# my 25yr old, live in, boyfriend doesnt find sex healthy OR fun..were slowly dying..



## littlegirllost (Mar 15, 2012)

SOS! someone please help me understand whats going on in my relationship...

i moved in with my 25yr old boyfriend about 2months ago, weve been dating off and on (mostly on) for about 4years..weve had our fair share of drama, and problems..but i do truly love him, and he is a great person, and he works very hard to make me happy..but lately, our biggest issue is sex...

i want to move on confidently with him as my boyfriend, and i want to get past the mistakes ive made before, and learn to embrace monogamy full force as an adult woman, so therefore i want to experiment, and have more sex with him, to build up a positive sex life that he and i can share...but he on the other hand...doesnt seem into it at all...

sex to him is 20-30mins, kissing, oral..him on top, me on top, doggy style..boom..its over..where as i want to dig deeper, i want to really become intimate with him..because i truly believe it will bring us closer...but he holds my past mistakes (with other guys, forgive me) over my head, claims im a "flirt" and he cant trust me (then why did you move in with me? is usually my question..) and thats why he cant get into sex with me when i want it...

more often than not he cant keep it up during sex and we have to take breaks and get him hard again..or sometimes it seems like the more into i get, the more distracted he gets...he says really unattractive, borderline mean things to me during sex, about our sex..

for example, things like "ew your too wet i cant even feel anything!" or "i dont wanna do it on the floor, thats gross, we have a bed" or "why do we have to do that?" or "you just want to live like this a porno or something." 

when i express myself sexually to him, and tell him things i wanna try with him and only him, he gets angry, he calls me names like "sicko" "dirtball" "sex freak" but all i want is to have a personal sex life that is fun, an escape from our daily grind right in our own home...

im so lost...ive cheated in the past, its not something im proud of, i dont want to do it again, but that means i want a man who wants me..all this situation is doing is reminding me why i cheated in the first place...help.. someone plz


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When did he start being like this?

How long ago did he find out about your infidelity?


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## littlegirllost (Mar 15, 2012)

i cheated on him last may of 2011..he found out in july..we got back together in november of 2011..we were having a pretty lackluster sex life before i initially cheated, which is sort of why i cheated...i wanted to feel pasion again, and excitement...when we did get back together the sex improved a bit..but now..hes clamming up on me again...he just doesnt seem to care about it the way i do..he doesnt find it important in us becoming stronger as a unit..whereas i think its one of the only ways we can become closer...is it just me ?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He had this attitude towards sex before you cheated. 

Now that he is back with you, he not only has a bad attitude about sex but it sounds like he is using it as a way to punish you for your infidelity.

This is what you get with him. If he does not understand the importance of sex in a marriage then there is little you can do about it. Most men would die for a woman who wants to explore sexually and is enthusiastic about it.

What you have right now with him is as good as it’s going to get since he’s not willing to work on improving things. Run, do not walk, away from this guy.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Actually, what's happened us that the two of you have not worked out your infidelity.

You blame him for being lacking sexually for your failure to stay true to him.

He's reminded every time he has sex with you that you want to try things with him that you tried with someone else (true or not) do it effects his performance.

When you stop blaming him for your cheating behavior and he deals with his continued ill feelings regarding the cheating, only then will you move forward together. Otherwise? It doesn't bode well for you as a couple.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

michzz said:


> Actually, what's happened us that the two of you have not worked out your infidelity.
> 
> You blame him for being lacking sexually for your failure to stay true to him.
> 
> ...


A major issue here is that he was like this about sex before she cheated.

The part of his behavior that is related to her cheating are the things he says. But his attitude about not seeming to be really interested is sex is pre-affair.

They do not seem to be sexually compatable.


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