# Situational Depression lingers



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

After all the advice about looking forward to the good days, the understanding that this is part of the rollercoaster we all talk about, having myself given advice on my good days, hoping to encourage others, hoping to provide the same validation I received when I joined TAM. The ability to come on here and see that I am far from alone in this situation has been so helpful.

Today Im having a totally sh!tty time of it.
I'm supposed to pick my daughter up after school for the week, and I am fking falling apart.
I dont want to be with my exwife or reconcile or much less talk to her ever again. But that does nothing towards getting my legs under me when the emptiness is so prevelant.
Why is today any different than yesterday, when I felt okay?
I dont know, but Ive gone thru half a roll of toilet paper as kleenex though.
Found myself on a website about suicide, and read that it becomes a consideration when one lacks the coping skills to deal with a large amount of pain. Too much pain. Boy, they sure nailed it. 
I regret feeling like my daughter and her obvious need for me in her life, are the only things keeping me from walking out into the street. I spend a wonderful week with her, then she goes over to her moms for a week after that, and I am alone for the week following. It sort of feels like shes being taken away again, in comparison to being with her 24/7. 

Yeah, Id like to get into some kind of hobby or meetup meeting, but honestly I havent felt like doing anything really. Its not some personal goal of mine to feel sorry for myself or to wallow in despair, and really, there is no option for reconciliation, so Im kind of just tired of reaching this point.

Get over it, let them go, find hobby, enjoy life and living... 
I dont know why any of this isnt as easy for me as it is for the ex. Well, yeah I do, she has someone already, and is familiarizing my daughter with him, and I feel like I am being shoved out of the picture all around.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

that's why you have this forum, when those crappy days come along you have somewhere to vent. I have been going through those same emotions for the past almost 2 years. It's especially tough when we don't get proper closure(if any) and we are discarded like garbage on the street.

And please do not delete your posts. Remember they don't just help you vent but they also help someone else who is in the same situation as you.

And please continue to post here no matter how often. Suicide also crossed my mind but that won't accomplish anything. If anything it will validate your wife's affair even more. 

Also a friendly advice, keep all your posts in one thread, it's easier for people to follow your story and give you advice.

What are you planning to do with your daughter this weekend? Have you looked into any single parents meetup groups in your area?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I can remember spending whole days at work, looking through phone bills, reading and writing in my journal, examining emails - to me those were the worst days. I wasn't paralyzed, but I was spinning my wheels and wasting time - and I felt like I couldn't stop.

We all get stuck sometimes. And yeah - I'd love to know why some days are just so much harder than others. Even hours can bring a flip in my mood.

My D was final yesterday. I'm still waiting for some great wave of relief to wash over me - but I guess it doesn't quite work that way.

Hang in there. And if you find thoughts of suicide getting worse then please look for help! Your daughter still needs you - and things will get better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

It is ****ty. There is no denying that Divorce is ****ty.
The worst thing for me is that the separation with the kids never ends, it just gets worse. saying that..

This weekend is one of my off days. I am sitting here listening to my new stereo with the sound turned up. Drinking coffee, considering that today I may go and do an art gallery. I haven't done that for a while. 
last night I made myself a delicious dinner and then went out and listened to cool live music. I did all this alone. 
If you want to chat, PM me your number and we can compare notes.

The suicide thing. You want the pain to stop, but you just ain't that selfish. Quit worrying about it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Shoo--sorry to hear you are feeling down. You will go through up and down moods constantly when dealing with the trauma of divorce. One day you'll be happy, one day you will want to curl up in a ball and disappear. Sometimes both will even happen in the same hour. 

There is no easy fix. No pill you can take to make the pain go away. It's a process. Time. Time and no contact with your ex (except for co-parenting) are the only ways to mend your broken heart. A lot of people will say "get busy!" and while it's great advice, sometimes when you are dealing with divorce, the last thing you want to do is be around people, faking a smile, engaging in anything, cause truthfully, you rather be at home hiding from the world. And that is ok, too. As long as you don't get stuck there, in that cycle. 

Have you considered doing IC? Is there a place you've wanted to visit (even a town nearby) that you never have? A recipe you've wanted to try? A wine you've wanted to drink but never have? Are there old friends you haven't called/seen in awhile? Call them? Do something different, try something new. If you have a bunch of tv shows you've been meaning to watch, sit down one weekend and watch them. Get a new haircut. If you have a bucket list, make it your missionto cross one thing off soon, this year.

Your wife appears she has moved on to you-since she has OM lined up. But know she either was emotionally gone from your marriage long ago or she hasn't grieved yet cause the "infatuation feelings" she has for OM are maskingn the trauma of divorce. I honestly think it's really stupid for someone to go from something as serious lik ea marriage straight into a new relationship. But hey, to each their own. When the giddiness wears off for her (and it will, it always does), she will have to reflect at what she did and the pain of the divorce. 

But that's not your problem.

Accept you will have bad days, and you will have good days and dust yourself off when you are feelinng down and stand tall with your head high.

They say you haven't lived until you've been through a divorce. And if that isn't the f-cking truth I don't know what is (LOL).

You'll be fine.


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