# Question about male duration/ability to complete



## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

I was reading the female orgasm thread and there was a comment that made me want to post this question about my situation.

I am nearly 44, divorced about 18 months, and two partners post divorce. 

With my wife, I didn't get nearly the amount or quality of sex I desired (which is a story for another thread) however I always did 'finish' and often I had to work to hold off not finishing too soon. 

With my 'rebound' which I started having sex with about the time my D was final, it was totally different. She was more aggressive, more generous, more oral, however it took me forever to finish and often I couldn't. Sometimes it went on long enough that I couldn't stay hard, but never did finish. 

New partner-- similar to rebound. I can go forever and she will orgasm many times and then want me too. Usually I am still hard, but not always as hard as I can be, and many/most times I am not able to finish for some reason, though I do enjoy it immensely. 

So, with ex wife, no trouble finishing- now, trouble finishing but partner enjoys it as I last very long. Not sure why I could finish at any point w/ ex and now it gets to be a struggle...

(also, FYI lately I have been using libido max as a sexual supplement; it is yohimbe, some vitamins, and other supplements that increase blood flow)

Would like to find a way to finish after she has gotten to the point where she cant go on (usually when she is on top for a long time...gets tired). 

Thoughts?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

It might be the supplement since that seems to be the only new thing besides your partner.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

While some would say that is your body giving you warning signs that something is not right in the relationship, others might say you are on your way to becoming a tantric legend. It is all about perspective.

either way, one generally should wait about one month for every year that the previous relationship lasted before finding yourself and being ready for a new relationship:

12 year marriage = 1 year to rediscover yourself and start again
24 year marriage = 2 years to rediscover yourself and start again


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Morcoll said:


> I was reading the female orgasm thread and there was a comment that made me want to post this question about my situation.
> 
> I am nearly 44, divorced about 18 months, and two partners post divorce.
> 
> ...


dumb question - mentally, do you allow yourself to finish?

Are you worried about your performance with these new women?


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Maybe because you loved your wife, was comfortable with her both in and out of the bed and was emotionally bonded with her. I doubt you have any of these connections with these women. It also maybe performance anxiety, being with someone new. Worried if she will enjoy herself.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Morcoll said:


> I was reading the female orgasm thread and there was a comment that made me want to post this question about my situation.
> 
> I am nearly 44, divorced about 18 months, and two partners post divorce.
> 
> ...


On an unrelated note, I'd like to announce a crowd-funding campaign that I'm getting ready to launch in order to help me pay my bills for the next couple of months. I didn't lose my job or anything like that, but I _might_ have just ordered Amazon's entire stock of Libido Max. Should be here Sunday by 8 pm.

Giggity.


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## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

I am mentally prepared and wanting to finish, so do not feel like I am stopping myself mentally. And I do not feel like I am worried about my performance as she outwardly and clearly enjoys it and will often say after awhile, and several orgasms, I want YOU to *** now. 

I am really not sure exactly what Gus' joke references. But in any case, I do not feel too badly about this b/c it is better for her, than if I were, say, the way I was with my wife.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

badsanta said:


> one generally should wait about one month for every year that the previous relationship lasted before finding yourself and being ready for a new relationship:
> 
> 12 year marriage = 1 year to rediscover yourself and start again
> 24 year marriage = 2 years to rediscover yourself and start again


One day per year worked well for me, so about 3.5 weeks. I rediscovered myself during all the bad years of marriage.

OP, it may be psychological, but no doubt it would be difficult to pin down the real cause or cure. It can't hurt to have a thorough physical and check the whole range of hormone levels while you're at it.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

tell me about your health...over weight? Have you been tot he doctors for a check up? if you are physical fit, and healthy and its not physiological then i would suspect in accordance to the bad Santa and Married that is psychological...and if i were to take a guess some where deep in your mind your bring up questions like...how is it that my ex-wife does not like sex but these women do, in other words your getting distracted...your ability to let go and actually enjoy the event is being side track but zingers of thoughts that appear for only a sec but enough to distract your ability to release yourself. you may want to try this with a partner, have her stroke you as your laying flat without touching her, allow her to have full control but just when you are about to cum, tell her to stop and release her hand..when things settle down again do it again and stop again...here's why, what you want to do is to visual her, see her, feel her, watch her pleasuring you over and over again to create that bond, to build that bond. try it, what do you have to loose, also pick up a book on tantric love making it really works


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Morcoll said:


> I am mentally prepared and wanting to finish, so do not feel like I am stopping myself mentally. And I do not feel like I am worried about my performance as she outwardly and clearly enjoys it and will often say after awhile, and several orgasms, I want YOU to *** now.
> 
> I am really not sure exactly what Gus' joke references. But in any case, I do not feel too badly about this b/c it is better for her, than if I were, say, the way I was with my wife.


I think what Gus meant by his joke was if it was the supplement that you mentioned many men here will be ordering a bottle or many...So he was cleaning Amazon out to up profiteer...

My Ex had this happen and for me I felt bad, it was less enjoyable than one might imagine because we are taught that orgasm is the goal. In his case it was a new medicine. My thought immediately went to your supplement. Reassure your partner that it is not her. Hope you figure it out soon.


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## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

kristin2349 said:


> I think what Gus meant by his joke was if it was the supplement that you mentioned many men here will be ordering a bottle or many...So he was cleaning Amazon out to up profiteer...
> 
> My Ex had this happen and for me I felt bad, it was less enjoyable than one might imagine because we are taught that orgasm is the goal. In his case it was a new medicine. My thought immediately went to your supplement. Reassure your partner that it is not her. Hope you figure it out soon.


It actually is still enjoyable, and yes I am concerned about her worrying about it though she has never actually said anything about it. We have been sleeping together for about 2 months and literally every time we see each other (2-3 times a week) there is sex and about 80% of those times it is more than once-- ie, hang out, have sex, eat dinner, have sex, date over. 

Last night I was able to finish with her on top, it was after quite a while the feeling finally got more intense and I was able. The second time I didn't and she had to go and I told her I was going to take a while so we stopped after she had 4-5 times.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I understand, at the time my Ex told me it was still quite enjoyable for him and that was a relief. So I would recommend letting her know it feels great for you. I had a hard time letting go of the ultimate goal because of basic programming. I ended up pulling out Cirque De Soleil moves and every other trick in the book, it was kind of comical.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

kristin2349 said:


> I think what Gus meant by his joke was if it was the supplement that you mentioned many men here will be ordering a bottle or many...So he was cleaning Amazon out to up profiteer...


LOL. Not quite...

It was nothing more than a silly, self-deprecating (and not _quite_ accurate, I might add) joke meant to imply that I might benefit from the use of said supplement.

But thanks for overlooking that!



kristin2349 said:


> My Ex had this happen and for me I felt bad, it was less enjoyable than one might imagine because we are taught that orgasm is the goal. In his case it was a new medicine. My thought immediately went to your supplement.


If the supplement is a new addition, then maybe consider dropping it, or at least either taking less of it or taking it less often.

It could also be a lack of emotional connection w/ your partner(s). You had that w/ your wife haven't been able to achieve that w/ either of your partners since... possibly to emotional trauma brought about by your divorce...?



kristin2349 said:


> *Reassure your partner that it is not her.* Hope you figure it out soon.


This is key.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Morcoll said:


> I am really not sure exactly what Gus' joke references. But in any case, I do not feel too badly about this b/c it is better for her, than if I were, say, the way I was with my wife.


You need to stop focusing on "finishing" and focus totally on pleasing her my man. Focus more on the journey rather than worrying about the arrival (yours), You may be psyching yourself out. Instead of worrying about whether you will finish, focus on her face and body language and see the work of art you have before you. Your goal is to give her exquisite pleasure and yours comes from giving that to her; not you "finishing". Feel her nakedness next to yours, how she looks, her beautiful curves, her fragrance, wrapping her smooth soft legs around you and how she feels inside . Bask in the tension that develops in her body especially the hands and feet (you know, the curly toes) as you work your magic and see the warm flush spreads over her face as you guide her toward her peak. Don't worry about finishing and let yourself just melt into her, knowing that she wants and craves to receive your passion.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> You need to stop focusing on "finishing" and focus totally on pleasing her my man. Focus more on the journey rather than worrying about the arrival (yours), You may be psyching yourself out. Instead of worrying about whether you will finish, focus on her face and body language and see the work of art you have before you. Your goal is to give her exquisite pleasure and yours comes from giving that to her; not you "finishing". Feel her nakedness next to yours, how she looks, her beautiful curves, her fragrance, wrapping her smooth soft legs around you and how she feels inside . Bask in the tension that develops in her body especially the hands and feet (you know, the curly toes) as you work your magic and see the warm flush spreads over her face as you guide her toward her peak. Don't worry about finishing and let yourself just melt into her, knowing that she wants and craves to receive your passion.


:iagree:

Bout the only thing I could add to this is...

Enjoy the ride, don't focus on anything but what she is responding to. I am very receptive to how my wife is "scaling up" to her "moment" and I adjust my efforts accordingly. Of course, I derive tremendous pleasure from giving her pleasure so that adds to my level of arousal. Just enjoy and like Phoenix said (which I agree with)...Don't focus on finishing...Just revel in her body and how she responds to your lovemaking.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

If you watch porn, stop.


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## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

I do not watch porn and I absolutely do everything I can to help her orgasm as many times as possible, it is when she feels exhausted and wants me to finish, she wants to feel like I am satisfied, and so on...that I have a difficult time. I enjoy and am much more focused on her until that part when she says she is ready for me to finish.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I think you have performance anxiety.

You get her off
You get her off
You get her off
She gets tired (sudden change of focus)
She waits (you feel pressured)
She waits (you feel insecure)
You give up

Just remember, even the professional performers end it with the money shot.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

If she is saying - OK you go now.....is she helping you get there? Doing the things that put you over the edge...does she know what those are? If not, tell her. Seems like she expects you to finish on command after she is completely spent. Maybe she could try saving a bit of energy to help get you there. 

I had a partner once like that, but I think his problem was the vice grip. I am not a guy, so what do I know. Just want to assure you that you are not alone.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I think you need to be selfish. The dynamic in your lovemaking sounds like you are focused on her pleasure without taking care of yourself. And then all of a sudden when she is done, the spotlight goes onto you. She's the audience waiting for you to do your thing and finish. Instead, just take what you want.

One idea is to make the orgasm not the end of the event. Whether it be yours or hers, (yours in this case), the orgasm is reached early and then you continue. So you go ahead and finish soon, but then attend to her afterwards.

Somewhere I read a great idea which I like a lot, which is to make PiV early, and then go to oral.

You can make this into a game, with one night being about you, and the next about her. Whether it be light bondage, being blindfolded, or just your turn to tell her what to do.

Have you read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. R. Glover? There may be something in there for you.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It very well could be psychological.

Being comfortable with your woman makes a world of difference.

I had a maybe similar experience with Mrs. Conan.

I am usually capable of letting it go pretty quickly once she has climaxed but the other night when I got home, Mrs. Conan was dressed like Batgirl right down to Batgirl panties!

I pretended to be Superman getting naughty.

After giving her one of the longest orgasms she has ever had, I proceeded to try and knock her brains out the top of her head for about 30-45 minutes.

I could not climax easily during the roll playing.

I finally had to turn into a human jack hammer to finish.

Not usual for us. Had to be psychological.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> I am usually capable of letting it go pretty quickly once she has climaxed but the other night when I got home, Mrs. Conan was dressed like Batgirl right down to Batgirl panties!
> 
> I pretended to be Superman getting naughty._Posted via Mobile Device_


Ordained
JLA Fetish

Your my hero.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

gouge_away said:


> Ordained
> JLA Fetish
> 
> Your my hero.


LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Morcoll, do you happen to be taking any type antidepressant like Paxel?


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

be real cover with anything that has yohimbe, 

For me it's a mental thing. Sometimes I can hold out for as long as my wife wants... in fact she wants me to finish in less than 10 minutes. she's had several orgasms by that time. But now and then I'll only last a couple of minutes and there will be times I WON'T cum at all . Fpor me it's ha mind thing


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Marcoll what were the circumstances that caused your divorce?


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

If its not maoi inhibitors, my guess is that this is physiological.

I know for a fact the first few times with any partner I've ever had, I did not even come close to climaxing, and I have destroyed entire trojan armies trying.

Time goes by, I get more comfortable with the partner and am able to finish with little to no effort.

I still have not ever climaxed outside of penetration.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

John Holmes said in a Playboy interview once that the copious amounts of jizz he was able to manufacture was a result of zinc. He took mega doses of zinc every day and before porn shoots. Zinc apparently boosts semen production. 

I would say if you go in with your cup overflowing you should have reduced problems with DA.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Sorta had this happen to me. After my XW (who I had no trouble finishing with) and I split up I hooked up with one girl (only did it the one time) and came pretty fast. Actually it was very fast. Then I met the woman I'm now happily married to. It can take me forever to finish with her aND the only reliable way is from behind. The only thing I can think is that there is some left over insecurity or something stemming from the fact that my XW wasn't sexual with me often. It can knock you down pretty hard to feel like the woman you married doesn't want you. 

Try just focusing on how it feels for you. I can get so wrapped up in doing what she likes, I will not focus on what I'm feeling. I think sometimes I could go faster but I pass mine over and then it takes a while to get it back. It kinda gets numb. So don't pass one up if you feel like you can do it. Also girl on top has never been the best position for me to come. It sounds like your using this position a lot.


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## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

I Don't Know said:


> The only thing I can think is that there is some left over insecurity or something stemming from the fact that my XW wasn't sexual with me often. It can knock you down pretty hard to feel like the woman you married doesn't want you. .



I think Man can perform much batter if the women that you love and married can make you feel like she wants you. 

Last time was the best sex I ever had with my wife. Even thou it lasted 5 thrust hehehe it's how she made me feel that made the diffrence. I felt like I was with a new women. Hehe


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

If your last partner didn't care much about you enjoying the sex, and didn't put much effort into pleasing you, I could see how it might be difficult to climax with a new partner.


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