# Why is there positive changes when you're halfway out the door??



## 123Freedom (Jun 14, 2011)

I've been together with my husband for 11 years - married for half of that. We have two kids together.
We have always had battles and struggles.. I stayed at home when we had kids and he wanted to support the family. Though he refused to "share" his money and if I need gas for the car or to go get milk or take kids to any activities, I had to check in with him and ask for money. The entire time! When I said I wanted to split, he finally gave me some "allowence".
So over the year, of being fed up with not being heard, respected or validated from him, I am done. I have no more to give. I gave up cooking, cleaning etc. I have been depressed for quite some time but I am able to be loving and caring and a great mom to my kids. 
I have communicated with H on this topic and it has been ongoing for a year + now. I won't go into details this will get way to long!
BUT I have a problem. He won't give up. He claims he is here now to try to be a part of our family. He is FINALLY doing stuff around the house, trying to be interested in me, desperate to make this work. He has been "trying "for a couple months and I KNOW it's not working. It's nice but deep down, I know it's done. He threatens when is say our relationship isn't working by saying I need to go find a full time job and move out bc he wants it to work so he's not leaving or giving up. As soon as he thinks we are good - he goes back into his old ways and then I snap again and he tries again. It's BS!
I'm going through a very angry stage and I stll want to take care of my kids until they are in school. 
But I need my freedom and space which I have never gotten from him. 
What do I do??


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

Why are there positive changes when you're halfway out the door? Because there's always that chance that you might actually do it!

I think deep down you know that yourself but have been afraid to do it. But if this keeps up, there won't be any changes because he knows you're bluffing!

From the sound of it, it's he that wants you to move out? Quote "He threatens when is say our relationship isn't working by saying I need to go find a full time job and move out bc he wants it to work so he's not leaving or giving up." Unquote.

You just might want to go and find that job. At least you will have that security of knowing that you will be OK if things go badly and you wind up separated or even divorced.

Also, think about how you WON'T have to go ask him for money when you need gas for the car or buy a little something for yourself. Wouldn't that be a nice feeling? :smthumbup:

That may also give him a reality check in that maybe you're taking the first step in being INDEPENDENT and actually going through with moving out.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

For the same reason that most people with heart problems don't get serious about taking care of themselves until after their first heart attack.


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