# Where do you go ???



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Alright....all your posts got me thinking....

I'm supposed to cut off my husband in the bedroom.....I will try my hardest !!!!

I've read too that it would be smart to go out and do stuff for myself...

Now the question is.....where do I go ????

I do only have very few good friends that I'd want to hang out with and they all have family of some sort....so they're not an option....

The libraries are only open for a short while.....that won't work....

I can only go to the movies a couple of times a week (thank God for $ 1 movie theaters !!!!).....

Where do you go, what do you do to show your wife/husband that you are not moping around ????


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Go for a walk.
Get up early and go somewhere where you can see a beautiful sunrise.
Go to junk shops/antique stores and browse
Go to the YMCA or YWCA or county athletic center and join a free or cheap exercise program.
I don't know where you live, but if it's nice outside, go to a park and read a book while you watch kids play.
Go to church.
When W and were having problems and I just needed to be away from her, I went for a drive. I really enjoy my car and would just drive around for an hour.
go to Walmart and laugh at the way people are dressed.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Thanks !!!!

Any more ideas about evenings though ???

I work from 8-5 or later and after the kids are in bed (8 pm) I just hang around on the computer....always here, always available .....

I want him to kinda wonder where I'm going.....you know ?!?


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Get up a bit earlier and go for a walk or jog....give it 2 weeks and you will be a running machine... just 30 minutes can clear your head and be ready for the day!

I am knitting which helps me....go to a Borders and grab some tea and read a good book?? I started going to the gym today for the first time int he 30 days this went down....talk about feeling much better after! Take the kids downtown for soem ice cream, walk around, be a tourist, do things you wouldnt think of doing! What have you got to lose?? Just enjoy life. Volunteer?


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## philjohnson (Nov 3, 2010)

Shelly29 said:


> Get up a bit earlier and go for a walk or jog....give it 2 weeks and you will be a running machine... just 30 minutes can clear your head and be ready for the day!
> 
> Volunteer?


Totally. I have been on the treadmill almost EVERY morning for 30-60 minutes. It is very therapeutic and a good choice.

Today I went for a massage. The right masseuse will have an excellent ear. And the human touch is good for you. We all need platonic physical contact when a spouse has left.

Someone suggested the idea of volunteering to me, so I just signed up for an account at VolunteerMatch.com. I asked for more info on visiting homebound seniors for a couple hours/week. Who knows how God will use that? 

PJ


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

I have joined a salsa class....took some guts to get there but I've done a couple now and dancing is really good distraction...enjoy the music, concentrate on the moves and forget about him for a bit. I think the gym / swimming is also a good one....physical exercise is very good for your mood, even if you don't feel like it before hand, you will feel better afterwards


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> Alright....all your posts got me thinking....
> 
> I'm supposed to cut off my husband in the bedroom.....I will try my hardest !!!!
> 
> ...




Your husband has the divorce papers, you want to keep him and now you want to demonstrate your indifference to him by playing mind games with him. Righto. Keep going you sure as heck are driving him away.

Bob


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Agree with Bob, mind games are certainly NOT a good way forward, they just make things more confusing and hurtful, being open / honest is best, and you do say you want to get your husband back....

BUT, doing some things that make you feel relaxed, happy and improve your self esteem and mood are a positive thing for you...it's important to look after yourself at this time, when you will be seeing all the negative things about yourself and feeling a big sense of rejection and loss....Finding value in yourself by getting out and about in the air, relaxing, disconnecting and smiling are important to get strong enough to fight for your marriage.....if you are broken inside, how can you start to fix your marriage?


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## believer (Apr 22, 2008)

Dale & Alex - What is your status - seperated? trying to work things out? divorce final? 

what are you trying to accomplish when you are alone? Are you trying to make your husband jealous by going out? regardless of what the status of your marriag - you should be doing whatever you are doing for YOU & not for anyone else. If it makes you feel better to go out - then go out & get out of the house but don't just go to "make husband jealous" - its not worth your time & energy. Do it because you want to. 

When a relationship ends or is in trouble I think that alone time is important to reflect on working on you & figuring out what makes you happy. Also reflect on how you contributed to the challenges within in your relationship - it is much easier to point fingers & blame the other person. However, there may be some things you can learn from your past relationship that will help you grow & not repeat the same things moving forward. 

I found journaling to be very helpful & to help sort out my feelings & just vent. Exercise was mentioned numerous times above & that is a great one - it will help you release some tension, improve your self confidence, take your mind off him, etc. And if you join a gym, then maybe there is a potential place to meet new friends ( even if it is just female at this stage). 
Other suggestions - think you mentioned having kids at home -maybe take a class on line if can't go to a facility. Local bookstore is great - I would often read some of the self help books on relationship issues - divorce, infidelity, etc. Or maybe see if you can find a live support group - often they are affiliated with local churches. 
I also joined "meet up" where you can choose areas of interest & then get emails of when the various groups meet for events. There are moms groups, single parent groups, sports minded groups, cooking, etc. I have found that to be helpful to add to my social calendar & an opportunity to meet people with similar interests. 

Again do whatever you are doing for you & only you & hope you get through this rough time. Things will improve & stay positive.


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