# Men's body type preference



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

This isn't a get back at the boys for picking apart our bodies thread but I am curious.
A lot of the advice to men to be more sexually attractive is to go to the gym, get fit. 
I don't know if that's a really good chart but I couldn't find much else. 

My H goes between "fit" and "builtfat(?)" depending on his activity level with his job and whatnot. I am visually attracted to both but builtfat is a little more comfy to snuggle on. I have a little more padding in my shoulder nook. 

6 pack abs have never really been my thing. H has huge shoulders to the point where he needs XL-XXL shirts just to fit them and then kind of goes into a triangle after that. Sometimes he can have a bit of a belly but I don't care, I like shoulders as much as he likes butts so we're good.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> This isn't a get back at the boys for picking apart our bodies thread but I am curious.
> A lot of the advice to men to be more sexually attractive is to go to the gym, get fit.
> I don't know if that's a really good chart but I couldn't find much else.
> 
> ...


The athletic guy is so freaking hot. OMG >


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

I like Builtfat the best. Most of the guys I dated were a bit overweight including my husband. Being with a bigger man makes me feel smaller and more protected. I think it's because I'm a bit curvy myself.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I think there is a lot of room in that chart between chubby and fat. They should have a least one in between 

I actually don't like athletic guy. I don't know why I always look at those 6 pack ab guys like frat boys, gym rats, d-bags. Just mind association I guess- I know you guys aren't that . But I'd take chubby over the athletic guy any day. Even when H is fit he gets it in his shoulders and not his stomach. 

And yes happilymarried, ITA. I don't want to be with a guy who I am bigger than, it would just feel weird. I like being little and cozy all snugged up.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

peacem said:


> The only one that does it for me is builtfat and it does resemble my H's body shape. I don't like skinny and I don't like overly muscular types, a little muscle is fine, too much muscle I find threatening. Overly fat is not nice to me but a bit of a dad bod is nice and comforting. So built fat is probably my preference.


Ah yes, a nice Jason Segal body is lovely.
Makes me feel too that I don't have to worry so much. Me and a gym guy wouldn't get along well because if he cares too much about HIS body then likely he will care too much about mine. 

Also the first one of this pic I tried to attached I luckily caught that it was a gif of him dropping the towel before I did. :surprise:


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Hmmm... I don't really see my "type" on your chart .

My preference is big (but not fat) and muscular -- more of the Strongman or Power Lifter type. My SO, who is a competitor, is built pretty much like this guy. In the off-season I suppose he leans more toward the "Strongfat" guy in your picture, but with better definition. I'm well aware that this is NOT a lot of women's preference, but it sure is mine.










Great thread!


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I think there is a lot of room in that chart between chubby and fat. They should have a least one in between
> 
> I actually don't like athletic guy. I don't know why I always look at those 6 pack ab guys like frat boys, gym rats, d-bags. Just mind association I guess- I know you guys aren't that . But I'd take chubby over the athletic guy any day. Even when H is fit he gets it in his shoulders and not his stomach.
> 
> And yes happilymarried, ITA. I don't want to be with a guy who I am bigger than, it would just feel weird. I like being little and cozy all snugged up.


I'd take athletic guy and teach him manners. 0


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Ah yes, a nice Jason Segal body is lovely.
> Makes me feel too that I don't have to worry so much. Me and a gym guy wouldn't get along well because if he cares too much about HIS body then likely he will care too much about mine.
> 
> Also the first one of this pic I tried to attached I luckily caught that it was a gif of him dropping the towel before I did. :surprise:


That guys body doesn't do anything for me. I like really broad shoulders and a strong manly presence. That guy looks a little too feminine for me.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Hmmm... I don't really see my "type" on your chart .
> 
> My preference is big (but not fat) and muscular -- more of the Strongman or Power Lifter type. My SO, who is a competitor, is built pretty much like this guy. In the off-season I suppose he leans more toward the "Strongfat" guy in your picture, but with better definition.
> 
> ...


That strong man picture also does nothing for me. He's too fat and stocky for my taste.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Heatherknows said:


> That strong man picture also does nothing for me. He's too fat and stocky for my taste.


OK here is the perfect male face and body:

ipernity: Stanley Kowalski #5 - Marlon Brando in the 1951 movie "A Streetcar Named Desire" - by Miss Magnolia Thunder*****


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Fit and athletic are yummy, I also like toned.
The other body types do nothing for me.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Heatherknows said:


> OK here is the perfect male face and body:


I like your Marlon Brando picture much better than THIS one :


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> I like your Marlon Brando picture much better than THIS one:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yep. Even the great ones get old and fat. That's why I try not to get too attached to my looks. One day they be gone for good. :surprise:


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Heatherknows said:


> That guys body doesn't do anything for me. I like really broad shoulders and a strong manly presence. That guy looks a little too feminine for me.


H has a Ron Perlman kind of thing with the big shoulders and huge hammer-like hands and square-ish jawline. It is manly but at times can be intimidating as well. He looks mean and tough sometimes when he's not trying to. Sometimes he'll come at me trying to be sweet and intimate and I have to tell him he looks like he's about to murder me.

When he's got a bit more fluff he feels more welcoming and less threatening. 
I would feel comfort by the JS body type because it's more welcoming, less 'I could kill you right now with my bare hands'

Actually that made me think of another thing- hands. If you have pretty, soft hands I am not attracted to you. I don't know why I care but every now and then I will see a guy who is fairly good looking but his hands are girly and it just kills it for me. I want hands that look like they've been outside working all day, not office hands.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I like the strong fat body the best. That's the body type that screams MAN to me. The rest are either under developed or show a bit too much attention to vanity. The strong fat kind of body says this man looks like a man because he does man things, not because he spends hours at the gym every day.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Hmm, my hubby sits between toned and fit depending on how much he's been lifting. 

I think he's hot. 

But I think any of the low to medium fat ones are attractive. 

Except anorexic and skinny fat..... those are extremely unattractive. 

My general rule is no obese guys and it should take me more than one hit to knock you out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> H has a Ron Perlman kind of thing with the big shoulders and huge hammer-like hands and square-ish jawline.


Yummy!!!! Lucky girl :laugh:

Here is another fave:

http://giphy.com/gifs/CkbwgIbDqcPBu


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I tend to like the built/fat or the chubby but not the fat, and certainly not the skinny. I'm not sure why I'm not a fan of the super toned/athletic type. I never have been. I like some muscle on my men but I like a little fat, too. That "cut" appearance just doesn't do it for me. I guess it's more about how they FEEL to me.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Well great...now I'm getting a complex. Tiggy's the only one who thinks I'm pretty, and I guess lifeistooshort too


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> Well great...now I'm getting a complex. Tiggy's the only one who thinks I'm pretty, and I guess lifeistooshort too


OK post a shirtless picture and I'll let ya know what I think. >


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> The strong fat kind of body says this man looks like a man because he does man things, not because he spends hours at the gym every day.


ITA! That's where the gym fit guys kind of get killed in my head. 
I think that's why I've always been attracted to labour worker guys. Rough hands, manly body. They come home sweaty and dirty like they've done manly things all day.
H has a less labour intensive job now which has added the extra padding but it's on top of a good build so it looks hot. If he added the same amount of weight on a smaller frame it wouldn't be as attractive. 

That part just above the pelvis where you have some V-shaped definition is ridiculously hot as well. I have had to tell H that he is not allowed to just walk around shirtless in his tighter pairs of boxer briefs when I am upset with him. I get all distracted and lose my train of thought :wink2:
I end up like this girl. 
"Damn you look fiiiine.... wait, what was I mad about?"

* I have quite a collection of half naked men pics now, including a gif of Jason Segal's penis.*


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Heatherknows said:


> That strong man picture also does nothing for me. He's too fat and stocky for my taste.


Fat lol??? Pretty sure that is Mariusz Pudzianowski, one of the few Strongman competitors who is actually not fat, probably as low as 10-14% bodyfat


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Fat lol??? Pretty sure that is Mariusz Pudzianowski, one of the few Strongman competitors who is actually not fat, probably as low as 10-14% bodyfat


Exactly! He's super low in fat.

Maybe "thick" is more descriptive?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Actually that made me think of another thing- hands. If you have pretty, soft hands I am not attracted to you. I don't know why I care but every now and then I will see a guy who is fairly good looking *but his hands are girly and it just kills it for me.* I want hands that look like they've been outside working all day, not office hands.


:iagree:

Big, strong hands are a must! I really have a thing for men's hands, and they pretty much have to dwarf mine or it's a real turn-off.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> Fat lol??? Pretty sure that is Mariusz Pudzianowski, one of the few Strongman competitors who is actually not fat, probably as low as 10-14% bodyfat


To me he looks fat. Don't care what the judges think. I see fat.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Big, strong hands are a must! I really have a thing for men's hands, and they pretty much have to dwarf mine or it's a real turn-off.


Hands are sooooooooooo important. Nice big hands with long fingers and...

(Awesome thread.)


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Heatherknows said:


> That strong man picture also does nothing for me. He's too fat and stocky for my taste.


Dumb question, how is he fat?

If I had to guess, he's probably in the vicinity of 4 to 6 % body fat. You don't get abs like that until you hit 6% body fat


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Actually that made me think of another thing- hands. If you have pretty, soft hands I am not attracted to you. I don't know why I care but every now and then I will see a guy who is fairly good looking but his hands are girly and it just kills it for me. I want hands that look like they've been outside working all day, not office hands.


I agree. Men's hands can be very sexy.

As far as body type, except for skinny and fat, and short, I guess, I am not sure I care too much. Mostly I am attracted to the mind and heart.


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

Ok...so maybe I'm a weirdo, but none of those pics do anything for me. I need to see face, hands, and neck...not just the bod! Oh....necks!!! Yummy! And nice, big hands.....sigh...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I.m trying to find out how much muscle the "fat" guy has! That designated "?" mark makes it very mysterious and sparks my curiosity!!! Perhaps he is a wimp and I can push him over easily, or maybe he is stronger than any of the others like a freaking sumo wrestler jacked up on mountain dew and will squash anyone like a bug. 

So *mysterious* that fat guy is!!!

Ladies, I bet he is stuck in your head now!!!

>

Badsanta!


PS: All my friends tell me I should work in advertising!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Heatherknows said:


> OK post a shirtless picture and I'll let ya know what I think. >


My wife is a little possessive when it comes to that. It's kind of funny because she struggles with giving any kind of overt validation to me, yet has no problems when it comes to other men who are virtually identical body wise. In trying to get to the root of that, I have suggested going to the gym, running, getting back into martial arts, and she has shut those ideas down, and flat out admits that she is not comfortable with me getting even more outside attention than I already do, that I am of course free to do what ever I want, but to just understand that I would be feeding her already existing insecurities.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

THIS IS THE MOST SHALLOW POST I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED ON THIS SITE!!! And posted by a WOMAN??!!! I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED...Now I'm going WAYWARD! F it! DUDE


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Dude007 said:


> THIS IS THE MOST SHALLOW POST I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED ON THIS SITE!!! And posted by a WOMAN??!!! I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED...Now I'm going WAYWARD! F it! DUDE


Even more shallow than the hot movie star one? Girls will be girls


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

snerg said:


> Dumb question, how is he fat?
> 
> If I had to guess, he's probably in the vicinity of 4 to 6 % body fat. You don't get abs like that until you hit 6% body fat


In my eyes his pec's look like boobs and he also looks like he has "love handles."


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> My wife is a little possessive when it comes to that. It's kind of funny because she struggles with giving any kind of overt validation to me, yet has no problems when it comes to other men who are virtually identical body wise. In trying to get to the root of that, I have suggested going to the gym, running, getting back into martial arts, and she has shut those ideas down, and flat out admits that she is not comfortable with me getting even more outside attention than I already do, that I am of course free to do what ever I want, but to just understand that I would be feeding her already existing insecurities.


Awww:frown2:

hmmm....ask her and maybe she'll let ya >


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> My wife is a little possessive when it comes to that. It's kind of funny because she struggles with giving any kind of overt validation to me, yet has no problems when it comes to other men who are virtually identical body wise. In trying to get to the root of that, I have suggested going to the gym, running, getting back into martial arts, and she has shut those ideas down, and flat out admits that she is not comfortable with me getting even more outside attention than I already do, that I am of course free to do what ever I want, but to just understand that I would be feeding her already existing insecurities.


I used to feel I had to be careful not to pump up H too much because it would make him even more attractive to others, maybe even leave me because he was too hot for me. He already gets a lot of attention from other people now he's going around thinking he's all hot.... 

I found though that pumping him up only made him happier with ME and didn't change a thing about how he felt about or wanted other people. 
Hopefully she will get that too someday.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I used to feel I had to be careful not to pump up H too much because it would make him even more attractive to others, maybe even leave me because he was too hot for me. He already gets a lot of attention from other people now he's going around thinking he's all hot....
> 
> I found though that pumping him up only made him happier with ME and didn't change a thing about how he felt about or wanted other people.
> Hopefully she will get that too someday.


...OK so post a shirtless pic of your husband just so we can have a reference...y'know

0

>


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

When my W says I look sexy and what have you I become much more loyal. When other women give me "the look", I feel icky and turn away. I guess I'm not a natural wayward and I've never been insecure. I will say though being over secure can be just as (unhealthy)dangerous. DUDE


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I used to feel I had to be careful not to pump up H too much because it would make him even more attractive to others, maybe even leave me because he was too hot for me. He already gets a lot of attention from other people now he's going around thinking he's all hot....
> 
> I found though that pumping him up only made him happier with ME and didn't change a thing about how he felt about or wanted other people.
> Hopefully she will get that too someday.


How did you get to that point? How did you learn that, figure it out?

There was one particular incident at work that I'm not sure I will ever forget. It was in the summer, and I was in the break room getting coffee. I was wearing jeans and a tshirt, and one of the women in there asked me if I could change the water on the water cooler, and as soon as I was done, she said that she could sit there and watch me do that all day long. I was outwardly graceful, but inside...I was far from flattered or feeling a boosted ego. I felt resentment towards my wife.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I'm trying to figure out if I see my body type on that scale. Oh never mind, these are young men and I'm old.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> How did you get to that point? How did you learn that, figure it out?
> 
> 
> 
> There was one particular incident at work that I'm not sure I will ever forget. It was in the summer, and I was in the break room getting coffee. I was wearing jeans and a tshirt, and one of the women in there asked me if I could change the water on the water cooler, and as soon as I was done, she said that she could sit there and watch me do that all day long. I was outwardly graceful, but inside...I was far from flattered or feeling a boosted ego. I felt resentment towards my wife.



Now on that, I know EXACTLY how you feel.


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

My wife tends to like toned, which is what I was when we first met. Then I went to gradschool and put on weight. But I started working out and have gone from builtfat to more fit-toned. She seems more revved up as a result. I feel so objectified.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> How did you get to that point? How did you learn that, figure it out?
> 
> There was one particular incident at work that I'm not sure I will ever forget. It was in the summer, and I was in the break room getting coffee. I was wearing jeans and a tshirt, and one of the women in there asked me if I could change the water on the water cooler, and as soon as I was done, she said that she could sit there and watch me do that all day long. I was outwardly graceful, but inside...I was far from flattered or feeling a boosted ego. I felt resentment towards my wife.


I'm trying to remember when I started specifically but I think it was he had started getting worried about looking older, some grey hair and a little more soft edges. I was stunned because it's just making him better. That's kind of how I realized that hey, he needs appearance compliments too and the more I did it the happier he was so now they are just natural.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

My wife grabbed me yesterday and called me her "sexy, muscley man"...I'll take it.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Good and interesting thread. 

My wife's preference is what is listed as "skinny" to "toned".


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> How did you get to that point? How did you learn that, figure it out?
> 
> There was one particular incident at work that I'm not sure I will ever forget. It was in the summer, and I was in the break room getting coffee. I was wearing jeans and a tshirt, and one of the women in there asked me if I could change the water on the water cooler, and as soon as I was done, she said that she could sit there and watch me do that all day long. I was outwardly graceful, but inside...I was far from flattered or feeling a boosted ego. *I felt resentment towards my wife.*


I used to feel the same way when other men complimented me. So I just started informing my husband of each and every incident and if he had anything to say about it I would simply remind him that he doesn't compliment me because he doesn't know what to say so he might learn from other men how to compliment me.

F that Sam! If your wife is so jealous yet silent on her attraction to you she has to know this is a resentment issue that can't go unaddressed! Suck it up sweetheart and figure it out! Her husband isn't like the dip sh!ts she's used to so she better not bring that baggage into the new house!

Same for you @WorkingOnMe. Either your wives don't know men need that validation too, or they're too wrapped up in their own insecurities and that just doesn't fly!


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> Same for you @WorkingOnMe. Either your wives don't know men need that validation too, or they're too wrapped up in their own insecurities and that just doesn't fly!


I agree and I think it was a bit of both for me
I knew men liked compliments on how hard they worked or good job fixing the car thing but looks, body? I stupidly didn't realize it was important. 
I knew that I needed that just didn't put 2 and 2 together that he would to. 

Now sometimes when I tell H how ridiculously good looking he is he'll roll his eyes and me and say "Oh, stop" but I can see the corners of his mouth turn up a bit and his eyes twinkle just a little. It's needed even if they would never say it.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Too much talking not enough pictures....

:surprise:


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

H falls under the fit category between November and March. H works his way into Athletic between April and October - obstacle course race and flag football season.

However, as much as I like h's body (which I totally appreciate for all of the hard work he puts into it), I do have a special place in my heart for Built and Fat Built guys  Love me some big muscles on a man. 

Here's one that some might find interesting....my gym is made up of primarily 30s - mid 50s men and women with some mid 20's guys sprinkled in for flavor. The guys with the BEST bodies are hands down those in their 40s. Not sure why that is but they appear better proportioned. Not body builder figures but still muscular.

ETA: SGC, my H also looks like he's angry all of the time. Doesn't smile much and when serious, looks like he's about to kick someone's a$$. LOL


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Heatherknows said:


> Too much talking not enough pictures....
> 
> :surprise:


I tried looking for more pics but I searched "hot guy body pics" and get a bunch of those flexing in front of a mirror for a selfie pics which reminded me that is also not attractive to me. No braggy selfies. 

But since face is important, I also remembered I like stubble. Not a beard, I actually hate the lumberjack look but I like when it's just long enough to not be prickly but not too long. 

I didn't realize how picky I was :laugh:
This guy is handsome and reminds me a little of my H in the lower half of his face.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I agree and I think it was a bit of both for me
> *I knew men liked compliments on how hard they worked or good job fixing the car thing but looks, body? I stupidly didn't realize it was important. *
> I knew that I needed that just didn't put 2 and 2 together that he would to.
> 
> Now sometimes when I tell H how ridiculously good looking he is he'll roll his eyes and me and say "Oh, stop" but I can see the corners of his mouth turn up a bit and his eyes twinkle just a little. It's needed even if they would never say it.


I tend to be a very objective person in that I can look at the tangible results of things I do, and it is nice that it is recognized, but the results speak for them selves.

When it comes to attraction, that is completely subjective. Just look at these threads...the wide variety of personal preferences. Sure, there are some commonly almost universally attractive things, but when it comes to any particular individual, the only thing that matters is what they find attractive.

Applying that to my wife, I objectively know that many women do find me physically attractive, and this thread confirms that not many women would throw me out of bed. The thing is, I don't really care what all y'all think...the only opinion that matters to me is my wife's.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Have a hard time finding Mr. IMFAR in that lineup. All the "mature" men look fat. Mr. IMFAR is fit and tall with broad XXL shoulders. I love his triangle shape!

He has just enough manly hair, right where it should be, and doesn't shave it off. Looking at those pics of hairless boys, I feel icky, like I'm doing something wrong by looking at adolescents.

Bulging muscles are not really attractive to me because I imagine all the hours they have spent in the gym. I love a man who gets his muscles on the job, or working with his hands doing manly things around the property.

Bulging pecs look like breasts. Huge legs and arms look like fat. I find it unattractive when I see a man with so much muscle his arms can't hang straight down, and he has to walk with his legs far apart because of his muscular legs. Can't help but stereotype in my brain, "vain, misplaced ego, dumb."

I'm attracted to Mr. IMFAR's mind and heart as much as I'm attracted to his body.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> So I just started informing my husband of each and every incident and if he had anything to say about it I would simply remind him that he doesn't compliment me because he doesn't know what to say so he might learn from other men how to compliment me.


Dread game. >


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> I tend to be a very objective person in that I can look at the tangible results of things I do, and it is nice that it is recognized, but the results speak for them selves.
> 
> When it comes to attraction, that is completely subjective. Just look at these threads...the wide variety of personal preferences. Sure, there are some commonly almost universally attractive things, but when it comes to any particular individual, the only thing that matters is what they find attractive.
> 
> Applying that to my wife, I objectively know that many women do find me physically attractive, and this thread confirms that not many women would throw me out of bed. The thing is, I don't really care what all y'all think...the only opinion that matters to me is my wife's.


Yep, I can relate and it would be the same as me only getting compliments on how I cooked dinner or how clean the house was. Sometimes you just need to hear that you are sexy and your spouse thinks you're hot. 
So maybe there is a little bit of that not knowing mixed in with your wife's fear too, and I understand the fear part. You've been with women she feels was "hotter" than her, she doesn't want to lose you, maybe she feels not good enough for you? I don't know how that translates to "don't build them up too much because they will get too big and leave you" but I can't deny it was there. When the reality is you're making them vulnerable for someone else to build up if you aren't. 

And yes, I also don't care if my body type is the universally liked one. Knowing that H specifically likes certain parts of my look and body is so important to feeling good.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Here is the deal, if you are a dude(or lady) with looks, confidence, intellect, and you are fit, you might be ALONE..It seems no one wants to be with the person who has the total package because they can't sleep at night. This is how wife explains her insomnia issues to me at least. DUDE


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

I'm in the toned-athletic category, depending on how much I'm working out at the moment. Idk if wife cares what category I would be in. I stay that way for myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Dude007 said:


> Here is the deal, if you are a dude(or lady) with looks, confidence, intellect, and you are fit, you might be ALONE..It seems no one wants to be with the person who has the total package because they can't sleep at night. This is how wife explains her insomnia issues to me at least. DUDE



I guess this is why I'm *not* alone


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Ikaika said:


> I guess this is why I'm *not* alone


C'mon man!! maybe you are only missing one attribute? DUDE


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I tried looking for more pics but I searched "hot guy body pics" and get a bunch of those flexing in front of a mirror for a selfie pics which reminded me that is also not attractive to me. No braggy selfies.
> 
> But since face is important, I also remembered I like stubble. Not a beard, I actually hate the lumberjack look but I like when it's just long enough to not be prickly but not too long.
> 
> ...


I think that actor is now on "The Good Wife."

This guy IMO is perfect:

http://cdn.24.co.za/files/Cms/General/d/468/07439675c1b94439ab07784ae7558f8b.jpg

(And if my husband worked out a little and lost five pounds he'd look close.)


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Dread game. >


It totally worked! He compliments me frequently now and he's getting pretty good at it too!


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Talking about hands, nothing worse than a chick with man hands ... reminds me of this Seinfeld episode ...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I was "built" for a very long time but since I turned 40+, I am now "athletic" because I feel older, not as energetic and my drive to weight train is more maintenance now.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> I was "built" for a very long time but since I turned 40+, I am now "athletic" because I feel older, not as energetic and my drive to weight train is more maintenance now.



I just made 55, you have some catching up to do. But, then again I'm old and these threads are about those under the age of 50.


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## optimalprimus (Feb 4, 2015)

My wifes perfect body is basically david beckham minus the tattoos. I look vaguely similar but in the last 6 months have put on a bit of fatost some muscle. Bloody baby!


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Ikaika said:


> I just made 55, you have some catching up to do. But, then again I'm old and these threads are about those under the age of 50.


I'm 47 so I feel old too. :crying:

But my dog thinks I'm a puppy so there's that. :grin2:


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

I'm TOO DAMN HOT FOR THIS THREAD...Sorry...DUDE


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Dude007 said:


> I'm TOO DAMN HOT FOR THIS THREAD...Sorry...DUDE



Polar opposite.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> It totally worked! He compliments me frequently now and he's getting pretty good at it too!


I have plenty of dread game ammunition I could throw, but I would have a hard time bringing myself to do that...the whole ends not justifying the means thing. And then the whole dread game is horrible awful PUA red pill stuff...except when it isn't.

I do wonder which would be worse...feeling the resentment when I get outside attention, or moving past the resentment because I have embraced the attention.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> I have plenty of dread game ammunition I could throw, but I would have a hard time bringing myself to do that...the whole ends not justifying the means thing. And then the whole dread game is horrible awful PUA red pill stuff...except when it isn't.
> 
> I do wonder which would be worse...feeling the resentment when I get outside attention, or moving past the resentment because I have embraced the attention.


I like attention too and that gets me in trouble. I was very tempted to post my bathing suit shot on Badsanta's thread but then I'd have to tell my husband that I did it and he'd be angry. So I think of it this way: the attention will last moments but my husband will be angry for a long time. Plus, the attention will be a nice ego boost but then again someone might say something nasty. In the end...it's all a bunch of nothing.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Sam, do you look like Josh Holloway?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Sam, do you look like Josh Holloway?


I had to google who that is  My avatar is a pic of my wife and I, and I can see a resemblence. Body wise, I have marginally less upper bulk, with a bit more abdominal definition.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'm just gonna leave this here...


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> I'm just gonna leave this here...


Fozzy killed the thread.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)




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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I would not want to see the back of that outfit. I looks like it's just cupping and not going around to the other side but then how would it stay on. I've looked at it too much to try to figure it out and now it's burned into my mind


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

jld said:


> I agree. Men's hands can be very sexy.
> 
> As far as body type, except for skinny and fat, and short, I guess, I am not sure I care too much. Mostly I am attracted to the mind and heart.


C'mon gf, the French accent doesn't affect you at all?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> C'mon gf, the French accent doesn't affect you at all?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Yes, there is that!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Well great...now I'm getting a complex. Tiggy's the only one who thinks I'm pretty, and I guess lifeistooshort too


As long as you could put up a fight in the ring with me 

I'm small but I have some fighting skills.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

jld said:


> Yes, there is that!


Vices and accents can be really sexy. My hb has a very deep phone sex type voice.....it is very sexy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Vices and accents can be really sexy. My hb has a very deep phone sex type voice.....it is very sexy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I believe it! 

Have your girlfriends ever commented on it?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

jld said:


> I believe it!
> 
> Have your girlfriends ever commented on it?


Yes. One told time we were in the elevator of a hotel and I'd had a little too much to drink when 4 old ladies got on and proceeded to go on about what a deep voice he had and how he must sing in the church choir.

I looked at them and said "yeah, I've told him he could've had a career as a phone sex operator". They got quite embarrassed and started commenting on how that was too much information, but seriously. .... if you're going to flirt with my hb right in front of me you're going to take what I have to say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Ikaika said:


> I just made 55, you have some catching up to do. But, then again I'm old and these threads are about those under the age of 50.



I feel like I'm 100 sometimes.:grin2:

In my teens, 20's and 30's, I could weight train until 11pm, go to bed and up for work by 5am, five times each week.

When going from 39 to 40, that was my big change. I no longer have the energy I used to have, I weight train only for maintenance now, lost 15 lbs, so I'm 215 to 220 lbs at 6ft 2. Still very strong and I'm athletic now, just not as big as I was a few years ago. And I honestly don't care anymore. I never would of saw this coming today.

Then I read that 40 is the turning point when we really start to age. Our best years 0 - 39 ish. 40+ its downhill.....lol:grin2:

I'm 42 but still feel like 100 at times now.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Yikes, didn't realize there were so many old farts in this thread, shouldn't you guys be asleep already???


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> Yikes, didn't realize there were so many old farts in this thread, shouldn't you guys be asleep already???


Actually I am kinda tired. But I'm scared to go to bed. I might have a nightmare about Borat.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> I have plenty of dread game ammunition I could throw, but I would have a hard time bringing myself to do that...the whole ends not justifying the means thing. And then the whole dread game is horrible awful PUA red pill stuff...except when it isn't.
> 
> I do wonder which would be worse...feeling the resentment when I get outside attention, or moving past the resentment because I have embraced the attention.


But I wasn't gaming him. This had been an issue for some time and there was zero progress, a million excuses why it was not happening. I didn't make anything up and I didn't go out looking for it. I just told him when it happened. 

I still do! Came home from Home Depot a while ago and told him I was going to hang out there whenever I felt old. He laughed because now he gets it!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@EllisReading,

That is the cutest gif EVER!!!


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> I'm just gonna leave this here...


LOL. That is....I don't even know what to say...I wish I could unsee this.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> But I wasn't gaming him. This had been an issue for some time and there was zero progress, a million excuses why it was not happening. I didn't make anything up and I didn't go out looking for it. I just told him when it happened.
> 
> I still do! Came home from Home Depot a while ago and told him I was going to hang out there whenever I felt old. He laughed because now he gets it!


No doubt everything you said was true, but the game part comes from the motivation...telling him about the attention from other men for the sole purpose of eliciting specific behavior in him. The shot across the bow that if he didn't meet that need, there were others who could, would, and do. That if you're not getting it at home, you can and will get it else where.

Believe me, I have given a lot of thought to using this strategy...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I like to think of it as the pink pill.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> No doubt everything you said was true, but the game part comes from the motivation...telling him about the attention from other men for the sole purpose of eliciting specific behavior in him. The shot across the bow that if he didn't meet that need, there were others who could, would, and do. That if you're not getting it at home, you can and will get it else where.
> 
> Believe me, I have given a lot of thought to using this strategy...


I think you should sam, but you should be honest about why you are doing it. You have had the conversations with her where you have expressly asked that she compliment you more, since she has no problem doing so about other men. That hasn't seemed to work or at least, you still feel resentment about it so she hasn't corrected it enough yet.

So this plan, if you could do it in a light hearted and loving way, could possibly work. Your goal simply being that you want to hear the compliments, not punish her. Hearing that other women have complimented or hit on you is not a punishment, it is a reality that is already happening that she isn't aware of. Making her aware of it will help you meet your goal possibly.

For instance, you come home and tell her the story about moving the water and what the co-worker said. You chuckle about it like it was cute, and that's all you say. She will either chuckle also and laugh it off, or say something like "hey, don't be telling me sh*t like that" or "don't be letting other women compliment you". Depending on how she responds, you could then say "honey actually, I said it on purpose because I still would really like to hear more compliments from YOU and I thought maybe if you heard about other women doing it, you would do it more". Then proceed with however the conversation turns. And then just keep up with telling her every so often when it happens. If she steps up and compliments you more, then stop telling her these things. It is worth a shot.

My husband got me to compliment him as much as he compliments me by simply telling me he wants to hear it. And by making random comments in the course of conversation (never meant to push my nose in it, these things came up naturally) about how over the years he has loved his own body and others have, too. He has become accustomed to hearing genuine compliments and wanted me to give them as well, so he told me that straight up early in our relationship. It did not take me too long to get on board, because 1. I really felt the things I said and 2. I definitely don't want to be his only partner who did NOT compliment him so well/often and 3. he sincerely appreciates the compliments and is not weird about it at all, he is simply graciously confident.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

I don't think I have a preference, as personality and confidence are more important to me.

I am not attracted to the skinny ones or the really big ones. I am not a fan of super big beefy muscles. I think the athletic guy about tops it for me for muscles - they are lean. 

I find all the other ones to be attractive.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Ikaika said:


> I just made 55, you have some catching up to do. But, then again I'm old and these threads are about those under the age of 50.


Pfft...Speak for yourself. I'm gonna be 56 in 4 months.  *grin*


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I don't like skinny, fat or overly muscular. I don't mind what height as long as he is in proportion, long body with short legs no way, same with short body and long legs.

I very much like broad shoulders, strong arms and legs of steel.

Oh and he MUST have man hands.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> Came home from Home Depot a while ago and told him I was going to hang out there whenever I felt old. He laughed because now he gets it!


Go to Home Depot or Lowes in a dress and you'll think you're a supermodel. 

>

:x


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> No doubt everything you said was true, but the game part comes from the motivation...telling him about the attention from other men for the sole purpose of eliciting specific behavior in him. The shot across the bow that if he didn't meet that need, there were others who could, would, and do. That if you're not getting it at home, you can and will get it else where.
> 
> Believe me, I have given a lot of thought to using this strategy...


Careful...*very* careful with that game plan. You might get more than you expected.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> So this plan, if you could do it in a light hearted and loving way, could possibly work. Your goal simply being that you want to hear the compliments, not punish her.


If you read his quotes he's angry and he's looking to make her jealous. Here is how I see it going: 

1. He decides to flirt with someone to get wife to complement him. 
2. Girl responds and tells him what he craves to hear. Fills his needs.
3. Brain chemistry goes wild...
4. Big fat mess. :surprise:


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Heatherknows said:


> Go to Home Depot or Lowes in a dress and you'll think you're a supermodel.
> 
> >
> 
> :x


I always get the feeling in Home Depot that they're all thinking "Gasp! A female. In our space. The nerve!" Which now that I look at it written down sounds more like something a woman would say. But you get the picture.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Heatherknows said:


> Careful...*very* careful with that game plan. You might get more than you expected.


I can attest to that. Very dangerous game.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I can actually see that backfiring on @samyeagar wife if I put myself in her shoes. 

If it's just a simple problem that she doesn't understand he needs those kind of compliments it could wake up her.

If it's a fear that stems from thinking he will leave her for "better" or hotter, if she starts to feel threatened it could have the opposite response. She gets worse.
The main problem with this fear is that it's irrational, totally her own problem and ends up actually creating what she was scared of in the first place!

I wish I could talk to her and tell her that I've been there. Here I am with this crazy hot guy who could have - and has had - plenty of crazy hot women and he's with... me? Somewhere in the irrational parts of the brain you think that if he realizes just how good looking he really is, he'll feel the same. Why am I with her when I could get that or that? And you're just not confident enough in yourself to feel like you'd be picked if he had all those choices. 

I don't even know how to fix it but I can say that it was a positive cycle as soon as I started with the compliments. He was happier with me and I started feeling like wow, he could have a crazy hot girl and he picks me. I must be awesome () so I felt more confident and it was easier. 

But I think that focusing on building up her self esteem first will have a negative impact on the resentment that you already have. 

She's going to have to make the first move here and I don't think it would take much before she starts seeing the positive results and it becomes just natural.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I don't even know how to fix it but I can say that it was a positive cycle as soon as I started with the compliments. He was happier with me and I started feeling like wow, he could have a crazy hot girl and he picks me. I must be awesome () so I felt more confident and it was easier.
> 
> But I think that focusing on building up her self esteem first will have a negative impact on the resentment that you already have.


Here is where the hot or not hot debate comes in and I think everyone loses. 

Everyone on this thread is middle aged and may look fantastic but that isn't going to last. People get older and less hotter. It's a fact. And I'm speaking from the heart not trying to judge anyone but trying to figure stuff out myself. 

I got into my cyber affairs because of my overly obsessed attachment to my looks. It has always been my "go to" card. And still at age 47 I can walk into a room and grab a lot of attention. But so what? If we are so dependent upon our spouses and society giving us compliments on our shell then how are we going to adjust when that shell isn't so wonderful. A better question might be "Why is it so important that people tell me I'm hot?"


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Heatherknows said:


> Here is where the hot or not hot debate comes in and I think everyone loses.
> 
> Everyone on this thread is middle aged and may look fantastic but that isn't going to last. People get older and less hotter. It's a fact. And I'm speaking from the heart not trying to judge anyone but trying to figure stuff out myself.
> 
> I got into my cyber affairs because of my overly obsessed attachment to my looks. It has always been my "go to" card. And still at age 47 I can walk into a room and grab a lot of attention. But so what? If we are so dependent upon our spouses and society giving us compliments on our shell then how are we going to adjust when that shell isn't so wonderful. A better question might be "Why is it so important that people tell me I'm hot?"


Wow...You sound like my female counterpart Heather. I don't mean that in a bad way, other than I understand. I can completely understand where you are coming from.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Heatherknows said:


> Here is where the hot or not hot debate comes in and I think everyone loses.
> 
> Everyone on this thread is middle aged and may look fantastic but that isn't going to last. People get older and less hotter. It's a fact. And I'm speaking from the heart not trying to judge anyone but trying to figure stuff out myself.
> 
> I got into my cyber affairs because of my overly obsessed attachment to my looks. It has always been my "go to" card. And still at age 47 I can walk into a room and grab a lot of attention. But so what? If we are so dependent upon our spouses and society giving us compliments on our shell then how are we going to adjust when that shell isn't so wonderful. *A better question might be "Why is it so important that people tell me I'm hot?"*


Because unfortunately this is the only affirmation a lot of people ever get.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> Because unfortunately this is the only affirmation a lot of people ever get.


I don't know about that.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Heatherknows said:


> Go to Home Depot or Lowes in a dress and you'll think you're a supermodel.
> 
> >
> 
> :x


IDK, I didn't quite get the reaction I expected ...


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> IDK, I didn't quite get the reaction I expected ...


...I don't get it???


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Heatherknows said:


> ...I don't get it???


The guys at Home Depot and Lowes didn't quite seem to appreciate me in a dress ... except for this one guy ... :slap:


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> The guys at Home Depot and Lowes didn't quite seem to appreciate me in a dress ... except for this one guy ... :slap:


I see...

:grin2:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Heatherknows said:


> If you read his quotes he's angry and he's looking to make her jealous. Here is how I see it going:
> 
> 1. He decides to flirt with someone to get wife to complement him.
> 2. Girl responds and tells him what he craves to hear. Fills his needs.
> ...


I didn't suggest he flirt with anyone else, and I know he wouldn't. He loves his wife and doesn't actually care about attention from others. But he does get attention from others regardless.

I suggested he do what Anon Pink has done, in pretty much the same manner, only with more openness about his goal. Not to flirt but just to report what is happening in the wild, with the open admission that the reason he's telling her is so she will compliment him more.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I didn't suggest he flirt with anyone else, and I know he wouldn't. He loves his wife and doesn't actually care about attention from others. But he does get attention from others regardless.
> 
> I suggested he do what Anon Pink has done, in pretty much the same manner, only with more openness about his goal. Not to flirt but just to report what is happening in the wild, with the open admission that the reason he's telling her is so she will compliment him more.


But he knows she is insecure, and hearing that others compliment him is likely to increase her insecurity.

I think he should just ask for words of affirmation when he needs them, without bringing anything up that might make her feel scared in any way. 

I mean, he does not want affirmation that is motivated by fear, right?

Otoh, it would be transparent to tell her what is happening, straight up. And transparency between partners is always good. It sparks growth.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> He loves his wife and doesn't actually care about attention from others. But he does get attention from others regardless.


He can love his wife AND enjoy getting attention from others.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Heatherknows said:


> I don't know about that.


Culturally we value looks over just about everything else. For a random person, it's much more likely someone's going to complement you on your looks that on what a smart, kind person you are.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> Culturally we value looks over just about everything else. For a random person, it's much more likely someone's going to complement you on your looks that on what a smart, kind person you are.


It is a quick judgment to make. It takes more time and investment to make a deeper compliment.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> Culturally we value looks over just about everything else. For a random person, it's much more likely someone's going to complement you on your looks that on what a smart, kind person you are.


Just look at social media to see this. There has been somewhat of a backlash on IG by some female models who go to great lengths to post the right picture, purely for likes.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Heatherknows said:


> Here is where the hot or not hot debate comes in and I think everyone loses.
> 
> Everyone on this thread is middle aged and may look fantastic but that isn't going to last. People get older and less hotter. It's a fact. And I'm speaking from the heart not trying to judge anyone but trying to figure stuff out myself.
> 
> I got into my cyber affairs because of my overly obsessed attachment to my looks. It has always been my "go to" card. And still at age 47 I can walk into a room and grab a lot of attention. But so what? If we are so dependent upon our spouses and society giving us compliments on our shell then how are we going to adjust when that shell isn't so wonderful. A better question might be "Why is it so important that people tell me I'm hot?"


Part of what makes this so complicated for me is that I am generally very confident in my looks, and don't seek out, and have never sough out external validation, because my appearance has very little bearing on the majority of my day to day life. It doesn't have anything to do with my job performance, how well I can cook, clean the house, fix a car, cut down a tree, clear brush, build a house, all of which I am sufficiently skilled at, but looks has nothing to do with that.

Where it does come into play is with my partner, and I only have one of those, and her validation is the only validation that is important to me, because that attraction is a key part of a good and successful relationship. Sometimes it just feels like she would have an easier time planning and pulling off a three ring circus party for a hundred people to celebrate me getting a promotion at work, than simply saying "damn baby, you make my toes curl" when I get out of the shower. I would be perfectly content with nothing more than a "That's cool" about a promotion just to let me know she heard me.

I think the biggest effect this is having on me is when it comes to my sex drive and desire. I think the best way to describe it is that I have a very evenly balanced combination of spontaneous and responsive desire, and that is where the conflict comes in. I can physically want my wife, but without the validation of raw desire from her, I can't pull the trigger without a lot of mental effort on my own, if that makes any sense.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Have you told her that, very clearly?

The last paragraph, I mean.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> I can physically want my wife, but without the validation of raw desire from her, I can't pull the trigger without a lot of mental effort on my own, if that makes any sense.


Curious, because of this mental effort, do you find at times it is just not worth pulling the trigger?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

jld said:


> It is a quick judgment to make. It takes more time and investment to make a deeper compliment.


And therein lies the problem. Without an initial attraction, your odds of having someone invest the time to know you better are diminished. And even WITH an initial attraction, some folks really just aren't interested in anything else.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> And therein lies the problem. Without an initial attraction, your odds of having someone invest the time to know you better are diminished. And even WITH an initial attraction, some folks really just aren't interested in anything else.


True.

But I still think relying on attraction is risky.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

samyeagar - I assume you do give her compliments on her looks, how does she react to them? 
Like if she comes into the room and you say "Wow, you look stunning" does she say "thanks, you do too" or just thanks you or something like "no I don't, look at how my hair is sitting, it's horrible!"


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> I think the biggest effect this is having on me is when it comes to my sex drive and desire. I think the best way to describe it is that I have a very evenly balanced combination of spontaneous and responsive desire, and that is where the conflict comes in. I can physically want my wife, but without the validation of raw desire from her, I can't pull the trigger without a lot of mental effort on my own, if that makes any sense.





EllisRedding said:


> Curious, because of this mental effort, do you find at times it is just not worth pulling the trigger?


This rang true for me, for both posts. I guess I hadn't spelled it out like this before, very insightful.


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> than simply saying "damn baby, you make my toes curl" when I get out of the shower.


I have heard these complaints from my H recently. I compliment him on his outfits if I like them, but I never say that stuff. I'm starting to wonder a little bit deeper if I don't say these things because it's just not the kinds of things I say or if I don't say these things because I don't feel it..the "you make my toes curl" or whatever.... Hmmmmm........ #ihateadulting


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> I didn't suggest he flirt with anyone else, and I know he wouldn't. He loves his wife and doesn't actually care about attention from others. But he does get attention from others regardless.
> 
> I suggested he do what Anon Pink has done, in pretty much the same manner, only with more openness about his goal. Not to flirt but just to report what is happening in the wild, with the open admission that the reason he's telling her is so she will compliment him more.


You know me so well FW  Yeah, I really don't give two sh1ts about attention from other women, and have never and never will actively seek it out.

I am intrigued by your idea though. Basically presenting things as matter of fact examples of what I am wanting.

But damn, none of this would be an issue for me if I thought this was something she simply never did, or was completely incapable of doing. The thing is, I have seen the actions and heard the words that she is capable and does do it, and for me, it doesn't make any difference that they are celebrities or internet meme cowboys. I don't compartmentalize people that way. I also don't really think I would care about the comments and her noticing others if I felt as if I was getting at least equal treatment in that regard. To her credit I suppose, she has dramatically toned down her comments about other men, but that's ultimately not what I was really wanting.

I do believe her though when she has said she never did, or had to do this with any previous partners. Most likely because her previous partners simply didn't care about what she thought of them...she put out so what did it matter, and she put up with them getting stuff on the side, so again, what did it matter.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

CatJayBird said:


> I have heard these complaints from my H recently. I compliment him on his outfits if I like them, but I never say that stuff. I'm starting to wonder a little bit deeper if I don't say these things because it's just not the kinds of things I say or if I don't say these things because I don't feel it..the "you make my toes curl" or whatever.... Hmmmmm........ #ihateadulting



Over the last couple years I've occasionally reminded my wife that I don't remember a single instance of her complimenting me in the last 25 years. She'll point out that she's complimented an outfit recently. But really, complimenting my jeans is not complimenting me.

I think she feels it would be disingenuous if she doesn't really feel it.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> Culturally we value looks over just about everything else. For a random person, it's much more likely someone's going to complement you on your looks that on what a smart, kind person you are.


If I just meet a person and I want to say something nice I will say something about their appearance because I don't have much else to go on. But if I'm looking for a service like someone to fix my car I care about how good they are doing what I'm *paying* them to do.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Heatherknows said:


> I'd take athletic guy and teach him manners. 0


A guy I grew up with...... is the athletic type
Played at BU on the 1975 National Champion Hockey Team

Great Looking 
Super Smart
came from the best family in town
and is still an outstanding human being

I couldn't even hate him right

Add to that He was my wife's first BF

55


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I think she feels it would be disingenuous if she doesn't really feel it.


I agree with this. I don't think it would be meaningful for the receiver, either.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Heatherknows said:


> He can love his wife AND enjoy getting attention from others.


The problem has arisen because she is so vocal about how HOT other dudes besides sam are, and this hurts his feelings since she never says so about him. There needs to be some way that sam can express to her how this makes him feel. It should be easy for her to compliment him too, but she doesn't. There is a reason she doesn't, and if he can get the topic open for conversation maybe they can make some lasting changes.

Keep in mind, she does not just make the occasional passing comment. She goes from zero to "HOT DAMN!!!" at the lightest provocation of seeing any hot dude other than her husband. This isn't right, it is rude and insensitive.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> I think the biggest effect this is having on me is when it comes to my sex drive and desire. I think the best way to describe it is that I have a very evenly balanced combination of spontaneous and responsive desire, and that is where the conflict comes in. I can physically want my wife, but without the validation of raw desire from her, I can't pull the trigger without a lot of mental effort on my own, if that makes any sense.


Yeah that makes sense. I get aroused thru dirty talk especially if flattery is involved. Maybe you can work that talk into your foreplay and sort of get her to describe your body to you but ask the questions in really hush hush erotic tones.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Over the last couple years I've occasionally reminded my wife that I don't remember a single instance of her complimenting me in the last 25 years. She'll point out that she's complimented an outfit recently. But really, complimenting my jeans is not complimenting me.
> 
> I think she feels it would be disingenuous if she doesn't really feel it.


yeh, "what a smokin' hot pair of jeans!" isn't much of a compliment....

why do you think it's hard for her? it's got to be some kind of insecurity on her part.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Curious, because of this mental effort, do you find at times it is just not worth pulling the trigger?


Yes.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Keep in mind, she does not just make the occasional passing comment. She goes from zero to "HOT DAMN!!!" at the lightest provocation of seeing any hot dude other than her husband. This isn't right, it is rude and insensitive.


I think that's cruel behavior. If my husband did that to me he'd become my ex-husband. This isn't about hotness it's about control.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> samyeagar - I assume you do give her compliments on her looks, how does she react to them?
> Like if she comes into the room and you say "Wow, you look stunning" does she say "thanks, you do too" or just thanks you or something like "no I don't, look at how my hair is sitting, it's horrible!"


I am very unfiltered with my wife in this regard, so yes, I do compliment her appearance quite often, as in daily. It is quite balanced between sexual and non sexual, and I have asked her point blank if she feels I am over the top, too much, if it ever gets annoying or off-putting, and it doesn't. She's quite satisfied in that regard.

Her reaction is usually one of humble acceptance as the corners of her mouth flit upwards in a suppressed smile. Sometimes she will smile and roll her eyes and tell me I'm crazy. She doesn't typically argue or fall into self deprecation. I don't want to say never, but I can't remember a time when she has returned the compliment.


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

Heatherknows said:


> I think that's cruel behavior. If my husband did that to me he'd become my ex-husband. This isn't about hotness it's about control.


Control over what?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Heatherknows said:


> I think that's cruel behavior. If my husband did that to me he'd become my ex-husband. This isn't about hotness it's about control.


Why is it control? What if she just does not think of it?

I don't think we should look for insult where none is intended. It just makes us feel bad, unnecessarily.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The thing is, most of us need to feel the hot desire from our spouses. Whether that comes from words or actions, we need it.

Sam, like me, has been very forthcoming with his wife about her propensity to verbally undress various other men but not her own husband. He knows she loves him, but when she is so capable of doing it for other men but not her own husband what message does this send?

During our many discussion about our marriage I told my husband point blank what message his silence sends to me. "You don't say it because you don't think it. You don't think it because you don't feel it. And yet total strangers can give me the once over and clearly communicate to me what they're thinking." My husband, unlike SAMs wife, has never uttered one word of appreciation for other women, hot models, playboy centerfolds, never a word. So when my husband said he didn't know what to say, there was some credibility there that Sam's wife doesn't have for reasons she doesn't offer compliments.

I think Sam should tell her when he gets compliments. This is what he has been asking her to do, telling her he needs.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

CatJayBird said:


> Control over what?





jld said:


> Why is it control? What if she just does not think of it?
> 
> I don't think we should look for insult where none is intended. It just makes us feel bad, unnecessarily.


To me it sounds like she's trying to get him jealous by giving other men compliments in front of him. It's a manipulative way to keep him in his place.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> I am very unfiltered with my wife in this regard, so yes, I do compliment her appearance quite often, as in daily. It is quite balanced between sexual and non sexual, and I have asked her point blank if she feels I am over the top, too much, if it ever gets annoying or off-putting, and it doesn't. She's quite satisfied in that regard.
> 
> Her reaction is usually one of humble acceptance as the corners of her mouth flit upwards in a suppressed smile. Sometimes she will smile and roll her eyes and tell me I'm crazy. She doesn't typically argue or fall into self deprecation. I don't want to say never, but I can't remember a time when she has returned the compliment.


Sad, and I'd be furious with this + complimenting other men. 

I hope it's all subconscious and not _actively _trying to take you down a bit so she feels better. Neither is good but at least one isn't intent. 
But this is all her. It's not how much you work out or how you look or how much you build her up. The more I read, I agree with the others, you'll have to just be really honest about how it makes you feel even if it means giving the examples of the other women.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Heatherknows said:


> To me it sounds like she's trying to get him jealous by giving other men compliments in front of him. It's a manipulative way to keep him in his place.


I think it is just a habit of hers. She came into adulthood with the persona of "the bad girl". She has done many bad girl things and enjoys talking about them. One of the things a bad girl does is talk smack about how hot dudes are and objectifying them.

I think the men she was with before sam didn't care about this habit of hers, so she never once questioned herself on why she did it. She hangs with other bad girls and they all have their bad girl locker room talk regularly. It is just part of their schtick. I don't think it has to do at all with controlling sam or making him feel anything.

However, she still has not fully recognized that sam does care and is hurt by these behaviors. When he has tried to discuss it with her, she is totally unaware of his feelings or even her own or why she is not able to compliment him even though she goes on and on about other guys. This is a life long habit that is not easy to change for her, especially since she has never examined it before.

I think sam should try harder to make her understand. Talking hasn't worked, so trying the playful reports of others who verbally appreciate him just might work. 

However, I don't think sam can actually pull it off. Because even though she continues to do this thing which hurts his feelings, he has too much empathy and would not be able to hurt her feelings, even to get his own needs met.

Thus they will likely remain stuck in this pattern.

If it was my husband and I acted like that (talking about other men) he would have dumped me very early on. He may have tried to tell me to stop first, but one slip up after that and he'd have been gone. Saying someone is attractive is one thing, and the occasional slip up of doing a double take of someone really hot is normal. But going on and on just shows a lack of maturity and sensitivity that my husband wouldn't have tolerated and neither would I.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> The problem has arisen because she is so vocal about how HOT other dudes besides sam are, and this hurts his feelings since she never says so about him. There needs to be some way that sam can express to her how this makes him feel. It should be easy for her to compliment him too, but she doesn't. There is a reason she doesn't, and if he can get the topic open for conversation maybe they can make some lasting changes.
> 
> Keep in mind, she does not just make the occasional passing comment. She goes from zero to "HOT DAMN!!!" at the lightest provocation of seeing any hot dude other than her husband. This isn't right, it is rude and insensitive.


Thinking of all of the different ways I have approached this, one other thing I have not done is just lost my sh1t right as it's happening. Last night would probably be a good example of a time to do that. She was in bed flipping through Facebook, and I had just come out of the bathroom after shaving, jeans on, belt unbuckled, chest still a bit wet from the water running down it, and I crawl up next to her, just in time to see her scroll back to something she had missed by scrolling too fast...it was some meme with a ripped naked selfie guy and the caption was one of those "When you see it..." and after a few seconds..."Ohhh, there's his tushy in the mirror."

It's pretty well known here that this has been an ongoing issue with my wife and I, and FW, I am coming to the acceptance that what you suggested a while back on another thread may indeed be a possibility...that she is struggling with this because she doesn't truly feel it. That she just doesn't find me over the top attractive, and the times we have this discussion that the things she says are as much to convince herself as they are to convince me. The words just simply don't add up to the actions...but then again...she is always receptive, and thoroughly enjoys the sex to the point where we are still around 7-10 times a week, and I can't imagine that would still be the case if she wasn't strongly attracted to me, unless it is just simply my skills in bed.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think Sam's wife is extremely insecure. She is jealous of his ex wife and thinks he can do better than her looks wise, so she simultaneously withholds compliments from him in order to keep him in check and talks about other men she's had to give herself the appearance of being more desirable. 

She also feels be could replace her easily and wants him to think she could replace him as well.

This is her way of trying to make herself an equal in the relationship. It's extremely unhealthy and terrible for the marital bond, but like my hb I doubt she realizes the damage she's doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> I think Sam's wife is extremely insecure. She is jealous of his ex wife and thinks he can do better than her looks wise, so she simultaneously withholds compliments from him in order to keep him in check and talks about other men she's had to give herself the appearance of being more desirable.
> 
> She also feels be could replace her easily and wants him to think she could replace him as well.
> 
> ...


That sounds about right.

Now back to hot men:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQQtr-mTvfs


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> It's pretty well known here that this has been an ongoing issue with my wife and I, and FW, I am coming to the acceptance that what you suggested a while back on another thread may indeed be a possibility...that she is struggling with this because she doesn't truly feel it. That she just doesn't find me over the top attractive, and the times we have this discussion that the things she says are as much to convince herself as they are to convince me. The words just simply don't add up to the actions...but then again...she is always receptive, and thoroughly enjoys the sex to the point where we are still around 7-10 times a week, and I can't imagine that would still be the case if she wasn't strongly attracted to me, unless it is just simply my skills in bed.


Well, my husband certainly would have lost his sh*t, and so would I if he was constantly scrolling through hot babes. I've never really been sure why you HAVEN'T lost your sh*t about this, since it clearly hurts and bothers you almost daily.

And it may be true that she doesn't find you as hot as others. If that were true, would you want to know? Would you want her to just say "well the thing is, I don't feel that primal reaction to your body the way I do to other men, that's why I don't say those things to you"? If she did say that and if it was the truth, you could then at least say "well do me the courtesy of not openly talking about men you do feel that way about". I'm not saying this is true, I'm just asking how you would feel and if you would want to know.

Perhaps saying this to her straight up in a conversation about it could get the topic moving. "Ok I've come to suspect that the reason you don't compliment me is that you truly don't feel it about me the way you do about other men". Her response should tell you a lot.

However, regardless, this behavior is RUDE and you should stand up to it and demand that she STOP. The fact that you have not done that means you have not been totally honest with her, since it does really bother you greatly. She clearly doesn't get that yet. You must be holding back sharing those feelings with her for some reason.

You have agonized over this since you've been with her, and I just wish you'd put a stop to it, one way or the other.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Perhaps saying this to her straight up in a conversation about it could get the topic moving. "Ok I've come to suspect that the reason you don't compliment me is that you truly don't feel it about me the way you do about other men". Her response should tell you a lot.


She may or may not tell the truth. Judging from Sam's avi he seems very attractive and if he gets lots of attention from other females then I'm positive his wife is threatened by this behavior.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Heatherknows said:


> She may or may not tell the truth. Judging from Sam's avi he seems very attractive and if he gets lots of attention from other females then I'm positive his wife is threatened by this behavior.


If she is, she needs to tell him this. She also needs to be accountable for hurting his feelings. Her own insecurity is not justification for hurting him or trying to make him insecure. Though I do not think that is her goal, but if it is, it needs to be addressed.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

On the topic of hot men, our new PM here is freakin gorgeous IMO

I've been... scrolling.... through pics of him for a while and I have made comments to H about how hot I think he is. I didn't even think before I said them but I guess again that's my own stupidity and not thinking that hey, if he did that I would be upset. 

Regardless I'll keep it to myself (and this thread) but there's nothing hotter than watching a man play with his kids and being a good Dad.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"New PM here?" What does this mean?


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> "New PM here?" What does this mean?


I didn't understand that either. Also, I'm very concerned that my new crush Caesar Milan is gay. If that is true he will never fall in love with me and whisk me off to his castle filled with dogs. :crying:


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Oops, it's Prime Minister of Canada.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Oh! Heck yah, he's HOTTT!!!! 

I thought it was a model or something.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> If she is, she needs to tell him this. She also needs to be accountable for hurting his feelings. Her own insecurity is not justification for hurting him or trying to make him insecure. Though I do not think that is her goal, but if it is, it needs to be addressed.


I don't think she is doing things on a conscious level, but subconsciously, maybe, I don't know. She has expressed insecurities in just about every aspect of our relationship Our relationship is unlike any she has ever been in before by a long shot. She has always considered herself the smarter partner, the more attractive partner, the one who was better in bed, the higher earner, the one who cooked, cleaned, the one who in short carried the relationship emotionally, sexually, and practically. With me, all of that has been turned upside down for her in that she now feels very inferior in every aspect. I don't think that necessarily says as much about how good I am as much as how poor her previous partners were. I have asked her if there is anything I do or say that reinforces those feelings of inferiority, do I ever lord it over her, and I do think she is honest when she says that I don't in any way. That I just go about being who I am and everything simply speaks for itself.

I do understand how different of a relationship this is for her, and I do try and be sensitive to the fact that she is having to relearn a lifetime of experience. I do think she genuinely wants to provide this for me, she just doesn't know how, and I have not found an effective way to communicate with her. Though with the difficulties we have had with this, I do sometimes wonder if she says that because she genuinely feels it, or because she knows what I want and is afraid she will lose me if we can't work this out.

Given the totality of our relationship, this is by far the biggest issue for me, and really the only issue for me, and is not going to be a deal breaker, and I do know that acknowledging that it is not a deal breaker really weakens my ability to get what I am wanting.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Though with the difficulties we have had with this, I do sometimes wonder if she says that because she genuinely feels it, or because she knows what I want and is afraid she will lose me if we can't work this out.


Why would she continue to talk about other hot dudes and continue to not compliment you if she's afraid she would lose you if you can't work this out? Self-sabotage?


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

When I started dating my husband, he was like the fit picture. 32 years later, he's more like the built picture.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

samyeagar- Is she in counseling at all? Her working on herself and her confidence would probably help. These are her issues, it's kind of like RJ/anxiety, insecurity and being irrational and being so worried about something that you cause more problems than you would have had in the first place. 
Is there any other behaviors that might suggest an anxiety problem in general?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> samyeagar- Is she in counseling at all? Her working on herself and her confidence would probably help. These are her issues, it's kind of like RJ/anxiety, insecurity and being irrational and being so worried about something that you cause more problems than you would have had in the first place.
> Is there any other behaviors that might suggest an anxiety problem in general?


I do think at the very least we could benefit from counselling. I also think it is quite likely that I will need to set aside my concern for her feelings, and let the chips fall where they may.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> When I started dating my husband, he was like the fit picture. 32 years later, he's more like the built picture.


I've been looking for hot male picture to post and I don't really see that many guys that I think are very hot.

Serious it just doesn't get better than this:

The 100th birthday of the humble t-shirt | Stuff.co.nz

He has the dark hair.
The kissable lips.
The dark eyes.
The perfect body.

He probably slept with 1000 women. Who would say no?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I can't think of a hot man and think I'd like to have him. I may appreciate his physical beauty but that doesn't mean I want him in my bed. In fact, more often than not, the more physical beauty I notice, the less likely I'd actually be attracted to him.

Except Daniel Craig. Naw probably not even him truth be told.

I'd need to know what a man's personality was like, his sense of humor, how he treats others. That information is a complete game changer. It takes a mediocre guy to a hot guy and a hot guy to a d!ck head.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I always thought David Beckham was so hot but then I heard him talk in an interview. Not at all the voice I was expecting, it's kind of high. It was disappointing,lol.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> I always thought David Beckham was so hot but then I heard him talk in an interview. Not at all the voice I was expecting, it's kind of high. It was disappointing,lol.


The way a man carries himself, speech patterns and sense of wit can make or break my attraction.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> I do think at the very least we could benefit from counselling. I also think it is quite likely that I will need to set aside my concern for her feelings, and let the chips fall where they may.


You should.....your concern for her feelings is not reciprocated.

That's what I ended up having to do with my hb, and I've found that empathy goes a long way. Start commenting on other women in front of her and give her fewer compliments, then when she freaks out point out how it feels. 

Her projecting her insecurities onto you by basically emotionally abusing you to keep you in your place is terrible for your marriage. If she's like my hb she doesn't realize how damaging it is. Tell her what I told mine: that this isn't a good relationship for her if she needs to keep you down to make herself feel better, or if she needs to feel like the superior partner.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> There needs to be some way that sam can express to her how this makes him feel.


There are plenty of ways. He needs to stop it without showing jealousy. Next time it happens say, "I bet you two would make a cute couple" Old Sam just need to find the courage to stop this shyt and quit rationalizing her crappie behavior. Her crap is appalling and he's going along to get along. He's screwing himself and looking weak by letting her control this. How long would it take for you respect for a man that allowed you to treat him like this. 



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I've been... scrolling.... through pics of him for a while and I have made comments to H about how hot I think he is. I didn't even think before I said them but I guess again that's my own stupidity and not thinking that hey, if he did that I would be upset.


Goes back a ways but its like a T shirt I had printed for a guy whose GF was snooty and cool because he gained a few pounds, _"Don't expect me to look like Richard Gere if you don't look like Cindy Crawford"

_


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

ThePheonix said:


> There are plenty of ways. He needs to stop it without showing jealousy. Next time it happens say, "I bet you two would make a cute couple" Old Sam just need to find the courage to stop this shyt and quit rationalizing her crappie behavior. Her crap is appalling and he's going along to get along. He's screwing himself and looking weak by letting her control this. How long would it take for you respect for a man that allowed you to treat him like this.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I have found that when it comes to issues of ogling and flirting with other men, using overt "I don't like it when you do this, please stop" type of talk usually doesn't do what you intend it to. It paints you as insecure and sensitive... two things that aren't the most attractive. Sure, to us more intellectual/rational types, talking it out sounds the most productive means to an end. By her actions, you can already tell that a good chat ain't gonna get it done.

Actions will get it done. Your response should totally be what ThePhoenix suggests. Joke around with it. Flip it. "Yeah, he does have a nice butt. But not as nice as that brunette back there. Did you see that caboose?! Choo choo! I think she was checking me out."

Do that a few times, and she'll get it. 

She's walking towards "The Line". She needs a nudge back towards good behavior.

Keep Your Woman From Approaching "The Line"


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> The problem has arisen because she is so vocal about how HOT other dudes besides sam are, and this hurts his feelings since she never says so about him. There needs to be some way that sam can express to her how this makes him feel. It should be easy for her to compliment him too, but she doesn't. There is a reason she doesn't, and if he can get the topic open for conversation maybe they can make some lasting changes.
> 
> Keep in mind, she does not just make the occasional passing comment. She goes from zero to "HOT DAMN!!!" at the lightest provocation of seeing any hot dude other than her husband. This isn't right, it is rude and insensitive.


I'll say this...I wouldn't tolerate that from a partner for a single second.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

dadstartingover.com said:


> I have found that when it comes to issues of ogling and flirting with other men, using overt "I don't like it when you do this, please stop" type of talk usually doesn't do what you intend it to. It paints you as insecure and sensitive... two things that aren't the most attractive. Sure, to us more intellectual/rational types, talking it out sounds the most productive means to an end. By her actions, you can already tell that a good chat ain't gonna get it done.
> 
> Actions will get it done. Your response should totally be what ThePhoenix suggests. Joke around with it. Flip it. "Yeah, he does have a nice butt. But not as nice as that brunette back there. Did you see that caboose?! Choo choo! I think she was checking me out."
> 
> ...


Doing this would not work on me at all. It'd just piss me off and we'd have a battle on our hands. 

I respond best to act in the way you want your partner to act and communicate, it doesn't have to be weak and unattractive. 

You can clearly say that something isn't acceptable in a strong and confident way without having to stoop to their level and "nudging" them.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Doing this would not work on me at all. It'd just piss me off and we'd have a battle on our hands.
> 
> I respond best to act in the way you want your partner to act and communicate, it doesn't have to be weak and unattractive.
> 
> You can clearly say that something isn't acceptable in a strong and confident way without having to stoop to their level and "nudging" them.


My husband was always able to express his wishes to me (ie: I don't want you acting too fascinated with guys who are clearly trying to flirt with you) without threatening he would be going to a strip club without me tomorrow night. 

He just acted like he cherished me too much to share his treasure with anyone and he also said so, in those types of words. He did not act (or feel) insecure. He acted like he was unhappy with my behavior and had every right to be (if I was acting like that). He acted like he expected me to respect his boundaries. His self-respect made me want to respect his boundaries, 100%. A threat to go to a strip club without me would have made him seem childish and weak and whiny.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Totally agree that threats are weak.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

I'm a bit different than most, I guess. I like the "fit" body in the first post. Adam Levine - OMG! He's definitely my type.


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## Sae761 (Dec 16, 2015)

Im curious to see the thread about preferred women's body types? Where I can read it?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

SKINNY and FIT is what turns me on... my husband is more a SKINNY... sure he could be more Fit.. but I don't need it.. Too much muscle has always been a turn off to me .. and if the guy looks like he has boobs ... even if that's muscle.. I still find it a turn off.. I'm rather particular.. he has to have a flat stomach too.. or I would not enjoy seeing him naked.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> SKINNY and FIT is what turns me on... my husband is more a SKINNY... sure he could be more Fit.. but I don't need it.. Too much muscle has always been a turn off to me .. and if the guy looks like he has boobs ... even if that's muscle.. I still find it a turn off.. I'm rather particular.. he has to have a flat stomach too.. or I would not enjoy seeing him naked.


6'2
Dark hair
Dark eyes
Broad shoulders
Killer Bi's
V cut back
Chiseled Chest
Long Defined Legs
Engagement Ring in Pocket


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Women love guys with boats.


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## pumpk1n (Dec 16, 2015)

Ha!! Any body type that can give it to me good is good for me! This being after I'm already attracted by brains, heart, and humor though. I've enjoyed myself with all from the skinny to the very husky. At least one good, strong arm helps too.  BF is closer to builtfat than anything and I could just eat him up. 

When I see other men in life, sure there are fine specimens worthy of a good look, but they're just people to me, much like other beautiful women. This is why bf really doesn't have to worry about me on gno's. No one can compare to bf's intelligence, loyalty, and wit regardless of their prettiness.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Heatherknows said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > He loves his wife and doesn't actually care about attention from others. But he does get attention from others regardless.
> ...


So long as its not seeking attention from others.....that is wrong.


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