# Follow Up from Considering Separation - OM Discovered



## Arioch (Jul 9, 2013)

Hi All,

I recently posted in Considering Separation and Divorce, link below:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...5-looking-advice-separated-divorced-dads.html

And after dealing with inconsistencies and what I thought were lies I went about to find what I guess I didn't really want to find which was another man. I put two and two together with irrevocable proof and confronted her. I had to lay out the proof as she first denied it. Then admitted to a Facebook, text and phone relationship with an old boyfriend, a very serious one. At first she said it was just old memory sharing and that she had broken it off. Then admitted it was more and said he had broken it off and that she was sad about that.

At first I was expectedly furious and threatened divorce which she promptly threw back in my face as I am currently unemployed and have no means to support my kids. However, since then I have felt only pain and loss. She admits it was a mistake but when I asked her if she felt guilty she did not answer. She insists that it is over and that if I had never found out it would have been for the best. 

When she was just talking about separation I felt like it was something I could handle. Now instead of wanting a separation I want even more to try to work things out. But she isn't sure if she wants to work things out. I feel like a loser and I'm not really looking for sympathy but does anyone understand feeling this way?? Is it real or just some kind of knee jerk reaction?? I have made an appointment with a therapist but would like perspective from the members here.

Thanks!!


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

Plan B


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## dadof2 (May 9, 2014)

Arioch said:


> Hi All,
> 
> I recently posted in Considering Separation and Divorce, link below:
> 
> ...


I know what your are going through. I am 4 months into a separation that was just for "space" but I soon found the OM.

My suggestion is to not hide your feelings from yourself. When you are alone it is okay to cry or even stare at the wall for hours, I know I have. But when your wife is around, be strong confident and silent. Believe me it is a fake it till you make it kind of thing.

Do the 180, it works wonders. The more you detach, that is the only way she will ever consider coming back. If you beg, then she knows she can keep you as plan B. It is very hard and you will make mistakes as rejection is a hard pill to swallow.

There is no miracle cure, it flat out sucks. I am living it now. Hang in there and post often, it is good therapy. Go see an IC, they can make a lot of difference. There is a lot of good info here, and sometimes these guys can give you a good kick in the ass if its what you need. Sending much love your way brother.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Are you confident it did not get physical?

Above post has great advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I know the feeling all too well.

But you're not a loser. 

You simply have a wife who has betrayed you and doesn't seem to care.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Arioch

What country/state are you in?

Are you attempting to find a job?

When a woman does not want to be married anymore that is usually a sign that they have thought about a separation/divorce for some time.

But what is far worse is when you have a wife that wants to leave her current life (marriage/family/kids).

She wants to what see "what else is out there".

When a woman wants to walk away from her young kids then that woman is giving up her maternal instinct. That is very bad and not normal. 

I am all for keeping your family together. But it takes two. Now that you have found about the OM you must also realize that your wife is a liar about many things.

There is no place for secrecy in a marriage no matter if the marriage is good or bad.

Now show your wife some tough consequences. Also remind her that if she leaves you and the kids she will be paying the lions share of the alimony/child support.

HM


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## Arioch (Jul 9, 2013)

Thanks dadof2. I had a severe emotional breakdown Saturday that I am ashamed of because she saw but since then I have tried to do as you suggest. She has tried to get closer and has apologized multiple times which I have said I appreciate because I do. Its not enough but its something. 

That is a big question I have for the counselor. What boundaries are appropriate at this stage?? I am sleeping apart and have trouble making eye contact and sharing the same space. I am cordial but not friendly. I feel its the best I can do because I am feeling so alone right now.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So are you considering staying with her because you don't have a better option, for the kids, because you love her, or what?

My first suggestion... Work on your self respect. Until you do that, nobody else will respect you. You need to get yourself to the point where you're in a relationship not because you HAVE to be, but because you WANT to be. Your partner needs to respect and want to be with you, too. And I don't get the sense that she does. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

read up on the 180 and seek legal guidance. Find an IC to talk to. Start looking for a job.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

The bottom line here is that your WW is not remorseful. R is difficult enough with a remorseful spouse, but utterly impossible without it.You would be making a tremendous mistake if you attempt to R under these conditions.

Unless or until she completely turns around, you should move forward with divorce. If you can't afford to divorce her immediately, implement the 180 to detach from her in the mean time. Put together an exit strategy that includes as a first priority; finding gainful employment. The 180 and a looming divorce may or may not effect her level of remorse. If it doesn't, keep going and don't look back.

Good luck. Keep posting.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

Don't beat yourself up dude, I've got splinters from my a55 to my shoulder blades from being on the fence for so long. I get the same treatment as you did after discovery; She's sorry she got caught but felt entitled to do what she did (EA). 

I used to think online affairs were harmless or incidental at best. They are quite destructive indeed. 

Dodof2 has got it right for you. Show her no attention, work on yourself and detach. Although it is easier said than done.


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## Arioch (Jul 9, 2013)

I can't be confident it wasn't physical as she had the opportunity despite the fact that he lives in a different city (business trip to where he lives).

And I do still love her and I still want to be with her, more now than before when she was talking about separation. And I don't know why I feel this way. And I don't want my kids to grow up without their mother in the house!! I grew up in a divorced family and it messed us all up pretty bad.

And I don't worry about my self respect. I am a pretty confident guy. Secure in my own skin. I quit my job three years ago to be a SAHD. I don't think I would feel much different if I was financially secure but I do plan to work on that with the counselor.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

being in a marriage with a cheating spouse is likely worse for the kids than D. 

Also, you want to have what you thought you owned. Detach, do the 180.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Arioch said:


> Hi All,
> 
> I recently posted in Considering Separation and Divorce, link below:
> 
> ...


So you threaten divorce and her FIRST (meaning most important and foremost on her mind of what she thinks of you and your marriage) response is "You're a loser who can't take care of the kids".....


Nice......

Divorce her, file for primary custody due to you being the SAH parent.

File for spousal support, maximum child support, the home due to not wanting the divorce to adversely affect the children (best interest of the children is such a powerful tool in divorces).

Then once things are settled in, go get a job.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Stay at home dads can pretty much expect to be cheated on. Women can say what they want but they can't respect a non providing man. Further, we've had quite a few sahd dads here and they simply refuse to understand the male female dynamic.

Get a job and get the two books linked to below.

Until you become employed you can forget about any future with a woman.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

It's time for you to get back to being an independent individual. Then you can have some options, where you and your children aren't dependent upon her whims. That starts with you finding employment ASAP.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Arioch said:


> She admits it was a mistake but when I asked her if she felt guilty she did not answer. She insists that it is over and that if I had never found out it would have been for the best.


This indicates no real remorse and no real understanding of the damage she has caused.



Arioch said:


> She has tried to get closer and has apologized multiple times which I have said I appreciate because I do. Its not enough but its something.


You need to know what would be enough. Counseling should help get to this. Lots of examples on TAM as well.



Arioch said:


> I can't be confident it wasn't physical as she had the opportunity despite the fact that he lives in a different city (business trip to where he lives).


If you can't be sure it wasn't physical then assume it was and make your decisions based on that assumption.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

dadof2 said:


> But when your wife is around, be strong confident and silent. Believe me it is a fake it till you make it kind of thing.
> 
> Do the 180, it works wonders. The more you detach, that is the only way she will ever consider coming back.


To each his own, and I support a BS in whatever route they take - R or D. However this has always bothered me. Pretending you don't care and faux-detaching, doing the 180 in hopes of basically fooling your WW into taking you back. It's really a big game. If I show her how hurt I am and that I really want her back, she'll leave me for sure. If I act like I don't care, play it cool, that'll drive her nuts and she'll want to come back to me.

Does anyone else see this as really f'ed up? I know those games are very real, and played when courting or dating or chasing after women. Playing "hard to get" will make them chase after you.

But with your own wife? Yuck. It's twisted, and I wouldn't want a woman who wanted me back for those reasons.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Arioch said:


> At first she said it was just old memory sharing and that she had broken it off. Then admitted it was more and said he had broken it off and that she was sad about that.


translation: I got dumped by my boyfriend and that makes me sad... but I'm glad I still have you to comfort me!


> At first I was expectedly furious and threatened divorce which she promptly threw back in my face as I am currently unemployed and have no means to support my kids.


Translation: you have no choice because you're a crappy provider, so get back in your box and be happy with the crumbs I dole out as I find another guy.


> She admits it was a mistake but when I asked her if she felt guilty she did not answer.


Translation: her mistake was getting caught, and lack of guilt means she'll do it again.


> She insists that it is over and that if I had never found out it would have been for the best.


Translation: he dumped me, and if you hand't caught me, I could have had my fun guilt and problem-free.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Arioch said:


> She has tried to get closer and has apologized multiple times which I have said I appreciate because I do. Its not enough but its something.


What has she *exactly* apologized for?

My take is that she got busted and is sorry for _that_. Her getting closer may just be securing her plan B while she goes hunting for a new plan A.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Arioch said:


> I can't be confident it wasn't physical as she had the opportunity despite the fact that he lives in a different city (business trip to where he lives).


Then assume it did. She lied about the rest, why would she not lie about this?

She'd say the same thing no matter what happened, so her words are useless and confusing.


> And I do still love her and I still want to be with her, more now than before when she was talking about separation. And I don't know why I feel this way.


You feel that way because you are afraid. I've been there, I understand.

Start by working on yourself. And go get a job. SAHDs have zero power in the relationship in general.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Do a hard 180 and do it for yourself
Get checked for stds. Take care of yourself
See a lawyer and know your options
Find a good counselor. 
Take care of yourself work out eat right and be careful with booze right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Stay at home dads can pretty much expect to be cheated on. Women can say what they want but they can't respect a non providing man. Further, we've had quite a few sahd dads here and they simply refuse to understand the male female dynamic.
> 
> Get a job and get the two books linked to below.
> 
> Until you become employed you can forget about any future with a woman.


Recall there was a study which showed that SAHD's were more likely TO cheat than employed dads. 

More chances to meet women, especially married women.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Here read this, The 180 List, use it.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Arioch said:


> And I do still love her and I still want to be with her, more now than before when she was talking about separation. And I don't know why I feel this way.
> 
> And I don't worry about my self respect. I am a pretty confident guy. Secure in my own skin.


These two statements are conflicting. If you love her more now after what she did, there is likely a self confidence/fear of rejection issue.

It's not necessarily unusual for a BS to have thoughts of rejection. I went threw them too. But right now your anger should be the strongest of all your emotions.You will eventually find it; but the problem is that until you do; you're subject to making more mistakes. Mistakes that will cause your wife to lose even more respect for and attraction to you.

Find that anger and use it constructively. Not to lash out at her, but to be indifferent toward her. That's what the 180 is for.


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## 1812overture (Nov 25, 2013)

Arioch said:


> At first I was expectedly furious and threatened divorce which she promptly threw back in my face as I am currently unemployed and have no means to support my kids.





> I quit my job three years ago to be a SAHD.


These are two different things. Certainly the latter makes alimony possible, right? 

I read your thread in considering separation, and it makes sense that you've migrated over here. I encourage you to find stories of couples you have remained married, and regained happiness, after situations such as yours. And to take note of how the cheater acted after discovery. Do the actions of the cheater in those situations match your wife's?

Sorry you are going through this.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

You took her word that the affair is over??? Ok.....

Unless you've got definite 100% proof it's over, good luck to you.

Believe nothing a cheater says unless you have 100% proof to back it up. We'll swear on our life, our parent's lives, our kid's lives and not even blink our eyes when we do it.


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## Arioch (Jul 9, 2013)

Just read the 180. Great advice. Thanks!!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Arioch said:


> Just read the 180. Great advice. Thanks!!



Arioch, 

I'll also suggest it would do you well to browse the site and the book, the 180 list I linked for you is on. 

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

Good luck.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Arioch said:


> Just read the 180. Great advice. Thanks!!


Another thing Arioch,

The 180's purpose is to help you detach from your WW; to get yourself ready for a future that might not include her; to help you gain confidence and independence. It sometimes has the effect of turning the wayward around; but you can't be assured that it will. Nor should you expect it.

And, in my opinion, if not used in concert with starting the divorce process; it's not being used properly. There's little need to detach from someone that you're not willing to eventually divorce.


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## Arioch (Jul 9, 2013)

How do you do the 180 with the kids around?? We can't just stop doing things together as a family or is it enough to be detached from her when out somewhere with the kids?? I still have to be a great parent.


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## dadof2 (May 9, 2014)

Arioch said:


> How do you do the 180 with the kids around?? We can't just stop doing things together as a family or is it enough to be detached from her when out somewhere with the kids?? I still have to be a great parent.


That is a tough one. In my situation, my wife moved out immediately so there was little awkwardness around the house. We didn't see each other for over a month and I couldn't imagine having to live under the same roof while this is going on. I'm sure others may have better advice, but I know it must be a tough situation living together.

I would recommend that you go ahead and file for D. You say you don't want to do it, but it may be the only way to snap her out. Like someone told me, don't take the fact that she hasn't filed yet as hope. She is just enjoying herself too much to worry about that right now, and you are giving her all the cake she needs.

This early in the game, its a lot about faking it. Trust me its hard, but it is better than moping around while she gets everything she wants.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Arioch said:


> How do you do the 180 with the kids around?? We can't just stop doing things together as a family or is it enough to be detached from her when out somewhere with the kids?? I still have to be a great parent.


You're Ward Cleaver to your children and Mr. Spock to her.


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## Arioch (Jul 9, 2013)

Took me a minute but get it now lol. Thx.

I also read the Mr Nice Guy paper. Some fits some doesn't but I get it.

Funny thing is used to be a really, really bad guy. I've worked hard to change and become what I thought was a better person. Obviously screwed that up.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

mmslp may help too.... ANother good read


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Divorce her and let her pay alimony. I would live in a cardboard box before I would live with a cheater-----I think.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Arioch

Do a search by username.

Lookup the user "jerry123".

He is a SAHD. He has wondered if his wife was having an affair because she has treated him like crap.

Read his journey as he took back his life and control of his marriage.

You will learn a lot. I am sure he would message you back if you reached out to him. We all respect his SAHD advice.

HM


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Some women can respect a spouse who is a SAHD but many can't. If she's one who can't, then she may continue to look outside your marriage. Who knows how this would have played out if the other man hadn't dumped her. Be careful.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Arioch said:


> ...And after dealing with inconsistencies and what I thought were lies I went about to find what I guess I didn't really want to find which was another man. I put two and two together with irrevocable proof and confronted her. I had to lay out the proof as she first denied it. Then admitted to a Facebook, text and phone relationship with an old boyfriend, a very serious one. At first she said it was just old memory sharing and that she had broken it off. Then admitted it was more and said he had broken it off and that she was sad about that....


Same wife who missed her period and in your other thread?

Assume she had a physical affair, and you are plan b.

Carry on with the 180 and eventual split from her.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So what's going on with the cheating? Is she PROVING to you that she has stopped all contact? Does she hand over her phone to prove it? Do you have her passwords? Do you regularly check her electronics? What has she done to make up for this?

Oh and btw, if she took a business trip to his city, it became physical. Haven't seen a single instance when it didn't in over 10 years.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Build being a great parent into your 180.

Demonstrating what a great dad you are is part of showing her what she's losing.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

"I quit my job three years ago to be a SAHD. "

This is one of the worst things you can do for causing wife to lose respect for you. Get a job as fast as you can and detach from the cheater. Implement the 180 to salvage any self esteem you have left.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

happyman64 said:


> Arioch
> 
> Do a search by username.
> 
> ...


Well, I for one do not think jerry's case is any thing more than a stand off. Not knowing any man that would stay at home and do a wife's job while his wife goes out and does a man's work, it has always puzzled me how two people could swap gender rolls. Having read the threads of sahds here, I am now positive he can't work. It boils down to a man being a wife and a woman being a husband. No amount of political correctness is going to change genetic biology.

Right now, OP is the cook, butler, maid and babysitter. No well adjusted woman wants to mate with the hired help. Now or ever.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

badmemory said:


> The bottom line here is that your WW is not remorseful. R is difficult enough with a remorseful spouse, but utterly impossible without it.You would be making a tremendous mistake if you attempt to R under these conditions.
> 
> Unless or until she completely turns around, you should move forward with divorce. If you can't afford to divorce her immediately, implement the 180 to detach from her in the mean time. Put together an exit strategy that includes as a first priority; finding gainful employment. The 180 and a looming divorce may or may not effect her level of remorse. If it doesn't, keep going and don't look back.
> 
> Good luck. Keep posting.


This guy nailed it. Listen to him. And get a job asap. Good luck.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

unemployed. good. file for divorce and ask for spousal support.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Well, I for one do not think jerry's case is any thing more than a stand off. Not knowing any man that would stay at home and do a wife's job while his wife goes out and does a man's work, it has always puzzled me how two people could swap gender rolls. Having read the threads of sahds here, I am now positive he can't work. It boils down to a man being a wife and a woman being a husband. No amount of political correctness is going to change genetic biology.
> 
> Right now, OP is the cook, butler, maid and babysitter. No well adjusted woman wants to mate with the hired help. Now or ever.


I wanted Arioch to come to his own conclusions but I do agree with you Chap. 

SAHD's do not win (have long term happy marriages) in these role reversal marriages. Especially when infidelity rears its ugly head.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

When the more a BS(you) chases after the WS(her), the faster the WS will run in the opposite direction.

The harder you chase, the further you'll fall behind.

She had an affair. The OM dumped her. If he hadn't, she'd still be cheating on you. Right now you are just a soft place to land after being rejected by her boyfriend.

She'll find another in due time. She's not worried about you leaving over it either.

Sometimes you have to lead them to the cliffs edge and start to push, before they'll try to grab on to you again. 

If you don't file D and continue to follow through, you'll be right back where you are Today in a short while. The, proceed with the D.

If she doesn't start doing something to stop the D as the court date approaches, then you'll only be loosing future heart aches.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

After reading both threads I suggest let the scum go. 

Get some self respect also. It's great you are working out and losing weight. 

Are you a SAHD or did you just lose your job. What line of work did you do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

So, you quit your job to stay with the kids, to be an interactive and responsible parent taking some of the strain off your wife, and she throws this back in your face. Wow! That's pretty cold. Perhaps you really should think about getting back in the workforce if for no other reason than to show her you could make it on your own without her and support your kids. Something to consider.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think your old lady has your number...you ain't going anywere.

Time to prove her wrong.

And when all of you are out as a family that family only includes you and the kids....your old lady is just a bystander. Showing her she can be replaced.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Also read Bagdon's With a man I don't love.

He manages to do a modified 180 at home. He still interacted with his wife but eliminated the needy guy.

Are you in good shape compared with your ideal? Machiavelli coached Bagdon.

You can be a bit of a game player now. She wants separation? Give it to her. Moreover, she can move out since you are the primary care giver. She wants the separation as a transition. Often couples discuss whether separation allows dating. This is like asking for an extended warrantee from a store that is going out of business. She wants to have privacy to do what? 

A. Avoid intimacy with you, to whom she is no longer attracted.
B. To begin intimacy with other men. She's been longing to if she hasn't already.

So, don't bother discussing celibacy as a condition.

About a week after she has the apartment or house, she is going to miss her family, perhaps even you. At this point you might serve her divorce papers, including alimony. She may consider this betrayal. It may spark her to seek reconciliation. She may also be happy to get what she has wanted for some time. So, at least you can take control of the end, instead of being dumped.

You may feel that it is too early to date. But you might get involved in activities with singles, like meetup. Take up martial arts, rock climbing.
Do you like the water? Underwater hockey is a crazy but fun sport. Usually the clubs have cute women. 

You need to explain more to decide whether to go the way of Bagdon, whose wife loves him, or Jerry, whose wife loves him in her way. The alternative is to push for divorce and start anew.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

marduk said:


> Then assume it did. She lied about the rest, why would she not lie about this?
> .


if she was having an EA, and then did a business trip to his city...yeah you can 90% be sure they met physically. That does not mean they got laid, but probably at the very least had long hand holding walks and talked about intimate things to come.

If she needs to have EA contacts, tell her to find a guy in Australia or something equally far away for next time!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

thummper said:


> So, you quit your job to stay with the kids, to be an interactive and responsible parent taking some of the strain off your wife, and she throws this back in your face. Wow! That's pretty cold. .


I did something a little similar. I quit a fairly high level management job, and decided on consulting work (designing out of my home) so I could be at home with the kids more. It was a small cut in pay, mostly because the consulting is not stead work....it comes and goes depending on the economy. 

But I DID give up a cozy corporate life, and climbing the ladder, etc. to be Mr Mom. Then after the kids went off to school, I was into the "flex time" lifestyle and continued the consulting, enjoying time off to hunt, fish, hike, etc. 

So, after giving up on one career path and spending so much time raising the kids, she says something like "you do not make as much money as you used to"... like it was a diss. 

Boy did I rip her a new Ahole that day. I pointed out my being home for the kids while they were growing up allowed her to progress in the corporate world as quickly as she did. All those nights of cooking, homework, cleaning, while she was on the other side of the world....were all forgotten...I was the selfish one:rofl: 

Go figure.

Spouses* really *should think twice before blurting out comments like that. It is like chipping away at their SO's soul...not something than heals in a day or two.


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## Arioch (Jul 9, 2013)

Hi All,

I just wanted to say thanks for all the great advice and perspective. I think its unfortunate but have to agree with the SAHD argument. I quit a multiple six figure job I hated because my kids were small and my wife had more job security and satisfaction. I will never agree that it was a mistake because I would never trade those years for anything. Its not like my marriage was happy before so I am thinking this was inevitable no matter what.

I had begun the process of starting my own business before this all came down and after reading about Mr. Nice Guy and the 180 I have set both the business and the detachment in motion. I understand I am Plan B and that is what is fueling me right now.

Divorce is a big step but I do plan to discuss it with my IC when I have my appointment and know a couple of divorced guys here (one with custody) that I am planning to contact for attorney recommendations.

I have to admit that when I started this post I was heartbroken and desperate for reconciliation. You have all given me the strength to move on with just me and my kids. Thanks!!


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

As several have pointed out this attitude is your best way of saving your marriage. Your wife has to discover that you are a great guy. However, she has been thinking about getting rid of you for some time. The person who wants the relationship less has most of the power.

By moving on you will force her to reevaluate her sex ranking.

Do you think that at work there are many who stroke her ego?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Your marriage isn't over yet. Showing her strength and determination and unwillingness to share her will make YOU look more desirable. Expose the affair, show her you'll move on if she doesn't quit, start getting out and looking great and having amazing fun without her...you'll be surprised.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She is not a prize he gets after proving something. Unless she is desperate to win him back, begging him, he shouldn't even bother


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Your not a loser. You are just down on your luck, and it has been made worse by your unfiathful wife.

I can honestly suggest to not be to reliant, or needy when wanting to reconcile. Nothing turns a woman off more than a man with no back bone.

Instead do a complete 180 on her and offer her consequences for her actions.

Regardless of your jobless situation visit a divorce lawyer find out some facts on how a divorce will shake out for you. You never know if your wife works and you dont you might be entitled to spousal support.

Unless you offer up consequences for her actions instead of rugsweeping this mess you will not see any progress with her. If you want any chance of any meanful reconciliation with your wife you must first be deadly serious to blow up the marriage due to your wifes actions. Only then might your wife realise realities and where this is heading.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

"It was more". What exactly are you forgiving or not? Just a basic definition, not a play by play. 

Sexting with pictures exchanged is plenty good enough description.

In my VAR work for others I myself heard the friend of the WW admit to a six month Sexting affair that self stopped, was only one guy, and she regretted it. Unless she was lying to her Best friend, it does happen. No she never told hubby.

Not saying D or R. Your call.

Then again her nice snippy comments about you are a nice little addendum.


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