# husband hates toys



## Me'N'My'Girl (Jan 10, 2010)

as the title says my husband hates toys.i tried talking to him about it many times but he says he doesnt like to think that he is not enough for me.i told him it would just spice up our sex life but he refuses.he gets really mad if he finds out that i was "playing" with myself.

i was googling some toys and he got really upset about it.

i feel like he's somehow sexually inhibited.i actually "begged" him a million times to find out what he likes but he's never open to me about it.

my question is does anyone over here feels the same?? and what can i do to change his mind?


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## Hetfield (Feb 7, 2010)

Me'N'My'Girl said:


> as the title says my husband hates toys.i tried talking to him about it many times but he says he doesnt like to think that he is not enough for me.i told him it would just spice up our sex life but he refuses.he gets really mad if he finds out that i was "playing" with myself.
> 
> i was googling some toys and he got really upset about it.
> 
> ...


I would love to help you with this but, personally, I love when she uses toys or occasionally brings them to bed with us (notice I said occasionally...we don't make it part of our routine...only for a little variety).

However, I do know a few guys in our circle of couples friends who are fervently against the sight of their wives/girlfriends with a vibe or bullet in hand. In one case, the hubby bragged that his unit is all she can handle and she had no need for toys and hated them. Gauging by the way she rolled her eyes (without him seeing her reaction), he was too embarrassed to admit she likes toys used on her in bed or he obviously didn't have the proper tool to accomplish her mission. I'm thinking it was the latter.

How to get him to incorporate some toys in bed? Have you tried starting small, like say a bullet? My wife loves nothing more than a good ride on top of me while holding it against her clit...I get to lay back and enjoy while she explodes over and over! A bullet is less intimidating to a guy so he may actually like it.


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## Me'N'My'Girl (Jan 10, 2010)

i tried explaining to him over and over again that it doesnt mean he's not satisfying me but he gets so defensive that i end the conversation. he is indeed very intimidated by them ..as if im replacing him.though i told him i wont use them unless we're together.

the thing is i have trouble reaching an orgasm during intercourse alone and he never tries stimulating me "during" intercourse.he tells me he'd feel inadequate if i reached my orgasm using toys while i dont during sex.

i feel im missing out on a very pleasurable thing and i would really love to change his mind.


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## CaliRN (Jan 2, 2010)

start off slow, there's alot of good movies out there that involve toys lol


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## Flanders (Feb 26, 2010)

That is what dating is before marriage, to find out what your partner is into and to see if you are compatible. If he doesn't like toys and he has told you plain as day don't force him. Let it go and be happy you have someone that loves you for who you are and not trying to replace you. It could go the other way and he could buy those blow up dolls and molded ladies lower regions and replace you. I don't think you would like that.


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## Me'N'My'Girl (Jan 10, 2010)

Flanders said:


> That is what dating is before marriage, to find out what your partner is into and to see if you are compatible. If he doesn't like toys and he has told you plain as day don't force him. Let it go and be happy you have someone that loves you for who you are and not trying to replace you. It could go the other way and he could buy those blow up dolls and molded ladies lower regions and replace you. I don't think you would like that.



you've got a point here, but sex toys and molded ladies lower regions are two completely different things.its funny you used the word "replacing him" cuz thats the exact word he used.but the thing is im not.i wont use it unless we're together and i would let HIM use it on me.our sex life is quite boring right now and we would really use their help


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## Flanders (Feb 26, 2010)

Me'N'My'Girl said:


> you've got a point here, but sex toys and molded ladies lower regions are two completely different things.its funny you used the word "replacing him" cuz thats the exact word he used.but the thing is im not.i wont use it unless we're together and i would let HIM use it on me.our sex life is quite boring right now and we would really use their help


I don't get it, you want to use a penis shaped object on yourself with your husband. Do you realize that your husband already has a penis shaped object attached to him? Why would it be a completely different thing, a molded penis for her and a molded ladies thing for him? Is it because you want a larger penis shaped devise than what he has? Would if he buys a mechanical BJ thing or a molded ladies thing that is tighter than yours? Would you be offended like he is? Would if he perfers the molded thing than your thing?


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I love the fact that people take the time to respond on this forum. I would like to make a suggestion that may provide benfit to the readers, Instead of stating why people should be ok with toys, porn oral (all the controversial areas that MANY men and MANY women seem to have differences on). It would be helpful for respondents to try and brainstorm all the reasons that someone may feel treatened or why they may object and explore ways of minimizing objections, I think some men may be threatened by a toy for similar reasons that women don't like porn. Both are add-on (or substitute) stimulation that is not provided by the partner, porn adds visaul stimulation while toys delivers physical (touching) stimulation. Not to sidtrack the thread to a different topic but, trying to illustate a point

My wife and I have only recently discussed toys and I have reservations about toys that other men may share, in the end my desire to please my wife will outweight my (concerns/hangups) with toys 

It may be helpful for us to understand the causes and possible solutions to the insecurties/reservations on these issues as it relates to the (general) gender biases on this. 

Flander's point does have merrit in some ways however, the difference is that a mans penis is not really designed well for pleasing some women while elecronic devices can be more effective, how would you feel if he wanted to watch porn while you had sex, if he thought it might ad more stimulation to the situation, perhaps not apples to apples but, may give you a proverial walk in his shoes-it has been said to understand first to be understood-understand the why of the objection may get you a better way to get past it (but, should not be at your partners expense)

I think men are reluctant to introduce or use toys in a relationship because:

!) they may feel that it may minimize the impact of sex without toy
2) That they would rather be able to please their women with their own "tools (as it was mentioned)
3) It can reduce their "power" if you want to call it that as women may be able to please themselves and this may be threatening 
4) If the women becomes accostomed to the "powerful, stimulation generated electronically" perhaps it may make an orgasm deliverd by dI#$ allone seem less impactful

I have heard of the "tuperware-type parties for woment where toys are settled, i would imagine this may be helpful as if many wives purchased these things it would not single a man out by his women as bieng inadequate but, generate some positive peer pressure

Again thanks for your feedback


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Me'N'My'Girl said:


> as the title says my husband hates toys.i tried talking to him about it many times but he says he doesnt like to think that he is not enough for me.i told him it would just spice up our sex life but he refuses.he gets really mad if he finds out that i was "playing" with myself.
> 
> i was googling some toys and he got really upset about it.
> 
> ...



I'm guessing you guys are young?
I hope so, because if not below 26 or so he is VERY insecure and immature.
Yes....probably at atleast one point in life we all have insecurities.
Your challenge is to work with him and focus on the insecurities not the toys.
Don't let it go. Kinda funny cause if you are in your twenties, I predict that 5 years or so from now, that same hubby will be writing here that his wife is boring and how should he "spice it up"!!!

I find ir very scary also that someome who shall remain nameless went to a message parlor for a "happy ending" state that since her husband has the penis shaped object she should just be happy with that.
Does your wife not have a vagina? A mouth? Hands?
Then what you did makes a toy pale in comparison.

Toys and anything between a couple is a healthy part of pleasure together which is all good in my book.

Again. Don't fixate on the toy for now...don't shove it down his throat (hahaha)
But help him realize he's a bigger man if he focuses on youe pleasure and set the ego aside.
Ego=root of all evil
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Me'N'My'Girl (Jan 10, 2010)

63Vino said:


> I'm guessing you guys are young?
> I hope so, because if not below 26 or so he is VERY insecure and immature.
> Yes....probably at atleast one point in life we all have insecurities.
> Your challenge is to work with him and focus on the insecurities not the toys.
> ...


yes we are both young..im 24 and he's 27
my husband is kinda insecure.he has severe jealousy issues too.though he is a very handsome and attractive man,has an excellent job,high college degree, and very very WELL endowed too if that makes any difference hehe.but he says im the first woman he really loved and thats why he cares about me so much.and just for the record he has never been cheated on so i dont know why he's so insecure?i know there is a difference between care and insecurity.i dont really know what to do about it.

regarding the sex toys issue,his view to it is EXACTLY what tjohnson said.actually he could have written this post himself. im really REALLY bored with our sex life.i just wanted to spice it up.

so how can i deal with his insecurity and open up to him without hurting him??


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## Me'N'My'Girl (Jan 10, 2010)

just wanted to second what Star wrote.it would be really nice to use a vibrator on my cl!t during the rear entry position "which he adores" .as i cant reach my orgasm just through intercourse from this position.


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## Me'N'My'Girl (Jan 10, 2010)

thanks so much for your help Star.i might actually go on and buy one of them.maybe when he sees them he'd change his mind.


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## Flanders (Feb 26, 2010)

Star said:


> Flanders using vibrator/sex toy with your partner is not about replacing them, it's about adding a new dimension to foreplay/love making, I use them with my h and they are by no means replacing him at all, for instance it is sometimes nice to use a vibrator on your cl!t while you are in a rear entry position and take my word for it the O's are very powerful from this.
> 
> Also if you really open your mind up, sex toys aren't just for her they can be used on him too (note i said on and not IN) I personally think they are good fun and I'm lucky enough to be with a man that is both mature enough and willing to use them WITH me without the fear or being "replaced" or made "redundant"
> 
> btw, just for the record I don't know of any man who has a penis that vibrates  LOL!!!!


A penis that vibrates!!! Climb on the washer and hit the spin cycle, I know it is a little old school but it works.


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## Flanders (Feb 26, 2010)

Me'N'My'Girl said:


> thanks so much for your help Star.i might actually go on and buy one of them.maybe when he sees them he'd change his mind.


You might be opening a serious can of worms buying one of those things. Okay here is the deal go out partying and get him drunk at a bar near a sex shop. When leaving the bar say lets go for a walk and jokingly say lets go in and see what kind of weirdos are inside, have a few laughs and then start shopping and say we should buy this little thing make sure it is smaller than his junk. and tell him you will not be able to go into a place like this again and say lets get it and he can work you over with it.:smthumbup:

Just a helpful tip from the marriage guru.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Star said:


> it's probably a bit difficult doing doggie on top a washer!!!
> 
> 
> :rofl:




Um NO....it ISN'T!!!!!


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Star said:


> Vino you have not seen my washer!!!! Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Haha nor you, my acrobatics & determination!


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Me'N'My'Girl (Jan 10, 2010)

haha Flanders! what a great idea lol 

only if id ever get him to drink once!!


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