# What to do....



## Snaggle (Mar 23, 2015)

Happily married for 10 years to a wonderful wife. Happy, healthy marriage.

That being said....

There is a girl I will say I don't really "know", but see around and works nearby, and we chit chat occasionally. We know of each other probably 5+ years, and have talked a few times. She is younger (wife and I are late 30s/early 40s). This girl is probably mid-late 20s, not married, not even sure if dating anyone. Something about this girl....drive me crazy in a get nervous butterflies kind of way. Kind of like a crush I guess. Wouldn't be surprised if she knows this. But again...there is something about this girl..... want to get to know her in a way.

I kind of feel bad for thinking/feeling like this, and I would never ever ever cheat on my wife, as we are great to and for each other.

Should I end all talk with this other girl? Should I say it like it is....I'm married but I think you are intriguing (well not saying it like that of course)...?


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Are you serious?


----------



## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Are you serious?


:iagree:

You know what you need to do. Stop being in places this chick is & avoid her at all cost. Cut the $hit already....


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need to stop talking with this girl.

If you continue this, your wife is going to find out and leave you. Cheating is a horrible thing to do.

Put the energy and thoughts into your wife and your marriage. That is where it belongs.

Do you have any children with your wife? If so, how old are they?


----------



## Snaggle (Mar 23, 2015)

I know Ele - and I agree with all replies. We have a 16 yr old girl.

As I said, I could never bring myself to cheat on my wife. I have never cheated on anyone ever.

And I feel bad about this intrigue, 1000% bad about it.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Snaggle said:


> I know Ele - and I agree with all replies. We have a 16 yr old girl.
> 
> As I said, I could never bring myself to cheat on my wife. I have never cheated on anyone ever.
> 
> And I feel bad about this intrigue, 1000% bad about it.


You can demonstrate how much integrity you have by avoiding seeing this girl at every opportunity. OK, so you needed to tell someone about it. You've told us. We get it. Do NOT act on it and make sure you avoid seeing her. Nothing good would ever come of this.


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Some will say you already are cheating on your wife. You better stop this foolishness now, or you'll get caught.


----------



## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

Snaggle-

Feeling bad about it just isn't enough... it's a passive response to not really wanting to give up something that you know (in your gut) is not honoring of your marriage.

I would suggest being active in your love for your wife and that is taking action to avoid this other woman. Stop giving her energy that belongs to your wife.


----------



## Snaggle (Mar 23, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> You can demonstrate how much integrity you have by avoiding seeing this girl at every opportunity. OK, so you _*needed to tell someone about it.*_ You've told us. We get it. Do NOT act on it and make sure you avoid seeing her. Nothing good would ever come of this.


Pretty much sums it up.... and thanks for the replies. And thinking to myself - why does something inside trigger that.

I know that avoiding seeing her is the right thing to do. And it won't be hard to do this.

I'm a child of divorced parents - Dad cheated on Mom when I was quite young (7 or 8).


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Snaggle said:


> Pretty much sums it up.... and thanks for the replies. And thinking to myself - why does something inside trigger that.
> 
> I know that avoiding seeing her is the right thing to do. And it won't be hard to do this.
> 
> I'm a child of divorced parents - Dad cheated on Mom when I was quite young (7 or 8).


So, you're at the point of trying to figure out why this is triggered....GREAT! Figure it out and work that issue out with your wife! .


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Don't play with fire unless you want to get burned! Stop socializing with this woman. Spend your time and energy with your wife.


----------



## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

Snaggle, at some point in our married lives, many of us are going to experience that infatuation with someone besides our spouse. It's important to know that even though the "click" might be strong, it is not unique or special. 

Definitely go no-contact. It is the only safe option. The vast majority of cheaters once said, and believed, "I will never cheat on my spouse." 

The problem is that everything starts in small increments. You already have the very strong attraction, the sense that this girl is different from everyone else. The next stop is to start talking and getting to know each other- and wow, she is just as cool as I thought, even more...then you just spend a little more time together, and it's clear that you really dig each other...then it's on. It is like an addiction. Cut it out early.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening snaggle
I expect that a lot of people who end up cheating started out sure that they would never do it. The human mind has an amazing ability to fool itself into doing what it wants to do.

I'm not going to pass any moral judgments. If you do keep socializing with this woman I think there is a substantial chance you will cheat. Whether or not that is what you want to do is your choice - just be honest with yourself. 




Snaggle said:


> snip
> 
> As I said, I could never bring myself to cheat on my wife. I have never cheated on anyone ever.
> 
> snip


----------



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Snaggle - you are perfectly normal and a normal male. We are not designed to be monogamous. We are designed to spread as many 'wild oats' as possible to ensure the continuation of the species.

You have come across an attractive female that you feel atttacted to. Had you been a lion or a chimpanzee or a human 1000 years ago or even be a Masaai warrior it would be perfectly acceptable for you to go and have sex with her.

However, you are none of these....you are a human male in 2015....you are married and shouldn't be having these thoughts. Its a conflict between your primeval instincts and modern man who is supposed to be monogamous.

Other posters have said you should stop talking to this woman...there is nothing wrong with talking to her or even having the thoughts you are probably having. Its normal.

Today's Western society frowns upon adultery...yet there are many cultures around the world who advocate adultery.

You are an adult...if you continue talking to this woman and having the thoughts you are having you could well end up having sex with her. If that is what you decide to do then you will have to accept, and suffer possible consequences...

You do what you feel is right for YOU....whilst remembering your responsibilities and being prepared to suffer the consequences.


----------



## kennethk (Feb 18, 2014)

Reality check - tell your wife you found someone new and divorce her. Then go explore your new girlfriend(s).

Is that what you want?


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Snaggle said:


> And thinking to myself - *why does something inside trigger that.*


Look, there will always be attractive people who enter our lives. Nothing you can do about _feeling_ physically attracted to someone. I honestly believe much of it boils down to chemistry. Humans experience confusing _feelings_ that are often out of our control.

But you can CERTAINLY control your _actions_, and what you choose to _do_ about it.

You state in your first post that you are happily married. So, recognizing that this attractive person spells potential MAJOR trouble for you, heed those early warnings and stay the h*ll away from her.

Double down on your efforts to focus your energy on your wife and your marriage. And for heaven's sake, do NOT tell this young woman that you are "intrigued" by her .


----------



## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Snaggle said:


> Happily married for 10 years to a wonderful wife. Happy, healthy marriage.
> 
> That being said....
> 
> ...


Heh...You're already in deep shyte my friend. I don't believe for one minute that you would never, ever cheat on your wife. You just got a hit off that crack pipe and you're diggin' the high.

You are ready to throw caution to the wind and pursue her. At least be honest and then perhaps we all can offer some suggestions as to a path forward.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Forget the girl and go molest your wife till she walks funny!

Direction and discipline my man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. I have been with Mrs. Conan for over 23 years with no cheating but there have been a handful of times when another female lit me up and had all instincts going full throttle.

I made sure to not engage with those women. Sometimes there is a magnetic attraction that defies logic but committed relationships like marriage need commitment.

I have never lost the hots for my wife and feel very attracted to her always. Once in a while though someone else can really trip your trigger.

I think it is normal but you need to move away from it. Unless you want to devastate your family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

