# Financial arrangement between spouses



## goodmom72 (Jul 20, 2011)

I was married in 2008 and had a baby last yr. All along I have had suspicion and financial issues with my husband. In the first two yrs of my marriage I trusted my H blindly to manage both our incomes. He wanted to have complete control over finances and I gave in to avoid arguments and also bcoz I trusted him to take care of me. The biggest blow to this trust was during my C-section last yr when he refused to pay for the operation. He simply said he had no money which was a lie!! Post my operation I refused to account for every penny I spent and also demanded that he let me handle my own income. He agreed provided I transferred a considerable sum every month by way of contributing towards family expenses. I agreed because I have no issues contributing. However, I couldn't handle his compulsion to budget every penny wherein I had no right to use funds without his permission or direction. I could not buy so much as a pair of footwear without him deeming it necessary. He would make a big issue because my mother was financially dependent on me and he knew and agreed to this before marriage.
My suggestion to use joint and separate accounts fell on deaf ears. He always argued that the remainder of his income, after contributing to the joint account, would also eventually be used for him, me and our son while the remainder of my income was being given away to my mom which was not acceptable to him.
Moreover, all assets and utilities were in his name and it seemed as if I had no identity in the relationship. He had purchased a flat before we were married and I acknowledge I have no right over it. However, last year he purchased another flat solely in his name despite my having contributed a significant amount towards the initial deposit while booking the flat. He has never been prepared to buy assets in my name but has no inhibitions asking me to contributing towards the loans.

In the beginning of this year I walked out on him bcoz he once again suspected me of infidelity and I decided I had had enough of his insecurities.
In the last one week we tried to attempt reconciliation. He emailed me a set of questions/scenarios based on past incidents and had me answer them. He mentioned that he would use my response to judge if such incidents in future could disrupt his peace of mind beyond tolerable levels and then decide if he wanted to reconcile. Similarly he asked me to put forth questions for him to answer. As expected, one of the questions was how should we handle finances. I once again suggested that we use joint and separate accounts and contribute in proportion to our income [he earns 3 times more than I earn]. I also suggested that the rest of our respective incomes is for us to save or utilize as we each saw fit and we had no right to question the other. The reason for suggesting this arrangement was that my mom's dependency on me has ended so the remainder of my income would eventually be utilized by me, him and our son. He refused this suggestion and wanted sole control over finances. He demanded that I transfer to his account, 50% of my income as well as other credits from my employer. Apart from this, he also demanded that I transfer additional funds to his account as and when he had such a requirement.

I refused to commit or comment on this suggestion of his. I am still wary of trusting him after what happened during my c-section. Further, I felt that his demand on my income is unfair when he doesn't care to give me financial rights or acquire assets in my name. Another reason for suggesting joint/separate accounts was if down the road we were to have issues and I walked out on him again, he would be left with all the assets which would also include contribution from my income which would be a big blow to me. In such a situation the only thing that would help me is my personal savings.

Anyway, we have decided that we cannot continue with this marriage and are preparing to file a divorce petition in mid Aug. I wanted to know if this expectation from him is right? Also was i wrong to have suggested the idea of joint/separate accounts and contributing to expenses in proportion to our incomes?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You placed complete trust in him initially. When you did this it came back to bite you. You were supporting your mother and he had issues with this even though you took the time to discuss it with him prior to committing to share anything with him. 

I would not expect him to pay for divorce! but I think you should get the paper trail of the monies that went into that second piece of property. If you ended up paying on your own for your C-Section you should get document the paid expenses for that, because that child is 1/2 of his responsibility. 

He is a control freak, obviously, I can only imagine what he is like seuxally, oh wait no I don't have to imagine because he sounds like my STBXH, including the insecurities and accusations of cheating that lead to the controlling behavior.

Well, I suppose there are worse things, like being an ax murdered. Oh wait, no, that would be a fast death. Life with a guy like this is like being smothered very very very v e r y slowly. You are good to yourself to end it. It is a perfectly reasonable thing to do and please don't second guess yourself. 

False accusations of infidelity on his part along with securing a second flat, and having control of all the money, along with cruelty with not wanting to care for people who need it when they need it (yourself, you mother, your child? whom you have not mentioned how his/her needs are taken care of...) would make me suspect that he is cheating. But that would be the least of your issues. I know they were for me.


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