# A guy/girlfriend Long Distance



## guy2198 (Oct 24, 2011)

Hello everyone,

I have recently ran into a unpleasant situation with my girlfriend. She has told me today, that she has interests in another guy and doesn't know what to do.

I will give you a brief summary about us.

We are in a long distance relationship.. and I mean looonng. I am currently living in Argentina. 

Here's the thing. We have only been dating for 8 months. Three of them have now been long distance. I know its a very young relationship and we both decided we were not going to do long distance. But when I left.. things got complicated, we both fell in love with each other and decided to try it out.

I moved down here for work. This is kind of ironic.. but I moved down here because my girlfriend really pushed me to come down here. She is very well traveled and I am not. I have always wanted a full immersion experience and to start my career but I never wanted to leave her. With that said, we have been doing long distance. We have been apart for almost three months and I am coming home in one week. I told her that I tried out the experience and its not right for me. I also told her that I love her too much and feel that our relationship is important to me and its suffered enough by just being apart from one another and missing each other for so long. Her response, "Good, I wanted to beg for you to come back, but I told myself to be strong." 

Before the distance, our relationship had been entirely wonderful. We get along very well and are very honest with one another. We both have dated a lot of people and find our relationship to be very unique and full filing both emotionally and physically. Before I left our city, everything was perfect. 

Long distance has been a terrible mistress. I have had to fight to keep our relationship together and I have even put my two weeks notice in to stop the beginning of my career so I can come back and make things right.

Two weeks ago, she broke the news to me that guys at her work are starting to ask her out and she has been turning them down. Playing the non-jealous card, I brushed it off and played it cool. Telling her that I don't blame them. I would be doing the same. 

I had told her that I am coming home to stop the long distance and I want to start my career close to her. Now with one week left before I come home, she has told me that she is interested in another guy and doesn't know what to do. She feels that our relationship had moved too fast for jumping into long distance. But she said she still cares for me and feels that since before I left, our relationship was amazing and worth holding on to. 

I told her that we both decided to do the distance and I am now coming back home to close the separation gap. Frustrated about her choices.. I told her to please take some time for me. I told her that we should have this conversation in person, to wait until I come home. I had also asked for her to not meet with this guy she is interested in until after I get home. So we can figure us out. She agreed and felt like it would be a good idea. 

I am hoping that when I get back she will see me again and these feelings for this other guy will devolve. I even made her laugh a few times throughout our conversation and I could see that she was pretty emotionally torn by my calm and accepting approach.

I told her that I have been in the same situation before in the past and I know what she is feeling. I had done the same thing to someone else but my partner at the time did not want to make a change to save the relationship.

What I am asking for is this. If you have tried hard to keep someone doing long distance and you have even gone as far as ending your job to come home to them.. and they say, "I am so happy you are coming home," and then a week later they say. I am interested in someone else and "I don't know what to do?"

What should I do? I feel that long distance is the problem. But is it?

I have confidence in who I am and I know if I was there, she would not be looking else where.

Having one week left before coming home after three months. I still love her and know I want to have a fulfilling long term relationship with her. I know she is hurting physically and emotionally because of the distance. But now with this complication, I am left with many questions. 

The most important is should I give her time and wait for her?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Long distance relationships rarely work, and it sounds if she has possibly started to see other men already.

Cut your losses and move on. It stings but in the end you'll find someone more deserving of your love.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Yep. It's a safe bet the her "interest" in another man means she is dating another man. She has to let the cat out of the bag because you're coming back.

When you get back, dial back the seriousness about 7 notches. Tell her you should date casually. Start seeing other women. There are other fish in the sea.

You've already made a grave error by leaving a job in this economy in order to move close to a woman who hasn't committed to you. Don't make things worse by suggesting you move in together, get married, or something else foolish.

And, for the record, when you're dating someone exclusively, her stating interest in another man is not the time to play it cool. That's the time to let her know that she is playing with fire and you are likely to burn her. I think it's too late for that strategy here because she's already involved with this guy.


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## ScullyFan (Oct 23, 2011)

I would say let her go. You already gave up enough for her and she is telling you she has interest in another man, this is not acceptable. Long distance relationships are tough but there's no excuse, don't make excuses for her behavior, she needs to make a decision, don't let her keep you in limbo.


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## guy2198 (Oct 24, 2011)

Thank you for your replies. This has all been a great learning experience. It´s always tough, but I am appreciative that I am young and can make mistakes. Live and learn!


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Your relationship is really young for this kind of stress! You shouldn't have to be going through that and I'm sorry that your woman isn't as committed as you are. You might love her, but she doesn't sound like she is girlfriend material because she is telling you that she's into someone else. 

You're already making big life changes for her, but you should stop that and start thinking about yourself for a while instead and cool things down. It's going to hurt you to tone things down, but, if you can't let go of her, at least let go of the exclusivity. You might meet someone else who appreciates you for who you are and isn't ambivalent about her feelings. 

If she's this uncertain now, why bother to stick it out. It isn't worth the pain you will definitely face in the future. If she somehow decided to be committed to you, you can always evaluate that choice in the future. For now, respect yourself and let her go.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

guy2198 said:


> Thank you for your replies. This has all been a great learning experience. It´s always tough, but I am appreciative that I am young and can make mistakes. Live and learn!


That's exactly the right attitude. What will help you the most with this situation, and future rejections (they will happen), is an abundance mentality. All the single women in the world are potential dates for you. Don't let one that didn't work out get you down. Check out some blogs on dating and get out there and start meeting people.

Good luck.


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## guy2198 (Oct 24, 2011)

I let her free. It stings, but hey. I got my job back and the ability to start a new life in a foreign country. Thanks again everyone for your encouragement and advice.


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