# Just caught her



## Antojitos21 (Jan 22, 2013)

My 40 year old wife has had a relationship with a much younger man. I caught her by checking her texts on her phone. Got the pleasure of seeing videos of them together intimately. It was like getting punched in the stomach by mike Tyson. I had to keep it to myself for a couple of days to not ruin an important family event. The day after the event I'm home with her sick mom and nephew and she allegedly goes to work. After she got home I find out she went out for dinner with the other guy. Well dinner plus! I couldn't take it anymore. Did not get the family involved out of love and respect for them but I confronted her. She is sorry, and I feel like a fool because I lover her still. I gave her two options: get out now, or lets work it out and he's finished. There are money considerations and neither of us can make it right this minute on our own. Bills are paid but not much extra to move. But if she stays and I catch her again it'll hurt deeply. She swore that she owed it to me to stop seeing him. She also said she owed it to herself to do so to see if this can be worked out. One point, I feel guilty because I've had physical issues that prevented me from taking care of her intimately. I have diabetes and I am only now seeking help.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Post the OM on cheaterville.com, any guy who'd cheat with a married woman deserves to be on there.

Is the OM married? Contact his wife an let her know he has been cheating on her.

Make a backup of the texts and videos and store them out of the home in a place your wife can't get to them.

How do you really know she is stopping cheating?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Anto

I have diabetes. I feel for you.

But I have to say my wife never stepped out on me!

So your wife needs to step up, truly end her Affair with the OM.

And you need to verify this.

Then you need to go to the Drs. and get your medical issues worked on.

So do not accept her excuses anymore and get your issues straightened out.

In fact when my wife questioned my desire for her one night I felt horrible. Admitted my health issues to her.

My wife marched me to the doctors the very next day. A day later I was diagnosed a diabetic.

That is how your wife should have reacted.

Stay firm and get in shape.

HM64


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## Antojitos21 (Jan 22, 2013)

I don't know. He's a single 30 year old guy who lives with his mom. Multiple arrests, a felony conviction, a restraining order, on probation, a warrant, and a suspended DL. But he can satisfy an older woman. She runs a restaurant and he works there. If its not just for the sex, she's gone totally crazy

I'm sure she will change her password on her phone. I only have her word. In our brief discussion. Before I went to work, she promised it was over. She added that if it doesn't work between us she can't be in another relationship. I want to believe her, but I have my doubts.

I pay all of the bills ad barely make it. She makes enough for her car, cellphone and she helps her mom and college aged nephew who I love like a son. We helped raise him. Her mom is sick with cancer. Love her too. Always treated me like a son. Her health insurance is through my job. If she leaves, she needs some start up cash, rent, security deposit and all that comes with a place. Plus no insurance and she's had some minor health issues this year. When he's home from college he stays with us and when she is sick or receiving treatments she does too

If she gets caught again, her family will be told by me why she's gone. Plus she loses everything. She has incentive to behave, but I have some doubts.


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## Antojitos21 (Jan 22, 2013)

Together 17 years, married 15+ and no kids.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> She swore that she owed it to me to stop seeing him. She also said she owed it to herself to do so to see if this can be worked out.


She "owes" it to you to be a faithful wife who took her marriage vow. You cannot be so quick to reconcile. Most likely she will only lie and cover up the affair and make it harder for you to find out. You must expose her action to your family and find out who the OM is to expose him as well. 

If you don't expose there actions you are only protecting and enabling there affair to continue again in the future. SHE OWES IT TO THE MARRIAGE TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES OF HER ACTIONS. (exposure is part of it)


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

> If she gets caught again, her family will be told by me why she's gone. Plus she loses everything. She has incentive to behave, but I have some doubts.


Why wait, do it now. Or tell her she has to do it.

As part of her Reconciliation.....


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

If she doesn't fire him pronto - kick her asss out immediately.

Don't put up with ANY krap - he's gonna go hard at her. If he's such a bad ass drugs might be involved. She may just be sweet talking you until she makes a more solid plan with the sleezeball


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Please verify: the OM works with your wife at a restaurant she owns? Or does he work with his mother?

If it's the former, SHE fires him with you standing beside him, you take the keys he has and you have a couple cops there as you formally tell him that he is no longer welcome there and his presence will be reported to the police.

If she quibbles even a little bit, start the exposure. Tell his mother. She knows her son is a sh*t but more can be added.

As far as her excuses go...she could insist on the doctor. You could have used a strap on or other toys. You could have orally satisfied her. So that doesn't cut it.

Now totally outside of her sh*tty sh*tty actions, you have not been 'manning up' with your responsibliites. You know you have health issues and yet her needs weren't important enough for you to do...whatever. You are not too good to lick a clit. You are not too busy to see a doctor. Choose one or both.

Tell me, was the potential embarassment of asking a doctor for some pills worse than the pain of finding out that wifey was playing 'hide the salami' with someone else?

Again, she has no excuse. But you let some important stuff slide.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> If she doesn't fire him pronto - kick her asss out immediately.


That could get legally tricky. If he can prove they had a sexual affair (there is already visual evidence), then she could get in trouble for firing him. At the very least, she could be fired too. Maybe that is what it takes. It could be one of her consequences.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

I'm no lawyer but unless he has a contract, she should be able to fire anyone for any reason - or no reason at all.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> I'm no lawyer but unless he has a contract, she should be able to fire anyone for any reason - or no reason at all.


I'm not a lawyer either, but what if she is not the owner? If he is vindictive and there is a no frat policy, then if there is evidence, I would think he could pursue getting her fired for breaking the rule. Just curious.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

SaltInWound said:


> That could get legally tricky. If he can prove they had a sexual affair (there is already visual evidence), then she could get in trouble for firing him. At the very least, she could be fired too. Maybe that is what it takes. It could be one of her consequences.


People get fired all of the time for any number of reasons. This is NOT legally tricky. Especailly if he is a felon and so on.

But if he stays she must go.

I am amazed at the excuses folks have for staying in contact with affair partners.

If a marriage is the number one priority then all else does not matter.

I mean take note ... they have no kids. It is all about supporting her family. Really?

He pays most of the bills and she is banging some low life!?

Hard to believe really.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

If you are gonna stay---you need to make sure she is an open book, problem is if she is into this guy she will find a way to go underground

If you agree to R---either she leaves the restaurant or he leaves the restaurant, and it happens YESTERDAY

Your wife doesn't have a whole lot of smarts bringing a criminal into all of your lives---you think he is just gonna disappear cuz she says so---I doubt it

You tell her family right now---she needs to be exposed-

---there are a whole lot of people with ailments---but true, loving, mature spouses do not go off and spread their legs for others, and destroy the lives of their ailing spouse.

One thing you need to know------if you are not harsh, and tuff as nails about this whole thing---she will either continue to cheat with this guy---or she will want sex with someone else in the future, if you can't provide it for her---so do not be so hasty--to just let her back in, and resume her life as it was, if she sees you are easy in handling this matter, she will know you probably will also do nothing in the future.

Stop worrying about how she is gonna get on in life---she sure as he*l wasn't/isn't worried about you---as she went off and spread her legs for her criminal lover, knowing she would destroy you, and she destroyed you willingly, enjoying every moment of it---and now she wants back---all of a sudden she is gonna make amends----sure---how about I sell you the London Bridge, if you believe her.

You need to let her know----if she so much as looks cross-eyed at another man---she is gone---and you arn't gonna do anything more for her, than the court requires.----If you don't follow these basic rules---you are just gonna continue on in the miserable existence you are in now.


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## Antojitos21 (Jan 22, 2013)

I thank everyone for their thoughts. This is very hard for me and being able to put it out there is helpful already. I was a little confusing in my posts. New to this. My wife's mother is the sick one and it is my wife's nephew I helped raise. 

The Om lives with his mother, and he works at a restaurant my wife manages. 

I am seeking help for my diabetes. Putting off what I needed to do was my fault. I think it's called denial. I did not live up to those responsibilities as a husband or a man. 

I don't see any good out of telling a dying woman all the details. As far as the nephew, he's a grown man and he should know. Love him like a son. If he feels the same for me, we will get through this.

As far is my wife... I don't know how I still have feelings. I thought of others as weak regarding this stuff. The best times of my life were with her.


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## Louise7 (Nov 8, 2012)

Antojitos21 said:


> I thank everyone for their thoughts. This is very hard for me and being able to put it out there is helpful already. I was a little confusing in my posts. New to this. My wife's mother is the sick one and it is my wife's nephew I helped raise.
> 
> The Om lives with his mother, and he works at a restaurant my wife manages.
> 
> ...


Your problems with intimacy no way entitle your wife to get her jollies elsewhere. From your original post, you say she's sorry. Yup, sorry she got caught. And you think she might change the password on her phone??? No. She is no longer to have a password on anything - phone, facebook, email - she tells you all of them or leaves.

If she cannot legally fire this guy, she gets another job and leaves. Other man lives with Mummy? That's fine - go tell her what her son has been up to. 

I know you are hurting but doing the hard stuff now may just save your marriage.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

I don't understand who people always think a persons boss will care if it not effecting the job,people are in business to make money not care about a persons social life,If he was a good worker there is no way I would fire him if I was the boss.

Your wife should quit after she finds a new job,because it sounds like you are stuggling with money and being homeless is not fun even though so that is a hard choice and you must think about all the consequnces that people on the board will not go through with you.


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## Witty_N_Willing2 (Jan 20, 2013)

The best times of your life shouldn't be only in your past, they should be in your present too. It sounds like it's more painful being with her due to lack of trust. I also believe there is some lack of self love involved at this time. You need to shore up your medical issues and take care of yourself completely, which will help you feel whole as a person who deserves 100% commitment and love. You can't receive love if you don't love yourself first. I wish you the best with this. I know it hurts.


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## Antojitos21 (Jan 22, 2013)

I know I am a good human being with faults. I have not always done my best as I have written here and I have made mistakes. I must think that I will be stronger, I will find happiness, and she will not define my life. 

I can hope to reconcile, but I know that's probably a long shot for most in my predicament. Maybe after I'm physically better, I may not want her. Who knows. 

I must be strong and stick to my guns no matter how much it hurts. It hurts a lot! 

Despite all that I love her. Despite what has happened I can't believe I write that and even think of taking her back. Am I crazy. Do others feel like me?

I am soo hurt and angry. Very confused. Very tired.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Antojitos, others do feel like you do now and you will feel a whole load of conflicting emotions - jealousy, hate, anger, grief, pity, forgiveness, desire. You name it - you'll feel it.

Loss of control is very stressful.

Start to take control back if you can. Get to a lawyer and at least *begin* the divorce process. This might give your wife the shock she undoubtedly needs.

Not to be too harsh, but you need to understand that your wife is still playing "hide Mr Wobbly head" with this man and you have to take strong and positive action to stop her from doing so.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Unless you have proof, there is no reason to believe she has stopped the affair. For a cheating spouse to say they have stopped usually means "damn, I have been caught, I'll be a lot more careful now."

Her working with him gives themn all the time and means in the world to knock off a piece now and then.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Why she didnt quit the job? Why he is not fired?


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

She needs a new job right away.

You need to verify the A is over and not just underground.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

dubbizle said:


> I don't understand who people always think a persons boss will care if it not effecting the job,people are in business to make money not care about a persons social life,If he was a good worker there is no way I would fire him if I was the boss.
> 
> Your wife should quit after she finds a new job,because it sounds like you are stuggling with money and being homeless is not fun even though so that is a hard choice and you must think about all the consequnces that people on the board will not go through with you.


Nope I wont go thru them with him BUT I did go thru them myself. 

So OP I do suggest that one or the other leave that job ASAP. NOTHING will be more expensive both personally or finacially than a divorce. IF she continues contact with him thats where you'll wind up.

AND YES, my H had to leave his job(and he was our sole support)to get NC or we were going to wind up divorced bc I couldnt take the constant contact and I knew there was NO way hed come out of it while right there next to her. So I CAN recommend this and understand FULLY the consequenses.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

First - You need to lay down some rules for her if you are going to give her the gift of a second chance.

1. No password on the phone that you don;t know. IF she puts a password you don't know - then ask her for it, and if she doesn't tell you, you take the phone and don't give it back.

2. You get to look at her phone anytime you want. anytime.

3.She doesn't delete stuff from the phone with out showing you what she is deleting first.

4. Either she leaves the job TODAY or she fires the OM today. If she won't do either - then she is choosing the OM and the affair.

I really don't see the affair as over. Sorry, but that was just way too easy on her part. Sort of "oopps, my bad, I'll stop, are we good now?" 

Check her cell phone , I bet she called the OM immediately and told him they'd been caught, and that she'll be talking to him about what they are going to do next to take it underground.

The fact that she video'd them having sex means she wasn't even trying to hide it. Why film yourself doing a crime unless you aren't afraid of being caught. - I'm sorry but I don't for a minute think it's over - it's just gone underground,

So the first chance she has she will be meeting up physically with him and "breaking up" which means sex. Advice: Check her panties for fresh semen , as you know from the videos they didn't use protection.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Like everyone has said, she is going to have to leave that job asap! You should let friends and family know what happened and ask for support in your marriage.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh, and your job is to locate where the OM lives and to contact his mother and inform her what he has done with your wife. 

Exposure my friend is very very important to killing affairs. This one ain't dead at all.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Antojitos21 said:


> I gave her two options: get out now, or lets work it out and he's finished.


I don't like this tactic, it gives them control still. You are saying that you need to M more than her since you are too readily able to forgive her. You just volunteered to be plan B. This shows her a weakness that she can exploit.

Your first reaction shouldn't be automatically forgiving them, they have to earn it. Your first reaction should be discussing separation (since what she did is grounds for a divorce) and leaving the ball in her court to convince you not to go through with it. 

You have to respect yourself before they can respect you. People only treat you as bad as you let them.



> She swore that she owed it to me to stop seeing him. She also said she owed it to herself to do so to see if this can be worked out.


She's been lying to you all this time and you believe her now?

Don't believe a word she says, she has to SHOW you. Her actions will tell you what you need to know.

Don't think for a minute she is going to shut off the affair like a light switch just because you busted her. She didn't stop on her own so she is still mentally in the A and will be for a long time. If she doesn't hate the OM and isn't disgusted by the A then you are setting yourself up for a false R.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Any problems in the marriage, money, sex, anything does not justify her cheating. I am sorry to tell you this but it is not over. A's for women do not just stop unless there is some big shakeups.

1. You need to expose. Tell this guys Mom and her Mom
2. Your wife needs to write a no contact letter and she gives it to you and you send it.
3. She needs to find anther job asafp!
4. She needs to be checked for STDS and you get the results.
5. You get to a Dr work on the Diabetes but tell you Dr everything that is going on.
6 MC and right now for both of you.

If she refuses any of this put her stuff on the street

She is in a fog about the A and it will not stop until exposed. After you caught her she contacted him again to tell him what happened and she will want to see him again for clousre. That is what women do and chances are she will sleep with him again.

You have to be a tough guy and you have to get on this stuff now


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> I'm no lawyer but unless he has a contract, she should be able to fire anyone for any reason - or no reason at all.


Only if they live in an "At Will" employment state


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

ArmyofJuan said:


> I don't like this tactic, it gives them control still. You are saying that you need to M more than her since you are too readily able to forgive her. You just volunteered to be plan B. This shows her a weakness that she can exploit.
> 
> Your first reaction shouldn't be automatically forgiving them, they have to earn it. Your first reaction should be discussing separation (since what she did is grounds for a divorce) and leaving the ball in her court to convince you not to go through with it.
> 
> ...


Pretty much all of this:iagree:


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Antojitos21 said:


> I don't know. He's a single 30 year old guy who lives with his mom. Multiple arrests, a felony conviction, a restraining order, on probation, a warrant, and a suspended DL. But he can satisfy an older woman. She runs a restaurant and he works there. If its not just for the sex, she's gone totally crazy
> 
> I'm sure she will change her password on her phone. I only have her word. In our brief discussion. Before I went to work, she promised it was over. She added that if it doesn't work between us she can't be in another relationship. I want to believe her, but I have my doubts.
> 
> ...


Ahhh, your WW stepped out with a thug. Me too. Just f*cking fantastic, isn't it?? I'm sorry you're here.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Antojitos21 said:


> She runs a restaurant and he works there. If its not just for the sex, she's gone totally crazy


If she's really hooked up into OM it's going to be very hard to stop cold turkey. If she's seriously stoping it *you will see signs of complete withdrawal* (depression, anxiety, swinging moods, detachment, despair...). Yes, like a junkie, not pretty. Otherwise, she's just cooling off for a while or keeping it low key and further underground now she knows you are into her.
So... on her back start snooping like crazy, keylogger, phone bill, her cell, GPS, VARs...

Tell her she's not the first unfaithful woman, she's the one to get info on her own about how to fix what she broke. There are books, online resources (keep TAM for you),therapists... Tell her the marriage is on hold unless she agrees to your minimun rules and she starts being active into fixing it. Tell her you are doing your thing and will evaluate her actions and effort while you process this massive betrayal.
The bare minimum demands to stop the divorce should be.
- Firing OM, immediately or quitting that job. Today. No excuses to delay it.
- NC letter to OM. Watch first from potential legal issues about into writting anything, she can do it by a 3 way call (agree before the extent and content of the conversation).
- Complete transparence to be sure she's not fooling you again. She becomes an apen book regarding comunication devices, passwords, etc and whereabouts 24/7.
- Complete disclosure of what was going on, from the start to the end, to your entire satisfaction.
- STD tests

After that.. watch from afar, a little detached, read the signs about how seriously she's about fixing it, whether she's actually remorseful. Taylor the 180 to your circunstances, detach in order to heal on your own. Take care of you.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Have her fire him first thing...

Then tell her family what happened.

If she can cheat on you, lying about it is no big deal either


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I cannot think of anything more trashy than a married woman making videos with her boyfriend. The ultimate in low class. Get tested for STD's.


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## Antojitos21 (Jan 22, 2013)

Latest update. 1st of all, after unloading some of my grief here, I finally slept all night. Thank you.

The password is off the phone. He made the videos and texted parts to her. I made an appointment for Thursday with the doctor. I put a spy app on her phone so I get all of her texts and calls. I woke up more clear and level headed today. I'm going to take care of my problem. I love her and I want her back and she knows that. But if she reaches out to him it's done.

I hope to get better physically. I am going to a therapist on my own. If she comes along for the ride great. It's what I hope for. If she wants the other guy, good riddance.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Antojitos21 said:


> Latest update. 1st of all, after unloading some of my grief here, I finally slept all night. Thank you.
> 
> The password is off the phone. He made the videos and texted parts to her. I made an appointment for Thursday with the doctor. I put a spy app on her phone so I get all of her texts and calls. I woke up more clear and level headed today. I'm going to take care of my problem. I love her and I want her back and she knows that. But if she reaches out to him it's done.
> 
> I hope to get better physically. I am going to a therapist on my own. If she comes along for the ride great. It's what I hope for. If she wants the other guy, good riddance.


Glad to see you're feeling better and trying to be positive. Just a heads up though if this is a newly discovered affair chances are she's not going to give it up easily.

If you do catch her screwing around again, do not tell her how you know or how you found out. Otherwise she'll just find ways to get around you and it will be that much harder to monitor her.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If they wrk together they don't need to phone to hook up.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

She's is NOT going to fire the guy.

Never going to happen.


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## Antojitos21 (Jan 22, 2013)

She doesn't have the authority to fire anyone. She contacted a previous employer and they said they can take her back at least part time for now. She has to give proper notice to her current employer because she'll lose commissions on events she booked and worked. 

Right now she's afraid of the videos he took with his phone. So she can't stay because she's afraid he'll show or has shown co-workers. I'm sure that's already happened. 30 year old dirtbag isn't keeping them for nostalgia.

Boy all this really wears a person down. It's non stop on my mind. I go from wanting to fight for my marriage to flipping a coin. Loving her to being angry and the hurt doesn't stop.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Just accept that the videos may appearon the internet, but you can bet they are or will be on the phones of half the male population in your town. There's just no escaping that little truth.

Did she form an emotional bond with him? Or was it only for the sex? Either way, after she gets over the initial shock of you discovering her affair she is going to miss him, thats why its important that he not be easily available.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Videos.. this is BAD.

Hopefully they will run their course and some day this will just be a bad memory.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> Videos.. this is BAD.
> 
> Hopefully they will run their course and some day this will just be a bad memory.


Oh well actions have consequences she will have to deal with the possible fallout.


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## Antojitos21 (Jan 22, 2013)

Her work is no where near where we live or I work. But the world being as small as it is today with technology who knows. 

Consequences is right.

Doing a lot of self help, as I have seen this as a sign to get myself right. Once the physical part is fixed, and I keep getting help for the mental part, I can only move forward. The pain can't get worse. 

I know this is far from over and there are many hurdles to clear. If she fails me then I suffer a little more, but I will be in the best position to heal from it. I got run over by a bus this week, and that will not happen again. 

I guess you can say I am hoping and praying for the best, but I will be prepared for the worst. As strong as I feel right now, who knows, I could be crying in an hours. It's a roller coaster ride. 

I know from our good times, how I want to feel in the end. I know what is possible in my heart.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

My wife and I had a terrible rough patch. We weren't screamers but there were nights when I dreaded getting into bed with her.

She hated me and I wasn't too pleased with her either.

Well...we've mended fences. We are better than we have been for years.

And yet...having been to that brink of divorce, there is this hardened calloused part of your heart which tells you that if X happens again, walking away...letting go...it will be easy. It's having to let go the first time that's hard.

Which is probably why second marriages fail so often.

It will never be what it once was. That doesn't mean it can't be good.

What a stupid stupid woman.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Me gusta tu nombre.

Look man, you have the right attitude. Give it a shot. Whadda have to lose right?
You only live twice. Your old life, your old wife ended with her cheating. And documented for all time in electronic form. 

For all you know the OM sent a copy of the video to his cousin who is stationed in Japan and your wife is now a minor celebrity in bars around the the Pacific rim. You can't do one blessed thing about that. 

Your new life begins today. Whadda want? It's a new day. Whadda you gonna do?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Follow your doctors instructions. Did you tell him what you are going through, they can help there too.

Join a gym and take it seriously, nothing will make you feel better physically and mentally, just do it right.

Get a new haircut/style.

Buy some sharp new clothes.

Check out some new hobbies you have put off.

Get the free consult from an attorney and let your wife know you have talked to one.

Take charge.

Read Married Man Sex Life, yesterday. You can get the book and download at amazon.com. It is NOT a sex manual BTW.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I hope those commissions are worth your marriage because her going into work and him being there is playing with fire while wearing a gasoline jacket.

My advice is fir her to go to the boss and explain the situation, including the videos and have her see what she can get , and take it even if it is zero.

That is a direct consequence of her cheating. It's also choosing the marriage over money. Not to mention you could be getting played with her using this an excuse to stay longer and continue contact with the OM.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh and honestly anyone stupid enough to let their AP record them cheating quite obviously intended to be with the AP for a long time, otherwise they wouldn't trust them to film it.

This I'm afraid is a huge redflag that the affair isn't just going to end like she claims.

Did you save the videos before she deleted them? Because then you have the ability to threaten to show the too, for instance to his mother.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> I hope those commissions are worth your marriage because her going into work and him being there is playing with fire while wearing a gasoline jacket.
> 
> My advice is fir her to go to the boss and explain the situation, including the videos and have her see what she can get , and take it even if it is zero.
> 
> That is a direct consequence of her cheating. It's also choosing the marriage over money. *Not to mention you could be getting played with her using this an excuse to stay longer and continue contact with the OM*.




:iagree:

What kind of shame she brought to her family.......wah.

Dont trust a word she says , verify everything. I dont think that she is going to end it cold turkey.

Any way your wife is now the time pass of many men around the town and at work. Ask her to look back while walking to see her co workers men and women laughing at her back. You too should look back occasionally to see the same. Our beloved spouses can also pay back like this.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I am glad to hear you are going to IC. I started out going myself and my wife joined me after about 5 visits on my own. Guilt held her back at first. 

I had to deal with some pictures ending up on the internet myself it is hard to deal with but you can move past this. I still have not heard you mention exposure. My friend I know this is hard but unless both parties are exposed there will be fishing expeditions from him or her in the future. Sunlight really kills A's

Stay on top of her, things can be rough and emotional the first few months as you move past this.


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## Antojitos21 (Jan 22, 2013)

Well another day passed and a little less stressful. The app works great. She blocked his number. Her texts were basically normal small talk to some family, friends and to me. Calls the same, except some were customers booking parties. 

Tension in the air at home. Goes from normal conversations to a small argument after I asked a question. She apologized. I explained that although I want this to work, I'm normal and will have questions. 

Trying to get some feelings out of me and from her. Still hurting. More hours at old job, less at the place with OM for next week. She's taking less appointments and it looks like she's trying to fade out of the picture there.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Antojitos21 said:


> Plus she loses everything. She has incentive to behave, but I have some doubts.


No, she has incentive to lie.

Read some more threads, comfort and money mean NOTHING to people in an affair..


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> No, she has incentive to lie.
> 
> Read some more threads, comfort and money mean NOTHING to people in an affair..


So true. One WW even had health issues and would lose her insurance, but the OM was more important.


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