# ADHD husband with perfectionist wife?



## Lugthwart (Oct 14, 2016)

stuckinboston said:


> Any couples out there ADHD and perfectionist? How do you deal with it?


I am in the same situation. Unfortunately, the two issues tend to intensify the effects. My ADHD tends to encourage her to be more controlling, and her controlling tends to blow up my coping skills. But there is some hope ... communication. From the ADHD spouse's position, I find it helps to keep in mind that her need for control is about her anxiety. (Abandoned as a child, demanding or disappointed parents, abused as a child or neglected as a child can lead someone to feel a need to be in control as an adult.) When she goes into control mode, instead of getting defensive (our ADHD tendency), you may want to try to calmly inquire about what she fears will happen. That can change the tone of the interaction, to where you are working together to make sure her fear is understood as her motive and to provide you a means to work together to address her underlying concern.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You had posted this in a thread dating back to 2011. So I moved your post to your own thread so that you can get input for yourself.


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