# Young Sexless Married Couple. What do I do?



## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

Hello everyone and thank you for taking the time to read my personal problems!

So, honestly, I don't know what to do and I would just like a piece of advice if possible… I have been in a relationship for 4 years and married for 2 years. I'm really happy with him, he's a simple, smart, funny man and he has money! A jackpot for me! And I would do anything to stay with him!
But since our wedding and since we live got together (2 years) our sex life has completely stopped. In the beginning, I hadn't really paid attention. But little by little I realized that he would actually never initiate sex and that the only times we do have sex it was on my initiative. I am only 24 years old, I believe I'm pretty, attractive and I take care of myself. At first, I started dressing more in the house, getting more sexy outfits but nothing from him ...
It made me extremely sad at first and I thought he was no longer attracted to me.

So I started to express my feelings to him several times, at the beginning, he will always find excuses such as; work, or the proteins he was taking, or even stress. Which I thought to be true, and I was patient. I waited but months went by and we still have the same situation. 

And so, I asked him again not long time ago and this time he told me something I found disturbing.
He told me "sex is a tool for me, it's not fun anymore. I have my orgasm, you have yours and that's it. It doesn't interest me anymore. Just thinking about having sex for hours makes me tired."

I thought what he said was sad and also I thought myself, so this is what is gonna be for the rest of my life? No more sex and if so, it will be 5min so we can both get our orgasm? 
Sometimes I feel like we are an old couple but we've only been married for 2 years and it's already like that. I'm pretty sure even old couples still have a busy sex life than us.
But, the truth is, I'm young, I have all my energy and I just want to enjoy it with my husband!

So my question would be; Is it normal for a 31-year-old man to no longer be interested in sex? Do you think there is something else?
Personally, I can't understand him at all, I don't know what to do.

Sorry to bring you into my personal problems but honestly I don't know who to turn to.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Snoopy2 said:


> And I would do anything to stay with him!


If you find yourself married to a man who doesn't want to have sex with you, and sharing a sex life matters to you. The best advice you can possibly get, is to divorce him and find a man who wants to have sex with you.

Although given what I have quoted below. If that is true, then all you are left with is sucking it up and carrying on with someone who is loathe to have sex with you. 



Snoopy2 said:


> And I would do anything to stay with him!


That said good luck.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

You should also consider the next 20 years, then the next twenty after that of things getting worse.

So if wasting your life, being married to someone for decades on end, who doesn't want to have sex with you, is your thing do carry on. On the other hand if it isn't, do yourself a favour and let him go.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

east answer is it is not normal , but what is normal , happy life with no bumps is not normal you put a very full post your say a lot of nice things about the guy he seems to be good to you in every other way , how much you are happy to sell out a sex life is what will make this work 
now my first question is what was he like before , 
do you know was he a virgin 
were you a virgin 
you say everything other is good is this affecting you and your marriage in other ways 
is he happy staying as he is or what is he thoughts on fixing it 
there is a name for what the guy has I just can't think of it and as far as i can think what he told you is true he does not need sex in his life now does he know what it is like for you to need sex that is another matter 
is he good to talk about himself and how he feels on all sides of your relationship 
and how much does he want you in his life apart from sex 
is he happy if you had a sex friend or some type other person to fill the gap


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Snoopy2 said:


> So my question would be; Is it normal for a 31-year-old man to no longer be interested in sex?


He sounds like a dud.


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

Snoopy2 said:


> Hello everyone and thank you for taking the time to read my personal problems!
> 
> So, honestly, I don't know what to do and I would just like a piece of advice if possible… I have been in a relationship for 4 years and married for 2 years. I'm really happy with him, he's a simple, smart, funny man and he has money! A jackpot for me! And I would do anything to stay with him!
> But since our wedding and since we live got together (2 years) our sex life has completely stopped. In the beginning, I hadn't really paid attention. But little by little I realized that he would actually never initiate sex and that the only times we do have sex it was on my initiative. I am only 24 years old, I believe I'm pretty, attractive and I take care of myself. At first, I started dressing more in the house, getting more sexy outfits but nothing from him ...
> ...


I'm sorry you are here. I'll try to answer your questions:
This is going to be for the rest of your life if your husband doesn't change his attitude to sex. Sex is not only about having an orgasm; it's the whole process leading to orgasm, which allows the couple to bond and connect emotionally. Sex bring a couple together in a way that everyday life activities or time spent together doesn't. Emotional connection will be soon non-existent if you lead a sexless life. Have you explained this to your husband when he told you that sex is a tool for him?

Can you ask him to go with you and meet with a sex therapist or a marriage counselor to let him know that he is in the wrong in thinking that sex is just a tool. If he refuses, then you can't do anything about it.

You also ask if there is something else. What are the possibilities? Porn addiction or cheating with someone else. Have you noticed anything that makes you believe he might be cheating? Don't ask him these questions, because even if he does, he will deny it. Investigate yourself. Look at his browsing history, look at the phone bill, look at his credit card statements or bank account statements.
If he keeps insisting that sex is just a tool for him and he refuses to seek change, then as others have said: either a sexless life or divorce. 
Good luck!


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

has he ever talked to a doctor about this , have yoou tried to talk to a dr ,
did he ever get tested for a Hormonal imbalances 
is he fit or Sometimes a healthier focus on diet and exercise can naturally increase libido.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

does your husband want Physical Intimacy: touching, hugging, kissing, cuddling, holding, embracing, massages, what makes him hard does he get hard in the morning does he get anything out of romantic things does he like to dance go for walks or dinners out or what type movies is he into


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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

You are a man or a woman ?


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Snoopy2 said:


> And so, I asked him again not long time ago and this time he told me something I found disturbing.
> He told me "sex is a tool for me, it's not fun anymore. I have my orgasm, you have yours and that's it. It doesn't interest me anymore. *Just thinking about having sex for hours makes me tired."*


What does he mean about the part in bold? Did you generally have sex for hours? Is this an expectation of yours or something?


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## ISeekSolace (Apr 14, 2021)

It is certainly not normal. I refrain from having sex with my wife because she is a bully and abusive towards me but generally I love sex and everything that comes with it.

It looks like he really lost interest the desire for having sex and he sees sex just as another mundane activity and that is sad, indeed and I feel sorry for both of you.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Keep in mind that many people come through here with your exact issue.

The usual outcome is they never get the sex life they want no matter how much effort they put into it. It would be best if you can decide early on in life if that is a marriage breaker for you.
You can think about it, analyze it, read 100 books, beg, plead, cry, and verbally demand but in the end ..... not much will change.
Some divorce, some stay miserable, some actually believe their partner will change (insert eye roll).

Decide .... then act. Don’t wallow in it.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Ask your husband if he’s willing to go to the doctor and get a complete physical, including lab work. He needs to have his testosterone levels checked. That may not be the answer, but if it is, then testosterone injections would certainly be a game changer for both of you.

When you say that your sex life has completely stopped, do you mean that you have sex infrequently or do you mean that you’re not having sex at all? If so, how long has it been since you and he have been intimate? Do you ever kiss, hug, or hold hands? Do you and he spoon in bed or does he hug the side of the bed, keeping as much physical distance between you as possible? When you try to talk to him about how the lack of intimacy makes you feel, does he become angry, defensive, hostile, or withdrawn?

If his lack of desire stems from a testosterone deficiency, then with treatment, there is hope. But, if it’s something deeper or if he is simply asexual, you’re going to need to make some hard decisions. You’re only 24 years old, the chances of you having a happy and fulfilling life with your husband, if this issue is not resolved, is slim to none.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

This is very sad, you’re 24, you deserve more.

Something is wrong with him, please don’t do this to yourself, end this now. I am sure you’ve been grieving for years, you’ve been through the worst.

Don’t keep this secret either, tell your friends and family, it will help you to move on.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

you have asked for advice on a public forum , , 
any advice handed out is given freely and to help you some will be good some will be bad and some just like the people looking at a car crash ,
there are so many people that will come here and be judge and jury over your life , telling you what you should do in your life judging you with there cards not your because they don't know you they don't know what your needs are and they don't know what you or your life could be like , 

this man is sick it is both your responsibility to find a way to live with this sickness and find a way to help him 
you can run away , you can put all the responsibility on him , 
you need to read what you posted most topics on here have the answer in the opening post , 
i will not read it the way it looks to me it is your story , only you know if you have the balls to do the best thing and live by the engagement you made the day you got married


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Does he watch porn?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

frenchpaddy said:


> only you know if you have the balls to do the best thing and live by the engagement you made the day you got married


Horse piss ..... no person signs up to feel unloved and unwanted in their marriage.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Horse piss ..... no person signs up to feel unloved and unwanted in their marriage.


 the guy is sick if he does nothing about it then I would help her to pack her bags and get the feck out


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

frenchpaddy said:


> the guy is sick if he does nothing about it then I would help her to pack her bags and get the feck out


My apologies. We are probably “lost in translation”


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Its really tough to answer these questions and diagnose someone's issues in this way...

Porn, low test, the guy is sick,.....blah, blah, blah.....its the same crap every time

We don't know what's going on in this guys head and it's tiresome to hear all the people who think that a man with a penis should perform under any condition, providing there is a female in the premises.. It's ludicrous..I breed animals with teeny brains and they don't even act that way....expect the most advanced species in the world to? C'mon man..

Without knowing what the real conditions are makes it very tough....She will paint a picture that everything is just perfect with her and everything else(even though it may very well not be) and he will probably lie to her when she asks the reason's why...and she is running to the bank with that lie..

Guys are notorious for lying to women about these things...It's not their fault, really, we have been programmed from very early in life, that you can't insult a woman or hurt her feelings in any way, particularly in these sensitive areas.....I mean, it could be something about her hygiene or grooming habits that turns him off...He never is gonna say something to her about it, but who knows.?


I am not trying to place blame on anyone here...For all we know this guy is a closet homosexual that tricked her....All I am saying is that perhaps people need to be more honest and take a more pragmatic approach and evaluate all of the conditions..Saying "guy A wont eff me, wtf is wrong with him"? won't get you anything but the standard canned answers that you are seeing people give in threads like this...I know they are trying to help, but I doubt it's all that simple in most of these cases, and we aren't getting all the details..


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

hamadryad said:


> Its really tough to answer these questions and diagnose someone's issues in this way...
> 
> Porn, low test, the guy is sick,.....blah, blah, blah.....its the same crap every time
> 
> ...


The reason people suggest these things is that they often are the cause of lack of interest in sex with the spouse. Its helpful to exclude things.

Please feel free to ask her about her grooming habits if you think that would be helpful. Remember he married her only 2 years ago so presumably he liked her then.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> The reason people suggest these things is that they often are the cause of lack of interest in sex with the spouse. Its helpful to exclude things.
> 
> Please feel free to ask her about her grooming habits if you think that would be helpful. Remember he married her only 2 years ago so presumably he liked her then.


No...its like porn....Porn often isn't _the cause_, but it becomes _the coping mechanism_... At that point, knowing that there is porn use does nothing towards addressing the root cause of the desertion...All it does is send you on a wild goose chase that leads to nowhere.. Same with low T....What a lot of people don't know or realize is that a guy with low T doesn't then automatically go after someone he abandoned(for some other reason) after treatment...What it more than likely does in that case is make him more likely to go after someone else..In other words, be careful what you wish for..

But people like yourself and others, just assume that it's the reason, without knowing the root cause...

No disrespect, but not only do you have a religious bias, you are also not a man...There is a lot you will never know, nor fully understand about this topic, and can't even begin to conceptualize..That's not to be taken as a knock, guys don't know shyt all about what makes most women tick either, me included...I don't claim to know everything either, but at least i can be objective enough to know about how the mind of a lot of guys work and not just parrot the same bull crap that constantly comes up...

And no...even on an anonymous site, I wouldn't ask her about those things...For one, I wouldn't expect an honest answer anyway, and I wouldn't want to embarrass or humiliate her either, even though we are all just bots here..


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Have you ever heard the term "beard?"

You're likely a beard.

That's when closeted gay men marry a woman to prove to the world (and maybe even to themselves) that they're hetero and not gay. Of course, they kind of fall short when it comes to the sex part once they've got their beard locked into position.

Be done with this clown.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> Porn, low test, the guy is sick,.....blah, blah, blah.....its the same crap every time


You forgot “He’s a dud.” That is my go to!


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> You forgot “He’s a dud.” That is my go to!


oh...and "he must be gay"......

Oh wait...someone already suggested that..... 😂


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I mean I agree that it’s hard for me as a man to even conceive of this. I am the stereotypical man chasing his wife around for sex.

The reason I often diagnose “dud” is if the wife has already confronted, sometimes multiple times, and the guy doesn’t make an effort.

If you’re not even trying then that’s pretty dud like. She’s lighting the wick and nothing is firing off. I mean the OP is 24 and right in her prime and she’s wasting it on a dud!


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Snoopy2 said:


> Is it normal for a 31-year-old man to no longer be interested in sex? Do you think there is something else?


No, and yes. Doctor needed. ASAP.
If doc says nothing, Lawyer needed.

There are two major reasons why 31-year-old men say "not interested" in sex. One and 1/2 of them is a physical reason Man feels unable to "perform" adequately to satisfy his partner. This usually has a physical root in a 31 year old. Hence 1-1/2.

Faulty education about sex causes it, too. Porn. Frequent masturbation. Unrealistic expectations of himself based upon lies learned as a teenager.

The 1/2 reason is that he, for reasons having nothing to do with his partner, isn't attracted to his partner. Another partner.... or maybe gay.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Interesting. He's not very interested in sex so multiple people are calling him a DUD.

Yet when a man presents with a wife who isn't interested in sex everyone piles on with advice about how he needs to jump through hoops, turn himself into a pretzel, and make sure she has a perfect, romanced, stress free life so she'll finally want sex with him.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> I mean I agree that it’s hard for me as a man to even conceive of this. I am the stereotypical man chasing his wife around for sex.
> 
> The reason I often diagnose “dud” is if the wife has already confronted, sometimes multiple times, and the guy doesn’t make an effort.
> 
> If you’re not even trying then that’s pretty dud like. She’s lighting the wick and nothing is firing off. I mean the OP is 24 and right in her prime and she’s wasting it on a dud!


I think there is a spectrum here, at least in my experience...

I have known guys who would literally screw a rotting corpse of a woman...These guys can absolutely despise their wives/gf's yet still expect sex with them...

Then there are other guys that even though they are high drive, can be turned off pretty readily by a variety of stimuli...These guys are "functionally" fine on all levels, but for whatever reason, they abandoned that particular woman...Could be a variety of reasons, but the bottom line is that the impetus they once had is now gone...

One of my best friends is now divorced...His own wife confided to me that he never touched her..Now that he's been divorced he has enjoyed a great sex life, according to him and I see no reason why he would lie....So was this guy a "dud",.,,,Probably not..

That's why I think it's important to consider these other conditions...To just assume that all men are automatons when it comes to sex is a bad way to approach it, and often leads to frustration..


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Interesting. He's not very interested in sex so multiple people are calling him a DUD.
> 
> Yet when a man presents with a wife who isn't interested in sex everyone piles on with advice about how he needs to jump through hoops, turn himself into a pretzel, and make sure she has a perfect, romanced, stress free life so she'll finally want sex with him.


Well said..

I really wish there was a "love post" option instead of just "like"..


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

hamadryad said:


> I think there is a spectrum here, at least in my experience...
> 
> I have known guys who would literally screw a rotting corpse of a woman...These guys can absolutely despise their wives/gf's yet still expect sex with them...
> 
> ...


I think that kind of thing happens with both sexes after divorce. You also hear about the women who never wanted sex now will do all kinds of wild things with their new partner\spouse they never did before.

I guess everyone can change?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Interesting. He's not very interested in sex so multiple people are calling him a DUD.
> 
> Yet when a man presents with a wife who isn't interested in sex everyone piles on with advice about how he needs to jump through hoops, turn himself into a pretzel, and make sure she has a perfect, romanced, stress free life so she'll finally want sex with him.


The stereotypes exist for a reason. Lots of observation over time. Sure there are outliers but in aggregate patterns emerge.

Look the women on here who consider themselves fairly sexual or highly sexual and are thinking the scale tops out below every day.

Despite some folks efforts to the contrary, women and men have important physiological differences and as a population often behave differently.

They also have different value on the dating market as has been discussed many times here, and the parameter space of that value for an individual depends on different factors at different times.

Here we have a young lady at 24 who has her whole life ahead of her and is trying to sort out a dud husband that she can probably without a ton of effort replace with non-dud suitor(s). When does the sink cost fallacy sink in for someone that young with no kids? Not long.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> Then there are other guys that even though they are high drive, can be turned off pretty readily by a variety of stimuli...These guys are "functionally" fine on all levels, but for whatever reason, they abandoned that particular woman...Could be a variety of reasons, but the bottom line is that the impetus they once had is now gone...


This is a rebranding of LL4U to “DUD4U”. Sure I guess for a guy his wife can seem like someone he doesn’t want to have sex with, but in that case what is the remedy for her? Seriously I haven’t read any literature on this at all.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

hamadryad said:


> I think there is a spectrum here, at least in my experience...
> 
> I have known guys who would literally screw a rotting corpse of a woman...These guys can absolutely despise their wives/gf's yet still expect sex with them...
> 
> ...


So then, what was the reason he never touched her? That reason may help the OP rather than arguing against some of the other possible reasons given her (which are all valid -- yours are too -- there may be something offensive to him about her).


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> This is a rebranding of LL4U to “DUD4U”. Sure I guess for a guy his wife can seem like someone he doesn’t want to have sex with, but in that case what is the remedy for her? Seriously I haven’t read any literature on this at all.



I know nothing about it either and never heard of those acronyms as well....

I know this is probably an unpopular opinion, but I think a lot may have to do with genetic diversity during propagation of the species...Perhaps it's something that is inherent in all of us...some just have a better job suppressing it...


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> So then, what was the reason he never touched her? That reason may help the OP rather than arguing against some of the other possible reasons given her (which are all valid -- yours are too -- there may be something offensive to him about her).


I'm not arguing against it, if it came across that way it was unintentional.. I only suggest that it's not as cut and dried as people think it is, judging by the same basic answers whenever these threads come up.....

As for my buddy, I never asked him, but my guess is she was a domineering type and he probably preferred a woman that was more demure and less dominant.. But unfortunately, I really don't know the answer..just a guess...


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I agree -- I think with these situations it is rarely a ONE REASON issue.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> I know nothing about it either and never heard of those acronyms as well....


LL4U = low libido for you

The implication is that the recipient has a normal desire but not for their current partner.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> Its really tough to answer these questions and diagnose someone's issues in this way...
> 
> Porn, low test, the guy is sick,.....blah, blah, blah.....its the same crap every time
> 
> ...


you have said a lot in this post


Diana7 said:


> The reason people suggest these things is that they often are the cause of lack of interest in sex with the spouse. Its helpful to exclude things.
> 
> Please feel free to ask her about her grooming habits if you think that would be helpful. Remember he married her only 2 years ago so presumably he liked her then.


i suspect he is one gay or 2 has a strange mental block that makes him not able have a sexual relationship with any person man or woman , but the op has not given us any feedback so who cares


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

hamadryad said:


> No...its like porn....Porn often isn't _the cause_, but it becomes _the coping mechanism_... At that point, knowing that there is porn use does nothing towards addressing the root cause of the desertion...All it does is send you on a wild goose chase that leads to nowhere.. Same with low T....What a lot of people don't know or realize is that a guy with low T doesn't then automatically go after someone he abandoned(for some other reason) after treatment...What it more than likely does in that case is make him more likely to go after someone else..In other words, be careful what you wish for..
> 
> But people like yourself and others, just assume that it's the reason, without knowing the root cause...
> 
> ...


Porn use very much can be the cause of a spouse not wanting sex with their partner. We have even seen this here on TAM quite a few times.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Porn use very much can be the cause of a spouse not wanting sex with their partner. We have even seen this here on TAM quite a few times.


True.

But the flip side is sometimes the spouse ruins it all and then someone isn't even interested in porn or self-care anymore. That happened to a friend


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Turn on some gay porn while you and he are sitting around doing nothing, and see if he has an erection. Otherwise, it's critically important that you have his testosterone level checked. If he is fully vaccinated at his age, his T level can be extremely low. The only long-term solution is supplementation. If he's gay, the only solution is -- a guy.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Sfort said:


> Turn on some gay porn while you and he are sitting around doing nothing, and see if he has an erection. Otherwise, it's critically important that you have his testosterone level checked. If he is fully vaccinated at his age, his T level can be extremely low. The only long-term solution is supplementation. If he's gay, the only solution is -- a guy.


IF HE IS GAY and hiding it he chances are he will say them dirty bla bla bla and turn it off


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

Low T? Depression? In the closet? Dissatisfaction in the relationship on some deeper level? There could be a variety of factors. It’s unusual for a 31 year old man to have no interest in sex.

His words are kind of strange about sex being a tool. It makes it sound like he didn’t care about making you feel good. For me the best part about sex is getting my wife off. It’s easy for me to get off, I’m more focused on making her feel good. He sounds selfish tbh.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Livvie said:


> Interesting. He's not very interested in sex so multiple people are calling him a DUD.
> 
> Yet when a man presents with a wife who isn't interested in sex everyone piles on with advice about how he needs to jump through hoops, turn himself into a pretzel, and make sure she has a perfect, romanced, stress free life so she'll finally want sex with him.


Not my kind of advice 😳


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## TurnedTurtle (May 15, 2019)

He could just be ace (asexual).


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Continuing on like this, the constant rejection will utterly destroy your confidence and self-esteem. So, if you don't see notable progress in short order, you may have to rethink the relationship. 

All we can do is speculate. Most of the common culprits have already been named. I'd look into all of them.

I'd also consider the idea that sex has become routine and possibly just plain boring between the two of you. Not judging you. It does take two after all. Just saying, it happens. When sex feels like a chore, it tends to be because it's not very exciting or too vanilla, as they say. 

It could also be a lack of emotional connection in and out of the bedroom. Check in with each other about all aspects of your relationship.

There are also some men who prefer to do the chasing rather than being chased. Is he a masculine man? If so, be sure he feels like one. Flirt, tease, but let him make the actual moves, IOW let him think it's his idea.


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

fluffycoco said:


> You are a man or a woman ?


I am a woman


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

Enigma32 said:


> What does he mean about the part in bold? Did you generally have sex for hours? Is this an expectation of yours or something?


No, because the only time we do have sex it's no more than 5min. So I asked him, we should maybe make some changes or try new stuff... But that was his answer.


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Keep in mind that many people come through here with your exact issue.
> 
> The usual outcome is they never get the sex life they want no matter how much effort they put into it. It would be best if you can decide early on in life if that is a marriage breaker for you.
> You can think about it, analyze it, read 100 books, beg, plead, cry, and verbally demand but in the end ..... not much will change.
> ...


It's hard. I committed to him and everything else's is great but I just feel lonely in our bed.


hamadryad said:


> Its really tough to answer these questions and diagnose someone's issues in this way...
> 
> Porn, low test, the guy is sick,.....blah, blah, blah.....its the same crap every time
> 
> ...


Thank you for this answer,

I am also trying to figure out any other way. It's complicated and hard to give all the necessary details in one post. But I am not perfect of course and I always ask him to tell me if there something he doesn't like about me... And we've been pretty honest with each other. I have problems with my behavior too (but nothing unusual, just women stuff), which he told me and I try to work on it. But for our sex life, I don't know how I could make it better. I really tried everything but last time when he told me sex was just a tool I thought he was giving me his truth. So that's why I was kind of a surprised and distracted by it... And that's why my question was, is it normal? Do guys have that after a while? Is it because of our routine? Do you think men should have another woman in order to be happier? I don't know! I'm trying to understand man and masculinity too.


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Have you ever heard the term "beard?"
> 
> You're likely a beard.
> 
> ...


Don't call my husband a clown! No, definitely not gay. The way he looked at my ass when we first hang out is not gay. 😂 Thank you for your answer though.


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

Snoopy2 said:


> It's hard. I committed to him and everything else's is great but I just feel lonely in our bed.
> 
> Thank you for this answer,
> 
> I am also trying to figure out any other way. It's complicated and hard to give all the necessary details in one post. But I am not perfect of course and I always ask him to tell me if there something he doesn't like about me... And we've been pretty honest with each other. I have problems with my behavior too, which he told me and I try to work on it. But for our sex life, I don't know how I could make it better. I really tried everything but last time when he told me sex was just a tool I thought he was giving me his truth. So that's why I was kind of a surprised and distracted by it... And that's why my question was, is it normal? Do guys have that after a while? Is it because of our routine? Do you think men should have another woman in order to be happier? I don't know! I'm trying to understand man and masculinity too.


I’ve had similar issues to you in my marriage. Except I’m the man and my wife is the one with the low interest. Now granted she had a baby last year as well as some personal issues that have been tough. But even before then. I think we are just different sexually. She is fine with just missionary and getting off and done in 10-15 mins, she never wants it rough and I guess is what you would call a “pillow princess”. My appetites are different. I’d prefer more oral both giving/receiving, different positions, maybe kinkier and rougher at times, dirty talk, longer sessions. She doesn’t really like to do those things. So really I just have to accept it for what it is. We get along fine for the most part so I’m not sure I see the worth of leaving for someone else just to get my rocks off better.

She did do more when we were first dating. I don’t know if it was because she was more willing to follow my lead then or what. I feel like she’s always had a tendency to do what the guy wants so they think she’s sexy. At times it feels like it was a bit of a bait and switch. But the personal and emotional aspect of the relationship was better than any I’d ever been in before. I’ve had relationships that were terrible in that regard but the sex was great. So I guess I took the plus with the minus.


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> I'm not arguing against it, if it came across that way it was unintentional.. I only suggest that it's not as cut and dried as people think it is, judging by the same basic answers whenever these threads come up.....
> 
> As for my buddy, I never asked him, but my guess is she was a domineering type and he probably preferred a woman that was more demure and less dominant.. But unfortunately, I really don't know the answer..just a guess...


My husband is I believe very masculine, and I am a very feminine woman. I fully accept my femininity and I submit to him very easily (mostly because he leads me to it in a very masculine attractive way). And he loves that about me! He told me that many times, he loves my femininity, my energy and I think I'm pretty easygoing... Well, I think 😂. Of course, I can be emotional sometimes but I can still manage it pretty well. That is why I'm trying here to understand from a man and masculinity perspective how can this be an issue when we do have a masculine and a feminine woman which is doing pretty good in terms of life in general but yet, nothing is happening in the bedroom... lol. And also, if it is me, how can I make it better?


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> east answer is it is not normal , but what is normal , happy life with no bumps is not normal you put a very full post your say a lot of nice things about the guy he seems to be good to you in every other way , how much you are happy to sell out a sex life is what will make this work
> now my first question is what was he like before ,
> do you know was he a virgin
> were you a virgin
> ...


That's the thing is that before we lived together it was perfect! I mean, everything is perfect when you start dating of course and I'm not hoping to get this back but he would at least show me his interest in me. And I think that is mostly what it's bothering me here it's not even about the sex, it's him being attracted to me, touching me, women can feel when a man wants them and that is the most satisfying feeling you can get from you husband. I never get this anymore, and I feel just like a roommate. We kiss, we hug on daily basis but there is no sensual/sexual connexion anymore and that's mostly what I'm lacking. 
But for him, I don't know what he really thinks about it because he never talks about it and when we do talk about it it's because I brought it up.


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> has he ever talked to a doctor about this , have yoou tried to talk to a dr ,
> did he ever get tested for a Hormonal imbalances
> is he fit or Sometimes a healthier focus on diet and exercise can naturally increase libido.


I don't think so. I want to see a doctor I told him, he said he would but he didn't do it yet. He works out a lot, lifts weights, and takes proteins but I don't think that's the issue.


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

EI said:


> Ask your husband if he’s willing to go to the doctor and get a complete physical, including lab work. He needs to have his testosterone levels checked. That may not be the answer, but if it is, then testosterone injections would certainly be a game changer for both of you.
> 
> When you say that your sex life has completely stopped, do you mean that you have sex infrequently or do you mean that you’re not having sex at all? If so, how long has it been since you and he have been intimate? Do you ever kiss, hug, or hold hands? Do you and he spoon in bed or does he hug the side of the bed, keeping as much physical distance between you as possible? When you try to talk to him about how the lack of intimacy makes you feel, does he become angry, defensive, hostile, or withdrawn?
> 
> If his lack of desire stems from a testosterone deficiency, then with treatment, there is hope. But, if it’s something deeper or if he is simply asexual, you’re going to need to make some hard decisions. You’re only 24 years old, the chances of you having a happy and fulfilling life with your husband, if this issue is not resolved, is slim to none.


When I said our sex life stopped, I mean HE stopped, initiated, or even touching me in a sexual manner. If I ask him to have sex he will say yes but usually, it doesn't even excite me because what makes me what to have sex is him initiating it, or at least showing me an interest in my body. So I would say we may have sex once every two months because I ask him to. 
We do kiss and hug on daily basis but there is nothing sensual or sexual anymore. It's more like a "we like each other so we hug" than "oh she looks so good"... I guess, we really appreciate each other because we always support each other, we do a lot of things but there is never something sexual like touching me... Which is really what I miss the most. It's not even about the sex itself but mostly the feeling about being wanted. But I usually go to bed before him, I used to wait for him hoping for something but he just goes to sleep so now I just go to sleep too. When I talked to him about it he acknowledges it, he listens but he still didn't take any action.


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> Its really tough to answer these questions and diagnose someone's issues in this way...
> 
> Porn, low test, the guy is sick,.....blah, blah, blah.....its the same crap every time
> 
> ...


I also feel like I'm giving him all my young, healthy, fertile body, but he is not even enjoying it. It's like. Sometimes I just wonder if I made the right choice. Women have a very short window, I'm in the peak of it, and I feel so pressured to make the right decisions before it's too late. I'm with him since I'm 19 years old, he is my first "real" love, I had a boyfriend before, but this has been 4 years of my precious years and I just pray that I made the right decision. It's scary and hard at the same time.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Snoopy2 said:


> He told me "sex is a tool for me, it's not fun anymore. I have my orgasm, you have yours and that's it. It doesn't interest me anymore. Just thinking about having sex for hours makes me tired."


You asked. He responded. So now the ball is in your court. He's basically through with sex. The bottom line is, can you live this way for the rest of your life?

His pragmatic stance on sex is disconcerting, to say the least. And, NO, it is not normal for a healthy 31-year-old man to have little or no interest in sex. 

So stay and suck it up or leave and find someone with whom you can have a fulfilling sex life. Seriously.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Snoopy2 said:


> But for him, I don't know what he really thinks about it because he never talks about it and when we do talk about it it's because I brought it up.


Don't feel bad....this is typical of most guys....He doesn't talk about it, likely because if he says what's really on his mind or what's bothering him, you may fall apart over it...

I believe this behavior probably drives women crazy, because they generally like to air it out and hurl bottles(not literally)..but that's not how guys operate...Think of it this way...I have been on the line at the store and watched women argue with clerks over .50 coupons that might be expired while there are 10 people waiting in line....Meanwhile I have told clerks to keep the change if they look confused at the register,. just to keep peace and keep the line moving...and I have watched other men do the same things...

Guys don't really like confrontation...I know we are the one's that fight and murder etc, but those are the rare extremes...In general, men despise drama and want things to be as peaceful as possible.. He is shutting down on you, because he has figured out the sex part of his life-whatever that is, unfortunately its at your expense.....Maybe it's an intimacy problem, maybe it's something physical about you that may have changed, etc...I really don't know and you may never know..

Despite what the porn Nazi's say, many guys use porn not to replace their wives, but rather as a way to get release without confronting the real problem of why they don't want these women anymore...I mean, think about it...there is no logical reason for any guy that had a strong attraction to a woman to replace her altogether with porn..It makes zero sense..

I will say this much, and this would be a good topic for a new thread...I believe in the concept of "sexual boredom" among humans.._.I also think this is something that may be pre programmed into us as a species for genetic diversity and propagation of the species_......In the sense that there comes a time, where there are no prevailing negative factors, just that one or the other partner just doesn't want sex with that person...Some just wind up faking it to keep peace, but others can't do it, it's just too much for them to fake...And bear in mind, due to the differences in physiology between the sexes women are better equipped to fake it than men are.. Perhaps the mere reality that people who are living together and spending all of their free time under the same roof, will just exacerbate this issue...Maybe that's why people later in life that divorce and maintain their own domiciles often are having better and more fulfilling sex lives...They never reach that point of "boredom"...

My only advice at this point is maybe ask to see a counselor and let it be both of you present...The only hope there is that you may get him to open up about the real issue...I frankly don't buy the reasoning he gave you...I think that's a ruse..

I wish you all the best,


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

Also, it might be stupid, but I feel like not having sex with my husband and not being wanted by my husband sometimes affect my mind too... Like, in French there is a saying when a woman is irritated or "emotional" they said oh she's "mal-baisé" which in English means "badly ****ed" lol which is vulgar I know but I really think there is a truth behind it 😂 when we dated, and he was touching me, he wanted me and I felt wanted. I also felt better in my life in general. Because, at the end of the day, this not even about sex, it's mostly about feeling wanted by your man, the man you choose to give your body to. That's really what I think is the hardest is not being touched, not feeling attractive, and not feeling that my husband wants to have sex with me.


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> Don't feel bad....this is typical of most guys....He doesn't talk about it, likely because if he says what's really on his mind or what's bothering him, you may fall apart over it...
> 
> I believe this behavior probably drives women crazy, because they generally like to air it out and hurl bottles(not literally)..but that's not how guys operate...Think of it this way...I have been on the line at the store and watched women argue with clerks over .50 coupons that might be expired while there are 10 people waiting in line....Meanwhile I have told clerks to keep the change if they look confused at the register,. just to keep peace and keep the line moving...and I have watched other men do the same things...
> 
> ...


Thank you,

"Sexual boredom" is definitely something that I thought about, that's why I was thinking about what if he has an affair. Do you think it will make him happier? Because I know I will be banished by women if I said this but I prefer a happy man in all aspects (sexually...) who has an affair than having my man to my own but miserable. Because there are definitely biological differences between man and woman especially from an evolutionary point of view that will confirm this theory. 
Anyway, that's something I need to think about and maybe one day he will tell me really what's going on and he is not opposed to therapy so that's definitely something that I will probably do...

Thank you for all your answers! It gave me another perspective but don't worry I can filter from all the "he is gay" from people who have constructive analysis. I know I'm not gonna get "THE SOLUTION" here, but in a sense, it's also therapeutic for me...


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Snoopy2 said:


> I mean HE stopped, initiated, or even touching me in a sexual manner.


That's what happens when someone no longer wants to have sex with their partner.

If this is a consequence of a medical reason, and he wanted to have sex with you. He would be doing something about it to fix it.

In the absence of him doing what he can to fix it, you are left with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you anymore. Of which at the end of the day the reason is largely superfluous. Since what matters is what people actually do or don't do.

And according to you he doesn't want to have sex with you.

You would do well to believe him.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Snoopy2 said:


> But I am not perfect of course and I always ask him to tell me if there something he doesn't like about me...


He is WAY too scared to answer that question, lol. Never happen. 



Snoopy2 said:


> I have problems with my behavior too, which he told me and I try to work on it. But for our sex life, I don't know how I could make it better.


This may be what's causing the issue in the sex department. I'd work on that, and I'd make it a priority. 



Snoopy2 said:


> Do you think men should have another woman in order to be happier?


Has he suggested this? Many people end up regretting bringing another person into their bed. There are people here better able to advise you on such issues. Me? I'd show him the door.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Snoopy2 said:


> Hello everyone and thank you for taking the time to read my personal problems!
> 
> So, honestly, I don't know what to do and I would just like a piece of advice if possible… I have been in a relationship for 4 years and married for 2 years. I'm really happy with him, he's a simple, smart, funny man and he has money! A jackpot for me! And I would do anything to stay with him!
> But since our wedding and since we live got together (2 years) our sex life has completely stopped. In the beginning, I hadn't really paid attention. But little by little I realized that he would actually never initiate sex and that the only times we do have sex it was on my initiative. I am only 24 years old, I believe I'm pretty, attractive and I take care of myself. At first, I started dressing more in the house, getting more sexy outfits but nothing from him ...
> ...


Totally not normal at all for either gender at any age. Especially a male in early 30s should be wearing you out. 

Dont spend anymore of your one and only life this way with this "man"


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Snoopy2 said:


> ...this not even about sex, it's mostly about feeling wanted by your man, the man you choose to give your body to. That's really what I think is the hardest is not being touched, not feeling attractive, and not feeling that my husband wants to have sex with me.


So what do you think you should do? Have you started to consider what you want going forward?


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

When he said 

"sex is a tool for me, it's not fun anymore. I have my orgasm, you have yours and that's it. It doesn't interest me anymore. Just thinking about having sex for hours makes me tired."

It's intriguing. So sex for him is NO LONGER fun or interesting, especially outside of the just-get-it-done, utilitarian kind. It could could be interpreted so many ways. 

Is it a new disinterest in sex generally? Is it just with the sex you two are having? Is it due to his porn use? Etc... 

Would it be possible to have him sit down and explain this to you in more detail? You seem open to many solutions, you should make him acknowledge that gift you're giving him - he owes you more than just this statement.

He also needs to understand he's sabotaging the relationship. He's thinking about his own needs here, but not the needs of the relationship you two have built.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

He is bored with you.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Snoopy2 said:


> My husband is I believe very masculine, and I am a very feminine woman. I fully accept my femininity and I submit to him very easily (mostly because he leads me to it in a very masculine attractive way). And he loves that about me! He told me that many times, he loves my femininity, my energy and I think I'm pretty easygoing... Well, I think 😂. Of course, I can be emotional sometimes but I can still manage it pretty well. That is why I'm trying here to understand from a man and masculinity perspective how can this be an issue when we do have a masculine and a feminine woman which is doing pretty good in terms of life in general but yet, nothing is happening in the bedroom... lol. And also, if it is me, how can I make it better?


If all this is good, why again isn't good sex happening frequently?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Snoopy2 said:


> When I talked to him about it he acknowledges it, he listens but he still didn't take any action.


So don't let him get away with this. ASK him directly what actions is HE going to take and WHEN.
PUSH him on this since it is so important, just don't let him blow off the conversation


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Snoopy, your situation hits real close to home for me, it sounds exactly how my marriage progressed. I advise you to force the issue, whether he gets upset or not talking about it, you have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I spent over 10 Yasin a sexless marriage and he ended up cheating , this was after many times of begging me not to leave him at different points in our life. He knows very well why he won't have sex with you, but is too cowardly to tell you and too selfish to let you go in case it's worse for him out there.

You need to think long and hard (ha!) about what you want for your life and go after it. He is not worth you sacrificing the dreams of your life, even if you love him. He obviously can't love you as much or the way you need. He knows his behavior is hurting you and he's not motivated to change it. Do not have children with this man!


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Well, testosterone check is low hanging fruit, so I don't think there is harm in suggesting that be checked. If he is low, there you go....

In the natural course of good relationships, it can be expected that both parties will be interested in sex, espeically between relatively young people. The fact that he isn't interested signals that there is somesort of a problem. The fact that different excuses have been made signal even further that there is a problem, one that he is potentially avoiding directly discussing.

OP will need to up the ante to get to the bottom of this, directly stating that "I will not live my life like this" will clue him into the importance of it for her.

Don't get pregnant.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

re16 said:


> *Well, testosterone check is low hanging fruit, so I don't think there is harm in suggesting that be checked. If he is low, there you go....*
> 
> In the natural course of good relationships, it can be expected that both parties will be interested in sex, espeically between relatively young people. The fact that he isn't interested signals that there is somesort of a problem. The fact that different excuses have been made signal even further that there is a problem, one that he is potentially avoiding directly discussing.
> 
> ...


The key is HE surely knows their sex life isn't as it should be. He knows that at their age and time together, with her begging him for attention, his failure to respond isn't normal. He also knows that failure to remedy this will sooner more likely than later lead to his wife cheating or divorcing.

So, if he knows all of these things and fails to make a concerted effort to find the cause and correct it without her pushing on him to act, maybe the problem a long simmering resentment.

Any urologist worth his degree knows how to diagnose and treat physiological male sexual dysfunction, and identify if the issue is psychological instead, and prescribe other medical specialties as need. The OP's husband should have seen one when the problem started, and the husband knows this. Since he hasn't, that implies to me that the problem is an interpersonal one between the two of them.

Is this maybe a passive-aggressive reaction to something the OP said or did? I recall a thread sometime ago where the OP told her husband when he asked for sex twice a week that he was too old to have sex that often. So, he took the rate to zero and kept it there to the OP's everlasting sorrow. He refused to touch her thereafter, including on their anniversary. Don't recall reading that he ever relented, he had decided if he was too old for it, he would just stop altogether.

This OP's husband saying he didnt want to spend "hours" on sex implies to me that she said something or did something that really pissed him off, maybe along the lines implying he was too quick on the trigger for her taste? Or maybe he can't get her off after "hours" of trying, so has just given up?


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Rus47 said:


> The key is HE surely knows their sex life isn't as it should be.


I agree with this. She really needs to get the truth out of him.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

re16 said:


> I agree with this. She really needs to get the truth out of him.


Easier said than done. Sometimes one can drive themselves absolutely insane trying to get at the truth, particularly if the person in question doesn’t want to admit what it is. 

Edited for clarity.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Easier said than done. Sometimes one can drive themselves absolutely insane trying to get at the truth, particularly if they don’t want to admit what it is.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


100% agree, I think she ups the ante and says we need to work on this or it will end the marriage, and he either responds favorably, or he continues to avoid it, and then she has to end it.

Likely outcome is this doesn't work. In the off chance he opens up, maybe they have a chance to work it out.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Snoopy2 said:


> That's the thing is that before we lived together it was perfect! I mean, everything is perfect when you start dating of course and I'm not hoping to get this back but he would at least show me his interest in me. And I think that is mostly what it's bothering me here it's not even about the sex, it's him being attracted to me, touching me, women can feel when a man wants them and that is the most satisfying feeling you can get from you husband. I never get this anymore, and I feel just like a roommate. We kiss, we hug on daily basis but there is no sensual/sexual connexion anymore and that's mostly what I'm lacking.
> But for him, I don't know what he really thinks about it because he never talks about it and when we do talk about it it's because I brought it up.


 this crossed my mind first when you made the topic What Does It Mean to Be Asexual?

but in reading you other posts it is like as if he has found out something about your past that is so off putting to him that he can't or does not have the same feelings for you , 

I take it you have talked about how you feel to him a lot and he has opened up to you a bit , 
IF it is not your past (or even the past that he thinks you had )that is blocking him could it be his past , you never know he might have been a victim of sexual abuse when young and it might be affecting him now 

it looks as if the other side of living together is ok , he goes to work he does his part of keeping the house and other parts of living together are normal ?

It is as if he just uses you as a human sex toy , you are more or less his masturbating machine, he gets off and does not care if you came or not 

I am 30 years with my wife she is the only woman I HAVE BEEN with but I still love to look at her like as if it is the first time i have seen a woman nude 

if I get it right you would be happy to know if there was another woman that might turn him on , like as if you just want him to be sexually turned on by and get his pleasure with 
this might at least let you know if your husband is normal , 
does he want you to enjoy your sexuality , is he ok with you as they say about men you getting your rocks off , is he happy for you to take on someone like an male escort / bull /sex friend 

does he love you even if he does not have a sexual attraction for you ,


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

If anything will get him to take this seriously and open up, it will be him staring at divorce papers. Unless, you want to go without being desired for the rest of your life. 

You say he takes proteins, are you sure he isn't on steroids?


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> Since he hasn't, that implies to me that the problem is an interpersonal one between the two of them.
> 
> Is this maybe a passive-aggressive reaction to something the OP said or did?


Based on what the OP has posted, this seems most likely IMO.



Blondilocks said:


> You say he takes proteins, are you sure he isn't on steroids?


Hmmm. Another interesting thought.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I’d say he’s definitely aware that he’s hurting you while pretending to be the nice guy. Typically men go crazy without sex for a few days so he’s likely satisfying himself with porn and then plays it cool (and cold) with you.

He’s pissed or annoyed and getting you back.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Mr.Married said:


> Horse piss ..... no person signs up to feel unloved and unwanted in their marriage.


Many women who withhold say the same thing he did. It is not about sex, it it the withholding spouse saying i dont love you any more through their actions. Physical intimacy is the glue that binds a marriage.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

I still wonder - if he's just bored, if she does ALL the initiating and he is feeling emasculated by that, if he is withholding due to some other resentment.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Snoopy2 said:


> My husband is I believe very masculine, and I am a very feminine woman. I fully accept my femininity and I submit to him very easily (*mostly because he leads me to it in a very masculine attractive way)*. And he loves that about me! He told me that many times, he loves my femininity, my energy and I think I'm pretty easygoing... Well, I think 😂. Of course, I can be emotional sometimes but I can still manage it pretty well. That is why I'm trying here to understand from a man and masculinity perspective how can this be an issue when we do have a masculine and a feminine woman which is doing pretty good in terms of life in general but yet, nothing is happening in the bedroom... lol. And also, if it is me, how can I make it better?


have you considered building on that part of the sexual relationship. actually form a dom/slave relationship. if you both are already kind of doing that, and both seem to enjoy it, kick it up a notch. get some sexual toys related to dominance and bondage, and see if that turns him and you on. maybe the standard PIV sexual situation is not enough to turn him on, but a bondage scenario would making a raging sex stud with you?


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> He is bored with you.


What can I do?


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

theloveofmylife said:


> I still wonder - if he's just bored, if she does ALL the initiating and he is feeling emasculated by that, if he is withholding due to some other resentment.


Well, I tried both 😂. I didn't initiate for months and he wouldn’t care. Even if will dress up.


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

Thank you all for your answer. I talked to him again and he told me that the reason was that he didn't feel ready to get married and he wasn't ready to commit. That he wasn't ready to be with only one woman so for him to be loyal he cut off with all-woman and by doing that he cut-off sex with me too.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Snoopy2 said:


> Thank you all for your answer. I talked to him again and he told me that the reason was that he didn't feel ready to get married and he wasn't ready to commit. That he wasn't ready to be with only one woman so for him to be loyal he cut off with all-woman and by doing that he cut-off sex with me too.


What!?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I can think of a dozen fun ways a woman could tease me into initiating with her, but I have no practical experience that says it would work. I also have a low drive spouse. Everything you write screams low drive. 

Except that last one. That one says PTSD or gay but we already went there. It seems that there is an emotional disconnect in him that happened around the time of engagement. The good news is he can afford a therapist. The bad news is he needs one to get through that, or whatever it is. 

I mean if he loves your bottom, and you can walk around the house in nothing but a thong (and I did assume you tried this) without arousing his attention, then he needs to figure out why.


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## Jlb12 (Jul 13, 2021)

Snoopy2 said:


> Hello everyone and thank you for taking the time to read my personal problems!
> 
> So, honestly, I don't know what to do and I would just like a piece of advice if possible… I have been in a relationship for 4 years and married for 2 years. I'm really happy with him, he's a simple, smart, funny man and he has money! A jackpot for me! And I would do anything to stay with him!
> But since our wedding and since we live got together (2 years) our sex life has completely stopped. In the beginning, I hadn't really paid attention. But little by little I realized that he would actually never initiate sex and that the only times we do have sex it was on my initiative. I am only 24 years old, I believe I'm pretty, attractive and I take care of myself. At first, I started dressing more in the house, getting more sexy outfits but nothing from him ...
> ...


In a very similar situation. When my husband and I were dating, he would tell me he has such a high sex drive and it showed. Now it’s 1-2 times a month.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Jlb12 said:


> In a very similar situation. When my husband and I were dating, he would tell me he has such a high sex drive and it showed. Now it’s 1-2 times a month.


Yep sounds like my wife. When we were dating it was everyday (sometimes 2x a day) now its also just a few times a month.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Snoopy2 said:


> Thank you all for your answer. I talked to him again and he told me that the reason was that he didn't feel ready to get married and he wasn't ready to commit. That he wasn't ready to be with only one woman so for him to be loyal he cut off with all-woman and by doing that he cut-off sex with me too.


So, withholding due to resentment.


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## Jlb12 (Jul 13, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Yep sounds like my wife. When we were dating it was everyday (sometimes 2x a day) now its also just a few times a month.


Hope it gets better for you


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> What!?


Maybe I said it wrong. Sorry English is not my first language. But his reasoning was that after getting married, I guess he wasn't ready to have sex only with one woman. And he was still attracted to other women but because he committed to me then he tried to stop his sexual drives towards other women and apparently it cut it for me as well.


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## Snoopy2 (Jun 27, 2021)

Snoopy2 said:


> Thank you all for your answer. I talked to him again and he told me that the reason was that he didn't feel ready to get married and he wasn't ready to commit. That he wasn't ready to be with only one woman so for him to be loyal he cut off with all-woman and by doing that he cut-off sex with me too.


I don't even know if what he told me it's true, this is his 10000x excuses. Maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore, maybe he didn't really want to marry me. I don't know. That all I have thought, he is my life but I'm not sure..


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

I think that excuse is rubbish. I think he feels trapped in the marriage and has cut you off because of that. I believe he is getting something, somewhere - either with other women or on his own. Either way, he is withholding from you, and that is messed up.


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