# Husband hardly ever compliments me



## coffee

I feel like I am an attractive women, I take care of my weight, I am 12 years younger than my husband and I do my hair and make up when i go out. I wear nice clothes, not overly sexy, but still nice looking and my husband hardly ever compliments me. I know that sounds selfish, but I feel a women should be told she is beautiful and sexy and attractive. He hardly every says things like this to me. My sons tell me I am pretty and look great or I get compliments at work from other girlfriends, but hardly ever from my husband. I recently had gotten a hair cut and all he said was, "you got your hair cut". It's still long, but just styled. If I give him a hug, all he says is, "Your hair is itchy". He will only say something if my kids say, "Doesn't mom look pretty?" and he will say something like, "yes or yeah sure". He has shown pictures of me to his friends at work and they say that I am really pretty, but he doesn't say it to me! He wonders why I don't want to have sex with him! Because he doesn't make me feel sexy, duh that's why! 
Its starting to get really annoying, I am 36 and starting to have more wrinkles and worried my best looking years are almost over.


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## Anon Pink

I hear ya sister! Loud and clear! Same here same for a lot of women posting on this forum. Here's what Ive learned and done and the results.

Some men just don't have the first clue how important it is to compliment the wife. Not even after they've been told to do it, they still don't understand what the big deal is. Doesn't mean he doesn't think it though. Those men also don't think in terms of words like pretty, sexy, hot, beautiful, luscious, gorgeous. They think positive feeling or negative feeling, acceptable or not acceptable, good or bad. They simply don't think that way and they have to be taught those words and taught to use those words.

Go here and print out two copies of the Emotional Needs checklist.
Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice. You fill out one and have your H fill out the other. When it gets to the part called Affirmation, be very specific about how when where you need to hear words of affirmation. 

Once that's done you *MUST respond positively to each and every attempt to compliment*. My H only ever said, you look nice. I complained about his limited vocabulary and how that made me feel like I was fishing for compliments, using the word nice was all he could come up with so even that didn't feel like a compliment. So he stopped entirely because I didn't accept his attempts. Over the last two months he's gotten a little better but I am still prompting. The other night we were having sex and he said, "You feel so... Ummm breast..." I cracked up and he cracked up. His inability to compliment is not as sensitive an issue with me anymore because I know he's trying. But I also let him know he needs to keep improving.

At least your sons will know how to compliment their wives and as you teach them, with your husband listening, he might pick up a few lessons he seems to have missed.


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## 41362

Did your husband ever compliment you in the past, coffee? 

As anon mentioned in her reply, your response at that time may have set the precedent.

I know that my wife struggles to accept compliments gracefully (rolled eyes, etc), so I tend to make them only when I really want to do so. I know that she likes them, but I can do without her typical response.


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## SoWhat

I compliment a lot. I'm thinking of doing it less.


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## Anon Pink

41362 said:


> Did your husband ever compliment you in the past, coffee?
> 
> As anon mentioned in her reply, your response at that time may have set the precedent.
> 
> I know that my wife struggles to accept compliments gracefully (rolled eyes, etc), so I tend to make them only when I really want to do so. I know that she likes them, but I can do without her typical response.


Sounds like Mrs. 41362 needs a spanking for being cheeky when her husband compliments her....
:whip:


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## Anon Pink

SoWhat said:


> I compliment a lot. I'm thinking of doing it less.


Why?


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## SoWhat

Anon Pink said:


> Why?


Because I get hit with "You said I was beautiful yesterday and you haven't said it yet today, do you not think I look pretty today?" or the eye rolling or "What did you do wrong" or a lot of other negative reactions.


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## 41362

Anon Pink said:


> Sounds like Mrs. 41362 needs a spanking for being cheeky when her husband compliments her....
> :whip:


Good idea... no, great idea.

She looked great this morning. I should certainly tell her.

:whip:


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## Trickster

Coffee--

I compliment my wife and she always discredits what I say... 

If I say her blouse looks great on her...she will respond "i think it makes me lok fat.

If I say I like her haircut or something...She'll say "you're blind"

I know you probably don't respond this way.

Coffee...Do you give him compliments?


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## silentghost

My husband does not give out compliments either...and I agree with you...it sucks.
But...I realized that's the way he is and so I've learned to live with it...plus...I've emotionally have shut down in so many ways that his lack of compliments doesn't bother me.


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## Ostera

I compliment my wife constantly..Even though she is very beautiful, I know she needs the confirmation.. my issue is like a few of the other men posters.

She hardly ever says, "Thank you" when I do. It's almost like it's expected.

I usually follow up my complement (after a short pause) with a, "You're welcome." Letting her know her lack of acknowledgement didn't go unnoticed.


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## Pandakiss

I understand where you are coming from. What's your love language?? I think your husband might be giving you non verbal compliments. How does he make you feel, as in, he dosent say the words "I want you", but does he touch you the way you like and need to be touched???

When you dress nice does he touch you?, does he seem more randy when you get home?

When you ask him if he likes your dress, what level of feed back are you looking for??? Have you told him you would like more than a yes no answer???

I'm thinking you need to hear words if affection. Explain to him you like to hear "you look nice", maybe "thanks for dinner". Tell him it makes you feel loved. Affirmation and affection words are important.


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## Anon Pink

SoWhat said:


> Because I get hit with "You said I was beautiful yesterday and you haven't said it yet today, do you not think I look pretty today?" or the eye rolling or "What did you do wrong" or a lot of other negative reactions.





Ostera said:


> She hardly ever says, "Thank you" when I do. It's almost like it's expected.
> 
> I usually follow up my complement (after a short pause) with a, "You're welcome." Letting her know her lack of acknowledgement didn't go unnoticed.


Men, We women who's husbands do not compliment, must teach them to do so. And we must recognize and reward when they do.

Same goes for men who DO compliment but don't get the response they want. teach your wife to do so.

You say, "*Hey woman, I just complemented you! Don't you roll your eyes at me! Don't you pretend to be suspicious that I've done something just because you don't know how to take a complement! Now come over here and say thank you before I turn you over my knee*!" Turn it into something lighthearted rather than taking it personally or like she's rejecting your admiration. She really isn't. She's just embarrassed about how good it feels to be admired. After all, aren't good women supposed to be modest? Modest women aren't supposed to enjoy admiration. Isn't that the stupidest thing ever?


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## I Notice The Details

Anon Pink said:


> Men, We women who's husbands do not compliment, must teach them to do so. And we must recognize and reward when they do.
> 
> Same goes for men who DO compliment but don't get the response they want. teach your wife to do so.
> 
> You say, "*Hey woman, I just complemented you! Don't you roll your eyes at me! Don't you pretend to be suspicious that I've done something just because you don't know how to take a complement! Now come over here and say thank you before I turn you over my knee*!" Turn it into something lighthearted rather than taking it personally or like she's rejecting your admiration. She really isn't. She's just embarrassed about how good it feels to be admired. After all, aren't good women supposed to be modest? Modest women aren't supposed to enjoy admiration. Isn't that the stupidest thing ever?


Good Advice Anon Pink. 

I love to compliment others. I always have...see my posts on other thread about compliments. My 12 year old son is starting to do this also, so I know he is following my example. 

You are right to push back at people who can't receive compliments without discounting them. Be lighthearded and sincere. I think we all feel better when we are appreciated by others....and we do this by giving sincere compliments. 

I know my wife, my son, and my entire family appreciate and accept my compliments. Giving out compliments is a good habit to learn. It forces you to focus on the positive in others. Doing these small, sincere gestures make this world a better place.


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## Anon Pink

silentghost said:


> My husband does not give out compliments either...and I agree with you...it sucks.
> But...I realized that's the way he is and so I've learned to live with it...plus...I've emotionally have shut down in so many ways that his lack of compliments doesn't bother me.



It absolutely hurts. Cuts to the quick. Makes you wonder why you're sticking around when you feel like you're married to a plank.

But it does bother you, that's what's made you shut down. And where is being shut down going to take you?

Go to the web site I referenced above. You have a right to feel loved within your marriage. You have a right to have your needs met, you don't have pretend you don't have them, or pretend you don't need him to cherish you. 

Post back here and let us know how it goes...


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## Trickster

Coffee---

Kind of a cute story--When our daughter was about 3 or so, I would always tell her " when mommy comes down stairs, Tell her she looks beautiful in that outfit"...She told mom that almost every day when she would come down stairs in the morning... Many times, I would remind her to say it. One morning she came down in baggy sweatpants and a baggy shirt and guess what, Our daughter said..." mommy, you look beautiful in that outfit". she just laughed and laughed...

Another time during story time at the book store, our daughter went up to another mother we didn't know rand said "You look pretty in that outfit. That mother had the biggest smile EVER... I think our daughter made her day.

Compliments mean so much.


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## Sunshine1234

I'm with ya too. I get, you look good/nice. This drives me bananas!

One date night out several months ago I flat out told him. I said I have a real need to feel desired and appreciated for how I look and take care of myself. This was not the first time he has heard I need compliments. Ive been telling him since we started dating. But this time I said I get compliments from men I don't know and even from my gf's husbands. This fulfills a need I have but I'm getting it from other men not you! His response to this was, ok ok I get it! I think any man with a half a brain would read between the lines here. This was a couple of months ago and he is definitely better. 

Part of my problem is that my ex-bf complimented me non-stop. He genuinely made me feel like I was the prettiest girl ever and so he had me eating out of his hand. Going from that guy to someone who doesn't compliment is so very hard. 

Does your husand do this - The times I do get the reaction I truly desire is when I put something super sexy on or times when I dont eat and I am really thin. This is not realistic. This makes me question if I'm good enough for him otherwise. 

Things have been better though I do need to pay closer attention to my response. That is a great suggestion.


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