# Husbands, How Would You Feel if Your Wife Posed Nude for Sexy Photos Taken By a Guy?



## Jessica38

I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent? And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?


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## Nugget

I personally wouldn't be okay with it but I wouldn't get a divorce over it either. I like to think that I'm the only one looking at my wife naked but I know others have different dynamics in their relationships. 

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## dubsey

I wouldn't care, for the most part, with assumptions about the guy, setting, professional, etc.

If I told her there was something I was uncomfortable with about the process or about the guy, and she did it anyway, I'd be pissed off something fierce.


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## samyeagar

Regardless of how I felt about it, I would not respond by using it as justification for an ongoing affair.


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## Jessica38

samyeagar said:


> Regardless of how I felt about it, I would not respond by using it as justification for an ongoing affair.


There are no excuses for an affair. Like Dr. Harley says in his book Surviving an Affair, there may be reasons- but no excuses. 

Let's not thread-jack here though please. Thanks.


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## uhtred

If she is a professional model, then that is part of her job. Otherwise, unless there is something special about the situation, it doesn't seem reasonable to me. 

If someone is working as a model they should be paid industry standard rates and follow industry standard rules (are their unions etc)? Otherwise posing nude as a "favor" seems inappropriate.


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## samyeagar

No, I don't think there is any situation where I would feel entirely comfortable, and some situations where I'd say no way now how, and be pissed if she did it, but...

Context is kind of important too. If the guy is a professional photographer, has established portfolio and customer references, that's quite different than some dude taking pictures in the back of his van. If they were tasteful nude photos as a birthday or anniversary present for me and only me, presumably her mind would be pretty well focused on that and would not really leave much room for anything untoward to happen.


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## WonkyNinja

Jessica38 said:


> I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent? And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?


It would depend entirely on the context. If it was a professional photographer in a professional environment then I'd probably be OK with it. If it's someone trying to expand his talent then he should probably be paying models for his learning experience, although aspiring models might do it for free in return for portfolio photos. It goes without saying that the "no touching the model" rule is understood and respected by both.

Now if we'd discussed it and I had said no I was not OK but she went and did it anyway that is whole different issue and it would be far from OK.


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## rockon

A professional photographer would have a female assistant. To do so without is opening himself to lawsuits
or charges of sexual assault.


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## TAMAT

Jessica,

Presuming that the modeling is strictly professional and without an emotional component.

If she had serious modeling or acting potential then NO as it would possibly restrict her future earnings.

If she had no serious modeling or acting potential then YES if it paid alot of money. 

That being said, from what I've seen many "photographers" and "models" seem to do photo shoots for their own egos, with no prospect of ever getting paid and spending tons of money on their "profession". 

Tamat


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## alexm

If she were a professional model, then it would be part of her job (supposing she did this kind of modelling).

If she were doing it as a gift for me (ie. boudoir photography) I would be fine with it.

If the photographer was a professional, and my wife's reasons for doing this were legit (see above), I'd be fine with it.

As I said in the OTHER thread, where this one branches off from - I know several professional photographers. AFAIK, they've ALL done boudoir/sexy type shoots. One female photographer I know, does exclusively those and weddings, and she's won numerous awards in the industry.

What some people here need to recognize is the difference between professional photographers and amateurs who have a camera.

That's not to say that simply being a professional automatically doesn't make you a perv or a creep, BUT... if it's a career, then one is not likely to jeopardize said career by being creepy and gross.

As well, waivers are signed prior to this kind of -professional- photo shoot, and it's also unlikely that it will be just the photographer (male or female) and the subject.

Bottom line - if your wife is a professional model, then people will see her naked, even if she doesn't do 'that' kind of photography. If the photog is a professional, they will not jeopardize their career for the sake of a few minutes of fun and excitement - even if, believe it or not, the model attempts to initiate something. I've heard stories, trust me. It's rarely in their best interests to engage with their subject other than in a professional manner.

As well, a professional would not, under any intelligent circumstances, distribute said photographs, without the subjects written consent. Digital copies (because everything is digital these days) are stored behind some pretty fierce security measures.


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## Spitfire

Jessica38 said:


> I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent? And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?


Sorry for the photographer...


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

samyeagar said:


> If they were tasteful nude photos as a birthday or anniversary present for me and only me, presumably her mind would be pretty well focused on that and would not really leave much room for anything untoward to happen.


I would go along with this ... except ...
There are plenty of female photographers who specialize in boudoir photography. In fact, many such women use their gender as a selling point specifically for doing this type of photography.


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## Jessica38

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I would go along with this ... except ...
> There are plenty of female photographers who specialize in boudoir photography. In fact, many such women use their gender as a selling point specifically for doing this type of photography.


This has been my experience as well. My girlfriends who have had these done as surprises for their husbands all went to female photographers who specialized in tasteful boudoir photos (without full nudity).


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## Young at Heart

Jessica38 said:


> I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent? And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?


First I would be amazed. My wife doesn't even want me to see her naked, although I think she is beautiful. I think that the human body is beautiful.

As long at there was not touching, sexual exploitation (i.e. posting on porn sites) and I got a copy of the photos I would probably be fine with it. I would sure want to know why my wife wanted to do it, as it would be totally out of character.

I have often thought of taking drawing classes (not for credit) at local community colleges as a hobby during retirement. From the one I attended in my youth, naked models of all shapes and sizes were sometimes used.


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## john117

Jessica38 said:


> This has been my experience as well. My girlfriends who have had these done as surprises for their husbands all went to female photographers who specialized in tasteful boudoir photos (without full nudity).


There was a kid in DD1's high school class that was a genius with photography. I don't say this lightly. He was. His genius was mostly getting fellow Asian (female tho) students to pose (often risque enough to win awards and national recognition while not getting expelled). 

Needless to say he won a full ride to the top 1 university photography program, graduated, and is now shooting for some Vogue type major fashion magazine. 

I wouldn't have any problem dealing with him if I were female or a husband thereof, seeing the kinds of supermodels he's working with and his work.


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## sokillme

Jessica38 said:


> I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent? And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?


I wouldn't be happy about it. I would be shocked if she asked because I think she knows that I believe our sexuality belongs to each other. That includes sexy pics. If she did it anyway that would be a big hit to the marriage, I don't think I would divorce over it, but it would strongly weaken it for sure. My feeling would be is helping this guy with his sexy pics worth more then me being upset over it? Is feeling sexy for someone else really worth me being upset about it? 

I think when you love someone if it is a reasonable request you shouldn't really have a issue doing that. I think saving your sexuality for your spouse is more then a reasonable request in a monogamous relationship.

I doubt I would marry a nude model for that reason. I guess I am old fashion.


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## The Middleman

I would not be OK with it. If my wife did it anyway, and I knew about it in advance, I'd show up at the photo shoot ... uninvited. If she did it without my knowledge and I found out later, the relationship will be tense for a long time.


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## arbitrator

*Provided that we loved and cared for other immeasurably; and were totally and deeply committed to each other, I'd be taken aback by such an abhorrent act!

That being said, inasfar as my RSXW is concerned, it really wouldn't phase me in the least!

After all, all the guys that she would like to have sample her wares for free, have the inalienable right to see exactly what it is that they are about to get into! 

That's why you can find her picture in Merriam-Webster's Dictionary under the letter "S," and the word, "skank!"*


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## SunCMars

No, not happening on my watch...

She is mine......or she is not....

If she is not....she is gone.


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## Personal

Jessica38 said:


> I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent? And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?


I would be fine with this if the photographer was accomplished in other areas of photography. At the end of the day if that's what she wants to do, good luck to her.

That said it's largely a moot point since I am professionally accomplished in photography (not weddings or nudes) and already have quite the collection of simple nude, through extreme pornographic photographs of my wife that I have captured.

In addition to that my wife has often posed nude in order for me to draw or paint pictures of her. Likewise for most of the time I have been with my wife, I often (usually weekly though not always) spend time with other men and women who pose for me and or others, for nude drawings and paintings.

This has never been an issue with any of my current or previous ongoing sexual partners, who have always loved my nude paintings.

At the end of the day I wouldn't cheat on my wife sexually with someone else, if she took up boudoir photography or try to reprehensibly deflect blame for such an egregious act by citing that as a reason.


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## Edo Edo

If she was a model in similar photo shoots in past, and modeling was part of her career, I would be open to this. It would be like someone already in an industry helping someone else to rise up and establish himself. Above all else, she would know what to expect and be more in charge of what takes place.

If the photographer was just an "old friend" who thought my wife was hot and she never modeled before, I would have a problem with it, due to the lack of professional background on both of their parts. If she decided to do this over my objection, our marriage would be in serious jeopardy. Probably not end, but there would be a certain level of trust and intimacy that could never be recovered.

In my personal case, my wife would never let nude photos of herself be taken so the point is moot...


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## john117

Simple answer:

Nikon camera - no action - ok
Canon camera - action - not ok

(Let's see if anyone gets it)


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## Thor

I would be ok with it, depending on context and details. As most have said, if the photog is for real, the setting is professional, with a female assistant in attendance, the release form is acceptable, etc, then I think it would be ok.

My concerns would be illicit use of the photos such as ending up on the internet, or pornographic content to the photos. Artsy legit photography would be ok.

If there were something I didn't like about the arrangement but she did it anyway, it would be a serious rift in the relationship at the least.

Note I am divorced so this is just hypothetical in many ways.


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## TX-SC

As for the photography part... I would be okay with it only if it were a female photographer. 

As for the lying and doing it anyway part... I would see this as a defining moment in our relationship where it's now okay for me to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without my partner's permission.


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## Andy1001

If my wife wanted to do and I explained I didn't want her to but she did it anyway there's not much I could do to stop her.
She wouldn't be my wife very much longer though.


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## manwithnoname

Jessica38 said:


> I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent? And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?


Two answers. First one is a fun poke at you, second is the actual answer.

1. I would cheat on her, because I would have you in my corner to help excuse, justify, and explain why I did that. :wink2:

2. I would absolutely not be ok with it, and if we talked about it beforehand and she did it anyway, I would be hurt, angry etc. to the point of divorce. For all our troubles, she has never been disrespectful to me and that would be the tipping point. I would think that if a female photographer wanted to take nude photos of me, I know my wife would not approve, so I wouldn't even ask her in the first place.


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## Jessica38

Thanks to all who replied. I was wondering if husband's would have as much of a problem with this as I would if my husband were dabbling in sexy boudoir/nude photos of women without my agreement and did it behind my back. I'd feel betrayed and hurt. It seems many husbands here would feel similarly.

@Manwithnoname, please see my previous post where I agree with you that there are no excuses for infidelity, but there are reasons why a spouse would turn away from their partner. Emotional divorce is a consequence of betrayal and hurt in marriage. Your second point makes that clear.


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## Married but Happy

If I met the guy and trusted his professional approach, I'd be okay with it. I do trust my wife to set her own boundaries, though. Still, I might insist on being present to help with lighting and makeup touch-ups, unless he had a female assistant to do that stuff. I might learn some techniques to use in my own photography.


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## Jessica38

Personal said:


> Jessica38 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent? And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?
> 
> 
> 
> I would be fine with this if the photographer was accomplished in other areas of photography. At the end of the day if that's what she wants to do, good luck to her.
> 
> That said it's largely a moot point since I am professionally accomplished in photography (not weddings or nudes) and already have quite the collection of simple nude, through extreme pornographic photographs of my wife that I have captured.
> 
> In addition to that my wife has often posed nude in order for me to draw or paint pictures of her. Likewise for most of the time I have been with my wife, I often (usually weekly though not always) spend time with other men and women who pose for me and or others, for nude drawings and paintings.
> 
> This has never been an issue with any of my current or previous ongoing sexual partners, who have always loved my nude paintings.
> 
> At the end of the day I wouldn't cheat on my wife sexually with someone else, if she took up boudoir photography or try to reprehensibly deflect blame for such an egregious act by citing that as a reason.
Click to expand...

You don't agree with the stance in Surving an Affair that there are reasons in marriage why a spouse would have an affair, even though there are no excuses? The psych who wrote the book states that very often, an affair is the result of needs not being met and actions that destroy the love in marriage. That doesn't excuse anyone from the extreme pain and devastation caused by cheating, but if a couple wants to save their marriage after infidelity, the book points out that those conditions that made an affair possible must be removed and the couple must take extraordinary precautions to protect the marriage and keep it from happening again.

Look, I get that infidelity is extremely painful and no one deserves that, but most marriages will experience it (over 60%). To me, that means many of us are not taking precautions to protect our marriage. Part of that includes eliminating ALL betrayal and independent behavior in marriage, not just the most extreme (affair). To be clear, I believe that a betrayed spouse experiences extreme pain- I've heard it compared to the loss of a child. A betrayed spouse has every right to end the marriage after being put through that. Many will want to work on the marriage though and that means extraordinary precautions.


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## Jessica38

I guess my entire point of this thread is to learn more about how to others handle this type of betrayal in marriage. There are many betrayals that don't include an actual affair and they can damage a marriage. 

I find the infidelity stats depressing. I think if more of us were open and honest in marriage, we could protect our marriages from the pain of infidelity and divorce. 

And I guess the gray area is disturbing to me too. Like many said here, this may not be enough to divorce your spouse over, but it would hurt the marriage.


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## Jessica38

I can also say that if I did this to my husband, he'd be hurt and angry. I'd worry that my actions would cause him to lose his love for me, especially if I did it repeatedly. And I'd be afraid that I could lose him. So I do think even lesser betrayals than infidelity can ruin a marriage, and that's why many of us choose not to do whatever we want without considering our spouse.


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## BioFury

No, I would not be ok with it. If she did it anyway, there would be dire consequences.


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## Jessica38

Jessica38 said:


> Personal said:
> 
> 
> 
> In addition to that my wife has often posed nude in order for me to draw or paint pictures of her. Likewise for most of the time I have been with my wife, I often (usually weekly though not always) spend time with other men and women who pose for me and or others, for nude drawings and paintings.
> 
> This has never been an issue with any of my current or previous ongoing sexual partners, who have always loved my nude paintings.
> 
> At the end of the day I wouldn't cheat on my wife sexually with someone else, if she took up boudoir photography or try to reprehensibly deflect blame for such an egregious act by citing that as a reason.
> 
> 
> 
> You don't agree with the stance in Surving an Affair that there are reasons in marriage why a spouse would have an affair, even though there are no excuses? That doesn't excuse anyone from the extreme pain and devastation caused by cheating, but if a couple wants to save their marriage after infidelity, the book points out that those conditions that made an affair possible must be removed and the couple must take extraordinary precautions to protect the marriage and keep it from happening again.
> 
> Look, I get that infidelity is extremely painful and no one deserves that, but most marriages will experience it (over 60%). To me, that means many of us are not taking precautions to protect our marriage. Part of that includes eliminating ALL betrayal and independent behavior in marriage, not just the most extreme (affair). To be clear, I believe that a betrayed spouse experiences extreme pain- I've heard it compared to the loss of a child. A betrayed spouse has every right to end the marriage after being put through that. Many will want to work on the marriage though and that means extraordinary precautions.
Click to expand...


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## manwithnoname

Jessica38 said:


> I can also say that if I did this to my husband, he'd be hurt and angry. I'd worry that my actions would cause him to lose his love for me, especially if I did it repeatedly. And I'd be afraid that I could lose him. *So I do think even lesser betrayals than infidelity can ruin a marriage*, and that's why many of us choose not to do whatever we want without considering our spouse.


I agree with this, but would like to add that lesser betrayals would likely have to add up to ruin a marriage, whereas one act of infidelity could do it on its own.


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## Jessica38

manwithnoname said:


> Jessica38 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I can also say that if I did this to my husband, he'd be hurt and angry. I'd worry that my actions would cause him to lose his love for me, especially if I did it repeatedly. And I'd be afraid that I could lose him. *So I do think even lesser betrayals than infidelity can ruin a marriage*, and that's why many of us choose not to do whatever we want without considering our spouse.
> 
> 
> 
> I agree with this, but would like to add that lesser betrayals would likely have to add up to ruin a marriage, whereas one act of infidelity could do it on its own.
Click to expand...

That definitely makes sense to me.


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## Thor

Jessica38 said:


> I guess my entire point of this thread is to learn more about how to others handle this type of betrayal in marriage. There are many betrayals that don't include an actual affair and they can damage a marriage.


Ok, let me take on that generality from my own experience.

I never proved to a certainty my wife cheated. Lots of circumstantial evidence. One of my counselors described it as a room full of dead bodies and smoking guns, but no fingerprints on the guns.

But, I caught her in several significant intentional deceptions. Two included the kids, one being a medication she knew I was opposed to unless it was a last resort (and it wasn't anywhere near being last resort), and the other was diversion of tens of thousands of dollars to pay for one child's college expenses against what I thought was an explicit agreement.

Then there was the one where she said she'd un-tag herself from a photo with her ex on facebook (somebody else posted it and tagged her in it), but then she simply didn't do it. This guy had been a problem in our marriage over the years and was a hot button issue she was well aware of.

There were other deceptions and lies, too, but not of such a large magnitude.

When I learned of the medication I decided to divorce her. Then I had a series of medical issues over the next 6 months including a surgery which put us into son's senior year of high school, so I decided to wait until he graduated. One single betrayal which was not an affair was enough to cause me to leave.

And then with time over his senior year the emotions calmed down and with the kids all out of the house I was willing to try to continue the marriage. About a year later there was the coincident discovery of the financial infidelity and her choosing not to un-tag herself from the photo. That was the last straw for me, leading to separation and divorce.

I felt each of those events as a complete betrayal. Even though there was no EA/PA involved, each incident destroyed my desire to even be near her.


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## Sly Fox

I would not be ok with it. If my wife continued to do it against my wishes, I would divorce her. If I was ok with this sort of activity, I would marry a stripper or call girl, but that's not what I signed up for. Definitely inexcusable behavior for me, no matter how it's spinned.


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## Jessica38

@Thor, was it the disrespect that caused you to lose your love for your wife? I can see how in all 3 incidences your Ex treated you with disrespect. I'm sorry you went through that. Thanks for sharing that though, I find it very helpful in understanding what can push a spouse to the point of D.


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## Jessica38

Sly Fox said:


> I would not be ok with it. If my wife continued to do it against my wishes, I would divorce her. If I was ok with this sort of activity, I would marry a stripper or call girl, but that's not what I signed up for. Definitely inexcusable behavior for me, no matter how it's spinned.


Good point.


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## Thor

Jessica38 said:


> @Thor, was it the disrespect that caused you to lose your love for your wife? I can see how in all 3 incidences your Ex treated you with disrespect. I'm sorry you went through that. Thanks for sharing that though, I find it very helpful in understanding what can push a spouse to the point of D.


I guess disrespect is part of it. The sheer dishonesty of it was what put me off mostly I think. But I haven't really thought about it in a lot of detail as to how I interpreted it. Her actions were so callous and intentionally dishonest that I didn't even want to be near her. I slept on the couch or in my man-cave many nights just because I couldn't sleep in the same room as her.


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## manwithnoname

Jessica38 said:


> Thanks to all who replied. I was wondering if husband's would have as much of a problem with this as I would if my husband were dabbling in sexy boudoir/nude photos of women without my agreement and did it behind my back. I'd feel betrayed and hurt. It seems many husbands here would feel similarly.
> *
> @Manwithnoname, please see my previous post where I agree with you that there are no excuses for infidelity, but there are reasons why a spouse would turn away from their partner. Emotional divorce is a consequence of betrayal and hurt in marriage. Your second point makes that clear.*


 Sorry, I didn't get a notification for this because of the capital M. My beef with infidelity is it happens for lame reasons, too many to list. I can't think of anything my wife would do to cause me to cheat. There are several things, that would build up to me leaving her. How quickly it builds up depends on what it was and how long it has been going on. Infidelity in the form of a PA or an EA would be immediate divorce for me.


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## Jessica38

manwithnoname said:


> Jessica38 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks to all who replied. I was wondering if husband's would have as much of a problem with this as I would if my husband were dabbling in sexy boudoir/nude photos of women without my agreement and did it behind my back. I'd feel betrayed and hurt. It seems many husbands here would feel similarly.
> *
> @Manwithnoname, please see my previous post where I agree with you that there are no excuses for infidelity, but there are reasons why a spouse would turn away from their partner. Emotional divorce is a consequence of betrayal and hurt in marriage. Your second point makes that clear.*
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry, I didn't get a notification for this because of the capital M. My beef with infidelity is it happens for lame reasons, too many to list. I can't think of anything my wife would do to cause me to cheat. There are several things, that would build up to me leaving her. How quickly it builds up depends on what it was and how long it has been going on. Infidelity in the form of a PA or an EA would be immediate divorce for me.
Click to expand...

This makes sense. I don't think people who develop feelings for others outside of the marriage are always thinking rationally though. That's why I think the extraordinary precautions are so important marriage. While hurt and resentment is building in the marriage, it leaves spouses vulnerable to having their needs met by others. This is absolutely NOT ok, but for many of the 60% of marriages suffering infidelity, it's a reality.


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## dolphindad50

I wish I had a wife that looked good enough to even want to pose nude lol


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## sokillme

Thor said:


> Ok, let me take on that generality from my own experience.
> 
> I never proved to a certainty my wife cheated. Lots of circumstantial evidence. One of my counselors described it as a room full of dead bodies and smoking guns, but no fingerprints on the guns.
> 
> But, I caught her in several significant intentional deceptions. Two included the kids, one being a medication she knew I was opposed to unless it was a last resort (and it wasn't anywhere near being last resort), and the other was diversion of tens of thousands of dollars to pay for one child's college expenses against what I thought was an explicit agreement.
> 
> Then there was the one where she said she'd un-tag herself from a photo with her ex on facebook (somebody else posted it and tagged her in it), but then she simply didn't do it. This guy had been a problem in our marriage over the years and was a hot button issue she was well aware of.
> 
> There were other deceptions and lies, too, but not of such a large magnitude.
> 
> When I learned of the medication I decided to divorce her. Then I had a series of medical issues over the next 6 months including a surgery which put us into son's senior year of high school, so I decided to wait until he graduated. One single betrayal which was not an affair was enough to cause me to leave.
> 
> And then with time over his senior year the emotions calmed down and with the kids all out of the house I was willing to try to continue the marriage. About a year later there was the coincident discovery of the financial infidelity and her choosing not to un-tag herself from the photo. That was the last straw for me, leading to separation and divorce.
> 
> I felt each of those events as a complete betrayal. Even though there was no EA/PA involved, each incident destroyed my desire to even be near her.


See this would worry the hell out of me. All of these things together seem like a character issue. I would be afraid I was taking a risk to stay with someone who has poor character because it will show up again eventually. If there is no hard work one doesn't change their nature. You see this over and over. Many times these kind of things snowball into very serious betrayals. A lot of times these issues proceed the runaway wife's we see. It's like letting the brakes go too long on your car. One day you may be driving and you have no brakes. Proceed at your own risk.


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## BetrayedDad

Jessica38 said:


> I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent? And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?


If she even asked me that kind of a question, I'd dump her like yesterday's garbage. 

Only a **** or doormat would be okay with some dude trying to pimp his wife's body.

And snapping sexy/nude pics and trying to sell them or further a career is basically that.


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## Thor

sokillme said:


> See this would worry the hell out of me. All of these things together seem like a character issue. I would be afraid I was taking a risk to stay with someone who has poor character because it will show up again eventually. If there is no hard work one doesn't change their nature. You see this over and over. Many times these kind of things snowball into very serious betrayals. A lot of times these issues proceed the runaway wife's we see. It's like letting the brakes go too long on your car. One day you may be driving and you have no brakes. Proceed at your own risk.


When I first started seeing some of the dishonesties I thought it was an anomaly. They were small things at first and not very important. If you knew her as a neighbor, coworker, or church member you would rightfully have judged her as extremely honest. But, within a close interpersonal relationship it is completely different.

When I started to recognize the larger lies and deceptions we were 20+ years into the marriage. For all the usual reasons such as teen children and financial entanglements, I tried to rescue the marriage.

But, as you point out, there was no hard work on her part, so there was no change. The fact I had stayed when first detecting some deceptions led her to think I would stay no matter what, and though she said she understood and would not perpetrate any further lies/deceptions, it was no different than the cheater who says they will stop the affair.

I was the typical BH who wanted things to work out and gave her every possible break rather than setting a nuclear boundary at the first sign of dishonesty.


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## AussieRN

If the photographer had a female assistant present no problem.

If she invited me along to allay my fears, no problem.

Going ahead regardless of how I felt, big problem.

Mine did some nude work for a fairly well known figure artist. I tagged along a couple times to watch. We even ended up with one of his works of her for our home.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

AussieRN said:


> If the photographer had a female assistant present no problem.
> 
> If she invited me along to allay my fears, no problem.
> 
> Going ahead regardless of how I felt, big problem.


Pretty much THIS is exactly what happened in the other thread. Yes, everything you just stated except the chaperone was a boyfriend of the model.


----------



## BioFury

AussieRN said:


> If the photographer had a female assistant present no problem.
> 
> If she invited me along to allay my fears, no problem.
> 
> Going ahead regardless of how I felt, big problem.
> 
> Mine did some nude work for a fairly well known figure artist. I tagged along a couple times to watch. We even ended up with one of his works of her for our home.


I don't see why everyone seems to think it's ok, so long as there's another female in the room. Another person doesn't change the fact that some dude is eye-balling your wife stark naked.

I've heard the "professional" garbage about how doctors, photographers, and anyone who gets paid doesn't care about that stuff, but it's simply not true. Yes, your doctor acts professional while he's with you. Afterwards, he's sharing how nice your boobs are with his co-workers. Men are men, and women are women. People don't stop being attracted to the opposite sex, simply because they're working.


----------



## Personal

Jessica38 said:


> You don't agree with the stance in Surving an Affair that there are reasons in marriage why a spouse would have an affair, even though there are no excuses? The psych who wrote the book states that very often, an affair is the result of needs not being met and actions that destroy the love in marriage. That doesn't excuse anyone from the extreme pain and devastation caused by cheating, but if a couple wants to save their marriage after infidelity, the book points out that those conditions that made an affair possible must be removed and the couple must take extraordinary precautions to protect the marriage and keep it from happening again.
> 
> Look, I get that infidelity is extremely painful and no one deserves that, but most marriages will experience it (over 60%). To me, that means many of us are not taking precautions to protect our marriage. Part of that includes eliminating ALL betrayal and independent behavior in marriage, not just the most extreme (affair). To be clear, I believe that a betrayed spouse experiences extreme pain- I've heard it compared to the loss of a child. A betrayed spouse has every right to end the marriage after being put through that. Many will want to work on the marriage though and that means extraordinary precautions.


I don't read self help relationship or pop psychology books. If I can't figure it out for myself, my problems are beyond a book helping me.

Of course there are reasons, most of the reasons are simply because the person is sexually attracted to someone else and wants to enjoy having some sex with them or they are wanting to hurt their partner as a preemptive or a reactive measure.

That said the reasons are largely superfluous, people have sex off reservation because they want to. If one isn't happy with such behaviour they can end that relationship or suck it up and get over it.

If a marital relationship requires extraordinary precautions to prevent marital infidelity then it's pretty clear that those spouses are married to the wrong people.

If one finds themselves in an exclusive nominally monogamous sexual relationship with someone and they want to have sex with others, the right thing to do is to end that exclusive relationship. Or tell their partner that they want to go off reservation and reach an agreement on how that might be done.

As to infidelity being compared to the loss of a child (and I mean real infidelity as in having sex, not that namby pamby emotional affair nonsense). I think some people would do well to learn some perspective, develop some resilience and abandon such hyperbole.


----------



## Personal

BioFury said:


> I don't see why everyone seems to think it's ok, so long as there's another female in the room. Another person doesn't change the fact that some dude is eye-balling your wife stark naked.
> 
> I've heard the "professional" garbage about how doctors, photographers, and anyone who gets paid doesn't care about that stuff, but it's simply not true. Yes, your doctor acts professional while he's with you. Afterwards, he's sharing how nice your boobs are with his co-workers. Men are men, and women are women. People don't stop being attracted to the opposite sex, simply because they're working.


It's simple really, there are lots of people who don't equate nudity on its own with sex, since sex can be had while wearing clothes. That said there are also lots of people who think sexually titillating photography of themselves and or their sexual partners is also perfectly fine as well.

Do you have any first hand experience of what you are talking about? How many naked men and women have you professionally photographed or rendered paintings of?

Personally I've eyeballed lots of mens wives who are stark naked through a few hours at a time in order to paint them, just as I have also eyeballed lots of womens husbands who are stark naked for the same reason.

That said I spend more time looking at the page than the subject while rendering them. Nude life drawing models can relate that for much of the time those who are drawing them are looking at the surface they are rendering upon for a greater amount of time than they are looking at them.

Likewise when it comes to photography, if one wants to do great work all that matters is capturing the subject at their best, which means more time spent on setting up lighting, image editing and all the rest versus time spent looking through a viewfinder at ones subject.

Of which I will add the norm for most life drawing nude models is for them to be robed when they are not modelling. Likewise when it comes to nude photography it is also common to see the model robed outside of shooting unless it interferes with things like body paint or makeup.

Unsurprisingly I have always been professional, polite, respectful and appreciative of my models. Likewise especially since I am a mature adult I can't say I have shared in a disrespectful way, how nice anyone's boobs are after I have rendered them.

My wife is fine with it as I am fine with it, just as the men and women who take their clothes off for me so I can create paintings of them are fine with it.

Incidentally through circa 28 years I have never cheated on any of my sexual partners despite often spending time with other naked men and women.

If I wanted to cheat on a sexual partner I would do exactly that, yet I wouldn't need to render pictures of naked women with a camera or pencil and brush in order to do it.

At the end of the day those who are wowsers, will have more of an issue with such things than those who aren't.


----------



## EleGirl

While interesting, the is thread is not really about the same situation that inspired it.


In that thread, the husband is the photographer. He's not naked. He's photographing women who are in provocative poses and sometimes naked.

Part of the problem is that his wife is not comfortable with him doing these sorts of shoots, so he sneaks out and does them. She has found out about 5 of them over a period of a few years. He claims that he has only done the ones that his wife found out. He also claims that the models usually bring someone else along with them, like a boyfriend.

His wife apparently does not believe that these are just photo shoots.

So to be equivalent, the question would be:

Me would you be comfortable with your wife going off secretly to photograph naked men in a provocative photo shoot. She claims that the guys bring someone with them so she is not alone with the naked, or near naked guys.


----------



## straightshooter

This question borders on nonsense.

Why would a woman want to pose nude for a male photographer alone when her husband not only is not comfortable with it but asks her not to. Anyone who thinks this is OK is just part of the thought process that says a woman can do anything she wants and husband just has to chalk it up as good old girl fun.

You want to take sexy photos to give to hubby as surprise??? Last I heard woman were equally adept at photography as men. Practice some ladies lib and find one or cut the crap out.

What will the next question be??? Is it OK for male photographer to have his male buddies watch???


----------



## Jessica38

Personal said:


> Of course there are reasons, most of the reasons are simply because the person is sexually attracted to someone else and wants to enjoy having some sex with them or they are wanting to hurt their partner as a preemptive or a reactive measure.
> 
> That said the reasons are largely superfluous, people have sex off reservation because they want to. If one isn't happy with such behaviour they can end that relationship or suck it up and get over it.
> 
> *If a marital relationship requires extraordinary precautions to prevent marital infidelity then it's pretty clear that those spouses are married to the wrong people.*


I see where you are coming from and it is vastly different from where I am coming from. We have differing beliefs on why people engage in affairs. I believe that since most couples experience infidelity and typically with a co-worker or friend of the OS, inappropriate boundaries play a large role in why spouses develop feelings for and/or turn to someone outside of the marriage to meet their needs. I also believe that an EA is just as damaging to a marriage as a PA, where a spouse never intended or even had sex with a person outside of the marriage but still crossed a line. Certain behaviors in marriage, including secrecy, broken trust, and other things like hurt and resentment that destroy the intimacy in the marriage can lead to infidelity (and that does NOT make it ok).


----------



## wilson

Jessica38 said:


> I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent? And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?


There's not a whole lot of reasons it makes sense for any spouse to do this against their spouse's wishes, regardless of whether it's a man or woman. Maybe if the spouse was an aspiring model it could be understood, but there needs to be an understanding as a couple as to whether these photos were appropriate.

Plus, a "photographer" looking to "expand his talent" by taking nude photos sounds like a creeper wanting to look at naked women. I'm pretty sure there are 100's of ads from "photographers" just like this on any local craigslist site.


----------



## Jessica38

wilson said:


> There's not a whole lot of reasons it makes sense for any spouse to do this against their spouse's wishes, regardless of whether it's a man or woman. Maybe if the spouse was an aspiring model it could be understood, but there needs to be an understanding as a couple as to whether these photos were appropriate.
> 
> One reason would be if the spouse really wants to do it to expand their career and their partner simply doesn't agree to that niche.
> 
> Plus, a "photographer" looking to "expand his talent" by taking nude photos sounds like a creeper wanting to look at naked women. I'm pretty sure there are 100's of ads from "photographers" just like this on any local craigslist site.
> 
> I agree.


----------



## Edo Edo

Jessica38 said:


> I guess my entire point of this thread is to learn more about how to others handle this type of betrayal in marriage. There are many betrayals that don't include an actual affair and they can damage a marriage.
> 
> I find the infidelity stats depressing. I think if more of us were open and honest in marriage, we could protect our marriages from the pain of infidelity and divorce.
> 
> And I guess the gray area is disturbing to me too. Like many said here, this may not be enough to divorce your spouse over, but it would hurt the marriage.




It's a very fine line we walk, isn't it? On one hand we as partners generally want to be supportive of activities that spark our spouse's interests, but we do not want to betray the principles we were raised with while doing so. We also do not necessarily want to give up all our own identities, but understand that we are also now part of a family unit. In most differences of opinion, I always at least try to err on the side of caution, which means I try to keep an open mind if we disagree. It's been my experience (both first hand and observing friends/family) that being too inflexible in your beliefs is a sure way to do just as much damage to a relationship as a betrayal...


----------



## Edo Edo

BioFury said:


> I don't see why everyone seems to think it's ok, so long as there's another female in the room. Another person doesn't change the fact that some dude is eye-balling your wife stark naked.
> 
> I've heard the "professional" garbage about how doctors, photographers, and anyone who gets paid doesn't care about that stuff, but it's simply not true. Yes, your doctor acts professional while he's with you. Afterwards, he's sharing how nice your boobs are with his co-workers. Men are men, and women are women. People don't stop being attracted to the opposite sex, simply because they're working.




It's because not everyone sexualizes nudity to the same degree. The question being posed here is totally legit...


----------



## Jessica38

Edo Edo said:


> It's a very fine line we walk, isn't it? On one hand we as partners generally want to be supportive of activities that spark our spouse's interests, but we do not want to betray the principles we were raised with while doing so. We also do not necessarily want to give up all our own identities, but understand that we are also now part of a family unit. In most differences of opinion, I always at least try to err on the side of caution, which means I try to keep an open mind if we disagree. It's been my experience (both first hand and observing friends/family) that being too inflexible in your beliefs is a sure way to do just as much damage to a relationship as a betrayal...


I hear you, and in this case, I don't think it's a matter of being inflexible when our spouse does something that hurts us, as you can see from the response here. Marriage means caring for another person and considering them when we make decisions, not doing whatever we want. If we do what we want regardless of what is best for the marriage, we are acting independently, instead of interdependently, and at that point, why be married?

There is nothing inflexible about holding your spouse to their commitment to "forsake all others" and expect that they will not be spending their time away from you naked with the OS to take sexualized photos against your wishes.


----------



## Jessica38

Edo Edo said:


> It's because not everyone sexualizes nudity to the same degree. The question being posed here is totally legit...


I agree with this when you're an OB and delivering a baby or performing surgery on a vagina. But when you're posing nude for sexy boudoir photos, you're by definition sexualizing nudity.


----------



## WonkyNinja

Jessica38 said:


> I see where you are coming from and it is vastly different from where I am coming from. We have differing beliefs on why people engage in affairs. I believe that *since most couples experience infidelity* and typically with a co-worker or friend of the OS, inappropriate boundaries play a large role in why spouses develop feelings for and/or turn to someone outside of the marriage to meet their needs. I also believe that an EA is just as damaging to a marriage as a PA, where a spouse never intended or even had sex with a person outside of the marriage but still crossed a line. Certain behaviors in marriage, including secrecy, broken trust, and other things like hurt and resentment that destroy the intimacy in the marriage can lead to infidelity (and that does NOT make it ok).


In your instance the "erotic photography" is the medium of the secrecy and broken trust but it is the secrecy and the broken trust themselves that are your problem. Inappropriate boundaries are a problem for a marriage but it is the partner that crosses the appropriate boundary that is the problem. The vast majority of people are able to have co-workers and OS friends without any problem.

Similarly in the vast majority of instances photographers taking boudoir, erotic or nude photos do not necessarily then jump the model afterwards. The problem you have is that, rightly or wrongly, you clearly don't trust your husband and that mistrust is solidified when he ignores your feelings and goes behind your back.

I think you are seeing the nude photography as your marital problem when it is the lack of trust and secrecy that is your real issue.


----------



## naiveonedave

Jessica38 said:


> I agree with this when you're an OB and delivering a baby or performing surgery on a vagina. But when you're posing nude for sexy boudoir photos, you're by definition sexualizing nudity.


Meh - if done right, I view it as art. However, I would not let my W do it. Too risky for something to happen and jealousy is going to happen, at least for me.

As others have pointed out in this thread, your real issue isn't the photo shoots, it is the lies and cover ups and mistrust. Boundaries as well.


----------



## Jessica38

WonkyNinja said:


> In your instance the "erotic photography" is the medium of the secrecy and broken trust but it is the secrecy and the broken trust themselves that are your problem. *Inappropriate boundaries are a problem for a marriage but it is the partner that crosses the appropriate boundary that is the problem*. The vast majority of people are able to have co-workers and OS friends without any problem.


I think you are ignoring that inappropriate boundaries around the OS IS crossing the line in marriage. My husband fully trusts me- including not to spend my time naked with the OS against his wishes.


----------



## Jessica38

naiveonedave said:


> Meh - if done right, I view it as art. However, I would not let my W do it. Too risky for something to happen and jealousy is going to happen, at least for me.
> 
> As others have pointed out in this thread, your real issue isn't the photo shoots, it is the lies and cover ups and mistrust. Boundaries as well.


I agree with you, but wanted to point out that erotic art is defined as:

"relating to or tending to arouse sexual desire or excitement."


----------



## bandit.45

Jessica38 said:


> This has been my experience as well. My girlfriends who have had these done as surprises for their husbands all went to female photographers who specialized in tasteful boudoir photos (without full nudity).


I would not be angry if it was boudoir photos as long as there was another woman present, or one of he girlfriends accompanies her and stays in the room while the pics are being taken. I would actually really appreciate my partner doing that for me. I know one guy who does boudoir photography in Phoenix, and he has a lady who works with him who does makeup and hair, and she stays present during the entire shoot. 

I would prefer my woman tell me beforehand that she is going to do it, but if it were done as a surprise I wouldn't sweat it too much. 

Now, this is different from erotic photography or porn. I consider boudoir and erotic photography to be two different things. I don't think I would appreciate my partner spreading her naughty bits for some other guy, whether chaperoned or not, especially if the pics could end up on the internet.


----------



## Edo Edo

Jessica38 said:


> I hear you, and in this case, I don't think it's a matter of being inflexible when our spouse does something that hurts us, as you can see from the response here. Marriage means caring for another person and considering them when we make decisions, not doing whatever we want. If we do what we want regardless of what is best for the marriage, we are acting independently, instead of interdependently, and at that point, why be married?
> 
> There is nothing inflexible about holding your spouse to their commitment to "forsake all others" and expect that they will not be spending their time away from you naked with the OS to take sexualized photos against your wishes.



I agree with that, but it's also important that hot button issues or "deal breakers" be covered long before a marriage takes place. I'll give you an example from my own life. I rarely drink alcohol anymore (maybe 5 - 10 drinks per year at most). I don't really like the taste (except for maybe a captain and coke) and don't like the morning after feeling. However, cannabis is one thing I have enjoyed for pretty much my entire adult life. The best way I could describe the use is how someone would return home and have a beer after a stressful work day. I'd say an average of 2 - 4 times per week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. My wife grew up with the "just say no" mentality and never tried it, though she new I did. I know this can be controversial to some and I was upfront with her on our second date. She acknowledged it, but barely said two words about it the entire time that we dated and in our engagement. Well, within a week after we were married she dropped the line, "now that we're married, you can't do that anymore..." That was simply not acceptable. To me, I was honest from the very beginning and if my use was a problem for her, she should have also been upfront with me from the beginning. Considering that I do not show any of the stereotypes of a "pothead" (I earn six figures annually, help w/ chores around the house, don't munch out, responsible with money...), and I conduct myself as safely as possible (both in the quality of product I buy and my method of obtaining), she really didn't have too much to say except for the standard "drug war propaganda" put out by the government that's already been proven false time and time again. So we fought about it for awhile because we both thought we were right, but at the end of the day, a compromise was needed - and agreed upon. I stopped smoking, in favor of using a vaporizer or edibles and agreed to only partake out of any public view. For her part, she stopped saying anything negative about it and generally accepted it as part of who I am. It worked out fine. Fast forward a few years, and after a couple of minor health problems on her part, she now agrees with me that it should be legal for everyone and that big pharma and the government have been lying about cannabis the whole time. She's still a little too nervous to try it, but she now supports people who do.

The point that I make in this that two people "growing together" does not mean that one person's desires or interests have to be cut off completely. That will very easily cause resentment, which destroys relationships. Instead, if something your partner wants to do makes you uncomfortable, talk it out and find a compromise. You may not like everything that comes out of it, but it'll be a benefit to your marriage in the long run...


----------



## bandit.45

BioFury said:


> I don't see why everyone seems to think it's ok, so long as there's another female in the room. Another person doesn't change the fact that some dude is eye-balling your wife stark naked.
> 
> I've heard the "professional" garbage about how doctors, photographers, and anyone who gets paid doesn't care about that stuff, but it's simply not true. Yes, your doctor acts professional while he's with you. Afterwards, he's sharing how nice your boobs are with his co-workers. Men are men, and women are women. People don't stop being attracted to the opposite sex, simply because they're working.


If you are uncomfortable with it then you need to let your partner know up front. 

But I have to point out: what is the difference between your partner having sex with the photographer; or not screwing the photographer, but then coming home and banging the next door neighbor who she's been having an affair with for the last five months? 

Cheaters cheat. If a partner wants to cheat on you they are going to do so, whether it be in a photo studio, the mop closet at the office or in the back seat of a car. If your partner is not a cheater, she's going to give you a gift of some sexy photos to show her love for you. If she is a cheater she'll bang the photographer. And lets be real, no reputable portrait/boudoir photographer is going to risk his career and livelihood by leaking pics on to the net. He knows how fast his butt would end up in a lawsuit and how quickly that would destroy his reputation.


----------



## Edo Edo

Jessica38 said:


> I agree with this when you're an OB and delivering a baby or performing surgery on a vagina. But when you're posing nude for sexy boudoir photos, you're by definition sexualizing nudity.



True. I guess my point is to what degree the nudity is being sexualized. Much of this has to do with how tasteful the photographs are. This goes back to my original opinion about if my wife were in the industry, she'd know what is tasteful and what is not on a professional level, whereas if she had no experience modeling, she may not know what the industry standard of tasteful is. I would not want her to be tricked into allowing none tasteful photos of her to be taken. 

Again, moot point, since she would never model for this anyway, just trying to clarify my post...


----------



## sokillme

EleGirl said:


> While interesting, the is thread is not really about the same situation that inspired it.
> 
> 
> In that thread, the husband is the photographer. He's not naked. He's photographing women who are in provocative poses and sometimes naked.
> 
> Part of the problem is that his wife is not comfortable with him doing these sorts of shoots, so he sneaks out and does them. She has found out about 5 of them over a period of a few years. He claims that he has only done the ones that his wife found out. He also claims that the models usually bring someone else along with them, like a boyfriend.
> 
> His wife apparently does not believe that these are just photo shoots.
> 
> So to be equivalent, the question would be:
> 
> Me would you be comfortable with your wife going off secretly to photograph naked men in a provocative photo shoot. She claims that the guys bring someone with them so she is not alone with the naked, or near naked guys.


Wait what? I thought this was about what husband's would think. Also there was nothing about secrets that would be so much worse.


----------



## sokillme

Personal said:


> It's simple really, there are lots of people who don't equate nudity on its own with sex, since sex can be had while wearing clothes. That said there are also lots of people who think sexually titillating photography of themselves and or their sexual partners is also perfectly fine as well.


Hence the question. It really has to do with how you feel about it and what the boundaries are in your marriage. If people are cool with it then really that is between them. However if one of the spouses is not cool with it then I think the courteous thing to do is adhere to the boundaries of your relationship. This is all a part of what it takes to have a successful partnership.


----------



## Jessica38

Edo Edo said:


> I agree with that, but it's also important that hot button issues or "deal breakers" be covered long before a marriage takes place. I'll give you an example from my own life. I rarely drink alcohol anymore (maybe 5 - 10 drinks per year at most). I don't really like the taste (except for maybe a captain and coke) and don't like the morning after feeling. However, cannabis is one thing I have enjoyed for pretty much my entire adult life. The best way I could describe the use is how someone would return home and have a beer after a stressful work day. I'd say an average of 2 - 4 times per week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. My wife grew up with the "just say no" mentality and never tried it, though she new I did. I know this can be controversial to some and I was upfront with her on our second date. She acknowledged it, but barely said two words about it the entire time that we dated and in our engagement. Well, within a week after we were married she dropped the line, "now that we're married, you can't do that anymore..." That was simply not acceptable. To me, I was honest from the very beginning and if my use was a problem for her, she should have also been upfront with me from the beginning. Considering that I do not show any of the stereotypes of a "pothead" (I earn six figures annually, help w/ chores around the house, don't munch out, responsible with money...), and I conduct myself as safely as possible (both in the quality of product I buy and my method of obtaining), she really didn't have too much to say except for the standard "drug war propaganda" put out by the government that's already been proven false time and time again. So we fought about it for awhile because we both thought we were right, but at the end of the day, a compromise was needed - and agreed upon. I stopped smoking, in favor of using a vaporizer or edibles and agreed to only partake out of any public view. For her part, she stopped saying anything negative about it and generally accepted it as part of who I am. It worked out fine. Fast forward a few years, and after a couple of minor health problems on her part, she now agrees with me that it should be legal for everyone and that big pharma and the government have been lying about cannabis the whole time. She's still a little too nervous to try it, but she now supports people who do.
> 
> The point that I make in this that two people "growing together" does not mean that one person's desires or interests have to be cut off completely. That will very easily cause resentment, which destroys relationships. Instead, if something your partner wants to do makes you uncomfortable, talk it out and find a compromise. You may not like everything that comes out of it, but it'll be a benefit to your marriage in the long run...


Good point, and I've actually reversed my zero-tolerance stance on cannabis for the same reasons as your wife. I did however make it clear to my husband when we were dating that I wouldn't date a pot smoker and he respected that boundary. Now I have no issue with it whatsoever.

My personal boundaries regarding drinking have changed though. Once we had kids I was no longer ok with having drunk people in our home. I grew up in a moderate drinking household and never saw an issue with drinking, until I realized that several of our friends' drinking was out of control for afternoon bbq's with little ones running around. So I did set firm boundaries on that after marriage, when before marriage it didn't even phase me. This led to limiting friendships. In my defense, one of these guys ended up drinking himself to death, so it clearly was a serious problem.


----------



## Jessica38

sokillme said:


> Hence the question. It really has to do with how you feel about it and what the boundaries are in your marriage. If people are cool with it then really that is between them. However if one of the spouses is not cool with it then I think the courteous thing to do is adhere to the boundaries of your relationship. This is all a part of what it takes to have a successful partnership.


:iagree:


----------



## harrybrown

She has had really rotten boundaries.

I have pointed out time and again.

this has reduced any desire to stay in the marriage. More nails in the coffin of our marriage. even though married for 40 years. 


If she did this , then i could end it earlier. .


----------



## Dannip

My first post here. 

I am a guy and a photographer. One of the first things I would do is find out if the guy is a photographer or just a "guy with camera". 

Does the photographer have at least liability insurance. Get a copy of his policy naming you as an insured. Insurance companies will always quickly email or fax the requested policy coverage to the client. If not, I'd stay away for that reason alone. 

Does he make a living doing this, or at least a respectable amount of income. Does he have references, assistants, hair and makeup support. Does he work alone. Look into his previous work. Talk to previous female clients for references and experience maybe her husband too. Does he use model releases and details you can agree to and sign. Will he sit down and speak with you and listen to what your goals are? Or just want to quickly set something up. 

Does he check off some Or all of these items? It's just information. Even use your gut feel. Not quite right? Just move on. 

My wife and I have a friend - single mother getting "up" in age. She had some boudoir photos done that were not very well done. Not really taking advantage or showing off her strengths/assets. 

She's seen some of my work and would like me to take more of her. This plus nudes. Not erotic nudes but dark moody mysterious bodyscape. not revealing private areas. Again she's sensitive age-wise that she won't be young forever and wants the work done before nature intervenes. 

I am willing to do the shoot. Even though my wife and I know her personally, I told her I'll
always have at least another female along to help. I wont be with a female alone regardless of the work. Simple as that. If my wife does not come along for her to bring a female friend or two. That generally generates more business anyway. Bodyscapes don't need hair and makeup or the expense of that person attending. 

For individual work, I find boyfriends or husbands can interfere or cause the lady to focus on him rather than the work at hand. You might see it in her face and pose. It can negatively impact the work and even flow of the shoot. The photographer does have a huge role in helping a nervous client relax and earn trust. That happens even before the shoot. A female makeup artist or other female being present helps male photographers a lot. Ladies can share a laugh of embarrassment or a correction that a guy simply can't. 

No pro photographer will touch a female or do anything wrong or he won't work again. 

I sometimes use a voice recorder legally for photo shoots. 

As for temptations - that's up to the photographer and client. I feel none on a shoot. It's work and I am focused and getting lighting right, tons of details in poses, advice and direction. I do a lot of planning before the shoot and a lot work post shoot. I am interested in an excellent reputation and referrals. Cheating achieves nothing for me. 

There or not, my wife trusts me. So do I. There's
Nothing that can happen that will get me to violate my marriage. Same values as when I was single. Just because I'm married does not suddenly change me into a loyal, honorable guy. My values were there first well before marriage. 

So there are legit males doing photography and I assume "guys with cameras" trying to get a cheap thrill. Ive never met any though. Different circles I suppose.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Interesting. Well, let's add the other puzzle piece. The men in the previous thread wouldn't engage in false equivalence. Many of us said he was completely and utterly wrong for lying and keeping secrets. We also said the photos were okay for his job. What started the derail is quite a few people balked at nude photos equaling a reason to have a SEXUAL AFFAIR.

Be mad at the dude, don't believe his story, but let's also add why it became a hot topic in a new thread.


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## AussieRN

BioFury said:


> I don't see why everyone seems to think it's ok, so long as there's another female in the room. Another person doesn't change the fact that some dude is eye-balling your wife stark naked.
> 
> I've heard the "professional" garbage about how doctors, photographers, and anyone who gets paid doesn't care about that stuff, but it's simply not true. Yes, your doctor acts professional while he's with you. Afterwards, he's sharing how nice your boobs are with his co-workers. Men are men, and women are women. People don't stop being attracted to the opposite sex, simply because they're working.


Hate to break it to you but that's simply not true. Of course as in any profession there's going to be the odd sleazy one but for 99.9% of us were simply not interested. We have far to much on our minds at work to be bothering with checking out someone's gear. I've certainly heard comments made about colleagues but never about patients, relatives, friends thereof etc.

It might be nice to think that the hot nurse is secretly perving on you but the reality is she might be looking at you but she's actually thinking about the 428 tasks still to do that shift whilst simultaneously trying not to pee her pants because she hasn't had time to go for 6 hours and trying to decide if it'd be ok to eat lunch while sitting on the loo to save time.


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## Jessica38

sokillme said:


> Hence the question. It really has to do with how you feel about it and what the boundaries are in your marriage. If people are cool with it then really that is between them. However if one of the spouses is not cool with it then I think the courteous thing to do is adhere to the boundaries of your relationship. This is all a part of what it takes to have a successful partnership.


:iagree:


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## chillymorn69

I would not be ok with my wife being photographed naked unless it was me!

Unless she was getting paid big bucks and i was present during the shoot. And even then I wouldn't like it


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## chillymorn69

AussieRN said:


> Hate to break it to you but that's simply not true. Of course as in any profession there's going to be the odd sleazy one but for 99.9% of us were simply not interested. We have far to much on our minds at work to be bothering with checking out someone's gear. I've certainly heard comments made about colleagues but never about patients, relatives, friends thereof etc.
> 
> It might be nice to think that the hot nurse is secretly perving on you but the reality is she might be looking at you but she's actually thinking about the 428 tasks still to do that shift whilst simultaneously trying not to pee her pants because she hasn't had time to go for 6 hours and trying to decide if it'd be ok to eat lunch while sitting on the loo to save time.


Drs,nurses,police,lawyers,judges....etc. are just peole and are no more honest than the rest of general population.


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## sokillme

AussieRN said:


> Hate to break it to you but that's simply not true. Of course as in any profession there's going to be the odd sleazy one but for 99.9% of us were simply not interested. We have far to much on our minds at work to be bothering with checking out someone's gear. I've certainly heard comments made about colleagues but never about patients, relatives, friends thereof etc.


I worked in a golf country club with lots of members who were doctors. I worked in the locker room and there was a bar in there and inevitably there was much talk. The things I heard from the doctors would make a sailor blush. They weren't talking to me, it was mostly to other members and the bar tenders, but I was there all of 16 years old listening.

Not all of it was not because there patients were attractive, sometimes it was the opposite, sometimes it had nothing to do with attraction or anything like that it was just gross stories. This wasn't just one doctor either lots them freely talked about this stuff. Now we didn't know who the patients were but still. Since those days I tell every female family member I know. Go with a women doctor.


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## EleGirl

sokillme said:


> Wait what? I thought this was about what husband's would think. Also there was nothing about secrets that would be so much worse.


Yes, what would husbands think if their wife (who is a photographer) snuck off to take photos of naked and near naked men in erotic photo shoots? 

Would you (and the other men on TAM) be ok with their wife doing this?

Would you believe her when she said that it she was only doing it professionally and there was nothing else going on between her and the naked (or near naked) guy she was photographing?


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## EleGirl

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Interesting. Well, let's add the other puzzle piece. The men in the previous thread wouldn't engage in false equivalence. Many of us said he was completely and utterly wrong for lying and keeping secrets. We also said the photos were okay for his job. What started the derail is quite a few people balked at nude photos equaling a reason to have a SEXUAL AFFAIR.
> 
> Be mad at the dude, don't believe his story, but let's also add why it became a hot topic in a new thread.


I don't think that some people equated nude photo to a sexual affair.

I think that some people did not believe that he was telling the truth. Some people believed that he used 'photo shoots' as an excuse to cover up meetups (affairs) with some women.


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## BetrayedDad

Personal said:


> It's simple really, there are lots of people who don't equate nudity on its own with sex


If your talking about a naked baby or a senior citizen then sure I agree....

But if you take a decent looking member of the opposite sex (or same sex depending on your sexual orientation) and place them butt naked in front of you then 99% of people are conceptualizing what it would be like to bang them. You can "act" professional outwardly but your brain can't fight a million years of evolution.


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## Personal

@BetrayedDad I've seen lots of decent looking naked women in person between the ages of 18 and say 50 and haven't thought about wanting to have sex with most of them.

Not everyone thinks like you.

That said all that matters is what people actually do, not what they think.


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## Personal

Further to the above I can and do readily think about sex with some women without ever seeing them naked.


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## Dannip

EleGirl said:


> Yes, what would husbands think if their wife (who is a photographer) snuck off to take photos of naked and near naked men in erotic photo shoots?
> 
> Would you (and the other men on TAM) be ok with their wife doing this?
> 
> Would you believe her when she said that it she was only doing it professionally and there was nothing else going on between her and the naked (or near naked) guy she was photographing?


I agree. Secrecy ruins relationships. My wife always knows where I go if on location. She's aware of my shoots. She'll come along if she can to help. I don't do erotic work. 

If I went around doing photo shoots of women for free she'd probably never allow it. If I did so secretly anyway I'm pretty sure she would leave. I know I would. I don't always shoot intimate sessions (maybe < 10% ish) and she knows knows the details regardless of the job. It's in my calendar and notes. I inform her of these jobs. 

If my wife is no longer comfortable with me doing this type of work, I'd stop. I've done photography before we got married and she knows me and trusts me. 

At least for the guys reading, I've never been solicited in any way by a client. Sometimes, women have done shoots in secrecy without their husband/boyfriend's knowledge to provide a surprise or gift for an anniversary or other reasons. But, they would always bring a friend along. In fact, during the shoot, I'd have her think of her husband as he will be getting the photos. The work is for him most of the time. I get a much more beautiful look when she thinks and focuses on her husband than her posing for me or the camera. The work done is for you not me. 

When a client pays good money for something the dynamic is different. 

A few years ago, I did a great shoot with a terrific model for some commercial work who was interested later in doing nude shoots for herself. I did gently turned her down as the vibe from her was wrong. She lived a lifestyle I don't care for.


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## wilson

Whether or not the photographer is a professional or not isn't the issue. It's the fact that nude photography is in the realm of sexuality, and spouses have veto power over these kinds of issues. If a compromise cannot be reached, then it shouldn't happen, or they should break up. One spouse doing things in the sexual realm that the other spouse isn't comfortable with is not productive to a long-term relationship.

The only time I can think of that it would be okay to secretly get nude photos done is if they were a gift for your spouse. But in that case, presumably you know your spouse well enough to know that they would enjoy the photos and not be offended that they were taken.


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## Jessica38

Dannip said:


> I agree. Secrecy ruins relationships. My wife always knows where I go if on location. She's aware of my shoots. She'll come along if she can to help. I don't do erotic work.
> 
> If I went around doing photo shoots of women for free she'd probably never allow it. If I did so secretly anyway I'm pretty sure she would leave. I know I would. I don't always shoot intimate sessions (maybe < 10% ish) and she knows knows the details regardless of the job. It's in my calendar and notes. I inform her of these jobs.
> 
> *If my wife is no longer comfortable with me doing this type of work, I'd stop. I've done photography before we got married and she knows me and trusts me. *
> 
> At least for the guys reading, I've never been solicited in any way by a client. Sometimes, women have done shoots in secrecy without their husband/boyfriend's knowledge to provide a surprise or gift for an anniversary or other reasons. But, they would always bring a friend along. In fact, during the shoot, I'd have her think of her husband as he will be getting the photos. The work is for him most of the time. I get a much more beautiful look when she thinks and focuses on her husband than her posing for me or the camera. The work done is for you not me.
> 
> When a client pays good money for something the dynamic is different.
> 
> A few years ago, I did a great shoot with a terrific model for some commercial work who was interested later in doing nude shoots for herself. I did gently turned her down as the vibe from her was wrong. She lived a lifestyle I don't care for.


Good for you. You sound like a complete professional who puts his marriage first. The world needs more men like you.


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## phillybeffandswiss

EleGirl said:


> I don't think that some people equated nude photo to a sexual affair.
> 
> I think that some people did not believe that he was telling the truth. Some people believed that he used 'photo shoots' as an excuse to cover up meetups (affairs) with some women.


Some people believed he deserved the affair because he lied about the nude photo shoots. I don't think it was just about coverups for affairs and meetups.


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## Jessica38

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Some people believed he deserved the affair because he lied about the nude photo shoots. I don't think it was just about coverups for affairs and meetups.


I didn't see that on the other thread. I repeatedly posted that his lack of openness and honesty broke the trust in the marriage and that he was willing to repeatedly hurt his wife by doing something that upset her. Those are all reasons that can lead to a spouse giving up on their marriage, emotionally divorcing their spouse, and even matching their independent behavior (where you do what you want even if it hurts your spouse) with your own (doing whatever you want even if it hurts your spouse). This does not mean he deserved the affair- it simply means that to recover the marriage, he will need to change his own behavior in the marriage as well. 

Several others have pointed out on this thread that if their wives treated them this way, they too would want to leave the marriage and/or decide that they can start doing whatever they want in the marriage as well.


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## EleGirl

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Some people believed he deserved the affair because he lied about the nude photo shoots. I don't think it was just about coverups for affairs and meetups.


His wife thought it was about cover ups for affairs and meetups. That was the problem. And he kept doing them even though she thought that is what was going on.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Jessica38 said:


> I didn't see that on the other thread. I repeatedly posted that his lack of openness and honesty broke the trust in the marriage and that he was willing to repeatedly hurt his wife by doing something that upset her. Those are all reasons that can lead to a spouse giving up on their marriage, emotionally divorcing their spouse, and even matching their independent behavior (where you do what you want even if it hurts your spouse) with your own (doing whatever you want even if it hurts your spouse). This does not mean he deserved the affair- it simply means that to recover the marriage, he will need to change his own behavior in the marriage as well.
> 
> Several others have pointed out on this thread that if their wives treated them this way, they too would want to leave the marriage and/or decide that they can start doing whatever they want in the marriage as well.


Yes, I read what other people said. I am adding more context since the husband lying was addressed, I added her affair into the thread.



EleGirl said:


> His wife thought it was about cover ups for affairs and meetups. That was the problem. And he kept doing them even though she thought that is what was going on.


Yes, and the other problem in the thread was her affair.

I am making you two unhappy so, I will move along.


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## Jessica38

Move along if you want, but you're not making me unhappy...just pointing out that no one said he deserved the affair, any more than she deserved to be lied to because she didn't like him taking erotic photos of naked women, which as his wife, she perfectly within her right to decide.

Thanks again to all who shared in this thread. I really wanted to understand your perspective on a situation like this in marriage and everyone here helped me do that.


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## EleGirl

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Yes, I read what other people said. I am adding more context since the husband lying was addressed, I added her affair into the thread.
> 
> Yes, and the other problem in the thread was her affair.
> 
> I am making you two unhappy so, I will move along.


Why do you think you are making me unhappy? Odd thing to say when all we are doing is discussing things.

I believe that his actions need to be looked as separately because he is responsible for his actions. He stated that his wife believed that the photo shoots were not what he said that they were.

If my husband snuck around like that, I would not believe him either.

Now I would not have an affair. I would just divorce his sorry, lying, sneaking ass.

He owns his lying and sneaking around.
She owns her affair.

She chose the wrong way to end their relationship.

The point of this thread is to find out how men would react if their wife did the exact thing that he did. Clearly, many of the men on this thread would not believe that it was just a photo shoot.


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## Personal

EleGirl said:


> The point of this thread is to find out how men would react if their wife did the exact thing that he did. Clearly, many of the men on this thread would not believe that it was just a photo shoot.


*Husbands, How Would You Feel if Your Wife Posed Nude for Sexy Photos Taken By a Guy?*



Jessica38 said:


> *I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent?* And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?


The first post suggests the OP is wanting to know if husbands would be okay if their wife posed nude for sexy photos taken by another guy. Which is not the same thing as their wife taking sexy photos of other men and women for work, which would be equivalent to what he was doing.


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## Jessica38

Personal said:


> *Husbands, How Would You Feel if Your Wife Posed Nude for Sexy Photos Taken By a Guy?*
> 
> 
> 
> The first post suggests the OP is wanting to know if husbands would be okay if their wife posed nude for sexy photos taken by another guy. Which is not the same thing as their wife taking sexy photos of other men and women for work, which would be equivalent to what he was doing.


I wanted to know how husbands would feel with their wives in the situation of boudoir/sexy nude shots. Someone has to be on either end of the photo shoot, and this seemed most contextually relevant to what I wanted to know. After all, in the other thread the wife didn't like that a naked woman would be alone with her husband. So I wanted to know how husbands would feel about a man alone with their naked wife for a photo shoot. So that's the question I asked. >

And yes, in the previous thread, the OP did state that there were times where he was alone with the naked woman he was photographing.


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## EleGirl

Personal said:


> *Husbands, How Would You Feel if Your Wife Posed Nude for Sexy Photos Taken By a Guy?*
> 
> 
> 
> The first post suggests the OP is wanting to know if husbands would be okay if their wife posed nude for sexy photos taken by another guy. Which is not the same thing as their wife taking sexy photos of other men and women for work, which would be equivalent to what he was doing.


I agree with you on that. This thread was apparently started to find out what men would think if their wives did what the guy in that other thread did. But the question in the OP is the wrong question. I have a post a couple of page ago that addresses what the question should have been.

So yea, this thread does not address the exact equivalent situation.


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## Jessica38

EleGirl said:


> I agree with you on that. This thread was apparently started to find out what men would think if their wives did what the guy in that other thread did. But the question in the OP is the wrong question. I have a post a couple of page ago that addresses what the question should have been.
> 
> So yea, this thread does not address the exact equivalent situation.


Obviously it's not the exact equivalent situation, but it's the one I was most interested in based on the other thread and the comments posted there, so thanks again to all who replied!


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## sokillme

EleGirl said:


> Yes, what would husbands think if their wife (who is a photographer) snuck off to take photos of naked and near naked men in erotic photo shoots?
> 
> Would you (and the other men on TAM) be ok with their wife doing this?
> 
> Would you believe her when she said that it she was only doing it professionally and there was nothing else going on between her and the naked (or near naked) guy she was photographing?


I bet you can guess what I am going to say. Pretty much the same thing as before except that the secret part does even more damage. And no I wouldn't believe her.


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## sokillme

Jessica38 said:


> Several others have pointed out on this thread that if their wives treated them this way, they too would want to leave the marriage and/or decide that they can start doing whatever they want in the marriage as well.


All those things are not an affair. She should have done just that leave. An affair is intentionally inflicting abuse on your partner. Abuse is wrong in any context. Though I see some nuance in a revenge affair as I personally think the contract is broken, still thing is the wrong course of actions. Dump the cheater and then move on seems much healthier.


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## Jessica38

sokillme said:


> All those things are not an affair. She should have done just that leave. An affair is intentionally inflicting abuse on your partner. Abuse is wrong in any context. Though I see some nuance in a revenge affair as I personally think the contract is broken, still thing is the wrong course of actions. Dump the cheater and then move on seems much healthier.


I agree with you in theory- in practice though I've watched friends struggle with grey areas in their marriages where it doesn't seem like enough to divorce over, but it is enough to damage the marriage. One friend comes to mind. She has 4 little kids and her husband refuses to stop wining and dining attractive female clients 1 on 1. It hurts her, it offends her....but he's not technically cheating. He has lied to her though about who he went to sports games with, saying it was with a male colleague when it was 1 on 1 with another woman, who posted the two of them on FB. She was wearing a very sexy low cut top. It hurt my friend, who was at home caring for the kids at the time.

Guess who now feels she has every right to go to dinner with other men 1 on 1? And before anyone says "but that was for work!", this friend started a side job in the same industry, so it really is a similar situation.

I don't condone it and have told her so. But it was interesting that her husband got very upset about it and didn't like it one bit...


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## Personal

Jessica38 said:


> I wanted to know how husbands would feel with their wives in the situation of boudoir/sexy nude shots. Someone has to be on either end of the photo shoot, and this seemed most contextually relevant to what I wanted to know. After all, in the other thread the wife didn't like that a naked woman would be alone with her husband. So I wanted to know how husbands would feel about a man alone with their naked wife for a photo shoot. So that's the question I asked. >
> 
> And yes, in the previous thread, the OP did state that there were times where he was alone with the naked woman he was photographing.


I still would be fine with it because I trust my wife, I trust her judgement and I trust her behaviour and integrity.

My wife and I discussed this thread not that long ago when she called me during her lunch break. Then reiterated that she's fine with me being alone or with others when drawing or painting someone sans clothing, in fact on many occasions she has encouraged me to do exactly that. Just as she would also be okay with me taking photographs of other women and men sans clothing if they modelled for me.

We even have some of my nude paintings of other women on our walls in our living room.

She doesn't get the angst over such things and went on to say she thought the Western World had largely gotten over such nonsense last century. And had started to move away from such consternation even as far back as the 18th century.

Likewise my wife has also agreed to pose nude for a painting that I will enter into a prestigious national art prize. All going well she will get significant national exposure from it.

Sexy pictures are cool, erotic pictures are cool just as sexy and erotic people are cool sans clothing or otherwise.

Marital infidelity doesn't require nudity and nudity isn't responsible for marital infidelity.


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## TaDor

I used to do some photography - have done photos of sex / nude models.

If my wife wanted to do such a project - she wouldn't have to hide it from me and I would likely be on the photo-shot anyway. Now, if my (or anyone else's wife) said they DON'T want you or another friend on the shoot, then something fishy is going on.

A few years back, a well known art and erotic photographer did offer to do a free shoot for us (because we were/are on limited funds) as we also talked about topic with his wife (who is also one of his models).

But, that's me.


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## Dannip

Well, it finally happened to me. Went out on a shoot. Asked my wife is she wanted to come along. That week and the day I left. She declined. 

I picked the lady up. She didn't have a friend along... I asked were her friend is.. oh well. Took off for a remote drive for an outdoor shoot. Had several looks. She changed in the car. Final outfit wasn't. I kind of expected it. Finished shooting that outfit too and drove her home. 

She asked me in for a drink and go through the images. Again, no big deal. Took a while as we shoot several hundred pictures. I took notes for her favorites and for editing. 

Got home, told my wife we were alone, no friend came along. Showed her all the pics. My wife wasn't surprised either by the last set. 

I could tell her body language she was just a bit uneasy. No arguments though. I just told her everything I did that day. She trusts me. The model made no moves or even hinted about anything. I did thank her for trusting me. 

So, nothing happened. Other than me shooting alone with a female. Voice recorded anyway. Legal in my state. Hope my wife will come along next time. 

A few pictures were magazine cover quality. The model is super happy too.


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## Sly Fox

Dannip said:


> She asked me in for a drink and go through the images. Again, no big deal. Took a while as we shoot several hundred pictures. I took notes for her favorites and for editing.


Imo that is a big deal, to go into her private residence for a drink. You're lucky to have a trusting wife who didn't make a big fuss, but I can see a lot of ladies not being cool with this. 

If you want to do this professionally and photograph models, why don't you have an office and they can make an appt to see you when you are ready to review photos.


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## Dannip

Sly Fox said:


> Imo that is a big deal, to go into her private residence for a drink. You're lucky to have a trusting wife who didn't make a big fuss, but I can see a lot of ladies not being cool with this.
> 
> If you want to do this professionally and photograph models, why don't you have an office and they can make an appt to see you when you are ready to review photos.


Oops. Was not alcohol. It was a drive and was on my way. Makes sense. The point is you can work with folks without the threat of blowing up a marriage. We pre selected images. Saving a time wasting meeting.


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## wildpair711

My wife went to a Playboy casting call and then had a test shoot done and she loved it and so did I - posing for nude photos is, in my opinion, not being unfaithful as long as it is discussed and known about. The pics came out amazing and we both enjoyed the experience - it is not for everyone BUT if you have an insecure wife, this is a great booster for her ego and highly recommended when done right!


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## hinterdir

That crosses an intimacy line for me. I would divorce her. But I would never marry a nude model. I'd divorce if she took it up.


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## sokillme

Jessica38 said:


> You don't agree with the stance in Surving an Affair that there are reasons in marriage why a spouse would have an affair, even though there are no excuses? The psych who wrote the book states that very often, an affair is the result of needs not being met and actions that destroy the love in marriage. That doesn't excuse anyone from the extreme pain and devastation caused by cheating, but if a couple wants to save their marriage after infidelity, the book points out that those conditions that made an affair possible must be removed and the couple must take extraordinary precautions to protect the marriage and keep it from happening again.
> 
> Look, I get that infidelity is extremely painful and no one deserves that, but most marriages will experience it (over 60%). To me, that means many of us are not taking precautions to protect our marriage. Part of that includes eliminating ALL betrayal and independent behavior in marriage, not just the most extreme (affair). To be clear, I believe that a betrayed spouse experiences extreme pain- I've heard it compared to the loss of a child. A betrayed spouse has every right to end the marriage after being put through that. Many will want to work on the marriage though and that means extraordinary precautions.


I know this is a zombie thread but I looked back at it and saw this bull****. So in the hopes of helping someone reading it. 

Who ever wrote that book, in the words of our President, should be fired. 

What are reasonable needs in a monogamous marriage? ****ing other people doesn't seem like one of them. So if that is the case in the very least ****ing another person is not solving some missing need in a marriage. 

Besides that how do we know the needs are reasonable? 

Finally there are reasonable needs and reasonable responses. A reasonable response to not having a reasonable need fulfilled is to say something and at worst end it. Abuse is never a reasonable response, it's abuse. A reasonable response to abuse is divorce though.


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## 2ntnuf

Jessica38 said:


> I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent? And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?


Did she talk with him first? If not, they have more problems than nude modeling. 

If she did it anyway, that is her right. It's his right to divorce for irreconcilable differences. She obviously does not care about his feelings and/or they are so different, they will likely have more issues in the future. He will be consistently frustrated, as he believes they are a team and she doesn't.


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## ConanHub

sokillme said:


> I know this is a zombie thread but I looked back at it and saw this bull****. So in the hopes of helping someone reading it.
> 
> Who ever wrote that book, in the words of our President, should be fired.
> 
> What are reasonable needs in a monogamous marriage? ****ing other people doesn't seem like one of them. So if that is the case in the very least ****ing another person is not solving some missing need in a marriage.
> 
> Besides that how do we know the needs are reasonable?
> 
> Finally there are reasonable needs and reasonable responses. A reasonable response to not having a reasonable need fulfilled is to say something and at worst end it. Abuse is never a reasonable response, it's abuse. A reasonable response to abuse is divorce though.


I'm glad this thread was resurrected because I somehow missed it. Great topic!

I happen to fully agree with you about Dr. Harley.

I like his marriage advice for the most part but he is nuttier than a potato sack full of cats and nip when it comes to infidelity.


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## ConanHub

We would consider sexy photos of Mrs. C for me but we talked to a female photographer and her nudity is just for my eyes in the sexual arena.

She wouldn't even consider it and definitely wouldn't do it against my will or behind my back.


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## sokillme

I don't understand why people just don't buy a camera and learn on the job, taking pictures for themselves as a couple? Good cameras are cheep enough. Then you can practice and take breaks when needed (If you know what I mean). Who cares what the pictures look like, they will get better, with practice. Lots and lots of practice. Seems like a win win.


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## LeGenDary_Man

Jessica38 said:


> I'm curious as to how many husbands here would be ok with their wives spending hours posing nude for sexy photos taken by a guy who is trying to expand his photography talent?


HELL NO in my case.

I would not mind my wife taking sexy photos of herself from her personal camera though. 

At most, I might permit my SIL (wife's sister) to take such photos of my wife but with my wife's camera only and only if my wife is onboard with this notion, but my wife has to inform me beforehand and these photos are not to be shared either. But knowing my wife and SIL well enough, both are unlikely to go down this route on their own.



Jessica38 said:


> And if you told her that you are not ok with this, and she did it anyway, how would that make you feel?


My wife wouldn't do it against my will or behind my back; she is conservative in this regard.

But to answer your question hypothetically, I would be furious.


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## EleGirl

Zombie thread


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