# bachelor party



## gettingmarried (Oct 31, 2008)

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I am in desperate need of advice. 

My boyfriend and I are getting married soon and of course he insists on having a bachelor party with strippers. I know that this is tradition and it will be his last night and all that, but to be completely honest I can't handle the idea of him going to a stripclub or getting strippers anywhere else. I've tried to tell myself that he's only going to be looking but it still makes me really upset. Yesterday his best friend was talking to me about it and I just started crying right away. I just think it's wrong for any man, single or married, to be paying to see girls dance naked for them, and the thought of my boyfriend doing this the night before our wedding kills me.

Do you think I am being too sensitive? Is it reasonable for me to ask him to not have stripppers? I'm young and I really have no idea how to handle this situation. Any advice would be helpful. 

Thank you :]


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It is all a matter of opinion though. Do I think it is a big deal? NO but I am not the one that matters you are. If it is that big of a deal than tell him it is a deal breaker for you.

draconis


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## gettingmarried (Oct 31, 2008)

It is a big deal for me and I know that if he does it, it's going to be on my mind the day of the wedding and probably for a while after. 

...but I wouldn't be being honest if I told him it was a dealbreaker. There are very few things that would stop me from marrying him.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Than tell him that 

"I feel that it will effect our soon to be marriage if that choice is made, and frankly I don't know how I will handle it."

draconis


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## gettingmarried (Oct 31, 2008)

I tried talking to him about it recently, and he got mad right away and just said "fine, i won't do it." But he didn't want to talk about it anymore after that and I know he didn't mean it because the next day it was brought up again. 

How can I bring it up without him getting angry or feeling like I'm trying to control him?


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

I really don't understand why is it such a big deal. You know that you are not the only woman on this planet, right? He will from time to time look at other women, be it strippers, woman on a street, co-worker......and it's normal. As long as it's "looking and not touching" it's ok. 
Tell him you have a problem with it but don't try to stop him from having a night out with guys. It will just come back to bite you in the ass. Years down the road when you are arguing over something stupid he will throw it in your face. At least if you let him have BP YOU can be the one doing the "throwing" in the face thing. 
But seriously, it's really not a big deal. Just get over it and don't let one night stand in your way of happiness.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Look at what I said. By saying "I" instead of you it takes him off of the offensive. It allows him to hear what it is causing inside instead of blaming.

draconis


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## Tawny Somers (Oct 31, 2008)

gettingmarried said:


> I tried talking to him about it recently, and he got mad right away and just said "fine, i won't do it." But he didn't want to talk about it anymore after that and I know he didn't mean it because the next day it was brought up again.
> 
> How can I bring it up without him getting angry or feeling like I'm trying to control him?


 I don't blame you for not wanting your fiance having nude women dancing for him. I don't care if it's a tradition or not, I would not be comfortable with that, either, because it's wrong, in my opinion.

The problem here that I see, is two-fold:

1. Are you sure that you share the same values??? You need to know - BEFORE you are married.

2. A HUGE part of marriage is being able to resolve problems and come to a good resolution....I don't see that here. Your boyfriend doesn't really listen, and doesn't seem to truly care about your feelings, and shuts down and won't discuss things.

I think you need to make sure this marriage is going to be solid. Your fiance sounds a bit immature, IMHO.

Also, does he have "control issues?" In other words, any time you speak up for yourself, is he going to claim that you're "trying to control him?"

Lots of red flags!


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## gettingmarried (Oct 31, 2008)

Usually we can resolve problems well and we can both compromise but part of the problem is that he can be very immature like you said [although we are both very young], and I think he does have some control issues. I can speak up for myself but when it comes to him wanting to do something that I don't want him to, he immediately gets angry.

But another part of the problem is that I know that our culture plays a huge role in the way that he acts and I've always known that in our relationship more often than not I will have to be the one to "give in." And at the same time I am very confused because I was brought up the same way he was but obviously being raised here I learned about how marriage is here and both ways seem right.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Ok, a BP is traditionally the last chance a guy has to "sow his wild oats". Hopefully he won't actually do that! 

If you have ANY IDEA that he has done so, then DO NOT give yourself to him (even on your wedding night, if you go ahead with it - if he forces you, then that's RAPE!) until he's proven medically healthy! You could live to regret that. Or not. 

If he has control issues, then you both NEED to resolve these BEFORE you get married. They won't go away (with a ring)! 

If you find that you're "giving in", then STOP DOING THAT!! Stand up for yourself. Call off the wedding, if you have to (that'll wake him up, I guarantee it)!. DO NOT let him get his way. Period. It isn't right. 

Marriage is a partnership! Not a dominant/submissive relationship (although those exist, to be sure). 

Personally, I find your reaction puzzling (simply from the male perspective - but my GF knows me very well and trusts me to not do anything stupid - which I wouldn't; he.l, I'd be happy with free beer on my BP night  ), but I do understand that (various) things make you uncomfortable. If he won't respect that, then it begs the question of what else he won't respect (as long as he always gets HIS way). 

I hate to suggest a spy at the BP, but that's an option. Bottom line, if you aren't comfortable, then DON'T do anything afterwards! Your life does not depend on being a "wife". Nor does his on being a "husband" (poorly though he may enter it).


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

Spying is a bad idea. If you can't trust him to do the right thing then you shouldn't marry him at all.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

It's not a bad idea if it confirms what you already suspect.


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## gettingmarried (Oct 31, 2008)

Dcrim, what is it exactly that is puzzling you?

And I think that this "dominant/submissive" relationship is more or less how it is going to be and I am ok with that. My only issue would be if he cheated on me but at this point I am certain that he will not do that.

I hadn't considered spying because I DO trust him. I am sure that he wouldn't cheat on me. I am just not ok with strippers, this is something that in my opinion, is just wrong.


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

If you know he isn't going to cheat why do you have a problem with strippers? Is it the thought of him maybe "wanting" those girls?


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## gettingmarried (Oct 31, 2008)

I was trying to say that actually but for some reason I couldn't put that into words, but now that you say that, yes that is a big part of it.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Personally both of you might give a little. I have been think of this from your view this whole time and never considered the fact he has to accept your view, your want, your belief.

Just a thought.

draconis


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

gettingmarried said:


> It is a big deal for me and I know that if he does it, it's going to be on my mind the day of the wedding and probably for a while after.
> 
> ...but I wouldn't be being honest if I told him it was a dealbreaker. There are very few things that would stop me from marrying him.


I'm all with ya. I think lust is a terrible thing. I told a boyfriend of mine once, when we drove by a "gentleman's club," that no real gentleman would ever go in one of those. 

Some people are OK with it, and that's fine, but dont waver on how you feel. Your feelings are your guide to keeping peace with yourself and once you compromise that, you will be miserable.


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

If you have a problem with him "wanting" other woman maybe you should ask yourself why you feel so insecure. You said that he won't cheat so you have nothing to worry about. Every man will "fantasize" about women they see in magazines, on TV, on the street....but that's just the way they are. THey are "visual" creatures and us woman are more "mental" D and I don't mean crazy:rofl. Anyway, as long as he looks and fantasizes without acting upon it it's all good.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

here is a question for you....Would you go to the stripper club with him?? My wife asked me once to see what it was like, I told her, sure, but really tehy are boring. She asked why...Well let's see, $10 for a drink, I have to give some woman my money and allt hey do is dance naked in front of me, I can't touch them.....what fun is that?? none.

My Bachelor party had 3 strippers and about 50 guys, the strippers duid their thing, I was to busy talking to all the guys and drinking to really even bother with the strippers.

I personally see it as a waste. The women aren't great looking, average at best.

I wouldn't worry to much. Matter of fact you should say, Go ahve fun, I am jealous I can't join you hun....you want to throw him for a loop.

People have some idea that men will stop looking at woman after marriage, not going to happen, we will still drool at any good looking woman that walks by.

The difference... If he loves you he will look but won't stray, same goes the other way.

My wife can drool over a good looking man and it won't bother me, she ahs been to parties with male strippers, no big deal.

It's just a good time.... he asked you to marry him, he loves you, stop worry about the "what if's" and worry about "what is!"

best of luck, I wouldn't sweat the BP at all, 99% of men do nothing at their party, not because they can't, because they don't want to.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

My wife has been to strippers before too. She has pictures of her with them still. It doesn't bother me. Let her go and get rev'd up for me.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

there is a book out there called, "the Good girl's guide to bad girls sex."

you should get it for yourself.

If anything sounds like you lack self confidence.

I'll tell you right now, nothing sexier then a woman who is confident in her own skin and self.

My friends love that my wife says, "go ahead go out"

I get...

You mean you can come out drinking no problem? yes

Your wife doesn't call you to check up on you?? nope.

You can go to a strip bar and she won't care? Yes I can go and she does not care.

You can talk to other woman and she does not get mad? No she does not get mad.

I can't beleive you just told your wife that woman was hot? why not? if I didn't tell her then she should be worried, but by telling my wife she knows I am not running off anywhere and I am still a red blooded american boy who likes hot women! 


You see it is all a mind set. Jealousy will slowly kill your marriage if you let it. I can flirt all I want, My wife can flirt all she wants, but we trust each other.

Trust and communication is the bottom line in all marriages.


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

:iagree: I don't care if my husband goes to a strip bar. And maybe because I don't care he doesn't go.  Maybe once every 4-5 years. If it's every now and then, it's normal. If he goes every day and leaves his whole paycheck in some girl's thong...then I'd worry. 

As a matter of fact, he's turning 40 next year and I'm going to get him a stripper for the party. I know he's an ass man so I already found a girl for that. She's a part time ass model part time stripper. I know I still got it so I don't care if he's looking. Right, guys? :smthumbup:It's all for bit of a fun.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Come on here, the stripper thing at a bachelor party is immature, and disrespectful period. Do you really want to marry a man who one week before you commit your lives to one another would do something that degrades you and causes you any emotional harm? 
I would agree that if you were both into it and went together that would be a different story. But a Man(and I use the word Man intentionally) would not do something that touched off a feelings of resentment at such a core level in the woman he loves just so he can save face with his buddies.
Can you imagine how you would feel if he came to you and said
"Honey, I've had some time to think about your feelings and have decided not to have strippers at my party as I want it to be a celebration of the joy of what is about to happen to me not a funeral for the life I'm leaving behind".
If you could not imagine those words coming out of his mouth than you are settling for less than you deserve.
I'm not saying that it is wrong for every couple, but it is wrong for any couple where one of them is uncomfortable with it. This is not in the same category as having different tastes in movies, this speaks to respect,honor, maturity and ones core values. Well jmho


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## Guest (Nov 2, 2008)




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## storyboardlife (Oct 31, 2008)

GM - you need to trust your intuition. I really don't understand why everyone is trying to convince you that something is okay when you obviously have a problem with it. This is an issue of having similar dreams, wants, and desires for the relationship from both people. I have found love to be this:
-protects the relationship
-it acts in a way that makes the other person the best that they can be
-it sacrifices for the interests of the relationship

Here's some questions: 
-Would you allow the stripper to perform in your home for your husband? If yes, then he should go. If no, why would he go?

-Would he be okay if you went out with males strippers for a night on the town? The principle should be the same between the two if he says no. 

-Would your soon to be husband be proud if your daughter was a stripper doing the same thing. 

-Since the stripper doesn't care who she performs with what will he do when she starts dancing all over him? And why would he put himself in that situation?

Love protects and if both of you don't have the same ideas as to what actions protect or don't then you really need to speak with a counselor. Why wait to find out if something happened after you get married? 

Please do not have such low veiw of yourself and of marriage to have the "let's just hope for the best" attitude. I bet you wouldn't even do that on a test in college that determined you whole semesters grade. 

I hope that I have given you some things to think about.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

storyboardlife said:


> GM - you need to trust your intuition. I really don't understand why everyone is trying to convince you that something is okay when you obviously have a problem with it. This is an issue of having similar dreams, wants, and desires for the relationship from both people.


:iagree:


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

gettingmarried said:


> Hi, I'm new to this forum and I am in desperate need of advice.
> 
> My boyfriend and I are getting married soon and of course he insists on having a bachelor party with strippers. I know that this is tradition and it will be his last night and all that, but to be completely honest I can't handle the idea of him going to a stripclub or getting strippers anywhere else. I've tried to tell myself that he's only going to be looking but it still makes me really upset. Yesterday his best friend was talking to me about it and I just started crying right away. I just think it's wrong for any man, single or married, to be paying to see girls dance naked for them, and the thought of my boyfriend doing this the night before our wedding kills me.
> 
> ...



Believe me, more goes on with those type of parties than you know. I know a girl that her now husband had a bachelor party before they got married. Some guys there took pictures, and somehow she saw a picture of her husband sucking the girl's tit.  So you see, these girls will let you do more than just look at them if the price is right.


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

To me this isn't about the BP... Take a deep breath, step back and look...
1 - you both are very selfish. If each of you put the other's needs before your own would there be an issue?
2 - your communicaiton process seems to be a little weak
3 - trust seems to be "conditional"

Getting married is a huge step and committment. Honoring the vows is important if you wish to be truley happy in your marriage. I am not advocating anthing here specifically. Just that you think.

I am VERY pro marriage, and if there are challenges now.....


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## Ashley (Oct 21, 2008)

ur_next_ex said:


>


sounds like the alone thing you can think about is all rigths to men and dotn care about women. All on mens prerogatives. Guess what, this is not just a mans world. And the deal is not women got to accept all what the male like and to repress all their feelings just so the guy can feel better and more free while she will feel bad, and thats the deal! 
If women are to think about hte guy so must the guy also take in consideration how womens feel and receive what they do, or its a one way street who is totaly backward and even medieval.
You seems to have a very old fashion view on womens rights and on mens postition in society.
Maybe you should run an update.
This isnt the 60'es nor the 70'es nor the 80'es, this is year 2008.
Amen to that!


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

Ashley - I agree.
I would add that it isn't abour women's rights....it is about respect. And that has to happen 2 ways. If you truley love (agrape love - unconditional) then you will put their needs above yours.

Remember - what goes around comes around!


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## Ashley (Oct 21, 2008)

TGolbus said:


> Ashley - I agree.
> I would add that it isn't abour women's rights....it is about respect. And that has to happen 2 ways. If you truley love (agrape love - unconditional) then you will put their needs above yours.
> 
> Remember - what goes around comes around!


Thanks Globus!
Unconditional love is rabish and a rabish concept used by people who dont know what they are actualy talking about to excuse someone unexcusable behaviour and lack of respect.
There is no unconditional love, except in utopian love stories and in psychiatric hospitals..
Take it to the next level, unconditional is also loving the person and staying with that person no matter waht, even if that person beats you, beat your kids, rape you or your kids, is a killer, and treat you like crap.
If you say there must be respect, there you already put in a condition.. if you say the the unconditional love must go both ways, then you alreready put a condition, if you say that you must figth to save your marriage you also put a condition. Therefor unconditional love is rabbish.

Love is an exchange and go both way. 
You cannot live and be happy in a marriage where only one love the others but the other dont love you at all, nor be happy nor satisfied in a marriage where you do everything in the house, or must carry the relationship on your own, nor can a relationship work when there is any unbalance. And it is both parts responsability to reestablish that balance and to take care to keep it that way and to be aware of the other feelings and always think of their life as a whole, that include the other person. if they dont include the other hald in their vision of their life and plans, then they shoudlnt be married, and certainly got married out of convenience and not out of love, and neverthougth about the vow of marriage as something serious at all, and in fact are married on paper but live as single with free sex, in reality.
There must be rules that are clear and that both part make an edd on to keep and to do their best to keep.
In my meaning. when love is true, those rules come on their own as obvious factors, are not even needed, and the mutual respect is there always.
But true love seems to be for the few, we have for the most to live with the crap thats left, and where unconditional love cant survive, but only get trashed, unless we wish to end up commiting suicide.
If not, then better trash unconditional love and begun to respect oneself and take care of oneself and begin to create a set of rules and agreements for both parts to follow.
Starting with mutual respect.
The problem here is that if the guy dont respect her, he will never follow those rules either, even if he agreed on them.
Then, there is always divorce. Since he wants to be single anyway.

As a rule, I do not like men who have to be reminded to respect you, and how, nor men who have to be told several times that what they do is disrespectfull when a 5 years old could see it, and men who do so for years and need counseling to stop, and to stil be regulary reminded of it.  
Thats too bad. Its like having to live with that office guy or girl that you dont like.
It must be beautiful and good, and a togetherness, where relations and communication is easy. If not, its not worth a damn s---
Thats how i see things. 
Better live alone than in a bad company.
And better divorce than force that company on oneself. or even worse, on the other.. 

Unconditional love begin with oneself, and if you respect yourself, you will begin by loving you enough to avoid those faulse marriage where you end up in bad company with a disrespectfull guy, acting like a stranger.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Ashley said:


> Thanks Globus!
> Unconditional love is rabish and a rabish concept used by people who dont know what they are actualy talking about to excuse someone unexcusable behaviour and lack of respect.
> There is no unconditional love, except in utopian love stories and in psychiatric hospitals..
> Take it to the next level, unconditional is also loving the person and staying with that person no matter waht, even if that person beats you, beat your kids, rape you or your kids, is a killer, and treat you like crap.
> ...


Great post! Totally agree with you. :smthumbup:


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I think Story Board makes some interesting points.

Maybe you should say to your Fiance, that while he is at the BP, you and a few female friends are going to a Hotel for a wild night out and getting a couple of Male strippers.

See what he says...(you don't actually have to do it) just get his reaction and get him to understand your position.

Marriage is ever evolving and changing, much like life and the rest of the world, you will have to roll with it and make some changes in your marriage to compromise. Pick your battles and be willing to work it out to a middle ground.

I have seen some marriages end because neither one wants to compromise, either they are right or wrong, even in the divorce settlement, it was about being "right or wrong"

Compromise, trust and communication...foundation to a good marriage.


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## Ashley (Oct 21, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> Great post! Totally agree with you. :smthumbup:


Thanks ljtseng!


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## Ashley (Oct 21, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> I think Story Board makes some interesting points.
> 
> Maybe you should say to your Fiance, that while he is at the BP, you and a few female friends are going to a Hotel for a wild night out and getting a couple of Male strippers.
> 
> ...


:lol: I like the idea of showing up at a man stripper party and sending the pictures to her husband while she is kissing one of them could be greate..
But i still will ask myself how her husband will have reacted if he had found out that his wife had a similar party with her gf, where male strippers were invited and she had kissed one, and seen it on a picture.. just a day or 2 before their marriage.. He might have ask for divorce. I am very sure he wont have taken it lightly. Its always like that, that men take it large about them while they take it very seriously and heavily if its their wife who do the same.. :rofl:
Then, as they put it out when you point that at them, they say "Thats not the same". 
Dont ask them why, cause they will answer you "What do you mean why? Becasue thats not the same!" 
"But why?" 
"... Because i am a man and you are a woman"... 

Here women also make their goodbyes party before marriage, kissing strangers in the streeets.. Its arranged by their gfs and htey are dressed in a costume, a funny one, and all day long they make funny thigns and its the gf who decide.
The same goes for men with his bfs.
Some make advanced stuff, like i read once, hte guyhad to jump with that rope on your foot. Like bunjee jumping, and ended up at the hospital. 
Personaly i found those things ridiculous and out of time and totaly unecessary. There was a time when mariage ment you moved away to a new home and was cut off from family and/or friends, but today its hardly the case, so why care at all?
As one pointed out, if the guy has any regrets or last minute hesitations, then he shoudlnt marry at all.
He should celebrate leaving the young karl life not cry about it.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> Maybe you should say to your Fiance, that while he is at the BP, you and a few female friends are going to a Hotel for a wild night out and getting a couple of Male strippers.
> 
> See what he says...(you don't actually have to do it) just get his reaction and get him to understand your position.


really wouldnt recommend doing this. i tried playing games in my relationship to get him to try and understand how i felt. it doesnt work. it just creates more problems.

just be honest and open in your communication. dont try to get him to get how you feel, just respect what you feel and set up boundaries to protect yourself if necessary.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

GAsoccerman said:


> Maybe you should say to your Fiance, that while he is at the BP, you and a few female friends are going to a Hotel for a wild night out and getting a couple of Male strippers.


What happens if he is okay with it?

draconis


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

TGolbus said:


> Ashley - I agree.
> I would add that it isn't abour women's rights....it is about respect. And that has to happen 2 ways. If you truley love (agrape love - unconditional) then you will put their needs above yours.
> 
> Remember - what goes around comes around!


:iagree:


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## Ashley (Oct 21, 2008)

Honey said:


> :iagree:



what if you respect the guy and love him unconditionaly but he doesnt respect you nor loves you unconditionaly?
what do you do?
stop to love him unconditionaly?...

if unconditional love needs to be 2 ways to can work then it isnt unconditional as you crave the other to love you back and respect you back.. therefor unconditional love do not exist, and when it does it is very dangerous for you unless the other person loves you and respect you too.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

There is such a thing as unconditional love, like a parent and child have. The child doesn't have to love the parent.

draconis


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

My kids better love me, or Santa will not be at their house this year. LOL


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## Ashley (Oct 21, 2008)

yes but here we are talking about two adults, as in a marriage or relationship, not as parents or in the family, thats different.
I answered about that before..

<<Unconditional love is rabish and a rabish concept used by people who dont know what they are actualy talking about to excuse someone unexcusable behaviour and lack of respect.
There is no unconditional love, except in utopian love stories and in psychiatric hospitals..
Take it to the next level, unconditional is also loving the person and staying with that person no matter what, even if that person beats you, beat your kids, rape you or your kids, is a killer, and treat you like crap.
If you say there must be respect, there you already put in a condition.. if you say the the unconditional love must go both ways, then you alreready put a condition, if you say that you must figth to save your marriage you also put a condition. Therefor unconditional love is rabbish....

Unconditional love begin with oneself, and if you respect yourself, you will begin by loving you enough to avoid those faulse marriage where you end up in bad company with a disrespectfull guy, acting like a stranger.>>

many women have had an unconditional love story that ended very badly and that they shoudl have leave much earlier.. but didnt because they loved the person. When its dangerous for oneself and endanger your self worth then its not good for you at all and its best to can quit.. which you cant if you are so much in love. If you stay you will get hurt if you leave you will feel pain too.
What we can learn of this is that shared love as both loving one another and respecting each other is the ideal. And it cant be too much to ask than to be respected and loved back. I mean, why getting married if there is no love no respect or no trust and no sharing?
You cant ask too much, but too little is not wise nor good either.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Unconditional love is love not based on imposing, containing, subject to, or depending on a condition(s).

So if you don't say I will only love a person if they bring me flowers everyday without exception, than that is unconditional love by defination.

Than again, love like unconditional love is based on the terms we define them as. I have a friend that believes love is purely chemical. That is how he defines love. I define it much differently than he does.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

if he is OK with it?? well then it is up to her to do it or not. Her call.

But I am sure it will make him think. I am sure she is a nice, sweet home type girl that does not get wild at all. If she shows she may be a little wild, he may just get jealous or excited..who knows.

something they need to discuss


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## Godiva (Nov 7, 2008)

Hi Gettingmarried, 

I've never been in your exact situation, but when I learned my then-boyfriend now-husband had a trove of porn mags, it bothered me a lot. I'm a petite girl, and these women had ginormous assets--I felt I didn't measure up to his standards. 

After I had a heart-to-heart with him, I learned that what he gets out of looking at the pictures and what he feels when looking at me are completely different. Women will probably never fully understand the workings of male brain (and vice versa), but apparently, the mags just fuel some animal instinct, while I excite him to his core, because I'm real and madly in love with him. 

I would remember this: nothing gets off a man more than knowing he is truly desired by the woman he is with. And that's the one thing strippers can never offer--by virtue of their asking payment for their presence. 

If that doesn't work, just remind yourself that the boozing and stripping fiasco is more for the buddies who are "losing" their friend to the wife, than for the husband-to-be, at least that is the notion in the "classier" bachelor parties.


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## storyboardlife (Oct 31, 2008)

The point i was making about asking her husband if it were okay if she had a stripper come by was purely rhetorical. Just as much as you have to protect your emotions, body, and mental health so it is with relationships. 

Here is another question: What is the difference between the integrity and commitment before and after you say "I do" in front of God, friends and family? It would seem that it is the same. If you love and cherish the person before the "I do" then you would love and cherish in the same way after "I do." 

So the question. would it be okay for either person to go to a party with naked people in which the environment is such that it promotes infidelity? I don't think so. If I found out that my girlfriend or wife willingly did something like that, then I would have to put everything on hold. If she was willing to put herself, the relationship, and the lack of respect for me then I would have to question what her reaction would be when we have a very heated argument later in the marriage. (We do strange things when we are hurt from our loved ones) Marriage is too much of an investment and IMPORTANCE to just hope for the best.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

just so you don't continue talking about two different things:

Agape - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

continue...

oh, wait...what is the purpose of a bachelor party?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

storyboardlife said:


> would it be okay for either person to go to a party with naked people in which the environment is such that it promotes infidelity? I don't think so.


:iagree:

I never understood why, just b/c society labels them 'strippers', that now all of a sudden its ok for them to be naked in front of you. where as if it was just some girl at a party, and a bunch of the guys, your future spouse included, asked her to take off all her clothes and dance for him, then it wouldnt be ok.


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## Engaged (Feb 16, 2010)

I am a male, who is engage, that is about to have his bachelor party. My fiance told me straight up: " If you have strippers, then there isn't going to be a wedding."

Luckily for me, I also think it is wrong to have strippers. My fiance was just more worried about what my friends would do. I don't believe in watching women strip because that is part of my religious faith. 

My fiance and I also started going to premarital counseling and it is awesome. You would be surprised how much of an impact Professional Advice will make on a person's decision making.

You need to let him know that this is completely unacceptable and it will forever change your view of him if he goes through with it. Ask him how he can become a leader if he does not lead by example. Tell him that in order to be a submissive wife, you need feel safe knowing that your man is making the right decisions for you two.

My best advice by far is to get counseling. I don't know what your religious affiliations are or anything but Churches give premarital counseling at a very low cost. My first session was free and its only 30 dollars per session after that.

All the best!


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## mujer_rota (Feb 10, 2010)

There have been two occasions i have gone to a strip club with my H. First time we were only dating. Second time we were engaged and it was his Bday. About 30 of our friends came to celebrate and they chipped in to pay for a dance with two girls and him up on the stage. He said he was humiliated and about the birthday thing, we all got to spank him with a belt while the girls held his hands around the pole. THey wrote all over him with sharpie and ripped his boxers. I felt bad for him and he said he didn't ever want to go to a strip club for his Bday again. A friend paid for a 'couples lap dance' in a private room and we both enjoyed that. 

He works out of town and on more than one occasion gone to a strip club with co workers. I do not care if he watches and gets danced on but I do request that he not pay for his own lap dance. That is a waste of our money. He has paid for one lap dance for his boss and it was his birthday. It does not bother me because he fells like it is degrading, and he just goes 'with guys he trusts' and me when I feel like it. 

Personally, I think there is way too much money spent at these places, they are dirty and there is often nothing fun about it for me except the music and if I want, I can put on my own show for my man while we are there together! I say it's whatever, but if it makes you uncomfortable let him know that. And if he only gets mad and butt hurt over it I think there are more problems than just him seeing strippers.


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