# Guys am I moving too quickly?



## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

A few excerpts from my recent posts on TAM,

Just finished your book and wanted to thank you, I have been applying what I have learned. I have a new peep in my step! I find myself smiling at women and them smiling back. I definitively feel like I have a plan to follow and the confidence is back. Applying a little lost Alfa at home is already gaining me results. I want to be a better man and if she still don't come around, well the book explains that too. Thanks again.

I took matters into my own hands last night after the cold shoulder treatment, first time while she was present. She got up and went to her room before I could ask her if she could give me a hand with this.

Took matters into my own hands again while she was present with different results ( see she orgasms but does not like sex)and the discussion began. I explained to her that most men start masturbating around 12 years old. I told her that her son will probably masturbate until he gets married unless he marries someone like you. A little cruel but I made my point.
Next time you have sex try to orgasm before her. I mean, F the daylights out of her in a good way. Try doggie or some other position where you dominate. Try to go deep, fast and hard.

At this point look at it like an experiment to find out what will turn her on. Whatever you are doing is not working so try other things.
Took your advice, along with The Man Up and Nice Guy References and a lot of what I have been reading in The Married Man Sex life Primer and went total ALFA yesterday with some interesting results. Did some manly chores I have been putting off, Lifted weights, did push ups and did not drink 3rd day in a row! After lights out started masturbating next to her and a discussion ensued I advised her that I would rather be with her but did not need her. She said she would not use her hand but would be willing to do “normal”. I did not answer for a few minutes then told her to take off her PJs and get over here and proceed to follow your advise. When she said the kids will here the bed squeaking I ignored her and pounded away. After I finished I told her I was going to do her again after I had rested and she said "do me Now! The hand she refuses to use earlier went right to work and we continued. Working on bettering the relationship one day at a time. Thank you Talk About Marriage.

Sent the wify a text yesterday “ We are going to try a new position tonight” 
Not sure why I expected some kind of positive response ( can’t wait, what position, surprise me etc.) but definitely did not expect an immediate phone call with her screaming and yelling and accusing me of watching porn, and telling me I have problems. 

Did I move ahead too quickly?


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Want to man-up? Inform her in a *calm, quiet and respectful* tone that another disrespectful outbreak like that and you will start considering divorce and then leave her to ponder your words.

Many men, and women, take abusive behavior from their spouses because they are afraid of the 'nuclear option' and their abusive spouses know it.

The question is, are you going to continue allowing to disrespect you?


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

morituri said:


> Want to man-up? Inform her in a *calm, quiet and respectful* tone that another disrespectful outbreak like that and you will start considering divorce and then leave her to ponder your words.
> 
> Many men, and women, take abusive behavior from their spouses because they are afraid of the 'nuclear option' and their abusive spouses know it.
> 
> The question is, are you going to continue allowing to disrespect you?


@ OP ~

Sounds like there's a lot of disrespect on both sides.

I don't think that being an 'alpha' means pushing your wife around and expecting her to comply with your wishes whenever you want without considering her thoughts whatsoever. Yep, that was disrespectful of you. She then pushed back and went ballistic on you - yep, that was disrespectful of her.

You and your wife don't seem to be at the stage in your marriage where you have the kind of intimacy and closeness that sending a playful text like you did to your wife is going to engender the kind of response you want from her. She really is not in to you in the way you want, so you need to pick your battles carefully. A woman that isn't into a man and is annoyed, confrontational, and unwilling for whatever reason is usually a poor choice for playful flirting.

And, what did you do when she went ballistic? Did you just roll with it, or did you let her know that her reaction was unwarranted and disrespectful, and that if she wasn't up to doing anything with you to just say so nicely?

What other ways are you trying to connect with her that don't involve the bedroom? Lots of women want a bit more warming up than just a text stating we're doing it tonight.


----------



## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

frustated said:


> After I finished I told her I was going to do her again after I had rested and she said "do me Now! The hand she refuses to use earlier went right to work and we continued. Working on bettering the relationship one day at a time. Thank you Talk About Marriage.


Perfect.

Her actions, they are telling you what is turning her on.



> Sent the wify a text yesterday “ We are going to try a new position tonight”
> Not sure why I expected some kind of positive response ( can’t wait, what position, surprise me etc.) but definitely did not expect an immediate phone call with her screaming and yelling and accusing me of watching porn, and telling me I have problems.
> 
> Did I move ahead too quickly?


No.

Understand what a "fitness test" is, and respond to such unexpected reactions in the proper way. She is perhaps feeling insecure in how vulnerable she was recently with you, and her insecurity is provoking her to challenge you and knock you off balance.

Expect the unexpected by simply deflecting such comments calmly, and with confidence.

"Babe, my only 'problem' is I am throbbing in my pants thinking about you." or someting similar.

Do not let her knock you off balance! Show her with your determined and consistent behavior that your appetite for her is flowing from how she turns you on, and do not let "fitness tests" or her insecurities derail your progress.


----------



## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

BigBadWolf said:


> Perfect.
> 
> Her actions, they are telling you what is turning her on.
> 
> ...


Thank you, I was caught so off guard I let her run roughshod on me! it just seems like every time I take a step forward I end up taking 2 steps back.


----------



## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

When she says "You watching too much porn", you should hear "Assure me I am the one creating the desire in you."

When she says "There's something wrong with you", you should hear "Assure me there is nothing wrong with us".

It is this way often at first, to the man showing dominance where perhaps before there was lacking, the fitness tests and left-field accusations, the two steps forward and one step back flowing, all these things are this one thing:

Opportunity to show your woman your CONSISTENT mettle, that the man you are demonstrating is the man you are, that you are not easily knocked off balance.

Be consistent, also be willing to not only be consistent, but not afraid to be even more willing to share what it is you are desiring and expected. 

Do not back down, instead be even more bold!


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Frustated,

What's happening is to be expected.

Your confidence is shaking her.

She wants to see if it's "real"... so she's going to test it and you.

Stay the course.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Read about Fitness Testing in these links - and buckle your chinstrap.


----------



## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Frustated,
> 
> What's happening is to be expected.
> 
> ...


I'm working on it. Yesterday after the workout garbed my dog for my now usual power walk got in the car and ended up at a local car show. The dog was a chick magnet even though many of the chicks were with their male companions, it did not hurt that i was wereing an a shirt and still swelled up from the weights.

After being home for an hour she finally asked where I went. I told her. I never go anywhere with our telling her/ getting permission first. Trying to be independent and unpredictable, shacking things up.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

frustated said:


> I'm working on it. Yesterday after the workout garbed my dog for my now usual power walk got in the car and ended up at a local car show. The dog was a chick magnet even though many of the chicks were with their male companions, it did not hurt that i was wereing an a shirt and still swelled up from the weights.
> 
> After being home for an hour she finally asked where I went. I told her. I never go anywhere with our telling her/ getting permission first. Trying to be independent and unpredictable, shacking things up.


I guess I don't understand why common courtesy is taboo. While I don't think it's good for a husband to ask for permission like a child would, I don't think it's good to go completely the opposite and just disappear without warning. If my husband did that I would first be worried sick, then likely furious when he finally stepped foot in the door. I don't know how that moves a relationship forward? :scratchhead:

I don't know - my husband neither asks nor just bolts out on his own. He just informs me. He'll come up and say, "I need to work out next week two nights because I have meetings during my normal noon workouts. I've marked the time on the calendar (we have a big communal calendar in the hallway). Let me know if anything comes up." That's it. Maybe I'm missing something?


----------

