# am i weird for this or is it a fetish



## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

okay this gonna sound weird but i dont care so here it is

so my wife sexted an old flame of hers and i found out so i told her to tell me about all her past parters.wat i found out was shocking she said she had about 20 past partners and 2 friends with befits that each lasted 2 years .when she told me i was a lil upset but for some reason iwas really turned on by some of her stories she told me!she had a hard time telling me some stuff but the more in detail she got the more turned on i got, she says she thinks its weird that i wanna know these details but im afraid to tell her that i get aroused by these stories and wanna have sex after like later on that night.im a very open minded person but i dont want her to have sex with any one else or want her to cheat but for some reason when i hear her stories i get all excited like a kid looking at porn for the first time.her stories are graphic and very sexual that was a time in her life were she didnt want a boyfriend and wanted to have fun (shes not like that now at all) i also tell her i dont mind it and im not judging her at all i just wanna know but some times she says she fells like a **** but i tell her shes not she my beautiful wife that experimented when she was younger (shes 25) i also told her its not fair that a man can sleep around and hes the man and when a woman does it shes a ****.
so what should i do i love her naughty stories and want to know more but i dont want her to feel like shes a **** or like shes hurting me.

i also dont want her to think im a weirdo for kinda liking her stories what should i do please help

p.s jokes are ok but dont be an a**hole


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, you know her stories now...but maybe get into some erotica where she can read stories to you?

I have never been one to want to know stories of my husband's past, so i don't know if it's a fetish or not.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

shes told me and some stuff not all. like if we see something sexual or some is talking about something sexual and i ask her if shes done that and shell say yea and ill be like really when was this she will say i will tell you later and we wont unless were drunk and she accidentally tells me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I don't think this is going to end well. Like you said at first you were upset about what she did before she was with you. Then you started to get turned on by the stories. At some point you might return to being upset at her. That would not be fair.

I like the idea of having her read you erotica instead of you trying to get her to tell you her own intimate life details.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Waiting until you were married to ask her about her past sexual partners sounds a little odd, because usually if someone is going to want that information, it's going to be much earlier in the relationship, and certainly before marriage...

However, whilst I would be very concerned about a spouse sexting exes, as long as she's happy to recall her past sexual experiences to you in graphic detail, I guess there's nothing wrong in you getting a thrill out of it...


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I don't think this is going to end well. Like you said at first you were upset about what she did before she was with you. Then you started to get turned on by the stories. At some point you might return to being upset at her. That would not be fair.
> 
> I like the idea of having her read you erotica instead of you trying to get her to tell you her own intimate life details.


true but i was more upset that she kinda kept it from me we would talk about it a little bit before our son and she would drink and slip up and say stuff and i wouldn't be mad i might look into the erotica thing i just feel like if i tell her i like the stories shes gonna judge me


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> Waiting until you were married to ask her about her past sexual partners sounds a little odd, because usually if someone is going to want that information, it's going to be much earlier in the relationship, and certainly before marriage...
> 
> However, whilst I would be very concerned about a spouse sexting exes, as long as she's happy to recall her past sexual experiences to you in graphic detail, I guess there's nothing wrong in you getting a thrill out of it...


 we talked about it before marriage but she lied about the number and about male friends she did it with but we handled the friends part.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Learn to be open with her. Talk about feeling judged before you say you want erotic stories (hers or otherwise). If you have the fear of being judged, you can't reach full intimacy.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

i think i really just miss the brutal truth.it seemed like she use to have no problem telling me what i asked for no matter what was before our son came and now shes like a model citizen and mom


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Then let her be the model citizen and mom right now. Her past is her past. HER past. Not yours. Her mental state has changed now that she's a mom, let her be who she is. Not everyone wants to recall the past.

Which is why erotica is a good choice. Bedtime stories


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

ok i get the past is the past but she asks me about mine and i tell her no problem seems kinda unfair that i give her all of me past and all, she married me so she took on all of me good and bad in sickness and in health but if ask her leave it be to me kinda unfair


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

supermad30 said:


> ok i get the past is the past but she asks me about mine and i tell her no problem seems kinda unfair that i give her all of me past and all, she married me so she took on all of me good and bad in sickness and in health but if ask her leave it be to me kinda unfair


Do you give her the same level of details that she gives you?


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

So many types of men, but I can't stomach the thought of my wife with anyone else. 

I know it's overused but I'd assume this is an alpha/beta thing.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

I think you have a real problem....

-you two have communication issues
-she is setting old lovers

That says there is something going on that you need to get to the bottom of, ASAP.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Do you give her the same level of details that she gives you?


yes i do shes more jealous tho but i tell her since you asked for it im gonna tell you the truth so dont get mad if its sounds like alot.sometimes shes cool with it and some times she has this i hate you look lol but i mean at least i have no secrets.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> I think you have a real problem....
> 
> -you two have communication issues
> -she is setting old lovers
> ...


the sexting was a guy she use to like in her high school and they took the flirting to far thats it she never had sex with him she didnt know that the guy knew my brother and i knew him from playing football in college


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

It's a natural biological reaction. She talks about sex with someone else and you want to get your sperm into her ASAP to increase the chances that any offspring will be yours.


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## As You Wish (Jun 5, 2012)

I don't know, Drover. I'm female and love to hear details about my DH's previous experiences. So is that also a biological reaction? 

He doesn't tell me much, because he thinks it's weird. :lol: I don't push it, because I'd rather focus my energy getting him to indulge me my main kink, which is getting him to spank me. :lol:

I'm pretty sure him reading erotica to me would turn me WAY on. I'll have to ask him to do that.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

You're worried about whether this is a fetish or not?? REALLY??

I also would be more concerned about the fact that my wife (whom I don't want her to be with any other man) is sexting an ex-boyfriend that she used to bang!

You reassure shes not a wh0re? Sorry but if she's sexting other men, she may be. God only knows what else she's done behind your back. If I were you, I'd be looking into this PRONTO!


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

Toffer said:


> You're worried about whether this is a fetish or not?? REALLY??
> 
> I also would be more concerned about the fact that my wife (whom I don't want her to be with any other man) is sexting an ex-boyfriend that she used to bang!
> 
> You reassure shes not a wh0re? Sorry but if she's sexting other men, she may be. God only knows what else she's done behind your back. If I were you, I'd be looking into this PRONTO!


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/scratchhead.gif
wow you must cant read or something i said an old flame. she never banged him or kissed or anything he dated her old best friend , and second of all we already work that out shes not on Facebook anymore im the only one whos knows the laptop password and i check her phone often if i did anything else it be freaking jail. soo back off the sexting part i only put it there because when that happened we started to talk more about our past and the people we use to like


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## ValleyForge (Jun 26, 2012)

Sounds like a mild Cuckold fetish. 

A **** fetish is pretty much a man being sexually aroused by the idea of his wife having sex with other men and/or cheating on him. 

It's usually a form of emotional masochism. Sometimes it's used in BDSM play, sometimes a guy just likes the idea of his wife being ****ty / sexy to other people. 

I would not suggest you encourage her to ACT on this, as a lot of guys that are into **** are also paranoid about being cheated on and can't handle the real emotional consequences of their fetish (The sex drive works in mysterious ways) 

But I don't see how her telling you dirty stories is a danger to you. In fact, if you really want, she could make up some stories about things that aren't currently happening to keep it extra fresh. Just make sure you are clear about just wanting to HEAR about it and not actually EXPERIENCE it. If that's the case. 

And don't worry about if other people think this is normal or not. If it turns you on, and it turns her on, and you can both be responsible about it to each other, then it's nobody else's business.


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## xena74 (May 5, 2012)

I agree with Valley, if it's what turns you on, then it's all good. The great thing about being married is that your wife is supposed to be the one person in the world you can tell your fetishes to and not be judged. I have told my DH about wanting all kinds of "weird" stuff, and he's more than happy to help. It may not turn him on, but he says if it turns me on, then it turns him on! FYI, I got an app on my phone that has erotica on tape, it works great and might be good for you to try.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Bad business.
Many moons ago I used to know this chick whose boyfriend used to do her the exact , same thing. The only way he would be turned on was if she told him expicit details of what a bad girl she was... Her boyfriend was almost twice her age , so I thought it was an " old man thing." [Fetish]
However , she was very frustrated! He thought the sex was great,and she told me she used to fake it with him because she felt emotionally distant during lovemaking .
In the end she left him.......

[Yeah,we did bang each other for a while after!]


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

supermad30 said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/scratchhead.gif
> wow you must cant read or something i said an old flame. she never banged him or kissed or anything he dated her old best friend , and second of all we already work that out shes not on Facebook anymore im the only one whos knows the laptop password and i check her phone often if i did anything else it be freaking jail. soo back off the sexting part i only put it there because when that happened we started to talk more about our past and the people we use to like


I can't read? Your post clearly states "so my wife sexted an old flame of hers and i found out"

Buddy, I think most people here will agree with me that a "flame" is an ex-BF or GF. I did stretch it a little when I wrote the part about her banging him (in the past when she dated him) Perhaps it's more of an issue that you can't write effectively?

Obviously, you have trust issues with your wife (she's not on Facebook anymore, doesn't have the PW for the laptop and you feel the need to check her phone "often").

Believe me, I'm not saying you're wrong to have trust issues but I do believe your concerns are misplaced at this point


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

supermad30 said:


> okay this gonna sound weird but i dont care so here it is
> 
> so my wife sexted an old flame of hers and i found out so i told her to tell me about all her past parters.


Okay wait what... hold on.... your wife....WIFE was texting another man about sex. And you just wanted to know about her past partner. 

.........................Have you heard of an Emotional Affair and sexting is usually a precursor to it moving from a EA to a PA physical affair. 

I am not trying to be an ass here. But if my wife sexted anyone other than me she would not be communicating with that person ever again. I think you have something more serious going on here. You really need to get to the bottom of this. Maybe you are turned on by the idea of your wife with someone else. I am sure you are not okay with the idea of your wife with someone else behind your back. 
I would stop talking to her about this and start checking email, text conversations, and phone records. I trust my wife and I also love my marriage enough to verify everything is okay.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

badbane said:


> Okay wait what... hold on.... your wife....WIFE was texting another man about sex. And you just wanted to know about her past partner.
> 
> .........................Have you heard of an Emotional Affair and sexting is usually a precursor to it moving from a EA to a PA physical affair.
> 
> ...


I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one thinking this way!


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

supermad30 said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/scratchhead.gif
> wow you must cant read or something i said an old flame. she never banged him or kissed or anything he dated her old best friend , and second of all we already work that out shes not on Facebook anymore im the only one whos knows the laptop password and i check her phone often if i did anything else it be freaking jail. soo back off the sexting part i only put it there because when that happened we started to talk more about our past and the people we use to like


Now that's the alpha missing in the original post. This is the man talking.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

badbane said:


> Okay wait what... hold on.... your wife....WIFE was texting another man about sex. And you just wanted to know about her past partner.
> 
> .........................Have you heard of an Emotional Affair and sexting is usually a precursor to it moving from a EA to a PA physical affair.
> 
> ...


@toffer and bad bane

she never had sex with this guy ever. she does not talk to him at all he lives in new york me and my wife live in California i checked all there was to be checked about this situation and that incident. i know computers well and thats how i found out my brother hangs out with him , my cousin also,i know himas well. im not gonna destroy my marriage by stripping my wife of everything just because of on bad decision. she emotionally cheat yes i told her that and if its happens again no matter how much i love her shes gone, and my sons staying with me im no dummy nor am i oblivious to what has taken place and can happen. all im asking is do you guys think im weird for asking details about my wife's sexual past and sometimes get a little turned on and do you think its becoming a fetish 

thats it!!!!:tool:


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

badbane said:


> Okay wait what... hold on.... your wife....WIFE was texting another man about sex. And you just wanted to know about her past partner.
> 
> .........................Have you heard of an Emotional Affair and sexting is usually a precursor to it moving from a EA to a PA physical affair.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Basically what I tried to say in my post.
Back in those days there were no cellphones. Lady was complaining to ME about that same type of behaviour.
We ended up having a few rounds in the sack a couple of times.

Not a good type of fetish at all.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

xena74 said:


> I agree with Valley, if it's what turns you on, then it's all good. The great thing about being married is that your wife is supposed to be the one person in the world you can tell your fetishes to and not be judged. I have told my DH about wanting all kinds of "weird" stuff, and he's more than happy to help. It may not turn him on, but he says if it turns me on, then it turns him on! FYI, I got an app on my phone that has erotica on tape, it works great and might be good for you to try.


yea its a young marriage and the more me and my wife talk about things like what we can do better to make our marriage better and what turns her on now and what i like now we get alot closer.

what i have noticed is that my wives kinks or fetishes change constantly and im willing and ready but now that we have a son she admitted it is hard for her to get out of mommy mode get in to freak mode lol but its a work in progress and seems like its getting better


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Basically what I tried to say in my post.
> Back in those days there were no cellphones. Lady was complaining to ME about that same type of behaviour.
> ...


ok i don't do this every time we have sex its like once every other month . for instance we both are having a drink together relaxing after putting our some to sleep and sometimes i ask about the past and sometimes she asks me about the past the difference is she wont ask for details and i will


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

well don't start out your post with, my wife sexted and guy fail to mention you handled the situation." jeez here we are thinking you being a MNG while you wife is running around on you. 

To answer the question at hand no it is not weird. I would hesitate to say that right now it might turn you on but it could lead to you wondering if you can stack up. I mean do you really wanna hear how your wife banged a guy with a unit that could eat yours whole, spit it out, and then make it cry for mommy. I find myself getting angry at the thought of anyone being inside my wife before me. I don't hold it against her. I just don't like the idea except for her lesbian experimentation phase. Now those stories I NEVER get tired of.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

badbane said:


> well don't start out your post with, my wife sexted and guy fail to mention you handled the situation." jeez here we are thinking you being a MNG while you wife is running around on you.
> 
> To answer the question at hand no it is not weird. I would hesitate to say that right now it might turn you on but it could lead to you wondering if you can stack up. I mean do you really wanna hear how your wife banged a guy with a unit that could eat yours whole, spit it out, and then make it cry for mommy. I find myself getting angry at the thought of anyone being inside my wife before me. I don't hold it against her. I just don't like the idea except for her lesbian experimentation phase. Now those stories I NEVER get tired of.


:iagree:

BTW, name calling those who are honestly trying to help you (like your cute little "Tool" sign) is counter productive.

Often times posters come here with a question about something that seems innocuous and then discover from others that there could be an issue that they didn't see.

Not saying this is the case with you but your presentation of your question made it seem like there were/are other issue(s) going on. That's what badbane and I got from it. We read your original question but read past it since it looked as if there was something else going on and thought that maybe you didn't see it. Sometimes when we are so close to an issue we don't really see it


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

yea my wife has a couple of lesbian stories as well and for the other guy being bigger than me i really dont ask about his unit and i also know that nowadays its super hard to find a virgin and personaly i dont want virgin i wanted i woman who know wat she wants and how she wants it and not someone i have to teach, trust me i tried it and it sucks. my wife had no problem before saying wat she did in the past but i think being a mom now she doesn't like her past now


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Basically what I tried to say in my post.
> Back in those days there were no cellphones. Lady was complaining to ME about that same type of behaviour.
> ...





Toffer said:


> :iagree:
> 
> BTW, name calling those who are honestly trying to help you (like your cute little "Tool" sign) is counter productive.
> 
> ...


ok my bad for the tool thing and maybe i should have spent more time on the original post, i was kinda in a rush but for now on i will double check and explain my post in deep detail , but i appreciate you trying to help it just doesn't fit for this situation


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