# Another year ticks by



## Dragunov (May 21, 2015)

So it's a year later. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/268362-hello-another-sexless-marriage.html

We still have not had sex. That makes it 5 years sometime the middle of this month. 

To just recap: We've been married 15 years.

We didn't have sex for the first year and a half of our marriage, at all. 

We didn't have sex for about 3 years after she got pregnant with our daughter.

We haven't had sex for the last 5 years. And in between all those large gaps, we might have sex once or twice in a week and then go for months and months before having sex again. 

I am now actually thinking about divorce. But it's probably going to be a year before I have the finances to move out and get my own place. And then our divorce will take at least a year from the time of our separation.

I don't know if she even perceives the misery that I am in. There is no level of physical or emotional intimacy between us. She doesn't like holding hands when we go out. She doesn't like kissing, and hates anything other than a peck on the lips. She hates it when I put my arm around her while we sleep. And any touching that might arouse her is immediately rejected and physically pushes me away. And we seem to be fighting and arguing more these days.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I'm a woman and feel bad you have to live that way.

The 2 years preparing will probably be worth it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

As I write this I hear banging and clanging in the basement of my mind.

There is cursing and *****ing. Whenever I get time to sit and relax I feel that old urge between my legs.

How long has it been since I felt the warm embrace of a loving women.

Her breath on my neck, her subtle scent reaching my old-factory glands.

Oh, it has been too long...my head swirls.

Oh, Jehoshaphat, why have thou forsaken me for so long.

I asked again and again.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Then HIS words come to me.

Do I bind your hands? No.

Do i bind your feet? No. 

Do I bind your Will? No.

Then those are not MY DOING.

They are YOURS to undo.

You are a prisoner in your Own-ed House.

My Door is always open and so is your's.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

...


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

@Dragunov

I read your other threads.

So, not only are you sexless, you have to eat terrible food.

You've waited too long. But I understand, your religious beliefs have prevented you from taking action, right? I mean you believed strongly in no premarital sex, so I imagine that there is prohibition against divorce.



> I don't know if she even perceives the misery that I am in. There is no level of physical or emotional intimacy between us. She doesn't like holding hands when we go out. She doesn't like kissing, and hates anything other than a peck on the lips. She hates it when I put my arm around her while we sleep. And any touching that might arouse her is immediately rejected and physically pushes me away. And we seem to be fighting and arguing more these days.



I'm so sorry, you are 37 now? and she is 44? How ironic if she had the upswing in sex drive that a lot of women get in their mid-forties.

But, she sounds, from your previous thread; almost completely sexless.

Something must have happened to her prior to her relationship with you. I know you say that you would know about it if it had. But, you know, you'd be surprised what people can hide.

It is not normal what your wife has done. She must be damaged. And if it isn't psychological, then I wonder if it is physical.

And menopause is coming up, probably within the next 6-7 years. Some women's sex drive goes through the roof. Other women have their libidos completely die out.

If you want a marriage with affectionate, loving physical contact: kissing, hugging, touching, hand holding, getting your butt squeezed through your jeans-----you're going to have to look elsewhere.

You've served your time. 15 years that must have been very painful for you. Married Christian couples are told to have sex with each other in the Old and New Testaments. I don't know what other religions teach. But I've never heard of one that believed in sexless marriage.

Your kid will be okay as long as she knows that you guys love her.

I don't know why you can't leave sooner; but nonetheless, start moving towards that goal.

Still, your wife's behavior is mysterious to me. It's very sad.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Better late than never, my friend! It's time to extricate yourself from that cavernous hellhole!

God never ever meant life to be that way!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Dragunov said:


> I don't know if she even perceives the misery that I am in. There is no level of physical or emotional intimacy between us. She doesn't like holding hands when we go out. She doesn't like kissing, and hates anything other than a peck on the lips. She hates it when I put my arm around her while we sleep. And any touching that might arouse her is immediately rejected and physically pushes me away. And we seem to be fighting and arguing more these days.


Let me respond to, "I don't know if she even perceives the misery that I am in." Of course she knows. She's been living with you for 15 years and with absolute certainty, knows that sex is an integral part of marriage. She just doesn't give a shyt about your misery. If fact, the woman doesn't give a shyt about you at all albeit she enjoys the fruits of a faux marriage (minus the intima....oh what the hell, the sex)
I would have ditched this parasite long ago so go look in the mirror and you'll see the person most responsible for the hell you're living in. 
My other advise is find a replacement that at least 5-9 years younger than you. Stay away from the older broads folks may mistake for your mother.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

She could be gay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

I didn't think about that Herschel but you could be right on the money.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Closet lesbian. Very possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

She is not causing your sexless marriage. You are. Not saying you are wrong to do so. But you are wrong if you place the blame anyplace ther than on yourself.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

I just re-read your original thread from one year ago. OUCH!

This kind of stuck out to me...you gave her a back-rub and brushed her hair for 2 hours and then said you loved her. She said absolutely nothing. No response at all.

She is ice cold brother and doesn't love you. 

Why on Earth are you staying with her?

End the pain and just separate already.


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Wow. I came here to post about my own situation (been almost 18 months) and saw your post. I am so sorry you are going through this.

1. How does she react if you try to talk about the lack if sex, or intimacy in general?

2. Does she say why she pushes you a
way or is not interested for enormous periods if time?

3, why didn't you have sex for the first year and a half of marriage?

4. Have you both seen a marriage counsellor before and has this been brought up? 

I admire you for staying for so long and bring faithful but it mist also be really difficult after so long. An essential need of your marriage is being neglected.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

QuietSoul said:


> I admire you for staying for so long and bring faithful but it mist also be really difficult after so long. An essential need of your marriage is being neglected.



Really? You admire him for that? Do you think that kind of attitude is why your own wife gets away with your situation?


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

@Dragunov

Did you get a fake vagina toy? Or are you having a sex life with the computer screen? Mbing to porn for years and years will distort your natural sex drive. You would be bonding with unrealistic fantasy and not developing sexually to interact with an actual human being. This is hurting you.


Has the cooking improved at all?


It's been suggested she might be homosexual. Does that seem possible. Did your gut instinct "light up", for a second, when you first considered that possibility?


-----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/268362-hello-another-sexless-marriage.html



> She doesn't like cuddling, or kissing, or touching. And she can't tell me what kinds of things I should do to turn her on. Often times she even *sleeps on top of the covers and facing the other end of the bed.* Not sure what that is about, but it makes it really hard to even put my arm around her when we sleep (which she doesn't like either).
> 
> *We have an otherwise good marriage*. No fighting and very little arguing. We have both been faithful. And have *a beautiful 10yo daughter*.





> Tired talking to her about our issues several times over the last two months. She just makes some flippant remark and brushes it off. One time I asked her if she wanted to have sex, to which she replied "no". I asked, *"what if I want to have sex?" and she said that I should get one of those fake vagina sex toys. *
> 
> I've tried to find a therapist but my insurance doesn't cover marriage counseling, and *the sex therapists that I have contacted charge between $120-$150 per hour, which we can't afford. *
> 
> Last night I tried. It was a perfect night. I was home early, our daughter was off with her uncle and his gf and her daughter who is the same age. The house was quiet and neither of us had to get up early today. We watched a movie together and cuddled some,* I spent two hours rubbing her back and stroking her hair. She didn't reciprocate in any way. Told her I loved her and she didn't reply at all. *




http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/319490-does-your-spouses-cooking-suck.html




> I am starting to really hate my wife's cooking.
> 
> Usually it's some sort of one pot or crock pot meal. But *everything is bland and flavorless*. And she has this penchant for putting noodles in everything that potatoes would be a better option for. The end result is that* everything turns into this slimy sludge. There's rarely if any sort of seasonings,* and of course she can't take any spice of any kind. And* if she cooks meat it's usually burned. *
> 
> The other day she made this creamy chicken soup, with noodles of course, in the crock pot.* It took everything I could muster just to eat one medium sized bowl to not insult her about it.* Our daughter didn't even eat,* she decided to go hungry instead*.


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## Looking2Change (Jul 24, 2016)

I don't know how you honestly do it. My wife is sick so we haven't had sex in 6 WEEKS and I'm going crazy. haha If she was healthy and we went this long I would already be with someone else. Sex is an important aspect of life to men and as many have said before it's like oxygen. We can't live without it.

Your wife has some serious issue she's dealing with. Something happened in her past preventing her from having sex or she just isn't into you at all. Either way you shouldn't have to suffer. You're a better man than I am if you haven't cheated on her by now.

If you don't have the money to move out then find a friend or family member you can move in with but if she's unwilling to change I don't see how you could ever stay with her.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Dragunov said:


> So it's a year later. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/268362-hello-another-sexless-marriage.html
> 
> We still have not had sex. That makes it 5 years sometime the middle of this month.
> 
> ...


You ceased being a victim a LONG time ago.

You've been a volunteer for years.


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

Your wife's cooking isn't bad. She has no interest in feeding you. Any woman who has any respect for her man would try harder.

What you have is not a "sexless marriage". Your wife despises the ground you walk on.

Can you recall what you did that would cause her to hate you so much?


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

this is entirely your problem man

tomorrow morning, you could just walk right out the front door and never come back

it is really that simple


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

The responses in this thread are hilarious. There are people on Earth who actually don't like sex. It has nothing to do with hate, trauma or homosexuality. Everyone is different. Some people like what they like. Others dislike what the dislike. 

I don't like raw vegetables. No matter what you do, you will never make me like salad. Salad dressing makes me nauseous. To people who enjoy eating raw leaves, this is absurd. 

The responses in this thread are like saying that every tall person should be able to play basketball or every tall fat person should be a sweet offensive tackle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Jus260 said:


> The responses in this thread are hilarious. There are people on Earth who actually don't like sex. It has nothing to do with hate, trauma or homosexuality. Everyone is different. Some people like what they like. Others dislike what the dislike.
> 
> I don't like raw vegetables. No matter what you do, you will never make me like salad. Salad dressing makes me nauseous. To people who enjoy eating raw leaves, this is absurd.
> 
> ...


True asexuality is rare. Is it possible in this case? Sure. 


Doesn't matter. Whether she's asexual, closet lesbian, repressed, or just hates his ass, the net result is the same. So is the solution.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I was in a almost 5 year 100% sexless marriage. Walked out in early January, divorced finalized in May, and having best sex of my life with girlfriend of 7 months. Met her 3 weeks after I left. Hardest part was packing up my stuff while my 2 kids watched and walking out the door. As I backed away from the driveway, I knew I made the right decision and I was going to make the best of my 2nd chance of life. You can do it.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You ceased being a victim a LONG time ago.
> 
> You've been a volunteer for years.


:iagree:

You nailed it...its time to put on your big boy pants and move on...get it through your head she DOES NOT CARE HOW YOU FEEL. Get on with your life.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

Fozzy said:


> True asexuality is rare. Is it possible in this case? Sure.
> 
> 
> Doesn't matter. Whether she's asexual, closet lesbian, repressed, or just hates his ass, the net result is the same. So is the solution.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Do you have data that suggests or confirms this? Asexuality may be rare but these characteristics seem to be quite prevalent. In the past, no one had asthma, peanut allergies, gluten allergies or lactose intolerance but today everyone knows someone who has one or all of those. Times change. 

We can agree that regardless, he is in a bad situation and needs to get out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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