# Tourette's Syndrome and verbal abuse



## DownHearted (Jun 28, 2016)

Hi all,

I've been married to my husband for 5 months and been together for 7 years. We moved in together after we got married and it's been hell. I have been diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome due to having a sudden onset of vocal tics in my adult life and currently on medication to help with this.
I am aware of the stress and difficulty it puts my husband through dealing with a wife with TS as it has been very hard on him. He was very supportive at the beginning of it all until the last month, he has told me he doesn't want to support me anymore and I either stop the TS or pack my bags and leave. He has become extremely verbally/physically abusive towards me calling names I never thought would be possible from someone who is meant to be your whole world. Before we got married he called me a stupid b***h a few times during arguments, now it has escalated badly.. I have been called the C-word, pig, dog, scum, freak., dumb, loser and that I don't make any money (even though I have a full time job and a good saver?) he has also told me numerous times he hates my guts and wants me to leave "his" house and get out his life that I have ruined. He has punched my arm, put his hand over my mouth to shut me up and pulled my hair during arguments. 

I can never do anything right around the house, I don't clean to his standards, I don't load the dishwasher properly I don't stir the food I'm cooking on the stove correctly etc he constantly tells me my parents did not teach me anything about life. 
I feel useless, not appreciated and worthless, I still love him and too scared to leave as this is my whole life and how can I start over?

I'm not perfect in any way shape or form and have my faults/ flaws but he blames me for his behaviour and doesn't see it as abuse? and that I make him say and do those things. I cannot reason with him at all and I don't think I ever will? I'm too embarrassed and afraid to talk to anybody about this  so that's why I'm writing on here. I just need some advice without any judgements. 
Many thanks for reading


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Your husband is an ass, no other way to put it, you can no more shut off TS than you can shut off Epilepsy, sure with medication you can suppress some what but this is an affliction that is beyond your control. If he can not understand that, you should not be having someone like that in your life, he will only make you feel worse. He is a bully and jerk, do not take this. God i truly hate men like this. Go to a lawyer and file for spousal abuse. I am truly sorry.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

Regardless of his difficulties with your symptoms, his responses here are inappropriate. This isn't just an adjustment issue, it's revealing another, darker part of his personality about tolerance. So, I'd certainly work with the MD medicating you to make sure the meds and their dose are optimized, but also, your husband needs work on tolerance. Stuff happens in life, and even when it's not desirable, you have to deal with it. Throwing temper tantrums and becoming abusive won't change it and is not acceptable.

If he'll go to therapy with you, that would be one place the two of you could address this new, unfortunate addition to your relationship, and help him adjust to it, while simultaneously reinforcing all the good things in your relationship. He can also come up with strategies to address the sometimes difficult symptoms w/o resorting to abuse.

If he's unable or unwilling to do this, then sadly you have two choices: Stay with him or leave. For your own sake, the latter might be best.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

DownHearted said:


> Before we got married he called me a stupid b***h a few times during arguments, now it has escalated badly.. I have been called the C-word, pig, dog, scum, freak., dumb, loser and that I don't make any money (even though I have a full time job and a good saver?) he has also told me numerous times he hates my guts and wants me to leave "his" house and get out his life that I have ruined. He has punched my arm, put his hand over my mouth to shut me up and pulled my hair during arguments.


Please explain to me why a woman would stay with such a man. I seriously want to know why you think you should.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

DownHearted said:


> I feel useless, not appreciated and worthless, I still love him and too scared to leave as this is my whole life and how can I start over?


You should be afraid to stay, not afraid to leave. You feel unappreciated and worthless because of how he is treating you. Practically anything short of torture is better than what you have now. You would be much better off without him. He is a terrible person trying to convince you that you are the problem. 
I don't know anything about Tourette's Syndrome, but would think that his abuse will make it worse. 



DownHearted said:


> I cannot reason with him at all and I don't think I ever will? I'm too embarrassed and afraid to talk to anybody about this  so that's why I'm writing on here. I just need some advice without any judgements.
> Many thanks for reading


You have reasoned with him. The problem isn't on your end. The problem is that he is unreasonable. You can't fix that. You can only control yourself.

You have only been married five months. How old are you? Did you have your own apartment before moving in with him?


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## DownHearted (Jun 28, 2016)

turnera2 said:


> Please explain to me why a woman would stay with such a man. I seriously want to know why you think you should.


They shouldn't stay, but what I have in the back of my head is i'm going to be all alone and nobody is going to want to have a life with someone with TS. He wants someone "normal", and i'm "not" that. 
I blame myself as i have also said inappropriate things I cannot take back but take full responsibility. He was and is a great man...to everybody else


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## DownHearted (Jun 28, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> You should be afraid to stay, not afraid to leave. You feel unappreciated and worthless because of how he is treating you. Practically anything short of torture is better than what you have now. You would be much better off without him. He is a terrible person trying to convince you that you are the problem.
> I don't know anything about Tourette's Syndrome, but would think that his abuse will make it worse.
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks for your response
I'm afraid to leave and afraid to stay at the same time due to so many reasons. He is a loving and caring man (well used to be)that all my family love and has come from a lovely family himself so leaving him will be a huge shock to all.:surprise:

I am 27, we had never lived together before that. I was living at home with my parents and brother - I came from a very traditional family (you could say at times strict as well).


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If I were you, I'd move back with my parents to decompress and give him a 'test.' If he really DOES love you, he will work with you, do therapy together, and understand that what he has been doing is wrong.

Of course it's a risk. It may be that he's one of those men who simply can't handle being with a woman who's not 'whole' - meaning some men marry a woman to take care of HIM, but he has no ability to take care of (or be sympathetic of) a woman who may need help herself. So he may just say 'I'm ready to move on.' But really, what's the alternative? Stay just so you're not alone and put up with abuse after abuse?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Do you live in the United States?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Good men treat their wives with love. Good men do not turn of their wives when she has a medical issue. He loves her and has her back. This man does not have your back.

Tell your parents what is going on and ask to move back home with them.

Do not put your marriage before your safety. That is making an idol of your husband and your marriage.


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