# I Am A Scumbag



## lonelyman (Jun 28, 2011)

i feel like a scumbag right now....

some of you im sure know the problems im going through with my fiance and her debt....im lonely and dont really have anybody to talk to about it....

i have been talking/chatting on the internet and forums to people (men and women) about my problem just because i need somebody to listen to me....

well today the chat with a women started going the wrong way if you know what i mean, which has never happened to me before....this is not at all what i was looking for....i guess it was the beginning of an emotional affair....we talked for about 6-8 hours and exchanged pics which i know is wrong....

i have now cut off all contact with this person and have no further desire to talk with them, and i deleted emails and blocked her email from coming as i know this is wrong....i just feel like such a scumbag right now for doing this even though it was a short time i still know it was wrong


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

What kind of debt problems, does your fiance have----there are always many alternatives to any debt problems----maybe you can get some creative help here, instead of going "woe is me" and getting into emotional tie-ups,


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I wouldn't beat yourself up too awful much, your intentions were good, you were lonely, ALOT of lonely souls online. I have learned that one myself. You got carried away - a little flirting, exchanging of pictures. But look, you nipped it in the butt the same day/night !! and did all the right things to STOP it in it's tracks - personally I think you should congratulate yourself for being "honorable".

I have exchanged pictures & talked to many men online-and women - it is nice to see a face (but my husband is fully aware of this , I keep nothing from him) I have even told men how good looking they are, probably said comments that could be taken as flirting, I tend to be a little free with my mouth. But it is all in FUN / compliments / My writing style. If this contributes an emotional affair then I have the beginnings of -well, I lost count. 

But true, we *KNOW *when we are crossing a line, you KNOW that in your heart, it speaks to you - so again -pat yourself on the back, you handled this very well , doing the right thing!  

My question is -would you share this with your girlfriend? Chances are , she would immidiately freak out & hold it against you. But ya know , that is a shame really. To be able to take ALL to your lover, to your best friend & them listen, & TRY to "understand" what led you to reach out to another, your frustrations -after all look how you handled this afterwards- beautifully, does this NOT speak what is truly in your heart-how much you ultimetly care for her ?? 

Not that I suggest you tell her. Just saying. 

When married, I think total transparency is what keeps people from crossing these lines, that is MY belief. When we start hiding everything we are ashamed of , lets say this happens again someday (another fight, you are lonely) , then again, but we keep hiding it- that is where the slope gets TOO slippery. 

I don't expect my spouse to be PERFECT, I just expect him to be HONEST with me , telling me ALL things- he feels the same about me. This is Golden.


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## TaylorsMummy (Aug 24, 2011)

my partner has been doing this, i caught him out. He promised me he stopped.. but he didnt, i caught him again, with the same women [who is soooooooooooo ugly!!]. and now i do not know what to do


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Good for you for recognizing that you crossed a boundary. It is so easy to get our emotional needs met by someone online. No contact is the way to go. The reason that online advice can be so helpful is that it is anonymous. Once you cross into personal information and pictures, you are having needs met that should only be met by your partner.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I think that it's a really good thing that you recognized the line you crossed instead of justifying it--that's a huge thing right there! So many people don't/can't do that, so at least be proud of that!

However, in the larger picture, I think you should also look at this as maybe another red flag with things in your relationship overall. If you're exhibiting classical signs of depression, finding conversations like these a slippery slope when they weren't before, etc....it may be time to look seriously at what you can keep putting into this relationship. It might be time to look past the concrete problem of what to do about the $30k or whatever, but to take a serious look at how compatible you really are in terms of money, values, priorities etc. and maybe in reflecting on that, some of these other symptoms will get resolved.


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## lonelyman (Jun 28, 2011)

thanks for the replies....i guess i feel a bit better about it now even though i still know it was wrong....

i am starting to try to look at our relationship in different ways....im starting to ask myself if i would want this relationship to continue even if money and debt was not an issue....


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