# Big mess need advice



## ddhammo (Dec 2, 2014)

i wasn't a great husband for 5 yrs now my wife is trying to get me to do don't ask or don't tell she wants to date but I can't since I avoided her and she thinks I cheated. Which I never have. By t I know she has a boyfriend and I have proof but she is planning with me on stuff we do still have sex. She says if I can act right we can get back. To me that's an open marriage on her side but I can't so my question is why is she worried bout me when she is got a boyfriend and I saw she says she loves him but continues to say she will not replace me. Why would she care? I admit I was wrong but want to fix things but now a boyfriend of maybe four weeks? This very unlike her. She also had lap and and I think likes attention I wasn't giving her? She claims to be going to her dads but I believe there going to be together. What should I do if I confront her I'm sure she'll end it!!! So stressful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Sounds like it should be ended, dontcha think?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Unless you like cleaning up after other men then end it hard! Your wife is disgusting. Don't you think?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Nothing to save here, do you not think?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Why would you want to be married to a woman that has a boyfriend? I would be packing her bags and putting them on the curb for her.If you want to stay with a cheater then do nothing, but make sure you wear a condom when you have se*, if you do not want be with a cheater than you need to confront her.

There seems to be more to the story, for her to just think you cheated, what gave her the idea that you did cheated ? what do mean by avoiding her?

How long have you been married? how old are you both? Do you have children?


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## ddhammo (Dec 2, 2014)

I was on business I slept on couch and didn't engage in sex much. I'm 48 she's 41 to me it's the attention I didn't give but if that's the case tell go our separate ways. Married going on 6 yrs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

There's no excuse for her having an affair, but it sounds like she had some decent reasons for ending the marriage. So stick a fork in it, take your dignity, and move on. 

Perhaps she was "sure" you were cheating, and that's why she decided to find a boyfriend? Why did she think you were cheating? Why were you sleeping in the couch? Why didn't you want to have sex with her? 

C


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

ddhammo said:


> I was on business I slept on couch and didn't engage in sex much. I'm 48 she's 41 to me it's the attention I didn't give but if that's the case tell go our separate ways. Married going on 6 yrs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Go see a lawyer

Get an STD test asap

Then have her served.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

ddhammo said:


> I was on business I slept on couch and didn't engage in sex much. I'm 48 she's 41 to me it's the attention I didn't give but if that's the case tell go our separate ways. Married going on 6 yrs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you saying you were emotionally unavailable to your wife and now you don't understand why she has sought out a relationship with another man?


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## ddhammo (Dec 2, 2014)

I do understand but she is doing a do not ask do not tell for her but I can't! She says she isn't divorcing me or trying to replace me that basically doing what I did to her. So why is she not wanting me to date or talk to girls but trying to keep me? She claims to be going to her dads but I know she is going to her bf place. She says she loves him after three weeks. Not to me what I found. She agreed if I can relax we can get back to normal so messed up. Help
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Divorce her and try to be a real partner the next time you find someone to be with.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Or, if you want to stay married, tell her to choose immediately between you and him.


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## ddhammo (Dec 2, 2014)

She says for what I did I have to wait for her lol I'm not even suppose to know about other guy!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So she gets to have a boyfriend and tells you that "if you act right" you guys can get back together?

Please tell me you see the forest through the trees on this.

She has one standard for you and another for her.

Tell her you will consider reconciling if she ditches the boyfriend, after all, that is "acting right." 

Sheesh. Can't work on a marriage if she has a boyfriend. Duh.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ddhammo said:


> She says *for what I did *I have to wait for her lol I'm not even suppose to know about other guy!


And what did you do?


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## ddhammo (Dec 2, 2014)

Wasn't there for her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

ddhammo said:


> I do understand but she is doing a do not ask do not tell for her but I can't! She says she isn't divorcing me or trying to replace me that basically doing what I did to her. So why is she not wanting me to date or talk to girls but trying to keep me? She claims to be going to her dads but I know she is going to her bf place. She says she loves him after three weeks. Not to me what I found. She agreed if I can relax we can get back to normal so messed up. Help
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is she really seeing someone or is she trying to get your attention?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

It seems there is a lot more to this story, than what is being told.

You seem to care more that you can't see someone else, instead of being pissed off she has a boyfriend and you know she is going to his house. Throw her clothes in a trash bag next time she goes to his place knock on the door and hand her crap to him.

:scratchhead:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Step #1 - Retrieve testicles from wife's purse

Step #2 - Divorce wife


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

She wants a BF but you cannot have a GF? You make it sound as though you want one, do you? If so, why did you guys marry? If you want one and she has one then what are you asking? Shouldn't you be allowed to have one too?

If you don't want a GF then have you confronted your wife and told her that you care deeply for her and want to stay together and that you want to save the marriage if at all possible? If not, why not? Tell her that she is more than welcome to have her BF if that's what she really wants but that will be the end of the marriage. If you move on learn from this and pay attention to your new SO. Good luck.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

? She has a boyfriend, but also has sex with you? 

That slightly odd taste you get when you're eating her out, that's not just her juice.... You realise that, right?


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