# Considering Divorce - Married Young



## Marko86 (Jun 20, 2016)

Thanks for reading, long time lurker first time poster here but I am finally at my wits end and feel the need to post so here it goes, thank you for taking the time to read and sharing your insights!

*Background:*

Dated for 1 year and got married young in 2008 when I was 22 due to religious pressures being put on her by her family at the time. During our time being married I have been unemployed for a total of 3 days. She has been unemployed due to going to school(which she dropped out of) as well as due to being fired for about a year total. We have been fighting on and off for the last ~3 years.


*
Where I/we are at now:*

I currently earn approximately twice what she is. I am running a locally owned and operated company, she works running a retail store. We each have 2 days off a week though they do not line up, on my days off I do work from home. We both cover approx 50% of the household finances(groceries, utilities, mortgage). I pay 100% of car and related costs as she does not drive(I do drive her to work/friend houses/etc.). I do approx. 90% of the housework, on an average week I do all the dishes, laundry, mopping floors, taking out trash, yard work, yadda yadda. On occasion she will get a burst of energy and do dishes and some yard work or something. 

We have no children(thankfully), we do not share any interests and when we do get in fights because we do not hang out it boils down to us watching netflix as all she wants to do. We do not share the same circle of friends. We have sex maybe once a month(usually initiated by her) always missionary always routine always boring(I have for years expressed my displeasure with our sex life and have tried to get her to broaden her horizons but have slowly given up over time leading us to the point we are at now). Which is essentially sleeping in the same bed and having very meaningless conversations of mostly small talk(think hows the weather, whats new at work, etc.)

Every 6 months or so for the last 2 years or so we end up in a position where we have a conversation about splitting up and it always ends up in the "we can change" "ill do more" "yadda, yadda" and things go on till we end up back there. The last of these conversations were this winter though I couldn't tell you when.


*
Main reasons I am considering divorce: *

I am now in a position where I have the option of buying out the company I am working for, this would be done by the current ownership leaving and me paying them through the capital the company makes over the coming years. I feel as though it is almost inevitable that we will split at some point and it seems pertinent to do it before heading down this road.

If I were to separate I should be able to pull my finances down and actually raise my standard of living on my income alone(assuming moderate spousal support/nothing insane happens)

I feel like she is holding me back from being the best version of myself. 

Neither of us can stand one another's family.

So any suggestions from people who have been in a similar situation and manged to make it work? What would you do in my shoes?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I don't know why you haven't done so already. It is clear you have contempt for her. Why are you looking for support in a decision you have essentially already made?

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

She has job and income.
You have job income and career.

If you get "more together" then that means kids and share in company. If you're not seeing much of each other now and things are tough it is just going to get worse. I don't think she sounds the type who wants to be the "powerhouse behind the man who succeeds" and you'll need her to be that.

You're at the point in your lives where you can still part without too much complex lawyering (if you buy the business, they you may have to sell it or all its assets to pay out her half of the communal property).
There's still not kids...which would mean at least a 20yr commitment from both of you - and you'll have to put company first at a time when she would need you to back her up - company first since you'll be the main (or solo) provider for all three/four/etc of you.

Definitely time to part because the next 5yrs are going to be some of the hardest in both of your lives.


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## Marko86 (Jun 20, 2016)

Thank you for the insights more than anything just looking to see if anyone had any suggestions or insights that I may have been overlooking(or tell me if I am straight up insane).


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Marko86 said:


> Thank you for the insights more than anything just looking to see if anyone had any suggestions or insights that I may have been overlooking(or tell me if I am straight up insane).


I want to get this clear though, your reasons for divorce could be summed up as:

1. I've got a great financial opportunity, and I don't want to share that with my wife.
2. I could have a cheaper life alone.
3. I think she holds me back from being the best I can be.
4. I don't like her family and she doesn't like mine.

There's always the standard of marital counseling. Don't know if it would help in your situation though. Perhaps marriage is not for you. 

What are the issues in your marriage? How is she holding you back?

What are the issues with each others' in-laws? Why hasn't something been done?

ETA: There are plenty of good reasons for divorce. You haven't really listed any as far as I can tell.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Kivlor;15964425
1. I've got a great financial opportunity said:


> He summed it up well.. Fist you havent got the first clue of what a REAL marriage is. You are selfish, and thinking only of you.
> THAT IS A VERY GOOD REASON TO DIVORCE.
> 
> she deserves a team player, not a greedy dude. Marriage is about sharing EVERYTHING. and you sir are just not interested in that. So yeah, go ahead file for divorce. Better now than later. and seriously....dont marry again. I dont think you are marriage material. Its not a bad thing....I just dont think its YOUR thing.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

To sum things real easy, you two are not compatible.

Just divorce. It's the best thing in your case. 

Your marriage didn't stand a chance from the get go. You married due to being pressured. Resentment builds when pressure and not a strong love bond is added to a relationship. I think that resentment built in both of you!

Pull the plug!


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## Marko86 (Jun 20, 2016)

Kivlor said:


> I want to get this clear though, your reasons for divorce could be summed up as:
> 
> 1. I've got a great financial opportunity, and I don't want to share that with my wife.
> 2. I could have a cheaper life alone.
> ...



Answers to questions posed above are below:
1. Not that I don't want to share with her, more worried I will take this on and we will end up in divorce in the future and rather not add the complication of a business in with other assets we already have.

2. Yes this is true

3. she holds me back by relying on me heavily as she does not drive(and refuses to learn)she is constantly relying on me to drive her to/from work/appointments/friends houses. We have had conversations about this but she just refuses to use public transportation and blames me for her not doing things because I am unavailable to drive her. This prevents me from putting in the hours and focus I need at work at times. This also prevents me from being able to do many other things due to having to drive her. Housework also does not get done by her so if she is away the house stays much cleaner and functional as there aren't clothes/dishes/etc being left around the house. This is to the point where she will stack trash ontop of the thrash can if the can is full and I am not home to empty it.

4. She thinks my family is judgmental of her(which may be the case) so doesn't like spending time around them. Her family is religious(I am the farthest thing from that) which leads to issues as they try to push it on me. They also drink a lot(always to excess) and ***** about whatever family member isn't there and I can't stand that. 


It certainly may be that marriage just isn't for me and I would be better off flying solo.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

Marko86 said:


> This is to the point where she will stack trash ontop of the thrash can if the can is full and I am not home to empty it.


That would drive me nuts, how lazy can you be to stack trash on top of trash because you can't be bothered to walk it 20 feet out the door?

I'm sure your wife has great qualities, none seem to be what you're looking for that counter-act the bad ones. You already completely checked out of the marriage. I would definitely divorce before you make any huge financial decisions.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

She's treating you like her daddy. She's lazy and immature. And, she is not a team player. Let someone else be her chauffeur and cleaning lady.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

For me, I detect you are more engrossed in your career and upcoming business to even consider nurturing a marriage. I believe you have already chosen the path that works for you. Now do what you must.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Marko86 said:


> Answers to questions posed above are below:
> 1. Not that I don't want to share with her, more worried I will take this on and we will end up in divorce in the future and rather not add the complication of a business in with other assets we already have.
> 
> 2. Yes this is true
> ...


So, here's my question: What makes you think a divorce is inevitable? Is she doing something that makes you think she'll file? Or do you think you're going to divorce her no matter what?

Are your interactions with her parents uncomfortable, or hostile? Is there a reason she feels your family is hostile toward her?


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## Marko86 (Jun 20, 2016)

Kivlor said:


> So, here's my question: What makes you think a divorce is inevitable? Is she doing something that makes you think she'll file? Or do you think you're going to divorce her no matter what?
> 
> Are your interactions with her parents uncomfortable, or hostile? Is there a reason she feels your family is hostile toward her?



I feel like with me being busier yet with my career as would be expected to happen with taking it over that she would not be able to deal with me not being able to drive her around and having less time to cleanup the house after her. 

My interactions with her family are more uncomfortable and less hostile. The reasons she gives is that my sister always talks over her and about herself and in general they do not try to make conversation with her.


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