# questions for men



## blue ocean (Feb 5, 2012)

hello, i'm trying to understand men, cud you answer the followings? thanks :smthumbup:

1. do men really need their hobbies? how do you feel when you can collect *sports, films, music* stuffs (DVDs, CDs, new kind of skateboards, etc)? are they really important for you? sorry if it sounds stupid, but i really wanna know what's on the guys minds, cuz i see my husband are really nuts about them stuffs  he collected all those stuffs i mentioned, he's got thousands! and now he would want to sell them on Ebay (i told him, what a waste siiiigh)

2. what do you think about friendship? is it still important for you? what if your wife asked you to not meeting your friends? what would u think about your wife? agree or diasgree?

i've heard stories from my girlfriends, complaining about their men, who wud choose to be with their friends than with their girls.

3. what would you do if you were in this situation: your wife needed you to stay at home, but at same time, you needed to be with your relatives (cousins,godsons, nephews, etc) cuz u had promised them to hang out together. do u know what would your wife feel if u choose to be with your relatives.

i got many questions here, will post more if it's okay  thanks.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

1. Well, would you rather he sit on the couch, scratch his ass, and watch TV?

2. There's a balance for sure, but if I thought she was being unreasonable in her requests, I'd be resentful.

3. Why did she need me to stay at home? Again, there's compromises and balances. But if I thought my wife consistently chose her family over me, I'd be hurt and wonder why she married me. But if she was keeping me from spending a "reasonable" amount of time with my family, see response #2.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blue ocean (Feb 5, 2012)

for no.1, of course to do something that has been planned b4. in short, you have promised to stay at home for your wife.


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## Oregondaddy (Feb 10, 2012)

Well, based on what you have written so far, I have to agree with pbear above. What's wrong with hobbies? I mean I love my wife, but there are things I love to do that she does not, I don't want to drag her to some hiking spot in the wilderness if that is not her thing right? I still am ME, and sometimes ME is important. As PBear said before, it's all about balance. As with friends, just because you have friends, does not mean you love you spouse less. He is not forsaking you when he wants to go out with guys every now and then. The last one is a bit trickier, did he promise to stay home before the other engagement with family came up? Were there circumstances that made his attendance needed? Sometimes it's hard with family, especially if his is a large close family. Not saying he is right and you are wrong, if his hobbies are an undue financial burden, or he spends most of his time with the hobbies or friends, or he constantly chooses family over you, then it's a different story. But based ONLY on what you have written, I'd have to say that your husband is not being unreasonable.


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## Leaver (Jan 31, 2012)

1- We men are geared to accomplish things. For better or worse, society offers very few opportunities for most men to do this in their jobs. Also, we are geared to provide. For better or worse, most jobs these days provide a decent enough income that we don't have to work all day and night...so, there is leftover time and mental energy. Not using your mental energy is like not using a muscle. It gets weak. 

Hobbies have many uses. The trick is to pick good ones. Some hobbies end up being careers. Others just a distraction. Some hobbies separate you from others, some bring you closer to others. The trick is to choose hobbies that enrich your life, and brings you enjoyment, opportunities (lots of business deals happen on the golf course), and maybe even respect, most hopefully respect from those that matter to you most. 

Unfortunately, many hobbies are just a distraction from family. Those can be less than healthy. If, as a woman, you are resentful of your husband's hobbies, GET INVOLVED IN IT! I've done the same in reverse. I learned to paint, draw, and lots of other stuff to be closer to my wife.


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## Leaver (Jan 31, 2012)

I also agree with Oregondaddy. 

2- Friends are very important. Good ones keep you out of trouble, and keep you sane. They keep you connected to the world. However, if you are hanging out with them everyday, or even every other day, then there is likely a wife you are avoiding. 

3- All friends and relatives understand that life comes up. If it is a special occasion, that is one thing. If it is a weekly thing, it is a little different. No one likes to look henpecked, it makes your husband look weak. Which, btw, can have real and negative effects on you and your family.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

blue ocean said:


> hello, i'm trying to understand men, cud you answer the followings? thanks :smthumbup:
> 
> 1. do men really need their hobbies? how do you feel when you can collect *sports, films, music* stuffs (DVDs, CDs, new kind of skateboards, etc)? are they really important for you? sorry if it sounds stupid, but i really wanna know what's on the guys minds, cuz i see my husband are really nuts about them stuffs  he collected all those stuffs i mentioned, he's got thousands! and now he would want to sell them on Ebay (i told him, what a waste siiiigh)
> 
> ...


1. Yes - I have a habit of collecting things - dvd's, cd's - whatever. And yes - I switch once on a while to something new. Sounds totally reasonable to me - as long as it isn't doing your family some financial harm.

2-3. I allowed my Ex to basically isolate me from friends and family. Now that I'm divorced, I would say that having your own friends and staying in touch with family is Very important.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantBeJustMe (Jan 27, 2012)

Hobbies are important. No matter if someone else, even your wife, considers that hobby silly or trivial. The only concern I would have is did he have these hobbies before you were married? Like when you were dating?

I've been there...where you try to keep yourself busy to keep your mind off your marriage and the things you think it's lacking. Definitely the stupid, and wrong approach.

I know some wives feel left out because of their husband's hobbies, but I've also witnessed the opposite. 

If a husband and wife don't do anything together, then of course you'll have issues. I personally think it's about balance.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

CantBeJustMe said:


> Hobbies are important. No matter if someone else, even your wife, considers that hobby silly or trivial. The only concern I would have is did he have these hobbies before you were married? Like when you were dating?
> 
> I've been there...where you try to keep yourself busy to keep your mind off your marriage and the things you think it's lacking. Definitely the stupid, and wrong approach.
> 
> ...


Balance - yes. Because on the flip side, if you do EVERYTHING together, you risk becoming too predictable, uninteresting - you need a little bit of mystery and you need your own identity.


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

1 Hobbies define a man. I've been lucky enough to combine lots of my hobbies into career opportunities. Man needs his hobbies but if they become obsessive then family life does get ruined. I have learnt this lesson from experience.

2 Friends are important, but it is important to have the correct calibre of friends. Bad friends drag everyone down. If asked not to meet friends there had better be a very good reason.

3 I married my wife and in doing so decided to forsake others including family. My wife's needs come first. The only exception to this might be in the wake of a family tragedy or if the wife had a really, really petty reason for asking. (Such as looking after a dog.)


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

blue ocean said:


> 1. do men really need their hobbies? how do you feel when you can collect *sports, films, music* stuffs (DVDs, CDs, new kind of skateboards, etc)? are they really important for you?
> 
> I don't see how this is a male specific question. I don't really have anything I like to collect. But as long as he is not wasting a substantial amount of money, then why not let him enjoy his hobbies.
> 
> ...


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## ShuttleDIK (Oct 18, 2010)

Well, it sounds to me, in general, like you want to control him.

I'm not saying you do, but it definitely sounds that way. I fully agree with the balance approach.

I'm usually in danger of becoming the homebody too much. I actually have to force myself out of the house. Wife acts like it bugs her, but then is much happier the next day/later.

Live your lives and share the stories. I have a followup question - what are mealtimes like for you? Do you eat together or separately?


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You have to have balance and common sense when dealing with these issues. You say you are trying to understand men. All men are not the same, you can't group them all together. You don't need to understand men, you only need to understand your husband, and that comes only with time.

My husband is happy and a whole lot easier to live with when he has his hobbies. His hobbies bring out his passionate side and intense nature. I LOVE that about him. When he is telling me about what he did, his eyes light up. It brings me joy that he has found something that he loves so much.


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

Lionelhutz said:


> blue ocean said:
> 
> 
> > 1. do men really need their hobbies? how do you feel when you can collect *sports, films, music* stuffs (DVDs, CDs, new kind of skateboards, etc)? are they really important for you?
> ...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I used to collect cars until it got too expensive to insure them. Then I collected motorcycles until a few wrecks put an end to that. My wife was never anything but negative about all of that, which was fine to me since she never participated in any way either. I guess to each their own.


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## dmdream (Feb 14, 2012)

Hey everyone. I am considering looking closer into dating online. Any good sites form experienced people would be greatly appreciated.:scratchhead:


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