# Wife's Serious Weight Problem



## jerrymartin947

As my wife 'Beverly' entered middle age, she developed a voracious appetite for food; seemingly overnight it replaced what had been a healthy sex drive. She began doing things like spending afternoons at the food courts or binging on fast-food in her car. At home, she would close the door to her bedroom and eat for hours. She eventually became unable to control her appetite even when we dined with friends or my business associates, sometimes causing stares, smirks, and catty comments with the way she would devour her meal- which invariably consisted of not only appetizers, as if she needed any, but 2 entrees and 2 or 3 desserts. Ditto weddings, birthday parties, and holiday meals. It wasn't long before she'd put on so much weight that she could no longer fit comfortably into any of her clothes. At that point she panicked and tried dieting, but to no avail. No matter the plan, she could stick to it for only a week or so, before the urge to binge became more than she could resist. Plan B was just to try to hide it. 'I'll just start wearing a girdle when we go out,' I overheard her tell a girlfriend on the phone. But even that plan didn't last very long; the girdle was not only 'uncomfortable,' but a hassle to get into and out of, requiring my assistance. Her wardrobe now consists of large men's t-shirts and sweatpants, underneath which her stomach can be seen hanging to her knees. People, seeing her so obese and out of control began to say of her that she'd 'let herself go.' In fact, it was a vicious cycle. The more the woman ate the heavier she became and the heavier she became the more she ate. Unable to break that cycle, her weight soared to well over 400 lbs.. Her mother eventually became fed up and told her in front of the rest of her family on Thanksgiving that 'she should be ashamed of herself.' Beverly could only hang her head and beg her mother not to 'humiliate' her any further. But she did put down her fork for the rest of afternoon, so there was hope that the harsh message had had the desired effect, that someone had finally gotten through to her about her weight problem. That hope was quickly crushed, though, when she begged me to stop for fast food on the way home.

Her obsession with food also took its toll on our marriage. We began sleeping in separate bedrooms, mainly because of her nightly habit of going downstairs for a 'snack' that would last for hours. When I confronted her during one of these binges, she appeared out of control, cramming food into her mouth non-stop. I pleaded with her to get a hold of herself, but she would only mutter over and over 'I can't stop, Jerry, I can't stop. I want it so bad!' Rebuffed in this way several times, I gave up trying to get her to diet and more or less looked the other way when she would overeat, content to spend more time on my work while hoping that somehow she'll find the strength to change. She, however, wants me to 'accept her as she as is' and constantly worries that I'm going to leave her for another woman. Her mother stopped by the other day with a younger friend of hers. Beverly, per usual, was in bed glutting when they arrived. Her mother immediately went into her room and slammed the door shut. Her angry voice could still be heard as I stood trying to hide my own embarrassment from the other woman. Finally, she emerged from the room, saying 'When he leaves you fatso, I won't blame him a bit.' Then they left. No sooner had the door closed than Beverly came crawling out of her bedroom and threw her arms around my waist. 'I beg you not to see her,' she cried. I told her that I didn't know what she was talking about. 'My mother's friend,' she said; 'I know you want her. And she's the kind who will come after you now that she knows we are having problems.' I told her that she needed professional help and offered to find it for her, but that she would have to take the first step and admit to having an eating disorder.


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## tropicalbeachiwish

Did you stop at the fast food place on your way home after Thanksgiving? Who does the grocery shopping and cooks meals?


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## brooklynAnn

Before she started eating, what happened in her life? Something is going on that has triggered her behavior. She needs the help of a professional now.


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## Bibi1031

humiliation does not help her in her disease. It is a disease and needs to be treated as such. She needs a doctor yesterday!

She is morbidly obese, surgery is her only true alternative to a cure. No amount of dieting is going to fix it; obese and morbidly obese people are not fat by choice, it is an illness even if most don't recognize it as such. 

A bariatric facility and doctor can get rid of her excess fat and she will be forced to stop overeating. These type of facilities have all kinds of doctors to help her succeed in curing all her ailments. The overeating has an emotional component to it. It may also be hormone related as well.


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## kristin2349

She needs medical help. You need to insist she see her Dr. for blood work. If there is nothing abnormal that has caused this she needs a combination of counseling and if I were in her shoes I would get bariatric surgery. 

Her mother sounds like an absolute b!tch and is not helpful at all. You didn't indicate that you stepped in while her mother was attacking and scolding her like a child about her weight. If that was my mother I would have cut her out of my life, the woman sounds toxic.


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## GuyInColorado

I'd leave her if it was me. I feel bad for you, what a miserable place to be in. It's all her fault.


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## MJJEAN

Your wife is suffering from a mental illness that is going to kill her. You, by not forcing the issue and staying in the marriage, are enabling her self destruction.

First, sack up! This is a real issue that is literally killing your wife. Tell her she has 2 options. Get serious professional help, including meds if warranted, and make a real effort or you'll be filing for divorce because you aren't going to stand there and watch her die.

Second, mean every word and back it up with actions, if necessary.


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## Maricha75

@Bibi1031, weight loss surgery CAN help, but it is no guarantee. First, they need to find out what triggered this switch. She cannot even get the surgery without going through psychological testing as well as attempting weight loss without surgery. She will even have to go through some physical tests. And, weight loss surgery is not a cure. I really wish people would stop calling it that. It is a lifestyle change, and it isn't foolproof, either. She COULD go back to those poor eating habits, even after getting surgery. So, right now, he needs to get her to see a psychologist, to find out what caused this... and to her primary doctor as well as *maybe* specialists. WLS is not her only option. It is a tool, only to be used as a *last* resort!

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## Unicus

Jerry, it sounds like you've been married for some time, and the quality (up until recently) has been pretty good.

If that's accurate, then something aside from your marriage is seriously wrong here. There's either a very serious medical issue or a very serious psychiatric issue. Does she have a family history of either?

1) Tell her you DO accept and love her as she is, but you are seriously concerned about the changes you see..and describe them very observationally, don't be accusatory or judgmental. She might not experience herself and her changes accurately. 

2) Tell her you want her to see the family MD first, and that you're going to set it up and accompany her. She does not have to "Want" or "See" anything other than your concern. Besides, if she had awareness of this, she'd take these steps herself. "Wanting" it is over rated, and requires lucid thought!

2) Call your family MD and discuss this with him. If he already doesn't know about this dramatic change in eating behavior, he'll want to examine her and do some blood work. 

3) If the lab work and exam don't show anything get a referral to a psychiatrist, and follow up.

It cannot (and should not) be said with any certainty what the treatment is until there has been an adequate diagnostic work up to determine the probable cause. The sooner you get started on that, the sooner you can begin to address the issue. Just keep it supportive for now, and take the lead by setting up and accompanying her to the appts.


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## jorgegene

gastric bypass surgery


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## Maricha75

Unicus said:


> Jerry, it sounds like you've been married for some time, and the quality (up until recently) has been pretty good.
> 
> If that's accurate, then something aside from your marriage is seriously wrong here. There's either a very serious medical issue or a very serious psychiatric issue. Does she have a family history of either?
> 
> 1) Tell her you DO accept and love her as she is, but you are seriously concerned about the changes you see..and describe them very observationally, don't be accusatory or judgmental. She might not experience herself and her changes accurately.
> 
> 2) Tell her you want her to see the family MD first, and that you're going to set it up and accompany her. She does not have to "Want" or "See" anything other than your concern. Besides, if she had awareness of this, she'd take these steps herself. "Desire" is over rated!
> 
> 2) Call your family MD and discuss this with him. If he already doesn't know about this dramatic change in eating behavior, he'll want to examine her and do some blood work.
> 
> 3) If the lab work and exam don't show anything get a referral to a psychiatrist, and follow up.
> 
> It cannot (and should not) be said with any certainty what the treatment is until there has been an adequate diagnostic work up to determine the probable cause. The sooner you get started on that, the sooner you can begin to address the issue. Just keep it supportive for now, and take the lead by setting up and accompanying her to the appts.


This, I completely agree with. Unicus, I may not agree with everything you say, but this is SPOT ON!

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## 225985

This is not an issue of eating an extra bag of chips. This is a life threatening, definitely a life shortening, condition. She is addicted to food and it will kill her as if it was alcohol or meth. 

First step as other have mentioned is family doctor. If he/she does not do much, get another doctor. She will need physical as well as mental evaluations. She may be depressed or have some eating disorder.

Most important thing for OP is to tell his wife he loves her and wants her to LIVE A LONG LIFE with him.


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## Bibi1031

Maricha75 said:


> @Bibi1031, weight loss surgery CAN help, but it is no guarantee. First, they need to find out what triggered this switch. She cannot even get the surgery without going through psychological testing *as well as attempting weight loss without surgery. *She will even have to go through some physical tests. And, weight loss surgery is not a cure. I really wish people would stop calling it that. It is a lifestyle change, and it isn't foolproof, either. She COULD go back to those poor eating habits, even after getting surgery. So, right now, he needs to get her to see a psychologist, to find out what caused this... and to her primary doctor as well as *maybe* specialists. WLS is not her only option. *It is a tool, only to be used as a *last* resort!*
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


Now a days, if you are morbidly obese, you can bypass trying to lose weight without surgery. They have figured out it will only work for a few years and then the person will balloon the weight back up and then some. Surgery is indeed the last resort for others but not for morbidly obese people. 

You are morbidly obese if your BMI index is a bit lower than 40. Morbidly obese people's only resort sadly is indeed surgery. Bariatric facilities have all the help she needs, and they won't do any kind of surgery on her until all the necessary things are in place. 

Based on her middle age and her weight, her doctor will have no problem referring her to one of these facilities. Most insurances in the USA cover this process. It is a process that takes years in order to be successful. She starts going to this facility and taking classes as well as seeing a group of professionals to determine the best plan of action for her illness or illnesses. In the beginning months, they will determine when is the best time for surgery. After surgery, she will continue seeing her group of professionals as part of regular follow up to help guarantee that her surgery is indeed successful. The whole process is if I remember correctly about 3 years. The first year after this type of surgery is critical and the patient must not stop her treatment.

The family found all this out due my nephew being 320 pounds and suffering from diabetes at age 17! He lost 100 pounds on his own when he was diagnosed with diabetes, but ballooned back up two years later. His insurance covers the surgery, he is morbidly obese at 19 and diabetic to boot.

Bariatric facilities have therapists too. It is the best way to combat morbid obesity which is a disease regardless of how the patients got it. They take a wholistic approach to the illness...


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## Lila

OP, sounds like your wife is suffering from binge - eating disorder. 

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/binge-eating-disorder/home/ovc-20182926

Non surgical help is available but she has to want it.


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## Maricha75

Bibi1031 said:


> Now a days, if you are morbidly obese, you can bypass trying to lose weight without surgery. They have figured out it will only work for a few years and then the person will balloon the weight back up and then some. Surgery is indeed the last resort for others but not for morbidly obese people.
> 
> You are morbidly obese if your BMI index is a bit lower than 40. Morbidly obese people's only resort sadly is indeed surgery. Bariatric facilities have all the help she needs, and they won't do any kind of surgery on her until all the necessary things are in place.
> 
> Based on her middle age and her weight, her doctor will have no problem referring her to one of these facilities. Most insurances in the USA cover this process. It is a process that takes years in order to be successful. She starts going to this facility and taking classes as well as seeing a group of professionals to determine the best plan of action for her illness or illnesses. In the beginning months, they will determine when is the best time for surgery. After surgery, she will continue seeing her group of professionals as part of regular follow up to help guarantee that her surgery is indeed successful. The whole process is if I remember correctly about 3 years. The first year after this type of surgery is critical and the patient must not stop her treatment.
> 
> The family found all this out due my nephew being 320 pounds and suffering from diabetes at age 17! He lost 100 pounds on his own when he was diagnosed with diabetes, but ballooned back up two years later. His insurance covers the surgery, he is morbidly obese at 19 and diabetic to boot.


Bibi, I am speaking from experience. I know it is covered. I know what it entails. I have gone through it. This is why I am emphatic that you do NOT call it a cure. *It is NOT a cure*. Even after weight loss surgery, you can STILL gain weight back. And many ARE able to eat the same things they were told not to consume after surgery. It is a tool, nothing more. And if you don't address the underlying issues FIRST, it won't make a bit of difference, in the end. 

Oh, and some insurance companies DO require that you attempt to lose some weight, first. Yes, even now, they want patients to keep food diaries and try weight watchers, etc. People in my area have had to do this as recently as a few months ago.

So, like I said, I know what it entails. Bottom line, she needs to see her doctor to find out why this started in the first place, before she even THINKS about surgery.

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## Maricha75

Also, Bibi, it is a last resort for *anyone*. From the OP, it sounds like she *might* be about what my top weight was before I had mine. Yes, those first 18 months are crucial after surgery. Still, even after, she could go right back to her old eating habits.

Sure, bariatric centers would be an option... if one is close enough to get there. My surgeon did not work at one of those centers. He did, however, have a dietitian, nutritionist, and psychologist who worked with him, with the patients.

So, please, I am asking again, don't call it a cure, because it is NOT a cure. And don't push OP toward this as his best and *only* option. It absolutely is not. It is *still* something to be used as a last resort, regardless of the level of obesity. 

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## Bibi1031

Maricha75 said:


> Bibi, I am speaking from experience. I know it is covered. I know what it entails. I have gone through it. This is why I am emphatic that you do NOT call it a cure. *It is NOT a cure*. Even after weight loss surgery, you can STILL gain weight back. And many ARE able to eat the same things they were told not to consume after surgery. It is a tool, nothing more. And if you don't address the underlying issues FIRST, it won't make a bit of difference, in the end.
> 
> Oh, and some insurance companies DO require that you attempt to lose some weight, first. Yes, even now, they want patients to keep food diaries and try weight watchers, etc. People in my area have had to do this as recently as a few months ago.
> 
> So, like I said, I know what it entails. Bottom line, she needs to see her doctor to find out why this started in the first place, before she even THINKS about surgery.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


You are right. Cure is definitely the wrong word here, but it is the most effective tool for most morbidly obese people. 

People, if not careful can fall into old habits, that is a given and that is their choice as well. That doesn't mean these types of surgeries haven't been extremely successful with most patients. 

I agree with the poster that stated binge eating may be this OP wife's problem. I was specifically talking about getting rid of her 400 or so pounds, and how her mother humiliating her was not helpful at all. Bariatric surgery will accomplish the weight loss if the patient sticks to the recommendations of the professionals, but not the emotional issues that got her there. That is why there is a team of doctors and not just the doctor that performs the surgery, but you already know that.


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## Maricha75

Bibi1031 said:


> You are right. Cure is definitely the wrong word here, but it is the most effective tool for most morbidly obese people.
> 
> People, if not careful can fall into old habits, that is a given and that is their choice as well. That doesn't mean these types of surgeries haven't been extremely successful with most patients.
> 
> I agree with the poster that stated binge eating may be this OP wife's problem. I was specifically talking about getting rid of her 400 or so pounds, and how her mother humiliating her was not helpful at all. Bariatric surgery will accomplish the weight loss if the patient sticks to the recommendations of the professionals, but not the emotional issues that got her there. That is why there is a team of doctors and not just the doctor that performs the surgery, but you already know that.


Again, not always. My mother followed her doctor's directions. She did what she was supposed to do. She still didn't get all the nutrients she needed and died because she wasn't healthy enough to fight an infection. 

I was over 400 pounds, Bibi. I had the same surgery my mother haf. My surgery worked for me. But I, along with others I know who have gotten bariatric surgery, all agree that it is *still* a last result... even if the patient is over 400 pounds.

There are SO MANY things that can still go wrong, even after surgery, that point back to that surgery. I can't even begin to count how many of my weight loss surgery (WLS) friends have had to get iron infusions because their iron levels have tanked. Want to know the real kicker? Their insurance doesn't cover the infusions. So why don't they take iron pills, right? Funny thing about that... our bodies don't absorb them. So, yea, even morbidly obese... it is far better to at least *try* nonsurgical weight loss before taking the surgical route. It is FAR from easy, regardless of the method employed.

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## Bibi1031

What type of bariatric surgery did you opt for?

Oh I know that like with any other surgical options there are risks. That is true for most of the medications we are prescribed as well. The risks are explained and also the percentage of people that may suffer from these risks. It's not easy, that's for sure.


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## Maricha75

blueinbr said:


> Have your tried iron pills? Our doc was W, because of her serious condition, taking ferrous gluconate, not the ferrous sulfate. Is your comment about lack of absorption meant for all people or just those with bypass surgery?
> 
> From what I know (very little) bypass surgery is major, and there is risk of complications and death. OP needs to research all options provided by the medical experts and help his wife decide what is best option for her.


I have been fortunate, as far as my iron, so far. 12 years since I had mine, and no issues so far. But iron pill absorption has been an issue for people who have had roux-en-y as well as duodenal switch, I know for certain. I think even some lap band patients have had issues. The pull doesn't get absorbed properly. It's because the intestinal length is not there to facilitate proper absorption (for RNY & DS). No idea why the issue for lap band. But, it's the reason we (women) were/are told to use TWO forms of birth control... and the Pill is NOT effective. 

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## Maricha75

Bibi1031 said:


> What type of bariatric surgery did you opt for?
> 
> Oh I know that like with any other surgical options there are risks. That is true for most of the medications we are prescribed as well. The risks are explained and also the percentage of people that may suffer from these risks. It's not easy, that's for sure.


My mother and I both had roux-en-y (RNY). But I have seen these issues with more than just the RNY surgery.

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## kristin2349

Maricha75 said:


> Again, not always. My mother followed her doctor's directions. She did what she was supposed to do. She still didn't get all the nutrients she needed and died because she wasn't healthy enough to fight an infection.
> 
> I was over 400 pounds, Bibi. I had the same surgery my mother haf. My surgery worked for me. But I, along with others I know who have gotten bariatric surgery, all agree that it is *still* a last result... even if the patient is over 400 pounds.
> 
> There are SO MANY things that can still go wrong, even after surgery, that point back to that surgery. *I can't even begin to count how many of my weight loss surgery (WLS) friends have had to get iron infusions because their iron levels have tanked. Want to know the real kicker? Their insurance doesn't cover the infusions.*So why don't they take iron pills, right? Funny thing about that... our bodies don't absorb them. So, yea, even morbidly obese... it is far better to at least *try* nonsurgical weight loss before taking the surgical route. It is FAR from easy, regardless of the method employed.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk



I'm severely anemic have NOT had WLS and can't absorb iron. As a result I get Venofer iron infusions on a regular basis. They are administered in a chemo clinic so you sit in a recliner for hours and chat with fellow patients. I've met at least two dozen WLS patients who get iron infusions all were covered by their insurance (we actually talk about what we are paying out of pocket). Some ins. won't pay until the patient is clinically anemic, some won't pay for Venofer (the most expensive form) until the patient has tried cheaper brands. Again I haven't had WLS and I still had to try oral iron before I was approved for infusions by my insurance. 

WLS patient do face expensive supplementation for the rest of their lives. But I know obese people that chase expensive "fixes" (most of which fail) for their weight problems. I have two guy friends that are morbidly obese, they spend a fortune even with insurance on pre-diabetes meds, cholesterol meds, CPAP machines, orthotics for their shoes, and their restaurant and booze bills are astounding. Not to mention the cost of the discrimination they face being turned down for jobs or passed over for promotions because they are obese.


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## Maricha75

@kristin2349, yes, some insurances cover it. Some don't. I know about how it's administered because of the WLS friends who have had to get it lol. One has had bad reactions to most. She even ended up being hospitalized a few times because she looked like, as even her doctor stated, "death warmed over"... yikes! Her insurance, I THINK, might cover hers. Not certain, though. Another, a nurse, WAS covered by her previous insurance, but the new policy won't. They keep saying it is because of her WLS 7 or 8 years ago, actually, and that's why they won't cover it. So, she has to come up with $3000/infusion, or she doesn't get it. 

I'm just glad I haven't had to worry about that, at this point. I keep expecting it, though. 😕

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## kristin2349

Maricha75 said:


> @kristin2349, yes, some insurances cover it. Some don't. I know about how it's administered because of the WLS friends who have had to get it lol. One has had bad reactions to most. She even ended up being hospitalized a few times because she looked like, as even her doctor stated, "death warmed over"... yikes! Her insurance, I THINK, might cover hers. Not certain, though. Another, a nurse, WAS covered by her previous insurance, but the new policy won't. They keep saying it is because of her WLS 7 or 8 years ago, actually, and that's why they won't cover it. So, she has to come up with $3000/infusion, or she doesn't get it.
> 
> I'm just glad I haven't had to worry about that, at this point. I keep expecting it, though. ��
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk



Insurance is a PITA. My infusion clinic charges my insurance 5K per infusion (patients with no insurance coverage pay on a sliding scale) and I need to get a series of 4 - 2 weeks apart. The real treat is it sometimes inflames my liver, which sends me to the ER and lands me in the hospital for a few days while they treat it with a NAC IV. So my insurance pays another 50K for that.

I've recently had some success avoiding infusions with a new supplement that has been effective for WLS patients, it is called Profferin. There are also chewable and liquid forms or iron that work for some WLS patients. I'd highly recommend Profferin to anyone who is trying to avoid an infusion.


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## WorkingWife

Maricha75 said:


> @Bibi1031, weight loss surgery CAN help, but it is no guarantee. First, they need to find out what triggered this switch. She cannot even get the surgery without going through psychological testing as well as attempting weight loss without surgery. She will even have to go through some physical tests. And, weight loss surgery is not a cure. I really wish people would stop calling it that. It is a lifestyle change, and it isn't foolproof, either. She COULD go back to those poor eating habits, even after getting surgery. So, right now, he needs to get her to see a psychologist, to find out what caused this... and to her primary doctor as well as *maybe* specialists. WLS is not her only option. It is a tool, only to be used as a *last* resort!
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


Yeah, if someone is so compelled to keep eating that they can't stop
even when they're physically full, it seems weight loss surgery could make matters much worse. There are a lot of draw backs to it.


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## WorkingWife

It definitely sounds like she has a serious emotional, physical, or hormonal problem. I would insist she see specialists about this specific problem.

When I hit menopause I found I wanted to eat all the time, even when I was full. Then I got my hormones straightened out and my appetite returned to normal. Of course even at my worst I was nothing like your wife, I'm just saying that hormones can affect appetite and this did start at middle age. 

Hopefully a specialist will help. I would insist that if she wants you to stay married to her, she consult a dr. who specializes in this type of thing (surely they exist?) and you go to the first few consultations with her to support her and to make sure her Dr. gets candid answers because it would be normal for her to feel to embarrassed to tell the whole truth about some things.


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## Lon

Sounds to me like something physical has gone wrong with her body, something that has triggered her appetite or prevented her from feeling satiated, gastric bypass is not the answer she needs to see an endocrinologist or neurologist to determine what hormonal glands or organs have failed.


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## Unicus

Maricha75 said:


> This, I completely agree with. Unicus, I may not agree with everything you say, but this is SPOT ON!
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk





blueinbr said:


> Ugh. Me too. I agree.


Well, thank you! Maybe it's time to re read those things you've disagreed with in light of this? It comes from the same set of sensibilities.

I shall endeavor to be clearer in the future!


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## Maricha75

Unicus said:


> Well, thank you! Maybe it's time to re read those things you've disagreed with in light of this? It comes from the same set of sensibilities.
> 
> I shall endeavor to be clearer in the future!


Ehhh... no. In one other thread, you told me that I have no idea what I am talking about regarding male sexuality and porn use. While I don't know about *every* man, I do know about my husband. 

But that is a different topic. The reason I agree with your advice on this thread is because it is sound. 

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## AngelHeart888

Your may be suffering from a combination of emotional and hormonal problem. Emotionally, she is in a LOT of pain, and she is trying to desperately numb it with food.
Did she experience any kind of trauma in her life just before she started to exhibit this behavior? Is it possible that she might have been sexually assaulted?

Forget surgery. She needs to get a thorough medical exam, including blood work, as well as psychological counseling to figure out what the source of the pain is, and how to process it in a healthy manner. After that, surgery and dieting may be an option, but nothing will work until you figure out what's causing the turmoil.

If the problem is merely physical, such as a hormonal imbalance, that can be fixed relatively easily. If it's emotional, that will take more effort. 

Joining a good support group, like OA, may also be advisable.

The last thing your wife needs is for people in her life to shame her and cause her added pain.


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## Pinksapphire

Maricha75 said:


> @Bibi1031, weight loss surgery CAN help, but it is no guarantee. First, they need to find out what triggered this switch. She cannot even get the surgery without going through psychological testing as well as attempting weight loss without surgery. She will even have to go through some physical tests. And, weight loss surgery is not a cure. I really wish people would stop calling it that. It is a lifestyle change, and it isn't foolproof, either. She COULD go back to those poor eating habits, even after getting surgery. So, right now, he needs to get her to see a psychologist, to find out what caused this... and to her primary doctor as well as *maybe* specialists. WLS is not her only option. It is a tool, only to be used as a *last* resort!
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


This is true. I have seen people have this surgery and regain weight. It then becomes an entirely worse situation. It also isn't a cure at all without the counselling and change to lifestyle because they remain overweight or obese just not as big by eating more frequently. I've seen it happen with both a female and male I work with. They are both lovely but they really struggle with this and have been doing so for the whole ten years I have known them. It's truly a daily battle for them.


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## Bibi1031

WorkingWife said:


> When I hit menopause I found I wanted to eat all the time, even when I was full. Then I got my hormones straightened out and my appetite returned to normal. Of course even at my worst I was nothing like your wife, I'm just saying that hormones can affect appetite and this did start at middle age.


I have a sister that experienced the hormone imbalance at midlife and her weight soared. She had never had weight issues before midlife and no problem over eating either. Bariatric surgery was not for her as her issues slowly but surely got resolved because she went to the doctors before her weight was out of control. Her thyroid was also making her gain weight. The excessive eating caused bloating and intestinal problems as well as kidney and liver issues. It was a bad time for her indeed. Good thing she didn't suffer from terrible hot flashes, insomnia, anxiety, depression and other ailments that women go through at midlife/menopause.


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## sapientia

Unicus said:


> Jerry, it sounds like you've been married for some time, and the quality (up until recently) has been pretty good.
> 
> If that's accurate, then something aside from your marriage is seriously wrong here. There's either a very serious medical issue or a very serious psychiatric issue. Does she have a family history of either?


I had an aunt who gained a lot of weight several months before she died from a brain tumour. She knew about the tumour, but didn't tell anyone, including her family. She just dropped dead one day.

One of my clinical rotations as a student involved a young, obese woman who couldn't stop drinking water b/c of an inoperable tumour.

Satiety centres are in the brain and can cause uncontrolled eating. So can mental illness, as others have suggested. The suddenness of her symptoms is a concern.

Get her help ASAP. Including protecting her from uneducated @ssholes.


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## Bibi1031

Pinksapphire said:


> This is true. I have seen people have this surgery and regain weight. It then becomes an entirely worse situation. It also isn't a cure at all without the counselling and change to lifestyle because they remain overweight or obese just not as big by eating more frequently. I've seen it happen with both a female and male I work with. They are both lovely but they really struggle with this and have been doing so for the whole ten years I have known them. It's truly a daily battle for them.


It is a life change, not an easy fix by any means; that was never implied. There are no easy fixes to this type of illness. That was never implied either. 

The leastr restrictive bariatric surgeries will help you lose about 100 pounds. If the person decides they want the less invasive surgery that has less risks, then they will not lose more that those 100 pounds. Most of the people that have these types of surgeries are way over 100 pounds overweight. It's really something that each individual person and their doctors need to decide. 

My nephew wanted the surgery that would help him lose 100 pounds. He decided to try losing the weight on his own and lost the first 100 by himself, but then he went back to old habits and he started gaining weight very quickly. this is going to happen to anyone that doesn't make a life change instead of just a temporary one!


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## sapientia

Maricha75 said:


> Ehhh... no. In one other thread, you told me that I have no idea what I am talking about regarding male sexuality and porn use. While I don't know about *every* man, I do know about my husband.
> 
> But that is a different topic. The reason I agree with your advice on this thread is because it is sound.


Reminds me of a recently banned poster. LOL, maybe he made a new account. j/k


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## Unicus

Maricha75 said:


> Ehhh... no. In one other thread, you told me that I have no idea what I am talking about regarding male sexuality and porn use. While I don't know about *every* man, I do know about my husband.
> 
> But that is a different topic. The reason I agree with your advice on this thread is because it is sound.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk



Ehhh...yes. You overgeneralized about all men based on your experience from your one man. That deserved to be mentioned. Objectivity, good. 

I appreciate your ability to recognize the soundness of my adivce on the other thread, though.


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## Maricha75

Unicus said:


> Ehhh...yes. You overgeneralized about all men based on your experience from your one man. That deserved to be mentioned. Objectivity, good.
> 
> I appreciate your ability to recognize the soundness of my adivce on the other thread, though.


No, actually, I didn't. If anything, you overgeneralized. The only thing I said was *not all men require/look at*. It wasn't only based on my "one man" either. 

The soundness of your advice on this thread is *gasp* seated in my own experience, as well as other WLS patients I know. 😂

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## Bibi1031

@Maricha75, is this the same person that posted that there was no such thing as being addicted to porn?

I went back and looked up that particular thread and sure enough, it's him.


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## sapientia

Ladies, I've reported the argumentative, baiting posts.


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## EleGirl

*This arguing between members is of no help to the OP. From here on out either post directly to the OP in support of the OP, or don't post on this thread. I'd hate to have to ban anyone.*


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## jerrymartin947

Yes, Working Wife, that is what I am trying to say, but I'm so confused I'm afraid that my thoughts are coming out incoherently. The woman eats insatiably- WAY past, frightfully more than, what you or I can consume. Almost every night I find her sitting at the kitchen table in a stupor, slumped over, unable to move, her clothes strewn along with the refuse from her binge. i have to help her to her room or she will just crawl there. But I will try to follow your advice. It's just that I feel so alone, as if no one knows what it's like living with a wife who is so out of control. I have NEVER resorted to complaining to anyone about her, though. I do my level-best to keep in mind that she is still my wife.


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## WorkingWife

Bibi1031 said:


> I have a sister that experienced the hormone imbalance at midlife and her weight soared. She had never had weight issues before midlife and no problem over eating either. Bariatric surgery was not for her as her issues slowly but surely got resolved because she went to the doctors before her weight was out of control. Her thyroid was also making her gain weight. The excessive eating caused bloating and intestinal problems as well as kidney and liver issues. It was a bad time for her indeed. Good thing she didn't suffer from terrible hot flashes, insomnia, anxiety, depression and other ailments that women go through at midlife/menopause.


Crazy! Glad she got some help. It's funny with menopause - I actually thought I was getting off easy compared to the stories my older friends told about it. It wasn't until after I saw someone and got on some hormones that I was able to appreciate just how bad off I'd been emotionally. The never ending desire to eat was distressing as I am very vain about my weight, but even more distressing is I would NOT eat despite the strong desire, and I still kept gaining weight! How is it that the body is having hot flashes AND gaining weight? Shouldn't those be burning extra calories?!

Anyhow, the original post here actually sounded made up to me at first! But assuming it's true, something happened and he needs to insist his wife get some help. The person going through it often doesn't have the perspective to understand how wrong things have gotten.


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## Bibi1031

jerrymartin947 said:


> I have NEVER resorted to complaining to anyone about her, though. I do my level-best to keep in mind that she is still my wife.


Yes she is and she needs your help because she is ill. How long has Beverly been doing this over eating thing? Can you remember how she got started? 400 pounds is very heavy, was she over weight before the eating disorder occurred?

Based on her mother's humiliating incident, my guess is that she was not that heavy to start with, otherwise, mom would not have humiliated her daughter like she did. Did no one in the family realize that she needed professional help?


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## jerrymartin947

I was afraid that someone would ask me this question; I almost omitted the detail it references out of embarrassment over its answer. But, yes, I did stop twice to get her what she wanted. (And walked around the parking lot of the second stop while she devoured it.) No one, and I mean NO ONE, knows what that woman is like when she is hungry. The moaning and groaning, the pleading- 'Oh Jerry, I want it so badly; I beg you to stop,' over and over- the Loony Tunes behavior (like pulling her pants down and making animal noises)- I can take only so much of it while driving. We argue about her eating almost every single time we get in the car. On long trips, she just sits in the backseat and feasts, while I turn up the radio so that I don't have to listen to her loud chewing and happy noises. On those occasions, and others where she is out of control, I can't help but thinking of her as beastly.


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## Bibi1031

Jerry, do you have children with Beverly? How long have you been married to her? Who else lives with you and her on a daily basis? 

Do you not think something is seriously wrong with her medically speaking? You seem more grossed out than concerned IMO. 

It's just weird!


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## jerrymartin947

Dear Bibi,

Beverly has been overeating for the last 15 years, but the problem has gotten much worse as of late. Well-intentioned people have been telling her to seek professional help for some time now. And, yes, she was normal sized woman until her binging began, a VERY attractive lady, not only in my eyes, but everyone else's as well.


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## jerrymartin947

Bibi,

I am concerned AND grossed out. We have no children and live alone. If I sound weird, it's because I am venting, which, frankly, I've never done before. Sorry.


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## Bibi1031

15 years is a long time, no wonder her weight is out of control. She really needs medical attention. You need to put your foot down and set up that doctor's appointment to get the ball rolling in the direction of helping her out; if she doesn't listen, you will have to tell her that you can't deal with this anymore because you know it is detrimental to her health and your marriage. 

You are not getting your needs met because she has been too busy overeating to pay any attention to anything else. This has taken a toll on your feelings towards her. She needs to get her self control back with professional help. You will be there by her side, but you will not enable her over eating anymore. 

I wish you luck with that. If you can't do this alone, please seek help from friends and family. Everyone needs to help her to seek help!


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## sapientia

This sounds just like an alcoholic. 15 years ago she was a lot younger and her body better able to take the abuse. Time is going to catch her up very soon.

She needs to see someone of authority -- a doctor -- who will tell her if she doesn't do something soon she is going to die. Diabetes is going to come knocking very soon if it hasn't already. Get her checked out for anything more serious as I already posted.

YOU need to stop enabling her. Draw your line in the sand down and refuse to tolerate her addiction. So what she whinges? Would you rather she die? What is the worst thing that happens, she divorces you?

My H and I gained some weight from a really stressful period of our careers over a period of a couple of years. 12-14 hour work days, lots of dinners, booze, travel, not enough exercise... it's remarkably easy to put on 10 lbs a year. Finally, after 30 lbs I put my foot down. Vanity and fear for our health kicked in. I reminded us about WHY we work so hard -- a beautiful retirement -- that we wouldn't enjoy if we destroyed our health to build our wealth.

I insisted on a trainer, I threw out the junk food (multiple times), kept healthy snacks immediately available in the fridge, insisted we drink sparkling water at events. One glass of red wine at dinner on a weekend if we were out or entertaining. I pushed my H to exercise harder than he was, b/c I knew he could do more. We are in a much healthier place today, but it was a LOT of work. We did it together.

Doctors can help to inform her about the seriousness of her behaviour but they can't make her change. Consider taking a couple weeks to go visit a "health retreat" that will restrict her diet and be more active with medical supervision. 

Good luck.


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## tropicalbeachiwish

sapientia said:


> This sounds just like an alcoholic. 15 years ago she was a lot younger and her body better able to take the abuse. Time is going to catch her up very soon.
> 
> She needs to see someone of authority -- a doctor -- who will tell her if she doesn't do something soon she is going to die. Diabetes is going to come knocking very soon if it hasn't already. Get her checked out for anything more serious as I already posted.
> 
> YOU need to stop enabling her. Draw your line in the sand down and refuse to tolerate her addiction. So what she whinges? Would you rather she die? What is the worst thing that happens, she divorces you?
> 
> My H and I gained some weight from a really stressful period of our careers over a period of a couple of years. 12-14 hour work days, lots of dinners, booze, travel, not enough exercise... it's remarkably easy to put on 10 lbs a year. Finally, after 30 lbs I put my foot down. Vanity and fear for our health kicked in. I reminded us about WHY we work so hard -- a beautiful retirement -- that we wouldn't enjoy if we destroyed our health to build our wealth.
> 
> I insisted on a trainer, I threw out the junk food (multiple times), kept healthy snacks immediately available in the fridge, insisted we drink sparkling water at events. One glass of red wine at dinner on a weekend if we were out or entertaining. I pushed my H to exercise harder than he was, b/c I knew he could do more. We are in a much healthier place today, but it was a LOT of work. We did it together.
> 
> Doctors can help to inform her about the seriousness of her behaviour but they can't make her change. Consider taking a couple weeks to go visit a "health retreat" that will restrict her diet and be more active with medical supervision.
> 
> Good luck.


Yes, that's why I was asking if he stopped to get her food. Because he's enabling it and that has to stop. I don't know anything about food addiction but I know about alcohol addiction. Let her feel the consequences of her actions. It'll be hard but you have to let her hit rock bottom. Stop the focusing on her and regain your own identity. Have you suggested therapy for her and if so, what was her reaction? Sorry, but honestly, I have thought that this story isn't real.


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## veganmermaid

I've posted before (on my other account which I've locked myself out of) about my eating disorder history. Long story short, I've had an eating disorder of some kind (usually anorexia nervosa-restricting type, but punctuated by brief periods of exercise bulimia, orthorexia, anorexia atypical, and, yes, sometimes binge eating disorder) for 14+ years. What you describe is absolutely an eating disorder and your poor wife needs specialized help. 

Can she go to an eating disorder clinic for an assessment? These clinics have programs like intensive outpatient care that may really help her get free of this disease - because it is a very serious psychiatric illness.

This transcends compulsive overeating or lack of willpower or whatever. She is very sick and she needs help. See if her MD or a therapist can help you get her to an eating disorder clinic.

Sent from my VS986 using Tapatalk


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## jerrymartin947

2 of the diets that I mentioned in my original post were doctor supervised- both ended in failure. The 2nd time she was dismissed from a local hospital for violating its policy on bringing in food. Long story short, she and another male patient were found glutting in a car. The security guard thought that they were having sex, because both of them had pulled down their pants and Beverly wasn't even wearing a bra. That was the closest I ever came to leaving her, which the man's wife did- on the spot. (Before she left she said to me, 'I can assure you that there was no sex; that pig hasn't been able to get it up in years.') Beverly then begged me right in front of the doctor and his nurse to 'give her another chance,' promising to diet on her own. But that attempt at regaining control of her appetite obviously also ended in another abject failure. Thank you for your concern and thoughtful response.


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## sapientia

Jerry - in all seriousness, I'm going to post a response I typically wouldn't on a site like this. You need to find a physician who specializes in *addiction* NOT just diet or weight loss, as they are NOT the same thing. There are common elements to an addiction, particularly neurochemical ones that only the former will understand that can help you and your wife form a treatment plan.

1. Rule out other causes such as tumours, etc.

2. Discuss with the physician prescriptions specifically for treating addiction. There are several pathways, and your wife may need a combination to get her acute symptoms under control. I'm not going to make specific suggestions, but will start you off here:

New Prescriptions for Addiction Treatment

3. Combine the pharmacologic therapy with a medically supervised retreat with exercise and calorie restriction. Success will require both.

Get some early results and then consider a longer term solution such as one of the bariatric surgeries.

I wish you and your wife best wishes on this difficult, but surmountable journey. She is lucky to have your devotion. Good luck.


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## WorkingWife

jerrymartin947 said:


> I was afraid that someone would ask me this question; I almost omitted the detail it references out of embarrassment over its answer. But, yes, I did stop twice to get her what she wanted. (And walked around the parking lot of the second stop while she devoured it.) No one, and I mean NO ONE, knows what that woman is like when she is hungry. The moaning and groaning, the pleading- 'Oh Jerry, I want it so badly; I beg you to stop,' over and over- the Loony Tunes behavior *(like pulling her pants down and making animal noises)*- I can take only so much of it while driving. We argue about her eating almost every single time we get in the car. On long trips, she just sits in the backseat and feasts, while I turn up the radio so that I don't have to listen to her loud chewing and happy noises. On those occasions, and others where she is out of control, I can't help but thinking of her as beastly.


WHAT?!

Are you saying that you are driving along in the car and she pulls her pants down and makes animal noises so you will buy her food?

If she is 400 lbs, how does she manage to pull her pants down in a car? But more importantly - What explanation does *she *give for why she is pulling her pants down and making animal noises? Do you think she is lucid when she is doing this? 

I saw in your other post where she and a man pulled their pants down and binged. What is the deal with pulling pants down?


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## jerrymartin947

WorkingWife said:


> WHAT?!
> 
> Are you saying that you are driving along in the car and she pulls her pants down and makes animal noises so you will buy her food?
> 
> If she is 400 lbs, how does she manage to pull her pants down in a car? But more importantly - What explanation does *she *give for why she is pulling her pants down and making animal noises? Do you think she is lucid when she is doing this?
> 
> I saw in your other post where she and a man pulled their pants down and binged. What is the deal with pulling pants down?


Yes, she does things like that and paws at me until I pull over and give her her way. But, no the woman is not lucid; she's delirious, going out of her mind with food lust: 'Oh I want it so badly, Jerry; I'm going crazy, please I beg you to stop for me.' As for how she manages to pull her pants down, they are sweats, she simply does it. But I have no clue as to her motives, beyond unimaginable hunger.


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## jerrymartin947

'Earlier today, this post stated she and the male patient were found glutting in her hospital suite's bathroom and she was totally naked.'

You think it was only 1 time they binged together? There were multiple occasions on which they snuck in food, to places all over the hospital. (My wife is sick, but she has not lost her ability to prevaricate, in fact, if anything her deceitfulness has increased in direct proportion to her appetite.) It has been years since they took place and, yeah, I've conflated some of the details in my memory. I submitted my initial recollection of the hospital's reason for removing Beverly from their obesity clinic and then realized several minutes later that I'd confused it with something the man's wife had said about her: 'You realize they've been doing this the whole time? Your wife doesn't even bother putting any clothes on when he comes to see her at night for their little feast. There are pictures on his cellphone of her eating naked on the bathroom floor. I am sooo out of here!'


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## Haiku

jerrymartin947 said:


> ...but she would only mutter over and over 'I can't stop, Jerry, I can't stop. I want it so bad!'
> 
> ...
> 
> Finally, she emerged from the room, saying 'When he leaves you fatso, I won't blame him a bit.' Then they left. No sooner had the door closed than Beverly came crawling out of her bedroom and threw her arms around my waist. 'I beg you not to see her,' she cried.





EleGirl said:


> *This arguing between members is of no help to the OP. From here on out either post directly to the OP in support of the OP, or don't post on this thread. I'd hate to have to ban anyone.*



Dear Jerry - I support you. I have to go.


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## jerrymartin947

Dear Haiku,

TY very much for your support. I came here to commiserate with other spouses struggling with addictions in their marriage and you have ended my weekend on a sympathetic note. 

Your friend,

Jerry


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## 225985

OP.

Does your wife work? And who is buying and cooking all this food? You? Are you enabling this? IMO you are doing more harm giving her the food rather than just put up with her "begging". Are you codependent?

Listen, I know this is not easy but for the next step, YOU need to seek individual counseling for two very important reasons. 1) You need to learn how to cope with this problem and 2) you need to learn how not to contribute to this problem.


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## MrsAldi

Hi Jerry, 

Did she ever get a diagnosis from the hospital in the obesity clinic? 

There are many reasons why some people have a chronic eating disorder. 

Has she been taking any antidepressants in the last 5/10 years? 
- Rare side effects are those such as over eating, a feeling of never being able to feel full. Always thinking about food. 

Does she feel remorseful after eating? Does she go on about starting some new diet every week, but fails to put a plan into action? 
-They could be signs of a body/eating disorders/form of depression disorders. 

Does she have a eating fetish? 
- She may have gotten involved in this with the man in the clinic.
He may have promised her food if she agreed to nudity & pictures. 
It's a sort of slight BDSM where parties get a pleasure from "feeding"
Sex is rarely a part of that. 

Something from her childhood, where the parents or siblings had issues with food or used food as a comfort/coping mechanism? 

The key is to find a diagnosis & work from there on. 

I hope that can be of some help to you. 






Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## norajane

jerrymartin947 said:


> I was afraid that someone would ask me this question; I almost omitted the detail it references out of embarrassment over its answer. But, yes, I did stop twice to get her what she wanted. (And walked around the parking lot of the second stop while she devoured it.) No one, and I mean NO ONE, knows what that woman is like when she is hungry. The moaning and groaning, the pleading- 'Oh Jerry, I want it so badly; I beg you to stop,' over and over- *the Loony Tunes behavior (like pulling her pants down and making animal noises)*- I can take only so much of it while driving. We argue about her eating almost every single time we get in the car. On long trips, she just sits in the backseat and feasts, while I turn up the radio so that I don't have to listen to her loud chewing and happy noises. On those occasions, and others where she is out of control, I can't help but thinking of her as beastly.





> You think it was only 1 time they binged together? There were multiple occasions on which they snuck in food, to places all over the hospital. (*My wife is sick*, but she has not lost her ability to prevaricate, in fact, if anything her deceitfulness has increased in direct proportion to her appetite.) It has been years since they took place and, yeah, I've conflated some of the details in my memory. I submitted my initial recollection of the hospital's reason for removing Beverly from their obesity clinic and then realized several minutes later that I'd confused it with something the man's wife had said about her: 'You realize they've been doing this the whole time? *Your wife doesn't even bother putting any clothes on when he comes to see her at night for their little feast. There are pictures on his cellphone of her eating naked on the bathroom floor. I am sooo out of here!'*


Yes, she is very sick. You aren't going to be able to help her because she is mentally ill, and has an eating disorder (illness). 

She needs psychiatric and physcial medical care. If she won't go to get it, nothing will change. So you have to decide how much is "enough" for you. When will it be "too much" for you to deal with any longer? If she refuses to get help, that's all you have to consider - what will your plan be for YOUR life if she refuses to get mental and physical help for her issues? How much of your life do you want to lose to her illnesses?


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## jerrymartin947

Dear NMRN4,

I am reading your thoughtful response at work so I am not currently at liberty to answer most of your highly pertinent questions. I will try to set aside some time this evening to respond to them. What I do want to put to rest right away, though, is the notion that I somehow 'enable' Beverly's gluttony. Yes, I've caved in to her pleading and stopped while we were driving so that she could satisfy her omnipresent food lust. But that's it. I don't bring food home for her nor take her out to eat unless it's for a special occasion like our anniversary or her birthday. Nor do I even give her the $ for it; she has her own. (I myself can't even taste food due to the xerostomia from which I suffer due to the radiation I received for throat cancer- now if that's isn't irony I don't know what is.) As for her general health, believe it or not it's good- all of her vitals are well within the normal range. (One doctor rather indiscreetly said to me 'Your wife has the constitution of an ox.') The only medical problem from which she suffers due to her weight is female impotence. Years ago she confessed to a therapist that she had 'lost the urge for sex.' The doctor then explained to her that her inability to become aroused sexually was probably being caused by all the excess weight she was carrying around her middle. (She weighed over 400 lbs. at the time.)

Thank you and have nice day.

Jerry


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## Maricha75

Jerry, you're not going to like this, but... when you stop and give in while driving in the car, you are enabling. Enabling is not *just* bringing the food home to her. Enabling also entails giving in to her requests outside the home. 

I have to be honest, here. Much of what you post, I am having a very difficult time believing. Oh, I believe some could be true... Maybe. But much of it, having been that big, myself, years ago, I am having a VERY difficult time believing. And those things cause me to question the entire thing. But, because *some* of it, a very small portion, resonates with me, I will continue to respond to those parts that I believe. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## jerrymartin947

Thank you Maricha for your kindness and understanding. I can appreciate your incredulity; much of what I have experienced with Beverly's illness is hard even for ME to believe. Then again, addiction, as I have also learned, is a very strange beast indeed. In any event, I will continue to be grateful for whatever advice and support you provide. Jerry


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## badsanta

@jerrymartin947

What if her overeating is a self fulfilling prophecy you created by perhaps fussing about what she eats BEFORE she had this problem? Now binge eating is her way to control and punish you. Did you fuss at her before she had this problem?

While obviously you do not want to enable her, perhaps experiment with allowing her to have full control over your diet and see what happens. 

Badsanta


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## MrsAldi

Hi Jerry, 

Please check out the food addicts anonymous website to check if symptoms match. 

Welcome to Food Addicts Anonymous


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## sapientia

Jerry, keep us updated on next steps. Not to be a web voyeur but b/c it seems there is very little support online for this kind of situation. Post when you need support and good luck.


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## Jasel

She needs to see a psychiatrist who specializes in addiction. Also might not be a bad idea to see a neurologist and get a full work up by a physician and have her hormone levels checked. 

Shaming her, arguing with her, and trying to get her to diet through will power isn't going to change anything.


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## 225985

jerrymartin947 said:


> Thank you Maricha for your kindness and understanding. I can appreciate your incredulity; much of what I have experienced with Beverly's illness is hard even for ME to believe. Then again, addiction, as I have also learned, is a very strange beast indeed. In any event, I will continue to be grateful for whatever advice and support you provide. Jerry


There was another thread a couple months back. The OP's wife did the exact opposite. Did not eat. Won't eat. She was down to 106 lbs. He stopped posting. I wonder if she survived. Both stories are life threatening. I don't buy the health fat story. I have seen first hand how serious conditions remain diagnosed or unknown until way too late. For example, unless she has a liver biopsy, you will never know if she has fatty liver, which will eventually lead to liver failure.

Good luck OP.


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## jerrymartin947

Thanks Sapentia. I will continue to check back for new responses to my original post and, should time permit, respond thereto and/or let folks know if there is any significant change, for better or worse, in my wife's condition. While I'm here, I might as well say that she's in the next room right now glutting and talking to herself.


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## ThreeStrikes

I'd be out the door. It's impossible to have a healthy, functional relationship with an addict.

If she is unable to admit she has an addiction, and get the necessary counselling and treatment, then you only have one option. 

I have no idea why you would tolerate a relationship like this. I suggest counselling for yourself to get to the root of that issue. (codependence?)


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## sapientia

Jasel said:


> *She needs to see a psychiatrist who specializes in addiction. *Also might not be a bad idea to see a neurologist and get a full work up by a physician and have her hormone levels checked.





jerrymartin947 said:


> Thanks Sapentia. I will continue to check back for new responses to my original post and, should time permit, respond them and/or let folks know if there is any significant change, for better or worse, in my wife's condition. While I'm here, I might as well say that she's in the next room right now glutting and talking to herself.


You're getting this advice from multiple sources.

My only add is to be mindful of your own mental health. Addiction is a draining experience for the family also. You are in an emotionally very vulnerable place right now --you should consider counselling for yourself also. Good luck.


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## jimrich

jerrymartin947 said:


> I told her that she needed professional help and offered to find it for her, but that she would have to take the first step and admit to having an eating disorder.


IMO, over eating is similar to alcohol and drug addictions where the victim has connected food with love or self worth due to some kind of childhood trauma so the food becomes all important as the victim's ONLY SOURCE of love, attention and significance or security. From your account, I have no idea what happened to Beverly as a child but her mom seems quite aggressive or mean-spirited so perhaps Beverly was seriously abused or neglected as a child and is addicted to getting her "feel good" from food. If she is ever willing to get into therapy or an over-eaters anonymous support group, she might discover the hidden, buried and repressed reasons for why she uses food the way she does now. Early childhood conditioning and programming is NO JOKE as you can plainly see so something has to open Beverly's eyes to what happened to her and how to undo the damages BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! As with alcoholics, you might have to put some pressure on her to FORCE her to see that she does indeed need help. As her husband, you are in the best position to make her see that both of you need some help here! I'd just tell her that it's the food or you and then let her decide which one she wants! I sure as hell would not spend the rest of my life in such a hopeless union with a food addict or any other kind of addict! :surprise:


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## Satya




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## SunCMars

Suicide by cheeseburger...

Obsessive compulsive disorder...

An overactive hypothalmus....
............................................................................................................................................
Doctors are working on a medicine to turn off hunger.

"n a new study "The short-chain fatty acid acetate reduces appetite via a central homeostatic mechanism" published in the journal Nature Communications April 29, researchers from the Imperial College London discovered how high-fiber foods such as cereals and bread help suppress appetite.

They found that the fiber in these foods release acetate when digested and this so called anti-appetite molecule travels to the brain where it builds up in the hypothalamus and triggers chemical reactions that suppresses appetite and prompts the body to stop eating. The researchers have likewise observed that mice whose blood, colons or brains were directly injected with acetate tend to consume lesser amount of food.

"These data demonstrate a previously unexplored central mechanism through which the fermentation products of FC and dietary fibre may aid in the control of body weight," study researcher Gary Frost, from the Imperial College London, and colleagues wrote. "Moreover, it opens up important new possibilities for weight management as the supply of fermentable substrate to the colon (and therefore acetate production) can be modified."


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