# New here, Married but falling for coworker/friend



## Ashwagandha (Nov 19, 2014)

Ok, this sucks to post and talk about but I have been married for 10 years and my wife is my 1st and only sexual partner. She really is the nicest, caring loving person I have ever known. We got married young, Im soon to be 31 and she is now 30. (we also have 2 kids together, and yes I know this makes things even worse) 
BUT lately... (not really lately but the feelings have grown MUCH stronger this past few weeks) 

Ive been having very strong feelings for our friend/co worker. (we all work together, I cant get a new job its my families business and I cant fire her because it would be unfair to fire her because of me) Me and this girl work together around 5 days a week (just me and her) and my wife works night. So we really dont see each other but to watch a movie/tv at night, And the "family sundays" Which is more stressful then fun.

Sorry my post is all over the place. But lately I cannot get this friend out of my head, and I KNOW im pushing my wife away not talking with her, and when we do watch movies we dont even cuddle, normally shes on her phone playing a game or something and "Watching" the movie. (although how im feeling atm I dont really want to even cuddle with her/talk to her) When im with my wife I just think about our friend/coworker, I TRY to stop thinking about her but I cant. I know everyone will say try harder, put distance between you and this friend but honestly I cant. I dont know what to do, I feel sick all the time because of it. And im pretty sure im depressed.

I know when I think about it, and being with this friend, it doesnt end up working out no matter how much I want it too... 

again im sorry how this post is made I really am all over the place here and im sorry you have to read through this jumble.

If you have any question/responses please leave them. Again I KNOW this message is just crazy scattered I just cant seem to think at the moment and I have never posted something like this because, its just spur of the moment because ive been looking this stuff up for the past few days... Sorry again, and thank you, if you managed to read all this lol....


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So what's your question? You know it's never going to work out. And you're headed to a very nasty breakup with your wife. Get rid of the coworker. Fix the relationship with your wife. Get into counselling for yourself. 

C


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Unless your going to fire your wife, you need to fire the worker or go to nights and work with your wife or better yet trade shifts with your wife.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Trading shifts with your wife would be a good place to start since you claim you cannot fire this woman. At least you know you are playing with fire and want to stop.

But do you REALLY want to stop?

REALLY look at it from an outsiders point of view. Nothing should matter more than your marriage. And if you have to let this girl go, pay for unemployment and do so.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Ok, at the end of this is you in D, your friend/coworker no longer your friend/coworker. You standing alone. 

Put your W on day shift. 
Find yourself a new job. 
Send the friend/coworker packing
or
man up and be the H your W married. Stop finding excuses to push yourself to the OW. Playing games and watching TV. How about engaging your W at a restaurant? Leave the phone in the car. It is up to you to reconnect. Not go after what appears to be a easy piece.

Sheesh......


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## tryingpatience (May 7, 2014)

Or man up and tell her if you are thinking of leaving. Have you had sex with your co-worker yet? You need to be honest with yourself and the wife you made vows with.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Ashwagandha said:


> Ive been having very strong feelings for our friend/co worker. (we all work together, I cant get a new job its my families business and I cant fire her because it would be unfair to fire her because of me) Me and this girl work together around 5 days a week (just me and her) and my wife works night. So we really dont see each other but to watch a movie/tv at night, And the "family sundays" Which is more stressful then fun.


I'm going to be blunt & say that all of the above sounds like a bunch of excuses to me. Your feelings for this co-worker are now spilling into your marriage & affecting it negatively.

Now is the time you redirect the focus back to your marriage & your wife. Be the best husband you can be. Go out on date nights with your wife sans the kids. Tear it up in the bedroom. Do whatever it takes to reignite that fire wtih your wife.

As far as the co-worker....If the situation was reversed & it was YOUR wife that had feelings for a co-worker...What would you want to happen? That is exactly what you will have to make happen in your situation. No excuses.


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## NewToHeartBreak (Jul 8, 2014)

Take it from some one who's been in a some what similar spot. Stop being a fool, no good will come of this, you will end up making a joke of your self (let alone your marriage). So grow up and make some changes. Get the OW out of your life and fix your marriage or get divorced.

The above posters are correct. 

Stop and realistically think through the ramifications carrying on as you are. If you do you will realize there is no possibility of you living happily ever after with the other woman but there is high chance of permanently losing the respect and admiration of your family and children. 

Even if the OW does have feelings for you shes only going to act on them if either she's 

-so in "puppy love" with you that she'll ignore her better judgement but rest assured when the fog clears no sensible woman wants make a life with disloyal cheater so she'll kick you to the curb.

or

- She has extremely poor moral judgement and consistently make poor choices in life in which case your old life with your current wife is going to end up looking like a fairy tail compared to the crap shes going to eventually put you through if she doesn't get bored and dump you first.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

You can't get rid of this co-worker?

The hell you can't. Of course, it might not solve the problem, but if you don't lance this boil, you WILL f**k up some day.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

It's normal when your marriage is in the crapper to think others look pretty darned good.

The thing is, you shouldn't date someone you work with. It gets complicated very fast.

Instead of focusing on how the "friendly" coworker is, start analyzing what's wrong with your marriage. It may be fixable, maybe not. But having an affair with someone you work with is never a good idea.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

GA HEART said:


> Trading shifts with your wife would be a good place to start since you claim you cannot fire this woman. At least you know you are playing with fire and want to stop.
> 
> But do you REALLY want to stop?
> 
> REALLY look at it from an outsiders point of view. Nothing should matter more than your marriage. And if you have to let this girl go, pay for unemployment and do so.


If you told us you took a hit of crack and now you want to take a nother hit, and the desire is growing in you, what would we tell you?

Stop doing that. Some of the guys gave great suggestions, either fire the lady or switch shifts with the wife.

Your not supposed to be doing that and those stories usually do not end well

Would you really gamble all your 10+ years on something that has a 85% failure rate?


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

AlphaProvider said:


> Would you really gamble all your 10+ years on something that has a 85% failure rate?


:iagree:

You know that old addage: _The grass isn't always greener on the other side._

What they don't tell you is that if you water your own grass it will be just as green as the other side. Take care of your own marriage, that's the grass you need to water.


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## Ozz_Man72 (Nov 20, 2014)

Good morning:

You may want to consider the fact that you will also be setting yourself up for *a world of hurt *due to the fact that this woman works with/for your company - you could be facing a sexual harrassment suit if things "went bad". Not only would your marriage have the potential to go belly-up, but so would your family's company. We're talking expensive lawsuits, financial problems, etc. There's more at stake here than just your wife with this situation - is this woman worth putting the rest of your family through hell as well?

Just something to think about.


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