# End of marriage.



## Doc Proditus

Hello gents and ladies.

I've been lurking in the background - reading stories, listening to advice but with a gut feeling that I'm going to post here sooner or later. And here I am....

Some background - I am... or rather should I say I WAS married for 8 years. I currently live and work in UK (for the last 7 years).
To make long story short - my wife put quite a lot of weight after her pregnancy - and so did I. For the first 3 years after our son was born we were simply too tired to put a proper effort in loosing weight. Wife also had a scar after C-section (baby was large) which seriously upset her. Our sex life prety much died. I need to add that we've had no family or friends in UK and were living a rather solitary life together.

In 2010 we left our previous job (working together - both self employed professionals) and decided to have a break before starting working again. We've had a grand time, spend time with family, traveled in Europe and US.

Unfortunately this is the part when snake enters our little corner of eden. A guy that was head of maintenance in our building turned out to be a personal trainer/fitness instructor.
Very fit, energetic, also former military (claimed ex-para/special forces). He trained us very hard and also very effective - we both lost a lot of weight and improved significantly. The guy - lets call him John - was quite often around, fixing things in other apartments. As I got to know him better - he was separated with his wife, and was hooked up with a girl in one of the apartments in the building. Their relationship went sour at some point and John was in pieces. I did managed to help him, putting his life back together, reuniting him with his wife and daughter. Our relationship has becomed real friendship, I have felt like I've found a real friend, like a brother I've never had. John would still train us both, but he would visit much more often, to cook a meal, hang out, go to the movies or for a pint or two. A real bromance (no **** in any way). He has helped us a lot and I have to admit that I've becomed blindsided.

In March 2011 my gut was starting to tell me something was not right - John was in our house almost every day and his constant presence was becoming a nuisance. One day my wife has left her cell phone on the table - and I've read the recent text message. Then went throught the all the other texts in her phone but without finding anything suspicious. I've played it cool, waited until the whole family was asleep then copied everything from her phone onto the PC and went with fine comb through every file. I've found some deleted texts that John sent which could be interpreted in more then friendly way.
I've purchased and placed a tracking app on wife's phone - I was getting all her sent and recieved text, calls etc. I had no proof that it went into physical affair but it was certainly an emotional one.

I've confronted the wife, she had no idea I was onto them. Then I went to confront Jonh. First he tried to deny then he was not saying anything. I have warned him to stay away from me, my wife and my family. He disappeared for 2 years.
Since that day I was still living under one roof with my wife and son but it felt like it was llike living with a housemate. I've paid the rent, the bills etc, the wife cooked and took care of our son.
The new jobs were not spectacular - daily grind - but it paid quite well. We were quite distant - I've felt that I could not trust her again. My sex drive simply died when I looked at her. Looking at other women usually managed to bring it back to life quite quickly but I have never strayed and remained faithful.
Last couple of months things were getting better - I felt we were closer, there was sporadic sex from time to time, we were thinking about buying a business and becoming the boss instead of a cog in the machine. 

Today I was coming from work a bit earlier (we both have to commute about 30 minutes) when I've noticed her car on the highway. When I was passing her I've slowed down to wave and I've noticed that there was someone else in the car. When she saw me she hit the brakes and stayed far behind. I was unable to see the face of the person in the car but it was a male. I've returned home and I've sent her a text saying if she's not home in 15 minutes she might not bother coming back, and another that I requested that she brought her passenger along.

She came back about an hour after. And the mystery passenger was no other but John. She said she's leaving and took a small bag from upstairs (and my laptop she's been using recently).
Our son is staying with her parents abroad - as kids have 3 weeks school holiday now.

On one side I feel the pain, the emptiness of the soul, the broken heart, the bitter taste of betrayal. On the other however I feel strange calmness and feeling of relief, like a great weight has fallen from my shoulders. It seems that my wife continued the relationship and took it deeply underground to avoid detection and by simple chance the ugly truth was revealed.
So here I stand. My marriage is over. There is no reconciliation as I will not take her back. 

I've let her parents know, my mother and her sister as well.

She will need to find her own place and bring our son there.
I will pack all her things, clothes, books etc into bags and boxes and will give her 2 weeks to collect. Otherwise they'll go to charity or skip. She'll need to take furniture she bought and all things & toys for our son.

Our finances were always separate - so no chance for her to clean the accounts 
I'll need to check if we have car insurance policy together and cancel hers. I will also replace all the locks in the morning.
I'm going to call the brooker, the banker and the owner of business we were going to buy and let them know that the situation has changed, I will no longer participate in the transaction. This might sabotage her chances of getting aproval for the loan to buy the business and she no longer might count of my income and support (rent + bills= 2000 USD monthly) and will have to pay it herself. Most likely I will try to find new place for myself while keeping current job.

No idea how this will affect our son - my own parents were divorced and I was pretty much raised by grandparents - she has no family/support here - and this is my main concern now.


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## MattMatt

Sorry you are here, but glad you found us.

Get tested for STDs/HIV.

Seek counselling.

Check your legal rights.

Make sure she can't kidnap your child and take him abroad.


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## Thound

Hate this happened to you, but I have to say, you sir, are the MAN!


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## Graywolf2

You are so lucky that you happened to see them. She has been more married to John than you for the last two years.

Since you are an admitted lurker here you know what the 180 is. Do it. I would file for divorce now. It will make things real for her and it takes some time to become final so you can always change your mind. 

Even though you feel that you already know enough about the affair, more is better (too bad she took the laptop). If she cries and wants to come back for the sake of your son it will be harder to resist her than you think. Information is power.

There is a reason that she didn’t divorce you and move in with John. She liked the lifestyle and finances with you or John only wanted the milk but not the cow, etc. 

The meanest thing I can think of doing is to be happy and tell her it’s because you feel so fortunate that you saw them. You wasted two years of your life but it could have been many more. Tell her that you hope that she and John will be very happy together and go dark. Hopefully John will freak out when he has to pay for the cow.


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## ThePheonix

Graywolf2 said:


> The meanest thing I can think of doing is to be happy and tell her it’s because you feel so fortunate that you saw them.


It would appear to me that the simple act of unloading this weight would make him happy. The girl wasn't a wife. She was a dependent.


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## MSP

Sorry to hear of your troubles.

There is a piece of advice that perhaps someone else could gain from your story: Never hang out with another man in your wife's presence when that other man is obviously superior to you in the context of what you're doing together. A wife should be able to admire her husband when he's with other men. If other men that a wife also has contact with constantly outshine her husband, this is asking for trouble. This is true the other way round, too. If a wife has a younger, hotter, happier friend that her husband sees a lot of, well, that's not great, either.


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## Stevenj

Doc Proditus said:


> Hello gents and ladies.
> 
> I've been lurking in the background - reading stories, listening to advice but with a gut feeling that I'm going to post here sooner or later. And here I am....
> 
> Some background - I am... or rather should I say I WAS married for 8 years. I currently live and work in UK (for the last 7 years).
> To make long story short - my wife put quite a lot of weight after her pregnancy - and so did I. For the first 3 years after our son was born we were simply too tired to put a proper effort in loosing weight. Wife also had a scar after C-section (baby was large) which seriously upset her. Our sex life prety much died. I need to add that we've had no family or friends in UK and were living a rather solitary life together.
> 
> In 2010 we left our previous job (working together - both self employed professionals) and decided to have a break before starting working again. We've had a grand time, spend time with family, traveled in Europe and US.
> 
> Unfortunately this is the part when snake enters our little corner of eden. A guy that was head of maintenance in our building turned out to be a personal trainer/fitness instructor.
> Very fit, energetic, also former military (claimed ex-para/special forces). He trained us very hard and also very effective - we both lost a lot of weight and improved significantly. The guy - lets call him John - was quite often around, fixing things in other apartments. As I got to know him better - he was separated with his wife, and was hooked up with a girl in one of the apartments in the building. Their relationship went sour at some point and John was in pieces. I did managed to help him, putting his life back together, reuniting him with his wife and daughter. Our relationship has becomed real friendship, I have felt like I've found a real friend, like a brother I've never had. John would still train us both, but he would visit much more often, to cook a meal, hang out, go to the movies or for a pint or two. A real bromance (no **** in any way). He has helped us a lot and I have to admit that I've becomed blindsided.
> 
> In March 2011 my gut was starting to tell me something was not right - John was in our house almost every day and his constant presence was becoming a nuisance. One day my wife has left her cell phone on the table - and I've read the recent text message. Then went throught the all the other texts in her phone but without finding anything suspicious. I've played it cool, waited until the whole family was asleep then copied everything from her phone onto the PC and went with fine comb through every file. I've found some deleted texts that John sent which could be interpreted in more then friendly way.
> I've purchased and placed a tracking app on wife's phone - I was getting all her sent and recieved text, calls etc. I had no proof that it went into physical affair but it was certainly an emotional one.
> 
> I've confronted the wife, she had no idea I was onto them. Then I went to confront Jonh. First he tried to deny then he was not saying anything. I have warned him to stay away from me, my wife and my family. He disappeared for 2 years.
> Since that day I was still living under one roof with my wife and son but it felt like it was llike living with a housemate. I've paid the rent, the bills etc, the wife cooked and took care of our son.
> The new jobs were not spectacular - daily grind - but it paid quite well. We were quite distant - I've felt that I could not trust her again. My sex drive simply died when I looked at her. Looking at other women usually managed to bring it back to life quite quickly but I have never strayed and remained faithful.
> Last couple of months things were getting better - I felt we were closer, there was sporadic sex from time to time, we were thinking about buying a business and becoming the boss instead of a cog in the machine.
> 
> Today I was coming from work a bit earlier (we both have to commute about 30 minutes) when I've noticed her car on the highway. When I was passing her I've slowed down to wave and I've noticed that there was someone else in the car. When she saw me she hit the brakes and stayed far behind. I was unable to see the face of the person in the car but it was a male. I've returned home and I've sent her a text saying if she's not home in 15 minutes she might not bother coming back, and another that I requested that she brought her passenger along.
> 
> She came back about an hour after. And the mystery passenger was no other but John. She said she's leaving and took a small bag from upstairs (and my laptop she's been using recently).
> Our son is staying with her parents abroad - as kids have 3 weeks school holiday now.
> 
> On one side I feel the pain, the emptiness of the soul, the broken heart, the bitter taste of betrayal. On the other however I feel strange calmness and feeling of relief, like a great weight has fallen from my shoulders. It seems that my wife continued the relationship and took it deeply underground to avoid detection and by simple chance the ugly truth was revealed.
> So here I stand. My marriage is over. There is no reconciliation as I will not take her back.
> 
> I've let her parents know, my mother and her sister as well.
> 
> She will need to find her own place and bring our son there.
> I will pack all her things, clothes, books etc into bags and boxes and will give her 2 weeks to collect. Otherwise they'll go to charity or skip. She'll need to take furniture she bought and all things & toys for our son.
> 
> Our finances were always separate - so no chance for her to clean the accounts
> I'll need to check if we have car insurance policy together and cancel hers. I will also replace all the locks in the morning.
> I'm going to call the brooker, the banker and the owner of business we were going to buy and let them know that the situation has changed, I will no longer participate in the transaction. This might sabotage her chances of getting aproval for the loan to buy the business and she no longer might count of my income and support (rent + bills= 2000 USD monthly) and will have to pay it herself. Most likely I will try to find new place for myself while keeping current job.
> 
> No idea how this will affect our son - my own parents were divorced and I was pretty much raised by grandparents - she has no family/support here - and this is my main concern now.


Sorry to hear about your situation. You made a tough decision that will pay off in the long run.


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## arbitrator

*Doc: You were your W's "Plan B" all along while she was simply waiting out John.

Get yourself to a lawyer's office yesterday and explore your legal rights. And if you decide to file, you should go after full custody of your son!

And seriously, get yourself checked out for the presence of STD's, pronto!*


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## warlock07

Nothing really there to tell you. You did the best you could and you are doing everything right.

Get tested for STDs.

Read the 180. and implement it. Don't get into arguments with her. She rationalized it. The reasons will only piss you off.


How are her parents reacting?


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## Graywolf2

I would say that after she gets a chance to think she might say that her being with John was totally innocent. She slowed down and he ducked because they knew you would take it the wrong way. 

It was obvious you didn’t want to give her a chance to explain and forced her hand to move out because of what you texted her. 



Doc Proditus said:


> I've returned home and I've sent her a text saying if she's not home in 15 minutes she might not bother coming back, and another that I requested that she brought her passenger along.


She will rewrite history. 

If she stays with John they were thinking about moving in with each other someday. Getting caught just made them do it sooner. If she tries the innocent BS then John didn’t want her full time or she likes her lifestyle with you.


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## BobSimmons

File. Like yesterday. Well done on bringing the hammer down. I might add it seems being caught facilitated this early walk out, it didn't seem planned. Detaching yourself so quickly and filing for divorce will shake her to her core. She'll realize she f*cked up and John is a snake, that relationship will not last at all.

Well done sir, sorry for your loss


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## jack.c

Doc Proditus said:


> Hello gents and ladies.
> 
> I've been lurking in the background - reading stories, listening to advice but with a gut feeling that I'm going to post here sooner or later. And here I am....
> 
> Some background - I am... or rather should I say I WAS married for 8 years. I currently live and work in UK (for the last 7 years).
> To make long story short - my wife put quite a lot of weight after her pregnancy - and so did I. For the first 3 years after our son was born we were simply too tired to put a proper effort in loosing weight. Wife also had a scar after C-section (baby was large) which seriously upset her. Our sex life prety much died. I need to add that we've had no family or friends in UK and were living a rather solitary life together.
> 
> In 2010 we left our previous job (working together - both self employed professionals) and decided to have a break before starting working again. We've had a grand time, spend time with family, traveled in Europe and US.
> 
> Unfortunately this is the part when snake enters our little corner of eden. A guy that was head of maintenance in our building turned out to be a personal trainer/fitness instructor.
> Very fit, energetic, also former military (claimed ex-para/special forces). He trained us very hard and also very effective - we both lost a lot of weight and improved significantly. The guy - lets call him John - was quite often around, fixing things in other apartments. As I got to know him better - he was separated with his wife, and was hooked up with a girl in one of the apartments in the building. Their relationship went sour at some point and John was in pieces. I did managed to help him, putting his life back together, reuniting him with his wife and daughter. Our relationship has becomed real friendship, I have felt like I've found a real friend, like a brother I've never had. John would still train us both, but he would visit much more often, to cook a meal, hang out, go to the movies or for a pint or two. A real bromance (no **** in any way). He has helped us a lot and I have to admit that I've becomed blindsided.
> 
> In March 2011 my gut was starting to tell me something was not right - John was in our house almost every day and his constant presence was becoming a nuisance. One day my wife has left her cell phone on the table - and I've read the recent text message. Then went throught the all the other texts in her phone but without finding anything suspicious. I've played it cool, waited until the whole family was asleep then copied everything from her phone onto the PC and went with fine comb through every file. I've found some deleted texts that John sent which could be interpreted in more then friendly way.
> I've purchased and placed a tracking app on wife's phone - I was getting all her sent and recieved text, calls etc. I had no proof that it went into physical affair but it was certainly an emotional one.
> 
> I've confronted the wife, she had no idea I was onto them. Then I went to confront Jonh. First he tried to deny then he was not saying anything. I have warned him to stay away from me, my wife and my family. He disappeared for 2 years.
> Since that day I was still living under one roof with my wife and son but it felt like it was llike living with a housemate. I've paid the rent, the bills etc, the wife cooked and took care of our son.
> The new jobs were not spectacular - daily grind - but it paid quite well. We were quite distant - I've felt that I could not trust her again. My sex drive simply died when I looked at her. Looking at other women usually managed to bring it back to life quite quickly but I have never strayed and remained faithful.
> Last couple of months things were getting better - I felt we were closer, there was sporadic sex from time to time, we were thinking about buying a business and becoming the boss instead of a cog in the machine.
> 
> Today I was coming from work a bit earlier (we both have to commute about 30 minutes) when I've noticed her car on the highway. When I was passing her I've slowed down to wave and I've noticed that there was someone else in the car. When she saw me she hit the brakes and stayed far behind. I was unable to see the face of the person in the car but it was a male. I've returned home and I've sent her a text saying if she's not home in 15 minutes she might not bother coming back, and another that I requested that she brought her passenger along.
> 
> She came back about an hour after. And the mystery passenger was no other but John. She said she's leaving and took a small bag from upstairs (and my laptop she's been using recently).
> Our son is staying with her parents abroad - as kids have 3 weeks school holiday now.
> 
> On one side I feel the pain, the emptiness of the soul, the broken heart, the bitter taste of betrayal. On the other however I feel strange calmness and feeling of relief, like a great weight has fallen from my shoulders. It seems that my wife continued the relationship and took it deeply underground to avoid detection and by simple chance the ugly truth was revealed.
> So here I stand. My marriage is over. There is no reconciliation as I will not take her back.
> 
> I've let her parents know, my mother and her sister as well.
> 
> She will need to find her own place and bring our son there.
> I will pack all her things, clothes, books etc into bags and boxes and will give her 2 weeks to collect. Otherwise they'll go to charity or skip. She'll need to take furniture she bought and all things & toys for our son.
> 
> Our finances were always separate - so no chance for her to clean the accounts
> I'll need to check if we have car insurance policy together and cancel hers. I will also replace all the locks in the morning.
> I'm going to call the brooker, the banker and the owner of business we were going to buy and let them know that the situation has changed, I will no longer participate in the transaction. This might sabotage her chances of getting aproval for the loan to buy the business and she no longer might count of my income and support (rent + bills= 2000 USD monthly) and will have to pay it herself. Most likely I will try to find new place for myself while keeping current job.
> 
> No idea how this will affect our son - my own parents were divorced and I was pretty much raised by grandparents - she has no family/support here - and this is my main concern now.


FIRST thing I'm sorry you are here and found out thbe way you did.... when i found out about my ex i caught her in bed, you caught her in the car! You did great up to now..... exept for your last words: *she has no family/support here - and this is my main concern now.*
She is now the OMs concern and not yours.... 
Serve her the D. papers and dont stop nothing.... if you ever think of R. with her I suggest that IT MOST BE DONE AFTER D.!

Wish other BS would act like you.


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## Doc Proditus

I should be more clear in the last sentence - my main concern is the well-being of my son. As far as my soon to be ex is concerned - she can jump from a cliff now.

Seems my last post dissapeared

Here's an update - I've changed the locks. I've called the car insurance company to check the policies - her car insurance policy is in her name so
I did not needed to cancel it. BTW - I'm the registered keeper of the car and I've gave wife half the money to buy it.

I've called the banker - told him I'm withdrawing from loan application, I've leveled with him and told him why, gave him an honest estimate of her savings and earnings. It might be much mored difficult for her to get a loan now. I've called owner of the business we were going to buy and asked for a meeting face to face this evening - I feel that I owe him a personal explanation and I know he is divorced as well.

The deal still might came through - obviously the banker wants the commission and business owner - lets call him Bob - is keen to sell as he wants to retire.

Divorce won't be easy - in UK it takes 6 months if things are going smoothly and there are no children involved which is not the case. On the plus side we don't own any property here (we've been renting for the last 7 years - I'm the only tenant on the paperwork) and as I've said before we've got separate accounts.
I've moved the money from my current account into the savings one - in case if she wrote down card & security from my debit card and I'll ask bank to send me
a new one just in case.


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## warlock07

How do you plan to take care of yourself ? What changes are you making for yourself ?

Be prepared for the anger.


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## manfromlamancha

I am sorry that you are here and all I can say is that you seem to know what needs to be done and are doing it very well. So that I understand you are originally both from another country ? The same country ? And are now living in the UK as residents or do you have to eventually go back to your country ? Is there a possibility that your stbxw will take your son back to your/her home country ? Also what country is this and would it be easy to stop her from doing that ?


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## Doc Proditus

warlock07 said:


> How do you plan to take care of yourself ? What changes are you making for yourself ?


I'm not sure what you mean. 



warlock07 said:


> Be prepared for the anger.


Yes, I feel anger, a cold smoldering anger, it's like a pressure in my head just behind my eyes. It will be there for a long time.
But there is another feeling of perheaps greater importance. *Hatred*. It will grow and in time I fear it might consume me.



manfromlamancha said:


> I am sorry that you are here and all I can say is that you seem to know what needs to be done and are doing it very well. So that I understand you are originally both from another country ? The same country ? And are now living in the UK as residents or do you have to eventually go back to your country ? Is there a possibility that your stbxw will take your son back to your/her home country ? Also what country is this and would it be easy to stop her from doing that ?


Yes, we are both Polish (and I do apologize in advance for any mistakes as English is obviously not my first language). We were married in Poland as well. We're both have resident status and we were both going to apply for british citizenship this year. She won't be going back as she wants to open her own business (dental surgery). As for taking our son back there is absoloutly nothing to stop her taking him away, 1 hour drive to either Manchester or Liverpool and off they go.


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## jack.c

Doc Proditus said:


> I'm not sure what you mean.
> 
> 
> Yes, I feel anger, a cold smoldering anger, it's like a pressure in my head just behind my eyes. It will be there for a long time.
> But there is another feeling of perheaps greater importance.
> Hatred. It will grow and in time I fear it might consume me.



Warlock ment to say what are you doing to focuse on yourself... example: gym?

also he was warning you of HER anger!!!


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## Doc Proditus

jack.c said:


> Warlock ment to say what are you doing to focuse on yourself... example: gym?
> 
> also he was warning you of HER anger!!!


I see. I've got some weights at home, I can start with that. When I'll move house and settle in new place I want to join the gym to loose weight and build some muscles again.

As for her anger - I did not felt any emotional response from her, she just came and took her bag with that POS as backup - I guess in case I'd go physical.
She must have been planning this for a long time - but I think I've forced her hand prematurely as she has not taken her jewellery. I'm thinking I'll ask her to give back everything she recieved from myself and my mother.
I've also started to change some passwords in case they were saved by Firefox on the laptop she took. I'll change router as well - she's has its wireless key on her IPhone, IPad and on the laptop.


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## jack.c

Doc Proditus said:


> I see. I've got some weights at home, I can start with that. When I'll move house and settle in new place I want to join the gym to loose weight and build some muscles again.
> 
> As for her anger - I did not felt any emotional response from her, she just came and took her bag with that POS as backup - I guess in case I'd go physical.
> She must have been planning this for a long time - but I think I've forced her hand prematurely as she has not taken her jewellery. I'm thinking I'll ask her to give back everything she recieved from myself and my mother.
> I've also started to change some passwords in case they were saved by Firefox on the laptop she took. I'll change router as well - she's has its wireless key on her IPhone, IPad and on the laptop.


wow.... she had her lover with her? man.... 
get all the rest of her things including her jewellery and put them in garbage bags ready for her to take them back. Tell her she has time till saturday cause on Sunday its Easter and YOU ALSO WILL resurrect!


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## N211SP

Doc Proditus said:


> As for taking our son back there is absoloutly nothing to stop her taking him away, 1 hour drive to either Manchester or Liverpool and off they go.


Please check with a lawyer on this. Although I am in the US I am British. I do know of a couple of times during divorce that there were legal requirements set in place when a parent wanted to take the children out of the country. That may only apply in Scotland but it is certainly something to discuss.


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## Gabriel

Doc Proditus said:


> I'm not sure what you mean.
> 
> 
> Yes, I feel anger, a cold smoldering anger, it's like a pressure in my head just behind my eyes. It will be there for a long time.
> But there is another feeling of perheaps greater importance. *Hatred*. It will grow and in time I fear it might consume me.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, we are both Polish (and I do apologize in advance for any mistakes as English is obviously not my first language). We were married in Poland as well. We're both have resident status and we were both going to apply for british citizenship this year. She won't be going back as she wants to open her own business (dental surgery). As for taking our son back there is absoloutly nothing to stop her taking him away, 1 hour drive to either Manchester or Liverpool and off they go.


Really sorry this has happened, Doc. And by the way, your English is excellent.


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## Lostinthought61

Has she and you spoken at all about this? has she expressed any remorse?


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## cool12

wow, underground all this time. 
i know it happens but BS want so badly to believe their WS about NC that they never expect it to go down this way. it's a great, but painful, reminder to us all. 

sorry you are here but i can tell you're going to be ok. take care of yourself and the kid.


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## Graywolf2

I think that your wife never planned to leave you for John. She was happy to live with you and have John on the side for sex. It would have continued that way indefinitely but you saw them.

1.	John was around your apartment often and you could prove an EA. When you confronted your wife and John he “disappeared for two years. She chose you to live with.

2.	You and your wife were going to buy a business together which would have intertwined your lives even more. That would have been a stupid thing to do if she was going to divorce you for John. 

She wanted to live with you and not John for whatever reason. She wasn’t ready for this to happen. When reality hits don’t be surprised if she cries and wants to stay with you. 

I would love to have a video of them (with sound) when you waved at them in the car.


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## Doc Proditus

Xenote said:


> Has she and you spoken at all about this? has she expressed any remorse?


That happened yesterday. So far she has not tried contacting in any way. I've let her parents know but they will support her in any circumstances.



Graywolf2 said:


> 2.	You and your wife were going to buy a business together which would have intertwined your lives even more. That would have been a stupid thing to do if she was going to divorce you for John.
> 
> She wanted to live with you and not John for whatever reason. She wasn’t ready for this to happen. When reality hits don’t be surprised if she cries and wants to stay with you.


It is possible they were planning something more devious - if I would sign the paperwork I would be one co-paying the loan. She would have the life she wanted and I would be stuck with half of the bill. Or maybe I'm just a bit paranoid.



Graywolf2 said:


> I would love to have a video of them (with sound) when you waved at them in the car.


She hit the brakes so hard that the car behind her almost crashed into them. To be honest I would not mind. But indeed, I would very much like to hear their conversation afterwards when they've realized the game is up.


----------



## Satya

I'm a US citizen, was married to a Brit (marriage was in the UK). 

I filed from across the pond after ex and I separated. We didn't have kids but I had a friend in a similar circumstance who did. She and I both divorced citing "unreasonable behaviour" and we were both signing the absolute in about 4 months. 

If you have good evidence, lawyers on top of things, and there are no delays, it can be under 6 months. Maybe our situations were ideal, I never had a source of comparison, thank god. 

I was cracking the whip from the east coast US, spent a ton on Fed Ex but it was necessary. 

I hope all the best for you and your son, sounds like your ex and her new bf are a match made for each other.


----------



## Graywolf2

Doc Proditus said:


> It is possible they were planning something more devious - if I would sign the paperwork I would be one co-paying the loan. She would have the life she wanted and I would be stuck with half of the bill. Or maybe I'm just a bit paranoid.


I thought of that too but you would probably have to sell the business at a loss in the divorce settlement. You would then pay off as much of the loan as you could. It would be a mess.

In my opinion John wasn’t prepared for your wife to move in with him. She was with him when the game was up so he was physically stuck with her. She has no place to stay so she is stuck with him. They just wanted to be fu*k buddies and now they are stuck living together for the time being. John strikes me as a player. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had another girl friend besides your wife.

That is why I would have a great time telling them to have a happy life together. It would be like twisting the knife.


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## badmemory

Doc,

You handled this well. You were resolute in your decision making. Most BS's wouldn't have been. I wish you the best.

But please educate us on something;

Over those two years she went underground; how do you think they communicated? When did they have a chance to meet up? In looking back, were there any signs that you might have ignored?

Those answers may help others who are trying to R.


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## Doc Proditus

To be honest I have no idea. They both knew I was computer savvy so they possibly avoided anything that could be traced. I was about to order VAR and place it in her car - just in case - when this happened.
The thing is she was working part time in the practice in a diffrent town that I did. She would usually finish at 2 pm leaving her an hour to return to the town we live in to pick up our son from school. She was also taking him for swimming lessons and tennis weekly. 
I work full time and quite often finish late + 35 minutes commuting and I would be home at 6pm or even 6.30 pm. If I would stop for groceries I would be home at 7 pm. So they could meet in other town, or in the gap between her picking up our son and my return but it seems unlikely as from time to time I managed to finish early due to patients failing or cancelling the appointment.
I used to go through her phone and her IPad every month or so - eternal vigilance and all that - but I was unable to find anything.
I was also checking the laptop but there was nothing there as well. It is possible she had a separate phone hidden away somewhere.

As for ignoring any signs - there was once time few months ago when she came back from Poland - the drive from the airport usually takes 60 - 90 minutes - took her about 2.5 hours which she blamed on long wait for luggage and heavy traffic. She went for a shower, leaving her clothes in a pile in front of the bathroom door. I've picked it up to put it into washing basket when I've noticed that her undies were ... how to say it.... a bit crusty. Heaving recently read Shamwow's story I've found it suspicious but not enough to bag it and sent it to lab to detect DNA/semen. Maybe it would be better if I did. Now when I think about it she must have stopped for bit of R&R on her way home.

In the next day or two I will be going through boxes of paperworks to separate her stuff from mine.
I'll spent next few days packing her stuff and her clothes ... and also my son's.


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## inman

It won't consume you unless you allow it to. Hatred will eventually burn out unless you keep feeding it. But what you're feeling right now is natural.


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## missthelove2013

he bangs married MOTHERS
he is a vile piece of shat
eventually she will see that and the ramifications of what she did will hit hard, albeit too late

how stupid is a woman that thinks a guy who bangs married women, married mothers, will stay loyal to them?? They get what they deserve...to be used and cast away...hahaha idiots!


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## Aerith

MattMatt said:


> Sorry you are here, but glad you found us.
> 
> Get tested for STDs/HIV.
> 
> Seek counselling.
> 
> Check your legal rights.
> 
> Make sure she can't kidnap your child and take him abroad.


The child is currently abroad. I don't think OP should be too paranoid about potential kidnapping - unless his STBXW expressed a strong desire to move back to Poland - but from the post it doesn't look like that. 

But if she wants to - she can do it easily - the kid has Polish not British citizenship. Could British law prevent the child to go to his native country? It usually works the other way around. 

Doc, just wanted to say that you are doing great - really constructive, business like approach - no additional drama. 

Hope your divorce will run as smoothly as possible and wish you luck moving on with your life.


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## inman

There's nothing we can say that will make this better for you. I wish there was. But one day morning light shall burst bright. It's a long, long road ahead of you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07

Couple of things. 

Had a feeling from reading your posts that you do not have much idea about divorce process in U.K. It favors woman heavily there. Discuss your legal options immediately. 

2) I meant that you need to take care of yourself actively. Atleast for the the next few months. It is very easy to spiral into severe depression or destructive tendencies after events like this. Mind your alcohol intake. Don't use it as coping mechanism. Reach out to friends. Start a new hobby if you can.


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## happyman64

Hey Doc

I am glad you are being decisive. And not only was your wife cheating on you but I think she was going to use your credit to buy the business as well.

Stay firm. Get her stuff out of there as fast as you can.

You said you helped the OM "reconcile" with his wife.

Have you contacted the OMW to let her know what is going on???

HM


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## manfromlamancha

Hi Doc,

OK I understand this quite a bit now. I am from the UK and have a number of really good friends here from Poland. I am really sorry to have you on this board.

OK so I am guessing the following (because I find it hard to understand the reasons for her actions):


I am guessing you guys are reasonably young (compared to me) and she was impressed with his physical abilities in training you guys. Somebody else said earlier never let your wife/gf see you bested by another male in your own home or environment - this maybe true and would be so when you are younger. I don't believe this applies to the more mature set (all depends on your mindset actually). I cannot see what else he has/had going for him other than his fitness.

OK this would justify a fling but not plans to move on with him unless she says she is in love with him. Has she said this ?

I am guessing your son was born in the UK (married 8 years, 7 years in the UK) - that would make him a British citizen. I would investigate stopping her from taking him out of the country. Although, as somebody else said she may not want to go back to Poland but you never know what "they" might do now that you have forced their hand.

You need to get a solicitor involved asap - you will want to stop her from having the scumbag around your son - now, and also following the divorce if that is the route you end up going.

You say she barely had time to be around him during the last 2 years. Yet when you caught her, she managed to have the [email protected] in the car with her - how was that possible ? Maybe it was on trips like the one she was taking that she met up with him. Else it would not be worth his while to stick around - affair without sex - not likely! Also I am willing to bet that the first time around you caught them (which you referred to as an EA) they had already gone physical and had been having sex then.

You also say that she and you lived more like flatmates. Now that maybe because she was with him and didn't want a physical relationship with you. If she says she loves him (and I still do not understand this), then maybe she felt like she would be cheating on him with you! You need to get all the details for closure and also protect any evidence that you do have. Although divorces are "no fault" in the UK, evidence of cheating does help with other matters like protecting your son, speeding up the divorce etc.

She probably took the laptop because it has information on what she was planning. Both with respect to the business you guys were planning to start up and also communications with POSOM! If you can "suddenly" commandeer the laptop and break into it (without warning her), it might reveal interesting and useful information.

Has she given any indication of what she wants now ? Taking an overnight bag with some stuff is no indication of anything other than to give her time to regroup and make new plans.

Doc, you need to take the advice being given to you of separating your finances and protecting yourself financially (which I believe you have done), protecting custody and access to your son, stopping the scumbag from being around your son at any time, and not communicating with her unless she agrees to your requirements. You need to fully list your requirements which should include:

The full truth including a timeline of what happened and when.

Her disclosure to the family etc.
Complete NC with the [email protected]
Her demonstration (actions) of remorse not just words.

Then you can decide what you would like to do. Best of luck!


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## ecotime47

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. The pain of betrayal is almost too much to bear. Are you seeing a counselor? Make sure you are taking care of yourself emotionally. Good luck to you!


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## Doc Proditus

Thank you all for support. It really helps - I don't feel so alone with all these thought that are running through my brain.

I won't have any problems with alcohol as I simply tend not to drink at all unless I'm at the party or its a celebration or family gathering. More dangerous for me would be getting into compulsive/comfort eating but I'll make sure it will not happen.

I've tried getting in touch with some divorce lawyers but it seems everyone is gone for Easter. I'll try again after Easter.

As for POSOM wife he told me to my face thay are no longer together. He might be lying but frankly letting her know (even if she would care - is not a high priority).

As for our age - I'm 37, she's 35. The other guy is 37 as well. As for him besides his builder/plumber/personal trainer gig he's also a motivational speaker. He seems very focused, very keen, getting things done while me I'm sort of more relaxed, laid back person. 

She said nothing about loving him - she has not mentioned a word about him for the last 2 years. After I've discovered them she only came in, grabbed her bag and told me that she's leaving. No contact since yesterday. 

Our son has Polish citizenship - her parents insisited that he was born in Poland.

I don't know how can I stop him being around my son. She will bring him back in 2 weeks or so.

You might be right - what I've thought was only EA was possibly also physical.

She took the laptop and unless she returns it I have no chance of accessing it. I have no idea where she's been for the last 24 hours. I assume she's with other guy.


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## arbitrator

Doc Proditus said:


> Thank you all for support. It really helps - I don't feel so alone with all these thought that are running through my brain.
> 
> I won't have any problems with alcohol as I simply tend not to drink at all unless I'm at the party or its a celebration or family gathering. More dangerous for me would be getting into compulsive/comfort eating but I'll make sure it will not happen.
> 
> I've tried getting in touch with some divorce lawyers but it seems everyone is gone for Easter. I'll try again after Easter.
> 
> * As for POSOM wife she told me to my face they are no longer together. He might be lying but frankly letting her know (even if she would care is not a high priority)*


*And I'd believe her! That would explain why the POSOM is on the prowl for weak-minded, unsatisfied married nookie! Largely an easy piece of strange with little work to do on his part!*


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## Squeakr

arbitrator said:


> *And I'd believe her! That would explain why the POSOM is on the prowl for weak-minded, unsatisfied married nookie! Largely an easy piece of strange with little work on his part!*


It says she and not he told that to his face, when it was he that told it to his face. Funny how I had the same thing happen to mean. When I confronted the POSOM's W she had no idea that anything was wrong in the marriage. I then provided all the evidence she needed, along with documentation from him about his prior As. Lets just say he was caught speechless. He tried calling my bluff, but I am not a force to be reckoned with. LOL


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## Doc Proditus

Correction: *He* said it to my face when my STBXW brought him along to my house. I use to know his wife, she was a bank manager then. We used to watch boxing matches in his place as he had a decoder and paid subscription for boxing channel.


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## 3putt

Doc Proditus said:


> Correction: *He* said it to my face when my STBXW brought him along to my house. I use to know his wife, she was a bank manager then. We used to watch boxing matches in his place as he had a decoder and paid subscription for boxing channel.


You need to find her and verify this. I would bet you get quite a different answer than what he told you.


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## arbitrator

Doc Proditus said:


> Correction: *He* said it to my face when my STBXW brought him along to my house. I use to know his wife, she was a bank manager then. We used to watch boxing matches in his place as he had a decoder and paid subscription for boxing channel.


*My bad, Doc! I just misinterpreted it as a typo! My profuse apologies, Sir! To you and to everyone else!

Notwithstanding, I will continue to stand by my original commentary!*


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## warlock07

I'm 37, she's 35. The other guy is 37 as well. As for him besides his builder/plumber/personal trainer gig he's also a motivational speaker.

When the time is right, you should expose people about who he is and the hypocrite he is by being a motivational speaker. Posting him on cheaterville won't be a bad thing. 

Can you tell us a bit more about the day you confronted him the first time ? 

Why did he feel the necessity to tell you that he and his wife are no longer together ?


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## Doc Proditus

Yes - when I've read all the deleted text from wife's phone I've put a spy app on it. Best 30 bucks I've spend. When I've finally had a clear picture I've had I just called him and told him we needed to talk. This was AFTER I've confronted my wife. On the way there my phone showed the text she sent him to warn him. I called him pretty much every vile thing I could think of and told him to keep away from myself and my family. He just stood there and has not said much.
When he showed up yesterday I gave him a piece of my mind as well, told him that while pretending to be my friend, behind my back he was sniffing after her like a dog for a year. He smirked and said "3 years". I asked - Does your wife knows? He then said they are no longer together.


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## Chaparral

Sounds like his reputation as a motivational speaker needs to be a good one. Cheaterville.com now covers the UK. Go to that website and post him on it. The folks here that do that have enjoyed the results . It certainly takes a bit of the shine off the affair for them. There is an option there to annoymously email parties that may be interested. You can also make the post in the third party to keep from sounding like a vengeful husband.


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## Chaparral

Btw, the way cheaterville works is that when someone googles the cheater's name, the cheaterville link shows up.

One fellow hat got posted, tried to force google to delete the link....,..unsuccessfully!


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## Doc Proditus

I've got a few pics that I can put there. I'll just have to write a proper posts for both of them.
I have also spoken with the owner of the practice we were buying. I pretty much told him the whole story. I explained that I felt obliged to meet him face to face and tell him why I'm pulling out of the deal. He was shocked but grateful for the information. Guess nobody likes a cheater. He'll be contacting his lawyer and other interested parties to put the whole deal on hold for the moment. Looks like in one day I've managed to unravel all the hard work and effort my STBXW put into the whole deal during last 3 months.


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## Chaparral

Most do not put their spouse on cville because of their kids. No point in embarassing him on the chance he sees it or someone he knows tells him about it. Many people google their doctors and you don't wanto hurt her earning power. Posom though is another story.


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## Doc Proditus

I will put her there after the divorce. Until then I'll bide my time. Revenge is a dish best served cold.


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## manfromlamancha

Doc, even if your son has Polish citizenship, if you go through divorce in the UK you can try to stop your stbxw from bringing the POSOM anywhere near your son - for a period of time. After that if she marries him, or he moves in as her partner or a regular boyfriend then it will be different. In the meantime, on the grounds of infidelity (and you need some proof of this) you can stop this from happening.

Also make sure you destroy this guys livelihood and reputation - Cheaterville is a good place to do it (just make sure that whats on there is the truth). If there was any other way to let his clients know what he has done (again the truth only) that would be good too. I would not spend a penny on being motivated by a lying, cheating [email protected]

If your wife works at a dental practice then putting her on Cheaterville will not be as bad as if she was trying to set up her own practice. So if she is earning already by working for a dental practice then it will not be as bad - but it is up to you, because once its out there it is out there for a long long time.

Also it is infuriating that he smirked and corrected your 1 year to 3 years! So he accepts that he has been "sniffing around your wife like a dog" but for 3 years, not just 1 year. What a lowlife!

I would definitely contact his wife to let her know. Who knows what hellfire she can rain on him! Make his life as difficult as possible and make your wife sorry that she ever did this to you and your son. Remember they hurt your son too!

Have your thought about what you want out of this. What kind of custody do you want for your son? What would you ideally have her do ? Might you even consider reconciliation given that she has already lied to you twice and disrespected you too. Somebody said that you should not tamper with her livelihood on the one hand, but on the other I understand the temptation to make her see the error of her ways. Only you can decide to what extent though.

Take care.


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## Dyokemm

"He smirked and said "3 years"."

This is worthy of losing a few teeth in my book.

Heaven help fools who take a 'do something about it' attitude with me after injuring me in some way.

A boundary I've unfortunately had to enforce a few times in my life (though never over infidelity in a relationship)


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## happyman64

Doc Proditus said:


> I've got a few pics that I can put there. I'll just have to write a proper posts for both of them.
> I have also spoken with the owner of the practice we were buying. I pretty much told him the whole story. I explained that I felt obliged to meet him face to face and tell him why I'm pulling out of the deal. He was shocked but grateful for the information. Guess nobody likes a cheater. He'll be contacting his lawyer and other interested parties to put the whole deal on hold for the moment. Looks like in one day I've managed to unravel all the hard work and effort my STBXW put into the whole deal during last 3 months.


Just the fact your wife has been cheating for awhile and was pursuing this business deal that required your backing tells you a few things about your wife:

She is stupid.
She is selfish.
She is conniving.
She truly does not deserve your respect or friendship in the future.

All you can be now is a good coparent to your child.

I am sure you are very disappointed in her.

HM


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## Doc Proditus

It will be easier to get a divorce in UK, as in Poland things might go very slowly - it could take sometimes few years.
I will try to track their activities online, already manged to find his twitter account. She's got one as well but so far no luck.
Realistically I have no chance of full custody. I got to admit to myself that despite beeing a cheating and lying ***** she's a good mother to my son. 

If the practice sale goes bust (which might happen) she'll be stuck in her old job which she hates (corporate dentistry). I might use a collegue to give the information to all the other dentists there and make her the center of gossips and a laughing stock which she'll find unbearable.

As for reconciliation its not on the table. I will not give her another chance, she blew it. Although I would like to see her punished and destitute its just wishful thinking - besides my son would suffer as well.

I can probably expect her to go after Child Support - I'll have my son DNA tested, just in case.


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## snerg

Doc Proditus said:


> I got to admit to myself that despite beeing a cheating and lying ***** she's a good mother to my son.


Good Mother!?!

I call totall bullschmidt on this.

She's been cheating! How can she be thought of as a good mother?

Your marriage is burning to the ground because she CHOSE to cheat. How can she be thought of as a good mother?

She went deep undercover and hid her affair for years. How can she be thought of as a good mother?

She's anything but a good mother, a good wife, a good person. 

Do you really want this person to be teaching life lessons to your son? Do you want her dirtball POS teaching him any life lessons?

Stop with this good mother garbage!
She is the enemy. She's the breaker of trust. The destroyer of marriage. You need to start thinking of her as someone whose sole purpose is to hurt you and start protecting yourself and your son.


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## Graywolf2

Doc Proditus said:


> As for him (POSOM) besides his builder/plumber/personal trainer gig he's also a motivational speaker. He seems very focused, very keen, getting things done.
> 
> When he (POSOM) showed up yesterday I gave him a piece of my mind as well, told him that while pretending to be my friend, behind my back he was sniffing after her like a dog for a year. He smirked and said "3 years".


John (POSOM) is a player. He seduces women because he can. He goes after married women because they’re more of a challenge, he gets to feel superior to their husband and he doesn’t have to keep them. I bet he has a stable of fu*k buddies he rotates.



Doc Proditus said:


> She said nothing about loving him - she has not mentioned a word about him for the last 2 years. After I've discovered them she only came in, grabbed her bag and told me that she's leaving. No contact since yesterday.


Your wife planned on growing old with you. Her world blew up when you texted her and she’s in shock. Don’t be surprised when she tries to get you and her life back. 

When she tries to deny or minimize the affair tell her what POSOM did: He smirked and said "3 years". That demonstrates how is ego is more important than her and her chance of getting back with you.



Doc Proditus said:


> I asked - Does your wife knows? He (POSOM) then said they are no longer together.


He might be telling the truth, but contact his wife anyway and let her know what is going on. It shouldn’t be difficult and it might cause POSOM problems even if they are no longer together.


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## 86857

Doc, I'm sorry for what you have been through. And here are some thoughts for you. 

The only thing I can think of that's worse than the deep wound of betrayal is for something to happen to ones child. I thank my lucky stars each day that my 3 precious kids are healthy, that they didn't succumb to drugs and the like and are doing well in life. Some of my friends were not so lucky. *I would take being betrayed a hundred times over something happening to a child of mine.* When you wake up each day, let that be your first thought. Give thanks that you have a gorgeous little boy. He will be a great comfort to you through this though he is young. *It keeps our capacity to love strong.* In your recovery think of him first because how you react will affect him. Try to get 50% custody at all costs. Keep him close to you. 

Be prepared for some rocky times ahead as you go through the anger. It will subside in time and a lot of that depends on the effort you put in to forge a new life for yourself. The gym is a great place to work off steam. Spend time with your friends and your boy. Try not to sit at home alone too much dwelling on it though that will be difficult early on. Create projects for yourself around whatever your hobbies are. Push yourself out into the world again. Take up a new language. I took up French and made new friends. Language classes are a great way to meet people and you mentioned you don't have a lot of friends there. In short I'm saying distract yourself as much as possible. The rewards will be great because in doing so you will be forging a new life for yourself, a much better one. 

Look back at the last few years. it sucked. You were on constant alert and had to keep up surveillance on your WS, your supposed soulmate. It becomes the norm for a BS. I was there too. What an awful way to have to live. That's over now. I'm glad you saw her in the car. That was the luckiest moment for you in your life so far and now you are able to get the poison out of it because it is like a poison, a black cloud hanging over BS.

Kudos for being so decisive. Many BS have stayed through trickle truth and false R and wasted even more years on a person who didn't deserve them. *I don't believe in R. *Read about it on here. I'm glad you don't have to go down that road. It's worse than the betrayal itself in many ways, being lied to all over again. 

You have forgotten what it's like to love someone and be loved. Do you think she is the only woman on the planet for you? Of course not. Someone else will come along, when you are least expecting it though I'm sure you are not thinking like that right now. You are very young. Good! Many BS on here have been with OW/M for decades. 

It is a relief to know she is a good mother which is why I wouldn't try to affect her career and her earning power. It's important that she can give your son a good life when he is with her. Also you will have to give her more child support if her earning power diminishes. She can now work full time and pay her own rent and bills so do not be too concerned for her welfare. I'm gathering you are both dentists which pays very well. 

As for POSOM that is a different story. I'm a great believer in revenge though it's always said that we shouldn't seek it. I see it as someone having to bear the consequences of their actions. Justice. So he smirked and said 3 years. Ugh! What a cruel jerk. After your divorce because you don't want to get her angry post him on Cheatersville in the UK. Put the link on here. Posters will make sure he gets lots of hits. He' a motivational speaker? Well my oh my. He probably has a website. Go on it and see where he is next speaking. Then send a short email to the organisers, probably best to create an anonymous email, and say that you question his right to be a motivational speaker given that he is a cheater and sees no harm in destroying marriages and creating havoc in children's homes. That he is in short a fake. I don't think it's illegal because it's true, not slander, though you might want to run it past your lawyer just in case. Any lawyer posters here? Please advise. 

The low point of your life has now passed, the limbo. She is clearly smart to have been able to keep it underground when you were such an accomplished snoop. What a nasty piece of work she is. Like all the other WS why didn't she just divorce you. Perhaps the maintenance man didn't pressure her to live with him leaving his options open. She was prepared to enjoy the comfortable life she had with you being supported. I can't imagine how it couldn't have been PA given how long it went on & the the opportunities they had. She worked part time and a maintenance man isn't tied to a desk in an office. 

Perhaps invite your family to come for a holiday. It's comforting to have our loved ones close at a time like this. 

I'm sorry my post is so long. I can never seem to write short ones! I hope it doesn't sound preachy LOL. I always feel so empathetic when a poster comes on here who has just discovered what you did because I remember only too well how I felt on my own D-day. 

Finally, D-day in the end is a great day for a BS because they find out the truth and who it is they are really married to. I'm glad you only wasted 2 years on her unlike so many BS on here.

PS. Hire a PI for a day and have him/her follow her. A female PI is better, not so obvious. You want to make sure the POSOM is the maintenance man and not a different. As unlikely as that may sound it's always possible.

PPS. Your English is impeccable!


----------



## rustytheboyrobot

MSP said:


> Sorry to hear of your troubles.
> 
> There is a piece of advice that perhaps someone else could gain from your story: Never hang out with another man in your wife's presence when that other man is obviously superior to you in the context of what you're doing together. A wife should be able to admire her husband when he's with other men. If other men that a wife also has contact with constantly outshine her husband, this is asking for trouble. This is true the other way round, too. If a wife has a younger, hotter, happier friend that her husband sees a lot of, well, that's not great, either.



What context is that? More money? More muscles? Less fat? Bigger ego? More confidence? Bigger mustache?

Why would I care if my wife has a younger, hotter, happier friend? Good for the friend for being young, happy, and hot. What the f*** does that have to do with my marriage?


----------



## manfromlamancha

Doc Proditus said:


> It will be easier to get a divorce in UK, as in Poland things might go very slowly - it could take sometimes few years.
> I will try to track their activities online, already manged to find his twitter account. She's got one as well but so far no luck.
> Realistically I have no chance of full custody. I got to admit to myself that despite beeing a cheating and lying ***** she's a good mother to my son.
> 
> If the practice sale goes bust (which might happen) she'll be stuck in her old job which she hates (corporate dentistry). I might use a collegue to give the information to all the other dentists there and make her the center of gossips and a laughing stock which she'll find unbearable.
> 
> As for reconciliation its not on the table. I will not give her another chance, she blew it. Although I would like to see her punished and destitute its just wishful thinking - besides my son would suffer as well.
> 
> I can probably expect her to go after Child Support - I'll have my son DNA tested, just in case.


First of all she is not a good mother - maybe you don't realise it now but she has already hurt your son by her behaviour. Furthermore, she will raise him with her twisted values (for at least 50% of the time). I do understand about the likelihood of full custody though.

Doc, I recently helped somebody on TAM who was having a problem with a [email protected] OM who was a bit of an internet celebrity and earned his living through twitter. I (through an alias twitter account) started posting "interesting" comments on his twitter post sites. This got an immediate reaction especially when combined with Cheaterville. If you PM me his details (do not post them here as they can be traced on searches), I can start the twitter campaign. Go on Cheaterville and look at sample posts, then create your own. Let anyone here who requests it have the CV link again by PM (just like with the twitter account) and we will raise the CV ranking! 

Do this quickly as it really is effective!

Your stbxw does seem to be a heartless user - she focused on getting her business going using you to help underwrite the loan while ******* the POSOM! She probably figured that once this was going they (the dental business woman & the motivational speaker/fitness expert) would be a financially successful match made in heaven and would ride off into the sunset! She doesn't realise that he was down in the doldrums for a reason when you first met and helped him. Also what went wrong with his "relationship" with the other tenant/woman in your apartment block? She will get hers, but I like the idea of causing her embarrassment (but not her job) as she probably wants to be taken seriously as an enterprising professional and this will undermine her.

Send me by PM the twitter details and also the CV link once you put him on CV.


----------



## Dyokemm

"he gets to feel superior to their husband"

Exactly the reason why he needs to get smacked in the mouth.

I hate these f***ing pu**ies who think just because they can sweet talk and manipulate some stupid WW into betraying their vows it makes them a 'superior' man to the guy they just screwed over.

I firmly believe that a BH should inflict a beating to such a c***y SOB to demonstrate unequivocally that being a sneaky low-life POS is not a measure of manhood.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I've slept like a baby. But I force myself to eat. I've started bagging her and my son's clothes. My mood swings from feeling relieved to despair. 
She left her passport, driving licence and other documents. I feel tempted into putting them through shredder. Could use some advice here.


----------



## arbitrator

Doc Proditus said:


> *She left her passport, driving licence and other documents. I feel tempted into putting them through shredder.*


*I would not do that, Doc! Just make sure that she ultimately receives them!

To do so would be done out of sheer hurt and spite and would only drag you down to her level!*


----------



## Graywolf2

Were you and your wife planning to work in the practice you were buying or just your wife?



Doc Proditus said:


> Could use some advice here.


You are doing everything right. As you said: "Revenge is a dish best severed cold.” What you want now is a quick and smooth divorce. You don’t want to do anything she could use to justify scr*wing you in the divorce. Be nice for now. 

You were also correct about protecting your wife’s income for the time being. After the divorce is final you can do whatever you want. Both your wife and the OM depend on their reputations for their livelihood. Hit them in the pocketbook.

Pack her stuff nicely and hand the passport to her. Your general attitude should be that you want to expedite her departure and divorce as much as possible. No hard feeling and just wish her well with the OM. 

The emotions you project should be relief and looking forward to a fresh start. Divorce should have happened two years ago and you thank God that you saw them in the car. You feel relieved because you dodged a bullet by sheer luck. You want to get on with your new life as soon as you can.

In your conversations with her you should assume that she loves the OM and will be living with him. After all only a who*e would have sex with a man she didn’t love. I believe this will drive her crazy because she doesn’t love him and doesn’t want to live with him. He doesn’t want her to either. 

When she admits that they aren’t together she is admitting that she is a who*e. You can twist the knife by saying: "What? You aren't going to live with him. I thought you loved him."

Even if I’m wrong and she does love the OM it’s still the best way to get a good divorce settlement while she is in the fog.


----------



## mahike

You seem OK with packing your sons things. I would not. I would insist on at least 50 50 custody.

Has she tried to call and talk with you about anything, the kid?

You are going to find yourself up and down with your emotions. Have you started IC?


----------



## BobSimmons

It might hard and it's sure as hell going to be hard but stay focused and don't do anything silly that might land you in trouble or set you back.

You have the high ground, her & OM will never ever be able to trump that. Whatever their excuses they did you and the family wrong. Ultimately when you've disengaged from her and everything has settled down and you've moved on, you can look back at it all with your head held high and proud.

Something your kid can look up to, but I'm thinking he already does.


----------



## Doc Proditus

mahike said:


> You seem OK with packing your sons things. I would not. I would insist on at least 50 50 custody.


Packing her things is OK, when I pack my son's clothes and toys I cry. But carry on regardless. As for custody I will instruct the lawyer and let him do his job.



mahike said:


> Has she tried to call and talk with you about anything, the kid?


Nope. Not a word from her or her parents.



mahike said:


> You are going to find yourself up and down with your emotions. Have you started IC?


Yep. I'm there. What's IC?

Update: I'm going through boxes with old magazines, letters, etc. Just found a love letter from POSOM. She kept it in the same box as photos of our son from his early childhood. I'll scan it later and post the link. It'll go into evidence pile to be presented to lawyer/judge.


----------



## mahike

Individual Counseling

My kids are the center of my life. I would suggest being proactive and press for as much custody as you can get. I know about the tears my friend. When you have him hold him tight! How old is he? What does he know about your wife?

The best you can do is show him how a good man lives his life. Get back into shape, work hard, keep your temper in check and show him as much love and devotion as you can

Stay Strong for him.


----------



## Doc Proditus

He'll be 6 in August. He does not know anything and is too young to understand. His mother is his whole world as she was with him all the time. Becuse of my work I was dropping him of to school and then had and hour or 2 in the evening before he went to bed. We had our time together at weekends - which made me feel guilty for being a "weekend dad". The new practice would have changed a lot of things - I could work part time, make more money, and it would take an hour off from commuting.

All I can tell him is: REMEMBER!


----------



## Graywolf2

Doc Proditus said:


> I'm going through boxes with old magazines, letters, etc. Just found a love letter from POSOM. She kept it in the same box as photos of our son from his early childhood. I'll scan it later and post the link. It'll go into evidence pile to be presented to lawyer/judge.


Keep the original letter for now and tell your lawyer you have it. If she notices that it's missing it will be very awkward for her to ask for it back.


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## mahike

Doc. It took me a moment. Doc Surrender or Betrayed. I hope it is Betrayed never Surrender!

Tell people here what you are feeling. Almost everyone here is a Betrayed Spouse and we know the pain you are feeling and how deep it goes.

Have you spoken to your family and hers about what has happened? If not please do this right away. They should know the whole story and it should the truth.

Because of your son your soon to be ex wife and her family will always play a part in your life. So do not play the victim but let them know she is villain. Also do your best to keep your son away from the OM. He is trash.


----------



## happyman64

Doc

Leave her passport alone. 

Just pack up her stuff for her to pickup.

When was the love letter written? Was it dated?

HM


----------



## Doc Proditus

Mahike - it is indeed Betrayed. Seemed ... appropriate. I'd rather burn everything around me and go down with the ship then surrender.
I have spoken with my mother and she was even more shocked then I was. I spoke with my mother-in-law but she took it with stride. For all I know she might have knew something as she came for a visit not that long ago. (She was supposed to stay for 3 weeks to help my STBXW so she could work full time and could catch up with her targets in work. She stayed for 6 weeks. My patience was wearing thin. I was quite happy to buy her return ticket.) Neither she or the father-in-law tried any form of contact. I think that no matter what happens, they'll fully support their daughter and simply write me off.

Happyman - it wasn't dated - it could be from 2 years ago or more recent, but by the age and wear on paper I'd hazard a guess - it looks old. When I'll put them on CHV I'll upload it there as well.


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## happyman64

That is why I asked Doc.

I know it is upsetting when you see the woman you love has been plotting and cheating for a while.

Cheating on you and the marriage.

Plotting to leave you while proposing to build a business/future together......

I went through something similar with a fiance and a few called "friends".

Like I said. All you can offer is to be a good coparent with someone like that.

She deserves nothing more. And most likely her mother knew already.

Are you both religious?

HM


----------



## Doc Proditus

Not really but she claims to be. We were both raised as Roman Catholic, had a proper church wedding etc. but neither of us had any deeper faith.

Speaking of her family - I got in touch with Brother-in-Law - he's US citizen, married to her twin sister (not identical twins). He's a solid guy. 
He was terribly sorry to hear the news, and was trying to get me into mediation/ marriage counseling. But it's way to late.


----------



## Graywolf2

Doc Proditus said:


> I'd rather burn everything around me and go down with the ship then surrender.


Everything around you was stolen from behind your back and was already gone. The only thing of value that remains is your son. Going down with the ship will only hurt you. 

A 37 year old, in shape, laid back doctor is quite a catch. Women will be coming out of the woodwork when the word gets around that you are single.

My wife and I are both physicians and made the most of the limited time we had with our children. The main thing is for them to know that you care about them and want to know what is going on in their lives. Our kids are grown now and they call us frequently.

Keep in contact with your son even it’s by Skype. When he gets older you can explain things.

It sounds like you were just a source of money to your wife and even her mother. The best revenge is to keep as much money as you can in the divorce. 

Your wife is already taking a hit by not getting the clinic she wanted. Image how she feels with all of her schemes going down the toilet just because you saw them.

Ask your Brother-in-Law to keep you informed as to what is going on.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Brother-in-Law and her twin sister live in Connecticut. I asked him to keep our conversations to ourself, and only tell his wife that her sister had a three years affair with a plumber, has been caught and her marriage is finished. Besides STBXW and her twin had serious row about a year ago during a family meeting in Poland and have not spoken to each other since.


----------



## jorgegene

It's not always wise to get back at OM, but this case is exceptionally rotten.

POSOM is a motivational speaker? Motivation for what? cheating?

Seriously, this is one arrogant, smug @shole!

He definitely needs to be brought down a few pegs, and if it serves as a salve for what they did, so much the better.

There are of course legal things to consider and protecting oneself and kids, treading carefully, but this guy needs to be exposed for the phoney hypocrite he is.


----------



## Graywolf2

Doc Proditus said:


> Brother-in-Law and her twin sister live in Connecticut. I asked him to keep our conversations to ourself, and only tell his wife that her sister had a three years affair with a plumber, has been caught and her marriage is finished. Besides STBXW and her twin had serious row about a year ago during a family meeting in Poland and have not spoken to each other since.


Maybe the twin sister can find something out from her mother or dad.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I'm not sure if involving her is a good idea. She's quite impulsive, quite often acts before she thinks and could not keep a secret if her life would depend on it. Besides blood is thicker then water, I suspect in the end she would stand on STBXW side.


----------



## Graywolf2

Doc Proditus said:


> I'm not sure if involving her is a good idea. She's quite impulsive, quite often acts before she thinks and could not keep a secret if her life would depend on it. Besides blood is thicker then water, I suspect in the end she would stand on STBXW side.


Keep the twin out of it. Just ask brother-in-law to inform you of anything that he learns from his wife that you should know. Are the in-laws pissed or guilty? Did mother-in-law know about OM? Was the plan to get the clinic then dump you. Tell him anything would be helpful and be kepted in confidence between the two of you.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I will. As for her parents - I don't know. Her mother seemed indifferent. She gave me some lame excuse and hanged up. I have not spoken to her dad, and I think it might be pointless. 2 years ago I called him when I've found out the first time but the only anwer I got out of him was "I understand".

Another issue that might be important - my wife is one of three sisters and always wanted more kids. I was thinking that it might not be the best time as we were looking for a practice to buy for about a year and besides I did not trusted her. I think her biological clock was ticking louder and louder.

As for my emotional state - it's much better that it was first time around. If your heart gets broken it hardens. For the last year I've also followed the many blogs of the Manosphere - looks like I'll be going in the direction of MGTOW.


----------



## Graywolf2

Doc Proditus said:


> Another issue that might be important - my wife is one of three sisters and always wanted more kids. I was thinking that it might not be the best time as we were looking for a practice to buy for about a year and besides I did not trusted her. I think her biological clock was ticking louder and louder.





Doc Proditus said:


> Last couple of months things were getting better - I felt we were closer, there was sporadic sex from time to time, we were thinking about buying a business and becoming the boss instead of a cog in the machine.


She may have sexed you up to make you feel closer so you would buy the practice. If that's the case then she who*ed herself out to you. Or maybe she was already pregnant with OM's kid.

I know you would do this anyway but if she’s pregnant DNA the kid. I understand there is a test you can do prenatally that only requires maternal and paternal blood and costs about $2000 USD.



Doc Proditus said:


> I think her biological clock was ticking louder and louder.


Do you think this caused her to plan to marry the OM and have more kids because you refused to? Do you think she was only waiting to buy the practice to set her plan in motion? Do you think the two of you could be divorced business partners and work together while she popped out kids with the OM?


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## Doc Proditus

I have no idea. And as far as I know she had her period recently so she's not pregnant. As for her & his plans - I'm beyond caring. 
I expect she will need her clothes, cosmetics and etc - so most likely she'll want to come & get them on Monday as she'll need to go back to work on Tuesday (unless she'll take time off). I've got 75% of her clothes already bagged. There are several boxes of paperwork that I'll need to go through to separte he papers & documents from mine. Should have everything done by Sunday.


----------



## bandit.45

Doc Proditus said:


> I have no idea. And as far as I know she had her period recently so she's not pregnant. As for her & his plans - I'm beyond caring.
> I expect she will need her clothes, cosmetics and etc - so most likely she'll want to come & get them on Monday as she'll need to go back to work on Tuesday (unless she'll take time off). I've got 75% of her clothes already bagged. There are several boxes of paperwork that I'll need to go through to separte he papers & documents from mine. Should have everything done by Sunday.


Good. Get her out of there as fast as possible. Then turn that house into the ultimate mancave.

Are you eating well and wiorking out, taking care of yourself?


----------



## the guy

I don't think your old lady knows the state of mind your in, maybe she think you will cool down and want her back...after all she got away with it when you busted her before.

IDK but she might come crawling back to see if you will still go thru with the business deal. She may see what a big mistake she is making while spending the weekend with the plumber.

Who in the hell ever heard of a motivational speaker/handyman/PT???? LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Doc Proditus

I intend to leave the place withing 2 months - too many memories, both good and bad. Besides walking into my son's room and seeing empty walls is simply to painful. And it's too big for one person. I'll look for something smaller, either 2 bedroom bungalow or apartment.
I've spent last 7 years in this town, and by moving away I'll close this chapter of my life.
As for eating - lost my appetite. I'm eating 2 meals per day. Haven't started the weights yet - just brought them down from the attic. I intend to start after Easter.
She put hell of a lot of time and effort in setting up the deal, she's not gonna give up so easily - if the POSOM has enough money and will support her she might still able to get it done. On the other hand if he hoped that he could live off her this might screw up his plans.
He is a proper snake charmer, when he switches his charm on his got magentic personality - charismatic, full of self-confidence and positive energy. I thought that he was my best friend, someone who would always stand by me and had my back. It took a sudden shock of betrayal to break that spell. I suspect that my STBXW has not really woken up. Perheaps for her it was the adventure, the forbidden fruit, something diffrent from her everyday life. But it is not an excuse. And I'm not a forgiving type. If I'd have any shred of evidence that 2 years ago their affair was physical - I'd divorced her then. I thought it was an early stage of EA. Most likely I'll never know, unless I'd have a chance to pulmp them full of barbiturates and start very through interrogation, torquemada style.


----------



## happyman64

Just cover bases legally Doc. 

Only give your wife her clothes and makeup. If it was me I would hide her passport for now.

She has probably painted a different picture of your marriage to her family. Cheaters usually do.

And The Guy is right.

Ex Soldier, Plumber, Fitness Expert, Motivational Speaker, Cheater & Liar = @ssh0le in my book. 

The two of them deserve each other. The last time we had a Dr. on TAM he made out quite fine.

Search for the user flyfishdoc....

HM


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## Doc Proditus

I want her to take all the furniture she've bought. It will reduce the amount of stuff I'll have to haul when moving by 70%.


----------



## the guy

The double betrayal sucks... It happened to me also!
My friend worked for me so I fired his @ss when I found out. He was the first guy I talked to when I confronted my old lady about some other guy. That's when my old lady preceded to tell me he was not that good of friend and why.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Doc Proditus

I've just put all our wedding photos through the shredder. Immensely satisfying


----------



## Philat

Doc Proditus said:


> I will. As for her parents - I don't know. Her mother seemed indifferent. She gave me some lame excuse and hanged up. I have not spoken to her dad, and I think it might be pointless. 2 years ago I called him when I've found out the first time but the only anwer I got out of him was "I understand".


Sounds like your cheating W may have followed in her mother's footsteps. Wszystkiego najlepszego, panie doktorze!


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## WhiteRaven

Doc Proditus said:


> I've just put all our wedding photos through the shredder. Immensely satisfying


Amen.


----------



## WhiteRaven

Philat said:


> * Wszystkiego najlepszego, panie doktorze!*


:scratchhead:


----------



## GusPolinski

WhiteRaven said:


> :scratchhead:


According to Google Translate (Polish to English)...

"Happy Birthday, Doctor!"


----------



## Doc Proditus

It means "All the Best, Doctor"  Dziekuje bardzo.

Just going through her papers and notebooks. She a bit of a packrat and never throws anything. At least now I can pinpoint when it started. There's an entry in her calendar - November 2010 - "You've brought me out of darkness" - I pretty much assume its the start date. I have also found two more love letters cleverly hidden in her other notebooks. Signed by POSOM but not dated.
He writes about their meeting in the cafe and cuddling on the coach there. I think my lawyer will find this quite interesting. I'm thinkng about hiring a PI agency for a few days to gather more evidence and some pictures - hopefuly it'll come in handy.

On the side note - my shredder died from overworking. Had to buy a new one.


----------



## itom72

Doc, you're handling this like a champ. I have nothing to add except to wish you good luck, and I love the avatar!


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## Doc Proditus

Philat said:


> Sounds like your cheating W may have followed in her mother's footsteps.


Her mother was an alcoholic - and still likes to drink to this day. She was quite a stunner in her days and was working in mainly male enviroment - my STBXW never said directly that her mum has cheated but you could read it between the lines. Her parents had rows quite often and someties were not speaking to each other for months, communicating through their daughters.


----------



## WhiteRaven

Doc Proditus said:


> Her mother was an alcoholic - and still likes to drink to this day. She was quite a stunner in her days and was working in mainly male enviroment - my STBXW never said directly that her mum has cheated but you could read it between the lines. Her parents had rows quite often and someties were not speaking to each other for months, communicating through their daughters.


A ho will raise a ho.


----------



## Graywolf2

Doc Proditus said:


> Just going through her papers and notebooks. She a bit of a packrat and never throws anything. At least now I can pinpoint when it started. There's an entry in her calendar - November 2010 - "You've brought me out of darkness" - I pretty much assume it’s the start date. I have also found two more love letters cleverly hidden in her other notebooks. Signed by POSOM but not dated.


As you go through her papers prepare a packet for your son that you will give him someday. Keep in contact with him as best you can even if he’s in a different country. 

When he’s 18 and starting collage meet with him and give him the packet. Tell him that you did the best you could and half of your 8 year marriage was a lie. Then help him pay for college. 

I would get at least one wedding photo from your family and keep it for your son. It will show him that you loved his mother and entered the marriage with great expectations. Then let him figure out that the bit*h cheated on you for half the marriage and would have done it longer but you saw them in the car. If no wedding potos exist on your side of the family then contact the photographer. 





Doc Proditus said:


> As for her parents - I don't know. Her mother seemed indifferent. She gave me some lame excuse and hanged up. I have not spoken to her dad, and I think it might be pointless. 2 years ago I called him when I've found out the first time but the only anwer I got out of him was "I understand".





Doc Proditus said:


> Her mother was an alcoholic - and still likes to drink to this day. She was quite a stunner in her days and was working in mainly male enviroment - my STBXW never said directly that her mum has cheated but you could read it between the lines.


Her parent’s reaction now makes perfect sense.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I've shredded them all, and the DVD as well. I still got a digital collection of photos from last 10 years, most of it will be deleted but taking your advice I might spare
a few, for my son's sake.
Found a notebook that she was writing down texts recieved from POSOM. Also a Valentine Card from him. She kept it next to the card she gave me a year before. More stuff for the lawyer.


----------



## Graywolf2

Doc Proditus said:


> Found a notebook that she was writing down texts recieved from POSOM. Also a Valentine Card from him. She kept it next to the card she gave me a year before. More stuff for the lawyer.


Your soon to be ex-wife and the OM will try to rewrite history to make themselves look better to your son as he grows older. Some of the items for your lawyer will also be good for your son to see when he's 18 to set the record straight.




Doc Proditus said:


> I've shredded them all, and the DVD as well. *I still got a digital collection of photos from last 10 years,* most of it will be deleted but taking your advice I might spare a few, for my son's sake.


It will be painful but I might keep some family photos with POSOM that show him being your friend. This will be to show your 18 year old son what a snake OM (maybe his step father) was. Pictures make a bigger impact than words.


----------



## Graywolf2

When your son is 18 you will be able to see him as much as he wants and you will be able to relate with him as an adult. Use the packet of evidence to prove to him that you did your best under difficult circumstances.

No matter how difficult your wife makes it keep the lines of communication open with him as he grows up even if it’s Skype. Your wife will use any inattention to say, “See, your father didn’t love you or me.”


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Terrible. Keep a few for your son.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Yeah. About 20 thousands photos to view - and decide which ones to keep and which ones to delete forever. I think this issue can wait few months.

Went through all the paperwork - took me a whole day - and separated and boxed all documents. I'm calling it a day. Tomorrow I'll be doing the most painful part - packing up my son's books and toys.


----------



## Graywolf2

Doc Proditus said:


> Yeah. About 20 thousands photos to view - and decide which ones to keep and which ones to delete forever. I think this issue can wait few months.


You have 12 years to figure that out. I just didn’t want you to do anything irreversible. One of your relatives probably has a DVD.

I’m an old guy and I know how fast the years pass. Someday your son will be an adult and I wanted you to be ready with your side of things and proof.

You did the right thing. It was cathartic to destroy your wedding photos and you made your point. it’s a nice touch.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Well thank you. I've packed the now empty wedding photo album among her books (all pictures ripped out).


----------



## bandit.45

Cool
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Philat

Doc Proditus said:


> Found a notebook that she was writing down texts recieved from POSOM.


?? What in the world for?


----------



## Graywolf2

Doc Proditus said:


> I've packed the now empty wedding photo album among her books (all pictures ripped out).


Even better :smthumbup:


* **** Don’t let your wife have those 20,000 family photos until you take the ones with the POSOM out. ***** If she keeps him around she will want photos of POSOM with your son as a baby to cut you out and show what a happy family they were.   Take out ALL photos that have POSOM in them. If you took a photo of the two of them, she will want that. Save selected ones for your son when he's an adult.


----------



## Philat

GusPolinski said:


> According to Google Translate (Polish to English)...
> 
> "Happy Birthday, Doctor!"


Wait a minute! Gus Polinski, Polka King of the Midwest, went to Google Translate for help in Polish??


----------



## Doc Proditus

Unfortunately she's got her own copy of these pictures on the flashdrive. But he's not even on one of them, unless she's taken some new ones. I have one selfie of them two together - that one will go to lawyer and on CHV.

Just had 3 hour conversation with my BIL and SIL. They were quite supportive. I feel ... better. SIL still hopes for reconciliation but told her its not an option. BIL has more realistic approach and is quite level headed - but he understands my decision and says he'd do the same.

Tomorrow I'll call my father in law and have a conversation with him. He deserves to hear it from me.


----------



## Chaparral

If it hasn't been mentioned, since your wife left, change the locks and let her in only when you can keep an eye on her. Do not expect her to be fair, honest or truthful. If she will cheat, she will rip you off.

You should hold her stuff hostage until she returns your laptop in one complete piece. Keep her jewelry in exchange for the computer.

You may not be able to keep her out legally but she may not know that.

Keep a var on you when she is around to protect yourself from false spouse abuse charges. Her and her posom may try to get you out to take over your house. Do not discount how vile waywards and their lousy partners can get.

Good luck


----------



## Doc Proditus

The locks were changed at 7.30 am the very next day (B&Q opens at 7 am). If she'll bring POSOM along again I won't even let her in.

As for the house - it's rented - and I intend to end the tenancy and leave within next 2 months.

VAR has been ordered but due to Easter I expect delivery on Wednesday or Thursday.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Doc Proditus said:


> Found a notebook that she was writing down texts recieved from POSOM.


That's a little odd. Who does that?


----------



## GusPolinski

Philat said:


> Wait a minute! Gus Polinski, Polka King of the Midwest, went to Google Translate for help in Polish??


Damn. Busted. LOL.


----------



## Chaparral

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> That's a little odd. Who does that?


Women being played.


----------



## TheFlood117

Doc Proditus said:


> Hello gents and ladies.
> 
> I've been lurking in the background - reading stories, listening to advice but with a gut feeling that I'm going to post here sooner or later. And here I am....
> 
> Some background - I am... or rather should I say I WAS married for 8 years. I currently live and work in UK (for the last 7 years).
> To make long story short - my wife put quite a lot of weight after her pregnancy - and so did I. For the first 3 years after our son was born we were simply too tired to put a proper effort in loosing weight. Wife also had a scar after C-section (baby was large) which seriously upset her. Our sex life prety much died. I need to add that we've had no family or friends in UK and were living a rather solitary life together.
> 
> In 2010 we left our previous job (working together - both self employed professionals) and decided to have a break before starting working again. We've had a grand time, spend time with family, traveled in Europe and US.
> 
> Unfortunately this is the part when snake enters our little corner of eden. A guy that was head of maintenance in our building turned out to be a personal trainer/fitness instructor.
> Very fit, energetic, also former military (claimed ex-para/special forces). He trained us very hard and also very effective - we both lost a lot of weight and improved significantly. The guy - lets call him John - was quite often around, fixing things in other apartments. As I got to know him better - he was separated with his wife, and was hooked up with a girl in one of the apartments in the building. Their relationship went sour at some point and John was in pieces. I did managed to help him, putting his life back together, reuniting him with his wife and daughter. Our relationship has becomed real friendship, I have felt like I've found a real friend, like a brother I've never had. John would still train us both, but he would visit much more often, to cook a meal, hang out, go to the movies or for a pint or two. A real bromance (no **** in any way). He has helped us a lot and I have to admit that I've becomed blindsided.
> 
> In March 2011 my gut was starting to tell me something was not right - John was in our house almost every day and his constant presence was becoming a nuisance. One day my wife has left her cell phone on the table - and I've read the recent text message. Then went throught the all the other texts in her phone but without finding anything suspicious. I've played it cool, waited until the whole family was asleep then copied everything from her phone onto the PC and went with fine comb through every file. I've found some deleted texts that John sent which could be interpreted in more then friendly way.
> I've purchased and placed a tracking app on wife's phone - I was getting all her sent and recieved text, calls etc. I had no proof that it went into physical affair but it was certainly an emotional one.
> 
> I've confronted the wife, she had no idea I was onto them. Then I went to confront Jonh. First he tried to deny then he was not saying anything. I have warned him to stay away from me, my wife and my family. He disappeared for 2 years.
> Since that day I was still living under one roof with my wife and son but it felt like it was llike living with a housemate. I've paid the rent, the bills etc, the wife cooked and took care of our son.
> The new jobs were not spectacular - daily grind - but it paid quite well. We were quite distant - I've felt that I could not trust her again. My sex drive simply died when I looked at her. Looking at other women usually managed to bring it back to life quite quickly but I have never strayed and remained faithful.
> Last couple of months things were getting better - I felt we were closer, there was sporadic sex from time to time, we were thinking about buying a business and becoming the boss instead of a cog in the machine.
> 
> Today I was coming from work a bit earlier (we both have to commute about 30 minutes) when I've noticed her car on the highway. When I was passing her I've slowed down to wave and I've noticed that there was someone else in the car. When she saw me she hit the brakes and stayed far behind. I was unable to see the face of the person in the car but it was a male. I've returned home and I've sent her a text saying if she's not home in 15 minutes she might not bother coming back, and another that I requested that she brought her passenger along.
> 
> She came back about an hour after. And the mystery passenger was no other but John. She said she's leaving and took a small bag from upstairs (and my laptop she's been using recently).
> Our son is staying with her parents abroad - as kids have 3 weeks school holiday now.
> 
> On one side I feel the pain, the emptiness of the soul, the broken heart, the bitter taste of betrayal. On the other however I feel strange calmness and feeling of relief, like a great weight has fallen from my shoulders. It seems that my wife continued the relationship and took it deeply underground to avoid detection and by simple chance the ugly truth was revealed.
> So here I stand. My marriage is over. There is no reconciliation as I will not take her back.
> 
> I've let her parents know, my mother and her sister as well.
> 
> She will need to find her own place and bring our son there.
> I will pack all her things, clothes, books etc into bags and boxes and will give her 2 weeks to collect. Otherwise they'll go to charity or skip. She'll need to take furniture she bought and all things & toys for our son.
> 
> Our finances were always separate - so no chance for her to clean the accounts
> I'll need to check if we have car insurance policy together and cancel hers. I will also replace all the locks in the morning.
> I'm going to call the brooker, the banker and the owner of business we were going to buy and let them know that the situation has changed, I will no longer participate in the transaction. This might sabotage her chances of getting aproval for the loan to buy the business and she no longer might count of my income and support (rent + bills= 2000 USD monthly) and will have to pay it herself. Most likely I will try to find new place for myself while keeping current job.
> 
> No idea how this will affect our son - my own parents were divorced and I was pretty much raised by grandparents - she has no family/support here - and this is my main concern now.


You were set up. Cold hard math. It's true. This entire thing was planned. 

Time to make life as difficult on her and "Special Ops Tough Guy" Yeah... Right. 


From first hand experience, let me tell you. 

Tier 1 operators do NOT TELL PEOPLE THEY ARE/OR Former Spec ops. 

So... Yeah. 

Get a shark lawyer. Fight for everything you got in your being to get 50/50 custody. 

This is going to get tough. 


I'm so sorry this sociopathic b!tch duped you and has torn your heart out. 

But... What goes around. Does indeed come around. 

Good luck.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I intend to have a PI company do a check on POSOM - see if he's got criminal record (could be useful in court) whether he really separated/divorced from his wife or if he really was in the army.


----------



## happyman64

Chaparral said:


> If it hasn't been mentioned, since your wife left, change the locks and let her in only when you can keep an eye on her. Do not expect her to be fair, honest or truthful. If she will cheat, she will rip you off.
> 
> You should hold her stuff hostage until she returns your laptop in one complete piece. Keep her jewelry in exchange for the computer.
> 
> You may not be able to keep her out legally but she may not know that.
> 
> Keep a var on you when she is around to protect yourself from false spouse abuse charges. Her and her posom may try to get you out to take over your house. Do not discount how vile waywards and their lousy partners can get.
> 
> Good luck


Hey Chap

She has been ripping him off since 2010. And yes, he needs the var. 

Because she is worse than your ordinary cheater.

She has planning this for close to 4 years. Both of them have.

They have been robbing him of his future livelihood as well.


----------



## happyman64

Doc Proditus said:


> I intend to have a PI company do a check on POSOM - see if he's got criminal record (could be useful in court) whether he really separated/divorced from his wife or if he really was in the army.


Not only for those reasons.

You need to check him out since he will be around your son as well......

Get the cheaterville link done next week. Share the link via PM and we can make sure it gets traction.

I wish you a Happy Easter Doc. And I know next years Easter will be much better for you.

HM


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## Doc Proditus

Will do. Also found his twitter account but its protected.

Just had an idea. Instead of alowing her in the house to get her things I should perheaps hire a storage unit and have the furniture shipped there, then bring bags/clothes and boxes/books myself then just hand over the key to storage? It would take more time and be more expensive but it might be worth it just to see her face when she will come and the house is empty of her every possesion.


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## bandit.45

I think that's a great idea if you are willing to do the grunt work. 

Pay a month up front and hand her the receipt. Tell her she needs to make arrangements with the storage company for monthly payments.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedAgain7

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> That's a little odd. Who does that?


Waywards living in the land of unicorns, rainbows and happy ever after with Prince Charming.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Located POSOM wife & kid. I'll consider contacting her to check if POSOM wasn't laying when he told me they were no longer together. I will ask her if they're divorced/separated and perhaps will show her copies of his love letter. What do you guys think?
Another thing - my mother requested return of some family heirloom jewelery that she gave to STBXW - wnet through her desk - found out a lot of empty jewerly boxes (10-15) and suprisingly she left behind pretty much everything that I've ever bought her and what she got from my mother. She also left everything that was given to our son. My theory - she either moved her own jewelery off site - indicating she had already arranged for a secondary place and been moving thingsthere for some time or she had it all already packed and ready to grab on moments notice. Its the same with her cosmetics & makeup - usually there was always tons of the thing in the bathrooms but when I've started clearing it - maybe 1/3 of what it used to be.
My current theory - she was ready to move out quite soon, possibly within days after loan application was signed. By discovering them I've pushed the timetable and forced their hand.
She left all her documents - passport, driving licence, all paperwork for the car, insurance, dentistry diploma (etc) - so I can assume she'll want them back.
I think I'll arrange a meeting in a public place and have VAR on me - for my safety and to have witnesses so she cannot claim assault or some bull**** story. If POSOM showes up I'll just walk away. If I could get POSOM's wife to come it would be a cherry on the top.
Found out that STBXW is looking for a place in our current town - looks like she won't be moving in with POSOM right away.
I will also need to find a shark divorce lawyer and get the PI on the case.
The game is on!


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## happyman64

> *My current theory - she was ready to move out quite soon, possibly within days after loan application was signed. By discovering them I've pushed the timetable and forced their hand.*


You are correct. This is exactly what she had planned.

Did you ever think your wife could be this devious???

When does your son come back?


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## 3putt

Doc Proditus said:


> Located POSOM wife & kid. I'll consider contacting her to check if POSOM wasn't laying when he told me they were no longer together. I will ask her if they're divorced/separated and perhaps will show her copies of his love letter. What do you guys think?


We think (read:know) it's a good idea and I believe we've stated this before. I know I have, and I believe I said that the story you get from her would more than likely be far different than the story you got from him. You should also try and find his parents/siblings/friends and expose to all of them as well. Strength in numbers. You should do all this in one fell swoop though; a tsunami of truth if you will. Trickling it out lessens the impact, and actually hurts your cause.

I would also put him up on CV right after talking to his BW (or whatever she is) and email the link to any and all associations that has anything to do with his 'motivational' network. These folks live and die on reputation, and you have the power to discredit him immensely.

Read the first page of this thread. It's a guide on the proper way to expose an affair. You need to go no further than page one. All you need is there.

Exposure 101 - Your Most Powerful Weapon - Marriage Builders® Forums


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## Graywolf2

Take a photo of all the jewelry boxes showing that they are full or empty. In the divorce is would be good and try and prove she was just waiting for the loan. Could she have taken the jewelry when she came back to pack a bag because that is what she will say.

If I were forced to defend your wife I would rather defend the affair than her waiting for the loan before divorcing. If true, she’s a snake.


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## Doc Proditus

Neighbour told me that she and POSOM came over when I was in work but as lock was changed they were unable to get in 
Called her and told her that if they'll break into the house all her documents (kept out of site) go into shredder. Also I've told my neighbour about the whole thing and he'll be keeping an eye on the place.
She will need the passport to go back to Poland and bring our son back from her grandparents - his school term starts on 29/04.


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## bandit.45

Did she flip out on you when you called her? Is she showing any remorse at all ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> Did she flip out on you when you called her? Is she showing any remorse at all ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Contact his w she may have quite a tale to tell and let her know what he has been doing for 3 years.
Especially that love letter.


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## warlock07

How are you doing though ?


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## harrybrown

It would be really bad if her "important documents" were lost.

What would she do? So the POSOM was with her? 

Good that you changed the locks. I hope she was really surprised.

Hope for better things for you soon.


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## Doc Proditus

The discussion on the phone was civil. She was not remorseful.
I asked if she's going to make it hard for me to keep in touch with our son. She said no. Told her I'll be moving out.
She was quite suprised and asked where. I said it does not concern her.


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## bandit.45

Sounds like she is being civil just to expedite things. She knows you could make things hard for her. My take is she will give in to most of your demands just to keep the egg off her face and get it over with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

I will never for the life of me understand how people like your WW can so nonchalantly throw away a marriage like that, and feel absolutely no shame.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974

bandit.45 said:


> I will never for the life of me understand how people like your WW can so nonchalantly throw away a marriage like that, and feel absolutely no shame.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can't either but my x did same thing. Some people only care about themselves and when you have that type of mentality hurting others is as easy as breathing.


To the OP I am astounded how well you are handling things. I spent about a week in bed sick when I found out about her cheating and then finally got angry. Used that fuel to do everything that needed to be done but first week was hell. Hats off to you brother!


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## warlock07

Doc Proditus said:


> The discussion on the phone was civil. She was not remorseful.
> I asked if she's going to make it hard for me to keep in touch with our son. She said no.


She also lies a lot.

how likely is it that she will get the loan for her business after this?


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## bandit.45

You need to do everything you can to keep your son in the country. Even if it means going to court and having a writ filed barring her from taking him out of country. He should be your main focus. 

Are you sure he is your son? Have you DNA tested him ? I would leave nothing to chance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Doc Proditus

Wolf1974 said:


> To the OP I am astounded how well you are handling things. I spent about a week in bed sick when I found out about her cheating and then finally got angry. Used that fuel to do everything that needed to be done but first week was hell. Hats off to you brother!


Well thank you. I had a feeling something was not right for a quite some time but could not pinpoint it or prove anything. But I was doing quite a bit of research over the internet, which brought me here to TAM. I just never expected to post my story here.

As for handling things - I turned the pain into anger and hatred. They sustain me and give me strenght. I have devised a plan and follow it. I know how my wife thinks, I know how POSOM thinks - I know how to hurt them, I know that I will hurt them but I am perfectly willing to wait for proper time.
I try to keep a few steps ahead of them and it seems to be working so far. The POSOM and STBXW do not realize how badly they have underestimated me.



warlock07 said:


> She also lies a lot.
> 
> how likely is it that she will get the loan for her business after this?


When dealing with a know liar I assume that every word is a lie. As for a business loan I haven't asked - I'm planning on having a lunch with practice owner next week so maybe I'll learn something new.



bandit.45 said:


> Are you sure he is your son? Have you DNA tested him ? I would leave nothing to chance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She goes to Poland on Sunday and will bring him back 1st of May. I'll need to check DNA kits avalible in UK and make sure.


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## warlock07

Revenge is good but not at the cost of your own sanity. Make that call yourself.


So do you think the sporadic sex in the last couple of months, was she managing you ?


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## CASE_Sensitive

Is there any chance the POSOM is violent?


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## Doc Proditus

warlock07 said:


> So do you think the sporadic sex in the last couple of months, was she managing you ?


Unlikely, as I would sometimes wake up in a middle of a night with a sudden urge  and wake her up for a bit of R&R.



CASE_Sensitive said:


> Is there any chance the POSOM is violent?


Yeah. When we were friends I've seen him start a fight with 4 guys that were bigger and much heavier then he was and knock all 4 of them out in less then a minute.
In a fight he is increadibly fast. I would not go against him without a gun or a Taser. And to make things interesting he lived in the area most of his life so he's pretty much on his home turf. I'm building my own networks of contacts but it will take time to get to know people who can make such a problem dissapear.


----------



## tom67

Doc Proditus said:


> Unlikely, as I would sometimes wake up in a middle of a night with a sudden urge  and wake her up for a bit of R&R.
> 
> 
> Yeah. When we were friends I've seen him start a fight with 4 guys that were bigger and much heavier then he was and knock all 4 of them out in less then a minute.
> In a fight he is increadibly fast. I would not go against him without a gun or a Taser. And to make things interesting he lived in the area most of his life so he's pretty much on his home turf. I'm building my own networks of contacts but it will take time to get to know people who can make such a problem dissapear.


Start out with a cheaterville post for posom and hit where it will hurt as in motivational speaking.
I would start there.


----------



## Doc Proditus

tom67 said:


> Start out with a cheaterville post for posom and hit where it will hurt as in motivational speaking.
> I would start there.


I've got a rough draft that I'll need to polish up a bit and put on CHV - should be done by the end of this week. I wanted to meet with his (ex?)wife to gather more information and have a better picture of the whole thing. I've found her on Twitter and sent her a message asking for contact. I've done it this morning - had no answer yet - it is a possibilty that she will want to avoid contact.
The Easter is over and I'm back in work - but I'll keep you folks up to date how this thing develops. And I'd greatly appreciate all advice and your input. Fresh perspective and view from a different angle are really useful.


----------



## bandit.45

Well remember... ultimately she is your enemy, not the OM. The OM did not make vows to you. Cheaterville sounds good, but expect this guy to retaliate. He will know you are the one who posted it. You better have a contingency plan ready if he shows up at your house or work. 

A taser is good medicine, but you would have to lure him in close to use it. 

But back to her: it sounds like she will be using him the same way she used you: as a means to an end. She sounds like a sociopath. 

Are you in England? Where do you live?


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## Doc Proditus

North Wales.

I don't give them more then 2-3 years together before they'll split, maybe more if she'll convince him to have a child with her. But he'll walk away in the end and then she'll go back to her parents, to be the bane of their existance - and I find such result satisfactory on several levels.


----------



## owl6118

Doc Proditus said:


> North Wales.


Spent time there once. One of the loveliest places I ever saw anywhere. Hard place to make a living, though.


----------



## bandit.45

Doc Proditus said:


> North Wales.
> 
> I don't give them more then 2-3 years together before they'll split, maybe more if she'll convince him to have a child with her. But he'll walk away in the end and then she'll go back to her parents, to be the bane of their existance - and I find such result satisfactory on several levels.


I agree. She seems to be a bit of a parasite.

What the hell ever attracted you to her? 

By the way, Welsh guys are the best drinkers in the world. I've never seen anyone who could outdrink a Welshman. I tried once and I about damned near ended up in the hospital.


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## lovelygirl

Keep the good job up Doc! 
You're behaving like an alpha would most likely do...although I'm curious to know.

What did you do/say or act like when OM told you (by smirking) that they've been seeing each other not 1 year like you thought...but 3 ?? 

Didn't you feel like you wanted to strangle him?


----------



## 3putt

lovelygirl said:


> Keep the good job up Doc!
> You're behaving like an alpha would most likely do...although I'm curious to know.
> 
> *What did you do/say or act like when OM told you (by smirking) that they've been seeing each other not 1 year like you though...but 3 ?? *
> 
> Didn't you feel like you wanted to strangle him?


That arrogant smirk would motivate me to destroy that MFer as much as I possibly could. Considering what he does, our guy has the ammo to do just that. When I read this last night, my blood boiled over for Doc.

Just damn!


----------



## Chaparral

lovelygirl said:


> Keep the good job up Doc!
> You're behaving like an alpha would most likely do...although I'm curious to know.
> 
> What did you do/say or act like when OM told you (by smirking) that they've been seeing each other not 1 year like you though...but 3 ??
> 
> Didn't you feel like you wanted to strangle him?


I expect the smirking was very counter productive. He can gloat now, but I'm guessing he will rue the day. Kicking a guy when he is down fills the victim with an unholy resolve. Payback is hell.


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## walkonmars

His arrogant smirking + his physical prowess + your plan to place his mug on cheaterville = keep a VAR on you at all times + don't be caught alone with him anywhere/anytime 

Stay strong you're doing fine.


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## Doc Proditus

bandit.45 said:


> I agree. She seems to be a bit of a parasite.
> 
> What the hell ever attracted you to her?
> 
> By the way, Welsh guys are the best drinkers in the world. I've never seen anyone who could outdrink a Welshman. I tried once and I about damned near ended up in the hospital.


I ask myself the same question.

As for Welsh drinking prowess - possibly true when it comes to beer. But when few years ago I organized a party when the drink of choice was quality polish vodka I was the last man standing


----------



## tom67

Doc Proditus said:


> I ask myself the same question.
> 
> As for Welsh drinking prowess - possibly true when it comes to beer. But when few years ago I organized a party when the drink of choice was quality polish vodka I was the last man standing


Beer made me p!ss way too much.

Watch the booz during this transaction brother.
And I'll get ripped for this but get some strange (get laid)

It works.


----------



## bandit.45

Doc Proditus said:


> I ask myself the same question.
> 
> As for Welsh drinking prowess - possibly true when it comes to beer. But when few years ago I organized a party when the drink of choice was quality polish vodka I was the last man standing


You guys have livers made of iron. 

Keep that taser on you handy at all times. I could see the OM ambushing you out on the street or something, most likely at the prompting of that WW of yours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> You guys have livers made of iron.
> 
> Keep that taser on you handy at all times. I could see the OM ambushing you out on the street or something, most likely at the prompting of that WW of yours.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree:
If it will make you feel better watch my car burn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Xy0tRcml4U

Hey I was going to give to d 15.


----------



## LongWalk

My mother is from N. Wales. Spent a lot of time there. We have been up and down the same roads.


----------



## harrybrown

Are you still keeping the VAR on you at all times?

Might be a good idea.


----------



## Doc Proditus

This must be my lucky day.
My VAR just arrived and afterwards I went shopping and who was the first person I've met - POSOM's (ex?) wife which I was trying to contact without much success for last couple of days.
I've told her we needed to talk in private - but their daughter was with her so she agreed to meet on Friday afternoon. I'll find out if they're still married/separated and if she was aware of the whole thing - and if I like what I'll hear I'll give her copies of the love letters I've found and tell her the whole story. I'll be keeping the VAR on me, just have to unpack it and set the whole thing up.


----------



## bandit.45

Good news. Just be prepared to be killed as the messenger. She may thank you or she may ask you to leave her alone and never approach her again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Doc Proditus

I think she knows - I've got a feeling she really wanted to talk but was not ready to do it in front of her daughter.


----------



## WhiteRaven

bandit.45 said:


> Good news. Just be prepared to be killed as the messenger. She may thank you or she may ask you to leave her alone and never approach her again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


.... or she may be ready to bang you.

A guy can always hope, right?


----------



## bandit.45

WhiteRaven said:


> .... or she may be ready to bang you.
> 
> A guy can always hope, right?


Only if she's good looking. She may look like a man with breasts.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Nah.. I'd say she's rather plain... normally would not bang.
Besides until divorce is finalized and I am again single - I would not consider affair, no matter how tempting. There are promises that I have made to myself and quoting Frank Underwood - "The nature of promises is that they remain immune to changing circumstances." I consider myself a man of my word.


----------



## bandit.45

You're a good man.

If I may ask, how did your WW and the OM hook up? Do you know the circumstances? He sounds like a tough customer. Why would she dump you for a scumbag ? Other than she is scum too. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Doc Proditus

He was contracted to do maintenence in our building. My STBXW gained a lot of weight during pregnancy and was desperate to loose it. If my memory serves me right he came over to replace a faulty washing mashine, saw her food chart attached to the fridge and started saying that her diet/food intake was wrong and told her he'll prepare proper list for both of us, which he did. He said that he had a side gig besides property maintenence - individual personal training sessions. We've both started training with him, with good results. He was hooked up with another young woman that was living in the same building - when their relationship collapsed he was all broken up - I helped him to get his sh*t together and convinced him to go back to his wife and daughter.
We've became friends after that and started hanging out, drinking beer, watching football (soccer) games etc. I was completly blinsided and missed/ignored all the signs and red flags until I've read a text in my STBXW phone. I confronted both of them (separately) and he disappeared for the next 2 years. As far as I knew it then the whole thing between them never got physical and foolishly assumed it was EA. I intended to divorce my wife then but due to strong pressure from both sides of the family, and most importantly the consideration for my son I have attempted to reconcile and save the marriage. If I only knew then what I know now.... most likely I'd be a widower  with a line of girls ready to take care of me and my son.


----------



## bandit.45

Sorry man. That sucks. Did she come from Poland to be with you or was she already in country when you met?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Doc Proditus

We got together in 2002, got married in 2006, came over to UK in 2007.

Our son was born in 2008. She started the affair in 2011. Our marriage ended in 2014.


----------



## bandit.45

Are you Polish?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Doc Proditus

Yes.


----------



## bandit.45

Will you stay in Wales if she doesn't let you see your boy?


----------



## cool12

quoting francis?
oh dear.


----------



## Nucking Futs

bandit.45 said:


> Will you stay in Wales if she doesn't let you see your boy?


This is probably not a good time to be returning to Poland, or any other eastern European country. Try to keep your boy in Wales if you can.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Texted practice owner today to check if STBXW contacted him about the sale of the practice - he said she didn't. Hopefully managed to sink her whole business plan.
Also I've spoken with my colleague who knows all the dentist in her practice. Told him to spread the new - that STBXW is a cheating wh*re that was screwing the plumber for the last 3 years and have abandoned her husband for him. She is not very liked there as she thinks she's better then all other dentist combined and she sometimes looses control and is nasty to nurses and makes them cry. The gossip will kill her, one of the things she is unable to tolerate is if someone is laughing at her.


----------



## Tobyboy

Doc Proditus said:


> Texted practice owner today to check if STBXW contacted him about the sale of the practice - he said she didn't. Hopefully managed to sink her whole business plan.
> Also I've spoken with my colleague who knows all the dentist in her practice. Told him to spread the new - that STBXW is a cheating wh*re that was screwing the plumber for the last 3 years and have abandoned her husband for him. She is not very liked there as she thinks she's better then all other dentist combined and she sometimes looses control and is nasty to nurses and makes them cry. The gossip will kill her, one of the things she is unable to tolerate is if someone is laughing at her.


Great job on starting the exposure! 

Have you secured all your assets? 

I think the OM is just using your WW for his next meal ticket. Once word gets out, he'll probably dump your WW. 

Any idea what the OM been doing the last two years(besides your WW)?


----------



## LongWalk

Dentist getting her pipes cleaned by maintenance man/personal trainer. She affaired down.


----------



## Tobyboy

LongWalk said:


> Dentist getting her pipes cleaned by maintenance man/personal trainer. She affaired down.


They all do.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Tobyboy said:


> Great job on starting the exposure!
> 
> Have you secured all your assets?
> 
> I think the OM is just using your WW for his next meal ticket. Once word gets out, he'll probably dump your WW.
> 
> Any idea what the OM been doing the last two years(besides your WW)?


Yes, changed all the passwords for sites & internet banking. I've also contacted my bank for new debit & credit cards.

I hope he dumps her. I want to see her dreams crush and burn one by one. 

As for his activities - no idea - I know that he moved out of the town - I went to check out his place and it was empty with "To rent" sign.


----------



## happyman64

Doc



> I hope he dumps her. I want to see her dreams crush and burn one by one.


While I get this and understand the anger, especially with a long term betrayal like you are experiencing let me just say that the best revenge will be you living your dreams.....

Without her.

I have kept track of the POSOM's and wayward fiance just for kicks.

And my life turned out a whole lot better than theirs did.

In some ways I pity them.

Just do not give yourself a heartattack over her infidelity.

HM


----------



## Doc Proditus

I've been doing a bit of forensic research on the data I've pulled from her phone 2 years ago. I can pinpoint the exact starting point of the affair - September/October 2011. It coincides with me starting a new job and beeing gone from the house for 8-9 hours daily. POSOM made his move then, as we was alone in the house and bored... as she started her new job in November/December 2011.

BTW - found another notebook. Looks like she had another secret e-mail account. Attempting to crack the passsword. Not much luck so far.


----------



## bandit.45

Was your marriage prior to her affair a good one?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3putt

Doc Proditus said:


> BTW - found another notebook. Looks like she had another secret e-mail account. Attempting to crack the passsword. Not much luck so far.


Try any combination that has his name or something associated with him in it. Maybe even a pet name you uncover during your forensics. WS's are notorious for using these as a password.


----------



## Doc Proditus

bandit.45 said:


> Was your marriage prior to her affair a good one?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It was great until she got pregnant and our son was born. He had a colic for good 3 months and I think at some point she must have had postnatal depression. Also she put a lot of weight on and she hated the scar she had after C-section. For the first 2 years after he was born we did not had a single uninterupted night. Pretty much no sex as neither of use had enough energy.
After quiting our jobs in 2011 thing were much better, we had time for ourselves, traveled. We both lost a lot of weight and started enjoying sex together. And then she started the affair.


----------



## bandit.45

Well that just sucks.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Well sh*t. Just got a message from POSOM's wife. Instead of a meeting she wrote: "I do not want you to contact me in any way again, I understand there have been a lot of issues, but don't want any part in it anymore."
Looks like they are really through. Oh well. With this avenue closed it's time to striek from diffrent direction.
My STBXW will be coming over for her passport. I said that if she won't bring my laptop I won't give it back. I will either insist that she'll take some of the binbags with her clothes/shoes so she'll have to return to her love nest and in the meantime I'll put All In One Keyloger (Anyone have used it?) on the laptop and when she'll be back offer to borrow it to her for the duration of ther stay in Poland. What do you think?


----------



## tom67

It will be interesting when she goes back to work.
Eh focus on screwing up om's life.
Make him regret he ever messed with you.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I fully intend to do just that. It's just a pity the OMW was unresponsive - I've hoped to obtain a lot of information from her. At least I've got her pic with her daughter from her Twitter account - it'll be one of pics I'll upload on POSOM CHV post, stating that he also abandoned his wife and daughter. Just a bit of a personal touch.


----------



## tom67

Doc Proditus said:


> I fully intend to do just that. It's just a pity the OMW was unresponsive - I've hoped to obtain a lot of information from her.


You tried oh well.


----------



## Chaparral

Doc Proditus said:


> I fully intend to do just that. It's just a pity the OMW was unresponsive - I've hoped to obtain a lot of information from her. At least I've got her pic with her daughter from her Twitter account - it'll be one of pics I'll upload on POSOM CHV post, stating that he also abandoned his wife and daughter. Just a bit of a personal touch.


Email her anyway and tell her you just want to ask her a couple of questions. In the email, tell her when the affair started and when did they get a divorce. Also ask her if she knew they were having an affair.


----------



## Chaparral

Doc Proditus said:


> I fully intend to do just that. It's just a pity the OMW was unresponsive - I've hoped to obtain a lot of information from her. At least I've got her pic with her daughter from her Twitter account - it'll be one of pics I'll upload on POSOM CHV post, stating that he also abandoned his wife and daughter. Just a bit of a personal touch.


Its not ok to put her picture on cheaterville, this just victimizes her and her daughter further.


----------



## tom67

Oh and if you feel like it send us all a link of the cv post and he'll get a lot of hits and may make the cheater of the day contest.
Oh we can have fun with this puppy.:FIREdevil::FIREdevil:


----------



## Doc Proditus

Chaparral said:


> Email her anyway and tell her you just want to ask her a couple of questions. In the email, tell her when the affair started and when did they get a divorce. Also ask her if she knew they were having an affair.


This might be not a good idea. Got a second message just a minute ago. "I do not want you to contact me in any way again either by phone, internet or face to face, I will involve the police".



Chaparral said:


> Its not ok to put her picture on cheaterville, this just victimizes her and her daughter further.


Her message changes her placement from innocent & wronged party that I was feeling sorry for to I do not give sh*t about if they'll get hurt along POSOM.
All I wanted from her was 10 minutes of her time and painful truth.


----------



## anchorwatch

OM may have manipulated or threatened OMW to stay away from you. She may hope to reconcile later or she doesn't want her family to be dragged through the mud. She is still innocent in all of this so far and is protecting her own interest.


----------



## bandit.45

Doc Proditus said:


> This might be not a good idea. Got a second message just a minute ago. "I do not want you to contact me in any way again either by phone, internet or face to face, I will involve the police".
> 
> 
> 
> Her message changes her placement from innocent & wronged party that I was feeling sorry for to I do not give sh*t about if they'll get hurt along POSOM.
> All I wanted from her was 10 minutes of her time and painful truth.


Tell her "that's fine. I don't deal with ostriches. Go bury your head in the sand and have a nice life."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Doc Proditus

She already deleted her twitter account.


----------



## Tobyboy

Hmmm. She's sounds like a wayward herself or she and her husband are in it together!

Hire a PI and get some facts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## manfromlamancha

Or the POSOM has intercepted her email and twitter accounts and he is the one sending these messages ?


----------



## 3putt

manfromlamancha said:


> Or the POSOM has intercepted her email and twitter accounts and he is the one sending these messages ?


It wouldn't be the first time, that's for damned sure. OP, I would keep trying her until you hear the words straight from her mouth.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Ok, an update.
STBXW came over and took all ten trashbags with clothing & shoes and couple boxes of her stuff I wanted to get rid off.
Got my laptop back, GPS & big diamond ring. Gave her passport back. Discussion was civil. She wants rest of her papers back. Wanted to know deadline to move the furniture out. She said I can see my son as often as I want, whenever I want and she does not want anything from me, money etc. We'll see how soon she'll change her tune.
She pretty much confirmed that it was going on for last 3 years, said she wanted to leave 2 years ago, but stayed due to family pressure and was hoping I would pay more attention to her (despite the fact POSOM was already paying attention). She said she was not happy for many years and was relieved that she was caught, and was praying for this day, wanted to tell me long time ago. Also said she did not wanted me involved in the buying of the practice. In other words - lots of bull****, blame shifting and gaslightning.

And last thing - she said that by leaving she's giving me a chance for a happy life. I couldn't agree more.

The rage that's was consuming me seems to have burned out, leaving only emptiness and profound sadness.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Chaparral said:


> Its not ok to put her picture on cheaterville, this just victimizes her and her daughter further.


I agree with Chaparral. She hasn't done anything to you, she's another victim here. Don't victimize her further.

Besides that, she owns the copyright on the picture you plan to use. Cheaterville will yank your post in a heartbeat if they get a copyright complaint.


----------



## Doc Proditus

You're right. Still going to post STBXW and POSOM.


----------



## BashfulB

No remorse from her at all. No tears?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Graywolf2

Doc Proditus said:


> She said I can see my son as often as I want, whenever I want and she does not want anything from me, money etc. She pretty much confirmed that it was going on for last 3 years, said she wanted to leave 2 years ago, but stayed due to family pressure and was hoping I would pay more attention to her (despite the fact POSOM was already paying attention). She said she was not happy for many years and was relieved that she was caught, and was praying for this day, wanted to tell me long time ago. Also said she did not wanted me involved in the buying of the practice. And last thing - she said that by leaving she's giving me a chance for a happy life.


EVERYTHING she said was geared to present herself as a good person. At least as good as she could manage with what she had to work with.



Doc Proditus said:


> In other words - lots of bull****, blame shifting and gaslightning.


:iagree:


----------



## Chaparral

Doc Proditus said:


> This might be not a good idea. Got a second message just a minute ago. "I do not want you to contact me in any way again either by phone, internet or face to face, I will involve the police".
> 
> 
> 
> Her message changes her placement from innocent & wronged party that I was feeling sorry for to I do not give sh*t about if they'll get hurt along POSOM.
> All I wanted from her was 10 minutes of her time and painful truth.


This is very strange, my gut tells me her husband may be sending you these messages. My advise would be to call her and at least ask her those questions. At least ask your attorney to call her and ask to see if she actually is divorced and sent you the messages. Her reaction is totally weird. You only had a brief convo with her, right?


----------



## Tobyboy

Chaparral said:


> This is very strange, my gut tells me her husband may be sending you these messages. My advise would be to call her and at least ask her those questions. At least ask your attorney to call her and ask to see if she actually is divorced and sent you the messages. Her reaction is totally weird. You only had a brief convo with her, right?


I agree. Very weird!! Could the POSOM and his wife be scamming your WW? That's why I would hire a PI to find out the truth!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Doc Proditus

BashfulBull said:


> No remorse from her at all. No tears?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not a single one.

Told STBXW that I have met POSOM wife and daughter and she said that she does not want to hear about them.

I've had maybe 3 minutes talk with OMW and she seemed receptive, she even took my phone number.

If STBXW will get scammed - she deserves to loose everything. If everyday life with me was not good enough, not exciting enough, not romantic enough... well... choices have consequences....


----------



## 3putt

Doc Proditus said:


> Not a single one.
> 
> Told STBXW that I have met POSOM wife and daughter and she said that she does not want to hear about them.
> 
> *I've had maybe 3 minutes talk with OMW and she seemed receptive, she even took my phone number.*
> 
> If STBXW will get scammed - she deserves to loose everything.


How and when did this happen? I thought *she* didn't want to talk to you?


----------



## Doc Proditus

3putt said:


> How and when did this happen? I thought *she* didn't want to talk to you?


Met OMW and their daughter when shopping 2 days ago.


----------



## BashfulB

Try calling the OMW. Don't text or email. I think it's the OM sending you those messages.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3putt

Doc Proditus said:


> Met OMW and their daughter when shopping 2 days ago.


I thought you might have meant this afternoon. Keep trying to get in touch with her as we're all quite sure it wasn't her, but him that sent that message.

Verify.


----------



## Oldfaithful

If POSOM is divorced why would your stbx not want to hear about her? I think something is up. 
Some states have all their court cases online. If they do then all the divorces are online and searchable by name.


----------



## Doc Proditus

We live in UK. And I'll let my lawyer find out truth about OMW.


----------



## BashfulB

Go through your lawyer on everything. This POSOM sounds dangerous. 

I think your WW thinks she is getting off easy. Don't make it too easy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## walkonmars

Doc Proditus said:


> You're right. Still going to post STBXW and POSOM.


Are you prepared to withstand the sh!tstorm she'll rain down on you if/when she discovers the post? 

Be prepared to hear/read threats to do all sorts of things if you don't delete the post. In the last few weeks two posters were cowed into removing their cheaterville posts because of threats and browbeating by both the OM and the WW. 

Threats include fisticuffs; retaliatory internet posts; and maybe a contentious divorce. 

Be sure you post only facts that can be substantiated and I agree about leaving out the OMW picture from the post and just mention that the POSOM deserted his own family including a child.


----------



## warlock07

Doc Proditus said:


> Ok, an update.
> STBXW came over and took all ten trashbags with clothing & shoes and couple boxes of her stuff I wanted to get rid off.
> Got my laptop back, GPS & big diamond ring. Gave her passport back. Discussion was civil. She wants rest of her papers back. Wanted to know deadline to move the furniture out. She said I can see my son as often as I want, whenever I want and she does not want anything from me, money etc. We'll see how soon she'll change her tune.
> She pretty much confirmed that it was going on for last 3 years, said she wanted to leave 2 years ago, but stayed due to family pressure and was hoping I would pay more attention to her (despite the fact POSOM was already paying attention). She said she was not happy for many years and was relieved that she was caught, and was praying for this day, wanted to tell me long time ago. Also said she did not wanted me involved in the buying of the practice. In other words - lots of bull****, blame shifting and gaslightning.
> 
> And last thing - she said that by leaving she's giving me a chance for a happy life. I couldn't agree more.
> 
> The rage that's was consuming me seems to have burned out, leaving only emptiness and profound sadness.


Why f#cking waste 2 years of your life???


----------



## Doc Proditus

She said she hoped that I'd change.


----------



## warlock07

While ****ing another guy ??? 

Change to what ? An accepting cuckold ?

Not sure how you are holding back on the anger for the OM either. being a former friend and to continue it after getting caught!!


----------



## Chaparral

Doc Proditus said:


> She said she hoped that I'd change.


I assumed you didn't take those lines out of the cheater script seriously.

So far, nothing you have said about your wife makes her anyone a good man would want to be with.:scratchhead:


----------



## Doc Proditus

I am proceeding with the plan. I've got rid of all her clothes & shoes etc. I have recovered all the thing she took ... well, except last 3 years of my life and ability to trust anyone....

I have arranged for all furniture that she purchased to be removed within next fortnight. I'm looking for new apartment/house in the area I would like to move into (sadly better looking places are much to expensive for my taste atm and those with reasonable prices appear below my standart) and I do hope to find nice place soon and move withing next 60 days (before the end of June) and so that I can take 2 weeks off in July and spend some time in my home in Poland.

I have hired a divorce lawyers and gave them all the facts, computer records, copies of texts from STBXW phone, copies of love letters - all the evidence gathered so far. They will handle the legal aspects for me while I concentrate on putting my life back together and trying to remain in my son's life.

I've started lifting weights and cooking for myself. Even went to get a new haircut which I'd say took 5 years away.

I am closing this chapter of my life. I will never forgive and never forget. I will keep an eye on them from afar - and when opportunity will present itself I will taste the dish that is best served cold. In her case I will need to wait until my son would be old enough to manage on his own. But I belive that it is my duty to make sure that betrayers shall receive what is their due.


----------



## warlock07

Why not sell the furniture?


----------



## happyman64

Doc Proditus said:


> Not a single one.
> 
> Told STBXW that I have met POSOM wife and daughter and she said that she does not want to hear about them.
> 
> I've had maybe 3 minutes talk with OMW and she seemed receptive, she even took my phone number.
> 
> If STBXW will get scammed - she deserves to loose everything. If everyday life with me was not good enough, not exciting enough, not romantic enough... well... choices have consequences....


Doc
How could your marriage be good, exciting or romantic enough?

She has not been active in the marriage for 2-3 years.

You my friend never had a chance.

Realize that.

And realize that everything she spouted off to you civilly is all BS from her cheater mind.

I will repeat the best revenge is to live a great life without her in it. I think her family has known for a while....

HM


----------



## WhiteRaven

Doc Proditus said:


> I will never forgive and never forget. I will keep an eye on them from afar - and when opportunity will present itself I will taste the dish that is best served cold. In her case I will need to wait until my son would be old enough to manage on his own. * But I belive that it is my duty to make sure that betrayers shall receive what is their due.*


And it is. 

The best revenge right now is to get over your WW and find someone else as soon as you can. Later on, set the OM up with a slvt. That will let your WW know how does it feel to be betrayed.


----------



## warlock07

When he moves on and is happy( with someone else or not), his ex won't even matter. Even thinking of revenge would be a waste of time.

Doc, you know the 180, right ?

Start filling up your free time with new hobbies.


----------



## Doc Proditus

warlock07 said:


> Why not sell the furniture?


Part of it belongs to my son. I'm not going to sell his bed 



happyman64 said:


> Doc
> 
> And realize that everything she spouted off to you civilly is all BS from her cheater mind.
> 
> HM


I know that - she always had a quite selective memory and tendency for rewriting history to suit her needs.

As for hobbies I've got a list made:

take an exam for british citizenship, I've been a resident in UK for over 7 years

loose weight & get fit

go out and meet new people, make friends, start building my network

continue my proffesional developement & become a specialist

hopefully ditch corporate practice and get into independent one

be the best father I can be for my son even if it will be only 1 day per week

These are the plans for next 3 years.


----------



## bandit.45

Doc Proditus said:


> She said she hoped that I'd change.


Yeah.... cheaters always say that. Its all about blaming you. God forbid that she had taken some of the responsibility for her unhappiness. Instead she took the coward's way out and stepped out behind your back. 

Its the same old script Doc. We've seen it here hundreds of times before and it never changes. Nothing special about your WW. She's a run-of-the-mill cheater, and she will reap what she sows one day. 

Your WW will never be happy, because she runs away from problems instead of facing them, head-on, like an adult.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Very true. I've asked her what she's going to tell to our son when she brings him back. How she can explain to a 6 year old - where is his house, his room, his toys... his father.
She said she has not though about it yet.

It will be a shock for the little guy.


----------



## bandit.45

Doc Proditus said:


> Very true. I've asked her what she's going to tell to our son when she brings him back. How she can explain to a 6 year old - where is his house, his room, his toys... his father.
> She said she has not though about it yet.
> 
> It will be a shock for the little guy.


Its the kids who always suffer the most.


----------



## carpenoctem

Doc Proditus said:


> Ok, an update.
> STBXW came over and took all ten trashbags with clothing & shoes and couple boxes of her stuff I wanted to get rid off.
> Got my laptop back, GPS & big diamond ring. Gave her passport back. Discussion was civil. She wants rest of her papers back. Wanted to know deadline to move the furniture out.* She said I can see my son as often as I want, whenever I want and she does not want anything from me, money etc. *We'll see how soon she'll change her tune.
> *She pretty much confirmed that it was going on for last 3 years, said she wanted to leave 2 years ago, but stayed due to family pressure* and was hoping I would pay more attention to her (despite the fact POSOM was already paying attention).* She said she was not happy for many years and was relieved that she was caught, and was praying for this day, wanted to tell me long time ago.* Also said she did not wanted me involved in the buying of the practice. In other words - lots of bull****, blame shifting and gaslightning.
> 
> And last thing - *she said that by leaving she's giving me a chance for a happy life.* I couldn't agree more.
> 
> The rage that's was consuming me seems to have burned out, leaving only emptiness and profound sadness.




*Proditus:

Your wife thanks you for precipitating issues, and for virtually making up her mind for her.

She even tells you that she is leaving so that you will be happier.

This is not an exit affair that is happening in the present. She seems to have exited the marriage years ago (she has told you as much), while just continuing her physical presence in the family.

You are just now reading it last chapters of a book which she presumably has finished and closed some time ago.*



She says she will give you a non-acrimonious and financially un-burdensome divorce, with liberal child custody, etc.

In return, she obviously / probably expects you to not put her in the moral dock, make her wear the scarlet letter, or overtly humiliate her in front of everyone.

You may not believe she will keep all her promises vis a vis the divorce, but *sometimes, when you thrust a certain nobility on someone, they feel compelled to live up to it.*

Why not act as though you believe everything she promises to do (while taking legal precautions), even thank her for it, and see whether she keeps up her end of the bargain, while you keep yours, so that you do get a liberal divorce settlement, and can start a new life with minimal damages?

*What is the use of proving a point to someone who no longer really cares?*

(I am referring to your wife. The OM deserves some real payback for that ‘3-years’ snigger, if not for everything else. Perhaps you can think about it after the divorce).

Even if you want to prove some points to your wife, is it not a good idea to keep it in abeyance until after the divorce, if there is a chance of a minimally troublesome / favourable divorce?

(Of course, there is the question whether her lawyer will let a favourable divorce happen, or vitiate the deal).




I could not go through your thread very thoroughly, Proditus. So, if there are any anachronistic / anomalous observations in my post, please overlook them.


----------



## happyman64

Doc Proditus said:


> Very true. I've asked her what she's going to tell to our son when she brings him back. How she can explain to a 6 year old - where is his house, his room, his toys... his father.
> She said she has not though about it yet.
> 
> It will be a shock for the little guy.


That only goes to show you how selfish she is.

She has been cheating on your for a few years, planning for the day she could leave you but does not think about what she is going to tell your son.

She is more than selfish. She is an idiot. 

Totally following the script.


----------



## Dyokemm

"Very true. I've asked her what she's going to tell to our son when she brings him back. How she can explain to a 6 year old - where is his house, his room, his toys... his father.
She said she has not though about it yet.

It will be a shock for the little guy."

This is the one aspect of cheating that would make me hate a WW. forever.

Even if I eventually became completely indifferent towards the cheater for what she had done to me (as I eventually did with my cheating LT gf), I would never forgive her for doing this to our kids.

I despise people who ruin their kids lives.

It always reminds me of my dad's mom, who ran off with a POSOM when my dad was 2 and his brothers were 3 and 1. Their entire childhood was ruined because of her f***ing selfishness.


----------



## Chaparral

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah.... cheaters always say that. Its all about blaming you. God forbid that she had taken some of the responsibility for her unhappiness. Instead she took the coward's way out and stepped out behind your back.
> 
> Its the same old script Doc. We've seen it here hundreds of times before and it never changes. Nothing special about your WW. She's a run-of-the-mill cheater, and she will reap what she sows one day.
> 
> Your WW will never be happy, because she runs away from problems instead of facing them, head-on, like an adult.


I've mostly known reatively happy cheaters. They were immoral, amoral, sociopathic. They loved being married and wanted to appear to be family oriented to everyone but their close friends.

They just didn't see anything wrong while getting some on the side.

Doc's wife didn't plan on this no matter what she says. Messing with the plumber was just her inner **** acting out in my view. From what has been written, I can't believe she will settle for Posom. She might cheat with him again after she finds a new man.

Remember how condesending she is with nurses?


----------



## Chaparral

Why do you expect to see so little of your son? Why woulgnt you go for joint custody.

Once a week visitation? He will soon be looking at some other man as daddy. This has me totally puzzled.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I'll be moving away soon to different town. Working full time + commuting will only leave me enough time to see him during weekends.


----------



## lovelygirl

Chaparral said:


> She might cheat with him again after she finds a new man.
> 
> Remember how condesending she is with nurses?


Or the POSOM might cheat ON her so she gets to have a taste of her own medicine!

That's when she'll realize the amount of hurt she caused to her family.


----------



## bandit.45

They never truly learn. And even if she did learn, her pride would never allow her to tell Doc she was wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Affaircare

Doc Proditus said:


> I'll be moving away soon to different town. Working full time + commuting will only leave me enough time to see him during weekends.



Doc, 

I have a question for you that is rhetorical. If you and your wife are no longer together, then at some point in some way SHE is going to have to also work, and if she wants any kind of decent lifestyle it will probably be as close to full time as she can get. So she'll be working and commuting too. 

And we know that lots of single moms across the world have their kids' dads leave them and somehow they manage to raise their kids whilst also working full time and commuting. 

So what I want to ask you is this: If you are the parent that is moral and stable, and if both parents will likely be working full time and commuting (thus necessitating some sort of sitter or nanny), why would you consider giving up your son to someone who is going to teach him that cheating is okay if you were "unhappy"? 

Again, I'm not asking for an answer here. I'm asking you to THINK about your view. Just because you'll be working does not necessarily mean you can't be the custodial parent. I personally encourage you to require AT LEAST 50/50 custody of your son. You can wake him up in the morning, feed him breakfast, get him is backpack and homework, get him to school and get to work...and then pick him up after work, make "man dinner" for the two of you, do homework with him, and give him his bath and put him to bed JUST AS WELL AS SHE CAN! Why are you giving up your time with him? I don't get it.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Thank you for your question. 
I will ask for 50/50 custody. How this will work out - I have no idea. I will be speaking to my lawyer end of this week or beginning of next one so I should know more how things work here in UK. I am not sure whether the fact that neither of us are british citizens will have any influence on the whole procedure.
I try to numb my mind watching movies, catching up on TV series, reading books.... anything that prevents my mind from wandering.
Another thing I'm now dealing with is sinus infection which kept me in bed for the last 3 days - but focusing on pain allows distraction as well.
I have lost 4 kg (8 pounds) in last 12 days.


----------



## Chaparral

You or your son will never get over it if you give him up without a fight. I can't imagine him growing up calling the plumber dad.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I'm awaiting my son's return to UK either this Friday or Saturday.

I intend to get DNA sample when STBXW will bring him into the house. Just in case.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Update - STBXW came back to UK yesterday with our son. They came back very late at night and she took him to her new place.
I wanted to pick him up from school on Friday as usuall (working only half a day of Fridays) but she says she has a day off and she'll pick him up herself. Came over to my place today to pick up the hamster (my son's pet). Asked her what did she told our son - she said: "I've told him nothing, only that we are moving into new house" I asked if he was asking about me aand she replied "No".
She wants to move rest of her stuff on Sunday and asked if she could come over with POSOM to get her things while I would take our son to cinema. Told her: "No fu**ing way I'm letting you into this house without me beeing around. And you better hire some moving company becouse I'd rather burn your things before I'll let him into my house"


----------



## WhiteRaven

Doc Proditus said:


> Update - STBXW came back to UK yesterday with our son. They came back very late at night and she took him to her new place.
> I wanted to pick him up from school on Friday as usuall (working only half a day of Fridays) but she says she has a day off and she'll pick him up herself. Came over to my place today to pick up the hamster (my son's pet). Asked her what did she told our son - she said: "I've told him nothing, only that we are moving into new house" I asked if he was asking about me aand she replied "No".
> She wants to move rest of her stuff on Sunday and asked if she could come over with POSOM to get her things while I would take our son to cinema. Told her: "No fu**ing way I'm letting you into this house without me beeing around. And you better hire some moving company becouse I'd rather burn your things before I'll let him into my house"


Document everything. When your boy is old enough let him know how his mom broke his family.


----------



## bandit.45

She's got some fvcking gall. 

Are all Polish women that brazen?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Affaircare

Doc Proditus said:


> Update - STBXW came back to UK yesterday with our son. They came back very late at night and she took him to her new place.
> I wanted to pick him up from school on Friday as usuall (working only half a day of Fridays) but she says she has a day off and she'll pick him up herself.


May I politely point out something to ya here, Doc? You are ASKING your cheating wife what you can and can not do with YOUR SON. It's not like he is "her" possession--you have just as much right to him as she does, and from a moral standpoint, more right to him! 

So I suggest that you stop "asking" her if you can pick him up Friday as usual, and TELL HER that you intend to pick him up at 3pm on such and such date and continue the previously established pattern. She is not in control of when you do and do not see YOUR CHILD. 

Now I get it that this is the first time you'll see him in a while and you may be cool with seeing him Saturday. That's not my point here. My point is: STOP ASKING HER--start telling her your schedule and if she doesn't like it, she can be stuffed!


----------



## carpenoctem

Doc Proditus said:


> Update - STBXW came back to UK yesterday with our son. They came back very late at night and she took him to her new place.
> I wanted to pick him up from school on Friday as usuall (working only half a day of Fridays) but she says she has a day off and she'll pick him up herself. Came over to my place today to pick up the hamster (my son's pet). Asked her what did she told our son - she said: "I've told him nothing, only that we are moving into new house" I asked if he was asking about me aand she replied "No".
> *She wants to move rest of her stuff on Sunday and asked if she could come over with POSOM to get her things while I would take our son to cinema. Told her: "No fu**ing way I'm letting you into this house without me beeing around. And you better hire some moving company becouse I'd rather burn your things before I'll let him into my house"*



*This was out of the blue for you, but she probably must have envisaged / enacted this scenario in her mind many times,* for some time now (since it has all the makings of an exit affair). Hence the ice-in-the-gut approach and sang froid.

*Or did she always have an ectothermic streak?

Good you stood your ground. Otherwise, who knows, she might even have asked you to lend him your overalls* while moving things.


----------



## BobSimmons

I'm curious why it is you're asking her what she told your son? What does your child think is going on when they get back to the UK and go to a house where another man is?

Well done for standing your ground on the moving front, even though I'd just pack everything and lay it outside for her to collect because sooner or later that's a bridge you're going to have to cross.

Agree with above. Your son, you do not ask. Her life still appears to be at your convenience or to her schedule. Don't stand for it.


----------



## Doc Proditus

There is some rather large furniture involved - there is no way one person would be able to move it.
I'm also meeting with my lawyer next week for a long chat.


----------



## warlock07

Some infidelity stories are just brutal on how the WS goes about the whole thing. This is one of them. 

The cold Eastern European women stereotype is perfectly fitting the Doc's WS.


----------



## CASE_Sensitive

Have you considered hiring a PI to dig up any dirt on POSOM? Anything that could potentially bar him from being exposed to your son?


----------



## manfromlamancha

Doc, I hope you have changed your locks on the door.

Also as others are telling you, do not ask her about your son. Just go and get him when you want until you guys work out a custody schedule. Also work on forbidding her to have POSOM around anywhere near your son - in that case the more she has him the less she sees of POSOM. Ask your solicitor about this. Point out that he is flaky, and capable of all kinds of things.

As for your stbxw, where is the CV post ? Are you working on it ? Have you exposed to her colleagues at work to embarrass her ?


----------



## Doc Proditus

Working on CHV - I was quite unwell last couple of days and things got delayed.
As for work exposure I've asked my colleague to pass on the good news.
Just got a text from her she'll be coming for her jewelery and documents tomorrow and if I won't give them back she'll call the cops and accuse me of theft. I feel sorely tempted to give back her papers after putting them through shredder or write "wh*re" on each one with sharpie.


----------



## bandit.45

Affaircare said:


> May I politely point out something to ya here, Doc? You are ASKING your cheating wife what you can and can not do with YOUR SON. It's not like he is "her" possession--you have just as much right to him as she does, and from a moral standpoint, more right to him!
> 
> So I suggest that you stop "asking" her if you can pick him up Friday as usual, and TELL HER that you intend to pick him up at 3pm on such and such date and continue the previously established pattern. She is not in control of when you do and do not see YOUR CHILD.
> 
> Now I get it that this is the first time you'll see him in a while and you may be cool with seeing him Saturday. That's not my point here. My point is: STOP ASKING HER--start telling her your schedule and if she doesn't like it, she can be stuffed!


I agree with you Affaircare... all things being equal that's the way it should be.

But remember that Doc lives in Great Britain, where fathers essentially have no parental rights whatsoever. His WW could take him to court and clean his clock when it comes to custody, and he can do very little about it unless he has a really, really good solicitor.


----------



## bandit.45

Doc Proditus said:


> Working on CHV - I was quite unwell last couple of days and things got delayed.
> As for work exposure I've asked my colleague to pass on the good news.
> Just got a text from her she'll be coming for her jewelery and documents tomorrow and if I won't give them back she'll call the cops and accuse me of theft. I feel sorely tempted to give back her papers after putting them through shredder or write "wh*re" on each one with sharpie.


Be businesslike and cordial. Give her what she wants. 

Remember, she's going to look for any excuse to screw you in court, especially when it comes to child custody.... and in GB the moms have the advantage to start with.


----------



## Affaircare

Doc Proditus said:


> Working on CHV - I was quite unwell last couple of days and things got delayed.
> As for work exposure I've asked my colleague to pass on the good news.
> Just got a text from her she'll be coming for her jewelery and documents tomorrow and if I won't give them back she'll call the cops and accuse me of theft. I feel sorely tempted to give back her papers after putting them through shredder or write "wh*re" on each one with sharpie.


You realize she can threaten you with anything she wants, but in reality if her items are in the home she lived in for X years and she has only just recently moved out, no cop in the world is going to actually follow up on a "theft" charge because the two of you can't agree when to meet to exchange the items. 

She just can NOT command when you will and will not do things She can't -- and it's bugging her. 

If you shred her papers or deface them with a derogatory word she may have some legal recourse against you, so I'd suggest telling her tomorrow is not good for you and that you will be communicating with her in writing when and where she can go to pick up her items in the next couple days. 

Then WRITE to her (in a way you can print out and save) that you are leaving her papers and jewelry in the safe possession of YOUR ATTORNEY and that if she wants them, she can go to the attorney's office. Then give her the address and the date you will have them at the attorney's office (and tell her to go stuff herself). 

:lol:


----------



## happyman64

Doc

Is your WW living with the OM?

Will you see your son this weekend?

HM


----------



## Philat

Doc Proditus said:


> Asked her what did she told our son - she said: "I've told him nothing, only that we are moving into new house"* I asked if he was asking about me aand she replied "No".*


I would definitely not believe this, panie doktorze.


----------



## BobSimmons

Tell her to come and pick up her stuff, OM or not. Just pack up all her sh*t, get a couple of friends over for some beer and barbeque, move the furniture outside and tell her to come and collect it that day.

You can tell her to bring OM with her if she wants. You'll have a couple of good old boys for back up and support, just to make the two of them feel very uncomfortable. You save face and come out on top, OM is put in his place.

She never has to come back to that place ever again. The place is all yours.


----------



## MRABoysHaveSmallPeanut

warlock07 said:


> The cold Eastern European women stereotype is perfectly fitting the Doc's WS.


I don't know about that stereotype but Poland is in Central Europe. 

Doc do you know Walter White and Carrie?


----------



## manfromlamancha

How are you doing Doc ? Access to your son OK ? CV post ? Take care.


----------



## cool12

checking up on you. it's been a while. hope you are ok.


----------



## manfromlamancha

Just bumping this thread to ask how you are doing?


----------



## Doc Proditus

Thanks guys, a lot has happened in last 2 weeks, will post full update tomorrow.


----------



## Doc Proditus

So here I am again. Time for status update.

I have fired first solicitor and got a second one. This guy seems on the level and has his sh*t togeter - divorce petition signed and sent to STBXW.

I still don't know where she's living - the guys that came to take her furniture away (made her pay for the moving company) told me that they were taking the stuff to nearby town, different to the one she told me she moved into. 

All the furniture belonging to my son, everything she bought and most of the thing we've bought together is gone. I've kept my bed, kitchen table and 4 chairs, TV, and all furniture in my home office/computer room. The only place that needs clearing is the attic - and I've cleared half of it already.

As for my son - I get him once a week - for about 4-5 hours. The lawyer will make sure I'll get more time with him.

My STBXW has already changed her tune - for a month she said she does not want a penny from me - but now she started asking for money for child support. I haven't given her anything yet - I'll talk with my lawyer how I should proceed. Looks like her finances aren't that great.

I was also visited by a PC - for the guys on the other side of the pond - policeman - which told me that POSOM has placed a complain for harassment.
I was a bit surprised as I haven't even started harassing him yet - turns out the company I work for demands money for dental treatment he received
2 years ago. He ignored the letters that they were sending and looks like they'll drag him into court or send bailiffs to collect the money.
He owes £40 - which is trivial sum.

I have explained the whole situation and the policeman told me that frankly his complain is going nowhere, as I appear to be the wronged party. His job requires to be obviously impartial but unofficially he gave me some ideas, also left his contact details in case if POSOM would start bothering me.

My son is torn, he wants to be with me, he wants to be with his mother, poor boy does not understands what has happened and why.

Mentally I'm doing better - I try to keep healthy and work out a bit but after first 2 weeks where I was full of energy now I have weeks when I feel lethargic and I don't even leave the house during weekends. I only go to work, buy groceries every few days and then just sit in the house.
I watched several seasons of my favourite TV series, I read a lot, but I know I'm trying to distract myself from thinking - I know I should be doing something more productive but this is the way I'm dealing with stress and grief for the moment.

I still have not moved out - I'm looking for a new place but it's harder that I expected - decent place in good location costs more that I'm ready to pay and places I've seen so far do not meet my criteria.

As for exposure - I made sure everyone in STBXW workplace knows about the whole thing - both the dentists and the nurses.

Sorry for rather chaotic post but I had a lot to get of my back and not so much time to compose it better.


----------



## happyman64

Wow!

So your WW has your son and you do not even know where they live.

And the OM has filed a harassment petition against you.

WHat pond scum.

I look forward to hearing you get your pound of flesh out of both of them as well as your time with your son ironed out.

Your wife is really messed up.

Then again what cheater isn't messed up.

HM


----------



## Doc Proditus

She also told me that she took the loan for the practice herself. Might be true, might be bullsh*t.
As far as I know the practice we were supposed to buy has not been sold - quite possible that she'll try to buy a place then try to convert it into dental practice - with help from POSOM (as he can do all the construction/plumbing/electric work).
There is no chance she'll be given NHS contract and starting a private dental practice from scratch in current financial climate might be a bad choice. She might have bitten more that she can chew and end up loosing it all.
I was unofficially informed that in her current practice she's running behind with her targets and might receive an official warning if her productivity won't improve.

Not sure if I've mentioned this before - in case I would decided to go back to Poland I have received a job offer from dean of my university - a teaching position in dental department - I would be teaching dentistry to foreign students. I do not consider this as an option as I intend to remain in UK to have contact with my son.


----------



## happyman64

Stand back and observe.

Her decline.

Just get your situation straightened out by officially dumping her.


----------



## BobSimmons

The shock of everything is wearing out and you're settling into routine. 

Don't do that, do something that takes you out the house on weekends so you don't have time brooding about being in an empty house.


----------



## Doc Proditus

happyman64 said:


> Just get your situation straightened out by officially dumping her.




I have filled a Petition for Divorce based on Adultery and Unreasonable behaviour. I don't think it gets any more official than this.


----------



## Chaparral

Force yourself out of the house and to a gym. A coed gym. Lol

Also see your doctor. They see this problem all the time. Other posters have said they could kick themselves in the ass for not going sooner.

Download the mmslp book below and and you will learn/relearn the key to this mess. Biology will not be fooled.


----------



## Chaparral

Doc Proditus said:


> I have filled a Petition for Divorce based on Adultery and Unreasonable behaviour. I don't think it gets any more official than this.


Cheaterville.com has been extended to the UK. Put him on it. That will make you feel better to.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I'm going out to the cinema. Watching a new movie every week. It's a start.
The doctor (GP) is useless. In the 7 years that I've been in UK all I ever got from him were prescription for paracetamol. 
I initially suffered from stress related short term insomnia but I sleep much better now. Managed to get there without using sleeping pills.
Lost about 7 kg so far.
I'll join the gym as soon as I'll change my location.
I've spoken about CHV with the lawyer - he advised to postpone it until after the divorce, especially with the harassment complain from POSOM.
In 5-6 months I'll be a free man again!!!


----------



## Chaparral

Lawyers don't know anything about being men in my experience. Check out the
UK postings. Every poster here that talks to a lawyer gets terrible advice about dealing with the personal side of this type of mess. They're gutless.

In the US, you can't get in trouble with anyone if you tell the truth on the posting or what you believe to be the truth. Just do not exagerate or embellish. Right now they have destroyed your family, taken your son and humiliated you.

To be honest, your wife sees him as the manly man and you as the poor guy he pushes around.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Time for another update.

As of today, every single thing that belonged to my STBXW is now gone from my place. 

My solicitor send her the official letter to her workplace on 23rd last month but she kept saying that she has not received anything so I've printed a copy myself and given to her this morning when she came to bring our son. The official Divorce Petition has been filled and sent to court and will be served to my STBXW hopefully soon.

My relationship with my son has never been better. I only get him once a week but this will soon improve. He keeps telling me how much he loves me and how much he misses me.

I've calculated the child support I'll be paying to my STBXW - about £508 or 850 $ monthly - not a problem and I'll be able to put additional money into Child Trust Fund.

I have received unexpected support from both STBXW sisters. Although I keep them at the arms length for obvious reasons the contact with them allows me a view of what's happening in the "enemy camp" 

The younger sister came over for a week - she had several quarrels with POSOM, he tried to insist that they'll both (STBXW + SIL) speak only english in the house and if SIL won't she should leave the house. Let's just say this didn't go down well. 
SIL told me that my son misses me and asks my STBXW every day if she can bring him over. She says she did not liked POSOM at all, thinks he is a trickster/liar. Told me she tried to tell this to my STBXW but she seems completely charmed with POSOM, like horse wearing blinders. I was also told he won't be allowed into their parent's home in Poland and MIL hates him already.

I keep loosing weight which is very good, do bit of weights and try to cook and eat healthy.

From what I've been told looks like there is more and more cracks in POSOM's and STBXW relationship - they quarrel almost daily. Despite the fact that she keeps paying for the house they live in, all the bills and shopping and driving the POSOM to work every day, he barely brings home any money - he behaves like the main breadwinner.

It's like watching a building collapse in slow motion. All I can say now....


----------



## happyman64

I like your sisters and MIL already.

Tell them to give her hell!

Focus on you, your boy and the divorce.

Your wife needs to learn a lesson and it looks like it has already begun.

The Dark Side is powerful DOC. 

Keep getting stronger and take your frustration out on those weights.

Use the Force.... 

HM


----------



## cool12

thanks for the update.
happy to hear you'll soon be getting more time with your son. he really need you. 

take care.


----------



## 3putt

It's always been said that the quickest way to end an affair (besides exposure) is to have the APs forced to spend all their time together prematurely and have all their needs met only by each other.

It's been proven true before, and it would seem that it's happening again.

And kudos to your inlaws as well. It's seldom you get the kind of support you're getting now.

Hang in there Doc!


----------



## Mike11

Karma is a biotch, it is just a matter of time until he will either beat her or steal from her, he sound like a "great catch" let her stew and eat the stinky clam chowder she cooked her self for a bit, I bet she would not like it


----------



## TRy

Doc Proditus said:


> I still don't know where she's living - the guys that came to take her furniture away (made her pay for the moving company) told me that they were taking the stuff to nearby town, different to the one she told me she moved into.


 You have a legal right to know where your son lives. You need to get your solicitor to immediately have the courts get this information. Also, you can ask the courts to issue an order that your wife's affair partner not live with or stay over with your wife while your son is there. Courts in the US usually will grant such an order for the good of the child, so they may do the same thing where you live. Do this now, as the longer that you wait to make the demand, the less likely the courts will grant the motion.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Another update.

My wife just came over and said she does not want divorce. She says that she has realized that POSOM is a psycho and wants out. She says she's willing to try and save our marriage.

(In the Smaug's voice) WELL...

Told her it's to late. Got her to admit to when she has started sleeping with POSOM - about 2.5 years ago - just as I started working away from home. Just as I suspected.

She said that guy's totally jealous and controlling and won't let her go now. (This made me smile).

She's most likely aborting the purchase of the practice and she'll have to pay penalties.

She's thinking now about escaping back to Poland, to her parents; leaving all her belongings behind. She'll have to wait until our son finishes his school term (2nd half of July).

And here I sit now, chuckling as I write this.... I've expected this exact conversation in about a year and not now.

I'll add more details later, it's a pity that my VAR was not on as the batteries were dead.... I'd keep this conversation forever.

I've told her that we'll talk tomorrow and discuss things. I'll have VAR ready this time.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Doc Proditus said:


> Another update.
> My wife just came over and said she does not want divorce. She says that she has realized that POSOM is a psycho and wants out. She says she's willing to try and save our marriage.
> 
> (In the Smaug's voice) WELL...
> 
> Told her it's to late. Got her to admit to when she has started sleeping with POSOM - about 2.5 years ago - just as I started working away from home. Just as I suspected.
> 
> She said that guy's totally jealous and controlling and won't let her go now. (This made me smile).
> 
> She's most likely aborting the purchase of the practice and she'll have to pay penalties.
> 
> *She's thinking now about escaping back to Poland, to her parents; leaving all her belongings behind. She'll have to wait until our son finishes his school term (2nd half of July).
> *
> And here I sit now, chuckling as I write this....
> 
> I'll add more details later, it's a pity that my VAR was not on as the batteries were dead.... I'd keep this conversation forever.
> 
> I've told her that we'll talk tomorrow, and I'll have VAR ready.


Talk to your solicitor and make sure she can't take him out of the country with out your permission. Then don't give it to her. Make her stay and eat the sh!t sandwich she made for you or leave your son with you.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I've spoken with my solicitor about this as I hired him to represent me in the divorce. As far as I understand what he told me - we're both Polish and our son also has polish citizenship. British courts have no jurisdiction and she can take him, hop on the plane and be gone just like that.
The only way to keep my son in UK is to help her to get a restraining order against POSOM and get him out of her house.
I don't really want to help her in any way but if this will let me keep in touch with my son.... feel trapped between rock and hard place here.


----------



## GusPolinski

doc proditus said:


> another update.
> 
> My wife just came over and said she does not want divorce. She says that she has realized that posom is a psycho and wants out. She says she's willing to try and save our marriage.
> 
> (in the smaug's voice) well...
> 
> Told her it's to late. Got her to admit to when she has started sleeping with posom - about 2.5 years ago - just as i started working away from home. Just as i suspected.
> 
> She said that guy's totally jealous and controlling and won't let her go now. (this made me smile).
> 
> She's most likely aborting the purchase of the practice and she'll have to pay penalties.
> 
> She's thinking now about escaping back to poland, to her parents; leaving all her belongings behind. She'll have to wait until our son finishes his school term (2nd half of july).
> 
> And here i sit now, chuckling as i write this.... I've expected this exact conversation in about a year and not now.
> 
> I'll add more details later, it's a pity that my var was not on as the batteries were dead.... I'd keep this conversation forever.
> 
> I've told her that we'll talk tomorrow and discuss things. I'll have var ready this time.


Boom!


----------



## Noble1

Sounds like a good update overall.

Hope it works out for you and your son however way you want it.

Can't say I'm at all sorry for your STBXW. 


Good luck.


----------



## GusPolinski

Doc Proditus said:


> I've spoken with my solicitor about this as I hired him to represent me in the divorce. As far as I understand what he told me - we're both Polish and our son also has polish citizenship. British courts have no jurisdiction and she can take him, hop on the plane and be gone just like that.
> The only way to keep my son in UK is to help her to get a restraining order against POSOM and get him out of her house.
> I don't really want to help her in any way but if this will let me keep in touch with my son.... feel trapped between rock and hard place here.


IMO do what you need to do in order to ensure that she doesn't take off w/ your son.

ETA: Holy [email protected]#$ my typing sucks today...


----------



## Doc Proditus

I know her well enough. She has just now realized how deep she's stuck in the sh*t and entering flight mode.

All this has sort of disturbed my exit strategy from marriage and for keeping close to my son. I could use some advice here.


----------



## happyman64

You know Doc I am not surprised.

I understand where you thought it would happen a year later but from what you told us I thought she has been involved with him for about two years.

Their f'd up relationship has already run its course.....

I'm sure the little voice in your head is telling you that she can never be trusted.

And you are probably right.

Watch her. Watch her actions. The affair fog is clearing for her.

Let's see if she truly ends the affair.
Let's see if she handles her business affairs amicably and faces the music above board with the business owner.
Let's see if she runs to Poland with your son and screws you over or not.

Good Luck tomorrow and buy a new set of batteries with a spare set.

You are going to need them.

Any chance your son can stay with you and away from her mess????

HM


----------



## Doc Proditus

She had our son with her when she came over. He wanted to stay with me. He was running away from her and hiding behind my back!
She shouted that he can stay her with me then took off in her car, then came back 5 minutes later.
She promised him that he can come to my place and stay over for weekend.
Things are unravelling for her ... faster and faster...


----------



## happyman64

Boy she made a huge mess out of everyone's lives.

Get the VAR operational.

Get the kid under your roof.

You just might have to help her resolve some of her issues just to keep a relationship with your son......

I know you don't want to but would you be willing to???

HM


----------



## GTdad

1) Any way of laying your hands on your son's passport?

2) Any way of pursuing a restraining order or similar court order through the Polish courts?


----------



## Tobyboy

You need a second opinion...from a different solicitor!!!


----------



## Ripper

Agreed.

There has to be something you can do to keep your son from being taken to a different country without your permission. Even if it is your home country.


----------



## LongWalk

HM is wise. Now is the time to be cool headed.

You wish to utter harsh words, describing what sort woman she is. Perhaps you should leave all commentary aside. Let her examine herself. What goes unsaid may sting more deeply.

Getting her to act in the best interests of your son is paramount. By rising above her now you may as HM suggest steer your broken family to relative safety.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## tom67

happyman64 said:


> Boy she made a huge mess out of everyone's lives.
> 
> Get the VAR operational.
> 
> Get the kid under your roof.
> 
> You just might have to help her resolve some of her issues just to keep a relationship with your son......
> 
> I know you don't want to but would you be willing to???
> 
> HM


HM I hear you but 2.5 years screwing om?
That's a tough one but I understand she is going to make the kid as nuts as her.
SIGH!


----------



## Doc Proditus

GTdad said:


> 1) Any way of laying your hands on your son's passport?
> 
> 2) Any way of pursuing a restraining order or similar court order through the Polish courts?


No chance for getting the passport. 
Getting the court order in Polish court could take over a year without guarantee of success.


----------



## BobSimmons

Doc Proditus said:


> I know her well enough. She has just now realized how deep she's stuck in the sh*t and entering flight mode.
> 
> All this has sort of disturbed my exit strategy from marriage and for keeping close to my son. I could use some advice here.


I'm conflicted, revenge is a dish served cold. Your first duty is to your boy so in essence you have to help her out. But I'd kill any noise she makes about reconciliation. It shows how highly she thought of you to dump on you in the extreme and when sh*t started to get real with OM she runs back to you to reconcile.

It's not really reconciliation is it, she banged him behind your back, up and left, keep banging him, now she wants you to save her sorry tail.

Tell her she can leave the boy with you, then she can do whatever the heck she wants to do..run away to Jamaica for all you care.


----------



## TheBaxter

Doc, I think she wants you to bail her out monetarily. I think this is about money. She surely doesn't love you, so why not just bail out and run back to Poland on the first flight she can get? Because she is still scheming. She thinks she can pull the plane out of the nosedive, with your money.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Doc Proditus

I don't think it's about money. I'm not giving a single penny. She's still got her 50k in the bank, she hasn't taken the loan yet.

I need to regain the clarity of thought and purpose. A Zen like state of mind - a cross between Darth Sidious and Frank Underwood.


----------



## Mike11

Doc do what you need to do to keep your Son,
Your wife is not a priority for you at this moment, you have to understand that she is coming to you as a fall back plan B, 
But if you need to help her get a restraining order against posom then do it for your Son, not for her, let her simmer in her failing cheating relationship 1 - 2 years I think is the exact time period that is typical for these fairyland relationship to come to an end 

Do what you need to do to protect your Son, deal with her later you do not have to make any decisions now


----------



## Doc Proditus

I think I'll have to help for my son's sake. But I'll make sure she'll have to go through purgatory to get my help.
After 2.5 years of cheating and hiding her fairytale relationship lasted 6 weeks before crashing down in such a spectacular way.
I'm still proceeding with a divorce. I think she'll be much more eager to agree to all my terms now.


----------



## seasalt

If she is so agitated over the character of her relationship with this other guy you should get her to understand the wisdom of your son staying with you out of any harm's (either physical or psychological) way.

Tell her first and the most important thing first and then you can sort out, or not sort out, your differences.

Seasalt


----------



## CASE_Sensitive

Is there any way of rationalizing with her that the child is safer with you than her? Are you able to watch you son for an extended period of time should she need to drop him off?


----------



## warlock07

Doc Proditus said:


> Another update.
> 
> My wife just came over and said she does not want divorce. She says that she has realized that POSOM is a psycho and wants out. She says she's willing to try and save our marriage.
> 
> (In the Smaug's voice) WELL...
> 
> Told her it's to late. Got her to admit to when she has started sleeping with POSOM - about 2.5 years ago - just as I started working away from home. Just as I suspected.
> 
> She said that guy's totally jealous and controlling and won't let her go now. (This made me smile).
> 
> She's most likely aborting the purchase of the practice and she'll have to pay penalties.
> 
> She's thinking now about escaping back to Poland, to her parents; leaving all her belongings behind. She'll have to wait until our son finishes his school term (2nd half of July).
> 
> And here I sit now, chuckling as I write this.... I've expected this exact conversation in about a year and not now.
> 
> I'll add more details later, it's a pity that my VAR was not on as the batteries were dead.... I'd keep this conversation forever.
> 
> I've told her that we'll talk tomorrow and discuss things. I'll have VAR ready this time.


I still remember how she cruelly she broke up with you. Now she wants to work on the marriage after cheating on you for 2.5 years ? This woman....

OM and your wife deserve one another....Guess she got tired of being his sugar momma


----------



## warlock07

Also, it could be a lover's quarrel and they could be back together...


----------



## Doc Proditus

My SIL told me that they quarrel every single day now. She told my STBXW that she will never visit her again as the guy is a psycho.
My son started complaining that the guy is very mean to him.
For the record: I'm not taking her back. I'm still going through with the divorce.
I'll help her to get a restraining order + injunction with power of arrest. 
There are couple good reasons for me to do that:
1) This will get POSOM out of her house and away from my son. This means he'll be safer and allow me to spend more time with him.
2) When this goes down I want to make sure that POSOM will experience as much pain and humiliation as humanly possible, I want him to feel betrayed and abandoned. With his current mental state this might just tip him over the edge. He threatened my STBXW that he'll kill himself and her. If not for my son I'd actually pay to make this happen.
3) If she'll just run for it it'll leave POSOM with to many of her assets. I want to make sure he stays broke. I intend to take away everything he owns and holds dear.
4) If my STBXW goes back to Poland, she won't be going back to UK. That means I'll get to see my son 2-3 times per year. It is unacceptable.
5) My STBXW will agree to all my terms. This includes custody rights, child support etc. I'll also get answers to all my questions now.


----------



## warlock07

He threatened my STBXW that he'll kill himself and her.

Wow.....Full on psycho this guy!!

Do you know if she was spending money on him during the marriage?

What was she like during these recent talks? Was she crying or apologising/?


----------



## warlock07

> My son started complaining that the guy is very mean to him.


I would be very worried about this part


----------



## HobbesTheTiger

If I may make a few suggestions:

Get your son to counselling now!

Tell your wife your son stays with you until she gets POSOM out of her life for good, because you're afraid for his safety.

Tell your wife to have someone with her at all times so she will be safe. Tell her to buy pepper spray etc.

Whatever you may think of her, she's your son's mother and at the moment I'd suggest you try to help at least with advice to ensure both his and her physical safety.

You can start ignoring her after that psycho has moved on.

Best wishes


----------



## Dyokemm

"She said that guy's totally jealous and controlling and won't let her go now."

It amazes me how cheaters cannot see until its too late that their AP is a complete POS.

A sane person would see right off that any piece of trash willing to pursue and cheat with a married person, especially the spouse of a supposed friend, is some one to avoid like the plague.

They have no morals, character, honor, or integrity.

They are people who, if they dropped dead tomorrow would make the world a better place.

And yet somehow, cheating spouses see this same person as some type of Fairy tale come true...until its too late and they have destroyed the lives and happiness of every one close to them.

So f*cking stupid.


----------



## manticore

HobbesTheTiger said:


> Tell your wife your son stays with you until she gets POSOM out of her life for good, because you're afraid for his safety.


Agree with this, I am beginning to picture him as the kind of psycho that can't control his emotional responses and prone to violence, so little 6 years old that is what mommy love the most is an easy target to get back and the woman who is about to kick him out, let him heartbroken and finacially screwed (at least in his mind).


----------



## Turin74

That is absolutely correct and this concept never stops to amaze me. I understand the concept of affair fog on the midst of affair, but not seeing the true colors of 'the candidate' POSOM before the affair reaches the climax (no pun) or even starts being an affair is beyond comprehension.
Also explains the success rate of the karma bus. At first I thought this is just childish mental defense of BS i but guess the rationale is that only a man with low moral values goe after a married woman and this shows off when they get locked into each other - almost guaranteed. 

My close friend recently went through the same scenario. With his permission and if not against TAM policy I may post it, because my jaw seems to be locked in the dropped down position. 






Dyokemm said:


> "She said that guy's totally jealous and controlling and won't let her go now."
> 
> It amazes me how cheaters cannot see until its too late that their AP is a complete POS.
> 
> A sane person would see right off that any piece of trash willing to pursue and cheat with a married person, especially the spouse of a supposed friend, is some one to avoid like the plague.
> 
> They have no morals, character honor, or integrity.
> 
> They are people who, if they dropped dead tomorrow would make the world a better place.
> 
> And yet somehow, cheating spouses see this same person as some type of Fairy tale come true...until its too late and they have destroyed the lives and happiness of every one close to them.
> 
> So f*cking stupid.


 _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## CASE_Sensitive

Doc Proditus said:


> .... He threatened my STBXW that he'll kill himself and her. If not for my son I'd actually pay to make this happen.



More reason than ever to VAR any conversation you have have with your wife. You need to get your child away from that psycho asap. Are you still only getting your son for a couple of hours each week?


----------



## bandit.45

This guy has a history of violence and you just heard about a death threat against your wife. Why haven't you called the police?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Doc Proditus

I've allowed my STBXW to return temporarily for the sake of my son. She's to afraid to return to her house.
The guy went full psycho and made threats to kill her and harm my son. The police has been informed. Tomorrow she's going to court to get restraining order + injunction against him.
On the other hand - the divorce proceedings continue as planned.
My STBXW acts like nothing happened and she does not believe that I intend to continue with divorce. After 16 years she should know me better.


----------



## Mike11

Well Done Doc take the high road for your Son


----------



## GusPolinski

It really is a shame that you're in jolly ol' England. If you were across the pond you'd be able to arm yourself in the face of an impending threat to your family.


----------



## Lostinthought61

just to be clear taking the high road does not mean he has to take his wife back...it mean being the protector he is for his family sake and well being, i am glad you are watching out for them...and you need to remind her this is ALL HER DOING.....so doc i have to ask is her sister available to date...that would really fry her her a bit.


----------



## bandit.45

Doc Proditus said:


> I've allowed my STBXW to return temporarily for the sake of my son. She's to afraid to return to her house.
> The guy went full psycho and made threats to kill her and harm my son. The police has been informed. Tomorrow she's going to court to get restraining order + injunction against him.
> I've made a call to an acquaintance of mine. It's only a question who gets to him first.
> On the other hand - the divorce proceedings continue as planned.
> My STBXW acts like nothing happened and she does not believe that I intend to continue with divorce. After 16 years she should know me better.


Don't be surprised if she makes the moves on you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt

GusPolinski said:


> It really is a shame that you're in jolly ol' England. If you were across the pond you'd be able to arm yourself in the face of an impending threat to your family.


You can in Britain, in theory.

And as a friend of mine once said to someone: "If I kill you, I'll probably serve 20 years in prison. And guess what? You'd still be dead!"


----------



## happyman64

Will the police or attorney need your sons passport for identification???  

Use this time to your advantage Doc.


----------



## Turin74

Bravo Doc!

Dobra robota!

Please stay on your path, your case is such a prefect example of a karma bus etc, I'm sure everybody want it to go perfectly (except perhaps your STBXW)




Doc Proditus said:


> I've allowed my STBXW to return temporarily for the sake of my son. She's to afraid to return to her house.
> The guy went full psycho and made threats to kill her and harm my son. The police has been informed. Tomorrow she's going to court to get restraining order + injunction against him.
> I've made a call to an acquaintance of mine. It's only a question who gets to him first.
> On the other hand - the divorce proceedings continue as planned.
> My STBXW acts like nothing happened and she does not believe that I intend to continue with divorce. After 16 years she should know me better.


 _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## LongWalk

Well, you are not sleeping in the same bed. That ought to make her wonder if she is in a sexless marriage

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## WhiteRaven

GusPolinski said:


> It really is a shame that you're in jolly ol' England. If you were across the pond you'd be able to arm yourself in the face of an impending threat to your family.


I recommend a Glock with Crimson Trace laser grips. Just point and shoot.


----------



## WhiteRaven

happyman64 said:


> Will the police or attorney need your sons passport for identification???
> 
> Use this time to your advantage Doc.


Brilliant.:smthumbup:


----------



## GusPolinski

WhiteRaven said:


> I recommend a Glock with Crimson Trace laser grips. Just point and shoot.


I don't believe that Glock makes a 1911. Kimber or Springfield, IMO.


----------



## WhiteRaven

GusPolinski said:


> I don't believe that Glock makes a 1911. Kimber or Springfield, IMO.


Glock - gun for dummies.


----------



## CASE_Sensitive

GusPolinski said:


> It really is a shame that you're in jolly ol' England. If you were across the pond you'd be able to arm yourself in the face of an impending threat to your family.


Ever think psycho POSOM wouldn't have the same access? You're safer in England than in Texas given your circumstances.


----------



## GusPolinski

CASE_Sensitive said:


> Ever think psycho POSOM wouldn't have the same access? You're safer in England than in Texas given your circumstances.


Not necessarily. In the event of any altercation, you'd have a distinct advantage just by virtue of being within your own home. Of course this is assuming that OP's home is where any such incident might take place.

I'd hate for this to turn into a debate on the Second Amendment. Let's not do that here. There are other threads on this site better suited to such arguments.


----------



## CASE_Sensitive

Agreed


----------



## MattMatt

CASE_Sensitive said:


> Ever think psycho POSOM wouldn't have the same access? You're safer in England than in Texas given your circumstances.


Sadly criminals in the UK have access to all the guns they want. Many are smuggled in from Eastern Europe.


----------



## mahike

Yep keep the kid safe. I think she will try to get you in the sack at some point do yourself a favor and keep it out of her. 

Keep your distance with her and take care of your boy. If you can get someone to hang on to those passports.

Best of luck


----------



## MattMatt

mahike said:


> Yep keep the kid safe. I think she will try to get you in the sack at some point do yourself a favor and keep it out of her.
> 
> Keep your distance with her and take care of your boy. If you can get someone to hang on to those passports.
> 
> Best of luck


You could get a restraining order against him?


----------



## mahike

CASE_Sensitive said:


> Ever think psycho POSOM wouldn't have the same access? You're safer in England than in Texas given your circumstances.


But in Texas you would have 4 buddies with handguns and rifles to back you up


----------



## MattMatt

mahike said:


> But in Texas you would have 4 buddies with handguns and rifles to back you up


Well, that's not the case, here, sadly.

However, how about getting him and your wife on the Jeremy Kyle Show? http://www.itv.com/jeremykyle


----------



## WhiteRaven

mahike said:


> But in Texas you would have 4 buddies with handguns and rifles to back you up


Try Maryland. Too many places to dump a body.


----------



## GusPolinski

WhiteRaven said:


> Try Maryland. Too many places to dump a body.


*cough* LOUISIANA!!!


----------



## GusPolinski

mahike said:


> But in Texas you would have 4 buddies with handguns and rifles to back you up


LOL... waaaaaaaaaay more than four. And each will likely have several pistols, rifles, and shotguns.

And a closet overflowing w/ ammo.


----------



## GusPolinski

MattMatt said:


> Sadly criminals in the UK have access to all the guns they want. Many are smuggled in from Eastern Europe.


As long as weapons are manufactured anywhere, criminals will find ways to get their hands on them, and any laws aimed at keeping weapons out of their reach will stop only the least motivated among them.


----------



## Squeakr

GusPolinski said:


> LOL... waaaaaaaaaay more than four. And each will likely have several pistols, rifles, and shotguns.
> 
> And a closet overflowing w/ ammo.


And the Rio Grande ,which can be littered with bodies from those trying to cross the border, and the border close by. Like Mexico or the US will really care if a body shows up there. Heck we can't get our legal and upstanding residents back, think we would care about such a psycho low life?

When all guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. 

Laws in general are like locks, they only serve to keep honest people honest.


----------



## owl6118

Having trouble seeing how taking the problems of a guy in North Wales, UK, and making them fodder for a US domestic political dispute helps the guy in North Wales.


----------



## GusPolinski

We're not really debating. At this point it's just random chit chat.


----------



## Squeakr

Not really a dispute either as everyone seems to be on the same page. Need opposing sides for a dispute.


----------



## MattMatt

owl6118 said:


> Having trouble seeing how taking the problems of a guy in North Wales, UK, and making them fodder for a US domestic political dispute helps the guy in North Wales.


What? In Cymru? Oh! 

Yeah, the threadjacks are not helping.


----------



## Doc Proditus

LongWalk said:


> Well, you are not sleeping in the same bed. That ought to make her wonder if she is in a sexless marriage


Well... The only bed left in the house is my own king size one. So I have to share it with my son and STBXW. As for sex... I look at her and don't feel anything... no lust, not even anger... just detachment... the only 2 people that trigger positive emotional response are my son and my mother.

Police are involved, POSOM is getting Police Information Notice with Restraining Order to follow (has to be done by the court). He tried to call over 20 times today and sent half a dozen texts. (It's a good thing as with this evidence she can prove stalking). A cop will accompany her to the house they stayed together so she can get her and my son's things, with the removal company bringing the furniture back this weekend. Damn. Took me 3 weeks to get all that stuff out of the house ....


----------



## tom67

Doc Proditus said:


> Well... The only bed left in the house is my own king size one. So I have to share it with my son and STBXW. As for sex... I look at her and don't feel anything... no lust, not even anger... just detachment... the only 2 people that trigger positive emotional response are my son and my mother.



So sad a little lust p!ssed away a family.
One day at a time.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I'm staying in contact with my solicitor... now that she stays under my roof I can have the divorce petition sent here. I'll wait until restraining order is in place to prevent POSOM from contacting either her or me. She's also buying the practice - on her own dime. It'll be a perfect time to serve it when after she buys the practice as she'll be fully committed to staying in the area.


----------



## CASE_Sensitive

Hopefully POSOM actually does off himself.


----------



## GusPolinski

Doc Proditus said:


> Well... The only bed left in the house is my own king size one. So I have to share it with my son and STBXW. As for sex... I look at her and don't feel anything... no lust, not even anger... just detachment... the only 2 people that trigger positive emotional response are my son and my mother.
> 
> Police are involved, POSOM is getting Police Information Notice with Restraining Order to follow (has to be done by the court). He tried to call over 20 times today and sent half a dozen texts. (It's a good thing as with this evidence she can prove stalking). A cop will accompany her to the house they stayed together so she can get her and my son's things, with the removal company bringing the furniture back this weekend. Damn. Took me 3 weeks to get all that stuff out of the house ....


I'd bring in the bare minimum and have the rest put into storage.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I have to say guys... When she came in yesterday and started unpacking the stuff from her car... he came through the garden gate she left open - when she saw him she dropped everything and run into the house, locking patio door behind her. He started knocking on the door and I came into the kitchen. He asked me what's going on. I smiled and told him she does not want to be with you anymore. I could see the blood draining from his face. He asked are youtaking her back? She's been cheating on you for 3 years. I had several answers on the tip of my tongue but I said that I'm doing it for my son. 
The look of betrayal and pain on his face... I will treasure it for the rest of my life... He just turned around and walked out of the garden.... And I was standing in the kitchen and laughing....


----------



## mahike

Doc I may have missed this, She is still working right? If so have her served at the office. I am all for some humiliation. The other upside is the kid is not around with everything goes down.

I am betting she has a bit of a melt down.


----------



## GusPolinski

Doc Proditus said:


> I have to say guys... When she came in yesterday and started unpacking the stuff from her car... he came through the garden gate she left open - when she saw him she dropped everything and run into the house, locking patio door behind her. He started knocking on the door and I came into the kitchen. He asked me what's going on. I smiled and told him she does not want to be with you anymore. I could see the blood draining from his face. He asked are youtaking her back? She's been cheating on you for 3 years. I had several answers on the tip of my tongue but I said that I'm doing it for my son.
> The look of betrayal and pain on his face... I will treasure it for the rest of my life... He just turned around and walked out of the garden.... And I was standing in the kitchen and laughing....


Doc, that's awesome. I'm going to drink a beer in your honor later this evening.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Believe me, I'd pay a lot of money to have the whole conversation recorded on camera... with a close up on his face.


----------



## tom67

Doc Proditus said:


> Believe me, I'd pay a lot of money to have the whole conversation recorded on camera... with a close up on his face.


After that episode your sex rank exploded she may try to rape you tonight.
And then when you blow her off she'll be trying that much harder.
Just prepare for it.
And I'll have a drink also Gus.


----------



## GusPolinski

GusPolinski said:


> Doc, that's awesome. I'm going to drink a beer in your honor later this evening.





tom67 said:


> And I'll have a drink also Gus.


It's gonna be one of these lovely ladies...










I'm thinking the blonde in the middle.


----------



## tom67

GusPolinski said:


> It's gonna be one of these lovely ladies...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm thinking the blonde in the middle.


----------



## bandit.45

Make your WW sleep on the floor. It's good for the spine.


----------



## cool12

i'd make her sorry cheating ass sleep on the floor.


----------



## cool12

bandit.45 said:


> Make your WW sleep on the floor. It's good for the spine.



gmta


----------



## LongWalk

The shxt that happens in Wales. The country has always attracted trouble.


----------



## bandit.45

cool12 said:


> gmta


You owe me a Coke.


----------



## bandit.45

LongWalk said:


> The shxt that happens in Wales. The country has always attracted trouble.


And Poland too. The most singularly sh!t-on country in Europe.


----------



## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> And Poland too. The most singularly sh!t-on country in Europe.


Bandito muy inteligente


----------



## Doc Proditus

We've had Russia on one side and Germany on the other as neighbours for the last 1000 years. Also worth mentioning are few Mongol Invasions, and pretty much constant wars from 12 to 18 century, the partitioning and loss of independence for 123 years, 2 world wars and 50 years of communism.
So I'd say we've had to deal with a lot of sh*t in our history.


----------



## GTdad

Doc Proditus said:


> We've had Russia on one side and Germany on the other as neighbours for the last 1000 years. Also worth mentioning are few Mongol Invasions, and pretty much constant wars from 12 to 18 century, the partitioning and loss of independence for 123 years, 2 world wars and 50 years of communism.
> So I'd say we've had to deal with a lot of sh*t in our history.


A valiant people, f*cked by geography.


----------



## GusPolinski

Doc Proditus said:


> We've had Russia on one side and Germany on the other as neighbours for the last 1000 years. Also worth mentioning are few Mongol Invasions, and pretty much constant wars from 12 to 18 century, the partitioning and loss of independence for 123 years, 2 world wars and 50 years of communism.
> So I'd say we've had to deal with a lot of sh*t in our history.


OK Doc, you win. I'm going to drink all of the beer in my fridge.

For Poland!

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## CASE_Sensitive

Those beers have inspired me to have a cold one too!
Great news Doc. Let's hope she doesn't go back to POSOM after she knows you and her will never be the same.

PS...has her family back home been informed?


----------



## Chaparral

On 9/11/1683, the Polish people stopped the Muslim invasion of Europe and saved the world. Thanks


----------



## Chaparral

Battle of Vienna - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Very brutal


----------



## adriana

Chaparral said:


> On 9/11/1683, the Polish people stopped the Muslim invasion of Europe and saved the world. Thanks



I was going to mention it too.... yes, Sobieski was the dude. And he had a gorgeous wife.


----------



## GusPolinski

Chaparral said:


> On 9/11/1683, the Polish people stopped the Muslim invasion of Europe and saved the world. Thanks


Damn. And I'm out of beer.

We need a :burp: emoticon.


----------



## 3putt

GusPolinski said:


> Damn. And I'm out of beer.
> 
> We need a :burp: emoticon.


----------



## GusPolinski

:lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

CASE_Sensitive said:


> Those beers have inspired me to have a cold one too!
> Great news Doc. Let's hope she doesn't go back to POSOM after she knows you and her will never be the same.
> 
> PS...has her family back home been informed?


I hate you fvckers for being able to drink.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

Doc Proditus said:


> We've had Russia on one side and Germany on the other as neighbours for the last 1000 years. Also worth mentioning are few Mongol Invasions, and pretty much constant wars from 12 to 18 century, the partitioning and loss of independence for 123 years, 2 world wars and 50 years of communism.
> So I'd say we've had to deal with a lot of sh*t in our history.


And your country has produced some of the hottest women on the planet.

Let's not forget about that!


----------



## WhiteRaven

happyman64 said:


> And your country has produced some of the hottest women on the planet.
> 
> Let's not forget about that!


Don't forget the new Radom rifle bro. Drool worthy!!!

I want one. Pweeze???(puppy dog eyes)


----------



## warlock07

Doc Proditus said:


> I have to say guys... When she came in yesterday and started unpacking the stuff from her car... he came through the garden gate she left open - when she saw him she dropped everything and run into the house, locking patio door behind her. He started knocking on the door and I came into the kitchen. He asked me what's going on. I smiled and told him she does not want to be with you anymore. I could see the blood draining from his face. He asked are youtaking her back? She's been cheating on you for 3 years. I had several answers on the tip of my tongue but I said that I'm doing it for my son.
> The look of betrayal and pain on his face... I will treasure it for the rest of my life... He just turned around and walked out of the garden.... And I was standing in the kitchen and laughing....


He seriously sounds unstable. Now he has nothing to lose. be careful Doc. It was a nice retort but nothing more...

Did you report him for the violation ?


----------



## Doc Proditus

Oh yes. Tomorrow I have a meeting to file a report for the paperwork. It came to light POSOM has lost his driving licence for DUI and despite this he was still driving. This means more serious problems for him.


----------



## tom67

Doc Proditus said:


> Oh yes. Tomorrow I have a meeting to file a report for the paperwork. It came to light POSOM has lost his driving licence for DUI and despite this he was still driving. This means more serious problems for him.


Good.
Can't be too careful.


----------



## cool12

Doc Proditus said:


> Oh yes. Tomorrow I have a meeting to file a report for the paperwork. It came to light POSOM has lost his driving licence for DUI and despite this he was still driving. This means more serious problems for him.



whatever. 
your wife was the one fvcking him for 3 years. why give a shvt what he's doing?

i understand protecting your son but come on, he's not your problem.


----------



## Turin74

Perhaps there is a hope he won't be f#@^kjng someone else'wife for the next couple of years. Perhaps Doc will feel better. Whatever works. 



cool12 said:


> Doc Proditus said:
> 
> 
> 
> Oh yes. Tomorrow I have a meeting to file a report for the paperwork. It came to light POSOM has lost his driving licence for DUI and despite this he was still driving. This means more serious problems for him.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> whatever.
> your wife was the one fvcking him for 3 years. why give a shvt what he's doing?
> 
> i understand protecting your son but come on, he's not your problem.
Click to expand...

 _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## Doc Proditus

If police can prove it (and we are talking about UK, country pretty much covered with CCTV cameras) , he's facing 6 months in prison and 5000 £ fine and hopefully loss of job/business and criminal record. I'd say it'll make me feel better 
And meeting & paperwork will be needed to get restraining order in place.


----------



## bandit.45

So how long is she going to be staying with you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Doc Proditus

Not sure yet. She should be getting served in about 2 weeks time, I'll wait until the court will impose a restraining order against POSOM and get him deeper into sh*t and also for my STBXW to finish purchasing the practice - this way she'll be stuck in the area for the next 5-10 years and unable to simply pack up and take my son to Poland.
On the side note - looks like she had a major fallout with her family. I get to take my son for a 2 weeks holiday to Poland while she'll be staying here alone.


----------



## cool12

Doc Proditus said:


> this way she'll be stuck in the area for the next 5-10 years and unable to simply pack up and take my son to Poland..


great news. 



Doc Proditus said:


> On the side note - looks like she had a major fallout with her family. I get to take my son for a 2 weeks holiday to Poland while she'll be staying here alone.


more great news!


----------



## GusPolinski

Doc Proditus said:


> I get to take my son for a 2 weeks holiday to Poland while she'll be staying here alone.


That's actually kind of scary.


----------



## Lostinthought61

Please Please be careful...a man who has nothing to lose is not afraid to destroy everything


----------



## mahike

Xenote said:


> Please Please be careful...a man who has nothing to lose is not afraid to destroy everything


Very True! great to hear she could be locked down in the UK for a few years. That would be a real help with the kid.

I would establish a deadline with wife on when she needs to be out. At this point she maybe thinking that since she is back in that she is really back in


----------



## Doc Proditus

mahike said:


> At this point she maybe thinking that since she is back in that she is really back in


I think you're 100% right on this. 

Believe me when I say that pretty much my every word and every action has a purpose now. I've got a plan and I'm sticking with it. Sure there might be bumps along the road and occasional derailment but as long as I'm getting into the right direction that's all that matters.

Surprisingly for me looks like there is more people that are having my back in this then I've expected. Local people with connections to both military and law enforcement will find out facts about POSOM, to help me assess the potential threat. Hopefully I'll be able to discover if he's got criminal record and if he really served (or he's being former SAS as much bullsh*t as everything else - as I suspect).


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

Doc Proditus said:


> On the side note - looks like she had a major fallout with her family. I get to take my son for a 2 weeks holiday to Poland *while she'll be staying here alone.*


I doubt by then that she'll be "alone".


----------



## WhiteRaven

Doc Proditus said:


> former SAS


Load of crap!


----------



## Tobyboy

Remember....this is the woman who lied and deceived you for 3 years. Something about this whole "falling out" stinks!!! Protect your assets. Do not offer to help fund her new practice. 
I'm betting she'll be back with her OM after she's served.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GusPolinski

Doc, not that she'll tell you anything (or that it even matters to you now), but I'd be interested to know how their conversations went from lovey-dovey to "B*tch, if you ever leave me I'll f*cking kill you." Either way, threats aside, it's not realistic to think that she won't go back to this guy at some point, and then you're back in the same situation that you were in until very recently i.e. him around your son.

If it were me I'd need more details, even in the face of an impending divorce. If nothing else I'd want to be able to fully gauge whether or not my child or even my child's mother were genuinely in any sort of mortal danger.

Again, not that it matters, but I'm also wondering if she felt like she was forced to make the decision to leave w/ him once you found out about the affair. Is there anything in her belief system or your shared culture that would lead her to believe that you'll put the breaks on the divorce now that she's back under your roof?


----------



## Doc Proditus

Guys, I am grateful for your advice - thanks to your suggestions I'll add a few more questions to the list.
It's growing and growing longer every day.
I intend to do full backup of her IPhone using ITunes, this should hopefully allow me to gain access to old texts she deleted from her phone.
Just have to find the post on best way to do it on the forum


----------



## GusPolinski

Doc, there are several applications for PC and Mac that can help w/ this. If your wife's iPhone is connected to wifi and configured for iCloud backups, however, you could use this app w/o even having to touch her phone...

Wondershare Dr. Fone (for Mac)

You will, however, need to know the e-mail address and password that she uses as her Apple ID / iTunes account in order to access the iCloud backups of her iPhone via the app.

Note that there is a Windows version available as well.


----------



## Squeakr

It will to a point. Once the texts are deleted they are not in fact deleted but the memory space they occupy is marked as empty and available in the control software. When new data needs to be written it can then be written over the old data into that memory spot. Having said that, if the deletions were recent and the memory not had a chance to be overwritten, then it can be recovered, otherwise it is lost for good. DOn't expect is she is a frequent tester to recover things from times long past.


----------



## GusPolinski

Squeakr said:


> It will to a point. Once the texts are deleted they are not in fact deleted but the memory space they occupy is marked as empty and available in the control software. When new data needs to be written it can then be written over the old data into that memory spot. Having said that, if the deletions were recent and the memory not had a chance to be overwritten, then it can be recovered, otherwise it is lost for good. DOn't expect is she is a frequent tester to recover things from times long past.


All very true. I meant to include at least some of this in a disclaimer but forgot to do so.

Squeakr to the rescue!


----------



## warlock07

What does she think about the situation with you ? Does she know that you are filing for divorce ? She must have a idea about you. Is she talking with you ?


----------



## Doc Proditus

Oh yes she's talking. She's very ... amicable.
I've already told her that we are divorcing... she's saying OK, but I'm not sure if she thinks I'm bluffing.


----------



## bandit.45

WhiteRaven said:


> Load of crap!


True. I know a guy who was a Navy SEAL back in the 90s, and he NEVER talks or brags about having been one. I knew him for three years before his wife blurted out he had been a SEAL. 

Any guy who was in any special forces and was proud of his service rarely advertises the fact.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## harrybrown

So she would be okay if you had a three year affair with some psycho?

and that you could come back after all the drama? 

Do not let her work on your teeth. She has already hurt you so much. 

I do hope that you find happiness some day. You have been thru the wringer with her. 

Thank you for trying to protect your son.


----------



## GusPolinski

bandit.45 said:


> True. I know a guy who was a Navy SEAL back in the 90s, and he NEVER talks or brags about having been one. I knew him for three years before his wife blurted out he had been a SEAL.
> 
> Any guy who was in any special forces and was proud of his service rarely advertises the fact.


My Dad was a Force Recon Marine, but you'll never hear him mention being anything other than a "Marine".


----------



## Doc Proditus

As for these 2 weeks of holiday I'll be spending in Poland with my son - she decided she's not going to stay in UK, initially she wanted for her younger sister to go with her for a trip to Rome, my SIL said she's never coming again after what's she's been through last time...
So she's going to Poland as well to visit her maternal grandmother and other branch of her family. Her twin is coming for the holiday from USA but she does not want to meet with her.


----------



## bandit.45

Wow. Her twin doesn't want to see her? Wow. Now that is pissed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WhiteRaven

bandit.45 said:


> True. I know a guy who was a Navy SEAL back in the 90s, and he NEVER talks or brags about having been one. I knew him for three years before his wife blurted out he had been a SEAL.
> 
> Any guy who was in any special forces and was proud of his service rarely advertises the fact.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My xFIL was one. I know only coz my dad knew him. 

If the OM was really xSAS, how come he is broke? Merc companies would have him a millionaire. A Spec guy is worth a lot as a merc.


----------



## tom67

Doc Proditus said:


> As for these 2 weeks of holiday I'll be spending in Poland with my son - she decided she's not going to stay in UK, initially she wanted for her younger sister to go with her for a trip to Rome, my SIL said she's never coming again after what's she's been through last time...
> So she's going to Poland as well to visit her maternal grandmother and other branch of her family. Her twin is coming for the holiday from USA but she does not want to meet with her.


She is facing consequences for her actions.
Unfortunate but that was HER choice.


----------



## GusPolinski

bandit.45 said:


> Wow. Her twin doesn't want to see her? Wow. Now that is pissed.


Werd.


----------



## WhiteRaven

GusPolinski said:


> My Dad was a Force Recon Marine, but you'll never hear him mention being anything other than a "Marine".


Same here bro. My dad returned in one piece to us and we are more than happy with it. Curiosity be damned .


----------



## GusPolinski

WhiteRaven said:


> My xFIL was one. I know only coz my dad knew him.
> 
> If the OM was really xSAS, how come he is broke? Merc companies would have him a millionaire. A Spec guy is worth a lot as a merc.


This isn't a universal truth. My Dad has... well, issues. He served honorably as a Force Recon Marine but, unfortunately, the dedication, discipline, and perseverance required to achieve such a revered status doesn't always carry over into civilian life, especially w/o the ever-present regimentation offered by the military.


----------



## bandit.45

GusPolinski said:


> This isn't a universal truth. My Dad has... well, issues. He served honorably as a Force Recon Marine but, unfortunately, the dedication, discipline, and perseverance required to achieve such a revered status doesn't always carry over into civilian life, especially w/o the ever-present regimentation offered by the military.


Those guys carry a heavy burden, especially if they saw a lot of action. I hate the way the service tosses those guys out without any follow up counseling. I guess things are getting better now, but your heart has to go out to them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cool12

GusPolinski said:


> Doc, not that she'll tell you anything (or that it even matters to you now), but I'd be interested to know how their conversations went from lovey-dovey to "B*tch, if you ever leave me I'll f*cking kill you."



i've been wondering the same thing. they've been seeing each other secretly all this time, the secret is now out and suddenly he's a psycho?

doesn't add up to me. either she's lying now or he's always been like that.


----------



## GusPolinski

bandit.45 said:


> Those guys carry a heavy burden, especially if they saw a lot of action. I hate the way the service tosses those guys out without any follow up counseling. I guess things are getting better now, but your heart has to go out to them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Indeed. He's only ever _hinted_ at the types of things that he witnessed, and only when he's had a few too many.

My mother, brother, and I have seen the toll that such a burden can take on an otherwise strong man first-hand. Thank God we're at least a bit further along in the mental health arena than we were 30-40 years ago.

To all of our veterans...

/SALUTE


----------



## GusPolinski

cool12 said:


> i've been wondering the same thing. they've been seeing each other secretly all this time, the secret is now out and suddenly he's a psycho?
> 
> doesn't add up to me. either she's lying now or he's always been like that.


Yeah. Like I said, I'm wondering if she felt that, once she engaged in a relationship w/ him, she _had_ to continue. And then, once the affair was uncovered, she _had_ to choose him.

Not that it would change anything. If the EA, PA, lies, deceit, and manipulations amount to a deal-breaker for him, then so be it. And, assuming that he's given an honest accounting of everything that has transpired, I don't imagine that I could ever recommend that he choose reconciliation.

Thankfully, it would appear that reconciliation is off the table for him.


----------



## Dyokemm

"i've been wondering the same thing. they've been seeing each other secretly all this time, the secret is now out and suddenly he's a psycho?

doesn't add up to me. either she's lying now or he's always been like that."

Some abusive POSs hide that fact behind a wall of charm UNTIL they feel the have their SO in a no-win situation where she can't leave...then the monster starts to come out.

I've seen this before with a couple of former students I mentor and one of my cousins.


----------



## WhiteRaven

GusPolinski said:


> Indeed. He's only ever _hinted_ at the types of things that he witnessed, and only when he's had a few too many.
> 
> My mother, brother, and I have seen the toll that such a burden can take on an otherwise strong man first-hand. Thank God we're at least a bit further along in the mental health arena than we were 30-40 years ago.
> 
> To all of our veterans...
> 
> /SALUTE


I agree.


----------



## Doc Proditus

GusPolinski said:


> Indeed. He's only ever _hinted_ at the types of things that he witnessed, and only when he's had a few too many.


POSOM only mentioned his past and things he has seen and done usually after first bottle of vodka was empty.

He also has some serious health issues nowdays. He developed Addison's disease - failure of the adrenal glands. He's only alive because he's taking steroids. This pretty much put an end to his military career. Last year he had pacemaker fitted (he's 37).
And it seems he likes his drink a bit too much.


----------



## GusPolinski

Doc Proditus said:


> POSOM only mentioned his past and things he has seen and done usually after first bottle of vodka was empty.
> 
> He also has some serious health issues nowdays. He developed Addison's disease - failure of the adrenal glands. He's only alive because he's taking steroids. This pretty much put an end to his military career. Last year he had pacemaker fitted (he's 37).
> And it seems he likes his drink a bit too much.


No adrenaline? This could work in your favor! :smthumbup:


----------



## Doc Proditus

Dyokemm said:


> Some abusive POSs hide that fact behind a wall of charm UNTIL they feel the have their SO in a no-win situation where she can't leave...then the monster starts to come out.


STBXW told me that he was playing very nice until they've been caught - when she moved with him his behaviour changed... and on the day when I handed her the letter from my solicitor the guy firmly believed he's holding all the cards now... that was the day he started shouting at my son and STBXW.
2 days later when he left their house she packed her things and ran.


----------



## Mike11

Nasty piece of work this Bloke, as much as it sounds bad your problem is mainly your wife not with POSOM, remember she is the one that married you, POSOM is a douche and will get what he deserve


----------



## Zatol Ugot?

Doc,
I may have missed it somewhere in the threads, but why is it that your wife has your son? In one of your first posts, it seemed as though it was just assumed that he would be with her and that she was moving out so obviously the son was as well. Why is your son with this psycho and a cheating wife? 
Sorry if this was explained earlier. Just didn't have the time to read through all the posts.


----------



## Nucking Futs

bandit.45 said:


> True. I know a guy who was a Navy SEAL back in the 90s, and he NEVER talks or brags about having been one. I knew him for three years before his wife blurted out he had been a SEAL.
> 
> Any guy who was in any special forces and was proud of his service rarely advertises the fact.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When my nephew joined the Army the recruiter told him they expected a lot from him since his dad was SF. That was the first time he heard that, he always thought his dad was a clerk or something.


----------



## warlock07

Doc Proditus said:


> STBXW told me that he was playing very nice until they've been caught - when she moved with him his behaviour changed... and on the day when I handed her the letter from my solicitor the guy firmly believed he's holding all the cards now... that was the day he started shouting at my son and STBXW.
> 2 days later when he left their house she packed her things and ran.


What was in that letter ? Someone remind me


----------



## happyman64

I believe the letter was his intent to divorce her....


----------



## Doc Proditus

Yup. She was claiming she has not received anything after a week it was sent so I've printed it out and gave it to her.
I think that was the moment when she realised that the sh*t got real and POSOM was not such an attractive option any more.
I've emailed my solicitor today stating that STBXW returned but I wish to continue with divorce.


----------



## bandit.45

Crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch.....(smack, smack)...

Neyahhhh.....what's up Doc?


----------



## farsidejunky

*Re: Re: End of marriage.*



WhiteRaven said:


> My xFIL was one. I know only coz my dad knew him.
> 
> If the OM was really xSAS, how come he is broke? Merc companies would have him a millionaire. A Spec guy is worth a lot as a merc.


If he has a record they will pass.


----------



## Squeakr

farsidejunky said:


> If he has a record they will pass.


And there was a comment abut his poor health as well, so that would disqualify him as well.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I've spent an hour and a half at the police station yesterday, so the police could file a report against POSOM for harassment. This will help to get restraining order/injunction against him.
The constable that's handling the case said that he thinks POSOM being former SAS is bulsh*t. He was also very interested to find that POSOM still drives his car despite being banned for drink driving.


----------



## bandit.45

Doc Proditus said:


> I've spent an hour and a half at the police station yesterday, so the police could file a report against POSOM for harassment. This will help to get restraining order/injunction against him.
> The constable that's handling the case said that he thinks POSOM being former SAS is bulsh*t. He was also very interested to find that POSOM still drives his car despite being banned for drink driving.


Was this from when he came to your house the other day? Or did he pull some new shenanigans today?


----------



## Doc Proditus

It was regarding the events from 1st and 3rd of June - since then POS has not showed his face around my home.


----------



## LongWalk

Your wife is now wondering why you aren't making love to her.


----------



## tom67

LongWalk said:


> Your wife is now wondering why you aren't making love to her.


If she is that delusional after all this...


----------



## bandit.45

I hope Doc isn't sleeping on the sofa.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Doc Proditus

I'm sleeping in my own bed. STBXW sleeps with my son in the bunk bed.


----------



## WyshIknew

LongWalk said:


> Your wife is now wondering why you aren't making love to her.


His wife is probably thinking, "If I can just ride the storm out I can get Doc back".

And no doubt all this stuff DP is doing is raising his stock in her eyes, just the opposite to what he wants.


----------



## bandit.45

WyshIknew said:


> His wife is probably thinking, "If I can just ride the storm out I can get Doc back".
> 
> And no doubt all this stuff DP is doing is raising his stock in her eyes, just the opposite to what he wants.


That's usually the way it goes. The BS begins to move on to a single life and the WS all of a sudden wakes up from their fantasy and realizes that they are about to lose their family. That's when you see them start to be contrite, but by that time it is often too little too late.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07

I don't think even his wife has hopes of reconciling. She was his wife all these years. She knows Doc as a person.


----------



## WyshIknew

warlock07 said:


> I don't think even his wife has hopes of reconciling. She was his wife all these years. She knows Doc as a person.


You're no doubt quite correct but who knows what she is really thinking.

Doc has taken her back into the house, he is protecting her from the knobjockey, I seem to recall Doc mentioning he has lost a bit of weight and toned up a little in the gym. He is possibly looking pretty good to her at the moment.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Had a great day together with my son. We've been invited by airport police/anti-terorist unit - a we've had a blast. We've been driven around in armoured car, I've played with Glocks and HK G36, then we were invited by firefighters and showed around and we've got to sit in the biggest firetruck I've ever seen - 8x8 Oshkosh Striker 4500 (brought today from US).
My son also received a real police badge 
All this plus the fact that it's a Father's Day in UK really made our day.


----------



## TheBaxter

Glad you had a great day Doc. Cherish them. They don't come around often.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Suspecting2014

Happy Father's Day!


----------



## GusPolinski

How goes it, Doc?


----------



## happyman64

How are you doing Doc?


----------



## Doc Proditus

Sorry about the absence. Just came back from holidays. I've spent last 2 weeks in Poland in my hometown, first week with my son, then dropped him off with his maternal grandparents and had a good week of doing nothing at all, staying late and sleeping late while being spoiled by my mother.
My son will stay in Poland for next 3 weeks then my STBXW will bring him back. 
The divorce process is taking longer then I expected but the lawyer told me I'll be a free man in about 6 months, so there is still quite a long way to go.
Me and my STBXW are still living under the same roof but I make sure to talk only about things relating to our son and keep the interaction to minimum. We sleep in separate rooms.
I still have not heard a word of apology from her. I don't really expect anything - I just wait for divorce to come through. I think she still does not believe I'm going through with it.


----------



## Philat

What about the lying POS glorified trash collector? Still around?


----------



## Doc Proditus

Not to my knowledge. I've finally managed to achieve emotional detachment of sorts so I no longer give a damn. She spends most of her time on her IPhone, reading celebrities gossip and wasting time. I don't even feel a need to check her phone - I'm not even curious what she's doing. 
I'm trying to concentrate on my relationship with my son, my work, my hobbies and my exit strategy from this whole mess she created.


----------



## LongWalk

She didn't say thank you for the rescue?


----------



## Doc Proditus

Nope.
Another thing - since her return she started smoking, about a 10 per day, maybe more. Her recent attempts to quit were unsuccessful


----------



## Lostinthought61

So when are you going to kick her out, she should be able to return to her place by now don't you think?


----------



## GusPolinski

Xenote said:


> So when are you going to kick her out, she should be able to return to her place by now don't you think?


No doubt. I'd be ready to kick her out over the smoking alone. :rules:

Yuck!


----------



## happyman64

Doc

Reality will hit her in 6 months.

Stay firm. She needs to see and feel consequences or she will remain a selfish person to the core.

Glad you hot away on vacation.

HM


----------



## convert

GusPolinski said:


> No doubt. I'd be ready to kick her out over the smoking alone. :rules:
> 
> Yuck!


yea bad habit

you know if you smoke after sex.... you are doing it way to fast


----------



## bandit.45

Doc Proditus said:


> Nope.
> Another thing - since her return she started smoking, about a 10 per day, maybe more. Her recent attempts to quit were unsuccessful


She has to have an outlet for all that stress. She fvcked up and she knows it. 

Are Polish women generally this prideful?


----------



## happyman64

Everything ok over there Doc?


----------



## Doc Proditus

I'm generally OK. Had a bit of a rough day. I've almost had a car crash this morning when my tire shredded and barely managed to keep control on dual carriageway. I'm still in once piece and car is intact as well.
What gets me down is that today is the 8th anniversary of my wedding. Hopefully next year I'll be celebrating the first anniversary of my divorce.
I'll feel like a free man again.


----------



## happyman64

Glad you survived.

Better days and better years are ahead.

How is your son doing?


----------



## Doc Proditus

He spends his summer holidays with grandparents in Poland. He'll be back by the end of the month. I miss him terribly.


----------



## bandit.45

You'll get through this Doc. One day at a time.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Hello friends.

I'm back after a hiatus.... I've moved out, rented an apartment and living alone.... maybe not happy but somewhat content.....
She is still in the house and will need to pay for it now. All the bills are going to her now and she'll have to start paying for them as well.
I see my son on Friday/Saturday.... it's not enough but it will have to do for now.
Divorce process continues... I've had hoped I'll be a free man by now but it takes a long time....


----------



## happyman64

Glad you are doing OK Doc.

Patience.

Life will improve.

What is your WW up to?

HM
'


----------



## Doc Proditus

Her first attempt to buy a practice fell through as the owner decided to sell to his partner on the eve of the signing the final paperwork.
She found another one and wants to buy it even more... but she's getting a loan of over 1M$ for both the practice and the building. I think that she's making a reckless decision but it's not my problem any more.
When we were still living under the same roof she would spend a lot of time reading celebrity gossip and watching motivational videos from guys like Jordan Belfort.
She forgot to renew her professional registration is unable to work as a dentist for first 3 weeks of January... she still got her savings but won't have any money coming this month...
We had a row about child support - I've told her that I'll pay what it's due and showed her the figures calculated using Child Support Agency algorithm - about 700-750$ per month - she demanded more and said that if I won't pay more I won't see my son again. I said fine, I can live with that but good luck with explaining that to our son in a few years. She did not expected that and was quiet after that.


----------



## harrybrown

has she finally stopped all contact with the OM?


----------



## Doc Proditus

Yes. When he tried contacting her she sent police after him


----------



## happyman64

What do you want Doc?

What do you think your wife wants?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Doc Proditus

What I want? I would like to have my family back... to have the trust and love that is gone forever. I am slowly gathering broken pieces and trying to put my life back together. Will I be able to create new future for myself? I don't know. Will I try to start a new family... I do not think so. I feel jaded and disillusioned.
As for her? She is unable to face the consequences of her actions. In her mind she has rewritten our whole past to make herself blameless... She goes for therapy and they tell her what she wants to hear... so she keeps coming back for more.
She thinks that she'll become a practice owner and pay the loan in few short years then she'll hire people to work for her and she can live the high life...
And I almost forgot - she wants me out of her life.

And the feeling is mutual


----------



## happyman64

The feeling of being jaded or disillusioned will dissipate over time if you work on yourself.

Clean up this mess and set some goals.

You deserve better.

Your wife sounds so entitled. She is going to end up miserable.

Work on those goals Doc.


----------



## Doc Proditus

I have set my goals, both personal and professional ones.
Some can be achieved in weeks, some in months and some will take years. I've planned my next 3 years...


----------



## happyman64

Good for you. 

I figured you had a plan since you moved out.

Your wife is nuts Doc. Sad but true.

I hope she becomes a good mother again.


----------



## Doc Proditus

Just wanted to give an update.

I have received a decree absolute few days ago. So that means I am now officially divorced.
I've sort of expected a feeling of relief, of a weight dropping from my shoulders... but all I feel is indifference.

Financially I'm doing better even despite paying generous child support. She started working longer hours and Saturdays.

My son is growing up and I wish we could spend more time together.

I wanted to thank you all... TAM helped me to put things in perspective and find my way again.


----------



## happyman64

Doc

Glad you are ok and you are moving forward. 

And don't worry. When your boy gets older he will be spending more time with you. 

HM


----------



## bandit.45

It is good to hear you are starting to rebuild your life Doc. Keep checking in once in a while.


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## Openminded

Thanks for the update. I'm glad you are doing well. 

Indifference is a wonderful feeling.


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## aine

Just read your 'story', wow you have been through so much but you have come through the other side, bigger and better things to come. Good luck


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## Remains

Impressive how you've dealt with things. Onwards and upwards!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sparrow555

What about the POSOM? did he get his due desserts?


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## just got it 55

Openminded said:


> Thanks for the update. I'm glad you are doing well.
> 
> Indifference is a wonderful feeling.


In a case of infidelity it's the Gold Standard of feelings

Best things in life for you Doc

55


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## Doc Proditus

sparrow555 said:


> What about the POSOM? did he get his due desserts?



No idea. I've moved out to a little town some 40 miles from my previous place of residence and only visit once a week to pick up my son from school on Friday.
Afaik POSOM lost his driving licence due to DUI. His plans to live off my ex were foiled so most likely he went back to plumbing or working construction.
His online activity stopped last year. I could ask one of my acquaintances to check on him but I don't want to involve bystanders. Probably the matter
will be addressed when I'll be leaving UK.


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## bandit.45

Doc Proditus said:


> No idea. I've moved out to a little town some 40 miles from my previous place of residence and only visit once a week to pick up my son from school on Friday.
> Afaik POSOM lost his driving licence due to DUI. His plans to live off my ex were foiled so most likely he went back to plumbing or working construction.
> His online activity stopped last year. I could ask one of my acquaintances to check on him but I don't want to involve bystanders. Probably the matter
> will be addressed when I'll be leaving UK.


Are you going back to Poland?


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## Doc Proditus

Not sure. I've still got a house and my mother lives there but when she'll be gone there will be nothing to keep me there. I was contacted by a dean of my university and offered teaching position in Faculty of Dentistry DDS - I would be teaching dentistry to foreign english speaking students. Not sure about it though - payment was quite generous (for Poland) but that city brings back too many memories - me and my ex both lived there and studied together.
Some of her family live there as well.
I've also had an offer for position in Royal Army Dental Corps - I would certainly enjoy a change of scenery - but pay is crap compared to what I make now and I don't fancy being deployed to Afghanistan. On the plus side I'd probably start as Major and could make Colonel in few years plus some serious range time... but I digress.
I hope to do some serious travelling during next few years. I'm thinking USA (West Coast & South), Far East (Thailand, Laos) and Europe. I can afford to take a month off and travelling solo is cheap.


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## Nucking Futs

Doc Proditus said:


> No idea. I've moved out to a little town some 40 miles from my previous place of residence and only visit once a week to pick up my son from school on Friday.
> Afaik POSOM lost his driving licence due to DUI. His plans to live off my ex were foiled so most likely he went back to plumbing or working construction.
> His online activity stopped last year. I could ask one of my acquaintances to check on him but I don't want to involve bystanders.* Probably the matter
> will be addressed when I'll be leaving UK.*


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## bandit.45

Doc Proditus said:


> I hope to do some serious travelling during next few years. I'm thinking USA (West Coast & South), Far East (Thailand, Laos) and Europe. I can afford to take a month off and travelling solo is cheap.


You know how much money dentists pull in here in the States? Holy crap....


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## Doc Proditus

bandit.45 said:


> You know how much money dentists pull in here in the States? Holy crap....


I know.... but to practice in the States I would need to move to US and leave my son behind.. and its not something I would consider.


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## just got it 55

Doc Proditus said:


> I know.... but to practice in the States I would need to move to US and leave my son behind.. and its not something I would consider.


Doc Bring him with you to Boston The Red Sox could use some help

Any chance he is a lefty?

55


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## OldWolf57

Glad you came thru Doc, and wish you all the best.
When you do the US south, don't forget to do the east coast of Fl.


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## Doc Proditus

just got it 55 said:


> Doc Bring him with you to Boston The Red Sox could use some help
> 
> Any chance he is a lefty?
> 
> 55


He is left handed 



OldWolf57 said:


> When you do the US south, don't forget to do the east coast of Fl.


2 years ago I've visited Miami and Key West. Fried gator tastes good


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## sparrow555

Did your wife at any point show any remorse ?


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## bandit.45

What is with Eastern European women Doc? 

I have had two friends so far who married EU women and both marriages failed. 

One guy married a gal from Estonia and things were going great..she even got her US citizenship. One day, out of the blue, he came home and she was gone. She called him two days later to tell him she was back in Tallinn and was never coming back. No reasons given, she just didn't want to be his wife anymore. It took him two years to get a divorce due to abandonment. 

Second friend married a gal from Romania. Gorgeous woman. Absolutely smoking hot. They were married for nearly ten years, two kids, and one day she told him that he did not make enough money for her. She dumped him cold and married an Arab guy who lives in Chicago . Totally devastated him. Her OM paid for a high dollar lawyer, she fvcked him in court, took their kids with her and now he only gets to see his kids once a year or so.


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## Doc Proditus

sparrow555 said:


> Did your wife at any point show any remorse ?


None to this day.


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