# 27 year old DD



## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

So, my husband and I (so I thought) raised 4 good kids that didn't get into trouble and were scholar athletes and we made them work, etc..
Our 27 year old daughter has been married (going on 5 years) to a guy she has been with since 8th grade. His parenting was "alternative." She is now full bore into THAT lifestyle and her sister told me this morning that DD got so high last night that she ate too much, puked, and had to call in sick today to work. She has been fired from 3 jobs. She has a college degree.
All they do is sit around, he drinks and smokes weed. She occaionsally does but they are both now obese pot smokers who sometimes do even heavier drugs. We don't know what to do, if anything. 
I don't want to betray our other DD's confidence by confronting her because she'll then know to keep things from our other DD (who is her twin).
I'm just like WTF daughter? We taught you better! Want more for yourself! 
Intervene or not?


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

No kids I hope, right? You're talking about the (alternative) way he was raised, right?

I dunno, I have a 27 year old son who I think smokes too much pot, and a 25 year old son who I think drinks a bit too much, and I've talked to both of them and told them I think so, but ultimately it's up to them to smarten up. I know I had to do it for myself.

As long as your grandkids aren't in any danger, I'd leave them to figure things out for themselves, at the same time I made it be known that I strongly disapprove of their lifestyle.


----------



## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

Hope1964 said:


> No kids I hope, right? You're talking about the (alternative) way he was raised, right?
> 
> I dunno, I have a 27 year old son who I think smokes too much pot, and a 25 year old son who I think drinks a bit too much, and I've talked to both of them and told them I think so, but ultimately it's up to them to smarten up. I know I had to do it for myself.
> 
> As long as your grandkids aren't in any danger, I'd leave them to figure things out for themselves, at the same time I made it be known that I strongly disapprove of their lifestyle.


no kids yet.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You say 'yet'. Are they planning on kids?


----------



## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

Hope1964 said:


> You say 'yet'. Are they planning on kids?


yes.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

OK, well in that case I'd be a tad bit more 'in your face' about all this crap.

That child will be YOUR GRANDCHILD. You do NOT want it born to a couple of drug addicted boozers. 

Are there a bunch of family members that could stage an actual intervention of some kind? I honestly don't know what I would do. I'd want to sit my daughter down and yell at her about what happens to fetuses when they're grown in bodies like hers, and I'd want to whap her bf upside the head. But that probably wouldn't help.

Have you talked to her about the reasons she's doing this to herself? Is she unhappy? Happy couples don't get drunk and high together. Happy people don't get fired from 3 jobs.


----------



## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

no... because she doesn't know I know most of these things. Her siblings have told us.
But, I suppose it's time to get involved.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Ya, before she's pregnant.

I am sorry this is happening to you


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's a mother's/father's job - always - to be the one to say 'knock it off!' My DD25 will never be too old for me to go right up to her and say 'I've had enough of watching you make a fool out of yourself and we're going to do something about it.' I don't know if you have that close of a relationship with your daughter, but you need to find an applicable way to tell her to knock it off. 

Do you give her money? You know, since she keeps getting fired? That would be the first thing to change.


----------



## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

No we do not give money.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

You can approach your daughter without betraying your other daughters trust. Heck if you're around her enough you have seen the change in her life, the weight gain, maybe red eyes or even smelled pot on her and her husband. You do not need to pull punches, be direct and tell her you are concerned for her because of the life she is living.

Remember it's a fine line between being a concerned mom and the evil MIL who's "trying to control our lives man" (that's stoner SIL speak). You should speak your piece, but at the end of the day they are choosing their path and you're not going to be able to do much about it.


----------

