# feeling disconnected



## geo4prez (Sep 3, 2011)

Okay, here's the deal.
Been married for about 7 years now, 2 young kids. Ever since we had the kids things are not the same, we have been growing apart and becoming mom and dad more so than a couple. Every time I tried to suggest to do something just the two of us it was rejected, my wife is too worried about leaving the kids with anyone else. Intimacy is non-existent, very hard to even approach the topic. To top it all off, my wife visits her parents for an extensive period of time each year ( more than 1 month) and takes the kids along. This past year has been particularly difficult as I feel a lot more affected by this. I feel a great disconnect from my family and it bothers me, as it shouldn't be that way. Has anyone experienced the same thing?


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Yes.

As much as you may not see it now, chances are you are not doing some things that she is desperate to see out of her partner. Find out what those things are. Become an expert at them. That does not mean cater to her every desire, but try to get good at seeing the world through her eyes - she may see a dish in the sink and feel the need to clean it, so if that's her game, become good at seeing the dishes in the sink and doing them yourself before she asks/sees them/etc.

Anyway, if you can demonstrate that you are seeing the world through her eyes and acting appropriately, she has to face some difficult choices now. It was easy for her to ignore your needs before, but now she can't easily do that because you are meeting hers.

And if you meet hers for a while and she chooses still not to make your needs a priority, then you have given things a fair shot and you can walk away from the marriage knowing you did your best. She will sense this. I know my wife does. It was almost like a light went off in her head - "Uh oh, I've really been slacking!". We are by no means fixed but I have seen some improvement and more importantly, I'm going to be a better person and potential partner for someone once it's all done... I know this.

Everyone here is patient and helpful and can probably explain better than I. I am still going down your path and learning myself.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Geo,

You sound like a really nice guy.

I'm pretty certain that's the origin of your problems.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Read the links herein.

If you have questions, we're here to answer them.


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