# Is it normal to not want a relationship?



## ExtremelyConfused (Jul 27, 2012)

Hello everyone,

I have been divorced for 3 years now. Since my divorce I have literally not been on one date. I also haven't felt even a small bit of interest in wanting to be in a new relationship. For some reason the thought of being in a relationship has annoyed me. I also feel like I have a lot of issues that were brought on by my ex-husband. I've attempted to deal with them on my own and wanted to give myself time to figure out my life and happiness again before involving myself with another person in that way. 

Some friends and family members don't seem to understand how hard it was to deal with what I went through. They feel that I should start dating and that being with another person might "help" me to get over my issues. 

To make a long story short: my ex-husband was emotionally abusive, had PTSD (that he refused to get help for) and had also cheated on me. 

Is it normal to not want to be in a relationship after 3 years? 

Thanks for reading!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ExtremelyConfused said:


> Hello everyone,
> 
> I have been divorced for 3 years now. Since my divorce I have literally not been on one date. I also haven't felt even a small bit of interest in wanting to be in a new relationship. For some reason the thought of being in a relationship has annoyed me. I also feel like I have a lot of issues that were brought on by my ex-husband. I've attempted to deal with them on my own and wanted to give myself time to figure out my life and happiness again before involving myself with another person in that way.
> 
> ...


Your friends and family probably are coming from a good place just wanting you to be happy and healthy and since so much societal pressure comes from us being in relationships they are probably Just encouraging more than nagging you about it.

I would just politely tell them each time thanks for the concern I'll date when Im ready to do so. Then actually wait to date when you're ready. When is totally dependent on you and nothing wrong with waiting


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

It sucks when others define you by whether you're dating or not. If you ain't they assume you're miserable.

You're doing EXACTLY the right things,, figuring out how to be happy in yourself and what you want. The more progress you make with that,, the better the chances you'll pick appropriate dates later on.

People who learned to be happy on their own typically don't tolerate substandard partners cuz they have the confidence to leave.

Keep doing what you're doing. Don't get bullied into dating. Date if and when YOU want to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

OP, You're not so odd. My ex moved out in 2012, divorced 2013 and I still don't date. I have friends and go out with groups, but no dating. Frankly, I have no interest in starting a relationship. My family totally understands. I have a couple of friends who don't but I consider it their problem. You know, they didn't live in my marriage.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you're not ready, you're not ready. It's as simple as that. 

I didn't date for a looooong time post-long relationship ending and was totally ok with t hat. Or shall I say, I attempted but emotionally was in no place to be seeing/dating anyone. my heart wasn't in it. Your friends mean well, it's just that they aren't in your headspace.

Thing is, it usually hits you when you list expect it. You will know when you're ready. Or if you're ready.

With that said, relationships do take a lot of time out of your life and having to share that with someone again can seem very frustrating if you're not really into the idea. It's kind of where I live right now.


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## loveiswhereiamnot (Jul 8, 2011)

Just as normal as wanting a relationship. It's been 7 years since my divorce and I've dated a little but as soon as the guy starts getting more into it, I bail. So I stopped. Not ready, don't want it. I was in some kind of relationship all my life, and being out of one this long has been good for me. 

Take your time and follow your own timetable.


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## Fighting For Happiness (Mar 9, 2015)

It does not matter if it's normal. 

It is very normal for many and not so for many others.

IF that is how you feel then stay with it. 

You have my permission. LOL 

Seriously tho. Give yourself permission. 

You do you and politely acknowledge and decline to follow the suggestions of your support group. 

Not a problem girl. Not one bit.

I would like to ask if you have any healthy male friendships tho? 

You can get a different perspective from male friends that can be more light hearted and fun loving


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I was married for more than four decades and now casually date but I prefer not being in a relationship. 

Had I listened to my family and friends I would have never gotten a divorce (since they were all very opposed) so their thinking about what I should or should not be doing doesn't factor into my decisions. 

Do what you feel is best and ignore how others feel about it. It's your life to live!


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## ExtremelyConfused (Jul 27, 2012)

Thanks guys! I really appreciate the responses and support. Nice to know that there is somewhere to go with such kind people.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are you? That can make a difference too.

Is it normal. Sure it's normal for some people. 

Do you have a social life that is satisfying? I do not mean with dating, I mean with others friend (females and/or males) and extended family?

That's what I would make sure is ok right now.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

No one can answer that question for you OP. Some people are just happy and content to be on their own and others absolutely need to be with someone or in a relationship.

For me personally I have been divorced for seven years, at this point I rarely date. When first divorced I jumped into the dating world just because, but soon learned I'm not that interested in another relationship. I have been responsible for other people since I was kid, even after I divorced the kids stayed with me (I'm the dad) and it has only been the last 6 months that I have been an empty nester. So right here and right now at this time in my life I'm as happy as can be to have time to myself and not have my energies sucked up by other people.

OP enjoy your life as you want, it has nothing to do with being single or in a relationship, it's living how you chose at this moment.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

A committed relationship can either enhance or detract but never by itself give you happiness.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Perfectly normal.
In my practice I call it being "face shy".
Its common in pets who have been abused. It takes a good while to go away.

Right now just enjoy the relief of being out of the relationshsip and allow yourself to settle and relax.
No need to rush things.


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