# Am I in the wrong?



## RosesWillBloom (Jul 2, 2018)

Okay, so my husband works a part time job but he does get at least 30 hours a week and its a very demanding job. I understand that. However, whenever he comes home, he never helps with the baby (she is 1 year old) and he never helps clean. Today was his day off and I proposed that we go to the library with the baby to let her play with the toys. His reaction was that he didn't want to go anywhere at all. This happens all the time. He never wants to spend some one on one time with me and our daughter. Every single time I ask him to go anywhere, he tells me no but yet he wants to me to run to the store everythime he's hungry or wants something to snack on and he always wants me to take the baby which makes it harder to go to the store and shop. I'm so sick of him not being there for her at all but he thinks I'm in the wrong for feeling the way I do. Am I?


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

He works one part time job and doesn't have time to help with family?

What does he do with all of his time? I work and commute 60 hours a week, and still have time to clean the house, shop for and cook dinner every night, do big projects around the house, AND spend time with my husband.

So, what does he do rather than spend time with you and his child, or clean etc?


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

That's when I did all my errands when he came home from work. I needed a break, he wanted one on one time with them AND I got to do some of the shopping in peace!! I would leave her home with dad. Start with quick trips.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Well, to start with, if he wants something from the store, let him go himself. You don't have to play errand boy all the time.

Why are you married to a man who has no interest in spending time with you or his daughter???? Neglect is a form of abuse, as far as I'm concerned. And it sounds like he doesn't give a good cahoot about anyone other than himself.

However, is it possible that you are exaggerating a bit because you are so angry and frustrated with him? I mean, he NEVER, EVER wants to spend any time together as a family - NEVER???


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Has he always been a lazy guy or is this recent? 

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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

RosesWillBloom said:


> Okay, so my husband works a part time job but he does get at least 30 hours a week and its a very demanding job. I understand that. However, whenever he comes home, he never helps with the baby (she is 1 year old) and he never helps clean. Today was his day off and I proposed that we go to the library with the baby to let her play with the toys. His reaction was that he didn't want to go anywhere at all. This happens all the time. He never wants to spend some one on one time with me and our daughter. Every single time I ask him to go anywhere, he tells me no but yet he wants to me to run to the store everythime he's hungry or wants something to snack on and he always wants me to take the baby which makes it harder to go to the store and shop. I'm so sick of him not being there for her at all but he thinks I'm in the wrong for feeling the way I do. Am I?


 Let me guess.

Mr. Lazy Ass either lays on the couch all night watching ignorant shows and movies while expecting *you* to cater to his worthless ass all night, or he's spending all his extra time playing on his X-Box.

In either event, he's a waste of skin and hair.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Let me guess.
> 
> Mr. Lazy Ass either lays on the couch all night watching ignorant shows and movies while expecting *you* to cater to his worthless ass all night, or he's spending all his extra time playing on his X-Box.
> 
> In either event, he's a waste of skin and hair.




Yep...and same goes for her sex thread. 


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It sounds like he's somewhat lazy in learning the ropes on caring for an infant. There just might me some fear factor in his responses when asked to be responsible for the baby. Or he's a lazy ass at home. Or a mixture. 

Time for a constructive clear talk with him to check all the bases, then insist he give you a break sometime, imho.


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## Shiksagoddess (Jan 20, 2011)

No one is ever wrong for having feelings, only what they do about them.

Before you throw him out with the bathwater (metaphorically speaking), you might want to get him to a doctor for a full physical.

I would start refusing, right now, to run out to the store for snacks. He is a grown-ass man and can feed himself. You don't have to be a ***** about it, but just say "no thanks, honey, you go right ahead." This may take awhile before it sinks in.

I'm not sure what to say about his lack of family enthusiasm. You can't force someone to enjoy family life if they are determined not to. I don't think nagging at him, wanting to talk about it will work either.

Some guys aren't into small children. My first husband was like that until our son was about three or four. I know, it would have been nice to know that ahead of time, but for now, you may just have to enjoy your child without him. 

I'm sorry; being a single parent while you are married sucks.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

I shouldnthave said:


> He works one part time job and doesn't have time to help with family?
> 
> What does he do with all of his time? I work and commute 60 hours a week, and still have time to clean the house, shop for and cook dinner every night, do big projects around the house, AND spend time with my husband.
> 
> So, what does he do rather than spend time with you and his child, or clean etc?


Is he very old like near retirement? Most fathers of little girls will try to spend as much time with them as possible. You are not wrong but you need to find a good time to talk to him and come to some understanding about how you feel. If you delay it will get worse.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Not diminishing H seeming lack of putting you and infant as priorities...
H truly may not "feel" capable of caring for new baby on his own.
I can say when our first was born about 30 yrs ago....I myself had to learn I was capable of being on my own time to time with an infant. My W was primary as you might expect, for a while.

But by our second, I was an old hand at it. 😊


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## MZMEE (Apr 17, 2018)

It sounds like he has a marred vision of what a wife is. Have you ever discussed with him how it makes you feel when he behaves this way? I mean really say to him "Babe it makes me feel XYZ when I ask you to go somehwere and you always say no. How do you suggest we change this?"

See oftentimes couples don't start discussing things until their frustration is high or they are emotional and then it comes out as attack instead of resolve. Obviously there is an underlying issue that he is refusing to discuss with you. YOu also need to discuss both of your expectations. Did all of this start the minute the baby came? If so, then most likely he is having a hard time coping with the challenges of a baby. Many men do. they get bothered by the fact activities are no longer you and him or dealing with the interruptions a baby can cause during activities. So the first response is....avoidance. Not good.

Another reason may be just capability. Maybe he really doesn't know how to be a father. He may be afraid to handle the baby without you.

All of this needs to be discussed. Tell him how you are feeling and ask him how he is feeling. If you need to go to counseling...do it. Becoming parents is a huge adjustment and if both parents aren't ready, then one of you will end up carrying the load and it looks like it is you.

good luck.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Sounds like you married a man child. 

Poor you. There isn’t a thing you can do until he grows up. By then he will be tired of you and trade to a newer model. Reason being all the bickering between now and then.


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## bluelily (Jul 10, 2018)

How old are you 2? Sounds like a young guy
And no, you're not in the wrong


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## Randy Lafever (Jul 8, 2018)

It's possible he hasn't bonded with the child. Mothers do this so naturally they don't really understand that for the fathers it takes actual effort on his part.

And if they haven't bonded, there's a real good chance the child becomes inconsolable the second it realizes Mom isn't nearby. 

As for the general laziness of the other stuff, I get it. I work a very strenuous job and have back pain every minute of every day. The only place I can feel physically comfortable in sitting in one particular chair.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As I've said countless times on here, it's well beyond time for a "Come-to-Jesus Meeting!"

Don't be shy ~ Knock his a$$ out ~ there's absolutely no excuse for a "loving husband" even remotely treating his wife that way!*


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Op hasn’t been back to respond to this thread or the other. 


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## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

Tell him to buy his own damn snacks. He works 30 hours a week is he for real??


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## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

You nip this in the bud, now.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Between your two threads, you describe a guy who is incredibly lazy, selfish, and goes through life doing the absolute bare minimum that he can get away with.

And you let him get away with it.

He objectifies you, and you let him get away with that too.

It sounds like you are both quite young, so I know you don't see the severity of this situation. I know you're looking at it as him being your husband, so you are looking for some advice to make the situation better. But there are no magic words anyone can give you because there's no cure for this type of guy. You have made a terrible mistake in marrying him. You're young, and some guy paid you some attention, so you thought you had a boyfriend and that was all that mattered. You didn't know the kind of guy to look for. Or, at least, you didn't know the undesirable traits to look out for and stay away from. I'm guessing you got pregnant and marriage sounded like a good idea. Or, you got pregnant to get him to marry you. However it went, you now see that it was a mistake. 

I made a similar mistake in my first marriage. I got pregnant at 17 and thought we should get married. Or rather, it was more like a shotgun wedding with my mother holding the gun to MY head. I was game for it, but she meant business whether I liked the idea or not. Nevertheless, it was a mistake, and I left him after 2 years. My ex wasn't nearly as bad as your guy. He had a very good job. He spent time with me and the baby, and he also helped me take care of the baby. I never had to ask. But, it was a mistake nonetheless because we were from very different sides of the tracks so to speak. He wasn't nearly as awful as your guy, but I was too young to know how to scrutinze a guy, what to look out for, and what to stay away from. I knew to stay away from an addict or alcoholic, but I learned there was an awful lot in terms of differences that I didn't know about. So I couldn't love him, and, therefore, I couldn't stay with him. But your guy??? I would never have been with him at all. I knew enough to stay away from a guy like him.

You are young, so you have plenty of time to get your own act together. It sounds like you are a SAHM, so use that time to get an education of some kind so that you can take care of yourself and your little one on your own and don't have to depend on a man. When you have to depend on a man, this is the kind of slavery you have to tolerate because you can't walk out the door. So don't let this be your life for the rest of your life. Do better than this. Make a better way for your child.

I bet he's the kind of arsehole that will try to prevent you from bettering yourself so that you can never leave him. Don't let him place you in any more trick bags. He will use and abuse you for as long as you there allowing him to use and abuse you. Be determined to either leave him or get your education.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

StarFires said:


> Between your two threads, you describe a guy who is incredibly lazy, selfish, and goes through life doing the absolute bare minimum that he can get away with.
> 
> And you let him get away with it.
> 
> ...




Most excellent post 


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## Ab10lah (Jul 1, 2018)

Sounds like a horrible situation you're in. Try to listen to the previous posters about bettering your own life. Get some education, or more if you already have a university degree.

I doubt a man such as this will change without a lot of help from counselling, because this is who he is. He probably had a poor upbringing and had an uncaring/deadbeat dad as a role model. He probably saw his mum being treated this way and lived with it. Most likely one of the husbands who believe their job ends at providing...

If he's as bad as you described, talking to him will not achieve anything...he's too messed up to figure out basic human relations. So try to fix yourself emotionally, and stop letting his bad attitude get at you, if you still want to be married to him.


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## Rasputin (Jul 26, 2015)

RosesWillBloom said:


> Okay, so my husband works a part time job but he does get at least 30 hours a week and its a very demanding job. I understand that. However, whenever he comes home, he never helps with the baby (she is 1 year old) and he never helps clean. Today was his day off and I proposed that we go to the library with the baby to let her play with the toys. His reaction was that he didn't want to go anywhere at all. This happens all the time. He never wants to spend some one on one time with me and our daughter. Every single time I ask him to go anywhere, he tells me no but yet he wants to me to run to the store everythime he's hungry or wants something to snack on and he always wants me to take the baby which makes it harder to go to the store and shop. I'm so sick of him not being there for her at all but he thinks I'm in the wrong for feeling the way I do. Am I?


These posts make me so angry. I work full time and make a significant income, thus my wife is a SAHM. I still clean, take care of the kids, get the groceries, maintain the house, yard and vehicles, etc etc. Your husband is a joke. Sorry.


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