# New here, hoping to find some advice



## mydreamworld (Jan 3, 2011)

Hi, I am new here, I have been looking for a place for some support and advice for weeks now, and came across this..my husband and I have been married for 4 years, together almost 6, and the sex has been a rollercoaster, but the past 6 months have been totally all down hill..I love sex, I am open, and have never turned him down, I have tried to make it adventures ..new, interesting..but nothing..we have had sex 1 time in the past six months..he tells me it's NOT me..it's him..yet two weeks ago I found a notebook/journal type thing where he wrote that it's me..that I just lay there..I can't even tell you how untrue this is..(oh and by the way this is not the only problem in our marriage..one of which he lies about everything) I am just so sexually frustrated and so emotionally stressed I don't know what to do anymore..there are so many problems I think I am going to have to post in different threads.. ..I am tired of begging..tired of feeling alone in my marriage..tired of feeling unwanted..unloved..and tired of him telling me lies..I am at the end of my rope..I have supported this man through everything..found out lie after lie that he has told me..been there through thick and thin..but I am tired and feel like I have lost myself..
Thank you so much for reading..I hope I can find a outlet here, support and friendship is something we all need at times..


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## Michelle27 (Nov 8, 2010)

Just based on what you wrote here, it sounds to me like the bigger problem isn't necessarily the sex, but the lying. I can't for the life of me understand why he would write down that you just "lie there" when that's not true. Who was he trying to convince in this journal? Yikes!

The lies about so many things signal something bigger to me that bedroom problems and I'm thinking some sort of counseling (on his own or marital) is needed to address that. The lies are the red flag here, I think.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Hmm, how is your husband's testosterone level?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

mydreamworld,

I see a lot of red flags in your marriage, lying, little sex, being rejected, frustration, and other problems. 

I don't think your husband respect and care much about you! Sorry I have to be this blunt! 

When our men don't respect us, begging them to love us won't work. It will only make them feel more in control of us.

I do think you might have to prepare for a way out! Living with a man like this will not make you a happy woman. 

If you are not working, you have to start looking for a job now. If you have a job, it should be even easier. 

From now on, stop begging him, stop focusing on him, start changing yourself, physically and emotionally! Start dressing up nicely, having beautiful hairstyle, taking care of your skin, no matter what you do, make yourself a charming lady for other men. Emotionally, stop depending on him, stop feeling sorry for your life, be more cheerful, be more organized, be more positive, be more peaceful......................

When we play games, the more you want him, the less he wants you. The less you want him, the more you feel confident. When you are confident, you have the world. Men will run after you, and he will become one of them!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I second what Greenpearl just said, I simply can not understand why you want to stay with him!!


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## mydreamworld (Jan 3, 2011)

Thank you all..its not about wanting to stay with him anymore..oh no..I want out..but this I know will take time..but I am in the process of making this happen..
Greenpear..no need to say your sorry for being so blunt..everything you said is so true..and I do know this..I have stayed for so long because I did love him..and I guess I thought as a wife I needed to help him..but as you said he doesn't care..he only cares about himself and in the past six months I have come to a huge realization and know there is no marriage here..the begging will and has stopped..I can satisfy myself as far as that goes..and as for taking care of myself..I have..in the past 8 months I have lost 60 pounds..and even if I sit in the house everyday I am dressed and make up on..I have to feel good about myself..and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your words!!!
Thank you all for your response..I think sometimes we tend to fall in a rut..blaming ourselves for the problems..trying to be the one to make the changes..I did all this..and finally realized I am not the problem here..he is..


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