# What is going on? What should I be doing? Help!



## annanetet (Jun 27, 2011)

VERY long story short..
I have been married for 7 years, together for 11, 2 kids of our own, 2 step kids from his previous marraige.
My husband told me he wasn't in love with me anymore in 2009 and said it was all my problems and such. I started therapy and then I felt a ton better and then stopped. He told me how thigns were great as I would ask each month. Then a year laster in 2010 he started treating me terrible and making me miserable then he told me he has tried for a year and put a mask on and lied to me about things being good as they were not. He said he didn't love me like he thinks he should and dind't want the marraige the way it was. He said he thought a separation would be good. At first he wanted to move out on his own and then start dating and start over. Well he didn;'t have a job so he couldn't do that. He moved to his Mom's for two months. We talked all the time and saw each other most every weekend with the kids. He moved back in about 2 months later. He got a job a couple months after being back. Al this time he slept on the couch. At first he couldn't have sex anymore because he said he dind't feel right. Then that feeling stopped and we started having it again a lot like usual. (sorry). A couple of times after he's been back we have come to agrument that he has packed up but never left. He has said that he is going to move into a place by himself and figure himself out. He says how his feelings for me 'come and go' and things are going well but they just aren't where they shold be and that's all him. We both agreed that the house needs to be sold. He has had a list of things to do for over a year now for it to get ready. He has since done a couple of the things. He at first thought he was going crazy then thought it was a midlife crisis early. Now he just has no clue what's going on. We talk now and then about things and feelings. At first we talked all the time and got so much out. And now we just kind of coast through our day. He doens't help with much of anything around teh house nor the kids. He has done this for a while and resentment really sets in on my part. I work full time and have an hour drive home with the kids, come home (he's already there) and make dinner then clean up and get teh kids ready for bed, put them in bed and then tidy up the house. All this while he sits on the couch because he works too and is just so tired he says. About half of the time the kdis will go and give him a kiss good night. I feel like I am a single parent with a grown son. i'm not sure what the heck he thinks he's doing. I feel so unappreciated and unrespected. I have a huge trust issue with him do to lying to me about our relationship and lying about females he had been chatting with online. I'm not sure why I am writing this and what I am looking for. I think we are just staying in our house because it is comfortable. Moreso him than me. He wants out so then why doens't he just move along??


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Money. Or the ow is married too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## annanetet (Jun 27, 2011)

I know it is the money issue. He is not involved with anyone else for a fact. I feel like we haven't dealt with this issue very grown up at times. It's not a complete separation. The only thing is that he is not sleeping in bed and doesn't tell me he loves me. We get along fine. Just frustrates me he doens't do a thing with the kids and they gat bad when we are home for that negative attention from him. If he is so determined to get out and get himself taken care of he has had a year to plan and get it together. I am at the point I am getting tired of helping out and feel like he is just an older child that works and eats and sleeps. Then he gets into depressed stages and mopes around him for the poor him. He seems to feel like he is sacrificing his happiness to help us out. When he is very selfish and making our kids and I an option, not a priority!


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Sorry that you're going through this. You sound very unhappy in your marriage at the moment. Im not the best advice giver on here, going through a crushing separation myself but wanted you to know you aren't alone.

What I took from your post is that you have been doing most of the work in the marriage and trying to make it work for him-for a long time. It seems like it's not working for you anymore. 

He says his feelings come and go, he didnt feel right about sex and then he did, he now knows it is him with the problem and needs to essentially "figure himself out again", wants to move out on his own...oh brother. All of this should tell you that you need to stick up for yourself. He might be depressed, he might have mental issues he needs to deal with, who knows. You need to put your foot down and stick up for yourself, make things better for you and your kids not him. He needs to deal with his problems on his own. You ARE being disrespected and unappreciated, by saying those things to you but still sticking around and acting like nothing has happened he is essentially lying to your face. And you're kinda letting him get away with it! Unless he has said something to you to make you think his feelings for you have changed and he loves you again...you said you had been talking about your feelings and such?
I guess the big question you need to ask yourself is do you want this to work out in the end?


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## annanetet (Jun 27, 2011)

I am just so confused and mind f'ed! I have let him treat me like total crap. Financially I don't need him as i have been the bread winner and have paid all the bills pretty much the entire time we have been together. I don't know why I have let him get away with so much. All of my firends just want to punch him out for the things I have aloowed to happen. i hate myself more and more for the things I have allowed to happen. I don't know why I have just stood there and let these things happen. Do I love him? I think so. Or has that lvoe been so covered up? I don't know. He is totally set in what he wants to do. I am being strung along. I just don't know why I am doing the things I am....


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