# decided to focus on now



## butternutsquash

OK, I'd like some advice. Me and my wife have had problems. She has hurt me and i feel like for a long time I haven't gotten the love/energy/passion that I've put in back. In short i feel like i can't do it anymore. I've decided that i'm going to focus on now and if i can be happy day to day with my wife i will stay and if not a will leave. No more waiting and working for the day she isn't depressed, is expressive towards me, can be happy, etc. My question is should i talk to her about this. I'm soooo sick of working for a solution and looking for love from her. Does this make sense?


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## moxy

butternutsquash said:


> My question is should i talk to her about this. I'm soooo sick of working for a solution and looking for love from her. Does this make sense?


If you don't talk to her, how do you think it will improve? You must talk to her about the problems if you want to get past them.

She can't read your mind and she doesn't understand your resentment without your words to explain it. So, find a way to talk to her about what you're feeling.

Have you two tried marriage counseling, yet?

From what I can tell, good communication is important to the longevity of a marriage. If you want things to work, you have to be wiling to communicate and you have to be willing to work on *how* you communicate, too. 

Put yourself all in. Say that you want this to work. Give it your all. That includes being willing to work on the troubles. Marriage isn't just "happy ever after" and you can't expect everything to be effortless...but it doesn't have to be so painful, either, and you can avoid this feeling you have by talking to your wife and trying to get to the bottom of your problems! 

Be honest, but be gentle.


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## DH1971

uhh, yes you need to talk to her about it. And you need to go to counseling.


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## butternutsquash

moxy said:


> If you don't talk to her, how do you think it will improve? You must talk to her about the problems if you want to get past them.
> 
> She can't read your mind and she doesn't understand your resentment without your words to explain it. So, find a way to talk to her about what you're feeling.
> 
> Have you two tried marriage counseling, yet?
> 
> From what I can tell, good communication is important to the longevity of a marriage. If you want things to work, you have to be wiling to communicate and you have to be willing to work on *how* you communicate, too.
> 
> Put yourself all in. Say that you want this to work. Give it your all. That includes being willing to work on the troubles. Marriage isn't just "happy ever after" and you can't expect everything to be effortless...but it doesn't have to be so painful, either, and you can avoid this feeling you have by talking to your wife and trying to get to the bottom of your problems!
> 
> Be honest, but be gentle.



I've been all in for so long and i feel like i haven't gotten the same back. It seems like its too much/too painful and it will never work that way. I feel like if it is ever going to work she has to come to me.


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