# Help I just ruined my life!!



## Noel77 (Apr 18, 2012)

Eight months ago I married my boyfriend of two yrs. 3 months later we had to move in with his mom, his truck was repoed, I got pregnant. All hell broke loose. Im always helping him out and here we are about to have a baby, one car, and no savings, one income. He doesnt pay his mom rent or bills. Im so ashamed. I love him but Im miserable and feel I could do better if we split.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I'm confused... who's working, you or him?


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## gardensparrow (Mar 19, 2012)

Oh, what a tough situation! I'm sure this wasn't how you pictured your marriage starting out, and it's rough when our expectations meet reality. And, I think a lot of newlyweds can relate to that feeling. But, it does seem like you've been faced with a lot of issues all at once (Congratulations on your pregnancy, by the way!).

As far as advice goes, have you brought any of your concerns up with your husband? How has he responded? If he's not been real open with you, perhaps you could look into a counselor or talking with a pastor if that's an option. I know counseling can be expensive, but you can get a little free advice from the counselors at Focus on the Family.

Also, regarding the financial issues you've been facing, I've heard of an organization called Crown Financial Ministries that offers free help in getting out of debt and learning to budget. You can find more information about the services here. So, that might be an option as well.

Hang in there friend! You'll be in my prayers...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Noel77 said:


> I love him but Im miserable and feel I could do better if we split.


Well yeah that makes sense, single motherhood is a breeze.

Sarcasm aside, it seems the only resource y`all have at the moment is a direct result of your husband (His moms house).

Are you working?
Is he?

I`d pass on the James Dobson drivel being spammed above me.


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## Roma (Apr 18, 2012)

well what kind of a person was he before marriage? is this just a bad phase was he always finding things difficult? is he a hard working individual or a lazy sod? If it's just a phase then try to be supportive and be patient with your husband but if he has always been this way then sorry if it sounds cold but you kinda knew what your were getting yourself into


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Okay, your past the point of leaving immediately. You have to first try to see if you can work things out. 

Read John Gray's Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. You have to work on changing the situation, at least understanding it, and you want to be as effective as possible. 

Use a compliment sandwich before saying anything that is remotely critical. Remember you are working on getting things accomplished, not just ventilating your frustration. Hearing women complain and talk about unhappy they are is one of the most frustrating things for men. Once that starts, many men turn off the rest of what is said. Talk about specific things you want done, be constructive.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Unplanned things come up,not just in marriage but in life in general.As a newly married couple maybe you need to open the lines of communication in a better way.Not knowing your husband I can only assume that these things have also affected him as much as you.If he is a decent man then I'm sure he never wanted any of this for you,but sometimes life throws us curve balls.You shouldn't feel ashamed,as families do support one another through the thick and thin of life.I suspect that your feelings are also being affected by your pregnancy.You could try sitting down and having an open,non-confrontational discussion with your husband about how you're feeling.Maybe he's just as concerned as you.Take care.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Your life will be ruined only if you ruin it. Your happiness doesn't depend upon your selection of a guy because it's a daily choice you make. Money comes and money goes. Jobs come and go. You've made a child with this man, so stay or leave, you're forever linked to him. He's "Dad" to your "Mom", he'll be "Grandpa" to your "Grandma". The best outcome would be for you two to make this work, unless he's an axe murderer, child molester, or otherwise just has no potential of redeeming value.


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