# Don't trust my fiancé... so miserable... what do I do?



## spara0038 (Feb 25, 2013)

During a period of brief unemployment (2 months), I noticed my fiancé seemed to act a little different- unmotivated, distant, and defensive. I thought maybe it was just that he was down because of losing his job since he is a very proudly independent person. I agreed to stay out of his job search to not make him feel like I was babysitting him, but after 2 months, it didn't seem like he had applied anywhere. So, out of curiosity, I checked his browsing history. 

I was floored. There was page upon page of porn and web searches for nude female celebrities! I felt like my world had ended, especially since I consider it the same as cheating on me (and he knows that). :'( 

When I confronted him about it, he said (exact quote) "Dude, what the f***? You checked my phone?!" No apology, nothing. He then went on a rant about how I violated HIS trust by looking at his web history. I didn't know what to say. A while later, he apologized and we worked on it and we were ok. 

Then, a few weeks later, I checked his phone again and found MORE topless celebrity pictures! I confronted him again, and he had the same outburst. I made it clear to him that I considered it cheating and if I saw that again, I couldn't be with him. 

Fast forward a few months and I checked for a third time. That same DAY he had read an article titled "Maggie Gylenhaal goes braless in a sheer dress." I saw red. Seriously?!?!?!?! 

We got in a huge fight and he said I took the article out of context. We fought some more and eventually came to an agreement that I would leave his web history alone if he SWORE to me that he wouldn't look at images like that again. 

Now, just a week later, I had a terrible dream of me waking up next to him with another woman in our bed right next to me. Obviously it was only a dream, but it made me really anxious about it and I couldn't help but try to look at his phone. It turns out he has locked his phone and changed the passwords to everything, including the cell phone account that we share.

I'm going nuts right now. I WANT to trust my fiancé, but the fact that he keeps on violating my trust and then expects me to extend MORE trust by not checking up is really making it hard to focus on anything. In one of our arguments, I asked him if he saw how it was wrong and he said no, but that if I didn't want him to look, he wouldn't. 

I just don't know what to do... This is distracting me from work, making me not want to eat so I look like one of those girls, making me constantly self conscious just because I don't feel pretty enough for him... I'm just so miserable right now, please help....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Please seriously reconsider marrying him. He is already lying to you, so you obviously can't trust him. There shouldn't be privacy or secrets in a marriage, him locking his cell phone is a red flag. Why would he hide it if he didn't have something to hide?

You say you are going nuts now. Why would you want to subject yourself to years of insecurity and doubt? If you marry him, that's most likely your future. As Dr. Phil says...the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.

Please take some time to read through thses threads and educate yourself, especially threads in CWI. You will learn a lot about relationships, you will learn about red flags, gaslighting, and blame shifting. Blame shifting...I wonder if your boyfriend told you these problems are your fault since you had to go and snoop.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long has he been unemployed?

Do you think that he is really making the job search his priority? 

Are you supporting him financially now?

The two of you have different boundaries. You have clearly stated yours. He has stated by action that he does not care about your boundary on this and he will continue to do it.

Stop trying to “fix” him and turn him into who you want him to be. What you see is what you get. You have a guy who promises you one thing and lies to keep you in the dark. And then he continues to do whatever he wants. It does not matter what he’s lying and hiding. He’s lying and hiding things. 

So now the ball is in your court. You need to decide if you are willing to continue a relationship with a guy who lies to you and manipulates you this way.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Why would you treat your man like a child and forbid him to look at nude pics? Why do you equate that with cheating? What if you man looks at a woman in a bikini, is that cheating? What if it's a thong bikini, is that also cheating?

Men WILL look and you can't ever stop that. That you made this huge post about your man looking at nude pics...I can't believe he even wants to be with you. You want to cut his balls off and control him. You can't, he's a man and he will look.

You are a woman, do you turn your head away when ..(name of fav sexy celebe here) ... Comes on screen? Probably not. Oh but he is clothed, you think. It doesn't make any difference for women. A sexy celeb staring at the camera with a look of animalistic desire directed just for you... Same feeling men get when they look at nude pics. It doesn't mean a damn thing.

I think you should apologize to your fiancé and rethink your edict about not looking at porn. If he is responsive to you in all other ways, looking at porn is harmless.

ETA: he lying and hiding because you are taking a normal interest for a man and demonizing it. He is hiding his normal desire to look at nude women because you make him feel like he is cheating.

Take a look at some of the threads here, men look. They never stop looking and it's very normal.

You made him feel like a Perv for being normal then you checked up behind him and YOU violated HIS privacy.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

I think that Spara is more unhappy that he is wasting time looking at celebtrity nudes instead of finding a damned job.

You checked his stuff, he immediately blame shifted to how dare you look at this or that or this or that...................hmmm If you have nothing to hide you hide nothing. He is obviously hiding something...whether it be simple masturbation to his fav nude celebrities or the fact that he doesn't want to find a job....or whatever. One can get easily distracted when they feel depressed or sad to procrastination of doing everything BUT what they are supposed to be doing.

If you have reservations about him now - you REALLY really need to look at how this current curve in the road (slope/turn/drop on the roller coaster) is being handled. Look at how maturely he is handling the financial situation. Good example of how HE resolves problems, his priorities. If they are incongruent with your own, then don't make excuses for the other things simply because you want to be married or need to be married or think you are head over heels in love with him.
Luckily for you, you have the option to study all these things and decide if you would be happy living this way. Would you be happy how he problem resolves? Would you be happy being broke and the sole breadwinner with a couple of kids to support on your own.
Not saying any or all of these things would happen...but who knows.
You are his mate - how have things been handled in the past? 

Seriously look at these things BEFORE you decide to marry the bloke.

goos luck to ya/

(People show you who they are you have to look and listen and believe it)

P.S. I agree with Elegirl and have said this often - 
you can't fix or change anyone. You can't set yourself up to the POTENTIAL of him being what you want. What you see is what you get. Can't "fix" him, he has to want to do it, know what it is he needs to "fix" and do it himself.


AND you're in charge of your own happiness. Why compare yourself to an air-brushed and heavily photo-shopped photo of a professionally dressed and make-upped celebrity.

Go look at some of the without makeup pictures out there on the interwebs. 

If you are indeed more concerned that he is looking at nude photos and THAT is the issue
Then yep I would say - get over it. Appreciating the nude human body is really no big deal. Fantasy is just that Fantasy. He will never get a chance in hell to bed Angelina Jolie (well unless he were in a movie with her lol) or Jessica Biel or whomever it is he finds attractive.


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## Gruff (Feb 27, 2012)

People will excuse this behaviour, saying it's harmless, natural, and anyway, they NEED to do it.
So, the female equivalent would be to take a keen interest in large dildos and phallic sculptures. Start building a collection. Spend time on toy websites weighing up purchases. Dedicate half an hour a day to polishing and appreciating your growing collection. You have a need to appreciate large phalluses and your fiancé shouldn't be so childish as to stop you from fulfilling your need, and as it doesn't affect your relationship, he needs to realise there's no problem with you appreciating a vast collection of large dildos and phallic sculptures.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Why would you treat your man like a child and forbid him to look at nude pics? Why do you equate that with cheating? What if you man looks at a woman in a bikini, is that cheating? What if it's a thong bikini, is that also cheating?
> 
> Men WILL look and you can't ever stop that. That you made this huge post about your man looking at nude pics...I can't believe he even wants to be with you. You want to cut his balls off and control him. You can't, he's a man and he will look.
> 
> ...



I disagree, she is entitled to have whatever boundaries she wants in a relationship. If he knows what her boundaries are and chooses to stay with her how is he being controlled?
Not that looking at porn and should be controlled but neither should people's boundaries or deal breakers.


OP If this a deal breaker he's crossed then I would seriously rethink marrying him, will be easier to now rather than down the road when married with kids.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I agree about boundaries, but in a relationship they need to be negotiated. Maybe they did negotiate and OP neglected to state that he had previously agreed to never ever look at nude pics. Simply stating "you can't look at porn because it makes me feel insecure" is not negotiating, nor is it an agreement.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> I agree about boundaries, but in a relationship they need to be negotiated. Maybe they did negotiate and OP neglected to state that he had previously agreed to never ever look at nude pics. Simply stating "you can't look at porn because it makes me feel insecure" is not negotiating, nor is it an agreement.


You are right, that's not negotiation.

The OP needs to decide if this is a topic she is willing to negotiate on. If it's not then it's a deal breaker.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

There is a thread similar to this in the general discussion section called "am I doing what's best for me?". Why don't you read through that one?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

your not married yet.
and have found a huge difference in what is considered acceptable with the porn.consider yourself lucky to find out before you married and have to support this bum.

run for the hills.

hes not for you and deep down your starting to realise it.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I think you are being unrealistic with your boundaries, for one it's no even porn. While I agree we all draw the line somewhere, I'm afraid you are going to break up with a good man for something you will later regret. The are men out there a big majority, that watch porn on a regular basis. There are men who cheat and are serial cheaters. I'm afraid you will wish you only had boobies in pictures to worry about, once you start dating other men.

Also, you seem controlling he's an adult and you get mad even with an article about a topless celebrity? And your not even married yet. This is oneway to make someone not trust you by over reacting with small things. Do you think he can come to you with bigger issues? I think you have to work on yourself esteem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

I'd be more concerned about the lack of a job and the lack of searching for one....spending all the time looking at naked celebrities instead of updating resume to appeal to the place for which you are applying. 
Job hunting takes effort.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Unique Username said:


> I'd be more concerned about the lack of a job and the lack of searching for one....spending all the time looking at naked celebrities instead of updating resume to appeal to the place for which you are applying.
> Job hunting takes effort.


I don't know if it applies to him but, it is a stressful time and this maybe how copes. Unemployment hurts your self esteem too, he maybe looking for a brain chemical fix.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Job issues aside, what the OP did was a common mistake for women. Men look at women. This can't be stopped and they should never be made to feel perverted for doing what they have no control over. But specific to looking at porn or nude pics, it is an extension of what comes naturally. It is not perverted or unnatural. Yet women consistently make men feel like dirty perverts and so they hide it and feel shame about it. Women need to understand looking at the naked human female body brings pleasure...to both men and women! This is not dirty nor perverted! When we fail to understand, when we make men feel dirty and perverted and drive this underground, we make our own miserable beds.

MissFroggie, if you knew your BF was watching porn, why didn't you talk with him about it rather than continue to pretend you didn't know? You could have simply said that it would be best to watch it together, that his urge to view porn was acceptable so long as it wasn't overdone. By keeping silent, you underscored the shame which made it an even harder cycle to break.

Not another porn thread!!!!!

The best porn can be found in museums anyway!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Dating/engagement is a time to find out if you're compatible. You're not compatible with your fiancé in this area. There's nothing wrong with either of your opinions, but there apparently isn't going to be a compromise, either. My advise is to recognize this and each of you find someone who DOES match your needs/expectations. 

Fwiw, I think your fiancé is more "in the norm" than you are, and you'll have difficulties finding someone who meets your requirements. They are out there, I guess. But your screening process will be long. And you'll end up with many like your current fiancé... Because they don't actually see it as a problem, they would rather just hide it from you as a "white lie" then deal with the sh1tstorm that results of you knowing what they're doing. 

Your other risk... Things are great up front, in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. But if your sex life ebbs later in life (kids, work, complacency), there's a reasonable chance your mate will turn to "external stimulation". But this doesn't happen till after there's kids, mortgages, etc...

Btw, I do wish you well in finding a guy who meets your needs. You deserve that. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

I can be sympathetic with OP. I HATE porn it's demeaning and disgusting in my opinion. Plus watching somebody else banging don't turn me on at all. (I could watch me and my H all day though). Also I think there are so many blanket statement made on TAM about what "everybody" does and what "everybody" likes. People who are the exception are tried to make them feel like something wrong with them. 

OP does not have to accept what she doesn't feel comfortable with.

By the way OP it's not good when the word "fiancee" and "don't trust " to be use together. You could just walk away.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

I agree with you Committed, I hate porn too. 

OP, there are some pretty heated discussions on this site about porn. Overall, most of the people here are pretty liberal when it comes to porn, but there are some of us that aren't.

Having said that, if this is a deal breaker (and it would be for me), that is OK, just be honest with yourself and move on. Contrary to what one of the posters said, I think there are enough guys out there that don't need to look at porn and therefore you should be able to find a mate with the same values as you.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Looking at porn is not the same thing as cheating. I think the OP is way off in that regard. However, it IS an issue that this is what he is doing with his time instead of searching for a job. Plus the fact that he is already engaging in something that he knows his fiancee has problems with spells doom for a potential marriage. They absolutely should not marry if this is how they are together.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Considering her definition of "porn" includes clothed mainstream actresses going braless, I suspect her dating pool is smaller than some of the previous posters describe. Especially if another relationship requirement is "active sex life"...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

If your instincts are telling you he's untrustworthy it really doesn't matter whether he actually is or isn't. What matters is whether "you" will ever be able to trust him. If you don't think you can don't marry him.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I think your major problem isn't that you have a guy who likes to look at naked women. Most men do. Your primary problem is you are intending to marry a guy who apparently feels no obligation to support himself or you. He's out of work. A rational course of action for a mature man in his situation would be to earnestly look for work. He would rather spend his time looking at tatas. In short, you are anticipating marrying a 12 year old masquerading as an adult male. He has a problem with self-discipline and priority setting. On top of all that, he knows this fruitless hootie gazing activity causes his fiance' anxiety and he gives a rat's patootie. To recap, you have an unemployed man-child who has apparently no regard for things that trouble you greatly. Not much security in that situation and I would think security would be very high on the list of traits a young lady would require from a prospective husband.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

PBear said:


> Considering her definition of "porn" includes clothed mainstream actresses going braless, I suspect her dating pool is smaller than some of the previous posters describe. Especially if another relationship requirement is "active sex life"...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Plus making him swear he won't watch it is unrealistic. He has to really not want to watch it on his own. Like I said, you can draw the line and end things if this is a deal breaker for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gloriagloria (Aug 14, 2013)

Debating our personal views on porn is interesting, but I don't think it's the point. The OP's fiance's employment status is also not the point. I wanted to say a [email protected]$$ comment about Maggie Gylenhaal to try and make the OP feel better, but that's not point either, plus I guess we're not middle-schoolers. 

The point is basically about trusT.

Question for the OP: It's unclear to me exactly what happened after the first incident -- You say you both "worked on it and were OK".
Does that mean he agreed that he'd stop looking at porn? Did you agree to stop checking his phone? Did he say he'd prove it by showing you his phone?

Whether or not he violated your trust depends on what was said, what was agreed on. 

If either of you agreed to something, and didn't hold to that agreement...that's a violation of trust. 

IMO, having a really open discussion is the starting point. Be accurate about everything you feel. Inform, and don't manipulate.

It sounds like you both know how the other feels about your actions (you hate the porn, it makes you feel insecure. he hates the invasion of privacy. No idea how it makes him feel, but I say that b/c he locked down his phone.), but it's unclear if you really came to any understanding/agreements.

The debates about porn might be relevant at *that*point: You really understanding the 'why' and he really understanding how it makes you feel...There may be some kind of middle ground/solutions that would be satisfying to each of you.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Trust is crucial in a relationship. He locked his phone because he lied to you and is continuing to look at pics and doesn't want you to know. So now you know that you can't trust what he says. To me, this is a no-go as far as getting married is concerned.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

There's a lot of boundary issues here.

Trust is absolutely critical in a relationship and he certainly should respect your sensibilities when it comes to nudity. 

At the same time though, if he's only a fiancee and not a spouse, then you really don't have any real joint status legally, morally, ethically, religiously or any other way I can think of at this point and really shouldn't be going through his phone (Or anything else) without prior permission right now.

That is a boundary too. It may not seem like an important boundary to you, but it is very important to some people.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

This is relationship red flag to me:

" I agreed to stay out of his job search to not make him feel like I was babysitting him, but after 2 months, it didn't seem like he had applied anywhere. So, out of curiosity, I checked his browsing history."

You are either mothering him or he's very irresponsible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

He is giving you passive aggressive signs that he does not want to get married and commit. Thank him for doing this and find someone you are thrilled to marry and who shares the same goals for life as you and save yourself.

He can then look at porn all he wants and feel no pressure to change.

Most people I know who are divorced, myself included, had serious doubts going into the marriage. You are entereing a trap many have fallen in here it is . . .

I am thinking too negatively! Porn is fine, men like porn, I should not judge men. I will be more open minded and THAT will solve the problems.

He has no job, I should not love a man for his money, I should stand by him through rich and poor. Money doesn't matter love does, I will not worry about his job blah blah blah

STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!

Mortgages, cancer, other women, children, cancer, more children are all tough life struggles that require a partner willing to give what you give and value what you value.

If I were you, I would stand up for myself and say GOOD BYE. I do not judge you, you make your own choices but I must judge what is best for me and a porn obsessed deadbeat trying to turn the tables on me by accusing ME of wrongdoing has no place in a healthy happy life. I deserve better, you find someone who is your match. Adios!

Read what you wrote about him, it is not an ode of love and respect, don't you want to marry someone you can write better things about?

It only gets worse.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

mablenc said:


> Also, you seem controlling he's an adult and you get mad even with an article about a topless celebrity? And your not even married yet. This is oneway to make someone not trust you by over reacting with small things. Do you think he can come to you with bigger issues? I think you have to work on yourself esteem.


:iagree: completely.

This was my first impression when I read her first post and realized that he was looking at " topless celebs."


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

Unique Username said:


> You checked his stuff, he immediately blame shifted to how dare you look at this or that or this or that...................hmmm If you have nothing to hide you hide nothing.


The OP did tell him she was going to let him find a job without her _"I agreed to stay out of his job search to not make him feel like I was babysitting him," _ but after 2 months she goes snooping which was violating her agreement. At that point she had lost his trust. 

If all he is looking at is what you have describe he sounds perfectly normal. You had no business looking at his history and you seem to have control issues. Thus is response when you confronted him over topless lady pictures?

If I were him I would be thinking twice about getting married to a helicopter wife. Men look at other women, so do women look at other men. It is normal, it is what happens after looking, most times nothing. My DW use to even point out guys to me she thought were hunks. 

The problem is you have is a control issue with major insecurities. Maybe getting married is not the best idea right now. If you are that sensitive about him looking at some soft porn once and awhile there are problems in your future if you get married.


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## BruisedGirl (Apr 4, 2013)

spara0038 said:


> During a period of brief unemployment (2 months), I noticed my fiancé seemed to act a little different- unmotivated, distant, and defensive. I thought maybe it was just that he was down because of losing his job since he is a very proudly independent person. I agreed to stay out of his job search to not make him feel like I was babysitting him, but after 2 months, it didn't seem like he had applied anywhere. So, out of curiosity, I checked his browsing history.
> 
> I was floored. There was page upon page of porn and web searches for nude female celebrities! I felt like my world had ended, especially since I consider it the same as cheating on me (and he knows that). :'(
> 
> ...


Hi Spara0038,

I just want to say a few things. I'm no expert but I really hope you listen. 

For one, I'm going through something similar. Well, not quite. See, my guy watches porn every day. Sometimes 3+ times each day. Full on porn. He masturbates to it, admittedly. Not every time he says but sometimes. He withholds sex at times and admits when it's "duty" sex. I'd give anything if he were just searching for topless/racy celebrity pics. I really think you should take a chill on that aspect. Really think about why it bothers you so much. Because like the others have said, he's going to look. Period. That can't be negotiated. I don't care what anyone says. He's human, just like you are. And if you break things off with him (not that I'm suggesting you shouldn't) the next man will look too. Guess what I'm trying to say is I think you're torturing yourself with this idea that something is wrong with you. 

I did that to myself and the last little while in my life has been pure hell. Can't eat, can't sleep, feel like I'm going to be sick, feel not good enough, etc. I get it. But you have to just stop. Just stop. I've come to know that if I were as beautiful and sexy as the women he watches in porn, he'd still look at them. Just like if you were a stunning model adored by the world, he'd still look at Cameron Diaz or whomever he fancies. That's just how it is. This does not mean that you aren't good enough. It does not mean that he doesn't love you. It has NOTHING to do with you. 

I'm learning to make myself happy, thanks to some great folks here. I'm learning to be comfortable in the skin I'm in (although a little meatier than in my past, is some pretty awesome freakin' skin ;]) and just accepting that my SO has a problem that I can't fix (not that yours does) and it has nothing, NOTHING to do with me. 

Stop snooping. It'll drive you bat sh!t crazy. You'll have facts that raise more questions that you won't have the answers to until the frenzy in your mind takes a chill. Since I stopped snooping, I'm getting happier by the minute. Know that since he has lied before he will continue to do so. He will start deleting history and searches. You'll get more creative and each time you find a way to snoop he'll find a better way to hide it. Just stop. 

Porn is not a deal breaker for me; however, an untreated addiction to it is. Simply because I matter. My needs matter. My feelings matter. I honestly don't care if my guy watches porn as long as it's in moderation. Wouldn't the world be a great place if we could eat as many Snickers as we wanted to without any consequences? If porn is an absolute deal breaker for you, then by all means end the realtionship. He is who he is and he's one who likes porn. Unless he's addicted to it, don't try to change him. 

If I were you, I'd put this issue on the back burner and focus on the job issue. He has to work. And truth be told, he's looked at more pics/porn since he's been unemployed than he has in 6 months. Not that being unemployed is an excuse for it... just sayin'. I've been focused on myself. Only me. It's helped me a great deal. I think you should give it a go. I wouldn't bring this pic/porn thing up for a while. Focus on you and encourage him to get to work. 

Come back here for support and advice or just to get stuff off of your chest. Sometimes you'll hear things you don't want to hear, but often times that's what we need to work through things. There really are some great people here. 

Best of luck.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

2galsmom said:


> He is giving you passive aggressive signs that he does not want to get married and commit. Thank him for doing this and find someone you are thrilled to marry and who shares the same goals for life as you and save yourself.
> 
> He can then look at porn all he wants and feel no pressure to change.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Yes! Women have this whole "give him a chance" and "benefit of a doubt" speech in our heads...


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Just for a little context here, this is the picture from the article on Maggie Gyllenhaal's lack of a bra: (Which was the cause of the 'huge fight'.)


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

ocotillo said:


> Just for a little context here, this is the picture from the article on Maggie Gyllenhaal's lack of a bra: (Which was the cause of the 'huge fight'.)


Thanks for posting this. I
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BruisedGirl (Apr 4, 2013)

2galsmom said:


> Don't settle for a man who beats off three times a day to porn and surrenders himself for duty sex to you begrudgingly women! Come on.


No one told her to settle. 



> There is a difference between viewing and accepting erotic material and being sexually dysfunctional and the dude masterbating three+ times a day to videos is not an erotically evolved male ladies. Expect more from men and stop making excuses for them.


Again, no one here stated that if he's wanking it to porn 3x/day to porn that she should put her big girl panties on and just deal.

Come on? Yeah, come on. 

She can't change him. She can't. She can cry her eyes out, beg and plead, and ASSUME that because he knows he's hurting her he'll stop. But he won't!! Plain and simple. They'll negotiate/compromise or they won't. But until she reaches a decision whether or not to end things and leave or stay and work it out, she can take steps that will ease her anxiety, which is what I suggested. 

Stating that a man has tendencies to look at attractive women (as women do men) does not mean than anyone is making excuses. He may have an addiction-who knows? But until he fesses up to that and is willing to take steps to better himself, she'll just drive herself crazy with the snooping and what's wrong with me idea.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

BE GRATEFUL YOU AREN'T MARRIED YET!! I hate to tell you this but men are on their best behaviour when you're not married...it will only get worse. Especially when you told him 'its cheating' and then marry him anyway. I can hear him now...."but you where okay with it before we got married....cause you knew I liked to look at women!!" Make a very strong statement if you catch him again! If he comes back to you, then you know he wants to try. He needs to know that its a deal breaker for you!


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## lola23 (Jan 23, 2015)

If you think porn isnt perverted youre crazy!! There is nothing natural or not perverted about it or have you missed the titles like busty young girl gang raped or dad ****s horny teenager or mom forces son to sex there is nothing normal or natural about being screwed in the ass or multiple women cum?spit swapping or how about men who force their wives into threesomes or s&m beating people till they bleed. Porn is common thats what it is common. its everywhere but there is huge difference between normal and common most people just dont know the damn difference. Most people there next argument is content "well it depends on what you watch" pleas...!! when was the last time a man got a pron site to see a nice respectful interaction between a man and woman making love.!? dont kid yourself. its all bad in one way or another. That being said him looking at pics of celebs nude although understandably hurtful definitely isnt the worst thing in the world. that actually is more natural based on the natural draw a womans body has on a man if he didnt have that he would be gay. Natural attraction ia something that always be there for both genders. Not that im saying you should be ok with it either. I dont like it and can certainly understand how it hurts you all to well but that doesnt make him a bad person for doing it. These are some very basic differences between men and women we all have to face. Usually when you love someone enough you are able to look past there flaws for all the better qualities. My guess is he only hid it as to not hurt you. There real question is if that is a habit you can live with or not?, and by that i dont mean ignore you have to truly accept it in a way where it wont hurt you because if you cant, if it something that will always hurt you then you will never be happy. pure fact if it hurts you now it will hurt you later. I dont think what he did was wrong to be honest with you but i dont think thats what you need to focus on either. you both deserve to be happy either you reach a happy understanding between each other or i do think it is best to find someone better suited for your interests and needs. ps. I also like the comment about how he may just be looking for a chemical fix because he is down from being out of that that could very well be true to and is a very real thing so just have an honest discussion. Then do an honest evaluation of what youre feeling afterwards. you will have an answer.


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