# Damn, I blew the 180 today



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

I don't know what made me so sad, but driving home today I started crying because I was thinking about how I miss m lil family. I could not stop, as I got home in the confines of my condo...I really hung it all out there. But the thought kept coming to me you need closure, you have got to save yourself. So stupidly I called and let two messages (continuation) and I just purged it all. From the manner in which he left me to the probability that he is with someone new, and everything in between. I have since stopped crying, but I feel terrible and powerless. I hope there is a 12 step program for us who fall of the ban wagon;o( He is too cowardly and will not call me back. I will never get a response, because it is easier for him to just not deal with anything that requires communication. When does my forever start for real:scratchhead:


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I totally blew it, too. You are so not alone on this one.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Geez, i dont know if i totally agree with the 180. I mean, if u dont communicate, nothing happens. Sometimes, IMHO, its better to do some of the 180 and not go 100% on it. I mean, do work on yourself, but let yourself be free of so much pain. Just talk it out and demonstrate to the SO that you are moving on with or without them. Put the ball back in their court. If they chose to leave good for them, wish them the best. Just show that u are moving on as a new person with or without them. I say text and talk just whatever you do dont grovel and beg, that usually has a negative effect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rebootingnow (May 3, 2011)

Yes. Sometimes one step forward. Two steps back. 

It is frustrating not hearing anything from the spouse. I know generally why, but still I have lots of questions and would love to give her a piece of my mind.... 

But focusing on me is does make it easier. 

Hany in there.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

@Staircase, Brighterlight and Rebootingnow,thanks for coming to let me know I am not alone ;o) This is just terrible ;o(


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

hesnothappy, so sorry to hear that you are frustrated with your situation. I have been avoiding contact as I think right now we need some space, and it gives me more peace. I too have unanswered questions, and hate that feeling. thisstops me from communicating in a normal way, so I avoid it. Reading your posts has reinforced my rsolve to leave things for a bit until I feel in a more stable place emotionally. I have been separated before, so know how it feels to be you with what you have done. there are lots of people on here who have also done it, and i may be a casualty myself soon!? There is no right or wrong in this horrible process. You go from day to day, and it does gradually get a bit easier. Take care!


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

We all slide at times, so don't be too hard on yourself. Emotions get the best of us sometimes.

It is very much a 2 steps forward, 3 steps back type of situation at times. What is most important is that you keep moving.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

totally there with you..have blown the nc a few times..it does get better and on a day i feel i want to contact h i usually come here and read posts, post myself or i type down my thoughts...that has helped alot..but i still have my week moments..it is hard and sometime difficult to focus on "yourself" when you want to engage in converstion with the person who was your "other half"...

h doesnt want to talk about us or the situation and when he does make contact it is usually small talk..i broke nc the other day when i found out my dad was admitted to the hospital and then found myself mad when h did not seem to show any real concern when i talked to him about it...so i stoped contact and he called last night to see what was going on with my dad and asked for updates...so when i do hear how his surgery went i will only allow myself to text him the info...then he ball will be in his court to call or not to call

this site has been very helpful..almost like a form of therepy


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

hesnothappy said:


> @Staircase, Brighterlight and Rebootingnow,thanks for coming to let me know I am not alone ;o) This is just terrible ;o(


That's what we're all here for, right 

I need surgery and I reached out to soon to be ex for some solace. What a dumb mistake that was. He was sympathetic, but not like husband worried. I felt so much worse after I did that!


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

I feel so out of control. I know that this is just part of the process, but it seems to be taking so long to dry up ;o( At least he knows that I think he is a cowardly azz man for how he handled things and some other stuff too. I have another appointment with the therapist today, so I get a release, but I hope I don't cry to whole session. The crying is getting so old. I can't seem to control it.


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

I am so in the same boat. I do take the advice here and post instead of contacting my spouse, it does help calm the nerves somewhat.

I hope things get better for us all.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

We are strong, it will get better!


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

From your lips to God's ears. I am a person who operates best when I am in control. In my mind, I know that I am better off without him and all of quirks about him I don't agree with, but my heart won't let go. In my mind I would not take him back regardless of what he said (and he obviously doesn't want to come back) but in my heart I see us being together in a good way. I typed out a list of things that I don't like about my husband and I try to read it each morning as a reminder to be strong and let things work out as they are supposed to....yesterday I could not find my list ;o(


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

My situation is a bit different as my H keeps in touch and says he misses talking to me. He wants to be able to talk. I am trying as much as I can to let him guide the contact. So hard when the person you most want, is the one who least wants you


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

staircase said:


> That's what we're all here for, right
> 
> I need surgery and I reached out to soon to be ex for some solace. What a dumb mistake that was. He was sympathetic, but not like husband worried. I felt so much worse after I did that!


Stair, I know. We are still living under the same roof, different bedrooms. I know exactly what you mean. I get a "hello", "yes", "that is good", a "can you do this" from her but more in a friend sort of way, not a wife caring intonation or inflexion in her voice. It's like matter of fact and you can cut the tension with a knife. Oh my God, 36 years and this person I am looking at is a stranger. How in the world is that possible?!!!! I have far too much love for her; my heart aches so bad that I feel my chest wanting to collapse. As long as I feel this way, I can not move on; I just need to find the key to unlock my heart and let things go.


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

Let me know when you figure out that key. I am in exactly the same boat -33 years - not living together thank god but no contact by him either to reach out to me. I know there is another woman but still, I was your wife for 33 years and I get nothing, no closure, he just left and ran, disappeared.

I am trying to move on but it is so darn hard. I had to send me an email today regarding finances, I was all business, I said not one word about anything, I would like a response from him, just even an acknowledgement but I got nothing. It hurts so bad to know they feel nothing.

Like I said when you get the key to unlock your heart, pass it around. I can feel your pain and everyone elses.

This forum has been great and a life saver for me. As someone else has said, this is my therapy and it is so much cheaper and available 24/7 which is the good part.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Clinging, I will, if I ever find the key - there has to be a secret to letting go. Lot's of reading material on that but putting into actual practice - I don't know.

It's odd how sometimes I feel like this is giving me my freedom and I feel fine and able to function almost as if I have new life, but when this sad sinking feeling hits me, it takes me so low and I can't climb out of it for a day or two. And this weekend memorial holiday, I'm don't know what I supposed to do with myslelf.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

sadand said:


> My situation is a bit different as my H keeps in touch and says he misses talking to me. He wants to be able to talk.


I HATE THAT! I am in the same position actually.

_Really? You can't find someone else who understands and tolerates your crazy and self-righteous rants? SHOCKING!!_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Also someone is too lazy to do a change of address. I have been getting his mail here for the past year. I just had to dig up a stamp (NEVER use them, do everything online) to send him his insurance card. Who the hell doesn't update information on their health insurance after an entire year??


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Hmmmm, should you be doing that? I wonder. I would just stick it back in the mailbox marked wrong address or something. Return to sender, whatever. When his insurance expires, he'll get it, then he will call the insurance co. I dunno, just sayin'


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I get his credit card statements, too. At least I know he's not hiding anything since I get all his damn mail down to his traffic tickets.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

staircase said:


> I get his credit card statements, too. At least I know he's not hiding anything since I get all his damn mail down to his traffic tickets.


OK, I digress, keep the credit card statements coming. :rofl: No, really, I am just kidding. I guess for me it would depend on whether or not I was still financially tied to him, in my case, her. If I wasn't, I really don't care to see where they've been, what their spending their money on, whatever. It would just be another thing keeping me tied down in limbo. I know it's probably tempting to know. Maybe because your situation is different, you've been waiting to hear from him for a long time.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I don't give a crap, I know exactly where all his money goes: getting $35 delivery orders every night, $20+ lunches everyday and $25 parking. I rip them in half and throw them out without even looking.


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## rebootingnow (May 3, 2011)

I know I've been only doing the 180 only for little over a month. Not sure if its healthy but I try to take this loneliness or sadness and turn it into anger that compels me to do more for me. Especially when I'm at the gym.

I have to admit a couple weeks ago I wrote in pen on my left palm *FB* and on my right palm *180*. Between sets when I'd slow down or take a break I'd turn my palms up and say "FB" or "180 for me" under my breath and it got me fired up. Even the people on the circuit (not knowing my situation) commented on this new fire in the belly I had. Now I don't even write on my palms. I just look at the left and say "FB" and the right "180 for me.' 

So when now when I'm down. I try (Yes, its hard, and yes, I don't always succeed) to make a mental note to save that thought for the gym.

Again, not sure it's healthy but its allowed me to take these emotions that suck and move them to something that helps me in a more positive way.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Went to therapy this afternoon, my last one I think. I know the resolution to my situation, and I end upo telling her and she agrees. I just have to accept the fact that he is a first class AZZHOLE! But she did make an ascersion that he doesn't have the capacity to communicate and relate with real and honest feeling. He did it for as long as he could and then the legality of it all was smoothering to him and he was fighting for his life. He doesn't know why he did it himself, so there will be no magic answer coming from him. I just can not accept any blame for any of his issues and heal myself of the diappointment of a marriage that I (not him) really want dying so quickly. The Mofo did what he could and when he felt himself drowning survival instincts kicked in and being the cowardly lion, he to the easy way out. I feel better, hope it holds ;o)


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

HNH- why do you think this is your last therapy session? How long were you in therapy? Did you go weekly? Sorry for the 20 questions.

I fail at my 180's almost daily. I keep saying I am not going to contact my H, and if he contacts me, I am not going to answer. That flew out the window today when he contacted me to see how I was feeling. (I had surgery on Tuesday) of course I couldn't just answer "I'm ok" or not answer at all, I have to send a 3 page text dialogue of my feelings and surprise surprise! He doesn't respond.
I don't think I'll ever learn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

DG, I am just thinking that I have heard all she can say to me. This wasonly jy second time going to see her. I am processing it as I go and it is a daily thing. When I told her I thought I was OK, she said you are better than OK, it's just going to take day by day for you to health. I got it all in my head, just can't get my heart to cooperate. Well, anyone would understand you responding, considering your sensitive time ;o) You are like me, got things to say LOL


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

DelinquentGurl said:


> HNH- why do you think this is your last therapy session? How long were you in therapy? Did you go weekly? Sorry for the 20 questions.
> 
> I fail at my 180's almost daily. I keep saying I am not going to contact my H, and if he contacts me, I am not going to answer. That flew out the window today when he contacted me to see how I was feeling. (I had surgery on Tuesday) of course I couldn't just answer "I'm ok" or not answer at all, I have to send a 3 page text dialogue of my feelings and surprise surprise! He doesn't respond.
> I don't think I'll ever learn.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, you and me both sister.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Well, I guess I will go to the movies tonight. I got to get out of this house. Starting to feel....something, andit's not good.


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

my H came to the house to mow the lawn and do his laundry, he texted me to see if it was ok. I stayed in bed until about 2PM watching movies and just relaxing. Took a shower, gathered up my bike, etc and told him I wouldn't be back til later if he wanted to stay and watch tv or whatever. I said bye and left. I am doing everything I can to carry on with my life. Of course part of me hopes he will miss me when I am not around, but either way, I am taking care of myself. But last night I texted "I miss you". SO, I guess I am doing about 75% of 180


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Went to see Bridesmaid...too funny, had some delicious Korean food, and now I am back home and OK with everything that was in this day.


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

Had to break the NC rule at 2 this morning...called H to see if he would take me to the er...left h a message..20 minutes later he called...said the would come take me..picked me up..dropped me off and came and got me when i was released..did not want to have to call him...but i really needed help...glad the h stepped up to the plate to help...


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Chaffy, glad you are doing better. I don't think you broke the 180 rule ;o) I am just glad he was there for you ;o) Life (good and bad) does go on despite our personal issues. I would have broke it too LOLOL


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

thanks..i am glad i broke it too..really did not want to call for and ambulance..and reality he probably agreed to come because he has guilt of leaving me...but either way he did help so that is a good thing...

now time to recover...2 days bed rest..up to 2 weeks before i might feel like myself again


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

sadand said:


> my H came to the house to mow the lawn


WTF  how do you make this happen??


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

LOLOL @ staircase


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

First full-day of a 180. No contact at all even though he said he's doing a full-day tramp with his male friend. Would have loved to tag along but decided otherwise, maybe the mountains will blew sense to his head and realised how a fool he had been to leave me. 

Tomorrow is another day, I plan to blow off the 180.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Now, yourbabygirl...did you mean to write you don't plan on blowing it off or you are going to blow it off. LOLOLOL What is a full day of tramp? Let him see what he is missing, that is the premise of the 180...I think ;o) but in this crazy world we have been thrown in who knows what is the right thing to do??????????


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

^ Yup planning to blow off the 180 today. Last Friday he told me his new flat's kitchen is under construction and so he hasn't had a proper meal ever since he left. I offered to bring him lunch today (we work at the same place and when we were together we just leave our lunchbox on the refrigerator) and said that would be great.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Talked to soon to be ex yesterday and I have no idea why. A difficult situation came up on my side of the family which he would have made 100% worse. I was actually grateful I didn't have him around, but then I turn around and talk to him. BLAH why why why


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

covered for him again today with my family, pretended he was golfing when he didn't come to the family picnic. We need to get this ball rolling or back home


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## singleinjanuary (May 18, 2011)

stair and sad don't be so hard on yourselves! You are not a horrible person because you contacted them!!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

It's not that I feel horrible, I feel stupid. I would much rather be a horrible person than stupid.


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

and I am not sure about committing to the 180 thing. How do I stay connected to him, be sure he doesn't feel abandoned if I never contact him. I know he is behaving awfully patiently with me, I never know when I am gonna break down when we are together, cry and stuff, but he keeps coming over and meeting me at MC. I just don't know what the right thing to do is. If he really wanted this D, why doesn't he just go ahead and get it? He told me he goes to bed early and sleeps late, sounds depressed to me.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

^^^ if he wants a D why is he going to MC?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Sad. Why does still go to MC? Kind of odd. And while we are on the subject, i have a quick question. My stbxw said to call the mc and cancel all appointments that she wont be going anymore. So my question is, do i call the mc and tell her the marriage is over? Do i just never go back? I mean the last time saw the mc, the mc was left with the impression that we were doing great and well on our way to understanding each other! Yeah right! So I dont know what happened to my stbxw between the last session 7 weeks ago and her telling me about the D 5 weeks ago. So am i out of courtesy supposed to even call the mc's office?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

I would call if I was sure she wasn't going to go. Did she say why she wasn't going to go back and is she serious? Sadand, I don't think they really know what they want. 

I got an interesting email from my SIL yesterday that shed a lot of light on my H and his past. It helps explain a lot of his actions. I gave me a bit of relief knowing that I really did do all I knew to do to make the marriage work, it just in his capacity to love and forgive and move forward in life and leave the hurt and pain of yesterday behind him. I still love my husband, but I feel deep in my heart and spirit that this marriage is a wash....;o( Now I just got to make a new existence for me ;o)


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

HNH, I wish I could make all of the pain on this forum just go away for everyboby; this is such unchartered territory for all of us.

Yes, my W is dead serious about the D. It's a done deal. I have tried to throw the trial separation hint at her a few times but she doesn't want to go there. She is done; I think I have come to terms with that and can deal with it. I guess after 36 years, it would be ackward to think that you want to be separated from someone with a chance of reconciliaion; I mean, it is so painful to lose a lifetime of commitment that once you decide to go your separate way, you don't want to risk EVER going there again. I guess once is enough. We are already looking into divorce laws in our state and they seem to be pretty simple and straightforward in an uncontested case so I, like you, need to make a new existance for myslelf. To give you an idea about how fast she is moving on this: last night I finished filling out all the paperwork (and there was a lot of documents) to send to the realtor to put the house up for sale - she just emailed me half an hour ago that she finished faxing them all the realtor. Usually, she procrastinates on such matters to give it more thought but in this case she's like a speed train. In all fainess, we do have to get the house on the market while school is out for the summer since that is when sales are high.

I will miss her immensely. Everytime I spend time with my adult children, I will be reminded of what we had. I will try to look at that as a the gift God gave us and appreciate that I got to raise them and go and spend time with all of them before they began their own lives. So I have to be thankful for that.

It will take time for them to forgive though. My daughter is so sad and I can see she is dying inside. My two boys are angry, hurt, and seem to be getting more distant from us. All three are being standofish to their mother and it is killing me. What a life!


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

Brighter

I am so totally with you on how you are feeling about your wife, life and the future. I was married 31 years and am in the same situation. My H is with OW so complicates the situation even more.

We just had a new grandson and I was so looking to share that part of our life with him. I still want to tell him wha the baby did. I know he misses him too. My adult children feel the same way about their father as yours do about your wife. It is sad to see.

Just really feeling sad and weepy today. i would like to just reach out and hold him but can't do that. Can't show my weak side so I suffer inside.

I don't think I will ever be able to implement the NC rule, I just don't have it in me. I will try though as that is all I can do.


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

oh a grandchild, how special. I always hoped we would share that part of our life as well. I mean, I guess we will share it, just not together. My poor kids, if we are having this much trouble deciding when to call our SO, how will they decide when to call who? UGHHH, I can't stand this. Having trouble getting out of bed and getting the day started and it is already noon time here


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Yes, the granchild thing will be soooooooo hard as we always talked about taking them to disney land, trips....gulp! pause for a moment here while I catch my breath and hold back the tears, sorry. Anyway, I can't imagine how that is going to be for my loving wonderful children, to not see the grandparents together - one of them has already mentioned that. Wow, the whole family has been affected and i am sure my children are suffering and don't want me to see it. They have been so supportive of me. It isn't fair, it really isn't. This whole D creates such a new dimension of future family dynamics; I wonder if she thought about that before she dropped the nuke on the family - Grrrrrrrr!!!!!


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

I sent my H something I found about the impact of D, the ones no one thinks about, but I guess he is so comfortable in his place, can't consider the effect on others. Its not like he lived in hell, we have a great home, nice kids and family and friends. True, we needed to be better connected as a couple, but that takes 2, not just one. I am here, ready to work, not giving up yet.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

sad, hang in there. If there is hope for you, hang on to it. My W is all but physically gone from the house. I just have to move on, I don't have a choice. I really hope the best for you, hang in there.


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

thanks BL, he still hasn't told his family or co-workers, hasn't filed and is still coming to MC, but he says he is leaving. Going to see my oldest son tonight, see how he is doing. haven't seen or talked to him since we told the kids last week. At least he is texting and seems happy to see me tonight


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Sounds like you have a chance if he hasn't spilled the beans to his family yet. It was when we told our families (parents, sisters, brothers) that ball was set in motion and it is rolling downhill full steam ahead. We have not told our co-workers yet. It's like a runaway train once the word gets out. You said he has not told his family (besides the kids) what about you? Have you told everyone yet?


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

no, I have a sister and a good friend who know the whole story, but my sister told me yesterday that my mom asked about us, hasn't seen us together lately. Yikes. So that have to be done soon. Just so awful, the first person in my family to divorce, in my 50's of all things. Just can't wrap my head around it still


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

180? What 180? That has been my past week. It's gotten me nowhere except frustrated so it really has to stop. Soon to be ex will talk to me all day long if I initiate contact. In the end, it changes absolutely nothing.

Why is this so stupid and complicated? I'm so over this crap.


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

At least he will talk to you. My just ran away and talks to OW, doesn't need me to talk too.

I really wish he would, I would like to ask him some questions so I know the answers. He will only lie to me but I still would like to know.

I'm hoping when this is all said and done that we can be sort of friends - after 33 years I hope so.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Aw man Clinging, I'm sorry. 33 years is indeed a lot of time. one thing I am personally coming to terms with is it doesn't matter how soon to be ex answers my questions-then answer is the same: he's not coming back. I just assume he left me for the most fabulous life ever to try to keep the "what if..." questions at bay.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

sad, I will pray for you that your mom supports you in this. I hope she doesn't get into the bad mouthing your H crap and that she just asks you what you need. I am still struggling with my parents and their anger. Not all parents are the same though. I am like you in the fact that no one in my family has divorced. I will be the first, I am 50 yrs old and my parents have been married 52 years. Maybe that is why they are so angry at her. I will pray that your mom is more understanding of your feelings and your wishes. Good luck.


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

the 180 is so hard..i posted here that i broke the 180 because i needed to go to the er...and the more and more i think about that night about things that h said/text..the more i am starting to realize that h hasn't done anything since leaving to work on himself..and all it does in the end is rip up my heart some more..

don't get me wrong i love my h and would love more then anything to work things out but the cold reality is that if i could not get him to talk about things or get him to seek help when i lived with him..then what chance is there that h will actually do something on his own..?????

“Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.” i keep telling myself this..but my heart still cries for him..and as far as i can tell his does not cry for mine..


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

claffy

that saying is spot on. I think the reason I am so down today is H actually extended me an olive branch yesterday and I broke into 1000 pieces for him so I won't be hearing back from him for a while and now that I think about it I shouldn't have been so mean.

My H isn't able to express his feelings very well and he started to tell me stuff he was working on in counselling and I shot him down.


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

sorry to hear that Clinging...

well at least you have one up on me...my h wont get help for his depression or for our marriage..wish mine would open up..i am sure i would not want to hear everything he might have to say but i think silence is more of a heart break for me...

i am realizing that the man i married and have been with 17yrs doesnt seem like that same man..and his lack of emtion or concern for my well being has made me realize that i must coninue on with the 180 for myself..how long can one put oneself through this pain and heartbreak before falling into a pit of dispair..

i have given my all and i am working on me..i need to stop focusing my thoughts on him and what went wrong that i did not see it coming...

but that seems to be easier said then done....need to be true to my word for myself...nc...and if he does call let it go to vm..and return the call a day or two later...i am lost without him by my side and thats why i need to find myself again...i gave 200 percent of myself to him and left me behind...wiht no reall reason why


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

chaffy

Now I don't necessarily beleive he is going to counselling - he could of got some of that stuff of the internet. If he is going it is thru my EAP thru work so I have no way of knowing.

On some level, I know he realizes what he is losing but like someone pointed out to me the OW is like a drug so he can't stop.

I know I need to work on me. You would think that at work, while I'm busy I should be o.k but today it just hit me and I actually had to leave work for a while.


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

well i have not called h since i had to go to the er last sunday morning..my problem now is that i tell myself if h calls that i will not pick up the phone..tell myself let it go to vm..but i find that after 4 rings or so i answer an then after i just feel crappy..h called tonight..h said how are you feeling..so i told him..and asked how his day was..and i got well i was just calling to see if you were feelng better..i gotta go..ttyl..and then i feel so much disapointment

i can't even seem to get a normal conversation out of him..not sure this separation is headed in the right direction..at least on his side of it..lost...lonely..and heart broken


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Well, not to encourage false hope...he is still concerned ;o) He may just need some real time to miss you and what the two of you had. You got more than I have gotten through out this entire ordeal. All the love isn't gone IMHO. You have nothing to be disappointed in, the 180 is working on him ;o)


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

Damn, I am very tempted to blow the 180 today, on a Sunday hubby is alone in his office, not hanging out with friends or anyone else. (his googletalk is on) Either he is just working or surfing the net.. Maybe this is a good sign, meaning he may start to feel lonely soon and reach out.. I dunno!! Oh, God please help me.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Don't do it!

My 180 has been fruitless which tells me that he just doesn't want to talk to me at all :/ I'm not playing games over here, but I'm not going to keep reaching out and being all "oh heeeey....." It makes me feel like an @sshole.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

I hope this 180 works out.. This is my last hope. I don't know if people here using this 'technique' is feeling like "Please miss me, Please miss me..."


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

well i guess you are right that at least he still shows some kind of concern but i am worried it is out of guilt and not because he misses me..

for me i think that if he called and wanted to see how i was feeling then maybe i could just have a nice conversation with him..but i feel like i was being blown off when i tried to talk..and it wasn't even anything pertaining to us and what is going on..

i will continue the 180 and see what happens.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

The more "180" I do, the happier my soon to be ex-I'm pretty sure of that.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

Stair - *Ouch* i'm afraid it is the same from me. Almost 48 hours of no-contact and still he hasn't even sent a single message, SMS, etc... Maybe too early to tell but I am starting to feel really worried. 

Anyway, 180 is my last resort, I have not much on my gameplan left.. I'm just being patient because the more I blow it the longer it will take for him to miss me. Right now, he is on this singleness euphoria and the more I push myself, the happier he will be being single. So, if he spends a lot of time alone, the euphoria wears off, then he will think being single is not really as great as it sounds.. Then I'll make my next move!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

ooh good plan! I hope it works!!

For me, being alone is what ex wants. He is never lonely-he flourishes when he's alone so that plan won't ever work for me. We haven't spoken at all since like Tuesday maybe? He doesn't care. I can see him right there on AIM so I know he's just sitting there in his stupid chair alone on a Saturday night as well.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

^ Stair, kinda same for me - H stays up on his office until midnight, I see the lights from outside the building (we work at the same place). I know it's him because our car is parked just outside. I don't know yet if he is flourishing being single but I overheard that his supervisor didn't like his presentation last week. 

I know I am putting so much energy trying to find out how he is without really contacting him directly but I need the information on my gameplan (but as I said everything I do should be on the background and not push him in any way).


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

My stupid H is a void, doesn't contact me at all. He should be too embarassed, but I know he has convinced himself that I did some grave injustice to him. The 180 is really for me. It helps me move to the next level in my life...one without HIM ;o) I can't wait to see what the next year will bring ;o)


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## angelstarnash8567 (Jun 3, 2011)

brighterlight...I get what you are saying. I only been married for 6. I feel the same way. I told him that, I dont even know you anymore. You are not the man I married. I get it. I hurt him with my mouth saying divorce. But he knew I didnt mean it. He knows how much I love him. I dont know sometimes I think I deserve this b/c I hurt him. But then it is like 10 times worse what he is doing to me. I am taking one day at a time. Sometimes I feel like I dont even want to be here anymore. I am living for my 4 year old daughter. I am trying to get better. I am praying and trying to give everything to the Lord but some moments is worse than others. I also feel if I do something maybe I get my husband attention. I feel like dirt under his shoe and he cant get off. Anyways Hope it gets better you arent alone.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

Oh damn, after 3 perfect days of 180, I got the itch and went to my H office. He was alone, working overtime probably will work until morning (with our separation he has to survive with his minimum wage alone). He looked extremely tired.

I held his hand, we hugged and kissed, and just try to get on his side why I support the current setup (yeah, I was lying but I have to get some foothold of the situation). And then he said he's gonna take a nap. I stroke his hair like before and kissed him goodnight. 

I left his office and he didn't even flinch. Ouch!! Premature???


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