# Its me again :(



## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Ok well i've been here plenty of times and most know my story. My wife said she loved me but wasn't in love with me, and i heard through the grapevine she was having an affair. I found a message from her to another person saying she slept with this guy but yet she still denies it and says i hurt her alot for not believing her. Anyway after 2 1/2 months of separation and her telling me we would never ever get back together again. Guess What? She has been sending me texts, "hey do you want to try to make us work again?"

Ok well I try to talk to her just to have a civil conversation to feel her out and see what she is thinking (what is her motives for this change of heart). She is still so moody, doesn't take any blame and puts it on me, yet when we talk it always ends in a argument and her just shutting down and walking away. She hot and cold to me, one second she is asking to try again and the next its divorce time. IDK

I'm wondering what her motives could be (maybe her OM got what he wanted and isn't interested anymore, maybe she is slowly coming out of the "fog" but not there yet, maybe its because she is trying to use me because she is starting to feel the strain on her financially).

Looking for what you guys might think is up with her. Do you think she is wanting to reconcile but is still having a hard time admitting she was wrong?

She will say things like tonight, i went pick up the kids from her, and she says out of the blue "do you miss me?". Well, i respond , yea almost breaking down and crying. Then i said i guess its only me because you don't miss me. She then slams the door and walks off without saying something. (Was i being an a$$?) 
Am i missing something obvious?

Or do you think she keeps stringing me along with her little comments like do you want to try or do you miss me to reassure herself that she still has me hooked? Is she boosting her ego my knowing i still have feelings for her and that is all that she wants?:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

she's fishing for you to miss her, but she doesn't want you actually back. She just wants to know you're still a puppy dog waiting for her.

Really, divorce her and upgrade.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> she's fishing for you to miss her, but she doesn't want you actually back. She just wants to know you're still a puppy dog waiting for her.
> 
> Really, divorce her and upgrade.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Exactly! She wants to make sure you're still her back up plan in case her relationship with OM goes south. If she was truly starting to waffle or come out of the fog, she would be starting to admit she did something wrong. 

*She's still unrepentant and unremorseful.* That should tell you right there what her intentions are. Stop taking the bait when she is fishing! Hold to the hard 180! Only talk about the kids or finances. Stop having conversations with her, all you're doing is boosting her ego and letting her know that she still has you by the balls.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I had to read your posts again. You have the unrepentant, unremorseful WW who rubs the affair in your face, while she and her mother demonize you in public as well as facebook. AND she's not paying any bills and the house is going to be foreclosed on. 

And she has the nerve to ask you if you miss her? Stop pining away for her. Please don't deny it, because its obvious that you are since you actually engaged her in these silly conversations that end up only going one way. Stop it now. Go dark on her already.


----------



## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

No! You don't miss her! Get your head out of your a$$'. Every time you say tht you put the power back in her control. And stop fkn crying.

Stick with the 180. Don't waver from it, ever! 

Her: Do you miss me?

You: I'll bring the kids back by 5 o'clock on Tuesday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

Please stop being so pathetic!


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

tigercat said:


> She will say things like tonight, i went pick up the kids from her, and she says out of the blue "do you miss me?". Well, i respond , yea almost breaking down and crying. Then i said i guess its only me because you don't miss me. She then slams the door and walks off without saying something. (Was i being an a$$?)
> Am i missing something obvious?


You tell her "yeah", you miss her, you practically break down crying, and she slams the door in your face. It doesn't get any more obvious than that. Really.


----------



## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> You tell her "yeah", you miss her, you practically break down crying, and she slams the door in your face. It doesn't get any more obvious than that. Really.


I didn't cry, I controlled myself just couldn't hold in the word "yes" and exposed that i still miss her, that was my mistake. It wasn't like i said yes i miss you and she laughed and slammed the door. When i said that i guess you don't miss me, it was like i hurt her feelings, she slammed the door and walked away and i could almost bet she was crying while walking away. This is something she didn't show at first but i am starting to notice more now, she has emotion where when this first happened she was cold and heartless. I don't want to give her little kick of power but i also want to hear what she has to say. Im not having these conversaions with her and opening up, the few times she really talked to me was her talking and me just listening to what she has to say.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Please stop rationalizing your behavior. You've started quite a few threads here with the idea that you are hoping that she will have a change of heart. This is where you fail, my young Padawan. Look at this from your post:



tigercat said:


> This is something she didn't show at first but *i am starting to notice more now, she has emotion where when this first happened she was cold and heartless*. I don't want to give her little kick of power *but i also want to hear what she has to say*.


You are *desperately grasping at straws* here. You want her to be remorseful so badly that you are looking at any way of justifying her behavior. You even asked if you were being an @ss. Really? Are you freaking kidding? You shouldn't want to hear what she says at all except if it's about the finances and children. Do you even see her pursuing you even a little bit? I don't. 

Sorry for this 2x4, but this is my opinion about what I see is going to happen to you: Your WW's finances are crumbling, and the house is going into foreclosure. At some point, reality is going to start hitting her, if it already hasn't. If she starts to show some signs of guilt and false remorse and you are going to pounce on it and take her back. 

Stop feeding her ego already and letting her know that you're pining for her and will continue to be her back up plan. Just let her go.


----------



## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Tigercat, you need to strengthen yourself up both mentally and emotionally. It’s like strengthening your body physically say in order to compete in a marathon. It’s easy to think on how we may do that physically, but how on earth do we become mentally and emotionally stronger?

First off in the face of adversity (your wife) get right into that 180 and do that right away. Second read about, put up and enforce healthy boundaries against your wife and against your own negative behaviour. These are boundaries of Intolerance. To help know about boundaries, the concept, what they are, think on the 180 as a collection of boundaries around yourself. The 180 is there to protect yourself from further wounding and opening up old wounds wrt your wife. Take a look at Relationship Book, Self Help Relationship Book For a Man, Best Manual for Men.

With the mental strength, you need to be able to disassociate from your wife when your are interacting with her. What do I mean? Because of your lack of boundaries, you are letting your wife right inside, straight through to your heart and soul. At the moment you have no gatekeepers for your heart or your soul, she gets straight through and that is why you so easily get upset, emotional. You need gatekeepers and those are your boundaries. You have to use your mental abilities to put your boundaries in place so your heart and soul is protected.

But just how do you do that? How do you disassociate from your wife when you are interacting with her such that you can see when she’s attacking you that you are aware enough to put up your boundaries? Read Awareness by Anthony de Mello and in time you will learn these things.

Boundaries and Awareness are both “life skills”. But unlike literacy, driving a car etc. it’s not until sh!te happens that we become conscious of the fact that we actually need these types of skills. And becoming competent in the application of these life skills follows the Four Stages of Competence (from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_stages_of_competence):

_Unconscious Incompetence 
The individual does not understand or know how to do something and does not necessarily recognize the deficit. They may deny the usefulness of the skill. The individual must recognise their own incompetence, and the value of the new skill, before moving on to the next stage.[2] The length of time an individual spends in this stage depends on the strength of the stimulus to learn.[3]

Conscious Incompetence 
Though the individual does not understand or know how to do something, he or she does recognize the deficit, as well as the value of a new skill in addressing the deficit. The making of mistakes can be integral to the learning process at this stage.[4]

Conscious Competence 
The individual understands or knows how to do something. However, demonstrating the skill or knowledge requires concentration. It may be broken down into steps, and there is heavy conscious involvement in executing the new skill.[3]

Unconscious Competence 
The individual has had so much practice with a skill that it has become "second nature" and can be performed easily. As a result, the skill can be performed while executing another task. The individual may be able to teach it to others, depending upon how and when it was learned._



And just like getting ready for that marathon it takes time and dedication to become mentally and emotional strong. But at the very least out of all of this you will come out a better and a mentally and emotionally stronger man.


----------



## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

tigercat said:


> She will say things like tonight, i went pick up the kids from her, and she says out of the blue "do you miss me?". Well, i respond , yea almost breaking down and crying. Then i said i guess its only me because you don't miss me. She then slams the door and walks off without saying something. (Was i being an a$$?)
> Am i missing something obvious?


YES YOU ARE! (you should have been an a$$)

Everyone is already saying this but I don't care.

She wants to chase you, she doesn't want you acting like a doormat. I've seen the hot/cold many times and its always from the BS jumping on any sign that the WS wants them back and ends up scaring them off.

You are her backup plan but you're, dare I say "sissy" behavior continues to turn her off. Once they are in the "I want you back" mode then the more you REJECT them, the more they will want you. The second you show interest then tend to run away again.

If she wants to try again and you tell her "No, its over and I don't ever see us working out" she will go nuts trying to win you back. The problem is if you let her "win" she will lose interest.

For Jebus sakes, tell her to go to hell! It will probably get her panties all wet if you tell her off.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Here are some helpful things;
1) [her] "Do you miss me"= [you] "I miss the women you once were"

2)[her] " Do you want me back"= [you] " I want the women back with out the OM and with healthier behaviors"

3) [her] "I didn't do anything wrong"= [you] " what did you do right, when you started seeing OM"


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Then again you can agree that she should be unhappy in the marriage, that you can now see why she wants to end it and wish her a good and happy life. The very next morning, see a lawyer and serve her papers ASAP. 

You have to be willing to let go, only then can you regain your power. I bet you will decide that the new you does not need a deceptive disrepectful woman in your life. When you meet a woman who matches you in character, You will be glad that you got away from your wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> No! You don't miss her! Get your head out of your a$$'. Every time you say tht you put the power back in her control. And stop fkn crying.
> 
> Stick with the 180. Don't waver from it, ever!
> 
> ...


I love this


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

She needs to continue to feel your absence. There is no contrition yet. With out it you have nothing but a cheater waiting for her next lay.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

4) [her] do you miss me == [you] I'll happily dance on your grave

5) [her] could you see us together again == [you] only when every other woman, man, and animal is gone from the earth and I have to decide to acknowledge you are still alive.


----------



## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

Tiger, you wrote the following: " ...she slammed the door and walked away and i could almost bet she was crying while walking away."

With all due respect, you are so desperate that you have become absolutely delusional. SHE is hurt because you don't think SHE has proper feelings for you?! 

Dear lord man, stop. Just stop. When you hopes get so bad that you start seeing and hearing things that just are not there, it is time to get help. Just go sit with a professional and bare your heart and soul. The internet and its brutality are not enough to wake you up.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!!


Arrrrrrrgghhhhhhhaabbbbbpppppppppphhhhhhh!!!


----------



## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I see dead people...


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Zombies are so much fun...

Get out the zombie ammo


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Here we go again.... 

These are getting FUN! I get to find all kinds of cool memes!!

*WHO keeps resurrecting these things!!* (Is there a zombie-troll amongst us?! :rofl

:banhim:


----------



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

On the next episode of

"The Walking Thread"

The survivors can't understand where all of these zombie threads keep coming from.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

What happens next will be someone will come along, only read the first couple of posts, then respond to that without reading all the newer zombie alerts.

tick tock


----------



## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

MY bad. wasn't paying attention to dates. Nothing here, I'll clean up my mess.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

No doubt she either got dumped or saw that the grass wasn't as green as she thought it was on the other side of the fence and you my friend are plan B.

Before you could have any kind of R with her, she has to come clean with her affair or else your doing nothing but living another lie.

One other thing. If she still wants to hurl the blame on you then to me that is a sign that she has no intentions of changing her ways and you'll be in for more heart ache and honestly, it ain't worth it.


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Again, Zombie Thread!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Last I heard OP WW was living in a trailer and taking in stray cats.

Any Walking Dead fans know when Waling Dead comes back on?


----------



## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

the guy said:


> Last I heard OP WW was living in a trailer and taking in stray cats.
> 
> Any Walking Dead fans know when Waling Dead comes back on?


Next Sunday I believe.


----------



## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Zombie or not, it would be nice to know what happened. :scratchhead:


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

thummper said:


> Zombie or not, it would be nice to know what happened. :scratchhead:


The last activity of the OP was on this thread 3 years ago. Hopefully he moved on.


----------



## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

or...we will get a 
" im back" thread
apparently after forgiving her and taking her back (becoming her wallet again) with no repercussions, she found ANOTHER OM...and HE hasnt dumped her...yet...and the op is so confused on how she could keep doing this to someone who loves her so, and what about this and that

just a guess of course


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Closing this ancient thread...


----------

