# Hi, I'm new want to share my story



## Diamonds (Nov 10, 2010)

and get some advice.

I've been married for 25 years! For the past 7 or 8 years have been hell. I know there are three stores to every relationship. His, mine and the truth. Well hear goes, I've never cheated on my husband, but had plenty of opportunity too, even when we were not sleeping together and had major arugments. 

What is problem? I'm going to sum up what problems we've been having:

My husband takes no responsiblity for any of his actions.
He's controlling meaning that if I go out he's constantly calling me and not wanting anything. Let me do it,its a problem

He calls me out of name when he's pissed. His excused is that is the only way I can get your attention.:banned2:

Not supportive at all, I can't even go to him to ask for $5 for getting the third degree... 

So my point is we don't sleep together, we've tried counselling that didn't work, we can't go out together cause it always ends up in hostile place. We can't talk to each other face to face we have to communicate to each other through email while we are in the same house. :scratchhead: I'm so sick of the silent treatment and volcanic arguments that it has affected my health. 

Now what I did was I waited until everything was calm and I told him I want to separate because I have no more fight in me. I can't even think past living another day with this man. Don't get me wrong he can be a good guy when he wants to be but its not that often. Oh did I mention he's a funtional alcohlic? I could be wrong but when he drinks he over does it and he because very nice and says nice things. After he comes down of that high he forgets what he did and said and here comes the attitude. Looking for some advice?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I think he's not your type. You're doing the right thing to separate.
Either he learns to be a responsible husband or he losts a wife.
You don't have to suffer from his mistreatment and weird kindness because of alcohol function.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Diamonds (Nov 10, 2010)

thanks for responding Mslonely, I agree. I actually wanted until he was in calm and rational state of mind and he actually told me that its about time I recognize that we need to separate. I was like WTH! I ask him if he was that miserable then why not leave. He told me he wanted me to initiate the split, cause if he did I would have thought that it was because of another women. He is so full of himself. I've never been accusatory person and he knows that. I just look at him like he was crazy. LOL !


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Diamonds, I noticed in LVS's thread that you commented about your H being so similar to hers. I mention this because LVS describes her H as exhibiting BPD traits -- some of which your H seems to have (e.g., controlling, verbally abusive, and "volcanic arguments"). For him to have a pattern of strong BPD traits, however, he would have to have at least two more, e.g., fear of abandonment, fear of engulfment, inability to trust, emotional instability, or all-or-nothing thinking. 

If you would like to read an overview of those traits, please see my three posts in GTRR's thread at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/anxiet...depressed-its-always-my-fault.html#post188319. One of my posts there also gives links to some excellent articles about BPD. 

I nonetheless remain very skeptical that your H has a pattern of strong BPD traits because you indicate things were pretty good in the marriage for about 17 years and then went bad during the last 8 years. I've never heard of a BPDer whose traits do not surface until 17 years after he was married.


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