# Suspicious Texting?



## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

Maybe I've been reading too many stories of EAs - IDK if this site is making me paranoid or what.

Been with hubby 10 years (married for 7) and never ONCE had a reason to not trust him. His job doesn't really involve women and he is always home and makes himself availible. Snooped before, come up with nothing. We're not perfect but we fight about typical married people stuff.

SOOO...he has a second phone, one he only uses for his side job as a part time handyman. He barely gets ANY calls on it, and I never see him checking it or anything. I've flipped through it a few times and found all numbers that aren't stored, leads and jobs, etc. Always different numbers from our area code, and most numbers only on there once or twice. He's answered in front of me many times over the years and never hid anything, I've never suspected the phone was used for anything else. I've only known him to text on it a time or two, but not to say he never does.
So today - he is not home and I was in our office for something else and saw the indicator light blinking. Picked it up, looked at it - new text. The text said "Pretty good. Just getting my oil changed and getting groceries". 

Ok. So nothing major right? BUT there were no other text messages and ALL the sent messages were gone. There were other messages that I had seen before from random jobs and those were not suspicious. WHY would the sent messages be deleted though? The inbox had plenty of work related stuff.

So, I go online and look at our wireless account (all of our phones are linked up together) and saw that TODAY, he had SENT two messages to that number, and recieved TWO. One of them was received just an hour before the one I saw, yet it was not in his phone. 

So, I turned off my caller ID and called this number. My heart sank. A young woman picked up. (sounds young). 
She said "hello? HELLOOOO?" and i just stayed silent. She hung up. I tried right back hoping to get voicemail/thus revealing a name, but it didn't work. She picked up again. I asked for a fake name, and then she said "no one here by that name" and I said "Sorry" and she said "no problem" and hung up.

My heart is racing a mile a minute. I did not expect this. 
I tracked the number and it's from a city that is approximately 3 hours away from us. 

HELP. What next?
I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach something is amiss.


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

What do you guys think would be the best move? Do I address this when he gets home or lay in wait for more proof/ammo he cannot deny?


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Oh dear...none of that sounds good.

Lots of red flags.

Aw hun I hope we're both wrong.

What are you going to do?

((hugs))


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I don't understand how some people can pretend they don't know about bad behaviour and be able to carry on collecting evidence, even though I understand the logic of it.... I would have to have it out with him.

I couldn't hide what i was feeling and pretend everything is fine, he'd know something was up...can you?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i would say maybe lay low for a little bit and say nothing and dont act suspicious but keep a very open eye.
also check his e-mails if you can.


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## Antigen (Apr 9, 2012)

Text her from your husbands phone and write "I think my wife is suspicious I am discarding this phone after I send you this text, I got a new phone, please send all new texts to the following number (and give her YOUR cellphone number) and ask her what she thinks we should do about wifey's suspicions.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Antigen said:


> Text her from your husbands phone and write "I think my wife is suspicious I am discarding this phone after I send you this text, I got a new phone, please send all new texts to the following number (and give her YOUR cellphone number) and ask her what she thinks we should do about wifey's suspicions.


this sounds devious, i like it


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Cherie said:


> So, I go online and look at our wireless account (all of our phones are linked up together) and saw that TODAY, he had SENT two messages to that number, and recieved TWO. One of them was received just an hour before the one I saw, yet it was not in his phone.


I would go back into the wireless account. Verizon, at least, has an analyze usage option that pops up most called numbers, most expensive calls, calls by location, etc.

You can also on Verizon access bills going back 12 mos. That was how I analyzed my husband's phone calls. But texting records were only available for the past month.

Have you done that with his cell phone bill? After what you're describing--I would.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

Doesn't look good for sure.. Try gathering more information on whats happening before you confront your H. 

Btw Cherie, I remember a recent post of yours about  http://talkaboutmarriage.com/gener...t-swap-inviting-another-into-our-bedroom.html

It was recommended by couple of members that the post be moved to a different website since this forum supports monogamy... My question in this context is.. was this soft swap just a figment of your imagination, or did you and you H actually discuss it? Do you think this girl might be a potential candidate for the soft-swap that your husband is looking to find. 

I haven't seen anybody discuss soft-swap and such things on this forum since I joined.. So on a different note, I also wonder if you have ambiguous boundaries in your marriage due to which your H might have taken the liberty to engage with this woman?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

eowyn said:


> Doesn't look good for sure.. Try gathering more information on whats happening before you confront your H.
> 
> *Btw Cherie, I remember a recent post of yours about  http://talkaboutmarriage.com/gener...t-swap-inviting-another-into-our-bedroom.html*
> 
> ...


Forgot totally about that one!


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

waiwera said:


> I don't understand how some people can pretend they don't know about bad behaviour and be able to carry on collecting evidence, even though I understand the logic of it.... I would have to have it out with him.
> 
> I couldn't hide what i was feeling and pretend everything is fine, he'd know something was up...can you?


Nope,
I can't eithet. Its already weird & I am smoldering. I'm trying to act normal (he's home) because I don't want to let him know I am onto something until I find a little bit more proof. He already ask me what was wrong when I tried making every day conversation with him. He can read my face like a book. I told him it was a long day at work and I'm just tired. Total lie.






2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i would say maybe lay low for a little bit and say nothing and dont act suspicious but keep a very open eye.
> also check his e-mails if you can.


I went to his e-mails as soon as I posted my initial post. I did not see anything suspicious at all. He leaves his computer unlocked, and his Facebook and everything is logged in. He's never hidden anything from me in there before, although he does not think I go through it.
I will be keeping an eye on it…






Antigen said:


> Text her from your husbands phone and write "I think my wife is suspicious I am discarding this phone after I send you this text, I got a new phone, please send all new texts to the following number (and give her YOUR cellphone number) and ask her what she thinks we should do about wifey's suspicions.


This was a good idea! Maybe next time she texts I will do it again. I deleted the text about the groceries because I did not want him to see that there was a text that had been opened. It is not a smart phone, so there is no way to mark as unread. At this point he thinks that he sent the last text to her I suppose.




iheartlife said:


> I would go back into the wireless account. Verizon, at least, has an analyze usage option that pops up most called numbers, most expensive calls, calls by location, etc.
> 
> You can also on Verizon access bills going back 12 mos. That was how I analyzed my husband's phone calls. But texting records were only available for the past month.
> 
> Have you done that with his cell phone bill? After what you're describing--I would.


I did! I went back a couple of months. I was able to do a search and nothing appears with her number until today. Text only, no calls. I Looked At His Other Phone Too And Her Number Never Cropped Up. This must Be New. :banghead:
I'm confused as to who she is and when they met?








eowyn said:


> Doesn't look good for sure.. Try gathering more information on whats happening before you confront your H.
> 
> Btw Cherie, I remember a recent post of yours about  http://talkaboutmarriage.com/gener...t-swap-inviting-another-into-our-bedroom.html
> 
> ...


The ambiguous boundaries would be new to us, but is a possibility I suppose. We ever so briefly discussed potentially having a threesome "one day", on vacation, and both thought it could be fun. It was my idea, not his. We said we would revisit the idea when the time came, but w did conclude it would be best if it were a STRANGER and we never maintained contact our built a friendship prior. It was supposed to be someone we meet and are attracted to ON vacation.

Maybe I have opened Pandora's box? But I fear that is not it. Because he hasn't brought it up or pushed it at all since our convo, and we aren't scheduled to go on vacation anytime soon.


Thank you guys for responding. I'm gonna try to not let on and I'll keep monitoring cell usage for now. Pls excuse any typos, I am on cell.

This doesn't feel real.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Cherie said:


> I went to his e-mails as soon as I posted my initial post. I did not see anything suspicious at all. He leaves his computer unlocked, and his Facebook and everything is logged in. He's never hidden anything from me in there before, although he does not think I go through it.
> I will be keeping an eye on it…


You can download the entire facebook account, it will show messages exchanged with other FB members that were deleted, and IM chatting I believe (someone correct me if I'm wrong, but last I heard, a download shows EVERYTHING). The catch is that it sends an email to the account holder to tell them the download was requested and then emails them again when the download is ready.



> I did! I went back a couple of months [into the cell phone bill]. I was able to do a search and nothing appears with her number until today. Text only, no calls. I Looked At His Other Phone Too And Her Number Never Cropped Up. This must Be New. :banghead:
> I'm confused as to who she is and when they met?


She must have had another phone # or they must have been communicating another way, such as via FB. The text you saw is from someone who is already in communication. I would start by looking back through the phone bills. Is her area code different from yours? Look for other #'s with that area code. If that's not helpful, look at her exchange. In the "phone number" below, AAA is the area code, EEE is the exchange, and LLLL is the line number.

AAA EEE - LLLL

You should be able to find exchanges for her area. They are going to be very different to avoid misdialing. Google "phone exchanges" and the name of her town and you should pull up a list of exchanges--see if any others in the cell phone bill match that town--that might be her.

But, more likely, they were emailing or facebooking and she just recently gave him her cell number--not sure if that lines up with his behavior, or not.


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

Thanks for the tips. Tomorrow I will go though his FB with a fine tooth comb. I may download his fb too but I have to do it when I'm at home so I can instantly go into his email and delete whatever FB sends. his FB has always stayed logged in but I do know the password, I can try to look from work. Hopefully it's not set up to receive texts when someone logs in like mine does.


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

Ugh! I just looked in the office and the phone is moved!! It has sat plugged in on the same shelf for nearly two years unless he is talking in it...till now.


That's what I fear the most. A text about groceries and oil changes is not a new friend, is it.


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## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

You are making the right decision in not confronting until you have proof. If he is cheating he will deny and become more careful. Do not download Facebook. A mail message will probably be linked to his phone(s) so even if you delete it on the computer it will most likely also show up somewhere else. Look up the owner of the phone on spoke or PIpl or Reverse Light or CID or a number of other sources. Enough looking and you can determine that for free. If not, pay 5 dollars. Then look up that person on Facebook and other sites. His cell may actually keep a record of where he has traveled. Gps history, which is different, may show up in his vehicle or on his phone. 

When you do confront, do not tell everything you know. Just act like you know a lot. The trick is to get him to be the one doing the talking. If he thinks you know more, he may tell more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

^^^ This is good advice. Right now you have soft proof.

Unfortunately you're going to have to dig some more.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

a few tips


DO NOT CONFRONT YET

you will get the old "she's just a friend/client" excuse and he will accuse you invadng his privacy, etc and then he will be more careful about hiding it better if he is cheating


- go to cidlookup.com and insert her number and get her name, you can also try spokeo.com. Get all the info you can about her, is she married, where does she live, etc Next go thru your husband's contracting files if he keeps records of his jobs and see if you can match her up with a job and how long ago it was and maybe even get her address thru there. Also see if her name is among his facebook friends list.

- I assume since it's a 2nd phone that it's cheaper model. It most likely has a sim card. (if it's a smart phone then let us now the model) The next time you can get to his phone, examine it to see if it has one, you may have to open it up. If it does go and order a sim card reader online. When it arrives, download the software it comes with first so you can be ready to use it quickly. The sim card reader will hook into your computer and allow to read texts, even some deleted ones.

- look at the times your husband made the phone calls and try to figure out where he would have been when those calls were made, I'm willing to bet it was in his car/truck. Go to a walmart/office supply/best buy and get a VAR and some velcro. Velcro the VAR under the seat of his car or where you think he makes the calls.

- install a keylogger on the computer, if he isnt using the phone much he may be using a secret email. The keylogger will catch it if he does.

- on his regular smartphone he may be using apps to communicate with her as well (like skype or even scrabble or other games with chat). What apps does he have and what kind of phone does he have, you may be able to get spyware on his phone depending on what kind.


your best bets are the VAR, keylogger and possibly the sim card reader- Get shopping!!

sorry you are going thru this


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> a few tips
> 
> 
> DO NOT CONFRONT YET
> ...


If you can, look for igotchat and text+/textplus, specifically, if it is a smartphone/iphone/android. Those two I know specifically. Also look for IM+, mercury (that would me msn), yahoo, aim...any of those. Those ALL use the data as opposed to the text messaging itself. But as AR said, let us know what kind of phone he has.


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

OMG this is overwhelming and still feels unreal. 

Thank guys, for the help. 

The second phone is indeed a cheaper model, an AT&T F160. I went through it throroughly yesterday and there are no photos or apps or anthing on it. This morning reveals he dialed his voicemail but did not text (according to ATT online). 
I didn't see any apps like skype, games, etc. on there at all that can support messaging, and his data usage for that phone is pretty much nothing. It does have a sim card, so I will need to get a sim card reader. 

What is a good FREE keylogger that I can download onto his laptop without him finding out? I don't want anything that is going to be obvious - and is there a way that I can access usage from work or do I need to be on the device to see what has been logged?

His other phone is an iphone and he has Whatsapp on that, which is a free chat app that lets you text any other whatsapp user (good for other countries without paying fees). I need to look into his contacts there for her number.

A history search of her number reveals no calls to her from either phone, only the new texts discovered.

I will buy a VAR and keep it in his car. He makes A LOT of his business calls on the road, as he has speakers in his car for phone that work better that the phone itself.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

as far as free keyloggers I dont know of any that has email notifications, it will be worth the money to get one that does

if you have to get free, then get desktopshark's trial version and be sure to hide the icons and taskbar shortcuts (the free version you have to manually remove them) it will only give you a keystroke log BUT I know a way to access the screenshots without paying for the activation code as your computer still stores the pics and you can find them in the directory if you know where you should look

also remove all history of getting the keylogger in the browser including the download history, do not delete the whole history but rather right click the site in the history and choose "forget about site"

if your husbands syncs his iphone you should still browse his texts backup log, theres a thread on the first page of CWI than can help you with that


also- if or when you find something start a thread in CWI and we can help you with a plan before you confront, I also recommend you read the newbie link in my signature


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

iheartlife said:


> You can download the entire facebook account, it will show messages exchanged with other FB members that were deleted, and IM chatting I believe (someone correct me if I'm wrong, but last I heard, a download shows EVERYTHING). The catch is that it sends an email to the account holder to tell them the download was requested and then emails them again when the download is ready.



when I did the download about 6 months ago it did not give me deleted chats


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> when I did the download about 6 months ago it did not give me deleted chats


thanks for clarifying that point. still worth doing, though, to check deleted private messages.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

didnt give me deleted messages either


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> didnt give me deleted messages either


Mine did. I'd print the message inbox and the download side by side to show you, but then I'm not too keen about disclosing that on the Internet!

Maybe I can sort out a way to prove it--or eat my words, which I'm never ashamed to do.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well OM deleted his FB account a few months after Dday (which makes me believe that OMW got my registered letter), so maybe that had something to do with it?


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

Maybe it makes a difference what is deleted v. archived?


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> well OM deleted his FB account a few months after Dday (which makes me believe that OMW got my registered letter), so maybe that had something to do with it?


Oh, another thing, I think if you block someone and then do a download, the blocked person doesn't show up. I remember comparing blocking vs. blocking just out of curiosity.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Cherie - don't jump the gun. Yes it looks bad but at this point you don't know anything for sure. Keep your mouth shut and do the investigating. It could all still have an innocent explanation. Clearly you have to learn the truth, but try not to let your imagination run away - if all this smoke reveals a fire the reality you have will be tough enough - don't borrow trouble before you have to. 

Hoping it's not what it looks like for you.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I sure hope this turns out to be nothing 

If that had happened to me, I'd be in hyper-spy mode.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well this why is she needs to investigate and not get into a confrontation

if she confronts now and he is honest and loyal he will have a good explanation
if he is cheating he will have a good explanation


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

ok, I guess I have to eat my words, the download and the message box are identical. There is no way to know if he deleted any messages but I would guess that he did.

No worries, he never friended her via facebook (her friend request still sits there). It was more a bb texting type of thing, I mean, why bother with something as cumbersome as facebook when you have that.


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

Okay, so no updates today. The phone has not been used as far as I can tell According to AT&T online. He went out of town today, and should be coming back late tonight. It seems like it would've been a good time to take the phone with him if he was going to talk to the girl, but he did not. She does however has his laptop with him. I guess I will just have to sit tight. I ordered a card reader on eBay, should be here in a couple days. 

Thank you for your help in keeping me calm. I definitely don't want To Push him anyway if it really is nothing, or scare him further underground. 

Trying not to borrow any trouble that I don't need


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

Cherie said:


> He went out of town today, and should be coming back late tonight.





Cherie said:


> I tracked the number and it's from a city that is approximately 3 hours away from us.


Do you know for sure where exactly he went today? Do you have a way to track him (gps etc)

You mentioned in your post y'day that the number you tracked was from a city 3hrs away from where you stay (i.e. out of town)... Also, looks like there was no phone activity today. If by any chance, he went down to meet her personally, there wouldn't be a need for phone calls.

Maybe he did go out of town for something unrelated, however wld be better to validate.


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

eowyn said:


> Do you know for sure where exactly he went today? Do you have a way to track him (gps etc)
> 
> You mentioned in your post y'day that the number you tracked was from a city 3hrs away from where you stay (i.e. out of town)... Also, looks like there was no phone activity today. If by any chance, he went down to meet her personally, there wouldn't be a need for phone calls.
> 
> Maybe he did go out of town for something unrelated, however wld be better to validate.


The thought did cross my mind - but he was with someone I know for work. I saw FB pics/updates also - tagged at the location. I got on his computer this AM and checked mapquest and there were no locations other than where I thought he was going, so that was a relief. He doesn't have a GPS but he uses mapquest and prints his directions religiously.

Is there a way to tell (online) where calls were made from, such as towers or something?

I'm definitely paranoid and in hyperspy mode.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

only if you activate the find my iphone
but his email will be notified if you do that


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## hldnhope (Apr 10, 2012)

cherie, keep in mind that a lot of cell users move, but retain their originally assigned area code for their cell. This maybe someone that lived in the original area it was assigned, but has since moved closer to you guys....people do not always get a new cell number when they move, especially if they have 'unlimited' service...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

did you get a name when you entered the number at cidlookup.com?


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> only if you activate the find my iphone
> but his email will be notified if you do that


Ok thanks.



hldnhope said:


> cherie, keep in mind that a lot of cell users move, but retain their originally assigned area code for their cell. This maybe someone that lived in the original area it was assigned, but has since moved closer to you guys....people do not always get a new cell number when they move, especially if they have 'unlimited' service...


That never even crossed my mind!! UGH! I'm keeping an eye on the online thing and there have still been no texts or emails to her since that day. But i know it will only be a matter of time...


Almostrecovered said:


> did you get a name when you entered the number at cidlookup.com?


Nope, I didnt. I checked a lot of other numbers he was dialing too and only like 2/3rd of them came up with names. Some were coming up as "Celluar user" or things like that. So I still don't know her name. Makes it hard to look on FB for anything fishy, too.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

try spokeo.com then


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> try spokeo.com then


It says they found the record and it listed the same city I got when googled. I have to pay to find the full record. Do you think this is worth it? It's 3.95 per month for a six month membership. 

What i mean by is this worth it is: Do any of you guys have a membership there and what all do you get with it? I am not opposed to buying it if it helps my spy skills.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

spokeo will give more than just a name but also sometimes give spouses and other things, I havent had to use it since my OM was obvious as to who he was and such


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

It's been a couple days with no verifiable contact. I wouldnt advise to lower the guard, but perhaps there's an explanation?


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> spokeo will give more than just a name but also sometimes give spouses and other things, I havent had to use it since my OM was obvious as to who he was and such





sinnister said:


> It's been a couple days with no verifiable contact. I wouldnt advise to lower the guard, but perhaps there's an explanation?


Thanks guys. Yes, I'm feeling a little better and glad I haven't confronted him. I'm still going to keep my eyes open, but I hope it blows over.

So what is the next move? Say a couple weeks goes by and nothing happens. Do I just not say anything and be greatful - or do I remain vigilent?


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## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

Have any new texts shown up on the account since your discovery?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

update?


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