# Don't let me call him!



## XOXO (Jan 3, 2012)

Hello all. First, I'm in process of separation/divorce. That part is going ok. Second, shortly after moving out of my house, I fell in love with another man. He was everything I was missing. I soon found out he was an alcoholic and possibly bi-polar. But he fed me everything I needed to hear. Sex was out of this world. Along the way, he's reconnected with his on again, off again girlfriend. All the while proclaiming his love for me. I found out last weekend, he spent the entire weekend with her. I decided to block his calls and texts from my cell phone since I know I just need to cut him off. He keeps reaching me on Facebook saying he needs to explain. I don't want to hear it. He just wants to get off the hook emotionally and make himself feel better for what he's done. I just don't know if I have the strength to keep ignoring him. Any advice?


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

XOXO said:


> I decided to block his calls and texts from my cell phone since I know I just need to cut him off. He keeps reaching me on Facebook saying he needs to explain.
> 
> Any advice?


Block him on Facebook too.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

"I soon found out he was an alcoholic and possibly bi-polar."

This sentence alone would make it easy for me to never have any contact.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Rebound relationship


keep it moving


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Why in the world would you want to go back to that???

Run Forest run.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Just don't do it.

Lock your cell phone in the car, give it to a friend, whatever. Just don't do it. He's bad news.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> he fed me everything I needed to hear. Sex was out of this world.





> I soon found out he was an alcoholic and possibly bi-polar.





> Along the way, he's reconnected with his on again, off again girlfriend. All the while proclaiming his love for me. I found out last weekend, he spent the entire weekend with her


Think of it this way... you can continue to be a cheap date or you can muster up some self esteem and put a stop to this. If you call him, you're selling yourself short, and cheap. I don't care how good the sex is, your self worth is far more valuable. 

Just my .02.


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## XOXO (Jan 3, 2012)

It seems like I have it all figured out in my head...the logical things...it's the emotional part that's pulling me back in. I'm glad I posted this. Sometimes you just need to hear from others that's it's stupid to even be considering taking that call.


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## XOXO (Jan 3, 2012)

jh52 said:


> "I soon found out he was an alcoholic and possibly bi-polar."
> 
> This sentence alone would make it easy for me to never have any contact.


I think I had that "I can fix him" mentality going on.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

XOXO said:


> It seems like I have it all figured out in my head...the logical things...it's the emotional part that's pulling me back in. I'm glad I posted this. Sometimes you just need to hear from others that's it's stupid to even be considering taking that call.


Don't be too hard on yourself though -- we all make mistakes.

You should want more and better in your life with a man -- and you will find it. Just be patient -- and live you life one day at a time.

Good luck -- and don't take his call or call him.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

XOXO said:


> I think I had that "I can fix him" mentality going on.


Science projects were over in high school.

He's grown, has made some choices in his life... not fixable. You have too much on your plate for a science project.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

XOXO said:


> I think I had that "I can fix him" mentality going on.


Many people get caught up in that trap. Keep in mind that you can only fix yourself; you lack the power to control or change another person's behaviors/issues.

Great sex is just that. Great sex. When the sweat dries on the sheets, you are still stuck with a man who has MAJOR problems.

Don't contact him. Ever.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

XOXO said:


> I think I had that "I can fix him" mentality going on.


If you ever remember one thing from this forum -- I ask you remember this:

Please DO NOT ever get into a relationship where there are red flags and signs all around and you think that "you can fix him" because my dear -- one can only "fix" themselves if they want to.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

XOXO said:


> Along the way, he's reconnected with his on again, off again girlfriend. All the while proclaiming his love for me. I found out last weekend, he spent the entire weekend with her.


This is enough of a red flag right here. If he is reconnecting with his on again, off again girlfriend, the chances of him staying faithful after this is slim. He will contact her again. Don't be his backup plan.



> I think I had that "I can fix him" mentality going on.


Take this as a lesson. No one can fix anyone. A person will not change unless they want to change. The only person you are responsible with is yourself. Improve your boundaries in dating. Know when to cut a person loose. Move on. He failed the dating test.


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

d3v0t3d said:


> WOW, seriously..how old are you? 12?


What exactly is this aimed at? If at the OP, you are way out of line. Emotional responses when dealing with very painful relationship problems are actually quite normal, and solutions that seem rational to others who sit back and read the situation are in many cases not available to the person with the problem because they are too close to the fire, so to speak. 

Why do you think a good number of relationship counselors actually end up in relationship counseling themselves? Doesn't mean they are bad counselors, but you can't effectively make proper decisions when emotion is involved, emotion drives us to do irrational things.

If you are one of those people who can compartmentalize effectively and make quality decisions despite the situation, I applaud you. A lot of us aren't built that way.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Folks -- all of you realize this thread is old and the author of the thread has not logged on for over a month !!


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

Well...I do now.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

XoXO== This is your first sex relations after the divorce right? It's just the emotional addiction talking.

Just be calm, and realize you WILL find another that you will get emotionally attracted to. Cut bait with this guy.

I know it hurts now to be alone, but better that then to try to deal with another difficult relationship that might end worse than your divorce is ending.


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