# Growing apart



## jmajews1 (Apr 13, 2011)

For the most part our marriage is good, but our kids are getting older and our lives are increasing becoming more chaotic. I work full time and take the kids to most of their sporting events. She works part time and takes care of most of the house work and cooking.

Most of the time, I don't get home until 9:30 PM due to either kids sporting events or working out. My life is as chaotic as her's but I still go out of my way to give her affection when I walk through the door after a 12 hour day. I have no complaints investing time in my children.

The problem I have is that she does not provide any attention when I come home or does not initiate intimacy. I feel that I provide most of the effort in this area. We have an active sex life but I do not feel like it is an intimate sex life. I feel like I need to wait until she asked for sex before I get any effort of affection from her. The only time I feel truly connected with her is when she has been drinking a little and drops her guard.

The days she has to take the kids to their events, she quickly becomes b*tch because of the added responsibility. Honestly, this pisses me off because I take 90% of the burden for the kids activities + work full time and she has 10% of the responsibility for the kids activities and works part time, but I am the one the gives her attention and not vice versa.

What is a brother supposed to do?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

realize your dealing with a selfish person and treat her as such.


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## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

A brother is supposed to sit down with his wife and have a serious talk about what needs are not being met. It may involve marriage counseling. Something is not working for her and you don't know what it is. I would jump on this as quickly as you can so you don't end up where I am and a lot of other guys are. Just from your short note it sounds like you two are not spending enough quality time alone together...


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i'm right there with you except we truly split the kids sports because we have to, cant be two places at once. raising kids is difficult, i am mentally and physically worn out all the time and so is my wife. it takes a major effort to get thru this time of your lives. maybe you just handle the pressure of all this better than she does


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

Nip it in the bud man, book some marriage counselling and make her go. I'm part of the crowd that waited too long, you'll be sorry later if you don't.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

She has no right to take out on you any of her negative feelings. She has a perfect right to those feelings, but not to inappropriate expression of them.

Is it possible that she resents that you get to be the "fun" parent most of the time? If she took on more driving, would you take on more household chores, for example? Or how about setting limits to how much time each of you spends on chores and both of you take the kids to their events? Try tackling more chores and responsibilities together rather than splitting things up. Remember she is the expert on household chores, so follow her lead and listen when she explains why it must be done a certain way (men will often pooh-pooh wife's way in favor of "their" way, and argue that their way is "just as good," but they often do not see the consequences in delayed work that comes from "their" way--be sure you understand the consequence of changes you propose).

Clearly something is irritating her and you don't know what. While you want to give the clear message that she cannot take out her bad mood on you, you are happy to discuss with her WHY she becomes irritable when being asked to drive sometimes. Listen to her response, don't try to defend yourself. What feels like criticism of you is, at base, and expression of her need, so listen for the need (which may be hard to pick out if she doesn't communicate well). Good luck.


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## Heinz Doofenshmirtz (Apr 12, 2011)

It sounds like you both are overwhelmed with your responsibilities for your kids and household. I'd say you need some time off, preferably together, away from your kids so you don't feel pressured and can focus just on your relationship.

If you've got relatives close enough, and your kids are old enough, could they have a weekend and grandma's house or something like that? You don't even need to go anywhere or plan any special activities, just get out from under the weight of your responsibilities, even for just a day or two, and be there for her.

Hopefully it will at least let her know you care and are trying, and that might be enough of a push to move things back into a positive direction for you both.


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