# HD to LD



## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

This is a question for both men and women. What would cause men and women to go from a high sex drive to a low sex drive? Personal experiences welcome. I'm in my early 30s, recently engaged to a man in his early 40s. 

I would consider myself to have a HD, but what can cause me in the future from going from what I am now to having an LD? I read some of the other threads, especially the sex stops after marriage one. I am kinda freaking out.

FH has an OK drive I wouldn't say its low but not as high as mine. I read a lot of erotica, I am adventurous and willing to try new things/into some pretty kinky stuff (even before 50 shades came out) even FH never tried until he met me. I am super nervous for after I am married! I don't want my body or mind to change!! BTW I am not going to have children so pregnancy and newborns not an issue for me. I will be a stepmom to three teenagers :scratchhead:


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> This is a question for both men and women. What would cause men and women to go from a high sex drive to a low sex drive? Personal experiences welcome. I'm in my early 30s, recently engaged to a man in his early 40s.
> 
> I would consider myself to have a HD, but what can cause me in the future from going from what I am now to having an LD? I read some of the other threads, especially the sex stops after marriage one. I am kinda freaking out.
> 
> FH has an OK drive I wouldn't say its low but not as high as mine. I read a lot of erotica, I am adventurous and willing to try new things/into some pretty kinky stuff (even before 50 shades came out) even FH never tried until he met me. I am super nervous for after I am married! I don't want my body or mind to change!! *BTW I am not going to have children so pregnancy and newborns not an issue for me*. I will be a stepmom to three teenagers :scratchhead:


That will be a huge help. Also, keep your finances in good shape, and spend lots of time TOGETHER. As much as you can. There is no reason drive HAS to go down unless it is medically related. Take care of your relationship, and it'll stay.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

A low sex drive man or woman acting as a high drive individual, get married and then their true low sex drive comes out.

Menopause.

A high drive spouse being turned down many times over years, resentment and then they don't try anymore, becoming low drive.

Men need test boosters as they get older.

A past abuse than recently surfaces.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I'd be more concerned about your fiance's sex drive than your own if I was you. If yours is already higher than his, this difference could become even greater over the years.

How long until the wedding?


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Sure faithful wife would... my advice is for you and your spouse to constantly talk about ALL resentments as they come up rather than you holding them in which is the great tendency of wives. You are doing him no favors by burying them only to pull them out as a reason to emotionally separate years down the road.

So every time you think I hate when he.....

TELL HIM...and be firm that you want him to stop or tell him to do what you want him to.

If he asks tell him you would rather deal with it up front than hold it against him later like many women tend to do. If he complains.... ask him would you like me to start resenting you?

Your in lovey-dovey land listen to the seasoned pros of 15+ years down the road.

RESENTMENT KILLS and is responsible for most of the sex issues here. Womens drives do subside later via hormone fluctuations and they look for an excuse...resentment is it.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Sure faithful wife would... my advice is for you and your spouse to constantly talk about ALL resentments as they come up rather than you holding them in which is the great tendency of wives. You are doing him no favors by burying them only to pull them out as a reason to emotionally separate years down the road.
> 
> So every time you think I hate when he.....
> 
> ...


So does nagging and nit picking. Sometimes, you need to accept and move on, and if you can't then you need to end the relationship.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> So does nagging and nit picking. Sometimes, you need to accept and move on, and if you can't then you need to end the relationship.


Its not nagging if present it as that you are trying to avoid future resentment and this is important to you feelings about him.

Nagging for nagging sake yes, stop that


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I'd be more concerned about your fiance's sex drive than your own if I was you. If yours is already higher than his, this difference could become even greater over the years.
> 
> How long until the wedding?


Literally just got engaged July 1st while on vacation!! 

Thinking a winter wedding, it won;t take me long to plan something and FH doesn't have many must haves..its his 2nd marriage afterall, my 1st!


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Sure faithful wife would... my advice is for you and your spouse to constantly talk about ALL resentments as they come up rather than you holding them in which is the great tendency of wives. You are doing him no favors by burying them only to pull them out as a reason to emotionally separate years down the road.
> 
> So every time you think I hate when he.....
> 
> ...


I have never had a problem speaking my mind and neither does he! However, I tend to avoid argument and am really laid back/go with the flow, but he can be stubborn at times! I think its his upbringing most likely!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

This winter or next winter? The longer the engagement the better. Do you already live together?


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> This winter or next winter? The longer the engagement the better. Do you already live together?


THIS winter. Technically no we do not live together YET, I still have my own place, but I am always at his place as he lives in the city, I live across the river. He is a workaholic too, so am I in many ways but I have the summers off.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

How long were you dating before the engagement?

What I am getting at is that whirlwind relationships and quick engagements and weddings many times end up with BIG problems that were overlooked due to the eagerness of getting married.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> How long were you dating before the engagement?
> 
> What I am getting at is that whirlwind relationships and quick engagements and weddings many times end up with BIG problems that were overlooked due to the eagerness of getting married.


Dating for over one year (started dating April 2012). And I agree with you, there is really no real urgency in getting married except for the fact my grandparents and his are in their 90s and my grandmother is not doing too well. I would like her to see her only granddaughter get married! 

I was too career focused in my 20s otheriwse I would have given men a chance back then LOL instead of random hookups!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I would suggest you are engaged for an entire year before marriage. I understand about the grandparents, but your MARRIAGE will be much more important than your WEDDING...something that newlyweds don't realize sometimes.

If he is the love of your life, there should be no reason to hurry, as you technically will have all the time in the world. It is WAY more important to make sure you get it right before you say "I do".


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Too true! His kids are also numero uno to him too, he's a big family man, even though they don't live with him all the time. 

My parents are still in shocked that I have even been dating someone let alone am engaged, they are happy nonetheless! 

Back to the original topic, in what ways should I be concerned about his sex drive?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Well just that if it is already lower than yours, there is a possibility his can plummet even further as he ages (he is on the cusp of the age when many men start experiencing ED). Also the fact that you are more experienced and adventurous than he is, that means you might be a little be disappointed over the long run...this is not a FOR SURE thing at all...it is just a possibility. It is one that you have no control over either, but it is something you might have to live with.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

I should clarify that FH has been more than willing to be adventurous, it just wasnt like that for him before me. I guess his ex wife was more into the vanilla flavor of sex. Never once has he complained or questioned anything. He asked me from day 1 of being intimate what my fantasies were and I told him and we have gone from there.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

That's all good!

Does he step up and bring stuff to the table for you, too?


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

IMO you should be wary of him being a workaholic, that can lead to low drive in some men.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

in what sense do you mean?


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

If I know I'm respected and wanted by my partner, I can't get enough. Guys aren't mind readers, so make it obvious what you want. The only time I've had my drive die was from steroid injections into my spine and extreme stress from a couple weeks of near disaster with my business.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

justdance4me said:


> in what sense do you mean?


Stress, lack of energy, lack of time, lack of focus, messed up priorities...


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

There are very few women on TAM that come here complaining about their husbands lack of a sex drive, and barring any future marital tensions that may arise outside the bedroom, I don't think you should worry too much.

Seeing as your husband is "middle-aged" and getting older every day, the only plausible reason for his sex drive to lower would probably be something physical in nature; dropping testosterone levels for example is one that hits men in their 40's and 50's.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

techmom said:


> IMO you should be wary of him being a workaholic, that can lead to low drive in some men.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unfortunately, this is correct.

One doesn't even have to be workaholic. Having a stressful work, with plenty of deadlines, will distract many men's minds from sex.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

> One doesn't even have to be workaholic. Having a stressful work, with plenty of deadlines, will distract many men's minds from sex.


Only if you let it get to you... And only if workaholic's wife dumps her own issues on him upon arrival.

People need to understand this thing we call personal time in more enlightened parts of the world like Europe...


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

He says he's healthier now than he was when he was my age - he was a smoker, overweight, drinker. He's since then quit smoking, quit drinking, took up exercise at the gym and playing soccer and running. He says he feels better now than he did before but thats obvious. No real health concerns at the moment.

His job is stressful in a sense that it involves lots of travel, lots of time away from home/family. I travelled with him while he was on business. When he comes home its always personal time. Same with mine in a sense but I only travel for two months and then I am done work for two months.


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