# Hi I’m mjjr



## MJJR (Jul 17, 2019)

Been married now 16 years, ive always had low self esteem, been overweight the majority of adult life , never been truly happy with myself . My wife says it doesn’t matter and she loves me no matter what, over the last yr I’ve done an amazing job of losing 21 kg and getting slim, even have a 6 pack going on, lot of hard work!
My wife doesn’t really take any interest in the new me, she says she loves me no matter what or how I look. for her our sex life is great!
For me I feel something is missing in our life’s, I surprise my wife’s with gifts every now nothing large could just be something small now and then just to show I’m thinking about her but I can’t remember the last time my wife did this for me, I can’t remember the last time I was tied to the bed. Am I being paranoid in thinking she doesn’t think of me this way anymore. I have had some erection problems in the past with the mind taking over of my thoughts, my wife is also a people’s person, but sometimes I feel she is watching other people more than she is watching me ! I’ve talked to her about this, she happy with me is she happy with our sex life but the constant making eye contact with other men is still making me feel un worthy and is affecting my performance in the bedroom and I don’t just wanna be popping boner pills to keep her happy while I’m not feeling happy inside

Please only reply with constructive answers 

Thanks mark


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

*Re: Hi I’m mjjr*

Hi Mark and welcome to TAM.

How old are the two of you?
Have you ever had your testosterone tested?
Great job on losing the weight, that’s not easy!


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

*Re: Hi I’m mjjr*

If your wife married a fatter you, what makes you think she automatically prefers a thinner you? 
There ARE people who like meat on the bones more than six packs. 
You lose weight and she tells you "I love you no matter what you look like". Have I misread something? Have you asked her about her physical preferences in men? 

That "eye contact"....is it with bigger guys?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Hello, welcome to TAM, the thing you ask of constructive feedback only. Is as l see it that you have an identity and self-esteem issues on going. You only want to have Cheri-picked to not offend you remarks. That shows you have issues of telling you wife to STOP having eye contact. And then do something about it. Grow a big pair and set the standard you put down for her to follow. The consequences! Then stand behind them. You need to work on this so your wife can start having some respect for you. And then you can start having some respect for yourself.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MJJR said:


> Been married now 16 years, ive always had low self esteem, been overweight the majority of adult life , never been truly happy with myself . My wife says it doesn’t matter and she loves me no matter what, over the last yr I’ve done an amazing job of losing 21 kg and getting slim, even have a 6 pack going on, lot of hard work!
> My wife doesn’t really take any interest in the new me, she says she loves me no matter what or how I look. for her our sex life is great!
> For me I feel something is missing in our life’s, I surprise my wife’s with gifts every now nothing large could just be something small now and then just to show I’m thinking about her but I can’t remember the last time my wife did this for me, I can’t remember the last time I was tied to the bed. Am I being paranoid in thinking she doesn’t think of me this way anymore. I have had some erection problems in the past with the mind taking over of my thoughts, my wife is also a people’s person, but sometimes I feel she is watching other people more than she is watching me ! I’ve talked to her about this, she happy with me is she happy with our sex life but the constant making eye contact with other men is still making me feel un worthy and is affecting my performance in the bedroom and I don’t just wanna be popping boner pills to keep her happy while I’m not feeling happy inside
> 
> ...


Okay you’ve lost a lot of weight and that’s very hard to do so well done. But that’s only the start. 
You need to get a new haircut for starters. Then update your wardrobe to some fashionable clothing that shows the new fitter, slimmer you. Go to an upmarket men’s clothing store and ask for advice. Either a young female or better still a gay male assistant would be the best option. 
As it is your wife doesn’t see you any differently because you are behaving as you always did. 
This has to stop!
Start going out to places that a lot of people hang out, whether it’s sports events or hiking groups or whatever. If your wife sees you making friends and chatting with other people including women her opinion on you will start to change. 
The truest statement ever written is “familiarity breeds contempt “. I’m not saying that your wife treats you with contempt but there’s no harm in her realizing that she’s married to an attractive man who could do just fine without her.


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## MJJR (Jul 17, 2019)

I’m 44 and my wife is 37, yes I’ve been tested for low T doctor said my age fine
Yes I haven’t been out with the gents for a long while just never felt upto it 
I’ve questioned my wife had a few deep conversations lately, if I pushed to hard she breaks down and cries saying she doesn’t know what else to do to prove she loves me
I need to get out let her think about me for a while, I think I need to build my self esteem up again


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

MJJR said:


> I’m 44 and my wife is 37, yes I’ve been tested for low T doctor said my age fine
> Yes I haven’t been out with the gents for a long while just never felt upto it
> I’ve questioned my wife had a few deep conversations lately, if I pushed to hard she breaks down and cries saying she doesn’t know what else to do to prove she loves me
> I need to get out let her think about me for a while, I think I need to build my self esteem up again


MJJR, You know this is one of the oldest ways to avoid coming clean ( your wife's) crocodile tears. And it works for you. She keeps you at bay. You probably know that she was making google eyes at other men before. But somehow convince yourself to let it pass because of your belief in yourself because you didn't measure up compared to other men.

And when you changed what you believe would solve all of your issues you were working through, Mr.sixpack type nothing changed. Because you are the same person, only the outside changed not the inside. It looks like it's not so much your problem but your wife's wandering eyes and personality. She may feel she was entitled you look at others because you failed to be like those others. Because she may have thought that you were safe.

Is she the type to strike out first as not to get wounded first. And able to do just enough for you to pacify you, and keep you safe? I have large people in my family and there are those who are remarkable transformations, but they are still the same person as before and still let everyone drop turds on them. As it was already said before become the bold and total new man, read no more Mr Nice guy. And guess what if your wife doesn't value you then maybe she was never yours at all.

And be prepared to kick her to the curb, because in you first post it says alot. Be willing to let her free. Don't let her define you worthiness, she's on the prowl looking for the better deal it seems. And could be only a matter of time.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Re: Hi I’m mjjr*



MJJR said:


> I’m 44 and my wife is 37, yes I’ve been tested for low T doctor said my age fine
> Yes I haven’t been out with the gents for a long while just never felt upto it
> I’ve questioned my wife had a few deep conversations lately, if I pushed to hard she breaks down and cries saying she doesn’t know what else to do to prove she loves me
> I need to get out let her think about me for a while, I think I need to build my self esteem up again


I think, she thinks, she does not really think much about those other men.

Eyes gaze, they need to find targets to land on. Her's commonly land everywhere, you only see them land on men.

*STOP THIS!*

It makes you sound weak and self conscious, having low esteem, which, of course, you are/have. 
Let her look, distract her by your words, and by being fun to be with.

Nobody wants to suffer a jealous boor. She now knows not to look at men.
Hopefully, she will defer doing this when you are present!

She has not cheated, nor does she sound like she is a cheater. 

Be slim, be strong for yourself, for your own self esteem.

Do not make her uncomfortable being around you. You will then push her away, making your worst fears, become that cheating reality.

Enjoy the loving sex she willingly offers.

Now, I know this is TAM, and I know other dirt filled plots managed to get dug, right under our noses.
I do not see any shovels at this juncture.

ED pills for men are a godsend. Mother Nature did not prescribe them. In her wisdom, she is selfish. Men used to die off before these pills became needed. Not any more.



LMc-


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

*Re: Hi I’m mjjr*

^^^^^ What he said about the jealous boor thing....it's true. You admit you have low self esteem. Low self esteem begets insecurities. That could be what's happening here. And your wife's crying....I would cry, too, if my spouse kept accusing me of this or that because he's insecure. I've actually had this happen. It's bull****. Work on doing things for yourself to make you happy within your own skin so you can have a happy relationship with the woman you love.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@MJJR Well done with the weight loss.

I think you need counselling to help you be a better you for yourself and your wife.

Don't accidentally push he away.


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