# What should I do?



## ladylake (Sep 5, 2013)

Married 35 yrs the last 10 or so have been more down than up. The economy hit us hard - my husband has 2 jobs & I went back to work this yr FT, sometimes OT, at age 60. We both work a 6 day work week. We hardly see each other & when we do, we tend to fight. Add to that, both his mother & my mother have Alzheimer's & a son with with medical issues. 

Tonight was the start of the Jewish Holidays. We are no longer very religious but at sundown each major Jewish Holiday we make sure no work gets in the way (we take off work for our most religious holidays -- the Jewish New Year). I left work early to prepare for the holiday meal. Husband was to leave early too. An hr after he should have been home he called, saying he was delayed at work (he is a car salesman). I was furious. His work knew he was Jewish & was leaving early. He promised he would be home before sundown. He arrived home at 8pm (our traditional dinner starts around 630pm). I told him he has lost respect for his religion & for me. He said he had no choice, he didn't want to lose a sale. I know money is a big issue but we are far from starving. Do I have a right to be upset? He tells me he will be off work tomorrow, isn't that enough? He always seem to turn the argument around & make me feel like the bad guy. Any advice please?


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

Hi Ladylake, it might be time to sit down and reevaluate your economic situation. You say that now you are far from starving, but before the economy hit you hard. I think you and your husband need to reevaluate the work/life balance so that you are both setting aside that important time to be with each other and not let work/money engulf your marriage.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You have a right to be upset, of course. On the other hand, I don't think _this _one incident is the problem, either - especially as you're not very religious. I think it's the overall long-term stress of your changed circumstances and less time together that's letting any little thing be a trigger for arguments.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

ladylake said:


> Do I have a right to be upset?


I don't think so, although he probably should have called you.



ladylake said:


> He tells me he will be off work tomorrow, isn't that enough?


It should be.



ladylake said:


> He always seem to turn the argument around & make me feel like the bad guy.


This is NOT fair IMO, but seems to indicate that you guys are having a lot of communication issues in your M. 



ladylake said:


> Any advice please?


You two sound like you have a lot of stresses in the marriage. Money issues, child issues, medical issues, parent issues, Alzheimers, lack of time together, poor communication...

Do you want to divorce and start over with someone else at 60+ years old, because that would really SUCK! 

You two need to start communicating better and setting aside some time a few times per week to reconnect and destress. 

Can you two get away and do a M rebuilding weekend/seminar or something. That, to me would get the ball rolling in the right direction and set you two on a better path. Most of all...START MAKING TIME FOR EACH OTHER!


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