# Any advice is helpful!!! Considering divorce!!



## court (May 15, 2011)

I have NEVER told my story to anybody. I'm just a normal woman looking for help and advice about my STRESSFUL situation. I'm going to try to make a long story short. 

I met my husband 5 years ago when we were both very young. We started dating from that day and have been together since. I got pregnant and had our first baby in July of 2010. He enlisted into the Air Force in January and we then got married in February. WHEW...everything happened SO fast. Looking back on it now I'm feeling like we only got married so soon because the Air Force requires you to be married if you have children. HERE IS MY DILEMMA. 

Like every couple, we have had our ups and downs. My husband is an AMAZING father and a VERY sweet and caring man but he is NOT the type of person who shows ANY emotion unless it's serious. I am the initiator. He NEVER takes time to kiss me, hug me, tell me he loves me, tell me I'm beautiful or ANYTHING. He comes home from work and goes about his business and wont even come say hello to me. We recently got into a HUGE fight and I was on the verge of telling him to leave. He informed me(during the fight) that his favorite part of the day was sitting at work where it's quiet and I'm not around and also taking a shower. I feel COMPLETELY unwanted and unloved. He could care less if we make love or not. He isn't the type of man that is always horny or wants to have sex. He is reserved but maybe a little TOO reserved. He is very quiet and could care less if we get out of the house as a family and do something fun. I feel depressed. I recently started losing my baby weight and getting tan to try to feel better about myself and it is working. My husband doesn't even notice. If I ask him If I look good or thin he just nods his head. I'm starting to feel unwanted by him and I get so excited with ANY male attention I get in public. I catch myself noticing men looking at me and I flirt with back with them. I feel like this is due to my husband NOT telling me he thinks I'm pretty or sexy or ANYTHING. 

I am starting to feel that we wouldn't be together if we didn't have our baby and we wouldn't have gotten married if it weren't for the Air Force regulations. I am MISERABLE. We have TRIED to make it work. We always say "it will get better in time" but it seems to be getting worse. I find myself TRYING to keep distant from him but I'm the type of woman who CRAVES attention. ESPECIALLY from my husband. I know my husband loves me in some ways but I just don't know if I can stay with him anymore if he doesn't change. 

I have and AM considering talking about divorce with him. I am *like any mother* worried about being a single parent if we were to divorce. I am a STAY AT HOME mother and would have to go back to work. I would lose the *fairytale* ending if we divorced. Scared to have another man raise our child if i were to divorce..HELP!!!!!!!

I understand I might have my problems too but I am a communicator which he IS NOT. I try to talk through our problems but he just clams up and doesn't want to talk. He seems miserable as well. He is NOT the person I fell in love with 5 years ago. 

PLEASE HELP ME


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## OldPro? (May 15, 2011)

I understand that you want and deserve attention from him. I am not making any judgement. Perhaps you are being a little too emotionally demanding. As far as the "rather be at work" remark, he was probably just angry....still a nasty thing to say. I would encourage you to try to work things out.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

OldPro? said:


> I understand that you want and deserve attention from him. I am not making any judgement. Perhaps you are being a little too emotionally demanding. As far as the "rather be at work" remark, he was probably just angry....still a nasty thing to say. I would encourage you to try to work things out.


You guys need to sit with a professional to get to root of problem. The big picture is being buried in nastiness and thoughtless remarks!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Have you read The 5 love languages by Gary Chapman? It was a book I was hesitant to read because I find a lot of self help books to be quite boring, but this was an exception.
It sounds to me like this is a communication issue. Your husband isn't loving you in your language, which means you probably aren't loving him in his. It is very possible to show love and affection in different ways, you two just need to figure out what your languages are and go from there.

I would also suggest counseling, and if he isn't willing to go, at least go for yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## court (May 15, 2011)

Thank you for the replies! I've mentioned marriage counseling to him, but he doesn't seem interested at all. I have thought several times about counseling alone and I think it's my best bet. I love him so much, but I just feel unwanted. I will post in a few days.


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

Individual counceling can be a big help to you, but it is very difficult for one person to hold a marriage together. You need to let him know how close to leaving you are and give him a chance to step up to the plate and work on it with you.


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