# Marriage and the BIG O



## NewNew (Jul 18, 2009)

I dont know where to start..............This hasnt been a very good day at all............But the most of my anger/frustration stems from something I cannot help and have no clue what to do about. I dont even wanna post this but I dont know who I could talk to about this. I mean it is MAJOR My husband and I have an interesting sex life. I love him to pieces and I feel like I am totally blessed to have him as I dont have the problems that most women have. He's a great husband BUT we are soooooo different sexually. You know its serious if during one session of sex you actually call out to god in your mind because you've prayed countless times for god to help and it and nothing has changed. I know its not my husband fault as he cannot help how he was built but I am having a tough time getting passed it.
Today we did it and I was close to tears and I am sooooooooooo not the cryer. I dont cry ever really so for me to get the feeling to cry is pretty serious. He can't last very long, ranges from 3 minutes to an hour being the longest. I just dont get it. I have prayed and done everything else to incorporating toys, which is ok with him but he doesn't like to use it everytime and it makes him feel bad about himself. I got married because I love my husband and yes we had sex before we married but I thought that the longer that I've been with him that my body would just mold to him but it hasnt. Ive also heard that when you have only been with one man for a long time that it gets so much better and that married sex is better, but that was such a lie. I feel so bad to feel this way but I dont know what to do. I even asked god to take away my want for enjoyment out of sex. Sometimes its great but the bad far outweighs the good most times. I will never never cheat on him, because I love him and I dont want to sleep with anyone but him but I dont know how to just ignore the fact that I know what, a great orgasm feels like!!!!!! Now my husband has given me great ones but not that often. I always reassure him and tell him that I dont mind it and I love him but today I just shattered. I was in such a bad mood that I couldnt say much to him. Im soooooo sad and heartbroken. I had sex out of marriage for soooo many years and I finally did it the way god says is right but I feel like I'm being punished for doing right. I mean I really really love my husband and I dont want noone but him, but I dont know what to do. Today he came first and said that he would get me later and I reshowered/shaved and everything and he didnt. I pray that god takes the enjoyment part of sex away from me and I just forget what good sex feels like so I dont be upset and I dont upset my husband. Sometimes my husband makes sure im satisfied cause he comes early but alot of times he doesnt. He just says we'll do it later and we never do. Im just at a major loss and I feel cheated. I wish I was a nun who didnt care about sex. GOD please take my sex drive away. I forgot to include that I have cycle issues so we dont get to have sex very often and then when we do, it ends so sadly. And one could say well maybe when you do it more, he'll last longer but NOOO. When we do it more often the same thing happens. it will range from 3-5 minutes, maybe ten. We have even tried letting him cum once and then going again but 98% of the time he doesnt want to do it again or cant???? I just dont know what to do. Has anyone gone through this????? Does anyone have any solutions?????????? For Clarification of this post I am not mad at him. I am just really really sad. I dont know how to fix this!!!!!! AND I am not saying my husband is perfect as noone is, we DO have normal issues but this is one of the biggest. and NO my hubby isnt stressed and money isnt a problem and I know he's attracted to me. He tells me CONSTANTLY how much he loves me. Someone please help


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Have you tried talking to him? I know he tells you he loves you...and I'm sure he does! But he needs to learn and understand how to "make love" to you so that YOU are satisfied! 

I understand he finishes quickly...there may be a medical problem. Or it just may be the way he is. 

Oddly enough, try one of the C L V pills. In my case, it delayed my release. And my xgf thought it was her failing that she couldn't get me off. 

Do NOT got for the desensitizing things--it will desensitize you, too!


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

Ok well, I have to say..if he lasts anywhere from 3 minutes to an hour...thats kind of a long range. An hour is well longer then "average". Certainly, having more sex more often can have an effect on how long someone can last.

But of he's giving you an hour...you gotta be able to figure it out in that amount of time. Or maybe introduce some foreplay and enjoy that for a while.



John


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Funny ... I used to pray to lose interest in sex when I was with a man ( before I was married to my husband) because the sex was sooooo good, as it was the only thing he really offered. I had to let him go and missed the sex, but found my husband was a good sex partner too.
Far as your problems, it seems you have tried everything and all I can say is maybe keep working on having him go a second round. An hour seems like a long enough time for me and if you could get him to do that, that would be longer than most men go.
Other than that, if you want sex constantly, maybe you should see a doctor about it ( nyphomania) as there are certainly drugs out there to decrease your sex drive ( most anti depressants).


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

In one section you said: "3 minutes to an hour" 

And another you said "3-5 minutes, maybe 10"


3 minutes is on the short side. 10 minutes, while most men and women want longer, is very typical performance. If it was 3 minutes most of the time, then it's an issue. If it's up in the 10 minute range quite often, and getting up to an hour... then you might need to look at yourself a little bit there.

So what is actually the issue... is it that he can't make your orgasm? Is it just not good overall? I may have missed it, but I didn't see that part in there. 

You also mentioned the "way he is built"... are you referring to his length of performance, or referring to his actual equipment itself?

Honestly, I've been working on trying to lengthen my performance time as well. It's a part of some performance anxiety issues that I have suffered with. 

I'm going to sound like Mark Twain here..... (and he'll probably be here shortly to tell you about "Semen Retention"

Does he masturbate? I assume he does every once in a while since you said that you can go lengths in between sex. But I found this in an article. Some men have issues with the length of there performance because their entire lives while masturbating, they would try to "finish" as quick as possible... Why???? The fear of getting caught obviously. And with many (not all) this has carried over into the bedroom. So maybe by telling him to slow down, and make it last as long as possible when he is "alone", it might help him last longer with you.

If you want, google "Premature Ejaculation" or "Premature Ejaculation techniques" and there will be some various things there to help. Things to do while having sex, when masturbating, pills, etc. etc. etc.


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

The way I see it, BOTH of you are at fault. You for failing to communicate this:

---Now my husband has given me great ones but not that often.---

and him for this:

---He just says we'll do it later and we never do.---

It sounds to me like the situation is FARRRRR from hopeless. You said several times he HAS given you good ones before. To me, that means he is capable of doing so.

So consider this: the times that were great, what MADE them great? Was it him lasting longer? Was it him pushing the right buttons? Was it your mood? If you can isolate what was good about it, you can duplicate it.

I also want to know whether "way he was built" refers to time, or just length of his equipment. If the former, that is easy to fix. If the latter... way to make every guy who doesn't have an 8+" member that is as thick as an english cucumber quake in his boots.

This post also digs up a fear that a lot of guys have. You say you constantly reassure him, but you are doing WAYYY more DAMAGE than GOOD. Many guys wonder whether their women are lying to them about sex, and posts like this make it worse.

Keep in mind that "telling him" does NOT have to mean being blunt and cruel. There are lots of positive ways to guide him. Put his hands where you want them. Tell him it was really really hot when he did <thing>. Tell him you read about something in cosmo and want to try it. Frame it in a positive manner and he'll be very motivated to try.

If its just him cumming too quickly, get some climax control condoms or have him practice kegel exercises and semen retention. Seriously, that can be helped.

I always take care of my partner first since I have a similar issue. She always seems to be happy with that arrangement. God I hope she isn't lying.


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

Rule number one in life. Ask for what you want. Ask for how you want it. Most men will be happy to oblige. If your not asking for exactly what ya want, men are not mind readers, you cant blame him for not knowing. Hell we cant read directions half the time...much less minds.




John


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

NothingMan said:


> Rule number one in life. Ask for what you want. Ask for how you want it. Most men will be happy to oblige. If your not asking for exactly what ya want, men are not mind readers, you cant blame him for not knowing. Hell we cant read directions half the time...much less minds.
> John


Am sorry John but I have this VISION of a man down between my legs with a _list of instructions_......:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Diddle for five minutes until "it" boils, strain, and add two teaspoons of butter....toss lightly till it comes....


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

youd have to explain the food part, But the rest of it I understand 

All kidding aside though, it will work. I promise. There is nothing a husband/boyfriend/SO wants more then for you to consider them "The best they ever had" and if direct instruction brings us closer to it, then please, by all means...instruct.


John


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Recipe....that was what popped into my mind, J.

Yes, I agree, men certainly are good at taking instructions....they are enthusiastic and willing to work at it. 

All men (well 98% of the _hundreds_:rofl:) I've ever been with have been very good at wanting to please, that is for SURE!


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