# Do we really understand the effects of infidelity



## truststone (8 mo ago)

This makes me soo mad, because its the same thing over and over again people don't realize the magnitude of pain infidelity causes all because the ones who choose to cheat do it for one simple reason they are selfish and therefore do not understand what love is.. love stems from and flourishes from being selfless, self denying, compassionate , putting the one you love needs before yours , being completely vulnerable because you have chosen real love that can only be built on the foundation of *uncompromising TRUST to your spouse first then yourself* and hence you will always deny selfishness ..whether you change or not the damage has been done and that's the problem. when that crack in the foundation exists everything and i mean everything comes crumbling down.. And you now let selfish desire dectate and decive you that you are not hurting anyone . that is why some cheaters say to them selves i will take it to the grave... which now means the love that is claimed *has deception as it foundation routed and grounded in self desire self gratification self self self *.. see no where is the other person considered it becomes about only you and you alone and that is the farthest thing from love especially in the context of marriage where your supposed to be a team building a place of safety *refuge with ONE person you can be completely naked with who you are coupled with vulnerability because there is compete Trust!!! * 
so when someone cheats they make a conscious effort to throw all that away notice the ridiculousness because the trust they once had was always been a result of time invested & trialed ( we all get tempted we all make choices constantly some of us well never cheat why because love to us is sacred and we never Ever want to hurt the one we Love Ever that inclues our moral compass that will never put our selfish desires above our partner!!!) ...now imagine the impact it causes when that is broken after 1 yr , 10yr 15 yr of trials get my drift !!! but love is wierd if trust is given complely time doesnt apply if your married 1 day or 20yrs and someone cheats the pain is devastiing no matter what !!!

Can cheaters change yes they can but cheating is like lying once you do it once it becomes exponentially easier to do it again and you never know which way the cheating caniving head will show itself but you have now become suceptable to thinking differently -thats cheatings gift !!!what i mean is you have now opened yourself up to all the possibilities and various forms of cheating that you maybe unaware of. you have accepted the worst possible invitation there is - Deception and all it ugly heads that begin to work on you relenlessly waiting for an opportunistic moment to strike and deceive you again

those that dont cheat have the peace of mind of never experiences those demons and purity

so you cheat and say you will never do it again what does that mean?? sure the emotionl/physical act of cheating you may very well never do but what has now happened to your thought process..
-- you may sabotage future relationship that are good because you cant trust completely especially if some of the behaviors mimic what you did

you become the person yo never where jealous, suspicious blah blah blah
so now your trust is never unconditional but acts from a safe place instead of being vulnerable another deception you have now unwillingly accepted
you concentrate so much on the type of cheating you did and not doing it again
-- you have regret / remorse why ??? beacsue of the hurt hopefully you have come to realize you cause someone that loved you more than you loved them but have you ever dug deeper and asked yourself what fear has to with regret /remorse probably not because again decpetion doesnt want you to

you are now willing to compromise your moral compass why??
you accept behaviours from your partner that you would never had you yourself not cheated


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

I look at infidelity, causes and effects, from a viewpoint that may differ from yours.
Anyhow, I fully agree that it´s not well understood and one of the more serious betrayals ever.


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## truststone (8 mo ago)

that's the beauty theres so many ways and because of that the pain is so severe in my opinion for the one who has been cheated on


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