# why has this happened? so confused



## blondy (Nov 30, 2012)

Hello. Im separated from my husband. We had been married for just over a year. I discovered he was texting another woman but hadnt met her saying things he shudnt be saying. When i confronted him he told me he didnt love me and loved this woman. After having time to think he then said he did love me. This up and down emotional state went on for 2 weeks. I then found out that him and this woman were planning to meet altho we were on a trial separation at the time.

A few days later he began texting me again saying that this other woman had ignored him. I looked into divorce and told him, he then asked to meet me. A week later I met him and he again told me how much he had missed me and still loves me. He said he didnt want to rush back into anything so we would take it slow. Even agreed to go to marriage councelling. We met up a few times in the week that followed. He never stopped telling me he loves me and wanted us to work out.

Then a few hours after seeing him one day he text saying he wanted to walk away from us. He said this other woman had text him saying the reason she ignored him was because I had text her telling her to stay away which wasnt true. He believed me but still said he didnt know about us and he asked me to give him space so i did. I text him later that week asking how he was and he never replied. I stupidly went through his fonebill and found he had been texting a different number so text it saying I was his wife and i knew he was with her. She rang me saying they were just friends but he had been staying with her for a couple of days. They are now in a relationship together, yet he has only met her just over a week ago! He has since told me he no longer loves me and doesnt want me and has got a new number etc. 

Im so confused. He met her the day after I had last seen him and after this other woman had text lying about me. He seemed happy taking it slow with me but now doesnt wanna know. We were together for 5 years before we got married. He has had a drug problem in the last couple of years which seemed to get worse in the last few months. Why would he tell me he loves me if he didnt? Why has he jumped straight into another relationship so quickly?

He said he hadnt loved me for a long time but when I was going to leave him after finding out how bad the drug problem was he begged me not to saying he couldnt live without me and how much he loves me. I did accuse him a lot due to the texts he would send women and because of the drugs.

The woman he with now isnt the woman he was texting in our marriage. He also suffered depression but didnt take his tabs all the time and has stopeed completely now. Im not sure whether the drugs have messed him up and if he will realise he has made a mistake. He was always as loving as normal toward me throughout the whole of our relationship. We even went to our favourite uk destination for our year anniversary a couple of months ago. He wont talk to me as his new partner text me saying im to have no contact with him or his family. he wont explain to me why this has happened either. can anyone give me possible answers please its driving me insane!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Sounds like he wants to be with this other women, but is scared of leaving what he knows (you) for the unknown. So he is being torn between the two of you. Causing him to jump back and forth between loving you and saying he doesn't etc. I'm sure a part of him does love you, but I'm not him so I can't tell you for certain. There had to be other issues in your marriage. All couples have them.

Everyone here will tell you to do the 180 so search around the forum for it. Basically don't plead or beg. Act like you are moving on without him. The exact opposite of what you probably feel like doing. 

Quit making excuses for him to. He's texting and seeing other women and doing drugs. You deserve better then that. Don't allow yourself to be plan B for him. If you want him to come back your best course of action is to better yourself and make him see what he's missing. Crying and begging does the opposite. Not very attractive features in anyone. 

I'm sure more people here can give you better advice then me though. Just try and remain strong you will get through this.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

blondy said:


> Im not sure whether the drugs have messed him up and if he will realise he has made a mistake.


Quit trying to justify his repulsive actions.

It is what it is.

He walked out on you and your marriage, and you cannot change that.

What you can change is your own mentality.

He's not good enough for you, and you need to realize that.

Get into individual counseling and use this time to find yourself.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Unfortunately, between his drug problem and his infidelity problem, there's no way you're ever going to be number one with him. He's not really capable of love at this point in his life. I agree with Katy. Get yourself into counseling, with someone who can help you with your own issues of having been with an addict. You have been affected by him, and that needs to be taken care of before you can ever think of being in a healthy relationship in the future.


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## Serenity_Prayer (Oct 31, 2012)

Do the 180. Don't be his Plan B. I agree with angelpixie, he's unable to love anyone right now.


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