# A tale of emasculation.



## LessOfaMan (Jul 8, 2012)

How, how could she of done this to me, why all the lies and deceit. I’ve not been the perfect husband, far from it, but I’ve never set out to ruin our marriage. She told me she was going to meet a new female friend she had met at the gym. I welcomed this new friend, as a lot of the problems in our marriage are based upon the fact that she has very few friends, thus a lot of pressure on me to fill a void that only a ‘buddy’ is able to. 
She went to her new friends house, I was told to play monopoly. She had automatically assumed that I would be unwilling to let her do that, and so mentioned simply, ‘I was invited to coffee today’ The conversation continued, and I encouraged her to text her friend and do some girly things.
She arrived home late, but completely sober, she woke me coming to bed, we had a cuddle, and fell asleep. She was talking about going out with her during the week again, and that they would play pool together in a nice suburb. I’m not to keen on this idea, as the last time she went out for drinks, she was spiked, and I had to pick her up outside a strip club while vomiting. I expressed my concerns, an argument ensued, and off she went. Shortly afterwards I text and apologized for yelling, that I was just ovelry concerned, and I’m not a fool.
A few hours later I needed to speak with her over something unrelated, it was urgent so I called, the phone kept ringing, and I text explaining that it was unrelated, urgent, and that I wasn’t calling her to have an argument.
She didn’t respond.
Several hours later, she came home, her makeup was worn, she was overly sensitive, and cue another argument. Mainly over the no response.
I asked her how she got home, as she had very little money, she was adamant she caught the bus. So wrong or not, I asked her if she had the ticket, “sure, it’ll be in my bag somewhere. I asked her to prove it, stated that she didn’t have to, but it’s an easy way to put my mind at ease. She rummaged through her bag for a good few minutes, before saying she couldn’t find it. I told her I was tired, had enough of arguing, and went to bed.
She came up, and asked what I thought she was doing, I had imagined that she had returned to work as an escort, her profession many years ago. I didn’t say this, but asked her which establishment she went to, she didn’t know. She said her friend met her at the bus stop, and I asked how she knew which stop.
It was at this point that she slipped up, realized she had, and admitted to lying to me.
With some reassurance that I would not become aggressive, she broke down and told me that she was went to see ‘them’ again, that her friend did exist, and that they had been together intimately. 
So my wife has told me she cheated with another women, I’ve spent most of the day on a rollercoaster, after breaking down in front of my boss, wondering what I’m going to do, and realizing that my childrens lives will never be the perfection I had endeavored to give them.

What do I do now?


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Is this for real? Your wife used to be an escort and you're surprised at her current behavior? Get tested for STDs and get some counseling. Hopefully, other members will be along shortly to offer advice. (I must've lived a sheltered life.)


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

I'm assuming you knew she was an escort before marrying her? So you had to have accepted the likelihood of her going back to her old habits.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

With them again ??? No matter the gender, but do you really know if there was not a man involved ?? Can you say 3some. Hookers do not make the best wives, inspite of what used to be said. You really need to get every bit of info you can. This may bethe tip of the iceburg, so expect a lot of TT. Hopefully, you are catching this at the start, and can stop it now. It won't be easy, but you did marry her knowing her pass.


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

You married a prostitute are you nuts???!!!!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It's only emasculating if you let it be. Now decide if you want her to leave and get D or is she potentially remorseful though it doesn't sound like it.

Do are you filing for D?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Marrying a prostitute... Oh wait, "escort" is much more trendy these days!

Can't compute it. Holy cow...


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

If I've learned anything from my ordeal, it's not to get seriously involved with 'broken women'. The risk is too great that their past will come back and destroy the relationship.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

I am surprised that you are surprised about her going back to her old profession. 
I don't see how you could expect more from her.


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## Alyosha (Feb 27, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> If I've learned anything from my ordeal, it's not to get seriously involved with 'broken women'. The risk is too great that their past will come back and destroy the relationship.


Emotionally damaged people are potentially very dangerous people. My life and the lives of my children were utterly devastated by one.

When you see the red flags tread very cautiously. Very.


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## Romeo_Holden (Sep 17, 2011)

Alyosha said:


> Emotionally damaged people are potentially very dangerous people. My life and the lives of my children were utterly devastated by one.
> 
> When you see the red flags tread very cautiously. Very.


^ this.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

LessOfaMan said:


> I had imagined that she had returned to work as an escort, her profession many years ago.


You lost me at this sentence.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

LessOfaMan said:


> So my wife has told me she cheated with another women, I’ve spent most of the day on a rollercoaster, after breaking down in front of my boss, wondering what I’m going to do, and realizing that my childrens lives will never be the perfection I had endeavored to give them.
> 
> What do I do now?


The odds of a marriage surviving same sex infidelity is so rare it may as well be a unicorn. 

Do you really want to stay with this person?

You can take back the power you feel you lost ( at that is your feeling not mine) you can file for Divorce immediately.

If you state allows you to file for fault, gather your evidence, or at least get the name of her same sex partner to put on the witness stand, and then file fault.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Actually Sara, you'd be surprised to find that for a man to find out his wife had a same sex affair hurts much less than a heterosexual affair( I believe this is the opposite case for a woman and thus your comments indicate the thinking).

I'd be less hurt if my wife said she had an affair with another woman, mostly because men being competitive would cringe at the thought of another competitor coming into the foray. But a woman naturally lacks the necessary parts with which he measures his worth as a man and hence would not figure in the equation. Sexually at least. And for a man sexual betrayal is much more likely to turn him into a basket case than an emotional betrayal


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

anonymouskitty said:


> Actually Sara, you'd be surprised to find that for a man to find out his wife had a same sex affair hurts much less than a heterosexual affair( I believe this is the opposite case for a woman and thus your comments indicate the thinking).
> 
> I'd be less hurt if my wife said she had an affair with another woman, mostly because men being competitive would cringe at the thought of another competitor coming into the foray. But a woman naturally lacks the necessary parts with which he measures his worth as a man and hence would not figure in the equation. Sexually at least. And for a man sexual betrayal is much more likely to turn him into a basket case than an emotional betrayal


I disagree. I think your example is overlapping with the idea that some men like the idea of their wives experimenting in a non relationship way with being bi.

However cheating is all about betrayal and having an additional relationship outside your SO. So regardless of man or woman the act is the same and the threat of permanently leaving their marriage for the AP is the same.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

zsu234 said:


> You married a prostitute are you nuts???!!!!


When I was 22, I found out that my then girl friend was a part time call girl. I proposed to her. Because I loved her. I did not like the idea of her being a call girl (part time or full time) but I loved her.

If she hadn't have turned me down, I would have married her.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> However cheating is all about betrayal and having an additional relationship outside your SO. So regardless of man or woman the act is the same and the threat of permanently leaving their marriage for the AP is the same.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That wasn't my argument at all. I merely said that *most* men would be able to forgive a same sex betrayal far more than a heterosexual one.

Men Forgive Cheating


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## I'm The Prize (May 22, 2012)

Lying is lying and cheating is cheating. It doesn't matter who it is with. @ Lessofaman: I'm not in any way wanting to suggest your pain is any less than anyone else's here but as a woman I'd like to ask you a serious question: What where you thinking? Was it some ego trip to think that after being with all of those men she picked you? As a woman I can't understand. If it were me I'd been wondering every time we had sex who she was thinking of or comparing me to. Maybe men are just different. I can't deal with the thought in my head that my husband could be thinking about or comparing me to his AP much less that much. Sorry if the question is insensitive, didn't mean it to be, just don't get it.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Shaggy I agree with your points, betrayal is betrayal, and what I lost from her adultery was much bigger than just sex. However it will forever be the thought of another man's (mens) c0ck(s) in my own W that makes me feel like the loser.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I'm not going to bash you anymore for your choice to marrying her, you did it our of love, clearly you knew the risks, you have been watching. No point to talk about this anymore.

What is your plan? Is it a dealbreaker? Do you want to divorce her? Do you want to reconcile? Did you knew she was bisex? I think so. I support you on this, it's your life. 
I would say ignore the post which won't give you advice about your actual predicament and keep posting. Read the newbies thread (surely scrolling down the 1rst, 2nd page), read different threads. 
In your case i'd demand inmediately IC for her, from a marriage friendly IC.

Sorry you are here.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Sorry to hear the circumstances that brought you here, but welcome! 

First, since all of this is still very raw, I would not make any major decisions at this point. How long have you been married? How old are your children? What has happened since she admitted to cheating? Did she apologize and/or indicate whether she wanted to stay married? Just wondering what her mindset is at this point.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

She said she was with "them". She didn't say she was with "her". I would be wondering how THEY are!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

My wife also was in the business many years ago during the beginning of the marriage, her income got us thru my accident that left me bed ridden, and its this lifestyle that helped direct her path that lead us to were we are to day.

Its a lifestyle that is very toxic and the friendship that are generated are unhealthy. Sure the friendship with other "models" my no longer exsist, but like minds think a like, so even now that she has new friends and no longer hangs with her old ones, again like minds think a like.

I hope this answers some of the whys?

Your wife will be best served to get some individual counseling and learn the tools to change her life style, a new life style that will make her a healtier and happier person.

One of *many* things she will need to do to keep her marriage. So let her go and see if she can make the changes to keep you around.

So for now stop crying and never beg, show her the confidence that you will let her go if it continues.


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