# Generation gaps



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Throughout my childhood I noticed severe generation and cultural gaps between me and my family. I found it detrimental to my relationship with both parents, and hence nowadays I strive to close any possible generation gaps with my daughter. 

So far, I have yet to encounter any problems - she's not in teens yet (which I heard is when potential problems will escalate). It would break my heart however, if such a thing happens between us. From daddy's little girl to someone who's ashamed of her daddy - nah, not going to happen!!!

So -> how do you guys deal with generation gaps?


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

I thinks the social landscape is not changing as much as it was 50-60 years ago so there is less significant generation gap conflicts overall.

But I've found if you treat kids with respect and hold back on instant judgement then you should get along just fine. Be inquisitive about things that they do that are new and don't imply the new ways are worse than the old with attitude.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

We are 4 generations and 2 cultures in one house. 

We get along great there is respect in our home for everyone regardless of age. There is also understanding of our differences, acceptance and love go a long way. 

As far as being ashamed goes. I've never experienced shame for my parents. My parents are people I've been proud of my entire life. Proud of their many achievements and proud of the way they raised me and my brother. 

I hope I'm giving my children the same, a feeling of pride not shame. I think it's going well so far. My appearance doesn't embarrass my teens they don't mind introducing me to friends. They have both been told by friends that they envy the relationship that my kids have with me. My sons friends tell him they have never heard a guy speak to their mom so nicely. He answered my mom is a person that deserves my respect. 

I look at it as I get what I give. I give love, understanding and respect and that's what I get in return.

ETA: now if I could just wrap my head around the whole tattoo thing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Generally a young teen will come to a point where they think that they know it all and their parents are stupid and know nothing. Then when they get to their mid 20's they realize that mom and dad are pretty smart and know what they are talking about.

This happens as a way for teens to start being their own person. They have to separate from their parents and thinking that their parents are old fogies who know nothing is one the things that helps them separate.

When my kids were going through that I found it humorous. It did not bother me. I knew that they would come around.

It's not 100% to happen with your daughter, but if it does just recognize that it's her subconscious telling her that she needs to become her own person.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I think it's important to be interested in what interests your kids. I'm 50 with a 20, 17 and 9 year old. I ask them questions all the time about their hobbies, music, sports. They really keep me young.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Throughout my childhood I noticed severe generation and cultural gaps between me and my family. I found it detrimental to my relationship with both parents, and hence nowadays I strive to close any possible generation gaps with my daughter.
> 
> So far, I have yet to encounter any problems - she's not in teens yet (which I heard is when potential problems will escalate). It would break my heart however, if such a thing happens between us. From daddy's little girl to someone who's ashamed of her daddy - nah, not going to happen!!!
> 
> So -> how do you guys deal with generation gaps?


I accept and respect my parents as they are and my kids do things my way until their name is on the mailbox. Mutual understanding is not necessary and generation gaps are not authorized. My daughters and my grandchildren would be ashamed of me if I attempted to act their age. They have lots of peers. It's not in my job description to be one.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> Mutual understanding is not necessary and generation gaps are not authorized.


It may not be necessary to understand but it sure made it easier for me if I understand my parents and why they felt the way they did on certain issues. 

When I was in my early 20's living at home going to college. My father still laid down the rules. No going away overnight/sleeping in the same room with opposite sex. Most of my friends thought it was insane, I was an adult. I complied not because I felt I had to. I complied because I respected my father and also understood that his values were not even from his generation. He grew up the youngest of 9, my grandpa born in 1895 of course my dad had "throwback values". 

My mother comes from a different country my understanding of her culture and the differences made it easier for me to respect her point of view.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, I play more of an encouraging - guiding role rather then disciplinary to be honest, mostly because she's always well behaved with me for some reason and very sweet, she drives her mum nuts instead - but not always.

I just fear our relationship suffering due to a possible generation gap, however if what meron said is true, that the gap is not as large in present generations, should be fine yes?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

A gap will depend entirely on your relationship. DD24 considers me her best friend, tells me everything, has almost never been afraid to be honest (except for a couple boy issues in her teens). But I always told her I would never judge her and would always love her no matter what she did; that I might not like what she was DOING, but it wouldn't affect my love. 

She's told me she didn't really believe me, but when the above-mentioned issues came up and I was true to my word and didn't judge her, it proved to her that I was safe to talk to.

IMO, that's what you need to strive for.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

Well, there will come a time when your kid doesn't want to be seen in public with you and you embarrass them.

It's normal, and will pass. For me, it started around 13-14 and lasted until about 20. 

That doesn't mean they don't like or love you. Just thay they are going through a faze.

As for generational gaps. I really only ran into one with my family. 

I live in Ohio now, but am originally from rural Kentucky. My wife is a black woman, while I'm a white guy.

Older family members really had a hard time with this. Some I wasn't surprised about, but some I was.

For anyone under the age of 60 in my family it want an issue, over the age of 60 it was.

In the end it worked out. Most of them came around and realized they were wrong in the end. The others, were really old and we'll, people don't live forever.

Also interesting, we went through the exact same thing with her family too. Right down to the age thing and everything. Older people had an issue, younger ones didn't care.


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