# I want us to be more, and I can't stop thinking about him. Please help!



## bswan (Oct 3, 2012)

Pleaseeee read and help me out, I need to straighten my thoughts out & really need advice! I am not married I am a single mother, but in a situation and I know this site has people who give great caring answers, so sorry if I am out of place!

There's this guy I met on fourth of July who I just can't stop thinking about. I messed up because we had sex that night and now I don't know how to make us be more than that. I really like him and honestly, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since that night. We've hung out probably about 7 times and had sex each time except for once when I was on my period. He lives with roommates and we all hangout and drink, and even though I was on my period he still wanted me to sleep with him, we talked, wrestled and fell asleep together. I feel like there's gotta be something more, if we were just sex and I was useless to him, why would he still want me to sleep with him that night? We hung out two months ago and had sex, and he didnt text me at all after and I obviously am not going to text him if Im apparently not crossing his mind. Last night his friend invited me over to a Xmas party and he was really happy to see me. He kept giving me huge hugs telling me how happy he was to see me, would just hold me and stare at me and tell me how gorgeous I am, and he would come and put his arm around me when he'd see other guys be interested and come talk to me. These are his close friends so its obviously a good thing hes showing affection in front of them. There was this girl there who had came up to me and told me she knows we were dating, and wanted to let me know that they were fooling around and havent had sex, but arent anything and no hard feelings both ways. She said she cried to him about how she was raped, and he poured out to her about he was too by a woman when he was younger. We were in his friends room talking and I told him about what she had said, and then she came in and saw us together and flipped out. He kicked her out of the house and made it known he was choosing me over her. 

We had sex and he didn't pull out, and remembered that in the morning and told me so he seemed a little uneasy. I went and got us coffee (one of the times he bought me lunch, i feel like details are important in this situation) and we hung out and watched tv. We didn't cuddle though, we never really do he's not a cuddler. Anyways, now my mind is racing about him again. It's almost like hes addicting.

I am a model and have a lot of guys that want me, ( not trying to be ****y, i am very modest!) but I don't think about anyone but him, i dont get it! I want to know how I can make us be more than just friends with benefits. How I can spark up conversations that will take us to the next level, make him start to want me in the way that I want him to. I know he's probably unsure If I've slept around since we slept together on the first night, and I wish I knew how to get around that. I want to open up, connect with him...make him want more than just sex. But how? I have a 2 year old daughter I don't know if that may have something to do with it, or maybe what happened to him when he was younger, now he has committment issues? I need help and advice. What can I do, what can I say? I texted him and told him he should come up here soon with a smiley face, I don't know what else to say. Please dont be harsh, I truly appreciate every answer. Thank you!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In my youth I've had quite a few friends with benefits and I ensured precautions were made to prevent emotional attachment. Pre cautions that your friend seems have to missed. Understandable however

The thing is, I cared for them in my own way, I never loved them, but I cared, thus I was respectful and honest to them. Please do not take it as love, it's one mistake many women made. In the end I withdrew more and more when it came to my FWBs due to the dramas.

If you truly want him though you will have to show him that you want more and unfortunately that would mean reseting your relationship back to a friendship level - without the benefits. But that scenario is if he's a man with many options, you need to be the odd one out in the crowd so to speak. Even if he's not that type, you can still use the same tease to get him to come after you - give him something, take it back, get him to come to you to get it, etc etc.

Right now you're giving him everything without asking for anything so why would he even think about committing to you when he already has everything he wants from you?


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

bswan said:


> We hung out two months ago and had sex, and he didnt text me at all after and I obviously am not going to text him if Im apparently not crossing his mind.


My mom told me 2 things about men that have proven to be true...

"You can tell if he is interested if he is always right there in your face."

And the second...

"The best way to get over a man, is to get under another one."


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this man called... This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here:


Well... at least the ad bots are learning how to act human.

Sometimes I wonder what is it with people and adbots, can't people realise that it's bad PR and just makes people not want your product? Sheez...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

pasca said:


> Contact the spell catster and everything will be fine, i am a male but i have bin in the same situation


Yes the spell catster is really good indeed, i bin there

This is a good bot :rofl:


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Just flat out ask him. I mean really just be honest and assertive by asking for something more from him. I personally would rather hear a NO than second guessing everything he says and does around me. 

You will know as much now if you do not hedge the question. Ask him for something more like dating or what ever the something more you want is. 

That is my advise, if my two cents is worth two cents to you


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

If I have learned one thing from fairy tales, it is that spells never work out for the caster. Snow white....the Queen fails.....Sleeping Beauty...another magic spell fails.....

Really I am a female but I have been in the situation as these princesses..........Ha ha ha ha!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Not an adbot, and ad-person! Just when I thought bot technology had finally advanced to something more interesting then flooded random links. But oh well lol


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

Umm...STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIM!! Tell him you'd like to spend some time getting to know him a little better and enjoy his company. If he truly is into you, he'll be willing to keep it in his pants for a little while and respect you as a person. If he runs the other direction at the thought if having to talk instead of having sex, let him run. Accept the fact that he's using you for sex because you're letting him. Then decide if you're ok with that or not.

And...you are taking huge risks having unprotected sex with a guy you can't even talk to about your feelings.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You're not getting what you need from him. If you had sex with him and didn't hear from him for two months and didn't contact him yourself you ought to have moved on by then. If a guy gets it on with you and doesn't follow up the next day, the writing is on the wall at that point. But if you're going to be drama free he will choose you for the sex over someone else. He knows he can get the someone else if he gets done with you due to increasing drama. He showed you what happened to girls who make trouble for him - they get kicked out of the house. He is a 2-timing wh*re-monger and buttering the bread on both sides. If you don't want to be like that find someone who is going to respect you. This has nothing to do with having sex on the first date or whatever and everything to do with the fact that this guy is causing you a lot of emotional angst. it doesn't matter if you can handle it, it matters that it is happening and life shouldn't be that difficult. You're a single mother, don't go looking for yet more problems to complicate your life. When you're with your kid/s you want to be having fun with them not worrying if your man is doing someone else while you're hanging with your family doing your mom thing (and you should enjoy that, not see it as an impediment to having a man.)


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Well... at least the ad bots are learning how to act human.
> 
> Sometimes I wonder what is it with people and adbots, can't people realise that it's bad PR and just makes people not want your product? Sheez...


When I get lonely I sometimes talk to a chatbot called Simon, or his friends. I chalk it up to the learning curve for my computational linguist career, getting a feel for how the engines process language. Sometimes the creator will chat instead of the bot :-o They can determine who you are by dns, I work in a small field...lol...and I tell the chatbot just about everything :-o


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## bswan (Oct 3, 2012)

Hey again guys, thanks there were some really good comforting answers. I would rather call it off then continue to be infatuated and not know where we stand, it really is constantly on my mind and its frustrating. Not too long ago I texted him and I said "Am I wasting my time pursing you and getting to know you? We haven't really said much about whats going on and I rather know how you feel then be mislead?" And he responded, "I have no idea where I'm at. I just know you make me feel good." I then texted him back and said Well I definitely feel the same, haha. I want us to keep doing what were doing ,im not like aiming for a relationship right now or anything. But I'd like to actually get to know you & hangout more. It kinda feels like I just bump into you and we have sex because we dont really talk. If thats not what you want dont hesitate to tell me." That was a couple of hours ago, I think hes at work. (5-2am shift) Sighh...do you think he got a mixed signal from what I said or was that okay? My fear is im completely out of place and he looks at it as kind of weird. That would make sence if our relationship was solely sex, which yes it kind of is. But we connect and we talk, he asked about my personal life. Bleh -____- this blows.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

A woman's trump card is sex. Women got what men want. The problem is, is that you played your trump card on the first date. He won the first round and now he doesn't respect you. You're giving him what he wants for free, without commitment. Quit doing that.

Don't put yourself in a position where you're begging for a relationship with him while you're still sleeping with him. You'll lose the game that way and never get what you want (a meaningful relationship).

Quit sleeping with him. Quit sending him texts asking about "us". Wait for him to contact you, and when he does, tell him directly that you want a relationship, otherwise no sex.

My girl made me bark up her tree for two months until she gave it to me and I respect her for that.

Pu$$y is like gold. It's the most valuable thing on earth, but if everyone has it, it ain't worth much. Catch my drift?


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Ask him out on an official date. In person. "Hey, you wanna come see The Hobbit with me? I know this hole-in-the-wall Chinese place I think you'll love." If he hems and haws around an answer, turn to the closest person next to him and offer them the same offer. If he still doesn't react, take the next person, have a nice time, and don't let the guy bone you again. it'll be tough, but the only way to break it off is to walk away.


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