# Should I give him another chance?



## Pregnant and Lost (Feb 4, 2016)

My husband and I have been together for 10 years married for 4. We have a two year old and I am 8 and a half months pregnant with our second. Four months ago I was looking through my husband phone and found flirty texts and half naked pictures between him and one of my friends. I confronted my husband and he eventually admitted they've been seeing each other off and on for 7 or so months. The affair was emotional as well as physical. He ended things with her and promised that she was completely out of his life and if there was ever any contact with her he would tell me about it. I decided to give him another chance and we had been working things out and trust was starting to be rebuilt. This past weekend he was in the city she lives in (without me) which made me a little nervous. He had been drinking and I asked him if he planned on staying over at a friends house or coming home and he told me he was going to stay. I obviously didn't want him to drink and drive so I told him that was fine but I was a little uncomfortable with the idea of him staying there without me. He assured me I had nothing to worry about and that he hadn't talked to her or thought about her in months. A few days later I found out that he had tried to see her while he was drunk and then continued to text her the next few days telling her that he was still into her and missed talking to her. I confronted him about it and he tried to deny it at first and then eventually admitted that they had been talking. He didn't think it was a big deal since nothing had happened. I promised myself I would leave if something like this happened again but with the baby coming in a few weeks I don't know if I can. I still really want to make things work but don't know how I could ever trust him again. And if he still has feelings for her I don't know how we can move forward. Do I give him another chance?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Not unless you want to be married to someone who's always going to cheat on you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

marduk said:


> Not unless you want to be married to someone who's always going to cheat on you.


Agreed.

Also, does your ex-friend have a husband, fiancé, etc? If so, was the affair exposed to him?

And how did you find out that he'd attempted to see her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pregnant and Lost (Feb 4, 2016)

She had a boyfriend at the time and he found out and broke up with her. She's currently with a new guy. His iMessages get sent my iPad (which he didn't know) so I saw that he had texted her at 2am saying that he was in her city and she didn't respond until the next day.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Maybe he should stop drinking?


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here my Lady.

He cheated on you when you needed him most,during your pregnancy. He never thought about you and your kids.

He wanted to do it second time but his plan did not worked,because she never answered his calls.
What is even worse it was one of your friends and Affair was going on for 7 months or more.

A good husband and father will never do such things,sorry.

My advice is to see your lawyer and your custody rights,but IF you want to stay together make him do all the work. No excuses,no shift blaming,no secret acounts or traveling without you.

I almost forget - did he talked with therapist or MC. It have to be his decision and his effort to save your marriage,not something where you "force" him to do it just because of your kids sake.

Think what you want and make sure this will never happen in 5-10 years.

Stay strong my Lady.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

I've often thought to myself, if I found out my wife had an affair I think in the right circumstances I could forgive her and move beyond it. I've never been in the situation so I don't know for sure and who knows, maybe my emotions would get the better of me.

I say that first off because we have been together for almost 30 years and needing a little excitement after 30 years I think would be understandable and forgivable. But remember I said under the right circumstances. Well the right circumstances would include an acknowledgement that it was wrong, acceptance and ownership of the damage done to us and most importantly a truly repentant turn around. 

A repentant man doesn't go back for more.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I think you should lawyer up without informing him. Get all your legal ducks in a row and then destroy him.

He is a piece of dog poop!

Take him to the cleaners in a divorce.

Have him served at work or in front of family members or friends.

You have to be tough right now to protect your future and your children.

Men who love their wives and children don't stick their dongs in other women and keep trying after they are caught.

End this guy and I'm really sorry he put you in this position.

Get support. Friends and family. If you haven't, expose what is going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He cheated on you, he cheated on his toddler, he cheated on his second child.

My word. He is a real keeper! Sorry, no, I should have said a real kipper, as he is stinky and flat useless.

Counselling might work, individual and couples but his heart has to be in it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Pregnant and Lost said:


> She had a boyfriend at the time and he found out and broke up with her. She's currently with a new guy. His iMessages get sent my iPad (which he didn't know) so I saw that he had texted her at 2am saying that he was in her city and she didn't respond until the next day.


How did she respond?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I know with being pregnant with the baby being here soon is tough, but he has already showing you for the 2nd time he is a cheater, liar and that you can not trust him.

Do you want to live the rest of your life wondering what he is doing and who he is with, that would make for one miserable life. I think you need to do what is best for you and I do not think it will be to live a life of feeling like you are losing your sanity.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

So if she had answered, he could have had sex with her, come home and had sex with you and potentially passed stds on to not only you but your unborn child.

That's nice of him.

I don't generally go down the std route in my posts, but that sticks out to me.

There's a saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" which I don't believe to be true in all cases.

In this one, I think it is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> He cheated on you, he cheated on his toddler, he cheated on his second child.
> 
> My word. He is a real keeper! Sorry, no, I should have said a real kipper, as he is stinky and flat useless.
> 
> Counselling might work, individual and couples but his heart has to be in it.


This. Some way to show how much love and respect he has for his family! 
You say you really want to work things out and stay with him... Why? Is is because you don't think you could make it on your own? There are always other options, picking the crappiest (IMO) isn't smart.
Alas if you are staying with his cheating a$$ then you need to be very firm with him. He has to quit drinking, totally NO contact with the other woman EVER AGAIN. Also, total transparency which means he has to give you access to his mobile/s any time you request, all passwords to email accounts/social networks. And definitely he needs to have some individual counseling as well as marriage counseling because if he can't determine the cause of him sabotaging his marriage and family he has little to no chance of him fixing it. So that means no more rug sweeping for you.
Best of luck


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

As I have learned in my Psychology classes and from a friend who was a psychologist specializing in marriage counseling until his wife cheated on him, a person's past behavior is a good indicator of their future behavior. I have found this to be true. Every woman who cheated on me, cheated on the next guy after me. While it is not 100%, the saying that once a cheater, always a cheater is more true than false.

I do not like cheaters. They have lied to you and broke your trust. It takes many years to restore trust and it is a difficult thing to do. How can you believe a word that a cheating spouse tells you when he or she just got through telling you that they lied to you about where they were while they were cheating. If you think you can handle being suspicious of everything your husband does out of the ordinary, forgive him. I could not live like that personally because my stomach would be in knots each time my wife came home late, bought new lingerie and perfume, whispered on the phone, changed their passwords on everything, etc.. 

I say this as someone who has been in a non monogamous marriage for over 40 years. I do not feel monogamy works for many married people and despite my lifestyle, I am still married when everyone we knew, is not. So I am all for sex for sex's sake with other people as long as the marriage comes first. However, if someone vows to be monogamous and I do the same, I darn well expect them to keep their word or they are gone. For me it is not the sex with others that is the problem; it is the lying, deception and broken trust. 

It is your life and your decision. I never take the advice from strangers on the internet. I make my own decisions because it is my life, not theirs and it is much different for me to sit here and tell you that the odds are that if you forgive your husband, he will just get better at not getting caught. I am not in love with him. I do not know how he would treat me. I have no idea of his core nature. You decide.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Pregnant and Lost said:


> She had a boyfriend at the time and he found out and broke up with her. She's currently with a new guy. His iMessages get sent my iPad (which he didn't know) so I saw that he had texted her at 2am saying that he was in her city and she didn't respond until the next day.


The good ol' iPad blowing up!!

Awful timing with your pregnancy. But speaks to even more to his character. He cheats on you with his friend while you, his wife, are carrying his child. That's pretty low.

Should you give him ANOTHER chance? I wouldn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

I would ditch him quick fast and in a hurry.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

This is and always will be a deal breaker for me, personally. Don't feel like you need to stay because you have kids with him. What would you most likely do if you did not have kids with him? I'm not advocating divorce, but maybe separate...think things out, and then come to a resolution. But, I think you need time apart, at the least. (I would end things, personally...there are plenty of men who will not cheat. PLENTY) So sorry you are going through this, hugs <3


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Vinnydee said:


> It is your life and your decision. I never take the advice from strangers on the internet. I make my own decisions because it is my life, not theirs and it is much different for me to sit here and tell you that the odds are that if you forgive your husband, he will just get better at not getting caught. I am not in love with him. I do not know how he would treat me. I have no idea of his core nature. You decide.


I wish similar verbiage was popped in a window requiring every new account to read and acknowledge when creating a profile.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

A 2nd chance... Maybe. A 3rd chance... NEVER.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Here's the thing: he likes this other woman and fantasizes about having sex with her. The one time opportunity presents itself--- bang.

Like you, I figure there will be another that interests him.
It's a weakness, cheating. I think the guy probably wants to be faithful, but is just too weak. I've heard cheating is much easier on the conscience after the first time, and I believe that to be true.
So he's even weaker than ever. He knows he's already a cheater. 

I don't know what to tell you. But the smart money is on him cheating again. I think it will be one heartbreak after another. You'll be hurt and angry all the time, he'll find an affair partner with no conscience and want to run off with her, then when he does the cycle of cheating will start again, except the new person will be the recipient.

But that's just crystal ball stuff. The question you have to answer is "is he going to cheat again, and if so, can I live with it and be happy?"

Good luck, I'm very sorry you're having to go through this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

No. Your husband is dirt. Don't waste the best years of your life on this. I wasted 20 years on a man who didn't not love me. He couldn't love me or anyone but himself. 

Run. Pregnant? AND with a "friend". No way!!! 

Please set a strong example for your children. If you are even considering sharing the same air as this jerk, seek some counseling for yourself. Right now you need to be taking care of YOU. 

HE WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER CHANGE. NOT FOR YOU OR ANYONE. EVER. LET HIM BE SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM. 

Hugs go out to you at this terrible time. Get rid of him and life will get better.


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

So sorry you are going through this, reading your story is breaking my heart. Sounds like he doesn't know what he wants right now. You are having to deal with this when you both should be celebrating the arrival of a new baby together. It is making me cry this morning, so sorry that this is happening to you. 

If you leave him it will be tough especially with the new baby, if you stay you will always be worrying about him cheating. After an affair is found, it is very hard to repair the damage. 

Follow your heart, be strong, hang in there and be a good mom, that is all you can really do. Just try to be the best mom you can and focus on yourself and your children.


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## Femme2016 (Jan 10, 2016)

I'm in your boat, I found out when our baby was 6 months that my husband had been having an affair for over a year, the whole time I was pregnant. After I found out we agreed to work on it and be transparent, he is a recovering addict and the woman he cheated with goes to meetings so I asked him to tell me when he saw her or if she tried to contact him.

Things were better for a while and then not so good- I still struggled with the betrayal and was depressed, I needed him to be strong for me in those times but he couldn't , he just went right back to her again when it got hard between us. We are separated now and will divorce.

You gave him a chance and he still tried to get back with her, even if if wasn't sex he was putting his "emotional effort" there instead of focusing on you, and that is a choice - drunk or not. Just my experience , you do what will make you happy and your babies will be happy, hang in there!


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

Leave him.

Sent from Above


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

Sorry your here ,,,,

Lets be honest. The reason he didn't have sex with her when he was drunk was because she didn't respond. Believe me he would have been there in a flash had she given him the green light.

It's my honest belief he won't stop cheating. It's not just his unfaithfulness ,,, it's the fact he was drunk. I am not a tea totaler. When you drink too much all reason goes out the door. 

It will be tough with the kids by yourself but you can't continue to be constantly checking on him, where is he, whats he doing. That isn't a good life, you deserve better.


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