# What does a good marriage look like day-to-day?



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

In a few short sentences or even a short list of words, what does a good marriage look like in terms of day-to-day? When a happy couple comes home from work, what is it like? On a weekend, what is it like?

It can be abstract like "affectionate", but I would be interested in things like "I usually spend an hour listening to music with her", or "I go work out in the basement while she reads in the den".

For context, my wife asked me what I thought a good marriage looked like. This was in response to my unhappiness btw, not her complaining about me. She thinks my expectations are unrealistic and abnormal. She offered up her parents' as "typical" and about what I should be happy with.

She is looking at this from a behavioral and activity kind of viewpoint. As an example "sit and watch tv together after dinner".

My answer to her was "Happy", and when she pressed for more I said it had been so long since things felt normal that I don't even know what normal looks like any more.

I do have a list of things which I would like my marriage to be, but it is not a description of what we do daily.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

When I don't have to leave the room to fart.

Is that short enough for you?


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## HazelGrove (Feb 29, 2012)

To me, it means simply that when I look at my guy, or speak to him on the phone, I feel - despite all the circumstantial sh*t we're going through and associated tensions - there's no-one else on earth I'd rather be married to, and I'd rather be married to him than be single again (even though I enjoyed being single when I was!)

How we interact and behave will depend on both of us feeling that way. There is a wealth of difference between sitting down and watching tv together with that feeling in our hearts, and just sitting down and watching tv with someone we don't care for in that way. One transforms tv-watching into a warm and intimate experience and the other is just... making do. Same with other activities. And you can both be doing totally different things, and still feel that way, and bless each other for the gift of space. 

Because of circumstances, I've only just had to return in my home country while I sort out visa issues. At the airport, my husband held me and joked - "I'll have no-one to watch tv with." To me that meant more than anything he could have said, even though it's not really romantic! He's thousands of miles away now, but I feel him close.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

It's funny how some marriages "look" good when really they are falling apart.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

When I would rather spend my time with her than anybody else.

There is no normal IMO. Normal is overrated. She is my best friend/roomate/Lover. Not as much of the love part, but getting better.

My wife and I will cook dinner together.

Clean house together

Go see a movie as a family

I guess we do things that friends may do together.

After the chemistry/passion dies, friendship is all that is left.

We also have our time to do our own thing.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> In a few short sentences or even a short list of words, what does a good marriage look like in terms of day-to-day? When a happy couple comes home from work, what is it like? On a weekend, what is it like?


We start the day with a kiss good morning.

During the day we try to take a minute to call/text and say HI. We like to let one another know we're thinking of them.

When we get home, we kiss hello first, then talk about our day. He has a tougher job, so I do more listening than talking, but I can tell he appreciates being able to vent to me.

We do kind things for each other. Little things like picking up a snickers for him will make him smile. He likes to put his arms around me while I'm doing something... it could be washing dishes or cooking dinner. He'll grab my wine glass and fill it for me. We like the same shows, and actually on Wednesdays we will watch them together. 

We laugh A LOT.

At bedtime we say goodnight with a kiss. 

On weekends, we run errands together. He's the best 'come with' buddy I have. There's times he wants to watch a game downstairs, and I'll be on the kindle upstairs. We try to eat out once a week, and usually it's the weekends.

We talk about our dreams. We fantasize about what we'd do if we won the powerball. We're silly with one another. 

Ours IMO is a very good marriage. We have balance.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> Ours IMO is a very good marriage. We have balance.


Thanks for your whole post. It really hit home as it is what I remember the very early days being like for us, at least on the good days. I don't think they really were authentically like yours now that I have a different perspective, but it is what I like to think a marriage should mostly be like.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

All days are different.

Some days "good" means I cherish every moment. I gaze at her with love in my eyes and my heart. I want my life with her to be an old Jim Croce song.

Other days, we just irritate the crap out of each other, but no massive fight. That counts as good too.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I hope it gets better for you Thor. It's really about the little things. You can bring the little things back, one by one. Make the choice to do something for your marriage every day, and you'll see things will change for the better.


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## Kricket (May 10, 2011)

CantSitStill said:


> It's funny how some marriages "look" good when really they are falling apart.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. I sometimes find that those trying the hardest to show how great their marriage looks are those who are struggling to make it work.

My husband and I comment all of the time on those couples on facebook who post the most about happy they are and how much they love their spouses. These couples always seem to turn out to be the ones who have the most issues. So how it looks doesn't matter. 

Does your spouse make you smile when they walk in the house at the end of the day? If so, it looks good from the inside.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Thor said:


> I do have a list of things which I would like my marriage to be,


Let's hear it!


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

You need the 5 As- Attention, Accepence, Appreciation, Allowing (allowing them to be themselves) and Attentive..follow those..give and receive those and it should be a great marriage
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> I hope it gets better for you Thor. It's really about the little things. You can bring the little things back, one by one. Make the choice to do something for your marriage every day, and you'll see things will change for the better.


Thanks. I keep trying but feel it is mostly a one sided effort.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Every morning my husband greets me with a hello and good morning(4-5am) as he lets the cat outside. He goes back to bed. I wake him up for work, along with the kids.

I either will make him a hot breakfast(waffles, french toast, pancakes, oatmeal) or prepare his toast, cereal bowl, and tang while getting the kids their breakfast. We have chickens, which lay fresh eggs daily. Yum!

While he and the kids are eating, I wake up the chickens(clean the coop), take the dogs out and get the kids clothes ready for the day.

He leaves for the day often calling me to chit chat or to see if I need anything from the store as he does all the shopping. The kids are off to school and I'm home cleaning and taking care of the animals.

He comes home and is greeted with happiness from the kids, dogs, and a kiss from me. Dinner is usually ready when he is home.

My hubby will often do the dishes and if there's homework I do not understand, he'll finish that up with the middle child. 

The kids take a bath together, which gives us our intimate time. Afterwards we snuggle watching a tv program or talking. We usually hold hands or he embraces me with his arms. 

We put the kids to bed, and I go to bed with the kids. My husband uses this time as his winding down to himself time. I wake up around 10-11 and remind him it late, so he goes to bed.

The weekends are great. We take time to do things around the house after the girls get home from swim lessons, which he takes them. We still snuggle in the evening, but once in a great while in the afternoon watching a movie that's on reg tv. My husband makes breakfast every weekend and we cook dinner together on sat/sun. We all love it when my hubby is home. The whole house is lit up with happiness.

Life is good.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

southern wife said:


> Let's hear it!


On a day-to-day basis the behaviors I envision look pretty much like what A Bit Much posted. Communication and contact, affectionate touching (hug/kiss), working as a cooperative team on everything from meals to parenting to projects around the house. Being genuinely enthusiastic about doing things with the other person because it is with the other person, not because it is a thing which needs another set of hands to complete.

That sounded a bit smothering and joined at the hip. There is plenty of room of individual pursuits and time alone.

From a more general view I would like to have:

1) We talk about anything openly and honestly.
2) No secrets and no lies.
3) Spontaneous and genuine expressions of affection at least one time most days.
4) Playfulness.
5) Feeling safe to express feelings and opinions.
6) The principle of Joint Agreement applies in significant areas (money, parenting, house, etc), i.e. equal partners in the important stuff.
7) Marriage relationship is #1 priority outside of own basic needs.
8) Freedom for own interests and activities.

Right now I would have to say we only have #8 going for us.

My wife offered the model of after work we both work on dinner together, then we go off and do our own things. Especially important to her would be me doing home improvement projects (the house does need some refreshing) and housework. This was her parents' marriage. Sterile and isolated.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Thor said:


> On a day-to-day basis the behaviors I envision look pretty much like what A Bit Much posted. Communication and contact, affectionate touching (hug/kiss), working as a cooperative team on everything from meals to parenting to projects around the house. Being genuinely enthusiastic about doing things with the other person because it is with the other person, not because it is a thing which needs another set of hands to complete.
> 
> That sounded a bit smothering and joined at the hip. There is plenty of room of individual pursuits and time alone.
> 
> ...



This is a shame. It's a shame mostly because it looks as if you take one another for granted. That what you have with one another will always be there, when in fact it's very fragile and can end at any point in time.

Cherishing one another is missing in your relationship Thor. The checklist you have isn't unreasonable IMO, but I wonder what her checklist would look like if she wrote it out? What does she really want with/from you?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> This is a shame. It's a shame mostly because it looks as if you take one another for granted. That what you have with one another will always be there, when in fact it's very fragile and can end at any point in time.
> 
> Cherishing one another is missing in your relationship Thor. The checklist you have isn't unreasonable IMO, but I wonder what her checklist would look like if she wrote it out? What does she really want with/from you?


I've stepped up and acknowledged a lot of things I've done wrong in the marriage, and I am 50% responsible for where we're at. So I always try to not sound like I am blaming her for everything. There is probably some truth that I have taken her for granted at times.

"Cherish" is one of the words in our wedding vows. My unhealthy approach was more putting her on a pedestal than cherishing, but I think I got pretty close most of the time nevertheless.

Her list? That is worth exploring with her if she'll talk tonight. Twice she has offered that she thinks I am unrealistic. Most marriages according to her are pretty much like her parents', possibly with a fair amount of friction added in.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> Twice she has offered that she thinks I am unrealistic. Most marriages according to her are pretty much like her parents', possibly with a fair amount of friction added in.


If that's true then I wonder why did she want to marry in the first place? If her view of it is as her parent's marriage was (what you described) then why do it? 

There's room for improvement if any of that is true. Why can't your marriage be a BETTER version of what she grew up with? It's not unrealistic at all IMO. I live it and I love how my marriage is turning out. My own parents marriage was volitile 80% of the time. It wasn't what wanted for myself, or what I wanted to show my children. I want them to see that two completely seperate, independant thinking people can get along, even during stressful times. I wanted them to see that even with problems, there can be fun and tender moments between us. That when we disagree it doesn't have to be WWIII, we can disagree and not throw what we have away. Being happy is more important to us than being right.

Why can't your marriage be an upgrade too?


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

My Husband once tried to compair us to several couples in our family the "perfect" looking ones. How one goes to church together, how the other never seems to fight. He wanted to be like them or at least what he saw in them that he wanted to have for us.

I actually exploded. Yelled at him. "OUR marriage is OURS and I do not want a cut out of their lives because we are not exactly like them." We did not talk for days because I could not say anything with out getting upset beccause for me he saw a few idealistic things in these wemon that he wanted me to be. 

I wanted our realtionship to be ours built the way we wanted not trying to be like other people. Eventually we were able to talk (me calmly) and I got it across to him that these other realtionships are build by thoes in it they are being them and we need to be us so he dropped the wanting the greener grass and we are getting there.

Our lives are alot like thoes above but we are still "fixing" things so it is not ideal and full yet. It will take time. You two need to define your marriage and relationship by your standards. Sorry just went off there. Best Wishes to you two.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

We've been really close lately.

I get up at about 4:00 for writing and then occasional international calls with peers, and time on the rower. Grind fresh coffee for her and cut up some fruit for her breakfast, then wake her up as I leave for work. (she doesn't do mornings)

My wife usually works later, but is a crock pot master and manages to stop by the house to get dinner going. We finish dinner together and dishes. I decompress for about 30 minutes, then we always sit together or play games for a while.

I work out. Then, we read side by side or watch a TV program. She is a bit obsessive about foot massages and is such a schemer that she invariably tricks me into a massage most nights. 

We always go to bed together (guess why?), but I usually get up for a couple of hours after she drifts off to sleep. I usually can't sleep for more than four and a half hours.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Thor:

This sounds like a love language mis-match. You are touch and words of affirmation, and your wife is acts of service. Have you two discussed ways to make each other feel loved in the language that you appreciate?

I can't remember from your previous posts, but did your wife have an affair? Have your doubts about this been resolved? If this is the elephant in the room, your wife must be remorseful and transparent before your marriage can be completely healed.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Thor said:


> On a day-to-day basis the behaviors I envision look pretty much like what A Bit Much posted. Communication and contact, affectionate touching (hug/kiss), working as a cooperative team on everything from meals to parenting to projects around the house. Being genuinely enthusiastic about doing things with the other person because it is with the other person, not because it is a thing which needs another set of hands to complete.
> 
> That sounded a bit smothering and joined at the hip. There is plenty of room of individual pursuits and time alone.
> 
> ...


I like your list. These are the things that my husband and I are striving for, and despite the hiccups along the way, I believe that we are doing very well. He has no outside interests/activities beyond his blessed career, so I get a lot of couch-potatoism, but aside from that, things are looking up for us. Many of our parents' marriages were sterile; or of they didn't start off that way, they are now. I strive not to get too sterile. Comfortable, yes...but not sterile.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> I like your list.


As so do I. This is basically what we do on a day to day basis.

4. We use this as our flirting.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

our most usual day is....

morning grumpiness

food and a movie or a show on demand

laughing, smart remarks, jabs poking, 

have a massive conversations with one word or two.

out of the blue respond to a day, or a week old conversations or statements.

yelling, bickering, barking, silent times, snapping

our days are full of eating and drinking [red bull, pop, teas, coffee, hot or iced, juice, full throttle]

playing video games. shopping, cooking, cleaning. talking, watching movies, comic book/manga browsing/shopping, watching anime.

he watches me put on make-up..[once i read that guys are intregued by the things women do to their faces.., not sure if its true]

he wont let me leave the house looking crazy.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> Thor:
> 
> This sounds like a love language mis-match. You are touch and words of affirmation, and your wife is acts of service. Have you two discussed ways to make each other feel loved in the language that you appreciate?


Interesting observation. I've read the book and consider my top 2 to be touch and quality time. Maybe words of affirmation is higher than I realized? My wife seems to be acts of service as you diagnose.

Until she said yesterday specifically that me doing home improvement projects would make for a good marriage she had not been able to answer my questions of what she wanted me to do more or less of (or differently). I've experimented and never really felt I got a good response with anything.

I think the home improvement projects is a very hot button for the two of us in opposite directions. There is some negative history there for me.




lovesherman said:


> I can't remember from your previous posts, but did your wife have an affair? Have your doubts about this been resolved? If this is the elephant in the room, your wife must be remorseful and transparent before your marriage can be completely healed.


Short answer: idk, she denies it vigorously. There has been a severe breach of trust in my view, related to her failure to disclose some traumatic childhood events. She still refuses to discuss anything about how it may be affecting her now or possibly affecting our marriage now or during the past 29 years. Also trickling out are allusions to her sexual history being substantially different than she stated when we had our pre-wedding discussions. The content is only somewhat important, it is the pattern of less than open honesty for all those years and which continues now. The elephant in the room is my inability to trust or to feel safe emotionally. 

For the record she most strongly asserts I have no right now or then to any of that information. I have tried recently to discuss the topic of trust but I cannot even get one sentence in before she gets very hotly defensive about everything.

There is a sea of red flags of an affair, yet she made a convincing denial the one time I asked (NOT accused) her 6 months ago. 
She is believable but if I wrote all the red flags the majority consensus would be she almost certainly was in an affair. I've seen no behavior since last July, so I think if there was an affair it was over by then.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> If that's true then I wonder why did she want to marry in the first place? If her view of it is as her parent's marriage was (what you described) then why do it?
> 
> There's room for improvement if any of that is true. Why can't your marriage be a BETTER version of what she grew up with?


I think she married me because I was a safe Nice Guy with good earning potential. And that is what I have been, but too much so. Too safe, too Nice, and a solid comfortable upper middle class lifestyle from day 1.

Her dad was a calm professor type who spent most evenings and weekends building, fixing, and improving the house. I think she saw me as the same calm nerdy type, and she saw her dad as a good model.

Her trauma history in my opinion is responsible for her putting up big walls around herself, so she prefers a sterile relationship. That's not what we had before marriage, but it is her model from her parents and her fear driven safe zone for herself.

It could be better if she'd see a vision of something better and want it enough to face her fears and try. Some of the posts here will help me communicate to her what a better vision looks like. Thanks.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Thor said:


> I think she saw me as the same calm nerdy type, and she saw her dad as a good model.


Calm, nerdy, eh? I think that pilots are the sexiest guys on the planet. Have you two ever gotten it on while you are wearing only your uniform shirt? Now that is flying the friendly skies! :smthumbup:


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> Calm, nerdy, eh? I think that pilots are the sexiest guys on the planet. Have you two ever gotten it on while you are wearing only your uniform shirt? Now that is flying the friendly skies! :smthumbup:


That would be outside her comfort zone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Faith
Prayer
Repentance
Forgiveness
Respect
Love
Compassion
Work
Wholesome Recreational Activities


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## HaHa (Oct 1, 2010)

What does a good marriage look like in terms of day-to-day?

For me, it looks like two people who are doing their best. Its going to be different for everyone. For me, being in love and married means that one of my goals each day is to look at my husband and think what can I do to make his life a little better or brighter today? Whether its cooking a meal he really likes, doing laundry, sweeping, leaving a little note for him, something sexual, etc., I try to do one thing a day that I know fills his “love bank” up. It can be verbal or physical and doesn’t have to be some big thing. Just something simple I know he likes or will appreciate. It may take 5 minutes or five hours. I don’t look at it as quid pro quo though. For me, being in love and being in a good marriage is not about,”I did this for you. Now what are you going to do for me?” Thankfully, I am married to a man who feels the same as I do. 

As for specific examples, we have Netflix and we find a TV show and watch one episode a night on the couch together after kiddo is in bed. Even if we are dead tired, just having that quiet time together helps make us strong I think. To me, it says I would love to just crash right now, but our relationship is more important to me than an extra half hour of sleep. Its cooking together so we chat about our day. Its making time for a date once a week even if we just go to the bookstore and have coffee.

I think it’s just the little things that add up that make a good marriage for me. It’s the watching TV, hugs in the kitchen, short calls and texts throughout the day to see how it’s going, etc. that make us feel loving and connected towards each other. Sex is another huge one for us. It makes us closer and more loving as a couple out of the bedroom I think.

That said, it’s not always easy to have the “what can I do to make his life better” mentality. Like anything there are days it takes conscious effort for whatever reason and it takes practice. Maybe I am cranky, irritable, or tired or maybe he is. Those are the days I think or most important to make sure I try. When I started out this mentality, I had a reminder on my phone set that said, “What will make **** happy today?”. It helped to have a tangible reminder every day.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Thor said:


> On a day-to-day basis the behaviors I envision look pretty much like what A Bit Much posted. Communication and contact, affectionate touching (hug/kiss), working as a cooperative team on everything from meals to parenting to projects around the house. Being genuinely enthusiastic about doing things with the other person because it is with the other person, not because it is a thing which needs another set of hands to complete.
> 
> That sounded a bit smothering and joined at the hip. There is plenty of room of individual pursuits and time alone.
> 
> ...


Me & my husband have all of this.... we are both Hopeless Romantics at heart (did a thread on that).... we love being joined at the hip.... it really IS a beautiful thing. I would be very sad if my husband didn't want these things....

I have done threads on the *laughter *we have in our house, how our *love languages *are in sinc, the 'willing" *Transparency *because we genuinelly love to share with each other (nothing is forced), the openness & honesty , always ....never a threat , how my sex drive has awakened, about *vulnerabilty *with each other.. 

I would say what is at the bottom of our list would be #8...and that is only because we love to be together SO darn much, that we have little interest in getting off alone without the other. Last night I purposely went out with my neighbor to a "parents night out" thing, just cause I SHOULD -good for me to get out , but honestly, I hate to give up a night with my husband. 

Typical weekday for us... 

*1*. Wake up at 5am, start touching each other, I feel like a little girl in the candy store when I feel he is hard against me, I go down on him, we debate whether to "do it " now, have a little fun but control ourselves or save it for tonight. Alarm goes off at 6:00, but we ALWAYS have a little erotic cuddle time. 

*2. *I get up to make his breakfast & pack his lunch, kids are up, we all talk about whatever, he kisses me- feels my butt, tells me to be careful if I am going out. 

*3. *He comes home, He finds me, puts his arms around me, pulls my hair to the side, kisses my neck, or my lips, I am on TAM half the time or cooking, I LOVE when he comes over to me & shows naughty affection, he generally sits down at his laptop. I always ask about his day, he is happy I am interested. He asks me about mine. 

....For instance today... I went over & straddled myself on top of him -like I was riding him (no kids in the room) , arms wraped around his neck , touching his face, his hair, unbuttoned his shirt , telling him how I can't wait for tonight- oh baby -I miss him, can't wait to feel his body (I can go on & on but I will spare you) !  (we waited this morning)...I am very feisty .

*4*. We'll each have our computer time in the dining room, feet away from each other, we'll talk back & forth, kids in & out, lots of communation going on (we have 5 kids at home)...if anything is said that can be taken "dirty"...we run with that, we'll look at each other knowing what is on the others mind and/or say a joke, like if the baby asks for a hot dog. We act a bit Teenagerish...but we're never too old...right ! 

Our kids openly see us flirt all the time.... not too long ago..... he says to me... about heating something in the microwave...."you heat them too much those buns will be like rubber”.. I said “so long as your buns ain’t like rubber”…. He said back ....“yours are bouncy bouncy bouncy”… ... my daughter said slowly .....“ I don’t know what that means , I don’t want to know”. :rofl:
(typical night around our house).


*5*. Running kids to gymnastic, youth groups, -we go shopping together to kill time. Or if he has a project, he will stay behind to get that done when I am busy running ... we manage our time very well so we can spend at much of it together as we can. 

*6. *My kids get themselves ready to bed for the most part, I don't care how long they stay up, they all have good grades and NEVER give us trouble getting up -so their night is thier own...and so is ours.... We go upstairs approx 8 pm -shut & lock the door behind us, we take a bath together , sometimes bubbles & candles, we talk in the tub, many times about stuff I read on here, deep stuff, everything, anything about our day, plans for the future, memories, kids, their love life, things to buy , feelings...

*7*. After this ...we watch a movie together - who needs clothes, my head is on his stomach, while my hands are busy , during comercials I go down on him, we rarely make it through a movie..... or we just talk in bed, read something together, we might do a massage if we are not having sex that night, but the Consensus IS... *love making *...we both want it and enjoy arousing it . It is always enthusiastic, wanted, we thrive on the *emotional connection*.... and after those glorious orgasms , he tells me ..."you took all my test" and well...he is ready to fall asleep!

( On his days off, I may cook breakfast in lingerie -while kids are in school & we might have sex in another part of the house, in the summer, outside). 

That is a typical day & night for us !


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

I consider ours a good marriage. On a day to day basis everyday is a different day like misty's dad said. We both work and have young kids at home so some days we come home to extremely cranky kids and have to brace ourselves for tantrums, on other days we are tired out by hyper kids. There are days when we all come home and sit on that couch and sip coffee and share about the days good/bad events before kissing the kids good night like our family is the perfect. 
Usually it goes like - come home, fresh up, talk to and play with kids for an hour, kiss them good night, go about doing our own stuff , shower, eat supper or dinner together, chat for a few minutes (depends on time) and sleep. 
Weekends are totally different we usually go to the beach and spend the whole morning lazing around, we all love it


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My particular Post sounded very "sexual" in nature...just wanted to clarify...this is because it was the ONE THING we didn't get right in the 1st 19 yrs of our marriage, so now in Mid Life, we are making up for lost time. Want it to last as long as we can. For the 1st 19 yrs.... we put the kids before even ourselves, we rarely even got off alone...

So now it is like......that old song by Tommy James.... "I think we're alone now" -about trying to get away from the parents... but in our case, we are trying to run away from the kids, we got it all backwards.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

We look for ways to spend time together.
We laugh, we talk, we kiss and cuddle.
We cook together often.
We work on our property or we go fishing/kayaking together.

We're apart most of the weekdays so we seek together time whenever we can.. I get quite excited about the weekends knowing he'll be all mine for the next few days.
Silly after so long together but friday afternoons I meet him at the front steps (like the family dog) thrilled to see him , tail wagging...ready to hump his leg


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

There is nothing special about our marriage, but we don't have problems other people have. 

We don't fight over little things. There is nothing to fight.

We don't have financial stress. Mainly because we are not extravagant spenders. We choose simplicity and peace over luxury and stress. 

We don't have family problems since both of live far away from our countries. I am doing my best to keep in touch with his family, he does his best to take care of my family financially. 

We enjoy spending time together. Except work, we do everything together. 

What make a person feel sweet are usually small things. 

When my husband wants to do something for him, I do it right away. When I want my husband to do something for me, he does it right away.

I always make sure that he has enough money in his wallet since I am in charge of money. He is also pampered by having quite a few hobbies.

We both share house chores. But when he teaches more hours, I do more house chores to make his life more relaxing and comfortable. 

Both of us love to have sex and our sex life is really fulfilling. 

There are no secrets between us. Everything is open, finance, friendship, work, family, etc. 

The conclusion is you start your day knowing you are lucky to be married to a person who loves you and you love him too; in the evening, you leave work knowing your home is sweet and peaceful, you are eager to go home.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

I know this is about a good marriage and we definantly have our share of problems. But we have a lot of laughs too. When we wake up in the mourning, he covers my mouth and we have a good laugh over my mourning breath. He'll say things like "if you want this marriage to last you'll be quiet right now" "please for the sake of us be quiet"

He jokes that he's always wanted to do "the motor" (i think that's what they call it) where he puts his head between my boobs and makes a motor sound but says "he would probably die from suffocation." 

I tease him on his ears (his ears stick out). They actually look good on him but I tease him about it. 

I like the point of this thread, to show what it's like to be in a happy marriage. But I think if your one of those people who are trying to stick it out and everything isn't as happy a time as you would like then you should keep in mind the things you do enjoy in the marriage. I know my husband would never judge me for anything. He would always love me even if/when i'm wrong. But that doesn't mean he's going to pass up the opportunity to make a joke about it and that's one of the things I love about him.


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## The_Good_Wife (Jan 13, 2012)

ahhh so where do I start from....

on good days: 
We wake up together and coudle in bed for 10 mins while listening to the radio. He gets up and starts making coffee. He takes his shower (I like taking mine right before bed) while I make breakfast ready (cereal when we are in a rush or eggs with sausage and veggies when not in a rush). I help him pick a matching tie and put his lunch in his bag and he leaves the house with a kiss. I go to my classes and come home arnd 4. I cook dinner. He comes home around 6 we kiss and hug for abt 5 minutes (he usually brings me flowers or chocolates...he makes sure there are always fresh flowers on the kitchen table so as soon as they start dying a little I know he will come home with new flowers). We eat. He does the dishes and we are normally still talking abt how our day was. We watch tv or play wii and go to bed arnd 11. We like to give each other a quick masage before bed. we spoon or coudle all night and wake up the next morning to repeat.

Weekends he cook breakfast and lunch and we go out to eat on sat evenings. Sunday church and lunch out and time at home cleaning the house or watching tv.


On bad days:
The oposite of what happens on the good days...he makes coffee only for himself. Is super grumpy, doesn't even talk to me while eatting and leaves the house early (usually with a mismatched tie).
Comes home and gets mad for whatever reason and we take it from there....


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

No one controls, demeans, puts down, or belittles the other one. The couple generally enjoys seeing each other and doesn't avoid each other. Both people feel comfortable talking to each other without worry that saying something is going to cause a conflict. 

Yeah....my scales are a bit off, but that's how I see it at the moment.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

It's like communication between you should be tied largely unrelated and mostly not related to binding


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Thor you sad your wife thinks you are being unrealistic. Do you care to share what you would like? You are unhappy, what are 3 most important things that you would need to make you happy in your relationship? 

I am surprised your wife wants to model her marriage after her parents. I thought her childhood was dysfunctional.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Catherine, it isn't so easy to come up with a list!

My wife is in a self protective mode, and has been almost her entire life due to sex abuse when she was quite young. So for her the things she wants would revolve around security, stability, non-emotional interactions, etc. Her parents had what I would call a sterile room mate relationship, and that fits quite well with my wife's needs.

I would like to be able to discuss the relationship. I would like some emotional intimacy. I would like a sense of teamwork and common goals. I would like to feel my opinion, goal, suggestion, or idea is valued to the point of getting an equal consideration. I want to be more than a live in home-improvement project handy man. I want some physical touch aside from sex. Spontaneous authentic demonstrations of affection from her would be nice. I would like to feel safe in telling her how I feel about something. I would like to believe she is openly and fully honest with me.

Well the list wasn't so hard once I got going!


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Already Gone said:


> When I don't have to leave the room to fart.
> 
> Is that short enough for you?



lol I'm guilty of asking my hubby to do just that.. but thats normally when I'm pregnant and the kids are in the room with us...(Sometimes he just lets em rip whereever and at those times one of the kids happens to have their head right by his rear end... lol)


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Thor said:


> In a few short sentences or even a short list of words, what does a good marriage look like in terms of day-to-day? When a happy couple comes home from work, what is it like? On a weekend, what is it like?
> 
> It can be abstract like "affectionate", but I would be interested in things like "I usually spend an hour listening to music with her", or "I go work out in the basement while she reads in the den".
> 
> ...


For me, it means that there's a connection throughout the day, even when we're apart. Our day-to-day looks like this: 

He goes to work, and about 3-4 times a week I get a "Good morning" text and/or a phone call - not that there's anything to really talk about, just a connection that says I'm on his mind and he's on mine. 

While he's gone, I am writing articles most of the day. But when he gets home, he finds that his clothes have been cleaned and usually he walks in to the smell of whatever I'm making for dinner. If not, then it's because we're going to dinner with his family most of the time. (I don't have family nearby.)

Twice a week we go out socially together, but the rest of the days we usually stay home. He either wants to relax or has tasks he wants to get done. Whenever it's appropriate, I help him, like when he trims trees and I pick up and load the branches into our truck. On the flip side, he also helps me on things - sometimes because I ask, but sometimes just because he sees it needs to be done - like shampooing our carpets: It's something he doesn't mind doing but I don't like, so he just does it. 

When we don't have household tasks, we usually watch television together. I don't care for television much and wouldn't own one on my own (at least, I haven't when I'm single) but that's our "together" time. When the news comes on at 10, I come back to my computer while he watches it. He usually falls asleep there. When I'm ready for bed, I go make him a glass of water and wake him up. He showers while I catch up on games on my phone, then we go to sleep. 

Throughout all of this, we seem to have many reasons to say "thank you," "I appreciate that," and "I love you." When we have disagreements, which are pretty rare, I usually walk away to put my thoughts together before trying to talk. When I'm ready to discuss whatever happened, I have narrowed my thoughts down to two or three sentences to express what I want to see or to give an apology. If he asks questions, I feel like he listens. When he has opinions, I do my best to see his point of view. Sometimes we agree to disagree, and both of us are ok with that... at least, so far.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'm just going to give a glimpse on our routines. 

Weekday: his alarm goes off, he'll roll over and snuggle with me. Sometimes morning fun, sometimes still half-asleep enjoying the peacefulness or just being loving. We usually hear the dogs begin to stir. Then my alarm will go off. On a good "timing" day, I'll get ready to walk the dogs with him and we take a brisk walk and chat. Other times, it makes more sense for him to walk the dogs solo while I iron his shirt, make us tea (and breakfast ideally). We get ready for the day. 

During the day, we'll text each other either messages of love, admiration, flirtation, or simply checking in to see how the other is doing. He often texts me first but I'll notice if I haven't heard from him by around 1pm and will text him instead. Sometimes we call each other during the day just to catch up. Depends on whats happening in our day. No rules about it, just a pattern we have fallen into. 

When we're both home from work, there's always kiss hello and hugs upon seeing each other. The dogs will need to go out again as we don't have a yard. If either of us have stuff on our mind we need to talk about, we agree on walking (so we can talk - I'm not fit enough to talk and jog at the same time). If conversation can wait, we jog the dogs on the track. When back home again, dinner to be made. I cook Mondays - Wed, he does Thurs - Sat. Anything goes Sunday. When I cook I like to be solo with music, so he'll catch up on reading or play with the dogs or line up a movie. When he cooks, I take my guitar stool into the kitchen and we chat while he cooks, as he likes company when he cooks. We either eat at the table and I'll light candles and we chat or flirt, or we eat on the couch while watching our show. 

We find a show we both want to watch. We really only watch 30mins tv of an evening... Unless its been a day where we want to veg with a movie or get really into a series and do a marathon viewing, but that's not very often. Sometimes I play guitar, he reads, mostly we just hang out together though. We chat a lot and amuse ourselves with silliness. 

Weekends: dogs in the mornings. Sometimes he let's me sleep in. I owe him one or two! Breakfast together, then we hit the farmers markets. We might get some street food for lunch. I get flowers most weeks and arrange them in the house, do some cleaning, while he runs errands at the supermarket or hardware store (they sometimes sell hotdogs at the hardware store, he ain't fooling me lol, I think that's cute though). More dog walking and talking and whatever it is happening on that weekend. Sunday morning I like to cook breakfast - so does he - so it depends who gets up first and feeling most inclined. If its a lazy Sunday watching movies, we get popcorn and snacks. We have two couches but often end up laying side by side on just one while watching movie. This also leads to flirting. We also like heading out to different areas with the dogs - beach, country just outside the city, stimulates us as well as the dogs with seeing new things. I pack us snacks because I'm a tight ass. 

Anyway, that's fairly typical for us. We like it 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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