# My Daughter Slapped Her Math Teacher!



## Euripedes

Dear All, My spouse and I are heartbroken and upset about what our 12 year old daughter did in school last week - she slapped her math teacher on his face! Here's the gist of the matter:

While at work last week, I got a call from my daughter's school asking for me to come there concerning a serious matter. I asked if they could tell me what it was about on the phone since I was at work. The school secretary said No, I needed to come there immediately, and so I did, wondering what this was all about. I was taken to the principal's office and informed by another teacher (I think she was in charge of student affairs, or discipline, or something) and she told me my daughter had "slapped her math teacher in his face". It's the last thing I would ever think she would do since she is such a sweet, shy and quiet kid and not aggressive or mean at all. She is 12 years old and is in the 7th grade in a private, expensive, co-ed school and is one of the top students in her class. She is popular and well-liked by her fellow students and teachers and has never been in any sort of trouble before.

The teacher showed me a statement that my daughter had written and signed saying something like "I slapped Mr. XXX but did not do it intentionally and I didn't mean any harm..." or something to that effect. My mind was just reeling at this point but I asked the disciplinary teacher why did my daughter slap her teacher? She replied she did not know. The teacher then asked me if I wanted to see my daughter so I said Yes and she brought her in. She seemed pretty normal and not upset or anything and confirmed that she did slap her math teacher but did not know why, and she had not meant to cause any trouble by it. I was still dumbfounded and trying to comprehend all this and really found few words to say. I asked my daughter for all the details and whether her math teacher had said something to her to upset her or did he do anything to make her slap him and her reply was No, she did not really know why she slapped him. I asked for the details and she said that she was in her class with the other students (very small class size, only about 10 kids per class) and the teacher was standing by the door and she walked up to him and "just slapped him in the face for no reason". I asked, did she just lightly tap him on the cheek and the reply (from the disciplinary teacher there with us) was that she slapped him quite hard on the cheek, which really floored me.

The disciplinary teacher then said that a committee of teachers would meet and decide what course of action would be taken. She also said that nothing like this had ever happened before in the school so she did not know how it would be dealt with. However, my daughter would have to be punished because if she wasn't, it would set a bad example for the other students, which I understood. The teacher said that this was a serious offense although kids at that age often do crazy things that parents do not understand, citing her own kids as an example.

I returned to my office with my head spinning and phoned my spouse about this situation and it was met with complete shock and disbelief. My spouse said there must be a reason our daughter slapped the teacher but all I could say is that she said there was no reason, she did it without meaning any harm.

That night my spouse and I had a long discussion with my daughter to try to pry any details or reasons out of this situation. My daughter has kept to her original story at this inquisition and subsequent ones as well. We asked: Did the teacher make a pass at her (she is very cute - No, she said)? Does she have a crush on him (No, she does not like him in that way at all)? Did he say or do or touch her inappropriately (no, no, no)? She said she was sorry and did not know why she slapped him and that there was no reason she did it.

The next day I was called in again to the school and, with my daughter there with me, the "committee" of 2 teachers said they were suspending my daughter from school for 5 school days. They said that this was an unprecedented, egregious violation that could not go unpunished. I was heartbroken and upset and asked if they could forego the 5 day suspension and instead make her stay after school to sweep floors, clean black boards, etc, etc., but they said No, she would have to take the suspension. I tried to argue more but they would not change their decision and they gave me a signed statement detailing her suspension, which now becomes part of her school record, which makes me sick to my stomach thinking she now has a blotch on her school record. I was really devastated, and so was my spouse when I called and explained the outcome.

I have since sent a letter to the school saying that my spouse and I wanted to meet with the math teacher (and any other school officials) to get his explanation of what happened, but I have not heard back yet. I did ask to meet with the teacher on the very first day when this happened, but was told No, I could not meet with him, which I thought was rather odd.

So that's my story and my dilemma. Has anyone any ideas on why my daughter would slap her math teacher "for no reason at all"? She is such a sweet, lovable kid and my spouse and I absolutely adore her and would never think she would slap anyone, let alone her teacher. FYI, she has a younger, 8 year old brother, whom we also adore and cherish. We have a very loving family and daily hug and kiss our kids and tell them we love them. Has anyone ever had a similar situation like this and if so, how was it dealt with? Any advice or opinions on this situation would be most welcome. I am really flabbergasted and confused. Thanks, Euripedes.


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## larry.gray

I find it a bit curious that they are hiding the teacher from you.

I'm not sure I'd put her back in his class. My mind went the same place yours did, what did he do to her? 

I think I'd consider putting her in therapy in an attempt to get to the root of this. Either something happened, and it's best to deal with it, OR something didn't happen, and you want to figure out why.


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## EleGirl

"Has anyone any ideas on why my daughter would slap her math teacher "for no reason at all"? "

I can think of a few possibilities…..

Perhaps he did/said something and she does not want to tell anyone. When I was her age there was a creepy math teacher in my school who was constantly asking me to kiss him. He also used to put his arm around me and walk me to classes. I did not know what to do so I would just laugh and tell him “yuck no”. I really hated this all. But I never told anyone.

Another is … maybe she was put up to it by some friends. Or maybe she felt she had to prove herself as being a tough girl. She might be so good two shoes that the reputation was hurting her among the others in the school. So by hitting her teacher she upped her ‘rep’ or ‘cred’. There could very well be a culture running through the kids at that school that you are not aware of. And your daughter might not fit into the lifestyle these kids have. I don’t know but there is a possibility of some of the kids being ones whose parents are not watching very well and they are doing things that kids that age generally do not do.

If the above is the case, she cannot tell you why she did it. If she did then she would become a “tattle tail” which would make her such an outcast and a target for some real hate from her peers at school. It could even get her seriously hurt.


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## Jane_Doe

The teacher has the right to stay away from children/people who assault him, no matter how loving and kind those kids are at home. So I can understand why he'd rather go through a third party.

Therapy is a good idea, she might have pent up aggression that is coming from who-knows-where. Or she might be trying to impress someone else in the class? She might have just seen it in one of those black and white movies that have that kind of thing in there.

I wouldn't leap to the conclusion that the teacher is a child-molesting perv when she slapped him out of nowhere in front of a class. If the slap happened while they were alone together it'd be a different matter.


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## EleGirl

If she were my daughter I'd be looking through her stuff to see if there are any notes from other students to her. You can find out a lot about what is going on from notes. If she keeps a diary, that's another place to look.

Yes I know that many think that privacy for a child is important. But as a parent there is also a responsibility to keep their child safe. 

Your daughter is lucky that the teacher did not bring criminal assault and battery charges against her. Your daughter could easily have ended up with a criminal record over this. In public schools this is what would have most likely happened.

To protect my child I'd have no problem digging deeper even if it meant violating her privacy at home.


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## mablenc

I'm a bit concerned that you can't speak to the teacher I would have expected him to be in there in the first meeting, this is a red flag. Could it be that the administration has intimidate your daughter?
Something caused her to slap him which is ok if he was making a pass at her. I'm actually glad she got suspended because it gives you time to find out. It could have also been a dare or a prank. Last, is she on any medication or has she been acting strange? Does she remember doing it? I would tell her she needs to expalin what happened that you will help her and be on her side. 

Is there a best friend you can ask maybe sit with her mother and see if mom and you could ask the friend what happened? 

Sound a bit strange
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

coffee4me said:


> This part I don't understand either. If she is a good student and never been in trouble etc. Her reaction to the whole situation is quite peculiar. If the math teacher did something inappropriate or if her friends put her up to it either way, would she not at this point be upset? She seems normal in the middle of what is surely one of the worst situations she has ever faced at school. very odd.


If she did it to build her 'cred' among her classmates she might very well not be upset. A suspension would be exactly what she wanted.


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## EleGirl

Does your daughter have a Facebook account, Twitter, and other social media? 

If so see what she is posting.

Also check the accounts of the other students in her school. Kids today generally post everything on social media.


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## tacoma

since this is a private school you really have no recourse but i would call the math teacher directly and schedule a meeting.
A teacher cannot willfully continue to ignore a request for consultation from a students parents.

Leave the punishment as it is for the time being until you can speak with the math teacher.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## techmom

Big Dude said:


> I am a teacher. Although I have never been slapped by a student, I can tell you that students (especially middle-school aged) sometimes do very strange things for impulsive reasons. If this was an impulsive act, she may really not know why she did such a thing.
> 
> I urge you not to contest the school's disciplinary policies. Many such policies, which can seem strange or unfair, are the result of previous lawsuits and the like. In a case like this, I imagine that the school has considered very carefully how information should be shared and appropriate consequences. Not always right or optimal, but legally safe.
> 
> BTW, you would not believe the number of parents I have known who have been flabbergasted by their kids' behavior at school. Kids who were undoubtedly perfect angels at home caught with drugs and guns in their cars in the school parking lot. Kids sent to the hospital by ambulance for alcohol poisoning at noon. So as shocking as this slapping incident must seem to everybody, it might not be the result of pedophile teachers or mean girls peer pressure. Sometimes kids are just weird.


:iagree:

Some kids show a different personality when out with their friends at school. It may have been a dare, or something to smear her perfect image at school, which is why she is not upset. You, as her parent, would love for her to stay that perfect little girl. But, when a child nears her teens she would want to test boundaries and rebel. It is only natural for preteens/teens to do so.


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## larry.gray

coffee4me said:


> You are complaining to the school because she was suspended. I would not do that, they are being very lenient. In my kids school she would be expelled- period. I would also not ask for a lighter punishment then the suspension. She needs to feel the weight of the consequences.


:iagree:

I meant to add that too when I posted and missed saying it. Once you're in middle school, hitting a teacher is a big freaking deal. Yes, many schools would expel her for that.


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## Euripedes

Hi Everybody, Many thanks for all your replies and your concern and good advice. My daughter is in her second day of her 5 day suspension. I've given her a bunch of extra algebra problems and French to do, so she is staying busy. No TV or videos during the day. We've come to accept her suspension and she only has 3 more days left. Her school friends are letting her know what assignments have to be done so she is staying up with her homework.

Her math teacher has not contacted me yet about meeting with him to get his version of all this. I am concerned about this because I wonder why he has been avoiding me from the beginning of this crisis. The school is small and private so there is no other math class she can take. She will just have to finish the year with him. I will send another note asking to meet with the math teacher on the 4th day of her suspension if he has not replied to me by then.

My daughter does not have FB and I was smart enough to put a key logger on her smartphone a few months ago when I purchased it for her. I monitor it several times a week and never have noted any calls/emails/SMSs/websites of concern.

I will continue to ask my daughter to come clean and give me the real reason why she slapped her math teacher. I still have no idea if it was a dare from another student (which is really a stupid thing to do) or if she was trying to be cute or if she just did a really dumb thing for no reason at all. I told her from the beginning that the teacher could bring assault charges on her, which is something I could tell she had not thought about.

Anyways, there probably won't be much more happening about this situation unless the math teacher decides to meet with us to give us his side of the story. Will keep you all informed if this should happen. Thanks once again for all your help. E.


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## BrockLanders

Have you punished her at home?


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## turnera

coffee4me said:


> I can feel your pain in your post. All I can offer is how I would respond were this my daughter. I would describe my daughter much in the same way you described yours and she is 11 so she is a similar age.
> 
> First, I would not accept from my daughter that she has *"no idea"* why she walked up to a teacher and slapped him across the face. I'm sorry not in a million years would I buy that. *She absolutely knows why she did it- **She is lying by not telling you. *I would be having some serious conversations with my child about lying.


Another possibility is that she has a slight mental issue in which she cannot connect to the act itself; a qualified psychiatrist should be consulted, at least once, if nothing else than to rule the possibility out.


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## turnera

You will probably have to press the school board (not the principal) to set up a meeting with the math teacher. You are entitled to that. If they balk, tell them to expect a contact from your lawyer. 

Note that I am NOT saying to get him in trouble. It's your daughter that should be punished, not him. Just to hear the other witness' data.

What punishment did YOU give your daughter?


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## whatslovegottodowithit?

You should have the right to face your daughter's accuser (criminals get that right). I would also get the names of the teachers, "committee" people, and whomever you spoke with along with administration. Do a background check, maybe you find something maybe you won't. 

Check with the licensing board and see if there's ever been any problems with any of the people's licenses i.e. complaints, sanctions, etc... 

How far do you want to push this? Will contacting the State's board of education do anything? Is this private school religious? Do you contribute more $$ than most to this school?


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## Euripedes

Dear All, We had the meeting with the math teacher and the disciplinary teacher. It was cordial all around and there were no problems. We asked the math teacher to tell us his version of what happened and it really did not vary much from what my daughter said.

He said that that day he was handing back a recent test to each student and after they reviewed it, he wanted them to return the tests to him. He said that although my daughter is in the top 3 students of her math class, she somehow pulled a 65% on that test, which is unusual for her. When she went to hand him the test, she slapped him on the face! Although my daughter still says the low test score had nothing to do with it, I wonder if it really did? We also thought that perhaps it did, but my daughter still says she slapped him for no reason at all.

BTW, her math teacher is quite young, I'd say in his mid-twenties and my daughter is going on 13, so perhaps she thought she could treat him like one of her pals, or something. 

Also at this meeting, her math teacher then showed us her next exam, and she got a miserable 25% on it, which is so unlike her since she is so good in math and we diligently make sure she does her homework each night. So I don't know if there's a connection here or not. It's still puzzling.

I read my daughter the riot act when we got home and she seemed pretty embarassed and sheepish. The next day she returned to school and said a lot of kids hugged her and welcomed her back. She said no one mentioned the slap and that things are "back to normal". The two teachers assured us that my daughter would not be ostracized or shunned (either by the other teachers or the students) and this seems to be the case, although she's only been back to school for one day now. She's still being punished by being grounded because we want her to know she cannot go around assaulting people because there will be serious consequences. We think she has learned her lesson, but time will tell.

We also asked the two teachers at the meeting to contact us if they see any strange behaviour from our daughter, and they said of course they would. The math teacher said that the incident would not affect his attitude towards our daughter and that all is OK now. We left the meeting relieved to hear all this but had a serious talk with our daughter when we got home.

If anyone has any comments or insights into this situation, I'd be most appreciative to hear them. Many Thanks, E.


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## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

She's definitely hiding something but it looks like something that can never be shared to one's parents, for whatever reason - most likely childish. Some possibilities mentioned thus far are quite probable, especially peer pressure. At least she learnt her lesson.


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## Jasel

Don't know your daughter as well as you do but from the sudden impulsive behavior, the falling grades, the "I don't know why I did that" reaction to deviant behavior I'd say there's something going on in your daughter's life you're not aware of and she's not telling. Whatever you do I wouldn't try to rugsweep this as a one time thing or try to put it behind you. At the very least keep monitoring your daughter's behavior.


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## PBear

My first thought, if she doesn't or won't admit to why she did it, was that it was an attention getting action. The drop in grades is also troubling. Are her other classes affected as well? Is there anything else happening in her life or the family life that could be upsetting her?

C


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## turnera

If it's not in any other class, I'm guessing she has a crush on him.


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## BrockLanders

Have you punished her at home as well? This is a pretty big deal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jasel

Ya I'm actually surprised she didn't get expelled.


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## NextTimeAround

Jasel said:


> Ya I'm actually surprised she didn't get expelled.



Me, too. this is why I could not be a teacher. A friend of mine was school governor for about 8 years...... an unpaid community job in which you keep tabs on the Head teacher here in the UK.

In idle conversation, I said, I think the jobs of teaching and discipline should be two different jobs split among different people. My friend's rapid fire response was "if a teacher can't teach at the same time they maintain discipline, then they are not up for the job."

I didn't argue at that point. If they are getting adequate numbers of applicants, then they can maintain their high standards. But of course, in a later conversation, my friend admitted that given the neighborhood of the school and maybe other things, it was very difficult to recruit "good" teachers. 

So I rest my case.

OP, I'm in my 50s and I am not a parent. So I read this thread in wonderment at how your daughter is getting kid glove treatment at all of this.

What do you think might happen if she were to slap a classmate?


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## Starstarfish

Sudden dropping grades, randomly hitting people for no reason?

Not to be a harbinger of doom, but - have we investigated the possibility of a drug problem? Or - she's 12. Has she started her period yet? Is there a chance of a hormone issue?

I think I'd mention this to her doctor, so they can rule out a medical issue. Otherwise - if she has no explanation for what this happened, what's preventing happening it again?


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## sapientia

Crush, dare or possibly drugs. Stay calm but vigilant.

Thank the teacher for being so gracious. Seriously, this teacher could be the person who tells you something important you need to know about your daughter. Stay on their good side. Parents are so quick to defend their children but don't acknowledge the professionalism of the teachers. Speaking as an educator, btw. If a student slapped me, they'd be kicked out of my class end of. Of course, I am post secondary so not dealing with minors.

Abuse from the teacher is a possibility, but very unlikely based on your posts of the dialogue you had.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Starstarfish said:


> Sudden dropping grades, randomly hitting people for no reason?
> 
> Not to be a harbinger of doom, but - have we investigated the possibility of a drug problem? Or - she's 12. Has she started her period yet? Is there a chance of a hormone issue?
> 
> I think I'd mention this to her doctor, so they can rule out a medical issue. Otherwise - if she has no explanation for what this happened, what's preventing happening it again?


My 11 year old daughter saw a classmate smoking pot from her class while he was at his bus stop. He got on the bus and she said he smelled really bad. My 11 year old(middle school) tells me everything! From what I'm finding out is drugs can start in elementary school. They are easily available in every school. We live in a very rural area.

I'm not saying your daughter is experimenting, but there IS something going on that is bothering her or she's into something she's not suppose to be in. There is also alcohol, keep tabs if you have any in the house. I don't drink, but I cook with different types of alcohol and I had to lock it up in a cabinet. There could be a boy she was interested in and he rejected her? Maybe a fight with a best friend? Or possibly out of whack hormones?

I raised a difficult daughter/especially in her teens and my husband and I tried our best to figure out what the heck went on in her life. We never did find out, even the psychologist didn't work for us. We could not ever get an answer or the truth from her. My daughter acted out in other ways, she would of been expelled for hitting a teacher. There is a no bullying policy that the school really takes action on. My husband and I really worked hard and did the best we could. She would be on a good path for a long while, then veer off to a very bumpy road with terrible phases. 

Good luck. Raising my first child was extremely difficult. We gave her quite a bit of attention and we tried our best to make her life great. She was on the debate team, lettered twice in two separate activities, active in sports, and was on the honor roll most semesters(my h and I would sit with her for hours everyday making sure her homework was completed), but we still had many difficult issues with her.


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