# So sad today



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Today I've been a mess. I've been holding up pretty well considering what I've been through in the past year or so. For those who know my story you know what I mean.

I can't stop crying. I want to know why he did this. Why he did all those things to hurt me. Why he found other women all so appealing and told me I was a total pain in the azz, a bit#h, a slew of other horrible names. Why did he lie to me? Why did he string me along the entire time telling me he still loved me, taking me on dates, calling me, gifts etc, and he was seeing other women the entire time.

Why did he post pictures of him and his love interests all over the internet for every person we know to see. Was that to intentionally humilate me? He must have known how crushed I was to see that.

All I ever wanted was a happy family and a loving husband. 

I have lived my life well, I have never hurt someone or done something to harm someone's life. Yet he made me feel like the lowest life form on the planet. 

I don't understand any of it.

And now he wants me to forgive him. He wants to be a family again. He says he is sorry and wants to turn back the clock. He says he is disgusted in his behaviour and hates himself for what he's done.

I wish I could believe him and forgive him. But I can't. The pain is so deep and the damage is so irreversible.


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## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

The damage is only irreversible if you want it to be. You need to search deep within yourself and figure out if this is something you want to get past or not. You may, you may not.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Broken - DO NOT give in to that man. He is just trying to hurt you again. 

Do not listen to his words. What do his actions say? Is he still with OW? Or is this just like every other time he has come back to say "sorry"


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You've given him too much power. Take it back.

ETA: You will never know the answers to your questions. Let them go.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Its time of you to step up and really move on, put this all behind you. I know its brutally painful, even something you might not be ready to let go cause you don't have answers.

But, your tearing your life up for something you have no control over anymore. Control what you can: yourself. Try to always find a positive in even the worst situations. Make everything about you!! not him or why. 

Get some hobbies going, take a night class, reconnect with old friends, go to the gym/exercise, make sure your eating right, read a good book (not one about marriage) but a novel or even a SELF help book. You need to change the way your mind is focusing. You need to change your habits. I've been taking a dance class so I can get back into the action, a cooking class to help take care of my kids, etc, etc.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Broken- I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm still going through that even though my divorce is finally over. Don't give in to him! It's all games! And he's really sick in his head. 

A really good friend of mine would tell me everyday to "Forget his drama and FOCUS." That's what I did (although many times I forgot to focus). Continue on with your divorce process and stay strong. It's really tough, i know, but it's really not worth it to keep letting him do this to you.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

As I sit here tearing up, all I can say is be as strong as you can. We all know it is more than "not easy", it looks impossible. You have trouble believing you will be OK, but you know from everyone here that sends you a note to give you comfort and support that it is the truth cause we are living it as well.

I don't know if it will help, but each day I did not have contact my emotion turned from I hope to see her to dreading the infrequent times I have to see her.

Be good, be strong,
Stretch


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Today was a little better. I thought through a lot of things. My head tells me lots but my heart tells me another.

He says he loves me. What he's done, you don't allow to happen to your family. You don't get some other casual sex buddy pregnant. He's a grown man and this is the second time he's gotten some skank he's not married to knocked up. You don't keep bringing people between you and your family. This OW is not the first. He's let his mother get between us, his female "best friend", ex-girlfriends and others. He has no boundaries whatsoever.

I know I should be running the other way and I am its just hard to let go of the dream I had when we met and got married. We were so in love and happy. We had everything going for us.

He has lost everything he has and now his family and yet he doesn't seek to make any changes. He just makes the same stupid mistakes over and over.

His career will be the next thing he'll lose.

I try to keep reminding myself of all the things he's done to destroy our relationship, our life and our family. That way I keep going on and try to cut him out of my life.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Theres still way too much of : he did this...... he did that.....
in your comments. 

I'd love for you to start saying "I did this for myself today.....I did that for myself today......

Moving on is about actions you do for yourself, as much as it is about forgetting the past and not letting it control what you can do for yourself.


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