# another thread about BJ's



## gemjo (Aug 24, 2012)

Would love some advice on this...

Do all men enjoy BJ's ? My H seems to enjoy but in twenty years has only 'finished' this way maybe twice.

without going into detail i have reason to believe it isn't my technique.....

when he cheated on me it was for a BJ (it lasted a couple of minutes before he came to his senses and left) He didn't finish....and to my knowledge, and he swears on my childrens lives that was one and only cheat.

I feel like he has some big hang up about me giving him a BJ's or BJ's in general...even worse since he cheated as now when i am doing the business he loses his erection. We talked about this recently and he said he feels bad and thinks i don't want to be doing it really (I wouldn't if i didn't) and because he cheated this way he loses his erection.

He seems to want it, be enjoying it, but then its almost as if thoughts get in the way and ..... mr perky isn't so perky.

I would put this down to guilt because of the way in which he cheated, but in the past he never finished this way either, so i'm confused.

Have to admit, we have a lot of kids and when they were younger and lives were busy, quick sex was all he got....BJ's didn't get a look in. 

Any ideas?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

There's something in the back of his head making him think that you're not really into it. Or that you're not really into him finishing. A lot of guys need to be told that you want him to finish and that you want to be doing it. And they have to be told in a way that they'll believe it.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

gemjo said:


> without going into detail i have reason to believe it isn't my technique.....


Start believing it. Technique can make all the difference in the world, I've been with enough women to know this. Especially if I've been drinking and orgasm is a bit of a stretch.. the gf I've got now knows just how to step it up and get me there. Others would have failed. Enthusiasm helps too. 



gemjo said:


> when he cheated on me it was for a BJ (it lasted a couple of minutes before he came to his senses and left) He didn't finish....and to my knowledge, and he swears on my childrens lives that was one and only cheat.


Forget what he swears. Cheaters lie. You can't believe what he tells you no matter how vehomently he denies. Assume you got partial truth only. I doubt the affair has anything to do with the problem. 



gemjo said:


> We talked about this recently and he said he feels bad and thinks i don't want to be doing it really (I wouldn't if i didn't) and because he cheated this way he loses his erection.


If you're into it and enthusiastic, you know it. If you're not, then he's right, if you are, then he's blame shifting the problem to you and using the affair as an excuse. Could be he's just not that into you, and like I said could be technique related despite your belief to the contrary.



gemjo said:


> in the past he never finished this way either


Then it's not the affair. Some guys get hungup on the idea of spilling into a woman's mouth. I look forward to it but I've found with new women, the first time, it's a bit hard to let it go. I think some guys just never get over that.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My hubby is ambiguous about blow jobs as well. He has never really seemed to enjoy them, yet he got one from a hooker while he was cheating on me. Go figure.

He's told me a couple of times that he has a problem 'finishing' because it's something that he thinks of as 'porn'ish, and he doesn't think of me and porn together ??? if that makes any sense. He also said, after D day, that he had never had a 'good' blow job, including any I had ever given him. But I have been working lately on trying to get him to enjoy it more with me, and so far he does seem to be


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

gemjo said:


> BJ's didn't get a look in.


If by this you mean there were not many BJs over the past 20 years (not sure I'm reading it right) the I'd suggest practice, practice and more practice.  Seriously, I speak from experience. And see below:



Hope1964 said:


> But I have been working lately on trying to get him to enjoy it more with me, and so far he does seem to be


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

I love them. 

You have to be enthusiastic, act like YOU crave it as much as he does. My wife is *passionate* about giving head and usually lets me finish in her mouth unless I wear her out. I love this. She also taught me to lay back and let her do most of the work, lots of surprises when I do that. She sometimes keeps me in her mouth while she finishes herself which can get me ready for round two, a miracle at my age. She's also surprised me by dropping to her knees at unexpected times.

my ex was very uninspired, just laid there and I did all the work. it was like using a plastic doll (i just assume, never tried one, plastic doll may have been better!) She never varied anything, and i only got one on my birthday. 

Ex GFs were different, the most memorable were enthusiastic and savoring swallowers. Some seemed to bite right before I finish, when they said i got bigger around. That is a real drag.

*Deep throat* is great if you can manage; only my wife can do that. being deep when you finish is one of the most exciting things to experience, and in terms of swallowing, "it" it is gone before it's an issue.

*The only bjs I didn't like* were the unenthusiastic ones, and those who enthusiastically spit.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So are you guys saying it's impossible that there exists a human male anywhere who actually does NOT enjoy blow jobs? It just HAS to be OUR technique?

I agree that the vast majority of guys are going to like them. And my hubby certainly does seem to enjoy my improved technique. And of course there are women whose technique sucks (pun intended). 

I do find it hard to believe that *every single guy* enjoys them though. But maybe I'm wrong. That has happened before


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> It just HAS to be OUR technique?


No, it could also be in his mind. That's why I recommend lots of practice, good for his mind and your technique.  Again seriously, we never did it much, I was bad at getting and she at giving, we made a concerted effort to change.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I have been with a few men who were not able to finish by oral. I dont think it means that it isnt being enjoyed, its just how their bodies react. (or dont react)


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

my god some guys have all the luck


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Why not get him close with a HJ and finish him off with Oral or have intercourse and he can get close and move to oral.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Ex I think was semi-desensitized. He could never finish that way. I had to give a HJ. And sex took FOREVER. He was always so proud of how long he lasted but I'd dry up and get sore and bored. 10 minutes is perfect. 30 - NO WAY.

I was worried about technique... except boyfriend had no trouble finishing, tho I think I could have done better but it was the first time. I was enthusiastic  points for me! So it made me feel good that he was able to.

So maybe he just isn't super-sensitive... I've heard that circumcised mens' penises aren't as sensitive as uncut. I've never had any experience with that, though.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

This is just my opinion........ but if your man can't finish from a blow job most likely your skills are lacking.

there are a few exceptions but not many!


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> I have been with a few men who were not able to finish by oral. I dont think it means that it isnt being enjoyed, its just how their bodies react. (or dont react)


100% Agree....everyone is unique and likes/prefers different things.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I can finish orally but I prefer not to and rarely do. I love receiving a blow job but I also love intercourse. If I finish in her mouth then intercourse is out of the question for that session. 

I absolutely love getting rock hard and super excited from oral than having sex with her. When I orgasm inside her I can thrust hard and deep. With oral I have to restrain myself as I don't want to suffocate her. For that reason I prefer finishing vaginally.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

As another point of interest/advice.....child abuse. I don't know your situation and when it comes to sex or sexual acts it is hard to make generalization because of personal preference....but 1 in 3 boys are sexually abused (this is a huge number) Many have been abused only in some sort of oral fashion (giving and/or receiving oral sex). If this happens to be in your husband's background, he may completely enjoy what you are doing to him but mentally when he is about to climax he equates this as assault, dominance and abuse of power. (and a whole host of other things). Very few men come forward as abuse victims and receive the help they need and many don't have the skills to tell their significant others and cope with their shame....They simply choose not to. 
Are there other things that you question about with your H? It may be worth a questioning probe, but be very careful about your approach.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My GF was my first partner that really wanted me to finish this way, and we had issues to begin with. Like you, I have no reason to believe it was her technique. . In my case, I think my mind has a tendency to "wander" when getting a BJ because its a much for passive role for the guy. I also get a large amount of my sexual arousal from HER pleasure. 

What we did was make finishing by BJ a more focused effort. I started by getting myself close to orgasm through intercourse, and then finishing with a BJ. Then just trying to not get myself quite as close. And so on... You can also try other positions or use mirrors so he can be visually stimulated (instead of looking at the top of your head). If you're ok with it, you could also give him a BJ while he's watching porn; use a home movie of the two of you if you prefer. 

Just some thoughts...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

My wife has NEVER given me a BJ to completion. I've told her what feels good, what doesn't, do this, do that... nothing.

Having said that, I love watching her work on me. She looks like she enjoys it and I'm very visual and it's like watching my very own porn movie, with "Senesurround"


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

gemjo said:


> ...I feel like he has some big hang up about me giving him a BJ's or BJ's in general...even worse since he cheated as now when i am doing the business he loses his erection. We talked about this recently and he said he feels bad and thinks i don't want to be doing it really (I wouldn't if i didn't) and because he cheated this way he loses his erection.
> 
> He seems to want it, be enjoying it, but then its almost as if thoughts get in the way and ..... mr perky isn't so perky.
> ?


I have to say - I am very aware of my wifes... uhm... feelings in this as I percieve them. If I feel that she is only doing this to please me, I am not very excited about it. When I sense that she she is into it, in fact horny and worked up - there are few things that get me more fired up.

Im inclined to take him at his word if he went so far as to actually say it out loud. You could reply that it makes you excited to see him get get excited too. 

Let me ask you... _are_ you doing this 'because he cheated', or rather as a result of it? Men may not be the empaths that women are made out to be, but situationally.... I can see this. This is a recent change and it wasnt always like this right? (** edit.. I see now you say he never finished this way **)

The subtle things my wife does when I can she is seriously getting down... the little moans, the irregular breathing, the way she may take charge or even start playing with herself a bit or move into a 69.

I guess my only advice is to keep at it if he is so inclined. 

I mean wow... I dont know many guys that would turn down an offer to 'practice' this sort of thing until you both get it right if done in a loving, sharing, trusting, 'sit back honey and let me make you happy' kind of way.

As an analogue - it took my wife *years* to enjoy this. It was something I never asked for.. though I admit craved once in a while. She would do very occasionally (couple times a year?) and always finish me and swallow but I always had to be on my back and she had to be in charge and I know she was only doing it for me. I found out much later she had a bad experience in college where a guy pretty much forced her into oral sex and it took her a long time to get over that.. it was very traumatic for her. I mean we have a very good relationship and she didnt get past it for 10 years. Now - she very much enjoys it as do I, but I can see where variables you dont realize may be in play - things he may not have the courage to communicate or frankly, the full understanding of himself.

Take is slow. Complete trust is important for everyone.


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## farside (Oct 27, 2012)

gemjo said:


> Would love some advice on this...
> 
> Do all men enjoy BJ's ? My H seems to enjoy but in twenty years has only 'finished' this way maybe twice.
> 
> ...


I have never been a fan of a BJ. My wife has done it, but I don't like the sensation or hygiene of it.


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## Randy52 (Oct 15, 2011)

As someone who absolutely loves receiving BJ's, I cannot imagine any guy who would not enjoy it. While some have been better than others, I have never received a bad one. Fortunately, for me, my DW has developed a very effective technique over the years and genuinely enjoys using it.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Randy52 said:


> As someone who absolutely loves receiving BJ's, I cannot imagine any guy who would not enjoy it.


Any guy who doesn't like BJs either 1- hasn't had the experience of being with a woman who a) was into it and b) knew how to do it and/or they've got some sort of mental/emotional hangup about having a mouth on their penis.

It's really that simple.

BJs rock.

I'd take a BJ over any other sex act any day of the week.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

I know of one guy who says he'd rather have vaginal sex and doesn't much care for bj's, but I think he's the only one I've ever met who said so. 

If you want to do this for him, I'd recommend the following...you may just rock his world:

Look up on technique on youtube or the internet. Videos. They're out there. Then practice on a dildo or something else. 

Then, try some of those techniques. If he can get off with a handjob, alternate some oral with hand action. Concentrate on hand action so he doesn't run into his mental block. When he's really ready and on the verge of orgasm or starting his orgasm, put him in your mouth and enthusiastically, with hand and mouth, finish him off. If he's got a mental block about it, doing that a couple times may just get him over it, and as I said, rock his world.

And technique can have a lot to do with it. My w gives a great bj. But it can take a little while sometimes. On the other hand I had a gf once who could do things that I can't even really describe, because I'm not sure exactly what she was doing. She could often get me off in a minute or less if I was in the right mood. And, I've had others where nothing they did was going to get me to finish. 

Enthusiasm and some technique. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

gemjo said:


> Do all men enjoy BJ's ? My H seems to enjoy but in twenty years has only 'finished' this way maybe twice.


Not finishing on a blow job doesn't mean a man doesn't enjoy it.

That's like suggesting that if a woman can't orgasm from vaginal penetration it must mean she doesn't enjoy vaginal sex.

Some men just can't come easily from a BJ alone as they need more pressure to ejaculate.


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## Randy52 (Oct 15, 2011)

Besides technique, being unable to "finish" during a bj could be a matter of his past experiences. He may have been in relationships where he knew that the giver did NOT want him to "finish" that way and he conditioned himself to NOT "finish." Please don't let this deter you....be persistent....keep trying!!


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

gemjo said:


> Do all men enjoy BJ's ? My H seems to enjoy but in twenty years has only 'finished' this way maybe twice.


I love BJ's. To me it means that my partner truly trusts me and is into me by taking me in her mouth. 




chillymorn said:


> This is just my opinion........ but if your man can't finish from a blow job most likely your skills are lacking.


:iagree: This. A good attitude plus a little skill can be mind blowing.

The problem I have with BJ's is that a lot of times the mouth is soft and there is not enough friction. The warmth and movement are enough to keep me hard but the friction on the glands is not enough to keep me moving to orgasm. This is where position and use of a hand makes all the difference in the world. It may seem a little porn like to stroke the shaft and suck at the same time, but I bet your husband would get off with the extra stimulation. Different positions also seem to change the angles and can add or detract from the friction level. I have found having my partner on their knees in front of me provides the best sensation/friction while me laying down not the best. Something else to try.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

C3156 said:


> I love BJ's. To me it means that my partner truly trusts me and is into me by taking me in her mouth.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Also try, while he is in your mouth, using your tongue firmly on him (the mid part of your tongue. Like you're just pressing your tongue up and against the roof of your mouth), against the underside of his penis head. Press it against that spot somewhat firmly, then draw it back as you're doing so, almost in a swallowing motion. Keep repeating that motion. You don't even have to be moving him in and out of your mouth as you're doing so (but bonus points if you can ). Almost guaranteed to drive him nuts. 

Personally I prefer that and complete "hands off" the penis during a bj. Mouth only. What a sensation (and visual)!!! Nothing better than a woman running hands over your body or grabbing your azz with both hands while giving a bj! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

what happens is 1st the guy gets aroused, YEAH about to get a BJ. then it get's going and he is "aware" that you are just trying to please him (i.e. it's work for you, a favor, pity sex...whatever)then one of two or noth things happen A It's a huge turnoff when it's them doing you a favor or whatever. B you start trying to think of something/one sexy in your mind and you realize thats wrong etc. end of BJ. either way if a guys brain is thinking about anything other than that sex in front of him he is in trouble.

I would also agree some could be technique

1 ENTHUSIASM-when you get good at it maybe you'll like it
2 don't be afraid to go deep
3 use your hands and mouth
4 finish with him in deep

My wife is AWESOME at bj's....but if she's just doing it so i'll leave her alone for sex it's a huge turnoff.


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