# Why did he all of a sudden give up?



## SweetGirlNeedsHelp (Mar 22, 2013)

We had been together for almost 3 years when he became cold and distant in the last two months. He was no longer giving me the affection and intimacy he was showing me the years before.

After a little over a year in, he fulfilled his dream of buying a weekend house about an hour away and planned to go there and fix it up on the weekends. His parents would live there about 6 months out of the year and we would go on the weekends. 

Since we were only a year into dating, I felt that we needed more alone time and focus on the relationship. His focus shifted to the house and parents. I was ungrateful at first for the house and complained/whined that we needed more alone time. I really regret my immature behavior.

He "emotionally" cheated on me at that point and ran into the arms of a woman who boosted his ego and made him feel good. When I found out, he was extremely sorry and said he didn't want to be with her, but that she was supportive of him when I was not.

Although its hard to gain the trust again, I tried to put it in the past. Everything was much better after that.

Almost a year and a half passes , then in the last few months he got a bit distant and seemed unhappy at times. When I asked him he said he was stressed because of work and money which I believed.

I felt pretty emotional about him being distant and started fights. I was insecure and just need a little more attention and affection and I felt like I wasn't getting it bc he was distant. 

I went away for a week and when I got back he said he was unhappy, thought the spark was gone, felt like we were co-existing, felt that he didn't really know me and that I was just going along with his plans in life. 

He said we didn't have a deep connection and never did like his past relationships, but I don't believe that. He said he still resented me about the problem I caused with the house in the beginning with his parents. He said I was immature and made his dream miserable. 

I asked him why he hadnt tried to communicate any of this to me and he said he had tried a few times to ask about our future butnI got defensive. 

He said he didn't know if he was in love with me anymore and lacked conviction about whether we could get the spark/connection.

Why can't he forgive me and why can't he start over? It's like he mentally decided it wouldnt work and shut me out.

Please help me! I want the old guy I fell in love with back!


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## SweetGirlNeedsHelp (Mar 22, 2013)

Anyone have any advice or been through this?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Forgive you????? Seriously? For what? He's the one that had the affair, which you two clearly never dealt with. Sounds like this relationship is now about him and his needs. Where do you and your needs come in? How much clearer can he be that he doesn't want you or the relationship? He just doesn't have the backbone to end it. either that or he's got someone else and is waiting to see if it works before he gets rid of you. Have some self respect and dump him now. Maybe if he sees you don't need him he'll come around but he certainly won't while you chase and beg. stop chasing and begging forgiveness when you haven't done anything wrong, it makes you like a doormat. Sorry to be so harsh but you deserve better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Yeah, kinda. When I started dating my wife, we were all hot and heavy for each other. All of a sudden, she gives me the "we need time apart" speech. In her mind, things were moving too fast and she just wanted alone time. In my mind, she was tossing me in the garbage. 
You say you love him and want a relationship but your actions when you had him said you didn't value him and didn't share his dreams, you weren't eager to merge with his family, and you wanted time away from him. 
This EA happened after you told him you wanted time away from him? 
This guy sounds like a fellow that makes a plan and works it. As you described events, it would be almost impossible to figure out what you wanted.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It obviously takes two to make a relationship work and it sounds to me as if he has checked out.

Focus on yourself and figure out what you want for your next relationship.


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## allowingthecakeeating (Mar 13, 2013)

I would be a bit concerned that after such a short marriage 
/relationship you both have had several issues to overcome and have not..... I would really encourage getting some marriage counseling. If he refuses, I would come up with your own plan. I am not necessarily saying "tell him it is over" but take a good long break to fiqure out what you both want in a marriage. Good luck


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