# valentine's day sex poll



## dino3120 (Jan 8, 2016)

I had an interesting weekend and am just curious what the public consensus is in terms of Valentine's day sex.

If you just want to answer the poll, answer the question here. If you want to hear about how our weekend went and give feedback on your thoughts about our situation, then read ahead and tell me what you think.

*Is it reasonable to hope for/look forward to some sort of especially exciting or special sex as a part of the valentine's celebration?*

Here's a quick rundown:
Friday night was pretty casual like most others. We had dinner and watched a rom-com as a bit of an introduction to the Valentine's weekend. After the movie ended things warmed up a bit, and we had sex. Pretty much our typical bread and butter, fine but nothing special kind of sex.

Saturday we spent the day together with the kids having a great time. I got her a couple flower arrangements which is hugely important for her. I helped the kids make her a valentine. She surprised me with an amazing dinner that she threw together when we agreed to cancel the reservations I made because it was too freaking cold to go out. We watched another movie, then she wanted to catch the end of the debate then go to bed. I was trying to make moves all night, but she was not having it. At the end of the night, she asked if I was mad we didn't have sex. I just said I was annoyed with myself for not making things happen before we started our movie. And she says, "we had sex last night."

My thoughts are that yes we did, but that wasn't valentine's sex. That was 'cause we had a fun evening, and she happened to get in the mood that night sex' There was no lingerie, nothing that made it different or special. Maybe I've got too much expectation, but I feel like Valentine's is an excuse to go out of our way to be a little extra sexy with lingerie or music or candles or surprises or trying something new. I'm just curious what everyone else out there thinks. Do you go into Valentine's day with any particular hopes or expectations? Other thoughts?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

dino3120 said:


> I had an interesting weekend and am just curious what the public consensus is in terms of Valentine's day sex.
> 
> If you just want to answer the poll, answer the question here. If you want to hear about how our weekend went and give feedback on your thoughts about our situation, then read ahead and tell me what you think.
> 
> ...


Granted I have been married a while and we have 3 young kids, but neither of us have any expectations for Valentine's Day, and honestly I see no reason to think that V day sex should somehow be better or more special than any other day.

So my question for you, what would make it more special, just her wearing lingerie, doing some sort of new sex act, etc...? Is it all on her to make it special?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

dino3120 said:


> *Is it reasonable to hope for/look forward to some sort of especially exciting or special sex as a part of the valentine's celebration?*


The secret to accomplishing this and actually doing something exciting and special is to "lower your expectations" and stop taking things for granted. Also helps to have a sense of humor and add value to yourself by being a fun guy to be around!

Just wear this t-shirt, and smile as if you have done something mischievously horrible! 










Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

dino3120 said:


> *Is it reasonable to hope for/look forward to some sort of especially exciting or special sex as a part of the valentine's celebration?*


Reasonable? I suppose it's reasonable to hope for. Personal preference I suppose.

Valentine's day is overly hyped. Show me you love me every day. I'd rather have exciting or special sex 2 or 3 times a week. That's my hope and what I look forward to. I don't believe in bread and butter sex. And if she made me a home cooked meal and was too tired for sex, I'd be happy to snuggle. (PS, if you really wanted sex, tell her to sit and watch the debate and you clean up. Yup, then take off your clothes, put on an apron and clean the kitchen and do the dishes. Nothing will get you laid faster than doing housework in nothing but an apron. Just saying. Pull out the turkey baster and ask her what it's for. lol).


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

We did nothing special for Valentine's Day, and that is fine with both of us. We have sex almost every night, and it is very good, so that "special" day is nothing special. We had GREAT sex Friday night and Saturday night, but we just chose to fall asleep in a full embrace on Sunday night. I had absolutely NO problem with it, either. I rather enjoyed it! Up until this year I have always bought my wife and daughters cards, chocolate, balloons, and a stuffed animal. They told me they didn't want anything this year. I still bought a heart-shaped chocolate chip cookie cake that said "I love you!" on it, of which they shared. They were thrilled with just that. Of course, my wife is very practical so she doesn't really "like" getting Valentine's gifts. I never "expected" anything on Valentine's Day because I get unconditional love throughout the year. No material gift will ever have that kind of meaning.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I don't know about making it special for Valentine's Day. I don't think sex is something to be done as a check mark in a box to say hey neither of us are in the mood but it's Valentine's Day so let's do it anyway. 

What is far more concerning to me is that she says to you "we just had sex last night?" Did she really say that or was that an illustration to make a point. If she really said that what did you respond with? I probably would have said I ate yesterday but still hungry today. I find that statement by her, if it was actually said, cold and belittling.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> I don't know about making it special for Valentine's Day. I don't think sex is something to be done as a check mark in a box to say hey neither of us are in the mood but it's Valentine's Day so let's do it anyway.
> 
> What is far more concerning to me is that she says to you "we just had sex last night?" Did she really say that or was that an illustration to make a point. If she really said that what did you respond with? I probably would have said I ate yesterday but still hungry today. I find that statement by her, if it was actually said, cold and belittling.


I didn't read it as cold or belittling. I think it has more to do with feeling like you "have to" have sex because that is what people are supposed to do on Valentines Day. Even if you look at the OPs response, he clearly differentiated sex vs. Valentine's Day sex.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> I didn't read it as cold or belittling. I think it has more to do with feeling like you "have to" have sex because that is what people are supposed to do on Valentines Day. Even if you look at the OPs response, he clearly differentiated sex vs. Valentine's Day sex.


Well maybe that's just the norm in thier marriage. To me it comes across as "we had our sex quota for the week so we are good here" lol I have never had a woman say anything like that to me so I just found the comment strange. He said he was making moves all night but got shot down and this was her rebuttal to it. So to me that does sound cold.


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## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

Valentine's Day was just like all the other days of the year ... NO SEX!


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> Well maybe that's just the norm in thier marriage. To me it comes across as "we had our sex quota for the week so we are good here" lol I have never had a woman say anything like that to me so I just found the comment strange. He said he was making moves all night but got shot down and this was her rebuttal to it. So to me that does sound cold.


Agreed, it more depends on the context within their marriage. However, I think it just highlights how stupid Valentine's Day is :grin2:


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Agreed, it more depends on the context within their marriage. However, I think it just highlights how stupid Valentine's Day is :grin2:


Really? I kinda like it now. Not so much when it was all about my X wife but now where it's about both me and my GF. For me finding someone who gave an actual damn about what I wanted to do, you know because I am 50% or the relationship, was new and eye opening how much fun it can be. :grin2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> Really? I kinda like it now. Not so much when it was all about my X wife but now where it's about both me and my GF. For me finding someone who gave an actual damn about what I wanted to do, you know because I am 50% or the relationship, was new and eye opening how much fun it can be. :grin2:


To me that is why we celebrate our anniversary, and to me that is more important since it is specific to each couple and has a lot more significance vs. some random day. V Day is just a hallmark holiday where you are being told you have to do xyz on this day for the person you love or else.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Where is the poll? 

V-day by chance happened to align with the calendar day she is willing to entertain the thought so yes, we did. Purely chance . 

As far as "We just had sex last night". Yep, I've heard that a lot. Not so much anymore, I don't ask the next day...

The day was fine, she enjoyed her gift and she put some effort into a nice meal so I'd call the day a +.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> To me that is why we celebrate our anniversary, and to me that is more important since it is specific to each couple and has a lot more significance vs. some random day. V Day is just a hallmark holiday where you are being told you have to do xyz on this day for the person you love or else.


Might feel the same way if we had an anniversary but being single we do not. We do have V day and Steak and BJ day so those work for us. When I was married anniversaries were all about her to so wasn't much joy in that for me.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> Might feel the same way if we had an anniversary but being single we do not. We do have V day and Steak and BJ day so those work for us. When I was married anniversaries were all about her to so wasn't much joy in that for me.


I think for me, I just like the idea of doing something nice for your SO (whether it be a gift, dinner, etc...) at any point b/c you want to and not b/c you feel like you have to. My W feels the same way, and especially with kids something like V day just adds unnecessary pressure.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

dino3120 said:


> I got her a couple flower arrangements which is hugely important for her. I helped the kids make her a valentine. She surprised me with an amazing dinner that she threw together when we agreed to cancel the reservations I made because it was too freaking cold to go out.


Sounds like a covert contract. Typical nice guy ploy. You buy her a bunch of sh!t (flowers, a valentine from the kids, dinner reservations etc.) and then expect sex later. Only to be disappointed when she is repulsed by the nice things you did.

She KNEW you wanted sex (went so far as to ask you if you were mad) but still didn't care. What you should of done OP was TELL her, "Today is V-day. I want to have sex with my wife." Let her openly refuse to meet your needs. Don't beg, whine or plead. Just tell her, "Okay, I respect your decision. I understand you're tired." 

The next event that comes up (anniversary, birthday w/e), don't do ANYTHING. Don't even acknowledge it. When she comes at you all upset just tell her, "Well... I respected your decision on V-day not to meet my needs so I'm sure you respect my decision not to acknowledge your need for recognition on XXXX day because I'm really tired too and would rather watch tv also."

Moral of my advice is you need to give what you get. She needs to feel like she has to earn your attention. You shower her with gifts and praise she's BORED by it. She knows she can fvck you whenever SHE feels like it. So she does. Make yourself a prize not a doormat. Next time, she'll realize she needs to put effort in to get something in return.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> I think for me, I just like the idea of doing something nice for your SO (whether it be a gift, dinner, etc...) at any point b/c you want to and not b/c you feel like you have to. My W feels the same way, and especially with kids something like V day just adds unnecessary pressure.


I never feel that I have to any longer, nor feel any pressure. I buy my GF roses all year long because I want to and because she is great to me. For V day I got her a card and chocolates 10$ total. Went to a movie and dinner we would have done anyway because it was a kid free Saturday night, we celebrated early. we actually did nothing but hang out, have sex, and watch tv on VDay itself, kid free weekends mean the adults can play :grin2:.

I agree with you and think if the only time you do nice things for your other is because of a day, no matter what the day is (birthday, v day, anniversary and so on)you have missed the mark. But I don't see anything wrong with making a deal for VDay same as you do for anniversary. Only part I won't play into any long about v day, or any day for that matter, is that it's a one sided holiday for a gender.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> kid free weekends mean the adults can play :grin2:.


I have heard about such weekends, just assumed they were myths :grin2:


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

BetrayedDad said:


> Sounds like a covert contract. Typical nice guy ploy. You buy her a bunch of sh!t (flowers, a valentine from the kids, dinner reservations etc.) and then expect sex later. Only to be disappointed when she is repulsed by the nice things you did.
> 
> She KNEW you wanted sex (went so far as to ask you if you were mad) but still didn't care. What you should of done OP was TELL her, "Today is V-day. I want to have sex with my wife." Let her openly refuse to meet your needs. Don't beg, whine or plead. Just tell her, "Okay, I respect your decision. I understand you're tired."
> 
> The next event that comes up (anniversary, birthday w/e), don't do ANYTHING. Don't even acknowledge it. When she comes at you all upset just tell her, "Well... I respected your decision on V-day not to meet my needs so I'm sure you respect my decision not to acknowledge your need for recognition on XXXX day because I'm really tired too and would rather watch tv also."


This sounds rather like swapping covert contracting for passive-aggressive behaviour and holding a grudge. Different? Definitely. Better? I'm not so sure.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We don't treat this or any holiday, birthday, or anniversary any differently. Some days we just align and have extraordinary sex, and the rest we have the usual good sex. We have a lot of sex, so don't concern ourselves that any particular day needs extra effort. Besides, when you try to force it or have unrealistic expectations, it is usually less satisfying.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

dino3120 said:


> *Is it reasonable to hope for/look forward to some sort of especially exciting or special sex as a part of the valentine's celebration?*


Is it reasonable.....not in my house. Valentine's is just another day in the lila household. We do what we normally do on whatever day of the week it happens to fall. This year, it fell during my son's winter break so he and I took off to the beach while h stayed home and worked on the house. We'll do our normal date night next Saturday.



dino3120 said:


> Saturday we spent the day together with the kids having a great time. I got her a couple flower arrangements which is hugely important for her. I helped the kids make her a valentine. She surprised me with an amazing dinner that she threw together when we agreed to cancel the reservations I made because it was too freaking cold to go out. We watched another movie, then she wanted to catch the end of the debate then go to bed. I was trying to make moves all night, but she was not having it. At the end of the night, she asked if I was mad we didn't have sex. I just said I was annoyed with myself for not making things happen before we started our movie. *And she says, "we had sex last night."*


I think honesty is the best policy. Would you have been okay with her admitting that she wasn't in the mood for sex?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Sawney Beane said:


> This sounds rather like swapping covert contracting for passive-aggressive behaviour and holding a grudge. Different? Definitely. Better? I'm not so sure.


I prefer to think of it as behavior modification. In other words, you don't reward bad behavior.

It's simply rebalancing the scales. Right now she's standing on a pedestal and he's standing on a doormat.

So put her on a doormat. Then when decides she wants to go back to the pedestal, she will learn to put him one also.

Isn't that one of the goals of most marriages? To cherish each other? Right now, it's fairly one-sided and not in OP's favor.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Lila said:


> I think honesty is the best policy. Would you have been okay with her admitting that she wasn't in the mood for sex?


I was just about to ask that, would things had changed if she just said she was tired/not in the mood but would make it up to him maybe the next day?


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> I was just about to ask that, would things had changed if she just said she was tired/not in the mood but would make it up to him maybe the next day?


"We had sex last night"

Nah she's not the type worried about making it up the next day.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Middle of Everything said:


> "We had sex last night"
> 
> Nah she's not the type worried about making it up the next day.


Lol. It would be interesting to hear then if this has been an issue in the past or if V day was just a one off.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Lol. It would be interesting to hear then if this has been an issue in the past or if V day was just a one off.


Agreed.

That statement and the entire original post to me just smacks of a "I'll have sex with you once every two weeks MAYBE once a week, so you dont get cranky" type of person.

Why did OP wonder if he is justified in expecting "exciting" sex for Vday? My guess is regular sex is wam bam thank you maam. 

Feel sorry for OP and can empathize with him. Some people just dont realize you can have "fun" non routine sex whenever you want. :crying:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Middle of Everything said:


> Agreed.
> 
> That statement and the entire original post to me just smacks of a "I'll have sex with you once every two weeks MAYBE once a week, so you dont get cranky" type of person.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I am just trying to not draw too much yet until we know more about the OPs situation and sex life with his W. I am guessing by the fact he made a new thread there is some underlying frustration there that goes beyond just V day.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

This was my first V-Day being engaged, so it was very special. To make sex a little more special, I wore red heels to bed (only). Something different, and he loved it.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

*Deidre* said:


> This was my first V-Day being engaged, so it was very special. To make sex a little more special, I wore red heels to bed (only). Something different, and he loved it.


Yet when I wore red heels to bed my wife thought it was weird ...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

OliviaG said:


> @EllisRedding : probably because you didn't wear them on Valentine's Day - it *is* a special day, there's your proof!


Well aren't you the party pooper :redcard:


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Yet when I wore red heels to bed my wife thought it was weird ...


LMAO!!! :grin2:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I think it is reasonable but to each their own.

I would have taken more notice to her question and statement.

Her: Are you mad that we didn't have sex tonight?

Her: We had sex last night.

She is not on the same page as you, might not even be in the same book.

That is your biggest issue, Valentines day aside.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think that in a good relationship there should be some romance every day. But life is full of chores inconveniences, etc. I see Valentines day as an excuse to push the chores to another day and put more attention into romance on V day. 

Sex should have lots of variation. I seem V day as a nice time for romantic sex, and maybe doing something extra special for your partner.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

dino3120 said:


> I had an interesting weekend and am just curious what the public consensus is in terms of Valentine's day sex.
> 
> If you just want to answer the poll, answer the question here. If you want to hear about how our weekend went and give feedback on your thoughts about our situation, then read ahead and tell me what you think.
> 
> ...


While I understand your feelings, your wife sounds pretty great, from the sounds of it. You sound like you have an awesome family. Don't introduce problems that don't exist. Nothing in this life is perfect. It would be one thing to have NO sex for weeks...or at all the whole weekend, but you did. Maybe you are restless ...be careful to not ruin a good thing, because you think that good thing should be a 'different' kind of good thing.  Just my view.


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