# is there something better?



## married2myBF (Apr 11, 2012)

My wife and i have been best friends since the age of 12. we havent had any other boyfriend or girlfriend. my wife hasnt even kissed any other guy, though through my teenage years i kissed a few girls.

we just went through our 7-year itch, and it really tested our resolve to stay together. we got over it but not without some permanent rifts. now in our 8th year of marriage, my wife and i hit 30, and her sexual drive has skyrocketed. it's always been more than mine, but now it's extreme. we have more of a best friend relationship than a romantic one, and she's wondering if she wants to spend her whole life with just her best friend without exploring any "romantically driven" one.

we love eachother like crazy...
that's the backstory.

the question is...what to do? our lease is up in 2 months and she has been entertaining the thought of getting separate apartments...

i think we have a bond that's rare, and believe there is nothing better out there...

any thoughts?


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

If she wants separate apartments, then you two should be talking to a lawyer to sort out a divorce. 

Sounds to me like because you are either unwilling or unable to satisfy her, she wants the option to be able to have her own space to have someone else satisfy it for her, away from you.


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## GinaMarie (Oct 17, 2012)

I am going through a very tough time with my husband who is my soulmate.

I downloaded an ebook called "the magic of breaking up" it gives you help and advice on how to get through this difficult time.

I would suggest you respect her decision but you can try this book.

Best of luck.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Why do you not want to have sex with her?
Do you feel any desire for her?
Do you find other women desirable?

How often do you have sex?

Personally I'd be very very unhappy living in a low sex marriage.
To me sex not only helps me feel connected to my husband it's also about the most fun I have. It's adult playtime. I love to feel sexy and desirable to my man. It's something to look forward to because it makes me feel so good mentally, emotionally and physically.

I can be great mates with many people... I love several of my best friends but the intimacy i get from sex with my husband makes our relationship different and special.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

married2myBF said:


> the question is...what to do? our lease is up in 2 months and she has been entertaining the thought of getting separate apartments...
> 
> i think we have a bond that's rare, and believe there is nothing better out there...
> 
> any thoughts?


Yes, I have this thought: If you are seriously entertaining her suggestion, then I think that you are out of your mind. Additionally, what was hell was going through her mind by even suggesting it?


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## married2myBF (Apr 11, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> Yes, I have this thought: If you are seriously entertaining her suggestion, then I think that you are out of your mind. Additionally, what was hell was going through her mind by even suggesting it?


hey - you cant just say that without elaborating! what do you mean?? why are we out of our minds?


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## married2myBF (Apr 11, 2012)

Juicer said:


> Sounds to me like because you are either unwilling or unable to satisfy her...


believe me, i'm a great lover. even if we do make love...once a week...it's to both our satisfaction, i make sure of it.

is once a week low? we're best friends! it's not like i want to tear her clothes off whenever i see her! we didnt marry solely for attraction, even though we find eachother attractive, she's not a sex-object for me.


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## married2myBF (Apr 11, 2012)

waiwera said:


> Why do you not want to have sex with her?
> Do you feel any desire for her?
> Do you find other women desirable?
> 
> How often do you have sex?


Yes, i think she's beautiful...but often i do find other women more desirable if we're speaking strictly about physical attraction...

we make love once a week, usually. there are times though where a couple of weeks may go by...i'm ashamed to say i dont notice...she does.

but is that grounds to seek a separation? doesnt every relationship eventually lead to more of a friendship and companionship than just sex??


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Uhh OP... I'm with my best friend as well. I love the fact that he wants to tear my clothes off and ravage me. Him and I have 3 kids together and we have sex daily... once a week may not be low to you but apparently it is to your wife? Why not compromise by increasing frequency? There is no reason that I can see why best friends can't be sexually attractive to one another either...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

A relationship only dies out if you let it. One needs to put in time and effort to keep it working and make sure that flame never dies out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

married2myBF said:


> My wife and i have been best friends since the age of 12. we havent had any other boyfriend or girlfriend. my wife hasnt even kissed any other guy, though through my teenage years i kissed a few girls.
> 
> we just went through our 7-year itch, and it really tested our resolve to stay together. we got over it but not without some permanent rifts. now in our 8th year of marriage, my wife and i hit 30, and her sexual drive has skyrocketed. it's always been more than mine, but now it's extreme. we have more of a best friend relationship than a romantic one, and she's wondering if she wants to spend her whole life with just her best friend without exploring any "romantically driven" one.
> 
> ...


Not again.....

I have to leave these forums, the male sex is disappearing in too much fat, too much sugar, too much Estrogen everyhwere. Everybody gets female in the end I guess. It must be in the water. 

It's disgusting.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

married2myBF said:


> * we love eachother like crazy...
> that's the backstory.
> 
> the question is...what to do? our lease is up in 2 months and ** she has been entertaining the thought of getting separate apartments...
> ...



Lets look at your losing points please.
* It appears that this is not strickly true. YOU may love her like crazy but I do not see a W returning that if she thinks your her friend. Its not a romantic but platonic affection.

** It appears she has decided in her mind that there is no future other than a potential platonic one and I suspect where she gets her own place she will see more of her new romantic friend that you. I state this because she IS looking to try out her sexual curiosity and at present you appear not to be in that thought process and not meeting her needs there either. That is especially evident as she is literally checking the timelines between your sexual encounters. Therefore she wants the gaps filled. 

*** The bond you have is rare?
I think the bond you have is rare in your mind not in hers. A husband and wife should be best friends that is part of the marridge process. But you are now likely to be demoted in to "just a friend " category. 

In your position I would be (I'm sad to say) preparing not only for your contracted lease to end but your marridge. The tone of suggestion is that your W wants sexual adventure which by your own statements didnt really happen in the normal teenage water testing ages. Your W is looking for the sexual satisfaction that at the age of 30 in most relationships is running around peak. 
Have you really considered making the effort to satisfy her sexually even when your not initially in the mood, 
Have you spoken of the differing "needs" to your W, is there an issue your side which could be helped with some medical intervention. All these are suggested as assumptions from your initial post. But you really need to look into talking about sexual need (as previously suggested ) as your W is telling you whats wrong and how to put it right. However, Im certin as other might be that your W IS starting the seperation process by suggesting the differing living locations. This is to allow her freedom to move on to others.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I can't say I blame her for wanting more than a glorified roommate.

Maybe it would help the relationship if you spent some time apart and dated each other again.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

See_Listen_Love said:


> Everybody gets female in the end I guess. It must be in the water.
> 
> It's disgusting.


What's disgusting about being female? Sheesh.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I have a best friend. WE love to shop together, share recipes and pinterest ideas.

I want a LOVER in my home and bedroom.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> What's disgusting about being female? Sheesh.


Nothing...unless you don't have the parts to be one...


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

married2myBF said:


> My wife and i have been best friends since the age of 12. we havent had any other boyfriend or girlfriend. my wife hasnt even kissed any other guy, though through my teenage years i kissed a few girls.
> 
> we just went through our 7-year itch, and it really tested our resolve to stay together. we got over it but not without some permanent rifts. now in our 8th year of marriage, my wife and i hit 30, and her sexual drive has skyrocketed. it's always been more than mine, but now it's extreme. we have more of a best friend relationship than a romantic one, and she's wondering if she wants to spend her whole life with just her best friend without exploring any "romantically driven" one.
> 
> ...


Really? REALLY? REALLY?!?!

So let me get this straight.

My wife want's lots of sex.
She wants sex and romance and some hot naughty action
I don't want sex like that, I don't want much sex at all
She's thinking about separate apartments (so she can GET REAL SEX FINALLY)

Dude, coming from a "sensitive" guy, I'm telling you to MAN UP. Push on your stomach so your balls FINALLY descend. Go home and just TAKE your wife. She wants sex. GIVE IT TO HER. Find your own sexuality. Find your manhood. 

She's telling you I want a man, not a girlfriend. Stop being her girlfriend. Be a man!

Sorry if this seems harsh but you're letting her slip away. Trust me, she's a lot further gone than you realize right now.


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## Desperate_Housewife (Oct 15, 2012)

married2myBF said:


> *My wife and i have been best friends since the age of 12. we havent had any other boyfriend or girlfriend. my wife hasnt even kissed any other guy....
> 
> we just went through our 7-year itch, and it really tested our resolve to stay together. we got over it but not without some permanent rifts.
> 
> ...


That's a bad combination, in my opinion.

I agree with a previous poster - She doesn't want a glorified roommate!

If you want to keep her... you MUST step up your game. Date her, romance her.


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## Desperate_Housewife (Oct 15, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Really? REALLY? REALLY?!?!
> 
> So let me get this straight.
> 
> ...


:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

married2myBF said:


> Yes, i think she's beautiful...but often i do find other women more desirable if we're speaking strictly about physical attraction...
> 
> we make love once a week, usually. there are times though where a couple of weeks may go by...i'm ashamed to say i dont notice...she does.
> 
> but is that grounds to seek a separation? doesnt every relationship eventually lead to more of a friendship and companionship than just sex??


I've been with my H for 25 years...married 22. We have fun and fantastic sex about 3-4 times a weeks...sometimes more sometimes less. It doesn't matter to me the exact number...it's knowing he loves me and wants and desires me that matters most.

To go weeks on end and H not even be bothered would do my head in.

No other friend can take his role as my lover... 

Unless i get my own apartment of course...then I might meet some other lovely man who will want and desire me.

Is this what you want in YOUR marriage?

She telling you she wants more sex/affection and your huffing and puffing about... is it really such a bother to be loving to your wife?

I'd say let her move out if that's what shes asking for, so she can get her needs met by someone else...someone willing!

Sometimes life doesn't go how we planned... the new path isn't a bad one necessarily...just different than the one we had planned to travel on.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Ok..... speaking from a wife who has been with her best friend since before we even kissed, even looking through 100 wedding invitations - when I came across this - the search was over...







... the friendship aspect of our Union was very very special to me, as well as him. 



> *married2myBF said*: we make love once a week, usually. there are times though where a couple of weeks may go by...i'm ashamed to say i dont notice...she does.
> 
> but is that grounds to seek a separation? doesnt every relationship eventually lead to more of a friendship and companionship than just sex??










... NO !!!! A husband only desiring his wife just once a week or weeks go by and you don't notice anything... [email protected]#$%^ For a high drive woman, this is TORMENT... completely devastating, boring, leaves one feeling unloved, restless, and wanting, a lack of fulfillment truly. I understand where your wife is coming from... When one is deeply craving, needing, wanting so much more from her Lover....to be touched, kissed, flirted with, a little teasing...she is looking for some spice, PASSION ...







... why would you be against this - is my question ?

I realize not all men are the same but I wonder if you are masterbating, a little porn addiction on the side or your Testosterone levels are low?? How often do you have a release, doesn't this BUILD up in you = major horniness ?? Are you stressed at work, on meds to lower your hormonal desire ?? 

Even my husband who was never a HIGH Test man would have given his right arm for sex every day in his 30's.... 

Where is the Romance, a little teasing, flirtation to keep the spark a flame... 

It is hard enough on Men --when they can't get the emotionally connected Love making they crave so deep within, but when this happens to a woman...(I feel)..it cuts even DEEPER.. as we are more emotional to begin with...and men are created / designed with the higher drive -meant to be those aggressive pursuers - us women the more "receptive" ...yeilding to our lovers in need....

At least if you are a man, you got plenty of company- guys at work always complaining their women turning them down... but a woman....who can she share with...all her friends that are beating their men off with a stick....... so she is left feeling..."what is wrong with me, why doesn't my husband want me ???" Please understand....this is very very difficult on a higher drive women ...when her husbands desire is not there. 

When my sex drive went up, I wanted it 3 times a day !! And my husband was 45 !! He did everything he could be satisfy me - even to taking viagra some nights. I would have went MAD if I felt he lost desire for me & only wanted me once a week... Resentment would have shot to the heavens... I would have been impossible to live with , found myself restless, unfulfilled , would have felt less loved ... 

Doesn't matter if you are best friends, this will DIE if you don't get in touch with your LOVER side... revive the passion in your marriage ... initiate, flirt, tease her - keep it HOT.

If all is not lost... a book >> Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin with Your Spouse: 

At the very least -in all loving marriages >> this should be our attitudes towards Love making ... one of our little fights wishing he had a little more LUST ... led to an analogy I used in this thread...








http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...allowing-our-partner-turn-us-love-making.html


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## married2myBF (Apr 11, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I can't say I blame her for wanting more than a glorified roommate.
> 
> Maybe it would help the relationship if you spent some time apart and dated each other again.


we just might try that...

thanks all.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

My “Thoughts”




> Quote of Married2my best Friend
> she's wondering if she wants to spend her whole life with just her best friend without exploring any "romantically driven" one.


Her wondering is dangerous for your marriage. Her moving out will be even more dangerous and then she may very well find that man that will help her explore the “romantic driven one” *Then your marriage will be in a real crises!*


Your wife has a much higher sexual drive than you do. Your best action in that department is to do a lot better than once a week. Good grief man, I am twice your age and I can go three times a week. *You have no excuse; you can do a lot better than once a week.* Once every two weeks is for those in their eighties.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

married2myBF said:


> My wife and i have been best friends since the age of 12. we havent had any other boyfriend or girlfriend. my wife hasnt even kissed any other guy, though through my teenage years i kissed a few girls.
> 
> we just went through our 7-year itch, and it really tested our resolve to stay together. we got over it but not without some permanent rifts. now in our 8th year of marriage, my wife and i hit 30, and her sexual drive has skyrocketed. it's always been more than mine, but now it's extreme. we have more of a best friend relationship than a romantic one, and she's wondering if she wants to spend her whole life with just her best friend without exploring any "romantically driven" one.
> 
> ...


Fight for your marriage. Start working out if you have not. Get your T levels fixed. 

It would be insane to just give up.

Dude I am 57 and if my wife wanted it everyday I could do that and twice on Sunday.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

married2myBF said:


> believe me, i'm a great lover. even if we do make love...once a week...it's to both our satisfaction, i make sure of it.
> 
> is once a week low? we're best friends! it's not like i want to tear her clothes off whenever i see her! we didnt marry solely for attraction, even though we find eachother attractive, she's not a sex-object for me.


You can give her oral sex and or use sex toys. If you love her you can learn to enjoy intercourse with her more often.

Give her full body nude massages. Surely she can also do her part in seducing you as well. 

Separating so she can go bang other guys is not the answer. Man up dude.

Now you never elaborated on the sevne year itche thing. WTF happened? Did someone cheat?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

married2myBF said:


> we just might try that...
> 
> thanks all.


No. Separation in that case will turn into you dating your wife while she takes a lover. Then he will get tired of you and she will have to drop you from her live. He will insist she go NC with her EX.

Either you work on the marriage or move on dude.

You are having us on? Right? You are just flipping the genders here to see if peoples opinions change? Indeed I am NOT hearing people say she should compromise with you.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I can't say I blame her for wanting more than a glorified roommate.
> 
> Maybe it would help the relationship if you spent some time apart and dated each other again.





married2myBF said:


> we just might try that...
> 
> thanks all.


Oh, yeah. That's a dam fine idea. Not.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> You are having us on? Right? *You are just flipping the genders here to see if peoples opinions change?* Indeed I am NOT hearing people say she should compromise with you.


No question about it. While many temporarily estrogenic men so wash up here, this is over the top. No man would ever actually post these sentiments.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

If the genders were reversed would we suggest to a wife to agree for her husband to get his own apartment and date him for a while? So he could hve sex more often? Really?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Dude, face the facts: she's already got the toxic idea in her head that she can "do better", that greener pastures await her.

If my W wanted a separate place, like yours does, I'd be handing her the D papers, because she has pretty much told me that she DOES NOT want to be a wife-she wants to be a single party girl again.

And don't kid yourself. She's been telling her friends of her unfulfilled desires, and they probably have already been telling her of all the wonderful studs that they would love to hook her up with.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Oh, yeah. That's a dam fine idea. Not.


sorry you feel differently but sometimes it IS better to separate in situations like these. She's already checked out mentally and he doesn't seem like he's very interested in pulling her back in.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> If the genders were reversed would we suggest to a wife to agree for her husband to get his own apartment and date him for a while? So he could hve sex more often? Really?


That's NOT why i suggested it.Not for dating other people.Just to give them some space and hopefully make them appreciate what they have in each other.In order for it to work,they have to still be committed to each other and NOT see other people at all. i tend to give the advice based on situation,not gender...so yes,if it was his wife coming here saying these things I'd tell her what I told him. 
You can't take the "in your face 24/7" approach when someone is fed up.You have to give them space and time.If she has sex with other during a separation that tells me she would have had an affair while in the home still anyway and D is inevitable.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> That's NOT why i suggested it.Not for dating other people.Just to give them some space and hopefully make them appreciate what they have in each other.In order for it to work,they have to still be committed to each other and NOT see other people at all. i tend to give the advice based on situation,not gender...so yes,if it was his wife coming here saying these things I'd tell her what I told him.
> You can't take the "in your face 24/7" approach when someone is fed up.You have to give them space and time.If she has sex with other during a separation that tells me she would have had an affair while in the home still anyway and D is inevitable.


I hear you. I do not believe in giving space like this. If they were comitted they could stay in the same place and work it out. Separating is just isolating oneself from the other. If it comes to this then work out a divorce.

The issue here is about sexiual frequency. Why in the world would people separate under those circumstances of all? Bad bad idea.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Really? REALLY? REALLY?!?!
> 
> So let me get this straight.
> 
> ...


Seeing all these guys having really low sex drive, I thought until now of a lack of testosterone. 

But it is also possible that these guys are just gay and still in the closet.

I have no idea how many % of males is 'officially' gay but I get the impression in the USA that is very low compared to other western countries. It is for Hollywood actors still impossible to be openly gay because they would have not enough work, that points to gay not being accepted by the public. So maybe lots of gay men are just married in the hope to make the best of it. Hence these men having little or no sex, and women complaining about it. 

Could that be? :scratchhead:


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

um, if she wants separate apartments, she's already cheated on you, or has someone lined up.


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