# she clearly doesnt love me



## wasted_life (Dec 3, 2013)

We have been married for nine years and blessed with three wonderful children aged nine, five and three. We dated for almost three years before we got married. When I met her, she was barely eighteen and I was twenty-one years old.

About three years into our marriage, I found out she was having an affair with an ex. You can imagine what I went through, she was the only woman I was ever intimate with and this discovery of the affair broke my heart. I decided it was best we ended the marriage and sent her back to her parents. Her parents begged and I accepted to take her back with all the remorse and assurances that this incident will never occur again, her mother even stated that if it happened again, she would personally come for her stuff.

We tried to work on our marriage and everything was fine. We had a son the following year and another son two years later in 2010. Fast forward to February 2013, I suspected she was having an affair again. I asked her about it and she denied it until I got hold of her phone and chat records and she couldnt deny anymore. Turns out she's been seeing her ex for about a year and another guy on the side. I was more than convinced that she clearly wasnt in love with me. She was telling all her friends how much she loves the ex and willing to get back to him.

Her aunty and a pastor came to beg of me, not to call it quits but to give her the last chance to make things right, if for nothing at all for the sake of the kids who are still very young. I clearly stated that based on the evidence I have, she clearly doesnt love me and I couldnt trust her again. The pastor was going to take her through counselling and she would reform. She took up bible classes at church and we worked together to get her to commit more to the marriage. I lost my mom a couple of months later and it was such a difficult period for me.

October 2013, I began having suspicions again that she was on to something, I got some information from her phone which points to her spending a lot of time with some guy so I asked her about it and naturally she denied it even with the evidence I presented. So I called her aunty who had pled on her behalf in February to tell her about it, and I asked her(my wife) what she really wants, me and the kids or this guy(who apparently is also married and has two kids). And she said we(myself and the kids) always come first in all her dealings. A week after this confrontation and I found out she had actually gone ahead and consummated the affair... and not only that... there was another affair at the same time with her friends husband(her own confession)...I was shattered. Clearly she doesnt want to stay married, so this time I am more than convinced we have to end it. Once again she is sorry and all that...but I am not having it. I am gonna take the kids and hopefully I can give them a better life.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

call her mother and tell her the keep the promise she made after the 1 affair. Just say: pick up your daughter cause I'm done!


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

I agree with Jack C.
However, with immeadiate effect get legal advice. Not from fiends or the Church but a qualified professional. Also set up a heath scan for yourelf because if shes been playing with more than you, you may have come in to contact with an STi which although not showing now may hit you later. Plus I suspect once youve set up everything in place legally and financially get a good D lawyer and get out. Youve turned the other cheek more than once so its time to move on. I suspect may here will tell you to let your Ws lovers partners know whats going on, especially the "friend" as to have a friend like, her Id rather have my worst enemy.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Just goes to show that pastors and parents are never around to stop cheaters from getting naked.

No way you can ever trust her.

You will find a new woman and get to experience sex with someone else.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

DNA test the kids. Divorce this disgusting, toxic, lying woman. 

Be decisive here. Your financial, emotional and physical welfare is at stake. 

Get tested for STD's too. She's a serial cheater and quite possibly a pathological liar. 

Monday Morning Quarterbacking a bit here. But you should have divorced after the first affair. 

Never blindly just reconcile with a cheating woman. Give them real life consequences. At the very least, this should be dissolving the marriage. 

And it's just the tip of the iceberg here. I don't even think you need to investigate anymore here. Just Divorce her. And go no contact, unless it absolutely necessary. 

Prepare. I fear that you are just beginning to be in the sh!t. 

I am so, so sorry you are here. Stay on TAM and vent. It will help. Even just for a brief moment or two. 

So sorry.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

How could you bring children into this marriage? You need therapy to deal with self esteem issues. Or this will happen again with your next lady. Cheaters can smell weakness a mile away.

Good luck.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

illwill said:


> How could you bring children into this marriage? You need therapy to deal with self esteem issues. Or this will happen again with your next lady. Cheaters can smell weakness a mile away.
> 
> Good luck.


To a cheater, kindness is even considered a weakness.


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## Anuvia (Jul 10, 2013)

wasted_life said:


> We have been married for nine years and blessed with three wonderful children aged nine, five and three. We dated for almost three years before we got married. When I met her, she was barely eighteen and I was twenty-one years old.
> 
> About three years into our marriage, I found out she was having an affair with an ex. You can imagine what I went through, she was the only woman I was ever intimate with and this discovery of the affair broke my heart. I decided it was best we ended the marriage and sent her back to her parents. Her parents begged and I accepted to take her back with all the remorse and assurances that this incident will never occur again, her mother even stated that if it happened again, she would personally come for her stuff.
> 
> ...


Get those holy rollers (pastor, religious folks, etc) out of your relationship. They are just as toxic to relationships as a screwed up friend. Your wife is obviously a w**** and her band of holy rollers and family are playing you for a sucker.


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## MyTurn (Oct 27, 2013)

Man,
I just read you wifes thread and got MAD.
Move on and do not look back.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

I know this is a difficult time for you and your family. Repeated affairs with multiple me really have nothing to do with you or even them. This is all about her and her selfish desires. If she had any of these other men, she would not be happy with them either. I would recommend that you convince her to attend counseling for her own good and her relationship to her children. 

You mentioned her mother, but what was the relationship between her and her father? Additionally, separation over the holidays is going to be tough, so you will need to plan lots of things for you and the children to do together. Also you need to consult with an attorney, you don't have to file immediately, but you do need to know your legal rights. You didn't mention finances, but you need to separate finances as well.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Wow.... Yeah. 

Troll much. There's a thread int the divorce section, from OP's "Wife".... lulz. 

can you say too soon. 

We done got trolled. Troll is obvious.


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

TheFlood117 said:


> Wow.... Yeah.
> 
> Troll much. There's a thread int the divorce section, from OP's "Wife".... lulz.
> 
> ...



Yep. I'm getting that feeling as well.... both posts happen on the same day from each spouse?

Right...


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Some one link me to the wife's thread


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## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/147050-i-deserve-divorce.html


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

You know what's almost worse than marital infidelity?

People coming here and pretending to go through it, just for the fun of it.

Don't you have a video game to go play?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I have been in ministry since 1985 either full-time or part-time. I served as a pastor, chaplain, church consultant and associate pastor. I have done quite a bit of counseling over the years.

Here is my take:

1. The pastor should have walked you through the Scriptures a little. Matthew 19:8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The pastor should have explained that you have every right to divorce your wife for what she has done. The pastor should not have pleaded with you to stay with your wife. The pastor should have stated that he will pray for God's wisdom during this difficult time. He should have also stated that under the circumstances that if you divorce he would support your decision. Since this was not the first time your wife did this and that now the evidence shows that there is more men, your only option would be to file for divorce.

2. Additionally, since your wife went through the church, had "Bible studies" etc, you have done more then enough. She cheated even worse having done this. Her actions of being in the church, having counseling, going to Bible studies, etc makes this even worse. To have affairs after you gave her more than enough chances, and after she has gone to church for help, is a double whammy. 

3. Ephesians 5 says this: 

1Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.a6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them.

8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord.* 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.* 14This is why it is said:


“Wake up, sleeper,

rise from the dead,

and Christ will shine on you.”

15Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.


*EXPOSE THIS* Don't tell anyone. But expose the other men to their families.


Also, don't tell your wife or anyone else and file for divorce.

Tell her family and this pastor to go pound sand. That their counsel, their interventions were worthless and has caused more harm then good. That after their involvement your wife cheated and that her actions are even worse then before, because she was in the church getting help and she went out and got involved with other men and had sex.

I would tell them that you do not want them involved at all in your life nor your children's life. That as far as your soon to be ex wife is concerned, they can deal with her lying cheating ways. I would ask the pastor, if you are a Bible man, then you expect him to follow Paul's letter in Ephesians and expose this as well.

OP, you have been played by the church, like I was in 1999 and then again earlier this year. when those pastors that were in my life at those times were asked by me for help, they both turned on me after meeting with my lying cheating wife. They believed her stories. In your case they know the truth and the advice they gave you is just plain wrong. In my case those pastors were warned by others that my wife would lie and they choose to ignore it.

Like anything else in life there are good churches and bad ones. I finally found a good one. But I will be the first to tell that the sting of all this hurts deeply.

I read your wife's posts. I really don't see any hope for her. 

Hebrews 13:4 says this: Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.


Let your wife go, God will deal with her and it will not be a good thing.

I am reconciling with my wife after years of her cheating on me, and as of July 6 2013 she has been really sick and it has gotten worse. I will never assume to know the will of God, but it does seem to me that she is suffering from what she has done. 


The bottom line for me in advice to you, divorce your wife.


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## wasted_life (Dec 3, 2013)

Sorry INland but i am not pretending, why would i even do a thing like that, yes i am aware she posted also(and i have read her post too), because she had been to the site and thought some people might offer me advice...i honestly thought there were people who cared about other peoples problems.

thanks to all the real people who offerred some advice(VFW,Pault, Jack,illwill and all u other 'real' guys).. i appreciate.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Try not to be so hard on the posters identifying troll. It has happened too frequently here and your story is so bad that it defies logic how anybody can indure your level of abuse.

If your story really is true you'll probably take her back again. And she will cheat again.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

wasted_life said:


> Sorry INland but i am not pretending, why would i even do a thing like that, yes i am aware she posted also(and i have read her post too), because she had been to the site and thought some people might offer me advice...i honestly thought there were people who cared about other peoples problems.
> 
> thanks to all the real people who offerred some advice(VFW,Pault, Jack,illwill and all u other 'real' guys).. i appreciate.



I still call troll. You and your wife have the same grammatical and sentence structure errors (like lower-case I, run-on sentences, no spaces between paragraphs, use of ellipsis to break up thoughts, both of you refer to her aunt as "aunty", broad over-generalizations etc.) Your second post is written exactly like your "wife's" first.

Mods ban me if you wish. Enough of these people already. 

If you are not pretending, then you need more intensive therapy than she does. You are a doormat. And you are being bullied by this army of people who keeps trying to shove her onto you.

You know why her family wants you to keep accepting her back? Because they KNOW no self-respecting man will EVER touch her again. So they realize it's either you, or else she becomes a burden on them that none of them want.

It is their DISrespect of you that makes them come shove her back at you. They think you're stupid enough to take her back, over and over. So far they've been right.

Hepatitis B AND another man's child? From Day One?

I'm sorry. This story is so profoundly bad it defies belief.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Its not that she does not love you, she may very well love you but that she is a self center, self-absorbed, person who ONLY thinks of her needs and wants above all else, you, the children, and even her ex believe it or not.....religion aside, your wife has displayed sick need for attention above everything else or anyone else....you should have D her when you had the chance but you took her back....you were the nice guy and she treaded on that niceness over and over since then.....time to get rid of her like yesterday trash because that is what she is, and you need to do this for your children sake and more importantly for your personal self respect. She is worthless and if she is reading even better....shame on her.....


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

wasted_life said:


> Sorry INland but i am not pretending, why would i even do a thing like that, yes i am aware she posted also(and i have read her post too), because she had been to the site and thought some people might offer me advice...i honestly thought there were people who cared about other peoples problems.
> 
> thanks to all the real people who offerred some advice(VFW,Pault, Jack,illwill and all u other 'real' guys).. i appreciate.


Now read his wife's rebuttal:



> to all thinking its a troll...its not. yes we both posted the same day, its gotten to a point where support is not coming from anywhere(not my family, not from friends), he doesnt have any family(his mother passed away in July, his father passed away almost 15 years ago). we were just talking and I suggested TAM where some 'genuine' people offered advice on such issues. if you do not have any advice, then just read post and ignore


Same person writing.

No spaces before parentheses, use of ellipsis (no space after those either), missing apostrophes, using a single ' quote mark instead of ", etc.

Come on people.


And yeah, answer your own question: why WOULD you even do a thing like that?


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

wasted_life said:


> We have been married for nine years and blessed with three wonderful children aged nine, five and three. We dated for almost three years before we got married. When I met her, she was barely eighteen and I was twenty-one years old.





delusional_me said:


> My husband of 9 years wants a divorce and its tearing me apart…but I caused it all and I feel worthless. Here is my story….i have known my husband for 12 years and we’ve been married for 9 years and blessed with 3 wonderful kids aged 9,5 and 3. We met when he was 21 and I was barely 18, ...................


One spells numbers and the other doesn't. How many people spell out numbers on a message board? Both describe their kids as WONDERFUL and they are BLESSED to have them. Both describe the wife as BARELY 18 when they met.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> One spells numbers and the other doesn't. How many people spell out numbers on a message board? Both describe their kids as WONDERFUL and they are BLESSED to have them. Both describe the wife as BARELY 18 when they met.


and both are "aged" 9,5,3


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

InlandTXMM said:


> and both are "aged" 9,5,3


Good catch!


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

LOL, you know, at least the OP got his name right.


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## wasted_life (Dec 3, 2013)

clearly you guys are rather obsessed with troll or whatever it is, please yourselves. figured there will be real advice on here, two people narrating the same story and you don't get why there are similarities ??? it is the import of the story that should matter(atleast if you were real people out there to offer any advice). but i give some people on here credit, i have decided on what to do anyway


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

wasted_life said:


> clearly you guys are rather obsessed with troll or whatever it is, please yourselves. figured there will be real advice on here, two people narrating the same story and you don't get why there are similarities ??? it is the import of the story that should matter(atleast if you were real people out there to offer any advice). but i give some people on here credit, i have decided on what to do anyway


Don't insult the intelligence and the good will of the people here. You and "your wife" are the same person.

There are lots of places to write fan fiction. This isn't one of them.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

you have to undestand that the posting is suspiccius and people does not want to waste ther time investing emetional support and time in something that could be fake instead of helping someone wit real problems, that said I will give a leap of faith with you:

you already know what you have to do, in this world exist people that just can not be loyal, your wife is clearly one of them, I don't think that nobody here will believe that after so many years of infidelity and so many OM, somebody will suggest trying to save your marriage, the true is that there is nothing to save, she was caught, she had consequences and still did it again means that she simple can not help herself in craving attention from the opposite sex, she needs IC and look for a support group to understant and modify her destructive bahaviour. That said your responsability is with you and your kids, file for divorce, get in to IC, she willk not change, you deserve someone who is as commited as you in the relationship, not for one second think that remaining married is the best for the kids, because they learn from parents, do you want them to consider acceptable what your wife has been doing to you in their own relationship?, do you want them to see that consequences are can be avoided?, in the worst escenerario do you want them to grow hating women?.

you don't have to hate her or domonize her, you can even have an amicable relationship with her, what you can't do is remaining married to her. for your kids and your mental health.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Additional evidence: both OP's user names are of the form [first word][underscore][second word] with no capitalization.


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## Nathan77 (Dec 3, 2013)

You must have been a very patient man and loved her a lot! If I were to go through the same drama more than twice, I would just pack my bags and leave! She clearly doesn't deserve you, and you clearly deserve someone who is truly genuine to you. Don't listen to what others promise you (the aunt, pastor or whoever that is). Trust your gut feelings, if you think she is not going to change, move on!


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Your writing style - especially the way you described yourself and your early relationship with your wife - is exactly like that of your wife - the exact same phrases etc. You two do have a lot in common!


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Unbelievability.

Parents doing the remorse stuff, pastor rewarding infidelity, aunty on the defense..


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

InlandTXMM said:


> You are a doormat
> 
> You know why her family wants you to keep accepting her back? Because they KNOW no self-respecting man will EVER touch her again. So they realize it's either you, or else she becomes a burden on them that none of them want.
> 
> ...


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## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Hmmm...is it just me or was there a username change???? When I look at my email it says "delusional_one" but then when I bring it up it says username "wasted_life"????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unheld (Sep 20, 2013)

:redcard:


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