# Immunity Idol for Sex?



## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Do any of you use a special item that is normally hidden, but can be placed in plain view when either partner 'wants some'?


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Calling it an immunity idol makes me think it would mean that you do not want to have sex when it is out. I am immune to your advances!


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

I can see how it would work in some situations, but I can also see how it would not. What if you put it out there and they did not notice it, do your feelings get hurt?

It seems like a way to avoid actually initiating or having a conversation about sex. Almost like it would be a copout for a real, open, and honest relationship.


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Tasorundo said:


> Calling it an immunity idol makes me think it would mean that you do not want to have sex when it is out. I am immune to your advances!


Well, that was just a nod to Jeff Probst, that's not what I would actually call it.



Tasorundo said:


> I can see how it would work in some situations, but I can also see how it would not. What if you put it out there and they did not notice it, do your feelings get hurt?
> 
> It seems like a way to avoid actually initiating or having a conversation about sex. Almost like it would be a copout for a real, open, and honest relationship.


Years ago I read about a couple who had a book that either partner could take out of the drawer and leave on the nightstand as a signal of interest. It seems like it would be a pretty good method of initiating non-verbally.

Obviously it would have to be placed in a prominent spot. Immunity idols are usually large enough to catch your attention, perhaps a coat of rad paint would ensure its notice.

Actually a 2 foot tall Priapus statue might be perfect!

Rather than a cop out, I'm envisioning it as more of an announcement of an upcoming initiation. I supposed it could be received with dread or anticipation, depending...


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Noman said:


> Years ago I read about a couple who had a book that either partner could take out of the drawer and leave on the nightstand as a signal of interest. It seems like it would be a pretty good method of initiating non-verbally.


I could put the entire Shakespeare collection out and my wife would not be interested...


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Noman said:


> Do any of you use a special item that is normally hidden, but can be placed in plain view when either partner 'wants some'?


Nope. We just have at it.

So I just bend her over and pull her knickers down, or she will pull her knickers down and bend over. Or any of the other direct numerous variations with which we begin.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Why wouldn't you just ask her for sex, or her ask you?


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Noman said:


> Rather than a cop out, I'm envisioning it as more of an announcement of an upcoming initiation. I supposed it could be received with dread or anticipation, depending...


I am not familiar with your backstory, and I did not see a thread that you started to talk about things, so I apologize for not knowing much about you. Are things good in your sex life at home? Is this just an idea you had, or something you are looking to try to fix an issue?

To give you some of my back story, married for 26 years, during that marriage, lots of issues with sex mismatch that still continue to a degree today, although in a different way. In the past we have tried a lot of things, scheduling, rules on who could initiate, counselors, books, and on it goes. Even when we tried different rules about initiating and declaring intentions, the underlying problems that were there, remained. When we scheduled sex, it did not remove or alter the anticipation/dread issue, and in some ways made it worse.

That is how I see the idol going. The partner that is resistant will see it and think "AGAIN, WTF!", or they will dread the end of the day, knowing that the idol is there and some level of response is required/desired.

For the partner that wants to put the idol out, it is an easy way to 'initiate' without having to do much or actually interact with their partner. For the partner who does not want the idol out, it is a harbinger of dread.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We used to have a stack of index cards from which we'd take turns picking out various sexual activities (beyond the "usual" routine), and post the selections in a spot we'd both see every day. That worked pretty well, until we lost the cards when we moved. Maybe someone else found them and is enjoying them! Anyway, our sex life has improved lately, and it may be time to recreate that card deck for extra fun!


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Look, if it works for you then it is all good. Would it be a single object or one object/part per partner so you can signal that you are both down for it?

Wouldn't work for me. My wife is so painfully unobservant that it would have to be a giant neon sign with "SEX?" flashing on it.


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Tasorundo said:


> I am not familiar with your backstory, and I did not see a thread that you started to talk about things, so I apologize for not knowing much about you. Are things good in your sex life at home? Is this just an idea you had, or something you are looking to try to fix an issue?


We've been married about as long as you & yours and like you we've had plenty of issues over the years.

Scheduling- NOT a popular idea with Mrs. Noman. We have no rules on initiating, it's my job, period (that sounds bad, but it's not, it's just my job as the Man of the House.) Counselor, not going to happen, ever. Books, mmm, I have a few picture books that Mrs. Noman has laid down on the bed and looked at a few times (which DOES count as initiating. Lord, this woman drives me nuts with her contrariwise mixed messages, coyness & secretive nature, but I love her anyway.)

I'm really _hoping_ the "bend her over" comment above is just a joke.

As for _asking_ for sex, that's a sign of weakness, not a good idea.

Spur of the moment doesn't work too well, either, because if she's busy working on something she's likely to resent the interruption.

So...I was thinking the Immunity Idol (that's a stupid name, needs something new) might work as an option to let her know I'm in the mood & to expect incoming.

In the last few days I gave her a verbal heads-up for later in the day & things worked out just fine.

I'm just looking at other options. As much as I love the idea of "Priapus is Pointing North" I know that would be a _bad_ idea.

Actually, I think I have it, I'll get one of these, it's PERFECT!


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> We used to have a stack of index cards from which we'd take turns picking out various sexual activities (beyond the "usual" routine), and post the selections in a spot we'd both see every day. That worked pretty well, until we lost the cards when we moved.


Haha, I can just imagine the raised eyebrows when _those_ were discovered!

Actually I really like this idea. Can you share some of the ideas? (How shy _are_ you?)



AGoodFlogging said:


> Look, if it works for you then it is all good. Would it be a single object or one object/part per partner so you can signal that you are both down for it?
> 
> Wouldn't work for me. My wife is so painfully unobservant that it would have to be a giant neon sign with "SEX?" flashing on it.


You, my friend, are a GENIUS!: SEX!


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Noman said:


> I'm really _hoping_ the "bend her over" comment above is just a joke.


I think you'll find that with @Personal is not a joke... and up to 4 times a day, if I remember correctly...


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> I think you'll find that with @Personal is not a joke... and up to 4 times a day, if I remember correctly...


The only possible response is, "WOW...just WOW!"

There is something freaky going on there & not in a bad way!

Something unnatural, perhaps Supernatural.

Do you, uh, have a link to that thread?


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Noman said:


> As for _asking_ for sex, that's a sign of weakness, not a good idea.


You think my wife coming up to me and saying "F#@% me now" is a sign of weakness?
Her weakness or my weakness?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> I think you'll find that with @Personal is not a joke... and up to 4 times a day, if I remember correctly...


Not quite I wouldn't have time to post on TAM if I did that all of the time.

No it's more like a minimum of 4x a week which is incredibly rare. With 6-7x a week being our most common frequency, yet we will still often share sex at 8-9x a week.

Although on occasion with rostered days off, or time away together we will most often manage anywhere between 2-4x a day. Although it's more usual for it to be 3x a day rather than 4x a day.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Noman said:


> I'm really _hoping_ the "bend her over" comment above is just a joke.


It's not a joke, in my experience with various sexual partners, it is one of many erotic ways to initiate sex that is extremely well received.

I mean it's easy, I just walk up to my wife if she is near a table, bed, rail, wall or chairs edge and I move her body to face away from me if she is facing me. I then grope her breasts, kiss her down the nape of her neck, bend her over, then lift her skirt/dress and pull her knickers aside. To then run my fingers lightly on her vulva, and as I pull my hand away I grip her backside and part her bum cheeks slightly. followed by grasping her knickers again, to pull them down and then I carry on as I like.

I like to mix it up, so that is one of a kaleidoscope of varied ways that I initiate. Since if I only did that, it would become boring for all involved and certainly wouldn't be well received as a consequence.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Noman said:


> As for _asking_ for sex, that's a sign of weakness, not a good idea.


I'm so glad my wife and I are weak people. Since if we were strong, we wouldn't ask each other for sex, which would lead to less sex for us.

So we both will ask each other for sex, or to "f" word, Or if we want specific things we will ask for specific acts. So if I want my wife to rim me, I will say "can you lick my ass?" or "can you to use your tongue in my behind". Or my wife will say things like "I would like you to **** me in the ass".

That said we will also, tell each other to do things, in the hope that the other will do said thing. So I will "say get on your knees" or "put my **** in your mouth" etc.

And so it goes on for the very many varied sexual acts that we share together.

There's also a lot of other sexual banter, comments, suggestions, requests and directions.

That said, the idea that it's weak to ask, seems self defeating to me.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

We have tried signals and stuff when trying to improve frequency (from her). I am DTF 24/7 so I don’t need a signal.

These days if she feels like PIV she’ll come to bed and not put pajama bottoms on, so just panties and she’ll lay on me and maybe grab my junk. That means PIV yes (yesterday).

PIV no, she will wear more clothes and come to bed. In that case normally she will offer a BJ but can sometimes be heated up into PIV.

Last case is no way no how. Then she doesn’t come to bed at all. Sometimes I will send her a text asking if she is coming to bed. This works 50-50, but normally only for BJ.

I like to think I can influence one of these things let’s say by leaving a vibrator charging where she can see it; but success there is mixed.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ccpowerslave said:


> These days if she feels like PIV she’ll come to bed and not put pajama bottoms on


That's interesting, I don't get signals like that from my wife since she mostly sleeps naked.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Personal said:


> That's interesting, I don't get signals like that from my wife since she mostly sleeps naked.


My wife stole one of my sweatshirts which is clearly too big for her. I call it the “no” sweatshirt. If she’s wearing that she is not likely to be responsive. So I don’t initiate into that.

Another signal for her is she has specific panties I bought her (for me). If she is thinking about sex that day when she gets out of the shower sometimes she’ll wear one of those pairs. In that case it’s not uncommon for her to tell me and/or show me when I see her at lunch. “Look what I’m wearing.” ✅. That means 100% g2g that evening.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Wow @ccpowerslave that's awfully complicated, though it's good you know where the landmines are.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> I could put the entire Shakespeare collection out and my wife would not be interested...


Maybe she doesn't like Shakespeare??


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Personal said:


> Wow @ccpowerslave that's awfully complicated, though it's good you know where the landmines are.


Initially it seems that way but it’s not really. The least complicated of which would be if she initiates however that is relatively rare.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

So if you have a partner who isn't willing to initiate, and you introduce the idol as a way to signal a willingness for sex, well, that's just asking the unwilling partner to do something they are unwilling to do. And the idol never sees the light of day. experience talking here.
Now if you have a partner who is willing to initiate, then almost any other method of initiation is preferable to idol placement, so once again I can't see any reason any one would use the idol.
But , having said all that we did try it long ago, case one prevailed.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

LisaDiane said:


> Maybe she doesn't like Shakespeare??


She is British... every Brit likes Shakespeare...


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Personal said:


> Nope. We just have at it.
> 
> So I just bend her over and pull her knickers down, or she will pull her knickers down and bend over. Or any of the other direct numerous variations with which we begin.


I think the best dynamic for ME would be, if my partner and I are both healthy and committed, having sex is ALWAYS a possibility and welcomed, no matter who's idea it is to initiate. Refusing should be the exception, and being open to enjoying sex anytime should be the rule.

I haven't done much initiating, especially with my STBX, because he was so quick to reject any hint of sexual interest on my part unless it was all HIS idea...so when I find a new partner, I am hoping to find a way to heal that fear I have and be more brave and open about MY desire. 

So to me, using a tool or trying to be indirect the way the OP described might be counter-intuitive. It seems like a crutch or a way to hide our sexual feelings, asking permission to have desire in a way. It probably works fine and even can be cute or fun for sexually healthy couples, but if there are any issues between them, it might be able to be used as another barrier to being open and feeling free to be fully sexual partners.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Noman said:


> Years ago I read about a couple who had a book that either partner could take out of the drawer and leave on the nightstand as a signal of interest. It seems like it would be a pretty good method of initiating non-verbally.


Good methods of initiating nonverbally would seem to be body language, touching, kissing, etc. Walking around naked or in a sexy outfit. You know, general behavior that says "I want to have sex with you." without saying a word.



Noman said:


> I'm really _hoping_ the "bend her over" comment above is just a joke.


Why? 

It's so awesome! My husband does as @Personal describes and it makes me feel sexy, powerful, desired. It's hot and fun and feels so damn good mentally and physically I couldn't imagine life without an occasional "bend over" session.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Signal earlier today, I ask my wife what she wants for lunch. She picks, then let’s me know she’s wearing a bra I got her. Says it’s comfortable except that it’s kind of see through.

Me: It is? What a shame!
Her: <wry smile, bats eyelashes at me>

Signal received, it’s on later!


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Noman said:


> Do any of you use a special item that is normally hidden, but can be placed in plain view when either partner 'wants some'?


Seems like hubby would just leave it out 24/7.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

DownButNotOut said:


> Seems like hubby would just leave it out 24/7.


Lol!!! That reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when Elaine tells Jerry about her date, "HE TOOK...IT OUT"...and Jerry was horrified! SO FUNNY!!


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Noman said:


> Do any of you use a special item that is normally hidden, but can be placed in plain view when either partner 'wants some'?


Sounds like a stupid gimmick to me. Just learn how to initiate and escalate, you will be much better off.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

OP, I know nothing of your back story but your question reminds me of this. YMMV. 

Ladies Please Respond - The 3 "Special... 

Details was an awesome guy, I haven't been in touch in a long time but fear his wife may have been taken way too soon. (@BrokenVows, do you still have contact?)


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> You think my wife coming up to me and saying "F#@% me now" is a sign of weakness?
> Her weakness or my weakness?


Let me 'splain: I have the penis. If you're connected to the penis, then asking for sex is a weakness, just two knees away from begging. Just my belief.

Like in the movie _The Gentlemen_ when Matthew McConaughey says, "Any chance?" It doesn't make sense. The King of the Jungle doesn't ask.



Personal said:


> No it's more like a minimum of 4x a week which is incredibly rare. With 6-7x a week being our most common frequency, yet we will still often share sex at 8-9x a week.


Holy crap, are you two part goat?

I officially recognize you both as Certified Sex Maniacs. Would you like me to send you an official certificate?

I'm also going to guess you are at the farrrrr end of the bell curve.

And...I'm also going to admit I'm insanely jealous.

I hate you.



Personal said:


> So we both will ask each other for sex, or to "f" word, Or if we want specific things we will ask for specific acts. So if I want my wife to rim me, I will say "can you lick my ass?" or "can you to use your tongue in my behind". Or my wife will say things like "I would like you to **** me in the ass".


PLEASE tell me you two live alone.



Mr. Nail said:


> So if you have a partner who isn't willing to initiate, and you introduce the idol as a way to signal a willingness for sex...


Once again, I do the initiating & she's not an unwilling partner.



MJJEAN said:


> I couldn't imagine life without an occasional "bend over" session.


You encourage me. I will add this to my list of goals.



DudeInProgress said:


> Sounds like a stupid gimmick to me. Just learn how to initiate and escalate, you will be much better off.


Was there awhile back, life happened, now I'm trying to get back there.

*FINALE:*
I'm going to give the 3x5 cards a try. I already have a bunch of ideas varying from mild to kinkay. Should allow for progress.

I've already ordered the Erection Flag (Note: This is replacing the poorly named Immunity Idol.) I don't plan on using it as a signal, but it will look great hanging in our dining room.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Noman said:


> PLEASE tell me you two live alone.


No, our young adult children still live at home.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Mr. Nail said:


> So if you have a partner who isn't willing to initiate, and you introduce the idol as a way to signal a willingness for sex, well, that's just asking the unwilling partner to do something they are unwilling to do. And the idol never sees the light of day. experience talking here.
> Now if you have a partner who is willing to initiate, then almost any other method of initiation is preferable to idol placement, so once again I can't see any reason any one would use the idol.
> But , having said all that we did try it long ago, case one prevailed.


There's a sort of middle ground where it works - my wife is responsive but doesn't initiate often.
She knows she should initiate regularly somehow (i.e., she knows she really enjoys sex once it's on) but generally won't initiate, so instead gives me the 'all clear' for ME to initiate, by displaying the idol.

There's a twist we came up with though - the default idol state is 'displayed'. It's only actively taken away due to illness, work schedule issues, etc.
A bit like @ccpowerslave 's case w lingerie vs large t-shirt, but she's not willing to be quite so forward about it.
Anyway, the 'all clear' with the twist works very well in our case.


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Personal said:


> No, our young adult children still live at home.


HOLY ****!

I smell a reality show a-brewing!

PLEASE let me be the Executive Producer!


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Noman said:


> I smell a reality show a-brewing!


Why?


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Personal said:


> Why?


It sounds like you have an interesting household.


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