# Recently Learned MIL had long-term affair with FIL’s coworker for 10 years



## kad216 (8 mo ago)

I’m not sure if this post is appropriate for this forum because there is not any infidelity in my relationship with my husband, but we recently found out, through my husband’s sister, that my mother in law cheated on my husband’s father for 10 years with one of his coworkers. What bothers me about this is that I wrongly assumed they were a wonderful example of a healthy and successful marriage, though I realize no relationship is perfect, and I’m pretty disappointed to discover my husband’s mom has such major and persistent character flaws. 

My husband’s parents are still together, and the affair caused a lot of conflict in MIL’s family. MIL’s sister found out about the affair through someone else (a friend) and saw nude photos that were sent, the sister showed the evidence to their brother and MIL’s siblings told my husband’s father about the affair. MIL hated her siblings for a long time for exposing the affair, which was always a source of confusion for me at family events until sister in law told us about it. After I heard the story I started asking questions about MIL’s first husband because she always resented him even though she left him. 

Well, she cheated on him too… When her first husband found out about the affair he offered to work it out but she left him instead, this was while he was deployed in the military. And she took his kids away, my husband’s half siblings, and re-married my husband’s father. I’m really not sure how to feel about it. I have no idea how she could betray my husband’s father when he took her in as a single mom, supported her two kids, paid for everything, supported her as a SAHM when they had 2 more kids, and she turns around and cheats on him. I’m not sure I will ever respect or look at her the same way, and it makes me sad because I truly loved and respected her for who I thought she was. 

Another thing that bothers me is that my husband always talks about how he was just ignored as the youngest child. His mom was in the middle of an affair throughout my husbands childhood, so now I understand why she wasn’t very motherly or involved. What kind of mother prioritizes their affair partner to the detriment of their children? She had 4 kids at home and she was busy having sex with my father in law’s coworker. 

And then there’s the fact that she literally humiliated my father in law at his work. The man she had the affair with also had children and a wife. I believe he was fired when the affair was exposed. My father in law is the kindest man and it seriously breaks my heart to imagine him finding out his wife betrayed him with a co-worker for a decade. I don’t know how to reconcile the person I thought she was with the person she actually is. I guess I’m just looking to see if anyone has advice on how to process these feelings.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

I distance myself from the adulterous. They are all scum.

A 10 year affair, there's no redemption for her, she's a sub-human animal to my mind.

I won't blame you if you want nothing further to do with her.

I have to say, I find it rather weak of your FIL that he stays with her. I can't even imagine staying with a woman after a single ONS.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

The only advice that I can offer for this mess is to support your husband and FIL.
Write off the MIL as the trash she is. Deal with her accordingly.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Dictum Veritas said:


> I have to say, I find it rather weak of your FIL that he stays with her. I can't even imagine staying with a woman after a single ONS.


He is probably still in shock. Wait until he really gets pissed.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My guess is this happened some years ago and was rug-swept by your FIL because he didn’t want to break up his family? Or was it more recent? Was FIL the man she cheated with in her first marriage or was he just the trusting, naive guy who took her and her children in after her divorce? As to your MIL, the lesson learned there is that you never know what someone else is capable of. Minimize your contact as much as you can if you aren’t comfortable with her since you probably will still see her frequently if your husband does. Your FIL made his choice at the time so now the situation is what it is. A good example of how infidelity affects the entire family.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

kad216 said:


> I’m not sure if this post is appropriate for this forum because there is not any infidelity in my relationship with my husband, but we recently found out, through my husband’s sister, that my mother in law cheated on my husband’s father for 10 years with one of his coworkers. What bothers me about this is that I wrongly assumed they were a wonderful example of a healthy and successful marriage, though I realize no relationship is perfect, and I’m pretty disappointed to discover my husband’s mom has such major and persistent character flaws.
> 
> My husband’s parents are still together, and the affair caused a lot of conflict in MIL’s family. MIL’s sister found out about the affair through someone else (a friend) and saw nude photos that were sent, the sister showed the evidence to their brother and MIL’s siblings told my husband’s father about the affair. MIL hated her siblings for a long time for exposing the affair, which was always a source of confusion for me at family events until sister in law told us about it. After I heard the story I started asking questions about MIL’s first husband because she always resented him even though she left him.
> 
> ...


Kind usually means passive and passive men get cheated on. People who don't divorce cheaters bring generational toxic chaos into families. Sad.


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## kad216 (8 mo ago)

Dictum Veritas said:


> I distance myself from the adulterous. They are all scum.
> 
> A 10 year affair, there's no redemption for her, she's a sub-human animal to my mind.
> 
> ...


I totally agree. It’s hard for me to understand, but I believe he stayed for my husband and his siblings because the younger 2 were still kids at the time. Even though the older 2 were not his kids biologically he raised them and always treated them like they were. My sister in law, one of the 2 siblings from MIL’s previous marriage, was equally disgusted with her mom when she found out but she eventually forgave her since she wants her mom in her daughter’s lives (understandable). We don’t have any kids yet. 

I still have a lot of respect for my father in law as a person because he is incredibly kind and smart, and he has always had a very special relationship with my husband (the youngest of the 4). It just kills me to imagine how he felt when he was told his wife betrayed him, with a coworker no less, and then the fact he had to find out from MIL’s siblings (and thank god they told him - I have a lot of respect for them for that). 

I said the same thing when I found out. That maybe (BIG maybe) I could see forgiving a one time thing, but a 10 year affair? I don’t think that kind if betrayal is forgivable under any circumstances because she was clearly in love with the other man.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

kad216 said:


> I said the same thing when I found out. That maybe (BIG maybe) I could see forgiving a one time thing, but a 10 year affair? I don’t think that kind if betrayal is forgivable under any circumstances because she was clearly in love with the other man.


I highly doubt she has the first idea what love is actually. Lust and betrayal, yes, love, nope.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

A perfect example of the old saying, "evil walks among us"!


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## kad216 (8 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> My guess is this happened some years ago and was rug-swept by your FIL because he didn’t want to break up his family? Or was it more recent? Was FIL the man she cheated with in her first marriage or was he just the trusting, naive guy who took her and her children in after her divorce? As to your MIL, the lesson learned there is that you never know what someone else is capable of. Minimize your contact as much as you can if you aren’t comfortable with her since you probably will still see her frequently if your husband does. Your FIL made his choice at the time so now the situation is what it is. A good example of how infidelity affects the entire family.


Correct, this was years ago. I believe this was over 10 years ago now, but my sister in law only found out 1-2 years ago when my MIL’s sister told her. I’m not sure how it was brought up, but I think SIL was looking for an explanation on the animosity and tension among the extended family during and around that period of time. 

MIL doesn’t participate in a lot of the casual family gatherings with extended family, still to this day, because of the tension. Until we found out about the affair, I never understood why MIL was so ambivalent towards her siblings because they are all incredibly kind and loving people. Now it all makes sense. 

I do think FIL made the right choice at the time because he had a major influence on the person my husband is. If I have the timeline correct MIL was having an affair for a good portion of my husband’s childhood, from around the time he was a toddler.


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## DosEquis (5 mo ago)

Stories like this make my blood boil. Hopefully your DIL is kicking her to the curb and divorcing her with extreme prejudice. Deoending in your state, he can sue the POSOM for alienation of affection.

I agree with others...support your Dad In Law (along with your Husband) to the *max. *Cut off you POSMIL from all contact.

*10 years? * Utterly disgusting.


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

kad216 said:


> I totally agree. It’s hard for me to understand, but I believe he stayed for my husband and his siblings because the younger 2 were still kids at the time. Even though the older 2 were not his kids biologically he raised them and always treated them like they were. My sister in law, one of the 2 siblings from MIL’s previous marriage, was equally disgusted with her mom when she found out but she eventually forgave her since she wants her mom in her daughter’s lives (understandable). We don’t have any kids yet.
> 
> I still have a lot of respect for my father in law as a person because he is incredibly kind and smart, and he has always had a very special relationship with my husband (the youngest of the 4). It just kills me to imagine how he felt when he was told his wife betrayed him, with a coworker no less, and then the fact he had to find out from MIL’s siblings (and thank god they told him - I have a lot of respect for them for that).
> 
> I said the same thing when I found out. That maybe (BIG maybe) I could see forgiving a one time thing, but a 10 year affair? I don’t think that kind if betrayal is forgivable under any circumstances because she was clearly in love with the other man.


@
*kad216*

if you forgive her thats a message to your husbands that you forgive cheaters
stand solid, do not forgive her and even let her in your children lives
do not talk, speak, congrats, or even look at her

this is a solid message to protect you, and a strong respect to your father in law.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

How is your husband taking it? Does he want to still see her?
I suspect that your FIL is a decent man who didn't want to see the children suffer, especially the ones who had already had one broken home. Personally, I would have ended the marriage once the children were all adults. Did your FIL know that she had cheated on her first husband? 

My own dad cheated for many years, I only found out for sure many years later. It's hard.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Was your FIL the one she cheated with in her first marriage? If not, how soon after the divorce did she marry him (and start cheating)?


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> I highly doubt she has the first idea what love is actually. Lust and betrayal, yes, love, nope.


You’re right that she probably doesn’t truly know love but, LUST for 10 years???


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I know if I was your husband, I would cut mom out of your lives. I dang sure would not let the likes of her near your future children. How does your husband really know that your FIL is really his dad?


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Here I go stirring feathers again. I’m just wondering why we are so deeply involved in the marital lives of our in laws? It’s one thing to support your spouse who’s parents are having issues OR if you someone get drained into the middle of things, which really, you should be setting boundaries anyhow and saying no, I will be exiting this situation.

really though. How often to we hear of other poster complaining about their spouses parents or even there involving themselves in their marriages and it’s wreaking havoc? Take your report away and their report doesn’t belong to you either.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Tdbo said:


> The only advice that I can offer for this mess is to *support your husband and FIL.*
> Write off the MIL as the trash she is. Deal with her accordingly.


100% agree with this. Follow their lead as much as possible. If your husband wants to see her, you can still be polite, but distanced.

I honestly don't know what to say, how utterly devastating for the entire family. Kudo's to your MIL's siblings for telling your FIL. He had the right to know.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

kad216 said:


> Correct, this was years ago. I believe this was over 10 years ago now, but my sister in law only found out 1-2 years ago when my MIL’s sister told her. I’m not sure how it was brought up, but I think SIL was looking for an explanation on the animosity and tension among the extended family during and around that period of time.
> 
> MIL doesn’t participate in a lot of the casual family gatherings with extended family, still to this day, because of the tension. Until we found out about the affair, I never understood why MIL was so ambivalent towards her siblings because they are all incredibly kind and loving people. Now it all makes sense.
> 
> I do think FIL made the right choice at the time because he had a major influence on the person my husband is. If I have the timeline correct MIL was having an affair for a good portion of my husband’s childhood, from around the time he was a toddler.


That's so sad. 

How did the long term affair that your MIL had, eventually end? Did you learn if she was/is remorseful?


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Did your FIL ever Confront the co worker ?


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

@ kad216 Something tells me that, if she cheated with OM # 1 for ten freaking years, they may be more OM.

Should I dare say it? Serial cheater!


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Dictum Veritas said:


> [...]I can't even imagine staying with a woman after a single ONS.


Years ago, one of my brother's buddies was going out with a girl that had serious commitment issues, or so we thought. The went out for a year and then she began to pick fights with the guy left and right to the point they'd unofficially break up for a weekend. My brother knew this was going on because the dude used to call him up, go out with the boys and get wasted every time. Well, wouldn't you know it?! She'd call every Monday morning, 9AM on the spot, to "make up." This happened like five or six times... very tumultuous times.

Eventually we came to understand what she was doing: she'd meet a guy somewhere (we still don't know how she was meeting these men) and set up a date with a man, immediately call my brother's buddy and "break up." She'd then _rump-a-dump_ this man for the entire weekend (or so we suspect), call my unsuspecting brother's buddy on Monday and "make up." When the buddy found out, he confronted her on the serial cheating, and she would always say that "we were broken up, remember?!".

These people are out there folks...


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Here I go stirring feathers again. I’m just wondering why we are so deeply involved in the marital lives of our in laws? It’s one thing to support your spouse who’s parents are having issues OR if you someone get drained into the middle of things, which really, you should be setting boundaries anyhow and saying no, I will be exiting this situation.
> 
> really though. How often to we hear of other poster complaining about their spouses parents or even there involving themselves in their marriages and it’s wreaking havoc? Take your report away and their report doesn’t belong to you either.


I can share one scenario about getting involved with in-laws lives.

My wife came from a broken family with abusive parents, who were deceased when I met her. When we married, she and my parents hit it off and became very close, especially my wife and my mother. In some ways, MIL became her mother-she-never-had. They hung out and did girl-things together, talked on the phone every day, etc. Past tense because MIL is now deceased.

I get a hint of idolization in OP’s post, thus the long deception was so damaging.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I can share one scenario about getting involved with in-laws lives.
> 
> My wife came from a broken family with abusive parents, who were deceased when I met her. When we married, she and my parents hit it off and became very close, especially my wife and my mother. In some ways, MIL became her mother-she-never-had. They hung out and did girl-things together, talked on the phone every day, etc. Past tense because MIL is now deceased.
> 
> I get a hint of idolization in OP’s post, thus the long deception was so damaging.


This I feel is different as it’s a positive influence for your wife and marriage. I don’t know if I’m explaining correctly, I’m not saying turn a blind eye to bad behavior but there are just some things that really aren’t our business.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> This I feel is different as it’s a positive influence for your wife and marriage. I don’t know if I’m explaining correctly, I’m not saying turn a blind eye to bad behavior but there are just some things that really aren’t our business.


Positively interacting with people condones their actions. Is the cheating our business, yes it is. Anyone who condones adultery actively or tacitly is not to be part of my life.

Murderers, rapists and the adulterous are not to be tolerated, ever.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Positively interacting with people condones their actions. Is the cheating our business, yes it is. Anyone who condones adultery actively or tacitly is not to be part of my life.
> 
> Murderers, rapists and the adulterous are not to be tolerated, ever.


I was speaking to Beyond’s example of interaction with his mother and his wife. Not the original posters.


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## kad216 (8 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I can share one scenario about getting involved with in-laws lives.
> 
> My wife came from a broken family with abusive parents, who were deceased when I met her. When we married, she and my parents hit it off and became very close, especially my wife and my mother. In some ways, MIL became her mother-she-never-had. They hung out and did girl-things together, talked on the phone every day, etc. Past tense because MIL is now deceased.
> 
> I get a hint of idolization in OP’s post, thus the long deception was so damaging.


I’m not sure if I could say I idolized her, but I did respect and like her for being welcoming and kind to me. I never thought she was perfect because nobody is. I knew she left her first husband and I was always skeptical of her explanation for that, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt (as to why she’d take the 2 kids and move them far away from their father). I always thought highly of her and my FIL because they seemed to have a healthy and loving relationship. I think idealized would be a better way to describe it. 

I have a good relationship with both of my parents but they divorced, due to conflict/arguments (no infidelity), when I was 10. I think I idealized the idea of a “healthy” (whatever that means) intact family where the parents are still married since mine separated. I wrongly and naively assumed couples who stayed married had fewer issues than those that divorce. It’s just disappointing to learn that she is not the honest and caring person I thought she was. 

My mom married my stepdad when I was around 14, and he unfortunately died of colon cancer 2.5 years later. I bring this up because I loved my stepdad and he divorced his first wife due to her serial infidelity. Ironically his ex wife was also a catholic, like my MIL. My stepdad’s ex was cheating on him with lots of men, one of which was my stepdad’s nephew’s 20 year old friend, and I hated her for it because she talked badly about my mom for simply dating my stepdad when the ex was the one who cheated (and they were divorced). I remember seeing the pain my stepdad felt over his ex wife’s betrayal, and from then on, I’ve had very strong feelings against cheating/infidelity. The ex wife even came to stepdad’s funeral and cried over the man she chose to cheat on for years with multiple men, sometimes even while the children were in the house sleeping.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

kad216 said:


> I’m not sure if I could say I idolized her, but I did respect and like her for being welcoming and kind to me. I never thought she was perfect because nobody is. I knew she left her first husband and I was always skeptical of her explanation for that, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt (as to why she’d take the 2 kids and move them far away from their father). I always thought highly of her and my FIL because they seemed to have a healthy and loving relationship. I think idealized would be a better way to describe it.
> 
> I have a good relationship with both of my parents but they divorced, due to conflict/arguments (no infidelity), when I was 10. I think I idealized the idea of a “healthy” (whatever that means) intact family where the parents are still married since mine separated. I wrongly and naively assumed couples who stayed married had fewer issues than those that divorce. It’s just disappointing to learn that she is not the honest and caring person I thought she was.
> 
> My mom married my stepdad when I was around 14, and he unfortunately died of colon cancer 2.5 years later. I bring this up because I loved my stepdad and he divorced his first wife due to her serial infidelity. Ironically his ex wife was also a catholic, like my MIL. My stepdad’s ex was cheating on him with lots of men, one of which was my stepdad’s nephew’s 20 year old friend, and I hated her for it because she talked badly about my mom for simply dating my stepdad when the ex was the one who cheated (and they were divorced). I remember seeing the pain my stepdad felt over his ex wife’s betrayal, and from then on, I’ve had very strong feelings against cheating/infidelity. The ex wife even came to stepdad’s funeral and cried over the man she chose to cheat on for years with multiple men, sometimes even while the children were in the house sleeping.


When someone we think highly of betrays that memory, there’s not really a good way to process that. When I was barely a teen-ager, my grandma got falling down drunk and was extremely verbally abusive to me and my brother. This was 180 of her normal loving behavior. That betrayal never healed and even today is a scar. I cut her out of my life, but the memory never leaves.

I’ve learned that it’s best to understand there are <almost> always 2 people in every person. The one they show you and real one. Once in a blue moon the 2 people are the same.


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## kad216 (8 mo ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Here I go stirring feathers again. I’m just wondering why we are so deeply involved in the marital lives of our in laws? It’s one thing to support your spouse who’s parents are having issues OR if you someone get drained into the middle of things, which really, you should be setting boundaries anyhow and saying no, I will be exiting this situation.
> 
> really though. How often to we hear of other poster complaining about their spouses parents or even there involving themselves in their marriages and it’s wreaking havoc? Take your report away and their report doesn’t belong to you either.





Bulfrog1987 said:


> Here I go stirring feathers again. I’m just wondering why we are so deeply involved in the marital lives of our in laws? It’s one thing to support your spouse who’s parents are having issues OR if you someone get drained into the middle of things, which really, you should be setting boundaries anyhow and saying no, I will be exiting this situation.
> 
> really though. How often to we hear of other poster complaining about their spouses parents or even there involving themselves in their marriages and it’s wreaking havoc? Take your report away and their report doesn’t belong to you either.


It’s a fair question, and the truth is I never expected to learn she had an affair. I was asking my sister in law why mother in law has so much animosity towards her siblings because her siblings are wonderful people and it seems the animosity was only aimed at MIL. My sister in law asked if I really wanted to know the reason and I said yes. I had no idea it would be an affair. I have 2 sisters and it would take something very serious to affect our relationship for decades, so I was curious what could’ve happened to create so much conflict. 

It matters to me because it speaks to her character, or should I say, lack thereof.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Only your mother-in-law and father-in-law know the truth here. For all you know he could have been cheating before she ever did. Those things are rarely brought to light to the children. And you're also going by someone else's hearsay. If they have been good in-laws and you feel like they are good for your children and not acting reprehensibly in front of your children, I would just say stay out of it and realize you don't know everything and neither does the person who told you this.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Only your mother-in-law and father-in-law know the truth here. For all you know he could have been cheating before she ever did. Those things are rarely brought to light to the children. And you're also going by someone else's hearsay. If they have been good in-laws and you feel like they are good for your children and not acting reprehensively in front of your children, I would just say stay out of it and realize you don't know everything and neither does the person who told you this.


I agree. I had an affair over a decade ago. Some would beg this defines my character. I say it doesn’t as I learned from my mistake, given it was very short lived, not a decade more more which is insane. However… no one really knows the entirety of the situation but your inlaws.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

What does your husband say about it? Was he unaware of it?


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I agree. I had an affair over a decade ago. Some would beg this defines my character. I say it doesn’t as I learned from my mistake, given it was very short lived, not a decade more more which is insane. However… no one really knows the entirety of the situation but your inlaws.


Honestly, you might have learned from this, but it makes you persona-non-grata for people like me. We've been scarred by people who did what you did and we'd rather bet on people who hasn't proven that this is in their character.

Good luck with your future ventures, but you cannot blame someone like myself for rather not giving someone with your history a chance.

This is not meant to berate you as a person, but to highlight that certain choices have life-long consequences.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Honestly, you might have learned from this, but it makes you persona-non-grata for people like me. We've been scarred by people who did what you did and we'd rather bet on people who hasn't proven that this is in their character.
> 
> Good luck with your future ventures, but you cannot blame someone like myself for rather not giving someone with your history a chance.
> 
> This is not meant to berate you as a person, but to highlight that certain choices have life-long consequences.


Oh, no and I don’t take any of it personally. The post or your opinion at all. Totally understand that.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Oh, no and I don’t take any of it personally. The post or your opinion at all. Totally understand that.


Just a question, if you were on a date with someone like myself (let's imagine this is a good looking and interesting guy) and he asked you if you ever cheated, would you tell him the truth, knowing he'd never be yours once he knows?

Assuming you tell him the truth, how would you feel if he got up, asked for split cheques and left?

Again, this is to highlight to others how choices changes future chances, regardless of how much a person learns from them.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Just a question, if you were on a date with someone like myself (let's imagine this is a good looking and interesting guy) and he asked you if you ever cheated, would you tell him the truth, knowing he'd never be yours once he knows?
> 
> Assuming you tell him the truth, how would you feel if he got up, asked for split cheques and left?
> 
> Again, this is to highlight to others how choices changes future chances, regardless of how much a person learns from them.


It’s funny you ask this.. literally was just thinking how could I explain it is there even a point to explaining that I am open about this on all levels.

It would not bother me truly. I know who I am. It took mistakes, even some big ones to learn that part of me. The person has zero rights to my report card at that point and that is completely their right to leave. And I welcome that. I am totally transparent and the other man who comes in to my life deserves that regardless of how my affects his judgment of me.

It is indeed a consequence of my past.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> It’s funny you ask this.. literally was just thinking how could I explain it is there even a point to explaining that I am open about this on all levels.
> 
> It would not bother me truly. I know who I am. It took mistakes, even some big ones to learn that part of me. The person has zero rights to my report card at that point and that is completely their right to leave. And I welcome that. I am totally transparent and the other man who comes in to my life deserves that regardless of how my affects his judgment of me.
> 
> It is indeed a consequence of my past.


Thank you that you intend to be honest. You are not the only one with a past that would be a deal breaker to some. I have some things in my life that would be a deal-breaker for some too. As long as we are honest, we'd meet the right people (I'm married, but were I ever single again) as long as we do not do so by deceit.

I wish you well and know that people like me are not for you, but that doesn't mean others aren't.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Thank you that you intend to be honest. You are not the only one with a past that would be a deal breaker to some. I have some things in my life that would be a deal-breaker for some too. As long as we are honest, we'd meet the right people (I'm married, but were I ever single again) as long as we do not do so by deceit.
> 
> I wish you well and know that people like me are not for you, but that doesn't mean others aren't.


Thank you for not being such as hard A$$ 🙃😆


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Thank you for not being such as hard A$$ 🙃😆


We're all what we are.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> We're all what we are.


Yeah well. I appreciate your tact.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I agree. I had an affair over a decade ago. Some would beg this defines my character. I say it doesn’t as I learned from my mistake, given it was very short lived, not a decade more more which is insane. However… no one really knows the entirety of the situation but your inlaws.


 I read your story/posts and don't recall if your affair was physical or emotional. You were truly abused by your husband and if anyone deserved a break for their affair I would say it was you. I'm pretty hardline on cheating but your story is absolutely heartbreaking.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Rubix Cubed said:


> I read your story/posts and don't recall if your affair was physical or emotional. You were truly abused by your husband and if anyone deserved a break for their affair I would say it was you. I'm pretty hardline on cheating but your story is absolutely heartbreaking.


Unfortunately it was both. His abuse doesn’t justify what I did. I was very young, very naive and now know better entirely. I don’t blame others for judging me. I ‘could’ have left and in the same token it wasn’t that cut and dry.

Thank you for your understanding. I know the right person for me, should there be one in my future will be able to see my past through a lens of love and humanity and the same understanding. But I also don’t begrudge others for feeling differently. I get it.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Just a question, if you were on a date with someone like myself (let's imagine this is a good looking and interesting guy) and he asked you if you ever cheated, would you tell him the truth, knowing he'd never be yours once he knows?
> 
> Assuming you tell him the truth, how would you feel if he got up, asked for split cheques and left?
> 
> Again, this is to highlight to others how choices changes future chances, regardless of how much a person learns from them.


I did not ask, but one very attractive woman volunteered this info. It was weird. She was good looking, but vapid and thought I would be amused or impressed by it, I guess.
I abruptly ended that date.
There about 12 billion people on earth. I figured I could find someone with a better record.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Megaforce said:


> I did not ask, but one very attractive woman volunteered this info. It was weird. She was good looking, but vapid and thought I would be amused or impressed by it, I guess.
> I abruptly ended that date.
> There about 12 billion people on earth. I figured I could find someone with a better record.


Yeah that’s gross lol. I mean it’s not a badge of honor. But if I were asked I would totally be transparent.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No more threadjacking, please.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> No more threadjacking, please.


 Loud and clear.


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