# I need help with my entitlement, before I loose the women of my dreams !!



## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

Me and my Wife we married half year ago and we been together year before than.

I am mid 30s and my wife mid 40s with a small child.

She is a women of my dreams and because this is my first relationship and i am only child (and grandchild), I had several problems.

I feel i resolved most of them (as complaining, been a freak control and biggest one that i wasn't accepting her child ), while i resolved these issues, i have huge issue remains that ruined my marriage, the "entitlement". Every time we stop fighting we have few good days, and than the "entitlement" comes out and we brake up again.

I cannot resolve my stupid entitlement BS, i know i am not entitled and alone I be 100 worst and heart broken for rest of my life. But sometimes I locked on the small things that part of my so called "entitlement".

We had many fights and when we together this stupid entitlement comes out, and even that i receive way more than i give and i am acting as entitled. This entitlement ruined my marriage. I feel that this is my last chance to fix it, as my wife kicking me out. I would really like some advice/help on this subject.

I want to say my wife she is the most beautiful and amazing person for me (and her touch is the most wonderful thing ever happened to me), but we keep fighting and braking up because my stupid entitlement every few weeks. My wife broke up with me and asked me to move out. I do not know what to do, i really need some help on this entitlement issue.

For example she stopped making tea for me in the morning, because I stopped doing some tiny chore she gave me (she doing 100 times more). Of course if i ask my wife she will do it with a smile, but my problem that "i feel i deserve" sometimes, it is like i lock on something stupid. So i blamed her and made a huge fight.

I am writing this with tears, my wife kicked me out from the room. And in case i will get my last chance (if at all), i really need help, please...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No matter what, you need counselling for yourself to help you become a better person.


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

Thank you for replying, how i can do this with low budget?

She says its over, but even if there tiny chance i will fight for her love.

Thanks


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

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## DTG (Mar 30, 2020)

EntitledH said:


> Me and my Wife we married half year ago and we been together year before than.
> 
> I am mid 30s and my wife mid 40s with a small child.
> 
> ...


What do you do to make her life better?
Let go of the "entitled" you. The new you starts now. 
Set yourself some goals ON YOUR OWN. 
Start off by at least doing the chores set for you.
Add in things which make her life easier like making dinner, making her tea, doing something special for her kid.

Dont try and draw attention to your changes just do it. Being a husband is about self sacrifice as much as anything.

You have to do these changes yourself, dont ask her what she wants to do, shes not your mum. 

As soon as you have a thought about being entitled or that you deserve something, crush that thought. Take a time out if need be.

Dont argue or stick up for yourself, your actions will do the talking.

Write lists, set hourly reminders, do what it takes to take control of your impulses.


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

She never gave me real chores, and because we living with her mother I do not have many things to do. At this point she do not even want to talk/see me, she said i have 1 month to find a place to leave as this renting place ends at that time.

At this point she will never allow me to make her tea...


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## DTG (Mar 30, 2020)

EntitledH said:


> She never gave me real chores, and because we living with her mother I do not have many things to do. At this point she do not even want to talk/see me, she said i have 1 month to find a place to leave as this renting place ends at that time.
> 
> At this point she will never allow me to make her tea...


Have a look on husbandhelphaven you may find some helpful articles under separation


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

DTG said:


> Have a look on husbandhelphaven you may find some helpful articles under separation


Really helped thanks.


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

After reading other forums. Any advice how to help with this (I believe i changed a lot towards caring for my wife and her son), thanks


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

It’s hard to explain to someone how to be a decent person. 
You took her for granted. It sounded like she gave you a lot of chances. Your time might be up. Do you have a job? What do you do for your wife?


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> It’s hard to explain to someone how to be a decent person.
> You took her for granted. It sounded like she gave you a lot of chances. Your time might be up. Do you have a job? What do you do for your wife?


We moving in a month I hope to rent place near her and work on myself.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Good luck


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EntitledH said:


> *She never gave me real chores*, and because we living with her mother I do not have many things to do. At this point she do not even want to talk/see me, she said i have 1 month to find a place to leave as this renting place ends at that time.
> 
> At this point she will never allow me to make her tea...


Why do you think that your wife should give you 'real chores'?

If you lived alone, you would do the chores, right? You would clean your place, cook your food, go shopping. Right? It's called taking responsibility for yourself.

When you live with someone, you still have do the same things you do when you live by yourself. It's not her job to clean up after you. It not only her job to clean the house, etc. And she should not have to tell you to do chores, you should know that you need to take responsibility. The nice thing is that when you are married, the two of you can take responsibility which cuts the chores down in half for each of you.


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Why do you think that your wife should give you 'real chores'?
> 
> If you lived alone, you would do the chores, right? You would clean your place, cook your food, go shopping. Right? It's called taking responsibility for yourself.
> 
> When you live with someone, you still have do the same things you do when you live by yourself. It's not her job to clean up after you. It not only her job to clean the house, etc. And she should not have to tell you to do chores, you should know that you need to take responsibility. The nice thing is that when you are married, the two of you can take responsibility which cuts the chores down in half for each of you.


But why, once we back together i always take it for granted?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When you were growing up, did you mom do everything at home? Did your father do chores? Did you do chores?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EntitledH said:


> But why, once we back together i always take it for granted?


Because you are lazy and want someone else to do the work that you should be doing.

If you see dirty dishes in the sink, do you wash them or do you just expect her to do it?

Who washes your laundry?

Do you pick up after yourself around the house? Or do you leave stuff around and she has to put it all away and clean up after you?


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> When you were growing up, did you mom do everything at home? Did your father do chores? Did you do chores?


They kind of shared. But i was only child and only grandchild, so i was treated as a king...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EntitledH said:


> They kind of shared. But i was only child and only grandchild, so i was treated as a king...


I guess you have now found out that you are not king. It's apparently a tough lesson to learn. 

How old are you?

Look around your house. What needs to be done? Are there dirty dishes? Is there laundry to wash? Does a meal need to be cooked? Go do it. Pretty simple.


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Because you are lazy and want someone else to do the work that you should be doing.
> 
> If you see dirty dishes in the sink, do you wash them or do you just expect her to do it?
> 
> ...


That exactly my point, now i want to> But every time we back together i stopping to do this. I guess Laziness + just don't want to...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EntitledH said:


> That exactly my point, now i want to> But every time we back together i stopping to do this. I guess Laziness + just don't want to...


Of course you don't want to. No one wants to do house work and other chores. Everyone would love to have someone to do all that.

Now that you know to do these things, start doing them. And if the two of you fix your marriage and stay together don't stop doing them. You have complete control over this.


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> I guess you have now found out that you are not king. It's apparently a tough lesson to learn.
> 
> How old are you?
> 
> Look around your house. What needs to be done? Are there dirty dishes? Is there laundry to wash? Does a meal need to be cooked? Go do it. Pretty simple.


I am mid 30s and my wife mid 40s.


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Of course you don't want to. No one wants to do house work and other chores. Everyone would love to have someone to do all that.
> 
> Now that you know to do these things, start doing them. And if the two of you fix your marriage and stay together don't stop doing them. You have complete control over this.


Thank you, going to sleep with tears from what you said, i wish i looked for help before. My wife kicked me from our room. Cannot blame her.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Did you live at home with your parents until you got married? Why are you and your wife living with her mother now?

You need to wake up OP, it's not the 1950's anymore. Husbands are expected to pull their weight. I'm honestly surprised that your wife married you, given that she has a small child, she took a big risk.

Not sure there's much hope here, most of the time when a woman is done, she's done and there's no going back.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

EntitledH said:


> That exactly my point, now i want to> But every time we back together i stopping to do this. I guess Laziness + just don't want to...


Well no one wants to be with someone who is lazy.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

EntitledH said:


> She never gave me real chores, and because we living with her mother I do not have many things to do. At this point she do not even want to talk/see me, she said i have 1 month to find a place to leave as this renting place ends at that time.
> 
> At this point she will never allow me to make her tea...


You sound like a child. *"She never gave me any chores."* What are you, 12 years old?

And why are you living with her mother???? Are you so entitled that you don't think you need to work either, and that everyone else should support you?

I can see why this **** show isn't working. Time to *grow *up and *man* up, in that order.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

EntitledH said:


> She never gave me real chores, and because we living with her mother I do not have many things to do. At this point she do not even want to talk/see me, she said i have 1 month to find a place to leave as this renting place ends at that time.
> 
> At this point she will never allow me to make her tea...


Buddy, c’mon. Seriously.

Here’s what you do: Do everything for yourself. Everything. You make your own tea, you do your own dishes and laundry, find your own place, and look after yourself. You know, like everybody else does.


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

Marduk said:


> Buddy, c’mon. Seriously.
> 
> Here’s what you do: Do everything for yourself. Everything. You make your own tea, you do your own dishes and laundry, find your own place, and look after yourself. You know, like everybody else does.


It is very hard when you had such big love from someone, that you know you never be that happy again.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

EntitledH said:


> It is very hard when you had such big love from someone, that you know you never be that happy again.


None of that has anything to do with what I said.

Go do you. Be self-sufficient.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

Seriously, before you even think about turning on the TV or unlocking your phone when you get home look around at the things that need to be done. Some common prompts for what you can help with:

Is supper ready?

Is the baby awake? Does it need a diaper change? To be held? To be fed? Are there toys to be picked up? Blanket forts to be dismantled? Built? Is the homework done? Baths?

Are the dishes washed? Put away?

Is the laundry folded? Is the dirty laundry in the hamper?

Is there an obvious mess that needs to be dealt with?

Does your wife's feet need to be rubbed? Back? Pro tip: don't expect quid pro quo. I think it is OK to be hopeful but not OK to be expectant.

On the weekends: Is the yard mowed? Flowerbeds weeded or planted? Grocery shopping done?

Feel free to print out a checklist to be used every day until it becomes the new normal. Expect doubt and resistance if you are making a change in your habits. Don't expect that it will fix this relationship but it might save the next one. It might still not be enough.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*EntitledH,*

Do you work? Full time?

Does your wife work?


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> *EntitledH,*
> 
> Do you work? Full time?
> 
> Does your wife work?


She now work from home because COVID-19, i do not work right now, no.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

EntitledH said:


> She never gave me real chores, and because we living with her mother I do not have many things to do. At this point she do not even want to talk/see me, she said i have 1 month to find a place to leave as this renting place ends at that time.
> 
> At this point she will never allow me to make her tea...


Why does she have to give you chores?
Are you married to your mother?
Why don't you take some initiative, and at a minimum do the little things like not leave your drawers on the floor.
If you see a need in the house, address it.
Even if you do it in a manner that is not to her standards, she will see that you are making an effort.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

EntitledH said:


> But why, once we back together i always take it for granted?


Because your head is writing checks your rear can't cover.
Get over yourself.


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> Because your head is writing checks your rear can't cover.
> Get over yourself.


Because i am lazy, i should always look for more work, and push my self every day?

Thanks


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

EntitledH said:


> Because i am lazy, i should always look for more work, and push my self every day?
> 
> Thanks


Precisely. It might get her attention, in a positive way.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EntitledH said:


> She now work from home because COVID-19, i do not work right now, no.


So she works. I'm assuming full time. Is that right?

How about you? Do you have a job?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EntitledH said:


> Because i am lazy, i should always look for more work, and push my self every day?
> 
> Thanks


Of course you should always look for more work and push yourself every day.

Isn't that what your wife does?


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Of course you should always look for more work and push yourself every day.
> 
> Isn't that what your wife does?


It will sound so so stupid, but she makes it look so easy and "naturally"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EntitledH said:


> It will sound so so stupid, but she makes it look so easy and "naturally"


Yes, because she's a grown up who acts like one.

Let's look at this.....

You don't have a job.
You expect her to support you financially.
You let her do all he house work, even things like wash your clothing, cook for you, etc.
Why do you think that any woman would want to be with a guy who is like this?


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Yes, because she's a grown up who acts like one.
> 
> Let's look at this.....
> 
> ...


She doesn't support me financially, we have separate bank accounts. But you right i was taking too much advantage of her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EntitledH said:


> She doesn't support me financially, we have separate bank accounts. But you right i was taking too much advantage of her.


Do you have a job? You never answered that question.

Yes you have been taking advantage of her. You know that now. So what are you going to do about that?

What did you do today for her?
What did you do today around the house? (When you do chores around the house it's not you doing things 'for her'. It's your house. It's your responsibility every bit as much as it is hers.)


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

EntitledH said:


> She now work from home because COVID-19, i do not work right now, no.


Did you have a job prior to the COVID-19 outbreak? If so, what did you do?


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## EntitledH (Apr 25, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> Did you have a job prior to the COVID-19 outbreak? If so, what did you do?


My own business for 10 years, and than coop from my second degree.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EntitledH said:


> My own business for 10 years, and than coop from my second degree.


Do you run your business from your home (which is your MIL's home? right? )?

What percentage of your joint income do you earn? Do you pay at least half of all the bills?

Just trying to figure out what's going on.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Okay, so you had a business. How long ago did you close your business? I'm a little confused. I don't understand what "coop from my second degree" means. It sounds like English is your second language. I'd appreciate it if you could clarify.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

EntitledH said:


> Because i am lazy, i should always look for more work, and push my self every day?
> 
> Thanks


You might want to organize yourself so you know when you need to work and when you can relax. And even what you're going to do with your downtime to make it more productive. For example, watching reality TV is not productive use of your downtime, but watching TED talks or something might be. 

I highly recommend the book 'Getting Things Done' by David Allen. It's how I organize myself with work, home, and even my relationship goals with my wife and family. 

Assuming you're American, it's something like $12 on Kindle or $10 or so for paperback. There's lots of online resources/support as well.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Don’t worry, you will get use to doing everything by yourself since you will be living on your own.


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