# Sex after EA.



## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

So I have to imagine having sex right after finding out your spouse has been having an EA would be dificult. But I was just wondering how long it took some of you to start again, if ever? And how was it? 

I'm deployed and found out a month ago that my wife has been having an EA. They only kissed once so its not like anything psyical between my wife and me has been tainted by the thought of her being with another man. Of course it has crossed my mind but I am 95% certain that nothing else happened. 

I get back in 4 months and needless to say I will have some needs to take care of and I know my wife will as well. My main issues is that I'm worried it will be too diferent to really enjoy it.. or that maybe she just wont be interested at all. Our sex life was always great right up until the day I left. But it will be hard to get home after this deployment and not get anything.

Just a thought I had and wanted to get some opinions.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

You already had sex with her when the EA was on going.
You didn't know about EA at that moment but sex was great.
So she loved sex with you just the same when her EA was on going.
I don't think it makes huge differences to her. 
The only difference is now she's under pressure because you have found out her EA.


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

No there was no EA going on while I was still home. She became friends with the guy after I deployed and things progressed from there. Everything was great before I left but of course now she is saying she has been unhappy for while.. but I guess thats to be expected. 

Mainly I wanted to know how and EA has effected your sex life with your spouse at various stages of recovery.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Depends on how big deal you view the EA of your wife.
My husband considered my EA an unreal imagination. He appreciated me telling him my emotional troubles, and he tried to help me get rid of EA and the OM by giving lots of loving support. He didn't push or set any rules because of jealousy, but gave me lots of attention in bed and out of bed.
Now I only love my husband. My sexual life couldn't be better with him. 
I'm grateful that he showed me lots of love, trust and support. Thus, I don't need to seek the OM for my emotional needs anymore.
So it's really depending on the loyal spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mommy2 (Oct 27, 2009)

Everyone is different. My H had an EA/PA that lasted for several weeks. I found out on a sunday morning - we had sex that night. Yes, it sounds just as crazy typing it but I realized that day that I loved my H and I wanted my marriage to work. He agreed that he wanted to try and make it work and broke off all contact that day. 

But for me, I needed to show my H how much I loved him and how great it was with me and that he didn't need her. (we had grown apart, lost itimacy and our sex life was non existent) There were alot of tears on my part and alot of guilt on his, but we've never looked back. In fact, I believe we had sex over 14 times that first week.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

I kept our sex life separate and apart from her "other business." Our sex life was alway good and not a "reason" for her affair or "indescressions". I am confident in my performance and she's never given me a reason to doubt that. I also believe that what she did with "them" was f'd up and not love. I make love to her. It's different.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Mustang,
First, thanks for your service and go Air force. By bro is a big guy running a base somewhere in midwest.

Anyway back to your question. For me and my cheating wife, I found that I was in compition when it came to OM so we had sex in about 24hours after I confronted her. I made it count, lets say, I made sure I had my game on. 

What I mean is I felt I could to better then any other guy she was with. She wasn't a virgin when I met her and I figured its just sex and there was the fact that heres one reason you want to stay and be with us (the family).

So after a long f*ck we laid in bed and that when the itamicy (i can't spell for sh*t) started, we talked about what we once had and what was to become of the marriage and just some really close and open billow talk, Then we didit again this time it was love making and alot closer and after wards we talked again.

I guess my point was I felt we needed to reconnect and we always enjoyed sex, it was the lack of kissing that she was looking for. So I really didn't think about the....dirtyness of her being with other guys or how she was connected to some other guys. It was compition a challenge... "I can be a better lover then an swinging d*ck you've picked up in a bar". I've gotten to know what buttons she needs pushed in the last 19 years of marriage.

As each case has different issues with regard to how, what, and why the spouse cheated and how they reconciled, but for me it was easy she never really had any connection to leave me for a guy that would sleep with a married women. Basically she was waiting for me to start caring about her. I dissmissed her for years. I didn't have the issue of my wife going back to the OM or the "I need time" crap.

It just popped, I confronted her and she was all about fixing our bad marriage. So in my case it was easy to be intimit..... be close with her. For some reason I didn't have an emotional wall that prevented me from reconnecting with my wife. It was the oppisite I had to prove that I was a good lover and if she screw up again for any reason you will lose a great guy who know how to go down, if you know what I mean.

Good luck and you will find alot of different perspective with reconnecting with your cheating wife. Most you will find are in the groupe of struggling to be close to there DS. Theres that hang-up with the spouse being with another guy that makes it hard for most. For me I wasn't going to stop that from reconnecting with my wife.


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## moeman (Aug 12, 2010)

In my case, even during the most heated discussions the sex was not affected that much. Perhaps she thought that by doing that we'll be back to normal again. Of course that didn't happen because the dark thoughts didn't let me. Now after six month the sex is still on track but the dark thoughts continue to tickle me during sex: what if she's thinking (fantasize) of the OM.

M.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

moeman, Thats when you force that dark thought and refocus on the fun that your having right then in there.

Granted I too have those dark thought but I refuse to live my life that way, its just one of my new boundries that I have.

Infidelity is such a mess that one has no choice but to be positive and maintain some sense of sanity, or this crap will eat us up.

Look at Mustang, last week he wanted to off him self, now he's talking about sex. Thats a good thing/positive approach.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

the guy said:


> moeman, Thats when you force that dark thought and refocus on the fun that your having right then in there.
> 
> Granted I too have those dark thought but I refuse to live my life that way, its just one of my new boundries that I have.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the positive spin. I need to tell myself to push the dark thoughts away. 

OP, if you are one who can separate the sex from the emotional turmoil, it will be great. Our sex life never really suffered from H's EA.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Mustang, I think that you already know that an affair is seldom about sex. Sex is more a side benefit of the EA. Since your wife has not had sex with the OM, I think that she will be into it with you 100%.
As for you, check out Athol Kay's site (married mansexlife.com) and read about sperm competition. I have a feeling that you are going to show your wife such a good time that you will have no doubts about who is going to satisfy her.
When my W had an EA/PA, I was dynamite in bed (according to her). I mean I put on my best game and turned her into a puddle of warm jello. I was bound and determined to let her know that sexually at least, I was the best lover she had ever been with.
Of course, that didn't solve our problem, but after we did work things out, she told me that she needed that kind of action from me regularly and I work hard to provide it. Also, once the romance, understanding, honesty, and love return to the relationship, those type of mind blowing love making sessions have become normal for us and it is terrific.

You can do it.


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