# Don’t know what to do anymore. Should I let her go?



## Colombianog30 (Jul 22, 2017)

Hello all,

so we are considering separating and divorcing. 
we have been in a rocky relationship for the past 6 years. I have cheated on her and not putting her first. I used to have a Facebook that I deactivated and not deleted. This morning she got a notification of a tag from years ago where someone commented and on my old Facebook and well she said this was it. I had not logged in in years on that one and well now she wants to break it off. Is it just me to step up as a man and just let her be happy since I am not doing that?


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Colombianog30 said:


> Hello all,
> 
> so we are considering separating and divorcing.
> we have been in a rocky relationship for the past 6 years. I have cheated on her and not putting her first. I used to have a Facebook that I deactivated and not deleted. This morning she got a notification of a tag from years ago where someone commented and on my old Facebook and well she said this was it. I had not logged in in years on that one and well now she wants to break it off. Is it just me to step up as a man and just let her be happy since I am not doing that?


If she is willing to keep you, do everything you can to show that there are no secrets between you and her. Delete your Facebook page, or make it inaccessible to you by having her change the password to something forgettable. Let her go through all your emails and give her free access to your email accounts and texts. Don't hide your phone or do anything that suggests that you have any secrets and go from there.


----------



## Colombianog30 (Jul 22, 2017)

I deleted that already this morning. We have also problems with my family. She feels uncomfortable around my family and I have not put her first in front of them so now she does not want to be involved with my family at all unless they respect her. I know they have no ill will towards her but now that is on top of other issues. Now every fight gets escalated yelling and screaming and just not healthy.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Colombianog30 said:


> I deleted that already this morning. We have also problems with my family. She feels uncomfortable around my family and I have not put her first in front of them so now she does not want to be involved with my family at all unless they respect her. I know they have no ill will towards her but now that is on top of other issues. Now every fight gets escalated yelling and screaming and just not healthy.


I'm glad to hear that.
If you want to fix this, you need to find out what she needs in order to be secure. 
Right now, she doesn't trust you and it's understandable that she doesn't trust you. 

Assuming that she wants to fix this, let her know calmly that you are willing to do what is necessary and you only need to know what to do. 
If it's1000 things, you will keep 1000 things.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Colombianog30 said:


> Hello all,
> 
> so we are considering separating and divorcing.
> we have been in a rocky relationship for the past 6 years. I have cheated on her and not putting her first. I used to have a Facebook that I deactivated and not deleted. This morning she got a notification of a tag from years ago where someone commented and on my old Facebook and well she said this was it. I had not logged in in years on that one and well now she wants to break it off. Is it just me to step up as a man and just let her be happy since I am not doing that?


You've been a cheat and your family doesn't get along with her. 

Yes you should let her go. She deserves better and your life will be better when you start fresh and have integrity.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

You ended the marriage when you cheated on her. Time to accept that and let her move on.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If that’s what she wants then, yes, you should let her go.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

If she wants out, you need to let her go and give her a fair and easy divorce. All you can do at this point is work on yourself and better yourself. If she sees the effort and wants to reconcile, then you can try. If not, you have still made positive changes that will lead to a better life.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Colombianog30 said:


> Hello all,
> 
> so we are considering separating and divorcing.
> we have been in a rocky relationship for the past 6 years. I have cheated on her and not putting her first. I used to have a Facebook that I deactivated and not deleted. This morning she got a notification of a tag from years ago where someone commented and on my old Facebook and well she said this was it. I had not logged in in years on that one and well now she wants to break it off.


I moved this post here from another thread you had on this same topic. You will get better responses if you keep to one thread on a topic.



Colombianog30 said:


> "She has a verily strong character and I do not. Every fight is her yelling with anger which I have caused but just feel defeated because anything that i do is ****


How often does she yell at you in anger? Other than you cheating what is she so angry about?


----------



## Lonelywife82 (Jul 31, 2021)

I had the same issue where my hubby had cheated on me and he deleted his facebook and we got a shared facebook page instead. He was an open book ie if I wanted to check his phone he would allow it. I got back with him in the first place because of the kids (I know that's not the right thing to do). Eventually I became a control freak and was overly controlling because I was that paranoid. I'd check his vehicle tracker, his messages, the phone bill, CCTV seeing who he spoke to. Its not healthy being like that. We ended up splitting up because of my controlling (granted it came from his cheating).

We did get back together and eventually I did start to trust him without all the controlling behaviour but it took a long time. I look back now and can't believe that I got that way as it is simply not me. I was in a very bad place. However, we did sort it out and had some very good times but it will take a strong couple to get past it. I don't regret getting back with him because like I said, we had some good memories and a son we wouldn't of had if we didn't get back together.

We are going through a separation now but I can honestly say the past cheating is nothing to do with it.


----------

