# Don't Know If I Can Handle Not Having Sex Anymore :(



## confusedandneedadvice (Apr 29, 2011)

In April my husband and I only had sexual activity 4 times in which I have to start and finish. When we do have sex it is amazing. I have asked him what he finds in me attractive and he couldn't answer me. When he didn't answer me it hurt so much that I got out of bed and dressed and had to go for a walk. I couldn't even stand him. 

He can tell me how beautiful and give all kinds of compliments about my friends but can't say (1) thing about me. Now that really hurts and when I reply back he just says "I was only joking". I can go and get my hair dyed and there has been times where a week has gone by that he didn't notice till somebody said something in front of him. 

A couple of weeks ago I asked him what time of day did he enjoy having sex. He told me the evenings. I almost had to laugh out loud on that remark. I go and try and and sometimes have to beg to have sex. He always uses the excuse that he is "TIRED" or "MY BACK HURTS". It has been that I go to bed before he does because I hate having the rejection of me wanting to have sex. It doesn't seem to bother him at all.

This month we have had sex 2 times. The last time it felt like no connection or intimacy. I have been sleeping on the couch or with my kids just so I don't feel unwanted. But when I don't sleep with him he ask what is wrong and why I didn't sleep in the bed. I just keep telling him that he was snoring to loud. 

I am just at the point that I am tired of getting hurt and not being noticed. I can't remember the last time where he came home from work and walked up to me and cupped my face and gave me a kiss. I miss that so much  that just me typing it is making me cry. Which I have been doing a lot of. I love him so much that it is tearing me up in the inside and lost. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to be loved again by my high school love. I need some advice please


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Stop lieing to him about why you're not sleeping in the bed with him. Until you start being honest with him about your feelings and desires, things won't change. Yes, the conversations might be uncomfortable and even painful. But less so than the conversation that starts with "I want a divorce..."

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

PBear said:


> Stop lieing to him about why you're not sleeping in the bed with him. Until you start being honest with him about your feelings and desires, things won't change. Yes, the conversations might be uncomfortable and even painful. But less so than the conversation that starts with "I want a divorce..."
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: gotta be honest, and he with you.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

So talk to the guy already! Such an easy answer. Why be married if you're not willing to communicate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ladypomegranate (May 15, 2011)

I know it seems hard to be open and have this conversation with your husband, but I think you will find that once you do a huge weight will be lifted off you. I've had similar problems with my husband and let myself stew about it. When I finally cracked and opened up to him he told me "he just hadn't really been thinking about having sex." He's a man so that's strange but basically some men just don't have a high drive. And if they are tired and worn out then sex is way down on their list of priorities.

If it seems like the rest of your life with your husband is in a rut, then you might also discuss trying to do more things together alone- go on dates and the like. Try to get back some of the feelings you had for each other when you first met.

And honestly, this may be a conversation you have to have often with your husband. I know I've had to. Men are so forgetful it seems like. You have the talk and things get better and then a few months later you're right back where you started and have to do it again. It's difficult and unfair that we women sometimes seem like we're doing all the work in a relationship, but that's just how it works. We often perceive a problem where our spouse doesn't and if we want to fix it we've got to do it ourselves.

I hope this helps. Just don't let it bottle up inside for too much longer because it will only make you feel worse and make the discussion that much harder. I think you'll find if you're truly honest about what you're feeling and what you need that your husband will be receptive (and probably surprised by) what you have to say.

Good luck!


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

We as women have to do all the work... Laughable. Maybe in your marriage


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