# How do I talk to my 12 year old son about masterbating?



## LilSicilianMaMa (Dec 28, 2020)

*My oldest son (who’s 15 yrs old) Told me about how he caught his little Brother (age 12 years old) masterbating in his room, so I had the “it’s a normal thing/ don’t let anyone shame you for it” kinda talk with my youngest son, but I’ve noticed he’s in his bedroom ALOT with his door shut, so I texted his father and asked him to talk to him about it but I don’t think his father will (there dad is one of them Do nothing, pays nothing for their kids types) So if he don’t talk to him then me being his mother will have to talk to him, and I have no clue what to say to my 12 year old son, ANY advice Anyone can give me will help me tremendously. Thanks *


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

LilSicilianMaMa said:


> *My oldest son (who’s 15 yrs old) Told me about how he caught his little Brother (age 12 years old) masterbating in his room, so I had the “it’s a normal thing/ don’t let anyone shame you for it” kinda talk with my youngest son, but I’ve noticed he’s in his bedroom ALOT with his door shut, so I texted his father and asked him to talk to him about it but I don’t think his father will (there dad is one of them Do nothing, pays nothing for their kids types) So if he don’t talk to him then me being his mother will have to talk to him, and I have no clue what to say to my 12 year old son, ANY advice Anyone can give me will help me tremendously. Thanks *


Uh....you already gave him the talk that "it's normal". What makes you think that anything else NEEDS to be said or done?

It seems to me that if you keep hounding him about it, it will make it seem like it IS a big issue.

I think you should leave it be. After all, he's doing it alone in his room (assuming that's what he's doing with the door closed). That's certainly better than some sort of compulsive behavior he does in public. (And that happened with some parents I know whose 12 or 13 year old daughter had an issue with self-gratification at school).


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Well one thing you might not want to do is post a picture of yourself on a post you made about him. Reverse image search is a thing you know, imagine if one of his friends found it. You should change that right away.

I think what your other son said is good. You should also talk to him about porn and how it sets a false idea of what sex is like as well as women (though maybe I should assume that is what he is into), I don't think you will be able to prevent him from seeing it as it is ubiquitous now a days. Teach him to be responsible about it and sex. No means no, there are some risks that come with it and so forth. Be very careful not to shame him about it either. This is a normal thing.

If you are unsure continue to do what you are doing. Do some research, I am sure there are articles online. This is the beginning of him moving into adulthood so treat it the same way you would anything else like that. I think the best thing you can do is not make it a big deal, because it's not it's normal. Just talk to him like you would anything else but have a plan. Try to give him information to allow him to make a wise and informed decision. So that when the time comes he will also have a plan.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Why do you feel the need to talk to him about it?

Did you ever have such a talk, or series of talks, with your older son?

Did your parents talk about masturbation to you? Your ex’s parents to your ex?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I didn't even bring this up with my 20 and 17 year old boys and I'm pretty sure they know it's normal.

I did have a porn talk with them which I'm not sure they wanted to have with their mom but it was necessary.

I figured that as long as one doesn't make masturbating a bad thing it'll work itself out.

I would have asked his brother if he told him to lock his door 😅


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Oh yes...

That is a touchy subject. 

Nature marches on.
It cannot be denied.

Children go from being children to being adolescents, to being adults.
It is a process, never smooth, never a clean break from one to the other.

Young girls have their issues during this period, also, another pun.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

He will find out one day. We all did. Now there is a lot of information on internet, so no worries. You told him is normal, he will find out the rest himself.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> I didn't even bring this up with my 20 and 17 year old boys and I'm pretty sure they know it's normal.
> 
> I did have a porn talk with them which I'm not sure they wanted to have with their mom but it was necessary.
> 
> ...


Porn is a scourge on Society, certainly on children. 
Access is now too easy.

The formative years are crucial as to how children will later view sexuality, in general.
Adolescence is a very difficult time for humans, porn just adds to the awkwardness.

There are (likely) very few innocent children raised in the World.
(By the way, this is not a new occurrence. It has just become more rampant in this internet age).

...........................................................................................................

Another hot topic for the pros and cons, ah, the con-artists, aka, those social contortionists!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I have a son who is about the same age. We didn't wait until he was a certain age, then have "the talk". We've talked to him about it since he was a toddler, in age appropriate ways, so he's always sort of known and the conversations grew with him. Things we discussed with him: masturbation is normal, healthy and that he should do it (if he wants to), appropriate places to do it, what happens and why (I had no clue what was going on when I started, just that it felt good and made a mess), things like wet dreams and dealing with stains, porn and unrealistic expectations, that eventually his foreskin will retract, and of course the sex topics (which is a necessary talk at his age, there _are_ 12 year olds having sex). Consent, safe-sex, what sex is for, appropriate places to do it, being ready, etc.

There is a good chance your son has no desire to talk to you about it, simply because you're not male. My son is super close to his mom but all the sex related questions go to me and he hates when I have to ask my wife something that I'm unsure of. So if he needs a conversation it may be best to come from another male, and it doesn't have to be his father. 

Some of this stuff he will figure out on his own but I think a conversation is still a good idea, because yeah he probably does have other sources of information but they most likely aren't the best ones! Even sex ed can cause more harm than good. If there is something you want your son(s) to know, then it has to come from you or someone you trust.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I have 3 boys from ages 9-27. They will figure it out. Mom does not need to teach them or tell them anything about draining their balls. They will be humping everything and anything. The only conversation that needs to be had to is about safe sex and pregnancy and how that could ruin their life. If you want to really help them, turn them on to some videos by Richard Cooper.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

LilSicilianMaMa said:


> *My oldest son (who’s 15 yrs old) Told me about how he caught his little Brother (age 12 years old) masterbating in his room, so I had the “it’s a normal thing/ don’t let anyone shame you for it” kinda talk with my youngest son, but I’ve noticed he’s in his bedroom ALOT with his door shut, so I texted his father and asked him to talk to him about it but I don’t think his father will (there dad is one of them Do nothing, pays nothing for their kids types) So if he don’t talk to him then me being his mother will have to talk to him, and I have no clue what to say to my 12 year old son, ANY advice Anyone can give me will help me tremendously. Thanks *


You've already said what needed to be said. What, are you trying to slow him down or something? One thing you definitely need to do is be sure that he cannot access porn on any of his electronics. You can put a block on there. You can tell him that you don't always want him to have his door shut when it doesn't need to be.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

God, I can only imagine the awkwardness of my mom trying to talk to me about my masturbation habits. Some things are best left unsaid. Unless he's jacking it in front of others, just leave it be.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Enigma32 said:


> God, I can only imagine the awkwardness of my mom trying to talk to me about my masturbation habits. Some things are best left unsaid. Unless he's jacking it in front of others, just leave it be.


I think the sentiment here is spot on. Mom doesn't need to discuss everything in life with the kids.


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