# Wife laughs at new ideas that she wouldn't have in the past



## kejsph (Dec 3, 2016)

Hi so been browsing around here the last couple weeks since I joined, and looking through some threads to see if I could find something similar to what I am experiencing. Found a couple threads and read through alot of them, and saw some good tips, but figured I would put this out there and see what happens! 

A little about us, 
So my wife and I have been married almost 5 years, together for almost 11, I am 32 she is 33, and things are pretty good all around. We have our little arguments, but one thing we always agreed on was that no matter how bad it was we would always move on and figure it out. I have a pretty demanding job that I have worked really hard to succeed at over the past 12 years, and she is always supportive as I am with her career path. She is in the final stages of finishing her degree currently, and working part time in her field. We have a son who will be 3 in march, and due to some complications during the pregnancy it is a miracle that we have him, and he lights up both our days! We have a pretty normal sex life now, not as often as we would like but that's what happens with a toddler running around. And we atleast used to both be very open sexually and we would always I guess push the boundaries a bit. We have tried alot of different things, from mild to wild, and have talked about our pasts and what we liked and disliked, and what fantasies we had and how far we were willing to go.

Now this is my problem. The last 3 years have been extremely busy with alot on both of our plates, new parents, her getting back into school and trying to finish up, me working my way into a new promotion, balancing all of that and trying to spend time with each other, and all the normal curve balls life throws at you daily. But one thing i hoped we would never lose that has been almost nonexistent is our ability to talk about sex and keep exploring new things sexually and just having sexual fun. Lately things in life have seemed to slow down a bit and we have had the opportunity to get a good amount of what we like to call adult time Lol (kind of an inside joke, if ur curious ask and ill explain later). We have gone out on these ocassions, went and saw freinds we don't see often, etc. And even taken a couple to do nothing but lock ourselves in the house for the weekend with a case of beer and bottle of liquor! So I have tried to bring up a few fun things that we both may like and she always just laughs about them then when I say no I'm serious what do you think, she will laugh again and change the subject. It's is really frustrating, because in the past she might be nervous or wonder about it and we would look up porn or stories about whatever it was together and see if it was something we wanted to do. The last couple things really wouldn't even be a big hurdle for us, one was I wanted to try a butt plug and we already do anal stuff, the other was I wanted to have sex on the porch of a cabin we had rented for the night a few weeks ago that was not private at all!! I even tried to play a little sext game with her like we used to when one of was stuck at work and the other at home, and she completely blew it off.

I guess I am not sure what has changed exactly or how to go about bringing it up. I know that after our son was born she got pretty down on herself because she had alot of trouble losing the baby weight, but we changed a few things in our lifestyle and she is about 10 lbs. From her pre baby weight now and looks amazing! I have a bunch of ideas on things I think would be fun for us and i think we would both enjoy and a couple would help bring her confidence back, but now I don't even want to bring them up. I don't even want to talk to her about them.

Any advice would be very much appreciated.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Honestly man you need to ask your wife this not the board. You will get better answers there. Just make sure you are not accusatory, just ask her why is she different now. I know it scary and you face rejection but that is how good marriage are made. You need to talk about this stuff.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

kejsph said:


> she had alot of trouble losing the baby weight, but we changed a few things in our lifestyle and she is about 10 lbs.


Well this could be the problem right here. It sounds like she overdid it.

Don't bring her outside in a stiff breeze you may never see her again.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yep, nothing to help here but communication


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Talk to her. 

Maybe some marriage counseling is in order.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

In my opinion, what used to be fun and games has probably turned into you coming across as more needy from a sexual point of view for her.

Sometimes people go through phases. One of those phases may be that she was very eager to please you and explore whatever you wanted to explore. Perhaps things are now changing and she is no longer as eager to please you and just yearns for things to be simple and natural between the two of you. 

My wife and I used to be much more open to things when we were younger. That was because she was admittedly rather naive and had never had a chance to decide what she likes and what she dislikes due to lack of experience. Now she knows that MANY of those things we tried in the past are things she no longer cares about and will not enjoy. Does this limit our playfulness? Some may think so, but as long as I know what things she likes, there are many ways to keep creativity alive in the bedroom. 

Odds are your wife would enjoy exploring some extra "space" between the two of you and enjoy wanting you some. Find ways to be sexually apart from one another! This does not mean having sex alone or with other people, it just means learning to explore ways of foreplay at times when you are alone. Try writing her a sweet note, taking care of the kids for the day, and leave her instructions to enjoy a bubble bath and a good book to read. Buy her a rather steamy romance novel to read (make sure it is one she will like), and beg her to not masturbate that you will do anything she wants when you get home! Also tell her that it is OK to not have to have sex and you will assume that it is not going to happen unless she texts you to be ready for "*****" when you get back. 

Then talk about how she can do the same for you. Make you stay home alone all day watching porn, and as long as you do not masturbate, she will agree to do something extra special for when she gets home. This will be all about pleasing you, and expect it to be a one-sided experience unless she wants you to please her. 

Hope that helps,
Badsanta


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

I don't believe that sex is the issue there. I believe that the love, respect and FRIENDSHIP that you might have once had has somehow slipped or fallen away. She "laughs" because she does NOT respect you or your "ideas" which means she no longer LOVES you (as her best friend) the way she did at first. Something has caused the deep love, respect and FRIENDSHIP to diminish so you may need to see a counselor to find out what is wrong now. IMO, couples "lose it" when they begin to take each other for granted and do not employ the same love and friendly JOY they once had for each other. Read a few relationship books or google: Relationship Skills to find some methods and techniques for restoring the tender, caring, deep LOVE and friendship that might have been there in the beginning and the exiting and adventurous SEX may come back into the relationship. If not, at least both of you might begin ENJOYING each other again as FRIENDS!


kejsph said:


> Hi so been browsing around here the last couple weeks since I joined, and looking through some threads to see if I could find something similar to what I am experiencing. Found a couple threads and read through alot of them, and saw some good tips, but figured I would put this out there and see what happens!
> 
> A little about us,
> So my wife and I have been married almost 5 years, together for almost 11, I am 32 she is 33, and things are pretty good all around. We have our little arguments, but one thing we always agreed on was that no matter how bad it was we would always move on and figure it out. I have a pretty demanding job that I have worked really hard to succeed at over the past 12 years, and she is always supportive as I am with her career path. She is in the final stages of finishing her degree currently, and working part time in her field. We have a son who will be 3 in march, and due to some complications during the pregnancy it is a miracle that we have him, and he lights up both our days! We have a pretty normal sex life now, not as often as we would like but that's what happens with a toddler running around. And we atleast used to both be very open sexually and we would always I guess push the boundaries a bit. We have tried alot of different things, from mild to wild, and have talked about our pasts and what we liked and disliked, and what fantasies we had and how far we were willing to go.
> ...


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

My take is pretty simple - 

Given the ages that you two were at when you met and started dating, to now, add parenthood, careers, all this adult stuff, stress of school, etc. As BadSanta said, it's likely that she's in a different phase of her life now. Just about everybody changes over time, some for good, some for worse. What she was once keen on 5 years ago, she no longer is that interested in - and that's okay.

The easy answer is that she's now a mother, and is an educated professional on top of that, and therefore wants to act the part. Taking a case of beer and a bottle of whisky and locking yourself up in a house for 3 days doesn't fit that mold.

The even easier answer is that she sees the people around her being more "adult" and it's rubbing off on her.

I wouldn't be alarmed or even all that concerned. People mature at different rates (and I don't mean to imply you're immature) and things that appealed to them when they were 25 no longer do.

I've been married twice. In my first one, my ex wife became more adventurous over time (we married young). In this marriage, it's been the opposite. People change, you adapt.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

alexm said:


> People change, you adapt.


Or not. Not adapting tends not to end well.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

alexm said:


> My take is pretty simple -
> 
> *Given the ages that you two were at when you met and started dating, to now, add parenthood, careers, all this adult stuff, stress of school, etc. As BadSanta said, it's likely that she's in a different phase of her life now. Just about everybody changes over time, some for good, some for worse. What she was once keen on 5 years ago, she no longer is that interested in - and that's okay.*
> 
> ...



Best answer.^^^


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