# how often is considered "normal" for a couple have sex?



## ivygirl13 (Sep 19, 2014)

I have been in a relationship for 16 years. We both met very young and have been together through thick and thin situations. But I have to say lately we are both having more than usual arguments about not having sex often. When we met, we were young and with no worries about anything in life. We would make love as often as 5 to 6 times a week. Now, with my daughter in the 4th grade and me going back to college and working full time, I don't have the same desire to be with him as I use to. we may have once or twice a week and some week nothing. I am under a lot of pressure and constantly being questioned if I love him or not? And that I should see a therapist because of my lack of desire. I am getting very uncomfortable with this. Is it wrong having only 1 - 2 times a week or should I be considering his side and question myself, and maybe seek professional help for not wanting to be with him as often as he would like?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

There is no "normal".

There are statistical averages. The average for US married couples is about 1-2 times per week I believe. 

But averages are compiled of massive variations.

What is "normal" isn't relevent so much is what is satisfying for you both. There are people, some on this very board, who would kill for sex 1-2 times per week. Yet that doesn't seem to be satisfying enough for you two. It's what matters to YOU that counts.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Step 1 is to simply accept the fact that your husband is not satisfied. It is useless to try to convince him he is not. Arguments about what is a "normal" amount of sex will go no where. He is unhappy.

Step 2 is to consider how much you care whether your husband is unhappy. Do you care enough to do something about it right now? Or are you more focused on winning the conflict? What does winning even look like in this situation?

Step 3 is to consider what the cost is for ignoring this issue or trying to "win". Right now, it may only require a small effort to bring your relationship back into equilibrium. If you do nothing or try to steamroll your husband, you may find that a cycle of resentment takes hold-- he resents you for being physically unavailable, he detaches emotionally, then you resent him and withdraw physically even more. Around and around. It is very difficult to get out of this cycle once it starts.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Ivy, what do YOU want? Are you more comfortable with the status quo, or do you 'want to want it' more?


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Ivy,

If you want some insight into what is "normal", this question was asked just a little while ago and a whole thread on this developed. You can read it all here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/215434-normal-amount-sex.html


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Yep, no average everyone is different. To be crass and vulgar if this was a hypothetical guy conversation amongst guys. Do most guys want to sleep with their wives every day of the week? Most guys will say NO!! 

Ask that same guy would they want to sleep with 7 different women in a week and amongst guys and "joking" the answer is usually HELL YEAH.

VARIETY VARIETY VARIETY


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

*Re: Re: how often is considered "normal" for a couple have sex?*



jaquen said:


> There are people, some on this very board, who would kill for sex 1-2 times per week.


......kill? Hell, I'd incite riots and usher in the Apocalypse for 1-2 times a YEAR.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I didn't realize how much I had missed having sex life until after my divorce.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

As a previous poster said, there is NO normal but there is an average.

'Normal' for one couple could be once a month, for another 4 x a week. If both are happy with frequency then it really doesnt matter.

However...if one spouse wants it 4 x a week and the other once a month then there will be problems unless BOTH compromise.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

hookares said:


> I didn't realize how much I had missed having sex life until after my divorce.


I didn't realise how much I would miss my sex life until I got married :rofl:


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I think Anon1111 hit the target. The thing is, there's been a significant change in your sex life. There are bound to be some ebbs and flows in frequency, but if that creates an issue it can have detrimental effects on your marriage. Is it truly just circumstances? Or do you feel less desire for your husband specifically? Either way, you need to figure out which and what to do about it, even if that's just talk to him openly and honestly and figure it out together.


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