# Inappropriate behavior from step-son to daughter



## lookingforsolutions (Jan 10, 2013)

Hello, I need advice. Years ago when my stepson and daughter were about 4/5 (they are 6 mo apart) my stepson started to ask my daughter to "poke butts". We would hear this while they were playing. My husband and I said to the two this was inappropriate and to stop. Well it got worse, and when my husband was working on the road, I was going by my daughter's room and heard him begging and pleading for her to poke butts. She continually said no and then he tried to role play and asked what if he called her by a different name like samantha, or something else. I literally felt sick to my stomach. Also when we went camping he was doing this something horrible everytime they were alone, and then he exposed himself to people driving by. We brought all this to his bio moms attention and she initially blew up and we requested she take him to counseling. She did not and it did not stop. I finally had to switch wknds with my daughter's dad so they were not around each other except for a short time on friday. This took a while, mind you this went on for a period of a year or so before I had to do something more drastic. This caused a constant rift between my husband, we constantly argued about it. Well, I started taking my daughter who was 13 at the time to counseling and it was brought up that the abuse was even worse than we thought and involved touching. I was so angry and my husband asked my stepson's mom if he ever did go to counseling and told her what was brought up and she said no and really blew up this time. The counselor said initially she might have to report it but than told us it would have to be done through us if we wanted. My husbands ex basically now has cut off my stepsons contact with us except for a visit between him and my husband during christmas. The counselor said to keep him away from my daughters, I also have a 9 yr old now for a while. This is really tearing at the family, and even my older daughter is upset that she doesn't see him anymore, which I don't understand, but she said it stopped after I separated them. Please help, I am so lost. Thank you....


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## lookingforsolutions (Jan 10, 2013)

Wasn't sure which area to post this, hope this works okay.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

She's upset because she loves him. Children who are abused by a family member have very conflicting feelings towards the abuse. Your daughter is confused. She misses him but doesn't miss the abuse.
How old is the boy now? Has his father discussed it with him? Does he know why he isn't allowed to come around any more? This needs to be addressed with the boy before he gets any older and he definitely needs counselling.

Not to down play the situation at all but is there a chance that the two kids were just doing the 'doctors and nurses' that is all part of growing up or is this a definite case of abuse? If so social services need to be informed!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Wow, what an awkward situation. Was there any way for your husband to arrange counseling for his son?

I think he may have been abused, too, but it's really kind of hard to say because kids do strange things sometimes...

Hoping your daughters are okay and dealing with this effectively...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lookingforsolutions (Jan 10, 2013)

He's 14 now, so is my daughter. He definately knows why he isn't coming over. The day my daughter confessed this all in counseling was the day we were supposed to get him from his mom for the wknd. My husband drove there and told her what had been brought up and his son's mom blew up and went off than called me yelling asking what I expected. I stated that I expected you to take him to counseling when this all went down like 6 years ago, and I said he had to go to counseling now.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Your H needs to speak to her about getting him into counselling. There's not a lot more you can do apart from making sure your daughter is dealing with this ok.
The mum sounds very defensive! Maybe she knows more than she's letting on!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

How did you guys NOT know he wasnt in counseling all this time?? That boy is messed up, and no one has done anything! Why is it that his father did not take the initiative to get him help??Personally, I would have divorced my husband over something like this! Keep them apart, thats about all the advice there can be, other than finally getting the kid some help!


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Somewhere along the line this boy was sexually abused himself...the boy needs help. Kids don't just do that at that young of an age without learning it from somewhere else. His father needs to be concerned about why his child is showing signs of sexual abuse, and if he isn't...well I would wonder why, and quite frankly if he isn't that doesn't make him look very good in that regard.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, to be honest, counseling probably would not make him any safer to anyone. The success rate of counseling molesters is notoriously low. 

As DaisyGirl said, their victims often miss them but do not miss the abuse. 

It sounds to me like there's a lot more to the story than normal child exploration because of his exposing himself to strangers and you said "horrible things happened when they were left alone."

The one thing you said that deeply concerns me: The boy learned this from someone, and that someone could very well be your husband. Even though he has said the boy cannot come around now, this is NOT a sign that he's innocent of wrongdoing. It's also not a sign of guilt, but the fact that he was a trusted adult in the boys life (as was the child's mother and any boyfriends or subsequent husbands, plus any adult caregivers the boy had) means there is a chance of this. I would be asking my daughter if the boy may have told her how he learned such things, and if anyone else has tried to touch her inappropriately. They were small enough that he might have. If she can't tell you, the boy can if you're able to reach out to him in a neutral, non-threatening way. (It may be impossible to do this now because of the things that have already happened.)

If this doesn't get you anywhere, please take a look at my article on Child Safety - Protect Your Child from Predators and Abuse for a more in-depth look at the kinds of behaviors molestors exhibit and what can be done to protect kids.


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## DangerousCurves (Jul 18, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> How did you guys NOT know he wasnt in counseling all this time?? That boy is messed up, and no one has done anything! Why is it that his father did not take the initiative to get him help??Personally, I would have divorced my husband over something like this! Keep them apart, that's about all the advice there can be, other than finally getting the kid some help!


Exactly. I was wondering the same thing myself. I seriously question your husband's lack of effort to get the boy some help as soon as this all occurred YEARS ago. 

All 3 adults involved failed these two children, imho.


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## DangerousCurves (Jul 18, 2012)

Did the step-mom ever remarry as well? Any boyfriends she was dating that he could have learned this behavior from? Or maybe she is the possible abuser since she is so defensive about the matter? It's not just men who molest children.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

Yep! The lack of concern from both bio parents concerns me deeply. Your H should be more concerned than he appears to be; makes me wonder what he's afraid of that might come out in the event his son does get help. 

Sorry, but.......No self respecting, INNOCENT parent, in their right mind, would let this go on without somehow addressing it.


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## lookingforsolutions (Jan 10, 2013)

That is been one of the biggest sources of fights in regards to this between my husband and I. When I originally brought this to his ex's attention, he made Me talk on the phone with her and tell her what needed to happen. She and I basically went off on each other and then every time that he was due to come for his visit I would ask my husband if she had mentioned him getting counseling and made him ask his son if he was going. I honestly felt they were both not taking it seriously, the whole "boys will be boys" thing.. But I could tell it was escalating and being a child that was sexually molested by a babysitters sons I had bells going off left and right. Especially after hearing my step-son trying to coerce my daughter that one evening. My husband is intimidated by his ex, literally cowers when he has to confront her and rather no deal with it. That's when I took the situation into my own hands and switched wknds to keep them apart. I got it from my mom-in-law because she thought I was trying to keep them apart for no reason. She just recently found out what really happened. Now my husband is angry because it was brought up in counseling and his wife retaliated by keeping his son away, she says that it's because the counselor they recently took him to recommended it, but I honestly think it's because she is afraid because it was mentioned it might be reported. No bother there because my daughter's counselor recommended he not be near my daughters. I don't feel my husband is involved in abuse But he is so afraid of confronting his ex. His ex was meeting guys on the internet, wanted to move south with one of them, and was cheating (we heard) after she got remarried....


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## lookingforsolutions (Jan 10, 2013)

Another issue is that my daughter and my husband do not get along, butt heads all the time, which exabberates the issue.. They fight horribly although recently it got better. In counseling it was brought up a really bad fight in summer where it became physical between them and now that is being reported, so now he doesn't want her to go to that counselor anymore because he feels it's tearing us up.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

lookingforsolutions said:


> Another issue is that my daughter and my husband do not get along, butt heads all the time, which exabberates the issue.. They fight horribly although recently it got better. In counseling it was brought up a really bad fight in summer where it became physical between them and now that is being reported, so now he doesn't want her to go to that counselor anymore because he feels it's tearing us up.


Why in God's name are you still with this man?? WHY are you making your daughter have to deal with all of this abuse?? What a bunch of sh!t! I'm sorry, but NO MAN is worth this, NO MAN is more important than your daughter!!


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## lookingforsolutions (Jan 10, 2013)

The altercation occurred because she was swearing a lot this last summer and rebelling. That is when we started counseling because she was depressed too. My husband had told her if she swore again, he would put soap in her mouth. She called him a bastard and swore again, he got very angry and went to put soap in her mouth, he was trying to get it in, and she was pulling away and her gums got abraded by the soap dispenser top. All the guys at his work had been egging him on by saying, "my daughter wouldn't do this and that, and He just blew his top.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

So your H got physical with your daughter during an argument? Why did you stay with a man who's capable of physically fighting one of your daughters? Honestly, it should have been reported last summer. The fact that he's upset about any kind of investigation in this situation is very telling. And with this one, there's no way he can implicate/blame his ex; this is all HIM. 

Sorry, but there's no reason a man with nothing to hide should get into a physical fight with any woman/young lady. Is sounds very much like he might have anger/resentment issues toward your daughter for bringing to light something he hoped would stay hidden. 

He wants to change counselors? Why? Because they're onto something? Well, being this counselor is NOT for his son, HE shouldn't have a say as to who she gets counseled by. That should be your call......


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

So your daughter has been sexually abused by the son and physically assaulted by her father! This is a very sorry situation. I think you ALL need family counciling. This is way beyond throwing it out there on an Internet forum!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

lookingforsolutions said:


> The altercation occurred because she was swearing a lot this last summer and rebelling. That is when we started counseling because she was depressed too. My husband had told her if she swore again, he would put soap in her mouth. She called him a bastard and swore again, he got very angry and went to put soap in her mouth, he was trying to get it in, and she was pulling away and her gums got abraded by the soap dispenser top. All the guys at his work had been egging him on by saying, "my daughter wouldn't do this and that, and He just blew his top.


I know that you have pushed for counseling and kept the kids apart but truthfully your husband has some serious issues too. He is afraid of his ex yet can be egged on into physically assaulting his step daughter? Your daughter must have so much hurt and anger going on - I can only imagine. I would "rebel" too. The adults in the room have not been doing enough to protect her and one of them even goes so far as to physically punishing her for acting out (her natural reaction). She needs intense therapy and also she has to know that you are there to protect her from ANYONE who will try to hurt her. If her step dad has been doing anything inappropriate with her (or his son, if she knows), she may say something in counseling.

Your hubby needs counseling or in the least parenting classes. He is not equipped to deal with this and has been failing miserably, imo. You will need to put your foot down with him. If he is innocent of any other wrong doings then he has to be the adult and learn how to appropriately interact with and support his kids.

I am sorry that you and your family are going through this. I don't know if any of us are equipped for issues like this. i hope Kathy's statistics don't go against your step son and that he can recover. He needs a lot of love, support and counseling. He needs a man to show him how good men interact with children so that he can grow up to be one.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

and how do you "have a 9 yr old now for a while"?


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

ATC529R said:


> poking butts? physical touching?
> 
> yes, the amount of wanting to poke is curious......but I have yet to hear ANYTHING damning to the extent everyone is calling him a molestor.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

lookingforsolutions said:


> Hello, I need advice. Years ago when my stepson and daughter were about 4/5 (they are 6 mo apart) my stepson started to ask my daughter to "poke butts". We would hear this while they were playing. My husband and I said to the two this was inappropriate and to stop. Well it got worse, and when my husband was working on the road, I was going by my daughter's room and heard him begging and pleading for her to poke butts. She continually said no and then he tried to role play and asked what if he called her by a different name like samantha, or something else. I literally felt sick to my stomach. Also when we went camping he was doing this something horrible everytime they were alone, and then he exposed himself to people driving by. We brought all this to his bio moms attention and she initially blew up and we requested she take him to counseling. She did not and it did not stop. I finally had to switch wknds with my daughter's dad so they were not around each other except for a short time on friday. This took a while, mind you this went on for a period of a year or so before I had to do something more drastic. This caused a constant rift between my husband, we constantly argued about it. Well, I started taking my daughter who was 13 at the time to counseling and it was brought up that the abuse was even worse than we thought and involved touching. I was so angry and my husband asked my stepson's mom if he ever did go to counseling and told her what was brought up and she said no and really blew up this time. The counselor said initially she might have to report it but than told us it would have to be done through us if we wanted. *My husbands ex basically now has cut off my stepsons contact with us except for a visit between him and my husband during christmas.* The counselor said to keep him away from my daughters, I also have a 9 yr old now for a while. This is really tearing at the family, and even my older daughter is upset that she doesn't see him anymore, which I don't understand, but she said it stopped after I separated them. Please help, I am so lost. Thank you....


probably because she does not want her son arrested for playing dr when he was a kid. 

sounds more like a 13 year old being a 13 year old and blaming everyone else, her mom draggin her to counseling...the counselor grasping for straws and pointing fingers..

I AM SORRY IF I AM OFFENDING YOU, but this is a recent sore subject for me............


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Looking, I hate to tell you, but I STRONGLY suspect your husband is molesting your daughter.

There are some specific reasons I think this: 

1. He is intimidated by his ex. Men who molest typically do this because they do not have strong enough egos to face the challenges of relating to people (especially of the opposite sex) when it comes to any type of disagreement. I would never claim that a passive person is automatically a molester. However, the things you've described (a child who learned age-inappropriate sexual behaviors, a passive "trusted adult" to that person, and a daughter who doesn't get along with him) add up to this as a probable conclusion.

2. His reaction to counseling is VERY consistent with abusers. I speak from vast experience on this. 

3. Although your daughter doesn't get along with him, this is NOT an indication that she would be honest if he was molesting her. She has many reasons to protect YOU. 

The problem you're facing is that he has very good reasons to NEVER tell you. Your daughter has very good reasons, too. While there are ways to confront this, I would not attempt to guide you because it's a very risky proposition. The best you can hope for is to create an environment where your daughter knows with 100% certainty that you will stand by her instead of your marriage and hope she believes it enough to get honest with you. As you've seen, she isn't willing to be forthcoming on the matter because there's too much risk. In counseling, this risk is even greater. On the other hand, no counseling can be even worse.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

All the adults here have failed terribly.

OP your job is to protect your daughter, you have not done this, you have failed her but don't seem to be taking any responsibility for that. Instead you keep trying to paint the boys mum as the bad parent. ALL of you are bad parents.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

KathyBatesel said:


> Well, to be honest, counseling probably would not make him any safer to anyone. The success rate of counseling molesters is notoriously low.
> 
> ...


When a child like this gets appropriate phychiatric care and counseling before the age of 18 the success rate is extremely high... in the 90% range.

I've volunteered with children who were molested and who were acting out like this boy is. 

Once a person hits 18, the sexual behaviors imprint on the brain in a way that is next to impossible to change. But in a young child they can be changed.

This boy was most likely molested and was acting out what happened to him at an early age. Too bad none of the adults around him cared enough about him to get him the help he needed.

If both parents refused to get him couseling, then the OP could have gone to child services about it. they would have ensured he got the help he needed.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lookingforsolutions said:


> The altercation occurred because she was swearing a lot this last summer and rebelling. That is when we started counseling because she was depressed too. My husband had told her if she swore again, he would put soap in her mouth. She called him a bastard and swore again, he got very angry and went to put soap in her mouth, he was trying to get it in, and she was pulling away and her gums got abraded by the soap dispenser top. All the guys at his work had been egging him on by saying, "my daughter wouldn't do this and that, and He just blew his top.


Your husband tried to put soap in your daughter's mouth? He tireld to put liquid soap in her mouth and cut up her gums. And you did not call the police on him for domestic violence? Really?

Are you aware that soap is poison to humans? Liquid soap is worse because it can run down the throat.

Why are you allowing your child to be abused by this man?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ATC529R said:


> probably because she does not want her son arrested for playing dr when he was a kid.
> 
> sounds more like a 13 year old being a 13 year old and blaming everyone else, her mom draggin her to counseling...the counselor grasping for straws and pointing fingers..
> 
> I AM SORRY IF I AM OFFENDING YOU, but this is a recent sore subject for me............


There is a difference between playing doctor and a child constantly pushing another child to do sexual things.

When a kid plays doctor they stop when the other person says no.


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## lookingforsolutions (Jan 10, 2013)

My husband at the time was working on the road M-F only home on the weekends when my stepsons behavior started and through it. We met when both our kids from previous marriages were 2. I was busy protecting my daughter and I felt like all my concerns were being down-played. My husband said the same thing, they were acting, I was being paranoid. When it escalated was when I had to act. Mind you this is his son, so he would not believe that he was doing anything overly wrong, and his instinct is to protect his son. He was trying to watch it because he knew his wife was going to react by keeping him away from him. I know from your perspective you feel I failed, but I have faced major repercussions for even switching wknds and fighting about this whole situation. I love my husband and we have went to counseling about this, plus family counseling. I have never hidden this, I go to counseling and have worked with a counselor at every moment this was going on, and asked for professional opinions all through the way. I could not force my daughter to tell about what happened to her, and every counselor I had seen knew about EVERY issue. I have fought for my daughter, just don't think the best answer is to divorce my husband. I have a 9 year old daughter by him. I have never seen anything to give me thought that he has molested anyone. Remember I was molested as a child, my redflag is always up. I know he does not want to lose all contact with his stepson which he pretty much has. I was so upset when the fight occurred between him and my daughter I did not talk to him after that night for a week. We went to counseling and discussed it, and I told him in no UNCERTAIN terms that if it ever escalated to that pt again, I would leave. Please know that I am doing my best in a horrible situation, I NEVER expected to have all these issues when I married him, I knew the blended family thing would be hard, I hated my stepdad when growing up but have come to love him very much. My mom hated her stepdad growing up and then came to love him. This whole situation breaks my heart.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

To anyone who's upset, all you have to say is "My job is to protect my children, and that is what I'm doing"... 

Nothing else needs to be said by you or done by you.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

lookingforsolutions said:


> My husband at the time was working on the road M-F only home on the weekends when my stepsons behavior started and through it. We met when both our kids from previous marriages were 2. I was busy protecting my daughter and I felt like all my concerns were being down-played. My husband said the same thing, they were acting, I was being paranoid. When it escalated was when I had to act. Mind you this is his son, so he would not believe that he was doing anything overly wrong, and his instinct is to protect his son. He was trying to watch it because he knew his wife was going to react by keeping him away from him. I know from your perspective you feel I failed, but I have faced major repercussions for even switching wknds and fighting about this whole situation. I love my husband and we have went to counseling about this, plus family counseling. I have never hidden this, I go to counseling and have worked with a counselor at every moment this was going on, and asked for professional opinions all through the way. I could not force my daughter to tell about what happened to her, and every counselor I had seen knew about EVERY issue. I have fought for my daughter, just don't think the best answer is to divorce my husband. I have a 9 year old daughter by him. I have never seen anything to give me thought that he has molested anyone. Remember I was molested as a child, my redflag is always up. I know he does not want to lose all contact with his stepson which he pretty much has. I was so upset when the fight occurred between him and my daughter I did not talk to him after that night for a week. We went to counseling and discussed it, and I told him in no UNCERTAIN terms that if it ever escalated to that pt again, I would leave. Please know that I am doing my best in a horrible situation, I NEVER expected to have all these issues when I married him, I knew the blended family thing would be hard, I hated my stepdad when growing up but have come to love him very much. My mom hated her stepdad growing up and then came to love him. This whole situation breaks my heart.


When your concerns were being downplayed is when you should have left him. That is YOUR DAUGHTER! She is the most important person in your life and depends on YOU to keep her safe and well! And you say the answer isnt to divorce your husband?? Why isnt it?? Your marriage to him is what caused all the issues in the first place, and the first step to helping your daughter is to get out of that situation. Just because your other daughter isnt having issues doesnt mean that you get to sweep the older girl's issues under the rug. Come on Mom, wake up!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

ATC529R said:


> *after 10 years of counseling and not one counselor has heard enough info to call DCF......how much more counseling do you need?*
> 
> she is already biased towards thinking people are molestors...and if you look hard enough for something you will find something whether it is true or not.


ATC, what is your deal?? Here is the original post:

"Hello, I need advice. Years ago when my stepson and daughter were about 4/5 (they are 6 mo apart) my stepson started to ask my daughter to "poke butts". We would hear this while they were playing. My husband and I said to the two this was inappropriate and to stop. Well it got worse, and when my husband was working on the road, I was going by my daughter's room and heard him begging and pleading for her to poke butts. She continually said no and then he tried to role play and asked what if he called her by a different name like samantha, or something else. I literally felt sick to my stomach. Also when we went camping he was doing this something horrible everytime they were alone, and then he exposed himself to people driving by. We brought all this to his bio moms attention and she initially blew up and we requested she take him to counseling. She did not and it did not stop. I finally had to switch wknds with my daughter's dad so they were not around each other except for a short time on friday. This took a while, mind you this went on for a period of a year or so before I had to do something more drastic. This caused a constant rift between my husband, we constantly argued about it. Well, I started taking my daughter who was 13 at the time to counseling and it was brought up that the abuse was even worse than we thought and involved touching. I was so angry and my husband asked my stepson's mom if he ever did go to counseling and told her what was brought up and she said no and really blew up this time. The counselor said initially she might have to report it but than told us it would have to be done through us if we wanted. My husbands ex basically now has cut off my stepsons contact with us except for a visit between him and my husband during christmas. The counselor said to keep him away from my daughters, I also have a 9 yr old now for a while. This is really tearing at the family, and even my older daughter is upset that she doesn't see him anymore, which I don't understand, but she said it stopped after I separated them. Please help, I am so lost. Thank you.... "


Did you miss the part about the role playing? The part about exposing himseld? The part about the touching??? The counselor said to keep him away from the daughters. This boy is disturbed, someone somewhere has sexually abused him, and the OP's daughter is the one paying the price because he didnt get help.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

If I was him I would have been gone already, but I am not passive.

Then I ask: why hasn't he left? Could it be that he can better control the situation from the 'inside' than on the outside? How much control would he have during counseling, conversations, etc. when he's no longer there? There would be no reason the daughter would have to her mouth shut then.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

heavensangel said:


> If I was him I would have been gone already, but I am not passive.
> 
> Then I ask: why hasn't he left? Could it be that he can better control the situation from the 'inside' than on the outside? How much control would he have during counseling, conversations, etc. when he's no longer there? There would be no reason the daughter would have to her mouth shut then.


I agree with your reasoning....but it may be that that he loves his wife and does not want to leave ...and they have a 9 year old together as well.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

ATC529R said:


> my deal is I had a therapist take multiple things out of context and call DCF and I see evryone hear jumping on the bandwagon here and it's just scary.
> 
> role playing? sounded kind of wierd, but not enough info....yesterday my daughter was pluto from mars and her friend was mickey the martian on the playground.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry you are having to deal with such a difficult situation. But your and the OP's situations dont really sound the same. She actually heard this boy trying to coerce her daughter. Her daughter has told her things that actually happened. Maybe if these parents had taken this more seriously, the poor son may have gotten some help and they could find out WHO has abused him in the past. Or at the least, where he learned this stuff from. I had a boy trying to do things to me as a child about the same age as these two, 4-5, and his parents had porn openly all over their house. Same thing happened to a friend of mine as a kid, exposure to porn by the boy. 

The thing that has me so disturbed, I guess because I have a daughter, is the rugsweeping going on. Yes, they have been in counselling, but why would they not get the son to counseling themselves, instead of expecting the obviously low-life bio mom to take care of it?


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## Anabel (Dec 21, 2012)

I'm not saying what happened between her daughter and stepson wasn't inappropriate and possibly damaging. _However_, calling a kid-- who was so close in age to her daughter and so young when this happened-- a molester I think is nuts. This isn't a hardened sexual offender, or even an older teenager, he was a little kid! It still isn't entirely clear to me either based on what was written that this wasn't more than the experimentation that many kids do. It may have been above and beyond, but even if so, jumping to conclusions and labeling the boy a molester is potentially _more_ damaging to both children. If it is drilled into his head enough, through family confrontations or in counseling, he may start to even come to believe it and accept it as part of his personality. How does that benefit anyone??

I agree it is very scary to hear so many people jump so quickly on a bandwagon. To label a child a molester, and then go even further and say he may be beyond treatment, too.  

A mother's job is to protect, and set a good example for, her children. Not allowing her daughter to be exposed to the behavior anymore protects her. That does not, however, mean that the boy should be vilified.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Anabel said:


> I'm not saying what happened between her daughter and stepson wasn't inappropriate and possibly damaging. _However_, calling a kid-- who was so close in age to her daughter and so young when this happened-- a molester I think is nuts. This isn't a hardened sexual offender, or even an older teenager, he was a little kid! It still isn't entirely clear to me either based on what was written that this wasn't more than the experimentation that many kids do. It may have been above and beyond, but even if so, jumping to conclusions and labeling the boy a molester is potentially _more_ damaging to both children. If it is drilled into his head enough, through family confrontations or in counseling, he may start to even come to believe it and accept it as part of his personality. How does that benefit anyone??
> 
> I agree it is very scary to hear so many people jump so quickly on a bandwagon. To label a child a molester, and then go even further and say he may be beyond treatment, too.
> 
> A mother's job is to protect, and set a good example for, her children. Not allowing her daughter to be exposed to the behavior anymore protects her. That does not, however, mean that the boy should be vilified.


I so agree. That boy needs help before its too late, and it isn't too late.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Don't know how to respond. Young boys will mess around at any age but what you've described....yeesh. I hope your daughter is okay.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Anabel said:


> I'm not saying what happened between her daughter and stepson wasn't inappropriate and possibly damaging. _However_, calling a kid-- who was so close in age to her daughter and so young when this happened-- a molester I think is nuts. This isn't a hardened sexual offender, or even an older teenager, he was a little kid! It still isn't entirely clear to me either based on what was written that this wasn't more than the experimentation that many kids do. It may have been above and beyond, but even if so, jumping to conclusions and labeling the boy a molester is potentially _more_ damaging to both children. If it is drilled into his head enough, through family confrontations or in counseling, he may start to even come to believe it and accept it as part of his personality. How does that benefit anyone??
> 
> I agree it is very scary to hear so many people jump so quickly on a bandwagon. To label a child a molester, and then go even further and say he may be beyond treatment, too.
> 
> A mother's job is to protect, and set a good example for, her children. Not allowing her daughter to be exposed to the behavior anymore protects her. That does not, however, mean that the boy should be vilified.


This is a very good post. :smthumbup:


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