# preparing for the worst



## inojoking (Aug 22, 2012)

Hello everyone this is my first post to the forum. Im sorry to have to post this but im trying to get a heads up on my immature wife before everything hits the fan probably in the next month or so. Anyway long story my wife has always suffered from depression and kinda never really got the help she needed from being abused as a child and neglected. She apparently was looking for me to fix these issues when she married me after we had a child but all in all i was unable to help since im not a professional in that field and deal with PTSD from war, which has really flared up since our recent marital problems forcing me to get help myself. Well i wont say that im a terrible husband but im not the best either. I never really listened much to her problems i guess and made rookie mistakes along the way such as not helping out as much as she though with the wedding and not being there enough in her eyes during a miscarriage. I also kinda got to involved in computers and neglected her from time to time and said some things (calmly) during an argument about her stepping up to be the woman i thought she should be when our child was born that she took exception to. I never cheated or beat her but we just disagree on everything. We started counseling this week but she has already said she will not forgive me or that it will take an extremely long time and that she needs to separate in order to get her mind together (which i have reason to believe means date other men). Now here where things get tricky. Im trying to work things out by being extra nice and help her out more financially and emotionally but i also have to protect myself from being used. I have decided if with all the things i do between now and the 3rd counseling session fail then im going to tell her during this meeting that I plan to seek a divorce and no further counseling will be needed(Is this a bad idea?). After that the custody question will have to be answered. I work a full time job making around 40k a year and she works 2 part time making about 16k a year (no accounts are shared). She leaves at 4 in the morning and gets home at about 7pm and as a result i have always been the one who gets my son up and takes him to school and picks him up during the week since he was born. We also live in a house that i purchased before we were married, but i did refinance recently (without her being on the loan) but she signed standard paper work that a spouse must sign. Her car that she has is also solely in my name although she makes the payments. So my question and i hope this is the right place is do i have a right to claim full or primary custody forcing her to let me keep my son and not allowing her to receive child support? She has started looking for other jobs so im sure she is trying to get things in order to leave at this point too. Also if all else fails i have a marijuana ace in the hole card to play. Problem is i did at a time smoke with her but i havent in a while and will definitely pass a drug test because it was like was like one joint a couple of nights. She on the other will not let up even with me asking her to do so and smokes regularly. So i know this sounds childish and immature but i have to prepare for the worst with this person. I have the resources as my family is well off and she has none as her family is the opposite. Sorry to sound cold blooded but I feel i never did enough to this person to warrant never being forgiven and tortured in the final days. Thanks for any help


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Best for you to bring these questions to a lawyer


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Mothers don't lose custody cases because dad makes more money, nor because the marital assets are in his name. You will have to consult with an attorney to find out your rights and your chances of getting primary custody. No one here can tell you with certainty. Actually, a lawyer can't tell you for certain either based on this information. He can tell you if it's worth a try though. Usually, the first consultation is free.


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

I'm female and the left behind spouse, so I tend to sympathize with the wife, especially if the husband has decided to seek a divorce.

I'm not going to try to talk you out of divorcing your wife. But why do you want primary custody rather than split custody? Is that really the best thing for your child? I understand that your wife is working two jobs and isn't home all that much. But is she doing this so she can contribute financially to your household? all things being equal, would she work less so she could be with your child more? If it really the best thing to drastically reduce the amout of time your child spends with mom?


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## Ankhka (Aug 28, 2012)

Whats are the biggest wedding mistakes you can read here http://www.longlivestartas.com/biggest-wedding-mistakes/ do you have more suggestion for me on what to take care?, that you made? sry if bad english


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