# Should I give an explination to his family?



## itzachicken (Oct 17, 2012)

Since I asked him to leave I have filed for custody I'm still struggling with having him served. His family has entered the conflict and it has created a high tension dynamic between the two families. I've wondered if me explaining why I feel the way I do would make it better so I wrote them a letter:

I'm not sure if any of you will ever understand why I feel the way I do. I do not have a desire to cut any of you from the girls lives, you all play a valuable role in your own way to their lives. I have made the choice not to accept the marijuana/party culture of my generation. I'm a firm believer when you grow and or smoke daily you might have a problem. Its like alcohol there is a time and a place in moderation, however the fact that you all grow is something I do not wish for the girls to be around. That is the only reason I'm asking the courts not to allow them at your residences. 
As for leaving your son/brother the habitual marijuana usage is a huge factor. It is also what I blame for hindering our communication so badly. Its not fun to try and communicate with someone who is constantly high. You are also aware of how verbally and emotionally abusive he is towards me but recently even the girls have become a target behind closed doors. I'm finally standing up for what I want and he is unwilling to even compromise towards my goals. I love him very deeply; he is the father of my children and my first real love. I wish we had grown together over the years instead of apart, I always believed he would outgrow being a stoner and one day reach some sort of reasonable usage. I can no longer live with the dysfunction or lack of consistency in our lives. 
He has made statements I'm taking the girls from him and I know you all are under the impression I'm using the kids to hurt him. I have no ill will towards him, I also wish for him to participate in the girls lives. I'm asking him to do this without being under the influence constantly. He can still take them in the afternoons and on his days off. I'm simply staying no overnight visits until he can pass a drug screen. This is the only way I can be assured he is not getting high and or drunk when he is responsible for the girls. He has never participated in nighttime care on any regular basis. He has made the choices to go outside and get stoned and drunk instead of helping out. The girls are the number one priority.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Without knowing the family dynamics there's no way to know how they would respond to this kind of statement. Do they know about his drug use? Do they participate?


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## itzachicken (Oct 17, 2012)

Not only do they know about his drug use...they encourage it by allowing him to come trim in exchange for pot. I've been told I'm wrong and my thinking is flawed. They do not understand how I've reached the conclusion that I need to protect my children from their gardens/and son. It's beyond frustrating dealing with these people, but they are family and I have no problems letting my kids be in their lives if they follow a few simple rules.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

I would say your letter would not do anything to help the situation. They know about his habits, they appear to support his lifestyle and they dont understand why you dont support it. Your letter will not sway there opinion since they are perfectly comfortable with the way they and there son lives.


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## itzachicken (Oct 17, 2012)

I know I cannot sway them but seriously wish to be civil to each other for the sake of the children...that makes it hard when they accuse me of using his kids against him. I simply do not want the kids exposed to the drug and party lifestyle; they all have a big problem with me over the fact that I'm saying no overnights till he can pass a drug screen. That is the only way I can be assured they are the priority.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

itzachicken said:


> Not only do they know about his drug use...they encourage it by allowing him to come trim in exchange for pot. I've been told I'm wrong and my thinking is flawed. They do not understand how I've reached the conclusion that I need to protect my children from their gardens/and son. It's beyond frustrating dealing with these people, but they are family and I have no problems letting my kids be in their lives if they follow a few simple rules.


*You need out of that situation fast, lady! More especially for your kids peace of mind and well-being. If what you say is inherently true, then to heck with his family. Saving yourself is far more important!

In talking with them, I'd greatly feel that you'd only be wasting your breath! Get yourself to a lawyer pronto!*


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## Poopah64 (Oct 29, 2013)

His family are enablers and deserve no explanation! I am dealing with similar situation but with alcohol. My in-laws are enablers and are encouraging more distance between my husband, me and our daughter!! I'm not one for giving advice, I need it, but I don't feel you owe them anything and the letter won't help..


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