# 1 Year into Seperation



## vinnir (Apr 28, 2011)

Hi,

My History

As the year draws to a close she is now in NZ and has been for the past 6/7months. The active communication between us (without me initiating) is almost zero but we have had four or five good general chats on Skype/Long distance calls. 

I have been reading about doing the 180 and No More Mr Nice Guy and a lot of it did identify weaknesses and traits that I had. I have resolved to rid myself of these and focus on being all I can be - physically/mentally/workwise/etc and have taken out the day to have quiet reflective time on where I need to be. Whilst I have got a very good idea on the level of work and the work required to achieve the goals in other areas of my life with my separated wife I am so conflicted - todo a 180 and totally shut down or turn it up a gear to get her back. By turn it up a gear I mean take on her family - Mom and Aunts and say that we all need to talk about this and stop *****-footing about everything else. They were in touch with me for papers/etc that she required and now that they have received them they are totally silent. They never got us together but immediately took the view that she should be with them (emigrate) and not actually sit with us to resolve our marital issues. My confusion stems from the fact that I am 1. Not certain it will work and get the whole thing flushed into the public domain 2. If I am doing it out of anger/bitterness.

She did call to wish me Merry Christmas/Happy New Year her first call to me in over 7 weeks but she was nice on both calls. I do not know how the 180 will impact on what may be a line of communication opening - or is it? I am still in love with her but am accepting that I may have to go on without her (my head talking) my heart says no. I have crystallized everything else I want to achieve this year but with her it is just an enigma but I do not want to just play it by ear and be her puppy dog/plan b. Any ideas besides my confusion?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's been a year and nothing is getting better.

What do you want from this? She is living her own life, throwing you crumbs to keep you around for a while.

I would be filing divorce...but that's just me. Life is too short for this mess.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

that_girl said:


> It's been a year and nothing is getting better.
> 
> What do you want from this? She is living her own life, throwing you crumbs to keep you around for a while.
> 
> I would be filing divorce...but that's just me. Life is too short for this mess.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## vinnir (Apr 28, 2011)

Hi,

The thing is I do not want a divorce and want to fight it through with the whole family as I feel that is the blocking force.

I do totally get what you saying and I think it is the next step because I think after I speak to the entire family after that there is nothing left to try. I have taken what you have said to heart as hard as it was to read it is what I needed, and if I understand you correctly I should not pursue this any further?
_________________________________________________________________________________
EDIT

After much thought I have decided to do nothing and have no contact initiated by myself for the next 3 weeks whilst I focus on my personal mission statement and goals. This was I think I will be in a better place to make a decision and not likely to be thrown off my goals/mission.

Thank you for your replies


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

It will be a year on the 30th as well and my story is similar to yours. If you are not ready to file, then don't. Do what you feel is right for yourself. I think concentrating on yourself is a very good idea. Have hope.....others have reconciled after a year and a half or two years. 

Take care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vinnir (Apr 28, 2011)

Hi,

Thank you and it is what I am doing as I am not ready to throw in the towel as I feel it is like giving up and something in me refuses. Maybe it is my thick skull 

I did email her and mention that a scene in a movie I had watched reminded me of her and her reply was 

"_I couldn't understand why that memory popped into my head the other day lol now I know why - glad we seem to be 'connecting' again ... will explain more tomorrow ... will be online from 07:00 am my time.

Enjoy your day and take care till then_."

We did not manage to chat as I had no link (joys of Africa). Now although no-one can be in her head the quotation marks around connecting do have me in a tizz - are they sarcastic or implying the connection is not genuine - please help someone from Mars  with yr views/opinions.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

That's a good start.....did her reply back happen after you had no contact with her for awhile?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vinnir (Apr 28, 2011)

Hi,

Her reply was after a month of no communication so not too long.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

That's interesting as I've been trying the same no communication approach too and just started seeing a bit of response from my husband after a month. I'm going to keep it up and see where it goes....my other approaches including begging and pleading weren't working all year. 

Keep me posted. Remember to try and do nice things for yourself as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KenCasanova (Jan 3, 2012)

Stay strong brother!

but as some have said ITT, it's been a year and nothing has changed for you ,move on imo


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