# where do i go from here?



## Broken_Angel (Feb 21, 2010)

3 months ago my husband walked out on me. without reason or explaination, he just left while i was at work.
i was devastated but knew i had to just get on with it.
for the first 2 weeks we had no contact at all, no phone calls texts nothing.. then we spoke on the phone, and he said he left because he couldnt trust me. 3 years ago he had an affair for 6 months.. i wont go into detail because that would take forever, but i found out and took him back. i never really forgave what he did and it sent me over the edge emotionally. i got into a bit of a situation at work with another man and ended up kissing him.. this was in retaliation to what hubby had done to me. 
after this things were good, until he stopped me having a life. i couldnt go out without him, i felt like i was being smothered. 
fast forward to now
for the last 12 weeks he has been telling me that he wants to get back with me and that he loves me, but he just needs to work things out in his head.. we have been seeing each other, talking and everything was good..
then 3 weeks ago i was rushed into hospital. i had suffered an ectopic pregnancy, and it almost killed me, i did not even know i was pregnant. i was in hospital for 5 days, and for 3 of those 5 days he was fantastic. came to see me in hospital, sat for 4 hours whilst i was in surgery, he was wonderful, but obviously i am broken hearted about losing the baby.
then i got out of hospital and i have not seen him since. and had not spoke to him at all until 2 days ago. he would not talk to me, only text.
last night my firend came over for a drink, it is the first time i have seen her in so long, because i was not allowed to spend time with friends while we were together, hubby rang me and we talked for a while, i toldhim she was here, he was not happy about it, but like i said to him, he left me.
then out of the blue he turned up.. i was in the pizza shop and happened to be standing next to a man, not doing anything, but hubby saw me and went mad. by this point i was very drunk, as was my friend, and we all ended up having a massive fight in the street (classy i know).
we calmed down, i went home, and he called me and we talked for 2 hours on the phone. he was lovely to me, and i thought things were finally getting back on track, until tonight.
i spoke to him this morning and he asked if i could call him back at about 3pm because he really wanted to sleep.. i agreed, and went back to nursing my hangover.
come 3 pm i called, and called, and called and called, and after about 6 texts and 5000000 phone calls to him that were all being ignored, i started to worry, because he said he had really hurt his back i was scared something might have happened to him, so i text his mam to see if she has heard from him. she said she had seen him this afternoon and he was in pain with his back so he was just going to sleep, but he is ok. 
i left it at that and i went to sleep. 
about 3 hours ago my mobile rang, it was him.. he had called me by accident with his phone in his pocket, and he was out on the town, not laid up with a terrible bad back. the call lasted 15 mins or so, the he realised what had happened and ended the call. 
now i dont know what to do. for all this time he has gone on and on about me being honest and proving i can be trusted, giving him time to sort his head out, when all along he has been having a wonderful time, and has been lying to me over and over, and despite saying to me that he just could not bare the thought of going out drinking without me, he did. and he is probably seeing someone else too.
so here is where the problem is.. do i try and have it out with him, and listen to his lies and excuses, or do i go and file for divorce? there really is no middle ground. if i listen to his excuses, and accept them, he will just continue to lie to me and hurt me, but if i file for divorce that will be it.. trouble is i love this man more than anything in the whole world, and i would hae him back tomorrow.

i just dont know what to do.. please can someone help me with this, because i think im headed for a nervous breakdown. im only 23 and i dont see how i can have a life beyond him

xxxx


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## jessiko555 (Dec 2, 2010)

My husband is like this too. Hot and cold. First he's cooking for me and folding my laundry while I'm in finals, and next he's telling me to GTFO of his house. 

Obviously we fight, but he thinks it's easier to leave than to settle our arguments. How long have you been married for? Maybe he had a taste of the single life, and liked it, but missed the stability of being married. Looks like he can't decide. I'd say move on since you're already living without him. Or give him an ultimatum to decide what he wants right there.


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## Broken_Angel (Feb 21, 2010)

we have been married for 3 1/2 years.. and there is a big age gap.. im 23 and he is 44


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