# My gal is obsessed with work



## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

My gal and I have been together for 2 years. Last year at the age of 46 she took a full time job at a senior living home. It's the first time she's had a job in over 20 years. Here's the problem. It's totally consumed her. It's all she talks about. If she has a good day at work than we are ok. If she has s bad day we are not and it sucks to be around her. Many times we will end up in a fight if she has a bad day. I'm trying to be supportive and I listen to her tell me about her day. But it's getting old. It's literally the only thing she talks about. What do I do?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Set her down and have a talk with her. Not unusual. This is obviously important to her but she needs to leave it at work.


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## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

I've tried to talk to her about it. She says it's her work and I have to deal with it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe you two can establish a 1 hour break when she gets home in which she can unwind... she can take a bath, listen to soothing music, etc. And then only after she's had time to get work out of her head do the two of you talk.

If she continues with the attitude she has, you might want to insist on counseling for this topic. A person should be able to discuss some things about work with their spouse/SO. But it sounds like she is going overboard.

How many minutes/hours a day does she spend talking about her work?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

jdesey said:


> I've tried to talk to her about it. She says it's her work and I have to deal with it.


Pretty smimple then. That's her choice and she is telling you how it's going to be. So are you going to deal with this or go and find someone whom you at more compatable with?


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

My x -wife was like this, all she wanted to talk about was her bad day at work. My kids now say that all she talks about is how bad her work is. I asked who she talked to about it; my son said, "The wall if nobody is around close."


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

southbound said:


> My x -wife was like this, all she wanted to talk about was her bad day at work. My kids now say that all she talks about is how bad her work is. I asked who she talked to about it; my son said, "The wall if nobody is around close."


Soon as she comes home give her a glass of her favorite wine or other adult beverage.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

jdesey said:


> It's literally the only thing she talks about. What do I do?


For your benefit, tell her there needs to be a limit on how much work is discussed at the end of the day. Reassure her that you are supportive and want to hear how her day was but that for the benefit of your marriage, and for how much you can listen to, there needs to be an agreed cap on the work stuff and that you also want to enjoy her outside of work. 

As for weathering the bad work days, this is something she will quickly need to learn how to manage, particularly working in human services. As Elegirl mentioned, decompressing routines may be beneficial.

What constitutes a bad day for her - is it experiencing people dying, health concerns of those she is working with, etc? Depending on her role and what is causing her to feel it was a bad day there may be resources or colleagues at work she can decompress with and turn to for support when needed.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Pretty smimple then. That's her choice and she is telling you how it's going to be. So are you going to deal with this or go and find someone whom you at more compatable with?


So, she talks about work too much and your idea of how to "fix" this is divorce?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> So, she talks about work too much and your idea of how to "fix" this is divorce?


Guess you didn't read the op post where he said it consumed her, all she talked about, and affected her mood. So umm yep definitely something to consider.

You would stay in a marriage like this indefinitely ??!


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## CMD1978 (Apr 9, 2016)

Based on his other post they aren't married and she is still inappropriately close to her ex husband. I would be seriously rethinking this relationship at this point.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Guess you didn't read the op post where he said it consumed her, all she talked about, and affected her mood. So umm yep definitely something to consider.
> 
> You would stay in a marriage like this indefinitely ??!


Yes, I read the post. 

And I have been in a relationship/marriage like this for 27 years.

Why? I love my wife.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Yes, I read the post.
> 
> And I have been in a relationship/marriage like this for 27 years.
> 
> Why? I love my wife.


thats great if this doesn't bother you. Some people it does bother. op has told her he didn't like it, she told him that's who she is and I told him then he needs to learn to accept that or move on. How are you having issue with that advice exactly? So he should marry someone whom he is not compatable with 

See I thought the purpose of dating was to find someone ......you're actually compatable with


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> thats great if this doesn't bother you. Some people it does bother. op has told her he didn't like it, she told him that's who she is and I told him then he needs to learn to accept that or move on. How are you having issue with that advice exactly? So he should marry someone whom he is not compatable with
> 
> See I thought the purpose of dating was to find someone ......you're actually compatable with


Compatible with does not mean the same as.

My wife talks about work, sometimes it bores me, sometimes it interests me.

OP, try to be sympathetic. She is probably really made up that she has a job of any kind.

Hopefully she will learn to tone it down after a while.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Compatible with does not mean the same as.
> 
> My wife talks about work, sometimes it bores me, sometimes it interests me.
> 
> ...


Never said same. But compatable does mean you are at least on the same page about things, least the important ones. They certainly aren't about this issue and he needs to decide if this is a deal breaker or not You would say no I would say yes depending on how much of his account is accurate and not exaggerated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She has not worked in 20 years. Of course she is excited about it! 

OP, buy her some nice stuff for work.

Is there a book she needs? Buy it.

Get her a special t-shirt made with world's number 1 (whatever her job title is).

That sort of thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Compatible with does not mean the same as.
> 
> My wife talks about work, sometimes it bores me, sometimes it interests me.
> 
> ...


Over the last 30 years or so, I have spent a lot of time in nursing homes in the U.S...looking in on my family, wife's family or friends.

These are depressing places. Even the best of them reek of urine.

People are cycled through these places, reminding me of a train stop on a deadheaded side rail. The patients transition to their last stop on this earth.

Soon as your SO gets to know these folks [some are very kindly] they up and die on her.

Many of the the patients are the real walking dead.

Many sit in chairs lost in thought, no..no thought at all.

Alzheimer's, senility, collapsed spines, patients doped up on narcotics to keep them quit. 

The nurses and NA's bath their tired bed-ridden bodies with some having smelly bed sores that will not heal.

Like the Hotel California. You can check out whenever you want, but you cannot leave, at least not with your head held high. No, you leave in the horizontal rest position. 

Only hardened cynics or indifferent curmudgeons can work there.......or saints.

Walk a mile in her shoes.

Maybe get her another less stressful job.


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## kenny3553 (Apr 11, 2016)

If it's first time she got job in 20yrs then you might wanna give her a little more time an you try making attempts to communicate. Also could depend on what kind of job she is currently doing etc, . 

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## kenny3553 (Apr 11, 2016)

Totally agree 

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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

a couple of suggestions before having that "open and honest talk" that is sometimes not all that porductive.

1. Let her unload about work and give her the listening nod for an hour each evening.

2. then try to redirect her attention. Her favorite movie or TV show maybe.

3. Be careful about your own behavior and choice of words. Have you ever made her feel that she was dependent on you? That there are lots of housewives who work (sowhy don't you?); remind her in not so generous ways just how generous you are. then you need to tone that down.


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## MikeTO (Aug 18, 2016)

jdesey said:


> My gal and I have been together for 2 years. Last year at the age of 46 she took a full time job at a senior living home. It's the first time she's had a job in over 20 years. Here's the problem. It's totally consumed her. It's all she talks about. If she has a good day at work than we are ok. If she has s bad day we are not and it sucks to be around her. Many times we will end up in a fight if she has a bad day. I'm trying to be supportive and I listen to her tell me about her day. But it's getting old. It's literally the only thing she talks about. What do I do?


There is no way around it you will have to "dodge and duck" according to Dr John Gray.


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