# I know I'm not the only one with this problem, but...



## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

My husband won't have sex with me and it's driving me nuts!

We have been 'together' over 5 years and married for 3.5 years.

The background on this is long and messy, but I think what it boils down to is that there is something seriously wrong with my husband and he has displayed no interest in fixing it. We don't hug or kiss or have sex. He has said that he will not go to counseling and that he is fine with our life as it is. I've told him that I need affection and sex and he just doesn't get it. He says he 'doesn't feel like it', and I guess that's supposed to be the end of the conversation.

We are going on 5 months without sex and it's killing me. Before that it was 3 months. I NEED sex. I need the intimacy and the connection. My husband, on the other hand, has the emotional depth of a sheet of paper and acts confused when I try to explain to him that I need to get laid.

I'm not one of those women that mopes around wishing my husband would figure out what's wrong. I spell it out, very plainly (I think), and still I get nowhere.

I really don't want to get a divorce, but I see no other way to get what I need, because heaven knows my husband isn't stepping up to the plate.

I'm just wanting to get a male perspective on this (or a female perspective from a woman who had this problem and found a solution other than divorce or infidelity) on how I might approach trying to get it through his thick skull that if he doesn't step up, I'm going to leave him to rot in loneliness for the rest of his days.

Thank you in advance.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I`m male.

A sexless marriage would be a deal breaker for me.

You`ve had sex twice in nearly a year.

You`ve told him how you feel about it.

He won`t tell you what the problem is.

What options are left to you?


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

I don't know 

We used to have great sex, so I know he's capable of it. Divorcing right now would be a huge mess I am not prepared to deal with (financially). As it stands, my son is happy, and if I got a divorce, yes I'd be free to find someone to have sex with, but I'd have to work two jobs to support my son, I'd never see him, and I'd be taking him from the only home he's ever known.

I know eventually, if my husband doesn't wise up, I will need to leave. I'm working on cleaning up my credit report so that I can actually get a place of my own, and I am currently working on paying off my student loans so that I have no debt when I leave. I've also been eating healthier and getting more exercise so that I can lose a few pounds to make dating easier and so that my health insurance premiums will be a little lower.

My plan is to be out of here once my son is in school, to minimize daycare costs. That gives me two years to get out of debt, clean up my credit, lose weight, and find another job... but two more years is a LONG time to go without sex... However, I see no other way to make a smart break any earlier, and I have no idea how to 'make' my husband give a hoot that I'm going to leave him because he sucks as a husband.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Do your two year plan (if that's what works for you) and invest in some toys.

2 years is a very long time without sex. Try to see if you could wing it to leave now.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Do you have any family that could help you out?

I`m just asking because 2 years is a damn long time to go without any type of sexual intimacy.

I couldn`t do it, I`d be at serious risk of infidelity if I tried.


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Do you have any family that could help you out?
> 
> I`m just asking because 2 years is a damn long time to go without any type of sexual intimacy.
> 
> I couldn`t do it, I`d be at serious risk of infidelity if I tried.


My family is a mess of it's own. If I were in dire straights and needed a place to go, they would, of course, let me stay with them until I could get on my feet, but honestly, I would not want my son living in my parents' house. They smoke and swear and my dad is not the greatest male example in the world. We only go to visit them once or twice a year, and my mom and sisters come here to visit most of the time without my dad. I would only go down that road if my husband seriously lost his mind and I couldn't get him arrested or committed.

Two years IS a long time to go without sex, but I don't think it would be fair to my son to uproot his life so drastically because I made a series of really stupid decisions and now I'm in a position where I can't have sex. These are my mistakes, not his, and while I know eventually he will be effected by all of this, I am trying to give him as many turmoil free years as possible before this all goes down.

As it stands, staying is not hurting my son, it's only hurting me, and I am of the mind that I did this to myself and I need to work out the best way to get out without completely screwing my future and my child.

I often worry about the temptation of infidelity. It's part of the reason that I stopped making an effort to lose more weight. But the fact of the matter is, no matter what size you are, there is always going to be SOMEONE who wants to get in your pants, and if you don't play your cards right, you'll end up doing something incredibly stupid.

Besides, no matter how much I am suffering, or how much I may think my husband DESERVES to be cheated on for being such an idiot, I made a promise. I stood at that altar and gave my word to forsake all others, and while I may have little respect for my husband, I have to uphold my word... not for him, but for me. If I break this promise...if I go back on my word... how can I expect anyone from that moment forward to ever have faith in my promises? 

That is the only thing keeping my pants on at this point, because there are several people that would drop what they're doing and screw me silly if I gave them a call.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I respect your decision Kearson I only hope you have the strength to pull it off.

Keep your eyes and ears open during your 2 year plan though.
You might run across a compatible room mate situation or something of the sort to lesson your self imposed incarceration.

Also keep an eye on how you act towards your husband.
This is the type of thing that can cause deep resentment over time and that will come through to your boy.
He won`t know the reasons behind his moms resentment/treatment of his father and it could leave you standing in a bad light in his eyes.


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Also keep an eye on how you act towards your husband.
> This is the type of thing that can cause deep resentment over time and that will come through to your boy.
> He won`t know the reasons behind his moms resentment/treatment of his father and it could leave you standing in a bad light in his eyes.


I am acutely aware of this, believe me. My husband is a fairly decent father and as long as that continues, we won't have a problem. Again, my problems with my husband are not my son's problems and I make a conscious effort to monitor my interactions with, and comments regarding my feelings toward, my husband.

I would not want my husband bad-mouthing me to my son or treating me poorly in front of him, therefore I make sure not to do those things as well, no matter how angry I am with him (my husband).


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## Darkflower (Dec 2, 2011)

Could he be gay?

Maybe at this point it doesn't matter what the reason is for his inability to act as a romantic partner, but there are a lot of women who've spent a long time wondering what was wrong with them or feeling guilty for not sticking it out if they did leave, only to discover that it wasn't about them at all, and they'd been had.

Another question, out of curiosity--a couple of times you've mentioned losing weight in preparation for dating. Has your weight changed a great deal over the course of your relationship? If it has, maybe that bothers him and he can't figure out how to say so.


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## andeypandy (Jan 19, 2012)

Here is a tip.
You said divorce is not an option at this point. It may be in a year or two.

Take all the energy you are placing on your lack of sex and place it back on yourself. How are you dressing? What is your make up and hair like? Eye brows? Weight? How often do you exercise?

Over the next 12 months, regardless of age, aim for this:
1. A healthy body weight
2. Around the house wear flattering clothing, dont wear track pants or jeans.
3. Outside of the house, wear fitted dresses, skirts and sexy underwear, even if nobody sees. Your husband will notice.
4. Wear stockings and heels
5. Look up what type of make up and hair will flatter your face and age, aimf or that.

Remember, you dont have to be tiny or perfect, but a woman who takes care of herself is FAR sexier then one who doesnt.

Whats the point?
At best, your husband will notice you more. At worst, someone else might and you might meet someone who will make the divorce easier


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

Darkflower said:


> Could he be gay?
> 
> Maybe at this point it doesn't matter what the reason is for his inability to act as a romantic partner, but there are a lot of women who've spent a long time wondering what was wrong with them or feeling guilty for not sticking it out if they did leave, only to discover that it wasn't about them at all, and they'd been had.
> 
> Another question, out of curiosity--a couple of times you've mentioned losing weight in preparation for dating. Has your weight changed a great deal over the course of your relationship? If it has, maybe that bothers him and he can't figure out how to say so.


No, he is not gay 

Despite having a child, I am the same weight now as I was when we married, however, I am overweight. It has never previously been an issue for him, though. I have also asked him if my weight was an issue (in a matter-of-fact, non-confrontational way) and he says he likes me the way I am.


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

andeypandy said:


> Here is a tip.
> You said divorce is not an option at this point. It may be in a year or two.
> 
> Take all the energy you are placing on your lack of sex and place it back on yourself. How are you dressing? What is your make up and hair like? Eye brows? Weight? How often do you exercise?
> ...


I have tried dressing nice and all of that and all it does is make him suspicious. Even when I tell him I've done it for him, he acts sullen and suspicious. He also makes fun of me when I dress up, like "Why did you bother with all that, you have nowhere to go." After years of rejection, taunting, or just plain being ignored, I no longer dress up for him or try to be playful.

I make sure my hair is done everyday, and I take care of my skin and wear mascara. That's the extent of my makeup because he doesn't notice it, and therefore doesn't make comments.

I plan on looking better for me, and if he likes it, great. If he doesn't, oh well, his loss.


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## derMann (Jan 18, 2012)

andeypandy said:


> 2. Around the house wear flattering clothing, dont wear track pants or jeans.


I have to disagree a little here. Nothing sexier than a women in jeans! (You're right on with the track pants (my wife calls them "Fat pants!"))


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## derMann (Jan 18, 2012)

BTW,

If I were you, and you think this thing is headed for divorce, I would be sure to document some of this stuff. You may think he'll be reasonable, but once proceedings start and lawyers are involved....well, let's just say it will be in your best interest to have dates times, etc., showing the depth of the problem, your attempts to address them, and his unwillingness to. Don't give in to the temptation to be unfaithful. That will come back to bite you. (Could it be this is just what he's trying to make happen?)

2 years without sex might seem like a long time. Be unfaithful, and 20 years from now, (after the court deems the reason for the divorce was *your* infidelity, and grants custody to your husband, and you get no alimony..) you'll still be kicking yourself!


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

derMann said:


> BTW,
> 
> If I were you, and you think this thing is headed for divorce, I would be sure to document some of this stuff. You may think he'll be reasonable, but once proceedings start and lawyers are involved....well, let's just say it will be in your best interest to have dates times, etc., showing the depth of the problem, your attempts to address them, and his unwillingness to. Don't give in to the temptation to be unfaithful. That will come back to bite you. (Could it be this is just what he's trying to make happen?)
> 
> 2 years without sex might seem like a long time. Be unfaithful, and 20 years from now, (after the court deems the reason for the divorce was *your* infidelity, and grants custody to your husband, and you get no alimony..) you'll still be kicking yourself!


I have extensive notes on his behavior as well as my attempts to address issues in our marriage. I have been doing this for years because before my husband quit drinking, he would claim that I never told him things, and it got pretty annoying. I always write things down now and I keep duplicate copies of the notes online in accounts that he doesn't have passwords to (in case he goes nutty and trashes my computer).

I have often wondered if he is trying to push me to be unfaithful. He has a 'victim' complex and it wouldn't surprise me if he pushed until I cheated and then blamed me for ruining our marriage. I won't give him the satisfaction.

I have thought long and hard about how things could go down, and while he seems reasonable now, I know that he likes to play the victim and he can be vindictive, so I won't be doing anything to purposely give him ammunition.

I will be going to counseling soon (I am on a waiting list for low cost care), and I am hoping that this will show my attempt to 'fix' things. My husband has already stated that he will not go to counseling, and to me, that in itself speaks volumes as to his commitment to this marriage. Hopefully the court will see it that way too.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Kearson said:


> My husband won't have sex with me and it's driving me nuts!
> 
> We have been 'together' over 5 years and married for 3.5 years.
> 
> ...


I am not a male, but I went through this for the last 3 or so years with my husband..

I haven't found a solution.. Talking has gotten me no where... So i just shut down and try not to let it bother me... I resent my husband big time.. I don't even really talk to him much anymore... We are more like roommates then anything else.. It used to drive me absolutely crazy. Nothing like walking around like a time bomb... I almost had 2 affairs. but didn't sleep with them..

As of now I have absolutely no drive... been that way for the last 2-3 months. I don't think about sex. i don't want sex anymore (and this is coming from someone who was going insane with the lack of it.)However, i can't see myself here for another year... because there are other things majorly lacking in my marriage not just sex that my H just does not want to work on.

Why beat a dead horse... Your husband doesn't see there is a problem, so he will do nothing to fix it... Marriage is about team work when that steps out the door then what is the point.


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## nicky1 (Jan 20, 2012)

tacoma sumed this up in another similar thread, He doesnt desire you, He has forgotten what the part to have and to hold, means in your vows, bascially hold means to fulfill the sexual desires of the spouse, if this is not being met then He is in breach of your covernant, if this is true then you are free to go and find one who will hold you


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## duchesspink (Jan 28, 2012)

how would your husband react if you told him you would seek sex elsewhere if he wasn't prepared to give it to you?

after all, he's putting you in an impossible position and if he's not willing to make love to his wife but wants to stay married, then its only fair that he allows you to seek sex elsewhere.


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

duchesspink said:


> how would your husband react if you told him you would seek sex elsewhere if he wasn't prepared to give it to you?
> 
> after all, he's putting you in an impossible position and if he's not willing to make love to his wife but wants to stay married, then its only fair that he allows you to seek sex elsewhere.


I have actually said this to him. I've told him that I have needs. If he is going to purposely ignore those needs, or act like they don't matter, then SOMEONE is going to have to take care of it.

He basically told me to go screw someone else if I wanted but that he'd divorce me, kick me out of the house, and that he would never let me leave with our son 

He knows I'd never do it. I'd divorce him before I'd cheat on him.


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

We actually had sex last night out of the blue, initiated by him. It wasn't the stuff that movies are made of, but it was nice.

I cried afterwards... like full out balling. I couldn't stop. He asked me if I was okay, and I told him it was just hormones. He held me until I got a hold of myself and then he gave me a tissue.

I woke up this morning, and for the first time in a long time, I WANTED to get out of bed. I hadn't realized how much I had started dreading every day. I've gotten 6 loads of laundry done, cleaned the kitchen, planned dinners for the rest of the week, played with my son, made my shopping list for this afternoon, and put away the groceries that have piled up over the last two weeks all over the house.

I feel unstoppable... I feel on the ball... I feel REAL again.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Kearson,
So glad to hear that!


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## countrylvr (Feb 1, 2012)

I have heard about this type of situation many times....maybe he needs his testosterone checked. It has made a huge difference in many couples' lives that I know. It should be in the 500-600 range, I believe. This is also very important for men's health in general, not just sexual interest. I suggest it because you said that he did at one time have a more active sex life with you.

Hope you find a solution....


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

I have been married for more than 25 years and for most of that time I have had 10X's the drive that my wife has. That has resulted in thousands of rejections (except once a month when the moon must be full) and somehow I decided that was OK and I would have to live with it. Something has changed in me now and I am less willing to accept this. I am a successful professional and take very good care of myself and have provided well for my family. I stopped the advances and 6 months passed in the blink of an eye with no intimacy. My wife feels like she is what she has always been and ever will be and its not fair to change the rules of the game. I feel now like it is not reasonable to leave a marriage because of a missed intimacy connection and I am some kind of freak. You are not the only one with this problem...yours is a new problem, some of us have old ones. If I had left after 5 years we would not have had our beautiful, successful daughters. But what else might have been?


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> woke up this morning, and for the first time in a long time, I WANTED to get out of bed. I hadn't realized how much I had started dreading every day. I've gotten 6 loads of laundry done, cleaned the kitchen, planned dinners for the rest of the week, played with my son, made my shopping list for this afternoon, and put away the groceries that have piled up over the last two weeks all over the house.


Amazing what sex can do and the chicken and egg argument, huh?

He won't have sex with you perhaps because the laundry isn't done, the kitchen cleaned and the son isn't taken care of/played with. . .yet, you have sex and these things get magically done.

So much of this chicken and egg stuff happens with men. . .it becomes a stalemate:

Woman won't have sex with man because house is dirty, the toddler was screaming today, and food shopping needs to be done.

Perhaps if she had sex, she'd find a partner ready to do these things. . .yes, pundits, poets, and psychologists always say sex is only a symptom.

Yet, there is something to be said for taking a symptomatic approach with healing. . .


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Yes, I can see my practice now helping copules with marital problems:

"Joe (Jane). . .after much deliberation and examining your heads, I am going to prescribe sex 3-5x/week for you." (writing on a Rx pad)

Now, I want you to return in 3 months and we'll evaluate what this Rx is doing.

JOE: But didn't you prescribe that for hte last 23 patietns?"

SCANNERGUARD: You just never mind that. . .


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

countrylvr said:


> I have heard about this type of situation many times....maybe he needs his testosterone checked. It has made a huge difference in many couples' lives that I know. It should be in the 500-600 range, I believe. This is also very important for men's health in general, not just sexual interest. I suggest it because you said that he did at one time have a more active sex life with you.
> 
> Hope you find a solution....


Oddly enough, just days before we had sex, he had come to me and asked if he should bother going to therapy...he wanted to know if I was 100% done. I told him I want things to get better. Divorce is annoying and inconvenient and I'd rather he just be a good husband. I also told him he needed to see a doctor about his testosterone because he has many of the symptoms of low T. He said he'd look into therapy and seeing a doctor (I gave him all the info: doctor and counselor phone numbers and addresses as well as costs). He has yet to arrange anything as far as I know.

Frankly I think he just had sex with me to buy himself more time before having to go to therapy or see a doctor.

If he wants to play it that way, that's his choice. He's got approximately 2 years to pull his head out of his butt before I am out of here, so we'll see how it goes.


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

Scannerguard said:


> Yes, I can see my practice now helping copules with marital problems:
> 
> "Joe (Jane). . .after much deliberation and examining your heads, I am going to prescribe sex 3-5x/week for you." (writing on a Rx pad)
> 
> ...


If I could get sex 3-5x a week, I could take over the world! 

I'd settle for once a week right about now 

I NEED it to function properly, and no matter how many times I try to explain that to him, he just doesn't get it.

Even when we met, he couldn't really keep up with me after about 2 months, but it was good enough for me to be content.

If I had it my way, I'd be having sex 2-3 times a day


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## TheDuude (Feb 2, 2012)

I have a hard time, as a guy, following your motives here. Out of one side, you say you have already completely planned the financial and physical end of your marriage, washed your hands of him, and are ready for your Two Year Plan. Yet, you also keep working him to change and get help for his low libido. You do realize, don't you, that you cannot be doing both at once, right? I am forever amazed how women (the far smarter of the sexes in marriage) have totally worked out the exit strategy while the H is just clueless as to what is going on. You can't be both trying in any concerted fashion to repair the marriage as you plot your financial exit strategy and work out how you will hang on for 2 years. I believe there's a term for that. For your sons' sake, you are willing to use him for the next two years. I doubt he misses the insincerity of your efforts at fixing anything. This is passive-aggressive behavior with a added touch of sabotage.
Why not try to actually help repair the marriage? Have you ever asked him what is wrong? You are spending so much effort hating him (documenting all his faults, hiding passwords, etc.), that there is really no chance this marriage could be saved in your present MO. If he's in recovery (AA), he will appreciate honesty and understand about futility. The honest thing is to let him know that. It is obvious you have moved on, and it is best for all not use him for another two years, if you cannot honestly take many giant-steps backwards. 
There is no court in the US that still ;blames' a woman for infidelity. It is not admissible, nor is it a reason to deny custody. Those days are long gone. You will always get custody unless you have obvious mental problems or illegal activities (drugs). It's the man who always loses on that account.

I have a good premonition of what is going to happen: since this exactly happened to me. You will go to counseling with him, state your marriage is over and why, the counselor will see that it is over and agree, you will divorce and get a hefty alimony for two years and child-support, then you will start over. And he will be sitting theie going, "huh? what the heck just happened"? Yeah, us guys are just stupid that way.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Kearson I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I have also talked to my wife until I was black and blue in the face trying to explain to her how I need her love, affection, and body. 

It's like it just shot over her head and went to the moon. She just says well..."I don't know" and "I don't know what to say". 

I'll have to pull her arm to get her to seek some kind of professional help. She waits on me to hold her hand when it comes to taking action to fix things in our marriage.

I have been in this terrible situation for 8 years. Absolutely no progress at all.

I am an extremely romantic and sexual person - yet I cannot even express to her who I am..really. I have taking who I am and put it in a rocket and shot it off into outer space. 

Forgive me if I missed it - but have you guys tried marriage counseling or seen some kind of sex therapist? MC is absolutely the best thing you guys should take up. But you gotta stick to it if you guys go.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

What you are doing is extering your boundaries. No different than a man. You have a two year plan, which I believe is healthy.

It's one long 180. There is a point though to the emotional disconnect. Things can't be truly fixed unless you both put 100% into it. And you might have to make the first move. 

It does sound like he is hedging because he is afraid you are going to leave. 

I'ts okay to have a financial exit. Just as a woman, to give you some independence. Like the saying that a woman should never be completely financially depdendent upon her husband. 

That is different from being emotionally independent.
What do you have to lose by giving love? There is a good chance there would be many more gains. And he might just be waiting for that.

I do hope things work out for you.


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

TheDuude said:


> I have a hard time, as a guy, following your motives here. Out of one side, you say you have already completely planned the financial and physical end of your marriage, washed your hands of him, and are ready for your Two Year Plan. Yet, you also keep working him to change and get help for his low libido. You do realize, don't you, that you cannot be doing both at once, right? I am forever amazed how women (the far smarter of the sexes in marriage) have totally worked out the exit strategy while the H is just clueless as to what is going on.


He's not clueless. I've told him my plan. He knows that if he doesn't make an effort, I will leave. Again, I'm not moping around wishing he would psychically figure this out. I have told him in great detail that I am not happy, what I would like him to do, and what I will do if he makes no effort. 



TheDuude said:


> You can't be both trying in any concerted fashion to repair the marriage as you plot your financial exit strategy and work out how you will hang on for 2 years. I believe there's a term for that. For your sons' sake, you are willing to use him for the next two years.


This, in a way, is true. I have been the one making ALL of the effort for years and I'm tired of being the only one. If he's not going to try, then neither am I because I'm tired of feeling like a rejected idiot. If he wants to put himself out there and make a change, great. If not, then I'll be prepared.



TheDuude said:


> I doubt he misses the insincerity of your efforts at fixing anything. This is passive-aggressive behavior with a added touch of sabotage.
> Why not try to actually help repair the marriage? Have you ever asked him what is wrong? You are spending so much effort hating him (documenting all his faults, hiding passwords, etc.), that there is really no chance this marriage could be saved in your present MO.


I am not insincere about fixing our marriage, I'm just tired of being the only one working at it. I have asked him what's wrong and he either says he doesn't know or that he's fine. He won't talk to me (if he evens realizes there is something wrong) and even though he's said he will, he will not be going to counseling. He's happy with the way life is and he's annoyed that I am not. In his mind, I am the problem. (Because, you know, a wife should be happy with no affection or sex AT ALL)



TheDuude said:


> If he's in recovery (AA), he will appreciate honesty and understand about futility. The honest thing is to let him know that. It is obvious you have moved on, and it is best for all not use him for another two years, if you cannot honestly take many giant-steps backwards.


He stopped going to AA because it was too much like a group therapy session.

I haven't 'moved on'. I'm waiting for him to 'catch-up'. I will not take 'giant-steps backwards'. The point of life is to move forward, and I cannot go back to a time when I was madly in love with him and overlooked his (many) faults. But what I can do is work with him to move forward and build a new foundation for our marriage. It will involve work on both of our parts, which I am willing to do, however, I am preparing for him to, as usual, leave me out in the cold. I have to prepare for this because if I don't, I will be totally screwed if he decides to stay his current course and be a crappy husband.



TheDuude said:


> I have a good premonition of what is going to happen: since this exactly happened to me. You will go to counseling with him, state your marriage is over and why, the counselor will see that it is over and agree, you will divorce and get a hefty alimony for two years and child-support, then you will start over. And he will be sitting there going, "huh? what the heck just happened"? Yeah, us guys are just stupid that way.


Wow. Thanks for the vote of confidence.

First of all, if my husband ever grows a set and actually goes to counseling, I won't be going there with the intention of saying that it's over and blah blah blah. I WANT our marriage to work. I WANT him to pull his head out of his butt and be a good husband. But most of all, if I end up having to leave, I want to make sure I have given him every possible chance within my heart to make a change. I will keep trying until it's time to leave, because I'm stubborn like that. Unfortunately, he is stubborn too and he's convinced there is nothing wrong 

Secondly, I won't be needing alimony because I'll be making more money than he does. Hell, I may end up paying HIM! And as for child support, a) he should support his child, and b) it's not like it's going to kill him because he'll still be living with his dad with no real bills to speak of. Unless we manage a 50/50 agreement, then nobody pays child support and we just work out whatever our son needs (which I would prefer).

I find it funny how my preparing for the worst seems to lead some people to believe that I no longer care. I care very much, but I'm not stupid. I'm not going to sit here and just pray that he becomes a better person and then 3 years down the road be wanting to leave and I can't because I wasn't prepared.

If he doesn't wise up, I'll be prepared to move on, and if he does wise up, then we will be debt free, we will both have jobs, and we can work towards building the rest of our lives together. Seems pretty sensible to me.


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## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

So we had sex again last night. Totally out of the blue. We have been spending time together at night watching episodes of Dexter. We are almost caught up with all of the seasons. Anyway, last night we got done watching episodes around 11pm and I went down stairs to get some water. I came back upstairs and he seemed to be asleep.

Our dog was licking herself, making that awful noise that I can't stand and I tried to whisper to her to get her to stop and she wouldn't and it totally irked me, so I told her to knock it off a little louder than I had intended and woke up my husband.

He put his hand on my back, and I instantly felt better. Then one thing kind of led to another and afterwards I was just laying there thinking "That was random". 

Hey, I'm not complaining. I've gotten 4 loads of laundry done, prepped 25lbs of potatoes, 10lbs of asparagus, made 8 cups of breadcrumbs, 4 loaves of banana bread, scheduled 4 appointments, cleaned out the freezer, cleaned the living room, kitchen, family room, and the down stairs bathroom, and it's not even noon.

I just have so much more drive after we have sex.

The only problem is that I'm having a hard time adjusting. After not getting much for almost a year, getting it twice in 10 days has made me want it SO much more. I had finally gotten to the point where I was no longer ravenous...just sad. Now I'm not sad, but I want it like every minute of the day! As soon as he gets home from work it takes all of my strength not to throw him on the ground and rip his pants off.


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