# Wife Now Takes Forever To Orgasm: A Chore Now



## Gunthar (Sep 2, 2012)

Hi All,

Still working out our marriage and sex issues.

Last issue was me being more selfish...initiate sex....well that has worked big time as we went from 2x/month to 2-3x week. Both of us are happy with this change.

Now the next issue I face I am baffled with so I figure get some advice on TAM (great advice so far )

Early in our marriage my wife could orgasm in 10-15 minutes after being warmed up.

9 years later she can take upwards of 45 minutes-1hour+. While I can really be into it for the first 30 minutes or so, after that I begin to lose the enthusiasm and focus on her having a orgasm. After stimulating for 30+minutes straight I do get a bit tired (hands as well as pe$#s and even legs start to tire)...not the spring chicken I used to be where I could go for an hour or 2 without problems.

This is where the problem lies in her opinion: She sees it that it has become a chore to me and she begins to lose the mood.....then she says it is not even worth it so if she does not orgasm within the hour AND I show drive we are done...she is frustrated.

Looking for advice. I was thinking since we are getting older and have lost some of the initial spark of the relationship maybe it is time for toys to be brought into the marriage (vibrator such as the Hitachi). Speed up her getting close to orgasm 

Also, maybe need to focus more on technique. 

Any other thoughts or info needed to help our sex life?


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## Relic (Sep 20, 2012)

Hitachi: Bingo.

We have one called the "fairy mini." It is very similar to the Hitachi but what we like better is that ours has a variable speed as opposed to high and low on the Hitachi.

Try watching some porn together. 

Let your wife watch some porn while you're performing oral sex on her. Perform oral for as long as she wants you to and tell her to turn on the Fairy Mini whenever she is ready.

A virbrator is very overdue.

Don't even discuss this with her. Just go get it for her.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Hitachi-is what you need for this job[lol]you can get her off first then go for the intercourse after, or go for awhile then bring in the Hitachi.

It should be known that the Hitachi is a both partner toy,just have her lube you up and massage the fun part to send you over.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Wands are good, as are rabbits. My wife can cum in a minute or two with the rabbit if she chooses to.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You talk about hands, penis, and legs... What about your mouth? I'll second the comment about getting a vibe. We use a We-Vibe Tango on a reasonably regular basis, as my GF doesn't orgasm through vaginal sex; she needs clitoral stimulation at the same time.

I would consider my GF a "tough orgasm". It takes her 20 or thirty minutes of oral sex to orgasm. But there are methods I can use to get her to orgasm in less than 30 seconds, if I want to "cheat". Learned them from this video:
Master degree of squirting !!! - Free Porn Videos - YouPorn

C


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

dubbizle said:


> Hitachi-is what you need for this job[lol]you can get her off first then go for the intercourse after, or go for awhile then bring in the Hitachi.
> 
> It should be known that the Hitachi is a both partner toy,just have her lube you up and massage the fun part to send you over.


:iagree: :iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Definitely toy time. Babes In Toyland online has a good selection; discreet, too.


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## Relic (Sep 20, 2012)

Gunther,

The people have spoken. Order that vibrator today.

Enjoy your much-improved and about-to-be-perfect sex life.


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## Michael A. Brown (Oct 16, 2012)

Many couples are now using sex toys to satisfy their sex needs.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Um...why is HER orgasm YOUR problem?

It isn't 'why don't you last longer'. It's 'why do you take so flippin long!'

She needs to address her problems herself. Has she taken it upon herself to take postgrad work on male sexual stimulation? No? So if she wants you to do more to excite her, why isn't she coming up with scenarios, positions, and techniques that she finds extra exciting instead of making you hack through the underbrush looking for the lost city of O?


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## Gunthar (Sep 2, 2012)

JCD said:


> Um...why is HER orgasm YOUR problem?
> 
> It isn't 'why don't you last longer'. It's 'why do you take so flippin long!'
> 
> She needs to address her problems herself. Has she taken it upon herself to take postgrad work on male sexual stimulation? No? So if she wants you to do more to excite her, why isn't she coming up with scenarios, positions, and techniques that she finds extra exciting instead of making you hack through the underbrush looking for the lost city of O?


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 

Thanks for making me laugh! Do not laugh too much nowadays and TAM has helped me laugh more than I have in many years. Thanks!

Good point, I think there is more to it than just age that is causing this. As I understand a woman needs to be in a certain mental state to orgasm......maybe she is having trouble getting there with me? I have posted our marital problems in other areas but maybe some of this is creeping into the bedroom.

I will "dig" a little deeper here.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Hitachi Magic wand.

Order.it.today.


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

Gunthar said:


> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> Thanks for making me laugh! Do not laugh too much nowadays and TAM has helped me laugh more than I have in many years. Thanks!
> 
> ...


Gunthar, you are worrying way too much about this subject. I agree with the above post, this is her responsibility not yours. You will rack your brain trying to figure this out and you won't, ever. Let her figure it out. Let her guide you. Let her tell you. If it happens, great, if not, why worry about it.


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## georgia girl (Oct 17, 2012)

As women get older it can become hard for them to have an orgasm. I know from experience. Last week my husband and I went to an adult store and the lady there told me about a pill for women. OMG!!!! I took the pill right then (takes about an hour to kick in). We also bought a rabbit, ben wa balls, a **** ring and deep throat spray. About 2 hours later not only did we have a GREAT night but I had multiple orgasms. ( double digits!!) My husband had the biggest smile on his face for the rest of the night and the next day.
We are going back for more pills as soon as he get home.


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

Ask your wife to do kegel exercise, it helped my DW. Champagne also help alot.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Ok - I feel for your wife because I have this problem too.

I can only O 1-2 times a week, no matter what. If I give myself those 1-2 O's, then it is completely hopeless for me to have them during sex. Its like my body has a quota and once its met, its just not going to cooperate further. It doesn't matter what we do, what toys we use (cause I have em all...including the much hyped Hitachi), how many drinks I have had. I lose sensation down there and it feels numb - maybe comparable to a man wearing 20 condoms? Everything still feels good. I still enjoy sex, but there's no way I am going to O. The only way for me to do it is to starve myself of O for at least 3-4 days. Sometimes more depending on where I am.in my cycle.

Maybe your wife is the same way. You mentioned you recently upped your sex life significantly...maybe its unrealistic for her to expect to O that many times.

We still have sex 3-4 times a week and I usually only O during one of those nights.

Yes, a lot has to do with where my head is at. Spending time to engage my mind and get me emotionally into him, and it will translate into the bedroom. Any perceived boredom or frustration on his part and yea, I can't get there if you paid me to.

If your efforts to spice things up just fall flat, maybe she should reset her expectations?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Work on your oral skills.... 

Then figure out where her G-Spot is. 

If she'll let you finger her, it's right up inside on the anterior side of the vagina a couple inches in behind and underneath the clitoris. Its essentially the bottom side of her Skene's gland, the gland that produces female ejaculate. Its feels like a wrinkly walnut when she is excited and the vagina is engorged. You have to feel around for it (gently!) but there is no mistaking it.

If you can do oral stimulation of her clitoris while manually flicking and gently rubbing the G-spot, her complaining about how sex is a chore will disappate quickly. She'll be too turned on to care.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

An hour? The Battle of Agincourt didn't take an hour.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Wait a minute Hitachi magic wand ya'lll actually use that Jack Hammer of a vibrator? It's used for back massages...........lol. 

OP!! Get a Wild G or high dollar rabbit and call it a day. I can't imagine working 1hr to get my wife to O that would be hard for anybody.

She should be taking this into her own hands either self pleasuring while you guys are having sex or buy a vibrator for use after you finish.

My wife needs hard direct clitoral contact that a tongue while feeling great just cannot provide. For her to have a O it requires fingers to be on her clitoris or a vibrator.

1HR is just ridiculous................best of luck.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Problem with vibrators is that once a woman gets acclimated to them there is no going back. She'll develope a groove in her brain that will only let her clitoris respond to that kind of intense stimulation.

No tongue, penis or finger can compete with 2,000 rpms.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

I wish my Mrs would take forever ( i know , i know watch what you wish for  ) but my wife often has her orgasm much , much sooner rather than i would prefer ........ it usually kills her horniness since she becomes " over sensitive " down there where its difficult for her to continue UGH !!! 

She still takes care of me in " other " ways which im very grateful for but hey sometimes one has got to see a blessing when it's staring him right in the face  !!!


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## AsTheStoryGoes (Oct 10, 2012)

I really need one of those Hitachi wands... (must ask for this from my husband for Christmas this year..haha).

It takes me a LONG ass time to orgasm when I'm on antidepressants. I have a "numbing" sensation down there as a result. It sucks.. is your wife on antidepressants or anxiety meds? You said she used to have no problems orgasming quickly.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

There is a technique I use where I rest my fist on my chin while doing oral. You can sustain a long time with that without a neck cramp.

Other than that, your dilemma reminds me of a funny Playboy cartoon I read years ago.

You see a skeleton going down on a live flesh woman spread eagle asking, "Did you cum yet?" and she's looking down annoyed at the question.

LOL.

(just trying to insert some humor into a common situation - I am lucky. . .about 15-25 minutes is norm for my gf and I)

Anyway, from what I hear, the vibrator is a really good tool that many husbands (and wives) appreciate once they get over the "hump" (pun intended) of using a toy in the bedroom.

I guess what I learned too, after 44 years on this earth, is really can speed things up if you "Mind-f" them. These techniques pointers are only about 2-5% of the equation IMHO. 50% of what goes on is between her ears. I always thought SimplyAmorous' advice of deciding if your partner is sensual or erotic helps with stimulating him/her.


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## williamjones (Oct 12, 2012)

i know sometimes fast is good, but is it really so terrible to go down on your wife for an hour 
enjoy the fact that she has orgasms!


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

williamjones said:


> i know sometimes fast is good, but is it really so terrible to go down on your wife for an hour
> enjoy the fact that she has orgasms!


Absolutely! And as an encore, have her blow you to the point of orgasm, back off and then start all over again FOR A WHOLE HOUR! That doesn't appeal to the female posters? Why is it different for a man?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Relic (Sep 20, 2012)

Ugh. An hour? Too long! Even the woman's mind is going to wander off to mortgage payments, shopping lists, and kids' homework projects during the hour. If a woman takes an hour to arrive, then she would definitely appreciate the vibrator as much as or more than the man.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

bandit.45 said:


> Problem with vibrators is that once a woman gets acclimated to them there is no going back. She'll develope a groove in her brain that will only let her clitoris respond to that kind of intense stimulation.
> 
> No tongue, penis or finger can compete with 2,000 rpms.


this can be the case for sure!

not so sure its a bad thing.Licking pu$$y for an hour and rubbing her gspot until your hand cramps evey time get old also.


I have a power tool to drive screws ,mow the lawn,cut wood,might as well make giving my wife an orgasm easier also!


I also think if they don't use it for a while they can retrain themselve to not need it to orgasm.


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## Relic (Sep 20, 2012)

This idea that a vibrator is going to ruin women for orgasms from their man seems like an old-fashioned theory that was probably started by...men.

Did the ten years if vigourous manual masterbation you did before you finally got laid ruin your penis for vaginal stimulation?

I figure if a man or woman takes three or four days without touching themselves, they'll both be more than ready for orgasm without toys. But no one is going to give you a prize for achieving orgasm without the vibrator.

Vibrators are great. Get one and find out. Toss it if you don't like it. Knowledge is power.


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## LastUnicorn (Jul 10, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Problem with vibrators is that once a woman gets acclimated to them there is no going back. She'll develope a groove in her brain that will only let her clitoris respond to that kind of intense stimulation.
> 
> No tongue, penis or finger can compete with 2,000 rpms.


whaa? No. Maybe some women will claim that, because they prefer it but not true.

Op sex shouldn't be a chore, her own trouble with orgasming may in turn be causing the problem. She feels its taking too long, causes anxiety, which makes it take even longer. 

Try this: you are no longer responsible for her orgasms. You are, however, going to take a devilishly proactive approach to her arousal. Start peppering the week with sexy things. Random long kisses, mini massages in fun areas, goose bump producing neck sucking, long slow touches or even light scratching. Whatever you do, do it slow and let this all build up until she jumps you. When she does, YOU lay back and enjoy. Have her do all the work. Encourage everything she does. If she just lays there expecting you to go down on her, ignore that & start masterbating. Maybe she'll join you, that's the goal. For her fingers to do the dancing. 

Take ALL pressure or expectation off her getting off. Not your job right now til she can figure out how to please herself. Because if she can't do it, nobody else can either.


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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

Naturally over time our bodies change and so are the things that help us reach that point. I made a discovery four years later that helped me. I wont go into detail but I'll say a little pressure from the heel of her foot does amazing things now . Now for me I went thru something similar with my wife after we reconciled. I was the King of oral but then again she was my first and my teacher. Let's just say I mastered that lesson. When I got back with her after the separation and I tried, I damn near felt like my tongue was going to break because it took forever! Before I could make this happen in five minutes max, sometimes twice in five minutes. I was pissed because as a man first thing I think is who the hell were you dealing with before that did it following by did they desensitize your area? She did climax but my mouth was done lol. I remember asking what took so long (like wtf....). She said I need to put more pressure on it... I was really angry then because I never applied much pressure, I had my technique perfected. After the next few times, it was like riding a bike. I took what she told me and its right back down to quickies. So sometimes you just have switch it up how youre use to doing it, or add something new to your arsenal. Im still mad she wont let me do it beyond two, she said one of the guys she was with during the separation made it happen five times in one session! Every time I shoot for the third she claims if she has another her C* might burst lol.


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## Ayla (Aug 24, 2011)

I used vibrators and other sex toys for years and I can orgasm just fine without any toys. The way I am able to have orgasms has changed over the years too so maybe age does have something to do with it?

What does she think is going to help? It's her puss she should have a clue about what makes it orgasm. If she knows she isn't physically responding then why lie there? The toy is a good idea but she needs to speak up.


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## Gunthar (Sep 2, 2012)

Ayla said:


> I used vibrators and other sex toys for years and I can orgasm just fine without any toys. The way I am able to have orgasms has changed over the years too so maybe age does have something to do with it?
> 
> What does she think is going to help? It's her puss she should have a clue about what makes it orgasm. If she knows she isn't physically responding then why lie there? The toy is a good idea but she needs to speak up.


Her "puss" says I need to be more into it. The way she talks she would like it like when we first got together.....cannot take our hands off each other.....completely into the moment.....entirely engrossed into each other....while all well and good I find this high energy level of the past is not as high after 8+ years of marriage....middle-aged......6 kids, 50-60 hour work weeks.....tired more days out of the week than not as running on 4-5 hours sleep, etc. I would also argue the "fog" and dopamine rush found in the early part of the relationship is gone (especially after 6 kids) so having that exact feeling back seems challenging.

One other curious fact: She seems to be more interested in "raw" sex now. That is for me to just [email protected] her brains out vs. something more loving or passionate. No complaining here..............but she feels we have gotten into a rut and sex is not that much fun anymore. Do not know if that helps folks understand my situation or not. So sprucing up the love live will definitely go a ways in helping this.

Here's a question for the ladies: To my knowledge my wife never masturbates or has used toys. If true how rare is that? She seems a bit repulsed in touching herself (at least in front of me). For this reason while I am open to toys and have brought it up to her, she seems unsure. Is there something going on in her psyche I need to be aware of? 

Any good links on improving one's sexual techniques?

Thanks for all the advice. Greatly appreciate it!


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## Ayla (Aug 24, 2011)

Her desire for the euphoria that occurs during the early phase of a relationship is very unrealistic. The toy should help but there is only so much you can do with the human body toys or no. You can rotate things for variety but it's all the same after a while. I advised dh to think of sex as a bodily function. Not very different from eating or excreting(I know how romantic). I love the intimacy but I think people get too caught up in the stars...moon have to be in alingment and they have to have these romantic feelings to be turned on. 

I'm rambling but I think the vibrator will help her with the mechanical aspects of orgasming but the excitement of something new is going to wear off. She needs to change her way of thinking about the purpose of sex.


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