# The submissivness of Oral Sex



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

In my other thread, a few people questioned me about why I view my husband providing oral sex to me as a submissive act. In my opinion, its pretty clear. The receiving is all about me and my pleasure and satisfaction, he is submitting to me. Taking me into his mouth, getting his face "messy" because of me. He's this strong, proffesional man, and yet he can still bow down, in a sense, to satisfy his wife. That's wholly submissive in my eyesand incredibly sexy.

I'm just curious about how others feel about oral sex, giving or receiving, being seen as a submissive act. Do you feel its degrading to your partner to view it that way?
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

As I stated in your other thread, I don't see it as "submissive." I see it as fvcking awesome.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hmm... I've never regarded my performing oral sex on my GF as submissive. In fact, I would consider myself rather dominant with her in almost all ways sexually. Maybe I look at it more as "devouring" her... I'll have to ask her how she feels about it, if this thread doesn't get pruned. 

C
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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I replied in the other thread, but I'll do so again here.

I do view it a bit as submissive when I get one. It's something which, if done to completion, is all about me (for the most part). It is something done for me, to me, and I can enjoy it however I want. 

I don't view it negatively though, as in thinking less of her. If anything, I think more of her for allowing herself to do something for just me.

If it's the otherway around, I (as the giver) feel empowered by it. It feels great to be able to give your partner complete pleasure and to do so for just her. It's amazing to know you have your partner fully needy of you at that moment and any pleasure she gets is totally from me, by me, and I have complete control over her sensations and enjoyment.

If she however views me giving her oral sex as me being submissive, I'm completely fine with that. We both 'know' it's not a submissive thing, so if she wants to think I'm being submissive, go right ahead. Whatever helps you enjoy the pleasure more.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> As I stated in your other thread, I don't see it as "submissive." I see it as fvcking awesome.


Its definitely awesome, no doubt about that 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

No, I don't feel it would be degrading to view it like that. But if your hubby is have trouble with it may he does. Have you used the word submissive when talking him?

I'll try to think about next time in person (hopefully soon!), could be neat.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

PBear said:


> Hmm... I've never regarded my performing oral sex on my GF as submissive. In fact, I would consider myself rather dominant with her in almost all ways sexually. Maybe I look at it more as "devouring" her... I'll have to ask her how she feels about it, if this thread doesn't get pruned.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You should ask her about it, it'll be interesting to you to hear what she thinks I bet. I doubt my husband thinks he's being submissive, but I've never asked, I should though. I wonder what he'll say...
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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Ummmmm. No. Not submissive. It's a huge turn on for the giver, too.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I replied in the other thread, but I'll do so again here.
> 
> I do view it a bit as submissive when I get one. It's something which, if done to completion, is all about me (for the most part). It is something done for me, to me, and I can enjoy it however I want.
> 
> ...


That makes sense kingsfan, I think men usually like to view themselves as dominant at all times. So whether you're giver or reciever, you feel it is the dominant position to be in, I get that.

I thinks its probably easier for a woman to admit to being in a submissive position. When I give oral to my husband, I view it as very submissive and that's one of the reasons I like doing it so much to him, especially when he tells me to look at him while he "strokes my mouth", I hope its ok to use that term on here lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> No, I don't feel it would be degrading to view it like that. But if your hubby is have trouble with it may he does. Have you used the word submissive when talking him?
> 
> I'll try to think about next time in person (hopefully soon!), could be neat.


I don't think its degrading either, and I certainly don't think less of a him for it. A hot, hunky man wants to get on his knees to please me. How the hell could I think less of that! I haven't used the word submissive when talking to him about, I actually haven't really taked to him about it all...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

aribabe said:


> You should ask her about it, it'll be interesting to you to hear what she thinks I bet. I doubt my husband thinks he's being submissive, but I've never asked, I should though. I wonder what he'll say...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would say that I consider her giving me oral as her being submissive. 

I think part of it is positional. When she's receiving, she's usually in a vulnerable position on her back. When I'm receiving, I'm usually kneeling or standing, with her laying on the bed or sitting or kneeling in front of me.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> Ummmmm. No. Not submissive. It's a huge turn on for the giver, too.


Oh I'm sure it is a turn on. But being turned on doesn't mean you're not in a submissive postion
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

PBear said:


> I would say that I consider her giving me oral as her being submissive.
> 
> I think part of it is positional. When she's receiving, she's usually in a vulnerable position on her back. When I'm receiving, I'm usually kneeling or standing, with her laying on the bed or sitting or kneeling in front of me.
> 
> ...


You guys should try it with her in a more dominant position, I'm sure she'd love it. With her in a chair and you on your knees. Would you feel uncomfortable being in a submissive position like that for her?
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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I perform, he submits. 
Unless he says not to, which sometimes does happen.


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

I don't think that giving oral is degrading, unless the receiver is forcing the giver. 

I do see the submission in giving a man oral, especially if the woman is on her knees.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

This line of discussion makes me realize that my wife and I don't have strong submissive and dominant themes in our sex life.

A blow job, for instance, for us is a shared pleasure. It feels like vaginal intercourse. It's very interactive, in that I explore her body, and pleasure her as she's making love to my **** with her mouth. Sometimes she even cums from the pleasure she gets giving me a BJ (few experiences are hotter than this). It becomes so involved on both our parts that it doesn't even feel like she is in a submissive place.

Sometimes I take the "submissive" position of lying on my back, opening my legs, and letting my wife lie on top of me and thrust her body into mine, with my penis going inbetween her large breasts. There is no penetration, but it's like she's ****ing me missionary style. And this gets her off HARD, and turns a very feminine, ultra sweet woman into an aggressive minx; her whole body language changes. Yet even then, I don't feel "dominated", or like I'm submitting. 

Almost everything we do, regardless of the position, or the type of sex, feels communal in nature, and pretty equal in role. Nothing is done "just" for the sake of the other person's pleasure. Everything we do in bed together is for the pleasure of both.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

aribabe said:


> You guys should try it with her in a more dominant position, I'm sure she'd love it. With her in a chair and you on your knees. Would you feel uncomfortable being in a submissive position like that for her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The reluctance is on her part, actually. Maybe she's afraid of having to report a drowning victim...

C
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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I will say this, while I've never thought of a man eating a woman out as inherently submissive on his part, a I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine last year.

He's mid-20's. We were having a discussion about sex. He says, almost sheepishly, that he enjoys giving his girlfriend head. I find it odd that he'd get shy about that fact, and ask him what the big deal is. He says well you know, there is a stigma about guys giving girl head. I tell him that I've never heard of this before, and all my other guy friends who I talk about sex with have no conflicts. Now his friends are from the inner city, upper Manhattan, like him, and this is a crowd I'm not use to hanging around. But he told me that his boys would clown him if they knew he enjoyed giving a woman pleasure orally. They do think of it as a pussified thing for a man to do, and if it's something they enjoy, that's the last thing they're going to admit to their boys.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Label me "one big happy submissive guy". I'll wear the title proudly.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

jaquen said:


> This line of discussion makes me realize that my wife and I don't have strong submissive and dominant themes in our sex life.
> 
> A blow job, for instance, for us is a shared pleasure. It feels like vaginal intercourse. It's very interactive, in that I explore her body, and pleasure her as she's making love to my **** with her mouth. Sometimes she even cums from the pleasure she gets giving me a BJ (few experiences are hotter than this). It becomes so involved on both our parts that it doesn't even feel like she is in a submissive place.
> 
> ...


I understand that jaquen, it seems like you and your wife have a nice flow and interaction together, though I must admit I am a bit skeptical about her orgasming from giving you oral with no personal stimulation of her own... but I digress. You guys' dynaminc works for the two of you, I wonder if you two did try having defined dominant and submissive moments if you would enjoy it.
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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

All depends on your own perspective...
For instance, I can see you feeling it as a submissive act. No problems there at all.
As the giver, I recognize that I am in control down there. I can tease and taunt at my leisure and there ain’t diddly you can do about it. I get to decide if you are going to get off, or suffer in frustration (the good kind)... I can even manipulate the situation so you are kept at that edge and may begin to beg and plead to stop teasing. So who is really the submissive and who is dominate?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I must admit I am a bit skeptical about her orgasming from giving you oral with no personal stimulation of her own...


What's there to be skeptical about? The woman _loves_ giving blow jobs to me as much as I enjoy having them (sometimes I think more so). She'll wake me up sometimes in the night just to have one. She doesn't cum from a BJ alone all the time, or even most of the time, but if she's hungry enough for one, and she gets into it enough, she cums handsfree.

My wife also doesn't require penetration to orgasm, so this isn't something startling or unusual for us.


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## mrcow (Jan 27, 2010)

I never thought of giving/receiving an oral to be a submissive act regardless of the position and giver/receiver.. if anything then the receiver is in a sort of submissive position a bit because the giver controls the process. 
on the other hand, a man kneeling in front of his woman - that has some submissive strike to it, but still - given the fact that the giver controls the process, that submissive moment just adds more pleasure/heat/intensity to it. would be nice to try sometime, unfortunately my DW is not that into it :/


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## jameskimp (May 8, 2012)

I don't consider it submissive. He has control over one of the most sensitive and delicate areas of your body. And he has control of your pleasure as well.

That's dominant, in my opinion.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

If you analyse it like that, it just kills the mood tbh :/


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Like many things, there's a way to do it submissively and a way to do it dominately. My wife is very submissive about receiving head. I imagine Aribabe is very dominant about receiving head.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Its definitely dominant to be in the giving position.

I decided whether shes getting off. If I'm gonna make her cum fast or only after upwards of 10 minutes of begging and pleading. Usually depends on my mood and how much shes getting off on the tease before go in for the kill and let the tide flow so to speak. 

I can see how you would think a woman giving oral is submissive, but their in the same position of power. They can keep a guy at the edge for as long as they want when they're familiar with their body.

I've been there, can be really unbearable because guys, like women, have some areas of their genitals that are gonna be more responsive than others. Sometimes when my GF sees I'm about to get off she'll ignore my sensitive area and tease the shaft keeping me in limbo. :whip::whip::whip:


Whoever is giving has complete sexual control over their partner. 

:allhail:


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Um, I used to receive head submissively. But not anymore. There's nothing submissive about it anymore. I have her head in my hands and am in control of just about every movement.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't know if it's submissive or no not but show me the man who won't and I'll steal his girl every time.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Um, I used to receive head submissively. But not anymore. There's nothing submissive about it anymore. I have her head in my hands and am in control of just about every movement.


Thats SFing 

Different from your traditional oral sex though.


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## LoveYourself (Aug 19, 2012)

Normally yes, which is why I don't like receiving oral. It depends though, if the giver is quite aggressive or using the pleasure to control you now that's a little different. There's also a kind of humiliation factor in receiving it if you feel shy.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

aribabe said:


> You should ask her about it, it'll be interesting to you to hear what she thinks I bet. I doubt my husband thinks he's being submissive, but I've never asked, I should though. I wonder what he'll say...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I asked her, and without prompting, she had the same response as I did. That there are dominant positions for either gender, but it's not necessarily dominant or submissive on its own. 

C


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Some very good points being made her regarding the idea that any sex act can be viewed from a dominant, or submissive, perspective!


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## Izzie (Aug 17, 2012)

Very interesting post. I never thought of the man giving oral sex as being the submissive. In fact, I see it as quite the opposite. To "open" myself up to a man and let him be that close to the most intimate part of my body and allow him to provide such intense pleasure makes ME the submissive. Isn't it strange how we all see things in different ways?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I don't feel it's submissive when my husband goes down on me - he controls waaaaay too much... LoL!

I DO feel submissive about going down on him, because he often "presents" that way. For example, once he's done with me, he will rise up over me and bring himself to my mouth, never letting me get up from lying down on my back. This feels very dominant and I don't always like it, but I play the part anyhow. It's a turn on for him and I like that he's turned on.

I prefer to have him on his back when I go down because it's easier on my neck, but he doesn't know this because I never want to spoil his fun. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

By the way Aribabe, my wife is sitting here studying, I just read your "skeptical" comment to her.

*My Wife: *[Chuckles] They just don't know me. Though I can't imagine that's all to rare?


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

PBear said:


> Hmm... I've never regarded my performing oral sex on my GF as submissive. In fact, I would consider myself rather dominant with her in almost all ways sexually. Maybe I look at it more as "devouring" her... I'll have to ask her how she feels about it, if this thread doesn't get pruned.


:iagree:

It's not submissive when I'm diving in there with enthusiasm.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Submissive? What?!

I pull the missus to my face each time, I wouldn't call that submissive


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Label me "one big happy submissive guy". I'll wear the title proudly.


I think its a great title to wear 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Racer said:


> All depends on your own perspective...
> For instance, I can see you feeling it as a submissive act. No problems there at all.
> As the giver, I recognize that I am in control down there. I can tease and taunt at my leisure and there ain’t diddly you can do about it. I get to decide if you are going to get off, or suffer in frustration (the good kind)... I can even manipulate the situation so you are kept at that edge and may begin to beg and plead to stop teasing. So who is really the submissive and who is dominate?


You're absolutely right, it is about perspective. My husband is definitely dominating my pleasure when he's down there, but I only see him submissive, sexy man with his face buried betwixt my thighs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

jaquen said:


> What's there to be skeptical about? The woman _loves_ giving blow jobs to me as much as I enjoy having them (sometimes I think more so). She'll wake me up sometimes in the night just to have one. She doesn't cum from a BJ alone all the time, or even most of the time, but if she's hungry enough for one, and she gets into it enough, she cums handsfree.
> 
> My wife also doesn't require penetration to orgasm, so this isn't something startling or unusual for us.


Ok Jaquen, that's cool. Whatever floats you guys' vote. She is certainly in the minority as 99% of women aren't going to orgasm just by putting a d*ck in their mouths. Clearly your wife is a one a million. Most women need no penetration in order to orgasm, a little clitoral stimulaion and most of us can get there. But all in all, it sounds like you and your wife are both satified with your sex life, and that mattersa helluva lot more than my skepticism.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Like many things, there's a way to do it submissively and a way to do it dominately. My wife is very submissive about receiving head. I imagine Aribabe is very dominant about receiving head.


I am pretty dominant about receiving. I like to be sitting in a chair while he does it, him kneeled down so I can see his eyes and grab his hair and push it deeper into my va jay jay when I do O. I don't like submissively lying back and receiving, I want to take it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Izzie said:


> Very interesting post. I never thought of the man giving oral sex as being the submissive. In fact, I see it as quite the opposite. To "open" myself up to a man and let him be that close to the most intimate part of my body and allow him to provide such intense pleasure makes ME the submissive. Isn't it strange how we all see things in different ways?


I understand where you're coming from, we actucally see it the same way but with a different perspective  .

I think that opening up to him, and allowing him to satisfy and please me, puts me in a very dominant position, and subsequently him in a submissive position. It really is all about how we view things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

jaquen said:


> By the way Aribabe, my wife is sitting here studying, I just read your "skeptical" comment to her.
> 
> *My Wife: *[Chuckles] They just don't know me. Though I can't imagine that's all to rare?


Yeah it probably is pretty rare, outside of porn or faking it, most women need some sort of personal stimulation to O i'd imagine. But honestly, if that's all it takes for her to get there, put your c*ck in her mouth, then she is a very lucky woman and you are quite a lucky man. I've gotta applaud that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Yeah it probably is pretty rare, outside of porn or faking it, most women need some sort of personal stimulation to O i'd imagine. But honestly, if that's all it takes for her to get there, put your c*ck in her mouth, then she is a very lucky woman and you are quite a lucky man. I've gotta applaud that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's the opposite of me when it comes to talking about sex. I enjoy studying up on all things sex and sexuality related, and enjoy discussing sex with others, both online, and the people in my life. She does not, and so I know she pretty naive to the fact that she's rather unique in that department (well truth be told she's rather unique in many departments).

She is an extraordinary woman.


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## An99GZ (Aug 20, 2012)

I see it as submissive a bit cause when i do oral on my man i am his personal sex slave, whatever it takes to make it the best for him, and i love it, its really important to love doing it


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I never thought of it as submissive when going downtown. I'm just happy to be there. I'll have to make a note to man up somehow afterward so I don't lose too many man points. 

Wait a second... I'm under the impression that I do that right afterward.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> :iagree:
> 
> It's not submissive when I'm diving in there with enthusiasm.


I think you can be both enthusiastic and submissive, I am when I give oral to my husband
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I'm another one who thinks the opposite. When my partner lays back and lets me perform oral on her I'm the one in control.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I'm another one who thinks the opposite. When my partner lays back and lets me perform oral on her I'm the one in control.


I kind of agree. I'm mean she's the one laying there letting me do what I'm doing. I might feel submissive if she slammed by head down there and said "e.. it be-ach"


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Hmm, this all also reminds I've been hankering for her to straddle me as I'm on my back, that'd be fairly submissive. We've talked about it but never done it, she has fear of losing balance and I of suffocation.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> Hmm, this all also reminds I've been hankering for her to straddle me as I'm on my back, that'd be fairly submissive. We've talked about it but never done it, she has fear of losing balance and *I of suffocation*.


Just tap her leg if that starts to concern you. Tell her what the tap means beforehand and make sure it's something she'll recognize, not think is you getting rough/excited.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I just don't understand how my previous comment does not have "likes". I must be out of touch. Maybe s charity like even.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I find it interesting that OP does it in such a dominant way. And that she has another thread about how he doesn't do it often enough. If a dominant is made to feel submissive, he'll normally resist I would think.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> Hmm, this all also reminds I've been hankering for her to straddle me as I'm on my back, that'd be fairly submissive. We've talked about it but never done it, she has fear of losing balance and I of suffocation.


Just don't try to yell while your under there. Major KWEEEEF time. Will not be pretty. 


SORRY SORRY SORRY. Someone make me stop.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> I just don't understand how my previous comment does not have "likes". I must be out of touch. Maybe s charity like even.


I gave an honest like


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It's not very submissive for me when my chic is hanging upside down and can't move, but I am willing do try.

What sucks is my knees are shot out and with out knee pads it will be tough. I guess I could use a pillow...we have a nice leather one.

IDK it would be wierd for me to be so submissive, but I will try. If it doesn't work then I'll tie Mrs.the_guy to the chair then give her oral on my knees....I call that comprimise!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I see giving oral as very powerful to me - I have all of the control over his orgasm and he's helpless. I love giving the pleasure so it doesn't feel dominant or submissive, just give and take as pleasure should be.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

I think the submissiveness of oral sex depends a lot on the circumstances and context. I have some submissive fantasies where my wife demands oral sex and uses me for her gratification. In that context it's definately submissive. 

Where the line gets a little blurry is how much I enjoy doing it. I love her scent, her taste, and how she responds to me devouring her. In that respect, I'm getting a _lot_ out of it. I think I'm like most guys who enjoy knowing we're in control of and responsible for her pleasure at that moment. If I am edging her then I'm definately the dominant one.

Over time we have blended the two. I have let her know how erotic it is when she's sitting on my face and "taking" her orgasm. Honestly I think that in her mind when she does it, it's not an act of dominance. If she were revelling in the power she has over me at that moment, it would be dominance (and hot). I think she does it to please me because she knows how much it turns me on, which is an act of submission instead. I try not to over think it


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I find it interesting that OP does it in such a dominant way. And that she has another thread about how he doesn't do it often enough. If a dominant is made to feel submissive, he'll normally resist I would think.


He doesn't do it often enough, that's true. But I think it has more to do with the things I've said to him than the things ive done with him. I was a pretty cruel chick towards him verbally for quite a while, very dominating about how I wanted it and how he wasn't doing it right, or how he wasn't as good at it as older men. It was seriously some mean stuff.

I don't know if I consider my husband a "dominant", he's more chill but can be dominant especially when I'm givng oral to him. But I just can't see myself laying back and receiving oral passively, seems like such a bore. I want to take it, grab his head, grind myself unto his face, get his face wet, look into his eyes. I love it like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I just can't see myself laying back and receiving oral passively, seems like such a bore. I want to take it, grab his head, grind myself unto his face, get his face wet, look into his eyes. I love it like that.


I'd be in heaven if my wife did that. Even then I'm not sure I'd see that as dominant on her part (or submissive on my part). If we're both agressively "into each other" like that then it really boils down to what's going on in our heads. If she wants to feel dominant and savor my submission, and let me know, I would probably act the way that turned her on the most even if I am getting what I want :smthumbup:


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

pplwatching said:


> I'd be in heaven if my wife did that. Even then I'm not sure I'd see that as dominant on her part (or submissive on my part). If we're both agressively "into each other" like that then it really boils down to what's going on in our heads. If she wants to feel dominant and savor my submission, and let me know, I would probably act the way that turned her on the most even if I am getting what I want :smthumbup:


You should tell her how much you'd love it to submit to her and then go for it. Her in a chair, you on your knees. I think it could be very difficult for a woman who's very submissive to act dominat, even if just for a few minutes so you might have to guide her. Put her hands on your had, tell her how much you love kneeling to please her, look at her in the eyes while you do it, keep your hands behind your back as much as you can, make her feel like a sexy, dominant queen. I don't know many women that couldn't get into that, unless they are just incredibly passive. It really is a turn on to grind yoursef into someones face, especially if they aregood t oral.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I don't care how she views it as long as she keeps speaking in unknown tongues when I do it!!!!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I don't see performing oral sex as a submissive act. Receiving oral sex requires trust, and the person giving is in an assertive role.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I was a pretty cruel chick towards him verbally for quite a while, very dominating about how I wanted it and how he wasn't doing it right, or how he wasn't as good at it as older men. It was seriously some mean stuff.


Wow, how did your husband respond to this attitude?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Her in a chair sounds hot. I just can't think of a single chair we own that would allow her to be remotely comfy. Am I too unimaginative, furniture-ally? Not sexually.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

aribabe said:


> In my other thread, a few people questioned me about why I view my husband providing oral sex to me as a submissive act. In my opinion, its pretty clear. The receiving is all about me and my pleasure and satisfaction, he is submitting to me. Taking me into his mouth, getting his face "messy" because of me. He's this strong, proffesional man, and yet he can still bow down, in a sense, to satisfy his wife. That's wholly submissive in my eyesand incredibly sexy.
> 
> I'm just curious about how others feel about oral sex, giving or receiving, being seen as a submissive act. Do you feel its degrading to your partner to view it that way?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think a lot of women see it this way but I disagree.

When I`m going down on my wife I`m in control, complete control.

I control her pleasure, I allow her to have it, I can deny it whenever I want, I can draw it out or bring it to a finish quickly.

Denying it at the right moment brings begging and pleading from her.

I just always figured if I was being begged for something it`s pretty obvious I`m in control.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> I don't see performing oral sex as a submissive act. Receiving oral sex requires trust, and the person giving is in an assertive role.


I understand where you're coming from,I suppose it all depends on how you re performing and how she is receiveing. If she's on her back, very passive, merely receiving from you and accepting what you do, then I would definitely view that as you being in the dominant/assertive position.

But if she's like me, contolling the speed of the grinding, holding his head exactly where I want it, not letting him stop till I orgasm, then I would view her as being in the dominant/assertive position and you in the submissive position, like I like my husband to be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Wow, how did your husband respond to this attitude?


He responded pretty passively i'd say, by withdrawing from me but never actually telling me to stop saying it. I think he started out wanting to "prove me wrong" then just became irritated and decided to say f*ck it, if she doesn't like how I do it then I'm not gonna do it all. Which just made me more annoyed and mean. If he'd just told me I was being a b*tch and if I didn't like something then I should show him what I like without being disrespectful, I think we would have gotten things resolved much quicker. I was only 18, and entitled as hell. We can talk about it now, but the damage is done. He does still need some improvements on his oral skills though, hopefully we can work on that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

aribabe said:


> He responded pretty passively i'd say, by withdrawing from me but never actually telling me to stop saying it. I think he started out wanting to "prove me wrong" then just became irritated and decided to say f*ck it, if she doesn't like how I do it then I'm not gonna do it all. Which just made me more annoyed and mean. If he'd just told me I was being a b*tch and if I didn't like something then I should show him what I like without being disrespectful, I think we would have gotten things resolved much quicker. I was only 18, and entitled as hell. We can talk about it now, but the damage is done. He does still need some improvements on his oral skills though, hopefully we can work on that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I will now refer you to the "what is a sh!t test" thread in the men's clubhouse...


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> Her in a chair sounds hot. I just can't think of a single chair we own that would allow her to be remotely comfy. Am I too unimaginative, furniture-ally? Not sexually.


I have this chair at home, it's a tub chair, and it's been one of my fantasies to get a BJ while sitting in this chair (really any chair would do for me). I think this chair would be perfect for her though, as she could put her legs over the arms of the chair (one leg on each arm) and be completely spread open for me to go 'downtown.'

Alas, my fiancee doesn't like oral and we haven't done that (me on her) in over four years.

She did confess to me her only oral fantasy just the other day though. She has a thing for trying sex in a swing (one of those body swings where you can basically lie down but your suspended in the air) and she wants to have sex that way and have me go down on her. I'm looking forward to that, as maybe it can be a opening for there to be more oral sex in the future.



aribabe said:


> *But if she's like me, contolling the speed of the grinding, holding his head exactly where I want it, not letting him stop till I orgasm, *then I would view her as being in the dominant/assertive position and you in the submissive position, like I like my husband to be.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is hot. 

Damn, I miss giving oral sex now.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I will now refer you to the "what is a sh!t test" thread in the men's clubhouse...


I don't know if it was sh*t test, I wasn't testing him. I was genuinely just being a b*tch, not sure why/how he put up with my funky attitude and snarky passive aggressive comments. I just knew he wanst doing it "right". I was really stupid that my response to that was to badger and berate him instead of just showing/telling him what I wanted, which would've been a helluva lot easier, and we'd both have been much happier. Honestly, it was just stupid, no other way to put it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

aribabe said:


> He responded pretty passively i'd say, by withdrawing from me but never actually telling me to stop saying it. I think he started out wanting to "prove me wrong" then just became irritated and decided to say f*ck it, if she doesn't like how I do it then I'm not gonna do it all. Which just made me more annoyed and mean. If he'd just told me I was being a b*tch and if I didn't like something then I should show him what I like without being disrespectful, I think we would have gotten things resolved much quicker. I was only 18, and entitled as hell. We can talk about it now, but the damage is done. He does still need some improvements on his oral skills though, hopefully we can work on that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep it's a nasty dynamic. You treat him bad out of frustration which is understandable at that age. He did not call you out on it though and that just made you lose respect. Not saying it's right, just saying it's a nice guy trait that made him look really unattractive.

I agree that everyone needs to know their partner has boundaries and it's sometimes the partner's job to step up and say .... You know what, that's not acceptable ... At least then the respect is still intact.

I think some people will disagree with me on this though.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Yep it's a nasty dynamic. You treat him bad out of frustration which is understandable at that age. He did not call you out on it though and that just made you lose respect. Not saying it's right, just saying it's a nice guy trait that made him look really unattractive.
> 
> I agree that everyone needs to know their partner has boundaries and it's sometimes the partner's job to step up and say .... You know what, that's not acceptable ... At least then the respect is still intact.
> 
> I think some people will disagree with me on this though.


Yeah you're absolutely right, he should've said something. At least then I could think about it, but with him just accepting it, I started to feel ok with saying mean things because he deserved it by not satisfying me. Illogical thinking, definitely. Normal for a relatively inexperenced 18 year old, maybe.

I think maybe he didn't want to rock the boat, I wish he would've. I suppose I did start to lose respect for him but it was definintely unconsciously. Telling me that was unacceptable, b*tchy behavior would've been the truth. And if I didn't want to take heed and respect him, then it would only have been right for him to dump me, or at least stop giving me the things I wanted/needed from him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

kingsfan said:


> I have this chair at home, it's a tub chair, and it's been one of my fantasies to get a BJ while sitting in this chair (really any chair would do for me). I think this chair would be perfect for her though, as she could put her legs over the arms of the chair (one leg on each arm) and be completely spread open for me to go 'downtown.'
> 
> Alas, my fiancee doesn't like oral and we haven't done that (me on her) in over four years.
> 
> ...


I could give up a lot of things in a sexual partner (swallowing, anal, etc), but I could NOT give up licking kitties...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriedwithkids1 (Nov 10, 2010)

i don't get how/why people would charictorize an act between tow consenting adults as "degrading" 

I mean if the two people consent and it is done in a loving spirit how is this degrading.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

I don see "submissive" as the equivalent of "degrading". And I think it's all about how you do it. I like her to be submissive when she gives me a BJ. When I give oral though I push her legs up over head, spread her wide and look down at her, staring her in the eyes for a few seconds before I go down there. There's nothing submissive about it.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Drover said:


> I don see "submissive" as the equivalent of "degrading". And I think it's all about how you do it. I like her to be submissive when she gives me a BJ. When I give oral though I push her legs up over head, spread her wide and look down at her, staring her in the eyes for a few seconds before I go down there. There's nothing submissive about it.


See I wouldn't like that, having my legs pushed over my head or being spread realy wide, i'd just be really uncomfortable and not able to get into. But I can see how a woman might like that if she's naturally really submissive. I do still see it as submissive on your part, but if I was a more passive womn, I would most likely see it is dominant on your part.

Edited to say that I agree that submissive doesn't mean degrading. I suppose it could mean that sometimes, but definitely not in the context of a loving, intimate relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You dominant women are all alike, eat me, eat me, eat me! LOL
Whats weird is it doesn't matter beta guy or alpha guy we end up eating

Some times I wounder if my wife is a sub on top?


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

the guy said:


> You dominant women are all alike, eat me, eat me, eat me! LOL
> Whats weird is it doesn't matter beta guy or alpha guy we end up eating
> 
> Some times I wounder if my wife is a sub on top?


What can I say, there is something incredibly alluring and arousing about riding a man's face, using him just for your pleasure, being a more dominant woman just seems to be so much sexier than being a more passive/submissive woman (not to say that submission is bad). But taking what you want from him just seems to be a lot hotter than just accepting whatever he gives you.

I think most men eat p*ssy and love it. I used to love eating it too in my younger days lol. I don't know how any man could find putting his lips and tongue into a warm, moist sweet spot to be anything but amazing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

Back in my single days I had a girlfriend ask me if I had any fantasies. I told her I wanted her to sit on my face. She did, but it was really very timid and almost like "Okay, I'm here. Now what." I tried explaining that I wanted this :



aribabe said:


> What can I say, there is something incredibly alluring and arousing about riding a man's face, using him just for your pleasure, being a more dominant woman just seems to be so much sexier than being a more passive/submissive woman (not to say that submission is bad). But taking what you want from him just seems to be a lot hotter than just accepting whatever he gives you.


*Fans self* She didn't get it. I didn't do a great job of explaining it either, obviously. My lovers have always enjoyed recieving, so I count myself lucky anyway.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

aribabe said:


> What can I say, there is something incredibly alluring and arousing about riding a man's face, using him just for your pleasure, being a more dominant woman just seems to be so much sexier than being a more passive/submissive woman (not to say that submission is bad). But taking what you want from him just seems to be a lot hotter than just accepting whatever he gives you.
> 
> I think most men eat p*ssy and love it. I used to love eating it too in my younger days lol. I don't know how any man could find putting his lips and tongue into a warm, moist sweet spot to be anything but amazing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you for that.


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## missmolly (Jun 10, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I understand that jaquen, it seems like you and your wife have a nice flow and interaction together, though I must admit I am a bit skeptical about her orgasming from giving you oral with no personal stimulation of her own... but I digress. You guys' dynaminc works for the two of you, I wonder if you two did try having defined dominant and submissive moments if you would enjoy it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ummmmm - I do 
perhaps it is my obsessive interest in this particular activity


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I've never, ever looked at oral sex, on either side as being submissive.

Never gave it a moment's thought.

Why would that even pop into someone's head?


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I've never, ever looked at oral sex, on either side as being submissive.
> 
> Never gave it a moment's thought.
> 
> Why would that even pop into someone's head?


Well why wouldn't it pop into my head. It's sexy as hell to think about, at least to me. Thinking about sexually dominating a hunky, proffesional man really gets me going. But I could see how that may not be arousing to some women, and that's perfectly ok too  But seeing my gorgeous husband kneeled down pleasing me is on of the sexiest sights I've ever seen
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

To me the idea of a woman getting turned on enough to become aggressive about getting what she wants in bed is a huge turn on.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> To me the idea of a woman getting turned on enough to become aggressive about getting what she wants in bed is a huge turn on.


I'm not surprised that that's a turn on for you. I think it should be a turn on for most men. But I think it's difficult for a woman to become an agressive, dominant vixen in bed when her partner desires to always be the dominant one. Even here, it seems that most of the guys are almost disgusted that they could be viewed as performing a submissive act on their wives. But if they could drop the dominance for a while, let their wives been the one to drive and be in control, their sex lives would probably greatly improve. 

I know I feel sexiest when I'm dominating my husband through oral, makes me feel so desired and wanted. I'm sure many wives would love that, but its hard when their husbands always have to be alpha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I think most men eat p*ssy and love it. I used to love eating it too in my younger days lol. I don't know how any man could find putting his lips and tongue into a warm, moist sweet spot to be anything but amazing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First time I ever came with another person was eating out my first girlfriend's *****. I was 18, and popped one off without even touching myself, just eating away. I was SO embarrassed that I never even told her, and by the time we continued on I was still raring to go. :rofl:

Ironic considering now I almost never eat *****.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

the guy said:


> You dominant women are all alike, eat me, eat me, eat me! LOL
> Whats weird is it doesn't matter beta guy or alpha guy we end up eating.


And often we want seconds!



MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I've never, ever looked at oral sex, on either side as being submissive.
> 
> Never gave it a moment's thought.
> 
> Why would that even pop into someone's head?


It's not that it IS submissive, it's the fantasy of being submissive.

It's like having your partner dress up, or pretend to be someone else in role playing. You don't really WANT that other person, you just want the fantasy, and get it through your spouse. In this case the fantasy is someone (your spouse) submissively chowing down on a pink taco.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> To me the idea of a woman getting turned on enough to become aggressive about getting what she wants in bed is a huge turn on.


In my experience most women have NO IDEA how much a man can be turned on by being "taken" by her.

I love when my wife, who is normally a super sweet, super compliant person, gets aggressive in bed and just devours me. It doesn't even make me feel submissive, just incredibly turned on.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I know I feel sexiest when I'm dominating my husband through oral, makes me feel so desired and wanted. I'm sure many wives would love that, but its hard when their husbands always have to be alpha.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Obviously I can't speak for all men on this. A lot have probably been raised to believe they should be dominant and feel emasculated if they're not. 

Me...I like the idea of a relationship of equals. Even within the same session I would expect an ebb and flow. She may be more aggressive at some point however as I get more aroused from that turn it around and dominate her for a while...and so on...and so on.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

jaquen said:


> First time I ever came with another person was eating out my first girlfriend's *****. I was 18, and popped one off without even touching myself, just eating away. I was SO embarrassed that I never even told her, and by the time we continued on I was still raring to go. :rofl:
> 
> Ironic considering now I almost never eat *****.


Why don't you eat p*ssy now? Does your wife not enjoy it? Or do you no longer enjoy it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Obviously I can't speak for all men on this. A lot have probably been raised to believe they should be dominant and feel emasculated if they're not.
> 
> Me...I like the idea of a relationship of equals. Even within the same session I would expect an ebb and flow. She may be more aggressive at some point however as I get more aroused from that turn it around and dominate her for a while...and so on...and so on.


I think an ebb and flow is great. I love having my husband submissively give me oral, and I love it just as much to submissively give him oral. That's part of the fun

Seems to me that a lot of guys here are pretty against that ebb and flow though. They alway have to feel like the dominant one, with their wife as the chronic submissive. That just seems so boring and I would tire of that very quickly. I need to be able to f*ck his face, ride his tongue, grab his hair and pull him deeper between my thighs, look at his face glistening and wet, if I had to always be on back passively receiving, i'd probably end up faling asleep.

Being submissive towards your wife shouldn't feel emasculating, it should feel empowering.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

aribabe said:


> Well why wouldn't it pop into my head. It's sexy as hell to think about, at least to me. Thinking about sexually dominating a hunky, proffesional man really gets me going. But I could see how that may not be arousing to some women, and that's perfectly ok too  But seeing my gorgeous husband kneeled down pleasing me is on of the sexiest sights I've ever seen
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not saying you should or should not find it sexy.

And trust me when I say I'm very adventurous and have probably done things others haven't.

But, I've never been in the middle of sex and said - hey, he's being submissive and that's sexy. Too busy on other things.

Just giving my opinion, you asked. But I'm not into the dominant/submissive type play anyway, not our thing. Aggressive yes, submissive no.

To each his own...


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

aribabe said:


> I think an ebb and flow is great. I love having my husband submissively give me oral, and I love it just as much to submissively give him oral. That's part of the fun
> 
> Seems to me that a lot of guys here are pretty against that ebb and flow though. They alway have to feel like the dominant one, with their wife as the chronic submissive. That just seems so boring and I would tire of that very quickly. I need to be able to f*ck his face, ride his tongue, grab his hair and pull him deeper between my thighs, look at his face glistening and wet, if I had to always be on back passively receiving, i'd probably end up faling asleep.
> 
> ...


I guess my confusion is - why does giving oral sex have to be thought of as submissive?

Sounds like control is what turns you on.

To each his own...why do you think someone "not" acting like a dog in heat is not enjoying it also? Different strokes you know--maybe that's how you need it, but not everyone is the same.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I'm not saying you should or should not find it sexy.
> 
> And trust me when I say I'm very adventurous and have probably done things others haven't.
> 
> ...


That's totally understandable, if its not your thing then it's not your thing, and that's perfectly ok to not be into it. To each his own, as they say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Why don't you eat p*ssy now? Does your wife not enjoy it? Or do you no longer enjoy it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My wife was on various birth controls during almost the entire course of our sexual life. The birth control altered the smell of her vagina, and it wasn't pleasant to me. Oral sex on her fell off the menu, and has never made a major comeback even though she recently got off oral BC. We have a lot of variety in our sex life, and she doesn't miss it, so it doesn't really come up. We're just out of the habit.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

kingsfan said:


> And often we want seconds!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


But not everyone gets turned on by submissive. 

Remember...different strokes.

I don't think of oral as being submissive for either of us, don't get the connection...unless that's what you WANT it to be, then it can be anything you wish.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I guess my confusion is - why does giving oral sex have to be thought of as submissive?
> 
> Sounds like control is what turns you on.
> 
> To each his own...why do you think someone "not" acting like a dog in heat is not enjoying it also? Different strokes you know--maybe that's how you need it, but not everyone is the same.


Control does turn me on, guilty as charged there 
Being submissve also turns me on, especially when my husband is dominating me while I give him oral

Oral doesn't have to be thought of as submissive, it doesn't have to be thought about at all if you don't desire to think about it. But thinking about it as him being submissive is a huge turn on for me, makes me feel powerful and sexy, like a vixen

Nowhere did I say that not acting like a dog in heat means the woman is not enjoying so I'm not sure where you got that from. But FOR ME, acting like a horny kitten is sexier than acting like a wet leaf, that's all. I'm not saying its for everyone, but its good for me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I really don't think Aribabe is suggesting that ALL people have to, need to, or want to get off to submissive oral sex.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

submissive - inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination.

according to definition. yes it is.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> submissive - inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination.
> 
> according to definition. yes it is.


Yes what is? I'm a little confused....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

the talk about how it is not submissive but it is.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Seems to me that a lot of guys here are pretty against that ebb and flow though. They alway have to feel like the dominant one, with their wife as the chronic submissive. That just seems so boring and I would tire of that very quickly. I need to be able to f*ck his face, ride his tongue, grab his hair and pull him deeper between my thighs, look at his face glistening and wet, if I had to always be on back passively receiving, i'd probably end up faling asleep.
> 
> Being submissive towards your wife shouldn't feel emasculating, it should feel empowering.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We don't always have to feel dominant, it is what we naturally think of. And we enjoy it. That doesn't mean we don't also like our partners thinking that we are submissive. It can be both really, whatever you want to think, you can.



MarriedWifeInLove said:


> But not everyone gets turned on by submissive.
> 
> Remember...different strokes.
> 
> I don't think of oral as being submissive for either of us, don't get the connection...unless that's what you WANT it to be, then it can be anything you wish.


Who said everyone does get turned on by it? You asked what the appeal is of it being submissive, I answered. if you don't enjoy it that way, that's perfectly fine and right for you.



bkaydezz said:


> the talk about how it is not submissive but it is.


It really isn't.

There's a big difference between being submissive and playing submissive. 

In aribabe's case, she likes the submissive feeling/look, but her husband can at any moment just stop, stand up and say I'm done and explain why, and that's fine. Might hurt aribabe a bit, but her husband is free to stop at any moment. That is not submissive.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

so the act of being submissive is what then?

it fits by definition.

if thats the case then there is no such thing as dominance or submission.


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## thegatewalker (Apr 29, 2012)

I see it as dominating. Its like this.

Now you belong to me and I can do whatever I want with you. 

Her its submissive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> so the act of being submissive is what then?
> 
> it fits by definition.
> 
> if thats the case then there is no such thing as dominance or submission.


Is a Dominatrix actually dominant, or playing a dominant role? I'd say she's playing the role, as that's not who she really is first off, and secondly the domination can stop at any time through a safety word.

The act of being submissive is submissive. I agree with you. I'm saying that in these cases, it's not actually being submissive, it's pretending to be, or role playing being submissive and they can stop it whenever they want. Big difference.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

since we each have to "consent" all sex is "submissive" ..

If you arent "fighting it off" then you are "submitting" to sex..(both male and female)


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> since we each have to "consent" all sex is "submissive" ..
> 
> If you arent "fighting it off" then you are "submitting" to sex..(both male and female)


I don't think I'd agree with that statement, simply because that applies to everything you don't 'fight off'. Am I being submissive about playing a board game, going to work, driving my mom to the doctor, mowing the lawn, buying Christmas presents, etc.? 

No, somethings just fall into the 'I like doing them so I am going to' folder. Not everything has to be either 'submissive' or 'fighting it off.'


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I don't think I'd agree with that statement, simply because that applies to everything you don't 'fight off'. Am I being submissive about playing a board game, going to work, driving my mom to the doctor, mowing the lawn, buying Christmas presents, etc.?
> 
> No, somethings just fall into the 'I like doing them so I am going to' folder. Not everything has to be either 'submissive' or 'fighting it off.'


True but you still have to "agree" to it..Do you not?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

I get that too because TOO many times I have heard (mostly men ) say I woudl LOVE it if my wife "raped me"..Im like then it wouldnt be rape if you "loved it" ..You get it?Rape is something that not only you dont "love" but is completely against yoru will ..How is it against yoru will if you wish it upon your self and you would "like it"?


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Is a Dominatrix actually dominant, or playing a dominant role? I'd say she's playing the role, as that's not who she really is first off, and secondly the domination can stop at any time through a safety word.
> 
> The act of being submissive is submissive. I agree with you. I'm saying that in these cases, it's not actually being submissive, it's pretending to be, or role playing being submissive and they can stop it whenever they want. Big difference.


i dont agree (respectfully Kingsfan)
i said if thats the case because....

If it is jsut a role, than we can turn of being the wife, we can turn off being the mom, we can turn off being the dad, we can turn off being the provider. and so on and so forth.

We could very well just be understanding two differnet things.

but if its just a role wit ha title then it applies to everything else as well.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> True but you still have to "agree" to it..Do you not?


Yes, you do. Agreeing to something doesn't make you submissive if youa re agreeing to something you like.

I know if I won the lottery (to use an extreme example) I wouldn't consider myself submissive to go and pick up my $14 million cheque.



bkaydezz said:


> i dont agree (respectfully Kingsfan)
> i said if thats the case because....
> 
> If it is jsut a role, than we can turn of being the wife, we can turn off being the mom, we can turn off being the dad, we can turn off being the provider. and so on and so forth.
> ...


We may well be agreeing the same point, just viewing it differently. I just look at it as sex is the one place where you can 'turn off' somethings. Even most of the things you mentioned in your post (being a mom, dad, provider) are shut off during sex. No one is being 'a mom' when they are giving their husband a BJ for example.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

aribabe said:


> In my other thread, a few people questioned me about why I view my husband providing oral sex to me as a submissive act. In my opinion, its pretty clear. The receiving is all about me and my pleasure and satisfaction, he is submitting to me. Taking me into his mouth, getting his face "messy" because of me. He's this strong, proffesional man, and yet he can still bow down, in a sense, to satisfy his wife. That's wholly submissive in my eyesand incredibly sexy.
> 
> I'm just curious about how others feel about oral sex, giving or receiving, being seen as a submissive act. Do you feel its degrading to your partner to view it that way?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This could explain why a bunch of women "don't do" oral.

Wrong way to look at it though. The one with the tongue on flesh is in control. Not the other way around.


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## Gorky75 (Aug 22, 2012)

aribabe said:


> In my other thread, a few people questioned me about why I view my husband providing oral sex to me as a submissive act. In my opinion, its pretty clear. The receiving is all about me and my pleasure and satisfaction, he is submitting to me. Taking me into his mouth, getting his face "messy" because of me. He's this strong, proffesional man, and yet he can still bow down, in a sense, to satisfy his wife. That's wholly submissive in my eyesand incredibly sexy.
> 
> I'm just curious about how others feel about oral sex, giving or receiving, being seen as a submissive act. Do you feel its degrading to your partner to view it that way?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So...
When my partner goes down on me I do see it as being submissive - probably one of the reasons I love it so much. But she does not see it that way, she sees it as being powerful and in control of my pleasure. It works really we'll for both of us!

When go down on her I do not see it as being submissive, just a great way to excite her and get her off. Not sure how she feels about it (i.e. submissive or not).


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Yes, you do. Agreeing to something doesn't make you submissive if youa re agreeing to something you like.
> 
> I know if I won the lottery (to use an extreme example) I wouldn't consider myself submissive to go and pick up my $14 million cheque.
> 
> ...


hahhahahha. maybe a sletty mom  LOL!!!!

yes during sex you can shut off or on i will agree to that.
i jsut read another poster actually say that it seems more dominant because the one giving the oral pleasure is making her submit...HMMMMMMMM!!!!!

makes more sense actually.:smthumbup:


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

sinnister said:


> This could explain why a bunch of women "don't do" oral.
> 
> Wrong way to look at it though. The one with the tongue on flesh is in control. Not the other way around.


I agree..especially if the one with the tongue on flesh also has teeth..

The reciever is surely the vulnerable one that has to "trust"..


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> I agree..especially if the one with the tongue on flesh also has teeth..
> 
> The reciever is surely the vulnerable one that has to "trust"..


 So funny yet so scary.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> So funny yet so scary.


Funny ??(check) ..Scary ???(check) ...TRUE????( CHECK!)


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

aribabe said:


> In my other thread, a few people questioned me about why I view my husband providing oral sex to me as a submissive act. In my opinion, its pretty clear. The receiving is all about me and my pleasure and satisfaction, he is submitting to me. Taking me into his mouth, getting his face "messy" because of me. He's this strong, proffesional man, and yet he can still bow down, in a sense, to satisfy his wife. That's wholly submissive in my eyesand incredibly sexy.
> 
> I'm just curious about how others feel about oral sex, giving or receiving, being seen as a submissive act. Do you feel its degrading to your partner to view it that way?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It isn't submissive when she's yelling more pleasee more. No don't stop. I guess it is all in how it is performed. I mean if your sitting on his face telling him to lick. Then yea that's sub missive but If I jump down there and go to town. Heck no, it tastes great, I am sure there are some heath benefits, and plus it makes her super sensitive so she starts popping like pop corn once you stick it in.


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

badbane said:


> I am sure there are some heath benefits...


Most notably, a higher risk of throat cancer in men.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

MrVanilla said:


> Most notably, a higher risk of throat cancer in men.


That's a benefit to you?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

MrVanilla said:


> Most notably, a higher risk of throat cancer in men.


Maybe smoking would help coat the esophagus with tar and in affect protect it from the VJJ.

I hope this is NOT so likely when done repeatedly on the same VJJ which is in mint condition with minimal test drives.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

If sucking C*ck caused me to have throat cancer i cant say id quit it!!!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

MrVanilla said:


> Most notably, a higher risk of throat cancer in men.


Antihomosexual bullcrap propaganda (I've also seen that anal sex gives you colon cancer as well, it's complete nonsense)


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

bkaydezz said:


> If sucking C*ck caused me to have throat cancer i cant say id quit it!!!!


The polyps make for better friction anyways


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> Antihomosexual bullcrap propaganda (I've also seen that anal sex gives you colon cancer as well, it's complete nonsense)


Not true. And it has nothing to do with homosexuality. It's about men catching HPV in their throats by performing oral sex on women infected with HPV. 

Not that I'd quit anytime soon either. The risk is extremely small (knock on wood).


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Not true. And it has nothing to do with homosexuality. It's about men catching HPV in their throats by performing oral sex on women infected with HPV.
> 
> Not that I'd quit anytime soon either. The risk is extremely small (knock on wood).



that is not something that is strictly for men who perform oral on men as the poster implied


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## TallJeff (Nov 1, 2011)

Just responding to the OP. If you watched me give my wife oral you would not say I was being submissive -- I am very much in control.

I can quickly get her to the edge, then generally keep here there as long as I want. Her orgasm is in my control. I often times tease her and make her say things as a condition of me bringing her over the edge (she likes this power play too). 

She's the one begging, I'm the one in control. 

And you're entirely ignoring the fact that I receive extreme pleasure in giving pleasure to my wife. So it's not an act from which I get no pleasure.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

TallJeff said:


> Just responding to the OP. If you watched me give my wife oral you would not say I was being submissive -- I am very much in control.
> 
> I can quickly get her to the edge, then generally keep here there as long as I want. Her orgasm is in my control. I often times tease her and make her say things as a condition of me bringing her over the edge (she likes this power play too).
> 
> ...


Sounds fun, really. I don't think there is anything wrong with the man dominating through oral, but that really would not work for me. I like to be the driver when my husband gives me oral, control the speed of grinding, making sure he doesn't stop till I orgasm, pressing myself into his face.

Engaging in a submissive act doesn't mean you don't or shouldn't get pleasure from it. Sexually submitting to your wife should be an incredibly empowering and pleasuarable thing for a husband. Do you feel like you always have to be the dominant one in your relationship, so you don't want to let go of that control even in the bedroom?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Antihomosexual bullcrap propaganda (I've also seen that anal sex gives you colon cancer as well, it's complete nonsense)


Some spreading it may have that as their motive. But there appears to be a link between HPV and throat cancer. It's already been established that 90%+ of cervical cancers are linked to HPV, so it doesn't seem a stretch for it to be linked to throat cancer.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Nope. I don't see it as submissive at all. I, honestly, don't see any sexual action as submissive. My husband is in control when he gives me oral, and I wouldn't have it any other way. In fact, when on the few times I've tried to take control, I've ruined the whole orgasm. So he leads. And when I give him oral, _I_ decide when he goes into my mouth. 

Submission is something I practice outside of the bedroom.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Sounds fun, really. I don't think there is anything wrong with the man dominating through oral, but that really would not work for me. I like to be the driver when my husband gives me oral, control the speed of grinding, making sure he doesn't stop till I orgasm, pressing myself into his face.


That makes me wonder if your husband is good at oral sex, and knows how to get you off, without all that.

Are you the driver because that's what gets you off, or are you the default driver because your husband is incompetent at doing it well on his own?


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

jaquen said:


> That makes me wonder if your husband is good at oral sex, and knows how to get you off, without all that.
> 
> Are you the driver because that's what gets you off, or are you the default driver because your husband is incompetent at doing it well on his own?


I'm the driver because that's what turns me on.... and gets me off lol

Passively receiving, laying back and being "given" oral, it just does nothing for me mentally. I have, and can orgasm from passively receiving, but the experience isn't the same for me. When I give oral to my husband I need for him to actively work during it, holding my hair, stroking, staring into my eyes, if he doesn't I get bored and want to stop. I enjoy being passive during intercourse, and prefer my husband to be the driver there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## roger boschman (Aug 3, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> As I stated in your other thread, I don't see it as "submissive." I see it as fvcking awesome.


 Oral sex should ideally be neither submisive nor dominant. They should take turns and both enjoy. 

My only concern is safe sex, because oral sex is a regular transporter of HIV and other viruses, eg. herpes and HPV. Get your selves tested, and then -- enjoy!

-- Roger G. Boschman, Therapist.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Some spreading it may have that as their motive. But there appears to be a link between HPV and throat cancer. It's already been established that 90%+ of cervical cancers are linked to HPV, so it doesn't seem a stretch for it to be linked to throat cancer.


Yep and oral cancer ..(no pun intended LITERALLY)

And its nto just that 90% of cervical cancer is caused by the HPV virus ...its something like 30% of women have it(HPV) with no symptoms..but can still spread it..(and yes to the mouth tonge and throat)


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Okay I think there is a slight bit of submission involved, in the sense that you have to relax and allow yourself to orgasm in front of another person. Be vulnerable. Let yourself go. It would be similar IMO to masturbating in front of your partner, except you are letting them do it and hopefully guiding them on how to do it 

If you are embarrased about sex, or not quite comfortable, there is a difference in orgasming during sex. Your partner is kinda distracted with their own "oh my god" stuff going on, it's not quite as center stage as letting someone do it to you solo.

I'm a woman, and I totally "get off" a lot of the time by giving a bj and watching my partner finish. The slight teasing, etc that goes on. I get satisfaction out of it. More of a power thing maybe as opposed to dominance. But it's done every time 100% because I simply know it makes my partner happy. And I have the power to do that.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I love it when my wife grabs me by the side of my head while I'm going down on her and grinds it in my face at te speed to her liking. She may not even realize it, but it makes me feel very submissive and turns me on immensely. 

She doesn't do it often and usually I finish her off judging by her sounds and from past experience, so I don't take it the wrong way when she does that at all. 

I want her to be more in control of things and our usual vanilla sex doesn't incorporate much of that into it. So I relish the few moments.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Phoenix2012 said:


> I am pretty dominant guy sexually.
> 
> You're damn straight she's gonna suck my **** while I lay back and watch. That's not being submissive. Maybe I will take over and grab her by the hair and **** her face til I explode in her mouth.
> 
> Whatever I do, I know she likes it and I like it too.


I understand, it does _seem_ submissive to me if you just lay back and watch, but its just a difference in perception. nothing wrong with that

I don't like for my husband to just lay back and watch, the " grab her by the hair and **** her face til I explode in her mouth" is the type of activity that turns me on


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I don't like for my husband to just lay back and watch, the " grab her by the hair and **** her face til I explode in her mouth" is the type of activity that turns me on


I'd be afraid of choking her to death if I tried that approach. I don't even like cumming in my partners mouth because I feel I have to maintain some level of control to avoid hurting her and that seems to reduce the level of enjoyment.


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