# Am I alone in this?



## sadlostlonelyandconfused (Jan 24, 2011)

This is my second post, I'm just so unsure of what to do. Been married 2 years, have a child. My husband is military so our lives are stressful to begin with. Recently he told me he didn't trust me and isn't sure he ever has. I've never been unfaithful, never even thought about it. He says it's his own insecurities that make him act the way he does. He's not a violent person, but his words often hurt. He's always angry, 95% of the time he's pissed off at something. When he is, he totally shuts down. Won't tell me what's wrong, and won't speak to me unless it's to complain about something I did (or didn't do). We've just lost all communication. He's a jerk! He said coming home to me puts him in a bad mood. We recently found out I was pregnant and lost the baby. While I'm upset (and in the ER alone because he refused to take me) he's at home saying oh well, it's in the past now nothing we can do. He knows he needs help for his mood swings and how he feels coming home to me. He completely refuses any form of help. He won't go to counseling with or without me. I'm just not happy. He says he wants to make it work, but he won't put in any effort to try. I can only tolerate it for so long before I can't anymore. Out of our 2 years of marriage he was deployed for 1, and came home a totally different person. He was never in the war zone, never saw any action. I just don't know what else to do if he refuses to get help with me to try and make it work. I don't want my son being influenced by his anger and temper and grow up to be like his father. It makes me so sad but I literally am at a loss. Any suggestions on what I can possibly do to help him see we NEED counseling? 
I should mention if I even so much as bring up the subject, he gets so pissed at me we don't talk for days
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HM3 (Aug 18, 2010)

I feel terrible for you. Your situation sounds awful, and I am really sorry you are going through this. You need a way to talk to him about his behaviour. He has to go to counselling, and I'm not talking marriage counselling, but him on his own for his behaviour. You have to tell him you want to talk about this and he is an adult, so he shouldn't be giving you the silence treatment. You also need to put your foot down that you cannot continue the way things are. Tell him what will happen if he doesn't seek counselling, and then stick to it. 

Do you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells? If so, can you continue your whole life with him like that? You're pregnant and he is not even taking you to the ER. That is not right. I recommend that you read the Lundy Bancroft book called In the Minds of Angry Men. Please read it and see if you see your husband in that - it might help you.

Take care and I hope your situation gets resolved soon. Please try and stay healthy for you and your little one. x


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Well, you could talk to his CO...but that would probably be a BAD idea. They can make him do things you can't. Again..probably a bad idea. Unfortunately you may have to risk losing your marriage to save it. With no guarantees that it will be saved.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.


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## zohaib (Dec 24, 2010)

Try to talk him and make him agree for a conversation first through your extreme love..
Then tell him if it wud b like this only then wat will b the result..

Help him whether he want it or not..!

but remember one thing dont do it upto this extent that u loose ur own value.

firstly try to converse with him and you can do it by showing your love only..


hope it will help u....


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

a.) Mentioning that he wasn't "in the war zone, never saw any action" is probably a bad idea. You are minimizing his job and making it seem like he doesn't have a REASON to need help. Bad, bad idea.

b.) Its quite possible that he does have some mild PTSD. Does he say he is "numb"? Constantly irritable? Never wants to do anything other than drink and watch TV/play videogames? If he was NOT like this before he went and he is now, he might need to see someone to make sure he doesn't have PTSD. If it just festers without help it can get much worse.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Ask him how long does he think your marriage can go on like this. Since he won't go to counseling to help then what does he suggest the two of you do within the marriage.
Since he doesn't like what you propose maybe he can come up with a better suggestion.


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