# Sex in marriage



## Nemodemo (Oct 22, 2020)

I have been married for almost 4 years, 
I'm very passionate and I have much desire but I don't feel that my wife has the same passion.
I like sex much but for her she doesn't consider important, I feel lonely and wa to share my desire and hungriness with woman.
We having sex 1 time per month but also that one time doesn't fulfill my desire.
She hates oral sex as she says it's disgusting. 
I dunno what to do.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Nemodemo said:


> I dunno what to do.


You have two basic choices.

Behind door #1 is having once-a-month sex for as long as she doesn't find it completely disgusting, and have no sex ever again.

Behiind door #2 is packing your stuff up, get a divorce, and find a woman who wants to have sex with you.

I believe your wife is failing to honor her marriage commitments, and that her actions could be considered, in the long term, abandonment. 4 years is long enough. Ain't gonna happen.....

As far as getting your wife to have the passion and desire, you can read self-help books, go to "seminars" which charge you a lot of money for a watercress sandwich and listen to somebody tell you how it's all your fault, you can spice-up your marriage by washing the dishes 3 nights a week....but, from my perspective, all that is 100% horse$hit, a waste of your time and your money. BTDT. Doesn't work. There's not even a T-shirt.....



Nemodemo said:


> one time doesn't fulfill my desire.


Right. And, it never will. A person either is attracted to you, and wants to have sex with you, or they aren't. Just that simple.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Nemodemo said:


> I have been married for almost 4 years,
> I'm very passionate and I have much desire but I don't feel that my wife has the same passion.
> I like sex much but for her she doesn't consider important, I feel lonely and wa to share my desire and hungriness with woman.
> We having sex 1 time per month but also that one time doesn't fulfill my desire.
> ...


Does your wife know how you feel? Have you expressed this to her? Sexual compatibility is crucial for the success of a marriage. When I hear stories like this I realize there is another side to the story and there might be a reason she is not interested. However, I can tell you that when two people are compatible sexually the fire is unstoppable. That draw and that desire is there regardless. After 4 years of marriage she doesn't have desire and thinks oral sex is disgusting? I have a feeling this is not going to get better with time.


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## Nemodemo (Oct 22, 2020)

AVR1962 said:


> Does your wife know how you feel? Have you expressed this to her? Sexual compatibility is crucial for the success of a marriage. When I hear stories like this I realize there is another side to the story and there might be a reason she is not interested. However, I can tell you that when two people are compatible sexually the fire is unstoppable. That draw and that desire is there regardless. After 4 years of marriage she doesn't have desire and thinks oral sex is disgusting? I have a feeling this is not going to get better with time.


Regarding the oral sex, she doesn't give or receive since we got married not lately.
I didnt speak with her but I appears that there is something not going well in relation, I do help her , I cook and clean and I go shopping . I buy flowers in random times . She told me one time that I know you feel boring having sex with me, I just denied to not break her feeling.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

What was your sex life like with her before you got married?

I'd opt for divorce. This isn't going to improve.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your VERY early in marriage. Are you from Egypt ? Divorce may be difficult where you are from. I’m not sure about your marriage rules and culture.


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

TJW said:


> You have two basic choices.
> 
> Behind door #1 is having once-a-month sex for as long as she doesn't find it completely disgusting, and have no sex ever again.
> 
> ...


I don't know. My wife isn't comfortable with oral sex either and I respect that. We still have great sex in other ways. One cannot force things onto their spouse. We are all different and shouldn't have to do things we hate within reason.


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## 347055 (Nov 7, 2020)

No doubt I am living in the past, but reading this thread and others, I always thought that sexual intimacy with one lifetime partner is why we marry in the first place. If either party to the implied contract decides they aren't interested in maintaining the relationship at any time, then the "marriage" is already over and the two should part company, hopefully before children arrive. That is sooner, not later. I suppose sometimes these issues aren't solved before marriage, maybe the couple weren't clear with one another that marriage is at it's core a sexual relationship. I don't understand going through years of misery to preserve what?

And of course, major illness can throw a monkey wrench into a relationship. But not being physically capable is way different than not wanting to be intimate with a lifetime partner.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Nemodemo said:


> Regarding the oral sex, she doesn't give or receive since we got married not lately.
> *I didnt speak with her but I appears that there is something not going well in relation, * I do help her , I cook and clean and I go shopping . I buy flowers in random times . *She told me one time that I know you feel boring having sex with me, I just denied to not break her feeling.*


A few thoughts. First husbands and wives learn to communicate extremely well during marriage. If you are both in tune with each other she knows exactly what you are thinking by your tone of voice, facial expressions and even body language. YOU KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP, because she has told you either verbally or non-verbally. Man-up and deal with the problem, it will not go away by itself.

Understand that you have hurt her emotionally. She KNOWS that you don't like the sex the two of you are having. She can read your tone of voice, facial expressions, enthusiasm, and body language. Now imagine you are in bed with someone an you know they really don't care about having sex with you. Would that inspire you to have great sex with them, or just roll over and put sex off for another month. Do you start to see where you might be part of the problem?

I was in a sex starved marriage. I felt I was the victim being married to an ice queen who literally told me she never wanted to have sex with me again. Ultimately, I started to read every relationship book I could. I stumbled upon a few that really helped me heal and improve myself. Your reading assignment is Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy, and MW Davis the Sex Starved Marriage. You need to Get a Life (code words for becoming a more confident, less needy, manly man). You also need to stop being a "Nice Guy," which is also code words for someone who believes he should make women happy, who does covert contracts with them (your cooking, cleaning, shopping and flowers. I was a Nice Guy until I realized that was a big problem in my sex starved marriage. The opposite of a Nice Guy is not being a jerk, but being an integrated man who is proud of himself.

Good luck.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Tony Conrad said:


> I don't know. My wife isn't comfortable with oral sex either and I respect that. We still have great sex in other ways. One cannot force things onto their spouse. We are all different and shouldn't have to do things we hate within reason.


"Shouldn't have to do things we hate" must also include, doing without sex and sexual things that we find exciting...


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Nemodemo said:


> Regarding the oral sex, she doesn't give or receive since we got married not lately.
> I didnt speak with her but I appears that there is something not going well in relation, I do help her , I cook and clean and I go shopping . I buy flowers in random times . She told me one time that I know you feel boring having sex with me, I just denied to not break her feeling.


How were things before you got married?
Why did you choose to get married?
Do you both work?
What does she enjoy doing?
What do you enjoy doing?
What conversations about married life did you have before you got married?
Do you feel you have similar notions of privacy? Is it possible you're more open and assume the same with her, but it could be that she holds back a lot?


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