# Any Men who DON'T have "Touch" as their Primary Love Language?



## Mer-Maid (Nov 23, 2013)

I hadn't heard about "love languages" until coming to this site and I think they are a great way of helping couples understand each other better. From the posts I've read it seems that all men have "touch" as their primary love language and that touch is _less often _the primary for women.

*Do any of the men here have a primary love language other than 'Touch'? * If so, what is it? Thanks so much!


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Mine was touch but Words of Affirmation was a very close second and I think on given days, is probably more of a force.

My wife seemed to be in a three-way tie between Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Gifts. I have no shortage of ways to love on her.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Convection said:


> Mine was touch but Words of Affirmation was a very close second...



Wow, same with me. Touch is very important for me, no question, but words of affirmation are important too.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

My wife read the book, loved it, hers are "acts of service" I read the book and considered it a giant waste of time. So many of the questions I had to guess on because I really had no opinion on them. To me my primary love language is SEX! which is not just touching. I don't care if she holds my hand, I don't really want her to just touch me. I want her to want to F_CK ME! She doesn't want to and that's our biggest problem. Ugh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

How about food?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

Sbrown said:


> My wife read the book, loved it, hers are "acts of service" I read the book and considered it a giant waste of time. So many of the questions I had to guess on because I really had no opinion on them. To me my primary love language is SEX! which is not just touching. I don't care if she holds my hand, I don't really want her to just touch me. I want her to want to F_CK ME! She doesn't want to and that's our biggest problem. Ugh.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


S, sex is included in touch. ALL kinds of touch!


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> My wife read the book, loved it, hers are "acts of service" I read the book and considered it a giant waste of time. So many of the questions I had to guess on because I really had no opinion on them. To me my primary love language is SEX! which is not just touching. I don't care if she holds my hand, I don't really want her to just touch me. I want her to want to F_CK ME! She doesn't want to and that's our biggest problem. Ugh.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sbrown...you might want to go thru this book again...it is pretty good. YOU would benefit from telling your wife what your real love languages (plural) are....let her know it is more than just sex. Just my opinion. :smthumbup:


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Maybe I should reread it, I don't remember sex being mentioned once but maybe I missed it. 

Details, it's not more than sex, sex is the ONLY thing that separates a marriage from every other type of relationship. Acts of service, heck anybody can do you an act of service, same thing with words of affirmation, I don't like getting gifts....and my wife touches me daily, nothing says "I love you" to me like great sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

All guys?
Now I feel like the oddball

Me
1.quality time
2.words of affirmation 
Wife
1.physical touch
2.gifts


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> Maybe I should reread it, I don't remember sex being mentioned once but maybe I missed it.
> 
> Details, it's not more than sex, sex is the ONLY thing that separates a marriage from every other type of relationship. Acts of service, heck anybody can do you an act of service, same thing with words of affirmation, I don't like getting gifts....and my wife touches me daily, nothing says "I love you" to me like great sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I would bet you need MORE than just sex from her. Don't get me wrong, I love sex too, and want more of it, but my wife does many other important things that make my life wonderful. I am sure yours does too.


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

Mer-Maid said:


> I hadn't heard about "love languages" until coming to this site and I think they are a great way of helping couples understand each other better. From the posts I've read it seems that all men have "touch" as their primary love language and that touch is _less often _the primary for women.
> 
> *Do any of the men here have a primary love language other than 'Touch'? * If so, what is it? Thanks so much!


My husband's primary love language is Acts of Service. So I do things for him such as make sure he has good meals or buy items at the store that he may forget about. 

Touch is my love language and I am female. I know I am not typical in the way I approach sex and marriage.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

I Notice The Details said:


> I would bet you need MORE than just sex from her. Don't get me wrong, I love sex too, and want more of it, but my wife does many other important things that make my life wonderful. I am sure yours does too.


Sex is the only thing that separates a marriage from a friendship. My wife is my best friend but had she refused to have sex with me when we started dating we would be just friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SportingChance (Dec 7, 2013)

I Notice The Details said:


> Wow, same with me. Touch is very important for me, no question, but words of affirmation are important too.


:iagree: for both. For me, it's more of her desire to want to touch that makes the difference, versus touch just because it's my language.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Hubby's love languages:
Shows love through "acts of service"
Receives love through...
1. Quality Time
2. Words of affirmation

Me ... show love and receive love through...

1. Physical Touch
2. Physical Touch (More)
3. Words of affirmation

We are a total mismatch  so we have to work a meeting each others love language and recognizing our different needs.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Sbrown...I get what you are saying.

To me, a better way for couples to understand each other's needs is the Emotional Needs Questionaire at Marriage Builders. It helps you rank your top 10 emotional needs sex is one of them. This is the questionaire itself, but one should also read more about the Basic Concepts to apply the questionaire properly.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forms/enq.pdf

More to read on this topics:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4501_enq.html


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> Sex is the only thing that separates a marriage from a friendship. My wife is my best friend but had she refused to have sex with me when we started dating we would be just friends.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I get that but I wouldn't tell your wife that. If you have expressed that to her, she probably thinks you only see her as a piece of ass instead of a PARTNER in life. 

If you want more sex you should find out what her love languages are so that she feels closer to you and WANTS to have sex vs. just being a piece of meat with a vagina.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I get that but I wouldn't tell your wife that. If you have expressed that to her, she probably thinks you only see her as a piece of ass instead of a PARTNER in life.
> 
> If you want more sex you should find out what her love languages are so that she feels closer to you and WANTS to have sex vs. just being a piece of meat with a vagina.


Hers are acts of service. Hers are covered. That was a big problem for us about 6 moths ago. All I heard was "all you want is sex" I explained to her that sex is easy to get, I want to have sex with my wife. I want my wife to want to have sex with me. She doesn't, has said she couldn't care less if she ever had sex again. 

But sex is my love language! NOT "touching."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I get that but I wouldn't tell your wife that. If you have expressed that to her, she probably thinks you only see her as a piece of ass instead of a PARTNER in life.
> 
> If you want more sex you should find out what her love languages are so that she feels closer to you and WANTS to have sex vs. just being a piece of meat with a vagina.


Like I said in my other post her love language is acts of service, so should I feel like an indentured servant since she refuses to meet my needs? Or should I quit doing acts of service until she chooses to speak my love language?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Sbrown,

I understand you language is sex. I went through a long dry spell myself. (roughly 10 years, not sexless, but poor quality and very poor quantity)

Sex is a sub-component in the language of touch. If your starved for sex, then sex will look like your language. 


Have you read the primer?

Blog | Married Man Sex Life


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> ....All I heard was "all you want is sex" I explained to her that sex is easy to get, I want to have sex with my wife. I want my wife to want to have sex with me. She doesn't, has said she couldn't care less if she ever had sex again.
> 
> But sex is my love language! NOT "touching."
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know your language is sex....but I think you are missing the point that many other things can lead to sex....especially "touch". Physical touch bonds the two of you together, and touching can sometimes lead to sex. 

If your wife says..."all you want is sex"...you might consider trying other things that fulfill HER needs, while communicating clearly what your needs are. It is always a two way street. How long have you been married?


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Yes I've read that, and it did help for a few weeks. While sex may be a sub component of touch for some, it isn't for me. Sure I like her hugs but I wouldn't consider divorce if she quit hugging me as much. 

Details, I agree that touch should lead to sex for a married couple it rarely does in my house. HER needs are fulfilled, her love languages are acts of service, there is no problem there. I've tried it all. She USED to say that all I wanted was sex, but that has been 6 months or so since she has said that. I'm out of ways to communicate my needs. I'm left with only one option imo. I've been married 4 years, been in a near sex less marriage 4 years.

But back to my original point about this thread. While some guys say touching is their love language and got a lot from the book. I thought it did those of us that don't fit the authors predetermined 5 languages a disservice. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I do understand what your saying Sbrown, but I also think you have to add to the "5 love languages" your own personal sex drive. Something tells me you are HD and touch is your love language. This combination makes for a powerful punch especially if your spouse is a mismatch to you. I am the reverse...my hubby is LD and acts of service for showing love and quality time for recieving love and I am HD and touch for recieving and showing love. It is and always will be a struggle for us because for us to be successful we have to adjust and compromise to meet each others needs....it is not our natural instinct.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

mineforever said:


> Hubby's love languages:
> Shows love through "acts of service"
> Receives love through...
> 1. Quality Time
> ...


Hers is Touch [receive love ]. Acts of service [show love ] 

Mine is acts of service [ show love ]. Quality time [ receive love]


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

If you honestly think you have met her needs fully and you're left out in the cold, you may just have to sit her down and tell her that you understand she doesn't care that much for sex but you will NOT spend the rest of your life sexless and you'll have to move on. This might be the wake-up call she needs to realize you are quite serious about your needs.


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

Sbrown my husband had the same issue with the quiz.....he doesn't really care if I hold his hand or not or send him lovey dovey emails. For me it changes.....when I was in a previous relationship he was way too touchy feely....he thought I was cold and I felt suffocated. With my husband now, I am more into the touchy feely stuff....he likes it too but when I complain that he hasn't hugged me yet in the day for example, he will say, but didn't I make you a great meal? So I guess acts of service are more important to him in showing love.....but I know when I stop hugging him or asking for a kiss he feels something is up and that can't be cured by me saying "but I took the garbage out didn't I"? rejecting his advances is the worst thing I can do so wouldn't that make touch important to him?


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## TheJourneyBegins (Feb 24, 2012)

Convection said:


> Mine was touch but Words of Affirmation was a very close second and I think on given days, is probably more of a force.
> 
> My wife seemed to be in a three-way tie between Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Gifts. I have no shortage of ways to love on her.


Exactly the same for me. Touch/WOA


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## TheJourneyBegins (Feb 24, 2012)

SportingChance said:


> :iagree: for both. For me, it's more of her desire to want to touch that makes the difference, versus touch just because it's my language.


YES! That makes touch almost an act of service, doesn't it? BTW, my wife used to think hers was physical touch before she took the test. Found out it WASN'T, that it was:
1. Acts of Service
2. Quality Time


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Sbrown said:


> My wife read the book, loved it, hers are "acts of service" I read the book and considered it a giant waste of time. So many of the questions I had to guess on because I really had no opinion on them. To me my primary love language is SEX! which is not just touching. I don't care if she holds my hand, I don't really want her to just touch me. I want her to want to F_CK ME! She doesn't want to and that's our biggest problem. Ugh.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


From your keystrokes to God's ears.

Read the questonnaire and thought the same thing. Waste of time.

Sent it to my wife...never even acknolwedged receiving it.

My marriage is in a "great" place right now.


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## Mer-Maid (Nov 23, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> Hers is Touch [receive love ]. Acts of service [show love ]
> 
> Mine is acts of service [ show love ]. Quality time [ receive love]


It's a great point that we each have two love languages - the things that make us feel loved by others and the way we express our own affection!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

IMO, the biggest problem with the love languages (and I agree in principle with them) is that in practical application it seems like sex/touch is usually dependent on the other spouse's needs getting met FIRST.

So if my language is touch (read sex) and my spouse's language is acts of service, the general wisdom seems to be that me getting my needs met is contingent upon her first getting her needs met for an unquantifiable time-frame before she feels loved enough to bother returning the love.

Mind you, I'm not saying that excuses me for not meeting her needs in the meantime. I'm just saying that for all intents and purposes, all love languages are not created equally.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

I understand why you might feel that way, Fozzy, but I think the love languages are supposed to carry equal weight. If your wife does not care enough about you to want to please you, you should reduce the acts of service that you provide her. You need to take some action to get her attention and let her know that she is not making you feel loved. Her love language is not more important than yours is.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

skype said:


> I understand why you might feel that way, Fozzy, but I think the love languages are supposed to carry equal weight. If your wife does not care enough about you to want to please you, you should reduce the acts of service that you provide her. You need to take some action to get her attention and let her know that she is not making you feel loved. Her love language is not more important than yours is.


You may be right in the end, but I don't like the idea of using someone else's bad behavior to justify my own.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

Actions are the best way I know of to get someone's attention, and let them know that you are serious about not allowing them to ignore your needs.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I think some people incorrectly believe that touch is their love language. They only enjoy sexual touch. When you ask them about hugging, touching their kids, sister, parents, and friends many times their answers change. That's why some people get into a rut of only getting touched when their is a sexual component involved. We had that problem for a while.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Giro flee said:


> I think some people incorrectly believe that touch is their love language. They only enjoy sexual touch. When you ask them about hugging, touching their kids, sister, parents, and friends many times their answers change. That's why some people get into a rut of only getting touched when their is a sexual component involved. We had that problem for a while.


I think you're probably right in a lot of cases. Myself, I DO enjoy non-sexual touching, but only from my wife. Hugging, holding hands....it's all good. However the thought of being touched by virtually anyone else is just weird. Getting a backrub from a masseuse or something of that nature gives me the heebies.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

SBrown, I think you are confusing "needs" with "love languages".

Sex is very clearly a need, especially noticeable when it is lacking. But assuming your need for sex was being fulfilled, which of the love languages resonate more clearly for you (for either giving OR receiving)?

For me, acts of service are the way I receive love, with physical touch (non-sexual as much as sexual) a near second. At times I crave more touch, or more words of affirmations - it may vary but generally when someone does something for me unconditionally, I feel the most loved.

edit: actually, I remember when I did this questionnaires quality time ranked higher than physical touch for me, which is probably true for the way I show love.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

My husband hates being touched by anybody but me, even then touching in any way leads him to sexual thoughts. My son is a real touchy person. He constantly touches people on the arm, hugs everybody, gives out neck rubs, etc. his love language is touch, my husbands is not. My H likes sex a lot and immediately thought his love language was touch, he was wrong. He enjoys words of affirmation, quality time, and then acts of service. Touch and gifts ended up at the bottom.


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## Applejuice (Feb 21, 2014)

Hmmm.. never come across this 'til you brought it up in your OP but judging by the limited material I've read on the subject now I'd say:

Me at 21:

1. AoS
2. WoA
3. QT
4. PT
5. RG

Now a decade on:

1. WoA
2. QT
3. AoS
4. RG
5. PT

I'm not sure I agree with the underlying psychology but who knows.. I always welcome new ideas in the field.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Lon said:


> SBrown, I think you are confusing "needs" with "love languages".
> 
> Sex is very clearly a need, especially noticeable when it is lacking. But assuming your need for sex was being fulfilled, which of the love languages resonate more clearly for you (for either giving OR receiving)?
> 
> ...


I show love by acts of service, I have no idea what comes after sex, as I stated earlier most of the questions I guessed on because I had no opinion either way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I did a thread on this here... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-languages-how-does-affect-your-marraige.html (has the test link )...

We are both runner ups for Time & Touch...and the rest flowing in the same order too....loving each other has always come very naturally... I am sure this is why!....

(*Me* ...........11 Quality time, 8 Physical Touch, 7 Words of Affirmation, 4 Acts of Service, 0 gifts) 
(*Husband*...10 Quality time, 9 Physical Touch, 5 Words of Affirmation, 5 Acts of Service, 1 gifts)

This post is taken off of this thread near the end... I gave an example of another couple who were complete opposites to us... could I be married to a man like this.. I think I would PULL MY HAIR OUT...







..



> *Simplyamorous said*: a story about an older couple I personally know..., I've sat & ate lunch with them a # of times, been in & out of their house, witnessed their marriage in action, I do a job for them so I have gotten to know them over the past year very nicely .... ...that just illustrates how easily these love languages flow within a marriage ... when they are in sinc with each other...
> 
> Now, she is an excellent Cook , I enjoy getting recipes from her, so I asked her one day "How often does your husband compliment your cooking? ".... she says immediately "Never", she wasn't upset or anything....then goes on to tell me something I would have a hard time believing...
> 
> ...


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## Mer-Maid (Nov 23, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> IMO, the biggest problem with the love languages (and I agree in principle with them) is that *in practical application it seems like sex/touch is usually dependent on the other spouse's needs getting met FIRST.*
> 
> So if my language is touch (read sex) and my spouse's language is acts of service, the general wisdom seems to be that me *getting my needs met is contingent upon her first getting her needs met for an unquantifiable time-frame before she feels loved enough to bother returning the love.*
> 
> Mind you, I'm not saying that excuses me for not meeting her needs in the meantime. I'm just saying that for all intents and purposes, all love languages are not created equally.





Fozzy said:


> You may be right in the end, but I don't like the idea of using someone else's bad behavior to justify my own.



Fozzy best describes my biggest confusion when reading on this site. *If a person only satisfies their mate's love language/emotional needs for the purpose of getting their own satisfied, then are they really showing love?*

If a wife only sleeps with her husband so he'll stop complaining, or so he'll do things for her (or repayment for support, etc.), then she didn't do it just to make him happy because she loves him. If a man only converses with his wife (communication being what makes her feel loved) so that she'll give him what he wants (usually physical intimacy), then he didn't do it for her at all, he did it for himself; an investment in getting his own wishes granted later.

*Shouldn't real expressions of love be performed solely for the sake of the loved one, because we want them to be happy, without reward/repayment being in the back of our minds?*

Of course, I understand that true marital happiness would require that both parties put the other mate first in order for each to rightfully receive the love they require.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Mer-Maid said:


> Fozzy best describes my biggest confusion when reading on this site. *If a person only satisfies their mate's love language/emotional needs for the purpose of getting their own satisfied, then are they really showing love?*
> 
> If a wife only sleeps with her husband so he'll stop complaining, or so he'll do things for her (or repayment for support, etc.), then she didn't do it just to make him happy because she loves him. If a man only converses with his wife (communication being what makes her feel loved) so that she'll give him what he wants (usually physical intimacy), then he didn't do it for her at all, he did it for himself; an investment in getting his own wishes granted later.
> 
> ...


Thank you for stating that more clearly. I don't words well.


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## TheJourneyBegins (Feb 24, 2012)

Mer-Maid said:


> Fozzy best describes my biggest confusion when reading on this site. *If a person only satisfies their mate's love language/emotional needs for the purpose of getting their own satisfied, then are they really showing love?*
> 
> If a wife only sleeps with her husband so he'll stop complaining, or so he'll do things for her (or repayment for support, etc.), then she didn't do it just to make him happy because she loves him. If a man only converses with his wife (communication being what makes her feel loved) so that she'll give him what he wants (usually physical intimacy), then he didn't do it for her at all, he did it for himself; an investment in getting his own wishes granted later.
> 
> ...


Giving to get is the hallmark of a covert contract; giving with strings attached as it were. This can only (and I know from experience) lead to significant resentment as you pour more and more effort into maintaining your side of a contract that your SO doesn't even know you made. So, when you meet all of her needs and she doesn't respond, you become angry. Love is (should be) predicated on giving without the expectation of receiving anything; just for the sake of the giver and without any expectation of reciprocity. Hard pill to swallow for us NGs who live and die by covert contracts.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Sbrown said:


> I show love by acts of service, I have no idea what comes after sex, as I stated earlier most of the questions I guessed on because I had no opinion either way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So which love language is most concise for you to receive love? When do you admire your wife the most:

When she tells you how much she appreciates the work you do?
When she grabs your arm as you walk beside her, or rubs your back after a hard day?
When she gave you that awesome Taylormade driver you were talking about once and never realized she was listening?
When she makes you a delicious steak and egg breakfast served with a smile?
When it is just the two of you talking over a glass of wine or looking at the stars?

Of the above scenarios, which one sounds like it would make you the happiest? (and don't just say "the one that leads to sex")

Which of those scenarios do you honestly picture her being receptive to?

I'm not saying that this is how it is, in marriages with a lot of resentment, the love languages get stifled. My attempt to engage you in conversation is to help you see where to look if you want more sex.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Of all the scenarios you listed, not one is exclusive to a married couple. Do you think I'm lying when I say I had to guess on the questions asked in the book? The only one I have any opinion on is the gift giving. I hate receiving gifts, it makes me uncomfortable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Sbrown said:


> Of all the scenarios you listed, not one is exclusive to a married couple. Do you think I'm lying when I say I had to guess on the questions asked in the book? The only one I have any opinion on is the gift giving. I hate receiving gifts, it makes me uncomfortable.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Doesn't matter if it is "exclusive" to marriage or not, it is still the day-to-day work of being in a relationship with someone. I don't think you are lying about anything, but I do think you are closed of to the idea of non-verbal communication, with people of all relations to you, using love languages. Feel free to ignore it, just don't criticise it then.

It is not about "do this to get that", it is simply about caring about someone else and showing them love in ways that give them life rather than take it out of them. For you, getting gifts takes life out of you - and it is a very good thing for you to recognize that... but keep giving it thought and if you recognize ways in which others can give you life, then tell them. And when you interact with your W, find out what things give her life.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Her love language is acts of service and woa. No problem there, My wife receiving love isn't the problem. Imo it matters greatly that those are things are not exclusive to marriage. Why/how can anyone feel special or loved by an act that your SO does/can do for other people?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

QUALITY TIME for me......by far. It is the thing I did not have for my entire 24 year marriage......(one of many things, actually)


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Sbrown said:


> Why/how can anyone feel special or loved by an act that your SO does/can do for other people?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Easy. I feel loved when my GF does nice things for me every time, and it does not feel any less special when she shows love to the other people in her life. I am not referring to monogamous intimacy between spouses though, I am talking about the brotherly kind of love. It's not that kind of love that drives sexual attraction, however it is that kind of love that creates a foundation of communication in order to connect on a deeper level. Often times it is that foundation of love that is preventing the communication that allows sexual affection, so using love languages to repair a broken relationship can restore a satisfying sex life, assuming the attraction was ever there to begin with. Love language has nothing to do with exclusivity, it is the foundation of every relation. Without that foundation there is no marriage. Marriage is not the foundation that love is built on, that would be upside down.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I did a thread on this here... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-languages-how-does-affect-your-marraige.html (has the test link )...
> 
> We are both runner ups for Time & Touch...and the rest flowing in the same order too....loving each other has always come very naturally... I am sure this is why!....
> 
> ...


Thanks for posting SA, I was tring to remember this^^^ exact table.
Think I'll save and print!


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Lol ok lon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Sbrown said:


> Lol ok lon.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am sorry for coming across condescending. I was trying to offer advice that you can take or leave. However I have reread this thread and looked at your old thread about the tips for men and it seems you have awareness of the love languages already (even if you are reluctant to acknowledge the ones that apply to you the most). So then is it fair to say that all her emotional, physical and sexual needs are being fulfilled , and all your emotional and physical needs are fulfilled just not the sexual ones?

If you have told your W, and showed her what your needs are, and she is unable and unwilling to even try to help you fulfill them, then its not really an equal partnership, is it?


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

Mer-Maid said:


> I hadn't heard about "love languages" until coming to this site and I think they are a great way of helping couples understand each other better. From the posts I've read it seems that all men have "touch" as their primary love language and that touch is _less often _the primary for women.
> 
> *Do any of the men here have a primary love language other than 'Touch'? * If so, what is it? Thanks so much!


Touch
Acts of service
Words of affirmation

Sad thing, it just sounds like a good blowjob to me :scratchhead:


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Sbrown said:


> Details, it's not more than sex, sex is the ONLY thing that separates a marriage from every other type of relationship. Acts of service, heck anybody can do you an act of service, same thing with words of affirmation, I don't like getting gifts....and my wife touches me daily, nothing says "I love you" to me like great sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sex is the only thing different in your marriage from the relationships you have with others? Must be a guy thing. What about emotions and emotional affairs?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Lon said:


> Sex is very clearly a need.


I agree with the above for men. But it is comparable to emotional intimacy for most women. What I don't understand us why men will be quick to agree that sex is a need but not understand why their wife won't meet their need. Are you meeting hers or does someone else fulfill her emotional needs? A sister, a friend... Why is the one way street ok? Why would you expect to get without giving?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

ebp123 said:


> I agree with the above for men. But it is comparable to emotional intimacy for most women. What I don't understand us why men will be quick to agree that sex is a need but not understand why their wife won't meet their need. Are you meeting hers or does someone else fulfill her emotional needs? A sister, a friend... Why is the one way street ok? Why would you expect to get without giving?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When I say "need" I don't mean physiological like water and food, I mean it is a relationship need... and while there are a very few exceptions, sexual needs for a woman are just as important as for men, and correspondingly emotional intimacy is just as critical a need for men as it is for women. How we express and meet those needs is obviously different, but they are necessary for a relationship.

Reading SBrowns other threads I think he has demonstrated an exemplory effort to meet his W's emotional intimacy needs. I can't tell anything else about his situation though - either they are not communicating effectively about their relationship needs, particularly his, or else she is deliberately avoiding meeting his needs. Perhaps there is was sexual abuse, perhaps it is hormonal, perhaps she is holding resentment about some other unfulfilled need that she hasn't been able to communicate, perhaps he isn't initiating strongly enough, perhaps perhaps...

But if his W is unable and unwilling to help him get his relationship need for sex, there is a serious problem that is threatening the marriage.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have never read the book but understand the concept. I really think that mine is quality time. When I was married I wanted to spend more time with her, even if it was just outside having a beer and talking..... Her reality tv shows were more important. 

Having said this that what was lacking in my marriage. Had it been that we never had sex that would maybe change my view but I have never been in a sexless relationship so I have no perspective on that. 

My GF and I talk now all the time, for hours and actually do things together. Much happier this way


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

H is words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service. They all tied based on the test but he feels his main one is words with quality time close behind. Touch was a a point or so below them.

Touch is in my top 3.


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## groovebaer63 (Jan 9, 2014)

Mer-Maid said:


> I hadn't heard about "love languages" until coming to this site and I think they are a great way of helping couples understand each other better. From the posts I've read it seems that all men have "touch" as their primary love language and that touch is _less often _the primary for women.
> 
> *Do any of the men here have a primary love language other than 'Touch'? * If so, what is it? Thanks so much!


Who am I to know ... I guess it sure is my primary love language ...
and I can't keep my hands off my wife :butterfly:


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I am equally Quality Time and Touch.

In my opinion, sex is it's own separate language. It in fact incorporates all the others. To me there is a big difference between non-sexual touch and sex. Touch is very rewarding for me and even if we're not having sex it is a necessary thing for me to feel connected.


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