# Appreciate Advice from Women or Men - I do not treat my wife well enough



## HereToCollaboratewithOthe (Sep 2, 2013)

Room

I assume this is all confidential. I don't treat my wife well enough, as my fragile male ego gets in the way.

Given my age at 45, i am not the man i could be when i was younger. I know she is attracted to younger men who are hot, which i am not now, which she has mentioned a couple of times.

The problem is - i took this problem to the max - i went way out of line and got obsessed, and did lose 18 pounds, but i also did get obsessed with the fact that i am not the physical body of the hot young men she could have.

I went way way way overboard. And now i even am pissing her off. I still love her, i have always been true to her, but now i have created a C4 bomb with this insecurity of mine, and i am sure that worrying that you are not sexy for your wife is very unsexy.;

Anyway - you don't need to respond but if you do have any advice men or women - how do i get out of this jam that i alone have created?

Thanks,

HeretoCollaboratewithOthers


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

HereToCollaboratewithOthe said:


> Room
> 
> I assume this is all confidential. I don't treat my wife well enough, as my fragile male ego gets in the way.
> 
> ...


At the age of forty five, you can have a physical form that exceeds what you had in your twenties and thirties if you we're never fully developed. If you were never an international level athlete then your body was never fully refined. If she likes the young look young actions young mind there's nothing you should do about that. I'm drinking to you and others reclaiming their lives , full of confidence and looking great.

Your insecurity defeated when you stop doing that for your wife, do it for you and realize you are sexy enough for others and yourself. It usually comes when you love your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HereToCollaboratewithOthe (Sep 2, 2013)

Thank You Treyvion

I appreciate your vote of confidence and of hope.

But i am not the man that you assume i am.

Thanks though.

All the best

Peace


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Well I think the first step is admitting that you have a problem, and that is good.

You need to figure out why this got to you so much.. I mean we all have our people we find attractive physically (hello Brad Pitt) but it's not like women would trade in their spouse... it's just something we find attractive.

We mostly adore men who are more than MEAT (see the forum in mens lounge about good looking men who we find repulsive)

Self confidence, treating us well... loving us for who we are, at the end of the day that is what matters. Period.

Maybe she is dealing with her own insecurities.

I'm 32, and you know who I find sexy? Don't laugh. Clint Eastwood  Seriously. 

Workout to be healthy so you can enjoy more times together, and to have more energy. Don't do it to compete.


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## HereToCollaboratewithOthe (Sep 2, 2013)

Thanks Bunny23 God Bless


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

HereToCollaboratewithOthe said:


> Thank You Treyvion
> 
> I appreciate your vote of confidence and of hope.
> 
> ...


Your pessimism is likely killing you.


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## Noompsy (Sep 2, 2013)

It is my experience that it really doesn't matter to the woman. Of course a woman would notice if a younger man has a great body but that isn't the issue here in my opinion. It is how you treat her and how you carry yourself.

I am 45 myself and through the years I have seen crazy contrasts in relationships. Huge men with tiny beautiful women who absolutely are turned on by them and vice-verse. The more you beat yourself up and are bothered by how she see's other men the more less attractive you become. I'm sorry this is a reality and I know it is difficult or impossible to change, but it is true. 

If you are seriously overweight change it and change it for yourself. Get yourself to the point that you like what YOU see in the mirror. Anyone can do it if they apply themselves. 

Keep in mind this is coming from someone that his wife doesn't seem to find him sexy at all.  And I consider myself to be in very good shape.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> but i also did get obsessed with the fact that i am not the physical body of the hot young men she could have
> i am sure that worrying that you are not sexy for your wife is very unsexy.;
> - how do i get out of this jam that i alone have created?


Stop buying into the crap that hot young sexy men are the only criteria for real love and value!

I am beginning to wonder if in America being hot, young, sexy, and beautiful are the only standards for being worthy? If that is the case then everybody is going to be divorced at age 50 or before.

I think that a person should try and look as good as they can but if your spouse will only accept you on those hot, sexy, young terms then you have a shallow spouse that you will never be secure with.

*Be he best you can be so that if they want a hot sexy young person then you will be just fine without them.*


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## HereToCollaboratewithOthe (Sep 2, 2013)

thanks much

you guys are with honor

much appreciated,


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

45 ... LOL. Kids.


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## nancy.ramos (Oct 16, 2012)

My H is 44. He started getting more attractive to my eyes ever since he hit 40. He was nowhere near this attractive when he was young. I keep telling him this and he looks at me like I have 3 heads 

It's all probably in your mind. Take care of yourself and don't lose your confidence. This is what makes you unattractive.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Do you look good for a 45 years old man? 

Do you have the brain of a 45-year-old? 

What kind of woman is she? 

Is she a cougar who only likes young men? 

No matter how hard you try, a 45-year-old will never look like a 25-year-old. But you should be more mature than a 25-year-old, you should be more experienced that a 25-year-old. That's where your beauty is. 

I go to this beauty salon, and the boss always tries to sell me her product. I told her I am 40 years old, no matter what I do, I will never look like 20 again, so I am not going to compete with a 20-year-old girl for appearance. I do my best to keep my shape so I don't look bad for a 40-year-old. What makes me attractive is that I am more mature, and I am more experienced. I actually can have a meaningful deep conversation with a man. But I couldn't do it when I was 20 years old.

But if you are over weight or obese, and she still has a good figure, then you should be worried. You might have to work harder to get in good shape.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Frak that!

45 year old men can look awesome!

To other 35 to 45 year old ladies!

I'm not sure what the fascination is with 25 year old girls, or men....

40 is the awesome age! Mature. Stable. And EXPERIENCED!

Nuff said.....


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

HereToCollaboratewithOthe said:


> Room
> 
> I know she is attracted to younger men who are hot, which i am not now, which she has mentioned a couple of times.


This^^^is not your problem, it is hers.
Let me explain.
Suppose she was attracted to very rich men , doesn't matter their ages , and you weren't rich.
You would still feel insecure.
What would you do then?

If she's not attracted to you because she's attracted to hot young men , then kindly escort her to the door , let her go find happiness with a hot young man or lots of them.

You go find a woman who respects you .


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

You say she's attracted to younger men, does she tell you this? Has she cheated on you? While its important to look and fell good, shouldn't she love you and as married woman honor you as her spouse? Why is she getting mad at you now for trying to look better? How old is she?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

OP, you haven't stated in which way (ways) you aren't treating your wife well. More info = more accurate advice.

"I'm 32, and you know who I find sexy? Don't laugh. Clint Eastwood Seriously." lol, lol, lol... (sorry). Sean Connery? Now, you're talking.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Personally I look forward to see my H continue to mature. Although I have know him since I was 14 and he was 18 we have only been together since we were 18 and 22. I have see him continue to improve himself over these ten years and that continue my very strong attraction to him. 

Women want a man who is always confident in being the best he can be and who inspire and encourage each other to be the best they can be. Some women may not know this on a conscious level and when they don't get this start looking for something else. They may only deal with themselves and other on a shallow level so the other thing they search for is shallow - looks and youth. However if you build yourself up to be that confidential person because you put in the hard work to get there then maybe she will appreciate you. Or maybe not but at least you will know you continue to work on yourself and it won't matter what she think.


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## HereToCollaboratewithOthe (Sep 2, 2013)

Thank you to all of you fine insightful and caring people, including those of you I thanked before As well as Comitted4ever, mablanc, CaribbeanMan, AlphaOmega, GreenPearl, Nancy Ramos, and Entropy 3000.

Your support, your ideas, your perspective, and your insight have been super helpful for helping me think through my marriage and what I need to do to fix it.

Other than folks responding to emails we are all strangers - yet you guys have really helped. 

We gear in the news every day how Facebook supports divorce and cheating and Social Media gets a bad name, yet in this case you are truly helping.

Thank You all. You are with honor.


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