# Change?



## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

If someone has self destructed every relationship they've been in.... with the right counseling , can anyone change? 

Or is it as the saying goes---- "you can't teach an old dog new tricks"??


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## OutOfTheBlue (Nov 4, 2011)

Numb in Ohio said:


> If someone has self destructed every relationship they've been in.... with the right counseling , can anyone change?
> 
> Or is it as the saying goes---- "you can't teach an old dog new tricks"??


It depends on whether that person accepts responsibility for their life. If they do, then yes. If they don't, then not a chance.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I self destructed every relationship I ever had. Even my marriage.

I changed. With therapy and the fear of losing my husband, I changed. It was a no-brainer.

I've learned a lot of new tricks. But they aren't really 'tricks'...they're just a new way of living. An honest and loving and respectful way of living <3


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I have been guilty of this, and H has been even worse..we are both in IC right now. Counselor says I suffer from PTSD and depression...

Hasn't diagnosed H yet...

He says he can help us... but doesn't want us to engage in MC for quite a while....

So we will see. Gonna be a lot of work on both ends, but I guess there"s a time in your life that you have to stop running from and supressing issues and finally face them head on.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Spot on.

I had to face SO MUCH CRAP! omg...it sucked. I hated every minute of therapy in the early times.

but the healing it did in me and my marriage is UNREAL  It's well worth it.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

When I saw the title to the book " His affair was the best thing that happened to me" I thought, " how stupid is that" how in the h*!! could that help a marriage???? 

Were just in the beginning process of understanding both our issues, can't say we will stay together or not. But either way I plan on making a "better me" no matter what the outcome.


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## SilverPanther (Feb 2, 2012)

I would like to believe you can change those destructive behaviors. I have not had the best success with relationships myself (unfortunately also can't afford counseling, so doing a lot of self-help things, instead), and my stbxh is a complete mess. He has no friends, no relationships with family, and every single one of his relationships including his marriage to me was an utter disaster. That being said I'd love to believe he could change, as I do still love him. But I don't believe it's possible. At least, I;ve never seen it. I guess maybe I am just cynical and feel like no one *wants* to change enough to put in the effort needed. If you're willing to do whats involved, then yeah, I think you can change even the most destructive behaviors


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

That was my thought. I just thought it was TIME to face my demons.

My therapist specialized in behavioural disorders and I think that helped a lot.


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## needhelp1976 (Apr 14, 2012)

I believe people can change - are actually always changing. Do the work it takes to be the best you you can be.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Therapist is talking of doing "EMDR therapy" I've never heard of it, but starting to look into it..


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## chocolategeek (Mar 8, 2012)

Numb in Ohio said:


> I have been guilty of this, and H has been even worse..we are both in IC right now. Counselor says I suffer from PTSD and depression...
> 
> Hasn't diagnosed H yet...
> 
> ...


Sometimes it's better to get IC for a while than to jump into MC straight away. I think it's a good idea.

I, too, have been self-destructive for most of my life. But these past seven years, I've changed, even more so these past couple of years when my H and I separated. I learned a lot of things about life, and vowed to take the lessons from my mistakes and to not commit them again. So yes, with the right kind of guidance, people can and do change.


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