# Prenups?



## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

Are the men here generally in support of these? And under what circumstances?

I'm interested in hearing about both sides of it...If you were wanting to protect your assets, or if your future wife had significant savings that she wanted to protect. 

Also, would it feel emasculating if your spouse were to earn more or own more than you? Or have a higher degree than you?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Never crossed my mind when we married. Always considered them planned failure but I can understand how in some instances one spouse or the other would want to protect pre-marriage assets. 

My wife has a higher level of education than me. Masters degree vs. bachelors. Never bothered me at all. I make significantly more money than she does. Doesn't bother her.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

lime said:


> Also, would it feel emasculating if your spouse were to earn more or own more than you? Or have a higher degree than you?


With no jest or sarcasm intended, I would find it absolutely hot!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Lime,

Deejo said I have a "dissertation" on this and he's probably right.

A prenup is more than just a document outlining how assets and liabilities would be distributed upon an unfortunate break-up. . .it is a "marital plan" for the future. How money will be handled (Joint checking, seperate), maybe life insurance, housing arrangements, renting. . .owning. . .whatever. . .yeah, it's not romantic, but marriage isn't all romance and sex.

With regards to money (the hot topic of prenups vs. religion or health or whatever), there is a legal term used in the divorce community - "Transmutation". Interesting word but it essentially means, even if a billionaire marries a pauper, after a certain amount of time, the assets become assumed to be 50/50.

I think that's fair, even within the confines of a pre-nup. I also think it's fair, on the other side of the spectrum, to say if a person marries you with significant assets and then divorces you next month, the money *hasn't* transmutated.

It's kind of a judgment call where this happens little by little. My SWAG (someone else wrote this - made me chuckle - Scientific Wild Ass Guess): 10-15 years?

I know I want my partner vested in what I own to a large degree, but I also have 3 kids to protect on my second (hopeful) marriage someday, when I meet the right person.

I think a lot of marriages would succeed better if goals, plans, dreams were written down prior to tying the knot vs. just saying, "Yeah, I love this person."


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My opinion, having a prenup is like buying accident insurance, you don't need it, but having it there makes you feel good, in case something bad happens, there is still money to back you up. 

If the other one doesn't mind it, why not? What if the other one finds this hurts and shows no trust, don't get married? I guess postponing marriage may not be a bad idea.

I think some people live in fear, fear of a lot of uncertainty. Worried about this and worried about that. When we live in fear, we can't do anything. 

Prenup is too remote for me, managing money separately is not my consideration. After all, it is only money!


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

My sister in law is from a much richer family & her family already gave her some assets before meeting my brother in law (husband's brother)

They did have a preup. It's very obvious that the wife wants to protect her assets.

What I think funny is they also separate everything after getting married.

They have bought a flat together & they share 50/50 of the property, including the mortgage, 1 mortgage has 2 payments, one portion for the wife to pay (mostly paid off by her rich family), the other portion for the husband to pay. 

Instead my husband & me don't have any preup. 

There's nothing we can't share & enjoy together.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Prenups don't sound too romantic, but I cherish peace of mind over anything else. If something did happen, and the other spouse "got everything", then the Monday morning quarterbacks all start saying "Shoulda got a prenup".
And if the spouse-to-be starts giving you guff about it, time to ask (yourself, then them) if they really want to be married?


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## Em-b's Bloke (Oct 12, 2010)

I'm getting married in June and my partner has three kids and property as well as future inheritances, all pre-me. She wants a prenup to protect her assets for the sake of her kids should anything happen to her.

On the one hand I think this is fair enough because in reality marriages often fail and why should I have the right to sting her for £50-100k after being married for a short time when she's worked for many years to have what she owns? 

On the other hand though, I'm a very romantic guy who has walked away from situations in the past empty handed where I could have taken money/possessions but didn't, so there's no way I would take anything from her if we did split, no matter what the circumstances. It makes me sad that it's necessary because I would prefer that she owned nothing at all, but I will sign it because I want her to have peace of mind and because I know we'll succeed as a couple and in years to come she will see that it was unnecessary.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> Lime,
> 
> Deejo said I have a "dissertation" on this and he's probably right.
> 
> A prenup is more than just a document outlining how assets and liabilities would be distributed upon an unfortunate break-up. . .it is a "marital plan" for the future. How money will be handled (Joint checking, seperate), maybe life insurance, housing arrangements, renting. . .owning. . .whatever. . .yeah, it's not romantic, but marriage isn't all romance and sex.


Have you ever had such a document? I am wondering if you could even get a lawyer to draft such an item up. What would be the point? Your spouse changes their mind and wants a joint checking account when you agreed separate in your prenup... What are you going to do, wave the prenup at them? Divorce? You can divorce over the checking account without a prenup. No court would care.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Em-b's Bloke said:


> I'm getting married in June and my partner has three kids and property as well as future inheritances, all pre-me. She wants a prenup to protect her assets for the sake of her kids should anything happen to her.
> 
> On the one hand I think this is fair enough because in reality marriages often fail and why should I have the right to sting her for £50-100k after being married for a short time when she's worked for many years to have what she owns?
> 
> On the other hand though, I'm a very romantic guy who has walked away from situations in the past empty handed where I could have taken money/possessions but didn't, so there's no way I would take anything from her if we did split, no matter what the circumstances. It makes me sad that it's necessary because I would prefer that she owned nothing at all, but I will sign it because I want her to have peace of mind and because I know we'll succeed as a couple and in years to come she will see that it was unnecessary.


What's often overlooked though is that divorce isn't the only circumstance that a prenup plans and protects for. Of course it depends on the laws etc. where you're at, but in many cases a valid prenup can override probate law, much like a will can. So your fiancee is actually quite right in saying that she wants this in case anything happens to her.  With a document like this, she's clearly stating her wishes because should the worse come about (God forbid!) her property would automatically go to you, her husband (again in most places). However, if her children went back to their father, which would be the most logical assumption then she just has to trust that you're still going to feel that it's right to transfer everything back to them and how to do that, once everything is of course out of probate and it's been taxed ten times along the way. 

A well executed prenup simply provides one more layer of protection for any number of circumstances, not just divorce. I think of it this way: my family and my husband know my feelings about life support etc. should I ever become incapacitated. But you'd better believe I also have a binding Living Will to make it official should it happen and all the feelings and drama become involved. To me it's just the responsible thing to do for something I feel strongly about.


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