# He only left 3 weeks ago and has moved on



## lovingmymanstill (Oct 12, 2014)

Hi there,

My husband left only 3 weeks ago and has already moved in with his new girlfriend. I don't think he was doing anything before he actually left, but he did have an affair with this girl 2 years ago and when I found out contact was cut off. Our marriage got bad again and he re-contacted her. He is saying he loves her and can't wait to be married to her and that no one loved him like she does. He is not being honest with me about the extent of their relationship even though I have asked him point blank.

He gets angry with me when I'm not giving him his space to think things through, but the how the hell is he suppose to think things through if he is already shaking up with the new girl. She is 6 years younger then him and I think she is only seeing the single guy of things, not the father side of things or the fact that I am and will always be a part of his life. We had many discussions about separation and how we would handle it as we have had many many couples break up around us.

My question for you all is, could this be just a honeymoon phase and all lovey dovey since it is new and fresh or should I just say forget it there is no chance he is coming home?

We have 3 (16, 10 & 9) kids together and they are dealing with this separation differently. I don't want my two younger children to be at "their place" as it is really hers and there is no room for them to be or call their own space. Is this wrong for me to expect.

I am wanting to remain friends with me and I think we will once he is honest with so I can accept it and move on. 

Please help and any advice from anyone who has been in this similar situation would be great.

thank you


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

LMMS,

You can see it all over the place on TAM. If you are expecting answers that you want, you will be disappointed.

I think your best course of action is to start building your new life without him.

Sorry,
Stretch


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

They don't make sense. They rewrite your history. They say things that aren't true, convinced that they are. At one point, my STBX told me I never supported him or even showed him that I cared in ten years of marriage (I'm pretty sure our young children less than ten years old were proof enough of that lie). I told him flat out, "I don't know what your motives are for rewriting our history, but it doesn't make it true." 

It's going to be hard for a while. But you will get through. There will be times you won't feel like you can survive but you will. I'm proof of that. It's going to be o.k. Just stay strong through the storm, and don't let him get to you.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Start the 180. Separate the finances. Get a temporary support order going. Show him how this is going to go down financially.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

My ex is on his third soulmate since we split 2 and a half years ago (he moved the first one in after about a month and then it took an awfully long time for him to get rid of her after she went through his money). 

However I would look at the possibility that he never lost contact with this girl. It would be an absolute deal breaker for me - there is no way I'd have someone back if they shacked up with someone wihtin a few weeks of splitting. Is that the case for you?

I would start going through with divorce proceedings. You can't force someone to feel a certain way about you and you can't control his actions. All you can do is take control of your life and start planning for life without him. It might wake him up and it might not but that shouldn't be why you do it

And friends is a long way off - don't expect that


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Friendship isn't required. Just being able to speak civil, and having a set schedule for visitation. Focus on being a co-parent, not a friend. Treat him as you would a coworker.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> Start the 180. Separate the finances. Get a temporary support order going. Show him how this is going to go down financially.


The 180 will help you grow and heal as a person. I think the best thing I did for myself was to look at the situation, understand and acknowledge what I did wrong, forgive myself and try to be a better person going forward.

Once again, when you realize that you can only control you and not the WAS, it gives a clearer path to the future,with or without the WAS is irrelevant.

I have a solid peace of mind.

Start your healing,
Stretch


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

He is giving you a clear message; You are not as important to him as his new fling.

Take it to heart, file for D and then go dark.
Reality will set in for him eventually.

As for "friends"....would you stay friends with a person who treated you like he did?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Does he want the kids to stay over with them?

He should be a responsible parent. He needs to be there for them.

Eventually he will have to get a bigger place.

Will he come back? If you make it clear that the door is open, he'll calculate that into his plans. His plan to have a plan B mate is bad for you. If you are not available, there is some small chance he will change.

For your own sake you must move on. He says she loves him. Believe him.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Are there any court orders in place? If there is a custody order granting him time, you don't get to decide if he can take them or where. 

He doesn't need to be your friend either. He should speak respectfully like any other adult. But nothing more, nothing less.


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

Why would you want him back? I know how you feel...I was there looking for a way to "make" my STBXW fall back in love with me. Thank God I'm not there. I listened to the advice of posters on here. Did the 180, concentrated on me and my two girls and along the way discovered that I was better off. Now the fog is lifting from my STBXW and has lifted from me. Karma is real...and it's a good thing. I'm civil to my STBXW but will never be friends. Why would I want friends that have no regard for commitment, family, or love? The answer is I don't. You have to come to that realization on your own.


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