# a topic about abortion. Looking for advice.



## Jessica811 (Jul 16, 2021)

I know I am new on here, and I know this is a hot topic, but I am not looking to create a problem, I am only looking for advice and support. 

I am 29 years old, been married to my husband for 9 years now. We have two daughters, ages 8 and 5. 
Last year was a tough year for us and nearly everybody else. We went through most of our savings, and I was laid off from work for nearly 13 months. We just recently started getting some thing under control, including me getting back to work just a couple months ago, but financially we still have a ways to go. 
We cancelled my birth control, saving $600, and switched to condoms or the pull-out method. We had one accident, and I got Plan B the next day just to make sure we were good. 
Obviously Plan B didn't work. 
As of right now I am 7 weeks 5 days, and it was last night when we had this serious but very calm conversation about abortion. It is something that has NEVER been on the table for us, but now it is becoming this possibility. 
I had to tell him my secret about my abortion from when I was 18. I didn't even know my husband at the time, and we didn't even live in the same state when I was 18. But I had one, and I told him this because I felt like he should know that I would be okay with this option if we agreed on it. he was surprised by this info, but he was not mad and he did not ask about how or why or who. 
But right now I am just sitting here contemplating about all of this. The good and the bad about each scenario. We are behind on where our lives should be right now, and it's all because of 2020, but having another child right now would make it that much worse. We were planning on buying an actual house last year, get out of this 2 bedroom apartment, but the house idea is on hold no matter what and having a third child in this little apartment feels extreme. 
I know I am giving TMI on all of this, but I would like to here from a couple or two who have been in this situation. Just would like to know what it was you decided on doing? 
I am not happy with any of this, I fee trapped with no way out. I just need to talk and hear from somebody else. 
And feel free to PM me.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Jessica811 said:


> I know I am new on here, and I know this is a hot topic, but I am not looking to create a problem, I am only looking for advice and support.
> 
> I am 29 years old, been married to my husband for 9 years now. We have two daughters, ages 8 and 5.
> Last year was a tough year for us and nearly everybody else. We went through most of our savings, and I was laid off from work for nearly 13 months. We just recently started getting some thing under control, including me getting back to work just a couple months ago, but financially we still have a ways to go.
> ...


How does your husband feel about it?


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## Jessica811 (Jul 16, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> How does your husband feel about it?


He was the one who brought it up first, kudos to him for having the courage on saying it. But we are on the fence about it, but maybe it's the world around us that will make the decision instead.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Some of us here are quite against abortion. I'm one of those. My third child was unplanned. I cannot imagine life without her.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Jessica811 said:


> He was the one who brought it up first, kudos to him for having the courage on saying it. But we are on the fence about it, but maybe it's the world around us that will make the decision instead.


I will say I am pro choice but I think abortion should be rare and done very early on. The choice is yours of course. I know I couldn’t do it but I have never been in that position.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Sfort said:


> Some of us here are quite against abortion. I'm one of those. My third child was unplanned. I cannot imagine life without her.


Yep - the same for me. But only you can make this decision for you.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Jessica811 said:


> He was the one who brought it up first, kudos to him for having the courage on saying it. But we are on the fence about it, but maybe it's the world around us that will make the decision instead.





Jessica811 said:


> He was the one who brought it up first, kudos to him for having the courage on saying it. But we are on the fence about it, but maybe it's the world around us that will make the decision instead.


How have you carried the previous one with you emotionally over the years? Do you think it will affect you the same, being as you're now in a long term relationship?

By the way, If your avatar is a personal one, you may or may not want to change it for anonymity.

Very hard decision. I wish you well.


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## staceymj86 (Apr 14, 2020)

You’re the only person that can make that decision for you and your family. I’ve never been in that situation, but my fiancé brought it up before I had my miscarriage in April. I told him I’m against abortions. He too thought a 3rd child in our 2 bedroom apartment was going to set us back.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No one here can tell you what you should or shouldn’t do about an abortion. That choice is as personal as it gets.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

I think what you did at 18, is highly different than what you’re talking about now. You weren’t married. Just a kid trying to get herself out of a scary situation. You’ve been with him for 9 years. You have 2 daughters already. Take a look at one of your daughters and imagine snuffing her life out. Would you do that? No. I feel like that’s kind of what you’d be doing now by getting an abortion. I think you’d have deep remorse. Plenty of people have children having not much money. You do what you have to do to make ends meet, I’d imagine. 

Just an opinion, ok? I know you’re going to do what you feel is best for you and only you and your husband know what that is.


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## Jessica811 (Jul 16, 2021)

TBT said:


> How have you carried the previous one with you emotionally over the years? Do you think it will affect you the same, being as you're now in a long term relationship?
> 
> By the way, If your avatar is a personal one, you may or may not want to change it for anonymity.
> 
> Very hard decision. I wish you well.


TBT I did change my avatar, Thankyou. And I have no regrets on my first abortion, but right I am surprised that it came back up 11 years later. It's something you don't forget. 





staceymj86 said:


> You’re the only person that can make that decision for you and your family. I’ve never been in that situation, but my fiancé brought it up before I had my miscarriage in April. I told him I’m against abortions. He too thought a 3rd child in our 2 bedroom apartment was going to set us back.


Stacey, your story sounds like mine. Sorry for the miscarriage, never been through that.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Jessica811 said:


> I know I am new on here, and I know this is a hot topic, but I am not looking to create a problem, I am only looking for advice and support.
> 
> I am 29 years old, been married to my husband for 9 years now. We have two daughters, ages 8 and 5.
> Last year was a tough year for us and nearly everybody else. We went through most of our savings, and I was laid off from work for nearly 13 months. We just recently started getting some thing under control, including me getting back to work just a couple months ago, but financially we still have a ways to go.
> ...


First, I am so sorry that you felt like your abortion had to be a secret. I mean I understand it, but it makes me sad. 
Second, I don't believe there are deadlines for where your life should be. It's not a contest and there is no prize at the end of it. A child will not make you "behind". But it might make life harder. 
Third, and many have said, this is really a decision for both you and your husband and no advice will help. We can't tell you that life will be alright because it might not be. Many believe that you will never regret it if you have this baby, but you might. 

When making hard decisions like this I like to do the 5-year plan. I try to picture my life in 5 years with each of the choices. So think about what life would feel like in 5 years if you don't have this baby. How will you feel? Then think about life in 5 years if you do have this baby? Have your husband do the same and really examine how the two of you feel.


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## Jessica811 (Jul 16, 2021)

BlueWoman said:


> First, I am so sorry that you felt like your abortion had to be a secret. I mean I understand it, but it makes me sad.
> Second, I don't believe there are deadlines for where your life should be. It's not a contest and there is no prize at the end of it. A child will not make you "behind". But it might make life harder.
> Third, and many have said, this is really a decision for both you and your husband and no advice will help. We can't tell you that life will be alright because it might not be. Many believe that you will never regret it if you have this baby, but you might.
> 
> When making hard decisions like this I like to do the 5-year plan. I try to picture my life in 5 years with each of the choices. So think about what life would feel like in 5 years if you don't have this baby. How will you feel? Then think about life in 5 years if you do have this baby? Have your husband do the same and really examine how the two of you feel.


thankyou for that 5 year plan idea! We will do that.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I’m super pro-life (admittedly) but I’d beg you to keep the baby and/or put him/her up for adoption. Don’t let financial problems stress you out to consider ending a babies life over it. 😢 

Think about your grandparents.. probably had only one car and a small house but they made it. Move to a smaller place, sell a car, apply for WIC, etc. do anything you can to pay your bills but just keep the baby and leave everything else in God’s hands.

I’m just a half-a$$ engineer and my wife has never worked and we have ten kids and no financial help and I’ve been laid off twice and unemployed. My kids are all fed, clothed, and through various acts of luck and elbow grease all have had cars to drive and my oldest is graduated from college and youngest is three. According to all the “kid expenses calculators” we never should have survived financially but have so far.

God bless you and hubby and family and I’ll be praying for you on this! 🙏 🙏 🙏


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

CatholicDad said:


> I’m super pro-life (admittedly) but I’d beg you to keep the baby and/or put him/her up for adoption. Don’t let financial problems stress you out to consider ending a babies life over it. 😢
> 
> Think about your grandparents.. probably had only one car and a small house but they made it. Move to a smaller place, sell a car, apply for WIC, etc. do anything you can to pay your bills but just keep the baby and leave everything else in God’s hands.
> 
> ...


2nd this. Dont kill a child because it would be a burden. There are many couples that would to give your baby a loving home. My wife had 7 miscarries before carrying a child to term. Many would love that child.


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