# Hello, or good-bye? A cuckolds perspective



## VBVA (Aug 7, 2012)

Good day. 
Perhaps this should be in 'long term success', but I will start in this forum as it seems to center around sex. If it needs movement or deletion, I understand and will leave it to the moderators. It am not posting a direct question, but talking about marriage while shedding some light on a true cuckold relationship. I would like to dispel many of the fallacies offered by those who seemingly cannot speak from experience because I feel almost persecuted for choosing a lifestyle which has helped countless marriages survive. 

I understand those not in the know are only going by what they have read online or viewed in mainstream porn. Whatever sells best is apparently the stereotype for what I am supposed to be. True, for some couples there are many directions to go from such a relationship: humiliation, Sadism, degradation, Masochism, feminization, bondage, discipline and a whole gamut of others. Role play can be a wonderful thing, but for the most part we are cut and dry. And while it is commonly the wife of a cuckold marriage who engages in extramarital sex, often the role can and does swing both ways. Husbands can also be the spouse reaping the services of an alternate lover. It is an agreement reached between the husband and wife where due to an array of factors leads to the other having their sexual needs met by a surrogate instead of gong ignored or dispelled. You will see such reasons on this site many times over….'spouse doesn't want sex, shows no interest,' etc.. 

While the couple otherwise loves each other deeply, they simply may not be compatible to the overall sexual needs and desires of the other. Whether one is incompetent, incapable, inconvenienced, disinterested, inhibited, perhaps just complacent without intercourse, it leads to the other feeling…..cheated? Harsh word, but would you not feel such, even somewhat, if you were shunned and denied in this arena? There may be many things which the other cannot provide. For example, I am a horrible dancer; she told me that. She will never be interested in being my hunting partner; I understand that. Are her dancing days over, my hunting trips no more? Certainly not; say it's not so. Then why ignore sexual inadequacy from the other? In the long-term, what would possibly be gained? 

Hiding the truth until patience is lost and a form of celibacy will take its toll. Should you really pretend everything is allright, hoping the marriage doesn't die of sexual famine? Perhaps quelling your needs secretly through masturbation or some other form of affair. What brings us to that point? We fear the real truth; repercussion. It is difficult to digest the other telling you their physical and mental needs go unsatisfied…that they desire more than what you already offered. You think 'if I'm not enough then move on'. Ending the marriage which in so many other ways was good. You react from understandable 'pain'. You could throw it away, or invest. 

I discovered from past relationships that many simply weren't meant to be. That the truth could not be be heard because of refusal to be told.. That both of us would be trying to 'make love happen' instead of simply making love. I learned the hard way that I could not be all things to all people. So it was over pillow talk when my wife honored me with the truth. Hesitant and shy at first, she seemed to overflow when I didn't react childishly to the words shattering my knowledge of 'her'; my perception of 'us'. The passion in her eyes seemed to say 'this is either hello, or goodbye'. I really needed to pay attention here, something I see many couples fail from. So I just listened. Gagging my chauvinism as she shed her light. 

It seemed that while we were both blissfully content in most all areas of the marriage, sexually she felt....untapped. She is a big girl, 6'2 with wondrous curves; Amazon. Seemingly born to breed and easily plenty of woman for any man. In public I appear quite masculine, and handle the expectations of such rather well. In bed however, I'm a cuddler; preferring a soft, slow stir. After years of this she now admits her heavy desire for the opposite? Deep down, I already knew this...for some inexplicable reason I didn't think she did. While I could certainly make her shudder during cunnilingus and coo from penetration, there was this 'other side'..... I tried desperately to 'tap her'. To be domineering, the 'bad boy' type, while she patiently encouraged my 'nice guy' to wait outside the bedroom. But it just wasn't 'me'; wasn't 'us'. 

The specifics don't really matter but I took it 'like a man'. So somewhere in the early 90's we tried swinging with a couple or two in hopes of finding her a surrogate for that role. She actually suggested couples so I wouldn't be 'left out'. But I simply could not make the connection I needed to feel when with a woman. I confided and we agreed to men only for our search. Threesomes are an incredible experience but I noticed the more I slid aside the closer she came to finding what was missing. I could hear it, so I began to watch... no different really than if you were pleasuring your wife with a 'toy' or she was using a vibrator. But this is the real deal with the interaction so much more complete; satisfying. 

As we refined our approach, it became so very clear what had been missing. It wasn't simply size or stamina, but a whole different style that I would never have been able to offer. I could see it in her eyes; she felt 'taken'. Everything about my daily duties and stress made me want to submit during intimacy; relax. I was tired of being Mr. bad a** mission control for eleven hours a day. Meanwhile her daily mothering and house-wifeing made her anxious to be everything but nurturing in bed. We were in sexual limbo. The daily grind monotonous. We were both exhausted from our public roles and sought the opposite between each others legs. We made love, but could not fu*! each other. I had to put jealousy and the sense of inadequacy aside to benefit not just her, but to relieve myself; ultimately satisfying the missing needs in our union. 

Yes, I sometimes watch from the sidelines as another man takes my wife to never-land. Often times she is alone with them. I am a '****'. In a sense, we both 'take-a ride' as our stud does his job and relieves us of ours. Some may suggest that one of us is using the other, but it is her and I that actually 'use' the other man. What do I get out of it? If she isn't happy, I certainly am not. So very very true. And I freely admit, we both feel flattered that she is wanted by others. In lieu of harboring jealousy or guilt, we learned instead to harness such intercourse as an aphrodisiac and cure. 

This is not about me owning her and sharing her like an object. It is not about control or fantasy. Nor is it about me being some closet homosexual or spineless pu**y. This is not abuse, nor did it arise from childhood trauma. This is not a toxic cancer to society as it does not affect you, nor our friends and family. You would be none the wiser unless we told you. I am offended that some feel because of my lifestyle I "cannot accept myself, and have chosen instead to wallow in a kind of self -deprecating depravity. As "being weak and unmanly, incapable of 'manning up' and doing the hard things that men have always done". (Really? Most men would run. I embraced it head on. Accepting myself, my wife, and our limitations) That satisfying our needs as a couple is "rotting and destroying our society from within; our most deeply held values." That we are "suffering from severe mental illness, a danger to ourselves; in need of societies help". I say it is 'them'....those who want to meddle in our personal affairs, dictate our values and attempt to control what we want in our very own bedroom. This is not a gang-bang; society stay out. 
This is purely about recreation for husband and wife. My wife and I have been married for over twenty years and I truly feel that had we not faced our fear of telling 'the truth' that we may have continued sweeping such a simple fix under the rug and divorced many years ago; suffocated from silence. I would have been cheating her by ignoring her needs, denying her desires, listening to only what I wanted to hear, allowing only what was perceived as conventional and 'proper'. Failing to be the others friend. Would that not have been unfaithful to the other? The real infidelity in our marriage? We live this way out of respect to the other, honoring our marriage. It is a union...a partnership...a journey together. It is ours. May yours be strong and prosperous. 
Sincerely, 
Scott B.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Sounds perfect.

You get to pay the bills and do the work.

And she reaps the benefits and has complete freedom from any responsibility in the relationship,

In fact even better I bet she gets you to pay for her bulls to take her out on dates while you clean the house so she isn't updispleased with you when she returns home with her glow.

So how long has it been since she wanted to have sex with you?

I read this just like I would read a meth addicts tale of how great it makes them feel.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Paragraphs are your friend...

C


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Ok sorry but... YES IT IS DIFFERENT FROM HER USING A VIBRATOR ON HERSELF OR YOU PLEASING HER WITH ONE! This whole story has me shaking my head!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Nor is it about me being some closet homosexual


Of course not, you're only a guy who got attracted to an amazon type of women and gets off seeing rough men plowing her while you watch because you realized you really don't want to participate when another woman you need to bang to keep your part is in the room. Nothing remotely gay in that.

Sh*t, talking about fantasies i know plenty of straight guys that bang and are banged by other dudes too. They are really manly...



> choosing a lifestyle which has helped countless marriages survive.


Only the thing is, what survived isn't really a marriage, at least in the true sense of the word, as far as i'm concerned. It's more of an arrangement between two people, a man that really doesn't want to be with women and a woman who can bang every guy she wants while being shielded from the accusatory finger of society within a "marriage". 

For me a marriage is historically a word that defines an exclusive relationship between two consenting adults (extending the traditional meaning to include gay couples).



> I feel almost persecuted


That's too bad, because nobody has the right to accuse of anything. You are what you are and whatever makes you happy, as long as it doesn't hurt other people, should be pursued.


----------



## dabdab1000 (Aug 8, 2012)

I wonder once you allow yourselves to seperate sex from a marriage do you completlyt loose the intemacy it brings. Sex is a way of being physicaly and mentaly close in one moment...surely by sleeping with another person you loose a key ingrediant of a marriage..intemacy?


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Scott, 

First thing, your post hurt my eyes. The enter key is your friend.

Second, your philosophy makes my brain hurt. 

If that's what floats you boat, row with it. 

I need an aspirin.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> Scott,
> 
> First thing, your post hurt my eyes. The enter key is your friend.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


----------



## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

I'd choose good-bye....


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

You can justify it however you want. But deep down in your soul...never spoken, you are hurt. She hurt you when she revealed you are inadequate for her sexually. And you are turned on by the idea of her with other men. If that's what you like more power to you. But do not turn your situation into a "society condemns what they don't understand" mantra.

You're making a simple situation complex. Your wife screws other men and you're okay with it. I am anything but closed minded sexually, but your "lifestyle" is no life at all..at least not a married one. You dont need to be married to have the life you're living. And no, being a **** doesn't destroy marriage or society at all because frankly I dont really care what 2 people do behind closed doors. I do care that you have kids that will more than likely have a bad breakup to look forward to with their parents. 

I'm not gonna preach. I appreciate your openness. But I also have to be billy bad a$$ most of the day and when I come home I would become anything my wife requested in the bedroom (if she ever wanted it). 

It IS about being a man and manning up. It goes against the characteristics of a strong male figure to allow another man to bang your wife. It's as simple as that.


----------



## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Do all trolls lack the ability to use paragraphs?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

OK, so right now, you have no interest in other women. Got it. You like to watch men f*ck your wife. Well, OK then. Funny thing tho. It's just a matter of time before you tell her you want the same thing she has. And she will say no because the thought of you being with another woman makes her jealous. Oh, and she will say she only has these lovers because you want her to have them. THEN, you will resent her, and begin online EAs. Finally, it will culminate in you moving out. I have seen it. Best if luck to you tho!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

I was responding, then thought wow....
why?


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Btw... this lifestyle destroys more marriages then it supposedly saves.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Good for you Scott.

Even though were are complete oppisites I however have lightened up on my wife, I have stopped the hair pulling and the choaking, still do a little spanking but not so much. My problem is I can "take" my wife better then making love to her. So I doubt I will get a serrigate to make love to my wife cuz that would mean an emotional attachment. I find it better to just meet her need and slow down and soften up once in a while. It seems to work, you know meeting her needs and wants. Cant realy imagine some one else doing what I should be doing. Sure my wife can be a nasty dirty girl and I can fullfil that need with no problem, and when she wants the kissing and the eye contact I will struggle but the effort on my part makes my wife want me and only me even more. Its hard work but I'm not one to be lazy. I'm not one to let some one else do my job. I could deligate some of my husbandly duties but my wife wouldn't really apreciate me for not making an effert and giving the chore to make love to my wife. So it is a chore and a struggle to be softer and slower when we have sex, yes its more of a turn on for me just to take her, but a guys gotta do what a guys gotta do and not let someone else do the work for them.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

The OP is likely not real. However, just in case it is I'll throw in one point. Many have already talked about the relationship itself and have made great points. Scott fails to grasp one fatal flaw in his so-called life. The flaw is that his kids are being exposed to a life that will affect them in negative ways. 

If the kids are boys, then the boys are being taught how to allow other men invade their marriages and take their wives without complaint. If he has girls, they are being taught how it is just and appropriate for them to take on additional lovers without feeling morally wrong about how their husbands would feel about it. I don't care what Scott says, he knows that what he is doing is not healthy. If he can't feel enough respect for himself to kick these men out of this bedroom, then he should at least love his children enough to kick these men out of his wife's bedroom if for no other reason than to set a good example for his kids. This is a shame on so many levels...


----------



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

People are weird......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

Well said the guy  It's good that you can mix it up, my H can too... and the only "surrogate" he wants around is a handyman to do all the crap he doesn't want to do... (paint the house, fix the roof, work on the cars, etc.)


----------



## VBVA (Aug 7, 2012)

Thanks for the responses. Again, it was meant as a perspective. The assumptions I had read in prior posts, here, made me want to someway say it's not all true. My wife and I saw the wall coming, and we swerved before we ever had the chance to hit it. Much like a post I saw this morning, "Letter to my husband". I only hoped to share what worked for us, really listening to the others needs, while dispelling stereotypes that did not blanket us. 

Like shags...actually the bulls in the past have been quite generous. But, this is not prostitution so gifts are refused. Also, it is assumed that we are no longer intimate. Far from it; averaging several times a week and we still feel the connection after so may years. Or another like I "get off seeing rough men plowing her" while I watch. That only confirms the fallacy that degradation/voyerism automatically floats my boat while I indicated that we are really 'cut and dry'. I 'sometimes watch' but I prefer not to witness. This is her need, not mine. So yes, I believe "society condemns what they don't understand" and felt compelled to write about what works in "my so called life" as p9 put it.

It is only a fix for us, and I did not mean to make simple situation complex for you. But more importantly, never alluded that my children had any knowledge to this whatsoever. They are completely oblivious. We have raised them and they now have begun their own journey. We certainly could have divorced long ago, but what lesson would that have taught them? 

"Marriage is historically a word that defines an exclusive relationship between two consenting adults".... That is what compelled me the most. It is so much more than a 'word'. It is a union...a partnership...a journey together. It is ours. I only wished to share. Best wishes to all of you.

Respectfully,
Scott


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

VBVA said:


> Thanks for the responses. Again, it was meant as a perspective. The assumptions I had read in prior posts, here, made me want to someway say it's not all true. My wife and I saw the wall coming, and we swerved before we ever had the chance to hit it. Much like a post I saw this morning, "Letter to my husband". I only hoped to share what worked for us, really listening to the others needs, while dispelling stereotypes that did not blanket us.
> 
> Like shags...actually the bulls in the past have been quite generous. But, this is not prostitution so gifts are refused. Also, it is assumed that we are no longer intimate. Far from it; averaging several times a week and we still feel the connection after so may years. Or another like I "get off seeing rough men plowing her" while I watch. That only confirms the fallacy that degradation/voyerism automatically floats my boat while I indicated that we are really 'cut and dry'. I 'sometimes watch' but I prefer not to witness. This is her need, not mine. So yes, I believe "society condemns what they don't understand" and felt compelled to write about what works in "my so called life" as p9 put it.
> 
> ...


Then you 2 must be older since it sounds like the children are out of the house. If that's true, you should be happy to share with your kids this solution that the 2 of you came up with. If you believe that what you are doing is not wrong, then your kids should be able to understand that mom needs to have sex with other men and that your solution can be a viable fix to marital problems that your children might be experiencing in their own relationships.


----------



## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> This is her need, not mine.


Then it is even worse than being a closet homosexual. You've just nulled yourself for a woman. 



> It is so much more than a 'word'. It is a union...a partnership...a journey together.


Together? How is it together? She goes on doing every guy she wants while you sometimes watch? How is this together? 



> But more importantly, never alluded that my children had any knowledge to this whatsoever. They are completely oblivious. We have raised them and they now have begun their own journey. We certainly could have divorced long ago, but what lesson would that have taught them?


That their personal self esteem must be above base needs? What if one of them gets cheated on? Will you just tell them to nullify themselves in order to be with an unworthy partner at all costs?


----------



## lalsr1988 (Apr 16, 2012)

Thank you modern society....not
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

I applaud the honesty of the poster. That does not preclude me from thinking he is delusional and trying to justify and rationalize his choice. Really is it so different from those in bad marriages and how they discuss their situations?

Of course the idea of swapping & open marriages & swinging are really all one in the same, and would have the same response on TAM.

Cuckolding though is an extreme and truly not for the "faint of heart". You can say whatever you want and if you have made peace, I really can't argue with you, but that does not mean I do not find it sad and pathetic (yes a strong word).


----------



## Theohe (Jul 23, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Btw... this lifestyle destroys more marriages then it supposedly saves.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How do you know this? Just a feeling?

It is amazing how close minded of a society we have. So much hate is spewed here against a person that is just living how they prefer. Do you think their 'corrupt' values will seep into the entire population and destroy it? This kind of mentality used to insult the OP is the same mentality used to commit genocide. So him and his wife live different than normal, why is that wrong? They are hurting no one.

Good for you OP. I am married and choose to stay monogamous with my wife. But by whose authority deems that to be the proper way to live? Do what make you and those around you happy, and just ignore those that choose to jump on the bandwagon of hate and bigotry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

VBVA

Apparently you're definately not preaching to the choir here. I'm not sure of the purpose of your post. I'm assuming you're looking for feedback. 

I've observed through listening to radio call in shows and reading advice columns many men who fantasize about watching their partners have sex with another man. You're not alone. One difference seems to be most of them talk of being turned on by the idea of seeing their partner with another man whereas you seem almost indifferent to it. 

I'm certainly not going to judge you. You've apparently found something that works for you and your wife. Just as in swinging some people don't live according to social norms. Some are successful on these paths. Others implode spectacularly. As long as you're being honest with yourself and aren't simply justifying the course you are taking there is nothing wrong with it.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

one_strange_otter calling other poeple weird....LOL

I know I'm weird but that just made me laugh.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I am in no way spewing hate toward the OP. Look around.... plenty of people who have tried inviting another into the marriage end up seeing a divorce lawyer or hating themselves for letting it happen. If they don't leave the marriage.... they end up bitter and resentful while their partner goes off enjoying themselves. Seems to me like monogamy is being condemned so people can just... do as they please. Just because it may "work" for a few... doesn't mean the rest of us have to agree and apply it to our lives. 


Sorry but if my spouse ever wanted to and found it ok to let me screw whomever ... I would lose respect for him. Why? Because I prefer a man who will put effort into keeping me as well as satisfying me. I don't care how you try to rationilize this... its not something I would ever apply to my own life or agree with. That is my POV and it will never change. You and the OP are entitled to your POVs and good for you if it works for you but for many.. it doesn't because jealousy essentially pops its nasty head up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

A different perspective is sometimes good. In the modern context of sex as recreation, what is it still about sex that makes it the only activity that has to be confined exclusively to the spouses, with even self-help often frowned upon? And if one or both spouses cannot force themselves to meet the partner's criteria, why must the relationship be terminated and a search re-initiated for one in which the criteria could potentially match?

To paraphrase the title of a rap song (or album, I forget): Get compatible or die tryin'?


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Jealousy... territorial behavior... if both lack those in the relationship.. then sure it will likely work for them but a lot of people will still feel jealousy and a sense of being territorial.. hence why it would not work out. If one partner is ok... but the other is not... again it won't work.. especially if the feeling of jealousy is very strong. Which is why many suggest leaving rather then staying.. if the jealous partner were to stay.. they would no doubt build resentment and it would no doubt send them into a rage... especially if its not natural to them to put aside their feelings and let it happen. It wouldn't be fair to them imo.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

Valid point. If you get jealous, you must also own up to your own failures. But no one can force you to squeeze out unnatural effort or to stay in unfavorable situation. It's also a valid point that one can keep trying until the grave to find that compatibility within some acceptable margin and never succeed.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Trouble this topic isn't sex in marriage. It's accepted cheating while married.

And I do find it shocking that when a woman cheats on her husband like this because he isn't man enough for her, the man calls himself a fancy name and posts to the world how happy he is that housewife is cheating.

But when a man finds his wife isn't woman enough for him and does the same, we all recognize that she is being cheated on and gve her help. No one would even think about telling her how lucky she is to be do liberated that she is happy she is being cheated on.

I also find it interesting that I have never ever read a post anywhere from a wife praising how lucky she is to havea cheating husband.

Interesting difference isn't it?


----------



## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

Perhaps much hinges on the perception of the third party. Men don't demonize other men who sleep around, while for a woman scarcely anything is worse than being publicly labeled a "s**t".


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think it is tested sense of pursuit and negotiation by the male in a cuckod relationship.

The men are taught to do things to attract a wife. That they need to shave their beard so as not to scratch, to get a good job to provide etc. And also be a white knight saving the girl.

Then they meet a girl who likes what they offer materially, but not what they offer as a man. She wants to be with what she sees as better males who only want her for sex. The man doesn't like being number two, but he has internally become so twisted with a sense odd being the white knight provider that eventually he rationalizes it into being his new normal and in fact defends his wife's choosing to cheat on him.

I think on the other hand women don't have that sane white knight logic and instead they tell the guy to leave if he wants to cheat.

It is also true that the women feel they can attract a new sex partner as it is easier for women than men.

Meanwhile the man stays and provides and accepts he is a secondary sex partner to his wife because he fears tht he will not have any partners that will want him, especially as he is dealing with the selfesteeme issues driven into him by his wife's preference fir other men.


----------



## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Reading this thread is like swallowing epicac.


----------



## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

So your wife can cheat on you with who she wants, and she convinced you that it's ok and you should be happy for it? Sounds like she has it made and you're too much of a wimp to stop it.


----------



## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

All I read was

My wife fvcks other men, and I don't like to watch"

If you were one of those weird guys who like watching bulls ramming their wifes that be one thing.

"willful cuckolds ENJOY the watching"

You're something else though.

Your wife basically told you shes screwing other men, but since you don't have the balls to put a stop to it you've actually convinced yourself that you're okay with it and thats its not a problem. 

Denial is a magical thing indeed.

So be it, enjoy your **** life with men all up in your wife while telling yourself its okay.


----------



## HuggyBear (Aug 4, 2012)

For those who would condemn or judge the guy, ask yourself "if I was somehow disabled from having sex, would I deny my wife/husband that pleasure in life?"

I'm not even going to get into internet porn memes, but a cuckold is simply a guy whose wife has sex with another man. Been cheated on? You're a cuckold, too! Mailman, milkman, boss, neighbor, whatever, whoever... known or unknown.

At least she's not doing it behind his back, or secretly.



Shaggy said:


> Trouble this topic isn't sex in marriage. It's accepted cheating while married.


I would counter that if resources (like money, actual property) aren't being shared, there is really no emotional attachment, and it's not really interrrupting the relationship, it's NOT cheating.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

HuggyBear said:


> *For those who would condemn or judge the guy*, ask yourself "if I was somehow disabled from having sex, would I deny my wife/husband that pleasure in life?"
> 
> I'm not even going to get into internet porn memes, but a cuckold is simply a guy whose wife has sex with another man. Been cheated on? You're a cuckold, too! Mailman, milkman, boss, neighbor, whatever, whoever... known or unknown.
> 
> ...


I love this tactic because it implies that people are trying to stamp out this behavior and that the OP is not allowed to live his life as he chooses. Just because there are people on here voicing their opinion on why this set up is bad, horrible, stupid, etc, it doesn't mean that the OP isn't free to do what he wants.

Why do people feel the need to receive acceptance and affirmations from others for their choices? If the OP wants a once sided open marriage, he is within his rights to live that way. However, it is within our rights to not like the choice he made and to not accept the idea that this arrangement is equally valid as a conventional marriage.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

HuggyBear said:


> For those who would condemn or judge the guy, ask yourself "if I was somehow disabled from having sex, would I deny my wife/husband that pleasure in life?"
> 
> I'm not even going to get into internet porn memes, but a cuckold is simply a guy whose wife has sex with another man. Been cheated on? You're a cuckold, too! Mailman, milkman, boss, neighbor, whatever, whoever... known or unknown.
> 
> At least she's not doing it behind his back, or secretly.


As long as I am physically capable of having sex with my husband, and he is physically capable of having sex with me, I call it cheating. Honestly, I call it cheating in MY marriage if EITHER of us searches elsewhere. Ours is a monogamous marriage. The only people who belong in it are him and me. That's it. 



> I would counter that if resources (like money, actual property) aren't being shared, there is really no emotional attachment, and it's not really interrrupting the relationship, it's NOT cheating.


By your logic, my parents have no real emotional attachment because they have separate bank accounts, separate bills, etc. They've been married almost 40 years and love each other very much. Whenever one has been hospitalized, the other is beside himself/herself with worry. They can't imagine life without each other. By your logic about not sharing things, they should have no emotional attachment. That logic is flawed.


The bottom line is the OP has accepted this cheating as being ok in his marriage. If that's what he likes...to see/know his wife is being serviced by other men because he just doesn't do it for her, it's his life. I only know it cannot, and WILL not work for me.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

HuggyBear said:


> I would counter that if resources (like money, actual property) aren't being shared, there is really no emotional attachment, and it's not really interrrupting the relationship, it's NOT cheating.


Sorry nope. Cant' agree. These other guys aren't emotionless dildos - they are other men who she is talking with, building relationships, and one-one inside secrets with.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

BTW - we are not judging the GUY or condemning the GUY

We are not agreeing with his choices or his rationalizations.


----------



## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

VBVA,

I know you spent a lot of time writing this, so I'm hesitant to delete it, but the Sex Section on TAM is really for Q&A only - for people to post problems and others to give feedback.

There really is no place on the site for this type of topic. There are plenty of other websites that would be more suited for it.

TAM is a forum for people looking for help in their marriage, and for those who wish to respond with supportive advice.


----------

