# My Fiance finds me Unappealing



## Truly Unloved (Jan 20, 2010)

My fiance and I are getting married in Feb of 2011. When I met him i was a size sixteen... I am now a size 18 and he keeps asking me with a smile... "What size will your wedding dress be?"
I have also had acne since I was a kid and can never seem to rid myself of it. He will look at me and state " You have a ton of white heads on your face." and I will say something like yes I know... he will reply "Its nasty" 
He hurts my feelings and when I tell him he's being mean he says he's not. 
I know he sees me as unappealing.. why would he say things like that to me if he didn't?
We've been having such a good few months.. but it's hard to initiate him. When I want to have sex and I try to insist he always pushes me off. It makes me feel like I'm not worth anything... like I don't even need to be here. He has asked me that before as well. I feel like he doesn't want me around... like he doesn't love me anymore. But he keeps telling me he loves me... I don't understand.. thoughts?


----------



## Denien (Aug 14, 2010)

I do hope that you will think this through before committing to marriage. If you feel unappealing to him, if he hurts your feelings by "being mean", please take another, deeper look at the relationship.

I'm not saying that he doesn't love you, or that you shouldn't get married. Just...ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who makes you feel inferior....


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Making you feel like crap will be your life if you marry him.


----------



## Neverwouldhave guessed (May 5, 2010)

If need be, postpone the wedding until you are both in a better, loving place towards each other. If you haven't had a medical exam recently (incl. a dermatologist), get one. I am afraid the situation with your relationship will not improve if neither one of you sees what needs to be done to get it on track. I strongly advise that you do not marry someone who makes you feel this way. Odds are, it won't last and the heartache of divorce is far worse than breaking things off beforehand. It makes so sense to start a life together under your current circumstances. Best of luck.


----------



## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

His behavior before marriage will only intensify when the vows are done. Is this REALLY the kind of man you want to be bound to for the rest of your life?

This guy is an a--hole to you now, imagine what it will be like when he isn't on his best behavior anymore? Sorry to be blunt, but this is not a small issue.


----------



## yogachick (Aug 9, 2010)

I have had tremendous luck with TANDA light for acne. As far as the weight goes, eat healthy & and be the best you can be. IGNORE this man's insults and enjoy every day that God has given you on this glorious earth <3


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

And the cycle of abuse starts. He is breaking you down right now to the lowest common denominator.
Do you know what you started with your post with? Your dress size. Most people who post about getting married are gushing about their wedding and life plans. Not you. You posted about your dress size. Why? Because he made it the most important part of your nuptials. 
This has NOTHING to do with you. This has to do with his need to control, belittle and hurt you. If you think I am wrong, then read what you wrote about your fiance. 
He can tell you until the sky is falling that he loves you...but his actions don't back that up. He makes you feel unappealling, unloved and not worth anything. Your words. 
Honey, run screaming for the hills. You deserve a HELL of a lot better than this person is willing to give you, a lifetime of pain.


----------



## summer10 (Jul 15, 2010)

Well said, Brennan! This abusive behavior will only get worse. Love doesn't need to be "stated", it has to do with how the person makes you feel and I'm getting that it isn't "love".


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Thank you Summer...love isn't supposed to hurt.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Truly,

There can be no love without respect. No matter what size you are or were, someone would find you the prettiest, sexiest person alive. If that isn't the man you're with, you should re-think your marriage plans. 
Being single can feel lonely but being married to someone who finds you unattractive or who withholds affection is worse, by far. Your partner should make you feel better about yourself, make you feel loved, protected, cherished. If this guy isn't making your life better, what's the point of having him around? 
Please don't let this guy dictate or alter your self-image. Exterior beauty is fleeting, and therefore not all that important in the grand scheme of life. Age is going to steal it from all of us eventually and one car crash or fire, or serious illness could steal it today. You deserve to be loved and respected whether thin or heavy, acne or no acne. 
I'm in the Reserves and have been deployed a couple times. I know I'll go again. I don't know if I'll look the same when I get back or not but I know my wife will love whatever comes home. My wife has been everything from size 4 to size 18 and she's always gorgeous to me and I make sure she knows it. 
It's just cruel to intentionally make someone feel undesirable. Why would someone deliberately hurt someone they allegedly loved? Makes no sense to me.


----------



## careful (Feb 19, 2010)

There are hundreds of threads on this site from married people who are MISERABLE because their spouses are not affectionate or loving toward them anymore. I am one of these people.

You are dealing with this now, BEFORE you are even married!

It breaks my heart see that you are "Truly Unloved" at a time when your fiance should be at the peak of his affection toward you. 

Please listen to those on this site. This is not a size or acne issue. There are a million men who would trade their beautiful unaffectionate wife for a size 18 with acne as long as she respected and truly loved them. 

For many married men, their wives were perfect for the first few years then they slowly tuned cold. You have been given the chance to glimpse at your future for the next 70+ years. Do not allow this to go further. 

Run like the wind.

Careful


----------



## Eli_Erdwell (Sep 2, 2010)

Truly,

You're very smart to realize this as a problem and not just playful ribbing. As much as it must hurt to hear, I don't thinks man will ever be able to show you the love and affection every woman craves. If he says these things in joke and knows it hurts you, some would say 'old habits die hard'. But if he loves you, he'll make the change to make you happy.
Whether or not you see it this way, the way he belittles you IS abuse. Mental Abuse. Everything relaxes into a more consistant form after marriage, and if this is him on his BEST behavior with you, there is some definite rethinking to do. Sit and make a list of all the things you wish he would/ wouldn't do/ say. Pro's and Con's. My mom went to marriage counceling and this was the best trick they had. Then write all the things he does that you don't want to revisit everyday, like the jokes about your dress size.
Your body can only get so small before it becomes unhealthy. Maybe 16/18 is your body's natural comfy (if you get what I'm saying) For him to poke fun at it is just his way of saying 'you're less than perfect' which is unkind and harmful to you. God forbid you ever have children with this man and he turns these thoughts and words on them! Just something to think about. I hope things look up for you.


----------



## Liam_680 (Aug 31, 2010)

There are guys who are just purely insensitive. these type of guys think what they are doing is right but keep in mind that it is not his intention to hurt you but he's just being honest of what he thinks without consideration how it would make you feel. I mean he wouldnt be marrying you if he doesnt love your right?

My advice is to really talk to him and make him understand what he says and how it makes you feel. Just make sure that you say it in a kindly manner that do not have to end in an argument as this may make it even harder for him to understand your part..


----------



## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Dump him and move on. Loose weight, clear up acne, look hot and strut your stuff with a hotter lookin guy than him.
My mom always said, the best revenge is success.

If you marry him you will be his doormat, you don't want that.


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

This will only get worse after marriage. Much worse.

Stop. Drop. Roll.


----------



## Mandia99508 (Jul 15, 2010)

Denien said:


> I do hope that you will think this through before committing to marriage. If you feel unappealing to him, if he hurts your feelings by "being mean", please take another, deeper look at the relationship.
> 
> I'm not saying that he doesn't love you, or that you shouldn't get married. Just...ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who makes you feel inferior....


I totally agree with the above reply.

My husband thrived on making me feel inferior, and I let him. I constantly found myself saying "why are being so mean?" 

We're a little over a year in to our marriage, miserable and divorcing. I love him dearly, but I'm telling you honey, this kind of behavior is red flag for "do not proceed."

I know you probably worry that no one will love you and you're willing to settle because you love him, but you as a person are worth much more than a man who tells you you're nasty. There are many fish in the see, and there is no rush to find the perfect one. Trust me, you don't want to find out that the marriage was a huge mistake and go through what I'm going through right now, and to me it sounds like you will. 
Maybe give him a few weeks and test him unknowingly... tally mark all the time he puts you down and the times he makes you feel good. Seeing it represented numerically always helps me.

Either way, good luck. Keep your chin up.


----------



## Mandia99508 (Jul 15, 2010)

Brennan said:


> And the cycle of abuse starts. He is breaking you down right now to the lowest common denominator.
> Do you know what you started with your post with? Your dress size. Most people who post about getting married are gushing about their wedding and life plans. Not you. You posted about your dress size. Why? Because he made it the most important part of your nuptials.
> This has NOTHING to do with you. This has to do with his need to control, belittle and hurt you. If you think I am wrong, then read what you wrote about your fiance.
> He can tell you until the sky is falling that he loves you...but his actions don't back that up. He makes you feel unappealling, unloved and not worth anything. Your words.
> Honey, run screaming for the hills. You deserve a HELL of a lot better than this person is willing to give you, a lifetime of pain.


I also agree with this person.


----------



## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

This is not working on both sides. I happened to see a woman married for about 15 years who was heavy and has a certain vibrancy, perhaps sexiness, and one could see a happy marriage. Here one can only see depression, more weight, more belittlement, and unhappiness on both sides.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Hey, Bobby5000, you do realize this thread is nearly 5 years old, don't you?


----------



## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> Hey, Bobby5000, you do realize this thread is nearly 5 years old, don't you?


:laugh: maybe he doesn't


----------



## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

So did OP get married or what?


----------



## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

The funny part about this resurrected post is that since the OP started it she apparently married him, divorced him, lost weight, turned into a female playa, and last we heard she just said f*ck it.

Ok so yeah, Im sitting in a medical appointment waiting room full of other patients and apparently the dr hasn't even arrived yet. So I do have nothing better to do.


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

How do you know this thefam? I mean are you joking, or did that actually happen?

Btw, if people are not supposed to respond to "dead" threads, then maybe the site could find a way to "autolock" them if there is no additional input after a month, or something like that?


----------

