# I forgive my wife for being a human being.



## HailMary (Mar 3, 2009)

I know that title sounds weird, but listen...

A wise person told me recently that I just need to accept that my wife is human and that we all have within us, given the right internal or external circumstances, the ability to do things our loved ones or other people might find deplorable or wrong.

Who here hasn't done something that they regret? Who here hasn't done something that wasn't in their spouses best interest because it's what they themselves wanted.

I did a hell of a lot of that in my marriage. Does the sum of all that balance out what is happening now? I don't know, but that's not the point.

We are all human. We all have potential to do bad things. And those who think they don't are wrong.

And remember, the only person you can control or have any ability to change is the one that you see in the mirror.


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## DB in PA (Feb 25, 2009)

hello halmary. i agree. each relationship faces challenges that are due to each partner having a combined total of events that have the undesirable outcome. I can and will forgive my wife, but she does need to come clean and be willing to work on us and not continue to hide others from us


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Great! You married a human! And congratulations on justifying her affair. You may think you are being loving and considerate. I would dispute that. I think if you loved your wife, you would not let her defile your marriage. If she doesn't love you, let her go. You see right now she doesn't respect you in the least. And a woman will not remain with a man she does not respect. If you allow her to continue, you also have no respect for yourself. You cannot love her back into your marriage. The only way to do that is set boundaries. Set consequences for breaking those boundaries. And the internal strength to put things into action.
A lot of the time the priest will tell you not to rock the boat. Or in your wife's case. Just lie to you outright by not confessing. Let me alert you to the two types of sin. The first is the sin of commission. That's doing something wrong. The next is the sin of omission. That's not doing what is write. Your priest should go to confession for telling your wife not to confess her sin to you. That was his sin for failing to encourage her to do what is right. Do what you must. But understand that a marriage cannot live without love and respect.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Initfortheduration-
Which thread are you getting all this information about his priest from?


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## HailMary (Mar 3, 2009)

Init, there is no priest involved here. A priest didn't tell me this and a priest never told my wife to do anything, so I don't know where that came from. :scratchhead:

As for the rest of the sentiment. The reason I wrote this is because of some of the responses I got on my other post.

The amount of vitriol that seemed to get injected into the thread made me question why I posted in the first place. I was asking about how I might have handled things initially, and some people piled in saying that I had no self respect for not "reigning in my woman."

Well, let me tell you this before I leave. Trying to control somebody, trying to bend them to your will, acting as the judge and jailer, only pushes them farther away.

Like I said. The only person you can control is yourself. The only reactions you can control are your own. And the only person you can make better is yourself! 

And if that makes a difference to your spouse great, if not, well then you've made yourself a better person.

:iagree:

Why thank you little smiley man. You're the only one.
See ya!


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## blindsided (Nov 29, 2008)

I think you are being a little too black and white, here, initfortheduration. 

We ARE all human, and we all DO make mistakes. If there is no point in forgiving, for working things out, for salvaging a marriage or relationship, then WHAT THE HECK is this whole website for? 

I forgave too. Why? Because 27 years of being a good person was NOT negated by one stupid, selfish, horrible act. We aren't condoning the behavior....we are forgiving it.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

HailMary said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Why thank you little smiley man. You're the only one.
> See ya!


:iagree:

This smiley agrees with you too!


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

Everyone makes mistakes. Forgiveness is not destructive. 

I don't need to "punish" my wife... She is doing that all by herself.


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## HailMary (Mar 3, 2009)

Phew, my faith in humanity is restored by the last few posts.

Since this became a part of my thinking, I sleep better, I'm happier, and I feel I'll treat my wife better.

Is that wrong?

I don't know if my feelings go quite as far as your just yet, moogvo, but I do agree that it's not my job to punish or seek revenge. What a waste of energy.

Like I said, my wife is not a possession, and I'm sorry if I ever made her think I felt that way.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I apologize, I mixed threads. I guess it was the statue . Again I am sorry.


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## HailMary (Mar 3, 2009)

No problem. Thanks for coming back to explain


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Initfortheduration said:


> I apologize, I mixed threads. I guess it was the statue . Again I am sorry.


That's happened to me before too!  It's a good thing we're not surgeons, or we'd be mixing up our patients


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