# NPD but I can't leave.



## matador1958 (Oct 24, 2017)

A year ago or so, my then counsellor said my wife sounds like she has NPD, I said eh? what's that?
He then described someone with it, and it was like he'd met her and knew her well.
Giving it a name seems to help somehow. I'm exhausted, driven to the edge of depression time after time. At least I now know others are suffering the same way and I'm not on my own with this. I'm the worst kind of man to be with her, I guess - mild-mannered, too self-effacing, sensitive, geeky, empathetic, pathologically loyal, with a dry sense of humour she often misconstrues. 
But I'm gradually learning to be less of a doormat and to get less distressed by her random angry melt-downs. To not feed her NPD. She can't help it.
But I am wondering if I should ask her if she feels she'd be happier without me. From the way she hurls vicious insults at me at the slightest excuse it seems that way.
She avoids/rejects all kind of physical contact pretty much all the time, which hurts, and then complains of a lack of emotional connection and the lack of intimacy, which twists the knife. 
I'm finding it hard to avoid the conclusion that she wants out but want me to instigate it. But it's not that easy. For one, she'll get the house and a big chunk of my income. And I'll miss her badly. And seriously I worry how she'll do psychologically - I've seen how distressed she gets over even the tiniest setbacks.
I don't know what to do.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

You sound like the perfect kind of man that a women like that would pick. Which is probably why she picked you. 

Look up the book "Human Magnet Syndrome"


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

So your wife is NPD, disgnosed by a therapist who hasn’t actually met her, is that correct? It’s easy to throw around labels, it is irresponsible of so called professionals to do likewise even though they have a duty of care. I would change my therapist.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Or maybe she is just a raging B-itch and you choose to be miserable instead of facing your fear of the unknown future.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

One doesn’t just leave a narcissist.
You’re screwed lol


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

aine said:


> So your wife is NPD, disgnosed by a therapist who hasn’t actually met her, is that correct? It’s easy to throw around labels, it is irresponsible of so called professionals to do likewise even though they have a duty of care. I would change my therapist.


While I tend to agree with you, her observed behavior is still........unpleasant, nonetheless.
No, the more.

Regardless of the title she bears, when you strip her down, bare, she remains a she-bear.

Is there a plausible reason for her behavior that excludes NPD?
Dunno.



_King Brian-_


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The sexes get a beating on TAM.

Sometimes justly, sometimes lopsidedly.

We all have issues, some are unreported....here.

Everyone's spouse is the worst.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> The sexes get a beating on TAM.
> 
> Sometimes justly, sometimes lopsidedly.
> 
> ...


Hey now ..... I think I’m generally fair.....a bit blunt..... but fair. And I actually like my spouse.😜


----------



## Chaotic (Jul 6, 2013)

The diagnosis doesn't matter. You can armchair-diagnose people all day long and what does it get you? Not much.

What matters is whether you can live with your wife's behavior and the way she treats you. If and when you decide you can't live with it, then the question is whether she's willing and able to grow and change. If she's not, then you decide what you do next, stay and suffer or leave and start a new life. Your decision, regardless of her diagnosis. Good luck.


----------

