# anger



## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

I am finally there.

After three months of sadness, I am overwhelmed with anger towards my stbxh for literally walking away from all financial responsibilty and leaving me to pick up the pieces. I am angry at myself for putting the credit in my name and co-signing his car, which he stopped paying for. I have to try to find him and take the car back this weekend, repo style. Insanity. 

Have to sell my beloved car which I just paid off to take over his lease payments. Losing my medical insurance because he stopped paying his part of the bill. Don't know where he lives, can't call (cell phone shut off, guess why?!) 

There are many more issues. I can't eat. I have terrible nightmares and panic attacks. Can't afford therapy, electricity, rent or food. Friends are all married with kids and don't understand.

I feel like I will be in debt until I'm ready to retire. :/ I am so grateful for what I do have, but so scared for the future. Can't figure out how to get rid of this stress when creditors call non-stop and I can't pay for the basics. Anyone else going through this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

(((HUGS)))

I'm so sorry to hear MA


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Thanks, Up. I could really use an actual hug right now. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

If I could be your big spoon on a little couch, I would.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Omg you have no idea how much I would love that right now!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I can just feel everything pouring out of you right now, and I can tell you are angry and hurting. I am hugging you.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I feel very sad for you right now because i can feel your hurt more because you are one of the few constantly being supporting and caring for others. Its hard to see one of the stronger people hurting on here. 

I'm sending a hug and prayers to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

My daughter and I made some chocolate chip cookies if you want some, and I also have some peach cilantro sweet and sour duck left over from dinner if that sounds good?


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

Sorry to hear this MA. Use that pain to take stock of everything around you and see how you can control your environment and make sure that your x can't continue to harm you.

breathe deep. be well.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

Oh I am very sorry to hear it, MA. We are in very similar situation. But at least I am dealing with mostly emotional problem only. Yes, he left financial responsiblity (for shared stuff) with me as well but at least we are not as financially intertwined ( not paying his car bill). I can reach him if I need to, I just don't want to hurt myself with his coldness. I can feel your pain. You don't deserve it at all. Please PM me if you need.


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## boxhead201 (Jun 8, 2012)

I was in good financial shape until my STBXW had an EA. I bought a flat that I planned on retiring in. I used all of my $$ to buy this place; everything; 401k, roth, ira, everything. After the D is done, I will be losing more than half of my assets. I will not have enough to retire on. I will not been able to buy another place. I will be working for the rest of my life.

I was very angry about this at first, but I have resigned to the fact that it will be a wasted effort to try to get it back. I have given up and have to move on with what I have left.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

I'm sorry, MA. You so deserve better.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

Not sure where you live, but as for IC, can you try a local church or community health center that may offer services based on a sliding income scale?

Just found this site that offers a few alternative ideas: Finding Low-Cost Psychotherapy. 

Hope this helps!


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

How ya feeling this morning?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Im sorry MA - hugs it will get better


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

MSA,

I'm really sorry you're going through this. You always offer words of support and wisdom to me. All I can say is things will get better. Use that anger to start taking steps towards a new happier life. Don't give up. You will get through this.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Thank you all for your well wishes and understanding. I don't know what I would do without your support. No one in my life can relate and my family just blames me for letting my ex take advantage of me. Believe me, I would never have let a friend take the crap he has put me through. I feel like a fool. Someone told me last night that I should stop blaming myself, but I am finding this so difficult. I know that beating myself uo solves nothing, but I have heavy guilt and shame. How do you all deal with these emotions?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

You let them go.

The key part of detaching from the dysfunction of your partner is detaching yourself from your own pride.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

MyselfAgain said:


> Thank you all for your well wishes and understanding. I don't know what I would do without your support. No one in my life can relate and my family just blames me for letting my ex take advantage of me. Believe me, I would never have let a friend take the crap he has put me through. I feel like a fool. Someone told me last night that I should stop blaming myself, but I am finding this so difficult. I know that beating myself uo solves nothing, but I have heavy guilt and shame. *How do you all deal with these emotions*?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*We come to you for help and support?*

I am feeling all of this through you right now, and it is kind of unnerving because you are so strong. No pressure huh? 

I know I can tell you all about how you should not beat yourself up and all that, but you already know that. I don't understand the guilt and shame you are feeling because I have not seen anything from you that you should feel that way about.


I have a couple of arms around you right now. Go ahead and scream, cry, what ever you need to do, and just know that everything will be ok, alright?


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Conrad, I know, just having trouble letting go. What you say about pride and ego is very helpful...I will meditate on this.

Sam, I haven't really had my own thread where I've spelled out my story, so you only get bits and pieces. I read much more than I post, learning from different perspectives and sharing what I have learned. I have some parts down but I am by no means a pro at this! Thanks for pointing out that I am, in fact, human.

Honestly, the guilt and shame are relatively new and have more to do with this financial nightmare than anything. I was raised by a father whose top value in life is work, so just being in debt is an issue in the family. Said father has his own issues that have affected me in ways I am still working to figure out, but I am learning. When I posted this thread I was in a moment of deep weakness. Everyone's comments have lifted me up and I had a much stronger day today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

Hugs friend!

Anger can be used for positive change, I personally don't know how to deal with my own, or even let myself process it.


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

((HUGS)) you need to toss that guilt and blame out the window, and hold onto a little of that anger. deep breath, now tell yourself it's gonna be ok until a little smidge of you believes it.

sit down and write down all of your monthly bills. then write down your monthly income. figure out how much you're missing.
if i were you, i'd see about withdrawing your name as cosigner on his car. you can do this in michigan. call the company you have the loan through and explain the situation to them. keep your paid off car, see if you can raise your deductables to lower your payments. also call your credit card companies and see if you can lower your interest rate, or lower your minimum payment for a period of time, say the next 6 or 12 months? lower your cell phone plan, or switch to metro pcs or a trac phone. i pay $45 a month for metro for unlimited. you can also contact your gas and electric providers and get on a payment plan. call your cable/internet provider and threaten to switch to another provider that is offering a better deal. 9 times out of 10 they will lower your rate by giving you the "new customer" special.

when i first got divorced for my ex, and childsupport didn't kick in, i had pannick attacks because i was so overwhelmed and it just didn't seem possible that i could succeed. it felt like i was drowning. i did the above stuff. we also ate alot of ramen noodles, pasta with maranara, or eggs for dinner. you are strong, and you will make it through this. we are all here for you, just like you've been here for us. just imagine all of us with our arms around you, sending prayers and positive energy out into the universe for you.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Hope you are doing okay MA, thinking of ya.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

MyselfAgain said:


> Conrad, I know, just having trouble letting go. What you say about pride and ego is very helpful...I will meditate on this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm actually going to start a thread on this.

Kind of a Conrad Returns Follow-Up


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

:hugs:


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

oh MA what a scumbag - I'm not surprised you're feeling anger towards him, what kind of man does that? Not a real man that's for sure

You will be ok, sort out one thing at a time, you can't possibly do it all at once. But piece by piece get him out of your life and at some point it will all be done, then you can start to move forward

If it makes you feel any better at all my asshat ex called me yesterday to ask me to pay for his lawyer because he can't afford it and if he doesn't get one the house transfer (into my name) can't go through. I will be saddled with £200k debt because of him but you know what? It's worth it to be rid of him

Dolly hugs! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

MyselfAgain said:


> I am finally there.
> 
> After three months of sadness, I am overwhelmed with anger towards my stbxh for literally walking away from all financial responsibilty and leaving me to pick up the pieces. I am angry at myself for putting the credit in my name and co-signing his car, which he stopped paying for. I have to try to find him and take the car back this weekend, repo style. Insanity.
> 
> ...


There are companies that help people in your situation with consolidating their debt. I have never used any -- so I have no recommendations -- but I thought I would throw this out on your thread and maybe someone from TAM can chime in if they consolidated their debt.

Wishing you the best MA.


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

I'm sorry you are going through this MA... you always have a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen right here my dear.. 

Ladies like you and Dolly don't deserve to have bills dumped on you like this and I hope you both get your return tenfold...


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

Sorry to hear about your situation. It is pretty much where I am at too. We were/are up to our eyeballs in debt when she left and now that the dual income is gone, I am struggling to make ends meet. She has already hooked up with some guy and will probably be sharing income soon (if not already) and not be faced with the expense of living as a single person. It is also my son's 8th birthday soon and he is not likely to get the amount of presents he is used to. 

I have not got any words of advice on how to get through this period but just thought I would let you know that you are not the only one going through it.


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