# My Wife wants to seperate



## eeagle99 (Feb 19, 2010)

My wife wants us to seperate. I have done somethings that I'm not proud of in the past. I was addicted to gambling, I beat it and she stayed with me. I lied that i had quit smoking and she still stayed with me. I reconnected with an odl girlfreind on facebook, I was texting her and even saw her a couple of times. We didn't do anything wrong, but instead of telling my wife about her I tried to keep it a secret. She found out about it and now wants to seperate. We have a daughter and a house and have been together for 17 years. She says she is tired of catching me in lies and has had enough. Im not sure what to do? I still love her very much and she says she loves me too, but that isnt enough anymore. She is going to councilling and I think I need to go see one myself. I'm scared that if I move out she will realize that she doesn't want to get back with me again, but if I dont everything might never be able to get fixed. I could really use some advide by someone who has been in a situation like this before.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Your instincts are correct, get into counseling to discuss your self destructive tendencies. Let your wife know you are doing it and in the future you'd like to seek counseling together to see if you can work on the marriage. You have used up all your good will with her so you are on a zero tolerance. If you have committed to change, stick to those and don't faulter. Don't dote on her but show her you care.


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## lillylilac (Feb 17, 2010)

I think you wife has been reasonable up until now... imagine if the tables were turned... how would you feel!

I think you do need to seek councelling to try and resolve issues you have.

Your wife probably needs time to try and work out how she feels. At the moment she probably feels betrayed... I know you didn't do anything but the fact you did it behind her back she probably doesn't know what you will do next. 
She is probably really hurt.

Hope you manage to get some resolution to you problems and I do wish you all the best in the furture.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Well, you may find that no matter what you do, it's too little, too late. She's put up with a lot of s*it. I don't believe that "nothing happened" with the old gf, for example; why should she--you lie, she knows you lie, and she may well be "done" with subjecting herself to that no matter what you do.

None of that matters right now, however, b/c you need to get your S*it together for your own sake and for your daughter. Leave your wife alone to figure out her end, and do whatever it takes to learn to care a LOT more about yourself so you don't fall back into easy old habits. usually lies are about conflict avoidance--what the hell are you so afraid of? Your wife is already planning to leave--you have NOTHING to lose by being honest with yourself, your therapist, and everyone around you. Good luck; you will be happier no matte what if you commit to real change.


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## Need2Go (Feb 22, 2010)

*I am so sorry to interupt..*

I am soooo sorry to interupt this thread BUTTT I just joined today and can't figure out how to post a new thread... Can someone help me PLEASE...
AGAIN soooo sorry
Thank you in advance for any info and help.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

*Re: I am so sorry to interupt..*



Need2Go said:


> I am soooo sorry to interupt this thread BUTTT I just joined today and can't figure out how to post a new thread... Can someone help me PLEASE...
> AGAIN soooo sorry
> Thank you in advance for any info and help.


I sent you a PM with instructions. Let me know if you have any other questions. I'll delete this post in 24 hours. Good luck.


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