# How to Man Up with pregnancy and depression



## narcosis11 (Feb 21, 2011)

I've recently found this forum and it has really hit home for me in a lot of cases. My current struggle is dealing with a wife who is depressed since the birth of our son 1.5 yrs ago, was getting better but is now pregnant again and unable to cope with the new hormones and daily challenges. I've been hugely supportive but it's starting to effect my job performance and is exhausting our relationship. She has always had anxiety issues but was normally happy since meeting me. I'm a very positive person but I'm feeling dragged down by her constant negativity. She has started seeing a therapist but the results have yet to become apparent. I'm feeling like the Man Up process could help me pull myself out of her blackhole and make sure my job doesn't suffer but I'm concerned about how she will react given that she's pregnant and hormonal. Seems like it's a tough process when young kids are involved. 

Note: I haven't had a chance to read those books yet but plan to do so soon.
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## bluesky (Jan 29, 2011)

GET THERAPY!!!

PPD is not uncommon.


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## narcosis11 (Feb 21, 2011)

bluesky said:


> GET THERAPY!!!
> 
> PPD is not uncommon.


She is in therapy, learning coping techniques, etc. But at $150 per session, she's almost out of room under the health plan and she's still very negative. She blames my mom for a lot of problems which is fair actually but she's letting all the negativity come out in yelling at our son and I when she can't cope.

Am I being unfair? I don't like calling home during the day because the bad mood on the end of the line beings me down. I don't even look forward to coming home at the end of the day!

I'm stressed out about making her happy which is making me unhappy.
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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

Keep in mind that if it is hormones then she has little control over it herself. I have been there and it's scary really what hormones do to emotions. 

Me... all I wanted was to be held and real feel like the man holding me wished he could go through the crap FOR me. I know that can't happen, but really feeling like the wished he could would have been huge. 

Didn't have PPD so I can't help there. Have YOU spoken to her therapist? Maybe you can get some help there. Maybe send something nice to the house for her? If she has a craving, have it delivered while you are at work? Or even just send something so silly she will have to laugh.

Come home tomorrow with her favorite take out and time to sit and watch a movie that makes her laugh.... Just keep showing her you are trying, and whenever you can, take your son out so she can nap, but never make it seem like you are taking him because "she can't handle it"... make it more like you just want some daddy time so she does not end up adding guilt to the pile.

Just suggestions... you are in a tough spot with no one answer and no single answer that will work every time with the same person


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Shes' blaming your mum? what is your mum doing? you are saying her comments about your mum are fair, so why then are you allowing your mom to come into the private relationship between you are your wife? Your mom should know you love her, but that your family has to come first.

Are you putting her first? are you doing your fair share around the house and with your young child? Nothing breeds resentment quicker then feeling like a slave.

Are you actively showing her that you appreciate what she does? Are you doing nice things for her and making her feel attractive.

If you are doing all the above, and shes unwell, keep supporting her and doing the right thing, but don't allow yourself to be treated badly either. 

Good luck.


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

Sadly, you can't MAKE her happy. If she has chemical/hormonal things going on even SHE can't really make herself happy. Being pregnant I'm guessing there aren't many medications she can take.

I got really depressed after my 3rd child was born. It was so awful. It was worst from 8-18 months old with him. It is probably the main reason I won't have any more kids. For some reason having boy babies gives me the blues, but my girl baby didn't.

Are you guys going on weekly dates without your toddler? It would probably be good to get her out of the house and feeling like a woman once in awhile. Does she have a job or ever get out of the house?

I'm so sorry you guys are struggling with this. You do need to do what you can to remain strong. Don't get dragged down. Your babies need you...your wife needs you. 

Not sure what the issue is with your mother, but if she is causing problems you may need to tell her to mind her business or back off.


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