# I'm fed up with my life and dunno what to do also.. Please help........



## gothpig (Oct 2, 2010)

I'm a 25 years old woman from Turkey, who is living in India right now cause of the person that I thought he was 'the one'..
I met my boyfriend (although we were prefering to say that we are each other's fiancee, I don't even wanna tell anyone that he is my boyfriend right now) online while I was playing an online game, and from first day we started chatting with each other. 

I was with another man at that time who was abusing, degrading and restricting me all the time and try to loot my family's money continuously, even slapping me sometimes (I couldn't tell that 'beating' after all I've been through in this country for one year, he never has gone too far, you will understand me after I explain my present life here) I was living with him in another city other than my hometown after graduated from university, and all he was doing is lying down all day, expecting me to buy some or other stuff for home or him (ok sometimes me :S) and our house was like a zoo seriously, and I was paying all the expenses about our pets too (2 dogs, 2 cats, 13 tarantula, 2 big aquarium, 3 hamster, 2 hermit crab etc (god I'm missing them really much)) and although my mom was giving most of the money that we were spending and paying my credit card bills, he had hated my mom always, and even was telling me, after our marriage I wouldn't be able to see my family anymore.

In this situation I met my present boyfriend and I wasn't having any single person to talk about my problem, the prison I've been living in for 2,5 years or anything about my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. And I wasn't able to tell my mom cause she was already hating him so much, she would do something (like talking to his parents or so) then I was thinking then everything could go worse (cause he threatened me manier times by killing me and all of our pets then himself if I break up, or telling everything to my dad, who wasn't knowing any single thing about my relationship, or that I'm living with a guy in that city, and maybe my dad wouldn't kill me but that news could give him a heart attack)

So simply I started sharing my nightmare life with my present boyfriend over chat and he was so caring, sweet and cute, and actually he was literally concerned about me so much that he even tried to call my mom, my bro etc. And with bravery he gave me, I was able to get rid of my ex-bf and be brave enough to stand against him. These things impressed me so much that I fell in love with him, or I thought so. I was needing some love and care from somebody and he gave me that time.. so we started calling each other bf and gf, then we talked about 6 months or so, things were getting deep and I wasn't even able to sleep without talking with him, or seeing him on cam. (I payed 1000$ phone bill one month :S)

Then I decided I wouldn't be able to live without him and I decided to to go to india. He was studying animaton in India and I decided to join his institude, and it wasn't hard for me to convince my parents cause I'm already graduated from fine arts (I'm a painter according to my degree ) and they were knowing that I wanted to study on animation always. So they accepted to support me and I came over here, for my new life.
In starting everything was perfect,we moved in together, he was that cute and caring guy which I met online and fell for, our sex life was booming, We were having fun, he was funny but after 1,5 months everything started changing slightly.

He starteg getting angry so easy and it has seemed like that each and every action of me was bothering him so much, (my weight, my talking style, my accent, my shyness to ppl (i'm not great with talking with ppl or making new friends, and till this age I was never able to change it, it's really hard for me, and whenever I try to change this thing about me I blew it up, so I'm happy like this), my love for animals (which i could never change) my shopping craze which is cause of I'm in a totally different and exotic country obviously, and every other small things which I can't even make a list of them (I can't even remember, they are so much)) he started with leaving me in restaurant alone and running away whenever he gets mad and I can assure you that wasn't happening once in a week that was and is happening almost every 2 days. Then he hit my arm someday, I was really angry cause I thought 'What the f*** he is doing? he knows why I broke up with my ex-bf? if he is doing the same thing what was the purpose of leaving my ex-bf?'. I shouted him that day, he went out wherever we are at that point and told me 'I'm sorry darling but I think I won't be able to stop myself doing that ever, If you want I will leave for my parents' house right now, It was just a kick like you kick your friends in a joke way'. I was in love with him so much, I told him not to be stupid and come back. He came back of course, but in that point by forgiving him, I'm seeing now I made the biggest mistake of my life.

After that day, I don't know the exact time when everything started, he started being more and more angry and that anger keeps coming more easier day by day. 

And about hitting, I was telling about my ex-bf that I couldn't tell it beating after all I've been through here.
I mean to say, he started beating me like hell. Whenever he gets mad that's happening. First it started with punching only, then his belt, then broom, then here in india servants are using some wooden thing to wash the clothes, which is looking like a bit cricket bat but more thick, that thing, actually whatever he gets in his hand, he even run to me with knife 2 or 3 times, even lighter (to burn me obviously) and whenever he gets mad he starts screaming like anything like ' I will kill you darling! I will kill you!' even today i got beaten, my back is swollen even my skin came out a little bit cause of that wooden bat.

He says when I get scared of him, I'm starting being nervous so much I'm making more mistakes, (I'm even starting shaking cause of fear, he slaps me so hard, he hit my back, my arms, my legs even my head, that I start shouting cause of pain, how wouldn't I possibly be scared of him?) and according to that that makes him more angry. He says If he is my love I shouldn't be scared of him. Even If i cry that makes him more angry and he starts hitting more hard.

He is asking me questions like 'why are you like this!' , what I possibly can say to this question? and If I'm not answering I'm gone again too.

He gets mad cause I'm not practising m studies, he gets mad cause i'm not losing weight, he gets mad cause I'm not talking with ppl much (I don't even wanna live, and he expects me to make new friend) he gets mad cause I can't be a totally different person I suppose..

I can't even talk with him normally, or discuss something, even I have some problems with him, even I'm having some points (for ex: porn addiction, maybe It's not a big deal for most of the people but it makes me feel like I'm being cheated) that I would like him to change but, I can't even tell, whenever I tell him, he gets mad again.

Actually I really don't know what is NOT making him angry..
Sometimes I can't even understand what he wants from me. I'm so tired of getting beaten and hiding my bruises from everybody and wearing long sleeved clothes in this hot weather.

I thought to talk with his friends, I know they have no idea that he is a real monster like this, but each and everytime I'm changing my decision. 

If I make a police complain even, his life will be over, cause of I'm a foreigner. (cause if something happens wrong with me here, it would be and international issue)

I made the biggest mistake of my life choosing this guy over my family and friends, and I really don't know what to do. I can't even go back to my country without finishing my studies and I can't survive here without help of somebody also, cause i can't speak any word of Hindi.

I just want to see a light which I'm not able to see by myself in this dark tunnel, i just need some hope and a reason to live in this f***ing world!

Please give me some advice, please help me, I don't know where else to go other then here....


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## gothpig (Oct 2, 2010)

I know it's really long but please try to read and give some advice, I'm so lost..


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

You say you are fed up, but you won't do anything about it. You say you don't know what to do, but you do know what to do. You just won't do it so you protect him instead of protecting yourself. How can anyone help you if you don't want to get help?


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## gothpig (Oct 2, 2010)

I want help, But I also want a way out without harming anybody too... :S I'm so much confused.


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## sweetpea (Jan 30, 2007)

Why cant you go back to your home without finishing your studies? Can you ask your parents for money to return home? Maybe, you could talk to someone in the Turkish embassy about your situation, and see how the embassy might be able to help you get out. I am just little confused on why you cant go home.

Do you have friends from school? I would ask to stay with a friend for several days until you come up with a plan to leave your boyfriend. Or, you could goggle domestic violence and see if any resources show up for you. There might be a shelter for you to stay in without having to get the police involved in your life. Your living situation is not healthy, and the sooner you leave, the better off you will be....

Please let us know that you are ok. I hope you are able to find the strength and courage to leave the bastard.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

He might really want to kill you one day. Run before it's too late! Run to your embassy and seek help. Go home!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gothpig (Oct 2, 2010)

i can't leave without finishing my studies cause my parents helped me so much financially even if they are retired, by paying my fees and even now i'm not working i'm surviving with their money, so i can't let them down.. So whatever i need to do i should do something without bothering anyone except my self and him. I will do something and let you know as soon as possible till that time i will keep you updated for sure, thank you all for your support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## taylor78 (Sep 4, 2010)

You should notify the police and get help. When I was in college, some of my friends were international students so I'm very aware of your situation but domestic violence is not tolerable here in the United States. You need to stop protecting him or you will fail on your studies, wasting expensive tuition.


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## GAURAV123 (Mar 31, 2011)

hii this is garry,

i'm also from India, u will not like to read after seeing INDIA but tell u very frankly not all r same. be brave and kick on hiss ass and run to ur country,


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