# Kids clothes



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Just curious do you buy your children separate clothes to keep at your house for them? How does everyone do this?


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## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

proudwidaddy said:


> Just curious do you buy your children separate clothes to keep at your house for them? How does everyone do this?


A friend of mine has two sets, since she and her ex fight about this all the time. 

1 set for her boy to wear back to his fathers "the in transit" clothes. 2nd set for her home, This way when her ex punishes the kid by tossing out his jacket or what ever, there is little damage. Most of these clothes were purchased at Value Village and/or Good Will.. Sad to say the least...


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

When we were separated I sent our oldest with a bag of clothes. He did have some extra things at his dad's but we basically shared his wardrobe between houses.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Kids have their favorite things to wear.
There is almost no way you can keep stuff separate without being overly controlling of the kids' right to wear stuff that belongs to them that they want to wear. 

That said, sharing is not always advisable for things that are absolutely necessary, such as winter outerwear, socks, underwear, swim suits, sneakers/runners, etc. 

We tried in the beginning to share stuff that was on the pricier side but then it was a big hassle as my kids' dad is forgetful. So it created a lot of stress to have only one set of things. 

For us, this includes bicycles and helmets and winter outerwear including boots. However, we do get things second hand/used when we can. But the kids are free to bring any of their stuff from one house to the other. My daughter even showed up with a cat from her dad's house one Sunday. 

It's sad that some kids in this world have two of everything including homes, furnishings, toiletries, etc. even two sets of parents and extra sets of grandparents and siblings, while some kids in the world go without.

Logically and theoretically kids would only need one set-up, but in the real world it doesn't work that way. As they get older, expect stuff to migrate.

If it's going to be a hassle if something doesn't come back, either send a checklist (or email the other parent a photo of everything that's going that needs to come back) or buy duplicates.

My son wanted his hiking boots for summer camp. But he left them here, and I'm not going to drive 60+ miles to drop them off, Fedex is not a possibility, so he is living with the fact that he forgot to take them. He is almost 14 and understands, he said it was his 'preference' that he would have them... this is a kid who used to be more on the autistic scale, obviously he has learned to cope with change and change-ups. In this way, I think having two households is good for him, vs. an undesirable situation. They learn to be flexible and to have different ideas of 'needs' vs. 'wants' and what differentiates a 'necessity' from a 'need'.

As a kid I frequently went without stuff (not due to divorce, just a cheap mother parent who would rather go on cruises and get her hair done) and learned this lesson as well.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Some parents are much better at sharing clothes than others. It depends on who you are co-parenting with. With a bad co-parent it's better to have two complete sets. With a good co-parent you could get away with less.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

My daughter's dad couldnt be bothered to get her clothes once he divorced again, so she always took her clothes from our house back and forth. ( her stepmom was pretty good about keeping clothes there for her) He keeps her stocked up with toiletry stuff, but she takes clothes and makeup with her.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Openminded said:


> Some parents are much better at sharing clothes than others. It depends on who you are co-parenting with. With a bad co-parent it's better to have two complete sets. With a good co-parent you could get away with less.


My kids' dad is a good co-parent, or has evolved into one.
But he is notorious for being forgetful and losing things.
When the kids were younger he would transfer funds to pay for things belonging to the kids that got lost while the kids were with him. But now that the kids are older, I expect them to keep track of their own stuff.

As their dad has bought them things like GPS and iPad and movie camera, this is good, because I would do what I expected him to do. I would be horrified if "I" lost something and had to replace it. 

My own policy for purchases is that I won't have a cow if things are lost or broken (or stolen.) I was mildly peeved when I replaced a gold chain on a nice piece of jewelry my daughter received from her dad's stepmother. She then proceeded to 'lose' it at school...I think maybe she lost it in a "trade". Foolish girl, it never turned up and I did not go to the school to look for it either. She can be accountable to the gift giver for the gift's disappearance if it comes to that. Not my problem. I learned my lesson and will not repair gifts like that in the future...jewelry is not really on my priority list for children. Or for myself.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

If you have a bad co-parent it doesn't really matter if you have two separate wardrobes or share one. 

I have purchased everything the kids need yet we are always missing things. It's like pulling teeth to get shoes, clothes and jackets back. 

Hurts the kids more than it does me. Such a shame.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Ceegee said:


> If you have a bad co-parent it doesn't really matter if you have two separate wardrobes or share one.
> 
> I have purchased everything the kids need yet we are always missing things. It's like pulling teeth to get shoes, clothes and jackets back.
> 
> Hurts the kids more than it does me. Such a shame.


That absolutely was the case with my ex-DIL during the years when joint custody was in place. Everything went over there and nothing came back. That's no longer the case because joint custody has ended. And I'm very grateful. Yes, the kids were the ones punished during those years.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Ceegee said:


> If you have a bad co-parent it doesn't really matter if you have two separate wardrobes or share one.
> 
> I have purchased everything the kids need yet we are always missing things. It's like pulling teeth to get shoes, clothes and jackets back.
> 
> Hurts the kids more than it does me. Such a shame.


At some point your kids should be able to look at a list, find things, and shove them into a big duffel bag.

Even little kids can use picture lists of common items.
You can get the pictures from activities of daily living lists for people with disabilities, they are very common.

Most kids are capable of keeping track of their things.
We just like to blame it on the bad co-parent 

If they are deliberately making it so that the kid cannot find or bring back the items, or deliberately destroying things or selling them off, or not helping the kid go get something that was forgotten at a venue/location, then that's an issue. But the kid needs to learn to advocate in that case, and defend and protect their property from the bad parent. Because the bad parent will always be that way, and when the kid is buying their own stuff, etc. they need to be alert to having their stuff 'lost' or 'destroyed/damaged' and have coping mechanisms in place.

i.e. kid should tell 'bad' parent...don't put my wool socks Mommy knit me special in the wash!


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## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

My ex and I get along great, so It's no big deal regarding stuff like that. When the kids come over the kids just pack what they need and that's pretty much it. Of course I have the basics, toothbrushes, shampoo, and whatever else they need.

It makes it so much easier when the parents get along, but I also know that it's not realistic in some cases.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My son packs a bag for the weekends he's at his father's house, just as he would for any other weekend trip. He has basic toiletries in his old room at his Dad's, but everything else he just packs back and forth. Luckily, on the rare occasion when he leaves something he needs at one house or the other, it's no problem at all for the other parent to swing by and pick up whatever it is that's missing.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I used to pack but now she packs her own... she takes clean clothes to wear and brings back dirty just like any other weekend trip, like Rowan. ExH always provided shampoo and toothbrush/toothpaste but as she got older and started wearing deodorant and makeup she takes that stuff. Actually she asks me for extras to leave there and she doesn't want to ask her Dad for tampons so I know she leaves those there as well - a nearly full box will go and none will come back but that's fine.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

In the beginning I was really anal about writing it all down and keeping a list and all that. 2 years later I've let it go for the most part.

I will still keep them from wearing really nice stuff to their moms, ie anything that I would be upset if she kept (like nice new jackets or shoes). But I'll probably change this too in the future.

What helped me was going to dadsdivorce.com and seeing how many people have such a more screwed up situation. I mean at the end of the day my ex sucks as a coparent and can be a huge PITA as far as returning clothes, but at least she's not hitting my kids, or introducing them to new men every week, or telling them her new boyfriend is daddy, or pulling them out of school.

Buying a few extra sets of clothes is a small price to pay....


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

When we were first D, I packed a bag everytime my son slept over at exh...I would never get back the amount I gave, at some point he had more of the childs clothes than I did for him being there 2 days every 2 weeks...so I just stopped sending any extra clothes, so that my ex had to buy his own for him... we still are trading clothes but I dont end up missing an entire wardrobe out of it...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

The kids go between homes with a suite case of clothes, been that way since we separated. We buy our own clothes as well that won't be sent along (unless the kids request) and if we do send something we'd like back or not damaged we are pretty good at giving each other a heads up.

At times we ask each other for certain clothing to borrow for events (such as dresses) but for the most part I make note to be self sustaining.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

This is a coparenting issue. If you have a good coparent you will have reasonable success no matter what the plan is. 

If you have a bad one you won't.

I am mildly OCD. I have a laundry room where I hang all of the kids empty hangars. After this past school year I had about 4 feet of empty hangars which represents about 75 articles of clothing. 

It took 4 or 5 emails requesting clothes to be returned to empty the hangar rack. 

As the end of the school year approached I realized I was going to need these clothes back for my month long possession. I got all of the clothes but the expensive shoes I did not. Still don't. 

My possession starts at the end of the school day and ends when they go back. No interaction with their mom so no opportunity to get these things back. Kids can't pack and take to school. 

I've learned to cope and make do. The kids know why they don't have tennis shoes to wear. 

When the kids come to me on Thursday they know to put their dirty clothes (from their moms) by the front door. My son comes to my house at the end of the day and he takes the bag back to his mom when she picks him up. 

I have a system and it works beautifully. She doesn't yet but as the kids continue to complain maybe she will. If she doesn't she has their complaints to listen to.


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## Boottothehead (Sep 3, 2013)

The husband's ex used to "pack" a little suitcase when the kiddo was with us. I use the quotes because it came with a random assortment of random items like no pajamas, 7 shirts, 1 pair of shorts and expired amoxicillin. At first, I bought cute little outfits and would send the kiddo back in them, and I never saw them again. After a few rounds of these encounters, I said Eff it, and decided we would just have our own wardrobe for the kiddo. It's come in handy when her mom sends her without a coat or hat, and the forecast is for sleet. I feel badly for the kiddo when I tell her her sparkly boots have to stay at her dad's house, but that way I know where they are and I know she'll have them to wear again. She's admitted her mom has thrown out items that she knows I've purchased for her.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

50/50 shared custody here. Son is 7. Has a contingent of clothing at my place and one at his moms. For the most part we keep things separate, occasionally a piece of clothing makes the crossing. Once in awhile I'll let a good piece go in order to maintain the peace. It sucks when she dresses him up in cruddy clothes on transition days, she has sent him in a few nasty garments - if it's really bad I send it to the donate pile, if it's not too bad I will occasionally send it back, usually in a bag but occasionally on him depending on the activities he has that day. I rarely send over the really nice clothes I have for him since I usually never see those again. and I know she has a lot of good clothes for him that she keeps closely. I just bought him a nice, and expensive rainjacket, he keeps that is his backpack so it goes where he does. Conversely she usually buys really nice parkas for him so I'm not complaining. And it's just clothes.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

BTW - for those who exchange at school - i.e. Dad picks up kid Friday after school and drops off at school Monday... The front office let us leave her bag there both daycare, elementary and middle school. The last couple years she carries it with her during the day from class to class even though I paid for a locker - it's up to her now in high school. But it's a nice secure way to make sure stuff isn't bothered with. 

I started doing that when other kids would get into her bag, usually because she took a favorite Barbie doll with her and the kids would open her bag and get them out. Putting the bag in the office stopped that. They only asked that her bag had a luggage tag on it for easy identification.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> BTW - for those who exchange at school - i.e. Dad picks up kid Friday after school and drops off at school Monday... The front office let us leave her bag there both daycare, elementary and middle school.


Yep, along with the line of car seats that's usually there as well, for those who can't afford 2 or more for additional regular care-givers.

I have had trouble once or twice with my son's thyroid RX, the insurance companies restrict how often you can get refills, and it's not good to keep a supply in backup unless you rotate it as it can be worse than none at all (thinking it's okay to take but is expired/gone bad from sun, extreme temps, etc. or change in dose even...)

Now they want you to have 5 days or even less before you can get a refill. So if parents live 80 miles away and RX is forgetting, everyone gets to drive 40 miles INCLUDING THE KID WHO HATES BEING IN THE CARE BUT HAS FORGOTTEN HIS MEDS WHEN PACKING because it is agreed we all forgot and the double-triple-quaduple check did not work. (sister included, it's a family obligation to make sure Mr. Jr. forgetful takes his thyroid med because if he doesn't he gets even more forgetful :rofl: )

The RX is the only thing we really worry about...clothes homework, whatever no longer an issue. Kids are too old now to have that love object, which by the way had a phone number written on it in permanent laundry marker (if found call..... asap!)


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Our kids have two complete homes, we are a two household family. The only things that are not duplicated are Ipads, phones and some sports gear which they carry with them anyway no matter which home they are going to.

If the kids need something we get it for them, doesn't matter if they have 10 pairs of socks that were from my house that have ended up at their dad's, I will get them more if they run out at my house and visa versa. They have complete bedrooms, clothes, toiletries etc at both homes.

The last thing I want is for my kids to have to carry bags of clothes around with them as a constant reminder that they are shuffling from one house to another. They have two homes, they have two places where they have everything they need.

I often end up with stuff from the ex's place and he ends up with stuff from mine, we wash it and return items when we catch up. Socks and plastic food containers are always being swapped back but it is no big deal, in fact we laugh about all the unmatching socks we end up with and have a matching up session occasionally. 

Ex and I loan/borrow things from each other when needed, tools etc. We can take the kids to each others houses to get whatever is needed even if the other parent is not home. I would hate for my kids to have to live in a state of stress over which home their clothes or things are at.

I know we are not the norm but I sure am greatful to have a fully functioning, amicable life with the ex. Our kids are happier for it and as settled as they can be.


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

If your ex sends and controls clothes they are VISITING you and LIVING with her.

I refuse all clothes except for uniforms, things like that.

She took all the clothes and I'd bought most of them but I refuse to have her run everything or make my house a hotel.


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