# Dread to see husband after infidelity



## squeeky (Jun 22, 2012)

Husband arrived home today after spending a week with x. Its going to be so hard to face him. I know he wants separation. He wants to keep in contact with x and does not want to work on our marriage so we need to make plans to live apart. I dont even want to go home because he will be there and I will have to face the situation. It really is going to happen. Deep in my brain I know it is for the best, but so hard to let go and move on. Please give me the strength to be strong and not cry and act out. I don't want to make a fool of myself but I feel like I could fall apart. I can do this and it is the start of a new chapter in my life!!!!


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

A man who does not return to the marriage is a cheater. An unreformed, lying, selfish cheater. X gets a known cheater. Take comfort it that.

You on the other hand, can grow from this and be a stronger person. You will also realize that you deserve better.

Affairs have something like a 98% chance of failing or some other dismal number. Keep this in mind. Their R is built on lies and deceit and the paranoia will destroy the affair eventually.

X did not win. She got the booby prize and it's gonna turn on her someday. Women who involve themselves with married men are desperate. Intelligent, emotionally healthy women do not date MM because they don't want the drama and the dysfunction. Unstable people are drawn to drama and angst.


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## squeeky (Jun 22, 2012)

very well stated 
It really puts a better perspective on this for me
My deepest thanks

here I go


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Hang in there. Dig deep. Let us know how it goes. We are here to support you.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Good luck honey.
I have been in your situation and it's so hard. Despite what H had done to me I still wAnted to reach out to him and hold him. I missed him desperately.
But you will get through this.
Put your big girls panties on and show him how strong you are, then when he's gone have a big glass of wine and let it all out.
Hugs to you
Xxp
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Well mam i wish you the best. I think it would be a good idea to file and give him the papers at this point. I would do the 180 at this point. It is time for you to recapture your life. To open yourself up to new horizons. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope you discover whatever it is that makes you happy. I know you miss your old life and that will fade in time. It is the beginning of the end. However it is the beginning of a new chapter in your life. One you can write and start over. Your H has no ties to you anymore and since you stayed faithful you get to leave with out that baggage in your next relationship and there will be a next one.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

You can do this...it will be hard but you can do it.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Hold your head up high and get your chin up, you're not the one who stepped out and you're not competing with somebody here. Give him the cold shoulder and keep your emotions in check, whenever you feel like things are going to blow up just get up and walk away


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

You ok Squeek?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Zanna said:


> You can do this...it will be hard but you can do it.


Very hard....I went through about the same thing. Took me a little while to get over some things, but I did.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I'm going through this right now. I have 2 more days at the house before I move out. It is agonizing. I don't want to be home b/c when I am there I am so anxious - can't eat, sleep, heart races, crying all the time. When I am away, things are so much better. Its like just being around him hurts me so much.

Hang in there!!! Its going to be very hard but the sooner you can get your own space and have some time with your thoughts the better. You don't need to waste energy on someone who is not willing to fight for or protect the marriage.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Zanna said:


> A man who does not return to the marriage is a cheater. An unreformed, lying, selfish cheater. X gets a known cheater. Take comfort it that.
> 
> You on the other hand, can grow from this and be a stronger person. You will also realize that you deserve better.
> 
> ...


Could not have said it better

:iagree:


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I really don't think you at this point have that much reasons to be so sad. You dodged a bullet there. That other woman gets a cheater for a partner and you're free to find a real man that actually knows what he wants. You win in every single aspect. Please be happy


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## squeeky (Jun 22, 2012)

Do you know how wonderful it was today to have all these responses. I am so blessed to have found you all in my life right now? 
My evening was so difficult last night. he was home all day since he just retired and I worked. I came home we had dinner as if nothing was wrong. I was going to put our daughter to bed and she wanted her daddy too so We were all heading to her bed to say good night and a text from the OW came ringing through the house and it was all I could do to keep my head on stright. As I passed him in the hall I said you need to get your own place and not be with this family. He went in to our daughters bed and watched TV with her She asked me to come in and I had to tell her mommy needed a time out right now. 
I do love him with all my heart but I deserved to be loved in return and not have his OW in my face. Daughter came out and asked me again to come and cuddle with her and I could not deny her and we went to another room and she fell asleep in my arms.
I went to Ken and told him we had to work this out for our daughters sake. As we were talking three more texts rang through. I asked him to turn his phone off. He said I don't try and understand how he feels and fly off. I told him it hurts and that is why I get angry. I told him that I have a better life than many people, A good job, a beautiful daughter and don't need to be married. I choose to be married and share my life but did not choose to have another women in that marriage. You need to make the choice if you want to be in our marriage or not. What will make you happy ? He asks. All I want is to be loved and I don't feel that right now. I need to make myself happy. I just want to know if you want to work on our marriage or do you want out? He says he wants to be two people.
I truely believe he wants me to throw him out and let our daughter believe I am the bad guy here?
He needs to make a decission for himself. My plan tonight is if he has not moved out, I will ask him to take up residance in the spare room until I can get the legal paperwork for a separation.

I felt like a have a team to hear me and listen to me when I came to the chat this morning Thank you all for being there!!!!
Needless to say another sleepless night. I just worry for my daughter. I hope I can hold it together.


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## squeeky (Jun 22, 2012)

Well husband is still undecided and you can cut the tension in the house with a knife. How is the best way to find a good lawyer? I really believe he is not going to do anything until he has too? I keep saying I dont want to loose him but indeed I already have. I need to make plans and it is so hard when one of us is not willing to cooperate. I will do a lawyer search but I really want to do this right? I quess I can ask around but its so embarrassing to let friends know I kinda feel a bit like a failure. I know this is not true but its in the back of my mind.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, Squeeky. I know, it's hard, but it gets easier.

Is your town big enough to have yelp? They have really good customer based reviews on everything, including lawyers. Yelp.com.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

squeeky said:


> Well husband is still undecided and you can cut the tension in the house with a knife. How is the best way to find a good lawyer? I really believe he is not going to do anything until he has too? I keep saying I dont want to loose him but indeed I already have. I need to make plans and it is so hard when one of us is not willing to cooperate. I will do a lawyer search but I really want to do this right? I quess I can ask around but its so embarrassing to let friends know I kinda feel a bit like a failure. I know this is not true but its in the back of my mind.


Forget feeling bad. He is walking all over you! Don't live in limbo with him. He is getting texts from the OW and you reward him by telling him he still has an option of being with you? This is not going to work for you, I fear.

Buck up and tell him to move out! If he refuses, then move yourself out. You don't need him financially? Think about this. You do your daughter no favors tolerating his disrespect. MAKE THE DECISION FOR HIM. File.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

LostWifeCrushed said:


> Forget feeling bad. He is walking all over you! Don't live in limbo with him. He is getting texts from the OW and you reward him by telling him he still has an option of being with you? This is not going to work for you, I fear.
> 
> Buck up and tell him to move out! If he refuses, then move yourself out. You don't need him financially? Think about this. You do your daughter no favors tolerating his disrespect. MAKE THE DECISION FOR HIM. File.


This will either save your marriage b/c he will WAKE THE HELL UP or you will see he doesnt give a good sh*t and you have definately made the right decision.

So so sorry for you to be here. It will get better. Be a strong woman for your daughter.


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## squeeky (Jun 22, 2012)

well I got what I asked for Husband is finally moving out. Hes ready for a divorce so he can move to California and be with OW. He talked to daughter and said don't tell mommy we need to go our own ways. I have a destiny with OW and mom has hers and you have yours. Then he said if it is ok with mom you can move out to CA with me? How devastated I was. He told OW what a wonderful talk he had with her? Well I guess it really is off to the lawyer for me. I hope I don't loose my daughter as well? I know she needs her daddy but It would break my heart if she were to move out there?


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