# Losing my son too



## Anke (Aug 24, 2011)

I was not married to my son's dad, and when we split up when my son was about 2 years old, we decided not to go through court. So legally, I'm the sole guardian. I have allowed my 16 year old to see his dad on a regular basis. It was important to me to show my son that his parents could have a good relationship for the sake of the child. I know his father cannot take him out of the state without my permission, but he's seeking a lawyer now as he wants to take my son to Boulder to live and finish Highschool there.
His father totally turned on me about Nov 2011 and has put these ideas (his ideas) into my sons head: ie he has no friends and MN is stupid. all MN's are stupid and he will only find salvation if he's moving to Boulder CO with his dad. In 4 words I can describe his dad: Narcissist and being in a "shared dilusional experience". I've told my son I can call the police and have him picked up. he says the police will only do that 3 times before they call it a "domestic issue" and quit interferring. I cannot let my child move with his father - his father is sick. My son's grandfather (he committed suicide in front of his own mother) was just like that. My son doesn't show any feelings - not when he sees how much he hurts me and his little brother and the rest of the family. I don't know what to do?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Tell your son you will consider letting him move IF he first goes to a counselor with you. Discuss it with the counselor - all of it - and let him hear what a professional has to say about it. 

That said, sometimes you just have to let a 16 year old boy try it out with his dad, to see what's really missing there (you, stability, love, etc.), or else he'll spend the rest of his life blaming you for him missing out.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If you think you can't afford a lawyer, go to United Way and find your local office and ask them for help.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Anke, 
I see a lot of my situation in yours. I was googling co-parenting and found an interesting site, co-parenting 101. They had a very informative article about co parenting with a narcissist. Hit home. Afraid my son is headed that way as well. We can only do what we can do. Some of it is beyond our control. Always act from a place of love, and then don't beat yourself up about it anymore. I find myself threatening the police as well (because his dad taught him through example not to respect me..) but I am not going to use that unless I have to (abuse of me or his brother,) because I feel it just further chips away at my own credibility as an authority figure/adult when I have to call a MAN in for backup. This is a tight spot. Turnera is right. Counseling-together-asap. Peace.


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