# too much teasing



## PaintLife

Has anyone else experienced negative feelings when your partner teases you too much. Some, maybe a lot, of guys like to tease girls. It is their way of flirting and being interesting. My experience with teasing is that sometimes there is too much teasing. Or the teasing doesn't automatically make me think I'm being cute and enjoyed. Sometimes teasing makes me think my husband is superior, either in his skills or the way he thinks. Now, I don't think my husband means for his teasing to make me feel this way, however after feeling frustrated about the teasing, I researched it and found out why too much teasing can turn off girls. It can turn off girls when they start to feel like the teasing is competitive. In example, if the guy is teasing a girl about how she always get lost when she's driving. The guy might think it is cute and thus he will tease her out of affection. However, if the guy teases her a lot about a lot of things, then the girl might start to take these teases personally and think she is not as "good" as her man...since she makes all of these "mistakes" which she gets teased about. Does this make sense?

Has anyone experienced this kind of reaction to teasing?


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## Runs like Dog

That depends on what you mean. My wife is constantly claiming "I'm just teasing.....!" Everyone else calls it psychotic abuse.


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## that_girl

I am not a fan of teasing. Thankfully hubs isn't a teaser.

I am sensitive that way. I can't help it.

Some teasing is ok when it's mutual and we're goofing around.

but to take a cheap shot at someone and then say, "JUST KIDDING!" really irks me.

Probably because my mom would do that and then say, 'Oh lighten up.'  Words hurt.


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## Lon

If I would tease my ex in the slightest she would become snarly and miserable for weeks until she would finally tell me how hurt she was by my teasing, how she was bullied by her older brother and she absolutely hated it and felt like I was bullying her. I tried hard to keep the teasing very minimal and NEVER intentionally made cheap shots, if I did tease her would try to give her a wink and smile, but it made no difference. It was near impossible for me to not test the waters with a tiny little rib once in awhile, especially when the communication broke down, I felt like I had to try something to break the ice. Anyhow I stopped teasing her completely around the time I gave up trying to pursue her, because I was afraid to stir the hornets nest.


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## shy_guy

My wife and I joke a lot. I tease some, too, but I make sure it's really light-hearted. I take my shots at myself, too, when self-deprecating humor fits the mood better, or when I've done something that just has it coming ... I might as well get in on that action . 

I don't tease much about mistakes, and don't tease when I can sense tensions getting high. In that case, it's time to change gears and become supportive.

Something I've seen peple do that irritates me (whether it's directed at me, or at someone else) is what I call "Ridicule into submission." That's sometimes done under the guise of teasing, but from my viewpoint, it's manipulative and cowardly. I usually see it done because it's safer for someone to "tease," then if it blows up they can say "I was just joking," but in reality, they were trying to use the ridicule to influence someone else's behavior. There's a definite difference between light-hearted teasing where both people can enjoy it, and attempts to ridicule into submission.


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## Lon

shy_guy said:


> Something I've seen peple do that irritates me (whether it's directed at me, or at someone else) is what I call "Ridicule into submission." That's sometimes done under the guise of teasing, but from my viewpoint, it's manipulative and cowardly. I usually see it done because it's safer for someone to "tease," then if it blows up they can say "I was just joking," but in reality, they were trying to use the ridicule to influence someone else's behavior. There's a definite difference between light-hearted teasing where both people can enjoy it, and attempts to ridicule into submission.


:iagree:

This is exactly how my ex W described her brothers teasing growing up together... And it forever has put her on the defensive... must have caused permanent damage because looking back its not just me, light hearted teasing from anyone seriously upsets her. In a similar was she also got very guarded when someone really wanted their way and it meant she had to conceed something, she seemed to take any form of negativity as personal ridicule and her solution many times was to cut those people (including close family) from her life completely. It was a scary thing to witness - and to go through.


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## heartsbeating

Our teasing is humorous and light-hearted. He said to me recently that he likes that I can laugh at myself. If for some reason I don't find it funny, then I'll just tell him straight up and he'll respect that. He knows me well though so that's a rare occurrence. 

Almost the opposite to Lon's post, I grew up with my older brother and the laughs and torments that go along with that. Hubs grew up an only child so I think out of the two of us, being able to tease and make fun was a new thing to him.

Sometimes when I'm annoyed he doesn't take me seriously. That's not to say I don't feel listened to or not taken seriously most of the time... but there's certain moments where he says he can see that I really want to laugh. Apparently he can see it in my cheeks where I store my giggles. He tries to catch the smiles/laughs emerging. I tell him I'm not going to laugh. Somehow it's inevitable that I end up laughing though. 

I guess it's just knowing each other and respecting what's acceptable.


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## Mavash.

I was tortured with teasing by my abusive dad and his 5 brothers. Therefore I do NOT like it now. The occasional light hearted banter is one thing but regular instances of teasing? No to me that's abusive given my past.


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## SunnyT

*if the guy teases her a lot about a lot of things, then the girl might start to take these teases personally and think she is not as "good" as her man...since she makes all of these "mistakes" which she gets teased about. Does this make sense?*

Unless, she has healthy self-esteem...then she will shut down, withdraw emotionally, not share, and lose respect for the schmuck. OTOH...if she has really good self esteem, she would just walk away from him and his crap. 

Can you tell I've been there? I grew up with 7 brothers and 4 sisters... teasing was a way of life. There is a huge difference between good-hearted teasing and put downs. Joking is one thing, but being put down by the one who is supposed to love and cherish you gets old. 

"Is that what you're wearing?"
"We're having THAT again for dinner?"
"You BROKE the car again?" 
"She's the same age as you and she looks HOT!"
"You lost weight? No you didn't, look behind you..."


I guess this post hit a sore spot that I didn't know I have! But that was a lifetime ago, the schmuck is gone. Now, teasing and laughter are a huge part of my life...in a good way!


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## heartsbeating

SunnyT said:


> *if the guy teases her a lot about a lot of things, then the girl might start to take these teases personally and think she is not as "good" as her man...since she makes all of these "mistakes" which she gets teased about. Does this make sense?*
> 
> Unless, she has healthy self-esteem...then she will shut down, withdraw emotionally, not share, and lose respect for the schmuck. OTOH...if she has really good self esteem, she would just walk away from him and his crap.
> 
> Can you tell I've been there? I grew up with 7 brothers and 4 sisters... teasing was a way of life. There is a huge difference between good-hearted teasing and put downs. Joking is one thing, but being put down by the one who is supposed to love and cherish you gets old.
> 
> "Is that what you're wearing?"
> "We're having THAT again for dinner?"
> "You BROKE the car again?"
> "She's the same age as you and she looks HOT!"
> "You lost weight? No you didn't, look behind you..."
> 
> 
> I guess this post hit a sore spot that I didn't know I have! But that was a lifetime ago, the schmuck is gone. Now, teasing and laughter are a huge part of my life...in a good way!


I'm glad teasing and laughter are a huge part of your life.

The examples you wrote are definitely put downs. Not cool. Not cool at all.


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## okeydokie

i used to tease alot, but i did realize years ago that a little goeas a long way


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## occasionallybaffled

okeydokie said:


> i used to tease alot, but i did realize years ago that a little goeas a long way


Same. I'd go a little too far sometimes. Had an epiphany today that really hit me hard. Recalled how my dad & sister would tease me about this one thing, all the time (when I was younger). Just realized I let the insecurity go last week... and it subconsciously affected me for 10+ years.


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