# Wife sexual past and pressent



## Joe Scott (Jan 19, 2016)

I think you heard a lot about men with problems regarding their wife’s sexual past but can I tell you mine and ask if you can maybe tell me why I feel the way I do and why do this feelings come and go.

Me and my wife grew up in the same little town, Fist time I noted my wife were at a fair she were about 16 and I were just out of military service. I want over to talk to her but she just gave me a cold shoulder.
Years later she just finished school at a New Year festival she came over to speak to me, first time I seen her since that time she give me a cold shoulder. I were with friends and didn’t give any attention to her.
Few days after the fest a friend and I were eating at a Steakhouse where she were working. When I left she asked me for a lift home so I give her a lift home and long story short we started a relationship. 
My wife, her mom and two very younger brothers were staying with their aunt. Her father were an alcoholic and “worked” away from them. He seldom visited but when he does he were always drunk and caused lots off problems.
I had my own house by then and decided to go to her uncle’s house and collect all my wife’s stuff and take it to my house. I give her own room and furniture.
Now I knew my wife had sex before me met but then it were in my mind but not a priority issue. We started to have sex but she were very cold towards me. I just thought that is how it must be as she were my first and I didn’t know better. After marriage and I don’t know why I asked her with how many guys shed had sex before thinking it were like 2. She told me 6 and first time on her 17th birthday even told me about two guys at Prom. I were shocked as I have prepared myself for like 2 but I thought I had my emotions under control I tried not to think about it.
We were married for 3 years before our first child were born, my wife were extremely cold towards me when it came to sex. Even when walking in public she did not want to hold my hand or when we were out with friends or family she didn’t want to sit next to me. When I ask her if she would like a drink she declined but if someone ells give her a drink she will take it. If I crack a silly dirty joke she didn’t like it but if someone ells do it she thinks it is funny. Confronting her regarding all of this she made if it is nothing.
When our first child were born and my business were still young we started to have financial issues as business were slow. She were working and were always very happy around her colleges. One night she went out with a college which were a lesbian, I waited up the whole night waiting for her to return. She got home at 5am drunk and started fighting with me. That afternoon she told me she is leaving me and called her mother to collect them. I tried to speak to her mother but she told me she don’t want to interfere, her uncle told me how bad I am and so on. I managed to get a permanent job and things started looking better then she moved back. 
Things were going well then it starts bothering me and I started asking questions, first to myself.
Questions like:
Why did you spread your legs so easy for other guys even two in one night, guys that you say you did not have any feelings for? But for me that is your husband you are cold.
Why did you chose me, am I your escape from your horrible family life. If not why did you move back to your mother when I needed you most when I were financially down?


Years after she moved back I had enough guts to start asking a lot of bothering questions. She were very upset and told me she will answer when she is ready. 
So one day I asked her if she is ready and she started answering questions.
She answered all the questions waggle some she can even remember names according to her.
That even made me more confused as I were hoping for proper answers but only received opportunity for more questions.
From there on when I asked about certain things she slips on little details sometimes big details. She even swear every time that what she tell is totally the truth.

Now currently our oldest daughter, a teenager struggle with some personal issues and my wife try to tell me that that is from my part of the family. But she were the one shat spread her legs for attention.

I’m confuses with the way I feel, I love her but I don’t know how to express the feeling I have towards her regarding how she make me feel angry about a lot of things.
I were a sort loving person but became a hard individual because of her. 
When her dad passed away I were happy, he were suffering for years with cancer and I thought there is a thing called CARMA.
When her mother were diagnosed with breast cancer I didn’t feel sorry and hope she died. She knew my wife were very sexually active in school but didn’t do anything and I hate her for that. When she died I were happy 
My wife’s uncle the one they stayed with when she were in school is a real snob, he were always walking around in town as if he own it. When he speak to you he will always try make you feel below him. He were a wealthy farmer and lost everything. I were in seventh heaven when that happened. He also knew that my wife were sexually very active in school and did not do anything about it, but he will always preach to others and give advice.

I can’t stop feeling that she keep me as her life line and try now by all means to satisfy me after all these years as she have now were to go so she try to make now the best of what is available. 
Why do all of this still bother me every now and again. I wish I can express in words how I feel. 
Words that came to mind: ANGER, JUSTACE REVENGE, HATE, BETRAYD, MANUPILATED, DISGUSTED, CROSS, SUSPECIOS, CONFUSSED, RESENTED, DAMAGED, EMBARRESED, EMPTY, HUSSELED, LIED TO, LONELY, REGRET.
This is just some of the words, Bud the flipside is I still love her.

WHY?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Stop asking about other guys before you were married.

Start asking why you married her when she's always been cold towards you.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Her behavior has nothing to do with how many guys she was with. Doesn't sound like she's in love with you.

Questions like this: _Why did you spread your legs so easy for other guys even two in one night, guys that you say you did not have any feelings for? But for me that is your husband you are cold._

Would turn me off completely. Seriously, I'd likely never want you to touch me again. 

So drop the crap about her previous sex life and deal with why she isn't in love with you and doesn't want you. 

And this "
_Now currently our oldest daughter, a teenager struggle with some personal issues and my wife try to tell me that that is from my part of the family. But she were the one shat spread her legs for attention."_

Seriously, knock it off. It again has nothing to do with what is going on and you're wife will never want to have sex with you if this is how you feel about it.


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

Would it help it to simply know you aren't alone in this?

I have spent many hundred of hours in deep contemplation in the past year, with no answers in sight. I've learned a lot about myself and the human condition, but nothing to make me feel better.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

As others have pointed out, the real question is why you married her when it was obvious she wasn't very interested in you sexually.

That's a much bigger problem than what she did with other men before she met you.


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

Joe Scott said:


> I had my own house by then and decided to go to her uncle’s house and collect all my wife’s stuff and take it to my house. I give her own room and furniture.
> 
> Why did you chose me, am I your escape from your horrible family life.


OP you really have a lot going on here so I'm just going to pick a couple of things that jumped out at me.

The first quote says you moved her into your house and gave her a room. In the next sentence you're married. It sounds like you swooped in to save her. Were you expecting something in return a kin to a "white night scenario"? 

The second quote about accusing her of using you to escape her poor family situation could probably be true as you've portrayed her family life as pretty crappy. 

It wouldn't be the first time I've heard of that since it happened to me. My XW admitted it. If she did marry you to escape and just hung on all these years, it could explain why you guys don't really have that intimate connection. Maybe you got married for love and she didn't. That's very hard to reconcile. 

Lastly, don't ask about guys before you dated her or married her. It really isn't your business. Wether it's 2 or 6 or whatever, you weren't together so why do you want to know?

If you're thinking she treated them better than you and that might be true but it might not. I think it's all in your head, you're trying to rationalize everything going on around you. It's just not an appropriate comparison.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Assuming Joe Scott is not a troll, may I suggest English lessons as it will help you earn more money. Seriously, if what you are saying is correct you are likely going to be paying a lot from your divorce.

If you had questions about your girlfriend's past, you should have resolved them and gotten comfortable with things prior to marrying her and especially before having children with her.

You now are fighting with your wife over a rebellious teenager and her behavior along with fighting with your wife over how you feel she is treating you.

You and your wife both independently and together need to figure out if you want to save your marriage or end it. If you want to save it you and she need to work through anger and resentment. That means you need to stop being angry with her about the past. There is nothing you can do to change the past both before she met you and after she met you but before now. 

All the two of you can do is work on the future. If she doesn't want to work on a future with you, then divorce is likely and that will likely be quite expensive. There is nothing you can do to force your wife to change, only she can change herself.

If you were my brother, I would suggest you get marriage counseling to see if the two of you have a chance at working through your marriage problems. If you can't, then I would suggest you talk to a good divorce attorney. Good luck.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

To me, I wouldn't worry so much about the past. Kids do stupid things; However I would be very concerned about the present. You deserve better, and I hope you get it. Best wishes my friend.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Young at Heart said:


> Assuming Joe Scott is not a troll, may I suggest English lessons as it will help you earn more money. Seriously, if what you are saying is correct you are likely going to be paying a lot from your divorce.
> 
> .....................


Best advice of the day.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Who cares how many men she slept with before she met you? You don't sound like you love your wife, being glad her family members died. That's mean. How do you treat her? If you treat her the way you talk about her then I'm not surprised she doesn't want to hold your hand or have sex with you. Concentrate on improving your present life and stop being jealous and angry about your wifes past sex life.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Joe Scott,

Although everyone is saying how many guys your W slept with is none of your business, it is very much your business that your W lied to you and appears to continue to lie to you as her stories keep changing. 

Your W had the option to say that is none of your business, but not to give you a false number. Had she given you a more accurate number you could have left her at that time before you had more invested in the marriage. But your W removed that option by being dishonest with you.

The issue of her cheating on you during your marriage is an even bigger issue, you mention your W stayed out late with a Lesbian and then wanted to leave you, has whatever happened on that night been confessed by your W?

Tamat


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