# what to do...



## jenn123 (Sep 28, 2008)

My husband and I have been apart for a week now. It's been difficult for me this week. I really want to know how things are going for him. Would it be too pushy for me to call him? We have talked once since last Saturday but it was a very brief conversation because he was at work. He did say that he missed me though...that made me feel good.

We agreed that if he wanted to call he should and if he didn't then he shouldn't. We never really talked about what I should do though because this time is really for him to figure out what he wants. (I know I need to use this time to figure out if this is still what I want too) If my calling him is going to push him away or prolong the separation then I don't want to do it. Any advice?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I guess it depends on the situation. How old are you two?

Do you have kids?

How long together? Married?

Why seperate?

draconis


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## jenn123 (Sep 28, 2008)

we are 25, married for a year and a half, together for 8 and a half, no kids.

you can read the whole story on my other thread in the coping with infedility section called "emotional affair please help".


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/2428-emotional-affair-please-help.html

I will respond to this tonight.

draconis


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Consider this:



> He says that whatever happens is what's supposed to happen and I believe that too but at the same time I'm afraid of what will happen if I let him see what things could be like with this other girl. He insists that he won't do anything physical while still married but I just can't wrap my head around him even going out on dates with someone else while he's still married....although he's been doing that without my knowledge anyway.


This is an emotional affair. An emotional affair takes away time, energy and love from relationship A for relationship B. He starved your relationship for his own greed. He wants to keep you to keep his house



> I try to tell him that the way our relationship is right now, and has been recently, is not how it could be


You are absolutely right and until he makes the choice to be with you and gets the other girl out of the picture things will go right back to where they were.



> I don't think he'll agree to counseling until he agrees to work on our marriage and cut off communication with her


this is a huge red flag. He doesn't want to work on the relationship. Maybe he thinks he will always have you. Maybe he wants to set himself up with all the choices so he wins either way. I see him in selfish mode. This would be a make it or break it thing. You either work on the marriage or in a short time you will find you do not have one. Period.



> I have faith that our relationship is meant to be and that he will come back to me.
> 
> 
> > But is sounds like you have already made your decision. So wait it out. But in doing so start to work on yourself. Get friends, a hobby, exorcise, go out more. Men like strong, confident women. It will also give you the backbone, spirit and willpower to handle anything that can be handed to you.
> ...


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## jenn123 (Sep 28, 2008)

My husband has been texting me today and he told me that a friend of his family passed away unexpectedly. He told me that he's going to call me tonight to tell me the whole story but that he's going out so he'll call later. Is it wrong of me to be sad that he's going out? I'm worried that he's hanging out with his coworker.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

jenn123 said:


> Is it wrong of me to be sad that he's going out?


Ahhhh no i dont think its wrong that you are sad. Let yourself cry about it, and then ask yourself what you can do for yourself to feel better.


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