# Marriage going south



## Lab (Aug 28, 2012)

I've been married for almost 3 years. We have 2 kids. A 8 year old son ( I never made him, but he's mine! and i'm the only dad he knows) and a 7 month old girl. We all live in my father's house. He's 80 years old, and my mother passed away 4 years ago. Dad is in ok health, but needs someone around i think. We moved home when mom passed.

For the last 6 years i've worked at a seasonal job and for about 5-6 months of the year, i spent 1 day (or 2 if i'm lucky) a week at home. The rest of the time i spent at work on a fishing boat. From october to April, i spend all of my time at home. 

I hated my job, and hated being away from home so much, and my wife did to. Every year she'd cry when the season started for work. My wife is astay at home mom.

Recently, I got a new job in town, so that i work full time, and will be home every night. My wife seems like she is still not happy.

She says she hates living where we are, and wants to move back to her home town( about 1.5 hours drive).She goes there every single weekend now, and spends most of every summer there when i was at work. Every time we talk she says it is getting harder and harder to come home. She said she'd sad that because i took a job in our small town,the glimmer of hope
she had of moving back to her home town is gone. At my old job I had to travel from port to port, so my home could be anywhere. 

She says she doesn't want to come home, but only does because i am here. She is very sad, and cries often, and i don't know what to do. I have an ok job, and cannot just pick up and move. Also, there is my dad to consider. 

I am afraid that my wife will move back to her parent's house with the kids if something doesn't change, but i have the only working income, and finding a new job without being away from homefor half the year is next to impossible. Because we have just the one income, money is tight. With car payments and other bills, rent and other expenses would be too much right now, so living with one or the other's parents is our only option.

So many details i know. If i keep my job and stay, I may lose my family. If I give in and move, I cannot support them financially. What do I do?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Is there a possibility that she is having an affair with someone in her home town?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lab (Aug 28, 2012)

no, no affair. I'm 99.9999% positive. almost all of the visits that she makes to her hometown are with me. She is not a very social person and rarely even viisits other family and friends while we are there. She says that she loves me, but we just want to live in different places. The problem is that when we are home, she is constantly telling me how unhappy she is here, and when we visit here hometown every weekend, she is telling me how unhappy she is that we soon have to go back home.

I think that because I am the one bringing home the salary, and because other work is so hard to find, we should be able to find a way to stay here.

As far as I can see, the only way for her to be happy, is for me to find a job away from home that pays better. I would have to be gone for half the year, and for me, that is unacceptable. I DO NOT want to miss half of my kids life. That is the only way for me right now to be able to provide her with what she wants.

It seems that I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Also, there are probaly other issues as well. She worries about everything, and I am very laid back. I think that our relationship is ok, but she is very unhappy, and threatens to stay at her parents constantly. This has been going on for a long time. I've gotten to the point where i actually told her that I am tired of hearing her complain. I said that I want her to stay, but if she feels like she can't be here, then maybe she should stay at her parents. 

I really just want her to be happy, but she says she doesn't want to be in either place without me. Maybe i should just give in, quit my jobs, and go on welfare, but that would present a whole new set of problems.

We love each other ( I think) but we're finding that this problem is driving us apart. maybe there are other issues. maybe she has depression. maybe i'm an idiot and can't see what the REAL problem is. All i know is that she deserves to be happy, and everything i do to try to achieve that ends up back-firing.


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## Lab (Aug 28, 2012)

man, i sure do go on sometimes


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Honestly I think she has some issues. She sounds kind of immature or maybe she is depressed and anxious. Has she ever been through any kind of trauma? 
What kind if fishing do you do?
So she waited until you got your new job to tell you she wanted to move? 
It sounds to me like she could use some counseling and a good psychiatrist. You are doing the responsible thing for your family and healthy adults are able to live places that aren't perfect if it means their family can stay together. 
I'm sorry she is doing this. Maybe she needs to get a life there, get involved in things, start some hobbies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lab (Aug 28, 2012)

I used to work ob boats fising for snow crab and shrimp, but working on fishing boats means being away from home, a lot. I hated it, but the money was ok.

I'm thinking that my wife has depression issues. her uncle has a mental illness, but i'm sure if it is hereditary. I even mentioned it to her once, and i may as well have slapped her in the face. She did not take it well. She insisted she is not DEPRESSED, but to me she seems depressed most of the time. I think seeing a doctor would be a good idea for her, but I think that she would not agree. I've mentioned that to her as well, but she flat out refuses. She cannot see any problem other than our relationship being broken.

Maybe it is a vicious cycle. Our hurting relationship makes her depressed, and her depression makes our relationship worse.

Even if she did want to see someone though, the nearest counsellor is a boat ride and another 1.5 hours away. not easy.

Maybe i am being insensitive too though. In the beginning, whenever i saw her being sad or feeling down, i would try my best to make her feel better.After being together for 5 years( married almost 3), It's almost like i've accepted that this is just the way she is. I find it difficult being in sympathy mode 24/7. I also feel like it is hard to try and make her feel better, when her mood often makes me feel useless and helpless as well. 

My inability to help her feel better, makes me feel bad, and when i feel that way, it's hard to cheer anyone up. another vicious cycle.

I think it would be good for her to socialize more too, but she refuses. She doesn't like the few friends i have around, and says she doesn't want to spend her time visiting old people. We've lived here for about 4 years now, and she hasn't really made any friends, and refuses to try in my opinion. 

Maybe my wife does need help, and maybe i'm an ******* for not supporting her more, but after 5 years of trying.... i just feel tired. The relationship path we are on has to end one way or another.


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## Lab (Aug 28, 2012)

Either she has to change, or I do, and I honestly have no idea what i can do to change myself. What can I do? tell her to see a doctor or pack her bags? beg her? give up?


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## chh0505 (Aug 31, 2012)

It sounds like she wants to leave you LAB not the town, if you too were head over heals for eachother it shouldn't matter where you live. right. but diwali123 is exactly right Lab. The exact same thing happened to me with my wife. diwali123 says "Honestly I think she has some issues. She sounds kind of immature or maybe she is depressed and anxious. Has she ever been through any kind of trauma? " The same sh*t exactly. My wife was very immature, depressed and anxious. and yes my wife did have some mental trauma, her father died when she was young. My wife waited until I was at work to leave me, lol, it really hurt at first now I think it's a joke, and so does my new girlfriend, lol. I was so good to my wife, never lied or cheated always brought home the bacon, bought her tons of stuff, travelled, was kind and warm hearted. I know now she is nuts. I still hurt of course but this was a few months ago and we have no kids and we were only married for almost two years, but togerther for 6. She wanted to move back to toronto where she THOUGHT it was better and to be close to her family that WASN'T ILL, hence the immaturity factor. I tried to explain to her (30 years old) that when people get married and try to start a family they do move away, far away sometimes from there families, that's why they invented airplanes, (shaking my head) She thought that toronto was better then ottawa, and there's no way that can be possible. she was a stubborn spanish girl. and naive. My advise to you lab is to let her stay there, keep close to her though, talk on the phone every night, make surprise visits there to her, but let her stay there and when she see's that it's crap there, and she starts missing you then she'll be wanting to come back. But surprise her and take her out for some dancing and drinking and dinner the works, to give her something to think about, don't let her think about depression and arguing or whatever. Look through all of your pictures together, remind her of the good times, and tell her they can be again. My wife didn't want to come back but our realtionship was going down the crapper for years. I don't even think I would take her crazy ass back after that decision of hers, after all I did for her and us, she treats me like this, F**k her then, she doesn't deserve me. I always laughed at other men when they said "WOMEN" but now I truely understand. Ask yourself this lab, if she wants to leave and not be with you, why do you even want a women like that. OK sure you have kids and time spent together, but don't let love blind you. If she doesn't want to be with you then she doesn't deserve you. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be single, lol, do you remember what that feels like. Hey you only live once and LAB and don't waste the rest your life with a woman that takes you for granted and is not head over heals for you. And believe me there are tons of women out there that would be for you. Good luck, but make the right choice. Don't wait and let her decide the fate of your relationship, you make the choice. and if you do end up single try the POF web site for meeting people, that site changed my love life and made me forget and made me happy, because LAB all us men deserve to be happy. we are the ones doing all the work right, sorry ladies, LOL. Well I hope I made you laugh and improved your mood a little, don't forget there are tons of lonely women out there that would improve your moood 24/7 Good luck !!!!!


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## Lab (Aug 28, 2012)

thanks for the words. alot to consider i guess. we'll see soon enough what the near future will bring. And i do know that i deserve to be happy, and so does she. We have to make it work soon or be done with it. I just want to try extra hard because i sincerely believe she wants to be with me. The trouble is that i think she wants it on her terms. We'll see how things turn out in the next little while, but thanks for the advice.


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