# Wife is making it my fault.



## Hurtbylies (Jun 10, 2011)

I would like to apologize up front for what I am about to tell everyone, but I have no friends that I am comfortable enough to talk to this about partly because I hope that i am wrong and I am imagining it all in my head, but thank you for your time...

Background: Been married for 8 years, known each other for 19. (Friends in MidSchool & HS, reconnected after 3 years break following graduation). 3 kids (two 5 year olds and a 3 year old).

I don't really know how things got so out of control. One evening, my wife and I were looking at something on her computer and she opened up a picture of a man that was minimized. I didn't recognize the pic or the guy so I casually asked "what was that?" She VERY quickly closed the pic and said he had no idea what it was or where it came from. But she got really chatty and instantly turned the subject to something benign and totally unrelated to what we were originally discussing. I dismissed it and moved on without much thought.

Several days/weeks later, i asked her to unlock her phone for a second for something random (I honestly don't remember why and I knew her unlock code - she had changed it) because mine was downstairs on the charger. She got very reluctant to unlock the phone but when she finally did she was constantly hovering over my shoulder to see everything that I was doing. While i was looking at it she got up to go to the bathroom and when she did, i pulled up her texts and saw a chain from some guy I didn't know. i didn't get a chance to read the texts but the last one mentioned something about meeting for a beer (my wife hates beer). When she came out of the bathroom, I exited her texts and went back doing what I was before then gave her phone back.

After this I was torn. I didn't know what to make of the situation that was unfolding in front of me. I didn't want to suspect anything, but I was beginning to. The following day I looked at her phone again and the text thread that I saw the previous night was deleted. Nothing else, just that thread. Why did she delete that thread? I really wanted to read though it so I could see that there was nothing going on and I was imagining everything, but she deleted it! My wife NEVER, EVER deletes anything electronic. She has over 4000 emails in her inbox about things that are no longer relevant to anything, she just doesn't take the time to sift through and delete things, so this was very uncharacteristic. 

I confronted her by asking if we were ok. She said that she recognized that we were in a rough spot. I stated that I know I haven't been 'present' lately and asked if someone else was being more 'present'. She said no, of course. I asked about the texts and she said they were related to a team project that she was working on the past three months and he was one of the team members. This I found to be true. But said that she deleted the texts because the team project was over and it was all work related. Now I repeat - my wife does NOT delete things, normally. 

We talked and argued and tried to figure out where to go next and during that discussion, she says that she can't trust me anymore because I went behind her back and was snooping on her.......... and I feel guilty.

FAST FORWARD TWO WEEKS:
her folks were in town for Memorial Day weekend. I grabbed her phone off the counter to call her mom for something (I don't have my Mother-in-law's number in my phone) and when looking at her contacts, I saw the OM's name, twice. Once for work number and again for personal number... and both have 'special' ringtones. Noone else in my wife's contacts list have special ringtones. Not me, not her mom, not her best firend, just this guy. And the tones are suspicious as well... "Cowboy Casanova" and "Sparks Fly". Now- when it comes to music I like a song for the way it sounds, the rhythm. my wife likes songs based on the lyrics and the message they give. Look up the lyrics on those two songs and tell me what you think... 

I passed it off again... after all, we're trying to work things out... 

Yesterday my thoughts got the better of me and I google'd the OM. He has a Picasa account. In his photo album I FOUND THE PICTURE THAT WAS ON HER COMPUTER THE OTHER WEEK!! The one she said that she didn't know who it was or where it came from....

I confront her again after I catch her lying about all this. She says at first she doesn't know what I'm talking about. So I pull out the picture that I printed up. She tears it to shreds and proceeds to accuse me again of not trusting her and snooping again. I ask about the ringtones and she brushes it off saying that it was a joke because he likes country music. I don't buy it for a second. I want to but I can't.

So now what? I'm hurt and lost and I don't know if I should talk to her anymore because she'll just say that she can't trust me because I'm snooping.... but I'm trying to get past these thoughts and they are literally eating me up inside.... I have nowhere to turn to for help.

please help.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Flat out, without a single shred of doubt.. Your W is having an affair. Everything you have said is textbook. 

I'm very sorry your here, and I hate to say this but.. get comfortable. You will need the people here.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Once again, the classic red flags, the gaslighting, and the blame shifting. We've got yet another affair here. Passing it off, otherwise known as rug sweeping, isn't going to help you.


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## Hurtbylies (Jun 10, 2011)

But if she never admits to anything, how do we get past it?


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

WORD FOR WORD the EXACT same thing that my wife did.

Did you hear that he was "just a friend" yet?

Has the conversation between you two about your relationship included "I dont know if i love you anymore", " I love you but am not in love with you anymore". Or Im confused???

I hope that I am not stepping the forum toes by posting this but one of the things that got me past this phase of self-destructive disbelief and extreme anguish at the situation was to start getting a plan together. 

Check out dadsdivorce.com and read "The List".

I am very sorry you are here. It KILLS me to see someone absolutely mirror my own story, and floors me that it is so similar and textbook.

Work on yourself, focus on what you need with this revelation in your life, and begin.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

" But if she never admits to anything, how do we get past it? "

Who says she wants to? Shes replaced you bro! Syonara!
The choice was taken out of my hands completely, unless I was to be a cuckold doormat wishing her a nice evening as she went out to "meet".

I know this forum is all about rebuilding and repairing marriages, and it seems counterproductive of me to post anything otherwise, so all I can say is "I hope for the best for you." 

Be true to yourself from this moment on. Starting NOW.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Wow this really sucks. But yeah, I have to agree with the other posters. My situation was a bit different, but you asked what you should do. My suggestions:

1) continue to monitor her despite the fact she has called you out on it. Gather evidence. People here have suggested a keylogger for her computer or a VAR. Check into that. I never did this but others have and it worked.

2) Once you've gathered enough, to the point she can no longer deny it, confront her.

After the confrontation, she will either admit everything and be sorry, admit everything and say your marriage needs to end, or get really defensive. 

3) Based on her reaction, start figuring out, given all the information, what you really want. Take a few days to do this and don't do it too quickly. You may want to reconcile, or you may think the crimes are too severe for that.

4) If you decide you want her gone, your actions are clear. If you want to reconcile, then it's time to work and read up on this board and many other sources. That path is long and well documented elsewhere.

Good luck.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Dear Hurt By Lies:

I feel your pain !!!Very Hurt


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hurt,

It's RARE the cheater who will tell you straight up what they have done.

YOur wife is probably having an affair. Without 100% proof, there is no way to know for sure though. The fact you've confronted her with some bits and pieces of evidence suggested skeeviness on her part means she will more than likely take thea ffair undercover now. Meaning, she'll hide it better (if he doesn't cut if off w/ him altogether).

My advice is to go stealth now. Start acting normal around her. Put a VAR (voice activated recorder) in her car or somewhere that she talks on the phone not around you so you can start listening. A lot of signs of cheating are there: her upset that you are accussing her (deflecting), saying she can't trust you/that you're snooping (blame-shifting), her deleting things, her minimizing the pic on her computer,
and the PASSCODE on her phone (major red flag). 

You have to go underground now (your checking up on her). Dont let her know you're doing it. If she is involved in an affair, I can bet 90% she will hide it better now.

You need to find out about this guy. Do they work together? What's his story? Is he married? If he is married, and you find out there is an affair, you MUST tell his wife (or partner). Exposing the affair turns it right on its head and changes the dynamic of the affair 100%.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> " But if she never admits to anything, how do we get past it? "
> 
> Who says she wants to? Shes replaced you bro! Syonara!
> The choice was taken out of my hands completely, unless I was to be a cuckold doormat wishing her a nice evening as she went out to "meet".


I'm sorry you are joining our ranks. Yes, it is an affair. Yes, she has replaced you in her mind and heart. Those are classic textbook examples many of us have seen. My thread is very long, but it lays out the many mistakes I have made. Pit's log shows the same things your wife is doing/saying. We have discussed how similar the two are. It looks like you are in our group. Read some of the threads here. 




Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Flat out, without a single shred of doubt.. Your W is having an affair. Everything you have said is textbook.
> 
> I'm very sorry your here, and I hate to say this but.. get comfortable. You will need the people here.


I totally agree. Pit and I have heard those things. You are in the right place. Here, you have a group of folks that have been and/or are going through the same thing. Trust your gut. Out of all the surveillance I've used, that is the most trusted. I didn't trust it at first. After quite a bit of cash outlay and effort in spy games, I have found it to be right 100% of the time. You may need some hard, solid proof to convince yourself.

In that case, a digital Voice Activated Recorder placed in her car (some suggest under the seat, I used inside the arm rest. It has a zipper on the cover and it fit very well inside there.). If she uses the computer often, a VAR around there might catch something. (This one also worked for me.) Many suggest a keylogger for the computer. There are other items that are available for further surveillance. Talk to folks at Radio Shack.

DO NOT let her know about the surveillance, if you go that route. That is one mistake I made. I would confront on each piece of proof. She would say it was over and just take it deeper underground. I have been waaaay too gullible in believing her each time. Anyway, I just want you to know the reason for not telling her about what you find immediately. The much better route is to post here what you have found and seek the advice of some of the folks here.

DO NOT let her know about this forum. This should be your refuge for advice and support. It sounds pretty ugly. She works with him, the ring tones, the meeting for a beer. You'll need support. Keep this to yourself.


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## RestlessInGeorgia (Dec 3, 2008)

Yep, all the signs you are seeing are the same things my wife did. 

1. Delete text messages from OM or other messages at random to throw me off. I know this because of looking online at her phone records.

2. Change passwords on e-mail accounts, facebook, myspace, etc.

3. Tell me that I should be ashamed not to trust her, she's done nothing wrong. Blame me for all our problems.

4. Tell me that she changed her passwords, deletes texts because I read too much into things.

5. Tell me she loves me, but not in love with me.

6. Tell me the OM is only a friend and has never been anything more.

7. Sex life decreased because she was no longer interested in sex at all. 

8. Her daily habits changed enough that they were noticeable.

9. Whenever OM, who was a supposed friend to us both, came over to our house, she acted jealous if he talked about his girlfriends.

You can read my story if you like. I found out she had an affair with this guy a little over a year into our marriage and after it was supposedly over, she kept him in our lives for the next 7 years.

Your wife is having at the very least an Emotional Affair. Hopefully for your sake, it hasn't turned to physical. Do not let her stonewall you. Stand firm about her questionable activities. If you can get her phone away from her, send this OM a text and simply put, "Do you remember the time we slept together?" and wait for a response. He will respond in one of three ways:

1. "WTF are u talking about?"
2. "Yes"
3. "Which time?"

This is a surefire way to get OM to confess on your wife's behalf. Your wife has you snowed over right now. She knows you don't have any physical proof of an affair. Be vigilant. If you're wrong, marriages can survive trust issues and you can apologize to your wife for questioning her fidelity. If you're right, you don't need to be fooled any longer. My advice is to go with your gut feeling, it usually never steers you wrong. I'm pretty sure you know already that she is having an affair. She exhibits most all of the classic traits.

Sorry this is happening to you and I really hope I am wrong about her having an affair.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> You have to go underground now (your checking up on her). Dont let her know you're doing it. If she is involved in an affair, I can bet 90% she will hide it better now.


Yes, she will probably be more careful now that you suspect something. Something my counsellor told me applies. Time and truth are on the same side. The truth will come out. If there is an affair, which looks like it to me, and they take it more underground, the truth will come out sooner or later. Electronic devices help it to be on the sooner side.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Pre-DDay Tactical Primer

First off, know that the affair is not your fault. Have you been the perfect husband? Of course not, no one is. She had other options besides cheating, such as communicating with you on working out the marital problems, going to Marriage Counseling (MC), etc. Yet she chose the easy option: cheating. Most likely because the Other Man (OM) stroked her ego and provided the shoulder to cry on. Your wife is now a Wayward Wife (WW), so consider as such. She will give the common excuses: You weren’t there for her, OM provided for her needs because you couldn’t, etc.

The last thing you should do is to cry, beg, and/or plead with her. This not only makes you unattractive, it drives her away. Trying your best to be the best husband doesn’t work either, because you cannot compete with the fantasy she has built up with the OM.

Now you have to play detective in order to save your marriage, or to get the proof you need to end it. If you can afford it, hire a PI. If not, you will have to do this on your own. What you need to find out is if this is an Emotional Affair (EA) only, or if this has progressed to a Physical Affair (PA). What you also need to find out is who exactly the OM is, his identity, if he’s married, and if he’s married, his Betrayed Wife’s (BW) contact information. You will need this info later on.

What you should not do is confront her too early about the Affair (A). You are going to need to gather all the information that you possibly can before confrontation. We Betrayed Spouses (BS) call this investigating. Others call it snooping. The cardinal rule about investigating is NEVER REVEAL YOUR SOURCES!!! This will prevent her from denying the A, which they almost always do at first until presented with proof of the A. This will also prevent her from gas lighting you. Gas lighting is a term used when the WW, when confronted, will say that you are just jealous, imagining things, and that you are just crazy. Gathering enough proof of the A, also prevents the Wayward Spouse (WS) her, from giving you the Trickle Truth (TT). TT is when the WS minimizes what they have done in the A, and will only admit to what they think you know. For example: Most will say they only kissed their Affair Partner (AP) once, when in fact they went much farther than that. If the A has gone to a PA, they usually only admit to doing it once & with a condom! 

If the WS is using a computer as part of the tools of the A, then you will need to install computer monitoring software, the basic ones are keyloggers. There are free ones, which basically only record keystrokes, to the more expensive ones that record keystrokes, capture screenshots of the computer, email you the results, etc. There are good ones like Spector Pro, Web Watcher, Spy Agent, etc. There are also free ones, but you get what you pay for. Why do you need a keylogger? So you can be aware of their communications, such as how long this has been going on, what they have done, and what they are planning to do. Another key tool cheaters use is the secret email account. A keylogger will capture their usernames and passwords. 

Now you might feel guilty about investigating/verifying. Sorry, but their privacy went out the window the second they endangered the marriage by having an A. It is your right to investigate now, so don’t lose any sleep or feel guilty about it. If they try to turn it around on you (blame shift), tell them it’s your right because they are having an A. 

Another tool that cheaters use is the cell phone of course. Some carriers allow you to check online who the other person is calling and/or texting. If you don’t have access to this information, then use the keylogger to obtain it. If your WS has a smart phone, you may be able to install phone monitoring software such as Mobile Spy or Mobistealth. This will allow you to see their text messages. The more expensive versions of Mobile Spy and Mobistealth even allow you to listen in on their conversations in near real time, and use the GPS to track their location. If your WS suspects that you are on to them, they may purchase a secret cell phone. A clue that your WS has a secret cell phone is if they suddenly leave their regular cell phone lying about when before they were guarding it at all times. This brings me to the Voice Activated Recorder (VAR). 

A VAR can be purchased very cheap, usually around $40 or more, at either Walmart, Best Buy, or your local electronics store. A VAR can be very useful at determining if your WS has a secret cell phone. Also, a strategically placed VAR can be very useful if you are unable to install phone monitoring software on their cell phone. A good place to hide a VAR is in the WS vehicle. If there is one place they feel secure in talking with their AP, it’s in their vehicle. Some place it under the drivers seat with industrial strength Velcro. It’s up to you where you can place your VAR. You may want to hide one in your bedroom or the bathroom in order to record their conversations.

Once you have gathered your proof, it is time to confront your WW. This is called the Day of Discovery (DDay). This may well be the most traumatic day of your life. If you have gathered enough proof, your WW will not be able to deny, gas light, or TT you. Your WW will either go into crying fits, be angry, or both. She will try to blame you for the A, tell you she has been unhappy for months or years. Re-Writing the history of the marriage is a common tactic, they use it to justify the A to themselves. Stay strong and know this is not your fault! This is hers!

She will say that she does not know what she wants. This is called fence sitting. She wants the security of marriage, but wants to play around with her OM. Do not stand for this. It is either you or him. There is no room in a marriage for 3 partners. 

Another common occurrence is that the WS will leave the house when confronted on DDay. This is usually only for a few days or weeks. The WW will usually contact the OM about what happened. The WW usually comes home after a few days, but sometimes they don’t. DO NOT beg her to come home. Like I said earlier, this makes you look weak. 

Another common tactic that the WS does is to cry and plead that they want to fix the marriage after they have been caught, but then they take the A “underground”. This is when the WS has talked to the AP about ways to continue the A without your knowledge. This is usually when they resort to using a secret email account and a secret cell phone. If you have not revealed your sources, then you can usually find out if they have taken the A underground. 

If they wish to stay in the marriage, then you have to remain firm and demand No Contact (NC). They must end the affair and go NC. That is the ONLY way to save your marriage, by killing the affair. An A is exactly like a drug, because the WS receives a “high” from the affair. Feel good chemicals like dopamine and others, are excreted in the brain during the A. Giving them a high feeling, the feeling of being in love, etc. 

If your WS is very deep in the fog of the A, and refuses to go NC, or the OM/OW refuses to go NC, then the next step is exposing the A. This means contacting the other BS. This serves two purposes. This helps kill the affair by bringing it into the light of day, and you have another set of eyes watching the other side of the affair. You might even be able to compare notes with the BS and find out more information, or they may have information about the A that you didn’t know about. The other reason is because it’s the right thing to do. Wouldn’t you want someone to have told you what was going on?

Remember the monitoring I was telling you about? Monitoring the WW will allow you to know if she has broken NC. If the OM contacts her and she doesn’t tell you about it, that is also breaking NC. And if you ultimately decide to Reconcile (R), then monitoring will help rebuild trust. After you keep finding nothing, and she is doing her part in R, then you will find yourself monitoring less and less. Eventually you may be able to wean yourself off from monitoring her since she has rebuilt some trust.

Try reading these too:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/26360-betrayed-spouse-script.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/26439-bill-rights-betrayed.html


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Start printing out all cell phone bills and highlight unknown numbers. Look for one number (his) that shows up a LOT. Keep that printout at work so she doesn't find it and destroy it. 

Install a keylogger on her computer in case she goes to it to contact him instead of her phone, now that she knows you check her phone.

Investigate the man. I assume he works at her work, if they were working (yea right) on a team project? Get his contact info AND his wife's contact info. If he's under 30, get his parents' contact info as well. Pay a PI if you have to; this is going to be vital to saving your marriage.

Install a voice-activated recorder under the seat of her car or in the house where she might be talking to him and check it regularly until you catch them talking. Save the tape.

Investigate how this is being carried on. Check credit card bills to see if any of her 'missing time' synchs up with charges in places you didn't go to. 

Create a paper trail of proof. Make a copy of it all and keep it at your work.

Confront her with the proof. If she admits, show her a path home that includes NO CONTACT for LIFE with this man; writing a No Contact letter that YOU send to him; signing up for marriage counseling; other stuff we can help with later.

If she denies, call HIS wife/parents and tell them what he's doing. Ask them to help you save your marriage by letting him know they will not accept some married woman in his life.

Call HER #1 person, whose respect she craves most - mother, father, best friend, sibling, priest. Whoever. Tell that one person and ask them to talk to her. 

If that fails and she stays in contact with him, call the REST of her important people and ask the same. If they do work together, and she still won't stop, contact her boss, his boss, and/or HR and let them know an affair is being carried on at work on work hours, with work material (phone, etc.).

The ONLY way to save your marriage at this point is for you to act decisively, swiftly (within ONE WEEK), and adamantly to prove to her that you will NOT let her eat cake and you will NOT allow her to cheat in your house; tell her she's welcome to leave, but the kids stay with you. SHOW STRENGTH (but not anger).

After you expose, step back a bit and work on analyzing what YOU will do differently (fix yourself) if you stay married; start working on those things anyway. Make yourself the better choice.

Give yourself a time line. One or two months. If she refuses to stop cheating at the end of two months, calmly explain to her that you are filing papers, citing infidelity, and she needs to make plans to move.

You only have one chance to do this right. DO NOT HIDE OUT OF FEAR of her leaving you; it is the WORST THING you can do. Read the other threads if you don't believe me.


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## RestlessInGeorgia (Dec 3, 2008)

WOW. @Hurtbylies, you need to listen to LordMayhem, he is giving you great advice. In fact, disregard any advice I gave you in trying to uncover the PA, if it's progressed that far. Follow LordMayhem's advice. It's good and sound advice. I'm just on the other side of D-Day and probably shouldn't be giving advice to start with.


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## whammy (Apr 22, 2011)

first of all, dont feel guilty about snooping. Snooping to control a woman is bad... snopping to find out the truth to protect yourself when you think she is cheating is ok.


second, Ive read the book "Womens infidelity" and there was an interesting part regarding men, in new relationships/marriages, that have been cheated on in the past. The first time this happens to you, a man goes through all the things are going through. feeling guilty for snooping, not being to move foward while wife avoids everything, etc... and they end getting screwed at the end. But the second time they go through this. They dont ignore the tell tale signs, the hit it like a shark hitting prey, they exact second they are onto to something they say " f*ck the bullsh*t" because they know "the process" will drag their heart through the mud. They confront the wife immediately and say "this is what I think is happening, this is what I am going to if certain things dont change." And trust me, millions of men have gone through the same thing you are going through... I am absolutely sure your wife is cheating. Dont try to get her to admit, dont try to be right, dont try to win... just do this. hit it like a shark hitting prey. Tell her what you think is happening and tell her what you are going to do if you doesn't stop all contact with him and put her heart back into the marriage. If she shows any static then say "divorce proceedings will start tomorrow and walk out." thats it... I guarantee 100% of men in your position wish they did that once its all said and done and they look back over everything.

I think I found the part in the book I was talking about. here it is.

"Yes, I did. I interviewed two men who handled themselves
much differently than most of the men I talked to over the years.
The first man took the initiative and filed for divorce after his wife
expressed on several occasions that she was unhappy and considering a separation. Before the divorce was final, his wife was trying to reconcile, but he chose not to because of her disinterest in working on the marriage prior to his filing for divorce.
The other man dealt similarly with the problem, but he had an
advantage. He had experienced a similar situation with his first wife. In that instance he lived in limbo for two years, doing everything
he could to hold on to his wife, but nothing worked. Six years later he married again. Three years into that relationship, the second wife began to express her unhappiness. Though doubtful that he could endure the trauma of a second divorce, he took control and prevented any period of limbo. He saw the similarities between his first and second wife’s behavior and figured out right away that his second wife was seeing someone. He told her if she stopped her affair he would be willing to work on the marriage; however, he would not accept anything less than her whole-hearted effort. He insisted that separation was not an option because he recognized that separation is just a prelude to a divorce. He wrote his wife a letter and listed the changes that would have to occur in order for him to stay in the marriage."


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Hurtbylies, as cold as it sounds, welcome to the club. You have my sincere sympathy and prayers. The advice by Lordmayhem is very good, they key part is realize this is not your fault at all - your wife decided to find affection by going outside the marriage - that is a betrayal of her vows, your love and devotion and everything both of you have worked on. If she had more integrity about her dissatisfaction she should have confided that in you, worked on it with MC and if all failed attempt to leave the marriage BEFORE giving her affection to an OM. At this point I'd also say don't beg or cry around your wife, but do confide all that emotion with a good friend or an individual counselor. Where you go from here none of us know, hopefully you and your wife can work past this with as little destruction as possible. We understand your devastation and are here to support you through this as we found other to support us on this site.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

This is your safe place. Be aware that advice here is based on peoples past experience and some people have had pretty nasty experiences and this colors the responses. 

Just be aware of that. DO NOT ACT without thinking.
If in doubt post here and WAIT for a number of posts before moving
Non of this is going to happen fast. You are talking Months not days or weeks a few days is not going to make any difference at all


Really sorry you are here. 
I also agree that your wife is having an affair.


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## Alex2400 (Jun 11, 2011)

RestlessInGeorgia said:


> Yep, all the signs you are seeing are the same things my wife did.
> 
> 1. Delete text messages from OM or other messages at random to throw me off. I know this because of looking online at her phone records.
> 
> ...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Aren't we all sick of everyone's bull****? Really? REALLY? Just a friend? Do I look like I take a bath with a bike helmet?


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## findingmyway (May 25, 2011)

Sounds to me like she is in an affair. Consider the keylogger if you want hardproof. 

Find out something about the OM. Is he married and a player? If yes, threaten to tell his wife. That always sent me running for cover. I did have an ex-gf that I hooked up with for a while. She called my mother when it went south. That sucked! Use this information if it helps.

Good luck


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I will add my fortune cookie thought that if you accept that she makes it your fault, it IS your fault.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yap, its your fault in that now she has to find a new way to contact the OM. Its your fault that you are making this more difficult for them. Its your fault that you give a damb about your marriage and your concern for her commitment in the marriage. 

I strongly suggest that you make like everything is now OK, while you continue to guitely investigate her loyalty. Once you have the smoking gun, then it will be no longer your fault, but it will be your fault for catching her.

It sucks, but she will never ever admit it and it will take this "smoking gun' to bring her betrayal to the surface in order for the both of you to confront her deciet. Until then, you will get nothing but deniel, lies and the typical "you don't trust me " line.

I know its all BS but it is real hard for the DS to face the evil that they are doing in the cover of darkness. Bring her behavior to light by getting the hard proof she needs to face the ughly truth.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

If she has an Iphone and syncs with the computer google read deleted texts iphone The best method uses textpad a free program to read the gibberish in the backup files.


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