# Wife wants a divorce



## lovemimi

My wife and I have been married for about 10 years. When we got married she had a son 7 years old son and now he is 17. Her son and I are like a real father/son relationship. In September we had a little argument and my wife asked me for a divorce (Like Pronto). She told me she wanted to tell me that for a long time and that is why she stopped having sex with me. She wanted me to wake up and confront her about that but I never did.

The day she asked me for the divorce, I asked her if we could wait until her son graduates from high school. (He is in 11th grade now). Her son is very attached to me, he is doing extremely well in school, and I was thinking maybe if we do a divorce now he might get distracted from his school work. She answered like this "Why do you want to do that? I can't give you what you want. I cant go to be with you. She feels guilty she is having fun with friends and I am in the house taking care of her son. She said "You need to start going out and having fun too and find someone who can give you what you need."

So the week we had the argument, I started to read about divorce and we learned about uncontested divorce. When we sat down to start the paperwork, she stopped me and told me to wait, that she will do it herself at her store. So I gave her all the information and let her do it. (Sept 2021)

It is Nov. 2021 and she hasn't filed yet but every day she makes it clear that our relationship is over and done. We still don't sleep together. She made it clear not to ask her about her whereabouts. She wants to be free.

It hurts me to see her going out of the house for days or weeks and coming back home as if she was in a comedy central show. Very happy. Sometimes when I talk to her she is so deep in her phone and she ignores me completely. (that kind of hurt)

This is becoming painful. I thought we could be separated until we get the divorce and live in the same house the three of us. But my heart is running out of energy. I really don't want to get angry with her and start fighting with her. I respect both my wife and her son and I don't want to scream at her. But I am human and I feel I am running out of calmness  . I am writing this and tears coming out of my eyes. She usually goes out on Sunday and comes back Tuesday. (Every week). My only worry right now is her son. I really hope he will not get affected by all these issues. Yesterday she told me that her only thing from making a decision is her son. She told me is making it impossible for her for making a decision.

How do you guys deal with such a story? I don't want to tell you guys how hurt/painful I feel 24/7.

Thank you


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## Marc878

Why are you putting your life in her hands? Stop making excuses and give her what she wants. Free her and yourself. 
I’d bet from what you’ve posted she’s had a shiny new boyfriend and that’s why you’re cut off. 
You can’t fix this. The best thing you can do right now is see a good divorce attorney and quit being her chump.


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## gr8ful1

lovemimi said:


> I respect both my wife and her son and I don't want to scream at her. But I am human and I feel I am running out of calmness


It would seem you have zero respect for yourself. Why is this that? Why are you ok with being so poorly treated? I highly suggest IC to explore that. Also, your SIL is now 17. Who’s to say you can’t have a relationship post divorce? Certainly when he turns 18 and is legally an adult your W can’t stop him.


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## Tdbo

lovemimi said:


> My wife and I have been married for about 10 years. When we got married she had a son 7 years old son and now he is 17. Her son and I are like a real father/son relationship. In September we had a little argument and my wife asked me for a divorce (Like Pronto). She told me she wanted to tell me that for a long time and that is why she stopped having sex with me. She wanted me to wake up and confront her about that but I never did.
> 
> The day she asked me for the divorce, I asked her if we could wait until her son graduates from high school. (He is in 11th grade now). Her son is very attached to me, he is doing extremely well in school, and I was thinking maybe if we do a divorce now he might get distracted from his school work. She answered like this "Why do you want to do that? I can't give you what you want. I cant go to be with you. She feels guilty she is having fun with friends and I am in the house taking care of her son. She said "You need to start going out and having fun too and find someone who can give you what you need."
> 
> So the week we had the argument, I started to read about divorce and we learned about uncontested divorce. When we sat down to start the paperwork, she stopped me and told me to wait, that she will do it herself at her store. So I gave her all the information and let her do it. (Sept 2021)
> 
> It is Nov. 2021 and she hasn't filed yet but every day she makes it clear that our relationship is over and done. We still don't sleep together. She made it clear not to ask her about her whereabouts. She wants to be free.
> 
> It hurts me to see her going out of the house for days or weeks and coming back home as if she was in a comedy central show. Very happy. Sometimes when I talk to her she is so deep in her phone and she ignores me completely. (that kind of hurt)
> 
> This is becoming painful. I thought we could be separated until we get the divorce and live in the same house the three of us. But my heart is running out of energy. I really don't want to get angry with her and start fighting with her. I respect both my wife and her son and I don't want to scream at her. But I am human and I feel I am running out of calmness  . I am writing this and tears coming out of my eyes. She usually goes out on Sunday and comes back Tuesday. (Every week). My only worry right now is her son. I really hope he will not get affected by all these issues. Yesterday she told me that her only thing from making a decision is her son. She told me is making it impossible for her for making a decision.
> 
> How do you guys deal with such a story? I don't want to tell you guys how hurt/painful I feel 24/7.
> 
> Thank you


You appear to be too nice of a guy.
Nice guys finish last.
There is some reason she is delaying.
Must be trouble in paradise.
Your only play (and best play) is to go on offense.
File on her azz. Get the biggest shark that you can find in the Divorce attorney pool.
Document the heck out of all her actions. Utilize that knowledge to your advantage.
Mother of the year she ain't.
Show her son how a real man acts. Set a good example for him.


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## lovemimi

I am going to talk to her when she returns home maybe tomorrow or Wednesday. I will tell her I will file a divorce. If she wants she can leave her son here or take him with her. It will be painful but I think I need to do this. It is becoming too stressful for me. Thanks for responding


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## Trident

Walk away dude. From your cheating wife and her son. 

You tried.


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## manfromlamancha

Just curious - did she start dating other guys before the "I want a divorce" discussion? If so, did you accept this at the time?


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## re16

Hopefully you've completely separated finances already. If not,do it now. You need to file.

She's been cheating on you for a while, but you probably already knew that.


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## lovemimi

manfromlamancha said:


> Just curious - did she start dating other guys before the "I want a divorce" discussion? If so, did you accept this at the time?


I am not sure, she never told me. I asked how long have you been dating and what she told me was "I go out with a group of people, never go out on a single date". Then I asked her have you been in bed with anyone? She said, "I am not that easy, No". But it is hard to believe. We don't have sex since 2019


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## lovemimi

re16 said:


> Hopefully you've completely separated finances already. If not,do it now. You need to file.
> 
> She's been cheating on you for a while, but you probably already knew that.


I think so but she is good at hiding things from me.


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## lovemimi

She is not home now right? If I send her a text, where are you? she will reply. I told you never to ask me about my whereabouts. She said it irritates her.


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## lovemimi

re16 said:


> Hopefully you've completely separated finances already. If not,do it now. You need to file.
> 
> She's been cheating on you for a while, but you probably already knew that.


She said she doesn't want my money. I have an ok job and she is doing well also. All she asked me for was a car I bought her and I told her sure. (The car is still under my name, she wants me to transfer it)


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## re16

lovemimi said:


> She is not home now right? If I send her a text, where are you? she will reply. I told you never to ask me about my whereabouts. She said it irritates her.


This is because she doesn't want to admit she is with another guy.


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## re16

lovemimi said:


> She said she doesn't want my money. I have an ok job and she is doing well also. All she asked me for was a car I bought her and I told her sure. (The car is still under my name, she wants me to transfer it)


Take these terms as quickly as you can and move on.


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## Marc878

lovemimi said:


> She said she doesn't want my money. I have an ok job and she is doing well also. All she asked me for was a car I bought her and I told her sure. (The car is still under my name, she wants me to transfer it)


They all say this upfront. Protect yourself.


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## Casual Observer

Trident said:


> Walk away dude. From your cheating wife and her son.
> 
> You tried.


That’s a harsh thing to say about her son. That relationship could be very real and important to both of them. The son is not to blame here.


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## Al_Bundy

This is a common story. Captain SAH meets single mom with young kids. The good Captain treats the kids as his own and then when the kids are almost ready to be on their own, the relationship "mysteriously" crashes into the rocks.

You were used dude. I'm not trying to be a prick, but sugar coating stuff won't help you.

Get on youtube and check out Rich Cooper and Rollo Tomassi. You need to start building YOUR life back, starting now.

Best of luck man.


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## Marc878

lovemimi said:


> I am going to talk to her when she returns home maybe tomorrow or Wednesday. I will tell her I will file a divorce. If she wants she can leave her son here or take him with her. It will be painful but I think I need to do this. It is becoming too stressful for me. Thanks for responding


You don’t ask. Just tell her you’re filing, Her new boyfriend may not be to thrilled at having her full time so be prepared for her wanting you as plan B backup.


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## oldshirt

lovemimi said:


> I am going to talk to her when she returns home maybe tomorrow or Wednesday. I will tell her I will file a divorce. If she wants she can leave her son here or take him with her. It will be painful but I think I need to do this. It is becoming too stressful for me. Thanks for responding


Why waste your breath telling her - - just do it. 

You're being too weak and accommidating to someone who is using you.


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## oldshirt

lovemimi said:


> I am not sure, she never told me. I asked how long have you been dating and what she told me was "I go out with a group of people, never go out on a single date". Then I asked her have you been in bed with anyone? She said, "I am not that easy, No". But it is hard to believe. We don't have sex since 2019


This is just in from the World Reality Conference - cheaters lie


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## oldshirt

lovemimi said:


> She is not home now right? If I send her a text, where are you? she will reply. I told you never to ask me about my whereabouts. She said it irritates her.


It irritates her because when you txt, she is about to orgasm with her legs over his shoulders and it distracts her. 

You should really be more considerate of other people's private time (I hope you understand that is sarcasm)


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## Marc878

She demands her privacy to cheat. Being in denial of what’s going on isn’t going to help you.

oldshirt is correct all cheaters lie a lot.


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## DudeInProgress

lovemimi said:


> She is not home now right? If I send her a text, where are you? she will reply. I told you never to ask me about my whereabouts. She said it irritates her.


Why are you so weak? 
Why do you allow your wife to completely disrespect you and treat you with such disgust?
Why have you tolerated a sexless marriage for two years? 
Why are you choosing to be cuckolded by your wife?


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## gr8ful1

lovemimi said:


> She is not home now right? If I send her a text, where are you? she will reply. I told you never to ask me about my whereabouts. She said it irritates her.


I mean this in the kindest, most caring way: dude, find your balls. If my wife ever responded like that after me asking her where she is, she’d be history. You teach others how to treat you by what you put up with. Drop this sham of a marriage, download & read “No More Mr. Nice Guy”, and grow a pair. Never let someone treat you like a floor mat again.


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## jlg07

lovemimi said:


> I am going to talk to her when she returns home maybe tomorrow or Wednesday. I will tell her I will file a divorce. If she wants she can leave her son here or take him with her. It will be painful but I think I need to do this. It is becoming too stressful for me. Thanks for responding


Don't bother --- YOU go to the lawyer and get your plans together, and then just give the papers to her to sign. Don't "tell her" -- just do it. She shouldn't be upset -- she wanted this herself.
You are putting yourself in limbo. SHE is out very likely with another man having a great time, while you are stuck taking care of the house/bills and her son.


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## jonty30

lovemimi said:


> She is not home now right? If I send her a text, where are you? she will reply. I told you never to ask me about my whereabouts. She said it irritates her.


Just have the divorce papers ready for when she gets back.


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## Beach123

No need for any conversation… she’s already left the marriage with her OM.

Protect any assets you may have. If she wants the car - she should pay you for the value of the car.

She’s gone - file those papers and take your life back.

SHE should be having the relationship with her son too. Make sure SHE has plenty of time with him.

Stop doing all the parenting - it’s also HER job.

Get busy building a new future. She is your past.


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## Emerging Buddhist

We do not need to ask permission to end our suffering.

What you do need is calm though, the ability to see that the choices made are your choices and not from a place where others are calling the shots. You are in a place to realize that the person who cares the least controls the outcomes if allowed, so fighting for closure, seeking explanations, or wanting answers will only delay what you already know.

Please remember, no one who really cares for you would treat you in such a way... when we accept the life waiting for us, better things can happen.

It hurts, I've been there and I can share that once you center your path, the beginning of your clarity can begin and you will understand that her actions and words tell you that the change you dread can be salvation disguised. 

Your first step is to remove yourself from the negatives and start placing yourself in a position to receive the positives.

I highly encourage you to get the paperwork together, be sure your finances are legally separated, start looking for a place to live, and find a good mediator that can fairly represent you both, then file.

It is not the change that hurts you, it is your resistance to it that is painful.

Peace be with you as you begin this journey.


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## stevesmith99

lovemimi said:


> My wife and I have been married for about 10 years. When we got married she had a son 7 years old son and now he is 17. Her son and I are like a real father/son relationship. In September we had a little argument and my wife asked me for a divorce (Like Pronto). She told me she wanted to tell me that for a long time and that is why she stopped having sex with me. She wanted me to wake up and confront her about that but I never did.
> 
> The day she asked me for the divorce, I asked her if we could wait until her son graduates from high school. (He is in 11th grade now). Her son is very attached to me, he is doing extremely well in school, and I was thinking maybe if we do a divorce now he might get distracted from his school work. She answered like this "Why do you want to do that? I can't give you what you want. I cant go to be with you. She feels guilty she is having fun with friends and I am in the house taking care of her son. She said "You need to start going out and having fun too and find someone who can give you what you need."
> 
> So the week we had the argument, I started to read about divorce and we learned about uncontested divorce. When we sat down to start the paperwork, she stopped me and told me to wait, that she will do it herself at her store. So I gave her all the information and let her do it. (Sept 2021)
> 
> It is Nov. 2021 and she hasn't filed yet but every day she makes it clear that our relationship is over and done. We still don't sleep together. She made it clear not to ask her about her whereabouts. She wants to be free.
> 
> It hurts me to see her going out of the house for days or weeks and coming back home as if she was in a comedy central show. Very happy. Sometimes when I talk to her she is so deep in her phone and she ignores me completely. (that kind of hurt)
> 
> This is becoming painful. I thought we could be separated until we get the divorce and live in the same house the three of us. But my heart is running out of energy. I really don't want to get angry with her and start fighting with her. I respect both my wife and her son and I don't want to scream at her. But I am human and I feel I am running out of calmness  . I am writing this and tears coming out of my eyes. She usually goes out on Sunday and comes back Tuesday. (Every week). My only worry right now is her son. I really hope he will not get affected by all these issues. Yesterday she told me that her only thing from making a decision is her son. She told me is making it impossible for her for making a decision.
> 
> How do you guys deal with such a story? I don't want to tell you guys how hurt/painful I feel 24/7.
> 
> Thank you


So sorry for what you are going through. But you have to take a step no matter how hard it is for you because it is the only option you have. Free yourself from her let her go.


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## lovemimi

Casual Observer said:


> That’s a harsh thing to say about her son. That relationship could be very real and important to both of them. The son is not to blame here.


Agree, that is why I didn't pull the trigger before because of her son. I will file and give her the chance to leave her son with me if she wants. She will get 100% freedom from both sides. Maybe an offer she will not refuse?


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## lovemimi

Emerging Buddhist said:


> We do not need to ask permission to end our suffering.
> 
> What you do need is calm though, the ability to see that the choices made are your choices and not from a place where others are calling the shots. You are in a place to realize that the person who cares the least controls the outcomes if allowed, so fighting for closure, seeking explanations, or wanting answers will only delay what you already know.
> 
> Please remember, no one who really cares for you would treat you in such a way... when we accept the life waiting for us, better things can happen.
> 
> It hurts, I've been there and I can share that once you center your path, the beginning of your clarity can begin and you will understand that her actions and words tell you that the change you dread can be salvation disguised.
> 
> Your first step is to remove yourself from the negatives and start placing yourself in a position to receive the positives.
> 
> I highly encourage you to get the paperwork together, be sure your finances are legally separated, start looking for a place to live, and find a good mediator that can fairly represent you both, then file.
> 
> It is not the change that hurts you, it is your resistance to it that is painful.
> 
> Peace be with you as you begin this journey.


Thank you very much for such kind words. I really like this part:
"It is not the change that hurts you, it is your resistance to it that is painful."


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## lovemimi

DudeInProgress said:


> Why are you so weak?
> Why do you allow your wife to completely disrespect you and treat you with such disgust?
> Why have you tolerated a sexless marriage for two years?
> Why are you choosing to be cuckolded by your wife?


Can it be because I love her?


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## lovemimi

Beach123 said:


> No need for any conversation… she’s already left the marriage with her OM.
> 
> Protect any assets you may have. If she wants the car - she should pay you for the value of the car.
> 
> She’s gone - file those papers and take your life back.
> 
> SHE should be having the relationship with her son too. Make sure SHE has plenty of time with him.
> 
> Stop doing all the parenting - it’s also HER job.
> 
> Get busy building a new future. She is your past.


Well, she gets upset if I tell her to stop spending so much time with her friends and to go see her son playing in school sports activities. Her son's school is about 10 minutes from her work. One day I told her, hey today is the last game and you never went to see him. She said where it is and I told her it is an away game. I said maybe like an hour or so. Then she said. That is too far. Then she got upset when I told her. I know it is far but when your friends ask you for 5hrs to 7hrs trip to another state, you immediately go with them. She told me "Don't tell me how I should raise my son". In the meantime, I am rushing for 5pm to arrive to run and watch his games. Then she said, I am not fun of those sports. I told her, it is not about you, it is about your son knowing that you are there for him You need to see his kid. Sometimes he is looking left and right to ensure we are there. But he only sees me. She is never there. Lastly, she told me, "you don't know anything. I text him all the time." I said really? texting? is he at the bottom of your list you can't spend physical time with him?

I don't know why I love that woman so much. I really can't take her out of my mind. It is as if I am afraid of her . Afraid of what????? I don't know what I am afraid of what. I am just afraid.


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## Kaliber

lovemimi said:


> Can it be because I love her?


@lovemimi what's love got to so with it?!!



lovemimi said:


> "Don't tell me how I should raise my son"


That's why it's advised not to marry single Moms, you take full responsibility with zero authority!



lovemimi said:


> I don't know why I love that woman so much. I really can't take her out of my mind. It is as if I am afraid of her . Afraid of what????? I don't know what I am afraid of what. I am just afraid.


@lovemimi maybe you are afraid that you won't find someone else? Is she the best you can do?!
Maybe you need therapy, because she is abusing you and showing you she is not a good Mom! How can you be attracted to such type?!


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## lovemimi

Kaliber said:


> @lovemimi what's love got to so with it?!!
> 
> 
> That's why it's advised not to marry single Moms, you take full responsibility with zero authority!
> 
> 
> @lovemimi maybe you are afraid that you won't find someone else? Is she the best you can do?!


I meant, I am delaying the filing because I think I will be lost without her bossing me around the house.


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## lovemimi

Kaliber said:


> @lovemimi what's love got to so with it?!!
> 
> 
> That's why it's advised not to marry single Moms, you take full responsibility with zero authority!
> 
> 
> @lovemimi maybe you are afraid that you won't find someone else? Is she the best you can do?!
> Maybe you need therapy, because she is abusing you and showing you she is not a good Mom! How can you be attracted to such type?!


Honestly speaking, I am afraid I will not find one with her good qualities. I only mentioned her bad qualities but her other side is hard to beat. She works hard, is very smart, friendly, happy, and she is like the spotlight everywhere she goes. Hard to explain. But she is terrific except for this little issue about the divorce. Actually, she cares for her son a lot. This change is happening suddenly. She used not to be like that. Somehow I think it has to do with a new set of friends she found. I can be wrong about that.


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## Marc878

lovemimi said:


> Honestly speaking, I am afraid I will not find one with her good qualities. I only mentioned her bad qualities but her other side is hard to beat. She works hard, is very smart, friendly, happy, and she is like the spotlight everywhere she goes. Hard to explain. But she is terrific except for this little issue about the divorce. Actually, she cares for her son a lot. This change is happening suddenly. She used not to be like that. Somehow I think it has to do with a new set of friends she found. I can be wrong about that.


Stop being blind. Her current actions tell you everything. Ignoring them won’t get you a thing except and extended stay in limbo. Limbo is a self imposed state.


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## jonty30

lovemimi said:


> Honestly speaking, I am afraid I will not find one with her good qualities. I only mentioned her bad qualities but her other side is hard to beat. She works hard, is very smart, friendly, happy, and she is like the spotlight everywhere she goes. Hard to explain. But she is terrific except for this little issue about the divorce. Actually, she cares for her son a lot. This change is happening suddenly. She used not to be like that. Somehow I think it has to do with a new set of friends she found. I can be wrong about that.


There are better women in your age group who pray for a second chance at a marriage, after blowing their first marriage sky-high.
You'll be fine.


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## lovemimi

My friend has a similar issue with her husband. In this case, her husband is the one who wants to divorce her. She recommended to me: Louise Hay - The power is within you. -- I am going to listen to that youtube tonight when I go to bed.


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## Kaliber

lovemimi said:


> Honestly speaking, I am afraid I will not find one with her good qualities. I only mentioned her bad qualities but her other side is hard to beat. She works hard, is very smart, friendly, happy, and she is like the spotlight everywhere she goes. Hard to explain. But she is terrific except for this little issue about the divorce. Actually, she cares for her son a lot. This change is happening suddenly. She used not to be like that. Somehow I think it has to do with a new set of friends she found. I can be wrong about that.


@lovemimi, her actions only tells you ONE thing, there is another man in her life, this is the time where you get angry for being duped and disrespected!
I doubt she will find a good step dad like you to her son!
Your best action is to show her that you have self respect, dignity and high value, you need to blindside her with divorce papers, don't tell her anything, let her get served at work, the reason why she is waiting and didn't file is because she is test driving another man!
If it doesn't work she will come back to you until she finds the next guy, and so on, when she finds that guy she will serve you with the papers!

If you're OK with that, then do your thing and wait for her, she might come back!
*However* you will be getting a women full of another man's seed inside or her!

You major issue is that you don't have enough confidence in yourself:


lovemimi said:


> Honestly speaking, I am afraid I will not find one with her good qualities.


Trust me, if you managed to get this women you will manage to find another.. even better!


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## jonty30

lovemimi said:


> My friend has a similar issue with her husband. In this case, her husband is the one who wants to divorce her. She recommended to me: Louise Hay - The power is within you. -- I am going to listen to that youtube tonight when I go to bed.


Read up on how to be more masculine. You may not have that jutting chin or broad cheeks and you may not be 6' tall with broad shoulders and you may not have superstar looks. 
However, you can act more masculine and more confident. That's a choice that you make everyday as a male.
There are books out there that can help you be more masculine.


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## Trident

lovemimi said:


> I meant, I am delaying the filing because I think I will be lost without her bossing me around the house.


You don't need a counselor, you need a doctor who specializes in undescended testicles.


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## lovemimi

Kaliber said:


> @lovemimi, her actions only tells you ONE thing, there is another man in her life, this is the time where you get angry for being duped and disrespected!
> I doubt she will find a good step dad like you to her son!
> Your best action is to show her that you have self respect, dignity and high value, you need to blindside her with divorce papers, don't tell her anything, let her get served at work, the reason why she is waiting and didn't file is because she is test driving another man!
> If it doesn't work she will come back to you until she finds the next guy, and so on, when she finds that guy she will serve you with the papers!
> 
> If you're OK with that, then do your thing and wait for her, she might come back!
> *However* you will be getting a women full of another man's seed inside or her!
> 
> You major issue is that you don't have enough confidence in yourself:
> 
> Trust me, if you managed to get this women you will manage to find another.. even better!


This is the part that hurts me so much when I think about it. I always think about that and it doesn't let me sleep 
", the reason why she is waiting and didn't file is that she is test driving another man! "


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## jonty30

lovemimi said:


> This is the part that hurts me so much when I think about it. I always think about that and it doesn't let me sleep
> ", the reason why she is waiting and didn't file is that she is test driving another man! "


You're plan B. Accept it or reject it.
You're might even be plan C.


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## lovemimi

I used to drink on weekends and after 2017, I got bored and stopped drinking. I wanted to start drinking again to see if that would help but she advised me it is not good for me to drink at this moment. It can worsen things. So I did as she pleased.


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## Tdbo

lovemimi said:


> I meant, I am delaying the filing because I think I will be lost without her bossing me around the house.


Seriously?
From what you have stated, a venomous snake would be an upgrade for you.
The only thing sadder then how she treats you, is how she treats her offspring she pushed through her loins.
Have her served cold. Show her the same level of mercy she has shown you.
Use the element of surprise to your advantage. You should also look up and utilize the 180, to give you the clarity you need.


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## jlg07

lovemimi said:


> This is the part that hurts me so much when I think about it. I always think about that and it doesn't let me sleep
> ", the reason why she is waiting and didn't file is that she is test driving another man! "


So ,why are you waiting for HER to trigger the filing? YOU can do this. You need to take back YOUR self respect here and do what YOU want. This is YOUR life, not to be controlled by her.


----------



## Trident

lovemimi said:


> I wanted to start drinking again to see if that would help


Crazy bad idea right there.


----------



## Kaliber

lovemimi said:


> This is the part that hurts me so much when I think about it. I always think about that and it doesn't let me sleep
> ", the reason why she is waiting and didn't file is that she is test driving another man! "


Oh, not just that, you are a perfect babysitter so she can go out and do what she wants!
End this sham of a marriage and take your life and self respect back!
You worth more than this!
You're a good man, and a good father who she is taking advantage of!


----------



## Casual Observer

lovemimi said:


> Can it be because I love her?


There might be a distinction you’re missing between you loving her and your need to be loved. They are different things and you need to consider that this is not the right person for you, if you need to be loved by someone.

This isn’t about her. It’s about you.


----------



## lovemimi

I appreciate all the positive comments and I really need to find energy for filing the divorce. I am still puzzled that some of you can deal with issues like this so positively. Thinking about some of the comments makes my head/and stomach hurt. But as soon that I see a text msg from her, I forget everything and my heart feels as if it has a dancing butterfly. Just now she sent me a picture of her puppy. That simple act made me feel happy. According to her, she says I am the nanny of her puppy.


----------



## Resu

lovemimi said:


> My friend has a similar issue ... She recommended to me: Louise Hay - The power is within you. -- I am going to listen to that youtube tonight when I go to bed.


If you are into Louise Hay you might like Marisa Peer - 




Louise Hay can be empowering if you don't mind affirmations but just get on the front foot and get on with it with the real life stuff. You might well feel lost at first in the peace and possibilities if your own space. You might have to boss yourself about but it will be so healthy. You should really enjoy this friend and share with each other, forget the old partners🤣


----------



## Marc878

lovemimi said:


> I appreciate all the positive comments and I really need to find energy for filing the divorce. I am still puzzled that some of you can deal with issues like this so positively. Thinking about some of the comments makes my head/and stomach hurt. But as soon that I see a text msg from her, I forget everything and my heart feels as if it has a dancing butterfly. Just now she sent me a picture of her puppy. That simple act made me feel happy. According to her, she says I am the nanny of her puppy.


Dump a cheater and gain a life.


----------



## Lostinthought61

lovemimi said:


> I appreciate all the positive comments and I really need to find energy for filing the divorce. I am still puzzled that some of you can deal with issues like this so positively. Thinking about some of the comments makes my head/and stomach hurt. But as soon that I see a text msg from her, I forget everything and my heart feels as if it has a dancing butterfly. Just now she sent me a picture of her puppy. That simple act made me feel happy. According to her, she says I am the nanny of her puppy.



I hope you messaged her not your puppy not your problem...


----------



## DudeInProgress

lovemimi said:


> Honestly speaking, I am afraid I will not find one with her good qualities. I only mentioned her bad qualities but her other side is hard to beat. She works hard, is very smart, friendly, happy, and she is like the spotlight everywhere she goes. Hard to explain. But she is terrific except for this little issue about the divorce. Actually, she cares for her son a lot. This change is happening suddenly. She used not to be like that. Somehow I think it has to do with a new set of friends she found. I can be wrong about that.


And OJ was a pretty good guy a lot of the time…


----------



## DudeInProgress

lovemimi said:


> My friend has a similar issue with her husband. In this case, her husband is the one who wants to divorce her. She recommended to me: Louise Hay - The power is within you. -- I am going to listen to that youtube tonight when I go to bed.


Maybe you need to talk to some male friends.


----------



## Beach123

lovemimi said:


> I used to drink on weekends and after 2017, I got bored and stopped drinking. I wanted to start drinking again to see if that would help but she advised me it is not good for me to drink at this moment. It can worsen things. So I did as she pleased.


quit being her chump.
Do what you want! She does whatever she wants!
From what you described - she doesn’t have good qualities and she isn’t a good wife or a good mother!
Stop being so blind and weak.
She’s not acting married to you anymore! It is over!


----------



## jonty30

Lostinthought61 said:


> I hope you messaged her not your puppy not your problem...


Or he could keep the dog and save it from this woman. If the puppy doesn't work, who knows what she will do with it.


----------



## DudeInProgress

lovemimi said:


> Can it be because I love her?


No. Love is not an excuse for being walked on and disrespected.
And it doesn’t answer the question.


----------



## Tdbo

lovemimi said:


> I appreciate all the positive comments and I really need to find energy for filing the divorce. I am still puzzled that some of you can deal with issues like this so positively. Thinking about some of the comments makes my head/and stomach hurt. But as soon that I see a text msg from her, I forget everything and my heart feels as if it has a dancing butterfly. Just now she sent me a picture of her puppy. That simple act made me feel happy. According to her, she says I am the nanny of her puppy.


She can only treat you like s**t with your permission.
Stop permitting her to do so.


----------



## jonty30

lovemimi said:


> I appreciate all the positive comments and I really need to find energy for filing the divorce. I am still puzzled that some of you can deal with issues like this so positively. Thinking about some of the comments makes my head/and stomach hurt. But as soon that I see a text msg from her, I forget everything and my heart feels as if it has a dancing butterfly. Just now she sent me a picture of her puppy. That simple act made me feel happy. According to her, she says I am the nanny of her puppy.


The reason why many of us can deal with it cheerfully, is because we are out of the tunnel of darkness that you are in and we have healed from our wounds that were inflicted upon us by our wayward spouses. You can be where are if you are prepared to do the work. 

I am concerned that she's using a puppy as a bargaining chip for you. That leaves me concerned for its welfare if you decide to end the relationship. I think that is terrible.


----------



## Marc878

Alcohol is a depressant. The last thing you need. See an attorney which is exactly what you need. Its unhealthy living with a cheater.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

lovemimi said:


> My wife and I have been married for about 10 years. When we got married she had a son 7 years old son and now he is 17. Her son and I are like a real father/son relationship. In September we had a little argument and my wife asked me for a divorce (Like Pronto). She told me she wanted to tell me that for a long time and that is why she stopped having sex with me. She wanted me to wake up and confront her about that but I never did.
> 
> The day she asked me for the divorce, I asked her if we could wait until her son graduates from high school. (He is in 11th grade now). Her son is very attached to me, he is doing extremely well in school, and I was thinking maybe if we do a divorce now he might get distracted from his school work. She answered like this "Why do you want to do that? I can't give you what you want. I cant go to be with you. She feels guilty she is having fun with friends and I am in the house taking care of her son. She said "You need to start going out and having fun too and find someone who can give you what you need."
> 
> So the week we had the argument, I started to read about divorce and we learned about uncontested divorce. When we sat down to start the paperwork, she stopped me and told me to wait, that she will do it herself at her store. So I gave her all the information and let her do it. (Sept 2021)
> 
> It is Nov. 2021 and she hasn't filed yet but every day she makes it clear that our relationship is over and done. We still don't sleep together. She made it clear not to ask her about her whereabouts. She wants to be free.
> 
> It hurts me to see her going out of the house for days or weeks and coming back home as if she was in a comedy central show. Very happy. Sometimes when I talk to her she is so deep in her phone and she ignores me completely. (that kind of hurt)
> 
> This is becoming painful. I thought we could be separated until we get the divorce and live in the same house the three of us. But my heart is running out of energy. I really don't want to get angry with her and start fighting with her. I respect both my wife and her son and I don't want to scream at her. But I am human and I feel I am running out of calmness  . I am writing this and tears coming out of my eyes. She usually goes out on Sunday and comes back Tuesday. (Every week). My only worry right now is her son. I really hope he will not get affected by all these issues. Yesterday she told me that her only thing from making a decision is her son. She told me is making it impossible for her for making a decision.
> 
> How do you guys deal with such a story? I don't want to tell you guys how hurt/painful I feel 24/7.
> 
> Thank you


I'm sorry you're in this painful situation. I feel really bad for the son. Have you told her you intend to keep up a relationship with him after the divorce? I would think that would make things easier. I don't see why she would have an objection to you seeing him and still being his father figure. Have you talked about that? It would be cruel for either one of you too make him not see you if you have a decent relationship. 

She has obviously moved on and you need to accept that a divorce is going to be happening. It wouldn't even be good for the sun to be living with you to in an unconventional separated with one parent dating situation so you don't want to model that situation for him even if she decides she wants to do it. Besides being confusing to him and sending him bad messages it would be very painful for you. 

She has already got her new life going. Don't you think it would make it a little easier if you had some assurances that you could continue being a father figure to the son with her blessing? And she can move out.


----------



## Galabar01

lovemimi said:


> ... Just now she sent me a picture of her puppy. That simple act made me feel happy. According to her, she says I am the nanny of her puppy.


That sounds like extreme manipulation. WTF?


----------



## SunCMars

Not one of us can help you.
You cannot help yourself.

The one who will (oh, so, very much, help you) is your wife.

When she files for divorce and _permanently_ moves out, you will be forced to (finally) fend for yourself.

Please thank her for that, when it happens.

Yes...

She may delay the divorce because you are calm and paralyzed at the moment.
She may, indeed, wait until her son graduates High School (your idea).

It does make sense, since you are allowing her that total freedom.

I believe you are on that _spectrum_ of discovery.

Good luck, God Bless.



_Lilith-_


----------



## jlg07

lovemimi said:


> But as soon that I see a text msg from her, I forget everything and my heart feels as if it has a dancing butterfly. Just


You know how you fix this? Find your anger at the bs she is pulling on you and her son. USE that anger to get YOU moving on your plans.
Her saying YOU are the nanny of her dog? What do now she wants to give you more if her responsibilities? It's not enough for you to watch her son while she is out partying, but now she wants you to take care of her dog? Get PISSED at this and use that to get you moving and not feeling butterflies.


----------



## Evinrude58

That was sweet of her new boyfriend to buy her a puppy. Hopefully you’ll take care of it so he’s not inconvenienced.

Your heart is dancing when she texts you?
Your wife is with another man and texting you while she’s not busy getting plowed and needs you to watch her dog?

you can’t ask her where she is?

You’ve had 2 years of dead bedroom to get a good mad on. She’s blatantly chasing men while you take care of the home.
What’s it going to take for you to get the motivation to break free of this woman’s spell?


----------



## lovemimi

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm sorry you're in this painful situation. I feel really bad for the son. Have you told her you intend to keep up a relationship with him after the divorce? I would think that would make things easier. I don't see why she would have an objection to you seeing him and still being his father figure. Have you talked about that? It would be cruel for either one of you too make him not see you if you have a decent relationship.
> 
> She has obviously moved on and you need to accept that a divorce is going to be happening. It wouldn't even be good for the sun to be living with you to in an unconventional separated with one parent dating situation so you don't want to model that situation for him even if she decides she wants to do it. Besides being confusing to him and sending him bad messages it would be very painful for you.
> 
> She has already got her new life going. Don't you think it would make it a little easier if you had some assurances that you could continue being a father figure to the son with her blessing? And she can move out.


What if I tell her I will do the paperwork for the divorce this weekend. She can leave the house today or after the divorce is finalized and if she wants she can leave her son here with me until she settles down or forever until he wants to leave the house?


----------



## lovemimi

Evinrude58 said:


> That was sweet of her new boyfriend to buy her a puppy. Hopefully you’ll take care of it so he’s not inconvenienced.
> 
> Your heart is dancing when she texts you?
> Your wife is with another man and texting you while she’s not busy getting plowed and needs you to watch her dog?
> 
> you can’t ask her where she is?
> 
> You’ve had 2 years of dead bedroom to get a good mad on. She’s blatantly chasing men while you take care of the home.
> What’s it going to take for you to get the motivation to break free of this woman’s spell?


You don't understand. She has something I can't find in any other woman? funny as it sounds, I tried watching pornos site and somehow, I can't concentrate on those videos because all I think is that She is having sex with another person and that turns me down and I have to close the site


----------



## lovemimi

jlg07 said:


> You know how you fix this? Find your anger at the bs she is pulling on you and her son. USE that anger to get YOU moving on your plans.
> Her saying YOU are the nanny of her dog? What do now she wants to give you more if her responsibilities? It's not enough for you to watch her son while she is out partying, but now she wants you to take care of her dog? Get PISSED at this and use that to get you moving and not feeling butterflies.


About the puppy, she bought the puppy in June. But when she can't take the puppy with her she tells the puppy "Sorry you can't come with me you need to stay with the nanny, she smiles, and handles the puppy to me"


----------



## lovemimi

SunCMars said:


> Not one of us can help you.
> You cannot help yourself.
> 
> The one who will (oh, so, very much, help you) is your wife.
> 
> When she files for divorce and _permanently_ moves out, you will be forced to (finally) fend for yourself.
> 
> Please thank her for that, when it happens.
> 
> Yes...
> 
> She may delay the divorce because you are calm and paralyzed at the moment.
> She may, indeed, wait until her son graduates High School (your idea).
> 
> It does make sense, since you are allowing her that total freedom.
> 
> I believe you are on that _spectrum_ of discovery.
> 
> Good luck, God Bless.
> 
> 
> 
> _Lilith-_


More or less that is how I am viewing things just the way you described them. The only thing is I thought I could handle it but each time she goes out so happy and comes so happy it kind of hurt me. Then she comes and home sticks to the phone as if she is a zombie. I talk to her and is as if no one is talking to her. Maybe I am thinking too much about this. Maybe I just need to let it be, hibernate about all this, and wait for her to divorce me?


----------



## manwithnoname

lovemimi said:


> About the puppy, she bought the puppy in June. But when she can't take the puppy with her she tells the puppy "Sorry you can't come with me you need to stay with the nanny, she smiles, and handles the puppy to me"


This is just wow. 

Stop being a masochist 

File now.


----------



## lovemimi

jonty30 said:


> The reason why many of us can deal with it cheerfully, is because we are out of the tunnel of darkness that you are in and we have healed from our wounds that were inflicted upon us by our wayward spouses. You can be where are if you are prepared to do the work.
> 
> I am concerned that she's using a puppy as a bargaining chip for you. That leaves me concerned for its welfare if you decide to end the relationship. I think that is terrible.


I want to get out of this but I have a soft heart for her. I don't know how to get angry at her. It is as if my heart doesn't allow me to get angry at her. Maybe because I think of her son and I respect him too much to get angry with his mom?


----------



## lovemimi

Galabar01 said:


> That sounds like extreme manipulation. WTF?


Maybe she knows if I hear from her I get happy and I forget all her wrong doing? Maybe deep down is a nice person?


----------



## lovemimi

Beach123 said:


> quit being her chump.
> Do what you want! She does whatever she wants!
> From what you described - she doesn’t have good qualities and she isn’t a good wife or a good mother!
> Stop being so blind and weak.
> She’s not acting married to you anymore! It is over!


She did tell me our marriage is over. She would not undress in front of me. The other day I entered the bathroom by mistake and she was undressing and she told me just like this "what are you doing here, you know I am undressing. What is your problem, get out"


----------



## manwithnoname

lovemimi said:


> Maybe she knows if I hear from her I get happy and I forget all her wrong doing? Maybe deep down is a nice person?


Not likely.


----------



## Blondilocks

lovemimi said:


> She has *something *I can't find in any other woman?


What would that be? Are you able to articulate it?


----------



## lovemimi

Blondilocks said:


> What would that be? Are you able to articulate it?


Maybe I like her body hygiene, the way she takes care of herself. She is funny, smart, work hard to earn her own money like she says


----------



## Trident

lovemimi said:


> she told me just like this "what are you doing here, you know I am undressing. What is your problem, get out"


That's so sweet.


----------



## lovemimi

Amazing, I have been dealing with this issue (alone) since Sept. I posted here yesterday and today I feel like a new man today. I feel as If I am starting to accept something I was ignoring or wanting to ignore.

I thank all of you for the eye-opening and to help me understand that: life can be as depressed as one wanted to be or as precious as one wanted to be. So it is up to me if I want to eat a piece of the pie of the depressing life or happy life. At this moment I feel as if life is presenting to me two situations: Either I push a truck all alone to a hill (which can be very hard to do) or I can spend time doing things that I can enjoy fully without causing any harm to my body, heart, should, or mind(which is joyful to do).😍🥰


----------



## DudeInProgress

lovemimi said:


> More or less that is how I am viewing things just the way you described them. The only thing is I thought I could handle it but each time she goes out so happy and comes so happy it kind of hurt me. Then she comes and home sticks to the phone as if she is a zombie. I talk to her and is as if no one is talking to her. Maybe I am thinking too much about this. Maybe I just need to let it be, hibernate about all this, and wait for her to divorce me?


He was being sarcastic.

This has to be a joke at this point. 
It’s not possible for any man to be this weak and spineless, and this much of a willing doormat.


----------



## lovemimi

DudeInProgress said:


> He was being sarcastic.
> 
> This has to be a joke at this point.
> It’s not possible for any man to be this weak and spineless, and this much of a willing doormat.


I am serious about all I am saying. I need help and that is why I need to be honest so that you guys can help me better. My female friend who is helping me told me that maybe I am getting used to whatever it is that she is doing and that can make it more difficult for me to let her go. (she told me it is becoming like a drug, we know drugs are not good but some people still use them)


----------



## Kaliber

@lovemimi I think you are a soft hearted man, a good man, a "Nice Guy" with obvious confidence issues (judging from your replies) and you fell for a cunning women who knew she can make you a step daddy and a babysitter!
I'm sorry she took advantage of you, most women will do (even the good ones will do after a while) if that's your confidence level and low self esteem.

My advice:
Join a gym and start lifting weights, also you *MUST *join some martial arts classes, Jujutsu is a good one, and make some friends their (This is important) , trust me, you really need to do that!
I wish you luck buddy!


----------



## lovemimi

Kaliber said:


> @lovemimi I think you are a soft hearted man, a good man, a "Nice Guy" with obvious confidence issues (judging from your replies) and you fell for a cunning women who knew she can make you a step daddy and a babysitter!
> I'm sorry she took advantage of you, most women will do (even the good ones will do after a while) if that's your confidence level and low self esteem.
> 
> My advice:
> Join a gym and start lifting weights, also you *MUST *join some martial arts classes, Jujutsu is a good one, and make some friends their (This is important) , trust me, you really need to do that!
> I wish you luck buddy!



Thank you! I am thinking in joining a chess club also


----------



## DudeInProgress

lovemimi said:


> Thank you! I am thinking in joining a chess club also


Chess is fine, gym and BJJ first


----------



## Evinrude58

lovemimi said:


> Thank you! I am thinking in joining a chess club also


Lol that’ll do it.


----------



## Trident

I'm thinking badminton might be a good fit for you.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

lovemimi said:


> What if I tell her I will do the paperwork for the divorce this weekend. She can leave the house today or after the divorce is finalized and if she wants she can leave her son here with me until she settles down or forever until he wants to leave the house?


You can certainly ask her. She may want her son with her of course, but she could always have visitation and come in get him for a couple of days or whatever and he can stay there in school.


----------



## Resu

Did you get the divorce filed?

My take:
You really are a lovely guy and she is really taking the piss. You see the good in her but the bad can't be avoided. I know it hurts when you see it. I know it is easier not to but it is there. Anger CAN motivate action. It doesn't mean histrionics and drama in front of the boy. You won't feel terrific as soon as you take the first action but it gets better when you take action. It really does. The boy will be feeling the atmosphere and it will affect him. I know that is not an easy call to make.

You need to move.
I am glad this forum has given you a fresh perspective. September is a long way away now.
For the man you are now, rather than the man you have been used to being, you need to act ie do the divorce. "Action brings good fortune".

That's my last input.

Good luck with it. Every week and every month in this passage is a learning curve. We are here to face things and to grow. Embrace it😃

By the way - forget the porn and the pain. It was just an empty diversion. Face the facts. Do it.


----------



## lovemimi

DownByTheRiver said:


> You can certainly ask her. She may want her son with her of course, but she could always have visitation and come in get him for a couple of days or whatever and he can stay there in school.


Thank you! I am waiting for her to come home to have a calm conversation with her. Hopely she doesn't start yelling for no good reason.


----------



## lovemimi

Trident said:


> I'm thinking badminton might be a good fit for you.


I always had a passion for chess. I can move the pieces and play a bit. Maybe time to take it more seriously.


----------



## lovemimi

Resu said:


> Did you get the divorce filed?
> 
> My take:
> You really are a lovely guy and she is really taking the piss. You see the good in her but the bad can't be avoided. I know it hurts when you see it. I know it is easier not to but it is there. Anger CAN motivate action. It doesn't mean histrionics and drama in front of the boy. You won't feel terrific as soon as you take the first action but it gets better when you take action. It really does. The boy will be feeling the atmosphere and it will affect him. I know that is not an easy call to make.
> 
> You need to move.
> I am glad this forum has given you a fresh perspective. September is a long way away now.
> For the man you are now, rather than the man you have been used to being, you need to act ie do the divorce. "Action brings good fortune".
> 
> That's my last input.
> 
> Good luck with it. Every week and every month in this passage is a learning curve. We are here to face things and to grow. Embrace it😃
> 
> By the way - forget the porn and the pain. It was just an empty diversion. Face the facts. Do it.


Thank you..somehow your post is bringing a smile to my face but some tears too I don't know why. Is like happy tears that finally my heart will be free from this 24/7 suffering. I cant deny I love that woman!


----------



## Evinrude58

lovemimi said:


> I always had a passion for chess. I can move the pieces and play a bit. Maybe time to take it more seriously.


Probably not that attractive if a sport to anyone but a very sophisticated and intelligent woman.


----------



## jlg07

lovemimi said:


> About the puppy, she bought the puppy in June. But when she can't take the puppy with her she tells the puppy "Sorry you can't come with me you need to stay with the nanny, she smiles, and handles the puppy to me"


You should start telling her that you can't watch the puppy. That dog is HER responsibility. Don't you find it condescending that she refers to you as the nanny? That by itself would piss me off.


----------



## lovemimi

jlg07 said:


> You should start telling her that you can't watch the puppy. That dog is HER responsibility. Don't you find it condescending that she refers to you as the nanny? That by itself would piss me off.


I think she says nanny for joking. I don't think she means any harm.


----------



## jlg07

lovemimi said:


> I think she says nanny for joking. I don't think she means any harm.


No, she means it to manipulate you and demean you. Do you find it funny? I find it a bit emasculating to be honest, and it would piss me off. She's screwed you over and you want to joke around with her? If you are so hurt, why are you also not pissed off? Why do you accept this from her? Why do you wait for any tiny breadcrumb of attention from her?
It's time to start living your life for YOU.


----------



## lovemimi

jlg07 said:


> No, she means it to manipulate you and demean you. Do you find it funny? I find it a bit emasculating to be honest, and it would piss me off. She's screwed you over and you want to joke around with her? If you are so hurt, why are you also not pissed off? Why do you accept this from her? Why do you wait for any tiny breadcrumb of attention from her?
> It's time to start living your life for YOU.


I post it. Somehow I don't know how to get upset with her. As if I don't have the energy to get upset with her. I only have the energy to love her and desire her. It is very odd. As if I am afraid to be upset with her.


----------



## Trident

You are definitely fear driven.

This is no way to live.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

lovemimi said:


> Thank you! I am waiting for her to come home to have a calm conversation with her. Hopely she doesn't start yelling for no good reason.


Wishing you the very best of luck. I'm proud of you for trying to take charge of this situation and do what's best. I know making good decisions isn't easy when you're upset and emotional and overwhelmed. You're doing good.


----------



## Lostinthought61

lovemimi said:


> She did tell me our marriage is over. She would not undress in front of me. The other day I entered the bathroom by mistake and she was undressing and she told me just like this "what are you doing here, you know I am undressing. What is your problem, get out"


 why don't you start by kicking her out of the bedroom and give her another room in the house...


----------



## DudeInProgress

lovemimi said:


> I post it. Somehow I don't know how to get upset with her. As if I don't have the energy to get upset with her. I only have the energy to love her and desire her. It is very odd. As if I am afraid to be upset with her.


Then nothing will change. 
And you’ll continue to operate as a weak, spineless, pathetic man with no dignity.
And that’s how you’ll be treated by women (and other men). Respected by no one because you’re conduct / mode of operating in the world is not respectable.

And it’s tragic because it’s a choice. You have the capability to choose the kind of man you’re going to be. 
You could choose to be a man of strength and integrity, with dignity and self respect. But you’re choosing not to, and seem quite comfortable and resigned to remaining in your current, pathetic situation.

We’re wasting our time here.


----------



## lovemimi

DudeInProgress said:


> Then nothing will change.
> And you’ll continue to operate as a weak, spineless, pathetic man with no dignity.
> And that’s how you’ll be treated by women (and other men). Respected by no one because you’re conduct / mode of operating in the world is not respectable.
> 
> And it’s tragic because it’s a choice. You have the capability to choose the kind of man you’re going to be.
> You could choose to be a man of strength and integrity, with dignity and self respect. But you’re choosing not to, and seem quite comfortable and resigned to remaining in your current, pathetic situation.
> 
> We’re wasting our time here.


Actually I am a strong man. I am only weak with her. NO woman ever manipulated me. It is as if I am enjoying her manipulation. Very odd


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## lovemimi

Lostinthought61 said:


> why don't you start by kicking her out of the bedroom and give her another room in the house...


That is happening a long time ago. She is not sleeping in our room. She was the one who decided to separate from the room a while back. Wait before the pandemic started


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## Beach123

So her affair(s) started way back then.
If you don’t do things that show that YOU respect YOURSELF - no one else will.

she doesn’t respect you. She doesn’t honor you. And she doesn’t love you.
The marriage has been over for a long time.
Move out and begin a new life that involves respect man.


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## Lostinthought61

just to be clear do you own the house ?


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## Marc878

Living on hopium will just get you more of what you’ve been getting.


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## lovemimi

Lostinthought61 said:


> just to be clear do you own the house ?


Yes, I bought a house before I got married.


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## lovemimi

lovemimi said:


> That is happening a long time ago. She is not sleeping in our room. She was the one who decided to separate from the room a while back. Wait before the pandemic started


yes, I think she started to date back in 2018 or 2017. I am not 100% sure of that but that is my suspicion. She stopped sleeping in the same bed around Dec 2019.


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## lovemimi

lovemimi said:


> yes, I think she started to date back in 2018 or 2017. I am not 100% sure of that but that is my suspicion. She stopped sleeping in the same bed around Dec 2019.





lovemimi said:


> yes, I think she started to date back in 2018 or 2017. I am not 100% sure of that but that is my suspicion. She stopped sleeping in the same bed around Dec 2019.





lovemimi said:


> That is happening a long time ago. She is not sleeping in our room. She was the one who decided to separate from the room a while back. Wait before the pandemic started


She recently told me she wants a divorce back in September.


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## Marc878

She’s cut you off sexually because she doesn’t want to cheat on her boyfriend. That’s the way these things work. Stupid logic but it happens more than not. Stop burying your head in the sand.

Denial is only a temporary comfort zone and will get you nothing.


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## DownByTheRiver

Don't take it out on the innocent puppy. That's not the hill to die on.


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## Evinrude58

Even in my worst state of depression, weakness, and mental anguish—- I can’t imagine putting up with this kind of disrespect. Calling my a nanny? Telling me not to ask where she is because it irritates her? Going out shagging other men and coming back days later? I think I could divorce from this pretty easily.


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## DLC

To OP, as long as you accept the marriage is gone, then you can decide on what to do. If what she is doing hurts you, that sounds like you have some unfinished business with her.

and then it’s your step son. I think it’s honorable that you put him into your consideration. Maybe you do need to sit down with him to have a mature conversation about the divorce (it’s not if but when). After high school, it will be college. I think parents divorce may hit him the same when he is in college. So a delay may not matter, an open communication with him may works better than a delay.


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## lovemimi

DLC said:


> To OP, as long as you accept the marriage is gone, then you can decide on what to do. If what she is doing hurts you, that sounds like you have some unfinished business with her.
> 
> and then it’s your step son. I think it’s honorable that you put him into your consideration. Maybe you do need to sit down with him to have a mature conversation about the divorce (it’s not if but when). After high school, it will be college. I think parents divorce may hit him the same when he is in college. So a delay may not matter, an open communication with him may works better than a delay.


Thank you very much. Very well said


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## lovemimi

Silly question but do women sense things? Today I kind of gave her the cold shoulder when she came home as if I was ready to start the filling process. Guess what? today she is not ignoring me and talking to me like she should. Nicely. How can that be?


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## farsidejunky

Because you stopped being predictable. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Marc878

lovemimi said:


> Silly question but do women sense things? Today I kind of gave her the cold shoulder when she came home as if I was ready to start the filling process. Guess what? today she is not ignoring me and talking to me like she should. Nicely. How can that be?


She’s a cake eater. She senses she might be loosing her cake. You will probably try and analyze everything looking for hopium and grasping at straws. It’s past time you went your own way. You know where she’s been and what she’s been doing. Being a puppet on her string isn’t going to get you a thing.


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## jonty30

lovemimi said:


> Silly question but do women sense things? Today I kind of gave her the cold shoulder when she came home as if I was ready to start the filling process. Guess what? today she is not ignoring me and talking to me like she should. Nicely. How can that be?


It's her last ditch effort to keep you on her string. If she were really interested in repairing the relationship, she would drop everything and come to you.
The answer to your question is yes. Women notice even small changes in their men and wonder about those changes.


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## Trident

lovemimi said:


> Today I kind of gave her the cold shoulder when she came home as if I was ready to start the filling process. Guess what? today she is not ignoring me and talking to me like she should. Nicely.


She's lost some control and she's being manipulative and attempting to reclaim it. 

It's sort of like when the ventriloquist has it's hand up the back of the wooden doll.

She's metaphorically doing the same thing with her hand up your butt and she's pulling whatever internal strings she can to make you respond as expected.


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## Lostinthought61

lovemimi said:


> yes, I think she started to date back in 2018 or 2017. I am not 100% sure of that but that is my suspicion. She stopped sleeping in the same bed around Dec 2019.


So that cheater has the gaul to cheat while staying in your home tell to pack her crap and get out or start charging her kid or no kid...she is just a piece of trash....dear God man get pissed


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## Trident

Lostinthought61 said:


> dear God man get pissed


He can get pissed off or he can continue to get pissed on.


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## lovemimi

Last night I did the first step for the filing. In order to file I need her SSN and Mariage Certificate. I don't have either. So I asked for them and told her that our new medical insurance is asking for it. I told her I need it by Friday. She said she will give it to me. I didn't want to say divorce because just in case.


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## Lostinthought61

lovemimi said:


> Last night I did the first step for the filing. In order to file I need her SSN and Mariage Certificate. I don't have either. So I asked for them and told her that our new medical insurance is asking for it. I told her I need it by Friday. She said she will give it to me. I didn't want to say divorce because just in case.



Wrong wrong stop acting like a lemming....and start growing a pair of balls, you should tell her that one you need those items for filing for divorce so she knows that you are moving on, second you need to tell ask her what is the timeline for her leaving (you are not running a boarding house not when she is not paying anything....like the saying goes ass, gas or grass nobody rides for free ;-)),
And that she better find alternative insurance coverage after 6 months but you can keep her son covered for a while.


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## Blondilocks

You can get her SSN from your taxes and a copy of the marriage certificate from the county courthouse.


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## Evinrude58

The comment “just in case” made me cringe…
In case she …… dies, gets a brain transplant, is hypnotized by Tony Robbins?????….. this should not be anything but a solid GTFO situation.


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## DLC

I don’t need the need to lie about filing for divorce. She already knew about it. And doesn’t matter if what’s she thinks. YOU need to get the heck out. And your step son needs to know the matter is between your soon-to-be ex wife, and you love him the same no matter what.

just proceed with the intend to settle it like adults.


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## oldshirt

You’re acting like a little boy afraid of getting in twouble.


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## oldshirt

lovemimi said:


> Actually I am a strong man. I am only weak with her. NO woman ever manipulated me. It is as if I am enjoying her manipulation. Very odd


That’s not odd. That’s disordered.


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## jonty30

Lostinthought61 said:


> Wrong wrong stop acting like a lemming....and start growing a pair of balls, you should tell her that one you need those items for filing for divorce so she knows that you are moving on, second you need to tell ask her what is the timeline for her leaving (you are not running a boarding house not when she is not paying anything....like the saying goes ass, gas or grass nobody rides for free ;-)),
> And that she better find alternative insurance coverage after 6 months but you can keep her son covered for a while.


Why make it difficult for yourself by causing her to withhold information? I would lie to obtain needed information to expidate the process.


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## Beach123

Disclose everything! Her behavior is unacceptable within any marriage - so be upfront and tell her it’s OVER!
You definitely have codependency issues around her AND her son! Please seek professional help! Like immediately!

when someone treats you like trash - it’s because you have ALLOWED it - and stayed for more. Stop doing that!


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## Gabriel

I've never seen a weaker man in my life.

Maybe this is just a sub fantasy?


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## Beach123

Did you file for divorce?


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

lovemimi said:


> My wife and I have been married for about 10 years. When we got married she had a son 7 years old son and now he is 17. Her son and I are like a real father/son relationship. In September we had a little argument and my wife asked me for a divorce (Like Pronto). She told me she wanted to tell me that for a long time and that is why she stopped having sex with me. She wanted me to wake up and confront her about that but I never did.
> 
> The day she asked me for the divorce, I asked her if we could wait until her son graduates from high school. (He is in 11th grade now). Her son is very attached to me, he is doing extremely well in school, and I was thinking maybe if we do a divorce now he might get distracted from his school work. She answered like this "Why do you want to do that? I can't give you what you want. I cant go to be with you. She feels guilty she is having fun with friends and I am in the house taking care of her son. She said "You need to start going out and having fun too and find someone who can give you what you need."
> 
> So the week we had the argument, I started to read about divorce and we learned about uncontested divorce. When we sat down to start the paperwork, she stopped me and told me to wait, that she will do it herself at her store. So I gave her all the information and let her do it. (Sept 2021)
> 
> It is Nov. 2021 and she hasn't filed yet but every day she makes it clear that our relationship is over and done. We still don't sleep together. She made it clear not to ask her about her whereabouts. She wants to be free.
> 
> It hurts me to see her going out of the house for days or weeks and coming back home as if she was in a comedy central show. Very happy. Sometimes when I talk to her she is so deep in her phone and she ignores me completely. (that kind of hurt)
> 
> This is becoming painful. I thought we could be separated until we get the divorce and live in the same house the three of us. But my heart is running out of energy. I really don't want to get angry with her and start fighting with her. I respect both my wife and her son and I don't want to scream at her. But I am human and I feel I am running out of calmness  . I am writing this and tears coming out of my eyes. She usually goes out on Sunday and comes back Tuesday. (Every week). My only worry right now is her son. I really hope he will not get affected by all these issues. Yesterday she told me that her only thing from making a decision is her son. She told me is making it impossible for her for making a decision.
> 
> How do you guys deal with such a story? I don't want to tell you guys how hurt/painful I feel 24/7.
> 
> Thank you


You should fight divorce by fighting even reacting negatively to her.


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## Marc878

lovemimi said:


> I am not sure, she never told me. I asked how long have you been dating and what she told me was "I go out with a group of people, never go out on a single date". Then I asked her have you been in bed with anyone? She said, "I am not that easy, No". But it is hard to believe. We don't have sex since 2019


The one thing you should understand is cheaters lie. A lot. She’s not gonna tell you the truth. 
Cmon.


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## Marc878

lovemimi said:


> Can it be because I love her?


What do you love? Seriously.


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