# Need opinion and perspective



## Indiana/Man

Hi, Everyone. I’m new to the forum. I will apologize in advance for this being long and for any wrong grammar. I will try to get to the point.

I have been married for 4 yrs to my wife who has two kids .I’m going to skip ahead to the current problems and if anything else from the past is asked or neeed I will add just because I have said I forgive the past and to bring it in may not be breaking my word .in March one of my wife’s childhood friends reached out to her on Facebook then next thing I know they are talking like to late at night non stop it was like two people in a new relationship I didn’t say anything at first because I thought it was me letting her history with this girl affect my opinion. What I mean is that my wife told me some yrs back that this girl was not in to guys and that they had had sex one time and that the girl was not in to mean and my wife said this only happened one time and she thinks she was just curious and it was a young stupid thing that she done , ok I understand being young and making different decision no big deal .then I see that the conversation has gone to installing Snapchat and talking to this girl on it . This was starting to bother me because after the kids are in bed I look at that time as our time well they are like talking to 1Am leaving voice clips etc I’m steal trying not to say or let it upset me but it did so I told her it bother’s me and one reason it did because she ask me in the beginning of our relationship to for us not to be talking to ex girlfriend boyfriends without talking to each other first I agreed and I know that it was a girl but you still had sex with her and I wish you would have gave me the respect to talk or ask if I would have any problems with it but I let it go well this rocks on she says I’m crazy that she is trying to help her because she is on drugs and she needs to get off of them before she hearts herself that she trying to help her. I let it go it rock s then one night she goes to carry her two kids to there dads moms and she kiss me said she would be back , well she was MIA for 24 hrs no call and no answer I was worried when she did come home at 1pm the next day I didn’t say a word she came in went to bed she getsup tells me that she just hung out with this girl and her sister at there house. Drinking and couldn’tdrive home and that she felt she could not tell me I would not understand she needed a girls night ok let me say that she never talked about anything like this before and she goes anddoes stuff with her granny family as I watch the kids so it’s not like she doesn’t go anddo stuff but I was upset but I let it go . It rocks on for weeks I geat to work one morning and she calls out the blue and says she needs space not to come home . So I say ok I have a trailer at my job it’s a family business and. A 60 mil one way drive so I have notstayed there in a yr.

I stayed there for 3 days and at first no msg she would not respond to my msg or calls and win she did respond it would be a one liner in 10hrs my gut said that she was around someone that didn’t want her talking to me and she was doing it and I find out that she had that girl staying with her sleeping in our bed but it was just Friends not sex she even swore I was saying that because i new what happened in the past with them .So I decide to move out and was gone about two weeks and get a call fromherto please come over so I did she apologize tells me she love me etc I move back in and I find a note from this girl talking about how she will protect her she loves her please send nude pic .!? Well she tells me the girl left it there knowing I would find it etc. well I don’t believe any of it I tell her honesty is everything and I will give her time to think and make sure what she wants I go back to my trailer to process all this I stay gone like 3 weeks and she calls crying asking me to please come talk so I do she still says it was not like that and she not going to be friends with the girl and she loves me and miss me I tell her we can table theconversation for the min. But I need the truth I’m notgoingto start out on lies building a relationship she says that the girl doesn’t want to get off drugs and she was trying to help her and that may be true but I still think that’s more going on .I move back in and I don’t want togo in to everything that’s been going on with her ex husband that much because it would be so long She was abused in a relationship at the age of 14 with a 21 yr old had two kids . That relationship ended 5yrs ago he was in jail until like a yr ago and he is with someone but it’s been like all her Gn post are about thaf relationship or geared towards that relationship I have not said anything because it looks petty but when he got in a relationship I think she didn’t like him moving on or somethingI’m not sure butshe decided to let him start getting the kids and I’m not getting in that it’s not myplace. But I feel that it wasjust about her not thekids like he was using them totalk to her because there was a orderin place that no contact she ask him to get a hair follicle and he did it was clear so she started letting him get the kids but keep in mind he knocked her teeth out and when he was inprison he worked out so when he text her about the kids he ask do you want to see a pic she says yes he takes his shirt off and sendsit she says wow better then when you was 21I mean that bothers me but I let it go well this rocks on and 4 weeks ago she goes to take him thekids another mia 24 hrs she says it was a run around trying to get kids to him etc and says she sorry goes in to this long Thing about he wasdrunk so she got him and the kids to his moms that she would never have anything to do with him that I don’t trust her and keep in mind all this time when she carries the kids she doesn’t want me to go afraid I will sayor do something and she trying to co parent for the kids but after this mia it’syou can go with me if I ever let him see the kids again andI find out apparently that his girlfriendis kicking him out something to do with that night and he blocked the kids and is back with his girlfriend so something is more then I’m being told . My biggest question is why does she tell me she loves me if she don’t why not let me move on and at night when we lay down she wants me to hold her and it feels so real she use to talk to me about everything and my concern or stuff that bothers me sheuse to make herconcern I feel like I’m not sure if I new she didn’t love me I could make a decision I do love her but it’s like she wants me here when kids are and when they are gone shegoes doe’s what ever andlately she has been putting a better effort but she doesn’t talk about that night like icnore me when I bring it up and says I’m sorry I promise nothing happened but I looked at her phone records and she called 2 motels that night she doesn’t know I looked or know buthow to proceed I mean give me the truth and let me decide on what I want from there and if you love me why do this . I have made sure those kids have had Christmas etc and they are so disrespectful from going to there dads I know it’s not there fault I bee n there but she want talk to me I told her we would have to set down and discuss it I couldn’t do it tobegin with until I calmed down andprocessed it but I’m ready and she gave me a story that is very vague not like I was here until this time them went to here , I didn’t move my stuff back I just brought some clothes until I can figure it out. I knowshe has some problems from her past


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## Jimi007

Looks like she probably slept with the girl and her x husband...

Have you confronted her ? Wives don't leave for 24hrs at a time without telling there husbands...

What do you think went on is the bigger question ?


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## Anastasia6

Um yeah. She is playing you or at the very least being very disrespectful. Jimi is right wives don't leave for 24 hour stints with no contact. If a normal person runs into problems they text or call their spouse and let them know..... I"m staying at mom's or what have you. It isn't radio silence for 24 hours.

She seems like she keeps trying out the field but certainly wants you who is reliable in the background. But is that how you want to live?


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## InTheDarkness

Something is fishy. First of all the simple fact that she leaves for 24 hours with no contact is an absolute no-no in a marriage.
Imagine doing this to her? Would you do it and why? How would she feel about it?


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## BigDaddyNY

How were you not gone after the first time she went MIA for 24 hours. She is just a cheating ho that will lie and lie and lie.


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## ccpowerslave

InTheDarkness said:


> Something is fishy.


I agree with this. 🐠🐟🎏🍣🐡🎣


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## InTheDarkness

BigDaddyNY said:


> How were you not gone after the first time she went MIA for 24 hours. She is just a cheating ho that will lie and lie and lie.


Love makes you blind, otherwise he wouldn't be seeking advice here. And I think our outside perspective is much clearer than his love-blurred one.


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## Diceplayer

She is a cake eater. She wants her girl toy for sex and you to provide for her and her kids. If it were me, I would have been gone when she went MIA for 24 hours. Save yourself a lot of pain and get out now.


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## Lostinthought61

She is clearly feeding you a line of crap...i would tell her that if she truly has nothing to hide then she will pay for a polygraph, you will come up with the questions and if she passes them then you will talk about recouncilation otherwise you are done with her compaltely


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## Rob_1

I would have been gone after the instance where she disappeared for 24 hrs. You're a fool with his head buried in the sands if you think that she loves you and wants you. She wants what you can provide for her, but you can't see it.

I can see it now...you reading what's being advice to you, and you not being able to handle it, because you just won't dump her. Then again you might be back here sometime in the future with a new title...wife left me for another woman.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Yo Indiana man.....word of advice. Extract yourself quickly form this sham of a marriage. 
she is wanting you for what you can provided and still have her extracurricular activity with ex and girlfriend. She sees you as a dildo with a bank account. This is not love.

she is playing you for a fool. stop the madness.


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## frenchpaddy

Indiana/Man said:


> I let it go it rock s then one night she goes to carry her two kids to there dads moms and she kiss me said she would be back , well she was MIA for
> 24 hrs no call and no answer I was worried when she did come home at 1pm the next day


she was chatting with this drug user then dumps the kids off at their grannies and tells you she is heading off to the drug girl ( ok IF you except that she is soft and wants to help out an old friend and you know her better than us , so is she a softy) 

then she does the same with the ex that drinks and he has kicked her around in the past ,
seems she is easy twisted around by people like she is mother Thresa , and thinks she can fix the world , or she is easy lead , 

the only other thing is she has a soft spot for dead beat and does not mind playing around , 

now you know this woman quite well , why are you not talking about this to her , or are you afraid if you talk to her because of her past she will think you been aggressive and it could end things with you two 

the first time she did her 24h A wall , she came home and went to bed without saying a thing , 
seems like a walk of shame ,

then she goes to second time to the ex 24 h A WALL and calls two motels , where was his girl friend all this time , 
My experience of guys like that is they are good at finding victims and are good at manipulating, 
he seems to be working his stuff on his girlfriend for now but why would your woman let him do anything and put the 2 kids in danger ,
if I read it right that day she had the kids with her , the right thing to do was if he had been drinking take the 2 kids and go home ,

you need to talk but is she the type that will come clean and tell you the truth 
or will she take it as your over reacting and controlling , because if she is the second there is no point in you asking her to do Marriage Counselling as she will lie her way through


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## frenchpaddy

You can all so look on it from the point that she has been Manipulated and knows how to do it ,
she was able phone you when she wanted you back ,
but when both the girl and the ex phoned her she went running to help they or so you are to believe but she did not go to see you to bring you back ,

you have to ask yourself if your just the handy man good to have around and good to help out at paying the bills , just sharing the costs as she is not getting anything from the ex ,


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## Indiana/Man

frenchpaddy said:


> she was chatting with this drug user then dumps the kids off at their grannies and tells you she is heading off to the drug girl ( ok IF you except that she is soft and wants to help out an old friend and you know her better than us , so is she a softy)
> 
> then she does the same with the ex that drinks and he has kicked her around in the past ,
> seems she is easy twisted around by people like she is mother Thresa , and thinks she can fix the world , or she is easy lead ,
> 
> the only other thing is she has a soft spot for dead beat and does not mind playing around ,
> 
> now you know this woman quite well , why are you not talking about this to her , or are you afraid if you talk to her because of her past she will think you been aggressive and it could end things with you two
> 
> the first time she did her 24h A wall , she came home and went to bed without saying a thing ,
> seems like a walk of shame ,
> 
> then she goes to second time to the ex 24 h A WALL and calls two motels , where was his girl friend all this time ,
> My experience of guys like that is they are good at finding victims and are good at manipulating,
> he seems to be working his stuff on his girlfriend for now but why would your woman let him do anything and put the 2 kids in danger ,
> if I read it right that day she had the kids with her , the right thing to do was if he had been drinking take the 2 kids and go home ,
> 
> you need to talk but is she the type that will come clean and tell you the truth
> or will she take it as your over reacting and controlling , because if she is the second there is no point in you asking her to do Marriage Counselling as she will lie her way through


Every time I try to talk about it she acts like I’m trying to start an argument or turns it in to something it’s not and the kids was the reason she said that one wanted to go and that she was trying to follow him to his gf home and he kept making wrong turn or some bs . Keep in mind this is like the 3 rd time he was able to see the kids after a hair follicle drug test and also after this night he blocked the kids her something happened with him and his gf over this because I find it odd she is also acting different like trying very hard to do everything right with us but talk about that night and then I hear his gf found scratching on his back and was going to kick him out supposedly the scratches was from him letting his doilughter shave his back , but for her to starting acting different then him blocked everyone I don’t know and she ask is pushing for divorce and like talking about not letting the m go back when she was putting makeup on telling me not to go afraid I would say something all of a sudden it’s ok if I go etc


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## Indiana/Man

Jimi007 said:


> Looks like she probably slept with the girl and her x husband...
> 
> Have you confronted her ? Wives don't leave for 24hrs at a time without telling there husbands...
> 
> What do you think went on is the bigger question ?


Yes but she gets defensive and says this ids Wes I would never be back with him and I’m just trying to coparent but I still get no info or acts like I’m trying to start an argument


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## Indiana/Man

Jimi007 said:


> Looks like she probably slept with the girl and her x husband...
> 
> Have you confronted her ? Wives don't leave for 24hrs at a time without telling there husbands...
> 
> What do you think went on is the bigger question ?


I already have trust issues and that she tries to to say it’s from my child hood I’m being completely paranoid and I do have trust issues but I also don’t give up I tymry to believe it but my gut keeps telling me something not right that she not being honest with me


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## Indiana/Man

InTheDarkness said:


> Something is fishy. First of all the simple fact that she leaves for 24 hours with no contact is an absolute no-no in a marriage.
> Imagine doing this to her? Would you do it and why? How would she feel about it?


I know that’s how I feel and let me say she message me one time at 8 saying this is a wild goose chase so I tried to call no answeer


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## Indiana/Man

BigDaddyNY said:


> How were you not gone after the first time she went MIA for 24 hours. She is just a cheating ho that will lie and lie and lie.


I did leave and she message me saying how could I walk out on them like that I was. Like wth and she come to my uncles telling me it’s not how it looks and that she needed a girls night that was all l that she couldn’t ask me she new I would not understand so I thought maybe it’s me but then find out the girl slept in the same bed and anything I say she was like you are crazy it’s not like that that one time win she was curious and you that was it and it should not have even happened that they are just friends then I find a note from the girl saying she loves her please send nude pictures and she said that the girl left that knowing I would find it just to mess with me like don’t believe my eyes I will post it and let you read without any names and see what you think


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## Indiana/Man

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Yo Indiana man.....word of advice. Extract yourself quickly form this sham of a marriage.
> she is wanting you for what you can provided and still have her extracurricular activity with ex and girlfriend. She sees you as a dildo with a bank account. This is not love.
> 
> she is playing you for a fool. stop the madness.


How do I get her to be honest with me about it I wish she would just tell me the truth


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## Indiana/Man

Indiana/Man said:


> How do I get her to be honest with me about it I wish she would just tell me the truth


Thank you all for being honest with me


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## Rob_1

Indiana/Man said:


> How do I get her to be honest with me about it I wish she would just tell me the truth



I can't understand why many men in your position become so fixated in trying to get "the truth " when the truth is hitting them in the face with a 4x2, but refuse to see it (fear paralyzes you).

Your inability (fear) to accept that you are nothing but a paycheck to her and her kids is what's keeping you there, full of doubts, and what if not's.

Paralyzed, knowing that if you would have the courage the accept that her behavior is that of a cheater that had little respect for you and is taking you for a fool is sufficient to pack and leave her, but no, you're too afraid. It seems like she's all that you could ever get.

As long as you keep letting your pride, your dignity, being stumped, then you will keep yourself in this situation, suffering from all those doubts, but staying put.

You don't need her to tell you the truth, you already know it. The question is...what are you going to do about it? Anything? Or are you going to keep just sucking your thumb, unable to make a move? That's no way to live dude.


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## Lostinthought61

you married a woman with more red flags then China and you honestly think she will be honest with you, the best recommendation i have for you is to stop pursuing her and her lies and start to act single and tell her you are done with her BS and from now on you will do things for yourself and let her fight for this marriage because you are done.


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## BeyondRepair007

Indiana/Man said:


> How do I get her to be honest with me about it I wish she would just tell me the truth


You may never get to the truth of it. I never did.

Stop caring about it, you already know what the truth is.

Start acting on what you know. Are you fine with an open marriage? Or will you end it.


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## BigDaddyNY

Indiana/Man said:


> Every time I try to talk about it she acts like I’m trying to start an argument or turns it in to something it’s not and the kids was the reason she said that one wanted to go and that she was trying to follow him to his gf home and he kept making wrong turn or some bs . Keep in mind this is like the 3 rd time he was able to see the kids after a hair follicle drug test and also after this night he blocked the kids her something happened with him and his gf over this because I find it odd she is also acting different like trying very hard to do everything right with us but talk about that night and then I hear his gf found scratching on his back and was going to kick him out supposedly the scratches was from him letting his doilughter shave his back , but for her to starting acting different then him blocked everyone I don’t know and she ask is pushing for divorce and like talking about not letting the m go back when she was putting makeup on telling me not to go afraid I would say something all of a sudden it’s ok if I go etc


All you need to remember is everything she says is a lie and an attempt at manipulating you. She is as classic cheater that turns everything into your fault. Like you leaving after she was MIA for 24 hours. That is all your fault


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## ConanHub

Indiana/Man said:


> Every time I try to talk about it she acts like I’m trying to start an argument or turns it in to something it’s not and the kids was the reason she said that one wanted to go and that she was trying to follow him to his gf home and he kept making wrong turn or some bs . Keep in mind this is like the 3 rd time he was able to see the kids after a hair follicle drug test and also after this night he blocked the kids her something happened with him and his gf over this because I find it odd she is also acting different like trying very hard to do everything right with us but talk about that night and then I hear his gf found scratching on his back and was going to kick him out supposedly the scratches was from him letting his doilughter shave his back , but for her to starting acting different then him blocked everyone I don’t know and she ask is pushing for divorce and like talking about not letting the m go back when she was putting makeup on telling me not to go afraid I would say something all of a sudden it’s ok if I go etc


What she is doing is called blame shifting and gaslighting.

Look up the terms my friend. Hell, you could use the whole cheaters handbook so you can read your wife's mind and know everything she will try and say.


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## blackclover3

what truth are you trying to get? you will not get a video of what happened - in fact, even if you show them I video of them fooking she will still deny and blame you for everything happened. 

The facts are - 
1- she slept with another woman in your bed
2- she slept with her ex - possibly more than once - and possible had a threesome 

wake up - smell the roses. you are a guy, come on - you know these things. 

you should you should test yourself for STD


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## Rob_1

blackclover3 said:


> wake up - smell the roses. you are a guy, come on - you know these things.


Do you think he knows???


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## Tdbo

Unfortunately, you are nothing more than the First National Bank to her.
The whole scenario you have outlined is disrespectful to you.
She disappears for 24 hours without any contact?
Don't touch her with a 20' pole. You need an STD test, a Lawyer and a Divorce in that order.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Indiana/Man said:


> How do I get her to be honest with me about it I wish she would just tell me the truth


A cheater is never honest, nor is a narcissist such as your wife. It is about her, not you. Truth from someone like her as you describe is highly unlikely. I feel for you as you are in a very emotionally and stressful period in your life. You have been betrayed and you do not know what to do. Normal. I would advise you to ponder the information offered by those of us who have experienced betrayal.

Your goal should be to get out of this situation you are in and move out of infidelity. I would strongly encourage you to seek counseling to assist. Exercise is wonderful for dealing with this crap. Hit the gym, get a new wardrobe, haircut, and reinvent yourself for the better and move on.

You deserve much better.

PS: Fear is your biggest enemy. Fear Not! Rip off the band aid!


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## Jimi007

@Indiana/Man ...is there an update ?


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