# "The Romance" vs. "The Marriage"



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I will speak in generalities, but the good men here should make no mistake about their relationships.

There are two tracks to any relationship with a woman.

1) The Romance - this is how it begins. You catch her eye, you express interest. You go out. You tell stories. Soon, you find yourself thinking about her all the time. You start to share music, opinions, etc. You feel young again. She is consistently present. You may even find yourself having sex on the seat of a motorcycle. This is so passionate and hot a time that many mistakes are possible as you "let things go" because it's "not that big of a deal"

2) The "Marriage" - or the "LTR" - this is how it continues. She moves in, you move in, etc. You set up shop. Now, the daily transactional behavior of sharing space, bed, and bathroom start to add up. For any man, this is the time of fitness testing, as the tools at her disposal may become swords or plowshares, depending on the situation. Who texted who first? Who are you texting now? I've had you under surveillance, etc. As each transaction adds up, you begin to realize if you are with a high or low conflict partner. And, as we've established, the higher the conflict, the more likely the "romance" is to continue - IF you manage your fitness tests well.

I speak from 5 years of experience here. I will never have another partner the equal of my wife in the "romance" department. If I told all you good men what happened during the last five years, the Motion Picture Association would have to assign an "X" rating to this thread.

Yet, the romance waxed and waned a bit from time to time. One time almost a year with diminishing returns.

But, here is the hope for all good men here.

Once I grasped what was being said here, the romance went from a "warm status" back up to smoking blazing hot. Of course, I interpreted that as our relationship being in the clear. And, I posted as much.

The "marriage part of it" and specifically issues related to stepchildren and expectations associated with same killed us - at least for now.

IF I had been here 5 years ago, I'd have done a better job on the "marriage" end of things. But, I likely wouldn't have had the same romance. All things considered, I'm not sure I'd make that trade.

Keep your eye on the ball gentlemen. My guess is that it's easier to recapture some of that romance when you have a supportive environment in the "marriage" portion. I'm sure it's a bit less stressful.

But - always keep in mind - some basic level of attraction is necessary.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

What place does friendship have in the "marriage" part?
If you recoil at that word..."partnership"?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Conrad said:


> I will speak in generalities, but the good men here should make no mistake about their relationships.
> 
> There are two tracks to any relationship with a woman.
> 
> ...


But in marriage with children, work, house maintenance etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. there are so many balls to keep your eyes on. Going drop a few occasionally. Some bounce and we catch them some smash and we have to fix them. What we don’t need is an enemy within.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

AFEH said:


> But in marriage with children, work, house maintenance etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. there are so many balls to keep your eyes on. Going drop a few occasionally. Some bounce and we catch them some smash and we have to fix them. What we don’t need is an enemy within.


Well said.

For task-oriented men, realizing that much of it was an illusion eats at your gut.

We are programmed to succeed.

Hurts to fail.

But, we have to remember whose failure it is - and let them own their stuff.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Well said.
> 
> For task-oriented men, realizing that much of it was an illusion eats at your gut.
> 
> ...


I think on the illusion as alternate realities.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> And, as we've established, the higher the conflict, the more likely the "romance" is to continue


LOL! Heh well in my case, that makes a lot of sense. Living freakin' breathin' testiment to that theory. Not sure if it applies to EVERYONE however


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