# Wife does not like foreplay



## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

I have been married for very long time. Overall we have rather happy marriage, we communicate well, we love each other, we do not fight. We both have rather high libido and have rather frequent sex life, at least 4 times a week. 

The part that disappoints me sexually is that my wife does not seem to like foreplay. From what I know and read women crave foreplay and really need it. She does not openly say she does not like it or she does not want it but when I try foreplay (kiss her softly everywhere, whisper different words), she seems really uninterested and bored and basically hints me to go straight into action (for her it is fingering her). I tried everything I could to spike foreplay reaction from her but nothing seems to work. This makes me frustrated as I would really want us to engage in hot steamy foreplay before we move in to actual action. I find her very attractive and show this to her in any possible way.

What could be the reason for this? Am I doing something wrong? We are very affectionate towards each other and kiss, hug every day.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

polarbear_75 said:


> The part that disappoints me sexually is that my wife does not seem to like foreplay. From what I know and read women crave foreplay and really need it.


Some do some don't and what turns one woman on may well turn another off. Instead of approaching your wife like she is the women you read about, you would be better served and quite frankly so would she, if you appreciated her response instead of wanting her to be someone else.



> She does not openly say she does not like it or she does not want it but when I try foreplay (kiss her softly everywhere, whisper different words), she seems really uninterested and bored and basically hints me to go straight into action (for her it is fingering her).


Uh huh, well to be fair, even my wife would find that really boring as well. Seriously there are plenty of women who'd rather file their nails or clean a toilet, versus be softly kissed all over and whispered to (yawn).



> I tried everything I could to spike foreplay reaction from her but nothing seems to work. This makes me frustrated as I would really want us to engage in hot steamy foreplay before we move in to actual action. I find her very attractive and show this to her in any possible way.


Okay. Is this really about getting your wife off, or is it more about validating your own ego?



> What could be the reason for this?


She's probably bored by it, or she doesn't find it exciting or it doesn't turn her on. If it concerns you, you would do well to ask her, rather than speculate about it, or read books or ask about it on forums. Since your wife is the only person who can accurately answer this question for you.



> Am I doing something wrong?


Maybe/maybe not, though probably.



> We are very affectionate towards each other and kiss, hug every day.


That's good.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Just go with it. Long as you get off.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

So why are you complaining? You have a wife who loves sex and you don’t have to try and talk her into it. 
Some people will never be happy.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Andy1001 said:


> So why are you complaining? You have a wife who loves sex and you don’t have to try and talk her into it.
> Some people will never be happy.


He’s a lucky man. Does not need to negotiate sex like planning for Normandy invasion.


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

polarbear_75 said:


> she seems really uninterested and bored and basically hints me to go straight into action (for her it is fingering her).


I thought fingering is forplay. At least it was to me... until now? 

No, I am kidding. Everyone is different.
From my experience it can be a sign that you're not arousing her enough physically.
Sorry to say that. But when I am with men that aren't ticking my boxes I don't fancy I just need stronger and more direct stimulation from the beginning.

It means, your not the guy that gives her shiver when he touches her or looks at her.


As I always say. Men should provide women with optical stimuli as well.

It is like a meal. You can get fastfood. You just quickly eat it to satisfy your hunger.
Or you get a 3 course 5 star dinner. Each dish served seperately one after one. But each dish looks so delicious it is worth taking the time enjoying them one after one over a longer period of time.

Your wife isn't bored by foreplay, she is bored by you and not fully stimulated by propably your birth suite you provide tp her every time over and over again. Put more effort into looking appealing. Ask her what she likes.
Dress up and look so hot she gets tingly down there and then you'll get her hooked and your in control.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

polarbear_75 said:


> I have been married for very long time. Overall we have rather happy marriage, we communicate well, we love each other, we do not fight. We both have rather high libido and have rather frequent sex life, at least 4 times a week.
> 
> The part that disappoints me sexually is that my wife does not seem to like foreplay. From what I know and read women crave foreplay and really need it. She does not openly say she does not like it or she does not want it but when I try foreplay (kiss her softly everywhere, whisper different words), she seems really uninterested and bored and basically hints me to go straight into action (for her it is fingering her). I tried everything I could to spike foreplay reaction from her but nothing seems to work. This makes me frustrated as I would really want us to engage in hot steamy foreplay before we move in to actual action. I find her very attractive and show this to her in any possible way.
> 
> What could be the reason for this? Am I doing something wrong? We are very affectionate towards each other and kiss, hug every day.


Whenever I read posts like this, I tend to go to my own experience and I too did not like foreplay. Well I did, but my former husband only saw one way of doing it and was never open to what I liked or didn't like. One of the main things, as a women I would suggest (which it seems like you may already be doing this?) but foreplay is not always the literal physical act of it in the bedroom. It's the hours before, outside the bedroom, for some, it's the days leading up to the physical encounter. So the way you're treating her outside the bedroom.

And believe me, what I've been through and been deprived of, I'm not knocking what you say you're currently doing, as I believe all those things are good and important. Other than just being blunt and explaining, your deep desire to add this time to your already scheduled encounters, would truly benefit you emotionally not just physically and you'd like to learn what you can do to make it better for her. She may just be shy to say, "I want your face between my legs, agonizingly slowly, teasing me and pushing to the edge, but denying me all at once." There's plenty of women out there too shy to say something like that, even to their spouse. Some men make it hard to communicate that openly for fear of hurting their ego. Is that you? Probably not but just things to consider.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Your thread title says she does like it.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Livvie said:


> Your thread title says she does like it.


Noticed same


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Noticed same


I think with the content he posted, it's safe to say that's a typo?


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I think with the content he posted, it's safe to say that's a typo?


Yep


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

polarbear_75 said:


> I have been married for very long time. Overall we have rather happy marriage, we communicate well, we love each other, we do not fight. We both have rather high libido and have rather frequent sex life, at least 4 times a week.
> 
> The part that disappoints me sexually is that my wife does not seem to like foreplay. From what I know and read women crave foreplay and really need it. She does not openly say she does not like it or she does not want it but when I try foreplay (kiss her softly everywhere, whisper different words), she seems really uninterested and bored and basically hints me to go straight into action (for her it is fingering her). I tried everything I could to spike foreplay reaction from her but nothing seems to work. This makes me frustrated as I would really want us to engage in hot steamy foreplay before we move in to actual action. I find her very attractive and show this to her in any possible way.
> 
> What could be the reason for this? Am I doing something wrong? We are very affectionate towards each other and kiss, hug every day.


I love my husband and have sex with him frequently. I to mostly don't want to be kissed all over or such. Occasionally sure. But when I"m having sex 5-10 times a week. I don't need the 'slow' build up. I would like a good orgasm. So to me the yeah the fingering or oral or something like that is my foreplay. If we haven't had sex in a long time then sure. Then i need the slow warm up. Then I need the soft stroking or kissing.

If you have sex frequently then you don't need the slow stuff as much. Or at least for me. Also depends on what's going on. If it's recent and my idea then I"m already turned on. But I"m responsive desire so if it's not my idea then some of the slower foreplay.

While the movies make all that look good the truth is kissing my arm does nothing sexual for me. My arm doesn't have nerve connected to my clitoris. That's a mental thing. I usually stay turned on enough and wanting my husband enough that I don't need the mental. He's making me coffee right now, we had sex earlier this morning, and it just makes me want more sex. I love when he makes me coffee. That's my mental. 

Do you know your wife's love language? You may be turning her on in other ways.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

A lot of this is lost and jumbled up in the labels and verbiage etc etc

I understand where you are coming from as my wife was/is much the same way.

Let’s get some definitions out of the way first -

“Foreplay” is actions that stimulate and arouse, presumably to arouse each other to where they are wanting and physically ready to have sexual intercourse.

With that definition in mind, once both people are aroused to the point of wanting and ready to have sexual intercourse, then intercourse may proceed. 

Whether that takes an hour of kissing, stroking, warm oil massage by candlelight and tickling each other’s asses with a feather; Or a wink and a nod and saying, “do ya wanna?” Is immaterial.

What’s taking place here is you enjoy nonPIV forms of eroticism and pleasuring and making etc more than she does. 

She simply isn’t into that stuff as much as you are.

My wife was the same way. She used to have a high level of spontaneous desire and she liked getting down to business more than making out, touching, stroking etc 

I was the one that liked all that other stuff. She would humor me for a few minutes but then would get antsy or even frustrated and would either grab my junk and pull it into her or she would simply push me onto my back and climb on. 

The social narrative is that women needs lots of warm up and mental and physical stimulation before they are aroused to the point of being ready for and actually wanting PIV. 

For many, that is probably true. But for others, they aren’t really into that other stuff and are ready to get down to business without many preliminaries.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

If your wife likes whatever you’re doing and she gets off on it, why would you care what a book says? 

Your wife has her own “book” in her head and chapter one in her “book” is manual stimulation apparently.

So do that and enjoy.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> A lot of this is lost and jumbled up in the labels and verbiage etc etc
> 
> I understand where you are coming from as my wife was/is much the same way.
> 
> ...



So assuming you are both adequately aroused, able to achieve orgasm etc etc, this really is not a “foreplay” issue per se. It’s more of a difference in what you two like in bed. 

You like lots of touching, kissing, body exploration etc - where as she isn’t really into that. 

Like all things, this is kind of a matter of discussion and finding what keeps you both happy. 

My suggestion is since she seems to get frustrated and annoyed when you are trying to do all this stuff prior to PIV, maybe shake it up a bit and lay the lumber to her real well and get her fully satisfied and spent,, and then see if she will be more accommodating for that other stuff after she has been taken care of. 

Afterplay is an actual thing. 

However just sharing a caveat from someone that has been in a similar situation, my wife probably dislikes afterplay more than foreplay. She’s basically a total guy, when she’s done, she’s done and does not want anyone touching her. 

But your mileage may vary, it’s worth a try.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

One more thing - you say you’ve been married a long time. If that means 20+ years or more, then menopause and all it’s lovely trimmings are not too far off. 

This can change dynamics significantly. 

I’m kind of guessing that your wife has a high level of spontaneous desire or at least quite responsive to where she doesn’t need a lot of preliminaries before she’s ready to get down to business. 

That may change with peri menopause/menopause. 

My wife was basically a porn star before menopause and was ready to go before the clothes had even hit the floor and she really didn’t want to mess with that other stuff. It was just basically getting in the way for her.

But now that menopause and a variety of chronic migraine and anxiety meds have entered the picture, her level of spontaneous desire has dropped about 98.375%.

She still doesn’t really ‘like’ foreplay, but now she ‘needs’ it. 

She’s basically gone from having an exceptionally high libido, to a darn near nonexistent one. 

She now needs quite a bit of mindful and determined foreplay to get into the frame and headspace of having any kind of intimate activity.

The fact that I very much like “other” activities and things that would normally be thought of as foreplay is both good and bad. 

It’s good in the sense that if I was a typical guy that wanted to get it up, get it in and get it off as efficiently as possible, we would have had a completely dead sexless for several years now. 

But while I do enjoy touching and kissing and making out etc, She’s still not really into that so it is like trying to start up a cold boiler from the dead start. 

Sometimes she’ll warm up and get in the game after awhile. 

Other times she can’t quite pry herself away from her phone or a tv show or stop looking at the clock. 

But my point here is that there may come a time where your wife may still not necessarily want much foreplay, but she may need it.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Livvie said:


> Your thread title says she does like it.


Sorry, it was a typo in the title.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> One more thing - you say you’ve been married a long time. If that means 20+ years or more, then menopause and all it’s lovely trimmings are not too far off.
> 
> This can change dynamics significantly.
> 
> ...


Yes, 20+ years. she does not have menopause. First, this has always been the case even when we were in our 20s. Second, she has rather high libido and always had, we have rather good sex life, she is easily aroused, she does not have problems with dryness and she orgasms easily too.


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## CoffeeandTV (5 mo ago)

There are all different types of foreplay. Have you tried things beyond the “kissing all over” and whispering things in her ear? My wife hates and I mean *hates* soft kissing all over her body. She told me that it makes her vagina want to close up. Anything that feels cheesy to her is not a turn on, and in her mind the ultimate sort of cheesy stuff = soft kissing and whispering in her ear. I love my wife.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> So assuming you are both adequately aroused, able to achieve orgasm etc etc, this really is not a “foreplay” issue per se. It’s more of a difference in what you two like in bed.
> 
> You like lots of touching, kissing, body exploration etc - where as she isn’t really into that.
> 
> ...


Yes, the sex itself is rather good. she is aroused quickly, orgasms quickly, gets two orgasms actually, one from me fingering her and another from PIV.

Maybe she does not like foreplay, maybe I am doing something wrong. It just frustrates me that foreplay is actually more for women than man.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

CoffeeandTV said:


> There are all different types of foreplay. Have you tried things beyond the “kissing all over” and whispering things in her ear? My wife hates and I mean *hates* soft kissing all over her body. She told me that it makes her vagina want to close up. Anything that feels cheesy to her is not a turn on, and in her mind the ultimate sort of cheesy stuff = soft kissing and whispering in her ear. I love my wife.


So what is it that that I can try as part of foreplay? I cannot really ask her as knowing her she would be defensive and will only hurt us sex life rather than help it. I need to find out this myself.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Personal said:


> Some do some don't and what turns one woman on may well turn another off. Instead of approaching your wife like she is the women you read about, you would be better served and quite frankly so would she, if you appreciated her response instead of wanting her to be someone else.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


We have very passionate love. She tells me how much she loves me and how much she feels lucky to have me multiple times a day. We hug, kiss, cuddle. 

Even before I start fingering her she is already wet and it takes less then a minute for her to come. We also come together during PIV. so she gets always two orgasms. We have sex almost every day for 20+ years. I doubt it is all possible to do with the man she would not be attracted to.

I think there is nothing wring with me wanting both of us to enjoy foreplay as part of the sexual intimacy.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Whenever I read posts like this, I tend to go to my own experience and I too did not like foreplay. Well I did, but my former husband only saw one way of doing it and was never open to what I liked or didn't like. One of the main things, as a women I would suggest (which it seems like you may already be doing this?) but foreplay is not always the literal physical act of it in the bedroom. It's the hours before, outside the bedroom, for some, it's the days leading up to the physical encounter. So the way you're treating her outside the bedroom.
> 
> And believe me, what I've been through and been deprived of, I'm not knocking what you say you're currently doing, as I believe all those things are good and important. Other than just being blunt and explaining, your deep desire to add this time to your already scheduled encounters, would truly benefit you emotionally not just physically and you'd like to learn what you can do to make it better for her. She may just be shy to say, "I want your face between my legs, agonizingly slowly, teasing me and pushing to the edge, but denying me all at once." There's plenty of women out there too shy to say something like that, even to their spouse. Some men make it hard to communicate that openly for fear of hurting their ego. Is that you? Probably not but just things to consider.


I would do everything for her if I just knew what she wants. However she is not communicating to me. Every time I ask her if she likes what I am doing and if she wants anything else she always responds that everything is perfect and she does not want anything else.

Just hard for me to accept that foreplay that is tailed for women primarily is closed for us as part of the sex. I read a lot of women complaining about lack of foreplay and here I am willing to do anything for her.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

ccpowerslave said:


> If your wife likes whatever you’re doing and she gets off on it, why would you care what a book says?
> 
> Your wife has her own “book” in her head and chapter one in her “book” is manual stimulation apparently.
> 
> So do that and enjoy.


It is not what a book says. I myself enjoy foreplay and I would really like both of us to enjoy it.

If it were anal sex or BDSM I would understand she may not like it but foreplay which is for women primarily it is hard for me to accept she does not like it.

Moreover we are very passionate and affectionate and we have a lot of "nonsexual foreplay" in our life, we passionately kiss, we hug, we cuddle, we write each other love notes.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Anastasia6 said:


> I love my husband and have sex with him frequently. I to mostly don't want to be kissed all over or such. Occasionally sure. But when I"m having sex 5-10 times a week. I don't need the 'slow' build up. I would like a good orgasm. So to me the yeah the fingering or oral or something like that is my foreplay. If we haven't had sex in a long time then sure. Then i need the slow warm up. Then I need the soft stroking or kissing.
> 
> If you have sex frequently then you don't need the slow stuff as much. Or at least for me. Also depends on what's going on. If it's recent and my idea then I"m already turned on. But I"m responsive desire so if it's not my idea then some of the slower foreplay.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your response. We love each other very much. We actually employ all love languages. I cook her dinner almost every day, sometimes I even bring her lunch to the office if she is in the office that day. I give her expensive gifts, "just because", flowers, chocolate. I write her love notes. We kiss, hug, cuddle every day. So I doubt there is a love language we do not have.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

polarbear_75 said:


> Thank you for your response. We love each other very much. We actually employ all love languages. I cook her dinner almost every day, sometimes I even bring her lunch to the office if she is in the office that day. I give her expensive gifts, "just because", flowers, chocolate. I write her love notes. We kiss, hug, cuddle every day. So I doubt there is a love language we do not have.


My point isn't apply all. My point is if hers is something other than touch. You maybe mentally turning her on in other ways like making her dinner. You are assuming she should be excited by soft kisses on her skin. For me that would mostly do nothing for me and would be boring.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

polarbear_75 said:


> Yes, the sex itself is rather good. she is aroused quickly, orgasms quickly, gets two orgasms actually, one from me fingering her and another from PIV.
> 
> Maybe she does not like foreplay, maybe I am doing something wrong. It just frustrates me that foreplay is actually more for women than man.


You're probably not doing anything "wrong." Some people are just not as into being touched and kissed etc as others. 

This is not a sexual dysfunction or anything. It is a difference in things you like. You like to touch and kiss and make out etc more than she does. 

It's rare that people are exactly 50/50 on something. Someone always likes something a little more or a little less than the other. 

On average it is typical that women need a little more warm up time before they want and are ready for intercourse that what men do on average. But that doesn't mean that all women want as much touching and making out etc as what you do. 

This is just a difference in preference and not any kind of dysfunction.

If only becomes a problem if you are not getting adequate arousal and stimulation for it to be an enjoyable and satisfying experience, or if she is getting frustrated and annoyed at you wanting to touch and kiss her to where it is impacting her enjoyment and satisfaction.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It doesn’t matter if every other female on the planet is crazy for it, if your wife isn’t then she isn’t. She might be willing to deal with a little of what you want but apparently it will never be as much as you want. If you can’t talk to her about it then you’ll have to go with what you have.


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## SnakePlissken (10 mo ago)

Why do you think foreplay is only for women? Perhaps that is your own definition of foreplay.

For me and my wife sometimes BDSM is the foreplay. Nothing gentle about it.

Other times it is more like the gentleness you describe. 

I agree with others telling you that you two like different types of foreplay, which is fine as long as you both are willing to indulge each other now and then to do what the other enjoys (within agreed upon boundaries)


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> You're probably not doing anything "wrong." Some people are just not as into being touched and kissed etc as others.
> 
> This is not a sexual dysfunction or anything. It is a difference in things you like. You like to touch and kiss and make out etc more than she does.
> 
> ...


It is probably true. I just want to be sure she does not like foreplay in general (I would accept it as I understand some people do not like something, it is natural) and it is not that I am doing something wrong or not doing something she would like. But she would never tell me straightforward if it is the case.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

polarbear_75 said:


> If it were anal sex or BDSM I would understand she may not like it but foreplay which is for women primarily it is hard for me to accept she does not like it.


OK this is very important because you do make a great analogy. 

THIS IS JUST LIKE ANAL OR BDSM!!! Some people like that stuff and some don't! You wouldn't go shoving stuff in her butt or hanging her from the ceiling if she didn't like it so why do you insist on stroking her feet and whispering soft nothings in her ear when you know she doesn't like that. 

She does not like making out and touching etc the way you do just like some people would not like Anal or BDSM etc. 

ACCEPT THAT and respect her wishes and boundaries etc. Some women do not like traditional foreplay stuff.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

polarbear_75 said:


> I have been married for very long time. Overall we have rather happy marriage, we communicate well, we love each other, we do not fight. We both have rather high libido and have rather frequent sex life, at least 4 times a week.
> 
> The part that disappoints me sexually is that my wife does not seem to like foreplay. From what I know and read women crave foreplay and really need it. She does not openly say she does not like it or she does not want it but when I try foreplay (kiss her softly everywhere, whisper different words), she seems really uninterested and bored and basically hints me to go straight into action (for her it is fingering her). I tried everything I could to spike foreplay reaction from her but nothing seems to work. This makes me frustrated as I would really want us to engage in hot steamy foreplay before we move in to actual action. I find her very attractive and show this to her in any possible way.
> 
> What could be the reason for this? Am I doing something wrong? We are very affectionate towards each other and kiss, hug every day.


Without getting too graphic, instead of what you're doing concentrate on her clitoris for foreplay and see if that makes any difference.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> For many, that is probably true. But for others, they aren’t really into that other stuff and are ready to get down to business without many preliminaries.


It's not necessarily an "either / or" thing. The same woman might actually want it different at different times. Women like variety and get bored with the same routine also.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

theloveofmylife said:


> It's not necessarily an "either / or" thing. The same woman might actually want it different at different times. Women like variety and get bored with the same routine also.


That’s why I try new things in bed


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## Enigmatic (Jul 16, 2021)

polarbear_75 said:


> Moreover we are very passionate and affectionate and we have a lot of "nonsexual foreplay" in our life, we passionately kiss, we hug, we cuddle, we write each other love notes.


You are being oddly specific in your definition of foreplay. If you kiss passionately at times outside of sex, it may be that she's had her fill of this sort of activity and does not need more and/or does not process it as foreplay. 

Now, if what YOU need is for _her_ to kiss _you_ all over and whisper in your ear, then you should tell her this.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

theloveofmylife said:


> It's not necessarily an "either / or" thing. The same woman might actually want it different at different times. Women like variety and get bored with the same routine also.


Very true. 

However per the OP this has been going on for over 20 years so it's probably pretty safe to say that this is not her thang.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Enigmatic said:


> You are being oddly specific in your definition of foreplay. If you kiss passionately at times outside of sex, it may be that she's had her fill of this sort of activity and does not need more and/or does not process it as foreplay.
> 
> Now, if what YOU need is for _her_ to kiss _you_ all over and whisper in your ear, then you should tell her this.


I said I would so anything for her if I knew she would like it. What else can I do as part of foreplay? She is also not a big fan of oral so giving her oral while I also like is not something she wants for too long. She really like me fingering her, she is very wet even before I start doing it and comes very quickly.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

polarbear_75 said:


> I said I would so anything for her if I knew she would like it. What else can I do as part of foreplay? She is also not a big fan of oral so giving her oral while I also like is not something she wants for too long. She really like me fingering her, she is very wet even before I start doing it and comes very quickly.


Stick with what works. So you go down not as often. Now and then. Make clear to her you enjoy that. mostly fingers. Try a bullet vibe: works wonders!


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

polarbear_75 said:


> So what is it that that I can try as part of foreplay? I cannot really ask her as knowing her she would be defensive and will only hurt us sex life rather than help it. I need to find out this myself.


Try foreplay that is more interactive. Many women get bored and don't know what to do when a guy is kissing them all over. If you're honest with yourself, the foreplay you give is probably more for yourself than her. If she's anything like my wife, she wants more of a rougher, interactive experience.


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## Enigmatic (Jul 16, 2021)

polarbear_75 said:


> She really like me fingering her, she is very wet even before I start doing it and comes very quickly.


So have you tried drawing this out? Teasing her, bringing her close and then backing off? 

What about her breasts? Are her nipples sensitive (in a good way)? 

I think you have to find the things she likes rather than being on focused on what you like to do.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Personal said:



Uh huh, well to be fair, even my wife would find that really boring as well. Seriously there are plenty of women who'd rather file their nails or clean a toilet, versus be softly kissed all over and whispered to (yawn).

Click to expand...

*Yep.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Yep.


giving oral homage, I looked up once, hoping to see the pleasure on her face. Instead, she’s checking her nails! ouch


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Enigmatic said:


> So have you tried drawing this out? Teasing her, bringing her close and then backing off?
> 
> What about her breasts? Are her nipples sensitive (in a good way)?
> 
> I think you have to find the things she likes rather than being on focused on what you like to do.


I tried playing with all parts of her body. She said her boobs are not really sensitive anymore after many years of breastfeeding our kids. They were more sensitive before we had kids.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Mybabysgotit said:


> Try foreplay that is more interactive. Many women get bored and don't know what to do when a guy is kissing them all over. If you're honest with yourself, the foreplay you give is probably more for yourself than her. If she's anything like my wife, she wants more of a rougher, interactive experience.


What's more interactive or rougher foreplay? Can you give me specific clues? We both do not like rough sex, by the way.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

polarbear_75 said:


> I tried playing with all parts of her body. She said her boobs are not really sensitive anymore after many years of breastfeeding our kids. They were more sensitive before we had kids.


Was that long ago, breastfeeding?


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Was that long ago, breastfeeding?


Last kid she stopped breastfeeding about 10 years ago.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

polarbear_75 said:


> Last kid she stopped breastfeeding about 10 years ago.


So sensitivity does not return? My wife’s did.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Longtime Hubby said:


> So sensitivity does not return? My wife’s did.


She said no. I tried many times to play both with her boobs and her nipples, her nipples never get hard even during PIV. Her DD boobs are magnificent though, I wish they were sensitive and I wish her nipples get hard.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

polarbear_75 said:


> She said no. I tried many times to play both with her boobs and her nipples, her nipples never get hard even during PIV. Her DD boobs are magnificent though, I wish they were sensitive and I wish her nipples get hard.


Are her DD boobs real. Because some lose sensitivity with breast implants. Depends on the skill of the doctor.

ETA: Also boobs don't do it for a lot of women.


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

polarbear_75 said:


> The part that disappoints me sexually is that my wife does not seem to like foreplay. From what I know and read women crave foreplay and really need it.


Not necessarily.

Many writers are SELLING contents; this is what they do to make money.



polarbear_75 said:


> She does not openly say she does not like it or she does not want it but when I try foreplay (kiss her softly everywhere, whisper different words), she seems really uninterested and bored and basically hints me to go straight into action (for her it is fingering her).




She is telling you what to do.



polarbear_75 said:


> What could be the reason for this? Am I doing something wrong? We are very affectionate towards each other and kiss, hug every day.


You kind of answered your question.

You two are very affectionate towards each other and kiss, hug every day. This is good enough for her. You do not have to _"kiss her softly everywhere, whisper different words"_ while having sex with her. You are overdoing it.

Based on my experience, it can be helpful to touch your wife around and find 'spots' that stimulate her. Then use these 'spots' to arouse her. These can be her breasts for example.

She might also tell you which 'spots' arouse her or what you should do. Much like your wife.


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## SnakePlissken (10 mo ago)

polarbear_75 said:


> What's more interactive or rougher foreplay? Can you give me specific clues? We both do not like rough sex, by the way.



Roleplay a fantasy, dress up for each other, light bondage (straps or neckties vs. chains and locks) while blind folding her and teasing her, go to a sex shop and pick out toys together to use. Approach arousal areas and take a long time to touch them before moving away quickly from that spot and slowly approaching again....Edging and teasing.Ice cubes or small heating pads on each others bodies instead of hands.

Tossing some non-rough ideas out there for you to ponder.

Your wife has told you what she likes and that may be the limit of it. That doesn't mean you cant ask for things you'd enjoy doing to her. If she is agreeable and not turned off by them, have at it.

You may not get the reaction you want from her doing what YOU want to her, so you will want to manage your ego through them and remember she is allowing you to do something you enjoy more than her. It sounds like there is a specific reaction you want or expect from her during foreplay, which is unrealistic unless you want her to fake it (I wouldn't find that fun authentic pleasure is just the best)


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

polarbear_75 said:


> She said no. I tried many times to play both with her boobs and her nipples, her nipples never get hard even during PIV. Her DD boobs are magnificent though, I wish they were sensitive and I wish her nipples get hard.


 For someone together 20+ years, it is somewhat surprising that the two of you can't communicate better. She likes what she likes and doesn't like other stuff. So accept it and enjoy. Stop obsessing about it, you can make it a problem if you keep that up.

Regarding nipples, Before about age 50 wife loved me playing with them. Then she had a time of about 10 years when she didn't want me touching them during PIV, said the sensation distracted her from concentrating on other sensations. Then after about age 60 she was back to wanting me to touch them and kiss them during PIV, said it "enhanced" her pleasure. She will readily tell me what she wants and what she doesn't as our session progresses. Encourage your wife to do the same.

BTW, what she wants one night she may not be what she wants the next. 

This is just to say that people change what they like and don't like from day to day and year to year. Most important to just communicate with one another. All of the time. Makes life so much easier and stress free. Surely it can't be that difficult after 20+ years together.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Foreplay doesn’t have to “start” in the bedroom, or whatever room. Or even in your house. Sometimes, my husband and I will touch each other when we’re driving somewhere or during a long road trip. It builds anticipation which to me, is what foreplay should be about.

Surprise your wife now and again. Of course, if she hates foreplay of any kind, don’t do it. Foreplay can also be things you say, so flirt with her during the day. Try sexting if you don’t already.

But, if she hates all of these ideas, then just accept the situation and enjoy the moments you do have. 😌


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Anastasia6 said:


> Are her DD boobs real. Because some lose sensitivity with breast implants. Depends on the skill of the doctor.
> 
> ETA: Also boobs don't do it for a lot of women.


Yes, totally natural. She is naturally very beautiful, does not have any artificial stuff. She does not even dye her hair.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

LeGenDary_Man said:


> Based on my experience, it can be helpful to touch your wife around and find 'spots' that stimulate her. Then use these 'spots' to arouse her. These can be her breasts for example.
> 
> She might also tell you which 'spots' arouse her or what you should do. Much like your wife.


I tried for 20+ years and could not find yet these magical "spots'. And believe me I spend a lot of time and effort exploring all parts of her body.She provides no feedback or guidance.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> Foreplay doesn’t have to “start” in the bedroom, or whatever room. Or even in your house. Sometimes, my husband and I will touch each other when we’re driving somewhere or during a long road trip. It builds anticipation which to me, is what foreplay should be about.
> 
> Surprise your wife now and again. Of course, if she hates foreplay of any kind, don’t do it. Foreplay can also be things you say, so flirt with her during the day. Try sexting if you don’t already.
> 
> But, if she hates all of these ideas, then just accept the situation and enjoy the moments you do have. 😌


I agree. We touch each other and kiss many times a day. every time we pas by each other we will not just pass by but kiss or hug at least. Some times i can even put my hand behind her shirt to squeeze gently her boobs or ass. But I would still like really hot foreplay.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

polarbear_75 said:


> I tried for 20+ years and could not find yet these magical "spots'. And believe me I spend a lot of time and effort exploring all parts of her body.She provides no feedback or guidance.


Would it be out of line to just ask her for feedback? Do you ever talk about sex with one another? Is that a taboo subject? Honestly, your story makes me a little sad for you ( and her ). Communication, verbal and non-verbal is essential. Otherwise you are both flying blind so to speak.

Wife met a long time ago, we are great grandparents, but talking "hot" with one another was normal for even us from shortly after we started dating. Before and after we married we spent a lot of time learning what felt good and what didn't because we neither had any prior experience or partners. On-the-job training so to speak.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> giving oral homage, I looked up once, hoping to see the pleasure on her face. Instead, she’s checking her nails! ouch


Then, you're doing it wrong.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> Would it be out of line to just ask her for feedback? Do you ever talk about sex with one another? Is that a taboo subject? Honestly, your story makes me a little sad for you ( and her ). Communication, verbal and non-verbal is essential. Otherwise you are both flying blind so to speak.
> 
> Wife met a long time ago, we are great grandparents, but talking "hot" with one another was normal for even us from shortly after we started dating. Before and after we married we spent a lot of time learning what felt good and what didn't because we neither had any prior experience or partners. On-the-job training so to speak.


If I ask her straight if she likes foreplay or not or worse if I confront her why she does not like it or why is she indifferent to it, this will only make things way worse. She will start thinking there is something wrong with her, she makes me feel bad and worse she will start faking liking foreplay which will be devastating for me. I want us both enjoy our sexual intimacy. We learnt a lot what both of us liked but through exploring each other, no through talk. We and especially she is not really very communicating about her sexual preferences or wants.

I am actually find accepting the fact she does not like foreplay at all. I just want to make sure it is indeed the fact she is not into foreplay and not that I am doing something wrong. As I said I completely understand that some people may like some sexual things and dislike others. I just think that foreplay it is one of those things that most women should like or even need to get aroused and enjoy sex.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

polarbear_75 said:


> I just think that foreplay it is one of those things that *most women* *should like* or even *need* to get aroused and enjoy sex.


Your wife is not "most women". She is your wife, an individual. Everyone is different. I am surprised you haven't had more "push back" from her.

What would you think if she insisted that you, like every man, should like having their nuts squeezed hard? That they need that to become aroused?


polarbear_75 said:


> If I ask her straight if she likes foreplay or not or worse if I confront her why she does not like it or why is she indifferent to it, this will only make things way worse.


I didn't mean to communicate in that way. Of course the result of that kind of confrontational approach isn't going to achieve anything positive.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> Your wife is not "most women". She is your wife, an individual. Everyone is different. I am surprised you haven't had more "push back" from her.


Why would she push back and for what? i never forced her to do anything she is uncomfortable with.



Rus47 said:


> What would you think if she insisted that you, like every man, should like having their nuts squeezed hard? That they need that to become aroused?


This is twisting and exaggeration. I said I understand everyone is different. But if I assume a woman wanted to give her partner a BJ and the partner would refuse, the woman would be right to be surprised (as most men do like BJ) and could think may be he does not like BJ not in general but because she does not do it right. So I don't think it is so outrageous if I want both of us to enjoy foreplay. However I am not looking to force her to like it. I am looking for clues for what else I can try to may be find some foreplay that she will like.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Massage would be one way to discover where she enjoys being touched. My wife's not into typical foreplay either, but enjoys a yoni massage (before) and butt massages (after). Plus kissing and some erotica beforehand occasionally. Definitely a very firm touch if I start that way. 

I think you have to start considering other things you might both enjoy vs hanging on to this one way of thinking about foreplay. Others here have made suggestions in this regard, reread and consider some of those responses OP.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

polarbear_75 said:


> What's more interactive or rougher foreplay? Can you give me specific clues? We both do not like rough sex, by the way.


1. Rough is relative. Being dominant, physically moving her around, taking control of the experience, a light smack on the ass or a little hair pulling in certain positions is usually well received by most women.
2. Kissing her all over and whispering things is not foreplay. It could be, but it’s not necessarily that at all.
Start touching and kissing her in sensitive places (neck back, thighs, etc.). then start using your hands and your mouth more firmly.
The point is escalation, not doing the same gentle, low level stuff the whole time and calling that foreplay.

I think it’s frowned upon to get into much more detail here, but I’m sure there are plenty of resources on the Internet if you’re looking for some step-by-step examples.


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## Enigmatic (Jul 16, 2021)

What about toys, OP? Do you use anything other than your hands/penis with her? 

I asked before about teasing her - bringing her close, then backing off, lather, rinse This can heighten her orgasm.

Surely over 20 years you have some ideas about what she likes.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

polarbear_75 said:


> I agree. We touch each other and kiss many times a day. every time we pas by each other we will not just pass by but kiss or hug at least. Some times i can even put my hand behind her shirt to squeeze gently her boobs or ass. But I would still like really hot foreplay.


Just do all that you want, selfishly a couple times. Then her way a couple times. Blend the two the next couple times. Evaluate and start over.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

I don't mean to make light of this, but your wife doesn't like foreplay?

Sounds like the perfect woman to me!


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

theloveofmylife said:


> Then, you're doing it wrong.


Um, no. She got the Big O that Day. Just takes forever. nail check was 5 minutes in


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

polarbear_75 said:


> *I just think* that foreplay it is one of those things that most women *should* like or even need to get aroused and enjoy sex.



"I JUST THINK"....this is where you are going wrong. You are bent that you know the answer already, when she has given you the answer many times. There are very few things that are a bigger turn off than a woman taking the time to tell her man, precisely, what she likes, wants, needs and desires, and then he completely ignores everything that was just said and does his own thing anyway. It has happened to me before, and I can't tell you how much rage it can illicit. 

If YOU need foreplay, meaning stimulation of your own body or through the exploration of her body, then tell her THAT. Tell her that caressing her, touching her, etc, turns YOU on more than anything else. Tell her how much of a pleasure it is for you to have the honor of doing so....and then ask if that is okay...would it turn her off if you did so? If it's a turn off for her, then the two of you will need to reevaluate your needs and try to figure out how you both can get what you need. But stop thinking along the lines that you know what she should need and that she is incapable of knowing for herself!

If she is okay with you exploring her body for your pleasure/foreplay...do you think she would be horrified to write you a dirty story? I know you said that she is shy about communicating, but maybe she would be willing to communicate if it wasn't face to face. Ask her to write you a story about a 'perfect' sexual encounter, from her perspective, beginning to end. And if she does, study it, reread it, and believe it!

Or if she is too shy to do that, ask her if she reads any kind of erotica. If she does, ask her to share the chapter/story/piece that she goes back to time and time again when she is feeling in that kind of mood. Maybe that would share some insight into what you are missing.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Enigmatic said:


> What about toys, OP? Do you use anything other than your hands/penis with her?
> 
> I asked before about teasing her - bringing her close, then backing off, lather, rinse This can heighten her orgasm.
> 
> Surely over 20 years you have some ideas about what she likes.


We both do not like toys. She never had a vibrator. She does masturbate occasionally that makes me very much excited.

Teasing... I will try. It is very hard though when she is really indifferent.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> "I JUST THINK"....this is where you are going wrong. You are bent that you know the answer already, when she has given you the answer many times. There are very few things that are a bigger turn off than a woman taking the time to tell her man, precisely, what she likes, wants, needs and desires, and then he completely ignores everything that was just said and does his own thing anyway. It has happened to me before, and I can't tell you how much rage it can illicit.
> 
> If YOU need foreplay, meaning stimulation of your own body or through the exploration of her body, then tell her THAT. Tell her that caressing her, touching her, etc, turns YOU on more than anything else. Tell her how much of a pleasure it is for you to have the honor of doing so....and then ask if that is okay...would it turn her off if you did so? If it's a turn off for her, then the two of you will need to reevaluate your needs and try to figure out how you both can get what you need. But stop thinking along the lines that you know what she should need and that she is incapable of knowing for herself!
> 
> ...


Once again, I am not pressuring her and I will never do anything she doesn't like.

She doesn't read erotica unless I ask.ger to read it to me which she always does, she doesn't watch porn unless very rare occasion when I ask her to watch porn together (I don't watch porn myself).

Her response for what she thinks about sex life and if she wants to add anything is that everything is great and she has no suggestions. So based on this it is very hard for me to let her come up with anything new or different.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

drencrom said:


> I don't mean to make light of this, but your wife doesn't like foreplay?
> 
> Sounds like the perfect woman to me!


It is maybe for you but not for me. I consider foreplay one of the most exciting sexual experiences.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

polarbear_75 said:


> It is maybe for you but not for me. I consider foreplay one of the most exciting sexual experiences.


Foreplay = so much fun!


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

polarbear_75 said:


> I tried for 20+ years and could not find yet these magical "spots'. And believe me I spend a lot of time and effort exploring all parts of her body.She provides no feedback or guidance.


How about you give a massage to your wife and see how it goes?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

polarbear_75 said:


> It is maybe for you but not for me. I consider foreplay one of the most exciting sexual experiences.


That's fine, that's what you want. Tell her it's what you want.


polarbear_75 said:


> From what I know and read women crave foreplay and really need it.


All women do not share one brain. Stop pushing your expectations of what she SHOULD do according to some internet dude and talk to HER.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> That's fine, that's what you want. Tell her it's what you want.
> 
> All women do not share one brain. Stop pushing your expectations of what she SHOULD do according to some internet dude and talk to HER.


And minds can change between love making sessions.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

polarbear_75 said:


> What's more interactive or rougher foreplay? Can you give me specific clues? We both do not like rough sex, by the way.


interactive is being intimate together. If you are kissing her all over, or giving her oral, there's not much she can do and some woman don't like that, they don't know what to do; they feel weird. Some woman would rather be engaging with you. My rougher is squeezing a little harder, pulling them in, pulling hair and choking (but not like how you think, it's different, more bringing them in closer) but that's natural for me when I get into it; that' how I get closer. Not so much at first, but if i'm into it, I can get a little rough...a double edged sword.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

polarbear_75 said:


> Once again, I am not pressuring her and I will never do anything she doesn't like.


I think you are likely a very sweet and kind husband. Please don't think I am bashing you. BUT....you are missing the point! The point is, she has already told you that she doesn't want or need it....but it's obvious that YOU do. So, lets work on getting what you need. Explain that part to her. She obviously feels whole and complete and content, she has told you that, believe her. However, you can explain that this is something you would enjoy for your sake, and ask her if she would be willing to participate in letting you have that.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

polarbear_75 said:


> Once again, I am not pressuring her and I will never do anything she doesn't like.
> 
> She doesn't read erotica unless I ask.ger to read it to me which she always does, she doesn't watch porn unless very rare occasion when I ask her to watch porn together (I don't watch porn myself).
> 
> Her response for what she thinks about sex life and if she wants to add anything is that everything is great and she has no suggestions. So based on this it is very hard for me to let her come up with anything new or different.


Then the remaining choice is just give up.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> I think you are likely a very sweet and kind husband. Please don't think I am bashing you. BUT....you are missing the point! The point is, she has already told you that she doesn't want or need it....but it's obvious that YOU do. So, lets work on getting what you need. Explain that part to her. She obviously feels whole and complete and content, she has told you that, believe her. However, you can explain that this is something you would enjoy for your sake, and ask her if she would be willing to participate in letting you have that.


I am not sure 100% she doesn't like foreplay. She never said this or she doesn't give me strong enough feedback to conclude absolutely positively she doesn't like it. For instance we tried once anal and before we event did it we both realized and she told me we do not like it. So I never tried or brought it up again. What I am puzzling is that maybe I am doing something wrong with foreplay or not doing something she likes or may like and she doesn't even know. That's why I am looking for any clues and I am willing to try anything. Moreover what makes me puzzled even more is that as I already mentioned we are very affectionate outside of sex with many kisses, touches, we sleep naked. So she is very comfortable with my physical touch, kisses, touches, etc, which I would expect represents the core of a foreplay.

However if she doesn't like foreplay I will not try it again. I absolutely do not do anything she does not like. I will never enjoy what she doesn't enjoy. Her sexual satisfaction, her orgasms are both my main priority and my own satisfaction.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

polarbear_75 said:


> I am not sure 100% she doesn't like foreplay. She never said this or she doesn't give me strong enough feedback to conclude absolutely positively she doesn't like it. For instance we tried once anal and before we event did it we both realized and she told me we do not like it. So I never tried or brought it up again. What I am puzzling is that maybe I am doing something wrong with foreplay or not doing something she likes or may like and she doesn't even know. That's why I am looking for any clues and I am willing to try anything. Moreover what makes me puzzled even more is that as I already mentioned we are very affectionate outside of sex with many kisses, touches, we sleep naked. So she is very comfortable with my physical touch, kisses, touches, etc, which I would expect represents the core of a foreplay.
> 
> However if she doesn't like foreplay I will not try it again. I absolutely do not do anything she does not like. I will never enjoy what she doesn't enjoy. Her sexual satisfaction, her orgasms are both my main priority and my own satisfaction.


You're just going around in circles vs responding. You should consider some of the replies, take action and come back with an update.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

polarbear_75 said:


> I am not sure 100% she doesn't like foreplay. She never said this or she doesn't give me strong enough feedback to conclude absolutely positively she doesn't like it. For instance we tried once anal and before we event did it we both realized and she told me we do not like it. So I never tried or brought it up again. What I am puzzling is that maybe I am doing something wrong with foreplay or not doing something she likes or may like and she doesn't even know. That's why I am looking for any clues and I am willing to try anything. Moreover what makes me puzzled even more is that as I already mentioned we are very affectionate outside of sex with many kisses, touches, we sleep naked. So she is very comfortable with my physical touch, kisses, touches, etc, which I would expect represents the core of a foreplay.
> 
> However if she doesn't like foreplay I will not try it again. I absolutely do not do anything she does not like. I will never enjoy what she doesn't enjoy. Her sexual satisfaction, her orgasms are both my main priority and my own satisfaction.


Then what is the problem?! You say she is very comfortable with your touch, caresses and so on, which, by your own definition, you feel is the core of foreplay. 

I think you are your own problem. You are imagining that her response SHOULD BE something....I don't know what, but obviously something. Maybe you have read too many bodice ripper erotica stories yourself? Are you wanting her to be more vocal, more swooning, more chest heaving? All of these things are equating to what YOU WANT although you keep saying you want it for her. 

You said she was clear about it, she just wants to get down to brass tacks. But then you seem to also assume she is not speaking up for herself. So until you come to terms with the fact that it is indeed something you are seeking, but don't seem to know what you are seeking, you will be in a perpetual ring of dissatisfaction. 

When we create a scenario to illicit an imagined outcome, but then that outcome doesn't happen, we short ourselves and our partner in so many ways. It's really not fair to your partner, or yourself.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> Then what is the problem?! You say she is very comfortable with your touch, caresses and so on, which, by your own definition, you feel is the core of foreplay.
> 
> I think you are your own problem. You are imagining that her response SHOULD BE something....I don't know what, but obviously something. Maybe you have read too many bodice ripper erotica stories yourself? Are you wanting her to be more vocal, more swooning, more chest heaving? All of these things are equating to what YOU WANT although you keep saying you want it for her.
> 
> ...


The OP should stop watching porn and let his wife enjoy herself.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Thinking too much. just enjoy the ride


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

polarbear_75 said:


> I would do everything for her if I just knew what she wants. However she is not communicating to me. Every time I ask her if she likes what I am doing and if she wants anything else she always responds that everything is perfect and she does not want anything else.
> 
> Just hard for me to accept that foreplay that is tailed for women primarily is closed for us as part of the sex. I read a lot of women complaining about lack of foreplay and here I am willing to do anything for her.


I hope you are not asking while doing it? If you are...STOP it. Take ques from her behavior while doing it. If you are doing oral and she is not into what ever you are doing, change it up....don't ask her about it. If she bucking wildly and you feel like you're gonna get whiplash and have to wrap your arms around her thighs like you are steer wrestling, then you are doing something right. Damn my neck is killing me! 😜

Check out James Black. He is Aussie or Britt. and does something called Don of Desire. Read...never stop researching methods to please your woman. Caitlin V also has some good podcast. You and your wife can thank me later. 😁


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> Then what is the problem?! You say she is very comfortable with your touch, caresses and so on, which, by your own definition, you feel is the core of foreplay.
> 
> I think you are your own problem. You are imagining that her response SHOULD BE something....I don't know what, but obviously something. Maybe you have read too many bodice ripper erotica stories yourself? Are you wanting her to be more vocal, more swooning, more chest heaving? All of these things are equating to what YOU WANT although you keep saying you want it for her.
> 
> ...


Yes, I assume there should be some response from her. Isn't wrong to expect? Would a woman be upset or at least puzzled if she was giving her partner a BJ and is getting no response whatsoever, visual or audible? I think it would be very much understandable if she starts thinking if the partner is indeed enjoying it or if she is doing something wrong.

She is rather responsive when I do other sexual stuff to her. She moans very heavily when I finger her or we do PIV and she comes very loudly and is shaking uncontrollably.


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## polarbear_75 (5 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> The OP should stop watching porn and let his wife enjoy herself.


I do not watch porn. We watch it together very very rarely, maybe once a year.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

No telling what I would give to have your wife post her side of the story on here. lol I don't believe I have anything else that could be helpful for you.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

polarbear_75 said:


> I do not watch porn. We watch it together very very rarely, maybe once a year.


OK, that's fine. But you're placing expectations on her that you got from reading or learning about women. Talk directly to her. We are all individuals and our tastes vary. Especially if she is shy about sex, she may have trouble articulating things. It doesn't mean she isn't happy. She may be rushing because she thinks MEN don't like foreplay and is trying to please YOU. Based on some of the responses on this thread, some don't. I bet if she knows it's what you want, she would be fine with it.


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

polarbear_75 said:


> I have been married for very long time. Overall we have rather happy marriage, we communicate well, we love each other, we do not fight. We both have rather high libido and have rather frequent sex life, at least 4 times a week.
> 
> The part that disappoints me sexually is that my wife does not seem to like foreplay. From what I know and read women crave foreplay and really need it. She does not openly say she does not like it or she does not want it but when I try foreplay (kiss her softly everywhere, whisper different words), she seems really uninterested and bored and basically hints me to go straight into action (for her it is fingering her). I tried everything I could to spike foreplay reaction from her but nothing seems to work. This makes me frustrated as I would really want us to engage in hot steamy foreplay before we move in to actual action. I find her very attractive and show this to her in any possible way.
> 
> What could be the reason for this? Am I doing something wrong? We are very affectionate towards each other and kiss, hug every day.


Both of you stop whining, just do the bunny dance. 4 x a week. Gosh most men get it 1x a week.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

David60525 said:


> Both of you stop whining, just do the bunny dance. 4 x a week. Gosh most men get it 1x a week.


4 times a week, a pace not seen here since 1994-96. Correct, he’d best enjoy the dance and quit complaining. I gotta negotiate when, where and how here. effing ridiculous .

(If 60525 is your ZIP code, we are neighbors)


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> 4 times a week, a pace not seen here since 1994-96. Correct, he’d best enjoy the dance and quit complaining. I gotta negotiate when, where and how here. effing ridiculous .
> 
> (If 60525 is your ZIP code, we are neighbors)


Knock knock....😉


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

CountryMike said:


> Knock knock....😉


that


CountryMike said:


> Knock knock....😉


hmmm


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> that
> 
> hmmm


No, it's not me. We have vastly diff zip codes.

But if you suddenly disappear and david60625 has a new post quoting Hannibal Lechter, we'll send the calvary! 🤣🤣🤣

Or at least a wine recommendation. Maybe chianti with some favas beans?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

CountryMike said:


> No, it's not me. We have vastly diff zip codes.
> 
> But if you suddenly disappear and david60625 has a new post quoting Hannibal Lechter, we'll send the calvary! 🤣🤣🤣
> 
> ...


Love that movie. Won the Oscar. Best Picture.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

polarbear_75 said:


> *It is maybe for you but not for me. *I consider foreplay one of the most exciting sexual experiences.


This right here is exactly what your wife has been telling you for years, yet you refuse to accept that.


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

polarbear_75 said:


> I have been married for very long time. Overall we have rather happy marriage, we communicate well, we love each other, we do not fight. We both have rather high libido and have rather frequent sex life, at least 4 times a week.
> 
> The part that disappoints me sexually is that my wife does not seem to like foreplay. From what I know and read women crave foreplay and really need it. She does not openly say she does not like it or she does not want it but when I try foreplay (kiss her softly everywhere, whisper different words), she seems really uninterested and bored and basically hints me to go straight into action (for her it is fingering her). I tried everything I could to spike foreplay reaction from her but nothing seems to work. This makes me frustrated as I would really want us to engage in hot steamy foreplay before we move in to actual action. I find her very attractive and show this to her in any possible way.
> 
> What could be the reason for this? Am I doing something wrong? We are very affectionate towards each other and kiss, hug every day.


I would have thought that manual sex with your fingers is foreplay.


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> I love my husband and have sex with him frequently. I to mostly don't want to be kissed all over or such. Occasionally sure. But when I"m having sex 5-10 times a week. I don't need the 'slow' build up. I would like a good orgasm. So to me the yeah the fingering or oral or something like that is my foreplay. If we haven't had sex in a long time then sure. Then i need the slow warm up. Then I need the soft stroking or kissing.
> 
> If you have sex frequently then you don't need the slow stuff as much. Or at least for me. Also depends on what's going on. If it's recent and my idea then I"m already turned on. But I"m responsive desire so if it's not my idea then some of the slower foreplay.
> 
> ...


My wife likes me to kiss her neck. I don't know what it does to her but it does.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Tony Conrad said:


> I would have thought that manual sex with your fingers is foreplay.


You are correct


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Without getting too graphic, instead of what you're doing concentrate on her clitoris for foreplay and see if that makes any difference.


Not always. I thought I knew what to do rubbing the clitoris. But after a few months my wife said why can't you go lower?


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

Longtime Hubby said:


> giving oral homage, I looked up once, hoping to see the pleasure on her face. Instead, she’s checking her nails! ouch


At least you get a clear signal. Maybe that path isn't for her.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Wives think we automatically know. each woman is different. ive told mine to tell me with words. Huge change for the better.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Tony Conrad said:


> At least you get a clear signal. Maybe that path isn't for her.


Was one and only time. That dept has improved greatly. She enjoys it a lot now


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Foreplay = so much fun!


Some like the foreplay better than the main thing PIV.


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

polarbear_75 said:


> Yes, I assume there should be some response from her. Isn't wrong to expect? Would a woman be upset or at least puzzled if she was giving her partner a BJ and is getting no response whatsoever, visual or audible? I think it would be very much understandable if she starts thinking if the partner is indeed enjoying it or if she is doing something wrong.
> 
> She is rather responsive when I do other sexual stuff to her. She moans very heavily when I finger her or we do PIV and she comes very loudly and is shaking uncontrollably.


You have a very good sex life by the sound of it. You are doing manual sex (foreplay) which excites her. There isn't any reason to be troubled by the look of it as far as I can see. Preserve what you have.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Tony Conrad said:


> Not always. I thought I knew what to do rubbing the clitoris. But after a few months my wife said why can't you go lower?


So mix it up.


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