# He says he needs attention all the time



## missgypsy (Mar 25, 2010)

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What do you do with a man, who hasn't physically cheated and said he never planned to, but has chatted, IM'd, met up with an old friend behind my back, lied about emails, continued to communicate with ex's that have been a problem in our past... I don't know where to begin... I have talked to all of these women, and yes he didnt cheat, but everything else??? flirting, making me leave Tahoe a day early so he can lie and act like he had to work, so he can meet up with a friend for coffee, bacause he was afraid I'd be upset if he met with her without me? Can a man lie this much and really love you? Yes I know he had the chance to cheat but didnt, so why the connection with these women??? Nude pics from them in a secret email????


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

Actually, that is called an emotional affair, and it is a form of cheating.


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## missgypsy (Mar 25, 2010)

like I said I didnt even know where to start my story... 

very early in our committed relationship I noticed he was acting rather strange with his cell phone, ( we live together) he was planning on going out of town for bike repairs and I checked his phone, something in my gut told me something wasnt right... I found text messages to two of his ex's that he was going to be in town, one was explicit, cant wait to sleep in your bed tonight, the other just hey Im going to be in town this weekend. I confronted him the night he was leaving and he said he had wanted to talk to these girls in person to tell them that he had met someone and that he was happy and wasn't going to continue to date them anymore.. 

hmmm they had no idea that he had moved in July and had moved in with me... he didn't end up going out of town and said he had to talk to them in that way to get them to meet up with him so he could break the news to them.. sounds like bs to me. I moved on from there because he convinced me that they were old news and he had moved on, he just wanted to break it off with them in person. 

Then in our new town, he had previously reconected with a high school friend on myspace and facebook and would chat once in a while, at the time he lived in Vegas so no biggie, we ended up moving in together in our old town which this girl lives in so right away the girl wanted to catch up, but didnt want me around wanted to catch up with him without me, there was a lot of texting and IMing while he was at work with her but nothing while he was home, again I told him that I felt she was flirting with him, because if it were platonic she could come over for dinner or we could all go out together and there shouldnt be a problem, I even said if she and he wanted to meet up for lunch or coffee one day I dont have a problem with it, but the texts were very flirty, so one day I asked her what was up, she got upset that I asked why she was flirting with my boyfriend and said she does not get involved with taken men this was in early sept 09 next thing you know im finding out that he made me come home from Tahoe early lied about going to work and both he and she and some friends hung out all day while I sat at home, Im writing the most generic short version of my story. I was so hurt so angry and I asked him why, he said he thought I'd get mad...

now lets fast forward in October 09 he got emails from his ex saying she is pregnant, a huge game she played until one of her friends called my bf and told him she was lying, after we found out it was a lie and she just wanted attention she sent him an email saying she just wanted him to move back and start a life with her.. (obviously trying to get in the way of our relationship) he chose to ignore her and told her we were happy and that he was going to propose to me. 

Now lets fast forward to Jan 2010, he was very open with his email because he didnt want anymore problems so we had an open book policy with our emails and phones, everything seemed fine, but while paying an insurance bill, in the emails was a password reset information for an email I didnt know existed... I followed the link and discovered that he had posted two craigs list ads while I was out of town in November 09, he did NOT admit it was him, he blamed it on an old friend using his email... I told him to come clean about everything that I was in Love with him and that if there is a problem we should go to counseling, he continued to deny it for a week, he saw me so stressed trying to figure out who had created these accounts in his name only to find out it was him, I traced an email to his work 

he then admitted everything, he told me about leaving tahoe early to meet up and about the ads, that they were a joke, to see how many people are willing to cheat. I told him if he is telling all the truth we could go to counseling and move on from it..

but then In March just 3 weeks ago when I thought everything was fine and that he had confessed everything... I found another fake email that he was using to communicate with the platonic highschool friend and the exs from Vegas... I confronted him, and he said yes Im a liar, he said he has never cheated and that the highschool friend ended up sending him nude pics of herself to make me mad and asked him to come over one night, he said he refused and she never tried to come on to him again, I spoke with her she said yeah they flirted but nothing else and she admitted to sending the pics... 

the other emails were nude pics of his ex who is suffering and battling from cancer, she did not look healthy very bad actually and it made me feel bad the woman is so obsessed with my bf, but again Im keeping in mind that he has lied to me about this stuff, I also found that he sent nude pics of himself on my bday to this sick lady he's explanation was so she had something to fantasize with, because she missed him so much and knew they would never be together... 

Im sick just writing all of this, he swears he never inteded on cheating and that he was just flirting and that he only wants to marry me... I talked to a girl from criagslist ad and she said no they didnt meet there was some problem and they didnt end up meeting but that she new where we lived because he gave her our address, the girls lives a few blocks from us...

with all this said I was so hurt I packed his things and rented a storage and asked him to move out, because we share everything and finances it took him a while to get a place, he is always here and kills me with kindness i feel he is leading a double life one on the internet and one with me he had told me time and time again that there was no chance he could ever cheat on me, because he's always with me, but look at all I found... 

am I too tough on him, was he just being a man? Im lost... Im sad, and angry, ....he now tells me he just wants to be loyal and has not talked to anyone but me... I think he has problems..


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

missgypsy, would you mind going back and breaking your post into paragraphs? It is REALLY hard to read such a big block of text, and most people look at it and just leave your thread without reading.


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

I read it, and I just have to say that even if he hasn't had intercourse with anyone else, and that's a big if, he is still cheating. Not to mention he is showing total lack of respect for your feelings, and no relationship can last when one is constantly lying to the other. Trust me, I have discovered over the last few months what an incredible liar my husband is, and even though I am still contemplating reconciliation because, well, screen name says it all, I don't see how I can ever believe anything he says again. I know that no one else can tell you what to do in your relationship, I just want you to know that you aren't being hard on him, you are simply asking to be respected by the man who claims to love you. He needs to stop and consider how he'd feel if tables were turned, and also if he put all that energy he's using in his secret life to use in your relationship, you guys could be having the time of your life. And it doesn't sound like he needs attention all the time, he needs attention from multiple people all the time. That is an issue he should take to a counselor. Just a thought.


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## pghgirl527 (Mar 30, 2010)

My bf has done the same thing for a while now. But later I found out he actually cheated. So just be careful. Im not saying the same in your situation, but I definately feel for you. I cant really give you any advise because we havent gotten through it yet. But just keep strong.


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

Emotional affair can be just as devastating as an actual physical affair. EA can easily 'transform' into a PA in one easy slip. I wish you the best tho'.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The man is sick. He is addicted - to himself. 

Get out now. You will NEVER matter to him as much as he does.


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## missgypsy (Mar 25, 2010)

yeah, that was my initial reaction too turnera... he wants to go to counseling and recently printed out a list of some his insurance covers, also forwarded an email from his ex, trying to get a hold of him... the email said "hey how are you doing, I havent heard from you"... he forwarded it to me and said he didnt respond... at this point Im wondering why he would do this now, because he got caught and now doesnt want to lose me?? like I said in my earlier story I moved him out but not sure what Im doing, he's been as sweet as ever and loving and supportive, but it's funny how now that be broke my trust its just so blah to me, Im tired of trying to figure out whos hes talking to.. I would've never found the email from her, she sent it to his work email, I have no access...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

> at this point Im wondering why he would do this now, because he got caught and now doesnt want to lose me??


Yep. That's how it works. People take each other for granted...until they can't.

People CAN change, if they want to enough. If I were you, I'd LET him get into his therapy, live apart for a year, date, and then reassess how things are progressing. You're in no hurry.


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## missgypsy (Mar 25, 2010)

So two therapy seesions later, and now we find out his insurance wont cover counseling... at his 1st session the counselor asked why he wanted to try and save this relationship, why doesn't he just stay single if he seeks attention so badly? He of course answered because I am different then the rest of the girls, and tired of all the bs cheating and lying from other women.. Im not sure I can heal with out therapy


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Send him packing.

He will NEVER change if you allow him to stay with you. Why should he?

If he really does love you, he can survive a year on his own and he can spend that time wooing you and PROVING he can be only for you.


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