# Can you be friends with someone you're attracted to?



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

So taking a page out of the "When Harry Met Sally" movie, is anyone out there able to be _just friends _ with someone who is attractive and single at the same time you are single?

To me it would be one of the hardest things to do, and I have had many female friends who were _ugly_ & that I had no interest in over the years but that was not hard to do or ever uncomfortable.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

No
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

I have been on the other side of that one time and it was verrrrry uncomfortable, where I had this female next door neighbor Kim in my apartment complex who was not attractive at all but we were casual friends. Well come to find out she was attracted to me and was hoping for more I guess; and how I found out was through another neighbor downstairs who said that Kim had asked him a few personal questions about me, and asked him if he thought or had heard that I was attracted to her - and he said he didn't know. Well as you can imagine the whole thing ended up getting really uncomfortable as time went on, and eventually Kim's lease was up and she ended up moving without even saying good-bye or letting me help her with anything.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Attraction can strike at any moment. it can happen on the first encounter, or the 100th. I don't make male friends for this reason. There are a TON of awesome people out there and I never want to compare my husband to any other man. He is my eye-candy, my sex god, my everything-in-a-man. Why tempt fate?

That being said, i have had many male friends in my single life. The ones that i was attracted to, I always instigated some sort of sexual release (not always sex) to move past that point. It always worked. lolll...We'd make out and then say, "ok, that's out of the way...." and go about our business.

but I know myself, and I know how much I love to get to know people, so i don't let myself go there with men. Simple.


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

I don't think so. There would always be an undercurrent if you both found each other attractive and if the attraction was one sided, you'd be having non-friendshippy thoughts about them IYKWIM!



that_girl said:


> That being said, i have had many male friends in my single life. The ones that i was attracted to, I always instigated some sort of sexual release (not always sex) to move past that point. It always worked. lolll...We'd make out and then say, "ok, that's out of the way...." and go about our business.


:iagree: I have a couple of good male friends now but I have been intimate with both of them in the past. I feel no attraction to either of them in that way whatsoever now and are genuine friendships but didn't start off that way!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I once had a crush on a classmate. So we got friendly. Then he met my roommate, who looked like Christie Brinkley in her heyday. He invited us both over to his place for dinner. It was obvious that he was hitting on her. I remained friendly with him. then graduation came along, and someone turned up from somewhere who was supposed to be his gf. She and I had a chat at one of the parties. I thought she was nice woman. 

I know that I can back down when it's clear he's not interested......but I have learned the hard way that even when men get their lips to form the words "Yes, we are friends", they don't really mean it.

So now I try the arms length part of a group friend / acquaintance type relationship. This is important of course, because if you have a party or want to round up a group of people to do something, you do want roughly a balance of men and women.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Yes. If you have logical brakes it goes along fairly well. I have any number of male friends that I see somewhat occasionally for whatever reason. There are lots of factors that would preclude a relationship, such as kids, geographical location, lifestyle differences, etc. Sometimes you just can be content knowing you have a friend you really care about and vice versa, you spend time together dancing or dining or going to the movies and that's that. 

I have one friend that I wish he would date but he doesn't like dating. So, he's my friend. He told me that and even though I know he's attracted to me I also understand his rationale for not dating and I respect that. We get along really well. Email back and forth, I call him every once in a while. But I also respect his boundaries. 

I'd be careful about using someone's perceived ugliness as a protective mechanism/boundary. That can backfire on you. One day you might be standing around and realize that you've fallen for someone you're not consciously physically attracted to. If that's all you had going for you in terms of protection/boundary, you'll be scr*wed.


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## piggyoink (Apr 10, 2012)

I do that all the time.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I find most women attractive so, yes. If I couldn't be friends with a woman I am attracted to, I'd have no female friends. BUT, I have boundaries and so do they so it all works out. I wouldn't be friends with a woman who had poor boundaries. I know mine and keep them dialed in pretty tight.


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

I would honestly have to say it depends on how solid your self control is.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

I've been in that position a few times and it's not easy to deal with sometimes, but if you set some kind of boundary for yourself, it can be overcome.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Maybe if I was a robot or Mr Spock I would be able to......

:rofl:


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

fwb


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Yes. Throughout my marriage I had male friends who to whom I was attracted, but b/c of the marriage, I had my boundaries and self-awareness, which always kept me from doing anything stupid. There was one man and I could tell he was unhappy in his marriage and attracted to me, so I made a point never to see him w/o his wife or my h (now ex) around. 

Now, if I was single and the guy was single, and I was attracted to him, I'd let him know. if it wasn't mutual, I could still be friends. And the lack of mutuality would probably just douse my little flame for the guy, so it would be easy and natural. I'm not into torturing myself.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Sure why not? I find plenty of people attractive but that doesn't mean I'm stupid enough to ruin a 21 year marriage over them. I'm also not stupid enough to put myself in a position to cheat like I have a rule of never being alone with a man that isn't my husband. If I thought for a second I was vulnerable to an affair I have enough self control to walk away. I abhor cheaters so I'm certainly not going to become one. My morals are high and I'm faithful.

Besides I adore my husband. Some guy might be hot but no way can he compare to what I have at home.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Sure why not? I find plenty of people attractive but that doesn't mean I'm stupid enough to ruin a 21 year marriage over them. I'm also not stupid enough to put myself in a position to cheat like I have a rule of never being alone with a man that isn't my husband. If I thought for a second I was vulnerable to an affair I have enough self control to walk away. I abhor cheaters so I'm certainly not going to become one. My morals are high and I'm faithful.
> 
> Besides I adore my husband. Some guy might be hot but no way can he compare to what I have at home.


This question was posed for two *SINGLE* people who are attractive and are trying to maintain a platonic friendship Mavash, not *MARRIED* people with boundaries and rules.


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## countrygirl2 (May 17, 2012)

Yes, I believe you can. I have a friend that we talked about When Harry meet Sally, and that is us. Since day one, I was single he was married,I stayed single for 15 years, lost touch with him, for a few years. Tried to find him and couldn't, I got married and he found me a few months later. He was single I am married. Sometimes it's just not meant to be. We will always be friends.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Sorry I'm old, can't see well and I'm on my iPad. Didn't catch single was part of the question. Oops.


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

countrygirl2 said:


> Yes, I believe you can. I have a friend that we talked about When Harry meet Sally, and that is us. Since day one, I was single he was married,I stayed single for 15 years, lost touch with him, for a few years. Tried to find him and couldn't, I got married and he found me a few months later. He was single I am married. Sometimes it's just not meant to be. We will always be friends.


Would it have been the same story if you were both single at the same time? The question was for two people who are single at the same time and attractive to one another.


Cee Paul said:


> So taking a page out of the "When Harry Met Sally" movie, is anyone out there able to be _just friends _ with someone who is attractive and single at the same time you are single?
> 
> To me it would be one of the hardest things to do, and I have had many female friends who were _ugly_ & that I had no interest in over the years but that was not hard to do or ever uncomfortable.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I think yes.
At least from my experience. I knew lots of attractive women,and we all used to hang out together at different times,before I was married. Sometimes in between relationships.
Kinda like in the " friend zone."
Funny thing is my wife was one of those in my " friend zone" before we got together. Whenever I was " riding solo " she would always be there for me. I just never took her seriously because she was not a " fast chick."

I guess it all depends on the persons involved.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Oh and my answer is still yes. Just because you are attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to act on it. KWIM?


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Sounds like some of you could hangout with the Swedish bikini team or the guys from Magic Mike and not feel a thing; yeah uhhhhh huuuh.  :liar:


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## countrygirl2 (May 17, 2012)

My mistake I guess I didn't read that right.


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