# Sexual Interest equals love?



## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

this might sound strange - I equate sexual interest in a man with love and affection. If the man is not interested in sex with me, I feel there is something MAJORLY wrong. 

While chatting with my man tonight, he mentioned he misses my hugs (awwww) then he said something interesting (and most disturbing I thought) what he likes about me most is: hugs, baths together, sex, sleeping in each other's arms and having tea together. 

Sex was THIRD? below towels??! he is the first man I have been with who likes to spoil me - gives me foot rubs, runs baths for me, makes me tea etc. We have been together for almost two years now - is the sex just wearing off? He was amazing in bed - absolutely wow. But now he puts giving me a towel above sex? what did i do wrong? 

quotes from him: Hugs are amazing, baths I get to spoil you, sex is fun but not most important, sleeping with u in my arms is divine, and tea is always fun when its with you...Well don't get me wrong, the sex is 'happy dance' good, but its not the delight I get from rubbing your feet in the tub or yer legs or toweling you off after - That's something just for you and me. 

Now this set off my radar - mostly because he's been much cooler in bed, suggesting we do a threesome with a friend of his etc. Of course threesomes would ONLY include the extra being a girl, never a guy (hrumph!) 

Perhaps I'm making mountains out of molehills - or maybe there is something to it - but it seems strange to me that a man 10 yrs younger than me who used to have an insatiable sex drive and interest in me suddenly puts having sex with me somewhere below giving me a towel. I dunno. maybe it's me?:scratchhead:


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Lets see here..... 1) sex 2) sexual conversations 3) watching sexual related movies/programing. Sex do not define my love its not the MOST important... But it is very important... But its just me I can't speak for every guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

snix11 said:


> sex is fun but not most important,


Is it possible he just doesn't want to come off as a Horn dog, as most women wouldn't want their men to say this 1st, many women are comforted when the man feels as yours spoke!

Was he aware you was taking all of his thoughts as a number, sex being #3 - or did you ask specifically what order he would value all of these things? 

Does he also know YOU put this higher than anything else in a relationship? 

I feel the same as you accually, I think I am addicted to Romance sometimes - I would want my husband to say "Making Love" is #1. We've talked about this, we both feel nothing in life even comes close. Desire for one another /sexual intimacy = abiding passionate Love. No greater pleasure God have given us to enjoy on earth. 


My guess is he has no idea you took his comments in a list like fashion.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

As long as he is frequently pursuing you for sex - I wouldn't sweat this. Sounds like he loves you sexually AND non-sexually which is a killer combo. 




snix11 said:


> this might sound strange - I equate sexual interest in a man with love and affection. If the man is not interested in sex with me, I feel there is something MAJORLY wrong.
> 
> While chatting with my man tonight, he mentioned he misses my hugs (awwww) then he said something interesting (and most disturbing I thought) what he likes about me most is: hugs, baths together, sex, sleeping in each other's arms and having tea together.
> 
> ...


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Sounds to me like he is telling you what you want to hear. The jealous side of me, which is only open to threesomes in fantasy, would question his desire to be with more than you.

Love defined is so different to each individual that I'm sure my own definition wouldn't match yours but if you are happy in this relationship why second guess it or, if you're going to second guess it, I would do it with him as he alone has the answer.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

He's telling you what he thinks you want to hear. C'mon what guy wants a hug over getting in your pants. 

As Trenton states we all define love differently.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Thanks for the replies - Yes i did ask him about the numbers aspect and list, yes he knows sex aka romance is #1 with me and yes, he admitted telling me what i wanted to hear. While that was sweet and all, i'd rather hear the truth, always than a well intended mistruth. 

That said, we did manage a two day weekend in which he made it delightfully clear that I was still 'wanted'


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

This guy sounds pretty damned sensuous to me. Taking a bath together is quite sensual for a guy. Sleeping in the arms of a woman I love is highly erotic for me. Having tea together means he is focusing his entire energy on you, gazing at you, devouring every word you say. If my guess is right, this guy is far more sexually interested in you than some guy who just wants a little slap and tickle. Still waters run deep and I guarantee that in this guy's mind, you are some sort of mega-hot sex goddess. I do all those things for my wife, too. I brush her hair, massage her feet, hold her hand, etc. Probably means little to her, but each of those are seriously intimate acts for me.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> This guy sounds pretty damned sensuous to me. Taking a bath together is quite sensual for a guy. Sleeping in the arms of a woman I love is highly erotic for me. Having tea together means he is focusing his entire energy on you, gazing at you, devouring every word you say. If my guess is right, this guy is far more sexually interested in you than some guy who just wants a little slap and tickle. Still waters run deep and I guarantee that in this guy's mind, you are some sort of mega-hot sex goddess. I do all those things for my wife, too. I brush her hair, massage her feet, hold her hand, etc. Probably means little to her, but each of those are seriously intimate acts for me.


Even if he has proposed a threesome? Seems to me the two are conflicting.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My bad, I didn't read far enough. The "Threesome" thing is a little too far out there and doesn't sound like cherishing to me.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I have the same issue. I've always equated a man desiring me equal to loving me. Probably has to do with some screwed up things from my childhood.

Probably the biggest reason why I feel so rejected and unloved with the current lack of intimacy in my marriage. If you don't want to have sex with me - then you musn't love me.

Screwed up I know but how do you change that thinking after 50 years?


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## newlystepmommed (Nov 9, 2010)

I would say he is doing things that turn him on. Some guys like the spoiling and noises you make when he does things for and to you. Sometimes it is a tease, something to make you want them more.. chase them a bit. 
Sometimes.. all the stroking and waiting makes sex more explosive. More intimate.. on a completely different level. 
Maybe he just wanted your take on the threesome. I would say UH.. NO! and leave that one where it lies!
Oh.. you could always just take him.. why wait for him to initiate!


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