# Cheated on one week before wedding!!!!



## mommy of Alyssa (Aug 28, 2009)

OK so we had been together for 5yrs when we decided to get married. Everything was set and ready to go. I come to find out that he was talking to a some girl alot at all hours of the night. I confronted him and he said it was innocent and that he was only talking to her. I believed him. We got married and everything was great and I found out two weeks into the marriage that he had actually slept with her and he lied to me so I wouldnt call off the wedding. I thought that I should leave and I was in denial. I asked him about it and he denied it at first but admitted to it after I threatened to call her. I felt so betrayed and depressed. I stayed thinking about what to do. I come to find out one week after finding out about the affair that I was pregnant. We stayed together for the baby and the baby is now 5 months old and I still have all this weight on my shoulders. How can I move on?:scratchhead:


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

well, he is a $#@#$

seriously, cheating a week before you dedicate your life to someone, wow


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

He's a jerk. One week before the wedding? Why did he get married. You need some serious counseling here if you are to make it. Is he regretful? He needs to take full responsibility and work with you. HE needs to make this right. If he's not doing those things, it will never work. Leave him.


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## mommy of Alyssa (Aug 28, 2009)

mommy22 said:


> Did he give any explanation as to why? How does he act now? Does he seem fulfilled with the marriage and baby?


He said that it was a last thing before we got married. He was a virgin before me. He's been behaving. He comes straight home from work and calls me from work like 3 times a day. He says he is Happy with his life right now so I guess he is.


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## mommy of Alyssa (Aug 28, 2009)

AZMOMOFTWO said:


> He's a jerk. One week before the wedding? Why did he get married. You need some serious counseling here if you are to make it. Is he regretful? He needs to take full responsibility and work with you. HE needs to make this right. If he's not doing those things, it will never work. Leave him.


He does seem regretful. He has said many times that it was the stupidest thing he had ever done. He understands my trust issues I have because of his infidelity. He does try to make it work.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Well the ladies hammered him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper (NO! BAD MAN! NO! BAD!), so I'll try a different tack...

As far as the men are concerned, the virgins and "only nailed the bride-to-be" guys usually have an emotional panic attack at some point about getting married. Mine lasted on and off for the entire first year of marriage before fading. Limiting yourself to one woman is not exactly what the guys are biologically programmed for, so it's counter-intuitive to get married, just like it's counter-intuitive to cut your own foot off to get out of a bear trap. (long term it's a good idea though)

Anyway... while the guys are having panic attacks... you'd honestly be surprised how little attention men get during the entire months and months build up to a wedding. What with it being her special day and all.

So panic attacks + low attention = Increased chances guy is a dumbass.

How did you not know he was talking to the other woman "at all hours of the night"? Is there anything you could have, or should have done differently? Note I'm NOT blaming you for his actions here, he shouldn't have cheated on you. But, you may find it easier to forgive him and move on if you discover you have some portion of the cause of the situation though.

He seems to be trying to fix things with you. A kid is involved now as well. So work at it. See a counselor if you have to. Good luck!


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## mommy of Alyssa (Aug 28, 2009)

Atholk said:


> Well the ladies hammered him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper (NO! BAD MAN! NO! BAD!), so I'll try a different tack...
> 
> As far as the men are concerned, the virgins and "only nailed the bride-to-be" guys usually have an emotional panic attack at some point about getting married. Mine lasted on and off for the entire first year of marriage before fading. Limiting yourself to one woman is not exactly what the guys are biologically programmed for, so it's counter-intuitive to get married, just like it's counter-intuitive to cut your own foot off to get out of a bear trap. (long term it's a good idea though)
> 
> ...


Well to be honest I really didnt want the big wedding. I actually wanted to run off and get married in Vegas. He was the one that insisted we have a big wedding so I caved in to what he wanted. So him needing attention is his fault. And as for the part that I might have done something to cause him to do it well I dont think so. In the five years before I never cheated I never got numbers or anything. He worked nights and I always stayed home no clubs or bars or anything like that. I was there for him when he lost his father and I also tried my best to keep him satisfied in any way possible. You know the whole lady in public freak in the sheets thing. It just seems like no matter what you do or how you treat your man he is just programmed to be unsatisfied with what hes got. I know that if it would of been me who cheated he would have left in a heartbeat.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

"I know that if it would of been me who cheated he would have left in a heartbeat."

Yes ma'am this is sadly true! 

Atholk gives a good man's perspective and while we might not like it or thinks its right, it has some truth in it. I was actually glad my H had been with other women before me. He was 18 and me 16 when we got together and its been 24 years so I'm pretty sure if he hadn't he would have gotten curious by now. Although seems to not have mattered since he cheated anyway. 

So back to you, before the wedding though??? What an ass. Panic attack or not. 

It sounds like you are committed to making this work. Is he as committed? Will he go to counseling? This is a tough road, I've been on it for about 13 months and its a long road so he has to be prepared to support you through this process. You will have bad days, you will be angry can he handle that? Will he be totally open with you? If so, you have a chance of working it out. I wish you the best of luck.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Well I think you rebutted most of my thoughts and questions there. So... hmmm.



mommy of Alyssa said:


> It just seems like no matter what you do or how you treat your man he is just programmed to be unsatisfied with what hes got.


There may be an element of that at work too. I suffer from that once in a while myself even now 15 years later. We can be idiots. 

I have no idea what else to say.


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## CarolineMRF (Sep 2, 2009)

He is the same man that you fell in love with...Nothing has changed...He had his fling...Met her one time and sowed his wild oats...Look at it this way, what if he never had a chance to do this before marriage?...Seeing he was a virgin, he may have been far more tempted later on...You love him...So you were pregnant...Stop punishing yourself for something that happened in the past...If it was me I would show him everytime that we made love what a hot woman that I was...Always make him have no regrets....

Let this be a lesson to you in life...Women are out there ready to grab any man any chance that they get....Far too many hot women and far too few able men.....


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

I think your main question is how to move on. The only awnser is time. Do you love this man? Is it important to you that he is a part of your new family? Is he as committed to you as you are to him? If these things are true then find a release for your emotions, talking or writing or working out, and try to make a happy memory today and tomorrow. 

Let yesterday go. It is hard and there will be hard days and easy days, but eventually the hard days get fewer and farther in between if you have good memories to put in between. You have to decide on balance which is greater; your love of him or your doubt of him. This is the crux of marriage, it is not over when you say "I do" or when you have been married 20 years, one must decide every day if thier partner is earning thier love or thier suspision. 

It sounds like your man has learned his lesson, like he has grown closer to you through this trial and will not want to hurt you after you have proven your acceptance of him and all his flaws. Let it go and give your lives together another chance.


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## findingpeace (Mar 14, 2009)

Dont let anyone fool you not all men think with their penis's, true love is not selfish and cheating is as selfish of an act as it gets your husband has no exuse for what he did when someone gets married it is because they have found their one and only I guess i would totally have to question your husbands intnentions for getting married in the first place and if he trully loves you and if he even knows what love is or maybe you like myself did a poor job chosing the person we were to be with I would serious recomend you get counceling and try to forgive him you will never forget what he has done and the trust is going to be a very difficult thing to rebuild Good Luck and God bless


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## mommy of Alyssa (Aug 28, 2009)

I would like to thank everyone that has responded to me. My husband and I are still working on our marriage. No counseling yet but I think we are doing a good job communicating exactly how we feel about everything. He does seem regretfull and he seems happy coming home to me and our little one. I guess only time will heal wounds.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

mommy of Alyssa, I feel your pain. I have trouble with the trust issue, myself. I am glad you are at least able to communicate. Some men and some women apparently need additional attention outside their marriages. 

I know very intelligent women (and men) who make very bad choices in partners. I wish you the best, as we don't deserve to be cheated on. It would be best to either don't get married, or get a divorce before beginning a new relationship.


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