# H moved out tonight....surprisingly calm(me)



## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

its been 6 weeks since he crushed my world.... Today he moved some stuff out fo the house as he had already picked out an apartment a couple weeks ago. I told him to move his **** out while I was not home because I didnt want to be around.

Surprisingly enough I got home an hour or so ago....and I thought I was going to totally lose it but I am rationally calm and at ease right now. The therapist said even though I dont have a valid reason for his actions...enough to get real closure, I would have to come to terms and accept this is how it will be...its been less than a week that I have had to grasp that idea and just keep my head up.... 
RIght now I'm ok.... I'm excited to sleep in my house and sleep through an entire night without waking up every hour wondering when he is coming home from work (which ash been 12-3am every night since this happened)

I am sure I will have downs to come.... and many more tears to shed, but every day it gets just slightly better (that might be exaggerating) but I do feel that I will come out of this a much stronger and wiser person and be ready to accept someone else in the future because I know what I want and what I don't want.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Shelly29 said:


> its been 6 weeks since he crushed my world.... Today he moved some stuff out fo the house as he had already picked out an apartment a couple weeks ago. I told him to move his **** out while I was not home because I didnt want to be around.
> 
> Surprisingly enough I got home an hour or so ago....and I thought I was going to totally lose it but I am rationally calm and at ease right now. The therapist said even though I dont have a valid reason for his actions...enough to get real closure, I would have to come to terms and accept this is how it will be...its been less than a week that I have had to grasp that idea and just keep my head up....
> RIght now I'm ok.... I'm excited to sleep in my house and sleep through an entire night without waking up every hour wondering when he is coming home from work (which ash been 12-3am every night since this happened)
> ...


I'm happy for you that you are taking it fairly well (so far) <<<<<Hugs>>>>>

Somehow I wish I could move on already....being in an apartment and things settling....(although I'd rather have dh come around and tear up the papers)....anything better than this uncertainty


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

You need to make your own life... just like I had to come to terms and accept the fact that ending this marriage was all him and I had to sit back and watch it. It was depressing, unfair, hurtful.....I can either keep feeling that way (even though he wont change his miind) or I can slowly and painfully accept, focus on me and move forward because I deserve better.....and you too deserve better!


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Trust me I want to...but financially I can't do it yet (without his help)....

There are the following scenarios....

1) He will want to sign the papers after tomorrow (when I take the mandatory parenting class)....

2) He will want to wait until after Christmas to ensure a peaceful Holiday.....

A third scenario would be he's contemplating a second chance, but...who am I kidding.....

He won't get me an apartment until the papers have been signed I'm sure....so until then....I'm in limbo....sorta....


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Just had a long and tearful talk with him  .....

I hate myself for letting it come to this ....


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

*hugs* if he hasnt changed his mind, you need to be strong and keep minimal contact with him. Its for the best.


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

I'm glad you are doing all right. I found everything so much easier once my H, and his things, ere no longer surrounding me. It made it easier to focus more on myself and to take steps towards being happy. 
I'm happy that you are okay ... and impressed with how strong you sound! Things will get better each day. You never know what is just around the next bend.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Thanks Colour-me-confused. I have always been very strong...Im the kind of person that didnt like having people see me cry.... I'm more of a baby now though, LOL but I think of it this way: 

He did this to me...he chose this path for me, I'm not going to sit around and mope and cry and be all depressed, although I do have my times almost everyday, but not as much as the first couple weeks. He doesn't get the satisfaction and pleasure of messing up my life that easy. I deserve better and I WANT better... (although right now its hard to think what is better than him.....)


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

well done shelly on postive attitude....5 weeks for me since I moved out of the house....have been having real difficult moments of missing LIKE CRAZY this week..so much it hurts....he will be moving out of our home to his apartment next weekend...I am dreading seeing all his things gone and an empty house but agree about not being stressed wondering what time he will get in...my husband was out very late many nights prior to our separation...it was so stressful for me, I found it a big relief to sleep without worrying where he might be / with who and what time he might / might not come home....that was so miserable, I couldn't have taken it much longer. I am hoping and praying for brighter and more peaceful days ahead. He told me he has bought his tickets back home to be with his family for christmas, it broke my heart....WE were family....I will missing being with all his family at Christmas cos I was supposed to be there too....


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I hear ya Marigold..... Im emotionally so drained today.... I thought I was doing good the last couple days but today I'm in such a lull....i hate it. It must be cause its Friday night and I have to come home to an empty house.....alone. Tomorrow will be different and fine, its just trying to get through the rest of the night. ugh I hate this rollercoaster.


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## Chasing Rainbows (Oct 9, 2010)

I would say I am sorry to hear that he has moved out but seeing as this is what he wanted, his choice, I feel it will help you to deal with the situation you find yourself in. By the sounds of it you are doing great! It is perfectly normal to have a lull or some down time. Although it is absolutely awful we do have to feel every emotion, allow it and acknowledge it and I think you are right by doing this you will come out the other side stronger and wiser for it. 

I am now 4 months into my separation. I still miss him, I still cry, I feel all the array of emotions that come with a separation but I also find that they do not linger for as long as they used to. I see changes in myself and I like them. I am more assertive, more confident. I have plans for my future which excite me. Would I still want my ex back? Probably yes... however, I would not want to go back to how things were. I also would not want to go back right now, although I did not want this I feel I need this time now to grow and make my own choices. If he ever did want to try again I think he will find that I will be a different person to the one I was and by which time I may not actually want him back!! 

Hang in there, you are doing great, I admire your strength.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Thanks Chasing Rainbows... Its been 7 weeks and I think for 7 weeks im doing ok....although I have my melt downs on my way home from work when im alone....but I know I will be fine, all in due time.

It just sucks having to accept and let go of something that was so normal and felt so right....I would have never seen this coming a million miles away, which i think is sometimes why its so hard for me to grasp all this.

I can see all you people slowly moving forward, keeping a chin up and feeling every day just a bit better.... I want that and I know I'll get there....I'm just really tired of hurting and really tired of these ups and downs...they are very draining.


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

I also found it easier with stbx out of the house. I am looking forward to selling this house and moving into my own as it still dont feel right being in our marital home. I also wasnt going ot sit and beg or mope around. And I was shocked at how fast I felt better. I think he was more shocked that i just let him go. He still does the strangest things, i am not sure if he is just used to me being there for 20 yr. like yesterday he asked what time i was having thanksgiving dinner, I told him noon, he looked at me sad and said I will pick andrew up at 3, I have to have dinner at my brothers. I said yeah I know. 


I gave him and extra christmas tree i had and ornaments so he could put a tree up for my son at his place, he took it and then this morning he called and said were out riding around looking for another tree, the one u gave me was real spacy(it isnt he dont know how to opent he branches) he said noone has good ones out here and went on and on about the tree, I really didnt need to know he didnt like it and was getting a new one, it was like he just wanted to call and chat. I cut him off and asked him to put my son on the phone, I dont want him to think i am gonna be here for him to just call and chat with.


and the other day he said its time for your tires to be rotated there is a paper in the draw call the place they will do it free, I know he is a little concerned and still cares, and i appriciate it. but I wont sit and wait for him, I go out all the time and I am living my life like I am supose to. my son is my savior and we continue to do great because i didnt let it get to me.


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