# I'm stuck and I'm having a really hard time getting unstuck



## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

I feel like I'm back at square one again. I want him to come home. It's been 5 months. I was doing well for awhile, but I've been stuck for the past week. I can't get out of this rut. 

The kids had a rough week too, but they are very happy to be with him this weekend. When he picked them up, I told him that our 1 year old is about to start walking, so please keep the camera ready and send videos. Sure enough, she started walking this morning. I'm so sad I missed it and we didn't share this exciting moment together.

He was/is such a good guy. The guy that I always bragged about to everyone. He was an awesome provider, excellent father, a big deal in my eyes, but I never showed him enough with my actions. The past couple of years, I was just annoyed, angry, irritated, resentful, always felt like I came 2nd to his work. Never felt cared for, so I just started to be uncaring towards him. In his eyes, I was ALWAYS like that. History rewritten. What a douche I was. I know it's 50/50, but I'm just having a pity party right now. Blah.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

I also want to add that he's having a hard time with this too. He's hurting pretty badly that he's not with his family, that he lost everything. But he doesn't see us having a loving relationship and is having a hard time believing that he can regain any feelings for me.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Does he know you want to try again?


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

He has known. The last time we talked about our relationship was a month and a half ago and I said that I am willing to work on our marriage and he said he doesn't see us having a loving relationship, doesn't love me, not sure if he ever loved me, etc etc, started to feel a little pressure again and started to get upset. I said, well, I can't change how you feel, and I know that it takes two to work on the relationship, and also added that if you change your mind, I'm here. Gave him permission to take his ring off. 

I'm doing the whole focus on me thing, which has been going well, in IC and support group, but this past week has just been really hard. I haven't gotten the heavy hearted, chest pressure, anxiety kind of sad, but it's just been a lingering depressing kind of sad. I guess that's better, but I just want it to go away. I know I have to accept what he said, that I have to focus on me (which is what I've been doing), and move on, but this is just a backslide.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Wildflower3 said:


> and also added that if you change your mind, I'm here.


dont tell him stuff like this.

you seem to be doing good over all, you will have back slides in how youre feeling at times.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

I told him that back in early/mid Feb and haven't brought up our relationship since. I've completely backed off and am trying to move forward. These backslides just suck.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I'm sorry you are hurting today Wildflower. Crazy how some days are better than others. We sound alike in our thinking but deep down know it does take two to make a marriage work. 

I'll pray for you tonight. (((Hugs)))
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Wildflower3 said:


> I feel like I'm back at square one again. I want him to come home. It's been 5 months. I was doing well for awhile, but I've been stuck for the past week. I can't get out of this rut.
> 
> The kids had a rough week too, but they are very happy to be with him this weekend. When he picked them up, I told him that our 1 year old is about to start walking, so please keep the camera ready and send videos. Sure enough, she started walking this morning. I'm so sad I missed it and we didn't share this exciting moment together.


Sorry it's been rough that stinks about missing her walk. 
Try to do something for you to help you get out of the rut.



Wildflower3 said:


> *He was/is such a good guy. The guy that I always bragged about to everyone. He was an awesome provider, excellent father, a big deal in my eyes, but I never showed him enough with my actions. The past couple of years, I was just annoyed, angry, irritated, resentful, always felt like I came 2nd to his work. Never felt cared for, so I just started to be uncaring towards him. *In his eyes, I was ALWAYS like that. History rewritten. What a douche I was. I know it's 50/50, but I'm just having a pity party right now. Blah.


I could have written this minus the pity party (this wk was pretty good for me), but I know it's going to come back. I feel sad still when I think of him/us... but I am trying hard to hold to the NC/180. It really does help. I forgot if you said, how old is he?


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

35.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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