# Slow dancing at a company function



## northwing (Apr 23, 2015)

Maybe it's a generational thing? Let's put aside the fact that my husband joined a couple of dating sites in the last two years. You' share with your new therapist this slow dance tidbit along with the other details of your relationship that have led you to therapy. 

Scenario: You attend your husbands office holiday party and slow dance with your husband. As you exit the dance floor the much whispered about office ho approaches your husband and asks him to slow dance with her now (she's wearing a tube dress and fishnets - not sure if this variable changes the outcome of my survey). 

Your husband should-

a) fake a nose bleed and leave the dance floor and any potential office rumors behind.
b) wrap his arms around said office ho and slowly move to the beat of (insert any Luther Vandross song here).

c) tell the office ho your timing is a bit off* (*see explanation below).

* my new therapist said she did not see the harm in a company employee slow dance, perhaps I was reacting to the timing of the request - shortly after finding my husband making a profile on a dating site. 

You the patient think -

a) if office ho had asked to slow dance with my husband prior to his dating site visit (*better timing), I'd have sat at the table and watched them with a smile.

b) well this is awkward for me so I'll grab my stuff and the keys to the car and leave and allow my husband to say good bye awkwardly on his own and find his own way home.

c) I need a new therapist.


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## northwing (Apr 23, 2015)

By the way...me the patient chose B. and C. Because he chose B.


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## tenac (Jun 3, 2015)

If your husband has a profile on a dating site, then who he dances with at a company function is the least of your worries.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

C! C! C! C! C!

You should have seen my face just at your TITLE of this post, before I even opened it!!!!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Why do you want to be married to this man who has no regard for marital boundaries or your feelings?

As for company social events, I was very happy to slow dance with my SO at her last Christmas party. It's fun for couples and singles alike, just never the twain should meet.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

He joined dating sites two years ago and you are still going to office functions? Why would you be surprised that he slow danced with a tramp in a tube dress? 

There is obviously a lot of detail missing that might explain why on earth you are still with someone who thinks dating while married is OK.


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## Kitt (Jun 3, 2015)

Yep, you need a new therapist....and a new husband....dating profiles in marriage is cheating IMHO.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You need a new therapist.

I would have smiled my best panty dropping smile in my arsenal and told her I already had my dance card filled as I took my wife's hand and sat down looking into her eyes seductively.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kitt (Jun 3, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> You need a new therapist.
> 
> I would have smiled my best panty dropping smile in my arsenal and told her I already had my dance card filled as I took my wife's hand and sat down looking into her eyes seductively.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oooooh, la la. Nice. I like that reply.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Unless she's dying and needs rescue breathing, touching a female coworker any time for any reason doesn't tend to be career enhancing or marriage enhancing. I would especially avoid one who looks and acts like a hoochie mama. The rumor mill doesn't need my assistance.


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## tenac (Jun 3, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> You need a new therapist.


You need a new husband not a new therapist


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

northwing said:


> a) if office ho had asked to slow dance with my husband prior to his dating site visit (*better timing), I'd have sat at the table and watched them with a smile.


I'm confused as to why this wouldn't have bothered you before the dating profiles. I can't imagine watching my husband slow dancing with another woman, other than perhaps his mother at our wedding or something like that. Very confusing.

(My husband would have fun off the floor and hid behind me and said "save me from the office ho, she's after me!"...to which I would have approached her and said "sorry we have a no dancing with ho's except each other rule").


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> I'm confused as to why this wouldn't have bothered you before the dating profiles. I can't imagine watching my husband slow dancing with another woman, other than perhaps his mother at our wedding or something like that. Very confusing.
> 
> (My husband would have fun off the floor and hid behind me and said "save me from the office ho, she's after me!"...to which *I would have approached her and said "sorry we have a no dancing with ho's except each other rule*").


LOL. I'd pay good money to see that.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

Slow dancing is so sensual IMO. I would be livid if my husband did that with another woman.


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## tenac (Jun 3, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> "sorry we have a no dancing with ho's except each other rule").


I get the no dancing with ho's part but I don't get except each other part.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

tenac said:


> I get the no dancing with ho's part but I don't get except each other part.


Cuz we're both ho's.


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## northwing (Apr 23, 2015)

originally he came to me and told me he was suspicious of me and "checked" match since pop ups for match were continuously appearing. That got us to MC round #1. Second dating site was AM 6 months ago, same excuse. He was suspicious of me. For the life of me I don't know why I went. 

If you could hear his pleading and the MC#2's concerns for his mental well being - and for better or worse - who leaves a person who is not mentally well? 

Id really like to take a leave of absence from common sense, decency and mental capacity as well - but one of us needs to hold things together. But how I fantasize about just going bonkers for the day - no ramifications. 

And I need to hear you give it to me. Shake me hard...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

So did he or didn't he actually put up profiles? And if he did, he is still maintaining that he was just trying to catch YOU doing the same thing?


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## tenac (Jun 3, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Cuz we're both ho's.


I sort of figured that but then it weakens the insult because you're including yourself.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

northwing said:


> c) I need a new therapist.


 Ding, ding, we have winner. It is not OK for a married person to slow dance with the office HO at a company party.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

tenac said:


> I sort of figured that but then it weakens the insult because you're including yourself.


I'm not insulted, I'm a proud ho.

The office ho betta get back, yo.


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## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

northwing said:


> If you could hear his pleading and the MC#2's concerns for his mental well being - and for better or worse - who leaves a person who is not mentally well?


I did. And I never lost a day of sleep over it. And your therapist sounds like a complete idiot.

DPR


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## northwing (Apr 23, 2015)

It's such a long crazy story you would wind up banging your head into glass after the second chapter. Broken glass. he came to me first time and said my newly divorced friend had my pic on her match profile. group photo - well we looked good. But she didn't tell me about it. He woke me at 1:30 yelling about his find. I had been online while he was at a work function and I deleted browser history (I was doing a cloud search of his phone to see if he had left, I was worried but also worried he'd think me the paranoid mistrusting person he is). There is more to add right here as I recently found the email he used to open this account (waiting for phone records to arrive we requested from 2 years prior to see if he did open account same night he came home from work function). That prompted MC1. Ready for that glass yet?

6 months ago I found a text about a hotel room. Next came a few lies and also admission he joined another site but left out details I later uncovered. Said he saw a woman on AM was sure was me. MC round 2. holiday party was same week. Maybe I wanted to see how he reacted around people. I got my answer? MC round 2 recommended he take meds. he took them for 3 whole days.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ok yes, then I agree...new husband AND new therapist.

Sorry honey, doesn't sound too good.


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## tenac (Jun 3, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> I'm not insulted, I'm a proud ho.
> 
> The office ho betta get back, yo.


Does your husband know this?


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## northwing (Apr 23, 2015)

After he told me about first profile he already deleted it supposedly after he got the pic of me off my friends match. Two days ago I found the email associated with his match. I know date and time he set it up. Read his profile ("separated and ready to move on...how much do I need to type in this space?"). I also saw he had clicked on the email see your 6 matches! After that he never opened anymore emails from match but they still come to that email. The account appears to be empty or no activity. 

Second dating site (AM) he admitted after I found a text about a hotel "some guy I chatted with about the girl I thought was you told me the hotel he went to and the room #". Okay men on here...you'd maybe remember a lot from a fun night but do you recall hotel room #s from your recent past??? 

He showed me the one profile (had deleted all the chats and Anythjng else). Later I discovered a credit card charge for another. Everything was deleted except his profile name "positively bored". Delete delete delete .


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The office ho is the bait typically used to capture people in the sexual harassment trap. An intelligent employee doesn't defecate where they eat.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

tenac said:


> I get the no dancing with ho's part but I don't get except each other part.


She was playfully implying that she and her husband are both "hos"... but only w/ each other.

ETA: @tenac, where's the "acious d"?


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## tenac (Jun 3, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> where's the "acious d"?


I don't understand.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

tenac said:


> I don't understand.


It's a movie reference...

Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny (2006) - IMDb

Tenac Ious D Photo by chaizuk | Photobucket


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## tenac (Jun 3, 2015)

Never saw those.


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## northwing (Apr 23, 2015)

I appreciate the funny ho couple reference - they only have ho eyes for each other. But how many therapists must I go thro im beginning to wonder.


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## tenac (Jun 3, 2015)

northwing said:


> I appreciate the funny ho couple reference - they only have ho eyes for each other. But how many therapists must I go thro im beginning to wonder.


There are many bad therapists not so many good ones.

You keep going until you find a good one.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

northwing said:


> I appreciate the funny ho couple reference - they only have ho eyes for each other. But how many therapists must I go thro im beginning to wonder.


At least one more, it would seem.

Sorry.


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## northwing (Apr 23, 2015)

The one before that wanted me to be an alcoholic. I almost hated to disappoint him.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

tenac said:


> Does your husband know this?


Of course! We met at webeho's.com








(not really...we're just both sl*ts, not ho's)


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

northwing said:


> After he told me about first profile he already deleted it supposedly after he got the pic of me off my friends match. Two days ago I found the email associated with his match. I know date and time he set it up. Read his profile ("separated and ready to move on...how much do I need to type in this space?"). I also saw he had clicked on the email see your 6 matches! After that he never opened anymore emails from match but they still come to that email. The account appears to be empty or no activity.
> 
> Second dating site (AM) he admitted after I found a text about a hotel "some guy I chatted with about the girl I thought was you told me the hotel he went to and the room #". Okay men on here...you'd maybe remember a lot from a fun night but do you recall hotel room #s from your recent past???
> 
> He showed me the one profile (had deleted all the chats and Anythjng else). Later I discovered a credit card charge for another. Everything was deleted except his profile name "positively bored". Delete delete delete .


He's lying about all of it. As I'm sure you know. 

That's gotta hurt. :frown2:

What is your plan? If he's not even going to admit he did this lookin' for some strange, how can you move forward at all? It would be different if he was forthcoming about it and ready to repent.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

northwing said:


> I appreciate the funny ho couple reference - they only have ho eyes for each other. But how many therapists must I go thro im beginning to wonder.


I assume you mean MC.

What you really need is IC, to help you deal with this stuff.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

northwing said:


> The one before that wanted me to be an alcoholic. I almost hated to disappoint him.


Okay, that made me LOL.


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## northwing (Apr 23, 2015)

Did MC twice. I put it on hold second time when I found hotel room. MC talked to both of us alone and I said I'm putting MC on hold till after holidays. She sent him a text (he texted her he would like to speak with her) and she said she did not feel she could be of service to him any longer and wished him well. At this point I was reading all his texts, he was upset about her dumping him but he quicky found a new one. 

He's been in IC for 6 months. I unload on my close friends and favorite cat. I'm thjnking of getting 3 more cats - it feels like my boat is heading that way. 

I have gone through two IC's. First one was the "how big is that glass of wine you have before bed??"....person. ANd the new one looks to be about 12 and thinks the slow dance with the office ho was an error in timing.


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## northwing (Apr 23, 2015)

BTW office ho was informed she needed to find another job and was given a great letter of recommendation - 2 Months ago. He didn't tell me the news until he informed me we were invited to a charity event honoring his boss. I made some snide remark about him and ho to which he replied she's no longer with company. Really! It never came up??


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## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

northwing said:


> ANd the new one looks to be about 12 and thinks the slow dance with the office ho was an error in timing.


Well, it was. It should have happened in an alternate timeline where you weren't married to this guy... 

DPR


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## northwing (Apr 23, 2015)

my status is filing for separation agreement. He has been pleading with me to reconsider, also he does not intend on taking off his ring or seeing anyone he assures me since we Are catholic and wants to know my plans in this area. Keeps saying he was not physically or emotionally involved with anyone, it was bad judgement. oh and the picture of his Johnson and those 30 selfies I retrieved with fone rescue? it was stupid and a mistake but I didn't do anything with them I swear. it was a thought that went nowhere utterly stupid and immature. Ahhhhhh....


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

What do you want? He isn't ready for commitment much less marriage.

Do you want to take the time and effort to work with him until he is?

He may never get there. Then again, in a couple years, who knows?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

northwing said:


> originally he came to me and told me he was suspicious of me and "checked" match since pop ups for match were continuously appearing. That got us to MC round #1. Second dating site was AM 6 months ago, same excuse. He was suspicious of me. For the life of me I don't know why I went.
> 
> If you could hear his pleading and the MC#2's concerns for his mental well being - and for better or worse - who leaves a person who is not mentally well?
> 
> ...


Sounds like he is deflecting his guilt onto you, maybe he has already cheated. Any man signing up to a dating website should not be married, nor slow dancing with other women.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Bottom line: he's a betrayer and has long since left you in his mind.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

"OK darling....just take this poly to proove your not a lying, cheating POS.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

northwing said:


> my status is filing for separation agreement. He has been pleading with me to reconsider....


Let him plead. You give in, you lose. He has to KNOW you mean it. Anything else is a waste of time.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

New therapist. That is NOT normal office behavior unless spouses are always welcome. YOU shouldn't have had to do ANYTHING because in light of what has been happening between you two he should be extra sensitive to these situations and should have politely declined with whatever came to mind "Thanks, I'm sitting this one out" "Thanks, but this dance is taken" (as he extends hand to you) or simply "Sorry, all of my dances are reserved for my wife". HE should not have accepted. If he felt it was important because she didn't have a date or would somehow reflect badly on his career, he should keep several inches of distance between their bodies with one hand on her waist and one hold her hand out waltz style, not held her hug-style.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

tenac said:


> You need a new husband not a new therapist


The marriage is damaged and the therapist says it is okay? No, both need to be replaced.


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## northwing (Apr 23, 2015)

it amazes me how often I need to relive it all and hear people say "well that's an obvious POS mess." Where did he go? Why? I may never know and I'm almost done mourning. The other morning after getting my daughter off to school and myself off to work I wore a piece of fruit roll up on my shoulder as my reward banner. Earlier He told me I was always sick because I was negative and that was my karma. The fruit roll up I crushed in my fist and let land where it may - my reward for not hurling a glass of OJ at his mouth.


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