# I need help



## dolph (Jun 28, 2012)

Hello, this is my first post and just looking for some advice and support. To set it up we have been married for 8 years, together 12, and have 2 boys together 6 and 18mos. About 3 and 1/2 years ago my wife reconnected with an old flame through facebook (i'm hating facebook). She said things were rough between us, which i didn't really see, and she started talking to this guy. Not too much happened there because after a few weeks, she found his picture on the megan's law website and that ended that very quickly. Even though this happened i feel the damage was already done.

After that i asked her about MC, and she said she wanted to go by herself first so she could start getting happy. Her doing that actually helped for a long time, as she did feel better and we started communicating better. Fast forward to a few days ago. Now i know that things haven't been great for some time, but she hits me with "this just isn't working anymore". She said she feels like we're roommates living in the house taking care of the kids. Now i know in the recent months she has been talking to her male best friend alot more (again, damn facebook). I know they have been friends a very long time and nothing has happened in the past, but recently i'm not so sure.

So we have been talking the past couple days and she's not sure what she wants to do. She said she just needs time apart for awhile to think about things. We discussed some options (tougher with the kids). I have asked her about going to MC now and she is hesitant because she's not sure the love is still there. I asked her to try and see what happens, because i would rather try and i didn't work than never try at all and regret it. Here's where its tricky, i wish we had enough money to have 2 places but we don't. We have a bi-level house so i told her that i would move downstairs for awhile while we work on things. The other option is that her male friend offered his house for her and the kids to stay to get away. I feel like i'm in a no win situation here because if i let her go up there (1 and 1/2 away) that i'm just driving her into another mans arms, and if i ask her to stay here she'll just resent me for being trapped here? Do i ask her to stay and work on things, or do i let her go without even trying?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You have no chance in MC as long as there are 3 people in your marriage. Its worthless.

Do not leave your house!!! Do not let her take your kids out of their home!!! She wants out she leaves. Let the OM support her. See a lawyer now. Tell her she is free to go. She cant take the kids.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

anchorwatch said:


> You have no chance in MC as long as there are 3 people in your marriage. Its worthless.


:iagree:

And why does she get to take the kids to another man's house to live?


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## dolph (Jun 28, 2012)

I asked her about her and her friend and she said that there is always feelings there but not the romantic kind. I still have a hard time believing that a man and woman can be best friends anyway. I don't know if she would ever really cut off ties with him even if i asked her too. She might temporarily while we worked on things, if we decided on that route.

as far as the kids, i'm still torn. I am and would be completely heart-broken to see them leave, but it might be for the better. I work 13 hour days 3-4 days a week, so if she was gone its hard leaving them with a stranger that long. she said she doesn't want to go anywhere without them, and would stay because of it, but who is that really helping as she would just hate me for it?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

dolph said:


> I asked her about her and her friend and she said that there is always feelings there but not the romantic kind. I still have a hard time believing that a man and woman can be best friends anyway. I don't know if she would ever really cut off ties with him even if i asked her too. She might temporarily while we worked on things, if we decided on that route.
> 
> I smell a HUGE load of BS here!
> 
> ...


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

She's in an EA (emotional affair). They are "Not Just Friends". This is an affair and some consider it worst than a physical one. You are letting her control the situation. You have made mistakes. You should have nipped it when she first had contact. You didn't have any boundaries with consequences in place. You are not familial with this. You will lose your family, if you don't educate your self quickly. Do not try to reason with her. You and the kids or him. Nothing else. She is in the fog. Be prepared for a fight, till it clears. 


Post in the copping with infidelity area. You will get some help with this type of thing. If your will to fight for your family. How much do you want this?

Here is a link from the leading expert on EA

Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"


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## dolph (Jun 28, 2012)

I am to the point where if she really is feeling no love than its ok to give her the space she wants and go. I just really don't know what to do with the kids? Like i said earlier, i would kill to have them here with me, but i just have no idea what to do when i'm at work? I don't really have any family that can watch them all the time. My thought was that at least they would be with both parents where while i'm working they could be with her, and when i'm off i will have them. is this a twisted way of thinking?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Their your kids too! If you could break up this EA and reconcile with her. You could have your family together. What do you have too lose? You at least tried to hold them together. I see your on CWI, Good luck, I wish your family well. 

Remember 50% of the marriage problems were yours, 100% of the affair is on her.


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## dolph (Jun 28, 2012)

I guess my mindset is that i'm trying to what is best for my kids rather than me. I'm not sure what the best situation is? i know i need to work on me too


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Yes.

Married Man Sex Life

not a sex book


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