# I'm Lost!



## parandal (Jan 13, 2013)

My name is Paul and I am having some fairly severe issues in my marriage. I don't even know where to begin and wouldn't mind starting a dialog with someone just so I can air these issues. After 20 years of marriage I feel like I have failed at just about everything .. I am at the end of my rope for sure and just need some help.


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## parandal (Jan 13, 2013)

Just to get started with some info. When it comes to sex this is what it is like: If she initiates (which is rare) then we have sex. If I initiate (is becoming rare) then I immediately feel like she does not want to engage. That ruins everything for days. I feel neglected and hurt and she just thinks I am a perv or something. She says "if we would have had sex you wouldn't be upset" but she doesn't realize that it is her unselfish act that I want ... I want her to want the act as well ... It is so bad, so scary, that now I don't initiate because I don't want to feel those neglected feelings. It's immediate to ... the second I initiate .. thats it .. I just don't get a vibe from her or don't feel she wants to be with me. I can't stand this. This is but one of the issues that I am facing right now.


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## parandal (Jan 13, 2013)

I have had issues in the past with not doing what I feel I should do as a man and a husband. Leading the family financially, spiritually, emotionally. I believe that is my role in the home. I do think that is one reason she does not act like she loves me. I haven't given her much to love over the years. There is so much history here ... I want to tell it all but my fingers would fall off. So much of this history though has a direct impact on the issues we are having. For instance, before I started college, which took me 6 years, I was outgoing, smoked like crazy ... pretty easy going. I went to college and got my Bachelors in Computer Science ... as may imagine that was a tough course. My last year of school I was a psychological wreck and she asks for a divorce. Now I had to finish school with the burden of divorce. We split up, I got my own place. I graduated finally (barely) and 6 months later we got back together (she seduced me one night .. kind of funny that the problem we have with sex now is the one thing she used to get me back). After all that stress from school and the almost divorce I was no longer the same man. I couldn't handle things well emotionally and honestly I was bitter towards her for leaving me when I was going through such a rough time in school.

Needless to say, it has been 4 years since then and things have gotten progressively worse. Communication goes out the window quickly now days. Sex is very limited .. spaced out .. however I will say that when we do have sex it is pretty good. I would say very good ... but who knows what that means.

Anyway, I would love to get a dialog going with some folks about all this. I just need some input on how to handle this. Some people say to just concentrate on myself and don't ask her for sex. I intend to do this but I just don't want to make any mistakes!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its time you guys start to talk about boundries and expectations and meeting each others needs.
As you can tell its only getting worse so do this marriage a favor and open up this can of worms and face the issues head on.

Its time brother to stand up and stake your claim and regain that aman that she married, and not the man she has been with for so many years.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dude its so easy to get into this kind of funk, but you have to command respect and take control in a calm and rational marriage and that all start by speaking up no matter how much your old lady hates it.

Its time to reclaim your old self by not telling your chick how you feel but showing her you are confident enough to stop tolorating her bull crap. 

So stop using words like " Ifeel like this" and replace them with "I want this" jst like word like "I don't like this" versus " this is unacceptable"

Life is to short man. its time to start telling your chick what you want and the consequences for not getting your needs met.

Some times showing her how confident you are and raising your attraction leve is all you need to show her that you can move on with out her and what she is about to lose.

Ofetn we get into a rut and things get taken for granted and we get complaceant with each other. Until we start stirring the sh1t pot that we realize that its time to shape up or lose a good thing.

Thats the thing "hes not going anywere " mind set takes place and there are no consequences for bad behaviors.....you have to show her different and there will be consequences for this kind of disrespect.

Until your willing to let her go she will have your number and that kind of thinking is no good for a marriage


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## behappy123 (Jan 5, 2013)

Intimacy problems happen in most relationships eventually. Trust me when I say that you need to figure it out now before it gets too out of hand. I unfortunately lost my libido with my husband and now seven years later, he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore even though we have been working on the problem. 
It causes too much resentment and destroys both parties. 
You two need to sit down and have a heart to heart about how to move past this. Have you guys had a discussion about it before? Is she just not interested in sex or is there something that is bugging her to make her reject you? 
When are you usually approaching her about it? What do you do to initiate it and how does she respond?


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