# Best way to intro wife to a restraint system



## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

After a rocky few months, the wife has decided she wants to try being intimate again, and she has an affinity for 50 shades type books. I got these Under Bed Restraint System - Sportsheets but I have never done this with her in the 10 years we have been married. What are some opinions on the best way to get her into these and comfortable with them? Best to dominate and place her into these somewhat forcefully (with consent of course), or ask her to get into them? Thoughts?


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Mr Pink said:


> After a rocky few months, the wife has decided she wants to try being intimate again, and she has an affinity for 50 shades type books. I got these Under Bed Restraint System - Sportsheets but I have never done this with her in the 10 years we have been married. What are some opinions on the best way to get her into these and comfortable with them? Best to dominate and place her into these somewhat forcefully (with consent of course), or ask her to get into them? Thoughts?


Well ...... see if she would allow you to blindfold her first ?? Anticipation can be a huge turn on for some ....... especially if done in a slow and teasing manner !! 

Whispers in her ear to reassure her that all is fine and slowly place these restraints on her ...... she'll know what they are im sure but if you go slow and in a way where she trusts you hmmmmmmm she could be very turned on by the time you do this and will be all for it !!!! Good luck !


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

You haven't been intimate for a few months and want to jump quickly from nothing to restraints? Especially since it seems like you've had these for a while and she's never asked to use them?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

How about you get in them first?

I tried to talk the wife into anal, pooh poohing her concerns. She finally said 'you first and I'll let you pick the strap on.'

Instantly I got her point! Strange how that happens...

If she were really interested, all you'd have to do is ask.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> You haven't been intimate for a few months and want to jump quickly from nothing to restraints? Especially since it seems like you've had these for a while and she's never asked to use them?


No, sorry a little more back ground. We havent been intimate in months due to some problems. She recently told me again that she is at a place where she wants to try and be intimate again, and wants to do 7 days of sex. I talked about this in another thread and this idea was brought up to do on like day 4-5, mainly bc she has been using her toys a lot while reading 50 Shades. Me and her have NEVER talked about our sex life being this way....but im just going off her actions and taking a leap of faith here. Hence why I want to appraoch it the right way. I just bought these yesterday, shes never seen them


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

I'll suggest you take thing slow and gradually get her to that point. The easiest way to get a woman to do whatever you want is to be patient and communicate with her. Maybe even a few fetish videos thats about what you're trying to get into to help ease her into it and once she's comfortable wiht the visual and comfortable enough via communication then take the plunge.


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

Omgitsjoe said:


> Well ...... see if she would allow you to blindfold her first ?? Anticipation can be a huge turn on for some ....... especially if done in a slow and teasing manner !!
> 
> Whispers in her ear to reassure her that all is fine and slowly place these restraints on her ...... she'll know what they are im sure but if you go slow and in a way where she trusts you hmmmmmmm she could be very turned on by the time you do this and will be all for it !!!! Good luck !


This is what I was thinking...since I got a blind fold as well


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Slow down Sparky.

First leave the box where she can see it (but not the kids). Give her some space to get used to the idea before you just spring it on her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I posted how I did it, in detail, on your other thread.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

I would highly recommend discussing the idea first, and also discuss what you intend to do with her after she is restrained, and not do anything that has not been discussed. Also she should have a safeword. People sometimes react in unexpected ways to being tied up, regardless of what they may say beforehand. Also I would recommend a strong, but extremely gentle hand at first, not rough or forceful. Let her feel your strength but without using it AGAINST her. She should not be giving you any resistance. A little bit of reality can go a very long way sometimes. Focus on making the experience as pleasurable as possible for her and don't get carried away with your own greedy ideas.

Also if you haven't been intimate in a while don't you think regular old vanilla sex is more reasonable place to start than something totally new? Like a warm-up before a sprint? Just sayin.

UPDATE: Oh if she's telling you she wants 7 days of freaky new experiences then game on. But please read everything everything in my first paragraph as it comes from my hard-won experience.


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

east2west said:


> I would highly recommend discussing the idea first, and also discuss what you intend to do with her after she is restrained, and not do anything that has not been discussed. Also she should have a safeword. People sometimes react in unexpected ways to being tied up, regardless of what they may say beforehand. Also I would recommend an extremely gentle hand at first, not rough or forceful. She should not be giving you any resistance. A little bit of reality can go a very long way sometimes. Focus on making the experience as pleasurable as possible for her and don't get carried away with your own greedy ideas.
> 
> Also if you haven't been intimate in a while don't you think regular old vanilla sex is more reasonable place to start than something totally new? Like a warm-up before a sprint? Just sayin.


Thats why I was thinking about doing this day 4-5. The ONLY reason I even think this is a good idea, is because of how often she uses her toys while reading 50 shades. As lame as it sounds, my mindset is that Im doing this for her, not for me.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

JCD said:


> Slow down Sparky.
> 
> First leave the box where she can see it (but not the kids). Give her some space to get used to the idea before you just spring it on her
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

It starts on the brain, start writing flirty letters, and quickly escalate it to naughtiness. Plant the idea in her mind, and tell her what you would do to her if she was tied up. Then start slow, like with a blindfold as mentioned. Buy one of the "starter kits" that has a blindfold, wrist restraints and a tickler and give it to her in the package... Up to this point has worked for me, once...

Then just keep going with it I suppose, eventually introduce the under-bed system  but din't spring it on her too soon, it's all about seduction so leave yourself room to work up to.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

I agree with the post, to have her restrain you first.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Betterstill, buy a pair of handcuffs and put it in her workbag or on her dashboard before she leaves for work so when she finds it she's thinking about it all day and comes home horny as a goat.


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

So I seem to see two main conflicting methods of approach...1 is to let her know and have her thinking about it all day. I realize that with women it starts with the brain and this will get her thinking about it all day IF this is something she actually wants to do. 2 is to slowly introduce as a surprise while blindfolded, which is more 50 shades style since she wont have a 'choice', but she may freak out...

So really its to let her know beforehand or not let her know beforehand...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Keep in mind these restraints are Velcro and pretty easy to pull out of.


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

Funny, the girl at the store swore there was no way to escape them


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Keep in mind these restraints are Velcro and pretty easy to pull out of.


spoken from firsthand experience? The ones I've used (on someone!) were velcro but wrapped around enough that there was no breaking free. muahaha.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

The ones I've used were definitely not velcro lol...and they left scars...oh by the way SHE provided them lol.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Both she and I have broken free. Takes a bit of bending the wrist but it can be done. Ok, there, I admitted she's tied me up as well.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Mr Pink said:


> So I seem to see two main conflicting methods of approach...1 is to let her know and have her thinking about it all day. I realize that with women it starts with the brain and this will get her thinking about it all day IF this is something she actually wants to do. 2 is to slowly introduce as a surprise while blindfolded, which is more 50 shades style since she wont have a 'choice', but she may freak out...
> 
> So really its to let her know beforehand or not let her know beforehand...


You don't need to worry about replicating some experience she read about in a fantasy novel. I haven't read the books myself but everyone who is in BDSM community who has read them says the same thing: it's a terrible way to be introduced to BDSM. Please do not take your advice out of 50 Shades.

The right way to go about it is this:

1) Discuss everything that is going to happen with your wife beforehand and make sure she is ok with it. Yes she will enjoy it more because she has the opportunity to anticipate it, but also you demonstrate control over yourself and your own urges, which will make her see you as competent and trustworthy.

2) SAFEWORD.

3) Introduce one new thing at a time. Try the blindfolds in one session, the restraints in the next, and in a third session, if all is well, you can do both. You can improvise a little more as you get comfortable, but you shouldn't ever spring totally new things on her as a surprise. Being blindfolded can be extremely intense all by itself, also people have unexpected reactions. My wife gets really dizzy when blindfolded so I don't use it much and not at all if she is wearing heels. 

4) Read the book by Jay Wiseman called SM 101. It covers all the practical details that incompetent dominants ignore, like what you would do if you had your wife all tied up and the house caught fire.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Mr Pink !!

Checking in to see how this weekend has gone thus far ?? Is she still tied up wink wink ?? Hipefully all went well and you hit the ball outtaaaaa the park !!!!????


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

Jury is still out. We have postponed our start date to Tuesday. Stand by. SHe does know about them as I showed her and she seemed intrigued/embarrassed so Im not sure of her reaction. But so far I think she is open to the idea.


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## LastUnicorn (Jul 10, 2012)

east2west said:


> You don't need to worry about replicating some experience she read about in a fantasy novel. I haven't read the books myself but everyone who is in BDSM community who has read them says the same thing: it's a terrible way to be introduced to BDSM. Please do not take your advice out of 50 Shades.
> 
> The right way to go about it is this:
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Don't bother trying to recreate some scene from a book, but it IS supposed to be fun, so think outside the box. Setting a scene in the comfort of your bedroom is easy and will thrill her to no end. Women (or at least this one) are affected by their environment, so take a critical look at your play area.
Is it a hot mess? Is there a TV, computer, laundry or anything dominating the room besides a bed & environment that is welcoming for intimacy & sleep? If so, get it out of the bedroom. Have family pictures anywhere in there? Get out! Nobody wants to get freaky with Grandma or the kids beaming down on them. You move heavy stuff but direct her to do the rest, she's wanting to be dominated right? Have her do it in the nude to get her mind in the right place. Got candles? Silky, furry, raspy things for petting & teasing? Ice? Sensation play while blindfolded is so very oh la la! 

Make an event of it, nice dinner in a new place, be sure to have the car clean! Get a haircut, wear new cologne, be a little reserved on the date. Not cold, but mysterious. Don't talk about work, family, any of the normal BS. This is all about seduction & foreplay. Make it a point to handle her a little more firmly than you usually do. Lots of body contact. Sit beside her at dinner, and yes that thigh and everything above it is yours so let her know it.

If at any point besides using a safe word she balks, complains, squirms or even says no just file it away with a smile and something non submissive like 'noted!' Or 'we'll have to work on that'. Not 'I'm sorry' or 'I'll stop'. If she is allowed to dictate all the terms of being dominated, who is dominating who? She will test you, be sure of it.

Do think of everything you are wanting to explore. Be prepared so you don't get all hyper and over excited at some point and go too far and scare her or yourself, lol. Stay sober. I repeat, stay sober. If she drinks she can't have too much either. You want memorable not 'zomg I was soooo drunk what did I/you do to me!' 

Remind her even if you are doing something scary that you love her. Take a little petting break now & again. The next day or so, schedule time to talk about what you both liked & didn't like & go from there. Jay Wiseman's book is excellent, I also recommend The New Topping Book & The New Bottoming Book both by Dossier Easton & Janet Hardy.

PS, all advice given is just that, advice. Have fun, be rationally irrational & respect a serious no.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

I would read the 50 shades and copy what he does somewhat since the book is what turned her on in the first place


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just get her to cuff you first then cuff her


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