# Invasion of privacy - grounds for divorce?



## phriscellia (Mar 6, 2015)

I've just been newly married for a few months. We went through our ups and downs and with much difficulty got together. 
We've just moved in together and we realised am issue: my husband keeps using my password-locked user account and peeps at my online activities. Initially I did not complain and tried to be more open because I thought he wants everything to be open, but when I do the same to him (peep at his web activities) he gets annoyed that I am not respecting his privacy. The issue is, why does it not apply both ways? Why is he snooping at me despite wanting me to respect his privacy?
I don't know how I should approach the issue. Other than this everything else is ok.

Edit: it's ok, turns out it was just a misunderstanding after all, he was being bullied online and didn't want me to see it, not because he wants to implement an unfair rule. Also the insertion of privacy was also unintentional as he mistake it for his user account.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

It's definitely a conversation to be had. Openness / honesty needs to go both ways.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If it's not mutual, it's a violation of privacy. It certainly needs to be discussed and mutual boundaries established. Until then, it's a gray area. Then future violations can be cause for whatever consequences deemed fit (unless, of course, you're actually guilty of something, then violations can be justified for self-protection).


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

phriscellia said:


> The issue is, why does it not apply both ways? Why is he snooping at me despite wanting me to respect his privacy?
> I don't know how I should approach the issue. Other than this everything else is ok.


And the fact is, it SHOULD apply both ways - snooping or not snooping.

He's snooping at you and resenting you snooping on him because he's a hypocrite. It's an early bid for domestic dominance. Any others?

You approach the issue head on, if you don't want to be a doormat x,y or z years down the road.

"Hey! Hypocrisy isn't an endearing quality and I won't stand for it. This'll be an equal marriage or no marriage at all. Got it?"


,,, about covers it.

If you let him get away with it, everything else won't be OK for long. Well, it'll be OK for him,, miserable for you.

Don't let the rot set in. Nip that hypocrisy shìt in the bud.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mjalex (Mar 5, 2015)

Can you lock him out by changing a password? See how he reacts, then offer to change it back if you have the same liberties that he has.

It sounds like there's a trust issue with him. It will lead to issues in the future, so it's best to work that out as quick as possible.

Did he act that way before the marriage?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Flying_Dutchman said:


> And the fact is, it SHOULD apply both ways - snooping or not snooping.
> 
> He's snooping at you and resenting you snooping on him because he's a hypocrite. It's an early bid for domestic dominance. Any others?
> 
> ...


:iagree: Hypocrisy at its finest. Like Dutchman says, nip this in the bud NOW. You should BOTH have open access to everything, full transparency. You are going to have SERIOUS issues if you dont stand up for yourself NOW.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did the two of you exchange passwords? If now, how is he getting yours?


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

phriscellia said:


> Edit: it's ok, turns out it was just a misunderstanding after all, he was being bullied online and didn't want me to see it, not because he wants to implement an unfair rule. Also the insertion of privacy was also unintentional as he mistake it for his user account.


Keep an eye open. Many times people get suspicious because of what they are doing. If he was flirting on line, or had something to hide, he may assume you did too. So, he wanted to spy on you, but when you tried to turn the tables he came up with a story. 

The bullying could be true, or it could be something else. Personally, I think in a marriage all account passwords should be shared and you should feel welcome to log on and look at each other's stuff anytime you want (except for maybe the week before your birthday or anniversary, wouldn't want to ruin a surprise!).


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

phriscellia said:


> Edit: it's ok, turns out it was just a misunderstanding after all, he was being bullied online and didn't want me to see it, not because he wants to implement an unfair rule. Also the insertion of privacy was also unintentional as he mistake it for his user account.


Wow, you actually BOUGHT this crap??


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

FrazzledSadHusband said:


> It's definitely a conversation to be had. Openness / honesty needs to go both ways.


Agreed.



phriscellia said:


> I've just been newly married for a few months. We went through our ups and downs and with much difficulty got together.
> We've just moved in together and we realised am issue: my husband keeps using my password-locked user account and peeps at my online activities. Initially I did not complain and tried to be more open because I thought he wants everything to be open, but when I do the same to him (peep at his web activities) he gets annoyed that I am not respecting his privacy. The issue is, why does it not apply both ways? Why is he snooping at me despite wanting me to respect his privacy?
> I don't know how I should approach the issue. Other than this everything else is ok.
> 
> Edit: it's ok, turns out it was just a misunderstanding after all, he was being bullied online and didn't want me to see it, not because he wants to implement an unfair rule. Also the insertion of privacy was also unintentional as he mistake it for his user account.


Hmm... in what why was he being bullied?


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