# Divorce and "Kid Guilt"



## rosado09 (Oct 27, 2009)

I need serious advice and I need it quick. My story is long and drawn out. But the gist of it is a 17 year relationship, 9 year marriage and 2 kids age 8 and 15. We have a 13 year age difference. I've already filed D papers but they still won't be served for another few weeks. He knows they're coming and now he's begging and pleading, promising to change, wants one last chance. We've already told the kids and they toom it as well as can be expected. They asked appropriate questions and we all cried. 
Problem now is, we have been doing an in home separation, in separate bedrooms. Now the kids are asking why can't we just stay together. It breaks my heart. I don't have an answer for that doesn't sound selfish, especially with him constantly pleading. I even suspect he tells them to ask me why we have to breakup. 
I need advce from other divorcing moms. How do you handle these questons? I don't care what other people think, but my kids matter. I don't want to be the bad guy to them. I have absolutely no second thoughts about wanting to be with him. But I would do anything for my kids, can I endure this for another 10 yrs. I always said no, but facing them is so hard. Someone please help me stay strong cuz I don't want to cancel this divorce. It can't be finalized before february 2011. So I have a little time. I really think this in home separation is making it worse not better. But neither us have family in or state and he hasn't worked in 5 years and can't / won't support himself. And I can't support 2 households.


----------



## lilah (May 6, 2010)

we're doing the same thing... we have 3 young kids (youngest is still a baby) and I understand it is in no way ideal. But then again nothing is ideal in a divorce situation. I think the best thing to do is go to a family mediator who can help you set some boundaries and see if you can make the housesharing thing work for the kids sake.


----------



## cayest (Feb 4, 2010)

I think you need to to be firm and resolved within yourself so you can project that to your children. If they see you waffling, then they will continue to hold out hope - but if you are loving and firm, they will grieve, but they will come to accept the reality. Oh, and I would get out of that house as soon as possible; I think that is confusing for the children. Right now, they need clarity, even if that clarity brings pain in the short-term.

My heart goes out to you - I know how hard it must be,


----------

