# My ex-wife’s husband died



## just.in (Mar 27, 2017)

I was married to my ex-wife for 1 year, we divorced in 2006. I remarried a year later in 2007 and have been with my wife for 10 years. My ex-wife remarried in 2016. 3 months ago her new husband died. I am unsure of what (if anything) I should do for her in this time. 

*More details:*

My ex-wife and I were in a relationship during our teens and early 20’s. We have 3 kids together, who are 10, 16, & 17. We had two teenage pregnancies and I felt a sense of obligation to stay with her. I was a twat though, and hurt her countless times. I cheated on her left and right, I have another 16 year old with another woman. I didn’t care if she knew or not. I married her because I had a lot of family pressure to marry her and she desperately wanted it. I cheated on her during our marriage as well. I met my (current) wife while we were married and left my ex-wife for her. Our marriage lasted 1 crappy year and as soon as the divorce was finalized I was remarried to the “OW”. 

I wanted to move on with my new wife and I left my ex-wife and our kids on the back burner. I didn’t provide what I was suppose to financially, I didn’t see my kids nearly as much as I should have. When I left her she was pregnant. I did get my act together eventually. I paid her the money that was long owed, I got back on track with our kids. I’m a typical “weekend dad”, we tried a 50/50 schedule and it wasn’t working for our kids. I hurt my ex-wife beyond repair, so saying we have a good relationship now would be a lie. We get along, for our kids, but she hates every ounce of my being. Rightfully so. 

My wife and I have a good marriage. Surprisingly. I know many marriages do not work out when a spouse leaves for the affair partner. We’re very happy, we have 4 kids and have moved past the thought of my wife being the “OW”. It wasn’t always that way, though. 

I left my ex-wife for my wife. I was having an affair with my wife through my whole marriage to my ex-wife. After I left my ex-wife my wife became quite the ***** to her. She sent her hateful messages for years just to bring her down. She always wanted to win, which is partly why we have 4 kids. 4 beats 3. She made my ex-wife feel like **** for years, and I allowed it. I didn’t want to cause more problems and because of that I let my ex get even more hurt and in turn, my kids. Eventually that ended. My wife still hates my ex-wife though (the feeling is mutual I’m sure). She doesn’t want me to have anything to do with her. Including now. Her opinion is, not my wife anymore not my problem. 

My ex-wife spent 9 years trying to find a man to be in her life. She married her husband in 2016 and he died that same year from “natural causes”. Whatever natural cause kills a healthy man in his mid-30’s. From the little I knew about him, he was a really good man and my ex-wife was happier in that year than I had seen her in the last decade. She is pregnant, right now. Once again she is left pregnant and alone. Once again she is going to bring a child into this world without a present father. 

I didn’t show it (or feel it) for years, but I care about my ex-wife. I hurt her more than a human should ever be hurt. I wish that we could be on better terms, and that I hadn’t done what I did. I have no hatred for her, no regret for our time together. 3 beautiful kids came from that time and she has done an amazing job with them. But I give her the space that she needs, because she does not feel the same about me. Right after I found out that her husband died, she told me that it should have been me. So that is where her feelings lie regarding me. 

Is there anything that I should/could do for her? I have been taking our kids more so that she has time to herself. “Luckily” our kids were not very attached to him. Our kids are all boys, I have been making sure they know to help their mom out around the house above and beyond what they normally do. My wife wants me to do absolutely nothing. Lately we have been fighting over it. My wife doesn’t have these hostile feelings towards the other woman I have a child with, just my ex-wife who she is in a permanent competition with (in her eyes).

Do I try and do something for my ex-wife? Or respect my wife and pretend like nothing happened? I don’t even know if there is anything that I can possibly do for my ex-wife. She was finally happy after all the years of misery I caused her and that came crumbling down.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

I think your wanting to do something is not for her, but actually for you. It sounds like you want to assuage your guilt.

If she told you that she wished you were the one to die, I don't see how getting involved in her grieving is going to make the situation better. I think perhaps the "out of sight, out of mind" strategy is best, and maybe you should just lie low. That route certainly would make your current wife happiest.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Just keep the kids with you as much as possible. Send her your condolences and let her know you're available to help with anything if she needs it. That's all you need to do. I'm sure you're the last guy in the world that she wants worrying about her and offering help.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Both you and your present wife have acted appallingly. Its hard to understand why you left your wife and tiny children for such a mean, cruel, heartless, deceptive, manipulative, immoral woman. You let her be cruel and offensive to her for years despite the fact that SHE was the one who was in the wrong. 

I would just leave her alone, you have both hurt her quite enough. If you have to do something just send her a sympathy card, but she may well rip it up, and who would blame her when you have never shown her any kindness or decency before. 

BTW just because you are still with your wife after 10 years, that means nothing. Any woman who can have an affair with a married man with small children and take him away from them, can and probably will do it again. You could easily do it again as well. These relationships very rarely last long term for obvious reasons.

I hope you have explained to your children what you did and apologised to the first children for abandoning them so cruelly.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Leave her alone. Keep supporting your kids, quietly in the background.

That's all I've got.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

just.in said:


> I was married to my ex-wife for 1 year, we divorced in 2006. I remarried a year later in 2007 and have been with my wife for 10 years. My ex-wife remarried in 2016. 3 months ago her new husband died. I am unsure of what (if anything) I should do for her in this time.
> 
> *More details:*
> 
> ...


The best thing you can do for your ex is to stay away from her. You can't fix what you did or her husband dying, and your terribly insecure wife will only make her life more of a living hell.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Full disclosure - I'm a second wife. 

Can I ask what the hell you see in that nasty ***** that you're married to? Then again, maybe your punishment is to be chained to her for life. You reap what you sow after all.

Leave your ex wife alone. You're the last person she needs hanging around right now. If you must do something to support her, be more available for the kids.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

frusdil said:


> Full disclosure - I'm a second wife.
> 
> Can I ask what the hell you see in that nasty ***** that you're married to? Then again, maybe your punishment is to be chained to her for life. You reap what you sow after all.
> 
> Leave your ex wife alone. You're the last person she needs hanging around right now. If you must do something to support her, be more available for the kids.


:iagree:


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

That's a nasty woman you're married to. But then again what's to be expected from any woman that willingly gets into an affair with a married father and pushes things to the point of breaking up his family. She'd be a hero on Loveshack's OW section.

As for your ex-wife. You've done enough damage. Let her grieve in peace and make sure you continue with your child support. Spend some additional time with your kids if your wife needs the time.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If you're going to offer aid, do it anonymously!

Because if you ever confront her with all of this newfound empathy and support of yours after what you've historically done to her, she may well request that you stick it all up where the sun doesn't shine!*


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

You have 8 kids?


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## ScottishGirl1998 (Dec 19, 2015)

As others have said, take care of the children as much/often as you can, but other than that I would strongly recommend against doing anything that involves coming in direct contact with your ex-wife. You've done enough damage, and even though you now realise the extent of that, it doesn't change the facts. 

I would also suggest you take a step back and look at your current wife's personality, as from your description she sounds like a vile person.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

frusdil said:


> Full disclosure - I'm a second wife.
> 
> Can I ask what the hell you see in that nasty ***** that you're married to? Then again, maybe your punishment is to be chained to her for life. You reap what you sow after all.
> 
> Leave your ex wife alone. You're the last person she needs hanging around right now. If you must do something to support her, be more available for the kids.


Um it's not like he is a catch. They basically at the same level, it's just that he suddenly has a conscience.


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

You don't sound like the sort of person who cares about anyone other than yourself, your track record is testimonial to that.

Why change now?

There's a lot of inflammatory material in your post.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Geez. Just leave the poor woman alone already.

And holy crap, you have _eight_ children?

That's gotta be the worst thing I've read (anywhere) in some time.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> You have 8 kids?


Isn't that terrible?

This guy reproduced not once, not twice, but EIGHT times ...?!?

Reminds me of Clevon from Idiocracy.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

blueinbr said:


> You have 8 kids?





GusPolinski said:


> And holy crap, you have _eight_ children?


I guess it depends on your perspective, but from mine that's the least outlandish part of the OP's story.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

GTdad said:


> I guess it depends on your perspective, but from mine that's the least outlandish part of the OP's story.


(Psst! It's more fun if you play along!)


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Isn't that terrible?
> 
> This guy reproduced not once, not twice, but EIGHT times ...?!?
> 
> Reminds me of Clevon from Idiocracy.


All because his 'charming' lady wanted to beat the former wife. I wonder if the children know they are only here because of a sick 'competition' of their mothers?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Please, leave your XW alone. I know you want to assuage your guilt over the bad crap you've done in the past, but you can't. The best thing that you can do is not do any further damage. Take the kids more to ease her burden, if that seems to help her. And keep coaching them on how they can be better sons to her and help her moving forward. 

Normally, I would say you could offer your condolences and say something along the lines of, "If you need anything, let me know," but I would recommend staying away from that, even. She is clearly still very bitter towards you, and I'm not surprised, given the way you behaved towards her before and during the marriage and the way your current wife has behaved since.

Keep your distance. That is the best thing that you can do. And keep your current wife on a short leash and away from your XW as well.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

@just.in

Leave her alone..... You've done enough damage.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> Please, leave your XW alone. I know you want to assuage your guilt over the bad crap you've done in the past, but you can't. The best thing that you can do is not do any further damage. Take the kids more to ease her burden, if that seems to help her. And keep coaching them on how they can be better sons to her and help her moving forward.
> 
> Normally, I would say you could offer your condolences and say something along the lines of, "If you need anything, let me know," but I would recommend staying away from that, even. She is clearly still very bitter towards you, and I'm not surprised, given the way you behaved towards her before and during the marriage and the way your current wife has behaved since.
> 
> Keep your distance. That is the best thing that you can do. And keep your current wife on a short leash and away from your XW as well.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Leave her the **** alone.


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## just.in (Mar 27, 2017)

Thank you. Everyone agrees to just leave her alone so I guess that's what I need to do. There may be no way to mend the damage and pain I caused her. 



Wolfman1968 said:


> I think your wanting to do something is not for her, but actually for you. It sounds like you want to assuage your guilt.
> 
> If she told you that she wished you were the one to die, I don't see how getting involved in her grieving is going to make the situation better. I think perhaps the "out of sight, out of mind" strategy is best, and maybe you should just lie low. That route certainly would make your current wife happiest.


You're right. I have felt guilty for a few years now but her husbands death has pushed it over the edge. I ruined her life, she finally found happiness and that was ripped away from her. I wish there was something that I could do for her to take back all the pain I purposely caused her. 

Would it be wrong of me to write my ex-wife a letter apologizing for everything I've done to her? 



frusdil said:


> Full disclosure - I'm a second wife.
> 
> Can I ask what the hell you see in that nasty ***** that you're married to? Then again, maybe your punishment is to be chained to her for life. You reap what you sow after all.
> 
> Leave your ex wife alone. You're the last person she needs hanging around right now. If you must do something to support her, be more available for the kids.


I know that my wife has been a ***** to my ex-wife. I never should have been with my ex-wife, I never deserved to be with her. When we were 16 I hooked up with her sans protection. I knew she liked me and I took advantage, promising to pull out and convincing her that if she really liked me she would do it without a condom. 9 months later we had a son, a month later she was pregnant again because I pushed her to have sex. I stayed with her partly because I was a twat and partly because I felt obligated. The twat side of me stayed because she was a back up plan, and as long as I was with her I didn't have to pay child support. I wasn't with her for any of the right reasons. Regardless of whether my wife came into the picture or not, I would have left my ex-wife. 

My wife is jealous, even though she is the one who "won". I chose her. My ex-wife and I had nothing in common, literally nothing. We annoyed the **** out of each other. We didn't want the same things in life, though I ruined what she wanted so that's irrelevant now. My wife and I get along great, we do have a lot in common. I'm more attracted to my wife, I have more fun with her. She was/is a ***** to my ex-wife, but she is not like that in general. She is quite friendly with the other woman I have a child with. She's generally a very happy person. She isn't as bad as she was made out to be here. She's a great wife, great mother and generally a good person. You can't like everyone in this world. 



arbitrator said:


> *If you're going to offer aid, do it anonymously!
> 
> Because if you ever confront her with all of this newfound empathy and support of yours after what you've historically done to her, she may well request that you stick it all up where the sun doesn't shine!*


You're right about this. A few weeks ago her furnace stopped working. She asked me to take the kids because the house was freezing and it was going to take 2 days to get it fixed. We have a bunch of space heaters and I asked if she wanted any, she said she'd rather freeze to death than accept anything from me. She won't accept anything from me. Even when I offer to take the kids for her she makes it clear that it's for the kids (to spend time with their father) not for her. She hates me more since her husband passed away, for sure. We avoid seeing each other but when we do I can feel how much she hates me by the way she looks at me. I tried to ask her how she was feeling, she's near the end of her pregnancy. She snapped and told me not to even think about that baby. 



blueinbr said:


> You have 8 kids?


Yes, and they are all well taken care of and loved. 3 with my ex wife (10, 16, 17). 1 with another woman (16). 4 with my wife (10, 7, 5, 3). All of my kids are loved and they know that. I am involved in all of their lives and always will be. Many couples choose to have big families.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Sorry but a nice person does NOT have a long affair with a married man, especially one with children, persuade him to abandon them and then treat his poor wife like sh*t as if SHE were the one who had acted appallingly and not HER. A decent person does NOT do those things, and you pathetically let her act that way. 

No wonder you poor ex wife wants nothing to do with either of you. 

If you want to confess and apologise, than start with your children. Have you ever done that with them? Told them what a terrible thing you both did? Been honest with the older children of your new marriage about how your marriage started?

Yes you can write, not sure how she will take it, but its a step in the right direction. It would be great if your wife also felt ashamed and guilty for her large part in this as well, but I doubt that will ever happen from what you have said about her. 

BTW you didnt choose to have a large family, some of them weren't planned, and the last few were due to your wives obsession with having to 'win' over your ex wife. Crazy:frown2::frown2:


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

just.in said:


> Thank you. Everyone agrees to just leave her alone so I guess that's what I need to do. There may be no way to mend the damage and pain I caused her.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


At least you did right by your kids. You can't save your ex, and yes you are partly responsible for her pain. Some things we do in life can't really be undone. Be good to your kids together. Thank her for being a good Mom to them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Isn't that terrible?
> 
> This guy reproduced not once, not twice, but EIGHT times ...?!?
> 
> Reminds me of Clevon from Idiocracy.


Hey, my parents had 8 children... well 10 but two died at birth.

Of course they did stay together and raised all 8 until my father died, leaving my mother to raise the last 3 on her own.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

just.in said:


> Thank you. Everyone agrees to just leave her alone so I guess that's what I need to do. There may be no way to mend the damage and pain I caused her.


You can offer to take your children as much as possible to give her a break. When is her baby due? She’s going to need help. Does she have family and friends to help?

My bet is that if you did anything much to help her, your wife would just go after her and attack her (verbally only I hope). So yea, protect her from your wife.



just.in said:


> You're right. I have felt guilty for a few years now but her husbands death has pushed it over the edge. I ruined her life, she finally found happiness and that was ripped away from her. I wish there was something that I could do for her to take back all the pain I purposely caused her.
> 
> Would it be wrong of me to write my ex-wife a letter apologizing for everything I've done to her?


This last year I got an apology letter from my ex, my son’s father. I divorced him in 1996. So that was 20 years after the divorce. You remind me of him. He was about as nice to me as you were to your wife. I have mixed feelings about the apology letter. But, in the more I think about it I am glad that he wrote it and finally took responsibility for the horrible way he treated me, his cheating, etc. Though he never actually admitted to the cheating, he knows that is part of his bad acts.

This is not be a good time to write your ex through. She is dealing with the death of the man she loved. Let her morn in peace. If you send her an apology letter right now, it looks like you are trying to make her husband’s death all about you. 

In about a year or two, a letter of apology might be ok.



just.in said:


> I know that my wife has been a ***** to my ex-wife. I never should have been with my ex-wife, I never deserved to be with her. When we were 16 I hooked up with her sans protection. I knew she liked me and I took advantage, promising to pull out and convincing her that if she really liked me she would do it without a condom. 9 months later we had a son, a month later she was pregnant again because I pushed her to have sex. I stayed with her partly because I was a twat and partly because I felt obligated. The twat side of me stayed because she was a back up plan, and as long as I was with her I didn't have to pay child support. I wasn't with her for any of the right reasons. Regardless of whether my wife came into the picture or not, I would have left my ex-wife.


I get that. You were young, a twat and it took you most of your life to figure that out. Now just be the best man you can be. You cannot go back now and change anything. You can only go forward.



just.in said:


> My wife is jealous, even though she is the one who "won". I chose her. My ex-wife and I had nothing in common, literally nothing. We annoyed the **** out of each other. We didn't want the same things in life, though I ruined what she wanted so that's irrelevant now. My wife and I get along great, we do have a lot in common. I'm more attracted to my wife, I have more fun with her. She was/is a ***** to my ex-wife, but she is not like that in general. She is quite friendly with the other woman I have a child with. She's generally a very happy person. She isn't as bad as she was made out to be here. She's a great wife, great mother and generally a good person. You can't like everyone in this world.


True, you cannot like everyone in this world. But she was profoundly wrong to torment your ex. She owes your ex a huge apology. Though I doubt that will ever happen.




just.in said:


> You're right about this. A few weeks ago her furnace stopped working. She asked me to take the kids because the house was freezing and it was going to take 2 days to get it fixed. We have a bunch of space heaters and I asked if she wanted any, she said she'd rather freeze to death than accept anything from me. She won't accept anything from me. Even when I offer to take the kids for her she makes it clear that it's for the kids (to spend time with their father) not for her. She hates me more since her husband passed away, for sure. We avoid seeing each other but when we do I can feel how much she hates me by the way she looks at me. I tried to ask her how she was feeling, she's near the end of her pregnancy. She snapped and told me not to even think about that baby.


I don’t blame her. You and your wife need to stay away from her as much as possible.




just.in said:


> Yes, and they are all well taken care of and loved. 3 with my ex wife (10, 16, 17). 1 with another woman (16). 4 with my wife (10, 7, 5, 3). All of my kids are loved and they know that. I am involved in all of their lives and always will be. Many couples choose to have big families.


Most don’t have a big family spread across 3 women. I think that’s the issue.

How do the 3 children from your first marriage get along with our current wife?


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## Seasong (Mar 1, 2012)

If you want to write her a letter, do not do it now in the midst of her deep grief. This would be about you, and she's grieving her husband.

However, in time, a letter would might open up the lines of communication, or at least show her you're remorseful. When I say in time, I mean at least a year from now, maybe longer. Wait until you see a change in her. And don't expect anything in return.

You can call the funeral home and see if there is still a bill and offer to make an anonymous (to her) payment to help her that way. 

You can let the children know about it as they get older. Of course, I would only suggest this if it wouldn't cause a problem with you and your wife.

I hope things get better for her, and she can find comfort in her family. Don't put pressure on her, please!


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## Tito Santana (Jul 9, 2015)

Ugh...

The OP's story is further proof, if it was even needed, that Karma does not exist...

I mean the first wife gets cheated on, left with a bunch of young children, takes 7 years to get it together, marries another man, is finally happy, and her new husband dies after a year marriage. Meanwhile, her cheating XH, allows his new wife to be ultra nasty to her, beating her down all this time. 

What a sad, sad story. That poor woman...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Hey, my parents had 8 children... well 10 but two died at birth.
> 
> Of course they did stay together and raised all 8 until my father died, leaving my mother to raise the last 3 on her own.


To be clear, I'm not knocking large families.

What I _am_ doing is lamenting the fact that OP has "gifted" the world w/ so many of his progeny.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Tito Santana said:


> Ugh...
> 
> The OP's story is further proof, if it was even needed, that Karma does not exist...
> 
> ...


 You don't know what will happen in the future, she may find another family to wreck. :|:|


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *If you're going to offer aid, do it anonymously!
> 
> Because if you ever confront her with all of this newfound empathy and support of yours after what you've historically done to her, she may well request that you stick it all up where the sun doesn't shine!*


*As a postscript to my earlier post, if you still are serious about offering some form of financial support or assistance to your XW, then take the funds to her local church or any church, and ask them to bring it to her anonymously! Most will be happy to do that for you given the extreme gravity of the situation!

Best of luck to you!*


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## just.in (Mar 27, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> You can offer to take your children as much as possible to give her a break. When is her baby due? She’s going to need help. Does she have family and friends to help?
> 
> Most don’t have a big family spread across 3 women. I think that’s the issue.
> 
> How do the 3 children from your first marriage get along with our current wife?


I have been offering to take the kids a lot more, I will keep doing that. She will only send them on her time if they want to go, so she can say it's for them not her. She doesn't want to accept help from me. I get it. 

She is due soon. She won't let me ask her when. My son's just know it's in April. Her family live on the other side of the country. I'm sure she has friends that will help her. She'd never accept help from me. 

So in the time being, no letter. I don't want to hurt her more with it, or just piss her off. I'll wait until the timing is better. 

My 3 teenagers (2 from my ex-wife, 1 from another woman) get along with my wife. They aren't super close to her and challenge what she says but they get along with her. Disrespect has never been an option. We have struggled with jealousy of my "new family". The kids don't necessarily all get along. My wife is a good step-mom to them. She does not treat my kids the way she does my ex-wife. I wouldn't allow that. My younger child with my ex-wife is very close to my wife. He calls her mom, by his own choosing. He was born when I was with her so unlike my teenagers she has always been in his life. My wife is a lot closer to him as well, compared to my other boys. 

My wife would **** a brick if she found out I paid my ex-wife a large amount of money. I could without her noticing but I don't want to hide things like that. I have been sending the kids home with extra money that they can use at school for lunch or whatever else they want. So they don't have to ask my ex-wife. Our two oldest have part time jobs. I sent them home with groceries once but my ex was less than impressed and "didn't want handouts". 

My wife can come off as a ***** but she really isn't. She is a great wife, great mom and great step-mom. She's made mistakes, we all do. I do, my ex-wife has, you all do.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like your ex has two teenagers who can help her.

As I mentioned earlier, my mom had 8 children. I was 13 when youngest was born. My older sister were 15 & 16 at the time. So my mom had lots of help from us older girls.

There is not a lot you can do. You and your wife burned that bridge a long time ago.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Earnestly pray for her, and leave it at that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

just.in said:


> I have been offering to take the kids a lot more, I will keep doing that. She will only send them on her time if they want to go, so she can say it's for them not her. She doesn't want to accept help from me. I get it.
> 
> She is due soon. She won't let me ask her when. My son's just know it's in April. Her family live on the other side of the country. I'm sure she has friends that will help her. She'd never accept help from me.
> 
> ...


I will believe that when you wife apologises to her and the children of your first marriage whose lives she devastated. When she says sorry for the appalling way she treated her. She isnt as you see her, she has behaved terribly and will easily do it again.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

how about getting snipped?

just sayin.....might be a good idea.


you did what you did. Can't take it back and writing a letter will only make your current wife feel bad.

pray and ask forgiveness from your god if you believe in such things.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

just.in said:


> She always wanted to win, which is partly why we have 4 kids. 4 beats 3.


Does your wife have to wear a helmet in public? Stupidity this deep should be painful.

Who becomes a damned brood mare spitting out 4 kids JUST to think she "won" some contest that only SHE dreamed up in her delusional mind? What did the fool win, by the way? Let me guess - more stretch marks than a road map of Peoria and the 'joy' that only the constant chaos from 4 kids can bring? Sounds heavenly.

I'm with the others. Yours and your she-devil wife's deplorable behavior toward your ex-wife is downright nauseating. The fact that you've continually pandered to this poor excuse for a female and allowed her to abuse your ex-wife all these years says A LOT about you - and none of it good. Just another case of yet another OW who 'got her man' and has spent all her time being jealous and paranoid about the ex-wife. Golly, _no one's_ ever heard THAT story before. :rofl:

Of course Cruella doesn't want you to show your ex-wife an ounce of compassion. That's because she's a jealous, bitter, spiteful little troll. No surprise there. But the simple truth is that your ex-wife would have preferred that *you* were the one pushing up daisies and not her new husband so that pretty much tells you where her head is at. Besides, you're only trying to assuage your own guilt for your atrocious behavior so it's all about you, anyway. Like it's always been. Again, no surprise there, either.



> Disrespect has never been an option.


Forgive me but I HAD to laugh at this. I find it utterly hysterical that your 'wife' insists on all your kids _respecting_ her when she had NO problem disrespecting *THEM* years ago by screwing around with their father while happily watching as daddy deserted their family to be with his side piece. Oh yes, she deserves NOTHING but respect.

I'm mighty curious - what color is the air on your planet?


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

just.in said:


> She was/is a ***** to my ex-wife, but she is not like that in general. She is quite friendly with the other woman I have a child with. She's generally a very happy person. She isn't as bad as she was made out to be here. She's a great wife, great mother and generally a good person. You can't like everyone in this world.


You cannot like everyone in this world who gives you reason to not like them. Your current wife only dislikes your ex because she had you first. Period. And a woman who can treat another like this is NOT a good person. You can be an angel to everyone else, but if you torment just one? That still makes you evil. 



just.in said:


> My wife is a good step-mom to them. She does not treat my kids the way she does my ex-wife. I wouldn't allow that.


But you will allow her to be tremendously vile to the woman who bore 4 of your children who did NOTHING to deserve her hatred? 

Your entire situation really just breaks my heart for your ex-wife. Just leave her alone. But while you're leaving her alone, it might do some good to put your current wife in her place for once.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Primrose said:


> You cannot like everyone in this world who gives you reason to not like them. Your current wife only dislikes your ex because she had you first. Period. And a woman who can treat another like this is NOT a good person. You can be an angel to everyone else, but if you torment just one? That still makes you evil.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Absolutely. Not only did you abandon her and your poor children, but you then stood by and did nothing while the OW abused and verbally attacked her in a terrible way when she had already broken her heart. She has no integrity or morality at all. Just sickening. :frown2::frown2:
I am surprised your ex didn't take out a restraining order out on her for her abuse.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Three children with your ex-wife, four with your current wife, and another neglected child you sired with another woman. You wouldn't happen to be related to the Seattle Supersonic's Shawn Kemp, now, would you? 

What you and your wife did to your ex-wife was cruel and wicked. Serial cheating husband, deadbeat father who wasn't around for them early on, you were basically a sperm donor. Both you and your wife left a lot of destruction in your wake. The wound that you and your home-wrecking wife inflicted on your ex-wife is not a wound that could be mended with money. The fact that you stood idly by while you let your wife verbally abused your ex-wife was unconscionable. She has hardened her heart against you and has probably cursed the day she met you. If you and your wife still have an ounce of conscience, you'd both be at her house, on your knees, begging her for her forgiveness. 

I would...happily volunteer to drive the Karma Bus towards you and your wife.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

sokillme said:


> Um it's not like he is a catch. They basically at the same level, it's just that he suddenly has a conscience.


Oh I know don't worry. He ain't no prize. Second wife deserves him.



just.in said:


> My 3 teenagers (2 from my ex-wife, 1 from another woman) get along with my wife. They aren't super close to her and challenge what she says but they get along with her. *Disrespect has never been an option.* We have struggled with jealousy of my "new family". The kids don't necessarily all get along. My wife is a good step-mom to them. *She does not treat my kids the way she does my ex-wife. I wouldn't allow that*. My younger child with my ex-wife is very close to my wife. He calls her mom, by his own choosing. He was born when I was with her so unlike my teenagers she has always been in his life. My wife is a lot closer to him as well, compared to my other boys.
> 
> My wife can come off as a ***** but she really isn't. She is a great wife, great mom and great step-mom. She's made mistakes, we all do. I do, my ex-wife has, you all do.


You won't allow your kids to disrespect your ***** of a wife, but it's perfectly ok for her to disrespect them by ****ing their father while he was married to their mum? Wow. Ok.

You wouldn't allow her to treat the kids the way she treats your ex? Guess what? YOU SHOULDN'T ALLOW HER TO TREAT YOUR EX THE WAY SHE DOES EITHER!

Your wife is a homewrecker, and a *****. She deserves you. You deserve each other. Anyone that could get involved with a married man or woman is NOT a good person. That is not a "mistake". It's a travesty.

This thread is so outrageous I wonder if it's even true. My god.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK first - I guess you understand by now that you and your current "wife" are vile people. You need to expose each other to the world (including all of your children) as vile immoral cheaters accompanied by a heartfelt apology to your ex wife and ALL the kids. Provide details of all your and your ex-wife's infidelities.

Next collect your accumulated wealth together and divide it between ALL the kids. Keep nothing for yourself or your current "wife".

Stay away from your ex wife.

Get the snip and tie the tubes of your current "wife" up to make sure neither of you ever reproduce again. See if there is a non-reversible option in each case.

And have a remorseful life going forward. Try and be good and stop looking to assuage your guilt.


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