# Would it bother you if your parents never offered to watch your Kids?



## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

My wife's parents never once offered to watch our kids, I am not going to lie it bothered me a little bit. I see them as being selfish grandparents even though I know they don't have to do it.


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## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

no it wouldn't bother me and I have rarely ever had them do it. My younger brother had his first child (and married a woman with two children, so he had three al together) and would have my Mother and Father watch them all the time. He would tell them that he needed his children watched for a hour or so and would come back six or so hours later. I watched him do this all the time and my parents would gripe about it but never really say anything to him. I decided that when I had children my parents wouldn't watch them unless they asked to have them or it was an emergency and I had no one else.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's their choice. 

How many siblings does your wife have?

How man grandchildren do her parents have?


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I didn't have good grandparents growing up and now I don't have parents period. So no grandparents for my kids on my side. I did/do want my kids to have good relationships with their paternal grandparents if possible. So far I have been fortunate that they do. My partner's mom and dad have a really close relationship with our oldest and probably will with our youngest. Oldest has slept over there since 2.5 years because THEY wanted him there for his "vacation". He even had/has his own bedroom, toothbrush, toys, and clothes there that Nanny and Poppi bought and when younger, car seat, stroller etc. So I only had to just send him which is nice. Poppi also comes over two or more times a week to spoil both my boys with some kind of treat and play in the yard. Nanny just took my son on a road trip last week. Now oldest is up at the cottage with them and coming home tomorrow.

Mind you, this is something they CHOOSE to do because they enjoy it. It's not something I would expect but I do appreciate it. Since I never had such involved grandparents growing up so it's nice to see my boys get a little spoiled. My youngest is still small (under 2) and I think they'll be the same eventually with the sleepovers (he is much needier/clingier to me than oldest was so not yet but soon).


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I don't allow my parents to be around my children unsupervised. They are dysfunctional, not healthy at all to be around kids.

My husband's Dad informed us before our first was born that he doesn't babysit.

My MIL works a lot and has many grandchildren. She watched our kids once when asked. It seemed like such an imposition I never asked again.

It doesn't make me mad, a little jealous when I see others having weekends with their spouse while the kids are at grandma's. I can only deal with the family I have. No sense dwelling on something I can't have.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

internally a little.

but ive heard from many grandparents or parents mention that the grandparents are fine doing things with the grandkids, but thier days of child raising/watching are over. doesnt mean they love them less, just a choice. and potentially a good recognition of thier limits.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & my H wanted a larger family.. it was our decision and one thing I felt very strongly about was.. not asking for help... we are just funny about that sort of thing.. being responsible... not complaining.. we wanted them.. it's on US...

I can't say on his side or mine, they offered.. but I never expected them to either...the few times we asked -we offered to pay -I don't think they ever took it though...

I did have a wonderful girlfriend who always wanted to watch our kids.... 2 of her boys were at our house many many weekends growing up- like a piece of the furniture...

Then with baby #5, I had a Great Aunt who insisted on us going out once a month while she & her husband stayed with our kids.. It was a lovely gesture. 

It all worked out.. now they are older & can watch each other.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Its a shame but society has changed. We no longer take care of our parents as they age and grandparents are not spending time with our children. 

this summer my mother (77) watched our 15yr old and 11yr old 3 times a week. everyday they would make her lunch and she would tell them about the old days. I would call her on my way home and get the report. Before she did this she was feeling poorly health wise now she feels great.

I don't know who it was better for Her or my children.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

My parents have barely seen my kids let alone watched them. Very early on I knew not to bother asking when my mother told her sons her daughters children are different than a sons. That my wife's mother should do that stuff. 
My mother still can not understand why her sons stay away.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

We don't live near our parents at all. That said, my mother/father would never be allowed to watch my kids. I am surprised I survived. 

My H's parents will watch our kids if we ask them to when we are visiting. They only see us once a year so they don't mind. 

If they never wanted to watch the kids, I wouldn't care at all. I would hire a baby sitter instead if H and I wanted to go out. It's not their responsibility to watch our kids. 

But his parents aren't like that. They love watching the boys for several nights when they come to visit us.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

While it's unfortunate, you don't want someone that doesn't offer/want to watch them to feel obligated to. 

My parents lost my son let him wander off to the street when he was 14 months old. They never apologized, then my mother food poisoned him by accident, he was a whole week in the hospital. 

So, we are better off without them involved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

When the first of our children were born / young we were lucky enough that my mother was retired but still active enough to help out with childcare but once we moved away from the town (90 miles) we amount of direct support that could be offered was reduced but she did still come down and look after them for our annual "mum & dad" weekend away. My MIL is younger and still at work so was / has not helped out as much but she has invited our daughters (now in their teens) to stay for a weekends shopping / a show in London.

I do think that regular contact across the generations is beneficial to everyone concerned so we do visit the remaining grandparent as often as we can.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Boxing judge said:


> My wife's parents never once offered to watch our kids, I am not going to lie it bothered me a little bit. I see them as being selfish grandparents even though I know they don't have to do it.


Have you asked them?


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## HuggyBear (Aug 4, 2012)

It wouldn't bother me, but I would be offended if they took absolutely no interest in my (and by lineage, their) children.

My in-laws never "offer" to take care of the kids, but they do enjoy visiting them, or getting visited. Once in a while my wife asks them if they could watch for a few hours (maybe once a month, if that often) and they're usually happy to... until 8 or 9 pm rolls around, and the old folks start to moan...


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

My parents never offer to watch my 3 year old daughter. They have watched her when I have asked them on the rare occassion, but I can't recall a time they actually offered. It doesn't bother me because I chose to bring my daughter into this world & it is my job to take care of her. My parents do take plenty of interest in her & love coming over to visit or us visiting them.

My husband's side of the family takes absolutely no interest in our daughter. I don't get offended at that either, it is their loss.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

While I don’t have kids myself, I did observe my ex’s older sister regularly dumping her kids on her parents, or expecting her mother to drive over an hour each way (plus tolls) to look after them and clean up the house, several times a week. Older sister didn’t want to give up her career or social life. The ex and I both thought the parents, especially her mother, needed to put her foot down as she was being taken advantage of. It's one thing to love your grandchildren, but when you're taking time away from work on a regular basis...

I would go and spend the weekend (Friday night to Sunday morning) with my grandparents every few months when my parents needed to go to an event. I think this was a more reasonable arrangement due to the frequency.


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

Grandparents who are retired health permitted should watch Grand Children once every 2 weeks minimum.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I do not expect grandparents to do parenting, but I think I would feel disappointed on my kids behalf if they didn't want to spend with their grandchildren couple of hours on their own now and then. It's very precious time spent together, building family ties, creating memories. Go to park together, maybe for a walk, read a book or watch movie - I think it's great for kids and for grandparents. It's a healthy bond, although agreed, some young parents like to abuse grandparents, dumping kids on them. but that's not the same.


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