# OLD recommendations/warning



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

There are several threads about on line dating currently active. I am sure this has been discussed many time in the past. But since OLD seems to be at least one avenue of meeting some one, I am curious as the experiences that some have had with specific OLD sites.
Do the higher priced one tend to attract a higher caliber of potential SOs?
Do the more involved ones (chemistry tests, open ended questions etc) actually help in sorting through the results?
Which ones are for hook up?
Which ones tend to attract legitimate responders? IOW which sites tend to attract people actually looking for what they claim they are looking for?
Which sites nickle and dime you? 
Which sites seem to be cost effective?
Even if it has been discussed before, today is a new day.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I had a better time on the free sites than the paid ones. I was matched up with my ex on eHarmony which still makes both of us laugh.

Met my now partner on Oasis which is a free site but has instant chat which I much prefer than slower email type contact. At least with live chat you can weed people out quickly.

But to me it is not that different to meeting people IRL, just because you go to an expensive bar does not mean that you are going to meet someone more compatible than if you go to the local pub. 

You have to do your due diligence, be smart about it and go in with a good healthy attitude to dating and life.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Also try the site Find your people - Meetup

It's not a dating site. It's a site on which groups post things that they do that anyone can join. See if there are things listed in your area that you enjoy. You can get out and do things and meet people . It's a much more natural way to meet women as well.


----------



## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I have found HowAboutWe to be productive because instead of matching you by some indiscernible algorithm, it lists a date idea, so if you have been dying to go try out a new noodle place, chances are there's someone on there who is into doing that too. There is a photo or several, plus some basic information, some of which they can choose not to answer. I went on a few first dates and had fun on all of them because I was doing something I enjoyed. The fact that we didn't necessarily make a love connection for the ages wasn't a big deal. The idea is to date offline rather than online, or that's their tag line anyway.

A friend recommended Bumble, which is a sort of feminist dating app, in that the woman has to reach out and make the connection. Having said that, she chats a bunch with folks on the app but hasn't been out on a date with any of them yet. 

I looked briefly into Match but it didn't seem like a good fit for me.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Supposedly tinder is for the hookup, but people are also using it to find relationships. I know a couple of people that used match and got married.


----------



## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

I had the most luck with OKC in terms of amount of men I might date. But my current SO is from Match (the only good one I had on there). And most of the men were on both sites so I dont think I would pay for Match again.


----------



## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

In my area, there was definitely a theme to each site.

POF = Trash. Oh god, what am I doing here!?
OKC = Not bad... some trash. Some nice. More fun.
Match = Mostly good. Everyone looking for their soul mate.
Tinder = Young 20 somethings looking for sex. This can be a good thing.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

dadstartingover.com said:


> In my area, there was definitely a theme to each site.
> 
> POF = Trash. Oh god, what am I doing here!?
> OKC = Not bad... some trash. Some nice. More fun.
> ...


Funny how this varies from area to area lol

POF = down to earth girls who want to have relationships with someone of quality
OKC = a barren wasteland of profiles but no one will contact you back. If you look close enough you discover it's the same profiles from both match and POF
Match= pay site where most the gamers, both geneders, and users hand out. Where the typical Income request is 100k plus
Eharmony = great site, will match you with compatible women.....who live 500 miles away :surprise:
Tinder= never tried so can't speak to


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I agree that your area will have a huge impact on what the different sites are like. 

In my area, POF and OKC are both mostly people just looking for hookups. I don't know anyone who's used Tinder in my area, so it's either not popular here or is popular with a much younger set than my circle. 

Match seems to be the most popular, and seems to attract mostly people who at least claim to be looking for a relationship of some type. At least, from what I can see of the men who get through the filters I have on my profile. 

eHarmony is less popular in my area, but also seems to attract more men who appear to be a good fit for me. Sure, there are dozens of matches that I consider to be too far away for a practical relationship. But I've also met three very good guys on eHarmony who are all within a reasonable distance of me. I think "reasonable distance" also varies a lot depending on your area.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Have run into a lot of pathology on Match.
But I think there's a lot of pathology in my state in general, especially among men.
Women tend to fare a little better in terms of mental health and addictions, what drives us crazy is the lack of sane/healthy men.
I think it's an urban myth so far as my region is concerned.

What's worse are the men who move here from away, who mostly treat the women as locals who have no opportunity and/or education which is far from the truth. 

There's eHarmony which is distressing because of the distance with matches.
In particular for folks who don't believe in forging a virtual relationship.

Tinder and POF tend to be for younger folks.
Meetups are bad because there are a lot of creepers here.
I've even had essays sent to me on Match, explaining point by point why the guy is a perfect match for me.
So much so that my profile now has limited information...and very clear intent.
If you're looking for a 'relationship' here, that means ending up with a guy who is looking for housing, as it's very expensive, and the ability to avoid dating altogether, citing distance, timing, or some other logistical barrier to anything other than getting together at home. Cuddling is the #1 activity cited here in profiles, for men. 

Then there's the creeper factor, which is that if you put a profile up, all the men in town, married, partnered, single, impotent, whatever, know you're looking for a date. Have fun at the post office and the grocery and gas station...lol.

A person has to have a stiff upper lip and good sense of humor to even try.
Mostly it's just a way of letting people who already know you that yes, you're single, yes you're willing to date, and this is what you're looking for. And providing fantasy for the rest, who sometimes will drive by your place slowly...sigh.


----------



## Tulanian (Feb 23, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Also try the site Find your people - Meetup
> 
> It's not a dating site. It's a site on which groups post things that they do that anyone can join. See if there are things listed in your area that you enjoy. You can get out and do things and meet people . It's a much more natural way to meet women as well.


I've signed up to a slew of those events, never managed to actually go. Every time one comes up I get nervous about other people.


----------



## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

Tulanian said:


> I've signed up to a slew of those events, never managed to actually go. Every time one comes up I get nervous about other people.


The best meetups I've found are ones actually doing something: playing cards, paddle boarding, bookclub, art/craft class of some kind, rock climbing, etc. The ones where you just stand around and mingle are just too intimidating for me.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Just sharing a recent experience I had. A couple weeks ago I joined eHarmony on a "free communication weekend" I think, which means basically nothing at all. I think someone must have sent me a "communication" and I wanted to see their pic so I attempted to sign up for a month. I accidentally signed up for a whole year and it took the entire year out of my checking account at one time (paypal). Now, I was doing this from my phone in bed late at night, so maybe I missed the fine print, but still, my first pet peeve. Thankfully I had the money in my savings account to cover it. So now I'm a member for the next year. 

I like the "pace" of eHarmony because I'm not really READY to jump into dating, but I'd be open to a slow get-to-know-you. And they only send you so many matches a day so you really can't take it too fast.

So anyway, here's my warning. About a week into it, I got a message from a member who wanted to "skip straight to eharmony email," sent me a message with a link to more photos. I, being an eharmony newbie (and too trusting in general I suppose), copied and pasted the link (hyperlink wasn't active), but there was nothing there. Within an hour, I got an email from eharmony that this user's account had been compromised and they closed that person's account. I got 2 more messages like that from users over the next week or so (and subsequent emails from eharmony telling me their accounts had been closed). That time I ignored the messages/link to photos because the text was exactly the same, so it was obviously spam.

Well. There's obviously a couple week incubation period, but since I opened that link the first time, I was infected with this phishing scam, and the other day, my account sent out this same email to scores of men who started messaging me, "thanks for your message! but I can't see your pics!" Soon after that, my account was closed. I got an email from eharmony informing me of this, and of how the phishing scheme works. 

Unfortunately, they can't reinstate my account and told me I have to make a new one with a different email address, but once I do that, to email them with what email address I've used and they'll credit that account with the remaining time I have on my subscription. So, I created a new one with a new email address, emailed them last night, and am still waiting for my account to be credited (I'll know it has been when certain things start being accessible to me, like photos of other members).

Seems like this is really a BIG flaw with eharmony. I don't think any of my financial info. was compromised. Hope not.

Between the time I discovered what had happened and them shutting down my account, I did start communication with a very nice and funny man (who got my spam) who sent me his phone number because he was afraid I was going to infect him (too late since he'd already opened the fake link). We've texted some, but he lives over an hour away, which is another pet peeve of eharmony....not a lot of close matches, and I do not live in the sticks. I don't need a lot of time together, am an independent introvert who loves alone time, so I'd probably be ok with that, but most people would not be.

So there's my experience; take it for what it's worth!


----------



## Aroleid (Sep 20, 2015)

As all the replies above show, those sites vary in quality and quantity from location to location. I've been on pretty much all of them myself, on and off, and have to say that even within one site, the quality of participants may ebb and flow over time.

I have pretty much given up on dating sites. For two reasons: I am more successful garnering interest IRL through some sort of venue than through a one-dimensional sales pitch online. And secondly, at least in my area, those sites, in general, attract men that are just out to play, or kill some time online, because there is really not much else to do around here. Very rarely do you find someone there who makes an effort in writing meaningful messages. 

MeetUp is where I have made friends, of either sex, so far. I take it from there, and go about my business the old-fashioned way. 0


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

When I started this thread back in June, I was coming off my rebound relationship. I hadn't learned my lesson yet. Now I agree with Aroleid. I have decided to fore go OLD and concentrate on just living my life, being as active as possible, doing things that I want to do and if/when I meet someone at least it will start from a point of common/shared interest rather than in the vacuum of the internet.


----------

