# Another BPDer in my life?!



## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I thought I became more opened eyes and more expert about personality disorders.
I read a lot about the BPD and I felt I will detect all the signs when they will occur.

Different person, different personality, different way, and the one I thought at certain point that he is so much like me, that he is my other half, I realized that he is so much like my exe!!! Unfortunately I fell into another BPDer!!!!! 

Sad, confused, lost, overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted, were the consequences of this relationship. I was fighting to proof to myself that he is not a BPDer I didn't want to believe it , I didn't want to feel that I lost the battle and that I fell into the wrong person. I didn't want to believe that I need to let go a huge love and all the expectations and dreams I built around him. But sadly I had to let him go and push him 3000 miles away.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Sorry to hear this, LVS. That has got to be heartbreaking. I know it's something I'm dreadfully afraid of. My STBXH has never been formally diagnosed with anything other than mood disorders, but that's mainly because he hides so much from his therapist. His behavior tells me otherwise, and I have to act and treat him as if he does have a PD, and my therapist agrees. 
If you don't mind my asking, what type of BPD personality did he have? Mind was the 'quiet' type, which probably made it harder to pinpoint.


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## BigdadG (May 6, 2012)

Check out Randi Kreger's book ," Stop Walking on Egshells ", it's readily available, a quick read , and can prove helpful. Sorry you're dealing with this !!!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

There are several articles about relationships with BPD partners on this site. Some of them hit closer to home than most other things I've read. Especially this one:

Borderline Males I've Known, and Almost Loved


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

LVS said:


> I read a lot about the BPD and I felt I will detect all the signs when they will occur.... Unfortunately I fell into another BPDer!!!!!


Like AnglePixie and BigDad, I'm so sorry to hear you ended up with another BPDer, LVS. I'm afraid that, for us excessive caregivers, that is so very easy to do. As we discussed over a year ago, our desire to be needed (for what we can do) far exceeds our desire to be loved (for the people we already are). 

The result is that we walk right past all the emotionally available people (BORING) until we find someone who desperately needs us. A person like that will adore us and do the love bombing we want so much. 

Indeed, the first several months with an infatuated BPDer is so intoxicating that going back and "settling" for a normal person is like replacing a codine addiction with Tylenol or aspirin. Like you, I am back in the dating pool and, to avoid repeating my past mistakes, I keep telling myself "Don't insist on fireworks, don't insist on fireworks, don't insist on fireworks...."


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

It was hard for me to decide but deciding what is right made me feel proud of myself (this is the new me) :smthumbup: . Time will heal the pain. I feel more relieved with the way things happened. Compared to how hard to leave a BPDer I am glad things worked the way they did. I had to use the techniques that I learned from BPDfamily.com "the detachment process" and how to let them go. Plus i was honest with him and I am still in the process of leaving him because he is so depressed right now. I am using my wisdom to avoid his reaction (the BPDer reaction when their partner leaves them). I don't need another stalker in my life. The process is risky, but also easier because he is in different state now.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I appreciate your support guys and thanks angelpixie and BigDDad for the link and the book



angelpixie said:


> but that's mainly because he hides so much from his therapist.


They always tell the therapist what they want to tell. They also tell us what they want us to know.....



angelpixie said:


> If you don't mind my asking, what type of BPD personality did he have? Mind was the 'quiet' type, which probably made it harder to pinpoint.


He is a quiet person very intellectual. He is high functional who can handle a job and can be socially successful. Also he is always depressed and feel that he was mistreated from his mother his brother and his ex he is desperate who has no motivation to do anything.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Uptown thanks for your input and i remember all our conversations about BPD. 



Uptown said:


> ...The result is that we walk right past all the emotionally available people *(BORING)* until we find someone who desperately needs us. A person like that will adore us and do the love bombing we want so much.


So much true. That's how i feel lol 



Uptown said:


> Like you, I am back in the dating pool and, to avoid repeating my past mistakes, I keep telling myself "Don't insist on fireworks, don't insist on fireworks, don't insist on fireworks...."


You made me laugh hmmm it's what i told myself when i met this guy but it was exciting and fascinating...

hmmmmm I thought i was armed and more ready for a new and healthy relationship but it wasn't enough..


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