# Is this normal for a middle aged man?



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

My husband always looks at other women, sometimes even stares, and it has caused us issues in the past. I say it's rude and immature and he says I am putting him in chains and treating him like a caged animal because I complain about it. He even took me to Hooters on one of our "dates" once on "naughty schoolgirl" dress up day right before Halloween. Mind you this was supposed to be something we enjoyed together. Now he says he has to watch everything he says and does because I make a big deal out of this and it's just normal guy stuff. I also found e-mails (yes, I snooped) where one of his friends sent a pic of a girl he worked with and my husband responded "I'd love to do her all night, when can I visit?" He says it's just guy talk. 

Today I found another e-mail to another buddy about our upcoming vacation to Florida. My husband and I will be in the same place at the same time as one of his friends and his wife and kids (not my idea, but he always plans the vacation). Anyway, my husband said "I hope it's warm because there are more jugs then, and I love the raw beauty and booty. It's just like searching for seashells, you never know what you will find." 

He also likes to snap pics with his phone when he sees a topless woman and he sends the pics to his buddies. 

I am getting so sick and disgusted of all this supposedly "normal guy talk." I think he acts like a 14 year old and he's 46! It is just getting so irritating and I realize now he will never change, but he complains when he thinks I am looking at a guy, and most of the time I am not even looking, but I think he's sort of paranoid. Maybe he thinks I am doing what he would do. 

Anyway, what is normal? How do I keep putting up with this? I don't know if he has ever cheated, but suspect he has, but could never prove it. He says this is all just talk with guys like in a locker room, but he is not in high school or college anymore and I am sick of his behavior! 

Is this normal and what should I do? Any help would be appreciated!


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Did he do this when he was younger? Does he do other immature things which makes you think you are dealing with a teenager? It does sound as though he and his friends are acting a bit juvenile.


----------



## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

He does seem a little old for the behaviour. It's one thing to look at a good set walking by... never bothered me too much.. but the other behaviours are a bit frat house for his age. Pictures? Ya, that's a bit childish, as is the language of the email. I think that would bother me more than looking for sure!


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

I am not sure if he did this when he was younger, I never noticed it really until the last 4 or 5 years, but it is much easier to spot some of this now with e-mail, cell phones, etc. We started seeing each other in 1995 and technology certainly wasn't what it is today! 

I know people look, and I know it's normal, but taking your wife to Hooters for naughty schoolgirl day? I also found out that he gave his phone number to one of the Hooters waitresses (25 years younger than him) and she had been calling him quite a bit. Supposedly he was going to hook her up with a friend of his who breeds dogs so she could get a puppy, but how in the heck does one get to know their server that well? I go to restaurants all the time but don't give my number to the waiter and know thier number, age, where they live, what they are studying in college, etc. 

I guess the talk and ogling seem rude and inconsiderate to me, but I also fear that there is more than just talk and looking going on based on what he said in the one e-mail about "doing" his friend's co-worker and based on the fact that he did develop some sort of relationship with the Hooters waitress. After the calls kept coming and he didn't answer his phone he finally told me about it, claiming she was just calling to see about getting the dog. I said if she wanted the dog why not just give her the breeder's number? Why did he have to stay involved? I guess all this has just led me to stop trusting him.


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Trooper said:


> My husband always looks at other women, sometimes even stares, and it has caused us issues in the past. I say it's rude and immature


It is and totally disrespectful.


> and he says I am putting him in chains and treating him like a caged animal because I complain about it. He even took me to Hooters on one of our "dates" once on "naughty schoolgirl" dress up day right before Halloween. Mind you this was supposed to be something we enjoyed together.


If my fiance tried to take me to hooters, I would never speak to him again. In fact if he went alone I'd never speak to him again. How dare he disrespect you and your feelings like that.



> Now he says he has to watch everything he says and does because I make a big deal out of this and it's just normal guy stuff.


No I think guys like to believe that because it suits them, but that's just a cop out for not wanting to have to care about your feelings and put you first. he is very selfish.



> I also found e-mails (yes, I snooped) where one of his friends sent a pic of a girl he worked with and my husband responded "I'd love to do her all night, when can I visit?" He says it's just guy talk.


how would he feel if you were talking about ****ing guys you worked with all night long?



> Today I found another e-mail to another buddy about our upcoming vacation to Florida. My husband and I will be in the same place at the same time as one of his friends and his wife and kids (not my idea, but he always plans the vacation). Anyway, my husband said "I hope it's warm because there are more jugs then, and I love the raw beauty and booty. It's just like searching for seashells, you never know what you will find."


wow that must make you feel good about going on vacation with him and his whole intent to go. Is he going to be with you or just check out women. Very immature.



> He also likes to snap pics with his phone when he sees a topless woman and he sends the pics to his buddies.


creepy yucky behaviour. Ewww.


> I am getting so sick and disgusted of all this supposedly "normal guy talk." I think he acts like a 14 year old and he's 46! It is just getting so irritating and I realize now he will never change, but he complains when he thinks I am looking at a guy, and most of the time I am not even looking, but I think he's sort of paranoid. Maybe he thinks I am doing what he would do.


So he has huge double standards, surprise surprise.


> Anyway, what is normal? How do I keep putting up with this? I don't know if he has ever cheated, but suspect he has, but could never prove it. He says this is all just talk with guys like in a locker room, but he is not in high school or college anymore and I am sick of his behavior!


it's not just talk, it's hurting you and your marriage, if he really loved you he wouldn't do that type of thing. 


> Is this normal and what should I do? Any help would be appreciated!


I would give him an ultimatum, either he starts respecting you and caring about your feelings and valuing your relationship or you walk. But you would have to mean it, it couldn't be an empty threat.


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Syrum - thanks, you gave me a lot to think about that I had not considered before. He always makes me feel like I am the abnormal one and that his behavior is how all men act and I am some sort of paranoid prude. 

I would love to hear from some men - is this really normal behavior for men? I honestly don't know anymore, I think he has sort of brain washed me into believing him.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I really think you've got problems with your husband. He is on his way to having a full blown mid-life crisis. He seems to be testing the waters in plain sight. That's what I see in the Hooter's trip. He wanted to go see the eye candy, but take you along--so it would seem innocent.

You may want to see a marriage counselor before things get to a boiling point. He needs to stop communicating with the Hooter's girl, change your vacation plans (to someplace without his friend), and start focusing on you instead of other women and his guy friends.


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

827Aug said:


> I really think you've got problems with your husband. He is on his way to having a full blown mid-life crisis. He seems to be testing the waters in plain sight. That's what I see in the Hooter's trip. He wanted to go see the eye candy, but take you along--so it would seem innocent.
> 
> You may want to see a marriage counselor before things get to a boiling point. He needs to stop communicating with the Hooter's girl, change your vacation plans (to someplace without his friend), and start focusing on you instead of other women and his guy friends.


Very well said, he is seeing how far he can push you and what he can get away with. That's not loving.


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

I am afraid I have put up with all this for so long that I now seem like a dormat. He won't go to counseling so I now go alone. He says he has no issues so he does not need counseling and he says the more I go the worse our relationship gets. According to my counselor this is not unusual because I am getting stronger and not putting up so easily with his behavior so to him things are getting worse because he is not getting his way all the time. 

I am just afraid that I am reaching a fork in the road and I need to choose to stay and put up with this or just leave. It's been going on for several years now and since he believes he has no problem I don't have any illusions that he will ever recognize the issues and change. I just am scared now. I lost my job a few years ago after working for about 25 years and only work part time now so I am somewhat financially dependent on him and that is one big issue that is holding me back. I haven't been able to find anything full time and am not sure if I could get spousal support or not. It is all very scary to me.


----------



## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Yeah, that's not right. I'm a guy and I know exactly how irresistible women can be. Our little brains are marinated in testosterone and the sexual pursuit part of our brains are 2.5 times larger that in a woman. Also, the protection/fighting/competitiveness section is larger too. You should read a book called "The Male Brain" for a better understanding. Don't worry, it's not too long. 

However, the above is absolutely no excuse for us men to be uncivilized. Your husband is acting like a juvenile caveman. He needs to reel it in and make efforts to show you some respect. Sure, if a smokin hot woman walks in front of us, we may not be able to resist a quick glance, but it'll be out of our minds in 2 minutes and we'll be thinking about what we want for dinner while you're still over there fuming. 

Your husband needs to show some respect and perfect the art of subtlety. I'll tell you straight up that you need to set some boundaries and enforce them. However, try to strike a balance and not make him feel like he's walking on egg shells all the time. 

Sit down with him and have a face to face talk about it. Keep it simple and to the point. Tell him if this continues to happen then you're taking him to counseling (the principles office). If he knows that he will have to go talk about these issues he'll be afraid. Plus, he'll respect you more for laying down the law.

Hope that helps.


----------



## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

I think it is a maturity thing. I have certain expectations of people based on the fact that you are supposed to grow up. I think of al things I said I would never do as a parent, when I was 17, and now I laugh at my youthful self and think.. what a DUMB kid I was HAHA. There are loads of things I did in my youth that I am not ashamed of BECAUSE it was my youth, but I would be mortified if I did them now HAHA

You are supposed to grow up and I am sorry, but just because men think with multiple parts of their body does not excuse them from this aspect of life. Grow up silly child.... Just like you would look dumb walking around in the outfits you wore when you were 17, you look dumb walking around in the YOU you wore when you were 17


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Trooper said:


> Hooters..on "naughty schoolgirl" dress up day right before Halloween.


Naughty schoolgirl dress up day? At Hooters? Halloween was it? 

Let's see...where's that calendar...


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You are doing the right thing. Keep going to counseling; it's working since you are feeling stronger. You may also want to read a book by the title of "The Peter Pan Syndrome". I can't remember the author's name. But, this could be some of the problem with him as well. If so, it really "blossoms" at middle age. Not a pretty sight!

You may also find it helpful to consult with a divorce attorney. Most won't charge for the initial consult. It may free you from feeling dependent on your husband. Find out what the rules are in your state regarding spousal support. When the initial problems arose with my estranged husband, I was scared about my financial future too. I meet with the attorney and felt much better. Since my marriage was over 20 years and I had no job, I came out okay. The judge awarded me half of the husband's paycheck.


----------



## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

Immature jerk...if he wants his "freedom" to be an adolescent boy and gawk at women, perhaps you should give it to him. Tell him if that's what he wants, you'll permanently leave and he can gawk to his heart's delight. Just make sure that you mention that you'll move on too and find a grown up man.


----------



## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

Hi Viseral,

I think it would make most men really insecure to know that we women also notice all the "smokin hot young guys" when we're in the company of our middle aged husbands. Got news for you...they're everywhere! We ALSO have libidos, and they're not reserved just for our SOs. The difference is, the majority of women are too mature and respectful to gawk like teenagers. 

I've pointed this out to men in the past and it seems to make them very uncomfortable to think they might also have competition. This is not about the male "testosterone" excuse and the biological "privilege" that men have to respond to women's physicality, this is an issue of maturity and respect.


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

You know, I've seen that in some men I've known in the past, their tendency to do this increases in the forties. My step dad cruised sorority row when I went to college, especially rush week. 

Not sure why some guys are like this. It's not normal or average, but it happens. Most of my friends and I wouldn't dream of being like this. Especially if you have daughters. 

Last time my family went to the beach, a middle aged guy about my age was really scaring my daughter. On an open beach, he kept putting his chair very close to her when I was away. Kept calling another person, saying he was checking out a girl's ti*****. About this point, I should mention that I'm built like a truck. I confronted him, and he went on about how it was a free country. I reminded him that I'm pretty free to kick his a**, and my daughter will tell the police that he was being a pervert. He kept his space after that. (Sometimes, its like someone just presses my "stupid" button, because I'm normally very mild-mannered)


----------



## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

Halien said:


> I confronted him, and he went on about how it was a free country. I reminded him that I'm pretty free to kick his a**, and my daughter will tell the police that he was being a pervert. He kept his space after that. (Sometimes, its like someone just presses my "stupid" button, because I'm normally very mild-mannered)


:rofl:


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Thank you Myopia! Since we met my husband has gained 50 pounds and gone bald. I have actually lost 15 pounds and am in better shape than ever. He is actually a few years younger than me but everyone thinks I am younger. 

I never stare at men, when he even thinks I am he has a fit. I am pretty modest but he now parades around on the beach in one of those tiny bathing suits men in Europe wear (can't seem to think of the name right now) and he looks like a complete fool. But somehow he thinks he's pretty hot. He even told me once I am lucky to have him and he can move on and have any woman as they are after him all day! He does make a lot of money and has a nice car so maybe the Hooters waitresses are impressed, not sure who these women are who are after him-I have never seen this situation. 

It just seems he goes out of his way to make me feel insecure but when I really look at the situation I could probably do much better than him in the mate department if we went just on looks. We are both educated professionals (well I was until I got laid off) and I just never expected him to act the way he does now. My therapist says this is all just to manipulate me - that he makes me feel insecure so he has more control. It makes me sick to think he is doing this.


----------



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I'm in a rush and haven't read all of the replies, but gawking and little comments are NORMAL.

Exempt holier than though types I haven't met a guy yet from blue collar to VP that doesn't make comments about other woman!! Yes, most of it is just guy joking.

The other part about taking you to Hooters and stuff to me is just weird......I would never nor do I even go to Hooters, but some people do.


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

OhGeesh - I know you were in a rush but you didn't read all the posts. One of the Hooters waitresses was calling him all the time as he gave her his phone number. He also told a friend that he wanted "to do" someone he had a pic of in his e-mail. He also sends pics of topless sunbathers to his buddies and generally acts like a single 14 year old. Just one thing wouldn't bother me, but the behaviors taken together are very disrespectful, and possibly deceitful also. I am not sure what he did with the waitress, but I have to think he intended to do something if he gave her his phone number.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

A decent 14 year old would know to be respectful around his family, however. Your h really has crossed boundaries and I am glad to know you are in counseling and getting stronger. Do seek out a lawyer and get advice--but this is not the time to tell h you are doing that. If you don't like the advice, you may decide to put together an exit plan and would not want to cue him in anyway. On the other hand, if you feel you will be safe from abject poverty despite divorce (that's all I needed to know, frankly), and you choose to leave him, you will sure as heck be able to tell him then that you already have an attorney. Be sure to talk through all of this in therapy, too, b/c you need to know what to expect if you decide to leave. If he thinks he is so hot, he may let you go without a fuss--thinking he can "get some" of that nice 25 year old stuff. And maybe he will--but he'll discover that nothing like that will ever make him feel good about himself, b/c his issue is really about facing his own mortality and, until he does and accepts it, he will just make stupid mistakes (I say that based on the direction he's already gone). You will be much happier and safer financially and health-wise (what if he cheats and gives you an STD?) to let him go through this alone if that is what he *thinks* he wants. But maybe telling him, "Look, you are going to die someday; we all are. Acting like a juvenile won't save you and it sure as heck won't make your anxiety about it go away even if it seems something of a temporary diversion. Are you sure you want to go through this alone?" Take care of yourself, no matter what you decide. God bless.


----------



## Greentea (Aug 28, 2010)

He sounds really nasty.


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Thanks to everyone! I do think he is having some sort of midlife crisis. I didn't mention he takes sterioids and testosterone cream and now he added B-12 injections. He was also considering getting a convertible and has talked about hair transplants. He has always been bossy and controlling, but now that he is losing his mind it's even worse. I think he does think if he does all this (steroids, the car, hair, etc.) that he can snag some 25 year old bimbo, yet he tells me he wants us to stay married. However, whenever I call him out on his bad behavior he blows up and throws a tantrum basically where he says fine, I'll leave. You don't know how lucky you are to have me and after I'm gone you will realize it someday. I seriously wonder if he is losing his mind, his take on the whole situation is so out of touch with reality.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hmmmm.....I suppose the testosterone and steroids are prescribed by a doctor? It does sound as though you've got a full blown mid-life crisis going on. The steroids could be influencing some of his behavior though.


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Yes by a doctor - technically. The doctor is in another state and has never seen him and the prescription used to come from a pharmacy that I found out was closed by that state's attorney general. Now it comes from a different pharmacy, I think actually might be in Canada. 

The "doctor" is some sort of rejuvenation clinic or some other nonsense and all you have to do is have a blood test in your home state and have the results sent to the doctor once a year and then the prescriptions are shipped from the pharmacy to your home. I find it all very questionable but he kept telling me it was legit. I then found a notice from the attorney general in the state where the pharmacy was saying they had confiscated all his "prescriptions" and closed the pharmacy pending investigation. Of course he never mentioned it to me; if I hadn't seen the letter from the Attorney General I would not have known.

But it keeps going on as they just switch to another pharmacy. I wonder how many people are hospitalized and/or killed by so-called doctors and pharmacies such as this. 

I am sure all the crap he takes probably does contribute to his problems. I believe they induce "roid rage" as I have seen a definite difference. He was also hospitalized for a serious heart arythmia once, but he refuses to think it's connected and won't stop. I honestly wonder if he is just going to drop dead one day.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Trooper said:


> But it keeps going on as they just switch to another pharmacy. I wonder how many people are hospitalized and/or killed by so-called doctors and pharmacies such as this.


A lot. Are there any diet pills in the mix? Those type of clinics/pharmacies do a lot of them along with the steroids. And your husband sounds as though he is now hooked. No wonder you are having problems. Perhaps begin by taking his mail order medications to your local pharmacist. Get him/her to see exactly what they are and have a consultation. Also, let them know what other medications he is taking along with these items. This could save his life.


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

I have decided I am going to make a list of everything and actually talk to my own doctor about it. As far as I know there are no diet pills yet, but there are 2 or 3 types of pills along with an injectable steroid and the B-12 injections and testosterone cream. I had assumed the pills were some sort of oral steroid, but who knows. I just want to know if he is in serious risk of having a serious health problem so when it happens I am prepared. I know he will not stop unless he has a serious health scare so I am not even going to try to stop him - as you said he is hooked and until he is ready to admit it's a problem he won't do anything. It is just so scary to me that I ended up married to someone like this - I NEVER would have guessed I would end up in this situation. 

Thanks.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Testosterone in the normal range isn't likely to cause someone to go all Lothario Greaseball.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Runs like Dog said:


> Testosterone in the normal range isn't likely to cause someone to go all Lothario Greaseball.


Yes, but God only knows what his level is. Doctors usually monitor testosterone levels more than once a year. In addition, he is taking steroids. They can do some awesome things in a human body.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Oh double dipping are we? That's not good.


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Runs like a Dog - he takes a ton of stuff every day and only has to have a blood test once a year to get all the crap from the so-called doctor. He's already had a serious heart arythmia and was hospitalized for 3 days. They eventually had to stop his heart and restart it with shock so I am pretty sure whatever he is taking is not good and over any normal limits. I would guess this could have a pretty severe affect on his behavior also.


----------



## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Trooper said:


> He even told me once I am lucky to have him and he can move on and have any woman


He's projecting. Have you ever seen a relationship end where one person said this to the other? The one who uses the abusive language is always the one who's crying and asking for another chance in the end.

He knows you're the better spouse and that scares him.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

There is no telling where those tablets came from. Your doctor may not be able to identify them (if they aren't in the original container). If that's the case, your pharmacist should be able to. Keep us posted about this. This could very well be influencing some of the behavioral problems.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Trooper said:


> Runs like a Dog - he takes a ton of stuff every day and only has to have a blood test once a year to get all the crap from the so-called doctor. He's already had a serious heart arythmia and was hospitalized for 3 days. They eventually had to stop his heart and restart it with shock so I am pretty sure whatever he is taking is not good and over any normal limits. I would guess this could have a pretty severe affect on his behavior also.


Well you've pretty much answered your own question. It's gonna kill him whatever it is.


----------



## JMB (Mar 5, 2011)

I'd leave a guy like that, but you need to decide what You want.


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

I am so confused. The problem is I once loved him and I think I keep thinking back to how he used to be years ago. Tonight he came home from work and was mad at a friend of his and mad at another friend's wife but he was ok to me. He went to the gym then and when he came home he seemed pissed for no reason. I mentioned I went to the gym in the afternoon (I lost my job about 2 years ago) and he said "oh so now you're a gym rat." WTF??? I said why am I a gym rat (and what is that anyway) but you're not? He then went off on me about how he works all day and is under stress while I sit home and go to the gym. I have no idea where this came from. I told him the term sounded deragatory and it was mean and he just ignored me then and went about his business then went to bed without saying anything to me. He does this a lot. I just wonder if I should just leave, but I guess I keep hoping things will change. I suspect my friends think I am an idiot to stay and I am beginning to think so too. His temper is so awful we can hardly go a weekend without getting in a big fight and half the time I don't even know what I did. I guess our problems are a lot worse than I originally started this post about.


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

WhereAmI - My therapist has said the same thing - that he is projecting, but I don't exactly understand what it is. How do you fix it/deal with it? I am at my wit's end. 

Thanks.


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

You could spend forever waiting for him to be the guy he used to be. It's just not going to happen, even if some serious action was taken, you have both changed.

I see you have three options.

1. Stay and put up with it.

2. Give him an ultimatum, and follow through if he does not make a serious effort to change.

3. Leave him.

You are wasting your life and are worth far more than that.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

That dialog/behavior is consistent with someone on steroids. How's that problem coming along?


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Syrum - I know you are right, but I have just lacked the courage to do what I know is right. He treats me awful now, starts yelling at me on vacation to get a job or he will leave me and so when I get a job he yells at me for taking a job and not discussing it with him. Then after I quit (it was a horrible job) he tells me he can't support me (he makes 300k!) and I need to find a job. This crap goes on all the time, back and forth with him wanting something different each day. On most weekends he will get mad for something stupid or for no reason at all and not talk to me for a day or two and then he tells me that our marriage sucks and we can't even get along for a weekend or a vacation - what? We can't because he gets mad every weekend and every vacation. 

I realize now I have always done everything he wanted so he has become used to me being a doormat and he can manipulate me. He knows I am afraid when he gets mad and turns red and yells and throws things (he is huge and a former college football player and can look very scary) so I think he uses fear to control me. It is really a sad state of affairs and I know I need to do something about it.


----------



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Regarding the steriods - He has told me he will never stop taking all the crap he takes. He says it makes his joints feel better so he can work out (but I am the "gym rat"), but I think he is just hooked on being huge and trying to look like a college football player still. He was also an amatuer body builder and competed, so I think he is just stuck on looking a certain way and can't handle the fact that he is pushing 50 and can't look 25 forever. If anything he has increased all the crap he takes. I just found an invoice for $1,300 worth of stuff.


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Trooper said:


> Syrum - I know you are right, but I have just lacked the courage to do what I know is right. He treats me awful now, starts yelling at me on vacation to get a job or he will leave me and so when I get a job he yells at me for taking a job and not discussing it with him. Then after I quit (it was a horrible job) he tells me he can't support me (he makes 300k!) and I need to find a job. This crap goes on all the time, back and forth with him wanting something different each day. On most weekends he will get mad for something stupid or for no reason at all and not talk to me for a day or two and then he tells me that our marriage sucks and we can't even get along for a weekend or a vacation - what? We can't because he gets mad every weekend and every vacation.
> 
> I realize now I have always done everything he wanted so he has become used to me being a doormat and he can manipulate me. He knows I am afraid when he gets mad and turns red and yells and throws things (he is huge and a former college football player and can look very scary) so I think he uses fear to control me. It is really a sad state of affairs and I know I need to do something about it.


 He sounds awful. You really don't have to live that way. As scary as it seems, if you move forward without him you will be happy. 

I left my husband who had anger issues last year, and it was scary because I didn't have a job, we have children etc. but I did it and now my house is so much more peaceful and fun. (apart from my teenage daughters mood swings lol). 

I now have a job, my life is different but much better.

I am in a new relationship with someone who wants the same things as me, and who loves me and makes me happy.

The point is that your possibilities for happiness are endless, but not if you stay where you are.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Trooper said:


> Regarding the steriods - He has told me he will never stop taking all the crap he takes. He says it makes his joints feel better so he can work out (but I am the "gym rat"), but I think he is just hooked on being huge and trying to look like a college football player still. He was also an amatuer body builder and competed, so I think he is just stuck on looking a certain way and can't handle the fact that he is pushing 50 and can't look 25 forever. If anything he has increased all the crap he takes. I just found an invoice for $1,300 worth of stuff.


Trooper, I'm so sorry. That explains a lot to me. He is going to kill himself on that stuff. Please take care of yourself and be careful around him. His anger will probably only escalate.


----------

