# Limbo aint easy.....



## lovinghusbandinpain (May 24, 2011)

Hi everyone, 

This is my first post. My wife and I were best friends before we started dating. We hung out all the time, did fun things, lived laughed and just generally loved being around each other. Eventually we started to date and after several years, we married. Of our 10 year relationship, 6 of those years we have been married. 

6 weeks ago, my wife told me that she loved me but wasnt sure that she was "in love" with me or that she ever really truly was "in love" with me and needed to take some time away from the marriage to figure things out and for us to both work on ourselves. This hit me as a complete surprise and I am still dealing with the shock and trauma of the whole situation. 

Although our relationship has had some ups and downs, I thought that things were going relatively well as I have always loved my wife with all my heart. I have always tried to provide for her, have always complimented her, always verbally expressed my love for her and generally have been what I would consider a good loving husband. Certainly I am not perfect and despite all of these things, I have struggled with depression to varying degrees throughout our relationship. I think this may be at least partially to blame for my current situation.

At this point, we are living seperatly which has me feeling absolutly terrible. Weve talked about the relationship and shes said that shes not sure if she wants a divorce or to work on our marriage. I suppose the time apart will help her decide which route she wants to go. I love my wife and want to save our marriage. Having said that, Ive spent a lot of time in the last few days reading threads on this site. I am "living in limbo" at this stage and I must admit it is without a doubt, *THE HARDEST THING* I have ever had to deal with......

My friends have been helpful to an extent and of course they are sympathetic, but I dont think anyone who hasnt experienced this first hand can truly understand just how tough it really is.....this is why I joined this site. It seems like others here are or have faced what I am currently facing.....and it hurts like crazy. 

Any words of encouragement or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance....


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

My story is nine years and no longer in love with me. You mind find it particulary helpfuluseful to you in your current situation as by all apearances it seems I am slowly moving torwards reconcilliation and it chronicles everything from d-day to d-day plus 60 (can't believe its been two months since she said it and still dont eve have sep paperwork in my hands....)


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## Ninja1980 (May 23, 2011)

Hi there. *waves*
I'm living in limbo, too, waiting for my husband to figure out what he wants. I agree that it seems most comforting to talk to people who are in the same situation. I just joined this site a few days ago myself, but welcome! I hope you can find some level of comfort here.


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## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

I am now starting my fifth month of living in limbo. My husband left me after 17 years. He wants a divorce as soon as he can afford to get a lawyer...I have told him that I will not pay half of the divorce because I always thought we could work thru this mess. I HATE living in this limbo phase....there are times that I think I am ready to face the facts and embrace the hope that my next someone will be far more spectacular than my previous husband....but then there are times that I would trade every single possession in my life (except family) if my husband would just come back. All I can tell you is.....take it hour by hour....it does slowly get better. I wish you the best.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Denise, it sounds like you could give divorse some kind of desease name because it can be identified by very similar symptoms. Living in limbo, embrace hope of my next someone, trade everything to have her stay and save our marriage? Yip all those things me too. Yes, it does get better, then u fall, then better, then u fall, then better, ..... dont know how long that cycle will go on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chancellor Biscuit (May 30, 2011)

Hello i am in limbo too... i don't know what to do though...:scratchhead:
it's hard to wait...on a person who does not know what they want...
What is going on with people? 
I really have nothing to offer but i am in the same boat as you.
You are not alone .


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

Yes; I agree that this stage is very painful. My husband was very distant and did not know either if he wanted to be married, or go to counseling together; he just could not give me an answer and we have been married for 22 years. I was living in limbo-and it was hell- for a few months and then I found evidence he was having an affair. That snapped me out of it quickly and at least helped me move on and we are now getting a divorce. I hope your wife comes around and makes a decision so you aren't living in it for much longer. I have been there and understand how you feel so hang in there and be strong.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

I am in Limbo too! I can't make the house sell fast enough. I don't know how much longer we will be under the same roof but the longer that takes, the longer I am in Limbo. It's kind of odd really. We don't hate each other, we are not at each others throat, we are living amicably, hell we even watch TV shows together every now and then. WTF, is what I tell myself. Anyway, it's a catch 22 (sort of) situation for me, while I am dreading the time I will no longer be spending with her (that I have now), I am also wanting to go ahead and start that pain so I can get it overwith and see how I can cope and move on. It's kind of like waiting to have surgery; you are doing OK although not perfect, you go in; take a risk on dying on the operating table, go through recovery pain, and then after a while, you are just peachy. Thing is though that surgery recovery is quicker. Awww geez, I am waiting to have surgery (in an emotional way).


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

I told my H yesterday that I can't wait for a year from now, at least I will have gone through everything once, holidays, vacations, birthdays, etc. I always plan a 2 week trip to the shore and he is offering to come help me get set up, but it seems too weird to be there together, but not together, especially since many other friends are there and by then, they will likely know what is going on


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