# Even though I'm giving up, it's very painful



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Ive given up on having sex with my H, it's just not a priority at all to him. It's hard for me though when he wants to shower with me, but it's not at all to touch me, look at me or bend me over in the shower. 
He just tells me how stressed he is. I told him I have a natural stress reliever. I even had just shaved before getting into the shower. 
I just wish he could take 5 minutes out of his thinking. I want the thrill of knowing he wants me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, honey.

*hugs*


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

blueskies30 said:


> Ive given up on having sex with my H, it's just not a priority at all to him. It's hard for me though when he wants to shower with me, but it's not at all to touch me, look at me or bend me over in the shower.
> He just tells me how stressed he is. I told him I have a natural stress reliever. I even had just shaved before getting into the shower.
> I just wish he could take 5 minutes out of his thinking. I want the thrill of knowing he wants me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Maybe instead of deciding to give up for ever... perhaps set a time limit to it. Like a moratorium on sex for say a month.

Perhaps a month of no activity/pressure from you will change his tune a bit?


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I've really thought about not saying anything or doing anything sexual, but it's very hard for me. It's hard with his upcoming leaving to work. It could be short, a few months with him away and meowing with his parents. He just got a call yesterday from a company he's been trying to get hired with. They are looking at him to get hired and go to Australia for 2 yrs, he'd be bringing us with him. 

Right now I think I must be in a sexual prime or something. I never was like this before our seperation. So I'm not sure if it's the realization of things during the seperation and the fact that maybe I hit my sexual prime. We used to use lubrication before seperation and now we never ever need it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I also would never give up forever, just give up during this time of great stress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I hear you loud and clear blue

I also have a difficult time not saying or doing anything sexual and avoid most of the handholdin/cuddling stuff she seems to like hoping it will cause a lightbulb to go off in her head. It doesn't

And before anyone hits the REPLY feature, yes, she and I have talked this to death almost and all that other crap too


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Toffer said:


> I hear you loud and clear blue
> 
> I also have a difficult time not saying or doing anything sexual and avoid most of the handholdin/cuddling stuff she seems to like hoping it will cause a lightbulb to go off in her head. It doesn't
> 
> And before anyone hits the REPLY feature, yes, she and I have talked this to death almost and all that other crap too


My Husband holds my hand, texts me that he loves me and does other sweet things, but not sex. Before he moved back in I was afraid of his LD. I told him I wanted sex 3 times per week and would that be a problem. He said it would not be, but obviously that was a lie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Has he lost any weight? Has he kept on working out? Have you guys gotten a MC? You both cheated - how is the healing going from that?


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

No he's not lost any weight, we have gone to MC and are finished with it for now because he's going to be working out of state. There still is a lot of healing to be done on both sides. I feel like we cant fully heal in this stressful time. Infedility was not brought up much in MC, our counselor said its in the past and as long as H has no contact, we need to move on from it. 

I thought my husband had healed, but we just had a little blow up yesterday which was spurred by his distrust in me. The blow up caused us to later talk through text. He said he's been worried about me because I've been queit and texting or messaging on FB just like I did when I kicked him out of the house.

So I'm thinking being in this house is a trigger for him. I do tell him who I'm FB messaging and who I'm texting, but lately he was getting very very nosy until I blew up a little because every where I went in the house he was asking what I was doing. All I said was "NOTHING!!" 
Which caused him to blow up saying he was leaving cause I was acting strange all morning. 

So maybe what I need to do is try to accept that we won't be having sex until our new life can finally start!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

And no he has not kept working out, he plays video games for hours a day or draws on his computer and eats plenty of cookies. We have a gym membership that I am encouraging him to use once he goes out of state. I'd like him to spend some of his extra time at the gym working out like 3 times per week. He complains about his body every day
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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

blueskies30 said:


> And no he has not kept working out, he plays video games for hours a day or draws on his computer and eats plenty of cookies. We have a gym membership that I am encouraging him to use once he goes out of state. I'd like him to spend some of his extra time at the gym working out like 3 times per week. He complains about his body every day
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I like/play video games, and I understand their draw. It's easy to just let yourself be continually entertained by games.

Unfortunately in my experience only he can break himself from the habit of playing games, eating poorly and choosing to exercise. You can mention it to the point where he feels you are nagging... but the drive to change comes from within.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You need another counselor, one who is willing to address the issue of infidelity. Neither of you has worked through either your own infidelity or your own betrayal, in my opinion. Take it for what it's worth. If you can't go together then go separately.

He told you he doesn't feel worthy of making love to you because he is overweight. Until he does something about this himself, there's not much you can do. He has to want to change. I know exactly how hard that is though - I struggle with it every day myself. It is SO EASY to just not do it. Ironically, once I felt better about my relationship and myself, I was more likely to do something physically active. Once I did, I found out being active made me feel even better, which made me want to work out more, etc. It's taking that first step that is HUGE. All the hinting bugging in the world my husband did never made any difference. And he wasn't mean about it at all either. It just highlighted to me how much he disliked my condition. Him loving me unconditionally made me want to change for the better.


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