# Phantom Email Address



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

It has been ages since I have started a thread of this nature. My backstory if you do not know I began to suspect my W was having some kind of affair back in 2011. I was never able to come up with anything but circumstantial evidence. My life was hell for about 5 years then in 2017 things began to change. I have no idea why but her song download of "Were Never Getting Back Together" coincided with the change. I know it sounds odd but her unusual song downloads are what lead me to the look into the changes in our relationship and they pretty much told a story entire span of the relationship from start to the end.

That all being said things have been really good. I employed the 180 to get my sanity and self esteem back. I eventually found a therapist who confirmed that most men would have come to the same conclusion I had with all the circumstastial evidence I had and said it was a strong liklihood that something was going on with her. That alone brought me an incredible amount of peace. 

So in my work I sometimes have to occassionally rely on a paid search engine that finds and confirms addresses, phone numbers, emails etc. After confirming a clients email address I put my wife's name and I was caught off gaurd when it listed and email I was not familiar with. What made it stick out more was that it is from a regional provider in Florida (We live in California). At first I thought it was a mistake. I checked the email alone to see if it brought up any other individuals. It does not. The use of the email address coincides with the dates I listed above. Begins in 2011 and ends in 2016. Oddly it was in use again from January to April of this year. 

Since this all began I have been a step behind her in regards to technology. She seems to be much more adept than I am. I really want to get to the bottom of this and I have an idea of how to get into the email but I would appreciate some insight from those that are a bit more adept at technology of what may make the most sense.


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

Was there any other information you had to enter that would confirm it was your wife like address, birthdate or any other identifier? I have a fairly uncommon name but there are several people with the same name in the US. What is the chance it isn't your wife?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

RClawson said:


> It has been ages since I have started a thread of this nature. My backstory if you do not know I began to suspect my W was having some kind of affair back in 2011. I was never able to come up with anything but circumstantial evidence. My life was hell for about 5 years then in 2017 things began to change. I have no idea why but her song download of "Were Never Getting Back Together" coincided with the change. I know it sounds odd but her unusual song downloads are what lead me to the look into the changes in our relationship and they pretty much told a story entire span of the relationship from start to the end.
> 
> That all being said things have been really good. I employed the 180 to get my sanity and self esteem back. I eventually found a therapist who confirmed that most men would have come to the same conclusion I had with all the circumstastial evidence I had and said it was a strong liklihood that something was going on with her. That alone brought me an incredible amount of peace.
> 
> ...


You may need the help of some internet white hat. 

It sucks, but you may have to go about collecting more direct evidence, such as tracking her car and using a hidden recorder to capture her side of the conversation.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Willnotbill said:


> Was there any other information you had to enter that would confirm it was your wife like address, birthdate or any other identifier? I have a fairly uncommon name but there are several people with the same name in the US. What is the chance it isn't your wife?


It has and confirms all of her pertinent information beyond the email address. Her name is not common but not unheard of. The email address is linked to no one else but here nationwide.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

jonty30 said:


> You may need the help of some internet white hat.
> 
> It sucks, but you may have to go about collecting more direct evidence, such as tracking her car and using a hidden recorder to capture her side of the conversation.


I am passed that stage. Been there and done that. I think the relationship if over I am trying to confirm that it happened at this point.


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

RClawson said:


> I am passed that stage. Been there and done that. I think the relationship if over I am trying to confirm that it happened at this point.


I‘d recommend a PI who specializes in online/identity forensics


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

RClawson said:


> I am passed that stage. Been there and done that. I think the relationship if over I am trying to confirm that it happened at this point.


If you're past that stage and are prepared to move on, move on. 
It's better to take direct action than to keep pain in your heart trying to confirm something that you might not be able to confirm. 

You're probably not going to find anything if she's using something like protonmail, unless you're lucky enough to figure out her passwords. 
You'll only find something by tracking her.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Does she use a personal computer at home?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RClawson said:


> I am passed that stage. Been there and done that. I think the relationship if over I am trying to confirm that it happened at this point.


I get you. That would be my approach too. Hang in there.


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

RClawson said:


> It has and confirms all of her pertinent information beyond the email address. Her name is not common but not unheard of. The email address is linked to no one else but here nationwide.


I have used free and pay sites to collect info. I have found that only some of the info is correct. The pay sites are more accurate but still not 100%. I'm not telling you that you should ignore what you have found but I think it needs more investigation to make sure its correct. A PI might be able to help you with proof. Sorry you are in this situation and hope it works out for you. The suspicion and not knowing is worse than catching them in the act.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jonty30 said:


> If you're past that stage and are prepared to move on, move on.
> It's better to take direct action than to keep pain in your heart trying to confirm something that you might not be able to confirm.
> 
> You're probably not going to find anything if she's using something like protonmail, unless you're lucky enough to figure out her passwords.
> You'll only find something by tracking her.


Time Warner used to give out email addresses with an xx.rr.com extension, with the “xx” corresponding to the specific region in which a given subscriber lived (or had paid service). So customers in San Antonio might have gotten something like sa.rr.com whereas customers in Orlando might have gotten something like or.rr.com. Additionally, you’d be able to create up to 5 or maybe 10 other email addresses all under the same account.

So this might have been something that someone in Florida built for her.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Does she use a personal computer at home?


Ipad and phone


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

RClawson said:


> Ipad and phone


Guessing you don’t have her iCloud credentials?

Do you know if she has 2FA configured on her account?


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Time Warner used to give out email addresses with an xx.rr.com extension, with the “xx” corresponding to the specific region in which a given subscriber lived (or had paid service). So customers in San Antonio might have gotten something like sa.rr.com whereas customers in Orlando might have gotten something like or.rr.com. Additionally, you’d be able to create up to 5 or maybe 10 other email addresses all under the same account.
> 
> So this might have been something that someone in Florida built for her.


Ok Gus this is where it gets interesting. It is for a roadrunner email address in Central Florida. Oddly the guy I suspect lives in................wait for it..........................central florida.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Guessing you don’t have her iCloud credentials?
> 
> Donyou know if she has 2FA configured on her account?


I do not have her icloud credentials. 2FA is new language to me so I do not know.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

RClawson said:


> Ok Gus this is where it gets interesting. It is for a roadrunner email address in Central Florida. Oddly the guy I suspect lives in................wait for it..........................central florida.


Figured as much.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

what I suspect he did was issue her an email address under his road runner account. ..So what you can do if she owns the iPhone and iPad and you have access to the phone I would download a keylogger software onto the iPad and iPhone that will then monitor everything she writes or sends


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Figured as much.


So if I was a betting man I would be he controls her password.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

RClawson said:


> I do not have her icloud credentials. 2FA is new language to me so I do not know.


2FA is a common abbreviation for “two-factor authentication”. Basically, at least where Apple is concerned, if you have your account configured for 2FA, in order to log into it you’d have to have 1) your account name (which is the email address associated with the account), 2) your account password, and 3) access to a device already registered to that account in order to approve pending logins.

For example, if I were to browse to icloud.com on my laptop and then log into my account, I’d get a prompt on my iPhone to approve (or decline) that impending login.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

RClawson said:


> So if I was a betting man I would be he controls her password.


Ehhh… maybe.

Not something that would have occurred to me but I guess you never know.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

GusPolinski said:


> 2FA is a common abbreviation for “two-factor authentication”. Basically, at least where Apple is concerned, if you have your account configured for 2FA, in order to log into it you’d have to have 1) your account name (which is the email address associated with the account), 2) your account password, and 3) access to a device already registered to that account in order to approve pending logins.
> 
> For example, if I were to browse to icloud.com on my laptop and then log into my account, I’d get a prompt on my iPhone to approve (or decline) that impending login.


That sounds very difficult to break, unless he can sneak her Ipad away from her.
If she's in contact with another man, that should be enough proof to move on by itself.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Are you able to access her phone / ipad at all?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I can't help OP, but I just can't understand someone living in limbo for so many years. I mean, if you don't trust your partner, and circumstantial evidence and your guts tell you that she/he was having an affair, shouldn't it be sufficient reason (s) to end the relationship? because how can you live with that constantly gnawing at you throughout your life? that's no way to live.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jonty30 said:


> That sounds very difficult to break, unless he can sneak her Ipad away from her.
> If she's in contact with another man, that should be enough proof to move on by itself.


Depends on how far underground everything is.

Hell, she could be one of those r/adultery cheaters that has her opsec wrapped pretty tightly.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

How good is your poker face, @RClawson?


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> 2FA is a common abbreviation for “two-factor authentication”. Basically, at least where Apple is concerned, if you have your account configured for 2FA, in order to log into it you’d have to have 1) your account name (which is the email address associated with the account), 2) your account password, and 3) access to a device already registered to that account in order to approve pending logins.
> 
> For example, if I were to browse to icloud.com on my laptop and then log into my account, I’d get a prompt on my iPhone to approve (or decline) that impending login.


I do have access to her cell phone when she is in the shower and I do have her password to get in.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

RClawson said:


> I do have access to her cell phone when she is in the shower and I do have her password to get in.


If she's savvy enough to use a phantom email address, she's probably savvy enough to delete her call logs and send her texts to email so she can delete them off her phone. 

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I wish you luck. I hope that you are wrong, but you're probably not.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

RClawson said:


> I do have access to her cell phone when she is in the shower and I do have her password to get in.


Is the passcode on her iPad the same? If not, do you know it?

Is she aware that you have either passcode?


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Does she happen to have an old phone laying around that you could take so somebody? I'm betting this is a long shot since it sounds like she's pretty tech savvy.

At this point the evidence comes down to how much is enough for you? I don't know what your financial situation is but if you are the breadwinner the phrase "longer you stay, more you pay" might apply. 

Even if you get a smoking gun she's still going to deny everything and/or blame you. The Florida guy is probably one of her backups since she probably is aware you are at least somewhat on to her.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Back up a bit. You only need enough info to satisfy you. You don’t need a smoking gun or hard evidence.
Her previous actions toward you count. It’s not written anywhere that you must stay in a crappy marriage.
Like a lot you are the only one that can make yourself a chump.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

the sudden new activity on a 2011 email account could just mean some hacker took over the account and is spaming the world with viagra adds using her old email.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Is the passcode on her iPad the same? If not, do you know it?
> 
> Is she aware that you have either passcode?


I think she knows. They are the same.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

RClawson said:


> It has been ages since I have started a thread of this nature. My backstory if you do not know I began to suspect my W was having some kind of affair back in 2011. I was never able to come up with anything but circumstantial evidence. My life was hell for about 5 years then in 2017 things began to change. I have no idea why but her song download of "Were Never Getting Back Together" coincided with the change. I know it sounds odd but her unusual song downloads are what lead me to the look into the changes in our relationship and they pretty much told a story entire span of the relationship from start to the end.
> 
> That all being said things have been really good. I employed the 180 to get my sanity and self esteem back. I eventually found a therapist who confirmed that most men would have come to the same conclusion I had with all the circumstastial evidence I had and said it was a strong liklihood that something was going on with her. That alone brought me an incredible amount of peace.
> 
> ...


Stop making yourself crazy and divorce your wife and live a life about you and not whatever the hell she is doing. It's just sad. There is a better life out there waiting for you.


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

No trust, think about that OP.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

RClawson said:


> So if I was a betting man I would be he controls her password.


Why are you beating a dead horse? 

If you have largely disengaged from her and you have no children at home what is keeping you in the marriage?

Catching her _red handed _will not give you back the years you lost to her affair.

End the charade and move on with your life.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

RClawson said:


> _*I am passed that stage. Been there and done that. I think the relationship if over I am trying to confirm that it happened at this point.*_


You're still with her so this is yet just another excuse not to leave.

I see people do this all the time - claim that they need to see the 'smoking gun' in order to leave. Saw one of my best friends continue desperately clinging to a lying serial cheater, claiming what you are - that she needed to see that smoking gun (even though she'd been slapped in the face over and over and over with proof of his constant serial cheating). She foolishly wasted 18 years on the loser but finally got her 'smoking gun' and left him - and a couple years later, she also found out she had ovarian cancer from a strain of HPV lover boy brought home.

If you're done OP, just be *done*. Stop looking for ridiculous excuses to continue clinging to someone who couldn't even show you the respect that most of us show the common house fly.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

RClawson said:


> So if I was a betting man I would be he controls her password.


I'm not at all tech savvy but I was reading a book some time ago (can't remember what it was called) but it was describing how someone set up a single email account and gave the password to access it to one other person.

When they wanted to contact the other person privately they would write the message and save it in the draft folder without sending it.
The recipient (the only other password holder) would then log into the account read the draft message, delete it then write an answer and save it in the draft folder for the other one to read.

Pretty sneaky I thought but also very cleaver.
I thought at the time I wonder if cheaters ever used this method!


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

The answer to your question is right under your nose. Just tell her you want her happy and you want to be happy so let’s cut this charade,divorce, and you go to mr wonderful and I get to be eventually with someone who loves and respects me


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> The answer to your question is right under your nose. Just tell her you want her happy and you want to be happy so let’s cut this charade,divorce, and you go to mr wonderful and I get to be eventually with someone who loves and respects me


Well said. OP you need to start pursuing happiness. What you are focusing on now is not going to lead there even if you know the specifics. You know enough already to know that.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

All I see here is 10 more years wasted. Years you’ll never get back.


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## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> She foolishly wasted 18 years on the loser but finally got her 'smoking gun' and left him - and a couple years later, she also found out she had ovarian cancer from a strain of HPV lover boy brought home.


Based on how long OP's been around and his post count, I'm thinking there's a pretty good chance he's going to beat your friend's personal record.


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## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

Why are you trying so hard to find the smoking gun?
You don’t have to go to Court and prove beyond reasonable doubt that she cheated. 
All you ha e to do is make sure YOU are comfortable with your decision,

seems to me that you know what happened. I think you should go to a lawyer, file, and have her served out of the blue. When she calls in a panic, simply say, “you know why I’m doing this and what you have done.” When she says she hasn’t done anything, then say “that’s great! Then you won’t have a problem with taking the polygraph I am scheduling for you.”

I’m sorry, but I think you know what she did and is doing. You know you need to do what is best for you. Do what you must to save your self-respect, and be able to look the man in mirror in the eye every day.

Good luck, and stay strong. I promise the other side is incredible!!!!


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