# Anniversary



## maplesky (May 14, 2010)

We've now been separated for 2 months. We continue to be separated by 1400 miles. We email once a week. He has moved on and is happy in his new life. I remain in our old apartment and pretty much live the same old life except I'm doing a lot of work on being a better person. We both continue to wear our rings, as we said we would until we divorce. There are 4 months remaining in the 6-month time-frame we gave ourselves to figure out if we wanted to remain married.

Today is our anniversary. We have now been married for 4 years and I am choosing to share this here, as I will not disrespect his wishes for me to not contact him until his next email. But I felt like someone should know. I needed to share it. I feel like it still matters. It is still very special to me! But the words "Happy Anniversary" have certainly taken on new meaning today. It is not a happy day for me. The memories of the first three years are very happy ones though. If only I could travel back in time to those three other times I said it, and whisper something in each of our ears: _marriage is trust and it is work, and don't forget it_. 

But there is no turning back time. And there are regrets. I haven't yet forgiven myself, but I'm working on it. And I'm trying to remain optimistic. In the meantime, today, I'm choosing to remember the good times. I can't reach out to him today, but there are so many things I wish I could say.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Happy Anniversary. Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch, but I think its awesome that you are reflecting back on the good times today. Do you think it would do you any good to write a letter to him with all you want to say and then you can just toss it when you are done? Or whatever you deem necessary?? Might be good to get things out, let you breathe.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

If it makes you feel better, my husband asked for divorce two days before our 5th wedding anniversary. We also have a 19 month old son. At least you can remember fondly of the previous 3 years. For me even the good memories are painful right now.


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## maplesky (May 14, 2010)

DawnD said:


> Happy Anniversary. Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch, but I think its awesome that you are reflecting back on the good times today. Do you think it would do you any good to write a letter to him with all you want to say and then you can just toss it when you are done? Or whatever you deem necessary?? Might be good to get things out, let you breathe.


Thank you for the anniversary wishes. And your idea to write a letter with everything is a very good one, and I think I will spend the rest of the evening writing it. Thank you for this idea.


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## maplesky (May 14, 2010)

notreadytoquit said:


> If it makes you feel better, my husband asked for divorce two days before our 5th wedding anniversary. We also have a 19 month old son. At least you can remember fondly of the previous 3 years. For me even the good memories are painful right now.


I'm sorry to hear about the timing of things, and that you are unable to remember the good times. Time does heal all. Things will get better.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I’m into my 8th month of separation. Over the years I’ve scanned some 3,000 photos. I’m just making a video of them along with the music of the times. The video’s turning out to be two hours long and brings to mind fabulous memories. It’s the most cathartic thing I’ve ever done for myself. Later I’ll share it with my wife and sons.

I’ve also written a document about all the good things that happened while we were together and another with all the bad. I felt a powerful need to do this so I can let go and move on with my life.

I would wish you happy anniversary but I’ve been there. Know what it’s like.

Bob


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## cmf (May 21, 2010)

My 11th anniversary was in May and it was a very hard day for me. There was little acknowledgement of the day from my husband. I have also been seperated for 8 months and we have 2 children. My Husband started saying he wanted to reconcile last month and it has been a slow process, with lots of ups and downs. I thought many times over the past 8 months that we were completely done, and we still may be. Time will tell.


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## Neverwouldhave guessed (May 5, 2010)

I know the anniversaries are painful. I think they are even if you are together, but not enjoying your marriage. 21 years next month. Separated 10 months. All of a sudden he wants to come home - like YESTERDAY?!?!? I'm dragging my feet somewhat, as I want to be sure he wants to come home to ME. My 16 y/o son said the other day how ironic it was that at first I asked him several times to move back, and now the shoe is on the other foot. I don't think you ever know for certain (just like when you first marry), but I need to believe a reconciliation has a better chance of working out than not. 

I hope you did something for yourself yesterday...


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Maple, 

I wish you peace and strength


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