# I'm not gonna lie.. I'm a little bored..



## cory275 (Aug 11, 2011)

Now I know my hubs is selfish.. and I knew that before I committed.. but sheesh.. this just seems downright lazy...

I would say our sex life is pretty great for him.. i dress up all the time ... I kiss his body all over which turns him on... i give him a bj until he either finishes or comes on top of me. and that's it.. every time. i get on top every now and then, but its not my favorite.. doggie is my favorite but not his favorite... so we compromise with him on top .. all the time.. we've only had sex twice not in a bed or on a couch. He's only kissed the outside of my V and its only after he's been out of town for a while. 

lots of time i feel like i do all the work and by the time he's on top he's 90% finsihed. come on!

before you suggest.. toys we've tried - weren't exciting for either of us. porn makes me uncomfortable.. he's had a creepy past with porn and sex chatting... masterbation also reminds me of his creepy past. 

my fantasy is doing it in public places... but its hard to find safe situations to do that.. so we never do it. once at the drive in... 

anybody know of any ways to add spice?


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## pianist87 (Apr 2, 2012)

I would tell him straight up that he's being selfish and it's not fair. Stop doing all of those wonderful things you do for him and see how he like no effort.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Sounds to me like you know plenty of ways to add spice. You could send my wife an email with some of your ideas!


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## cory275 (Aug 11, 2011)

i think his creepy porn habits are coming back to haunt me.. im pretty sure he does it after i go to work in the mornings on his phone... his internet history is magically erased on the occasions i use his phone... sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

is there a way to keep him more engaged in me? should i even bring up the porn thing yet again??


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Girl you don't need spice you need to train him. I'm thinking it could be you're too accepting of his lack luster attitude and are care taking too much. In other words I see a codependency streak where you're rewarding him with bjs and early ejaculation and letting him get away with taking more than he gives. Don't feel bad though it's quite common in marriage. 

Check out this book I found on thepiratebay...

Why Men Love B*tches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship, 6th Edition 

Haven't read it yet but it's on my list.

I'd also start getting him to wear a condom and benzocane sex gel to train him to last longer. If he does have a bad masturbation habit then it's possible he's retrained himself to ejaculate much quicker. Which is why you could try something like http://www.fleshlight.com/fleshligh...g-unit/handsfree-training-package-missionary/ or see if you can get him to start doing kegels.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

If my wife was 1/10th as interested in pleasing me as you are on your husband I would be on cloud nine.

IMO your issues have nothing to do with you not doing enough, he needs to show some drive himself. He needs to bring any additional sparks to the 4th of July that is your sex life.


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## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

This is not a good situation
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, I would stop doing everything and just cool my temp down because he's downright cold. And selfish.

But you know this going in, you said...so why'd you do it?


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

Unfortunately, that_girl is right. You were probably thinking that he would change after marriage; well, most people don't.

You have to be careful these days about sex in public...freaking video cams are everywhere and everybody has a camera on their phone so they can play George Lucas.

Outdoor sex~

You don't say whether you have kids or not but~

Set up a tent outdoors (backyard or wherever) and play with his stake.

In the car. In the RV. In the laundry room on top of the washer (spin cycle) In the shower. In the kitchen. On the table. On the porch swing during a thunderstorm. On the balcony. Rent a motel room for just a couple hours.

Drive to an empty lot or field after dark and park. At the regular movies. 

If he has no interest in helping you get creative and improve things, it's going to be tough.


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## cory275 (Aug 11, 2011)

Thanks for the suggestions guys... unfortunately the progress on the situation is not good. Yes I knew he's a little selfish, but that doesn't make him a bad person. It wasn't a deal breaker for me - just an anticipated frustration.. nobody's perfect. 

I called him today to try and talk and he accused me of treating him like a sex toy. I think at this point he's defensive and embarassed that he's not satisfying me. But my nanas havent been touched in 2 weeks. the last time we did anything was 2 bjs last week on vacation. im scared if i do get cold with him the porn thing will get even worse. slippery slope you guys... 

with all the crap this guy has put me thru.. a lil sumthin sumthin every now and then wouldnt kill him. 

i'm so glad a found this forum... my single friends just dont get it.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Wow, I should only wish my wife would treat me like a sex toy!

He maybe defensive, but he's completely in the wrong. He needs to give you first dibs before using porn or w/e else he's using for himself.

You have a right to be upset. IMO pull a 180 on him:
The Healing Heart: The 180


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

sigh, so many sexually mismatched couples in this world.


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## cory275 (Aug 11, 2011)

doesnt the 180 thing imply youre done? moving on? then why not just move on? but i've done a lot of those things on that list and they usually work... thanks yall


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

cory275 said:


> doesnt the 180 thing imply youre done? moving on? then why not just move on? but i've done a lot of those things on that list and they usually work... thanks yall


It doesn't have to be that way. You can simply say to yourself: I'm done chasing him/her, until they've learned to appreciate what they are getting it can wait.

Obviously you have to play it intelligently. I know with my wife, since there's about zero sex drive it just won't work as a whole (she won't hardly notice the sex is gone until months have gone by, and even then it's not a big deal for her). There are things in that list though that are good to get your SO's attention with. Sometimes that's all you need... to wake them up.

I had a neck injury once when I was younger and couldn't move my neck w/o it hurting really badly. I never realized how much I needed to twist my neck until then. It can be used in the relationship to get your SO to appreciate what they have in you while you work on yourself for a bit and recover emotionally.


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## Screenp2 (Dec 4, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> sigh, so many sexually mismatched couples in this world.


aint that the truth.. just like all the rest my wife is a cold fish and I'm a hot potato. 

IF the next one happens, I'll be sure to hash out the sex routines well before the 3rd date.


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