# I'm just..fed up.



## momto3kitties (Sep 18, 2008)

I am 20, and DH is 24. We started dating when I was 14. He moved in with me when I was 15, and we have been together ever scince. We finally got married when I was 19. We got our own place when I was 18, and moved 5 hours away out of state when I was 19, into our own condo. 

Sounds crazy, together at so young, living together at so young, married at so young. Well, it worked.

But it is NOT working anymore. I work from home, DH works 12 hours days 5 days a week. He is ALWAYS miserable because of his job, but honestly, his job gives us what we need. There are like NO jobs around here that pay what he is making, and reason why is because we lived in PA, and moved to WV, and in PA, everyone gets paid a lot more than people in WV, so he transfered his job, at the same pay. We have NO money issues right now, and it is wonderful. I stay home all day, and work, clean, cook, and do the things a house wife would do. I love this though. I love being able to make money, and take care of my home, and when we have a baby, it will work out great.

My issue is, he works, comes home, takes his socks off, leaves them on the floor. Puts his wallet somewhere, the keys somewhere else, eats, and for the rest of the night his eyes are GLUED to the TV or xbox. As stupid as it sounds it is RUINING our marriage. I miss my husband. I miss spending time with him.

He is always pissed off about something, always complaining about something. The only thing I ask him to do is the trash, and he always says he will do it, and on trash day he is running out the door so he does not miss the trash man, and ALWAYS DOES.

I keep this house clean for him, cook for him, make his lunch, do his wash, etc. But I asked myself today..what does he do for me? He brings home a paycheck to help pay the bills, and granted he makes more than me...there is really nothing else he does for me.

We are not sexually itimate...not my choice. His. He shows NO interest. But I know, 100% he is not cheated. He is just...not interested. He does not tell me that, but what else could it be? It was never like this..not until 2 years ago. This is what we fight about all the time. He says why is everything about sex.

He is always WAY to tired (he says)...but even if you work for 12 hours...a lot of people do this, and still find time for family.

He buys lunch almost every day. I make him lunch almost everyday...but he still buys his lunch 10$ a day, even though I ask him not to. Sometimes when we have a lot of bills that week, he still buys lunch and totally skrews us on money. This is also a big deal to me. Today we have to pay rent. We had exactly enough, and today, he bought his lunch. I have a WHOLE casserole of lasagna in the fridge. WHY? WHY DOES HE DO THIS?

Being I work at home, I never leave the home. I do not get to go any where. I go to the grocery store, when he doesnt complain about having to drive me (I do not drive). I go to the convienent store sometimes, and his moms house. That is it. He gets to see the outside everyday, see people, see stores...I see, my computer and house. Thats it. It sucks.

He is lazy, I think he takes me or granted, and there is no love, romance, or anything. What is the point of this marriage anymore?

He knows how I feel, the other night I woke him up at 5am, crying because I was so upset. He always is nice, and says sorry, and he will fix things, but he never does.

He says, I always yell at him and I am mean, and treat him like his mother. I told him, I know I act like this, but for so long, you have yelled at me, and made me feel stupid, and stuff. When I am treated like that, I feel like I have to treat you like that. I do not even realize I do it. So I stopped. I stopped yelling, and acting like his mom.

Are things different? No.

I really love him, I do. But I am only 20. I do not want to struggle with this my whole life. What if things NEVER get better, and I am 60?

What happens if we have kids? I do not want to be a single mom.

I am really thinking about a divorce though.

And I am depressed.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

momto3kitties said:


> What if things NEVER get better, and I am 60?


Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. but the thing is, relationships dont just get better. especially by running away and not dealing with the problem. You have problems, true, but you can work through them. it might take years to resolve but they wont just fix themselves because you get divorced. They are as much your problem as they are his so wherever you go, your problems will be with you. You can work through all these emotions and be happy again in your marriage. You just have to be very patient, and be willing to change your point of view.

I would suggest you buy Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue book and workbook. its a good place to start.


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## momto3kitties (Sep 18, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. but the thing is, relationships dont just get better. especially by running away and not dealing with the problem. You have problems, true, but you can work through them. it might take years to resolve but they wont just fix themselves because you get divorced. They are as much your problem as they are his so wherever you go, your problems will be with you. You can work through all these emotions and be happy again in your marriage. You just have to be very patient, and be willing to change your point of view.
> 
> I would suggest you buy Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue book and workbook. its a good place to start.


Thank you very much. It has just been a few years of trying to work out these issues, and it seems like things are not even getting a little better. They are worse. I just feel ready to give up. He told me just now, he bought lunch today because he was running late. How long does it take to cut a piece of lasagna and go? He says he was running late, everyday, or he forgot.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

momto3kitties said:


> I am 20, and DH is 24. We started dating when I was 14. He moved in with me when I was 15, and we have been together ever scince. We finally got married when I was 19. We got our own place when I was 18, and moved 5 hours away out of state when I was 19, into our own condo.
> 
> Sounds crazy, together at so young, living together at so young, married at so young. Well, it worked.
> 
> ...


Aw..









You married so young, hun, the guy needs to grow up some more. I wouldn't rush into having kids. You need to fix your marriage and your husband needs to grow up first. I like people at age 14, but never would I date someone at that age, muchless move in with them. Seems to me, you two went into this relationship too fast, hun. You need to talk to someone that can help the both of you, because you sound like you are at your witts end. Good luck to you !


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## momto3kitties (Sep 18, 2008)

Honey said:


> Aw..
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks. Personally I think I am way to mature for my age. Even at 14. I was always looking for the full blown relationship. My dad felt I was mature, that's why he thought I was ready to. And I was, but my hubby, your right..needs to grow up. But I cannot do that for him you know? That is something he needs to do...but he won't.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I think you two will find that if you can be patient and get through these struggles, that your relationship will be very meaningful. I think you guys are growing up together which is a very hard thing to do. but if you stick it out it will be one of the most rewarding things you ever do.

the little frustrating things throughout the day (his lunch, the trash, etc) can be attributed to poor boundaries on your part. Reading _Relationship Rescue_ book will help you sort that out.

I think if you learn to respect his own struggles apart from you, you wont take everything he does and feels so personally. 

i struggled with my H being addicted to video games, too. But then i started jumping in with him and playing with him. Video games are a way for a guy to de-stress, much like talking probably helps you. the more stressed he is, the more he will play. 

The lack of intimacy can be attributed to all the stress flowing between you two. Its a complicated issue. im very bias in this area because i found out my H wasnt interested in sex with me because he was addicted to porn. so whenever i hear a guy isnt interested in their wife, and they arent cheating, then i think its porn.

You both have a lot of learning to do. Give it ten years to settle. it will be hard work, but it will be worth it.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

momto3kitties said:


> Thanks. Personally I think I am way to mature for my age. Even at 14. I was always looking for the full blown relationship. My dad felt I was mature, that's why he thought I was ready to. And I was, but my hubby, your right..needs to grow up. But I cannot do that for him you know? That is something he needs to do...but he won't.


Some never do, hun. One can only hope they will. Oh, and you are welcome.


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

I htink htat you should move on. Youa re 20 he is 24 and it has been like this for 2 years already?
You sounds like an old couple of 40 or 50 years old to me..
Move on girl dotn let this suck all your life into a hole.
You already gave 6 years of your prime youth to this guy, and htats how he is repaying oyu You do everythign and work and he do absolutly nothign at all and thats way too abnormal for a man specialy at that young age.
No sex interest age 24? WOW! then drop it . he was with you for so long that he taes you for granted compeltely and doing nothign on excuse that he makes more and not eating the food you make for him and buying very expensive meal at 10 dollar eveery single day even when you got to pay the rent and cant afford it?
No girl, move on oyu got to move on.
He doesnt care AT ALL.
He is not even responsible enough to take care of the bills! it is you who care for that too and thats way too abnorme.
Give him the cold shoudler, dont make a meal for him dont sleep with him dont talk to him ignore him, remove the antenee from the tv and do as if its broken, and have a talk with him about it all.
Its best for you too to split up cause you ddi it all and he didnt made a single move to repair the realtion.
he odnt try even to do soemthing.
youa re doing tdobble work, youa re working form home and also you are takign ccare of the home.
take care of you now lady you need it badly.
Its not good for you to be estranged to all and isolated as oyu are specialy as 20. Get your freedom back and go out having fun! get soem friends do oyu have friends comogn to visit you+ i mean everyday or several times a week?
when was the last itme you went out to dance to a concert ot a restaurant to the beach or else?
It cant keep on that way.
You have to regain your freedom and your life. Poeple change with time and at 14 you are not as 20.
As you said youw eretoo mature too early and got stolen form your chikldhood. You ahve time to catch up wiht, fun to catch up with, and that time is now.
Dont wait that its to late for you.
Leave him and make your own life a new life where oyu will also be alone doign work but where you will no onger have to deal with him and his htings and will relay on yoruself. Get yourself a drivig license real fast and be totaly independent and able ot move aroud and meet people.
You need a life for yourself out of his unicverse.
He like that life, the sofa work life, you cant stand it its killing you and i understand that. So move on girl.
Thats not what you wanted.
You wanted the love and romantic too and you got his idea of love: if there is nothing on TV and he isnt too tired..
thats not love, like you said it, that sucks completely!


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

Honey said:


> Some never do, hun. One can only hope they will. Oh, and you are welcome.


yeah thats rigth and sincde when is it necessary to waist 10 years of oyur life "to make it work"!!???
hell no!
2 years is waisted time enough.
youcant change the guy and as oyu say he got to do the change on him you cant do it for him and he wont cause he feel good that way. Its not to destress he watch tv but cause he likes it better than taklign care of you.
He is totaly careless he live like if he was living alone with a maid making his meal doing the cleaning, wahsing his clothes, and so on and taking care the bills get paid and in worse coming with some money too. It doenst go he take you for granted and for a slave at home who also give money into the budget.
Walk away from him girl. he is no good for you.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Sweet Love, she doesn't want to move on. She loves the guy, so she wants it to work out. She should at least try to work things out, before throwing in the towel.


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

you are wrong so read ehr first message.. you never do.. she is thinkng about leavign him since a long time.. cause hs eis tired about it but she doesnt know what to do for sure.

and she ahs already tried her very best to make things work out, FOR TWO LONG YEARS and she do nothing but doing the right things and him the worng and he do nothign at all to change it. So why waist more years of her youth on a guy that dont even appreciate it?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Most people are not going to mature until they are in their mid twenties. You might want to look at several aspects of your marriage. Screaming isn't the best form of communicating and the one leastlikely to be listened too. Have you thought about getting a book about relationships like the five languages of love? You are both young and have many more stages to go through in yor life, so I suggest you try everything to save your marriage before you add kids or get a divorce.

draconis


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Sweet love said:


> you are wrong so read ehr first message.. you never do.. she is thinkng about leavign him since a long time.. cause hs eis tired about it but she doesnt know what to do for sure.
> 
> and she ahs already tried her very best to make things work out, FOR TWO LONG YEARS and she do nothing but doing the right things and him the worng and he do nothign at all to change it. So why waist more years of her youth on a guy that dont even appreciate it?


Yeah, but, thinking about it and doing it is two different things, hun.


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

ITS STEP ONE FOR WHAT I KNOW. step 2 you are out of the door.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Sweet love said:


> ITS STEP ONE FOR WHAT I KNOW. step 2 you are out of the door.


You can't forgive someone if they cheated on you?


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

you already cheated 6 times on me and i forgave you didnt I?

and what good did it brought?
That you take me for granted a little bit more for each time..
Like rigth now
Forcing me to do things i dont want and dont feel to do.

So dont come like if nothing saying that i cant forgive.
can you forgive yourself?
can you change yourself?'
can you be honnest and speak your heart? 

I mean, in this lifetime...


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Sweet love said:


> you already cheated 6 times on me and i forgave you didnt I?
> 
> and what good did it brought?
> That you take me for granted a little bit more for each time..
> ...


Who cheated on you, hun? :scratchhead:


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

you of course. whom else?


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## momto3kitties (Sep 18, 2008)

Okay, well some of these posts have me confused..

but the thing is, I do not want to get out, unless there is no hope of it working out. So if it does not work out, then I will get out, but I do love him, and right now I do not want out. I will order that Dr. Phil book on Friday. You guys really recommend it? Thanks for everyone input, and if anyone else has any, I would appreciate it  

And honey...thanks!!!! You made me think about things I have no thought about.


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

H emade you htink about what that you didnt thought about mom?

As for Dr Phil i wont buy his book if i were oyu..
the guy isnt a doctor, h elost his license to practice long ago for abuse on patients and he use that name on TV but he shouldnt.
I dont think that his advices are worth much.
You are so young and poeple can also first get mature when they are way over the 30.. and specialy men..
So i will not count on that either.
Since oyu only knew him it must eb difficult for you to let go but are you sure it is still love and not simply the habit oyu ahve of being with him and beign together that do htat oyu stay?
it must also be frightneing for oyu to leave since you never knew anything else in yoru life and ecver tried to live on oyur own before. Often the new scares us.
If you 2 were older i wil say that its just the marriage gettign too borring and to add spice in it. But since you are both very young and oyu didnt live together so many years and have been married for such a short time, it sounds to me like a bad idea to keep on that track specialy since it has been like that for 2 years.

the younger the easiest it shoudl be to can talk together and for him to change himself.
If he cant and dont even want to then you have to give him an ultimatum.
if he dont care then oyu will know where you ahve him.
It might be hard at first but better than to pull up with him and hoping for nothing.
you do not do anything wrong and he seems to just let himself go and do exactly what he like regardless of yoru needs and wishes.
What else do you want to do but makiing him face the consequences like tlaking abnout a divorce,a nd if that doesnt make him react, then it says pretty much all about how he really feel for you.
its not at you to read books but at him to do soemthing now.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

momto3kitties said:


> Okay, well some of these posts have me confused..
> 
> but the thing is, I do not want to get out, unless there is no hope of it working out. So if it does not work out, then I will get out, but I do love him, and right now I do not want out. I will order that Dr. Phil book on Friday. You guys really recommend it? Thanks for everyone input, and if anyone else has any, I would appreciate it
> 
> And honey...thanks!!!! You made me think about things I have no thought about.


Like what, hun? :scratchhead:


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

I can honestly say I have never cheated, even if sweet love thinks I do. Just because I am nice to look at (they say I am..I don't), doesn't make me a cheat, girl.


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

they are not talking about cheatig in that thread honey.. you are in the wrong one..
no doubt you like to look at oyurself but that doesnt mean other do too, love.. just thougth you migth like to know.
i dont think we should speak about your bed escapade in here tho..
they are numerous and we dont want to spoil the thread nor the mood, do we?


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Sweet love said:


> they are not talking about cheatig in that thread honey.. you are in the wrong one..
> no doubt you like to look at oyurself but that doesnt mean other do too, love.. just thougth you migth like to know.
> i dont think we should speak about your bed escapade in here tho..
> they are numerous and we dont want to spoil the thread nor the mood, do we?


Then don't go there with me. Don't call me a cheater.


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

Why? There is another name for it?


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## momto3kitties (Sep 18, 2008)

Wow, I came here for some help, why are you attacking honey...? 

It has nothing to do with the thread. She came to give me advice.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

momto3kitties said:


> Wow, I came here for some help, why are you attacking honey...?
> 
> It has nothing to do with the thread. She came to give me advice.


Thanks, hun, and you can call me a she if you like. :rofl:


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## momto3kitties (Sep 18, 2008)

Honey said:


> Thanks, hun, and you can call me a she if you like. :rofl:


Oops, your not a she?


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

momto3kitties said:


> Oops, your not a she?


Well, darlin, the last time I looked, I wasn't. :rofl:


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## momto3kitties (Sep 18, 2008)

Honey said:


> Well, darlin, the last time I looked, I wasn't. :rofl:


:rofl: sorry


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## momto3kitties (Sep 18, 2008)

Do you two know each other..?


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

just ignore those two nut cases.

Your situation really is one many couples go through regardless of age. To just attribute it to age is ignorant. If you said you were in your thirties I'm sure you would have gotten a different response. But you do act like a worn out old couple. One thing that doesnt work is nagging. I think if you got yourself a bit of a life it might inspire your husband. Dont live through him entirely. Get your own hobbies and your own life. You are responsible for your own happiness not him. Have you ever heard of the saying "boy did he(she) change when I changed". think about it.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Ask him to talk to you about why he is unhappy. If his response is, "I'm not unhappy." Then ask him to talk about why he is happy, and what else makes him happy. The goal is simply to engage him, instead of continuing to alienate one another.


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## tomatoplace (Nov 30, 2008)

Off topic Q. What do you do that lets you work at home?

On Topic. Sounds like your a very pleasant wife. Makes enough money to not have any money problems, works from home and is a homemaker. 

You've got to sit him down and treat him like a child. Make him take the trash out, put his socks up and what ever else. You are married, it's a team effort, an union of equality. Talk to him and have responsibilites and guildlines said outloud. The chores will not be equal, but neither is the income, come to a comprimise.

Games. I love games. but I love my wife. Sit down and talk about htat too. Try to get involved in the games with him, do stuff together, but also have him get involved with you. You need to ahve something else to do with him that you like and think he will ike too. Make all this something thing to do together. With all of this, you also need together time.. go out and walk, ride bikes, window shop.

Have things ready to talk about. I write down random thoughts and things so I can talk with my wife.. b/c when it's talking time I can't remember. It works wonders.

Hope this Helps out or at least gives you ideas. Write back, would like to know the outcome.


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## angelfire_28 (Dec 8, 2008)

This post is quite old, but I'd like to add my two cents. I am in the exact same situation,only am 28 years old and married DH when he was 28 and I was 25. Now three years later, I feel burnt out and unhappy. The very same symptoms - come home, watch t.v. and go off to bed, while I would wait for him every night after having dutifully done the chores. I told him in every way possible - by being polite, nagged, yelled, cried etc all. But so far in three years, I have not noticed much of a change. He does change for a bit maybe a week or two only to relapse into his old habits.

This is the thing - You are very young and have your whole life ahead of you.First and foremost why dont you change a couple of things about your daily routine. I too am at home, but don't work. My social contact is limited and I have no one to talk to other my DH. So I understand your position. You will have to get out and build a social circle of your own, learn to drive, get that license  and have a life outside of your marriage. Find friends who share the same interests as you do etc all. In the meantime, see if your husband comes around. With DH, I have figured it is an innate thing. He is happy with watching TV, going to work, come back home, eat his food, sleep , watch tv and go to work. He might not change ever ! So it is a decision you have to take. It is a gamble and can work either ways ! Once your are out and about, you will be in a better frame of mind to take a logical decision instead of an emotional one.Give him some time and if he still doesn't come around,life is too precious to take such a big gamble, unless you love him to bits and cannot imagine your life without him . 

It is commendable that you are working and still manage to keep such a well maintained home.. Kudos to you...


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