# Riding the Fence of Divorcing or Not?



## PurpleFrosting (Aug 28, 2015)

Hello everyone! My husband's father died in 2013 and every since he has been acting really weird. We had a baby a month before his father had his heart attack. It was our first child together but I have three from a previous marriage. This is going to be a long story so please be patient. My husband is 30 and I am 32. My kids are 10, 5, 2, (girls) and 13 (son).

My husband had a day job but that place closed down so since February 2015 he's worked night shift. He never wants to spend time with me or the kids at all. He also never allows us to go outside and if we do he goes crazy. All he wants to do is sleep all day and chat online. He recently bought a computer and he pretends to be a girl and chats to men and sometimes pretends he is a sci-fi creature or an engineer. He talks to both men and women and he hides his computer when I am near.

He asks me to bring his food to his room and he never eats with me or the kids. We also have separate rooms and the intimacy is very sketchy. I have asked for a divorce but he denies it. I ask on a regular basis and he just pushes me out of his room. He never wants me or the kids around him. I beg for his company but it is like he hates us all so much. He made my son's room into a storage room so he had to move in with my parents (he is 13). 

When it comes to finances he says I can not use his money and my mom has to pay all of my personal bills. He will not allow me to touch his money nor work outside of the home. I do not know what to really do because I need clothing for me and the kids. He never even buys our kid in common toys or clothing. I have to get my clothes from a second hand store. He has multiple credit cards and I am listed on them but he confiscated my cards and does not allow me to use them. He even took my zoo pass card so that I can not go there by myself.

I am at wit's end here! I do not know where to turn. I have tried to talk to my mother but she always just hangs up on me and tells me I am silly. I really need some sound advice here. My mother has control issues and so does my husband so things are going really bad. They bicker together and she has multiple health issues but my husband forbids me to visit her. They do not get along at all. Things are getting worse daily.

My main concerns are: my kids dislike him, he disrespects my parents and even yelled at my dad on Christmas. He never pays my bills for me even for a fridge that we bought together on Sears credit. He never goes out with me in public and he refuses to let me and the kids go outside. He treats me like dirt and I am sick of it. He sleeps all day, chats all day and smokes. His loves are: computers, Star Trek, coffee and cigarettes.

I feel alone because he never has time for me. I was at the park this weekend and we paid to get in. He just drove around five minutes and then left. He never even let us get out to do anything. Is he embarrassed to be with us in public or what is this? Can anyone advise me at all?


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

He has gone to a dark place. You cannot fix him nor nag him into fixing himself. You can only help if he begins to want to heal. For your own self integrity plan on separating, explain clearly the why, how and when. Then proceed on that course. For your own shake do not be one the WS who explain they were driven to it. 

Recognize that you are in a very vulnerable position emotionally. Guard against an EA. 

What happen in your past relationships?


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## PurpleFrosting (Aug 28, 2015)

JohnA said:


> He has gone to a dark place. You cannot fix him nor nag him into fixing himself. You can only help if he begins to want to heal. For your own self integrity plan on separating, explain clearly the why, how and when. Then proceed on that course. For your own shake do not be one the WS who explain they were driven to it.
> 
> Recognize that you are in a very vulnerable position emotionally. Guard against an EA.
> 
> What happen in your past relationships?


WS and EA meaning?
In the past my ex husband was abusive. He was an alcoholic and drug abuser.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Ok, read about caregiver personality also co-dependence. WS wayward spouse EA emotional affair 
See this link 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

First you should go get a job, and after working for awhile I'm sure you will fall to one side of the fence or the other.


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