# Fighting/Arguing in public



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Where do you stand on arguments when around other people? Personally I don't like to ever start an argument if there are other people around, especially when with other parts of the family. Well I don't like having those types of arguments, they have happened many times around family because my wife does not seem to have the same feeling. I would rather everything look like it is okay and then handle it privately.


----------



## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I use to fight with my H wherever we were. I did not care if we were in a grocery store or any public place. I would let my feelings out right then and there. He hated it. It took me a long time to realize that just because I feel something does not mean it needs to be handle right then and there. It can wait until we are in more privet of a setting and no that does not mean the second we get in the car.
What helps with the waiting part is that I actually have to evaluate whether or not if it is even worth speaking about. 
My H always said it was embarrassing to have these arguments in public and I use to answer with a "Who cares what they think" or "well then you should stop being an ars in public then". Truth was it was always me who started it.
I still do not care what others think but I do care what my husband thinks and feels so I no longer jump on the emotional bus and start arguing. If I disagree with something I will say so and then later we talk about it.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I am not a fighter and would not do it in public. I simply hate it when I see other people do it.

A passionate discussion, yes that is good but fighting I cannot deal with.

I get that it shouldn't matter what other people think and generally I don't care what others think of me but there is just something so uncomfortable about arguing or fighting in public, it seems degrading to me.


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

never never never


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Never, ever. Other people do not want to be dragged into the drama.


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

I do avoid fighting in public. As much as possible, we avoid arguing directly in front of the kids as well.
It makes me very uncomfortable when I am with another couple & they start a barney.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Yes... you just want to go crawl under the nearest rock when tempers Flare -fights started in your presence...very uncomfortable... this is reason alone... to never do it in front of others.

Like Holland said though... a passionate discussion..is Ok.. 

I am pretty forward with my close friends, if me & husband was at some sort of odds (rare thankfully -as we work things out quickly) ...it wouldn't be beyond me to mention that we're a little ticked at each other in the moment .....so if they notice a bit of tension, that's the deal. Though I can't even recall ever having to say something like that, or having friends over -when we were fighting. 

But never ...to the point of making others feel uncomfortable, that is just so awkward, awkward , awkward.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Arguing with your spouse in public is unseemly and disturbs everyone else in the trailer park.


----------



## Honest opinion (Dec 14, 2012)

Hahaha,for asecond I thought your my husband posting this threadlol ,I'm sorry but this is how we react in public all the time. I even left the restaurant couple of times due to the embarrassment but I can't put my reaction on hold!can you??? Well if someone upsets you and hurt your feeling it's normal to say your mind back ,how can I fake smile and enjoy my time when I am hurt and tears in my eye?? I am working on controlling my reactions fast but it's sooo hard.try to understand your wife her reaction due to embarrassment not to hurt you or put you down infront of family.thanks god we have no family in the same city


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I don't make public scenes. Embarrassing and uncomfortable for EVERYONE.

I control myself until we get home or somewhere private. H does the same.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

As a rule, you shouldn't argue in public. If, however, one spouse is somehow out of control (being offensive, threatening, creating a scene, etc.), it should be OK for the other spouse to rein him/her in, which depending on the situation could entail an argument.

(I recently saw a man at a baseball game who was angry and aggressive about a call - his W yelled at him and threatened to leave. He wasn't happy and argued with her, but she probably stopped it from escalating.)


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Never. That is disrespectful and frankly not an honest form of conflict. It is contrived and weak to do so. It is a form of public ridicule. Not something I would do or would tolerate for very long.


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Never.

I was raised that way. My parents NEVER argued in front of us or anyone else. It was always in private, behind closed doors. It's the same way in my marriage. My philosophy is "praise in public and criticize in private."


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Bellavista said:


> I do avoid fighting in public. As much as possible, we avoid arguing directly in front of the kids as well.
> *It makes me very uncomfortable when I am with another couple & they start a barney. *


I agree. My husband and I have dinner occasionally with this other couple we know. I'm not exaggerating when I say this, but they always bicker. Always. At every single occasion they bicker whether him criticizing how she drove to the restaurant that night or her harping on how spends too much time exercising, there's always something they air in front of us. It's very awkward for us. You don't want to take sides and you really don't want to hear their private problems. We've had to cut back on outings with them because they're perenially at each other's throats.


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

My parents are the worst at this. They fight about anything & everything no matter where they are or who is around. 
They don't yell & scream, but they do make everyone feel awkward, just like CA's friends above.


----------



## marriageindia (Jan 17, 2013)

it feels very awkward if you argue in front of others and believe me people do gossip about you after such arguments. Better discuss such things behind the door.


----------



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Well it is good to know that many of you feel it is best to keep arguments out of public view. 
The worst is when it is done around family.


----------



## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

gbrad said:


> Well it is good to know that many of you feel it is best to keep arguments out of public view.
> The worst is when it is done around family.


Yes. This invites family into the argument in ways that don't help anyone.


----------



## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

I think adults should be able to control their emotions to the point where they do not argue in public.


----------



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

moxy said:


> Yes. This invites family into the argument in ways that don't help anyone.


I just don't like family seeing arguments and thinking there is something wrong in the relationship. And the fact that it can take time out of and mess up family get togethers. That time is limited, don't waste it.


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

The other thing about arguing in front of others and airing your dirty private details is that long after you two have patched up your issues, the others still remember those things and will see your spouse in that negative light you put them in during the argument.


----------

