# Reconciling with ex-wife, after divorce and affair



## SunnySkies

Hi - Like so many others I’m also looking for some advise… 

During the summer of 2014 my ex-wife said “ I love you but not in love “ 
( I’d wish I knew what those words actually meant at the time) 
We were married for 16 years at the time, and have two kids. 

The affair continued on and off until we I moved out in 2016 which according to her become an actual relationship
after - since we were not living together. Ha! 
( Amazing how someone can rationalize things)

Divorced was finalized sometime in 2017. From 2014 to 2017 she must have flip-flopped back and forth on staying in the marriage or leaving at least a dozen times. Towards the end I just wanted out as well, but was stilling willing to try and save the marriage for the kids sake. She did feel the same and believe her new life would be better. 

Somehow we continued to acknowledge that we both loved each, but too much damaged was done to fix things. She admitted (I had my suspicions and knew of the EM but not the affair) the EM & Affair during a short reconcile attempt in the winter of 2017 which failed. 

I believe she was with OM on and off for all of 2017 and 2018, and she ended her relationship sometime during early 2019. As she had reached out a few times to gauge if I was willing to reconcile during this time period. 

From 2017 to 2019 I was also in two relationship, trying my best to move on and accept the new state or reality. I was having an extremely difficult time trying to accept being a divorced dad and only seeing my kids part time. 
Shortly after my 2nd relationship ended, ex-wife started reaching out for non-kids related things. I soon discovered she was trying to see if I was willing give her another chance. 

Fast forward today, we have been trying to reconcile. Our agreed upon approach is to take things slowing rebuilding our trust, emotion intimacy, friendship, etc. Instead of the kids coming to my house, I’ve been going to the family house, spending 2 days and night there. I’m able to see my kids whenever I want and we no longer follow the custody agreement. The family aspect in all this has improved tremendously and every is much happier, including the kids. 

The relationship on the surface seems ok. Constant and plenty of acknowledging how much we love each other. But we are unable to follow through with actions, she recently admitted to me she’s not properly engaged in the relationship and to some degree she’s getting her emotional needs met by the kids and dog. It’s becoming apparent I’m the only one trying to move the relationship forward. Her lack of passion, and even psychical connection are become more frequent and concerning. She keeps saying she wants things to natural occur vs us actually working on the relationship. Her remorse and guilt seems to be off the charts and she's unable to talk about the past as she goes dark. 

Bottom line, she says all the right things, more passion, more intimacy, more relationship building, but when it comes time to action she unable to follow through. 
I’m tried of only being the on to always trying to save the relationship. Her lack of effort is definitely moving us in the wrong direction. I’m starting to have regrets myself. 

The change in attitude happened when I was furloughed and lost my job. Not sure if its a coincidence or something bigger at play?


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## TJW

SunnySkies said:


> The change in attitude happened when I was furloughed and lost my job. Not sure if its a coincidence or something bigger at play?


I'm not sure about "bigger". And, I'm probably the wrong person to answer this, but to me, it seems your wife wanted to get back with you because you offered her financial advantage that she didn't get from other men. When you lost your job, she was no longer enthusiastic about the reconciliation. She is opportunistic and wants a ride.

This person has committed adultery on you several times, she is not the damned least bit "guilty" about it, she continues to rationalize and self-justify. She has no remorse at all. "Unable" to talk about the past is a crock. If you fall for this, you're surely going to regret it even more than you do now. She will cheat again. Guaranteed.

Just my .02


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## Andy1001

Look up plan B.
Look in the mirror and you’ll see a live version of the answer. 
You are so blinded by your love for her that you are letting her walk over you again. She’s reeellly sorry about cheating but not sorry enough to actually do any of the hard lifting involved in the reconciliation process.
Now that you’ve lost your job you’re not going to be able to contribute as much financially, and face it buddy, this is the only reason she wanted you back.


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## Lostinthought61

You got screwed once both by her cheating and the divorce (the cost she put you through) why the hell would you put yourself through that again


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## Openminded

You had a financial value to her. It’s now dropped.


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## BruceBanner

SunnySkies said:


> During the summer of 2014 my ex-wife said “ I love you but not in love “


What a generic response. It's amazing how typical people are.



SunnySkies said:


> I believe she was with OM on and off for all of 2017 and 2018, and she ended her relationship sometime during early 2019. As she had reached out a few times to gauge if I was willing to reconcile during this time period.


Sounds like he had his fun and got rid of her. Or who knows maybe he lost his job. 



SunnySkies said:


> Her remorse and guilt seems to be off the charts and she's unable to talk about the past as she goes dark.


I don't think she's guilty at all. I bet she hasn't even apologized for her past actions.



SunnySkies said:


> Bottom line, she says all the right things, more passion, more intimacy, more relationship building, but when it comes time to action she unable to follow through.


Actions will always speak louder than words. Your wife is either afraid of being alone or looking for a paypig.



SunnySkies said:


> The change in attitude happened when I was furloughed and lost my job. Not sure if its a coincidence or something bigger at play?


Come on man it should be obvious what you need to do. She was a lost cause years ago and she's a lost cause now. Let me ask you something who does most of the cleaning or chores around the house? You or her?


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## Tdbo

You are now her best option.
This will probably last until someone else that rings her bells comes along.
Unless she is really willing to do the heavy lifting to fix herself (IC and the whole twelve yards,) don't invest much in her.
If this arrangement allows you to spend more time with your kids, fine.
Whatever you do, don't marry her or get her pregnant again.


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## jlg07

Has she gone to counseling to figure out WHY she cheated on you to begin with? Has she done the work to make sure that won't happen again? Her not wanting to talk about her cheating is just her rug sweeping. You see her as remorseful, but I think she is just looking for a "comfortable" place to land for a while.


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## SunnySkies

@TJW, @Openminded - Thanks for your input guys. But it's not a financial issue as she makes more than I do and has been for the last 10 years.

@Andy1001, @Lostinthought61 - I'm hoping plan B is getting the family back and restoring the failed marriage. At the very least try one more time without external sources blocking our efforts. No excuse for affair, no matter how unhappy you are in a marriage, but I also know I've had it a lot better then her the last three years. I owe it to my kids to at least try one more time. 

@BruceBanner - They were co-workers, both married and they both got divorced over the affair. Ex claims she broke up with him but who really knows? Yes, she has apologized many times over the course of the last 4 years and has been seeing a therapist. Yes, she's definitely afraid of being alone. It's not a payday things, she makes really good money. 
We don't leave together, but when we did she did it all, and I sat on my ass drinking beers, and watching TV. No excuse for affair but both partners are responsible for the demise of a marriage. Actions do speak louder than words, and she must choose to engage properly or this short lived reconcile will end. 

@Tdbo - Yes, I get to see my kids all the time, whenever I want. But she has to engage in the heavy lifting of doing the work to repair the relationship. How much time do I give her? 

@jlg07 - Yes, she's been going to therapy for years now. She has some issues, and she is still addressing them. We have not gone to therapy together!! 

I think our issue now is compatible, and how much we have changed over the last 3-4 years and are we trying to force the relationship for the kids sake or will we be able to repair and start new? 

Yes!! She cheated, yes she has every text booked excuse on why and how it happened! All ******** I know that. But enough time has pasted that I'm no longer angry. But, if I'm wasting my time trying to put the family together after everything that has happened and she's unable to engage, commit, and do the work necessary. 

How much time is enough?


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## Casual Observer

SunnySkies said:


> Yes!! She cheated, yes she has every text booked excuse on why and how it happened! All ******** I know that. But enough time has pasted that I'm no longer angry. But, if I'm wasting my time trying to put the family together after everything that has happened and she's unable to engage, commit, and do the work necessary.
> 
> How much time is enough?


The big question, to me, is what has actually changed so she'd not feel like cheating again? She wants to get back but she's not emotionally invested. There's some need of hers that marriage to you isn't meeting. What is that need? Has it been there from the beginning, something that's a part of her that would be tough to change? Change requires both an investment in time and daily work, not something you dabble in for a while and get bored of. Is she able to self-motivate for the change she needs (if she desires to stay with you) or does she have to be pushed? Pushing breeds resentment. Trust me, I know this.

I also worry that this is more about the side-benefits (access to your kids, and perhaps occasional sex) than wanting to spend the rest of your life with _this_ woman. 

And then there's the counseling. One needs to realize that the MC may be there to try and build and strengthen a long term relationship, but the individual counselors are looking out for the individual. Her IC may in fact be suggesting that reconciliation doesn't make sense. Is your ex honest enough to let you know that's the case, what you're up against?

And finally, she is your "ex" for a good reason. That's actually an accomplishment, something many never get to, or take too long to get to. Is it a good idea to risk everything all over again?


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## Tdbo

Sunny Skies: I'm not sure if you are familiar or not with this book, but you should use it as your template:









How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair


As an infidelity specialist for 23 years, therapist Linda J. MacDonald has identified behaviors and attitudes that determine unfaithful p...



www.goodreads.com





You read it and make sure she has a copy of it. If she is serious, this should be her bible to learn and live.
She should be showing you full transparency, demonstrating true remorse and progress, and working hard with every breath to repair the damage she did to you and your kids.
From a time frame perspective, that's entirely up to you. I'd say to let that play out, as long as she is showing full transparency and doing the right things.
My advice is to say to her that the best that you are willing to offer at this time is cohabitation. If she truly wants to remarry, she should realize that you being at the table is a huge gift to her and an opportunity to redeem herself.
If at some time you truly want to remarry her, I would tell her that the only way you would even reconsider it is a generous prenup that is favorable to you. In other words, if she wants to be with you, she needs to put her money where her mouth is.
If you both are serious, I'd say that you have 3-5 years of hard work ahead of you. Best of luck.


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## ConanHub

Get in shape, improve yourself and move on. She is about as attractive as a dirty toilet seat and less trustworthy.

You don't have objectivity and can't apparently see her for the underwear stain she is.

Get your head straight and you will be able to recognize a good woman. Your ex isn't in that category.


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## Openminded

She’s the only one who knows what’s going on. But if she’s not doing everything you need to heal then it’s not going to work. Even if she’s doing everything you need, it’s still a tough road. Three to five years is the usual time to recover. Some people never recover no matter how much work and effort goes into it. There are no guarantees that what’s been broken can be rebuilt.


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## aine

SunnySkies said:


> @TJW, @Openminded - Thanks for your input guys. But it's not a financial issue as she makes more than I do and has been for the last 10 years.
> 
> @Andy1001, @Lostinthought61 - I'm hoping plan B is getting the family back and restoring the failed marriage. At the very least try one more time without external sources blocking our efforts. No excuse for affair, no matter how unhappy you are in a marriage, but I also know I've had it a lot better then her the last three years. I owe it to my kids to at least try one more time.
> 
> @BruceBanner - They were co-workers, both married and they both got divorced over the affair. Ex claims she broke up with him but who really knows? Yes, she has apologized many times over the course of the last 4 years and has been seeing a therapist. Yes, she's definitely afraid of being alone. It's not a payday things, she makes really good money.
> We don't leave together, but when we did she did it all, and I sat on my ass drinking beers, and watching TV. No excuse for affair but both partners are responsible for the demise of a marriage. Actions do speak louder than words, and she must choose to engage properly or this short lived reconcile will end.
> 
> @Tdbo - Yes, I get to see my kids all the time, whenever I want. But she has to engage in the heavy lifting of doing the work to repair the relationship. How much time do I give her?
> 
> @jlg07 - Yes, she's been going to therapy for years now. She has some issues, and she is still addressing them. We have not gone to therapy together!!
> 
> I think our issue now is compatible, and how much we have changed over the last 3-4 years and are we trying to force the relationship for the kids sake or will we be able to repair and start new?
> 
> Yes!! She cheated, yes she has every text booked excuse on why and how it happened! All ******** I know that. But enough time has pasted that I'm no longer angry. But, if I'm wasting my time trying to put the family together after everything that has happened and she's unable to engage, commit, and do the work necessary.
> 
> How much time is enough?



Yes it is all on her for sure to do the heavy lifting. However, this still does not address the man you were before this all happened. Your own words ' she did it all, and I sat on my ass drinking beers and watching TV." Has this changed?
Sure she is responsible, but if you are still that man sitting on your ass drinking beers telling her she needs to do all the heavy lifting, then how different is your marriage going to be? It is going to go in exactly the same direction and your wife sees this and probably thinks she made a mistake.

What have you done to improve yourself and be more engaged with her and family life? Or are you so caught up in the fact she blew up the marriage, it's all on her and nothing to do with you? From what you write it sounds to me like you are there again, it's all on her.
I wouldn't want to be with a man who sits on his ass, drinks beer and watches TV while I slave at work and at home. How are you engaging, how are you committing, how are you doing the necessary work? Her infidelity is not a get out of jail free card for you, you know.


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## Numb26

You are her safety net, plan B, etc. Her A didn't work out the way she wanted and she was left with nothing so what does she do? She tries to latch on to you again but it is obvious that her heart isn't in it.

You know what you need to do, so do it. Do it for your kids because they will absolutely notice. But more importantly, do it for yourself. Hit the gym, get a hobby, hit the books. When you start putting some quality time into YOURSELF, you will start to understand your own worth and will want to move on.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

She does not appear to be R material. Any woman who was remorseful and truly desiring R would do what was necessary to build you up as well as your marriage. Proceed with caution. You know in your gut there is something not totally right in your relationship or you would not be posting here. Trust your gut.


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## BluesPower

Listen, you need to think about this... 

Your wife was cheating on you, I know you don't believe the story she gave you because nobody is really that stupid. 

If you just want to hang out and be with the kids, bang her when you want to until she finds someone new, well who are we to judge you. 

We really don't know how much or how little self respect you actually have, and it may not matter to you. 

Here is the deal, you are plan B or C or who really knows, you surly don't. But if that is not something that matters to you, well go ahead. 

Make no mistake, when she thinks you are quietly and desperately in the fold, she will cheat again and again, and again. 

For me, I am not sure how you do that to yourself, or allow it in your life, maybe her money makes it worth is for you but it would not be ok for me. 

I think you need to play this loose if at all, and not make any long term plans.


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## sokillme

It's one thing to get abused by someone who you thought loved you but to willfully give them the chance to do it again?

Good luck dude. You are gonna need all of it you can get.

You are like those women whose husband's repeatedly beat them up but they take them back and say how they don't mean it. Seriously man get some help.


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## sokillme

SunnySkies said:


> Yes!! She cheated, yes she has every text booked excuse on why and how it happened! All ******** I know that. But enough time has pasted that I'm no longer angry. But, if I'm wasting my time trying to put the family together after everything that has happened and she's unable to engage, commit, and do the work necessary.
> 
> How much time is enough?


Until you let her back?

Exactly one day after you die.

Until you give up?

Times up.


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## Mr.Married

She told you she wasn’t in love with you
She cheated on you
You crawled back
She can’t bring herself to touch you sexually.

Dude.... it’s time to see the light.


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## SunnySkies

@Mr.Married @sokillme @BluesPower @No Longer Lonely Husband @Numb26 @Openminded @ConanHub @Tdbo 

About a month since I shared my story, and while some of the responses were harsh to hear they were 100% correct!! The attempted reconciliation failed as predicted! 

I hope my experience can help others. I just finished reading @Thumos post over at CWF forum and helped me a great deal with all the comments regarding kid's welfare, divorced dad, and all the pros and cons shared about kids and divorce. I wish I had found this site back in 2014, definitely would have been a great resource back then with the infidelity part. 

From the first post, everyone jumped on the affair bandwagon but for me, enough time had passed that it wasn’t the main issue in the relationship, it was one of many issues that needed to be addressed and I truly thought this time around we would be able to work things out. 

Turns out the affair changed her for worse, and she wasn’t able to discuss it without getting angry and blaming things that happened 10-15 years ago in the marriage on why and how it lead her to fall out of love and having an affair. She has always expressed extreme guilt but in hindsight never true remorse. She developed this righteous liberal mindset, I can do it all on my own, and I don't need anyone or even any man in my life.

This third and finally reconciliation started last September and from the beginning, there were signs she wasn’t able to fully and properly engage in rebuilding the relationship. I ignored them because I only wanted the family unit back, and to be able to see my kids every day again. I believed in time, we would overcome our issues and rebuild. 

For the past 10 months with a few exceptions, (a few couples weekend gateways, and family vacation) I’ve been the one championing the relationship, and her excuse was always, kids, dog, work, and life getting in the way, of putting aside time for the relationship and properly try to rebuild. She talked the talk but failed with action. 

About a month ago when I first posted, we had reached a crossroads as neither of us was meeting each other's needs, and it was more anxiety and tension when being together vs any positive feelings or relationship building. 

I knew it wasn’t going to work but allowed this to continue as I was only focused on reuniting the family unit, and NOT have to be a divorced dad seeing my kids a couple of times a week vs every day. 

About two weeks ago, she said “ I don’t see us living together again in the near future “ and a week later she said “ We have grown apart and I don’t think we can fix things “ 

I wasn’t surprised, and with no emotions or reactions, I went and said goodnight to my kids and walked out of the house. We are back to no contact rule expect for kids related issues. Everyone predicted this would happen, and I had the blinders on!! 

Was it worth it to put myself through this again? I’m not sure yet!? I rationalize it as I needed to try one last time for my kids, and myself so one day I can tell my kids, I did my very best to keep the family together! I forgive your mom, and she just kept on ****ing up. I think I also needed this failed attempt to finally close the door on my old life, and start fresh. 

To finish up, everyone pegged my ex for who exactly is she, a cheater, and certainly not R material. It took me a long time, very long time to see it but I finally do! Only looking forward now, never back again. I know my kids will be ok!


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## BluesPower

SunnySkies said:


> @Mr.Married @sokillme @BluesPower @No Longer Lonely Husband @Numb26 @Openminded @ConanHub @Tdbo
> 
> About a month since I shared my story, and while some of the responses were harsh to hear they were 100% correct!! The attempted reconciliation failed as predicted!
> 
> I hope my experience can help others. I just finished reading @Thumos post over at CWF forum and helped me a great deal with all the comments regarding kid's welfare, divorced dad, and all the pros and cons shared about kids and divorce. I wish I had found this site back in 2014, definitely would have been a great resource back then with the infidelity part.
> 
> From the first post, everyone jumped on the affair bandwagon but for me, enough time had passed that it wasn’t the main issue in the relationship, it was one of many issues that needed to be addressed and I truly thought this time around we would be able to work things out.
> 
> Turns out the affair changed her for worse, and she wasn’t able to discuss it without getting angry and blaming things that happened 10-15 years ago in the marriage on why and how it lead her to fall out of love and having an affair. She has always expressed extreme guilt but in hindsight never true remorse. She developed this righteous liberal mindset, I can do it all on my own, and I don't need anyone or even any man in my life.
> 
> This third and finally reconciliation started last September and from the beginning, there were signs she wasn’t able to fully and properly engage in rebuilding the relationship. I ignored them because I only wanted the family unit back, and to be able to see my kids every day again. I believed in time, we would overcome our issues and rebuild.
> 
> For the past 10 months with a few exceptions, (a few couples weekend gateways, and family vacation) I’ve been the one championing the relationship, and her excuse was always, kids, dog, work, and life getting in the way, of putting aside time for the relationship and properly try to rebuild. She talked the talk but failed with action.
> 
> About a month ago when I first posted, we had reached a crossroads as neither of us was meeting each other's needs, and it was more anxiety and tension when being together vs any positive feelings or relationship building.
> 
> I knew it wasn’t going to work but allowed this to continue as I was only focused on reuniting the family unit, and NOT have to be a divorced dad seeing my kids a couple of times a week vs every day.
> 
> About two weeks ago, she said “ I don’t see us living together again in the near future “ and a week later she said “ We have grown apart and I don’t think we can fix things “
> 
> I wasn’t surprised, and with no emotions or reactions, I went and said goodnight to my kids and walked out of the house. We are back to no contact rule expect for kids related issues. Everyone predicted this would happen, and I had the blinders on!!
> 
> Was it worth it to put myself through this again? I’m not sure yet!? I rationalize it as I needed to try one last time for my kids, and myself so one day I can tell my kids, I did my very best to keep the family together! I forgive your mom, and she just kept on ****ing up. I think I also needed this failed attempt to finally close the door on my old life, and start fresh.
> 
> To finish up, everyone pegged my ex for who exactly is she, a cheater, and certainly not R material. It took me a long time, very long time to see it but I finally do! Only looking forward now, never back again. I know my kids will be ok!


You know brother, I hope that someone can read your story and learn from it. I hope against hope that you are not hurting worse this last time. 

I don't know why people try to, and succeed, live in some type of ultimate denial. 

We really do try and get people to see the truth, I don't know how successful we are. I wish I could help people and shake them and maybe they would not have to go through the type of pain that I have.

I don't know, maybe it is a fools errand. 

I want you to realize this. You want a relationship, when you are ready, where the woman is crazy about you. Hopefully you will be crazy about her. 

I actually cry now, which is hard to admit, when I think about how much my Fiancé loves me. Of all of that woman the I have been with, this one, at this late stage of life, loves me. She loves me so much I worry that I am not good enough, but I put those thoughts out of my head. 

I hope that you move on from this horror and live a happy life...


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## Taxman

She sounds emotionally stunted and incapable of decision. Had someone similar, who was also masterful at screwing up. The back and forth ended her marriage for good. Then, the unthinkable happened ( from her perspective) BH, my client, had started using an introduction service. He stops talking to his ex. She tries to contact and is rebuffed. This goes on for eight months. Suddenly, he announces his engagement. His ex has the nerve to say that she thought they were working their way back. He says that he got tired of hot and cold. She says that’s the way I am, YOU should know that. He says that and some of your other personality traits have gotten you to where you are. Sorry, I stopped working on us long ago, cause I had no evidence you were working with me. She is now back to dating.


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## sokillme

SunnySkies said:


> @Mr.Married @sokillme @BluesPower @No Longer Lonely Husband @Numb26 @Openminded @ConanHub @Tdbo
> 
> About a month since I shared my story, and while some of the responses were harsh to hear they were 100% correct!! The attempted reconciliation failed as predicted!
> 
> I hope my experience can help others. I just finished reading @Thumos post over at CWF forum and helped me a great deal with all the comments regarding kid's welfare, divorced dad, and all the pros and cons shared about kids and divorce. I wish I had found this site back in 2014, definitely would have been a great resource back then with the infidelity part.
> 
> From the first post, everyone jumped on the affair bandwagon but for me, enough time had passed that it wasn’t the main issue in the relationship, it was one of many issues that needed to be addressed and I truly thought this time around we would be able to work things out.
> 
> Turns out the affair changed her for worse, and she wasn’t able to discuss it without getting angry and blaming things that happened 10-15 years ago in the marriage on why and how it lead her to fall out of love and having an affair. She has always expressed extreme guilt but in hindsight never true remorse. She developed this righteous liberal mindset, I can do it all on my own, and I don't need anyone or even any man in my life.
> 
> This third and finally reconciliation started last September and from the beginning, there were signs she wasn’t able to fully and properly engage in rebuilding the relationship. I ignored them because I only wanted the family unit back, and to be able to see my kids every day again. I believed in time, we would overcome our issues and rebuild.
> 
> For the past 10 months with a few exceptions, (a few couples weekend gateways, and family vacation) I’ve been the one championing the relationship, and her excuse was always, kids, dog, work, and life getting in the way, of putting aside time for the relationship and properly try to rebuild. She talked the talk but failed with action.
> 
> About a month ago when I first posted, we had reached a crossroads as neither of us was meeting each other's needs, and it was more anxiety and tension when being together vs any positive feelings or relationship building.
> 
> I knew it wasn’t going to work but allowed this to continue as I was only focused on reuniting the family unit, and NOT have to be a divorced dad seeing my kids a couple of times a week vs every day.
> 
> About two weeks ago, she said “ I don’t see us living together again in the near future “ and a week later she said “ We have grown apart and I don’t think we can fix things “
> 
> I wasn’t surprised, and with no emotions or reactions, I went and said goodnight to my kids and walked out of the house. We are back to no contact rule expect for kids related issues. Everyone predicted this would happen, and I had the blinders on!!
> 
> Was it worth it to put myself through this again? I’m not sure yet!? I rationalize it as I needed to try one last time for my kids, and myself so one day I can tell my kids, I did my very best to keep the family together! I forgive your mom, and she just kept on ****ing up. I think I also needed this failed attempt to finally close the door on my old life, and start fresh.
> 
> To finish up, everyone pegged my ex for who exactly is she, a cheater, and certainly not R material. It took me a long time, very long time to see it but I finally do! Only looking forward now, never back again. I know my kids will be ok!



Well I am sorry it didn't work out for you. It's a hard thing to learn, it's the proverbial Red Pill moment (no not the stupid philosophy, The Matrix) just the good "First" movie. If I were you I would maybe get some IC just to make sure your picker is right. Also to make sure you are not codependent or one of these "nice" guys. I say that not to give you a hard time but so that you don't end up with the same type of selfish women.

It's good when you start to see this stuff up front, it just heads off a lot of problems.

Again I am sorry it didn't work, but as you know you can't make people change. You gave it your best shot, at least that should put you at ease.


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## Lostinthought61

Weel SunnySkies, you gave it the old college try, in the future if your kids ask what happen you can tell them the entire story adn know you tried for them but their mom never changed her tune....now get back on those dating apps


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

I am sorry it had to end, but fear not. You can and will recover and move on to live a happy life and find a nice woman. What you experienced was easy to predict from your posts as many of us have been in Your shoes.

I have been fortunate as my FWW did everyt humanly possible to show to me she was worthy of R. I know what true remorse looks like and I am able to “see” in many posts on here where the BS is being played.Do not feel bad about your attempt to R. Had you not, very likely you would have gone through life second guessing yourself. Now you know she was not deserving of R.

My advice is simple. Look forward, not in the rear view mirror. The past is the past and there is nothing you can do to change it. Focus now on yourself. Be the best dad you can be, the best friend you can be, best person you can be, and take your time before jumping into another relationship. There are good women out there.

Best to you as your move forward


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## Openminded

I’m sorry but I’m not surprised.

The reason I don‘t support trying to reconcile after divorce when there are children involved? It gives them too much hope that their family can be together again (which is what they always want even if they don’t say it) and then when it doesn’t work they have to go through all of that a second time. Maybe it works occasionally for some but I have known of too many cases when it didn’t. The losers? The children.

This time truly do move on and don’t look back. And don’t ever be tempted at some point to think third time‘s a charm because it isn’t. The two of you just don’t work. Find someone good.


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## Dadto2

You will get sick of people telling you this, but it bears repeating...you WILL recover and be better for this. There are plenty of good women out there (at least that's what people tell me....lol). Work on yourself, treat this has a learning experience and don't focus on the bad memories. Like my Dad told me, you will fly again, son.


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