# What is it that Husbands need from their Wives?



## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Was just sittin here, thinking, and kinda wondering, what do husbands need/want/desire/expect from their wives? Ive been married to my hubby for almost 3 years and he doesnt tell me what he wants/needs/desires/expects from me, so maybe some of you married men out there can help. Sure hope so


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

amberlynn this could be very interesting !! my husband never says he expects anything but i guess he must expect certain things from me !! i have to ask him lol


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

From my perspective:

When I get home from work and its been a tough day, please let me vent. You are my best friend and I want to turn to you. Please hear me out and dont change the subject or drop me and talk to the kids. They need to learn to wait sometimes too. If not talk to me about it later. I need to feel that you appreciate me working hard for us as a family, and your support and a hug can make a bad day ok. I should do the same for you as well.

If I come up behind you for a hug, please dont shove me off. I need affection too. It makes me feel appreciated. Also, a hug, kiss or a touch on the arm or shoulder to show you care can go along way to reassuring me that you care.

Please dont talk down to me because my mind doesnt work like yours. I have valid thoughts and feelings too. Please dont belittle me infront of others. It makes me feel useless and unloved.

If you arent working having a nice dinner ready once and awhile is so sweet. Very much appreciated. I should do the same for you if I am home and you are working.

Tell me you love me. Tell me you are proud of me as a man/husband/father. I have a ego too that needs attention. If not I will feel deflated and withdraw from you. Then I dont want to do the things you ask of me and you will resent me and the vicious cycle will continue on and on.

Please understand that having sex with you is very important to me. It is a re-affirmation of our love. I need to understand that yes sometimes you have to say no as you just cant do it. Denying me all the time makes me insecure. Please dont be affraid to initiate from time to time too. It shows me you desire me and being able to please you sexually makes me feel good about myself.

Please understand that sometimes I might not be as patient with the kids as you. I try my best. Maybe I have to do more. Help me with this. If it looks like Im getting frustrated step in and help resolve the situation. Dont just stand there or pretend you are alseep and listen so you have something else to use against me.

Please understand that I need time on my own periodically. Remember that you do as well and take time for yourself. We each need to be responsible for the happiness in ourselves and when we come together we can make it even better.

Please forgive me if I dont understand your need for gossip or love of fluff on television. Its just not my thing, much like sports or historical documentaries may not be your thing.

Please dont make me feel like Im not a good enough provider (unless Im not). I try my best. I wish I could give you and our children the world. When you tell me how much you "hate this house" or "hate that we cant do what so and so is doing" it makes me feel like less of a man, and a failure. Its really really important for you not to do this if I am the sole provider of income.

Please dont buy things behind my back. I need to trust you with everything. Perhaps I need to be more open minded and approachable. If th money just isnt there though, we cant do it. Work on a strategy with me so we can get it for you in time. I shouldnt have to do without anything so you can have what you want. Its a two way street. If my trust is broken here it will make me wonder about a great deal of other things I am trusting you with.

Please be careful of your relationships with other men. Its fine if its someone I know and am comfortable with. Stop and think of the way you are talking to someone and whether or not I would be OK with it. Remember also that there is a very good chance that they just want one thing from you, and you know what it is. I in turn dont talk to other women except in a professional capacity. I know you are very uncomfortable this way and would go over the edge if you felt I overstepped your boundary with it.

One of the most important. Please dont lie to me. Its one of the most hurtful things you could do. I need your honesty as you need mine. Even the seemingly innocent lies begin to add up and can be very destructive. It sets up a path that could lead down and down to our ruin.


Im sure there is more, but thats quite a bit. None of these things felt fulfilled in my marriage. If there is a next time, I wont ignore my needs anymore. Its different for everyone though so only some will apply to a situation with your husband.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

all men are different, according to the bible, what God tells women to do, is respect their husbands.

Thats not going to help though, if you have chosen a bad partner.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

I have a wonderful husband, i was unable to walk for 3 months, and he was there for me, he made sure i had everything i needed, he made sure i wasnt home alone with the baby while he worked..i dont know what i would have done without him. 

He doesnt ever tell me when he needs from me, sometimes during a movie, he will randomly say "i love you", and its a given when he wants sex...he goes straight for my ears.. other then that, i dont know what else i could give him..i dont know what else he desires, ive asked him once befor and all i get is "i dont know, ive got you what else could i ever want" .. its really sweet and i love him more then anything in this world, but i want to give him more..just at a loss as to what to give him.


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

Do you know his love language?

When you do things for him watch carefully how he reacts. Chances are you will figure out the things that are most important to him and know what you need to do. Some things he wont react as strongly to as its not really what hes looking from you.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

I think Im gonna go buy the 5 Languages of Love and read it, just to get an idea of what his might be...he's really hard to figure out sometimes, his anger sometimes gets the best of him.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Anent post #3...agree completely!!! I couldn't have said it better! Thank you DA!!


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

amberlynn said:


> I think Im gonna go buy the 5 Languages of Love and read it, just to get an idea of what his might be...he's really hard to figure out sometimes, his anger sometimes gets the best of him.


I highly recommend that you do. It is an excellent book and may see somethings afterwards that should have been so odvious. Thats what it did for me anyways. I never got the chance to use that knowledge but at least I know for the future. For you it is a wise investment into your future before things get to where one party considers things too far gone.

Dcrim - Your welcome. Thats just how I feel but Im sure others feel much the same with a different emphasis on what is most important. Im sure there are som of us too that dont really even know what it is they need yet, just that something is missing.


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

post 3 this is what my wife does all the time apart from initiate ..she finds that amazinly hard to do !!! but my hat goes of to her because she trys so hard ...

saying that it is give and take


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## Gert B Frobe (May 6, 2011)

Guys usually only complain when there is something to complain about. So, no news is good news. Just pay attention to the few things he does. Example, if he says "that bj was awesome" Keep up the bj's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

This thread is almost 7 years old, so I doubt that most of the original posters are still around...


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