# I am trapped in a relationship.



## official_jay (Jan 10, 2017)

So I have only been in 2 very serious relationships, my first girlfriend and I were together for 3 years. She was 14 and I was 16 when we started dating. We took each other V card and almost grew up and matured together. We broke up because I was a typical young guy that wanted to be with all the other girls but wanted her to stick with me. About 6 months later I met my current girlfriend which is two years older than I am. 

Being older than I am I believed that it would be a much more mature relationship. In the beginning sex was FANTASTIC she would surprise me with sex and make a effort to satisfy my sexual desires. And then about 1 year in everything changed like a flip of a switch. She became over attached and jealous to the point where I had to remove myself from every social media website, she deleted all my contacts off my phone and monitored my phone on a daily basis. I thought it was just a stage and she would get over it as I didn't do anything to make her doubt me, after another year of over jealous rages and fits whenever we go somewhere it just got worse. When we watch TV and she sees the age restriction shows sex and nudity she changes the channel or covers my eyes like I am 12 years old. She also stopped wanting to have sex or let me explore her body (I am not allowed to see her nude) we have spoken about it and it always end in a argument or a physical fight where she would scratch my neck or even punch me in the face and then later she would tell me she is sorry and that she knows she is wrong but she will change. I have now become resentful towards her for treating me like a criminal always making me feel like I have done something wrong. Due to some unfortunate life circumstances I was homeless and moved in with her and her folks during our relationship, I don't earn enough money to live on my own and regardless of me telling her time and time again I want to move out with her, she refuses to work and just doesn't me serious. 

A couple of weeks ago we had a argument that once again became physical, I told her I would leave her, she then told me that she knows where I work and would make my life hell if I had to leave her, she threatened to tell my bosses I smoke pot, and she would also damage my car by blowing off my Tyres and breaking my windows, petrified of losing my job and not having anywhere else to stay I am forced to make peace with her. I have no idea what to do as I know this girl isn't right for me but I am trapped and have no way out? 

Anyone have some advice on what I should do? I really need some help as I am being abused and I am not even married?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Dump her!

The End.


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## official_jay (Jan 10, 2017)

Personal said:


> Dump her!
> 
> 
> 
> The End.




And then risk losing my Job, and being homeless?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

If you want the abuse to end remove yourself from it, if you don't want it to end stay there.

Life is untidy and unfair, if you don't like something do something about it.

Oh and the next time she starts hitting you, call the police.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

If you don't make much money , why are you spending it on pot?

Quit the pot and you won't lose your job. 




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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Honey, I'm old enough to be your mum, so I'm going to give you some mum advice and tough love.

You are not trapped anywhere. You have free will and can choose to exercise it at any time.

Stop smoking pot, save your money and move out. Never see or speak to her again.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Tell her you'll call the cops on her. Crash on someone else's couch. Get your **** in order and get poisonous people out of your lives. She won't call your boss. People threaten stuff all the time.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Also consider getting a restraining order.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

official_jay said:


> When we watch TV and she sees the age restriction shows sex and nudity she changes the channel or covers my eyes like I am 12 years old.


:rofl:

Anyways, dump her, who cares if she tells your bosses you smoke pot, just tell everyone she's a crazy b-tch (which she is) and it'll pass. Who cares about her threats, if she wants to carry them out, she'll have to suffer the consequences. In fact, why not dare her to carry out her threats, much more fun!


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## official_jay (Jan 10, 2017)

frusdil said:


> Honey, I'm old enough to be your mum, so I'm going to give you some mum advice and tough love.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Maybe I should have mentioned I work for the same company as her mom? It's difficult to just leave? Also both my parents have passed away so I appreciate the motherly feedback. I have recently decided to quit the pot which I don't pay for (I have a awesome dealer) maybe posting this wasn't the best idea as it's difficult to explain my situation without getting constructive judgement. It's almost like telling a woman that is being abused to just leave. It never works because life situations force you to stay where you are. Another thing, not being racist but it's difficult for a young white male to get a job where I am from. 


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Get another job. You'd have to if they fired you right?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Anyways, dump her, who cares if she tells your bosses you smoke pot, just tell everyone she's a crazy b-tch (which she is) and it'll pass. Who cares about her threats, if she wants to carry them out, she'll have to suffer the consequences. In fact, *why not dare her to carry out her threats, much more fun*!


Why encouraging him to escalate this? 

Just get out and move on, OP. And check what legal protection may be available to you. A domestic violence shelter may be helpful with that.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I think we all know that it's not easy to just cut the cord. But it seems like you could at least start taking steps in that direction. You work full-time, right? You certainly make enough money to start looking at apartments or to to rent a room in someone else's apartment. The point is that you have to get out of this toxic relationship sooner, rather than later. Start saving up some money and give yourself a goal of 3 months to find an apartment and move out. Warn your boss in advance that your girlfriend is acting crazy and might cause a problem when you leave her. 

I don't know what is legal in your state, but you should consider wearing a voice-activated recorder (or finding a suitable app on your phone) to record her threats. You can at least use these as leverage against her. 

The sooner you get out of this, the sooner your life starts.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Buddy if she threw you out tomorrow you would have to get on with it.You are not a prisoner and you are not a child.Stay at a shelter if you have to or sleep in your car but get out of this toxic situation that you are in.If you are in a full time job you must be earning enough to rent a room at least.Stop making excuses and leave.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

How old are you? Did you graduate high school? Any technical training? What are your plans to GET technical training so that you become valuable to employers?

As for her, you need to be proactive. Go to her mother and tell her mother that the relationship isn't working and here's why: blah blah blah. Tell her what her daughter's doing. 

Then go to your boss and inform him that you're breaking up with your girlfriend but she's turning out to be batsh*t crazy and you just wanted to warn him in case she tries to upset the cart.

Then go to your girlfriend and tell her if she does anything that's illegal or threatening, you will call the police.

Once you do all those things, she has nothing to hold over your head.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

jld said:


> Also consider getting a restraining order.


QFT...this will really show her true colors. You take it to this step, anyone who isn't BSC will back down and if she doesn't, well, better you find that out now and change you name and move to another state.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Where in the commonwealth are you located @official_jay?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Try looking up clingers. There are multiple stages.

Did she initiate contact with you first, does she have stalker-like behavior?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Women can be physical abusers just like men can. 

She is an abuser, plain and simple, and you need to leave. If you think she represents a physical danger, call the police - really. This is no joke, and not a marginal case. 

Ignore her threats about calling your workplace. Any reasonable workplace is going to ignore claims by a angry vengeful dumped romantic partner.

You have every right to file charges for her attacks, but in practice it may be difficult to make them stick. Still the threat is more serious than her threats to accuse you of drug use. 

On the off chance that you do actually use pot, stop so that you will not fail a drug test. Do not admit to drug use on any forum or public site. 



official_jay said:


> snip
> she would scratch my neck or even punch me in the face
> snip


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

She can tell your boss whatever she wants, without proof, her word is meaningless especially since it would be coming from a jilted ex girlfriend.

As far as threats of violence towards your car go, try to put it somewhere safe and put a web camera on it. If she does anything you can have her arrested and ultimately she'll be forced to make restitution- that means she pays for it.

What's the alternative? Stay with her forever because you're afraid of what she might do?

Sometimes you just gotta say "What the f^&k" and just go for it.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Your making bad decisions that will mess up your future. Move in with your family/friends quite smoking, and dump your girlfriend.

How old are you? You need to start thinking about your future and what you want your life to be like in 10-20-30 years.!


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## ulyssesheart (Jan 7, 2017)

official_jay said:


> And then risk losing my Job, and being homeless?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Talk to your employer or someone in the Human Relations department,* if* your employer has one. Explain your situation calmly. Then go to your police department and ask for a meeting with one of the sergeants. Tell them the same story. If she hits you again, call the police. I myself would hate to do this but it is in your best interests. She has flipped out. Find out what is going on with her. She is going through some sort of psychological changes, or you are withholding some key information from us. You may be seeing the beginning of Borderline Personality Disorder. This sometimes presents itself in one's twenties. Was she on anti-anxiety medications before and now has gone off of them?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

jld said:


> Why encouraging him to escalate this?
> 
> Just get out and move on, OP. And check what legal protection may be available to you. A domestic violence shelter may be helpful with that.


Let it escalate!

Why am I encouraging him? Seriously OP needs to get over his fear, he can't keep thinking about what may or may not happen, he simply has to do what he has to do


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Get a restraining order against her so that she stays away and then if she messes with your job, sue her and you will win. You sound like she is dominating you both physically and mentally. Perhaps you like it since you seem to be finding excuses to not leave her. Save some money for a new flat so you will not be homeless. Stay with a friend or family member. Get a new job. Man up for gosh sake. I walked away from two bad relationships in my younger days and even joined the Army to get away from one. That solved my housing and job problem for two years. The second time I moved in with my parents and had no job. I found a new job and got an apartment. I did not find reason why not to leave those women. I found solutions, even if I did not like them.


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

*Im gonna tell you a story. take from it whatever you choose*

Theres this organisation im involved in. Helps less fortunate families so they can have a home, i would go on weekends and help people with the construction was a voluntary thing. There was one place i went, young girl (25 years old) with 4 kids trying her best to make ends meet and provide for her children. Her common law husband was an absoloute waste, alcoholic , abusive, violent. wouldnt even give her money for the children . But she tried, she had no family, friends and where she lived was around the guys family and friends, no one she couldve turned to.

A day i stayed back a little bit to help her run some electrical lines in the little shack they were staying, her husband came in drunk and aggresive, saying the worst thing to her and there children and me. was really sad i didnt want truble so i left. I talked to her and gave her some advice would chat with her now and again and heres what she did. She didnt have any education, any skills or qualifications. She got a job at a grocery cleaning and packing shelves ( sh*t pay) but she scraped every dollar together.

She stayed in the emotional , physical and blood sucking relationship for about 20 months. Got enough money to rent a place and she took her kids. Left his stupid ass, put a restraining order on him and he's paying child support. Right now she's still at the grocery but shes a cashier, shes doing a nursing course and she's extremely happy. 

It doesnt matter your situation you can get out of it. Be smart and be a bit patient sometimes things are that hard but as corny as this may sound you have to be strong for yourself, because no one else will be strong for you. So all the best to you bruh.

P.S .. Her ex common law husband is still an ass and is miserable. lucky enough i met him at the beach and beat the shi* outve him. I was not proud but i was happy lol. Thats for calling me a *****t and talking about my beautiful loving mother.


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## Grapes (Oct 21, 2016)

You get out of life what you put into it. What are you putting into your life thats positive?


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