# Were you looking?



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

When you met your current spouse, were you actually looking to meet someone or did it just happen? In other words, were you being socially active and dating a lot hoping to meet someone with the desire for a serious relationship, or were you just going about your merry life not giving it much thought and met someone through work, or whatever, and sparks flew? 

Do you feel either of the ways is more likely to be successful for a long term relationship?


----------



## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Yes I was looking and dating, but I wasn't putting pressure on myself to get married right away, or even to be in an exclusive relationship right away. I was having fun just getting to know some different girls. 

I think it is better when you are actively looking in terms of improving your chances of finding someone (but you can't be actively looking and "desperate").

Another variable is about being the right person. I think that people have to BE the right person BEFORE they can FIND the right person. This means being healthy phsyically, mentally, emotionally and maybe even spiritually.


----------



## MyTwoGirls (May 31, 2011)

I have to agree with Riverside on a person having to be the RIGHT person before seeking someone serious. It will mean you are ready and hopefully find the one who is also ready.:smthumbup:


----------



## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Wasn't looking, wasn't interested. I was having fun, enjoying my life. I was set up on a blind date with him. I knew when I saw him he would be apart of my life. We had amazing chemistry. He said when he saw me he knew he would marry me.

When you're not looking, you tend to be more yourself. You aren't trying to impress him.


----------



## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

My sister said there was a girl at work she could set me up with on a blind date. I said ok, but the next day my sister said "too late she's just started dating someone else". Three months later my sister said, "Hey you know that girl I work with, well she's available again." However, at this time I was now jobless, dejected, and just generally had a pissy attitude. So I said, "yeah sure, I wasn't good enough three months ago but now I'm good enough because the other guy dumped her?" and so I told my sister to forget it. A couple days later I visited my sister at her work and saw the girl, and said, "never mind, I'll take that date."

Thirty years later I'm still with Mrs. BigToe.


----------



## Chelhxi (Oct 30, 2008)

Not looking. But was doing an activity where there were lots of men around (karate). We were both doing well in our own lives when we met. Right time, right people. Worked out great.


----------



## wemogirl (May 31, 2011)

I was set up, too, but at the time I was interested in someone else who was going to school in another city. I just went on the date with DH since he had just moved here and didn't know many people. I figured he could hang out with my friends and maybe get together with one of them. After going out with him about 3 times I decided I wasn't interested in the other guy after all.


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

When I met my husband I was serious about it. I made a list of my dealbreakers/must haves and started seeking out men to date. I'm not one to leave things to chance. When I want something I don't wait for it to come to me I go get it.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Any relationship I've ever been in: I was NOT looking.


----------



## Edge (Mar 30, 2011)

I was looking, just not at the woman I married. I was nearly finished with school and decided it was time to start getting serious about finding someone to spend my life with. I met several woman and went on dates with a several over a period of a year or so. Then my best friend of nearly 10 years asked me out. I had wanted to date her most of that time but had finally given up and decided I had to settle for being just friends. In September we will celebrate our one year anniversary. So yes I was looking but ended up with the one I had given up on and I couldn't be happier.


----------



## username2 (Jun 16, 2011)

I was sort of looking but not for anything serious. We connected, parted ways, connected again a few months later and fell in love.


----------



## tpb72 (Feb 18, 2011)

I was completely happy being single and had no plans to change that for the rest of my life.

One evening while out with a group of friends, my hunny was there as well. We've known each other for close to 20 years (small town). I never really cared for the guy much prior to that night but to be honest I didn't know him very well either. 

Imbibed a little too much that evening and then ended up going home with the guy for a NSA evening. That evening never ended.

I wasn't looking at all and this amazing relationship happened. Although this has worked out I think it would have been better if I was in a good place to start a relationship. There was a number of messy things in my life that I needed to clean up that caused some friction between us.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Yes, I was looking for the right man! I was 30 that year.

I just had a failed marriage, before that, I had numerous failed relationships. None lasted long except the first marriage. 

Money was not my concern anymore. I had realized that money couldn't bring people happiness. I had already had a stable job myself at that time, I could support myself financially. Status was not important to me, I wasn't looking for men who had successful careers. Didn't want to play anymore, so men who just wanted casual sex couldn't get me interested. 

Then this gentleman came into my life, we were co-workers. He was polite to everyone. He always dressed respectfully. I talked to him, he was not arrogant, he didn't feel he was somebody special just because he was a foreigner in this country( a lot of westerners think they are better that local Taiwanese here, I really don't like this kind of attitude, he didn't have it! 

I asked him for his number, I asked him out, I wanted him to be my life long partner. His hugs were warm, his touch was tender, he melted me................................................................. 

I am just glad that he chose me too! 

Now both of us are settled and content...........................................


----------



## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I wasn't looking. In fact I was in woman hating mode since I was going through a divorce with my first wife (who basically cheated on me the day before I paid for her breast implants). A friend of mine and I were at the bars a lot just drinking and b*tching about how evil women are. 

In many ways my current wife probably saved my life.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Not looking. I was coming down to the last few months of a tour of duty in Korea, and I had gotten over a break-up with my then fiancee, and tried dating for awhile, but wasn't having any luck. When I met my W, we literally ran into each other on a dance floor in some kitschy club in Seoul, were friendly, but nothing serious, but, right before I left for the U.S., we both fell in love, and here we are, 15 yrs. and a wonderful daughter later.

Reminds me of an old country song: 

"There's people who want love, and people who need love, and people who find love on the way."


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

F-102 said:


> Reminds me of an old country song:
> 
> "There's people who want love, and people who need love, and people who find love on the way."


Good ol' Clint Black with "Walking Away." Hmm, I guess that is old, but it seems like only yesterday that it came out.


----------



## MardiGrasMambo (Mar 5, 2011)

Not looking...I had just gotten divorced from a woman who didn't deserve me. I was trying to actually stay single for a while, since I had been in relationships since I'd hit puberty. Met my wife through a mutual friend and we hit it off instantly. This woman had everything: looks, brains, sense of humor, comfortable with her sensuality and sexuality, and the utmost confidence. We connected via Facebook and three months later, we were in a relationship. Our one year anniversary is in about 3 weeks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

southbound said:


> When you met your current spouse, were you actually looking to meet someone or did it just happen? In other words, were you being socially active and dating a lot hoping to meet someone with the desire for a serious relationship, or were you just going about your merry life not giving it much thought and met someone through work, or whatever, and sparks flew?
> 
> Do you feel either of the ways is more likely to be successful for a long term relationship?


Well, I can't say I had it all together like everyone else on here when I met my boyfriend/husband back in '82, or that it didn't matter to me if I met someone or not. I was even praying to meet "him". Even saying a heartfelt prayer in my bedroom one night - and met him at the School lunch table a month or 2 later. Although I did not know at the time he was "the one". He asked me to go with him a week after we met , I hardly knew him but I said "yes" anyway, and our journey began. 

I might have only been 15, but I ALWAYS KNEW what I wanted in life, the loving husband, kids, house in the country, to be the type of mother my mother wasn't to me & I wanted a large family. I longed to meet "my Prince" -one to whom I could share everything with, do everything with (having a boyfriend was 20 times more exciting than hanging out with the girls in my opionion). I was looking for my Best friend, someone who wanted to get to know me beyond just a roll in the hay- and loved me just the way I was, faults & all. He surpased all of of my expectations. 

I would say I was more "serious" minded in my youth than most teens. I was not the type who just lived for FUN. I had too many problems at home, my mother left me yrs ago-turmoil in that side of my family, I lived with a Step Mother who didn't want me there. She didn't want her own kids. (To this day, they do not talk to her, but I do- we get along wonderful now.) I had some real chips on my shoulder back then.

And he was the shy guy who took a chance on me figuring I would shoot him down -but put himself out there anyway . And once we found each other, we fullfilled what each other was looking for, and my life has never been the same.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Unlike SA, I never had the daydream of getting married and having a family. I honestly never really thought much about it. I wasn't looking when my H and I met. We were young and met through mutual interests. Despite my stance at the time of being young and independent (I don't mean playing the field, I mean related to interests I had), it only took a short time before my H and I were inseparable. 

Through observing others, I'd say if you're intentionally looking (especially women, sorry) the intent becomes so focused on finding your SO that it can become all-consuming and in some instances might actually put-off potential suitors. Whereas if you're someone that's going with the flow and enjoying life, that in itself draws people to you. Of course this isn't always the case, I realize that....


----------



## mayatatia (Jul 3, 2011)

I was dating a few other guys and he was only a friend who had been visiting me for six years. He took me out to dinner when I graduated from college, and had lots of fun. We dated 4yrs before we married.... and then, trouble began....lol


----------



## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

I had a crush on my wife since grammar school. We remained friends throughout high school and sort of lost contact during college. I was dating someone for a couple years (to the point of propose or move on) and we had a small high school reunion which my wife came to. When I saw her, all the butterflies went off again. I broke it off with the GF after the weekend. Called the wife boo-hooing that I broke up with the GF. She came to visit a couple weeks later . . . and we're nearly our 19th anniversary. Sappy, eh?


----------

