# Online Affair



## blackball (Jan 24, 2014)

Yesterday I submitted a Thread about an online affair between my wife and another man.

As a result of a number of conversations with the OM wife I felt responsibility to remove the post to protect her and her children from any stress or further problems.

Thank you all for your comments and support. I will update on how things go with my wife soon.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Good luck getting it sorted.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

I really really respect you. You are a nice person. 
Good luck to you.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Yeah, he is sure going to need it. Did you read the post that was deleted? He is just protecting her after blatant cheating. Really too bad, I was working all day so didnt get a chance to post.

OP, please take care of yourself.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

It is hard to be the good guy when you are the only one around that seems to care about that!! HE obviously had no care for you yours wife, his wife, and his kids and it is hard to feel the same way, but good to see you doing the more honorable thing. I would contact his command and let it be known as a military person should have more integrity and not act like that let alone a man of the cloth shouldn't act and behave that way. I hope he gets his in the end.


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## blackball (Jan 24, 2014)

Squeakr said:


> It is hard to be the good guy when you are the only one around that seems to care about that!! HE obviously had no care for you yours wife, his wife, and his kids and it is hard to feel the same way, but good to see you doing the more honorable thing. I would contact his command and let it be known as a military person should have more integrity and not act like that let alone a man of the cloth shouldn't act and behave that way. I hope he gets his in the end.


I have to be responsible for his wife and children. I've talked to her and she made it clear, should he be found out then it would mean the end of his life in the armed forces. She is currently pregnant and would lose health care etc.
the impact to her and the other 2 kids would be massive, and whilst I don't regret telling her about her husband I don't want her to suffer anymore than she is already.
Yes my family is suffering, but we're not reliant on having to pay medical bills, or suffer financial ruin because my wife wouldn't lose her job.
I acknowledge there are 2 adults, 4 children and 1 bump who are innocent and need I to do the right thing for them.


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## blackball (Jan 24, 2014)

kitty2013 said:


> I really really respect you. You are a nice person.
> Good luck to you.


Thank you. I hope things go ok for you and you find a way to cope and manage.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You've done what is needed, by letting his wife know. You busted his game and exposed him for what he is. Now that she has the truth, she can make informed decisions about what she wants to do in her life. She and her family will deal with him from here on out, His employment had nothing to do with the affair. You didn't need to play that card to end the affair. You have plenty of your own work on your hands to keep you busy for a good while. 

Best


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I just read the first page of the thread and it disappeared. What is the short version as things stand now?

Have you contacted him to let him know you have evidence? Send him to cheaterville.com and ask him if he wants all the info there for someone to find when they google his name.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

blackball said:


> Yesterday I submitted a Thread about an online affair between my wife and another man.
> 
> As a result of a number of conversations with the OM wife I felt responsibility to remove the post to protect her and her children from any stress or further problems.
> 
> Thank you all for your comments and support. I will update on how things go with my wife soon.


You did it just right.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

You blew the A up so no need to drag his wife and kids through the mud. Good man. 

Sounds as if she is going to let him get away with it though.


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## blackball (Jan 24, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> I just read the first page of the thread and it disappeared. What is the short version as things stand now?
> 
> Have you contacted him to let him know you have evidence? Send him to cheaterville.com and ask him if he wants all the info there for someone to find when they google his name.


As things stand now, his wife is trying to make sense of it. He's confessed everything to her and they have a lot to talk about and get through. I do not plan on talking to his wife again, unless she feels the need to contact me. I may decide to message her in the future to see how she's getting on but that's it.
As for me, I've moved back into a house I own as I need time on my own for a while. I'm upset, very anger and clueless as to how I'm going to cope.
But I know whatever happens i'll still breathe every second and wake up every morning.
I've lost my rock and my best friend


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

blackball said:


> Thank you. I hope things go ok for you and you find a way to cope and manage.


You are welcome. 

I am not the BS. I had an online emotionally affair. Reading your thread makes me feel horrible about my past behavior. I will answer all your questions if you want to know the motivation and the mind of an online cheating wife.


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## blackball (Jan 24, 2014)

joe kidd said:


> You blew the A up so no need to drag his wife and kids through the mud. Good man.
> 
> Sounds as if she is going to let him get away with it though.


I wouldn't say get away with it. she's in a difficult place, but after speaking with her she comes across as very intelligent. I think she'll do what she feels is the right course of action. if that's to forgive and try to salvage what's left of her marriage then that's her decision.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

His wife and kids are not your concern. They are his. He wasn't worried about them when he was telling your wife how he was gonna screw her. 

You showed him mercy and I would make it know any more contact will result in him being exposed to his command. I do think you showed great compassion toward his family and I hope he knows it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blackball (Jan 24, 2014)

blackball said:


> I wouldn't say get away with it. she's in a difficult place, but after speaking with her she comes across as very intelligent. I think she'll do what she feels is the right course of action. if that's to forgive and try to salvage what's left of her marriage then that's her decision.





kitty2013 said:


> You are welcome.
> 
> I am not the BS. I had an online emotionally affair. Reading your thread makes me feel horrible about my past behavior. I will answer all your questions if you want to know the motivation and the mind of an online cheating wife.


Thank you for your offer and I will be very interested in your thoughts.


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## blackball (Jan 24, 2014)

movin on said:


> His wife and kids are not your concern. They are his. He wasn't worried about them when he was telling your wife how he was gonna screw her.
> 
> You showed him mercy and I would make it know any more contact will result in him being exposed to his command. I do think you showed great compassion toward his family and I hope he knows it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've shown his wife compassion and respect, I've ousted him to his wife.
He knows I know where he lives, works etc. Trust me he stands to lose a lot more should he try contacting my wife again.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

BB you took the high road......but you still need support through this. Keep posting if you can manage it.....and take or leave the advice you get, but it sure helps to just talk it out sometimes.

I am sorry your spouse is putting you through this.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

movin on said:


> You showed him mercy and I would make it know any more contact will result in him being exposed to his command.


Blackball, you should take note of this and relay it to him through his BW. You have the power to mess his career up terribly if he chooses to not toe the line.

Kudos to the way you're handling things though.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

what a mess.
i feel so bad for his wife. and you too. best of luck.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Counselling -couples, individual- may be of help.


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## blackball (Jan 24, 2014)

Thank you all for the support. I will take on board all your comments and advice on how to deal with this. I only joined the site today but already I know I'll get through this one way or another.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

blackball said:


> I have to be responsible for his wife and children. I've talked to her and she made it clear, should he be found out then it would mean the end of his life in the armed forces. She is currently pregnant and would lose health care etc.
> the impact to her and the other 2 kids would be massive, and whilst I don't regret telling her about her husband I don't want her to suffer anymore than she is already.
> Yes my family is suffering, but we're not reliant on having to pay medical bills, or suffer financial ruin because my wife wouldn't lose her job.
> I acknowledge there are 2 adults, 4 children and 1 bump who are innocent and need I to do the right thing for them.


I don't agree with this. You don't know that he was not using government resources to "date" your wife. I realize that you feel that you are responsible for what happens to that family, but that could not be farther from the truth. You are just delaying the inevitable. He will do it again (he was a regular on a fetish website, do you think this was his first go around at the rodeo)? He is probably doing it now, just it may no longer be with your wife. I feel no regret for people like him, as they have no conscience and care naught for anyone else. I would oust him to everyone, you owe them nothing just like they owe you nothing.


Did the wife sound upset, or more like "someone else to deal with again"? It appears to me that she knows too much about "what would happen" to his career, so I bet he has been in this situation before (making all the less upsetting to me to oust him)??? She is just praying to your good nature not to report the behavior. I just think they are lucky you are rug sweeping it and hope the next BH is as nice as you are.

CA has really good medical support for children, so they would get medical care either way (and the military med support is crap anyway).

I say this as I was faced with the same situation when my WW was involved with an "old boyfriend" that was the breadwinner for the family. I had no problems outing him no matter the outcome as he had the same outlook on life that everyone owed him and nothing he did was wrong or deserved judgement or discipline. He got what he wanted in the end.


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## blackball (Jan 24, 2014)

Squeakr said:


> I don't agree with this. You don't know that he was not using government resources to "date" your wife. I realize that you feel that you are responsible for what happens to that family, but that could not be farther from the truth. You are just delaying the inevitable. He will do it again (he was a regular on a fetish website, do you think this was his first go around at the rodeo)? He is probably doing it now, just it may no longer be with your wife. I feel no regret for people like him, as they have no conscience and care naught for anyone else. I would oust him to everyone, you owe them nothing just like they owe you nothing.
> 
> 
> Did the wife sound upset, or more like "someone else to deal with again"? It appears to me that she knows too much about "what would happen" to his career, so I bet he has been in this situation before (making all the less upsetting to me to oust him)??? She is just praying to your good nature not to report the behavior. I just think they are lucky you are rug sweeping it and hope the next BH is as nice as you are.
> ...


I've done what I felt was right, whether he chooses to do this again I don't give a **** to be honest, it's not my problem.
I've respected the wishes of his wife, who by the way is close to breakdown, pregnant and knew nothing of his fetish behaviour.
Whilst I did make the decision to tell her everything that went on. I have no desire to shatter the world for her and their kids. She is suffering emotionally enough at this moment in time, do I really want to put a financial burden on her too!!!!
She will decide if she wants to fight or flight.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

blackball said:


> I've done what I felt was right, whether he chooses to do this again I don't give a **** to be honest, it's not my problem.
> I've respected the wishes of his wife, who by the way is close to breakdown, pregnant and knew nothing of his fetish behaviour.
> Whilst I did make the decision to tell her everything that went on. I have no desire to shatter the world for her and their kids. She is suffering emotionally enough at this moment in time, do I really want to put a financial burden on her too!!!!
> She will decide if she wants to fight or flight.


You have enough on your plate. Hope you come through fine.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

One of the last places this om needs to be is in the Navy as a chaplain. He does not need to be counseling Navy families. Lord knows what he has pulled in his position. This is the same as rug sweeping what so many other clergymen did for decades.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

blackball said:


> I've done what I felt was right, whether he chooses to do this again I don't give a **** to be honest, it's not my problem.
> I've respected the wishes of his wife, who by the way is close to breakdown, pregnant and knew nothing of his fetish behaviour.
> Whilst I did make the decision to tell her everything that went on. I have no desire to shatter the world for her and their kids. She is suffering emotionally enough at this moment in time, do I really want to put a financial burden on her too!!!!
> She will decide if she wants to fight or flight.


Don't take my statements the wrong way, as I intended them not to challenge you on your decision . Just because I didn't agree with your decided course of action, doesn't mean I condemn you for it. I actually applaud you for being the better man and taking the high road. I was just pointing out how I would have reacted differently (but then again that is me). When I outed my WW's A to the OW, she stood to lose lots financially as well (and I somewhat felt bad) until I found out this was not his first A and that he told his kids that "mommy was throwing him out as he had a girlfriend and didn't love mommy anymore". I then felt no remorse for my actions as what type of man tells this to a 4 year old girl? The kind that is heartless and cares about no one, so I outted away.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Speaking of fetish, has your old lady gotten a good spanking?

My cheating wife took hers like a champ....I'm still not sure if she was crying cuz it hurt or she had to take it or leave.

It amazes me what a wayward will go thru to keep from getting kicked to the curb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> One of the last places this om needs to be is in the Navy as a chaplain. He does not need to be counseling *Anyone*. Lord knows what he has pulled in his position. This is the same as rug sweeping what so many other clergymen did for decades.


Fixed it for you, as they council not only Navy and their families, but the Marines and their families as well. I was in the Marines and some of the most respected and revered men in uniform are the Chaplains for all they do and assist with to the troops and families in their time of needs. They hold lots of clout when it comes to helping with the ranks. He doesn't need to be making some other unsuspecting member of the military family his *****!!!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> Fixed it for you, as they council not only Navy and their families, but the Marines and their families as well. I was in the Marines and some of the most respected and revered men in uniform are the Chaplains for all they do and assist with to the troops and families in their time of needs. They hold lots of clout when it comes to helping with the ranks. He doesn't need to be making some other unsuspecting member of the military family his *****!!!


Also, he might use his position to influence someone under his care to do bad things.

There was a vicar (pastor) who was approached by a parishioner who wanted help to overcome his paedophilic tendencies. Sadly the vicar was also a dyed-in-the-wool paedophile, so managed to entrap the parishioner in a wicked lifestyle that eventually netted both of them substantial jail terms.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

blackball said:


> Thank you for your offer and I will be very interested in your thoughts.


I cannot speak for your wife because I am not her, but I can at least tell you what was in my mind and my opinion on your wife's online affair:


*I gave myself reasons to believe it was not an affair.* 

I was bored. 

I was lonely. Even though I was surrounded by people, I still felt lonely. 

I enjoyed living in fantasy because reality was ugly. 

I had a lot of unwanted events happened to me in the past. I sympathized with the OM when he told me about himself. 

When I accepted the fact that I was in an EA, I tried to end it. I had to convince myself first. The online affair finally ended. 

I failed to think of my husband's feeling. I did not realize how much my husband loves me until I saw how much I hurt him. *I was unable to interpret his love language. *

I believe your wife does not love the OM. Instead of watching porn, she wants something more "real".* The OM is nothing more than her toy. *


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Okay, bb, you've taken care of the POSOM.

Now, how to deal with your WW?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

blackball said:


> I've shown his wife compassion and respect, I've ousted him to his wife.
> He knows I know where he lives, works etc. Trust me he stands to lose a lot more should he try contacting my wife again.


IMO you did the right thing or, at the very least, the right thing for you. You've given his wife the info that she needs to make a difficult decision and, in doing so, you've shown compassion and respect for his family, as well as grace under fire. Honestly, I'd have done the same thing. /salute

Still, Chap brings up a VERY valid point. But, as you implied, he doubtlessly now knows that his actions came dangerously close to putting his entire family in a very difficult situation. And, if his wife has confronted him, he now knows that she's aware of it as well. Hopefully it will be sobering. If not, you could always take some of the aforementioned additional actions. After all, YOU have to do what's going to be best for yourself and your family FIRST. 

One thing that I thought I'd read in your previous thread/postings, however, was that either he or your wife attempted to contact the other via e-mail (?) either a couple of weeks ago or a couple of weeks after "D-Day"...is this correct?


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

What is your relationship with your own wife, BB? Has she shown remorse for what she's done? Is she willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage? You really haven't said anything about her. What do you think that outlook is for you two?


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

blackball said:


> But she told be just before xmas that she was planning on going to visit her friend in the US (she has an old school friend who she speaks to on a reg basis) for her 40th next year, and she mentioned this to the OM as an opportunity to meet up.


Keep her in the UK and tell her that her present for her 40th birthday is to still be married.

My son is a JAG (military lawyer). He says that being a chaplain is a great life and many people want to be one. It’s very competitive. His navy career would have been ruined if this got out.


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## blackball (Jan 24, 2014)

thummper said:


> What is your relationship with your own wife, BB? Has she shown remorse for what she's done? Is she willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage? You really haven't said anything about her. What do you think that outlook is for you two?


When I first found out about the affair she was very very sorry, lots of tears and promises of "she do whatever it took" to save our marriage. She was open and honest (I think) when I asked her questions etc, and I did find myself think what had I done wrong which made her get involved with another man. I admit the next 7days were spent with me trying to please her, and that included having sex. It might sound strange but I did feel as tho I'd not been enough for her and wanted her to realise that I was.
Yesterday I came across a file in my phone for an app I deleted ages ago, and when I look there were photo's I'd sent via this app (nothing rude) It was the same app she had use to message the OM.
I know she deleted the app, but I knew she wouldn't have known about this folder, which is located in files stored on the sd card.
I asked to look at her phone as I believe there were photo's still there, she said no. I even said I'd tell her how to access the file and she could flick through them so I wouldn't even have hold of the phone, again she said no and kept saying there was nothing there over and over again.
Up until this point I had been calm on the outside even tho my head was spinning like crazy. I couldn't understand why she wasn't willing to show me. After all she'd express a desire to do whatever it took. Was I being unreasonable to ask such a thing?
At this point I lost my temper and started shouting and tried to grab her phone. She started screaming at me to leave her alone and to get out (and I mean loud screaming) this made me even more angry, how dare she scream at me after what she'd done!
I smashed a few dishes in the sink and called her a few names (not great I know) as was incensed by her attitude.
I walked out before my anger totally got the better of me and drove to another property I own, and have been there since Friday.
She's since messaged to me to say she's filing for divorce next week (made me chuckle) and at this moment in time I really don't mind.
I don't think there is a way back from this, my wife has certainly gone into survival mode, which is a stark contrast to claiming self harm only 5 days ago because she couldn't cope being on her own.
It's as tho, she spent 1 week, being caring and pleasing, but because I asked a question a week later, I got the impression of "how dare you"

So as of yesterday I've been getting my head around no longer being together. I don't intend to "give in" she's done me wrong and I won't/can't go back running to her, however much I don't want to be alone.


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

I am so sorry to hear this! This is just so much for you to process emotionally. If she wants to divorce, that's fine. But please make sure you expose her behavior to her family and friends as the real reason you are splitting, otherwise she might try to paint you as an abuser. I also suggest messaging the OMW to warn her that she might be trying to contact her H again.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

I'm so sorry about the way your situation has developed. It sounds as though your wife is still lost in the "fog" and doesn't really get it yet. If it's something you really want, I hope you two can work out your problems. If not, maybe it is time for you to move on. Good luck in whatever you choose to do. And by the way, I have GREAT respect for your compassion as regards the OM's betrayed spouse. I hope she can recover from what he has put her through. Thank you for being able to see this from her perspective and being protective of her and her children. Not every man would be so kind!


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Your wife is a princess.


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## blackball (Jan 24, 2014)

Graywolf2 said:


> Your wife is a princess.


Explain!!


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> I am so sorry to hear this! This is just so much for you to process emotionally. If she wants to divorce, that's fine. But please make sure you expose her behavior to her family and friends as the real reason you are splitting, otherwise she might try to paint you as an abuser. I also suggest messaging the OMW to warn her that she might be trying to contact her H again.


Agree!!!
Listen to yeah_right, they are are still in contact!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

It would have been a cold day in hell she would have kept that phone from me. One poster grabbed his cheating wifes phone and ran with it.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Graywolf2 said:


> Your wife is a princess.





blackball said:


> Explain!!


She considers herself special and entitled. She is willing to be sorry as long as she is graciously forgiven. The peasants shouldn’t be giving her a hard time.


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## blackball (Jan 24, 2014)

Tobyboy said:


> Agree!!!
> Listen to yeah_right, they are are still in contact!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She did email him yesterday and asked, if he did have photo's not to show them to me as I would go mad at her.
I had agreed with him he would forward me any emails she sent him and after a few hours I had the whole conversation, during which she called him lots of names because she knew I was getting those emails from him.

I honestly don't know if she is or will contact him again, what I do know is the OM would be very very stupid to get involved with her again. He now knows what he stands to lose, should I catch him at it.
He's aware I know where he works, lives and where is wife works, he can't run from me.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

blackball said:


> I had agreed with him he would forward me any emails she sent him and after a few hours I had the whole conversation, during which she called him lots of names because she knew I was getting those emails from him.


You are one smart guy.

"If you have them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow":lol:

Get the photos from the OM.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Her change of heart sounds like she has been receiving counseling from someone like a chaplain on how to handle the issues and move on. 

Also don't doubt that she hasn't installed and uninstalled that app several times. I found out that my WW was installing the app when she left home and then deleting the app before she got back from the days activities so if I looked at her phone I would be none the wiser. Don't doubt that she isn't also contacting him through some other "untraceable" app or hidden communication route (Instagram, Google voice, work phone/device) etc. She wouldn't show you because it has recent entries otherwise she would have showed you and been able to prove it was something that happened during the course of the affair and nothing new had happened since D-Day. 

Good luck and stay strong. Obviously he really isn't a man of his word or the cloth so don't trust that he is giving you the truth and everything he has. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Blackball, 

If she is oppositional toward you, this list is often recommended to betrayed spouses here. It is used to help detach yourself from the overwhelming negative emotions she has caused you. The 180 List

Your future, and that of your children, should be your primary concern now. Take care of your health, and make sure you get enough food and sleep. It's usually not advised that you leave the family home, as it maybe considered abandonment. If she doesn't want the marriage, let her leave. What ever you do, remember to keep your temper in check around her, as she may bring domestic abuse charges against you. 

Best


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

blackball said:


> I asked to look at her phone as I believe there were photo's still there, she said no. I even said I'd tell her how to access the file and she could flick through them so I wouldn't even have hold of the phone, again she said no and kept saying there was nothing there over and over again.
> 
> Up until this point I had been calm on the outside even tho my head was spinning like crazy. I couldn't understand why she wasn't willing to show me. After all she'd express a desire to do whatever it took. Was I being unreasonable to ask such a thing?
> At this point I lost my temper and started shouting and tried to grab her phone. She started screaming at me to leave her alone and to get out (and I mean loud screaming) .
> ...


Give her what she wants. Go see a solicitor/lawyer to find out the details of divorce and let her know you did. That should hit her fantasy pretty hard. 



blackball said:


> She did email him yesterday and asked, if he did have photo's not to show them to me as I would go mad at her.
> I had agreed with him he would forward me any emails she sent him and after a few hours I had the whole conversation, during which she called him lots of names because she knew I was getting those emails from him.


You took her crack pipe away. The withdrawal from her drug is hitting her. Now she's getting enraged you stopped the avenue to get her fix. 

BTW, Do both your families know of the situation? Don't let her put a spin on it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She is going to file for divorce? In the UK? On what grounds? Her own adultery?:rofl:

Oh. Maybe she was advised to file by someone with experience of a different legal system where divorces are easier to get?:scratchhead:

She is still in contact with him or has another US-based partner in crime.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

blackball said:


> When I first found out about the affair she was very very sorry, lots of tears and promises of "she do whatever it took" to save our marriage. She was open and honest (I think) when I asked her questions etc, and I did find myself think what had I done wrong which made her get involved with another man. I admit the next 7days were spent with me trying to please her, and that included having sex. It might sound strange but I did feel as tho I'd not been enough for her and wanted her to realise that I was.
> Yesterday I came across a file in my phone for an app I deleted ages ago, and when I look there were photo's I'd sent via this app (nothing rude) It was the same app she had use to message the OM.
> I know she deleted the app, but I knew she wouldn't have known about this folder, which is located in files stored on the sd card.
> I asked to look at her phone as I believe there were photo's still there, she said no. I even said I'd tell her how to access the file and she could flick through them so I wouldn't even have hold of the phone, again she said no and kept saying there was nothing there over and over again.
> ...


I don't think this was a power struggle. Not by any means, She is either continuing the affair or has other affairs that you don't know about. her actions are one that of guilt getting caught red handed. Whatever was there on that phone, she was terrified that you would see it and is risking ending your marriage over it. 

Good on you to control your anger and get away from her. Not sure anything would have stopped me from taking the cellphone if I were in your situation.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

I hope you have exposed your wife to her family as well.

She is still cheating, and not remorseful at all.

You are at war and need to act like you are at war. You should have a recorder on you whenever you see your wife. (and have someone with you) Be careful, she can make up charges to try to have you arrested. 

I hope you will keep your distance and try to get the divorce as soon as possible. Good luck to you in the future.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blackball, you should file. https://www.gov.uk/divorce


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Having been here a while, there is no doubt she is scared to death you will see the pictures and what she was doing on them to get him off.

Do not hesitate to see your doctor for a bit of temporary help. You may also need PTSD counseling. That may sound extreme......its not at all.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Blackball, you should file. https://www.gov.uk/divorce


Adultery reduces the separation period in the UK. What constitutes adultery there?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

blackball said:


> She did email him yesterday and asked, if he did have photo's not to show them to me as I would go mad at her.
> I had agreed with him he would forward me any emails she sent him and after a few hours I had the whole conversation, during which she called him lots of names because she knew I was getting those emails from him.
> 
> I honestly don't know if she is or will contact him again, what I do know is the OM would be very very stupid to get involved with her again. He now knows what he stands to lose, should I catch him at it.
> He's aware I know where he works, lives and where is wife works, he can't run from me.



Don't necessarily believe it and base your actions it. Cheaters are good actors..They could be putting a show for you


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK based on what you have said, I don't think that this has anything to do with her continuing to contact him or being in some kind of affair fog etc.

I really do think it is more to do with the fact that she is supremely afraid of what you will find in her phone with regard to pictures and maybe other content (video, text etc). Somebody mentioned it before - what she did to get him (and herself) off. Depths of depravity etc.

She is probably much more afraid of you finding that stuff than anything else and is in panic mode and quite prepared to give up the marriage and most other things I would imagine, to stop this from being seen by you and exposed to the world.

She sounds like she has something on that phone that she is very, very ashamed of and mortified about it getting out. It might be so bad, that even the OM will not send it to you. I might be wrong but this is what I can see as being the reason for her behaviour from where I sit.

You could reassure her and promise that no one will see it, but I think she is more afraid of what you would think of her going forward.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If you don't think she shook up enough yet, tell her the OP admits to putting her pictures on the internet.

Here is a similar story but probably worse......yet to be determined though. oops forgot the link http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/33914-lesbian-bi-serial-oh-my.html


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## tdwal (Jul 28, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> If you don't think she shook up enough yet, tell her the OP admits to putting her pictures on the internet.
> 
> Here is a similar story but probably worse......yet to be determined though. oops forgot the link http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/33914-lesbian-bi-serial-oh-my.html



That was the worst thread i have read on TAM.


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## wonderif (Dec 5, 2013)

If the OM is military then he has committed a crime underboth US and all Anglosphere military law. Have your lawyer send a letter and the evidence to the JAG or equivalent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

She is an addict. Her anger has busted her addiction for now and she is going through withdrawal. 

The addiction is very strong. It feeds off itself. She gets a high from the cheating then gets a low when she has guilt. After a while the high get higher and the lows lower. The feeding of the addiction is her only relief.

Her addiction is a very bad one. You can not allow the type of men she needs to feed her addiction to be around your kids.

You need to file D or separation and file for custody. Have her get a mental evaluation.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

blackball said:


> I've done what I felt was right, whether he chooses to do this again I don't give a **** to be honest, it's not my problem.
> I've respected the wishes of his wife, who by the way is close to breakdown, pregnant and knew nothing of his fetish behaviour.
> Whilst I did make the decision to tell her everything that went on. I have no desire to shatter the world for her and their kids. She is suffering emotionally enough at this moment in time, do I really want to put a financial burden on her too!!!!
> She will decide if she wants to fight or flight.


Good for you! This is your decision and your moral values will determine what you do. You've got support here.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Blackball

I know you said you left your home.

Have you secured your joint finances yet?

HM


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Adultery reduces the separation period in the UK. What constitutes adultery there?


Would an online affair constitute adultery? That's a bloody good question. The kind that only a solicitor, or perhaps even a barrister, specialising in matrimonial law could answer.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Regardless of how this turns out, bb...

...I like your style!


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

checking in to see how you're doing.
is your wife still talking D?

i gotta say it's upsetting that OMW is pregnant, considering where OM and your WW met. best of luck to her. i think it's time to stop having babies with him!


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