# Thought I was ready



## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

Hey everyone. I know I've been on a hiatus for a while, but I'm having a rough night and didn't know where else to turn.

Divorce should have been final this week. STBXH's lawyer went on a 2-week vacation, so it's been pushed back. But there is an end in sight.

Like an idiot I thought I was ready to date. And maybe I am but just have a tendency to find losers. Had been seeing someone for a few weeks now. Seemingly everything I wanted in a guy. Only to find out tonight that I've not been the only one he's seeing.

I really liked the guy and feel sorta sick to my stomach. Rejection stings though, no matter what. I'm sure it's natural for anyone in my shoes, but I feel like I should swear off dating for sometime. I honestly don't think there's even one decent, trustworthy guy out there. Is anyone just a good human being anymore? 

Anyway, hope everyone has been well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

You are dating now and don't really have a right to expect someone to be exclusive until there is a ring on your finger. Don't take it so hard. People date to find out if you are right for each other. How difficult would that be If we were denied the ability to see in more than one direction at a time?


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

Wow...um...yeah. I think I'll be having a really tough time. If there is no expectation of exclusivity until engagement, that's a huge problem. Why would anyone agree to marry someone they weren't being exclusive to?

Marriage/engagement is way, way off my radar. But if things have changed that much in 10 years, I guess I better just swear off men right now. I could never date multiple people at once. Is that how it's done nowadays? I agree you should keep your options open, but once you find someone you're interested in, shouldn't you give things a try with that person? Wow. That sucks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sunshine33 (Aug 4, 2012)

Soverylost, not everyone thinks and acts that way. You will find someone that has similar morals and values, this person was not one of those people.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

I know that I'm a good enough person that somebody is going to want to be with me and just me. But we are walking out of marriages (whether we like it or not) and into other peoples lives. They weren't just hatched from a pod they have a life. Certainly it includes other relationships of varying seriousness. 

Good luck. You can give up of course but remember you are now single and you should try to enjoy it. You shouldn't have to commit to any one other person so soon after such an important relationship ended.


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

I wasn't making a commitment to him. I was giving him the courtesy of focusing on him alone and building a little trust as we learned if we would be compatible for a relationship down the road.

I don't want to feel like I'm the flavor of the day or week just because one of his other ones didn't happen to be available. But, like I said, obviously times have changed, and if this is just how things go now, I can see why this country has the divorce rate that it does. People and relationships don't seemed to be valued anymore. It feels like both are disposable and interchangeable. And I think that's really sad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Hey SVL nice to see you back...sorry you are having a rough time, like the others said, i found when i started dating that some people only dated one at a time, others multiples- if ths they are dating multiples then they are not right for you
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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

Hey unsure. Hope you've been well. Yeah, it was a lesson well learned. A good note for the future, but I'm taking a big break from the dating scene. Guess you don't know until you try though, right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

How are your sessions going?


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

I'm looking for a new counselor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

SoVeryLost said:


> I'm looking for a new counselor.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What went down with the last one?


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

I did not like the direction it was heading in...explained that I was not yet at the point to discuss certain things but that once I felt more comfortable I would certainly be open to re-visiting them. Kept getting pushed and pushed and felt I wasn't being listened to. So I'm not going back to that one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

SVL: You seem like a wonderful person. Take things slow. Be alone for a while. Focus on you and your son. Good men will be attracted to you-----


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> SVL: You seem like a wonderful person. Take things slow. Be alone for a while. Focus on you and your son. Good men will be attracted to you-----


Thanks. Appreciate it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Dating multiple people is not the norm once you find someone you like. I'm old and have been around many separated/divorced people. They all dated one person at a time unless it was early on and they were looking. A few weeks in it's reasonable to expect either they want to deepen the relationship with you or they don't.

Don't settle.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Welcome back, SVL, but I'm sorry it's because you're feeling so bad. I really think unsure is right. You're not the only one who feels the way you do. Not everyone is exclusive only from the point of an engagement ring on. 

But I think you might want to get more comfortable with being upfront about your expectations the next time you get in a relationship. At some point, say once you've started sleeping with a guy, you don't want that person to be dating other women, you might need to say so. In a way, it's a test of how right he is for you. If he balks, he's not for you. I think the way things have changed in the dating world is that nothing is taken for granted anymore. But I think you know from reading on here that there are plenty of guys who feel the same way you do. The trick is to find them IRL.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

I agree with Angel..I am taking the start of dating federally slowly. That way I can have plenty of time to think through each step and decide what I am ok with. Set those boundaries when you need to. If a guy is a keeper,.he will respect them. If he can't make promises, he isn't right for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

Not trying to hijack this but I see something and I want everyone to open their eyes a little bit. We are all getting divorced and almost every one of us got burned by a cheating spouse. To me, then, there are 2 kinds of people available to us... Those that claim they will be exclusive and those honest enough to say otherwise. I'm not even sure it ever ends at any age. I know I was absolutely faithful but my wife said she was too, until it was proven otherwise. How can we expect as much from people we just met?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

mule kick said:


> Not trying to hijack this but I see something and I want everyone to open their eyes a little bit. We are all getting divorced and almost every one of us got burned by a cheating spouse. To me, then, there are 2 kinds of people available to us... Those that claim they will be exclusive and those honest enough to say otherwise. I'm not even sure it ever ends at any age. I know I was absolutely faithful but my wife said she was too, until it was proven otherwise. How can we expect as much from people we just met?


Try before you buy.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

I agree. An understanding needs to be set in place about being the only one each other is seeing. Some might be okay with seeing multiples at the same time. Not I though.
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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Don't change who you are and what you want when you are ready to date !!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'll jump in and say that I think the problem is that you made assumptions that he viewed the relationships and dating the same as you do. I think the same as you, but many people do not. Until there's a discussion about "are we exclusive", I would say its very dangerous to assume you are.

C


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## sadsoul101 (Oct 18, 2011)

SoVeryLost said:


> I wasn't making a commitment to him. I was giving him the courtesy of focusing on him alone and building a little trust as we learned if we would be compatible for a relationship down the road.
> 
> I don't want to feel like I'm the flavor of the day or week just because one of his other ones didn't happen to be available. But, like I said, obviously times have changed, and if this is just how things go now, I can see why this country has the divorce rate that it does. People and relationships don't seemed to be valued anymore. It feels like both are disposable and interchangeable. And I think that's really sad.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey SVL,

I completely agree. I hate the thought of people just being treated like the flavor of the day/week and that people and relationships aren't valued, they are just thought of as disposable. I feel the EXACT say way. 

In fact, I recently commented to my counselor (after having a few interviews at various temporary employment agencies) that the temp. company interviews just made me feel cheap and replaceable. She commented that this is b/c my husband made me feel cheap and replaceable :-(


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