# Men in bad relationships AND an unplanned pregnancies



## pearl18 (Apr 3, 2010)

Guys-I would like to hear from men in difficult marriages or relationships and there is an unplanned pregnancy I would like to know your thoughts on what you felt about the pregnancy? What was your first reaction? How did you feel during the pregnancy? How did you feel the day the baby was born? And, how did you feel in the months after the baby was born. Did your relationship work out in the end? Did having the baby help the relationship or make it worse?


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## Rainfaery (May 2, 2010)

I would also like to get an answer to this question. I found out I am about 6 weeks pregnant now. My boyfriend's reaction is that basically I have to choose between our relationship and the baby. He would like me to have an abortion, but he can see that I do not want to have one. So his next best thing is to say that it is over between us, but he will stay here with me but ONLY for the baby and no other reason.

He also said last night that he now realises that I was a fault in his life. 

We are both Christians, but his reactions are totally the opposite of a Christian. 

We have been together 2 years. I always knew he did not want to have kids, we did take precaution where i was on the pill, but obviously it did not work so well.

Now he is blaming me, and then both of us. He is really mixing up everything he says, but one constant that does not change is that he is extremely angry with me. He said we make our own choices and we must live with the consequences.

But how if this was God's plan, and God's gift and blessing, can my boyfriend decide that he is the only that can pass judgement here?

I understand that it is a huge shock to him, but is it really just shock that he is reacting this way or is it that he never really cared for me to start off with?

I did not trick him into this situation. I am a positive person and look at the positive in all negatives.

I am so confused and I just don't know what to do.

Before the pregnany he would say things like;

It was worth waiting 30 years to meet me. He loved no other like he loves me. He left his job in Afghanistan to be with me.

We did not have any problems until the news of the unplanned and unwanted pregnancy.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

My wife and I have had 2 unplanned pregnancies in our marriage (1st & 4th). With our 1st child we had only been married a few months when we found out (I was 23 my wife was 21). She was still in college and I had just started my real first job out of college. We didn't have any money at all, living paycheck to paycheck, no health insurance, etc. To say I was worried and stressed would be an understatement! We wanted to have our own time to do things without kids. We wanted freedom and I wanted to be making more money. I spent a few months in a funk, probably borderline depressed most of the time. For us, due to religious and personal views, abortion was never even considered.

After a few months I realized a few things that really turned my views around. First was that with sex always comes the responsibility of pregnancy. The only biological point of sex is to produce a child. Sex has many mental reasons (better marriage, etc). I am in NO way saying sex should only be for reproduction. But honestly, no one should ever be "surprised" if they get pregnant. 

Second, my child had not been asked to be born. It was forced into the deal because of what my wife and I did, not him. So blaming him for any of this was beyond stupid.

Third, if people in third world countries can have children, there had to be a way we could find to afford the child. We cut corners (stopped cable, cell phones, etc) and changed our spending habits. By doing that, we ended up being able to afford having our son. I also joined our insurance option at work, although it was too late to cover his birth.

I know it sounds really corny, but having our first son is the catalyst that really caused my wife and myself to grow into adults. I remember holding him after my wife delivered and thought "How could I ever have been upset at this miracle".

As with our 4th, after our 3rd son my wife's OB told her we would not be able to have more kids. In order to get pregnant with our 3rd she had to do 3 cycles of Clomid. I had asked him if he's sure enough about it if I should go have a vasectomy. He said "99% positive" that it wouldn't happen. lol, 17 months after the birth of our 3rd son we found out we are pregnant again.  In this case though we are financially stable, have insurance and know what having kids is about. I was shocked when we found out we were pregnant, but not upset, mad, angry at all. I even joked with her OB that since we have "bought" 3 we should get 1 free. That being said, I do now have an appointment to get clipped!


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## ggtam000 (Aug 9, 2012)

Hi, i put my long thoughts about my recent experience. Please read on. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...elationship-unplanned-pregnancy-disaster.html


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## jennz (Jul 14, 2012)

I wish you luck and hope that you do what is best for the baby.


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