# will i end up getting divorced



## StonerTurtle (Sep 1, 2010)

ive been married for 8 years now, i feel that my wife is absoultely crazy, and has undiagnosed mental issues.. very often she gets into mad moods where she is constantly abusing me over very minor things. she is easily upset and everytime i try to talk to her about it she ends up screaming at me and blaming me for everything. She is constantly going on about my parents and insulting them. Ive tried all techniques, being assertive, ignoring, talking to her calmly, listining .. most times she ends up losing it and then she starts to hit me and if i argue back she will then start damaging my property.. its getting ridicolus, and it seems to be happining every second night and mostly all weekend. The smallest things up set her, life if i accidentally brush up against a wall or if my mother calls me and invites us over. the thing is i feel i havent done anything to upset her, no affairs or cheating on each other, we have money, i buy her what ever she wants, i help alot with house work and spend alot of time with my son, i rarely have anytime for my self, i dont go out with my friends, i let her have the tv, basically i dont know if i can do any more.
Lately we statred seeing a councellor and he has given us some advice, i feel that she listens to him and is OK for a couple of days then she back to her old ways, abusive, criticing, upset, violent... on and on it gos, i really dont know what to do beside pack my stuff and leave... i really dont want to leave her, but im feeling more and more like its the only option, the fighting isnt healthy for my son and no one knows the hell i have to live through most days and nights.. is this normal for married couples? should i leave?


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## LADYGAINES (Aug 30, 2010)

No this is definitely not normal at all. I know what it feels like to go through something horrible and wonder if this is normal. I am sorry that you are going through this as you sound like a great man. You definitely need to discuss her mental issues with her as well as your counselor if you havent already. She is in need of medication. The normal woman does not act like this. Most of us get PMS for about 4 or 5 days out of the month but PMS doesn't make you become physically and mentally abusive. She has a chemical imbalance in the brain. And in front of your child! That is the absolute no no! You don't want your child thinking this is normal and allowing a woman to do this to him. I would have this talk with your wife, let her know her behavior is unacceptable and is not normal. She is not ok. Hopefully she is open to receiving treatment. You may have to give her an ultimatum. Tell her what you wrote in this post that if she doesnt seek treatment you are leaving. After you have done that if there is no change unfortunately you will have to do what is best for you and your child. This woman is unstable. You will have to practice tough love in this situation. Her violence could escalate and she could really hurt you. She needs treatment and if she refuses please please get out of there safely. Your life is more important than staying with someone who is violent. I can't imagine living like this. Never knowing when your wife will just freak out out of the blue. Hang in there and wishing that she accepts medication and things will get WAY better.


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## StonerTurtle (Sep 1, 2010)

she actually sees a councellor for depression, but i feel that she just goes and blames all her problems on me... thanks for your advice, i want to give counselling a chance, but if i doesnt work then i will leave her, im just really worried about my son and feel that if i leave then ive let him down... im prepared to lose my house and money that doesnt really bother me.. i just want to know that ive tried everything first so i have no regrets..


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## LADYGAINES (Aug 30, 2010)

Yes definitely give it all that you have. Don't give up easily if that is what your heart is telling u. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving it your best shot. If it comes down to you leaving you are saving your son from seeing mental unstableness and abuse every other day. It seems that her imbalance is directed towards you. Right now he is growing up in a dysfunctional home. That is not helping him. Easier said than done I know. You will have to have a good long talk with him [if he is of age] and let him know that you will always be there for him no matter what and make sure you make good on that promise. He will adjust in time and so will you. You are not a martyr. Your happiness matters too. There are some situations that require us to be selfish. Selfishness is always used in a negative light but in this case where you have a mentally and physically abusive wife you are going to have to think about yourself too. What if she hurts you to the point where you can't be there for your son period? When children are involved it makes leaving that much harder. Hopefully leaving won't even be an issue however. If counselling is not working then she needs medication. You can't go on like this. Based on what you said the counselling only works a day or two. That is not successful in my opinion.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I always thought “normal” depression made a person, well depressed. I think the word depression comes from how the person looks, as though they have a world of troubles on their shoulders, so much so their whole body looks pressed down, head down, shoulders down, sad face that sort of thing. A depressed person doesn’t usually have the energy for fighting. This sort of depression comes when a person cannot see any solutions to the problems in their life. It’s classed as a depression when a person has had these thoughts and has felt very sad about them for more than four weeks. Solve the problems and the person is no longer depressed.

Your wife’s behaviour indicates something other than depression and she may well have a personality disorder, may be bipolar personality disorder. Take a look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder. Or it may be borderline personality disorder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder. My younger sister has the latter and it’s not nice for all concerned. You may need professional help.

If the symptoms fit or the symptoms of another PD fit your wife’s behaviour than I suggest you keep it to yourself for a while so you can contemplate and think on the best way ahead.

Bob


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