# Hysterical Bonding



## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Does it go away? Do things just go back to how they were? I personally like the new "hysterical" me! Opinions or experience please!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

mine was unusually long

post dday we went at it every day and sometimes twice a day, so about 10 times a week

tapered a bit after a few months to where we were still having sex 5 times a week and that's lasted until currently, maybe had one or two bad spots in there due to illness


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

That explains his jumping turtle.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the turtle is a representation of my manic thought process, it's flashy but it usually goes around in circles


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Okay, I'm down to like once - twice a day, but I was at basically non-stop urges, we could have gone at it 6 times a day and I probably would have been wanting more. Which in turn lead to him saying I feel guilty, I don't even know how you want to have sex with me, and we've been having too much I can't keep up with it on top of everything else going on, then me feeling rejected and angered... 

I hope that it doesn't fully go away, maybe just lessens a little, it's been about 6 weeks and there did seem to be a sudden decline. In fact last night he was the one who actually wanted it, not me. :O


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Riven said:


> Okay, I'm down to like once - twice a day, but I was at basically non-stop urges, we could have gone at it 6 times a day and I probably would have been wanting more. Which in turn lead to him saying I feel guilty, I don't even know how you want to have sex with me, and we've been having too much I can't keep up with it on top of everything else going on, then me feeling rejected and angered...
> 
> I hope that it doesn't fully go away, maybe just lessens a little, it's been about 6 weeks and there did seem to be a sudden decline. In fact last night he was the one who actually wanted it, not me. :O


6 times a day and you would have wanted more. 

You're amazing. I wouldn't reward him for having a bad drunken night but I would make sure he knows if he messes up, he will never get that 6 times a night again.


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

If he "messes up again" I'll be gone. That means one drink and he crap is on the sidewalk. He knows this.

I didn't get it 6 times, I said I probably could have and still wanted more. Actually it's basically been punishment for him in someways, because not giving it to me, which he couldn't always, would throw me directly into a fit. And because he doesn't have a "clean bill" for another 4 1/2 months, the sex we do have is with a condom. I will tell you that if you want to make a man have a less fun time, take a man who's been having sex without a condom for 4 yrs and make him wear one every time. He has even expressed to me that he at times thinks I'm doing this just to punish him. Personally what I am waiting for is for that girl to track him down and say he got her pregnant... which is impossible since he got snipped years ago, if he was fertile I'd know, because I'm very fertile, both of my kids were conceived while I was on the pill. I think it's kind of funny how people can say I'm "rewarding" him, when they don't know the situation, they don't know how this has actually affected us. Like the people who say he'll do it again and he's done it before and this is just an excuse, sounds like people projecting their lives into mine, they don't know fully what is going on in our house, in our lives, or what they were like before this happened. Just saying...

Anyway... Is it fair to punish myself by not fulfilling my desires because of what he did? Is it right for me to go out and have crazy sex with other people because of it? No, and I don't want to do it either.


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## rider (Jun 22, 2009)

Ok what the hell is Hysterical Bonding and where do I get some?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

your spouse needs to cheat first, so I dont recommend it


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

> Hysterical Bonding – from the SI website: Upon being confronted with the undeniable reality that their most trusted spouse has betrayed them with another, some BS's experience an overwhelming sexual desire for their wayward spouse. Many couples claim to have had the best, most intense and loving sex of their relationship during the period following the discovery of an affair, (generally a few weeks to several months), often trying new things and experimenting in ways they had never considered before. This phenomenon is termed "Hysterical Bonding.
> 
> There is very little information on this phenomenon, but it appears to be a primal, instinctual way for the partners to reconnect and reclaim each other. While it may feel counter-intuitive to the BS; as if they are "rewarding" the WS for the affair, hysterical bonding can be a stepping stone to reconciliation. The intimacy encourages communication and a closeness that may otherwise take some time to re-build.
> 
> The occurrence or absence of hysterical bonding does not appear to be an indicator of successful reconciliation. Many other factors, such as the WS's remorse and openness are far more reliable indicators. Hysterical bonding is, however, normal, and nothing for the BS to be alarmed about or ashamed about experiencing. In fact, it has been said it is the one positive in an otherwise long and miserable experience, so enjoy it while it lasts!


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Rider, your post literally made me bust out laughing. Yea, don't recommend to acquiring process though.


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## rider (Jun 22, 2009)

Well s%^&, that sucks.

Any other ways to kick this off? (Drugs, Wild Indian Peyote Buttons, Subliminal Messaging)...


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Riven said:


> If he "messes up again" I'll be gone. That means one drink and he crap is on the sidewalk. He knows this.
> 
> I didn't get it 6 times, I said I probably could have and still wanted more. Actually it's basically been punishment for him in someways, because not giving it to me, which he couldn't always, would throw me directly into a fit. And because he doesn't have a "clean bill" for another 4 1/2 months, the sex we do have is with a condom. I will tell you that if you want to make a man have a less fun time, take a man who's been having sex without a condom for 4 yrs and make him wear one every time. He has even expressed to me that he at times thinks I'm doing this just to punish him. Personally what I am waiting for is for that girl to track him down and say he got her pregnant... which is impossible since he got snipped years ago, if he was fertile I'd know, because I'm very fertile, both of my kids were conceived while I was on the pill. I think it's kind of funny how people can say I'm "rewarding" him, when they don't know the situation, they don't know how this has actually affected us. Like the people who say he'll do it again and he's done it before and this is just an excuse, sounds like people projecting their lives into mine, they don't know fully what is going on in our house, in our lives, or what they were like before this happened. Just saying...
> 
> Anyway... Is it fair to punish myself by not fulfilling my desires because of what he did? Is it right for me to go out and have crazy sex with other people because of it? No, and I don't want to do it either.


I was just saying you are amazing, in a good way. Like a girl that loves it 6 times a day is okay in my book.

The "reward" comment wasn't saying you were rewarding him or projecting my life into yours, it was saying, just let him know that if he messes up again, he will never enjoy this phenomenon called hysterical bonding ever again.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

rider said:


> Ok what the hell is Hysterical Bonding and where do I get some?


lol


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Yea, sorry Aristotle about coming off kind of PMS'y. I'm not.  I've just had a lot of issues where people liked to add things in without knowing. My husband is a good man, he loves me, he's trying so hard to make things better, to do what he needs to do. I mean he's even living up to my super high over achiever standards 95% of the time since... I mean ****, I can't even do that with my own standards!


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