# Masturbation after seperation ????



## Bafuna

Hie all

Here is my dilemna. I have been seperated from my Husband for going to 6 months now, his idea after he had been cheating on me for all of the 10 yrs we were married and me forgiving him and hoping it would all get better. In 2012 we had sex 'once', he refused all my advances and was just not intersted. 

When he said we should seperate I was hurt and went through a tough time for some time, then I found my strength and realised he had set me free from what could have been a lifetime of abuse. I am so optimistics about life all of a sudden. Problem is my sexual drive has come back, after all those years of repressing my sexuality because the one person i was supposed to be sleeping with wouldnt have me.

I wont sleep with anyone still, but have discovered masturbation as a way of release. I do want to get married and not burn with lust but I couldnt make a rush decision concerning marriage even if I had met someone.


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## Bafuna

Is Masturbation a sin. What options do I have for sexual release??


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## mablenc

I don't think there is any way to get sexual release any other way, it's sex or masturbation.:scratchhead:

Sorry if you feel it's a sin, I don't see what else you can do.


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## Mr Blunt

Bafuna
I have not seen any where in the Bible where Masturbation is mentioned as a sin, have you?

Even James Dobson the very conservative Christian psychologist and author does not find that masturbation is a sin. He says something like this; it would be a very cruel joke to put such strong a sexual urge in mankind without a release. What about nocturnal (Wet) dreams? They are involuntary right; how can that other release be a sin?


I tend to think that something as important as sin would have several references in the Bible but I find none. I will change my opinion if anyone finds any scriptures that say masturbation is a sin.

It has been said that 90% of teenage boys ages 13-15 admit to masturbating and the other 10% lie. Your natural sexuality is very healthy IMO

I admire your resolve to not sleep with anyone and your concern for not wanting to sin


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## Maneo

Today, most but the most conservative and fundamentalist of religious sects do not view self gratification in your situation as sinful. Perhaps some counseling with your pastor or other religious clergy would be of benefit to you.


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## Bafuna

Thanks guys, anyone with a different opinion with supporting evidence?


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## Hope1964

I don't believe masturbation is a sin, but I was brought up to believe it is. There's a scripture somewhere that says something about spilling seed that was always brought up....this must be it

"Genesis Chapter 38

9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled [it] on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."

I was always told that this means God was displeased with Onan for spilling his seed, but the way it reads to me, God was probably more displeased with Onan for sleeping with his brothers wife. I dunno.

I was also taught that the repeated theme of children being blessed and that sex is supposed to produce children also means that masturbation, for men anyway, is taboo.

Here's some more supposedly anti-masturbation Bible quotes:

BIBLE VERSES ABOUT MASTURBATION


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## MiseryIsHere

I wish I could explain it in the way I learned about it but I wont even be able to come close. Just as we tend to view our wedding bands as a sign of our marriage, God created sex to be a sign of our marriage. Sex combines us into one and was only meant for marriage. By masturbating, you are not sharing that form of love with your spouse and instead are self-gratifying with something that is meant for only the two of you. Im not sure if this is actually the right sermon or not but Southeast Christian church has a sermon about this so Ill add the link. I thought it was part of the Week 3 sermon about Porn but like I said, I could be wrong. As far as "release," it is recommended that you pray and mentally fight the urges. It can be done. Exercise and getting your mind off of it can help as well.
Southeast Christian - Sermons Home


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## Mavash.

I've done a TON of bible studies and the general consensus is the bible is SILENT on masturbation.

That means YOU need to decide for yourself.

That whole verse on not spilling the seed has NOTHING to do with masturbation when you read the whole story in context.

I once did some research for a friend because she wouldn't even do bj's because she thought THAT was a sin. LOL


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## ramgoolams

The sinfulness of the act of self-gratification lies only in YOUR heart. The fact you sought an answer to the question suggests you have the answer, but are not comfortable with walking the path. Seek Him, and the answer will become clear.


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## mablenc

Well look at it this way, which is a worst having sex out if marriage or masturbating? I personally do not see it as a sin, but if you do, don't you get some credit for taking care of yourself and not fornicating? Don't you think there are far worse things you can be doing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I Notice The Details

mablenc said:


> Well look at it this way, which is a worst having sex out if marriage or masturbating? I personally do not see it as a sin, but if you do, don't you get some credit for taking care of yourself and not fornicating? Don't you think there are far worse things you can be doing?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: It is 100% healthy and IF we weren't supposed to enjoy ourselves, God would have made our arms shorter. 

Be proud and enjoy your body!


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## LonelyinLove

Hope1964 said:


> 9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled [it] on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
> 
> 10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> Onan's sin was refusal to provide his dead brother with an heir.


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## Cosmos

You have to do what feels right for you, OP, but personally I don't believe that it is a sin. What I do believe is a sin is that some of the people who would have their followers believe that it is indulge in far worse themselves.


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## Fozzy

LonelyinLove said:


> Hope1964 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled [it] on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
> 
> 10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> Onan's sin was refusal to provide his dead brother with an heir.
> 
> 
> 
> This is exactly correct. Men were expected to marry their brothers widows in that day because women were unable to provide for themselves and their children without a husband in that culture. For a man to NOT do that was basically sentencing her and her children to death by starvation. It had nothing to do with masturbation and everything to do with saving lives.
Click to expand...


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## marko

I am far from an expert when it comes to religion because I am not religious WHAT SO EVER.

here is my take on it, as others have said, why be stressed about having no release and possibly making a silly decision based on your initial lust for a man, that sense of urgency to have sex might give you the wrong answer for the relationship.

I know the bible has been used to make people feel guilty about almost everything in their lives. to me that is just not right, perhaps that is why I am not religious. 

in some cultures/religions it is a sin to masturbate, yet the married men will go out and get a BJ from an underage boy under the table of a restaurant, he does not see the person so he can claim he is innocent of the sins, and the worst part is that it is very accepted in that culture. personally to me it is wrong on all levels, its an underage person, it is a boy and it is cheating on my wife. 

I had a very interesting talk with a co-worker, he is Muslim. during the conversation I asked him "what if you were stranded on an island and all there was to eat was wild boar, would Allah still see that as a sin to eat it to survive?" . he replied that Allah would see it as more of a sin to die without doing everything in your power to survive.

as others have mentioned, is it more of a sin to have sex outside the marriage than masturbate?

enjoy yourself, life can be short.


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## bunny23

Hope1964 said:


> I don't believe masturbation is a sin, but I was brought up to believe it is. There's a scripture somewhere that says something about spilling seed that was always brought up....this must be it
> 
> "Genesis Chapter 38
> 
> 9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled [it] on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
> 
> 10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."
> 
> I was always told that this means God was displeased with Onan for spilling his seed, but the way it reads to me, God was probably more displeased with Onan for sleeping with his brothers wife. I dunno.
> 
> I was also taught that the repeated theme of children being blessed and that sex is supposed to produce children also means that masturbation, for men anyway, is taboo.
> 
> Here's some more supposedly anti-masturbation Bible quotes:
> 
> BIBLE VERSES ABOUT MASTURBATION



I would suggest not interpreting the Bible so literally. It is not meant to be interpreted that way. You need to consider: Context, Culture, Customs/norms and language.

Those verses refer to a specific time in history where there needed to be an expansion of the population and people were literally killed.

If you are really struggling with this I would highly suggest researching the Bible with an open mind, and really learning how it is meant to be read. You should know that without general knowledge of Old Greek/Latin and Jewish customs it is very hard to understand.

The phenomenon of interpreting the Bible literally is NEW.

BTW I only used this quote because it seems like this person has given this some thought.
You would will be amazed when you start researching what things really mean. I am so impressed with the Bible now and fascinated with the culture and what happened.

Don't torture yourself over this or take the word of anyone else. Simply do the research and come to the best conclusions that you can. Once you do, there is no way of going back.. and it has actually renewed my faith in a God.

Remember, the Bible is also divided into parables, prophecies, poems and actual historical letters. It was meant to be a guide to the people of THAT TIME on how to observe rituals and lead their lives.
The Bible often does not state the context of history in which it was written, that is up to you to discover.

As a starting point:
http://www.ecclesia.org/truth/8-rules.html


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## rainwife

I’m of the opinion that sexual unfaithfulness is also unwilling to provide sex in a marriage. You went TEN years without sex! You never thought.. wow this is bonkers I’m going to truss him up to the preacher and get him to talk about this, go to a doctor, get hormones checked.. Get something going here! But this is unacceptable! 

I mean I didn’t want to have sex for a good bit after I gave birth.. It was num, I as sore.. tired.. but I did it, and it turned out by the end.. it was alright I got into it. I would be blunt “yah I’ll have it tonight, but I’m tired, and I’m not really into it.” Sometimes my husband would laugh and ask for something else, sometimes he would try to get me into it and usually succeed. 

I would say demand an std test get that husband in the bed and try something on him! That is if you want to continue the marriage.. That is the only “biblical” recourse for sexual frustration that I see. 

The whole sex thing is suppose to be the glue that fuses our marriage. It makes you get all warm about that other person and forget those little things that drive you crazy. 

Have you considered that your passion might be a tool to gain your marriage back? If it where me I would consider that it might just be a sign that I need to focus on my marriage. 

I know the whole Christian view on remarriage is against. But if you do someday heal and want to try marriage again and you have been buzzing your own happy.. You aren’t going to get a lot from your husband. He is never going to be as good as something with battery’s.. The stimulation you get from self gratification is not comparable. You are setting yourself up for intimacy issues: / This coming from the military wife whose husband is currently deployed.. Masturbation is BAD sex is suppose to be used as an intimacy inducing action. lol I’m saying it for myself as well  Think of the savings we will have on heating bill with all the cold showers!


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## bunny23

rainwife said:


> I’m of the opinion that sexual unfaithfulness is also unwilling to provide sex in a marriage. You went TEN years without sex! You never thought.. wow this is bonkers I’m going to truss him up to the preacher and get him to talk about this, go to a doctor, get hormones checked.. Get something going here! But this is unacceptable!
> 
> I mean I didn’t want to have sex for a good bit after I gave birth.. It was num, I as sore.. tired.. but I did it, and it turned out by the end.. it was alright I got into it. I would be blunt “yah I’ll have it tonight, but I’m tired, and I’m not really into it.” Sometimes my husband would laugh and ask for something else, sometimes he would try to get me into it and usually succeed.
> 
> I would say demand an std test get that husband in the bed and try something on him! That is if you want to continue the marriage.. That is the only “biblical” recourse for sexual frustration that I see.
> 
> The whole sex thing is suppose to be the glue that fuses our marriage. It makes you get all warm about that other person and forget those little things that drive you crazy.
> 
> Have you considered that your passion might be a tool to gain your marriage back? If it where me I would consider that it might just be a sign that I need to focus on my marriage.
> 
> I know the whole Christian view on remarriage is against. But if you do someday heal and want to try marriage again and you have been buzzing your own happy.. You aren’t going to get a lot from your husband. He is never going to be as good as something with battery’s.. The stimulation you get from self gratification is not comparable. You are setting yourself up for intimacy issues: / This coming from the military wife whose husband is currently deployed.. Masturbation is BAD sex is suppose to be used as an intimacy inducing action. lol I’m saying it for myself as well  Think of the savings we will have on heating bill with all the cold showers!



You are advocating that she has sex with a man she does not love vs manstrubation? So.. the Lord is okay with using your body for just sex as long as there is a piece of paper that you are married? I find this VERY disturbing to be honest.

She is not setting herself up for any intimacy issues, it's normal and healthy to manstrubate while in a relationship. Unless it replaces sex with a LOVING partner. 

I'm sorry but I was floored about what you wrote. It's the polar opposite of any modern and rational sex therapy idea we have.

It's different if she is in a good marriage and has lost her drive, then YES advocating sex to see if it will rekindle desire is one thing... asking someone to get their ex back even if he was the biggest a$$ in the world, with sex? He cheated on her for 10 years, you advocate just getting an std test and going for it?

Do you have any idea how psychologically damaging that could be to her and her new relationships?

Honestly, I am appalled.


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## I Notice The Details

I do like Manstrubation...


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## rainwife

bunny23 said:


> You are advocating that she has sex with a man she does not love vs manstrubation? So.. the Lord is okay with using your body for just sex as long as there is a piece of paper that you are married? I find this VERY disturbing to be honest.
> 
> She is not setting herself up for any intimacy issues, it's normal and healthy to manstrubate while in a relationship. Unless it replaces sex with a LOVING partner.
> 
> I'm sorry but I was floored about what you wrote. It's the polar opposite of any modern and rational sex therapy idea we have.
> 
> It's different if she is in a good marriage and has lost her drive, then YES advocating sex to see if it will rekindle desire is one thing... asking someone to get their ex back even if he was the biggest a$$ in the world, with sex? He cheated on her for 10 years, you advocate just getting an std test and going for it?
> 
> Do you have any idea how psychologically damaging that could be to her and her new relationships?
> 
> Honestly, I am appalled.


What do you think makes love? Sex is a great intimacy building tool! Sex is a tool, it’s a desire that was built in us to help us mate, to help us build desire. If you go to long without getting it, must like food you get crabby, you feel admiration for the one who gives it to you. It’s a basic need. Marriage is the sexual contract that says “I will only do this with you.” 

Studies have shown masturbation does not have the same healthy effects as sex. You do not gain that euphoria, those sinus cleansing whatever.. that one often has after orgasm. Depression, skin issues, and weight loss are also to be aided by sex vs. masturbation that is often thought to in fact promote depression.

I agree that she needs a loving partner, but I don’t see how being sexually unfaithful to her spouse will gain that. 

She obviously got back together with him AFTER finding that out. So I was assuming she had decided to stay in the relationship.

Yes I know this is a “antiquated” idea.. one might even call it a biblical approach? But since I am constraining my posts to in fact that “biblical” area of this forum I kind of thought it might be applicable?

Have you ever heard of Mark Gungor and his “laugh your way to a better marriage” or Debi Pearl “help meet”? Those two are very much who has shaped my views on a woman’s role and marital sex. 

The truth is that most good marriages have a good sex drive, but once the sex goes often so does the marriage. Most people act like asses when they don’t get sex. I am, I’m a huge jerk sometimes and my husband is like “what is your problem.” Get sex, I’m no longer a jerk! Its part of marital yen and yang. 
So you think her learning to pleasure herself, possibly making it impossible for her to gain orgasm from any man ever is better for her than trying to make it work with a husband she seems to have already tried to take back? 

yes I admit my view is not what the world today says, I also Know its not a popular one. But it is what I would want someone to say to me. They have in fact, and been more the friend for it. No the situation was not quite the same mine was in relation to deployment and reintegration issues. But masturbation and marital unfaithfulness where a common issue. I hated that person at the time and thought them so old fashioned and wrong. But it turned out they where wise and a good friend. She didn’t “poor puppy it” or hold my hand though a divorce. She told me straight up I was going to kill my marriage with a vibrator and I needed to just take a cold shower and deal with it. Their was masturbation in the bible, God wasn’t unaware, and he doesn't make mistakes. That’s what wet dreams are for. Stick to your part and let God deal with the rest.


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## EnjoliWoman

I've heard plenty about how vibrators aren't good because they reduce sensitivity. OK, I can potentially agree with that. But what about masturbation not using a vibrator? What about fantasizing that's your husband touching you? I don't see how that would hurt a marriage during separation. What about mutual masturbation via a webcam with your spouse? Is that wrong, too?


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## mablenc

I don't think anything is "wrong" if it is by ourself or with a trusted partner if it feels good and is consensual. I think life is complicated enough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I Notice The Details

mablenc said:


> I don't think anything is "wrong" if it is by ourself or with a trusted partner if it feels good and is consensual. I think life is complicated enough.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## rainwife

I know a fair few women who enjoy the "pure romance" trade on base only to have there husband come home from a deployment and be unable to satisfy them. One of my best friends confessed to me just the other day that she only makes love to her husband once a month because he just "doesn't do it for her, like her toys do." 

It would defiantly be easier to just take matters into my own hand, but I know when my husband gets back from yet another deployment. I will be happy I waited. Plus with all the other reintegration drama, do we really need to add inability to out do a 3 speed in the bedroom?


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## soulseer

if it harms no one do what you will
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LorenzoP

i agree with soulseeker.


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## frusdil

Masturbation is not being unfaithful to your spouse!! I can't believe people actually believe it is? Omg....wow...


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## Microwavelove

I believe that although we like to be able to classify everything as sin vs. not sin, I believe this is one place where the Bible is silent, and maybe deliberately so. We have to use the scripture as our foundation, but everything isn't always spelled out for us in great detail, which is where your relationship with God comes in. What do you feel in your spirit about the issue? 

I believe that this may not be an area where one size fits all. It probably is a sin if you're married and the act is building a barrier between you and your spouse, or if it's an obsession, or if the act requires you to be in a state of mind that leads you to a place you don't feel good about. But I don't think that the act in and of itself is a sin. If you think about it, we make ourselves feel good in all kinds of ways, whether it's a bubble bath, getting a massage, etc. I don't see why at base this is so much different.


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## Mr Blunt

*In reading the Bible I find that God does not beat around the bush about sin. The Bible is quite specific about sin in many places.*


None of the Bible references in this thread relate to masturbation IMO. The fact that *the Bible is silent about masturbation and the Bible is not silent about sin which leads me to believe that masturbation by itself is not a sin*. However, masturbation can be an indication of something being negative and unhealthy for you and in some cases a sin. Masturbating and refusing your spouse sex is selfish and is one such situation. Masterbation that is directly related to a sin that is specifically spelled put in the Bible is a sin. An example is masterbating while lusting after another person's wife or husband.

God made us to have sexual urges but wants us to follow His instructions for using those urges with our spouse. I do not think God gets His kicks out of giving us such strong urges for years without having some sort of non-sin relief (masterbation-wet dreams). I just do not see God setting us up with a trap. 

If you think that masturbation is a release but still yet a sin; then explain how a person is to stay away from (sin?) nocturnal emissions (Wet dreams). The release that comes from nocturnal dreams or masterbation is not a sin IMO.

*If God wanted to state that masturbation by itself is a sin He would have stated that in very specific and clear terms*.


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## PBear

Either that, or he would have given us tyranasaurus arms, so we couldn't touch ourselves...

C


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## Lovable Resin

Bafuna said:


> Is Masturbation a sin. What options do I have for sexual release??


I have a suggestion. What if, when taking a shower you just happen to point out the shower head to the "right" direction. If you know what I mean. If Jesus asks about it you are just washing yourself.


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