# Do I have the right to feel upset over this



## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Since I moved my H hasn't called to ask how I am, what I've been up to, or anything. Messaged a couple times but I initiated it. 

I know he has his own agenda and way to deal with this, but I did not think I would be completely cut out of his life to the extent where he doesn't even ask how I am. Is this the way it works with most people? 

I just find it rather rude.


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

I think it might just be a man thing. My H does the same thing, hardly ever asks how me and the kids are? Drives me completely bonkers.

Hang in there, it might just be his way of dealing with the situation.

In the meantime, I agree is it rude.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Clinging said:


> I think it might just be a man thing. My H does the same thing, hardly ever asks how me and the kids are? Drives me completely bonkers.
> 
> Hang in there, it might just be his way of dealing with the situation.
> 
> In the meantime, I agree is it rude.



I don't think you can catagorize all men as being the same here. I for one would never have considered ignoring my ex. I mean, we where a part of each other for 36 years and she is the mother of my children. I would always ask how she is doing. I know this would cause a rift if I were to have a new relationship with a SO but the new SO would have to understand that it is only a courtesy contact and that it would mean a lot to my children if I cared about how their mother was.

I can see how someone (man or woman) would ignore their SO if the marriage ended bitterly but in the case of caughtdreaming, it doesn't sound like it was bitter from what I read on her post.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

as the BS in my separation, it is I who have maintained minimal contact with W, nothing personal only "business". I think it is driving her crazy but she doesn't often initiate contact with me - not sure if its stubborness or something else. Guess I don't really care all I know is I'm coping much better not having to think about her issues.

edit: I also am polite and friendly when we do talk business, so I think she may percieve it as me showing affection, though to me I'm just being cordial for the sake of having a useful dialog.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Lon said:


> as the BS in my separation, it is I who have maintained minimal contact with W, nothing personal only "business". I think it is driving her crazy but she doesn't often initiate contact with me - not sure if its stubborness or something else. Guess I don't really care all I know is I'm coping much better not having to think about her issues.
> 
> edit: I also am polite and friendly when we do talk business, so I think she may percieve it as me showing affection, though to me I'm just being cordial for the sake of having a useful dialog.


Lon, buddy, you know I feel you on this man. I am talking like a teddy bear here but I can clearly understand in your situation. I would be doing the same as you. I am glad you are coping better with keeping it business only. Dude, you know I am still in the Limbo stage and hoping for the best for my situation but the cards are still being dealt and there are no gaurantees. Like I said on previous posts to you, your situation called for a lot of pain - a lot of pain. I don't know if I would have considered reconciliation in your case; strike that, it would have taken every ounce of my being to overlook what she has or is doing to you and your child. I know there is something/someone far better than you can imagine for you out there.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Okay, update. He says he doesn't think it's a good idea to talk to me. Obviously this means he knows I'm still hoping it could work out, and doesn't want to hurt me. 

That a-hole. I should be the one tearing his heart out not the other way around. Seriously, if any of you seen us in real life you'd be like- so why is he the one leaving you? Ahhh life is so unfair!!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

CD, I wouldn't try to look to deeply into what it means. Could be he is unsure of what he wants and doesn't want to say or do anything else that will further limit his options. So if you really want to get at him, and get yourself ahead, start limiting those options for him.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

My stbxh has no contact with me when he goes on his 2 week long jaunts. I do not exist, I feel and that's probably close to the truth.

But perhaps, in the wee hours of the night....

It doesn't really matter because it doesn't change anything that is happening or that has happened.

Divorce court date is 7 days from today.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

caughtdreaming said:


> Okay, update. He says he doesn't think it's a good idea to talk to me. Obviously this means he knows I'm still hoping it could work out, and doesn't want to hurt me.
> 
> That a-hole. I should be the one tearing his heart out not the other way around. Seriously, if any of you seen us in real life you'd be like- so why is he the one leaving you? Ahhh life is so unfair!!


Is he nearby or did he move out? Do you have any close male friends that are good looking - that are not married? Just wondering cause you can turn the tables on him. If you really wanted to get his stomach churning you could simply find a date and make sure he sees you with your date. Dress nicely, etc. Wanna see a guy drop his sh***t even if he thinks he is done with you -do that! LMAO! Expect to get a text or a phone call, then tell him you think you shouldn't talk to him. Done.

Sorry, but it felt good writing that.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I'm a guy. My x wife divorced me after 18 years because she wasn't happy. I tried everything I knew before we were divorced to work things out, but she wasn't interested. We live in the same town and I have the kids a lot, so I don't have to ask how they are doing. I do not ask how she is doing. She wanted to act an idiot and get a divorce, so I'm not one of these who is going to stay in contact and run over every time a door hing needs oiling. 

She has had a few issues with house and vehicle since I've been gone. She didn't ask for help, and I didn't offer. 

I really don't try to act hateful or anything, it may just be my personality. I tried my best to please her while I was there, so, she wanted a divorce, so my services are no longer part of the deal.

If that sounds rude, too bad. After giving her 18 years of my adult life, I thought the divorce was rather rude!


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I don't think any one of us can tell you if your feelings are right or wrong. They are your feelings.

Maybe he doesn't contact you because he is hurting as well. And maybe he is trying to distance himself from you and the situation because he doesn't want to give you false hope.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

My husband used to call me twice a day - everyday for all these years since we met and exchanged numbers. Its a routine. No matter how busy, he would find the time to call. Since he moved out, nothing. I don't even know where he lives now. I am not gonna ask and I am not gonna call. I did nothing to hurt that man.

Your question, do you have a right to feel upset? I don't know, its hard to say. But I feel that when you're no longer gonna be with someone, it helps to cut off communication completely. Talking is only gonna bring back the pain, unless of course if you have children together, then you have no choice but to talk.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

caughtdreaming said:


> Since I moved my H hasn't called to ask how I am, what I've been up to, or anything. Messaged a couple times but I initiated it.
> 
> I know he has his own agenda and way to deal with this, but I did not think I would be completely cut out of his life to the extent where he doesn't even ask how I am. Is this the way it works with most people?
> 
> I just find it rather rude.


My other post about no-contact with my x wife was totally about my feelings to her. I noticed in your other posts that your husband left you, so yes, you have the right to feel like you do. If you're like me, the whole thing may be a puzzle that seems like will never be figured out.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You moved out and you're angry he's not following after you? I think you're done. He thinks you're done.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

southbound said:


> I'm a guy. My x wife divorced me after 18 years because she wasn't happy. I tried everything I knew before we were divorced to work things out, but she wasn't interested. We live in the same town and I have the kids a lot, so I don't have to ask how they are doing. I do not ask how she is doing. She wanted to act an idiot and get a divorce, so I'm not one of these who is going to stay in contact and run over every time a door hing needs oiling.
> 
> She has had a few issues with house and vehicle since I've been gone. She didn't ask for help, and I didn't offer.
> 
> ...


Yip, I wouldn't go oil the hinges either. However, we both work in the same building, she is my childrens mother, she is maintaining thru cancer, and I could look at this as appreciating she gave me my freedom back - unless we reconcile (we will have to be better if this happens)! Also, although she may be able to, I cannot erase 30+ yrs of great moments that we gave each other. Yes, she threw that away, tossed it aside but it still meant something to me so I don't regret any of those good times. And, I would rather just be cordial and say hello, than have to see her in the hall every once and a while and be reminded of how miserable she made me feel for a very long time.

But would I go check the car that won't start for her? No! She voted for giving all of that up the day she asked for the divorce.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

southbound said:


> If that sounds rude, too bad. After giving her 18 years of my adult life, I thought the divorce was rather rude!


Okay, I hope none of the men on here get offended. I was in no way picking on the men! I don't think anyone else was either. It doesn't matter which sex we are.



Runs like Dog said:


> You moved out and you're angry he's not following after you? I think you're done. He thinks you're done.


No. I am not the one who wanted to leave the relationship. 

Furthermore, I am not "angry" I am upset (as in hurt) that someone who used to call me from work 2 times a day, messaged me throughout the day, and who tried to spend every waking minute with me, has pretty much cut me out of his life. 

It just hurts how easy it seems to be for the people who leave. 

It is better however, that I do not talk to him.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

brighterlight said:


> Is he nearby or did he move out? Do you have any close male friends that are good looking - that are not married? Just wondering cause you can turn the tables on him. If you really wanted to get his stomach churning you could simply find a date and make sure he sees you with your date. Dress nicely, etc. Wanna see a guy drop his sh***t even if he thinks he is done with you -do that! LMAO! Expect to get a text or a phone call, then tell him you think you shouldn't talk to him. Done.
> 
> Sorry, but it felt good writing that.


Lol! I wish I could do this but unfortunately I live no where near him as I had to move back east. He doesn't come home except for the holidays either. 

Now, the best chance I would have is to make a grand entrance over the holidays at an event both our families and ourselves will be at. I would enter with new better looking boyfriend on arm while he and his whole family watch. Oh Ive been thinking of many ways to make his stomach churn. 
I'm usually not this evil but, he deserves it. - I deserve it!

The holidays are still far away though, so if I'm still feeling this way when they arrive I will definitely be instituting the plan above.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

caughtdreaming said:


> Lol! I wish I could do this but unfortunately I live no where near him as I had to move back east. He doesn't come home except for the holidays either.
> 
> Now, the best chance I would have is to make a grand entrance over the holidays at an event both our families and ourselves will be at. I would enter with new better looking boyfriend on arm while he and his whole family watch. Oh Ive been thinking of many ways to make his stomach churn.
> I'm usually not this evil but, he deserves it. - I deserve it!
> ...


YES! High Five! :2gunsfiring_v1: Good for you and you do deserve it. I would love to be a fly on the wall for that one. LMAO!


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

brighterlight said:


> Yip, I wouldn't go oil the hinges either. However, we both work in the same building, she is my childrens mother, she is maintaining thru cancer, and I could look at this as appreciating she gave me my freedom back - unless we reconcile (we will have to be better if this happens)! Also, although she may be able to, I cannot erase 30+ yrs of great moments that we gave each other. Yes, she threw that away, tossed it aside but it still meant something to me so I don't regret any of those good times. And, I would rather just be cordial and say hello, than have to see her in the hall every once and a while and be reminded of how miserable she made me feel for a very long time.
> 
> But would I go check the car that won't start for her? No! She voted for giving all of that up the day she asked for the divorce.


I'll admit, that is the tough part of all this. We divorced after 18 years, and those were good years up until the end. This is one of the weirdest, most difficult things in life. When I took my wife, she just became part of me not to be cast aside. 

When someone just decides they don't want you anymore after sharing 18 years, it can't help but scare those years as well. It doesn't change them, but it leaves a huge puzzle with pieces scattered everywhere. 

I believe too that if she had just been willing to work on it, our marriage could have been even stronger than ever and someday we would be celebrating our 50th anniversary with all the kids and grandkids. Instead, she wanted to commit this dumb act and apparently pursue some other form of happiness. 

I'm over my initial anger, but I just don't have any time for an adult who would act so childish and selfish.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

brighterlight said:


> YES! High Five! :2gunsfiring_v1: Good for you and you do deserve it. I would love to be a fly on the wall for that one. LMAO!


If you're still on TAM around the holidays I will absolutely give you a play by play with pleasure!


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

caughtdreaming said:


> If you're still on TAM around the holidays I will absolutely give you a play by play with pleasure!


I will be looking on here for it. Could always use a good, "In your face story!" 

Whatever my future holds, I don't mind getting back on here to see how everyone is doing. At the very least, maybe I can help some folks on here and give them hope. There are very few things more painful and life sucking than going through what we are going through in here and anything I can do to help someone feel better would make me feel like I am contributing something good to this world.

Anyways, yip. I would love to know how:

A. pissed off he gets
B. Many times he has to change his drawers after he sees you
C. He looks walking on his knees as he asks you how you are.

and if he cries or grovels and gets on his knees, well, I would rather not picture that so as to not wet my pants laughing.

:rofl:

But, it's OK, I wouldn't expect him to do any of that, I think you will get the right vibe from his reaction. Take comfort in the fact that you have moved on. No matter what he says, I can almost gaurantee you that if I saw my ex with another man, no matter how far along I was on my own or with someone else, I would still get that slight nausia/vomiting/diahrrea feeling just because I would be pissed off that she has replaced me with someone else that is making her happy. I don't know what it is but it's kind of like a little boy that gets a new toy - what does he do, he stores/hides the old toy somewhere while he plays with the new toy but I'll be damned if anyone is going to take my old toy, uh uh, I'm keeping that for POSSIBLE use later! So it would be like, how dare this OM take my old toy - ESPECIALLY IF THE OLD TOY SEEMS TO LOOK BETTER AND ACT BETTER THAN WHAT I REMEMBERED. 

I know, probably a terrible analogy but hey, I get a chuckle out of the thought that you are going to do great and it makes me feel better that finally, one of us is doing pay-back time.


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