# Respect , attention and sex.



## Zorro4u (Jul 7, 2012)

Hello Everyone, this is my first ever thread in any forum. I m a married man for the past 6 years and was in relationship with the same gal for 5 years before marriage ( in total 11 year s ) and i have 2 kids. so when i was in the relationship she wanted to have sex almost every day and she wanted to talk to me for almost the whole day and night. but once we got married things have changed over the past time and now im the one who wants sex and she doesnt , she wants to do it when she wants it may b once a month and that too after asking her again n again, i fell embarssed and disrespected and she makes me feel that i m a horny man who want s sex all time, where as the attention is concerned i think she is selfish and she s only thinking of her self , if i go out of town for couple of days i make sure that i call her and keep her updated with wats happening at my end , where as when she goes out of town for visiting her parents she does not call or text s me , i m the one who s calling her and sending her text msgs , which she mostly dont replies and when i ask her she give me this excuse that im busy with the kids and all and on the other hand she always complains that i dont give her attentions and enought time , just to clear a few things more that throughout our marriage she never make s breakfast or lunch for me or even when i come bak from work im the one who take s out the food and eat it , she keeps on sitting and watching tv and above that she sits down with me and starts eating it once it finishes she want s me to go n get some more if she feel s like eating more, she never irons my cloth or get my thing s ready for work or any event , i m the one who fixes my clothes when im goin to work or a party and when i argue with her she says that im busy with my job and kids. thing r really frustrating me , i need ur help friends i would like to add one more thing just to give u guys a clear idea , when she s at my place she make s sure that she skypes with her mother almost every day so that she can see her grand kids , where s she have been out of town for one month and only once she skyped with me so that i can see the kids and that too after i pushed her by callin her and asking her again and again to come online and skype with me , im confuse need ur help friend


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

She has no respect for you and she's treating you like a doormat. You don't want to be a door mat or an as$ hole but you do need to ask for respect, make some boundaries and stick with them. You need to calmly have consequences for her behaviour and stick with what your boundaries are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zorro4u (Jul 7, 2012)

How many time do u think i should talk to her about this , i ve had fights on this and i ve discussed this calmly with her as well seems like i ve no other option to have a affair with some one coz i dont want to leave her and that too is only because of my kids. she blames me for every thing , she asked me to stop spending time with my friend s then she will change i did that as well now i only see my friend s once a week , then she wanted time for kids i try and take kids out almost every day. i feel like a stupid ass hole


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## wifenumber2 (Jul 29, 2011)

A thought, maybe if she's spending all of her time at home with the kids she is resentful and depressed? Did she work and have friends before she was married and now that has changed? Schedule date nights for fun and also balance with honest discussion that allows you to get your point across without shutting her down. Just a suggestion from someone who doesn't know the whole picture.


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## wifenumber2 (Jul 29, 2011)

Another thing to consider, perhaps you are helping out too much? Pull back a little on what you do (cooking and the wash) and see if she responds. If you keep fixing everything, what's her motivation to do her part?


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Go read The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 | MMSL Primer | By Athol Kay | Married Man Sex Life and The Book


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

I don't want to sound like the grammar police, but I wasn't able to get through your post as it's written. Sentences with periods are your friends. Use them.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There is an old joke that is oft told by women:

Q) Why is a man like fitting a carpet?
A) Lay them both right the first time and you can walk on them forever.

Too many times there's an element of truth in this.

Sorry this is happening to you.

Counselling might help.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> I don't want to sound like the grammar police, but I wasn't able to get through your post as it's written. Sentences with periods are your friends. Use them.


Actually, there's one sure fire method to not sound like the grammar police. Don't. People come here for relationship help, not help with their grammar.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Insanity is often defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Why not do the opposite of what you've done? If she wants something from you, say NO and go again do the things that gave up for her and gave your life meaning.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

This process of a woman having much sex before and somewhat at the beginning of marriage but then dropping off due to the same excuse of tired, babies, etc...makes me wonder if like PMS, there is some hormonal bio-clock thing where they give much sex pre marriage to hook the guy, then much sex beginning marriage to get pregnant and then stop. 
Its as if they are wired to simply hook a guy to procreate and then have no need for sex after or act as if now its a duty or chore to keep their man content. 

I know this is a broad brush Im using but is this the exception to the rule or the rule?


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

GhostRydr said:


> This process of a woman having much sex before and somewhat at the beginning of marriage but then dropping off due to the same excuse of tired, babies, etc...makes me wonder if like PMS, there is some hormonal bio-clock thing where they give much sex pre marriage to hook the guy, then much sex beginning marriage to get pregnant and then stop.
> Its as if they are wired to simply hook a guy to procreate and then have no need for sex after or act as if now its a duty or chore to keep their man content.
> 
> I know this is a broad brush Im using but is this the exception to the rule or the rule?


Personally, I think we socially have behavior we've learned that overcomes some of our biological programming, but once we have the comfort and security of getting married, we relax the intellectual effort that comes with overcoming our biological programming... And it becomes even more so when the burden of raising children comes into the marriage.

These progressively increasing burdens on the married couple, particularly the wife in many cases, causes their capacity to be attracted to their spouses to be more dependent on biological factors than intellectual factors. If the husband isn't creating attraction by stimulating the wife's interest, then a cycle is in place that will cause his needs not to be met, he naturally reacts based on that and it decreases his attractiveness in the eyes of the wife.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

I like your response. And tho I am not diminishing the rearing of a children, I also believe a man that works while the wife is at home not working....again, yes I know raising kids IS also..BUT, the man has to get into traffic going to work, or ride thea job...
train/bus and has to get into now rush hour traffic going home or overly crowded trains/buses coming home..in between, he has to more than likely make very tough decisions at work, deal with clients who need their butts kissed on a daily basis, not to mention if he has a horible boss who must be appeased, also to worry about keeping his job due to downsizing, crazy bosses, etc..or maybe the man is a laborer who not only deals with the physical aspect of his job such as weather, difficulty, etc but ALSO with the same type of boss...these type of men, we, me, us, still find the time to know how to put that aside for the most part when we get home and still have, want, need our sex drives taken care of.


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