# Opened out to my husband lately and was surprised



## mrshannahj (Nov 5, 2017)

I opened out to my husband lately and was surprised he listened to me.We had this talk on Tuesday night and he was also glad I opened out to him.It was about me wanting to be romantically involved with another woman and he figured out something.He asked if I had feelings that I am bisexual as well and told him yes.Surprised me and said he is fully supportive of me discovering this.I am the person that talks about it first and my husband knows this.Glad it went well knowing this is going to happen.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Hmm, so hes ok with you having a girlfriend?

What does he get out of the deal?

You get to have an auxiliary relationship and he gets to sit back and let you?

I think hes might be thinking threesomes or that he also gets to have an auxiliary relationship.

Would you be ok with him having extra peice on the side?



I think the imbalance of this situation will be problematic.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

mrshannahj,

What you are giving up is your exclusivity with your H. Once that is gone you've crossed a boundary which you might never reestablish. Your H might think he is strong enough to cope with this, but when it actually happens it's a different story. 

Once you go outside it gives your H a pass to do so himself.

If both of you go outside the possibility one of you will fall in love with someone who is expected to be a sex only friend with benefits is very high. 

Tamat


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## mrshannahj (Nov 5, 2017)

I have figured out I have been bisexual all my life and my husband will be in my life still.I came out as bisexual to my family 2 weeks ago finally.Husband says he loves me no matter what and this is me.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Does he get to have sexy with her too?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

MrsHanna,

Do you intend to let your children know, if you have children?

I can tell you that one of the loneliest feelings in the world is to be left by yourself with children while your W is out with someone else. 

If the kids ask where's Mom is it OK for your H to lie and tell them she is shopping when in fact Mom is cheating.

Tamat


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

*So I'd better just get it out there. I'm... I'm... a heterosexual. I'm romantically attracted to women, lots of women." *

too funny!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Personally, I'd be fine with it if my wife came out as bisexual, and wanted to pursue a sexual experience with a woman. BUT, I'd _also_ want to pursue a sexual relationship with a(nother) woman, too. Perhaps that isn't a concern for your husband - there are plenty of mono/poly relationships out there. Some of them even work indefinitely - but not all, and often do create problems. We're both decidedly heterosexual - but have an open relationship with well-defined boundaries that have worked for us for nearly 18 years. We've both had other partners, and have had fun with that. I do suggest that you take things very slowly, and really discuss how things might work and how you each feel at each step, and be prepared to stop if things don't go smoothly.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

mrshannahj said:


> He asked if I had feelings that I am bisexual as well and told him yes.Surprised me and said he is fully supportive of me discovering this.*I am the person that talks about it first and my husband knows this*.Glad it went well knowing this is going to happen.


good for you. its NOT cheating if you get a hall pass first.

But you have to respect the marriage....if you are finding a GF only for sex, that is fine, but if you "fall in love" with her, and then fall OUT of love with your husband....that is not ok.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> Personally, I'd be fine with it if my wife came out as bisexual, and wanted to pursue a sexual experience with a woman. BUT, I'd _also_ want to pursue a sexual relationship with a(nother) woman, too.


good point. he needs a hall pass too IF he asks for one


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## mrshannahj (Nov 5, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> good for you. its NOT cheating if you get a hall pass first.
> 
> But you have to respect the marriage....if you are finding a GF only for sex, that is fine, but if you "fall in love" with her, and then fall OUT of love with your husband....that is not ok.


It will be for sex,I have realized I love women too.We have it worked out,equal time spent


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

So when you told your stepbrother that you are faithful to your husband, you didn't really mean it? And you judge him for cheating? Oh wait, your husband - who you took vows with to forsake all others etc. etc. knows so that makes it ok. Hmmmmm.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

You're a cheater, plain and simple.

Unfortunately your husband was blindsided by you, and he has been brainwashed by the politically correct crazy culture so he doesn't have the clarity and courage to tell you, "I don't care what you call yourself. Just know this: If you go outside the marriage with ANYBODY, we are done!"

Hopefully he'll clear his head soon. Send him here to post and we'll help him understand that cheating is cheating.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Araucaria said:


> You're a cheater, plain and simple.
> 
> Unfortunately your husband was blindsided by you, and he has been brainwashed by the politically correct crazy culture so he doesn't have the clarity and courage to tell you, "I don't care what you call yourself. Just know this: If you go outside the marriage with ANYBODY, we are done!"
> 
> Hopefully he'll clear his head soon. Send him here to post and we'll help him understand that cheating is cheating.


Lol politically correct crazy culture. Love when people use absurdity to try to make a point...


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

At least let your husband date other women, poor man. Almost every man if he had his way and acted on his impulses would have more then one sex partner. That would rightly never be used as an excuse. Hope your husband wises up.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Herschel said:


> Lol politically correct crazy culture. Love when people use absurdity to try to make a point...


Thread jack.

Maybe you could start your own thred about this.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

chillymorn69 said:


> Thread jack.
> 
> Maybe you could start your own thred about this.


A) His comment was a thread diversion. B) Your comment was even more of a thread jack.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
How can bisexuality be so convoluted that many do not realize it until much later in life? Are the "feelings" or "tendencies" such that they can go unrecognized for years or decades? If that is the case then why act on such weak feelings?

Did I understand that you and your H get "equal time"? What doe this mean exactly? Is this an open marriage? If so, then I will refrain from posting as I have no insight or understanding of these arrangements. If not, then what are you expecting from this arrangement? Are you seeking to experience women outside of marriage while your H supports your activities? I am uncertain as to what you are seeking from this forum.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Very interesting family. Husband doesn't mind his wife having a girlfriend and his son is an 18 year old drag queen.

Any midgets in the closet?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

mrshannahj said:


> It will be for sex,I have realized I love women too.We have it worked out,equal time spent



As my first LTR girlfriend left me for a woman, I have a horrible feeling that things might not be as smooth and as easy as you like to think.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Herschel said:


> A) His comment was a thread diversion. B) Your comment was even more of a thread jack.


It was my quote, and I'm a "her."

My comment was not a diversion. I believe that some people are so afraid to be called a bigot or hater if they do not not wholeheartedly support all the sexual confusion being promoted as "normal," that they accept behaviors from their spouses in the name of sexual diversity that they should not accept.

If my husband said he had an overwhelming attraction to all women, and therefore he needed to be allowed to pursue that while remaining married to me, I'd say, "Sign here."

If he said that he was attracted to men and wanted to pursue that while remaining married to me, I'd say, "Sign here."

Acting on same sex attraction does not get special consideration simply because it is the current fad. It is cheating, just like acting on heterosexual attraction.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Araucaria said:


> It was my quote, and I'm a "her."
> 
> My comment was not a diversion. I believe that some people are so afraid to be called a bigot or hater if they do not not wholeheartedly support all the sexual confusion being promoted as "normal," that they accept behaviors from their spouses in the name of sexual diversity that they should not accept.
> 
> ...


Did your husband cheat? Sorry if I have the wrong user but IIRC your husband cheated but you stayed and still see the OW around town.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

mrshannahj said:


> It will be for sex,I have realized I love women too.We have it worked out,equal time spent


Equal time...this is not a custody issue where you get to live at to homes...your married first and foremost....you sound so selfish....the bulk of your time 80% should be with your husband...guess what it's not all about you..


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

The problem @mrshannahj is that your actions will change the dynamics of your marriage.

At present you and your husband have sexual relations with each other.

So this is what you marriage looks like, pretty much:-










But if one of you has sexual relations with another person outside of your marriage, then your marriage starts to look like this:-










If your husband gives you one of these:-










What are you going to give your husband in order to bring your marriage back into harmonious balance? 

An open marriage? Or perhaps other gestures of love that do not include him having sex with other people?

In theory your idea is a practical solution to your problem.

But in practice this kind of thing can blow relationships to smithereens. 

Please be careful.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

It's not cheating if it is agreed upon and terms and boundaries are established and adhered to. 

Whether their marriage remains intact years down the road is a whole other matter (and none of us have any guarentees of a future) but this is not cheating.

What a husband and wife choose to do for their marital sex life is their business and their decision as a couple.

This may or may not work long term, but this is not an issue of infidelity.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

mrshannahj said:


> I* have* figured out *I have* been bisexual all my life and my husband will be in my life still.*I came out* as bisexual to my family 2 weeks ago finally.Husband says he loves me no matter what and this is me.





mrshannahj said:


> It will be for sex,*I have realized I love women too*.We have it worked out,equal time spent


Pardon my wanting to throw a little cold water on you. 

It is clear that your husband loves you. It is clear that you intend to have sex with others not your husband to explore your new found sexuality. 

Now put yourself in the shoes of your H for a minute. His wife, wants sex with others, but women. Ok, that is less threatening, but unless he has some bizarre fetish, he will be loosing emotional connection with you as that is what you want. 

You do know that even sex between two women in this day and age can cause you to get and give to your H a STD/STI. So how much are you going to protect your H's health as you go out there sharing skin contact and bodily fluids? Yes, you won't likely get pregnant, but what might you get or give? Or does it matter as you are so into exploring your own fantasy.

https://www.verywell.com/safer-sex-for-lesbians-3133190

Yes he will still be in your life, but really, what man wants to share the woman he loves? A desperate man, who thinks that not sharing her will result in his loosing the woman he loves.

Your post makes this sound like it is all about YOU. YOU want to explore your new found sexuality. YOU are excusing it because even though married, it is with a woman. It is who YOU are sexually and you need to embrace it. Before you "enjoy" your new sexuality and sexual freedom, you might want to get some individual counseling to see if you are in a mid-life crisis or something similar. You need to figure out why now and what flipped your switch before you scratch this new found itch.

Good luck and if you must play safe. Oh, and encourage your H to get some counseling as well. My heart goes out to your H.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

MrsHolland said:


> Did your husband cheat? Sorry if I have the wrong user but IIRC your husband cheated but you stayed and still see the OW around town.


Yes, in 2009 he had an EA, and "fell in love" and wanted a divorce. He came out of it quickly, and has recommitted to me and our marriage, but I still struggle, and a lot of it is because so many people know each other and I either directly or indirectly come into contact with her a couple of times a year, at least. I am very triggered by it. We had been married 19 years and had 4 children when he did it and it devastated me. He is pretty horrified by what he did, who he did it with (she is not who he thought she was at the time, "he affaired down") and what it did to me. He became a different person during the short (1 month) time of the affair. He is himself again, but how do I know he will never become an uncaring monster again if he did it once?

He is trying to make it so we can move back to where we came from, like I do, but it is taking time for him to find a job, sell our home, etc. When I'm having a bad day, I want to chuck it all, and move by myself, but I don't want to do that to my children, so I feel trapped.


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

TAMAT said:


> mrshannahj,
> 
> 
> 
> ...




This is a big problem with the idea of sex outside of the marriage, it is easy to become emotionally attached to your lover on the side. 


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> Very interesting family. Husband doesn't mind his wife having a girlfriend and his son is an 18 year old drag queen.
> 
> 
> 
> Any midgets in the closet?




Two sheep are tethered outside



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