# My boyfriend's mother was so rude to me on my birthday



## lookingforadvice12345678

My boyfriend wanted to take me camping for my birthday. So we went up to his camp early as everyone else (his family) was going to come up later in the day. 
For the first couple hours when we got up there early just him and I it was amazing. But then his family came up (his mom is constantly yelling), and everything went to crap.
The first night by the fire, N and I had it started already and we were making smores and I was going to sit back in the lawn chair he got out for me when his mom came out and said " N, where is the other chair? You need to find it or she can sit somewhere else. This is MY chair". I thought that was pretty rude because had she simply asked I would have gladly given her the seat.
Then the next day she got into an argument with N about something so stupid and it was so tense and not fun anymore and then she said something along the lines of "I yell, that's what I do, I always have yelled" and she looked dead at me and said "I don't care who doesn't like it. Deal with it". Basically she was being rude and mean to me the whole time we were up there and I wanted to leave early so I convinced N to go home so we can have the rest of the second night to ourselves at least in peace.
When we started to leave she looked at me and mockingly said "Bye L!".

The next day when everyone came home I was still upset about her turning my birthday weekend all about her so I just kept quiet and didn't say anything when they came home and she got an attitude about that and pulled N aside and said some pretty hurtful things about me and basically saying I have no right to be treating her the way I'm treating her and how I'm giving her dirty looks. N then yelled at her for her attitude and then yelled at me in the car and saying how I need to stop when I wasn't doing anything but keeping quiet and in the background.

Today, I was over his house and she was out. She came in and I decided to just leave and go to the car to wait for him and I her her say "see." and then he came out and started freaking out on me again saying how I don't understand and how I need to let it go and just be nice to her.
All I was waiting for was an apology for her making something that was supposed to celebrate my day about her.
But nope... I went in and apologized nearly in tears because apparently everything is my fault and went back outside again.
Then she was happy after that and she gets to pretend like nothing happend while I'm here without an apology and the though about how I gave her a formal apology... and for what? Being upset?


Should I get an apology or just let it go and continue as it is - pretending like nothing happened?


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## jh52

Welcome to the world of having "outlaws" -- even though you aren't married and he is only a bf. !!


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## lamaga

I don't know. This has "gee, I wish I knew the other side" written all over it, but really? What does it matter?

If you like this guy, then you suck it up. And if you don't, you leave him.


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## that_girl

I would say......look at this VERY CAREFULLY. I couldn't have this woman in my life forever. I'd probably have to break up with my bf. And I'm not kidding. ...that will be your life. Red flag. Get our now. He's whipped by his mommy and you'll never do right by it.


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## costa200

Could we possibly get some back story to this? What was your relation with the mummy before these events? Was it always like this?


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## Cyber Cheating Stinks

lookingforadvice12345678 said:


> Then the next day she got into an argument with N about something so stupid and it was so tense and not fun anymore and then she said something along the lines of "I yell, that's what I do, I always have yelled" and she looked dead at me and said "I don't care who doesn't like it. Deal with it".
> 
> When I was dating my husband, my M-I-L said to me, "I tell it like it is. That's the way I am."
> 
> I quickly replied, "So do I." and smiled at her.
> 
> You have every right to be disgusted. Maybe you have "Given dirty looks your whole life to abusive jerks, and that's just the way YOU are, and you don't care who doesn't like it. DEAL WITH IT!" Hmmm?
> 
> He will side with his mother if you come to blows, he already has. She will be the victor. That is what she wants. Stand up for yourself now. Don't demand an apology. That is water under the bridge. Next time, let her have it. "Who on earth do you think you are talking to? Don't you EVER speak to me in such a disrepectful way again. It is unacceptable. I treat you with respect, and I demand the same."
> 
> Try it. If he dumps you for mommy, you got away lucky. If he sticks by you, it is an epic fail on her part, and expect more strife. What do you have to lose? Your humility? Already gone. A boyfriend who thinks mommy is always right? Good riddance.


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## KI0159

I havent voted as I wasnt sure what option to go for.

I have noticed the majority of girls (including me) dont seem to get a long with their other haves Mothers. Its a territory thing that we just cant seem to avoid. 
I think me and my mil tolerate each other rather than get on.
I have learned it helps if I dont see her a lot

H and I have been together twelve years. First time I went to my H's house and met his Mother she said something like 'nice to meet you, please take take your shoes off before you come in to my house'! I get that its her house so her rules but I felt that right away she laying down the law.

Me and my mil are very different in every way We only real have her son in common. I used to think H would always side with his mom but it was over the years ( a lot of them) I have learned to just let things go over my head and not put H in a position where he had to choose a side. I am also hoping H notices this and that I come out as the better person.

Its a shame that you were made feel that you had to apologize. Thats not going to make you feel better about anything. I think things will only get worse if you try to get an apology from her but I can totally understand why you would want one. Its hard to say forget and move on as you probably wont forget, if you're like me - things will just niggle at you for ages.

I try not to give my mil any excuse to get upset with me or to coz bother with me and H but its not always avoidable.

Sorry not much help but I dont sympathise with you.


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