# Concerned about my kids



## Sufficiently Breathless (May 18, 2009)

I had a friend watch my kids for me so I could go talk to an attorney. While there, my daughter mentioned to my friend "daddy is leaving mommy". 

We have in no way discussed this in front of the children. And the kids, for what I know, have no clue about what is going on yet. 

Besides I am the one leaving, with the kids, to an apartment. Not that this is about who is leaving who and what for. I'm just wondering if my STBX didn't say something to our daughter, or if she senses what is going on? 

I'm also wondering how to have this talk with my kids, My daughter is 7 and my son is 4. How do I explain to them, and make it easy as posssible? How do I make sure they understand it isn't their fault, without telling them the whole nasty truth about what is going on? There are just some things children shouldn't know.... 

My daughter does know a little bit about daddy's problem, only because I caught him watching adult movies with her on his lap. So I flew off the handle when that happened, and chewed him out right in front of her. I have not left him alone with the children since, and sometimes my daughter will tell me "mommy I found a magazine in daddy's room" or "mommy daddy was watching a naughty movie on the computer".

I don't want my children to be hurt by what is going on.. I just need some advise on how to handle their questions, and how to understand that this has nothing to do with them or our love for them.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Seven is definitely old enough to perceive there are big problems. Protect them as best as you can. I get upset when I hubby even says the word "sex" in front of the kids. Children are little sponges. They understand a lot more than we realize.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Tell them that mommy and daddy loves them. Mommy is leaving daddy or you are divorcing. Then tell them, they will be able to see daddy and mommy, but they will be living with mommy. Tell them that this was mommy/daddy's decision and it was nothing that they did. Leave it simple without the details, unless they ask. 

The first question my 14 years old asked, in tears, was "where am I going to live?"


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

SB, I checked out the following book yesterday at my local library and I thought it was excellent although my kids are older:

Divorce Is Not the End of the World: Zoe's and Evan's Coping Guide for Kids by Zoe Stern and Evan Stern

The book is written by the kids so it gives great perspective from a child's view.


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

She more then like heard someone saying something, on the cell phone, or maybe even when you were asking your friend to watch them and twisted it to her understanding of what she thought was said. I wouldnt stress the why she said it too much.

You answer their questions HONESTLY but "G" rated. or age appropriate. You dont have to offer any information or go into great details, you definately dont have to say it is anyones fault or try to explain the reasons right now. Just answer her questions, ask her if she has more questions and let her know that you will always be available for any questions she ever has {and then do so}. 

you will be surprised what the questions will be, and they will not be anything you are trying to rehearse for anyhow. 

i am saying this from previous experiences, not from a divorce but i had my first child when i was 18, did not marry and when she was 5, i was so scared of what she would think when she went to school {fathers going to school and kids talking about the daddy}. Sure enough questions were being ask, i tried to prepare myself with a big long detailed reason why me and her father did not get married but that we did love each other when she was made and where is was and so forth. The first question was "Do i have a father?" I answered her "yes you do" and braced myself. And she said OK and walked off. i did happen to get in the well, come to me and ask me anything if you want, i promise to answer you as she skipped away. thoughout the years {she is now 23} as she got older she always came up and asked one or two questions about her father, and i also answered as honestly as i could without going into great detail and of course age appropriate {so i didnt explain the birds and the bees when she was 7, just said your daddy put you in my tummy.} later i explained in more detail as she got older and as the questions got more advance. As hard and uncomfortable as it was for me, she has now told me she appreciated the fact that when ever she had questions she knew she could just walk up and ask me. she also said she appreciated that i never lied to her.


I give you kudos for worrying about your daughter {Plus keeping them from a man who sees nothing wrong with watching adult movies with the child on his lap; i dont even let my kids watch a lot of tv shows (or spongebob: too stupid) because of the cussing or butt shots, i cant believe he could or would watch something in front of your daughter} So Good For YOU!!!! I think you will find the answers, just keep an open mind, and be available for communications with her. Good luck to you.

{just another word of advice: no matter what a scumbucket your husband might be, dont bad mouth him in front of the children. not even on the phone with your kids in another room, it makes the child feel bad and they dont fully understand until the get older. Believe me, when they are old enough to understand, they will make their own opinions of him without resenting you for past issues.}


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

> My daughter does know a little bit about daddy's problem, only because I caught him watching adult movies with her on his lap.


He's abusing her. Get out of there NOW!!!!!

I'm not usually an alarmist, but seriously, you have at least considered it, right?

(((((hugs)))))


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