# What Is Going On Here? Need Feedback, pls



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

scratchhead:
I have posting since the divorce was agreed upon. STBXH had an intimacy episode, told me it was because of me, bought motorcycle 2 days later, dyed moustache, went on bike camping trip for 2 wks in April (when this happened), 2 wks in May & leaving at end of month for another 2 wks.

Would not go to MC, met and carried on EA until he saw her in person, will no longer talk to me after signing papers (I gave him numerous opportunities to work on this- no taker) and now won't even look at me. (We live in same house until sold).

What is going on? It is as if he is the one that is hurt. But how could that be when he created this terrible mess. He has built a huge wall and there is no way I can even begin to scale it.

I am so confused. Please help


----------



## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

Sounds similar to my situation. My husband and I are planning to divorce. We are currently in the house together but are barely speaking, except when absolutely necessary. I move out next month.

Possible reasons for your husband's silence: he feels guilty, he is trying to protect himself, he feels he is protecting you by withdrawing after causing you such pain, he is detaching, he doesn't care anymore, he realized he screwed up and now doesn't know what to do.

Whatever the reason, it is very painful to live under such circumstances. Try to get away as often as you can, to relieve the stress.


----------



## avenrandom (Sep 13, 2010)

He is simply being the cold and distant person you've spoken about in your previous posts. That "wall" is built for his own protection- if he meant to or not. It feels insurmountable to you because that's the way he designed it. 

I am honestly curious Sparkles: We've heard the stories about his recent changes, but very little about your past with this man. It's a hard decision to choose divorce at his age, and there is *something* which pushed him to make that decision. Without finding the root of the problem, this wall isn't going anywhere. My suggestion would be take create a Topic on the forums, and post updates on your situation all in one thread (see: replies, not new topics). That way those that want to follow your story and attempt to help / give advice can do so is a much easier fashion.


----------



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

We worked together but there was nothing there until I asked out for lunch because I wanted advice. Never really liked him because he was distant and cold, (that is the way he is now). We found out we were both getting divorced and things went from there. I adored him and he me and we bought land and built a house that we had designed and moved in and I hated it from day one but what can you do. In any case, sex went out the window early on I wanna say 5 years ago (oh what a coincidence) when we moved into this monster house. I had alot of problems with my daughter and I would vent to him. He took personally and I told him many times it was not about him but me. Well he finally told me five days ago that is the reason. 

If that is the reason, it's a weak one. But he has this pattern from the two prior marriages it reaches certain time period and he runs away, buying a fancy something other to stroke ego I guess and that is what has happened to me.

So more than likely he no longer loves me and I am getting better about accepting this and moving on. My days are no longer filled with anguish and gut breaking heartache. The pain is there but it is very small compared to just a week ago.

What has helped me is that I have started a new life and met a lot of great women and hopefully, one day a new man.

It will be a challenge.


----------

