# Oral - He'll take it but won't give it



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

My boyfriend of 4 years doesn't like to give oral, but loves to get it. I am becoming resentful. He claims he has never liked it, it's not me. Would you continue to give without getting? Why or why not?


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

How much of an effort is he making in other ways? If it's not much, then stop giving and tell him that he needs to make more of an effort if he wants you to resume and continue making an effort.

If that doesn't work, get a better boyfriend!


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Laralie said:


> My boyfriend of 4 years doesn't like to give oral, but loves to get it. I am becoming resentful. He claims he has never liked it, it's not me. Would you continue to give without getting? Why or why not?



After 22 years, my wife doesn't like to give. She like to receive. She claims her jaw gets tired after a minute or so...I love giving oral though. I just wish she would shave below...


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> How much of an effort is he making in other ways? If it's not much, then stop giving and tell him that he needs to make more of an effort if he wants you to resume and continue making an effort.
> 
> If that doesn't work, get a better boyfriend!


I agree.. If I knew she would still be this way after all these years, as well as her low libido, I would of moved on...

I know from experience that the resentments will continue to grow...


How important is it to you Laralie?


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

It's becoming more and more of an issue. I am becoming resentful and I don't like that. 

It's not just the oral either. He's fun, witty, and loving, but the sex is boring. God knows I've bought every toy in the store (which he won't even go to, someone might see him, WTF?). Hasn't helped really.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

I'd say he puts in a great deal of effort in other areas. He just seems to lack the passion for sex. He's very affectionate and loving, but he's definitely LD and I'm HD. 

Who's standard excuse for no sex is I"M TIRED? I'm so sick of hearing that.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

He's just not that interested in sex. At least, not with you.


----------



## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Laralie said:


> I'd say he puts in a great deal of effort in other areas. He just seems to lack the passion for sex. He's very affectionate and loving, but he's definitely LD and I'm HD.
> 
> Who's standard excuse for no sex is I"M TIRED? I'm so sick of hearing that.


Sounds like he and I need to trade places. I give, but the wife doesn't.


----------



## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

It doesn't sound like you are compatible. He's clearly not a sexual person. He seems almost grossed out by the carnal aspect, so it makes sense that he's LD.

Are you sure you want to stay with a LD guy? Sexual compatibility is one of the foundations of a successful relationship, in my opinion.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> He's just not that interested in sex. At least, not with you.


He says he's tired every night. I guess I should thank God for sex on Sunday mornings.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I personally could not be in a relationship with a man who would not go down on me. It's a dealbreaker for me.

Why? Because it' something I adore. 

Four years is a very long time. I seriously doubt he will start loving to do it if he never has in the past.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Omego said:


> It doesn't sound like you are compatible. He's clearly not a sexual person. He seems almost grossed out by the carnal aspect, so it makes sense that he's LD.
> 
> Are you sure you want to stay with a LD guy? Sexual compatibility is one of the foundations of a successful relationship, in my opinion.


No I'm not sure I want to stay with an LD guy. Other than the sex, we are very compatible.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> I personally could not be in a relationship with a man who would not go down on me. It's a dealbreaker for me.
> 
> Why? Because it' something I adore.
> 
> Four years is a very long time. I seriously doubt he will start loving to do it if he never has in the past.


It's an optional thing for me. I like it, but it's certainly not a deal breaker. Once every few months would be Ok, not ideal, but ok. The thing is, he's extremely good at it the 4 times (yes I counted) he has done it. I should say he gets it at least 2 times a week. But that can and probably will change real soon.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I'd greatly say that if a partner refuses to give, then they're simply scratching themselves right off of the recipients list!

But in retrospect, that may just be what they're wanting! 

And if that is truly the case, why subject yourself to being in a loving relationship in the first place?*


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Laralie said:


> It's an optional thing for me. I like it, but it's certainly not a deal breaker. Once every few months would be Ok, not ideal, but ok. The thing is, he's extremely good at it the 4 times (yes I counted) he has done it. I should say he gets it at least 2 times a week. But that can and probably will change real soon.


Well which is it? You are saying you are growing resentful over it and he doesn't want to do it and never really has. 

If he has never been into it before, it is silly to expect him to be magically into it now. He has shown you for four years he is willing to take a blow job but not go down on you.

Four times a year? Would never work for me.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It just greatly seems that a person would find out about things like this, say, during their courtship period, and if it continued to be prevalent, that's when and where it should be summarily exercised as the "deal-breaker" that it should really potentially be ~ just sayin'!*


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

:iagree:


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Well which is it? You are saying you are growing resentful over it and he doesn't want to do it and never really has.
> 
> If he has never been into it before, it is silly to expect him to be magically into it now. He has shown you for four years he is willing to take a blow job but not go down on you.
> 
> Four times a year? Would never work for me.


:iagree:

Is this a deal breaker or not?


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Laralie said:


> It's an optional thing for me. I like it, but it's certainly not a deal breaker. Once every few months would be Ok, not ideal, but ok. The thing is, he's extremely good at it the 4 times (yes I counted) he has done it. I should say he gets it at least 2 times a week. But that can and probably will change real soon.


This is my thinking many many years ago. Everything else was just fine back then. My thinking was if we were married, it would improve.... Why would I think something so crazy...

If you are already resentful, this will just fester and eat you up inside... I don't believe its an optional thing for you. It's just something you accept...

2X a week vs 4X a year? I know how you feel


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Trickster said:


> If you are already resentful, this will just fester and eat you up inside... I don't believe its an optional thing for you. It's just something you accept...


Ding ding ding!


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Speaking as a woman in your same situation, GET OUT NOW!

I'm HD and my husband is LD and also doesn't like giving me oral. 

It's just not worth it. This will continue to build and make you more resentful and cause other problems. 

Thank your lucky stars you aren't married, get out, and find a man who loves to please you.

If you don't believe me you can read my 100+ page story of struggling with this issue.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/98817-ld-husband-journal.html


----------



## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

have you explained this to him in a non-emotional way? Offering one way and not getting the return seems like room to negotiate? 

I wish my W would let me more than 1/month.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Laralie said:


> It's an optional thing for me. I like it, but it's certainly not a deal breaker. Once every few months would be Ok, not ideal, but ok. The thing is, he's extremely good at it the 4 times (yes I counted) he has done it. I should say he gets it at least 2 times a week. But that can and probably will change real soon.


you might think its optional thing for you now but a long term marriage of not getting something you desie will buil resentment.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Is this a deal breaker or not?


No I said it was not a deal breaker. I would like it to be an option.

Chilly - that's what I'm concerned about, becoming resentful.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Trickster said:


> This is my thinking many many years ago. Everything else was just fine back then. My thinking was if we were married, it would improve.... Why would I think something so crazy...
> 
> If you are already resentful, this will just fester and eat you up inside... I don't believe its an optional thing for you. It's just something you accept...
> 
> 2X a week vs 4X a year? I know how you feel


I know marriage will not improve anything. I was married a long time, and he loved giving oral. The sad thing was he was horrible at it! I hate irony.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Speaking as a woman in your same situation, GET OUT NOW!
> 
> I'm HD and my husband is LD and also doesn't like giving me oral.
> 
> ...


Curious - I can't read all that right now. Why don't YOU get out?


----------



## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

Laralie said:


> No I'm not sure I want to stay with an LD guy. * Other than the sex, we are very compatible*.


Unless you are LD, or sex isn't important to you, no, you are not very compatible.

Take a look around this site and you'll see many many troubled relationships and rocky marriages, with people who "other than sex, are very compatible"

He will not change. If you marry him accept receiving oral sex will likely be off the table, and decide if you can be happy with that. It really doesn't matter what everyone else would accept...it's your life. Just make sure you are realistic about what's in store.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

The biggest problem is the frequency of sex. Apparently you would rather be in the relationship with a LD man than not. You've done it for 4 yrs. 

He is not suddenly going to become HD. In fact his drive may decrease over time. Marriage will not change anything. can you be satisfied by the other things he brings to the relationship besides sex? 

Why are you servicing him 2 times a week instead of having mutually satisfying sex? ? He is not LD if he has orgasms 2 times a week. You are the one in a LD partnership. You imposed this on yourself. 

If you want sexual satisfaction 2 times a week then stop servicing him and have mutually enjoyable sex instead. If he loses interest in sex with you then you know that he is not interested in you. He is using you for bj. 

You can stay in that situation or leave and find someone else. Never give more than you get. It leads to being used.


----------



## last worthless evening (Feb 11, 2014)

Laralie said:


> My boyfriend of 4 years doesn't like to give oral, but loves to get it. I am becoming resentful. He claims he has never liked it, it's not me. Would you continue to give without getting? Why or why not?


I'm sorry - that is just selfish on his part. I think oral sex in some ways is the most intimate and giving of all forms of sexual expression - and is pretty much a way of purely giving to your SO, concentrating solely on their pleasure (ok, not totally altruistic - I love seeing the pleasure it gives to my wife). Even if he is LD, this is something should be easy to do (you don't need to get your tongue hard). I just love doing this, could do for hours, if my wife could take it for that long.


----------



## Baablacksheep (Aug 29, 2013)

Lets see, he gets oral twice a week and she has to settle for sex on Sunday morning ? Yea something's fishy here !!!!


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Just stop giving bj and let him come to you. Tell him that you decided that you don't care to give him orgasms 2 time a week. See what he says. 

Then have a discussion about why he thinks that is ok? Let him know he has taken a lot for granted and did not appreciate what he had. 

If he can't give an explanation that is satisfactory and will not gladly satisfy you then have sex on Sun. While you are at it, make exit plans and leave when its convenient for you. 

A man too lazy to satisfy you is not worth what you put into the relationship. 

You'll have no problems finding another partner. He probably won't get a bj the rest of his life. Poor thing had it good and didn't know it. All he had to do was take the time to give as much as he got.


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

I never realized that sex would be so important after all these years...

As a man, I love giving oral, more than receiving. More than anything I want to give my wife pleasure... i can't imaging a man not wanting to give oral to his woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Trickster said:


> I never realized that sex would be so important after all these years...
> 
> As a man, I love giving oral, more than receiving. More than anything I want to give my wife pleasure... i can't imaging a man not wanting to give oral to his woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's because you love her and you are a compassionate and loving person.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I've been struggling w/ wanting to say something vs. not wanting to share too much in this thread, and I've finally decided to just come out w/ it...

I *love* giving my wife oral. Seriously, I am almost obsessed w/ it. If she'd let me, I'd give it to her (at least) three times a day. And, if she could handle more than one orgasm at a time (she gets very sensitive post-O), I'd probably do it until my damn jaw fell off. It is just so amazingly erotic, intimate, and sensual. Her scent, her taste, the way that she moans, writhes, and moves her hips... 

Ugh, I need a cold shower.

Sorry. This probably doesn't help you but seriously, I just don't understand how any guy could be anything less than just absolutely enthusiastic about doing this for his wife or significant other.

End rant.


----------



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I played that game for 18 years and then I couldn't do it anymore. I will never give another blow job if I feel taken for granted or the sexual scale is tipped. 

My DH did start giving me regular oral but it is not something he enjoys doing. So I don't get my first choice, having someone do it because they like it, but I second choice, getting oral as an act of love, not of lust. 

I just wouldn't do it again. If I ever did find myself single I would have a pretty stringent list of dealbreakers. But I'm not, I'm 20 years into a relationship and that's the way it is.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

MissScarlett said:


> I played that game for 18 years and then I couldn't do it anymore. I will never give another blow job if I feel taken for granted or the sexual scale is tipped.
> 
> My DH did start giving me regular oral but it is not something he enjoys doing. So I don't get my first choice, having someone do it because they like it, but I second choice, getting oral as an act of love, not of lust.
> 
> I just wouldn't do it again. If I ever did find myself single I would have a pretty stringent list of dealbreakers. But I'm not, I'm 20 years into a relationship and that's the way it is.


I didn't feel it was tipped or that I was being used. I actually enjoy the act of giving a BJ and swallowing of course! Lately, I'm slipping down that resentment slope. Maybe my dealbreaker list is way too damn short.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Hey GUS....thanks .... really.


----------



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I never felt used either until the day things changed. He never asked for oral ever in all those years. I gave willingly but it's something I can't do any longer unless things feel balanced between us.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

That's it exactly MissScarlett.


----------



## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

I am with Gus on this one.. the other day - well, I should not go into details. I would have to use too many *** and %%% 


I think it is time to sum up...

You have dated a guy for four years - so you are really just getting to know him, because you haven't made any mention of getting hitched.

So now you have discovered that he is sexually selfish. 

Really, think about it, whether or not he likes to do something is not the point here. He is good at something and he withholds it from you. He also uses "I'm tired" as another withholding excuse.

So you now that you know this about him what are you going to do about it? So many of the responses saw this right away. Now you need to see it and decide what you are going to do about it. Your resentment is only going to grow in this area.

I would not want to be with someone who did not love giving me oral, because I would see it as a lack of empathy on their part, and a measure of their selfishness. That is my opinion.


----------



## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

*Heavy sigh....


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Sparky Jim - Totally agree. I can't see what I don't want to acknowledge. I love the guy, I don't want to admit that he's a selfish lover, maybe a selfish person.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

Accipiter777 said:


> *Heavy sigh....


Talk to me Accipiter....what ?


----------



## Fabiovelli (May 3, 2014)

I see this all too often and yet it is so simple to never let it get to the point of score keeping and using these acts as weapons or punishment.
Oral sex on my partner starts way before hand. Perhaps with a sensual foot massage after a long day. Take care of that need then slowly work up the legs, the calves and thighs. By the time the act starts happening the relaxation has begun and the trust is there that the right things will continue. 

As I begin I take cues from her body. Her movements, her breathing, etc. I take my time so that she may have all the time she needs. I'm not digging in to a big giant hamburger, I am settling in to a 5 course meal, each course to be enjoyed in its own way.

The FURTHEST thing from my mind is anticipating a blow Job as soon as she goes "ooh baby yeah".

As a matter of fact I usually wait until next time or whenever she is ready so that this night is all about her. I love nothing better but to slowly slide up her body, made a little slippery from a fine sheen of sweat, and whisper in her ear how wonderful she is and how thrilled I am to share this intimate moment.

As I am staring in her eyes at this point, and seeing her glowing with satisfaction, a blow job is the farthest thing from my mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

Laralie said:


> Talk to me Accipiter....what ?


If I go down on my wife... i am resentful after.
if i don't, i feel guilty for not doing it. 
I love oral... giving and receiving. 
she loves (at least it SOUNDS like she loves) it.
last time i did was valentines day.... 

its just not in the cards.

I accepted it 25 years ago... it is taking a toll as of late.

Its ashame... we've come so far in terms of sex.

hence the heavy sigh.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Due to past sexual abuse my wife would not engage in any form of oral sex for at least 7 years. (I only found out about the extent f the abuse after we were married.) I tried to be okay with it, but the resentment grew and grew (and it wasn't one-sided like your situation). Had I known the extent, I probably would not have gotten married. 

After many years of therapy, we have just this year started engaging in oral sex again. And yet, I'm still struggling with resentment. I advise you to address this issue NOW!


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Fabiovelli said:


> I see this all too often and yet it is so simple to never let it get to the point of score keeping and using these acts as weapons or punishment.
> Oral sex on my partner starts way before hand. Perhaps with a sensual foot massage after a long day. Take care of that need then slowly work up the legs, the calves and thighs. By the time the act starts happening the relaxation has begun and the trust is there that the right things will continue.
> 
> As I begin I take cues from her body. Her movements, her breathing, etc. I take my time so that she may have all the time she needs. I'm not digging in to a big giant hamburger, I am settling in to a 5 course meal, each course to be enjoyed in its own way.
> ...


That seems way too romance novel to be practical on a regular basis.


----------



## Fabiovelli (May 3, 2014)

Sometimes my life seems somewhat like a romance novel. I am a romantic.

It's not hard to do this on a regular basis. Depends on your definition I guess. Once a week? 3 times a month?

It doesn't need to happen this way every time, just often enough to make her feel special and let her know my focus is on her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GIM003 (Feb 5, 2014)

Laralie said:


> Sparky Jim - Totally agree. I can't see what I don't want to acknowledge. I love the guy, I don't want to admit that he's a selfish lover, maybe a selfish person.


If you love him then you owe it to yourself to talk about this before you write him off. He may be more clueless than selfish.

"Maybe a selfish person"? Are there warning signs elsewhere in your relationship?


----------



## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

This morn... she laid in front of me... all i could think of was wanting to go downtown. I didnt. I guess the guilt is not as bad as resentment. if it were my face would be a glazed donut by now. Well... i suppose it is what it is.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Laralie said:


> My boyfriend of 4 years doesn't like to give oral, but loves to get it. I am becoming resentful. He claims he has never liked it, it's not me. Would you continue to give without getting? Why or why not?



That's odd. I love giving oral when Mrs.CuddleBug allows it, which is usually never. I don't like that because I love to give and receive and 69 to completion for the both of us, at the same time, HOT. Never happens with her. But she loves to give me BJ's, really good with her tongue and always swallows.

Only reasons I can think of why he isn't into giving you oral and to orgasm.

- he doesn't have the stamina, takes him too long
- he doesn't like the scent
- he doesn't like how it looks
- he has never done oral for his past gf's, never really done it
- he doesn't know what he's doing, no experience, insecure

Why not buy yourself a small vib, silver bullet, use it on yourself and have him give you oral at the same time? You would get the best of both worlds and it wouldn't take him a long time, stamina on his part and you would orgasm.

For myself, I love getting my tongue deep in there, gently sucking, nibbling and licking Mrs.CuddleBug, when she actually allows this to happen, and she enjoys it, depending on her mood, can and does orgasm. I love it.


----------



## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

i wouldn't have stuck around long enough to fall in love with someone not into oral. 

i've gone down on my share of men and women and enjoy it. i can't imagine it being off the table.


----------



## veryconfuzed (Apr 29, 2014)

First of all can someone tell me what's LD? It seem to be a popular acronym here. I googled what it means but the ones I see does not make sense with the way it is used in a sentence here.

What's HD? My guess is high drive? and LD -low drive?

Back to topic. My husband the first time we did it went down on me. I was shocked to death. He didn't ask for oral only maybe after less than a month of the marriage.

And then he specifically said he won't go down on me anymore if I don't do it back to him.

Ugh. Honestly I hate doing it. I can live without oral. But my husband likes it a LOT. So yeah I see it as a chore.

When he said he won't do it anymore to me. I really want to say. It's fine I really am not into it anyway. I haven't told him yet.

One thing's for sure, OP, he won't have oral unless he does it first to me, LOL. So I don't know how you lasted 4 years with one way like that. NO WAY!

By the way, I asked him if he does it to anyone he slept with he said yes.

So ya my husband is the unselfish lover type. Well until he asked for it in return.


----------



## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

cool12 said:


> i wouldn't have stuck around long enough to fall in love with someone not into oral.
> 
> i can't imagine it being off the table.



:smthumbup: This....


I don't get how someone can't love it. It's fun, it's sexy, it's primal...

I get my woman writhing and flowing like the Amazon... Too bad if that is too much information... get over it.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

sparkyjim said:


> :smthumbup: This....
> 
> 
> I don't get how someone can't love it. It's fun, it's sexy, it's primal...
> ...


Dude. YES. It is heady (NPI), _intoxicating_, and _*amazingly*_ _*erotic*_. If it weren't for the swaying, gasping, moaning, and... well, orgasms on her part, I'd almost think that I enjoy it more than she does. Seriously. I often get so turned on by it that I nearly climax myself. OK, TMI.

F*ck. I wish I weren't out of town this week.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

veryconfuzed said:


> First of all can someone tell me what's LD? It seem to be a popular acronym here. I googled what it means but the ones I see does not make sense with the way it is used in a sentence here.
> 
> What's HD? My guess is high drive? and LD -low drive?
> 
> ...



LD = low sex drive

HD = high sex drive

AD = Average sex drive


First of all, you should find your man hot and want sex with him and to please him, like he wants to please you.

If he loves oral sex, blow jobs from you, learn how to give great blow jobs. Not because its duty sex, but because you love him and want to please him sexually, like he wants to do for you.

You aren't your own anymore. You are to take care of his needs as your own and he is to take care of your needs as his own. Its no more only what I would like and want.

You may not like giving him blow jobs. Get over that and learn how to give him great blow jobs. You don't have to take him all the way in your mouth. You could just lick his tip and take him in partially. The fact that he likes and wants to give you oral sex is great.

Would you rather he wanted anal sex all the way in you instead of oral?

You should want to try new sexual things with him and learn how to do techniques you may not normally love to do.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Hi Laralie,

Though I enjoy giving, I also enjoy receiving, this sex thing should be largely reciprocal, although I don't think keeping a score in order to exchange like for like would be helpful. If I weren't getting any I probably wouldn't be giving any.

Four years will quickly become eight and then 16, if you are feeling resentful now, imagine how you will feel in years to come. You only have to read the tales of woe found on this forum to see where that goes. Misery is often the reward for those not willing to let bad things go.

So if he is unwilling/unable to love you that way it is highly unlikely he will improve in years to come. If you are happy with that then keep going with him, there probably won't be any surprises.

Since you're already not happy with that, ask for more. If he is willing through love for you he should be able to pleasure you that way often.

Love should be mutual and reciprocal, if you don't have that you should seriously consider letting him go.

Best.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Whether your husband is LD or HD and whether he likes to give oral are two separate issues. I'm VERY HD. I could have sex 3-4 a day EVERY SINGLE DAY no problem. I've been that way for ever. Never in my life have I had a problem getting it up or not had the energy to do it.

However, I don't really like giving oral either. To be honest, I hate the taste of it. I don't mind anything else, toys, whatever and even with just with my hand I've never had an issue getting a girl to finish. 

That said, I like bj's but I wouldn't really fault my SO if she didn't want to give them because I didn't return the favor. That only seems fair to me. And on occasion I'll perform oral to make her happy but again, like I said me personally, I'm just not a fan of it and I'm a horn dog.

So I guess my point is your husband has two problems being LD and not liking to give oral. It's not necessarily a cause and effect thing, as is being implied.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

resentment will build and build and eventually you will want sex less and less from him and he will start to build resentment until theres enough resentment on both sides to make a marriage unbearable.

this is not just in the case of oral or no oral it can be the case with all the discrepencies in a long term relationship.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> Whether your husband is LD or HD and whether he likes to give oral are two separate issues. I'm VERY HD. I could have sex 3-4 a day EVERY SINGLE DAY no problem. I've been that way for ever. Never in my life have I had a problem getting it up or not had the energy to do it.
> 
> However, I don't really like giving oral either. To be honest, I hate the taste of it. I don't mind anything else, toys, whatever and even with just with my hand I've never had an issue getting a girl to finish.
> 
> ...



I think you are correct, 2 issues, not necessarily related. I wish I didn't care about sex, but I do!


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Perhaps this is a case of

All people who don't like giving oral are not LD, but all LD people don't like giving oral?


----------



## rocksrock (May 16, 2014)

If you just stay this way long enough you'll get to the point that thats the last thing in the world you would want him to do. I've given countless, received 2. That's in 20 years. If its important do somthing about it, he will NOT someday decide to start enjoying it. 
And yes I was very resentful for many years. Now, I know its my fault for letting it happen. If he were to go down now I would hate every minute of it.


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I'm not sure if it's the act itself that is a problem as much as the imbalance. Twice a week versus four times a year??!? 

The fact you both like to receive oral but one is performing it 52 times as often as the other has got to lead to resentment. Combine that with the fact he's always 'tired' and I think this man is simply not that sexual.


----------



## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

Laralie said:


> I'd say he puts in a great deal of effort in other areas. He just seems to lack the passion for sex. He's very affectionate and loving, but he's definitely LD and I'm HD. Who's standard excuse for no sex is I"M TIRED? I'm so sick of hearing that.





Laralie said:


> No I'm not sure I want to stay with an LD guy. Other than the sex, we are very compatible.


Firstly, if you're regularly going down on him to completion a couple of times a week and then sex on Sundays was it, he's not LD. 

Secondly, you can be compatible on literally every single thing on the planet, but if you are not sexually compatible, your relationship will fall apart over time. I have lived it and it's a tragedy.


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Laralie said:


> My boyfriend of 4 years doesn't like to give oral, but loves to get it. I am becoming resentful. He claims he has never liked it, it's not me. Would you continue to give without getting? Why or why not?


I have given without getting for 41 years of marriage. It all comes down to what you are getting out of it yourself. 

If it is entirely an act of charity on your part (And there is nothing wrong with that) than giving without getting makes little sense.


----------



## m0nk (Mar 14, 2014)

Laralie said:


> No I'm not sure I want to stay with an LD guy. Other than the sex, we are very compatible.


This is something you need to articulate to him IMHO..


----------



## Jambri (Mar 19, 2013)

I can't relate at all to that. Giving a girl oral has always been an enormous thrill for me, not sure why any man wouldn't enjoy it.:scratchhead:


----------



## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

Laralie said:


> My boyfriend of 4 years doesn't like to give oral, but loves to get it. I am becoming resentful. He claims he has never liked it, it's not me. Would you continue to give without getting? Why or why not?



It depends on why you are giving to him. Are you doing it because you like to do it and you want to do it ? Or is it because he likes it and wants you to do it ? From your post it sounds like it is for him , not because you like doing it and want to do it. If that is the case then stop giving him head and you will stop feeling resentful for giving without receiving. 

If you are doing it because you like doing it then you should not feel resentful. I love to give oral to a woman. That is the reason i do it. Not because they like it. Although that makes me enjoy it even more. I could not be with a woman who does not give me head. I also could not be with a woman that did not want me to do it to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

