# New relationship



## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

I posted a while back about an old friend I was chatting with. We have been seeing each other and finally got to the stage of becoming intimate. He could not perform, so to speak, over the course of the weekend, and told me it had only happened once before, the first time he was with the woman who is now his ex-wife, many years ago. So what does it mean? I don't have a ton of experience with this. We are both near 50. I know I was pretty overwhelmed by being with him (in a totally good way); could that be a part of it for him? TIA.


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## daddymikey1975 (Apr 18, 2009)

could be pressure to perform among other things LOL..

a drink or two to 'lighten the mood' could be the answer to relaxing


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

You might want to check with your local herbal store for horny goat week (yes, it's real). It's kind of like a natural viagra. 

I used the V, C, and L pills and then found that I didn't really need (they made it difficult for me to orgasm, actually). 

The HGW worked better and I was able to get erect and not last so long.


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

As to "pressure to perform," why would that happen randomly? I mean, is it a sign he really wanted to please or impress me or something? Why me (and his former wife) and not others? That's part of my confusion. I guess I am wondering if I'm somehow part of the problem. I know I was really turned on and I'm pretty sure he was too; he seemed really frustrated but handled it very gracefully, I thought.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

I am kinda in the same boat.... I want to please my wife so bad, I can't perform also.

I was told it was due to anxiety, from my Therapist and Doctor. Add to that the stress of my Wife wanting a divorce for a few weeks then not wanting one...

As I told my Wife, it's not her, as I find her more attractive and sexy as ever.... Hang in there and don't think it's you. Doing so could make it more difficult for him to perform, as it will just keep ratteling in his brain..


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Horny Goat weed and Yohimbe can be found at GNC. I rarely need them but take them recreationally once in a while.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Perpetua, not you, per se...but the newness of you, perhaps. 

You might try a mutual masturbation session before trying for intercourse. That may help lighten the pressure and give each other the view of what turns on the other. Or trade oral, but not 69 (yet). 

I guess you're not far enough along for a prostate massage? Or G spot massage? 

All in good time, dear.


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

We are 1000+ miles apart--does it help or hurt the situation if I express my passion for him? I don't want to say anything that will make things worse, but if knowing I'm still highly interested will help, then I want to say what I feel. I won't see him again for more than 3 weeks. I'm afraid that the limits on our time together will just make things more difficult for him, too.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I'd not get too expressive, but I'd say some expression of desire would be ok. Something like I miss you and can't wait to see you again. Rather than I want to jump your bones!  But it depends on how much you each are into each other.


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

dcrim said:


> I'd not get too expressive, but I'd say some expression of desire would be ok. Something like I miss you and can't wait to see you again. Rather than I want to jump your bones!  But it depends on how much you each are into each other.


I am SO into him; that's what worries me! I am afraid that I will overwhelm him and make things worse. Thanks for taking the time to reply; I'm really concerned about this and obviously it is not something a woman can really totally understand!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

perpetua said:


> I posted a while back about an old friend I was chatting with. We have been seeing each other and finally got to the stage of becoming intimate. He could not perform, so to speak, over the course of the weekend, and told me it had only happened once before, the first time he was with the woman who is now his ex-wife, many years ago. So what does it mean? I don't have a ton of experience with this. We are both near 50. I know I was pretty overwhelmed by being with him (in a totally good way); could that be a part of it for him? TIA.


what does that mean?
means he has either a physical or emotional problem.

I told you not to fall head over heels before knowing the whole, current and updated situation... unless
your ok with a sexless realtionship and he is too.

I'd be very careful to watch him for porn addiction... which for some of those guys is the only way they can perform.

Only happened once before.. lol, yeah right.
Also you may consider if your being so into him is turning him off sexually. For some people moving so fast reeks of desperation and is a turn off.. when people don't let the relationship build naturally.


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

preso said:


> unless
> your ok with a sexless realtionship and he is too.


Fortunately, we are both very imaginative and the time together was *very* satisfying for me. I had this same thing happen with a guy many years ago, and we worked through it. It's just been a while, so I asked the men for their opinions. 

I also know my guy's former girlfriend and she had no complaints in this area, so I think the likeliest reason for the difficulties was the newness of a sexual relationship with me and, perhaps, the fact that we had anticipated this moment for some time (several months). That's a lot of pressure, from what I understand. It even took me some time to relax and enjoy myself, but I think it's easier for women, really.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

May need to pay attention to his health issues and current medications. This can play a big factor in ED.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

perpetua said:


> I also know my guy's former girlfriend and she had no complaints in this area, so I think the likeliest reason for the difficulties was the newness of a sexual relationship with me and, perhaps, the fact that we had anticipated this moment for some time (several months). That's a lot of pressure, from what I understand. It even took me some time to relax and enjoy myself, but I think it's easier for women, really.


I agree. Looking for more complicated or severe reasons at this point seems like jumping the gun.


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