# How to divorce nicely for the Dummies



## variety (Sep 6, 2009)

I have been reading various posts and can't help but recognize how similar some experiences are .... it is as if I am reading my story told by someone who have been present in my life.

Been married for almost 10 years, no kids, OK financially for both of us, been living a virtual marriage, too busy to talk or be there for each other, own life is too demanding to cope with each other's issues, not making effort to spend time together, etc etc list goes on.......

Due to "family history", strong opposition to marriage made me want to "make it" last forever. But I am beginning to realize we had some great times and my future can be happier without my husband. 

Any tips on divorcing nicely .......


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Why do you think your future will be happier without your husband?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Try reading "The Healthy Divorce." It especially emphasizes the problem with putting kids in the middle, but has good advice overall. Remember that you cannot control his reactions, but you can control how you react to him. If you remain civil no matter what, your experience of divorce will be one you can reflect on with the knowledge you did what you could.


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## larniegrl (Oct 7, 2009)

Divorce is never "nice"...but I think I know what you mean.

Have you tried to salvage the marriage yet? Maybe some intense discussion/counseling. Don't give up on 10 years of being together without a fight.


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

Do as much as you can without lawyers...


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Wow another one that says they don't have a perfect marriage so lets just move on.. What is to change in the new relationship that won't make you an ex 2 times over?? If people put a little work into their marriage it can be better.. Yet divorce is the cop out.. If there was some major issues I can understand but it just sounds like lack fo connection and effort.. Shame..


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

Only you know if you're done, I mean really DONE. Try looking at it this way:

If you think divorce is the answer it means, not that you'd be happier with someone else, but happier being by yourself the rest of your life. That could happen, you know.

I think divorce is the only answer when you have tried, and tried to make it work. Both of you really making an effort. Having no regrets or "if onlys" hanging over your head.

There is no such thing as a nice divorce, or they are extremely rare.


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## variety (Sep 6, 2009)

Thank you everyone for your respective responses.

My reason for going down the route of divorce is accepting the situation as is. 

I used to think "marriage is for life" but this may be a limiting belief in itself.

Marriage can be fun but it has its downside. If it doesn't work out for people who have been together for 10 years why not be on your own for awhile, if another partner crosses your path then see how it will turn up. 
With the experience I have, I know future relationship will be different. Can't predict that I will marry second time around and be happy forever but if failure of the first one suggest that it is time to review the personal situation, then why fight so hard?

I respect all who have given so much to save their marriage. Often it is about working thru issues over a number of months and even years. Imagine, having a different kind of life without current partner. Perhaps I may get to see more "glass is half full" then empty. I want to live my life .... be more happy with or without a partner.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Atholk said:


> If you can manage a happy pleasant divorce, you can usually pull off a good marriage.


Love This! 
Why is it at divorce time we are expected to do our best, be civil, be considerate...etc...when my H wanted to leave he kept on saying can't we just be kind to eachother about this????


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Atholk: Right on! My H's best friend said "you guys get along so well going through a divorce...better than most married people." 

My attorney raised his eyebrows how civil and kind we are to each other. Even inviting him over for dinner with kids (while I am gone). 

If you both can't agree to work on things then hammer everything out prior to meeting with an attorney. Uncontested is the way to do if possible.


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