# How to get intimacy back after separation



## sparkside1 (Jun 26, 2010)

Hi all,

My wife and I have been separated for a year now and after she had a brief fling and tried to see if the grass is greener, she wants to be with me and nobody else, she finds me attractive but clams up at the thought of sex with me or anyone else for that matter. She says that she loves me but doesn't know how to get her passionate feelings for me back. She doesn't just want to lay on the bed and get it over with and wants sex to happen naturally. We cuddle and peck on the lips but that is all. She said that if I hold her from behind, she feels uncomfortable and feels like there is pressure on her to sleep with me even though I don't even bring the subject up and respect her space. She believes that she has built a forcefield around herself and is scared to let me in incase I let her down in life. How do I work on this and have any of you experienced a similar problem?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Sparks, I've been keeping up on your story on the Reconciliation place, and I think that she still sees you as her safety net. This is just my opinion, but I think that she is just biding her time in a safe, stable environment which you are providing. She may have no intention of putting out for you-she just wants you to be a roommate who provides for her until she can find someone better.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

I know what to do to help, but I am not convinced you are really wanting this with the kind of woman who will cheat on you, then worry you whether YOU will let her down or some such thing. :scratchhead:

If you want this woman to be on fire for you, start by making it as so that it would be practically impossible for her to have sex with you even if she tried very hard with all her might and begged you on her knees.

Otherwise, she is using you terribly, and as long as you allow this, she will not see you as a sexual partner, but a roomate or a little brother. 

Now, there is no respect to you from her.

Before sexual attraction, there must be respect.

Even though you are married, and have had I assume some healthy sexual relations in the past, it is not uncommon for the married man to wind up in the "friend zone."

Avoid the "friend zone."

Friend zone discussion:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...-dating-would-ruin-our-friendship-satire.html

Respect, then sexual attraction. These threads are this:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html


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