# Separated recently



## Alisha7 (Oct 29, 2019)

Just wanted guidance how much should I put into celebrating my husbands birthday tomorrow. I was just going to wish him over a message and then cook him his favorite dish and bring him his fav dessert as he celebrates with his kids. Is that too much? We have been separated for two months and he has checked out of the marriage for the past 6 mths. He has definitely put me in the friend zone and am just wondering how much is too much. I am doing this out of love for him and yes hoping he sees somewhere deep down that i still love him and want to reconcile with him.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Yes it's too much, don't do it. And why are you both split who was unfaithful?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Ask the mods to put your two threads together. If you want .....


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You can text happy birthday then let it go.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

If he's the one who wants to end your relationship he needs to know what that will look like...ie. no special dinners from you for his birthday. Me personally I'd ignore it.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

3Xnocharm said:


> You can text happy birthday then let it go.


This just goes to show how certain things, brings out the best in some women. But as a guy, l would text FO loser.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Why would you do anything for his birthday?


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## Alisha7 (Oct 29, 2019)

Marduk said:


> Why would you do anything for his birthday?


Because i still love him 🙈 i tried not doing anything but my gut told me to do something small especially since my son is there with us and he offcourse was happy to have his mom n dad together. I dont know why everyone against me trying to reconcile with him. I was looking for hope here.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Well, you kept throwing the divorce card at him and he took you up on your offer. He's tasted freedom of you and, maybe he thinks his new woman wants him for who he is. And doesn't want him to go away. 

Not saying you can't but why because it's been quoted ' it's easier to stop a train from a train wreck , than it is to clean one up after it happens." But sorry if you are waiting for someone to side with you just shows you cannot make decisions, and if it fails you have someone to blame. Be your own Woman and do what you think. And if it works great you have what it takes to win him back.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Alisha7 said:


> Because i still love him 🙈 i tried not doing anything but my gut told me to do something small especially since my son is there with us and he offcourse was happy to have his mom n dad together. I dont know why everyone against me trying to reconcile with him. I was looking for hope here.


Listen. 

You blew it. 

He blew it. 

He’s gone. It’s over. You throwing out platitudes now isn’t going to help you move on. It’s not going to help you heal. It’s not going to prepare you for what’s next in your life. 

And - hint, hint, it’s going to take your 1% shot at getting back together and make it a 0% shot. 

There’s an extremely small chance that he’ll see you moving on and rethink reconciling. But, like jealousy, all you throwing yourself at him is going to do is drive him away more. 

Move on. Even if he did want you back, my advice would be the same.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Alisha7 said:


> Because i still love him 🙈 i tried not doing anything but my gut told me to do something small especially since my son is there with us and he offcourse was happy to have his mom n dad together. I dont know why everyone against me trying to reconcile with him. I was looking for hope here.


And why are you both split who was unfaithful?
Why avoid this question?
Answers can help us help you....but mostly help you help you.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Alisha7 said:


> Because i still love him 🙈 i tried not doing anything but my gut told me to do something small especially since my son is there with us and he offcourse was happy to have his mom n dad together. I dont know why everyone against me trying to reconcile with him. I was looking for hope here.


 @Alisha7 I am not at all against you reconciling. I just know that if you want him to see that he needs/wants you in his life, he needs to see what life without you will be like so he can realize it's not what he wants after all. It's like the old joke "how can I miss you if you won't go away?" 

I've also been the one that someone is desperately trying to win back and all those things they do to convince you of how much they love you are annoying as ****. Gifts, special stuff, dedicating songs, etc just pissed me off and made me want to leave all the quicker.

That's why I told you to ignore it. In an event, I hope things are going better for you now.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Alisha7 said:


> Because i still love him 🙈 i tried not doing anything but my gut told me to do something small especially since my son is there with us and he offcourse was happy to have his mom n dad together. I dont know why everyone against me trying to reconcile with him. I was looking for hope here.


We have seen this before and we all know how this goes. You doing the pick me dance is only pushing him away farther and faster. Have you met his new girlfriend yet?


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## Alisha7 (Oct 29, 2019)

notmyjamie said:


> Alisha7 said:
> 
> 
> > Because i still love him 🙈 i tried not doing anything but my gut told me to do something small especially since my son is there with us and he offcourse was happy to have his mom n dad together. I dont know why everyone against me trying to reconcile with him. I was looking for hope here.
> ...


Thank you. Things are so so. Yes i am working on myself and not bothering him. We keep it “ business like” talking about our kids only. Yes he needs to see what is life without me but how is he supposed to experience that as he still sees me every week (he comes home to be with the kids but does not stay too long). Any thoughts?


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## Alisha7 (Oct 29, 2019)

StillSearching said:


> Alisha7 said:
> 
> 
> > Because i still love him 🙈 i tried not doing anything but my gut told me to do something small especially since my son is there with us and he offcourse was happy to have his mom n dad together. I dont know why everyone against me trying to reconcile with him. I was looking for hope here.
> ...





3Xnocharm said:


> Alisha7 said:
> 
> 
> > Because i still love him 🙈 i tried not doing anything but my gut told me to do something small especially since my son is there with us and he offcourse was happy to have his mom n dad together. I dont know why everyone against me trying to reconcile with him. I was looking for hope here.
> ...


I am giving his space and keeping texting to only about our kids. I dont speak about the relationship. I def blew it for the last two mths resenting him for leaving home. I do not know if he has a woman in his life or not. Am just assuming there is as which man gives up sex completely lol (in the past i offered and he declined. Lesson learned. Never will offer again).


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Alisha7 said:


> I am giving his space and keeping texting to only about our kids. I dont speak about the relationship. I def blew it for the last two mths resenting him for leaving home. I do not know if he has a woman in his life or not. Am just assuming there is as which man gives up sex completely lol (in the past i offered and he declined. Lesson learned. Never will offer again).


When it comes to cheating I always think there are different levels. Ons, cheating with an ex, cheating with a family friend etc. 
In my humble opinion a man who cheats on his wife while she’s pregnant with his baby is the lowest form of life, a complete and utter scumbag who should get the ass kicking of a lifetime on a weekly basis. 
And in your own words he cheated “ throughout your pregnancy” and is now pissed because he has to pay rent on both the family house and his bachelor apartment. 
Why would you want him back?
Try and get some individual counseling to help you understand why you need a complete waster like this in your life.


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