# wife started new meds (celexa). now wants to end our relationship.



## apoxtle (Sep 6, 2010)

good afternoon. i am in a situation now with my wife that is not good. we have been married for almost 15 years and she has pretty much always suffered from some depression. she has been treated for the last few years with wellbutrin and it has been really good for her. lately due to a job change the is very stressful for her her depression has become much worse.(she works for county animal services and has to euthanize a LOT of animals) her dr. added celexa and her depression has gotten worse. she went back and the dr. wants her on it for 4 more months. then out of the blue the other day she told me she doesn't feel the same way about me as i do her and we should be apart. this absolutely crushed me. she did say that we are going to get marriage counseling and we won't separate until after she is off the celexa.
the reason i believe it is the celexa is that she was put on effexor prior to wellbutrin and the way she was then is similar to now. i really have no idea what to do. we have always had a strong relationship and she would have agreed until very recently. i can't possibly think that it is over. i would really appreciate any advice if anyone has any. thanks a lot


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

*Please read - effexor information*

Apoxtle,

Your poor wife needs to find a new dr. in a hurry and change her job even faster. Perhaps she can go on disability due to her job related depression, she certainly deserves to. I thought a friend who works for the state's child welfare bureau had the world's worse job, I think your wife is in a tie or slightly ahead.

I'm not a dr or a medical professional, I do know there is a lot on the web about the A-Ds and I know from my wife's experience that stopping one can be very difficult and must be very carefully managed. 

I believe that most non-specialists dr.s don't know enough, but they have an Rx pad and an air of authority patients accept.

I also know that way too many drs (male and female) treat women poorly, barely listening. Will she let you be present during her visits? In my wife's all too many meetings with physicians I often sit quietly and note statements that should be questioned, with my wife's approval I'd ask them if she didn't. As with any field, there are lots of great dr.s and bad dr.s, the first clue to move on is when within a minute or two of seeing a female patient they say "you are suffering from anxiety". Run don't walk when you hear these words. Twenty five years ago my wife had a very painful tooth, an incompetent dentist told her it was anxiety, she came home and I took her to my dentist, he took X-rays and found a badly abcessed tooth, but he had to look with an open mind.

Look for a psychiatrist and/or a PA or APRN who specializes in pharmacology. I found one with offices in Bridgeport and Darien,CT who knows A/Ds inside out, even with her expertise people vary a great deal in how they respond to these extremely potent meds and some experimentation is likely. My opinion is some PAs and APRNs are a heck of a lot more involved in patient care than a lot of dr.s.

Stopping some of the A/Ds is very difficult. Quoting from a site called crazymeds . us 
"For many people Effexor XR has the absolute worst discontinuation syndrome of an antidepressant"

He says a great deal more, much of it positive, I suggest you read his pages immediately and show them to your wife.

FYI I'm on Effexor XR 150 and it has kept me out of the dark place a chronic neurological disease causes. Had I read his web 4 or so years ago I wouldn't take this med, I thought Celexa was working OK.

The author is not a medical professional, even so I've found him to be accurate, his pages correspond closely to recent articles in refereed journals. 

My advice to readers of this post is your dr will happily Rx an A/D. Don't take it until you do a lot of research into side effects. Don't take Paxil unless you want to be celibate and divorced or the alternatives are very dark. As I said before I'm not a medical professional, please do your own research.

A friend with a weird sense of humor once said you know you need an A/D when you start wondering if you can disconnect your car's airbag, take off your seatbelt and crash at high speed into a very large tree. If you start thinking this way, take the A/D.

Apologies to the moderator, I've had my marriage destroyed by Paxil with no indication from wife's dr. about side effects, in particular destroying a very warm, loving, woman's interest in sex.


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## freeshias4me (Dec 4, 2007)

Apoxtle, if you wife has only gotten WORSE with the new meds, yet the doctor tells her she should take it another 4 months, the doctor's off his rocker!!!
(Sorry, but I've dealt with my fair share of bad doctors, one who POISONED me with anti-depressants!)

Has she ever tried Zoloft? I was originally put on Prozac, then Imipramine, then finally to Zoloft. It is supposed to take 3 weeks to kick in, but I noticed a great difference in ONE DAY!!
There are 2 different types of anti-depressants. Simply put, one class of them assumes your body doesn't have the proper kind of chemicals in the body, so aims to give them back to you.
The second class of anti-depressants assumes you have all the proper chemicals in your body, but your body doesn't proper use them, so it helps your body use them. Zoloft in in the latter class of anti-depressants. 
I would definitely go with your wife to another doctor for another opinion (maybe even multiple doctors), until she finds the right information, and the right results.


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## apoxtle (Sep 6, 2010)

thanks. we have gone through this one time before (sort of when she was on effexor) i talked to her dr. today and told her what was going on as far as our relationship. my wife really likes her dr. and it was her originally who took her off effexor and put her on wellbutrin. i really do hope her dr. listened and is going to try and treat her depression as "us" instead of just fix the person. she did mention my wife could just stop taking the celexa and not need to taper off and that she was going to call my wife. hopefully she tells her to stop taking it. we will see. we are going to go to counseling either way and i am sure changes are going to have to be made, i know what some of them are, which i am fine with. i have to believe this can be repaired.


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## apoxtle (Sep 6, 2010)

so we went to the therapist together last thursday and have another appt. this friday. unfortunately things are not better.she was very reluctant to go back but finally agreed. we are suppossed to do a hiking trip in southern utah at the beginning of october and she still wants to go. my parents are going to be with us for the first few days and then we are going off by ourselves.
i have a feeling she just wants to say goodbye to my parents.
a lot of people have tried to talk to her but it doesnt' seem to help. a lot of things came out at the therapist that i have been neglecting or not supporting, mostly related to her depression. i am totally willing to work on these things and have made that very clear but she doesn't want me to change for her. i tell her it is for us but nothing i can say helps. she just says she wants her space and wants to be alone. i called her dr. again today as her and yesenia were not able to reach each other last time. i am going to talk to someone myself as i am having a very hard time with it. i am not from california and don't have many good friends that i can really talk to. my wife is also my best friend and i really don't know what i will do without her, people keep telling me i need to work on myself now and give her her space which is what i am trying to do as hard as it is. i just still can't believe this has happened. i was totally blindsided.


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

Apoxtle,

Second time I'm responding again with my regrets.

I sympathize, one's own depression is bad enough, a spouse's worse, my wife slowly coming out of hers, my divorcing her a an almost certainty until this past Wednesday night when we managed to breakthrough the walls she raised, the mask she held up. Lots of tears, lots of sobs, lots of hugs - I am very surprised we managed to do this a week before I would file.

Depression sucks - everything is black, there is no hope of anything getter better, the sweetest chocolate sour, a kind word taken as an insult.

I know that not all people react positively to all of the A/Ds. Your wife had been on Effexor XR as I am, I didn't respond to 75mg/day, respond well to 150 w/o loss of libido, some people need 300 mg/day, Effexor a complicated, dosage dependent medicine and very hard to get off, not always effective if restarted.

I mention this because Wellbutrin may not be working for your wife and talk therapy as useful as it is from my experience, is very dependent on even more variables, the client and the therapist.

It sounds as if you need to speak separately to a therapist, good ones can help you resolve some of the issues in your marriage, bad ones worse than a waste of time and money - seeing them you think you are making progress, in reality you are going in circles, chasing your own tail.

Sorry you don't have close friends locally, I know mine have helped tremendously just by listening and asking questions.


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## apoxtle (Sep 6, 2010)

thanks thinktoomuch. the wellbutrin has worked for years. she started that after the problems with effexor. since her depression has become worse celexa was added. i would hate to see this marriage end due to depression and the wrong drugs. 
i do have an appt with a therapist for me coming up. i hope it helps. hopefully she will try to listen to the marriage counselor this friday and we can begin to work on things. i have my doubts. she seems set and emotionless about the whole thing. i have to hope for the best.


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

*my sympathies*

Apoxtle,

Just want to offer my sympathies, I hope her meds will work quickly.

Mark


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