" of my own - my ex. We could not get along at all, had totally different ways of dealing with things/personalities/communication but the hottest sex. We were amazing in bed but not much in the relationship. Sometimes, hard as it is, you have to get off the roller coaster ride.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Stop thinking with your d*ck. You're too old for that. Look who needs to grow up, now.


:iagree:


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

How are things with you and your teenage daughter? Has she come around yet?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

murphy5 said:


> you DO REALIZE that normal people date more than one person at a time??? Date both of them, without letting either move in. See where it goes. This is not an all or none sort of thing.



guess I was abnormal

there's nothing wrong with choosing to be monogamous even in casual dating


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> guess I was abnormal
> 
> there's nothing wrong with choosing to be monogamous even in casual dating


You're abnormal all right.....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> guess I was abnormal
> 
> there's nothing wrong with choosing to be monogamous even in casual dating


I'm not one for multi-dating either. How can you keep all the stories, people straight?!


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

rep said:


> You guys are right. Don't know if its mid-life crap or not. I was married for 17 years and girl#1 was the first I was with. I call her the "unicorn" bc when Im around her, I just melt. She does a lot of stupid stuff and isn't good with my son. I just cant get enough of her bc she is put together well and she and I get along "some". I think she need sto grow up to be honest. Im stuck on her bc she was married 10 years and I was the first for her. She is just now moving out of the house she was in,,she had "use and possession" for 3 years and she has never really paid a bill in her life. I think the responsibility of real life will help her in a ton of ways. I think she will grow and Ive been holding out for this.
> Girl number 2 has it all really except Im just not super attracted to her. Im trying so hard to not be shallow. The first girl is a 9 so maybe Im not being fair to 2nd girl. Its hard for anyone to compete with girl#1 in that area.
> Anyway, I think my friends and you guys are correct in that neither is right for me or I wouldn't be so confused. I also think that I hate to be alone. Im a single dad and after 17 years of marriage,,lonliness is painful,,,it sucks. Theres not much to do where I live and I fear being alone something aweful.
> Maybe being alone will be therapeutic,,maybe not. Just the thought of it makes me so very sad.
> Thanks guys/gals!!!


Mid-life??

:scratchhead:

How come you talk like a 14 year old? You do drugs of any kind??


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> I'm not one for multi-dating either. How can you keep all the stories, people straight?!


Some folks do it by keeping the pet names the same, so they don't have to remember names.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> I'm not one for multi-dating either. *How can you keep all the stories, people straight?!*


and this is why I consider someone who can multidate with no problem, a potential cheater.

Don't mistake my words, I am not saying that all multi-daters will be eventually cheaters in their marrigaes, but if you are gonna bet, at least try with the highest odds you can find on your side.

even for those multi-daters who claim are honest about seeing more than one person at the time, they can not be 100% honest, or are you going to tell me that if they are asked "what did they did yesterday?" by one of those they are dating, they are going to honestly answer "hoo i had sex with the other person I am seeing"


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## have_faith (Oct 18, 2014)

Go for #3 :yawn2:


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

well I broke it off with both. Im 43 years old and single,,,god that sucks. This time of the year is the most romantic.
Married 17 years, then 3 year relationship and a half assed 4.5 month back and forth. 
Never thought I would end up like this. 
Guess I pick myself up and start over.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Well, the outlook is good. You obviously have something that women like. Keep moving forward.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Thanks, Ill try. Just want a good women and live life to the fullest.


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