# Wife Heartbroken over having to leave her horse behind



## throwaway99 (Aug 26, 2015)

Short version: my wife and I are newlyweds. My job is taking us overseas. Originally we planned to ship my wife's horse but due to some unexpected health issues that cropped up this month with the beastie she feels it's no longer prudent to do so. We're scheduled to leave next week. She's heartbroken over having to leave her horse behind. She's owned the animal for 3 years and horse-riding helped her get through some rough times including the death of her father and a fall-out with one of her best friends.

It's a situation I can't fix. All I can do is try to be there for her, but I'm not a horse-person so I can only offer sympathy, not empathy. I'm feeling utterly helpless and powerless watching the woman I love go through this. Any advice?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

A new horse.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My guess is that she's more worried about the horse's future than about her own personal loss. She probably feels that she owes it at least that much. We have horses, so I have a feeling I understand where she's coming from. I think that you can help by making sure that the horse has a good home to go to, perhaps someone she can check in with (Facebook or whatever) and maybe visit when she returns. Maybe someone with kids who will take it on trail rides, or someone in 4H.


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## throwaway99 (Aug 26, 2015)

WorkingOnMe said:


> My guess is that she's more worried about the horse's future than about her own personal loss. She probably feels that she owes it at least that much. We have horses, so I have a feeling I understand where she's coming from. I think that you can help by making sure that the horse has a good home to go to, perhaps someone she can check in with (Facebook or whatever) and maybe visit when she returns. Maybe someone with kids who will take it on trail rides, or someone in 4H.


That very well could be. I hadn't thought about that as the stable we currently board at is owned by a friend of hers. The riding instructor that teaches there, through sheer coincidence, has known that horse almost all its life and is in the person who broke it years ago. (The horse is 18 for reference.) The horse will be well-loved in that stable and I have no doubt the riding instructor would be happy to take it out for a ride every so often.

I just feel like utter dog-****. She's uprooting her life to move halfway around the world with me, leaving behind a job she's amazing at, a workplace she loves, her best friends, and now she's having to leave behind this huge part of her life too.


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## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

Give it time, she'll be okay, let her yap about her feelings without trying to fix it AND stop feeling guilty. Life changes, it's part of the fun.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

What health issues does the horse have?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Is this a permanent move? If not, perhaps someone she knows can lease her horse until you return. I feel bad for her, we form a very strong bond with our horses, and most people just don't understand it. Kudos to you for being sympathetic and understanding to her!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Find the horse a new home and buy her a new one. 

I imagine she will want some $100,000 warmblood.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I am a horse person and do understand your wife. It will be a process of letting go for her, one of which where she is going to get really sad and might even cry at times. She needs for you to understand this is not easy, she needs your support. A kitten or a puppy might warm her heart when you get to your destination.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

My daughter has horses and was recently wondering if there are any horse riding "jobs" for situations like this. Like, she could make some extra cash simply by visiting stables and riding horses whose owners can't ride for whatever reason. She'd love to help you out!  

The bond between horse and owner is incredibly strong. I hope she can go back and visit at least??


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

If the move isn't permanent she can lease the horse to a good home or lend the horse to a therapeutic riding stable. If the move is permanent than selling the horse is the right approach and when you get settled in your new location you can look at getting a new horse or leasing one.

Woman and horses are a funny thing, even more so than crazy cat ladies. When my marriage broke up me ex wife took the horses with her and left he kids with me! lol Finding a good home or environment for the horse will go a long way in helping ease her pain, but yeah, she's going to miss her buddy so you need to keep giving her hugs..


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

A horse is a beast of burden. A tool to be used. That's why you never let yourself get emotionally attached to them. But I was raised in a different philosophy than people who do show and jumping.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I would never marry a horsewoman. You want to talk about crazy? You wanna talk about entitled? They're all nuts. And most are spoiled brats. 

Wanna make sure you don't get blamed for this? Sell the horse here and buy her a new expensive one wherever you are going. Get her a Holsteiner, or Hanovarian, or a Trekaner.: something beautiful, useless and ridiculously expensive.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Horse steaks.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

> I would never marry a horsewoman. You want to talk about crazy? You wanna talk about entitled? They're all nuts. And most are spoiled brats.


 Really?

OP, as a horsewoman I can totally relate. I don't think I COULD let my horse go unless it came down to my kids or the horse. I've had him almost 13 years. Of course I am not married and don't have to face a move without him. When I was married, my ex was in the military and shipping the horse overseas wouldn't have been an option due to finances. Fortunately I was never faced with that scenario, but had planned for my best friend to keep him for me if it came down to it.

Ultimately, it sounds like you are hurting because of EVERYTHING she is sacrificing because of your move. You truly love her, and that is so admirable. My advice is to just continue to love her, be there for her, encourage her to get active in the equine community overseas. And if you can't figure out how to keep the critter someplace until you guys get back for him, promise her another when you get back. I wouldn't recommend purchasing one overseas unless it's an extended tour (10+ anticipated years.) Because she will just have to go through the pain of another loss if you were to move back and couldn't bring him with.

P.S. I would keep him for her until she gets back if I could! I can definitely empathize! I have many military horse friends who have dealt with this!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I would never marry a horsewoman. You want to talk about crazy? You wanna talk about entitled? They're all nuts. And most are spoiled brats.
> 
> Wanna make sure you don't get blamed for this? Sell the horse here and buy her a new expensive one wherever you are going. Get her a Holsteiner, or Hanovarian, or a Trekaner.: something beautiful, useless and ridiculously expensive.


Wow Bandit, what a horrible thing to say! Especially to generalize all of us that way! You don't see me (or other ladies...) on here bashing ALL men who are football fans...or NASCAR fans...or hunters...calling them ALL psychotic lazy a$$holes...!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow Bandit, what a horrible thing to say! Especially to generalize all of us that way! You don't see me (or other ladies...) on here bashing ALL men who are football fans...or NASCAR fans...or hunters...calling them ALL psychotic lazy a$$holes...!


Yeah...so? I'm a d!ck.

That's a new revelation to you?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah...so? I'm a d!ck.
> 
> That's a new revelation to you?


HA, no, but still sometimes you shock me.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Lol


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Whatever happened to Stallion by the way? He might have some extra horses for sale.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> HA, no, but still sometimes you shock me.


Look I understand your rancor. 

But I've been bowled over by many horsewomen....romantically and socially....to ever want to get involved with one for the long haul. And now that most of them are wealthy and entitled? No way Jose...

I think he need to either sell, lease or donate the horse they have now to a worthy owner and buy her one wherever they are moving. 

If this were a dog it would be simple. But horses are fvcking expensive dogs, and women look to buy horses the same way they buy purses... money is no obstacle.

As a former horseman...a guy who grew up cowboying with my dad as a kid...there is not a horse on this planet that is worth more than maybe $3,000 at most. Not... one... single... one. 

Well, maybe American Pharoah....:wink2:

The best horse I ever had was an ugly, Roman-nosed, non-registered, $200 Mexican stock gelding my dad bought for me when my old Quarter Horse mare died when I was 10 or so. That caballo was "bulletproof". I could do anything on him. Rope, herd, gymkhana, pack a deer, bulldog.... hell, he was even good at cutting. And he was fearless as fvck. I could ride him straight down a 55 degree mountainside, dodging rock and cactus like it was nothing....he just motored up and down hills. And he was as gentle and easy going as you could ever wish. I miss him more than any horse I ever had, and he was a cheap low-rent mutt. I would stack him up against the finest $1,000,000 Lipizzaner out of Austria.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Hey, Bandit,

Did you ever post a pic of the antique gun you bought?


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