# Husband is not interested in sex anymore.



## xsunnyx (Jan 20, 2012)

Hello guys wondered if anyone can help me out with this especially mens opinions.:smthumbup:

I have been married to my husband since July 2008 and since then we have had 2 children. I am 24 and he is 27. Since my first child was born the sex has just slowly disappeared from our marriage. I adressed the problem 3 years ago and told him if he didn't tell me whats wrong it would get worse.

Before i had my fist child we would have sex all the time everyday, now i havnt changed im slim, good looking big boobs really hot if i dont mind saying,lol and i get told it all the time.
My friends say i am wasted on him
Big problem is my husband never compliments me when we go out or says anything nice. The other day we went to a new pub and he introduced me to his pool mates and one rather drunk friend shouted YOU F**KING LUCKY BASTARD.
I should have felt flattered but instead i burned inside thinking yea well he never wants me ,ever we never have sex.

Right now i recon we have sex once a month if that, now before he always initiated it as we just both new when we wanted eachother and i was always up for it. Now..... i try but i get excuse after excuse. best one so far is i will get cramp:sleeping:

Last night when he got home from work i sent him a sms from the bedroom saying am i lying here naked for nothing?

Guess what he stayed downstairs and watch tv all night. He only ever makes a pass at me when hes drunk?? So theres an ego knock for me he has to be wasted to have the urge!

I really feel like i cant even love him anymore when the sex goes all the connection does and its like the glue in a relationship

I just feel like going out and finding a lover, why would he even care . For me its not even about sex i just want someone to desire me and fill my love tank becuase its bone dry.

I know some men go funny when they see a birth but he didnt even see anything i wouldnt let him and both births were very straight forward i dint need stiches or anything.

I was so paranoid that my vg wasnt tight enough but that was put to rest as my doctor said i was tiny in my examination and need a smaller tool, sorry over details there.

What do i do i am only 24 and i feel like i will never be happy with him


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## xsunnyx (Jan 20, 2012)

o and we always get alone time without the kids


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I wish I could help. I am always totally stumped when a thread like this appears. I am 56 and want sex all of the time. My wife is the perfect body type for me (size 4 jeans, small breasts) so if I ever got a call telling me that she was in bed naked and waiting on me...I don't care if it was in the middle of the Superbowl, I would be on her in 30 seconds! She is typical of many women in that she has what is called “responsive desire,” while my sexual response is more likely characterized by “spontaneous desire.” This simply means that I am not likely to get the "I am in bed naked waiting for you" phone call. I am the one who most often lights the fire...then she responds.

Have you tried asking him what the problem is?

Have you considered counseling?

I guess one way to handle this is stop chasing him. Start dressing up and going out with friends. Act disinterested in him. Maybe he will realize what he could lose.


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## xsunnyx (Jan 20, 2012)

Thank you romantic_guy very good tip! x


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## The_Swan (Nov 20, 2011)

It really doesn't matter what you look like. If he's not sexually attracted, he's not sexually attracted.
I know that sounds blunt but I don't want you thinking there is something wrong with your appearance and causing yourself needless stress over it. 

There is a problem that he's not talking about and he probably doesn't know how to communicate it.
Similarly, you may not know how to handle it if he can't communicate his problem. 
You really must remember to be patient with him when you talk and make sure you won't be interrupted.

Seek counseling if need be. 
Any possibility he may be watching porn or having an affair?


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

*but he didnt even see anything i wouldnt let him*
could that be the cause.


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## Zhopa (Jan 18, 2012)

Hello XSunnyX,

We have the same problem... after having the baby, my wife, who used to match my high level of desire (heck we'd do it any chance we could get through the ninth month) utterly lost interest. Refused to have her hormone levels checked, though something changed... refused to do anything to even try and make this better.

There are variations in details, as my wife's sexual rejection of me has expanded to other areas; for example, she puts me down in front of the children or in front of other people. Does the non-sex extend to other areas (not necessarily abuse, but perhaps there is something)? 

Think about it...I am not certain that counselling is useful or just prolonging the inevitable with the counsellors making the big money.

Of course we could swop partners and everyone will be happy... just kidding as I'm a dirty old man of 47... but the point is, you and I feel that good frequent sex is important to the relationship and our spouses do not. Romantic_Guy is on the mark: I have stopped chasing, I'm nice & cold... and at least the public put-downs have stopped, I'm getting some respect.


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## MoneyIsEverything (Feb 12, 2012)

Maybe he's lost interest because he's money stressed. Do you ladies have any idea how stressful a well-paying job is? Thanks to my wife, we now have a bankruptcy on our record. We are recovering slowly, but it's been a long, hard road, and it's been on my back, not my wife's. She only cares about "things" and "shopping." Sex? Ha! Too tired, and I don't care anymore. Bottom line, ladies, is: Are you just a greed machine? Be honest!!!


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

accept said:


> *but he didnt even see anything i wouldnt let him*
> could that be the cause.


I've found that there are three main things that cause this kind of behaviour in men:

 Wife gains weight
 Wife is in charge
 Man is very stressed
Two of those are pretty self-explanatory. The one in the middle can be a bit not-politically-correct these days, because we're not supposed to say that a woman should be submissive or anything like that. People tend to think you're religious or very traditional. However, even avowed atheists who have read much about PUA or Game can tell you that things work best when guys are the dominant one in the relationship. That doesn't mean it isn't hot for a woman to initiate sex and get on top and stuff like that, but the guy typically likes to feel like he is calling the shots in general.

If you're calling the shots outside of the bedroom, he might just avoid the bedroom altogether.


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## Cupcake37 (Nov 19, 2011)

sunny- not sure if I have any advice but I am in a similar position and know how you feel. It has been 5 weeks since my husband and I have had sex and it's killing me! I don't know what else to do either, I take care of myself, dress nicely, do most of the housework and nothing. Some days I can barely bring myself to talk to him. He just doesn't see there being a problem! Part of me has given up as I know I am not going to change him, ( unlike your husband my husband has never been interested in sex!) and just have to get on with it. Other days I am evil and angry and feel that he is being cruel to me.I feel that I am missing out on so much and there is no intimacy. I too can spend hours getting ready to go out and nothing, he doesn't say anything to me! He just doesn't see me.I have two young children so leaving him isn't an option. 

Sorry, I don't have any advice but just wanted to say you are not alone and sending you hugs XXX


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## barbieDoll (Jul 7, 2011)

Sending you xoxo's my dear because I've been in the same situation for well over a year. Actually your post made me cry because I'm totally with you on this.

Sometimes I wonder if I should "join the other team".. ever think that way? I sure do. At least, for anyways.

Hang in there my dear.. you have support in me.


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

Maybe, I've been married 13 years and have not had sex in the last 1 or 2.. I don't remember which.. sad I know but a long time.. I think the beginning of 2011 or end of 2010.. I just have no desire to have sex with her at all.. none.. 

Our problem revolved around her cheating but I mean once the desire fades and some becomes none, it stays that way... and I'm not a bad looking guy, nor is she a bad looking lady.. I just have no desire at all for her...and I have rejected her so many times that now neither of us initiate.. I would suggest you do something b4 one or both of you end up in my boat...


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I just feel like going out and finding a lover, why would he even care . For me its not even about sex i just want someone to desire me and fill my love tank becuase its bone dry.

Don't even think about it. Separate first if you have to. 

I think he might be having some problem communicating with you. Talk to him, tell him your concerns. If you fail to get to him, go to counselling


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## TallJeff (Nov 1, 2011)

This stuns me and I can't imagine what some men think.

I'm hornier at 37 than I was at 16 (and I didn't think that was possible). I'm amazed to hear there are 27yo men with eager, gorgeous wives whose affection is going to waste.

I say go to counseling. You don't deserve a lifetime of this.


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## seahorse (Apr 10, 2010)

Ask him what the problem is (be direct), then let him talk. Finally, go to counseling. Go by yourself if he won't go with you.

Good luck

-seahorse


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

perhaps quit showing so much interest in him, back off. go out a few times without him. act a little distant and mysterious


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

It's really a hard one as without some sort of input from him, it's really hard to know what your target is. With out a target, where do you aim?


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

More than a few of us women have been going through the same thing. Husbands not interested.

I agree with the standard reasons
resentment
weight gain
stress
unhappiness

When your partner cannot or won't tell you what the reason is, it's hard to move forward.

You could try the woman's version of the 180. Get really busy with your own life, focus on being happy. Gets your mind off of it too.

But I do believe that partners need to learn how to communicate what is going on. It's not too late to learn. I just don't personally accept "I don't know". They need to find out the reasons, and participate in working on the why's. Or it's not really a marriage.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

There are so many possible reasons, first and foremost may be a health issue. 

He may be embarrassed about the potential for a problem or feeling insecure or inadequate. 

Stress can have a major impact on the frequency of sex. If you are tired and focused on work, bills, kids and all the responsibility rather than on the moment and being happy and relaxed.

My husband has all kinds of guys at work complaining all the time about not getting any from their wives. This really made him appreciate his situation. 

I have spent the last several years really working on my spiritual growth. This has made me very aware of where my focus is. I spent lots of time focusing on things that caused stress instead of living in the moment and really enjoying all the positive there is.

Learning to let the crap go, and let me tell ya most of it is just crap, has been very good for me and for my life in general.

The bills will be there tomorrow but the time that you missed to share your love and be happy, well, time we can't get back, it is just gone.

My husband and I make a point of doing little things to share our love for each other. We send texts to each other. We appreciate the little things as well as the big things. We let annoyances go and focus on the positive aspects. We touch each other more, hugs or back rub or just a caress. We make sure tell each other "I love you" every morning and never leave without a kiss first. We snuggle up to each other on the couch to watch a TV show or movie. We hold hands. 

It is amazing how sometimes all these little things that are so common in courtship, get left behind when you have been married for a while. Bringing them back into our daily life has improved our intimacy and the example that we are setting for our children.

Communication is key. Sometimes it is hard to open up when you are embarrassed or insecure, but it can improve things so much when you have those open lines of communication. It may take counselors to get the information that each of you need.


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