# Is she showing signs of cheating behavior?



## mets4life (Jun 20, 2011)

Hey there, long story short, I am engaged to a wonderful woman. Our wedding is in a couple short months and things have NOt gone very smoothly. All her friends and some of her family pulled out of the wedding, something about not liking me and my use of some drugs and my involvement in sports. Yeah im a sports nut.

Anyway, thats not so much my concern, thats more their problem than mine. Anyway she's been acting a little strange lately. We always do things apart, im a sports guy, shes an artsy type, we dont mesh well in "go out" things.

So I go out with my buddies and she will go out and party with her friends. 

Recently she went to a party she attends every year with two single guys she knows well. Its a dance costume party thing, not my thing, and plus I had a couple big games that night to see. 

Anyway, last year she wore jeans and a tank top to it. THIS year I was shocked to see she put on a skimpy bikini! I mean SKIMPY. It barely covered half her breasts.

That and this guy she is going out with i think has always had the hots for her. They have everything in common, he's a total art nerd freak like her and they dress up in costumes together and go to fairy events or whatever, **** i dont care about frankly. 

I'm nervous that maybe with the wedding and her friends coming out against me and us going to things alone, that she might stray. The outfit threw me off especially. I havent seen her dress like that since before we started dating and she was single, about 4 years ago, much less in public. 

Dont know what to make out of it, if anything, i did friend this guy on FB though b/c i wanna see what he's up to and if anything suspicious comes up. 

He has mentioned wanting to "photograph" her before, but that was back when he had a gf, which he doesnt now.


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## mets4life (Jun 20, 2011)

also i dont wanna jump the gun and say she cant hang with this guy, since losing most of her friends, he is about one of the only friends she has left.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Did you think she was wearing the skimpy bikini for you? :scratchhead:


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## mets4life (Jun 20, 2011)

? what? Not really since I wasnt attending that party


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Then I suggest you go with, you will soon be married start practicing being a couple. It is never good to have a spouse who has friends of the opposite sex and engages in activities that you are not part of. Start engaging before this does become a problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Have you seen any of these signs?

Signs of Infidelity | How To Tell Spouse Cheating


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## mets4life (Jun 20, 2011)

do you think it could manifest into a problem if a couple does things apart like that? I vacation with my buddies 3-4 times a year, we actually almost never vacation together, in 4 years we did it once, and had nothing to do the entire time, so we just felt it was better to go with people we had things to actively do with. I mean she doesnt stop me from my vegas trips, seems unfair to stop her from partying with these people. I guess im asking if this separateness does add to the cheating potential here and if i should be worried/weary?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Why was she pushing your jealousy buttons so hard? Why do you think she's ramping up the sexual power struggle? Do you as a couple have a post wedding plan of action she's not keen on? Why are going for the 'is she cheating?' question right away? There is a struggle in your dymanic; she's gained the upper hand. Now what?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mets4life (Jun 20, 2011)

dude i don know the answers to most of those questions you posed

the only post wedding action she may not like is the fact that we wont be having a honeymoon, i used up all my vacation days with my sports trips, she saved up all her vacation days so maybe thats an issue

is she pushing my buttons you think or is she flirting or am i just being paranoid bc of the wedding coming up and such?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

mets4life said:


> do you think it could manifest into a problem if a couple does things apart like that? I vacation with my buddies 3-4 times a year, we actually almost never vacation together, in 4 years we did it once, and had nothing to do the entire time, so we just felt it was better to go with people we had things to actively do with. I mean she doesnt stop me from my vegas trips, seems unfair to stop her from partying with these people. I guess im asking if this separateness does add to the cheating potential here and if i should be worried/weary?


That doesn't sound like any marriage I ever heard of. It makes me wonder why you want to marry at all. Why do everything apart? Marriage is about growing together, going through life together. Yes, this lifestyle you and her have definitely increases the potential for you, as well as for her. If you vacation with your buddies and didn't really do much with her when you did vacation together how does that help you two grow together as a couple. Don't you see anything wrong with this picture? :scratchhead:

To me it just seems that all you are to each other is roommates that you occasionally have sex with. Friends with benefits or something like that.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I think she's trying to keep you worried and off balance. Doesn't sound like cheating but it sounds like she wants you to believe that she could to get you to pay more attention to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Do you guys have ANYTHING in common?

You never vacation together. You go to Vegas, she parties with the boys in her underwear. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, huh? What happens while partying naked with the boys stays with her and the boys, I'll bet.

If you can't postpone the wedding, PLEASE postpone bringing kids into this mess.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Perhaps you should postpone, perhaps even cancel, the wedding until you BOTH can stop acting like selfish 5-year-olds.


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## mets4life (Jun 20, 2011)

we have compatible personalities but our interests are totally different. I do attend painting classes with her and she in return goes to some games with me. We both agree its just more fun to go on our own trips and such. Is this a bad thing in a marriage?? Im really needing some advice here not insults man,


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

You used up all your vacation days on yourself , great , either you wake up or she sees you for what you are and finds another man. You are either committed to this woman or set her free, there are plenty of good men out there who will change their lifestyle to be with her, I strongly suggest you do a complete U turn on your behaviours, no more trips without her she's soon to be your wife start behaving like a responsible adult who shows the love for his soon to be wife.

Take unpaid leave and go on the honeymoon, take up a second job to make up for the monies and for goodness sake learn now that marriage is a commitment full of compromises , the first is you are no longer single. 

For the avoidance of doubt she changes her single lifestyle as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Btw no one is insulting you, it is good you are here and asking questions. What remains is will you listen to the responses.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mets4life (Jun 20, 2011)

we are only 24 afterall, we shouldnt have to give up what we both want if we're both ok with spending the time apart as long as the time we do spend together is good. We cuddle and watch movies all the time


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm sure that this works for some couples, but I don't think it's a marriage I'd want any part of. I'd guess it's only a matter of time before an emotional disconnect develops, followed by one of you reconnecting with someone outside the marriage. If you're determined to try it, you better have very open and honest communication.

And seriously? You used up all your vacation days and left none for a honeymoon? And you think this MAY be a problem? Was it discussed in advance, at least? And you're using drugs? Does she use as well?

I have no idea if she's just pushing your buttons or not. But if she's hanging out with single guys dressed like that and looking hawt, I'd guess they'll be sniffing around shortly and trying to score. Whether she's up for it or not is the question. The other question is if she's not, how long till someone gets past her defenses?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Don't get married, your response tells you that you are in no way ready for a marriage of any sorts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I have to ask, were you on drugs and do her family have reason not to like you?

Also I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want to use their vacation time on something shared. It is fine to have separate hobbies as long as they don't overtake your life, and it sounds like yours do.

I also think that couples that have shared values are couples that stay together.

You don't present as someone very invested in your relationship time wise.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

And set your girlfriend free. All it takes is for nerdy guy to compliment her looks , comment that he would take her on a honeymoon and would go out with her as a couple, these words alone will place him streets ahead of you. What do you think appeals to a woman's emotional needs , you off to Las Vegas with your guy friends and lots of loose woman around or nerdy guy who is there to listen , hold her hand , have fun with and most important to fill her love bank.

Buy yourself "his needs, her needs" by Harley and do some reading. A woman has needs and you are not going to forefull hers if you carry on as you are.

Don't use your age as an excuse , if you are to young in mind and behaviours don't marry her and have the courtesy to tell her you want the single life style and a roomate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I think you're both in love with the idea of marriage. I, too, was engaged at that age, and I didn't want to hear anyone tell me that I was too young. Looking back, I know what they meant, and I still shudder to think what my life would be like if we had gone through with it. Take it from me-if you two marry, it will probably end in disaster.


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

Met, one basic problem here is a trap most couples fall into. Lack of communication. You need to talk to her about your feelings, concerns and what she wants in life. You need to have a discussion on what you both want in this relationship and you must be on the same page on your relationship and future if you want a successful marriage. 

You have a chance here to open that communication before it is too late. Best to find out if the marriage is going to be a problem NOW and make other plans than to have to worry about divorce later.

Talk to her about everything you are asking, now, and then make a decision on your future.

Good Luck!

Q~


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

mets4life said:


> All her friends and some of her family pulled out of the wedding, something about not liking me and my use of some drugs and my involvement in sports. Yeah im a sports nut.
> 
> Anyway, thats not so much my concern, thats more their problem than mine. Anyway she's been acting a little strange lately. We always do things apart, im a sports guy, shes an artsy type, we dont mesh well in "go out" things.
> 
> ...


You wouldn't happen to be an Alpha Beta and her friend a Tri Lamb by any chance?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Nothing said here remotely sounds like a reason to be married. Both are single and intend to behave that way.

Cancel the marriage and move on. Sorry. Just MHO.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

mets4life said:


> we are only 24 afterall, we shouldnt have to give up what we both want if we're both ok with spending the time apart as long as the time we do spend together is good. We cuddle and watch movies all the time


Bit you're both prioritizing everything else over one another. You prioritized trips to sporting events over your own honeymoon, for goodness' sake! Let's say, for some crazy reason the two of you go through with this wedding...what then? I'd say you'd just be roommates who qualify for insurance and tax benefits together, but I think I had closer relationships with my past roommates than the one you've painted with your fiancée. And if kids come into the picture...wow. Will the two of you be prioritizing your individual fun times over them, as well?

Call off the wedding. You don't have to split up, but you clearly do need to both evaluate whether or not marriage is truly the next step for your relationship or if you're just doing it because you think you should.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mets4life (Jun 20, 2011)

*confession here*

actually i talk about how she may be interested in cheating. I recently started chatting up another woman, well actually she chatted me. We are fans of the same team and she's smoking hot and insanely flirty with me. I usually dont let it go far, its mostly for entertainment, but im thinking about maybe trying to get the wife to do a 3way, anyway today i found myself staying up chatting with this girl and told her if i were single Id definitely pound into her. 

Is THAT cheating, or am i in a good middle ground grey area, since i said IF i were single, and then i ended it with, but im not and therefore i must sleep, and i did.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

*Re: confession here*



mets4life said:


> actually i talk about how she may be interested in cheating. I recently started chatting up another woman, well actually she chatted me. We are fans of the same team and she's smoking hot and insanely flirty with me. I usually dont let it go far, its mostly for entertainment, but im thinking about maybe trying to get the wife to do a 3way, anyway today i found myself staying up chatting with this girl and told her if i were single Id definitely pound into her.
> 
> Is THAT cheating, or am i in a good middle ground grey area, since i said IF i were single, and then i ended it with, but im not and therefore i must sleep, and i did.


Are you serious?:scratchhead: I hope you are just a troll. Seriously, you shouldn't be chatting any one else up, flirting with or entertaining those thoughts. 

You are so far from being ready to be married it's not funny.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

*Re: confession here*



mets4life said:


> actually i talk about how she may be interested in cheating. I recently started chatting up another woman, well actually she chatted me. We are fans of the same team and she's smoking hot and insanely flirty with me. I usually dont let it go far, its mostly for entertainment, but im thinking about maybe trying to get the wife to do a 3way, anyway today i found myself staying up chatting with this girl and told her if i were single Id definitely pound into her.
> 
> Is THAT cheating, or am i in a good middle ground grey area, since i said IF i were single, and then i ended it with, but im not and therefore i must sleep, and i did.


Oh, man...

I give up!


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## mets4life (Jun 20, 2011)

im asking for serious advice here. What do you mean im a troll? im young yes and inexperienced and advice would be great.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Here's some serious advice:

GROW THE F*** UP!!!


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

mets4life said:


> im asking for serious advice here. What do you mean im a troll? im young yes and inexperienced and advice would be great.


*All her friends and some of her family pulled out of the wedding, something about not liking me and my use of some drugs and my involvement in sports. Yeah im a sports nut.

Anyway, thats not so much my concern, thats more their problemGreat man..You really dont care? than mineOf course you ara on important man.Right?. Anyway she's been acting a little strange lately./B]

I mature ,man ready fore marriage.. Would not have a reason to be in a position.have need fore a infidelity forum.At this stage...


Call this wedding off !! Seriously dude.. It wont end upp good...
And stop wondering what you´r girl friend is up to...

Damn im pulling the age card on you..Me at the tender age of 39..Kan with out a shadow of doubt.That you seriously have Heavy growing up to do...:scratchhead:*


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Zombie Zombie Zombie


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why even marry someone that you aren't socially compatible with?

It will ruin your marriage anyway.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Zombie Zombie Zombie


HA! it so is! lolll I hate that crap. Who pulls these things up? Aren't there enough new posts to post in?


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## Shwagulous (Mar 12, 2012)

I smell troll!! Usually guys that are very selfish with their time and expect their woman to just deal with it, are also the very jealous type that would blow a gasket if they saw their half naked woman walking out the door with the newly single "nerd".

You are ....

1) A troll
2) Completely clueless about how to date/connect/love your woman
3) Too drugged out and obsessed with your favorite team(s) to be a husband / father
4) All of the above

There is just no way that you are not a troll. No more feedings for you!!!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Shwagulous said:


> I smell troll!! Usually guys that are very selfish with their time and expect their woman to just deal with it, are also the very jealous type that would blow a gasket if they saw their half naked woman walking out the door with the newly single "nerd".
> 
> You are ....
> 
> ...


He's also been gone since last June!


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Zzzzzzzzzzzz
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mets4life (Jun 20, 2011)

Not a troll. :scratchhead:

did get married afterall.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

mets4life said:


> Not a troll. :scratchhead:
> 
> did get married afterall.


So has the going to parties like that stopped? I would hope so.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

*Re: confession here*



mets4life said:


> actually i talk about how she may be interested in cheating. I recently started chatting up another woman, well actually she chatted me. We are fans of the same team and she's smoking hot and insanely flirty with me. I usually dont let it go far, its mostly for entertainment, but im thinking about maybe trying to get the wife to do a 3way, anyway today i found myself staying up chatting with this girl and told her if i were single Id definitely pound into her.
> 
> Is THAT cheating, or am i in a good middle ground grey area, since i said IF i were single, and then i ended it with, but im not and therefore i must sleep, and i did.


I give this marriage 1 year tops, and that's being generous.


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