# Family Reunions



## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

At Christmas. This is what my SO's family does. Used to be in Dallas, which meant a 3 hour drive. 60 people crammed in a house too small for that many people. Now? It's here, since his step father is too ill to travel. 60 people crammed in a SMALLER house. Standing room only. Standing to eat. A billion dirty dishes b/c his mother is too cheap to use the dishwasher (seriously, they are NOT poor). Cold weather so the kids can't go outside for more than a few minutes. Young kids darting in and out everywhere, trying to entertain themselves when there's NOTHING for them to do. 

I offered my house. Not that it's bigger per se, but the layout is different. There would be more room for the zillion people. You'd still have to stand to eat, but you wouldn't be crammed in like sardines. The kids would have a room to themselves that they could play in. Nope. Not happenin'. 

I go through this EVERY year. I have grown children, and I have my own traditions and we get together ourselves. But these people don't understand if they hold it on a day when you've got other plans already made. They don't check with anyone (they couldn't possibly make this easy on EVERYONE, it's just not possible with that many people)..but don't get mad when someone can't make it!!!!! 

I know other families probably have their family reunions around Christmas. I just can't understand WHY. It's stressful enough without adding to it like this. I'm serious when I say 60 people, too. It's pandemonium. Am I nuts to want a DIFFERENT time of the year? Preferably somewhere where the kids can go outside???? And maybe somewhere where there were picnic tables so people could sit down to eat? I guess I'm just nit picking here, but thank you for allowing me the chance to do so. I personally think it's insanity. :scratchhead:


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## Izabella (Dec 22, 2010)

yea,that is just crazy to have a reunion around christmas.usually it spring/summer time when people hold them.
i dont think your MIL will change it though,she/family must like the stress of it all,that why they continue to do it.

do you have to help wash all those dishes?thats something i would refuse to do with a disher washer avalible.
hey just stop in,eat and roll out for now on,tell them you have other plans and cant stick around.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I agree; Christmas is an awful time of the year to be having a family reunion. Fortunately, my family has the family reunion organization down to an art. We enjoy hosting them so much that we now do it two times a year. We have one on Memorial Day weekend (Sunday) and the other one around the end of October or first of November (on a Sunday). They get bigger each time. We have anywhere from 50 to 75 people attending currently.

Perhaps request they rent a place which can accommodate more people--and someplace where the children can play outside. We actually have a pavilion on a secluded track of land for our entertaining. Our guest enjoy being out in the country for the day, and the children find plenty to occupy themselves with. If you look around, someone in your area probably has something similar they rent out for the day.

Also, suggest they start using disposable eating utensils, plates and cups. What about the food? Does everyone pitch in? We provide the main course at our get-togethers. Plus, my sister-in-laws and I usually each cook other items. Most of our guests also bring a covered dish. We end up with a huge array of food--and recipe swapping is inevitable.

Hope you find a way to get this event moved to a better time of the year. It should be something that is fun and everyone looks forward to.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

60 people in a small place, trying to eat--sounds truly awful so I really feel for you. I'm sure you'll find a way to enjoy your day, though, b/c you've got a great attitude!


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

As sucky as it is for you keep in mind that some of the family may "live" for that day. Everyone together, all the kids and grandkids and cousins and aunts and uncles. Every year may be the last for Grandpa Joe or Aunt Maudie, or maybe the first time everyone gets to see little baby Isabella. It's not my idea of a great day either but I can give up a day out of the year to make others happy.

My ex's family had a tradition of Christmas breakfast that drove me nuts. We would get up Christmas morning and first thing drag the kids to grandmas house for breakfast. There would be thirty or forty people there and it was total chaos, I couldn't wait to get back home and relax and let the kids open their gifts. Now my kids are 17 and 20 and one of the things they remember fondly are those Christmas mornings at grandmas, laughing about the chaos and the mess, a good memory for them to have and I'm glad we did it.

Anyway, I'm sure things could be handled better where the planning and dishes are concerned, maybe you could focus on taking over those task, the distraction may help pass the day. 

Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

"maybe you could focus on taking over those task" Oh, dear. No, no, no. My MIL (not really a MIL, but I'll go with that since it's easier) wouldn't hear of it. She's the queen of that castle. No one gets in the way. You ARE expected to help out with dishes, though. If I'm lucky, there will be paper plates. It will just be the endless pots, pans, casserole dishes, etc. And my health wouldn't let me do all that even if I wanted to. I always pitch in, and then pay for it later. It leaves me feeling resentful when others are perfectly able to help out and don't, b/c they haven't seen uncle Bob's 4th cousin Jimmy in a year. Spare me.

I know I have the wrong attitude about this. And attitude is half the battle. It is just so damned stressful that I can't enjoy one stinkin' thing about the day.

They've also decided to let the kids play "Dirty Santa" with the grown-ups this year. I had suggested to let the kids play their own dirty santa, so they don't get stuck with grown up gifts. NOPE. Not happenin' there, either. This is a bunch of people who don't know how to say "NO" to their little darlins. Whatever they want. The ONE thing that was bearable on that day just got hijacked by the kids, and parents who don't know how to say that this is for the grown ups, and we'll do one for you kids. All because ONE 11yo thinks he's an adult and wants to play. If you think I have an issue with this kid, you're right. We had everyone over here once...the grown ups were outside...and I had come in to find that this BRAT had cornered my cat and was kicking the living **** out of him. Literally. He kicked him so hard that my cat lost his bowels and crapped diarrhea all over the floor. Caused a family stink when I wanted the BRAT to clean it up himself, since HE was responsible. Oh, no. Little precious poopsie can't be sullied by cleaning up cat poop! I was FURIOUS (that he'd kicked my cat). LIVID. You don't abuse animals in my home. I'm no sign-carrying animal activist, but I don't believe in animal abuse. And a freakin' NINE YEAR OLD knows better than to kick a cat. He's a spoiled rotten little bully BRAT. Yes, it's the parents fault, b/c they're not PARENTS. They let this kid do WHATEVER he wants, b/c it's just easier that way. Good luck when this kid hits puberty.
I'm going to grin and bear it, and won't be able to WAIT until I get back home. Because I get to spend time with brats like this, and a ton of like minded parents that raise them. My kid wonders why HE has to be the one who minds. Because...though I'm not a perfect parent (hell...not even a good one sometimes)...he is MY kid. And I expect decent behavior out of him. The gathering is tomorrow. Shoot me now.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Pow!! BANG! BANG! BANG!!!!!!!!

Did I get you? Heck even if I only winged you at least you get to go to the hospital instead of the reunion.

Good luck


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm sorry you are having to endure this. It's a shame these reunions can't be fun.

As for that BRAT, I would make sure he never sets foot back in your house. There would have been a child beating at my place for that offense.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Cooper said:


> Pow!! BANG! BANG! BANG!!!!!!!!
> 
> Did I get you? Heck even if I only winged you at least you get to go to the hospital instead of the reunion.
> 
> Good luck


Darn it, you missed me.  Everyone I've ever told the story about what that BRAT did to my cat says they would have done bodily harm. What I WANTED to do was snatch him up by his hair, and throw him outside on the deck to where the grown ups were and tell his parents to NEVER bring him back to my house again. When I told my SO, there was a family dispute. He wanted the child punished (no corporal punishment since we don't believe in it...just SOME kind of consequence) and they flat out refused. Just told the little darlin' to not do it again. My SO was NOT happy with that, and let them know it. And they have never been back here since. Which is FINE BY ME. 

I've been running a fever of 102.4 the last coupla days. Having flare ups. That's normal considering everything I've had to do to get through this holiday. It usually passes in 3 days, and I'm so hoping that I'll get ONE MORE DAY out of this. Just one.


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