# Should I stay in marriage or move on? Please help!



## rwun2014 (Jul 28, 2014)

Sorry about the long story…

Hi

I am 29 years old man. Have been married since past 5 years now. I want to discuss and seek help from you on my marital situation and what should I do. I and my wife had an love marriage( met in college). 4 years of love affair and we were married at the age of 24. My wife is the only child and her father was Judge in judiciary. My father was Senior Architect in Govt job. Both of us hail from the same home town. Both of our mothers are house wife. I have two sisters married in the same place, close to where my parents stay. My wife is extremely pampered child, and her parents to this date , listens to everything she says.

The problem I face is two-fold:

1.	My wife wants her parents to move with us.
2.	And I feel she wants cut-off from my parents, extended family and friends( pre-marriage close friends, almost no one remains close now). 
3.	She says I have to do to her parents three time what I do to my parents, because she is the only child and my parents have three children. And when I ask to return her something good to my parents, she says that I shouldn’t compare/expect in return because she doesn’t like my parents and that they have never done anything good to me or her(which I disagree).
4.	She abuses me , physically , emotionally and verbally.
5.	My wife considers herself a victim

Frankly speaking, on point 1, I don’t mind her parents staying close to us and we taking care of them. I do understand she is the lone child and we are the only ones to take care of them. But I don’t appreciate them staying with us because her father is very adamant & dogmatic(being in that position as a judge) , her mother always supports her daughter no matter what(being a single child), and I have to behave in a certain way when they are around. And also I have a fear that if they come to stay with me, the distance between me and my parents will increase.

For second point, the reason is that she doesn’t let me do anything for my parents. She checks my phone on how many times I have called them, questions me why did you call them twice today. And keeps telling me that I shouldn’t talk to them much. Also we have fights on smaller of issues like why did you tell them what we ate, or where we went(not that I tell everything, just sometimes you do things out of subconscious mind). She tells me that they will be sad/jealous to know that we are happy. But she tells her parents everything, they talk atleast 6 times in a day, right from what she ate to what she wore to what I did… We have argument on these things and she brings everything from the past(Day 1 of marriage) and if I say anything like, your mother also said like this, then she goes violent and starts throwing & breaking objects around and hitting me. She can’t tolerate me saying anything about them, (not offensive, even if I say like…” so what your parents also come to stay with us”) . She even doesn’t like my sisters/their husbands or anyone for that matter in my extended family. And we also fight whenever I talk to my sisters/brother in law’s or if I request her to wish them on their birthdays . During fights, she breaks thing that are important to me , she never breaks her stuff. All my stuff or things that impact me or are neutral to house ( example, my watch, landline phone(I take calls from home), router, Iron, cooler, glasses, plates, viper, mosquito killer….) have been broken.

My wife thinks she has been married in a poor house, although I earn good and we use my salary to run the house and we are not poor, although her dad was/is in a powerful position. We have two cars(one dedicated for each person) , and have a flat booked for which possession is delayed, hence we stay in rented accommodation in one of best locations. She keeps her salary with herself and is now planning to take a flat with her father.

My father contributed 50 percent for the flat and the property is registered against my and my wife’s name. My wife also contributed 15 percent for flat from her onsite salary post marriage( we were both onsite for 1 year), rest she has kept with her. She hates my parents, doesn’t like my parents coming to my place, whenever we go to our native, she always stays at her parents place and I stay half time at each place. She goes to meet my parents once or twice and even then most of the time she complains/fights.

The situation was not like this from Day 1 of marriage and had gone worse. She used to go to my place earlier, but gradually with time , owing to various factors, not sure what exactly but I think- like her salary has increased, & I don’t do vice-versa with her parents, I believe she is changing for worse. And I think, not sure pls correct me, she thinks that there isn’t anything to lose if she misbehave with my parents.

My parents have not come to visit me since last one year , because the last time they were around for 15 days , my wife abused and threatened them and they left the home uninformed, took a train and went back. They are very worried that if they come, we will again fight. On the other hand, her parents have come to my place 4 times in last one year, each for 15 days and I had travelled outstation for 5 weeks, my wife was with them(at my native place). Almost this year from Jan, they have been together with her for 5 months. His father now retires from a commission meant for retired judges, and she wants them to permanently move with us, and they also want the same.

The problem with my parents is that they don’t have good manners and they are economical in spending money. My wife on the other hand is extravagant. If my parents get tired, they would say we are tired and we cannot go or cannot cook . They don’t like buying and giving expensive gifts. They are old and worry about their health. All this doesn’t go well with my wife and she thinks that they are miser, selfish, and don’t think about anyone else.

I & my parents wanted to stay close to me post marriage but things have changed and hence I realised that this cannot be the case anymore and dropped the idea. I & my wife had fights related to this as well. Ex. She said if they will contribute for flat , they can stay with us, but after we took money from them , she changed.

Another problem is that my wife considers herself a victim in this case and cries a lot. So when she breaks things or hits me, she cries. But her frustration is growing up day by day and she is not ready to leave past thoughts behind. I have also proposed her that if you don’t like my family, have a hello hi relationship and let me do my duties accordingly but she doesn’t let me do that. She talks to my parents once in a week for 2 mins, and I talk to her parents 2ce daily. She wants me to focus on her and her parents and leave my parents, extended family out of my life because she thinks they haven’t done anything good to her. She threatens me of divorce a lot.

I still love my wife a lot, and don’t want to do any harm to her or her parents but am not sure whether it makes sense to continue this marriage or dissolve this before we have a baby. Not sure if situation will ever improve or what can I do to improve situation. I want to end frustrations for both of us and live happily. I left eating non veg 2 years back because I thought killing and eating someone is a sin and might be impacting my relation. But that hasn’t helped and God has not been kind. 

There are so many other things I want to say but this is getting long so I will leave it here…Please please please let me know if I can do anything that can change the situation. Help! Help! Help! God will bless you..


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Move on. Physical abuse should not be tolerated regardless of gender. I very seldom recommend divorce, I actually think it is given as advice way to frequently on TAM, but nobody should have to live with physical abuse.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I suggest that the next time she physically abuses you, you call 911 and make sure this gets documented. It will help with your separation and divorce.


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## rwun2014 (Jul 28, 2014)

Thanks committed4ever & Married but Happy. Do you think is there any way by which my marriage can work? And should do I need to be tough on her or should I ignore what she says?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

You can't change her. 

She sounds selfish and spoiled and abusive. So you have two choices:

1. Stay and adapt....and give up any sense of self, any relationship that matters to you, and have children who will never respect you because she will raise them that way. For ever.

2. Divorce. Go on with your life and build relationships built on maturity, love and respect.


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## rwun2014 (Jul 28, 2014)

Thanks SunnyT. I also seem to agree that this is how my life may be if I stay...but I want to try out everything for my marriage to work before taking the path of divorce.

Thanks for your suggestion.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You can try to change things, but that may only speed up a divorce - either way, you win.

You should decide what is needed to make this marriage fair for you both. She wants things that harm your rights and well-being, and you need to assert your position and then act on it with or without her agreement. TELL her that you see the current situation as unfair and unreasonable, and that you will be doing certain things and NOT doing others, and that if she wants you to do certain things for her and her family, you expect her to do the same things for your benefit and happiness. In other words, set clear boundaries and expectations, and call her on any variance.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Then tell her that marriage counseling is mandatory or you will leave. You have nothing to lose at this point. 

But if you want to try to repair this broken sham of a marriage, then you HAVE to talk to her openly and forcefully. 

Book an appointment with a marriage counselor, then approach her and tell her that you would like her to join you so that "we, as a team can build a better, more solid marriage". Make it about the marriage. 

Go to the appointment whether she goes or not. Do not take any excuses. 

If she refuses to go, then it seems that she isn't willing to try to make the relationship better. In that case, you DID try and you move out. Sometimes, the moving out/separation wakes up the other person to what they are missing, or where they went wrong, or at least to the willingness to TRY to repair the relationship rather than lose it. 

Soooooooooo..... either she meets you half way with counseling, or you walk away having tried.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

I agree with Married and Sunny, especially regarding a trial separation. That might wake her up or it might show you that she doesnt care about the marriage at all. So it won't hurt to try it that way.

One thing though: PLEASE DO NOT HAVE ANY KIDS YET!!!


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## rwun2014 (Jul 28, 2014)

Thanks SunnyT and committed4ever. I plan to go to a counceller, I did ask her but she has always refused. I will now alone go to a counceller this time if she doesn't join. She prefers her parents to be the counceller and tells them everything & cries in front of them. Her parents come back with the same answer to me, I have ruined her life and I feel ashamed/bad even when I always want to see her happy. I know how a father feels when her daughter cries.

I sometimes feel that maybe if I would have handled things differently earlier, things would have been different. Not sure if I could have done anything else to save our marriage. We were married at a young age. But I know I did everything to save my marriage but now am very tired & frustrated.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

How will her parents react to you when they move in? If they berate you now, proximity will only make it worse.

At some point, infedility, emotional cruelty or physical abuse by your spouse tells you to NOT do everything to save your marriage. And she is doing 2 of the 3.


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## rwun2014 (Jul 28, 2014)

Thanks naiveonedave . That is one of the reason I dont want her parents to move in with us. I get cornered and feel left out. And incase of any argument, I am blamed from three corners. Her father tries to sort out things but only till she cries, and one she cries, I get all the hatred and lectures from both!

Whenever they come here, I spend my days either entertaining her parents or going to the places where my wife wants to take them. Even taking leave from office.. Still I dont even get her concern for my parents/family. 

And she tells me that I am blind and cannot see her and her parents love for me!

That is the reason I asked this forum, to check whether I am not able to see something I should be or what I feel is correct!


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Oh ya.... do NOT let her parents move in!


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

You both need to grow up. Neither one of you are ready to sit down and communicate through your problems. I'd suggest counseling but I feel that's just a big waste of time for the counselor to listen to you two drivel on.

You're both married now. Leave all the mommies and daddies drama out of it.


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## ajheart (Jul 28, 2014)

rwun2014 said:


> Thanks committed4ever & Married but Happy. Do you think is there any way by which my marriage can work? And should do I need to be tough on her or should I ignore what she says?


This is a tough situation. Are you of an Asian ethnic origin? It's hard to ask for advice from people who might not understand cultural importance. If this is not the case, then my suggestion would be to give her an ultimatum.

Sit down with her and lay out your case. Suggest counseling, otherwise a trial separation. Hold her hand while you do this. It's important that she first understand that you're doing this for the both of you, and not for selfish reasons.


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## rwun2014 (Jul 28, 2014)

Revamped said:


> You both need to grow up. Neither one of you are ready to sit down and communicate through your problems. I'd suggest counseling but I feel that's just a big waste of time for the counselor to listen to you two drivel on.
> 
> You're both married now. Leave all the mommies and daddies drama out of it.


Thanks Revamped. I have tried communicating through our problem lot of times. But everytime whenever I am half way through she gets hyper and gets into crying, breaking things, hitting me. The moment I bring her parents in the discussion, just to say that look I do so much for you and I expect something in return, the communication breaks.

I am happy to leave my parents out, but she isn't. That is the reason my parents have not visited us for over a year now. She tells me she is the only daughter, so I can leave her if I cannot let her parents here and take care of them.

Please tell me what should I do to behave in a mature/grown up manner. If I leave my parents/family out, and accept all what she says, is it right and will it help?


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## rwun2014 (Jul 28, 2014)

ajheart said:


> This is a tough situation. Are you of an Asian ethnic origin? It's hard to ask for advice from people who might not understand cultural importance. If this is not the case, then my suggestion would be to give her an ultimatum.
> 
> Sit down with her and lay out your case. Suggest counseling, otherwise a trial separation. Hold her hand while you do this. It's important that she first understand that you're doing this for the both of you, and not for selfish reasons.


Yes, ajheart I am an Indian.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your wife is abusive. She's verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. The things she does, like her cutting you off from your friends and family is something that abusers do. They work to isolate their victim. This gives her control. Eventually, if you continue to let her isolate you, you will have no support system. Once she has accomplished that, the abuse will get much worse than it is right now. 

You bought up something very interesting about abusive people, especially violent ones. And have no doubt, your wife is a violent woman. Abusers often throw and break things. The message is that next time it just might be you that that she hits, throws and abuses physically. Now when a person is doing this they appear to be completely out of control. But you noted that she only breaks your things and natural things. You see this is because she's not out of control at all. She knows exactly what she's doing. The entire fit is a huge how meant to intimidate you. When she does that think of the way a gorilla acts when it is trying to intimidate another gorilla.. they will make lots of noises, pound on their chest, throw/break things and if they can they will start hitting the other gorilla. 

This I a typical intimidation "dance". That's what your wife is doing. She probably learned it from one or both of her parents. This is probably what went on in her home when she was growing up.

A marriage cannot be fixed as long as there is abuse going on. You cannot fix her. You cannot convince her to change. And to make it worse, her parents are right there with her.

Just let you know that it's no ok if a woman does this... it's just as bad as when a man does it. I know of one woman who was like your wife. And then one day she picked put the land line phone and hit her husband in the head with it. She killed him. It was not her intent. But she killed him and is in prison for it now. She was a lot smaller than he, but all she needed was a phone to kill him. Your wife's emotional/verbal abuse are bad. Her physical abuse are a total, complete deal breaker.

Do some research on domestic abuse, domestic violence, the "cycle of abuse". There is a lot of info on the internet about this.

Whenever there is any kind of physical the only responsible thing to advise a person is that they leave the marriage. No counselor or therapist who knows their stuff will advise you to stay with her. 

You need to leave your wife and divorce her. Get away from her before she completely destroys you, your parents and your extended family. Get away from her parents as well before they move in with you or move close to you because once they do they will act like a team against you.


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## rwun2014 (Jul 28, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Your wife is abusive. She's verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. The things she does, like her cutting you off from your friends and family is something that abusers do. They work to isolate their victim. This gives her control. Eventually, if you continue to let her isolate you, you will have no support system. Once she has accomplished that, the abuse will get much worse than it is right now.
> 
> You bought up something very interesting about abusive people, especially violent ones. And have no doubt, your wife is a violent woman. Abusers often throw and break things. The message is that next time it just might be you that that she hits, throws and abuses physically. Now when a person is doing this they appear to be completely out of control. But you noted that she only breaks your things and natural things. You see this is because she's not out of control at all. She knows exactly what she's doing. The entire fit is a huge how meant to intimidate you. When she does that think of the way a gorilla acts when it is trying to intimidate another gorilla.. they will make lots of noises, pound on their chest, throw/break things and if they can they will start hitting the other gorilla.
> 
> ...


Thanks EleGirl for your detailed reply. Appreciate it. 

She was not like this from Day 1. I agree she tries to intimidate me. Day by day she is moving further voilent. When I spoke to her parents on this initially looking for help, they said, let her do break things, things can be brought again. 

She now pulls my ear, hair, slaps me, punches me hard and even bites me.

Her mother then once told me that I & my family have frustrated her so much that she does all this. And I am to blame.

I think lot of it is related to her upbringing. Being alone child of a judge, whatever she wanted, she got. And she never made adjustment/compromise. And she had people coming and doing things for her parents and her dad, beacuse of her dad's position. To date, her parents don't realise this and do everything for her they can to meet her legal and illegal demands and pushes me to do the same. This impacts me and my relation. She tells me that her parents did eveything for her and I cannot. 

To be very honest, I have tried doing everything to keep her and her parents happy thinking this might help our relation and she might try to accept me and my family. But it hasn't worked and the situation is getting worse. 

I just think sometimes that with time , it may happen that she grows up and realises that marriage is a two way relationship. She always tell me I proposed her, she could have got a better person than me , than why should she do anything for me or my parents.

She also says me that she would have seperated from me by now, but she is not doing this because of her father. He will feel sad about her daughter divorcing.

I will speak with a counceller F2F, and then might do a trial seperation before actual divorce. Don't know why but my heart still says, hold on , things will change for better. But my head says, she is isolating you and wants you to leave everything behind and act as a slave to her and her parents.

Thanks again for your time & detailed reply. I will also check domestic abuse , and cycle of abuse over the net.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

rwun2014 said:


> Thanks EleGirl for your detailed reply. Appreciate it.
> 
> She was not like this from Day 1. I agree she tries to intimidate me. Day by day she is moving further voilent. When I spoke to her parents on this initially looking for help, they said, let her do break things, things can be brought again.
> 
> She now pulls my ear, hair, slaps me, punches me hard and even bites me.


Yep her parents are a large part of the problem.

Her mother then once told me that I & my family have frustrated her so much that she does all this. And I am to blame. [/QUOTE]
Yep her parents are a large part of the problem. You do know that you and your parents are not to blame. There is no excuse in the world that justifies her treating you like this.



rwun2014 said:


> I think lot of it is related to her upbringing. Being alone child of a judge, whatever she wanted, she got. And she never made adjustment/compromise. And she had people coming and doing things for her parents and her dad, beacuse of her dad's position. To date, her parents don't realise this and do everything for her they can to meet her legal and illegal demands and pushes me to do the same. This impacts me and my relation. She tells me that her parents did eveything for her and I cannot.


What are her illegal demands if you don’t mind me asking? Please do not let them get you sucked into illegal activities that could destroy your life.


rwun2014 said:


> To be very honest, I have tried doing everything to keep her and her parents happy thinking this might help our relation and she might try to accept me and my family. But it hasn't worked and the situation is getting worse.


Yep, in doing this you have actually been enabling her and her parent’s bad behavior.


rwun2014 said:


> I just think sometimes that with time , it may happen that she grows up and realises that marriage is a two way relationship.


No this is not how it works. You really need to do some serious reading about abuse. It gets worse over time, not better. A few, very few, abusers will unlearn the behavior with years of counseling and anger management classes/counseling. But like with any problematic behavior, they have to want to make the change in order for it to happen.



rwun2014 said:


> She always tell me I proposed her, she could have got a better person than me , than why should she do anything for me or my parents.


That’s what is called emotional abuse. She’s tearing you town to try to make herself feel better. And the more she makes you feel like you are not worthy of her, the more she hopes she can control you. Please do not believe this nonsense. You sound like a very good man.



rwun2014 said:


> She also says me that she would have seperated from me by now, but she is not doing this because of her father. He will feel sad about her daughter divorcing.


The best thing that could happen to her, her father and her mother is for you to divorce her. That way they will learn that they cannot treat people the way they treat you. Do they have house help in India? I can only imagine how they mistreat any help they have. The way they are treating you is just evil.


rwun2014 said:


> I will speak with a counceller F2F, and then might do a trial seperation before actual divorce. Don't know why but my heart still says, hold on , things will change for better. But my head says, she is isolating you and wants you to leave everything behind and act as a slave to her and her parents.


Listen to your head. If you need a separation to move you towards leaving her then do it. That is how your head takes care of your heart. Also make a to do list of all the things you need to do to move towards divorce. Everything from talking to the counselor, seeing an attorney/solicitor, getting your finances separated and in order, and on and on. Then just work the list. One item at a time. This way you only need to look at one small thing to do at a time instead of facing the big DIVORCE all at once. One day you will have worked your list and you will be a free man. Then you will be a wiser man and can find a woman who can love you and you can love her.



rwun2014 said:


> Thanks again for your time & detailed reply. I will also check domestic abuse , and cycle of abuse over the net.


Good….


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## rwun2014 (Jul 28, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Yep her parents are a large part of the problem.
> 
> 
> What are her illegal demands if you don’t mind me asking? Please do not let them get you sucked into illegal activities that could destroy your life.


Not literally but like, we wanted to buy another flat from the savings she had(in these 5 years of marriage because I spend my salary on house hold expenditures and she saves), and she wants it to be only in her name, or on her and her fathers name. She wants to exclude my name because she says I may give it to my parents & sisters!

And things like, her dad's medical is free. So for preventive tests & diagnosis, she took them to 6 hospitals, to take different opinions. Her dad knows it is not right and this will only confuse him, but he agrees to whatever she says. 

And from what to cook, what to eat, where to go , everything is on her wish. And they support her.

She isn't into anything illegal like drugs or anything else..



> The best thing that could happen to her, her father and her mother is for you to divorce her. That way they will learn that they cannot treat people the way they treat you. Do they have house help in India? I can only imagine how they mistreat any help they have. The way they are treating you is just evil.


They treat there domestice help well in terms of giving food etc except that they say that domestic help are very unhygenic and should not eat/drink/sit at the same level. Some discrimination.



> Listen to your head. If you need a separation to move you towards leaving her then do it. That is how your head takes care of your heart. Also make a to do list of all the things you need to do to move towards divorce. Everything from talking to the counselor, seeing an attorney/solicitor, getting your finances separated and in order, and on and on. Then just work the list. One item at a time. This way you only need to look at one small thing to do at a time instead of facing the big DIVORCE all at once. One day you will have worked your list and you will be a free man. Then you will be a wiser man and can find a woman who can love you and you can love her.


Thanks again for your reply. Yes I think I need to sit and plan, other point is that she says that she will put me and my family behind bars , destroy us, will call my relatives and tell them bad things and because her father is a judge, she will use his influential position. 

But as you said, it will need to be well thought of so that it doesn't hurt me and my family incase she takes the wrong path of filing wrong complaints against me. People always have sympathy towards women, and generally it is men who don't treat them nicely and because of this there are already lot of laws in India that can work again men on mere verbal complaint of women.

Thanks for your help & time. It feels a lot better!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

rwun2014 said:


> Not literally but like, we wanted to buy another flat from the savings she had(in these 5 years of marriage because I spend my salary on house hold expenditures and she saves), and she wants it to be only in her name, or on her and her fathers name. She wants to exclude my name because she says I may give it to my parents & sisters!


Where do you live? Since I don’t know the laws where you live I’ll use the laws were I live as an example.

In many states in the USA, it does not matter if she puts that flat in her name, you still own half of it. If you can prove that she used martial funds to buy it and then put her father’s name on it, then you can ask the court to view the house as ½ yours, ¼ hers and ¼ his. You need to see a lawyer/solicitor. 


rwun2014 said:


> Thanks again for your reply. Yes I think I need to sit and plan, other point is that she says that she will put me and my family behind bars , destroy us, will call my relatives and tell them bad things and because her father is a judge, she will use his influential position.


How can she put you all behind bars? Do you live in a place that is very corrupt? Do you live in the place where he used to be a judge? Call your relatives ahead of time and let them know that she will be on a hate campaign. One thing that you might want to do is to start recording her angry outbursts. You can a VAR (voice activated recorder) for this. You can either have it on you where she cannot see it or have it in hidden in the room where the fighting usually occurs. 

If I were you I would even get a hidden video camera to record her throwing things and breaking things. Just make sure that when you are making these recordings.

But two things; make sure that you do not yell/scream or otherwise misbehave while being recorded. All you need to do is to ask her to please stop it.

Also check the laws where you live about making recordings. For example where I live we have what is called a one person consent law. In order to legally record/video a conversation at least one person has to consent to the recording/videotaping. So if you are recoding a conversation that you’re in… you consent so it’s legal. Some places have a two party consent law which means that all people have to consent. But even two party consent states will often allow a recording without all parties agreeing. 



rwun2014 said:


> But as you said, it will need to be well thought of so that it doesn't hurt me and my family in case she takes the wrong path of filing wrong complaints against me. People always have sympathy towards women, and generally it is men who don't treat them nicely and because of this there are already lot of laws in India that can work again men on mere verbal complaint of women.


This is why you need to get evidence that will back up that you are not the bad guy here.
See a solicitor to see how you can plan this in a way that keeps you safe.

If your wife wants to move out to the flat that she bought, let her. Get away from her in any way you can.


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## rwun2014 (Jul 28, 2014)

> Where do you live? Since I don’t know the laws where you live I’ll use the laws were I live as an example.
> 
> In many states in the USA, it does not matter if she puts that flat in her name, you still own half of it. If you can prove that she used martial funds to buy it and then put her father’s name on it, then you can ask the court to view the house as ½ yours, ¼ hers and ¼ his. You need to see a lawyer/solicitor.


I live in India and there are no laws to protect husbands unfortunately. And there have been cases where wife has misused law.



> How can she put you all behind bars? Do you live in a place that is very corrupt? Do you live in the place where he used to be a judge? Call your relatives ahead of time and let them know that she will be on a hate campaign. One thing that you might want to do is to start recording her angry outbursts. You can a VAR (voice activated recorder) for this. You can either have it on you where she cannot see it or have it in hidden in the room where the fighting usually occurs.


Yes , things can be corrupt and influenced here. I will give call to my relative if the need arrives. And I will do some evidence recording to prove my innocence just incase the matter gets worse.



> If your wife wants to move out to the flat that she bought, let her. Get away from her in any way you can.


She hasn't bought anything yet. I have booked a flat(pre marriage) which is registered to both our name and the possession in delayed( the builder has ran out of funds), for which my dad gave 50 percent of money . We stay in a rented accomodation.


> This is why you need to get evidence that will back up that you are not the bad guy here.
> See a solicitor to see how you can plan this in a way that keeps you safe.


Thanks, will check with solicitor. Thanks again for your help and response.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

tell her parents they are not welcome in YOUR house. end of story.


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

You really should not stay in this marriage.

Please get away from her. The abuse will get worse. As someone who was married to an abusive, controlling, manipulating person, I can tell you with confidence that she will only bring you more harm.

My ex husband almost killed me once. I get sick thinking that I was too weak to get out before I let it go that far. Your wife is showing similar behaviors to what he was doing to me. He never wanted me to visit my family, always had a problem with my friends. He ruined all my relationships.

If you want to have a good life, it won't be with this woman.


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## rwun2014 (Jul 28, 2014)

inquizitivemind said:


> You really should not stay in this marriage.
> 
> Please get away from her. The abuse will get worse. As someone who was married to an abusive, controlling, manipulating person, I can tell you with confidence that she will only bring you more harm.
> 
> ...


You are right, I sometimes think how will I handle divorce and get weak. Like everyone I too had dreamt of a happy family life, giving love to my wife, kids, parents, everyone to the extent I can..

But the fear of going through divorce and thinking to live without someone you love is so difficult for me. She knows that I love her and dont want to end this relaton. That works against me.

But I need to be strong and tough...Sometimes its hard to change destiny!

Thanks for your note.


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