# I Am Alone



## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

To those that have read my posts thank you. Some know more about me than others on this forum and I will keep it that way.

Tonight I need to vent. Today might have been the hardest day of my life. I hleped my w move out. She is calling it a break. At least that is what she tells me that she is telling other people.

Don't tell me to work on myself, I am. I just need to get things off my chest so to speak. I'm not perfect, and I never claimed to be, I'm just human with all the imperfections that make me so. 

I don't know if I have anything left to give her. She is living in a fantasy world and I don't know why. She thinks that everything always works out so why live for tomorrow, but live for today. I understand that philosophy but when you have a child you must sacrifice for them.

I'm not some super guy, but I know that a person that gets married to someone and says that they will be there through thick and thin must be there. I've dropped the ball on many fronts, but I was trying to be "the man".

I started a business which was going well but has become tough due to the economy. Instead of letting her know I tried to insulate her from it. I'm a person who has high expectations abot myself and when things weren't goint according to plan, I wanted to shield her from that. I was afraid she would leave me. I didn't think my best would be enough for her.

The thing is, she came from a tough upbringing and her philosophy would normally be we will find a way. But I guess I spoiled her too much, I don't know.

When I met her I was this confident lawyer who could handle anything. And that is what attracted her to me I'm sure. But we were working for a company that entered bankruptcy and came out and then an A22hole whom I will not mention put the company on a one way ticket to destruction. He left and made his millions elsewhere (think powerball lottery winnings).

Those of us left had to deal with reality, I was part of a small group that fired 14,000 people and liquadated a company. Oh yes I made some money but I can't get that out of my mind, the families that were destroyed. People that gave their entire liives to a company. 

That is why I started my own company, to do what I wanted to do. But it is scary when you do that and when things got ugly, I tried to insuale my w and son from it. At times it made me physically ill. I didn't think that my best would be good enough for her and for him and that she would leave me.

Funny how what you try to avoid comes true when that is what you are trying to avoid. 

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, I'm just venting. I know I should have been honest with her but I didn't want to be less of a "man". 

Now I am here, all alone. Please don't follow in my footsteps. It is better to have loved than to not have tried. It hurts, but that is life.

Again thanks to all who have posted responses or suggestions. Thank you.


----------



## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Sounds like you have been through the ringer. Am sorry you have had such a difficult road. You sound like you truly understand what has transpired and I admire your candor.

I don't know if you are a praying man, but I am a praying woman, and I will say a prayer for you and your life, that it will turn toward the better and things work well for you in the future.

Remember: hardships are often blessings in disguise.

Hugs and ray:ray:ray: for you today and always.


----------



## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Hi FA,

You should tell her all of that... 

Take care,

S


----------



## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Print it out and read it to her.

I'll pray for you too.

S


----------



## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Sandy,

Thanks for the prayers. I haven't been through the ringer as much as others. I was just down last night and really needed to just get it off my chest. Sometimes that is the most therapeutic thing to do.

As I said no sympathy for me. It is what it is and I agree that hardships do become blessings in disguise. I'm trying to be a glass is half full person where I used to be a glass is half empty.

I will retract one thing I wrote last night. I do have more to give her -- a better me. Like I wrote last night I am working on that. 

These boards and counseling certainly have helped me. I know she isn't gone for good -- actually things improved over the last week -- we actually are starting to communicate and talk.

Again, thank you for the prayers.


----------



## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

S,

Good morning and thanks for your prayers as well. Like I said to Sandy I just needed to vent.

I don't want people thinking my road was so difficult. By contrast with most others it hasn't been that bad. I've got my health, and the business is doing better. 

I'm trying to become myself again - whomever that is at this point in my life. 

E


----------



## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

It sounds like you are learning from your mistakes, so that's very good. I write a lot when I feel lonely, and it is somewhat therapeutic. Good luck.


----------



## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Thank you Sensitive. And you are right, I 've learned from my mistakes. I understand now what I was doing and why and am trying to correct those things about me.


----------



## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I understand feelinglone! We all have learned some tough lessons. 

My husband is leaving tomorrow morning. For the past few weeks, I've been doing the Tough Love approach by Dr. Dobson (book). Anyhow, I figure it is worth a try. Sort of a one-last-try thing. I've seen subtle changes in his attitude. 

Now, there is truly change coming upon us! Something is going to happen in our relationships. I am hoping for the better. I am not sure what my husband is looking for...he doesn't either. I suppose it's the elusive-----happiness! 

I am sad,disappointed and angry. My youngest is 15 and I HATE for her to have "divorced" parents. She always felt lucky to have married parents, unlike her friends.

Keep posting. I know it makes me feel better.


----------



## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Thanks C, last night was tough. I even helped her move some of her stuff. She isn't taking much - ergo the "break" and not seperation in her mind. But it tears at you.

I understand about your daughter. My son is 6. When the topic came up over the weekend in front of him the first words out of his mouth were "Is this a divorce". It makes me so sad. I only saw him for 35 minutes today. I just had fun with him.

Well off to play some pick-up soccer. Or at least I'm going to try - might have broke a toe playing sand volleyball Tuesday. Just can't be here pouting all alone. Got to keep moving. 

Be back later to check in with everyone.


----------



## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Whew! This is tough. My husband left and I sit here with an empty closet. He wanted me out of the house while he was moving his stuff. I agreed. 

My daughter is out of town for a week. I am now left alone. Alone in the family home. 

Was your wife upset when she left? What was her reaction?


----------



## ls878 (Jul 2, 2009)

Omg, we're all in the same boat right now as far as timing. my husband moved out a week ago. i was not there when he did. my son and i went to see grandpa for the rest of the evening. it was good for my soul that day. now, the house is really lonely at night; especially when my son goes down. i've cried every night with the exception of last night. my childhood friend came over to stay and have a girl night with me. i felt like a 6th grader having a slumber party again. it was nice and felt great to have my mind elsewhere. unfortunately that can't happen every night. i'm supposed to skype with my H tonight so he can see and say hi to our son.


----------



## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

C, if you mean by crying or anything like that for being upset the answer is no she wasn't. I think her mind was on the logistics and getting it done.

Like I said, I helped move the stuff she did take. During the move, she snuck up behind me and gave me a hug which I returned. Things like that just confuse the heck out of me.

Ya know the counselor said something interesting at our session today. She said it is always harder on the one remaining behind because (1) you feel left, and (2) you are in the place with memories and (3) for me I didn't get to see my son as often. I think she wanted to let my wife know that she was having it easier.

As I said before it is the only way for my w to heal. I just so scared that although I am changing and working on my issues that when all is said and done she will decide that it doesn't matter.

I just hold on to positives as best I can. I'll be checking in C so pm me if you need to.

Is878,

Hang in there. It's tough but we will al get through it somehow.


----------



## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

FeelingAlone,

I got the mixed messages as well. The tight hugs/kiss on neck/etc. last night and this morning before I left. He was exhausted from not sleeping. I am sympathetic but in my mind I am thinking "hey buddy this is YOUR choice." 

Because I am doing the no contact bit...I am going through withdrawal of not contacting him. I think it's a bit funny since he is usually the one contacting me a few times a day. However, since I KNOW I shouldn't contact him...I am going through withdrawal.

Your counselor is right. I believe it may be harder. If this separation doesn't work out and he still decides that divorce is his way out, then he's moving back in. I will be the one to leave with our daughter. When divorce was my husbands only option, I told him that I would move out for precisely the reasons that your counselor mentioned. 

I will know in 1 month where he stands. We agree to meet and discuss the separation, whether we continue, move on, or reunite. 

In my opinion, this is a step forward. The relationship is bound to change (one way or another). I don't think I can live another year under the previous conditions of not knowing/LIMBO.

We will make it. I sure pray alot!!


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hang in there Feelingalone! I will be praying for you and your family as well. In many ways I can feel what you are going thru. The money and social status changes really do impact a marriage.


----------



## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

C,

Is the book Tough Love worth reading. It sure seems like it for you. But my wife hasn't said divorce once during this time or previously. Only that she needs some space.

Sometimes I wonder if she isn't going through her mid life crisis. The I just want some "fun". 

We went from hot dating and definitely in love to married and parents in a relatively short period. We both became "super" parents to our child. I realize now that was wrong because we both forgot about being married and that is the most important.

Just rambling.

Thanks Aug.


----------



## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Feelingalone:

Yes, the Tough Love book is worth reading. It's not a difficult read and common sense. It touches on many couples in which affairs (physical/emotional) have played a role in the demise of the marriage. However, it also touches on marriages that the spouse is being disrespected in other ways. The library may even have a copy. 

For me, it was about my husband wanting a divorce and not acting on it for months....yet, disconnecting emotionally from me. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was behaving distant, negative, and angry. I tried everything (you can imagine). We tried marriage counseling, which turned into divorce counseling.
The books ideas have allowed me to quit convincing, begging, pleading, initiating, etc. At this point, they are feeling "trapped" and when you say...."I don't agree with you, but I respect your wishes" they start thinking differently. Instead of fighting their way out of the cage, they go to thinking "do I really want to go." It is a process and takes time and consistency on your part. 

I also imagine that my husbands behavior is linked to a mid life crisis or depression. In fact, he mentioned wanting to have "fun." Whatever it is....our marriage wasn't bad. He is just looking for the negatives in it and finding them. We all have them right? Of course we do!! This is a marriage that can be repaired with two people participating.

FA: I know what you mean realizing what went wrong. EVERYONE makes mistakes in marriages. We all say and do things that are hurtful. We are human. We all play a role in the demise of a marriage, even the perceived victim (one being left).

Keep your chin up. Keep busy and focus on being a happy dad! Show your wife how much fun you are having. You might even be a little busy to take all of her calls. You might have "plans" one night. Don't go into alot of details with your "plans." This is what I am doing. It makes him wonder....


----------



## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

I'm trying to do all those things C. It is just hard when you are the one working for the most part. We will see.

But chin's up and just trying to do things. Next weekend I'm taking my son to go visit his favorite cousin, little Sammy.


----------

