# seeking guidance



## leadastray (Dec 4, 2012)

I am in a marriage that has been troubled extensively from about 6 months in. My Husband has recently told me that because of our lack of sex life at the time, that he, like any male, searched elsewhere. He did not have a sexual affair, although it was definitely an emotional one. I was 5 months pregnant with our daughter at the time, with extreme health issues. After that, he took out a credit card and hid it from me. then proceeded to rack it up. He has lied to me countless times about money. 
Since we had our son, 4 years ago, he has told me to leave countless times in the midst of an argument. The most recent time was Oct 25 when he got in my face and screamed at me to get the F out of his house (which is ours). We have only been married for 2 and a half years, and the last 2 years have been something of a nightmare. 
I am not sure how I feel anymore, nor am I sure if I will be able to trust in him or trust that he won't hurt me again. 
He has started counselling, but it seems the focus is on the marriage instead of him. 
Over the last month he is getting impatient with me for being distant and not "wifely".... I don't even know how to begin to heal myself....


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I am too damaged right now from my own situation to be independent but;

Even as a male with an abnormally high sex drive "like any male isn't an acceptable excuse to my mind. Maybe it was a factor but it is never an excuse?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm wondering what else he is lying about and hiding from you. If he will do all of that over money issues, he'll lie about other things as well. It's really no surprise that you are feeling disconnected. 

He's probably also lying to his individual counselor about why he is seeking help. I can't see how that is going to benefit anyone. Would this counselor also do a session with both of you?


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## leadastray (Dec 4, 2012)

827Aug said:


> I'm wondering what else he is lying about and hiding from you. If he will do all of that over money issues, he'll lie about other things as well. It's really no surprise that you are feeling disconnected.
> 
> He's probably also lying to his individual counselor about why he is seeking help. I can't see how that is going to benefit anyone. Would this counselor also do a session with both of you?


That was my next step to take. Problem is, the last two weeks he has been sooo grumpy over everything, so I'm just getting irritated with it all. 
There is a huge lack of support from him toward the family and myself. I know I am to blame also, as I have distanced myself so much and don't put forth the effort. But I was the only one trying until October.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I still wouldn't rule out infidelity. It would explain a lot about the need for lies, secret credit cards, irritability, and his apparent disconnect with you.


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## leadastray (Dec 4, 2012)

This was something that had occurred a year ago. He definitely had an emotional affair. It was on the brink of becoming more, but he got caught.... 
Basically, I am wondering if I have it in me to even go on with the marriage and trust him fully again.... It has been neverending over the last two years, and I really don't know anymore


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