# Help! I need lots of female advice!



## Chinabound49 (Aug 12, 2016)

My wife is an attractive highly sexed Chinese woman i met and married 12 years ago in China when i was there working. 5 months ago out of the blue she informed me she does not love me anymore and wants a divorce. We separated 4 months ago and she has told me we can never be husband and wife again, nor can we ever be together again, but she will always consider me part of her family (whatever that means). Since then we have played the rollercoaster game, one day she will call me and message me, has gone shopping and dropped of some of my favorite stuff without wanting any money for it, then next day argues and screams wildly at me. If i don't contact her in any way, after like 3 or 4 days she finds a reason to contact me. I have asked her if she has someone else, or has dated, and yes, if she has had sex, and she say no no no. She regularly reminds me that the marriage ended cause of my fault 100%. I have also found out she has been on dating sites for a few years at least, and knowing her as well as I do, with her very high sex drive, I would venture to guess that after 4 months separated from me, there is a very high chance she has been ****ed by another guy. Now my confusion is this - if she truly does not love me at all, and does not want to ever be with me ever again, not ever to go out for dinner, and states it is totally over and that she does not think of me at all ever now, then why the hell would she still talk to me almost daily, even though most times she gets arguing and yelling, why does she still the odd time buy me snacks that she knows i like, tell me that she has not dated anyone or had sex with anyone, and on and on and on? Me? If i had lost love for her, and said i want a divorce and we split, none of this what she does would happen. I would only have contact with her if it was an emergency. To me if I really have decided it is over for good, then that is exactly what it would be, over for good.

So 4 weeks ago she went to visit her family in China for 2 months, she is still there. She told me the night before she left, she called me, and told me she was leaving in the morning, which i already knew, and as planned, her and a girfriend of her's were going. Anyhow, i got that feeling, and few days later called the travel agent, the owner is a friend of mine also, and found out that my wife and her gf went of course, as well as 2 guys that went with them also. So i sent the wife an email, said i hope u made it there ok, and have a good time and be safe, and then said, oh, and also, say hi to the 2 guys that went with you and your girlfriend. That was all I said. So a week ago i got an email from her in China, saying she did not take a man with her, she had not lied to me, but that she wanted me to know that recently she had sex with a man. I never replied.

Then a few days ago she called me from China and asked me if i knew her library card number ,she needed it to get into her gmail account she said. And i said no, and she began getting arguing again that i ruined what could have been a wonderful life togther, and i just hung up, tired of hearing that.

So, i know divorce her, and all that stuff. but what i am hoping for from some people here, is why is she still bothering, calling me, etc?

And why would a separated wife send her husband an email saying she recently had sex with a man? And telling him that by email??

Finally, is it normal for a 46 yr old woman to separate, tell him she does not love him anymore, they can never be husband and wife again, etc, etc, but still contact him once in a while or if he calls or text messages her she answers the phone or texts back right away?

So a woman's perspective would really be appreciated. Feel free to say whatever you think.

Thanks everyone, 

Bill


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

She doesn't want to be with you anymore but might like the idea of having you as a back-up plan if her new relationship doesn't go as planned.
Don't allow yourself to be a doormat. Divorce her and move on with your life.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

A woman can separate at any age even 46 or older.

I say give her what she wants and divorce her, do not reply to any of her emails or calls.

She told you about the man to make you jealous.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

You are like an old pair of comfortable running shoes - not good enough for her to use to run in anymore - but she is not comfortable throwing them away yet. 

I think a more helpful question for you to answer is why are you answering your phone and talking to her - letting her keep you around and allowing her to treat you the way she is. Don't answer the phone, don't take her treats, and certainly quit inquiring about her activities. She may not be comfortable throwing you away yet - but you certainly have the right and the power to not engage with her anymore then is absolutely necessary to get the divorce.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is it normal for a woman to do all that?

First of all, keep in mind that each woman is a unique human. We don’t all think and act the same. 

I would never do what your wife is doing. If I leave a man and divorce him, I’m done and don’t want anything to do with him. That’s why I left.

But some people, men and women, behave in the manner that your wife is behaving. It’s not gender specific. Some people string along their ex as a sort of fallback position. Plus, they do what she did is telling you that she had sex with someone. Why? To make you jealous, to hurt you.

The best thing you could do would be to cut off almost all contact with her. She’s playing mean games with you. Only accept emails and texts. Never reply to her quickly. Read it, think about it. Let it rest for at least 24 hours before you reply. Then ignore anything emotional, only reply to business type things that need to be addressed.

Look at the 180 link in my signature block below. Interact with her like that from now on. She is being cruel under the guise of ‘staying friends’. Don’t let her do that to you.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

She sounds like one of those women who thrives on men giving her attention, no matter which man it is. Whether she is married or whether he is married. This kind of woman (if indeed she is that kind of woman) expects all men to fall over themselves at the sight of her and drop to their knees for providing whatever she likes. She doesn't care for people very deeply, she just likes men to give her attention and that is all that motivates her.

You are giving her what she needs by being there on the phone when she wants you, she gives you carrots of things you like and sticks to test you. What she really needs is for you to be a devastated broken man who still wants to be with her. The best thing you can do is just get on with your life and don't be the other half of her tango. Don't engage with her unless absolutely necessary, and display indifference to her game playing. She'll soon get bored. You're better off out of there because she'll never make you happy. Women like her are selfish to the very core.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Stop engaging in her crazy games. File already. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Please, don't go back to this woman. For the love of God, don't do it.


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

She gets off on torturing you.

Yes I know you'd never think the woman who supposedly loves/loved you would turn on you like a pack of wolves but it happens.

Accept that she may have used you for the last 12 years of your life and this is just the last couple of shots she's getting in before she goes for the jugular.

It's like when you see a wild animal playing with it's prey and not actually killing it, just getting some sort of perverse satisfaction from it's misery knowing it's eventually going to be dinner anyway.


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## Beeloni (Aug 29, 2016)

I'm so sorry this has happened. I believe you are her back up plan. I'm sure it hurts like hell and you miss certain things about her, but you need to put yourself first. File a legal separation and even divorce papers. This may be enough to scare her/wake her up however you will be in the driver's seat and can make your decisions from there. In the meantime, it may not hurt to look into some kind of counseling for yourself.


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## CuriousBlue (Oct 7, 2016)

Some people are just not stable. Crazy, eccentric, out-of-touch, warped... whatever you want to call it.

If that's what you want, don't divorce.


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## Chinabound49 (Aug 12, 2016)

Thanks to everyone that took the time to reply to my earlier posting. Well here is an update!

She called me a week or so ago from China, after i had sent her an email saying say hi to the 2 guys that went with u and Vanessa, her gf, and also after she had emailed me saying she did not take any guy with her to China, has never lied to me but now wants me to know she recently had sex with a man. Now the stupidity of that is as follows. Before she left for China she had told me she has not dated or had sex with anyone at all. So like a week or 2 later, when she is in China she suddenly tells me she had sex with a man, like, u just met him and had sex that quick in China? I am maybe not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but i am not that stupid!

So after this she called me a week or so ago from China and said she needs her library card number to log into her gmail account, and asked me if i knew what it was. I said, how the hell would i know that? and she started arguing a bit and started to say i am a terrible man, but half way through the work terrible, i just hung up the phone.

Then last Sunday she messaged me and wished me Happy Thanksgiving, and hoped i was ok! And u know, i started thinking, is this woman just unable to fathom out that telling me she took no guy to China, telling me she recently had sex with a man, etc, etc, i wondered is she unable to realize after that she probably should not bother me again? Cause her actions certainly present the image that she cares not a bit for me.

So then again she messaged me yesterday, hope u are fine, and i messaged her back and said, dont worry how i am, and please never contact me i any way again, i don't like you anymore. Now, one thing i neglected to mention i think before is that she is a classic narcissistic woman. So she replied Fine, this is the last time i will send u any messages. Oh really? I thought that was supposed to happen when she left me, did not love me anymore, we could never be husband and wife again! And her and i were married in china and could in china get a divorce any Thursday, and it would be effective that day, so before she left for china, i told her check it out and let me know when u want me to come there and we can get divorced there. She never replied to that or took me up on my offer!

So, i know it is easy to say divorce her ,get rid of her, etc. But, unfortunately, and dont ask me why, i still love her intensely for some profound reason.

So what i am seeking is advice on what is going on in her head, is she playing with me, confused, or just outright have a hate on for me and loves hurting me, or is she maybe just mentally losing it?

Any advice i would truly appreciate, and i thank those that may reply big time!

Thanks

Bill


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Better question why do you care? Why do you allow yourself to be disrespected in this way? Why are you not blocking her? Dude go get some help.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The only advice I can give is start getting therapy to figure out all the damage she's done to you all these years and how to start loving yourself again.


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