# Husband is addicted



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sorry but this really isn't going to get better. Get you stuff in order and divorce. See a lawyer so you'll know what the options are for you. Don't tell him you are seeing a lawyer. Do you have a job?

He's looking to share. He wants to be a cuckhold or he's gay. His behavior means as some point he will also start to pressure you. None of this is good. I don't see any chance of him changing. Stop wasting your life with a guy who wants to be your pimp.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Just for reference..... Does you husband watch porn (a lot)?


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

He looks up a lot of porn then when I catch him with it he lies but tells me he doesn’t lie


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Do you really have to ask? He is a terrible influence on the children and surely posting your pictures on line against your will is illegal? 
Sadly you over looked the red flags and married a man with low moral values.
I wouldn't want a man like that influencing my children.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Oh, good Lord! Stop providing pics and videos. Threaten to turn him into the cops because what he has done is illegal. 

He acts like a dog humping legs. Ewww. He needs to get his addiction under control. And, grow the hell up.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Married&confused15 said:


> He looks up a lot of porn then when I catch him with it he lies but tells me he doesn’t lie


Of course he lies. As well as all the other awful things he does.


----------



## Helping Hand (Sep 8, 2020)

Married&confused15 said:


> We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???


Are you sure he loves you ? I doubt, because if he do then he wouldnt have ever thought of sharing your pics and videos with anyone, trust me its a fact.

Final verdict : Pack your bags and dump him at once


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

Anastasia6 said:


> Sorry but this really isn't going to get better. Get you stuff in order and divorce. See a lawyer so you'll know what the options are for you. Don't tell him you are seeing a lawyer. Do you have a job?
> 
> He's looking to share. He wants to be a cuckhold or he's gay. His behavior means as some point he will also start to pressure you. None of this is good. I don't see any chance of him changing. Stop wasting your life with a guy who wants to be your pimp.


I do work and I am also in school. He does pressure me to have sex with him to the point where I don’t enjoy it at all anymore. The two children we have are his kids not biologically mine. When we were dating and in the bedroom fantasying and role playing was fun but now I see that he is trying to make it a reality I am not cool with that.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Is he an outlaw MC guy, like an actual big bad biker? If so that might present some actual unfortunate problems. If not and they’re not your kids and you’re not happy you can just leave?


----------



## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Run away from this fool.


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

ccpowerslave said:


> Is he an outlaw MC guy, like an actual big bad biker? If so that might present some actual unfortunate problems. If not and they’re not your kids and you’re not happy you can just leave?


How would that present problems?


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> Is he an outlaw MC guy, like an actual big bad biker? If so that might present some actual unfortunate problems. If not and they’re not your kids and you’re not happy you can just leave?





Married&confused15 said:


> *This time he is pretending to be me* and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos *it makes him feel more like a man*


LOL Does this sound like an actual big bad biker?


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

Why would I leave my home that I have built. Why can’t I make him leave with his children?


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

Blondilocks said:


> LOL Does this sound like an actual big bad biker?


To answer you he was but has been out for years now. Right before we started dating we were friends when he was in.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Married&confused15 said:


> What do I do???


What you describe your husband doing is likely related to his suppressed bisexuality/homosexuality being explored via proxy. As in he was raised to believe only traditional heterosexual relationships were acceptable. Being a "big bad biker" sounds like a social support system that would likely humiliate and ridicule those with an alternate sexual orientation. 

What do I mean by proxy? This means that he is using you as a way to attract and interact with other men sexually. Because you are female it is easy to for him to label all these interactions as heterosexual and allowable. 

I could be wrong but from what I have read in psychology books about non-monogamy, this seems like the dynamic you are describing.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Married&confused15 said:


> To answer you he was but has been out for years now. Right before we started dating we were friends when he was in.


He ain't no kind of man.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

As for what can you do???

You can accept your husband for who he is, but it sounds as if he can't accept himself. So there is not much you can do.


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

So what do I do?


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It is spelled D I V O R C E.


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Married&confused15 said:


> We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???


First thing is you need to find and wipe any copies of all of these pictures. Your husband has a real problem and even after you separate and ultimately divorce if he still has any he will be sharing them. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he escalated to uploading them to porn sites. 

Your husband is a rear breed of creepy. He is addicted to these behaviors, he won't stop and will probably get worse. *You might even need to get law enforcement involved*. Get the pictures and do some google image searches to see if there are any publicly online already. 

Get to a lawyer immediately.


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

Have any of you dealt with something like this?


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Married&confused15 said:


> We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???


He sure is a great friend to his horny buddy, but has less than zero respect for his wife. He really doesn't seem to value you more than just a piece of meat. For your sake and for your daughters you have to get out of there. He's a filthy example of a man and you DO NOT want your daughters to think this is normal and acceptable behavior.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Married&confused15 said:


> Have any of you dealt with something like this?


A biker husband with homosexual tendencies and a desire to share his wife. Not likely to find too many people with your exact situation. 

You don't need someone with an similar experience when there is so much going on that you don't like. Are you just looking for someone to tell you a way to fix this so you can stay with him?

I didn't see at first that the girls aren't yours. Where is there mothers? Even if they aren't your I assume you have some attachment and care for them after 6-7 years, so I can see why you haven't already jumped ship.


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

BigDaddyNY said:


> A biker husband with homosexual tendencies and a desire to share his wife. Not likely to find too many people with your exact situation.
> 
> You don't need someone with an similar experience when there is so much going on that you don't like. Are you just looking for someone to tell you a way to fix this so you can stay with him?
> 
> I didn't see at first that the girls aren't yours. Where is there mothers? Even if they aren't your I assume you have some attachment and care for them after 6-7 years, so I can see why you haven't already jumped ship.


Their mother was physically abusive to them this is how he received custody. Of course I am attached to them, I just lost my brother which would have been the person I would have ran to and two days after loosing him is when I find out about the stuff with the friend. I also have my disabled mother living with me trying not to uproot her. I don’t trust my husband and I know that he has a tracker on my phone he says it’s because I have a seizure disorder but I don’t believe that. If I were to talk to a lawyer one would have to come to me at work and hopefully my husband wouldn’t show up which he does often


----------



## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

This “man” sounds awful. I’m so sorry you are in this situation.

you deserve WAY better. Everything this guy is doing is well beyond unreasonable. He’s trying to pimp you out and I wouldn’t doubt if he starts cheating soon if he hasnt already.

considering the nice things you do for him, I would say it wouldn’t be hard for you at all to find a quality man that would treat you with respect.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Married&confused15 said:


> How would that present problems?


Likely violent person who doesn’t obey laws, what could go wrong?


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Married&confused15 said:


> Their mother was physically abusive to them this is how he received custody. Of course I am attached to them, I just lost my brother which would have been the person I would have ran to and two days after loosing him is when I find out about the stuff with the friend. I also have my disabled mother living with me trying not to uproot her. I don’t trust my husband and I know that he has a tracker on my phone he says it’s because I have a seizure disorder but I don’t believe that. If I were to talk to a lawyer one would have to come to me at work and hopefully my husband wouldn’t show up which he does often


So don't take your phone to the lawyer's office. Leave it at work and go to your appointment.


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

Good point from both of you


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Married&confused15 said:


> Have any of you dealt with something like this?


I have run into guys like this yes. These guy try and bs their way into the swinging community all the time. I have found them to seem mentally ill, they are so wrapped up in the fantasy they think if they can just get their wives alone with other men or another couple she will suddenly be into the idea. It is almost a psychosis, your husband is in denial that he has a serious problem. You might also want to sweep your house, bedroom, bathroom, anywhere you could be caught naked or engaging in sexual activity, and look for hidden cameras. This can go very deep and be very dark and over time he will likely get worse. Guys like your husband were a major factor in my wife and I deciding to step back from the lifestyle. Talk to a lawyer make a plan and RUN.


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

Thank you for all the advice I have a lot to do and think about


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Married&confused15 said:


> We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???


He wants you to dress provocatively in front of your daughters?!?!?! ..... This has more red than the chinese communist flag. In my opinion, he needs medical help from a psychiatrist today. He seems like a sex addict and borderline child predator.

I don't believe there is anything off limits in the bedroom between two married people who are into it. But him trying to farm you out like a pimp to friends is about as low and disrespectful as it gets right above physical abuse.

You need to get off this forum and get those kids out of there and lay down some rules with him..... 4-5 times a day masturbating, I didn’t even do that when I was a pimple faced glass of testosterone discovering porn at 15 lol.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This is just plain nuts. 

This is the female equivalent of the guys that marry strippers and then complain that they keep going to the strip clubs, taking guys back to the boom boom room and blowing guys for extra cash in the parking lot. 

You can't change him. There isn't any magic phrase or pearls of wisdom that will make him slap his forehead and say, "Oh man, I see what you mean, I'll turn into a normal husband and father now!" 

This is about you and what you can do. 

You decide if this is where you want to be and if this is how you want to live your life or not. If so, at least see if he'll charge his buddies for your nakey pictures and blow jobs so you can at least get the kitchen remodeled the way you want. 

If that's not how you want to spend the rest of your life then get a lawyer and start working on getting a restraining order and divorce plan.

If you are afraid for your physical safety to even get to a lawyer then contact the domestic abuse organization in your area for assistance. 

You picked a bad egg and rotten eggs do not magically turn good. you either find a way to live with it or you get away from it.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

And also, a lot of these things aren't an addiction. It's bad character and bad behaviour.


----------



## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Sometimes the bad boys don't work out. Example, this guy.

You reap what you sow....


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Married&confused15 said:


> We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom.


Sad to say, but you got what you went after. The whole enchilada. The bad boy aint so great now. Being a bad boy he is doing what the bad ones do. Isnt passing “the old lady” around to rest of guys in the club part of the deal? Why are you surprised.

Hope you aren’t living in the situation in “Hotel California”. Your bad boy n his buddies could make life unpleasant if you try to leave.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Married&confused15 said:


> Why would I leave my home that I have built. Why can’t I make him leave with his children?


You don't have to leave your home. But you can get out of your marriage. You need to see a lawyer who can help you end this marriage and get him and his kids out of your house.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Married&confused15 said:


> We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???


You need to leave him and take the kids with you. What he's doing in front of the kids is awful. You should report him to child Protective services and they can get the ball rolling. He's abusive. Putting your photos on the internet without your permission is illegal. They're all over it now. They will likely affect your employment sometime in the future. Your kids are in danger from this. Get the hell out and get custody of your kids. CPS will see to it.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> You don't have to leave your home. But you can get out of your marriage. You need to see a lawyer who can help you end this marriage and get him and his kids out of your house.


Trouble is she is in situation similar to member trying to leave the mob. Lawyers n law enforcement are no help. She will need to secretly carefully plan her escape. Similar to going into witness protection. Having two kids that aren’t hers complicates the exit even more.

Stories about women trying to escape in local news nearly every night.

A cautionary story for anyone thinking to hook up with a bad boy ( or girl)


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Married&confused15 said:


> Their mother was physically abusive to them this is how he received custody. Of course I am attached to them, I just lost my brother which would have been the person I would have ran to and two days after loosing him is when I find out about the stuff with the friend. I also have my disabled mother living with me trying not to uproot her. I don’t trust my husband and I know that he has a tracker on my phone he says it’s because I have a seizure disorder but I don’t believe that. If I were to talk to a lawyer one would have to come to me at work and hopefully my husband wouldn’t show up which he does often


There are different ways you can deal with the tracker issue.

You could just remove it and tell him that you are not ok with it any longer. Just stand up to him on this issue.
These days a lot of attorneys are ok with zoom meetings (or other types of video calls). You might not need to go their office. If you feel you can't do this on your cell phone 'cause your husband can find o9ut about the call, get a burner phone.
You could just leave your cell phone at work, or with someone you know, while you go to an appointment with your attorney.
You could choose an attorney whose office is near a place you would go shopping. Park your car at the store and walk or take an uber to the attorney's office. Or maybe an attorney near your doctor's office.
Do you have an office or other private place at your job where you could do phone appointments?


----------



## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Sounds like hubby has completely bought into the lie of porn and sounds like he may have uploaded videos of you to some porn sites. Perhaps he’s even profiting from it.

I’d take a few days and perhaps even hire a private investigator (with serious computer skills) that can figure out how far this actually goes. Who knows, you could be a popular amateur porn star and not even know it. I’m so sorry sister. This is certainly grounds for an annulment. Stay safe- he sounds mentally ill and dangerous.


----------



## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

I stopped reading not that far into it. That is way beyond a violation. It runs so deep.
It's time to get as far away from this whole thing as possible. This man sees you as sex trade bait. It was so piggish and disgusting (what he had done) that I stopped reading. 

Please, for you, get as far away from this as possible, don't look back. Don't keep looking for there is only more filth and sticky goo that you don't need.

ETA: explain to your D attorney whatever he wants to know from what you told us. Then proceed to the financial papers and get a good idea of what that looks like. 
This is now down to dissolution of a very bad business deal and whatever that brings with it. Just do it. OUT.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Married&confused15 said:


> So what do I do?


At a bare minimum you need marriage counseling.


----------



## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Married&confused15 said:


> So what do I do?


Hmm... what you do is set, maintain and enforce proper boundaries.

Honestly, you should already have been gone, but you're still there so let's not talk about the past anymore.

You tell him not to do this and he does it. You find out he's done it again and again and you're still with him.

What does that tell him? It tells him that he may keep doing this because you're not going to leave him.

I can't believe how much he's disrespected you.

Look, it's not your fault your so called husband is this way, that's completely on him.

That you're still with a so called man like this is on you though.


OP, think of this way.

Why should your husband stop doing this? I get it, because it's wrong, it's despicable etc. But, he doesn't care about that obviously.

Really, from his point of view, considering he's done this over and over, WHY should he stop?

To this point, he knows you won't do anything. You'll huff and you'll puff and then it will blow over.

He's good with that, obviously as that's what has been happening.

It's up to you to make, create some sort of consequence for him.

Maybe call an attorney or the cops to see what could be done to him, arrest him or something. Revenge porn, I don't know really, tis why I'm saying to call an attorney.

But, that's if you want to try and stay with this man.

If I were in your shoes, I'd be gone.

So, when you ask what can you do.

You need to create consequences for him, REAL ones, up to and including divorcing him honestly.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

A18S37K14H18 said:


> Maybe call an attorney or the cops to see what could be done to him, arrest him or something.


i cant tell you how many cases on just our local news where doing what you suggest has resulted in MAJOR escalation by the perpetrator.

IMO that is a very bad idea. OP surely knows how much violence her bad boy is capable of. Besides threatening his creds with his gang friends from her not performing porn on command, she is now going to have him arrested??!! Do you have any idea how long person arrested for even murder stays locked up before bonding out? They often are back on the street seeking revenge before cops finish their paperwork.


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

I want to thank everyone for your advice but I also want to make something real clear. When I met my husband he was a very kind gentle man he only played the bad boy image in the bedroom with me. Never showed it outside until after we got married. Otherwise there would have never had been a wedding once we were married all of a sudden within 6 months we had full custody of his kids and he did a 360. I had no idea what was going on. When I brought it to his attention he would stop and go back to the man I fell in love with and then a year later BAM again I would have to say something. I didn’t find out about all this stuff where his friends are concerned until 12/2021 when my brother died and come to find out he has been doing it for more than 2 years. I am still grieving the loss of my brother hince me coming her instead of going to the only person I could turn to which was MY BROTHER. I am a little lost and I know I could do the lawyer thing just a little afraid of what might happen when I am also taking care of my sick mother.


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

badsanta said:


> At a bare minimum you need marriage counseling.


I have suggested that with him and well he said he won’t see a quack with a fake doctorate.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Married&confused15 said:


> We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???


addicted?
not necessarily.
you two had a very sexy, maybe pushing the edge, marriage.
then the kids came. Did you think that thru? Birth Control was available, for instance (or were they his kids from a former marriage?)

He is horny, and wants more of what he married you for. so you had better figure out how to satisfy him.
You really can not say "we can not have sex anymore because we have kids now!". that was never part of the marriage agreement.

that being said, i do not know many sexual sites where they are ok with one person uploading photos and videos without the person being filmed's permission! It is just unethical bad form on his part.

there are others on TAM that have direct experience with swinging and swinger websites. I will let them chime in. but i bet they will say the swinging does not work at all unless both parties want it.

So...what can you do to up your sexuality with hubby, without swinging or putting on a show for the kids. A good bedroom door lock would be smart. Can you drop the kids off with your mom and dad once in a while for a weekend of wild sex at home?

and i am 100% with your hubby on this one....when i come home from a long day's work, i want to see my wife in a sexy skirt and top. If you get all dressed up to go to work, then put sweat pants on at night when he sees you....that is simply not going to work!! rethink that priority order, you are trying to impress your husband, not strangers at work or during the day


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Married&confused15 said:


> I have suggested that with him and well he said he won’t see a quack with a fake doctorate.


Honesty, I think the very least you can do is divorce him and GTFO!

He sounds like a freak who played nice, wrapped you around his finger and worked you over so it would be hard to leave. Please love yourself enough to help yourself, there's absolutely nothing to work with here.


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

Talker67 said:


> addicted?
> not necessarily.
> you two had a very sexy, maybe pushing the edge, marriage.
> then the kids came. Did you think that thru? Birth Control was available, for instance (or were they his kids from a former marriage?)
> ...


I can agree with being sexual with him and him only! When he forces me or manipulates me to have sex instead of being sexual himself it’s not very inviting. I did say before that role playing is not something I am against but I don’t want to hear how he wants this person or that person to do this or that to me while I am trying to have a good night with my husband. Impressing him with different outfits is not an issue I do that all the time it’s when he gets to rough or still tries to set me up with his friends without my knowledge and sending them my pictures


----------



## Married&confused15 (Jan 14, 2022)

Married&confused15 said:


> I can agree with being sexual with him and him only! When he forces me or manipulates me to have sex instead of being sexual himself it’s not very inviting. I did say before that role playing is not something I am against but I don’t want to hear how he wants this person or that person to do this or that to me while I am trying to have a good night with my husband. Impressing him with different outfits is not an issue I do that all the time it’s when he gets to rough or still tries to set me up with his friends without my knowledge and sending them my pictures


I guess I forgot to say he is retired so he doesn’t work I do. So when I come home from working 16 hours a day I like to relax


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Married&confused15 said:


> I can agree with being sexual with him and him only! When he forces me or manipulates me to have sex instead of being sexual himself it’s not very inviting. I did say before that role playing is not something I am against but I don’t want to hear how he wants this person or that person to do this or that to me while I am trying to have a good night with my husband. Impressing him with different outfits is not an issue I do that all the time it’s when he gets to rough or still tries to set me up with his friends without my knowledge and sending them my pictures


Don't bother to argue with him, he obviously didn't read your situation well enough before he mouthed off. Your situation is quite frankly disgusting and terrifying.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Married&confused15 said:


> So when I come home from working 16 hours a day I like to relax


Damn. So I haven’t worked 16 hours in one day in many years but I’m a bit of a freak so I’d still want to have sex.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You need to leave him and take the kids with you. What he's doing in front of the kids is awful. You should report him to child Protective services and they can get the ball rolling. He's abusive. Putting your photos on the internet without your permission is illegal. They're all over it now. They will likely affect your employment sometime in the future. Your kids are in danger from this. Get the hell out and get custody of your kids. CPS will see to it.


I believe they are his children.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> I believe they are his children.


I bet she could still get custody or else if the mother is okay she could. Either way he needs to be reported to CPS.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Married&confused15 said:


> Why would I leave my home that I have built. Why can’t I make him leave with his children?


You can. You get a lawyer and file for divorce. 



Married&confused15 said:


> Their mother was physically abusive to them this is how he received custody. Of course I am attached to them, I just lost my brother which would have been the person I would have ran to and two days after loosing him is when I find out about the stuff with the friend. I also have my disabled mother living with me trying not to uproot her. I don’t trust my husband and I know that he has a tracker on my phone he says it’s because I have a seizure disorder but I don’t believe that. If I were to talk to a lawyer one would have to come to me at work and hopefully my husband wouldn’t show up which he does often


In other words, he's real good at faking it and keeping up appearances to get what he wants...until he isn't.

Lawyers will work with you. Email, text, and video calls are a thing. No excuses.



oldshirt said:


> And also, a lot of these things aren't an addiction. It's bad character and bad behaviour.


Exactly! This is NOT an addiction. This is a guy with kinks who behaves badly. That's all. Garden variety skankyness, nothing more.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Married&confused15 said:


> We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???


Have him committed.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Have him committed.


Let’s not slander micro mini skirts. With responsible use (in the home) they’re quite alluring.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> ....He acts like a dog humping legs. Ewww. He needs to get his addiction under control. And, grow the hell up.


The usual way you cure a dog that humps legs is take them to the vet and "get the dog fixed" or neutered.

Unfortunately that is not usually legal or medically ethical.

And yes Ewww is the appropriate response to his behavior. 

The OP's husband sounds like he has a lot of problems with healthy social interactions. He obviously, needs a lot of maturing to go through at a husband, a parent, and a member of society. The bad boy biker should have been a real red flag during early dating, but maybe he can agree to some serious individual counseling or therapy.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Married&confused15 said:


> When I met my husband he was a very kind gentle man he only played the bad boy image in the bedroom with me. Never showed it outside until after we got married. Otherwise there would have never had been a wedding once we were married all of a sudden *within 6 months we had full custody of his kids and he did a 360*. I had no idea what was going on.


Ok, so which "persona" is the "real" husband and which is the act? Did he play the kind/gentle man to reel you in and get custody of his kids, or did he play the bad boy as in role-playing? Do you know any of his history before you met him? Has he spent time in the big house?

From your original post the mental picture I had was of a biker dude with all of the trappings and you liked the fast lane. My apologies, because from this post it seems you thought you were getting kind and gentle who could play the bad boy, but instead ended up with the bad boy wanting to hand you off to his buddies and sell you in porn videos.

If he just plays a bad boy but actually doesn't have the real capability, then by all means you need to get an attorney and file for D, stay in your house and kick him out. If he has custody of his girls then assume you have no custody rights at all. When they are old enough, they will have a say in where they live, If he is ACTUALLY a bad dude who is also a con-artist (a real possibility), I would advise extreme caution in how you extricate yourself from this situation. I sincerely hope it is the first situation, but in any case, there isn't anything you want to stay with. Run as fast as you can!


----------



## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> IMO that is a very bad idea.


OK, in your opinion, what should the OP do to extradite herself from this man then?

What steps should she take in your opinion.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

A18S37K14H18 said:


> OK, in your opinion, what should the OP do to extradite herself from this man then?
> 
> What steps should she take in your opinion.


If he is indeed dangerous, she should seek advice and help from support organization for battered women near her. Since she evidently has no nearby family to turn to ( she cares for her mother and her brother is deceased )

Do a search online for “Safe Escape Strategies to use When Escsping an Abusive Marriage” 

She should begin accumulating funds in an individual escape account. She should get a separate smartphone that her husband has no access to.

This is a long, complex, dangerous process.

Hopefully the husband is indeed a “kind man” pretending to be a bad boy and not the reverse.


----------



## verew (12 mo ago)

Your husband is very bad. I think you need to take advice from your lawyer and parents. And you can also complain to his parents because he is not treating you as a wife.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Post your name and address so we can have you and your husband arrested for sexual exploitation of your kids.

He is sick in the head having you dress sexually and performing sex acts in front of your kids. He needs to be buried under the jail.

You have failed to protect your kids by going along with it. You need to be in jail as well.

It sounds like your husband, with your help, is grooming your daughters to sexually abuse them.


----------



## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

OMG I really feel for you right now.. I have a husband who always seems to need things pushed a bit farther every time and it just makes it harder and harder for me to accept each new extreme. Please know that you don't deserve this treatment and I honestly think his next step is to push you into being with INE of these men he's been sharing your personal pictures and videos with. He's been hiding this for two years now how much more is he hiding 

You should be treated better and protected by him not shown around like a flavor or the week ..he needs to treat you like his wife


----------



## Justsurviving85 (Nov 8, 2020)

Married&confused15 said:


> We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???





BigDaddyNY said:


> He sure is a great friend to his horny buddy, but has less than zero respect for his wife. He really doesn't seem to value you more than just a piece of meat. For your sake and for your daughters you have to get out of there. He's a filthy example of a man and you DO NOT want your daughters to think this is normal and acceptable behavior.


well said and I agree 110%. I find it extremely troubling that he continues this even in front of his daughters. As sick and twisted as this is going to sound I would bet a coke it’s true. In his fantasy world he has some type of sexual thing drawn up and in this fantasy his daughters are a part of it. I’m not meaning they are involved in sex with him but more like he pictures them watching or he forces them to watch. I know that’s twisted but foreplay in front of your daughters is really twisted too


----------



## Justsurviving85 (Nov 8, 2020)

ABHale said:


> Post your name and address so we can have you and your husband arrested for sexual exploitation of your kids.
> 
> He is sick in the head having you dress sexually and performing sex acts in front of your kids. He needs to be buried under the jail.
> 
> ...


BINGO


----------



## Justsurviving85 (Nov 8, 2020)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> OMG I really feel for you right now.. I have a husband who always seems to need things pushed a bit farther every time and it just makes it harder and harder for me to accept each new extreme. Please know that you don't deserve this treatment and I honestly think his next step is to push you into being with INE of these men he's been sharing your personal pictures and videos with. He's been hiding this for two years now how much more is he hiding
> 
> You should be treated better and protected by him not shown around like a flavor or the week ..he needs to treat you like his wife


I know what you are saying about she doesn’t deserve this treatment but as long as she doesn’t expect better and even demand better he has proven things are only getting worse. Once the daughters enter the picture it becomes a totally different story. As one already said if she allows him to do this in front of their daughters she’s as guilty as he is there. What’s wrong with saying…. I’m not saying no. I’m actually saying Hell no!!! That’s going to end now


----------



## Justsurviving85 (Nov 8, 2020)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> He wants you to dress provocatively in front of your daughters?!?!?! ..... This has more red than the chinese communist flag. In my opinion, he needs medical help from a psychiatrist today. He seems like a sex addict and borderline child predator.
> 
> I don't believe there is anything off limits in the bedroom between two married people who are into it. But him trying to farm you out like a pimp to friends is about as low and disrespectful as it gets right above physical abuse.
> 
> You need to get off this forum and get those kids out of there and lay down some rules with him..... 4-5 times a day masturbating, I didn’t even do that when I was a pimple faced glass of testosterone discovering porn at 15 lol.


Yeah 5 times a day has no choice other than being a problem. That’s just not normal by any standards


----------



## Justsurviving85 (Nov 8, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> There are different ways you can deal with the tracker issue.
> 
> You could just remove it and tell him that you are not ok with it any longer. Just stand up to him on this issue.
> These days a lot of attorneys are ok with zoom meetings (or other types of video calls). You might not need to go their office. If you feel you can't do this on your cell phone 'cause your husband can find o9ut about the call, get a burner phone.
> ...


Or simply have him charged for exposing the daughters to his screwed up sex world. Unbelievable


----------

