# What do you make of this chat between my close guy friend and I?



## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

Am I missing something here, why would the stranger tell us to get a room? Does my guy friend see me as more than a friend and I just can't see it 🤷‍♀️

(me) I haven't dated anyone since
October 2018

(him) It'll probably stay that way too

(me) Jason why do you say that?

(him) 😂😂😂 don't ask me silly
questions

(me) Jason C'mon speak up

(him) Rack off (he always says this in
a humerous way to me)

(me) Jason f--k u poo (I say that to him
in a humerous way often, he
actually laughed at my comment)

(the observing male stranger) get a room you two ..


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You're reading too much into this. Who cares what a stranger thinks from seven messages exchanged... The real question is, do you want this friend to like you as more than a friend?


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

Jason and I are really good friends. He calls me about twice a week and we chat for an hour and he texts me a few times a week. I'm neither here nor there about having anything more than that with him, we get along well mostly and have a great sense of humour. He isn't as far as I know interested in having a relationship or dating anyone full stop. I don't care if I date anyone either, not really looking but if he were to ask me on a date I would probably try it out.

He wants to teach me how to ride a dirt bike so we can ride together. His suggestion not mine. Not sure of his intentions. He has said he believes friendship is the best way to a successful relationship and that his past 2 relationships have been a slow burn so hard to read what he wants with me.

The above dialogue between us is how we always talk to each other. I wasn't in my opinion showing a more than friends interest in him but was a little taken aback with his comment "it will probably stay that way too", why would he say that? I actually thought it was a little rude as my response was to a general post question in the social group we are both in.


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

I have known Jason for 2 yrs. He wanted to date me 2 yrs ago and I missed his signs and definitely didn't see him in that light back then so he has had interest in me in the past. I lost contact with him for about a year and he messaged me and we reconnected about 2 months ago and we have grown quite close. Thats the back story with knowing each other.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

How old are you guys?


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

Old enough not to beat around the bush lol. In our mid 40's


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

The stranger was joking. It's a usual thing to say when a couple starts acting too intimate in public.

If you're getting weird vibes from this guy, my guess is that he realizes he misses opportunities with other women by having a female friend.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

It sounds like he likes you and it’s mutual. Go for it.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I completely agree with Jason. 
(unsolicited male opinion only)
as far as the get a room comment from the stranger, it seems off. Perhaps he was a bit touchy that day.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

As for the stranger, who cares what he thought?

As for "it'll prob. stay that way", that sounds a little rude. Friends often pick on each other good-naturedly, but if it stings it is ok to say "That sounded a little mean.." and hopefully get some clarification.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Lou Lou said:


> He has said he believes friendship is the best way to a successful relationship


So, I agree with him on this one! If you are great friends, that will help you in your future relationship if it turns intimate. 

About him saying "It'll probably stay that way too " - MAY be a way of him saying that you are missing all of his signs that he wants to date you and since you can't pick up vibes like that, you are unlikely to with anyone else either (I COULD just be reading into this).

BUT you did say he wanted to date you a while ago. I am guessing he'd still be interested in doing so. Go dirt-biking with him and other friendly non-date dates, and see where it goes? Just try to be more observant of signs of interest from him.


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

Well i have mentioned to him that I would date him and hinted that all he has to do is ask but he doesn't so thats why I assume he just only sees me as a good friend now. Strange when he has made remarks in the last few weeks in conversation such as "I'm going to buy you a bike so we can ride together" and "If anyone calls you a name or is nasty to you I will be dealing with them" . Do friends feel this way about their friends?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Lou Lou said:


> Well i have mentioned to him that I would date him and hinted that all he has to do is ask but he doesn't so thats why I assume he just only sees me as a good friend now. Strange when he has made remarks in the last few weeks in conversation such as "I'm going to buy you a bike so we can ride together" and "If anyone calls you a name or is nasty to you I will be dealing with them" . Do friends feel this way about their friends?


So, if you WANT to date him, don't hint. Bring up why he says you won't be dating. That would be a great time to say straight out "Why do you think that. I would date YOU if you asked me, but you don't".


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Your friend said that because he likes you. He is playing with you. If he didn’t like you that way, he would say something like, “ You will find someone and blablah” You said to him the “f” and you said is normal between you too. If that word is normal to you,(I never use it myself with friends. If I use it I am done forever with you) maybe what he said to you is normal to him too. Maybe he uses it with others too as a joke. The stranger probably doesn’t know you. He thinks you are flirting with each other. I have seen it used a lot in online conversations. People use it a lot. So don’t think much about it.


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

Lou Lou said:


> Well i have mentioned to him that I would date him and hinted that all he has to do is ask but he doesn't so thats why I assume he just only sees me as a good friend


I get a feeling from your initial post that you want it to be more than friends. 

Why 'hint' and wait for him to ask? You're fully capable of asking him aren't you?


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

Yes he said i had my chance 2 yrs ago and changes the subject


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Lou Lou said:


> Yes he said i had my chance 2 yrs ago and changes the subject


Well, if you are really interested, ask him flat out. If he says NO, then you know that he has no romantic interest, and then YOU can decide on what you want to do about the friendship.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

Seeing that I can more than relate to your story, I'll simply say to go for it. You'll never know unless you try.


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

I don't think he is really into me anymore..... He isn't really giving off the vibe that he sees me as anymore than a friend.


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

I told him a month ago that I was sorry I missed the signs from 2 yrs ago and I told him that I liked him liked him, it hasn't seemed to make a difference to be honest. If he wanted to take me on a date he would have asked me by now.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Well then, no loss if you ask him directly about what he meant with the:


Lou Lou said:


> (him) It'll probably stay that way too
> 
> (me) Jason why do you say that?
> 
> ...


His answer may just help YOU in your life to see things from a different perspective.


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

Lou Lou said:


> Old enough not to beat around the bush lol. In our mid 40's


Oh lord....I would have said 15.

Good grief, just ask him if he's interested.

This is sad.


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

Lou Lou said:


> I told him a month ago that I was sorry I missed the signs from 2 yrs ago and I told him that I liked him liked him, it hasn't seemed to make a difference to be honest. If he wanted to take me on a date he would have asked me by now.


Then you have your answer. Move on.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Lou Lou said:


> Am I missing something here, why would the stranger tell us to get a room? Does my guy friend see me as more than a friend and I just can't see it 🤷‍♀️
> 
> (me) I haven't dated anyone since
> October 2018


I would think you were flirting with me if you said that.



> (him) It'll probably stay that way too


He's teasing you.



> (me) Jason why do you say that?
> 
> (him) 😂😂😂 don't ask me silly
> questions


He's hinting that he likes you.



> (me) Jason C'mon speak up


More flirting.



> (him) Rack off (he always says this in
> a humerous way to me)


He got scared and didn't fess up, so he's misdirecting.



> (me) Jason f--k u poo (I say that to him
> in a humerous way often, he
> actually laughed at my comment)


And you did the same.



> (the observing male stranger) get a room you two ..


He sensed the sexual tension between you two. I don't think he's wrong.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Lou Lou said:


> I told him a month ago that I was sorry I missed the signs from 2 yrs ago and I told him that I liked him liked him, it hasn't seemed to make a difference to be honest. If he wanted to take me on a date he would have asked me by now.


My read is that he's shy/scared. Shy about asking out someone he might already be invested in, and scared of getting shot down or making the friendship wierd.

If you want to go out with him, ask him out.


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

I have asked him out. He isn't the type to make plans. It's like pulling teeth getting him to lock in a date, its not his nature apparently. 

I told him last week I had a child free tonight for last night, here is that convo:

Me: Right we have to go for beer and food somewhere Friday night..... I'm 
f--kin child free, yee ha😁

Him: Bahahaha child free, you don't drink anyhow! Wherever they have kilkenny on tap, F--k I think that's surfers only. 

Me: Hey I love beer lol. Well lets go..... Do you want to? 

Him: Oh dear your asking me 5 days out from the event day in question, I don't think I've ever answered A question like this so far away 😂😂

Me: Haha 😂. I usually wouldn't care but you realize you have to book places at the moment because of the 10 people at a time rule. You snooze you lose lol. And who else could you possibly want to hang out with right, it's a no brainer😂😂

Him: 
😂😂 your funny I have the kids from Thursday for 5 days Tayla was upset that I only had her for a day this week, she hates going back to her mums, I promised her 5 days from Thursday.

Book schmook I'm shocking with planning and booking. I've been like that since I was 20, for some reason every time I pre plan or say yes to a dinner party, wedding, get together, something always always always happens that I can't go always, so over the last 8-10 years I've just said no to everything, or if I'm there I'm there 😂😂 terrible. But I'm not a bad bloke 😂

Me: 😂 All good

Him: Thanks for the invite though, I don't like devastating Tayla ATM because she's been so good for a long period of time now.

In my opinion a guy that is interested in a wonan would definitely step outside of his comfort zone and lock in another time with her back even if he doesn't believe in making plans and its not his usual style. He doesn't seem keen enough to step out with me when push comes to shove. Not going to keep chasing this guy abd not going to ask again, how much clearer can I be that I'm interested. I'm not that bloody desperate!


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

It looks like he is finding excuses not going out with you, because if he really wanted he would say something like, “ Oh sorry I can’t this week, but I will txt you myself so we can go out together another time, probably next week.”

Once I invited a friend(female) twice to have a coffee together since we hadn’t seen each other in awhile. Her answers both times were short and just thank you but I am busy. No suggestions when we can meet. While during that time she posted on fb pictures from restaurants, pretty much every day. Like she was busy going out with her family every day. I had a family and othet friends too, and still was trying to make some time for an old friend. She is not my friend anymore. I deleted her from fb. She added me first. She founded me and I thought she really missed me but she just wanted only to have me on FB, and we lived only 10 mins away from each other.


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

Lou Lou said:


> I have asked him out. He isn't the type to make plans. It's like pulling teeth getting him to lock in a date, its not his nature apparently.
> 
> I told him last week I had a child free tonight for last night, here is that convo:
> 
> ...


 I am going to give you some advice that I wish someone had given me in my twenties. I married a passive, shy guy like the one you are asking out on a date. When you decide to date a man like this, you are basically volunteer ing to do all of the leading and take on all of the emotional relationship load for ever. Guys like this will never step up to the plate and take the lead. You will have to pull teeth to get him to do any relationship work ever. If that's the kind of guy you want, go for it. But if you want to feel cherished and wanted, this is not the personality type to be dating.


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

So as it turns out he didn't end up picking his kids up yesterday and was home last night and he knew I was free (he claims he forgot I had a child free night). I just called him and found out through our conversation because he said he is working today and picking up the kids later this afternoon. So yeah he obviously isn't thinking of me in any other way past a friend.... All good. I have my answer now. Thanks everyone


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

Lou Lou said:


> I don't think he is really into me anymore..... He isn't really giving off the vibe that he sees me as anymore than a friend.


Well, my could have been romance probably just went up in flames because she just pulled the plug on everything. Friendship also. I don't have all the answers but just stick around and be his friend. See other people. And while nothing is set in stone, there's always the chance that feelings will redevelop. But in any case, I hope things work out for you.


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

Thankyou. Actually in the last 2 weeks I've noticed that his phonecalls and texts have dropped off compared to where it was a nonth ago. I feel like he is trying to create sone distance and possibly could be because he doesn't want me to think our connection is anything more than friendship.


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

Also unlikely anything will happen because he won't hang out witb me in the real world. He cane ovwr last Sunday for the first time ever with his 8 yr old daughter because she had been pestering him to play with my 8 yr old daughter. The girls went upstairs to play while we chatted. When he arrived he hugged me briefly to say hi, bought food over for lunch and they stayed for about 3 hours. During the time he would not come anywhere in my zone, would not sit near ne, when we we were standing out in the garage alone talking abd looking at stuff he made sure to stand quite away from me...... I had no chance whatsoever to lightly punch his arm while laughing to flirt abit, no chance for our hands to brush. He created space and he turned up in some work type clothes so he definitely was not trying to make an impression on me whatsoever. He did hug me goodbye but once again it was brief. Thats about it. Since last Sunday with that visit he has definitely taken a step back from our friendship, I can see that he has and I'm not chasing him. I did call him Sat early morning just to say hi and be the friend that also makes effort but literally no text from him since then and its now Monday morning. He has back peddled, interestingly!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

marcy* said:


> It looks like he is finding excuses not going out with you, because if he really wanted he would say something like, “ Oh sorry I can’t this week, but I will txt you myself so we can go out together another time, probably next week.”
> 
> Once I invited a friend(female) twice to have a coffee together since we hadn’t seen each other in awhile. Her answers both times were short and just thank you but I am busy. No suggestions when we can meet. While during that time she posted on fb pictures from restaurants, pretty much every day. Like she was busy going out with her family every day. I had a family and othet friends too, and still was trying to make some time for an old friend. She is not my friend anymore. I deleted her from fb. She added me first. She founded me and I thought she really missed me but she just wanted only to have me on FB, and we lived only 10 mins away from each other.


This is what I like about Facebook. You don't have to look back and wonder.


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

Well it all makes sense now..... The reason why the phone calls and messages have dropped off and what I already suspected anyway, he is chatting to other women as well. Well it is what it is


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

Oh noooo.... The most telling piece of evidence that I'm "just the mate/one of the boys or like a sister" just came through..... Face palming and banging my head literally lol

He sent a photo of himself in mismatched winter PJ's asking me what I thought..... He looked like the biggest dag I've ever seen (what guy would reveal that to a girl he looked at romantically - that's right.... No one in their right mind would)

Then goes on to tell me over the phone when he rang me after the pic that he dreamed last night that he was having a pissing contest with his mates and while dreaming he actually pissed the bed for real due to the dream..... He was not, I repeat was not joking.....

Okay everyone I think its safe to say we can close the book on this case and throw away the key...... I seriously can only laugh now...... Well at least I have a friend that feels comfortable telling me anything, there's always that to be thankful for 😂😂


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)




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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)




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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)




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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

As you can see from my flirty "I sleep naked winky face" message, there was no return flirting...... 

Funny that he found me attractive 2 yrs ago wanting to date me but now its come to this. I think I'm an attractive woman, can't imagine why he would be knocking me back 😂


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)




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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)




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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

@Lou Lou you are a very attractive woman. You don’t need a bed pissing passive aggressive idiot with avoidance issues in your life.
You’re welcome.


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

Andy1001 said:


> @Lou Lou you are a very attractive woman. You don’t need a bed pissing passive aggressive idiot with avoidance issues in your life.
> You’re welcome.


Thankyou.... I appreciate that


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

I feel like I'm eaves dropping on a junior high school conversation....


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

secretsheriff said:


> I feel like I'm eaves dropping on a junior high school conversation....


Well it's what has happened, I'm just being honest with what's been happening 🤷‍♀️


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Lou Lou said:


> As you can see from my flirty "I sleep naked winky face" message, there was no return flirting......
> 
> Funny that he found me attractive 2 yrs ago wanting to date me but now its come to this. I think I'm an attractive woman, can't imagine why he would be knocking me back 😂


Put your focus on someone else. You’ve wasted enough energy on this guy.


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

Marduk said:


> Put your focus on someone else. You’ve wasted enough energy on this guy.


Yes I've accepted that it's only going to be a platonic friendship and am scaling back the contact to a once a week hello like I do with my girlfriends. His loss lol..... Especially knowing what an awesome chick I am. I have someone else that wants to take me on a date so maybe it's time to say yes


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

Lou Lou said:


> Well it's what has happened, I'm just being honest with what's been happening 🤷‍♀️


I'm talking about the painful amount of dissection, obsessing, and overthinking. It's excruciating.


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

secretsheriff said:


> I'm talking about the painful amount of dissection, obsessing, and overthinking. It's excruciating.


I am an overthinker by nature, I'm trying to work on that and stop doing it as well as working on being more detached.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

Since he didn't flirt back with you when you told him that, just move on. I know it's easier said than done, but just keep looking. You'll find someone that's just as equally interested in you as you are him.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

@Lou Lou move along why waste your time on this guy?


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## Lou Lou (May 27, 2020)

aine said:


> @Lou Lou move along why waste your time on this guy?


Yes I have done so. The more I thought about it this morning when my thoughts took me back to the Pj photo and the pissing episode I realize I am now very turned off from him romantically speaking. I will just keep him as a platonic friend.


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