# Need feedback on bringing vibrators in...



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Of course I should be talking about this with H but I am still thinking it over.

For those not familiar with my story - the vast majority of my marriage has been without orgasms. This just recently changed so this is all new ground to me.

For the past 10 years I have had reliable, consistent results with a vibrator. This was just by myself. Less than 5 min. I gave it a rest in March or so, during the process of leveling with H about the no orgasms. For one I felt that such long term usage had desensitized me. For two it was a way of reaching out to H if he was willing to work on things with me. I have not been using it.

It takes 15-20 min for me to do it manually. It takes twice this long for H to do it. I often do not make it this far in the process. Once my brain turns to inconveniencing him, why must I be so defective, why must this be so difficult, he's totally hating this - there is not much point in continuing.

Now - I'm the fist to admit the process feels better when he does it. Its not at all that I'm pining for the vibrator. It is just such a struggle. Its a struggle that could be quickly eliminated. 

I would love to just remove all that struggle. And I would love to have an orgasm with him inside me. I'm 43 - I have never felt this. 

I asked H about it last week after I worked up the nerve. He said 'okay '. This was the end of the conversation. However, he hasn't brought it up since and I have felt unable to put this plan into action. 

(Insert several paragraphs about my general unworthiness and fear that H is 5 millimeters away from deciding I am not worth all this trouble. This is what I discuss with my therapist bi-weekly.)

Is there especially anyone here who is threatened by the vibrator? Perhaps it would be helpful to confront the reality of this.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

I bought my wife a vibrator and don't feel threatened at all. 
May I suggest the WeVibe Tango!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farside (Oct 27, 2012)

My wife and I went to went of those "couples sex toy parties" and since then vibrators and toys have been a frequent part of our sex lives. I was never threatened and, in fact, I'm quite turned on by it. If he said "ok" take him at his word. When putting it into action the key is to involve him beyond being a "spectator". As someone just mentioned, that's where the WeVibe comes into it.


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## DaveWalters (Aug 26, 2013)

This shouldn't be a problem. I like having access to them, and when given the option to go retrieve it from it's special place, I happily comply. As a man, I only feel threatened when I suspect it's replacing me, and I don't get to participate at all. So, go for it. Let him watch you. Let him help you. Enjoy the ride, just don't finish yourself off 4 times during the day, then deny him any attention when he gets home from work. That's taboo.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I have heard the we vibe recommended by several people.

I guess my concern is being able to get off before (or at least not far after) H with the extra stimulation for him. Its not that he has a problem with it happening too soon as much as it takes a bit longer for me.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Okay - this is good - involve him as a spectator. Make eye contact, let him help - anything else?


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## DaveWalters (Aug 26, 2013)

Anything else? Yes. Make H be a good lil helper and go clean it and put it away, so you can relax in the afterglow of a big O while he gets up and hides the evidence.


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## it is what it is (Jun 13, 2012)

So, you have not used the vibrator together, with him using it on you as kind of foreplay? It may change the intimidation factor of the vibrator when he finds out how much that thing drives you wild and takes the pressure off of him on giving you an incredible orgasm with it while using it together.

I taught my partner how to use it on me and how I liked it, he did all the work with it, held it just right with some internal finger stimulation on my g-spot and would bring me to an O, and then I couldn't wait to feel him inside of me because he was so turned on from turning me on! I would not orgasm again during PIV at that point, it just felt so amazing to both of us, and of course, he would O not long afterwards. After a little break, I would get horny again and want more vibrator and go for orgasm #2, he loved using it on me, or letting me use it on myself while he just played elsewhere.

After incorporating the vibrator into your relationship, you could use it on you while he is inside you and try to O that way.

Good luck!! Sharing orgasms are a wonderful thing in life.:smthumbup:

*Edited to mention that the vibrator I am speaking of is a clitoral silver bullet/egg shaped type vibrator.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

My H and I do use vibes on occasion. It is a useful tool when I am taking longer due to stress of things going on in life or in situations when he has been thinking about having fun all day and he is not going to be able to hang in the length of time that it will take for me.

We have used a vibe during oral, a small bullet Le Réve 3-Speed Bullet - Red - PD2639-15 - A Place For Passion works well for this. I also personally like a full feeling during oral, so my H will on occasion use this Icicles No. 5 - Twister Swirl - PD2905-00 - A Place For Passion glass wand to stimulate the g-spot or just leave stationary for that nice full feeling while he lets his tongue do the walking.

During PIV we often use this g-spot slim Harmony Slim G Vibrator 7-inch - Black - DJ0915-03 - A Place For Passion vibe. We use coconut oil for our personal lube and a bit of that on this slim vibe and it slides right in between us. The angle is great for stimulating the clit or the labia and either I can manipulate the vibe or he can, works both ways. This is great for many different positions. I also like that this is long enough that during PIV I can use this vibe to stimulate his perineum and testes. 

We got the Tiani, which is Lelo's version of the WeVibe and we were not impressed with it. I had read reviews and several people had said that it was great for solo pleasure but issues with it moving or not lining up properly for couple pleasure. We wanted to try for ourselves and I found the reviews to be right on. It would move and lose contact where it was most desired. My H thought it was a bit annoying for him. Just our experience, but considering the price, not my top choice for couple time.

My H always loves it when he can bring me over the edge without the use of toys, but he is also thrilled to be able to bring on wonderful O's with the aid of a vibe. As long as this is not something that we have to use every time, he doesn't feel threatened. 

We have spent a lot of time communicating about these things over the last several years. I used to be so shy and even after being married for years, found it difficult to speak up, to communicate well about all this. Things are so wonderful since we opened up to each other. I really wish there was not so much shaming that occurs in society, those limiting beliefs are so hard to let go of and can put such a damper on each of us.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> And I would love to have an orgasm with him inside me. I'm 43 - I have never felt this.


I'm sure he would love to feel this, too. 

Don't stress out about it. Give it a try and have fun. You don't have to continue using it if you don't want to. Maybe bring it out as a special treat, or when you're having a little extra trouble getting there.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

We incorporated vibrators into our sexual activities a few years ago. I took the initiative, and brought one home from a sex store. I spoke to both young ladies at the store, and based on input from both of them, purchased one of these: Hit The Spot Vibe, Pink, Hustler® Toys.

She began to use it by herself in private, and really liked it. I began to use it on her (inside her, actually) while I licked her cl!t.

She also uses it on herself during PIV, and lets me use it on her during foreplay. I'd like to see her use it on herself while I watch more that she has allowed (about a dozen times in 3 years or so). This particular one is used more frequently for clitoral stimulation, as she says it can be uncomfortable for penetration because of the size, although many times, immediately before she orgasms, she has drawn the entire thing into her p*ssy, I had to hold the end of it with my fingertips.

What I will say is that despite it being larger than I am, I'm not threatened by it at all, I don't even care if she occasionally uses it instead of approaching me. I know that it gives her a fast (5-10 minutes), reliable orgasm, and sometimes she prefers getting off by herself to a quickie or even a long drawn out sex session with me.

You may want to introduce it by using it on yourself in front of your H (totally HOT IMHO...). The next step would be to let him use it on you, with you possibly instructing him on what feels good. Then the final frontier for most guys would be to have their woman use it on their cl!t during PIV. A smaller battery powered one works better for use during PIV than a large wand type, those tend to get in the way.

Too many guys being pig-headed about vibrators if you ask me, they have been around for over 100 years, so they must work. Anything that gives my wife an orgasm and that makes her feel better sexually is A-OK in my book.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Well, you all will be happy to know that I did work it in. There were technical difficulties - mainly that the one I have is not a suitable shape to reach the clitoris and stay out of the way of the penis at the same time. Lets see - um - the position that allowed for the most movement happened to place the back part of the vibrator against H testicles aaaaand - well both of us got off, which is the important factor, but perhaps not in the order I had in mind. This time. Oh well, its all in good fun. I might look into some of the smaller models that many have suggested here.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I really did not need to say all that. Sorry.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> I really did not need to say all that. Sorry.


I don't have any problems with TMI. But I'm pretty blunt, and my mom is a nurse. So I'm used to the cold, hard, facts. :rofl:

Glad to hear your sex life is going better Miss Scarlet. :smthumbup:

I still can't imagine not speaking up for 18 years. How was sex enjoyable if he didn't touch you? It's amazing you didn't have LD.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Sometimes my wife will use the vibe on herself while we are doing rear-entry, and the vibe will touch my balls on the "in" stroke, which feels really nice, extra side benefit.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Glad you were able to get off from "assisted/enhanced" PIV, that is the most reliable orgasm-producing method for us. Interestingly, the cadence of my thrusting still has to be just so in order for her to orgasm from this.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I don't have any problems with TMI. But I'm pretty blunt, and my mom is a nurse. So I'm used to the cold, hard, facts. :rofl:
> 
> Glad to hear your sex life is going better Miss Scarlet. :smthumbup:
> 
> I still can't imagine not speaking up for 18 years. How was sex enjoyable if he didn't touch you? It's amazing you didn't have LD.


I always found PIV to feel enjoyable. I just did not ever associate it with orgasm because I had never had one from the other. I felt rather trapped in that I didn't want to make him do something unwillingly. I kept thinking of the many women I know who wont give their husbands oral - and questioning if its right to pressure a person into doing something they are uncomfortable with.

But anyway - yeah, when I realized it had been 18 years I was like wtf!

I had other sexual partners aside from my H and they were more handsy and more oral but still no O.


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## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

I posted this for another thread but in applies here:

"As long as you can reassure him that nothing like a toy can ever replace the real thing then he should be able to handle it and enjoy that it spices up both of your sex lives.

Actually, I can see how this would make some men disappointed or humiliated if they're not thinking about it the right way. It's kind of like porn. Porn women are usually perfect physical specimens and act like they are nymphomaniacs. Few women can compete.

Dildos and vibrators are designed to perfectly stimulate a woman with machine precision and endurance. I noticed that women tend to rave about certain popular toys on online sex stores. They make it clear that it feels much better than what a man can do.

I would try my best to not be intimidated. I would want my partner to explore herself sexually and to be in control of her sexuality as much as possible. If this means a big dildo or a top notch vibrator that can do things I physically can't as an actual guy I could deal with it as long as it enhanced our sex life. I couldn't have said this when I was younger because I would be intimidated. But I would be OK and even like it if it was obviously only an enhancement and not a replacement.

I don't want to be afraid of women's sexuality and know that dildos and vibrators can do things that a man can't. I appreciate that a woman who knows herself would want me to help her explore toys together. "


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Miss Scarlett, I have suggested bringing toys into the bedroom in the past. My wife is just not interested. So, I guess I fall into the category of 'not jealous' of toys. I wish she would give them a try. Could be fun.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I've been actually trying to get my wife to bring some vibrators into the mix. She has problems with orgasm as well (partially because she has issues with foreplay and has no patience for it). We have a couple of vibes in the house that I bought for her, but she seems....resistant.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Hmph. I cant imagine being so non -chalant about orgasms as these women are!


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

me and the missus use vibes a lot, one we really like is the we-vibe, it is u-shaped and goes inside and out, stimulating the g-spot and clit. if your hubby is the right size and open to it he can be inside you as well. we do it like this when she pulls it out. she gets lots of stimulus and I get it as well. typically really results in a very good o for both of us. 

the wife has a hard time having orgasm in PIV, it does happen but not too often. sometimes to make sure she is happy she will put on a show for me , I will hide in the closet with the door open a crack and it is like being a peeping tom. we have done various scenarios through the years btw. for both of us. 

if we have sex and she is not able to cum not a big deal, she pulls out one of her favorites and takes care of herself, sometimes with me rubbing parts of her, or sucking on nipples. this gives her some very big o's. 

I do not feel threatened by them, I like the variety of it. embrace the sexiness.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> Hmph. I cant imagine being so non -chalant about orgasms as these women are!


I wouldn't say my wife is nonchalant about orgasms. She says as long as she has me she doesn't need anything else. She says I'm her sex toy, and I don't need batteries (that sounds great...just wish the frequency was higher). I'll take that as a compliment, but I was just looking for ways to spice things up. She also claims she does not masturbate, so she wouldn't need it for the times when I'm not there. I'd love to believe that's not true.


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## Revel (Mar 13, 2012)

The Hitachi Magic Wand works well during sex. You can control it on your clitoris while he is inside you. The last time I priced them, they could be found for $40 when purchased at mainstream (non-sexual) outlets.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

We have found the Magic Wand to be too bulky for simultaneous PIV. The Wand is reserved for my wife's solo pleasure only.


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## Work-In-Progress (May 21, 2013)

I'm definitely jealous MissScarlett. My wife has said she never has touched herself, finds it gross. I had mentioned before we got a vibrator for extra fun. Took years to actually master it. She doesn't know her own body, so she was no help in guiding me. I got no feedback whatsoever other than a little moaning or movement if I got lucky with the right spot or technique. We tried for a while with no luck until using it one night after she was pregnant and she went wild. That made it even more frustrating after she had the baby and I couldn't duplicate it. Finally after some more sessions I've got it pretty well down. She often complains that she wants an O during PIV instead of using the vibrator. I think it would be awesome to incorporate something like one of those finger vibrators during PIV that she could use on herself, but I see about a 1% chance of that happening. I actually asked her recently if she would use one and got a response like I had just asked her to eat regurgitated food.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

My wife and I are looking for a new vibe that we can use together during missionary. We want something that will give her clit stimulation while I'm on top thrusting. I read the reviews for the WeVibe 3 and many people said it doesn't stay in place during PIV sex. Therefore I don't want to waste my money on something that won't stay in place. It would be annoying for us to keep fixing it.

Any suggestions would be helpful


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I think it's Trojan that makes an o-vibe thingie - it has two tiny battery operated vibrators on a stretchy soft rubber ring that you can position just so. They are meant to be disposable but the package says it lasts for 30 minutes? For missionary just situate it at the base of your penis with one vibrate at the top and one on the bottom. If you don't like the vibe on the underside of your shaft you don't have to turn that one on. Haven't tried it but have seen them at the store.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

I am not at all threatened by a vibrator. However, in my situation I am less than thrilled to see one.

The wife and I get it on about twice a month. When we do, the usual routine is that she puts the vibrator on her spot and then I do my part. Five minutes later, she will ask me if I can shoot my load. I do and that episode is over.

Back to the topic, if it helped my wife reach orgasm faster and/or more intensely I would be all for it.


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

tyler, I am truly sorry this is how you two share your bond. it is supposed to be funner. wish I knew how to help you fix it.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

NewHubs said:


> My wife and I are looking for a new vibe that we can use together during missionary. We want something that will give her clit stimulation while I'm on top thrusting. I read the reviews for the WeVibe 3 and many people said it doesn't stay in place during PIV sex. Therefore I don't want to waste my money on something that won't stay in place. It would be annoying for us to keep fixing it.
> 
> Any suggestions would be helpful


We got the Tiani, which is Lelo's version of the WeVibe and not impressed with it for couple use. Similar experience as the reviews.

Our preference for missionary, as well as other positions is this Harmony Slim G Vibrator 7-inch - Black - DJ0915-03 - A Place For Passion one. We like the slim design, smooth finish and the angle is nice as well. Just a bit of lube and this is good to go. The price is nice too.:smthumbup:


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

lovemylife said:


> We got the Tiani, which is Lelo's version of the WeVibe and not impressed with it for couple use. Similar experience as the reviews.
> 
> Our preference for missionary, as well as other positions is this Harmony Slim G Vibrator 7-inch - Black - DJ0915-03 - A Place For Passion one. We like the slim design, smooth finish and the angle is nice as well. Just a bit of lube and this is good to go. The price is nice too.:smthumbup:


So I guess without bring too graphic how does the Slim G to stay in place during missionary?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

NewHubs said:


> So I guess without bring too graphic how does the Slim G to stay in place during missionary?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is about 7inches long so it is easy to hold one end n maneuver it to where it feels best. I usually maneuver it but in some positions my husband will maneuver it. The combo of piv and vibrations on the clit and/or labia is delightful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

So that would stay between us by itself without one if us holding it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

NewHubs said:


> So that would stay between us by itself without one if us holding it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One of us holds it between us. It works well for us.


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