# Life flying by too quick to live?



## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

Due to a variety of voluntary/involuntary circumstances I find myself a bit on the older side of fatherhood - 44 with one son, only 3. Wife is 40. We'd like one or even two more but have been scratching our heads to even imagine coming up with the added energy to do this. 

The scariest thing for me is the passing of time. It's appalling. All those expectations for career growth, vacations, family visits, projects, just seem to be laughed at by Father Time. And each child added to a family is a full reset back, what, five more years?

Now, I might be confusing time and money a bit. I do have to make a lot of limited decisions based on a lack of money. But even so, the sensation of a year passing so quick that "why bother putting away the Christmas lights" is terrifying. How will I find a space in life for memories for my child(ren) like this?

I just seem to remember things so differently as a child. Being able to see my cousins in a different state once or twice a year. Long summer vacations. Are theses things just ways of the past or how I perceive them as an adult. 

Any suggestions? How to make the most of time for family...and especially with a limited budget?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I don't know how helpful this will be, but my father was an older dad, mom had me when he was 41 and she 29, then my brother came when he was 51 and my sister when he was 55. 

Being the oldest, I knew him "best" as I guess you could say I got his best years of us 3. I remember him as full of energy. It was probably his attitude more than anything else that gave this impression. He knew what was important and didn't really believe in accepting stress or worry into his life. He just did the best he could.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

What are you so busy with now, that you don't have time? 

I would look at your current lifestyle and look at things to cut back on(kids don't need to be in a hundred different sports and classes, don't need the fancy, over planned vacations, don't need an overly decorated house, etc.). Take a step back and start being mindful of being in the present. I know where I live, almost everyone is in a super fast paced life style, but my husband and I really make sure to slow things down so we can enjoy our time with our 2 year old. Things you loved and remembered as a child are still pertinent today. It's really the simple things that are the fun memories to look back on. 

As for being an older dad, that is pretty much the norm in more current times. I know many older dads, which is not a bad thing. Kids just want an involved father who loves them. You can do that at almost any age.


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

Anonymous07 said:


> What are you so busy with now, that you don't have time?
> 
> I would look at your current lifestyle and look at things to cut back on(kids don't need to be in a hundred different sports and classes, don't need the fancy, over planned vacations, don't need an overly decorated house, etc.).


I think you've just described the polar opposite of my life. Perhaps you misread (or I miswrote) it. There is nothing going on, but time is pushing forward at a blistering pace. My oldest niece is 16 now; I've only seen her twice since 2004 and that's only because of these snares of time and money.

As an observation, not relevant to me yet with only a toddler, the obsession with team sports does seem to be a huge time trap for American families. The dangling carrot being, of course, the chance for a scholarship...


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

imperfectworld said:


> I think you've just described the polar opposite of my life. Perhaps you misread (or I miswrote) it. There is nothing going on, but time is pushing forward at a blistering pace. My oldest niece is 16 now; I've only seen her twice since 2004 and that's only because of these snares of time and money.
> 
> As an observation, not relevant to me yet with only a toddler, the obsession with team sports does seem to be a huge time trap for American families. The dangling carrot being, of course, the chance for a scholarship...


I'm sorry, but you can't blame time for you not making the most of it. If you have rarely seen your niece, then do something about it now and start being more present. You are in charge of your own life. You have to be the one who is mindful of the present and really live in the moment, so you don't feel like life is just flying by you. Every day is a choice. You can just let things happen and keep doing the same things or you can really live each day out, making it all count. The latter will make things feel like life slows down a bit.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

imperfectworld said:


> As an observation, not relevant to me yet with only a toddler, the obsession with team sports does seem to be a huge time trap for American families. The dangling carrot being, of course, the chance for a scholarship...


Agreed, this is a symptom of the tuition bubble for sure. DUDE


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

Anonymous07 said:


> I'm sorry, but you can't blame time for you not making the most of it. If you have rarely seen your niece, then do something about it now and start being more present. You are in charge of your own life. You have to be the one who is mindful of the present and really live in the moment, so you don't feel like life is just flying by you. Every day is a choice. You can just let things happen and keep doing the same things or you can really live each day out, making it all count. The latter will make things feel like life slows down a bit.



My sister lives 3,000 miles away. My toddler is in special education. Money is limited. Vacation time is burned on health issues etc. And my story isn't even that tough compared with others.


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