# Marriage Problem



## chad303 (Feb 1, 2010)

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## MrP.Bodybig (Jul 21, 2009)

Are you for real? Are you really on this forum looking for the go ahead to cheat on the women who obviously loves you enough to keep you after you cheated on her? Do you not understand that cheating on her probably made her more insecure than putting on a few extra pounds? So you are conceited and she is not. You think the best way for you to improve your sex life is cheating on her again? Oh please GOD when I'm this jack holes age please do let me think with my **** instead of my brain. You need to step back from your Adonis self image and think about your wife's. Make her feel beautiful, let her know she is number one to you. Don't flaunt your body (if its as nice as you think it is) in front of her, that just makes her more insecure. Tell her you think she's a hot piece of ass and you want her. aaaaaaarrrrgghhh it's guys like you who give good men a bad name


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## chad303 (Feb 1, 2010)

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## MrP.Bodybig (Jul 21, 2009)

Have you sought counseling? Does she need professional help? You can't blame her feeling how she does, you did what you did and yes she did what she did. Obviously she is more affected than you are. you can not sit there and say that, you being in better condition than her doesn't make her feel less than good about her own self image. Have you tried taking your libido out of this and tried communicating about emotions and feelings you both have? I've said this on this forum before,, when emotions, feelings and other aspects of a relationship are going good. sex usually falls in line with the rest. I'm sorry for dogging you but I have seen first hand (mom and dad) how a cheating spouse can leave someone a shell of what they used to be.


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## chad303 (Feb 1, 2010)

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## MrP.Bodybig (Jul 21, 2009)

Maybe you need counseling. Tell her how you feel about this great wall of china. Have you done this?


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## Veda (Mar 13, 2009)

Many years ago when she left you and ended up pregnant, were you two married then? For how long?


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## chad303 (Feb 1, 2010)

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## PepsiGirl (Jan 31, 2010)

You need to divorce eachother, theres no respect or love for that matter. This is just plain sad


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## chad303 (Feb 1, 2010)

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## chad303 (Feb 1, 2010)

PepsiGirl said:


> You need to divorce eachother, theres no respect or love for that matter. This is just plain sad


No, it's real. Life isn't a fairy tale and real marriages have problems. Sometimes serious problems. Divorce is not an option for me, I would never do that to my kids. I won't throw my hands up and leave like my marriage is some unfortunate circumstance I can throw away. I love my wife, and she loves me. Our lives have been fraught with mistakes and moments that seemed hopeless, but we have always had love.


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## PepsiGirl (Jan 31, 2010)

people who are in love dont cheat, its that simple. I would never want to make my husband sad in anyway because of my actions, to have kids in this mix is just messed up. Your right marriages do have problems but some are not fixable and unforgiveable. lifes too short for all the drama


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## chad303 (Feb 1, 2010)

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## Veda (Mar 13, 2009)

I can see her point that what she did to you and what you've done to her is different. I think we all expect each other to screw up when we are young. She did a humdinger of it and was truly blessed to have you love her enough to accept her faults and all. I'm sure that the love she has for you as a mature woman is a lot different and deeper than the starry-eyed love young adults have. And that is where she is hurting. You have taken her safe world and turned it upside down with your affair. 

You admit you were wrong and you are trying to take action to repair your relationship. BRAVO!! But there won't be a magic button to hit that causes everything to be great again. You will need a lot of patience with her because she is shattered. Don't expect intimacy to be there anytime soon. You will have to rebuild the trust and take things slow.

The "great wall of china" you talk about with her is exactly how I handle situations that upset me. I cannot express my feelings in words but I do listen when he talks. Perhaps, you should talk to her from your heart and explain what caused you to stray and what has brought you back to her. You need to make her feel special again but expect the road to be a long one. The best way to talk to her is to not be in her face about it and expect a response from her. Leave a rose on her windshield with a note that says "just because" or something similar where she can receive the gift and not feel pressured to like to dislike it right away. Dont get discouraged if she is still angry. She might not be angry at you but at the way she feels about it all. 

Just whatever you do, dont try to make things sexual too soon. She's not feeling that way at all and you pressuring her will make her feel like if you dont get it from her, you'll get it elsewhere. NEVER talk about sexual needs because that's what got you in this mess to begin with. Good luck.


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## chad303 (Feb 1, 2010)

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## Veda (Mar 13, 2009)

I can understand your insecurities too and perhaps your willingness to work on yours to help her is exactly what she needs. After my last post I thought more about little things you can do for her. Small things are the most noticeable...

+set the dinner table without being asked
+sneak in and fold all the clothes from the dryer before she gets to them
+cut out a funny comic strip from the newspaper and leave it in a book she'd find later.
+do something to the yard that she always wanted

Just be sure to let any response from her come at her own doing. Don't set the table or fold the clothes and say "what what I did?" You may not get a response but she will notice you being more proactive around the house.

Also, as another way to open communication, you dont always have to be talking to a brick wall. Buy a journal and instead of writing "Dear Diary" in it, write each entry as if you are writing her a letter. Anytime you want to tell her something (about how much you love her, something she did that day that you loved, or talk about your regret, or whatever)....write it down. Let her know what you are doing and leave it out so that she can read it anytime she wants in private. I could be mad as spitfire but if I knew my guy was doing that, I'd be reading it every day even if I told him I wasn't.


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## SweetiepieMI (Jan 22, 2010)

So in your first post you stated that you cant ignore the women who flirt with you forever if your sex life stays the way it is now? But then you say that you consider divorce completely out of the question? So if things are rocky for, let say, the next year- you're saying that eventually you would give in to temptation and cheat again? There is NO way, in my opinion, that this can be fixed with that idea in your mind. You need to not think about your own sexual desires right now and instead think about her emotional need and hurt. 

She had a child by another man, but that was over a decade ago and you forgave her. She probably feels it's completely different because you guys have since built a life together and there is much more at stake.

From the childrens perspective, I dont know if you guys are fighting in front of them about these matters, but one thing i've heard really rings true- "Children would rather be FROM and broken home than IN one".......

my advice........quit even contemplating eventually cheating and get some COUNSELING!!!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

chad303 said:


> Thanks for your thoughtful post. The rose is an excellent idea. I know that a good portion of our sexual issues stem from insecurities on my part. I crave constant ego reinforcement. I'm not sure why, but it's something I have to deal with in order to "get over myself" and be a better person.


 The point here is that YOU can do something about your ego issue. YOU can go to counseling to get over your insecurity, which FEEDS your need for ego gratification. It's likely that she senses this need in you and THAT is what makes her fearful.

That said, IIWY, I would pick out some sort of activity that you can do TOGETHER, that doesn't 'feel' like exercise (so she won't balk). Start hiking together, or taking walks, or rollerblading, or even bowling. 

For a healthy marriage, you need to spend 10-15 hours a week together doing just 'you' stuff - no kids, no work, no housework...just being happy together. Marriages need this fulfillment. Find ways to bring time together back into your marriage, and it will improve. Once it improves, your wife will start liking you more, and she'll start wanting to be intimate with you more. Most women don't go in for a lot of SF unless they are being emotionally fulfilled. YOU have to provide that emotional fulfillment for her, in order for her to want to provide SF fulfillment for you.


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