# dreams and nightmares about soon to be ex husband



## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

I've been going through divorce for quite some time. have been separated with the soon to be ex husband since dec 2009. He was majorly abusive, had many addictions, and later confessed his infidelity. 

Now, in the last two weeks, I have been having dreams about him. Dreams like last night of his rejecting me emotionally and intimately and physically. This he always did during our 10 year relationship (High school sweethearts and 6 months married). 

A few days before that I dreamt I woke up and he was in bed with me trying to have sex. I looked at him, and he asked, "Was that good?" I said yes, and walked away from him. 

The other dreams about him were his raping me, which finally stopped. And the dreams about his finding and searching for me, also stopped. 

I am writing that I am a bit confused about this. I do long for a safe, healthy, and loving relationship, but I do know I am not ready to date or anything. I am too afraid to have another man come into my life. I have gone through therapy, both conventional and pastoral from my church. I have been trying hard to connect with church members in a biblical group friday nights, but it's just too hard for me to connect with everyone both emotionally and schedule wise. I work full time M-F, typically 8-4, and about an hour's commute both ways, so by the time I get home, I'm very exhausted. M and W are filled with picking up my youngest sibling from school. and T and TR are filled with helping my parent in her computer class. Saturdays, I attend school so that I may higher my degree and Sundays I usually leave for sleeping in, cleaning, and whatever time is left is for helping my family. Mentally and sometimes, emotionally it is all so very draining, especially with a small family support system. 

Anyhow, I was posting to write down my concerns, the hope to connect, again. I try so hard with God, but sometimes I have felt it is easier with people, lately. I just feel like I am going through a hard trial of feeling whole again as an individual person and within myself.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

First, finalize your divorce. No doubt that is having an affect on you, the fact that you're still going through the very hard process of a divorce. 

The dreams are probably an extension of all the hurt feelings you have.

Don't date right now. You need time to heal. Get to know yourself again. Work on yourself. Try to find out why you stayed with an abusive man.

Get tested for STDs if you hadn't already.


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## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

Thank you Jellybeans. I tested myself twice, last year july 2010, then again january 2011; all negative, but i still have to do my pap smear with obgyn and will do one more labwork/test to make sure no virus/disease developed. it is so scary how people can sometimes not be responsible for one another.


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