# HR- to tell or not to tell



## GuacaColey (Sep 19, 2017)

Let’s say there’s this couple that are physically separated but the husband believes that he and his wife are working at marriage reconciliation while he lives outside the home. 

Let’s say she allows her married boyfriend to move into the home while her and his wife are also physically, but not legally separated. They are doing this under the guise of being “good platonic friends” and roommates.

Let’s say both cheaters work together in the same department that highly discourages relationships among employees.

Do you tell their HR? Can you get in trouble for doing so? 



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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Slip a note under the HR office door after hours. Carry on.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

What would be the purpose of, and desired outcome of telling HR?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Expose to the clueless betrayed spouses first.

Though how an OM could move in with a BH’s WW without the BH knowing — even if they are physically separated — is beyond me.

And, assuming the BH knows OM’s identity, the idea that he wouldn’t insist that his WW get another job in order to even _consider_ reconciliation is just stupid.

That said, a lot of people are really stupid.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

rather, i would make the unknowing husband aware of this situation and let HIM tell HR of the shannigens.

not sure that you would get in trouble, unless you worked for same company and were accused of filing an unfounded complaint.
but i wouldn't advise getting involved directly. let the husband know what's going on and let him take action directly.

oh yah, and make sure you are sure of what you're seeing.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Let the 2 betrayed spouses know and leave it to them to tell HR if they choose to.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

The morality of the situation aside, it's not your duty to run to HR. You may feel obligated to tell one or more of the people directly involved what you know, but do you really want to become the Morality Police for your company?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Are relationships "discouraged" or "forbidden" by company rules. 

A lot depends on the culture at your company, but many places you will not make any friends by going to HR on this. 

If it were a case of harassment etc, it would be very different, but this seems like two consenting adults. From the sound of it the marriage is doomed anyway.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Like it has been said, go to the person that's being affected by this, your friend and give up the info for him to use as he chooses The only way I would take this on myself is if it was a boss-employee relationship, not peer to peer.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I’m wondering if the two betrayed spouses know why they are really having marital problems and why they’re really separated.

Be a good person and clue them in. Anonymously if you would rather do it that way.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I wouldn't say anything unless it affected what was going on at the workplace. And even then, I probably wouldn't say anything unless it affected me in some way. If they're hooking up at work, eventually it'll be discovered anyway.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

If you are one of the spouses, then tell HR if you want. If you are not one of the betrayed, then get back to your own work and mind your own business.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Tell HR, do the world a favor.

Your employment contract may require you to do so anyway as you may have a fiduciary responsibility towards the company.

Henry Ford used to fire executives who had affairs reasoning that someone who cheated on his wife would be much more likely to be dishonest in business take kickbacks from suppliers and etc.

Tamat


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

What would be the point/end goal of telling HR?


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Rarely is it in the employee's interest to bring a problem to HR. Often, the employee will be looked at as a troublemaker. If you feel the need to report it, make sure you do it in a totally anonymous way that cannot be traced back to you. (e.g. send a letter rather than use their website)


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

This story is very odd so both couples are married but living apart?

I don't care how good the wife's friend is why would you let him move into the house? Wouldn't the fact that the friend is separated raise a red flag?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

It's very unlikely that a company would have a policy against employees dating/co-habituating (married or not), other than if one of them had supervisory authority over the other. If that's the case, then yes, tell HR. If not, don't bother. You shouldn't get "in trouble", but you could quickly develop a reputation for minding other employees' business and creating drama.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

TAMAT said:


> Tell HR, do the world a favor.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Most banks subscribe to this philosophy as well. 


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Of course you should. Expose far and wide. We still do live in a consequence when we do wrong world, though it may not last much longer.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

TAMAT said:


> Henry Ford used to fire executives who had affairs reasoning that someone who cheated on his wife would be much more likely to be dishonest in business take kickbacks from suppliers and etc.Tamat


And, back in the time of Ford's Model T, an employer could advertise for a job with impunity; specifying age, sex, and ethnic origin as a requirement. The legal environment has changed 180 degrees since then. That's why most employers no longer try to restrict employees' relationships unless one employee reports to another.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

If it is affecting anyone at the job besides the 2 cheaters it needs to be brought up to HR. As some said maybe an anonymous letter. @GuacaColey Are you one of the BSs? Is your work being affected by the cheaters? Seems to me if the company has strict guidelines involving this, then they have a reason for them, and probably deserve to know.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Expose. I recently almost got fired for helping expose a cheater. It was worth it! Kept my job and the cheater lives in Texas which is both fault and no fault depending on the situation. I hope that cheating B gets what is coming to her. My helping the BS against company policy got him some evidence to present in their court case. Worth it for me. I loath cheaters more than I like my job anyway. And I like my job a lot lol.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Expose. I recently almost got fired for helping expose a cheater. It was worth it! Kept my job and the cheater lives in Texas which is both fault and no fault depending on the situation. I hope that cheating B gets what is coming to her. *My helping the BS against company policy got him some evidence to present in their court case.* Worth it for me. I loath cheaters more than I like my job anyway. And I like my job a lot lol.


 What was the company policy that you violated?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Rubix Cubed said:


> TheDudeLebowski said:
> 
> 
> > Expose. I recently almost got fired for helping expose a cheater. It was worth it! Kept my job and the cheater lives in Texas which is both fault and no fault depending on the situation. I hope that cheating B gets what is coming to her. *My helping the BS against company policy got him some evidence to present in their court case.* Worth it for me. I loath cheaters more than I like my job anyway. And I like my job a lot lol.
> ...


It was a security issue. Gave him records only his WW should have had access to. Ah well, life goes on


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I wouldn't feel bad about it.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OP, how did you find out when the spouse didn't know?


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## dawnabon (Mar 11, 2017)

Blow it up. Tell the spouses, tell HR. 

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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

Ha, I've seen plenty of folks getting fired for supposedly doing the right thing. I would never go to HR, as they're there to keep things as quiet as possible! 

If i had to get involve i would get a hold of the husban, indirectly at that. Life is too complicated as is to take on someone else's crap!

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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

TAMAT said:


> Tell HR, do the world a favor.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Old Hank wasn't following his own beliefs when he was banging Martha Berry.


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## rytyjay141 (Jan 16, 2018)

GuacaColey said:


> Let’s say there’s this couple that are physically separated but the husband believes that he and his wife are working at marriage reconciliation while he lives outside the home.
> 
> Let’s say she allows her married boyfriend to move into the home while her and his wife are also physically, but not legally separated. They are doing this under the guise of being “good platonic friends” and roommates.
> 
> ...




I’m very conflicted with this area myself. 
I believe you should be the same person everywhere you go, if your a lying cheating manipulator in your personal life your probably one at work too and with your friends. I really don’t see how you can change like a chameleon at work and be a good moral person that is trustworthy with a business when you can’t follow the rules of no fraternization with coworkers? 
But I also believe that it’s possible you can create a problem for yourself. Type an letter anonymously! 
That’s my take on it! Good luck! 


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Unless you are one of the betrayed spouses or have an axe to grind with one of these cheaters then why would you want to get involved in this **** fight? That said you cannot get in trouble for discreetly leaving a note in regards to alleged behavour to the relevant people.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Steal the story and sell it to Lifetime or the O network.

How do you have this info but the betrayed spouses don't?

Personally, I am an engine of destruction in situations like this but my dark pleasure at crushing vileness isn't a taste everyone enjoys.

Going to HR and asking questions, placing authority and responsibility with them, about the situation could lead to interesting results and is harmless from your perspective.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Human Resources exists for only one purpose, to take care of the company. 

They can't act without some sort of proof or evidence.

Is it against the policy for Joe and George to share a townhouse without having sex with each other? If it was two male co-workers would the assumption be they are having sex?

You assume they are having sex because of the circumstances. Do you have proof? Would you provide that proof to HR? Would providing that proof show there was an invasion of privacy?

Sure we believe they are having sex. It makes sense. We don't need proof. We don't care. It makes great office gossip. Be sure to tell the other spouses. Tell everyone you know. Gossip is fine.

But not for HR.


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