# Going Out for the First Time



## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Tonight I am attending a singles ****tail party. This is something I will be attending by myself and will not know anyone there. It is the first time since my divorce that I have put myself in a situation to meet single men. I am feeling rather apprehensive, to say the very least!!! My daughters are being very supportive and told me that they are glad I am getting out of my comfort zone. I know I have to get out and meet people. It just feels strange!


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Bully for you!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Have fun!


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Just relax and enjoy yourself.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Hope you have an awesome time!!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Yay! Have fun!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Get out there and enjoy yourself, Sweetheart!

And come back on here and encourage me to go do the very same!*


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

How did it go?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

All the butterflies for nothing! I was rather shocked at what I saw last night and I didn't stay long. This was a party with mixed ages but a majority looked over 60 and most of them looked like they had lived a sedentary lifestyle, both men and women. I saw what I felt was sadly desperate and lonely people trying to make connections in a situation they were not comfortable with. Men out dancing that you could tell had not, maybe ever, dance before. I thinking good for them for getting out and trying but just my type and not my crowd of people. I am active, have been active, love to hike and be outdoors so it is important to me that I meet men who are active as well. I spent far too many years with a man who wanted to just sit and seeing these men reminded me of my ex. 

I didn't want the whole evening to be a loss so I went to a brew house, a place that I know has some very good sangria. I had not eaten yet so I sat at the bar and had a couple drinks and ate my dinner. A gentleman sat beside me and we chatted for about an hour. No chemistry on my part but it was nice to just chat.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@AVR1962 If you're looking for men who are active, you're probably not going to find them at a singles c0cktail party... because they don't have to go to a singles party to meet women. And they don't have the time--because they are out doing those activities!

I would recommend checking out meetup.com for activity groups that coincide with your interests. It's not a dating/singles site, but there will be single people who attend. You might meet someone interesting and you might not, but if you don't, it won't feel like a wasted evening.

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## Síocháin (Mar 11, 2016)

I think it's great you went. You have and showed a lot of courage. I like the idea of meetup and I plan to do that eventually. Right now though, I need to figure me out. You seem to be way ahead of me there. I know what I did (codependency) but not why. I thought I was over and accepted my FOO a long time ago.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

If I may add in regards to MeetUp - stay away from the groups aimed towards singles. One of the first things I did was join a group called SinglesMingle. The idea was that everyone on the room was single and available. I only attended a few meeting. I met one woman thru the group, who was there as a guest. Most all of the other women in the group were desperately seeking ANYONE. I stopped attending, when it became apparent that the simple act of saying hello implied some degree of being attracted to that person. Ironically I met some new male friends thru the group, who I now go out with once a week for dinner and drinks. One guy I have taken a few motorcycle rides with, another who I visited in Colorado after he moved, Another who I golf with a lot and another I hang out with occassionally.
So I guess my word to the wise, is avoid singles groups or social groups and sign up for activity related groups.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Ynot said:


> If I may add in regards to MeetUp - stay away from the groups aimed towards singles. One of the first things I did was join a group called SinglesMingle. The idea was that everyone on the room was single and available. I only attended a few meeting. I met one woman thru the group, who was there as a guest. Most all of the other women in the group were desperately seeking ANYONE. I stopped attending, when it became apparent that the simple act of saying hello implied some degree of being attracted to that person. Ironically I met some new male friends thru the group, who I now go out with once a week for dinner and drinks. One guy I have taken a few motorcycle rides with, another who I visited in Colorado after he moved, Another who I golf with a lot and another I hang out with occassionally.
> So I guess my word to the wise, is avoid singles groups or social groups and sign up for activity related groups.


Your experience is much like my own. I could not believe my eyes last night. These people seemed so desperate and lonely, socially awkward and throwing themselves at each other. Not for me!


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

C0cktail party was sensored... giggles 

awwww... we all are looking for love. Do not knock these gatherings 

I am attractive, financially stable, but I am a bit crazy and also socially awkward.... However whether a good thing or not, all I need to get laid is throw a text to randomguyinmycontacts....


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Join a hiking group. There is one where I live. Hikes are organized all the time.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

AVR1962 said:


> I didn't want the whole evening to be a loss so I went to a brew house, a place that I know has some very good sangria. I had not eaten yet so I sat at the bar and had a couple drinks and ate my dinner. A gentleman sat beside me and we chatted for about an hour. No chemistry on my part but it was nice to just chat.


Good stuff!

And you did it...! Pat on the back to you. That event wasn't for you... but a hiking group is a good suggestion or maybe Sangria appreciation?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Look up Melani Robinson and her OLD blog. Fairly entertaining read and lots of good advise.

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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I also say go with the hiking/camping/paddling/outdoor geared groups on Meetup. I have met some really cool people through these groups and found some really nice places to explore I would have never normally gone.

Its really hard to find someone with a passion for outdoors/being active, isn't it?? That is one of my requirements - must be a regular hiker/camper and would prefer they own a kayak. Well now I own two so that isn't a big deal....but really I want someone to come with me on my adventures and actually enjoy themselves. All I seem to find are people willing to try what I like but not really having a passion for it. They have to enjoy camping at least as much as my dog or it will not be a match, lol.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

AVR1962 said:


> Your experience is much like my own. I could not believe my eyes last night. These people seemed so desperate and lonely, socially awkward and throwing themselves at each other. Not for me!


*I would feel the same way, AVR! I'm so not into a scene like that!

And hell, I'm in my early 60s!

Let's just say that if I'm ever going to connect with a gal, it sure as hell won't be one who is coming on as being or acting "desperate!"

A scene like that would literally scare the living hell out of me!*


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## Tillaan (Nov 24, 2016)

I've followed a number of meetup hiking groups in my area a few years ago. One thing I noticed is the hikes I wanted to go on always filled up before I had a chance to sign up. Never tried just going anyway as I figured that'd be rude but would probably have worked.

I may not have gone on any hikes with the groups but I've gone on a number of hikes I only found out about because a group did it and I looked it up afterwards. my schedule usually didn't match up or it got full but I woukd go later on my own.

Does anyone have any sites similar to meetup they recommend?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

If all else fails....... hang around a Golden Corral :ducks:


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

@AVR1962

I saw a Golden Corral commercial this past weekend and thought about you!


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> @AVR1962
> 
> I saw a Golden Corral commercial this past weekend and thought about you!


LOL, I think it will be a long time before I live this one down!


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