# Confusing coworker situation



## Aggie (Sep 5, 2012)

I think I have a female coworker that is interested in me. 

I work in IT, so I really have no clue how to how to treat female coworkers. I treat her nicely, but also joke with her like I would with the guys that I work with. Last week I mentioned how much I like my wife's cooking, and a few days later this coworker brought me a present of exactly what I said I really liked that my wife cooked. Also, I accidentally initiated and stumbled through a conversation about her current outfit and gave her advice on color coordination. She went to work last week expecting for me to be there. Today she told me that she missed me because she "got dressed up in a good color coordinated outfit". She also keeps on talking about how she is single, etc.

I am very committed to my marriage and am not attracted to this coworker at all. Although, I do have to admit that it kind of feels nice that I'm apparently interesting.

First off, am I reading too much into this? My best guess is that she is attracted to me, but I can't be completely sure..

Secondly, should I tell my wife? Both of us are the jealous type, but it works out pretty well because we can use "if my spouse did this would I be pissed off?" as decision support. If I tell my wife about this, I'm worried that she'll have unneeded pain. I know for a fact that there is no way I would ever have an EA or PA. I've even been offered no-strings-attached sex from a hot Brazilian woman who was going back to Brazil the next week (test of fire). I told my wife about that, but she didn't worry too much about it because the person was out of the country.

Thirdly, how should I deal with my coworker? I can tell she has some insecurity baggage and I don't want to make the work environment hostile. But I also don't want to be "that guy" that assumes everyone is in love with him.

I'm very torn on if I should tell her about it or not. On one side I don't want my wife to worry needlessly, but on the other side I don't want to lie about it or risk the chance of her finding out.

Any help would be appreciated - thanks.


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## Aggie (Sep 5, 2012)

Sigh, she just started sending me text messages about non-work-related things. I'll need to take care of this soon.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Tell her that it's inappropriate, and tell your wife.


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## Aggie (Sep 5, 2012)

Unsure in Seattle said:


> Tell her that it's inappropriate, and tell your wife.


Yeah, I should tell my wife.

Any ideas on how to tell this coworker that it is inappropriate without making my work life a living hell?


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Tricky, but, y'know what? Screw it. You haven't done anything wrong, and she's the one making you feel awkward. Don't give her some kind of "I'm flattered, but..." that gives her something to hold on to... simply be straight up and say that her contacting you for reasons outside of work is making you uncomfortable and that it's inappropriate. Tell her that you'd appreciate it if your future contact is kept professional from here on in.

Then tell your wife that some young chick was sniffing around you, but you told her to get bent because your wife is the apple of your eye.


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## Nigel (Mar 14, 2012)

Ask her if she wants to have sex with you. If she says yes, tell her you can't because a) you're happily married and b)she's ugly

If that doesn't work hit her in the face with a frying pan (that always does the trick)


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Aggie said:


> Yeah, I should tell my wife.
> 
> Any ideas on how to tell this coworker that it is inappropriate without making my work life a living hell?


Don't respond to the texts. 

If she asks you at work why you didn't respond, say you were busy doing something with your wife. Don't elaborate. 
Don't answer personal calls or emails from her after hours. She'll get the hint soon enough.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Aggie said:


> Sigh, she just started sending me text messages about non-work-related things. I'll need to take care of this soon.


On a work issued phone or your personal phone?

Document all of this. She could go postal & accuse you of sexual harrassment - sounds extreme, but you never know.......

No more personal comments about anything. 

Yes, tell your wife. As a wife, I would want to know.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Send her an email on the corporate network. Tell her in civil language that her actions are inappropriate, and that you want a business-only relationship with her. List the things she has done that you think are inappropriate (this is super important).

That is it. You are covered.

In the future, treat her like nothing happened because nothing has happened.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Don't respond to her.
This is dangerous ground!
EAs can start so easily.
Please be careful and have your boundaries firmly in place!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Bring up your wife in every conversation with her. Tell her how much you love your wife, how awesome she is. She will get the hint. Don't respond to her personal texts. Your wife doesnt need to know yet. Once this coworker gets the hint and backs off no reason to have your wife waiting in the parking lot with a baseball bat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aggie (Sep 5, 2012)

I told my wife about it last night, and surprisingly, she didn't seem very upset about it at all. After explaining to her why I thought this coworker was coming on to me a bit, she agreed that I'm not reading too much into it.

I don't think I'm going to do anything drastic, yet. I think my behavior may have been encouraging her. I'm friendly with her and joke around like I do with my other coworkers. I'm thinking that I may be coming off as flirtatious. So the game plan for now is to keep everything professional, ignore any outside of work communication, and mention my wife in conversations more consistently.

Do you all really think I need to be documenting it? I guess on the off chance that she is completely psycho it could come in handy...


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Yeah, I'd document it just in case it comes back on you, somehow. Kudos on telling the wife.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Aggie said:


> I told my wife about it last night, and surprisingly, she didn't seem very upset about it at all. After explaining to her why I thought this coworker was coming on to me a bit, she agreed that I'm not reading too much into it.
> 
> I don't think I'm going to do anything drastic, yet. I think my behavior may have been encouraging her. I'm friendly with her and joke around like I do with my other coworkers. I'm thinking that I may be coming off as flirtatious. So the game plan for now is to keep everything professional, ignore any outside of work communication, and mention my wife in conversations more consistently.
> 
> Do you all really think I need to be documenting it? I guess on the off chance that she is completely psycho it could come in handy...


Yes you need to document every conversation where she took it the wrong way & no more outside of work conversation. She is going to notice the "change" & is not going to be happy.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

I may have missed it, but is she a techie as well? I've worked in software/IT for 20 years...and most men + women in this field are somewhat awkward when dealing with the opposite s**. I've found that if I interact with some of the techie/geek females at work, they can get kind of kooky and clingy around me. Almost like a teen crush. 

Generally, I'll just avoid them for a while, and they move on.


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