# lonely



## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

i hate being by myself i sit here at the computer play all these sad love songs feeling even worse then i already did.i keep wandering if i should just let my kids stay with their dad for ahwhile me just go away and get my head straight.he tells me to just get over him like he did me i told him its not that easy he has been apart of my life for 19yrs hell even when i go to work i have to drive by his house everywhere i go there is some kind of memory there there is no excaping it.how do i start a new life without him not being near him or talking to him.on the weekends i lay in bed late at night knowing he is in bed with her having sex with her and saying i love you to her everything he should be saying to me,i cant eat sleep nothing all i do is sit and think about him he consumes my whole day and night.how does a person really move past this?


----------



## misis (Jun 3, 2010)

moving on is really difficult especially when he has been a part of your life for many years. cry to a friend who can just listen as you rant. this will make you feel better at least for awhile. also, try to be more busy. get more involved in your career or with your kids. get into a new hobby, learn new things. you can a do a lot more to distract yourself from negative thoughts. your life doesn't end with a broken marriage. you didn't receive the love you expected, but it doesn't mean you should stop loving yourself.


----------



## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

well while i was with my husband i pretty much pushed everybody away so now im left with nobody to talk to i have one friend but she s not the kind of person you could talk or cry or rant to if the conversation is not about her she changes the conversation.i would love to cry on somebodies shoulder just to let it all out but thats not going to happen.i told my husband last night on the phone that im not only losing my husband but my best friend too even though our marriage was very bad and toxic i could always go to him with my problems and he would listen nevery rarely gave advice but would listen to me talk and cry i think thats what i liss most is just not being able to talk to him bout my problems anymore i miss my friend


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

luv2ivy,

I think what you are doing is actually very healthy. . .questioning the fact that perhaps your life, now that it's in turmoil, should be more than just raising the kids.

To answer your immediate question (and I will help you on the other thread too). . .yes, perhaps you should seek some "balance" in your divorced life where you dont have the kids and explore other aspects of life vs. raising kids, whether that's dating, a new career, hobbies, etc.

Start with something easy. . .a new hobby. . .and then maybe go from there.


----------



## lg001 (Jun 6, 2010)

Dear Lonely

Guys can go through this as well. I am currently the male version of your story. I know there is light at teh end of the tunnel, but that tunnel seems so, so long right now.

God bless

lg001


----------



## caliguy (Jun 8, 2010)

I just wanted to chime in and say I hear you and you aren't alone. I am recently separated and every day feels like a nightmare. I go back and forth between unbelievable pain where literally every muscle in my body hurts, and flat numbness. It's very very hard. But we aren't alone. I'll be thinking about you and wishing the best for all of us while we go through this.


----------



## landonsmommy (Jun 10, 2010)

luv2ivy said:


> well while i was with my husband i pretty much pushed everybody away so now im left with nobody to talk to i have one friend but she s not the kind of person you could talk or cry or rant to if the conversation is not about her she changes the conversation.i would love to cry on somebodies shoulder just to let it all out but thats not going to happen.i told my husband last night on the phone that im not only losing my husband but my best friend too even though our marriage was very bad and toxic i could always go to him with my problems and he would listen nevery rarely gave advice but would listen to me talk and cry i think thats what i liss most is just not being able to talk to him bout my problems anymore i miss my friend


me and you are in the same boat hunny. i lost alot of my friends while i was married, and now i dont have anyone to talk to, and i have been dealing with my separation alone for almost a yr. if you ever need to talk you can always send me a message, ill be glad to listen hun. i kow its hard. me and my hubby were best friends before we dated, and i certainly never saw us being where we are now.


----------



## InAPickle (Jun 4, 2010)

I just started a thread about this same issue in the private section. Loneliness can sure be excruciating. I was asking if anyone had any advice or would share what kind of things they do to fight it.

I know that many people reach out and attempt to reconnect with friends from the past with whom they've lost touch. If that's not an option, there are many support groups and activity related groups in most towns where you may be able to strike up some new ones. Often the people attending such groups will have least have something in common that took them there in the first place. Local mommy and me groups, exercise related groups, hobby-related groups, etc. - all offer a chance to bond with others while doing something that keeps you busy for a bit. It may be outside of the comfort zone of many people, but is also a chance for growth in that regard. May as well grow as a result of this experience and use it for the positive, right? 

One thing I've repeatedly found myself doing is purposely setting out to do something I would NOT have done while living with my husband. I wouldn't have gone out of town by myself, so I did just that - just for a quick little adventure. It was hard at times, but I loved it because something about it made me feel very free. You can do the same kind of thing but on an even smaller scale - it doesn't have to involve travel or cost anything. 

There is always volunteering, too. Hospitals, churches, rec centers, schools - all utilize volunteers for one thing or another. Feeling productive is important, but helping other people can be very rewarding. 

I think that anything fitness related is ideal, but that's just my opinion. Not only are there social opportunities, but exercise can be a lifesaver (literally) when it comes to dealing with both physical and mental stress, not to mention improving our overall health. We owe it to our kids and ourselves to make that a priority and feeling better as a result of doing so is a great perk! 

One thing that I believe is highly underrated is LAUGHTER! The physical and mental benefits of laughing are more than most people realize! Rent some funny movies or just catch a comedy or two on TV. Keeping a sense of humor is so healthy, even about crappy situations such as the ones that have brought many of us here. It's much easier to have a positive frame of mind when we are able to laugh at ourselves now and then and not take ourselves (or our problems) too seriously. A good laugh about the tough stuff can be somewhat of a reality check and keep things in perspective.

Life is not over and you are not alone. We are all here feeling alone together - what an oxymoron! Hang in there and feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always up for a chat. 

(whoa, I just REALLY babbled there......)


----------



## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Just to chime in on the lonliness angle..while it is hard you should listen to advice on how to try and overcome it..since you have a computer you can search for various funny things to make you laugh..and at least in my case I would have swore on my life that 3 months ago I would not be feeling the way I do now..it does get easier if you think positive and worry about loving yourself through personal improvements and self-reflection..but don't get that confused with self pity..you can't control how one person feels but you can control how to overcome it...my wife said we can still be friends..I really resented her leaving but today while I still can't be friends I can at least not resent her anymore..and in 3 more months who knows?


----------

