# My Wife is addicted to online Sexual Role Playing - help me



## Limbo_SA

Hello

As I am writing this post my world as I know it has been dealt a major blow. I recently accidentally discovered that my wife has been taking part in online BDSM forums in which she actively participates in a dominatrix / slave relationship with another man and this has left my world upside down and I don't know what to do about it

What I do know is that I have to talk to someone about it else I am going to blow up inside. I cannot talk to family or friends and am considering a psychologist because in the state of depression I am in I am worried that I might do something irrational to myself. For now though if I can just put all my thoughts into words maybe I can make some sense of it and maybe someone can help

About a year ago my wife started writing stories with other writers on a sex role forum. Although I was not 100% comfortable with this I didn't complain too much. The writing made my wife happy, she likes to write stories and she is a good writer. The fact that the stories were of a sexual nature concerned me though. It seems that since then my wife and myself have slowly grown apart. I love my wife very much but the fact that she would rather spend her time writing these stories with total men and woman strangers really hurt me. Is she not happy with me and used this to replace me

Up until I chose to play ignorant to this addiction of hers but the other day I accidentally found out more of her doings and this has really just shattered me, it is a lot worse than I had ever imagined. She doesn't know that I have found out about these things and I can't tell her cause then she will accuse me of invading her privacy. After my discovery I suppose I did invade her privacy and began to dig deeper to find out how bad it is but my world was in turmoil and I was trying to make sense of it all

Okay I am getting ahead of myself here, let me explain what I found. Basically she has moved on the BDSM forums where she now actively participates in a dominatrix / slave role with another man. I feel like she is cheating on me even though there is no physical interaction between the two per say but I am worried this is just because of the international distances between them. Some of the things this guy has my wife doing include sending him pictures of her female parts (all of them) and she seems to be all to happy to do this. They have Cybersex regularly. She has gone out to buy new clothes which she can then show him on the webcam. Everything she is doing lately is for him, she has confessed all of this in her postings. She even imagines him when we are having sex. I am distraught

If you ask me this guy is a sick pervert. His one post he admits to jacking off to the pictures my wife sent him

What am I to do. I love my wife but these actions of hers have driven a stake through my heart and I am now in Limbo. The thought has crossed my mind to confront her and demand a divorce. We have been married for almost 6 years now and have a comfortable life and I am reluctant to give all of this up. Obviously she is unhappy and with our relationship growing apart she has looked for comfort elsewhere. The ironic thing is is that the cause of what is pushing us apart (her writing on these forums)is the same thing she goes to for comfort. The more she seeks comfort in these threads the more she pushes me away

I am thinking that I need to tell her that I am uncomfortable with what she is doing and that I know she is hiding things from me and that if she wants our marriage to work she needs to come clean. I know she feels like she is cheating too, she has mentioned this is her posts to him and he keeps reassuring her there is nothing wrong. This [email protected]#%@% has nothing to loose, he is getting naked pictures of my wife to jack off to, gets to have cybersex with her and then just wreck my marriage. He doesn't care for her, for pete's sack he has similar threads with other woman. My wife can come clean and tell me everything and I will forgive her

I know the F$%#%'ers email address and I am so tempted to send him an email threatening his life, that I want to beat him to a pulp and that he needs to back off from my wife and take his sickness elsewhere. Yes my wife joined these forums and found him etc and this is something I need to deal with but this guy keeps planting seeds in her mind. I am convinced that were she to leave me, which she has indicated doing, it would be his fault

I have discussed her fascination with BDSM her, not letting on that I know she is playing it out with another man. I am even trying to enact this with her in the bedroom to fulfill her needs this way, I find it tough as it isn't natural for me but I want to make here happy so I try

The strange thing is the more and more I found out about my wife's activities in this area the more sexually aroused it makes me which is weird. I am angry and horrified that she is treating our marriage this way but at the same time I find it such a turn on. We are more sexually active now and the sex is intense so much so that I can see myself getting involved in this a lot more but with my wife with me alone and no other men. I have told her that I want to get actively involved in this with her. I just don't see hope for our marriage if she continues with this guy (these are my thoughts, I haven't told her this). Surely all these things she is doing in today's modern technological world can be deemed as cheating

I have even considered creating a persona on these forums to lure my wife and then once I have her reveal myself to her

We have recently spoken of our problems and I have mentioned partly about my concern with her writings and she her problems with me. I have agreed to work on my problems but I am just worried that she doesn't actually know the full extent of my unhappiness. I am so tempted to email her this posting just to get it all out in the open and see what happens then. I am prepared to fight for our marriage but she needs to come clean

So yes that is my dilema and I would appreciate any advice, thoughts etc. Maybe some of you have had similar experiences and have some advice. Thanks in advance


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## turnera

I would tell her parents.


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## SimplyAmorous

I have even considered creating a persona on these forums to lure my wife and then once I have her reveal myself to her DO this !! This is MY advice!


I have Zero experience with this, but I used to email a man that talked extensively about a woman who used to write him -back & forth about how she was in a happy marraige but "needed" more in the bedroom, she wanted to be treated like a Slave, even a ****, and her husband was too nice of a guy to treat her like this, though 
she craved it, so she sought out men to play these roles with her (Or only this guy, I do not know), it was the 1st time I ever heard of anything like this, I found it very intreging. 

I guess she had a high powered JOB, was always in control in real life and for her, she NEEDED to be controlled in the bedroom, but her husband could not do this, he "loved" her too much to be this for her. I doubt he knew she was emailing this guy. He used to find it very bizarre himself but he loved writing so he played this for her, in this situation, it was only words, NO webcams, just emails. He felt it kept her happy in her marraige . Strange I know. 

I feel it is very very good that YOU want to explore this WITH her and you are getting aroused by it. I Seriously feel it would be AMAZING if you made a username up, join that forum and WOoooo her away from this man, then Reveal yourself !! WOW, what a re-connection that would be !!


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## nice777guy

I would NOT try to trick her - don't start playing stupid games.

I would NOT try to scare the other man away - you can't kick his ass - he's too far away. This "fighting over her" may actually make your wife more INTO him - its forbidden fruit and giving her a lot of attention.

I would NOT go straight for divorce. It doesn't sound like that's what you want.

I WOULD talk to your wife about what you found - all of it. It most definitely IS cheating and needs to be addressed and stopped ASAP.

I think your post above would be a good script to go off of.

And if you are having fun in the bedroom and enjoy these things, maybe you guys can work through this. It doesn't sound like an issue of her having a need that you aren't willing to fullfill. 

Could it be she was embarrassed to talk to you about these things?

Even so it is still cheating and she needs to stop immediately. Good luck.


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## nice777guy

Simply - I don't think he should be trying to compete here. I think this needs to be out in the open.

However, you can still send sexy texts, e-mails - maybe join the forum but let her know its you and make sure her chatting is EXCLUSIVE to YOU.


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## SimplyAmorous

Yes, it is a very serious situation, You are right, I think I would have a talk with her and still , if she wanted, join this forum and explore with each other. 

It just reminds me of something I read in a book one time about spicing up a so -so sex life, this man always had a secret fantasy to see his wife with another man- but didn't want to go that far, so he told her he was going to hire a massuere (??) and he was going to massage her whole body , but she had to be blindfolded. She did not want this, but allowed it- because it is what he wanted. The twist was - HE was the masseur (she could not see him since she was blindfolded) -and he started massaging her, and it got really intense and passionate, to the point of her not being able to hold back and having sex with him!! She didnt know it was her husband , and he did not tell her, he felt very strange about it afterwards - WHY she gave herself to another man, he was torn, and she was feeling guilty. Eventually He revealed this game he was playing and it just really opened up their sex life to new heights.


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## Limbo_SA

I most definitely want our marriage to survive

I feel I can't confront her out right about this other man, she needs to come to me about it. I can gently try to persuade her that I love her very much and that she can share everything about her BDSM experiences with me

I feel a bit guilty about spying on her now but in all honesty it turns me on a bit plus it allows me to foresee any potential dangers to our marriage. My wife is a submissive in real life in that she can easily be woo'd into a false sense of love I feel.

She has ascertained me that she keeps this totally online and that I have nothing to fear but she always just refers to her story tellings with other men. The fact that she actively has a master / slave relationship online whereby she is doing stuff for other men is the problem.I still do feel like she is cheating on me and thus I need her to come clean with me on this

I will endeavour to get more involved in this whole side of her life and hopefully she will see that I enjoy it and love her and that she can tell me everything. I would actually like to be present when she does these things for the other man knowing that I will profit from the arousal physically later


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## nice777guy

I still say you should call her out on it. She is cheating. It may turn you on now, but what will you do if she becomes more daring, starts going out more, etc. You won't trust her.

Like I said above, I wouldn't turn this into a game. Confront her, deal with things (have her end the submissive thing), and THEN talk about what turns you both on.


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## turnera

Limbo_SA said:


> I feel I can't confront her out right about this other man, she needs to come to me about it. I can gently try to persuade her that I love her very much and that she can share everything about her BDSM experiences with me


Oh yeah...THAT'll work. Can you say doormat?


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## Limbo_SA

turnera said:


> Oh yeah...THAT'll work. Can you say doormat?


Yes I do feel like that you are right. I am trying to justify her actions in that it is not something physical but I know I am just looking for excuses

I am thinking of going to see a Psychologist or Marriage Counselor alone for now to talk my thoughts. I am worried that if I confront her I might say things that I will regret later. Yes I am hurting my I don't want to loose her, I love her. I want to discuss this with her

We have been married for almost 6 years and I can't believe that she would end it over some online sex role playing forum


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## nice777guy

This IS cheating and needs to be stopped ASAP. Confront her straight up and see if she will be honest. If she is defiant and angry and turns things back around on you for snooping, then the problem is worse than you think.

If she opens up - admits this is a problem and agrees to stop - then by all means, start having some fun with things before you almost lose her again. Get your own ID and play online - but do it together.


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## MrP.Bodybig

I didn't even read your whole post, maybe I should have I just read role play another man, personally I'd cut the *****es clit off. please forgive me for my foul language


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## laredo

If it makes you horney, just ****her more and enjoy it. She obviously has some built up sexual tension.


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## Atholk

It's turning you on because it's squarking a natural biological competitive urge to "beat the other guys sperm". She's not having actual sex with him, but your own body doesn't really known that, it's just aware of the competing male involved with her, so it's started up anyway. This is completely normal.

Don't tell her parents. That was horrible advice. That would probably cause enormous problems.

The longer you do nothing, the worse this issue will be. You must act, or you will continue to lose her to him slowly.

I believe you have to tell her that you know, that it is unacceptable to you that she is doing this, and that you are hurt, and she needs to break it off with him. This is an emotional affair.

Tell her you know she has been crossing her own boundaries into cheating, because you have read her saying exactly that in email/chat/whatever.

However I think you should also say to her that you now realize that you have obviously been lacking in supplying something she needs in your relationship, and that is something you very much want to fix. _Together._


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## turnera

Atholk said:


> Don't tell her parents. That was horrible advice. That would probably cause enormous problems.


Why? Who are the two people on this earth whose respect she needs and wants the most? Her parents. If ANYONE can get her to realize the slippery, disgusting path she is on, it is them.

If she doesn't know YOU know, talk to her before you call them, and give her a chance to stop. If she refuses, then bring her folks in.


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## Atholk

turnera said:


> Why? Who are the two people on this earth whose respect she needs and wants the most? Her parents. If ANYONE can get her to realize the slippery, disgusting path she is on, it is them.
> 
> If she doesn't know YOU know, talk to her before you call them, and give her a chance to stop. If she refuses, then bring her folks in.


Because it would mark him as scared to comfront her directly. Which is an attraction killer. Which pushes her away from him, when the goal is to bring her back to him. You absolutely have to talk to her first.

If you blow the lid off of her sexual interests to her parents, that may in and of itself become a permanent issue in the marriage, for which she may never forgive him. She is obviously being inappropriate, but this is still a deeply personal interest of hers.

If you do talk to her parents, I would think it's done in the context of divorce ultimatums, and thanking them for their love and concern over the years, and simply say "there is another man, and she is unwilling to give him up, and I'm not willing to stay with her like that". No gory details about BDSM et al. That way the parents are calling her obviously looking for information, and you keep the moral high ground and haven't betrayed her privacy in the nature of her interests.


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## nice777guy

Telling the parents sounds a bit like "tattling" to me. Confront HER about the issues in the marriage.


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## Limbo_SA

Well we had a long talk last night. I asked her about her interest etc and i a round about way she admitted to her fetish for BDSM and that she want to experiment with Master Slave with another guy online. She wouldn't admit though that she already has someone so she is still hiding stuff

I am came across a post she wrote to someone today and in it she says that although things between us are better she is knows in her heart that our marriage is over although last night she swore to me that I had nothing to worry about at that she loves me. So now I am so confused

I mentioned maybe going to see a Pshycologist / Marriage Counselor and she seemed interested so I am thinking I need to set us up an appointment

What is still worrying me is this "master" of her's who she "loves". She has never met the man and I am afraid she is in love with mystery and new experience but that the actual guy would never love her. If things are truly over between the 2 of us I wish she would just say and not tell me last night that we must work for our marriage etc

She had a very bad sexual experience when she was younger and I don't think that she has emotionally dealt with it. She has never told anyone about it but me many years after the event. I am worried that she thinks she is a bad person and that this BDSM sort of life is what she must follow

I don't want to give up on her. I think she needs help. I want to continue to show my love and try and win her back, bring her back from this dark place


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## Atholk

Dude... you actually have to confront her with what you know. You're skipping around it and letting her continue on.


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## turnera

She is lying to you to keep you from (a) stopping her or (b) leaving her. She wants to eat cake.

Atholk, ftr, I said talk to the parents IF you have already discussed it with her and gotten nowhere. Who else is she going to listen to? She obviously doesn't listen to her husband.


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## Limbo_SA

She is confused I can see this and she is confiding in the wrong person. She had a very bad sexual experience when she was younger and blames herself for this. Now she thinks she is bad and must be punished. I need to confront her. I just can't build up the courage, some man I am. I am just so scared of loosing her. I guess I think that standing by while she does this is better in that I still have her instead of confronting her and loosing her although I am sure if I don't address this now I am just in for more pain and eventual loss. I do think I need to talk to her parents though, the don't know about her bad sexual experience, she has hidden it from them. I think I need to talk to her first.

The weird part is that I was thinking of organizing a surprise night away for us tomorrow night at a hotel filled with toys and all. I will dominate her as she desires and then afterward's confront her. I have a weird feeling something like that would turn her on, she wants to be submissive. Is this a bad approach? I mean I like the domination

The option is just to discuss it with her upfront

I am going to go see a psychologist / marriage counselor tomorrow as I need to talk to someone. She thinks I think there is something wrong with her for suggesting a psychologist. I don't think there is anything wrong with her I just think her childhood sexual experience is blurring her logic

Yeah another night of not sleeping for me while I die a little more inside. I know I need to confront her but I just don't want to loose her

She has promised me that she is only exploring and she loves me but these posts of hers to him is killing me. I agree that I am a floor mat


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## turnera

I would not surprise her like that. 

The bad thing about sitting back and letting her do it to avoid losing her, is that it is an addiction. She is feeding off it; eventually, what she's getting now won't be enough; she'll seek something more dangerous. You'll lose her anyway.

PLEASE do the right thing and confront her.


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## Limbo_SA

Its sad old me again. No I haven't confronted her yer. Went to the doctor today as I am feeling ill - tempted to ask him for a cure to a broken heart

Took her wedding ring to get fixed today, one of the diamonds had come loose a while back and we have been meaning to get it fixed for ages and I felt now more than ever was the right time

Thinking of taking her to dinner once its back a re-proposing to her, think that's to dramatical?

I have been expressing my love so much later and I just get the feeling its being rejected. I don't think its too late for us, I will fight right until the end

We ordered some toys today, I am excited about them but also depressed in that I know she is getting some of them for him

Can it really just be that she has this void needing filling and she gets this from this relationship and that it will remain nothing more than just a tease but she will still remain my wife

Just the fact of another man having some much sexual control over her is eating me alive

Almost went to a Pshycologist today but then thought how do I even start to explain this one. Its kind of like a special unique type of marriage problem


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## Limbo_SA

turnera said:


> She is lying to you to keep you from (a) stopping her or (b) leaving her. She wants to eat cake.
> 
> Atholk, ftr, I said talk to the parents IF you have already discussed it with her and gotten nowhere. Who else is she going to listen to? She obviously doesn't listen to her husband.


That's cause I am chicken and haven't confronted her for fear of loosing her


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## turnera

Losing what? You have a LIAR for a wife.


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## nice777guy

She's the one who should be embarrassed and ashamed. If you bring her behavior to light, and she does anything but apologize and promise to quit - then you have larger issues than you realize.

You HAVE to address this with her directly. Don't re-propose. Don't be so nice. She is having an on-line affair and it has to stop.


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## Atholk

Limbo_SA said:


> That's cause I am chicken and haven't confronted her for fear of loosing her


That is fail, and you know it. You are loosing her already by your inaction and passive nature.

Forget "pre-proposing to her", you should take a baseball bat and just smash the **** out of the computer she uses. I'm talking just smash it to pieces and leave a little note on top that says "I read everything". It would be more effective.

What this woman wants is for you to spank her and pull her hair et al.

Married Man Sex Life: Nice Guys Finish Last


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## Limbo_SA

*Dealing and understanding my wife's involvement with an online D/s relationship*



Atholk said:


> That is fail, and you know it. You are loosing her already by your inaction and passive nature.
> 
> Forget "pre-proposing to her", you should take a baseball bat and just smash the **** out of the computer she uses. I'm talking just smash it to pieces and leave a little note on top that says "I read everything". It would be more effective.
> 
> What this woman wants is for you to spank her and pull her hair et al.
> 
> Married Man Sex Life: Nice Guys Finish Last


No doubt she enjoys the domination side but I am not going to change who I am. Yes in the bedroom I am more than willing to do this but it seems she wants it full-time and this is something I can not do

To this extent I think this is why she wont confess to having a master. By not acting I do run the risk of loosing her I know, something that scares me more than death itself. I just need to work out the right way to deal with this with her, more precisely the courage to confront her. I am at a point now where living with the pain and still having her in my life appeals to me more than confronting her and loosing her forever - warped I know

What hurts me is that she doesn't think what she is doing is wrong. Can she really think being in an online relationship with another man while married is okay. I part of me hopes that this is just a phase in her life that she is going through and that it will pass 

I have voiced my disapproval, no direct accusations, and now we will wait and see what happens. I have indicated that I love her very much and that we can get through anything together, if she wants this marriage to work she needs to take the next step

Strange, I am probably the exact opposite type of person that she is currently attracted too but I have to believe that she loves me, she married me and we have had such good times

Our distance over the last year is what drove her towards this craving attention. We have spoken about this and agreed that we need to work harder at our marriage so I have to believe she wants too


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## Limbo_SA

turnera said:


> Losing what? You have a LIAR for a wife.


Its not that cut and dry

She has found something that intrigues her that is filling a need in her that she never knew she had. At the same time she is ashamed of it and thus doesn't want to tell me about it

The sad thing is she can't have both and this is what scares me in that I think I might loose if she has to choose


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## turnera

What is a marriage if one partner hides one of the biggest secrets in the world? 

You don't HAVE her. You are SHARING her because you are basically BEGGING her - without her knowledge - to keep you.

Can you imagine yourself 5 years from now? She will be meeting these people in real life by then, if not outright living with them, like a drug addict. You will be an afterthought.

All she needs from you is for you to act like a man. To say 'you're my wife and I don't deserve this ****.' Why do you think she went looking for this stuff? Because she thinks you're a wimp and she has lost all respect for you. If you do ANYTHING but fight this, it will confirm her suspicions, and she WILL leave you.


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## Atholk

This is not a master/slave deal, it's just an EA with some kinky sex talk.


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## DameEdna

Limbo_SA

I was in exactly the same situation as your wife. I became obsessed with BDSM online. I had a perverse need of playing not only the "slave" but also the "mistress!" 

Yes.... the guys your wife chats to ARE perverts. 

But... to cut a very long story short.... I did it because I was experimenting, discovering, learning new things.... in the "safe" environment of my home. 

I was also bored, I had a low self esteem, and I was depressed. I spent A LOT of time at home alone when the kids were at school + hubby was at work.

Does your wife have enough to occupy her during the day? Now I work part time and although I still use the computer, I am no longer interested in the pervy stuff.... as I said, it was just experimenting and discovering new things. Believe me... the sexual high from something "not real" does not last!! 

I stopped because I got bored..... doing it online was not enough to satisfy me anymore..... my OWN marriage was the way to become satisfied!! 

Please dont despair..... her fantasy world has just got out of hand, just like mine did. There's only SO much you can experiment with online without testing it for real.... and I doubt if she would want to go with a complete stranger.... Not when she has such a loyal, loving and wonderful husband as you!


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## baabaablacksheep

Maybe I don't have room to talk because I'm married to an emotionally distant lazy guy who I have posted about, but anyway, here's my two cents:

#1 - You have low self esteem and you need to change that. Have you heard, "don't let somebody be your priority if you're merely their option" - this sounds like your situation. Honestly, it is like the story where two women were arguing over a baby and who it belonged to. One woman wanted the baby to be cut in half so they could both have (part of) the baby. You're like that woman - you'd rather have half of your wife than no wife at all. What's even the point? If you truly loved her, you wouldn't be able to stand the thought of sharing her.
#2 - Your wife is a liar and a cheater. You can't trust her. Marriages are built on trust and honesty.
#3 - In real life, outside of the bedroom, I don't see how anybody could be turned on by somebody who is a doormat to a cheater. 

Stand up for yourself, stop hoping she'll read your mind and tell her "I know you're f-ing around online. It's me or him. Period." 

If she chooses, him, well, it's better to be alone than with somebody who disrespects you so much.


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## Big Bear

*Re: Dealing and understanding my wife's involvement with an online D/s relationship*



Limbo_SA said:


> No doubt she enjoys the domination side *but I am not going to change who I am*. Yes in the bedroom I am more than willing to do this but it seems she wants it full-time and this is something I can not do
> 
> To this extent I think this is why she wont confess to having a master. By not acting I do run the risk of loosing her I know, something that scares me more than death itself. *I just need to work out the right way to deal with this with her,* more precisely the courage to confront her. I am at a point now where living with the pain and still having her in my life appeals to me more than confronting her and loosing her forever - warped I know
> 
> What hurts me is that she doesn't think what she is doing is wrong. Can she really think being in an online relationship with another man while married is okay. I part of me hopes that this is just a phase in her life that she is going through and that it will pass
> 
> I have voiced my disapproval, no direct accusations, and now *we will wait and see what happens*. I have indicated that I love her very much and that we can get through anything together, if she wants this marriage to work she needs to take the next step
> 
> Strange, I am probably the exact opposite type of person that she is currently attracted too but I have to believe that she loves me, she married me and we have had such good times
> 
> Our distance over the last year is what drove her towards this craving attention. We have spoken about this and agreed that we need to work harder at our marriage so I have to believe she wants too


So you want her to change who she is but you won't change who you are? What you are doing is talking to people who are in no position to help you. You have turned to complete strangers and somehow managed to rationalize not talking to her. Unfortunately for you, confronting her is the only way to make any real progress. What about her scares you so much that you can't he honest with her either?


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## mujer_rota

this thread is EXHAUSTING... I couldn't read all of it BUT. She takes comfort in BDSM chatting with this man because YOU have not been fulfilling. She needs to also seek help, not just you. IF she wants the marriage to work, that is. And YOU need to grow a pair and confront the lying B! geez... and if all she does it tell you there 'is nothing to worry about' you need to save your own life/self and get far far away from her. Nothing about this situation is healthy, and you playing dumb HOPING it will all just go away is completely ridiculous..


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## Limbo_SA

Well its been a while since I posted on here. Afraid to say my situation is still the same

I have managed though to set up an appointment with a marriage counsellor for tomorrow night. Although I am having second thoughts as to whether I should go alone for the first session or not explain my situation to the counsellor. The whole BDSM thing makes it a lot more complicated or does it. I mean take the BDSM part out of the equation and you what you have is a wife having an emotional affair with another man online

I still haven't grown the balls yet to explode. I was so close on Friday when I came across an email he sent her saying Happy Birthday with a photo of him but it was her birthday and I had planned a romantic weekend away for us so I decided to keep it bottled up. Lame I know

Sitting here today I am so enraged. She has told him that she wants to start the D/s relationship with him again but to keep it secret from me. Joy

I really don't think she loves me anymore. Don't even know why she is bothering staying with me. And I don't understand why she pretends to be so nice to me then I read what she is thinking and my heart sinks

She is seriously considering going overseas to be with him. He has told her that he will get her a house etc. Yeah right. The F#$%@# is married and he is getting joy out of messing with my wife

I need to stop my wife before it is too late. Maybe I need to get her checked into a clinic, she is definately not thinking straight

How can a person change so much that she will throw away a marriage of 6 years to chase a married man in another country

I can't go on like this, pouring my emotions into her and not getting them in return. She has told him that I am just the way for her to get physical sexual release but in fact it is he who she loves and he who she imagines when we are intimate

He has called me a Pu$$y for letting him do this and yes I am. I agree that my wife is probally disappointed in me for allowing her to continue this. She is addicted yes, no doubt

I know if we do go to the counsellor tomoroow night a lot of things are going to come out and will pretty much ruin the upcoming easter weekend. Lame of me to be thinking of the weekend when my marriage is in tatters but at the moment I cling to any happy moment I can have with her

Why don't I confront her and tell her to stop? Becuase I am worried that I am will loose her for good. yes if I don't do anything I probally will still loose her. But I love her and I don't want to be without her. The thought makes me want to die

I am hoping the counselling will help


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## qwerty

Limbo_SA said:


> Well its been a while since I posted on here. Afraid to say my situation is still the same
> 
> I still haven't grown the balls yet to explode. I was so close on Friday when I came across an email he sent her saying Happy Birthday with a photo of him but it was her birthday and I had planned a romantic weekend away for us so I decided to keep it bottled up. Lame I know


My situation is similar. And by the way, don't tell her parents. That is the worst thing you can do and will destroy any chance of reconciliation whatsoever. It will also ruin her relationship with her parents, especially if they are religious.

My wife made my buy a plane ticket, and wine and dine, a manipulative "submissive" for a week during her birthday. I guess that makes me the submissive. It was the most stressful vacation of my life. It took a few months but I told her how crappy of a time I had, and she agreed that it was not worth it.

Now she just spends 4 to 8 hours a day online trying to find one person to spank, tie up, humiliate, and dress up in girlie clothes that she runs up her credit cards to buy. It's about 3 years now of this. Does it stink? Yes! Does it affect how I feel about her? Yes! I never knew she was capable of such cruelty, even it it is cute cruelty.

There are some fringe benefits. Because she loves me deeply and appreciates that I am tolerant of her craziness, I get some "action" and free housework from her guests. Our own sex life is better too, and with the cards on the table, I told her I want to do some of her lady friends. It is in the works ...

What am I saying? I forgot. Basically, you're not alone, and it is up to you to turn it around to your advantage, live a fake marriage and become an alcoholic, or burn the bridges. What is the cost and benefit of each? You have to figure it out.
Make sure your therapist is a good one, not just some moralist.


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## MadysonBelindaRobertson

You tell her parents.


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## electronic

Seems as though Im not the only one here, which makes me feel a bit less "weird". Im in the same situation as you are Limbo_SA. I found out about my wife and her BDSM affairs a little while ago. Even tho i consider myself pretty good with computers, I totally missed it. Big Mistake! There was an old saying that said: Trust but check and make sure, and I didnt follow it. She is really good at it, she doesnt have a history, either of her visited websites or chat log and she's been doing it for at least 2 years ago, maybe longer.

We have been together for 5 years and 2 years married. We had a long distance relationship for a long time, but we are together every day for a year now, which i thought would make any inlove woman happy and satisfied. But apparently I was wrong.

First time I read though it I was terrified, half of the things she was saying I had no idea what it means. As you did, I didnt say anything to her yet, and as you are, Im monitoring her activities (she doesnt clean the cache). Its like in real life she is this loving, kind amazing person, but when i read her online chats I couldnt believe it, totally changed into this person I never knew, into some real wild stuff, some of which i find sick. 

As anyone in our position I guess, i feel lost. Not very depressed, since Im usually very independent and outgoing, but its like everything i thought i knew and trusted for 5 years are gone. I am still not sure if she has cheated on me in reality, but since I was away for quiet some time, I feel it can be an option. 

I wanted to confront her straight away and I would do it now with pleasure, but my situation is tricky and I need more time. I feel stupid at times because there were so many signs that I see now that I should have noticed, but I guess as many say, love blindfolds you, which brings us back to this BDSM stuff, damn it....

Usually I have a very cool head, but I cant think clear right now, so I'm asking of you, people of the internet that i never seen in my life, to advise me of how should I proceed. Thank you


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## anonomousone

Yes I agree with everyone that this is def cheating, but you also said that you were some what turned on. Why not use this to spice up the bedroom life for you. Maybe you should confront her and let her know that you know what she has been doing and then tell her that it's time for her punishment. Don't push just see how she reacts. If she likes the idea and likes be spanked you could put her over your knee and lightly spank and give her little orders to do. Flip the table on this guy. Maybe roleplaying is something ur wife is really into but afraid to tell you. I hope this helps u.


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## Michael610

So what happened, Limbo? It's months since you posted.


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## SoftVoiceBigStick

Limbo SA: seek counseling from a professional immediately. Establish the boundaries you feel you need in your relationship with your wife. Stand up for yourself and your relationship. Your wife may be seeking out a dominant man because you are not. You do not have to be loud to be dominant, but you do have to make decisions, stand your ground and give your wife the reasons she needs to respect you above any other man. My husband is addicted to pornography of all sorts and it is ruining our marriage. He has personality disorders which this addiction feeds into. I know the pain you are feeling and the confusion.


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## amanda1959

she has gone to "the other side" as I call it....sexual addiction,porn all that stuff. I would confront her on it and get to therapy. If she continues leave...this sounds like an addiction and it has to do with power and control as much as sex


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## amanda1959

she has gone to "the other side" as I call it....sexual addiction,porn all that stuff. I would confront her on it and get to therapy. If she continues leave...this sounds like an addiction and it has to do with power and control as much as sex


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