# i can't do this anymore



## ilovedogs (May 22, 2009)

I feel like a horrible person writing this but i really dislike my husband. He is not an abuser, or lazy or a bad father. Actually he is the opposite of all those things. He is a sweet, kind, supportive man. He provides very well for our family. He is an excellent father. He gives me flowers for no reason. He never forgets an anniversary or a birthday. But i still don't like him and I don't want to be with him and I don't know what to do with myself. The truth is I never really loved him, at least i don't think I did. I was never attracted to him (most people wouldn't call him attractive). I'm not saying this because i'm shallow. I just never found him attractive, at least not physically. But i thought that since he was such a good person i would grow to be attracted to him. Apparently I was wrong, because i don't find him any more attractive today than i did when we first met 10 years ago. He is also very nice and sometimes can be a push over. I hate that about him. I'm very dominating but i want a man who can stand up to me and not allow me to get too dominating. But thats just not him. I have asked him a million times not to be so scared of me, but i guess thats his basic personality and he can't change it. I've tried to tell him i didn't want to be with him starting with a few weeks after we met until now. but when we were younger i felt so bad for him and he would be so sad and distraught i would just chicken out. now i feel sad for my kids who would loose a wonderful father (or wouldn't be able to see him every day) and they wouldn't get the financial things they have now although none of this is their fault. I don't know what to do. I feel like a horrible person, like i should adore this man. but i simply don't. is there any way to fall in love with a person? I've tried for years and i'm so tired. I know i should've never married him but i thought he loved me enough for both of us. I feel that i have ruined the life of a good man, and my own life and my children's life in the process. i don't know what to do and i have very seriously considered suicide to get out of this marriage.


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## mrsjojobean (May 22, 2009)

i didnt like my husband at first either.... well, i had a crush on him in hs. because i really liked his personality, we didnt get together for a few years . at first i did want to be with him but also had feelings for an ex bf...... i was confused and i was so mean to my husband.. i would tell him to stop saying he loved me he didnt know what it was and this and that... and he ended up breaking his ankle and when i went to the hospital... i was the only one he was calm for.... and honestly it was at that point that i had to think to myself.... wow...... you know.... he isnt a bad guy he is a great catch and he is not like all the others i have dated.... he actually loves me for me.... and he really wants to be with me and the se ex doesnt matter to him.... i dont know what to tell you but suicide is not the answer.....your children need you no matter how bad you think you have been ..... they love you and need you... always...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

You seriously need to get to a professional counselor ( in real life, not online) and some medication and counseling if your suicidal.

Far as not being attracted physically to your husband, there is much more to someone than just physical being, maybe your focusing too much on the physical aspect.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

ilovedogs said:


> i don't know what to do and i have very seriously considered suicide to get out of this marriage.


You say he is a pushover and you are dominating, but it seems as if you are accusing him of what you most fear - fear of confrontation, fear of making decisions.

I'm not saying he is not a pushover by the way...


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I'm all for saving a marriage. However, if you have seriously never loved the guy from the beginning then either put on a happy smile and fake it for the kids or get out. Being that you have suicidal thoughts...I would urge you to get a good counselor and sort things through. If you do leave, you will want to do it with dignity for all sides (including the kids).


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

ilovedogs said:


> I feel like a horrible person writing this but i really dislike my husband. He is not an abuser, or lazy or a bad father. Actually he is the opposite of all those things. He is a sweet, kind, supportive man. He provides very well for our family. He is an excellent father. He gives me flowers for no reason. He never forgets an anniversary or a birthday. But i still don't like him and I don't want to be with him and I don't know what to do with myself. The truth is I never really loved him, at least i don't think I did. I was never attracted to him (most people wouldn't call him attractive). I'm not saying this because i'm shallow. I just never found him attractive, at least not physically. But i thought that since he was such a good person i would grow to be attracted to him. Apparently I was wrong, because i don't find him any more attractive today than i did when we first met 10 years ago. He is also very nice and sometimes can be a push over. I hate that about him. I'm very dominating but i want a man who can stand up to me and not allow me to get too dominating. But thats just not him. I have asked him a million times not to be so scared of me, but i guess thats his basic personality and he can't change it. I've tried to tell him i didn't want to be with him starting with a few weeks after we met until now. but when we were younger i felt so bad for him and he would be so sad and distraught i would just chicken out. now i feel sad for my kids who would loose a wonderful father (or wouldn't be able to see him every day) and they wouldn't get the financial things they have now although none of this is their fault. I don't know what to do. I feel like a horrible person, like i should adore this man. but i simply don't. is there any way to fall in love with a person? I've tried for years and i'm so tired. I know i should've never married him but i thought he loved me enough for both of us. I feel that i have ruined the life of a good man, and my own life and my children's life in the process. i don't know what to do and i have very seriously considered suicide to get out of this marriage.


You are accepting too much responsibility for all this--he's part of it, too. He is an adult and makes his own decisions. I was in your shoes a few months ago, and I even had one moment of feeling it would all be easier if I just died--but just one brief moment. No one's life is "ruined," it's just time for everyone to move onto a new stage. It's ok. Life is different now with women working and people living longer. Please think of it as a new stage, explain it to your husband this way--even if you have to admit you never loved him, which is really hard but will help him understand WHY you need to move on. Keep a positive attitude about new opportunities with your kids, too, and you'll ALL do better.

good luck, stay in touch.


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