# 38 year old supervisor and me.......someone help me out. please



## chuckless (Jun 20, 2010)

i am a single guy, and i have a co worker thats 15 years older then me and shes married with 2 young kids. ive been working with her for about 16 months now. she keeps on flirting with me every day all day. she will talk to me on the phone for hours if i dont tell her i gotta go. but she never hanged out with me ever since we met. she kisses me on the cheek sometimes when she hugs me, and her hugs are long and strong. we talk about almost everything including sex, her relationship problem with her husband, that shes sick of him and she doesnt know what to do with him, and she will call or text me even at 2 am. she told me if she was single she would steal me to be her guy without waiting a second. but usually when a woman is emotionally attached this much to a guy, they hang out, have fun, and sometimes have sex as well. but it was as if she is using me for emotional support over the phone and when i see her at work. but shes very unexperienced, meaning she doesnt have sex on normal bases. prolly havent had sex in a very long time. a couple days ago she told me she can never let me go, after i told her to forget about me. even my other co workers ask me if me and her have had sex yet. the way she flirts with me at work makes everyone think shes having an affair with me when she hasnt even spent 2 minutes with me outside of work. but she doesnt know that people are saying things like that about us. 


so i am trying to figure out, where is this supposed to go. any woman should be able to have 5 minutes to hang out with someone that they like so much. if they want to do it they will so i know she isnt really putting effort in seeing me. and i dont like the fact that i cant see her, it gets annoying talking to someone so much over the phone all the time. im out of ideas, i dont know what to do with this situation i dont know if she is going to wake up one day and take me out and completely use me emotionally and sexually or she is going to use me as her emotional doctor. 



i was thinking of getting her mad and when she starts talking just to kiss her and see how she reacts to it. 


OK, I AM READY TO LISTEN.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

You're never getting a promotion at this workplace. When you try and break it off she'll get mad and sue you for sexual harassment.

Run.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Atholk said:


> You're never getting a promotion at this workplace. When you try and break it off she'll get mad and sue you for sexual harassment.
> 
> Run.



Read this many times, it is the truth.

Nothing good to come from this. 

You are already been used.

You have been used to fulfill this woman's emotional needs that she is not finding with her husband, and yet you are not having your needs met. 

In 16 months of flirting and having an emotoinal affair perhaps you could have met a single and available woman that you could be working together with to build a solid future, and not to mention would not have been jeopardizing your career in the process. 

You are only being robbed and also robbing yourself with this affair business. 

I wish you well.


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## chuckless (Jun 20, 2010)

bigbadwolf i know ive been used, and i tried to get her away from me, but it doesnt seem to happen. she got heartbroken when i told her to stay away from me and to leave me alone. she started crying, telling me that she can never let me go and that i mean the world to her. her family is not really solid, her husbands always gambling, messing around with other girls that she does not know about, her kids are in their own little world so shes basically living a boring life on her own. shes like a 16 year old teenager in a 38 year olds body. 


a couple weeks ago we got into an argument, she said **** you i replied back saying what if i said when and where? she said how bout right now? when she sent me that text, she walked in the office while other co workers were present so i ignored the conversation and didnt continue. she just loves to tease.


whats the best way to handle something like this.....what does she want from me why is she doing this.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

she is a manipulator. You only have her side of how bad and awful her marriage is. Her husband could be perfect, her kids could be wonderful - but she could be bored and trying to spice up her life.

She is like a teenager - selfish and self centered. Only thinking of herself.

She wants you to have an affair with her. You didn't push her away in the beginning so she read that as an open invitation to continue. You need to tell her to stop all unwanted attention, start documenting texts, emails, kisses, hugs, etc (and the times you tell her to back off) so that you can counter a sexual harrassment suit if it comes up. In the mean time look for a new job.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

TNgirl is right..you're getting her side only, if that even matters to you, take it from someone who knows about manipulation, I had a woman 13 yrs younger on my behind for 10 mos. telling me the same thing EVERYDAY, found out her husband is a really nice guy..bottomline is, you gave her attention, you're younger, and who knows, her marriage can be like she says, but it takes 2 to make a marriage work and only 1 to destroy it.
My wife is in a full blown EA turned PA..and I'm sure I'm the devil to her OM and work place friends..but she's got another thing coming...


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## chuckless (Jun 20, 2010)

i dont want to marry her, we just got very close through out the year and this huge lust created between us. im sexually attracted to her not love. 

so its safe to say that she only is using me for her emotional needs and she has no other intentions with me? but how can that stay like that....eventually she has to start liking me a bit more and take things to a different level. but a tease is a tease, woman love to tease so i guess shes enjoying talking to me about everything that happens in her life but does not want to do anything else with me.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

She's using you, and you are using her. She's bored, or going thru some sort of personal crisis where she needs to feel that she is still hot enough to get a young guy. You like the pursuit, and unless SHE stops, you are going to be a party to ruining her family. Put her feelings aside, there are other people in the equation, and you are only gettting the story from HER perspective. She feeds you the lines she wants you to hear, to keep you curious, frustrated, and wanting more. 
You said you don't love her, you just want to have sex with her. Do her KIDS a favor, and find an unattached woman to have sex with. Pursuing this attraction on either of your parts is just pure selfishness.


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## Gman (Jun 11, 2010)

Chuckless-
You sound like the guy my wife has a thing for at her workplace... Do yourself, her and her family a huge favor and find another friggin job. While you're at it, find yourself a nice SINGLE girl your own age. Sorry, dude, but this hits WAY too close to home with me. Take care of yourself.
Gman


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## chuckless (Jun 20, 2010)

i know what you guys are saying, believe me. but is it my fault shes being such a big flirt all the time? is it my fault her husband is not satisfying her enough that she wants to talk to me every chance she gets? at work she does not leave my freaking site. its all her fault that created all this lust, not mine. i tried to stay away, i told her to stay away. we dont talk for 2 days then she calls me again like nothing happened. i dont know how else to describe the situation, its the rarest situation that ever happened to me. and i do have alotta other girls in my life, and she knows that there are other co workers that have the hots for me. any other woman would have done something to make the other girls feel jelous besides flirt with me and tease me all the time. right now its almost midnight, shes texting me telling me that shes not feeling well and that she might not go to work tomorrow. see? im not working tomorrow, im not her husband for her to let me know that shes going to miss work tomorrow. i dont know, sometimes i just cant explain why she does the things she does. maybe because our age difference is to big thats why she might be shy to do anything besides talking to me, i put myself in her position if she told her friends that shes having sex with a guy thats almost half her age it might make her look bad infront of her friends when they have sex with guys a couple years older or younger than them. 

her kids love me, they always ask me whats the best phone out, how cheap can i get it for them, stuff like that. 
and her husband knows me as the guy that always covers her wife when she needs to miss work.
i think her husband has her on a leash, thats why shes afraid of him so much that she wont even tell him that shes going out with her girlfriend and hangout with me instead. his at his business until 9pm everyday, he cant find out. he calls her once in a million when shes at work. 

she wont have an affair, if she continues this way. atleast i highly doubt it. how is she going to have an affair when she never hangs out with me outside of work.


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## babusgirl (Jun 16, 2010)

ok are u serious? do u actually read what u write? and are u aware of how selfish u sound? i guess ur taking this whole thing rather lightly because u have nothing to lose.... whereas she on the other hand...if we forget the husband and sad marriage for a second....has 2 kids who will be caught in the middle. it dsnt matter if her kids "love" u now, as u said ur not looking for marriage ur jst lookin for sex, dont think her kids will take too kindly to that. 

basically ur saying u want sex without the responsibility and consequences....honey reality is a b**ch and u gotta wake up to it...2 wrongs dont make a right and u and her are very very wrong.


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## Gman (Jun 11, 2010)

Chuckless-
I'm glad you know what we're saying, but maybe you should also take it to heart. You have half of the power in this relationship - it takes two to tango but only one to stop the dance. Stop returning those texts. Stop replying to those flirtations. Talk to your HR department. Get out while the getting is good.
Gman


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

Chuckless,

You want to do the right thing? You need to start subtly coaching her on how to improve her marriage. I know that is a big task for a 28 year old kid with no life experiences, but if you want to be able to look back on this and feel good about yourself down the road that is what you should do. You can walk away from her or quit this job but she will just fall for another guy later on. You have an opportunity to try to improve someone else's life and make a difference. You have her attention. Find out what is bothering her at home and try to steer her to fix it. Steer her away from you and back towards her husband.


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## babusgirl (Jun 16, 2010)

Hunt Brown said:


> chuckles is just making this up as he goes along... suddenly her "two young kids" love him and are asking him which phone to buy and he knows her husband... this isn't a post, it's not even a bad script for a mock-reality series, it's just something horses iterate together.
> 
> Hunt Brown


yeah I got the same feeling!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chuckless (Jun 20, 2010)

hunt brown, obviously i cant type every single detail down, but i just thought ide get a solid answer on what to do with this situation. and its not like every other situation, this one is just complicated for me because shes complicated. my current gf is 34, shes a scientist at USC, but shes single. she thinks this woman is a child and is using me to make herself feel good because her husband doesnt do ****. but she doesnt know what to do with this situation, thats why all she does is tease and flirt with me because thats what shes been doing for so long. my co worker is married, so your right i havent experienced a woman that is ****ing around with my head while shes married. damn dude put urself in my position, its tough having a 38 year old that keeps on giving you signs and everything but you dont know exactly what you should do.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

oh forum moderator...this "amigo" and his new thread belong in the sex and addiction forum.

please guys/gals. he aint listening to any of u.


*PIG! *


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

chuckless,

First off, ignore cb45. I haven't read a post of his yet that makes any sense at all. I think he gets drunk and posts gibberish.

You don't want to have sex with this married mother of two. If you have any morals or values at all you will regret it. It is starting to sound like you already know that, which is good. So your question is how do you handle it. If all she is doing is flirting then yo may not have too much trouble keeping her at a distance. Start a dialogue with her and feel her out about what her problem is and give her some advice. She will either start to listen to you or you will really turn her off which will cause her to leave you alone.


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## Eraz2010 (Apr 1, 2010)

I cannot believe this has continued for two pages!

Dude, you have my empathy. BUT

NO GOOD WILL COME OF THIS. NONE. NADA.

BAD IDEA. BAD IDEA. BAD IDEA.

DANGER WILL ROBINSON. DANGER!

Hand in your notice NOW. If your job doesn't require a notice period... close down your computer (now), stand up from your desk (now) and walk to the door (now) and do not return (ever).

Then...

Open your cellphone and write down all of the really really important numbers only (like your Mom) then remove the sim card and put it in the trash and go get another number.

You'll miss her for a while. It'll pass. I suggest setting yourself a goal of taking a SINGLE pretty girl to the movies or for pizza once a week. Hell, even try an online dating site to get you kick-started.

There is NO solution to your problem other than immediately removing yourself from it.


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## New Beginnings (Sep 9, 2009)

I had a friend in a situation like this and it was a mess. He had what turned into a stalker situation when he broke it off. Had to get a restraining order. The husband went wacko, bought a gun and was seriously going to kill the kid. Both people got fired. The husband divorced the wife I think and the friend ended up getting his arse junped outside of a club. 

So wake up, grow up and realize what everyone is telling you, walk away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FOM (Jun 23, 2010)

chuckless, if you're still around, do what the others have recommended and stay away from this woman. You've already allowed this relationship to progress to an unhealthy level. There's no going back, "fixing" things, remaining friends, etc. Maintaining contact with this woman is a train wreck waiting to happen, for you, her, her husband, and her children. It will be on your conscience forever. The best thing you can do is call her husband and tell him everything his wife has been doing, then get out of her life permanently.

If she's 38 and acting like a 16 y/o, chances are she is a 16 y/o emotionally. Age is no indication of maturity.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

Wow, interesting gf you have there. She has no prob with you obsessing over having sex with your boss.....hmmm....


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

exactly my thoughts scarlet. several inconsistencies too.

starting to read like fiction, maybe from like, south of the 

border?

no es verdad, guapo?

:sleeping:


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## chuckless (Jun 20, 2010)

el guapo, so far your understood what ive been trying to explain. i told her many times before, that i dont want her playing all these games and to leave me alone, forget about me. she got mad and said ok were done. i thought that was it. but 2 days later, we were not done!. she gave me a 10 second hug at work, and told me that she can never let me go. i was frozen because i thought a kiss was coming up after she slowly let go of me from hugging. but nothing has happened between us. after that i told her again. i even took advantage of the fact that she cant hangout with me outside of work, sad but shes like a dog on a leash lol. 38 year old woman cant do 5 minutes of what she wants. i told her i dont want a friend thats only in my phonebook. so if you cant spend some friend time with me outside of work, then im not your friend goodbye and forget about me. IT STILL DID NOT WORK. last night she texted me at 12:30 am, after i told her gn like 3 times between 9pm and 11pm. i told her do you plan on talking to me the whole night? she didnt reply back. she prolly got in bed with her husband. 


im from LA, unfortunately more older people dont have morals then young people. if i dont have sex with her, then someone else will. (im guessing) 


maybe if i tell her that i like her and i want to have sex with her but i know its not going to happen and her teasing me and flirting me is not significant she might run away lol.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Sue her for sexual harassment.

If the genders were reversed in this situation it would be clear what is going on.

And still look for work elsewhere.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Dude, you are the one that is the dog on the leash. She is leading you around like a little puppy dog, and you are LETTING her. Here is a secret...if someone txt's you...and you don't respond...it may take a while, but they WILL stop. Same for answering her calls. As for hugging her at work, well, it's highly inapproproiate. Next time she tries...step back, and walk away. Your being passive aggressive, and she is treating you like a little boy toy that she can play with when she is bored.


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## Gman (Jun 11, 2010)

Chuckless -
Involve your human resources department, block her number on your cellphone, stop receiving hugs and speaking about all non-work related subjects. Let someone else be the a*hole she sleeps with. At least your conscience will be clear- if you have one.
-Gman


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## chuckless (Jun 20, 2010)

i cant ignore her completely, sometimes she needs to contact me for work, and she starts talking about other things with it. and i am not going to change my job just because of her lol. if i involve anybody else in this situation, it will make me look like a kid. "he went and complained about me." i just want to know from all her actions, what does she want from me? it seems like shes afraid of doing something because she thinks she cant do it without anyone finding out. but idk, i have never made a move neither has she so everything is just in the air.


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

chuckless said:


> i am a single guy, and i have a co worker thats 15 years older then me and shes married with 2 young kids. ive been working with her for about 16 months now. she keeps on flirting with me every day all day. she will talk to me on the phone for hours if i dont tell her i gotta go. but she never hanged out with me ever since we met. she kisses me on the cheek sometimes when she hugs me, and her hugs are long and strong. we talk about almost everything including sex, her relationship problem with her husband, that shes sick of him and she doesnt know what to do with him, and she will call or text me even at 2 am. she told me if she was single she would steal me to be her guy without waiting a second. but usually when a woman is emotionally attached this much to a guy, they hang out, have fun, and sometimes have sex as well. but it was as if she is using me for emotional support over the phone and when i see her at work. but shes very unexperienced, meaning she doesnt have sex on normal bases. prolly havent had sex in a very long time. a couple days ago she told me she can never let me go, after i told her to forget about me. even my other co workers ask me if me and her have had sex yet. the way she flirts with me at work makes everyone think shes having an affair with me when she hasnt even spent 2 minutes with me outside of work. but she doesnt know that people are saying things like that about us.
> 
> 
> so i am trying to figure out, where is this supposed to go. any woman should be able to have 5 minutes to hang out with someone that they like so much. if they want to do it they will so i know she isnt really putting effort in seeing me. and i dont like the fact that i cant see her, it gets annoying talking to someone so much over the phone all the time. im out of ideas, i dont know what to do with this situation i dont know if she is going to wake up one day and take me out and completely use me emotionally and sexually or she is going to use me as her emotional doctor.
> ...


Re-read this first post chuckless. It makes it sound like you are seriously thinknig about hooking up with her. If she was a 30 year old single woman it would be one thing, but she is married with kids. Nothing good is going to come from it. It also sounds like you and kind of playing with her. Don't do it. You're only making the problem worse. You never know how someone is going to react to something you say, no matter how you meant it or how harmless you think it was. They may hang on it for weeks. You need to rise above this and start putting emotional distance between you and her. You need to not engage her flirting.


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## FOM (Jun 23, 2010)

chuckless, if you don't drop this woman, you fall into the "not very smart" category. She's immature, she's married, she has kids, and she's a lot older than you. If you don't want to leave the job, at least notify human resources and file a grievance. She is fostering a hostile work environment. I guarantee that will be the last time you have to deal with her.


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## peachywife (Jun 23, 2010)

Definitely sounds like she is just desperate for someone to talk to. 

Either way at this point, she is hiding things from her husband, so be prepared for him to blow it WAY out of proportion if he ever finds her texts to you. 

And I definitely do NOT agree that you should quit! What a horrible idea, I have been looking for a job for months, and am getting so desperate that I will take anything at this point, provided it's not some BS scam company. 

I think maybe you should try to find her a female friend, or ask her if she has a relative or anything that she can talk to... because to me it sounds like she is developing a pretty serious crush on you, and that can really only go one direction - the bad way.

Good luck.


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## chuckless (Jun 20, 2010)

peachywife

she does have girlfriends, but she calls me instead. thats the funny part lol. she wont let her husband find out. shes to much of a *****, she is a pro at acting and teasing and flirting. in time everything will be on the table. yesturday i told her ill call her back i didnt till now, she texted me like 4 hours after i told her ill call her back. i still did not respond. so far nothing from her. maybe its working lol.


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## Gman (Jun 11, 2010)

Chuckless-
Lots of "lol"s throughout... too many. Are you being serious about this? Am I missing something here? END the personal part of this relationship before very bad things happen!
Gman


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