# Husband is pushing to start divorce papers but I'm broke and not ready...



## loveSprite (Jan 5, 2015)

My ex is pushing me HARD to start the divorce process. I've let him know that though initially I pleaded with him to keep the family together while he kept refusing to do so, I DON'T want the marriage anymore either and that I'm not trying to stay married to him. But I don't want to start the divorce proceedings right now because of three things:

-I am unemployed
-I am extremely low on money
-I am going to school

Why don't I have a job? It's because I'm in CA, and am going to school under their unemployment Training Benefits program. I've been waiting for unemployment to give me an extension so I can focus on school full time, but I got fired from my last part time job so it lengthened the approval or denial process even longer. I'm actually looking for work right now, but I still have all sorts of problems at once. He only gives me the bare minimum for our shared bills every month, and he just started to refuse to give me any extra money now that he's gotten legal advice not to do so.

So I've told him I Needed time to sort this out, but he's refusing to back down and put this off for at least another six months. He has been bugging me to finish up a divorce settlement sheet so we can just agree and settle out of court, but I just can't rush this in the month he's given me! Now he's frustrated that I haven't finished and gotten the information I needed ASAP. So now he's only giving me a few days before he starts the process of filing in court. He's also getting UGLY and saying that if he has to file in court he won't agree to ANY spousal support. (BTW, I won't get alimony and he knows that because I always made more when I was working full time) He'll only agree to spousal support if we settle outside of court, but of course he's giving me no more time for that unless I agree to terms NOW. 

There's no tax benefit to start this now either, and we won't be considered married for 10 years since we separated when we were at 9.5 years of marriage. Plus I can't afford any full time professional help because I'm broke, and he knows that but of course doesn't care. 

I know he has a girlfriend and am 90% sure he's probably is pushing because of her...of course he won't tell me anything, and of course I don't care to know - heck I got tired of waiting for him to come around and I got me a boyfriend myself!  Anyways all emotions aside, is there ANY way I can stop him? Now he's giving me only a few days before he starts to contact the courts and forcing the divorce to start. Do I have ANY OPTIONS to stop him?

Or does anyone experienced in this on the forum know WHY he might be doing this, and what I need to look out for? 

Thanks a million in advance if anyone can help.


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## Scotty0310 (Apr 1, 2014)

I hate to be the bad side of this but, I’m in a very similar spot. I’m the husband starting to push my wife out and she also has nothing, but she’s also not DOING anything, except mooching off me. My only advice to you is to put a pause on school, and start working, work ANYWHERE. Start the proceedings with him and get out while you can. 

I don’t have a GF, I’ve actually been trying to work things out with my wife for now over two years. Nothing has worked, and in that time she has done nothing but mooch off me and continue to prolong the situation. Mostly because I’m stationed in the UK and she wants to stay here, if I kick her out, her Visa is void and she has to move back to CA. I can tell you the fact he has to fit the bill for everything is weighing on his mind. That could be a factor, wither or not he has a GF is beside the point. 

Also the fact You have one might not go well in your favor. My wife and I are both from Cali, and when I was reading the rules on separations, I thought I read somewhere that seeing someone while you’re still “married” is a no no. I could be mistaken has it has been a while since I read it, and I didn’t care that much because I never intended to meet someone new.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you spoken to any lawyers about all this?

In CA, you can get spousal support if you are unemployed until the divorce is final. It's called interim spousal support. It does not matter that you used to make more. What matters is your current situation. Spousal support after marriage is a different issue.. you might be able to get the spousal support for up to half the length of your marriage.

You can also ask the court to use marital assets/income to pay your legal fees. Depending on how much your husband has access to.. . it might mean that he'd be paying your fees.

If you live in the LA area, there is a non-profit legal group that could help you. They are low fee. PM me if you are interested in their name.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Have you spoken to any lawyers about all this?
> 
> In CA, you can get spousal support if you are unemployed until the divorce is final. It's called interim spousal support. It does not matter that you used to make more. What matters is your current situation. Spousal support after marriage is a different issue.. you might be able to get the spousal support for up to half the length of your marriage.
> 
> ...



ehhhhh... I'm not up on CA but in NY that wouldn't fly. She's pretty well admitted that she's, to a degree, voluntarily underemployed to reap the state school benefits. In NY the other party could at least pursue minimum wage x 40 hrs for imputed income, minimum, to use in the state formulas. If she holds a license or other professional certificate there may be leverage to impute at a higher level. 

It sounds as though he is paying a form of interim support though. OP said he's paying her minimum monthly bills.


A quick look and I see a person who separated around January. Had a warning shot in June, and still wants more time for her benefit. 

Legalities aside. Cause of the disruption aside. If you tell someone you want them out. They ask for a final solution after 6 months. I think that in the start of the 11th month,it's not asking too much to move forward with your original request of a divorce so everyone can move on.


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