# Female Sex Addicts?



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

My W has always been HD since I met her 25 yrs ago. But during a period of 3yrs (which we affectionately call the "dark ages" when we were separated/virtually divorced) from 2002 to 2004, she has said that she was totally addicted to sex.

She had several partners during that period, mostly married guys who were addicted as well. I spoke with one of them and he confirmed the arrangement. She was also drinking a lot during this period. And was dealing with some undiagnosed/untreated MH conditions.

So how common is it for ladies to be sex addicts? The stories about male sex addicts are legion (Bill Clinton, etc).


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

There is a lot of literature on compulsive risk taking, mostly associated with gambling and drug addiction.

You might want to consider if ii was addiction, thrill seeking, self punishment, or a compulsive behavior out of control.

The Kinsey Institute - Current Projects - Emotional State & Risk Taking [ Research Program ]


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

To me, addiction means a behavior that a person feels drawn to, but they also must make a decision to go forward with. Not an excuse, but an understanding of the condition. The dictionary defines it as "compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences".

My W indicated that the "rush" from sexual release is very appealing, especially for someone with BPD if left untreated. At the time, she had a part time job selling vibrators and other sex novelty items, so she had a large personal collection of toys to use. But as she indicated, it was not the same. "I wanted the social interaction, I wanted to feel a heartbeat, body to body." And quite bluntly, she said "there has been nothing invented yet than can properly simulate the feeling of a man's tongue and the response it evokes".


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

peacem said:


> It can be a trait of BPD...


Actually, the closest cluster B disorder that would actually be akin to "sex addiction" would be Histrionic.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I would call it "addiction" if she found she was unable to stop herself from having sex with men. If she made a conscious decision to do so, and simply chose not to stop, I would not consider it an addiction. 

There may be moral issues with sleeping with married men, but I don't see it as a psychological / addiction issue.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Female sex addicts?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

No such animal.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> I would call it "addiction" if she found she was unable to stop herself from having sex with men. If she made a conscious decision to do so, and simply chose not to stop, I would not consider it an addiction.
> 
> There may be moral issues with sleeping with married men, but I don't see it as a psychological / addiction issue.


Even if at risk of losing custody, costing large sums of money, social stigma, losing the house, and getting fired in order to keep it going?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I think all of the female sex addicts are staying locked away with all of the female sex offenders and serial killers for some reason.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Personal said:


> Good luck finding it in the DSM.


I have the "DSM-Street-Edition" which is written mostly by pimps, PUA and war veterans and it has the following definition. 

Female Sex Addict: (noun) _Italian origin_ 1. If found, please return to Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles, CA 90024 - Thanks! Travel fees will be reimbursed.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Personal said:


> So she likes sex, all perfectly normal and not an addiction.


The way I see it is not so much liking sex, but how one goes about getting the sex.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

My first wife was over the top when it came to sex. At first it was great but as time went on she became demanding and got really ugly when it came to sex. With me it got to the point that it wasn't fun any more because of her attitude and behavior and it became a job. 

Towards the end I couldn't stand being around her and it go to the point that one night I was really really tired from work and I went to bed and the next thin I know is she woke me up and she had a knife in one hand and my penis in the other hand and she was making threats. 

When it gets to that point, it wouldn't matter if she was a super model, that kind of thing isn't a way to put you in the mood or to be around. Glad that's over and done with.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I don't know the technical definition of "addiction" but I know someone I consider an addict. To me the key is that an addict really wants to stop doing the thing they are addicted to, but finds themselves unable to do so.

I see this as different from wanting something so much that you are willing to put up with consequences / risks that most people would not accept. 



MAJDEATH said:


> Even if at risk of losing custody, costing large sums of money, social stigma, losing the house, and getting fired in order to keep it going?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

6301 said:


> My first wife was over the top when it came to sex. At first it was great but as time went on she became demanding and got really ugly when it came to sex. With me it got to the point that it wasn't fun any more because of her attitude and behavior and it became a job.
> 
> Towards the end I couldn't stand being around her and it go to the point that one night I was really really tired from work and I went to bed and the next thin I know is she woke me up and she had a knife in one hand and my penis in the other hand and she was making threats.
> 
> When it gets to that point, it wouldn't matter if she was a super model, that kind of thing isn't a way to put you in the mood or to be around. Glad that's over and done with.


Can't believe someone LIKED this message!!!


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Cletus said:


> I think all of the female sex addicts are staying locked away with all of the female sex offenders and serial killers for some reason.


I would be all in favor of "female sex addict" registry so I know where they all live and how close they are to my house.

It's in the public interest to know where to find these women!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I don't think she was addicted to sex. What she liked was the fact that guys were paying attention to her, "liked" her and she fed off that.

Granted that the guys "liked" her because they were getting laid, but from your wife's view, your wife... who was separated from you and probably feeling unloved, ugly, insecure... needed the constant reinforcement that sexually connecting with guys provided.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> I don't think she was addicted to sex. What she liked was the fact that guys were paying attention to her, "liked" her and she fed off that.
> 
> Granted that the guys "liked" her because they were getting laid, but from your wife's view, your wife... who was separated from you and probably feeling unloved, ugly, insecure... needed the constant reinforcement that sexually connecting with guys provided.


Maybe, but we all don't know his old lady. I know mine and she just wanted a good time. Sure I know she felt valued when she was looking down at some guys face between her legs, but the point is she was looking for love in all the wrong places.

At the very least,maybe our chicks are addicted to attention and don't mind paying for the attention.....and that currency to buy that attention is sex.

At the end of the night my old lady was finding guys she saw as having a good time with. I mean one can get attention from any Joe shmo ....why not pick one that will give you a happy ending?


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I think it might have been a combination of the two things - liking sex, and looking for attention.

I wouldn't say it was an addiction, given your description, more a need or a desire for two things that were important to her and missing. 

Given that it's not that difficult for a woman to get these two things makes it all that much easier. When something is readily available, and the person views it as a need, then it's extremely easy to fall into a habit.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ok folks...I think one can be addicted to just about anything...except paying bills and taxes.

I mean there are folks out there that are addicted to throwing up....so from were I'm sitting, sex is on of the top ten things one could get addicted to.


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## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

the guy said:


> The way I see it is not so much liking sex, but how one goes about getting the sex.


At one point,I had an issue with porn,we went to counseling,I was told I.was a sex addict and should go to bed sexaholics anonymous, "I was not given much of a choice.the counselor told me and I Quote "you could have sex every day and would not be satisfied "I came back with "We will never be able test your theory because it won't ever happen at my house,my wife Won't have sex that often"
That counseling session came to an abrupt and stormy end,I was in the doghouse for Weeks. I'm not sure that sex is an addiction, S/A for me was a waste of time,I just like sex.
Deguello 
When Death Smiles,Marines Smile Back


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## phoenix98 (Oct 16, 2015)

My ex-GF definitely showed signs of sex addiction after she quit taking her meds for BPD. She went hyper-sexual and was carrying on multiple online affairs, swapping pics with tons of guys, taking pictures of herself acting out at work, viewing a ton of porn. Within days of me moving out, she had a string of guys coming over and was consumed by acting out. Went from a pretty normal "girl next door" type to a woman I didn't even recognize. Read a book about bi-polar women and how they can go off the deep end with sex if nobody stops them. I ran away, discreetly told her family that the path she was on would lead to disease at best and getting physically hurt at worst. Then it was their problem to deal with, not mine.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Close friend of wife is highly sexual - wouldn't classify her as an addict as she's not looking to get it outside of her marriage. She and her husband just have sex all the time - they've done it in every conceivable place you can think of, and have been caught by their child a couple of times - this has forced them to put on a movie for her and head out to the car.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Close friend of wife is highly sexual - wouldn't classify her as an addict as she's not looking to get it outside of her marriage. She and her husband just have sex all the time - they've done it in every conceivable place you can think of, and have been caught by their child a couple of times - this has forced them to put on a movie for her and head out to the car.


We had the same problem, I transferred to 2nd shift, by the time I woke up in the morning, the kids were at school, and the wife was back in bed...Worked that shift for 7 years...>


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> My W has always been HD since I met her 25 yrs ago. But during a period of 3yrs (which we affectionately call the "dark ages" when we were separated/virtually divorced) from 2002 to 2004, she has said that she was totally addicted to sex.
> 
> She had several partners during that period, mostly married guys who were addicted as well. I spoke with one of them and he confirmed the arrangement. She was also drinking a lot during this period. And was dealing with some undiagnosed/untreated MH conditions.
> 
> So how common is it for ladies to be sex addicts? The stories about male sex addicts are legion (Bill Clinton, etc).



Your wife is high sex drive HD adventurous.

That's every guys dream.:grin2:

I see it as healthy and take care of her needs as your own. So hers is physical and sexual. Rock her world.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

In my signature I talk about "Appreciating" you spouse. I appreciated mine 4 times this week


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

MountainRunner said:


> Actually, the closest cluster B disorder that would actually be akin to "sex addiction" would be Histrionic.


:iagree:


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

MAJDEATH said:


> To me, addiction means a behavior that a person feels drawn to, but they also must make a decision to go forward with. Not an excuse, but an understanding of the condition. The dictionary defines it as "compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences".
> 
> My W indicated that the "rush" from sexual release is very appealing, especially for someone with BPD if left untreated. At the time, she had a part time job selling vibrators and other sex novelty items, so she had a large personal collection of toys to use. But as she indicated, it was not the same. "I wanted the social interaction, I wanted to feel a heartbeat, body to body." And quite bluntly, she said "there has been nothing invented yet than can properly simulate the feeling of a man's tongue and the response it evokes".


How is her BPD being treated?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Close friend of wife is highly sexual - wouldn't classify her as an addict as she's not looking to get it outside of her marriage. She and her husband just have sex all the time - they've done it in every conceivable place you can think of, *and have been caught by their child a couple of times *- this has forced them to put on a movie for her and head out to the car.


Wait, hasn't everyone a time or two? I didn't realize this was something unique.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Well we've only had sex twice since the kids arrived and they're now 4. Last time we had sex they stayed at a friends house.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

There was a time I wondered about being a sex addict. I was involved with something sexual and arousing during the bulk of my time awake; masturbating, having sex, or reading, writing an editing erotic/porn stories....all day every day. But there were several thing happening at the time and I believe it was a convergence of events and situations about which I sought escape through sex.

So I'm a skeptic wrt addiction to sex...for anyone male or female. What is really going on is escapist coping. Life was stressful and I escaped to cope. I think this is what most "sex addicts" are doing. Instead of dealing with and directly coping with whatever is going on, they escape through sex.

Particularly if your wife has BPD. The desire/need for intimacy but the fear of engulfment is the perfect storm for meaningless hookups. Being separated from you would have sent her into a tizzy getting her need for intimacy met.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> My W has always been HD since I met her 25 yrs ago. But during a period of 3yrs (which we affectionately call the "dark ages" when we were separated/virtually divorced) from 2002 to 2004, she has said that she was totally addicted to sex.
> 
> She had several partners during that period, mostly married guys who were addicted as well. I spoke with one of them and he confirmed the arrangement. She was also drinking a lot during this period. And was dealing with some undiagnosed/untreated MH conditions.
> 
> So how common is it for ladies to be sex addicts? The stories about male sex addicts are legion (Bill Clinton, etc).



Some ladies have high sex drives HD like most of us guys.

Doesn't make those ladies addicts. They just have a high healthy sex drive and their main love language is Physical (sexual) instead of more emotional.

A good friend of mine has a gf that is HD and he is more Average Drive, 3x week.

If she doesn't get sex with him for 3 days in a row, watch out!!!

He has complained to me about this and I told him, enjoy it while this lasts.....

She is now due with their second child any week now and still has a high sex drive.

To me, an addict is someone who can't go 24 hours without going crazy.

I wish more ladies were HD instead of LD.....most of TAM would be GONE. :grin2:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

3x a week is great!

Every day, or even 3x a day?!... not so great =/
Sore balls in throbbing pain, sore penile muscles, clear and non-orgasmic ejaculation, more pain, despite supplements to maintain potency!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I remember 3x day.....in my teens and 20's.:grin2:


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Personal said:


> You do know that "sex addiction" isn't actually an addiction at all?
> 
> Good luck finding it in the DSM.
> 
> If you think your wife and those other men couldn't help having sex together, you are mistaken.


I second this. We as a population are addicted to using the word *addiction* to rationalize away people doing bad things. Some of us must be addicted to being faithful, addicted to being responsible, addicted to taking care of our families, addicted to hold our partners accountable if they stray, addicted to accepting reality without framing it as our partner being a victim of sex addiction but instead realizing that sex addiction is a cop out.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

pidge70 said:


> How is her BPD being treated?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Medication, and learning about symptoms/reactions/triggers etc. I also learned a lot about similar disorders because our son has presented some symptoms as well.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

BPD cannot be treated with medication.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

pidge70 said:


> BPD cannot be treated with medication.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified - medicine

While there may not be a pill that cures BPD per se, there are medication regimens that effectively help reduce the effects of the symptoms across a wide range of MH disorders, both mild and more severe.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

MAJDEATH said:


> Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified - medicine
> 
> While there may not be a pill that cures BPD per se, there are medication regimens that effectively help reduce the effects of the symptoms across a wide range of MH disorders, both mild and more severe.


Yes, I know. I'm a BPD'er myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> I remember 3x day.....in my teens and 20's.:grin2:


I remember 3x a day ... was it only yesterday?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> I remember 3x a day ... was it only yesterday?



If Mrs.CuddleBug was up for sex all night, I could do 3x no problems.....:grin2:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I can't even remember my teens and 20's....lol


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Personal said:


> You do know that "sex addiction" isn't actually an addiction at all?
> 
> Good luck finding it in the DSM.
> 
> If you think your wife and those other men couldn't help having sex together, you are mistaken.


Just because it isn't in the DSM currently doesn't mean it isn't a real thing, just that it isn't in the DSM... Yet. Things like homosexuality were listed as psychological diseases but aren't now. I think I n the most recent DSM obesity was listed as a disease.

Things change.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Just because it isn't in the DSM currently doesn't mean it isn't a real thing, just that it isn't in the DSM... Yet. Things like homosexuality were listed as psychological diseases but aren't now. I think I n the most recent DSM obesity was listed as a disease.
> 
> Things change.


Your avatar is cool Dr but I digress. My guess is that sex and food are by far the most common addictions it we really look at it. That's probably the rub. So many of us LOVE food and LOVE sex but we have found ways to manage these things so they don't destroy our lives. Or we've not managed these things and have paid heavy consequences. So putting a label on it that takes away accountability of the person feels like they're cheating.


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## simplysarah (Nov 5, 2015)

I think sex addiction and porn addiction can be considering addictions. They can change your life in a negative way and cause you to change as a person both on the surface and inside.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I go back and forth on this. I think a woman can be addicted to having orgasms, but she just really likes a man who uses his natural "tools" to help her get there. Otherwise, a vibrator would do the trick. 
My fWW has stated (during the dark years) she really missed feeling "the warmth, our shared heartbeat thru the chest, feet rubbing together, passionate kissing, etc" and of course the "tongue tornado":grin2:.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Personal said:


> Twice in four years! Really? :surprise:


Yep, that's true. She's always too tired, and she could go the rest of her life without sex and be happy. On my end, my drive has gone down (partly because she doesn't want sex), so it won't get any better.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Personal said:
> 
> 
> > Twice in four years! Really?
> ...


Looks like we got to experience both ends of the spectrum. For you, twice in 4 years, for me, twice in 4 hours.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> Looks like we got to experience both ends of the spectrum. For you, twice in 4 years, for me, twice in 4 hours.


Looks that way, but I can't complain that much. We have had sex four times in the last five years - can't ask for much more than that. Why have sex when there's games to play on the computer?


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