# married for 16 months & it has all gone wrong.



## hellohello (May 26, 2013)

Hi all, I am new to this forum & am need of some help. To give you a brief background i have been with my husband for 6 years married for 18 months he is 38 i am 26. At the start of our relationship we were very passionate, lovely & we very financially stable so we had a very nice time enjoying holidays etc. I fell pregnant ( a surprise!) a year in to our relationship & we had my son & a year later we had a little girl. We also bought a house which financially ruined us & we sold it for a huge loss after plowing our savings in to it. Fast Forward until now & i am so sad it has come to this. We barely talk anymore, we do not kiss, hug, hold hands, spend any time together at all because we have no family who can help with the children (now 4 & 3) he doesn't buy me anything even for my birthday i feel no love from him at all all. I feel utterly miserable, we have very little money as we struggle to repay our debts, i feel like we have no future together  The children are such hard work which puts a massive strain on us, which i know is normal but i feel empty about it all. How can we get back to what we were when both of us are not willing to try, I have tried to hug him but its so forced. I feel completely emotionally shut off from him, i cannot bring myself to walk up to him & kiss him.

He is a good man & a good father but he is constantly stressed out with the children he doesn't enjoy being a family i dont think. He has sais before that he wishes it was just us 2 again. Which is hard to hear.

We have talked, shouted, argued until we are blue in the face & he always says the same thing that he loves me & wants to sort it so we will both try for a day or 2 & then general life gets in the way & we are back to being 2 people who live together. Please help


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its time to let this go...ya I know it sound counter productive but until your old man sees the real consequences for not being an equal part in the marriage then he can go and bee a weekend father while you go and find a man that will treat you like a women.

Really, it time you guy sh1t or get off the pot...both of you are wasting time here and the kids are getting a great examble of a unhealthy marriage that they can take and repeat the cycle.

Get out, let it go, be a mother to your kids and wish your old man the best...maybe this will open his eyesand see what he is about to lose. Maybe this tactic in giving him divorce paper will second guess his choices. Maybe seeing you letting him go will make him think twice.

Remember having divorce paper drawen up is alot different the filing a difforce and also...along those lines finalizing a divorce is completely different the filing.

My point is to show him you are confident enough to no longer tolorate the crap and change is in order and that change include MC and IC.

sure this all sound over the top, but at the end of the day do *you really want to keep your family together or just go through the motions will the both of you find a secret lover that will meet your needs.

In short you guys are drifting apart and thats when infidelity takes hold and before you know it one of you is getting burned behond belief.

So girl take action now before one of you do something your will regret for the rest of your life..

Again I may seem over the top, but damn it I have been her way to long to know how this ends up. 

So bail now with honor or fight and take the hard steps in making a change in this family, and that change may or may not include your husband.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

This sounds to me like he's fallen into deep depression. Some men just don't handle difficult times well, its an ego thing, especially when they've been the breadwinner and "MAN" of the house.

He might be struggling with the fallout of the house, and plowing thru what im sure was years of savings. He feels like he's let him family down. Now its snowballing on him emotionally. He might need to seek some therapy, do you have insurance that can help? You say money is tight.

IMHO, if you want this to work, your going to have to be more patient with him, but at the same time, get him some help. Now im not dr. obviously, and I don't believe in antidepressants cause coming off them can be 10x worse the reason you took them in the first place. Theres a more natural way to deal with it that you can try thou, and its cheap. Vitamin B5, or folic acid, replenished chemicals in the brain a man burns thru fast. A bottle is like 3.00.
Start off with 400 mcg a day, have him take it in the MORNING, never after noon. The B vitamins are also a natural energy booster so you don't want him up all night, stressing even more. Its a cheap try for now at least.

Now for yourself, you will need to set some time up for yourself daily, be it nap time for the kids, or just a phone call home to family. A good walk around the block, after your husband gets home from work can do wonders as well.
Give yourself some time to vent/relax or you will keep to much bundled up inside, waiting to explode, don't let it build up.

I wish you luck, I hope things work out for you and your family.


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## mtpromises (May 27, 2013)

The stress of buying the house then selling it at a loss is really getting the best of your marriage. Times are tough, children can complicate things, and being in debt can exacerbate the situation. Is there anyway you two can file for bankruptcy or is it just easier to pay it off?

Marriage is a very difficult road to travel down because life itself can be bumpy and unpredictable. I really hope you two can try counseling and if all else fails maybe try living separately.

Also have you tried getting a babysitter and doing date nights to rekindle the spark? Sounds like you're both very overwhelmed.


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