# don't know what to do



## develyn_66 (Nov 15, 2008)

My fiancee and i had a daughter 2 years ago, she was born two weeks after his father passed away. Now, we have been living with his mom, older sister and husband and kids, and his little sister for the last two years. 
I don't get along with his older sister and he knows how i feel about her. I always feel so depressed living here because it's his mom's house and i can't do anything on my own. I've stayed and been so miserable so our daughter could have mom and dad together but I can't take anymore. He won't let us move out because his mom can't afford to pay her house bills by herself. I am ready to leave him and try to start over with someone else. There is so much more to this but I'd be here all night. Can anyone give me any advice?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Sit him down and tell him that you can't handle being in the house, and that you need to move out to save your relationship with him. Assure him you love him, but you need space so that your family is your family not his.

draconis


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## develyn_66 (Nov 15, 2008)

I tried telling him how i feel, he usually makes me look like i'm selfish and uncaring. We've talked about everything but he just won't side with me. It's always my mom needs me and your just trying to make things worse then they are. I'm at the end of the road with trying to talk things out, it never gets anywhere.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Trust me it is always worth one last try, so you never look back and regret it. Sometimes it is how you talk to him too. Don't make him defensive.

"I need to move out because I don't fit well here. I love you but I expected we'd have a life together on our own. I know you want to do the right thing here, but I can't handle this anymore and need to have some solution to look forward too."

It will take the burden/bad guy off him and still convey the same message. If he doesn't listen, move out but let him know you are leaving him with a choice if his choice is to follow you than fine, but it is his choice, as you at that point have made yours.

draconis


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## develyn_66 (Nov 15, 2008)

thank you for your advice. I've tried telling him i'm leaving but he just told me to go. i said what about our daughter and he said i'll see her when i see her. i really want to make things work, i really do love him. he feels it is his responsibility to make his mom happy for the rest of her life. i was ok with living with his mom because i get along pretty good with her but i don't get along with his older sister. she hated the family until dad got sick, then she came back and now is like a god around here. she can do no wrong but everything i say or do is wrong. i'm so miserable, i just want to have a happy family without the advice or opinion from the rest of the family. we can't even go anywhere without telling someone where we're going, when we'll be back, and so on. i feel like a teenager living with someone else's family. i really don't know what to say or do for anyone anymore.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Is there a place, maybe your family you can go for now to see how a seperation would work? If he might "see the light" and "miss you and HIS daughter?"

draconis


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## develyn_66 (Nov 15, 2008)

i have no where to go but on my own. my father passed away 11 years ago and my mom has five big dogs because my sisters are crazy and she is afraid to lose them. i can't go to her and i have no other family. i also lost my license for 3 years and can't drive until march. i am stuck here unless he agrees to leave with me. i said we won't get married until we can be on our own and when will that be and he said never. we had to good years before our daughter was born, now the past year or two has been hell. his mom got so upset a couple weeks ago when i convinced him to go with me so we stayed.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Talk to the local DHHS service and see what they might be able to offer you. Don't feel like you have no options. There are some there but you will have to be able to get there (DHHS). Also most towns and cities can help talk to town hall maybe they have someone that can point you in the right direction.

You can't drive until March 2009?

Do you work?

draconis


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## develyn_66 (Nov 15, 2008)

i work 30+ hours a week and am a recent tech school grad. i've been trying to get a better job so i can do whatever i have to do but nothing is working. his sister is so mean to her kids and it really worries me to leave my 2 yr old at the house when i go to work. his mom usually watches the little one but i always get the answer-well there is enough of us here someone will watch her. that is not very comforting to me. i don't want to even think about big sis watching my child. i can't tell his mom that because like i said before older sis can do no wrong.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I would still look into other options you might have,so that you do not feel so depressed.

draconis


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