# Long term committed relationship separate roof



## Jennifer988 (May 27, 2013)

I have been going out with a partner for 4 years in a loving committed relationship. His children have left home, mine are 10 & 15. He does not want to live together till my children have left home as he does not want to come home to a "family" , be a surrogate father & father responsibilities. There is no way he will lived together until such time. This is impacting on me, as i see myself as a convenient long term girlfriend whom he receives all the benefits of a "marraige" but no commitment, in particular , i am not comfortable with the idea of not building some financial security between us. We both have our own financial assets & income. What is lacking is I am afraid of being dumped at 60 (now i am still pretty at 50), and where will I be, after serving his needs for companionship, sex, etc, for ages and ages. I can agree to separate household due to his reason, but how do I solve this "financial commitment & rights" as we dont live together? Does a long term girlfriend got no rights? Can I have an legal arrangement with him with his consent, so I can have peace of mind, he is not stringing me along for the free ride? Am I being mean or insecure for no reasons? He has also the opinion in 2nd relationships, couples keep their own assets, no one has claims to anything, even if they live together. I feel this is not correct, as we must have some asset base together for our contribution.


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## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

Jennifer, your probably are in a loving and exclusive relationship but definitely not committed...
I understand your frustration with the current arrangements. 4 years of dating is enough to understand either you want to commit or just stay "friends with benefits" which is not a desirable option for you... If he is not ready to commit, then you need to decide for yourself...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

A long term girlfriend has no rights unless you cohabitate with a man over a period of several years or you have his child. The law will permit you to have sex with a "boyfriend" the rest of your days and they will not interfere. 
You are a mother. He wants no part of your family. He's just not for you. Even after your kids are grown, they will still be a significant part of your family and there will be grandchildren, etc. A man who loves you would want to be part of your life and would be interested in the things and people you love and value. He sounds committed enough to meet you for sex. That's about the same level of commitment you could expect from any randomly selected man on the planet. You should expect and demand more.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If you're not getting what you want and need on a day to day basis, why even worry about what you may or may not get in the future? Just because he has a viable reason doesn't mean that your needs need to take a back seat. It's your life. You can allow in or out of it according to how you want to shape it. Someone who doesn't have the same present "base" or vision of the future as you isn't someone you should invest your time, money, or other assets into. Unless you enjoy the feeling of being a docile and compliant door mat.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

How do you love a man who wants nothing to do with your children?

I'm a mom, and I had a litmus test for men when it came to my children when I began dating. They don't want my kids, they don't want me. 

It's good that he's telling you the truth. It's good that he's honest with you. At least he doesn't lie to you about how he feels, and he deserves credit for that.

But how do you love someone who feels that way about your kids??  

He would rather not commit to you than have to deal with your kids every day...he shouldn't be involved with a woman with kids then. And, IMO, you shouldn't be involved with a man with those priorities.


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