# Ex husband keeps making my life a living hell



## anna88 (Dec 10, 2017)

I need your opinion of something very private and sensitive. My soon to be ex husband was verbally and psihically abusive. In the last years of our marriage he refused to wear a condom and I could not take the pill as it gave me serious side effects. So, our sex life became a battle field. I did not want another child with him, he insisted we should have a 2nd child. Got into huge fights with me if I refused to give him bjs and he asked for them almost daily. I received nothing in return, he would not touch me because he hated condoms. One night, after another huge fight he asked for sex, I said no. He hit me, cursed at me and the last thing I wanted was to be intimate with him. He said that if I don't stay I should leave the house ( yes, he told me to leave his house each time we had a fight). I got scared, looking back I cannot explain why, I mean I had where to go, but I stayed. We ended up having sex and he refused to wear protection. That is why I tried to stop him, but I couldn't. I got pregnant that night. What followed was a nightmare, I filed for divorce and for a restraining order. I kept the baby and I am so glad I did. But now my ex is opening trial after trial. He plays the victim in the court room. Last trial he filed is for a paternity test for our second child. I am just sick and tired of all this. I have been in court for 3 years now, I think it's enough. He has a fiance and my oldest told the judge he wants to live with him ( brainwashed of course). I have to accept that my child is being raised and care for by a stranger. Although divorce is not final, I just want to run away from this all, I feel like I cannot take it anymore. I don't know how to describe what happened that night...was he sexually abusive? How am I ever to trust somboby else? How to let my child stay with him? It is so hard. I know God doesn't give you more than you can endure, but I want a way out of this mess and I don't know how. I just wanted to vent, thank you for any answer you may give me.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

Yes - that was sexual abuse if he forced himself upon you. Just because you are husband and wife doesn't give either of you dominion over the other. 

My best friend was in a similar situation. Her ex-husband would wake her up at 5am every day and force intercourse before he went to work (he was a farmer). Even went on to complain about her lack of enthusiasm after he literally woke her up with his penis. 

You are better off without this man, and he did abuse you. I am sorry to hear about your son. He will come around at some point when he realizes his Dad's behavior is not okay. 

Why in the world is he dragging this out so long if he has a new wife-to-be??


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

anna88 said:


> I don't know how to describe what happened that night...was he sexually abusive? How am I ever to trust somebody else? How to let my child stay with him? It is so hard. I know God doesn't give you more than you can endure, but I want a way out of this mess and I don't know how. I just wanted to vent, thank you for any answer you may give me.


Yes that is sexual abuse. He refused to wear a condom, knowing damn well you were not okay with it, and this: "I tried to stop him, but I couldn't". He was mentally, physically _and _sexually abusive. I'm sorry you had to go through that. 

As for how you learn to trust someone else, I would highly suggest and encourage you to seek therapy. Preferably with a therapist who specializes in sexual trauma. Experiences like that can cause so many problems if left untreated. If you had a broken leg, you'd get a cast. If you need your appendix out, you'd have surgery. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. 

Can you make your ex's fiancée less of a stranger? Can you ask to meet her and maybe get to know her? 

You said your older child wants to live with his father, but is he even old enough to make that decision? If the child is still young, ask your lawyer about appointing a GAL (guardian ad litem). If you have proof that your ex is trying to alienate your child, that may be able to be used in court as well (it may vary by country). 

The phrase "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" is a load of hogwash. Those words are supposed to be an encouragement but really, they are a discouragement. It's like telling someone they are weak or a failure because they can't handle their life circumstances. I'm pretty sure it's not even accurate, biblically speaking.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

anna88 said:


> I kept the baby and I am so glad I did.


That seems like something positive. Also from the children's perspective regardless of what happens they grow up knowing that their biological father wanted them as opposed to being a child that grows up knowing he/she was rejected and unwanted by a parent. That also seems like something positive even though the reality for you is an unbearable struggle.

Perhaps that helps you find a path to forgiveness one day. Even though forgiveness does NOT mean that accept what happened as something that was OK, it is just a way of letting go and moving forwards with yourself. 

I don't consider myself someone to give meaningful advice on this topic, I just personally understand that finding a way to forgiveness usually seems to also be a way to heal.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You should have him arrested and with a restraining order. This was more than just abuse which is bad enough.


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