# My GF doesn't want to receive OS. What should I do?



## newlab (Mar 9, 2017)

Just like the title said. Giving OS is kind of big deal to me unfortunately, because my traditional performance is not very good and in my previous relationships the girls never got climax with PIV, while my OS skill is quite satisfying and I actually enjoy giving it. 

This girl had sex like 10 times in the past but never feels like receiving OS, she said she felt uncomfortable. I told her that maybe her ex didn't know how to do it properly but she's kind of reluctant. She said that she doesn't care if she gets climax or not. She can do anything for me, including giving OS to me, but prefers not getting it. She loves me a lot. I love her too and I feel like if I get climax while she doesn't it's very unfair and I actually feel bad for both of us!

What should I do? I told her I will not force her but I encourage her to try. She's still reluctant though ...


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

Some women have hang ups about OS so right now that is who she is. If you push too hard, it will turn her off you and the relationship. Ask her what gets her motor running, then try something she likes and something related to what she likes.

Generally women that don't climax have little experience with self pleasuring them-self. Ask her how she gets off when she is alone.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You may simply be incompatible sexually. If this is important to you, and a problem for her, you probably need to seek a new gf.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

You seem underage. You have no right to tell anyone what to do. None of us do. We don't have the right to pressure or bully anyone. It can easily be construed or misconstrued as sexual assault. You don't want that on your record, and you don't want to do time for it in prison.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

2ntnuf said:


> You seem underage. You have no right to tell anyone what to do. None of us do. We don't have the right to pressure or bully anyone. It can easily be construed or misconstrued as sexual assault. You don't want that on your record, and you don't want to do time for it in prison.


A bit of an overreaction here. He specifically said he wont force, but encourages. 

OP, you might not be a good sexual match, and thus a bad match as partners. I wouldn't give up without a good effort on your part, but one thing about chosing a life partner is to not sacrifice where you shouldn't. That is a double edge sword however, as everyone has the capacity to change. Some throw in the towel too soon without any effort.

You both love each other, and otherwise things are good I'm assuming? If so, I would put in the effort, but I would set a time table too. If this is a huge issue for you, and continues to be 6 months later, its better to end it than get legally involved with this woman. Who knows, in 6 months you may find she changes, or you change yourself. OS no longer is an issue at all weather that be because you changed or she did. 

If you both love each other, just stick with encouragement. Talk about it too! Open up more. Get to the root of the issue and gain some understanding. Proceed with that new understanding. 

Talk talk talk. Listen listen listen. Put in the effort. But if you find this issue is too much, move on. Sexual issues in marriage do not lead to a happy marriage. I dont care how good it is otherwise. Keep that in mind as you proceed. 

Good luck!


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> A bit of an overreaction here. He specifically said he wont force, but encourages.
> 
> OP, you might not be a good sexual match, and thus a bad match as partners. I wouldn't give up without a good effort on your part, but one thing about chosing a life partner is to not sacrifice where you shouldn't. That is a double edge sword however, as everyone has the capacity to change. Some throw in the towel too soon without any effort.
> 
> ...


agreed. No sexual assault here


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

2ntnuf said:


> You seem underage. You have no right to tell anyone what to do. None of us do. We don't have the right to pressure or bully anyone. It can easily be construed or misconstrued as sexual assault. You don't want that on your record, and you don't want to do time for it in prison.


What???

Where is there pressure or bullying? He's not forcing her to do anything. He's just asking if there is a way to encourage her to be more open to it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Buckwheat likes pie...


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

I suggest concentrating on pleasuring her with your hands first. Get really good at it and then she may be more comfortable trying oral. Baby steps 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## newlab (Mar 9, 2017)

2ntnuf said:


> You seem underage. You have no right to tell anyone what to do. None of us do. We don't have the right to pressure or bully anyone. It can easily be construed or misconstrued as sexual assault. You don't want that on your record, and you don't want to do time for it in prison.


Nah none of us is underage. It's kinda strange I know. She's Asian though so a bit conservative here (not racist ) but she didn't mean to dislike OS because she feels gross or something, but because the stimulation makes her uncomfortable. That's why I feel like her ex didn't know how to do it properly but maybe her experience was so bad she's still afraid. This is my guess though because all she told me was that she didn't like it. 

Honestly I never heard or read that there's woman who doesn't like getting OS; doesn't mean there isn't any though. Like someone here said, I plan to ask her to start with hand job and probably small kisses while she's calming herself down.


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## newlab (Mar 9, 2017)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> A bit of an overreaction here. He specifically said he wont force, but encourages.
> 
> OP, you might not be a good sexual match, and thus a bad match as partners. I wouldn't give up without a good effort on your part, but one thing about chosing a life partner is to not sacrifice where you shouldn't. That is a double edge sword however, as everyone has the capacity to change. Some throw in the towel too soon without any effort.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your advice. We both love each other a lot and from what we have experienced, it feels like we are *the one* for the other (beside the sex part though)! I'm willing to take time and put effort. The problem is without OS I'm not sure if she can get climax and even if she's fine with that for now, how long will she feel that way?


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

With in the first few responses, find a new GF and bullying, talk about going from 0-60 quick! I didn't quite pick up that vibe from the post so anyway .....

I think you have stated your case well and she has stated hers, so what counts is the fact that she doesn't want it. Even though you think it would help the relationship and make you feel better and her more satisfied, none of that is a given and more importantly, she has made it clear, so you need to back off of that topic. You did what could to let her know your thoughts, which was good. I would not bring it up again anytime soon because it has the potential to make her feel uncomfortable. 

It's very possible that she gets sexual excitement from pleasing you, that's not a bad problem to have. What makes her feel good will eventually make you feel good and that's the important part here. I guess it's not clear here, so clarifying. Have you had sex with this woman already or just going through all of the discussions with her about this stuff? If you have, I'm assuming/hoping she climaxes but just a different way. How does she do that? Just thinking of how you can incorporate how she has hers into what you can do for her in the process.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> You seem underage. You have no right to tell anyone what to do. None of us do. We don't have the right to pressure or bully anyone. It can easily be construed or misconstrued as sexual assault. You don't want that on your record, and you don't want to do time for it in prison.


First, the above. That's most important. 

If you're both adults;

You start by telling her she has a very attractive vajay etc, she may be self conscious for no reason.

Then you play the game "handcuffs" when starting to be intimate. 

Need I say more?

I'm just kidding. Or am I? 😎😎😎


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Elizabeth001 said:


> I suggest concentrating on pleasuring her with your hands first. Get really good at it and then she may be more comfortable trying oral. Baby steps
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Based on my limited anecdotal experience, I would agree. That path was fairly effective in my marriage.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

newlab said:


> Thanks for your advice. We both love each other a lot and from what we have experienced, *it feels like we are the one for the other (beside the sex part though)! *I'm willing to take time and put effort. The problem is without OS I'm not sure if she can get climax and even if she's fine with that for now, how long will she feel that way?


It's very easy for it to seem like that at first. But in the long run, that will inevitably become a problem. Don't buy into your grandparents fairy tale that if two people really love each other, everything else will just work out. That's not real life. 

The mismatch must be faced head on. If the two can't come together sexually, that will end up driving them apart in other ways down the line as the mismatch gets harder and harder to ignore, and ultimately becomes a wedge in the relationship, no matter how much you "love each other."


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## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

newlab said:


> We both love each other a lot and from what we have experienced, it feels like we are *the one* for the other (beside the sex part though)!


Reread what you wrote there. Aside from one of the most critically important parts of a relationship (sex) you are the one for each other. Think long and hard about that. And no I'm not saying end the relationship, just know what you're getting yourself into. As time goes on she may open up and get more adventurous, but at the same time this may be as good as it gets. I agree that you should not pressure her about any particular act, but you two need to communicate your wants and needs in all areas of the relationship which specifically should include very open communication about sexual desires and wants and needs in the bedroom. 

How old are you two, and how long have you been together?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Am I correct in assuming that you DO, have sex, you just don't give her oral? How is the sex that you DO have? Is this a case of all sex is bad, or is it good, except she is uncomfortable receiving oral?

I think labeling you "sexually incompatible" because she is not comfortable with one act is a bit extreme. Are there really people out there that would toss a relationship because their partner doesn't want to receive one act?


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

newlab said:


> Just like the title said. Giving OS is kind of big deal to me unfortunately, because my traditional performance is not very good and in my previous relationships the girls never got climax with PIV, while my OS skill is quite satisfying and I actually enjoy giving it.
> 
> This girl had sex like 10 times in the past but never feels like receiving OS, she said she felt uncomfortable. I told her that maybe her ex didn't know how to do it properly but she's kind of reluctant. She said that she doesn't care if she gets climax or not. She can do anything for me, including giving OS to me, but prefers not getting it. She loves me a lot. I love her too and I feel like if I get climax while she doesn't it's very unfair and I actually feel bad for both of us!
> 
> What should I do? I told her I will not force her but I encourage her to try. She's still reluctant though ...


Here's what I would say/do if I were in your shoes. However, let me just start with the warning that you never say something you don't mean or she'll call B.S. on you and the whole conversation will backfire. 

"Hey girlfriend I don't believe in limiting ourselves sexually with each other. If that is something you believe in then we aren't going to be compatible long term and we should probably go our separate ways before we get even more attached to each other. You'll always hold a special place in my heart, but sexual compatibility is a big deal to me and not something that I'm willing to forego in a relationship, and you shouldn't have to compromise yourself either and do things you don't want to for my sexual needs." 

Then after you can wait and see what happens. She'll either change her mind and be explorative with you or she won't and you can both realize you weren't a good sexual match. I can tell you from experience that if you were to project that attitude from the beginning she probably would have just gone with the flow and done the OS from the beginning. 

I would also like to point something else out to you. The problem is more than OS. You said you love her and feel bad if you climax and she doesn't. While that may be true it is going to put pressure on her because *an orgasm from her is your true goal* rather than having a mutually satisfying sexual experience. This is actually going to be counterproductive because now she's going to be forced (in her mind) to have an orgasm from oral which even increases the pressure more than before and makes it harder. My strategy is I just usually tell the women I sleep with that "I'm in charge of my orgasm and they are in charge of theirs. So if there is something I want/need I'll let them know and vice versa it is their responsibility to let me know. Otherwise, if they don't tell me anything specific that they need/want, I'm just going to F them the way I want." That actually lets them relax because they don't feel like they have to do anything other than enjoy themselves, which removes the pressure and lets them be uninhibited.

One last thing is you said you aren't good in bed. Fix that ASAP. Being good in bed gives you a lot of confidence which women find sexy and cuts down on their resistance to various sexual acts.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

personofinterest said:


> Are there really people out there that would toss a relationship because their partner doesn't want to receive one act?


Unapologetically, yes! 

I have enough experience to know that if women are really turned on they won't tell me no. So I look at a hard "no" as a sign that I'm not a great match for them and I don't turn them on enough to get past their aversion to that act. I'd also interpret it to mean that they are settling for me, which is not a relationship I'm willing to accept. I know other guys that feel this same way, but we'd be in the minority of men.

I don't have to be an A-hole about it though. I was dating a woman for a while that early on in our relationship said she doesn't swallow. I just laughed at her and said that her rules didn't apply to me. Next thing I know she's swallowing and proud of herself for being able to satisfy me that way.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Hmm, I guess I am just weird. My husband turns me on just by walking into the room, but there are a couple of things that are a hard no for me no matter how bad I want him. Not oral sex, but a couple of things. For example, no matter how "enough" my husband turns me on, covering my mouth and nose (someone once tried to do that with me) is out. Sorry

The OP said that she says she finds the stimulation uncomfortable. I am not sure what that means, but if she is one of those women (they are rare but they exist) for whom direct stimulation of certain areas is painful, then I can understand her reluctance about oral sex.

I do agree with the recommendation to fix the "bad at sex" issue. He can';t spend his whole life doing oral sex as a workaround for being bad in bed.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

OP, bearing in mind you've commented "this girl has had sex like ten times" you both sound very young, and not critical or judging, pls understand that regarding info below.

Ten times in one relationship means something different that sex with ten folks, experience-wise, but I'm going with you're both inexperienced compared to the big picture ie be careful comparing yourselves to those who have been having sex for five/ten/20 yrs.

All that said to emphasize there's no need to act/compare to older or anyone. There are natural stages to sexual experience. 

Younger people will communicate differently to each other in your topic than older folks. 

Key items; don't sweat it. It's impt you're compatible for a long term relationship yes, but if this relationship doesn't work out there will be others.

Ease into it, or not, but take the pressure off the both of you. 

Good luck!


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

@personofinterest You're not weird at all. I'm in the minority of guys, but my style works for me. It's also a style I developed after marriage because by then I had developed enough life experience to know how to lead sexually. I wasn't that assertive during my marriage, but when I found out my wife was happily doing things for her AP that she didn't like doing for me, I developed a more confident and assertive style. 

The OP is probably lacking some skill at oral too, but doesn't know it. The book "she comes first" is a great read for all guys and the OP should definitely get it. He also has a major lack of confidence, which is about the worst thing to do if you want to convince someone to try something new. I usually ask women if they've tried (various sexual acts) before and if they say no or say they did but didn't like it, then I just tell them I'll show them how it's done the right way and then I lead them through it. That's also probably why I don't get hard "no's" because I have the confidence that makes them trust me.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Bananapeel said:


> @personofinterest You're not weird at all. I'm in the minority of guys, but my style works for me. It's also a style I developed after marriage because by then I had developed enough life experience to know how to lead sexually. I wasn't that assertive during my marriage, but when I found out my wife was happily doing things for her AP that she didn't like doing for me, I developed a more confident and assertive style.
> 
> The OP is probably lacking some skill at oral too, but doesn't know it. The book "she comes first" is a great read for all guys and the OP should definitely get it. He also has a major lack of confidence, which is about the worst thing to do if you want to convince someone to try something new. I usually ask women if they've tried (various sexual acts) before and if they say no or say they did but didn't like it, then I just tell them I'll show them how it's done the right way and then I lead them through it. That's also probably why I don't get hard "no's" because I have the confidence that makes them trust me.


It's probably a difference in acts as well. I can see oral being negotiably on the table due to skill. But I'm sorry, no matter how "proficient" my husband got at suffocating me, I'd still say no....and he is an incredible lover and 100% alpha.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Bananapeel said:


> @personofinterest You're not weird at all. I'm in the minority of guys, but my style works for me. It's also a style I developed after marriage because by then I had developed enough life experience to know how to lead sexually. I wasn't that assertive during my marriage, but when I found out my wife was happily doing things for her AP that she didn't like doing for me, I developed a more confident and assertive style.
> 
> The OP is probably lacking some skill at oral too, but doesn't know it. The book "she comes first" is a great read for all guys and the OP should definitely get it. He also has a major lack of confidence, which is about the worst thing to do if you want to convince someone to try something new. I usually ask women if they've tried (various sexual acts) before and if they say no or say they did but didn't like it, then I just tell them I'll show them how it's done the right way and then I lead them through it. That's also probably why I don't get hard "no's" because I have the confidence that makes them trust me.


It's probably a difference in acts as well. I can see oral being negotiably on the table due to skill. But I'm sorry, no matter how "proficient" my husband got at suffocating me, I'd still say no....and he is an incredible lover and 100% alpha.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

newlab said:


> Nah none of us is underage. It's kinda strange I know. She's Asian though so a bit conservative here (not racist ) but she didn't mean to dislike OS because she feels gross or something, but because the stimulation makes her uncomfortable. That's why I feel like her ex didn't know how to do it properly but maybe her experience was so bad she's still afraid. This is my guess though because all she told me was that she didn't like it.
> 
> Honestly I never heard or read that there's woman who doesn't like getting OS; doesn't mean there isn't any though. Like someone here said, I plan to ask her to start with hand job and probably small kisses while she's calming herself down.


Stay away from her clit when you do it. Not too far and not too close. She sounds like it's sensitive and she also may never have had an orgasm. I remember some woman I was with telling me she didn't like vibrators because they were too intense. I'm guessing it's the same. 

Thanks for understanding. You're right. It read kind of strange. I didn't want to encourage a minor to do anything. I say, talk to her as much as possible and try what I suggest with her permission. Maybe, if you start with your hand and stay away from her clit, just moving around it, with plenty of lube, you will figure out what works for her. 

Another thought is to masturbate together and try to watch how she does it without being too obvious, so you know what makes her feel good. She could be too embarrassed for that, though. Talk to her a bunch.

This will tell you how close to get when you do OS. Sucking might be out... for a while. It should be fun as hell to explore, so don't make it a chore or embarrassing for her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

newlab said:


> Just like the title said. Giving OS is kind of big deal to me unfortunately, because my traditional performance is not very good and in my previous relationships the girls never got climax with PIV, while my OS skill is quite satisfying and I actually enjoy giving it.
> 
> This girl had sex like 10 times in the past but never feels like receiving OS, she said she felt uncomfortable. I told her that maybe her ex didn't know how to do it properly but she's kind of reluctant. She said that she doesn't care if she gets climax or not. She can do anything for me, including giving OS to me, but prefers not getting it. She loves me a lot. I love her too and I feel like if I get climax while she doesn't it's very unfair and I actually feel bad for both of us!
> 
> What should I do? I told her I will not force her but I encourage her to try. She's still reluctant though ...


Maybe she doesn't like it and doesn't want it. Which answers your question, I think?

If she didn't like bananas, you wouldn't keep trying to get her to eat bananas, right?


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Get it figured out before you marry!.. Be thankful she is being honest with you.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Learn how to be good at something else, and the OS won't be such a big deal.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

newlab said:


> ...while my OS skill is quite satisfying and I actually enjoy giving it.


 Do you know *how *many guys make this SAME exact claim and every single time it's anything BUT satisfying?


The answer is *a lot *of guys.

Sadly, most women don't have the heart to tell a guy when he sucks in bed (and not in a good way). So they'll pretend it was good or great and the poor sap will go onto the next woman, thinking he's got some serious skills in bed when he really doesn't. 

At all. 

I've had a few in my lifetime brag about their sexual prowess and tell me how I'd be screaming their name and blah blah blah. And afterwards, I remember thinking to myself, "I got undressed for _this_?" But I never had the heart to tell the guy how much he sucked and I'm sure he went on to disappoint the next woman who also didn't have the heart to tell him how much he sucked...and on and on and on.

My point is, if she's not liking what you're doing, then you're likely doing it wrong, no matter what the women you've been with in the past may have _told_ you.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Do you know *how *many guys make this SAME exact claim and every single time it's anything BUT satisfying?
> 
> 
> The answer is *a lot *of guys.
> ...


I am laughing to myself about this. This has certainly been my experience as well. BUT less so when I was young and inexperienced. I, too, did not like oral. Some of it was mental. The main thing was that put his head really far away from me. In between my legs. I DID worry whether or not I was clean enough no matter how recently I had showered. It just ratcheted up my insecurity. Also, the target area is small. It is amazing how many people can just totally miss it. Then it really feels no different than licking my thigh. But I was inexperienced, so how would I know? ESPECIALLY when being "lead" by a self proclaimed DUDE who makes the womens scream. When it finally was achieved, having never had clit stim done well before, it seemed too intense. Now I love the intensity because what comes in a second or two is insane. But then, I just did not know that. I was like .... WOA and damn does that feel like pee??

This is why I hate the sex act conversation in its entirety. Love the person. Have fun in bed. If both people are having fun and *trust *is developing and strong, all matters will be well. If you are going to be the kind of person who gets all icky because some act is off the table, do your partner a favor and marry a professional.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

newlab said:


> Thanks for your advice. We both love each other a lot and from what we have experienced, it feels like we are *the one* for the other (beside the sex part though)! I'm willing to take time and put effort. The problem is without OS I'm not sure if she can get climax and even if she's fine with that for now, how long will she feel that way?


First her lack of orgasm during PIV probably has nothing to do with you not being great at it, statistically most women don't climax by PIV alone. The more important issue is the compatibility issue. She might come around on the OS it may just take some time. Some people have a hard time understanding that for many people pleasing their partner is as important as receiving pleasure themselves. 

Don't pressure her because she won't enjoy it if she is doing it just for you. In my experience orgasms for women start with stimulation mentally and feeling safe and comfortable with their partner.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> Stay away from her clit when you do it. Not too far and not too close. She sounds like it's sensitive and she also may never have had an orgasm. I remember some woman I was with telling me she didn't like vibrators because they were too intense. I'm guessing it's the same.
> 
> Thanks for understanding. You're right. It read kind of strange. I didn't want to encourage a minor to do anything. I say, talk to her as much as possible and try what I suggest with her permission. Maybe, if you start with your hand and stay away from her clit, just moving around it, with plenty of lube, you will figure out what works for her.
> 
> ...


If there's going to be directions and preferences in HOW to perform OS, that may indeed be a whole addl thread, or whole book, to do it justice. 😎😎 😁😁


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Or, in my summary; "area, variation, tempo, constancy, stages, music".

But each term has it's own definition. Hence more space needed. But I tried. 😋


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## Knips (May 23, 2017)

A bit the same as with me. My wife isn't a oral lover. I know i am good at it, but it just doesn't do it for her. It is a bit sad because i love giving oral. She can't climax from oral or from fingering. She can only climax from penetration. And she wants me to penetrate as fast as possible and she really loves being penetrated. I admit i am a bit in a luxury position as most woman seem to have only an orgasm trough foreplay.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If there's going to be directions and preferences in HOW to perform OS, that may indeed be a whole addl thread, or whole book, to do it justice. 😎😎 😁😁


With pictures and short films.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Time for a new girlfriend


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