# Why do men have fantasies...



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

and do me ever think about sex without it being a fantasy?

I was talking to a friend today about sex and he asked about fantasies and I explained to him that since my fantasy is being in a trusting relationship while being able to get it on and enjoy myself (and this hasn't always been a fantasy, but it did get derailed in traumatic and sad fashion...) I didn't have a specific fantasy.

I guess if I had to choose to say something, my fantasy would be to be the woman who could be counted on to deliver the fantasies of the guy of my fantasies, so far as they don't involve actual third (or fourth, fifth, etc. parties) and are not violent or hurtful in nature (physically or emotionally.) And to be friends and lovers (exclusively.)

But the whole discussion made me realize how much of a gap there is in understanding between men and women. Of course, all people are different, but I felt strange about not having any specific fantasies that weren't based in say real settings. My fantasy is to be the fantasy and make a nice guy friend real happy while being comfortable in the relationship both in and out of bed (and places in between.) 

Does a guy always think of sex as a sort of driving need or in a fantasy way, or does a guy sometimes think of sex as a means to increased intimacy, i.e. for the feeling of being close and loving as well, or is fantasy fulfilment equivalent to being close and loving? 

Or is it all just all over the place?

I have quite a few guy friends and I'm not stupid about what is really going on sometimes (not always, but sometimes) when a compliment is given. I get that guys fantasize. I just want to know more about how guys can fantasize and also get out of that mode sometimes either still in a sexual context or out. Like if they've been having fantasies about you because you spend time with them in a boy-girl setting or a conversation, etc. then how do you start a relationship if part of the driving force is them being motivated to have a chance to work out their fantasies? How much does that really factor into a guy's relationship choice? 

I think I'm really uneducated about the nature of fantasies that are shared between real people and what percentage of relationship life that they would occupy, on average...I don't think I would be comfortable in a relationship that had only fantasy-based sex. Pretty much what I told my boyfriend when we got together was to calm down, there would be time for that in future, don't try to do everything at once, buddy. But then he had a brain hemorrhage so that all got derailed. I don't even see him any more, his guardian removed him to another state, so we can't even talk about it and so far as I know there is no relationship since he hasn't managed to contact me, not sure if it's a factor of his rehabilitation or his sister being his guardian and censoring his relationships (for his best interest, or not, not my business...what I know is I don't see him or hear from him any more.) 

So this is a discussion I had with one of his buddies who is now my buddy but I happen to know he thinks I'm hot. lol. Because neither of us is doing anything, the current trend is to sit around and talk about it after kayaking. Probably it is driving him nuts.
 

fyi I am not into casual sex, for me my parameters are that I only enjoy it in trusting committed relationship...which for me have been hard to come by...but then there are issues of fantasies. Maybe I just need the QTIP 'tip' (QTIP = Quit Taking It Personally.)


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I dunno, I'm female and I have sexual fantasies.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> But the whole discussion made me realize how much of a gap there is in understanding between men and women.





lamaga said:


> I dunno, I'm female and I have sexual fantasies.


^^^This... is what I'm with... There really isn't a gap between a man or womans way of thinking... not imo. It's all individual based as your case proves. For me.. sexual fantasies are just the spice of a relationship, something that adds a bit more adventure to it. I am female as well and i sure as hell have fantasies I'd love to try out with my husband. Mine happen to be bondage related whereas my hubbys happens to deal with another category.

Now... is this what you mean by fantasies? Sexual fantasies? Or... do you mean something else?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

lamaga said:


> I dunno, I'm female and I have sexual fantasies.


OK, I'd like to know about that too. My fantasies aren't specific like my guy friends' tend to be. I'm thinking because it doesn't take much to get me going if I feel like going at it, just the thought of it is fantasy enough, or I just fantasize about being the fantasy, and it's not a fantasy when I am doing that, lol, since I am. 

Or, if your fantasy is about being able to have your fantasies met, when you get to that fantasy it kind of folds up on itself. :scratchhead:


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Now... is this what you mean by fantasies? Sexual fantasies? Or... do you mean something else?


That is what I mean. I think I might have a habit of being fantasy deficient because I was codependent and in abusive relationships for so long. So finally given a chance to have fantasies, that WAS my fantasy. So it's not until now that I realized I didn't have any, other than being in a relationship where I could have them. lol. I am having trouble getting out of I guess codependent fantasy thinking. Also from abusive relationship, I censored a lot of sexual thoughts that came into my mind day to day because ex would accuse me of wanting to have sex with every guy I met in day to day life on regular basis....now I think I don't even think about sex when I talk with guys...except if I am actually sitting around talking to them about sex while keeping my clothes on in a public place. This is just wrong. I am 48, and I want to find a way to remedy it. 

So asking friends here at TAM who can shed some light on this subject for me. My therapist has said I'm detached, just in general, but I think I'm doing a pretty good job these days of connecting with people in general, more and more. Maybe it's this missing cognitive piece that adds flirt or whatever to your day to day, that I've completely buried somewhere and is short circuiting the 'connect' and leading to 'disconnected'. (My therapist is actually sort of a cold fish, say, when it comes to dressing...shall we say government drab? But to be honest she probably sees mostly male patients with serious concerns as it's a VA hospital and I am probably a rare woman in her client base.) I feel like if I entertain fantasies there is some sort of energy connected to them that leads to trouble, as energy that strong could be felt by others (and I lived in a male world for a while as I needed to earn a living after being abandoned by parents at 17 so joined the military and had nothing else but that...in 1983 there were fewer females I think, and I guess in terms of attractiveness maybe a lot less than I see now, or got the impression of from my exhusband's unit gatherings) I think too as a kid being sexually abused there is some kind of subliminal effort to turn off sex appeal. Well, apparently that has backfired on me as a lot of guys now LIKE that approachability when you're not chasing them down and trying to use sex appeal to attract them but just :-o talking to them about every day stuff (and fantasies and movies about fantasies...) Plus at 48 I have been told I am hot. So the deck is stacked. The guys I do like and would consider giving a shot are not real attractive so the fantasy is really more about feelings and affect than about physical stuff, I can't go there because physically, as my landlord says, 'when guys get older we are just all ugly as sh*t' ... I have an attraction to possible partners based on the relationship, and that drives the desire to be intimate as a matter of being sexual in the first place. It's not like I want to have sex based on what I see, it's based on what I feel, and then any kind of fantasy tends to maybe put the guy OUT of that role in the day to day out of bed relationship and changes him into someone who is de-personalized from their self I have got to know and been attracted to. I guess maybe unlike what my therapist says, I am TOO attached, and cannot unattach in order to let a fantasy happen, as it's too much identity changing going on for my taste.

Maybe I will bring this up with my therapist, and ask her how her theory of attachment plays out in this kind of scenario?

For me a fantasy would be under the moonlight by a campfire. Something that doesn't change anyone's identity.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Im whipped but usually all my fantasies included my wife.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Many times I have asked my wife about her fantasies and she says that what we have is basically " her fantasy."
But I, on the other hand have always had another fantasy. Not that its anything big. 
Maybe there is a connection with past sexual experiences and the fact that my mother was an extremely dominant woman.
Before marriage,most of my sexual partners were more than 5 years my senior.
My wife is also 2 yrs older than I.
My fantasies are always about older women .


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't have to fantasize to have rewarding sex with my wife. Sometimes it is just about loving her and wanting to be close. Other times I do like the fantasy aspect. Mine vary but usually center on my wife but not always. Her fantasy usually involves multiple men but not always. I guess because we are so secure with each other the fantasy thing is not a big issue for us one way or the other.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I have fantasies but they all include my husband. And while he's yes middle aged I find him attractive. So its based on what I see AND what I feel.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> I have fantasies but they all include my husband. And while he's yes middle aged I find him attractive. So its based on what I see AND what I feel.


Thanks. I think it's easy to find someone attractive when it's a total package deal (haha, I said package!)

I used to think my ex was attractive until I was able to see him for what he really was, then he became incredibly unattractive. After his abuse turned more overt (due to me getting therapy and learning to advocate and speak up for myself when things bothered me - as they should and did...), he exposed a manipulative and brutal side of himself. 

Probably once I am able to have more confidence in my assessment of someone's personality it would be easier to indulge in fantasies. Fantasies involve knowing for sure who your partner is, before you can transform him/her into being 'different' in your mind...have the experience (or leave it as a fantasy) and then get back to the core being of your partner. 

I guess with my ex, the fantasies he expressed were too interfering with reality. Even when I told him not to say to me that he thought I was interested sexually in my older son's best friend, or having sex with a woman friend (or two, or three, etc.) that I had, or some young adult a group of us had befriended at the gym...he would continue to do this. (He continued to do a lot of abusive behavior that I explained to him wasn't okay, like taking sausages at the grocery store and doing and saying lewd things to me in public with them...in front of other people and sometimes when there were children in the aisle...etc.) 

I guess when it comes to a partner's fantasies, I need to understand that my ex's fantasies really weren't fantasies that were appropriate or considerate. He might have kept a lot of that to himself. And respected my boundaries. But I do think a lot of that was straight out abuse, because I ended up censoring myself heavily so that I would feel guilty if I so much as smiled or bantered with any guy, like at the dump where the guys were really kind to me, and supportive, or at the post office where the postmaster and I would talk about an owl we had that covered the territory between the hill his house was on, and mine...etc. Small town stuff. I am used to being friends with older guys, I lost my father when I was a teenager and there have always been older guys who stepped in to help me with stuff without any sexual things or conversation going on, because they are nice people. I can feel the difference between someone who is just trying to get in my pants and someone who is genuinely stepping in to look after me when I need some support or help. My husband would say no they were not helping they wanted to get in your pants. 

That's like saying there are no Christians in the world, or moral people. I know that for a fact it's not true.

Anyway, this is an interesting thread for me and very helpful, please add thoughts.

So if someone has a fantasy and shares it with a partner, there is definitely a time and place to do that, and if the partner says that no, she/he can't entertain that fantasy, it is too disruptive to day to day life, or please leave so and so out of it because I work/work out with him/her or value that friendship with him/her or that friend of son's spends a lot of time at our house so leave that alone, please stop verbalizing and do not make eyes or gestures at me when son's friend is visiting and I talk to him or have helped him with engine trouble in his vehicle... and it continues then that is not okay if it continues. It's like his fantasy (if it was a fantasy) involved me being some kind of sex addict wanting to scr*w everyone in my life and always having sexual thoughts...which I do not. Far from it, which is why I asked him to stop saying stuff like that. He would say it in any kind of conversation, not when we were having a talk about fantasies, but if I was talking about the person, like I'm getting together with K and her kids on Saturday at the playground, he would ask if we were going to go in the woods together. I would tell him no stop it, we are getting together with the kids to play and it's helpful for her if I can watch one kid if she has to change the other (kid with disability, and the younger one toilet training...) and he would say well you are spending a lot of time with her, you must want her, and I'd say no I enjoy having a friend to do things with our kids together...and he would say well she is hot so you can't blame me for having the thought, come on tell me you never think of it, and I would say, not until you mentioned it, no, and now it is disruptive to the time I spend with her, so please stop and don't mention that again, she is a friend and I do not want to have sex with her, not alone and not in a threesome. Then he would say, well, how about me and her then? At which point I would say, please stop, you are going too far and this is upsetting to me. He would say, I was only joking, you can't take a joke.  

I'm really coming up empty in terms of fantasies. 
I'm stuck in grade school when it comes to that. 
But come to think of it, I DID used to have fantasies but it was a real long time ago when I was a kid. I used to have a fantasy about that kid who was the Rifleman's son, on t.v. he was real cute and rode a horse quite well  Then life happened, and my fantasies became escaping and growing up and having a healthy married/adult/intimate relationship. I had two weeks of that, and I think even that might have missed the mark, so want to try again.

This fantasy thing seems to be a key. I misplaced my ability to fantasize, but I am real sure I used to have it, if I can find the path to where the ability is, I'll be a happy camper.

Please add info if you can offer any.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

lamaga said:


> I dunno, I'm female and I have sexual fantasies.


Same here!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I think alot of women fantisize about the romance part.
how prince charming sweeps them off their feet even thought they are rejecting or making him wait with lot of sexuall tension and then finally when they do have sex its mind blowing because this fictional man knows just what she likes and will let her crap all over him but because he loves her unconditionaly he just keeps take her crap and then have undieing desire for her.

and then the real world smacks her in the face


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

LOL chillymorn
I know what you mean.

Until somewhere along the way, I had a long time partner that wasn't marriage material, but we dated for a few years.

We had a comfort level in the bedroom. Fantasies were allowed to be thought of, and it felt safe to express them. 

Before that period of time in my life, I felt the same way as Homemaker. Ewwww. That's not right. Those kinds of thought never ocurred to me. 

IDK, it's like once you feel safe and comfortable, your mind feels free to express it.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> I think alot of women fantisize about the romance part.
> how prince charming sweeps them off their feet even thought they are rejecting or making him wait with lot of sexuall tension and then finally when they do have sex its mind blowing because this fictional man knows just what she likes and will let her crap all over him but because he loves her unconditionaly he just keeps take her crap and then have undieing desire for her.
> 
> and then the real world smacks her in the face


I love to fantasize but never have about anything to that effect. Lots of women out there don't need or want a prince charming type. To me it's unappealing on many different levels. I think the prince charming fantasy is more prevalent in young women. Like high school age, before the reality of life hits lol.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I never had any fantasies that involved being swept off my feet or crapping all over a guy. When I was abandoned by parents I went right to work, literally. I never fantasized even about getting married and I think this might have confused a lot of men I dated until I did want to get married. I was on a completely different page altogether, even now I don't fantasized about getting swept off my feet, in my mind having a relationship is an issue of letting someone into my life and sharing, and being let into someone else's life and sharing...but not intruding or sucking up all available time and losing the ability to be one's self. 

My early reading involved characters like Ali Baba, or characters like Kim in Rudyard Kipling's book, or The Boxcar Children, The Secret Garden. Stuff like Snow White I would be like, wow, I don't know about keeping house for 7 grown men who are dwarves, it sounds really intrusive and highly sketchy. When reading stuff like Cinderella I'd think, hmmmm, did she have no friends to get hand me down dresses from as I did...and what if she did not like the Prince, or wasn't attracted to him, just because the shoe fits she has got to marry him, and high heel shoes are usually so uncomfortable and why do women wear them, they can't wear them in the woods or to ride a bicycle (I learned differently in China, lol, little old ladies go everywhere in high heel shoes, including walking up mountains...and up on the Great Wall) and they always complain about how they hurt. In effect, I had no fantasies about any of those princess stories. When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I would be an Indian and braid my hair and I made a spear out of a long stick, stripping the bark off and whittling in designs and coloring in with berry juice. My brother taunted me that it would not work well as a spear and even if it did I would have bad aim so he stood still while I threw and proved him otherwise (my brothers all molested me from an early age) and threw it true and he ended up getting stitches I think. My mother took my spear away from me, later my hair was cut so no more braids, she put it in a big braid and I got a pixie cut and she took the braid and put it in a drawer where she kept journals and stuff...

I have been growing my hair long. Yesterday it was good to be out on the river paddling, like a real Indian. (I am part native American, on my father's side...) I guess if I had to have a fantasy it would be something like being an Indian, but not Pocohantas who became White and went to England. I would instead capture and convert a missionary, lol. Oh wait, there was a film made about a woman who did capture a Mormon missionary and tried to 'rescue' him...so scratch that! ROFL.

I have been growing my hair out 
Pow-wow is happening in a month or so! 
In my fantasy I am wearing war paint.
In reality there is a bow and arrows by my bed. 
What's up with that?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Probably once I am able to have more confidence in my assessment of someone's personality it would be easier to indulge in fantasies. Fantasies involve knowing for sure who your partner is, before you can transform him/her into being 'different' in your mind...have the experience (or leave it as a fantasy) and then get back to the core being of your partner.


This to me makes perfect sense. I'm married to the most predictable nice guy you'd ever want to meet. He works, he comes home, he helps with the kids, with the housework, there are very few surprises when it comes to him and given MY abusive background that is comforting to me. I NEED that stability in my life. I know who he is and I feel safe with him.

So then when we do go to bed I can play out whatever fantasy I want in my head surrounding him and sex to have fun. Because I know as soon as it's over we will cuddle, he will tell me he loves me and then the next day it's back to work, kids, housework and well life. 

I can see how someone like you would need that anchor to be able to play out fantasies. I need it too.


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

Chillymorn - I think you hit the nail on the head! Women fantasize about a knight in shinning armour sweeping her off her feet and riding off into the sunset where they live happily ever after etc.

Men, on the other hand, fantasize about his wife giving him a bj in the car, or having anal sex with her or making love to her in the sea.

I certainly have these fantasies....I wish they would all become reality with my wife....but sadly that wasnt the hand I was dealt.

If any of my fantasies come true, they will be with someone else.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

For me, I fantasize in three ways.

A) I fantasize about having sex when I'm in the mood, especially if I've been in the mood for a few days and haven't had the opportunity to be with my wife.

B) I fantasize about things I used to get but don't get much or at all anymore (such as oral sex).

C) I fantasize about things I'd like to try.

All of these fantasize include my fiancee. I want her and only her. I want a happy, fulfilling, positive sex life with my wife. I think that's all most men want, is to be happy with their partner.

I forget who it was, maybe Aristotle, but one poster here said they want 'enthusiasm' from their partner. I think that's really what most men fantasize about, enthusiasm. Having your woman crave you and desire you and look forward to being with you is more of a turn on than anything most times. Nothing kills a sex life (and potentially relationship) faster than having your wife go three weeks without even so much as looking in your direction, then if you ask her about sex she sighs and says something like "I guess so."


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Kings, that's exactly right.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Unhappy2011 said:


> Of course women don't fantasize about sex. Only those men do that.
> 
> On an unrelated note, a book called "50 shades of Grey" is flying off the shelves.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


some people might want to read 'My Secret Garden' by Nancy Friday!!

My fantasies are based in reality, so for example going for a job interview and being banged across the desk

or someone coming to do my garden and mowing my lawn GOOD

no romance for Dolly ha ha


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> For me, I fantasize in three ways.
> 
> A) I fantasize about having sex when I'm in the mood, especially if I've been in the mood for a few days and haven't had the opportunity to be with my wife.
> 
> ...


That just about answers the question , why do men have fantasies.
Robin Thickie said it best in his song.
" Lost Without You."

Robin Thicke - Lost Without U - YouTube


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> This to me makes perfect sense. I'm married to the most predictable nice guy you'd ever want to meet. He works, he comes home, he helps with the kids, with the housework, there are very few surprises when it comes to him and given MY abusive background that is comforting to me. I NEED that stability in my life. I know who he is and I feel safe with him.
> 
> So then when we do go to bed I can play out whatever fantasy I want in my head surrounding him and sex to have fun. Because I know as soon as it's over we will cuddle, he will tell me he loves me and then the next day it's back to work, kids, housework and well life.
> 
> I can see how someone like you would need that anchor to be able to play out fantasies. I need it too.


I think I'm narrowing down to the cause of my fantasy-deprivation-syndrome. 

I've realized that a lot of my fantasy play in childhood was with my brothers, and that it usually ended in them molesting me. Except when we were playing with the neighborhood kids, who were all boys and very sweet and protective of me <3 

And there is also another more grave issue and that is a huge trigger with me...my mother covered up the abuse going on at home with her pretending of everything being okay, good Catholic family, no abuse going on here...and she would tell us what to tell the neighbors about what was going on, what the 'story' was to cover it all up when my father disappeared...she would tell lies and so forth and expect us to either shut up or lie too. Usually I shut up...for years speaking up in class was an issue, as a child I was brought to a specialty clinic to figure out why I was mute and in my own world most of the time (my world was real, protected from my mother's world in which I had to tag along, she hosted tea parties and so forth, expected me to dust and keep house for her, I did her dinner cooking when she went to 'work' to be a professional woman, organized her office to 'help her out' did mailings and filing and so forth...the grunt work while she was playing office with her business partner...or not speaking up at school where I went before where she taught, keeping the cover...etc.) So when someone starts talking untruths, it doesn't matter to me if it's for a fantasy or to cover something up, when someone says something that involves me and it's not true I get some kind of knee-jerk reaction that says ALARM ALARM...it's kind of like being controlled by that computer Hal in Space Odyssey 2001 where your life gets taken over by an alternate reality that's in total control of the 'truth'. I start to kind of panic when someone starts in on stuff like that...

And when I start in on stuff like that myself, I catch myself because I NEVER allowed myself to have false hopes about my future, I knew it would depend on keeping my cool and my wits about me and staying absolutely sober and on top of my game so that I could get and retain jobs and not lose my money squandering it on stupid stuff that's marketed as a way to a better life/happiness, etc. I am a reality girl. I actually like reality, it's not dismal at all to me. Security for me as I said to someone recently, is rent that can be paid in a safe place with a decent landlord, not a mortgage that I hope to be able to pay when I land a job that's not even advertised...I am not a fake it til you make it kind of person at all, I am the real thing and I like the real thing.

The reason my boyfriend got in my panties and got to start talking fantasies with me and so forth (and said to me his dreams were coming true...) is that he told me when I proposed to him on Sadie Hawkins Day that no consolation prize for me (if he refused offer), I was getting the REAL THING and he was no Indian giver, he wasn't going to be taking anything back (pardon for any racial slur, it was his words I'm quoting that were said/written privately to me at the time...) So I felt assured that he was the real thing, he agreed with me about material possessions and getting real substance out of life. I knew I could count on him to be present in reality...until he fell into a coma as a result of a brain hemorrhage and had to have emergency surgery...he's still in reality but in a rehab facility and his sister has guardianship of him and she INSISTS I was not his girlfriend (telling stories - major TRIGGER) and now is leaving voicemail for me that if his silver belt buckle and kayak do not turn up (I have no clue where these things are...) she will have no choice to report them as stolen to the police...so there she is saying she is going to make a report that I stole something that I didn't...her fantasy obviously (delusion) a story that she is putting out there as some kind of truth about me that is not true and there is no substance to it....kind of like my mother used to do.

So that's probably why I am so leery about fantasies and wanting to know how to tell safe/sane from unsafe/insane (my ex was obviously unsafe...) and also about my own fantasies...of course I fantasize about this woman being removed as my friend's guardian and found unfit and being fined and brought up to criminal charges for filing a false/harassing report with the police... LOL. I guess it's not true that I don't fantasize...but one thing I covered in therapy when my ex was deployed and I spent a whole year in therapy, is not to do any advance thinking about stuff and how it's going to play out...and not to anticipate...because of course the flip side of that fantasy is that I also have to cover the scenario where I will be brought into the police station and have to make statements and be investigated and do heaps of paperwork and produce witnesses and so forth, and that's all stressful....and I did talk to a criminal investigator licensed and bonded yesterday that I met BY CHANCE on the river, he was with my group that I went with...this was right before the talk with my friend about fantasies which got me thinking WHY am I fantasy deficient?

So, I'm doing real well because I'm envisioning myself with some warpaint and running through the woods and over fields in bare feet in my doeskin skirt with the leggings that have beads on leather strings flying out behind me... actually I do often walk through the fields down to the river in my home town and talk my shoes off and just merge in with nature... with my dog along...have been known to run down the path on the opposite side of the river just out meandering...I wonder what would happen if someone caught me out there with warpaint on my face and my hair in braids, lol. 

I can't wait next year for the French and Indian war (it's a re-enactment in a nearby town...the only unrealistic part of it is when they tell the dead to rise and walk after the battle they have in the field with real muskets and real ammo (there is a line of demarcation the spectators can't cross...and it is HIGHLY choreographed but these are NOT precision instruments, those guys out there are kind of taking some chances :-o . They have an encampment, maybe I can find myself a Frenchman :smthumbup: I do speak French, have spent loads of time in Quebec. lol. Might bring something to trade.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> some people might want to read 'My Secret Garden' by Nancy Friday!!
> 
> My fantasies are based in reality, so for example going for a job interview and being banged across the desk
> 
> ...


:rofl:

Miss Dolly,
Thanks for the laugh!
But you brought back some good memories of me and my W.
Some years ago she used to ask me to " mow her lawn " on a regular basis,which I would always kindly oblige.
It would start of with her legs hanging off the side of our bed , me with razor and warm ,wet towel in hand. Then it ended up with her legs locked around my neck squeezing ,shaking and screaming.............


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

ha ha awesome
I used to read a book until he'd nearly finished.....


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> some people might want to read 'My Secret Garden' by Nancy Friday!!
> 
> My fantasies are based in reality, so for example going for a job interview and being banged across the desk
> 
> ...


That Dolly is sofa king hot.


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## Double Trouble (Jun 5, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> For me, I fantasize in three ways.
> 
> A) I fantasize about having sex when I'm in the mood, especially if I've been in the mood for a few days and haven't had the opportunity to be with my wife.
> 
> ...


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## Double Trouble (Jun 5, 2012)

I agree with kingsfan. He nailed it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

So then if I'm enthusiastic say about wearing that dress that I could be turned upside down in, I'm good on the fantasy front?


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i have sexual and non-sexual fantasies. mine are about a 
wonderful stable, loving guy, and then maybe car sex.

not saying my husband isnt loving, stable, or anything...

but a nice bubble bath, with dinner made, and nice sex is something we would have to plan down to the last detail....kids and all..so thats the way i would fantasize.

i dont know if i have ever really only had sexual fantasies, i think its always been the love side too.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> some people might want to read 'My Secret Garden' by Nancy Friday!!


That was a good book but I think she did a real disservice to men and any women wanting to understand their fantasies with her companion book "Men in Love".

She focussed entirely on the most perverse whacked out fantasies men ever had as if they were the norm for men in general.

I`d never even thought about fantasizing about any male fantasy mentioned in the book yet there it was for the world to see that all men really want to **** their mothers while wearing a dirty diaper.

There was some kind of agenda going on there for sure.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Well, I will sleep tight next to my bow and arrows tonight. ;-)
I do like dresses...have got quite a few dance dresses now I've found at bargain prices at thrift stores. I'm sure they're the object of at least somebody's fantasy when I wear them. It's unavoidable. It's just that I'll never know. How unfair is that!
But I still wear them. My kids are :-o at the red tango dress. I should wear it more often when they are getting out of hand...it seems to really intimidate them, for some reason!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Hmmmm, Dolly I have fantasized about a hypothetical man who could help me with my grooming, but not about the actual grooming experience. I just groom, for grooming's sake.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Probably fantasies are like everything else. 
You have to decide to work on them and cultivate them along, keep what works and move on from what doesn't. 
I'm pretty sure I identified all the barriers to fantasy deficiency syndrome today, wow it only took one day to figure them out.
Funny how something in adulthood can go all the way back to childhood play acting leading to abuse and a mother's state of delusion and her fantasy world that was incredibly troubling.
I'm good now, knowledge is power.
Thanks everyone!


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I fantasise all the time. Now they just all involve my boyfriend. I tell him about them and he tells me his, our fantasies are so well matched its like we were meant to be together. I love that.

However I do think fantasies can be bad if they are about other parties or ridiculously unrealistic porn based sex or Disney romance. most women I know of don't fantasise about Disney romance though, they fantasise about good sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keylogger (May 23, 2012)

i am too...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Oops, I'd forgot about THAT fantasy. Remembered it today while I was out and about. HOW could I have forgotten it, and then said I was fantasy-deficient? :-o


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