# wierd, neglected in pictures on vacation



## mindy (Oct 29, 2010)

I know it sounds strange...we went on a vacation which was long, and my husband took one picture of me, and 250 pictures of the scenery. Made me feel really bad. A couple of shots were with me and him when initiated by someone else. he says that he did not shoot pictures because I don't like it...has anyone else had the experience feeling like their husband did not want to photograph them at all? It makes me feel so undesirable.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Yep, the last vacation we went on as a family. He took plenty of photos of the kids. Incidentally very few had me in the photo with the children. It really doesn't surprise me since he was texting one of the mistresses frequently while on this trip. What else is going on in your relationship?


----------



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Unless you are having other problems in ur marriage i would see this as a non-issue and i'd say stop looking for something that may not even be there. But if he's slacking in other areas i would have reasons for concern.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I don't think this is a "red flag", we go out on trips all the time, and I take lots of pictures of the daughter and the scenery, but when I'd point the camera at her, she'd put her hands in font of her face and turn around, so I stopped asking her. Not to be a jerk, but if she's uncomfortable, I won't force her.


----------



## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

Where did he get the idea that you don't like having your picture taken? Is there any possibility he got that idea from you? Perhaps he misinterpreted your statement about not wanting your picture taken at a particular moment to mean you don't want your picture taken ever.

No matter, now you've got him in a trap: he can't take your picture because you don't like having it taken, but if he doesn't take your picture, he makes you feel undesirable.

This kind of thing is EXACTLY why I say that problems in marriage are never about the "presenting complaint," and always about communication.


----------



## mindy (Oct 29, 2010)

My husband also has little interest in sex. He just does not make me feel attractive either. I am not crazy about the way that I look. I am resentful that he so opposed a tummy tuck after having kids. He has not supported a tummy tuck for about 18 years, and now my stomach is just ghastly.He tries, but is one of those people who does not easily give complements. I really don't think he finds me 'sexy' anymore. I feel like his companion more than a wife. He claims I said OK, if I wanted him to take my picture once, and that set him off to not take anymore pics. He was not even interested in pics of the two of us when other people on the trip offered to shoot. He allowed a couple but that was it. But, we have hundreds of shots of scenery. I just think it is very unsettling. When I brought it up, he blamed it on me and my reaction to one picture, where he claims I was not really interested, although I did not say no. I tried to take his pic, and he said no several times. I just think that perhaps not being interested in taking pics on a trip is a sign that one's partner is treating you like you are not even present. It hurt. We had a big fight about it, and he still doesn't understand how I feel.


----------



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

mindy said:


> My husband also has little interest in sex. He just does not make me feel attractive either. I am not crazy about the way that I look. I am resentful that he so opposed a tummy tuck after having kids. He has not supported a tummy tuck for about 18 years, and now my stomach is just ghastly.He tries, but is one of those people who does not easily give complements. I really don't think he finds me 'sexy' anymore. I feel like his companion more than a wife. He claims I said OK, if I wanted him to take my picture once, and that set him off to not take anymore pics. He was not even interested in pics of the two of us when other people on the trip offered to shoot. He allowed a couple but that was it. But, we have hundreds of shots of scenery. I just think it is very unsettling. When I brought it up, he blamed it on me and my reaction to one picture, where he claims I was not really interested, although I did not say no. I tried to take his pic, and he said no several times. I just think that perhaps not being interested in taking pics on a trip is a sign that one's partner is treating you like you are not even present. It hurt. We had a big fight about it, and he still doesn't understand how I feel.


Do you mind if we pry a little more? 
How old are you? 
What is your weight? 

My reasoning on this is, perhaps your body issues have made you slightly stand offish in certain areas. And i am NOT blaming this situation on you, but when my wife was at her heaviest 212 lbs, she didn't feel sexy, and she gave off the vibe of not being sexy and being disinterested in sex. She lost 60 lbs and felt 10x more attractive, so she no longer seen things that didn't exist.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Tummy tuck leads me to suspect the issue is skin that has not shrunk back up, not overweight issues. 

Rob sounds to me like he may have something here. And... can you save up for a tuck for yourself? I don;t know how much such a thing would cost. I know I am not at liberty to just go spend a bunch of money. We make big spending decisions together. But DH would have no problem with my saving out of my slush money.

I wonder if he doesn't support the tummy tuck if HE doesn't see the skin as an issue?


----------



## mindy (Oct 29, 2010)

Rob774 said:


> Do you mind if we pry a little more?
> How old are you?
> What is your weight?
> 
> My reasoning on this is, perhaps your body issues have made you slightly stand offish in certain areas. And i am NOT blaming this situation on you, but when my wife was at her heaviest 212 lbs, she didn't feel sexy, and she gave off the vibe of not being sexy and being disinterested in sex. She lost 60 lbs and felt 10x more attractive, so she no longer seen things that didn't exist.


I am 121 pounds and 54 years old. Yes, I do feel my body issues have made me standoffish to a point. I look like a petite person who is still pregnant even though my kids are grown. My husband has not supported ever the idea of surgery to correct my disgusting stomach. It is really bad...I carried twins. It has gotten worse over the years, saggier and I don't even want to look in a mirror. I hide my body most days. I look OK in clothes, but naked is really awful. Still, I don't understand why my husband thinks that it is normal to go on a trip and shoot hundreds of pictures of plants and lakes, and no pics really of us. It is just wierd. I guess I really resent his disapproval of my desire to change my body shape. He rationalizes that the surgery is expensive, that I would have to take off from work, that I might have complications, etc. I guess that if the situation was reversed, I would not be so opposed to one trying to improve their self image, and at least would attempt to make them feel that they were still attractive. I get more compliments on my clothes, makeup, etc from my kids than I do from my husband.I told him I could wear a burlap bag, and he would not notice. he does, however, point out icky stuff, like nose hair, buggers, bad hair days.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Either you are going to have to find a way to pay for a tummy tuck, or you are going to have to mentally find a way to feel good about yourself again. Confidence radiates all kinds positive energy around us. How can we expect others to respond positively when we are down on ourselves? Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Find a way to boost your self-esteem!

Also, I believe "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman applies here. Perhaps your love language is that of praise and affirmation. Your mate isn't providing that, so your "love tank" is on empty. What's your husband's "love Language"? Perhaps his needs aren't being met on that level, and he isn't providing what you need to hear. If you and your husband haven't already read the book, you may find it helpful at this point.

I really think there is a bigger picture here. Good luck feeling good about yourself again.


----------



## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

I think you are making more out of this than what it really is. He did take you on vacation. He may have felt like he sees you everyday, and has pictures of you. He will only get one opportunity to capture the scenery.

My husband is an outdoors person. He'd rather take pics of scenery, and animals than of people. Your h maybe a nature lover. Sounds like it if he took 250 pics.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Ask him just to take pics of your face, not whole body, with the scenery in the background.


----------

