# What can I do to get my wife to show affection?



## junior923 (Jul 24, 2010)

Thank You all for taking the time to read this and giving some much needed advise.....

My wife and I have been married for going on 5 years. We have been together for over 10. We have a beautiful 3 year old daughter who is absolutely wonderful. We have been going through a phase for I would say about 4 years now. I am a very affectionate person and need this in return. The problem I have is it seams my wife has none for me. I have tried many different things and have spoke with her about this. Sex is out of the question. Maybe I need this way to much but I dont know. We have sex maybe once a month if I am lucky. This however does not bother me as much as the affection. I very rarely get a kiss, or hug unless I come to her. There is no flirting at all without me being told to stop. She seams to be always tired or not feeling well. I have been told if I help her out a little more then maybe she would show more affection. This is absolutely rediculous in my eyes and does not work either. (I have tried). Could anyone help me out and tell me if there is something I can do, or is this marriage going down hill??


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I would guess you married someone with vastly different Love Languages. Yours is definetly physical touch and hers is definetly not. Which can cause alot of heartache & pain when your needs are not being met. It is something to explore anyway. 

Here is a thread I started a while back, it has a link on it for the book, an online test to see what percentages you may be- to help understand yourself. Also try to get her to take the test too to see her percentages. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-languages-how-does-affect-your-marraige.html


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

It took one post for the "love languages" to be suggested. :rofl: 

My advice to you is to get your confidence back. Stop relying on her for your happiness. Pick back up the hobby that you gave up to spend more time at home. Hit the gym, start running. Stop chasing, take your control happiness back. Determine what type of affection/Sexual fulfillment you expect in the marriage. Once you've figured out what your needs are, inform your wife. Don't pout or yell when you talk to your wife about it. Don't argue about why you need it. Just let her know your expectations. As for her needs, let her know you would love her to express to you her needs and that you will make every effort to meet them. Let her know that you aren't a mind reader so "I don't know" does not help you and you won't play guessing names. Good luck.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Have you gone to the marriage builders site and filled out the love busters questionnaire?




junior923 said:


> Thank You all for taking the time to read this and giving some much needed advise.....
> 
> My wife and I have been married for going on 5 years. We have been together for over 10. We have a beautiful 3 year old daughter who is absolutely wonderful. We have been going through a phase for I would say about 4 years now. I am a very affectionate person and need this in return. The problem I have is it seams my wife has none for me. I have tried many different things and have spoke with her about this. Sex is out of the question. Maybe I need this way to much but I dont know. We have sex maybe once a month if I am lucky. This however does not bother me as much as the affection. I very rarely get a kiss, or hug unless I come to her. There is no flirting at all without me being told to stop. She seams to be always tired or not feeling well. I have been told if I help her out a little more then maybe she would show more affection. This is absolutely rediculous in my eyes and does not work either. (I have tried). Could anyone help me out and tell me if there is something I can do, or is this marriage going down hill??


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## midforties (Jan 10, 2012)

Sounds similar to my situation. Is she depressed? A lack of self-esteem or confidence may make her seem cold and withdrawn, especially if she's one of those that has to work it out on their own.


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