# Does this make me a jerk?



## PersonInSpace (May 19, 2016)

So my niece is graduating from Kindergarten Wednesday and I'm not going. 


This is my wife's brothers kid and she is the oldest grandchild of the family(there are 4 total, his 2, our 2). I decided not to go because I would need to take a day off of work and I think that is absurd. I actually thought it was rude to ask people to do that. I think Kindergarten graduation is a crock anyway. So we celebrate every grade now? When I moved up from kindergarten is was just another day. I think that only people that should be present are Mom + Dad and the Grandparents. Right?

Here's the other dynamic and why I'm really not going. My wife's family is large and so is my brother In laws family. It's conceivable that crew will be rolling easily 14 deep(or possibly more). So if I go I'm not some integral family member. I won't have her running up to me saying "UNCLE KEVIN" with a big hug, no. I'll be like 15th string as always. Whenever this family does stuff they are always an awkwardly huge group taking up too much space. I'll likely be standing out in the hallway outside the auditorium trying look happy and not annoyed. 


So does me not going make me a jerk?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

No, not a jerk in my book. My kids had K graduation and it was just parents and grandparents in my family.


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## MaxLorenz (Apr 27, 2016)

No. Deciding to go to work instead of attending a niece's/nephew's school event doesn't make you a jerk.

Communicating that you think everyone else in the family is being ridiculous for celebrating "graduation" from kindergarten might make you a jerk.

Just say, "Sorry I can't make it. I have to work that day. Thanks for inviting me." And mean it.

Whatever objections, questions, or further demands on your time that they might bring up, the answer is, "Sorry I can't make it. Thanks for inviting me."

Max Lorenz
HusbandPower.com


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Nope not a jerk. 

I scoffed at Kindergarten graduation too and they are MY kids. I took days off work to go to both. With my oldest, we didn't invite any other family...honestly thought who would want to come to that?! A high school or college graduation sure. Kindergarten though?

So we didn't invite anyone. 

Then the grandparents on both sides found out and were sooo upset that we didn't invite them. Oops. 

I assume someone is giving you grief over it?

Don't be rude about other people wanting to attend. Just politely make an excuse and don't go.


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## PersonInSpace (May 19, 2016)

MaxLorenz said:


> No. Deciding to go to work instead of attending a niece's/nephew's school event doesn't make you a jerk.
> 
> Communicating that you think everyone else in the family is being ridiculous for celebrating "graduation" from kindergarten might make you a jerk.
> 
> ...



Well of course I don't say anything. I stay silent. I'm no dummy.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

No. Bringing home the bacon and using vacation days properly is very acceptable. 

Changing jobs frequently, I never had more then two weeks at a time. Marital partners need to get a grip when vacation time is involved. Combine every vacation with weekends to maximize the time.

If you like the child, buy a thoughtful, specific present for him/her. Nothing expensive. Maybe a Ten-Dollar-Kite.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It's a sad commentary on our society when passing kindergarten requires a graduation ceremony and presents. No wonder kids expect a paid for college education and a house upon graduating. Talk about the dumbing down of America.

No, you're not a jerk.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> It's a sad commentary on our society when passing kindergarten requires a graduation ceremony and presents. No wonder kids expect a paid for college education and a house upon graduating. Talk about the dumbing down of America.
> 
> No, you're not a jerk.


I agree. Kindergarten graduations (especially with the added caps and gowns) are silly, IMO. My son just had his last day of K last week and there was no pomp and circumstance about it. The last week was more lax on the educational aspects and more focused on extra fun and different activities then during the school year.

If my sons school had a K graduation, it would be DH and I and the grandparents - they all live less than half an hour away so they wouldn't have to travel, etc.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

Also, I believe kindergarten is the grade where kids "stay back" most often. How would the student feel if everyone else was "graduating" from K with a big ceremony and can't participate?


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

First off, the hate on Kindergarten graduation is absurd and to equate it to the expectation of free college...well, wait, I guess that makes complete sense. It's a fun day for the kids and the parents that enjoy that stuff. Really, it's a graduation out of the care free childhood and into the, I now have to buckle down and work my butt off of 1st grade.

Secondly, nobody should expect you to go and don't. It's pretty boring if it ain't your kid and somewhat boring if it is. If there is any backlash, then it's that person's problem. Unless it's your wife giving backlash, and well, maybe you can negotiate some favorable outcome in your favor.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Kindergarten is for mom and dad to enjoy their kids achievement as mundane as some see it. If grandparents are available to come then so be it. For aunt and uncle...yeah, no, not necessary you attend. To be honest, I have never had any of my W family members or mine for that matter ask to attend a kindergarten graduation.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I wouldn't have even considered asking aunts and uncles to go to DD25's kindergarten graduation.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

PersonInSpace said:


> So my niece is graduating from Kindergarten Wednesday and I'm not going.
> 
> 
> This is my wife's brothers kid and she is the oldest grandchild of the family(there are 4 total, his 2, our 2). I decided not to go because I would need to take a day off of work and I think that is absurd. I actually thought it was rude to ask people to do that. I think Kindergarten graduation is a crock anyway. So we celebrate every grade now? When I moved up from kindergarten is was just another day. I think that only people that should be present are Mom + Dad and the Grandparents. Right?
> ...


I agree with you on this, and I even work in education. It seems like we have to have a ceremony for everything these days, and I'm not a ceremony person.

Of course, I know some families are big on this stuff. Is anyone giving you a hard time for not going?

I think a lot of stuff like this is just control. People want to make a big deal if you don't attend something, but if you do attend, it's not like it makes much difference, especially when there are so many other people there. 

There was once an 8th grade graduation at our schools, with cap, gown, and everything. they decided to do away with it, and that's fine with me and everyone else.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Wanna hear something funny.. we have 6 kids and until this thread.. I never even heard of a Kindergarten graduation! 

Yes I find that absurd.. I would smack my husband if he took off work for something this silly.. seriously.. you are not a Jerk at all.. Now a High school Graduation.... that's different.. but even more important would be the GRAD PARTY - in my book....

Kindergarten.. sorry I am laughing here.. ...what are they going to come up with next ...


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

PersonInSpace said:


> So my niece is graduating from Kindergarten Wednesday and I'm not going.


Niece???? Nah, think the niece cares? Doubtful. 

Daughter? Yeah.... I wouldn't skip that.


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

I'm a kindergarten teacher and do not think it is rude at all. I think kindergarten graduation is silly and just for the parents anyways.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

PersonInSpace said:


> So my niece is graduating from Kindergarten Wednesday and I'm not going.
> 
> 
> This is my wife's brothers kid and she is the oldest grandchild of the family(there are 4 total, his 2, our 2). I decided not to go because I would need to take a day off of work and I think that is absurd. I actually thought it was rude to ask people to do that. I think Kindergarten graduation is a crock anyway. So we celebrate every grade now? When I moved up from kindergarten is was just another day. I think that only people that should be present are Mom + Dad and the Grandparents. Right?
> ...


No it doesn't make you a jerk.

Explain to them politely and respectfully that you aren't able to take the day off work. 

My daughter graduated from preschool a month ago. I didn't invite anyone except her father (my ex husband). Half an hour into the ceremony, I realized he forgot, so it turned out I was the only one who attended. Preschool, kindergarten, are not a big deal to graduate from. Parents and grandparents are good to go...inviting anyone else is really weird in my opinion. But to each their own.


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