# No longer looking for support



## Tca

Hello! I am new to this forum I am female 48 years old and have been married for 26 years with two teenagers. I am trying to learn my way around this site and post a discussion. I would really like to get others opinions. I met a new female friend through my daughter and we quickly hit it off and so did our spouses. Without making this too long...(because there may have been more signs that went unnoticed leading up to this)...my question is would anyone be offended that this new friend said in front of my husband (who travels a lot for work) I’ll be your girlfriend while he’s out of town. Second time she worded it a bit differently. Husband had just got back in town and he touched my shoulder and she said hey, that’s my girlfriend! What would you make if this comment? Another female friend that saw and heard the second incident said that looked weird. Any opinions? Thanks


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## C.C. says ...

Two things.

1. Welcome.  How in the world did you remember your password from 2 years ago when you registered?

2. I’d beat a ***** within an inch of her life if she said this to my man. I don’t even care if she was just ‘playing’. Soooo disrespectful.

If you ask me, she’s gauging his interest level. Watch out.


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## Tca

Lol, I had to create a new password. This is something that occurred about 7 years ago, needless to say I ended to friendship but it still bothers me because we run into her often. Thank you for your reply.


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## Tca

There’s really a lot more to this story that bothers me, but I didn’t want to bore anyone with all the extras. Just glad to know I’m not the only female who would be bothered by this.


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## drt09

Hello! I'm new too. Jusy signed up this morning..Ive been on here for a few hours because I'm just happy.i can find an anonymous platform to talk about my marriage issues. Welcome
Well I guess it depends on intent. She could very well be joking and she just has a facetious sense of humor. Or she could. very well want to be your husband's "girlfriend". I would talk to you husband about it and tell him you dont feel comfortable with the joke and he need to respect that. The friend you might want to fall back on her at least fall back on her hanging out with your husband. She's probably attracted to him in some way, its.best to keep them separated.


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## C.C. says ...

I don’t find it boring at all. Well, it _was_ a long time ago so that’s good. You know... I think sometimes if the husband would put the hammer down on this sort of thing, it would nip it in the bud.

For instance, if when he put his hand on your shoulder and she said you were messing with “her” boyfriend, if he would’ve said something like “Pulease. Why would I need you when I have my beautiful wife.” she would’ve been sufficiently embarrassed enough to not do that again.

But see the vast minority of men aren’t like that unfortunately. They’ll stand there hemming and hawing and force you to deal with it. I hate that.


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## Blondilocks

I must have read this wrong. I gathered the woman was interested in you.


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## Tca

Right, she would say I’ll be your girlfriend when your husband is out of town, but never once did she say it just to me it was always in the presence of my husband. I felt like it was her way of flirting to him or trying to be cute. I didn’t find it funny at all. I was very hurt and offended. When I finally confronted her, she said she didn’t mean anything by it and that she’s not bisexual or a swinger.


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## C.C. says ...

Wait. What?? She said she would be _your_ girlfriend? Ohhhh ... well hey ... that’s a lot better than the other scenario.


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## drt09

Tca said:


> Right, she would say I’ll be your girlfriend when your husband is out of town, but never once did she say it just to me it was always in the presence of my husband. I felt like it was her way of flirting to him or trying to be cute. I didn’t find it funny at all. I was very hurt and offended. When I finally confronted her, she said she didn’t mean anything by it and that she’s not bisexual or a swinger.


OOOOHH! I misread your post as well. I thought you meant she was talking about your husband. 
Ok yea that's kind of weird....maybe she's bi-curous


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## Tca

And maybe that’s why I’m still upset over this...isn’t that most men’s fantasy. That’s why I felt like it was said in front of my husband, she wanted his attention.


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## sokillme

Tca said:


> Hello! I am new to this forum I am female 48 years old and have been married for 26 years with two teenagers. I am trying to learn my way around this site and post a discussion. I would really like to get others opinions. I met a new female friend through my daughter and we quickly hit it off and so did our spouses. Without making this too long...(because there may have been more signs that went unnoticed leading up to this)...my question is would anyone be offended that this new friend said in front of my husband (who travels a lot for work) I’ll be your girlfriend while he’s out of town. Second time she worded it a bit differently. Husband had just got back in town and he touched my shoulder and she said hey, that’s my girlfriend! What would you make if this comment? Another female friend that saw and heard the second incident said that looked weird. Any opinions? Thanks


She wouldn't be around my husband much anymore. Funny when I was young my good friend dated a girl like this, she would make flirty inappropriate comments to us guys, his friends. One of the other friend's wife ended up cheating on him and this girl saw her chance. They had a ONS and basically blew up the group. 

When she was doing it, I saw her act and warned my friends, but I was too young to be assertive enough to warn the friend that was dating her. I will always regret that.

This is inappropriate and having experience with someone like this that would not be someone I associated with.


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## sokillme

Tca said:


> Right, she would say I’ll be your girlfriend when your husband is out of town, but never once did she say it just to me it was always in the presence of my husband. I felt like it was her way of flirting to him or trying to be cute. I didn’t find it funny at all. I was very hurt and offended. When I finally confronted her, she said she didn’t mean anything by it and that she’s not bisexual or a swinger.



OK, read more, I get you are upset but hell, you and your husband confronted her together?! That is like better then 99% of all marriages. You have a unified front in defending your marriage, and that is awesome. How about you see this as a victory against an attack on your marriage. Which a husband who is a partner in your desire to keep it safe. 

YOU ARE LUCKY!


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## Blondilocks

It was* seven (7)* years ago. Time to dig a hole in the ground, bury it and forget about it. To still be upset about it is a little nutso.


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## Tca

Sorry I politely disagree. Not when we live in same town and see each other often at school, restaurants, etc. I left out a lot of pre-stories before this incident. She copied almost everything I did or said I wanted. We had a swimming pool, she got a swimming pool, then sold her house a year later after installing pool so she could build house in neighborhood I told her I would love to live in, decorated her house similar to my house, and now that her and her husband are divorced and she has a new man, she still seems to want what me and my husband have. We live on the lake, guess where her and her boyfriend live...on lake.


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## LosingHim

So I actually had a friend like this once. My husband ended up going to work for her husband. After my husband worked there a few weeks (my husband knew him prior) her husband suggested we all go out one night. I agreed. It was like 8 of us, we went out to dinner and then went to the bar and danced all night. Me and his wife hit it off instantly. Like instant BFF’s. I just adored her from the start. I was heavy into working out at the time and she wanted to get in shape. So she started working out with me every morning at 5AM. On weekends we’d be at their house or they’d be at our house. Watching football, eating dinner, she used to do hair in the past so she’d do my hair when I needed it done. Never charged me because she said it was the trade off for me being her personal trainer.



After a while, it just got really weird. I got a tattoo. She said she loved it, no biggie, I was happy someone thought it was cute. The tattoo has stars in it. Pretty common. So a couple months later, she says she wants to get a tattoo, but it has stars in it and wanted to know if that would be ok. What she sent me was NOTHING like my tattoo. Yes, it had stars in it, but it was the only similarity. So I said I didn’t care. A few days later, we take the kids to the pool, she takes off her top so she’s in her bathing suit, and she got almost the EXACT same tattoo, in the exact same spot on her body. The only difference was my stars were outlined, hers were solid. Everything else was exactly the same. It wasn’t anything like she told me she was getting. People would even come up to us and say it was cute we had matching tattoos. Which I didn’t like, but I didn’t see it as a big deal.



It just went downhill from there. At the time, I had my hair dyed blonde, red, brown and black mixed. Her hair was brown when I met her. All the sudden she showed up with her hair dyed blonde, red, brown and black mixed. Fast forward to our wedding. She knew a DJ and wanted to “gift” us the cost of our DJ as a wedding gift. I thought it was nice so I said OK. We requested to enter the reception to The Rocky Theme song as a joke. We talked to the DJ about it. When we walked in, he played Eye of the Tiger. When I asked him about it later, he told me she INSISTED Eye of the Tiger was what we wanted and made him change it. We have a close friend (male) who does this particular dance every time The Humpty Dance is played. It’s an absolute riot and we had told him he needed to do it at the reception. So, as a surprise to me, he had it played and took me out on the dance floor with the plan to really play it up and make it this big, goofy personal dance to me. That involved him kind of doing this comical grind on me to make people laugh (it wasn’t inappropriate, this is my husbands best friend and everyone that knows him and us know that it was just a goofy joke). As soon as he got to that part, she ran up on the dance floor and pulled him away from me and said that SHE was the only one I could dance with. Everyone in the place went from cracking up to WTF just happened. I ended up having a few too many at the reception and went into the bathroom to sit it out a bit. I went into the stall, shut the door and sat down on the stool in the stall. She came in knocking on the door, I told her I was fine, just wanted to be left alone a bit. She crawled UNDER THE DOOR and proceeded to try to hug me, stroke my hair and tell me how I was her best friend and she loved me. My husband ended up coming in and making her leave.



We hung out a few times after that (silly me) and things just continued to get weirder and weirder. We found out later they were swingers. She never made an actual advance on me, but to this day, I believe it was a way for her to get closer to me to see if I wanted a side relationship with her. I just stopped answering her calls and stopped hanging out with her. It was just too strange. Thankfully, she actually ended up cheating on her husband with a local football coach and her husband left her. We’re still friends with the husband (there was never any weird vibe from him) and she moved an hour away.


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## Tca

Thanks for sharing...if only this person would move far away where I don’t have to worry about my husband running into her, lol! I do not trust her to this day and it’s been hard for me to make any new friends because of trust issues. I know it’s not my husbands fault (the only thing is fault him for is telling her she looks good...apparently her husband told my husband to tell her that) but it almost ruined and is still causing problems in our marriage. I simply can’t get over it, not sure I will ever be able to as long as I know she is nearby. You got lucky with her move!


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## Kamstel2

as a man, if I was your husband, I might be thinking that this woman was a nut, socially awkward and doesn’t know how to kid around appropriately, doesn’t know how to flirt well, or may actually be trying to give you hints that she might want to explore a bisexual relationship with you.

has she hinted anything sexual with him?
did she ever “kiddingly” talk about a 3some with you two?

in the end, if I was your husband, I would probably think she was a nut and be happy that you’ve put distance between you and her.

but I would ado call you multiple times a day next time I went away on business.

maybe set up the location tracker on your phone and let him see where you are at all times.

good luck


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## Tca

No, she never hinted or talked about a bisexual relationship.. She did talk a lot about being self conscious about her body, but I think that was just a front and her way to get more attention and compliments. My husband was too naive to even notice and gave her exactly what she wanted...attention and compliments. He calls me the crazy one, not her. Now that she and her husband are divorced my husband is starting to realize she wasn’t happy in her marriage because her husband couldn’t provide all the materialistic things she wanted. Her new man has more to offer. I do think she was trying to steal my husband away, she finally stole another females man. Im not just upset with her, I’m still upset with my husband for being attentive to her needs. I would never tell another man (especially in front of my husband and kids like he did) that he looks good! This is why I’m still holding a grudge after all these years. And I’m very hurt by her because I thought we were becoming close friends, never knew she would cause so much harm in my marriage. Crazy part, she doesn’t have a clue how much damage she and he did to our marriage.


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## Bluesclues

Tca said:


> No, she never hinted or talked about a bisexual relationship.. She did talk a lot about being self conscious about her body, but I think that was just a front and her way to get more attention and compliments. My husband was too naive to even notice and gave her exactly what she wanted...attention and compliments. He calls me the crazy one, not her. Now that she and her husband are divorced my husband is starting to realize she wasn’t happy in her marriage because her husband couldn’t provide all the materialistic things she wanted. Her new man has more to offer. I do think she was trying to steal my husband away, she finally stole another females man. Im not just upset with her, I’m still upset with my husband for being attentive to her needs. I would never tell another man (especially in front of my husband and kids like he did) that he looks good! This is why I’m still holding a grudge after all these years. And I’m very hurt by her because I thought we were becoming close friends, never knew she would cause so much harm in my marriage. Crazy part, she doesn’t have a clue how much damage she and he did to our marriage.


I mean this in the kindest way possible but you seriously need therapy. My husband had an actual affair 7 years ago and I am more past that than you are about this.


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## Tca

I’m out, I didn’t join this forum to be insulted regardless if it’s in the kindness way. Don’t be a fool. Once a liar and cheater, always a liar and cheater.


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## bobert

> Tca said:
> 
> 
> 
> Hello! I am new to this forum I am female 48 years old and have been married for 26 years with two teenagers. I am trying to learn my way around this site and post a discussion. I would really like to get others opinions. I met a new female friend through my daughter and we quickly hit it off and so did our spouses. Without making this too long...(because there may have been more signs that went unnoticed leading up to this)...my question is would anyone be offended that this new friend said in front of my husband (who travels a lot for work) I’ll be your girlfriend while he’s out of town. Second time she worded it a bit differently. Husband had just got back in town and he touched my shoulder and she said hey, that’s my girlfriend! What would you make if this comment? Another female friend that saw and heard the second incident said that looked weird. Any opinions? Thanks
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Tca said:
> 
> 
> 
> Lol, I had to create a new password. This is something that occurred about 7 years ago, needless to say I ended to friendship but it still bothers me because we run into her often. Thank you for your reply.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Tca said:
> 
> 
> 
> There’s really a lot more to this story that bothers me, but I didn’t want to bore anyone with all the extras. Just glad to know I’m not the only female who would be bothered by this.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Tca said:
> 
> 
> 
> Right, she would say I’ll be your girlfriend when your husband is out of town, but never once did she say it just to me it was always in the presence of my husband. I felt like it was her way of flirting to him or trying to be cute. I didn’t find it funny at all. I was very hurt and offended. When I finally confronted her, she said she didn’t mean anything by it and that she’s not bisexual or a swinger.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Tca said:
> 
> 
> 
> And maybe that’s why I’m still upset over this...isn’t that most men’s fantasy. That’s why I felt like it was said in front of my husband, she wanted his attention.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Tca said:
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry I politely disagree. Not when we live in same town and see each other often at school, restaurants, etc. I left out a lot of pre-stories before this incident. She copied almost everything I did or said I wanted. We had a swimming pool, she got a swimming pool, then sold her house a year later after installing pool so she could build house in neighborhood I told her I would love to live in, decorated her house similar to my house, and now that her and her husband are divorced and she has a new man, she still seems to want what me and my husband have. We live on the lake, guess where her and her boyfriend live...on lake.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Tca said:
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks for sharing...if only this person would move far away where I don’t have to worry about my husband running into her, lol! I do not trust her to this day and it’s been hard for me to make any new friends because of trust issues. I know it’s not my husbands fault (the only thing is fault him for is telling her she looks good...apparently her husband told my husband to tell her that) but it almost ruined and is still causing problems in our marriage. I simply can’t get over it, not sure I will ever be able to as long as I know she is nearby. You got lucky with her move!
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Tca said:
> 
> 
> 
> No, she never hinted or talked about a bisexual relationship.. She did talk a lot about being self conscious about her body, but I think that was just a front and her way to get more attention and compliments. My husband was too naive to even notice and gave her exactly what she wanted...attention and compliments. He calls me the crazy one, not her. Now that she and her husband are divorced my husband is starting to realize she wasn’t happy in her marriage because her husband couldn’t provide all the materialistic things she wanted. Her new man has more to offer. I do think she was trying to steal my husband away, she finally stole another females man. Im not just upset with her, I’m still upset with my husband for being attentive to her needs. I would never tell another man (especially in front of my husband and kids like he did) that he looks good! This is why I’m still holding a grudge after all these years. And I’m very hurt by her because I thought we were becoming close friends, never knew she would cause so much harm in my marriage. Crazy part, she doesn’t have a clue how much damage she and he did to our marriage.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Tca said:
> 
> 
> 
> I’m out, I didn’t join this forum to be insulted regardless if it’s in the kindness way. Don’t be a fool. Once a liar and cheater, always a liar and cheater.
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Holding onto this much hate and resentment isn't healthy, for you or your marriage. I would strongly recommend you find a therapist that can help you work through it and move on.


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## Bluesclues

Tca said:


> I’m out, I didn’t join this forum to be insulted regardless if it’s in the kindness way. Don’t be a fool. Once a liar and cheater, always a liar and cheater.


Pointing out that you need therapy because you are holding on to a grudge for 7+ years that is impacting your marriage and quality of life is insulting? 
Okay, BYE!


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## She'sStillGotIt

Tca said:


> This is something that occurred about 7 years ago, needless to say I ended to friendship but it still bothers me because we run into her often. Thank you for your reply.


You ENDED the friendship with her just because this woman *jokingly* offered to be your 'girlfriend' during the times your husband is out of town?

Seriously?????

Where the hell do you live, in a Mormon Fundamentalist Compound or something? How utterly ridiculous.

*



I’ll be your girlfriend when your husband is out of town, but never once did she say it just to me it was always in the presence of my husband.

Click to expand...

*OMG, so _what_???

What the hell am I _missing_ here besides someone making a whole lot of something out of a whole lot of *NOTHING*???

I'm out.


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## LosingHim

Wait. So now I'm confused. Was the woman making advances towards YOU or YOUR HUSBAND?


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## ConanHub

Tca said:


> And maybe that’s why I’m still upset over this...isn’t that most men’s fantasy. That’s why I felt like it was said in front of my husband, she wanted his attention.


I think you are probably right about her intentions. It was said to be flirty with your husband but it would be hard to interpret her motivation or what she was trying to accomplish.


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## ConanHub

LosingHim said:


> Wait. So now I'm confused. Was the woman making advances towards YOU or YOUR HUSBAND?


She was calling the OP her girlfriend but only in front of OP's husband.


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## Hiner112

My ex and I probably wouldn't have even given it a second thought. There might have been a comeback about not sharing or not wanting to be her husband's boyfriend if I was on the ball enough.

After seven years, she'd only merit a nod at the grocery store or whatever and not a consideration at any other time.


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## sokillme

Tca said:


> I’m out, I didn’t join this forum to be insulted regardless if it’s in the kindness way. Don’t be a fool. Once a liar and cheater, always a liar and cheater.


You're a little sensitive. Just saying. And in being so you might hurt yourself cause we could help you.


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## Divinely Favored

Tca said:


> Right, she would say I’ll be your girlfriend when your husband is out of town, but never once did she say it just to me it was always in the presence of my husband. I felt like it was her way of flirting to him or trying to be cute. I didn’t find it funny at all. I was very hurt and offended. When I finally confronted her, she said she didn’t mean anything by it and that she’s not bisexual or a swinger.


Maybe she was leaving the door open for possible 3some if yall were to bite.


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## LisaDiane

Tca said:


> I’m out, I didn’t join this forum to be insulted regardless if it’s in the kindness way. Don’t be a fool. Once a liar and cheater, always a liar and cheater.


This seems like a bit of an overreaction from you...which comment was insulting...??
Also, your story is all over the place, so I'm not sure what you are really asking...and who is the liar and cheater that you are referring to...?

If you do not want people to be direct and honest with you about what they think based on their past experiences, it might be better for you if you are "out" -- NO ONE gets coddled here!! Lol!


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## maquiscat

Tca said:


> Thanks for sharing..*.if only this person would move far away where I don’t have to worry about my husband running into her, lol!* I do not trust her to this day and it’s been hard for me to make any new friends because of trust issues. I know it’s not my husbands fault (the only thing is fault him for is telling her she looks good...apparently her husband told my husband to tell her that) but it almost ruined and is still causing problems in our marriage. I simply can’t get over it, not sure I will ever be able to as long as I know she is nearby. You got lucky with her move!


Popping in late here, but this line caught my eye, in the context of the woman's behavior. Giving all the copying that she does, some of it in advance, maybe talk about moving to a certain place far away, as if maybe you or your husband is being transferred or offered a new job out there. If she moves out there in advance to you, then you have rid yourself of her, as she is not likely to move back so easily. Afterwards you say the offer fell through and you're no longer moving.


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## SunCMars

Life is very complex, as are situations, as are the people in them.
There are many scenarios playing out every second.

Reality and paranoia sometimes run parallel, sometimes join forces.
They sometimes enable each other.


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