# New here, looking for understanding.



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

Hello. I am new here and I am looking for support and understanding. I am getting ready to go threw the challenge of a life time. My Hubby and I are about to begin a 30 day trial separation. We have had many challenges over the years. I have been married to him for 20 years and 15 of those years have been spent with spousal abuse. With the help of a wonderful Therapist and a trusted mentor, I think this will be a great opportunity. 

I am writing here because ..... I am new and don;t know really where to start. I am also writing here because I am going to be in need of emotional support and prayers in the weeks to come.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Welcome. You will get great advice here. 

Is the abuse verbal or physical?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Separations of any duration are not a good indicator for much, if any hope for reconciliation. Your therapist should have, no doubt, shared that with you by now!

Work with your therapist and keep us informed of any new developments! Meanwhile, you will continue to remain in our prayers!
Sorry to see you here at TAM, but it's a great place to come to when you're going through troubles like these!*


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

It is or has been verbal and emotional abuse. He was very controlling, and since T the control has greatly lessened. Not disappeared but greatly lessened. He used to monitor the amount of electricity we used, he used to he checked up on me all the time, he would argue with me and stand over me and talk down to me, he would invade my personal space, he would block the doorway so I would have to ask him to move so I could get past him,he would bump into me by "accident", or stand in my way knowing I needed to be where he was. 

Since we have been in marriage counseling things have improved greatly. I am not nearly as afraid of him as I once was. The T we have has been a huge help in curbing these behaviors. 

At this point my H says he will do better and he does for a few weeks even a month or two. But then he slowly reverts back to his old ways. I get tired of going back and forth mentally. So this is an effort to show him how lucky he is and what I do for him. It might even be for me to see what it is going to be like if we do divorce. (lonesomeness, financial hardship, single parent of 3 kids, and so on)
It is a well stated fact by our T that we both may not want to get back together. We or one of us might like being with out he other. But if she can help us sort threw these issues while we are in her care divorce might can be avoided. MAYBE.

My H also has some issues which he brings to the table. HE has OCD and possibly aspurgers. I defiantly have issues. I have 
ADD, PTSD and have been raped. So there are numerous issues to go around.


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