# webcam is it cheating or not?



## confusedbrun1 (Jul 18, 2012)

my husband of 10 years has been caught 3 times now viewing and exposing himself to other women via webcam. I was wondering how many of you consider this cheating? And would YOU leave him over this? We do have other issues (posted in the marriage and addiction). Also, when we lay down and go to sleep at night it appears he gets up, looks at porn on his cellphone and masturbates EVERY night. Please read my other post for my details beware though its tmi. I have looked at his phone history (most of the time he deletes it) and i have seen several links to free webcams and ****** maddison. I know this could be pop ups but with his webcam history I am not taking any chances. I am afraid he might be exposing himself again so I wanted to know if there was a free keylogger for an htc thunderbolt phone? I only need the trial to last for a few days and be easy to install since i have limited time around his phone. Believe me if I ask him he WILL deny it. I need to know for sure before I confront him and figure out what i want to do. 

if you want a little more history on us please feel free to ask.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Cheating in my opinion.









_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lalsr1988 (Apr 16, 2012)

How would he react if he caught you naked on webcam for other guys? It would be a deal breaker for me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Its cheating.


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Its cheating.


:iagree:

It's something he physically does with OW in private, so yes, it's cheating.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Yes it's cheating. Looking at porn is not cheating, but live cams, especially two way....yes cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well if he was hiding it from you and knows you are not "okay" with it then it is infidelity imo


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

So he's on the bed,right next to you,looking @ porn on his phone and masturbating while you are sleeping?
You need to give him a " wake up " call.
He needs serious counselling.


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

IMO webcam cybersex is the same as a PA. To me it is just having sex but not being able to logistically pull it off. If he were to ever find a easy way to meet f2f. I am pretty sure it would be an automatic PA.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yes it is cheating and you need to kick HIM out, not leave yourself. Please read my story - my husband had cyberaffairs and that's exactly what I did.


----------



## confusedbrun1 (Jul 18, 2012)

i just wanted to give dh and fair judgement to so it wasn't one sided.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You just made it worse. Now he's a cheater AND abusive.


----------



## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Too many dealbreakers in your posts. I would give him a choice to start counseling ASAP or you're going to start the D process.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Seriously, this guy is a piece of trash. Get out.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This is cheating. And not only that, he keeps doing it after you called him out on it. And the ******* site--is a site specifically tailored for cheating.


----------



## confusedbrun1 (Jul 18, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> This is cheating. And not only that, he keeps doing it after you called him out on it. And the ******* site--is a site specifically tailored for cheating.


I know it is but chalked it up to being a pop up. 
So the things I did didn't change your opinions or an idea of what he went through? His older brother has cheated of his wife a number of times and she stays my dh thinks she's a strong woman and agree s with her staying!
I was thinking of setting up a cellphone video recorder to catch him tonight that way I have the proof he always asks for. lol
he blames my family for the cop's deal and I did to for awhile since I asked them not to call. But I miss my sister and want her back in my life but of course that will upset him 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Anyone who stays with someone who has cheated on them "several times" isn't strong, they're either totally lacking in self respect or they're having the wool pulled completely over their eyes.

This guy is not only cheating on you, he's also physically abusing you!!!!! Can't you see that?

You need to go to a shelter or something and get out from under this guys spell. PLEASE, WAKE UP.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why doesn't he want your sister back in your life? 



confusedbrun1 said:


> I know it is but chalked it up to being a pop up.
> So the things I did didn't change your opinions or an idea of what he went through?


Nope. The reason why is he is showing you over and over again that your feelings don't matter to him. You've already told him you have a problem with XYZ and he keeps doing it. He is cheating on you. You need to acknowledge that and decide what you want.



confusedbrun1 said:


> His older brother has cheated of his wife a number of times and she stays my dh thinks she's a strong woman and agree s with her staying!



Because he's a cake-eater.


----------



## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

He's a porn addict, if that's not obvious already.


----------



## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Could someone send me a message and provide me with more info on that site that is geared for cheating?

No, not wanting to cheat but want to be aware of it so if I cross it in our computer history...


Oh, and yes....very much cheating in my opinion. Set up a webcam and make it appear that you are doing what he does. You will instantly see he thinks it is cheating too.


----------



## confusedbrun1 (Jul 18, 2012)

he doesn't want my sister in "our" lives b/c she was the one who said to call the cops. Then while he was in jail my mom and her came to help me pack. During that time my sister talked to him briefly on the phone. When she hung up she told me he said "he know's your getting a divorce and he understands that now." When dh and i made up he said he never told her that b/c he stil had believed that we could work things out. My sister of course stands by what she said. I am in the middle and it sucks. My sister and I do not speak b/c he HATES her and she doesn't speak to me b/c she doesn't feel like she did anything wrong. 

Please does anyone have any good webcam apps for a cellphone? I just want to record him tonight just once.


----------



## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Complexity said:


> He's a porn addict, if that's not obvious already.


:iagree:


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

This is not only cheating, OP, it is abusive; emotional, sexual, and physical. The longer you're with him, the more he will damage your self-esteem. IMO, a man like that is not going to change.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

confusedbrun1 said:


> I just want to record him tonight just once.


WHY?!?!?! How much more browbeating do you need for him to prove to you he doesn't give a sh!t about you??


----------



## confusedbrun1 (Jul 18, 2012)

Because then I have leverage against him actual proof. I really do want to leave but it's very complicated and feeling this way. I just wanna play all my cards correctly. Honestly ladies if this is was your husband how would you confront them.
Part of me is scared of his reaction the other part is scared of my reaction. Sorry for the long vents everyone I will figure things out. 
Thank u
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

What's he using? Sype? YM? FB Chat?


----------



## confusedbrun1 (Jul 18, 2012)

He's on his cellphone but before this it was just a free webcam site.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You can read my story via the link in my sig - I confronted him by kicking his ass to the curb that same day. Which you should have done long ago, or rather you should have left long ago and gone to a shelter.

If you ignore the fact he's cheating on you, the way he treats you is horrible. Why do you need proof of his cheating? Are you hoping you don't actually find anything out so you can stay with him longer?


----------



## Readytogo (Jul 11, 2012)

I've been in a similar situation. Working on 25 years in August. Working on myself lately and how to get out. Please read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. I never realized how much trouble I was in until I read this book.


----------



## AwwSnail (Jul 22, 2012)

You need to figure out if this life is the one you want to live. I've been in a very, very similar situation: I left. There came a point when after all of the lies and all of the excuses it became extremely clear to me that he was sleeping with someone else. For some reason, that was enough for me. It should have been prior to this. It should have been before it got to where it did. 

The man you are married to is not a man. He is a coward. You are better than this. You deserve better than this. Please begin to tell yourself this, you may one day believe it and have the strength to follow through with leaving. 

Ask yourself this, with all of the behavior you have done to catch him, do you like who you had to become to achieve your super sleuth ways? Are you proud of your behavior trying to catch him? Is this how you imagined life in a marriage? If you answered no to any of these, please, please take some time and walk away. Get some clarity. Start seeing a therapist, maybe take a self-defense course, its pretty empowering and might just be a step in gaining more confidence. 

Good luck, its a rough road, but totally worth it. The moment you realize you are not walking on eggshells in your own home can be overwhelming. I cried tears of relief and happiness. There will be pain, heart break and wounds to heal. But you can do it. And its worth it.


----------



## Readytogo (Jul 11, 2012)

confusedbrun1 said:


> he doesn't want my sister in "our" lives b/c she was the one who said to call the cops. Then while he was in jail my mom and her came to help me pack. During that time my sister talked to him briefly on the phone. When she hung up she told me he said "he know's your getting a divorce and he understands that now." When dh and i made up he said he never told her that b/c he stil had believed that we could work things out. My sister of course stands by what she said. I am in the middle and it sucks. My sister and I do not speak b/c he HATES her and she doesn't speak to me b/c she doesn't feel like she did anything wrong.
> 
> Please does anyone have any good webcam apps for a cellphone? I just want to record him tonight just once.



Usually family has your best interest and wants to protect you. My H made things very difficult when I wanted to visit my family because he didnt want me sharing the details of what he was up to. If he's trying to keep you from your family- that's a big red flag. He's trying to sway you to think like him, to minimize his actions and make it seem like you are over-reacting.


----------



## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

If he's spanking it to some girl in Hungary for a few bucks, thats not cheating. If its a coworker and they're doing the same, then you have to put 2and 2together. As his spouse, you may find that perverted or something, but it's just another form of porn. Men are horny bastards; there's no getting around it. A woman wouldn't go online for hours searching for that one particular girl to finish off to while edging the entire time. They would just break out the vibrator or point the shower head nozzle in the right spot and get it over with. 

Not cheating at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Complexity said:


> *He's a porn addict, if that's not obvious already.*


While I agree that he is addicted to porn,I think the compulsive masturbation, and the fact that he was asking females for naked pics, looks more like a sex addiction....

I think his addiction is putting her through HELL with their family and her family!


----------



## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> If he's spanking it to some girl in Hungary for a few bucks, thats not cheating. If its a coworker and they're doing the same, then you have to put 2and 2together. As his spouse, you may find that perverted or something, but it's just another form of porn. Men are horny bastards; there's no getting around it. A woman wouldn't go online for hours searching for that one particular girl to finish off to while edging the entire time. They would just break out the vibrator or point the shower head nozzle in the right spot and get it over with.
> 
> Not cheating at all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Written like a true porn addict.
I'll bet your marriage has no problems?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## confusedbrun1 (Jul 18, 2012)

Spoke to him last night again claims he is sleeping when he views porn so I said if that's true we will get u evaluated by a professional! lol I also said if it comes back he is lying I am filing for divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

If you are doing something that you would not do with or in front of your spouse, If you are talking or writing someone that you would not share with your spouse it is cheating.

You guys need to go to MC right away and put a keylogger on that computer now.


----------



## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

mahike said:


> If you are doing something that you would not do with or in front of your spouse, If you are talking or writing someone that you would not share with your spouse it is cheating.
> 
> You guys need to go to MC right away and put a keylogger on that computer now.


:iagree:
Unless you cam with your spouse, in the same end of the cam or the other, it's cheating (unless you have an agreement of course). I can't see how it can be viewed differently, all though I tend to be open minded.


----------



## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

*LittleDeer* said:


> Written like a true porn addict.
> I'll bet your marriage has no problems?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My marriage is far from perfect. And I may be viewed a porn addict by some, which reverts back to my HD-LD situation. Would you rather your SO has an affair or wacks off this way? If the LD is leaving the other person hanging all or the majority of the time, something's got to give. It's like a progression, if you will. Photos, clips, live webcams. Another sign of long term LD spouse ignoring the HDs needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## confusedbrun1 (Jul 18, 2012)

That's just it I'm not ignoring his needs we have sex every day and he still whacks off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

My h told me he used the cam to masturbate. I was real pissed that it took him like 5 months to tell me. He claims he forgot.
I didn't get mad despite how much it pissed me off. Because I wanted him to feel comfortable talking to me and tellinf me things. 
How's your sex life? Is his porn habbit interfering? If you politely ask him to quit, and he doesn't, get mad and start wondering what else he's doing.
I have no suggestions for a keylogger though, I'm very sorry.


----------



## confusedbrun1 (Jul 18, 2012)

Our sex life is great but from him doing this every night makes me think less of him. I have talked to him several times denies and says he must be doing it in his sleep
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

confusedbrun1 said:


> Our sex life is great but from him doing this every night makes me think less of him. I have talked to him several times denies and says he must be doing it in his sleep
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh god..


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> My marriage is far from perfect. And I may be viewed a porn addict by some, which reverts back to my HD-LD situation. Would you rather your SO has an affair or wacks off this way? If the LD is leaving the other person hanging all or the majority of the time, something's got to give. It's like a progression, if you will. Photos, clips, live webcams. Another sign of long term LD spouse ignoring the HDs needs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Read the OP's posts again. She's NOT ignoring her husband's needs.

And another thing. Masturbating and watching porn around your wife, isn't going to increase her sex drive. I'm HD, but I can tell you, the very idea of watching a man playing with himself in front of a computer would leave me cold.


----------



## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Since you deleted your post regarding your husband abusing you, you're not ready to leave yet, no matter how much "evidence" you gather.
Until you get yourself in a healthy mental state, everything else is just a smoke screen.
Stop putting the energy into catching your husband, it's a waste of time because you won't do anything with the evidence, except stress yourself out even more.
"You can't handle the truth" because the truth in this situation won't set you free. 
If you want to leave & divorce him, then do it, stop looking for the magic bullet, you know what he's doing, you don't have to prove to him what he's already more than fully aware of.


----------



## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

Cheating


----------



## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

Actually, I find that weird. You are married to a Weirdo.


----------



## Readytogo (Jul 11, 2012)

Ditto what Phenix70 said. 

don't throw stones for me asking but....
I'd also think the licking the phone very odd. Does he ask for oral? and maybe your not giving or something?
just thought I'd throw that out there.


----------



## confusedbrun1 (Jul 18, 2012)

I understand and yes I do maybe not often enough but I do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

40isthenew20 said:


> My marriage is far from perfect. And I may be viewed a porn addict by some, which reverts back to my HD-LD situation. Would you rather your SO has an affair or wacks off this way? If the LD is leaving the other person hanging all or the majority of the time, something's got to give. It's like a progression, if you will. Photos, clips, live webcams. Another sign of long term LD spouse ignoring the HDs needs.


I think her husband may be a true sex addict though, i don't think she leaves him hanging.


----------



## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

I can solve your problem. Have sex with him every day for 30 days. And if he wants it twice in a day do it 3 times.


----------

