# My H can't "finish" from bj's?



## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

BJs are kinda a weird issue with us and I guess I've never known who to ask for advice about it. When we were dating, he told me that he didn't like bj's, so he wasn't going to ask me for it. I asked him to at least let me try. So when I did, he LOVED it. He started wanting it a lot. He has loved them ever since. So I know my technique is not bad. He just can't get off from that. He said it takes him a long time to get off from masturbation as well. In fact, during sex, it can take him about 30-45 minutes to get off. 

I'm just wondering if there's anything different I can do in order to get him off orally. I have never been able to do it. He really, really seems to enjoy it a lot, so I know he likes it, but he just can't get off other than PIV or him doing it himself after a long time. It really means a lot to me to be able to do this for him. Thanks!


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

He is masturbating _WAY_ too much.

If he stopped completely, he would probably speed up everything. Blow jobs and having PIV.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Gotta keep trying. It could be a mental block with him too.

My husband was exactly the same. He can now finish. I guess that was our "first" together. I never let anyone finish in my mouth before and he had never been able to finish.


----------



## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

He's overdoing the solo time.

And, a potential note for you (merely a suggestion to consider): occasionally, my wife gets a little too into, "this way, then that way, then this other way, then another way," during oral. Just the other night, I know it led to her frustration that it wasn't "working." It felt great, but the constant change-ups are not conducive to a guy finishing. It's great foreplay, and feels great, but the finishing move needs to be pretty "standard" style, if you will, and just keep at it.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

He's conditioned to not do it. It's nothing you're doing wrong, it's just a lifetime of telling himself whatever he told himself. Whatever strategy you want to employ, it should focus on changing his conditioning. One possibility is to do PIV up to the point of no return, and then jump off and "catch" at the point that he can't avoid doing it. That will show him that you truly do want to have him finish and it may begin to condition him to feel natural finishing that way.

I did a similar thing with my wife. For years and years she could only finish in the cowgirl position. So I started getting her close in that position and then moving her onto her back at the last moment. Now she has no problem finishing that way.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

changedbeliefs said:


> He's overdoing the solo time.
> 
> And, a potential note for you (merely a suggestion to consider): occasionally, my wife gets a little too into, "this way, then that way, then this other way, then another way," during oral. Just the other night, I know it led to her frustration that it wasn't "working." It felt great, but the constant change-ups are not conducive to a guy finishing. It's great foreplay, and feels great, but the finishing move needs to be pretty "standard" style, if you will, and just keep at it.


Very true. Every change in angle or speed or pressure or whatever delays the finish. Changing positions is actually a technique that porn actors use to make their scenes last longer.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

The problem when it takes too long is that the jaw and mouth start to hurt. 

He may start to feel it is taking too long, thinks you are bored, and then gets blocked...he feels pressure.

It doesn't mean he masturbates too much.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

that_girl said:


> The problem when it takes too long is that the jaw and mouth start to hurt.
> 
> He may start to feel it is taking too long, thinks you are bored, and then gets blocked...he feels pressure.
> 
> It doesn't mean he masturbates too much.


I stand by my statement.

It isn't just blow jobs that are taking this long. She said it takes that long for him to finish with PIV and even when he is masturbating.

He is probably desensitized from a strong grip, and too much solo time.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea. I don't know his masturbation schedule lol.

I'm just saying it's not always about too much.


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I stand by my statement.
> 
> It isn't just blow jobs that are taking this long. She said it takes that long for him to finish with PIV and even when he is masturbating.
> 
> He is probably desensitized from a strong grip, and too much solo time.


It's a very good possibility Curious, but I haven't MB'd or looked at porn in a year (ok like 3 times ) and it takes me a while too. 45 min of PIV is pretty standard. It hasn't always been that way. A BJ has always been hard for me. It can happen but it takes a while. I usually end up thinking that she must be getting tired of it. It feels amazing and I absolutely love it, but it's just hard to finish.


----------



## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I stand by my statement.
> 
> It isn't just blow jobs that are taking this long. She said it takes that long for him to finish with PIV and even when he is masturbating.
> 
> He is probably desensitized from a strong grip, and too much solo time.


I know he masturbated a lot as a teenager (he is 21 now), does that mean he will always have this problem?

I will ask him to stop masturbating, he claims he doesn't do it that much but he probably says that because he is embarrassed about it.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

45 minutes of PIV to finish?

I would die. My vagina would die.


----------



## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

that_girl said:


> The problem when it takes too long is that the jaw and mouth start to hurt.
> 
> He may start to feel it is taking too long, thinks you are bored, and then gets blocked...he feels pressure.
> 
> It doesn't mean he masturbates too much.


I will talk to him to see if this is an issue as well.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

ariel_angel77 said:


> I know he masturbated a lot as a teenager (he is 21 now), does that mean he will always have this problem?
> 
> I will ask him to stop masturbating, he claims he doesn't do it that much but he probably says that because he is embarrassed about it.


People masturbate. Don't ask/tell him to stop. It won't happen. He'll just hide it. IT's normal.

But talk about it in relation to his other things in sex. Does he tell you what he likes when you are down there? It took a while for me to really figure out what makes it happen for my H. Now it's a sure shot (no pun lol). But if it takes 30 minutes, that's way too long for my jaw. 

Masturbation isn't a problem until it's taking away from your sex life. He's still young. You two are passionate and he still wants you sexually? I don't think masturbation is the problem.

I saw this because my husband does not masturbate. I never believed some men don't masturbate...but apparently he is one. After 7 years and many times asking him about it, he just shrugs and says "Hate to disappoint, but I don't do that. " I used to laugh and say, uh huh  but in 7 years, there's been no hint to it, no catching him. Nada. lol. And still it took FOREVER with a bj. Oye. During PIV he is rather quick which doesn't bother me because the foreplay is good.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Lots of things can cause him to not finish as you want him to.

solo time
mental blocks
not the right kid of BJ stimulation
someone pressuring him to finish, etc.
medical issues such as diabetes or ED.


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

that_girl said:


> 45 minutes of PIV to finish?
> 
> I would die. My vagina would die.


Ok, I might have spoken too soon about 45 minutes. To me it feels more like 30 minutes but she says it's 45 most times. I've never actually timed it so I'm not sure. 

I actually do worry that I'm taking too long and going to put her off sex. But she claims it's all good. Guess it's a good thing I'm not a giant. lol


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I Don't Know said:


> It's a very good possibility Curious, but I haven't MB'd or looked at porn in a year (ok like 3 times ) and it takes me a while too. 45 min of PIV is pretty standard. It hasn't always been that way. A BJ has always been hard for me. It can happen but it takes a while. I usually end up thinking that she must be getting tired of it. It feels amazing and I absolutely love it, but it's just hard to finish.


You and that_girl are right. Too much masturbating isn't the only cause for taking too long, but I would say it is the most common.

The only way to know for sure is to ask him, and hope that he is honest about it.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If she likes it, then that's all that matters. I just would die lol


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

that_girl said:


> I saw this because my husband does not masturbate. I never believed some men don't masturbate...but apparently he is one. After 7 years and many times asking him about it, he just shrugs and says "Hate to disappoint, but I don't do that. " I used to laugh and say, uh huh  but in 7 years, there's been no hint to it, no catching him. Nada. lol. And still it took FOREVER with a bj. Oye. During PIV he is rather quick which doesn't bother me because the foreplay is good.



My husband doesn't masturbate either... So I totally understand you.


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> You and that_girl are right. Too much masturbating isn't the only cause for taking too long, *but I would say it is the most common*.
> 
> The only way to know for sure is to ask him, and hope that he is honest about it.


I would probably agree with that.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DH's reasons when he used to take forever:

-I kept feeling like I was going to fart so I got distracted
-I got a weird cramp in my buttcheek and I got distracted
-you weren't making a lot of noise so I starting worrying you weren't into it bc usually you're noisy


When we first got together and he was coming off a VERY long dry spell where he only masturbated he had a lot of trouble with his orgasms. 

There are so many things that can keep a man from ending in a reasonable time frame. But I've found the more I show how enthusiastic I am about sex,the easier he gets off.

Maybe he just needs some variety in positions or something?

ETA I've grilled DH about his masturbatory habits bc hey,I masturbate when Im home from work and he's not home...so I encouraged him to be open about his habits..he swears he doesn't bc he doesn't need to.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

That_girl is right. Asking him to stop may just make him hide it. If your going to bring it up, please be kind and delicate about it. Don't make him feel bad/shamed.

You might try something like, "Honey, I know how much you love blow jobs, and there is something I would like to try out. I think we should save any sexual release for a few days, and then this weekend we can have the best sex ever after all this tension is built up. It will be fun to tease each other."

Kind of corny, but something along those lines. Make it about you wanting to try something, not him doing something wrong.


----------



## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

that_girl said:


> People masturbate. Don't ask/tell him to stop. It won't happen. He'll just hide it. IT's normal.
> 
> But talk about it in relation to his other things in sex. Does he tell you what he likes when you are down there? It took a while for me to really figure out what makes it happen for my H. Now it's a sure shot (no pun lol). But if it takes 30 minutes, that's way too long for my jaw.
> 
> ...


Great advice. I don't mind him masturbating at all, I know it's normal and healthy. 

During the bj, he seems like he really enjoys it. He doesn't tell me, but I kinda take cues from the noises he makes the most from certain things that I do. He's really bad (and embarrassed) and telling me what he likes. Maybe I do need to find that one thing that he likes the most. It's kinda hard when he's too embarrassed to talk about it haha. I just asked him what I could do differently during a bj to make him finish but he just said "I wouldn't even try, that would take like two hours lol" We were both pretty sexually inexperienced before each other so we don't really know how to talk about it or do things differently.

Also, I liked the advice from the person telling me to try the same motion at the end in order for him to climax.


----------



## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> DH's reasons when he used to take forever:
> 
> -I kept feeling like I was going to fart so I got distracted
> -I got a weird cramp in my buttcheek and I got distracted
> ...


I didn't even think about that. I don't make noise during bj, (I'm embarrassed to make noise) but when I do it during PIV it's what makes him finish faster. I will try that for sure. And good idea with the positions.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

All this embarrassment from married people!

I know you're young, but stop it.  Noise is part of sex. It's a turn on. It will amp things up.

How are you embarrassed about doing something you're doing? Talk about sex, make sounds. The sounds bring it to life.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Noise is a must for a lot of people. I LOVE hearing DH. DH says "the louder the better,sexy" lol I tease him and tell him he wants the neighbors to think he's murdering me.


----------



## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

My husband had the same problem. I can go for quite awhile but a 45-50 min blowjob stretches my limits. I quite enjoy making him happy but that's just too much for me! 

Eventually, we fixed it through my determined and fervent dedication to my craft lol. 

1. He changed his grip when masturbating to very loose. Before he had the classic Death Grip. 

2. We finished intercourse with a blowjob. It made him feel like he could orgasm from my mouth. That got him over the idea that he couldn't orgasm from a blowjob. 

3. When I want him to finish, I concentrate very hard on sustained and continuous motion. Whatever movement/motion/sensation he likes the most, I do it over and over again toward the end. 

4. Patience. I can get him off in less than 3 minutes now but that took SO MUCH practice. Changing his grip and letting the sensitivity come back definitely dropped the average time by more than half but we still had to condition him and his penis to the sensations of a bj.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Quiet sex (unless quiet so you aren't caught by the kids) seems rather sad to me. I remember being shy when I was 21...but honestly, you're married, learn to not be embarrassed by noises. It will make things better for you too.

Sex is primal. No need for embarrassment.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

we like talking

OP,try saying something naughty quietly in your husband's ear while he's trying to O...I bet it gets him going fast


----------



## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

AnnieAsh said:


> My husband had the same problem. I can go for quite awhile but a 45-50 min blowjob stretches my limits. I quite enjoy making him happy but that's just too much for me!
> 
> Eventually, we fixed it through my determined and fervent dedication to my craft lol.
> 
> ...


:allhail:

LOVE this advice!


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I think it's easy for ladies to forget that for some men orgasms are very much a mental thing...just like our orgasms. Not all guys can stick it in,jiggle it a time or two and explode fantastically. They need the foreplay,the noise,the enthusiasm and the ability to focus.


----------



## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

You guys are right. There's no need to be embarrassed or quiet. Sex is supposed to be fun and passionate. I'll try not to hold back anymore.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Lube up your finger and put it in his butt. 

I'm not joking.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Lube up your finger and put it in his butt.
> 
> I'm not joking.


 Yes! although this is a 50/50 chance. Some men love it, others are like "wtf!" (Like my husband) and it's a boner killer. lol.

But the noise making could help. Even when you're giving a bj. It will turn him on hearing you.


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

All the above advice plus perhaps some warming oil and a vibrator.


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

AnnieAsh said:


> My husband had the same problem. I can go for quite awhile but a 45-50 min blowjob stretches my limits. I quite enjoy making him happy but that's just too much for me!
> 
> *Eventually, we fixed it through my determined and fervent dedication to my craft lol. *
> 
> ...


Annie, you're a smart girl. 
No wonder you were blessed with twins


----------



## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> *I think it's easy for ladies to forget that for some men orgasms are very much a mental thing.*..just like our orgasms. Not all guys can stick it in,jiggle it a time or two and explode fantastically. They need the foreplay,the noise,the enthusiasm and the ability to focus.


I couldn't agree more that for many men, the mental aspects of orgasms cannot be ignored. My wife and I have oral sex frequently. However, if I look to orgasm that way, it is generally done by her using her hand at the very end. On the very few occasions where she let me cum in her mouth, I had a very hard time doing it. I had conditioned myself to not let go while still in her mouth. I eventually got over this but it took a lot of effort and concentration on my part to make it happen. The issue is compounded for me in that going in her mouth is a fairly rare event. If it were to happen tonight (no chance...just an example), I doubt if I would be able to let myself go.

Another thing to consider is to use your hands. I know that Cosmo and other magazine articles will try to portray no-hands bj's as the ultimate in oral sex. I couldn't disagree more. While you have your mouth on him, use BOTH of your hands to massage his balls (and maybe even a little further south) while at the same time going up and down on the shaft. As he nears the end, do as others suggest and maintain the rhythm and don't vary anything. Use both of your hands wrapped around the shaft and in contact with your mouth while you go up and down to form a longer "tunnel" and to provide more friction. Keep this up for a minute or two and BAM! That's all she wrote.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

AnnieAsh said:


> My husband had the same problem. I can go for quite awhile but a 45-50 min blowjob stretches my limits. I quite enjoy making him happy but that's just too much for me!
> 
> Eventually, we fixed it through my determined and fervent dedication to my craft lol.
> 
> ...


You almost sound like a golf pro 

But seriously, good advice!


----------



## SeekingEcstasy (Jun 20, 2014)

Annie Ash hit it and the advice about using your hands is good and PIV switched to BJ is good. Also, avoid touching him with teeth. It is a different sensation that can break the spell. He would probably enjoy your tounge in forward and back and left and right motions on the tender V shaped spot just past the head. Perhaps finish with forward and back, some suction, and a tight grip on the shaft. I had the same problem all my life until near 60. It will take conditioning and practice, practice, practice.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
While premature ejaculation is often mentioned, delayed ejaculation is a pretty common problem for men as well. It can range from just being slow to finish, to never being able to. 

While there can be physical causes, like PE it is often just a stress issue. Is it possible he is feeling "pressured" to finish because he knows that you are getting tired and want him to?


----------



## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

I'm not sure, I mean he says it takes a long time for him to get off from masturbation as well. 

The only times he gets off really quickly are when I'm making a lot of noise or doing dirty talk.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

that_girl said:


> People masturbate. Don't ask/tell him to stop. It won't happen. He'll just hide it. IT's normal.
> 
> But talk about it in relation to his other things in sex. Does he tell you what he likes when you are down there? It took a while for me to really figure out what makes it happen for my H. Now it's a sure shot (no pun lol). But if it takes 30 minutes, that's way too long for my jaw.
> 
> Masturbation isn't a problem until it's taking away from your sex life. He's still young. You two are passionate and he still wants you sexually? I don't think masturbation is the problem.


I masterbated as a teen too. In my adult years, I could get intimate contact at will, so there was no need to masterbate. Sex feels SOOO MUCH BETTER in comparison, so why would you?



that_girl said:


> I saw this because my husband does not masturbate. I never believed some men don't masturbate...but apparently he is one. After 7 years and many times asking him about it, he just shrugs and says "Hate to disappoint, but I don't do that. " I used to laugh and say, uh huh  but in 7 years, there's been no hint to it, no catching him. Nada. lol. And still it took FOREVER with a bj. Oye. During PIV he is rather quick which doesn't bother me because the foreplay is good.


Perhaps your hubby is so satisfied with the sex he gets from you that he has no need to masterbate. If he wants some he'll just come get some rather than masterbate.


----------



## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Would guys rather just have sex than get a BJ as well?


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ariel_angel77 said:


> Would guys rather just have sex than get a BJ as well?


Not necessarily.

A BJ is a change of pace from a guy who gets lot of sex. However if all I was getting was BJ's I prefer to have regular sex instead.


----------



## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

ariel_angel77 said:


> Would guys rather just have sex than get a BJ as well?


** N O ! ! ** 

All good advice here, most notably not being silent! 
Let your 'inner freak' go with him, and watch his reaction. You have your own proof from when you are noisy during PIV...

Every woman I have ever been with has asked me "What turns you in the most?", and every one of them has heard the same answer: what turns me on is knowing that YOU are turned on.

One note -- just be sure not to let it sound fake. Nothing worse than being with an actress... even though the intent is good, it makes it worse. And... Working yourself at the same time, if you can, is an awesome way to show him that turn-on... like you can't help yourself...

Also remember to count your blessings. You could have the opposite problem!


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I'm so sick of masturbators.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Zatol Ugot? said:


> I couldn't agree more that for many men, the mental aspects of orgasms cannot be ignored. My wife and I have oral sex frequently. However, if I look to orgasm that way, it is generally done by her using her hand at the very end. On the very few occasions where she let me cum in her mouth, I had a very hard time doing it. I had conditioned myself to not let go while still in her mouth. I eventually got over this but it took a lot of effort and concentration on my part to make it happen. The issue is compounded for me in that going in her mouth is a fairly rare event. If it were to happen tonight (no chance...just an example), I doubt if I would be able to let myself go.
> 
> Another thing to consider is to use your hands. I know that Cosmo and other magazine articles will try to portray no-hands bj's as the ultimate in oral sex. I couldn't disagree more. While you have your mouth on him, use BOTH of your hands to massage his balls (and maybe even a little further south) while at the same time going up and down on the shaft. As he nears the end, do as others suggest and maintain the rhythm and don't vary anything. Use both of your hands wrapped around the shaft and in contact with your mouth while you go up and down to form a longer "tunnel" and to provide more friction. Keep this up for a minute or two and BAM! That's all she wrote.


Well sir...

I disagree with you. A MINORITY of women have the ability to allow a penis, even of sufficient size to penetrate and bury to the root in their throat.

So their throat forms the tunnel that a woman who has to use hands gets.

These women can tighten or loosen the tunnel too if they want.


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Noise is a must for a lot of people. I LOVE hearing DH. DH says "the louder the better,sexy" lol I tease him and tell him he wants the neighbors to think he's murdering me.


I fully agree. No noise and the guys starts to wonder what he is doing wrong. If it feels good, TELL him! 

As far as him having trouble cuming...well you need to try kinkier stuff. The orgasm is part penis, part brain. You need to work the brain part overtime, because the penis part is impaired somehow. Wear a lot of sexy lingerie, get some sex toys, find out what DOES get him going. Be creative. It might take just as long, but it will not all be about a BJ or Hand job, you will be doing other stuff like tying him up, etc.


----------



## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

The comment about changing your movement or positioning is spot on. You must have noticed this when the guy is giving you attention: once someone finds the right spot and action/movement, keep doing that! 

I would rarely 'finish' from a BJ for these same reasons, the woman would keep changing or stopping.

Something I found is that 69ing helped me... I'm not just lying there enjoying it, I'm an active participant and can feel her response as I'm getting her off too. It's an amazing experience when you're both furiously oralling (I can't think of a better word) the other, each feeding off the other's energy and arousal.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

If your old man can't finish from a BJ, I have a suggestion.

Have him abstain from masterbation and from orgasming in PIV sexual intercourse. His only outlet for finishing will be oral.

If he can not break the rules he will eventually finish.

Some men do have a complex in finishing in their womans mouth, like they feel ashamed or that they are degrading her.


----------

