# I need help



## thegad (Jan 17, 2012)

Hey all,
First post, a little back ground:
Im 27 years old, I served 6 years in the military and now am attending college. I was married at 19 and divorced by 23, and ever since my divorce in late 2008 i have slowly slipped into pornography addiction.

Enough is enough i need to commit and quit all of this. I have browser parental contorl programs on my internet but im a computer engineer major so i find ways around these. I have been in theropy for 2 years now with the VA but i only see them once a month. 

I just want to stop. I have tried everything. in the last 2 years my longest period of sobriaty was about 3 months.

Any help or advice?


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## bestrong (Jan 19, 2012)

You married very young. You have hardly had time to look at pornography before you got married.
I am probably not helping much, but in my opinion, looking at some porn on the internet is ok, if you can maybe keep it to a few nights during the week. Now I dont know how much or little is "normal".
But if you cant stay away from porn during and it is affecting your day routine such as attending school and keeping in touch with friends, family and leading a pretty normal life for a 27 year old, I would say its not so bad to look at porn.
It´s a problem though to spend alot of money on it, like if you are paying for some private sessions or whatever is going on in these matters 
My advice- dont beat yourself up about it. I think it is really normal for a guy at your age to think alot about these things and nothing wrong about wanting to look at this on the computer.
When you get a girlfriend, you will probably use less of the porn through the internet because of obvious reasons, you will be spending more time with your real live gf 

I hope I have not affended you. Like I said, I dont know how much or little is normal, but it surely varies between people.
-sorry about my english, not my main language
Good luck.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If you're in college you can go to the college counseling service. They might be better equipped to deal with this addiction than the VA. They would have some ideas about how to go about succeeding. I have been to the VA and you are right, the appts can be far between as it's not life threatening in the sense that it would be given a high priority (although it does take you life away, in a sense). In the college setting, you would have better access and even a support group for addictive behavior. Usually campuses are set up for alcohol but also they deal with sexual addictions or behavior that students might find troubling or disruptive to achievement during their transition from students to career life. 

I will probably leave this forum soon and do the same thing...go to the college counseling and get a little help in being less co-dependent...though now I'm out of a relationship I'm not sure how that will work. I graduated from the VA counseling...I went for a year, and yes they do cut you off as soon as they think you can cope on your own...you can beg a few more sessions and they will accommodate as best they can, but it's a bit of a bootstrap program unless you regress and get into a crisis. I think there's a very long waiting list coming along...

I worked in a computer shop where the network guy was addicted to porn, and he even risked playing it once when I was there and I saw it and because I was so young it really affected me badly. I was not in the mood for being exposed to that in a workplace, nor was I amused by the thought of whether every time I saw him he'd been doing it a moment before...or wondering if the computers I used in teaching my classes to people on state retraining funds were going to be exposed to something he'd downloaded, and get me in hot water and legally trashed in my profession since I was in charge of the classroom...of course there was not enough time to check all 30 computers and the network, teaching a night class. And he should not have been doing that at work.

Only you can decide how much is enough. If you really feel you're addicted, then it's like alcohol, of course you want to avoid it. But how about developing some other form of sexual appreciation, like take up dancing where you get to handle real women in appropriate way and maybe dream about them afterwards? I know a lot of guys who do that  Or maybe take up reading novels that have eroticism in them, there is a lot of science fiction. But no images. What I mean to say is that you cannot avoid sex entirely or sexual thoughts entirely, and I know computers in themselves are very, very, very unsexy. Without the porn then you need something to replace the normal thoughts and appreciation of sex. Even an art class would fill up some time. Yes, I know, the nude models. LOL.


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## bestrong (Jan 19, 2012)

...Homemakers numero uno´s advice is probably better than mine  It seems like I have no idea what I am talking about, or how the problem is affecting you.
But I think you are very brave to admit your problem and it takes a lot to seek help. You will get through this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If you are truly addicted, see a Certified sex addiction therapist. Porn addiction is a form of sex addiction.

Sex Addiction Therapists, Certified Sex Addiction Therapists, Sex Addict Therapists

There are also 12 step programs for sex addicts. Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous, Love and Sex Addicts Anonymous. They have different philosophies, read up on them, and you can search on line to find a group.

My hubby is a sex addict and has over a year of sobriety.


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## thegad (Jan 17, 2012)

Thanks everyone for the advice. I feel like looking at porn is probably a normal avenue for most young men but I really take that to the next level or even the level above that. I recently was prescribed arthritis medican because i couldnt move my left hand becas\use my wrist hurt so bad from doing the deed... Its to a point that i need more help. 

thats a good idea about the school counselors ill have to go talk to them.

as far as other addiction help, im basically broke. i was seeing a christian therapist but it was 100$ a week and I can do that.

What was the process your husband went through to accomplish his sobriety?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

thegad said:


> What was the process your husband went through to accomplish his sobriety?


First he had to hit rock bottom and then some - I kicked him out for cheating, he decided he had a cybersex addiction but not a sex addiction, then he hired a street hooker and hid it from me, then when he finally did admit it after we got back together I freaked at him and said some stuff that made him realize he DID need more help. 

He had done some IC after I kicked him out but quit when we went to MC. After his admission he went back to IC and joined Sex Addicts Anonymous (which is FREE by the way). He has never seen a CSAT but if he ever slips up again he says he will. If he ever slips up again we're done too.

You can read more details in my sig link too if you want.


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## Spock (Jan 26, 2012)

1. Get a girlfriend.

2. Get a laptop with a very small screen.

3. Trade DOWN your high bandwidth line for a low bandwidth one.

4. Get hobbies that only leave enough computer time for actual college work.


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