# Spousal maintenance advice - general expectations



## Soon2BDivorceStatistic (Feb 1, 2021)

First time poster looking for some advice on spousal maintenance before the lawyers/courts get involved. Looking to ballpark it.

Sorry for the length of this.

*Situation*
Married 23 years. Two teen boys. Wife wants a separation to see if time apart will help.  We don't fight, no infidelity, we just go through the motions. It has been 10 years for me, and 5-7 for her where where we feel the other checked out. We have just existed together for so long that we have nothing in common except the kids. Not only that, we don't know each other any longer. We will always have the history, but I know nothing of her thoughts, goals, dreams, hopes, etc. for the future and the same goes for her about me.

I asked her to estimate what 6 months separated would do for us? Assess the probability that it will work. She gave it a 30% chance. To me, that is an order of magnitude too high. No reason to believe that it is more than a 3% chance she wants the marriage to succeed.

I wanted a hard reset. We either resolve our problems now or finally end things. She said no to the hard reset. It has a "Hail Mary" attempt on my part that failed. 

Her attempt will fail. Zero chance we come back from this. For her to separate me from my boys on a longshot is a deal breaker. 

She will not accept blame for "starting it" in the first place (a family tragedy started our descent). I have clearly stated that we are both 100% to blame for the marriage problems. At best she might think her share is 20%, tops. I am not going to change her mind and am not looking to do so.

We have spent so long racing towards a cliff that when it is finally upon us, I tried to stop the fall and she tried to slow it down. We cannot agree on this goal, so when the separation is up, we are through (< 1% chance we won't call it quits).

*Request*
Trying to get our financial house in order and ready when the axe falls. Have been working on an amicable solution, but have reached a sticking point.

Wife just recently got a new job in November, after having lost most of her previous one due to COVID (still had the job, but the work dwindled). My job pays considerably more, but I was informed, also in November, that my job will be eliminated and off-shored at the end of September, 2021.

SIDE NOTE: If a company you work for gets bought out by a private equity firm, run away and run away fast. Since June 2020, there have been 4 rounds of layoffs with more to come. We are in healthcare finance and we have essentially come through COVID is solid shape, but the march to send all the jobs overseas continues.

Finally, my point...

Using spousal maintenance calculators (we are in Illinois), gives a wide array of potential maintenance results. If we go by current income, I won't be paying her much. If it is a average of past years, the number jumps significantly, with the whole gamut in between. If I cannot find a job by the end of September, the roles _may_ be reversed.

As a rule of thumb, would current income be the more likely approach the court will decide? Or is there some other setup more likely?


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

You're correct that the separation will do nothing to fix things and significantly increase the chances of divorce unless you work through the problems in counseling. 

Although you never know what a court will do, they tend to be pragmatic (maintain the status quo). So if your support is based on your current employment situation. If you subsequently lose your job (especially shortly after a support order is put in place) it will be an uphill battle to modify support downward. 

Better off waiting to file if you think you'll lose your job.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Support orders, or the presence of any support at all, will vary widely from state to state. So, it will be well worth the cost of a consult with a good local attorney to get a solid answer to your question.  

And, no, being separated is not likely to improve your marriage. Actively working on your marriage might. But it would require both of you to be all-in on it, and if that's the intent, then there's no reason to separate.


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