# Whackin doesn't do it!



## dignityinshambles (Apr 27, 2012)

I am trying so desperately to not approach my wife for sex. So, I have increased my self love from about every 4th or 5th day to every day in hopes that this would decrease my urge to approach her. But, it hasn't. Why not? What can I do?


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Why are you not approcahing your wife for sex? and quit spankin it everyday thats a sure way for you to want it more.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

If masturbation was a fully satisfying substitute for sex the human race wouldn't have survived long. Masturbation will always only be partially satisfying and thus as long as you have a persistent sex drive you will be at least somewhat miserable without the real thing.

Plus if you are in a low sex or no sex marriage, a reoccurring urge to have sex leads to a reoccurring reminder of rejection.


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## dignityinshambles (Apr 27, 2012)

No sex because our marriage is a mess. I am working on my side of the street as hard as I can. I think she is too. But, really hard to put sex on hold until we work thru things. Is that the only solution?


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

from what I've read, it's better not to refrain from sex at all, even when you are working through things.. the sex makes you closer and more motivated to work through those things.

That's being very general.. I have no idea if that applies to your situation.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

dignityinshambles said:


> I am trying so desperately to not approach my wife for sex. So, I have increased my self love from about every 4th or 5th day to every day in hopes that this would decrease my urge to approach her. But, it hasn't. Why not? What can I do?


Sorry don't know your story, but are you two in therapy or at least communicating about why her desire is low? Are there perhaps issues outside of the bedroom that keep her from wanting you more often?


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Switch hands
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

You might consider quitting masturbation altogether. From my experience, alone sex is so much easier than partner sex that it is a path of least resistance. It offers a course of action that is "not" working on the marriage. If the only sex you get is by being a charming, attentive gentleman and by offering affection, support and conversation to your woman...you will be surprised at how charming you can become.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

If your marriage is a mess, and you're going through problems, the worst thing you can do is eliminate sex. Great sex is a bond and connection that can help bridge a gap between you.

Also, with the way my body works, daily masturbation just increases my drive. It gets to the point where I'm not satisfied unless I've cum 3, 4, 5, sometimes more times. The best way for me to keep my libido in check is to NOT feed it.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

i'm not having sex with my wife. i got to a point where i'm not begging her for it or chasing her for it. i have a healthy libido and she has none. therefore i'm masturbating 4-5 times per week. it's a poor substitute for the real thing, which i would be happy having 1-2 times per week.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Are you putting in a sex aggreement into the rebuilding of your marriage. Where you say how often you want sex and she says how often she wants sex and hopefully you can meet in the middle and ....
they all lived happily ever after. 

Does she know how insanely horny you are?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I thought I had a sex agreement. I call it "marriage".


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> I thought I had a sex agreement. I call it "marriage".


Yes and it's terrible to need one but some spouses seem to forget this is part of the vows... the forsaking others bit and loving and cherishing ie: making yourself available for intimacy.

Most of us don't need a written agreement. I'm also sure most of us married because we loved our W or H and wanted to have hot wild monkey sex with them till death parts us. 

If that's not going to happen why not make an agreement that you BOTH agree on and if the LD partner refuses to meet you half way......well I would question the love of my H if wouldn't even meet me half way on something so important.

We have a financial agreement in our marriage now after marital issues stemming from money and secrets. We set some rules and agreed on them. I wish we didn't need one and that we had never gone through the horrible time we went through last year over all of this.... but we do and did. 
Our agreement helped us both clearly understand where the other is coming from and where and what the boundaries are.


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## Silly Husband (Aug 30, 2010)

The chemicals released in the male brain during orgasm are different between masturbation and intercourse which is why solo sex is not as fulfilling.
Tell her how you feel, what you would like, and then just leave her alone for a few days, and see what happens.


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## Mishy (Mar 28, 2012)

dignityinshambles said:


> I am trying so desperately to not approach my wife for sex. So, I have increased my self love from about every 4th or 5th day to every day in hopes that this would decrease my urge to approach her. But, it hasn't. Why not? What can I do?


Just my 2 cents.

I used to masturbate too when my wife would turn down sex. After reading a couple of self help books I realized that I could channel that "energy" into something useful for me. I started exercizing (and I was quite lazy before),focusing on myself and other needs that does not involve thinking about sex (hobbies, bought a bicycle that I always wanted, got a new haircut, etc..). My relationship with myself and with my wife is (slowly) improving.


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