# Is This As Big Of A Deal As She Is Making It ?



## Taurus94 (Dec 20, 2013)

Recently my wife found out about somethings that I had been doing things behind her back and she is making a big deal about this even though I didn't do anything that bad really. What happened was that she found out that I had been giving money to a female friend so that she could pay her rent and that I had been buy things for this friend and that I went on a trip to Chicago with this friend earlier this year. I don't think what I was doing was that wrong but I would like to get other peoples opinions on this.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

How would you react if you were to find out that she was doing this with a male friend?


----------



## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

In my opinion, I think it’s a big deal if my husband hides anything from me and feels he needs to hide anything in the first place. If it’s a friend in need (male or female) we discuss it before we offer monetary help or even our time and effort. We also have boundaries about going on trips with members of the opposite sex. It sounds like you’re putting yourself in an unwise position going on this trip with this female friend and hiding this from your wife. But hey just my opinion.


----------



## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

You have broken her trust in you...and when trust is broken...it is the hardest thing to get back in a marriage.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Taurus94 said:


> I had been giving money to a female friend so that she could pay her rent


You're married. What to do with money is a joint decision. Especially if it's ongoing financial support of a third, unrelated party! A spouse should be consulting "Hey, my brother still hasn't found a job, and I'd like to help him with his rent, I think we can afford it, but what do you think?"

Also, is this friend supposed to repay you in some fashion?



Taurus94 said:


> I had been buy things for this friend


Again, buying gifts for a friend when there's not a special occasion is unusual enough that it should be a decision made with your spouse. A spouse should be all "Look what I got so-and-so for their birthday. I kept it within budget because it was on sale."



Taurus94 said:


> I went on a trip to Chicago with this friend earlier this year.


Taking trips without your spouse should be a joint decision, unless they are work related.

The issue isn't necessarily that you are doing these things with a friend. The issue is that you are concealing it from your spouse. Did she wonder why you guys had less money lately? What did you tell her you were doing in Chicago? The fact that you are lying, even just by omission, to your spouse is a big problem. Trust is a key foundation of a marriage. The fact that this is a female friend makes the first assumption for the reason for your deception that you are cheating on your wife.

You honestly can't see why your wife would have a problem with you financially supporting and buying gifts for some woman and taking her away on a trip while she feels indebted to you, and NOT TALKING ABOUT ANY OF THIS WITH YOUR WIFE? That is the biggest problem of all.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Although the presumption of innocence is with you, on paper, it still looks awfully suspicious and damning!

Why didn’t you discuss this with your wife? Being married, aren’t you supposed to be “a team!”*


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Not sure how you can use the words “behind her back” and wonder why she would be upset in the same paragraph.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

The short answer is 'yes,' this is a big deal.

What are you doing taking secret trips with another woman? How would you feel if she were taking trips secretly with a man.


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Yes, it is.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Haha, I just read your previous threads. Cheater much? Of COURSE she's got her red flag detection going full blast. You're grooming this other woman for another affair, if you aren't already concealing an active affair, and your wife knows it.


----------



## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

It's a big deal and the fact that you don't think so makes it even worse.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Taurus94 said:


> Recently my wife found out about somethings that I had been doing things behind her back and she is making a big deal about this even though I didn't do anything that bad really. What happened was that she found out that I had been giving money to a female friend so that she could pay her rent and that I had been buy things for this friend and that I went on a trip to Chicago with this friend earlier this year. I don't think what I was doing was that wrong but I would like to get other peoples opinions on this.


You seriously don't know this is a huge deal?

Now I say this not to insult you but have you ever been to a psychiatrist? Reading your posts it seems like your understanding of human relationships specifically the marital kind is not there. The are just normal expectations and understanding typical reactions that any person would have from some of the decisions you are making?

Are you on the spectrum?


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

It's a huge deal. You're stealing from your wife to give to another woman! As one poster had said, you are grooming this woman for an affair. You also went to a trip with this woman & let me guess that the expenses were on you. You cannot convince me that you are not having an affair.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How much money in total have you given this other woman?

What sort of things have you been buying this other woman?

What did your wife think you were doing when you took a trip with another woman? How long was the trip? Where did you go with this woman? Did you pay both for yourself and this other woman?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is this teh same wife taht you cheated on and who was going to divorce you?


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> How much money in total have you given this other woman?
> 
> What sort of things have you been buying this other woman?
> 
> What did your wife think you were doing when you took a trip with another woman? How long was the trip? Where did you go with this woman? Did you pay both for yourself and this other woman?


And how many rooms were booked?


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Roselyn said:


> It's a huge deal. You're stealing from your wife to give to another woman! As one poster had said, you are grooming this woman for an affair. You also went to a trip with this woman & let me guess that the expenses were on you. You cannot convince me that you are not having an affair.


Marital assets used for another woman without the wife's knowledge or consent.

How can anyone think this is not a big deal?


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, in your other post you stated that you are married for two years and you cheated with your sister-in-law for 8 months. Now, you are giving money for rent and buying things for another woman. Why is your wife still hanging around? You are adding more and more to your problems.


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Roselyn said:


> OP, in your other post you stated that you are married for two years and you cheated with your sister-in-law for 8 months. Now, you are giving money for rent and buying things for another woman. Why is your wife still hanging around? You are adding more and more to your problems.


Since he can't understand what he did was wrong he'll keep adding to that pile of problems.


----------



## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

She is telling you she's angry about it... Why are you asking? Yes, it is wrong to give several hundreds of dollars for rent and gifts to anyone without speaking to your wife. I am also curious as to the nature of the trip you took with this woman. 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

And this will be another thread I'm going to sit back and be entertained by...


----------



## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Your wife is going to have a really hard time believing you're not cheating with this chick. You're her sugar daddy. That's already a form of cheating. Heck, truth be told, I think you're sleeping with her too. I can't believe that you're surprised your wife thinks it's a big deal. It's a huge deal. I find out my spouse is a sugar mama to some dude? She's gone.


----------



## Taurus94 (Dec 20, 2013)

Rob_1 said:


> How would you react if you were to find out that she was doing this with a male friend?


I would be okay with it as long as she wasn't doing anything wrong.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> And this will be another thread I'm going to sit back and be entertained by...


That's too bad... of all the TAMers, I think I would have enjoyed seeing your response to this thread most of all.


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Taurus94 said:


> I would be okay with it as long as she wasn't doing anything wrong.


The problem here is that you don't get how wrong it is.


----------



## Taurus94 (Dec 20, 2013)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> You're married. What to do with money is a joint decision. Especially if it's ongoing financial support of a third, unrelated party! A spouse should be consulting "Hey, my brother still hasn't found a job, and I'd like to help him with his rent, I think we can afford it, but what do you think?"
> 
> Also, is this friend supposed to repay you in some fashion?
> 
> ...


She doesn't really have to pay me back in anyway and my wife did kind of wonder why we had less money and I just told her that I was going to Chicago for personal reasons and that I would bring something back for her and are daughter . I can't honestly see why she has a problem with because I'm just being a good friend and I don't feel like I should tell her everything that I do when she isn't around.


----------



## Taurus94 (Dec 20, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *Although the presumption of innocence is with you, on paper, it still looks awfully suspicious and damning!
> 
> Why didn’t you discuss this with your wife? Being married, aren’t you supposed to be “a team!”*


I just don't feel like I should discuss everything with her.


----------



## Taurus94 (Dec 20, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> The short answer is 'yes,' this is a big deal.
> 
> What are you doing taking secret trips with another woman? How would you feel if she were taking trips secretly with a man.


I just went on the trip with her because the person she was originally going with couldn't go anymore and she didn't want to go alone so she asked me to go with her. I would be okay with it as long as they were going as friends.


----------



## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Taurus94 said:


> I just don't feel like I should discuss everything with her.


No worries. You can eventually discuss things through the lawyers.


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

@She'sStillGotIt


Pass the popcorn please


----------



## Taurus94 (Dec 20, 2013)

sokillme said:


> You seriously don't know this is a huge deal?
> 
> Now I say this not to insult you but have you ever been to a psychiatrist? Reading your posts it seems like your understanding of human relationships specifically the marital kind is not there. The are just normal expectations and understanding typical reactions that any person would have from some of the decisions you are making?
> 
> Are you on the spectrum?


I've never once been to a psychiatrist and I don't think that I'm on the spectrum.


----------



## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

What a load of bull. This is either a joke or this guy is a complete waste of space.

Don't feed it.


----------



## Taurus94 (Dec 20, 2013)

Roselyn said:


> It's a huge deal. You're stealing from your wife to give to another woman! As one poster had said, you are grooming this woman for an affair. You also went to a trip with this woman & let me guess that the expenses were on you. You cannot convince me that you are not having an affair.


I'm not grooming her for an affair I was just trying to be a good friend and she paid for her own stuff on the trip but I'm not going to waste anymore time try to convince you otherwise.


----------



## Taurus94 (Dec 20, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> How much money in total have you given this other woman?
> 
> What sort of things have you been buying this other woman?
> 
> What did your wife think you were doing when you took a trip with another woman? How long was the trip? Where did you go with this woman? Did you pay both for yourself and this other woman?


I haven't really been keeping track of much money I've given her and I've bought things like a PS4 and games for it and I bought her a new phone and the trip was just a daytrip and went to places navy pier and shedd aquarium and we paid for are own things and also this is the same wife from before.


----------



## Taurus94 (Dec 20, 2013)

Malaise said:


> And how many rooms were booked?


We didn't need to book any rooms.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Taurus94 said:


> I've never once been to a psychiatrist and I don't think that I'm on the spectrum.


You're right. You probably don't need a psychiatrist... 

... just a serious 2x4 upside the head.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Taurus94 said:


> Recently my wife found out about somethings that I had been doing things behind her back and she is making a big deal about this even though I didn't do anything that bad really. What happened was that she found out that I had been giving money to a female friend so that she could pay her rent and that I had been buy things for this friend and that I went on a trip to Chicago with this friend earlier this year. I don't think what I was doing was that wrong but I would like to get other peoples opinions on this.


Yeah, you screwed up. Imagine your W giving money to her male friend, pay his bills and going on a trip without your knowledge. 

Good luck.


----------



## Taurus94 (Dec 20, 2013)

Roselyn said:


> OP, in your other post you stated that you are married for two years and you cheated with your sister-in-law for 8 months. Now, you are giving money for rent and buying things for another woman. Why is your wife still hanging around? You are adding more and more to your problems.


My wife is still hang around because she loves me and wants to make it for the sake of are daughter.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Taurus94 said:


> I've never once been to a psychiatrist and I don't think that I'm on the spectrum.


Consider it.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Taurus94 said:


> I would be okay with it as long as she wasn't doing anything wrong.


I call BS on that.


----------



## Taurus94 (Dec 20, 2013)

BAN919 said:


> She is telling you she's angry about it... Why are you asking? Yes, it is wrong to give several hundreds of dollars for rent and gifts to anyone without speaking to your wife. I am also curious as to the nature of the trip you took with this woman.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


I'm just as because I wanted to know if people thought I was in the wrong with what I was in the right or in the wrong with what I did.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Taurus94 said:


> She doesn't really have to pay me back in anyway and my wife did kind of wonder why we had less money and I just told her that I was going to Chicago for personal reasons and that I would bring something back for her and are daughter . I can't honestly see why she has a problem with because I'm just being a good friend and I don't feel like I should tell her everything that I do when she isn't around.


Good luck with your marriage.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Taurus94 said:


> My wife is still hang around because she loves me and wants to make it for the sake of are daughter.


Hey, just for fun have your W sign up and start posting here. Let's hear your W side of the story.


----------



## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

Taurus94 said:


> I'm just as because I wanted to know if people thought I was in the wrong with what I was in the right or in the wrong with what I did.


If someone you love is hurting or upset then you did something wrong. Also, out of everything I said you focused on the absolute wrong part. If your partner is telling you something is wrong and they are upset it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. You need to address their feelings and not diminish them.

Even in your first post by you saying I don't think it is all that wrong or bad you are already trying to avoid responsibility and devaluing her feelings.

Bottom line you were very much in the wrong and based on this post and your others you probably should not be married. You should probably get some counseling for yourself. 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


----------



## Taurus94 (Dec 20, 2013)

VermiciousKnid said:


> Your wife is going to have a really hard time believing you're not cheating with this chick. You're her sugar daddy. That's already a form of cheating. Heck, truth be told, I think you're sleeping with her too. I can't believe that you're surprised your wife thinks it's a big deal. It's a huge deal. I find out my spouse is a sugar mama to some dude? She's gone.


I wouldn't call it being a sugar daddy I just call it trying to be a good friend to her and I'm not sleeping with her.


----------



## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

Honestly if you can't even possibly see what is wrong with any of this... Please get a divorce and a psychiatrist. 

Good grief. 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Taurus94 said:


> I'm just as because I wanted to know if people thought I was in the wrong with what I was in the right or in the wrong with what I did.


You are completely in the wrong.


----------



## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

Taurus94 said:


> I wouldn't call it being a sugar daddy I just call it trying to be a good friend to her and I'm not sleeping with her.


Dude, you are giving your "friend" more consideration than you give your wife.

Work on being a good husband before you start branching off to friends. 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

If my husband were giving money to another woman, period.... I would divorce, kids or no kids. Because we wouldn't have a marriage, not my definition of one.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Taurus94 said:


> I wouldn't call it being a sugar daddy I just call it trying to be a good friend to her and *I'm not sleeping with her*.


Why not?


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

BAN919 said:


> Dude, you are giving your "friend" more consideration than you give your wife.
> 
> Work on being a good husband before you start branching off to friends.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


He said he would bring back a gift for his W and daughter. Isn't that enough?


----------



## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

Yeswecan said:


> He said he would bring back a gift for his W and daughter. Isn't that enough?


Well, as long as he is bringing back gifts... I mean, she can't stay mad at him then. Obviously he was just thinking of them. 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Taurus94 said:


> I just don't feel like I should discuss everything with her.


*Unfortunately, wanton secrecy against ones spouse largely leads to out and out infidelity or certainly, in the least, the gross appearance of it! 

Think about it!*


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

BAN919 said:


> Well, as long as he is bringing back gifts... I mean, she can't stay mad at him then. Obviously he was just thinking of them.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


Exactly. Looks good from where I'm sitting. Not....


----------



## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


----------



## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> He said he would bring back a gift for his W and daughter. Isn't that enough?


Chlamydia would make a nice gift. He doesn't even have to wrap it. 

Maybe a LOL Split Home Surprise doll for the kid. It's all the rage this season.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

This is YOUR problem, not your wife's.

It really, seriously, very much is.

You have heard from all of us that what you did is not OK in a marriage. You've already cheated on your wife. Now you've got a secret relationship with a 'just friend.'

You sound like you don't understand what it means to be married. AND you don't understand what it means to HURT your spouse the way you continuously do. 

You need to grow up. If you can't be an honorable married man, then don't be married.

You don't get a pass on crushing the heart of your spouse because you 'don't agree with her interpretation.'

You think that it would be OK with you if your wife did the same thing? I don't think so. The reason I don't think so is that, even if you haven't slept with your 'friend,' I would bet the farm that you WANT to sleep with her. And if you think you don't want to sleep with her, just give your 'friendship' some time - you will eventually find yourself kissing her and then in bed - that's the slippery slope you are on. Your W knows that. We know it. We know that the secrecy is a betrayal in and of itself.


(Now ask me what farm I'm talking about. I'm expecting that.)


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

zookeeper said:


> Chlamydia would make a nice gift. *He doesn't even have to wrap it*.
> 
> Maybe a LOL Split Home Surprise doll for the kid. It's all the rage this season.


In fact, wrapping it would preclude getting the gift in the first place...


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

zookeeper said:


> Maybe a LOL Split Home Surprise doll for the kid. It's all the rage this season.


Well hell I would like one myself.


----------



## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Taurus94 said:


> I wouldn't call it being a sugar daddy I just call it trying to be a good friend to her and I'm not sleeping with her.


Be this as it may, nobody is going to believe you. You really set yourself up for disaster. Your wife thinks you're screwing this woman, so will most others. Your marital relationship has to always come first. You knew your wife wouldn't approve of this. You can't put being a good friend over being a good husband.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Taurus94 said:


> Recently my wife found out about somethings that I had been doing things behind her back and she is making a big deal about this even though I didn't do anything that bad really. What happened was that she found out that I had been giving money to a female friend so that she could pay her rent and that I had been buy things for this friend and that I went on a trip to Chicago with this friend earlier this year. I don't think what I was doing was that wrong but I would like to get other peoples opinions on this.


Seriously?

I'm amazed she hasn't taken you to the cleaners in divorce court.

You can't possibly be as unintelligent as this post makes you look!?!


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Even if the friend was a guy, or your sister, or hell even your mom, you still deceived your wife. Considering it was another woman and you have a history of cheating I don't understand why your wife isn't working on becoming your ex. 

I don't believe it one bit you are confused as to why your wife is mad, you're just looking for that needle in the haystack that will support you.


----------



## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

i can't believe that the wife you cheated on before has the nerve to get mad at you for blowing well over a thousand dollars on some other chick behind her back.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Yes, this is a problem. The fact that you don't see that it's a problem is in many ways worse. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


----------



## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

toblerone said:


> i can't believe that the wife you cheated on before has the nerve to get mad at you for blowing well over a thousand dollars on some other chick behind her back.


I know, right? She is such an unreasonable wench. How does he live like this? 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> And this will be another thread I'm going to sit back and be entertained by...


There you go - letting us all down.:grin2:


----------



## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

Should she tell you if she wins a $100 million dollar lottery?


----------



## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

It's amazing what some people will put up with.

Even if this particular story is a work of fiction, I've read worse.

Although sometimes it's just because they want to keep the appearance of an unbroken home for the child and/or they're secretly preparing for divorce.


----------



## Tellingmyside (Nov 29, 2017)

Bonkers said:


> It's amazing what some people will put up with.
> 
> Even if this particular story is a work of fiction, I've read worse.
> 
> Although sometimes it's just because they want to keep the appearance of an unbroken home for the child and/or they're secretly preparing for divorce.


Unfortunately this is my reality I'm an idiot for taking him back and trusting him again and I'm a idiot for staying with him and trying to make things work for my daughter.


----------



## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Tellingmyside said:


> Unfortunately this is my reality I'm an idiot for taking him back and trusting him again and I'm a idiot for staying with him and trying to make things work for my daughter.


If the OP is your hubby then he didn't learn a thing from his first cheating episode. I'm sorry you're in this position. People here can give some great advice.


----------



## Tellingmyside (Nov 29, 2017)

Taurus94 said:


> I would be okay with it as long as she wasn't doing anything wrong.


That is a complete lie if I did that you would be very upset with me like how I'm feeling with you right now.


----------



## Penny905 (Mar 28, 2014)

If you wouldn't do it with you spouse watching you, then you know there is something wrong with what you are doing!


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Taurus94 said:


> I just went on the trip with her because the person she was originally going with couldn't go anymore and she didn't want to go alone so she asked me to go with her. I would be okay with it as long as they were going as friends.


Good god. May this wide RUN to the lawyer... like YESTERDAY. No wonder she says she does not trust you. (Other thread.) You connection with reality is not tenuous. It is nonexistent.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Taurus94 said:


> My wife is still hang around because *she loves me* and wants to make it for the sake of are daughter.


God help her. My prayers, such as they are, will include the fog being lifted from her entirely too accepting brain.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Tellingmyside said:


> Unfortunately this is my reality I'm an idiot for taking him back and trusting him again and I'm a idiot for staying with him and trying to make things work for my daughter.


Your intentions are honorable. It does not make you an idiot.


----------



## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

It is a big deal to her, so it is a big deal.


----------



## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Husband vs. Wife on the forum.

These things don't usually go very well although they can be somewhat interesting.


----------



## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Tellingmyside said:


> Unfortunately this is my reality I'm an idiot for taking him back and trusting him again and I'm a idiot for staying with him and trying to make things work for my daughter.


It doesn't have to be reality for eternity.

Every day is an opportunity for a change.

In this case just about ANY change is a significant improvement.


----------



## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Taurus94 said:


> Recently my wife found out about somethings that I had been doing things behind her back and she is making a big deal about this even though I didn't do anything that bad really. What happened was that she found out that I had been giving money to a female friend so that she could pay her rent and that I had been buy things for this friend and that I went on a trip to Chicago with this friend earlier this year. I don't think what I was doing was that wrong but I would like to get other peoples opinions on this.


Seriously?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Since reality is warped for you my friend, I think she should find a nice "friend" who likes spending money on her, takes her on trips, is charming and sexy, and being well endowed wouldn't hurt as well as very skillful.

Why not?😈


----------



## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

Um? Can the two of you speak in person about this instead of fighting via internet forum? Just a thought. 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


----------



## entropy4hunt (Nov 26, 2017)

If I did this to my wife I am pretty sure she would consider it cheating. She would be devastated. Therefore, I would never do something like this. Yeah man, what you did with this other girl was wrong. It sound to me you don't like the life of a married man, and you don't have to live that life. I feel bad for your wife.


----------



## entropy4hunt (Nov 26, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> and being well endowed wouldn't hurt as well as very skillful.
> 
> Why not?😈


:laugh::laugh::laugh:


----------



## Tellingmyside (Nov 29, 2017)

BAN919 said:


> Um? Can the two of you speak in person about this instead of fighting via internet forum? Just a thought.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


well we just finished talking in person and to make a long story short he finally told me the truth he has been sleeping with this other woman and he told me he still wants to make are marriage work and I told him that I'm done with him and he just left to go stay with the other woman.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Taurus94 said:


> I'm just as because I wanted to know if people thought I was in the wrong with what I was in the right or in the wrong with what I did.


You committed adultery. Your wife gave you a chance to save the marriage. Your one job, for the rest of your life, is to not even give so much as an impression that you are behaving inappropriately. Not even the merest hint of infidelity. So what do you do? You lie to your wife, embezzle marital funds, skulk off on a trip with the woman you were lying and embezzling for and you honestly can't see why your wife would be upset at your myriad current betrayals heaped on top of your past betrayals? Really? Either you're on the spectrum or have some mental illness and truly don't "get it" or you're being deliberately obtuse because you want to justify your sleazy behavior. 

Wake up and thank whatever you believe in you aren't my husband. I'd pack you up, drop you off at your female friends house with all of your gear, explain to her that you're her problem now and the two of you WILL be paying me my half of every damn dime spent, possibly beat the living snot out of one or both of you, go home, change the locks, schedule an appointment with a lawyer, and make it my sole mission in life to ruin you.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Tellingmyside said:


> well we just finished talking in person and to make a long story short he finally told me the truth he has been sleeping with this other woman and he told me he still wants to make are marriage work and I told him that I'm done with him and he just left to go stay with the other woman.


Be strong. This guy sounds like a total tool. Get on over to coping with infidelity. I would advise you start your own thread. LOTS of people have been there and can help you negotiate this painful and difficult road and help see you to the other side. I am so sorry.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Tellingmyside said:


> well we just finished talking in person and to make a long story short he finally told me the truth he has been sleeping with this other woman and he told me he still wants to make are marriage work and I told him that I'm done with him and he just left to go stay with the other woman.


I read this post after I posted. I am so sorry for what you're going through. If you need us, we TAM folk are fairly awesome at supporting people going through infidelity and/or divorce.


----------



## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Tellingmyside said:


> well we just finished talking in person and to make a long story short he finally told me the truth he has been sleeping with this other woman and he told me he still wants to make are marriage work and I told him that I'm done with him and he just left to go stay with the other woman.


I wonder what prompted him to confess.


----------



## DaveinOC (Oct 15, 2017)

how can anyone be so completely devoid of common sense. Why is your wife supposed to be ok with you 1)going behind her back to hide his interaction with his "friend" 2)pay rent for another woman 3)buy gifts for another woman 4)go on a mini trip with another woman. no like what do YOU really think? did you even think about what you are asking on here or is it not clear to you that you had to ask. smh 

man up and instead of being completely selfish, try to see things from HER perspective. would YOU be ok if your wife was either buying or receiving gifts from her little "friend" or go on trips with him. 

come on guy


----------



## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Tellingmyside said:


> well we just finished talking in person and to make a long story short he finally told me the truth he has been sleeping with this other woman and he told me he still wants to make are marriage work and I told him that I'm done with him and he just left to go stay with the other woman.


I'm sorry you're going through this.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

@Tellingmyside

Also, make an appointment with your doctor or at the local county health department, if you're too embarrassed to see your regular doctor, for a complete STD screening. Even if your husband used condoms, there is still a chance he brought home some funk.


----------



## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

well we just finished talking in person and to make a long story short he finally told me the truth he has been sleeping with this other woman and he told me he still wants to make are marriage work and I told him that I'm done with him and he just left to go stay with the other woman.[/QUOTE]

So sorry that this has happened. You’re brave to tell him to you will no longer participate in this lie.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

I don't normally advise this, but I would see a lawyer and do my best to take him to the cleaners as they say. Fully justified as far as I'm concerned.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Taurus94 said:


> I just don't feel like I should discuss everything with her.


Then why are you married? There are many men and women who are happy to be "kept" and paid for their friends with benefits services. Yes, I saw the outcome. This comment just irritated me.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I'm not surprised at the turn this has taken. Be strong and head over to the CWI section and tell your story. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Taurus,

Your older posts said you cheated with her sister if that is correct.

Yet you continue to engage in boundary pushing and pre-affair behavior, are you completely blind to the post traumatic stress your W must be feeling? Given what you did a lie, ANY LIE, is like a hand grenade in your marriage.

Tamat


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Taurus94 said:


> I'm not grooming her for an affair I was just trying to be a good friend and she paid for her own stuff on the trip but I'm not going to waste anymore time try to convince you otherwise.


Taurus, you're so deceitful. I was right when I said that you cannot convince me that you are not sleeping with this woman who you paid her rent to, trips, and gave gifts. Your wife posted here that you've admitted that you're sleeping with this woman. Man, you're thick!


----------



## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Sorry if this is too much for this forum. Mods can delete this if they want, but I just couldn't help but to see where the breadcrumbs led to:

In 2013,



Taurus94 said:


> First to 6301, I just want to say that I just don't think I could just move on and find someone else, because I love her too much to do that.
> Second to Bashfulbull, I have tried to ask her about this. But whenever I try to ask her about this she just gets angry at me and just refuse to tell me anything about this beyond it's just a hobby. Then she stops talking to me for a few hours. so I don't really know if she interested in the psychology of serial killers, or the killings. But I'm going to guess it's the killings since last I checked she still wants to become a hairdresser not a profiler or anything like that.
> Lastly, I just want to thank you both for your reply's.


Two years later, in 2015, he wants to know if he should tell his wife about the affair with her sister:



Taurus94 said:


> My affair lasted for eight months. They get along pretty well, so I don't think that was revenge on my wife.


Then, another cherry on top, we find out he's only been married a little over two years:



Taurus94 said:


> We did try counseling but that didn't workout for us. She wants a divorce because she can't forgive for cheating on her. Another reason is that she thinks that I'm selfish and that I don't really care about and she also doesn't want to keep living with someone that she can't trust. Those are pretty much the basic reasons why.
> We have been married for two years and we have a one year old daughter together.



To end it all, he tries to come here for 'advice' on how to lie to his wife about his most current affair.


----------



## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Taurus94 said:


> Recently my wife found out about somethings that I had been doing things behind her back and she is making a big deal about this even though I didn't do anything that bad really. What happened was that she found out that I had been giving money to a female friend so that she could pay her rent and that I had been buy things for this friend and that I went on a trip to Chicago with this friend earlier this year. I don't think what I was doing was that wrong but I would like to get other peoples opinions on this.


Here's the question - WHY did you do this "behind her back"? If you can honestly tell her "Darling, I actually told you about this, but I guess you forgot", then perhaps she's not in a position to complain. However, if you intentionally hide anything from your spouse, then you already know you should not be doing it.

DD


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Taurus94 said:


> Recently my wife found out about somethings that I had been doing things behind her back and she is making a big deal about this even though I didn't do anything that bad really. What happened was that she found out that I had been giving money to a female friend so that she could pay her rent and that I had been buy things for this friend and that I went on a trip to Chicago with this friend earlier this year. I don't think what I was doing was that wrong but I would like to get other peoples opinions on this.


It’s a big deal.

DUH.


----------



## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Taurus94 said:


> Recently my wife found out about somethings that I had been doing things behind her back and she is making a big deal about this even though I didn't do anything that bad really. What happened was that she found out that I had been giving money to a female friend so that she could pay her rent and that I had been buy things for this friend and that I went on a trip to Chicago with this friend earlier this year. I don't think what I was doing was that wrong but I would like to get other peoples opinions on this.


Its a big deal, I would be pissed and have lost all trust in you.


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Taurus94 said:


> Recently my wife found out about somethings that I had been doing things behind her back and she is making a big deal about this even though I didn't do anything that bad really. What happened was that she found out that I had been giving money to a female friend so that she could pay her rent and that I had been buy things for this friend and that I went on a trip to Chicago with this friend earlier this year. I don't think what I was doing was that wrong but I would like to get other peoples opinions on this.


Well, if roles were reversed, would you take kindly to your wife doing these things with another man? How would you feel if she hid it from you? Lying by omission is still lying, and personally, that is what I find upsetting about this. I don't think your wife is blowing anything out of proportion, unless that other woman is your sister.


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Taurus94 said:


> I wouldn't call it being a sugar daddy I just call it trying to be a good friend to her and I'm not sleeping with her.


I separated from my husband this summer, and times have been rough, both emotionally and financially. Boy, would it ever be nice to have a friend like you who would help with my mortgage! :grin2:

And, I think we lost the OP...


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

/


----------



## trueblue2017 (Dec 1, 2017)

All three of these things, if you were not completely and totally up front with your wife, are in fact VERY BAD and actually, for me, would seriously make me consider divorce or separation.

I believe in brutal honesty. If I found out that my husband was doing any of those three things it would be a huge betrayal.

Affairs do not start in the bedroom. They start with bonding, friendship and closeness. There is no room for THAT CLOSE of a friendship with the opposite sex that your wife doesn't know about or is not involved in. 

You are taking money from your marital pool and giving it to another woman!??? This is a HUGE deal.

You are buying things for another woman, this is a HUGE DEAL.

You are going on a trip with another woman - that your wife did not know about? That is a HUGE DEAL.

Better question here is, what in the world makes you think this behavior is "not so bad?" What would constitute bad? Can your wife go on trips with a hunky guy that she's friends with? Can she buy him things, cologne, a shirt, help him pay his rent? If she didn't tell you and you found this out - what would you think??? If, on the other hand, you are both very OPEN and have that type of relationship, that's a different story. But from what you're saying, it sounds like you don't, and like she didn't know this. If YOU think it's ok and WANT this type of relationship - and she doesn't - then I would say that's a major relationship difference and something you need to discuss and define! 

So, in short, YES, you are doing something VERY WRONG and something that in many cases could be construed as betrayal.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

If I'm not mistaken, OP's BW came on a few pages back and reported that he confessed that he had been sleeping with his 'friend.'


----------



## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

alte Dame said:


> If I'm not mistaken, OP's BW came on a few pages back and reported that he confessed that he had been sleeping with his 'friend.'




Yup. He left and is with the OW apparently. Good place for him.
We can expect to hear from her in a couple of years with the same story.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> @Rocky Mountain Yeti LOL...I'm not sure if you're serious, but if you are, I chose to sit this one out because it just didn't pass the sniff test. :laugh:


In general (note: I said 'in general'), men don't like female ball-busters until they want to see some other poor slob writhing on the ground.>


----------



## Tellingmyside (Nov 29, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'll assume it's because the 'story' went stale so a new drama element had to be added to the mix to stir the pot.
> 
> Enter: the wife with a sudden "confession" she got from our hero.
> 
> ...


The real reason he confessed is because he put himself in a position where he coouldn't maintain the lie anymore.


----------



## Tellingmyside (Nov 29, 2017)

Rhubarb said:


> Errrrrrr.........Sorry I'm new here. Is this for real? I mean I'm not trying to offend you Taurus but it's really hard the believe anyone woudn't know the answer to your question. It just seems kind of over the top.


It's real my STBXH knew the answer he just wanted someone to help him explain away the cheating. I'm just answering for him because he will never come back to this forum again.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> @Rocky Mountain Yeti LOL...I'm not sure if you're serious, but if you are, I chose to sit this one out because it just didn't pass the sniff test. :laugh:


Oh, I was dead serious. This was so fraught with cluelessness, idiocy, and self centered ignorance, I figured it really deserved a classic ShesStillGotIt response. But as you say, the level of ridiculousness expressed in the OP brings its veracity into question.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Taurus94 said:


> I wouldn't call it being a sugar daddy I just call it trying to be a good friend to her and I'm not sleeping with her.


 Based on the fact that you had an 8 month affair with your wife’s sister that ended only 2 years ago, if you are not already sleeping with this other woman (OM), you are grooming her such that you soon will be. If your wife were posting instead of you, I would be telling her not believe you when you say that you are just good friends with this OM, because I sure don’t.


----------



## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

They are 25 years old and have a child.

THEY need to GROW THE **** UP.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

inmyprime said:


> What I find more mysterious is why there is a rule against calling someone out. Is it to protect the OP or the content that’s posted...


The rule exists because of exactly what has happened on this thread. The thread goes off track and becomes a thread about whether or not the OP is a troll. That causes problems for TAM because it drives other posters away.

The rule is that if you think a poster, or in this case two posters, are troll, hit the report button and notify the mods. And then stop posting on the thread. Nothing drives a troll away quicker than not getting any replies. They love the arguments about whether or not they are a troll.. because the purpose of a troll is to cause trouble.

So starve trolls of attention. How hard is that to remember and do?


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> The rule is that if you think a poster, or in this case two posters, are troll, hit the report button and notify the mods.


 Once the mods are aware that many people think that a poster is a troll, other than the mods deleting posts by posters stating such, what actions do the mods do to the posts of the alleged troll? If the mods determine that the alleged troll is in fact a troll, do they lock the thread? If they do not lock the thread, does that mean that the mods have determined that they are not a troll?


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Taurus94 said:


> My wife is still hang around because she loves me and wants to make it for the sake of are daughter.


I hope your wife opens her eyes and gets a cut throat lawyer that takes you for everything. 

You are beyond the ability to understand.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TRy said:


> Once the mods are aware that many people think that a poster is a troll, other than the mods deleting posts by posters stating such, what actions do the mods do to the posts of the alleged troll? If the mods determine that the alleged troll is in fact a troll, do they lock the thread? If they do not lock the thread, does that mean that the mods have determined that they are not a troll?


Mods are looking into this issue. If we determine that there is a troll posting, the thread will be locked and the troll(s) banned. It can often take time to determine if a person is a troll, if it's one person with two accounts, or two people.


----------



## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Taurus
> 
> ^^^ Whatever they are, they don't change; unless it personally benefits them to do so.


Which is true for most people, therefore by definition, true for Tauran and non-Taurans alike.

While we are born with a drive to do more and do better...after a while, people have done all the easy stuff, and then learning/doing something new costs time, money, removal from social life, etc...so we start measuring benefits versus cost, and carefully select those things with enough benefit.

Sometimes, it's intentional. "Darn it, that's the fourth time this year that my impatience led me to a bad decision, so I'm going to read up on how to improve my patience>

Sometimes, it's thrust upon us "Darling, I can't do it any more. Unless you start doing more housework and spending more time taking care of the kids, I'm going to divorce you. Your presence actually adds to my work and I'm worn out."


----------

