# Cheated



## Mastersongym

Hi,

ok so me and my wife have been married for 10 years, she is a few years older then I am but that has never been an issue.
I could out recently that when we first got together and before we were married that she cheated on me on a ladies night, she flashed her tits to a stripper and ended up giving him a bj, he didn’t cum but she did it for about a minute. I know it happened as I have seen a video of it.
She has also sent a nude pic and video of herself to a lad when I was away on business. 

we have 2 kids together and I just do know what to do.


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## Kaliber

Hi @Mastersongym sorry you're here mate!
You will get help from experienced people who went through infidelity.
But I want you to answer these questions:

*The guy she sent nudes and videos to is he local, and is there a possibility she could have meet him?
What she did, is it a dealbreaker for you?*


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## Diana7

If a guy I was with had done that with a stripper I wouldn't have married him. She showed you then what she was like. You overlooked that and now she has acted badly again at least once. 
What does she say about the recent event? How did you find out?


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## Mastersongym

Diana7 said:


> If a guy I was with had done that with a stripper I wouldn't have married him. She showed you then what she was like. You overlooked that and now she has acted badly again at least once.
> What does she say about the recent event? How did you find out?


My post was a little misleading. I didn’t know she had done that with the stripper when I married her, it was only in the last few weeks that I found that out. 
she had a massive fall out with a friend, and her friend sent me the video!


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## Mastersongym

Kaliber said:


> Hi @Mastersongym sorry you're here mate!
> You will get help from experienced people who went through infidelity.
> But I want you to answer these questions:
> 
> *The guy she sent nudes and videos to is he local, and is there a possibility she could have meet him?
> What she did, is it a dealbreaker for you?*


the guy lives about 15 miles away so there is a chance that they could have met.

we have been threw a rocky patch recently. Had a few problems and things have been a bit weird. I have recently had to retire from my work at 32 and found it quite hard to deal with


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## Marc878

Serial cheater. DNA the kids and divorce her.

You probably only know the tip of the iceberg.


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## GusPolinski

Mastersongym said:


> Hi,
> 
> ok so me and my wife have been married for 10 years, she is a few years older then I am but that has never been an issue.
> I could out recently that when we first got together and before we were married that she cheated on me on a ladies night, she flashed her tits to a stripper and ended up giving him a bj, he didn’t cum but she did it for about a minute. I know it happened as I have seen a video of it.
> She has also sent a nude pic and video of herself to a lad when I was away on business.
> 
> we have 2 kids together and I just do know what to do.


Have you heard of this cool new thing called divorce?


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## GusPolinski

Marc878 said:


> Serial cheater. DNA the kids and divorce her.
> 
> You probably only know the tip of the iceberg.


Yup.

Serials don’t stop — never ever.


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## re16

STD test, DNA test for you and kids, and call a lawyer.

You've found the tip of an iceberg.

Call the friend who sent the video and probe for information, just so it bolsters your decision to divorce.


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## Nailhead

Mastersongym said:


> My post was a little misleading. I didn’t know she had done that with the stripper when I married her, it was only in the last few weeks that I found that out.
> she had a massive fall out with a friend, and her friend sent me the video!


Sorry. There is much more than you know. I recommend call it a day with this marriage.


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## DallasCowboyFan

How long ago did she send the nude pic and video?


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## Mastersongym

re16 said:


> STD test, DNA test for you and kids, and call a lawyer.
> 
> You've found the tip of an iceberg.
> 
> Call the friend who sent the video and probe for information, just so it bolsters your decision to divorce.


I’m sure if she had an STd then so would I?


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## Mastersongym

DallasCowboyFan said:


> How long ago did she send the nude pic and video?


It was about 3 years ago


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## DallasCowboyFan

3 years ago is fresh. Do you know the motivation for the friend who is sharing these things with you? Just curious. You need to get out. She did stuff long ago and has had a chance to change even though you weren't aware and she has done more in the last few years. It is what it is


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## Mr.Married

Were you engaged during the stripper event or casually dating.... or what ?

Define “first got together”


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## SunCMars

I suspect the collective and majority opinion will say you must divorce.

At first _red blush_, and her second red flag, your wife has twice betrayed you.

There may be mitigating circumstances that you might apply.
This remains to be seen.

As others have mentioned, you need to talk to her friend, the one who held that secret for all those years, now giving it up to you.
Why did she do this?

You mentioned a fall-out.
Are there new revelations to be had by her?

If you are a black and white thinker, she must be divorced.
If you are a very reasonable man, one easily given to forgiving, you might get past this.

Yes, provided your wife does all those humbling things, plus owning admissions, and her having true remorse.

What say you?



_Nemesis-_


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## Mastersongym

DallasCowboyFan said:


> 3 years ago is fresh. Do you know the motivation for the friend who is sharing these things with you? Just curious. You need to get out. She did stuff long ago and has had a chance to change even though you weren't aware and she has done more in the last few years. It is what it is


her friend sent me the video as they had fallen out.


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## Mastersongym

Mr.Married said:


> Were you engaged during the stripper event or casually dating.... or what ?
> 
> Define “first got together”


We were engaged, she was very drunk when it happened, not that makes it ok.


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## Mastersongym

SunCMars said:


> I suspect the collective and majority opinion will say you must divorce.
> 
> At first _red blush_, and her second red flag, your wife has twice betrayed you.
> 
> There may be mitigating circumstances that you might apply.
> This remains to be seen.
> 
> As others have mentioned, you need to talk to her friend, the one who held that secret for all those years, now giving it up to you.
> Why did she do this?
> 
> You mentioned a fall-out.
> Are there new revelations to be had by her?
> 
> If you are a black and white thinker, she must be divorced.
> If you are a very reasonable man, one easily given to forgiving, you might get past this.
> 
> Yes, provided your wife does all those humbling things, plus owning admissions, and her having true remorse.
> 
> What say you?
> 
> 
> 
> _Nemesis-_


her friend passed the video on to me after they had a fallout. She said that I was a good guy and could t keep it from me any longer.
We have had a rocky patch due to me retiring from professional sport after 15 years. I had to retire due to injury so my mental health has struggled with normal day to day life as it was an injury that forced me to retire immediately.
She don’t know that I have found out about the nude pics yet or the video of the stripper.


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## Diana7

Mastersongym said:


> We were engaged, she was very drunk when it happened, not that makes it ok.


Its a shame that this person didn't tell you at the time so you could have called off the wedding.


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## Al_Bundy

Aside from this mess you need to find a mentor who has made the transition from sport to civilian life and can help you get through this process to find another purpose for your life. Once you get your head back where it should be, you'll be able to sort out this mess without any problems.


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## Mastersongym

Diana7 said:


> Its a shame that this person didn't tell you at the time so you could have called off the wedding.


They were good friends and probably thought she was protecting her.


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## Diana7

Mastersongym said:


> They were good friends and probably thought she was protecting her.


Yes, sad though. It may be worth asking the friend if there are any other occasions where your wife did something like this.


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## Mastersongym

Diana7 said:


> Yes, sad though. It may be worth asking the friend if there are any other occasions where your wife did something like this.


Yes that could be an idea, although I think I would be scared to find out the answer!


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## Lostinthought61

When are you going to expose this to her?


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## Diana7

Mastersongym said:


> Yes that could be an idea, although I think I would be scared to find out the answer!


Do you think it would be easier to make a decision if you could know more?


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## Mastersongym

Lostinthought61 said:


> When are you going to expose this to her?


I don’t know! It’s weird I know it sounds stupid but if I do decide to forgive her then I’m not sure there is a reason to tell her I know


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## Mastersongym

Diana7 said:


> Do you think it would be easier to make a decision if you could know more?


Yeah maybe, the kids are still young and ohm be never wanted them to come from a broken home.

maybe it’s all my fault, I’ve had a good career and she’s never had to do anything work wise. With me spending a lot of time training and doing club work maybe she got bored with me


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## Diana7

Mastersongym said:


> Yeah maybe, the kids are still young and ohm be never wanted them to come from a broken home.
> 
> maybe it’s all my fault, I’ve had a good career and she’s never had to do anything work wise. With me spending a lot of time training and doing club work maybe she got bored with me


Being bored is no excuse to cheat ever.


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## Mastersongym

Diana7 said:


> Being bored is no excuse to cheat ever.


Yeah I know but maybe I wasn’t there for her or wasn’t showing her enough attention


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## Diana7

Mastersongym said:


> Yeah I know but maybe I wasn’t there for her or wasn’t showing her enough attention


So you think it's ok to cheat for those reasons?


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## Mastersongym

Diana7 said:


> So you think it's ok to cheat for those reasons?


I’m not saying it’s ever ok to cheat!


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## Trident

Mastersongym said:


> her friend passed the video on to me after they had a fallout. She said that I was a good guy and could t keep it from me any longer.


Not that it's all that relevant but her friend is a vengeful deceitful person whose motivations have nothing whatsoever to do with you.


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## manfromlamancha

Look mate, this was not cheating due to boredom or lack of attention from you! This was early on in your relationship and you were just engaged. This was not her seeking attention in the arms of another man or an affair or anything! This was a fundamental lack of moral fibre - she was drunk, horny and did what she did thinking you would never find out! This is not a neglected wife but an immoral deceitful person! And now you are trying to blame yourself ?!?!?!?

Also even if you want to forgive her, you need to firstly dig as deep as you can so that you have the entire picture (or as much of it as you can) before you forgive anything; and secondly once you know more, you need to give her the chance to come clean and see what she says without revealing what you have found out, to see if she is worth forgiving now. And if she does come clean she needs to do a list of things to reassure you including an explanation of why (and don't accept "I don't know") she did it, details of all her transgressions, complete transparency and a readiness to accept your anger until you are ready to forgive and heal - i.e. show real remorse and not just regret at being outed.

Finally, as others have said you need to get help adjusting to everyday life and work etc - you need to find a job unless you physically cannot work.

Good luck!


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## Al_Bundy

Trident said:


> Not that it's all that relevant but her friend is a vengeful deceitful person whose motivations have nothing whatsoever to do with you.


My experience has been friends like that usually have dirt on each other. I'm sure she knows other stuff but maybe this was something she could share without her being the only source. Who knows.


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## Lostinthought61

Mastersongym said:


> I don’t know! It’s weird I know it sounds stupid but if I do decide to forgive her then I’m not sure there is a reason to tell her I know


Seriously you are already thinking of forgiving her before exposing her..god your a tool.


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## jlg07

Mastersongym said:


> Yeah I know but maybe I wasn’t there for her or wasn’t showing her enough attention


Her cheating is 100% on HER -- NOT anything that YOU caused. This is a flaw in HER character.
Also, you NEED to find out everything you can -- otherwise you really won't know what you are forgiving.
I BET there is a lot more you don't know anything about. Her ex-friend may be a good source of other lies your W has told you. BUT make sure you verify things and don't just accept it at face value (the friend MAY be trying to screw her over).


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## Mr Steel

I would bail on this relationship. Once trust is broken its a tricky thing to repair. Also seems like she doesn't respect you which is something required for a healthy marriage. .


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## Marc878

Mastersongym said:


> Yes that could be an idea, although I think I would be scared to find out the answer!


Fear will just keep you bound. Better wake up.


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## aine

OP, does she drink alot when she goes out with friends/ Sounds like it and then anything goes. In that case, it will happen again, get out now.


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## SunCMars

Mastersongym said:


> Yes that could be an idea, although I think I would be scared to find out the answer!


If that is you in your Avatar pic....

Her ex-friend and lesser mortals should be the one's scared.

Well, TBH, not so me and my comrades.



_UlyssesHeart-_


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## Lostinthought61

Clearly the OP is afraid of his own shadow...and this is how beta males are born.


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## Rob_1

Lostinthought61 said:


> Clearly the OP is afraid of his own shadow...and this is how beta males are born.


well, yes, but apparently, now that OP is out of work and is not feeling confident enough on himself like he probably was when he was a "big shot" in the sport world, the wife is pissy about it, and not longer sees him manly, but as a beta male and most likely feeling out like "monkey branching" in order to get what she cannot longer get (at the moment) from OP. He's therefore feeling cornered and doesn't know what to do since he cannot longer provide like he use to. 

All I can say to the OP is that if she's already having inappropriate interchanges with other dudes, then the solution is easy: Kick her to the curb. A man that knowingly let his woman disrespect him that much is a man that has not self respect and dignity. This is not time to be afraid and using your kids as justification. Kids in the long run will be OK if both individuals co-parent as it should be for their sake. This is the time for you to pick up your balls, your dignity and your self-respect and pride and put and end to the situation, one way or another. Do not let fear to rule you. Unless you're now handicapped and cannot longer work (but you still have choices to make), at least you know that somewhere, somehow the future is waiting for you for your new enterprises. It's just that is up to you whether that future is of your own making or somebody would determined it for you. CHOOSE.


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## Al_Bundy

Rob_1 said:


> well, yes, but apparently, now that OP is out of work and is not feeling confident enough on himself like he probably was when he was a "big shot" in the sport world, the wife is pissy about it, and not longer sees him manly, but as a beta male and most likely feeling out like "monkey branching" in order to get what she cannot longer get (at the moment) from OP. He's therefore feeling cornered and doesn't know what to do since he cannot longer provide like he use to.
> 
> All I can say to the OP is that if she's already having inappropriate interchanges with other dudes, then the solution is easy: Kick her to the curb. A man that knowingly let his woman disrespect him that much is a man that has not self respect and dignity. This is not time to be afraid and using your kids as justification. Kids in the long run will be OK if both individuals co-parent as it should be for their sake. This is the time for you to pick up your balls, your dignity and your self-respect and pride and put and end to the situation, one way or another. Do not let fear to rule you. Unless you're now handicapped and cannot longer work (but you still have choices to make), at least you know that somewhere, somehow the future is waiting for you for your new enterprises. It's just that is up to you whether that future is of your own making or somebody would determined it for you. CHOOSE.


There's an interview with Aubry Huff on Entrepreneurs in Cars (youtube) where he talks about that exact thing. Baseball was his identity and he went from hot shot to the guy doing laundry and sitting in the car line at his kids school.


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## Rob_1

Al_Bundy said:


> There's an interview with Aubry Huff on Entrepreneurs in Cars (youtube) where he talks about that exact thing. Baseball was his identity and he went from hot shot to the guy doing laundry and sitting in the car line at his kids school.


Yes, it happens to a lot of people males and females. The thing is we need to find a way to pick ourselves up (although in today's times, things are not very bright for people seeking a job (there's plenty of jobs, but to make ends meet), OP needs to use all his resources (specially contacts in his previous sport world) to find something. Searching for a job is a job in itself, and it should be taken with extreme seriousness, dedication, and plenty of time.


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## HappilyMarried1

Hey @Mastersongym a question that I did not see that you have mentioned in any of your post. What has your wife said about both of these issues especially about the incident with the stripper. I assume the nude pic and video was know to you before the stripper video. My question is how has she responded about the stripper since she not only cheated on you but if it happened right before you were married she has kept this and lied to you for over 10 years now. What has she said about this I for one would like to here her explainations about these issues of infidelity.


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## Diana7

HappilyMarried1 said:


> Hey @Mastersongym a question that I did not see that you have mentioned in any of your post. What has your wife said about both of these issues especially about the incident with the stripper. I assume the nude pic and video was know to you before the stripper video. My question is how has she responded about the stripper since she not only cheated on you but if it happened right before you were married she has kept this and lied to you for over 10 years now. What has she said about this I for one would like to here her explainations about these issues of infidelity.


I don't think he has told her he knows.


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## HappilyMarried1

Diana7 said:


> I don't think he has told her he knows.


Oh okay I wonder why then that is some pretty bad stuff. thanks


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## Anastasia6

Mastersongym said:


> They were good friends and probably thought she was protecting her.


Ok here are my thoughts.

Married people normally need to spend time together to keep their bond. You admit you ignored her probably the bond is broken. It maybe can't be repaired.

After finding out what you have found out would you want to repair it.

Last but not LEAST the friend is trying to exact revenge. She mad about the falling out. Anything she has pics or vids of maybe be truthful everything else may not be. Doesn't hurt to ask but keep the source in mind. And friend maybe trying to free you up for her own benefit. Whatever you do don't show this friend any time or interest beyond any fact finding you might want.


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## Rob_1

Anastasia6 said:


> Ok here are my thoughts.
> 
> Married people normally need to spend time together to keep their bond. You admit you ignored her probably the bond is broken. It maybe can't be repaired.
> 
> After finding out what you have found out would you want to repair it.
> 
> Last but not LEAST the friend is trying to exact revenge. She mad about the falling out. Anything she has pics or vids of maybe be truthful everything else may not be. Doesn't hurt to ask but keep the source in mind. And friend maybe trying to free you up for her own benefit. Whatever you do don't show this friend any time or interest beyond any fact finding you might want.


I would advice the OP quite the contrary. I would advice the OP to milk out the "friend" for everything he can get out her, corroborated or not, for the OP to have a clearer idea of what his wife has been up to, and who else she can mention that knows anything. 
OP, if you can discover all the dirt on your wife, you'll have a better picture of what are you really dealing with.
If it's something that you can live with or not. That is, if you're going to do anything about it.


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## Anastasia6

Rob_1 said:


> I would advice the OP quite the contrary. I would advice the OP to milk out the "friend" for everything he can get out her, corroborated or not, for the OP to have a clearer idea of what his wife has been up to, and who else she can mention that knows anything.
> OP, if you can discover all the dirt on your wife, you'll have a better picture of what are you really dealing with.
> If it's something that you can live with or not. That is, if you're going to do anything about it.


I never said don't milk her for information. I said take the source into consideration.
Everything the friend says (whose mad at her) isn't necessarily true. It does give him a place to start.

On the other hand maybe he's already done?


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## SunCMars

Anastasia6 said:


> I never said don't milk her for information. I said take the source into consideration.
> Everything the friend says (whose mad at her) isn't necessarily true. It does give him a place to start.
> 
> On the other hand maybe he's already done?


Agreed..

She has not left him with much of a choice.

A choice that his family and any friends who find out, would agree with.

How might they find out?

That ex BFF of his wife, likely told others, who will tell others.


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## Rob_1

Anastasia6 said:


> I never said don't milk her for information. I said take the source into consideration.
> Everything the friend says (whose mad at her) isn't necessarily true. It does give him a place to start.
> 
> On the other hand maybe he's already done?


Agreed. You always need to take into consideration the who and why the info is being provided, unless it is an irrefutable proof like a video, then the motive (s) don't matter.


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## Evinrude58

Your wife gave a stripper a blow job. It was videoed? Then she sent nude pictures and such to another guy?

she’s not marriage material. Do what you want out of fear or whatever….
But you’d be better if getting rid of her.


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## Trident

Evinrude58 said:


> Your wife gave a stripper a blow job. It was videoed? Then she sent nude pictures and such to another guy?
> 
> she’s not marriage material. Do what you want out of fear or whatever….
> But you’d be better if getting rid of her.


I'm going to try to put a positive spin on this one. Clearly she's proud of her work.


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## DLC

If she is capable is doing those at the get go, she can do it again when the wrong thing happens at the wrong place and wrong time. So to speak.

having said that, I do believe people can change for the better when there is good supporting system. It’s when the situation turns bad, then they may lose the self control and go back their “old self”.


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## Evinrude58

Trident said:


> I'm going to try to put a positive spin on this one. Clearly she's proud of her work.


Lmao. I needed that 😂


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