# Having a really bad feeling



## Totally alone (Jun 24, 2012)

Hi,

Im not sure if my husband is having an affair but things have changed in him. The last month at least he is different he wont let see the bank account, give me money. I do work from home we have three kids. He told me we should have our own accounts so I can monitor my income from working at home. He still make like 3 times more than I do, but wont help with things the kids need, groceries, and gas.

One day I asked him for money, just until I got paid, and he told me to stop begging. That was my 1st red flag.

three weeks ago I noticed he has a really high sex drive, he also has suffered from ED for over 9 years, and all of a sudden he doesnt have a problem any more. 2nd red flag.

I then noticed he was "picking" on me and the kids all the time. He has started putting me down, telling me Im worthless and useless. and that no man would ever find me beautiful and attractive. 3rd red flag.

Tonight he had 3 sex dreams he acted them out in his sleep, and all three times he called out another womans name, and it sure wasnt mine. He has NEVER done that before. We have been married for 19 yrs. 

I dont know what to do, i always make sure the house is perfect, I do my very best to keep him happy, dinner is always ready. and try to stay positive on family outings.

My heart and gut are telling me to take the kids and leave.

Please help with some advice, is this really worth saving.

PS if I confront him or stand up for myself he does become agressive by making himself look bigger and louder


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I can't recall having 3 sex dreams in the last 20 years let alone one night. And he said someones name during the dreams? How did he act them out? No offense but this part of the story seems hard to believe. IMHO.

You may have to do a little spying to get your answers. If the bank account is in both of your names, go to the bank. There are voice activated devices you can buy at radio shack to see what he is saying in his car. How about his cell phone....can you check it for texts of strange numbers?

19 years fits right into the mid life crisis possibility period from my experience. If you want to save the marriage, read divorce busting.

I wish you well!


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It definitely sounds as though you have a problem. Is he concerned about his appearance? Lying about things? Disappearing for hours? Changing passwords?

Since you need some serious advice, I'm going to move your thread over to the infidelity section. There are a lot of good people who hang out there who can tell you exactly what you need to know.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Keylog the PC, get a VAR to hhide in the car, check the phone records


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I have had sex dreams in which I was having sex with women other than my wife. But they had no significance as I was dreaming I was someone else! So this might not be a red flag, but it could be.

However, the other stuff are red flags of either cheating or that your husband is not happy in his marriage, but has not had the courage to tell you.

You need to get some legal advice ASAP.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Stay low and start gathering evidence. Don't spill out everything yet. Can you get a GPS and a keylogger?


----------



## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Yes, I would like to repeat what warlock said.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Trust your gut and go James Bond on his butt. Do your own investigation and get the proof that will help you take the next step with confidence and validation.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

1. Get tested for STD's.
2. Don't leave unless he becomes abusive.
3. Try to stay positive.

Do you have family you can talk with, a minister?


----------



## Totally alone (Jun 24, 2012)

So it has been a few days. I talked to him about the dreams, mostly because of what he said in the dreams, it hurt, along with him calling out "her" name he told her she was so much better than me. Makes me feel sick. The way he acted when I talked to him was horrible, if he wasnt doing anything wrong he would have been hoping mad at me for me confronting him. Instead he said he didnt know her ( she works with him) and he just shurgged his shoulders, looked away, and walked out of the room. The rest of the weekend he blamed me for evrything little thing, from how I drive, how he hates the way I raise the kids, which by the way are all straight A students, I have thaught them how to cook, help with the kitchen, how to do laundry, how to be compassionate. I sit and help them with their home work.
He told me to stop talking to the neighbours, like small talk. 

Then today he came home from work later than usual. And was happy and willing to talk to me like we were a family again. He hasnt done this for weeks. 

To bad i went and found a lawyer, or maybe he got his thing off with her and feels better. Who knows. But it really makes me mad.


----------



## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Totally alone said:


> So it has been a few days. I talked to him about the dreams, mostly because of what he said in the dreams, it hurt, along with him calling out "her" name he told her she was so much better than me. Makes me feel sick. The way he acted when I talked to him was horrible, if he wasnt doing anything wrong he would have been hoping mad at me for me confronting him. Instead he said he didnt know her ( she works with him) and he just shurgged his shoulders, looked away, and walked out of the room. The rest of the weekend he blamed me for evrything little thing, from how I drive, how he hates the way I raise the kids, which by the way are all straight A students, I have thaught them how to cook, help with the kitchen, how to do laundry, how to be compassionate. I sit and help them with their home work.
> He told me to stop talking to the neighbours, like small talk.
> 
> Then today he came home from work later than usual. And was happy and willing to talk to me like we were a family again. He hasnt done this for weeks.
> ...


Frankly, it sounds like you have a terrible marriage. He treats you very poorly, and doesn't seem to care. Dollars to doughnuts he is having an affair. It's even possible he was awake when he was saying those things in his "dreams", just to get your goat.

Is there a reason he could be so resentful of you? He sounds like someone TRYING to hurt his wife's feelings. So sorry you are in this position - think about what it could be that has him so resentful. If you really can't think of anything, it's an affair, 100%.


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Were there better times in marriage. And if he steps towards to to try and intimidate you simply advance. It sounds like he is a bully. If he gets aggressive you get aggressive. Don't turn away, don't turn your head, plant your feet and look him in the eyes. Show him no fear. If he hits you immediately call the police. 
It sounds simple but fear is an emotion. It can be conquered just when he gets aggressive talk to your self. Think of everything wrong he has done. Get mad muster up all that pent up aggression and don't move and inch or better yet take a step towards him. If he lays a finger on you wait until the situations settles down and he leaves the room call the police. 
Hell you don't even have to wait for the police to call you, if you feel he is threatening you enough to fear for your safety call the police. Domestic violence once it starts escalates. Stop it before it starts and until he starts acting remorseful don't back down. Don't give up, don't surrender, and once you make a decision do it. 

Once he realizes his aggression won't shut you up one of two things will happen. He will escalate the situation and you can send him to prison or two he will stop using the bully tactics. either way it is better than being bullied.


----------



## Totally alone (Jun 24, 2012)

He hates me for having my own business. I wanted to stay home with the kids and raise them. He is angry because I had a great career when I was pregnant with my first baby, which is almost 13 now. He wanted me to go back to work after 3 months so he could quit his job and take care of the baby. I told him unless he knew how to breast feed it wasnt going to happen. The other babies came along, and I started working my business from home, and being happy. As soon as Im happy he needs to stomp all over me.

I have a passion for arabian horses and train and show them, he hates that too.

Wow, it sounds like he hates everything about me. When I ask him if he loves me he says your still here arent you, but in the same breath he will say he feels stuck with me. 

Maybe he does want out and just doesnt know how to say it.


----------



## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

What do *you* want? A man who doesn't share your passions? who doesn't support your career choices? who abuses you infront of the children? who fails to appreciate your sacrifices?


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Totally alone said:


> Hi,
> 
> Im not sure if my husband is having an affair but things have changed in him. The last month at least he is different he wont let see the bank account, give me money. I do work from home we have three kids. He told me we should have our own accounts so I can monitor my income from working at home. He still make like 3 times more than I do, but wont help with things the kids need, groceries, and gas.
> 
> One day I asked him for money, just until I got paid, and he told me to stop begging.


"Stop beggin"? What the heck?

He'll be the one begging you to not take him to the cleaners via alimony and child support once you verify he's cheating. Party time is over for Mr. "I'm gonna keep it all for myself" money bags... I've seen the mentality before..."your money is ours, my money is mine". He's in for a very rude awakening I'd guess.


----------



## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

donny64 said:


> "Stop beggin"? What the heck?
> 
> He'll be the one begging you to not take him to the cleaners via alimony and child support once you verify he's cheating. Party time is over for Mr. "I'm gonna keep it all for myself" money bags... I've seen the mentality before..."your money is ours, my money is mine". He's in for a very rude awakening I'd guess.


Yeah, this situation is f*cked. Why on earth are you putting up with this guy? He has serious disdain for you - I see no love at all from what you have posted here.


----------

