# Long Distance Parenting & Remarriage



## roxiethewriter (Feb 18, 2017)

Anyone have advice or experience? 

I moved from KS to WV to remarry an amazing man. He has 4 kids and I have 3.

My 3 kids are here for the summer. Our biggest struggle right now is how I am so completely focused on my kids that my husband gets neglected. 

How do I find balance?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I assume the kids eventually sleep. You can squeeze in daily one on one with your husband when you put the kids to bed. I think DH and I averaged about 2-3 hours of alone time a day just staying up after the kids were in bed.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

How you handle this depends a lot on the ages of the kids. Younger kids need more attention, but can be sent to bed earlier. Older kids are more self-sufficient, so can be left to their own devices later in the evening. You do need to set boundaries, and keep your husband as a priority. Perhaps you feel some guilt at moving away from your kids, and are overcompensating? Sometimes difficult decisions like this are necessary, but you still need to seek balance.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

If I could only see my kids for the summer I would spend every second with them. Probably can't relate though I wouldn't move away from my kids. I think your husband needs to understand the sacrafice you made and let you have all the time you want with them.


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## roxiethewriter (Feb 18, 2017)

Wolf1974 said:


> If I could only see my kids for the summer I would spend every second with them. Probably can't relate though I wouldn't move away from my kids. I think your husband needs to understand the sacrafice you made and let you have all the time you want with them.




I divorced the first time because I was extremely neglected and emotionally abused to think it was all in my head and my fault. I know how it feels to be told to "suck it up" and "just trust" that I'm loved without the signs. 

Now the roles are reversed and I'm the one doing the neglecting and ignoring. I think Married But Happy is on target. I am over compensating due to my guilt. My kids are 10, 8, 6.5. I'm hovering over them and constantly giving them (sometimes unwanted) physical affection while my husband gets almost nothing. 



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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How much time do his children spend with the two of you?

Do you work outside the home? 

Maybe you could schedule some dates for you and your husband. Hire someone to watch them for a few hours and just go have a date.

You need to be spending about 15 hours a week with your husband doing date-like things (or quality time). That's about 2 hours a day after the kids are asleep and about 2.5 hours each on Sunday and Saturday. After that you can spend all the time with your kids you want. So look at how you structure your time and make time for daily 'dates' with him.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Your kids should come first, especially if you only see them in the summer(!?) I cannot imagine moving more than 30 min away from my D8, for any reason. Were there not other men in KS?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

roxie so you left your 4 children with an emotionally abusive man? Why has he got them for the majority of the time and not you?

I have no idea how you could leave your children so far away. Especially as they are still so young. No wonder you are trying to make it up to them. 

I think that your husband needs to try and understand that you want to spend time with them as you see them so little. You have the rest of the year to spend more time with him.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> roxie so you left your 4 children with an emotionally abusive man? Why has he got them for the majority of the time and not you?
> 
> I have no idea how you could leave your children so far away. Especially as they are still so young. No wonder you are trying to make it up to them.
> 
> I think that your husband needs to try and understand that you want to spend time with them as you see them so little. You have the rest of the year to spend more time with him.


Being married to someone who's not a demonstrative or wordy person doesn't make for emotional abuse...

Why should the father give up his children? She chose to move away.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

frusdil said:


> Being married to someone who's not a demonstrative or wordy person doesn't make for emotional abuse...
> 
> Why should the father give up his children? She chose to move away.


I agree, It was her who called him abusive. I would never move away from my small children for another man.


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