# im 45 is it too late



## bdndoc (Oct 25, 2012)

Hi i just found this forum today. Im 45 and have not reached my best goals yet, I just got out of a 8 year horror with a guy who pretty much hijacked my life now I have to go back in my mind and try to figure out where I was before he robbed me of myself and its hard mainly becuae I wonder if its too late or how studpid am I compared to other people my age who have already succeede, any supportive coments are welcomed


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Too late for what? I'll be 48 in a couple months and I don't feel like it's too late for ANYthing. Well except having kids. Mine are grown and NO way would I want another baby right now.


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## bdndoc (Oct 25, 2012)

hi, no not kids, I dont want those, I have been embarking on a career that takes about 10 years to finish off and it has taken me 20 and this boyfriend I had was determined to get in my way and he did, i finally got the courage to leave him so I moved 13 hours away and recently told him no more phone time and cut that off too now I am asking myself what I really want and I have 80% of my career goal accomplished but the other 20% is all uphill and now I have to regroup, just want to feel like Im not alone even tho I am


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So you don't have a significant other. That doesn't mean you have to be 'alone'. What do you do outside of your career?


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## bdndoc (Oct 25, 2012)

hi thank you for asking. I have spent the last 23 years in school got a bs, ms, phd and md, I had 1.5 years left to go to finish my md when I met him, he said I will help pay for it, what a mistake to ever take a dime from anyone but a bank. i finished med school and ever time i went to take a liscening exam he would stop me start a fight with me not not let me leave home on and on and on, I am about ready to take both my liscening exams and try for a surgical residency "my dream" and now I am burnt out , tired and have to find myself again to re lite the fire inside, I dont mind being alone physically alone I have alot of wrok to do at home its just as a female I feel like Im going through a midlife crisis and want to hear about how other people have overcome this kind of thing. thanks again for listening


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## bdndoc (Oct 25, 2012)

to answer your question I dont do much, I go to the gym for 3-4 hrs a day and i love it, and I go to church I watch tv that s about it, I just moved here and dont know anyone


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Wow!!! 23 years of school! You are smart to get rid of anyone that is in the way of your 'dream'. Only 1.5 years left! Keep your head up and make it a reality. 

45 is young. You are probably only half done. 1.5 years and then the last half of your life should be awesome. Don't worry about finding a partner right now. Look after your dream and a partner will fall into your lap sometime later when you will be ready for it.

Best of luck to you!


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

bdndoc said:


> hi thank you for asking. I have spent the last 23 years in school got a bs, ms, phd and md, I had 1.5 years left to go to finish my md when I met him, he said I will help pay for it, what a mistake to ever take a dime from anyone but a bank. i finished med school and ever time i went to take a liscening exam he would stop me start a fight with me not not let me leave home on and on and on, I am about ready to take both my liscening exams and try for a surgical residency "my dream" and now I am burnt out , tired and have to find myself again to re lite the fire inside, I dont mind being alone physically alone I have alot of wrok to do at home its just as a female I feel like Im going through a midlife crisis and want to hear about how other people have overcome this kind of thing. thanks again for listening


Oh, another medical nerd! :smthumbup: I love all things medical.

The world of medicine is very male dominated, so I think you are a strong woman for making it as far as you have already. It's good to hear that you won't let anyone stand in your way and won't give up until you reach your dream. Surgical residency will be great! My friend is in the middle of hers and loves it, despite how exhausting it can be. 1.5 years can seem like a lot, but just keep reminding yourself about how far you have already come. You are so close!


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## bdndoc (Oct 25, 2012)

hi
thanks for your comments and support, I am not in residency yet, when I met him 8yrs ago I had 1.5 yrs of med school left I have ince finished got my md degree in jan 09 and have not yet applied b/c i have not taken the exams yet I did some of them but not all of them, I got 5 surgery offers in my last year of med school then it was one thing after another my brother is 6 yrs younger then me and has been a doctor for 10 yrs married with kids and here I am kickin it in a pair of sweat pant hoping to rekindle the fire


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## rjp1969 (Oct 18, 2012)

If you enjoy the gym, then try taking up a sport. Badminton, for example. Its not team based at a club level, and you'll get to meet and mix with a whole load of different people. Great for getting to know people in a new area, and helping you to put down new roots.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

I always think of Dear Abby (or was it Anne Landers...) advice when age comes up: "and how old will you be in a year and a half if you DON'T follow your dream?"

Go for it!


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Good advice Northern! 

Bdmndoc, start doing things you like, get off that couch and out of the house. Get back into old hobbies and try new things. Focus 100% on yourself and what makes you happy. Remember you are a strong woman. And dump the idea that you're too old! Like right now! I'm 48 and just starting out on my dream career, yes it's taken me this long but oh well, it will be totally worth it. And it will be so worth it when you realise your dream.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> my brother is 6 yrs younger then me and has been a doctor for 10 yrs married with kids and here I am kickin it in a pair of sweat pant hoping to rekindle the fire


It's NOT a competition so kick that mentality right OUT of your head!

It's all about doing what YOU want and need to do! SO WHAT if it's taking you longer than other people, or longer than you originally wanted/anticipated. No-one else has been on YOUR journey, no-one else has lived your exact life. Look at the POSITIVES of having changed up your life for the better. Do NOT beat yourself up over the past, learn the lesson and move on.

*Remember: When you KNOW better, you DO better.* Before, you did NOT know how to cope with that man in your life. NOW you have kicked him to the curb and you will cope JUST FINE.

If '40 is the new 20', then you are JUST GETTING STARTED. You can expect another 40 years (most of it with a career)! Good for you!

I was 40 when I accomplished my dream (being a Mom). I have just left my STBXH of 19 years THIS PAST MAY, and am starting over at 55yo! Back in my hometown, first job in 10 years (was a SAHM), able to help my family members, and TRULY HAPPY for the first time in YEARS.

Go GRAB your new life...see it, do it, grab it!

Good luck to you and let us know how you're doing!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Of course not. So, can you go contact the school where you attended and get back into the running for whatever it is you need to do to finish up and eventually practice?

I'm 48 and started over, more or less. 
Don't compare yourself to anyone else, just do what feels right.
Don't knock yourself for past choices. That's water under the bridge. You can learn something about yourself from what happened, but you can't change it so don't obsess over it. Just focus on the present and the immediate future, and make sure each day you do something to get value out of that day, as well as do something for your future self. You'll be fine. And it sounds like you have family you're close to, so that's a huge bonus.


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## Highway run (Oct 22, 2012)

45 is young! You are a spring chicken! Its never too late to find happiness!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I'm 45. (well, my next bday)  I feel I'm just hitting my stride both personally and professionally the generally feel it will be better going forward.

If you are burned out I suggest you find some time for you. Based on the things you said here and the questions you answered, I suggest some meditation and exercise or maybe yoga to kill the proverbial 2 birds.

I think you should focus on 2 things - your career and your inner being finding peace. The rest will follow.  Best of luck.


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## bdndoc (Oct 25, 2012)

THANK YOU !!! I really appreciate the feedback and being heard,  please feel free to share your comments, I have alot to think about now


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I am 47...after a 25 year marriage and subsequent divorce........I am better than ever!

I finished my M.S., did an internship (2 years) and this Aug. opened a private practice.

To late? I am just getting started.

Go full force ahead and be thankful for the things; good people in your life; and health. 

There is something about action that breeds a better attitude!


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I'm a 48 year old male. You're in your prime. Get your head on straight first then go out and find someone nice. You are in the BEST years of your life. Women in their 40's are the most awesomely awesome women I know. Peak of sexuality. Most have dropped all the girly nonsense and worked through most of their hangups. They just flat out rock!


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Is 55 too late, my much younger wife wants a fourth child from me. They are pretty cute and smell wonderful when they are new. Just saying.
Congratulations on all of your school work, I bearly (joke) made it out of High School.Sorry to hear that you met a man that was toxic to you, maybe God or Life is trying to test us. Alot of people here took the test and failed, we are now learning from our mistakes and sharing or stories with each other. Goiung to stop now too drunk.


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## fetishwife (Apr 22, 2012)

Surgical residency at any age is tough. 

If you are a person who can live happily without a full time mate you "could" have a better life if you are truly mainly "into" your work.

Im going to sound horrible saying this..your age is not a factor (im 46) if I was looking I agree with what others here say...Id be looking for a woman in 40's

.....the issue for finding a man in your future...if that is what you are partly talking about?..

..is your future job and training....

Personally after being married to a full-time intense career doc woman...

I would not again enter a relationship...other than "buddies" with a woman who was a surgical resident.

My wife did one of the specialties that is supposed to be "easy" and it almost killed her....but she has trouble with sleep deprivation and intense stress....

My wife and I are both accomplished mid career docs. We both have our own separate practices. 

Life does not end at your "goal" of course....then you are left with the "what next" problem...at least that is me....I think my wife does not think about it that way...

One thing to watch out for in life is being too goal oriented though.

I always thought my "job" as great as it can be....would be the genesis of my self esteem....its not.

Come to realize all these 23 years when my wife and I were working along our paths ... well I never thought about where we would be when we were "done..."

Practices, child, mid 40's, $ to spend....here we are....but yet we have had some tough times.....and no excuse....everyone healthy, no affairs.....mainly I got upset cause she worked too hard.

All of a sudden all I cared about was her and her attention. 

I was never like this before....ha ha...for years I ignored her a lot she says.... and it was so multifactorial...but keep in mind how life changes....

I guess my point is...try to live for today....if your current goal is to start that residency then put all your energy into that...(I like how you are working out too...you will need the physical stamina for your training...)...

I hope you find the right man if that is what you want....certainly you have to be VERY careful that its someone who SUPPORTS your choices...a man who is VERY INDEPENDENT cause you WILL NOT BE AROUND much and when you are you may be too tired to pay him much attention.

He might really resent that or stray if he missed you a lot.

Trust me all medicine is very time and emotionally demanding. Why not consider a speciality that is a bit less stressful like psychiatry, radiology, pathology, or pediatrics or something? Geriatrics is huge now.

Surgery is so hard these days....you will probably become a hospital system employee and your professional life will not be in your control, and not make as much money as you will deserve for that particular work.

Many men may stand off from you cause you wont be emotionally, physically, sexually available....

Im NOT saying its too late for you..NOT AT ALL.....

Just wondering if you are sure what you are getting into with general surgery and how this will affect your future personal life.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

fetishwife said:


> I always thought my "job" as great as it can be....would be the genesis of my self esteem....its not.
> 
> Come to realize all these 23 years when my wife and I were working along our paths ... well I never thought about where we would be when we were "done..."
> 
> ...


My comment to you doctor is maybe you are starting to consider what you will have left when practicing medicine is done, you are retired, can no longer play golf, can no longer hang out with you buddies, who will be there for you? Keep cultivating your relationship with your wife. Work on it, nurture it. Then she will be there for you when everyone else has forgotten about you. Well, I guess there is no guarantee of that but for your part you can do what's necessary to make it happen.


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## fetishwife (Apr 22, 2012)

sandc said:


> My comment to you doctor is maybe you are starting to consider what you will have left when practicing medicine is done, you are retired, can no longer play golf, can no longer hang out with you buddies, who will be there for you? Keep cultivating your relationship with your wife. Work on it, nurture it. Then she will be there for you when everyone else has forgotten about you. Well, I guess there is no guarantee of that but for your part you can do what's necessary to make it happen.


Sorry didnt mean to sabotage the thread....

Thanks very much for your comment. I PRIMARILY care about my WIFE and my daughter. My JOB is great and I realize how lucky I am....however, without them my life would have far less meaning.

Maybe that is what I was trying to say to the OP. Surgery training in and of itself may or may not fulfill her life. For me being a physician is important, but FAR LESS important than I had expected if you had asked me even 10 years ago.

The OP needed to get away from what was a toxic relationship for her....and we can only take her story regarding her Ex. 

It sounds like she must have had reasons to stay...even though she states he held her back...or they could not come to some agreement as to the direction of their lives.

I just also wanted her to know (she surely already does) that surgery training and practice may make a personal life very difficult. 

Perhaps since she no longer wants kids it wont be nearly the issue it might be for a woman also expecting to raise a family.....

I would be too selfish and greedy with my wife's time and attention to deal with her being a general surgeon.


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