# Broken Promises about sex in our relationship



## HopelesslyHopeless (Oct 1, 2012)

My wife & I have been together for a couple of years and recently married this past spring. Sex in the beginning was great. I told her of my fantasy of having her go braless in public and occasionally doing something sexual on the internet in front of a consenting adult. We did this a few times in the beginning of our relationship and she soon soured from it and has been most unwilling to participate. We go thru times when I'll ask her to do it, she'll say no but once in a while she will say yes, build my hopes up only to change her mind. She doesn't seem to understand how it hurts when she does that. She will say "why can't we just have "regular" sex?" But the problem is we are a blended marriage with 2 young kids that live with us full time.  Both are from her previous marriage. They go to bed by 7:30 or 8:00 most nights. My wife also goes to bed at that time. She NEVER stays up with me. She says come up stairs and cuddle. When I get there, she has her smart phone, her laptop & her kindle AND the tv is on as well. She will also spend about 20 minutes in the bathroom doing her nightly routine which includes rubbing cream all over her face that smells horrible. Despite this I'll try to initiate affection, and she will either shoo me away or fart! I end up staying downstairs watching tv. I feel like she has no passion for me anymore and I'm wondering why she even stays with me. She has a couple of male friends she texts back and forth with in and out of work that she is very secretive about. She is usually very dilegnent about erasing all comunications with them but I recently saw a phone bill with multiple calls to the same guy along with text messages. When I confront her with my concerns, she gets very defensive and tells me that I'm a jealous fool and to stop. She says they are just friends and its always about work. Can someone please give me some insight as to what I'm dealing with here? Thanks!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

DING! DING! DING!

Warning Will Robinson Warning!

Your wife is displaying some Red Flags here! They are:

-She has a couple of male friends she texts back and forth with in and out of work that she is very secretive about

-She is usually very dilegnent about erasing all comunications with them 

-she gets very defensive and tells me that I'm a jealous fool 

-She says they are just friends 

-Decreased sex

I'm wondering why she even stays with me. - She stays because you're taking care of her and her kids!

The signs above are signs of an affair. She may very well be involved in an emotional affair or two right now. The only way you'll find out for sure is to monitor her activities quietly.

Put a key logger on her PC, put a VAR under the front seat of her car and continue to monitore the cell phone bill

Also, do some reading in the Coping With Infidelity section for a crash course in cheating spouses


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

:iagree:


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Toffer said:


> DING! DING! DING!
> 
> Warning Will Robinson Warning!
> 
> ...


When the explaination of all the warning signs is longer than the original post, there is a HUGE problem.

I'd insist on seeing all the text messages, and point out the reason you want to see them is due to a decreased sex life, no desires towards you, and all the other red flags which Toffer pointed out. Snooping one thing, but when there is a valid concern behind it, you have a right to protect your own interest as well, and you understandably have your guard up.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

HopelesslyHopeless said:


> My wife & I have been together for a couple of years and recently married this past spring. Sex in the beginning was great. I told her of my fantasy of having her go braless in public and occasionally doing something sexual on the internet in front of a consenting adult. We did this a few times in the beginning of our relationship and she soon soured from it and has been most unwilling to participate. We go thru times when I'll ask her to do it, she'll say no but once in a while she will say yes, build my hopes up only to change her mind. She doesn't seem to understand how it hurts when she does that.


DING DING DING. You freaked her out with this request. It hurts you that she won't have televised sex? Get over it and quit harassing her.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> DING DING DING. You freaked her out with this request. It hurts you that she won't have televised sex? Get over it and quit harassing her.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

I dont know how about the televised sex part, live your lives. Anyway, as for what you mentioned with the problems..... RED FLAGS! ALL RED FLAGS!! You have to same something and bring everything to the surface. There is no reason she should be secretive about these guys. Hell if anything, just my golden rule, she shouldnt have that kind of contact with someone of the opposite sex thats not a relative UNLESS they have physically met you. Think about it, I guy may still try to pursue but its less likely to happen if he knows. Plus if she is deleting the communication it sounds like she has something to hide from you incase you look or shes making bad references about you. You have to check her and fast. You dont want the EA to turn into a PA because thats what it will ultimately always* lead to. Little text message here, few comments there, before you know it shes send pics of her naked body that she wont let you have to someone shes now emotionally attached to. Im telling you, it's hard to be emotionally attached to two people so you my friend are getting the s*** end of that stick. You add more people and you become completely invisible or a roommate. 

Id go with what someone else about getting VAR and a keylogger. Youd be surprise what you stuff you find in emails.... It's harder to get a conversation out of someone especially if you have kids. Keylogger would be your best bet. And I hate the fact when you mentioned about her having all that stuff running at one time (phone, laptop, kindle, tv). Its like wtf! Spend some quality time. I flipped out on my wife one day, Ive learned you have to punish bad behavior. We were watching a movie and through out the movie she kept checking her phone. Then I asked why do you keep checking it? Watch the damn movie! She mentioned she was looking up the actors which translated to me bs or fb, I hate fb by the way too. Than thing ruins relationships one status message at a time. Bout halfway through the movie she kept doing it and I got up, walked away to the bedroom. She comes in asking me was I still going to watch the movie, Im like nope. You cant stay off the phone so I am going to do my own thing too. She was pissed but now I get to watch a movie with her peacefully now. Best advice I can give is treat her like a child. I dont mean that literally but think about it. Reward good behavior (dont reward sex because you will definitely get less but acknowledge if you liked it and/or how good it was), punish bad havior (her being on the phone or laptop when you try to spend quality time with her, scould her! Let her know its not ok and how it frustrates you). See I am crazy. If you really want to get a hold on whats going when she texts those guys, lean next to her and just look at the phone. If she pulls away, snatch and run somewhere you can isolate yourself or a room with a lock (bathroom is perfect).


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