# How does your mate make you feel desired?



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I think feeling desirable in a relationship is very important. For me, it's a must. I need to hear and feel that my partner cares about me, enjoys my company, and finds me appealing and sexy. The more you feel you are desired, the better you feel about yourself as a woman. I believe it results in better intimacy, and of course better sex. I don't think all men can express this well, and maybe they don't feel that a woman needs to hear or know their partner is crazy about them, that it's a given. In my next relationship, I don't want anything to become "comfortable".

So, how does your partner show you that you are desirable?? Is it with words, or actions, or a mix of both???


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I need to feel desired and loved too.... but I don't think it makes me feel better about myself as a woman. It does encourage that level of mutual attraction though. He might need it in slightly different ways to me but we both need to feel admired, respected and desired. He shows me with words, actions and body language.

It can be when I'm at my crappiest, unwell, no makeup, yet he compliments me and tells me he desires me. It can be when I'm dressed up, and he pulls me in for a kiss and asks how he got so lucky. The way he hangs back if we're out walking just so he can "admire the view". 

When we get to a restaurant and he takes the side of the table that doesn't have a view. I'll ask if he'd prefer my side and he answers "I'm staying right here, I have the best view in the whole place." (facing a wall - but he means me lol). 

The way he listens and takes interest in me. That he always includes me. It's in the little things he does to let me know he's thinking of me - such as saving the last chocolate lol.

It's in the quiet early mornings, when I'm barely awake and he's stroking the hair from my face. Those random moments where I catch him looking at me and it gives me a flutter inside. And there's more flirtatious moments as well... but you get the idea.


It's also in the way he is for himself. He cares about his appearance (without being caught up on image), his well-being, about the type of man he is. Yes, for himself, but he wants to stay desirable to me too. That in itself shows me he desires me, if that makes sense?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I always compliment her figure, her clothes, but I'm honest if something doesn't look "right" on her. I touch, hug, and kiss her all the time.
I tell her how beautiful she is, how sexy she is and how much much I love her.

She does the same for me.
There's a lot of serious "love talk" and a lot, a whole lot of joking, fun, sarcastic "love talk".
We always try to make each other laugh. It's hard to be mad or upset if you're laughing.
Also, we both really know what the other likes and does not like. We try to do the "likes" and do our best to avoid the "not likes".


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

DanF said:


> but I'm honest if something doesn't look "right" on her.


good man :smthumbup:


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

It's a mix. Compliments, touches, plays grabass, tells me I am hot, beautiful, sexy, etc, and gives specifics. He hugs, and gives the best like lingering hugs, like even if we are standing.... can't really explain that. Kissing deeply, that lets me know instead of just a peck. He will verbalize it a lot more than anything, but other ways, is he plays with my hair, will put his arm around me, but touch my breast. Then of course in a make out session he tells me all sorts of things, about what he sees, what he feels etc.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

To let me know he thinks I'm sexy, he touches me a lot. He loves to pinch my butt and try to reach down my shirt  He will text me throughout the day with texts that are....sexual...with a countdown until we're in bed (10pm bedtime haha). He'll say, "Nice ass..." or whatever. When I'm cooking, he'll sit in the kitchen on a stool and we'll chat and he'll stare at my butt. Nice. :lol:

Emotionally, we connect on another level. He asks my opinions and takes my advice. He snuggles me and we hang out like 'bros' nightly.

10pm comes and it's on! I know if he's feeling romantic, or just naughty, by the way he kisses me. He's a great kisser.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

she doesnt


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

Okeydokie, I was just thinking "he doesn't" when I read the title. Then I read your post


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## Mr Wolf (Mar 1, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> I need to feel desired and loved too.... but I don't think it makes me feel better about myself as a woman. It does encourage that level of mutual attraction though. He might need it in slightly different ways to me but we both need to feel admired, respected and desired. He shows me with words, actions and body language.
> 
> It can be when I'm at my crappiest, unwell, no makeup, yet he compliments me and tells me he desires me. It can be when I'm dressed up, and he pulls me in for a kiss and asks how he got so lucky. The way he hangs back if we're out walking just so he can "admire the view".
> 
> ...


This is great! 

Its funny though, to some women this is the man oversexualizing them and treating them like objects... to others its making them feel desired.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Mr Wolf said:


> This is great!
> 
> Its funny though, to some women this is the man oversexualizing them and treating them like objects... to others its making them feel desired.


The way he is with me overall, means I never feel like an object. Not at all! I want him to be attracted to me physically, mentally, and emotionally... and for him, the emotional level of attraction/connection has to be there. 

I compliment how he looks in (and out of) his clothes. When I see him walking from the bathroom to the bedroom, I whistle or compliment him. I noticed he looked back at me the other morning to see if I was looking his way, when my reaction was delayed. I think he was waiting for it lol. I told him "I see you there, looking all sexy..."  TMI? Not sure. It works for us.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

DanF said:


> I always compliment her figure, her clothes, but I'm honest if something doesn't look "right" on her.


Her: "Do these pants make my ass look fat?"

Me: "You've got a great ass, and those pants really don't do it justice."


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

One thing I'd say is that he can't make you feel desired. It's up to you to feel good about yourself, and to do what you need to do to make that happen. He can show that you're desirable to him, but that's not the same thing. And if you don't feel good about yourself, no amount of compliments, affection, flirting, initiating sex, etc. will help.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Drover said:


> One thing I'd say is that he can't make you feel desired. It's up to you to feel good about yourself, and to do what you need to do to make that happen. He can show that you're desirable to him, but that's not the same thing. And if you don't feel good about yourself, no amount of compliments, affection, flirting, initiating sex, etc. will help.


BS... sorry have to say that.... confidence and sexual confidence and "feeling desired by your mate" are two totally different things. Your mate absolutely makes you feel desired or not. If your mate shows no interest in you, you do not feel desired, if your mate shows interest in you, compliments you etc, you feel desired by them.... I think you read the question wrong.... 
This one wasn't like the other one, there was another post how can I make my wife feel more attractive, that is totally different... but your mate can absolutely make you feel desired... and in your situation, your wife is not making you feel desired


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

I misspoke/mistyped. I meant desirable...not desired. He can show you he desires you but if she doesn't believe she's desirable it will only go so far. You can't fix someone else's low self-esteem.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Drover said:


> I misspoke/mistyped. I meant desirable...not desired. He can show you he desires you but if she doesn't believe she's desirable it will only go so far. You can't fix someone else's low self-esteem.


Now that is very true


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

With most women ( & men) there are at least a few things we feel self-assured about in regard to our attractiveness.

So I must say, even though a person's self-esteem may not be the greatest & yes- we are ultimately responsible for it..
if your SO does a good job at being consistent with genuine complimenting, it definitely helps. 

It helps one see the bright side & latch more readily onto a positive train of thought, 
as opposed to the self destructive line of thinking many of us get stuck in.

It's important that she actually BELIEVE what her SO is saying as well. That's where my personal road-block was.
Once I overcame my doubts, his comments flooded me with positive feelings & absolutely affected how desirable I felt.

Little looks, catching him watching me, winks, telling me I'm hot & that I'm the most beautiful woman to him- I can now hear & take at face value..
I can actually thank the awesome men & women on TAM for helping to open my eyes to the fact that husbands can & do strongly desire their wives, regardless of our body-issues, etc...

So yes, you CAN help, for sure!! She is responsible for herself, but you can encourage her in the right direction.
Have fun!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

This is a peice of the same answer I gave on another thread started by Random Dude, a near similar question.....He also asked how we feel "admired" in addition to desired...

****************************
I would say my husband expresses his admiration & desire towards me MORE through *his TOUCH*.... always wanting to hold, kiss, embrace, run his fingers through my hair. His craving to be close to me makes me feel very loved & wanted. 

If we take a walk...he reaches for my hand, puts his arms around me, even while driving, he will do this. He wants his "Cuddling time" before he lays his head to sleep... before he gets up for work.... a kiss & "I love you" always on his lips...when he comes home the 1st thing he does is look for MOM... he will wrap his arms around me -if I am at the sink, rub up against me & say something sexy many times. Love this ! 

He is not as much of an expressor as me in words (that'd be asking MUCH anyway!) .... though I do wish he was more of an overt flirter sometimes -in the naughty dirty lusty sense. 

A couple times a month he will mention my "wild sex hair" in the mornings...loves that Untamed look- especially when I jump on top of him. 

... If I start to get a little angry, he might throw a ..."You're turning me on" at me (we are odd!).... he tells me I am "hot" about twice a week - those friskier moments alone. 

Some of his "admiration" comments are over the top......he is the type, he doesn't say a whole lot but when he does, I just know he means it....I feel his words in how he treats me.. 

When we feel "treasured" by our husbands...that we could never be easily replaced by another woman in his heart.....even with our bad days... this is so very precious....reaches into our souls & sets us on high.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

I always love your comments, SA! 

...and I totally agree, there is nothing like feeling treasured!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

I don't get that many compliments but an occasional "this dress suits you well" "you are so hot" "you smell yummy" or a love song. Oh I do get "you look bad in that, where on earth did you buy that" "wow, this pants make you butt look too big" I do appreciate his honesty But this is not what makes me feel desired its the attention, gestures and touch he gives me. We never walk together without holding hands, he will treat me like a princes on our date nights, peeking into my blouse unexpected, pinches, kisses and most of all his creative way of keeping the fire going eg. pretending we have just met and asking me out, one day he dropped this message "hey babe, hope you remember me, I'm so and so whom you met on ..... how are you now? Is you husband treating you well? How is married life? Hope you are happy with him, please don't hesitate to contact me if you feel unhappy in any way" haha...I really liked this message, it shows that he wants to please me and keep me happy and instead of asking me directly he brings back the guy he was when we met.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

karma*girl said:


> I always love your comments, SA!
> 
> ...and I totally agree, there is nothing like feeling treasured!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you Karma Girl, sometimes I wonder if I sound a little "over the top" on here... but I hate to tone it down too. 

A couple years ago, I think I had some kind of addiction to *desire*.....I get a truck load of "I love you's" ....(warm fuzzies- of course I am not complaining) ....but what I really wanted to hear was... "*I WANT YOU*". (Lust..intense desire! ) A couple times I told him he loves his Mother too. (just trying to express what I would prefer hearing sometimes, after all I was going on about wanting him every darn day.) 

That was likely a little twisted at the time, my hormones were really acting up badly...affecting my brain..... so this subject of "desire" ...I have thought an awful lot about it. It is pretty darn important to me. I don't think I could be happy without that flowing between us on a regular basis. 

I wouldn't care if he had a lousy job, that he is a nice guy, that our house & cars are older, if he was a little needy, if we argued & faught... but I couldn't live with out some of that sweet desire being showered on me......that just kinda makes up for all the rest a couple struggles with on a daily basis. 

Kinda how I look at it anyway. 



> *Thewife said*: and most of all his creative way of keeping the fire going eg. pretending we have just met and asking me out, one day he dropped this message "hey babe, hope you remember me, I'm so and so whom you met on ..... how are you now? Is you husband treating you well? How is married life? Hope you are happy with him, please don't hesitate to contact me if you feel unhappy in any way" haha...I really liked this message, it shows that he wants to please me and keep me happy and instead of asking me directly he brings back the guy he was when we met.


 I love this! I think we all need to re-visit our beginning -like we just met, get a little creative like your husband did. Very sweet ! Love the peeking in your blouse too. We could put on an old love song, stop & dance together, these things can usher us back in time.


We should aim to rekindle an affair with our spouse. ... always.


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