# Marrying an older woman?



## malkuth (Dec 28, 2012)

Hi everyone,

I am 31 years old and have met with a girl 33 recently.

I am really attracted to her and want a relationship. Considering her age (that her biological age is ticking), If things go well and I see a future with her I won't take the dating phase many years long. 

I a m not sure If I am to fit in a marriage or want that for my life and I will think about it.

The problem is I always tried to be logical and wanted and was planning to be with a younger girl considering my sex drive. Do u think that 2 ages difference will cause future problems ?


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

A two year age difference? That's nothing at your age, how old is your 'ideal' woman?


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## malkuth (Dec 28, 2012)

Well, maybe it is cause of what I ve seen in my family.

My. Mom is a great woman 5 years younger than dad but she got much weight after my birth. Although dad is older, he seems too young for his age and some kind of infidelity attempt almost broke our family 6 years ago. I don't want to find myself in a similar situation or with similar questions. That is the whole question with me. Mom is 56 and dad is 61 now. And feeling that life will effect me a similar way probably 10-13 years younger girl would physically fit me for marriage but communication would be a problam that way. Thats why I find myself with older woman most of the time.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

malkuth said:


> Well, maybe it is cause of what I ve seen in my family.
> 
> My. Mom is a great woman 5 years younger than dad but she got much weight after my birth. Although dad is older, he seems too young for his age and some kind of infidelity attempt almost broke our family 6 years ago. I don't want to find myself in a similar situation or with similar questions. That is the whole question with me. Mom is 56 and dad is 61 now. And feeling that life will effect me a similar way probably 10-13 years younger girl would physically fit me for marriage but communication would be a problam that way. Thats why I find myself with older woman most of the time.


A ten to thirteen years younger woman seems a little pervy, IMO. So your ideal lady is just graduating high school? Your main concern is that the woman you marry will gain weight after childbirth and not be physical match for you? Maybe you could try looking at the mother of the girls you date and see if they lost their baby weight, if that is your main focus.


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## malkuth (Dec 28, 2012)

Well there is no main focus. Anything that may cause problem in the future is a major threat to marriage I think. And that is not for my happiness only but hers too. And of course 10-13 years of difference can only be as I am in my 40s. But checking the mom is a good idea although it will make me feel like a jerk.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

malkuth said:


> Well there is no main focus. Anything that may cause problem in the future is a major threat to marriage I think. And that is not for my happiness only but hers too. And of course 10-13 years of difference can only be as I am in my 40s. But checking the mom is a good idea although it will make me feel like a jerk.


You just said you are 31.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

And, your mom being younger than your dad did not prevent her from gaining and keeping the baby weight, I feel your logic is flawed.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

malkuth said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I am 31 years old and have met with a girl 33 recently.
> 
> ...


I don't think 2 years is an issue at all. Women usually live longer than men anyhow. The only concern I'd have is that women's faces seem to sag and wrinkle a lot faster than men's. Of course she can always get a face lift.

I would do like Lilac said and look at her mom - is she still fit?

I would also talk openly with her about the fact that fitness and healthy is important to you and you're concerned and make sure she's on the same page as you. 

A lot of women gain weight after having children - it could happen to any one, regardless of age. I think her attitude toward weight gain is a better indicator than her age.

Menopause is hard too with weight gain and will come faster for her, but what, this buys you a few years - eventually any woman you marry will age. Being in love with her and not comparing her to younger women will help you find her attractive forever.

I would advise against marrying someone much younger than yourself just for physical attractiveness. They say beauty is like a painting - you are drawn to it initially, but once it's in the house a few days who notices it? No matter who you marry there will always be younger, thinner, hotter women out there. The thing is, who do you want to spend your time around?

ETA: Same with the sex, yes when you're younger you usually have more sex drive, and men typically want sex more often than women. But this is also a personal thing - I'm 50 and I have plenty of friends in their 50's and 60's who say they love and want sex more than ever. And some that don't want it at all. It's a crap shoot but the more your wife loves you and feel's connected to you, typically, the more sex she'll want. I'd talk to her about this too - and don't forget to ask her what's important to her, what does she want from a marriage?!


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## malkuth (Dec 28, 2012)

You just said you are 31.[/QUOTE]

Sorry for my english, I m not native speaker. I tried to mean that it can happen when I get in my 40. I am saying this just to answer you. I don't have specific plans for marrying, just want to be away from problems when it happens. To promise for happiness and can't be able to do it would be sad. It was sad for my family and I dont want myself or my wife to go through the same things.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

WorkingWife said:


> I don't think 2 years is an issue at all. Women usually live longer than men anyhow. The only concern I'd have is that women's faces seem to sag and wrinkle a lot faster than men's. Of course she can always get a face lift.


:lol: :toast: :iagree:

And ask how she feels about cosmetic surgery.



WorkingWife said:


> Menopause is hard too with weight gain and will come faster for her, but what, this buys you a few years - eventually any woman you marry will age. Being in love with her and not comparing her to younger women will help you find her attractive forever.


Menopause is a b!tch, my mother was 'hooot' from the time I was eleven to my early twenties. Interestingly, now she's starting to cold all the time. It's always something with these older ladies! :grin2:


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

malkuth said:


> You just said you are 31.


Sorry for my english, I m not native speaker. I tried to mean that it can happen when I get in my 40. I am saying this just to answer you. I don't have specific plans for marrying, just want to be away from problems when it happens. To promise for happiness and can't be able to do it would be sad. It was sad for my family and I dont want myself or my wife to go through the same things.[/QUOTE]

I think you are putting the cart before the horse, just date her for a while and dont knock her up before you know whether or not you want to marry her. Just getting to know her is not the time to be worrying about her egg viability or her genetic predisposition to store needed fat for her offspring to feed on.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

There's no guarantees to marriage, friend. 

Younger. Older. It makes no difference 

This place is full of people with all sorts of problems they didn't see coming, regardless of ages.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

alphaomega said:


> There's no guarantees to marriage, friend.
> 
> Younger. Older. It makes no difference
> 
> ...


^^This.

Plus the fact that your mum gained and couldn't lose the baby weight is not age related, and the fact that your dad cheated on her is NOTHING to do with her weight, that's because he's a cheater.

Lots of women gain weight after having children and their husbands don't have affairs.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Find a woman with which you have excellent and honest communication and all else can be rationally resolved.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Two years in age means nothing, but maturity level means a great deal and for some reason I get the idea you're not very mature for your age.

As for the sex thing.....More than likely your sex drive will give out before hers, men tend to start slowing down in their forties and women seem to get hornier.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Short answer - you're not ready for marriage, period, to anyone right now.

When you meet the person you want to marry, you'll know it. What she might look like after having children will not even enter your mind. Nor will her age.

Those things won't matter when you meet this woman, because you'll love her no matter what.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Infidelity has nothing to do with age difference. After you have been married for some years, you lose excitement for each other, you then want to seek excitement somewhere else, then you cheat. Some people who have strong self-control and high morals can stop themselves from doing and be content with their simple sweet life. You need to find out how to have a successful marriage.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

frusdil said:


> ^^This.
> 
> Plus the fact that your mum gained and couldn't lose the baby weight is not age related, and the fact that your dad cheated on her is NOTHING to do with her weight, that's because he's a cheater.
> 
> Lots of women gain weight after having children and their husbands don't have affairs.


Yeah man. 

I gained a ton of weight after my wife had our first child. It happens
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

I agree with the poster who said you're not ready for marriage. You are very concerned with physical beauty, but age changes things for both sexes. 

Even if you marry a teenager, she will eventually turn forty and possibly gain weight. There are no guarantees to anything and if you really love somebody, a minor thing like a few pounds shouldn't be a deal breaker.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Here's Kelly Le Brock in the 80s:










And here's Kelly LeBrock today:


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

^^^^
That's definitely some weird science going on there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Lilac23 said:


> Menopause is a b!tch, my mother was 'hooot' from the time I was eleven to my early twenties. Interestingly, now she's starting to cold all the time. It's always something with these older ladies! :grin2:


It suuuuuuuuuuks. However, for me, once I went to a specialist and got on bioidentical hormone replacement therapy it's like it doesn't exist. (Though I'm still convinced my face is aging 10x as fast as before.)


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

greenpearl said:


> Infidelity has nothing to do with age difference. After you have been married for some years, you lose excitement for each other, you then want to seek excitement somewhere else, then you cheat. Some people who have strong self-control and high morals can stop themselves from doing and be content with their simple sweet life. You need to find out how to have a successful marriage.


I don't agree that everyone ends up wanting to cheat! But I do agree that age has less to do with it than novelty -- seriously, look at Christine Brinkley - Billy Joel cheated on her. All kinds of young, incredibly beautiful women get cheated on. There's always going to be someone new, beautiful, intriguing - no matter how hot you are. A strong marriage is key - appreciating and caring for what you have.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

WorkingWife said:


> It suuuuuuuuuuks. However, for me, once I went to a specialist and got on bioidentical hormone replacement therapy it's like it doesn't exist. (Though I'm still convinced my face is aging 10x as fast as before.)


She was too afraid of breast cancer to take any hormone replacement, her mom had it.


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

2 years is nothing. And plenty of time for kids. And frankly I wish that I had married someone older at times.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Ben franklin said

Marry an older woman their so grateful. 


But 2 years older noooooo way thats like 14yrs in dog years.


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