# Wife Mad Because I Have An Attorney



## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

Background - My wife hired an attorney and filed for divorce against me a couple weeks ago.

My wife kind of flipped out last night. Obviously she hired an attorney and filed papers against me asking for a LOT - really lopsided in her favor. She kept telling me he was "our" attorney even though I told her that isn't how it works. I actually called "our" attorney and he was really rude to me and told me that he was NOT our attorney but was my wife's attorney only. I told her this.

She tells me that she wants to work it out peacefully and do an un-contested divorce. I told her that she needs to make this all go away if we are going to work it out because I have to respond on the 20th and the 28th and there isn't enough time to be done working it out by then. She said that she had already told her attorney to strike everything but didn't know why he hadn't done it yet. Her attorney told me that she never told him that.

A couple days later she gave me a letter stating that she had asked her attorney again to strike anything with a date or response time on it. She typed it up and had it notarized and everything. My attorney looked it up and found no such action filed. Even now four days later - nothing.

I mentioned last night something about my attorney and she flipped out. She was mad that I hired an attorney and told me that I promised that I wouldn't if she gave me that letter (actually the letter was her idea - I wanted everything withdrawn). I told her that I had to have an attorney because I have to respond to her petition and I need an attorney to do that for me. I also need an attorney to draft or review our settlement if we can ever come to an agreement. She told me that I don't need to respond any more because she had taken care of it. I told her that it was too important to just rely on that and that if I didn't respond that the judge would give her everything she asked for by default. Then she got really emotional and kept saying that proves I don't trust her. She then went and locked herself in her closet and cried. I followed her back there and tried again to explain it to her rationally. All she kept saying was that I don't trust her and that I need to show her that I trust her.

This is really weird. I wonder if her attorney is really doing anything. I wonder is her plan all along was to get me to not respond. How can she get so pissed off just because I hire an attorney. I know her attorney made a really big deal about the guy I hired and told her about how good he is and how much he costs, etc, etc. She is really un-nerved by it. 

Do you think she is trying to hood-wink me? It sure seems like it. It will be interesting to see if he really does withdraw anything or if he doesn't what her explanation will be. Very fishy to me.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Frankly, it sounds like she's a little unstable. She's mad at you for hiring an attorney, but she's the one that did it first. She can't make sense that she gave you a notarized letter but her attorney hasn't acted on it yet. Somebody is lying, either the attorney or her. Should be pretty easy to get to the bottom of it.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Unless the two of you met with "her" attorney TOGETHER and hired him TOGETHER, he is her attorney. Attorney/client privilege applies here. He can not discuss the divorce nor advise you on the divorce. He represents her interests only. Therefore, you will need your own attorney. Or, perhaps she needs to drop her attorney and both of you work with a mediator.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

You need to meet with your wife and her (maybe your) attorney. Ask the lawyer again, when your wife is present, is he your lawyer? As well as hers? Ask him to withdraw what your wife said he was withdrawing. This meeting should explain if your wife was lying or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> You need to meet with your wife and her (maybe your) attorney. Ask the lawyer again, when your wife is present, is he your lawyer? As well as hers? Ask him to withdraw what your wife said he was withdrawing. This meeting should explain if your wife was lying or not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would be careful doing this. I had also included this as part of my original response but removed it (see editing note) because it COULD be used against you if your wife turns around later and says you forced or intimidated her to go to her attorney with you and say those things.

In my opinion, let your attorney handle things from now on.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Probably right. This meeting ( the three of you) should have happened when he was originally hired.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I honestly think she was scamming on you, hoping that if she just fed you some lines you would do what she wanted and she would just be able to walk away with everything she wanted. 

I am sorry, but crying in the closet because you hired an attorney AFTER her? Emotional blackmail in my book. trying to make you feel bad so you will feel sorry for her and just let her have whatever she wants. Keep your head in the game and let your attorney do what he does.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

She started a fight and thought she could buffalo you, but mr reality has set in and she is scared, as she should be. Bad idea to start fights you don't intend to end.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Regardless of her emotional reasoning you need to protect your interests unless you like losing everything. Men get the shaft because in the interest of being decent human beings we let our ex's destroy us financially. Don't let yourself get screwed.

Remember there is life after divorce. You shouldn't have to live in cardboard box while she lives in your old house with her new boyfriend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

The initial papers should be something called Complaint for Divorce and Summons to answer Complaint. These documents are the ones that require a certain amount of time (in Hawaii 20 days) to sign and respond to the complaint.

Read the Complaint for Divorce document carefully and respond as you see fit. Do Not Sign unless you understand what has been checked off in this document.

Do NOT sign anything until you have read and UNDERSTAND everything stated in the Divorce Decree that follows.

This is usually where everything is laid out and details such things as: Child Custody, What to do with the Real Estate Property, Division of Personal Property, What to do with the current Debts, any retirement benefits (if applicable), Child Support and/or Alimony

If you do not UNDERSTAND or AGREE with ANY parts of it, this is where you attorney will come into play and to have the thing re-written.

Whatever you do, DO NOT SIGN the paper if there is ANYTHING there that you disagree with. Once signed, it becomes FINAL and cannot be omitted. REGARDLESS of what your wife says or promises.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

I know not to sign anything or take her at her word for anything. I have an attorney and from what I am told is a really good one. I think her attorney told her the same about him which has her rattled a little bit. And whoever above mentioned that she might be unstable - she is defiantly unstable. Even our marriage counselor says this. Negotiating with her on the terms of our agreement is a real challenge because she goes emotional about two minutes into every discussion and starts getting dramatic. I told her last night that the joint checking account was closed before I was served with divorce papers. She didn't like that. She can't seems to get over some things are going to change now that she has filed for divorce. It's like she still wants all the benefits of being married and still expects me to be there for her in the future to take care of her problems.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Mike188 said:


> She can't seems to get over some things are going to change now that she has filed for divorce. It's like she still wants all the benefits of being married and still expects me to be there for her in the future to take care of her problems.


Of course. She is the kind of woman who feels she is entitled to have her STBXH turned into her indentured servant.

You'd be wise also to click on the link below my signature titled "dadsdivorce.com: Lessons Learned - Before and During".


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