# Burning in



## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

I no longer worry about staying late at work because I'm not excited to see my wife. The only thing that brings me home is my kids. 

My wife has shut herself down emotionally to me. I think she has PPD from her last pregnancy. It's killing me guys. She shows affection to the kids, takes care of them, but nothing for me. 

I never cry but have found myself tearing up at random points. It's killing me on the inside. She says she doesn't want me to touch her so I'm giving her what she wants. Last night I slept on the couch because I'm just so angry and frustrated with her. Sleeping in the same bed isn't healthy because I can't sleep.

I'm at work as I type this. Got up around 4am this morning and came in. Anyone else go through this?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Talk to her. Lay it out.


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

She may not be attracted to you and/or sexually repulsed by you(sad but happens and more often than you think)

What's your weight, height, muscular stature? Does your life consist of just work and home? Any hobbies?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Ask her what's up. If it's PPD she may not actually know/realize what she's doing.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Get her to her doc now if you suspect PPD

How old are your kids?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You can't just let this go. Take action. This isn't normal and you don't deserve it. Do you ever have time alone without kids? If not that's a problem. Make the time and then talk to her about it and find out what's going on. 
If she's nursing a baby her sex drive is probably gone. It could be a combo of hormones, lack of sleep and PPD. 
Don't be passive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

a lot of women lose their libido after kids are born, my wife included. this isn't ppd, but is very common. don't wait to do something about it. you'll just resent her more, and your anger will drive her further away. talk to her about it. see a doctor. get in counseling asap.


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## Quantmflux (Feb 6, 2013)

Just want to add fix ASAP before the kids get older because its bad for them too. They should see mommy and daddy as loving and affectionate, IMO. It will be their first example of what a relationship looks like. We teach our kids what to expect with our actions and it starts early.

She needs to figure it out and you need to get her started on that path by not accepting it.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

I am guessing that PPD is a US abreviation for something like postnatal depression (PND in the UK). If so and your wife has it she will not get better with out treatment.

With this in mind and the level of frustation you must be feeling you need to sit down and talk either just the two of you or in conjunction with a doctors visit.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

JohnSmithh said:


> I no longer worry about staying late at work because I'm not excited to see my wife. The only thing that brings me home is my kids.
> 
> My wife has shut herself down emotionally to me. I think she has PPD from her last pregnancy. It's killing me guys. She shows affection to the kids, takes care of them, but nothing for me.
> 
> ...


*Howdy John:*

Yup I know exactly what you are talking about. I discussed it a bit in a recent “Happy Marriage Survey” here is the link:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/66531-happy-marriage-survey.html

Other than what I wrote there I wish I could give you more insight into how we finally got past the issues. Ms. Spin was on some kind of depression medications for a while, prescribed by our OBGyn., immediately after our second child. I don’t think that stuff helped one bit – if not actually exacerbating her mood issues. And seriously I don’t think the whole time she thought there was a problem – other than me.

In retrospect, that is a very stressful time (infant to toddlerhood), very taxing emotionally and physically. For Ms. Spin going from a “high powered career” to being a SAHM – I think that gave her self-worth issues (but it’s what wanted to do), finances, family obligations and the like are equally ramped up. During that time I took Ms. Spin on a business trip to NYC (Grandma watched the kids) – it was just a “me in meetings for 2-days and the weekend together” but at least half the airfare and some hotel was covered. It was good for a limited time period but the same issues came right back into play as soon as we got home.

All I can really say is now I’m really glad I stuck with it, remaining loyal and committed to her and the family. But those were exceptionally tough times.

Keep fighting the good fight my Brother. And remember we're pulling for you!


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

JohnSmithh said:


> I no longer worry about staying late at work because I'm not excited to see my wife. The only thing that brings me home is my kids.
> 
> My wife has shut herself down emotionally to me. I think she has PPD from her last pregnancy. It's killing me guys. She shows affection to the kids, takes care of them, but nothing for me.
> 
> ...


We had some of this after the 2nd kid was born. It went on for a long time, IIRC, but we never failed to sleep in the same bed. How long ago was the most recent birth?

Fortunately, you have resources I did not have 25 years ago. Much more is known of about female hormone cycles and what triggers sexual response in females under all kinds of circumstances. A very good condensation and amalgamation of the scientific theory and practice in the field is contained in this book: Married Man Sex Life. It's a fast read. The guy also has an excellent blog, which predates the book.

Oddly enough, you need to maximize your physical attractiveness, pretty much as if you're getting ready to add members to your harem.

How much are you helping out around the house?


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

Machiavelli, I'm going to order the book. I'm gonna get beastmode in the gym. Thank you.


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## Pius (Nov 14, 2013)

JohnSmith, not to make you any worse, but I dealt with a similar situation after the birth of my last child. It turned out for me that my wife was having an affair. She was probably vulnerable to it because of the PPD. So you may want to do some snooping to rule out an affair. The behavior I observed in my spouse and you are seeing in yours is very typical for wayward spouses.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Women fall out of love with their husbands ALL THE time. 

Welcome to the club.


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