# Alcohol, cheating, porn, what to do?



## Jeweler

I am really not sure where to start. When I start to talk about everything in my short marriage less then 3 yrs. I actually sound like the biggest idiot.
I have known my husband for about 9 yrs. I met him a couple of yrs after my first marriage ended in divorce . I have 2 child from my first marriage . He has 3. We dated for a short time then broke up and we went our own ways . A couple of yrs went by and we reconnected. He dated other people I did too. I have to admit , I always did love him. We both at the time lived in other states but we continued to date and spend weekends together every 3 weeks. It was great. But then he decided to move to my state and I thought everything will be great ... We got married 3 yrs ago. But it hasn't been all roses.. He drinks constantly every day ... I never even knew he drank !... We bought a house , he cheated on me.... She became a stalker... He won't stop drinking everything is my fault ... I honestly have no clue what to do..... Does anyone have words of wisdom????


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## PBear

You need to figure out your boundaries, then enforce them. Would you be willing to try if he quit drinking? If he took responsibility and worked with you in counselling? Or do you just want out? You're the only one who can decide that. 

C


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## Jeweler

He would never go into counseling. I have asked he flat out said no. He said he went when he was married the first time and it didn't work. He feels he doesn't have a drinking problem and he can control his drinking. His parents blame his drinking on me. But I recently found out his parents put him in 30 day rehab when he was 17 . He is 53 now. I honestly don't think he would change. Does that make me sound like a awful wife?


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## PBear

No, you're not an awful wife. So if he's not going to change, your options are either accept that he's going to keep doing what he's doing, or leave him. 

Why would his parents blame you for his drinking? What's they're reasoning? 

C


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## Jeweler

He texts them all the time, complaining how I treat him like crap don't respect him and on and on and on ... He only texts them complaining about me when he is drunk or at a bar. And we fought about his drinking. He actually told his parents he hasn't had a drink in over 2 yrs. and he is over his little problem as they call it.


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## PBear

So who cares what they think, then? Let him move on with them. 

C


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## Jeweler

I don't care what they think... I think I feel guilty because love has turned into pity ... I look at him and I think what a wasted life... His kids don't speak to him.... That isn't really a bad thing... They aren't kids I would be proud of. One is a drinker and chronic liar and the other two have been in trouble for stealing and cutting... Shouldn't I feel sad or anything other than pity or guilt?


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## PBear

Why should you feel guilty because you pity him instead of love him? His actions are owned by him, and based on what you've posted, it's understandable why you've lost your respect and love for him. He's done nothing to earn that love. 

Perhaps you need to focus on why you feel guilty for your (valid) feelings. Have you considered counselling for yourself? Or going to alanon? 

C


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## Jeweler

I have thought about alanon....have been looking into counseling the last 2 days....


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## happy as a clam

Jeweler said:


> Does anyone have words of wisdom????


AA or Divorce.


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## Mr.Fisty

His issues are his own, and you can't make him see reason. His parents are enablers and is toxic to him. You should not feel guilty if you want to leave. It is your boundary, and it will teach your kids it is okay to leave a toxic situation, instead of suffer through it. You have you and your kids to look after, and it is not your job to carry his weight and responsibilities on your shoulder also.


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## lovesmanis

You will never be able to compete with the alcohol. An alcoholic needs to hit rock bottom before they seek help. You can say aa or divorce and he will probably deny he has a problem. The best thing for you to do would be at that point to leave him and pull yourself together. 
He has to want to help himself. There is nothing that you can do to save someone who is like that.


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## JasonKaven

Marriage is also a kind of responsibility. You should think there will be a lot of trouble not only happiness when you decide to marry him. alcohol addiction is difficult to deal with, the best way is to see the doctor and he wants to stop it. I think you decide your marriage casually.


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## JasonKaven

if your husband is porn addiction, i have some ways to help you. You can install some blocking software on his computer to block the porn website and related apps. Aobo Internet Filter works well, you can take a took.


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## Slipping

SO I can sort of relate to you. My husband is a recovering alcoholic, a serial cheater, and Im the "*****". I was to blame for all the troubles in his life that drove him to run out and grab that drink, or sleep with that woman. When in reality, he had a ridiculous amount of issues stemming from childhood, and some people called him out on it, while others enabled him. For a large part of our relationship, he was enabled. 

Al Anon is great. I went to a couple of meetings, I would suggest it. Individual therapy is amazing, do that. Marriage counseling isnt going to work if he isnt receptive to it, and if he dosent realize he has a problem. 

The absolute best thing you can do for yourself, is work on you. It is so much easier said then done, I have been struggling with it, but it really does feel good to make yourself a priority. 

You cant change him, you cant control him, and you didnt cause him to be like this. 

good luck, i feel for you.


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## JasonKaven

For porn, May some porn filter tools can help! But alcohol and cheating are two big problems! 
Aobo Filter for PC


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