# Update on divorcing after 23 years of marriage



## 4mywife (May 9, 2017)

Just thought I would give an update on what has been happening since I found out my husband of 23 years was having an online emotional affair with a woman 20 years younger than him who lives in California. We are getting a divorce. We each have retained legal counsel although he was extremely slow to retain his. Hr thought that the initial consultation meant that she was retained as his lawyer. I had to explain to him how the process works here in Canada.

Since his mistress dumped him things have gotten worse for me. He has become much more abusive verbally, emotionally, financially and physically. We have now both been charged with assault for a fight we had a couple of weeks back. Where we live the province charges you when it is a domestic dispute not the police. It is meant to stop abused women from changing their minds about bringing charges or not charging at all. But as I threw the first punch I got charged too. Even though I sustained all the injuries and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance.

So next month I will be in court to face charges of assault as will he. The police told me I won't face any jail time as I have a spotless record, not even a speeding ticket. 

Our real estate agent was hear today to discuss putting the house up for sale. The only thing that scares me is that I do not have an income. I am disabled and up until now have not had to apply for disability benefits. So I have done that but it takes time for the various levels of government to process the requests. 

Sub-sidized housing or even just a regular apartment requires you to have an income before they will rent to you. I have a great support system through victims services and the police and some government services but they can't put a roof over mine and my son's head. 

Right now I just want the cheating bastard out of my life and that of our children. I am so tired of him saying he is no longer going to pay the mortgage. That he is going to let the house go into foreclosure so that neither one of us gets any money from it. 

Our children hate him. My oldest tells people his father is dead and that he was very little when he passed away and he has no memories of him. How sad is that? My youngest just wants out of this house with me and to start college in January and forget he has a father. 

I am going to take him for everything. When I am through with him that cheating abusive bastard won't even be able to buy a cup of coffee. He is going to be sorry he ever laid his hands on me. The damage he has done to this family is going to take a long time to heal. But I am going to make sure that my youngest son and I have a decent roof over our heads. My oldest son and his fiancé live in their place. They have been the best support system a mother could ask for.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I'm sorry for everything you are going through right now. It's good that you will be getting him out of your life; it sounds like a very unhealthy situation.

Regarding employment, not sure about Canadian laws but in the U.S. it can be VERY difficult to find a good job with an assault charge on your record. Especially if it is a felony instead of a misdemeanor. Do you have a lawyer representing you so you can try to get the charges reduced or dismissed? Is it still considered a "crime" since police were not involved?

Wishing you and your sons a bright new beginning...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

4mywife said:


> Just thought I would give an update on what has been happening since I found out my husband of 23 years was having an online emotional affair with a woman 20 years younger than him who lives in California. We are getting a divorce. We each have retained legal counsel although he was extremely slow to retain his. Hr thought that the initial consultation meant that she was retained as his lawyer. I had to explain to him how the process works here in Canada.
> 
> Since his mistress dumped him things have gotten worse for me. He has become much more abusive verbally, emotionally, financially and physically. We have now both been charged with assault for a fight we had a couple of weeks back. Where we live the province charges you when it is a domestic dispute not the police. It is meant to stop abused women from changing their minds about bringing charges or not charging at all. But as I threw the first punch I got charged too. Even though I sustained all the injuries and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance.
> 
> ...


Sorry for what you are going through, but you will get through this and a much better future to look forward to.
Wont he have to pay you alimony?


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## 4mywife (May 9, 2017)

aine said:


> Sorry for what you are going through, but you will get through this and a much better future to look forward to.
> 
> Wont he have to pay you alimony?




I am going after alimony. I am also going after his half of the house. He may have made the mortgage payments but I did all the work on the house inside and out.


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## 4mywife (May 9, 2017)

happy as a clam said:


> I'm sorry for everything you are going through right now. It's good that you will be getting him out of your life; it sounds like a very unhealthy situation.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I am hoping that I will not have a criminal record because of the assault. I do have legal representation. The police were involved but it was the ministry of Justice that laid the charges. They took the discretion out of the hands of the police and they have to lay charges. This is so women can not change their minds and not press charges. Alberta has a high rate of domestic violence murders.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Just awful. I'm sorry.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. But, I am very glad to read you are in anger mode and getting rid of him. Onward to a better life for you and your son.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

A little bit of unsolicited advice for you... Don't go after too much. Instead ask your lawyer how assets are usually equitably split and try to work with that. Otherwise he'll fight and you'll have a long and expensive court battle that will leave you both broke and the lawyers taking all of your money in legal fees. It's time to stop thinking emotionally and start thinking about your financial future, so you need to make decisions that support the goal of helping you rather than the goal of hurting him.


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