# Help, I don't know what to think or do.



## ejf (Oct 14, 2010)

Back in May my car messed up. My husband was greatly upset because it was the only vehicle we had. He walked down to the store one day to get beer and there was a girl at the register. he had mentioned before that this girl liked him. Needless to same they exchanged numbers. She texted him the next morning and I caught the text. I was mad even though the text simply said good morning. I didn't understand why he had given her the number. He said he would not text her back. Then come to find out he was texting and talking to her behind my back. He said nothing was going on and they were just friends when i caught the texts. He said he was ending it before it went further and the girl was psycho and making it more than what it was. She told him she would not be anything on the side it was her or me. If he didn't give her any indication that there would be more than why would she text that. He hasn't spoken to her since. She started dating his best friend and that's a different story. Now he's acting weird. Picking fights (mainly when he's been drinking.) I don't know what to do. He says he's fine, but I just have a weird feeling something is going on.


----------



## dazedbeauty (Sep 25, 2010)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## dazedbeauty (Sep 25, 2010)

I'm sorry to hear this. I know I would feel jealous and basically cheated on if my husband did this. Has he had problems with infidelity in the past? How long have you been married? Also, I'm wondering about what you said about the car. I have a feeling you are blaming yourself and feel that you some how deserve this treatment. You also mentioned his drinking, is he an alcoholic? Alcoholics can have unpredictable behavior.
db
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ejf (Oct 14, 2010)

We have been together since High School. He's the only guy I've been with. We've been married for 7 years it will be 8 in January. Yes he is an alcoholic. He says he's not, but he is. He has been going to aa meetings, but they are court required because he received a DUI. I honestly don't know what to do. I do feel like a lot of it is my fault even though I know it's not. He buys what he wants and doesn't listen to me. Sometimes I get so mad I shake, but the thought of not being with him tears me up. He doesn't physically abuse me, but I'm begining to wonder if I'm emotionally abused and do not realize it.


----------



## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

I'm sorry that you are going through this. He really needs to realize that he has a drinking problem and get help. My H became quite the drinker after we'd been together seven years. It got worse and worse.He picked fights with me, started going out to all hours of the night. I don't think he ever cheated but I think he flirted a lot. He started hanging with a recently divorced friend of his and left me home alone with our child all the time. we ended up separating because of it ... and he convinced me that all of it was my fault. After several months I finally realized that it wasn't. He had this little mid-life crisis at 30 and was envious of his friends single status. He wanted to go out and party and sleep around. 
I know this doesn't sound very helpful, but I wanted to be honest because what you are describing really hits home for me. He needs to address his drinking problem or it cannot get better. You should also start counseling. Either together or just by yourself. If nothing else it will help you see more clearly and ensure that you are not blaming yourself for things beyond your control.


----------



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Men will only get away with what you allow them to get away with. You busted him, so in turn his guilt is displayed as anger towards you. He had to get himself sobered up and he has to sign a written aggreement ( drafted by you ) that certain behavior (such as this and other things, cheating, flirting, texting, calling other women) are not permitted in this family. Violation of these terms... and you are basically out the door. You are giving him this chance to make right what is wrong, now it is up to him to abide by these rules. If not, then there is no reason for you to live in misery.


----------



## ejf (Oct 14, 2010)

Thank you, this has helped. He started drinking after his father died 5 years ago. We have tried consuling after a big fight we had after his drinking. We went one time and in it he stated he would not stop drinking, that was his way to unwind. I guess it's going to take me walking out the door for him to see this, but I was hoping it would not come to that. I can't change him he has to change himself.


----------

