# Depression - wife not loving, no affection



## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

I did another post a fw months ago regarding no sex blah. Everytime i see it i dont like the topic so i will try again.

Wife has depression and is only 26. We have been fighting on and off for a year but the affection/loving part of the relationship has been gone for 3 yearas. hardly and intimate kissing, hardly and cuddling, hardly any fooling around in the bedroom and more or less no sex ( maybe 6 times in 3 years).

Its come to a point where i really have to make a serious decision and probably have been to patient. Mainly because so got diagnosed with depression last year which is mild. She still goes out with the girls, works and goes out for dinners. Bu when it comes to my needs she is just not there.

In the house we are okay but act more like firends as there is no intamcy. Yes every day we will have a little cuddle and kiss that lasts one minute but thats as far as it goes.

I think we need counselling but she doesnt. Maybe i should go by myself but i would prefer us both to go. Im actually worried i muight stray as im sexually frustrated and feel emotionally un attached from my wife.

I still find it strange that im writing on this forum but hey it gets it off my chest a little.

I can sorta handle no sex - but at least we could kiss/cuddle in bed with a little fooling around...but NO.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Is she on any medication for the depression? Some anti-depressants can depress a person's libido and can make then anorgasmic.

If she's not on any medication, then what is she doing for the depression? Does she exercise? Exercise - like taking a walk - is good for people who are mildly depressed. Does she see a counselor?

What are you guys fighting about? The sexlessness or other things? Yah, normally bickering and fighting are not good for the sexual relations department - especially for women. We have a tendency to get very emotional about those fights and that can be a sex killer for us.

I don't think that going to IC is a bad idea. It might help you get things in to perspective so that you can decide the best way to proceed forward.

Best wishes.


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## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

she goes to a counsellor once every 2 weeks.
she is on pristiq the last 4 months.

But this has been going on 3 years and i have tried everything now am getting really frustrated as i feel its laziness a lot of times.
We dont really fight, jus little things - like she can go out with the girls to one/two in the morning but when home with me wants to be in bed at 10pm with no alone time for ourselves.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

there's your answer.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Umm.. is she going out with the girls until 2 am? Are you sure?
Lots of tips on here about how to find out. emotional detachment and just plain not wanting to be with you. Not good signs.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Most people with depression don't go out with friends. One of the trademark symptoms of depression is that the person doesn't want to do anything. You should really look into her activities outside the home and make sure there is nothing going on there.


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## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

na, im 100% sure she is just going out to dance and release some built up energy. I am meeting her counsillor next week so will be interesting


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

brendan, I'm not familiar with the medication, but someone with depression doesn't really have much energy to release (that's why its called depression). To me it sounds like a case where she has lost her attraction to you and can't understand why, and so is using "depression" as an excuse to rationalize her behavior. It could be a case of you being the "nice guy" (not a good thing) and she is just resentful, or else she can't understand the lack of "passion" that was present during the honeymoon phase. If this is the case, it doesn't have to be permanent, there are ways to rekindle the flame, or perhaps you maybe dealing with your own depression from lack of needs being met. What I have learned is depression is a viscious cycle - it is impossible for person to be attracted to a depressed spouse, and that fuels the depression even more, and it can be contagious and it ends relationships. So keep up with the counselling and I hope you can figure this out!


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

I was given a tip a few days back to look into ginko boloba for counteracting sexual disfunction with depression meds. There have been small limited studies with positive results. My wife started to take it a few days ago, I will keep you posted on the results if you would like.


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