# Going through divorce, don't know what to do



## NeedToMoveOn (Jan 2, 2013)

I posted in another part of the forum, but I thought I'd try here too. I've been married 3 years. I had a child when we met. Since we've been married he's adopted my child, we've had 1 together and 1 on the way. 

Our relationship deteriorated quickly. Shortly into our marriage he started saying things like I'm a selfish, lazy mom to me attacking his FOO. Mind you he's called me and my FOO cluster bs, he's accused me of being a sociopath and needed a psych evaluation. This is the second divorce I've started since we've been married. The first was at the beginning of last year. Shortly after I filed I had second thoughts because I felt like I was letting my children down and giving up. I tried to explain how I felt and he called me a "hoover". We eventually decided to go to counseling, but that didn't work out. Last summer we were supposed to mediate. But my husband begged me to call the whole thing off. I agreed.

During our breif reconciliation we had sex and I got pregnant with the child I'm carrying now. After he learned of the pregnancy he accued me of getting pregnant on purpose and trying to ruin his life. After that I realized things would never be different so I filed again. This time around he's telling me that he doesn't want to lose me or the children. He's been trying really hard the last month, but I'm ver skeptical as to how long this is supposed to last. I still have a lot of hurt and resentment towards him that I'm trying to work past. He's laughed at me so many times to my face and behind my back, he's said I'm crazy, and he invalidated my feelings since the beginnning. I'm at a crossroads because he actually is trying this time, but I don't think I have it in me to try anymore. Should I walk away?


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

The reason no one has responded is we can't tell u what to do. You need to think about what it is that makes you happy. You need to see that what ever you do u are setting an example for your children. They will see what u show them. In the end it is up to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

He sounds like a master manipulator, to me, based on the information you've provided.

What is the source of your problems? 

Have either of you been unfaithful?


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## NeedToMoveOn (Jan 2, 2013)

Our problems started when we were dating. I was excited about getting married and wanted the whole shebang, but because my husband had been married before, and according to him his mother ruined his first wedding that he didn't want that. And he couldn't understand why I was making a big deal out of getting married.

After that we got pregnant quickly, and then the insults started, and we were not able to get back on track once we'd been derailed. It's been a snowball ever since. Now were at avalanche. 

I don't believe he's been unfaithful. I haven't been, but that didn't stop him from questioning the paternity of the child I'm carrying now. Justifying his accusations by saying that his first wife cheated on him 6 months into their marriage.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

So, basically he's holding on to his anger towards his first wife and taking it out on you.

He's not going to get better until he wants to, and clearly you know you cannot control that.

If you've tried MC, to no avail, I don't believe you should feel bad for leaving. 

You have to look out for the well-being of you and your children, and a verbal abusive environment is certainly not a healthy one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NeedToMoveOn (Jan 2, 2013)

For the majority of 2012 I tried to fix our marriage. However I ended up being called a hoover, I was told I was gaslighting when I try to talk about my feelings and all sorts of other mean things.

We recently talked about this. He's been trying really hard the last 6 weeks and I have applauded his efforts. He admitted to being wrong in the way that he's handled things in the past. 

While I appreciate his apology, I think it'd be foolish of me to try to move forward with him. I want to do what is best for myself and my children. My son does really well when my husband and I can keep things on track. We've recently gotten off a little and my son is sufforing big time because of it. He can't keep going through that. 

I do feel major guilt because I know some women that would be so happy and excited that their husband has finally come around. Mine did and I feel like he's maybe too little too late.


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