# Middle of the night....



## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Hey, anyone have any clue why a guy who's claiming he has no sex drive would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and want to have sex? Then not really remember all that well the next morning? This happened at least 5-6 times until now. 

Also, do you reckon depression has a major impact on a guy's sex drive and sex life?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I have read elsewhere that guys will wake up in the middle of the night and want sex and not remember it. They will also get up and do a lot of other things and not remember it.

This has more to do with sleep and semi-conscious states than it does sex.

And yes, depression can affect sex drive and performance.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

maybe he has sexualy charged dreams and wakes up uncontrollably horny?


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

okeydokie said:


> maybe he has sexualy charged dreams and wakes up uncontrollably horny?


Yes, but this hasn't been happening since forever. It's been happening ever since we decided to 'make peace' and repair our marriage. We're still having a lot of issues with sex. 

He claims his sex drive went away, he doesn't know why he's not in the mood right now, just that he used to hate me a lot when we didn't get along and that caused him to stop wanting sex back then. 

Right now, we rarely have sex during the day and when we do he's acting like it's a chore/scary/tiresome (haven't figured out which). At night, on the other hand, he has completely different behaviour. He's close to agressive and obviously horny (which he was before the sex ended as well).

I know it has much to do with a semi-unconscious state but was trying to read into what this means.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I actually do this with my H. He tends to tell me that when it happens its because he is finally relaxed for the time being ( which with his job I would believe) and his natural urge to have sex usually comes when he is really relaxed. I don't know if that made any sense, if not I will try to clarify LMAO


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Yes, it does make sense  thank you


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## Resonance (Aug 11, 2010)

Stress and depression could be major causes of this. In an alert state, sex drive may decrease due to these factors. Since your husband is becoming aroused during the night, he is comfortable and has a clear mind. Also, eating dinner late in the evening can decrease sex drive. Try to find some ways to help him relax during the day after work.

Perhaps putting on a movie that he wants to see and laying your head on his lap and feeding him some popcorn during the movie. Spending quality time together and enjoying what you are doing will put him in a relaxed state. When relaxed and happy, he may begin to have his sex drive back before long.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

What's the matter ladies? Not into sleepy sex?

Some of the best sex I have ever had begins with, "Don't worry baby. . .you don't have to wake up. This will be over with quick."



(aren't I such the romantic?)


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

LMAO @ Scannerguard. That is my famous line to my H .... "be gentle and try not to wake me" ha ha ha. Glad to see I'm not the only one with that kinda humor


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

DawnD,

Humor and playfulness in sex is important. Just dont use that line with Hubby ALL of the time or you may have a problem.

But as I have gotten older I have realized it's okay to just enjoy the woman's body and not have a James Bond like performance.

(that's just every other night, Ladies  )


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

haha. No,definately not all the time. But we are pretty similar, so he will leave me a few bucks on the nightstand some mornings LMAO.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

DawnD:

LOL. . .I suggested that a few times to the stb-x (back 15 years ago) and she wasn't thrilled by the idea/playfulness of that. Good for you!

But then again, I was admonished here for a simple "thank you" after sex too awhile back her at TAM. . .saying some women would be deeply offended by a "thanks for last night" LOL.

Sorry to get off of topic but middle of the night sex suggests his tesosterone may be really circadian in rhythm. . .maybe he does have no sex drive during the day and then pops a woody at night when testosterone is surging (5:30 a.m. to 6 a.m. is normal for me).

I think some weight training/exercise may help him get more ape-like with his sex drive.

And we all know you women want hairy apes.


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## PeasNCarrots (Apr 5, 2010)

LOL Man I LOVE the sense of humor around here! 

NEKKO..... I have been told these night time "close encounters" are usually related to stress..... and not even really related to sex.

I too have been on the recieving end of that wake up call.... and at one point when it had been 18 months without sex (due to his supposed lack of sex drive).... Let me tell you, I didnt hesitate to wake right up!! But usually the second I moved, the wandering hands would go back to their side of the bed and I would be left there awake and more frustrated..... Now I have just gotten to the point where I wake up, and go back to sleep!

I do have to say though that I have told him about this and threatened to just take advantage of the situation and get my own..... just in case he wakes up in the middle! LOL


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Hey, thanks for the ideas and the humor ) 

@Peas Well, the pair of 'wondering' hands is what's happening here too...except he goes the whole way. I'm not complaining at all. In fact, i wish i knew how to provoke it . 
@Resonance - thanks, i'll try that. everytime i asked him what he needed he simply told me he needed me to make him feel happy when he gets home. Of course I wrongly assumed this had nothing to do with sex. 

@Scannerguard - sleeping sex is great! had no idea it existed but i guess it brings a whole new meaning to hot dreams 
What's the deal with the weight training? He has been having weight problems lately, and other huge problems with excessive heat which makes him feel sick for the most part of the day.


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## Xena (Feb 11, 2011)

One of the weirdest times I had sex was in the middle of the night. I wasn't even that awake, I was partly dreaming. It was really bizarre.


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