# Married27 My journal



## Married27 (Jul 30, 2013)

Married 27 My journal 
Entry #1

How lonely I feel …come to think about it, I have been lonely for the past 6 years and counting. Nothing has changed , besides the fact that we aren’t in the same room. We never talked about anything, never shared any interests, hardly had sex, he never took us out anywhere. We never laughed together about anything. He never told me he loved me, not even the day I gave birth to our daughter, matter of fact now that I think about it , we were fighting. Fighting with me about something right after I gave birth to his beautiful 8lb baby girl. Gee thanks Gorilla

No romance at all , never at any point, what do we have together besides our daughter? Nothing. 

There isn’t anything to “miss” about this relationship so again why do I feel so empty? 

I guess it’s because I had myself convinced that everything was o.k. I remember those nights I would tell myself , how much my daughter needs both her parents. “This marriage is important for my daughter 
I don’t need sex, or intimacy to be happy. My daughter’s well being is more important than getting laid, or hearing gorilla tell me he loves me”.

Gorilla doesn’t love me. This is the truth, it’s my reality. I cannot live in denial anymore. Perhaps this is why I feel so empty, sad and lonely , I am no longer covering my eyes. No longer in denial, it’s time to live in honesty I owe it to myself. Do I love gorilla ? No I don’t but I would’ve stayed with him if we had at least a friendship in which we DON’T. Imagine that? After 6 years I can’t even call this man a friend.

I have a smile on my face however thinking about the other day when I was crying and sobbing. My two year old daughter came to me with a kleenex and started drying my tears . I guess it was her way of telling me I wasn’t alone, because she will always be there for me. She came up to me today and gave me a kiss, God how I needed it. I guess my pay-off for being faithful to this man for 6 years is my daughter. Boy do I love her. Boy do I need her. I will get through this, I am not leaving this marriage on a “grass is greener” notion. I am leaving this marriage because I know deep down inside that I will be a lot happier with my daughter.


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

I have to agree... if you don't at least have friendship - you have nothing.

Sorry that you are going through this. There are many here that have gone through a similar experience who will try to help. It is good to at least get your thoughts written down each day when going through something like this.


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