# I never go through with the battle plan



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Every time we have sex, which for some reason has been every Tuesday and Friday for a couple months now, I have a plan.
I think on this plan at least a day or two ahead of time. What I'm going to do, what new thing I'm going to try, etc. etc.

However, every time we start having sex, I either forget about what I wanted to do or get so worked up I throw in the towel of ideas and just f$ck. It's not a bad thing, it's just that I seem to lose control over my mind during sex.

It's like going to your favorite restaurant. Every time you tell yourself you're going to try something new on the menu. You sit down and end up ordering the same thing, enjoy the meal and tell yourself "next time I will order something else." Rinse, repeat.
I enjoy it very much, every time. I just wish I could implement some of my ideas. I'm my own worst enemy.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

If you have different ideas, talk to your wife about them as part of foreplay. THEN if she actually responds to an idea it can be something you explore together.

I'll warn you, do NOT get too invested in an idea without talking to her about it first. I may often plant a seed of an idea for something that we end up trying weeks later. This way if she is open to something, I can let myself fantasize and start making preparations. An example might be a change of location, like a hotel at the beach. OR to try doing things in a hammock, so I once worked out which portable hammock fits into our bedroom. We also took that to the beach! 

Cheers,
Badsanta


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

UMP be careful that your "battle plan" doesn't become a covert contract (aka Glover's NMMNG). Also battle plan sounds like you might be trying to make sex too meaningful and too planned out.

What you might want to consider is making sex playful and fun again and telling your wife that is what you would like rather than having it so serious. Rather than focusing on what you want to do or want her to do, focus on having fun with her. That should take some pressure off the both of you.


Good luck.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Excellent point @Young at Heart. But I don't think UMP is the type to have covert contracts. He accepts full responsibility for their bedroom because he knows his wife too well to expect something from her she simply cannot give. Now that he has taken complete leadership of the bedroom his sex life has become a thing of wonders! 

UMP, you will get to your plans in time. Living in the moment is more important than living by prescription.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Make a persona out of your idea.

I have been doing this for years without realizing it.

Become that persona a little before bedroom time.

Construct your idea into a person and then step into "him".

I envision different people in compartments or rooms.

I have the master key and let "him" out to play occasionally.

With some mental training, you should be able to pull it off. 

Don't be ashamed to practice by yourself in the bathroom.

Try on a persona while masturbating.

I think everyone can probably do this but I learned it as a kid.

Try it out. It is amazing to be different personas in bed!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

We gave up real planning long ago, past just planning to have sex of some kind. No, I'm going to do A, B, and then C. 

The only plans we come up with are more surprises & attacks, and let things go wherever they may after that. :wink2:

After discovering that the best and most memorable times were spontaneous, spur of the moment things, we stuck with that. 
Doesn't mean we have something we keep in the back of our minds. We do, and when the right time appears, or during the heat of the right moment we remember it, it happens.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Why don't you just add another day of sex in the week and call it your "try something new day?"


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

OliviaG said:


> @UMP, I think this means that at twice weekly you are too hot to be able to control yourself long enough to follow your plan. My prescription: up frequency to thrice weekly.


It might be too much for my wife. She is currently in the zone. Every Tuesday and Friday she is horny. Been that way for at least a couple months. Like clockwork. She plans her day around it.
This is unspoken, it just happens this way and it seems to work.

Every 3rd day would be best for me. Waiting for Tuesday after Friday gets a bit long.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Make a persona out of your idea.
> 
> I have been doing this for years without realizing it.
> 
> ...


This is really a great idea. I do this to some degree to get my mind all pumped up and ready to go. It's like getting ready for a big football game. I go through the game plan, get all ready with the wine, Viagra, etc. and then go into battle.
Then the "red mist" overwhelms me and I forget about everything and just go with the flow.

It happens to my wife too. We will both get into foreplay and at some point both of us can't stand it anymore. She then jumps on me for cowgirl.

Don't get me wrong, it's great. It's just that I'm just getting old and I only have so many more opportunities. I don't want to waste more time.

Perhaps I should just leave well enough alone. Unfortunately that is NOT my personality. I always take things to their limits which usually results negatively. 
I used to play golf every single day, day in and day out, even in the snow. I got to a 4 handicap and it got so hard playing golf with 3 kids that I just gave the whole thing up. Now, maybe I play once every year or two.
I had a new M3 that I slowly turned into a full on race car and ended up crashing in a race breaking my foot, losing sight in one of my eyes for a time and totaling the car.

I seem to always want more. Bigger, better, faster. You get the picture.

Anyway, can you give me an idea of different persona you try?
Maybe this might be too embarrassing for you. If so, I understand.


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

Ump, I think Conan is on to something. Sounds a bit like stepping into a role to me. I like it. Probably better than what I was going to suggest but let me throw mine out too FWIW. While its good to be in the moment, sometimes it might be helpful to step back and do a bit of self observation. Kind of the other side of the coin of self awareness. Lots of stuff on the net but for me could be as simple as practicing noticing what you feel, what you think, what you do. This would also include the mental trick of literally looking down on you and her and observing the scene. I know it sounds freaky too but its not something you do often. Its a pattern breaker and it has the added benefit of slowing things down, or at least making them seem much slower. One more tool in the toolbox for you anyway.
Good Luck.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

karole said:


> Why don't you just add another day of sex in the week and call it your "try something new day?"


Sounds logical. That's not the way it works in my house.
Sex is and major event. Maybe when the kids leave, but now we plan for sex. (unspoken) Every Tues and Friday.
Remember, my wife WILL NOT talk about sex. 

If we do not talk about it, it did not happen :grin2:

For example. If I mention the word "anal" she will completely ignore me. However, I can rim her and finger her anus till the cows come home and she loves it. However, DON'T TALK ABOUT IT !
It's her way of fighting off her hidden sex guilt demons. 
It works, but it's difficult to figure out new things and implement them in this atmosphere.

Sex for my wife is our hidden dark secret that WE can't even talk about.


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