# Is it important to you?



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I'm curious about how important it is to be your wife or long term girlfriend's best lover.

I've seen a lot of thoughts expressed about this subject both on TAM and other arenas and it seems important to many, maybe most, men that they are the best purely sexual experience their wife or long term girlfriend has ever had.

There seems to be some ego wrapped up in some men's reasoning but it could be other motivations for wanting to be the best.

I was one who didn't need to be my wife's best but became her best just because I was interested in giving her pleasure during sex.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I know a lot of guys just don’t care or think about it. They don’t need to know and they may also have had better lovers in the past.

For me, even if I have had better in the past, as long as I am into it with someone I don’t think longingly about the past or wish I still had this or that from previous lovers. I love getting into what is going on right NOW in my life. 

Not sure I’ve ever been with a guy who had a hang up about being the best. If so none of them ever said that.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I know a lot of guys just don’t care or think about it. They don’t need to know and they may also have had better lovers in the past.
> 
> For me, even if I have had better in the past, as long as I am into it with someone I don’t think longingly about the past or wish I still had this or that from previous lovers. I love getting into what is going on right NOW in my life.
> 
> Not sure I’ve ever been with a guy who had a hang up about being the best. If so none of them ever said that.


Yeah. I didn't even really think about it until hearing about the issue here and on other forums.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I try to give it my best every time. Things usually fall into place. 

(OK, not this afternoon, we suck at recovering from occasional but inevitable “distraction”.)


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> There seems to be some ego wrapped up in some men's reasoning but it could be other motivations for wanting to be the best.


I want to be her best everything. Not only sex, but finance, business, father, I want her to have the best. Ego, yes. Can't help it. I hate being mediocre at anything.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> I'm curious about how important it is to be your wife or long term girlfriend's best lover.
> 
> I've seen a lot of thoughts expressed about this subject both on TAM and other arenas and it seems important to many, maybe most, men that they are the best purely sexual experience their wife or long term girlfriend has ever had.
> 
> ...


What I finally got my now wife to be my girlfriend she wasn’t very experienced sexually despite (or maybe because of ) having a son from a previous relationship. 
We were once talking about sex scenes in movies and she stated she didn’t actually believe that an orgasm was a real thing. She figured it was just something women faked to keep men happy. 
About five minutes after I got her into bed she let out a sound that sounded something liked “jesussssssssohohohaaaaaaaa”. This is etched on my brain lol. 
She didn’t doubt their existence after that.
I honestly get more pleasure from seeing her come than when I come myself. I spoil that woman. 
I don’t need to wonder if I’m the best she’s had. 
Her Linda Blair floating off the bed impression most mornings tell me all I need to know.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

There's no box for "irrelevant, because I'm her only" 

Although that vibrator has me beat when it comes to clitoral stimulation. Does that count? 

Oh and it doesn't bother me. I'm the one that bought it for her.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> What I finally got my now wife to be my girlfriend she wasn’t very experienced sexually despite (or maybe because of ) having a son from a previous relationship.
> We were once talking about sex scenes in movies and she stated she didn’t actually believe that an orgasm was a real thing. She figured it was just something women faked to keep men happy.
> About five minutes after I got her into bed she let out a sound that sounded something liked “jesussssssssohohohaaaaaaaa”. This is etched on my brain lol.
> She didn’t doubt their existence after that.
> ...


Hahaha! That is a cute story!:laugh:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> There's no box for "irrelevant, because I'm her only"
> 
> Although that vibrator has me beat when it comes to clitoral stimulation. Does that count?
> 
> Oh and it doesn't bother me. I'm the one that bought it for her.


You're actually in a category I would kill Russian thugs to have.:grin2:


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I have been with her the longest time so I'm convinced I'm the best because I *want* to be the best and have had the time to find out how.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Be the type of man that a woman wants to cheat with. 
Not cheat on.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> I was one who didn't need to be my wife's best but became her best just because I was interested in giving her pleasure during sex.



You wouldn’t know that. Even if she told you that you were/are.

To answer the question: it normally only matters to people who know or have a reason to think they are not their spouse’s best. It obviously doesn’t matter to people who *think they are everyone’s best.

More importantly, it completely doesn’t matter, since she chose you and not her ‘best’ 

Isn’t there already a thread about this?



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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> Be the type of man that a woman wants to cheat with.
> 
> Not cheat on.



The type of woman who will cheat WITH you, is more likely to cheat ON you too. Statistically speaking anyway.
But I know what you are trying to say.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

It is important that I am there at the moment and not just going through the motion, otherwise I don’t think either one of us has time to make comparisons. I just like sex and so does my wife. And, like the song says “If you can’t be with the one you love (or had the most mind blowing sex with), then love the one your with”. Or at least I think it goes, something to that effect; adding the parenthetical line. 


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> You wouldn’t know that.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well, I actually know a hell of a lot more about my wife than you presume to so when I want your knowledge on the subject, you can be sure they will be serving snow cones in hell.

Keep your remarks to what you know about which consists of one woman. It is sweet and enviable.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

InMyPrime said:


> You wouldn’t know that. Even if she told you that you were/are.
> 
> To answer the question: it normally only matters to people who know or have a reason to think they are not their spouse’s best. It obviously doesn’t matter to people who *think they are everyone’s best.
> 
> ...


It may matter as to the _why _she chose you. Not many men are pleased with being chosen for the size of their pocketbook.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> There's no box for "irrelevant, because I'm her only"
> 
> Although that vibrator has me beat when it comes to clitoral stimulation. Does that count?
> 
> Oh and it doesn't bother me. I'm the one that bought it for her.


I could have wrote the same thing word for word !


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> It may matter as to the _why _she chose you. Not many men are pleased with being chosen for the size of their pocketbook.


I wouldn't be pleased with being chosen for the size of my pecker either. 

Seeing as I don't have a lot of money, and I'm packing your standard issue 6" white boy wang, I can count on those not being the reasons she chose me.

But then again, I still have no idea what it is she sees in me either. I can always make her laugh. Could be as simple as that I suppose.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Mr.Married said:


> Same thing I was thinking. My wife and I are one and only.


Wish I could say the same, I really do. I don't have a high number, 6 total. Can't even remember 2 of their names, I was pretty strung out at the time. All that **** is so meaningless to me. 

To quote some nice fellow I know of...

"You're actually in a category I would kill Russian thugs to have."


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Well, I actually know a hell of a lot more about my wife than you presume to so when I want your knowledge on the subject, you can be sure they will be serving snow cones in hell.
> 
> 
> 
> Keep your remarks to what you know about which consists of one woman. It is sweet and enviable.



Don’t let the insecurities get the better of you, my man. 
It is not all that attractive.
The comments were about the general ‘you’ but if you choose to pay yourself that amount of compliments, and not find it funny, don’t be surprised if someone else does. 
Peace.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> It may matter as to the _why _she chose you. Not many men are pleased with being chosen for the size of their pocketbook.



Some men don’t care. 
Others are either smart enough not to show them their pockets, or grow those pockets together.
I was a dirt poor student when we met. 
I think people have quite good intuitions generally as to why they are ‘chosen’.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

InMyPrime said:


> Some men don’t care.
> Others are either smart enough not to show them their pockets, or grow those pockets together.
> I was a dirt poor student when we met.
> *I think people have quite good intuitions generally as to why they are ‘chosen’.*
> ...


And yet we have all these people who have no idea where they rack and stack in the collection of bedpost notches. 

Sex has a way of clouding most people's intuition.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> And yet we have all these people who have no idea where they rack and stack in the collection of bedpost notches.



Those are tiny numbers compared to all the men that don’t ask the right questions...  

I think these guys know something is not adding up, that’s why they are asking the questions...My point was more that there are many others that never do and live in blissful ignorance. Which may not be a bad thing!




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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

InMyPrime said:


> Those are tiny numbers compared to all the men that don’t ask the right questions...
> 
> I think these guys know something is not adding up, that’s why they are asking the questions...My point was more that there are many others that never do and live in blissful ignorance. Which may not be a bad thing!
> 
> ...


I dunno... I get the impression there's a lot dudes who think they're the best ever and have zero idea they're not actually ringing the bell.

There's a difference between not asking because you don't want to know (or know or at least suspect and can't bear to hear it out loud) and those who think they know and are flat out wrong. Although, as you say, in terms of end result, there may be no significant difference.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> Don’t let the insecurities get the better of you, my man.
> It is not all that attractive.
> The comments were about the general ‘you’ but if you choose to pay yourself that amount of compliments, and not find it funny, don’t be surprised if someone else does.
> Peace.
> ...


You made a direct comment that I couldn't possibly know something about the woman I have been with for almost 28 years, as if you had any ****ing clue about her.

You are being rude, intrusive and obtuse as well as off track but that is part for the course.

You have had one partner and that is awesome but you know **** about other women.

Try and focus and quit with your insults.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> You made a direct comment that I couldn't possibly know something about the woman I have been with for almost 28 years, as if you had any ****ing clue about her.
> 
> You are being rude, intrusive and obtuse as well as off track but that is part for the course.
> 
> ...


Dude, your poll makes no sense. You are inserting your own judgement into the questions, skewing it (by saying that if the guy is worried about not being her best, then it must automatically be an ego issue). Some guys may feel they are not their partner's best, because the wife maybe makes them feel that way and deep down she is not actually satisfied with her partner. It doesn't always have to be an ego thing but can be a realisation that the marriage is headed for the rocks.

What you sometimes tend to do is take someone's weakness and big up yourself instead if it's an issue you can't relate to. Maybe you don't realise this and I used to think you were being funny. But it seems you are serious due to how you tend to react when someone busts your chops a bit.

And yes, if a woman tells her guy 'you are the best I ever had', it doesn't necessarily mean anything, and if she had many, it is statistically unlikely that you (general you) were 'her best', whatever that means. I wasn't calling your wife a liar. I was saying that only she will know the truth.

Pay attention before judging. You might learn something :wink2:


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> But then again, I still have no idea what it is she sees in me either. I can always make her laugh. Could be as simple as that I suppose.


Never, ever discount the importance of having someone who can make you laugh. For many women it's crucial to a good relationship. Also, based on the way you talk about your wife, I think she probably feels very secure in your love and admiration for her which is also huge to a woman. 

Just sayin' :smile2:


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

If the guy was the best because he has a 12 inch personality or a hot scenario, I don’t really care. But if he used techniques that made her hot, I want to know how to do it. But then, I also want to learn techniques that she’s never experienced, so long as they might work for her.

I don’t believe that most men care about being her biggest or best lover, whether their wife was a virgin, or whether they got to enjoy her body when she was between ages 18 and 25 or whatever. The people saying that all men (or most men) feel that way are really speaking of a small subset of men.


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## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

I know for a fact I'm my g/f's best lover hands down. I will ALWAYS go the extra mile and learn everything that she enjoys and master it. I'm a student of the game and I will always experiment on things to see what she likes. I make sure she orgasms every single time we have sex and I listen to her she responds to things. We've done things together that neither of us have done with anyone else and we communicate about what's important to each other so we only get better together.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

notmyjamie said:


> Never, ever discount the importance of having someone who can make you laugh. For many women it's crucial to a good relationship. Also, based on the way you talk about your wife, I think she probably feels very secure in your love and admiration for her which is also huge to a woman.
> 
> Just sayin' :smile2:


Mrs. C and I make each other laugh so hard it hurts.

I think that is a huge part of our attraction and love for each other.:smile2:


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I admit it does matter to me to a degree, although I never have asked or force the issue. 
Never once have I asked a woman 'how do i rate?'
That's pretty dumb.
On the other hand, a couple of women have volunteered I'm the best they ever had without me prodding whatsoever.
Same with my current wife. One former gf told me I was terrible because she wasn't into love making, only ****ing.

That's good enough for me.


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