# a must read article



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I stumbled upon this article online and it is too good not to share. This speaks to the person having the affair and reasons why they should stop, but I also think it's a very good read for the BS too because it offers in site to what the DS is thinking.

http://media.affairrecovery.com.s3.amazonaws.com/docs/31reasons.pdf


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## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

Yes, thank you very much for posting this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I vote for it to be a stickie.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

APPLE!
THANK YOU SO MUCH
What an eye opener
I'm away from the site for a while then BLAM...this.
Quality article
For DS BS and Asshats everywhere
Although a *****asaurus Wrecks may have difficulty understanding it.

Chars very muchly Apple


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Great Article! I am actually going back to read it again.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I thought it was more than a bit disappointing.

I'm more of an objective kind if guy though.
I think I could come up with more reasons based on reality rather than heartbroken mantras
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Numb-badger said:


> APPLE!
> THANK YOU SO MUCH
> What an eye opener
> I'm away from the site for a while then BLAM...this.
> ...


Good to see you again, NB. I had actually been wondering where you went. 
I dont think the skankasaurus Wrecks would get it either as they automatically feel entitled to everything anyways. A part of me wants to send this to my ex husband but really, what good would that do? I'm not taking him back. I still wish he would have that eye opening experience though where he suddenly realizes just what a complete asshat he is.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I thought it was more than a bit disappointing.
> 
> I'm more of an objective kind if guy though.
> I think I could come up with more reasons based on reality rather than heartbroken mantras
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


what did you find disappointing about it?


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

morituri said:


> I vote for it to be a stickie.


 Mori...your avatar just gets weirder and weirder...but this is a great article. :iagree:


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

I went over it briefly will read in its entirety later... Great article Apple...thanks for sharing. My stbxw needs to read this.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> what did you find disappointing about it?


Well, I think there doesn`t need to be 31 reasons to stop an affair.
There really only needs to be one, respect.

Respect for yourself and for the person you are in a relationship with.

But my main problem with the article are the reasons, many are simply untrue.

4: "People always affair down"
Is obviously nothing more than a mantra dogmatized by heartbroken BS`s.
I myself have affaired UP and others I know have as well.

5: "It`ll stunt your growth ; In fact, the love generated in an affair is not love at all, though it may feel like it. It is an illusion."

The "love" generated by an affair is in fact the exact same "love" you once felt for your current SO and is indeed as "real" as you are capable of loving.

8: "Don`t call it love ; Affairs are based on romanticism, not real love. "

See #5....

10: "Romance can be hazardous to your health ; There is no high more potent than the feeling generated by an affair.The reunion of affair partners after a season of absence pro- duces overwhelming feelings.The sky is bluer, the sun shines brighter, the birds sing loud- er, and all seems well in life.You and your partner are cloaked in ecstasy and the world, as you know it, ceases to exist. All that is real in that moment is you and your partner. Gone are the worries of the world and the pressures of life, for in that brief moment of time there are no concerns, only bliss.Who doesn't want to experience that type of high? But it never lasts! Reality sets in, and the temporary escape from life's problems ends. Just like a heroin addict, the next day comes and all of life's problems not only come flooding back, but get worse, or at least more complicated."

This same "high" happens within a marriage itself over and over again if the couple are truly committed to making it work.
Therefore marriage is hazardous to your health by the same logic.

By the same token ...

#15 happens in marriage as well 

22; "You can be a better parent inside of your marriage"

This is something I once believed before I began lurking these marriage boards.
I now see that very often and in fact usually "staying for the kids" is the wrong thing to do "for the kids".

The points I do absolutely agree with ..

11: "What about integrity?"
23: "It takes a lot of energy to live a dual life"

Maybe I`m just too much of a pragmatist to appreciate the sentiment in the article but sentiment is often what gets us in trouble emotionally to begin with.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Tacoma, 
I too when reading questioned some of the points...

~sammy


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Mrs. T said:


> Mori...your avatar just gets weirder and weirder...but this is a great article. :iagree:


Is that a facsimile of you Mori? BTW, I like briefs.

Thanks Apple. How are things going with you?


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## sh0t (Sep 1, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Well, I think there doesn`t need to be 31 reasons to stop an affair.
> There really only needs to be one, respect.


You have a good material in your post for a counter article. Or at least one from a different POV. 

You should write it.


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