# On Turning 40



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Hello ladies (and gentlemen too), what did you do and how did you celebrate your 40th birthday? 

How did you feel going into your 40s?

With that time in your life in mind, if you were to give yourself some advice knowing what you know now, what would it be?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

18 months retired from the Army, in the best shape of my life (to that point; am even more fit now), and still unsure if my marriage would survive.

It was a bit strange because I always considered 40 "over the hill", but it has been anything but.

Considering it was only 17 months ago, I don't have much I would advise myself on other than to stop forcing things in life and instead understand that things will happen on God's time.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

All I can say is that when you are in your 50s you will look back an how young you were when you turned 40.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I don't doubt it, brother.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> Hello ladies (and gentlemen too), what did you do and how did you celebrate your 40th birthday?
> 
> *How did you feel going into your 40s?
> 
> With that time in your life in mind, if you were to give yourself some advice knowing what you know now, what would it be?*


At this point the kids were becoming teenagers, so we were so distracted that there was not really time to observe our 40th birthdays. 

My wife and I wish we discovered bulk meal preparation and these thingies earlier for holding open zip lock bags:



















Good luck!

Badsanta


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I have a different perspective as I was going through a failed attempt for reconciliation with my soon to be ex-wife. I just turned 40 this past July and she "forgot" about my birthday. So, I cobbled together my family and one buddy to come over on the actual day for a family thing. Sadly she invited her family, but oh well. I did go out with my buddies on the Friday before and she took me parasailing that Saturday (but most of that was last minute decisions). Ok, enough about the actual day of turning 40...

I think turning 40 is different based on where you are in your life. I didn't have any ill feelings towards it when I thought I was in a happy(ish) marriage. But now that I have turned 40, it does feel like I have gone through the best years of my life and contemplating what I have done and where I am headed has definitely made me much more introspective. I have started growing a beard as well, which has really changed my look. I try not to have regrets. Too often self-pity and beating up yourself ensues. Did I get ****ed over twice? Yeah. But who's fault is that? Maybe I am blaming the victim here, but I clearly did not vet my wives as well as I should have. I know I was way too passive with the first and probably too needy of a relationship with the second (and the amazing sex really drew me in). Really, 40 has told me I am closer to 60 than I am to 20, which does scare the **** out of me, but also makes me realize, I have to change myself now because I have no excuse except for myself if I don't.


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## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

I don't remember that was so long ago.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Age is nothing more then a number IMO. My W and I are still a few years away from 40. As far as celebrating, neither of us are big into celebrating birthdays, but I would like to plan a trip away for a few days with her out West somewhere (Arizona likely). Really will just be using the whole "40" excuse to convince my mom to watch the kids :grin2:


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Although you will be tempted to, my advice is do not sing along with elevator music. And I'm sure you will be cooler and sexier than two 20 year olds combined.

All in all 40 was no big deal for either me or my wife. We can talk again in a decade


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## NothingsOriginal (Sep 23, 2016)

35 was "The big one" for me, so 40 was on the downhill slide and I paid little attention to it.

Advice? I wish I had stopped every single vice there and then. Smoking, over eating, not saving for retirement, etc. all caught up with me in my early 50's.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

My older sister cried at 30. I was diagnosed diabetic at 37. Second Honeymoon at 49. I turned 50 last year my wife this year. We were at Family Camp on her50th Birthday. That's not camping with our family, that's taking care of other peoples kids while they do training. She had under 3 year olds, I had 12 - 13 year olds. I got her a present early. Good thing too the last day of camp was her Birthday. We spent all afternoon in the emergency room, then because it was too far to drive home that late, we stayed in a hotel overnight. I was on pain meds and iv antibiotics. I wouldn't advise that.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> With that time in your life in mind, if you were to give yourself some advice knowing what you know now, what would it be?


My advice to myself would be "40 is hella young!"
Currently 55


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

uhtred said:


> All I can say is that when you are in your 50s you will look back an how young you were when you turned 40.


 Oops, I send before messaging.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

uhtred said:


> All I can say is that when you are in your 50s you will look back an how young you were when you turned 40.


 I feel that way when I turn 20 and suspect those same emotions when I turn 30.


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## GreyEcho (Sep 28, 2016)

30, 40 & 50 .. just numbers still enjoy doing the same things.. just do it slower.. haha + the recovery time is more .. other then that young at heart and mind


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

heartsbeating said:


> Hello ladies (and gentlemen too), what did you do and how did you celebrate your 40th birthday?
> 
> How did you feel going into your 40s?
> 
> With that time in your life in mind, if you were to give yourself some advice knowing what you know now, what would it be?


It's better than 60

55


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

My 40th was a turning point for me. In the years prior I lost a child, then my job, then my spouse left very soon after the job loss.

Right around my birthday things had started to fall into place. I had just finished my MBA and accepted a job offer in my field. It was a so-so job at best, but at least I was making career progress.

That was 2012 and things have only gotten better, both professionally and personally. I am in fact surprised how quickly it came together after all that time struggling.

I would tell myself to stay the course. I had gotten past so much, I won't struggle forever, and things will start to get better quickly due to all that effort.

Oh, I bought Disneyland passes for me and my daughter with part of my signing bonus.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

heartsbeating said:


> With that time in your life in mind, if you were to give yourself some advice knowing what you know now, what would it be?


Isn't 40 that time in our lives when we face the reality that life hasn't turned out to resemble anything close to what we imagined in our 20's?


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I invited my close immediate family members for dinner out and they came over to our house for cake afterwards. It was pretty low key. I really didn't feel much different about it. I did buy myself some nice jewelry to celebrate though. I was pretty forward with my H about what I wanted for my birthday because he needs a little help in that area.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Let's not forget, supposedly 39 is the most common age to cheat, followed by 29 and then 49 ... 

Guessing at some point some my W and I will need to be locked away for an entire year lol


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> I invited my close immediate family members for dinner out


That was my plan. Controlling father and always right saw to it that it sucked.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> Hello ladies (and gentlemen too), what did you do and how did you celebrate your 40th birthday?
> 
> How did you feel going into your 40s?
> 
> With that time in your life in mind, if you were to give yourself some advice knowing what you know now, what would it be?


My 40th was no different than any other including my 50th 1 year ago. My advise to me at that time would be love your spouse with all you have.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

CharlieParker said:


> That was my plan. Controlling father and always right saw to it that it sucked.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh man. What a jerk.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

* always right sister.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> Hello ladies (and gentlemen too), what did you do and how did you celebrate your 40th birthday?
> 
> How did you feel going into your 40s?
> 
> With that time in your life in mind, if you were to give yourself some advice knowing what you know now, what would it be?


I have a friend that's ten years older than me, so we had a joint birthday party where we turned "90" together - good times!

The year I turned 40 was a difficult year for me, lots of unwelcome change, and some unexpected as well as unwelcome change. It was not a happy or hopeful start to my forties, but I found my way through, and the last five years have been Fantastic Forties for me. I'm about to turn 49 and couldn't be happier and looking forward to my fifties.

The advice I'd give my younger self...Trust yourself and trust in yourself. You know what you're doing.

The advice I'd give you - have a blast and enjoy the hell out of your forties. This is great time of life for so many reasons (not the least of which is how much smarter and wiser you'll become as you approach your _next _decade milestone ).


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Mrs. meson was pregnant with our third child and focused on him being healthy. She was happy to be pregnant but it had come later than desired and she was worried. Her sister and mom took her out for a ladies night birthday party which she enjoyed even though it was themed as over the hill. She didn't think of it that way.

I can't remember what I did for it. I must have treated it like any other birthday. She considered her 50'th a bigger milestone but didnt sweat it much either. I organized a surprise party reuniting her with Some of her best friends we hadn't seen in years. She seems to always look forward to the next stages more than she looks back.

As it turned out though her 40'th was her last birthday on which she spent some time with both of her parents. Her dad died right before our son was born.


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## wellseasoned (Jan 8, 2016)

The 40's are an eye opener of what is to come. Example, if you dont wear glasses, well more than likely you will be soon.
Hair in the ears! Wrinkles! 
Pains that never seem to go away like those pains we had when we were younger. You also think about your future, like your retirement. Have or are you saving enough to retire? 
You are tired more than awake. Naps are mandatory! Hard music is harder to listen to since your nerves are wore out from all the hard rock you listened to when you was a kid.
Loosing weight is harder. So, eat while you can. Even when you watch what you eat you still gain weight. 
Its harder to get up from a sitting position. 
Your basically smarter, wiser, slower and unable to do the things you really want to do since your to tired to do them.
Your also more than likely to vote Republican if you were a Democrat all those years...... Enjoy....


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## SadDaisy (Sep 16, 2015)

I hear you start "feeling your age" after 40. Not there yet.


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## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

SadDaisy said:


> I hear you start "feeling your age" after 40. Not there yet.




In my experience I think you feel your age after 50.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

CharlieParker said:


> Although you will be tempted to, my advice is do not sing along with elevator music. And I'm sure you will be cooler and sexier than two 20 year olds combined.
> 
> All in all 40 was no big deal for either me or my wife. We can talk again in a decade


The elevator matches my current playlist, it's a chain reaction, you'll see the people of the world coming out to dance, 'cause there's music in the air.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

norajane said:


> I have a friend that's ten years older than me, so we had a joint birthday party where we turned "90" together - good times!
> 
> The year I turned 40 was a difficult year for me, lots of unwelcome change, and some unexpected as well as unwelcome change. It was not a happy or hopeful start to my forties, but I found my way through, and the last five years have been Fantastic Forties for me. I'm about to turn 49 and couldn't be happier and looking forward to my fifties.
> 
> ...


The joy in your words referring to Fantastic Forties, is palpable! Well done on getting there and getting through. 

I love the words of wisdom you would offer yourself and to me. Thank you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*IMHO, age is only a state of mind!

A number of my close friends and cohorts have always kiddingly teased me that I'm really dead, but that the fact of matter is I haven't quite laid down yet!

Let's just say that I may well be in my 60's, but as active as I keep myself, I greatly feel like I'm in my 40's! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kerry (Jan 9, 2009)

I worked in software at the time (on the business side), so I wrote a press release about the new, "Kerry 4.0 version," a few known bugs and issues, but overall better than ever!


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

SadDaisy said:


> I hear you start "feeling your age" after 40. Not there yet.


I'm well past that age (and well past 50 too, for that matter) and I don't "feel my age" yet. I still get surprised sometimes when I see that old guy in the mirror... although he does look pretty good for his age. >


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

I guess the best thing I realized when I turned forty was that there was still time. To dig myself out of my self-imposed hell... to change the person I was and to be a better man.


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

heartsbeating said:


> Hello ladies (and gentlemen too), what did you do and how did you celebrate your 40th birthday?
> 
> How did you feel going into your 40s?
> 
> With that time in your life in mind, if you were to give yourself some advice knowing what you know now, what would it be?


Ah...the 40th bday..... :\

I had hoped to have a semi-big party in our new home that we just purchased... H is always slow on the upbeat, so I made sure to let him know what I really wanted as I hardly ever asked for anything before. Hinted never worked, so I said what I wanted. Looking back, I realized that I should have just done the whole thing by myself for myself...but I was still hoping that H would do something nice for me.

What I got...nothing...I was really hurt and upset and angry and made it very clear how I felt...which H played off as no big deal...The kids made me some handmade cards, which is great because I love that kind of stuff from the kiddos.

This is when I hit bottom and realized that I deserve better than someone who always put me last and never cared about what I wanted. I started IC and then several months later treated myself to a gnarly ass tattoo...which then started the spiral down of my marriage.

Age had never really mattered much to me...I don't feel old, but now I feel like I am seeing things with new eyes.

I am currently trying to live MY life to the fullest, without regard to my H. I can only make ME happy and I am doing everything I can to get myself there.

I turn 42 next month and I'm thinking of planning an out of town alone trip...or maybe not so alone...

Happy 40s and beyond everyone!!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

He played it off like it was no big deal? The inconsiderate inaction would have been hurtful, particularly when you communicated what you wanted. But... it sounds like you're navigating your 40s with new eyes, a refreshed perspective, and taking things into stride and looking out for yourself. Happy (advanced) birthday wishes to you for next month!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Well I'm gonna be 50 next month.. so that should make you feel a little better... 

I was talking to a woman today who said she knew someone who cried all day.. and another who took off , left the house.. didn't want any phone calls wishing her happy anything (that was 50 though.. not 40)..... 

I don't remember celebrating anything when I hit 40... but looking back.. this last decade has been the most exciting, the most sexual, the most romantic years of our marriage.. I look back with a number of what I would call those "Mountain top" moments ...if anything.. wow, will I ever miss our 40's ! Even with his slowing down a bit.. I was flying high... I felt on top of the world... I remember wanting to Stop Time, this being our best years, with the ages of the kids.. things like that.. 

Really... I don't like getting older at all, our looks slowly fade & as the years creep along.. we can expect more health issues to come upon us - but if you still feel young... Celebrate it [email protected]# Dance... do what's on your *Bucket list*.. this is something I went after in my 40's...all those things I said I always wanted to do.. try.. go see.. but kept saying "It can wait"... I realized Life is only going to pass us by... LIVE NOW...Enjoy!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I don't remember celebrating anything when I hit 40... but looking back.. this last decade has been the most exciting, the most sexual, the most romantic years of our marriage.. I look back with a number of what I would call those "Mountain top" moments ...if anything.. wow, will I ever miss our 40's ! Even with his slowing down a bit.. I was flying high... I felt on top of the world... I remember wanting to Stop Time, this being our best years, with the ages of the kids.. things like that..
> 
> Really... I don't like getting older at all, our looks slowly fade & as the years creep along.. we can expect more health issues to come upon us - but if you still feel young... Celebrate it [email protected]# Dance... do what's on your *Bucket list*.. this is something I went after in my 40's...all those things I said I always wanted to do.. try.. go see.. but kept saying "It can wait"... I realized Life is only going to pass us by... LIVE NOW...Enjoy!


This was really uplifting to read. How wonderful that you enjoyed your 40s so much! I have a feeling you will enjoy your 50s just as much. Thank you for sharing how you have felt. 'Mountain top' moments, I love that.

Birthday celebrations are important to me. Actually, any excuse to celebrate life and arrange fun things! My 30th birthday, to be memorable, I chose something out of my comfort zone. Being scared of heights, I went with something to challenge that. And the fear well and truly kicked in. I froze. Group setting. Painfully aware that my fear was delaying the rest of the group and that I couldn't turn back. Somehow my husband managed to gently coax me out of frozen mode and on to achievement. It remains one of my most cherished memories. 

For my 40th, I have again been considering something out of my comfort zone. Why can't I just go to a day spa like a normal person? With feeble attempts at cooking in the past, I'm considering a cooking class with our friends. As ridiculous as it sounds, cooking remains to be intimidating to me! Another thing I've been too scared to try is horse riding. I couldn't say they're 'bucket list' moments. More 'stuff that could be fun' if I embraced it. 

Approaching 40, I have noticed certain thoughts creep in about life direction but in the next breath, I feel so damn grateful for being here, for all the experiences that keep me simultaneously on my toes and settled. I really like the sentiment about understanding and trusting in the timing of things. Basically, to let go.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> For my 40th, I have again been considering something out of my comfort zone. Why can't I just go to a day spa like a normal person? With feeble attempts at cooking in the past, I'm considering a cooking class with our friends. As ridiculous as it sounds, cooking remains to be intimidating to me! *Another thing I've been too scared to try is horse riding.* I couldn't say they're 'bucket list' moments. More 'stuff that could be fun' if I embraced it.


I grew up around horses and competed in saddlebred shows. Of everyone taking lessons, it was basically teenagers or younger. Mostly spoiled little girls that got on my nerves, so I gave that up in favor of water skiing when I was about 15. 

I'm not sure if horseback riding lessons will be something you might like, unless you will enjoy hearing all the gossip about what Billy Jenkins did to Samantha in Mr Whitmire's 8th grade science class. I googled what the group of students look like taking horseback, and yep, this is them:










So if you do take lessons, make it a point to take something separate from all the kids. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

I was single at the time. I didn't end up planning any of it.

My last GF knew I had not connected with a new one and neither had she, so she dropped by the Sunday prior to my 40th with a bottle of wine and said she figured there would be nothing wrong with us reliving the sensuality we enjoyed during our 6 months together.

A woman I'd just met, and was interested in came over on the day and said this was early for her in a relationship, but a birthday seemed as good a reason as any to overcome the usual sexual shyness. We ended up dating only a few months, though.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

After 40 it is all decay. 

It becomes all about controlling the rate of decay.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> After 40 it is all decay.
> 
> It becomes all about controlling the rate of decay.


This made me laugh!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Well, there are many times I've been inspired by TAM. And @Satya I'm now thinking of _dancing_ my way into the big 4-0! It's something Batman and I can learn and share in together. Great for fitness too! We were at a festival recently and an older couple took the lead on the dance floor and I was secretly in awe.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

Turning 40, I decided I was no longer going to stay in my failed marriage. I saw life as fleeting and knew I deserved more. This was not midlife crisis so much as recognizing that I would not continue in my current circumstances and that tomorrow is not promised to any of us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

heartsbeating said:


> Well, there are many times I've been inspired by TAM. And @Satya I'm now thinking of _dancing_ my way into the big 4-0! It's something Batman and I can learn and share in together. Great for fitness too! We were at a festival recently and an older couple took the lead on the dance floor and I was secretly in awe.


I think that our 40's are our last call to start regularly eating healthy and regularly exercising to still feel great going into our 50's and 60's. The only physical difference I've noticed is that recovery takes a day longer than it did 20 years ago.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

notmyrealname4 said:


> While I am in total agreement about living a healthy lifestyle (always have believed in it); at some point, it doesn't work anymore. Well, it works til about 48,49.. or so???
> 
> For *me*, there have been changes for the last couple of years that no amount of exercise, vitamins, fresh fruits and whole grains, slathering myself in skin products; will do anything to change.
> 
> ...


Yes, nothing stops the aging process. Getting to a healthy weight, keeping muscles strong, and controlling blood pressure in our 40's usually makes life much easier when we are in our 50's and 60's. As a side gig, I have organized many tour groups to visit another country. The groups mostly consisted of retired Americans. It was easily to see the difference between those that took care of themselves and those that didn't. Some could not walk more than two blocks without needing to stop and rest, and in one case, light up a cigarette while catching his breath. 

I'm not into extreme diets. I mostly just try to limit sugary stuff.


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## Sinner (Oct 23, 2016)

For me, turning 40 was no big deal. It was four (almost five) years ago. I was working part-time and my H took the kids to the store to pick me out a bday cake. They presented it to me when I got home and sang me Happy Birthday. It was sweet. 

We typically have never made a big deal out of bdays, except for the kids' bdays. We have never cared whether we celebrate or not, or whether we get cards or gifts. So when I got a bday cake, it was actually pretty special.

What would I have told myself then that I know now? WELL... naturally I would have told myself to make sure my H never met the OW that has destroyed our marriage, and to do everything in my power to keep them from hooking up. When I turned 40, I was complacent and content and had NO idea there was going to be this awful turmoil in my future. 

As a hopeless cynic though, I have to agree with Bandit.45's assessment.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Turning 40 was just another day, as I don't celebrate birthdays. I thought I wanted grandchildren soon, then I got a ferret and realized I was glad to have had my kids in my 20's. I am wiser, in that I don't put up with BS. I just don't believe how time has flied by.


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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

heartsbeating said:


> Hello ladies (and gentlemen too), what did you do and how did you celebrate your 40th birthday?
> 
> How did you feel going into your 40s?
> 
> With that time in your life in mind, if you were to give yourself some advice knowing what you know now, what would it be?


Nothing, absolutely nothing, just like every other birthday during my married life. Well, except the one year he took me out (had to cover up the cheating or so he thought).

I dreaded it, but not because of age. I dreaded it because it was just like every other birthday and it always made me feel awful because nobody seemed to care.

My advice to myself would have been to divorce then, not wait 7 more years. 

Sorry to sound so down about it. I get moody in my birthday month until it passes.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I celebrated by getting glasses. Seriously, almost as soon as I turned 40 my eyesight went down hill. Everything else works just fine, thank God! I had never even considered glasses, but now I need them for driving.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

TX-SC said:


> I celebrated by getting glasses. Seriously, almost as soon as I turned 40 my eyesight went down hill. Everything else works just fine, thank God! I had never even considered glasses, but now I need them for driving.


I had a medical recently... no diabetes, normal blood pressure, signs of good health... the eyesight test. Reading the bottom line with one eye covered, I wondered when they started making those letters blurred. The doctor held a light to the chart as it was in a shadow. Read with the other eye, completely clear. Doctor figured it was the shadow, back to the initial eye, nope still blurred. They don't make those eye charts like they used to!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

My thirtieth birthday sucked. I sat home alone with a 6 pack of beer while my x was out. So for my 40th I wanted to go all out. I picked an all inclusive in Mexico and drank, ate, scuba dived, and got laid all week long. One of the best vacations I have ever taken


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