# need help..it's purely physical



## scooter2177

Hi..I been married 25 yrs...in oct 2011 i filed for divorce from husband...his drinking has beena huge issue for a long time...he has even brought 1 woman home to drink and smoke pot with...on 2 occasions over ththe yrs...we have 2 girls 15 and 13... ...but the reason i decided to file..(too late in my opinion) was last straw... i met another man.... im attracted to him...he's attracted to me...nobody has laid a hand on each other...i would enevr do that...field fr divorce in oct 2011... abig issue was where we were living...husband came to me and said he would work on our marriage w/ me...and we have reconcilied w/the house on the market...i know thats not the whole answer...but..im confused..i guess i have several questions:

he says he loves me but i feel liek its purely physcial; he will just sit around and rub me...makes me feel shallow and cheap; like a stripper; ive told him this and he doesnt seem to get it

also in the brief time i tried to sleep in guest bedroom...he would show up in the middle of the night..i would wake up to him rubbing me...(not inappropriately, but...) i think hes seveerly codepepndent..now..for like last6 months hes been trying alot to improve himself; i asked him to quit drinking he said no...he woudl cut back tho...
i feel like iev created this mess..of course the kids were devastated when i told them we were going to get divorced...

im confused..i have a p/t job (i love it, its just crappy pay) no family to live with..how do i start to separate myself from him...

any suggestion woudl be appreciated...

thanks


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## Stonewall

first off, you did not creat the mess. His drinking is a choice he made and apparently continues to make. 

What do you mean by rubbing you? I'm a little confused on that one. do you mean affectionately or is he truing to get busy?


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## TBT

I feel for the misery you must be living in as your post sounds as if you are feeling lost and alone.His continued drinking has only left you to try to hold your marriage together,so if he doesn't stop why should you bother with such a lonely soul sucking battle.This is one life we all get and you deserve to be happy.

No matter what your daughters may say I know from experience that they feel the effects of his drinking,so just make sure they know that no matter what happens that you love them and will always be with them.

If he does truly wants help and you find you want to reconcile places like AA and Al-Anon can offer support.If this isn't what you want than tell him honestly and do what you need to separate.

Don't know if this has helped much.Don't be afraid of changes and please don't feel all alone.Hug your kids,and from one who has been where they are I'll surely keep you all in my prayers.


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## scooter2177

by rubbing i mean rubbing w/ his hands...my breasts...heading down towards pants...groping...


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## NotSoSureYet

"I been married 25 yrs...in oct 2011 i filed for divorce from husband...his drinking has beena huge issue for a long time.....but the reason i decided to file..(too late in my opinion) was last straw... i met another man.... im attracted to him...he's attracted to me...nobody has laid a hand on each other...i would enevr do that..."
Exactly me, except make the 25 yrs to 5 yrs

I think having the house on the market is the biggest step. Once that's gone, you will have a lot of stress taken away. 
I am so afraid that I will be you in 20 years. I have a very similar situation but it's only been 5 years, 1 child. I decided my daughter & I had to get away before it got too far. Now my H wants to change and slow the drinking, but I feel like it doesn't matter now. I left 8+ months ago and just 2 weeks ago, he said he wanted to stop.


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