# question regarding filing



## fertileground (Sep 22, 2012)

Hi all,
Are there advantages or disadvantages to being the person to file first in a divorce? My husband and I have been separated for about a year. Feels like living in limbo, ok it is living in limbo.
Sadly, it doesn't look like we will be getting back together. No plans have been made yet, but I was wondering about divorce. Is it better to file or to ask your STBX file?:scratchhead: Are there advantages or disadvantages? By the way, I am in Massachusetts.


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

I dont know if there are advantages. Im in same situation. Only thing is Im waiting for him to file because I cant afford to file. The lawyer wants $1250 for the divorce and $750 for custody. He did say we both can pay half but he would only represent one person. Now in my state we dont have to show in court. We can jst sign an affidavit and the lawyer will file it all. So fir me the advantage is that I wont have to pay.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I don't think it matters.

The advantage for you filing is getting out of limbo.


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## pepsi1967 (Aug 15, 2013)

here is my experience. some states you can do it yourself. call legal aid or family court. easy if you don't have kids. If you are economically disadvantaged, it's free. Again different rules for certain states. also you can do a divorce in another state, you may need to be a resident of that state for 6 months before filing. don't sit in limbo over a piece of paper. If money is the problem, but aside till your ready. if custody, property, 401k or alimony or separation maintenance is a factor, GET A LAWYER. research and take your time. divorce can take you to hell and back. good luck. Remember each state is different check with your own.


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## wtf2012 (Oct 22, 2012)

It absolutely matters in some areas of the country if it may be contested. If I had filed first, it would have easily saved me thousands of dollars, stress, and heartache.

In my county, you can judge shop. My STBXW cried in therapy about not breaking up our family, causing the therapist to take her side and tell me I should wait so I would not regret it. I wanted to file because she wouldn't stop seeing her boyfriend, and good old door mat me was working 3 jobs living in a vacant house to support her as a SAHM. 

This delay gave my STBXW time to lawyer up and secretly file (served me at work). She knew the ONLY thing I cared about was being more than a weekend dad, so she picked the only judge in our county who doesn't default 50/50. It has been an uphill battle ever since.

If you can try to consult a lawyer to find out about your county/city/whatever.


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## fertileground (Sep 22, 2012)

Thank you guys! I really appreciate your comments. You all mention how hellish the divorce process is. I would say the separation has been awful. So, what exactly makes the divorce process even worse?


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