# Guy Code..



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

So, I contacted my husbands old best friend through facebook. Basically asking him to give me information on how far my husband went when he was out drinking. I know he flirted..alot..but I basically asked this guy to give me some details. BC I found out last night, that the night before I delivered my first daughter..he was overly flirting with a woman and wanted to kiss her but this guy supposedly pulled him away, to leave the bar. 

I know all about guy code. I was hoping me being overly concerned with the matter would make him respond to me.

Do you think Im crazy..and Guy Code is far too strong for him to break it even though they haven't hung out in a while. 

Any outlook is appreciated.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Nikki1023 said:


> So, I contacted my husbands old best friend through facebook. Basically asking him to give me information on how far my husband went when he was out drinking. I know he flirted..alot..but I basically asked this guy to give me some details. BC I found out last night, that the night before I delivered my first daughter..he was overly flirting with a woman and wanted to kiss her but this guy supposedly pulled him away, to leave the bar.
> 
> I know all about guy code. I was hoping me being overly concerned with the matter would make him respond to me.
> 
> ...


Did you hear about this "Guy Code" on Oprah? Sorry...

If he and your H aren't on the best of terms - he might give up some info. 

I tend to think that a lot of people really wouldn't appreciate you dragging them into the middle of things like that and would just keep their mouths shut.


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Did you hear about this "Guy Code" on Oprah? Sorry....


HAHA, not exactly. Is that your sarcastic way of saying it dosent exist?

And in regards to pulling someone into my issues- I would think a phone call or knock at the door might be more along those lines.

But a FB message, not so much. ESP if I made it clear that I understood if he didnt want to answer me. 

Thanks anyways


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

There's more of a chance that he tells your husband that your asking him questions or he may just hit on you instead.


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Kobo said:


> There's more of a chance that he tells your husband that your asking him questions or he may just hit on you instead.


Yea, I figured thatd be a possibility.

I doubt he'd hit on me, hes not one of those kind of people.

Thanks for your insight


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Nikki1023 said:


> HAHA, not exactly. Is that your sarcastic way of saying it dosent exist?
> 
> And in regards to pulling someone into my issues- I would think a phone call or knock at the door might be more along those lines.
> 
> ...


Yes - that may have been a bit of sarcasm!

In general, guys don't like drama. FB message or phone call - I don't think you're going to get anywhere.

Although I'm curious - who gave you the info on this guy pulling your H away from some girl the night before your daughter was born? How did you find that out?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

if my wife or girl friend asked my best freind something like this and I found out there would be hell to pay. if my best friend said anything more than I don't want to get in the middle then there would be hell to pay. like a royal a$$ kicking . 

there a guy code in my friendships.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Its inappropriate to ask others what your husband is up to unless they are your paid private investigator or your friend exclusively. 

Every relationship has dirty laundry. Why display it?

If you dont trust your husband then deal with that directly without involving others.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

chillymorn said:


> if my wife or girl friend asked my best freind something like this and I found out there would be hell to pay. if my best friend said anything more than I don't want to get in the middle then there would be hell to pay. like a royal a$$ kicking .
> 
> there a guy code in my friendships.


See - I'm hoping that this isn't just a guy thing - hence my Oprah joke. I would think most people - regardless of gender - would prefer to be left out of this stuff - unless they are drama/gossip queens/kings.


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Although I'm curious - who gave you the info on this guy pulling your H away from some girl the night before your daughter was born? How did you find that out?


My husband did. He's stationed in Japan right now, found out 2 weeks ago he went into a woman's room, kissed her, and left because she told him to stop. That came from him. He's giving me bits and pieces of the truth..and all Im asking for is honesty. 

So, then he told me about that situation last night. So in a flustered haze, I sent his old friend a FB message. Probably should have realized I wouldnt get a response back. 

Im not trying to drag other people into my situation, but if you see something happen..isnt it your responsibility to a certain degree to let someone know whats going on if they ask you? I dont know..I know I would tell someone if they were being played..or atleast help them figure it out for them self. Its kind of disgusting when people only look out for them self. 

I dont know..maybe im just hurt..who knows.


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> See - I'm hoping that this isn't just a guy thing - hence my Oprah joke. I would think most people - regardless of gender - would prefer to be left out of this stuff - unless they are drama/gossip queens/kings.


Im not a dramatic person. Just expect honesty.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If my friend's husband emailed me like this, I'd just say, "You need to talk to your wife." I am not about to be put into the middle of ANY marriage. No thank you.


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

that_girl said:


> If my friend's husband emailed me like this, I'd just say, "You need to talk to your wife." I am not about to be put into the middle of ANY marriage. No thank you.


Fair enough. I guess most people dont want to get involved in anyone elses business.

Thats why I posted the thread in the first place. To see if I was crazy or not..starting to figure out I am..haha


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Nikki1023 said:


> My husband did. He's stationed in Japan right now, found out 2 weeks ago he went into a woman's room, kissed her, and left because she told him to stop. That came from him. He's giving me bits and pieces of the truth..and all Im asking for is honesty.
> 
> So, then he told me about that situation last night. So in a flustered haze, I sent his old friend a FB message. Probably should have realized I wouldnt get a response back.
> 
> ...


I understand. I think I know some people who would allow themselves to get involved. I did similar things when seeking answers about my wife's behavior.

One person was an acquaintenace - not a "good friend" - who had been cheated on herself. When I asked her if she and my wife were really out until 5am one evening - she swore me to secrecy - but told me the truth (FRIEND went home at midnight). I never did tell my wife - but I used it for my own decision making.

There was another time my wife "used" a friend to cover for her. I saw this friend on FB while my wife was supposedly out with her. I sent her a message - something about my wife - and she replied that she hadn't seen her for a couple of weeks - but then later went back on her word (wife claimed they were "testing" me - right...).

Nothing wrong really with what you did. You are hurt and looking for more information. I just wouldn't expect this friend to be real helpful.


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Nothing wrong really with what you did. You are hurt and looking for more information. I just wouldn't expect this friend to be real helpful.


At the moment I sent it, I thought..what could I really lose? Ive already been betrayed and deceived..why not go out on a whim and see if he slips up, or maybe his wife would read it first and tell him to be honest with me. Who knows. Knowing I asked atleast makes me feel a little better, even if I get no response..if that makes any sense.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Nikki1023 said:


> At the moment I sent it, I thought..what could I really lose? Ive already been betrayed and deceived..why not go out on a whim and see if he slips up, or maybe his wife would read it first and tell him to be honest with me. Who knows. Knowing I asked atleast makes me feel a little better, even if I get no response..if that makes any sense.


From the way you described this - I don't think you could have done much damage to a relationship with an "ex" best friend of your H's.


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Wasnt really concerned with his relationship with the guy..esp since they dont even talk anymore..and also since I bounce back n forth from loving and hating my husband. 

I think the main reason why I posted that thread was just to get the general opinion of whoever read it. Seeing how alot of people have been going through different dilemmas, and are going through different issues and what not. 

I guess I was kinda waiting for someone to say..hey, Id do the same thing- and you kinda did, more or less. Just at that point where I need to know my feelings arent outrageous.

I need to find a way to control this dream like fog I feel like Im in..because whats appropriate and whats not, is starting to become a little blurry...and I dont want his disgusting choice to damage me to the point where I lose sight of who I am. 

If that makes sense.

Thanks again for your insight!


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