# He wants to be alone



## katt (Dec 8, 2013)

So my husband cheated on me...blah blah blah...
We have been going to counseling but its been increasingly obvious that we are not doing well (its been four weeks). After yet another excruciating session my husband stated that he wants to be alone and he wants me to leave. He doesn't want to get divorced he just wants to separate. I told him that if I go I'm not coming back but he thinks it's just my emotions talking. We bought the house together but it's in his name and we married later so it's legally his house and I've been paying the mortgage for him  
I started packing up and I'm looking to buy a new house but now I am wondering if I should make it that easy for him. Why should I leave before I am ready?


----------



## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

katt said:


> So my husband cheated on me...blah blah blah...
> We have been going to counseling but its been increasingly obvious that we are not doing well (its been four weeks). After yet another excruciating session my husband stated that he wants to be alone and he wants me to leave. He doesn't want to get divorced he just wants to separate. I told him that if I go I'm not coming back but he thinks it's just my emotions talking. We bought the house together but it's in his name and we married later so it's legally his house and I've been paying the mortgage for him
> I started packing up and I'm looking to buy a new house but now I am wondering if I should make it that easy for him. Why should I leave before I am ready?


You're supporting him? Does he not work? Is there any equity in the house? Were I you, I'd not leave, if you WH wants to be apart, he should leave, or he can go sleep on the sofa.

Of course, if you're not on the Mortgage or the Deed, you can walk away without any damage to your credit, but it would cause him much trouble. First thing I think you should do is FIRST file for divorce and separate your finances, time for the 180...You can go dark on him while staying in the home. And you can move when it's foreclosed on...


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

katt said:


> So my husband cheated on me...blah blah blah...
> We have been going to counseling but its been increasingly obvious that we are not doing well (its been four weeks). After yet another excruciating session my husband stated that he wants to be alone and he wants me to leave. He doesn't want to get divorced he just wants to separate. I told him that if I go I'm not coming back but he thinks it's just my emotions talking. We bought the house together but it's in his name and we married later so it's legally his house and I've been paying the mortgage for him
> I started packing up and I'm looking to buy a new house but now I am wondering if I should make it that easy for him. Why should I leave before I am ready?


Don't leave the house. If you've been paying the mortgage then 50% of the value of the house is yours. If he wants to separate let him leave.

You need to see a lawyer before you do anything like leaving. You need to find out what your rights and responsibilities are.


----------



## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

He wants to be alone. Let him leave.

I would talk to your attorney about the house. It should be part of the division of property. Do not leave before you get your attorney's advice.

How do you know he does not want the OW to come to visit while he "is alone"?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

harrybrown said:


> He wants to be alone. Let him leave.
> 
> I would talk to your attorney about the house. It should be part of the division of property. Do not leave before you get your attorney's advice.
> 
> How do you know he does not want the OW to come to visit while he "is alone"?


:iagree:
Do not leave until you have talked to an attorney please.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

katt said:


> So my husband cheated on me...blah blah blah...
> We have been going to counseling but its been increasingly obvious that we are not doing well (its been four weeks). After yet another excruciating session my husband stated that he wants to be alone and he wants me to leave. He doesn't want to get divorced he just wants to separate. I told him that if I go I'm not coming back but he thinks it's just my emotions talking. We bought the house together but it's in his name and we married later so it's legally his house and I've been paying the mortgage for him


He wants separation? He cheated, he leaves. It isn't about making it easy, it is about you getting your full value out of what you put into the relationship. Yes, that includes marital assets as well as emotions.
Go see a lawyer as NF is correct in the US.


----------



## disconnected (May 30, 2013)

Please listen to all these people ... they know what they are talking about!!

Good luck.

Stand your ground.

Let him go ...


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I am normally get to say this to guys but..

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE

Probably still in affair and probably thinking he will move her in to HIS house a month after you are gone. 

If he wants to be alone, fine, go be alone. 

You are staying exactly where you are. 

UNPACK...DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE


----------



## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

I've learned. Wait for him to leave the house and immediately call a locksmith and have all the locks changed. DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. As soon as he is gone get all the locks changed and don't let him back in.

Get an attorney now. You need someone who can give you legal advice. But do not leave the house!


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

If he purchased the property before he married you and if you never signed a Quitclaim Deed, you have vested interest in the property now. Especially if you are in a community property state. Combined with the fact that you pay the mortgage, I think you're good. Still I would talk to an attorney.


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Just get a lawyer. Don't do anything until you know what is what.

If he wants time and not a divorce, it sounds like the affair is still ongoing.

If it isn't, he is not in the marriage anyway. So what would it benefit you to drag out its demise? Does he want you to sit there waiting and hoping he will choose you? 

The only choice is to have hard boundaries. No marriage equals divorce equals splitting assets equals accepting real life.

He cheated. He wants it to be easy.

Real life isn't that way, especially after you cheat.

Stay strong. He is the one operating on emotion, not you.


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

If you are Canada, it is your house too. DK if you are in the US though.


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

katt said:


> We bought the house together but it's in his name and we married later so it's legally his house and I've been paying the mortgage for him
> I started packing up and I'm looking to buy a new house but now I am wondering if I should make it that easy for him. Why should I leave before I am ready?


This usually means he wants to continue the affair without interference from you.

Don't move.

He moves, he pays, he packs up.

If he wants to leave, he can pack.

Sorry, but separation after an affair usually does not mean he wants to separate. It means he wants to keep cheating with less interference.

Don't move out.

If he wants to move out, he can move out.

If his affair is over, he should be fully transparent with you, phone number, email address, etc, all of it, fully accessible to you at any time.

If he hasn't or won't do that, he's still cheating.

STOP talking to HIM and START talking to a LAWYER.


----------



## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

+1 

Unanimous.


----------



## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

He wants to be alone, Fine. Let him bloody leave why should you leave a house where YOU are paying the Mortgage, and make things easy for him.

Its your home too. He had the affair, hes the one in the wrong... Your right, do not make it easy for him.

Say bye bye, be alone, but i am staying in my home i own half of.

Good Luck


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

katt said:


> So my husband cheated on me...blah blah blah...
> We have been going to counseling but its been increasingly obvious that *we are not doing well* (its been four weeks).


Becasue he never stopped it, that's becasue thre's no improvement...
Put your PI hat on, you will discover he just went underground and more.

And that's why he wants you out, becasue he's tired to your interference, he wants things easy.. at best, if not setting up the final split with marked cards.
The snooping will give you his plans.

Don't believe a single word out of his mouth and talk to a lawyer.. Pronto.


----------



## bigbearsfan (Feb 11, 2014)

clipclop2 said:


> Just get a lawyer. Don't do anything until you know what is what.
> 
> If he wants time and not a divorce, it sounds like the affair is still ongoing.
> 
> ...


:iagree: He's still cheating! He's cake eating. Go get a lawyer and start getting your financials in order.


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

melw74 said:


> He wants to be alone, Fine. Let him bloody leave why should you leave a house where YOU are paying the Mortgage, and make things easy for him.
> 
> Its your home too. He had the affair, hes the one in the wrong... Your right, do not make it easy for him.
> 
> ...


Half?

Screw that. If you get caught cheating you should automatically default your half of the household ownership.

Seriously.

Don't even tell him verbally the house his half his or half yours.

Talk to a blood-sucking lawyer to eat him for lunch.


----------



## Kendall (Feb 6, 2014)

Get yourself a lawyer tomorrow and protect your financial future.

It sounds like your husband tried to set you up to take a financial fall should your marriage collapse. And I must admit, you were very unwise to marry a guy and pay the mortgage without having your name put on the mortgage/deed. 

But I imagine you can fix it legally. There are laws in most states that protect women from being financially blindsided.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Yet another cheating thread that's going by the script.


marriage still not doing well even in counselling. Check.
Wants you to leave but doesn't want to divorce. Check.

Follow the advice given to you. Lawyer up! Don't make it easy for this cake eater. He's still seeing the OW and continue the affair without interference from you - yet keep you as the back up plan.

You are no one's Plan B. Remember that.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

katt said:


> So my husband cheated on me...blah blah blah...
> We have been going to counseling but its been increasingly obvious that we are not doing well (its been four weeks). After yet another excruciating session my husband stated that he wants to be alone and he wants me to leave. He doesn't want to get divorced he just wants to separate. I told him that if I go I'm not coming back but he thinks it's just my emotions talking. We bought the house together but it's in his name and we married later so it's legally his house and I've been paying the mortgage for him
> I started packing up and I'm looking to buy a new house but now I am wondering if I should make it that easy for him. Why should I leave before I am ready?


Lawyer up, do not move and prepare to take him to the cleaners.

He cheats, he gets to pay the price.


----------



## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> Half?
> 
> Screw that. If you get caught cheating you should automatically default your half of the household ownership.
> 
> ...


Ohhhh I agree totally with you.


----------

