# Not into sex.



## power0242 (Nov 24, 2014)

Ive noticed my fiancé hasn't been into our sex life lately, things have changed and when we do have sex its if she's doing it just to please me real quick and gets it over with. Ive been with a few partners and never had this issue with any of the girls I've been with. Ive noticed how she's sleeping right away when I get out the shower, how she always tells me she's tired when she feels I'm gonna make a move on her and how well argue just to be mad at each other so we don't have to have sex. She's been with a few dudes before me some who i know and have been around a lot and even told me i wasnt the best sex she's had which is a messed up thing to say BUT, she wasn't mine either i would never tell her that tho. I'm not sure if I'm just not her type which is probably obvious since i wasn't the "best" but I brought up wanting to have an open marriage that way where both satisfied sexually, kind of like a "hall pass". We have sex like once a week maybe if that, I just know we need to fix our relationship before we get married which is why I'm on here but i know we can because our relationship is strong we just need to figure US out.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Just end it now. Seriously, there is no hope for your relationship.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening power0242
I suggest reading the various threads on LD/HD (low desire, high desire) relationships. 

This is a really awful problem that can lead to decades of misery. If that is your situation, you really do not want to go there. (yes, I know you love her, but please read the threads to understand what you may be getting in to).


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

What is missing in the bedroom? You must have had satisfactory sex in the beginning or else why would you even have gotten this close?

Don't initiate so much. 

Has she gained weight?

Do you have any habit like smoking that could justify her lack desire?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

This is the time in your relationship when the sex is likely to be at its best and hottest.

So count on it getting worse from here on out.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Think of this part of your life as using a public restroom. Dump and go, dump and go.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

It will. LOL get better LOL after marriage. :rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

0242 - I can only second what everyone else has said here.

At this stage of your life you and your fiancee should be bonking like rabbits. 
You aren't....and neither does it seem you are sexually compatible. You are so lucky to have realised this now before you put the ring on her finger.

Please...please get out now before it becomes so much more complicated. 

If I knew 'then' what I know 'now', I would have bailed out.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

If the sex is so bad that you want an open marriage before you even get married, don't get married.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> If the sex is so bad that you want an open marriage before you even get married, don't get married.


This!

Sometimes the truth is sooooo simple.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

it's messed up that she would tell you she had other guys better than you, unless you pressed her for some kind of answer. this in and of itself is a red flag.

you don't tell someone you care about that you've had better; you help them learn to be the best you've ever had.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

tell us more about her personality.


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## SailBadTheSinner (Apr 7, 2014)

Unless she's just AMAZING rich, run--don't walk--away from this train wreck. (BTW, did she also say her former lovers were better hung than you?) Geez, what do you need before you kick her to the curb? But, of course if she's AMAZING rich stay and get a mistress.


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## Hammond_B3 (Oct 31, 2014)

I think getting married would be a huge mistake. I'm not into the open marriage concept myself, but if your talking about it even before you are married sounds like your head's not really into the marriage any way. Save yourself some trouble and expense and just part as friends.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I brought up wanting to have an open marriage that way where both satisfied sexually, kind of like a "hall pass"


Did the sex start to decline before or after you brought up an open marriage? That would turn me off, for sure, and would cause me to break off the engagement.

Have you talked about your unhappiness with your sex life and her seeming lack of interest? What was her attitude when you brought it up?

How long have you been together? Sometimes, when the new relationship hormones die down after a year or two of boinking like bunnies, the sex life slows down to "normal." Normal meaning "she really only wants sex once a week" when she isn't in a new relationship. You've found where her actual sex drive is. You aren't likely to be able to do anything to change that, and neither is she.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

power0242 said:


> Ive noticed my fiancé hasn't been into our sex life lately, things have changed


So what has changed, other than sex? Do you communicate? Do you know what HER needs are? Lack of sex is a symptom of something else gone wrong in your relationship.

Before dumping her have a heart-to-heart with her. Ask her what her needs are and if you aren't meeting them on a consistent basis, start now. This isn't a one-time thing to get laid, it will be a lifetime job of both of you meeting each other's needs.

When you talk to her, don't talk about your need for "sex" Talk about your need for "a fulfilling, intimate sexual relationship" with her, the thing that is needed in a committed relationship. The thing that goes hand-in-hand with monogamy.

Explain that you understand that if you don't meet her needs and that if she doesn't meet yours, the relationship will fail. And it's better to fail before you get married than after.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Don't waste time trying to figure it out. Get out and get out now! Run fast, run far, don't look back. A decision to marry this woman is a decision to live a life of forced celibacy. Dump her immediately and drop to your knees and thank the Good Lord Above every morning thereafter that you had the foresight to dodge the bullet.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

What did she say about the open marriage idea? 

It seems curious that you consider telling her that she is not the best lover you have ever had is out of bounds but suggesting you each have sex with others is OK?

I agree with everyone else -this relationship is headed for trouble.
It sounds like two people tolerating each other instead of making a bond.


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

CANCEL THE WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!

If she was already your wife and mother to your children, I would say maybe investigate the cause and see what the problem is.

However, you will be better off letting some other guy deal with the problem. Do not be THAT GUY, buddy. You will be miserable.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

power0242 said:


> Ive noticed my fiancé hasn't been into our sex life lately, things have changed and when we do have sex its if she's doing it just to please me real quick and gets it over with.
> 
> Ive noticed how she's sleeping right away when I get out the shower, how she always tells me she's tired when she feels I'm gonna make a move on her and how well argue just to be mad at each other so we don't have to have sex.
> 
> *and even told me i wasnt the best sex she's had *which is a messed up thing to say


Do not get married. Seriously. 

Your relationship is already sexless and you haven't even tied the knot...so sexless that you're already considering an open relationship for the future. Her refusal to talk about or get mad at you when you want to have sex is no good and doesn't bode well for the future. Her telling you that you aren't her "best sex" speaks volumes about how much she cares about you and respects you. That is a really low thing to say to someone who you supposedly love/care about and want to marry.

Do not past go. And by Go I mean don't get married.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I don't think OP is coming back. Hopefully he's not on his honeymoon.


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## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

My god dude. The rest are correct. It will get better in spurts but will fall flat hard. You are lucky one. Most of us joined this site when it was already too late. It does not get better after marriage.


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## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

I didn't read all of that before. Leave now my friend. She will be contacting an ex real soon. So will you. Save yourself the yrs of frustration and raising kids in that environment. 




power0242 said:


> She's been with a few dudes before me some who i know and have been around a lot and even told me i wasnt the best sex she's had which is a messed up thing to say BUT, she wasn't mine either i would never tell her that tho. I'm not sure if I'm just not her type which is probably obvious since i wasn't the "best" but I brought up wanting to have an open marriage that way where both satisfied sexually, kind of like a "hall pass".


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