# Men & Affairs



## pearl18 (Apr 3, 2010)

I have searched all over to read about men's reactions/feelings to having an affair...whether physical or emotional. Mainly, I want to know what they felt was happening that lead to the affair, what they felt during the affair & what they felt after the affair (guilt, still think of her?, sadness, hard to get over?, etc)? 

Seems like I read a lot about women in these situations and from men whose wife's have cheated on them. I really would like to hear from the guys who have cheated. (They need to add an "anonymous" answer option on here).


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## helpintampa (Apr 13, 2010)

Most men when they cheat is becuase they feel like they are not getting attention at home. They first time when they do cheat they do feel a little guilt, but as they continue it get easier. And does think about the other woman or women? Well sometimes yes. And the reason is because he is wishing that he is getting the same kind of attention that his GF is giving him from his wife. Now this is not all men, but I would say most. Some cheat because they cant keep it in their pants and those are the ones that have no guilt.


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## MyDog8em (Apr 5, 2010)

Well I can't really speak for myself, in our 9 years of marriage, I've never even thought of it or allowed myself to be close to such a situation. I would have to be extremely miserable in one way or the other or in a completely sexless marriage for me to even think of it and even then I'm not sure I would be able to go thru with it. If it ever came to that point, I would have to talk to my Wife and tell her what and why I was thinking it and attempt to work out whatever problem we were having.

Now, to try to answer your question, if I were in an affair, I wouldn't be able to keep that to myself. I would end up telling my Wife what I was doing and hope for a good turn out in that discussion with her which would be highly unlikely. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt and probably wouldn't ever think of the OM again if my Wife and I were able to move past it successfully. If the OM was the reason our marriage came to an end, I would never want to see her again because she would always remind me of that, even tho it would be just as much my fault as hers.

Sorry if this wasn't much help, just my honest answer.



pearl18 said:


> Mainly, I want to know what they felt was happening that lead to the affair, what they felt during the affair & what they felt after the affair (guilt, still think of her?, sadness, hard to get over?, etc)?


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Interesting question way too far reaching for any blanket answer, but here are some examples of "guys" I know. 

We'll call one Chris! He is 38, married for 15 years the sole provider for 4 kids and a wife who is the eternal student with no job. There is a little bit of resentment on his part because she has 2 degrees he has no degree she brings in no money he brings down 100k/yr.......so in his eyes WTF the point?

Either way.......he's a player at 38 still. He chats with multiple woman, goes on little escapades every so many months, never serious, never permanent, a little "strange" as he puts it. 

Most guys that I know that cheat are like "Chris". They want some excitement, they like to play, and as a man I can relate. Before my wife and I were married "man *****" would have been a good adjective to describe me at the expense of many woman.

I have not met many woman that were "players" just for the sake of "getting with" new guys. That is the big difference. Ask most guys if there wife would let them, really let them no strings no tricks, which of course isn't the real world and I bet most would be out hound dogging around....chrisitian morals aside.

We're just wired completely different!!!.... imo they don't mean squat to the men doing them.

Then there are the real affairs the ones with the guy really looking and he's taken the bait hook, line, and sinker and may or may not leave his whole world to be with this new woman. I don't know many guys like this in fact I don't know any!

Good luck in whatever info your trying to get.


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## mommy2 (Oct 27, 2009)

Good questions - I can tell you what my H was feeling as I have asked him all the questions you are asking. This is completely his answers. Here goes:

_I have searched all over to read about men's reactions/feelings to having an affair...whether physical or emotional. Mainly, I want to know what they felt was happening that lead to the affair, what they felt during the affair & what they felt after the affair (guilt, still think of her?, sadness, hard to get over?, etc)? _

What was happening that lead to A? Well, the marriage was in total disconnect. We mostly fought or just talked about kids, etc. There was no "US." Sex life pretty non existent. When he tried to get close, I would accuse him of "groping" him. He felt like we were just roommates, not husband and wife. He said he would try to do things to make me happy and I was always mad about something. Started talking to OM to get her input, on what he could do differently, etc. Was also a bit depressed due to that and financial stress/strains with running his own company, etc. Felt I didn't love him anymore. She listened, felt sorry for him for how much he was hurting and then kissed him. He said he walked away right then. BUT then it felt so good to feel like he was attractive, loved and wanted. So, that led to more. Did he feel guilty? Yes, but he said it felt so good to have someone giving him that kind of attention he was starved of. 

Once the A ended and we reconnected as Husband and Wife and are back to the way were were when we were first married, etc. and now that he knows/feels that I truly love him - I asked him if he still thinks about her, etc. He said never. He has always been in love with me and attracted to me, just didn't think I felt the same. Said she is the farthest thing from his mind. I even asked if/when he sees her again won't that stir up feelings, etc. He said without a doubt NO. Not at all. I find that a bit odd and not totally believeable but he explained this way. He asked if when I am around old boyfriends now do I feel any kind of attraction to them. I said absolutely not, which is true. He said, "well, it's just like that." He would feel nothing. 

He was only sad/missing her the first morning after the A was discovered because I guess used to talk and/or text each morning. But ever since then not a thought or sadness. He said he knows now it was just lust/being in the moment because after that morning - he hasn't thought of her since. He is just so happy to be in love with me and knowing that I love him.

That's what I can tell you here. He still speaks ill of the Tiger Woods/Jesse James scandals and when he does I teasingly say, hey you're one of them! He says not hardly - he feels that is totally different.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

At least he stopped the affair when he was discovered. My H is denying despite overwhelming evidence and now he wants divorce. But before I had the proof my H tried to explain that he has not been happy for a while and that he has tried to talk to me which is not true. The affair started long before that talk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## silk-butterfly (Apr 10, 2010)

Well done Pearl in asking these questions. I am still having difficuties in moving on even after getting a divorce as I never got any answers to these questions. Before and after the divorce he totally emotionally abondened me hence the no answers and the big void left behind.I hope we discover some answers here. I know it would have helped me greatly if I had found this site earlier it would`ve helped me from feeling utterly lost and unable to understand what is going on. 

Take care and all the best in finding answers to your questions


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## pearl18 (Apr 3, 2010)

I think I would agree on this. There are men that cheat just for sex. But, I have also read that many do it because they feel unappreciated by their significant other. I guess I am still wondering what happens after the affair is over. Do men move on easily or do they still think fondly of that other woman. I guess I am thinking more about an affair where there was an emotional connection and not just physical.






helpintampa said:


> Most men when they cheat is becuase they feel like they are not getting attention at home. They first time when they do cheat they do feel a little guilt, but as they continue it get easier. And does think about the other woman or women? Well sometimes yes. And the reason is because he is wishing that he is getting the same kind of attention that his GF is giving him from his wife. Now this is not all men, but I would say most. Some cheat because they cant keep it in their pants and those are the ones that have no guilt.


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