# friends don't want me to "get in trouble" with husband



## spritza (Feb 16, 2010)

I need an unbiased opinion on this issue. I was having a drink after work on friday afternoon with my friends/neighbours on our street (on the footpath in front of our house). My husband did join us for one drink and then left to get dinner for the kids - he likes to portray the responsible daddy image to all. After one more drink my friends/neighbours told me to go home as otherwise I would be "in trouble" with my husband. I know my husband is controlling and would much rather that I see no-one during his 2 week period at home (he works away for 2 weeks and then is home for 2 weeks). I am incredibly pissed off that I don't even have a say in whether I spend time with others on a friday night, my friends are trying to save my relationship with my husband and keep themselves on a good level with him. I understand this, but feel this is simply reinforcing his control of my life. 

would love to hear your take on this. I have decided that divorce is what needs to happen and hopefully by the end of the year. but I do need to be able to cope with everything until then.

thanks


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## myerssasha (Mar 6, 2010)

Sounds to me like your friends think they know it all or they were trying to get rid of you. regardless of the fact, you are a grown women and you can do what ever you want. If your husband has a problem then its his problem to tell you not theirs.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

spritza said:


> (he works away for 2 weeks and then is home for 2 weeks).





spritza said:


> my husband works away from home on a 4 week away/home rotation.





spritza said:


> He works away for 3 weeks, home for 3 weeks.


this might be a small detail, but just thought it odd that you keep changing his work schedule.


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## spritza (Feb 16, 2010)

didn't realise anyone would do a "background check" before responding! My intentional (minor) fudging of facts was simply a defence (or disguise) should my husband take an interest in my internet history. Considering this is a marriage/divorce forum I thought this was a no-brainer. Not all husbands take the threat of divorce well and without resorting to threatening behaviour!


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## No1Dad (Oct 15, 2009)

Spritza, is it your friends or you who think your husband is controlling? And does he want to come with you or do you like to go out without him? Does he want to spend quality time because of his long times away? I guess I wonder how he is expressing himself and what he might think he's asking for.

My therapist has told me I tend toward controlling, and I am trying to learn this about myself. My W and I are separated and she had an affair a year ago. Not to go on about me, but I wonder if I have things in common with him, and if so, is he trying to ask for something that feels balanced and you have time together as well as with friends, or does it feel like he simply doesn't want you to have friends at all?

Have you told him he is this way and is he open to hearing this about himself?


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

spritza said:


> I need an unbiased opinion on this issue. I was having a drink after work on friday afternoon with my friends/neighbours on our street (on the footpath in front of our house). My husband did join us for one drink and then left to get dinner for the kids - he likes to portray the responsible daddy image to all. After one more drink my friends/neighbours told me to go home as otherwise I would be "in trouble" with my husband. I know my husband is controlling and would much rather that I see no-one during his 2 week period at home (he works away for 2 weeks and then is home for 2 weeks). I am incredibly pissed off that I don't even have a say in whether I spend time with others on a friday night, my friends are trying to save my relationship with my husband and keep themselves on a good level with him. I understand this, but feel this is simply reinforcing his control of my life.
> 
> would love to hear your take on this. I have decided that divorce is what needs to happen and hopefully by the end of the year. but I do need to be able to cope with everything until then.
> 
> thanks


Maybe your neighbors said that to let you know that when your husband is home you have to spend more time with him than your neighbors. 
You know your husband better than your neighbors do. They can't save your relationship, but only you can do that. Maybe you trust more your friends than your husband. You feel more comfortable to talk with them than your husband. If you don't talk with your husband how are you suppose to save your marriage?


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