# Anybody leave their spouse and regret it?



## BlueWoman

I'm just wondering if it actually happens.

They say the best revenge is living well. But I have a hard time seeing my ex giving a rat's @$$ if I'm living well or not.

And while I am currently not angry with him, I sure wouldn't mind him thinking he made a mistake. 

So did you leave your spouse and then regret it? 

Or did your spouse leave you and then tell you they regretted it? 
What's your story?


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## Orange_Pekoe

BlueWoman said:


> I'm just wondering if it actually happens.
> 
> They say the best revenge is living well. But I have a hard time seeing my ex giving a rat's @$$ if I'm living well or not.
> 
> And while I am currently not angry with him, I sure wouldn't mind him thinking he made a mistake.
> 
> So did you leave your spouse and then regret it?
> 
> Or did your spouse leave you and then tell you they regretted it?
> What's your story?


I left because he tried to kick me out. Humiliated me in front of his family. He'd done it a few times before but the last time was over-the-top insanity.

I never regretted leaving that house, because I lived with all my in laws.

But I do sometimes regret walking away from him. "Regret" in the sense that, I wish we had our privacy and space to work it out on our own. Unfortunately, we did not have that and so there was no chance. And this regret surfaces because I miss him - otherwise, I know I deserve to be treated better and that I did the "right" thing.

Usually people divorce because they hate each other, or don't love each other anymore. I still love him a lot. I just can't live with the way he was treating me, and the lifestyle he wanted.


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## 3Xnocharm

BlueWoman said:


> I'm just wondering if it actually happens.
> 
> They say the best revenge is living well. But I have a hard time seeing my ex giving a rat's @$$ if I'm living well or not.
> 
> And while I am currently not angry with him, I sure wouldn't mind him thinking he made a mistake.
> 
> So did you leave your spouse and then regret it?
> 
> Or did your spouse leave you and then tell you they regretted it?
> What's your story?


I did leave and never regretted. Your H was a cheater, correct? Yeah hate to say it but he doesnt care how badly he hurt you or how you are doing. But really, it doesnt matter what he thinks. Reality is that he is a pig and hopefully karma bites his ass. You just live your best life, thats the best revenge.


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## Primrose

I'm still stuck in limbo. A huge part of me wants my family back together, but then the more rational part of me knows that I deserve better (my H left me in January, for the OW, when I was 7 months pregnant with our 3rd child). 

I do believe he will eventually regret this. The woman he is seeing (she lives 6 hours away) is not going to be content to settle down with a man who has three children (especially since she is not fond of children).. nor will she appreciate the fact that I will be a constant presence in their lives because we have three children together and still co-parent peacefully with each other. Also? His family and her family are very against this relationship.

But I try to stop myself from thinking like this. I shouldn't care even if they DO stay together. I just have a battle of my mind and heart going on constantly.


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## Openminded

I left (a 45 year marriage) and never regretted it for a moment. My ex-husband greatly regrets it but at this point I couldn't care less. 

I don't rethink decisions once I've made them and I don't respond when others rethink theirs. Done is done with me. Life moves on.


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## Wolf1974

I know I never regretted leaving. Because the OM dumped my x wife soon after thier affair was discovered I don't know if she regrets it or not. My best guess is she doesn't


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## Ynot

BlueWoman said:


> They say the best revenge is living well. But I have a hard time seeing my ex giving a rat's @$$ if I'm living well or not.


You shouldn't try to live well to exact revenge on your ex. You should live well because YOU deserve it. If your ex ever gets it, that will be their problem. But you will be so much better off it won't matter anyhow.


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## Jellybeans

I was the one who physically left but felt he'd been long gone by then. 

I will always regret *how* I left but in the end, I am at peace with it because I really do feel like I gave it my all to try. 

I look back and believe our chapter was meant to end when it did. We had some great times, we had some ick times, but I am thankful for the experience. 

After my experience though, marriage is something that I don't think I will ever do again.


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## EleGirl

I divorce two times.. different men. Never regretted leaving either of them. What I do regret is that I did not leave them a LOT earlier.


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## BlueWoman

Ynot said:


> You shouldn't try to live well to exact revenge on your ex. You should live well because YOU deserve it. If your ex ever gets it, that will be their problem. But you will be so much better off it won't matter anyhow.



I totally agree with that statement. 

I've just heard the phrase so much, and it seems silly. I'm not getting revenge on my ex. And to be honest, I don't really need it or want it. 

I was just curious. It seems to me to be a fantasy that the X regrets leaving. But who knows, maybe it has happened. I thought I'd ask.


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## SecondTime'Round

Yup, and so did he and we reconciled. Now he's decided he regrets the reconciliation and we're splitting up again. Based on the way he treats me, I will NOT regret it this time. I do regret my stupidity in believing he'd changed, though.


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## Ynot

BlueWoman said:


> I totally agree with that statement.
> 
> I've just heard the phrase so much, and it seems silly. I'm not getting revenge on my ex. And to be honest, I don't really need it or want it.
> 
> I was just curious. It seems to me to be a fantasy that the X regrets leaving. But who knows, maybe it has happened. I thought I'd ask.


I think it happens a lot. Often times the one who leaves does so after creating a fantasy that life will be better once they are gone. Fantasies often fall far short of reality. When the fantasy fails to live up to expectations, they sometimes scurry to try to recoup what they have last. 
I knew when my ex decided to leave that she was way too proud to ever come back. I can't think of a true apology I ever received from her over the past five years or so. I doubt that will change. It was her pride that destroyed the relationship. I doubt it would allow her to try to recover it. But at this point I could care less if she wanted to come back or not. I am on my own voyage now.


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## SamuraiJack

Ynot said:


> I think it happens a lot. Often times the one who leaves does so after creating a fantasy that life will be better once they are gone. Fantasies often fall far short of reality. When the fantasy fails to live up to expectations, they sometimes scurry to try to recoup what they have last.
> I knew when my ex decided to leave that she was way too proud to ever come back. I can't think of a true apology I ever received from her over the past five years or so. I doubt that will change. It was her pride that destroyed the relationship. I doubt it would allow her to try to recover it. But at this point I could care less if she wanted to come back or not. I am on my own voyage now.


Wow. Your ex sounds JUST like mine.

I think she was thinking about coming back about a year after she left me. But I knew that her stubborn pride would not allow her to.
To come back she would have had to admit she was wrong and thats one thing she could NEVER do. She would have had to admit that there was something she couldnt do by herself.

When her world came crashing down around her, she sent me this pathetic, poorly written note apologizing for hurting me, except that it was really her saying "poor little me"

I didnt rescue. 
I was already with someone else who is the COMPLETE opposite of her.

Now she is alone.
Her boyfriend left her and moved to TX. Ouch.
She hasnt had a person in her life in a couple of years and laments to me that fact once in a while.

She actually went so far as to call my relationship with my GF "my predicament".

Too bad...I may have my faults, but I was loyal, patient, honest and a very good husband and father. 
Not to hear her tell the tale...but I digress.

Over the years I have watched her rewrite history

I have watched her continue to smoke even thoug she has a pre cancerous condition, work wayyyy too much even to the point where the kids notice it and complain, and she recently started playing WOW again...which was instrumental in destroying our marriage.
It was literally the 12 pound hammer that helped crush it.

My youngest even told my GF last weekend that it was amazing how much she was exactly the opposite of her mom. How she liked to talk things out and her own mother didnt.

Sometimes she says silly stuff to me. It basically goes in one ear and out the other unless it has "kids" attached to it.

That shiny green vision she wanted so badly was nothing more than fake grass.
Sometime I just really want to message her and tell her that she has AstroTurf in her teeth.










:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Married but Happy

I left my loveless, sexless marriage and found the grass was indeed greener elsewhere. NO regrets on my part. She did initially express some that she was losing her marriage. I don't care what my ex did after that or if she knows how well I'm doing, but I never wished ill on her. I made this better life for myself, and only for myself.


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## WasDecimated

I don't regret divorcing my XWW one bit. The only thing I regret is not throwing her cheating, lying ass out sooner. I'm not saying it was easy to do, but I was too easy on her. We were married for 16 years and have 3 children together. The majority of the years we were married were good but the last 3 were pure hell.

Now, does she have regrets...yes. She has said she does. As for which of her choices she regrets...I don't really know. Does she regret the cheating, lying, sneaking around, destroying her Husband, marriage, family, the lives of our children? She never got into that kind of detail. I do believe the only reason she has regrets is that her POSOM dumped her after his divorce was final and her rainbow/unicorn filled world came crashing down. Like some of you have mentioned, she was also too filled with pride to ever make any real attempt to fix what she destroyed. She could also be filled with shame...and she should be. Unfortunately, remorse is something I never saw. 

Part of me wishes POSOM wouldn't have dumped her. I wanted to stand back and watch them implode.


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## 3Xnocharm

Decimated, it sounds like the only thing your XW regrets is that she got caught!


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## Hardtohandle

Blue, when the divorce is unexpected and your spouse turns into something you never expected. These things can totally throw you for a loop.

Many, including myself have posted these questions at one time or another here or in the CWI forums.. 

Its natural part of going through what you are currently going through and its all normal so don't worry about that..

There will come a time where you will not give a single fvck about your ex spouse.. Many times my GF thinks I get depressed because I am thinking about my Ex wife, when in reality its about stupid things I think about me and her, which has nothing to do with my Ex wife.. 

I went from obsessing and crying about my Ex wife to not even thinking about her at all beyond when she annoys me with bringing me to court because she thinks the child support she is paying me is too high.. 

You will get to that point as well, trust me.. Sadly you will come to learn that all these issues, insecurities, problems ( real and fake ) will get better ONLY with TIME... The one thing I can only say about this divorce and heartache is TIME.. Everyones story might be different and issues but everyone has one factor in common and that is TIME.. It might take me 5 months to get over something, where it might take you 3 weeks.. Regardless I am sure for the both of us it feels like a lifetime of pain either way.. 

Blue, I thought about suicide when I knew my life was leaving me.. I wasn't an adonis or fashion model by any stretch.. But I was a caring man.. I never strayed, though I could have many times in my marriage.. I don't drink or smoke. I never abused my wife.. I praised my wife all the time.. A friend of mine just told me today jokingly, He used to get sick of me telling him how great my EX wife was.. I would have laid down my life for my ex wife, no questions asked.. 

That was 2 years ago.. You get over this sh!t, you eventually realize you put them on a pedestal they didn't deserve.. 

For me it was therapy and talking about it to anyone and everyone that would listen.. I don't care how crazy it made me sound.. It made me feel better.. 

I still have issues. But my Ex wife isn't one of them. 

Mind you Blue, my ex wife is still with this other man.. How he could trust her is beyond me, but then again how great of a person could he be knowing what I know about him.. 

What's funny in a odd way, is being a cop and a detective in a large city and seeing all the things I have seen and seeing the evil that people can be.. I was utterly surprised and SHOCKED when I discovered how mean, insensitive and uncaring my Ex wife could be.. I've dealt with and arrested child rapist, but I was shocked how my ex wife was to me in the end.. I couldn't get my head around it.. I would go back and try to figure out what I DID that was so bad in our marriage.. What did I DO to make her so mean and uncaring ? 

Eventually I realized it just wasn't anything I did.. But I had to learn how to accept it also.. 

Its crazy what this stuff does to your mind..


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## SamuraiJack

Hardtohandle said:


> What's funny in a odd way, is being a cop and a detective in a large city and seeing all the things I have seen and seeing the evil that people can be.. *I was utterly surprised and SHOCKED when I discovered how mean, insensitive and uncaring my Ex wife could be.*. I've dealt with and arrested child rapist, but I was shocked how my ex wife was to me in the end.. I couldn't get my head around it.. I would go back and try to figure out what I DID that was so bad in our marriage.. What did I DO to make her so mean and uncaring ?
> 
> Eventually I realized it just wasn't anything I did.. But I had to learn how to accept it also..
> 
> Its crazy what this stuff does to your mind..


I am in the process of that with my ex. She just opened up a can of worms and blamed me for it.

I'm moving money around for finances and refi on my house and my 401k so I have the money in my regular account as a placehoder. She got a look at the balance and TOTALLY flipped..Last week I was "a terrific father to the girls" Now she wants to call me the "world greatest deadbeat dad."

(Truly a WTH? Moment for me here.)

I might start another thread, but I sewar sometimes they re-write history so much that you arent "who you are" to them....you are a collection of the things they have been telling thmselves.


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## Hardtohandle

SamuraiJack said:


> I am in the process of that with my ex. She just opened up a can of worms and blamed me for it.
> 
> I'm moving money around for finances and refi on my house and my 401k so I have the money in my regular account as a placehoder. She got a look at the balance and TOTALLY flipped..Last week I was "a terrific father to the girls" Now she wants to call me the "world greatest deadbeat dad."
> 
> (Truly a WTH? Moment for me here.)
> 
> I might start another thread, but I sewar sometimes they re-write history so much that you arent "who you are" to them....you are a collection of the things they have been telling thmselves.


Not to derail but did you explain it to her and did she understand ? Or was it one of those moments that they were so wrapped up and upset that it just didn't matter what you said.


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## SamuraiJack

Hardtohandle said:


> Not to derail but did you explain it to her and did she understand ? Or was it one of those moments that they were so wrapped up and upset that it just didn't matter what you said.



She hasnt responded back yet. She says she has spent the past few days with this and Im guessing it just built up.
I honestly dont know if she will understand it, but I did explain it to her.
But then I honestly dont think she even knows who I am anymore.
I'm just a representation of "everything that was standing in the way of her happiness."

Now that she doesnt have that happiness...I'm just something to be mad at.


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## Morgiana

I left my spouse and don't regret it. I don't wish it would have ended any sooner, because I wouldn't be where I am now, but I do wish we would have been able to divorce for a lot less $$. And that he'd stop always trying to come after me for money just because he can't manage his own/got into too much debt.


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## redhead40

I left and never regretted it at all. It was a loveless marriage where I was made to feel like I was not good enough for him unless he wanted sex or needed someone to look pretty on his arm at a party.


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## 3Xnocharm

SamuraiJack said:


> I am in the process of that with my ex. She just opened up a can of worms and blamed me for it.
> 
> I'm moving money around for finances and refi on my house and my 401k so I have the money in my regular account as a placehoder. She got a look at the balance and TOTALLY flipped..Last week I was "a terrific father to the girls" Now she wants to call me the "world greatest deadbeat dad."
> 
> (Truly a WTH? Moment for me here.)
> 
> I might start another thread, but I sewar sometimes they re-write history so much that you arent "who you are" to them....you are a collection of the things they have been telling thmselves.


Why in the world can your XW see your bank account?? :scratchhead:


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## Primrose

Hardtohandle said:


> I was utterly surprised and SHOCKED when I discovered how mean, insensitive and uncaring my Ex wife could be..


This is currently resonating within me. 

My husband left me in January for the OW. We've been together for a decade (married for 9) and in all of our years together he has never spoken to me in the ways he has just in these past three months. He's been cruel, hateful, spiteful.. he's called me names and cursed at me. None of that he *ever* did when we were together. He's an entirely different person now.. but truthfully? Seeing this side of him makes it so much easier for me to move on.


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## SamuraiJack

3Xnocharm said:


> Why in the world can your XW see your bank account?? :scratchhead:


Good question. My bank gives us a finance minder program. My ex and I have a common account we both pay to. Its under my name so it shows up on my finance minder.

So does my main account.

I took a screen shot because it was easier than writing down the pending transactions...I just didnt notice that it was also showing the balance of my main account in a small window off to the left.

Dopey me.


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## bkyln309

No, I dont regret it. The only thing is that I waited so long to divorce him. He really was a horrible man underneath of it. It took me 10 years to get the courage to pull the trigger. So glad I did.


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## Regretf

Primrose said:


> This is currently resonating within me.
> 
> My husband left me in January for the OW. We've been together for a decade (married for 9) and in all of our years together he has never spoken to me in the ways he has just in these past three months. He's been cruel, hateful, spiteful.. he's called me names and cursed at me. None of that he *ever* did when we were together. He's an entirely different person now.. but truthfully? Seeing this side of him makes it so much easier for me to move on.


I get you, i'm seeing a side of my W i never knew. The say if you want to know someone's true carácter divorce them, D brings out the worst in some people.

You would think your H would be remorseful for leaving you for OW and act in a more humble way, but no, they decide to be a$$holes.

And yes seeing that side of them makes it easier for you to move on. He hasn't changed, you just discovered the real him.


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## SamuraiJack

Regretf said:


> I get you, i'm seeing a side of my W i never knew. The say if you want to know someone's true carácter divorce them, D brings out the worst in some people.
> 
> You would think your H would be remorseful for leaving you for OW and act in a more humble way, but no, they decide to be a$$holes.
> 
> And yes seeing that side of them makes it easier for you to move on. He hasn't changed, you just discovered the real him.


On the other hand, I’m pretty certain that if you put people under enough strain, they will begin to manifest symptoms that are very close to personality disorders.
The treatment I got from my ex was UTTERLY baffling. 
Her words didn’t match anything she was doing. 
First she was okay for reconciliation, then she was dead set against it. 
She probably flopped every other day for MONTHS.
To make matters worse she announced in March and didn’t move out until the end of May, slept in the same bed citing her “right” to sleep there and continually placing restrictions on how or when or if I could touch her or talk to her.
By the time she was almost leaving there was literally nothing I could do to communicate with her.
The frustration at being so helpless to fix “us” was so high I could feel my heart going into dysrhythmia.

While I am not proud of it, I’m pretty sure I did some out of character things just due to the absolute sheer stress of it.

On the other side of the coin, there are some people who can only leave another person by choosing to actively hate them. I find that this is more often a reaction formation than a choice and usually has to do with self-worth issues.

Sure it’s easy to say that these people were weak or of low character etc…but in my practice and in real life I have seen people driven to the very edge do some pretty odd things.

I’m not excusing any exes behavior. I’m just saying that people driven far enough down the road can fall back on the lower brain for survival and it’s usually not pretty.


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## Chuck71

XW regretted it before the D was final. In my Sink or Swim thread, it goes

into more detail (mid-Jan. 2013). About 6 weeks after D, XW offered a weekend 

at her place, all alone, making homemade spaghetti (top 5 fav), you're welcome to

come. I refused, I was already seeing someone. We watched a movie, shared a 

pizza, went to bed. Near the one year mark of D, WC asked me to eat at my fav 

bistro. Told current g/f and had her in a booth across the joint. XW sent a "from the 

heart" email and wanted us to start dating again. She was still with Ray Ray.... a so 

called pilot but all I saw was a headset on in a go-kart on her FB. XW said she 

regretted the D and I retorted I was the happiest I had been in years. There still 

were reaches but that day, was the nail in the coffin. I'm not with post-D g/f but I

still do not regret it at all. XW wanted the D and, I gave her exactly what she wanted.

I guess her green grass on the horizon was growing on a septic tank. 

That wasn't a typo.... his name was Ray but wanted to go by Ray Ray..... he was 54 :rofl:


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## sammy3

Im not D yet, but am separated for almost 4 yrs. I have to say yes, I regret the separation, and what may lead to a D. I know the nxt will be treated like a queen.

In this separation, I have lots of regrets as I see my life missing out on ways it was to be. 

But I know the marriage to this man would never be the marriage again that I regret separating from.

~sammy


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## Stretch

My WAW regretted it 14 months after she moved out. Now she is having a difficult time accepting that we were both with other people while we were separated. Although, in her eyes, my relationship was the problem, not hers.

It's causing a ton of problems as we try to reconcile.

What a mess!

Stretch


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## Lost40

I don't regret it. What I do regret is my behavior in trying and saying anything to keep him from leaving me for another woman. I will regret that for eternity, bc he didn't deserve that recognition and I made it insanely easy on him to put the blame on me. 

I tell myself I did it for my son. I wanted my son to not experience the pain and hurt I was in, and therefore would've done anything to prevent it. And for this reason I don't regret acting that way, bc I would do anything for my son. But I regret my ex getting the satisfaction of me groveling.


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## Pluto2

Lost40 said:


> I don't regret it. What I do regret is my behavior in trying and saying anything to keep him from leaving me for another woman. I will regret that for eternity, bc he didn't deserve that and I made it insanely easy on him to put the blame on me.
> 
> I tell myself I did it for my son. I wanted my son to not experience the pain and hurt I was in, and therefore would've done anything to prevent it. And for this reason I don't regret acting that way, bc I would do anything for my son. But I regret my ex getting the satisfaction of me groveling.


Ah, but Lost40, now your son gets the joy of your recovery. That's good parenting.


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## Chuck71

Lost40 said:


> I don't regret it. What I do regret is my behavior in trying and saying anything to keep him from leaving me for another woman. I will regret that for eternity, bc he didn't deserve that and I made it insanely easy on him to put the blame on me.
> 
> I tell myself I did it for my son. I wanted my son to not experience the pain and hurt I was in, and therefore would've done anything to prevent it. And for this reason I don't regret acting that way, bc I would do anything for my son. But I regret my ex getting the satisfaction of me groveling.


Hang your head high.... you tried and "lost"

most never even try. You laid your cards on the table.... and walked away with no regrets


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## samyeagar

BlueWoman said:


> I totally agree with that statement.
> 
> I've just heard the phrase so much, and it seems silly. I'm not getting revenge on my ex. And to be honest, I don't really need it or want it.
> 
> I was just curious. It seems to me to be a fantasy that the X regrets leaving. But who knows, maybe it has happened. I thought I'd ask.


I think it's the whole romantic comedy screen writers fault.

I really could give two sh1t's about my ex wife, and don't care about her opinion of me either. Complete indifference.

I think this ties into the whole notion of closure, and the need to feel validated. If there ever was a time for self validation, and achieving closure from within...divorce is the time.


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## toolforgrowth

Chuck71 said:


> Lost40 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I don't regret it. What I do regret is my behavior in trying and saying anything to keep him from leaving me for another woman. I will regret that for eternity, bc he didn't deserve that and I made it insanely easy on him to put the blame on me.
> 
> I tell myself I did it for my son. I wanted my son to not experience the pain and hurt I was in, and therefore would've done anything to prevent it. And for this reason I don't regret acting that way, bc I would do anything for my son. But I regret my ex getting the satisfaction of me groveling.
> 
> 
> 
> Hang your head high.... you tried and "lost"
> 
> most never even try. You laid your cards on the table.... and walked away with no regrets
Click to expand...

Good post, and I can completely relate. 

I initially begged my xWW not to tear apart our family, and I was willing to do anything to make things right. I made that plainly clear. She kept resisting, obviously.

Then I found out about her A.

I was livid. Beyond rage. Obviously sad and completely devastated as well, but that's when I knew there was no hope. I simply gave up.

So I started dating an old flame from many years prior, who was stunningly gorgeous. I pushed the divorce through and in less than a year I was free.

On New Year's Eve 2012, the year my marriage and life exploded, I get a message from an alias Facebook account that says "I'm sorry. Should have been better. Wish things were different. I miss you. I've been drinking and I shouldn't be messaging you." It continued on after that, but you get the drift.

I reply a few days later, basically saying "if you have something to say, say it." She beats around the bush, says stuff like "I'm in an unhappy marriage and I want to have fun with you." I flat out said "My ex wife cheated and had an affair. she tried to keep it a secret from me, but I found out. I did everything I could to save my marriage and family. And I failed. But I have NO regrets now. I walked away knowing I did everything I could, so I can move forward with my life with a clear conscience."

I never heard from my xWW through that alias Facebook account again.


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## Chuck71

samyeagar said:


> I think it's the whole romantic comedy screen writers fault.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

I think the new term is unicorns and rainbows

Was talking to a girl and we were planning to meet

She said she wanted the unicorns and rainbows

We never met, I knew what was coming

ROM-COM...... what a load of horse schit


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## Chuck71

toolforgrowth said:


> Good post, and I can completely relate.
> 
> I initially begged my xWW not to tear apart our family, and I was willing to do anything to make things right. I made that plainly clear. She kept resisting, obviously.
> 
> Then I found out about her A.
> 
> I was livid. Beyond rage. Obviously sad and completely devastated as well, but that's when I knew there was no hope. I simply gave up.
> 
> So I started dating an old flame from many years prior, who was stunningly gorgeous. I pushed the divorce through and in less than a year I was free.
> 
> On New Year's Eve 2012, the year my marriage and life exploded, I get a message from an alias Facebook account that says "I'm sorry. Should have been better. Wish things were different. I miss you. I've been drinking and I shouldn't be messaging you." It continued on after that, but you get the drift.
> 
> *I reply a few days later, basically saying "if you have something to say, say it." She beats around the bush, says stuff like "I'm in an unhappy marriage and I want to have fun with you." I flat out said "My ex wife cheated and had an affair. she tried to keep it a secret from me, but I found out. I did everything I could to save my marriage and family. And I failed. But I have NO regrets now. I walked away knowing I did everything I could, so I can move forward with my life with a clear conscience."*
> 
> I never heard from my xWW through that alias Facebook account again.



We must be related..... almost word for word what I said to my XW.

We didn't have kids and I never knew if she even cheated or not.

She walked out on the M.... that was enough for me.

Did she regret it? Yeah... even before the 60 day wait.

My parents taught me.... accountability and responsibility.

XW never owned it.... that's why she lives in another state, taking care of an old man on disability.

Sometimes I want to message her and say, "How's you're new life going?" But I don't...


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## TheGoodGuy

Primrose said:


> This is currently resonating within me.
> 
> My husband left me in January for the OW. We've been together for a decade (married for 9) and in all of our years together he has never spoken to me in the ways he has just in these past three months. He's been cruel, hateful, spiteful.. he's called me names and cursed at me. None of that he *ever* did when we were together. He's an entirely different person now.. but truthfully? Seeing this side of him makes it so much easier for me to move on.


That's the exact same way it was for me.

And no, I don't regret divorcing her. She cheated and she abandoned us and moved out. I just helped get the paperwork rolling to be done as quickly as we could. She started to "regret it" about 3 months into D and asked halfheartedly to reconcile, but way too much water was under the bridge at that point. WAY past the point of no return


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## Wolf1974

Primrose said:


> This is currently resonating within me.
> 
> My husband left me in January for the OW. We've been together for a decade (married for 9) and in all of our years together he has never spoken to me in the ways he has just in these past three months. He's been cruel, hateful, spiteful.. he's called me names and cursed at me. None of that he *ever* did when we were together. He's an entirely different person now.. but truthfully? Seeing this side of him makes it so much easier for me to move on.


Exactly. Once you see the real them it's much easier to move on. When in counseling they worked with me as if it was a death of a family member instead of an affair. At the time I didn't understand why but later it became clear. While my x looked physically the same she was completely different person...angry, cruel, rude, selfish. You fight for what you had but once you accept that the person you loved is dead you can move on. This is where counseling really helped me with understanding.


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## Regretf

Wolf1974 said:


> Exactly. Once you see the real them it's much easier to move on. When in counseling they worked with me as if it was a death of a family member instead of an affair. At the time I didn't understand why but later it became clear. While my x looked physically the same she was completely different person...angry, cruel, rude, selfish. You fight for what you had but once you accept that the person you loved is dead you can move on. This is where counseling really helped me with understanding.


Why is it that they "become" like that. A completely different person...angry, cruel, rude, selfish?


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## TheGoodGuy

Regretf said:


> Why is it that they "become" like that. A completely different person...angry, cruel, rude, selfish?


I asked my ex that during her brief "regretful" period and she claimed it was so that I would have an easier time letting her go if I hated her for treating me like that. On one hand she was right, but man it hurt bad.

In reality I think it was so that I'd get off her back quickly and let her go on being with the POSOM in peace. Until I blew up her affair, and then she was angry and rude for different reasons. :rofl:


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## arbitrator

In retrospect, I should have been the one to do the leaving in both of my failed marriages ~ but put the onus on my XW's to be the one's to file for D to have them air their justifications for their infidelic actions as such before their respective families ~ sure... we all know that they're going to that!

IMHO, neither of them are really honest enough to ever admit to making their poor choices, much less ever confessing their misdoings despite the voluminous evidence that there is against them!

So I just chalk it all up to the fact that I ended up marrying warped, self-serving women of dishonorable means!

Thank God that they are someone else's problems now!


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## Nomorebeans

TheGoodGuy said:


> I asked my ex that during her brief "regretful" period and she claimed it was so that I would have an easier time letting her go if I hated her for treating me like that. On one hand she was right, but man it hurt bad.
> 
> In reality I think it was so that I'd get off her back quickly and let her go on being with the POSOM in peace. Until I blew up her affair, and then she was angry and rude for different reasons. :rofl:


I love how cheaters all seem to do this - say that every craptastic thing they did - lying, sneaking around, hiding things, acting like a jerk - was to save OUR feelings. Bullsh!t. Everything a cheater does is all about the cheater, and no one else. You nailed it in your second paragraph.

I like to think my STBX will start regretting it when the moving truck comes in two weeks to take all his stuff to his new dwelling, and all the neighbors (some of whom I've told about his affair) are there to see it. Then, he'll regret it some more when he finds himself over there doing all his grocery shopping, cooking (which he doesn't do at all), and cleaning for himself. I'm sure he'll get the OW in there as soon as possible so he'll have someone to take care of all that for him. Then, I like to think he'll start regretting it even more when she is there, and he finds that living with this person with whom he's only had an idyllic long-distance relationship from day to day and introducing her to people who used to be both our friends and know he cheated on me with her is awkward, at best.

He'll never tell me any of this, even if it does all come true, so I'll never really know.

What I would really like most of all is for the day to come when I don't give a fvck how he feels about anything at all.


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## toonaive

"She actually went so far as to call my relationship with my GF "my predicament"

Funny! You have a Predicament, Mine was called my "living arrangement".


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## BlueWoman

Nomorebeans said:


> I
> 
> What I would really like most of all is for the day to come when I don't give a fvck how he feels about anything at all.


It will happen. I promise. Maybe not tomorrow, or next month, but it will happen.


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## VeryHurt

Regretf said:


> Why is it that they "become" like that. A completely different person...angry, cruel, rude, selfish?


Shame and Guilt !!!


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## GusPolinski

Stretch said:


> My *WAW* regretted it 14 months after *she moved out.* Now she is having a difficult time accepting that we were both with other people while we were separated. Although, *in her eyes, my relationship was the problem, not hers.*
> 
> It's causing a ton of problems as we try to reconcile.
> 
> What a mess!
> 
> Stretch


What the...?


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## K to the J

Ynot & Jack's exes sounds just like... me.

I am too proud to admit i was wrong or proclaim my love at all. I left a great woman. Destroyed a great woman. All for a woman that is twenty five years her junior. Another great woman though and I highly doubt she will ever leave me. I think that it would deeply hurt her if I was to leave her. I don't think I could handle that again. To watch my ex wife sob and cry as I left shredded what little humanity I had. Doing it again? would that right my wrong?

I used to tell myself that my wife did not care but what I perceived as a nasty whinny ***** was just a loving woman begging for attention. now I go someplace nice or romantic and I think about how much my ex wife would enjoy it. how happy she would be if we had taken the adventure ourselves? 

I regret it every day even though I have found someone that I make very happy and is so good to me, I can't stop thinking about her or what I did to her. I will always love her and I hope it crushes me when she finally does move on.


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