# Husband cheat on me, always insulting me.



## niya (Feb 14, 2014)

hi. 
i know this is really long but i dont have anywhere else to go to so i am just going to write it all out here.

my family background is originally indian. i grew up in india but of course learned english as well as a second language. at 22 i had an arranged marriage. it was not a forced marriage. my parents introduced me to my current husband and told me all about him and asked me if i was intersted. i was so i went ahead. we dated for some time like 4 months and then we were married in india. he is of indian origin too but born and raised in canada.


this was my first ever relationship and he also told me the same. then we lived in india for sometime and i was really happy. this was the best thing ever to happen to me. we had a daughter also in india. then he wanted to come back to canada so we all moved here. 

now we moved here and the problems began, i can speak and write and talk everything in english but my accent is not really good. it used to bother me a bit but my husband said it was fine. i was happy too here in canada. he was the one working and i was a stay at home mom to my daughter and homemaker. everything was good and then we had another daughter. after this it all went downhill.  he started to blame me for having another daughter ????? it was never in my control!! he began to yell at me and say he wanted a son  i would cry at him blaming me for this.

things were normal again in some time and it was okay again. i was still holding a grudge and how he got angry at me for having a another girl but i never said anything again. so now i got busy in a routine taking care my children. take them to school come back, do house stuff then go to pick them up, cook lunch then take younger daughter to her playgroup thing come back cook dinner. it was like this for quite some time and everything was fine i was happy. i didnt make many friends really. only aquaintances. i would always have a cultural barrier or language barrier in between. the only time i would go out the house was to grocery and drop children off to school or playgroup or anything and then pick them up.

then one day we were at grocery store my husband was with me and he wandered off. i thought maybe he wnt to look for something but then i saw him he was talkin to some girl and hugging her. i didnt say anything and acted like i didnt see. we were at home he was in the garrage so i sadly tried to unlock his phone. i knew his code so i could got in. then i saw that he was texting this girl and this was his exgirlfriend he told me he had never been in a relationship before? Also i saw that he had spent time with her when he would tell me he was at work. i was devastated and started to cry not knowing what to do i ended up calling my mother who was back in india.i told her everything what was happening. my mom told everyone else and soon my husband found out too. he was angry at me and we argued alot! 

i told him to stop this we are married couple what do i not do for him that he has to go outside our marriage?? I cook clean look after our daughters, i have raised them with good values and i try and speak english with them so they never have trouble outside like i do!! i always tell him if i spent any money on anything at all, always keep him upto date with everything while hes lying to me like this. he never apologized about anything or about lying to me in the past but everything seemed normal for a month so i left it but still constantly checked his phone secretly because i was really scared. if u are thinking that he doesnt find me attractive or anything anymore then i dont think thats true because i have always worked out at home too we have a small gym type thing and i always try to look my best i can infront of him. so why does he have to look for other women?? i try to go along with whatever he wants in the bedroom and never complain to him about anything.

but now he caught me snooping through his phone and got angry at me again. i told him i couldnt trust him because he lied about such a huge thing. he said i was making a big deal out of nothing and just stopped talking to me about this topic. now when i made dinner we were all at the table i tried to make a new dish and it was good my daughter liked it but my husband started complaining and insulting me. now he has been like this for months. anything i do he just insults me and never respects me. even infront of our kids he does this i fear they will grow up and not respect me.

i told him maybe u dont respect me because i am just a housewife so maybe i should get a job or something as well and i will do the housewife stuff as well. he started to make fun of me infront of my daughters saying how i couldnt talk to even the cashier at the grocery store then how wil i do a job.   sad part is that my daughetrs also agreed with him  i feel like an outsider. he is always the fun dad with the children while i run around them getting them to do things like homework and stuff. i told him not to say such stuff in front of our kids and he got angry saying if i can snoop through his phone then he can do anything as well. i started to cry and told him that he was looking at other women and meeting with them what else was i supposed to do?????! why is he doing this. i told him i want to just go back to india and he said no u wont come back. i told him i will if there was a reason to. i am an outsider in this family, my kids no longer respect me because of him. he will take them out to ice cream and stuff without me ever knowing. i find out days later. 

now i just dont know what to do. i am crying all the time as well as right now. he is always like this rude to me. before he used to be so nice i dont know what i ever did to make him do this to me. 

what shall i do? i have talked to my mother already and i have told her i wnt to come back as i cant settle here. but my husband wont let my daughters come with me and i dont want to leave with out them. wht to do  my mom told me divorce was not an option as in arrnanged marriage most families know each other well and she said that family ties would be severed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## raging_pain (Dec 8, 2012)

i'm so sorry to hear of your plight. know that you are not alone in the world, and consider this: if the custom of an arranged marriage is what got you in to this situation, then the custom of _not_ getting a divorce may not be a wise choice.

ultimately, your mother will understand that you had to do whatever you decide to do. she may be angry because of the fallout between the two families, but she is still _your_ family and will side with you.


which would be better? staying in an abusive relationship, or changing/leaving the abusive relationship and setting a good example for your children?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

This is my favorite person from India. He was one of my professors in Grad school, Dr. Ravi Zacharias. He immigrated with his family from India to Canada. He is a brilliant scholar and speaker. 

“Love is as much a question of the will as it is of the emotion. And if you WILL to love somebody, you can.”

(That quote was actually given by Ravi’s brother, who was explaining this principle to Ravi on how he learned to love his wife after he entered into a marriage that was arranged by his parents, in accordance with Indian culture. It’s a very difficult principle for us to consider — especially when we live in cultures where the feeling of love is idolized as it is. If the “feeling” isn’t there, then many people will either substitute one partner for another —someone who creates this feeling for them again — whether temporarily or whatever… or they will put something else in its place. )

Stay as strong as you can my friend. I have had several Doctors treat me who came from India. Your English will improve over time and don't let your husband get the best of you. You come from a great country and have a great heritage. 

What is your husband's religious views?


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## niya (Feb 14, 2014)

i am just so scared of divorce as well. where will i go? what about my daughters? where will i live? how will i earn? so many questions just cant stop thinking about these. 

my husband when we met he didnt drink smoke or anything and he told me had never been in relationship before he met me. this is what i really liked about him i wanted a good guy to marry. he told me he was moderately religious. or did he just act all the time? now i just question everything he does. he lied about having a girlfriend and a few other girls also before we met <( this ws really important to me . he just acted like the perfect guy and i fell for it. now im so head over heels in love with him and i just want to forget it all and forgive him if he fixes everything but he wont do that either. hes insulting me all te time. when i said to him i can do a job on the side maybe he doesnt respect the role of the housewife but he just laughed saying i couldnt survive outside if i cant even talk to the cashier at a grocery store or order a simple cofee. this made me so sad but its also true i have always had such a reserved life nw i just dont know what to do. i just feel like an outsider. my daughters love my husband more than me probably because he never disciplines them and buys them everything. i have told him not to do this and they need to earn it he never listens to me saying what do u know about it u couldnt even give me a son. how is that my fault???? its nature selection not my fault.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Ask your mom if slow death is an option because that's what she's asking you to do. Are you a canadian citizen now? Someone from TAM would surely help you out. Till then, talk with your family, his family, everyone you know in India and tell them this is happening. How long has this been going on?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You are not 'just' a housewife. Never denigrate yourself like that.

You are a precious flower!:smthumbup:


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Regardless what may happen with your marriage try your best to self improvement. 
Learning english fall into this, trying your best to be self-sufficient, independent should be your goal from now on.


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