# Great video on the sex-starved marriage.



## Kahlil Gibran (Jan 27, 2014)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep2MAx95m20


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Hi Kahlil, 

Instead of just posting the link to the video, could you share some personal drama as to why you found this video helpful? Also for those of us in bed that hide ever so quietly under the covers with the faint glow of the computer screen emanating through our ninja-themed comforters, a succinct written review of the video with a few bullet points would be awesome. Otherwise if I have to actually watch the video, the muffled noises of strange people talking in the audio will result in my cat dive bombing me from the bookshelves above. I guess I could wear headphones, but that limits my ability to hear my wife sneaking up to razz me. She likes to quietly come up behind me and suddenly tickle my face with cotton candy. Then she dies laughing at how it makes me very angry and happy all in the same instance. 

Thanks, 
Badsanta


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Thanks for posting. Absolutely fantastic video, brilliant!

(I also agree with BS, though, some context would have been nice while posting the link!)

That said, everybody watch it!


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Thanks for posting I have been looking for this. Saw it a while ago it's spot on - the whole reversal in the mind seems like the scientific breakthrough of the century
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

I don't normally tear up while watching videos. This woman's words rang true to me! Great video.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

...OK, I finally watched the video and it is a good video, but nothing revolutionary. "Just do it" like the Nike commercials so that the LD partner can observe their responsive desire. 

My two cents...

She does talk about how the instance of initiation becomes to associated with rejection and anger, which can cause things to spiral into a nosedive. I think that is an area to pay attention to in a relationship. Initiation should be about fun and spontaneity, and not heavy hearted negotiation and guilt. She dismisses that one partner may not ever be motivated by desire, but needs stimulation first and I disagree. I think it is all about how the ritual of initiation works.

For example after being married a few decades you learn that one partner perhaps needs a little space to enjoy seducing the other. Especially if it has been the other way around with seduction always originating from the person that is HD. Seduction is "fun" and "playful," and it is also at the heart of sparking the magic of intimacy. So if I am in the mood, I might tell my wife, "gosh my penis feels like it has been run over by a transfer truck, and I doubt he can even stand up, please leave him alone and don't bother him today!" Then her eyes will light up because she if there is one thing she can do easily is give me an erection, so she will start grabbing me. Then I playfully tell her to stop that I pretend to have sever penile injuries that cause sudden and painful inflammation and that she should really leave my penis alone. I'll tell her that there is nothing she can do, that I will definitely not be in the mood. ....now in that description I was actually the one that initiated, but I gave her a "playful" mindset to be the one to try and seduce me. Obviously it is fun for her because she knows she can't fail and she can tease me that all she has to do is poke my eyeball and then I am ready to go, and then she can laugh and say I need to see a doctor because men should not get erections from being poked in the eye!

Other couples in the death spiral of a soured initiation ritual, really just need to learn to laugh and have fun while at the same time giving the other partner space to be fun, seductive, and playful as well. THEN you just do it! 

Cheers,
Badsanta


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

badsanta said:


> She dismisses that one partner may not ever be motivated by desire, but needs stimulation first and I disagree. I think it is all about how the ritual of initiation works.
> 
> Badsanta


First-hand experience here - this woman is bang-on. My wife is exactly like this. No thoughts of sex whatsoever, until she's turned on first. THEN comes her desire.

I know this, I think SHE knows this, but it'll be great to show her this video and have an outside source (an expert) confirm that this is possible. As it is now, I think she struggles with believing this is a thing, and she feels (and has said) that she doesn't feel "right". Every other woman she knows has clear and obvious sexual desire first, and she knows she's different. Whenever they sit around and talk about their husbands or Magic Mike or whatever else turns them on, she feels nothing and just smiles and nods. We're in that age group where all her female friends read the Grey books and go see Magic Mike together and all that and then sit around and discuss over a bottle of wine. My wife read them, and saw the movies, and felt absolutely nothing, whereas her friends all chuckle over what they're going to do to their husbands later that night.

The irony is that I probably get my brains screwed out 10x better then their husbands do, but there's no desire for her until she does, and it's like 3 times a month.

Thank god this video exists, because she's the type of person that needs clear and precise confirmation from somebody who knows what they're talking about before she believes it.

I'm telling you man, once my wife gets going, it's like she makes up for lost time or something. Her desire is non-existent up until we're going at it, then it's HIGHER than mine. She can't get enough, nothing's off-limits, and she's almost insatiable.

It's getting to that damn point that's the issue... :crying:


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