# Such a Hard Day Today



## Incognitoisme2013 (Nov 4, 2013)

I feel like I've been doing okay, but I'm having such a hard time today. I keep crying at work and can't get anything done. I'm moving the rest of my things out this weekend. 

We got into a huge fight because he did something he promised he wouldn't do (use a credit card). We've been having ongoing money disagreements. He asked me to leave for the night and I got really mad because I thought you just don't leave, that's not what marriage is about. But, I went ahead and left and we exchanged very heated texts, and I said something like he should have just told me it was over rather than use the credit card. He said he didn't think it was over until he saw my reaction. I was very, very angry that he used the card. There was also an issue about how his teenage kid treated my stuff, which he apparently thought I was being completely unreasonable about. I even asked him if I was misunderstanding the situation about the credit card, and this was a gift from his parents that we didn't have to pay back (it was put on their credit card). But, I don't think I screamed (I did probably raise my voice), I didn't cuss at him or call him names, and I didn't throw anything or break anything. 

I left and came back two days later, and he said he needed a couple of more days. I came back in two more days. We talked a little bit, I told him I was willing to work on what I needed to work on (didn't bring up anything about what HE needed to work on), that I was extremely sorry for losing my temper, and suggested we get counseling. He replied "he's been there, done that" and isn't doing it again, which just about crushed me. So, three days later he sent me a TEXT that it was over. I again got really pissed that he sent me a freaking text and probably responded inappropriately. 

The lawyers became involved immediately (all contact through them). I am now wanting to talk to him so badly to just try and understand where he is coming from and what was it that I did that was so wrong. He didn't say he didn't love me anymore, but said he didn't want me to turn into someone he hates. I know this has, from his perspective, probably been building for a while. But that seems so unfair to me. How can you not say something? How can you say you're not happy? 

I just hate this. It's so hard when you just remember the good parts and know that its going to be over for good. It's so hard to accept sometimes. I just want the pain to quit. I want to know why this happened. I want to be a better person no matter what happens. I feel so incredibly guilty about the part I've played in having my marriage end. I know intellectually that it really does take two, but I keep telling myself if I only . . . . 

Writing this has helped me a little bit see I'm not the only one who has things that need to be worked on, but it's really hard to hold on that when you're world feels like it's ending.


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## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

I feel your pain. I am in the same boat. I too was the main reason why she left, my actions, she takes blame for not standing a firmer ground with what I did. I was codependent she was independent and the rope tightend every year from there, We are filing tomorrow, I still don't but its our of my control. I have two kids who she wants to continue to be in their lives and her family wants to see them. Ive accepted the fact its over, so im in recovery mode. Just ride your emotions, one thing that has helped is when I can I take cat naps. This gives my brain a chance to relax, sometimes I feel better when I wake up, sometimes I feel the same but at least I shutdown for a minute. Also keeping a clean house you can scrub stuff like no other, gets the tension out, exercise. like everyone on here says it takes time.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

> I left and came back two days later, and he said he needed a couple of more days. I came back in two more days. We talked a little bit, I told him I was willing to work on what I needed to work on (didn't bring up anything about what HE needed to work on), that I was extremely sorry for losing my temper, and suggested we get counseling. He replied "he's been there, done that" and isn't doing it again, which just about crushed me. So, three days later he sent me a TEXT that it was over. I again got really pissed that he sent me a freaking text and probably responded inappropriately.
> 
> The lawyers became involved immediately (all contact through them). I am now wanting to talk to him so badly to just try and understand where he is coming from and what was it that I did that was so wrong. He didn't say he didn't love me anymore, but said he didn't want me to turn into someone he hates. I know this has, from his perspective, probably been building for a while. But that seems so unfair to me. How can you not say something? How can you say you're not happy?


Wow... I was in your shoes and probably still am. But I am making great strides. I have accepted we are done. I am grieving now. 

It will get better. You will probably never get the answers you want because he probably doesn't know either. 
It is important that you go through all the emotions, that you exhaust every possible outcome without being a stalker haha. 

Be good to yourself and healing will arrive. 
We all are here for you.
Hugs


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