# Moving after divorce



## Brokenman85

Has anyone that got their heart broken after divorce moved far away to a place they always dreamed about?

Going through what I have the last year has given me the strength to make the decision to move across the country to Washington state.

I have no family there. No friends. Nobody. I just feel like I need to start a new life somewhere new without any memories. 

It's still scary to imagine... But it's something I have to do. I have lived life in the comfort zone for far too long and it's time to take a risk. You only live once.

It's time to go on an adventure.


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## Shooboomafoo

Got a kiddo, so that's not possible for me right now, but Ive sure thought about it. I have a few good friends here, but when it comes to travelling, Ive been no---where....
Sounds exciting as hell though!!!
Do report your progress!


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## Fenix

Yes!

But you won't think it is as exciting as I do.  I have lived abroad for the past 15 years. When I discovered what my stbx was doing, I decided to return to the US. It was either immediately or in 6 months. I gave the kids the choice. stbx signed off on it and I chose a place that I had always wanted to try out and that I thought would be good for the kids. I chose well.

I'll stay until the graduate and then, who knows...maybe some place new.

The best thing about it is that I do not see reminders of him everywhere I look.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

No, I volunteered to move from FL to CA in my early 30s for my company. I knew NOBODY there except a couple of co-workers I had met ONCE.

It was interesting! So many new things to do, try, see, experience. Remember, the road that took you THERE can also take you BACK if you decide it's not a permanent place for you!

Go give it a try!


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## Jellybeans

That sounds like so much fun.
It was something I wanted to do but didn't. GO FOR IT!


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## PBear

My kids are the only thing keeping me where I'm at. I say take the chances presented to you. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974

Brokenman85 said:


> Has anyone that got their heart broken after divorce moved far away to a place they always dreamed about?
> 
> Going through what I have the last year has given me the strength to make the decision to move across the country to Washington state.
> 
> I have no family there. No friends. Nobody. I just feel like I need to start a new life somewhere new without any memories.
> 
> It's still scary to imagine... But it's something I have to do. I have lived life in the comfort zone for far too long and it's time to take a risk. You only live once.
> 
> It's time to go on an adventure.


YES!!!!

I have two young children I have to raise though. But when the youngest is 18 and on her own I am selling all I have, giving each of my daughters 1/2 and leaving. I have no idea where I will go, maybe north. I think I will know the right place when I find it


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## EnjoliWoman

IF I didn't have a child I would have loved to pick up and start over somewhere. I have an opportunity to move to south Florida but I won't do it while kiddo is at home.


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## Jellybeans

I would LOVE to move to Florida. I love the warm weather and I seriously live in the WRONG place. I can't stand the cold at all.

Maybe we will be neighbors in FL one day, Enjoli


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## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> I would LOVE to move to Florida. I love the warm weather and I seriously live in the WRONG place. I can't stand the cold at all.
> 
> Maybe we will be neighbors in FL one day, Enjoli


You I would like as a neighbor but the weather I'm not sure I'd like! I'm pretty content where I am and having all of the seasons!  But it's always nice to have a back-up plan!


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## FeministInPink

Brokenman, I'm at a similar crossroads at the moment. No longer heartbroken (not even close), but am realizing the opportunities that lay before me, now that I am no longer tied down by my marriage. (And I have no kiddo to be concerned with.)

I'm shaking things up - BIG TIME - in 2014.

I say, GO FOR IT! If not now, when?


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## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> Brokenman, I'm at a similar crossroads at the moment. No longer heartbroken (not even close), but am realizing the opportunities that lay before me, now that I am no longer tied down by my marriage. (And I have no kiddo to be concerned with.)
> 
> I'm shaking things up - BIG TIME - in 2014.
> 
> I say, GO FOR IT! If not now, when?



Excellent!!!

So, where are you thinking??

Here is a fun quiz for those who are playing with the idea of moving http://www.findyourspot.com/


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## RNS

To OP...I am moving in May  Going to be in the FL Keys. It has to be better than where I am at now.


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## Jellybeans

Fenix said:


> Here is a fun quiz for those who are playing with the idea of moving Find Your Spot | Find Your Spot


Dang, I took that quiz, so long, and it said it would send me my results and never did. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

RNS, take me with you! I need heat.


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## FeministInPink

Fenix said:


> Excellent!!!
> 
> So, where are you thinking??
> 
> Here is a fun quiz for those who are playing with the idea of moving Find Your Spot | Find Your Spot


I am thinking about/planning to quit my job at the end of summer and backpack around Europe indefinitely. I'm going to start freelance editing now to save up money, and continue doing so part-time while I travel to pay for the trip.

I've been feeling the weight of my possessions for some time now, and I think it's holding me back. So I'm planning on liquidating almost everything, save for the small amount of things I would want to get started in a new place (bed, dresser, loveseat, my electric piano). Basically, what I would want for a small studio apt. That will go into storage while I'm traveling. I'll give up my apartment and find someone to take my cat. Use rewards point to buy a one-way ticket to Europe, and explore the continent until I get tired of it or money gets thin. Or until Christmas 

When I come back, I might stay with my parents or my sister for a little while, work and save up a little more cash, and then road trip around the country, doing pretty much the same thing as in Europe. When the weather warms up, I might hit Canada, too. And I've always wanted to see Alaska, too. Maybe along the way, I'll find a place where I'd like to stay for a little longer, in which case I can rent a room until I decide it's time to move on. And maybe I'll find a place to permanently stay. Who knows?


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## RNS

@ Jellybeans - Sure thing... I am not paying for housing  The joys of being in demand


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## RNS

At least in the work place


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## EnjoliWoman

You had to click the confirmation link in the email you sent and then it listed them. One of them was the city I'm already living in.


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## Stretch

All,

Let me know if you will be visiting Tampa Bay area. We can grab a ****tail and a sunset.

Stretch


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## Jellybeans

RNS said:


> @ Jellybeans - Sure thing... I am not paying for housing  The joys of being in demand


Lucky!



EnjoliWoman said:


> You had to click the confirmation link in the email you sent and then it listed them. One of them was the city I'm already living in.


I did click the confirmation!  So funny you got the city you are already in!


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## RNS

@ Jellybeans 

Luck ... or the willingness to work 60 + hrs a week


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## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> You had to click the confirmation link in the email you sent and then it listed them. One of them was the city I'm already living in.


The second place listed for me was the city I lived in before moving to DC. I loved it there, and I consider moving back several times a week 

And... DC is listed as well, which make sense. Beyond that, it seems really determined that I should live in either Arkansas, New Mexico, or Oregon.


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## FeministInPink

I also think that I listed my housing cost as too high. My sense of reasonable housing costs has been totally warped due to the decade I've spent in DC.

You tell me, OMG, $$$ is way too much for a one-bedroom! And I'll be like, OMG, that $$$ is so cheap, when can I move in???


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## zillard

Brokenman85 said:


> Has anyone that got their heart broken after divorce moved far away to a place they always dreamed about?
> 
> Going through what I have the last year has given me the strength to make the decision to move across the country to Washington state.
> 
> I have no family there. No friends. Nobody. I just feel like I need to start a new life somewhere new without any memories.
> 
> It's still scary to imagine... But it's something I have to do. I have lived life in the comfort zone for far too long and it's time to take a risk. You only live once.
> 
> It's time to go on an adventure.


Better question for you - WHY NOT?


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## Freak On a Leash

Brokenman85 said:


> Has anyone that got their heart broken after divorce moved far away to a place they always dreamed about?
> 
> Going through what I have the last year has given me the strength to make the decision to move across the country to Washington state.
> 
> I have no family there. No friends. Nobody. I just feel like I need to start a new life somewhere new without any memories.
> 
> It's still scary to imagine... But it's something I have to do. I have lived life in the comfort zone for far too long and it's time to take a risk. You only live once.
> 
> It's time to go on an adventure.


"Time to go on an adventure"...That's my theme for 2016. It's not a dream..It's a PLAN. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not thinking about the day when I pack everything up and leave. 2016 is the year that both my kids are graduating. One from college. The other from high school and he wants to go into the military. And that's when I plan to pick up and move away. 

I've always hated living where I live. Even before I got divorced, when I was just in a bad marriage, I always planned to leave. If anything, the divorce and living on my own has made me even more determined to leave New Jersey..because I now KNOW that I can do it...pick up and live on my own. 

I live in probably the nicest part of New Jersey. This is the area that other people come TO visit. But for me, it's congested, expensive, clogged with people and traffic and 3 hours from all the places that I can do the things I love..hiking, skiing, kayaking, camping..the mountains. I live 2 miles from the beach and my dream is to live in the mountains. I hate sand, salt water and just about everything about this place except for the food. We have good food here. 

I don't particularly like my job. It's stressful and dealing with the public irritates the hell out of me. The saving grace is that I'm my own boss but the customers drive me nuts. It's all I can do to hang on but I'm doing it..

For the next 2 years, just like the last 2 decades, I'm here for my kids. Right now I can support not only myself but them as well. I promised them that they would have a place to call home until they are on their own. But I've told them that I'm planning to leave once the diplomas are handed out. No way am I going to live out the rest of my life here in New Jersey. I want to go on an adventure. 

So I'm going to find a job in a beautiful place where I can step outside and see mountains... not McMansions, highways or box stores. I don't need much to live. I'm a minimalist at heart. A room and a place to park my Jeep and I'm good. 

I plan to sell everything, pack up the barest essentials and head out. The Rocky Mountains are my first choice. I'm not ruling out places like Alaska or even northern New England but I really want to head out west. Or maybe even Canada. Or overseas. I'm going to cast a wide net and see what I can find. 

I have no family here. What friends I do have are acquaintances. I've always loved to travel, to wander and explore. I've done it for years, even when I was married. I've always felt tied down and was too scared to venture out when I was young. By the time I wanted to, I was married with kids. 

Now I'm divorced and my kids will be on their own. It's my time now to live the life I've wanted to live but never had the courage to do so. But I do have to wait those 2 years. So until 2016 I will continue to drive to the mountains, do what I love to do and just pretend that I don't have to go back to NJ. And one day..I won't.


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## Wolf1974

Freak On a Leash said:


> "Time to go on an adventure"...That's my theme for 2016. It's not a dream..It's a PLAN. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not thinking about the day when I pack everything up and leave. 2016 is the year that both my kids are graduating. One from college. The other from high school and he wants to go into the military. And that's when I plan to pick up and move away.
> 
> I've always hated living where I live. Even before I got divorced, when I was just in a bad marriage, I always planned to leave. If anything, the divorce and living on my own has made me even more determined to leave New Jersey..because I now KNOW that I can do it...pick up and live on my own.
> 
> I live in probably the nicest part of New Jersey. This is the area that other people come TO visit. But for me, it's congested, expensive, clogged with people and traffic and 3 hours from all the places that I can do the things I love..hiking, skiing, kayaking, camping..the mountains. I live 2 miles from the beach and my dream is to live in the mountains. I hate sand, salt water and just about everything about this place except for the food. We have good food here.
> 
> I don't particularly like my job. It's stressful and dealing with the public irritates the hell out of me. The saving grace is that I'm my own boss but the customers drive me nuts. It's all I can do to hang on but I'm doing it..
> 
> For the next 2 years, just like the last 2 decades, I'm here for my kids. Right now I can support not only myself but them as well. I promised them that they would have a place to call home until they are on their own. But I've told them that I'm planning to leave once the diplomas are handed out. No way am I going to live out the rest of my life here in New Jersey. I want to go on an adventure.
> 
> So I'm going to find a job in a beautiful place where I can step outside and see mountains... not McMansions, highways or box stores. I don't need much to live. I'm a minimalist at heart. A room and a place to park my Jeep and I'm good.
> 
> I plan to sell everything, pack up the barest essentials and head out. The Rocky Mountains are my first choice. I'm not ruling out places like Alaska or even northern New England but I really want to head out west. Or maybe even Canada. Or overseas. I'm going to cast a wide net and see what I can find.
> 
> I have no family here. What friends I do have are acquaintances. I've always loved to travel, to wander and explore. I've done it for years, even when I was married. I've always felt tied down and was too scared to venture out when I was young. By the time I wanted to, I was married with kids.
> 
> Now I'm divorced and my kids will be on their own. It's my time now to live the life I've wanted to live but never had the courage to do so. But I do have to wait those 2 years. So until 2016 I will continue to drive to the mountains, do what I love to do and just pretend that I don't have to go back to NJ. And one day..I won't.



Colorado has some lovely areas if you come this way


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## Freak On a Leash

Fenix said:


> So, where are you thinking??
> 
> Here is a fun quiz for those who are playing with the idea of moving Find Your Spot | Find Your Spot


I've done it. My "spot" is the Rocky Mountains..Montana, Colorado, Alaska, Utah...they all came up. :smthumbup:



Wolf1974 said:


> Colorado has some lovely areas if you come this way


Top of the List! I'm a big skier, hiker, camper. In 1992 I drove all over Colorado. I wish I'd stayed. What's ironic is that the man I was going to marry and broke up with eventually wound up in Denver. He and I are still friends (he has since gotten married) and he is always telling me I should head out. There are a LOT of things about Colorado that appeal to me. 

Leadville, Colorado was one place that Findyourspot recommended that really sounds great. I will be SERIOUSLY looking two years from now. To look now would be silly because I definitely won't be going anywhere until summer, 2016 at the earliest. I have many things in mind as to what I want to do to earn a living. Nothing conventional, that's for sure!


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## Freak On a Leash

FeministInPink said:


> I am thinking about/planning to quit my job at the end of summer and backpack around Europe indefinitely.
> 
> When I come back, I might stay with my parents or my sister for a little while, work and save up a little more cash, and then road trip around the country, doing pretty much the same thing as in Europe. When the weather warms up, I might hit Canada, too. And I've always wanted to see Alaska, too. Maybe along the way, I'll find a place where I'd like to stay for a little longer, in which case I can rent a room until I decide it's time to move on. And maybe I'll find a place to permanently stay. Who knows?


This is someone who thinks like me. I'm taking up backpacking this spring. It will expand my options. I'm a big hiker/camper so why not combine the two? I've road tripped all up and down the eastern seaboard over the years..from the Gaspe Peninsula in Quebec down to the Florida Keys, out to the Rocky Mountains and back. But this time I don't plan to come back east. 

All I need is a room someplace..or a small trailer to pull around with my Jeep. I always tell my kids, "It's not what you make, it's what you spend". I have little debt as it is and in 2 years it will be paid off. Once I don't have to support my kids and pay $1500/month for a 2 bedroom townhouse apartment and all the utilities and living expenses I think I can do it if I get a job that will give me a living wage. I don't need much to live on.


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## FeministInPink

Freak On a Leash said:


> This is someone who thinks like me. I'm taking up backpacking this spring. It will expand my options. I'm a big hiker/camper so why not combine the two? I've road tripped all up and down the eastern seaboard over the years..from the Gaspe Peninsula in Quebec down to the Florida Keys, out to the Rocky Mountains and back. But this time I don't plan to come back east.
> 
> All I need is a room someplace..or a small trailer to pull around with my Jeep. I always tell my kids, "It's not what you make, it's what you spend". I have little debt as it is and in 2 years it will be paid off. Once I don't have to support my kids and pay $1500/month for a 2 bedroom townhouse apartment and all the utilities and living expenses I think I can do it if I get a job that will give me a living wage. I don't need much to live on.


Funny, I read your post further up the page (about leaving NJ), and I thought, this person thinks like me!

As far as I'm concerned, it's all about the mobility... and getting out of a job that is crushing my spirit, and stop paying through the nose for the privilege of living in DC, in an expensive part of DC. 

When all's said and done, I might come back to this area, because I do like it... but if I do, I'm going to live further out in VA where it's cheaper. If I'm not working in the city, it's not worth it to pay to live in the city.

But I'm itching to get out and see the world, now that there's nothing tying me down.


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## EnjoliWoman

North Carolina has mountains, skiing (although a short season), lots of camping places, lots of natural resources means inexpensive building materials... inexpensive living. Asheville is full of free spirits, artistry and folk music. TN just over the hillside in the other direction and a lot less snow shoveling and warm seasons than Alaska or any of the other places you listed!


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## Freak On a Leash

EnjoliWoman said:


> North Carolina has mountains, skiing (although a short season), lots of camping places, lots of natural resources means inexpensive building materials... inexpensive living. Asheville is full of free spirits, artistry and folk music. TN just over the hillside in the other direction and a lot less snow shoveling and warm seasons than Alaska or any of the other places you listed!


I have travelled all over North Carolina. I've driven the Blue Ridge Parkway about a dozen or more times. Been to Asheville quite a few times. Driven from the Outer Banks, through Tri Cities and the Piedmont area to Charlotte and Robbinsville. Driven the Tail of the Dragon in the Smokies in Tennessee and NC all the way up the Blue Ridge. If there's a twisty back road that I haven't been on in North Carolina and Virginia I'd like to know about it. 

Yes, it's a beautiful state and 10 years ago I might be looking at it but unfortunately if you ask someone from New Jersey/New York where they are planning to move to AFTER they leave here (and EVERYONE is planning to leave here at some point) the FIRST PLACE they say is "North Carolina". If not there, then it's Florida or South Carolina. 

I also know that your state is invaded during the spring and summer months by Floridians because I've been stuck behind their cars and RVS as they creep along the mountain roads. So you are getting it from not just us Yankees but from down in Florida too. :rofl:

My heart goes out to folks down there because 40 years ago New Jersey was a decent place to live. Then it got invaded from our neighbors to the north and they turned this state into the expensive, overcrowded, tax ridden cesspool of a nanny state that we have now. But once upon a time, it wasn't. It was actually a lot like North Carolina is now. 

Now it's your turn to suffer the same fate. No way am I heading south with the Northeast Horde.. Good luck to you on that! Your state is about turn to sh!t inside of 10 years. Maybe 20 if you are lucky. 

I've seen and experienced the east coast for the past 30 years. I want to try something different and new. A new part of the country. The west has a different lifestyle and way of thinking. The east coast mentality isn't to my liking except way up in northern New England. I've always wanted to go west, to the Rockies. This is my last chance to do this so that's where I'm going.

Also, I HATE heat and humidity and believe it or not...it's too hot and humid in NC in the summer. It rains too much too and you don't get enough snow in the winter. Believe it or not, I really like snow.

To be honest I'm not sure if I'm going to settle down in any ONE place. I like the idea of traveling around. I'm just going to have to see what happens, which will be half the fun!


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## Freak On a Leash

FeministInPink said:


> Funny, I read your post further up the page (about leaving NJ), and I thought, this person thinks like me!
> 
> As far as I'm concerned, it's all about the mobility... and getting out of a job that is crushing my spirit, and stop paying through the nose for the privilege of living in DC, in an expensive part of DC.
> 
> When all's said and done, I might come back to this area, because I do like it... but if I do, I'm going to live further out in VA where it's cheaper. If I'm not working in the city, it's not worth it to pay to live in the city.
> 
> But I'm itching to get out and see the world, now that there's nothing tying me down.


The western part of Virginia is quite nice. But it's very very different than around DC. It's like comparing New York City with upstate NY. Hard to believe that they are the same state!

I've seen quite a bit of my part of the world but want to see more. That's the plan! 

Actually there is no plan. People ask me where I want to go and I say "I don't know..I guess I'll know when I get there." 

Eventually I will probably settle down where my kids are. But that's awhile off. My daughter talks a lot like I do. Who knows?, we may go off and adventure together. We talk about it. 

Or may be not. She has to live her life, as does my son. I figure I have about 10 years to bum around and live it up. The key is to be debt free (nearly there) and cut down the expenses to the barest minimum. If I can get a job that sustains me I'll be good. 

The job I have now sustains me and my kids but it's killing me with stress and BS. All that is keeping me going is my responsibility towards my kids and knowing that I won't have to put up with it much longer. The tunnel's end is in the distance but the light is growing stronger. 

I will never, ever come back to NJ. I tell my kids that they had better get the hell out of here. My daughter has no desire to stay here and I only hope that my son doesn't do something stupid like stay with his father and get a dead end job. He's better than that. I guess we'll have to see. I can't live their lives for them.


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## stillhoping

I'm not making quite so drastic a change but I bought a new house on a pond! For the first time in my life, I made all the decisions about where to live. It's just the right size for me and the grand kids who are not far away


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## jack.c

well..... i was lucky enough to find out just before getting married, but since i was a total wreck i moved out...... THE NATION!
Yeah.... i lived in upper NY State, now i live in ITALY.
AND MY DREAM CAME TRUE! 
Wonderful marriege and 2 great kids (girl and boy)......
I've been out of the STATES from 1992.... never looked back!


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## Fenix

jack.c said:


> well..... i was lucky enough to find out just before getting married, but since i was a total wreck i moved out...... THE NATION!
> Yeah.... i lived in upper NY State, now i live in ITALY.
> AND MY DREAM CAME TRUE!
> Wonderful marriege and 2 great kids (girl and boy)......
> I've been out of the STATES from 1992.... never looked back!




Too funny!

I returned back to the US when I separated! I had been out 16 years. Happy, happy to be back, but who knows if I will stay!! :smthumbup:


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