# Your parenting opinion- teen girls on birth control



## kcb22

So, I'm not a mom yet, I probably won't be for a very long time. But I'm curious to know what parents think. I want to decide how I'm going to raise my kids before I decide to have any.

With all the teen pregnancy out there, is it a good idea to have teenage daughters on birth control to prevent pregnancy?

I wouldn't want my daughters having sex at all in high school. However, things happen, and why not prevent your daughter from having such a difficult, life changing experience too young in life?

The question is- will they treat it as a free pass to have sex or will they listen to what you have to say about waiting until marriage or until they've been in a very long term relationship?

Also, there's the chance that they'll think, despite what they have been told many times, that just because they're on birth control they now don't have to use condoms- and they could get an STD.

Talking makes all the difference, but sometimes kids don't listen. There have been many times in my life where I have thought my parents didn't know what was best for me as much as they think they did, and that they were just wanting control. (Though in my case it was matters other than sex.) Sometimes it just goes in one ear and out the other. 

What are your opinions on the topic of allowing teen daughters to be on birth control? Discuss.


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## SimplyAmorous

You are sure thinking A LONG time in advance there! 

I only have 1 daughter, she is not even 10 yet... I have plans, dreams, and great hopes for her future. I did a thread on what I will teach her as she grows.... 

It covers such talk... STD's, boys, SEX, marraige.... all of it. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family...-sex-relation-love-her-emotions-her-life.html 

I am really BIG on open communication with my kids. I would rather NOT have my daughter use birth control.. .I never liked the side effects (I know it is minor, but -one of the reasons I never used any my whole life - when married -we used rubbers, then an IUD in my 40's)...... and I would prefer my daughter to wait till she is married or at the very least ....deeply in love , engaged...to a committed man who would honor her even if the birth control failed (and it does sometimes...have known 3 women who have conceived on the pill taking anti-biotics). 

I do feel if you buy this for your daughter, even before she has a boyfriend...it is a lisence to "go ..."enjoy' sex" ....even casual sex. 

However if my daughter started acting out if character, hanging with a shady crowd, Bad boys...since I can't tie her up in her bedroom, I would choose this over nothing -if I feared she WAS having unprotected sex. 

But I am more inclined to believe she will listen to our wisdom, see value in what we teach, hang with a crowd of teens who are not ingaging in casual sex easily.....the last thing I want is her to indulge with boys who will use her and throw her away, this is more than just about getting pregnant... alot of emotional hurt comes with engaging sexually...too soon, I don't want her to have regrets.


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## Trojan John

Some teens are going to have sex with or without your approval. Better to educate them about the consequences and protection. Teach abstinence if you prefer, but realise that it's essentially useless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mickle

I would rather my daughter used birth control than end up being an unwed mother. I have a very good friend whose daughter followed the abstinence route. (at 16 years of she met this fantastic guy and fell in love with him) her words. went out twice, the if you love me you will syndrome. she did, she never saw him again, now she has twins at 17.
Prevention is better.


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## unbelievable

I'd let her know my values regarding teen sex and then I'd dispense birth control like M&Ms.


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## omega

I'd err on the side of caution, i.e., making birth control available. My parents were terrified to discuss anything sexual with me and even opted me out of sex ed at school. Luckily for everyone involved I was a total geek at school and no boys were interested in me hahaha. But... then I was 18 and abroad for the first time and having sex without protection. STUPID but predictable given the background I had. I ended up back home thinking I might be pregnant, I wasn't, but it scared me enough to make a 'secret' appointment to get the pill myself. My parents didn't know, although maybe they figured it out at some point, but thank goodness I had the money and the ability to set that up by myself. 

When it ended up failing me, though, it sure would have been nice if I could have told my mother. I ended up getting an abortion and she never knew (as far as I know - I never told her). We talk about everything EXCEPT sex-related topics. A horrible time in my life might have been easier if my parents hadn't spent my whole life acting like sex was the biggest taboo on the planet. Now that I'm married, I'm pretty sure my father thinks we have the only non-consummated marriage out there; his head might explode otherwise.


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## kcb22

SimplyAmorous said:


> You are sure thinking A LONG time in advance there!
> 
> I only have 1 daughter, she is not even 10 yet... I have plans, dreams, and great hopes for her future. I did a thread on what I will teach her as she grows....
> 
> It covers such talk... STD's, boys, SEX, marraige.... all of it. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family...-sex-relation-love-her-emotions-her-life.html
> 
> I am really BIG on open communication with my kids. I would rather NOT have my daughter use birth control.. .I never liked the side effects (I know it is minor, but -one of the reasons I never used any my whole life - when married -we used rubbers, then an IUD in my 40's)...... and I would prefer my daughter to wait till she is married or at the very least ....deeply in love , engaged...to a committed man who would honor her even if the birth control failed (and it does sometimes...have known 3 women who have conceived on the pill taking anti-biotics).
> 
> I do feel if you buy this for your daughter, even before she has a boyfriend...it is a lisence to "go ..."enjoy' sex" ....even casual sex.
> 
> However if my daughter started acting out if character, hanging with a shady crowd, Bad boys...since I can't tie her up in her bedroom, I would choose this over nothing -if I feared she WAS having unprotected sex.
> 
> But I am more inclined to believe she will listen to our wisdom, see value in what we teach, hang with a crowd of teens who are not ingaging in casual sex easily.....the last thing I want is her to indulge with boys who will use her and throw her away, this is more than just about getting pregnant... alot of emotional hurt comes with engaging sexually...too soon, I don't want her to have regrets.


I think I read your thread yesterday. Lots of great advice.

I suppose you're right that it depends on the situation. But you see girls on 16 and Pregnant on MTV that look like they're good students, hanging out with good kids, and yet they end up pregnant. 

You're right about the emotional aspect too. I just wonder if my kids will listen to me when I tell them these things.


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## mickle

[ I just wonder if my kids will listen to me when I tell them these things.[/QUOTE]

I do not think any teenagers listened to their parents, I know I didn't.


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## SimplyAmorous

> *Trojan John said*: Some teens are going to have sex with or without your approval. Better to educate them about the consequences and protection. Teach abstinence if you prefer, but realise that it's essentially useless.


 Ok, I realize me & my husband are freaks but we DID wait to have intercourse until our wedding night. I never touched birth control -he never needed a rubber. Believe me I know this IS RARE, if you knew how long we dated, you will really think we are insane. However, I am not foolish... if anyone here knows what a raging sex drive feels like... it is yours truly ...reading some of my posts would give a hell of a clue [email protected]#$%^&* 

I would NEVER want my children to come up pregnant, in fact I will likely demand my boys carry a condon -just in case. My oldest would refuse it however... he is a 3rd yr college student... still a virgin & proud of it, his dream...being a Youth Pastor...He thinks I am the corrupt one. Imagine that ! 



kcb22 said:


> I think I read your thread yesterday. Lots of great advice.
> 
> I suppose you're right that it depends on the situation. But you see girls on 16 and Pregnant on MTV that look like they're good students, hanging out with good kids, and yet they end up pregnant.
> 
> You're right about the emotional aspect too. I just wonder if my kids will listen to me when I tell them these things.


It is not a matter of just sitting down & speaking this in 1 or 2 settings.... it is kinda how you live, the examples you set.... little discussions as they grow up flowing out as easily as "how was your day today?"...it is that FREE at our house. .....I ask my children many questions...every & any subject under the sun.... like ...

*1*. *If this happened to YOU, what would you do in that situaion? ....and WHY*?

*2*. *How do you feel about this issue? *Even birth control, I would ask my daughter how she feels .... I would explain exactly what it is -why girls are using it - and WANT her opinion. 

This allows for free flowingly openness in our family... This by no means = I am going to allow them what they want or seek... but it opens the dialog -it shows I have an interest in their feelings. 

...The day my kids refuse to engage openly with me like this, or show a disdain.... they will have a little less freedom. So far, this has never been an issue in our family....and they have MORE freedom than most kids they know....and haven't abused it.

I mentioned our oldest...a fine honorable son who has never "used" a girl -even wants to wait till marraige for sex (yes, unheard of - but I swear it is all true ),...my 2nd son appears to be following in his foot steps -his attitude, his ideals..though he does have a GF... and they are young at 15 .... I can hear some going ..."are you crazy!"... ... I do have boundaries for them..their parents on our FB, I've talked on the phone with the Mom..... we chaparone them around to events, movies, youth group, short visits to each others houses. We'll see how it plays out. (I met my hubsand at 15 - I can't say I am against young love - I know it can last). They do seem a find match even. Time will tell the story. 

We allow our children freedom so long as they show respectful actions/behavior with a good attitude & openness in our family. 

They know if I catch them in a *LIE*, or *hiding...*this will be much worse than telling the truth, even if they did something out of character.. I will even thank them for their honesty .... at the "seed" stage of something that could grow into a real problem. I allow my kids to argue/debate with me, I encourage it... some parents would think I am crazy but ...it this gets to the heart of where their mind is, thier heart is - their principles are ... and as parents , we should know these things ! 

If I feel they are off, missing something in how they feel...I would not scold... but we'll talk ..... dissect the issues together....give various examples of how that scenerio can play out for their future.... All of it... for the most part, my children enjoy these discussions. Dad gets involved too, he is very amusing how he will lead you down a path of near utter destruction ...if you take drugs, you will have craters in your face, the girls will run from your ugliness, you will be eating out of dumpsters , stuff like that. They find him quite amusing. 

My kids will never go into something blindly.... Not with us as parents! ....and we are huge on *Responsibilty*...and *Consequences*. If there is anything beat into their head...is it these 2 things. 

So if they find themselves weak - ready to have sex.... I would not scold them... Until they are 18 yrs old, I expect such honestly from them...if I get an inkling (which I would ) that they are lying/hiding something, sure -birth control will be used. 

Once they are 18, they can do what they want.... I will feel they have had a myrid of teachings & wisdom over the years ....their life is their own. 

I am not one of these parents who has their head in the sand, pounds abstinence and is clammering against the school system teaching sex ed & handing out condoms...not at all. I would never "home school" my children, I see it as too sheltering , even my oldest Son feels that is mindless & this does the kids a dis-service -robs them of the REAL world & understanding others. 

*I just encourage them to make up their own minds in all things, not to be blown by the wind in what is "popular" and fashionable in this day & age*. 

Me & my husband was never the type to follow the crowd in school, It appears they are "chips off the old block" here, stubborn and originals, even enjoy going against the grain a little. I dig that. 

Had we adopted a child, I bet this would play out differently, I may NEED to give them birth control --who knows, if secrecy was there, a refusal to talk to us, a hiding spirit , this would equal different parenting methods...absolutely!.. Each teen will be differnet, we can't handle them all the same by any means. 

Many many many kids will hide from their parents because the parents are too quick to JUMP on them if they have questions, or God forbid ask someting sexual. This should never never be! ...or Parents show little to no interest in their lives, or FEAR bringing up these embarrassing topics, feeling we wouldn't have an impact anyway.


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## Unhappy2011

kcb22 said:


> With all the teen pregnancy out there, is it a good idea to have teenage daughters on birth control to prevent pregnancy?



Well gee whiz.

As my Grandmother use to tell her female employees...."If you think discussing birth control is embarassing, try having a pregnant teen daughter."


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## SunnyT

My daughter was a teen mom. Long story...of course. Or short story!  I can smile now, but it was hell. 

Honor student.... fresh out of Girl Scouts. Me, GS leader... PTA mom... teacher... it just happens. Not sure what I could have done differently. If I could rewind it all, I'd probably be able to spot the "problems", or miscues...

...besides dispensing birth control like M&M's! Great idea. 

I did research on teen pregnancy for a grad class. The best indicator for "success" for a teen mom, is help from her parents. And really, how could you not help? (Help without applauding this whole baby thing...that was hard.) Anyway... daughter is 23, grand daughter is 8.... just took her home. D just graduated nursing school and got her first apartment by herself. 

I can't forget the day she told me "Mom, you are just so naive."


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## FirstYearDown

My parents sheltered me from boys until I was 18. I lost my virginity less than two months after I hit that milestone, with a boyfriend who I was with for a year. I don't regret it because it was beautiful and romantic; we loved each other as much as two naive kids could.

I put myself on the pill by going to a clinic. I didn't want to get it from my family doctor because every drug dispensed showed up on my parent's health insurance. 

As soon as my mother knew I was sexually active, she calmly suggested that we visit the doctor for birth control pills. My mom was pleasantly surprised when I told her I had been on the pill for months-she thought that was a very smart and mature choice. Every so often, La Maman would ask to see my pill pack. I thought that made a lot of sense and it calmed her mind. 

My parents were much too strict, especially with me as the only daughter. My father never discussed sex with me and my mother instilled a lack of trust in males, especially after my father cheated. I'm sure they would have wanted me to remain a virgin until marriage because they accused me of being a hore just because I dated like a normal young single-the assumption was that I slept with every man I met.  Bricks.

When I moved out on my own at 21 (Considered early in my parent's culture.) I went through a very loose phase. I wanted to make up for all that I missed in adolescence because I had parents who wouldn't let me do anything until I was eighteen. I felt like I was in jail growing up and when I moved out, I went nuts. It was painful yet fun growth experience and it made me into an amazing lover. My husband knows about my past so he considers it a great compliment that I married my best f**k.


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## WhereAmI

I found out I was pregnant the day before my appointment for birth control. I was 16.

If my daughter asks to be put on birth control I will find a way to get her in that office that day. I'm not fond of birth control and question the long term side effects, but I want her to finish school and be on her feet before having a child. As for my boys, I'll have condoms in the house. My husband lost his virginity at freakin' 12 years old, but I'm a little nervous about giving the boys condoms that early. We will have certainly had the talk by then and I'll at least have a box sitting in the open "accidentally" a few times so they know where to find them.

I've have age appropriate talks with my children and answer any questions they have. My oldest still feels comfortable asking questions. I'm crossing my fingers it will last.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trickster

omega said:


> I'd err on the side of caution, i.e., making birth control available. My parents were terrified to discuss anything sexual with me and even opted me out of sex ed at school. Luckily for everyone involved I was a total geek at school and no boys were interested in me hahaha. But... then I was 18 and abroad for the first time and having sex without protection. STUPID but predictable given the background I had. I ended up back home thinking I might be pregnant, I wasn't, but it scared me enough to make a 'secret' appointment to get the pill myself. My parents didn't know, although maybe they figured it out at some point, but thank goodness I had the money and the ability to set that up by myself.
> 
> When it ended up failing me, though, it sure would have been nice if I could have told my mother. I ended up getting an abortion and she never knew (as far as I know - I never told her). We talk about everything EXCEPT sex-related topics. A horrible time in my life might have been easier if my parents hadn't spent my whole life acting like sex was the biggest taboo on the planet. Now that I'm married, I'm pretty sure my father thinks we have the only non-consummated marriage out there; his head might explode otherwise.


My wife's parents are the same way. My wife told me they NEVER talked about sex... NEVER. My wife NEVER saw her parents even kiss passionately. SOOOO she is the same way. My wife thinks sex is "taboo" from how she acts. I don't want my little 8-year old to have the same attitude.

I don't even want to think that my baby will be having sex. However, I think most teenagers do, whether we want to believe it or not. 

Sorry you had to get an abortion. It must have been horrible for you to go through that. 

I want my Daughter to always be able to come to us. I hope we can tackle whatever may come our way. I think when the time come we will discuss it anf judging from her responses, I would be OK with her being on the pill. It doesn't mean I would like it!


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## alone_not_lonely

I myself started having sex at the age of 16, always using some kind of protection. I got on the pill at 17 but still used condoms with a new partner. I did this without any discussion with my own mother because I didn't want to wind up pregnant or with an infection. Mum did, however, give me a copy of 'where did I come from?' To read when I was about 10, and answered any questions I had, and I had good sex ed classes starting from primary school.

If I had a teenage daughter, it would not only be concern of pregnancy but of STDs also that I would like to educate her about.

I would want her to have the confidence to say no to a boy and not be pressured into something, but I would also like her to be prepared for when she does decide to have sex. Mind you, I wouldn't advocate any 14 year old girl having sex, but I do advocate sex ed starting from about 12 years old- in the most basic ways of course. Make sure the secondary school has a thorough sex ed program that covers everything. And I believe a good sex ed program should cover info for both heterosexual and homosexual students, not just the heterosexuals. But that's another topic entirely lol.

I would like to think that because of all the information I had, I made informed choices about sex, even if the partners weren't the best choices. I have not had an unwanted pregnancy, nor an STD. Even when I felt pressured not to use birth control, I didn't give in.

I believe information is power, and you can give a young woman power over herself and her body when she is armed with it. By providing the tools to use with that information (stressing that it's not a free pass but could be a saving grace- and I think I would be introducing that at around age sixteen to my hypothetical daughter), I don't see how it is a bad thing.


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## Pluto2

I've told both of my girls, repeatedly, that kids make horrible parents. So birth control will always be provided to them. The bigger issue, which is a lot harder to get them to grasp, is that other forms of sexual activity that will never result in pregnancy can be emotionally damaging if you are not ready. Oral sex, sexting can all be shattering experiences for a young girl who is not as ready as she thinks to handle the repercussions.


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## that_girl

At 12, 13, 14, 15, my daughter won't be on BC. If she was that type of kid, she wouldn't be leaving the house. Thankfully she's a good kid at the moment. Good sensible person. We've had plenty of talks about sex, pregnancy, parenthood, life, etc. She saw me pregnant when she was 9 and even now says she doesn't want that for a long time. Good.

We talk about sex and she says she isn't interested...she doesn't even like any boys. I believe her as she and her friends are just kids. They still play with Littlest Pet Shop toys  hahaa This is from what I've seen anyway....and I have a lot to go by. As a teacher, I have known some pretty "fast" kids. dayum.

Maybe at 16 if she's in a state where I think she should use it, then maybe...after a talk that BC isn't a license for sex. She will again hear about diseases and the such.

At 17, i'd get her BC if she's having sex. 18, she gets it herself.

Again, it all depends on the kid. I'm not raising any grandbabies.


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## SimplyAmorous

3leafclover said:


> I was also pretty sheltered, and abstinence was the only thing taught at my private Christian high school. I even made one of those abstinence "pledges" along with every other girl in school. I wasn't allowed to go to parties. I think I was allowed to go on maybe 2 dates when I turned 16, and that was only after my father thought he'd intimidated the boy enough lol. I was the honors student, the shy/quiet/good girl in school, the absolute LAST one anybody expected would be a teen pregnancy statistic.


 I have heard so many stories like this.. and when these extremely sheltered kids get let loose in the world -after having never been taught anything else, they go hog wild....Many in my church are like this, all they know is abstinence...to teach anything else to their kids ---is like SIN.... The parents expect it & can not even entertain the idea their kids could fall outside of this, it is so very narrow. So many feel their answer is ...Home schooling ...this will do the trick... shelter shelter shelter. 

Me & my husband are the utter opposite in parenting, we would never home school our kids, we don't shelther their ears or thier eyes from what is happening in this world ... We talk about it ALL, and they have more freedoms. 1 down, 2 in the running, we'll see how it plays out. 

I guess all parents are very different, but I can only imagine how YOU yourself would never want to raise your kids this narrow. My parents didn't talk to me either.. None of them was my examples. More the openness I seen displayed at my Best friends house....they treated me like part of the family too. They talked about everything , anytime , openly... I saw that as the healthiest alternative to any parenting -ever. 



> I have a teenage son, not a daughter. I feel extremely blessed that he still feels comfortable being open with me when it comes to his questions or thoughts about sex, but I also realize that could change at any time.


 Always be approachable in all things.... this may never stop. 

I will never forget the day me & my son was riding on the bike trail (son #2)..talking about girls, he is not afraid to tell me anything - how girls were telling him he is different from other boys -he is nicer (in text- not like the dirty boys ) and he had to say....hmmm well.. and was honest how he struggles like those other boys... I just laughed . He didn't try to play it up - to allow those girls to think he was any different...in the mind anyway. 

Then he said to me..., we were riding side by side....."You're not so bad to talk too after all" ... we stopped, the whole family at this point to get a drink, sit under a tree, and he was showing me his texts from girls, I must say they are pretty aggressive today, he was saying how he feels bad letting them down. 

Our 15 yr old allowed us to read his gf's christmas letter to him, front & back, it was pretty awesome, mushy even. He even told her he allowed us to see it, she was cool with that. It's very unique in our family.


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## mickle

It is nice to so many positive stories, a beacon of common sense


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## golfergirl

that_girl said:


> At 12, 13, 14, 15, my daughter won't be on BC. If she was that type of kid, she wouldn't be leaving the house. Thankfully she's a good kid at the moment. Good sensible person.
> 
> Sorry to say - pregnant teenagers or teenage mothers aren't necessarily, 'that type of kid'. Sensible, good teens get caught in the moment and make poor judgement errors. And some just have birth control oopsies. It's easy to feel confident being on the pill, but they make them such low doses now a days, altering the time of day you take it can leave you unprotected.
> I'm sure you mean to say your daughter is at an age when she is still innocent and playing with kid toys, but good kids and sensible kids do get pregnant and a lot of posters commenting on their own teenage pregnancies prove you can't always rely on them being, 'that kind of kid' as your guideline.
> 
> It depends on the kid. I've seen 15 year olds with no interest in dating or boys and I've seen boy-crazy 10 year olds. I wouldn't go by an 'age' but more-so by development and stage in life. One thing I've learned is that saying, 'my kid would never' or, 'I would never allow my kid' sure can leave someone with egg on their face. You just never know. You can teach what you want, lay down what ever boundaries you want and they just have a mind of their own. Kids know that it is impossible to lock them up or give them away, so honest, open communication always works better than impossible threats.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omega

golfergirl said:


> that_girl said:
> 
> 
> 
> It's easy to feel confident being on the pill, but they make them such low doses now a days, altering the time of day you take it can leave you unprotected.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> 
> 
> This is not a particularly easy or fun post for me to write, but here goes:
> 
> I was on the pill when I got pregnant, I don't think it was the time of day so much as that I was very overweight at the time. I was the least likely person to get pregnant in society's view - obsessed with academics, no men were interested in me, AND I was really fat. Which of course meant that as soon as SOMEBODY was interested in me, even a little, I had no experience or self esteem to even think twice about it, much less demand he use a condom. Ended up pregnant and scheduled an abortion the first day I was late. Best end to a stupid decision I could have hoped for - the abortion procedure itself was a breeze compared to the rest of it.
> 
> I went on the copper IUD after that, and in fact I recommend the copper IUD because it is almost impossible to get pregnant using it. I'm not convinced that oral contraceptives are a good idea for teenagers -- too easy to mess up.
Click to expand...


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## Cooper

As a father my goal was for my daughter not to date until after college LOL. Not very realistic....so I talked to both my kids,(boy and girl) a lot, about sex, STD's, and responsibility. When my daughter started driving she went on the pill, that was a hard bridge for me to cross but probably the right decision. She would talk about "not being ready for sex" and then in her senior year of high school she quit talking to me about it, I figured at that point she was sexually active and I was happy she was on the pill. 

One of the odd things I found is I was never worried my daughter would become pregnant, she was always so responsible and had goals I knew she would do what she could to prevent a pregnancy. My son on the other hand scared me, he always has had girlfriends and is a pretty reckless kid. I have given him condoms but he's the type that if a girl said don't worry he wouldn't, and would have unprotected sex.

You need to think about when you were a teenager, even if you weren't sexually active you probably wanted to be! Prevention is always a better option than having to go into crisis management mode.


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## golfergirl

omega said:


> golfergirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> This is not a particularly easy or fun post for me to write, but here goes:
> 
> I was on the pill when I got pregnant, I don't think it was the time of day so much as that I was very overweight at the time. I was the least likely person to get pregnant in society's view - obsessed with academics, no men were interested in me, AND I was really fat. Which of course meant that as soon as SOMEBODY was interested in me, even a little, I had no experience or self esteem to even think twice about it, much less demand he use a condom. Ended up pregnant and scheduled an abortion the first day I was late. Best end to a stupid decision I could have hoped for - the abortion procedure itself was a breeze compared to the rest of it.
> 
> I went on the copper IUD after that, and in fact I recommend the copper IUD because it is almost impossible to get pregnant using it. I'm not convinced that oral contraceptives are a good idea for teenagers -- too easy to mess up.
> 
> 
> 
> I do agree with you. I guess my point in my post is for people like you. I didn't want someone with the guts to open up and bare their soul being hurt over an innocent comment that came out awkward.
> You don't have to be a 'fast' girl or a tramp or boy crazy or a certain type. You don't need to be irresponsible or wild to get pregnant. It happens to good, smart, honest, responsible people. Parents looking for a certain 'type' or 'sign' or set age might miss their opportunity.
> Yes it is personal to me. My 19 year old daughter - a student who is graduating from her course with great distinction in a month. A girl who while pretty and popular was not wild or irresponsible by any means just gave birth to her son 3 weeks ago.
> She was told she would not get pregnant without fertility intervention and I guess God had other plans. 3 weeks ago, her life changed. She is a responsible mom so far and have no reason to expect her to change. She was 15 and 18 when she watched me go through pregnancies and I guess it gave her some experience and knowledge as to what having a baby entails.
> It is a sressful time in anyone's life and I agree. Prevention from the get-go instead of dealing with the aftermath whether through adoption, abortion or young parenthood is by far the preferred method!
> As a side note, in Canada, or at least where I am, most doctors will not give you an IUD until you've had a pregnancy. Why? Not sure.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
Click to expand...


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## SimplyAmorous

golfergirl said:


> that_girl said:
> 
> 
> 
> It depends on the kid. I've seen 15 year olds with no interest in dating or boys and I've seen boy-crazy 10 year olds.
> 
> 
> 
> I was the type that was boy crazy at 10...always loved boys!!
> 
> I liked my GFs brothers as much as them! But I was very stubborn, I had my beliefs, I had my boundaries.. knew what I wanted in my future, very responsible, I was never the partying type teen.. . every boy who liked me, I told him upfront... he would have to marry me to get into my pants. My husband was the only one willing to wait. So I figured...he must be the one! Turns out he was.
> 
> A kid has to really know themselves and not be blown by pressures. I do remember when we 1st started touching each ohter, thinking "Oh my God how are we going to wait'"...but we did. NO intercourse ... you get used to it after awhile. I don't think we are the norm by any means, but some kids are more responsibly minded than others, and have learned how to delay gratification.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> As a side note, in Canada, or at least where I am, most doctors will not give you an IUD until you've had a pregnancy. Why? Not sure
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> I know why... 2 reasons, it helps if the uterus is stretched a little - less likley to come out ... but the MAIN REASON IS... IUDS should NEVER NEVER be used where the woman is promiscousk, becaue of possible STD's ..... because it breeds infection at a HIGHER rate over any other birth control...which could lead to pelvic inflammatory diseases ...could cause alot of female problems down the road, if that would happen.
> 
> I think the copper Non -hormonal IUD is the best birth control on the market if you are monogomous & had a child though. I love mine !
Click to expand...


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## omega

SimplyAmorous said:


> but the MAIN REASON IS... IUDS should NEVER NEVER be used where the woman is promiscousk, becaue of possible STD's ..... because it breeds infection at a HIGHER rate over any other birth control...which could lead to pelvic inflammatory diseases ...could cause alot of female problems down the road, if that would happen.


True. I didn't think of that. Of course, I didn't have sex for many years after I got pregnant, and when I eventually did, I used condoms 100% of the time with the copper IUD. You don't make the same mistake twice!!! Even though I lost 100 lbs, I never took oral contraceptives again. I don't think they're such a great method for many reasons, and I think that a lot of teenagers are probably too irresponsible to rely on anything that needs to be taken at the same time everyday (and I don't mean that in an unkind way - I'm in my 30s and I'd have a hard time remembering too!)

I had a hard time finding a medical provider to give me a copper IUD. I think I had to call around to 10+ places before I found a Planned Parenthood willing to do it. But I was persistent and I even got it paid for by my insurance.  It was worth it for peace of mind. If I ever had a daughter (extremely unlikely!) I'd let her choose whatever method she felt best with, but I'd give her the benefit of my experience.


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## golfergirl

omega said:


> True. I didn't think of that. Of course, I didn't have sex for many years after I got pregnant, and when I eventually did, I used condoms 100% of the time with the copper IUD. You don't make the same mistake twice!!! Even though I lost 100 lbs, I never took oral contraceptives again. I don't think they're such a great method for many reasons, and I think that a lot of teenagers are probably too irresponsible to rely on anything that needs to be taken at the same time everyday (and I don't mean that in an unkind way - I'm in my 30s and I'd have a hard time remembering too!)
> 
> I had a hard time finding a medical provider to give me a copper IUD. I think I had to call around to 10+ places before I found a Planned Parenthood willing to do it. But I was persistent and I even got it paid for by my insurance.  It was worth it for peace of mind. If I ever had a daughter (extremely unlikely!) I'd let her choose whatever method she felt best with, but I'd give her the benefit of my experience.


I can't remember to take pill haha. I too wouldn't trust anyone but myself with BC pills. A lot of guys just think, 'phew - she's protected'. No to mention STD's, but I wouldn't allow my son to count on that as a sure thing. I don't let other people make my decisions for me when it is something so important.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EALR

I am a teen mom. My daughter will be on the shot the minute she can get it. My parents talked about sex with me and I still got pregnant. Every teen should be on birth control. Sex should be an ongoing conversation not just one big when a man loves a women speech! The only way you can prevent your children from making children is to make damn sure they are protecting themselves! Make your daughters take the pill or the shot in fact watch her take it make it a ritual!! I hope by the time I have a son old enough they have a guy birth control!!!!!!


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## stoney1215

SimplyAmorous said:


> You are sure thinking A LONG time in advance there!
> 
> I only have 1 daughter, she is not even 10 yet... I have plans, dreams, and great hopes for her future. I did a thread on what I will teach her as she grows....
> 
> It covers such talk... STD's, boys, SEX, marraige.... all of it. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family...-sex-relation-love-her-emotions-her-life.html
> 
> I am really BIG on open communication with my kids. I would rather NOT have my daughter use birth control.. .I never liked the side effects (I know it is minor, but -one of the reasons I never used any my whole life - when married -we used rubbers, then an IUD in my 40's)...... and I would prefer my daughter to wait till she is married or at the very least ....deeply in love , engaged...to a committed man who would honor her even if the birth control failed (and it does sometimes...have known 3 women who have conceived on the pill taking anti-biotics).
> 
> I do feel if you buy this for your daughter, even before she has a boyfriend...it is a lisence to "go ..."enjoy' sex" ....even casual sex.
> 
> However if my daughter started acting out if character, hanging with a shady crowd, Bad boys...since I can't tie her up in her bedroom, I would choose this over nothing -if I feared she WAS having unprotected sex.
> 
> But I am more inclined to believe she will listen to our wisdom, see value in what we teach, hang with a crowd of teens who are not ingaging in casual sex easily.....the last thing I want is her to indulge with boys who will use her and throw her away, this is more than just about getting pregnant... alot of emotional hurt comes with engaging sexually...too soon, I don't want her to have regrets.


as anyone who has ever had sex knows , no parent has ever given their child permission to have sex , and no child has ever asked for nor needed their parents permission to have sex . 

as parents we all know it is better for kids to wait until they are emotionally mature enough to handle sexual relationships . that is why we tell them to wait . as parents we also know it is our responsibility to educate our kids , and to teach them how to protect themselves when they do decide to have sex . 

all parents should put their daughters on birth control for their safety and protection . it is an unfortunate fact of life for women that they may someday be the victim of rape . if your daughter is the victim of rape how would you feel knowing that while she is dealing with that she also has to deal with the child of the rapist growing inside of her because you did not want to give her permission to have sex ???????

our daughters are not ****s or *****s . they are not dirty or bad or damaged if they have sex . they deserve parents who teach them to define their own self worth based on who they are as people , not based on their sex lives .


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## Tikii

My daughters will not be able to go on birth control. I was not able to, my mom wasn't able to, basically no woman in my family has been able to because of our family history. It's really not something that I've ever even thought about because it's just not happening. 

I will teach abstinence, and make her very aware that she cannot go on BC at any costs(unless things change in the near future with the pill). It may suck for her, but it is what it is.


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## SimplyAmorous

stoney1215 said:


> all parents should put their daughters on birth control for their safety and protection . it is an unfortunate fact of life for women that they may someday be the victim of rape . if your daughter is the victim of rape how would you feel knowing that while she is dealing with that she also has to deal with the child of the rapist growing inside of her because you did not want to give her permission to have sex ???????


 I will admit, I worry about many things in this world and try my damnest to prevent them, but I can't say I am tremendously worried my daughter will be raped someday, I am careful who my kids hang with, always knowing where they are, I wouldn't allow my daughter to walk alone on the streets, I guess I figure this should give her a 95% chance of it not happening. 



> our daughters are not ****s or *****s . they are not dirty or bad or damaged if they have sex . they deserve parents who teach them to define their own self worth based on who they are as people , not based on their sex lives .


 Are you trying to suggest I am a parent that teaches otherwise , or my daughter deserves a differernt type of parent -because I have a differnet view over yourself ?


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## dixieangel

My oldest daughter is 25. When she was 15, I put her on birth control. Of course I had open communication with her, unlike my parents with me. (One of those things you swear you will do differently than your parents) I was highly religious and was taught virginity until marriage was of the utmost importance. To not do this would be to carry the scarlett letter...

A teenage pregnancy would've been extremely devastating. I made the decision to choose between the lesser of two evils. I'd prefer my daughter have sex and be safe than to wind up pregnant.

I belonged to a very strict religious faith growing up and honestly, I got married too young (19 yo) for a couple of reasons: 1- I wanted to leave the abusive home I grew up in and 2- I lived by such strict religious standards and I was so fearful I'd have a moment of weakness and lose my virginity before marriage...then I'd be a worthless person and go to Hell.

It is IMO, very wrong to put so much emphasis on sexuality. The effect it had on me altered the course of my life. I wanted my daughter to not feel like she'd be worthless because of having sex. And not be in a rush to get married because of that fear. I wanted her to experience different people and have some life experience before choosing a partner for LIFE.

I didn't want her to make my same mistakes. Rushing into something so serious as marriage due to running away from difficulties or fear of being a bad person...and carrying around the scarlett letter for the rest of her life.

I have problems with organized religion because of the hypocrisy. It kills me that people go around judging others and calling themselves Christians. There is more judging and prejudice in religious organizations than outside of them...I've been both places.


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## MrsKy

You are so right, dixieangel.

My parents were much too strict and when I moved out at 21 to get away from their abuse, I went crazy because I had no freedom during my teen years and I wanted to make up for lost time.

The rule was I could not have a boyfriend until age 18. When my mom asked me if I was having sex, I was honest with her. Momma wanted to take to the doctors in order to get on The Pill and she was very happy when she found out I was taking it already. 

I won't comment on whether or not parents should put their child on BC, because I do not have children and therefore cannot truly understand.


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## SimplyAmorous

dixieangel said:


> I belonged to a very strict religious faith growing up and honestly, I got married too young (19 yo) for a couple of reasons: 1- I wanted to leave the abusive home I grew up in and 2- I lived by such strict religious standards and I was so fearful I'd have a moment of weakness and lose my virginity before marriage...then I'd be a worthless person and go to Hell.


 I feel the church goes way too far on these things as well. To the point of setting teens up for Sexual Repression and Shame for natural human feelings of HOT desire. So in this respect, I agree with you. 



> It is IMO, very wrong to put so much emphasis on sexuality. The effect it had on me altered the course of my life. I wanted my daughter to not feel like she'd be worthless because of having sex. And not be in a rush to get married because of that fear. I wanted her to experience different people and have some life experience before choosing a partner for LIFE.


 The only difference I feel here is... to make sure a daughter understands where the man's motivation & heart is at... how does she feel about him... will she be devestated if he leaves her in a few months down the road? 

I feel these questions should be talked about ~ Mothers & daughters should have such freedom to confide their hearts to each other, all women are emotional & even Love can blossom in these early years. Some say we are not fully mature until after age 24 --or something like that though. (??).

Nothing wrong with having a variety of dating relationships, I feel this is very healthy to see what works for us. 



> I didn't want her to make my same mistakes. Rushing into something so serious as marriage due to running away from difficulties or fear of being a bad person...and carrying around the scarlett letter for the rest of her life.


 Noone should rush into marraige for these reasons, my parents did this because my Mom's Mother was harping on them for having sex, it was a mistake, they did not belong together - nothing in common....but raging hormones. 



> I have problems with organized religion because of the hypocrisy. It kills me that people go around judging others and calling themselves Christians. There is more judging and prejudice in religious organizations than outside of them...I've been both places.


 Whether one is a Christian or not, we all have a threshold of standards we desire to live by & also hand down to our children ... there is a sliding scale to where that bar is in each family - which genereally has reasons attached to it. Using Fear of religion is NOT one of them -ever - in my opinion. 

If a daughter is taught all sides of an issue... with the possible emotional implications afterwards... the parent has done their job well. After this -the girl will DO what she wants to DO. For her to be open & the parent to be open to deal with whatever that "DOING" is going to be.... this is wisdom. 

But to just pass out birth control and neglect talking about these issues...This Mom would not agree. 

Anyone who lives one way before others, then hides their true colors - while judging others is a hypocrite, by definition. But not all Christian are, and neither are non -christians immune from this awful character flaw. 

I have grave problems with organized religion as well - I despise their Mantra on Lust....and feel the "silver ring thing" program sets kids up for falling BIG TIME. Did a thread on it here >>

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family...r-silver-ring-thing-purity-ring-movement.html


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## costa200

Well, just to chip in with something, i have a bad experience in the family with someone who gave BC to two daughters. Apparently the girls thought that since they were on the pill they did not need to worry about condoms... So, make sure to teach your girls that even on BC they still need to use condoms to stop STDs. And even then there is danger of some STDs.


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## Mizpah

I was raised in a family where pre-martial sex was not encouraged, and my husband was my first, while pre-premarital I knew we would be together always. We have no children, but I do wish that I had been on the pill before then not for the sex alone, but for the other benefits. 

I pretty much demanded that my mother put my teenage sister on birth control. I don't believe that she will have sex, but she is going to college soon, and after some experiences of friends, and even family, I want her protected in the case she is ever raped or simply decides as I did that she has found the one. My mother loosened up enough on the issue, and she allowed it, thank God.

Birth control is not saying "Here, go have sex." It can help with period issues, like I have, and also help protect against pregnancy from rape. We don't believe in abortion, but seeing as how my great grandmother and aunt both had children by their attackers, one of whom died along with her child in childbirth, I don't want that future or possibility for my sister or myself.


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## Advocado

Although I can and do understand why a parent would want to put their teen daughter on birth control I just feel uncomfortable with it - like why take medication unless you really need to (side effects).

I probably need to think about supplying teenage daughter with condoms, rather than taking the pill - works for pregnancy and STDs.

Reasons For Teenage Pregnancy
In the link above a teen talks about teen pregnancy and says that the best way of prevent it is for a girl to have self esteem (so this is what we parents have to work on) and she also gives her views on why girls, and boys, have sex early.


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## StargateFan

stoney1215 said:


> *as anyone who has ever had sex knows , no parent has ever given their child permission to have sex ,* and no child has ever asked for nor needed their parents permission to have sex .
> 
> as parents we all know it is better for kids to wait until they are emotionally mature enough to handle sexual relationships . that is why we tell them to wait . as parents we also know it is our responsibility to educate our kids , and to teach them how to protect themselves when they do decide to have sex .
> 
> all parents should put their daughters on birth control for their safety and protection . it is an unfortunate fact of life for women that they may someday be the victim of rape . if your daughter is the victim of rape how would you feel knowing that while she is dealing with that she also has to deal with the child of the rapist growing inside of her because you did not want to give her permission to have sex ???????
> 
> our daughters are not ****s or *****s . they are not dirty or bad or damaged if they have sex . they deserve parents who teach them to define their own self worth based on who they are as people , not based on their sex lives .


Unfortunately that is not the case. My SIL a nurse at an urban hospital. I don't remember the exact circumstances but it boiled down to a mother complaining to the ER Dr. that her 14 year old daughter could not get pregnant. I know shocking. The extra baby would mean a bigger govt. check. I am not a Tea Party, right wing type at all but the sad truth is that there is a culture of dependency out there. Coupled with the fact that in certain urban cultures until you are a mother you are just a "ho" and do not get any respect. 

I know the legal age for marriage is 14 in Alabama and 15 in Kansas. That is the appeal of abstinence only sex ed. You don't have to abstain for very long. :rofl:


I do not have an answer to the problem, I wish I did.


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## d4life

kcb22 said:


> But you see girls on 16 and Pregnant on MTV that look like they're good students, hanging out with good kids, and yet they end up pregnant.
> 
> You're right about the emotional aspect too. I just wonder if my kids will listen to me when I tell them these things.


Maybe they will, maybe they won't. I am very open with my children about it and I would love for them to follow my advice, but that's not always the case.

I have learned that you inform them the best that you can. You answer questions honestly and provide birth control if asked to, or if it will ease your mind. When it comes to "that time", it's all on them, no matter what you have said or done. 

Planning now for future children is sweet, but things change so fast that your head will spin. You really just have to have somewhat of a plan, but adjust it as you go and take it one day at a time.


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## Miss Taken

I was a teen mom. I was orphaned at thirteen and raised myself from then on, making some mistakes along the way. When I met my ex at sixteen, I was already living on my own and holding down two jobs to support myself. I lived like an adult, formed an adult relationship and paid the adult consequences of becoming a mother to my oldest by age eighteen. My circumstances were different from many and I was fortunate - even though my relationship ended last year, to go on to college, graduate and start my career despite being a young mother.

While neither of my kids will have to grow up as I did, (without parents), I am still a realist and know that even teens from "good homes" have sex. So I will do my damnedest to prevent teen pregnancy because while in many ways, I feel I was a successful teen mother; I do not want that for them. I've already started the sex-education talks and will continue to do so (age appropriately) as my kids grow. Of course I will stress to them that I hope that they wait and the possible consequences of not waiting but when I think that they might be sexually active, I will make condoms available and if I ever have daughters, birth control.


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## turnera

My DD22 has been on it since 17. But she's still a virgin. I raised her to understand that sex at that age is merely a physical urge for boys, and a romanticized notion for girls. That boys in junior or senior high are VERY unlikely to end up their soul mate or married to them (spare me the 'well, I did...' - we all know there are some who worked out), so giving it up for them would only end up her feeling used. I told her to not give it up for at least a few months, and that way she'd know that the guy is really into her and not just getting some. She's come very.close a couple times but, as many teen/young adult relationships do, they ended before it got that far. And she is VERY picky on who she'll go out with, so she's only had 2 boyfriends in 4 years of college (and she's fine with that, too busy). But I'm glad she had the BC anyway.


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## Bellavista

I thought long & hard about this matter. Our eldest son fathered a child when he was 18 & the mother was 17. I don't think anything would have prevented that because this girl was pretty determined to have a baby so she could escape from her home life. (In Aus you get a fair bit of government support when you are a single parent.)

Our eldest daughter went on the pill at age 14. Firstly due to ovarian cysts & very painful periods. Secondly because she went though a stage of sneaking out at night. No matter what we said to her, she was going to do what she wanted.
Our youngest daughter, now 15, shows no signs of needing to go onto birth control, however, if I thought for one minute she was going to be sexually active, I would have her on the pill.
My SIL refused to believe that her daughter & her boyfriend would have sex. After all, her daughter told her they weren't, een though they slept over at each others places. Well, my niece is now 18 with 2 little kids and depressed. The boy is 20 & working 2 jobs to support a family. Realistically, neither of them has much chance of seeing any of the dreams they had previously regarding future careers coming to pass.

Sometimes, no matter what we teach our kids, they have sex. It may be the moment got away from them, it may be they think we have no clue what we are talking about, it just happens.
I used to be of the opinion that if you put a teen on birth control they will take it as free reign to have sex, but having had teens, I know that if they are going to have sex, they will do it, stuff the consequences. 

Tunera, great job with your daughter, she sounds like she has her head screwed on the right way.


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## turnera

Thanks, bella.


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## d4life

Bellavista said:


> I thought long & hard about this matter. Our eldest son fathered a child when he was 18 & the mother was 17. I don't think anything would have prevented that because this girl was pretty determined to have a baby so she could escape from her home life. (In Aus you get a fair bit of government support when you are a single parent.)
> 
> Our eldest daughter went on the pill at age 14. Firstly due to ovarian cysts & very painful periods. Secondly because she went though a stage of sneaking out at night. No matter what we said to her, she was going to do what she wanted.
> Our youngest daughter, now 15, shows no signs of needing to go onto birth control, however, if I thought for one minute she was going to be sexually active, I would have her on the pill.
> My SIL refused to believe that her daughter & her boyfriend would have sex. After all, her daughter told her they weren't, een though they slept over at each others places. Well, my niece is now 18 with 2 little kids and depressed. The boy is 20 & working 2 jobs to support a family. Realistically, neither of them has much chance of seeing any of the dreams they had previously regarding future careers coming to pass.
> 
> Sometimes, no matter what we teach our kids, they have sex. It may be the moment got away from them, it may be they think we have no clue what we are talking about, it just happens.
> I used to be of the opinion that if you put a teen on birth control they will take it as free reign to have sex, but having had teens, I know that if they are going to have sex, they will do it, stuff the consequences.
> 
> Tunera, great job with your daughter, she sounds like she has her head screwed on the right way.


I provided birth control for my daughter, mainly to help with cramps. She also kept condoms in her car and on her too. She knows all about the risks involved, yet I get a phone call today that she is pregnant. She is 20 years old, dating a deadbeat drug head guy with no job. We are not thrilled.

You can put your daughter on birth control, but she still has to use it for it to work.


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## larry.gray

If your daughter is involved with a guy like that, the best gift you can give her is an IUD.


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## turnera

d4life said:


> You can put your daughter on birth control, but she still has to use it for it to work.


 That's why DD22 chose the quarterly shots - no periods, and MUCH less chance of a mishap. And now she's looking at the arm implant that lasts 3 years.


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## underwater2010

My oldest daughter is 13 yrs old right now. She currently has a "boyfriend" she goes to school with. They do not go on dates. Here is how things have been handled so far.

5 yrs...."mom, auntie says you can get pregnant from kissing." Me: "No you cannot not" and proceed to answer her little innocent questions we brief but honest answers.

10 yrs..."Mom I started my period please come home" I flew home with pads and ice cream sandwhiches. Me: "Now you can get pregnant" and I proceeded to tell her how it happens. Her: "That is so gross". Me: "You say that know but when you are 15-16 yrs old you are going to be making out with a boy and things are going to feel good. It will be hard to stop."

13 yrs...There is an add for condoms on the radio while she is painting her room with daddy. Dad: "Do you know what those are?". Her: "Yes." Dad: "Okay". Later I had a discussion with her regarding the use of condoms to prevent not only pregnancy but STDs as well. Ecspecially how not every STD is prevented using a condom.

We also talk about her current relationship and use articles in the news to talk about how sex can effect a relationship. We have also talked about date rape now and in college. How not to put herself in bad situations. We also talk about sexting and sending pics.

But here is my favorite line ever to her:

"Four out of Five guys will tell you they love you just to get in your pants. Don't believe me, go ask your dad how he was when he was a teenager."


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## underwater2010

I forgot to say that if my daughter was mature enough to come and ask me to obtain birth control for her....I would 100% do it.


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## SadSamIAm

We have two daughters who are now 17 and 19. When they were 16 they asked about 'birth control' in order to 'help make periods more regular' and to 'help with acne'.

We knew that this was only part of the reason. They didn't have 'boyfriends' but they were going out a bit.

My father's sister got pregnant at 18. One of my sisters got pregnant in grade twelve. One of my neices got pregnant at 19. All of these were accidents that happened prior to marriage. My wife had sex in high school. I had sex in high school. I was just 'lucky' that I didn't get someone pregnant. These family situations along with knowledge of many more unwanted pregnancies made our decision much easier.

We allowed our daughters to go on birth control at 16. We talked to them about sex and how it is best to avoid it until you find that special someone that you think you will be spending the rest of your life with. But we are realistic. We know that most teenagers have sex at some point during high school.

Better safe than sorry.


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## turnera

underwater2010 said:


> I forgot to say that if my daughter was mature enough to come and ask me to obtain birth control for her....I would 100% do it.


 Yeah, I had the "I think I'm pregnant" talk with my mom, because she had her head in the sand and never talked to me about BC. Not fun.


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## underwater2010

I can even take this a step further....I recently talked with my 11 yr old son about sex and the use of condoms. I stressed just about every other sentence with it is his job to prevent having a baby until he is financially able to support both the mother and his child. Even if the girl/woman says she is on birth control, he is to do his part in prevention. It is his body and his job to respect it.


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## SadSamIAm

underwater2010 said:


> I can even take this a step further....I recently talked with my 11 yr old son about sex and the use of condoms. I stressed just about every other sentence with it is his job to prevent having a baby until he is financially able to support both the mother and his child. Even if the girl/woman says she is on birth control, he is to do his part in prevention. It is his body and his job to respect it.


Good Job ... but as they say

With a son you only have to worry about one 'prick'.

With a daughter you have to worry about every 'prick' in town.


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## Hope1964

I bought a box of condoms and told all the kids where they were kept. I know for a fact my daughter used them the night she lost her virginity. Don't know if the boys ever used them.

When my daughter was 12 or 13 I got her this book

Toni Weschler&apos;s Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen&apos;s Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body

She also will not use hormonal birth control, so I bought her this book

Taking Charge of Your Fertility She uses condoms and cycle tracking to prevent pregnancy. When she has sex.


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## Anonymous07

If I ever have a daughter, I don't think I'll put her on birth control. She needs to understand all that sex entails and the consequences of such actions. I would have no problem talking to her about sex and everything involved, but would not help her become sexually active. My mother never talked to me about sex, but I knew enough on my own to not sleep around and not get pregnant. I waited to have sex with my husband, even though it was before we got married, I knew our relationship was actually going somewhere(had sex after we got engaged). 

I've noticed with my extended family and some friends that there tends to be similarities between those who had sex early on and gotten pregnant, compared to those who didn't. I know this does not apply to everyone, but it has been true for those I have known. My 2 cousins who got knocked up in high school and for a couple friends who got pregnant in high school or right after, they were all strongly looking for attention and did not have the highest self-esteem. 

My cousin could rarely tell anyone 'no' and she was "on birth control". Of course she never took it correctly, missing a day or two here and there and then doubling or tripling up a couple days later. Even if you give your child birth control, it still has to be used correctly in order for it to work. Too many girls mess up with taking the birth control pill. They miss a day or two of taking it or don't pay attention when the doctor says that taking anti-biotics will cancel out the birth control pill, so you have to use a back up method of birth control for at least a week. That and the birth control pill does not protect against STDs/STIs. I've known a few girls who got pressured into not using a condom because the guy kept saying she was on the pill, so why should he have to wear a condom. Sad, but true.


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## turnera

meh

I gave DD22 BC at 17, and she's still a virgin. It's not giving them BC that makes them sexually active - it is how you parent them.


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## RECHTSANWALT

Having read good reviews about The Nurture Assumption, I wonder how many parents/girls here agree with the basic premise of the book: that parental influences matter little, what matters most is the company and peer influence upon the child(ren).

Also I'd like to know, would mothers here be more willing to let their daughters 'date' boys from certain Asian cultures that are known to value women?

SOrry, I only have questions and no answers to this issue.


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## turnera

I value the nurture theory SOMEwhat, but I would in no way raise that to be the ultimate driver. I watched DD22's friends and their parents VERY closely, as I am big into psychology (call it a study, if you will). Every parent who tried to control their kids with 'because I say so' or made it scary or detrimental to tell your parents the truth (lest they get torn down or torn apart) ended up with a kid who broke rules, snuck out, had sex, took drugs, dropped out of school, got grounded, or all of the above. Of all the kids, DD22 is the only one who never did anything to get in trouble (except for leaving the site of a get-together once to go walking), who will graduate college on time (most aren't even IN college any more - gave up), puts school ahead of having a boyfriend (too busy), and is still a virgin.

She's getting a PhD in biopsychology. She told me the other day that I was an authoritative (not to be confused with authoritarian) parent, which is considered the best for optimal raising of kids. She tells me that she's the way she is (all the above) directly BECAUSE of my style of parenting, according to her professors.

She hung out with drug users, skaters, gays and lesbians, ALL her female friends were having sex, and yet she turned out this way. They're all scrambling to keep a job or raise a baby or two now (or still living at home).

She actually tells me she'd like to meet an Asian guy, as they are usually more academically driven than your typical white male American guy. And she refuses to date anyone who won't work hard to secure his financial future (had a few User boyfriends).

So, no, I guess I don't prescribe to the nurture methodology.
Authoritative Parenting - What Is Authoritative Parenting


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