# Making Friends



## AllyCat702 (May 30, 2021)

How do you make friends as an adult? None of my friends are married and they all judge me if I talk about any marital issues I am having. I sometimes want to have the support of another woman to know I’m heading in the right direction.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You could look on sites like meetup.com for activities you are interested in. That would introduce you to people who have similar interests. 

Do you have young kids? It seems most cities have mom groups on Facebook and they arrange play dates for the kids and moms.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

AllyCat702 said:


> How do you make friends as an adult? None of my friends are married and they all judge me if I talk about any marital issues I am having. I sometimes want to have the support of another woman to know I’m heading in the right direction.


What do you mean 'they all judge you' ...what I'm wanting to determine is if they actually have your back or not. As in, what does 'judging you' look like? If a friend brings something to me about her marital dynamic, then it's typically a close friend, and as close friends our dynamic will consist of some objectivity, listening, or some calling-out. If there's been a friend who just wants to gripe about their husband without taking pause, action, or accountability in some form then it's unlikely we're a good fit as friends. Therefore, this is why I'm curious as to how you feel 'judging' seems to you? Just because your current friends aren't married does not mean they can't offer good perspectives. It may also depend on which marital issues you're raising, and how you are raising them.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

AllyCat702 said:


> I sometimes want to have the support of another woman to know I’m heading in the right direction.


To this though - your husband will be best positioned to navigate this with you; not your girlfriends.

What is important to your husband needs to come from him, and then together how your dynamic occurs.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

To then answer your question: I have made friends through hobby groups and work.

And for what it's worth, I typically discuss any 'issues' within my marriage with my husband; not my friends. I might share snippets here and there of experiences when relating to something they are sharing, or what I / we learned but that's it. I deal with stuff with him directly and between us. If a friend is bouncing some things off me, then cool. If a friend just wanted to gripe and complain (aside from the rare occasion), I would likely lose respect for her and it's highly likely that based on my feedback and body language they would recognize that I have slipped into judging mode. In that sense, I can be less tolerable at times than perhaps others I know who have more patience and acceptance. I'm not suggesting that is what you are doing, yet I'm explaining why I asked my previous questions to you.


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## AllyCat702 (May 30, 2021)

heartsbeating said:


> To then answer your question: I have made friends through hobby groups and work.
> 
> And for what it's worth, I typically discuss any 'issues' within my marriage with my husband; not my friends. I might share snippets here and there of experiences when relating to something they are sharing, or what I / we learned but that's it. I deal with stuff with him directly and between us. If a friend is bouncing some things off me, then cool. If a friend just wanted to gripe and complain (aside from the rare occasion), I would likely lose respect for her and it's highly likely that based on my feedback and body language they would recognize that I have slipped into judging mode. In that sense, I can be less tolerable at times than perhaps others I know who have more patience and acceptance. I'm not suggesting that is what you are doing, yet I'm explaining why I asked my previous questions to you.


This is a valid point and I try to communicate always with him but sometimes I feel like he isn’t always hearing what I’m saying. I do not share private or personal issues with friends and I would never talk to them first.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

AllyCat702 said:


> This is a valid point and I try to communicate always with him but sometimes I feel like he isn’t always hearing what I’m saying. I do not share private or personal issues with friends and I would never talk to them first.


I’m confused as I thought you felt judged by your non-married friends when raising marital issues with them?


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