# Husband has ED



## Claire234 (Mar 8, 2015)

We are married for over 2 years and have a daughter a few months old. Ever since we got married we had sex about 5 to 6 times and I got pregnant. He shows no love to me otherwise. No kissing or making me feel loved. It's just like 2 friends living together. We don't touch each other at all. He refuses whenever I initiate. He says his work is more important than sex/ romance. I wouldn't worry about him having ED if he would do other things to make me feel loved. Like kissing etc

It's not just this. He doesn't let me meet anyone. I'm not allowed to leave the house without him and no one can come to our house to meet me. No family or friends. This is very strange. I know no one who's going through such a situation.

I feel sad all the time. Are these two reasons good enough to end the marriage? Or will they change with time? I don't want to make a wrong decision as my daughter will be the one to suffer.


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## tommyr (May 25, 2014)

I think there are 2 major problems in your house: he is too controlling, and you are too submissive. Both of you need to change. Start with yourself.

Do this, right now: Stand up. Walk towards the door. Speak in his direction and say "Going out for coffee, I'll be back in around 45 minutes, call my cellphone if you need me. Bye!" Then head to the nearest Starbucks, and as you sip your coffee, start some casual conversation about the weather with the woman next to you.

See that was actually pretty easy and natural. Report back to us how this Starbucks trip went, otherwise if he stops you, dial 9-1-1 and report a hostage situation in progress. Not trying to sound mean, I simply cannot fathom what it means that he won't let you out or meet people. Please explain in detail how he could accomplish this, because I suspect your "head" may be playing a significant role here. Not excusing his behaviour, but holding you accountable for yours.


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## Claire234 (Mar 8, 2015)

Yes this is all very sad. I'm depressed most of the time. I cry most of the day as I feel lonely. I never have any money so this Starbucks idea won't work. It would have been much easier for me to live my life if one of these things weren't there. If he doesn't want me to see other people, then at least he should give me some attention and show love towards me. But he doesn't.

He says he doesn't believe in romance and that romance does not exist in real world. What kind of a statement is that? If I ever try to talk to him about my situation, he resists. Gets angry and leaves the house. He says I give him stress when I complain. So I have stopped complaining now. I'm not sure what to do. 

He even denies that he has ed. I know he does but he doesn't admit. He says he's perfectly fine. Then why did it take him 5 months to have sex for first time after marriage? 

Whatever I do, it will effect my daughter for the rest of the life. Once I mentioned divorce, and he said he will get custody of our daughter as I don't work. I wouldn't give up my daughter at any cost. Basically I'm stuck.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

He will not get custody of your daughter just because you don't work. 

He is very abusive. 

Do you really want to live your whole life this way? 

Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking his behaviour is ok? Do you want your daughter to think women should accept whatever treatment a partner gives her? 

It's understandable that you have stayed because he has probably eroded your self esteem. You can get it back. He has obviously removed your support structures. You can get those back too. He takes all the money- that's financial abuse. 

Are in the USA? If so which state are in? 

If not where are you located? 

You deserve so much more for your life. You are stronger than you know. 

You need to call or contact a domestic violence service. They can help you get away and protect you and your child. 

Life can be really good again. 

I'm posting belie some info from Ekegirl. A fantastic post she made with great info for you:


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

> If you search on the internet for "domestic abuse exit plan" or "domestic abuse safety plan" a lot will come up that you can look over. The one below is one that I added some things to based on my own experience.
> 
> Get a support system:
> 
> ...


Posted by Elegirl in another thread


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

> Your safety Plan: this is so that you can leave immediately if things get out of hand.
> 
> * Know the phone number to your local battered women's shelter.
> 
> ...


Post by Elegirl continued


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## Claire234 (Mar 8, 2015)

Thought of divorce makes me sad and depressed. I don't know if I will be able to go through all this alone. With a responsibility of a child. I'm very scared. I don't want to regret anything later. He does love his daughter very much. If I get out of this marriage, I'll be left alone. But if I stay, at least my daughter won't be alone. She'll have a father. 

Besides I don't know how I'll manage house rent and other bills as my husband is doing all this right now. He owns a big mansion. But if I move out, I'll struggle even more. 

I live in the uk. I'm not sure what the rules here are about divorce. I'm very scared but I miss my life at the same time. 

I'm very confused. Don't know what to do.


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