# Wife wants to swing



## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

A little background info. I am 50 and my wife is in her early 30s. I was previously married for 13 yrs that resulted in 2 kids. My current wife was in a long term relationship prior that resulted in one child, but she never married. When we first got together, things were great. We had sex often, partied, drank like crazy, etc. I was about 2 years out of a very repressive marriage with little and very vanilla sex, she didnt drink nor go out much. I thought it was great being with my current wife....polar opposites of my ex. My new woman was super fun to be around.

We got married after 2 years dating and have now been married for about 3 years. Before we got married I told her I had issues with ED at times and she went with me to the doctor to get some Viagra....it wasn't a fix all, but helped. She understood and loved me anyway. We got married and quickly had two kids.

She now says that my ED makes her self conscious because she thinks I don't get hard all the time without masturbating at times or have to take a pill. She thinks it's a reflection of my attraction to her, which it isn't. Ive tried to explain to her, but she doesn't understand. It keeps coming up every so often. She always inevitably says that she's younger and deserves someone that satisfies her sexual appetite and can get it up with no problem. This makes me feel super inadequate. 

This weekend, she broached the subject of a threesome with another woman. Hesitantly I agreed. She said she's been looking around on various websites and it's hard to find just a woman for a threesome. She said she thinks we should swap with another couple instead, which I was uncomfortable with. She then sprung on me that she wants to find a couple where she has sex with another man on an ongoing and regular basis....and me with another woman.

Her proposal of a one time experience morphed into a full on swinging lifestyle. She said she didn't get enough sex from me, so she wants another guy to play with. I'm pretty sure the marriage wouldn't withstand this. We're both jealous people and I know I'm not at a point I'd be comfortable with my wife having sex with another man. I don't think she'd be cool seeing me with someone else either, but I don't know. Intriguing thinking about it, but I don't think it would solve the problem....too many emotions involved it that.

When I said I didn't think I'm comfy with the swapping and regular swinging lifestyle, she got mad and brought up my ED, my age, and all sorts of stuff to make me feel bad. I tried to suggest things to help us have more and better sex, but she won't talk about it. It was like, if I don't want to swing then drop the subject and we won't talk about sex anymore.

To add a little to her background and our relationship.....i found out she was still talking to her child's father when we were first going out. They actually got engaged after about 7 months into her relationship with me and actually moved in with him when she was in another part of the state for school for a couple months. 

She worked as a stripper prior to our relationship and a couple months during without my knowledge....she also worked as an escort throughout our dating years...also without my knowledge....she swears she never had sex with the guys! During this time, she visited sex clubs, went to sex parties and was constantly partying without me during the times we weren't together. She'd get drunk and often meet guys in clubs, wind up texting them, etc....but again said she never had sex with them. I probably should have known some of this stuff was going on, but loved her and took her at her word that she was monogamous sexually with me and she loved me. All this stuff during our relationship has come out slowly over time...mainly over the past year or two.

She's shared about cheating on her child's father before and I'm a little worried that she'll cheat on me again. She said now that's she's married, she won't cheat....that was prior to marriage.

The swinging stuff given what I've said seems like too much. Your thoughts? How do we get on track to a healthy relationship?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Need_advice123 said:


> The swinging stuff given what I've said seems like too much. Your thoughts? *How do we get on track to a healthy relationship?*


By ditching the sleazy wife and getting a more caring and decent one. You had a good run, but she was never marriage material. Your little head took over when you met this one. Time to think with the other head man.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Need_advice123 said:


> A little background info. I am 50 and my wife is in her early 30s. I was previously married for 13 yrs that resulted in 2 kids. My current wife was in a long term relationship prior that resulted in one child, but she never married. When we first got together, things were great. We had sex often, partied, drank like crazy, etc. I was about 2 years out of a very repressive marriage with little and very vanilla sex, she didnt drink nor go out much. I thought it was great being with my current wife....polar opposites of my ex. My new woman was super fun to be around.
> 
> We got married after 2 years dating and have now been married for about 3 years. Before we got married I told her I had issues with ED at times and she went with me to the doctor to get some Viagra....it wasn't a fix all, but helped. She understood and loved me anyway. We got married and quickly had two kids.
> 
> ...


Not sure you can get back on track to something you never had in the first place.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

So you recently married a former sex worker who now wants to swing and you are not into the idea? So dump her and move on.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

This is not the relationship you are looking for...


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

I guess I should clarify. I don't think even the sex worker thing is my main issue....it was the lies throughout the relationship. And I do think we love each other. Can I trust her to not cheat? Will letting her have sex with others be the answer? If we were to start, could I trust her to be honest to me and not go behind my back with others?

I want to make the marriage work....i love her. We've had good times and bad....but I just want a wife I can trust and a monogamous relationship I think. Not sure I can handle any swapping or introducing others. We've got small kids and a family. Will she ever be happy with just me? Crazy situation I know....but I truly love her and believe she loves me.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

At least you have your wits about you enough to realize that this relationship would not withstand swinging. Your wife feels you can't get it up for her, so her solution is to have you get it up for another woman?? And if you can...what does the wife think about your feelings for her then? NOPE. She is trying to sell you on the idea of her having an affair.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Do you like demotions in the work place? Why do you want a demotion in your marriage? If your boss tells you that you are going to get demoted from manager to clerk, would you agree with that or would you start looking elsewhere?

I bet you would start looking elsewhere. Same difference here. Find your backbone man and leave her to do whatever she wants with her life. She is going to do exactly that anyway. You will at least have a chance to find a better match for the age bracket you are heading into. You picked wrong dude. Now you will have to pay her child support for the two kids you two had and you will only see you kids part of the time. That is what happens when we don't think with the right head. Eventually "the dirty deed" comes out in the wash. If she swings, you can file for sole custody of the kids if you don't want them exposed to that life style. Time to think about the innocents you brought into this world as well dude. 

What a royal mess indeed!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Your naturally non-monogamous wife has told you that you don't sexually satisfy her and that she wants to open the marriage. Might as well agree because if she isn't cheating now, she eventually will. At least this way, it's not behind your back.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Need_advice123 said:


> I guess I should clarify. I don't think even the sex worker thing is my main issue...*.it was the lies throughout the relationship. And I do think we love each other.* Can I trust her to not cheat? Will letting her have sex with others be the answer? If we were to start, could I trust her to be honest to me and not go behind my back with others?
> 
> I want to make the marriage work....i love her. We've had good times and bad....but I just want a wife I can trust and a monogamous relationship I think. Not sure I can handle any swapping or introducing others. We've got small kids and a family. Will she ever be happy with just me? Crazy situation I know....but I truly love her and believe she loves me.


Now why doesn't the bold part surprise me. You are still picking wrong dude! You are still thinking with the wrong head. Wake up! She never loved you. She is incapable. You have small kids; think about them now. Ditch her! She was never marriage material, she most certainly ain't momma material either. You would think that at 50 you would be able to distinguish an easy lay from a faithful wife, but sadly maturity doesn't always come with our age. You are going to learn the hard way buddy. It's your life, your choices and your consequences as well. She will cheat again. If you dig deep enough, you will see that she has already stepped out of the marriage. A piece of paper (marriage license) doesn't stop a cheater from cheating. She cheated on the first father of her child, she will cheat on the second, third and even fourth if she keeps bringing children into this world. 

This was a train wreck from the get go. Big difference now is that you brought two innocent children into the ride as well...sigh!


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Man you got duped. She married you and had a kid for the future child support payments. 

This situation seems like you either become a cuckold, or get a divorce. There doesn't seem to be much grey area. She doesn't appear to be the type to suffer silently without the type of wild sex she's looking for. So let her get it with your knowledge, or let her go. She's likely going to leave you anyway once she falls for another guy. She already has you for child support for the next 20+ years.

Painful situation, sorry man.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Need_advice123 said:


> And I do think we love each other. Can I trust her to not cheat? Will letting her have sex with others be the answer? If we were to start, could I trust her to be honest to me and not go behind my back with others?
> 
> I want to make the marriage work....i love her. We've had good times and bad....but I just want a wife I can trust and a monogamous relationship I think. Not sure I can handle any swapping or introducing others. We've got small kids and a family. Will she ever be happy with just me? Crazy situation I know....but I truly love her and believe she loves me.


She doesn't love anyone. Don't take it personally as she never will love anyone. She will cheat. Probably is now. DNA the kids, STD test yourself.

I am familiar with women like this.

Bail.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

*Wife wants to swing*

Well simply let her or get out of her way dude. Let her swing with all the monkeys in the jungle. Do you really think you can stop her? Accept or bail. No other options available here. And for the future of your monetary well being, don't make anymore babies dude! You will end bankrupt and unable to retire ever!


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

You're old enough to be her dad, what did you expect?


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

My thoughts would likely go instantly to divorce if my wife ever SERIOUSLY broached the topic of swinging with me, so Ive got nothing for ya man.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

SHE SET YOU UP......you get that... right...divorce and find someone your own age. Its that or she swings you miss and you are left in the old...a cuckold husband.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Her resolve was firm.
Her marital vows were firm.
Until your penis was no longer firm.

She is starting to feel the 35 year itch.

She is in her early thirties. I count at least 15, maybe 20 years before this urge, this itch lessens.
Then she will settle down.

Ah, but one thing. By then, you will be 65 going on 70 years old, and your' condition will only get softer, and more often.

Short of imprisoning her, she will break free of you, irregardless.

I think you will lose control of her very rapidly.
She is very open and not very supportive of your' condition.

I understand her position, but she went about this the wrong way.
She should have told you that she wants a divorce, that you two are no longer compatible.
She should never have been told you details, in such a tactless, graphic, hurtful way.

Oh, her leaking out these details about her former life is being done to drive you away.

I would divorce her now, before she goes off the deep end.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Need_advice123 said:


> I guess I should clarify. I don't think even the sex worker thing is my main issue....it was the lies throughout the relationship. And I do think we love each other. *Can I trust her to not cheat? *Will letting her have sex with others be the answer? If we were to start, could I trust her to be honest to me and not go behind my back with others?
> 
> I want to make the marriage work....i love her. We've had good times and bad....but I just want a wife I can trust and a monogamous relationship I think. Not sure I can handle any swapping or introducing others. We've got small kids and a family. Will she ever be happy with just me? Crazy situation I know....but I truly love her and believe she loves me.


It's painfully obvious that cannot trust her not to cheat. How do I know? She's already cheated on you during your relationship. Multiple times. With multiple men. She cheated on her ex. She's cheated on you, with him and with others. It's really pretty clear you cannot trust her. Because she's already broken that trust on any number of occasions.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Lostinthought61 said:


> SHE SET YOU UP......you get that... right...divorce and find someone your own age. Its that or she swings you miss and you are left in the old...a cuckold husband.


She sure did. She didn't only make him one child, she made him two! Let the child support start rolling while she rolls in the sack with other men. How more naive can you be OP? Live and learn from this series of unfortunate and stupid mistakes!


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

The Red Pill can be a vile place, but it's not without its wisdom. This OP needs a dose of the Red Pill before he marries and procreates again.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

How much time do you spend together? At least 15 hours a week alone quality time? Do you carry your fair share of responsibilities around the house? How are you with the kids?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I will have to admit here....we men are completely stupid at times.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

marriageontherocks2 said:


> The Red Pill can be a vile place, but it's not without its wisdom. This OP needs a dose of the Red Pill before he marries and procreates again.


What do you mean? This guy did exactly what the Red Pill advocates....trade in your boring, vanilla sex only old hag of a wife for a younger, hotter model. Where he messed up was not getting a vasectomy to prevent any additional babies. That's all on him. 
-------------------------------------------
OP, seriously, what were you thinking marrying this woman? 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Lila said:


> What do you mean? This guy did exactly what the Red Pill advocates....trade in your boring, vanilla sex only old hag of a wife for a younger, hotter model. Where he messed up was not getting a vasectomy to prevent any additional babies. That's all on him.
> -------------------------------------------
> OP, seriously, what were you thinking marrying this woman?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


Yeah you don't marry a sex worker 20 years your junior and have 2 children with them! That's like TRP or MGTOW 101, maybe as they say "pump and pump" (and for the record I've never been into casual sex so that's not my belief). Anyone educated in the most basic tenants of these 2 philosophies would've seen this disaster a mile away. Again I think most of what comes out of there is misogynistic and toxic, and it's mostly dudes recently done wrong venting and finding comfort in like minded men's pain, but it's not completely without its wisdom either.

A guy like the OP could use a little reading up on some of their literature, would've saved him a lot of heartache and money. For a 50 year old man he's very naive.


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

I hear you guys. I'm not willing to call it quits now, however. I love her and the kids. We still have fun and enjoy each other. She's a good person. It's just this sex thing at this point....makes me feel inadequate as a man. But....i don't think that's her intention. In her eyes, she's just expressing her opinion. She says it hurts her self-esteem. 

I understand the age difference, but she always says she likes older guys and that's not an issue for her. Not that she was being truthful to me, but that's what she always says.

So....i guess....barring divorce, what are our other options?


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Need_advice123 said:


> So....i guess....barring divorce, what are our other options?


Get used to the taste of another dudes spunk in your wife appears to be the only other choice.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Bibi1031 said:


> By ditching the sleazy wife and getting a more caring and decent one. You had a good run, but she was never marriage material. Your little head took over when you met this one. Time to think with the other head man.


This. 100%

Don't marry wh0res. Ex wh0res might be ok but yours was a full fledged slvt bomb 💣 from start to finish.

She has seen more penis than a public urinal and doesn't show signs of stopping.

Really sorry you got sucked into it with her.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> How much time do you spend together? At least 15 hours a week alone quality time? Do you carry your fair share of responsibilities around the house? How are you with the kids?


My sarcasm meter is going off here when it should right Samy?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

marriageontherocks2 said:


> Get used to the taste of another dudes spunk in your wife appears to be the only other choice.


OMG, spit out my water! lol

Seriouslly, OP... You have made a lot of bad decisions. The worst decision was to bring children into this. Young kids at 50 years old!?! Jeezus, my kids will be 20 years old when I hit 50. I divorced when they were 4/5 years old. But thanks for making my problems look like nothing. 

You need to find your balls and stand up to your wife. Tell her you won't share her and she can go be single if that's the life she wants. But I would bet my next pay check (over $4k) that she's already banging other dudes, you just refuse to believe it or investigate it. 

Why did _she _marry you? Did you support her party lifestyle, buy her clothes, drugs, and cars? With ED, what exactly were you offering her?

I'm sorry you're here. You sound like a good man. Time to get angry over the lies and her trying to have an open marriage. She is seeing you as weak right now because you hold her up on a pedestal and are afraid to lose your trophy wife. She smells that and will use it to her advantage to use you even more.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I can't even.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Need_advice123 said:


> I hear you guys. I'm not willing to call it quits now, however. I love her and the kids. We still have fun and enjoy each other. She's a good person. It's just this sex thing at this point....makes me feel inadequate as a man. But....i don't think that's her intention. In her eyes, she's just expressing her opinion. She says it hurts her self-esteem.
> 
> I understand the age difference, but she always says she likes older guys and that's not an issue for her. Not that she was being truthful to me, but that's what she always says.
> 
> *So....i guess....barring divorce, what are our other options?*


 She bangs and you watch? Also, you will be a very good baby sitter that doesn't charge a cent to care for the kids at home while she has monkey sex in the ***** jungles she likes to play at. What a glamorous life you have built for yourself dude! May the force of the visuals be with you as you step into the dark side.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Need_advice123 said:


> I hear you guys. I'm not willing to call it quits now, however. I love her and the kids. We still have fun and enjoy each other. She's a good person. It's just this sex thing at this point....makes me feel inadequate as a man. But....i don't think that's her intention. In her eyes, she's just expressing her opinion. She says it hurts her self-esteem.
> 
> *I understand the age difference, but she always says she likes older guys and that's not an issue for her.* Not that she was being truthful to me, but that's what she always says.
> 
> So....i guess....barring divorce, what are our other options?


Well of course it isn't. In her neck of the woods "Sugar Daddies" are always welcome with open legs...sheesh!

Now seriously dude, why did you have kids with this woman? I know you weren't thinking straight, you still aren't, but come on. You are 50! You have lived in this world that whole time right? How can you be soooo naive? It's mind boggling indeed.


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

I appreciate the sarcasm and calls of how stupid I am and how naive I am. Got it! I understand and it's probably well deserved. 

I guess I'm looking for some more practical advice though. There's a 5 year relationship here and two kids. I understand my stupidity....but hoping there was some advice to save the marriage and make things better.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Middle of Everything said:


> My sarcasm meter is going off here when it should right Samy?


What on earth would give you that idea?

My next suggestion was going to be that maybe he should try vacuuming the everloving hell out of the floors and just launder the clothes like an effing boss.


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Need_advice123 said:


> I appreciate the sarcasm and calls of how stupid I am and how naive I am. Got it! I understand and it's probably well deserved.
> 
> I guess I'm looking for some more practical advice though. There's a 5 year relationship here and two kids. I understand my stupidity....but hoping there was some advice to save the marriage and make things better.


You're being an extremely good sport for the drubbing you're taking here.

I think the best advice you got was when someone said you lay an ultimatum down "I'm not sharing my wife with another man, if you want that do it as a single woman". Either you call her bluff and she fears losing you and works on the marriage, or she walks out the door.

Or you get into the cuckolding fetish.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

we are swingers and I can tell you that if you two do this you WILL cause more harm than good. swinging only works when both partners are fully invested in it and neither is doing for the others sake. 

My opinion is she suckered you, and now the only way you can keep her is if you allow her to continue(yes she is/was screwing around) to have other lovers on the side. Only you can say for sure if you can live with this. 

BTW, if you do split I highly recommend having DNA tests done on the kids. because I guarantee you the odds are good one/both don't belong to you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

marriageontherocks2 said:


> Yeah you don't marry a sex worker 20 years your junior and have 2 children with them! That's like TRP or MGTOW 101, maybe as they say "pump and pump" (and for the record I've never been into casual sex so that's not my belief). Anyone educated in the most basic tenants of these 2 philosophies would've seen this disaster a mile away. Again I think most of what comes out of there is misogynistic and toxic, and it's mostly dudes recently done wrong venting and finding comfort in like minded men's pain, but it's not completely without its wisdom either.
> 
> A guy like the OP could use a little reading up on some of their literature, would've saved him a lot of heartache and money. For a 50 year old man he's very naive.


It does not take reading hate group material to learn that marrying a sex worker is a bad idea. I learned that very young just growing up in a normal house hold.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Need_advice123 said:


> I appreciate the sarcasm and calls of how stupid I am and how naive I am. Got it! I understand and it's probably well deserved.
> 
> I guess I'm looking for some more practical advice though. There's a 5 year relationship here and two kids. I understand my stupidity....but hoping there was some advice to save the marriage and make things better.


OP, I proposed an open relationship to my ex when I had lost desire for him. I did it not because I wanted to fix the problem but because I wanted an excuse to cheat. My ex went ahead with it because he naively believed it would be a good solution. Things went downhill reallllllll quick after that. There was a big age gap between us too.

Understand that swinging will not help because it will not address the underlying problem. It's just going to introduce a multitude of problems on top of what you're dealing with. It's not clear whether your wife is honestly having major self esteem issues as a result of your ED problem or she's losing her respect/desire/love for you and cannot admit that. I honestly feel it's the latter. My proposition to my ex was based solely on selfishness. I think this is the case with your wife. If she was really interested in solving this problem she would not propose introducing another man into your bed as that will only serve to emasculate you further.

This is a perfect opportunity for you assert yourself as the protector in your relationship. Stop *****footing, you have a marriage and children to protect! You marriage is going to be a model to your children of what a healthy relationship looks like. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because of your ED, it is enabling your wife's descent into victimhood and entitlement. She knew about your ED before you tied the knot, she can't just throw her hands up now with this bs. 

So let her know in no uncertain terms that you absolutely refuse to share your wife with another man or woman. And you will not be sticking around if she cheats (because that's where it's going to go next). You need to be angry or at the very least forceful and self-assured when you're communicating this. Trust that she is judging your every move. Every thing you do or say from here on will be placed in either the 'he's weak and I'm losing respect for him because I need a strong man' or the 'damn he got some balls, he put me in my place and I won't admit it but I like it' boxes.

Also note OP, that you come across as a nice guy from your posts. You neeeeeed to address your nice guy tendencies and learn to snip your wife's BS in the bud as soon as it escapes her lips. I'd suggest reading No More Mr. Nice Guy and Married Man Sex Life Primer to get you understanding that you need to seriously work on being more assertive with your wife.


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

Thanks for the advice. I'm not a stupid guy.....masters degree, professional job, etc. I've always been a practical thinker. 

I guess I was lonely, she filled a void in my life, and I fell in love with her. Once I was thinking with my heart....and yes.....probably a little with the little head too, I made some bad choices and put the blinders on some of the stuff she was doing. But....we do love each other....at least I love her....still....through everything.

I just want to make sure we don't revert back to the lies and sneaking around there was before the marriage. And want a loving respectful marriage in the future.

I've laid the divorce thing out there if she's not happy with me. Maybe I need to be more forceful with it however. She hasn't left yet and says she loves me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lostinthought61 said:


> SHE SET YOU UP......you get that... right...divorce and find someone your own age. Its that or she swings you miss and you are left in the old...a cuckold husband.


Actually, he would be a wittol rather than a cuckold.

However, neither seem particularly good, healthy options.

But some people might have a different point of view. Horses for courses, as they say.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Need_advice123 said:


> I appreciate the sarcasm and calls of how stupid I am and how naive I am. Got it! I understand and it's probably well deserved.
> 
> I guess I'm looking for some more practical advice though. There's a 5 year relationship here and two kids. I understand my stupidity....but hoping there was some advice to save the marriage and make things better.


Get the best lawyer you can afford.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> It does not take reading hate group material to learn that marrying a sex worker is a bad idea. I learned that very young just growing up in a normal house hold.


In my younger days I proposed marriage to a woman who was working as a prostitute. Sorry! How dare I! She was a call girl! 

She turned me down very gently and eventually dropped me for a woman.

Would our marriage have lasted? Well, thinking about it now, maybe not.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Need_advice123 said:


> Thanks for the advice. I'm not a stupid guy.....masters degree, professional job, etc. I've always been a practical thinker.
> 
> I guess I was lonely, she filled a void in my life, and I fell in love with her. Once I was thinking with my heart....and yes.....probably a little with the little head too, I made some bad choices and put the blinders on some of the stuff she was doing. But....we do love each other....at least I love her....still....through everything.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry you are going thru this. You could try to lay down some strict
boundaries with your wife. I doubt it will work. 

The open marriage is just a setup for her to get another man.

I doubt anything you do will work.

Protect your assets because i expect you are in for one hell of a roller coaster ride.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> In my younger days I proposed marriage to a woman who was working as a prostitute. Sorry! How dare I! She was a call girl!
> 
> She turned me down very gently and eventually dropped me for a woman.
> 
> Would our marriage have lasted? Well, thinking about it now, maybe not.


We have all done things that were not so wise in our pasts. You were probably very lucky that she turned you down. :wink2:


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Need_advice123 said:


> I appreciate the sarcasm and calls of how stupid I am and how naive I am. Got it! I understand and it's probably well deserved.
> 
> I guess I'm looking for some more practical advice though. There's a 5 year relationship here and two kids. I understand my stupidity....but hoping there was some advice to save the marriage and make things better.


When you marry a prostitute maybe swinging is the best you can expect from your marriage?


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Let her go. 
She is months away from cheating on you


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Might as well try the threesome with her and another woman.

Eat a bunch of viagra and bang ,eat watch them and repeat until you cry uncle.

Then the next day say I feel so horrible about what we did if you got your heart set on this life style then we should just divorce,

I'll talk to my lawyer and have some papers drawn up .



At least you will end it with a bang!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Need_advice123 said:


> Thanks for the advice. I'm not a stupid guy.....masters degree, professional job, etc. I've always been a practical thinker.
> 
> I guess I was lonely, she filled a void in my life, and I fell in love with her. Once I was thinking with my heart....and yes.....probably a little with the little head too, I made some bad choices and put the blinders on some of the stuff she was doing. But....we do love each other....at least I love her....still....through everything.
> 
> ...


You married a stripper/prostitute and hung in there for 5 years? I think that's a pretty lengthy run with one of those, to be honest.
"we" won't revert, because most likely SHE never stopped. Even if she did, do you really think you could take care of the sexual needs of a woman like her forever, regardless of the astounding fact that your are 20 years older than her????

What can you possibly be thinking? Of course you have a master's degree and professional job. Of course you are a successful person? She is of course going to rape you in the divorce and you'll be paying outrageous child support while she lets you babysit your children while she goes to orgies.

She SAYS she still loves you, but wants to have sex with other men. You say you're a smart guy.... See how you handle the cognitive dissonance on that...

It's not all about sex for her. IT's about the fact that she no longer wants sex with YOU. It's not your fault. Surely you realize this kind of woman would've gotten bored with any man after a while. I really think you did pretty damn good for her to take 5 years to do this.

Might as well see a lawyer and find out how badly you're getting screwed in the divorce. IT's going to happen whether you want it or not, most likely. I do think she'll probably wait a while to divorce you so you will be a better babysitter while she's out at night. Not trying to sound like a jerk, either. I think this is what she'll do.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

I've always believed that a spontaneous request for swinging is a precursor to (or a blatant revelation of) cheating. Unless she has dabbled in swinging before you, or mentioned it to you before marriage, it's a red flag. 

Are you tech savvy? Can you follow up on her text/call log and social media activity? I have a sneaking suspicion that you will come across plenty of motive for divorce. 

I know that you love her and want to think the best, but it's best for you to get your legal ducks in a row. If you refuse her offer to swing, she will very soon be doing it behind your back (if she isn't already).


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Need_advice123 said:


> She now says that my ED makes her self conscious because she thinks I don't get hard all the time without masturbating at times or have to take a pill. She thinks it's a reflection of my attraction to her, which it isn't. Ive tried to explain to her, but she doesn't understand. It keeps coming up every so often. She always inevitably says that she's younger and deserves someone that satisfies her sexual appetite and can get it up with no problem. This makes me feel super inadequate.
> 
> This weekend, she broached the subject of a threesome with another woman. Hesitantly I agreed. She said she's been looking around on various websites and it's hard to find just a woman for a threesome. She said she thinks we should swap with another couple instead, which I was uncomfortable with. She then sprung on me that she wants to find a couple where she has sex with another man on an ongoing and regular basis....and me with another woman.


I'm sorry, but no, the ED is just a red herring, used as an excuse to justify her desire to swing with other men. I'm afraid that you're in for a rough ride.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Not sure you can get back on track to something you never had in the first place.


Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes "You can't go back to what never was".


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Bibi1031 said:


> By ditching the sleazy wife and getting a more caring and decent one. You had a good run, but she was never marriage material. Your little head took over when you met this one. Time to think with the other head man.


The problem is that he'll be paying dearly for these decisions for almost the rest of his life. There's no way to really ditch her and the problems associated with her.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
In order to answer your question then we must know what you can live with. Understand that there is an overwhelming probability that your W cannot be satisfied with you alone. Think of a food connoisseur who has sampled a multitude of cuisines from all over the world that now suddenly finds themselves eating porridge everyday. They will, in short order, long for the taste of the foods they enjoy. So the ultimate question becomes can you accept that your W desires more than you can provide? You have indicated that you do not feel that you can "share" her with other men so what alternatives are left?

You could turn a blind eye and if she is covert enough you may not even know that she is cheating. You could explore with her the possibilities of "sharing" her and express how it would make you feel and then attempt to modify those feelings to allow her to "love" you in her own way. Both of these scenarios carry significant risk and should be entered into carefully. Emotional attachment and STDs are very real possibilities. You could also explore the reasons that she feels that you find her unattractive and see if there is sufficient room for explanation thereby enforcing your stance on a monogamous marriage. In the end, however, the reality is that a monogamous marriage to her will be nearly impossible, a fact that you should thoroughly consider. I wish you good fortune.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> We have all done things that were not so wise in our pasts. You were probably very lucky that she turned you down. :wink2:


She was six years older than me (22 v 28) and had three children.

35 years later, if I think of her, I actually still have some 'loving' feelings for her.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Divorce her.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> She was six years older than me (22 v 28) and had three children.
> 
> 35 years later, if I think of her, I actually still have some 'loving' feelings for her.


World class bone flute player or something?


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

My friend, your wife was most certainly having sex with other men while an escort, and with her ex as well. This is a lifestyle she is accustomed to. If you honestly don't want to swing, please don't cling to this relationship. Seriously, do you want some other guy to be banging your wife while you pop a few viagra to try to satisfy his wife? Does that seem like a good solution to you?

My best advice is this. Dump her. And find an age appropriate woman who will appreciate you for the man you are. There is somebody out there who will value you for who you are. But that's the conundrum. Are you so fixated on having a hot, young wife that you will sacrifice your pride to keep her?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Need_advice123 said:


> Thanks for the advice. I'm not a stupid guy.....masters degree, professional job, etc. I've always been a practical thinker.
> 
> I guess I was lonely, she filled a void in my life, and I fell in love with her. Once I was thinking with my heart....and yes.....probably a little with the little head too, I made some bad choices and put the blinders on some of the stuff she was doing. But....we do love each other....at least I love her....still....through everything.
> 
> ...


Look your not the first guy nor will you be the last guy this happens too....and hey i have 2 masters and i don't think with the right head...so your in it and i get it....you noted that things happened before marriage was there cheating that happen before marriage? did you have her sign a pre-nup?

BTW if you divorce now the most you will pay is alimony for 5 years if that and child support 

lastly let me leave you with some math that someone once told me.....30 goes into 50 a lot more then 50 into 30.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I cannot believe you could possibly believe anything that woman you married has told you about NOT having sex with men while prostituting herself as an escort. I would be certain she did, and she had sex with the baby daddy as much as she possibly could, too.

You are just money to her. Just convenient money.

Why you can't see that is beyond belief.

The only reason she has bothered to bring up swinging is because she is tired of bothering to hide her cheating from you. She wants to continue her same lifestyle of having sex with many men whenever and however she wants and flaunt it instead of pretending to hide it.

Well, I guess the small brain rules. You can stand in line for your turn.


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

So...maybe this helps answer some questions. Not that it will change your opinions. 

When we met, she was finishing up her degree. She said she was doing the stripping and escorting for the money...she said she was kind of desperate financially. The hours and money tempted her. According to her, it wasn't about the sex.

Did she cheat b4 marriage? No doubt! I'm not that blind. Although she denies it like crazy. Has she cheated since marriage and kids? I don't know, but I haven't seen evidence of it. In fact, she gave up her party buddies and has never been out with them again since we've been married. 

Am I a sugar daddy to her? Since graduating, she works full time and makes comparable money to me....so she contributes as much as I do to the marriage financially as I do. 

With that being said, it is confusing. I'm not a sugar daddy to her, she gave up partying, etc. I do agree that she is looking for an excuse to cheat and get back into the lifestyle. Have sex with other guys, etc. I think sometimes she feels the grass is always greener. I don't think it'll make her happy however.

If she left me, things would be good with another guy for a year or two.....then she'd be back in the same rut she's in with me. And the guy b4 me, and b4 him, etc.

I'd rather we be happy together. We have a lot invested in this relationship and marriage.


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

I'm not being hard headed. The marriage and kids and her just mean a lot to me. I dont want to throw in the towel and just say f**k it


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Need_advice123 said:


> I'm not being hard headed. The marriage and kids and her just mean a lot to me. I dont want to throw in the towel and just say f**k it


I get that...but let's be honest she doesn't have a great track record....i know you love her, I know you would like to keep the family together, what man wouldn't but you with that comes a sense of trust and i don't see it with her....again i go back to your previous post....as validation to my statement. Talk to me about your ED, 50 is young to be in that situation...what health issues do you have?

Sorry one last question have you DNA your children? i don't mean to piss you off but given the latest info on her.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

Need_advice123 said:


> I'd rather we be happy together. We have a lot invested in this relationship and marriage.


If you can be happy while watching some dude with a perpetually hard **** bang your wife's lights out, more power to you. Otherwise, she's not into monogamy. 

And I'm kinky, so I'm not anti-cuckold or anything. But if you think your wife will be happy being monogamous with you, that ship sailed before you ever even met.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

It seems far away fields are always green. Did you cheat on your ex wife? You dumped her (and your kids) because your first marriage was too vanilla? Now you got want you wanted, sex, partying, drinking, the full works and you are complaining? 
Sometimes one gets what they asked for and then they cannot handle it. I am sure what you are hearing from your current wife is what your ex-wife heard from you (boring, lack of sex, no parting, nor drinking) or what you thought about your ex wife. It's not so funny when the shoe is on the other foot.
You dumped your first family for the thrill of the pleasures of a woman such as your current wife, well now you know. No empathy here, you got to suck it up if you want the marriage to survive and stop the whinging. As the saying goes "be careful what you ask for."


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Need_advice123 said:


> I'm not being hard headed. The marriage and kids and her just mean a lot to me. I dont want to throw in the towel and just say f**k it


You did with your first family, wasn't so hard then! what a hypocrite.


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

I've got no obvious health issues. I think the ED is age related, but also performance anxiety. Sometimes no problem, but other times it's just not super hard. Medication does help, but she has said she thinks if I need it to get hard for her, I obviously don't find her attractive. She also thinks I had tons of sex in my last marriage and she essentially just has the sloppy seconds....now I'm all used up. That's in the heat of an argument about it.

I'm actually younger looking....would pass for mid 40s prob. Decent shape.....average body at worst. I still get looks from other women...especially younger ones.

Believe me, the ED is hard on me too....and the more she gives me crap about it, the more pressure to perform I put on myself, the worse it is.

She's jealous about everything, which I don't get. She's the one trying to get with others. I'm completely straight laced...i don't flirt or anything with anyone else.


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

To Aine....my first wife left me. I didnt leave them....i didnt have a say in it...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Middle of Everything said:


> World class bone flute player or something?


Not that I knew. 

Because although we dated for three years, we rarely had sex. Apparently she wanted to keep our relationship special.


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

And my ex left me for a coworker of hers....it wasn't how u assume I was and and walked out on her for another younger model. Was a hard thing to go through....and I wasn't my idea....or wish


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Need_advice123 said:


> I've got no obvious health issues. I think the ED is age related, but also performance anxiety. Sometimes no problem, but other times it's just not super hard. Medication does help, but she has said she thinks if I need it to get hard for her, I obviously don't find her attractive. She also thinks I had tons of sex in my last marriage and she essentially just has the sloppy seconds....now I'm all used up. That's in the heat of an argument about it.
> 
> I'm actually younger looking....would pass for mid 40s prob. Decent shape.....average body at worst. I still get looks from other women...especially younger ones.
> 
> ...


Are you taking meds for Type 2 diabetes? Metformin can cause ED. There are other meds that don't do this.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

Need_advice123 said:


> She's the one trying to get with others. I'm completely straight laced...i don't flirt or anything with anyone else.


Often, the cheating partner displays a lot of jealousy.

Also, yes, she is the one trying to get with others. This is her lifestyle. She wants another person besides you. You have to decide at some point if this is kosher with you. You are not going to get her on board with monogamy. It doesn't sound like she was ever monogamous before you as well.


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

I'm not on meds for anything other than the ED....which I take when needed.

She was never monogamous, but was never married either. I guess I want to believe the best in her.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

To bad you can't get erect from dominance.

She sure as hell could use a good spanking!


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

Okay, I'm going to echo lostinthought....if you bail now, your expenses will be far less.

Here is a cautionary tale for you. I personally know a man in his fifties, great job, great pay...who scored a hot, young wife. All the guys were high-fiving him, complimenting him, etc. He endured countless affairs on her part, and now their kids are in their teens and his wife left him for a much younger boy friend. My friend had ED issues.

Now he is paying alimony until the twelfth of never, because of how long they were married, despite the endless stream of affairs...and he is now supporting not only his ex wife, but her new boyfriend. He hired a P.I. to see if they are married, because he could disentangle from her financially if she married the new flame...but his ex is too smart to do that. He's literally paying his ex wife's bf's expenses as well. 

This could be you.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Need_advice123 said:


> I appreciate the sarcasm and calls of how stupid I am and how naive I am. Got it! I understand and it's probably well deserved.
> 
> I guess I'm looking for some more practical advice though. There's a 5 year relationship here and two kids. I understand my stupidity....but hoping there was some *advice to save the marriage and make things better.*


There is no saving the marriage, if you think marriage is monogamy.

Things are not going to get better for you unless you go out of your mind and accept other men and women being a part of your marriage.

50 is still young. You potentially have a lot of years left. You can either live out the rest of your life divorced from your current wife and perhaps someday married to a faithful woman, or you can live it out being cuckold and perhaps getting several diseases from other men through your wife.

My guess is that you will end up divorced either way. If you don't divorce her, she is going to divorce you when she finds someone she likes better.

Give it a few days. Then make up your mind about how you want to live the rest of your life.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Need_advice123 said:


> And my ex left me for a coworker of hers....it wasn't how u assume I was and and walked out on her for another younger model. Was a hard thing to go through....and I wasn't my idea....or wish


Just curious if you married your younger sexy wife to prove something to your ex.

If you did, then you can recognize your mistake and decide to not turn a mistake into a lifelong disaster by divorcing her!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Need_advice123 said:


> It's just this sex thing at this point....makes me feel inadequate as a man.


You're not inadequate as a man. 

She is inadequate as a monogamous and faithful wife. 

This is a character issue on her part. 

It really does not matter what you do. She will carry her character with her whether you swing or don't swing and she will do whatever she wants. whether you open your marriage to others or whether you can get it up yourself and try to keep her contained within the marriage will probably not make much different in the end. Her character will determine her destiny irregardless of what you choose to do.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I am one of maybe a handful of people on this entire website that has any real-world experience in the swinging lifestyle. 

I am mostly an armchair swinger now but my wife and I have been involved in the lifestyle for 10+ years and were highly active for about a half dozen years and we have been to clubs and parties and swinger conventions etc in different parts of the country. 

This really isn't a swinging issue. You are not even remotely valid candidates for a healthy swinging marriage in a bad dream. 

She is simply a narcissist who has no real respect for you that wants to keep living in your house and utilizing your babysitting services whilst she screws other guys and parties and has fun. 

She knows darn well you will not have sex with other women and she is confident that you will not leave her so she really has nothing to loose by running this hairbrained idea by you.  

So here's the scoop, you said you are a practical man and want to hear so practical options so here they are - 

- circle up your financial and legal wagons to protect your financial assets, property and access to your children when the day comes that she leaves for another man. 

Yes, you will be sad when that day comes and you will miss the fun times you had with her, but it is important that you secure your assets and legal access to your children enough that she cannot actually harm you when she leaves. 

She is of low moral and ethical character so it would not be stretch of the imagination that she would empty out the bank accounts one day and simply be gone. 

There is a possibility she could pack up and take the kids with her and disappear to parts unknown and there is just as likely possibility that she could simply take off and leave the kids with you and never see them again and never contribute a dime to their upbringing or care. 

There is also the risk of her exposing the kids to unscrupulous people with the same moral fiber as herself and they could potentially be exposed to drug people and molesters and abusers etc. 

You need to be able to protect yourself from those scenarios. 

The other practical considerations is simply do whatever you want because nothing you do is really going to change her or influence her anyway. If you want to try to bang some other women yourself, go ahead and give swinging a whirl. It likely won't work out for you because you sound pretty tightly wrapped and traditional and you have performance issues, but what the hey. You might as well get yours right? 

Or you can take up golf, I really don't care. It's not going to matter one way or another. she is going to be banging other dudes whether you consent to it or not. 

So your options are - to ride on her shirttails and hope she can find some gal(s) that will blow you while their partners pound her. 

- Go on about your business and keep playing house and don't rock the boat while she comes home from her trysts and plays house with you until she leaves (which could be anywhere from weeks to several years) 

- divorce her and move on with your own life and leave her to do her own thing. 

Those are really your only realistic options. 

What is not realistic here is that you sprinkle some magic pixie dust on her and chant some incantations and transform her into a traditional, faithful, monogamous, respectful wife. That just ain't a gonna happen. 

You knowingly married a bona fide sex worker, party girl and serial cheater. You own that and now you have to deal with the repurcussions of those choices. 

Your options are listed above and whichever you choose really isn't going to impact the end result much. 

If you are smart and practical as you say you are, then you will at least need to be responsible and consult an attorney to see what you can do now that will protect you and your assets and your children when the day comes that she takes off.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> - Go on about your business and keep playing house and don't rock the boat while she comes home from her trysts and plays house with you until she leaves (which could be anywhere from weeks to several years)
> .


I have the feeling this is the route you are going to take so let's discuss this a little more.

If you simply suck it up and live with it, this could go on for anywhere from many months to even a couple years. 

You may even by some outward appearances and by a couple standards even be somewhat content and functional with it. 

But the day will come where she will leave. And that day really won't have any warning or anything leading up to it. She may make some statements about not wanting things to be resentful or for their to be any arguments or anything. She will likely stop having sex with you altogether once she starts hooking up with the other dudes regularly but other than that, it really will be pretty business as usual since she is skilled an experienced at getting what she wants from men and from you in particular. 

But where I'm going with this is one day she is going to pack some stuff and be gone. It will probably be a Tuesday. 

The only warning you'll get is you will be whining one day about how you never have any fun together anymore and she will tell you that she loves you but is not in love with you (ILYBNILWY). that will be your only sign. 

And then on a Tuesday she'll be loading stuff in a truck to move to the other guy's place. 

This is why you need to consult an attorney and have your legal and financial ducks in a row and have a plan in place to protect yourself legally and financially. 

She is not going to give you fair warning and she's not going to negotiate a fair settlement with you prior to dissolving your marriage.


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## sherrialicia (Jul 10, 2013)

Need_advice123 said:


> So...maybe this helps answer some questions. Not that it will change your opinions.
> 
> When we met, she was finishing up her degree. She said she was doing the stripping and escorting for the money...she said she was kind of desperate financially. The hours and money tempted her. According to her, it wasn't about the sex.
> 
> ...


That's where you're wrong. You're correct that she doesn't need you anymore. She isn't that struggling call girl you married, as you stated she's got a degree and a well paying job now. She's also got the promise of at least 5 yrs of alimony and 15+ yrs of child support. What she wants now is what all cougars on the prowl want, a nice young man that can go hours in bed. This relationship isn't salvageable, you can realize that now or when you catch her banging the pool boy. She was too young for you 5 yrs ago and that'll never change.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

@Need_advice123, I really think that your wife does not love you. Putting her past to one side, her present actions show that she has no respect for you or the marriage, but only for her selfish wants. If you are open to swinging, I'm not going to judge you, but swinging when you're unsatisfied is not the answer to arrive at a healthier marriage. The marriage must be strong and sound as a bell before you even think about involving others in that way.

I believe in monogamy first. What do you believe? Because if her ideas are not something you're on FIRE for, then it's going to be a bad idea from your perspective eventually.

I am cautious about saying this, but be open to the possibility that she can't love you in the way you want or need. She had a somewhat revolving door life, and that is not conducive to learning the ability to bond strongly with one man. It's just who she is. I think she may have chose you because you were stable, and probably thought you could help rewire her brain. Unfortunately, people rarely change and life gets predictably boring for someone who had already tasted a more exciting existence.

Whatever you decide, I hope you'll really think about the possible consequences and look out for yourself.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Need_advice123 said:


> I appreciate the sarcasm and calls of how stupid I am and how naive I am. Got it! I understand and it's probably well deserved.
> 
> 
> 
> I guess I'm looking for some more practical advice though. There's a 5 year relationship here and two kids. I understand my stupidity....but hoping there was some advice to save the marriage and make things better.




It starts with you being absolutely clear. Being milky doesn’t help anyone and is not fair.

‘I am 100% not interested in non-monogamy. Period. Also, cheating is an absolute deal breaker and will result in immediate divorce. With that said, I truly hear you about the issues with our sex life. Let’s go chat with someone about the issues. Many couples have gotten over much larger problems than this’


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Keke24 said:


> This is a perfect opportunity for you assert yourself as the protector in your relationship. Stop *****footing, you have a marriage and children to protect! You marriage is going to be a model to your children of what a healthy relationship looks like. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because of your ED, it is enabling your wife's descent into victimhood and entitlement. She knew about your ED before you tied the knot, she can't just throw her hands up now with this bs.
> 
> So let her know in no uncertain terms that you absolutely refuse to share your wife with another man or woman. And you will not be sticking around if she cheats (because that's where it's going to go next). You need to be angry or at the very least forceful and self-assured when you're communicating this. Trust that she is judging your every move. Every thing you do or say from here on will be placed in either the 'he's weak and I'm losing respect for him because I need a strong man' or the 'damn he got some balls, he put me in my place and I won't admit it but I like it' boxes.


Women who like older men have a very good reason for it - they're looking for an authoritative figure, a daddy type. It's not usually because they're attracted to greying hair, wrinkles, and ED.

Women who get involved in the sex trade tend to have lacked a father figure while younger as well, hence their seeking out just such a person for future relationships.

So, technically, all could have gone well here, IMO, had OP been that authoritative father-figure she was seeking.

Instead, he seems to have been the opposite, hence the issues at hand.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Need_advice123, please just put those kids you have been blessed with first. Divorce and fight for primary care. Get the best lawyer you can. Go for the throat. Expose all this sh!t if you have to. Tell the lawyer everything.

This isn't going to be easy so you need to keep this vile woman as emotionally distant as possible. Who knows what fvcking idiots she's going to have around those kids. What situations she will put them in. Protect them. This is your only job with regards to this woman now.

She will ruin you if you do not take my advice.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Divorce her.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

marriageontherocks2 said:


> Man you got duped. She married you and had a kid for the future child support payments.
> 
> This situation seems like you either become a cuckold, or get a divorce. There doesn't seem to be much grey area. She doesn't appear to be the type to suffer silently without the type of wild sex she's looking for. So let her get it with your knowledge, or let her go. She's likely going to leave you anyway once she falls for another guy. She already has you for child support for the next 20+ years.
> 
> Painful situation, sorry man.


this may be true. Why would a stripper/escort marry a much older guy with ED issues? Because he is a stable guy with a large bank account.

ugh. 

I guess you either divorce, or come to the realization you married a "hotwife" and she will be having countless male partners along with you. Some men can live with the hotwife situation, and some with ED even welcome the pressure being off of them. But that is entirely for YOU to decide. 

The thing to remember in all these swinging things....it is 10x easier for your WIFE to hook up with another guy, than for you to hook up with another woman. And with your ED issues...the pressure will be on for you to perform...not the best thing in a swinging party to have as baggage. 

But if she agrees to TRY to please you sexually once in a while, it might be enough.


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

Thanks for all the input. I will talk to her soon and hash this stuff out.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Need_advice123 said:


> Thanks for all the input. I will talk to her soon and hash this stuff out.


So you think she can be reasoned with and you will be able to change her core being by talking to her????

Make sure you bring enough magic pixie dust with you to your conversation.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Need_advice123 said:


> Once I was thinking with my heart....and yes.....probably a little with the little head too...


Ya think?



> I've laid the divorce thing out there if she's not happy with me. Maybe I need to be more forceful with it however. She hasn't left yet and says she loves me.


You're her most likely choice to stay with. She knows she's a tougher sell now that she's a package deal and comes with young kids. Lots of guys really don't want to bothered with some other guy's kids or the drama of dealing with the kid's father all the time. Besides, she knows that you're MUCH more emotionally invested than she is, and you'll put up with a whole LOT of sh** from her and still not kick her out. So why WOULD she leave?

The person who loves the LEAST has the *most* power.

And that person would be your wife.

She knows you'll stick around hoping your marriage will magically get better soon. She also knows if she throws you a bone or two you'll *continue *hanging around hoping and praying for that magic day to come. She also knows you'll continue doing whatever you can in the meantime to win her favor. And if that includes you staying home with the kids whenever she's out flying her freak flag (but has told you she was out at the gym) then that's what you'll do.

Such are the perils of middle-aged men lusting after younger women and finding out they don't have what it takes to KEEP their young bride once they persuade her to be with him.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Are you taking meds for Type 2 diabetes? Metformin can cause ED. There are other meds that don't do this.


I'm taking 2x metformin 850mg a day, 1x fenesteride (Propecia ), and should have negative testosterone value at 57... No ED.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't think the issue is middle aged men married to women in their 30's.

This woman is just a skank. A skank that maybe loves him but a skank all the same.

ED can hit any age group.

How is your overall health OP?


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

I know people picture in their head what we look like on this thread and make some assumptions based on that. I think some are misleading....although the opinions might be spot on.

About me: I'm 50yo...yes. I'm in good shape, however. Not balding with a pot belly and grey hair. I'm 6'4", about 210 or 215, no grey, full head of hair. People think I'm mid 40s. Ive got tattoos....half sleeve on one arm. I work in a job that a lot of women think is just hot! I make decent money, but am definitely not rich.

Not to sound conceited, but if I were a woman, I'd want to f**k me! Hot older guy. I dated some hot younger women prior to my wife just for the fun of it, but knew there would never be anything serious....and wasn't trying to get attached. And....my prior marriage ended about 2 1/2 yrs prior to meeting my current wife.

With my wife, however, we clicked immediately. Although she had stuff going on the side to make money, she never asked me for any money....nor did I give her any. I was not a sugar daddy or anything of the sort.

As for my wife.....yes....she was a stripper/escort. Since then she has put on 40 or 50 lbs...no longer in stripper shape. She's attractive...or I wouldn't have gone out with her....let alone married or had kids with her. She could still get all kinds of guys.....guys are dogs and will screw any willing participant! But on the other side....im not a fat balding guy....i could find some chick to screw too. I wasn't desperate when I met her.

As for the ED.....i can still get it up. It's easier with the Viagra, but I'm not impotent. It helps me get hard faster, get harder and stay harder. I can still screw...not some old man! Just need a little help sometimes.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

> guys are dogs and will screw any willing participant!


Never truer words. With that said, concerning swinging, I'm inclined to believe W get more "action" than you. Specifically older males. I'm sure your good looking in all(per your post). But lets be real. I do recall reading a thread here concerning that. The H spent more time watching his W with young guys than spending time with any female that would have him.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Need_advice123 said:


> I know people picture in their head what we look like on this thread and make some assumptions based on that. I think some are misleading....although the opinions might be spot on.
> 
> About me: I'm 50yo...yes. I'm in good shape, however. Not balding with a pot belly and grey hair. I'm 6'4", about 210 or 215, no grey, full head of hair. People think I'm mid 40s. Ive got tattoos....half sleeve on one arm. I work in a job that a lot of women think is just hot! I make decent money, but am definitely not rich.
> 
> ...


You shouldn't have any trouble finding a decent woman who is relationship material and values faithfulness and monogamy once your current wife moves on so don't get oneitis and think that this gal is your one last chance for love.

You have no reason to settle for someone who wants a live-in babysitter and a roof over her head while she screws around.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

john117 said:


> I'm taking 2x metformin 850mg a day, 1x fenesteride (Propecia ), and should have negative testosterone value at 57... No ED.


The diabetes nurses ask me every appointment I have if I have any ED problems.

So far I can answer no.


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> The person who loves the LEAST has the *most* power.


This is so true, and so depressing.


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## Need_advice123 (Nov 8, 2017)

It'll always be easier for a woman to get laid! That's just a matter of fact. Even when I was in my 20s. I'd have no problem finding someone based on my attractiveness, however. 20s, 30, 40s, or 50s. If there's such a thing....I'm a DILF....dad I'd like to f**k! I get flirted with all the time from younger women. I'd say....me and the wife are at least evenly matched in looks.

I know it seems like some old fat dude and a trophy wife. Not true! Hot guy and attractive wife! Two absolutely gorgeous kids together. Professional jobs. 6 figure household income....spit evenly between me and the wifey!

She can get kinky in bed...i think from the prior sex industry stuff. But so can I! We're like that! We get all hot nasty and sweaty in bed! I'm no slouch in the sack. She c*ms all the time when we have sex!

I'm hot and I know it!!! I'm not some pansy ass fat old guy with grey hair. Just getting older....need some extra help to stay harder longer, etc.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Need_advice123 said:


> It'll always be easier for a woman to get laid! That's just a matter of fact. Even when I was in my 20s. I'd have no problem finding someone based on my attractiveness, however. 20s, 30, 40s, or 50s. If there's such a thing....I'm a DILF....dad I'd like to f**k! I get flirted with all the time from younger women. I'd say....me and the wife are at least evenly matched in looks.
> 
> I know it seems like some old fat dude and a trophy wife. Not true! Hot guy and attractive wife! Two absolutely gorgeous kids together. Professional jobs. 6 figure household income....spit evenly between me and the wifey!
> 
> ...


And why does your W want to swing? I'm mean, after all the above written here, why the change?


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

@Need_advice123: She sounds like MY EX - we broke up a week ago. Not much difference. She has been talking to guys too. Thinks my penis not standing up to attention instantly is a reflection of her, etc.

Your wife wants to have sex with others... If she hasn't cheated on you yet - she will. And by going into swinging - she has her excuses.

In a sense, she already cheated on you by being engaged to a previous guy while she was dating you.

DNA the kids.
Prepare for divorce. I mean it. Mentally start imagining life without her. Sorry, you had kids with her.

I am a broken man. I loved her. So I know its going to hurt you. Nothing will prepare you for it.

You may want to do the swinging in order to meet other women/people and get some side-sex while you prepare to divorce her.

Overall, I think you should just dump her asap - when you can handle it. Get your ducks in a row.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Need_advice123 said:


> I know people picture in their head what we look like on this thread and make some assumptions based on that. I think some are misleading....although the opinions might be spot on.
> 
> About me: I'm 50yo...yes. I'm in good shape, however. Not balding with a pot belly and grey hair. I'm 6'4", about 210 or 215, no grey, full head of hair. People think I'm mid 40s. Ive got tattoos....half sleeve on one arm. I work in a job that a lot of women think is just hot! I make decent money, but am definitely not rich.
> 
> ...


I may have missed this

Where did you meet your wife?


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Need_advice123 said:


> I know people picture in their head what we look like on this thread and make some assumptions based on that. I think some are misleading....although the opinions might be spot on.
> 
> About me: I'm 50yo...yes. I'm in good shape, however. Not balding with a pot belly and grey hair. I'm 6'4", about 210 or 215, no grey, full head of hair. People think I'm mid 40s. Ive got tattoos....half sleeve on one arm. I work in a job that a lot of women think is just hot! I make decent money, but am definitely not rich.
> 
> ...


Wow!
Quite the catch but your 40-50lb over-weight ex stripper wife apparently finds you totally...

BORING. She is so bored she actually TOLD you she wants to have sex with other people.

Except- you married the stripper and now she has put on considerable LB'S and you can't get it up and tons of girls want to slay your dragon .

Maybe OP is bored with the chunky, mommy ex stripper and not the other way around.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Need_advice123 said:


> If there's such a thing....I'm a DILF....dad I'd like to f**k!
> 
> I'm hot and I know it!!! c.



Ewwww-

I'm beginning to see there is waaaaaay more to this story.

Seriously- you actually are referring to yourself as a DILF? Is that inked on your ass?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

sandcastle said:


> Maybe OP is bored with the chunky, mommy ex stripper and not the other way around.


If that were the case, then he would be the one pushing the swinging.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

This is bad, very bad, lock the bank account's, take the kids and run for your life! 

Seriously though, you need to talk to a good lawyer. See what you can do to protect your assets and your kids. The longer you stay married to her, the more she may be entitled to in alimony and/or soc sec benefits later on. 

She is still the kids mom, unfortunately, but do you really want a sex worker raising them?

I would do what I could to minimize her interaction with them.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Need_advice123 said:


> It'll always be easier for a woman to get laid! That's just a matter of fact. Even when I was in my 20s. I'd have no problem finding someone based on my attractiveness, however. 20s, 30, 40s, or 50s. If there's such a thing....I'm a DILF....dad I'd like to f**k! I get flirted with all the time from younger women. I'd say....me and the wife are at least evenly matched in looks.
> 
> I know it seems like some old fat dude and a trophy wife. Not true! Hot guy and attractive wife! Two absolutely gorgeous kids together. Professional jobs. 6 figure household income....spit evenly between me and the wifey!
> 
> ...


You are spending time and energy defending yourself here.

Again, no one is accusing you of being inadequate as a man. 

Your wife is inadequate as a faithful, monogamous partner. She's fun-in-bed material and party girl material. Not faithful wife and mother material. 

You married a serial cheating, party girl, stripper and hooker. You could be the biggest, hottest stud on the planet and that won't transform her into a faithful wife and mother. 

This is not on you. Your supposed "inadequacy" did not turn her into a party girl or someone wanting lots of sex partners. She was always this way and this is who and what she is. You did not cause this so therefor you can not change her. 

This is on her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> To bad you can't get erect from dominance.
> 
> She sure as hell could use a good spanking!


None of the other punks and sissies would give you a 'like' for this comment.

The Martian fired back from his bunker a loud "Yeah", so the Typist slapped the 'like' Icon.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Need_advice123 said:


> I'm not on meds for anything other than the ED....which I take when needed.
> 
> She was never monogamous, but was never married either. I guess I want to believe the best in her.


In her, the 'best' is a moving target.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

OP, have you considered that your wife is already having an affair and the swinging conversation is just to set you up with a fait accompli? I.E. she introduces you t a couple she likes and the guy is someone she is already sleeping with? It has happened here on TAM before.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This is simply a case of don't buy a greyhound if you want a dog for '**** hunting and don't buy a llama to pull a plow. 

You didn't match your goals and objectives with the right breed for the task.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

sandcastle said:


> Ewwww-
> 
> I'm beginning to see there is waaaaaay more to this story.
> 
> Seriously- you actually are referring to yourself as a DILF? Is that inked on your ass?


I agree. The OP sounds like a different person now. Something is up...


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

GuyInColorado said:


> I agree. The OP sounds like a different person now. Something is up...


Thus my question. If OP is such a sexual dynamo as self-described why does the W want to start sexcapades?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Yeswecan said:


> Thus my question. If OP is such a sexual dynamo as self-described why does the W want to start sexcapades?


Several points to make here.

For starters, I don't think he is trying to portray himself as a sexual dynamo. I think he is just trying to defend himself that he is not a fat, frumpy couch potato who is asexual. 

In regards to why would she want to swing if he is such a stud , you have to understand the ethos and mentality of people who ascribe to that lifestyle. 

People want to swing and have sex with multiple people because they like the fun and excitement and variety of multiple people. It has virtually nothing to do with the attractiveness or sexiness of their partner or lack thereof.

Wanting to screw lots of people is something in them, it has nothing to do with their partner.

My wife is a slender, beautiful, uber sexy and skilled lover and was a state-level Miss Teen contestant in her youth. And she is a wonderful wife and mother.

I wanted to swing because I wanted to experience that lifestyle and have those adventures. It had nothing to do with her attractiveness or desirability as a partner. I was lucky in that she also wanted to experience those things and we had wonderful experiences.

In the OP's case, his wife is a party girl, serial cheater, stripper and prostitute. She is simply not from the mold of a monogamous woman and is not adapted to a traditional marriage. Monogamy just isn't for her and is not in her DNA.

It has NOTHING to do with him or his attractiveness or desirability as a man, husband or lover.

She wants to swing because she wants to screw lots of people. 

She at least invited him to tag along. I'll give her that credit.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

OP, you may be hot as hell and all that and a bag of chips...what does it matter, if your wife wants somebody else? You don't need us to believe that she doesn't need more than you, you have to convince her. Therein lies the problem.


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## sherrialicia (Jul 10, 2013)

GuyInColorado said:


> I agree. The OP sounds like a different person now. Something is up...


Nothing wrong or different with the OP, his ego's just been hurt in this thread so he's got to prove he's not the old man that married out of his league.


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

This is what I think you should do. 

Sit her down and ask her:

Can you stay in this marriage and be happy without swinging?

Can you stay in this marriage and be happy without ever having sex with another man or woman?

Then, ask yourself:

Do I really want to get into the swinger lifestyle?

Am I truly able to know my wife is having sex with another man and live with it?

That's really all you have to do, it's pretty simple. 

If her answers are no to either of the above questions, you've got your answer. 

If your answers are no to the above questions, you've got your second answer. 

That's all you really need to know. 

Really ... very simple. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Question 1: What heck were you thinking, marrying a prostitute???

Question 2: Please refer back to Question 1.

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Need_advice123 said:


> To Aine....my first wife left me. I didnt leave them....i didnt have a say in it...


I am sorry to hear that. YOU mentioned another man. What actually happened to your first marriage?
Often when the first marriage ends the spouses carry exactly the same problems into the second marriage. You sounded like you were bored with your first marriage, did you step out, did you neglect your first wife. She cheated, entirely on her but what was your role in the demise of that marriage.

For a mature man, your choice of second wife says alot about you. Sounds like you need to work on yourself first, go to IC, seek counselling etc. Then consider where you are in this marriage. Your current wife does not sound like marriage material at all. I can understand you want to make it work and should because of the young children. How is she as a mother?

Get professional help for you first, you cannot change her. Do not give into her demands for opening up your marriage if you are not comfortable with it, it will only lead ot resentment and pain. Consider visiting the doctor you may have lowered testosterone (this happened to my H) you can get injections and pills.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> The diabetes nurses ask me every appointment I have if I have any ED problems.
> 
> So far I can answer no.


Is that really within her purview? Seems like an unhealthy obsession with your hydraulics! :grin2:


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

obsession yes, hydraulics no, selling a boatload of expensive pharmaceuticals most likely.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

aine said:


> Is that really within her purview? Seems like an unhealthy obsession with your hydraulics! :grin2:


Standard question at least in the UK.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

aine said:


> You sounded like you were bored with your first marriage, did you step out, did you neglect your first wife. She cheated, entirely on her but what was your role in the demise of that marriage.


Why is it always assumed that the BS has a role in what the WS does with their own genitalia? 

Maybe his WW was selfish jerk who screwed someone at work because she wanted to and didn't have enough scruples not to. 

Cheating is often a character issue within the WS and has nothing to do with the BS whatsoever. 

Often times the "demise of the marriage" is do to the cheating, not the other way around.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Need_advice123 said:


> If she left me, things would be good with another guy for a year or two.....then she'd be back in the same rut she's in with me. And the guy b4 me, and b4 him, etc.
> 
> I'd rather we be happy together. We have a lot invested in this relationship and marriage.


The sad truth about this quote above is that YOU treasure what you two built, she doesn`t. A tiger can't change its stripes; your wife is incapable of being faithful. She tried. She did the marrisge and family thing with you, but that sadly has run its course snd she wants more. 

If you want to be happy together, you need to accept that you can't change her cheating ways; no one can. Not even her.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Need_advice123 said:


> A little background info. I am 50 and my wife is in her early 30s. I was previously married for 13 yrs that resulted in 2 kids. My current wife was in a long term relationship prior that resulted in one child, but she never married. When we first got together, things were great. We had sex often, partied, drank like crazy, etc. I was about 2 years out of a very repressive marriage with little and very vanilla sex, she didnt drink nor go out much. I thought it was great being with my current wife....polar opposites of my ex. My new woman was super fun to be around.
> 
> We got married after 2 years dating and have now been married for about 3 years. Before we got married I told her I had issues with ED at times and she went with me to the doctor to get some Viagra....it wasn't a fix all, but helped. She understood and loved me anyway. We got married and quickly had two kids.
> 
> ...




- Your current wife is in her early 30's, "her sexual peak"!!

- You're 50+ and not in your prime anymore, ED, etc.

- You could go to your family doctor and get regular testosterone shots. This will get you hard and full of energy again. Also, weight train and eat healthy, no alcohol, processed foods, cigarettes, etc. Viagra on top of this and she'll be screaming for more.

- Her wanting a 3 some with another woman or man, is breaking your marriage vows and committing adultery. She fully knows this is wrong but wants to do it anyway. When someone wants to cheat openly, you move on......fast.

- She got engaged with her ex after 7 months of dating you? Disgusting woman!!

- And she worked as a stripper too? Wow.

- And as an escort while you were still dating??? Are you serious?!

- If your current wife truly loved you and respected what marriage really means, she would never even think of a 3 some, swinging, etc. If your ED is causing issues, go to your family doctor, get regular testosterone shots and go to the gym. This will work wonders.

- When men hit their early 40's, our testosterone is already reduced by 25%. Early 50's, even more so, which means ED, no more morning wood and lack of energy.

- Again, Viagra won't help when you have low testosterone due to natural aging. Take my advice, go to the doctor, gets regular testosterone shots and go to the gym and train hard. Your wife will soon notice the positive changes. It doesn't take long to notice the test increase, energy and solid sexual wood. It's all testosterone.

- Myself, I am going on HGH soon because since my early 40's, my energy levels have dropped and I'm not hard like I used to be. This will boost me up like when I was a teenager once again.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

TX-SC said:


> Question 1: What heck were you thinking, marrying a prostitute???
> 
> Question 2: Please refer back to Question 1.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


I think he found out "after the fact."


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Yeah, I gotta look into that HGH stuff, etc. I think I can get away with Viagra for a while - I haven't tried it for over a year. But I'm not like I used to be.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Need_advice123 said:


> A little background info. I am 50 and my wife is in her early 30s. I was previously married for 13 yrs that resulted in 2 kids. My current wife was in a long term relationship prior that resulted in one child, but she never married. When we first got together, things were great. We had sex often, partied, drank like crazy, etc. I was about 2 years out of a very repressive marriage with little and very vanilla sex, she didnt drink nor go out much. I thought it was great being with my current wife....polar opposites of my ex. My new woman was super fun to be around.
> 
> We got married after 2 years dating and have now been married for about 3 years. Before we got married I told her I had issues with ED at times and she went with me to the doctor to get some Viagra....it wasn't a fix all, but helped. She understood and loved me anyway. We got married and quickly had two kids.
> 
> ...


Pretty piss poor timing for her to realize all of this. >

I believe you’ve been played. Marriage then two kids back to back. Then all of a sudden she has a problem with everything about you, really?

Dude you have been played.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Need_advice123 said:


> I hear you guys. I'm not willing to call it quits now, however. I love her and the kids. We still have fun and enjoy each other. She's a good person. It's just this sex thing at this point....makes me feel inadequate as a man. But....i don't think that's her intention. In her eyes, she's just expressing her opinion. She says it hurts her self-esteem.
> 
> I understand the age difference, but she always says she likes older guys and that's not an issue for her. Not that she was being truthful to me, but that's what she always says.
> 
> So....i guess....barring divorce, what are our other options?


You have none. She will do this with or with out you.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Need_advice123 said:


> I appreciate the sarcasm and calls of how stupid I am and how naive I am. Got it! I understand and it's probably well deserved.
> 
> I guess I'm looking for some more practical advice though. There's a 5 year relationship here and two kids. I understand my stupidity....but hoping there was some advice to save the marriage and make things better.


What advice can be given with this situation?

You refuse to end the marriage over this so you have no leverage. Begging and pleading will only make you look more unmanly and lose what ever respect she still has for you. 

Try counseling I guess. Good luck finding a good one. Would your wife even go to one?

If you are not willing to lose the marriage to save it, I hope you like being a checkbook and cockolded.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Need_advice123 said:


> Thanks for the advice. I'm not a stupid guy.....masters degree, professional job, etc. I've always been a practical thinker.
> 
> I guess I was lonely, she filled a void in my life, and I fell in love with her. Once I was thinking with my heart....and yes.....probably a little with the little head too, I made some bad choices and put the blinders on some of the stuff she was doing. But....we do love each other....at least I love her....still....through everything.
> 
> ...


This is not possible with your wife. She has never been faithful to you. Why will she all of a sudden start now. O, because she loves you, but wait didn’t she love you before you got married? She was a escort right? 

You were played.


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