# Really need some advice! Girl feels suffocated? Confused?



## floridamike (Mar 26, 2010)

Hey Everyone -
Before I begin I want to thank everyone who reads this message. Right now I really need some advice. My almost fiance and I recently broke up. The reason why I say almost is because we picked out a ring and we broke up right before I purchased it. However, this has nothing to do with us splitting up because she didn't even know I was going to propose. Anyway, so here's the story. We have been together for about 2 years. During that time we had a lot of good times and some bad times. While I was in the relationship I had some health issues that I was unaware of. I was tired all the time, didn't have a libido.. Could only have sex like once a week, gaining weight around my midsection, trouble focusing amongst other things. I knew something was wrong but I couldn't pinpoint what was up. During this time in the relationship my woman felt like I didn't want her, felt like I couldn't focus and really got the wrong impression of me. I later found out that I have a serious hormonal imbalance/underactive thyroid. After explaining this to her she feels like the relationship is too damaged and I could of prevented the break up if only I tried harder. This has been really hard for me to deal with because I feel like I was at a handicap. And I feel like I have never done anything to hurt her or make her upset. Not once did I cheat on her. Never lied to her unless it was like for her surprise party or something like that. And I just feel like plain ****. 

I tried to convey my feelings to her about what I'm going through and I don't think she understands how crappy I was feeling. I tried to do as much as I could to prove to her I loved her. So now we are currently split up. She said that she has no desire to ever get back with me and that I have put her through hell. These words are very hurtful towards me because I had no control over what was going on with my health. And to hear someone who I care about more than life say those things it REALLY bothers me. We have been hanging out a lot and have been having a good time. She says she just wants to be friends but her actions prove otherwise. She cuddles up to me, kisses me and I sleep over. (No Sex though.) She will say she has no interest in getting back with me because she cannot go through what she went through again. And I can't get over that because I don't think she knows how I felt.. Her man not being able to do certain things to please her.. (Don't get me wrong if I couldn't have sex I offered other things.. but she declined because she said that's not what she wants) It seems like it's all about what she went through.. ? I don't get it.. Seems selfish but I feel she DOES love me.. Anyway the past couple days things have been really good. We've had a lot of fun. The other day I slept over and when we woke up she told me that she hates that she has to date other people, and she hates that she has to hook up with other guys. This came to a surprise to me because I had no idea she was going to try to "jump" into something so fast. It makes me feel like she's doing it to try to overwrite me. After she hooked up with this guy I was obviously bothered, seeing that I was laying in bed next to her. I told her that I think she needs to take some time and just think about things. I love her so much that I'm willing to accept it as a one time thing but if it continues I cannot hang around her.. With that being said she told me she is pobably going to continue to kiss him. However, now that a few days have gone by she has been more lovey dovey with me and its confusing me. She mentions that I will probably get mad if she hangs out with the guy so she's not sure if she will hang out with him.. 

She continues to tell me she loves me but she can't be with me.. And now she's saying she feels suffocated. She feels like I'm suffocating her. She said she just wants to be friends but she still tries to cuddle up next to me? Guys I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. She also is planning a trip to go away with me for a week to Hawaii. This is another thing I don't get. She said just as friends. But if she continues to kiss this guy I can't go away with her. What would you guys do? Should I give her space and wait for her to come around and not feel so suffocated? Part of me feels like she is torn and that if I don't hang around she will continue on with this guy when I know she loves me.. Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry if the story is a bit unorganized! Thanks so much!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Will you go back and break up your post into paragraphs? A lot of people won't read or answer cos it's too hard to read. Just hit the edit button.


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## floridamike (Mar 26, 2010)

Thanks I should of thought of that.. Kind of hard to break it up but I've tried


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

How old are you both?


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## floridamike (Mar 26, 2010)

Sorry I should of wrote that in the post. She is 29 and I am 28.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Hmmm...I'm going to guess that, given your medical problems, she lost desire for you in a variety of ways. People in their 20s generally expect their mate to be someone other people will desire, so that they can basically show off their bf/gf. What efforts are you making to make yourself as fit, good-looking, and desirable as possible? Did you lose that middle? You may want to start.

I don't understand what she means when she says 'all the stuff' you've put her through. Like what?

Finally, since she has already jumped into other guys this fast, there is a VERY GOOD possibility that she had already met at least one guy before she broke up with you. Women typically don't leave men unless they've got something else lined up, if the man isn't being abusive. You may want to do a little research to see if this is the case. If it is, it will be harder to get her back because she's already made an emotional connection to someone else.

She also sounds like she wants to cake eat. Keep you around and have other guys, too. If that's the case, you will want to STOP being her backup plan. Women have to respect their men, and she will lose all respect if you allow that to continue.

Get some more info.


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## floridamike (Mar 26, 2010)

When she talks about all the stuff I put her through she's talking about "feeling like I don't want her" Which I understand but if my libido problems are real there's nothing I can do until I get resolved.. (Which I am doing right now..) I also can only offer other ways to be there for her sexually. (Which I have tried, but she does not want that.. she wants what she wants.) As for my looks everyone tells me I look great. She even often complains that too many people compliment me.

As for the jumping into it the other guy I'm not sure what to make of it. I mean she did kiss him so there is some kind of connection which makes me wonder. And now I know there is another "guy friend" trying to win her over. So it's starting to get annoying. And if I come out with the "what the heck are you doing attitude" or "stop doing this.." she's going to prob distance herself more? 

What do you recommend I do? Cut ties with her? Keep minimal contact? She's all about this trip too..


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ok, then if that is the only thing she is talking about, my first bet is that she's using that as an excuse cos she found a cuter, more 'virile' guy to make her feel good, and you pale in comparison. 

Which I why I recommend getting more info. 

Personally, I would be offended by her actions if I were you. You are starting to sound like the whiny boyfriend, and no girl likes that. I'd give her space and say you're going to move on if she is no longer interested. See what happens.


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## floridamike (Mar 26, 2010)

Like poke around a bit for more info? I am kind of offended because I feel like a lot of issues she has are insecurities on her part. And I do not whine about it, but I can see what you're saying there. If a man says stuff like "why are you doing this" "i love you whats going on" it does probably get annoying and push a woman away. but at the same time if a person has deep feelings for someone they are going to question their actions.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Are you paying for the Hawaii trip?


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## floridamike (Mar 26, 2010)

No, we are both splitting it down the middle..


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

If you can get out of the trip, I would cancel it and also stop seeing her. If you stay in the picture she has no incentive to make any decision about what she really wants and you will continue to live in limbo and feel played. 

She is 28 but IMO not ready to settle down...she is not showing much empathy re: your illness & seems to be a bit self-centered. This would not be a good way to start a marriage.


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## floridamike (Mar 26, 2010)

Thanks Swedish!


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