# 180



## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

When will the NC get easier? It has only been 4 days and it is so hard. I am sure it would not be as hard if I had a full time job.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I think you're right, the not having a job and having only your spouse to think about would make it tough to carry out. I was never able to do the NC, I just couldn't see it. Probably to my detriment.

You've got to find something to do in your time, something, anything.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Hi Lee

I don't have a job either (tho am looking); however you do need to get yourself out of the house. Visit friends, join a meetup group (highly recommended), take up a hobby, try something new- just get busy and off the couch! The more you focus on yourself the better you will feel. And if you start feelig gloomy, try to distract yourself with tv, a film, phone someone, play a video game, anything! Good luck


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## cooljay (Oct 6, 2012)

Doing something anything does help and it's truly helped me with my situation as far as my separation goes. I find a chance to do anything I can to keep myself occupied, she worked and I was the stay at home dad. So now I just fill my time cleaning, doing things around the house, getting outside and enjoying time outside while it's nice and with all the fall colors, spending time with my daughter, going to the store and just browsing to be honest just anything and everything to keep myself busy and there are hard moments but I've found out it's a lot easier to not dwell on things if you have something else keeping you occupied.

Do you have any hobbies you enjoy or use to enjoy that you didn't have time for anymore? If so look into doing them or getting them started back up. Just truly anything that will distract you and over all make you feel better.

The first 5-6 days was the toughest and hardest for me, not going to lie it was a very hard time where I was crying almost non-stop and I was just dwelling on everything and it's hard to shake those feelings it really is but you do really need to distract yourself and work on making yourself be happy, it won't be easy and if you need to feel free to send me a PM on here if need be, I'm more than willing to help out the best I can, even if you just need to talk to get the weight off your shoulders, and I'm sure there are lots of others willing to help.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I am looking daily. I have two daughters one is in school while the other one is home with me. I am not a stay at home mom but had to take them out of daycare cause of no income. I just feel like my world is falling down around me.


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## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

lee101981 said:


> I am looking daily. I have two daughters one is in school while the other one is home with me. I am not a stay at home mom but had to take them out of daycare cause of no income. I just feel like my world is falling down around me.


I'm sorry! My biggest regret is not having my own money so I can move it. I think that helps with the 180. It helps you feel like you started anew! If you can, maybe have someone help you watch the girls while you look for work? For me, I'm literally on my own so I'm stuck with my baby and that has me burnt out. I think getting a break would be nice. Go out on walks too and take the kids on leaf hunts and such. Maybe take up photography, drawing, cooking? Something.


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## Highway run (Oct 22, 2012)

Can someone please tell me what 180 and NC is, what to do and how it works? DH and I separated and are now going through with the divorce. We were going to try to work on it but he changed his mind. Now I need to get strong.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

I am unable to follow all of these so I have picked a few and sticking with them. I have my good days and my bad days.


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