# Seeking Medication Suggestions



## theking (Sep 6, 2016)

Hello, 

I am a 39 year old male and have been married for 11 years. 
My wife and I have had a healthy relationship throughout the years together but I've recently noticed she is not in love with me anymore and would like to be with someone else. She hasn't said anything but after being together for almost 14 years, I can easily pick up on these changes. I even think I know who the other person is. 
The only thing I want is for her to be happy and pursue whatever that makes her happy in her life. I don't want her to feel like our marriage is a prison and she is stuck with me. She has already spent 14 years of her life with me and has given me the best moments and memories of my life. I'd like to let go of her and support whatever decision she will make.
but
I have been and am still deeply in love with her and being away from her, even for a day, affects my quality of life significantly. Being away from her more than a few days completely makes me go off balance and creates significant anxiety issues for me. I'm afraid if we get separated, I'll have to go through severe depression that could cost me my job, my friends and everything I have. 
I was wondering if there is some kind of medication I can get a prescription for, in order to stop having such strong feelings for her and move on with my life. 

Thank you


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

If you're so dependent on another human being that you cannot function without them you've got major issues that need to be dealt with by a qualified therapist. 

Medications won't fix this although it's possible antidepressants might keep you from falling off the proverbial cliff. 

You really need to come to the rational conclusion that you do not need another person in your life in order to function independently.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

theking said:


> Hello,
> 
> I am a 39 year old male and have been married for 11 years.
> My wife and I have had a healthy relationship throughout the years together but I've recently noticed she is not in love with me anymore and would like to be with someone else. She hasn't said anything but after being together for almost 14 years, I can easily pick up on these changes. I even think I know who the other person is.
> ...


So has she told you she wants a divorce? You are willing to let her go so easily! It's pretty sad. If I loved someone as much as you say you love her, at the very least I'd try to know if what you are sensing is true and see if the relationship could be repaired. It's as if you've already accepted it's over and are willing to just give her up without even trying.

Now, I totally agree you shouldn't try to force her to stay, but you haven't even discovered the truth yet. And as for meds, skip them and find your inner strength.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Begin again said:


> And as for meds, skip them and find your inner strength.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 @Begin again

Your suggestion that a poster who is about to enter a severe life crisis should "avoid medications and find their inner strength" is reckless and irresponsible unless you're a licensed mental health practitioner who has examined and diagnosed this patient and even then I'd find such advice questionable at best.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

before jumping to divorce, might i suggest that you both get into couple couseling and see exactly where they problem may lie.


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## vel (Aug 27, 2016)

We are not doctors, and you really need professional advice. Please do not self medicate. If you must do something, may I suggest a sport or hobby? Yoga can be quite relaxing, just following orders to 'breathe' for an hour.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

First stop is your primary care physician. Tell him your symptoms AND the cause. I did. Started with Zoloft for anxiety. He will also monitor you for signs of depression. 

Immediately make an appointment for IC, individual counseling - therapy. You will need that to get through this. Check to see if your employer has an EAP program. Start there. Then you might have to use your health insurance.

Here's a tip: Don't leave this site. Keep posting what is going on with wife and what is going on with you. It will help to share the pain and to the extent we are not professionals but instead people who have gone through this, we can help.

The one advice that is universal - hit the gym every day. Weights and cardio. And eat as health as you can. 

BTW, it is less common with woman but your wife may be going through a mid life crisis.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> @Begin again
> 
> Your suggestion that a poster who is about to enter a severe life crisis should "avoid medications and find their inner strength" is reckless and irresponsible unless you're a licensed mental health practitioner who has examined and diagnosed this patient and even then I'd find such advice questionable at best.


First, we don't know what he's facing other than his own fear of the future. Second, I faced much more than that year after year and didn't go on meds. That stuff can give you dementia (Wellbutrin) and permanent tics (Prozac). Look it up. Not worth it.

And while I won't share details, go take this test and see how stressful your life is: http://www.cliving.org/lifestresstestscore.htm

I've scored around 400 every year for the past 8 years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Begin again said:


> First, we don't know what he's facing other than his own fear of the future. Second, I faced much more than that year after year and didn't go on meds. That stuff can give you dementia (Wellbutrin) and permanent tics (Prozac). Look it up. Not worth it.


Do you know that many if not most mental institutions are closed down now? Don't believe me? Do a search on "abandoned mental hospitals" and you will find scores of them.

Do you know why so many mental hospital have closed down @Begin again?

Because due to improvements in psych meds people can now function normally enough to stay in mainstream society.

Just because YOU can function without psych meds with whatever level of stress you have in your life doesn't mean other people can. People have different levels of stress tolerance, people have various mental and personality disorders, so comparing your "life stress score" to others means NOTHING.

Yes, psych meds can and do cause side effects and sometimes it's necessary to switch to another type, or cut down on the dosages, or even withdraw completely in severe cases of side effects, however the possibility of side effects is NO reason not to consider them. 

Your advice is, and continues to be, completely reckless, irresponsible, and shortsighted- and I hope that it's completely disregarded by everyone who reads it.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> Do you know that many if not most mental institutions are closed down now? Don't believe me? Do a search on "abandoned mental hospitals" and you will find scores of them.
> 
> Do you know why so many mental hospital have closed down @Begin again?
> 
> ...


There is also such a thing as learned helplessness. I spent the better part of a decade battling depression. You know when that changed? When I decided one day to never let myself be depressed again. Period. I was sick and tired of feeling that way and decided to change my thinking. And I did. 

I think it's more dangerous to give people advice to go on mind altering meds at the first sign of stress! Those drugs change the chemistry of your brain.

But you know what else changes brain chemistry? Eating right, exercising, community involvement, friends and family. All natural remedies!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Begin again said:


> I think it's more dangerous to give people advice to go on mind altering meds at the first sign of stress!


How about leaving this decision to the trained, licensed medical professions that have worked directly with their patients, rather than dishing out what you think is good advice to people you never even met, based on your own personal experiences?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Please start therapy immediately. Your wife may respond to changes in your behavior brought about by therapy. A divorce is not necessarily the only outcome for you.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> How about leaving this decision to the trained, licensed medical professions that have worked directly with their patients, rather than dishing out what you think is good advice to people you never even met, based on your own personal experiences?


Yep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> Do you know that many if not most mental institutions are closed down now? Don't believe me? Do a search on "abandoned mental hospitals" and you will find scores of them.
> 
> Do you know why so many mental hospital have closed down @Begin again?
> 
> ...


I can tell you feel strongly about this, as do I. Do you realize that antidepressant prescriptions have quadrupled since Prozac came on the market, that now 1 in 10 American takes an antidepressant? And that most patients are prescribed them by their primary care physician through a standard 15 min appointment and a standard checklist? Did you know that most studies show that they are not effective for mild to moderate depression? That many studies show that it is the placebo effect as much as it is the medication?
Have a look at this: http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/06/prescribing.aspx

By the way, this happened to me. About four years ago I went to my primary care doc and he asked about what was going on in my personal life. I told him (it had been the worst year of my life at that point), and he prescribed Wellbutrin. I took it for 3 weeks and began experiencing what is called "mental fog." In one case, I was driving down a road near my home. It was the route i'd taken every day for the previous 5 years to take my kids to preschool, the route to the grocery store, the closest gas station, and to the closest shopping center. There was hardly a day I left my house that I didn't drive down this road, but that day I didn't recognize where I was. Literally didn't know whether to turn right, left, or go straight at the stoplight. 

Most ironic was that I was on my way to the follow up appointment with my doctor to tell him I wanted off this meds! And I quit them that day. 

So, there is a lot more to this than just your perspective that these meds are needed or that he psych hospitals are closed because people are on meds now. Ten percent of the population didn't need to be hospitalized for depression before these meds were available, and fewer people should be on them now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

This debate has become nonproductive and it's nothing more than a threadjack at this point. 

You continue post examples of your own experiences with the medications and generalize that to the entire population. 

Your rebuttal in regard to all the closed mental hospitals is nonsensical. The mental hospitals used to be filled with people who were there because they were mentally incompetant and unable to function in mainstream society. Due to the availablity and effectiveness of psych meds, so many of those people are now functioning in mainstream society that tons of those hospitals are now closed, and there's nothing you can say that will change that or put any sort of spin on it, no matter how many times you talk about the negative side effects of psych meds and how they're over prescribed at times by busy doctors who don't spend nearly enough time with their patients. 

I'm not disagreeing with you on those last points by the way, there's no question psych meds are over prescribed and over utilized and have undesirable side effects, but here's where we differ. 

I say that despite the occasional, or even frequent unwanted side effects and the tendency for overworked or even incompetent physicians to over prescribe them based on brief case histories with their patients, psych meds can and do have their place either temporarily or permanently depending on the person and their condition, and you say they have no place at all and people experiencing mental problems or emotional crisis such as the person who started this thread must never use psych meds rather they should explore "natural" methods including exercise primarily based on your own negative experiences with these drugs.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

You're not very clear in your opening post whether or not you truly know the intentions of your wife. When reading it,it sounded like more of an assumption on your part. Do you and your wife have trouble communicating? Can you clarify a bit more why you are so sure. In any case,it's wiser to seek a medical professional you trust to help you as far as treatment is concerned.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

What has your wife specifically said to you to give you the impression that she wants out? If she were here, what would she tell us? I find it hard to believe that if the relationship was so good, that she'd want to leave because she feels trapped.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

theking said:


> Hello,
> 
> I am a 39 year old male and have been married for 11 years.
> My wife and I have had a healthy relationship throughout the years together but I've recently noticed she is not in love with me anymore and would like to be with someone else. She hasn't said anything but after being together for almost 14 years, I can easily pick up on these changes. I even think I know who the other person is.
> ...


Yes, there are several but your doctor and the medical fraternity is unlikely to issue them to you (they aren't interested in helping you live well).
Also they directly affect your mood, so each family of medication will have an effect on other parts of your life.

Therefore treat it like an oxytocin addiction. Create alternative healthy addictions (bright nice gyms with good music is a popular one - importance is having other people).
Like any addiction, start cutting down and finding space away from your addictive behaviours. drink plenty of water.

You acknowledge you have depressive issue. Your self-awareness is helpful but only if you let it work for you. Start lifting your folate and B12 levels, keep away from [reduce] depressants (alcohol) and stimulants, especially coffee and sugar (they lift you up and leave you hanging). St Johns wort can help (but for every 3 weeks on take 1 week off). Drink Camomile tea, it tastes like crap, so if you don't like it let it cool and knock it back like a very cheap beer, it'll help ease the depression (don't drink too much in a day - that's where having lots of water instead helps).

Start finding/building something that is fun in your life. A friend recommended social level badminton for me. You want something where people are positive, you can enjoy a challenge and a laugh, and that doesn't place stress demands if you're not "putting in 110%"


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> This debate has become nonproductive and it's nothing more than a threadjack at this point.
> 
> You continue post examples of your own experiences with the medications and generalize that to the entire population.
> 
> ...


It is quite obvious you have some serious bias due to personal experience that you have opted not to share. Just because I share mine doesn't make me wrong. And OP is not bipolar or schizophrenic. At least he gives zero indication that he is. Really he just wants a med to make the sadness go away because he fears losing his wife. This is temporary and he should learn to handle these types of setbacks without meds, because everyone will have something bad happen at some point in our lives. We must learn to cope with normal (and yes hard, but still common) life events without meds. Ok. Done. End of thread jack.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

OP - I very much encourage you to face what may or may not be happening with your wife. Whether you need meds to get you through this time is up to you, but regardless you do need to handle this situation. Don't let life happen to you; make life happen. Meaning don't just let your fear of what may be going on come to pass because you sat on the bank of the river and watched your marriage fade away. Don't do that! Take action now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Begin again said:


> It is quite obvious you have some serious bias due to personal experience that you have opted not to share. Just because I share mine doesn't make me wrong.


Your are completely wrong to advise stranger to stay away from mental medications because based on your own personal experience they don't work well. 



Begin again said:


> And OP is not bipolar or schizophrenic. At least he gives zero indication that he is. Really he just wants a med to make the sadness go away because he fears losing his wife.


Shall we discuss the high number of predominantly male suicides that occur during divorce??

http://divorceinfo.com/suicide.htm

No medications for them, as far as @Begin again thinks, they're just a little sad and they "need to learn to deal with it". 



Begin again said:


> he should learn to handle these types of setbacks without meds, because everyone will have something bad happen at some point in our lives. We must learn to cope with normal (and yes hard, but still common) life events without meds.


Rubbish. This is the worst advice I've ever read on this or any other forum and I've read lots.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

@Yosemite - I will no longer thread jack. Please see the new thread in the General Relationship forum. I will create one shortly.


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