# Feeling bad about it??



## NotSoSureYet (Nov 10, 2011)

Anyone else feel really bad about initiating your D? I do. It's not that I want to turn it around, because I think of all the positives and negatives........and the negatives just totally outweigh any hope for R now. 
Is me feeling horrible just a sign that I do have a conscience?? I know I have a good heart. just had to ask others that are walking the same walk here.
Thanks! :scratchhead:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I don't know your back story with your marriage and I can't relate as I wasn't the one to file. 

It does take two to make a marriage...two that want it to work. If one doesnt want to and tells you they want out, there is nothing there anymore.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I initiated as well. What helps me is to fully support the healing process that my wife is going through. I am compassionate, caring, and the source of the hurt all at the same time. These roles conflict, as they would in any situation. But with a foundation of respect, I make it work. It sounds like you are experiencing guilt, which is a useless emotion. It does nothing for you, and nothing for anyone else. Dump it now! Filing has consequences, for all involved. This is what you are feeling. The realization that the wheel of consequences has been put in motion, and it can bring many unknowns (positive and negative). Focus on the known positive consequences that were part of your decision making process, and look forward to realizing them and more! The negatives don't deserve attention. They will drain your spirit of all energy. Anything you don't see as a clear positive is really an opportunity for you to act to transform it into a positive.

For example, when someone cries at a funeral, it's a sad moment. Yet, we tend to want to hug that person to change that mindset into letting them know that we care and they are loved, even though we can not change the fact that there has been a death. The death is history. The hug is now, and it's positive.

If you ever find the instruction manual for living, share it. Because so far, one does not exist that fits everyone. We have to make our own, and add to it every day.


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