# Daughter smokes pot, ex won't help



## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

Well, here I find myself back in the same position I was ever in when married to the ex. She undermines any form of discipline I attempt to enforce. Contrary to the decree, the ex won't require my daughter to come and visit me on my weekends or Wednesday nights. My daughter has spent exactly one night in my house since the divorce 2 years ago. So now I found out my daughter is smoking pot. I strongly object to this and resent my money going to fund murderous Mexican drug lords. Yes, I smoked when I was younger, but I also crapped my pants when I was a baby, but I none the less taught my kids not to do so.

I e-mailed the ex about all this, and she seems to think that since my daughter keeps her grades up and is a nice social person that none of this matters, or it's my fault she won't visit, because I want to enforce discipline on her or at least tell her there are consequences to her actions. "Nice" is defined as "able to deceive most people you know into thinking you are good" just the same as her mother does. The ex's pattern of behavior is to give her whatever she wants with no strings attached.

So I'm thinking it's time to lawyer up and play hardball. Opinions?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This is why marijuana has to be legalised, it's actually very mild compared to alcohol/tobacco etc. Unfortunately it's pushed hard underground. I also find it quite interesting that nowadays at least here in Australia, school kids all grow up with pot, then get into the booze scene once they turn 18. They smoke more pot because as it's underground, it's much more accessible then regulated sells of alcohol or tobacco. Irony really.


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Don't really know how you're going to go about this. I sympathize because my husband's ex is the same way. Since the divorce, both of them have been playing, good cop/bad cop with their children. The problem is, nobody wants to play bad cop. Their children is playing them against each other, and they are constantly trying to play the cool parent role and the children senses this. I think your wife knows that your daughter is screwing herself up, but she won't admit to it with you because it will seem to say that she is doing something wrong in raising your child.
My advice is to sit your daughter down, and tell her that as much as it hurts you, if she continues to destroy herself, you would not want anything to do with her. it's tough, I know, I know. But I think it's important to show your child how to make a stand or it will be a vicious cycle...with your daughter calling the shots, and you as the parent watching her go on a downward spiral. Pot today, what next tomorrow?


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Are you saying you have email proof that she isn't abiding by the decree AND that she's refusing to punish her weed smoking daughter because she gets good grades? If you're interested in custody, it sounds like you have a great chance. Otherwise, I don't see much you can do. Your wife is going to be the fun one whether you like it or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> Are you saying you have email proof that she isn't abiding by the decree AND that she's refusing to punish her weed smoking daughter because she gets good grades? If you're interested in custody, it sounds like you have a great chance. Otherwise, I don't see much you can do. Your wife is going to be the fun one whether you like it or not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup. Should be easy if one of these busy lawyers will call me back. I think the most likely outcome will be that they both get their act together, which is also fine.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

ProfJ said:


> Don't really know how you're going to go about this. I sympathize because my husband's ex is the same way. Since the divorce, both of them have been playing, good cop/bad cop with their children. The problem is, nobody wants to play bad cop. Their children is playing them against each other, and they are constantly trying to play the cool parent role and the children senses this. I think your wife knows that your daughter is screwing herself up, but she won't admit to it with you because it will seem to say that she is doing something wrong in raising your child.
> My advice is to sit your daughter down, and tell her that as much as it hurts you, if she continues to destroy herself, you would not want anything to do with her. it's tough, I know, I know. But I think it's important to show your child how to make a stand or it will be a vicious cycle...with your daughter calling the shots, and you as the parent watching her go on a downward spiral. Pot today, what next tomorrow?


Yes, I would love the opportunity to do this, if I ever see my daughter I'll tell her I want nothing to do with her


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

ManDup said:


> Yes, I would love the opportunity to do this, if I ever see my daughter I'll tell her I want nothing to do with her


I think that's a terrible idea, and bad for your daughter.

children need to be loved unconditionally and to know their parents are allways going to be there for them.

You can say, I don't like you smoking it, it isn't welcome around me or in my house. You can say that you knows she is better then that and that shes a wonderful person and you would hate to see her do things that are going to hurt her or her future.


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