# Want to use condoms again...



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I want to start using condoms again.

This is not because I don't trust that my husband is faithful.

It is all the semen. I find it disgusting when I get up after sex, and there is so much of this gunk coming out of me. 

We tend to be very open with each other, but I don't want to hurt my husband's feelings. He would be offended if I told him how I felt and hubby firmly believes that a married couple should never use condoms if they do not have to. 

Suggestions?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

We take a towel to bed with us.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Going back to using condoms with a partner I feel comfortable with would not be acceptable. I would try working with my wife with a therapist to get her over her disgust before I'd accept that. I haven't had a partner use female condoms, but the male version really deadens the sensations and pleasure.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

FirstYearDown said:


> It is all the semen. I find it disgusting when I get up after sex, and there is so much of this gunk coming out of me.
> Suggestions?


That's just part of sex. While I'm sure that not all women love this aspect of it every single time, many find this not just an acceptable price for a good time but an important part of the experience. And for a man, it's also very important.

I suggest that you seek therapy to explore why this is such a big problem for you.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I can understand about the mess part. A man likely doesn't know how uncomfortable it can be to find things constantly dribbling down your leg - sometimes not just immediately after, but like the next day. And if you have sex a lot, then that means you can have this happening on a daily basis and it can be uncomfortable. 

In lieu of condoms, some things you can try instead - clean up immediately after sex, go to the bathroom and relieve yourself immediately afterward (and sit upright there for a little bit allowing gravity to help you), wear a liner/pad immediately after sex, wear a panty liner the next day, or use a tampon immediately after to help soak up some of the 'mess'. Oh, and for immediately afterward - keeping some wipes close by and a towel so you can make it in to the bathroom for all of the other ablutions is also helpful.

Oh, and maybe if he sees all of this cleaning and you express concern about it, he might be willing to wear one some of the time. This is the compromise we have in place. For instance, if I've got something really hopping the next day, my H will often just volunteer to wear one because he knows it can be a pain in the a$$ for me to deal with it as much as I have to.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Why not have hime pull out and let him cum on your tummy. Still you may want a rag. My wife has the same issue with it.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

I'm the opposite. We're using condoms and I hate them! I have to use them, I have chronic urinary tract infection which means that I have to run to the bathroom as soon as sex is over, pee, take a shower, take a pill, and drink a gallon of water, AND he has to wear a condom every time. 

So why am I posting? Because we went from not using them, to using them, when it became clear that I needed more protection. Of course you can do this if this is what makes you comfortable!! We came up with some perverted reasons why we thought condoms were sexy, and went with it!


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Always finish in your mouth... swallow "the mess".


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, I dont know about condoms. I didn't get married to use condoms. I hate them.

The "gunk" can be cleaned out. Squirt some water up there afterwards and wipe. 

After the V, his semen should thin out and be MUCH easier to deal with....at least Hubs' was. It was a pleasant surprise


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

It's weird because I love being sexual with my husband. I don't have many hang ups about sex; we always have a great time. 

I just woke up because an afternoon session wore me out! :smthumbup: My husband's lust was much stronger than my suggestion that we save the sex for bedtime...he needed it RIGHT THEN. I happily obliged and I was overwhelmed by the romance. 

I think therapy would only be needed if I was completely avoiding sex, because of the mess.

I would let him cum in my mouth, but not on my body. I don't find anything sexy about having spunk all over me like some porn actress. Ugh!

"Can we use condoms again?" I blurted this out before my clothes were off. My husband looked at me like I just told him he smelled. "Why do you want to do that?? We're married." 

Couple has a point about semen being normal...maybe I need to be more relaxed about it. Not sure how to though.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

But.... don't you cum and make a mess? I do. And don't you make a mess at TOM? I do.... The wetter the better.... sex is messy. I guess I think you are missing something if you try to keep it too tidy. 

And, jmo, but I think it sends a weird message to your h... that his stuff is icky. We wouldn't like it if H told us our stuff is icky... 

Just a thought.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Of course I cum, but most women's fluids are not nearly the same volume and consistency as semen.

Also, a man can just wipe a woman's stuff away. He does not have to deal with sopping briefs because the woman's stuff streams out of him after sex. 

Sorry, does TOM mean "Time Of Month?" My husband and I do not have sex during this time.

I agree that it sends an unhappy message to any man. That is why I was asking for advice on the nicest way, to say something that might be hurtful. 

My husband's reaction today showed me that I may have to just grin and bear it. I like Enhancement's panty liner suggestion, though it means I will have to stock up since we have sex at least three times a week. Hubby wants to finish inside his wife, not always in my mouth.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why do you associate having semen on your body with a porn actress?

lol. Wow. Just because you have your husband's cum on your body doesn't mean it's a porn. 

I had it on my chest this afternoon because right when he came (oral), I coughed (we're both suffering from allergies) LOL I'm hardly a porn actress and neither are you.

It's just semen. I don't see the big deal.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Perhaps get some panty liners that you can wear for afterwards.

But I do think you'll be happily surprised after the big V.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

You don't see the big deal, but I simply do not like semen on my body. We are all squeamish about different things...I'm not sure why you find this funny. 

I associate it with porn, because I have seen a lot of movies where cumming on the woman was the big thing. Ever heard of bukkake or money shots?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't watch porn. I just don't think having sex and everything that comes with it to be a weird thing. Just wipe it off.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I did not say that sex was weird. I said that I was disgusted by semen streaming out of me afterwards. Huge difference. 

Despite our use of baby wipes, my husband's stuff gushes out of me when I stand up.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

That happened to me before the V. Now, not so much. It just comes out when I pee.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

FirstYearDown said:


> Of course I cum, but most women's fluids are not nearly the same volume and consistency as semen.
> 
> Also, a man can just wipe a woman's stuff away. He does not have to deal with sopping briefs because the woman's stuff streams out of him after sex.
> 
> ...


I'd agree with the consistency comment, and I'll add my note about the volume after I go wash our waterproof blanket. For the third time in three days... . But I'm definitely not complaining! 

Really, I can kinda understand what you're saying about the mess. But they really really really do kill the sensation. Like petting a dog with gloves on.couple of things I can think of...

Put on the condom at the last minute, especially if you're not concerned about pregnancy.
If you can let him finish inside you sometimes, but use the condom most of the time.
Try the female condom.
Try a douche after to clean up easier/quicker.


In contrast to TG, I don't recall any change in volume or consistency after my vasectomy. But that was long enough ago that they used a stone scalpel...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hubs' semen went from thick and sticky to thin and watery and would practically just rub into the skin. I love it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Mine is still thick. Sorry if that's TMI. . He can try remaining hydrated properly, and more frequent orgasms to keep the volume down and consistency thinner. But you may be talking about twice a day, which might defeat the purpose... 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

It's not TMI. I am the one who brought up this subject.

My husband cannot even have sex every day, much less twice a day. He has never been much of a masturbator, according to him.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Have him just pull out and finish outside of your ladybits. That could help too.

Or make him sleep in the wet spot LOL


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

He already sleeps in the wet spot, T. :rofl:

Pulling out wouldn't work for him, because my husband loves to finish inside me. 

Going to the drugstore tomorrow to grab some more liners.

Hope the vasectomy thing is true.

Stone scalpel? :rofl::rofl:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Get a douche too. Empty the contents and fill with water (I don't like using douches)....use it to rinse yourself out. Feels good too.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

My wife too finds the "leaking" thing annoying as well she usually sits up on the toilet after to let gravity let most of it come out so it is not leaking so much. She has used panty liners afterword to contain the leaking. 

I will say that condoms for me are horrible. 

It is great that you are trying to work in this. However, you seem to be grossed out by semen in general. Not to be graphic but, my wife loves when I shoot a big one inside her (she says it intensifies her O). When she goes down on me to completion it goes in her her mouth usually but, sometimes it winds up on her face or body. A wet washcloth works well for cleanup. For her the size and velocity of my load is like an outward sign that i enjoyed what she did to me. I think it is getting past the "ick" factor more than anything. 

You indicate you "would let him come in your mouth". It sounds like that means you have not. For whatever it is worth this a wonderful sensation for any man on many many levels. And it is probably the cleanest way to go. The taste/consistency is strange but, for the most part is not bad.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I have let my husband come in my mouth before. 

As I've repeated, my husband enjoys finishing inside my vagina.

I don't like the idea of douching. It causes infections.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

FirstYearDown said:


> I have let my husband come in my mouth before.
> 
> As I've repeated, my husband enjoys finishing inside my vagina.
> 
> I don't like the idea of douching. It causes infections.


Infections even if you don't use the actual solution, but just sterilized water? Could you talk to your doctor about some ideas? It may seem extreme, but how about a sex therapist? I would imagine they've seen much more extreme cases than yours. And I'm suggesting that not because I necessarily think you need mental/emotional help, but because they might have suggestions that we haven't thought of.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

michzz said:


> This is why you need some professional help. You see this as merely a trivial thing.
> 
> It is not.


 Okay...I have already said that I will just use liners. I have also mentioned that my husband and I had sex yesterday without a condom. It is quite obvious that I am more than willing to work through this on my own.

Therapy can be healthy and healing. However, sometimes I think that affluent Americans are too quick to mention it as a cure all. I don't need to go running off to my therapist for _every little thing_. Personal responsibility is the idea. This thread has been very helpful. :smthumbup:


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

michzz said:


> Hey, it doesn't cure anything. A therapist helps you identify why you do something and you respond to that.
> 
> It has nothing to do with affluence or America. You can talk to a trusted grandmother if you are poverty-stricken and not American.


It has a lot to do with affluence; poor people do not have the luxury of dissecting themselves with professionals. They have more pressing things to spend money on, such as food and shelter. Affluent people tend to be more educated, which is a factor in whether or not people seek help.

Actually, nobody can receive effective therapy from a family member, because a family member cannot be objective.  

I simply do not like semen streaming out of my body, because it is annoying.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

*Married 30+ years, now using condoms, less mess, more sex*

My wife and I are in our 50s, and guess what, we're using condoms again, and it's my choice. Why? Because I thought she might appreciate sex making less mess... that it might be nice for her if she didn't have to get up immediately afterward to take care of the dripping, and not have a wet spot on the bed.

Not everytime, but it has certainly created more "opportunities" for me because she's seeing the event as being, er, more self-contained. 

And for me, it's kinda fun reliving the past, and there are so many varieties of condoms available that it definitely provides a bit of a change to the normal routine. And yes, by mid-50s, things can see to be a bit routine at times. 

But to be clear, it's not an everytime thing, maybe 50%, and it's a bit of a turn-on when she tells me let's not use one this time. You'd never get that if you never used one. But in all seriousness, it has absolutely led to more activity in the bedroom.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

We use spermicidal lubricant and I always pull out and cum in my hand. She hasn't gotten pregnant like that and I enjoy it just fine.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

What? Condoms? NO!

I pull out anyways, unless my wife has her legs around me then it's rather difficult. It's during those times I have to WATCH her on the pill lest I get paranoid


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

I've used them for forty years. It's never seemed like a big deal and actually makes it last longer.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Condoms? No thanks. I last a long time as it is. 

My W loves when I come on her belly, boobs, in her, in her mouth, etc. But yes, I always get the "ewww, yuk!!!" thing when I finish inside her and she goes to get up. I understand it's a physical feeling rather than an aversion to semen. I solved most of it by keeping handiwipes in the top drawer of my night stand. We finish, and I hand her a couple. She cleans up and holds them there while she trots off to the bathroom to pee (a necessity due to a high number of bladder infections before she did this). She sits on the toilet for a while, cleans up, and comes out. No biggie.

There are some "unpleasant" parts to sex. Embrace it for what it is...sex! I understand the feeling is not the greatest, but were my W to ask that I wear condoms because of that, and take away that "connection" and feeling for me, and yes, I'd have a rather substantial problem with it.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

well, I think a healthy dose of compromise is in order. I think its a reasonable request for him to try to meet you in the middle some times he comes in your mouth ,some times he wears a condom,sometimes he comes in your vajvaj,some times he can come on your tummy, sometimes he can come wherever but compromise is the key !


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

as a guy I just have to say condoms suck big time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

at least for me. most of the time I can't orgasm with one on!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

we use them everytime (which aint saying much), never been an issue


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## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

Wife loves going condomless as much as I do thankfully. Just keep some wipes or a towel handy. Doesn't take long to clear it up.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> Of course I cum, but most women's fluids are not nearly the same volume and consistency as semen.
> 
> Also, a man can just wipe a woman's stuff away. He does not have to deal with sopping briefs because the woman's stuff streams out of him after sex.
> 
> ...


Sex is messy. And if I'm turned on thinking about what will happen later (or the last time) I might still be messy without his addition. I find it odd he can finish in your mouth and that's not yucky to you but you don't like it running down your leg or do it during your period. Lay down a towel that time of the month. Orgasms are wonderful in reducing cramps and the blood flow makes them intense. I can see not wanting it running down your leg the next day but I guess I find it erotic that we were both so sexed up.

I hate condoms. I love the freedom of an exclusive relationship without them.


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## lifeisnotsogood3 (Sep 13, 2012)

Yeah, I would be offended.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

I'm surprised at the number who are "offended" at the idea of using a condom sometimes to make things less messy. I don't see where it detracts from the personal attachment of two people in love; sex is more than just a mixing of body fluids. For a condom to ruin things implies there's something that might not be quite right upstairs for the guy, yet here it seems all about attacking the woman because she has an issue with things being messy at times.

Last night I have no doubt that a less-messy encounter allowed my wife to go more quickly to sleep afterward and not later wake up feeling uncomfortable. I can definitely contrast that to other encounters in which that wasn't the case, and I don't think it's (waking up during the night and feeling like she's still got to clean up) conducive to putting her in the mood as often.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I honestly feel better when my wife is walking around with a dose of my swimmers inside her. After a few days I start to feel weird and disconnected. Maybe it's about marking my territory or staking my claim. Anyway, I'm not using a condom unless there is some medical reason that I have to.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

FirstYearDown said:


> I did not say that sex was weird. I said that I was disgusted by semen streaming out of me afterwards. Huge difference.


Fair enough that you are uncomfortable with it dripping for hours/days. However, you also associate semen on your body with porn in a negative way.

Only you really understand your deep feelings on this and we shouldn't make assumptions but your overall attitude toward semen (a normal part of sex, like vaginal moisture, sex smells, etc) seems unhealthy and there also seems to be something more behind this apparent disgust with semen.

My wife doesn't like semen in her mouth or all over her face but loves it inside her and is OK with it on her body. If she didn't like it anywhere, I would feel hurt and rejected sexually by her. I'm sure she would be equally hurt if I didn't want any contact with her vaginal juices.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I must be weird. I like wearing a condom. My wife doesn't want to go on birth control and we have had two children in two years. Now we are waiting a while to have our third. I also like when my wife tells me we are running low and we need to stock up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

couple said:


> Fair enough that you are uncomfortable with it dripping for hours/days. However, you also associate semen on your body with porn in a negative way.
> 
> Only you really understand your deep feelings on this and we shouldn't make assumptions but your overall attitude toward semen (a normal part of sex, like vaginal moisture, sex smells, etc) seems unhealthy and there also seems to be something more behind this apparent disgust with semen.
> 
> My wife doesn't like semen in her mouth or all over her face but loves it inside her and is OK with it on her body. If she didn't like it anywhere, I would feel hurt and rejected sexually by her. I'm sure she would be equally hurt if I didn't want any contact with her vaginal juices.


You are correct about the negative association.

Even though I do not like semen, I still don't tell my husband he can't come inside me despite my disgust. I know it hurts his feelings and when I brought it up, he said that as a married man he does not want to use condoms. I respect that and tolerate the mess.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

FirstYearDown said:


> You are correct about the negative association.
> 
> Even though I do not like semen, I still don't tell my husband he can't come inside me despite my disgust. I know it hurts his feelings and when I brought it up, he said that as a married man he does not want to use condoms. I respect that and tolerate the mess.


Condoms are the devil for a married couple FYD.

But unfortunatley I dont have a solution. The visual was stimulating though so thanks.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

And really, it's a turn-on for me to see my "mess" dripping out of my wife. Makes me strut around and pound my chest.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

richie33 said:


> I must be weird. I like wearing a condom. My wife doesn't want to go on birth control and we have had two children in two years. Now we are waiting a while to have our third. I also like when my wife tells me we are running low and we need to stock up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



My wife and I hit an impasse with the condoms a few months ago. She went off birth control, and I already made it clear before we married that I wouldn't be participating in condomed sex. We discussed the other contraceptive options available for her, but she's been reluctant.

So we've been doing a lot of rerouting around the p*ssy and enjoying other activities. Vaginal sex has become an occasional (with condom) treat now. 

I'm sure at some point we'll break the stalemate. Probably whenever we both agree to start trying for kids.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

sandc said:


> And really, it's a turn-on for me to see my "mess" dripping out of my wife. Makes me strut around and pound my chest.



I had an ex who loved to talk about his love dripping out of me.
It made him feel like a man. I wished he would not talk about it so much. 

I think it is common for men to feel the same as you, sandc. 

I realize that I am the one with the problem, not my husband.

That is why we do not use condoms in bed.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Perhaps get some panty liners that you can wear for afterwards.
> 
> But I do think you'll be happily surprised after the big V.


Eh, I know I'm late to this but...

Having a V generally does not change a guy's semen. The sperm and testicular fluid is a small fraction of semen, and removing it does not change volume or consistency to a noticable extent.


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

You may need to have a chat with your partner but I feel that he should respect your choice.


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## roger boschman (Aug 3, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> I want to start using condoms again.
> 
> This is not because I don't trust that my husband is faithful.
> 
> ...


 CONDOM: If your only problem is disgust at the semen mess..have a big towel at bedside. If sex is on the agenda, lay the towel where it can catch the semen. After, toss it in the laundry basket. Hubby will see the sense of that.
Enjoy condom...enjoy sex! -- Roger G. Boschman


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