# Little considered consequence of infidelity



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I don't hear much about this... It really haunts me in a very strange way.

I read a article recently which was siting statistics regarding adultery. The article stated that 1 in 10 children are being raised by someone they believe to be their father, that isn't.

When I was about 30 my father told me that I was not actually a (insert my last name here). He said that my great grandmother whom I had never met had cheated on my great grandfather with a neighbor. That technically my liniage was the (insert neighbors last name) family....

I don't know why that 10 years later it still disturbs me somehow. I had thought I was one thing then as an adult I find out I know nothing of who my ancestors were, where they came from or anything else... i had studied my last name and had deeply identified with this name, what it meant, where it came from, I had even considered getting a family crest at one point (lol, disaster averted there!)...

It's somehow such an odd unsettling feeling, its like one of those deep questions every person has "who am i, where did i come from"... That is very clouded and leaves a feeling of "not belonging"? it even carries some residual shame because of the manner of my family line... I have passed my name to my little boy and he will always think he is a (my last name).... Someday he will pass it along his children...

Just thought I had to let that out because it does somehow bother me at a level I don't know that I'm capable of understanding or explaining...

Thanks great grandma....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

My mother found out when she was 16 that she was adopted. Her mother was her birth mother but her father wasn't her bio father. I don't know who my actual grandfather is, nor what name is from my mother's side of the family. Also, on my father's side of the family, my paternal grandfather was the result of an affair. My great-grandmother got pregnant by a married man (this was back in the 1920's) the married man never helped raise the child and she gave her son her last name instead of giving him the traditional male last name. So, yeah. I know how you feel. It's like I don't even know my true heritage.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

A few years ago my mom's side of the family discovered that my great grandmother took her husband's name "unofficially" only... her H, my great grandfather, and also my namesake, apparently was married to another woman in Europe whom he left behind to move to Canada after WW1 and start a new family with great grandma. My whole maternal lineage stems from my GG, the other woman!

Different story, one of my good friends was married (at the time none of us knew about his W's drug problems), had a two year old son, after a nasty fight she revealed that the child wasn't even his, she had an affair with his best friend within the first month of the marriage. He loved the child as his own but had to walk away because this crazy b!tch was psycho, wanted full custody (I guess to validate her mothering skills??) and also happened to have one of the most successful family lawyers in the province for a father.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

About two years ago, my youngest daughter, in a discussion about blood, told me that he doctor told her she has AB blood. I am O negative. So, there is no way I could father a child with AB.

Now, Ido not know if my daughter, who was 7 at the time, knew what she was talking about. But, I wondered how she would even know about blood types, unless she had been told this.

Add to it that she looks much different than my other 4 kids. She is taller and huskier, whereas me, ,y wife and my other kids are all fairly ectomorphic.

So, this is an issue for the betrayed men, I have seen a lot of guys wondering about this.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Arnold, have you had her blood type tested since this discussion?

What does your wife say about it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I take solace in the fact that mutt's are really cute and loyal.  lol. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Arnold, have you had her blood type tested since this discussion?
> 
> What does your wife say about it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That would be my XW, who, after I discovered she was having sex with her HS boyfriend, as well as the Schwanns Frozen Food delivery guy(in our house,after I would go to my second job at night), completely painted me black andd refused to admit anything(this despite evidence that no one could possibly deny((well she could, but she is a psycho NPD)).
And, I just decided to leave it all alone. I love my daughter and she would be devestated by this.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Arnold said:


> About two years ago, my youngest daughter, in a discussion about blood, told me that he doctor told her she has AB blood. I am O negative. So, there is no way I could father a child with AB.
> 
> Now, Ido not know if my daughter, who was 7 at the time, knew what she was talking about. But, I wondered how she would even know about blood types, unless she had been told this.
> 
> ...


This is so weird.My mind has been on this all day today as I have been alone on this Thanksgiving for the first time in 38 years. 
I have 3 children ages 37,32,and 29. The two oldest look alot like me but the youngest does not at all. She looks like the daughters of the couple that lived next door to us when the youngest was born. I had suspicions of the wife and him having things going on. And,my mother,who warned me of my wife spending alot of time over there while I was at work,took my wife,against my wishes to be fixed so there would be no more childeren. I was told it was because we couldn't afford to raise any more!
Is there any way to get a paternity test or DNA test done without letting this daughter know,in case she IS my child? I don't want to hurt this daughter if she is my child but would like to know because this has tormented since she has been born. 
I don't mean to hijack this thread but if anyone is reading and has an answer please give it here or PM me,please? BTW...I do remember our two daughters discussing this years ago and the oldest saying something about the different blood types.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My niece's boyfriend was just told about a month ago, at age 19, that his dad isn't really his dad. They claim the mom was artificially inseminated three times, for all 3 kids.

Apparently his dad is a whack job, though, so no one knows if he's telling the truth, or whether the mom cheated (that's my theory)

My middle son looks NOTHING like his father, my ex, whereas the other two could be his clones. My ex has seriously asked many times whether he's his (he is).

I also get told my daughter looks JUST like her stepdad.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> My niece's boyfriend was just told about a month ago, at age 19, that his dad isn't really his dad. They claim the mom was artificially inseminated three times, for all 3 kids.
> 
> Apparently his dad is a whack job, though, so no one knows if he's telling the truth, or whether the mom cheated (that's my theory)
> 
> ...


Don't you want to know? How can life be complete if this information is not revealed? Maybe I am wrong but wouldn't it be the only right thing to do to let the child and the betrayed non-biological father know this? It just seems inhumane to me.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Bart, you might inquire isf a hair sample would work , or saliva from a glass. The collect it, clandestinely. Maybe from a hairbrush.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> My niece's boyfriend was just told about a month ago, at age 19, that his dad isn't really his dad. They claim the mom was artificially inseminated three times, for all 3 kids.
> 
> Apparently his dad is a whack job, though, so no one knows if he's telling the truth, or whether the mom cheated (that's my theory)
> 
> ...


I have a nephew who was always told how much he looks like his dad (who isn't his real dad). His dad adopted him when he was a couple of years old. My nephew knows his dad isn't his real dad.

I think that they 'looked' alike because they both had the same type of glasses and they shared a bunch of mannerisms (walk the same, body posture, etc.). 

For all intense purposes, his dad is his real dad, except for genetics. 

I think sperm donors are over-rated.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Hey PIT - it ain't the blood or the name that makes you who you are. 

One good thing is it was a beautiful day here in the Bay Area!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Powerbane said:


> Hey PIT - it ain't the blood or the name that makes you who you are.
> 
> One good thing is it was a beautiful day here in the Bay Area!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And, the 49ers are going well.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> I don't hear much about this... It really haunts me in a very strange way.
> 
> I read a article recently which was siting statistics regarding adultery. The article stated that 1 in 10 children are being raised by someone they believe to be their father, that isn't.
> 
> ...


 
LOL, if these stats are right, after several generations virtually no ones family tree is correct and no one knows where they come from.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Powerbane said:


> Hey PIT - it ain't the blood or the name that makes you who you are.
> 
> One good thing is it was a beautiful day here in the Bay Area!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Indeed, it was. I caught up on yard work today.

And Yeah I know it means very little,... On the surface this is very easy for me to dismiss. I like myself... I have very little doubt who_ i am_ as a person. Still on a certain level, it's there. a certain uneasiness about where I can from. Like a weird glitch or blur in my core identity. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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