# Are you the type of woman?



## J needs help (May 17, 2009)

Do you like it when your or BF hugs you?

Do you look forward to hugging your husband/BF or kissing him after a long day?

What is love? If love is an action what would be consider an act of love?

What is the difference between loving someone or being in love with someone? 

What display of action would you show if you loved your husband?

What display of action would you show if you were in love with your husband? Would it be any different? That is if being in love and just loving someone is different?

I'm looking for Guys and Gals perspectives


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

J needs help said:


> Do you like it when your or BF hugs you?
> 
> Do you look forward to hugging your husband/BF or kissing him after a long day?
> 
> ...


i love it when my husband comes home from a long day at work and wraps his arms around me for a huge hug and long passionate kiss, i look forward to it every night, i love it when he hugs me for no reason at all.

to me, love is the bond between two people and how you can look at them and know that you would do anything for them, not just opening a car door, or flowers here and there, its being lost in the moment and being with them nothing else matters.

theres a feeling you get in the pit of your stomach and a butterfly feeling when his/her name is mentioned, this is how you know youre inlove, you cant stop thinking of them, sit by the phone and pray they call, and when they do call, you dont ever wanna hang up. If its only love, then you can go 2-3 days without talkin to this person, but being inlove with them, you want to be with them every mintue of everyday.

if i only "loved" my husband, then i would just be myself and not care about havin hot meals fixed and his clothes clean and folded or worry about how many of his socks matched. 

Im madly inlove with my husband and theres not a day that goes by that i dont remind him just how much i love him, I have my him a hot meal and a glass of tea ready every night when he comes in from work. I even go as far as to fix his plate and run his shower water for him. I rub his back when we go to bed, massage his neck and let him know just how much he means to me.

this is the best way i know how to answer these questions, this is how i look at it and this is how i honestly feel. hope it helps.


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## J needs help (May 17, 2009)

I really appreciate your reply. I should have married someone like you. I have issues in my marriage that seem to be hmmmm I would say are never going to change. I think I'm coming to the realization that I will be unhappy in my marriage for life. The crappy part is I have two lovely daughters and a wife who doesn't seem to show that she appreciates me. 

I need affection i long for passionate kissing and bottom line is I don't get it. When I do it's forced and she doesn't seem to care to much for it. I think she has control issues when it comes to affection and sex.

I do all the cooking, Laundry and majority of the cleaning.... Does your husband thank you often when you do these things for him? If he does thank you how verbally, physically ? I take it you two probably have a great sex life? Do you have children? 

I'm a bit confused she sais she loves me but to me it's just words if they're no actions to show that profound love she sais she has for me....

Thanks for your reply


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Im sorry to hear how your wife to treating you, a man that does all the house hold work should be treated with most respect and appreciation. 

My husband and I have a 19 month old son together, we've been together for 4 years but married for almost 3. He does thank me for doin all that I do for him, in weird ways, its either a passionate kiss or a smack on the butt.. but he means well. 

Have you tried spicing up you sex life? Putting a little more kinkyness into it.. let her be in control in the bed room. Sit down and talk to her, let her know how you feel and tell her what you need. Make her a nice candle light dinner with some soft mellow music playing in the back ground, show her you want her. I wish I could be of more help. Let me know how things go.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

J needs help said:


> Do you like it when your or BF hugs you?
> 
> Do you look forward to hugging your husband/BF or kissing him after a long day?
> 
> ...


To me love is an action first and formost... it is actions of patience, kindness, trust and faith in me.
I don't go by feelings as my feelings change and often. I go by actions and how someone treats me in the ways I mentioned. If thats there, then I am caring of them and willing to build a relationship.... being he proves I can trust him, have faith in him that he will show me acts of love as kindness, patience etc...
if its not there .. FORGET IT, kick his ass to the curb.
Without the actions of love, forget it, he's just some dude who thinks more highly of himself than he ought to.


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## unhappy at home (Mar 21, 2009)

J, your relationship sounds very much like mine. My husband does not show me any type of affection except when he wants sex. I am a very affectionate person who needs this to feel loved and valued.
I have read the "5 love languages" and had high hopes that he would read it, but it has been over a month since I have asked him to read it and he has read 3 pages, telling me there is nothing in there that he fines helpful - yet he tells me he is willing to do whatever it takes to make our marriage work!
What is your wife's response when you try to talk to her about how you feel? Would she be willing to read the 5 love languages? 
I do think that if she is willing to read it and you are both willing to put the effort into trying, the information in the book would help.
take care


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## fairydust (Mar 28, 2009)

I'm in the same situation as unhappy at home. 

My H only shows affection when he wants sex. Which doesn't happen much anymore as I'm completely feed up with not getting the emotional connection that I so desperately need from him. 

There's definately a difference from loving someone and being in love. It's very clear in my household. My H may not see it that way but I'm not in love anymore and his actions clearly don't show it either.

He claims he wants to work on things but actions do speak louder than words.

My H could show me he loves me by just simply talking about what I need to talk about and actually listen. That's always the problem. It's like I talk just to hear myself talk because no one else is listening.

Like you J, I do most of the work. Prior to my H's last A he would always ***** that I didn't do things right. He'll still complains sometimes but not as much. Go figure he does almost nothing... only outside work and we have a small yard and I do all the rest but I don't get any appreciation for it.

He doesn't see why I'm unhappy!!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

J needs help said:


> I do all the cooking, Laundry and majority of the cleaning....


How has that come about?


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## J needs help (May 17, 2009)

Well my wife listens but does not act on her words. Question if a woman has low libido should or would that affect her ability to be affectionate? Or maybe this is a better question.... Do woman think if a man is being physically affectionate Do they think a man wants sex automatically? 

Affection - can a person learn to be more affectionate after 5 years of marriage or at this point what I see is what I am going to get? She tells me she loves me but I want actions to follow through I'm tired of words.... Words are just words if there is substance and action behind those words am I right or wrong? 

Books - We have both read "Rescue Relationship" Dr. Phil. We have been to see 2 different counselors and now were going to see a real actual marriage counselor.... I do love her.... but I'm lonely. I want to feel a strong connection to her and I simply don't...

Maybe she loves me and is just incapable of showing me the level of affection I need... Is it just that simple? I'm tired of this.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

The 5 Love Languages by Chapman might be a good read for you...there is a quiz at the end that shows what makes you feel loved...my guess is you would score on physical touch and your wife possibly words of affirmation...I think this made me recognize that this can be different from one person to the next and not necessarily anything to do with not being a loving person.

I think if every time my H was physically affectionate it led to sex, it would lead me to draw that conclusion, but there are many times he is just close, cuddly or will give me a massage w/o being followed by sex. If you feel your wife is thinking this way, offer her an invitation for a full massage followed by a relaxing sleep...no sex...show her touch doesn't always lead to sex.

I have become much more affectionate over the years. I think when working full-time, having/raising 3 kids, taking care of the house, etc. was a crazy time in my life and didn't think about sex, feel sexy, or take time for just me. Now that my kids are teens, it's still busy but my husband and I can go out to dinner, have time alone and I can spend more time on myself...and the positive feedback from my H (you are hot..you are sexy)....goes a long way to get me thinking a lot more about intimacy.


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## J needs help (May 17, 2009)

Well I thank you for that knowledge "Swedish" So you say you have become more affectionate over the years? Did he ever complain about affection? PS I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry and mow the lawn...... I'm never too tired for sex LOL But truly she has a problem with control, also with being receptive to my affection. Which in turn pushed me away ...... It's really strange


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

J needs help said:


> But truly she has a problem with control, also with being receptive to my affection.


Interesting combination...I'm no professional and know little about the field, but I know I had OCD as a child and still need a certain amount of control to feel comfortable...at this point mostly financially because my dad has a severe gambling problem so it may be related to that...not ever wanting to live w/o water, electricity, etc...been there done that 

Anyway, I do think controlling behavior can spill over into areas of affection...if things aren't going how I plan, I get stressed, being affectionate isn't even on my mind and can feel somewhat unwelcome...

Over the last few years I have become more relaxed and focused on the fun part of marriage, family, etc...and feeling more closely connected to my husband is what makes me more affectionate...he has always been that way, which is very cool


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

And yes, he did complain...he sometimes felt he had to beg for a hug


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## msadorable (Jun 1, 2009)

J needs help said:


> Do you like it when your or BF hugs you?
> 
> Do you look forward to hugging your husband/BF or kissing him after a long day?Nope
> 
> ...


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