# If today is any indication, this next year will be rough



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

I know that hate just makes you a slave of the person you hate, but I honestly hate her!!!!! She texted me yesterday that I could pick the kids up 9 AM Sunday. I was supposed to get them this evening, had planned on cooking them dinner and doing Christmas with them. Both girls are supposed to go to a lock in at church tomorrow night, so basically because of her selfishness, she gets to have a Christmas with them and I do not. We cannot do it during the week because my son works evenings and is not usually home till his youngest sister is getting ready for bed.

So now my lawyer will be filing a motion with the courts to establish custody and a formal visitation schedule because the [email protected]#[email protected]!$ @itch cannot be trusted to keep her word. If this is any indication of what the divorce is going to be like, then this year is going to be hell!

She has not replied back since I told her last night that she would find out about January from my lawyer through hers and that I was filing for an emergency hearing. I am miserable. All I want is to see my kids. Why does it seem she does everything she can to hurt me?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sorry. She is a b1tch? Probably why you are divorcing her? Might want to include a co parenting class as part of the divorce agreement. She is harming her kids with her behavior as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

The state requires a course in co-parenting as part of the divorce. She really just does not seem to care if she hurts the kids. Leaves them (11 and 13) at home at night and goes out with her "friend" until early hours of the morning, tells the eldest (18) that she will do something with him and then breaks the promise time and again. Makes him feel unwelcome in her home because he spends time with me. It just goes on and on.

And the sad and pathetic thing is a part of me still loves her or else I would not hate her so much.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Probably late but have you read up on the 180? Your 18 year old can start giving her repercussions for her crappie behavior. I set my mom straight when I was 15.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

So I wonder how much trouble I will get in with the courts if I go to her apartment, wait for her to get home and tell her that I am taking the kids.

Somehow I do not think the court will look too favorably on that but it would make me feel so much better. But I know I will not do that because it would be making the kids pawns in our divorce and I do not want to hurt them.

Man this sucks so bad…...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

180 bro. Best way to destroy a shallow person like your wife is to live really well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

She finally texted back to ask what time I will be picking them up tomorrow!!!!! Have half a mind to text back 12:01 AM!

Replied back that the last text I had gotten from her said she would bring them over here "as soon as" they got back.

She replied she had not heard from me, to which I replied that I had responded that I would be getting a child parenting plan from the court so there would not be any more "miscommunication".

She said that did not tell her anything about today. I left that one sitting there because I think it made it very clear that she needed to act right. I am so [email protected]$#[email protected]#[email protected]#$ mad. Since I did not hear from her all day, I cooked nothing for my kids so we will be having pizza for Christmas.


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

You are right, if she does this, use your attorney and court system, don't back down and inch, ever, on anything.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Gonna Make It said:


> So I wonder how much trouble I will get in with the courts if I go to her apartment, wait for her to get home and tell her that I am taking the kids.
> 
> Somehow I do not think the court will look too favorably on that but it would make me feel so much better. But I know I will not do that because it would be making the kids pawns in our divorce and I do not want to hurt them.
> 
> Man this sucks so bad…...


Once you have a custody and time sharing plan you can have the police accompany you to get them if she pulls this crap.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Gonna Make It said:


> She finally texted back to ask what time I will be picking them up tomorrow!!!!! Have half a mind to text back 12:01 AM!
> 
> Replied back that the last text I had gotten from her said she would bring them over here "as soon as" they got back.
> 
> ...


Or you could take them out for a Christmas dinner.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I'm really sorry you and the kids are being pulled apart over the holidays.
Once you get the kids, try really really hard not to mention her, or your not cooking a meal. Just focus on them. With the youngest at 11, they know what is going on and they want a parent who loves them, not one who is angry at their mom. It is hard, but you can do this.

And get a detailed parenting plan. Ask that it include the right for you to have them anytime she goes out so they aren't by themselves. This gives you more time. As Elegirl mentioned, they also allow you to call the cops if she violates it, but honestly that is extremely traumatic for kids. I suppose you can always threaten her with it. 
It will get easier.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Who's living in the marital home? If you aren't, were you removed by court order?

If there is no Custody Order, then you have equal access to the children. 

Why so much contact with her? Cut that out. Radio silence. If you communicate, do it via email or some method that's easy to document.

Voice recorder. I don't care if you're in a 1 party or 2 party state. It saves you headaches way more than it can ever create.

Personally, I signed up for a google voice number hen I divorced. Told the ex I was moving to a new provider, new number. Forwarded it to my phone and recorded every call. Saved my bacon.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Why so much contact with her? Try a 13 year old and an 11 year old that deserve to have two parents in their lives. She broke up our house, but I will be damned if I will let it hurt my darling daughters any more than I have to. So we text plans about the kids. Who is supposed to pick up. When we will bring them by. What are you getting them for Christmas so we do not both get them the same thing.

Do I hate her, yep. Does that mean I go radio silent and have no relationship with my girls? Hell no!

I talked to my lawyer yesterday, told him to tell her lawyer that I would be expecting the girls for two weeks this January and gave him my weeks for the year. I know they will fight it as I am asking for 183 overnights this year.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Well, big surprise, she texted me last night. Wanted to know when I was bringing kids back. Told her after work on Friday. Told her that I had informed my lawyer to inform hers when I wanted kids next month. She complained her lawyer was on vacation this week so could I just tell her. Then she went off when I told her I expected my kids for two weeks next month. I simply answered that I was not going to argue with her. I changed jobs to spend more time with my kids, I had asked the court for two weeks a month and I was going to get two weeks a month until a judge says otherwise. That shut her up. Not a peep since.

I am slowly moving from my codependent ways.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Gonna Make It said:


> Why does it seem she does everything she can to hurt me?


Cuz you took her doormat away...now she has no one to walk on. I'm guessing she had her cake and ate it. Then when you kicked her to the curb that all stopped and her new reality isn't what she thought it would be.
Once you stood up to her it just pissed her off.

How dare you start showing some self respect.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

I would love to say that I kicked her to the curb, but that is not the case. She dumped me. And it hurt. I am learning how dysfunctional our relationship was, and how codependent I was and to a certain degree still am, through hours upon hours of therapy. I am learning to stand up more for myself and who I am, that is something I lost sight of in our 21 yr marriage.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Today was rough. Don't know why it was, but it was. My daughters both acted like they do not want to spend any time with me. My oldest daughter did not want any of the black eyes or collard greens. When I told her it was a tradition, she threw in my face how all the rest of our traditions are out the window so why not that one too. I feel so alone. I just realized that I am alone. First New Years alone in my life. There was always my parents and then I was dating my wife and then we were married and spent every New Years together. Now I have nothing. And this year is going to be another hell of a year with child custody and divorce. I just feel like just giving up today.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Gonna Make It said:


> I know that hate just makes you a slave of the person you hate, but I honestly hate her!!!!! She texted me yesterday that I could pick the kids up 9 AM Sunday. I was supposed to get them this evening, had planned on cooking them dinner and doing Christmas with them. Both girls are supposed to go to a lock in at church tomorrow night, so basically because of her selfishness, she gets to have a Christmas with them and I do not. We cannot do it during the week because my son works evenings and is not usually home till his youngest sister is getting ready for bed.
> 
> So now my lawyer will be filing a motion with the courts to establish custody and a formal visitation schedule because the [email protected]#[email protected]!$ @itch cannot be trusted to keep her word. If this is any indication of what the divorce is going to be like, then this year is going to be hell!
> 
> She has not replied back since I told her last night that she would find out about January from my lawyer through hers and that I was filing for an emergency hearing. I am miserable. All I want is to see my kids. Why does it seem she does everything she can to hurt me?


I STRONGLY recommend you read this guy's thread. Many similarities. 

LBHmidwest


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

She hurts you because she feels superior when she does.
That feeling is all that is standing in the way of her realization that she just gave up everything you had together.

Naturally, she will do anything NOT to feel like the failure she sees herself as.


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