# Need advice



## anon101010 (Jan 27, 2014)

I am a 31 year old mother of 2 boys and a stepchild. I have been married for almost 12 years and am thinking of seperating right now. My husband an I have been having problems for years in my opinion because of his drinking and anger issues. He would say the strife in the relationship is my fault. There has been repeated verbal abuse since the beginning and I feel like i'm finally at my wits end. I have tried to hang in there for the kids but at this point I dont want them absorbing the turmoil in the household, nor seeing him as an example of how to be a man and treat women. There are times when everything is good, if he isn't angry or mad about things. Most other times he is drinking. He is either really amped up and happy acting when he's drinking or he's really angry and aggressive. The problem with the amped up happy drunk side is that he drinks every day from the time he gets home from work so I never really get to interact with the real him. It's like having your drunk uncle over every day, you just tolerate him but there's no connection. Then there is the angry side. He gets really angry at any little thing, something that is always my fault, usually something i've said, and he becomes aggressive, verbally abusive and it's become physical in the fact that he has choked me, thrown drinks in my face, pushed me, slammed my hand in a door, scratched me, etc. He will rant for hours and if I try to leave the room he follows me. I often try to go to bed and he follows me and sits on the bed and continues his rant about how I'm a *****, inept, a deaf mute, stupid, crazy, whatever he can think of to try and hurt my feelings. I just sit there and take it because there is no rationalizing with him. Then i wake up the next morning and nothing is ever addressed about his behavior, only about what led up to it, what i did that made him so mad. It's really caused me to put up a wall for him and I dont think he understands the pain it causes to hear these things from someone who is supposed to love and cherish you. I know he has issues from his childhood and didnt have a good role model for a father or how to be a husband but I still dont think this means that i have to deal with this. Sometimes i think i'm over reacting especially when i can't get him to admit he's done anything wrong. Today i asked him had he ever berated me for hours and after much pushing he said "Yeah, i have, so what?" So this alarms me that he doesnt think there is anything wrong with it. The verbal abuse that is escaled by the drinking is my main purpose for wanting to leave but there are others. I just feel like they all stem from the wall that i have built up against him due to the verbal harrassment. I just wonder should I stay and try MC or should I give him the divorce papers and break up my family? I've asked him before to do counseling and he says he will but never does. I've asked him many times to stop drinking or cut down and he does for a day or two and then it's back to normal. He's been prescribed an anti-anxiety medication that he doesnt take, i've begged him to do so and he wont because he doesnt like the side effects. Every way to better himself he has an excuse not to do it. I just dont think this will ever end and i dont want to be unhappy for the rest of my life with him. The kids makes the equation so much more complicated...


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

One. There is no reason for any physical abuse. None whatsoever. You are not a martyr.

Two. Children thrive in a loving environment. Yours isn't. Having them around a drunk and abusive father is not healthy for them. 

Three. Get an attorney asap and file for divorce papers. This could be the shock treatment your husband needs to wake his sorry ass up.

Four. Put a voice activated tape recorder on you at all times. Because you will call the police the next time he does any physical violence. The tape recorder will be your evidence to the cops that you weren't lying. 

Five. Don't waste any time and get out as fast as you can. Let him clean up his act, and you decide whether or not he is changed person. 

There is no room for physical and verbal violence in any relationship.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

He drinks and is violent and has no interest in changing. And don't get involved with blaming yourself for his bad behavior or seeking his acceptance for your decision.


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## MissFroggie (Sep 3, 2013)

This is a dangerously abusive relationship. Having children does not complicate it, it simplifies it - you need to get out asap! No excuses, no delays. Report it to the police. They will log it and be ready to respond, might even speak to him or make an arrest if you have evidence and if you need help legal, financial, housing, counselling etc etc they will have all the info and advice of who to turn to in your area. Do it today!


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