# Thanks for advice, but time to move on.



## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Me and my soon to be ex-wife went to marriage counseling today. I thought it went well. I told the counselor my issues and my wife didn't explain one she has.

I told him i was 100% into fixing marriage and wife from a scale of 1-10, thought she was around a 3. Well after the counseling she came to the apartment again with her friends to clean everything else she has out. I asked her that i cannot go through these rollercoaster emotions and cannot put my life on hold for her to figure it out. I told her im 100% in and will be getting third party help for my gaming addiction, but she seemed to not care.

What did me in was this... We went to a christian counseling group (free of charge) to fix our problems. However she wanted to go to a professional counselor and said "you get what you paid for" on the church counseling. That really made me angry inside. I have become closer to GOD throughout this mess and trying to become a much better person. We are both Christians and i felt like that was a kick in the face on what she said.

After i that, we talked some more but i could see it was getting alittle heated. I told her for mine and her sake, she needed to leave. 

I guess the good thing is, she told me she didnt want anything in the apartment and we have no kids. I guess it's best for us to move on.

I'm trying to further my career by getting a commercial Helicopter license and flying for a living (good job to have). All the while she wants to live at the beach and doesn't care what job she has (just wants to live at beach). I really wanted it to work out so much, but my emotions cannot handle the stress of trying to fix something, which i know will never work. We are on two separate paths.

Speaking with a lawyer on Thursday.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Why does what she thinks matter to you?


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Why does what she thinks matter to you?



B/c no matter what i love her? I tried to fix it. I already had counseling setup way before she moved out of the house. I was doing better with my life and helping her out more around the house. I felt in my heart i was making progress on the issues she had with me.

However, the entire Marriage counseling ordeal was all about how bad of a husband i was. Not once did she mentioned the wrong things she did in the past to hurt me. Not once. And that hit below the belt. Anytime i would bring up something she did. Lets say the DWI. She would throw it back in my face and tell me the reason why she got a DWI, was b/c she knew i wouldn't pick her up from the party (which is a lie). No matter how mad i was at her for going, i would not let my own wife drive home after she been drinking. 

There is just two things we cannot get passed. 

1. Is me trying to better my career and move forward.

2. She wants to live near the beach no matter what job she has it seems. That was a big division between us at times.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

How about standing up to her without letting her get to you?


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## LockeCPM4 (Jul 11, 2012)

Legiox, I wish you the best. I didn't follow your other posts, but I can respect that you love your W. Just don't forget about you while loving someone that is in a place where she cannot return the love.

As far as the legal stuff, if there is no pressing need, I wouldn't jump to a divorce just yet. Again, I don't know your dynamics such as the length of your marriage, length of separation, or your issues, but it is quite possible to go work on you and your career and leave the relationship decisions alone for a while.


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> How about standing up to her without letting her get to you?


I am standing up to her. After counseling I sat her down and told her I'm not going to let her put me through a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I told her i will never go through the pain I was going through when she left and moved all her stuff out. I said its either 100% into marriage to save it (like i am doing) or we need to move on. She said she wasnt 100% into it. So i said, it's done and she will be hearing from me soon about separation papers. 

I hate it being this way, but i just cannot go through that pain again. She wants to live the single life and do whatever. Now is her chance. I'm taking the 180 approach and moving on with my career.


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

LockeCPM4 said:


> Legiox, I wish you the best. I didn't follow your other posts, but I can respect that you love your W. Just don't forget about you while loving someone that is in a place where she cannot return the love.
> 
> As far as the legal stuff, if there is no pressing need, I wouldn't jump to a divorce just yet. Again, I don't know your dynamics such as the length of your marriage, length of separation, or your issues, but it is quite possible to go work on you and your career and leave the relationship decisions alone for a while.


Thanks for advice. We be married 4 years in Oct. I'm just going to get everything written up in separation papers and have her signe it, so she doesn't try and take my retirement/furniture/tv/vehicle later down the road. This way it's all set and we just have to wait a year.


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