# Heartbroken



## Therigwelder

My wife separated from me last week and I have been having real difficulties.i have cried,begged become depressed and suicidal the whole gambit.i try calling and texting constantly.now I am at the point where I realize that none of the above actions are going to bring the woman I love back.she left me because I am an ******* and I wasn't hearing her when she was saying she wasn't happy I thought it would go away. And secondly my wife is disabled and has spent a lot of time in hospitals,I thought she depended and needed me,wrong.
She says she dosent want to be in a marriage or relationship with anyone.she wants to do her and her kids for a change. She said she does not want to reconcile ever, she is done and she is bitter.
She has no place to live and is staying with freinds for the moment.i am going to put a large camper of mine in a rv park for her and the kids to live in also I am going to continue paying her cell phone bill and other things I can help with.she has a job but only makes minimum wage.but it will be difficult to make ends meet.
Through all the begging crying and pleading I have been doing she has agreed to meet me tonight to hang out.i want my marriage to work out.this is the second time in less than a year she left me.i have really dropped the ball. She says and tells me she loves me claiming that was never the point and she has pledged fidelity stating that she would not put me or the kids through that and she wouldn't want it done to her.we have both been faithful throughout the marriage.she also says she dosen't want to leave me stuck out and is willing to pay the household bills for me,that was a role she always did.She voluntarily said she would come wash laundry today when I asked her for directions to using our computerized washing machine.she claims I am her best freind still and that I will always be faimly to her no matter what happens .she has not entirely closed her mind that we won't get back together but I was told not to push her because it wouldn't work out for me.my wife is very head strong,stubborn and very much a free spirited woman and does not like to be grounded.I on the other hand am a very responsible hard working by the book person.what can I do? Where do I begin lproving my worth again? I want to spend as much time as she allows me with her but I want her to see I am truly sorry and won't break her heart again .she has made it crystal clear in a text to me what I have been doing wrong the last 2 years or so.i want to believe that I am still in her heart and I am willing to work to be the man I was again.i have not been the best father to her kids and when she left me last time that was her chief complaint well when I convinced her to come home I changed that problem and now have a decent relationship with the teenage children.she stated yesterday that I do a good job turning that around.my biggest problem is I don't fix the problems till its to late.i need all the help I can get I don't want to lose her or worse she continues to harden her heart till I end in the freind zone!!!'.i will work hard any suggestions or answers I get I will try


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## lifeistooshort

So were you abusive, thinking that because she has health issues she can't go anywhere?

I get that vibe from you..... please clarify.


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## Therigwelder

lifeistooshort said:


> So were you abusive, thinking that because she has health issues she can't go anywhere?
> 
> I get that vibe from you..... please clarify.


No physical abuse I would never raise my hand.my downfall was mental abuse. My wife sent me a text of what I have done and she is correct.as I stated my wife is a free spirit she has never met a stranger and talks to anyone and everyone like she has known them all her life.she will go above and beyond at her own personal cost people have told me she is to helpful.i am going to insert her text that she sent me here

You took me for granted you tried to control me 
You tied to alienate me from everyone 
You tired to alienate all my attention to everything or anyone 
You made me feel worthless 
You made me doubt my self 
Doubt my self esteem 
I tried my damndest to make that house some what of a HOME and you had to have it a flea marker or a damn tool storage or what ever else
I feel I got no help unless it was for you to add on to the house 
You wouldn't go do **** unless I was right by your side 
You smothered me 
And pushed me out 
In turn I JUST DIDNT GIVE A **** ANYMORE. 
I'm NOT A BAD person 
I never set out to hurt you 
We have had many a good time. 
The bad lately is just out weighing the good anymore. 
All the *****ing and griping has wore me down
Emotional and mental and physical 
I'm a HAPPY PERSON
ALL THE NEGATIVITY I CANT DO ANYMORE 
We have grown apart or I have grown away from you I don't know which! 
I know I have some what shut down. 
I know how bad it would hurt you to see me with some one else 
I would not do that to you 
I would not want it done to me 
I DONT WANT ANYONE 
I JUST WANT TO DO ME FOR A CHANGE AND JUST LIVE LIFE INE DAY AT AT TIME



She is absolutely correct.i becamehurt and upset over time the very qualities that I fell in love with in my wife I felt I was losing I wanted to be the most important thing in her life like I once was.i felt I deserved that for all the time I spent in hospitals over the last 10 years with her for strokes and seizures almost losing her leg and the wide range of auto immune disorders..I have been the one holding her ,crying with her ,, begging the dr to do something,praying to god he take me instead of her when she was on deaths door.my wife has just started work recently and she has made a ton of new freinds and I became more jealous and insecure.my wife is wild she has always been faithful but wild she laughs all the time,runs the roads is never home and parties all the time smokes weed everyday all day and with whoever she can. I have always taken care of my wife I go to work everyday to be able to do for her and show her my love and appreciation.my wife never wanted for much. But I wanted to be the center of her world and I didn't know how to be anymore I seemed like the last person in her life and she wouldn't make time for me.i *****ed complained about her ways and how she was doing things trying to get her to be more responsible and take care of me.i was getting tired and hurtof the male advances disguised as friendships from the guys that would come almost every day to talk with her at subway where she works.they would go behind the store to smoke weed together and a lot of times she gets her weed from these guys.my wife would say I was over reacting and I shouldn't be hurt she wasnt doing wrong.but it hurts me I was trying to control her and alienate her from people.i was trying to force my wife into noticing me again loving me. I am making no excuses for my actions what I did was wrong very wrong I can only imagine her pain .she would come to me and say she wasn't happy and I would dismiss her and thought it would go away.i love my wife as much as I always have and I want to talke care of her again


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## Herschel

You ever see Groundhog day?

Phil Conners spends a vast majority of the movie trying to win the love of Rita. He gets close, then he gets sloppy and gets slapped in the ace repeatedly. Then he refocuses. He becomes all about improving himself. He tries to be the best damn Phil Conners he can be. He focuses NOTHING about her and winning her love.

#SpoilerAlert She falls for him in the end.

Be a better man. Don't do it for her. Do it for you. Maybe you win her back. Maybe you win you back. Either way, you win.


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## SunCMars

Wow!

You know the whole story. You have this plot memorized. All the lines uttered, all the lines of demarcation.

Believe her when she tells you she is done.

Between her health issues and your dominance, she is defeated. She is screaming out for help.

She needs time away from you and she needs intensive mental counseling.

She is vulnerable...for drug abuse, sexual conquest, mental breakdown, suicide.


Edit: Consider letting her go. Hindsight is 100%. Especially after reading your newer posts!


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## Therigwelder

I don't know what you mean about a plot. I am a very honest man. I know the story because I am living it and I want to be factuality right. I do understand about the boundaries I was putting around her. I do now realize the extent of the damage my words my emotional BS has caused.I will listen to you mars. She is coming to pick me up this evening and I will let her speak of what she wants.i want her to tell me how bad I've been to her,I want her to vent on me.i will be gentle and kind to her.I am such a Dumba$$


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## TBT

Therigwelder said:


> I became more jealous and insecure.my wife is wild she has always been faithful but wild she laughs all the time*,runs the roads is never home and parties all the time smokes weed everyday all day and with whoever she can.* I have always taken care of my wife I go to work everyday to be able to do for her and show her my love and appreciation.my wife never wanted for much. But I wanted to be the center of her world and I didn't know how to be anymore I seemed like the last person in her life and she wouldn't make time for me.i *****ed complained about her ways and how she was doing things trying to get her to be more responsible and take care of me.*i was getting tired and hurtof the male advances disguised as friendships from the guys that would come almost every day to talk with her at subway where she works.they would go behind the store to smoke weed together and a lot of times she gets her weed from these guys.*my wife would say I was over reacting and I shouldn't be hurt she wasnt doing wrong.but it hurts me I was trying to control her and alienate her from people.i was trying to force my wife into noticing me again loving me. I am making no excuses for my actions what I did was wrong very wrong I can only imagine her pain .she would come to me and say she wasn't happy and I would dismiss her and thought it would go away.i love my wife as much as I always have and I want to talke care of her again


If the above is true then it seems like she was already living her life as a single person and it would bother me as well if I was married to her.


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## samyeagar

First thing...don't ever ask her how to run household appliances again...Google is your friend.


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## 3Xnocharm

Therigwelder said:


> She is absolutely correct.i becamehurt and upset over time the very qualities that I fell in love with in my wife I felt I was losing I wanted to be the most important thing in her life like I once was.i felt I deserved that for all the time I spent in hospitals over the last 10 years with her for strokes and seizures almost losing her leg and the wide range of auto immune disorders..I have been the one holding her ,crying with her ,, begging the dr to do something,praying to god he take me instead of her when she was on deaths door.m*y wife has just started work recently and she has made a ton of new freinds and I became more jealous and insecure.my wife is wild she has always been faithful but wild she laughs all the time,runs the roads is never home and parties all the time smokes weed everyday all day and with whoever she can. I have always taken care of my wife I go to work everyday to be able to do for her and show her my love and appreciation.my wife never wanted for much. But I wanted to be the center of her world and I didn't know how to be anymore I seemed like the last person in her life and she wouldn't make time for me.i *****ed complained about her ways and how she was doing things trying to get her to be more responsible and take care of me.i was getting tired and hurtof the male advances disguised as friendships from the guys that would come almost every day to talk with her at subway where she works.they would go behind the store to smoke weed together and a lot of times she gets her weed from these guys.*my wife would say I was over reacting and I shouldn't be hurt she wasnt doing wrong.but it hurts me I was trying to control her and alienate her from people.i was trying to force my wife into noticing me again loving me. I am making no excuses for my actions what I did was wrong very wrong I can only imagine her pain .she would come to me and say she wasn't happy and I would dismiss her and thought it would go away.i love my wife as much as I always have and I want to talke care of her again


Um..so yeah... YOU were not in the wrong with this part. Not wanting her to do these things is NOT you trying to control her. She WAS doing wrong, she is gaslighting you, she actually has you believing her bullcrap that you were being controlling. 

Just let her go, she doesnt sound worth fighting for. And for the love of god, learn how to run your household!


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## Marc878

You chase they move even farther away.


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## Betrayedone

Let her go.......She wants to spread her wings.....and her legs.......and go wild. Her behavior is not going to be pretty. With her health issues, it sounds like something very bad could happen.


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## anchorwatch

@Therigwelder,

You can't change her, she can only do that herself. You can change yourself.

You don't have control over what she does. You do have control over what you do.

Stop chasing her and start working on improving you...


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## aine

Therigwelder said:


> I don't know what you mean about a plot. I am a very honest man. I know the story because I am living it and I want to be factuality right. I do understand about the boundaries I was putting around her. I do now realize the extent of the damage my words my emotional BS has caused.I will listen to you mars. She is coming to pick me up this evening and I will let her speak of what she wants.i want her to tell me how bad I've been to her,I want her to vent on me.i will be gentle and kind to her.I am such a Dumba$$


Yes, maybe you are to blame but for a man to stand by her the way you did through all her illness and for her to start hanging out with guys, smoking pot and having no respect for your or your feelings suggests to me that she is out of line.

YOu need to back off from her, start working on yourself, get IC, go to the gym, make new friends, take up a new hobby. You are far too co-dependent on her.
Do the 180, disengage, no more begging, crying, wishing, whining, etc. Just go cold stone no contact. She is supposed to be your wife, meet your needs, not treat you like **** which she is doing imo.

When you stop chasing her, looking out for her, engaging with her, then see what happens, I guarantee you she wont be so hung up on having her freedom. Hopefully by then you wont give a **** one way or another.

What you need to know is that 'when you are willing to lose your marriage' and know that you will be fine with or without it that something has changed inside of you. That is where you need to be.

NO-one and I mean NO-ONE should make you feel the way she is making you feel.


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## SunCMars

I did. I did. I did.

I did get my flip, flopped on this one.

I saw her predicament and overlooked yours'.

She is not a well person; is a very physically ill person. I feel sorry for her.

To me, she is on her last legs, she is on her way out. At best she is on her way to that place we call Coma. Coma, Arizona...a tiny place near Yuma.

A place in the desert where all you see is light. No sound is heard....too hot for any life forms.

In Coma.....on your back, feeding tubes down your throat. No contact with the rest of the world...your past world. All alone.

She knows this. She is making a last ditch effort to squeeze one more adventure, one more male appendage into her soon-to-be over life.

Sad THIS. Sad for her, for YOU. 

Answer? Your' call.

I would let her go. Detach. Bring the kids to your place. A women on cloud nine cannot safely raise children. Get Children's Services and a lawyer involved. Your kids need to be protected.


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## Stang197

Wow bro.... She doesn't deserve you. She should be chasing you right now. I think you need some counseling dude. You are right to be upset with her behavior. You would be right to divorce her over it. She is going to regret this .


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## chillymorn69

Do you smoke?

If so stop.

Kick her to curb.

You will be better off


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