# Does the saga never end?



## Sadara (Jul 27, 2010)

Back at the end of July I found out about my husband's affair. Though I have always strongly believed he had sex with her, I could never find any proof of it. My gut has been screaming at me that he's had sex with her. I trust my gut. Well, we've been riding the emotional roller coaster for the last few months. It's been slowing down a bit. Today I was feeling a little bit down so I thought I would read the cards that my husband keeps. They are from birthdays, valentines day, anniversaries, etc. I was hoping to cheer myself up. But, instead, I found condoms. I was able to use the expiration information on them and learned when they were manufactured. They were made at the end of 2009. My tubes were tied when I had our son back in 2005. We've not needed condoms since then. The condoms are not from a full box. There are three each of two different kinds of condoms. I am more confident than ever that my husband had sex with the other woman.

I think at this point the thing that keeps me from being able to move on is that I feel he still hasn't told me the full truth. I keep feeling betrayed over and over as I find out more truths. I wish all the cards could have been laid out when I found out about the affair. I'm tired of feeling knocked down every time I find out something he lied to me about.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Sorry to hear of your pain. 
Seems like this is the typical pattern of "the cheater". Truthfulness and honesty are contradictions when describing a cheater and expecting anything other than lies is ridiculous!
My wife "trickle truthed" me. It has significantly delayed our healing process. Now I can't help but think "what other lies are there?"
I think it's safe to assume he had sex with her multiple times. Why wouldn't he? Cheating is cheating, so if you are going to cheat, why stop at Scrabble?
It's time to get into counselling and find a safe way to communicate. You can't rebuild your marriage unless you can make it safe for communication. Good luck.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I don't understand why you need to find out the whole truth before leaving. You will never get the full story it out of him even if you had picture. Cheaters lie lie lie. You are married to a deceitful serial cheater the worst kind. They do not stop cheating so if you stay, be prepared for a new drama every couple of years until he can't get it up anymore. Then he will come home to you and you can be his nursemaid until he dies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sadara (Jul 27, 2010)

Workingitout, thanks for the reply. At least I know this pattern is normal. I don't know that it makes it easier to deal with, but at least I know it's a pattern. I think I need to stop being surprised when I find out something new he's lied about.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Sadara, When my wife came back from rehab, she admitted to "kissing a guy" and that "he was probably a virgin." After several months of sleepless nights, I thought, what relevance does his virginity have to do with her kiss. I told myself stories that she gangbanged many guys at the rehab. I confronted her and she admitted to sexual contact with this "boy", half her age. It was dispicable but way better than the story I convinced myself of.
If you presume the worst, anything else will seem much better by comparison. Also, the endless movie loop in your head will have an ending if you create one. Makes it more tollerable until/if you hear the truth.
Also, go to the pharmacy or GNC and by SAM-E. Take a 400mg capsule thirty minutes before each meal. It is like a natural mood stabilizer and may help you stop obsessing. It's worked for me and there is a noticable difference when I forget a dose for a day. Goodluck.


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## Sadara (Jul 27, 2010)

I talked with him about the condoms last night and he had some lame excuse for having them. I was honest with him, not hateful mind you, and told him I simply didn't believe him. Which he got upset about. But, I know this, I have to be true to myself and be honest while still being respectful. I did tell him I wish he would just tell me the truth and as long as he continues to lie to me I feel as though I could never trust him fully again.

Part of me wonders why I even care if he actually slept with her. The email exchanges they had with each other, the 40 calls a day to each other was enough for me to realize that his emotional affair is what devastates me so much. I know it's going to take me a really long time to heal and move on. Though I know I will never forget.


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