# Is anybody on here reading?



## inneedofhelp (Sep 3, 2010)

Edited for personal/privacy reasons


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Hey - just let it out - type it out - you'll get some responses.

Sorry to hear - so many of us have been there.


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## Allconfused (Aug 26, 2010)

Hey Inneedofhelp....I was feeling the same way when I started. I didn't want to put it out there because it is my private life, but after putting my feelings out there and getting some responses it has made me feel better. I'm sure you will too.


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## inneedofhelp (Sep 3, 2010)

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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

For some people, writing out their deep feelings is like Therapy itself, and to have the added benefit of others who have "been there" to listen and offer how they have coped, identify with where you are RIGHT NOW, it has it's own healing effect. You are totally & utterly anonymous here so please, feel free to express yourself , ask questions, share your pain, others will respond. Alot of good advice here.


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## inneedofhelp (Sep 3, 2010)

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## Trakeveth (Aug 20, 2010)

Hey there,

I can understand your feelings, but talking to somebody really does help. I am still married, but working on resolving some problems. I started seeing a counselor a couple of months ago and I cannot tell you how much it has helped me just to have somebody to listen to me, to hear my thoughts and feelings and offer non-judgmental advice.

If you are feeling alone, reach out to anybody you can. Whether it is here or in your real life. You say that you used to belong to clubs and such. Get out there and join some clubs again. Do anything you can to meet people and create a new life for yourself. Don't sit home alone with your feelings all bottled up.

You will get through this.


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## inneedofhelp (Sep 3, 2010)

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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

In describing yourself, you sound very very much like my own husband. He is also all wrapped up into me, totally devoted, no drinking , no smoking, never been with another, would not cheat even if I didnt give him sex for 10 years, he is just that faithful and good, wants to live & die together. And it's all very admirable... 

But ...

He is a one of those super NICE passive men. I wonder if you are this way also? Many on this board could have lots to say about the passive male and how , unfortunetly , women tend to take advantage of them, and sometimes even loose attraction, get bored even. Some women do not like all the "doting", pining after them, and if she is like this, it would cause conflict in your relationship. (I love it so this works for me & my husband). ,

Ok, so talk about yourself then, and not her. What are YOUR faults, what have you done or NOT done to bring her such discontentment with you ? Everyone has faults. I love my husband deeply but he has faults just like everyone else does. I would site: He does not talk very much & he is not a ball of excitement. But he is very funny when he does talk. So this helps. 

You can always PM me if you want, I am a good listener , love to help people with communication issues. Sounds like she has just left , you must have had a fight. 

YOu need directioin. And good communicatioin from here on.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

inneedofhelp said:


> I don't want to go through life without my wife, i just don't want to, i would rather drop dead than be without her through life, i just spoke to my daughter on the phone and asked how she would feel if we split up and she said she doesn't care, my daughter and i have such a strong strong bond and we are always doing things together and for her to say something like that really really hurt me.....i've just come down from upstairs and i feel like i'm in a right mess with no way out


 As hard as it is, try to get this in perspective, it is normal for you to feel like this right now, like the floor has just been removed from you. 

This will pass, you have a life, but so true as everyone on here is saying , you need to talk to someone. Is there noone at work you can confide in , at church (if you go). Calling a local Paster just to talk is also an option. Do not do anything you will regret. 

Sorry about your daughters comment, has she felt the tension at home, maybe this is why she responded like that.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Almost everyone here has been through some version of what you are describing. That's why we are here! We too came looking for help.

Don't feel like you are talking behind her back. You aren't trying to spread gossip or harm her - you are trying to work through your own emotions and feelings and it sounds like you are trying to save a troubled married. That's nothing to be ashamed of - that's noble.

Let it out. None of us know you or your wife - but some of us will likely recognize what you are feeling and going through.

Good luck - and welcome.


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## inneedofhelp (Sep 3, 2010)

Edited for personal/privacy reasons


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## inneedofhelp (Sep 3, 2010)

Edited for personal/privacy reasons


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I've been through a couple of these, though my marriages weren't as long as your's. My longest (so far) was 10 years. I was a miserable wreck for a while when it actually happened and I can't even imagine what one would feel after investing 17 years. I can only tell you that it does get better, despite the way you feel right now. I wouldn't trade my wife for either of my ex wives. You are very affectionate and she never has really been. Wouldn't it be great to love someone completely and absolutely know that they love and want you just as intensely?


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## inneedofhelp (Sep 3, 2010)

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## inneedofhelp (Sep 3, 2010)

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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

inneedofhelp
My wife too couldn’t show her affection through hugs and things like that, it was something she learnt to do over time but she was always a bit awkward with it because it didn’t come naturally. Her family just weren’t how they saw it as the touchy feely type. Whereas in my family hugs and demonstrations of affection just came naturally.

In some ways you’ve been devoid of emotional connection in your marriage and that may be why you’re feeling them big time now because there may have been little soft emotional release in your marriage.

It’s good, very good although you may not know it that your emotions are coming out now. It is far better to let them out, understand them and work through emotions than it ever is to suppress them.

We don’t always know it but life is a journey. On that journey we experience good times and bad times, sadness and bliss. It’s all part of the journey. There are seriously good people here from all walks of life and all with different experiences. But the main thing here is that there are people in trouble and there are people that want to help.

Bob


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Well, if she is THIS guarded with affection- with everyone, you know there is not another man in her life. Sounds like she may be falling into a Depresseion, trying to Run, to make herself numb somehow. 

How old are the both of you ? Being married 17 yrs ,* maybe a Mid Life Crisis? * I think everyone goes through a season of it at one point or another . She sounds TIRED of the 2 job situation , maybe the financial strain even with all the jobs & so little time. Does she have big dreams that were never realized in her life ? Feeling all the best times are in the past? 

Women can do some crazy things if they enter into a Mid life crisis . I have a few books on this, initeresting read. 

*Do you feel she wants CHANGE but doesn't know what or how to articulate it? * 

You say you never had a Fight ? Surely a verbal fight or 2 over the past 17 yrs !!?? 

I accually feel it is healhty to argue once in a while, it shows you are communicating DEEPLY. My husband has never hit me either, but a few times I probably deserved it. 

We fight sometimes, usually because of me brining something up, but every time we learn something new about each other. It is not all bad. So long as both parties can acknowlege the others feelings, understand we sometimes say hurtful things when angry , but choose to forgive our weaknesses during the HARD words & strive to learn something from it all, grow from it.

Hopefully, what you are dealing with here & now -will lead to her opening up and finding her affectionate self somehow. To say that our parents are a certain way, even I have learned in life, that does NOT determine one's fate. Your wife hopefully can learn this , and hopefully she wants to come to this place, to be able to show her real fellings to others & enjoy affection . Is she affectionate with the kids ?? 

Sometimes in life, it takes a Relationship crisis to ALERT us that we indeed, need things to change, no more of the same old, same old, as it has been in need of repair for too many years.


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## 23YearWife (Sep 3, 2010)

Hang in there. I've done some living and can share that every single time I thought it was the end of the world, it turned out to be the start of a new life so good I couldn't have even imagined it at the time.

Honestly. Expect the best. Hugs in the meantime.


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## inneedofhelp (Sep 3, 2010)

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## 23YearWife (Sep 3, 2010)

My first big life dream came true when I was 35, just when I thought all was lost. Now I'm in my 60's and my 2nd big dream is coming true. If I'd known what was coming, I wouldn't have had a single sleepless night. Needlessly, I had many. I promise you, every dream you've ever had can come true. Sleep. You aren't alone.


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