# "Sl*tty sex"



## katiecrna

Ok this is an embarrassing topic but let me prefaces that this is not about me but my cousin. 
My cousin is late 20s and has never had problems getting men. The problem is escalating it to a serious relationship. I personally think it's bc she LOVES sex and is aggressive and is a "freak" too early in the relationship that men dont respect her and no longer view her as a wife or mother type. So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship? Is this marriage material? It seems from watching her that the relationship starts out so heavy in sex and it stays all about sex and doesn't develop into a more adult serious relationship.


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## farsidejunky

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

In my dating days, it really was this simple:

If there is a bright, committed, honorable, classy person behind the ****tiness, she is a keeper.

If she falls short in any of those categories, she is good for about two to four weeks.


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## samyeagar

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I can see what you are saying with this, but I don't think the issue is your cousins sexual appetite, rather her bad man picker to share it with...of course the first question would have to be...is she bothered by the fact that she is not in a serious relationship? Or is she just having fun, and enjoying how things are?

My wife is pretty sexually charged, loves sex in all different kinds of ways including the things you listed above, made no bones about from the very beginning of our relationship...we have been together five years now..


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## katiecrna

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

She wants a serious relationship for sure. She just doesn't get why it never works out. I'm the opposite, I'm a nice Christian girl who believes holding out for the "girl one" is a better approach to winning a respectful man.


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## zookeeper

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

There are many reasons that relationships fail. Why do you suspect her sexuality is the cause? Are you projecting because you personally do not approve?


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## katiecrna

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I'm not a guy I don't know how they think. But I can't imagine one blowing a load in their new girlfriends face and thinking... I want to grow old with her and I want her to be the mother of my children. maybe men don't think like that lol


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## WorkingOnMe

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Marriage material, yes.


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## Herschel

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Well, I married your cousin. Turns out she is BSC. Maybe that is why the relationships never continue.


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## NextTimeAround

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Herschel said:


> Well, I married your cousin. Turns out she is BSC. Maybe that is why the relationships never continue.


what is a BSC?


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## samyeagar

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> I'm not a guy I don't know how they think. But I can't imagine one blowing a load in their new girlfriends face and thinking... I want to grow old with her and I want her to be the mother of my children. maybe men don't think like that lol


Some men do, some men don't. Much like women, it all depends on what is important to them in a relationship, and the trick is picking someone on the same page, looking for the same things.

For myself, an active and intense sex life is a very important part of any relationship I would want to be in.


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## Haiku

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



NextTimeAround said:


> what is a BSC?


I need to bookmark Urban Dictionary.


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## becareful2

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



NextTimeAround said:


> what is a BSC?


It's a guess but I think it's batsh*t crazy.


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## farsidejunky

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> I'm not a guy I don't know how they think. But I can't imagine one blowing a load in their new girlfriends face and thinking... I want to grow old with her and I want her to be the mother of my children. maybe men don't think like that lol


The hard part is we are all different.

Some men value a sexual appetite at the exclusion of other qualities.

Some need to see other traits.


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## EllisRedding

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Either she picks $h1tty men, or maybe she has a rep that attracts the wrong type of guys thinking she is an easy go


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## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

In my younger days I would have had a deep meaningful relationship with your cousin,for about a fortnight.These "come in my face"girls are great fun for a while but they regard sex so lightly that they can never be trusted.Now back then I didn't give a damn anyway,I was into ons or short and sweet relationships and have only ever asked one girl to be exclusive.Your cousins biggest problem is that she probably has a reputation for anything goes sex and the type of guys confident enough to go out with her are not looking for anything long term.


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## She'sStillGotIt

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



EllisRedding said:


> Either she picks $h1tty men, or maybe she has a rep that attracts the wrong type of guys thinking she is an easy go


Umm..she IS an easy go. :grin2:


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## Haiku

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

@katiecrna - I'm not in my 20's so I can't speak for that age group anymore. I am divorced and not dating. I haven't been in a physical relationship for a long ⏳ time. 

I wouldn't say a woman's past is totally irrelevant just as a guy's isn't. But the value a person places on it varies, of course. Speaking for myself - I don't care too much about a woman's past or how she acquired any sills. Nope, I really don't. I care if she's inspiring and I can feel comfortable that I can make her happy. 

I suppose if I just met a girl in a club and the night ended in wild pig sex it might make me think twice...but that says as much about me as it might her. Long story short, I think it depends. 

Maybe this is a bit about her choices of guys and the places and circumstances they're meeting??


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## katiecrna

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Yea I see your point. I think she is just dating young immature guys. She picks the wrong ones and she attracts the wrong ones. I feel bad bc she is the nicest, most loyal loving good hearted, fun and funniest person I know. I think that's why it bothers me so much because I just think guys don't respect her bc she leads with her sexuality instead of her other amazing traits.


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## MrsAldi

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

All my girl friends act similar to OPs cousin, apparently I am a weirdo for being sexually inexperienced and getting married! 
I thought men didn't care about that stuff anymore, unless they are religious oriented. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## EllisRedding

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



MrsAldi said:


> All my girl friends act similar to OPs cousin, apparently I am a weirdo for being sexually inexperienced and getting married!
> *I thought men didn't care about that stuff anymore, unless they are religious oriented.*
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


I am by no means religiously oriented, but being honest I would not have much interest in pursuing someone who had developed a reputation (which sounds like quite possibly what has happened to the OPs cousin)


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I specifically wanted the type of men who DO care that the girl holds out.. I've always felt these are the more "Marriage material MEN".... giving my body to someone meant a great deal to me, emotional strings, wanting to fuse with them in every way.... so if it meant little to nothing to the man (just a hot roll in the hay), he could easily walk, go fuse himself with another ... he needs to be with women who are OK with that.... 

My husband would never trust a woman who had sex so easily -to be faithful.. intimacy is very special to him...he wants to know it's also very special and meaningful to the woman..


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## samyeagar

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



MrsAldi said:


> All my girl friends act similar to OPs cousin, apparently I am a weirdo for being sexually inexperienced and getting married!
> *I thought men didn't care about that stuff anymore*, unless they are religious oriented.
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


In my brief foray back into the dating world between marriages, I don't think it's so much a change in men, as it is in women being more open about things, and the differences between men and women are not so apparently stark as they once were.

I was the dating freak man who didn't take every opportunity to bed all the readily available dime a dozen sexually freaky women.


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## Fozzy

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Katie--maybe it's more a matter of WHERE she's looking for these men. If she's hunting for a husband in bars or on Tinder, she's gonna have a bad time. I personally don't think having copious amounts of awesome sex would drive me away from a woman, but hey--what do I know?


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## MrsAldi

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



EllisRedding said:


> I am by no means religiously oriented, but being honest I would not have much interest in pursuing someone who had developed a reputation (which sounds like quite possibly what has happened to the OPs cousin)


Small town/Big City difference. 
If you dated in the city, it's unlikely you'd know the reputation of someone unless they told you. 

If a man has a high drive and a reputation himself, why would he marry a sexually inexperienced woman? 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



MrsAldi said:


> All my girl friends act similar to OPs cousin, apparently I am a weirdo for being sexually inexperienced and getting married!
> I thought men didn't care about that stuff anymore, unless they are religious oriented.
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


They don't care about it because they are getting sex handed to them on a plate.It will be a different matter when they want to settle down,they don't want the local bike who everyone had a ride on.Think about introducing your new fiancée to your friends and family knowing half of your friends had slept with her.It is the old lock and key story,inherently unfair to women but there you go.
By the way I was in Ireland recently and you are doing really well with your chain of supermarkets,I saw them everywhere lol.


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## samyeagar

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



SimplyAmorous said:


> I specifically wanted the type of men who DO care that the girl holds out.. I've always felt these are the more "Marriage material MEN".... giving my body to someone meant a great deal to me, emotional strings, wanting to fuse with them in every way.... so if it meant little to nothing to the man (just a hot roll in the hay), he could easily walk, go fuse himself with another ... he needs to be with women who are OK with that....
> 
> My husband would never trust a woman who had sex so easily -to be faithful.. intimacy is very special to him...he wants to know it's also very special and meaningful to the woman..


You know, we have often found some similarities in ourselves and our partners, and I got to wondering how much our ages at the beginning of our relationship have to do with things. With the similarities we all have, there are a few seemingly stark differences that perhaps the years of life experience can explain.

While you and my wife had similar backgrounds and experiences growing up, a few key differences led to very different lives, yet here we all are at similar places in our lives with similar partners, similar attitudes, similar desires.

I do wonder how you or your husband would fare if you found yourself in the dating pool again, as I did...this is where my wondering about life experience comes in....for myself, what would take me ages to figure out when I was much younger, getting answers to questions, wondering about anothers intentions, basically figuring out a persons character...the years of life experience honed my ability in that regard to come to conclusions in a fraction of the time.

If any of that makes any sense...


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## MSalmoides

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

...


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## Haiku

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> Yea I see your point. I think she is just dating young immature guys. She picks the wrong ones and she attracts the wrong ones. I feel bad bc she is the nicest, most loyal loving good hearted, fun and funniest person I know. I think that's why it bothers me so much because I just think guys don't respect her bc she leads with her sexuality instead of her other amazing traits.


You seem like a pretty nice introspective and compassionate cousin. Have you discussed your thoughts with her?


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## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



MSalmoides said:


> I would agree with this. I've not been with anyone easy like this but I've had many friends who have and yep, what you're saying. Could she be happy in an exclusive relationship with that kind of sex drive? Could she commit to one guy and actually do it? Being easy is fine and all, but at some point could one guy be enough for her? If she's an quick panty dropper that can be very scary to guys who looking for something serious in a relationship.
> 
> ~MS


It's called hit and quit.lol.


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## EllisRedding

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



MrsAldi said:


> Small town/Big City difference.
> If you dated in the city, it's unlikely you'd know the reputation of someone unless they told you.
> 
> If a man has a high drive and a reputation himself, why would he marry a sexually inexperienced woman?
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


Yes and no. People have a tendency to run in the same smaller circles. Of course, small town makes it harder but wouldn't say a large city makes it unlikely.

Also, I don't equate a high drive and rep as the same, as I have a high drive. To me, it is just a matter of finding someone who you are compatible with, share the same/similar morals/values. This is more important if you are looking for a relationship of course and not just a quick round of fun.


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## katiecrna

*&quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*

I personally think that she is so sexual bc she is insecure, and she has crazy jealousy issues. She has this horrible view that men who cheat on their gf or wives is bc they weren't sexually fulfilling which I disagree with. She feels like it's her duty and responsibility to fully satisfy her man which I personally don't think that's possible. She is the type of person who gets so mad if she finds out that her man masterbates or watches porn, she views this as almost like cheating behavior.
She believes to keep a man or to make a man happy it's all about sex.


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## katiecrna

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Haiku said:


> You seem like a pretty nice introspective and compassionate cousin. Have you discussed your thoughts with her?




Yea I try. But I have a tendency to come across judgy and Holier-than-thou. I try not to but people seem to get offended. Than she ends up not opening up to me bc she feels I will disagree with her or something.


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## katiecrna

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



MSalmoides said:


> I would agree with this. I've not been with anyone easy like this but I've had many friends who have and yep, what you're saying. Could she be happy in an exclusive relationship with that kind of sex drive? Could she commit to one guy and actually do it? Being easy is fine and all, but at some point could one guy be enough for her? If she's a quick panty dropper that can be very scary to guys who are looking for something serious in a relationship.
> 
> ~MS




She can be exclusive and she wants to be. She is not the cheating lying type of girl. She is super loyal. She IMO uses sex to keep her man happy not bc she craves it so much. She thinks that's what guys want.


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## Thor

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



farsidejunky said:


> In my dating days, it really was this simple:
> 
> If there is a bright, committed, honorable, classy person behind the ****tiness, she is a keeper.
> 
> If she falls short in any of those categories, she is good for about two to four weeks.


Pretty much end of discussion after that post!

Agreed. These days my concern would be whether she has issues after my experiences with my stbxw. She was the aggressor sexually, and was pretty freaky at least for the time period (1980 ish). But that was a symptom of other issues she had. The fact that your cousin can't get to a deeper emotional level is a red flag she has some unresolved issues there.

The problem isn't the great sex. Men want a highly sexual marriage. If she is bright, committed, and otherwise compatible with the man, it would be a perfect marriage. The problem is if she can't get to a deeper level. The problem may not be the men. They may be interested in taking the relationship deeper. It may be her that is the block.

Some men of course are not looking for a marriage, so she's the perfect temporary girlfriend if she loves sex. Perhaps she is selecting poorly.


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## jld

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> She can be exclusive and she wants to be. She is not the cheating lying type of girl. She is super loyal. She IMO uses sex to keep her man happy not bc she craves it so much. She thinks that's what guys want.


She sounds controlling.

She would be happier if she could relax, and just let things happen, not aim for a specific outcome.


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## EunuchMonk

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

No offence but the saying "crazy in the bed, crazy in the head" comes to mind.


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## zookeeper

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



katiecrna said:


> I personally think that she is so sexual bc she is insecure, and she has crazy jealousy issues. She has this horrible view that men who cheat on their gf or wives is bc they weren't sexually fulfilling which I disagree with. She feels like it's her duty and responsibility to fully satisfy her man which I personally don't think that's possible. She is the type of person who gets so mad if she finds out that her man masterbates or watches porn, she views this as almost like cheating behavior.
> She believes to keep a man or to make a man happy it's all about sex.



It's easily more likely that her relationships don't endure because she is jealous and insecure. If she stopped the sex, she would then just be a jealous, insecure woman without great sex.

So do you really think it's hot sex that is chasing men away? That sound a lot like trying to chase ants away from a picnic by pouring sugar on the ground.


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## katiecrna

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



jld said:


> She sounds controlling.
> 
> 
> 
> She would be happier if she could relax, and just let things happen, not aim for a specific outcome.




That's a good observation and I think your right. She has a lot of issues from childhood and she requires a lot to feel safe and loved.


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## jld

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



EllisRedding said:


> To me, it is just a matter of finding someone who you are compatible with, share the same/similar morals/values. This is more important if you are looking for a relationship of course and not just a quick round of fun.


:iagree:

It is not about how many partners, etc. It is how good you feel about being together.


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## katiecrna

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



zookeeper said:


> It's easily more likely that her relationships don't endure because she is jealous and insecure. If she stopped the sex, she would then just be a jealous, insecure woman without great sex.
> 
> 
> 
> So do you really think it's hot sex that is chasing men away? That sound a lot like trying to chase ants away from a picking by pouring sugar on the ground.




Good point. Your right. She's in therapy but sometimes I think jealous people will always be jealous and people with anger problems with always have anger problems etc.


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## jld

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> That's a good observation and I think your right. She has a lot of issues from childhood and she requires a lot to feel safe and loved.


I think a lot of women do.

My next oldest sister is much like your cousin. She was sexually abused growing up, and has never really recovered. 

She will probably never be healthy, never get genuine love. It is really sad.


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## jld

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



katiecrna said:


> Good point. Your right. She's in therapy but sometimes I think jealous people will always be jealous and people with anger problems with always have anger problems etc.


I am not sure we ever entirely outgrow our issues.


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## katiecrna

*&quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*

I guess it's going to take a very very patient man. Technically we all have flaws that our spouses are patient with right? It's hard bc at the end of the day she is a good person, has a great heart but has issues that cause her "crazy" behavior. People view it as controlling, I mean it is controlling but she doesn't do it out of meanness or ill will. God bless patient people who know and understand the heart of people.


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



samyeagar said:


> You know, we have often found some similarities in ourselves and our partners, and I got to wondering how much our ages at the beginning of our relationship have to do with things. With the similarities we all have, there are a few seemingly stark differences that perhaps the years of life experience can explain.
> 
> While you and my wife had similar backgrounds and experiences growing up, a few key differences led to very different lives, yet here we all are at similar places in our lives with similar partners, similar attitudes, similar desires.
> 
> *I do wonder how you or your husband would fare if you found yourself in the dating pool again,* as I did...this is where my wondering about life experience comes in....for myself, what would take me ages to figure out when I was much younger, getting answers to questions, wondering about anothers intentions, basically figuring out a persons character...the years of life experience honed my ability in that regard to come to conclusions in a fraction of the time.
> 
> If any of that makes any sense...


He's told me he'd never seek out another.. not fair to the woman....the kids would be enough.. My guess...I'd be highly disillusioned and wholly disappointed ...I'd have to fight not being vulnerable to trusting too easily , too early.....I could find many who'd want to screw... it would be terribly tempting even... but I'd want so much more... I'd be mourning for what was.. and praying to find something half that good ....


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## MarriedDude

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I married a girl just like her. 

Im pleased with my choice


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## Haiku

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Really nice thoughtful and informative conversation. 

Is there a distinction between what a person enjoys doing in bed with a partner and how easily/quickly they engage in it with someone? In other words is anyone objecting to what the cousin may enjoy during intimacy?


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## Fozzy

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



jld said:


> She sounds controlling.
> 
> She would be happier if she could relax, and just let things happen, not aim for a specific outcome.


It comes from anxiety and insecurity. Relaxing and letting things happen is not as easy as it sounds for this personality type.


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## katiecrna

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Haiku said:


> Really nice thoughtful and informative conversation.
> 
> 
> 
> Is there a distinction between what a person enjoys doing in bed with a partner and how easily/quickly they engage in it with someone? In other words is anyone objecting to what the cousin may enjoy during intimacy?




Are you asking is it the timing or the act? 

For me you asking what she enjoys during intimacy is sticking out to me. My opinion is that she doesn't really enjoy these things herself so much as she thinks that's what guys like, and she enjoys the feeling of "pleasing" her man. She tells me that she loves being desired by her bf. Like that itself is everything, aka she has low self esteem and loves to finally feel good about herself and she does feel good about herself when the guy is desiring her. 
I mean let's be real do girls REALLY like to give BJ and swallow and get facials? I personally don't think so. I think they feel empowered, or they do it bc they think it makes their men happy. I'm not saying that's wrong I think it's nice to love to make your partner happy. 
Men would you love your wife to squirt all over your face when she orgasms? No you probably wouldn't.


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## Haiku

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> Are you asking is it the timing or the act?
> 
> For me you asking what she enjoys during intimacy is sticking out to me. My opinion is that she doesn't really enjoy these things herself so much as she thinks that's what guys like, and she enjoys the feeling of "pleasing" her man. She tells me that she loves being desired by her bf. Like that itself is everything, aka she has low self esteem and loves to finally feel good about herself and she does feel good about herself when the guy is desiring her.
> I mean let's be real do girls REALLY like to give BJ and swallow and get facials? I personally don't think so. I think they feel empowered, or they do it bc they think it makes their men happy. I'm not saying that's wrong I think it's nice to love to make your partner happy.
> Men would you love your wife to squirt all over your face when she orgasms? No you probably wouldn't.


😊 🙈

Ok. I understand better. Thank you.


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## Max.HeadRoom

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I’m not a parent and I’m 49; my thoughts could be way off the mark

I have 5 nieces that are all in their early 20s. in talking to their mothers there is a prevalent hook-up culture and none of them want anything serious. One told her mother that “I just need sex not a guy hanging around”. A guess is that young men in that group are the same. 

Maybe her holding out a bit would keep the players moving on & a different kind of guy sticking around.


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## Fozzy

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> Are you asking is it the timing or the act?
> 
> For me you asking what she enjoys during intimacy is sticking out to me. My opinion is that she doesn't really enjoy these things herself so much as she thinks that's what guys like, and she enjoys the feeling of "pleasing" her man. She tells me that she loves being desired by her bf. Like that itself is everything, aka she has low self esteem and loves to finally feel good about herself and she does feel good about herself when the guy is desiring her.
> I mean let's be real do girls REALLY like to give BJ and swallow and get facials? I personally don't think so. I think they feel empowered, or they do it bc they think it makes their men happy. I'm not saying that's wrong I think it's nice to love to make your partner happy.
> Men would you love your wife to squirt all over your face when she orgasms? No you probably wouldn't.


Hooooo boy, this should generate some traffic.


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## uhtred

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Long long ago I dated a woman who was a self-proclaimed slvt. She LOVED sex, in all its varieties. She had be with a large number of men.

I love would have married her, but our plans for the future were just too different, she wanted kids, a dog and a house, I didn't. Certainly her enthusiasm for sex was in no way a deterrent. 

After living my life with a woman with very little interest in sex, I think people would do well to appreciate those who do enjoy it.

All that said, the OPs cousin is likely doing a bad job of selecting men. She needs to look for men who are attracted to her and for whom good sex is a great bonus, not those who are just looking for sex.


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## SunCMars

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I love to go to the movies. I love action movies.

After seeing them one time I rarely go back again...old Clint Eastwood movies are the exception.

Dating a girl like this would set in motion memories/movies unseen, but imagined. 

I would wonder how many guys got the "Royal", [roiled] treatment. 

When you are [out and about] with this girl and she gets a "Hi" from some guy, you would wonder, "Did she [do him] that way also?"

However, to each his/her own. I would pass on this girl.

Yes, she would be nice to bring along on the back of a cross country motorcycle ride, a ski trip to Steamboat Springs, or to take to the Caribbean. As long as you do not give her your heart. 

Me? I like women too much to take a chance! In reality, those days are gone for me. And not missed.


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## SimplyAmorous

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> A
> I mean let's be real do girls REALLY like to give BJ and swallow and get facials? I personally don't think so. I think they feel empowered, or they do it bc they think it makes their men happy. I'm not saying that's wrong I think it's nice to love to make your partner happy.
> Men would you love your wife to squirt all over your face when she orgasms? No you probably wouldn't.


My husband's never wanted to give me a facial.. he would not understand men like this or what they get out of that.... 

But yes.. I literally get *turned on* giving him BJ's...mostly this is foreplay for us.. so something is in it for me too .. There was a time I couldn't get enough....he didn't have enough erections to satisfy that desire in me.. (this must sound "sex obsessed"... and yeah it was)... that was A LOT of fun !


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## jld

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Fozzy said:


> It comes from anxiety and insecurity. Relaxing and letting things happen is not as easy as it sounds for this personality type.


I agree. But trying to force things to happen does not usually have a good outcome, either.


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## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship?


I can't answer the question until I meet her personally.

What's her number?


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## katiecrna

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

If your a guy dating a girl it's hard to really know what ur sex life will be like 10+ years later if you married. Some women bate and switch. Sometimes women are just super sexual at the beginning of any relationship, it's the novelty, the excitement, the hormones and I think this is most common. I think the only almost guarantee is if your dating someone who doesn't seem to love sex, or be super into it that's a good indication that ur not going to have an amazing wild sex life in 10+ years. 
I think we can all admit that the first couple weeks/months in a relationship are nothing like how they are once you have been married for 10+ years. So it baffles me when people have affairs and leave their wife for their mistress thinking it's going to be any different.


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## katiecrna

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



SimplyAmorous said:


> My husband's never wanted to give me a facial.. he would not understand men like this or what they get out of that....
> 
> But yes.. I literally get *turned on* giving him BJ's...mostly this is foreplay for us.. so something is in it for me too .. There was a time I couldn't get enough....he didn't have enough erections to satisfy that desire in me.. (this must sound "sex obsessed"... and yeah it was)... that was A LOT of fun !




I agree with this. If I'm not in the mood a sure way for me to get into the mood is to give my husband a bj. In fact that is how 95% of our sexual encounters start. Bc it turns me on to get him turned on. Not bc the act itself turns me on. Like I wouldn't suck a dildo to turn myself on.


----------



## Fozzy

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



jld said:


> I agree. But trying to force things to happen does not usually have a good outcome, either.


It depends on what you mean by "force". For things like attachment anxiety and insecurity, these things rarely just go away on their own. They need to be worked through either with therapy or with deliberate mindfulness. That requires the person in question to make deliberate decisions and take action.


----------



## jld

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Fozzy said:


> It depends on what you mean by "force". For things like attachment anxiety and insecurity, these things rarely just go away on their own. They need to be worked through either with therapy or with deliberate mindfulness. That requires the person in question to make deliberate decisions and take action.


What I mean is trying too hard in a relationship. I do not think she should be trying so hard to "catch" and keep a man.

She should be herself and just let things happen. A man who appreciates her for herself would be my hope for her.


----------



## Fozzy

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> If your a guy dating a girl it's hard to really know what ur sex life will be like 10+ years later if you married. Some women bate and switch. Sometimes women are just super sexual at the beginning of any relationship, it's the novelty, the excitement, the hormones and I think this is most common. I think the only almost guarantee is if your dating someone who doesn't seem to love sex, or be super into it that's a good indication that ur not going to have an amazing wild sex life in 10+ years.
> I think we can all admit that the first couple weeks/months in a relationship are nothing like how they are once you have been married for 10+ years. So it baffles me when people have affairs and leave their wife for their mistress thinking it's going to be any different.


Because often, sex is not the main impetus for affairs.


----------



## katiecrna

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



jld said:


> What I mean is trying too hard in a relationship. I do not think she should be trying so hard to "catch" and keep a man.
> 
> 
> 
> She should be herself and just let things happen. A man who appreciates her for herself would be my hope for her.




I agree! And her trying too hard shows her neediness in a man. Which reflects a whole bunch of other issues like self esteem and self worth.


----------



## Fozzy

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



jld said:


> What I mean is trying too hard in a relationship. I do not think she should be trying so hard to "catch" and keep a man.
> 
> She should be herself and just let things happen. A man who appreciates her for herself would be my hope for her.


Yes, I agree with this. She shouldn't be using sex as a way to catch a man. Sex should be for enjoyment, not relationship manipulation. I think OP's sister is probably looking for love in all the wrong places (you will now have this song in your head for hours, you're welcome). If you look in a place where men are likely to want to just hook up, then that's what you're going to get.

If she looks for a match in a place where men are more likely to be looking for a solid relationship anyway--and THEN bangs them until they can't walk--I don't see that as a problem. Her motivations for why she's 'using' sex, rather than 'having' sex I think are a separate issue.


----------



## Married but Happy

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

My wife is very sexual, but she has never been at all indiscriminate about partners. So yes, I'll enthusiastically take an adventurously sl**ty woman in the bedroom, as long as she is intelligent and refined everywhere else. The good girls who carry that attitude into the bedroom are extremely disappointing.


----------



## BobSimmons

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> I'm not a guy I don't know how they think. But I can't imagine one blowing a load in their new girlfriends face and thinking... I want to grow old with her and I want her to be the mother of my children. maybe men don't think like that lol


You're assuming that when people have sex during the act they are thinking the other is suitable for marriage. Usually it's just sex.

It's not the sex, it's the guy's she's hooking up with, do they have conversations, common interests, do they gel socially and intellectually.

A myriad of reasons...rather than the uncouth blow a load into her face... is she telling you this..and this in turn you share on a forum?

hmmm.


----------



## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> I'm not a guy I don't know how they think. But I can't imagine one blowing a load in their new girlfriends face and thinking... I want to grow old with her and I want her to be the mother of my children. maybe men don't think like that lol


It's not that black and white. It's only white. 

It's one of those case by case sorts of things but for sure the woman isn't putting her best foot forward when she lets the guy blow lunch all over her on date #1.


----------



## katiecrna

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Who cares what I say on the forum nobody knows who she is. If you're trying to twist that to make me feel guilty you failed. Yes my cousin and I talk. I give her my obviously biased advice. So I come to this forum to see if men agree with my advice to her of if I'm off base. My intention is to help her. Not exploit her.


----------



## Ynot

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Having read the OP, I really think this may be more about the OP than the cousin. I may have missed it somewhere, but does any of this bother the cousin? She may just enjoy having kinky sex. Does it bother her that she hasn't found the "one"? Perhaps she disagree with the idea of the "one"?
I think sexual compatibility is one of those issues that don't get addressed enough in most relationships. When we first meet someone, we may have so many other compatibilities that we modulate or otherwise make accomodations for the others sexual appetite. Then many years later, we find out about some here to for unknown kink or fetish our partner may or may not enjoy. 
Perhaps your cousin has just decided that getting her kink out in the open sooner is better than later? It isn't that she isn't finding her "one", but more about she is finding her "one" on the basis of false advertising.


----------



## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> Who cares what I say on the forum nobody knows who she is. If you're trying to twist that to make me feel guilty you failed. Yes my cousin and I talk. I give her my obviously biased advice. So I come to this forum to see if men agree with my advice to her of if I'm off base. My intention is to help her. Not exploit her.


You're all good. No clue why the other poster took issue with you sharing a story that does not invade the privacy of an anonymous person.

Feel free to carry on, I like the way you make your points.


----------



## *Deidre*

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I think that if she has sex very soon with a lot of different guys, the guy might think she does that with everyone, and it sounds like she does. It's fine for a ONS, but if she wants something more, the guy will always know that he could have just been anyone she slept with right away. There's nothing special about being with someone who would sleep with any person who is interested, IMO.


----------



## katiecrna

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

My cousin has issues from childhood. Self esteem issues. She has been in therapy for many years. I feel like how she is with sex is self destructive behavior that feels good when she's doing it, but when yet another boyfriend breaks up with her it f*cks her up. All she wants is to find "the one". She has always had self esteem issues and she uses men to try to make herself feel better. And it does, in that moment only.


----------



## *Deidre*

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> My cousin has issues from childhood. Self esteem issues. She has been in therapy for many years. I feel like how she is with sex is self destructive behavior that feels good when she's doing it, but when yet another boyfriend breaks up with her it f*cks her up. All she wants is to find "the one". She has always had self esteem issues and she uses men to try to make herself feel better. And it does, in that moment only.


If she waits to have sex, and just lets herself get to know a guy for a while, it will help her self esteem and help her to find a great guy for a relationship. (since this is the issue she seems to struggle with)


----------



## Married but Happy

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> My cousin has issues from childhood. Self esteem issues. She has been in therapy for many years. I feel like how she is with sex is self destructive behavior that feels good when she's doing it, but when yet another boyfriend breaks up with her it f*cks her up. All she wants is to find "the one". She has always had self esteem issues and she uses men to try to make herself feel better. And it does, in that moment only.


That sounds rather sad for her. Does she have a lot to offer a good man aside from wild sex? If so, then perhaps all she needs to do is slow down a bit with such men, not showing her full range of sexual delights until she and he get to know each other better in other ways as well. I am not saying hide or suppress what she likes, just ramp it up more slowly so other things have time to grow and develop as well.


----------



## Faithful Wife

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> My cousin has issues from childhood. Self esteem issues. She has been in therapy for many years. I feel like how she is with sex is self destructive behavior that feels good when she's doing it, but when yet another boyfriend breaks up with her it f*cks her up. All she wants is to find "the one". She has always had self esteem issues and she uses men to try to make herself feel better. And it does, in that moment only.


There are young men who are similarly messed up in the head but who have a good heart and want to find the one girl he can lavish his love on. Maybe she will find that guy who has the need to pour adoration on a woman and show his desire constantly. Maybe they can both be fulfilled by their neediness in a way that makes them healthier together.

If she doesn't truly enjoy the sex acts you mentioned, then I hope she becomes self aware enough to recognize this and seek to find out what she really does enjoy sexually.

Or if she does also enjoy the sex acts, hopefully she will meet that guy I described and he will love those sex acts, too.


----------



## MJJEAN

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> My cousin is late 20s and has never had problems getting men. The problem is escalating it to a serious relationship.
> I personally think it's bc she LOVES sex and is aggressive and is a "freak" too early in the relationship that men dont respect her and no longer view her as a wife or mother type. So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship? Is this marriage material? It seems from watching her that the relationship starts out so heavy in sex and it stays all about sex and doesn't develop into a more adult serious relationship.


I'm 41, so maybe there is a generation gap or something, but I've always figured regular manual, oral with swallowing, facials, multiple positions, and a little hair pulling/back clawing were vanilla and standard. I wouldn't consider any of that freaky.

For me, sexual compatibility in terms of drive and tastes is very important. I have a healthy drive and, much as I love vanilla, I couldn't live on vanilla alone. I prefer to establish sexual compatibility early on, so I don't see a problem with her timing. If they don't click on all levels, why waste each others time?

DH and I wouldn't have considered each other marriage material if we _weren't_ "freaks". Who wants to have a boring sex life for 50 or 60 years??

Is a woman like your cousin marriage material? Absolutely. The trick is finding a compatible partner. The right man for her will appreciate her sexuality and the rest of her, too.





katiecrna said:


> I mean let's be real do girls REALLY like to give BJ and swallow and get facials? I personally don't think so. I think they feel empowered, or they do it bc they think it makes their men happy. I'm not saying that's wrong I think it's nice to love to make your partner happy.
> Men would you love your wife to squirt all over your face when she orgasms? No you probably wouldn't.


OMG, YES! Yes, women really DO enjoy giving bj's, swallowing, and getting facials. Not all of us, obviously, but some. I can't really explain it properly without getting graphic, but all of the above are total turn-ons, very enjoyable, and hot as hell.

Yes, there are men who find making a woman squirt anywhere on them very hot and consider it to be a huge compliment and turn on.

You mentioned that your cousin doesn't seem to want to talk much with you on this subject. I think you might have to try to wrap your mind around the idea that some sex acts you find unappealing are actually very appealing to some women and really understand that before you'll be able to really understand your cousin and communicate on a deeper level with her.


----------



## Personal

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship?


The answer is yes! To the point that I married two women who did all of that and much more very early on into our relationships. In fact I wouldn't marry anyone who didn't enjoy doing all of that and more.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



samyeagar said:


> Some men do, some men don't. Much like women, it all depends on what is important to them in a relationship, and the trick is picking someone on the same page, looking for the same things.
> 
> For myself, an active and intense sex life is a very important part of any relationship I would want to be in.


Some do, some don't.

Sometimes some women so aggressive can be irritating, especially if it's all "me, me, me" eg saying things like "if you go to work this morning then you don't love me", or if she's literally crawling over you or groping you as you're talking in public or to friends.


----------



## NextTimeAround

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Some possibilities with your cousin:


1. She may be needy. In between these steamy sex sessions, she may be calling the guy too much; showing up at work uninvited; and may be, in general, having a "you owe me now" kind of behavior with these guys.

2. How does she dress and behave in public? If it's provocative, well she's giving a lot away to every guy already. and she's upping the expectations of the guy who will agree to have sex with her. .......so if he was already primed to expect swallowing..... because she does a funny thing with her mouth when she's talking to a target......well, then, a facial isn't that big a leap for the guy on this occasion.

3. As most men will tell you, it's easy to get a guy in bed. So I would not even consider that an accomplishment as a step toward a long term satisfying relationship. Katie, your opening post seemed to suggest that. Your cousin may assume it as well. 

4. She may also have skewed expectations. She may assume that because she can get a "10" in bed that she can get a "10" to the alter or at least in an LTR. 

5. Sadly, your cousin may assume that she's being herself, being authentic, like the relationship and other self-help books tell you to be. A little bit of mystery, detachment and unavailability will go a long way in building an LTR. Not the "you can do my face" routine.


----------



## Thound

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> She wants a serious relationship for sure. She just doesn't get why it never works out. I'm the opposite, I'm a nice Christian girl who believes holding out for the "girl one" is a better approach to winning a respectful man.


Yep married one of them. Stale boring sex for 35 years.


----------



## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

This behaviour is more common in girls who think that with just their personality and looks they can't get a real good looking man.I have never met a girl who would be classed as a nine or a ten who would behave like this,they may but not on a first date.If the girl has self confidence issues whether real or imagined then this behaviour is more common.
If she was given a clean slate so to speak would she act any differently?


----------



## wild jade

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I can relate! It took me a long time to realize the difference between guy totally into having sex with me and guy who actually liked me.

The first category has buckets of options. Almost every guy wants to hang with someone fun, adventurous, sexual for at least a short while. The second category has very few options. That was pretty hard on my ego and I thought there was something wrong with me ... until I realized that the second category is always harder to fill.

Finding that magical combo of someone who was into me that I was also into? I was getting pretty convinced it was impossible. But eventually I met him, and we're 20 years in.


----------



## jimrich

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> Ok this is an embarrassing topic but let me prefaces that this is not about me but my cousin.
> My cousin is late 20s and has never had problems getting men. The problem is escalating it to a serious relationship. I personally think it's bc she LOVES sex and is aggressive and is a "freak" too early in the relationship that men dont respect her and no longer view her as a wife or mother type. So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship? Is this marriage material? It seems from watching her that the relationship starts out so heavy in sex and it stays all about sex and doesn't develop into a more adult serious relationship.


IMO, deep love and FRIENDSHIP can arise in any situation so why separate ****ty sex from those deeper and longer lasting qualities? Why can't a couple deeply love and respect each other NO MATTER what their sexual preferences are? Why is a "****" not a wife, mother or life partner? What does intense, exciting, ****ty sex have to do with being an honorable, respectful and ADEQUATE parent or FRIENDLY wife?
I'd rather have (and did have) a FRIENDLY ****ty sex partner who both loved and respected me than an ignorant square who is utterly incapable of love, respect and FRIENDSHIP (and I've had that as well!).
To each his own! :laugh:


----------



## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Thound said:


> Yep married one of them. Stale boring sex for 35 years.


Live and learn and be surprised that things worked out the way they did.


----------



## bandit.45

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I don't see a woman who does this as a slvt. I mean, I let women cum in my mouth when I'm doing cunnilingus on them. Does that make me a slvt? 

It would be rather rude for me to stop right at the moment of my sex partner's climax. I definitely would probably not get another date with her. 

We have to avoid double standards...in both directions.


----------



## jld

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



bandit.45 said:


> I don't see a woman who does this as a slvt. I mean, I let women cum in my mouth when I'm doing cunnilingus on them. Does that make me a slvt?


Yes.








J/k!


----------



## Haiku

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

😂


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



bandit.45 said:


> Does that make me a slvt?
> 
> .


If you frequently wear assless chaps ... yes ... >


----------



## CharlieParker

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



bandit.45 said:


> Does that make me a slvt?


Slütty sex vs being a slüt, what's the distinction?


----------



## MrsAldi

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



CharlieParker said:


> Slütty sex vs being a slüt, what's the distinction?


If you are married, it doesn't count right?  

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

This is an interesting read for it's conflicting information. 

I remember reading a different thread on TAM where a woman mentioned she had waited longer to have sex with her husband than with her other partners because she really liked him and didn't want to ruin it. Her statement caused a lot of backlash from many male posters who felt like she unfairly made her spouse work hard for something she had freely given away to her previous lovers. 

Now on this thread, we have an extremely sexual woman who is being advised to 'pace herself' sexually with her partners and check her slvttiness as that'll keep her from finding a quality guy. 

Like I said. ...interesting read.



Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


----------



## WorkingOnMe

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Lila said:


> This is an interesting read for it's conflicting information.
> 
> I remember reading a different thread on TAM where a woman mentioned she had waited longer to have sex with her husband than with her other partners because she really liked him and didn't want to ruin it. Her statement caused a lot of backlash from many male posters who felt like she unfairly made her spouse work hard for something she had freely given away to her previous lovers.
> 
> Now on this thread, we have an extremely sexual woman who is being advised to 'pace herself' sexually with her partners and check her slvttiness as that'll keep her from finding a quality guy.
> 
> Like I said. ...interesting read.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk




The situation from the other thread you mention would be a total deal breaker for me. I'd never advise the op's cousin to do that.


----------



## Thound

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



browser said:


> Live and learn and be surprised that things worked out the way they did.


I hung in there because i love her very much, and i made a promise to her and God. See im a good Christian boy.


----------



## NextTimeAround

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Lila said:


> This is an interesting read for it's conflicting information.
> 
> I remember reading a different thread on TAM where a woman mentioned she had waited longer to have sex with her husband than with her other partners because she really liked him and didn't want to ruin it. Her statement caused a lot of backlash from many male posters who felt like she unfairly made her spouse work hard for something she had freely given away to her previous lovers.
> 
> Now on this thread, we have an extremely sexual woman who is being advised to 'pace herself' sexually with her partners and check her slvttiness as that'll keep her from finding a quality guy.
> 
> Like I said. ...interesting read.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


Let me see if I can explain the difference:

If we could talk directly to the OP's cousin, some of us would advise her to stop altogether getting her freak on a with a guy until she started seeing a little bit more steadily. That is, stop that freaky stuff with all guys until one identifies himself and someone who wants to see her longer and with regularity. That's not the same as denying your date sex altogether.

As for the other thread -- and we may be thinking of the same one -- the majority opinion / advice there was that it was not wise or fair to continue having sex with other men while withholding sex from the guy that she saw a future with........ who most likely then was treating her the best. If you're going to have sex at all with anybody, why would you withhold it from the guy who was doing all the right things for an LTR ---something which you're deciding you want with him.


Let's look at this from the opposite direction:

You're dating a guy with whom you see a future. For that reason, you decide it's about being a good sport to share expenses with your guy......... even though he makes 4 or 5 times the amount that you do (or you're not working due to health reasons, [[chemotherapy, as in my case]] AND he has no dependents or other obligations.

Then you find out when he goes to see his female friends, he actually makes an effort to go to the cash machine so he's never hassling his female friends to "get" something for him because the cost is so small he can't be bothered to use his credit card; he hands over cash for taxi fares; closes 3 figure bar tabs for the gang and well, pays for everything.

The female friends have boyfriends or are very openly dating other guys........ and yet your guy tells you "I'm withholding on you because I care about you more........."

When you know what the deal is........ how much longer would you put up with it.....


----------



## NextTimeAround

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

OP, you don't say how you know about your cousins advanced but regular sex techniques in bed.

I know that sometimes cousins can be closer than sisters........ but seriously, does she freely go into that much detail with other people?


----------



## Lila

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



NextTimeAround said:


> Let me see if I can explain the difference:
> 
> If we could talk directly to the OP's cousin, some of us would advise her to stop altogether getting her freak on a with a guy until she started seeing a little bit more steadily. That is, stop that freaky stuff with all guys until one identifies himself and someone who wants to see her longer and with regularity. That's not the same as denying your date sex altogether.


You misunderstood me. I completely understand the OP and some of the 'pacing' advice given. I still find it ironic. 



NextTimeAround said:


> As for the other thread -- and we may be thinking of the same one -- the majority opinion / advice there was that it was not wise or fair to continue having sex with other men while withholding sex from the guy that she saw a future with........ who most likely then was treating her the best. If you're going to have sex at all with anybody, why would you withhold it from the guy who was doing all the right things for an LTR ---something which you're deciding you want with him.


We're thinking of different threads. The posts I'm thinking about came from a long time TAM poster. She was not dating anyone else when she started dating her husband. She still got flamed. She shut that fire down with a statement that fits perfectly with this thread. Don't hate the player.......hate the game. 

--------------------

OP, I asked my husband your question and his response was in line with the folks on here stating that if she's a good and kind person of character, then a confident man will see the slvtty sex as a positive. 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


----------



## moth-into-flame

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Sounds like fun. My concern, whether or not it's a legit concern or not I don't know - would be that she wouldn't be faithful. Her aggressiveness and "****iness" could be perceived as a propensity to stepping out because she's so high drive she can't be satiated. 

After being cheated on by my exww, I have serious trust issues and therefore I'm just not looking for a ltr. If I ever do get into a ltr, she would have to be high drive, as I am. My current FWB is like your cousin - loves sex and is into all that. If I had ltr feelings for her, that wouldn't hold me back from being with her in that way.

But, that kind of drive probably scares a lot of men.


----------



## Thor

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Lila said:


> This is an interesting read for it's conflicting information.
> 
> I remember reading a different thread on TAM where a woman mentioned she had waited longer to have sex with her husband than with her other partners because she really liked him and didn't want to ruin it. Her statement caused a lot of backlash from many male posters who felt like she unfairly made her spouse work hard for something she had freely given away to her previous lovers.
> 
> Now on this thread, we have an extremely sexual woman who is being advised to 'pace herself' sexually with her partners and check her slvttiness as that'll keep her from finding a quality guy.
> 
> Like I said. ...interesting read.


I had the same thought and knew this would come up eventually in this thread. But I see it differently than you do.

In the other thread there was a woman who really liked sex a lot, and got her freak on with men she had no intentions of marrying. But when she met a guy she thought was good marriage material, she hid her sex freak and her past history from him in order to give a false impression of being the "good girl" she thought he was looking for. Iow, she was pretending to be something she was not in order to get him to do what she wanted (marry her). She was lying about who she was and what her history was, which took from him the ability to make an informed decision about whom he was marrying.

She was dishonest so she could use him for what he could provide, which was a stable husband, father, and bankroll.

In this thread we have a woman who it appears has a bad picker, and/or she has some kind of problem with emotional connections. She mistakes the hot sex with a close emotional relationship. She fools herself somehow, thinking things are going great with these men because of the hot sex, when in fact either they are only using her or they are unsatisfied with the lack of emotional connection. So the advice here is for her to stop the quick leap to hot sex in order for her to see better what the relationship is or is not. If her picker is bad, she will quickly see the guy lose interest in her. If she is failing at the emotional connection in relationships, it will become apparent to her.

This thread is about her learning herself to be better at relationships. It is not about her tricking some guy into not knowing about her slvtty sex freak desires.

Presumably she learns how to pick men better and learns how to engage in a close fun relationship. At that point she could turn on the freak early in a relationship without it masking fatal problems in the relationship.


----------



## NextTimeAround

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Thor said:


> I had the same thought and knew this would come up eventually in this thread. But I see it differently than you do.
> 
> In the other thread there was a woman who really liked sex a lot, and got her freak on with men she had no intentions of marrying. B*ut when she met a guy she thought was good marriage material, she hid her sex freak and her past history from him in order to give a false impression of being the "good girl" she thought he was looking for. Iow, she was pretending to be something she was not in order to get him to do what she wanted (marry her). She was lying about who she was and what her history was, which took from him the ability to make an informed decision about whom he was marrying.*
> 
> She was dishonest so she could use him for what he could provide, which was a stable husband, father, and bankroll.
> 
> In this thread we have a woman who it appears has a bad picker, and/or she has some kind of problem with emotional connections. She mistakes the hot sex with a close emotional relationship. She fools herself somehow, thinking things are going great with these men because of the hot sex, when in fact either they are only using her or they are unsatisfied with the lack of emotional connection. So the advice here is for her to stop the quick leap to hot sex in order for her to see better what the relationship is or is not. If her picker is bad, she will quickly see the guy lose interest in her. If she is failing at the emotional connection in relationships, it will become apparent to her.
> 
> This thread is about her learning herself to be better at relationships. It is not about her tricking some guy into not knowing about her slvtty sex freak desires.
> 
> Presumably she learns how to pick men better and learns how to engage in a close fun relationship. At that point she could turn on the freak early in a relationship without it masking fatal problems in the relationship.


It's a bad idea to be something that you're not. What if that guy IS the one who wants someone freaky.


----------



## Yeswecan

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

My wife is a lady in the parlor and a wh0re in the bedroom. She has been a bit freaky since we dated. Married 21 years now. And she is even more so freaky.


----------



## TAMAT

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Katie,

Your cousin is in a tough spot.

When she has sex quickly with a man the man may presume that she has been with lots of other men, this is not a turn off for every man, but she just reduced her dating pool by 50% perhaps more.

She can play hard to get, but this is dishonest and not who she is, and lying is a poor way to start a relationship. 

Even once she finds the kind of man looking for a long term she might have to be dishonest with him about her past, again not a firm foundation for a new relationship. 

Tamat


----------



## samyeagar

TAMAT said:


> Katie,
> 
> Your cousin is in a tough spot.
> 
> When she has sex quickly with a man the man may presume that she has been with lots of other men, this is not a turn off for every man, but she just reduced her dating pool by 50% perhaps more.
> 
> She can play hard to get, but this is dishonest and not who she is, and lying is a poor way to start a relationship.
> 
> Even once she finds the kind of man looking for a long term she might have to be dishonest with him about her past, again not a firm foundation for a new relationship.
> 
> Tamat


She does not need to, nor should she lie about her past. However she does need to understand and accept that her behavior will also limit her dating pool.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I disagree with @TAMAT - she should not hide her sexual past to get a man - if he is the type of man this matters to, it will destroy the relationship when it is ultimately exposed. No man wants to play the fool and that is what she would be doing.

I don't know the answer. I'm a lot older but it's not like we didn't have sex in my day. But my friends who fooled around with a lot of girls didn't really take them seriously. Yes, they were amazing and hot and freaky... but the guys were also hot and freaky and liked to bang lots of girls.

If you read His Needs Her Needs, you see respect and admiration right behind sex in most guys Needs. And this is really the issue for many guys.

How can a guy know she admires him or respects him if she demonstrates her sexuality that readily in a new relationship?

A lot of guys (and women) like to put their partner on a pedestal. And they want to believe she thinks he's amazing and the best, etc.

No guy will tell you this, but it's the same reason guys have such a hard time getting over a PA compared to women. They can't help wonder what the OM was like; did she prefer him; was he better or bigger or last longer; whatever insecurities the guy has are amplified. But the reason has to do with him wanting her respect and admiration as well as his insecurities. She has demonstrated he's just another sexual partner, and that's a killer for a lot of guys.

Knowing your woman has enough sexual experience and appetite to get that into it right away exposes these fears and insecurities. I suspect that's what keeps many guys from committing.

Personally, for me it's about her insecurities. If she jumps in that far and that fast, what would make me believe she wouldn't move on as quickly. I wouldn't be able to trust someone like that without getting to know her and really building trust. I would have a hard time respecting someone like that.

It's not politically correct these days to say these things but I'm sure a lot of guys feel this way. My 2 boys are freshmen in college; one is in amazing shape, good looking and very smart but doesn't date even though he knows lots of girls. They want to get drunk and are more aggressive about it, and though they're friends, I know he doesn't respect their choices. So a guy like that would be out of the question as a mate even though those same girls hang onto him like they have a chance.

I would say pick guys that aren't out for NSA sex, talk about sex and relationships and get to know the guys, hold off on the non-vanilla sex for a bit and ramp it up as the relationship takes off. This way she is building up the sexual relationship along with the non-sexual relationship. It might add the emotional component she's missing.

Idk good luck. I think a lot of girls who are out getting their freak on assuming they'll find a nice engineer to settle down with later will be sorely disappointed when their past and character rules this possibility out.




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----------



## uhtred

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

A man who enjoys sex would do well to marry a woman who enjoys sex - and the easiest way to know she enjoys it is if she has voluntarily be sexually active. 

Other things being equal, I'd far rather risk being with a woman who had been with a better endowed lover in the past, than be with a woman who it turns out really doesn't like sex very much. Heck, I'll take the occasional affair, over a sexless marriage.


----------



## Faithful Wife

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



uhtred said:


> A man who enjoys sex would do well to marry a woman who enjoys sex - and the easiest way to know she enjoys it is if she has voluntarily be sexually active.
> 
> Other things being equal, I'd far rather risk being with a woman who had been with a better endowed lover in the past, than be with a woman who it turns out really doesn't like sex very much. *Heck, I'll take the occasional affair, over a sexless marriage*.


Huh?


----------



## uhtred

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Some posters seemed to be implying that a slvtty woman, or a woman who greatly enjoys sex might be more willing to cheat. I was responding that given the choice, I would prefer a marriage with a series of affairs to one that was sexless.

I don't know whether or not people with hither sex drives cheat more often, but in the limit it seems there is probably a correlation. An asexual person is very unlikely to have a sexual affair.




Faithful Wife said:


> Huh?


----------



## Faithful Wife

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



TheTruthHurts said:


> Idk good luck. I think a lot of girls who are out getting their freak on assuming they'll find a nice engineer to settle down with later will be sorely disappointed when their past and character rules this possibility out.


I totally respect your opinion. But who do you think nice engineers (male or female) who are also ****ty freaks want to marry? Why, other ****ty freaks, of course.

Shared sexual values and compatibility are IMPORTANT, for sure, but no one is right or wrong here. There is someone for everyone. There are a zillion lifestyle choices and sexual styles a couple can match up very well on. It is only when there is a mismatch that there is a problem. I don't feel it is fair to shame people for any lifestyle choice, however. I mean, again I respect your opinion and even the part that you are kind of shaming others for because I understand that there is not the intent to shame behind it. But you are still essentially saying "you can't have a good man if you are a bad girl". And the "bad girl" part is purely about her sexual behavior, that's the shame-y part. Whereas, please trust me, there are MANY men who really do want a bad girl and who will truly LOVE HER as she is.

I agree there should be no deception of any kind. By that I mean, a person's past and lifestyle choices, IMO, should be shared with any potential new partner. Not details, just general information. 

Now if you were a lying, cheating, scoundrel in the past...I assume you wouldn't necessarily come clean, so therefore, we are always at risk of someone just blatently pulling the wool over our eyes, if that is their intent. If a lying, cheating scoundrel makes their way into your life, sometimes you really had no way of knowing this beforehand. It happens. But just having lots of sexual experience of the super sl*tty kind doesn't necessarily mean this person was cheating, lying or a scoundrel. 

I think most adults can and do navigate this area pretty well when coupling up. Most understand the need for compatibility and try to get it...even if they end up being wrong or things change for the worse later, most people thought they were coupling with someone who was compatible.

There are sl*tty boys and girls, and more chaste boys and girls, and every type in between...and plenty for all to find their match.

In the case of OP's cousin...

If OP is correct and the cousin doesn't actually like doing this sl*tty stuff and if she is just trying to get a man to love her through a misguided attempt at throwing sex at men just to nab them...then I wish for her to get more self aware and not try to find a man this way. It isn't authentic. But she doesn't know that yet. She will likely learn after a few more heartbreaks.

If OTOH OP's cousin is just a fun girl and really wants to be this sexual and really doesn't need to have an established emotional connection first before playing in the sl*tty zone, then more power to her and may she find her Prince Charming Freak.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

*&quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



Faithful Wife said:


> I totally respect your opinion. But who do you think nice engineers (male or female) who are also ****ty freaks want to marry? Why, other ****ty freaks, of course.
> 
> Shared sexual values and compatibility are IMPORTANT, for sure, but no one is right or wrong here. There is someone for everyone. There are a zillion lifestyle choices and sexual styles a couple can match up very well on. It is only when there is a mismatch that there is a problem. I don't feel it is fair to shame people for any lifestyle choice, however. I mean, again I respect your opinion and even the part that you are kind of shaming others for because I understand that there is not the intent to shame behind it. But you are still essentially saying "you can't have a good man if you are a bad girl". And the "bad girl" part is purely about her sexual behavior, that's the shame-y part. Whereas, please trust me, there are MANY men who really do want a bad girl and who will truly LOVE HER as she is.
> 
> I agree there should be no deception of any kind. By that I mean, a person's past and lifestyle choices, IMO, should be shared with any potential new partner. Not details, just general information.
> 
> Now if you were a lying, cheating, scoundrel in the past...I assume you wouldn't necessarily come clean, so therefore, we are always at risk of someone just blatently pulling the wool over our eyes, if that is their intent. If a lying, cheating scoundrel makes their way into your life, sometimes you really had no way of knowing this beforehand. It happens. But just having lots of sexual experience of the super sl*tty kind doesn't necessarily mean this person was cheating, lying or a scoundrel.
> 
> I think most adults can and do navigate this area pretty well when coupling up. Most understand the need for compatibility and try to get it...even if they end up being wrong or things change for the worse later, most people thought they were coupling with someone who was compatible.
> 
> There are sl*tty boys and girls, and more chaste boys and girls, and every type in between...and plenty for all to find their match.
> 
> In the case of OP's cousin...
> 
> If OP is correct and the cousin doesn't actually like doing this sl*tty stuff and if she is just trying to get a man to love her through a misguided attempt at throwing sex at men just to nab them...then I wish for her to get more self aware and not try to find a man this way. It isn't authentic. But she doesn't know that yet. She will likely learn after a few more heartbreaks.
> 
> If OTOH OP's cousin is just a fun girl and really wants to be this sexual and really doesn't need to have an established emotional connection first before playing in the sl*tty zone, then more power to her and may she find her Prince Charming Freak.




Not shaming at all. But I also don't have a problem identifying and "naming" slvtty behavior. It's entirely possible to appropriately name and identify without judgement. It's the "political correctness" movement that forbids the truth at times.

So let's just be honest and acknowledge that words have meaning. Slvtty to me means getting your freak on with little discrimination regarding emotional commitment and the existence of a relationship. Frankly I think most can accept a similar definition. Maybe not. But let's get down into the details if we're going to have a thoughtful dialog.

My point wasn't that sexually indiscriminate people won't find love and a relationship with each other. Of course they will. And they won't judge each other (hopefully) for it. And all will be well in their lives.

However.... MANY boys and girls assume they can cut loose, sow their wild oats, sleep around, etc. and THEN fall back on a stable, solid guy who chose NOT to toss aside discrimination and interpersonal relationships and just have sex. THATs the disconnect. And let's also be honest and acknowledge this happens all the time - to men and women alike - people get juggidy with other "carefree souls" and expect to fall back on reliable and somewhat boring but stable and motivated men. 

For many, myself included, it's unappealing and sexually unattractive to be indiscriminate and enjoy NSA random sex. Unappealing. Like a guy who loves really skinny chicks being hit in by a 350 lb woman. Or a guy who is a chubby chaser being hit on by a toothpick supermodel. Not his thing. Not interested. Not that it's objectively "bad" but that's never going to happen. You might call that "judgement" but I call it comparability and attraction.

So of course we all judge at some level. It's not shaming to say that is unappealing to us.

I'm saying that a guy or girl who is acting out and slvtting around ASSUMING someone who doesn't find this appealing will somehow be available to them later is only deceiving themselves.

Btw this has nothing to do with sexual appetite, freakiness between the sheets, etc. which can definitely happen in a "boring" committed relationship - it has to do with appeal and character and how character is evaluated. Some believe sexual past should be considered when evaluating character and others don't. I'm not judging, per se. I'm respecting people's rights to their values and opinions. And I know many DO consider this and that's their right. And I hope people understand that when making decisions.

[and for the record I have advised son to "hit that" a number of times - girls that are touching him and very interested - but that's not his thing. So I get it and I hope kids realize sexual attitudes and behavior are considered by many in choosing a partner]



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----------



## TheTruthHurts

*&quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*

To clarify - wordy posts from me previously but rereading them I'm not being clear - sex itself isn't what I'm talking about. Sexual freakiness isn't either.

Slvtty behavior to me isn't the act it's the indiscriminate part. They get commingled in a lot of discussions.

In any committed or even "sort of" committed and exclusive relationship - I don't care what goes on. In OPs case her cousin should ramp the freakiness up a little more slowly as a strategy only to get a better guy. But if someone is just hooking up - that's the part that will be an issue for many. 

Hopefully that's clearer




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----------



## alexm

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



katiecrna said:


> I personally think that she is so sexual bc she is insecure, and she has crazy jealousy issues. She has this horrible view that men who cheat on their gf or wives is bc they weren't sexually fulfilling which I disagree with. She feels like it's her duty and responsibility to fully satisfy her man which I personally don't think that's possible. She is the type of person who gets so mad if she finds out that her man masterbates or watches porn, she views this as almost like cheating behavior.
> She believes to keep a man or to make a man happy it's all about sex.


That's not a bad thing, as long as she realizes there's more to a relationship and keeping her man happy. If she only focuses on that one thing, then men figure out quickly she has little more to offer.

This is like a guy thinking his partner/wife can be kept happy by buying her things, and nothing else.

In an ideal world, most of us men would want a partner like her, but who also has more to offer. Many of us here on TAM have the opposite problem - wives who are great in 42 other areas, but lacking in this one. Your cousin has the sexual side figured out, but not much else, it seems.

On a related note, many women go through periods like this, mainly when they're younger. Then they learn. Clearly some don't. My wife would reluctantly admit that she went through a period where she thought the easy way to a man's heart was through his penis. It's part self-esteem (or lack thereof) and part false-logic. You can definitely attract men this way, but keeping them is another story. My wife learned this the hard way, and it didn't take her too long, fortunately. In other words, it's the easy way, with relatively minimal effort, and it DOES work, but only for a short time.

There's nothing wrong with using sex as PART of attracting a mate - as long as two other things occur: you offer more than just sex AND you maintain it throughout the relationship (ie. it's not a bait and switch, fake interest, whatever). Your cousin probably really LIKES sex, so the maintaining it would not be an issue. It's showing men that she has more to offer than just that that's the key for her. But if she thinks that's all she's worth, then she's in trouble. Again, my wife learned this when she was younger, that she has more to offer than just her body.


----------



## alexm

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> That's a good observation and I think your right. She has a lot of issues from childhood and she requires a lot to feel safe and loved.


And there are men out there who want a relationship in which they can be the 'protector' and want to make their partner feel safe and loved.

In my own personal experience, I don't mind needy women (to a point, of course). It's likely because I'm slightly needy, too  There's a fine line, obviously, but desiring a partner who needs you and one who you need is perfectly normal.

Both my marriages have been to borderline extremely independent women, although my first marriage did not start out that way. When she and I were happiest were when our 'neediness' levels were equal for each other. Not overboard, mind you, just 'there'. My current wife has been independent since the get-go, and although I actually really admire it, there's also something lacking. She's almost too independent, and I often feel as though I'm simply not required. I don't want to be joined at the hip or anything, but at the same time, I require some sort of acknowledgement that I'm a big part of her life. I go through stretches where I'm lonely, but that's my cross to bear.


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## ne9907

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



alexm said:


> And there are men out there who want a relationship in which they can be the 'protector' and want to make their partner feel safe and loved.
> 
> In my own personal experience, I don't mind needy women (to a point, of course). It's likely because I'm slightly needy, too  There's a fine line, obviously, but desiring a partner who needs you and one who you need is perfectly normal.
> 
> Both my marriages have been to borderline extremely independent women, although my first marriage did not start out that way. When she and I were happiest were when our 'neediness' levels were equal for each other. Not overboard, mind you, just 'there'. My current wife has been independent since the get-go, and although I actually really admire it, there's also something lacking. She's almost too independent, and I often feel as though I'm simply not required. I don't want to be joined at the hip or anything, but at the same time, I require some sort of acknowledgement that I'm a big part of her life. I go through stretches where I'm lonely, but that's my cross to bear.


Your post gave me DejaVu.... maybe you and I have spoken about this before...


----------



## Faithful Wife

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



TheTruthHurts said:


> Type 1. However.... MANY boys and girls assume they can cut loose, sow their wild oats, sleep around, etc. and THEN fall back on a stable, solid guy
> 
> Type 2. .....who chose NOT to toss aside discrimination and interpersonal relationships and just have sex. THATs the disconnect.
> 
> And let's also be honest and acknowledge this happens all the time - to men and women alike - people get juggidy with other "carefree souls" and expect to fall back on reliable and somewhat boring but stable and motivated men.


I do understand what you are saying. I just think that you sound as if you feel more "right" or "righteous" because of your opinion. You seem to think there is a "more right" opinion, and yours is it.

You've described two types of people above, 1. those who cut loose, sow their wild oats, sleep around, and 2. those who do NOT toss aside discrimination and interpersonal relationships and just have sex. Gee, doesn't it kind of sound like you are saying type 1 are lesser quality people than type 2? Why yes, yes it does. And no matter how many other ways you try to twist it, that's still what you are saying.

Ok, its your opinion and all. I just disagree that type 1 and type 2 people are so different and I disagree that one type is more moral or valuable than the other.

As to "let's be honest"....I honestly don't know what you are talking about. I have never, ever heard a sl*tty girl say that she is going to sow her oats now and marry someone who is NOT LIKE HER later. EVER!!! I guess maybe if you are talking about generations past? I don't know. 

But I've known a lot of sl*tty girls and boys and none of them EVER talked about finding someone who is different than they are. In fact, normally, my sl*tty friends complain that they can't find a man who is fun/sexy/sexual/skilled enough for them for an LTR. Not once have I ever heard one say "I just can't wait to find me a man who never sowed any wild oats....right after I'm done sowing mine". 

Then of course, you describe the type 2 people as "reliable and somewhat boring".

I don't understand why you equate sexual behavior with things like reliable or not reliable and boring or not boring. Its as if you think being sl*tty is something like sky diving, like it is simply an adventure seeking thing. But being extremely sexual (which to me does not necessarily also imply having lots of partners) is just the way life is for some people. It is their sexuality, not some game and scheme for adventure. It is their fulfillment and can be completely healthy and beautiful...but you seem to paint it all with one brush.

I've known fun sexual freaks who were also "boring and reliable" as far as the outside world knows them, who are loyal and faithful spouses and hard workers. Type 1.

I've known reliable and boring people with little to no previous sexual experience who have cheated on their spouse and devastated two families at once. Type 2.

I don't see any reason to try to label people's entire personality and value system just based on their sexual activities. Being sl*tty doesn't make someone a bad person and not being sl*tty doesn't make someone a good person.


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## BetrayedDad

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship? Is this marriage material?


Okay... tell your "cousin" :wink2: Hell yes, where do I sign up?!? Sounds like my dream girl!

Only two potential issues I see:

1) She's overtly sexual with other men (ie flirty, touchy etc.). It needs to stay in the bedroom.

2) She turns ice cold after the wedding and the well runs dry. Then I just feel duped.

My girlfriend is very classy outwardly to others and also very kinky in bed. I'm head over heels atm.


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## TheTruthHurts

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



Faithful Wife said:


> I do understand what you are saying. I just think that you sound as if you feel more "right" or "righteous" because of your opinion. You seem to think there is a "more right" opinion, and yours is it.
> 
> You've described two types of people above, 1. those who cut loose, sow their wild oats, sleep around, and 2. those who do NOT toss aside discrimination and interpersonal relationships and just have sex. Gee, doesn't it kind of sound like you are saying type 1 are lesser quality people than type 2? Why yes, yes it does. And no matter how many other ways you try to twist it, that's still what you are saying.
> 
> Ok, its your opinion and all. I just disagree that type 1 and type 2 people are so different and I disagree that one type is more moral or valuable than the other.
> 
> As to "let's be honest"....I honestly don't know what you are talking about. I have never, ever heard a sl*tty girl say that she is going to sow her oats now and marry someone who is NOT LIKE HER later. EVER!!! I guess maybe if you are talking about generations past? I don't know.
> 
> But I've known a lot of sl*tty girls and boys and none of them EVER talked about finding someone who is different than they are. In fact, normally, my sl*tty friends complain that they can't find a man who is fun/sexy/sexual/skilled enough for them for an LTR. Not once have I ever heard one say "I just can't wait to find me a man who never sowed any wild oats....right after I'm done sowing mine".
> 
> Then of course, you describe the type 2 people as "reliable and somewhat boring".
> 
> I don't understand why you equate sexual behavior with things like reliable or not reliable and boring or not boring. Its as if you think being sl*tty is something like sky diving, like it is simply an adventure seeking thing. But being extremely sexual (which to me does not necessarily also imply having lots of partners) is just the way life is for some people. It is their sexuality, not some game and scheme for adventure. It is their fulfillment and can be completely healthy and beautiful...but you seem to paint it all with one brush.
> 
> I've known fun sexual freaks who were also "boring and reliable" as far as the outside world knows them, who are loyal and faithful spouses and hard workers. Type 1.
> 
> I've known reliable and boring people with little to no previous sexual experience who have cheated on their spouse and devastated two families at once. Type 2.
> 
> I don't see any reason to try to label people's entire personality and value system just based on their sexual activities. Being sl*tty doesn't make someone a bad person and not being sl*tty doesn't make someone a good person.




Ok I'll break it down for you a bit more.

#2 - ABSOLUTELY non slvtty people are better quality people than slvtty people. No question in my mind. The reason has NOTHING to do with sex. That's perhaps the nuance you are not picking up.

The slvtty people I've known and known of - many of them guys BTW - are impulsive, attention seeking, needy, and are higher up in the narcissism scale. As in the take risks by hooking up indiscriminately, and have no qualms about working someone for sex then leaving.

This isn't about morality, it's about character.

Maybe in my 50 plus years I just haven't run into the people of high character that have high risk NSA sex with lots of people and are caring people. Or maybe they're all very discrete (which I'm not ruling out BTW but I suspect this isn't the case).

#2 - there are several active threads here where the BS has just discovered they are married to a serial cheater and had no idea. This place filters for weaker, "nice boring guys" so I have NO idea how you can possibly say these people (men and women) don't slvt around then become born again virgins and choose a nice guy or girl to marry. And manipulate hoping their past doesn't come out.

#3 - I fully support freaky, wild sex, role play, bdsm, bob, water sports, even 3-somes for the rare (IMO) couple that is close enough to make that work. All in some sort of relationship that is exclusive. I believe "poly" is a cop out cake eating excuse for people who are with "Mr Right Now" as opposed to "Mr Right". I even have no problem with FWB if both are completely on board, one isn't going along hoping for more, and it isnt 1 of 20 concurrent FWB situations (which is just putting lipstick on slvtty behavior IMO)

#4 - of COURSE I'm certain of my opinion and believe I'm right. I'm a man and I'm not a weak man. I have the characteristics and confidence of conviction that we ask the BS of TAM to acquire or emulate. What do you expect 



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----------



## TheTruthHurts

*&quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*

And OP this isn't a thread jack - whether I'm right or wrong doesn't matter - there are many who feel as I do and your cousin could be limiting her options if she displays some of these behaviors.

If she just really enjoys sex inside an exclusive relationship, and doesn't hook up outside of relationships, then she should figure out how to talk about sex inside the relationship and get that point across. It could be that people assume she's easy when she's really not

And since people normally don't openly talk about sex, they make assumptions that are often wrong. That's why the dialog between me and @Faithful Wife should show you how differently people can see these things.


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## Faithful Wife

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



TheTruthHurts said:


> *ABSOLUTELY non slvtty people are better quality people than slvtty people.*


Everything after this just being a rationale for judging people, it was irrelevant. But the bolded is relevant. It is your opinion that you are able to judge others, even people you do not know nor know the circumstances of and do not know the behaviors of, you will label people as sl*tty for your own criteria even if you don't know if they fit into it or not. And you, of course, are a much better human being than all of them.

Got it.


----------



## uhtred

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*

The slvtty woman I dated long ago (she described herself with that term), has been married for at least 20 years now. They have 2 kids, one an extremely difficult special needs kid. As far as I know she has dedicated her life to her children and her husband. And he has done so for her.

Life has not treated her well, but she has done everything I could ever expect from a good moral person.

Thinking about her almost makes me cry. We didn't stay together because she wanted kids - it really was or only (but we agreed insurmountable) difference. Her special needs child is extremely difficult - he is dangerously violent and requires constant watching. She has chosen not to institutionalize him when most people would have done so. The result though has been a terribly unhappy life for her - caused by the one thing she most cared about. She at one point mentioned how she wished she had never had children. 






TheTruthHurts said:


> snip
> 
> #2 - ABSOLUTELY non slvtty people are better quality people than slvtty people. No question in my mind. The reason has NOTHING to do with sex. That's perhaps the nuance you are not picking up.
> 
> The slvtty people I've known and known of - many of them guys BTW - are impulsive, attention seeking, needy, and are higher up in the narcissism scale. As in the take risks by hooking up indiscriminately, and have no qualms about working someone for sex then leaving.
> 
> This isn't about morality, it's about character.
> 
> snip


----------



## TheTruthHurts

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



Faithful Wife said:


> Everything after this just being a rationale for judging people, it was irrelevant. But the bolded is relevant. It is your opinion that you are able to judge others, even people you do not know nor know the circumstances of and do not know the behaviors of, you will label people as sl*tty for your own criteria even if you don't know if they fit into it or not. And you, of course, are a much better human being than all of them.
> 
> 
> 
> Got it.




lol why are you so upset? Why do you think judgement is a bad thing? It's not. Relativism is cancerous to critical thinking. Some things are better than other things. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Red Sonja

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



TheTruthHurts said:


> Relativism is cancerous to *critical thinking*.


Your thought process concerning this subject is NOT critical thinking.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



Red Sonja said:


> Your thought process concerning this subject is NOT critical thinking.




Au contraire. You just don't like my judgments. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## wild jade

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



TheTruthHurts said:


> lol why are you so upset? Why do you think judgement is a bad thing? It's not. Relativism is cancerous to critical thinking. Some things are better than other things.


At least relativism is less cancerous to critical thinking than self-righteous judgment


----------



## wild jade

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Faithful Wife said:


> In the case of OP's cousin...
> 
> If OP is correct and the cousin doesn't actually like doing this sl*tty stuff and if she is just trying to get a man to love her through a misguided attempt at throwing sex at men just to nab them...then I wish for her to get more self aware and not try to find a man this way. It isn't authentic. But she doesn't know that yet. She will likely learn after a few more heartbreaks.
> 
> If OTOH OP's cousin is just a fun girl and really wants to be this sexual and really doesn't need to have an established emotional connection first before playing in the sl*tty zone, then more power to her and may she find her Prince Charming Freak.


It's rarely so black and white, at least IME. I was never one to do things I didn't want to do to "nab" a man, and really do enjoy being sexual. At the same time, that need for sex and fun and adventure led me to do some things that .... well.... weren't exactly smart or healthy. 

Definitely self awareness is key, and we should be having sex because we want to, not because they think that it will make someone fall in love. 

I find it interesting, though, to see all the "but she's limiting her options" slvt shaming. Well, yeah, duh, of course she's limiting her options -- and thank goodness for that. The slvt wants to keep certain types out of her dating pool just as much as the moralizer.


----------



## wild jade

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



uhtred said:


> The slvtty woman I dated long ago (she described herself with that term), has been married for at least 20 years now. They have 2 kids, one an extremely difficult special needs kid. As far as I know she has dedicated her life to her children and her husband. And he has done so for her.
> 
> Life has not treated her well, but she has done everything I could ever expect from a good moral person.
> 
> Thinking about her almost makes me cry. We didn't stay together because she wanted kids - it really was or only (but we agreed insurmountable) difference. Her special needs child is extremely difficult - he is dangerously violent and requires constant watching. She has chosen not to institutionalize him when most people would have done so. The result though has been a terribly unhappy life for her - caused by the one thing she most cared about. She at one point mentioned how she wished she had never had children.


Yes, I've had a very colorful past, but I've been married for 20 years now, and never strayed. Indeed, I've never cheated on anyone, ever. Or lied and pretended to be something I'm not. Or used sex to manipulate.


----------



## alexm

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



ne9907 said:


> Your post gave me DejaVu.... maybe you and I have spoken about this before...


It's possible!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not 'needy' in the sense that most people here are thinking. It's hard to accurately portray what I mean by typing.

I just believe that a successful relationship requires each person to need each other. As I said, the first half of my relationship with my ex wife was ideal in this way. We preferred to be together, but not at ALL times. We shared similar interests, did many things together, and generally WANTED to be with one another. We also did things on our own, or with other people of course, but not with the sole purpose of having our own space.

My current wife is very much like that - needs her space, and clearly becomes agitated when she goes stretches without it. I respect that, but at the same time, when she gets to that point, she gets somewhat snarky with me. I don't. I embrace the time together, even when I'd rather be alone or doing something else. I figure the day will come when one of us IS alone, so I prefer to enjoy the time with each other, rather than become agitated that she's around. Same with the kids. They annoy the crap out of me/us quite often, but the time will come when we only see them every few weeks, if not less.

For me, as well, I want somebody to want/need me to do things. Not obsessively (like my ex wife and her 'chore charts' and endless honey-do list...) but somebody who DOES rely on me for things. My wife simply doesn't. I'm supposed to just do what needs to be done, and if I didn't, she does it herself. There's very little appreciation for what I do, as well. Even my naggy ex wife, in her rare moments of not being self-absorbed, would tell me she appreciated me. My current wife has the mantra of "just do it". Why reward somebody for something they're supposed to do, any way?

Even though marriages are not supposed to be about tit-for-tat and keeping score, they actually really are, and I think we all know that. Happy wife = happy life is the same in reverse. If one trudges through a marriage without any accolades, appreciation, or dangling carrots, then what's the pay-off?


----------



## alexm

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



BetrayedDad said:


> Okay... tell your "cousin" :wink2: Hell yes, where do I sign up?!? Sounds like my dream girl!
> 
> Only two potential issues I see:
> 
> 1) She's overtly sexual with other men (ie flirty, touchy etc.). It needs to stay in the bedroom.
> 
> 2) She turns ice cold after the wedding and the well runs dry. Then I just feel duped.
> 
> My girlfriend is very classy outwardly to others and also very kinky in bed. I'm head over heels atm.


I don't often agree with your black/white views on many things, but this one, absolutely 

My wife is very trustworthy, I'm not concerned about that. However, she has gone through periods in her life (including when we started dating many years ago) where her self-esteem/self-worth was tied to attracting men via her sexuality. Even after we started dating, her flirtiness continued with others. I believe she became accustomed to this type of attention, even though she's not a sexual person to begin with. But it's how she learned to garner attention from men. By the time she was 20, she had already been in two relationships that lasted 3 years each, if you can believe it. She didn't WANT numerous boyfriends, she truly wanted to settle down.

Ironically enough, she only ever wanted a real partner, a husband, somebody to love her and for her to love. Once she was comfortable that she found that in me, that part of her died, which is unfortunate. So for her, sex and sexuality had always been the first step in finding a mate. Even with a repeated lack of success, it was all she knew. She has talked about 'feeling used' in the past, and she most definitely put 2 and 2 together, yet she continued this way. She literally went periods of a year or two (several times) being completely celibate, because she knew this approach didn't work, but that approach didn't, either.

It took her about 6 months of dating me, exclusively, to even begin to imagine a future with me, or more - to trust me that I wasn't just in it for the sex. I can almost exactly pinpoint the moment this happened. Up until then, she was sexually aggressive with me (which I didn't mind!), but it was almost overboard at times. During sex, she would say things like "**** me! **** me hard". At first, I was right into that. But over time, it almost sounded like she was on a loop, and that she was talking like that because she thought *I* wanted her to. I told her, gently, that although I very much liked that kind of enthusiasm, that it wasn't necessary for my sake, and it's like a weight was lifted off of her. I can't explain it. It was a gamble on my part, I most definitely could have made her feel self-conscious about it, but I was right. See, the more time I spent with her, the more I realized that that kind of thing wasn't really "her".

In retrospect, I regret and also NOT regret bringing that up. On on hand, I'm glad I allowed her to be herself, as it were. On the other, it got the ball rolling (downhill) to the point where she no longer equates sex and sexuality with a successful marriage (no matter how much I tell her it is...). In other words, she went from one extreme to the other. Sex was how she got and kept a man, to "it's not nearly as important as I always thought". I have myself to blame for this, and I know it. But the alternative was living with someone who felt she had to be a certain type - which was not her - to have a successful relationship. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Sadly, it's not that she doesn't like sex - she does. It's that she expended all that energy when she probably didn't have to. It's like the guy who goes to the gym regularly, attracts lots of women, yet none of them are interested in LTRs or marriage. He finally meets a woman who likes him for HIM, tells him he doesn't have to be so fit, she loves him for other reasons - so he lets himself go. He got comfortable with the fact that somebody loves him for HIM, not just his body. The thing is, she meant it, she IS attracted to him for many other reasons. But ALSO liked his body... Sigh.


----------



## bandit.45

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

alexm,


Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine.


----------



## NextTimeAround

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



wild jade said:


> It's rarely so black and white, at least IME. I was never one to do things I didn't want to do to "nab" a man, and really do enjoy being sexual. At the same time, that need for sex and fun and adventure led me to do some things that .... well.... weren't exactly smart or healthy.
> 
> Definitely self awareness is key, and we should be having sex because we want to, not because they think that it will make someone fall in love.
> 
> *I find it interesting, though, to see all the "but she's limiting her options" slvt shaming.* Well, yeah, duh, of course she's limiting her options -- and thank goodness for that. The slvt wants to keep certain types out of her dating pool just as much as the moralizer.


Maybe there is a better way to express it. But the problem with finding the one is that person is a whole package of variables just as you are. Think about men who insist on model thin looks or someone who's just got to have big tits attached to his wife. We would say that that guy is imiting his options because 1) not all model thin women have the other desirable qualities that make for an LTR and 2) not all model thin women are going to find this guy worthy of an LTR.......no matter how worthy he is.

and it's the same with sex, OP's cousin is not going to choose a guy simply because he likes coming on her face. At least, I hope not. But for a package of other reasons...... most of them good ones, I hope.

No one is saying that this woman should stop having sex before marriage, just deay sex a bit to the 3 or 4th date and to delay all that freaky stuff....... making sure he actually appreciates it every step of the way.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



wild jade said:


> At least relativism is less cancerous to critical thinking than self-righteous judgment




What are my beliefs not as valid as yours. Why in the world is critical thinking and assessment of character self-righteous? That's amazingly self-righteous of you to declare my beliefs invalid.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



bandit.45 said:


> alexm,
> 
> 
> Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine.


Not seeing why you'd have that sort of reaction to the post in question.

Except for her not showing him as much appreciation as he'd like, and her sex drive not being as strong as it was originally, not seeing a problem here. Certainly not one to off yourself over.


----------



## uhtred

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

People take all sorts of risks for fun - jumping off cliffs with bat-suits, driving race cars etc. I think sexual risks should be viewed in the same light. As long as people are aware of the risks, they are free to take them. 

That said, many young people are not good at risk management- so they do things like jump off of cliffs in bat suits. 


I completely agree that people who enthusiastically enjoy sex are much better "limiting" their options to partners who also enthusiastically enjoy sex.




wild jade said:


> It's rarely so black and white, at least IME. I was never one to do things I didn't want to do to "nab" a man, and really do enjoy being sexual. At the same time, that need for sex and fun and adventure led me to do some things that .... well.... weren't exactly smart or healthy.
> 
> Definitely self awareness is key, and we should be having sex because we want to, not because they think that it will make someone fall in love.
> 
> I find it interesting, though, to see all the "but she's limiting her options" slvt shaming. Well, yeah, duh, of course she's limiting her options -- and thank goodness for that. The slvt wants to keep certain types out of her dating pool just as much as the moralizer.


----------



## Faithful Wife

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



uhtred said:


> People take all sorts of risks for fun - jumping off cliffs with bat-suits, driving race cars etc. I think sexual risks should be viewed in the same light. As long as people are aware of the risks, they are free to take them.
> 
> That said, many young people are not good at risk management- so they do things like jump off of cliffs in bat suits.


I personally don't equate wild, fun sex with extreme risk taking sports. I don't see the correlation. But maybe you are talking about sexual risks I hadn't thought of, like doing it on scaffolding outside of a 20-story window.

I'm generally a fairly low risk taking type of person, when it comes to physical things. I would never do sky diving or bungee jumping. Not even those kinds they have set up at carnivals, which must be safe or else they wouldn't have them there, right? No way I would do that. Mostly I'm just afraid of heights.

I'm also pretty risk averse to being around too many strangers or being in a strange place. I like to feel secure. I don't like ferris wheels because they go too damn high.  But I kind of don't like carnivals in general, because "stranger danger".   

And yet, compared to my peers and almost anyone I've talked to about it, I've had the wildest sexual life of anyone I encounter. Even though some of them HAVE been sky diving and jumped off cliffs in bat suits.

Now, to be fair to myself, being a gymnast, there are certain things I would do in that sport that would certainly be extremely risky to anyone who wasn't trained in that sport. Running as fast as you can toward a large basically immovable object, then jumping on a spring board and then hurtling your body toward it, just as one example of a risky behavior I've done and still would do (vault exercise). But I learned from gymnastics NOT to take risks on trying things you aren't capable of at this time or without the proper spot by a coach, and landing pads. So while I love the adrenaline pumping through my veins when I am doing my sport, I never ever take risks in it that I can see in advance.


----------



## jb02157

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

As you say, what you describe is not a serious adult relationship. I wouldn't take anybody like this seriously.


----------



## ne9907

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



jld said:


> I think a lot of women do.
> 
> My next oldest sister is much like your cousin. She was sexually abused growing up, and has never really recovered.
> 
> *She will probably never be healthy, never get genuine love. It is really sad*.


THis is sad.... very sad... I feel as this could be my future. I am actually working towards being content with this fate.


----------



## jld

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



ne9907 said:


> THis is sad.... very sad... I feel as this could be my future. I am actually working towards being content with this fate.


(((ne9907)))


----------



## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Repost sorry.


----------



## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> I'm not a guy I don't know how they think. But I can't imagine one blowing a load in their new girlfriends face and thinking... I want to grow old with her and I want her to be the mother of my children. maybe men don't think like that lol


I think Hallmark have a card for this occasion.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Actually I did have a girlfriend who hopped off just as I was about to finish and took me orally. And the first thing I thought was I want to marry this woman.


----------



## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



WorkingOnMe said:


> Actually I did have a girlfriend who hopped off just as I was about to finish and took me orally. And the first thing I thought was I want to marry this woman.


Yeah I married her too. I realized way too late that I was thinking with the wrong head.


----------



## alexm

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



browser said:


> Not seeing why you'd have that sort of reaction to the post in question.
> 
> Except for her not showing him as much appreciation as he'd like, and her sex drive not being as strong as it was originally, not seeing a problem here. Certainly not one to off yourself over.


Because she's not a woman he'd give the time of day to, let alone marry - and that's okay - and that I 'put up with it', I suppose.

The way I come across here, about my wife, is probably much harsher sounding than it is in real life. The way I make it sound is the antithesis of most men's choice for a partner. While my issues with her are valid, and worthy of my time here on TAM, to some people here, it's black and white - fish or cut bait.

I'm not the only one here on TAM with a wife like this. Another regular poster is married to what could be my wife's twin sister, lol. I have literally double checked the name next to some of his posts to make sure it wasn't mine originally, and I had forgotten about it.

FWIW @browser, my wife doesn't have a sex drive, she's asexual (also something some folks here will debate, but I digress). Her "sex drive" was due to her recognizing that it's an important part of finding a mate, as well as relationships. As I said, I kind of shot myself in the foot (see the post in question) by telling her she doesn't need to be like that... sigh. I made my bed, lesson learned, all of that.

All good.


----------



## alexm

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



bandit.45 said:


> alexm,
> 
> 
> Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine.


Sooo... I should talk about her more?


----------



## TheTruthHurts

*&quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



katiecrna said:


> Ok this is an embarrassing topic but let me prefaces that this is not about me but my cousin.
> My cousin is late 20s and has never had problems getting men. The problem is escalating it to a serious relationship. I personally think it's bc she LOVES sex and is aggressive and is a "freak" too early in the relationship that men dont respect her and no longer view her as a wife or mother type. So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship? Is this marriage material? It seems from watching her that the relationship starts out so heavy in sex and it stays all about sex and doesn't develop into a more adult serious relationship.




So let's get back to you @katiecrna. What do you think of the dialog so far? You've gotten lots of opinions.

You've said she has low self esteem and probably does this to keep a man. You've indicated above that the relationship stays all about sex.

Regardless of people's opinions about the nature of the sex, I see the low self esteem and lack of other relationship development being really key here.

Can I ask a few questions?

Do you think she tries to develop the relationship non-sexually? 

Does she try to go on dates that require talking and getting to know each other? 

Does she go out as a couple with other friends and shoot the bull or whatever she and her friends normally do? 

Does she even have girlfriends that she hangs around with?

How long do her relationships generally last?

Where does she meet these guys?

Does she ever get into a relationship with someone she first develops a friendship with (like coworker, neighbor, friend of a friend)?






Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## uhtred

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I was thinking of sexual activities that involve significant physical risk. 

Picking-up strangers - risk or assault / rape. Unprotected sex - risk of disease. 

There is lots of exciting fun sex that is not risky, and that is all good. I'm just saying that in addition there is some exciting sex that does have real risks - and I'm OK with people who decide to take those risks as long as they do so knowingly. 





Faithful Wife said:


> I personally don't equate wild, fun sex with extreme risk taking sports. I don't see the correlation. But maybe you are talking about sexual risks I hadn't thought of, like doing it on scaffolding outside of a 20-story window.
> 
> I'm generally a fairly low risk taking type of person, when it comes to physical things. I would never do sky diving or bungee jumping. Not even those kinds they have set up at carnivals, which must be safe or else they wouldn't have them there, right? No way I would do that. Mostly I'm just afraid of heights.
> 
> I'm also pretty risk averse to being around too many strangers or being in a strange place. I like to feel secure. I don't like ferris wheels because they go too damn high.  But I kind of don't like carnivals in general, because "stranger danger".
> 
> And yet, compared to my peers and almost anyone I've talked to about it, I've had the wildest sexual life of anyone I encounter. Even though some of them HAVE been sky diving and jumped off cliffs in bat suits.
> 
> Now, to be fair to myself, being a gymnast, there are certain things I would do in that sport that would certainly be extremely risky to anyone who wasn't trained in that sport. Running as fast as you can toward a large basically immovable object, then jumping on a spring board and then hurtling your body toward it, just as one example of a risky behavior I've done and still would do (vault exercise). But I learned from gymnastics NOT to take risks on trying things you aren't capable of at this time or without the proper spot by a coach, and landing pads. So while I love the adrenaline pumping through my veins when I am doing my sport, I never ever take risks in it that I can see in advance.


----------



## bandit.45

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



alexm said:


> Sooo... I should talk about her more?


I guess if you hate me that much....


----------



## bandit.45

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



browser said:


> Not seeing why you'd have that sort of reaction to the post in question.
> 
> Except for her not showing him as much appreciation as he'd like, and her sex drive not being as strong as it was originally, not seeing a problem here. Certainly not one to off yourself over.


When the person only wants to vent, without doing anything to change their situation, and then coming back to vent and vent some more...it gets frustrating for some of us. But that is a threadjack for another day.


----------



## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



bandit.45 said:


> When the person only wants to vent, without doing anything to change their situation, and then coming back to vent and vent some more...it gets frustrating for some of us. But that is a threadjack for another day.


Is this a vent about people who vent?


----------



## NextTimeAround

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



WorkingOnMe said:


> Actually I did have a girlfriend who hopped off just as I was about to finish and took me orally. And the first thing I thought was I want to marry this woman.


What number date was that?


----------



## BetrayedDad

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



bandit.45 said:


> When the person only wants to vent, without doing anything to change their situation, and then coming back to vent and vent some more...it gets frustrating for some of us.


Well you just described a solid 80% of the people on this forum so if it's making you suicidal than maybe that's something you want to address....

Like I've said before, it's still worth offering advice because even if these "venters" don't take it maybe some poor lost soul anonymous reader will.


----------



## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



BetrayedDad said:


> Well you just described a solid 80% of the people on this forum so if it's making you suicidal than maybe that's something you want to address....


The vents aren't what's making @bandit.45 suicidal.

He announced his plans to off himself and explains all the reasons on this thread here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relationships-spirituality/350538-will-suicide-bar-me-heaven.html


----------



## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



NextTimeAround said:


> What number date was that?


She hopped off his d!ck and took it in her mouth at the perfect moment.

I doubt it was a date, more likely it was 10 minutes after meeting her in a bar, in the alleyway out back.


----------



## bandit.45

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



browser said:


> The vents aren't what's making @bandit.45 suicidal.
> 
> He announced his plans to off himself and explains all the reasons on this thread here:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relationships-spirituality/350538-will-suicide-bar-me-heaven.html


I think you're on to something there....


----------



## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



bandit.45 said:


> I think you're on to something there....


It's not really that hard to figure out that you're a miserable guy who sees no future beyond age 60, when you post a detailed thread about contemplating your own self inflicted demise.


----------



## BetrayedDad

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



browser said:


> The vents aren't what's making @bandit.45 suicidal.
> 
> He announced his plans to off himself and explains all the reasons on this thread here:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relationships-spirituality/350538-will-suicide-bar-me-heaven.html


Yeah I saw that thread. It's a little melodramatic. 

I'm convinced some consistent pvssy would fix his attitude.


----------



## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



bandit.45 said:


> I guess if you hate me that much....


Did you ever ask that woman with the scary tattoo out.


----------



## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



BetrayedDad said:


> Yeah I saw that thread. It's a little melodramatic.
> 
> I'm convinced some consistent pvssy would fix his attitude.


Not a solution. From what @bandit.45 has to say, the closest he'll ever get to consistent pvssy is the local animal shelter.


----------



## bandit.45

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



browser said:


> Not a solution. From what @bandit.45 has to say, the closest he'll ever get to consistent pvssy is the local animal shelter.[/QUOTE}
> 
> Hey your'e funny.


----------



## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



browser said:


> She hopped off his d!ck and took it in her mouth at the perfect moment.
> 
> I doubt it was a date, more likely it was 10 minutes after meeting her in a bar, in the alleyway out back.


When I was living in Boston there was a girl in the lab who would blow anyone,give a handjob,give what we used to call a titty ride or do anal with anybody who as much as bought her a drink.She would not have normal intercourse with anybody because she wanted to in her own words "keep herself pure for her future husband".


----------



## bandit.45

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



browser said:


> It's not really that hard to figure out that you're a miserable guy who sees no future beyond age 60, when you post a detailed thread about contemplating your own self inflicted demise.


No no, it was really more a contemplation of self-euthanasia and the morality surrounding it. Has nothing to do with misery, but rather living past one's usefulness and quality of life.


----------



## bandit.45

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Andy1001 said:


> Did you ever ask that woman with the scary tattoo out.


No. No tats.


----------



## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



bandit.45 said:


> No. No tats.


Hey that's my story.lol.


----------



## BetrayedDad

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Agreed. Repelled by tatted up women also.


----------



## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



BetrayedDad said:


> Agreed. Repelled by tatted up women also.


I cancelled my fcukin wedding over the mere threat of one.


----------



## KaraBoo0723

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



SimplyAmorous said:


> My husband's never wanted to give me a facial.. he would not understand men like this or what they get out of that....
> 
> But yes.. I literally get *turned on* giving him BJ's...mostly this is foreplay for us.. so something is in it for me too .. There was a time I couldn't get enough....he didn't have enough erections to satisfy that desire in me.. (this must sound "sex obsessed"... and yeah it was)... that was A LOT of fun !




Yes! I love giving my hubby BJs. He can ask any time and I will not refuse or rain check him. Feeling him respond and knowing that it's bc of me can actually bring me to the edge of orgasm. Due to my HD and his decreased sensation in one side of the groin, frequently when I am too aroused to sleep he will help me TCB -- and although he doesn't usually ask and some days says he's exhausted , I will BJ him every time 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



SimplyAmorous said:


> My husband's never wanted to give me a facial..


Shame on them.


----------



## 225985

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Andy1001 said:


> I cancelled my fcukin wedding over the mere threat of one.


On the right woman the right tattoo can be hot.

Wife has a very small on one her foot. I am not a controlling husband that says she cannot have a tattoo.


----------



## TooNice

*&quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*

I'd also like to know how your cousin is meeting men. I feel like I have some common ground with her, but I'm 20 years older!

I was married for 20+ years and would have considered myself vanilla in the bedroom. I also had some weight and self esteem issues during those years, but had a HD husband who (I thought) was patient and worked to bring me out a little. But unbeknownst to me, he sought sex elsewhere. Even when I reached a healthy weight and began to actually enjoy my body, he had one foot out the door. The whole time, I was utterly faithful to him, never even flirting with other men. 

Now that I'm divorced, I look and feel better than I ever have in my life. But finding quality men is difficult. The ones I do go out with are great, but it seems they all want to have sex. That's the end game of most dates I've been on-it doesn't matter their profession, their age... the dating scene today feeds instant gratification. 

My problem? I like men. I like sex. So if something starts, it's hard to stop it, because frankly, I don't always want to. And I'm not vanilla anymore.

I know you've said your cousin has self esteem issues. I don't think I do. I'm smart, attractive, successful... but I can't seem to find a LTR, either.

But what I do know is that I'm fairly certain I won't find my LTR on a dating app. If that's where your cousin is looking, maybe she should try something else, too?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## alexm

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



bandit.45 said:


> When the person only wants to vent, without doing anything to change their situation, and then coming back to vent and vent some more...it gets frustrating for some of us. But that is a threadjack for another day.


You see it as venting. I see it as using my experience (past and current) as potentially some help to others.

Sorry it annoys you.

Back to the original thread!


----------



## TheTruthHurts

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



TooNice said:


> I'd also like to know how your cousin is meeting men. I feel like I have some common ground with her, but I'm 20 years older!
> 
> I was married for 20+ years and would have considered myself vanilla in the bedroom. I also had some weight and self esteem issues during those years, but had a HD husband who (I thought) was patient and worked to bring me out a little. But unbeknownst to me, he sought sex elsewhere. Even when I reached a healthy weight and began to actually enjoy my body, he had one foot out the door. The whole time, I was utterly faithful to him, never even flirting with other men.
> 
> Now that I'm divorced, I look and feel better than I ever have in my life. But finding quality men is difficult. The ones I do go out with are great, but it seems they all want to have sex. That's the end game of most dates I've been on-it doesn't matter their profession, their age... the dating scene today feeds instant gratification.
> 
> My problem? I like men. I like sex. So if something starts, it's hard to stop it, because frankly, I don't always want to. And I'm not vanilla anymore.
> 
> I know you've said your cousin has self esteem issues. I don't think I do. I'm smart, attractive, successful... but I can't seem to find a LTR, either.
> 
> But what I do know is that I'm fairly certain I won't find my LTR on a dating app. If that's where your cousin is looking, maybe she should try something else, too?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




Have you had set ups from friends? That can be a real filtering mechanism


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## alexm

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



TooNice said:


> I'd also like to know how your cousin is meeting men. I feel like I have some common ground with her, but I'm 20 years older!
> 
> I was married for 20+ years and would have considered myself vanilla in the bedroom. I also had some weight and self esteem issues during those years, but had a HD husband who (I thought) was patient and worked to bring me out a little. But unbeknownst to me, he sought sex elsewhere. Even when I reached a healthy weight and began to actually enjoy my body, he had one foot out the door. The whole time, I was utterly faithful to him, never even flirting with other men.
> 
> Now that I'm divorced, I look and feel better than I ever have in my life. But finding quality men is difficult. The ones I do go out with are great, but it seems they all want to have sex. That's the end game of most dates I've been on-it doesn't matter their profession, their age... the dating scene today feeds instant gratification.
> 
> My problem? I like men. I like sex. So if something starts, it's hard to stop it, because frankly, I don't always want to. And I'm not vanilla anymore.
> 
> I know you've said your cousin has self esteem issues. I don't think I do. I'm smart, attractive, successful... but I can't seem to find a LTR, either.
> 
> But what I do know is that I'm fairly certain I won't find my LTR on a dating app. If that's where your cousin is looking, maybe she should try something else, too?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I think the biggest difference between you and OP's cousin is that you've been married and settled down - she hasn't. It sounds as though you're making up for lost time, as it were (something I would probably do if I were in your shoes, too, I totally admit!)

I think you're probably enjoying yourself, more or less, whereas she's genuinely frustrated at not being able to land a man.

One thing that kind of sticks out to me in this thread is that I've always kind of heard that whole thing about finding your partner when you're not expecting it, or not specifically searching for one, at least. If you have this singular goal of finding a mate, then you'll tend to do the whole 'throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks' approach.

Maybe I'm a poor example, but from the age of 16 onwards, I've never gone more than a few months without a girlfriend (or wife...). I'm not sure that's a great thing, mind you, but all the same. But I can't say that I was actually searching for a girlfriend each time - they all kind of just happened. The handful of times I've set my sights on a specific girl, no dice. And in reverse, the handful of times a girl went hard after me, I wasn't interested.


----------



## wild jade

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



alexm said:


> I think you're probably enjoying yourself, more or less, whereas she's genuinely frustrated at not being able to land a man.


I can't speak for TooNice or her level of enjoyment, but I can say that IME at any rate, these two things aren't mutually exclusive. I have enjoyed myself quite a lot, and also been genuinely frustrated that all my encounters were short term, and it seemed impossible to find someone to make that LTR work.

Just because the OP's cousin is frustrated doesn't mean she isn't also making the most of what there is available. Back in the day, I too really longed for the chance to develop real intimacy with someone, but in the meanwhile certainly didn't want to sit around lonely and bored.


----------



## TooNice

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



wild jade said:


> I can't speak for TooNice or her level of enjoyment, but I can say that IME at any rate, these two things aren't mutually exclusive. I have enjoyed myself quite a lot, and also been genuinely frustrated that all my encounters were short term, and it seemed impossible to find someone to make that LTR work.
> 
> 
> 
> Just because the OP's cousin is frustrated doesn't mean she isn't also making the most of what there is available. Back in the day, I too really longed for the chance to develop real intimacy with someone, but in the meanwhile certainly didn't want to sit around lonely and bored.




Exactly!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## alexm

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



wild jade said:


> I can't speak for TooNice or her level of enjoyment, but I can say that IME at any rate, these two things aren't mutually exclusive. I have enjoyed myself quite a lot, and also been genuinely frustrated that all my encounters were short term, and it seemed impossible to find someone to make that LTR work.
> 
> Just because the OP's cousin is frustrated doesn't mean she isn't also making the most of what there is available. Back in the day, I too really longed for the chance to develop real intimacy with someone, but in the meanwhile certainly didn't want to sit around lonely and bored.


Very true.

I'm just saying that (as per OP's post) she's specifically doing this to get a man, rather than for her own enjoyment. Obviously it's second-hand information and projection on OP's part (perhaps she truly does enjoy the things she's doing).

Basically OP's cousin is engaging in crazy porn sex to land a man as her priority. TooNice is the reverse, and is simply enjoying herself, with the hopes that she can settle down again at some point.

I was agreeing with her, in that if I found myself in that position, my priority would be me and enjoying whatever comes along. If that meant an LTR at some point, then great. If not, then I'd continue enjoying myself.


----------



## alexm

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



wild jade said:


> I can't speak for TooNice or her level of enjoyment, but I can say that IME at any rate, these two things aren't mutually exclusive. I have enjoyed myself quite a lot, and also been genuinely frustrated that all my encounters were short term, and it seemed impossible to find someone to make that LTR work.
> 
> Just because the OP's cousin is frustrated doesn't mean she isn't also making the most of what there is available. Back in the day, I too really longed for the chance to develop real intimacy with someone, but in the meanwhile certainly didn't want to sit around lonely and bored.


I also wanted to add that my wife would likely agree with this (OMG, he's talking about his wife again!)

From what she's said, she also only ever wanted to settle down, yet constantly found herself in similar situations. She's not proud of her experience and past, but also doesn't regret it. In the times that she 'gave up' and remained celibate for long periods of time, she also hit that wall and required intimacy of some sort and felt lonely, and the cycle would start again - searching for a partner. I don't get the impression that she was ever particularly desperate for one, but she also didn't want to be alone.

I brought this up (and my previous post in this thread) because I believe my wife was similar in some ways to OP's cousin, minus the overt desperation and frustration at not finding a long-term partner. As I said previously, she also seemed to have this idea that she had to be a certain way in bed, and that the end justified the means. I regret bringing that up to her, for selfish reasons, but I don't regret it because I'd much rather she be herself than something fake.

Genuine sexual enthusiasm and sl***iness is awesome, fake - notsomuch. I was right about my wife, and that's fine. (I wish I wasn't, TBH, but oh well). I love her for many, many other reasons, so it doesn't matter much in the long run.

This is what this thread is about - whether OP's cousin is truly enjoying herself and doing the things she's doing for real, or solely to get a man. It's impossible to know, unless you're in her shoes. My posts are solely based on my (also second-hand, those of my wife) experiences. Maybe OP's cousin IS really like that, and would continue to be should she find a partner. Or maybe she's like my wife, and once she has, it's no longer necessary. Who knows?


----------



## ne9907

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



wild jade said:


> I can't speak for TooNice or her level of enjoyment, but I can say that IME at any rate, these two things aren't mutually exclusive. I have enjoyed myself quite a lot, and also been genuinely frustrated that all my encounters were short term, and it seemed impossible to find someone to make that LTR work.
> 
> Just because the OP's cousin is frustrated doesn't mean she isn't also making the most of what there is available. Back in the day, I too really longed for the chance to develop real intimacy with someone, but in the meanwhile certainly didn't want to sit around lonely and bored.


True that~

I am a self proclaimed ****. I do what I like. If I have feelings for a man, whether long term or not, I will give him a lot of pleasure. ugh... I have the flu... cant human properly.


----------



## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



blueinbr said:


> On the right woman the right tattoo can be hot.
> 
> Wife has a very small on one her foot. I am not a controlling husband that says she cannot have a tattoo.


I have neve seen a woman whose looks were improved by a tattoo.However to each his own.When My then fiancée and me had the fight over the tattoo the way I looked on it was this,she knew I hated tattoos but she was still going to get one in a very prominent place.So even though we had had had a terrible fight she was still going to do it.I would then be reminded every day for the rest of my married life that she basically told me fcuk you.How do you forget a fight with your wife and move on if she throws it in your face every day that she did something you hated and knew you hated it.Thats too big a fcuk you for me to get over.


----------



## uhtred

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Choose your battles. I'm not generally a fan of tattoos, but I think that in some cases they can be a very nice look. That said, if my wife wanted a tattoo, I would not view it as a personal affront - she has every right to style herself as she wishes. Similarly if I decide I do or do now want a beard, it is *my* decision. I'm certainly happy to listen to and consider my wife's opinion, but she doesn't get to tell me what to do. 


Tattoos also covers a wide range (NPI). They can be a single subtle one somewhere discrete, or it can be a substantial part of the body with wild bold tattoos. I find the wild ones to be OK, if combined with leather jackets, motorcycles, and a tendency to bring riding crops to bed....... (again people can decorate themselves however they want, this is just my personal preference). 





Andy1001 said:


> I have neve seen a woman whose looks were improved by a tattoo.However to each his own.When My then fiancée and me had the fight over the tattoo the way I looked on it was this,she knew I hated tattoos but she was still going to get one in a very prominent place.So even though we had had had a terrible fight she was still going to do it.I would then be reminded every day for the rest of my married life that she basically told me fcuk you.How do you forget a fight with your wife and move on if she throws it in your face every day that she did something you hated and knew you hated it.Thats too big a fcuk you for me to get over.


----------



## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



uhtred said:


> Choose your battles. I'm not generally a fan of tattoos, but I think that in some cases they can be a very nice look. That said, if my wife wanted a tattoo, I would not view it as a personal affront - she has every right to style herself as she wishes. Similarly if I decide I do or do now want a beard, it is *my* decision. I'm certainly happy to listen to and consider my wife's opinion, but she doesn't get to tell me what to do.
> 
> 
> Tattoos also covers a wide range (NPI). They can be a single subtle one somewhere discrete, or it can be a substantial part of the body with wild bold tattoos. I find the wild ones to be OK, if combined with leather jackets, motorcycles, and a tendency to bring riding crops to bed....... (again people can decorate themselves however they want, this is just my personal preference).


I don't just hate tattoos,I have a phobia about them.Let me put it like this,imagine a type of food that you really hate,something that turns your stomach just thinking about it.Well imagine having to eat that food everyday for the rest of your life.Thats how I felt about my then fiancée getting a tattoo.


----------



## 225985

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Andy1001 said:


> I have neve seen a woman whose looks were improved by a tattoo.However to each his own.When My then fiancée and me had the fight over the tattoo the way I looked on it was this,she knew I hated tattoos but she was still going to get one in a very prominent place.So even though we had had had a terrible fight she was still going to do it.I would then be reminded every day for the rest of my married life that she basically told me fcuk you.How do you forget a fight with your wife and move on if she throws it in your face every day that she did something you hated and knew you hated it.Thats too big a fcuk you for me to get over.




I like you Andy. 

But here this. 

One way to interpret what you just wrote is that you don't like to be challenged. She challenged you and you ended the engagement. You threw money at her to make yourself feel better but nevertheless you control all aspects of your life, business and pleasure. 

Didn't you say you are ruthless in business?

Just one possibility.


----------



## Andy1001

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



blueinbr said:


> I like you Andy.
> 
> But here this.
> 
> One way to interpret what you just wrote is that you don't like to be challenged. She challenged you and you ended the engagement. You threw money at her to make yourself feel better but nevertheless you control all aspects of your life, business and pleasure.
> 
> Didn't you say you are ruthless in business?
> 
> Just one possibility.


If you're talking about the tattoo then I will tell you I have a genuine phobia about tattoos.Strangely,I don't care if someone has one it's the thought of someone close to me getting one that I hate.
I can only assume that you are suggesting I control all aspects of Js life,you seem to have a misprint.I am having trouble with my thread and can't seem to access the last page but I know you suggested on Sunday that I did manipulate J as she said at the counselling session.I will ask you now what I asked then.

Did I manipulate J into almost losing her business to bankruptcy?
I never got involved in her business until she had effectively lost it.And I paid her four hundred thousand dollars over the independent valuation.She returned this but my point is I didn't have anything to do with her financial problems.

J is now very close to my friend Ally.Did I manipulate her mother into calling Ally freeloading pervert or a fcukin queer?

J is pregnant as you know.Did I magically impregnate her so I could make her want to come back to me?
She has always wanted me back,that is the only certainty I have about our relationship.

Did I force her entire family to not only miss thanksgiving dinner but also not to text or call her to let her know?
I had conversations with her father trying to get him to call around to see her and the boy and he agreed but then backed out.

I'm not trying to fall out with you here but you were the fire person to call J a keeper and reckoned we would be married in the near future,now you seem to have taken the opposite view and I'm not really sure why.As for business,I can be ruthless but when you swim with sharks you need to be a great white.


----------



## Mrs.Sav

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



TheTruthHurts said:


> Ok I'll break it down for you a bit more.
> 
> #2 - ABSOLUTELY non slvtty people are better quality people than slvtty people. No question in my mind. The reason has NOTHING to do with sex. That's perhaps the nuance you are not picking up.
> 
> The slvtty people I've known and known of - many of them guys BTW - are impulsive, attention seeking, needy, and are higher up in the narcissism scale. As in the take risks by hooking up indiscriminately, and have no qualms about working someone for sex then leaving.
> 
> This isn't about morality, it's about character.
> 
> Maybe in my 50 plus years I just haven't run into the people of high character that have high risk NSA sex with lots of people and are caring people. Or maybe they're all very discrete (which I'm not ruling out BTW but I suspect this isn't the case).
> 
> #2 - there are several active threads here where the BS has just discovered they are married to a serial cheater and had no idea. This place filters for weaker, "nice boring guys" so I have NO idea how you can possibly say these people (men and women) don't slvt around then become born again virgins and choose a nice guy or girl to marry. And manipulate hoping their past doesn't come out.
> 
> #3 - I fully support freaky, wild sex, role play, bdsm, bob, water sports, even 3-somes for the rare (IMO) couple that is close enough to make that work. All in some sort of relationship that is exclusive. I believe "poly" is a cop out cake eating excuse for people who are with "Mr Right Now" as opposed to "Mr Right". I even have no problem with FWB if both are completely on board, one isn't going along hoping for more, and it isnt 1 of 20 concurrent FWB situations (which is just putting lipstick on slvtty behavior IMO)
> 
> #4 - of COURSE I'm certain of my opinion and believe I'm right. I'm a man and I'm not a weak man. I have the characteristics and confidence of conviction that we ask the BS of TAM to acquire or emulate. What do you expect
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I'm going to take this to the bank. This is gospel.


----------



## browser

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Andy1001 said:


> I have neve seen a woman whose looks were improved by a tattoo


I hate tatoos also. Although I wished my exwife would have gotten one, and also a girlfriend I dated for 2 years.

There's at least one reason why a woman's appearance would definitely be improved by getting a tatoo.

If they've had a tummy tuck procedure. Some sort of chain pattern or a swirl of lines or something that would cover up that scar that seems to cut them in half would be a huge improvement.


----------



## ReformedHubby

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

Interesting thread. My thoughts on the hyper sexual woman have changed. Not sure why men run away from them. Just because someone really likes sex it doesn't mean they will cheat on you. I think a lot of men go too far on the good girl side of things when they pick a spouse, then end up complaining about the sex.


----------



## MJJEAN

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



browser said:


> I hate tatoos also. Although I wished my exwife would have gotten one, and also a girlfriend I dated for 2 years.
> 
> There's at least one reason why a woman's appearance would definitely be improved by getting a tatoo.
> 
> If they've had a tummy tuck procedure. Some sort of chain pattern or a swirl of lines or something that would cover up that scar that seems to cut them in half would be a huge improvement.


That image looks more like a c-section scar. A tummy tuck scar should be much thinner and less visible. So many births in the U.S. are by c-section that the scar is common. Have one myself. Tattooing over it is brilliant!


----------



## LongParFour

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> Ok this is an embarrassing topic but let me prefaces that this is not about me but my cousin.
> My cousin is late 20s and has never had problems getting men. The problem is escalating it to a serious relationship. I personally think it's bc she LOVES sex and is aggressive and is a "freak" too early in the relationship that men dont respect her and no longer view her as a wife or mother type. So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship? Is this marriage material? It seems from watching her that the relationship starts out so heavy in sex and it stays all about sex and doesn't develop into a more adult serious relationship.




File this under issues I wish I had lol


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## lovelygirl

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Andy1001 said:


> When I was living in Boston there was a girl in the lab who would blow anyone,give a handjob,give what we used to call a titty ride or do anal with anybody who as much as bought her a drink.She would not have normal intercourse with anybody because she wanted to in her own words "keep herself pure for her future husband".


You just reminded me the ex of my male-friend. She used to give him oral, anal, hand job and whatever you call it, EXCEPT FOR vaginal sex. 
Why? She wanted to keep herself "pure" for the man she'd marry. 

Ridiculous. 

Back to topic, OP, your cousin might give in to sex too early in dating/relationship and some men view this as "premature" "too aggressive". Some men like to take it slower and leave room for imagination by finding out more and more ..each time they meet their SO. If she reveals everything of her sex-life within 2-3 first dates ..then men get bored easily maybe. They are left wondering what could possibly be experienced more with this girl, sexually.

That's just a guess.


----------



## DonaldDuck666

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> Ok this is an embarrassing topic but let me prefaces that this is not about me but my cousin.
> My cousin is late 20s and has never had problems getting men. The problem is escalating it to a serious relationship. I personally think it's bc she LOVES sex and is aggressive and is a "freak" too early in the relationship that men dont respect her and no longer view her as a wife or mother type. So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship? Is this marriage material? It seems from watching her that the relationship starts out so heavy in sex and it stays all about sex and doesn't develop into a more adult serious relationship.


Well, lots of oral and swallowing is wonderful. It's the most intimate thing a woman can do, IMO. Once you start going all porno and facials, I'm turned off. I've NEVER gotten why that stupid trend ever started. I think it's really degrading and disgusting - and I'm a very sexual person. 

That said, I can sort of see how or why starting out sexually aggressive could scare guys. I mean, if she's swallowing loads right off the bat, the inevitable question is going to be "Geez, how many guys is/has she been doing this with??


----------



## DonaldDuck666

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



katiecrna said:


> I personally think that she is so sexual bc she is insecure, and she has crazy jealousy issues. She has this horrible view that men who cheat on their gf or wives is bc they weren't sexually fulfilling which I disagree with. She feels like it's her duty and responsibility to fully satisfy her man which I personally don't think that's possible. She is the type of person who gets so mad if she finds out that her man masterbates or watches porn, she views this as almost like cheating behavior.
> She believes to keep a man or to make a man happy it's all about sex.


Oh, boy. Red flags everywhere now. insecurity + immaturity. The problem isn't with the men. I think you answered the question for her.


----------



## bandit.45

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> Ok this is an embarrassing topic but let me prefaces that this is not about me but my cousin.
> My cousin is late 20s and has never had problems getting men. The problem is escalating it to a serious relationship. I personally think it's bc she LOVES sex and is aggressive and is a "freak" too early in the relationship that men dont respect her and no longer view her as a wife or mother type. So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship? Is this marriage material? It seems from watching her that the relationship starts out so heavy in sex and it stays all about sex and doesn't develop into a more adult serious relationship.


For me it has to start with some kind of relationship. But no, I don't consider this type of behavior from my partner to be "slvtty" in the sense that she is a slvt by society's definition. If she is doing this just for me, because I make her feel safe and cared for enough for her to feel free to do this, then I will do everything I can to encourage it. 

"Slvtty", in it's strict definition, to me is a chick who goes out and does frequent threesomes, gang-bangs or who basically spreads em for a different guy five nights a week without having any kind of relationships. I probably would not want to seriously date a woman who is that promis.... I mean active. :wink2: A woman like this would be ONS material. 

I would not really consider your cousin to be a slvt in the general sense. Sounds like she is just very sexually open and adventurous with her boyfriends, but where she fails is that she doesn't look for guys who are willing to go the long haul with her.


----------



## DepressedHusband

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> She wants a serious relationship for sure. She just doesn't get why it never works out. I'm the opposite, I'm a nice Christian girl who believes holding out for the "girl one" is a better approach to winning a respectful man.


Chastity drives up your market value, attracting better quality men, she just needs to learn that she can have wild fun crazy sex, but first she needs to asses her market value and decide if she wants to stay where she is.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

*&quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*

Funny I was just thinking about all the guys who go overboard with their dates, with flowers, cards and even poems. Nice guys that a girl might be initially interested in, but who friendzone themselves in very short order.

They're in the same boat as your friend. If you can describe your feelings for "that guy" they're probably similar to the feelings many guys have toward your friend.

The sex might be a red herring. It gets an immediate reaction but it's what's underlying it that is the turn off.

The friendzone guy - what is it? Too much? Too clingy? Too weak? To easy? I think at least 75% of your descriptions of that guy could be applied to your friend.

It has nothing to do with the issue of whether either of them are nice, or thoughtful, or respectful, or a good person,etc. 

Whatever you would tell Mr Friendzone you could probably tell your friend.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MJJEAN

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



TheTruthHurts said:


> Funny I was just thinking about all the guys who go overboard with their dates, with flowers, cards and even poems. Nice guys that a girl might be initially interested in, but who friendzone themselves in very short order.
> 
> They're in the same boat as your friend. If you can describe your feelings for "that guy" they're probably similar to the feelings many guys have toward your friend.
> 
> The sex might be a red herring. It gets an immediate reaction but it's what's underlying it that is the turn off.
> 
> The friendzone guy - what is it? Too much? Too clingy? Too weak? To easy? I think at least 75% of your descriptions of that guy could be applied to your friend.
> 
> It has nothing to do with the issue of whether either of them are nice, or thoughtful, or respectful, or a good person,etc.
> 
> Whatever you would tell Mr Friendzone you could probably tell your friend.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I think most friendzoned guys are friendzoned simply due to lack of chemical attraction. The woman really enjoys these mens personalities and their company, but doesn't date them because there isn't any chemistry. Often, the woman wishes she was attracted to the friendzoned guy because he's darn near perfect in every other way.

If the cousin is getting "****-zoned", maybe it's because the men like the sex, but aren't compatible with her in other ways. Maybe the sex is perfect for these guys and they wish they liked her other traits, but...


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## Fozzy

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



DepressedHusband said:


> Chastity drives up your market value, attracting better quality men, she just needs to learn that she can have wild fun crazy sex, but first she needs to asses her market value and decide if she wants to stay where she is.


Chastity becomes its own red flag at a certain point.


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## DepressedHusband

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



Fozzy said:


> Chastity becomes its own red flag at a certain point.


It certainly does, I always tell all the younger women 'i interact with when they ask how a marriage lasts 20 yrs, I tell them, we didn't go around having sex with people we didn't think we would have children with.


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## Vinnydee

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I have been with girls like you described. In fact, that was my type for dating but I constantly changed girlfriends just about every month. I did have one girlfriend that lived with me for a year. She did all you describe and a lot, lot more. You are right, she was not marriage material which is why I did not care that she was having sex with other men every week. When I left her, I met and married a virgin. My wife knew about me years before we met. She knew the type of girls I dated and she was not even close to that sexually. She was shocked that I even asked her out on a date. Yet I married her and turned her into the type of girls I dated. 

It seems that it did not matter who I married. The end result would be the type of girl I preferred, even if I had to create her myself.


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## Ynot

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



TooNice said:


> I'd also like to know how your cousin is meeting men. I feel like I have some common ground with her, but I'm 20 years older!
> 
> I was married for 20+ years and would have considered myself vanilla in the bedroom. I also had some weight and self esteem issues during those years, but had a HD husband who (I thought) was patient and worked to bring me out a little. But unbeknownst to me, he sought sex elsewhere. Even when I reached a healthy weight and began to actually enjoy my body, he had one foot out the door. The whole time, I was utterly faithful to him, never even flirting with other men.
> 
> Now that I'm divorced, I look and feel better than I ever have in my life. But finding quality men is difficult. The ones I do go out with are great, but it seems they all want to have sex. That's the end game of most dates I've been on-it doesn't matter their profession, their age... the dating scene today feeds instant gratification.
> 
> My problem? I like men. I like sex. So if something starts, it's hard to stop it, because frankly, I don't always want to. And I'm not vanilla anymore.
> 
> I know you've said your cousin has self esteem issues. I don't think I do. I'm smart, attractive, successful... but I can't seem to find a LTR, either.
> 
> But what I do know is that I'm fairly certain I won't find my LTR on a dating app. If that's where your cousin is looking, maybe she should try something else, too?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I think you are right where you are supposed to be and should be. Go out and experience life and if a LTR is what you truly desire, it will come to you from where ever. I think the men and women who criticize others for exploring their sexuality are sexually repressed people themselves. Either because of religion, family or society they (the criticizers) have allowed themselves to be boxed in to a lifestyle and have just accepted it. That is fine, some people don't like pushing into the unknown and are content with whatever they are given or have. But to you, TooNice, I say bravo!


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## TooNice

*Re: &quot;Sl*tty sex&quot;*



Ynot said:


> I think you are right where you are supposed to be and should be. Go out and experience life and if a LTR is what you truly desire, it will come to you from where ever. I think the men and women who criticize others for exploring their sexuality are sexually repressed people themselves. Either because of religion, family or society they (the criticizers) have allowed themselves to be boxed in to a lifestyle and have just accepted it. That is fine, some people don't like pushing into the unknown and are content with whatever they are given or have. But to you, TooNice, I say bravo!


Thank you for this, Ynot. It's a crazy world out there right now. I appreciate your supportive words!


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## bbad

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> She wants a serious relationship for sure. She just doesn't get why it never works out. I'm the opposite, I'm a nice Christian girl who believes holding out for the "girl one" is a better approach to winning a respectful man.


No you are correct. It sounds odd to say but most men would reconsider if their first couple times is like with a prostitute - and they have prostitute for that! You can blame men whatever you want but it's fact. Tell your cousin it doesn't hurt to tame herself down at first. After all when she's in a marriage she would have to sacrifice some other things too.


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## CuddleBug

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*



katiecrna said:


> Ok this is an embarrassing topic but let me prefaces that this is not about me but my cousin.
> My cousin is late 20s and has never had problems getting men. The problem is escalating it to a serious relationship. I personally think it's bc she LOVES sex and is aggressive and is a "freak" too early in the relationship that men dont respect her and no longer view her as a wife or mother type. So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship? Is this marriage material? It seems from watching her that the relationship starts out so heavy in sex and it stays all about sex and doesn't develop into a more adult serious relationship.




If the woman I was dating had a high, crazy, aggressive, adventurous sex drive, yes, I would consider marrying her because I too am HD adventurous. That physical, sexual match would be there from the start. That connection would be there from the beginning and she could relax, not worry that I'm leaving her and we would go from there.

As long as its not bait and switch. Meaning, sex to get the guy, get married, then the sex drops right off.....

And remember that the sex drive will taper off a bit as we get older.


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## Talker67

*Re: "Sl*tty sex"*

I personally LOVE kinky sex. So as long as I felt she would remain monogamous, and could clean up enough to the to see mother, I would marry her.

Maybe her interest in kinky sex is giving off the vibe that one man would not be enough for her, and the men are bailing because of that worry


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