# Changing your last name with marriage



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I had an interesting conversations with the Girlfriend over lunch today. A friend of hers is getting married next month and we are attending together out of state. Today she mentioned that her friend would not be changing her last name after marriage. She didn't understand why and I honestly don't either. Some of the common reasons are not present such as keeping the last name of her kiddo or being a famous person. Just decided not to change the last name.

I know some women don't and just wondered why. Thought I maybe could get some perspectives on why some of you chose to change your last name or not.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

Lots of women do not change their name for professional reasons.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> I had an interesting conversations with the Girlfriend over lunch today. A friend of hers is getting married next month and we are attending together out of state. Today she mentioned that her friend would not be changing her last name after marriage. She didn't understand why and I honestly don't either. Some of the common reasons are not present such as keeping the last name of her kiddo or being a famous person. Just decided not to change the last name.
> 
> I know some women don't and just wondered why. Thought I maybe could get some perspectives on why some of you chose to change your last name or not.


I didn't because I couldn't fathom giving up my family name. It felt like a loss of identity to change it. I'd had it all my life, you see. It was in no way, for me, any reflection on how I felt about my husband, but a very clear assertion of my relationship with my inner self. 

At first I would correct people when they'd refer to me with my husband's last name, but quickly gave that up. I don't mind if people assume I have the same name as he does, and usually it really doesn't matter to me. What matters is that I still have the name I was given the day I came into this world. 

My husband never had an issue with it--I've asked him a few times over the years. It's fairly common for married women of my age (40's) to have kept their own name, although I have heard that it is a trend that seems to have peaked and is reversing.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

*Re: Re: Changing your last name with marriage*



GettingIt said:


> I didn't because I couldn't fathom having giving up my family name. It felt like a loss of identity to change it. I'd had it all my life, you see. It was in no way, for me, any reflection on how I felt about my husband, but a very clear assertion of my relationship with my inner self.
> 
> At first I would correct people when they'd refer to me with my husband's last name, but quickly gave that up. I don't mind if people assume I have the same name as he does, and usually it really doesn't matter to me. What matters is that I still have the name I was given the day I came into this world.
> 
> My husband never had an issue with it--I've asked him a few times over the years. It's fairly common for married women of my age (40's) to have kept their own name, although I have heard that it is a trend that seems to have peaked and is reversing.


I had a close girlfriend who felt the same and chose not to take her husband's last name. He didnt care. Her reason was for the same one you mentioned. Also, it was just her and her sister in the family (no sons) and her sister already married and gave up her maiden name. So she mentioned knowing that if she didn't hold onto her maiden name then it would disappear off the family tree at that point. 

She has since had kids and her kids have a hyphenated last name. Ex: Boy Husband LN-Wife LN.

To each their own. 

I was pregnant at the time we got married and was going through a lot of medical crap. I found it to be a huge hassle right before we got married to have to explain to everyone that he was my fiancee and to make sure he had rights to my medical records and things like that. (Things like checking in at the hospital where he'd have to show his I.D. and the different last names were a cue that we weren't married.) I couldn't wait to be married and change my name to get away from that hassle. I know that's pretty uncommon for most people to go through but for me it was important that society automatically recognized that we were husband and wife even by name recognition alone. 

Now I don't feel so strongly about it as I did during that time of my life but no regrets at having done it.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

Back in my "Never Want to Get Married" and strong feminist days, I used to joke that I would marry a man who would agree to take my name. No guys took me up on that one, LOL!

I did change my name when I got married, but I kept my maiden name as a middle name and go by my maiden name at work. To me, this is the best of both worlds.

I am happy to have the same last name as the husband and son. We are a family and it works well.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

It never crossed my mind NOT to take hubs last name. I don't think I would REALLY feel like his wife if I would have kept my maiden name. This comes from a woman who used to (High School) practice writing Mrs...... over and over and over.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I used both last names. 

That way I did not have to change my name at work, on accounts, legal documents, etc. 

I used the two last names on our joint account.

The reason I did this is that I was known professionally with my maiden name.

The women on my mother's side of the family have been keeping their maiden name (using both last names) as far back as the 1700's. So it's nothing unusual from my perspective.

There are many cultures in which women do not give up their maiden name. This is especially true if she's from a family of influence/wealth.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think it's cool, GettingIt, that you kept your last name and it did not bother your dh at all. 

I thought I would keep my own name when I got married, but about a week before I was thinking how maybe when we had kids, they would like it if we had the same last name. And I asked dh if he would take my surname, but he said no. He did not insist I take his name, but definitely communicated that is what he wanted. 

I ended up taking his name. Simpler that way, I felt.

It's kind of a pain. It is a French name, with two words, and it is mispronounced here and in France. It is from Brittany, and so the pronunciation is not traditional French. What a pain.

And because it is two words, sometimes people get mixed up and only use the last part, or put it together instead of leaving a space, and so they think you aren't registered when you are, or something like that.

It is kind of crazy. I am not French at all, but I have this French name.

Why did I do this again?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I loved changing to DH's last name. His whole name is really sexy to me for some reason and his last name goes perfectly w my first name:-D

I don't have an opinion on ladies who don't change their name. It's a personal choice made for different reasons. Some ladies keep their last name to honor their father if the family had no boys to carry on the name.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I took H's name. It's a super long ugly name and I secretly regret it. I tried to get him to change his name, but no go. I miss my old name. My parents chose something that went well with my original name, there was definitely a flow. My married name is clunky and awkward.


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

If I did not have a brother to carry on my family name, then I would not have changed it when I got married.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My maiden name is sort of long and often misspelled. But I didn't drop it when I married. As is common here, I simply added my husband's last name - First Middle Maiden Married. 

Unfortunately, my ex-husband's last name doesn't really work well with my first name. Said together, it rather sounds like the name of a regionally common flowering plant, or like the name of a famous musician. I've had to master the art of the brief pause between my first and married last names to avoid people saying things like, "Really? What were your parents thinking?" or "Wow, that's so *******!" 

My mother urged me to go back to just my maiden name when I divorced, but I wanted to keep the same surname as my son.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> My husband informed me that I would have no hyphenated name....and I totally agreed. I went from a 4 letter last name to a 15 letter last name...I did kid him and ask him to take mine...


Wowwwwww! 15? Woww!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I didn't. And it's probably a good thing cause I got divorced.

My reasoning was always that I didn't feel like changing my passport/info/identification info. People still referred to me as Mrs. X (his last name). I even went by that sometimes but there was just no legal name change.

My ex husband's mother only changed her last name in a bout the thirty-fifth year of her marriage or so.

One of my colleagues is on her third marriage and she changes her professional email everytime. It's annoying because I never know which email to send information to. Four different names pop up for her in my email box to pick from (including her maiden name).


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

over20 said:


> It never crossed my mind NOT to take hubs last name. I don't think I would REALLY feel like his wife if I would have kept my maiden name. This comes from a woman who used to (High School) practice writing Mrs...... over and over and over.


I feel very similar to this.. at the very heart of my being ...I am an old time Romantic...with this comes "Traditional" roots...

For me, taking my husband's last name is representative of our officially becoming "ONE"...before all of our family & friends....what an exciting moment when the Pastor announces "May I introduce you to the new Mrs & Mrs ______ "...a moment a woman longs for...to me, I see Honor in this....I am now, in every way, an extension of my husband .. on paper... in heart...with the bearing of children...and someday on a Gravestone...

We've never had separate bank /checking accounts or anything either, we're an all the way "joint" couple. 

Who I was would always be with me... in spirit /memories......but now...I have become a Wife...soon to be a Mother of this man's children..










Honestly, if I wanted to keep my Maiden name & not take his...I believe my H would have questioned if I was the right woman for him.... he just wouldn't have liked that at all.... But that's all good...really such a thought never even entered my brain....till I came to TAM and read posts of women who wanted this...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The family smiley is adorable, SA.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> For me, taking my husband's last name is representative of our officially becoming "ONE"... I see Honor in this....I am now, in every way, an extension of my husband .. on paper... in heart...with the bearing of children...and someday on a Gravestone...
> 
> We've never had separate bank /checking accounts or anything either, we're an all the way "joint" couple.
> 
> ...


This is how I felt when changing to DH's name.It's funny to me bc I am not a traditional kind of woman but this is one marital tradition I couldn't deny wanting.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> I did kid him and ask him to take mine...


I have have business acquaintance in Germany who flipped a coin with his new wife to see who kept their last name. He lost and is known as HisLastName-HerLastName. She is just HerLastName.

My wife didn't take my last name. We work in the family with my sister who wasn't married at the time. My wife and sister have compound first names. The two names are reversed but it immediately caused confusion. 

Bothered me a bit at first but couldn't care less now. I equate with some people not wearing wedding rings.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Soon as I changed my name I ordered the CUTEST address labels.It was thrilling LOL 
Every time I go old fashion and mail a check I smile when I see the labels


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

This is one of those things that I think I would like to say wouldn't bother me if my STBW didn't take my name, but deep down, I think it would. I think that is partly, or in large part, my feelings butting heads with modern ideals that women should be independent, don't need a man, and all that.

My STBW and I have talked about this, and for her, there was never a question, it was her absolute desire to take my name, so it's not something I have to explore.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Stonewall said:


> Wowwwwww! 15? Woww!


I actually know a couple (Pastor and his wife) whose last name is 13 letters long lol. He is Greek.  Only a few of us from our church were able to pronounce it correctly.

As for taking my husband's name... there was no question about it. I wanted to. I love my dad. I love my family, but for me, taking my husband's name symbolized that my loyalty was now with him... that we are now one. It was the same for my sisters as well. We each took our husbands' names, but have honored our parents, our family, in other ways. And we have no brothers.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

CharlieParker said:


> * I equate with some people not wearing wedding rings.*


And this is something we don't always do, he can't wear his at work-not allowed... and I don't like jewelry on my body when I am at home ... plus my fingers swell a little in the mornings.. so I only put them on when we go out.. if I don't hand him his..he'd never wear it....and yeah.. some would be wholly offended by this, take it very personal..because of what it represents...

Yet me & husband think nothing of it at all...funny how different people are...we may feel very strongly in one area then think almost nothing in another.... really it's all a matter of the heart... and you & the wife got that going strong Charlie !


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Soon as I changed my name I ordered the CUTEST address labels.It was thrilling LOL
> Every time I go old fashion and mail a check I smile when I see the labels


Address labels can be a lot of fun, they allow you to put your dogs & cats on there...so many creative ideas & so many websites !!...We used to have a label like this...then we had another baby... I had trouble finding a label where they allowed 8..


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

This is going to sound terrible but I miss my old last name. In fact after we were married I put off legally changing my last name to his for a year.

My credit card still has my maiden name, and I use my maiden name for my business. 

My maiden name is beautiful, and matches my first name well.

My new last name is ugly, and is hard for me to say because of my lisp.  

I'm a secretary and have to say my name a lot. I kid you not I have to spell out my last name nearly every time, usually numerous times before they understand what I am saying. 

Husband was adamant that I take his name, and I did want to because I am proud to be his wife, and be married into his family. His family name is well known and respected around here, my maiden name is not so good. lol. 

Every time I write my name now I miss my maiden name. I don't think I'll ever get over it. But I deal with it.

I do regret not changing my middle name to my maiden name.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Soon as I changed my name I ordered the CUTEST address labels.It was thrilling LOL
> Every time I go old fashion and mail a check I smile when I see the labels


I have a shirt with that logo on it and my married name.


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

My wife initially was not going to change her name cause her daughter has her last name and didn’t want to make things even more complicated. I was more than fine with that as I said changing your last name is your decision doesn’t change anything with us. She ended up doing it but making her maiden name now her middle name. 

The funny thing is now her middle and last name is my full name by her doing that though. It does make people do a double take at times.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

It was a really hard decision regarding whether to change my name when I got married. Ultimately I chose to, primarily because it was a visible sacrifice to the creation of our little family. Since kids were absolutely off the table, having the same name seemed like a reasonable concession. So I ended up dropping my original middle name, taking my family name as my middle name and adopting the ex's last name. I figured the only time my old middle name was ever used was when I was in trouble, so it was the mildest loss. I do tend to use all three names or at least include the middle initial on day-to-day things. My family name never went away that way, which seemed important in terms of my self-identity, my longstanding interest in geneaology and frustration in losing trails when women get married and being one of two daughters.

Now that we're divorced, it was such a pain in the tookis to change my name the first time, I told the ex that I'd have to either hate him a lot more than I do or love somebody else a lot more to ever change my name again. On the bright side, ex's name is not at all common, I believe only the five of us in town have it. Makes it handy getting out of speeding tickets, at least


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

My family also had no boys except my father. So my beautiful last name dies with my father.  Sadness.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Of course my ex wife, who still hasn't changed her last name back to her maiden name is in the process of attempting to legally change my children's names to her maiden name...


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

When I married 47 years ago, there was no option. If you were married then you took your husband's name. My maiden name is a slightly complicated, though short, French name. My married name was a very simple, equally short, English name that I never had to correct the pronunciation of. In many ways, I preferred my married name but when I divorced I wanted back the name I was given at birth. 

Taking your husband's name is Western tradition. When women were chattel -- a husband's property. If I marry again, and that's a real possibility, I'm not changing my name.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

I didn't change my last name simply because it didn't sense to me why I would. Just before my daughter was born me and my husband meshed our last names so that our daughter would have have the same surname as us and double barrel would be complicated (neither of us had names easy to pronounce, would have been a nightmare for her lol).


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> The family smiley is adorable, SA.


Lol,

All the time I was thinking " _family emoticon_"

Thanks for the correction JB!


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Interesting,

I might not change my name if I married again - since I want my child to have the same last name as me.

When I was divorcing my ex wanted me to take back my maiden name - I said fine but only if our son does the same and takes my maiden name


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Legally speaking, and in most American jurisdictions, the husband can actually take the wife's last name! And the kids can as well!

Strange, but true!*


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Legally speaking, in most jurisdictions, the husband can actually take the wife's last name! And the kids can as well!
> 
> Strange, but true!*


In most jurisdictions, anyone over 18 can change their name to just about anything they want, anytime they want.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

arbitrator...why is that strange?

Anyone can legally change their name to anything they want.

I knew a woman who legally changed her name to Green Buddha.

I love my husband's first and last names, and was happy to change mine. We've only been married 4 years and I am still giddy like a newlywed about it.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I don't see that it matters much one way or the other. Personal preference and all that. However I think it can get a little complicated sometimes if you end up having a different last name than your young children.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I have a hyphenated last name. My maiden name and married. The kids have his last name (not hyphenated). My mother, whom is divorced from my dad, uses her married name with legal documents (it's over 1000$ to change your name here but when getting married you just assume the married name for free) and her maiden name for anything else.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> Of course my ex wife, who still hasn't changed her last name back to her maiden name is in the process of attempting to legally change my children's names to her maiden name...


My x tried this as well and lost in court. She still has my last name, she says cause she wants the same as the kids, but I know the real reason is because it bothers me. I hope the courts are as kind to you about this.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> My x tried this as well and lost in court. She still has my last name, she says cause she wants the same as the kids, but I know the real reason is because it bothers me. I hope the courts are as kind to you about this.


I am pretty sure she will lose in court because it spells out explicitly in our custody agreement that neither parent shall allow the children to be know by any different names. This hasn't stopped her from pursuing other things contrary to what is explicitly laid out. The courts have been hesitant to make her pay my legal bills for defending myself against these things though, so she keeps bleeding me...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wouldn't you also have to sign off on a form to have their names changed? That's how it is in my state.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Wouldn't you also have to sign off on a form to have their names changed? That's how it is in my state.


Yes. She is seeking to have that requirement waived because I refused to voluntarily agree.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Wouldn't you also have to sign off on a form to have their names changed? That's how it is in my state.


I'm honestly not sure about colorado. Was never mentioned in mediation. But seems like you should have to anywhere if you are a legal parent and a child, under 18, is having a legal name change.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Ms. Spin, albeit she’s one of dem’ “uppity liberated types”, was all too happy to take my last name as she was the child of a divorce and felt no particular attachment to her father or his last name.

With her being “uppity and liberated” I was somewhat surprised, however the suggestion of hyphenation wasn’t practicable as our two last names, spoken together, have a somewhat rude and sexual innuendo to them.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> arbitrator...why is that strange?
> 
> Anyone can legally change their name to anything they want.
> 
> ...


Indeed they can. I once worked in a court which was charged with the review and approval of name changes. The standard of review was fairly simple and straight-forward – nothing that would affect the perpetration of a fraud or crime – otherwise most anything was essentially granted.

I remember a plea, hand written on paper towels by an inmate about to be paroled, who wanted to affect a fresh start in life by changing his name to Bret Maverick.

Motion was denied.

True story.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> arbitrator...why is that strange?
> 
> Anyone can legally change their name to anything they want.
> 
> ...


*In most Texas jurisdictions, they'll try to pitch you some curves in doing that. For instance, if a bridegroom were to elect to take the brides last name, he has to fill out and sign an affidavit to that effect, then have it notarized and duly witnessed, and pay the county a fee for such, just like any standard name change. If they do the conventional marriage thing, then there is no other requisite paperwork for that!*


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## Mrs Chai (Sep 14, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> My reasoning was always that I didn't feel like changing my passport/info/identification info. People still referred to me as Mrs. X (his last name). I even went by that sometimes but there was just no legal name change.



This was my major reasoning as when I got married I had just recently renewed all of these things and did not want to go through that again. Additionally, most people assume you change your name.

I like my maiden name, so I have not planned on changing it. I told my husband if he wanted me to I would change it for him, but he does not care.

Though we have no plans for children in the future, I would give them my husbands last name as he is the only male in his family and that's a pretty big deal in his culture. And I have a brother who can carry on our families name (if he wants!)


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## BWBill (Jan 30, 2013)

My wife was married before and still had her x's last name.

It would have been a huge issue if she had wanted to keep it.


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## muffin1983 (Sep 1, 2013)

I didn't change my last name. My reason was; identity. I had been name at Muffin X for 28 years why would I change now? Also, changing your name is a western tradition, there are many women around the world who keep their last names.

My husband was a bit upset over keeping my name but got over it in a short time.

When we have children, they will get his last name, and my last name as their middle name. It's a good compromise.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> I had an interesting conversations with the Girlfriend over lunch today. A friend of hers is getting married next month and we are attending together out of state. Today she mentioned that her friend would not be changing her last name after marriage. She didn't understand why and I honestly don't either. Some of the common reasons are not present such as keeping the last name of her kiddo or being a famous person. Just decided not to change the last name.
> 
> I know some women don't and just wondered why. Thought I maybe could get some perspectives on why some of you chose to change your last name or not.


I changed it to his. It wasn't an identity issue for me. I wanted to and he was happy that I wanted to. 

My first cousin hyphenated his last name and his wife's maiden name, so that they both shared the same hyphenated last name. I thought that was cool.


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## owl6118 (Jan 30, 2014)

At the time we married, my wife was a journalist with a decade's worth of clips filed under her maiden name. It never occured to either of us that she would change it. Our committment was from the heart, we didn't feel it would be made any stronger by making her professional work hard for future employers to find. Admittedly, we also lived in a city and in social circles where this was common, even typical.

We did follow the tradition of giving our son his patrilinal last name only, with her maiden name as his middle name. He also has a different last name from her maternal family tree as his given name, too.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Every year of the 11 years married I have asked my wife to change her name. She hasn't....she has no excuse not to. I find it to be disrespectful after all this time.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I am one of the older broads here, so one could imagine that I went the way of tradition when it came to changing my name. I am coming up on 31 years married, 36 years together, so it's not as if older traditions weren't heavily in play back then.

Anyway, I never even considered changing my name. Truly never. If I remember my mindset at the time, I didn't think it made any sense to change it. After all, I thought, he's not considering changing his name, why should I?

The most memorable aspect of the whole thing was my father's reaction. Dad was an old-school alpha type who interestingly was also simultaneously pragmatic and superstitious. When I told him I wouldn't be changing my name, his reaction was, word for word:

"Aw, babe. We have such bad luck. Your husband is a golden boy. Take his name and bask in some of that. You know if you don't you're destined to have your name lost in some computer."

And dad was right. We all laugh about it. My cr*p always seem to get lost, ignored or overlooked by the powers that be. So, we gave our kids my H's name and they have inherited his good luck. All is right with the world.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I still haven't changed my last name(yet, but intend to eventually). I am waiting for a few different reasons, such as I wanted my degree to be in my maiden name(got married right before graduating), insurance issues, and a couple other things. I'll probably change my last name to match my husband and son this summer. 

I also have friends who are in the medical field and never changed their last name(too much trouble). I don't see an issue with it, although I always wanted to share my husband's last name(even though I am going from a fun/unique last name to a super common one).


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Must be another sign that I still live in Mayberry. I never heard of a woman not changing her name where I'm from. It's a topic I never hear mentioned.


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## IGSIMB (Dec 17, 2013)

I kept my maiden name as my middle name so I don't have to change my professional accounts. In my country we didn't have middle name so when I moved to states I kept my maiden name as my middle name. Our kids will have my H last name though.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

southbound said:


> Must be another sign that I still live in Mayberry. I never heard of a woman not changing her name where I'm from. It's a topic I never hear mentioned.


We'll I certainly don't live in Mayberry but I also don't know anyone personally that didn't take their husbands last name. I will meet the first one personally in two weeks . Was fun to hear some examples of why some women wouldn't


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

1st wife didn't change her name. Too liberated for that crap, and I was 19 so it didn't matter to me at all. 
Wife #2 didn't want to change her name, so I didn't ask her to. Later she started hyphenating it, and a few times, when it benefited her, she used my last name. But she was never really known as Mrs. DT. 
when W and I make it a legally recognized marriage, I want her to take my name, since she still has her last married surname and I don't want to have to keep saying that name the rest of my life. 

I used to get mail that was addressed to my first name and W#1's last name. That pissed me off. And even now, with W, she and her H had a grocery store discount card that she and I still use today. So when we get done checking out, the clerk always says, "Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Herlastname" Which really chirps my tires. We need to get those kinds of things fixed!

So, having had it her way two times before, this (last) time, if/when we make it legal, she'll be taking my name. She's not proud of her family anyway... Her initials won't change, and her first name goes well with my last name so that works for both of us. Both our first names start with the same letter, btw.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

I kept my maiden name and took my H's, but it's not hyphenated so my maiden name is legally a "middle" name now. Fitting it all into the little box at the DMV for my license was rather hard. First, middle, middle, last is 8, 6, 9, 6 letters. I did it for a number of reasons.
The first being that I am incredibly proud of my heritage and my very unique maiden name. If you ever met another person with the same name, they are a direct relative of mine. And by heritage, I don't mean because I'm so proud to be German, French, and Irish. I mean specifically my parents and immediate family. To drop that name would be like losing a part of myself.
Second is that my first two children carry my maiden name. I never want them to feel like they aren't a part of the family unit. They have since talked about having their names legally changed to my H's. They are 13 and 15 now so if they still feel the same in a few years, I'm all for it! As it is, they use his last name on everything from social media to school work. That's caused confusion in classrooms more than once!

I never even thought to consult my H on how he felt about it. While he's never outright said anything, he has made more than one indirect comment that leads me to believe that he is bothered with me retaining my maiden name as well as adding his.


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## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

I never cared if my STBXW took my last name but she hyphenated it. She goes by either her hyphenated name or just my last name. Originally, I'm from Belgium and the majority of women there keep their maiden names as their last names. I never understood why some men care so much if their wife takes their last name or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

It is very common where I live for women to keep their own name, seems way out of date for this to even be a topic of discussion and so much surprise to people.

I kept my maiden name as a middle name which is also very common. When I divorced I simply dropped the last name. It makes no difference to me that I have a different name to the kids, it just isn't an issue.

TBH I am shocked that people are shocked that a man might take his wife's name and that people there have to sign all sorts of paperwork to do so.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I never had an issue w/having a different last name than my son.I just accepted it.I didn't want to marry his father but I still felt he should have his father's last name.I made that choice as a teenager but at 31,I still feel I did the right thing. 

I do understand why ladies want to have the same last name as their kids but I think it's often made into a bigger deal than it should be. 


Meanwhile I just texted DH this morning that I still get excited when I get to say my whole name or sign for things w my whole name  I believe my exact text was "Signing for fedex is really awesome for me.Coolest name EVER." lol It's the little things


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Holland;8386825[B said:


> ]It is very common where I live for women to keep their own name, [/B]seems way out of date for this to even be a topic of discussion and so much surprise to people.
> 
> I kept my maiden name as a middle name which is also very common. When I divorced I simply dropped the last name. It makes no difference to me that I have a different name to the kids, it just isn't an issue.
> 
> TBH I am shocked that people are shocked that a man might take his wife's name and that people there have to sign all sorts of paperwork to do so.


Really? Where is that roughly if you don't mind sharing? I have lived all over the US at onetime or another, except east coast, and just not seeing that personally


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I also kept my maiden name as my middle name, so it went like this:

Suzy Marie Knick ---> married John Knack

New name: Suzy Knick Knack

When I got divorced, it was very easy to drop the married name and revert back to my maiden name, and there was no confusion because my maiden name had always appeared on all legal documents as my middle name anyway.

When I call my daughter's school or send in notes, I still used my married name. Just less confusion for the teachers.

Of course, I never thought I would be divorced. :scratchhead:


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I live in Aussie, Wolf. Not just the other side of the world but sometimes after reading TAM it feels like another Universe


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I never had an issue w/having a different last name than my son.


When we got married my wife was a German citizen. Knowing how the Germans love their paperwork she inquire with consulate what she needed to do and was told she would need to notify Bonn of her name change. She said she wasn't changing her name and asked what else she need to do. "Well, nothing BUT [in an incredulous tone] your children will be called something different".

Unrelated, we were married in England and never did any paperwork here. We've never had a problem with the marriage certificate from the Anglican Church but sometimes I wonder.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> When we got married my wife was a German citizen. Knowing how the Germans love their paperwork she inquire with consulate what she needed to do and was told she would need to notify Bonn of her name change. She said she wasn't changing her name and asked what else she need to do. "Well, nothing BUT [in an incredulous tone] your children will be called something different".
> 
> Unrelated, we were married in England and never did any paperwork here. We've never had a problem with the marriage certificate from the Anglican Church but sometimes I wonder.


This would have been my face if someone acted like that about my choice


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Holland said:


> I live in Aussie, Wolf. Not just the other side of the world but sometimes after reading TAM it feels like another Universe


Don't feel bad. I live in US and TAM is a place onto itself entirely. In this world no matter what your personal belief, convictions, feelings, opinions and thoughts are you can be wrong. It's really all about the education :smthumbup:


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

I hyphenated my maiden and married names. My reasoning is because I identified with my maiden name. Now that we're nearly 4 years in, I do enjoy being called Mrs. Married, for casual circumstances, instead of Mrs. Maiden Married.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Soon as I changed my name I ordered the CUTEST address labels.It was thrilling LOL
> Every time I go old fashion and mail a check I smile when I see the labels


Haha! You sound like me  I was so excited to get my first piece of official mail with my new name on it, I took a photo and posted it on FB, rofl!

Sad but true


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I'm an Aussie too Holland!! G'day! Rofl!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

G'day mate

ETA frusdil I like your posts on blended families, a topic that is very close to my heart and life


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My wife kept her own name. I was cool with that. Various reasons including the fact that she has been Doctor ... for so long changing her name would be stupid. 

When other people ask her why she hasn't taken my name she answers "Matt hasn't finished with it yet" or "I could take Matt's name, but, tell me, do I look like a Matthew, to you?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TurtleRun (Oct 18, 2013)

Kept my last name.... only because I am to lazy to get it changed. lol.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Didn't change my name, but did ask H to change his to mine. He refused. Kids have his last name and mine as a middle, which I thought was generous of me given his utter refusal to consider adopting my name.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

TurtleRun said:


> Kept my last name.... only because I am to lazy to get it changed. lol.


Me too.


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

I kept my maiden name and added my husband's, not hyphenated, I just have two last names now. I didn't want to lose my maiden name. I've had it so long and it's part of my identity. 

My sister-in-law is from Spain and she was insulted when we suggested that she take our family name when she married my brother. In Spain kids are named with a combination of their parent's surnames. So a child of Juan Armando Bautista and Maria Sanchez Duran would be named Deborah Armando Sanchez.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> When we got married my wife was a German citizen. Knowing how the Germans love their paperwork she inquire with consulate what she needed to do and was told she would need to notify Bonn of her name change. She said she wasn't changing her name and asked what else she need to do. "Well, nothing BUT [in an incredulous tone] your children will be called something different".
> 
> Unrelated, we were married in England and never did any paperwork here. We've never had a problem with the marriage certificate from the Anglican Church but sometimes I wonder.


Our daughter was born in Germany and the authorities refused to register the birth until we produced an official marriage certificate (no photocopies, natuerlich!). We had to send away to NY to get a copy and even then they couldn't believe that we had different names. Our daughter would be stigmatized, etc., etc. For all the years we lived there, this remained a logistical problem for us with our kids - filling out paperwork for anything related to the family was a challenge, to say the least. I actually carried our marriage certificate in my handbag because I never knew when I would need it, LOL.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I changed mine, got divorced... and have yet to change it back. I'm not adamant that I will or not, I am more apathetic than anything about it. I only sign my first name now, because during the divorce process I got sick of choosing with one to go by.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

My wife kept her name, I don't have a problem with that and never have. She calls herself Ms as well (when I met her she was a leading member of an active feminist group), incidentally our children have my surname.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

My W kept her name as her middle name. Both our kids have her maiden name as their middle names, with my last name.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

As my surname was much cooler than his, he mused with the idea of taking my name at one point. Despite thinking of myself as non-traditional, this seemed strange to me. Then we came up with the idea of starting fresh with a brand new surname for both of us. We had lots of fun and stupidity with those conversations.

And then, I don't know, something clicked and I wanted to be Mrs [Bruce] Wayne. Maybe it was us having fun with it and him giving me space to consider different options that lead to that point, who knows. I like that we are identified as the same family. My maiden name seems foreign to me now. It almost seems strange why I initially felt the need to cling to it. Although it has to be said that changing documents is a pain in the ass.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I know a couple that took part of the mom's surname and the second half of the dad's, merged them together and that is the last name of their children. Interesting...


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Pepper123 said:


> I know a couple that took part of the mom's surname and the second half of the dad's, merged them together and that is the last name of their children. Interesting...


Wow people will come up with some pretty creative things lol


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