# Boyfriend has been gone for almost 14 days....



## kate211982 (Dec 23, 2010)

I posted before. You can see some background under the posting "I called my BF a loser." 

Men out there. If you leave after an argument, how long do you usually leave for? If you're really really hurt, do you go back? To you end by verbally saying it's over or do you just leave and don't go back? It's been almost 2 weeks. I mean, I talked to him once in person since then, but still, this long?


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Sorry - If I need to cool off from a rare arguement - it's usually and hour and I'm soaked in sweat from a long walk. I tend to walk out my anger issues or lift weights until I can't move anymore. Something to drain all thought and anger out of my head.

He might be gone and not coming back.


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## kate211982 (Dec 23, 2010)

Powerbane said:


> Sorry - If I need to cool off from a rare arguement - it's usually and hour and I'm soaked in sweat from a long walk. I tend to walk out my anger issues or lift weights until I can't move anymore. Something to drain all thought and anger out of my head.
> 
> He might be gone and not coming back.



You're probably right. I guess if he wants his stuff, he'll be back.....


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I asked my boyfriend, and he says if it's been two weeks, he's either got incredibly fragile feelings, or you just really made him mad and it was the last straw. He thinks the guy is probably gone for good. He says that no man wants to be talked to like that, and like FutureMP's said, my boyfriend said he'd leave too. 

Sorry.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

While I understand that he may be deeply hurt, staying away two weeks is a sign that he can't deal with this in a mature manner, either. The longest I ever "disappeared" after a fight was 7 hours, but we always talked about it afterwards and resolved the issues.

Perhaps, maybe, that is to say... maybe it is a blessing in disguise? Maybe your seeing this side of him is a bit of a wake up call?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I think his response is exceedingly healthy. Mentally healthy.

If he went back for more of the same abuse that would make him a codependent to a person with long lasting and strong anger issues. This type of abuse is emotional, not physical. But it does have a phenomenally bad affect on sensitive people.


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## loren (Sep 13, 2010)

My ex boyfriend emotionally and verbally abused me, I got angry and left, and when I called to "make up" he disappeared for 17 days. This showed me that he did not love me or respect me, and that he was passive aggressive. Your boyfriend knows that this is torture and is deliberately punishing you. My ex was punishing me for not taking his abuse, and when he came back, I was done.

The fact is, you verbally abused him, and this is extremely painful coming from the person you love. Your comment may have been below the belt for him, and now he is 'winning' by punishing you, Both of you are not behaving in a mature manner and seem bent on hurting each other. He may come back, but if he does, you would have to accept that this passive aggressive method of dealing (google passive aggressive men) is likely to continue whenever he felt slighted. It is very painful (as you are experiencing now) and if you take him back after this it is not likely to get better.Right now he does not seem willing to communicate, and is disrespecting you with his silence in the same way you disrespected him with your words. 

You are both emotionally abusive. Only you know your limit to what you can take, and only time will tell as to whether he has already reached his. My advice is to leave him be. Good luck to you.


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## loren (Sep 13, 2010)

F-102 said:


> While I understand that he may be deeply hurt, staying away two weeks is a sign that he can't deal with this in a mature manner, either. The longest I ever "disappeared" after a fight was 7 hours, but we always talked about it afterwards and resolved the issues.
> 
> Perhaps, maybe, that is to say... maybe it is a blessing in disguise? Maybe your seeing this side of him is a bit of a wake up call?


:iagree:

I was deeply hurt after my ex said the horrible things he said to me, but if he had apologised soon after and sent an email etc like you did, accepting fault and saying he had a problem I could have forgiven him. The fact that he disappeared showed that he had zero regard for me whatsoever in that 17 days, and for me that was so much worse. I think his punishment outweighs your crime (my ex's definitely did, since I didn't do any verbal abusing), but I don't know how things went down. He obviously feels vindicated enough by your attempts at reconciliation to keep up this punishment. I think he is abusing his power in this situation and it's plain mean. You were mean first, but you also showed remorse. He has shown none. He is either done with the relationship or more interested in 'winning' than your feelings.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This is tough...

As for your questions...
- Hmmm, how many days can I remain distant? Around a month during our 2nd last fight, broke her down really, made me feel like s--t afterwards.
- I don't know how being called a loser would piss me off longer then a minute, the insult is rather lame really but that's just me.
- This is something that different men will have answers for - me, I would feel obliged to at least close up loose ends, for my own peace and closure as well if I was to leave.



> Your boyfriend knows that this is torture and is deliberately punishing you.


Yes this is also what I said on the other thread, this is my impression as well. Personally I would suggest against playing his game by the way, just hang out with friends and get your mind off it. Probably what he's doing as well.

The game hurts sometimes...


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## kate211982 (Dec 23, 2010)

loren said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I was deeply hurt after my ex said the horrible things he said to me, but if he had apologised soon after and sent an email etc like you did, accepting fault and saying he had a problem I could have forgiven him. The fact that he disappeared showed that he had zero regard for me whatsoever in that 17 days, and for me that was so much worse. I think his punishment outweighs your crime (my ex's definitely did, since I didn't do any verbal abusing), but I don't know how things went down. He obviously feels vindicated enough by your attempts at reconciliation to keep up this punishment. I think he is abusing his power in this situation and it's plain mean. You were mean first, but you also showed remorse. He has shown none. He is either done with the relationship or more interested in 'winning' than your feelings.



Thanks for the info. This could be his way out........


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## kate211982 (Dec 23, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> This is tough...
> 
> As for your questions...
> - Hmmm, how many days can I remain distant? Around a month during our 2nd last fight, broke her down really, made me feel like s--t afterwards.
> ...


Hi, this is probably his way out.........


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