# broken



## anonymous2 (Jun 22, 2012)

So about 2 days ago I had by far most biggest argument ever with my H. Back in April I found out he was talking to another woman. I was heart broken because I thought our marriage was going great I guess I was the only one in that state of mind. We have alway fought but lately since last year we were getting along more talking more connecting with eachother I was really on top of the world. All that came down the drain in April. He said his sorrys how awful he felt about the EA he had We decided to R. I knew he hurt me really bad but I still love him and wanted to make our marriage work! Well come may I had a feeling in my gut something was not right so I decided to check the phone bill online. What a surprise I took! He had still been contacting this woman. When I confronted him about it he was in denial until he finally admit to once again cheating. We got into a huge fight about it. I wanted to know why he had done it again he insisted that the OW wouldn't leave him alone. So of course I had suggested if this was true why not come to me and sit me down and tell me that this OW wouldn't leave you alone but no instead he decided to talk to her. Obviously he didn't want to stop the EA. after all the confrontation he decided to change his phone number(which I believe he should of done since the beginning) he did it to(according to him) prove to me that he wanted nothing to do with this woman that he was so sorry for what he had done. But of course there is other way to contact ppl now a days email,fb,apps, etc etc. I gave in the fact that I want this marriage to work out so bad because I love him very much( I know it's dumb to love him but I do) 



After this I gave it another shot which it was probably dumb of me to give him another try but I did I must admit he was showing me more love more attention this could be because he had guilt who knows all I know is that it felt nice to have his attention and for us to be loving again. 




Okay so fast fwd to last week he was missing for about an hour I tried calling and calling and nothin my first guess was okay maybe his still delivering(since his a delivery man) but something told me there was more I logged in the whole find my phone for iPhone well he was no where near his delivery area matter of fact he was about 30 minutes away from our home at some park. Okay I flipped. I waited for him to call me back and he did so I asked where he was at he lied and told me another location(near his delivering area) I told him I knew exactly where he was he turn off his location thing on his phone. As soon as he got home he denied ever being at the location where he was at. I didn't know what to do. I looked up to see if this location finder would make a mistake and a lot of ppl were saying it can. I pretty much sweep it under the rug(dumb of me I know) 




Fast fwd to today he was sleeping and left his phone out in the open so I decide to play detective and well I didn't find anything this OW number is blocked so he can't call her or her call him. But there is always apps and stuff you can get to make free calls. So I looked some up on his phone to see if maybe he had downloaded any and yes he did. I re-downloaded the app log in(he uses his same pw for everything and same user name) and here I am with my two eyes I see this bi*tch number. I let my anger get the best of me and I woke him up going off on him. After I look at the calls there was no talking the calls got cancelled. Okay so what if he didn't talk to her he still thought about it right?? When I looked at the date he called her it was the same day he went missing for an hour. So now he tells me he was at the park going for a walk(which he never does this) that day and that he was going to call her but then he stopped himself. I don't know if this is the truth or a lie only god knows all I know is that I can't believe him or anything that comes out of his mouth.(my laptop was on and I was sitting by it) when I told him I had connected the dots that he probably set up a date to meet up with her he got furious and told me to stop making sh*t up. That he was alone and there was no one there with him and literally smashed my laptop  broken screen all cracked. I was so angry I broke the tv. I know I shouldn't of done this I acted like a child and let my anger get to me. After the tv got broken he smashed my iPhone completely shatter. He turn everything on me that I acted like a child instead of coming to him to talk about the situation I started yelling. And yes I did I let me anger get to me. I understand that but what he doesn't understand is that I was hurt to find this woman's number in his phone through an app. The way he seen it he didn't do it he stopped himself I should be proud of him. I'm sorry but no way in hell am I proud why did he feel the need I contact her?? I feel I'm not enough woman for him. I feel like I lost my husband. He said before that I don't give him attention so I started to show him attention and for me giving him attention I get cheated on. How GREAT!! His turn the tables on me and feels now that his the victim because I broke the tv. Really?? I was wrong to approach him with all my anger like I did I get that but he don't see that he has hurt me actions speak louder than words and obviously he didn't care about me if he still wanted to talk to the OW. I feel so down I want my marriage I do I love my husband with all my heart and when we are happy and loving like we use to be we were such a great team. Where did it all go wrong?? I feel like running away and having to jump in front of a car. Ugh I feel like I'm depress lost in all these emotions. and thoughts racing through my head that what if it went physical?? im so crushed i feel like its my fault that i let it get this far. i should of never gave him a second chance and here i am with my heart all torn in pieces. HELP!!!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

EA's are powerful draws emotionally and can be very had to quit.

You've worked hard to get him to quit, but on his own he isn't making it.

I suggest you find out a lot more about the OW - especially if she is married / bf - and contact her SO. Let them know her part.

Do not threaten your husband that you are doing this. Do not warn him you are doing this. 

Just do it. He will be mad. That's ok, and it doesn't mean your getting a D. It does mean that his OW and him will have to deal with the reality of exposure of their lies.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Oh yeah shaggy's right, you get a hold of the OW's bf/hubby/ or any other family member and expose the affair asap. get a keylogger and install it on the comp, this will help you in finding any email conversations or FB chats that go back and forth between the two of them
Also recommend getting a couple of VAR's and placing one in his car
(under the seat use, heavy duty velcro)
Cellphone spyware, or sync the iphone to the comp
Gather a bit of evidence and then expose it to your husband's family and OWH. Secrecy is what drives an A you expose it , you kill it


And don't for a second believe that the A was your fault, it is your hubby's fault entirely


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

BTW-THIS is exactly the way my WH acted when I called him out on his EA. I didnt tell him I could PROVE it right away, instead I gave him the opportunity to come clean and end it. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. He flipped out. Threw his phone, said I was a crazy jealous nutjob that needed counseling......ALL of this is typical guilty behavior. I can look back now and see that EVERYTIME I suspectd something and brought it up-*if I was RIGHT-he flipped out*. If I was wrong he was calm. I havent told him I recognize this pattern-dont plan to. Its part of how I will discern fact from fiction in the future.

BUT just so you know- *HIS reaction is classic GUILTY behavior*.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> I feel like running away and having to jump in front of a car.


At the height of when things were really bad, I felt like that. I had nobody to talk to, nobody but my wife and me knew what was happening. People still thought we were a happy, loving couple! I thought: "If only they knew!" but I said nothing to anyone.

She was in the fog, so I do not think she gave any thought to what I was going through. Not until afterwards, when she did realise and apologised.

Keep posting and reading here, we are here because we went through it ourselves, so can sympathise and empathise with you.

So sorry about your situation.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

There is hope here. We have been where you are as Matt said. 

First things first you have to learn as much as possible about HER and expose the A ASAP! Its the only thing that might work at this point. You have to fight fire with fire. You have to outsmart him.


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## anonymous2 (Jun 22, 2012)

Thank you guys I have found this OW but she has no bf or husband she as a matter or fact is only 18years old. We are young as well early 20s. I know we are young and all. We had a long discussion last night. I asked away with questions and he came clean and told me how he met her through a website that he made an account on he gave me his user name and pw. Now I know he can easily make it up and say what ever user name and pw to me just so I can get off his back. But I've done my research and I found this girl in this website he told me where he found her. And to my luck she had posted something like "I waited an hour or two and didn't even show up " this was the exact same day he went missing. The day we argue we I had told him I'm was putting her on blast since I also found her on fb. His response was to go right ahead that he didn't care that all he care was about me and not loosing me. He has already gave me his phone he said he wants nothing to do with the phone because he knows it's his fault I don't trust him. But I'm not going to be stupid abou it either maybe his just doing it all this to play me in to think his really not going to talk to her. I mean he did it to me once right?? Where he said he wouldn't contact her and he did!! I'm so hurt to think he went an extra mile just to talk to her! As I said we spoke last night he said he had deleted this account on this website but I logged in the computer today and this website wa last logged in on June 6 I found out about him still being in contact with her may 20th. Obviously he wa still in contact with her or still is??? I hate that he is trying so hard to hide his steps and yet here I am with more stuff on him. And as much as I'm so angry at this I still love him and want my marriage to work out is there something wrong with me???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

anonymous2 said:


> Thank you guys I have found this OW but she has no bf or husband she as a matter or fact is only 18years old. We are young as well early 20s. I know we are young and all. We had a long discussion last night. I asked away with questions and he came clean and told me how he met her through a website that he made an account on he gave me his user name and pw. Now I know he can easily make it up and say what ever user name and pw to me just so I can get off his back. But I've done my research and I found this girl in this website he told me where he found her. And to my luck she had posted something like "I waited an hour or two and didn't even show up " this was the exact same day he went missing. The day we argue we I had told him I'm was putting her on blast since I also found her on fb. His response was to go right ahead that he didn't care that all he care was about me and not loosing me. He has already gave me his phone he said he wants nothing to do with the phone because he knows it's his fault I don't trust him. But I'm not going to be stupid abou it either maybe his just doing it all this to play me in to think his really not going to talk to her. I mean he did it to me once right?? Where he said he wouldn't contact her and he did!! I'm so hurt to think he went an extra mile just to talk to her! As I said we spoke last night he said he had deleted this account on this website but I logged in the computer today and this website wa last logged in on June 6 I found out about him still being in contact with her may 20th. Obviously he wa still in contact with her or still is??? I hate that he is trying so hard to hide his steps and yet here I am with more stuff on him. And as much as I'm so angry at this I still love him and want my marriage to work out is there something wrong with me???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope. Nothing wrong with YOU. But he is showing you that you CANT trust him. Stay on your toes.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Well The OW's family is as good as they get when it comes to relatives, expose it to her parents if you can

what happens in your marriage is based on the decisions that both of you make even then things aren't always going to be under your control, take life as it comes and adapt, this might not workout but then you'll want to come out of it being stronger

I still suggest you keep tabs on his whereabouts because the temptation that the OW is offering is going to be hard for him to resist for a while


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## anonymous2 (Jun 22, 2012)

How exactly do I tell the OW family about this affair?? I dont want to sound like an immature child. I know my intensions are not going to be like I'm b*tching all I just want to make then aware of this. I did find her brother on fb and her sister I'm aiming to message her brother I'm sure no brother would appreciate his little sister being involve with a married man who has 3 children. I'm sure my brothers wouldn't. Thank you so much on the advise. I have no one to talk to. Friends I thought would be there are long gone. My mother is my only friend but she is sick of diabetes and I sure don't want her stressing over my problems although I feel like running to her and pouring my heart out and just crying till I have no more tears to cry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Do you have the textual conversations between hubby and b8tch girl? print them out, ask your hubby to give you passwords to all his online accounts and print out any conversation you get schedule a meeting with b*tch girl's bro and hand the goods out and tell him to rein in his sister , you're done

Vent your anger, frustration here thats what this entire forum is all about, a support system.

A good friend or confidant is also helpful and when you're hubby is out of his fog which i wager is going to happen soon enough he'll offer his own shoulder for you to cry on( that is if he's willing to work things out)


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## anonymous2 (Jun 22, 2012)

I don't have text messages of them speaking but I have my phone bill to prove all the long hours they spoke.

As it turns out he did meet up with her  I feel like running away and never coming back. At first he was furious that I went snooping around and finding it the truth. He got so mad. He threaten to leave that why did I go snooping around. I was crying terribly im a very emotional person(which I hate) but he started telling me it was my fault I was crying that he had clearly told me to drop it but no I has to go look for answers now I'm all crying. I was crushed to see the man I married not give a darn about me. I swear I felt like someone just beat the crap out of my heart it sunk so deep never thought it could've been dumped that deep. I told him did he not care he hurt me all he said was "o well it happen I can't take it back get the f*ck over it" how can someone that loved you so much once just say that to your face with no remorse?? He kept bugging to use to the phone to leave and call his mother but I refuse to let him use the phone I told him you want to leave then LEAVE!! Point being he didn't leave he stood here and watched me cried my heart out. Finally he sat down looked me in my eyes told me he loves me. All u could tell him was a real man at least a husband who really and truly loves his wife wouldn't say those awful things . He said he didn't mean to he was mad. At that those are very hurtful words. So he sat me down told me that yes they met up nothing happen they talked and that's it(and as much as I want to believe him I can't) that this girl threaten him she will do anything to break us up because she WANTS HIM! He told me that his sorry. I broke down again and he asked why was I crying I told him "I have never been hurt like I am right now I'm devastated lost confuse but over all very hurt" he started to cry and said he was sorry that he loves me and wants nothing to do with this girl that if I need to send all the information to her brother and need to takes pictures of the our phone bill to do so. We also found out that this OW was trying to get with my H younger brother. He was pretty shocked because he said she claimed to be a good girl. As I told him a good girl wouldn't get involve with a married man! I think it got to him that how he thought of her turn out to be just a little ho. Don't know if that's a good thing or bad?? Did it hurt him that he found out she was trying to get with his younger brother?? He said it didn't that he was sorry that he hurted me. He also confess that sometimes he feel like running away that he has so much stress that sometimes he just doesn't know what to do. We have no friends at least no close friends to talk to everyone pretty much left out of our lives after we had kids and got married. Sad I know. Can this mean he probably has issues himself that he needs to solve. He had a tough childhood his father was very abusive. And his mother pretty much didn't give a crap about him or his siblings. I'm not trying to justify his cheating in any way at all I'm emotionally broken. All I know is that I'm a fighter and I want this marriage to work out(call me dumb an all) but I do. I love this man and maybe I am being dumb to stay and should just walk away but my mother raised me to be a fighter and not to give up on something I want so easily. And I want my marriage!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

as I was reading these posts I was thinking 'I bet he did meet up with her'....

the other posters are right, he was displaying classic signs of guilty behaviour and trying to turn it round on you to make you think you were going mad

I guess the question is...can you save it? do you want to save it?
do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you can't trust? do you want to spend the rest of your life having to check his phone and snoop on him to give you peace of mind?

You're so young, my personal view is that it's no way to live a life but you're not me 

Hope things work out for you!


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