# Fantasies



## cjl (Jan 24, 2014)

Has it or would it bother you if your spouse fantasizes about a person who is opposite of you? Or not you?

How many of you will be honest to say you do this? Not talking about looking at porn, tv, or magazines, just the image in your head while masturbating.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

If he does this he hasn't shared it.Lately,I'd probably find it hot that he's thinking about sex at all especially since he admitted he rarely thinks of it unless I bring it up.

My desire for DH is really,really high and I fantasize about him constantly but the occasional stranger still pops into my head especially after I was told sex isn't on Dh's mind.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I would be surprised if he didn't fantasize about somebody different, he already has me. He could fantasize about green women with horns and it wouldn't shock me, it's a fantasy, no?

I don't fantasize or work up images in my head at all, I usually just concentrate on how my body is feeling and reacting. H was surprised when I told him that, visuals don't turn me on at all.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

I think it's healthy and normal to let your mind wonder from time to time. It shouldn't be something you do all the time though...then it would be a problem.


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## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

It's perfectly normal and healthy to fantasize about different people. You don't die when you get into a relationship or marriage. Actors/actresses and such is fine. 

I think honesty is the best policy here. There is no harm in mentioning that you find someone on TV or passing you on the street hot.

It's when it's someone that you spend a lot of time with (like a coworker) that it gets weird.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Only when I masturbate alone and definitely no one in particular. I just visualize sex or erotic scenarios without actual (real) people involved. Or I visualize Mrs Conan in fun positions or replay an especially exciting session with her.

When I am with her, I never have to imagine anything, I direct the full force of my dirty little mind at her delicious little body! JOY!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

This is why I have never asked my husband who or what he fantasizes about. Don't ask the question if you don't really want to know the answer.

But like Giro already said, I assume he does fantasize about someone different than the person he had for the last 29 years.


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

Giro flee said:


> I don't fantasize or work up images in my head at all, I usually just concentrate on how my body is feeling and reacting. .


I have been here a while but never posted. When I saw this comment I had to respond. I have been thinking about fantasizing and I am exactly like you. I wouldn't even know where to begin if I tried. I wasn't sure if it was because my H is my first and only or what. (We have been together 31yrs since we were 16)


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## cjl (Jan 24, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Only when I masturbate alone and definitely no one in particular. I just visualize sex or erotic scenarios without actual (real) people involved.* Or I visualize Mrs Conan in fun positions or replay an especially exciting session with her.*
> 
> When I am with her, I never have to imagine anything, I direct the full force of my dirty little mind at her delicious little body! JOY!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is what I usually do, only it's about mrs cjl not mrs conan..lol

W just made up someone in her head, doesn't even really know what he looks like. Mostly his actions is what she remembers.
Although they never made it to the sex, she would think of it every time but could never make it to the sex.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I think I would have a problem if I found out my wife was fantasizing about an actual person.

If she just imagines general, erotic images and scenarios, that wouldn't bother me. Thinking about a real person is just to touchy, for me anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cjl (Jan 24, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> I think I would have a problem if I found out my wife was fantasizing about an actual person.
> 
> If she just imagines general, erotic images and scenarios, that wouldn't bother me. Thinking about a real person is just to touchy, for me anyway.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would too for sure. :iagree:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

cjl said:


> This is what I usually do, only it's about mrs cjl not mrs conan..lol
> 
> W just made up someone in her head, doesn't even really know what he looks like. Mostly his actions is what she remembers.
> Although they never made it to the sex, she would think of it every time but could never make it to the sex.


That's very common for women. It's the nameless faceless lover we all have. The guy who knows exactly what to do...like he's in our heads or something!


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## cjl (Jan 24, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> That's very common for women. It's the nameless faceless lover we all have. The guy who knows exactly what to do...like he's in our heads or something!


Wow really? very common? 

Makes sense, we were going through a rough patch back then. I wasn't willing and she wanted it. I hate to admit that but that's how pathetic I let it get before waking up.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Brandy905 said:


> I have been here a while but never posted. When I saw this comment I had to respond. I have been thinking about fantasizing and I am exactly like you. I wouldn't even know where to begin if I tried. I wasn't sure if it was because my H is my first and only or what. (We have been together 31yrs since we were 16)


Welcome to TAM!!! 

Would you be open to reading about female desire and sexuality? Barnes and Nobles has a whole section on Sex/Sexuality...there are some very explicit books but also a lot of very clean material as well

Good Luck and welcome again!!


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> I think I would have a problem if I found out my wife was fantasizing about an actual person.
> 
> If she just imagines general, erotic images and scenarios, that wouldn't bother me. Thinking about a real person is just to touchy, for me anyway.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:....Plus if that person is in your spouses life it MIGHT, i say MIGHT, lead to an affair


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

over20 said:


> :iagree:....Plus if that person is in your spouses life it MIGHT, i say MIGHT, lead to an affair


If it was someone she knew in person, that would really feel like an affair to me.

Even if it was an actor or musician, I would be angry and jealous.

Maybe silly, but that is me. Mrs. Conan is wired like me too so we fit good.:smthumbup:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

cjl said:


> Wow really? very common?
> 
> Makes sense, we were going through a rough patch back then. I wasn't willing and she wanted it. I hate to admit that but that's how pathetic I let it get before waking up.


First, don't beat yourself up. I've been married 29 years and I could fill a set of encyclopedias with all the dumb stupid mistakes I've made, of course half of them were HIS fault though! 

Second, everyone is different but the nameless faceless lover is indeed very common and doesn't have much to do with the state of the relationship or level of attraction to the spouse. It's SELF pleasure when we masturbate, but for those of us who prefer the responsive type of sex sensations, we need someone doing those things to us. The nameless faceless lover begins when we begin masturbating for sexual fulfillment. It/he becomes just a part of our repertoire and it sticks even after we fall in love and get married. It means nothing!


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Its normal and doesn't bother me a bit.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

nope...my ex wifes fantasies never bothered me, and she shared them...when we were first married she used to fantasize about much older man, in position of authority, TAKING her...

then as time went on, she fantasized about younger men, SHE in authority, and THEM taking her...always someone in authority or dominant in her sexcapades...she was REALLY into being tied to the bed, blindfolded, and with NO control whatsoever...she even hinted at me sneaking someone else into the bedroom to tool her while I watched and she would NEVER know who it was

hindsight being 20/20, I should have raised some red flags there LOL

I told her my fantasies as well...most involved casual sex, or sex with an older more experienced woman

lately, my fantasies have been sorta messed up...since she cheated I fantasize about married women cheating...I know its sick and demented, and counter productive to getting over her affair and the divorce, but I cant help it


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

We're all human soooo ............. the occasional fantasy of being with someone else I feel is normal IMHO


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

cjl said:


> Has it or would it bother you if your spouse fantasizes about a person who is opposite of you? Or not you?
> 
> How many of you will be honest to say you do this? Not talking about looking at porn, tv, or magazines, just the image in your head while masturbating.


Of course I fantasize about someone opposite my wife. Why would I fantasize about someone that doesn't want to have sex with me!:rofl:


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> This is why I have never asked my husband who or what he fantasizes about. Don't ask the question if you don't really want to know the answer.
> 
> But like Giro already said, I assume he does fantasize about someone different than the person he had for the last 29 years.


My wife says she has no fantasies I find it hard to imagine

If she does not I find it a little bit sad but, more sad would be her not being honest about it .Maybe not to me but to herself.

Maybe she is a bit ashamed of what they are.When I playfuly call her a bad girl once in a while I think it really upsets her.

As in we had a great session that night I would say it.

But I think I won't say it any more.

What do you think AP ?

55


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

cjl said:


> Has it or would it bother you if your spouse fantasizes about a person who is opposite of you? Or not you?
> 
> How many of you will be honest to say you do this? Not talking about looking at porn, tv, or magazines, just the image in your head while masturbating.


This would not bother me. DW doesn't MB and doesn't fantasize so this isn't an issue but if she did and shared with me I would be fine as long as she didn't act on them. It would actually make me feel closer to her if she shared what she thought about if she did MB. I wish I could share with her what I thought of during those times but she would probably leave me if I did.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

It would be OK--as long as it wasn't in the middle of our making love. Hmmm--and not a past partner.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

just got it 55 said:


> My wife says she has no fantasies I find it hard to imagine
> 
> If she does not I find it a little bit sad but, more sad would be her not being honest about it .Maybe not to me but to herself.
> 
> ...


Reverse it for her.

Good girl = a woman who is sexually explorative and open.

Bad girl = a woman with hang ups and is closed off.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Stonewall said:


> Its normal and doesn't bother me a bit.


:iagree: I think it is totally normal and healthy.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

I have no problem with my wife fanaticizing either when we have sex or when she is pleasuring herself, unless the subject of her fantasy is a real person in her life that she interacts with or has access to.

Although technically not a fantasy per se, I have had a recurring erotic dream for nearly 20 years whereby my wife and I are having sex. In the room with us is one of my wife's female friends (the dream has featured many of them over the years), and she is always nude, wearing glasses and observing us and taking notes. She never participates, but will occasionally ask a clinical question like "what is he doing with his tongue?", or "do you two always do that?". 

My wife knows about these, and thinks they are amusing. I have tried to analyze these dreams for years, and I reckon it's just some sort of voyeur fantasy.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

just got it 55 said:


> My wife says she has no fantasies I find it hard to imagine
> 
> If she does not I find it a little bit sad but, more sad would be her not being honest about it .Maybe not to me but to herself.
> 
> ...



I know you didn't ask me but I'm a woman who does not enjoy being called bad, sl*t, c#nt, etc. I enjoy compliments, not put downs, I had enough of those growing up.

Why would it be sad if your wife doesn't have fantasies? I'm a very analytical person so made up scenarios just feel silly and do nothing for me. Thinking about what H and I are actually going to do or have done really works for me.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Brandy905 said:


> I have been here a while but never posted. When I saw this comment I had to respond. I have been thinking about fantasizing and I am exactly like you. I wouldn't even know where to begin if I tried. I wasn't sure if it was because my H is my first and only or what. (We have been together 31yrs since we were 16)



Wow, this is so opposite of me. People are just wired differently I guess. I was having sex fantasies about different women *since I was 11 years old*. But at that age the fantasies were very childish and vague - they really got going when I was like 13. Didn't have to worry about "how to begin" because it was as natural to me as breathing. Girls in my class, my teachers, famous actresses, even some of my friend's mothers were fair game for my fantasies.

Today, my wife and I both fantasize about others, even people we know personally, and we openly talk about it. This would not have been the case at the start of our marriage, and I am happy that we can both be so open about it now. We have never cheated with any of these people.


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## 312cpl (Jan 27, 2014)

Giro flee said:


> I know you didn't ask me but I'm a woman who does not enjoy being called bad, sl*t, c#nt, etc. I enjoy compliments, not put downs, I had enough of those growing up.
> 
> Why would it be sad if your wife doesn't have fantasies? I'm a very analytical person so made up scenarios just feel silly and do nothing for me. Thinking about what H and I are actually going to do or have done really works for me.


I agree, you can't decide yourself to pick out a term like bad sl*t and start calling her that name and expect her to be aroused by it. It has to be something you discover together. Something you stumble onto together during some act or conversation that arouses the other. That's where some terms begin. We don't call each other dirty names, but we do talk very dirty, and it gets us hot.


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## Uglee70 (Jan 2, 2009)

I know that my wife has fantasies about at least one man that is not me, and maybe very likely, more!

I don't care. 

It's her choice, it's her right.
I'm not going to get jealous and pick a fight, that's way too immature.

Instead, I play along, we have a laugh, it's not an issue.

If she does land him and runs away I just hope she still thinks enough of me to send me a small piece of his enormous wealth :-D


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh, please. Used to fantasize about James Bond all the time when I was married. In my alone time.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

As long as your husband does not act with anybody else but you on those fantasies is his mind, do you want to control it? Even he can't 
I have fantasies about all type of sex ....so When we used to have it we used to share the fantasy and put them in practice, see where it goes 
Do worry when he has no fantasy about sex


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Oh, please. Used to fantasize about James Bond all the time when I was married. In my alone time.


James bond! Good choice!

I get a kick out of celebrities that women dig.
My ex salivated over Mark Harmon. I told her "good choice!"
He's aged really well.

Lots of women dig Johnny Depp. Again great choice.

Brad Pitt. Uggh. Could never understand that one. He's such a dweeb


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I believe the fantasies are okay. My wife and both fantasize about others. She always just fantasizes about "generic" men, no faces. It's more the idea of another man that is turning her on. As for myself, I don't always fantasize about a specific person, but from time to time I do.

And she knows who she is.


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

Nothing wrong with fantasizing at all  IMHO !


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Oh, please. Used to fantasize about James Bond all the time when I was married. In my alone time.


I think this one depends on which James Bond your talking about.

Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan or Daniel Craig


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Oh, please. Used to fantasize about James Bond all the time when I was married. In my alone time.


I used to fantasize about the sexy ladies with James Bond....like OctoPus sy....now that is a name! Montepenny would be fun to roll in the hay with too!


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

I feel it would disrespect him, so I don't. All my friends do though, normally about coworkers or guys they flirt with a lot.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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