# I don't know how much support I should get.



## winner54 (Aug 12, 2008)

I've posted here before but it's been about a year. My 38 year marriage is finally coming to a close. Hub has agreed to a divorce. 
It's kind of scary but at the same time, I'm relieved. We have tenatively agreed to mediation because litigation is outrageous here in New Jersey. There's no 2nd house, no boat, no huge amounts of stock, etc. to split. I've worked approximately 50-60% of the marriage, time off for 2 children, surgery and loss of employment. Every paycheck was turned over to hub because he took care of the financials. 
I'd been unemployed for 1 1/2 yrs but at least have a job now....retail - not what I want but in this economy, beggers can't be choosy. Needless to say, it's not going to afford me a very comfortable living. Hub has offered me $20K from 401K and stock. His offer for spousal support is $350 a month when I move out and $500 when our house sells, which we will split whatever profits, which won't be much if anything at all. I've done the math and $6,000 a year is 8% of his salary. Once our house sells, he will most likely move in with his mother who is 86 and doesn't want to leave her house. He will be free of about $2800 a month in household bills and mortgage. If he does live with his mother, there will be no mortgage to pay, just $7 or 8K in yearly taxes. His base salary is $75K a year plus all the OT he puts in, but that doesn't count when calculating support. 
So either way, if hub lives with his mother or his siblings agree to sell their family home, he will have money coming out of his ears. 
The big down side to all this is he will retire in 5 or 7 years and he can go to court to have my support lowered. So, my question is, does anyone here live in NJ and get support? I really have no idea of how much to ask for. I just don't think $6,000 a year is a lot. I'm not a money grubber....I've shopped for myself at Goodwill, etc just so our girls could have things when they were growing up. This is one thing I'm still angry about - I would get a pittance to buy the girls what they need while he's spending MY paycheck on golf clubs, bowling balls & leagues, trips to Florida, leather coats, etc. My fault, I know but it's a long, drawn out story. 
So, if anyone here does recieve support and are willing to reveal, I would love to hear about your circumstances (length of marriage, were u ok financially, are u working, etc) and whether u think I should ask for more than $500 a month. Thx.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Go to your state website and see what the Family code says.
That would be what the judge would ultimately decide anyways.
It is one of the first pages in your final decree that they will look at, and one of the first questions he will ask is "why is this so much lower than the Standard Order??? 
Dont forget about filing for taxes and who claims the dependents.
Dont forget that you and he will take a HUGE tax hit if you take a dispersement from any 401K.


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## winner54 (Aug 12, 2008)

Thanks for the 401K info, Shooboomafoo. I'll have to look into this and find another way, maybe?


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

You can have that portion he is willing to dole out of his 401K, automatically rolled into an IRA for you. The paperwork form is called a QDRO. (some call it a quaddro)
IF you are working things out in an "agreement" scenario, make a list of assets you both have. Determine whether or not your state is a "community property" state or an "Equitable distribution" state.
There are a few differences between those, that determine what assets are considered "yours" or "his" or able to be split up.

All in all, if you can make a list of the assets, there are things you can offer to accept in lieu of something else. For instance, if he decides to simply transfer title of the house to you, you could leave his 401K alone. (just as an example, not a suggestion)
But you know what I am saying, there are ways to work a give/take type of agreement that works out for both of you.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You really need to talk to an attorney in your state. Many attorneys will not charge for the first consultation. That will give you answers to many of the questions you are asking.

My marriage has been 25 years and I will get permnament alimony. I currently get 37 percent of my estranged husband's salary. However, that includes some child support. When the divorce is final and the teenagers turn 18 the amount will be around 30 percent of his gross salary. Although I have a bachelors degree, I was a SAHM for 10 years and then worked in our family business for 12 years. I'm currently deemed disabled and couldn't work in my field even if I wanted to. The disability had no factor in the judge's ruling though.

As for assets such as property and 401K, my attorney says there will be no tax consequences as a result of transfers. Apparently there are ways to get exemptions when the transfers are part of a divorce settlement. Also talk to a CPA on that.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You should talk to a laywer.
And do some google searches

Property and Debt Division in a New Jersey Divorce

You should be entitled to 50% of marital assets, which would include his 401K, the house etc.


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