# Can't stop crying



## momma2four (Aug 9, 2012)

First court date was yesterday. My H asked for an extension so he could get a lawyer. 

I put the divorce on hold in October thinking we could try one last time to make this marriage work. I gave him a list of conditions that had to be met to prove to me that he was willing to really work on saving this marriage. The list included IC for him, open access to finances/accounts, and honesty. He said he would do everything, but he hasn't. No IC, I asked for moneygram account info. and he said "NO", and I just have a gut feeling he is not being honest about "everything". I just can't go on anymore with this man, so I am proceeding with the divorce, but my *heart is breaking*.

I have 10 years invested in this relationship and 4 chidlren with him. My heart still loves him, but my head says he is no good. I look at our house and think how am I going to survive without him here. How am I going to take care of these children by myself. I don't want any of this!! Some nights I go to bed wishing I never wake up so I don't have to feel the pain and sorrow. 

He was telling our children about the apartment he looked at yesterday. I know he doesn't want to move away from the children. I know he is going to miss them everyday. I am sure he has probably cried about this privately. I just wish none of this had to happen. 

I don't know how to be strong in this situation. I don't know how to stop crying. I don't know how I am going to live or stay in this house without him. My whole world is crumbling down and I don't know how to stop it.


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## zappy88200 (Dec 6, 2012)

momma2four said:


> Some nights I go to bed wishing I never wake up so I don't have to feel the pain and sorrow.
> 
> I don't know how to be strong in this situation. I don't know how to stop crying. I don't know how I am going to live or stay in this house without him. My whole world is crumbling down and I don't know how to stop it.


Please don't Divorce him if you love him.

Divorce is worse than 100 deaths.

Zappy


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I'm sorry for this all happening to you guys. I am posting this so it will come back to the "new posts" area and maybe you will get some help. There are good folks here that can help. Hang on for a little bit.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Divorce is a tough road to follow. Full of bumps, curves, sinkholes. You get the picture. It is one of the toughest things to go through and not just for you and your husband, but it will affect your children as well.

But if your Husband isn't willing to go to counseling and work things out and you are unhappy you are left with little choice. Maybe you should just propose a separation for a few months. This could be a trial run and could shake up the relationship. For one thing it will allow you to face what you fear the most. Taking care of yourself and the children without him. As a bonus it may wake your man up to what he is losing.

One word of advice though. If you want him to prove he will change just ask him to go to counseling, or let you see his finances etc. Framing it as him having to 'prove' something or be divorced will just build resentment in him. Whether he does it or not he will hold this bitterness in his heart towards you forever. No one likes ultimatums.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Nothing like doing everything on your own. I get to look at his side of the closet that is empty, and look in the bathroom where all his stuff use to be. I am stuck with all the memories in this house.... It is hard to go to sleep and stay asleep thorughout the night.


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## DDGresham1 (Dec 15, 2012)

First of all, I am sorry this is happening to you. Keep your chin up and remember your children. It sounds like you have two choices; 1) Stay with him and let him have his fun (trying to find out on your own exactly what it is e.g, if he is having sex with men that is a much bigger issue in my opinion and it DOES happen) 2) Divorce. If it were me in your same situation (4 kids you still care about him), I would let his behavior go and then see what he's up to. If he's just having a little fun on the side, it's wrong, it hurts but it may eventually pass and either way it's good for the kids if you stay together. Having said that, that's just me. Only you know what you can tolerate.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

lee101981 said:


> Nothing like doing everything on your own. I get to look at his side of the closet that is empty, and look in the bathroom where all his stuff use to be. I am stuck with all the memories in this house.... It is hard to go to sleep and stay asleep thorughout the night.


I can only imagine Lee. For me its different. Being in a strange new house and missing my home of 13 years on top of missing my wife. I guess on the flip side being there without her would be tough. Though I doubt it bothers my wife. She's happily moved on with the OM. I guess that is the benefit of being the person who does the dumping and not the poor schmuck who trusted their spouse and was blindsided.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

It sucks! I have to look at these places every day where his things belong. I have to listen to my girls say things about us getting back together. I have to hide in the shower if I get said so I can cry alone instead of upsetting them. It is hard to be here without him


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## zappy88200 (Dec 6, 2012)

Always love your quote Nowhere


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

It sounds as if you have made your decision. It is not an easy one. Hope you have family and friends who can be there for you. If not, then look for local support groups of other people who have gone through divorce who can relate to how you are feeling. There will be a thousand times you will wonder if you are taking the right steps. No one can tell you to go ahead with this or to not go ahead with divorce. That is your decision. You need others around you to support you emotionally. It also can help to focus on concrete things that must be handled and that will focus you at least for small periods of time on very goal oriented tasks that need to be done. Things like tending to everyday needs of the kids, money matters, the laundry, just the minutia of life. If those things feel overwhelming too - and they can - parse them down into small tasks. Today I'll sort the laundry. Tomorrow I'll wash it.
Divorce includes many of the same stages we experience when grieving for the loss of a loved one. Give yourself time to grieve. Let the tears flow. But then focus on other things, on doable tasks. In the end time becomes the ultimate healer.


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## DeltaBlues (Oct 15, 2012)

I heard a radio psychologist say something that I have, on occasion, found helpful. It was this: We must be careful not to feel good about feeling bad. In other words, we must not wallow in our self-pities, etc. Unfortunately, it seems to be the default tendency. Takes a force of will to focus on the positives. Even on the darkest days; however, we can find those, if we try.


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## momma2four (Aug 9, 2012)

Thank you for all the kind words and support. It's just a really bad day (first of many I'm sure). When I look at the big picture, life with a H that has had multiple affairs the past 4 years and more recently trying to get with a prostitute, this is not the life I want to live. I know I am doing the right thing for myself and my children. 

I am morning the loss of the man I thought he was. I wish this was all a big nightmare...that none of this happened. I wish he would get help for his problems. I wish he wanted to do everything to keep his family together. Instead I got someone that says he wants to change these things, but his actions show otherwise. 

I have a big support network with family and a few friends. My parents live 10 minutes away and are always here for me. I know this is going to be a difficult process, that many of you here on TAM have been through or are going through. I am just one of many.


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

If you still love him don't divorce him, I wish my wife still had the feelings for me you have for your husband.

If there is ANY thought that you can work on your marriage, that's all the hope you need.
Sit down and talk to him, don't push things on him, just a casual talk with him about everything.
Get his side, state your side and opinions and work it out from there.
Never just give up. It's always easier walk away or give up on something rather than fix it.


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