# The love is not reciprocated



## purple2blue (Oct 23, 2010)

Hello everyone! I am new at this whole thing. I turned to this because I am at wits end with my marriage. This may be long because I have 2 years to sum up. Thanks to all that reads and responds.

I have been married for 2 years now and we've been together for 4 1/2 years. The thing is though, out of the 4 1/2 years, we've really only been together for about 6months before this January. He was a marine and stationed over seas for 2 years, deployed to iraq for 7 months, then deployed to afghanistan for 7 months, and the time in between, we saw eachother in extended weekend increments. I've known him for 8years. He was my brother's best friend. When we first started dating, he was the prince charming I had been dreaming for. But while deployed to Iraq, I don't know what happened, but he changed. He went from my hero to my destroyer. I would cry for days! He would make me feel unworthy of his love and attention. He would lay these rules (ie: can't go to a bar without me) down that only I had to abide by. But he could break them and I had to be ok with that. When I finally had enough and I was "walking out the door" so to say, he realized I was serious. He quickly turned to tears, I love you's, and I'm sorry's. He followed it all with "baby, when I get out of the corps things will be SO much better. I promise. I can show you everyday I love you. I'm a physical person, not an over the phone person." So I put up with this for 2 1/2 years. Finally this past January he got out. it has been hell every single day!!! He finds EVERY tiny detail to fight with me about. He cuts me to the bone with his words for something as simple as the toothpaste cap not being on. When we're in a fight and he realizes I am right, he changes his tune to "this is all your fault. I'm done with this relationship! You make me miserable. I'm leaving" then packs his things to leave to his mothers house. Then it turns into me crying, saying sorry, and begging him to stay...when I didn't do anything wrong!!! He looks at other women while I'm there and says "all men do it its normal." For about 2 months I begged him to have sex with me. I even cried and he had every excuse why not tonight. So my curiosity go the best of me and come to find out, he's been watching porn everyday, numerous times during the day. He's been caught in quite a few lies. He's TERRIBLE with money. I've had to drain my savings account and everything to keep us just at water level. When I am out of town on business is when the money disappears. just 2 weeks ago he received a 1 time payment $3000 for VA benefits. and there is only $19 left. My money goes to bills and expenses. He buys himself games and other necessities with his money while I have no money after supporting the two of us. I've never been soooo far in debt and I'm only 24. He still does not have a job and I found a email from him to a friend saying "no job yet, but honestly i haven't been trying hard. the wifes making enough money to take care of things" He has even gone as far as beating me and the neighbors called the cops and stupid me lied for him because I believed he'd change. He never hit me again. But when you talk to him about it he says "I didn't beat you up. there were no marks" But I've heard him and other marines say "i know how to hurt someone without leaving a mark" I'm to the point where I am no longer attracted to him. I dont even want to kiss him or be near him. But for some reason I still 'love' him and can't let go. His own mother tells me to kick his butt to the curb but I can't find the spine I used to have to do it. What's really sad is, I am 24yr, nice figure, and I can't go anywhere without being hit on by a few men. So why can't I get past this jerk? Why do I feel so ugly? Why am I being put aside for fake porn women? Sigh

Currently I am out of town for a few weeks and I've decided that when I get home I will be asking for the keys to my new apartment (which he has since he'll be picking them up while I'm out) and asking him to leave so we can have a seperation. I will add that I have no problems 'dating' again so we can demolish our toxic relationship and build it from scratch. Everything in the apartment is his except for the bed and dresser that is mine. We also bought a TV in common so his mom told me to keep that and let him take everything. This way I have something to occupy my time. I pay the rent and everything else so I know I can make it on my own without him. Also, we dont have our money joined and none of our assests (vehicles, etc) are shared yet. I know he's going to get VERY angry at this and I'm afraid I'll cave when he tries to turn this around and make it seem like he's leaving me. How do I stay strong through this decision and not crumble and beg him to stay when he does leave?:scratchhead:

HELP!!!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

purple2blue said:


> I'm afraid I'll cave when he tries to turn this around and make it seem like he's leaving me. How do I stay strong through this decision and not crumble and beg him to stay when he does leave?:scratchhead:
> 
> HELP!!!


Where does his mom live? can she come and be with you while you kick him out?


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## Lucee74 (Oct 23, 2010)

I am so sorry about your situation. I know, from experience, that active duty can really change a man.
Perhaps you can tell him that the seperation is only temporary while he seeks therapy.
I know it can be scary and heartbreaking to leave someone you love, but this may help him see the error of his ways and get help.
I agree with Blance - have someone there with you when you tell him of your plans.


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