# Oral, how important is it?



## rsalsa (Apr 19, 2010)

I have been married 23 years. The last few years have been pretty rough, I put on a lot of weight and was miserable. Started losing weight last summer and things are great, having sex 3 times a week. The problem, he won't go down on me. I go down on him everytime we have sex, mostly as foreplay as he would rather have the real thing. So, it's not that I won't go down on him. Now he did in the early years of marriage, a lot. He is also somewhat selfish in bed. I have never had an orgasm without a toy, and he doesn't really like doing that. Everything outside the bedroom is great. 

Just wondering how big of a deal that is for most women? For me it really hurts my feelings when I think about it. He says he understands that, but still nothing. Wanted to get some feedback on if I'm making too big of a deal out of this.

Thoughts? Comments from men are welcome as well.


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

I'm in the same boat as you when it comes to being eaten out. My hubby only did it once and has yet to do it again. To me, it is really important. The reason it is is because to me it makes me feel like he accepts every part of me and truly cares about me as a whole.

Without it I feel like a toy he can use and do what he wants with.


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

All I gotta say to you ladies is Your husbands are lucky men to be married to women like you, as a guy I can tell you I would absolutely love it if my wife enjoyed to be eaten out..but instead she's ashamed of it more often than not...but not to turn this into my thread I will tell you one thing..
"take the initiative..force his head down..if not, tell him what you want..a man Loves it when his woman lets him know what she likes..us men like to know that we are making our wives feel good..if they dont let us know we see it as a waste of time"


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

If both of you are happy with or without it, then its not important. The only time it becomes important is if one of you really wants to receive or give and the other doesn't. 
My wife has never given me oral and never will (she said as much). I could go and get oral elsewhere....but I want my wife to do it, not some hooker. I used to do it to her and she enjoyed it....she knows how much I would love her to do it to me but she refuses so now I don't do it to her either.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I think that performing oral sex on your partner is the most selfless act you can do in the bedroom. The giver gets no pleasure other than seeing, feeling, and knowing that his or her partner is experiencing pure joy.
I love to give and receive and so does my wife.
I honestly believe that people who will not (for whatever reason) go down on their partner are just selfish.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

1. Wash yourself well with a decent soap and make sure you taste good.
2. Go and sit on his face or ask him for queening, telling him to make you cum in his mouth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

DanF - :iagree:
Surely if you love someone you like to see them enjoying what you are doing to them? If my wife wanted me to, say, stick my tongue in here ear (which I dont enjoy!) I would do it because SHE loved it.
If you love your H and you know how much he would like you to give him a BJ then why not?
The only reason I stopped giving my wife oral was because her her blank refusal to reciprocate. 
Maybe I'm being petty, but if she doesnt want to do something that I enjoy biut she doesn't, why should I?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

This may or may not work. It will maximize your shot at success with some/many guys.

1. if he does not have a drinking "problem" get him to have a couple of drinks just before showering
2. then shower together and hop in bed - that way he knows you are clean - I imagine you already are but this removes any doubt
3. then see if you can get him to 69 

IMO this is about wanting to please your partner. 




rsalsa said:


> I have been married 23 years. The last few years have been pretty rough, I put on a lot of weight and was miserable. Started losing weight last summer and things are great, having sex 3 times a week. The problem, he won't go down on me. I go down on him everytime we have sex, mostly as foreplay as he would rather have the real thing. So, it's not that I won't go down on him. Now he did in the early years of marriage, a lot. He is also somewhat selfish in bed. I have never had an orgasm without a toy, and he doesn't really like doing that. Everything outside the bedroom is great.
> 
> Just wondering how big of a deal that is for most women? For me it really hurts my feelings when I think about it. He says he understands that, but still nothing. Wanted to get some feedback on if I'm making too big of a deal out of this.
> 
> Thoughts? Comments from men are welcome as well.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

this totally sucks for you. hubby and i do each other regulary and its never been an issue. It is a big deal for me, in fact a deal breaker. I love to pleasure him this way and would be totally disappointed if i had to beg for it or wait for my birthday. 

It would hurt my feelings if he just stopped doing it after doing it for me. I would want to know why, whats wrong, and how the hell i can fix it FAST. If he couldnt or wouldnt give me any feedback could work with, then I would get mad and it would effect our relationship


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Jane....she did ask and I told her..."I don't dislike going down on you but I do it because it gives me real pleasure to see you enjoying it...I really want you to atleast try giving me a BJ..." the reply was a very simple 'over my dead body'.
Fine...have it your way then. I dont get what I would really like and nor does she. Her call.
I dont want a hooker to do it, I want the person I love and cherish to do it.... Guess its either a hooker or forget it.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

It's extremely important to me as it's the only way I can have an orgasm. So if my husband wouldn't do oral on me, then I would be pretty damn frustrated.

So to me - during sex - #1 importance!


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

jezza said:


> Jane....she did ask and I told her..."I don't dislike going down on you but I do it because it gives me real pleasure to see you enjoying it...I really want you to atleast try giving me a BJ..." the reply was a very simple 'over my dead body'.
> Fine...have it your way then. I dont get what I would really like and nor does she. Her call.
> I dont want a hooker to do it, I want the person I love and cherish to do it.... Guess its either a hooker or forget it.


one of the reasons im so open to do it anytime is because he doesnt insist on the one thing that would make giving a blowjob unappealing and that is finishing in my mouth. I just CANT tolerate or stomache that. Ive tried and i.just.cant. Its no big deal for him an there is no pressure or beggin me to cum in my mouth so he gets BJs everytime we have sex. Its not just for him either it turns me on. 

I wonder if some womens resistance to it is their man insisting on cumming in there their mouth. Some men can be so adolescent, whiny, and babyish about it to the extent that some women dig in and just refuse. (ive been through this with another partner)

your wife is tripping. she wants you to go down on her but not willing to reciprocate? hmph! (taking into consideration that finishing in her mouth is not a requirement)


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

It wasn't really "important" in my marriage. I'm probably the only guy in the world who didn't crave bjs, and my wife enjoyed receiving, but it wasn't her main thing. However, I think people should be open to each other's needs and be willing to talk and work things out. 
If it is important to one, it should be important to the other to the point it should be addressed in conversation. I don't know your particular issues or his. My wife had a body chemistry that didn't produce a bad odor. Of course, she bathed daily, and with that, she had no odor there, no foot odor, etc., so that made it easy for me.


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## sailorgirl (Jun 9, 2010)

I like getting oral, but it's very important. My husband has only given me oral a few times in the 15 years or so we have been together. Though I usually give him Bjs as foreplay. I can orgasm pretty easy. I can orgasm sometimes by just having my breast played with/sucked. So I can orgasm with out oral. Of course getting any sort of sex from my husband is hard.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

rsalsa said:


> I have been married 23 years. The last few years have been pretty rough, I put on a lot of weight and was miserable. Started losing weight last summer and things are great, having sex 3 times a week. The problem, he won't go down on me. I go down on him everytime we have sex, mostly as foreplay as he would rather have the real thing. So, it's not that I won't go down on him. Now he did in the early years of marriage, a lot. He is also somewhat selfish in bed. I have never had an orgasm without a toy, and he doesn't really like doing that. Everything outside the bedroom is great.
> 
> Just wondering how big of a deal that is for most women? For me it really hurts my feelings when I think about it. He says he understands that, but still nothing. Wanted to get some feedback on if I'm making too big of a deal out of this.
> 
> Thoughts? Comments from men are welcome as well.


I have the sex drive of a teenage boy and I LOVE oral; giving and receiving. My husband rarely did it while we were dating, but he does it much more often now. The last two times, he completely surprised me. :smthumbup: 

Have you spoken to hubs about how his lack of oral or sharing in bed?


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Only reason why i don't give oral everytime is because she saids its not necessary, and to change things up. i've never asked her to give me a bj, because i want to do all the pleasing in the bedroom. If it doesn't bring pleasure to the woman, i don't want her to do it. She is willing to do it if i give the ok.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

I love it!!! make her cum all day orally if she let me! & shes a BBW!


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

Its probably just a personal preference thing. Just like some women dont like giving head to guys, some guys don't like giving head to women. You should respect this and just do other stuff in bed I would say. I would not take it personally, its not really a big deal - he probably just doesn't like that particular act.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Well, this is my first post here, but I have to say, it's very important to me and my girlfriend (of 10 years) I loveeee receiving blowjobs and she loves giving it to me, even all the way to swallowing etc. She likes watching me enjoy and just enjoys it.

And I like giving it to her. It's everything that I like about her. How it smells and tastes, and feeling, hearing and seeing her enjoy it.

We do it most of the time we have sex, so yeah, quite important for us.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

hi--
oral is sooo important to my husband, i like it as well.
back to you...have you tried to make it relaxing, and no pressure. my husband has his days when its all about get off, but if im not in the mood, i say, this will be under my terms, and i will talk during it, and laugh, just have a good time.

maybe it could be a nice setting, and you could state that you dont have to finish, just to get her used to it and just have fun, bring honey and cool whip, and ice, chocolate syrup....


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## KortneyLuv (Jan 13, 2011)

I would move on if he didnt like it, because I love it. Lately, he hasnt been on top of his game.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

I think it is every mans desire to cum in his partners mouth and have her swallow it...! However I can understand women not liking the taste. I'm talking about a wife who enjoys receiving but won't even nibble my scrotum or suck a ball. Ejaculating in her mouth isn't even a dream yet!


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## confussedhubby (Jan 18, 2011)

I think oral is super important. As a guy, you must be able to pleasure your lady and give her what she wants. Make sure you are super clean down there, maybe trim area if you dont already, and find other ways to make it inviting so to speak. I cannot get enough of oral, and would rather give than anything else. Just talk to him and find out what the true issue is. There has to be a reason why a guy does not want to go down there. My wife hit the "O" 3 times last night while I was down there. So you are missing out if its not being done to you.


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## SteppingStones (Dec 20, 2010)

I think it has varying importance to different people. For me, it took some time to get comfortable with the fact that my husband's face was buried in my most intimate area. I know that sounds odd but I was completely inexperienced when we got married and although I have always been willing to try anything for and with him, somethings have taken longer to become comfortable with.

Also, someone else mentioned trimming - and while this doesn't stop my husband, he likes it extra much when I'm neatly trimmed.

You might think about getting flavored lubes and gels too -- it can be used on men and women. For me, I don't mind giving BJs as much as I sometimes mind receiving them. But I have to be really into it/aroused/drunk/high/etc. in order to swallow. Hubby is great about understanding that it's bitter and he doesn't pressure me -- so every time I do, it's spontaneous on my part and a extra surprise for him. The flavored lube (or even strawberry/chocolate syrup) really helps with the taste if it's something you don't particularly enjoy.

Maybe ask your H if something like that would entice him more. Or maybe just take the initiative, shower first and make sure he knows you are clean, trim, buy some flavored lube (even if he won't use it, you can enjoy it on him  ), and put on some sexy lingerie. Begging during foreplay might ( or might not ) work too -- my H loves to hear me beg for his mouth, especially since oral isn't always something I crave.


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

confussedhubby said:


> I think oral is super important. As a guy, you must be able to pleasure your lady and give her what she wants. Make sure you are super clean down there, maybe trim area if you dont already, and find other ways to make it inviting so to speak. I cannot get enough of oral, and would rather give than anything else. Just talk to him and find out what the true issue is. There has to be a reason why a guy does not want to go down there. My wife hit the "O" 3 times last night while I was down there. So you are missing out if its not being done to you.


:iagree:


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

confussedhubby said:


> I think oral is super important. As a guy, you must be able to pleasure your lady and give her what she wants. Make sure you are super clean down there, maybe trim area if you dont already, and find other ways to make it inviting so to speak. I cannot get enough of oral, and would rather give than anything else. Just talk to him and find out what the true issue is. There has to be a reason why a guy does not want to go down there. My wife hit the "O" 3 times last night while I was down there. So you are missing out if its not being done to you.


It's the only way I can have an O, vaginal never. I love to give to my hubby because I love to see how utterly helplessly excited I can make him. 

I think it is very important for most couples, for women because some have Os with clitoral stimulation only and for men because it is another avenue for orgasm. Besides, it's fun to tease him and watch him squirm a little.


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

Oral is disgusting...sorry. Not everyone likes it.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Moonangel....Its all about mutual respect and understanding. If neither of you like it or want it then there isnt an issue. If, however one partner likes it and wants it but the other doesn't and won't (ever) give or receive then its an issue! 
If 'Mrs' was a vegetarian and 'Mr' loved his meat but his wife never cooked it for him (ever) then she has to accept that occasionally he will go and have a big juicy steak some place else. Either that or just opccasionally she has to cook him one at home...


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I think the poster that things oral is gross has a right to their opinion. In my opinion I think there position is clearly in the minority. 

I am not sure why any man would NOT want to do this to/for his wife. To me there are few things in life that are as great as this act!!! To me it is highly intimate. 

Since there are ALOT of women who can only climax this way (or by using toys) it seems like a no-brainer for hubbys to go downtown on the MRS. I think it would be safe to say that this is a pretty common act in most bedrooms. Particularly, where the women needs this to either get her motor running or to get her to climax. The mechanics of some women's body require more than intercourse to climax. I think it is selfish and short-sighted to go straight to intercourse if oral is the only way to get her to the promised land. I think his lack of willingness to do this is not fair. I am not sure why he is not comfortable with toys but, some men are. Getting him to do oral may be easier than to do the toy thing. 

Like others have said trim and wash up to make certain this that the issue is that there may have been a change in smell taste. If there is hesitancy i would be direct. Tell him what you want!!


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## etftlvr (Jan 19, 2011)

I think oral sex is very important. The way kissing is a very intimate thing, I think oral sex is just as important to intimacy between lovers. I could not even imagine not going down on my wife as a regular practice during sex. For my wife, usually the only way she can orgasm is with direct clitoral stimulation and what better way to accomplish that than with my tongue.

Unfortunately, I rarely ever receive oral from my wife. I wish she could understand how hurtful it is to me that she does not seem to want to go down on me.


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

jezza said:


> Moonangel....Its all about mutual respect and understanding. If neither of you like it or want it then there isnt an issue. If, however one partner likes it and wants it but the other doesn't and won't (ever) give or receive then its an issue!
> If 'Mrs' was a vegetarian and 'Mr' loved his meat but his wife never cooked it for him (ever) then she has to accept that occasionally he will go and have a big juicy steak some place else. Either that or just opccasionally she has to cook him one at home...



Husband wants to give...but I don't want it and he won't go elsewhere for it. Some men just love their wife way too much. And, I don't want it 'cause it's really disgusting. Ew. Same the other way around...although...I'm considering but when I get close...ew.

I know I'm not the only who doesn't like it. I didn't like french kissing either until recently. And I don't like my nipples fondled. It gets me mad.


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

etftlvr said:


> I think oral sex is very important. The way kissing is a very intimate thing, I think oral sex is just as important to intimacy between lovers. I could not even imagine not going down on my wife as a regular practice during sex. For my wife, usually the only way she can orgasm is with direct clitoral stimulation and what better way to accomplish that than with my tongue.
> 
> Unfortunately, I rarely ever receive oral from my wife. I wish she could understand how hurtful it is to me that she does not seem to want to go down on me.


Does she do anything else to replace that need? I definitely do other things for my man. He loves it.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

it just maks my husband all around happy. we were both "v" when we got together, so its taken us years to work out signals, words, actions and attitudes.

for my husband its love and its how he understands love, and my rejection is personal, so we talk about different things for getting in the mood, and ideas for the next day.

prob for us is we were dumb kids who didnt know ant better, and just said yes to things we should have talked about first, and been well into adulthood and had other relationships. then formed a union, but we are backwards and jump into everything both feet frist.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Moonangel...you could be my wife!! 
My wife has never liked French kissing (doesn't do it), she doesn't like me going anywhere near her breasts or nipples doesn't really like me using my fingers on her...she quite likes receiving oral I think ( I say 'I think' because although she doesn't groan or give me any feedback she doesn't stop me)... and anal just isn't even on the list of discussion points!
What does she do back...never oral...not even a gentle nibble of my ball bag. Nada! Her idea of foreplay is me tickling her back whilst she 'plays' with my c***. When I am hard she just sits on me. Its actually very boring indeed...I would give my right arm to have a hot, sensual loving relationship with my wife of 15 years.

I guess some people, both male and female are just not 'into' sex. Which is a great pity. Lovemaking isnt just about 'bonking'...couples should 'make love' all the time (spontaneous hug in the kitchen, pat on the bum, slightly naughty text message, flowers for no reason etc etc) but there also needs to be the physical intimate actual sex part...the wanting each other physically. If that part isnt there....it leads to resentment, wandering eyes etc... Very sad.


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

jezza said:


> Moonangel...you could be my wife!!
> My wife has never liked French kissing (doesn't do it), she doesn't like me going anywhere near her breasts or nipples doesn't really like me using my fingers on her...she quite likes receiving oral I think ( I say 'I think' because although she doesn't groan or give me any feedback she doesn't stop me)... and anal just isn't even on the list of discussion points!
> What does she do back...never oral...not even a gentle nibble of my ball bag. Nada! Her idea of foreplay is me tickling her back whilst she 'plays' with my c***. When I am hard she just sits on me. Its actually very boring indeed...I would give my right arm to have a hot, sensual loving relationship with my wife of 15 years.
> 
> I guess some people, both male and female are just not 'into' sex. Which is a great pity. Lovemaking isnt just about 'bonking'...couples should 'make love' all the time (spontaneous hug in the kitchen, pat on the bum, slightly naughty text message, flowers for no reason etc etc) but there also needs to be the physical intimate actual sex part...the wanting each other physically. If that part isnt there....it leads to resentment, wandering eyes etc... Very sad.


LOL!!! We have similar qualities. I do other things to my husband...along the lines of bondage that drives him wild.

True, lovemaking is a lot more than bonking. Once I spanked husband's b.utt in the kitchen and didn't realize my 8-year-old saw. She asked, "Mommy, why did you spank daddy's b.utt?" Gawd, how embarrassing, but I told her, "He was being naughty so I had to give it to him."


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

moonangel said:


> Once I spanked husband's b.utt in the kitchen and didn't realize my 8-year-old saw. She asked, "Mommy, why did you spank daddy's b.utt?" Gawd, how embarrassing, but I told her, "He was being naughty so I had to give it to him."


:lol::rofl:


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

Draguna said:


> :lol::rofl:


btw, my husband is Dutch.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

moonangel said:


> btw, my husband is Dutch.


Heh, that is interesting. Always funny to see Dutch people in other parts of the world. I just posted the country so people would know why my English might be a bit off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Moonangel...glad I made you laugh! Being a little personal here now...have you ever given 'head' to anyone?
I can understand it if my wife tried it once and said 1) Yuk, I really hated the taste of your cum 2) I hated the taste of your c*** etc
Then we talk about it...how about I tell you when I'm about to cum?...it that is still a big no no, how about sucking my balls? She cant complain about hair because I am clean shaven down there!
If you've never tried something how do you know you don't like it?
I would love to 'frenchie' my wife (oral hygiene isnt an issue!)....have her atleast suck my balls...It would make me feel so much closer to her...and mean SO MUCH to me...
Sorry for being 'graphic' but I really believe that if you truly love someone you want to give them real pleasure. Sometimes you have to compromise. I don't particularly like going down on my wife...she doesnt stop me doing it (as she does most things) so I think she likes it....I derive my pleasure from knowing that she is enjoying it..

You don't like giving 'head' or French kissing so you do something else to make up for it....Its like saying 'I won't do that, but I'd love to do this to you....' 

I was brought up in a very 'non physical' family. I never saw my parents hug or even hold hands...I kiss my mother on my birthday, her birthday and Christmas...as a family we have just never done the physical thing.
Now that I have my only family with two children, we have deliberately made NO issue of nudity or hugging etc. My wife and I don't even have sex in the dark behind a locked door...so all the children see is a hug!

Which leads me to you smacking your husbands butt!! - good you did it and good your child saw it! You might have a little more explaining to do if he/she barged into your bedroom and saw 'Daddy' spreadeagle on the bed with hands and feet tied to the bedposts, a massive erection and you stood over him naked with a whip..!!!!! I guess Daddy will have been SO very naught that Mummy really had to teach him a lesson..... hahahahaha!!!!!!


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## Anangel (Jan 21, 2011)

When first go together he did go down coulpe of times and my god i loved it. because i dont give him blowjob so i stop him not to do it on me which is very frustrating. but personally i think it is great there is nothing more sensous than oral!!!


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

I wish my wife liked oral. I love receiving (of course) and giving, 69 is the best thing to happen since sliced bread. But, she says she does not care for oral on herself. I asked if it was just me, and she said no she would rather have the real thing. Maybe I'm doing it wrong?


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