# Marriage Help - Opposite Sex Friends Trouble



## KareemMontreal (Mar 30, 2014)

Hello All:

I have encountered an issue in my marriage and would like advice. 

We are both religious (I am personally very close to God) and prior to our committment, we made a vowe/promise to only have opposite sex friends for work, education and reglious purposes - and of course, avoiding one on one interactions outside these establishments and exchanging phone numbers.

A problem occured yesterday when we were both laying in bed together, ready to watch a movie.

She received a strange call from a man I have never seen or heard of before and she picked up the phone and began speaking to him, choosing to speak to him rather than spend the little time we have together before we get very busy with work/school. 

She begins speaking with him, laughing, smiling ...in her native language and of course, I can hear the man speaking in a 1-900 voice tone that us men only use on women we want/like (I use it on my wife when I am at work). 

This call goes on for 10-15 minutes, so I become very iritated and write on the laptop's notepad:
"What are you doing? I thought we made a promise? Why are you talking to another guy while you're in bed with your man?" 

She LAUGHS as it's a joke, continues to talk to this man and I continue getting more and more frustrated. It has been 20 minutes and I get so iritated, I leave the room and she continues for 10min+ and doesn't even care to follow me out. 

She tells me "it's just a friend" and brushes it off as it's nothing and does not tell me barely anything about him except for his location which is the exact location where she had mentioned at the beginning of her relationship with me that she "almost had a relationship with a guy from France". The entire scenario was shady as hell. 

I feel betrayed and disrespected ...I also feel this will lead to more and my trust for her has diminished since she broke our agreement.

I do not want to play detective in the relationship - will I have to now? It feels as if this will lead to infidelity down the road.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

she is not respecting your boundaries, the very same boundaries she

agreed both should have. find out who it was. don't confront.

next time she wants to cuddle.... ignore her

when she asks why....then bring it up

IF that # comes up on phone logs numerous times

best to gather the times and notice the pattern

hopefully it is nothing but she completely ignored you

and the agreement both of you made

it will occur as long as you allow it


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Discuss boundaries with her. Make her tell you everything about this guy (that is relevant of course) and her relationship with him. And how he got her number. 

Try to do this in a non confrontational way. Nice. Because what you need is for her to WANT to be honest with you, for her to WANT to allay your fears. And for her to feel as if you still trust her fully. If she does and says all the right things then all's good. If she doesn't then you don't want to alert her to your feelings of major suspicion. It looks like you may have to play detective here and alerting her will make the job almost impossible.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

She knows the rules. She agreed to them. She broke the rules so you let her know in a way she understands that you wont be disrespected by her in any way, shape or form and let her know that this was her fist, last and only warning. Make sure she understands that and stick to the rules. 

If she doesn't listen then you better start playing cop and find out what's going on but do not fold under the pressure.


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## KareemMontreal (Mar 30, 2014)

Thanks for your reply.

The problem with her phone is that she deletes all her SMS, WhatsApp, PhoneLog and E-Mail inbox/sent/trash history. 

I have snooped in her phone before and almost always, everything in English/French is deleted and the only items that are not are those of her native African language to her sister and in rare cases, several men/women I have never heard of before which she forgets to delete - there isn't even a translator website available for the language even if she did not delete her messages because the language is from a small unpopular African country.

How I know this is I see her talk to at least 7-8 people regularly, both men and women as she claims the men are her family members when I question it, but becomes slightly protective of her phone when I attempt to see profile pictures and details of the person. 

She claims to delete all the messages because of privacy reasons in-case she loses her phone, however she has the phone password protected. 

I was so repulsed by her disrespect and betrayal of our promise that I slept at my brother's home for a night to show her I am not happy with her. 

It seems that some of you are right and I may have to start playing detective. My previous relationship that completely annihilated me had a woman who used/lied/cheated/stole/betrayed and I had to play detective to catch her cheat ...I was hoping that I would never have to do this again.

Perhaps I should bug her phone with an app that sends me all the sms/whatsapp/call history and hire someone from craigslist/kijiji to translate her language for a month to see...

We are supposed to be moving in 2 months and guess what? Our new location is only 1 hour and 15 minutes from that man she is talking to ...currently it is too far at 7 hours.

We are moving to this new location for her to go to university (it's a high demand program) and start a family next year. I am leaving a well paying job for her which I cannot transfer to this new location and once we arrive at the new location, there is no guarantee I will find a job that pays this well (I got very lucky with this job - family referal) ...I don't want to get "burned" once we move there...

For the record, I'm 30 (Canadian-born) and she is 31 (African-born). 



Chuck71 said:


> she is not respecting your boundaries, the very same boundaries she
> 
> agreed both should have. find out who it was. don't confront.
> 
> ...


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

contact the cell company and get a print out

from her deleting calls, dude something is VERY fishy

she may just love the attention but that broke your trust

this attention could go from EA to PA in one call

time to put your detective hat on

I am so sorry you are having to do this

I do not own a cell, no calls, no text, no chit from g/f


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

KareemMontreal said:


> Thanks for your reply.
> 
> The problem with her phone is that she deletes all her SMS, WhatsApp, PhoneLog and E-Mail inbox/sent/trash history.
> 
> ...


 If it were me, I wouldn't be moving anywhere until this problem is solved. Your giving up a good job and in so many words. "flying blind" with her. You could lose at both things and that's bad. 

I wouldn't give up a good job knowing that she's hiding things from you. For ll you know, this thing could blow up in your face and your not only out of a relationship but employment.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

KareemMontreal said:


> This call goes on for 10-15 minutes, so I become very iritated and write on the laptop's notepad:
> "What are you doing? I thought we made a promise? Why are you talking to another guy while you're in bed with your man?"
> 
> She LAUGHS as it's a joke, continues to talk to this man and I continue getting more and more frustrated. It has been 20 minutes and I get so iritated, I leave the room and she continues for 10min+ and doesn't even care to follow me out.


How disrespectful of her!

You shouldn't have left the room.
If it were me and my H did that, I would grab the phone and hang up the call, telling him that if he did it once again things wouldn't be the same anymore!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

May I suggest you secretly learn her native tounge.

Play off the next incounter and then you can lists to what she is talking about.

BTW she is going to start hiding these conversation cuz you got so pissed off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KareemMontreal (Mar 30, 2014)

You are correct, I should of grabbed that phone and shut it off - I still can't get over the amount of disrespect. 



lovelygirl said:


> How disrespectful of her!
> 
> You shouldn't have left the room.
> If it were me and my H did that, I would grab the phone and hang up the call, telling him that if he did it once again things wouldn't be the same anymore!


That's exactly what I am fearing - that she will be extra secretive now with her communication and perhaps only talk to men when I am at work/groceries, etc. It puts me in a position where I am almost forced to play detective because when she apologised, she was slightly smirking - it was not sincere at all and I called her out on that. 

Regarding her native tongue, I will have to hire someone to decode the words because it is a difficult language to learn and it is so unpopular that even online lessons are very poor in content. 



the guy said:


> May I suggest you secretly learn her native tounge.
> 
> Play off the next incounter and then you can lists to what she is talking about.
> 
> ...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You have to protect your self from deceit so please do the detective work needed so you can confront this effectively. The info you gather will validate the direction you take this marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

I think you should set up some voice activated recorders in places she's likely to use the phone. Once you have some recordings of her having one of these conversations you can hire a translator to make a transcript.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Kareem-- Be careful. It's possible this guy is just a friend, but there are lots of red flags here.

1. She disrespected your wishes in conversing with this guy. This can seem a little controlling by you but I will disregard since other flags are there, you asked her to stop. She gave you the "just friends" excuse. Married couples have friends as couples. If you don't approve she should respect your wishes.

2. Deleting all her history is a terrible red flag.

3. She is lying to you, citing privacy concerns. Does she text out credit card and social insurance numbers? Come on.

4. Conversing in different language in front of you to me is disrespectful. How long has she known this guy? Where did she meet him? 

5. Convenient that you all are moving to the city where this guy lives.

6. How did you two meet? Did you marry her and then she moved to Canada? Was it prearranged? 

7. Now you have to give up your well paying job and move half way across the country.

8. She is going to be a student. Huge red flag. She is going to be with a roomful of 20-something single guys with their hormones raging. There is another recent thread on here about a married college student who went to a frat party, got drunk and did the deed. A college campus is the LAST place I want my young wife to be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You can't trust her to respect your time together, to honor you commitment to avoid opposite sex friendships, to be open and transparent and to defer to you when it is so simple to do for one you love. 

Yet you intend to quite a good job, move with no prospects of a new job, all for her to go to university.

You are sacrificing and investing a great deal in this relationship. Is she giving as much? Is she worth the steep cost? How well do you know her? 

Cross-cultural relationships are very difficult. Do you know her well enough to take so much risk and make such an investment. Is she investing and risking as much? If not then there is an inequity in the relationship.

If things don't work out, you will have given up a good job, and moved for no reason. She losses nothing but gains a university education with your support. 

My advice is to put off the plans to move for now and reassess where you are and what you want for your future. You will be entirely at her mercy if you move for her. She is secretive now, but just wait till she is around people at the university. 

Work on your marriage. Full transparency, and disclosure. Equal sacrifices for the future. Under no circumstances have a child till or if you know her well.

You may decide that she is not a woman you want for a wife and the mother of your children. Don't rush. If she can't wait then you have your answer. The "we" in your relationship is less important than the "I".


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

I say kudos to her for being so stupid as to out herself in front of you...

Some waywards are just so arrogant they can't keep their own secrets quiet.

At least you know.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

What is your wife's native language?


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Wait a second. Why are you leaving a well paid job to go with her? In this times of austerity is it wise to be giving up on good guaranteed income for what?

It sounds like you're an honorable guy who does right by his woman, I'd be concerned because essentially you tried to "nice" your concerns and still she didn't bite, in fact in the UK we say she fobbed you off.

Sleeping at your brothers house and storming out the room is all fine and dandy, but she knows you like the back of her hand. It's very simple..

You ask who he is and what he is to her. You ask her for her phone right at that moment..anything less than total compliance and honesty and you tell you you're not going anywhere

There is never any budge room for disrespect, you nip it in the bud and get treated how you treat people in return.


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## KareemMontreal (Mar 30, 2014)

I was planning to download an un-tracable Android application to her phone and monitor everything remotely. The price for this is around 40$/mo and it records calls, call history, whatsapp, text and I can access it from a computer ...so I was thinking this was the best method, thereafter I can copy the African language into an email and hire someone to decode it that lives in a different state/province. I just wish I could find someone who has used this method before because I want results.



Nucking Futs said:


> I think you should set up some voice activated recorders in places she's likely to use the phone. Once you have some recordings of her having one of these conversations you can hire a translator to make a transcript.


She says she met the guy during a trip to visit her friend, but this is the same guy that she says attempted to "drag" her, which in English means to have a one night stand/friends with benefits. 

I met her at my old workplace and she has been in Canada for 1 year. We had spoken at work and she seemed like a nice church girl with good values, claiming to be a virgin as well (however I saw no traces of blood during our first time - this was a red flag for me until I read the statistics of this happening which put me in some ease). She is going to be 32 this year. 

The move is about 5hrs45min away from my present location and the man that she was speaking to lives 7hrs, so 1hr15min difference, which makes it incredibly easier to meet. 

This is one of two universities that accepted her - it's a moderate city (the other is far deep into the north with -40c temps and I was opposed to it originally). The college thing is unavoidable because all she has is her education from back home which is invalid in Canada.

How am I going to tackle this? Play detective for weeks, months, years? Is that android app I suggested the best option? I can also use a keylogger and a voice recorder hidden in the bedroom as a backup?



PhillyGuy13 said:


> Kareem-- Be careful. It's possible this guy is just a friend, but there are lots of red flags here.
> 
> 1. She disrespected your wishes in conversing with this guy. This can seem a little controlling by you but I will disregard since other flags are there, you asked her to stop. She gave you the "just friends" excuse. Married couples have friends as couples. If you don't approve she should respect your wishes.
> 
> ...


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## KareemMontreal (Mar 30, 2014)

Kurundi is her native language (country - Burundi), secondary is French which we both speak regularly. 



verpin zal said:


> What is your wife's native language?


I'm leaving my well paid job because in my mind, I believe in true love and I want more than anything to have a loving wife/kids and begin a family (I am an orphan who has 'made it', so family/love is incredibly important to me). 

I will be more firm if a situation presents itself in the future, however I dislike that I have to alter who I am and my personility to maintain a relationship. I am a loving, nice, honest, carying guy who is outgoing and good looking. I don't want to be an a$$hole/jerk who can't be who he is because she is making me alter who I am. Perhaps that is my weakness ...kindness. 

I appreciate your input as I do with everyone else's comments.



BobSimmons said:


> Wait a second. Why are you leaving a well paid job to go with her? In this times of austerity is it wise to be giving up on good guaranteed income for what?
> 
> It sounds like you're an honorable guy who does right by his woman, I'd be concerned because essentially you tried to "nice" your concerns and still she didn't bite, in fact in the UK we say she fobbed you off.
> 
> ...


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

The Android app sounds PERFECT. I have no experience with androids, but others on here may.

Just so I am clear. The guy she was talking to is the same guy that tried to have a one night stand with her? 

And then she was on the phone with him, laughing with him, in front of you? 

And now we are all moving to a new area to go to school, within an hour or so of this guy?

Dude, Hell. No. Send her to the other school at the North Pole. She can intern for Santa.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> The Android app sounds PERFECT. I have no experience with androids, but others on here may.
> 
> Just so I am clear. The guy she was talking to is the same guy that tried to have a one night stand with her?
> 
> ...


I hope you think twice before leaving a good job for a woman that has zero respect for you.
Just my 2 cents.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

What I am going to ask about here is going to sound disrespectful, but that is not my intent so I apologize ahead of time.

Did your wife obtain Canadian citizenship when she married you? Was she looking for permanent residency in the West?

She married you, a devout religious man, soon after meeting. You have a great, well paying job.

Now you need to quit that job, move to a city seven hours away so she can attend university there.

Where, conveniently enough, is another young man, from her same country of origin an hour from that university.

A young man that speaks the same rare language that she does. The same man that wanted to have a one night stand with her.

Did they know each other back in Africa? Were they an item? Now. They have both managed to move to Canada, she has her meal ticket, and now they are looking to get back together here in the Western world.

Am I COMPLETELY Off-base?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

From what I read, Canada has lots of good universities. Why did she have to choose one so far away?

Sounds as if you two once had a very comprehensive discussion about third parties in your marriage. Who brought this up? And who suggested the boundaries?

I'm with everyone else. Don't quit a good job just so that she can get a degree. It will create a weird and ironic dynamic. On the one hand, while you say you are doing it for her, she is going to miss having a partner who is a good provider. Which will then motivate her to find someone else.

Whos is paying the tuition here? And if she is on scholarship, who is paying for the extras (very few scholarships will cover EVERYTHING, even when they called "full rides.") If she is using debt to finance her education, as her spouse, that will become your debt as well.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Kareem-- Be careful. It's possible this guy is just a friend


 I agree with everything else, but this part because of her actions. Even if it is a friend, they can be almost as detrimental to a marriage/relationship as an affair.when he walked out.


> I'm leaving my well paid job because in my mind, I believe in true love and I want more than anything to have a loving wife/kids and begin a family (I am an orphan who has 'made it', so family/love is incredibly important to me).


Yes, well I believe "true love" can be one-sided and can add some very dangerous blinders to one party in a marriage. If any of the guys my wife works with, talked to or knew told her they wanted to have sex and they remained "good friends," the marriage would be over. 

Seriously, go see a counselor about your attachment issues.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Think twice about your move. This is a signal of the type of person she could be and how your marriage can turn upside-down in a near future.

READ THE SIGNS!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

You have been given top tier advice.... while you are collecting the data

play dumb but observe her actions, pay attention to what she does, NOT what

she says. lay the trap....the guilty will walk right into it every time.

i hope you stay and keep your job and wave goodbye as SHE moves away


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Chuck71 said:


> start a separate post and you will get A1 advice


That user is trying to post links to another site in all his/her one line posts, but it's blocked. Don't think they're actually looking for help. 

C


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

Men are friends with MARRIED women for ONE reason...and if the married woman is TOO stupid to realize she is a mark, then there are other issues besides her boundries

there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule, but this rule is pretty close to the almost always position...


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

KareemMontreal said:


> Thanks for your reply.
> 
> The problem with her phone is that she deletes all her SMS, WhatsApp, PhoneLog and E-Mail inbox/sent/trash history.
> 
> ...




Stop the move. Don't quit your job for her unless you have equal/better opportunities.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

KareemMontreal said:


> The problem with her phone is that she deletes all her SMS, WhatsApp, PhoneLog and E-Mail inbox/sent/trash history.
> 
> I have snooped in her phone before and almost always, everything in English/French is deleted and the only items that are not are those of her native African language to her sister and in rare cases, several men/women I have never heard of before which she forgets to delete - there isn't even a translator website available for the language even if she did not delete her messages because the language is from a small unpopular African country.
> 
> ...


Kareem, :redcard::redcard::redcard:

You snooped in her phone previously. Why? 

In a healthy marriage, husbands and wives know each others friends. She talks to 7-8 people regularly. How come you don't know them. She says the men are family members. . . which family members exactly? And she doesn't want you to see their profile pictures and details of them???

It is NEVER good when a spouse is protective of her phone, deletes everything (except the ones in a language you don't understand in this case) and has a lock on it. 

And talking for a half hour knowing you were upset she tells you he is just a friend? That's disgraceful for a spouse to say whether or not you had made vows to each other about opposite sex friends. 

You snooped before so something she was doing wasn't sitting right with you. Your wife is making you feel upset, uneasy, and insecure. I would feel the same. She also has an arrogant attitude which doesn't have much to do with love. 

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT INSTINCT. 

What to do? Go completely dark. Act totally normal. Pretend to be happy and carefree. Make her think you have forgotten about it. 

Then snoop, any which way you can, however you can. VAR her car and your home so you can record while you are shopping, keylogger, those Android apps you spoke of. Try and see her phone bills. Here's an information gathering thread:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/50563-anyone-interested-evidence-gathering-thread.html Check out Weightlifter for VAR advice. Check out John1068 for other tech help. 
Gather your evidence. 
Then come back here for advice on how to confront. 

Even if she's innocent she's throwing back everything in your face that you spoke about re opposite sex friends prior to marriage. 
You don't know who the friends she is talking to are which is unacceptable in marriage and for good reason too. 
She told you some guy she talked to for a half hour was just a friend???
She laughed when you got upset?
Sorry she sounds arrogant and cruel and seems to be getting her own way in everything.
She wants you to give up a great job but she's going to study? Impractical. How will she cope if you get a much worse job? And you mentioned having a baby? Once you have a baby you will need a good income, a very good one since she may not be able to work for a while and heck she's going to be a student. 

I would rethink the move. She will just have to find a college where you live. 

Kareem, you don't deserve this. Have you talked to your brother? What does he think of her? What does he think of your move?

Anyway first things first - go snoop and I'm so sorry, especially since you are an orphan made good who desperately wants his own family. This is not the kind of family you deserve. 
*Your wife should be your best friend in the whole world - remember that. *


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Kareem the relationship won't fix itself...


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Kareem any update? Have you talked to your wife?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KareemMontreal (Mar 30, 2014)

Sorry about the late reply - I was under the weather. 

She had Canadian citizenship when we met, however the marriage sealed the Canadian password which would of taken an additional 2 years. She was already living in Canada during the time we met. 

I do not believe they know eachother back in Africa, however she seems to have the majority of her friends from that particular country and its surrounding countries (languages: French / Kurundi / Swahili). She claims they were never an item, just that he asked her to be friends with benefits and she apparently declined ...strange that she still accepts calls from him when she's MARRIED ....

You are not off base at all - it is a very valid question because people from African and other poorer nations use Western men/women for marriage and dump them for someone from their own country once they have all papers, so it's valid 



PhillyGuy13 said:


> What I am going to ask about here is going to sound disrespectful, but that is not my intent so I apologize ahead of time.
> 
> Did your wife obtain Canadian citizenship when she married you? Was she looking for permanent residency in the West?
> 
> ...


She claims to have applied at a few universities and was accepted into two. One is far into the north in an isolated part of Canada with high unemployment which I am very against and the other, which we were intenting on going is in Canada's capital ...however much closer to this 'friend'. 

I brought up the boundaries and she was opposed originally, but I wouldn't budge on the subjects and was firm until we both made the promise. 

The tuition is going to be done through OSAP, which is a government loan agency. 



NextTimeAround said:


> From what I read, Canada has lots of good universities. Why did she have to choose one so far away?
> 
> Sounds as if you two once had a very comprehensive discussion about third parties in your marriage. Who brought this up? And who suggested the boundaries?
> 
> ...


Exactly! That is the only reason. They slither their ways into the relationship and play one side against the other until their goal is achieved (sleeping with your partner). I am totally opposed to it! 



missthelove2013 said:


> Men are friends with MARRIED women for ONE reason...and if the married woman is TOO stupid to realize she is a mark, then there are other issues besides her boundries
> 
> there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule, but this rule is pretty close to the almost always position...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

KareemMontreal said:


> Kurundi is her native language (country - Burundi), secondary is French which we both speak regularly.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


That's Kirundi, right? (U is next to i!) Rapidly Learn Kirundi - Kirundi Language Software | 2SpeakLanguages


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## KareemMontreal (Mar 30, 2014)

I snooped on her phone because I noticed that she was being slightly more secretive with it. In addition, I would hover over her shoulder often times and saw she was talking to guys on WhatsApp, however when I checked the phone, all the messages were deleted. This issue has also happened on the FaceBook Message app, where all convo's have been deleted except for those with her brother. 

I have decided to go completely dark and I am playing it along like everything is good and that I am happy. I will continue to de detective work because I know something is wrong - my gut is even warning me something is wrong. 

She keeps bringing up a baby, but the more I think about it, the more of a trap it feels I will be in - especially with her beginning university in September.



********** said:


> Kareem, :redcard::redcard::redcard:
> 
> You snooped in her phone previously. Why?
> 
> ...


I have talked to her extensively and she told me she apologizes / is sorry multiple times, has hugged and attempted to comfort me claiming she will never do that again and never pick up a phone call from other man. I told her that the next time she breaks a promise, the relationship may be over. She believes I over reacted, but then I spent a couple hours Googling articles about the dangers of opposite sex friends in marriages and read them to her. After we were done, she says "you are right, I should of never picked up that phone call".

*There have been a few sketchy issues since this even, my friends. *

Yesterday we were looking at clothes online and she was shopping for highly revealing dresses that show LOTS of skin and she wanted to order a few of these dresses FOR SCHOOL once her September '14 semester starts. 

I was like "WTF? Why would you wear this to SCHOOL if you're married? It's telling all men around you that you do not respect your husband and that you are available. You will have line ups of guys trying to sleep with you. School is about studying, not showing off your skin. "

She argued with me that I am acting like a strict religious husband who tries to control his wife. I told her that I didn't want my wife dressing like that and we calmy argued for at least an hour until she agreed that she would change her wardrobe for me and only wear these sexy dresses for me, her husband. A complete disregard for her husband. In addition, I recently picked up her dry cleaning and she had a yellow dress that is VERY revealing that she had hemed to show even more legs ...she told me that dress was intented for school.

I know in her heard she is pissed that she doesn't get to dress this way at school. There's no way I'm allowing my wife to dress like a borderline prostitude or a single club girl at university. She's 31 years old - WTF, she should know better and be more mature thant that as this attitude is expected by an 18-22 year old wife. 

Besides that, I have played it cool and check her phone almost every day when she's in the shower, but I notice a lot of items are deleted. 

She recently got a job since my thread at a hotel and replies to my messages maybe once a shift, claiming she has no breaks or limited breaks during an entire 8 hour shift. In addition, her WhatsApp tells me her 'last seen' and her online status and I see it up at least every hour. I brought it up, but she denies it. 

I am very close to instlaling the Android spy app because I HAVE to know. I HAVE to catch what she's deleting. It's eating me up inside from the time I wake up to the time I sleep. I can tell she's deleting her phone logs I will update the thread as I find addition information with the android spy app results in the near future. 



PhillyGuy13 said:


> Kareem any update? Have you talked to your wife?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you for all your help everyone here - very grateful to have mature/knowledgable responses.


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## KareemMontreal (Mar 30, 2014)

Cheers Matt - great find! I apprecaite it. :smthumbup:



MattMatt said:


> That's Kirundi, right? (U is next to i!) Rapidly Learn Kirundi - Kirundi Language Software | 2SpeakLanguages


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

KareemMontreal said:


> I snooped on her phone because I noticed that she was being slightly more secretive with it. In addition, I would hover over her shoulder often times and saw she was talking to guys on WhatsApp, however when I checked the phone, all the messages were deleted. This issue has also happened on the FaceBook Message app, where all convo's have been deleted except for those with her brother.
> 
> I have decided to go completely dark and I am playing it along like everything is good and that I am happy. I will continue to de detective work because I know something is wrong - my gut is even warning me something is wrong.
> 
> ...


She's making up excuses to avoid you and this whole situation. Don't believe a word she says from now on. 
And yeah, revealing her skin at school is code for "Look at me, I need attention outside marriage...". 
Things don't sound good, OP. Forget about moving out and the baby for a while.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Ok I've been out of college a long time. 

I don't remember women wearing dresses to class. Sexy or otherwise. Jeans and sweats.

Isn't it cold in Canada, especially in the winter?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

How is she going to raise a baby and go to class at the same time?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Ok I've been out of college a long time.
> 
> I don't remember women wearing dresses to class. Sexy or otherwise. Jeans and sweats.
> 
> Isn't it cold in Canada, especially in the winter?


That depends on why they're going to class. If they're just going for the education they're going to dress comfortably, but if they're going to meet guys they're going to dress sexy.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

KareemMontreal said:


> Kurundi is her native language (country - Burundi), secondary is French which we both speak regularly.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


My friend you believe in true love, good for you but why then has true love brought you here?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having values. You list some tenets which paint a man of integrity, but again why as a man of value are you allowing yours to be compromised?

Would a man who believes absolutely in the rule of law allow his friend to steal from him and not say anything?

Why is it being a jerk when you refuse to be treated disrespectfully and expect people to treat you the way you treat them?

You see dude, you can tell me you're a man who believes in pink unicorns but none of that matters because in essence she's using your own tenets against you, and you just sit there quietly getting angrier and angrier. You tried to state your case and it gets thrown back in your face..and guess what..you get to pay for everything.

A nice guy will always say, I'm taking the moral high ground, I believe in my values and the ability to trust in others even when they run rough shot over me..then guys are surprised when their partners actually cheat!


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

If she was smirking while she was apologizing, you should leave her. Go bang some younger girl you meet at a bar and send her divorce papers.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)




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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)




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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> After we were done, she says "you are right, I should of never picked up that phone call".


Sounds like something that was said to shut you up. Showing someone articles on why what they are doing is wrong never works. With a simple google search I can show you articles with the exactly opposite view.

Even the thing about the dresses. She just told you that to end the argument and shut you up. When was the last time someone convinced you or changed your opinion through an argument.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

DarkHoly said:


> If she was smirking while she was apologizing, you should leave her. Go bang some younger girl you meet at a bar and send her divorce papers.


No, go bang some hot older woman and remind her that her youth isn't that much of an advantage (and it is a depreciating asset.......)


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Nucking Futs said:


> That depends on why they're going to class. If they're just going for the education they're going to dress comfortably, but if they're going to meet guys they're going to dress sexy.


I thought some tight jeans and a tight sweater got y'all hard as well.


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## fishfast41 (Dec 12, 2010)

This one is pretty obvious and simple. hmmm great job vs. disrespectful,obviously cheating wife.


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## fishfast41 (Dec 12, 2010)

wonder which one i would pick


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