# need womens opinion: married coworker signs of intent?



## Rob1234 (Oct 12, 2008)

Hello -- a newbie here with a concerning question. I'm a 30 y.o. M, married. I've been friends with a F coworker for four years. She is late-40's, married with kids. Over the past year, we have grown close, exchanging emails and texts frequently. She's quite attractive, but I would never ever ruin my wonderful marriage by even "thinking" about cheating. I mean sure, I've thought (fantasized) about it, but that's all.

She always mentions how wonderful I am to be there for her to vent about work, kids, husband -- things she "can't tell her husband" about. Now her husband is 2 months into a 9 month stint overseas, and she has been emailing me at all hours to sharing very personal information about her family and life events. She is very affectionate with me, although we've never been physically flirtatious.

I've never been a 49 yr old woman -- my question is this: am I simply a "friend" in her eyes, or something more? Do married women feel it's OK to bond with younger men from work? Do I have anything to worry about? Thanks for the help.


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## Rob1234 (Oct 12, 2008)

Thanks for the advice, Mommy22. I needed to check my head and see if this is really an issue or not. 
I do value our friendship, so I don't want to lose that -- but I want to keep my marriage healthy more than anything.
So, the question now is do I bring it up and clear the air (possibly risking our friendship if she's defensive) or do I wait and simply think of a clever way to cool things down if she ever tried for something more?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Just let her know that you do not want to emotionally bond with her and risk your wife misunderstand your friendship.

draconis


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## Rob1234 (Oct 12, 2008)

Yeah, thanks for the suggestions. We do both talk about our SF often. In fact, we've all been together a few times for dinner and drinks -- he's a great guy. 

She asks about my wife often. The mixed signals are baffling. I think I'll continue to casually mention my wife / her husband and proceed with diplomacy. Hopefully that way no one gets hurt??

Thanks again for your help.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I definitely agree with talking about your wife, but only in a positive way...from what you've said, any negative discussions (even if you are innocently venting about something) have a good chance of sending her mixed signals. Since you have fantasized about her, I would also put some personal boundaries in place with her (do not spend time going to lunch, after work, etc. alone with her) so that you don't put yourself in a tempting situation.


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## Hurting08 (Oct 9, 2008)

I would also be careful with your own wife. While your intentions in this friendship may be strictly casual, if your wife found the email chain, she may not take it as that.

If your friend is telling you things that she wouldn't tell her husband, you may want to be the friend she needs and encourage her to be more open with her husband about those things.


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## Aussieflower (Oct 16, 2008)

I see trouble ahead if you aren't careful.

Would you be happy to print out all your and your co-workers emails and let your wife read them?

You are getting close to some boundaries that may greatly and fairly upset your wife.

Good luck with your problem.


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