# I got a call from OWs husband today



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

He told me that she is talking about moving out & leaving him with the kids (aged 1 & 4). WTF is wrong with that skanky ho-bag!
I could never imagine doing that to my kids. Perhaps she will move in with my H, no surer way to end that relationship!

She said there was no affair, they are friends, the valentines card was a joke (and I came down i the last rain shower...). He is so mad, hell he's probably on this website too. I scanned the valentines card & emailed it to him. 

H called to talk to kids, asked for me, was very pleasant. Last time we talked on Monday he said he wanted a divorce. I said I don't so if he wants one he can file it himself. I asked what grounds, he said emotional abandonment. I told him there are 3 types of abandonment in NY and emotional aint one of them, but he is guilty of abandonment, not me. So he was all nasty & pissy with me after that. I ignored him from that point on. He came over Tuesday, I carried on doing what I was doing, just said hello/goodbye. He seemed thrown that none of us were jumping all over him, kids were distant with him too & carried on reading their books & playing. 

Today, total turnaround. Told me he got a bonus at work, will give me 50% of it. wants to meet this weekend to hammer out details. Am thinking he is just trying to be nice to me so I will give him what he wants & let him out of this guilt trip hes in. 

Thoughts? Advice?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> He told me that she is talking about moving out & leaving him with the kids (aged 1 & 4). WTF is wrong with that skanky ho-bag!?


She's a ho. Sorry just had to throw it in and hopefully made ya smile 

I couldn't imagine a mother doing that either. But it does happen though not as often as when men do it...

Here's my thing: if he is offering you 50/50, TAKE IT. Seriously make sure you get it in writing before he has time to rethink the offer and waffle. WHY? Because many waywards agree to stuff in the beginning and then start changing their mind once clarity and reality hit them. TAKE IT!!! k

As for OW's husband,k I think he was right to call you and tell you what was up. It's pretty sad either of them are still denying their relationship and calling it "friends" but it's rare the cheater who owns up to their f-ckery.

Heart, stay strong.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Hell ya I am taking 50% of it, told him that was great as need to get an oil delivery & with price of fuel now will be a good whack. 

I am staying tough, keep saying to myself I WILL MAKE IT!

And karma is a b!tch so that skank will rue the day she crossed me..


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

You'll make it just fine.
I have a feeling that your husband will come crawling back soon. Whether you take him or not is up to you, but at least make him feel some pain.
As far as the OW, she'll get hers one day as well.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Thanks Dan. I have to say I am impressed at how strong we all can be when the chips are down. Go us!

And yes OW will deserve the hellfire that will rain on her head someday. I just can't fathom wanting to walk out on my children, makes her 100 times worse in my book.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Hell ya I am taking 50% of it, told him that was great as need to get an oil delivery & with price of fuel now will be a good whack.


for sure, he offered, take it with no strings attached !



> I am staying tough, keep saying to myself I WILL MAKE IT!


you are, we all are, we just have to really believe it.



> And karma is a b!tch so that skank will rue the day she crossed me..


:rofl:



Babyheart said:


> Thanks Dan. I have to say I am impressed at how strong we all can be when the chips are down. Go us!






> And yes OW will deserve the hellfire that will rain on her head someday. I just can't fathom wanting to walk out on my children, makes her 100 times worse in my book.


you are not wrong, can't understand how any mother can walk out on her flesh & blood !


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> I just can't fathom wanting to walk out on my children, makes her 100 times worse in my book.


I can't fathom any mom walking out on their children either. My ex and I share custody of our 2yr old and its so hard when its his week to have her. And Im lucky he feels the same, even though we're not together, she is so very loved.

All I can say is your H sure picked her good huh? She's walking out on her own H AND children, who are still precious little babies. What makes him think she won't eventually walk out on him, if he chooses to stay with her. She's got some serious "self" issues, and the biggest problem is she can't seem to put anyone else first except herself. 
It always astounds me when women just up and leave their children. What are they thinking?? Geez. 

Karma is a [email protected] for sure. My own H says he doesn't believe in karma. I just told him what a friend told me. Karma doesn't care if you believe in it or not, but it ain't f*ing around. When it comes around, and your left dumfounded wondering wth happened, and why these things are happening to you, you better believe its karma come to kick you right where you deserve it!!
Babyheart, I feel for you. A cheating H is hard to deal with. But I agree with Jellybeans, get in writing the things he's agreeing to, especially anything to do with financial stuff and your kids. 

Stay strong!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Yes ,take the money and ask for more 




Women that are capable of abandoning their own kids, are definitely missing a chip in their brain. What kind of cold hearted bit*ch will do that to her own babies. Yeah your H. picked well his ""friend"",she is perfect for him .:smthumbup:

Joke aside...sorry that you have to deal with so much BS  .You are an amazingly strong woman !(((hugs)))


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Just got this email from H. I want to reply & tell him he can F himself (and skanky!) I suspect this is coming because of what OW is doing now has him freaked out a bit. He also wants a divorce as it will let him off the hook. I think the best response is no response??

Anne, I'm really am not throwing anything back in face intentionally. Honestly I'm not. Already,repeatedly, said its my fault for not having it out when things got to me. I have never badmouthed you, ever. I really,truly want to us to be ..... Friends at the end of this. You are a incredible woman.! You are. This has happened and I don't won't kids to suffer anymore. It is going to be a long rough road, but for kids sake please let's make this clean. You think I talked bad about you when never I did. Still don't. This is what I want. I'm for once telling you what I want.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Just got this email from H. I want to reply & tell him he can F himself (and skanky!) I suspect this is coming because of what OW is doing now has him freaked out a bit. He also wants a divorce as it will let him off the hook. I think the best response is no response??


no no, a response when you have time, you are a very busy lady these days, so much to do, so little time, so you have to set priorities, it is not your fault that you have a few other, more important things that need your attention.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

He sent that late last night & its a reply to an email I sent weeks ago. If I wrote back now it would be angry. I want to tell him he has caused all of this by getting into it with that piece of trash. He destroyed his family for a woman who 2nd guessed him & undercut him at work every chance she got, a woman who is willing to leave her children. He is really going to get his own with that piece of work.

The kids have suffered, they will suffer more. He wants off the hook as he is feeling incredibly guilty. I want to keep him on the hook so he can live in guilt & shame, especially if he wants to shack up with that tramp. The kids will not be staying with him then. See if he can live with that.

Well thats what I want to say. Someone give me a good diplomatic reply (WHERE THE HELL IS FREAK??!!) Although I'm not sure she is diplomatic LOL.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Heres what I want to say (But will not send it for at least a day) Whatdoyathink?

You want out because you had a relationship with Diana. You want out because you are still having a relationship with her or you plan to have one. 

Thats why you want out - because you feel guilty & ashamed over what you are doing. You know it deep down, even though you get angry at me for saying it, you know I am right. 

How could you throw away your family for the person who second guessed you & undercut you every chance she got? Remember that?? You will never trust her, ever. Your relationship is built on lies & sneaking around. 

You know the kids are suffering and it is all your fault. They will continue to suffer no matter what happens with us. They have to live in 2 places. They have to divide their holidays. They now know that there is no security in life, and you really can’t trust anybody. They have already had to deal with their little brother being so ill. Remember when we had to bring them to the hospital to say goodbye to him because we were told he wasn’t going to come back from the OR?? That was too much for our children to have to go through. 

And now because you are being selfish & stubborn, you will put them through this as well. I really cannot believe you. I hope Diana is worth it to you because you will never forgive yourself for for doing this to your children.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

"you dug the hole, you keep digging the hole deepper, get use to the darkness '

is that diplomatic enough ?

Yeah, we want Freak back !!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*No, no, no, no, no, Babyheart. *

DO NOT send that email to him.
It is full of emotion and anger. You have got to show him you are above his stupid a**.

What you should reply back is something very short and succinct and ALL BUSINESS:

_
Husband,

I received your email. I agree that we should make this divorce as amicable as possible both for ourselves and for the children. I have contacted an attorney regarding what we previously discussed (50/50 children, and the financial agreement we decided) and you should be hearing from him/her soon.

Sincerely,

Babyheart_

WHY do I say to write it this way? Because you are better than him, lady! He is choosing to run off w/ some wh-re who is even leaving her children. Her children! He got a POS out of this deal. You take the high road, as much as you want to smack him upside the head and stick to that high road! Don't let him see you sweat! Don't let him see you hurt! From now on, all your interactions with him will be "professional"--like how you treat a colleague: cordial, business-like, UNemotional.

And I have a little story for you: My sister was engaged to a man (D) and they had a beautiful daughter. He went off to the military and started rooming with this man and his wife (S). My sis and him were still solid, he was promising her the world. Turns out D and S started having an affair. S had two children with her husband and LEFT THEM to go live with and marry D. My sister's heart was broken. She'd always visit with them (S, the husband, and her own D) and it was as if nothing was going on! 

Fast forward a few years... D & S are married and have two more children of their own.

About 2 years ago, guess what? S UP AND LEFT HIM AND HER TWO OTHER KIDS to go live with a new man!!! That's right... so now the count is 4 abandoned children.

D had to meet up with my sis re: something about their daughter (my niece) and he apologized to her profusely. Guilt all over him. But ya know what, it iddn't matter anymore. My sister had long moved on. D is single and alone now. My niece does not like him and refuses to visit with him.

So the moral of the story is... stay above this BS. 

Don't worry about karma and if she will get hers and if he'll get his. Just live your life full of love and be the best mom for your kids. It is NOT your fault or the kids' fault that your H chose this path. He will have to live with the consequences of that. Do you!


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

YES! What jellybean said!!


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Yeah babyheart...don't they all want to stay friends 
WTF ?!How can you be friends after all the pain and hurt they've caused.

I think you should send the email if you need to get these things out of your chest.Sometimes you just have to ,if you haven't said any of these things to him already ,go for it.Combo of your email + jellybeans...I think why not!
I actually wrote this for you,you can pick any phrases or re-word it,just thought that you could put some more guilt on him,let him live with as much guilt as possible.




> H. let's not play games anymore, our marriage is doomed,let's just put the cards on the table and say the truth..there is nothing to lose anymore. You want us to be friends really? After all you've put me through and our kids..you really think we can be friends?! We probably could have stayed friends if you looked me in the eyes told me the truth ,asked for a chance to fight for our marriage ,tried as hard as you can..aren't we worth trying ? How can you wake up one day and think we are not worth to you anymore ,how can you just forget everything that we've had.
> Yes we might have had really hard times BUT that's life...we are together and we get through the hard times together..remeber ""for better or worse".You chose the easy way out , so selfish....not thinking how you affect so many peoples lifes around you...because YES you will aftect your kids lifes big time. The lives to the most important people in your life.
> The kids are going to ask questions one day,are you going to be prepared to answer...to tell them the truth,to tell them why you didn't try to fight for us...for them?!One day you'll realize what you've done BUT it'll be too late.
> 
> ...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I say no guilting him into anything. He knows he's wrong and POS and doesn't have to be reminded.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Thanks! I think it is best I do not send him that email. He knows exactly where I stand & what I think. He knows what he is doing wrong. I know what you are saying V about getting it off my chest, but I have done that before to no avail. He ignored most of what I sent & its only now that I am pretty much ignoring him & have told him I do not want a divorce that he is trying to reach me. 

He wants the easy way out of this. I am not going to let him take that way out. He now has to deal with the consequences of what he has done.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you want, you can write him a letting calling him every name in the book and then set it on fire.

Like you said, he knows what your position is and is walking the other way. Don't chase him.

Let him go. 

You are worth more. The cooler/more calm you act about this, the better for YOU.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Baby, you are so strong, be proud of yourself, you're doing soooo much better than I am! You lady are an inspiration! 

My H hasn't said anything about D and I am frightened of approaching the subject again... he said he's not in any hurry, I don't know if that's coz he can't be bothered? Or if like before he said it's all too final..

God if I wrote what I thought of my I'd use a whole farking tree!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh gosh, something REALLY trippy happened today. I wrote this story below this morning for you and today I met up with my sister for lunch and we got on the subject of relationships and whatnot .. here is the story:



Jellybeans;281973[I said:


> And I have a little story for you: My sister was engaged to a man (D) and they had a beautiful daughter. He went off to the military and started rooming with this man and his wife (S). My sis and him were still solid, he was promising her the world. Turns out D and S started having an affair. S had two children with her husband and LEFT THEM to go live with and marry D. My sister's heart was broken. She'd always visit with them (S, the husband, and her own D) and it was as if nothing was going on!
> 
> Fast forward a few years... D & S are married and have two more children of their own.
> 
> ...


Ok so I went to lunch with sis and she says "You are never going to believe what happened on Monday." I said, What?? And she said her ex called her and was texting her out of nowhere groveling, asking for another chance, saying she was the best thing that ever happened to him, that he realizes he made a stupid and selfish mistake and that she was never far from his mind, that the OW knew it and he is an idiot, would she give him another chance, so he could be the man he wanted for her?

She told him HELL NO. LOL. She told him she has no respect for him as a man, that he doesn't even qualify as a man she'd even consider being with and that if he ever needs to talk to her again it should be strictly about co-parenting. And and she told him he needs to focus on himself. And he said (this is really sad and pathetic and funny almost)... that after focusing on himself, he wanted to focus on her and would that be ok? 

And she told him "Absolutely not."

HAHAHAHAHA! The timing of this happening is so crazy cause I just wrote that this morning!

So guys... it seems some of these waywards DO have regrets. Thing is, it may be sooo late when they finally do and by then you will have moved on totally.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Yeah babyheart...don't they all want to stay friends
> WTF ?!How can you be friends after all the pain and hurt they've caused.


yep, it takes at least 20 years before you can be friends again, I know this because one of the people who has given me support is my 1st wife


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Ok so I went to lunch with sis and she says "You are never going to believe what happened on Monday." I said, What?? And she said her ex called her and was texting her out of nowhere groveling, asking for another chance, saying she was the best thing that ever happened to him, that he realizes he made a stupid and selfish mistake and that she was never far from his mind, that the OW knew it and he is an idiot, would she give him another chance, so he could be the man he wanted for her?
> 
> She told him HELL NO. LOL. She told him she has no respect for him as a man, that he doesn't even qualify as a man she'd even consider being with and that if he ever needs to talk to her again it should be strictly about co-parenting. And and she told him he needs to focus on himself. And he said (this is really sad and pathetic and funny almost)... that after focusing on himself, he wanted to focus on her and would that be ok?
> 
> ...


:lol: LOVE IT!


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

God I need to take my own advice. H emailed again so I replied. Email battle currently going on, & he has dodged every Q I sent him, and came back with attacks on me.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> God I need to take my own advice. H emailed again so I replied. Email battle currently going on, & he has dodged every Q I sent him, and came back with attacks on me.


thats easy, stop emailing back to him, if he doesn't stop you can just bounce his emails back


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I agree with Crank.

Stop. I like the 48 hour rule... if youare filled with emotions, wait to respond for 48 hours and in that time, decide whether you want to proceed w/ what you were going to write and say (generally you don't want to do that anymore by the time 48 hours is up).

Remember, you've got to think of him as a "colleague" now.


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