# Attitude, Hope, and proof



## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Attitude, Hope, and Proof


We all know the doom and gloom that betrayal can bring. I just read a post by Mrs. John Adams that to me shows great attitude, great hope, and great proof that doom and gloom is not for everyone. Here is a reprint of one of her posts below:







> Do Betrayers Really Ever Change
> 
> *
> By Mrs John Adams*
> ...


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Yes, indeed. There are those who want to make amends with all their hearts.

But let us also not forget they have spouses willing to try as well despite their pain and that is also noteworthy.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> Yes, indeed. There are those who want to make amends with all their hearts.
> 
> But let us also not forget they have spouses willing to try as well despite their pain and that is also noteworthy.


Agreed! Mrs. John Adams' story isn't unique. There are others as well. I can offer the B1/EI "reconciliation thread as another example.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Mr. Blunt..as always I am humbled by your thread.
> 
> Our story is unique because we are unique. But there are certainly others who have had successful relationships...you and your wife for example..have overcome.
> 
> ...


Mrs.JA I think you have a fan club here on TAM.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes Mrs. Adams you, and your husband, are an inspiration. 

If only we could bottle it, or box it and give it away freely so many marriages and so much misery could be avoided.


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## Cabsy (Mar 25, 2013)

I very much enjoyed reading your viewpoint in that thread as well. It was refreshing.

I do draw hope from your story, but it's also very sad. 30 years out and still dealing with a single event - that puts a lot of things in perspective. If only it could be undone...

Even if the triggers are mild and taking place in an otherwise healthy marriage, I'm not exactly thrilled to think that, IF things go well, I might hope for an outcome like yours some day.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> Yes, indeed. There are those who want to make amends with all their hearts.
> 
> But let us also not forget they have spouses willing to try as well despite their pain and that is also noteworthy.


I think many BS' would choose reconciliation if they had a remorseful WS doing the right things. That's usually not the case though. True remorse with no trickle truth or blame shifting is rare. 

BS' are angry at their WS' for not caring or owning what they've done. Then WS' at TAM who did own their mistakes are like salt in the wound to some BS' I think. That's why I think the WS' at TAM feel like they can never get past the label.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Thundarr said:


> I think many BS' would choose reconciliation if they had a remorseful WS doing the right things. That's usually not the case though. True remorse with no trickle truth or blame shifting is rare.


:iagree::iagree::iagree: Sometimes it's not even blameshifting as much as blamesharing...as in "well I had the affair but it was *partly* your fault." Anything less then 100% with no excuses is not true remose in my opinion They expect the BS to take some responsibility for the affair even if they do not say it outright. That drives me nuts. I th ink Mrs.JA embodies *true remorse* which is why we can see why JA chose to save the marriage. If more people behaved like Mrs.JA and JA I think more marriages could be saved.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Mrs. Adams, would you say that there was a specific post, thread, or book that stands out in your mind as being the most helpful in terms of helping you to sort of "turn the corner"? What was your "Ah-hah" moment?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Thundarr...when I first came here...I was scared to death...and very defensive. People would take what I said and twist it and i felt like I was being attacked. I said i was going to quit many times. I deleted my posts, removed my friends, took off my pictures...no less than 5 different times.


I liked the whole post. You pointed out a lot of things worth quoting and commenting on but I'm pretty simple so I just grabbed the first one .


How could you not be scared after a participating in a few threads. There's a lot of hurt searching for a target on TAM. A lot of BS' who never got the opportunity to blow up on their WS because the WS didn't own it. So you had a bulls eye on you. And then when you were feeling attacked and defended yourself, it probably got really bad. Kudos to you and other good people who made the terrible mistake. (notice I'm not calling you the W word) for still being here.


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