# Mrs. Robinson wife with old (young) flame



## digitscd (Oct 22, 2013)

My wife is 60, but she looks like a beauty queen, most people think she is 45. She recently contacted an old friend through Facebook and went to lunch with him. He is 10 years younger. She told me she was going to lunch with him but blew off any concerns by saying in a condescending way that he was 10 years younger and just a guy she knew from a band years ago.

Suspicious, (she had an emotional affair a few years ago) I read her Facebook messages and apparently they had a summer of love when he was 18 and she was 28. The fact that she hid the relationship from me and also what she did way back when has hurt me (the 18/28). They swapped some stories about the great summer and their special lovemaking, he called her Mrs. R and how special their tender lovemaking was. She was all gushy too. 

She has no intention to sleep with the guy I believe but I have a hard time dealing with this situation. She is furious because I invaded her privacy by reading the exchange on her Facebook. She doesn't want me to ever bring it up again or she will leave me she says. Should I be upset? Advice?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Most married people would not be ok with this. The fact that she does not admit that it's a problem, is well a problem.

Are you willing to tell her that either she breaks the date or you will divorce her?


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Ah, the old "invading my privacy" defense. She is up to no good.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

digitscd said:


> My wife is 60, but she looks like a beauty queen, most people think she is 45. She recently contacted an old friend through Facebook and went to lunch with him. He is 10 years younger. She told me she was going to lunch with him but blew off any concerns by saying in a condescending way that he was 10 years younger and just a guy she knew from a band years ago.
> 
> Suspicious, (she had an emotional affair a few years ago) I read her Facebook messages and apparently they had a summer of love when he was 18 and she was 28. The fact that she hid the relationship from me and also what she did way back when has hurt me (the 18/28). They swapped some stories about the great summer and their special lovemaking, he called her Mrs. R and how special their tender lovemaking was. She was all gushy too.
> 
> She has no intention to sleep with the guy I believe but I have a hard time dealing with this situation. She is furious because I invaded her privacy by reading the exchange on her Facebook. She doesn't want me to ever bring it up again or she will leave me she says. Should I be upset? Advice?


And that little threat at the end? if my W said this to me, I'd call her bluff...

...and rent her the U-haul.


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

digitscd said:


> She is furious because I invaded her privacy by reading the exchange on her Facebook. She doesn't want me to ever bring it up again or she will leave me she says. Should I be upset? Advice?


This to me is the biggest red flag.
This kind of reaction tells me you SHOULD be concerned.

Your wife wants to date her old lover, has lied about their previous relationship and you're not allowed to ever bring it up again or else? :scratchhead:

WTF!

That not a marriage...that's a dictatorship!

Also far as I'm concerned there shouldn't be any secrets between a man and his wife. In our home all passwords, emails addy, social networks are open and transparent.
Why would she be furious at you seeing her FB page if she has nothing to hide?


----------



## digitscd (Oct 22, 2013)

Well, not really date, just the lunch but she did go see his band play a few weeks after the lunch. When I confronted her she called him and said she couldn't have contact anymore. And she took him off her Facebook page. I told her if this was so innocent what would the guy's wife think if she read the exchange. She got furious. I have half a mind to send it to her.Just to prove my point. Is that a bad idea?


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Your wife's attitude (ie: not being repentant) is a big red flag.

Can you still access the message? Yes, I would send it to his wife.


----------



## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

digitscd said:


> My wife is 60, but she looks like a beauty queen, most people think she is 45. She recently contacted an old friend through Facebook and went to lunch with him. He is 10 years younger. She told me she was going to lunch with him but blew off any concerns by saying in a condescending way that he was 10 years younger and just a guy she knew from a band years ago.
> 
> Suspicious,* (she had an emotional affair a few years ago)* I read her Facebook messages and apparently they had a summer of love when he was 18 and she was 28. The fact that she hid the relationship from me and also what she did way back when has hurt me (the 18/28). They swapped some stories about the great summer and their special lovemaking, he called her Mrs. R and how special their tender lovemaking was. She was all gushy too.
> 
> She has no intention to sleep with the guy I believe but I have a hard time dealing with this situation. *She is furious because I invaded her privacy* by reading the exchange on her Facebook. She doesn't want me to ever bring it up again or she will leave me she says. Should I be upset? Advice?


She cheated on you. ALL RIGHTS TO PRIVACY HAVE THEREFORE BEEN VOIDED BY HER !!!

Your wife went there with the expressed purpose of cheating on you.


----------



## digitscd (Oct 22, 2013)

She blew off another scheduled lunch appointment and drove to the other side of town to visit him at his office. Should I post the Facebook exchange here to see if i am crazy or not?


----------



## digitscd (Oct 22, 2013)

My Wife
"I don't think there ever were any pictures of us together. I was looking through Manny's photos to see if we were in any of the Strawberrry Street block party pictures from the 80's. Can't remember what year I was living on Strawberry, but we were there one year. And you played music.
•	January 30
Younger Guy
*That made me smile. Btw Mrs. Robinson...it was the Summer of '81. Possibly the greatest Summer of my life!*
•	January 31
Wife
*I hope a much nice Mrs. R. Great Memories. *Did you know that Bill is on my facebook? Remember, he was with Jill when we went out on the boat, *Also, the night before, I think we were at Bill's apartment.*
•	April 17
Wife
You have 883 friends? Wow
Younger Guy
Just saw the last message from Jan 31...I remember Jill but not Bill. *I remember a lot about us and am so fortunate to have you in my life.* Of the 883 probably half are just acquaintances so don't be too impressed..
9:48pm
Wife
it sounds like you are losing weight, you will have to post a picture.Bill lived at 2614 Park Avenue. I use to manage that building. *I remember being in his living room. I don't think I saw the rest of the house.*
9:52pm
Younger Guy
I steadily gained when I started my own business 7 years ago and just got sick of seeing myself in pictures. Finally lived up to a New Years resolution and started working out and watching my diet. Lost 25 and feel better than I have in 15 years. I'm never going back there again. *BTW...I remember that apartment and look up when I happen to drive by....don't think we left the couch!*
9:55pm
Wife
*I do the same thing when I pass that building. I think you are right about the couch!*
9:57pm
Younger Guy
*I loved that you made me feel like a man and not just a summer romance. It really was tender...and sexy.
Also that we didn't hide it. I was SO attracted to you the first time we met in the rental office downtown. Where was that?*
10:01pm
Wife
*It was so unbelievably special. *The office was at 619 E. Main. It is now part of that bar, can't remember the name. i remember talking to you all the time at Shields Market. Just remembered a party we went to on Semmes Avenue. Seems like it was the 4th of July."
10:03pm


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

digitscd said:


> My wife is 60, but she looks like a beauty queen, most people think she is 45. She recently contacted an old friend through Facebook and went to lunch with him. He is 10 years younger. She told me she was going to lunch with him but blew off any concerns by saying in a condescending way that he was 10 years younger and just a guy she knew from a band years ago.
> 
> Suspicious, (she had an emotional affair a few years ago) I read her Facebook messages and apparently they had a summer of love when he was 18 and she was 28. The fact that she hid the relationship from me and also what she did way back when has hurt me (the 18/28). They swapped some stories about the great summer and their special lovemaking, he called her Mrs. R and how special their tender lovemaking was. She was all gushy too.
> 
> She has no intention to sleep with the guy I believe but I have a hard time dealing with this situation. *She is furious because I invaded her privacy by reading the exchange on her Facebook. She doesn't want me to ever bring it up again or she will leave me she says. Should I be upset? Advice?*


_Dear Wifey, 

Sorry for invading your right to privately correspond with your long lost paramour. Glad you feel so giddy over the thought of getting together with him again. I hope you have fun. Don't even bother to worry about me. I'll be fine here after the new bed, furniture and TV are in. There will be a bit to do with out your help, during the redecorating. Though there seems to be an abundance of attractive ladies, a bit younger than you, that are so willing to help a loyal fellow get his home ready for entertaining. Make sure you take enough clothes and things with you. I may be travailing and not available to let you back in, so I bagged the rest of your things and placed them out a the curb for your convenience. Don't forget to ask him if he has enough room for you and your old stuff, at his place. I'll be too busy getting my new wardrobe together, to bring anything over. Even if I could, I had to downsize my transportation, so I don't have room for anything but bare essentials, on my new ride. 
_











_C'est la vie...

digitscd_


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

This is definitely heading towards a PA rapidly (if it hasn't happened already). You are now in a war zone officially and fighting for survival with anything you have got (and you have got a bit to fight with including the support of TAM). First of all blow this guy up completely with his wife - he is less than pond scum for engaging in that exchange knowing that both he and your wife are married - he sounds like he was a bit of a player back then too (of course he remembers Jill but not Bill) and he is in a band (of course!). As for your wife, besides narcissism and vanity coupled with real self-worth issues (go figure), she has some serious boundary issues and has probably never really understood what being married was. Even back then, a 28 year old going after an 18 year old would have seemed strange and slightly pervy! You need to file for D immediately (even if you decide to R later), protect your finances etc, and move her out and do a 180 on her to heal yourself. I would also recommend that you have the moderators move this thread to the CWI (coping with infidelity) section where you will get a lot more relevant support. Good luck!


----------



## seasalt (Jul 5, 2012)

Your wife is being terribly disrespectful to you and your marriage. It's time to nip this in the bud however you can. If she will not stop then you should end your marriage.

Seasalt


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

You need to expose this affair. Yes this is an affair.

You must tell the OMW all that you know about their past and what they are up to now.

Get the book Surviving An affair by Dr Harley.


----------



## digitscd (Oct 22, 2013)

I asked that at least she should give me an apology and she blew up, threatened to leave. I guess I should face the inevitable.


----------



## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

digitscd said:


> I asked that at least she should give me an apology and she blew up, threatened to leave. I guess I should face the inevitable.


Frankly, I would call her bluff and tell her you fine with her leaving. Then print out that Facebook exchange and share it with everyone you know. Don't be made a fool of.


----------



## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

If she threatened to leave "if I ever bring it up again" I'd tell her to save herself the trouble and just get the hell out of my house right now.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

The Middleman said:


> Frankly, I would call her bluff and tell her you fine with her leaving. Then print out that Facebook exchange and share it with everyone you know. Don't be made a fool of.


To paraphrase the commander in Vietnam, you may have to "destroy" your marriage in order to save it.


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

If I saw that kind of dialogue on my wife's FB between her and her old lover her stuff would be on the front lawn that day. Is there really any other answer with the kind of attitude she has?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I see literatica quasi cuckhold.

Just my 2 cents.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your wife wants to flirt around and have emotional affairs within her marriage. When you try to stop it, she threatens divorce. It works, becuase for some reason you are afraid not to allow her to have a marriage with you on these ridiculous terms. And you are confused becuase you have to ask people if something you clearly do not want to be a part of your marriage is acceptable to a bunch of other people. What you need to do is dictate the terms of your marriage to your wife and offer her to take it or leave it. And yes, full access to her facebook, no private converations with males, full transparency should be part of a marriage where someone cheated in the past. But you have to be willing to SHOW HER THE DOOR if she does not accept your terms.


----------



## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

anchorwatch said:


> _Dear Wifey,
> 
> Sorry for invading your right to privately correspond with your long lost paramour. Glad you feel so giddy over the thought of getting together with him again. I hope you have fun. Don't even bother to worry about me. I'll be fine here after the new bed, furniture and TV are in. There will be a bit to do with out your help, redecorating. Though there seems to be an abundance of attractive ladies, a bit younger than you, that are so willing to help a loyal fellow get his home ready for entertaining. Make sure you take enough clothes and things with you. I may be travailing and not available to let you back in. Don't forget to ask him if he has enough room for you and your old stuff, at his place. I'll be too busy to bring anything over. I'll be getting my new wardrobe together. Even if I could, I had to downsize my transportation, so I don't have room for anything but bare essentials, on my new ride.
> _
> ...


"And if you're lucky, Mrs. R., maybe he still has that old couch around..."


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Find him and destroy him. Print out the exchange and send it to all people she knows. Ask them nicely to help lift her from the EA fog she is in if they talk to her.
I would freak the hell out if I read that shi7. Serve her D papers is my recommendation. Let him have her, they deserve one another.
If you want to try to get her back, post her correspondence followed by a letter to him publicly on Facebook and let him know you are in disbelief that he feels it is ok to speak to another mans wife this way. Do what ever you can to expose and humiliate her. BTW she is or will fuc* him soon. Do not allow her to get mean with you. You take control of this. Allowing her to do it is allowing her to have an affair.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Mr Digits,

You're getting great advice here, but you may not understand why it is so good. The scenario your wife is in is classic, and it leads to an EA and then a PA in a flash. Literally in one day she could go from not having thought about about this guy for decades to jumping in bed with him.

One of my sisters is a therapist, and she tells me that in her practice she sees this kind of thing all the time. It isn't just a TAM thing which happens to a fringe few people. She also says that FaceBook is now involved in literally every single couple she sees with infidelity.

What happens is your wife suddenly feels 28 again when she has contact with this guy. Go listen to Brad Paisley's song "FaceBook Friends", he has the dynamics perfectly in the lyrics.

Your wife says she drives past that place and thinks of their time on the couch. She is definitely in a strong EA right now. It could go PA in a flash.

If you met a woman somewhere, there would be many steps up the ladder before you both would be comfortable enough to jump in bed. But when two people have had sex in the past, they can go from zero to in bed instantly because they have already done all those intermediary steps in the past.

Your wife is in The Fog. You've got to nuke the affair to kill it. You cannot get her back by being Nice, thoughtful, or restrained.

btw, I would cleanse the details out of that message exchange. The addresses and names especially. Preserve your secrecy here.


----------



## digitscd (Oct 22, 2013)

I called the guy this morning and he was belligerent. Very concerned that I don't contact his wife again. (I had found her email and asked her to contact me because I had something to tell her about her husband and my wife.) I should have just sent her the whole thing. Said that he and his wife are cool (but don't contact her). And that nothing happened during their three hour "business" lunch.


----------



## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

Good job contacting the jerk. I would talk to his wife in person. Give her what evidence that you have. And you are in a tough spot with your wife. She is definately not trustworthy...and your marriage is in a very bad place. Better get to a counselor fast and find out what is up. She may not have had a physical affair yet, but she has already abandoned you in her heart. There is no way in this world that I would allow my wife to have that conversation with an old lover without all hell breaking loose.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Why couldn't you tell him every time you call my wife, I call your wife?

Then send the conversion anyway!


----------



## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Good work so far, but emailing his wife the PMs right off the bat would have been more effective. Now he has the chance to spin this his way, and intercept further emails to her. Send it anyway just to show you don't give a F about his threats.


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

OP you did the right thing. Methinks that all hell is about to break loose.


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

digitscd said:


> I called the guy this morning and he was belligerent. Very concerned that I don't contact his wife again. (I had found her email and asked her to contact me because I had something to tell her about her husband and my wife.) I should have just sent her the whole thing. Said that he and his wife are cool (but don't contact her). And that nothing happened during their three hour "business" lunch.


This is great and all but exactly what consequences has either of them actually faced yet?
Stop pretending to be tough, and do something real to expose this. Why talk to him? Think he can be trusted? 
You take control. You told him basically if he does not go away this goes public, so you left him with a choice? 
Why is this up to him?
Expose this ...now. 
Why protect him from his wife?
Her knowing would be the best way to help guarantee that he goes away.


----------



## digitscd (Oct 22, 2013)

Still no resolution. She refuses to apologize for the conversation saying that there was nothing wrong with it. BTW- I discovered that the guy was really 17 and she was 28 when they had their love tryst. We are seeing the counselor (who said her contacting him and the Facebook conversation was inappropriate) on Tuesday and I want to tell my wife that if she does not apologize and stay away from old f*cks that I will leave or ask her to leave. She is telling everyone that i am trying to control her and that I have mentally abused her (all this started when she had her first emotional affair with a guy 8 years ago). I just want closure so we can move forward but she seems so irrational. I can't move forward without the apology. Am I being too stubborn?


----------



## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

> She refuses to apologize for the conversation saying that there was nothing wrong with it. ... She is telling everyone that *i am trying to control her and that I have mentally abused her* (all this started when she had her first emotional affair with a guy 8 years ago).


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

'Scuse me??? This woman has an affair on you eight years ago (don't care whether it's physical or emotional - she cheated, and that's an affair), and you took her back. She's now on the fast track to another one, and I'm willing to bet she's had brief ones here and there that you didn't know about. And she has the brass ones to claim mental abuse and controlling behavior from YOU??

Sir, you are NOT being stubborn or controlling. You are her HUSBAND, and you have every right to expect her complete love and devotion. She's saying such things because you're calling her out on her selfish behavior - just as a spoiled little kid would. A mature, loving woman would not act this way, nor would she step out on her spouse. If there were needs not being met - and her husband wasn't getting the message - she would divorce him and keep her dignity intact. It's obvious to me your wife has no intention of either changing or working on your marriage.

I don't know how long you've been married, but it doesn't look good from where I (and the other posters) sit. Your wife is a selfish person who's only looking out for Number One - and that's her. I agree with the others: Toss her out (SHE stepped around on you first, so SHE can leave), wish her the best, and find someone who is worthy of you. You deserve much better than this.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bye bye wifey would be my reaction


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I believe a stronger message is in order to help the reality sink in. For me to tell someone on this site to file is a big deal for me but I think that is where this is at this point.


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

So this started out, technically, as a molestation of a minor by your wife? I think she might have a much darker side to her than you have been aware of till now.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

digitscd said:


> I just want closure so we can move forward but she seems so irrational. I can't move forward without the apology.* Am I being too stubborn?*


NO!!! You're being too nice. 

She she openly disrespects you, dates other men, and you only want an apology?

You must be a 'Nice Guy' overall, aren't you? 

You're concerned that she's painting you as the bad guy here.

You think she should just see you as the good man you are, and you can move forward with this. 

Why doesn't she see it this way? Why does she seek out other men? Why does she have so little respect for all you've done for her, over the years? 

Because you don't respect yourself!!!

It's a shame at your age and after all she's put you through, you don't have this figured out. Here are some real answers. No one can't make you read it, but if you do, you will understand. I can't say it will help this marriage. I say it could help you. No More Mr Nice Guy


----------



## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

digitscd said:


> Still no resolution. She refuses to apologize for the conversation saying that there was nothing wrong with it. BTW- I discovered that the guy was really 17 and she was 28 when they had their love tryst. We are seeing the counselor (who said her contacting him and the Facebook conversation was inappropriate) on Tuesday and I want to tell my wife that if she does not apologize and stay away from old f*cks that I will leave or ask her to leave. She is telling everyone that i am trying to control her and that I have mentally abused her (all this started when she had her first emotional affair with a guy 8 years ago). I just want closure so we can move forward but she seems so irrational.* I can't move forward without the apology. Am I being too stubborn?*


Nope, but the way things are you could be in a stand-off for years. As others have said, you need a shocker to break the stalemate. Under no circumstances should you just leave; since you can't force her to leave if she doesn't want to (forget about "asking"), file for D. If this jolts her into reality fine; if not, also fine.


----------



## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

You're being a doormat for a SIXTY year old woman ??? Are you serious ? Time to kick the old chick to the curb and find yourself a 30 year old.


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

digitscd said:


> She doesn't want me to ever bring it up again or she will leave me she says.


If there was ever a bluff that is screaming to be called...


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

digitscd said:


> Still no resolution. She refuses to apologize for the conversation saying that there was nothing wrong with it. BTW- I discovered that the guy was really 17 and she was 28 when they had their love tryst. We are seeing the counselor (who said her contacting him and the Facebook conversation was inappropriate) on Tuesday and I want to tell my wife that if she does not apologize and stay away from old f*cks that I will leave or ask her to leave. *S**he is telling everyone that i am trying to control her and that I have mentally abused her *(all this started when she had her first emotional affair with a guy 8 years ago). I just want closure so we can move forward but she seems so irrational. I can't move forward without the apology. Am I being too stubborn?


Who is she telling this to? What conversations are you having with her about this? This is not good at all. She is trying to rewrite history, blame shift and is looking to get validation outside of the marriage on multiple occasions. Your wife may be beautiful, but she has the self esteem of a zit faced teenager.

Make sure you really think this through. I would highly recommend that you are protecting your best interests.
Forget working on the relationship, as you would be the only one doing that. She is not wanting to. If she loved you, her behavior would be obviously hurtful to you an the marriage and for her to see it any other way means (at least right now) your marriage is over.
She needs to be made to see it this way as well. I would file and serve her, you can easily do this and stop the process if she wakes up. If not, you really need to get away from her before she destroys you emotionally and lies to more people and ruins other relationships for you as well.


----------



## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

digitscd said:


> She is telling everyone that i am trying to control her and that I have mentally abused her (all this started when she had her first emotional affair with a guy 8 years ago).


I wish I could remember who posted it here, but the best response to the "controlling" accusation goes something like this:

You misunderstand. You are free to do whatever you want. However, my wife will not do something like this. If you want to do it, I will take the steps so that you are no longer my wife.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I wish I could remember who posted it here, but the best response to the "controlling" accusation goes something like this:
> 
> You misunderstand. You are free to do whatever you want. However, my wife will not do something like this. If you want to do it, I will take the steps so that you are no longer my wife.


:iagree:

That is the difference between controlling and setting a boundary. Controlling is telling her "You cannot do that". A boundary is "I will not stay in this relationship if you choose to cross certain lines".

Interestingly, she is setting boundaries by saying she will not stay if he brings up the topic again, yet she claims he is being controlling when he sets a boundary.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

digitscd said:


> I discovered that the guy was really 17 and she was 28 when they had their love tryst.


 That is just wrong. A 17 year old is still a kid, while a 28 year old is definitely a real adult. If your wife did that today, in many states she would be arrested for statutory rape. This would be a felony that would make her a registered sex offender for life. She should be ashamed of her past sex with a minor, rather than be cherishing it with pride like she is doing. Your wife has a warped view of the world.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

digitscd said:


> She is telling everyone that i am trying to control her


 Tell anyone that she has told this too, that you have issues with your wife staying in contact with someone that she committed statutory rape with.


----------



## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

digitscd said:


> Am I being too stubborn?


This is all very painful to read... but yes, you are being stubborn...

But I mean stubborn in that you are still trying to hang on to this person. You really need to listen to all this advice you are getting and really go on the offense. You need to blow up this relationship whether you get her in the end or not.

He is obviously crossing lines and needs to have his actions exposed. She is just being the controlling B**** here, not you.

Tall Average Guy is right... You do not have to have a wife who acts like this...


----------



## digitscd (Oct 22, 2013)

They already went to lunch. Then she went to a bar to see the band he plays in.


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Did I just pull a Rip van Winkle or is there a 3 month gap between the last two posts? OP there are some holes to fill in here.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

RClawson said:


> Did I just pull a Rip van Winkle or is there a 3 month gap between the last two posts?


Nah, that's just the speed the OP reacts.


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

So your wife is a cheater who gets mad at you when she gets caught and you're still trying to fix the relationship?

I mean, I've been there, so I know what you're going through, but try to see it from an outsider's perspective.

"Hey my wife was talking on Facebook about screwing a guy a long time ago when she was hotter and sexier. She decided to meet up with him and go out to a bar he was playing at in a band. She got mad at me because I accused her of doing wrong. What can I do to stop this one single inappropriate relationship instead of dealing with the fact that I have a cheating wh*re of a wife with horrible boundaries and no concern about my feelings?"

Your marriage is already over bud, just a matter of time until you figure it out.

If you could work this out, would you really want to? Knowing that at any point in time she's totally cool with reminiscing about old sexscapades and running off to lunch and bars with younger dudes? This probably isn't the first either, wait didn't you already say she had an affair? You must be a glutton for punishment.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

COguy said:


> So your wife is a cheater who gets mad at you when she gets caught and you're still trying to fix the relationship?
> 
> I mean, I've been there, so I know what you're going through, but try to see it from an outsider's perspective.
> 
> ...


It takes longer for some to get out of denial than others.


----------



## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

digitscd said:


> My wife is 60, but she looks like a beauty queen, most people think she is 45. She recently contacted an old friend through Facebook and went to lunch with him. He is 10 years younger. She told me she was going to lunch with him but blew off any concerns by saying in a condescending way that he was 10 years younger and just a guy she knew from a band years ago.
> 
> Suspicious, (she had an emotional affair a few years ago) I read her Facebook messages and apparently they had a summer of love when he was 18 and she was 28. The fact that she hid the relationship from me and also what she did way back when has hurt me (the 18/28). They swapped some stories about the great summer and their special lovemaking, he called her Mrs. R and how special their tender lovemaking was. She was all gushy too.
> 
> She has no intention to sleep with the guy I believe but I have a hard time dealing with this situation. She is furious because I invaded her privacy by reading the exchange on her Facebook. She doesn't want me to ever bring it up again or she will leave me she says. Should I be upset? Advice?


Why would your wife be discussing sex if she had no intention of sleeping with her ex? 

It sounds like she is having another emotional affair and trying to get you to look the other way. She may be meeting him for sex and not for lunch. You have *every right* to be suspicious and upset. If your wife was truly sorry about her EA, she would not be having inappropriate discussions with her ex or making plans to meet him. How disrespectful! 

I disclosed my emotional affair to my husband. Because I know it wounded him deeply, I don't do anything that might make him feel insecure. I had a guy from high school contact me on FB and I immediately told my husband. When this guy started complimenting me and asking me to meet him in hotel bars, I unfriended this pig and showed my husband the messages. My husband hugged me and thanked me for being so honest. We had a good laugh at the messages too. Complete transparency is the way to regaining trust. 

It could be that your wife is craving attention and romance. After you let her know that her behavior is wrong and unacceptable, maybe you can start complimenting her and being romantic. It might make her feel better. My husband asked me why I had an emotional affair and listened very intently to my answer. I told him that I felt lonely in our marriage because he was hard to have a conversation with. It was like pulling teeth; one word answers and constant silence. I was also still angry and hurt about some of my husband's actions around our engagement and wedding. I sacrificed so much to have it blow up in my face. Now my husband and I have great conversations, we laugh all the time and we are renewing our vows next year. 

Be vigilant my friend. Stand your ground with and set some boundaries. Your wife CANNOT see this person again or contact him since the conversations are sexual. She needs to make a choice between you and this guy.


----------

