# A lonely husband of a rehabilitating wife.....



## DesperateHusband89

My wife is currently going through rehab as we speak. Her and I have been together for the greater part of 4 years and coming up on our second anniversary. Since her and I started dating I had noticed that she had issues expressing her emotion or even being connected towards a relationship. Even the first time we went out, right after I took her back to her room she went to have sex with a guy she had been seeing for sex for the past few months. Her and I dated for about 2 months before we inevitably broke up. I had surgery on my ankle and hadnt been able to walk or do too much which she took care of me but was too much to ask for in the very beginning of an already shaky relationship. When she came to break up with me I couldnt say anything to her because I had feelings for her but felt ashamed at the way I had been and due to my ankle and not being able to go anywhere or really do anything. A couple days later she called me demanding to come pick up the last few things that I had left at her place. Later I had found out it was because she was having her ex come visit her. 

A few months later she had contacted me while she had been drinking and once again we started back talking this time it developed into a purely sexual relationship, which at first I was ok with. But then she decided that there needed to be "rules". And they were as followed; No kissing, No talking (during sex that is), and only in the dark. The majority of the times we did have sex we were usually drinking. As you could imagine this led to something with a heartbeat, our first child our son. Before I found out that I had gotten her pregnant her and I had a really bad splitting due to my disgust in the way that I felt the first time we had sex with the rules implied. Once she told me she was pregnant her and I decided to give things another try. So we got together and once we moved in things we ok. 

But then once more she hadnt been showing any signs of emotional feelings or affection of any sort. So it is to my regret to this day that I had developed an emotional relationship with someone who I had known for quite sometime. Well we went to visit her mom and things actually picked up somewhat and then she told me she loved me. Which Ive had women tell me that and do some of the worse things as well. So I think when she told me that, I hate to say, I dont think I took it seriously. She forgave me, but Im also ashamed to say that this wasnt the first time it happened. Ive never actually physically cheated with another woman but Ive reached out for it before never gone through with it though. Since my wife and I have dated shes been a drinker, before we started dating as well honestly. It had progressively gotten worse more recently she doesnt really go more than a week without drinking outside the time shes been pregnant with our kids. Her and I sex life has always been rather scarce outside her drinking. She said once before that shes always had no emotion really when it came to sex and that she didnt want sex to be the basis of our relationship. Once her and I had a really big fight and she said that 90% of the time she does think about sex, just not with me. Shes been at rehab for a little over a month. 

The past week or so she said that shes been thinking about sex more than anything and like crazy. She said its starting to get bad to where its both men and women shes thinking about sex with and shes not even bisexual. But she says that she doesnt think this way about me but she loves me alot but with the thoughts of others she wants sex and nothing else but with me its not like that. All i could think was that why doesnt my wife want me like that? Her therapist at rehab said that shes intrepersonal and has sexual compulsiveness. She says that she needs the feeling of being wanted and needed. She says that shes flirting with them but cant help it sometimes. I dont know what to do anymore....i feel like she has no sexual desires towards me at all but she says thats not the case. I really need some advice on the matter. I know this is a lot to read and I thank you whoever has read this thus far.


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## LongWalk

Please go back and add paragraphs to make it easier to read.

Your wife is complex person. Sounds as if she does not trust anyone she has sex with. She trusts you and there is putting you in the friend zone.

You need to respect yourself more and perhaps that will change her attitude towards you.

Does she want you to be her caregiver? Doesn't sound like a enjoyable marriage.


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## DesperateHusband89

Idk how she really feels. Shes been in rehab since Dec 9th. We talk maybe twice a day for like 10-15 mins. She says she loves me and wants to stay with me and everything.

I have alot of respect for myself I honestly just dont know what I should be doing to help her. I told her that I dont think its a good idea if her and I have sex for a while once she is back (I really hated saying that considering everytime I see her I want to rip her clothes off). 

Being put in the friendzone is literally what it feels like. I really feel like she just said " I love you but not in a sexual way" but it also makes me feel like Im being selfish cause of what shes currently going through.


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## LongWalk

I highly recommend GutPunch's thread to you.


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## LongWalk

Please read this thread: GutPunch


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## Ms. GP

It's normal to have your libido go into overdrive in early sobriety. Her brain chemistry is still messed up.and will be for a few more months.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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