# Women how many times a week would you prefer to have sex?



## Goldmember357

how is 2 or 3x enough? or 1?

sometimes we break double digits. My wife likes around 4 (plus i give her oral without sex often and she returns the favor)she say's its more special when its not everyday.

I could do it 5x a day if i really wanted and we have done before up to 9 in a day.

I think 2x a day is good or perhaps not everyday but at least 10 times in a week.


----------



## Maricha75

Awesome for you! :smthumbup:

As I said on your other thread in the Sex forum, I would be happy with 3X each week. But, considering the circumstances behind why WE have sex only once a week (average), I am perfectly fine with once a week. We have our "alone time" otherwise. If the time ever comes that he is physically capable of more often, I'd absolutely welcome it! But for now? I'm good with what I have. As I said before: I'd rather have a man who I have sex with once a week and actually will spend time with me than a man who I have sex with everyday but we have no meaningful connection otherwise. No thanks!


----------



## Holland

What constitutes sex?

Sometimes I will just give him a surprise BJ or we only have oral, sometimes we have a quickie. Sometimes a session is long and means multiple O's for me so it that sex once or 4 times?
Sometimes it may be one or both of us DIYing. Occasionally we just have PIV.

We have some type of sexual contact daily or twice daily, I am happy with that.


----------



## ladybird

Goldmember357 said:


> how is 2 or 3x enough? or 1?
> 
> sometimes we break double digits. My wife likes around 4 (plus i give her oral without sex often and she returns the favor)she say's its more special when its not everyday.
> 
> I could do it 5x a day if i really wanted and we have done before up to 9 in a day.
> 
> I think 2x a day is good or perhaps not everyday but at least 10 times in a week.


 For me 2-3 times a week isn't enough, everyday would be better I would be good with every other day, too. But at this point I would be happy with once a week.


----------



## TrustInUs

A good 3x/week is minimum for me. Sometimes we go more, sometimes less, it depends on what's going on and if he's had to travel. For the last three years we've done a "12 days of Christmas" thing where we have some form of sexual contact/intimacy for 12 days in a row and this past Christmas we had PIV sex 8 days in a row for the first time. So that was we and exciting.


----------



## EleGirl

As close to daily as possible.


----------



## Lon

Until I started reading this website, I thought daily sex was just a mythical hoax perpetrated by braggers and liars. I'm still not certain my view has changed 

Honestly 2-3x would have been plenty, when my ex used to complain she wanted it daily I couldn't even fathom that (especially when she was telling me we needed to go out more, that I needed to do more around the house, and that she needed more sleep on top of that).

but typically lovemaking sessions were atleast 3-4 hours, so no wonder I couldn't fit more of them into a week. And she rarely wanted a quickie, or shorter sessions, as far as I can tell she would have been disappointed in any frequency.

It was also unfathomable to me in part because I've never known what a normal frequency would entail, never once did I ever find the slightest evidence my parents had a sex life, how was I supposed to know.


----------



## Goldmember357

Trenton said:


> Since I've started getting honest about my fantasies and enjoying sex from a deeply connected but pleasurable standpoint that actually includes my own desires and feelings...sex with the husband has climbed last few weeks from a previously comfortable 3 - 4 times a week (cumming maybe once) to 6 - 8x's (cumming about 6 out of 8).
> 
> I cum more! I could lick his face I'm so happy and I find myself watching him eating, cleaning, working, moving and this feeling of love sort of vibes out of me. Hard to explain. So retarded.
> 
> I have come to guess that more women are like me than not and that sexuality for a woman comes with 1. TRUST & 2. WILLINGNESS TO BE OPEN WITH HERSELF & HER DESIRES
> 
> I also added sexual honesty into the mix. So...let's say he designs an invitation for me for an event I'm planning. I walk over to him and tell him I think he deserves payment...then use your imagination. Previously I might imagine this scenario and then masturbate alone...duh. Now, I'm like, yeah...I'm doing this now.
> 
> So, my real point is, a woman in love, who trusts her husband deeply, and who gives her permission to let herself feel free with her own sexuality, will want it a lot more and a wife who does not feel trust with her husband and/or can't/won't let herself go with her husband (plays the good girl, has history of sexual abuse, thinks she's ugly, feels she doesn't measure up, is overwhelmed by wifely or child duties--I've been all of these at one time or another) will prefer to have it as little as she can get away with and still satisfy her husband (if she does indeed love him).
> 
> Funny story...the thread about women in literature...poster on there suggested that rape was a man's prerogative and that allowing a woman a choice with her lady parts was a gift to a woman rather than a right.
> 
> Oh boy! I discussed this with my husband and when he said the guy who wrote that was either an egotistical bastard or a psychopath...I really wanted to sex him up sweetly.
> 
> Weird things turn us women on. You can't ask another woman what turns her on and expect it to apply to your wife or ask her how often and expect that number will apply.
> 
> You have to be a kind, patient, worthy man who continually promotes but does not push your wife's sexuality onto her and at the same time do not be afraid to say what turns you on so that she knows it's OK to do that too.


nice


----------



## Gaia

3x a day every day....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## *LittleDeer*

7 plus.


----------



## daffodilly

Every other day would be nice....but I wouldn't turn down daily!! During the Xmas break it was quite frequent...usually we're 2-3x a week, and it was happening almost every day at times. Doing it more seemed to make us want it more, though since H wasn't working I think this was a factor (less stress). Now the teenager is up late doing homework, so we're limited at times!


----------



## ScarletBegonias

ideally,every day.I'll be honest,if I don't get it a least every other day I start to feel grouchy and disconnected from my SO.


----------



## ATC529R

dang .....a bunch of porn stars in here!


----------



## Toffer

Any of you ladies have sisters????


----------



## Gaia

I have 12 that I know of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 45188

9-12 :/


----------



## Shoto1984

The responses give me hope. Luv it.


----------



## Hope1964

3-5x a week is about right for me. But each day is different. Some days I am just not into it at all. Some days I could do it 4 times. Right now I am quitting smoking and I could do it twice or three times a day. Orgasms help me quit


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Hope1964 said:


> Orgasms help me quit


that should be on a tshirt somewhere...or part of the incentive given for people who are trying to quit. "Replace your ciggy's with ORGASMS!!!"

:smthumbup:


----------



## DeidreCPA

I would prefer about every other day (or at least 2 to 3 times a week), but my husband seems to think this is too much. He seems to prefer twice a month.


----------



## EleGirl

Hope1964 said:


> 3-5x a week is about right for me. But each day is different. Some days I am just not into it at all. Some days I could do it 4 times. Right now I am quitting smoking and I could do it twice or three times a day. Orgasms help me quit


Now there is a quit smoking plan that you could make a lot of money off of. Just promise that you have the 100% solution and they can find it out if they download your ebook


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

9x a week (every night, plus Sat & Sun afternoon).

Thanks again, J.I. in Florida. It's been decades, but you were a rock-star in bed! You set the standard and I hope you're still alive and whatever woman you're with, you're ROCKIN' her world! 

Xo


----------



## DjangoJr

Interesting. Of those that answered, what is preventing you from achieving your preferred number?


----------



## Hope1964

DjangoJr said:


> Interesting. Of those that answered, what is preventing you from achieving your preferred number?


My husband rarely initiates, and it gets tiresome to do it myself all the time, because I do get refused. He'd be happy with 1-2 times a week, although when we go on vacation he's into it every day. 

I'd like to have sex every time I am in the mood, but not when I am not, and since he isn't home all the time for me to use as a sex toy, and isn't always into it, we only get it done when we're both in the mood.

So I guess our problem is partly that he has a lower libido and partly that our libidos aren't always in sync.


----------



## DjangoJr

Hope1964 said:


> My husband rarely initiates, and it gets tiresome to do it myself all the time, because I do get refused. He'd be happy with 1-2 times a week, although when we go on vacation he's into it every day.
> 
> *I'd like to have sex every time I am in the mood, but not when I am not, and since he isn't home all the time for me to use as a sex toy, and isn't always into it, we only get it done when we're both in the mood.*
> 
> *So I guess our problem is partly that he has a lower libido and partly that our libidos aren't always in sync.*





You nailed a couple big things there. We always want it, when we want it lol. I'm the high libido in our relationship.. the initiation, rejection and frustration cycle takes a toll on your motivation, the curse of having the higher libido


at times I find myself saying if I am shot down 4 out of 5 times, I probably should just not bother as much.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

DjangoJr said:


> Interesting. Of those that answered, what is preventing you from achieving your preferred number?


Absolutely nothing.We make love every night.It's awesome:smthumbup:


----------



## DjangoJr

Ive noticed with these type of threads, the men (and some women) want more.

Where are the men that are like its too much?
Where are the women that are like eh once every 10 days is cool?

Ive always wondered if it mattered on a person's state of mind when answering the question.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

> Of those that answered, what is preventing you from achieving your preferred number?


Currently single and looking for someone to bang like a screen door!


_...did I just say that out loud?_


----------



## Holland

DjangoJr said:


> Ive noticed with these type of threads, the men (and some women) want more.
> 
> Where are the men that are like its too much?
> Where are the women that are like eh once every 10 days is cool?
> 
> Ive always wondered if it mattered on a person's state of mind when answering the question.


I've been on both side of this and will often answer from both perspectives. I do this less and less now though as I am getting my past hangups out of my system since purging on TAM.

Yes a persons state of mind does matter when answering, so from that POV I will answer about my past life and my current life.

I have always been very sexual, HD.

In my marriage (17 plus years with him) I initially wanted sex daily. Then after years of rejection I turned off my drive and did not want sex with him. So state of mind plays a huge role.

Now I am in a healthy, balanced relationship. My drive is as strong as ever and I am with a sexually compatible man. We have a lot of sex, we have a lot of incredible sex. The more sex we have the closer we are becoming. 
So my current state of mind is reflected in my first reply to this thread. I would like it every day and twice some days, and that thankfully is what I am getting.


----------



## WyshIknew

*LittleDeer* said:


> 7 plus.





ScarletBegonias said:


> ideally,every day.I'll be honest,if I don't get it a least every other day I start to feel grouchy and disconnected from my SO.





kipani said:


> 9-12 :/





SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> 9x a week (every night, plus Sat & Sun afternoon).
> 
> Thanks again, J.I. in Florida. It's been decades, but you were a rock-star in bed! You set the standard and I hope you're still alive and whatever woman you're with, you're ROCKIN' her world!
> 
> Xo





SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Currently single and looking for someone to bang like a screen door!
> 
> 
> _...did I just say that out loud?_



Holy crap! Way to make a guy feel inadequate ladies!

9X a week! There is no way I could manage that on a permanent basis without some sort of chemical help.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Hard to say. I became resentful of my abusive ex and disliked him so I wasn't attracted or turned on to him - he insisted on every day and if for some odd reason we went 2 days without he'd threaten to cheat. And he complained I never initiated although it seemed I never got a chance to.

As a dating divorcee I only get every other weekend to date and when I had serious boyfriends twice a day wasn't unusual but every weekend we were together we did. 

I have NO CLUE what my sex drive is should I actually live with someone I'm attracted to. And with reading all of the sexual issues here, I am certainly more aware of the pitfalls - I was a bit surprised the last guy seemed to have a lower drive than I did. I think 3-4x a week would be about right.


----------



## Lon

WyshIknew said:


> Holy crap! Way to make a guy feel inadequate ladies!
> 
> 9X a week! There is no way I could manage that on a permanent basis without some sort of chemical help.


Have you ever actually tried tho? I've never had the opportunity, I think if I was with someone really, incredibly, unbelievably sexy and hot I could manage to keep up. But she'd really have to do it for me as well as bust her butt taking care of all her other responsibilities in the relationship so that she can earn that level of attention from me. Honestly it sounds like way to much work (not the lovemaking part just all the background services necessary to enable that kind of performance).


----------



## WyshIknew

Lon said:


> Have you ever actually tried tho? I've never had the opportunity, I think if I was with someone really, incredibly, unbelievably sexy and hot I could manage to keep up. But she'd really have to do it for me as well as bust her butt taking care of all her other responsibilities in the relationship so that she can earn that level of attention from me. Honestly it sounds like way to much work (not the lovemaking part just all the background services necessary to enable that kind of performance).


Yes!

I could probably manage for a fortnight or so but eventually my little soldier would have difficulty standing to attention.

Best recent 24 hr run was four times about 3 years ago but I was sexually exhausted after that for two days.

Mrs Wysh and I managed every day but one over Christmas/New Year but are now back to our average of every two days ish or 3-4 times a week.

And most sessions are 15 to 20 minute quickies allowing us both to O.
Longer more intimate sessions probably once per week.

Jeepers, I thought I was doing well for my age, but I'm pretty sure Ele girl is a little older than me and SlowlyGettingWiser is a touch younger.

There would be no way I could keep up with you ladies.

I'd have to write HELP SOS on my undies and throw them out the bedroom window and hope to be rescued.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

> Holy crap! Way to make a guy feel inadequate ladies!
> 
> 9X a week! There is no way I could manage that on a permanent basis without some sort of chemical help.


Yeah, Wysh, BUT...we were in our 30s then. We're in our 50s NOW....probably be down to 6-7x per week! [The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak!]


And EVERY DAY over Xmas & New Year's....totally rocks!


----------



## Hope1964

Nine times a week - that's once a day plus twice two days - my hubby is 44 and he can do that, for a couple weeks anyway. I would LOVE to see how many weeks in a row he could do it, but it'll never happen.


----------



## Maricha75

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Currently single and looking for someone to bang like a screen door!
> 
> 
> _...did I just say that out loud?_


Nope! You typed it. 



DjangoJr said:


> Interesting. Of those that answered, what is preventing you from achieving your preferred number?


My problem is the medications my husband is taking for psych/mental problems. He's gone through so many different ones and FINALLY has a combo that works. If it weren't for the fact that he is FINALLY not a zombie anymore, I would suggest finding new meds. But, he is able to have sex once a week, at least. And I would rather keep the non-zombie husband.


----------



## homebuilder

I love hearing all these women talk about doing the horizontal mamba all the time.

wish some of that would rub off on my wife. 2x a week is like special.


did like 12x one day years ago when I was a teenager. turned out to be not such a great idea


----------



## juicecondensation

Trenton said:


> Since I've started getting honest about my fantasies and enjoying sex from a deeply connected but pleasurable standpoint that actually includes my own desires and feelings...sex with the husband has climbed last few weeks from a previously comfortable 3 - 4 times a week (cumming maybe once) to 6 - 8x's (cumming about 6 out of 8).
> 
> I cum more! I could lick his face I'm so happy and I find myself watching him eating, cleaning, working, moving and this feeling of love sort of vibes out of me. Hard to explain. So retarded.
> 
> I have come to guess that more women are like me than not and that sexuality for a woman comes with 1. TRUST & 2. WILLINGNESS TO BE OPEN WITH HERSELF & HER DESIRES
> 
> I also added sexual honesty into the mix. So...let's say he designs an invitation for me for an event I'm planning. I walk over to him and tell him I think he deserves payment...then use your imagination. Previously I might imagine this scenario and then masturbate alone...duh. Now, I'm like, yeah...I'm doing this now.
> 
> So, my real point is, a woman in love, who trusts her husband deeply, and who gives her permission to let herself feel free with her own sexuality, will want it a lot more and a wife who does not feel trust with her husband and/or can't/won't let herself go with her husband (plays the good girl, has history of sexual abuse, thinks she's ugly, feels she doesn't measure up, is overwhelmed by wifely or child duties--I've been all of these at one time or another) will prefer to have it as little as she can get away with and still satisfy her husband (if she does indeed love him).
> 
> Funny story...the thread about women in literature...poster on there suggested that rape was a man's prerogative and that allowing a woman a choice with her lady parts was a gift to a woman rather than a right.
> 
> Oh boy! I discussed this with my husband and when he said the guy who wrote that was either an egotistical bastard or a psychopath...I really wanted to sex him up sweetly.
> 
> Weird things turn us women on. You can't ask another woman what turns her on and expect it to apply to your wife or ask her how often and expect that number will apply.
> 
> *You have to be a kind, patient, worthy man who continually promotes but does not push your wife's sexuality onto her *and at the same time do not be afraid to say what turns you on so that she knows it's OK to do that too.


So basicly it's all the mans responsebility? What if a man doesn't feel confident in constantly having to promote his wifes sexuality onto her? It's not that easy. And evidently it can take years for your wife to "open up".


----------



## Maricha75

juicecondensation said:


> So basicly it's all the mans responsebility? What if a man doesn't feel confident in constantly having to promote his wifes sexuality onto her? It's not that easy. And evidently it can take years for your wife to "open up".


So... there's a PROBLEM with being patient? Really? Do you mean it's better to just run headlong in and basically DEMAND that she "do this or else"? Yea, SOME women it can take years for them to fully open up. SOME women are open from the beginning. If you choose the former, well, you don't have to work hard, do you? If you choose the latter, yea, there's some work involved... but the question is...do you love your wife enough to be patient for her to open on her own? Or are you a callous [email protected] who couldn't give a rat's ass how she feels as long as you get yours? And wtf do you mean "What if a man doesn't feel confident in constantly having to promote his wifes sexuality onto her?"

And guess what? The patience isn't gender specific. We women have to be patient as well. I have to "work" to make sure my husband knows I find him sexually attractive... and he does the same for me. As it SHOULD be. It isn't "all the mans responsibility". Not sure where you got THAT nonsense from Trenton's post. She wasn't saying anything NEAR that, at all! 

Now, the topic is "how many times would you prefer to have sex"... let's not turn it into "the women are saying the men are to be responsible for everything"


----------



## Gaia

Geeze... Everyone is making me lmao alot this morning.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## juicecondensation

Maricha75 said:


> So... there's a PROBLEM with being patient? Really?


No.



> Do you mean it's better to just run headlong in and basically DEMAND that she "do this or else"?


No.



> If you choose the former, well, you don't have to work hard, do you? If you choose the latter, yea, there's some work involved... but the question is...*do you love your wife enough to be patient for her to open on her own*?


But how do you know she even will open up at all? What if the man is patient and waits.... Years go by.... Decades go by and it turns it she never will open up and that infact she just doesn't care that much about sex anyway. That is what I would be worried about.




> Or are you a callous [email protected] who couldn't give a rat's ass how she feels as long as you get yours?


No.



> And wtf do you man "What if a man doesn't feel confident in constantly having to promote his wifes sexuality onto her?"


I don't want to feel like it's my responsebility alone to get my wife to open up and be sexual. The idea that for years and years I would have to be the only driving force when it comes to sex sounds pretty sad.

And if eventually she does open and becomes more sexual, it would just seem like I "convinced" her to do it and that in reality she's not that way.




> And guess what? The patience isn't gender specific. We women have to be patient as well. I have to "work" to make sure my husband knows I find him sexually attractive... and he does the same for me. As it SHOULD be. *It isn't "all the mans responsibility". *Not sure where you got THAT nonsense from Trenton's post. She wasn't saying anything NEAR that, at all!


If the man hadn't been working hard for years on end to get his wife to open up, she wouldn't and nothing would change.


----------



## WyshIknew

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Yeah, Wysh, BUT...we were in our 30s then. We're in our 50s NOW....probably be down to 6-7x per week! *[The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak!]*
> 
> 
> And EVERY DAY over Xmas & New Year's....totally rocks!



With you there SGW but I think after a certain age a highly sexual woman would be able to 'tap out' a man of a similar age. And some sort of understanding would have to take place regarding frequency and refractory (sp?) time.

I did think I was quite high drive for my age but when I see some of the other guys posting, drerio for example seems to be good to go more often than I. However he does have a four year or so advantage on me so maybe that helps.

I am quite pleased that I can still go for it more than once per day at my age, but with juggling shifts at work and helping round the house etc it's not normally something I would choose to do.


----------



## happysnappy

a dozen. I have a very HD though. I'm happy with every other day. More than a couple of days and i get cranky.


----------



## Maricha75

juicecondensation said:


> But how do you know she even will open up at all? What if the man is patient and waits.... Years go by.... Decades go by and it turns it she never will open up and that infact she just doesn't care that much about sex anyway. That is what I would be worried about.


Being patient is one thing. Being marginalized is another. If there is NO indication of ANY progress, then it is highly likely that there will be no change. As for how long to wait...well, that is entirely up to the one who is waiting. 




juicecondensation said:


> I don't want to feel like it's my responsebility alone to get my wife to open up and be sexual. The idea that for years and years I would have to be the only driving force when it comes to sex sounds pretty sad.


Who is going to teach her that certain things are "alright" to do with/for/to you, if not you? How will she know unless she takes cues from you? And who says it would necessarily be "years and years"? You assume too much. Not everyone takes "years and years". Some are quite eager from the start. 



juicecondensation said:


> And if eventually she does open and becomes more sexual, it would just seem like I "convinced" her to do it and that in reality she's not that way.


Wow... that's a sad way of looking at it. "If my wife learns how to please me, it would seem like I convinced her to do it." Genius! She doesn't know what you like unless you TEACH her. And, she may not even know what SHE likes sometimes. You learn TOGETHER. It's not a matter of "convincing" her, it's learning TOGETHER. I can't believe that is so hard to grasp.




juicecondensation said:


> If the man hadn't been working hard for years on end to get his wife to open up, she wouldn't and nothing would change.



Do you mean if TRENTON'S husband hadn't been working hard for years? Or are you speaking in general terms? Because if you specifically are still speaking of her post....I'll let her respond to that.

But I have a question for you... you don't think a man should have to work hard for years to get his wife to open up... should the wife have to work to get her husband to open up? Because I have to say, when my husband and I were first married, we were not very adventurous. As years went by, things have slowly changed... for BOTH of us. We don't look at it as having to "convince" the other... we are LEARNING TOGETHER. But from you last post, I would think you would consider it having to "convince" each other.


----------



## heartsbeating

I like build-up and intensity. I like space in between to miss our sessions and tease my mind.


----------



## heartsbeating

Trenton said:


> I could lick his face I'm so happy


oh meeeow! Fantastic!


----------



## NelsonTrouble

We have two small children, H works 60+hour weeks and Im SHM and full time college student. We are lucky to be in the bedroom and awake at the same time. I would LOVE a base line of 3x week, but right now that is only a dream. Pre-kids we averaged 5xweek and this was fine for us both. Maybe once the kids are teens and are not needing something every moment we will again reach thoes lofty heights.


----------



## Lon

heartsbeating said:


> I like build-up and intensity. I like space in between to miss our sessions and tease my mind.


Finally a comment from a woman who appreciates a brief cessation once in awhile to stop and smell the roses, or more like milk the enjoyment of sex for all its worth.

All these other women seem purely results driven and are missing out on the finer details, like that build-up you mention.

As a guy, its a given that I like sex a lot, when I've been in relationships more than 2-3x a week actually makes me like it less - though not necessarily on an unchanging basis, maybe it's fun to go on a hot streak once in awhile but there is sometimes benefits to a (brief) cool streak. Or maybe I'just LD and have no idea what I'm missing, personally I think I'm just sensual and like to enjoy it all.

I've had music teachers that have said the secret to really good music is the quality of the silence between the notes.


----------



## Holland

Lon said:


> Finally a comment from a woman who appreciates a brief cessation once in awhile to stop and smell the roses, or more like milk the enjoyment of sex for all its worth.
> 
> *All these other women seem purely results driven and are missing out on the finer details, like that build-up you mention.*
> 
> As a guy, its a given that I like sex a lot, when I've been in relationships more than 2-3x a week actually makes me like it less - though not necessarily on an unchanging basis, maybe it's fun to go on a hot streak once in awhile but there is sometimes benefits to a (brief) cool streak. Or maybe I'just LD and have no idea what I'm missing, personally I think I'm just sensual and like to enjoy it all.
> 
> I've had music teachers that have said the secret to really good music is the quality of the silence between the notes.


Not so for me. I am not purely results driven but I am driven by a big desire to be so close to my partner that we become one. Sometimes sex can be driven by the pure need to get off but the intense need I have for that to be with my partner is overwhelming.

I am not missing out on the finer details at all. My partner is an extremely hands on, giving lover. 

Purely results driven for me is when I am doing it solo.


----------



## Lon

Holland, I didn't mean anything condescending by that, to be clear - to each their own! I was just venting a little... but I still don't quite get the hypersexual bonding, nor for me did differentiating between purely getting off and the drive to be with your partner change what I meant by results driven.

For me personally, I find my senses are heightened when I get quality alone time (but not the vast amounts I've had the last few years) and too much intimacy time (ie no reprieves) dulls my senses. And for me, as much as I crave it, I will sometimes willingly wait for the anticipation to build... but I am learning from this thread, and my failed marriage, that sometimes can be cruel and intolerable - so when I find a woman with the same, or compatible, sexual temperament it will certainly factor into whether there is long term potential.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

If I'm not getting enough alone time and emotional attention I don't feel close enough to want sex w/SO every day.The fact that I get the alone time and emotional attention I need makes me hypersexual toward him and I need it every day.It's a circle for me.If any of the pieces are missing,the next portion of the circle might suffer.

I don't just go out and start humping like a mindless dog in heat.


----------



## Maricha75

Lon said:


> Finally a comment from a woman who appreciates a brief cessation once in awhile to stop and smell the roses, or more like milk the enjoyment of sex for all its worth.
> 
> *All these other women seem purely results driven and are missing out on the finer details*, like that build-up you mention.
> 
> As a guy, its a given that I like sex a lot, when I've been in relationships more than 2-3x a week actually makes me like it less - though not necessarily on an unchanging basis, maybe it's fun to go on a hot streak once in awhile but there is sometimes benefits to a (brief) cool streak. Or maybe I'just LD and have no idea what I'm missing, personally I think I'm just sensual and like to enjoy it all.
> 
> I've had music teachers that have said the secret to really good music is the quality of the silence between the notes.


So... did you neglect to read my first post in this thread? 

I said I would welcome sex if he wanted more...but for now, I'm content with once each week... Before his problems started, we averaged 3-4X each week. Basically, every other day. And that was enough for both of us. I will reiterate.... I prefer enjoying time spent together, just enjoying each others company than having sex everyday with someone who hardly knows me and what I like outside the bedroom.


----------



## heartsbeating

Well, I joined here when we were at a disconnect and we have gotten back on the same page. It's possible we're more connected now than we've been before. We share the same desired frequency. We both like build-up, the tease and passion, and the fun we can have with that. Variety is something we enjoy. We both also highly appreciate intimacy and physical affection unto itself.


----------



## DjangoJr

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Currently single and looking for someone to bang like a screen door!
> 
> 
> _...did I just say that out loud?_


lol


----------



## BrookeT

4-6 times a week for me, and that is our current level. We don't have kids though, so that's a factor.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Preferably every single day. He feels the same...but we skip here & there......like when he is too tired at night..... Thankfully the antsy "got to have you right now -can't get enough" feeling - has subsided for me....so I'm not lying awake waiting to jump him in the am. That was such a crazy time - would have died & went to heaven for 3 times a day. 

I feel like our Drives are on the same plane now. This helps. 

In our past, we didn't have enough sex...so when we got to it....every touch was so electric/ on fire, I was lost in his kisses, the pent up passion was always at it's heights...we could hardly contain it...it just went TOO fast! 

Now we do it way more.... but taking it slow...lots of foreplay....driven by the emotional... but still leading to the heavenly plateau... 

I asked him not long ago...would he rather have *less sex *- with the upped lusty excitement (like in our past).....or LOTS of sex - taking the time to revv each other up ....and he answered MORE Sex... and I liked that...cause I felt the same way!


----------



## Dulciean

I have found that my need/ want for frequency of sex is heavily influenced by all the other aspects/ stressors in our lives at any point in time. I believe myself to be HD, and reasonably compatible sexually with my husband. In my ideal world every other day would make me smile! One thing that impacts is having our bedroom ( very thin walls!)right next to my 13 y.o daughter, I tend to be noisy and have had her knocking on the wall and yelling out" Ew!Stop it!" Oh dear...
This week the kids are away on holidays and we have been getting kinky and sexy every night. Yum!


----------



## Ten_year_hubby

juicecondensation said:


> What if a man doesn't feel confident in constantly having to promote his wifes sexuality onto her? It's not that easy. And evidently it can take years for your wife to "open up".


With all due respect, it sure seems all that easy to me. Whether or not the woman can "open up" is her issue and she should own it. But a man who doesn't feel confident needs to own his feelings likewise.


----------



## juicecondensation

Ten_year_hubby said:


> With all due respect, it sure seems all that easy to me. Whether or not the woman can "open up" is her issue and she should own it. But a man who doesn't feel confident needs to own his feelings likewise.


I don't want to feel like I'm the only partner in the relationship who likes sex.

Either she likes sex or she doesn't. I wouldn't want to spend an entire lifetime to get her to "change" and open up.

I wouldn't want to marry a woman who isn't open and comfortable with sex from the beggining. 

Sorry, but if I can help it I'd rather not be in a sexless marriage with a sexually conservative and for a lack of better word "prude" woman.


----------



## Maricha75

juicecondensation said:


> I don't want to feel like I'm the only partner in the relationship who likes sex.
> 
> Either she likes sex or she doesn't. I wouldn't want to spend an entire lifetime to get her to "change" and open up.
> 
> I wouldn't want to marry a woman who isn't open and comfortable with sex from the beggining.
> 
> Sorry, but if I can help it I'd rather not be in a sexless marriage with a sexually conservative and for a lack of better word "prude" woman.


Interesting.... I was very inexperienced, though I had two previous partners. I was what you described as "sexually conservative"...or a "prude", if you prefer. It didn't take my husband a lifetime to open me up. There were things I never did with my previous two partners which I am willing to do with my husband, and HAVE been willing from pretty much the beginning. then there are virgin brides who are nymphos from the start. There is no guarantee from the start. None. But, hey, it is your prerogative to give up without truly putting in any effort. I could have given up on my husband, but I didn't. He could have given up the first time we had sex and I wasn't able to orgasm... I told him straight up that I love sex with him and just because I don't always orgasm, it doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. He could have taken that to mean "hey, who cares about her having one as long as I get mine"...but he didn't. He actually WORKED to make sure I have them, nearly every time. Guess he thought I was worth it. I know I think HE is worth putting in the effort.


----------



## Ten_year_hubby

juicecondensation said:


> I don't want to feel like I'm the only partner in the relationship who likes sex.
> 
> Either she likes sex or she doesn't. I wouldn't want to spend an entire lifetime to get her to "change" and open up.
> 
> I wouldn't want to marry a woman who isn't open and comfortable with sex from the beggining.
> 
> Sorry, but if I can help it I'd rather not be in a sexless marriage with a sexually conservative and for a lack of better word "prude" woman.


I think this may be one of those "unmet expectations" the counselors are always talking about. Many women enter marriage with a lot less sexual experience than their husbands. I'm still not seeing how we get from conservative to sexless.


----------



## Maricha75

Ten_year_hubby said:


> I think this may be one of those "unmet expectations" the counselors are always talking about. Many women enter marriage with a lot less sexual experience than their husbands. *I'm still not seeing how we get from conservative to sexless*.


Unless jc considers anything less than every other day to be sexless, I don't get it either. :scratchhead:


----------



## Ten_year_hubby

I can understand feeling overworked by always having to pursue and persuade but how big of a burden is that really?


----------



## juicecondensation

Ten_year_hubby said:


> I can understand feeling overworked by always having to pursue and persuade but how big of a burden is that really?


Never getting to feel genuinly desired by my wife would be a big burden to me.


----------



## Maricha75

juicecondensation said:


> Never getting to feel genuinly desired by my wife would be a big burden to me.


Feeling like you "talked her into it" is YOUR perception. Doesn't mean she doesn't genuinely enjoy it. And what's really frustrating is that while SHE has opened up and enjoying what she considers a great sex life, you would be clamming up because you think you had to work too hard, even if there wasn't much "convincing" as you called it. Sad, really...

Fact is, she quite literally could GENUINELY desire you, but because of your perception, you believe she doesn't.


----------



## Ten_year_hubby

juicecondensation said:


> Never getting to feel genuinly desired by my wife would be a big burden to me.


I completely understand but I think that heaping all that need to feel desired on her personal feelings toward sex may create an even bigger burden.


----------



## juicecondensation

Trenton said:


> In my husband and I's relationship, we always had a pretty active sex life and I was very good at knowing what he wanted. He wanted to know what I wanted, he cared, but I wasn't able to get there for a host of reasons. This didn't slow down our sex life; however, and I can't imagine ever being described as Conservative. I mean, that's actually funny!!!
> 
> Things are never perfect in a relationship or at least in my relationship. They appear perfect for a few days but then there are days where I struggle. Generally, sex has acted as a re-connector a re-establishment of the vows we took with one another regardless of whether I orgasmed or not.
> 
> My husband and I recently had an argument as he said something that triggered anger, hurt & resentment for me. He didn't mean it to but I immediately clammed up. I then talked with some peeps and realized I was a moron and went to him. We talked it out and had crazy sex.
> 
> Afterwards he told me...It's never been a choice as to whether he loves me or not. I don't feel like it's a choice for me either although it is a choice to stay, just like it's a choice to be open about my sexuality.
> 
> I think if you are lucky enough, and open enough, to find that person who you feel it's not a choice to love...you give it your best shot.
> 
> You work with one another. When one stops working, the marriage falls apart. *Seems to me you're just saying you don't want to put the work in.* Good luck with that equating a life of even near close to happily ever after.


But the wife isn't either if it's all up to me to get her to open up and be the one to pursue and persuade 100% of the time.


----------



## Maricha75

juicecondensation said:


> But the wife isn't either if it's all up to me to get her to open up and be the one to pursue and persuade 100% of the time.


And I reiterate... you COMPLETELY missed what Trenton was saying. She said "be patient and loving. Don't force her sexuality on her"... and you read that as "suck it up men, you have to do everything."... What Trenton means is that if you let her come into her sexuality instead of forcing it, you will have a great lover, not just some woman who is going through the motions to placate you....a woman who would end up resenting you for forcing he issue. She needs to come into her sexuality herself, but you need to LET that happen, not PUSH it to happen. You can't FORCE it. That's the point Trenton was making.

Not to mention the fact that Trenton said, specifically, "You work with one another. When one stops working, the marriage falls apart."... that means BOTH are working on these things, not just one. Seems you like to pick out one line and twist it to mean something completely different than the posters are saying....


Trenton said:


> *You work with one another.* When one stops working, the marriage falls apart. Seems to me you're just saying you don't want to put the work in. Good luck with that equating a life of even near close to happily ever after.


----------



## Gaia

Lon said:


> Holland, I didn't mean anything condescending by that, to be clear - to each their own! I was just venting a little... but I still don't quite get the hypersexual bonding, nor for me did differentiating between purely getting off and the drive to be with your partner change what I meant by results driven.
> 
> For me personally, I find my senses are heightened when I get quality alone time (but not the vast amounts I've had the last few years) and too much intimacy time (ie no reprieves) dulls my senses. And for me, as much as I crave it, I will sometimes willingly wait for the anticipation to build... but I am learning from this thread, and my failed marriage, that sometimes can be cruel and intolerable - so when I find a woman with the same, or compatible, sexual temperament it will certainly factor into whether there is long term potential.


Results driven? lol lon your killing me. For me.... I just desire my man that much. There is always a constant build up for me. Even when he pisses me off I still find him irresitable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Gaia

Its not about results in my mind. Its me desiring him, needing him, wanting him, and feeling so much closer when we do have sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## goodwife4

i used to like it 1 - 2 or 3 times a week ... now with other circumstances and a baby... maybe 1 x every 6 months would be too much !!

the thing is i never got the chance to get frustrated and make the move, i found 3 days. but hubby never let it go 3 days then complained i didnt make 50% moves on him....

??


----------



## honeysuckle rose

Honestly, zero. I have no need or use for sex. It's a lot of work for what? Yes, he knows how & does make me O. But, I would rather being doing something else. I have sex bcuz he wants & needs it. I could do without & would prefer to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lee101981

3 or 4 times


----------



## Maricha75

goodwife4 said:


> i used to like it 1 - 2 or 3 times a week ... *now with other circumstances and a baby... maybe 1 x every 6 months would be too much !!*
> 
> the thing is i never got the chance to get frustrated and make the move, i found 3 days. but hubby never let it go 3 days then complained i didnt make 50% moves on him....
> 
> ??


Considering what you have already posted.... I can't say as I blame you!


----------



## TrustInUs

goodwife4 said:


> i used to like it 1 - 2 or 3 times a week ... now with other circumstances and a baby... maybe 1 x every 6 months would be too much !!
> 
> the thing is i never got the chance to get frustrated and make the move, i found 3 days. but hubby never let it go 3 days then complained i didnt make 50% moves on him....
> 
> ??


We encountered this in the beginning of our marriage. I didn't initiate because I was shy, and for the reason you listed above.... Have you told him this? I had to tell my husband to back off a little so that I could initiate, but that also put me in the hot seat and I had to actually do it.


----------



## Catherine602

Goldmember357 said:


> how is 2 or 3x enough? or 1?
> 
> sometimes we break double digits. My wife likes around 4 (plus i give her oral without sex often and she returns the favor)she say's its more special when its not everyday.
> 
> I could do it 5x a day if i really wanted and we have done before up to 9 in a day.
> 
> I think 2x a day is good or perhaps not everyday but at least 10 times in a week.


Amazing. I was sure you were older than 18!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Catherine602

honeysuckle rose said:


> Honestly, zero. I have no need or use for sex. It's a lot of work for what? Yes, he knows how & does make me O. But, I would rather being doing something else. I have sex bcuz he wants & needs it. I could do without & would prefer to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am curious because this is so common. i wonder how it happens. Frankly i worry that it will happen to me. How do you feel when you have sex even through you don't want? Do you do it because you love your husband or just to placate him. He must be a good lover if you orgasm. Is he a good husband? 

You said he knows, how does he feel? The big O feels so good I can't imagine not wanting them. How can you do without something that feels so awesome? Its like giving up chocoholic . 

Sorry for all the questions. I hope they are too intrusive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ladybird

Holland said:


> I've been on both side of this and will often answer from both perspectives. I do this less and less now though as I am getting my past hangups out of my system since purging on TAM.
> 
> Yes a persons state of mind does matter when answering, so from that POV I will answer about my past life and my current life.
> 
> I have always been very sexual, HD.
> 
> In my marriage (17 plus years with him) *I initially wanted sex daily. Then after years of rejection I turned off my drive and did not want sex with him. So state of mind plays a huge role.
> *
> Now I am in a healthy, balanced relationship. My drive is as strong as ever and I am with a sexually compatible man. We have a lot of sex, we have a lot of incredible sex. The more sex we have the closer we are becoming.
> So my current state of mind is reflected in my first reply to this thread. I would like it every day and twice some days, and that thankfully is what I am getting.


 Same thing happened to me also. (Bolded)


----------



## Catherine602

juicecondensation said:


> So basicly it's all the mans responsebility? What if a man doesn't feel confident in constantly having to promote his wifes sexuality onto her? It's not that easy. And evidently it can take years for your wife to "open up".


It don't think she said this. Is it possible that you are projecting? 

Women are what they are so are men. We are challenged in love and relationships to adapt. I think we are perfect matches.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vspinkgrl

Average twice a week and it depends a lot on my cycle. If its my fertile week and its a good one we can easily break double digits. Other weeks we can have no sex, but be ok. If he wants it enough and I really, really dont want to I may give oral because all sex will end up being is me completing something I don't want and not responding.


----------



## Maricha75

TrustInUs said:


> We encountered this in the beginning of our marriage. I didn't initiate because I was shy, and for the reason you listed above.... Have you told him this? I had to tell my husband to back off a little so that I could initiate, but that also put me in the hot seat and I had to actually do it.


I think you should read her other posts.... there's more to this than what she posted here.... MUCH more.


----------



## vspinkgrl

Also I totally, absolutely need to be chased to be turned on if I'm not in a fertile week. Hubby likes to chase me though, as he knows he will be hotly pursued during my fertile week, so I guess it balances out that way.
I never really considered myself as having a high sex drive though and we have gone through dry spells, especially on my birth control, sex was near extinct. 
I feel bad for husband's of wives with no sex drive, I know we fought a lot when I was on birth control. I wanted to have a drive, but just couldn't. Even when I would force myself, I couldn't feel anything.


----------



## TrustInUs

Maricha75 said:


> I think you should read her other posts.... there's more to this than what she posted here.... MUCH more.


Ok gotcha


----------



## 2ofus

I really enjoy sex, everyday would be good but my husband is LD so some weeks it's 3 others 5 some weeks none. I get really cranky when it's none, hubby has realised this and try's to make an effort.


----------



## LittleBird

This is a hard question for me to answer. 

PIV does zero for me at best, at worst it's uncomfortable (and dryness isn't the issue, just don't like the sensation.) 

But I'll blow him daily, not an issue. But the BJ always ends up leading to sex so can't win for trying!


----------



## Emerald

DjangoJr said:


> Ive noticed with these type of threads, the men (and some women) want more.
> 
> Where are the men that are like its too much?
> Where are the women that are like eh once every 10 days is cool?
> 
> Ive always wondered if it mattered on a person's state of mind when answering the question.


I stopped reading the replies when I got to your answer but will continue reading.

You will see what you asked mainly in thread starters in the forum. It's not popular on a marriage website to admit that you don't want sex most of the time.

But we are everywhere & the reasons vary.


----------

