# Not enjoying sex like I used to... Is this a phase?



## lostlindsey (Jan 6, 2012)

I love my husband. I like my husband. He can still turn me on, make me have an orgasm. It just seems like I feel less enthusiastic about it lately. I'm a mom to four boys so I'm sure this is normal, but when I think about sex in general, I still get as excited as I used to. But at the same time when the vibe turns sexual with my husband, there is a moment, and I say this guiltily, when I'm like really! again! He has put on weight and I can't help but think that I'm shallow because it does bother me. However he's put on weight and lost it in the past and I never felt this way before. It's almost like I'm afraid I'm getting sick of him or something. This scares me! I love my family life! Someone please just tell me this is a phase!


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## lostlindsey (Jan 6, 2012)

Lila said:


> Firstly, Kudos to you for keeping up with four boys! :smthumbup:
> 
> Now as to your problem....I don't think it's uncommon to feel the way you are feeling about your husband. Physical attraction is one of the key ingredients in sexual attraction. Sometimes, we can overlook it if there's a good personal connection. Aside from the weight issue, are you and your husband having any other problems?
> 
> You also mentioned that he's managed to lose the weight before. What prompted him to lose the weight before? Have you tried talking to him about it, especially the effects on health?


I have tried. It works for a few days then he's back I being unhealthy. Already had ten in of his colon removed from a dietary disease. I'm 31 he's 37. I'm 110 lbs he's 240. But what I'm worried about is the fact that it bothers me more this time. I'm actually disgusted. And I promise I love this man. Don't know why this is happening. I don't want to feel this way. I just do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

You need to sit him down, then tell him his lack of taking care of himself is causing you to lose your attraction to him.

It will not be easy. It will hurt him. But it will hurt much less than you rejecting him because you can't stand his touch or intimacy.

Make sure you reassure him; tell him the things you love about him. But you need to tell him the problem.


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## lostlindsey (Jan 6, 2012)

farsidejunky said:


> You need to sit him down, then tell him his lack of taking care of himself is causing you to lose your attraction to him.
> 
> It will not be easy. It will hurt him. But it will hurt much less than you rejecting him because you can't stand his touch or intimacy.
> 
> Make sure you reassure him; tell him the things you love about him. But you need to tell him the problem.


I have done this. More than once. I even got mean about it and I don't feel bad about that. I have never denied him. It may take me longer to get in the mood but I love him and I do eventually "get there". I just feel like I'm never gonna be how I was. I don't know that it's his fault. It could very well be mine. I just know its not like it used to be and I hate that. I don't know what's going on. I almost feel like he's not putting any effort forth to his body or our sex life because even tho he initiates some of the time I do the work most of the time. And I need some effort.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

lostlindsey said:


> I have done this. More than once. I even got mean about it and I don't feel bad about that. I have never denied him. It may take me longer to get in the mood but I love him and I do eventually "get there". I just feel like I'm never gonna be how I was. I don't know that it's his fault. It could very well be mine. I just know its not like it used to be and I hate that. I don't know what's going on. I *almost feel like he's not putting any effort forth to his body or our sex life because even tho he initiates some of the time I do the work most of the time. And I need some effort.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well there ya go!

That ugly b!tch *resentment* is slowly taking over your positive feelings toward your husband.

Think back to when you two were dating, what was the sex like then? Wild and crazy times? He put in a lot more effort then didn't he?

Talk with your husband about things going stale in the bedroom. Be gentle and subtle at first. "Sex just isn't what it used to be, I feel like we're getting stale... Do you feel that too sometimes?" If he says no, then keep going with how you feel and be honest! You miss him putting effort into seducing you. You want that again.

If you're lucky, this will prompt some renewed vigor that will last because as things get better you're going to sing his praises with gratitude for returning to the stud you dated.

But more than likely, you'll experience a couple of good sex sessions with the stale ones peppered in, and slowly but surely, the stale ones will become the norm once again.

This is when you bring out the bull horn, figuratively speaking.

Ask him if he would remain madly attracted to you if you refused to take care of yourself? (I actually went so far as to stop doing my hair and make up and wore ugly old sweats all the time... Ooh now that's hot!)

Also, have you two made a list of places where you have had sex and places where you haven't, and places where you want a repeat? Sometimes you have to take sex OUT of the bedroom to return to exciting times again.

This is also a time to share fantasies, if you haven't already. Explore role play situations, don kinky costumes...Halloween is right around the corner. Can he be Conan the Barbarian and ravish the serving wench?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> (I actually went so far as to stop doing my hair and make up and wore ugly old sweats all the time...


Wait, that's not normal?


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

lostlindsey said:


> even tho he initiates some of the time I do the work most of the time. _Posted via Mobile Device_


This could be a big problem. If he only initiates some of the time, then he's probably got a lower drive than you.

Promising better sex or threatening less sex may not work. Chances are that he'll just accept less sex.

So if this is as big a problem for you as it seems to be (and there's no reason why it shouldn't be) then you're going to have to put at risk something that he *does* value. The marriage?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Wait, that's not normal?


Not normal if it's 24/7/365. That's just sloppy.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I would bet there are many couples who have been married 10+ years with 4 children who's sex life is today nothing like it was 8-9-10 years ago.

Life is tough....maintaining a good sexual relationship with your spouse takes time and effort. These days, wrongly, we have to spend more time working to keep the wolf from the door. By the time we get home we are so flaked out all we want is to chill...

Many of us should start going to the gym or go more often but there are only 24hours to the day. Trying to find a 'spare' hour to go to the gym can often be challenging...instead, take the stairs at work not the elevator etc.

As we get older we all change...whilst I am sure the OP is still very sexy she might not be (in her husbands eyes) as sexy as she was when they first met. Clearly he isn't to her...

I'm not trying to make excuses for anyone. I'm 49, and whilst I'm certainly not a geriatric there are things that I find more difficult to do now than I did 10 years ago!

If I were in a sexually happy marriage (which I'm not - its sexless) there is no way I could 'perform' now as I could 20 years ago!

We all have to make allowances. However if the OP is having real problems relating to her husband, talk to him....remembering that she might not be the 'girl' she once was either!


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