# Infidelity... girl is pregnant and we are broken.



## broken4ever (May 3, 2009)

Hi, my husband of 15 yrs had an affair with a coworker. the girl called me and told me she is pregnant and she is keeping the baby.. my husband told her not to keep the baby because it was just a fling and he is not in love with her. She is going through with the pregnancy and he has ceased communication with her. I am devastated... We have a 4 yr old son and I am thorn between leaving or staying.. I want to stay and provide a stable family for my son... because outside of this horrible event we are a great team together.. But I hurt so much that I just think it would be best for me to leave. We still love each other but have been faced with financial issues and other personal dissapointments.. My husband had a failed business.. we lost hundreds of $$ in a business investment. and he feels trapped in his current job.. so he found a distraction to all the problems by stepping outside of the marriage... ( this is no excuse but its what happen).
So the problem is I want him to send child support through the courts when the child is born, and have no contact with them because that is the only way I know how to survive this.

On the other hand I am struggling with the thought of that child not knowing a father... I feel like I am a horrible person for wanting him to have no cantact. but if he is to play an active role then the other women beomes a factor and I know I will not be able to handle that. 

At first he was ok with sending child support but now he is all distraught about having a child and not caring for it the way he does with our son. He keeps saying "what kind of a person would I be... I dont know if I could live with myself" so I know this is an issue... its the deciding factor for me... because the betrayal hurts so bad... right now for me to see the product of that betrayal is not an option...at least right now... I dont know how i will feel inthe future after the pain heals gradually... so He has so make a choice... we are both willing to go to therapy to try and stay together.. But I know I cant handle dealing with the physical presence of a child conceived after I have been married to him. 

Am I a terrible person for wanting that.. I desperatly want to protect my son... but at what cost... 

Help me....I need your thoughts... what are my choices? as I havent discussed this with anyone... its too painful and I feel like I failed in sustaining my marriage... I feel like I was a failure... not able to hold on to my man.... thanks


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

These are some tough issues to deal with. First and foremost....are you sure shes actaually pregnant? And, are you SURE it's his? These things need to be established. Granted...paternity will take until after the child is born to determine. 

Think about this from another perspective. Had he had this child before you got together....you would of embraced your role as step mother and loved that child for being a part of your husband. Remember that this child had no fault in what happened. It sounds as though your husband is not the type to just let a child of his grow up without him. That is respectable. IMO he should be a part of this childs life. However, there are rules and boundaries, (I have thought long and hard about this, as I was almost faced with the same problem). Here is what I would do if it were me in your shoes. 1) Limited contact during pregnancy. All pertinent info can be shared through email, and emergencys would go through me. She can notify you and him, again through email or you, when she goes into labor. I would only allow my husband to visit baby in the hospital only if the baby is in the nursery. All visits would be arranged via email. All pick up/drop off, would be through me or with me present. 

That is how I would do things if it were me. At some point things will become easier and not so awkard as long as all involved respect each other, and act adult like and responsible. And if you choose to do this....spend as much time with that baby when he/she is little and do your own bonding with him/her. Hate TOW if you want....definitly hate what they did....but don't hold the child guilty of an adults mistakes.


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## broken4ever (May 3, 2009)

thanks for you thoughts...


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

I know my post may not of been what you wanted to hear. Everyone reacts differently to these types of situations. There will be others that will tell you I'm crazy to expect you to deal with a child produced by an affair. Just weigh it all and make the best choice for you and your family. Best of luck.


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