# Advice on women



## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

hey guys. Been a while i hope your all doing really well. Im doing great. Changed my life around alot. Attitude mentality. Its all alot better and im happy.

Leads me to the question. Im not embarassed by it i really don't know much about women. My old girl we were never really an item and as i moved past it i realised i gave it more meaning than it was. So im over that. I got my self again. The funny kool guy with the great personality confidence everything. The guy thats really fun and good to be around.

Getting that back made things good i get alot of attention from women i communicate on such a different level. Its great really. Im a tall good looking guy so my problem is all the other things.

I never been on a date. Never had sex. Didn't go out alot and stuff like that i socialsed mainly in work and the few times ive been out. Im not shy or anything. Just very inexperienced and new to it all. So guess im pretty much asking for whatever advice you can give me on women. I posted here but ofc i want input from the ladies as well. Thanks alot guys.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

2inthemorning said:


> hey guys. Been a while i hope your all doing really well. Im doing great. Changed my life around alot. Attitude mentality. Its all alot better and im happy.
> 
> Leads me to the question. Im not embarassed by it i really don't know much about women. My old girl we were never really an item and as i moved past it i realised i gave it more meaning than it was. So im over that. I got my self again. The funny kool guy with the great personality confidence everything. The guy thats really fun and good to be around.
> 
> ...


You know when you meet your male friends and you talk about what you plan to do at the weekend,what music you were listening to or what tv show you were watching or what video game you were playing,and maybe you arrange to go for a beer or for a coffee.
Well, you talk to girls like that too.
Don't push the sex if your inexperienced,take it slowly.Dont latch on to the first girl you date,take it easy and have a few coffee dates or go for a walk.Just put yourself in situations where you meet women on a casual basis.Join meetup.com.It's not a dating site it's for people to do things together,hiking,photography etc.
You are a single,good looking guy who unfortunately picked a bad first girlfriend,when you get your confidence back you will be fighting the girls off.


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## UnluckyOne (May 2, 2017)

Never fall for the common traps most men fall for. If she's to good to be true she's to good to be true. Unless you date her for a long time and know her in and out never ever judge a book by it's cover. Me included most fall for the first few dates and start planning how many years they will be together.

As Andy said with great advice "take it easy" and don't rush. The more you interact and hang out the easier it is. 


Good luck !


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

2inthemorning said:


> hey guys. Been a while i hope your all doing really well. Im doing great. Changed my life around alot. Attitude mentality. Its all alot better and im happy.
> 
> Leads me to the question. Im not embarassed by it i really don't know much about women. My old girl we were never really an item and as i moved past it i realised i gave it more meaning than it was. So im over that. I got my self again. The funny kool guy with the great personality confidence everything. The guy thats really fun and good to be around.
> 
> ...


I thought you were joining the police force.What happened there,and are you having treatment for your depression.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I think you should post a profile on a dating site (or two) and go out with a couple of different women every week, push your comfort zone. I'm not talking about trying to get laid I'm talking about exposing yourself to different experiences. Right now you are in the learning stage of life and relationships, every woman you go out with will be different, different personalities, different experiences, different life goals, etc. The more exposure you have to all those differences help you develop confidence in yourself and help you understand exactly what kind of woman is best suited for you. Ask a lot of questions, people are naturally guarded on a first date, the more questions you ask the more relaxed your dates will become and you will learn the skill of good conversation. 

I would bet in your mind you have the perfect woman planned out, shape, style, personality, all that, and that's OK, we all envision our perfect match. But life will surprise you, I have met women that at first glance I had no interest in, but then we spend some time together and suddenly I realize I don't want the evening to end! 

Women are a great thing my friend, don't approach every woman wondering if you will marry her, approach her as a person who may add some fun and experiences to your life. 

One last thing...be honest! Don't pretend you've had girlfriends or long term relationships, just say you've been a slow starter.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> You know when you meet your male friends and you talk about what you plan to do at the weekend,what music you were listening to or what tv show you were watching or what video game you were playing,and maybe you arrange to go for a beer or for a coffee.
> Well, you talk to girls like that too.


Even more important than being able to talk comfortably is being able to listen attentively. Don't make it about you... show interest in her first. Of course, balance is necessary for a relationship, but be prepared to listen more than talk as you get your foot in the door.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Even more important than being able to talk comfortably is being able to listen attentively. Don't make it about you... show interest in her first. Of course, balance is necessary for a relationship, but be prepared to listen more than talk as you get your foot in the door.


Oh yeah you have to listen.
Or else you will hear all about it.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> Oh yeah you have to listen.
> Or else you will hear all about it.


:lol::rofl:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

2inthemorning said:


> hey guys. Been a while i hope your all doing really well. Im doing great. Changed my life around alot. Attitude mentality. Its all alot better and im happy.
> 
> Leads me to the question. Im not embarassed by it i really don't know much about women. My old girl we were never really an item and as i moved past it i realised i gave it more meaning than it was. So im over that. I got my self again. The funny kool guy with the great personality confidence everything. The guy thats really fun and good to be around.
> 
> ...


*Two: The very best advise that this old fart could ever offer to a young man much like yourself is simply for you to "be yourself!"

Don't put on aires or ever convey something that is in any way untrue!

Show your confident and merry side! Not every woman may fall head over heels about you, but in time several will! Dating is not preemptively about going out and finding "the one"; it's more about your journey in finding "the one" who in your heart will come to alter the sheer vortexes of time! When you find her, at that same instant, she'll likely know that she has "found you!"

Enjoy the journey, my friend! How I wish I were in your shoes again!*


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

The universal language :grin2:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> The universal language :grin2:


*Ellis: I can see that my RSXW has been leaving "free samples" over around your house!

A word of warning: Nothing that my RSXW ever leaves lying around is ever deemed to be "free!"

Unless, of course, you're fast asleep and have your drawers pulled down around your ankles!*


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Believe it or not, without experience, you may not actually know what you want in women. You may think you know, but I'd challenge that your tastes will change over time, through experience.

My advice is to keep your options open. Date awhile and stay casual before getting serious with any girl. Time is on your side. No reason to rush anything. Good luck!


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> I thought you were joining the police force.What happened there,and are you having treatment for your depression.


Yeah I'm still doing that. Been really successful with everything i only have the polygraph test to do and I'm in.

I just let go of everything man. I been through alot and the biggest mistake I made was thinking I'd be fine when i really needed some time to come with everything that had happened. So I took it for what it was and I'm okay now.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

2inthemorning said:


> Yeah I'm still doing that. Been really successful with everything i only have the polygraph test to do and I'm in.
> 
> I just let go of everything man. I been through alot and the biggest mistake I made was thinking I'd be fine when i really needed some time to come with everything that had happened. So I took it for what it was and I'm okay now.


Look Buddy,you fell for someone who wasnt who she pretended to be,it has happened to millions of guys before you.Dont let it prevent you going out and having a blast.Nobody who loves someone like you loved your ex can just get over it,it takes time and you have plenty of time.
Do not make the same mistake again though,Don't think that the first girl you meet is the future Mrs 2inthemorning,but don't think that every girl will treat you as badly as your ex.
You say you have never been on a date but have no difficulty communicating with girls.Try and get talking to girls,take up some activities that men and women take part in.A lot of places have hiking clubs and you must be fairly fit if you passed the medical for the cops.Don't be an ******* either,if you have a date and it goes well call your date the next day and tell her how much you enjoyed her company and the date,ask her would she like to meet up again but if she says no just say ok and wish her well.
One more thing.When you get your uniform you will be fighting girls off but always remember Andy's first rule of dating.
No ****ing nurses!!!😀😀😀


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Someone suggested that you put your profile on some dating sites.


I also think it would help you to check out We are what we do | Meetup It's not a dating site. It's a site where people post meetups, or things to do. For example here where are live there are literally 100's of meetups. They are things like meetups to go kayaking, hiking, book groups, going out to dinner as a group, bike touring, artists, gardeners, and on and on. What I like about them is that both men and women join these meetups. So you meet people without the pressure of a dating situation. Plus you can do things that you enjoy.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

The best advice I can give is this: What you see is not what you'll get.

A woman will do what she can to get you to notice her and take interest in her. She'll tell you what you want to hear, say all the right things, do all the right things and look great all the time to get you to commit to her. When you do that, that's when everything changes.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> A woman will do what she can to get you to notice her and take interest in her. She'll tell you what you want to hear, say all the right things, do all the right things and look great all the time to get you to commit to her. When you do that, that's when everything changes.


I think men are just as capable of this. Women are by no means the only ones capable of deceit. 

This post (to me) notes the importance of seeking transparency in relationships. If everyone was transparent when dating, there would be a lot less unhappy marriages.

To spin this into some advice: Be transparent with women, and demand transparency from them. Act off the trend of a woman's behavior, before you would your own assumptions about her, or equivalently, what she says.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

_anonymous_ said:


> I think men are just as capable of this. Women are by no means the only ones capable of deceit.
> 
> This post (to me) notes the importance of seeking transparency in relationships. If everyone was transparent when dating, there would be a lot less unhappy marriages.
> 
> To spin this into some advice: Be transparent with women, and demand transparency from them. Act off the trend of a woman's behavior, before you would your own assumptions about her, or equivalently, what she says.


But that was the whole intent of my post, some women aren't going to be transparent and you need to protect yourself from those who aren't.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

_anonymous_ said:


> I think men are just as capable of this. Women are by no means the only ones capable of deceit.
> 
> This post (to me) notes the importance of seeking transparency in relationships. If everyone was transparent when dating, there would be a lot less unhappy marriages.
> 
> To spin this into some advice: Be transparent with women, and demand transparency from them. Act off the trend of a woman's behavior, before you would your own assumptions about her, or equivalently, what she says.


When I was younger I never thought I would ever settle for one woman,I was having too much fun.I was given this piece of advice by someone who I really trusted.She told me if I ever found a woman to love to check out how she treated her father and how she spoke about him.Now the strange thing was she said that any girl who treated her father well would usually make a good wife.But any girl who sung her fathers praises wouldn't.It kinda puzzled me then but the older I get the more I see she was right.
Judge people by what they do not what they say.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> But that was the whole intent of my post, some women aren't going to be transparent and you need to protect yourself from those who aren't.


I realize that. I just felt that your mention of women telling guys anything to get a ring on their fingers was related to your particular experience (nothing wrong with that, but felt an expansion was needed for OP); my thought was that deceit could go both ways, and the key point (in my opinion) of your post was the importance of transparency in relationships. 

The flipside of that for OP (since after all, he can control his behavior) is being sure to maintain transparency as he puts himself out there. If he wants casual relationships, he should assert that. If he later wants a long-term relationship, he should assert that. Hopefully the girls he dates will reciprocate his transparency.

To your original point, it's so hard to know if people are being genuine or not. Given this, I think that what people do over time is a better proxy for their real state of being, rather than assumptions about them or what that person says. My mistake when getting married was just this: relying too much on what my wife said, or making assumptions that she wanted what I wanted.


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