# Proceeding with caution



## HBdigs84 (Apr 15, 2016)

Hi all, I am a newbie! I wouldn't be on here unless I had some relationship concerns so here is it in a nutshell...my husband and I have a 10-year off and on dating history (dated for 5yrs, split for 4 1/2 yrs, now together for 2yrs). Last May I learned I was pregnant with our first child. Should have been an exciting time but honestly, I cried for 3 days because I didn't think our relationship was in the best place to bring in a child. Nevertheless, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy 3 months ago and my husband and I went down to the courthouse 2 months ago. 
He has been previously married and from what I was told by his ex, it was an abusive relationship and I do not doubt her as I have experienced emotional and verbal abuse from him in the past. 
We got into argument this morning because I forgot a detail about our babysitter's schedule in which she would need to take our son with her when she picks up her kids every Thursday. I verbally agreed to that after my husband and I discussed she will not be taking our child in the car. He stepped up and informed the sitter that no, she will not be taking him in the car. I admit fault for not standing up for my son when I was supposed to. Call it new mom brain or whatever, I am more forgetful now that I ever was. Anyway, after the sitter left, he proceeded to tell me how he doesn't trust my decisions and if I can't pull my weight, he'll file an anullment and pretty much make my life a living hell in order to gain full custody of our son. Has anyone else experienced something similar? I can't believe I put myself in this situation. Threatening a divorce over something like this?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I can see why he would be upset but to threaten you like that is not the behaviour of someone who loves you; it is the behaviour of someone who is using you and sees you only as a means to an end, and considering the circumstances of your marriage, I think he only married you because you had a child.

You already know you've made a serious mistake, but it's not too late to get out of it.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I honestly don't get why the babysitter can't take him in the car. You either trust her or you don't. If you don't, you shouldn't be leaving your son with her at all. As long as she has the correct seat for him, and is experienced in driving with small children - which she clearly is, there shouldn't be an issue.

Your husband is an abusive ahole. You know this already hon. Anullment stat.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's unclear how long you two have actually been married. Is it 2 months?

Your husband seems not be aware of the law or he knows that you have no clue about family law. You need to do some reading about the laws where you live.

He cannot get an annulment. Annulments are only for fraudulent marriages. He would have to get a divorce.

Threatening to make your life hell and gain full custody is a nonsense threat. Read up on child custody laws in your state. 

However, you need to take his threats seriously as a marriage will not work if one spouse is threatening annulment/divorce and interfering with custody. 

Do you really have any problem with the babysitter driving your child? Or is this really just your husband's issue and now you are beating yourself up because you sort of agreed with his mandate that no sitter will drive your son? And then you broke that agreement as did as you pleased?

Are you considering breaking up with him?


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