# Married for 3 weeks. Quarrel every weekend. Wanted divorce every time.



## lastsyndrome (Oct 31, 2016)

We're married 3 weeks ago, and we've been quarreling every weekend.

On each quarrel, she says nasty things like "I want to divorce/leave/go back home."

The main cause she feels is that I don't listen to her.

We did visited a counselor, after I persuaded her a lot. But as the session ended, she screams divorce again. She said the counselor is no help, reads from the text book and a waste of money. Calls her a cheater. Then says if I want to listen to the counselor, then go live with the counselor.

I did practice the "repeat what she said" as advised for active listening. 

But she still says I never understand. I never listened.

She also blames a lot at me.

Blames me for her gastric. 
Blames me for asking her to live with me.
Blames for decision I made (that we discussed together).

Yesterday, from the moment I woke up, she starts finding fault in me.
Words that I said. Words that my parents said.

My parents once said to her that I'm independent guy. 
She 'twist' their words and interpreted as 'I'm independent so my parents won't lend/give money to us.'

I told her not to twist word and trust our words.

Today, we had a quarrel and she mentioned 'divorce' again.

I asked her to stop wanting to 'run' and come talk to me. She throw her phone and speaks loudly for the whole day...until I lost my control. I finally burst in anger. 

Any words of advice?

Thanks.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Any words of advice?


Yup, give her what she wants, and divorce her.

Don't know about the laws over there, but I hope you have your assets secured.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

It sounds like you really didn't know each other before you got married. I don't know the laws of your country, but you might be able to get an annulment instead of a divorce. The law would treat you as if you were never married. 

The counselor called your wife a "cheater"? Is there any truth to this? Has your wife been unfaithful to you? If so, this is all the more reason to annul the marriage.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

She sounds immature and like she has a lot of issues. Give her what she wants.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

lastsyndrome said:


> Any words of advice?


Go find an attorney and determine if you have grounds for an annullment. If not, divorce.

If it's that bad 3 weeks after you married, it won't get better.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

It sounds like she really regrets the marriage.

It is not right to try to force her to stay with you. Please let her go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Just let her go and see what happens....you can't carry a marriage by your self, and she is not helping so let her go. i have a funny feeling something else is up.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Arranged marriage?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

WorkingOnMe said:


> *Arranged marriage?*


Yes, arranged or deranged.

She feels that she was coerced and tricked into marriage. She feels trapped.

She does not want to be married. Have no doubt.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why?

She does not love you. 
She does not like her present life [with you] and your family.
She knows what she wants. What she wants is a life without you in it. Her plans for the future are not what is reality, now.
She may love some other man. Or have fantasies about some other man. I do not know this. This is speculation, of course.
She may be too young and wants to experience more of life, before settling down.
She may feel any career that she dreamed of, is now defunct.....will not happen.
She is pushing you away, being nasty and childish, hoping you will annul the marriage or divorce her.
She may be mentally ill, mentally deficient. Again, speculation. She is not mature, no speculation with this conclusion.

My suggestion is to call off this marriage. Why allow both her and you to remain miserable. 

Pain from divorce will be temporary. A life with an unhappy women is, well...........forever and a day.


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## JMyersPsyd (Oct 31, 2016)

It is tough to be in a place where you can do nothing right. It is frustrating and overwhelming. The only thing that you ask for is peace and understanding. One thing that I learned was that your peace can only come from you. You have to choose peace. Your wife has too much control over your happiness. The day that she realizes that your happiness is not dependent on her, that will be the day she lets up. 

If you expect your partner to make you happy, you are demanding love. If you were happy when you were single, you’re more likely to be happy in your relationship. And when you’re happy, you can focus on “sharing your love” instead of “demanding happiness.” Do you see how this can make a world of difference in your relationship? When you go from “needing” love, affection, and support to fill a hole in yourself, to “sharing” love and happiness from a place of fullness, your relationship will blossom into something truly amazing and lasting.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Give her what she craves. Freedom to spend all day in a Whine festival by herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

It doesn't have to be an arranged marriage to end this way. There is a girl, 28, that I know through church. She met this guy, accepted his marriage proposal, and married him. I even attended their wedding with my mother. 2 weeks after the honeymoon, she left him and moved back with her parents. She was spewing all sorts of hate towards the guy. I wondered, what sort of man do you have to be to make your new wife hate you in a couple weeks?

Turns out, after posing this question, tactfully, to some of her, and to an extent my friends. She just wanted the glamour of a wedding and all the gifts and attention that comes with such an affair. I think she is a drama queen. He came to her parents house to try to get her back, she shunned him, he got drunk made a scene and got arrested. Our minister bailed him out and told him to go home. This is the same minister that is counselling me, he is a good man.

Bottom line, in my humble opinion, your new wife doesn't love or respect you. Don't burst out in anger like the poor soul I mentioned above. You should seek an annulment or divorce. It is obvious your new bride was using you for what ever reason she has in her head. Cut her loose and move on with your life. There is a woman out there, somewhere, that will be thrilled to be your wife. Go find her.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

When things calm down after an arguement, does she mellow out and apologize, or is she just nasty to you 24/7?

How old are you both?

Was it a arranged, or at least nearly arranged marriage?

Did you ever see this side of her before you married?

Were you raised in the same faith/belief system as each other?

These questions may help us help you better.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

arranged marriage? talk to her parents and tell them she is utterly unreasonable and if she doesn't start working towards the marriage they can have her back. Plenty of others who want to have a good marriage.


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