# All this after 24 years. What should I do?



## Tugger (Nov 12, 2021)

Let’s start with 6 to 7 years ago we noticed my dad started loosing his memory at almost the same time my father in law was going through almost identical issues. within a year he went from being able to have a conversation to hallucinating getting violent with my mother in law Sheila. Our fear for her safety is what made us put Marc in a nursing home. My dad gradually was getting more confused every day. Christmas Eve that year Marc fell at the nursing home and broke his hip. He had a partial hip replacement but due to his failing condition he was unable to comprehend the rehab needed after surgery so now he is in a wheelchair the rest of his life. 8 months after Marc’s surgery Sheila suffered a severe stroke, crippling her left side after a lengthy stay in the hospital we were able to get her into the same nursing home as Marc. Sheila was in the nursing home with Marc for 10 months. Shortly after coming home Sheila suffered more strokes and spent a lot of time in Erie for care and rehabilitation. We were trying to get home help for Sheila but paperwork was taking forever Cheri spent the majority of her time at her moms house. I was working full time and trying to help my mom with my dad as much as I can I have been taking care of my aunt’s house mowing and fixing stuff along with my parents house and Cheri’s moms house. trying to keep our 2 boys focused on school. Months later we finally got some help coming in to Sheila’s these, let’s just call them bodies are horrible seems like all they are is fat,lazy,smelly people half are criminals the other half is just working the system for a paycheck. It is real hard to find and keep good workers.



I was getting stretched too thin at home and couldn’t take it anymore. told my aunt I can’t mow her yard anymore, to find someone else to do it. Her own kids rarely help her. I know her son Andy lives 6 hours away but her daughter and son-in-law are only 50 miles away in Erie. It just bugs me more that they don’t do much and we do everything we can for our parents. I don’t know if it’s wrong the way I feel or just maybe the way I was brought up.



Cheri is running herself into the ground she gets very little help from her brother. Sabrina living next door to Sheila has been a great help. Sheila has had a few set backs with falling but no major injuries. When Cheri does come home all she does is sleep and gets sick quite often I’m pretty sure it’s caused by stress. She hardly talks to me, our sex life went to almost nothing. I hear more about her through a 3rd party conversation than I do in person. I know she hates her life. 



While it was nice having Marc and Sheila in the nursing home together getting to see them together was nice and less stressful. After the pandemic hit stresses went way up Cheri is not doing well not being able to see her dad. Marc was sent to the hospital later in 2020 for a infection Cheri was able to go see and touch him for the first time in months. 2020 has caused numerous medication changes for Cheri and Sheila. To help them deal with this. I was moved down to working 3 days a week and not getting much in the way of unemployment. Cheri was getting some of the pandemic pay from unemployment that everyone else she works with is getting but for some odd reason her boss decided to play around with Cheri’s pay and got her kicked off the unemployment.. we had a good plan to pay some bills off but now we are unable. I ended up taking a payout from my 401k to payoff some of the large bills we had. I resent everyone at the Shawhouse. I would like to see that place burn to the ground. I have taken up a second job at the rod and gun club bartender it’s a easy job to compensate the lack of unemployment.



People say go to church talk to the pastor, talk to god. I do not believe in a god, if there was one I can’t think of why he/she would let this happen to my family or any family. My mom has to be the strongest woman in the world dealing with my dad’s dementia cleaning him feeding him. I only wish I was that strong. 



I truly think that Cheri hates me. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with it. I don’t say anything about what people say about her and the Shawhouse. I can’t do anything that seems to please her. She has talked to numerous people about leaving me. Going away and getting a apartment. I’m pretty sure that this will probably happen when her parents pass away, or sooner. I don’t think we will ever be the same again. 



I use to miss my sister but now I am so angry at her for leaving me to deal with this all by myself.



Against my better judgment I thought I bought Cheri a nice birthday gift I don’t think she likes it. I got very little response from her. She is constantly getting messages from other guys on her phone she responds to them more than me. I asked to use her car today cause mine was frozen over so I asked to use the Cadillac she said yes. As I got into the car I noticed her wallet and purse so I put them in Justin’s car so she could have them. I texted her what I did but she never responded I just figured she was sleeping, I think she is deleting so many texts from other people so no one sees them the she deleted mine. I went over to see her mom on my extended lunch Cheri was furious that I wasn’t at work when she can to get her wallet. She was yelling at me The whole time. Totally uncalled for. She can go out with her friends but won’t do anything with me. 



I spent all night at Cheri’s moms installing a washer and dryer and new front screen door on the house . Which I did all by myself I’m not looking for recognition just would like to be appreciated for what I do.





Easter has come and gone Cheri is staying at Jeff’s the weekend to watch his kids. None of this was brought by me to see what I thought probably cause they knew the answer. If I was a single dad with 2 kids if the kid’s don’t go on vacation then I don’t go on vacation especially when you have a son that is having medical issues. Cheri cares more about Jeff’s well being than mine. I might be just talking out my ass but it just doesn’t seem right to leave your kids home when they both have MAJOR issues. Everyone seems to cater to Jeff’s needs feeling sorry for him, excusing his behavior but those people are just enabling him. I mean if your own parents have or had nothing to do with you should be a giant clue. Jared and I stopped to see my parents it’s sad to see my dad struggle to recognize Jared.





Cheri isn’t feeling well again. I swear every time she has to plan to do something she gets sick, but if I say anything she gets mad. My prediction is she will be in bed when I get home sleeping, she will sleep all day and be up all night talking on the phone. I’ll have another night of no talking and alone in bed. I was right I talked to her at 3:35 and by the time I got home she was lying sleeping on the couch just as I said. She got really defensive about it when I said something. Probably should have just kept my mouth shut.



Actually had a real nice night last night no arguing Cheri has finally put in her notice at the Shawhouse I hope she can stay away from going back to that place



I really hope I get this COVID-19 and it kills me. I’m tired of it all.



Cheri’s mom wasn’t feeling good last night so she went up to stay with her. I was expecting some kind of text this morning but didn’t get one. When I made mention of it her response was immediately on the defensive. I wasn’t going to call and ask or stop especially if they didn’t get much sleep. I guess I care too much.



4/19 had to work over today thought maybe I would hear from her other than a stupid question on why the wheeler was in the back of the truck. She tells me to call but never answers the phone or any text messages I send. Had to help my mom get my dad to the bathroom. It was quite a chore. If mom doesn’t get some home help soon it will kill her. I talked to her about calling people and see what they can do to help. I pretty much begged her to call. 



Dad went to the er by ambulance this morning not responding very well. I called Cheri on my way home thinking maybe she would come with me I could use someone to lean on right now. I told her dad was going by ambulance but once again she didn’t hear me , and now that her friends found out about a ambulance call at my parents they started texting her, trying to save face with her friends cause now they know she didn’t come with me to the hospital. She now texts me to see if I need anything from her. I’m glad my mom learned to text me so I know what’s going on. 



4-22 

I asked Cheri if everything was ok with us she looked at me as if to say no but just said yes why? I told her I wasn’t sure cause she hasn’t touched me in 3 months. She just stared at me and didn’t say anything. Dad is coming home tomorrow I brought the hospital bed down from storage and put it together. Cheri was mad because I didn’t ask her for help but I feel I shouldn’t have to ask. I do anything and everything for her parents without being asked. She now made a remark about me going to the vets club on Friday nights. Going up there on Fridays . I just figured it was Friday and have a couple beverages talk to some friends and relax a littleI went to bed at my normal time about 9:45 she came in the room a little while later, sat on the edge of the bed I asked her what was wrong she didn’t say anything and got up and left. Something is definitely going to be coming to a head soon. I just wish she would say it and get it over with. 



Well, we got dad home he is really weak I’m going to have to help mom with all of his movements. He is really not eating very good something definitely went in his brain the disease is taking over more of him. My mom doesn’t want a DNR on him I disagree with this. We will be bringing this subject up again soon. 



4-24

Cheri went out with her friends last night totally doesn’t care about seeing me struggling to deal with this all.

I’ve been helping mom all weekend with dad it take a lot out of her I don’t know what to do if we don’t get help Monday the nurse is coming today to give us some help coming into the house.



4-25

Back to work tomorrow hopefully moms morning will go smooth speech therapy for dad tomorrow at noon. I seen today Cheri has her exboyfriend the one that beat her into a abortion and sees no issues with him being friends on Facebook. I’m so done with this ****! If I would have a exgirlfriend on my Facebook and that activity comment s on a post she would be furious. . Going to see what is going to happen today with me not signing up for overtime. 



4-29 

Mom decided to let dad go into a nursing home he is just too much for her. I pretty sure today will be the last day my dad spends at home. I’m sad that he is going but we just can’t give him the care he needs. Not to mention keep him safe from himself. I also can’t risk him accidentally hurting mom. Mom is overwhelmed with all the decisions she has to make. Dad patted my arm as they loaded him on the gurney.Watching them put dad into the ambulance was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. My mom and I held each other and cried.



5-3 

Went and seen dad today through the window in was nice to see him but unsatisfying cause you can’t talk to or touch him. 



5-17 

Mom finally got a appointment for a lawyer and one to go see dad I wish I could go with her. I’m getting tired of what it seems like just sharing a house with my my wife and kids.



6-7 

Dads been in the home for a month he seems ok but it’s hard to see him. We went to a lawyer today to see about a power of attorney for him and found out it’s impossible in his condition. So more than likely we will have to sell the house and move also sell the truck. 



7-3 

I have seen dad a few times he seems really adjatated can’t say I blame him I just wish I could get him to understand the problem. I want to grab a hold of him and get him to understand the situation and what’s going to happen. 



8-1 I had a breakdown at the home with my dad. I cried and pleaded with him but he showed no emotion at all. 



8-12

Still waiting for answers from the lawyers and the state I wish they would hurry up. It’s a lot of stress on my mom. No visits to home for two weeks boy I’m glad all this vaccines and masks are working ( insert sarcasm). 

8-23

Another Covid case at the home so no visits for 2 more weeks. All I can do is hope my dad doesn’t forget me. I was going to spend some time in the quietness of the camper. My mom wanted to talk to me so I can home to talk to her it wasn’t that important but if it makes her feel good talking and seeing me than I’m going to do it. Cheri was mad that I came home I must have ruined her plans or something. 

8-25 

Found out that Cheri thinks Kim A.has a kid that’s mine. Which is totally psychotic. She said she seen a picture of the kid and it looks like me so much she threw her phone. I was totally blindsided by this. She says for me to get a paternity test done but how do you tell a woman who you haven’t seen or talked to in probably 15 years that your wife has gone off the ****ing deep end and thinks that one of her kids is mine. How do you ask a woman to allow a paternity test be done on her child without pissing them off. Especially when they know you had nothing to do with her conceiving the child. Cheri would have to be the one giving the test or she would never believe the results if I did do the test. Even if I do all of this when the test comes back negative how can she take back what she said and how could she look the person that said all the stuff in the eye ever again. And this all stems from EJ making a joke cause we all made fun of Kim when she worked at Whirley. No one could stand to be around her she never shuts up and her voice is like nails on a chalkboard, is why we made fun of her. I didn’t think anything about the joke cause I would say the same thing to them. It was just work place banter. Kim had no idea what was being said. Well I guess someone believed what was being said cause it got back to Sheila, and she believed them without ever asking me about it. 2021 is a great year I’ve lost my dad, going to loose his truck, my house and now my family over something that someone said that’s not true. .

8-27

Went to the lawyers for dad’s guardianship. Got everything rolling on that the lawyers were very nice. Should know in about 2 weeks when the trial will be.



11-07

I don’t know what is keeping Cheri here. She never has anything nice to say to me, treats me like crap. She can’t even stand to stay in the same room as me.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I'm sorry @Tugger that you're having such a hard time. I was unable to read your entire post, but I think it's important for you to remove all identifying information. Using the real names and places of all involved isn't a good idea.


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