# Long term attraction.



## ConanHub

Just wondering how attractive you still are to a long term spouse and how much it impacts success in long term success in marriage.

I'm physically attracted to Mrs. Conan. Always have been and most likely always will be.

I remember a time about 10 years into our relationship that I had the kids in the car getting ready to go to church and she came out of our rented townhouse and I felt my heart in my throat while I couldn't seem to catch my breath because of how beautiful she looked to me.

A couple days ago, I was waiting in the restaurant area of a large theater waiting for her to get back from the ladies room. 

I was looking at people and saw some attractive women. I was looking at a particularly stylishly dressed woman at the bar when another woman caught my eye. She was walking towards the restaurant area and I was so taken with her that I started feeling guilty for the response she inspired in me.

I had to really raise the walls around me to shield my crazy attraction for her. I loved her form and how she moved and appreciated the way her clothes clung to her form.

Once she entered the restaurant, I realized she was none other than Mrs. Conan herself!

I was a little astonished that I was so attracted to her without even knowing it was her.

My distance vision isn't what it use to be and I didn't have my glasses on.

I guess I learned something in that moment. I find my wife objectively the most attractive woman in the room to me at least.

I was doing mental gymnastics to direct my very strong attraction for a strange woman until I realized she was mine and I was free to feel all the emotions she inspired within my heart.

It was funny but really brought home to me just how much I am truly attracted to my wife. The feelings are mutual so much the better.❤:smile2:


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## BioFury

I'm happy for you guys :grin2:

I imagine remaining active has played a big role in maintaining your mutual visceral attraction toward one another?


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## sunsetmist

You have been effusive about Ms. C forever and I'm sure she feels and knows this. You love her, appreciate her and I'll bet you look at her in a dangerous way. You fought what you thought were inappropriate responses even when you did not recognize her. Y'all respect for each other is magical. 

Yet, there were things before marriage that might have concerned others. I'm thinking that you both 'accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative and that's what it is all about'. CONGRATS--it is harder work than you make us believe.


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## Diana7

I am still attracted to my husband even though we are both now in our 60's. For me though its not just the physical that makes a man attractive, its his character and personality, his integrity and values, his sense of humour.


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## Casual Observer

I wrote about how I find my wife incredibly beautiful here- https://talkaboutmarriage.com/19856317-post1.html.

_Took a huge risk yesterday. I'm 63, she's 62, she doesn't have a very positive image of herself (quite overweight, low-quality post-mastectomy fake boobs, losing some hair, very LD). From another thread you might now we've been going through a bit of a rough time, but after almost 40 years of marriage, no question we get through this.

So I'm in that reminiscing mode, thinking back to the first evening I spent with her, and how she looked when she emerged from her room in this beautiful Kimono. Don't know where it went but never made it to married life a few years later. I thought... maybe try the thing where you buy your wife sexy stuff. Could totally backfire. But man, there are times when that backfire won't seem like that big a deal compared to other stuff. This was the time.

So I found a beautiful Kimono (or at least I hoped it was) available in her XL size. That was another risk. What if I got something too small? That cold be disaster. And I got a light colored lacy semi-transparent slip/camilsole/whatever they're called. And some for-effect-only lacy panties. (continues)_​
So yes, I still find my wife extremely attractive even though by societal norms that might not be the case. There's something I'm drawn to. Has it impacted "success" in our marriage? That's a difficult question to answer. It may have kept up together despite some long-lasting issues. If I didn't find her attractive, it something about her didn't draw me in, we might not have gotten this far (40 years). Curiously, I'm not convinced she finds me similarly attractive, which is somewhat ironic since I would come much closer to fitting the norms, especially for someone my age. I think that's changing though.


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## Diana7

Casual Observer said:


> I wrote about how I find my wife incredibly beautiful here- https://talkaboutmarriage.com/19856317-post1.html.
> 
> _Took a huge risk yesterday. I'm 63, she's 62, she doesn't have a very positive image of herself (quite overweight, low-quality post-mastectomy fake boobs, losing some hair, very LD). From another thread you might now we've been going through a bit of a rough time, but after almost 40 years of marriage, no question we get through this.
> 
> So I'm in that reminiscing mode, thinking back to the first evening I spent with her, and how she looked when she emerged from her room in this beautiful Kimono. Don't know where it went but never made it to married life a few years later. I thought... maybe try the thing where you buy your wife sexy stuff. Could totally backfire. But man, there are times when that backfire won't seem like that big a deal compared to other stuff. This was the time.
> 
> So I found a beautiful Kimono (or at least I hoped it was) available in her XL size. That was another risk. What if I got something too small? That cold be disaster. And I got a light colored lacy semi-transparent slip/camilsole/whatever they're called. And some for-effect-only lacy panties. (continues)_​
> So yes, I still find my wife extremely attractive even though by societal norms that might not be the case. There's something I'm drawn to. Has it impacted "success" in our marriage? That's a difficult question to answer. It may have kept up together despite some long-lasting issues. If I didn't find her attractive, it something about her didn't draw me in, we might not have gotten this far (40 years). Curiously, I'm not convinced she finds me similarly attractive, which is somewhat ironic since I would come much closer to fitting the norms, especially for someone my age. I think that's changing though.


Lovely post. 
Who cares what societal norms are, its how we see our spouse that matters. I once heard a Christian teacher saying that our wives should be our standard of beauty, and I love that. I guess that's easier for men if they don't spend their time looking at porn and naked images of so called 'perfect' women. 

I remember reading about a man who said that when he stopped ogling other women who he saw when out and about his wife began to be more attractive to him.


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## oceanbreeze

I am attracted to my spouse when I see him and all my anger easily melts away each time. Especially when I see funny quirks and facial habits that I see in our son that make my heart feel happy.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

My attraction to my wife grew continually throughout 32 years. It amazed even me that it could be that way.

Nothing about changes in her external appearance was ever able to diminish that attraction. The only thing that has ever caused it to drop would be when I felt she didnt feel as strongly about me.


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## 269370

And the issue is....?  Bring glasses next time.  

Joking (I have no doubt Mrs C is a gorgeous woman!), yes, we are all attracted to our spouses. I think that is normal (?). I don't question it. I sometimes question whether they are (or can be) exactly as attracted to us as we are to them (or in the same way). I am not sure it can be this way; since a woman's attraction is not mainly based on looks alone (though it plays an important and big part too). I realise many women will disagree...but I always thought it is typically more complex for a woman than....'great tits and ass'....

And whether attraction changes over time, as we get older, is another question. Which must happen surely? A 60-year old woman does not look the same when she was 30, it is biology. Plus a a 'predictable', boring husband that has no appetite for life may become boring to the wife too, over time.

I guess it depends whether there were other qualities too that played a part when two people first met each other:the more qualities that were attractive to two people, the more likelihood there is that the desire of staying together into old age will be strong.

If attraction was based on mostly looks, the likelihood is probably not as great (which seems common sense). 

I think it would be foolish to deny that looks don't fade with age or that attraction doesn't vary over time (for either partners) and depending on life circumstances.


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## ConanHub

sunsetmist said:


> I'll bet you look at her in a dangerous way.


Love this phrase!:smile2:


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## ConanHub

BioFury said:


> I'm happy for you guys :grin2:
> 
> I imagine remaining active has played a big role in maintaining your mutual visceral attraction toward one another?


More than likely. We work out together, hike, kayak, explore caves, etc....

It was just funny to realize that even though I didn't recognize her, I was so heavily attracted to her after all this time.:wink2:


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## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> I am still attracted to my husband even though we are both now in our 60's. For me though its not just the physical that makes a man attractive, its his character and personality, his integrity and values, his sense of humour.


Yup. Mrs. C has integrity, dignity, personality, character and a sense of humor that gets me laughing harder than with anyone else.

Without knowing any of that, just the sight of her hit me between the eyes.


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## sunsetmist

So jealous. Every woman wants this----


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## lifeistooshort

For me attraction is linked to how safe I feel.

I was very attracted to my ex as long as I felt safe with him. I really didn't see how much older he was ever though objectively I knew it was true.

But when I realized that he lacked integrity and couldn't be trusted it was like a switch flipped. All of a sudden it was clear how old he was and nothing about him was appealing.

I can forgive a lot of things if I feel otherwise safe.

I'll bet Mrs. Conan feel very safe with you.


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## ConanHub

lifeistooshort said:


> I'll bet Mrs. Conan feel very safe with you.


Except when I'm looking at her "dangerously"!>

Your post makes all the sense in the world BTW.


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## Mr.Married

ConanHub said:


> explore caves, etc....
> 
> :



explore caves ...... straight up F-ing awesome !!!


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## Mr.Married

lifeistooshort said:


> For me attraction is linked to how safe I feel.
> 
> I was very attracted to my ex as long as I felt safe with him. I really didn't see how much older he was ever though objectively I knew it was true.
> 
> But when I realized that he lacked integrity and couldn't be trusted it was like a switch flipped. All of a sudden it was clear how old he was and nothing about him was appealing.
> 
> I can forgive a lot of things if I feel otherwise safe.
> 
> I'll bet Mrs. Conan feel very safe with you.


Great post. It's one of those obvious truths that is obvious only after it is said (usually by one of the women)


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## ConanHub

Mr.Married said:


> explore caves ...... straight up F-ing awesome !!!


She loves it. When we play superheroes in the bedroom, she is Batgirl to my Superman.:grin2:


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## 269370

lifeistooshort said:


> For me attraction is linked to how safe I feel.
> 
> 
> 
> I was very attracted to my ex as long as I felt safe with him. I really didn't see how much older he was ever though objectively I knew it was true.
> 
> 
> 
> But when I realized that he lacked integrity and couldn't be trusted it was like a switch flipped. All of a sudden it was clear how old he was and nothing about him was appealing.
> 
> 
> 
> I can forgive a lot of things if I feel otherwise safe.
> 
> 
> 
> I'll bet Mrs. Conan feel very safe with you.



‘Safe’ in what sense? That you can trust him or that he can protect you? (From whom or what?) what changed it?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## lovelygirl

ConanHub said:


> Yup. Mrs. C has integrity, dignity, personality, character and a sense of humor that gets me laughing harder than with anyone else.
> 
> Without knowing any of that, just the sight of her hit me between the eyes.


I so wish I could have a man say/think this way about me, especially if there is a mutual attraction from both sides. 


It sounds like a dream. 

You and Mrs.C are lucky to have found each other! :smile2:


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## Yeswecan

I'm even more so attracted to my W of 25 years. Over the course of our marriage I have discovered she is the "full package". Loving, caring, trustworthy, excellent mother, adventurous, not afraid of a bit of kink(very passionate in bed) and overall genuinely concerned with my well being physically and spiritually. She puts up with a lot of my crap. How could I not be attracted to her physically and otherwise?


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## ConanHub

lovelygirl said:


> I so wish I could have a man say/think this way about me, especially if there is a mutual attraction from both sides.
> 
> 
> It sounds like a dream.
> 
> You and Mrs.C are lucky to have found each other! :smile2:


Thank you and I wish/hope the same for you!

Funny but I wasn't looking for anyone when we found each other.:smile2:


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## Baldy

At the risk of sounding cliche, I do believe our attraction has grown as we get older. We’re in our sixties, but seem to be attracted physically and emotionally better each day. There were some rough spots in our 40+ years together but they seem to be far back in the rear view mirror. 
Like Conanhub, we are active together. We swim, hike, and dance. Mrs. Baldy still blows me away when she dresses up. 
Congrats to Conanhub and his wife.


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## TheDudeLebowski

A couple of weeks ago my wife sent me two songs saying they reminded her of me. One song is about a boy who worries his mom endlessly because he's so reckless. Running around in the wrong circles, getting high, skipping school, and generally just being a street rat. The song is about how he wouldn't have lived without his mom praying for him. (Its a religious type pop song. God awful song I have to say. Like if one direction put out a Christian album or something) 

The other song (same group) is about how the guy hates himself and all that comes from that. How you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself. Both songs, being Christian songs, always have this uplifting message in the end. Typical stuff like "we relate but this is how you overcome" type stuff that bugs me with religion. Like we all have a set path to walk or something.

So I responded back with this song... 




I said. "That's me right there." 


And she said "that cringe song is a sad song. I hope you don't think I feel that way about you." 

To which I said "sometimes I wonder. But that's probably just how I feel about myself.." With a bunch of other stuff added about how that old saying... Like everything in life, theres exceptions to every rule. I'm the exception. There's nobody who can tell me Jack **** about my love for you, doesn't matter what is said. I know how I feel about myself and I know what I feel about you. Anyone who might say different has no idea and like a worthless parrot is just repeating whatever has been spoken into their ears all their life. 

Then she said "I still have that same 16 year old googly eyes when I look at you." And a bunch of other, private stuff. Basically she said she sees me the exact same. 

She's still the hot chick in 10th grade English class. The girl I hit on at that concert in front of her BF. The girl I talked into riding with me from Lubbock to Oklahoma City to see a Powerman 5000 concert we didnt even have tickets for. Tickets we never got. Ended up watching a movie and sleeping in my car in a La Quinta Inn parking lot. Security came by and knocked on our window. Dude talks himself into and out of everything... So of course he had sympathy after I explained (read "lied") and he showed me where the ice machine was and where the vending machines were. 

16 years old, driving out of state together... She had a BF at the time, yep I stole her away. **** that other guy, in all seriousness, don't give a **** about him or his feelings. She's meant to be mine and I'm meant to be hers. Don't care. I'm sure he's over it now lol. 20 years later haha..

But she's every bit as sexy as the first time I saw her. Well, I mean right now, like this second she's kinda fat. Waddling around asking for random food items and complaining about her feet. So Idk. Ask me again in 3 months bwahahahaha!:grin2:


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## Satisfied Mind

I hear ya, Conan. After 15 years together (almost 12 married), I'm more attracted to my wife than the day we met. She amazes me with her character, her smarts, and her work ethics, she makes me laugh, and she still looks banging hot. She often catches me staring at her (and loves to give me grief for it). When we're apart and can't have sex, she's who I think about when I go solo. I've been distracted half the day today thinking about what I plan to do to her tonight...


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## Mylehigh

I am overwhelmingly attracted to my wife of 30+ years. She is a gorgeous woman, but her self-image suffers. She is probably about 10 lbs over weight, which when she complains about it I tell her I never see it and what does she want??? Me to chase her around even more than I already do??? To me she is amazingly sexy and her imperfect body (by her definition) is still perfect to me.

Unfortunately for us, she is a very LD person as I explained in a prior thread. But every now and then... when she breaks free and gives herself completely to me, I am in absolute sexual heaven. 

We recently started seeing a marriage counselor to address our HD/LD issues and I am hopeful that some recent changes she has shown me in terms of frequency will stick.

But back to your point - funny thing for me is, when I do notice other women that I find attractive, I don't feel out of line for noticing. I just enjoy the notice! And one thing I always notice is how women that resemble my wife in their overall body style, being feminine and curvy while also appearing quite fit and healthy, are the ones that catch my eye and that I find the most appealing. The more they resemble her, the more I am instinctively attracted. But don't worry folks... I keep it at that and don't feel a need to act on such attraction - at least so far! . My point is that my wife has always modeled the ideal in terms of attractiveness to me for my entire adult life. Even my sexual fantasies star her in the show. She flat out does it for me.


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