# Update!!



## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

Hi Everyone
you may or may not remember me, I posted here before in spurts when I was having difficulties with my relationship with my wife. Im in medical school and supporting my family and my wife's sister is here staying with us for the past 1.5 years... We have had little couple time, lack of privacy, no sex, caring, love, and plenty resentment over the past 1.5 years

I just wanted to provide an update on my situation. And perhaps illustrate to new members the wisdom of advice gained on these boards!

Well, the Fall was terrible, my wife and I had virtually no contact with wife as I was busy with school, she got what she needed from her sister (conversation), and she resented me, and when I cam e home we barely talked... things came to a head in december. I had suggested that post exams that we go to seatlle for a weekend to shop just her and I. I admit I felt weird hanging out with my own wife!!! That Saturday morning she cried and said she cannot have me just one day and that we will not make it! Due to all the issues (lack of private time together, no sex, constant arguing and no caring, etc...) I had had enough and said I can leave! We talked and she told me what she needs from me and I told her too, such as couple time together (based on advice and literature from here), sex, caring, etc... We decided to try!

A week went by and she blew up at a store towards me... we argued all the way home and she said she wants to take back trying and take me up on the offer to move out... After trying to reason a bit, I said ok! In all honesty I was relieved!!! She cried all night and then next day, she asked me deep questions:

What do I need,
Why don't I love and care for her
etc....
I asked what she needed...


We discussed things and decided to try for REAL
Showing love and care, making time for each other (including at home with her sister out of the picture allowing us to have couple time), No blow ups, no rude speak, SEX whenever either one needs it, not just when both want it, no going out on GNOs with single, divorced or cheating friends EVER, etc... 

I was happy to try but was skeptical...

But it has WORKED! We are better than ever and have since spent time with each other way more than the 15 hours/week described on marriage builders, have sex lots, discuss disagreements like adults, have not argued in front of kids or at all for that matter!

It is too early to say we are a successful couple, but I feel advice here on putting your foot down and making your spouse choose a very real option of marriage or divorce is necessary at times. For them to make changes some times, a spouse needs to know they will lose you for real and that you will be alright...

For the past 2 months of a really great relationship, I wanted to say thanks to the members here who offered their advice! I know this doesnt guarantee success for the long term, but it is a start!! 

Thanks!


----------



## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Thread carefully, and optimistically. 

-sammy


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Feels good doesn't it, Captain? 

Enjoy it...both of you.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good for you.


----------



## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Always good to hear of success stories.......another TAM good deal! Stay the course, my friend.


----------



## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

Betrayedone said:


> Always good to hear of success stories.......another TAM good deal! Stay the course, my friend.


Thanks everyone! I will definitly stay the course and never wan to go back!
I actually wasnt scared in december to make the move and say Im moving - at that point i had enough! But I think what was different than anything in the past was I meant it! In my brain and emotionally I was out! 
Life is not easy and people do disagree and one HUGE change I see in her is no blow ups to situations and if we have a difference of opinion we have been able thus far to talk it out like normal adults - in 10 years of marriage it has NEVER been like that!

I will keep working on our relationship and my self but I do realize I deserve great things and wont settle for less, finally I felt how liberating it is to break it off so if things relapse I wont hesitate or be fearful of leaving... 

Sincerelly thanks for advice all of you!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

