# Husband searching local escorts



## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

Hi all. New to the group. 

Recently found my husband has been searching escorts in the last two areas we have lived. He says it?s just like porn to him and it?s non of my business & I shouldn?t have even been looking in the first place. I can?t help but wonder where this may or have already went. 

When I confronted him he infact turns this around on me making me the problem for looking at his phone in the first place although we both always had access to each others phones and suddenly now
It?s a different attitude. Been together 5 years , married almost 2 and I?m 3 months pregnant. 

I know this isn?t normal for men to just look up local *****s. I?m trying to deal with this somehow but I?m finding I?m becoming more distant and getting fed up with him refusing to notice I infact have feelings and being told to deal with it or *** off. That?s exactly what I get told. 

What would anyone do in my shoes if this was them? I think I?m being too soft on this issue tbh.


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## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

> I know this isn?t normal for men to just look up local *****s.


Agreed



> I think I?m being too soft on this issue tbh.


Agreed


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

There is indeed a difference between porn and looking at local escorts. Porn is a fantasy. He does not know the women and can not meet the women. Local escorts are attainable. And, if it is truly like porn, why local escorts? Perhaps they came up on a porn site based on his geolocation from computer/phone. Anyway, they are attainable. Should temptation take over, he can dial them up. Not so with porn.

Him turning it on you is telling in my opinion. He is blame shifting, a favorite tactic of the guilty. Although I understand him being edgy about the invasion of his privacy, you do say you used to have access to the phone and the protective attitude is new. This is another flag.

I think there is little doubt he is being truthful. He is looking for some type of escape - that could be as bad as wanting out of the marriage to as simple as a sense of panic over the fact that there is a baby on the way and this marriage just got "real".


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## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

Thank you for your reply

I had this discussion about the fact if he wanted to he could simply meet these woman but I got the “you really don’t know me” crap talk. He is on the defence when I bring it up. He said it’s his own private fantasy and the fact they are local adds to that. I think personally he is full of **** and trying to get himself out of it. I argued how can he go from using porn to be turned on by a pic of a escort. It’s just a pic and nothing more on these sites. So this as a fantasy sounds a **** as the person he is right now


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

lostgirl17 said:


> told to deal with it or *** off.


Tell him "the way I am going to deal with it is to *** off. Permanently. I won't be back, and neither will your child. You do this one more time, and both of us will be GONE. And, you can then do this all you like, as long as you pay your alimony and child support, and your child and I will be living with a decent, moral, upright man who deserves to be my husband and my child's father."



lostgirl17 said:


> “you really don’t know me”


You can answer, "You're completely right. But I am learning EXACTLY what you are like based upon your selfish and sinful actions. And, I can tell you of a fact, that I am NOT GOING TO REMAIN MARRIED to any man who is like you. Either get your ass plugged into me and your unborn child, or both of us will be GONE."


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

The longer you *****foot around this issue, the worse the problem will get. He knows he is out of bounds, hence his efforts to turn the blame on you for snooping. 

I am an open book with my wife. I wouldn't be very happy if she were constantly investigating me due to baseless suspicion, but I have no problem with her checking into anything she likes if she needs to. In truth, if we can't maintain a high level of trust overall the marriage has little meaning in the first place. 

Take decisive action now. Clearly and firmly communicate your boundaries to him and prepare to do what you must if he continues to violate them.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

I like to walk by where all the heroin dealers live. It's not that I'm looking to get high. Actually, it's almost like getting high just walking by them. How dare you accuse me of wanting to try heroin! Anyway, it's your fault for knowing I walk by heroin dealers!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

He's lied, concealed, and blame shifted. He cannot be trusted. You are pregnant. Your unborn child's future health and even life is at risk if he visits a prostitute or finds some random skank and brings home an STI. This is NOT something you can be soft on, you can't nice him, you have to go Momma Bear.

If he's crossed the physical line and visited a prostitute, he'd have to pay for it. That means he may have left a paper trail. If I were you, I'd be going over the finances of at least the last 6 months with a fine tooth comb. I'd also run both credit reports to see if there are any lines of credit or credit cards that have been newly opened. And check balances on current credit cards/lines of credit. Look for cash withdrawls/cash back at supermarkets and other stores, too. Some will even buy a random item using their credit or debit card and then return it for cash to hide spending. So, if you see an item purchased that you can't find around the house, keep digging.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

lostgirl17 said:


> Thank you for your reply
> 
> I had this discussion about the fact if he wanted to he could simply meet these woman but I got the “you really don’t know me” crap talk. He is on the defence when I bring it up. He said it’s his own private fantasy and the fact they are local adds to that. I think personally he is full of **** and trying to get himself out of it. I argued how can he go from using porn to be turned on by a pic of a escort. It’s just a pic and nothing more on these sites. So this as a fantasy sounds a **** as the person he is right now


This guy is SO full of **** his eyes are brown.

You married a snake. Unfortunately, you found out after you got pregnant so that complicates things a lot.

If you're smart, you won't have sex with this ass-hole. He sounds like the type who would have NO problem risking yours and your unborn baby's health just so he can get some cheap thrills with local escorts. Don't be so sure he hasn't already done it many times.


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

lostgirl,
When we get married, we are entering into an agreement. At one of the most fundamental levels, it is about not doing things that damage the other person. The details of what that means may differ from couple to couple because we all find different things hurtful or unacceptable to differing degrees. But the point is that married people trying to be happily married don't behave without consideration for their spouse. I find it hard to imagine any marriage where what your husband is doing would be acceptable, but your husband would clearly like to be in one. You do not. What are you prepared to do to ensure that he respects your position? You don't need us to tell you his behaviour is unacceptable. (Although we are.) You need to decide for yourself whether this is a deal-breaker, baby or not. Because if this isn't the marriage you want (and I completely get that it wouldn't be), then you are the only one who can change it.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Mizzbak said:


> When we get married, we are entering into an agreement. At one of the most fundamental levels, it is about not doing things that damage the other person.


Absolutely correct. This is the purpose of marriage. It is where we promise to not do things which damage the other person. We require marriage for sex because of that fact, that we are far less likely to be damaged by a committed partner who has promised to "forsake all others".

IMO, and I'm quite sure in the opinion of many others here, your husband has violated his marriage vows by this activity. Your husband is trying to rationalize his behavior into something acceptable in his own conscience by blaming you for "finding out". I'm relatively certain when he promised you before God and witnesses that he would "keep himself only unto" you, that he didn't tell the officiating person "it's none of her business". I don't think any rational official would have pronounced him your husband based upon that answer.

If you wouldn't have accepted that answer at the time of your marriage, then there is no reason for you to accept it now.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Do you know if he was just looking at sites passively, was watching a private show, or if he tried to contact one of the strippers?

If he was just looking at adds, its possible it was just porn / fantasy. If he tried to contact them, that is a whole different story.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

You are being too soft. Any healthy woman in your shoes would dump him like a rotten hot potatoe. He is full of lies and yes ****!

To do this at a time when he should be elated that a woman dignifies him with giving him a child is pretty damn low. Let this loser go. He is not marriage material. Sadly, he probably will be terrible dad material as well. If you stay, you are simply wasting precious time that you will never get back. Stop wasting your time and youth on this douche bag!

Wouldn't you advise a beloved friend or sister to dump the loser if you were out of the problem instead of in it chin deep like you really are? The only difference is that your feelings for this loser are in the way. Your feelings are working agsinst you. Logicaly, you know the route to go is to dump his hideous ass! 

Your head is spot on, your feelings are hindering your judgement. This is strictly business now that the marriage needs to be dissolved. It was a mistake. You correct the mistake by divorcing this a-hole!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

lostgirl17 said:


> I had this discussion about the fact *if he wanted to he could simply meet these woman* but I got the “you really don’t know me” crap talk. He is on the defence when I bring it up. He said it’s his own private fantasy and the fact they are local adds to that.


I know I really should not make a joke, but your husband comes across as a guy that is perhaps too cheap to go visit a local strip club. Here is some bad advice... Tell your husband that your friends want you to go out to a strip club and they plan to get you a lap dance or two. Not for real, but just to see his reaction. Have some of your friends back you up on this story and perhaps just go out for a coffee instead. If he argues tell him, "you really don't know me!"

Regards,
Badsanta


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

lostgirl17 said:


> Hi all. New to the group.
> 
> Recently found my husband has been searching escorts in the last two areas we have lived. He says it?s just like porn to him and it?s non of my business & I shouldn?t have even been looking in the first place. I can?t help but wonder where this may or have already went.
> 
> ...


If a man I was married to told me that it was none of my business and that I should deal with it or **** off, I would know that he wasn't a man I wanted to be with pregnant or not. I think that you have sadly married a lying cheater who is rude and offensive and cares nothing for your feelings or your marriage. You need to make a decision whether to stay with him or not.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lostgirl17 said:


> Thank you for your reply
> 
> I had this discussion about the fact if he wanted to he could simply meet these woman but I got the “you really don’t know me” crap talk. He is on the defence when I bring it up. He said it’s his own private fantasy and the fact they are local adds to that. I think personally he is full of **** and trying to get himself out of it. I argued how can he go from using porn to be turned on by a pic of a escort. It’s just a pic and nothing more on these sites. So this as a fantasy sounds a **** as the person he is right now


Welcome on board to TAM, @LostGirl. I am sorry you had to seek us out, but glad you found us.

Now, let's see, If it was "like porn" to him, why is he looking for local prostitutes? Surely if it was merely "like porn" to him, he would search for prostitutes in a different country? :scratchhead:

I notice you spell defence like I do. So, I'm presuming you could be in Britain.

If so, I think you need to get some free one hour sessions with local solicitors to find out what your rights are.

And in case he has been playing away, to coin a phrase, you might need to visit your local GUM clinic for tests for STDs.


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## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

He said he only looking as a fantasy and never ever has interest in paid sex etc. He made it clear he was ashamed that he even had to explain his fantasy to me and how he sometimes gets off


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

I agree that fantasies (kept inside our heads) are our own business. But, as mature adults, we need understand that they can still impact our real life. (The one with actual people in it.) Particularly when we begin to obsess about them. And once those internal thoughts start to unpack themselves into actual physical actions, they are no longer just private fantasies. Actions in the real world have real consequences. Fantasies that are "safe" (and I use the word with care) stay safely inside our imagination. They do not impact on our day-to-day lives and they certainly don't involve actions that invite them to become real. That is when fantasising starts to become planning. 

Your husband's fantasies are fed by him tying them into reality. He gets a huge adrenalin rush out of knowing that he *could*, if he wanted to, make them real. These are not standard porn fantasies, they are reality-augmented ones. He gets a kick out of imagining the detailed steps, the way he would get to what he wants. And he doesn't want to lose that or even admit that it is unhealthy and inappropriate. His response says that he knows what he is doing is not morally acceptable, otherwise he wouldn't get so angry (he is ashamed). But that doesn't mean he can bury his head in the sand about what he is doing. 

My bigger issue is with his refusal to appreciate or even try to understand your perspective. I'm asking again @lostgirl17 - what are you prepared to do to get the marriage you want? Or does your husband think he can get to have both you and these incredibly unhealthy (for your marriage) fantasies?


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## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

@Mizzbak, 

Thank you for your responses.

I honestly don't know. For the past 3 days I have been thinking of the what ifs, its mentally exhausting now.

Everything was as perfect as I wanted until this, this now has made me feel why should I care... Why should I stick around for this and possibly find out later he has in fact met one of these women. All I want is a healthy and loving marriage which I had until now.... 

I find this an odd fantasy - I just don't get it one bit... Maybe its more common that I realise with men- who knows. 

The bottom line is, I no longer feel i'm enough for him that he has to be on this road, Why should I feel that way for anyone.... I should be the one telling him to hit the kerb NOT the other way around....


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## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

@uhtred 

He said he only looking as a fantasy and never ever has interest in paid sex etc. He made it clear he was ashamed that he even had to explain his fantasy to me and how he sometimes gets off


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

lostgirl17 said:


> He said he only looking as a fantasy and never ever has interest in paid sex etc. He made it clear *he was ashamed* that he even had to explain his fantasy to me and how he sometimes gets off


Generally speaking shame and fantasy don't mix well. More often than not those using shame during self exploration will get you a big surge of adrenaline. Adrenaline-based sexual experiences can be very addictive, which in turn creates a need to escalate the amount of shame one pushes themselves to experience in order to maintain the adrenaline. 

For those that use porn, this may also be discussed as a constant and insatiable pursuit of novelty. 

Perhaps your husband finds the topic shameful and started looking at photos of real life prostitutes out of curiosity and found such content to be exciting from an adrenaline rush. Then it became boring after a while. In order to achieve some more excitement he thought he would try searching local prostitutes and it worked. That too will become boring, and will have to continue escalating somehow. What will it be next? 

For those that enjoy mixing shame and sex within the context of monogamy, generally speaking it evolves into mild role play with elements of humiliation. If you want to freak your husband out, try seducing him while at the same time mildly confronting him about his shameful behaviors. Hopefully he will let his defenses down and you will get to see what shame, adrenaline, and sexual pleasure looks like when that all comes together for him. It could however backfire if he gets defensive and becomes upset.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Its not a very common fantasy, but maybe not so odd.

Its clear that some people like "reality" in porn. Amateur porn (which is mostly really pro) is popular. Spy camera (which are generally not really hidden) porn is popular. I don't see it as a stretch for someone to want to fantasize about a woman that the know they *could* have, even if they have no intention of actually doing so.

Unless there is evidence that he actually contacted these women or had sex with them, I'd treat it like discovering he has a kink / fetish for an uncommon type of porn. How you feel about porn and how you want to react to that is of course up to you.

Lots of people have fantasies that they would not be comfortable sharing. I don't think that in itself has anything to do with not feeling that their partner is not enough for them. 

Some people don't tend to have strong fantasies so its difficult for them to imagine the thinking of those who do. 

Again, this is all assuming that there is no evidence that he actually did anything - to me that is a whole different issue. 


In the end though if either of you can't tolerate the others sexual fantasies and interests, then it is time to leave. 














lostgirl17 said:


> @Mizzbak,
> 
> Thank you for your responses.
> 
> ...


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

lostgirl17 said:


> Thank you for your reply
> 
> I had this discussion about the fact if he wanted to he could simply meet these woman but I got the “you really don’t know me” crap talk. He is on the defence when I bring it up. He said it’s his own private fantasy and the fact they are local adds to that. I think personally he is full of **** and trying to get himself out of it. I argued how can he go from using porn to be turned on by a pic of a escort. It’s just a pic and nothing more on these sites. So this as a fantasy sounds a **** as the person he is right now


You are arguing with a person who does not want to come to a resolution. It is time to accept that. There is no point in arguing under these circumstances. I have been there. Time to take a bold leap. NO more arguing about it. NO more trying to convince him that you are right and that what he is doing is damaging your marriage and hurting you. He does not want to be convinced. The raw truth is: he is putting this "fantasy" ahead of your marriage. We can speculate as to why like he wants to have an affair, or he wants to get out of the marriage, or he is bored...blah, blah, blah. The reasons should not matter to you at this stage because he does not care the effect on the marriage or you - or at least he is willing to risk the effects for his own pleasure.

When you bring it up, you don't argue. You make statements. Be ready to make them when you do - that is, don't say something that you have not fully thought out. If that means not a lot of talking, then that is what it means for now.

Use "I" statements and only "I" statements. Do not start a sentence with "you". "I do not like what you are doing." "I think this is causing problems in our marriage" "I feel I can not trust your fidelity when I see you searching local women" 

"I feel", "I think", and "I want" "I will" Think in terms of sentences that begin with these.

Take some time and think of where your boundaries are. Write them down, even if it is not organized. It will help. When I was in this situation, I put a chair in my closet. I had a notebook that I kept very well hidden. I went in the closet every morning and wrote. Use "I" statements in your writing. Maybe start with a day of sentences beginning with "I don't like...", then sentences with "I won't...." and "I want...." That will help you determine your boundaries.

One more thing, and I feel this is important: Be very clear with yourself about what is a fact (I have seen him on local escort sites) and what is a fear (I am afraid he will have an affair). Be extremely careful when speaking to your husband or even to yourself that you make that distinction. 

Good luck.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

lostgirl17 said:


> ....Recently found my husband has been searching escorts in the last two areas we have lived. He says it?s just like porn to him and it?s non of my business & I shouldn?t have even been looking in the first place. I can?t help but wonder where this may or have already went.
> 
> When I confronted him he infact turns this around on me making me the problem for looking at his phone in the first place although we both always had access to each others phones and suddenly now
> It?s a different attitude. Been together 5 years , married almost 2 *and I?m 3 months pregnant.*
> ...





lostgirl17 said:


> .....I had this discussion about the fact if he wanted to he could simply meet these woman but I got the “you really don’t know me” crap talk. He is on the defence when I bring it up. He said it’s his own private fantasy and the fact they are local adds to that. I think personally he is full of **** and trying to get himself out of it......





lostgirl17 said:


> He said he *only looking as a fantasy and never ever has interest in paid sex *etc. He made it *clear he was ashamed* that he even had to explain his fantasy to me and how he sometimes gets off





lostgirl17 said:


> @uhtred
> 
> He said he *only looking as a fantasy and never ever has interest in paid sex etc.* He made it clear he was ashamed that he even had to explain his fantasy to me and how he sometimes gets off



OK, I have a much different opinion than most. 

You are very lucky to get such a wake up call. Don't feel guilty over the snooping that uncovered it. A sixth sense told you to snoop. Trust that 6th sense. You are his wife and you know him better than he probably knows himself.

You are pregnant and he knows that. That can be an incredible blissful or stressful time in a man's life.

Some men panic. Some realize that they are now financially responsible for a wife and child, they now have "responsibilities." It can be a wake up call. Other men get crazy. The Madonna-who*e complex is real. The way you treat the mother of your children may be much different than the way to treat the woman you want to have sex with and shares your bed. Still another small group of men are afraid of having sex with their pregnant wife for fear of harming the baby and yet they feel they need sex for their ego or self esteem. While all of these things seem silly, to some men the sight of their obviously pregnant wife will make them do strange things. 

Your husband is doing strange things and you have caught him at it. He doesn't need you to mother him. Still he needs to you trust him and visa versa. Approach him on this level.

Don't mother him. Don't let him blame you. Don't fight about it. Simply tell him that you are concerned and you need him to build the trust between you. Tell him that you understand your pregnancy is probably freaking him out to some extent, but that it is nature and can be an incredible blessing. Then tell him that you would like to go to some form of marriage counseling or church group counseling as you want to put this whole thing behind you.

A lot of people that cheat, seem to put themselves in compromising positions as a way of testing themselves, all the while saying it is harmless until the famous "one thing lead to another." I am not saying he has cheated or will cheat, but I do think that looking up local escorts is a way of in his own mind having a fantasy where he is testing his resolve to stay faithful to you. Yes it may be a fantasy to him, but it could be one where he might weaken and find that he has not only failed to live up to his own challenge, but to his marriage vows.

As a woman who will soon be delivering a baby you need to be sure of your husband.

Another thing. Now is the time to set boundaries in your relationship. Figure out what your personal boundaries are. If it were me, I would tell him very clearly that his going to and/or paying an escort, even if he doesn't have sex with one will destroy his marriage. Also tell him, if you mean it, that having any form of sex with another person for any reason will also destroy his marriage and that you will divorce him in a heart beat. Tell him it doesn't matter if he is drunk, if it is a happy ending massage, a stripper undoes his zipper, whatever it is, his marriage is over. 

Good luck.

My advice is to focus on your future and work with your H to improve it. Soon enough you will have a life changing event that will change the both of you. Work now to make sure your baby has a good family to come home to from the hospital.


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## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

Good morning everyone. Thank you all again for your help supportive responses since I came here and posted when I was weak and broken.....

I want to give you all an update since I posted back then!

Well as you all wanted to know and advised me hugely was leave ... I did. I’m going at it alone with my amazing daughter who turns 2 next month. Can you believe! We never looked back. Great new home, new life and lots of love and laughter. My dream job came my way and we have enjoyed some wonderful holidays, without the waster of a man I married!!!

I got tested For STI whilst I was sat pregnant shamed to the core & crying on the phone to my brother, luckily it was negitive but sadly the shame and hurt was positive from it!

I found out a lot more on my ex husband after I kicked him to the street at 6am one morning, many things came to surface, cheating , lies , hookers, even flew to different countries on the sly to have sex with disgusting woman. Anyhow. I found it all out and it only kept me away and drove me to be bigger and better for me and mylittle girl

He lost everything , job, car , friends and mostly his baby. I wouldn’t describe him as amazing in anyway. Bear min dad in my opinion. Xbox and booze is priority whilst still under his mummy’s roof - I’m sure he will rebuild one day & frankly I don’t care. 

I am happily single & better than ever & never looked back. It was the hardest experience of my life. The pain was unbearable and depression was setting in. Took me a year to fight it off completely and wake up normal again. When you have a baby you never imagine your going to be alone with it well I was and am. It’s only making me stronger and she also grows up
Without a negitive factor around her now. 

I’m happy again & lots of goals ahead xxx


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*lostgirl17,*

Outstanding! It's great to hear that you and your daughter are doing so well. Good for you!!


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## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> *lostgirl17,*
> 
> Outstanding! It's great to hear that you and your daughter are doing so well. Good for you!!


thank you. Happy & healthy. No more being dragged down and hurt by a weak useless excuse of a man anylonger xxx


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I'm glad you have found your happy. You and your daughter are all you need. I'm also you found out about your husband before he could being a STD home to you or ruin your credit or many other bad things that could have happened. I'm sure it hurt and I see you were depressed but you are in a much better place now. Enjoy!


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Wonderful post. Enjoy your bright future together!


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## Becoming [email protected] (Apr 29, 2020)

uhtred said:


> Do you know if he was just looking at sites passively, was watching a private show, or if he tried to contact one of the strippers?
> 
> If he was just looking at adds, its possible it was just porn / fantasy. If he tried to contact them, that is a whole different story.


Shouldn’t matter, if you want porn, look at porn, if you need more, talk to your spouse and arrange some other kind of foreplay. Looking at chics you can attain for a fee. Naw dude, don’t work that way. Especially if he’s worried about that phone. Especially if it’s kept wiped clean, done cheated.


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## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

Becoming [email protected] said:


> Shouldn’t matter, if you want porn, look at porn, if you need more, talk to your spouse and arrange some other kind of foreplay. Looking at chics you can attain for a fee. Naw dude, don’t work that way. Especially if he’s worried about that phone. Especially if it’s kept wiped clean, done cheated.


Totally agree.
I left him anyhow. Xxx


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## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

HI All, I just came across this post after years of posting it!

I thought i would update you all, I did infact kick his ass out and we left.. Never looked back xxx 

I had enough and did not want that loser bringing me or my child down over and over in he future, so I left , years on we are doing amazing and he remains in the gutter I hear treating woman like dirt... x

Thanks all for the support back then


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

lostgirl17 said:


> HI All, I just came across this post after years of posting it!
> 
> I thought i would update you all, I did infact kick his ass out and we left.. Never looked back xxx
> 
> ...


Good stuff. 
I'm glad to hear you're doing well.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Don’t focus on what he did (looking at escorts), but how he responded when confronted (blamed you). That tells me the type of person he is…someone who can’t be trusted and is 100% looking for sex outside the marriage. You are married, everything he does is your business. 

Most guys in that situation would say something like…i was just curious, but would NEVER sleep with a hooker. And then apologize profusely.

You’re in a tough situation.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She's not in a tough situation. She ditched Captain Loser. Last heard he was now the problem of other women.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Sorry but it’s low class and cheating.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@lostgirl17 ,

Such a good update and positive example for those going through this!!! Thank you for posting about your new, happy life and wonderful daughter!!! Good job being brave enough to love yourself more and take action!!!


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I was worried for a moment this was a zombie thread, but no, it's good news


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

Oops. Write this before I realized it was 5 years old. Ugh. What a horrible position to be in. When someone gets caught doing something they know is wrong or hurtful, and they are actually sorry, they act contrite and stop the behavior and work toward healing. He is doing none of that. Telling your pregnant wife to F off over questioning this is really, really telling of who he is. You are in a fairly new marriage and expecting your first baby. This should literally be the happiest, most exciting time of your life and marriage. I fear you are in for years of this kind of treatment if it’s this bad now. Things like this don’t get better. His complete lack of respect for you and how he treats you is mind boggling, and very telling of his morals and values. You are not overreacting. He sounds angry, hostile and immature and I can’t imagine he’s going to miraculously be a loving, tender, hands-on dad and partner in parenting. I’d bet my house on it. He’s supposed to be your best friend, your partner and your safe person. He’s not.  I hate to say it but it really is ultimatum time, which will likely just push him underground. I hope you have great family support with people who actually love and respect you. So sorry he’s treating you this way.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

MattMatt said:


> She's not in a tough situation. She ditched Captain Loser. Last heard he was now the problem of other women.


Tough situation = 3 months pregnant with this idiots child. Chances are, she will have to deal with him for many years.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

I was scammed by a zombie thread again.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

lostgirl17 said:


> Hi all. New to the group.
> 
> Recently found my husband has been searching escorts in the last two areas we have lived. He says it?s just like porn to him and it?s non of my business & I shouldn?t have even been looking in the first place. I can?t help but wonder where this may or have already went.
> 
> ...


Divorce him. The only reasonable fix for this kind of trashiness, deceit, disrespect, etc.
You can’t fix this in a person.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

happyhusband0005 said:


> I was scammed by a zombie thread again.


Ugh me too


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## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

SCDad01 said:


> Don’t focus on what he did (looking at escorts), but how he responded when confronted (blamed you). That tells me the type of person he is…someone who can’t be trusted and is 100% looking for sex outside the marriage. You are married, everything he does is your business.
> 
> Most guys in that situation would say something like…i was just curious, but would NEVER sleep with a hooker. And then apologize profusely.
> 
> You’re in a tough situation.


I left almost 4 year sago  I was updating the post as I cam across it after such a long time!


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## lostgirl17 (Oct 19, 2017)

Marc878 said:


> Sorry but it’s low class and cheating.


It sure was, I left him almost 4 years ago..  Happy and best decision made x


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

happyhusband0005 said:


> I was scammed by a zombie thread again.


It's not a zombie thread! The OP updated her thread!


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> It's not a zombie thread! The OP updated her thread!


I had responded to the original. which was really awkward because in my original response I was posting referred to another old thread that I remembered being similar because it was the same. Oh well need to pay better attention to the dates on things. 

Congrats to @lostgirl17 for doing the wise thing.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

lostgirl17 said:


> I left almost 4 year sago  I was updating the post as I cam across it after such a long time!


Ahh, sorry. I’m a little slow.


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