# Can you shed a light on 180 question?



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

OK since we separated we had almost no contact to talk about things .I have a lot of Q. and we need to talk about it.

Do you think that i will ruin my 180 if i contact him to tell him we need to talk about things ,like the rest of the things in storage , financial situation ,children.....etc. 

If i tell him that he needs to make a trip so we can talk about these things,,,not us but only these things..will that be bad?!

As you know he is still confused ,hasn't said his final...i don't want to disrupt the process for him but it might take a while and these things need to be addressed.
i mean they are not urgent but i'm missing things from storage for example:shelves from my entertainment center ,night lights,my daughter's bike helmet and pads... little things like that ..things that i need ...i can buy new ones but we have them...well the shelves i can't buy... 

Perhaps he will see that i'm getting serious about the separation...and I actually am...i don't see him changing his mind anytime soon.

Ugh what to do?


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

When I separated, the list I tried to follow is in my story. 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation-stories/21986-counseling-reconciliation-success.html

I would try to limit contact to e-mail, internet chatting, and texts. Talking on the phone can be really hard, and the one time I tried to call to talk it went terribly. We both started crying about 45 seconds in and got mad.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Agree, no phone or face to face if you can.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Well he will probably come down this month to see his kids...so i will have to see him....i guess i better wait to address these things if/when he comes.
I''m doing the 180 since Saturday so i better not talk to him at all...
Thanks guys.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

vivea said:


> Well he will probably come down this month to see his kids...so i will have to see him....i guess i better wait to address these things if/when he comes.
> I''m doing the 180 since Saturday so i better not talk to him at all...
> Thanks guys.


Last thing I'd do is talk on the phone. If you can't wait until he comes down do it by email and keep it brief and businesslike. Pretend you are talking to the utility company or coworker. 

What I'd do when he comes down is have a short talk ONLY about what you need and then leave him alone the kids. Be cordial and polite but brief. Leave the house or go into the next room and shut the door. 

That'll send a message. 

You really need to give it more time. You've been doing the 180 since Saturday and today is Monday. I don't think you are sending any message or doing yourself any good talking to him anytime soon. 

What you need to do is keep the emotion out of your dealings with him. You won't be able to do this the way you are feeling. You've been through a lot of emotional upheaval, you need to let the dust settle.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Thanks Freak..everything that you say makes a lot of sense,i was thinking exactly that -when he comes i need to go places and not be home most of the time.
You're right,i need to send the message and I'll try not to have any contact at all until it's urgent or something,i can live without my shelves if i have to... lol


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