# Advice for someone about to ask H to move out?



## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

Me and my husband have been having problems basically right from the start of our now 2 year marriage. We've gone to marriage counseling, only about 5 or 6 times, but I decided that I didn't want to go anymore, because every time we'd walk in there, and when the counselor asked us how we were it was the same response: "we're good, but nothing has changed." 
See, we have a relationship where we can laugh and have fun together, but as soon as we talk about our issues (trust, money, responsibilites, etc) it turns into a fight. 

Unfortunately my husband has also been diagnosed with PTSD and has started seeing a counselor for that. The MC though, gave me the impression (with my husband sitting there), that he should still be aware of his reactions to things, and that I need not feel responsible for his anger, or that I should have to put up with his harsh attitude. I now, no longer want to put up with his bad attitude and hatred towards eveything. I still feel guilty for even wanting to ask him to leave. 

I feel that I'm a relatively easy person to get along with, and nice. He has a very quick temper, and can turn into an a-hole simply because I ask him how he's feeling. For example, almost on a daily basis, when he picks me up from work (because we share one car) I'll ask him "how was your day?" to which his response is usually: "FINE. WHY DO YOU ASK ME THAT EVERY DAY? YOU'RE JUST PISSING ME OFF!" he gets so mad. 
We could make really good friends, or maybe even roommates. But not MATES. It's like we are okay on the surface, but there is no intimacy (except for hello and goodbye kisses, and a hug maybe every other day... there is no sex (at least for the past 4 months, no cuddling, nothing). 

Last night we went to a wedding, and listening to how in love this couple was, made me realize how much I didn't even want to be sitting next to my H. 

I've decided to just ask for a divorce. I've tried, and I realize I do care for him, but I'm plain just not happy. And I dont' want to live like this anymore. It'll be lonely without him, but why should we stay unhappy anymore? 

I've decided i'm just oging to say something like "Listen, I love you and care about you, but I'm just not happy. You've known this for awhile now, and we've tried to work on it, but it just isn't working. I want you to move out." 

I unfortunately have to ask him to move out, becuase the house is in my name. Is one week to move out reasonable? He can move in with his parents I think. Or one of his sisters. 

I'm a little afraid that he'll trash my house or beat up my dogs, but i'm prepared to bring my dog somewhere so he's safe for the next week or so, and will probably pack up some belongings to bring to a friends until after he's moved out and the locks are changed. Other than that, concerning my house, I can only hope he doesn't do anything, and will have to take legal action later if he does. 

any advice from anyone on this? I'm so scared, and feel so guilty. But it's something that I just have to do before I wait any longer. I'm just too exhausted to go through this anymore. =(


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why'd you marry him? Was he always this way?

Best thing you can do is just bust it out and say it. There's really no good time...


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## hunter_aussie (Nov 7, 2011)

If you're concerned about the dogs, absolutely remove them for the week. Maybe yourself too it sounds like if you think he is capable of doing all that. Maybe a week is too long for him to hang around and get mad every day all over? Is there someone who can stay in the house with you, brother/dad/uncle etc?
Don't feel guilty for following your heart and believing you deserve to be happy


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## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

Thank you for the kind words hunter... I've thought about staying with someone but am not ready to tell my family or friends, especially right before the holiday.... I actually did tell him move out a few days ago. He just said okay. Strangely enough he's been okay around the house... not in a rush to move out though. And what's worse, I think I'm going to have to give him a deadline for moving out. But he's off from work tomorrow, so here's to hoping he'll be gone when I get home from work tomorrow. 

that-girl: When I married him, it wasn't like this. I mean, back then, we were at least happy to see each other. This isn't really at all like how we were before, just 2 short years ago. =(


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