# Is it all worth it?-Married but living in different continents



## lonelylife_09 (Aug 19, 2013)

My hubby and I got married last year, after fighting it hard with family and going thru all the pain and rejections, when family finally agreed despite of living at two different continents, we decided to get married and figure relocation afterwards. I am very career oriented woman, I like my work but I feel I more worth then i earn in this job, my hubby does well, loves his work, earns enough so both of us can comfortably live but when it comes to leaving my job and moving to his continents he has been pushing hard to get a transfer from the company I currently work with, the company rejected my transfer after 4 months of approving it and my hubby pushed me again to ask my management, I asked again and they said, they will consider, now it already been 2 months of them considering, its been 9 months since all this transfer drama is going on but my hubby seems to not have cared about the time we are losing, this will never come back. I have had enough of it and would like to leave the job and may be find something I really love but my hubby does not get it..I wonder if this even matters to him?


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

What is MORE important to you, your JOB or your MARRIAGE ?

If your request for a transfer is not approved it may come down to one or the other. 

Do please bear in mind that just being married to someone does not automatically always give you the legal right to move to / work in their home country, you may still need visa and or work permits.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Sounds like you and your husband may have differing views on the need for both of you to work as well as differing priorities. Could you not leave your job and seek new employment once you move to be with your husband?


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## lonelylife_09 (Aug 19, 2013)

Wiltshireman said:


> OP,
> 
> What is MORE important to you, your JOB or your MARRIAGE ?
> 
> ...


Thank you, that's the whole thing , it is not about the job, he thinks that I might not be able to get a work visa, should I decide to go there without a job! but i feel it might just screw up my marriage as he is always busy with his life and I with mine.. there is nothing to talk about or i don't even care to share things with him coz obviously it doesn't fall into my timezone.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

lonelylife_09 said:


> Thank you, that's the whole thing , it is not about the job, he thinks that I might not be able to get a work visa, should I decide to go there without a job! but i feel it might just screw up my marriage as he is always busy with his life and I with mine.. there is nothing to talk about or i don't even care to share things with him coz obviously it doesn't fall into my timezone.


if the big issues is work visa, can't that be answered definitively with a call or visit to the immigration office rather than sitting around making assumptions or working from maybes and supposition rather than facts? Is there really an honest interest in getting the two of you together?


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Why would you be applying for a work visa?

Where are you and where is the husband?

If you are in another country and he is in the USA (and is a citizen) you can file for permanent residence, I think you could have done so immediately after marriage or even before as a fiance.

Once you file you get your fingerprints taken etc and a date for an interview. The application is then approved almost right away and you are eligible to work.

Not sure why you are even thinking about the work visa?

I believe most countries allow citizens to marry and then the spouse gets "preferential" treatment for visa (maybe not a work one) but the process of getting a green card if he is a citizen is so quick that it wouldn't impact you as much as you think.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

BTW the only issue I see here is that there may not be enough proof you are in a real relationship. As in shared accounts/expenses... photos... if you are both serious about this you need to show it to immigration officials


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## lonelylife_09 (Aug 19, 2013)

bunny23 said:


> Why would you be applying for a work visa?
> 
> Where are you and where is the husband?
> 
> ...


he is in US, but on H1B ..green card route for him is bit far at least 4-5 years. so, I have H4 as his dependent but I can't work on H4. The only way is a transfer otherwise wait for his GC or enrol in a college !


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## lonelylife_09 (Aug 19, 2013)

Maneo said:


> if the big issues is work visa, can't that be answered definitively with a call or visit to the immigration office rather than sitting around making assumptions or working from maybes and supposition rather than facts? Is there really an honest interest in getting the two of you together?


i have done all that. I have researched. work visa is only H1B and it is a lottery system, if I ever get a company to sponsor that for me.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

lonelylife_09 said:


> he is in US, but on H1B ..green card route for him is bit far at least 4-5 years. so, I have H4 as his dependent but I can't work on H4. The only way is a transfer otherwise wait for his GC or enrol in a college !


This bit of information clarifies why you find yourself in the predicament of visas and such. so it sounds to me, based on all that you have shared, that you and your husband need to come to agreement on your need to work vs living together. Unless there is some legality which an immigration lawyer might know that is beyond the level of advice you are likely to receive here.
Good luck with the talk with your husband.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Oh crap...

Not only is the green card issue but even if he got the green card your application would take longer.

Unless you are in a field EXTREMELY high in demand- I would say things like chemical engineering you are going to have a hard time finding a sponsor.

As you may already know unemployment is pretty bad.

But if he has a good job why not move where both of you could work? It seems that both of you may be in high demand in another country.

I would not go the route of school as you would be paying international rates for any college, and education in the US is very expensive. I had a friend who paid $45k a year for a pretty bad school (her dad was loaded though)

Another option would be investing here and starting a company, but I believe that is a 500k min requirement. There are options with start ups I think but there was just a huge issue where people were forced to leave even though they started companies here that were employing US citizens. 

You really need to think this through.

4 -5 years for him to get a green card (if all goes as planned) is a long time to wait. Then apply for your stuff...

Do you know this person well enough to take a risk and put your whole financial life in his hands?

I think you are being smart by not moving.

What are the circumstances of you meeting? Do you know each other well?


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## lonelylife_09 (Aug 19, 2013)

bunny23 said:


> Oh crap...
> 
> Not only is the green card issue but even if he got the green card your application would take longer.
> 
> ...



thank you for your feedback, i think my post is little misinterpreted. I married this guy against all the odds, we are very much in love and want to live together, however, it is proving to be very difficult for me to leave my lifestyle, I have always worked/studied, so, for me to be not able to work is not normal, I feel i will be financially dependent, i know i shouldn't think like this as he is my hubby but it is difficult, while i juggle, time is passing by so fast that I regret not been able to spend last 8 months with him. the company i work for is talking so long that i am almost certain that i would have to leave this job. but i feel it couldn't be that bad afterall. i have been trying to change from my field to more scientific and after all these years i finally found what i enjoy doing but that would mean going back to college. may be I can join a college the course i really like and i know there is shortage of skilled people in that sector. decisions decisions !


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