# Women, are you still "in" love with your husband?



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I copied this from a thread in the men's forum. Thought it would be interesting to see what the answer are here.

If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with him your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow? 

If no, were you ever? If so, do you believe it's possible to get that feeling back for him. Do you even want to?


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## Boogiemaster (Oct 11, 2012)

The men's post's are copyright, bloody women


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I am madly in love with my husband, always have been, and we constantly engage in the behaviors that keep us in love.

We've had really big issues over the years, ones which threatened to break us up. But even during the darkest times, I was still madly in love with him.

Luckily we got past those issues with a lot of effort and deliberate intention to do so.

Now we can pretty much sail through things. We still tend to bump up against each other in ways and get grumpy about something...but it is over quickly and the "in love" chemicals keep flowing before, during and after.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Boogiemaster said:


> The men's post's are copyright, bloody women


Oh stuff it :rofl:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

168 views and one woman replies? Wow.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

By the way. I cannot replay because I'm no longer married.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

I'm the first no vote. I was in love, from years 3 to 8 or so, but it's been about 5 years since I felt in love with him. It doesn't seem that it's going to come back, but I'm still holding on to the hope because we have kids.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Yes, I am still crazy about my guy. We've been married for 35 years, and I can honestly say that our marriage is the thing that has given me the most joy in my life. Ebb and flow? Hmm, not really, but we did have to learn how to compromise and how to support each other in the first few years of marriage. I tend to hold grudges and be a pouter, and my husband cured me of that. He has a temper, and I have learned to leave him alone when he is about to explode. 

We both have deep feelings and nurture the romance in our marriage. We are an example of opposites being attracted to each other, and I think that the fact that we challenge each other has contributed to our longevity. We also discovered early on that keeping the sexual fires burning has helped us to overcome any resentments might have cropped up and prevented us from being open with each other.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

Yes, I am still in love with my guy. We've been together 6 years total, will be married for 4 years in July. I have my moments when I am detached or ticked off, but I've never been more than a day at most away from being back in love.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Yep! Just as in love as in the beginning, years ago, not a tiny tad bit less ! I could never love anyone else.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

In love from 1 - 15 years. Not so much from 15-21. Had a very rough patch that almost ended in divorce. Re-connected and I fell in love with him all over again. My marriage has never been so good! You can fall in love with the same man all over again. I know because it happened to me.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

We're not married, but as good as. We've been together 3 years and my love for my SO continues to grow.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Yes, I'm still in love with him...maybe even more so than when we got married. We've been together for 23 years and married for a good part of those years. I haven't ever lost my feeling of love for him though the "I"m so in love with you" faded during a rough patch, but I still loved him even then and I got my in love feelings for him back again. Infidelity wasn't issue for us even in our most difficult times.

We're a team. As my husband is so fond of joking "there's no I or U (you) in team...just some T & A."  

We're not in a power struggle or constant, angry scorecard keeping of who said what or did what. I've done that in the past and so has he, but we've risen above it. He treats me like his girlfriend even after all these years with his looks, comments and attention. He has the same weird sense of humor I do. I don't take him for granted and neither does he. I don't know why we've been together this long..perhaps there's some luck involved too.


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## tiredwife&sahm (Jan 4, 2012)

I'm going to say yes simply because I don't know the difference between being in love and loving someone. Every time I hear about people telling their spouses "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" I always wonder wth that means. Maybe they should say I love you but I'm not infatuated with you anymore, now that is something I get.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

tiredwife&sahm said:


> I'm going to say yes simply because I don't know the difference between being in love and loving someone. Every time I hear about people telling their spouses "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" I always wonder wth that means. Maybe they should say I love you but I'm not infatuated with you anymore, now that is something I get.


I think I can help to clarify this. At least in my opinion.

The love for my spouse changed from the romantic love I had felt for him to a kind of a family, brother love if that makes sense. It is common and happens to a lot of couples who have been together for a long time. When a marriage goes sexless that is one of the reasons. At least that is what happened to me. I no longer loved him as a romantic sexual partner. I just loved him like he was part of the family, like a brother. 

I changed that.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yes, I still love him. But it is a continual struggle. Sometimes it's good, other times not. So much water under the bridge, it's so hard to fully turn that corner when the stuff that killed it keeps cropping up from time to time. Bless him, he is trying...


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I copied this from a thread in the men's forum. Thought it would be interesting to see what the answer are here.
> 
> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with him your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?
> 
> ...


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Together more than 20 years, married 10. 

I am totally in love with my husband. We've had difficult times over the 20 years and did split up for about 2 years in our early 20s. We also had a bad time after our first baby, which was 80% exhaustion-based, I think.

What keeps us in love, apart from our basic connection which seems to be part of the bedrock of both our personalities, has really been learning to be open, honest and vulnerable with each other. It's a process. 

My marriage is the greatest gift in my life. It brings me such joy.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

"Over the top" in ... 

Last year at a Flea Market (or maybe the year before...time slips so very fast).. this Plaque caught my eye....as soon as I took these words in...I lost it... couldn't hold back the tears.......needed a darn kleenex!  Him right there beside me as he always is....he had to buy it as I didn't want to show my face.... there is just such an overwhelming "Thankfulness" there ...for what we share...all that HE has brought into my life.










I get very mushy over my husband ...he's always loved this about me though...so I don't even try to hold back... I can be a "firestorm" on the other end, so it's good I have this deep sentimental side ..... He is like this as well... So we "get" each other... 

He is The Wind Beneath my Wings...this song is another that speaks it all for me.......Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion  

We've had very few hardships in our marriage.....the most difficult for me - which I made it for him....was feeling we'd never realize the family we have today....I was grouchy, angry at times...I'm not exactly the most patient women when I deeply want something...but as always...looking back... he made it so bearable, loved me through it ....as that is all I know.....he's always been my Sunshine, even when I could be RAIN. 

Near every memory, he was beside me holding my hand......Been together 31 yrs ... married 23... 6 children later... we'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.


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## BWBill (Jan 30, 2013)

*"I love you, but I'm not in love with you"*

I'll clarfy also. Everything before the "but" is a lie.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Yes! Together for 8 years, married for 2. While the initial fire fades a bit, like it always does, I still get tingly around him and look forward to seeing him (well most days). He is 19 years older than me and sometimes when I step back and look at him objectively I can see that he's aged (he was 50 when we met) I only see it when I step back and think about it. I still love the way he smells when I hug him and even though he does have irritating traits I can honestly say that since we met i've never seriously considered another man, at least besides noticing good looking men (hey, I'm married not dead!). I never had this with my first husband and I feel bad for anyone that's never experienced it. My dad once told me, during my unhappy first marriage, that everyone should experience at least one real love story at some point in their life, and boy was he right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

Together for 6.5 years, married 4.5 years. He annoys me at time and tries my patience, but yes, I'm still in love with him. I think he is the sexiest man I've ever met.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Most definitely 



EleGirl said:


> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married).


 We started 'going out' in 1996. We got married in 2001. We split up in March 2010 when I found out he cheated - we lived apart for 5 months.



EleGirl said:


> Have you stayed in love with him your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?


 That's a hard one to answer. There's definitely an ebb and flow to it, but whether I actually fell all the way OUT of love with him I can't really pinpoint. I would tend to say no, but I certainly have NOT 'liked' him all the way through. The day I kicked him out was for sure the day I liked him the least, out of all the days we've been together, and I was done with the marriage, but I can't say that I was completely out of love with him, no.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Been together 24 years married almost 22. Yes I'm completely head over heels in love with my husband. We've had our rocky years true but I never stopped loving him.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

Together 12 years, married 7. I'm more in love with him NOW than when we were dating. I love my kids and family, but have to say I absolutely cherish the moment they are all in bed and we are alone  There have been tense patches along the way but I never fell out of love for him.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

tiredwife&sahm said:


> I'm going to say yes simply because I don't know the difference between being in love and loving someone. Every time I hear about people telling their spouses "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" I always wonder wth that means. Maybe they should say I love you but I'm not infatuated with you anymore, now that is something I get.


I've never really understood that phrase either, and yours does make more sense.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My title says it all. 

We've been together for 14 years with a very successful and happy marriage. We've felt this way most of the time. We both have our off moments, usually not at the same time, but those off moments don't last long at all. We will still hold hands while winding down for the night.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

I love my husband in a hopeless way...there is simply no will involved...my soul is in love with his (sounds like schmaltz lol...but accurate). I have never loved anybody like I love this man. 

We've been together four years and married for two. 

I was in love with him practically from the start. I was more in love with him on our wedding day. I am still more in love with him now. 

It's not always easy. We have had our rough patches...oh boy...lol But we have not had any too serious or where we had to work too hard to overcome them. (Everything in my last marriage was a drudgery)

I don't know what the future holds. I don't take him for granted in my life. But I am prayerfully glad that he's here today. And we both do work hard on our marriage. I am optimistic that he's to be by my side through this life


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

We have been together three years, married for almost two. 

It's our second marriage for both of us and I have to say I never thought I would find anyone like him. It feels like we have known each other our whole lives. 
He is there for me in so many ways. 
We have had some major issues mostly due to our past marriages coming back to haunt us but thank god we went to MC and got over it! 
We fell in love very quickly and I love him more now than I did back then.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> .
> 
> Near every memory, he was beside me holding my hand.....*.Been together 31 yrs ... married 23... 6 children later... we'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.*


My goodness,
Thirty ONE years and SIX children later.
That's more than a " life sentence " SA.
And you would still say yes again in a heartbeat....

Whenever I hear of marriages like that, it seriously gives me hope.
Marriage involves a lot of hard work,
But it_ is_ fun.


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## sexy (Jul 29, 2012)

I have to say no too. I feel like a caretaker of home and property rather than a priority or desire. I rank somewhere below the kids, below his friends, and above the dogs. Oh well, I guess married people tend to grow apart as the kids grow up and the partners age. We've been married 23 years.
Now I just feel tired of asking him to clean up after himself, or if he needs anything from the store. He is also somewhat overweight, and that seems to affect his drive and his mental age versus his physical age. Mentally he seems like he is 15. Physically he is 50. Sucks.


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## belleoftheball (May 16, 2013)

I love him very much and I know what the difference is. This is my second marriage. My first husband I never loved, I was only infatuated with him. I never knew what love was until I met my hubs. We have been together 5 years and married 3 going on 4.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I copied this from a thread in the men's forum. Thought it would be interesting to see what the answer are here.
> 
> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with him your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?
> 
> If no, were you ever? If so, do you believe it's possible to get that feeling back for him. Do you even want to?


Yes, I'm in love with him. Together for 18 years.

Stayed in love the entire relationship...however that doesn't mean I haven't questioned the relationship. Even at our rockiest, when we had those hard conversations about where we were at and whether to separate or not (we didn't), I still felt in love with him.

If I was to do anything differently, it'd be to have greater understanding that things don't have to be all or nothing, there's room for getting on the same page together. He showed me that. Also I couldn't see the sh*t I needed to own at the time. But going through all that has lead us to where we're at now. And where we're at now is great...the relationship has endured ebbs and flows. I think we both learned a lot about ourselves, as well as each other and that's only helped us. I love him, I'm in love with him, and I'm grateful we still have each other. I'm also grateful for the lessons and growth experienced. And no doubt, there'll be much more to come...


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Yes! 7 years, 5 married. I am in love on a molecular level. It could only be him....


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## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

NO

As CM said "Marriage involves a lot of hard work"

Well I just wish my husband would have put some effort in. It's no FUN when it's all one sided.

I have talked to him until I'm blue in the face and he makes an effort for a few days then its back to usual. I'm hear just for my kids at the moment.

I'm so envious of marriages that involve giving from both sides, not just one. We have been together for nearly 18 years and there has been hardly any affection from him the whole time.

So definitely it a NO from me, no hope of fixing it either, I've tried many times.


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## AniaR (Feb 9, 2013)

I still get butterflies in my stomach when I look at him. We've been married 26 years, raised 4 children and lead fairly unconventional lives. We both have intensive jobs involving a lot of travelling. It makes being together so much better.

Marriage requires effort from both. It also requires strong communication and individual boundaries to make the "partnership" work. I had not seen my husband for 2 weeks until the past weekend - he flew me over to his work location so we could spend Friday to Sunday together. It was wonderful. 

He's coming home in 2 days and I can't wait to see him.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Yes I am! 

Known each other 14 years, together for 10, married for 8. I'm all in with hubby and enjoying the ride. He rocks my world!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Trenton said:


> Absolutely in love with him. Even when I doubted staying with him, I was in love with him. The best days, years, months of my life have all been with him.
> 
> I had a heart scare back in fall of this year and my heart rate wouldn't go down below 120 for a few hours which landed me in the hospital. My husband left work and met me at the hospital room where they were monitoring my heart rate and when he took my hand, my heart rate went from 128 to 76 in minutes without meds. Apparently, it was stress/anxiety related and my husband was the cure. Haven't had that issue since (phew).
> 
> Married 17 years in August, together for 19 years. Have three amazing kids. I know I'm living the life I imagined and so happy it is with him.


This is my new favorite post by you,Trenton


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I copied this from a thread in the men's forum. Thought it would be interesting to see what the answer are here.
> 
> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with him your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?
> 
> *If no, were you ever? If so, do you believe it's possible to get that feeling back for him. Do you even want to?*


Yes I was. Gave up everything for him. Left my life behind and moved thousands of miles for him, only to be lied to and cheated on.

It would be possible if I allowed myself to.

Nope. No trust - no love. And after 10 years of betrayal, trust is non-existent.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

I'm surprised that on a marriage help board, this poll has 77% voting yes. I wonder if that's because people are more likely to vote if the answer is yes, or everyone is just that happy. I hope it's option 2, though that makes me feel depressed.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You can have problems and still be in love. Trust me.


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## it is what it is (Jun 13, 2012)

Married 20 years in June and the answer is NO. Grew apart, we are disconnected and might as well be on different planets. Haven't had sex in over 3 years, we are living separated in the same house. Apparently I am a walk away wife, I checked out of the marriage years ago. 

Very happy to hear of the stories of long term marriages and still being in love with your spouse!


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> You can have problems and still be in love. Trust me.


I know. It's just lonely to be having problems and not be in love any more.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Trenton said:


> Absolutely in love with him. Even when I doubted staying with him, I was in love with him. The best days, years, months of my life have all been with him.
> 
> I had a heart scare back in fall of this year and my heart rate wouldn't go down below 120 for a few hours which landed me in the hospital. My husband left work and met me at the hospital room where they were monitoring my heart rate and when he took my hand, my heart rate went from 128 to 76 in minutes without meds. Apparently, it was stress/anxiety related and my husband was the cure. Haven't had that issue since (phew).
> 
> Married 17 years in August, together for 19 years. Have three amazing kids. I know I'm living the life I imagined and so happy it is with him.


This post reminds me of a dream I had years ago, but still remember really clearly.

In my dream there had been a nuclear war and the deadly radiation was moving south, a la the book and movie "On The Beach". My husband and I were in Argentina for some reason and I knew soon the radiation would cover us. I was frightened and distressed, but then we lay down in each others arms with the whole length of our bodies pressed tightly against each other and I felt totally calm and peaceful. I knew death was coming and I didn't care because we were together. 

He's had a similar dream where he was searching and searching for something very important, but he didn't know what it was. And then he saw me and realised it was me all along.


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

Yes for me too. Married 12 years; together 15 years. We have our issues, but I think we're both still very much in love. I believe him when he says it and I mean it when I say it.


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## mattsmom (Apr 2, 2013)

My husband is my best friend, and I care about him very deeply. That's what makes it so hard to tell him how unhappy I am in our marriage. No, I am no longer in love with my husband. 

I do believe that it's possible to rekindle the flame, and I'm trying very hard. As with our marriage, though, it takes two people to make this happen. Frankly, he is either clueless or he just doesn't care.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Love Big Guy more today than I did the day I married him. Been together for 36 years (high school sweethearts), married for 32 years this month! Honestly if two people could have screwed up more in a relationship more than my hubby and I...I don't know how they could have. I don't think two people could have hurt each other more than the two of us over the years.....but by the grace of God we made it and we love each other dearly. We figured out what we were searching for all those years (20's-30's) was standing right next to us...it was our spouse. Our 40's have been great and am looking forward to the terrific 50's!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

mattsmom said:


> My husband is my best friend, and I care about him very deeply. That's what makes it so hard to tell him how unhappy I am in our marriage. No, I am no longer in love with my husband.
> 
> I do believe that it's possible to rekindle the flame, and I'm trying very hard. As with our marriage, though, it takes two people to make this happen. Frankly, he is either clueless or he just doesn't care.


It is more than possible. I did it. Married 22 years and the last 5 were horrible. This year has has been amazing so far.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Cora28, have you Gottman's 7 principles for making marriage work? He says in the book that kids are a common stressor in marriage and believes that what often happens is the woman experiences a huge personal growth and the man doesn't, and they wind up feeling disconnected and incompatible. I really think that's what happened with me and my H. We were both so immature when we met and married (not especially young, just immature), but when the kids arrived, I grew up. He didn't. In fact, I think he regressed, because now I was adult enough to take care of everything. 

I wish I'd found that book sooner. It has what look like fantastic exercises for keeping or rekindling your love, but doing them at this point, and being honest, would probably push H and I even further apart.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I've known my H for close to 35 years and we've been married for 30. For me it was always a very serious love match & that has never, ever stopped. The truth is, it would have been easier at times if the feelings were different, because either one of us might have walked away when things got really rough. Just a few weeks ago, I sat in the audience as my H gave a public talk in his field & I felt such passionate love for him and his big, huge intellect (  ) that it left me almost breathless. Love and in love, the whole time.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

Yes I am very much in love with my WS, however I don't see much chance for us to work it out.


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## MrsHB (Jun 29, 2012)

Yes, I am very much in love with my husbands. We have been married 15 years and together for 22. As some if you know it hasn't been the easiest but so worth it!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

How many husbands are there?


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

My H is in denial too. I told him in marriage counseling that I feel like he's just waiting for me to drop this whole "we're in trouble" thing, and he said he was! So it's either denial, or he really truly doesn't care that I don't love him. If it wasn't for the kids, I'd be gone. 

I read here that it takes 3 months of "good" behavior to make up for every bad year in a marriage. I've decided to to give us 18 months before I even think about divorce. 18 months, fully committed to getting through this. 3 months for every year, plus 3 months extra because I like the sound of 18 months better than 15 months.


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## Youngwifeylovesherhubby (May 8, 2013)

We're going through a very rough time. Married a year July 12. Been together officially for not quite 2.

I love my husband. I will always love him, but I'm concerned he isn't mature enough to be my husband. 

I work 2 jobs to try to make it. He has been unemployed since November. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm the only one trying. 

There are days I'm completely in love with him and we're connected on a higher level then there are days that I just can't take it anymore. Ironically it coincides with him making an effort in our relationship.


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## Youngwifeylovesherhubby (May 8, 2013)

*Re: Re: Women, are you still "in" love with your husband?*



Cora28 said:


> :iagree: It´s been about 5 years since I felt in love with mine too. Ironically coincided with when the kids arrived...


I swear I didn't read your post before I replied! I like your style!


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Marriage is very hard if the man 1. lies 2. cheats 3. doesn't compliment his wife 4. doesn't prioritize time with her 5. doesn't listen when she speaks 6. expects her to tolerate the same bad behavior over and over.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

some days... Yes I'm still "in" love with him. Other times... gosh, I wonder why I try.


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## Browneyedgurl020610 (Apr 18, 2012)

Very much in love with my hubby  We've been together almost 7 years and been married for 3 1/2 years. Many more happy years to come and hopefully a little one soon


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## nishi_25 (Jun 30, 2013)

Very much so, and he is still in love with me 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nishi_25 (Jun 30, 2013)

Boogiemaster said:


> The men's post's are copyright, bloody women


Lol funny
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nishi_25 (Jun 30, 2013)

I hope everything works out for you cora28 and northern lights .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fooledtwice (Jul 6, 2013)

I am very much so but I know he is most likely cheating. I will need to make a decision that will hurt me and my son very very much. He is just to dumb to appreciate it. I will not try with someone new again. I just keep picking the cheaters. Boy this one fooled me. gave me the religious and his best friend hated him for a while for cheating on his wife. The I have never cheated. blah blah blah. All lies now. I just need to figure out how to fall out of love with someone that I thought he was.


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## HangingVine (Jul 1, 2013)

In and out of love for 31 years.Unfortunately I have not been 'in love" with my husband consistently every day with a twinkle in my eye every day for that much time.I loved him always .I just wasn't 'in love" with him all the time because I didn't even like him sometimes.

"In love" and "love but not in love" needs to be defined though.For me in love is a feeling similar to infatuation .Not that it is merely infatuation but that feeling.Love is you still care a lot but do not have that feeling of infatuation.

That feeling for me ,the in love feeling has come and gone,come and gone .Enough times that I'm content that if its gone It will come back.And it always does.

I fantasize about a life without him when I'm not in love.In love, I can not imagine a life without him.

In the end love perseveres when TWO people have true love for each other.And they can go without "in love" too.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

indiecat said:


> Marriage is very hard if the man 1. lies 2. cheats 3. doesn't compliment his wife 4. doesn't prioritize time with her 5. doesn't listen when she speaks 6. expects her to tolerate the same bad behavior over and over.


A marriage is hard when a woman is this thoughtless as well. It's not just men who can be ass hats.


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