# Progress.



## Husbandinneed92 (Aug 5, 2012)

I think I'd just like to say something positive in this thread. I'd like to keep it to the positive changes I've had through my now 2 month separation (at least 4 months emotional separation)

Anyway, since I separated I've:

*Seen my mates no less than 22 times in the 60 days. Not a bad figure. We've gone out shopping, movies, drinks, parties together. That sort of thing. Even just seeing a mate working at the local shops and kicking off in his break together. This is coming from someone who wasn't "allowed" to see these friends. Now I'm offering them advice on women like old times.

*Lost a whopping 23kg and counting. This is cheating a bit because it includes the one month before she left for the other guy, which put me under a lot of stress. So to be fair, I've lost about 15kg in 2 months, and am losing 2-3 a week consistently. I've started doing my weights and endurance training, and have taken up boxing again. I also walk everyday around my parents farm.

*Started seeing an old High School Sweetheart. We've been talking about being in a relationship and may do so in the future. In the meantime, we've been supporting each-other and talking a lot. There was one situation in which we could have been intimate (ie naked and ready) but I royally ****ed it up thinking about my stbxw. The consolation is that she understood. I told her (truthfully) that she's much better looking than my stbxw and that rectified the situation pretty well. Right now, we're very emotionally close, and can't go a day without talking. It's not a needy sort that my ex had with me, but it's more of a mutual feeling. It makes us both happy.

*Taken up reading again. Right now it's self-help books, but I put time aside to find a nook and read. It helps me and it's nice to escape.

*Taken up playing games again (those ones my ex hated like Rage, Fallout series, etc) I can finally play what I want, when I want, as loud as I want. I'm also allowed to play games that *gasp* show women in partial or no clothing. I'm allowed to not be a child.

*Reconnected with my family. I now spend much more time with them and they're helping me to heal. I've got a lot closer to my cousins through this, and am going on a pub run with them in a week or so.

*Discovered who my true friends are. Not the ones who just say "he/she is a *****" but the ones who support me, listen to and believe me. They tell me "you told us for years that she was hurting you. We remember that and know it's not your fault" They also have no problem making fun of me and take me out to cheer me up. I'd be lost without them.

*Discovered this wonderful site. I know I might not help people much yet, but I'm hoping this post cheers some people up and shows that, even in a painful separation post-abuse, there is still happiness to be found.

So yeah, that's just some of the good things that have happened since the separation.

Oh and I almost forgot!:

*I can now do what I want with my clothes (now 3 sizes down) and can grow my hair and beard how I want. I can just look at myself and think "yeah, that's pretty good" and go out. There's none of this "I don't think that suits my dress" or "you look like a hobo" crap. I've also discovered that you don't need to wear hair gel to survive.

*The toilet seat is perfectly fine being left up, thankyou.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Congratulations on it all.

You might want to reconsider about the toilet seat if you are getting serious with your female friend. Take it from one who has fallen in in the middle of the night!


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Be careful with the girl...talking every day will get you to attachmentville faster than you think. Take it from someone who just went through it...it can be a codependent trait, even if it is mutual. Also, if you use her as an emotional crutch so early in your separation, you may not be able to heal properly. Only you can make that determination...I just urge you to be honest with yourself and trust your gut. If she is right for you long term, make sure you go into it completely ready!

Very glad you have been spending more time with friends! Those are the right people to lean on, along with family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

always great to hear about the high side of the rollercoaster. good for you!


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## Husbandinneed92 (Aug 5, 2012)

@Frostflower - Thankyou. It's nice to be able to post something positive everynow and then. I just need to be in a good mood at the time, but it does happen. 
Haha, I will probably get the toilet seat, but mainly at nighttime. I was thinking of occasionally putting it down and placing a small vase on it to show how wonderfully considerate and thoughtful I am. I'm looking at moving out from my parents (where I am for suicide watch) and will be getting my own home where I can have more freedom. She could then come and go when she wants. I don't know how serious we'll get, but she's been a massive help with helping me to get over my stbxw. I owe a lot to her. It's really like not a day has passed since I first slipped her my email and number in year 11. 

@MyselfAgain - I will be careful. I plan on leaving it at least another month or so to decide on what I want. We've also been toning down the contact, and I can go for about 2 days without caving. I'm trying not to use her as an emotional crutch but the wonderful thing about her is that she asks the questions that help me. She really is a very giving person.
The only thing my gut is against is the fact she has quite a few visible tattoos, but that's mainly my ultra-conservative upbringing speaking. I have quite a few myself but they're all hidden. So besides that, I know that slow and steady could well make this work!
It's been great to be spending more time with friends. I get the next weekend off work due to the boss (Dad) being on holiday, so I intend to go out for drinks and games. It should be great. 

@Orpheus - It's good to be on the high side of it. It's a relief being able to even get these sacred minutes of happiness after all the muck I've had to go through. I also hope it encourages anyone else who's had an abusive or walkaway wife. There is light at the end of the tunnel - and it's not always a train.


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