# Conversation took place (not planned) and did NOT go well



## LilMissSunshine (Apr 10, 2015)

I sat down on the couch and said "Happy New Year" and then stated how I wanted to make it a great year. After a little more general conversation I asked - very nicely - about going to counseling so we could have the best shot for a great year and within 60 seconds of the conversation, his temper was out and he told me to 'shut up' three times. I was not intending on talking about staying vs. leaving since I had already decided not to have THAT conversation until I was sure I could follow through if the conversation went that direction. Did not expect to get that kind of response just asking about the other. I can see now that if I cannot broach that simple topic, I'll never get to the next level of talking about the anger issues and how that is creating such issues for me. I had not asked about counseling since July, so it isn't like I have been badgering him about it.

He also told me I am welcome to go and find somebody else and just to say the word if that's what I want.


<<<<<<<<SIGH>>>>>>>>>>>>>. NOT what I had hoped for at all. And what many of you predicted.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I will tell you from my own experience that living in misery is a terrible life. I know you keep holding on wishing things will change but you realize they will not, and he has told you over and over he doesn't care.

Ending a miserable marriage is like waking up from a coma, you will be amazed how wonderful life can be again.


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## LilMissSunshine (Apr 10, 2015)

I am just a puddle of mess right now. I know you're right. It's hard letting go. I'm trying.



Cooper said:


> I will tell you from my own experience that living in misery is a terrible life. I know you keep holding on wishing things will change but you realize they will not, and he has told you over and over he doesn't care.
> 
> Ending a miserable marriage is like waking up from a coma, you will be amazed how wonderful life can be again.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He's told you twice now to move on if you can't accept things as they are. Believe him.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Hon, I'm sorry.

You sound like such a lovely woman. When posters here relay their stories to you on your threads, you are always so uplifting and encouraging and thankful.

I hope you find a way to love yourself enough to find your way out of your loveless marriage. I know you're trying. I can see it in your posts. You deserve someone as lovely as you.


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## LilMissSunshine (Apr 10, 2015)

I am just losing it here. About to have a mental breakdown. I have nobody I can even talk to about this - at least not today. Tried calling my mom and she isn't home. I feel beat down right now. I can barely think to type. I know I must sound like a lunatic for not just walking.

[


lucy999 said:


> Hon, I'm sorry.
> 
> You sound like such a lovely woman. When posters here relay their stories to you on your threads, you are always so uplifting and encouraging and thankful.
> 
> I hope you find a way to love yourself enough to find your way out of your loveless marriage. I know you're trying. I can see it in your posts. You deserve someone as lovely as you.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

LilMissSunshine said:


> I am just losing it here. About to have a mental breakdown. I have nobody I can even talk to about this - at least not today. Tried calling my mom and she isn't home. I feel beat down right now. I can barely think to type. I know I must sound like a lunatic for not just walking.
> 
> [


Take a deep breath and keep posting. I don't want this to sound trite. But I promise it will be ok.

Can you call one of your friends you posted about?


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## LilMissSunshine (Apr 10, 2015)

I only have one non-relative that knows and she must be gone today, too. I will keep trying.



lucy999 said:


> Take a deep breath and keep posting. I don't want this to sound trite. But I promise it will be ok.
> 
> Can you call one of your friends you posted about?


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## LilMissSunshine (Apr 10, 2015)

I know. I am fighting it and don't know why. Really just having a hard time.



Openminded said:


> He's told you twice now to move on if you can't accept things as they are. Believe him.


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

Lilmiss, what was he like when you dated and married him? It wasn't always this hard, right? Maybe that's why you're holding on.


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## LilMissSunshine (Apr 10, 2015)

Yes - wasn't always this way. We have had 26 years together. That's a lot to give up on. 



nekonamida said:


> Lilmiss, what was he like when you dated and married him? It wasn't always this hard, right? Maybe that's why you're holding on.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It's hard to accept that a spouse doesn't want to do the work necessary to save the marriage (BTDT). But he's telling you very plainly -- twice now -- that he's good with the way things are. I know that's not what you wanted to hear -- no one does -- but it's reality. I'm very sorry it's come to this but it's better to know where you stand. My ex-husband was never willing to work on our marriage although he didn't want a divorce either. I was stuck in limbo for years because I was so sure he would one day change. He didn't. Yes, it's painful to end a long marriage but it's better than staying in a situation that doesn't work. I know that well.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

LilMissSunshine said:


> Yes - wasn't always this way. We have had 26 years together. That's a lot to give up on.




It’s not giving up. It facing the reality that things are no longer good and no longer serve you. It’s making a change so you can move ahead to better. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

What are you gaining from being with him? One of your threads says 'if nothing changes, leaving in four years', it's been nearly three years, why stay four? If he wants to keep you, he'll make an effort, if he doesn't really care, he wont make an effort. Perhaps you've been talking about leaving for so long without doing it, that he knows you never will and will continue to NOT meet your needs for the rest of your life. You should make a decision and stick with it. If you stay, then you accept him as he is and that he will likely not meet those needs. If you leave, it will be hard too but maybe you will find someone else. Life is too short to be endlessly miserable.


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