# should i go ahead with the divorce?



## ReadyForAChange (May 22, 2012)

I have been with my husband for 4 years, married for 1 year. We get along fine sometimes, but the rest of the time we argue too much. He has anger management issues and so do i. 
2 months ago, we had a huge argument where we both said pretty hurtful things. That night I left the house and stayed with my female friend. the next morning he told me to get out of the house that i was no longer welcomed. I filed for divorce that same day. On the fourth day he texted me saying that he has always loved me, still does and always will and that he was sorry our marriage didn't work out. that same day he came and apologized for hurting me and that he didn't want to divorce and offered to go to marriage counseling and anger management classes and even cried!!! (I've never seen him cry!!). in the next couple of weeks we reconciled but I told him I wouldn't go back to the same marriage we had and that we would stay separated. he didn't like the idea of being separated but he accepted. It's been two months now, and I havent seen any improvement and we've only been once to marriage counseling. He hasn't been to any anger management classes YET. he still texts me and tells me that he doesn't like the way things are between us. but i don't see him trying either. He has also told me that he wants me to sign a postnuptial agreement so i can give up my rights to the house and his retirement plan in case we divorce (his ex left him with nothing). this makes me wonder if he really wants to fix this marriage or if he's just scared i will take him for what he's worth. which i wasn't going to do if we divorced.
I don't know what to do... I don't like living separated and neither does he, but i'm scared things will never change and I will have to move out again. I also don't know if I should be the one to ask him to let me back in or if he should be the one to ask me. He asked me when we first reconciled but i told him no and that i wanted to work on our marriage first. But now he doesn't seem too hesitant to get back together. Maybe is because I still spend time with him even though we are separated. should i stay away from him? HELP!! 
What do I do??? Should I end it?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

You should tell him most of the things you put in the post:

- You've only been to MC once
- He hasn't started anger management classes (BTW, you should too)

Tell him these are things that need to happen before the two of you could move make in. Perhaps a goal of x anger mgmt classes for the two of you and x counseling sessions

I don't really have any advice about whether you should continue to see him or not. Do you have sex when you get together?

One of the main purposes of a separation is to give each other an idea of what your lives would be like without the other person in it


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## ReadyForAChange (May 22, 2012)

Yes I have told him but he always has excuses of why it hasn't happened yet. such as he works too much, etc. and yes I plan on signing up for anger management classes. I just don't know if i should go with him to the same classes or i should be the one to sign him up..
and no we are not intimate but i have a feeling i should limit my contact with him while separated. maybe not hang out with him too much?


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

One thing is for sure. Don't do anything drastic. If you are asking complete strangers whether or not to end your marriage, that is the last thing you should be doing. That decision should only ever be made if there is a mostly certain reasons that you have, not others.

You need to find a counselor that you both agree to work with. It is clear you have an illness in your relationship and like any illness you seek a professional. Interview them until you both agree with one that can help you.

I wish you both well.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

DON'T SIGN ANYTHING.

I cannot say that more strongly.


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