# Sex/Masterbating is depressing (To Me)



## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

*Sex/Masterbating is depressing (HELP)*

I have told him all my fantasies and desires. There are some he has totally refused and I'm willing to wait on him changing his mind. It's just that when we have sex, emotionally I shut down and just let him do whatever he wants. As whenever I try to integrate something new to it, hinting at first, he ignores it. I've asked him about it afterwards and it is the samething, he didn't hear me. Most of the time one of his ear is TOUCHING my lips, usual time I ask/hint. How could he NOT hear my request?

Most of the things I try to have him do are things that I'm just finding out feel good, or that I've been fantasizing for the last month or so. I've told him why but apparently he doesn't want to change "the routine." Another thing I've done is tell him how I feel, though not in large quantities. I tell him how I feel and most of the time he will either belittle me or tell me I don't know what I'm feeling. So in short, life with hubby is depressing.

Also masturbating and the thought of masturbating is depressing. The reason is because I've gotten to the point that I feel like none of my fantasies will ever come true. That masturbating to a fantasy, no matter how good it might be, will never be full-filling. I can't stop thinking that all the things I really want will never happen.

My questions are: How can I get to a point where I actually enjoy sex? Will I ever enjoy it with my hubby? Am I doomed to fantasize the rest of my life? Will I ever have an orgasm? Will it be with my husband? Am I to be depressed for the rest of my life? Should I masturbate regardless of how it makes me feel? How can I get back the good feeling of masturbating?


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## Millania007 (Nov 16, 2009)

Ok so what exactly are you asking him to do that he wont fulfill? Sorry but I just need a little more detail
for example during sex are you requesting he stop and go down for alittle while to keep it hot and spicy? or are you asking him to finger you etc? what is it that he wont do?

My questions are: How can I get to a point where I actually enjoy sex? Only when your husband is willing to work with you! A marriage is a team effort and he should be willing to fulfill your fantasy if it only involves you and him
Unfort most men will not go for "another person" in the bedroom but I doubt thats what you mean when you request certain things to your husband? Thats why I was previously asking what exactly are you asking him to do?
Will I ever enjoy it with my hubby? You will! he just HAS to listen to your needs, marriage is about fulfilling each others desires and emotions
Am I doomed to fantasize the rest of my life? Fantasy can be fun, there is nothing wrong with fantasy, I certainly fantasize about things that will never happen but thats normal thats why they are fantasy
Will I ever have an orgasm? I am sorry you have never had an orgasm. Have you orgasmed through masturbation? Will it be with my husband? He should be willing to at least try and please you to have an orgasm-this is highly important
Am I to be depressed for the rest of my life? No, you can change things, it will take lots of communication and sacrifice but you can certainly be happy again!
Should I masturbate regardless of how it makes me feel? Do you orgasm through masturbation only? you shouldnt masturbate if you are feeling guilty about it
How can I get back the good feeling of masturbating? Your sex life should be at a good standing in order for you not to feel so guilty or bad/depressed about masturbating

Many people masturbate to fantasies that will never come true, thats why they are only fantasies
It seems to me that your husband has never given you an orgasm
Is this the case?
If so then he definitley should look into your needs a bit more in order to make sure he is pleasing you
I think almost every man out there enjoys pleasing their SO and will make sure she is pleased
sex/masturbation should not be depressing  I hope to hear from you soon so we can find out if things are working out
Good luck!


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

During fore-play I'll ask him use our viberator for a bit. That or have him eat me out. Also have him do something small and romantic, I.E. cook a meal for the 2 of us. If it is another guy, no way. A chick he is fine with. Granted I would like 2 try it also.
As for orgasm from masturbating no.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## K8_astrophy (Feb 18, 2010)

See a sex therapist if you want all this to work itself out. A healthy sex life is vital for both partners to feel great, secure and loved in their relationship. They will help you both to focus in on your needs. Sex is a give and take from both partners and well it is okay to stick to the routine, if thats what he enjoys...there are also times when you have enjoyments that need fulfillment as well.
To be honest, it is probably insecurity on his part, embarrased that he won't know what he is doing etc. Lots of love and encouragement is a great motivator. Dr. Phil or Oprah did this diagram where you had a piece of paper with a rought outline of the human body and then each partner would number the areas to building up arousal.
For example;
1. Start at the ear lobes
2. nibble on the neck

etc.

Its a great eye opener. I hope you work this out.Take Care.


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## Millania007 (Nov 16, 2009)

Oh I am sorry you havent had an orgasm -yes you need to speak with him and tell him your desires
Some fantasies will never come true, like Star said, they are to get you to the finish line
and yes a vibe will help you orgasm, use it for clit stimulation and you will more than likely have an orgasm, maybe even try fantasizing of your hubby going down on you so this way it will help you relax and orgasm
Does he ever go down town? he should please his wife! it should be a 50/50 type of deal
I Hope you 2 can work things out, sex between a couple is so important, especially great, special, SATISFYING sex, the key is that you both satisfy each other, it should be both of your intentions. He should go out of his way to please you


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

He says he went down once. Thing is I don't remember it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Start talking about sex outside of the bedroom - look him in the eye and ask him to repeat it back to you. Realize not all fantasies will come true, but some of them he should be willing to at least meet you halfway. Insist on counseling if that doesn't work.


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

It was because I was exhausted to begin with. He had made promises that he would do it but didn't follow through. He's doing the same thing now. I bring it up he makes a promise to do it at a later time. My thinking has been get it while u can, even if u r 2 exhausted 2 remember it l8r. Last time he said he did it was Dec. 3rd, 2007. My 21st B-day. No alcohol was consumed that day. Hubby doesn't allow drinking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

You seem to be harboring guilt over fantasizing during sex with your husband.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all and I am not threatened by my partner fantasizing. To a certain extent, part of intimacy is "using" your partner's body to fulfill your pleasure and letting your partner use it (body and mind). You are supposed to be friends having sex.

And he should be going down on your more often than since Dec. 3, 2007. It's the most erotic act of sex IMHO.

I do think you need to "self-explore" you own body more. If you havent' gotten an orgasm from masturbating. . .it's a tall request to have your man know how to give you one.

Simply put, you give yourself an orgasm, not your partner.

James Bond is a fictional character.


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