# Looking for personal experiences.....



## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

Just a few questions, if anyone wants to chime in.

How long after your separation did your feelings of love toward your WS start to die? During the separation did they live alone, with family or same sex roommate (not with an AP), or did they move in with their AP? 

How did your WSs' affairs turn out? Any of them end up together long-term? If not, what, in your opinion caused it to disintegrate? I'm not looking for R stories, just situations where you ceased to be in love with your WS and you both went your separate ways (divorced), and what was the aftermath?

I've experienced a big change in my feelings for my STBXW in the last couple of weeks. We have very limited contact due to our daughter, and I find that I can't even stomach her presence or even her voice on the phone, almost a revulsion. I view this as a huge step in the right direction


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

maincourse99 said:


> Just a few questions, if anyone wants to chime in.
> 
> How long after your separation did your feelings of love toward your WS start to die? During the separation did they live alone, with family or same sex roommate (not with an AP), or did they move in with their AP?
> 
> ...


A ha - interesting

Well her last affair, of many, started in March and she was gone end of April.
She expected him to leave his wife....which he did'nt! She still has contact with OM in an ongoing project situation, which I know would drive her mad as I exposed it to OM wife so that relationship got nailed.

I, 4 months separated later, like you, now find her loathsome and breathing the same air is like taking in poison. My feelings have changed and the 'love' 'fog' that has always defended supported her has now definitely dissipated so that my judgement of her as a person is now much easier to make. 

I do still have 'feelings' for her but I assume they are on the wane as I get my life back together 

I also think there is someone else on her scene as she finds being completely alone almost impossible.

My contact is like yours - apart from the kids nil. It took three months to get that way as she constantly wanted to remain amicable and for us all to "move on" doing things "together" with the kids - insane after what she has put us and other married families through

My counselor says the anger is "healthy" in this situation but not forever 

To be honest I'm not happy with this 24 hr anger bitterness rage I still feel as its very much not like me and I feel I've been emotionally tampered with but I'm hoping I can still maintain my intensity toward her but keep it under control more as time goes on 

In answer to your affair question I think as little as 5% go onto become anything meaningful after being exposed publicly. I think that's a figure I often see


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## IseeU (Jul 13, 2012)

I never went through anger or rage.
I was broken and sad and that was all and then over time i just thought about him less and less although I would hurt everytime i'd hear he was single or newly attached.

I have remarried but still love my ex. Pathetic i know. He was my first love.

The ex has had several relationships, cheated on everyone (even his AP's) as far as I know. He did me a favor by leaving me.

The man I'm married to now is superior to my ex in every way.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

My love towards her died when I came back to my house after I told her to pack up and move and many of my belongings were taken. 

Thats a very traumatic experience to see that. House just empty like that, devoid of life or signs people lived there. 

While that killed any affection I had for her, it was the start of a long bout of depression.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

She is still with the loser. It's been about 8 months since her affair started, 5 months since divorce started and there are cracks in the already weak foundation they built their selfish and ugly relationship on. I still care about her but that is thankfully waning. Just a couple months ago I would still have done anything for her even after she had moved out to sleep with another man. Time heals all wounds but it doesn't pay the orthodontist. The amount of stress she decided to put our family through so she could feel some brief happiness are what helps me get over her


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

maincourse99 said:


> How long after your separation did your feelings of love toward your WS start to die? During the separation did they live alone, with family or same sex roommate (not with an AP), or did they move in with their AP?


Although I filed or divorce one year after, that feeling of love didn't die until more than two years later. He had his own place at the beach. He never had just one affair partner. He had a steady stream of women. At various times a couple of women have lived with him. Some of that drama gets him evicted--He's on place #3.



maincourse99 said:


> How did your WSs' affairs turn out? Any of them end up together long-term? If not, what, in your opinion caused it to disintegrate? I'm not looking for R stories, just situations where you ceased to be in love with your WS and you both went your separate ways (divorced), and what was the aftermath?


None of them have been long-term. As my children say, all of the women have either been crazy, trashy, or both crazy and trashy. We have been separated for 4 1/2 years. I have been unable to work since 2009 due to illness. The doctors/psychologists larger blame my condition on him. Since I rely on him for health insurance, the divorce is suspended. He is a highly paid professional who has hit rock bottom. He is flat out broke, behind on child support and alimony, drives a ratty old luxury car, has no credit, and is probably soon going to be moving back in with his family. 




maincourse99 said:


> I experienced a big change in my feelings for my STBXW in the last couple of weeks. We have very limited contact due to our daughter, and I find that I can't even stomach her presence or even her voice on the phone, almost a revulsion. I view this as a huge step in the right direction


I rarely talk to him. Any communication is usually through e-mail. That's best, since he is a compulsive liar. After almost five years, I can honestly say my feelings for him are indifferent. You'll get there one day.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

It's odd you posted this question. I was just thinking, how do I know if I still love him?

Found out about his EA's in Sept of last year.. he's been out of the house for 6 1/2 months, he's a truck driver so "home" only 1 1/2 days a week, so he just stays in a hotel.

Since Dday, I think my feelings for him have dissipated each day since.... is it from loss of respect? loss of trust? Lack of confession/truth? Knowing he could carry on a "friendship" with a hs gf for our entire 9 year marriage shows me his lack of true commitment to me, does this make it easier to detach?

Now he is surprised at how I can go without talking to him,, or that I don't miss him. ( we don't have kids together, so other than a couple bills, there's no necessity to talk)

He is all alone, both his EA partners are married, and never had plans to abandon their marriages.... so he is no longer in contact... ( that's why he is begging, pleading, for me to give him another chance to "now" be the husband he failed to be for the last 5 years...


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

Some very enlightening comments, thanks so much. Interesting that tonight she calls because she wants to do our daughters' hair for a special event my daughter and I have to attend. A couple of months ago I would have said by all means, yes come over. Tonight I just said we'll take care of it, no need to drop by. I actually started panicking at the thought of her being here. And to top it off, my daughter got a splinter from a toothpick at ten o'clock, and guess who took the tweezers with her to her new apartment without telling me? I have a child here! I wanted to go over there and tweeze out her eyeballs. It's amazing how my feelings have changed within the last few weeks.


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