# My husband never wants sex



## Redd7899 (Feb 4, 2012)

I have been married for a year now, and dated for 3 years. While dating we managed every weekend (that's when we saw each other due to distance). Then we got married and the sex just vanished! I try sexy nighties, sexy dress up, wearing one of his dress shirts, massages, tell him how hot het looks & how I could just have my way with him.....NOTHING! If we do have sex, it's when I start it and always in the same way! There is NO foreplay on his part what so ever and that makes it difficult for me! Only 1 position and in 5 minutes and it's over. I never get a chance to reach my goal. He won't even particapte in helping me take care of myself. I just don't know what to do. I don't believe in cheating, but my body is electric right now and I'm having difficulties. I work out 5 days a week, nice flat tummy, nice figure, large up top, always clean and well taken care of. When I get undressed, he doesn't even look at me! By the way, the last time we made love was New Years Eve! Please help! Any suggestions???????


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## abk (Feb 3, 2012)

I feel for you here. You must feel so rejected.

There must be an underlying cause - is he very stressed?
As with most problems I feel the answer lies with communication, and I can quite understand this can be easier said then done! .. just because both may talk, does not mean both parties actually listen to each other.

Maybe show him that you wrote this? .. then consider his reaction. Is it "Why do you feel like this?" or is it "You never understand?" .. maybe something else?

Listen to his reason if he has one. You are correct by making a step to try solve this as problems often rot and grow if left.

Good luck.


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## Charger45 (Feb 5, 2012)

I am in the same boat your husband is in. I have a lack of desire for anything sexual with my wife right now. We have only been married for 6 months. I have asked her to do the things which you have tried, but since I dont make her feel wanted she wont try anything. I have expressed it her as a boredom issue, but that didnt take very well. I dont know what inside me is causing me not to be attracted to the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with...:scratchhead:


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## isla~mama (Feb 1, 2012)

I've been living with your husband's clone for 16 years. I've tried everything you've tried to no avail. If sex is very important to you, and you don't have children, you may want to re-evaluate if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person. If you have children it's different... I wouldn't recommend leaving, at least not lightly.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

isla~mama said:


> I've been living with your husband's clone for 16 years. I've tried everything you've tried to no avail. If sex is very important to you, and you don't have children, you may want to re-evaluate if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person. If you have children it's different... I wouldn't recommend leaving, at least not lightly.


I strongly agree. 

You are just starting out. There is every reason to believe your sex life is about to go from rare and unsatisfying to non-existent. 

Before you think about children, you need to see real progress or you need to move on. It will be painful but that may be unavoidable.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Redd7899 said:


> I have been married for a year now, and dated for 3 years. While dating we managed every weekend (that's when we saw each other due to distance). Then we got married and the sex just vanished! I try sexy nighties, sexy dress up, wearing one of his dress shirts, massages, tell him how hot het looks & how I could just have my way with him.....NOTHING! If we do have sex, it's when I start it and always in the same way! There is NO foreplay on his part what so ever and that makes it difficult for me! Only 1 position and in 5 minutes and it's over. I never get a chance to reach my goal. He won't even particapte in helping me take care of myself. I just don't know what to do. I don't believe in cheating, but my body is electric right now and I'm having difficulties. I work out 5 days a week, nice flat tummy, nice figure, large up top, always clean and well taken care of. When I get undressed, he doesn't even look at me! By the way, the last time we made love was New Years Eve! Please help! Any suggestions???????


Do not take this lighty, look and read what you just wrote here.... he gives you 0 forplay (what a selfish lover), you have to start every initiation (this makes you feel unwanted), only 1 position (boring), he gets off in 5 minutes (does he even apologize when this happens & have a desire to learn the technigue of lasting/holding it for your orgasm), if he would give you proper forplay, you might get your orgasm in -in 5 minutes even ......then he isn't even loving enough of your needs to help you out ! 

I am wondering since it was long distance for 3 yrs, I bet he did an awful lot of masterbating , so much by his own hand, it became a habit that maybe he is not comfortable breaking ? anxiety with Premature ejaculation even.

Does he have a secret porn addiction? 


.... Your body is going to be electric for the next 20 + years if you are younger & getting more so when you reach your late 30's ... you sound like you have alot going for you- nice body, you could find someone who shares the ideals of pleasing their partner and a love for intimacy & "giving" sex. 

With no kids right now... listen to all who have walked your path, leave before you add children.... at the very least give him an Ultimatum to get his Test checked (if he has no desire & is not wasting it to masterbating alone).... or if he is.....he needs to stop as , once married, our partners is our sole outlets, we are bound , this is so unloving, and uncaring. 

If he is not willing to get help/ change his ways..... then leave this man ... whatever you do --don't add children.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

OH... please don't accept this...this is no way to live.

Is your H approachable?
have you talked to him about...told him what you told us above...how you FEEL at his rejections.
Does he want to be a better lover?
What have been his past relationships been like?

The 'electric skin' thing you mentioned...I call that being 'skin hungry' where my skin is just buzzing at the want/need/thought of his touch.

That need is normal and healthy and it needs to be satisfied by your H...otherwise long term you may end uplooking else where for the loving touch you clearly so much crave (or else you end up living forever without sex and affection)

Forever is long time.....

Best of luck.


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## joshuaty2010 (Feb 6, 2012)

Don't think negatively. I think open communication is the best you can do with your partner ask him And tell him your concerns.


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## Redd7899 (Feb 4, 2012)

abk said:


> I feel for you here. You must feel so rejected.
> 
> There must be an underlying cause - is he very stressed?
> As with most problems I feel the answer lies with communication, and I can quite understand this can be easier said then done! .. just because both may talk, does not mean both parties actually listen to each other.
> ...


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## Redd7899 (Feb 4, 2012)

Yes, we have spoke about stress and he is under more now but that doesn't explain the past year. I have been seeing a counselor about this and he will not go. I have expressed how is lack of desire and effect makes me feel unloved, undesireable, etc. I have spoken to him about pleasing me in other ways, using toys with me but he will not do that. I have found that he is very old fashioned and somewhat of a prude about those kinds of things. He will not participate in oral but wants me to. I told him all of this makes me feel like it's one sided and I will not continue taking care of him when he doesn't seem to care about taking care of me. I told him it's something we both do together because we love one another and want to please the other.......like talking to the wall. I do have a shocker though: He actually initated sex Sunday morning which was wonderful, however, same position and 5 minutes if I'm lucky. He said he can't help it because he gets so excited. I remember when making love was exciting, electric, hot & steamy and where I reached my threshold, but that was with past relationships. I am very sexual and I truly love him. He snuggles every night on the couch when we watch TV, he holds my hand when we are out, he rubs my feet when they are sore. If you were observing us you would probably think we have extremely sexual. Maybe he does all that to make up for the lack of??


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## Redd7899 (Feb 4, 2012)

Boy are we in the same boat! lol I have beginning to think that because he has never been married before, never lived with anyone, but maybe he got so use to taking care of himself that nothing else pleases him as much? Is that possible??? Sometimes I think he feels like sex is something dirty. I've asked about his past, but nothing there. I've met all his family and even talked to his sister about it, but she wasn't aware of anything happening to him as a child that could cause something like this, but I guess you never know. Will your wife go to counseling with you?


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## Redd7899 (Feb 4, 2012)

Forgot to add in my last reply: I even suggested to him that since he has no desire, maybe I should find a lover to take care of my needs. He became very upset & said he would leave if I did that and my response was "well you never use it"! But it was a no go. A girlfriend of mine is married and her husband is a Paraplegic and he agreed that she have a lover on the side to take care of her because he couldn't. It was not always like that, he was in an accident that caused his condition, but I feel he loved her enough to think about her needs over his manhood (is that the right word??)


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## Redd7899 (Feb 4, 2012)

That has crossed my mind lately, but I do love him and my kids adore him! They would be very upset with me if I left him because they are so close. He and my oldest son are very close and have the same interests, they are almost like best friends. Even though they are not his children, it will really hurt them if I did. He said he is really going to try when I told him I went on this site. When he came home Frriday, he bought me flowers. That was nice, but doesn't take care of the problem. I sat him down and told him that we have discussed this issue several times and each time he promised me that he will really work on it, but within a couple of weeks we were back to normal. I told him that his behavior makes me fearful that this time will be no different. Sometimes I think it's hard enough finding a good man out there that maybe I should just continue taking care of myself and wishing for good dreams! lol


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## Redd7899 (Feb 4, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Do not take this lighty, look and read what you just wrote here.... he gives you 0 forplay (what a selfish lover), you have to start every initiation (this makes you feel unwanted), only 1 position (boring), he gets off in 5 minutes (does he even apologize when this happens & have a desire to learn the technigue of lasting/holding it for your orgasm), if he would give you proper forplay, you might get your orgasm in -in 5 minutes even ......then he isn't even loving enough of your needs to help you out !
> 
> I am wondering since it was long distance for 3 yrs, I bet he did an awful lot of masterbating , so much by his own hand, it became a habit that maybe he is not comfortable breaking ? anxiety with Premature ejaculation even.
> 
> ...


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## Redd7899 (Feb 4, 2012)

I understand what you are saying, and I never really thought of him being selfish, but he really is. The masterbating & porn idea has crossed my mind before. He has never been married and he never lived with anyone. I wonder if he took care of his needs that way. I am very computer savy, and checked his computer, cookies, etc. and have found no porn site but that doesn't mean he doesn't go to to one and then delete if from his computer along with the cookies. If he had become use to that, could that cause our issue?


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## Redd7899 (Feb 4, 2012)

waiwera said:


> OH... please don't accept this...this is no way to live.
> 
> Is your H approachable?
> have you talked to him about...told him what you told us above...how you FEEL at his rejections.
> ...


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## Redd7899 (Feb 4, 2012)

I am in my prime & it is difficult. I have never been unfaithful in a relationship and would not start now. I don't believe in that, you need to end a relationship before starting something with another. I know I mentioned a lover, but he would need to agree and that would be because he mentally or physically doesn't/can't take care of my needs. If that is the case, he should think about me before him. I know that is what I would do. That is what I've been doing for a little over a year! I feel like I'm in this whirlwind and don't know what to do. Frustrating! I never thought I'd be with a man that didn't like sex when I am so sexual. I should have lived with him first because then I would have known. When we dated, we only saw each other on the weekends (distance) and we always had sex. I told him I had more sex when we were dating and maybe I should have just kept dating him instead of getting married!


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## 4821 (Nov 3, 2011)

when you saw each other on the weekends did you ever make love? Was it different? Since this is a new marriage then I would absolutely show him what you wrote here, and all the replies. Talk to him openly and make sure he knows that we are all annoymous here. 

Or - talk to him directly. If he was able to be with you once a week and do everything right then maybe that is all he can do. 

This is an early relationship and you might not be compatiable sexually. He could have a fear of having a child. I know a couple that got married and she stopped her BC, and would not let him use protection. She wanted kids. They had their first child. She only wants to have it without protection, and the male feels like another kid is not what he wants right now. They are married about six years now. So they don't have sex. It is ridiculous in the relationship, because there is no longer that closeness. She will not budge on the issue. She is from a different background. 

Sad -


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## 4821 (Nov 3, 2011)

Was he a different lover on the weekends?


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## 4821 (Nov 3, 2011)

You married him. Did you at least live nearby and able to see him everyday before you were married? It doesn't mean you have to live with them. It just makes sure you are initmate with each other before you marry. I mean intimate in able to share your thoughts and fears, and sexuality. This really seems like you need to talk to him about how you feel. Let us know how he feels about this?


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## 4821 (Nov 3, 2011)

Redd7899 said:


> I am in my prime & it is difficult. I have never been unfaithful in a relationship and would not start now. I don't believe in that, you need to end a relationship before starting something with another. I know I mentioned a lover, but he would need to agree and that would be because he mentally or physically doesn't/can't take care of my needs. If that is the case, he should think about me before him. I know that is what I would do. That is what I've been doing for a little over a year! I feel like I'm in this whirlwind and don't know what to do. Frustrating! I never thought I'd be with a man that didn't like sex when I am so sexual. I should have lived with him first because then I would have known. When we dated, we only saw each other on the weekends (distance) and we always had sex. I told him I had more sex when we were dating and maybe I should have just kept dating him instead of getting married!


What did he say when you asked him that question?


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## Redd7899 (Feb 4, 2012)

He said I was right about that and he doesn't know why he isn't put in as much effort as he did when we were dating. I told him something had to change because this is not a healthy relationship. He agreed. He said he is going to make more effort (because he has no desire). We actually made love over the weekend, he did make effort to have some foreplay, but it was still 5 minutes worth and I didn't reach my peak. I don't think I ever will. He is really a prude and wild passionate sex will never be, although I had a really great dream about it last night! :lol:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

New rule in bed... Take turns who gets the first orgasm.

I've never understood selfish male lovers... My partner always gets first right of refusal when it comes to an orgasm. Not saying I'm perfect by any means, but it seems like a basic courtesy. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FormerNiceGuy (Feb 13, 2012)

Sounds like your husband has issues with his sexuality.

Two Book recommendations for you and your husband:

No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Dr. Robert Glover
Male Sexuality, by Michael Bader

I highly recommend that you read the Male Sexuality book first for your own edification. It is a great read.

No more Mr. Nice Guy is written for men, but has many applications for women as well. 

Good luck!


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