# Should spouse call each nite when traveling?



## J9R (Apr 27, 2013)

Spouse was out of town this week. I appreciate nightly check in, phone call, text, whatever. I feel way to reconnect. None received last night, and none this morning until I sent text, to which fight ensued. Now back home, no one speaking. Married 10 years, is it too much to ask for a phone call? Does wanting call equate to lack of trust and control? Please give honest opinion.


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## kcait (Jan 31, 2013)

Absolutely yes. If you request a phone call/text then one should be given. If you've never made it clear you expect/desire one...being upset or uppity isn't fair. I dont think wanting a call equates a lack of trust...I think it's desiring connection before going to sleep. t brings a sense of peace when you know your loved ones are all okay and settling in for the night.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Absolutely !! I often travel once a month and I just cannot imagine myself not calling ?? To hear my wife's voice and 2 little boy's laughter to end my day would be unthinkable !!


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## dream_weaver (Jun 5, 2012)

My partner works away & I told him I needed to wake to a txt from him (he gets up earlier than me) & he feels the need to phone every night, I think it's important to respect the others' needs in relation to communication when they're away otherwise resentment can build up & when they get home or you speak next it ends in arguments which usually neither party wants.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

When I was pregnant with our daughter, my husband was staying 2 hours away with church members so he could finish tech school and graduate. He had a job lined up, so this was very important to finish, regardless. We saw him only on weekends. He called every night to talk to our oldest son and me before everyone went to bed. And, after our daughter was born, I would put the phone to her ear so she could hear daddy's voice.

After he started working, he had to go for a training seminar which lasted a couple days. Again, he called every night. I never once made the request, never "expected" it. For us, it was just a given... you're not home, you call to AT LEAST say good night and I love you.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

When my husband is gone for an extended time for work it usually means he's fighting brush fires, so yes I appreciate some kind of daily communication, whether a call or text, to let me know that he's okay.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

I would be very worried if my husband didn't contact me while he was away. Just a simple text would suffice if he were tired or busy. But something. We're a unit...we check in. He'd expect the same from me if I were away.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Yes, a call every night is more than reasonable. My H does call every night because he knows I expect it. But he's TERRIBLE with phone calls so the calls are very short. There's hardly anything he want to discuss on the phone except, "how are you doing? Everything okay? Yes, I'm fine. Yes I'm tired. No, let's talk about that when I get home. No, that's not somethiing to I want to discuss on the phone. Okay love you, baby. Bye."

He really doesn't focus on us on the phone so I just let it go and just put on a happy face [voice]. Even though we connect by phone it doesn't feel like we connect at all, but I just deal with it.

When he walk in the door, though that all changes so I just have to get through the days when he is gone. See how I'm rambling? It's cuz he's gone, day 3 of a 10 day trip. LOL!

As much as you can, try to let him come home to a pleasant home. Give him a big hug and smile; don't worry if he turn it down, still try. Make him just want to say "ahhh! I'm home." Mix it up sometimes too. Greet him at the door in your sexiets negligee. Make it a special home coming. I might just do that for this home coming. Yep.


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## J9R (Apr 27, 2013)

Thank you soccermom2-3..yours must be a FF like mine.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

J9R said:


> Thank you soccermom2-3..yours must be a FF like mine.


Yes he is. He usually works 24 hour shifts, sometimes two in a row for the overtime. He tries to text me a "What's up?" in the evening just to touch base. To be honest though, he didn't always do it. It's been better probably in the last year or two.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

J9R said:


> Spouse was out of town this week. I appreciate nightly check in, phone call, text, whatever. I feel way to reconnect. None received last night, and none this morning until I sent text, to which fight ensued. Now back home, no one speaking. Married 10 years, is it too much to ask for a phone call? Does wanting call equate to lack of trust and control? Please give honest opinion.


It's a surprising question. I've never not called my wife when out of town. I can't imagine a healthy situation where he wouldn't feel the need to call you at least before going to bed.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

If it is feasible, I think a call every evening is what both should plan. When I travelled for work, that is what I aimed to do. The only problem, being a European family, was when I was travelling in the US. Evening in Chicago can be the small hours of the morning in Europe. So sometimes I made a call at breakfast time from the US. But we tried to maintain frequent and regular contact as much as possible.

Sometimes the pressure of work could make it impossible when I was involved in high-level negotiations but that was only occasionally and if I foresaw that I would warn DW not to expect a call. We never went more than 48 hours without contact.


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## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

J9R,
Quite a coincidence as I almost posted the exact same question last night. I travel once or twice a year for business and wouldn't think of not calling at least once a day to check in. I always make a call at minimum at night before turning in.

This week my wife is away at a conference for only the second time in all the years we have been married (over 25 yrs). We have been talking regularly while she has been gone and I've been really missing her and looking for forward to her getting home.

Yesterday I hear from her around lunch time and when the conversation is done she says "I'll call you later on" as our expectation is a call before turning in for the night is required. It gets to be about 11:45pm and still no call so I text:

Me: waited up for a call or text.........
her: Sorry, just got back to room with roommates (she is sharing a room with a female colleague, they had gone to dinner with a group of people and were sitting in the lobby afterwords)
Me: Call me now
Her: OK

so of course she calls and she knows I'm a bit annoyed and we don't have a pleasant conversation although she is apologetic about not calling. She really couldn't speak too much as with sharing a room there was not much opportunity for privacy.

My point to her was how hard would it have been to give me a call at an earlier point to let me know what was going on and to check in? Now I'm still a bit pissed off and what I was looking forward to as a nice homecoming has been tempered a bit because of her inconsideration. 

So yes to your question, a call at nite to check in is required in my opinion.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

there might be mitigaiting circumstances. but yes I would expect a call, I know when I used to travel a lot, I could NOT wait to talk to my wife.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Talking at least once a day is a reasonable expectation. We find Skype helps too since we can see each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Why did your text result in a fight? What did your text say? Did he give you a reason for not phoning?

I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect a spouse to call when they're away from home, but I'm wondering why your text resulted in a fight, OP?


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## Snow cherry (Apr 24, 2013)

I'm away right now..been gone 7 weeks and won't be home for another 4. I call my H at 9pm my time which is 1 pm his time...he comes home at his lunch knowing I will call on the dot everyday. I think it's important.


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## J9R (Apr 27, 2013)

Apparently there are two parallel worlds and that is my EXACT siutation just the other nite that prompted this question; however, I never got the call...LOL

Hubby does call/text during day - and I don't need to know exactly when he's in bed; but a final nite call/text is warranted in my opinion. He knows I want it; so why withhold it. He thinks I'm controlling him by requesting it. I think he makes himself look bad when he doesn't provide it, esp. if he's still out with colleagues, to simply respond via text, "hey still out with guys we'll talk in morning.", etc etc. 

We too are now in argument - luckily he's now at station for 24 hours or we'd probably both be having a pissy Saturday. If you can text/call when you're at the station - being out of town is no different. He requires/asks that I do same when I am out of town. Can't have it both ways. 

Yes, "nice" and homecoming" did not fall into the same sentence with us last night....in fact yelling match ensued and now we're not speaking to each other. Perhaps 24 hr cooling off of being out of town is warranted (like that makes a lot of sense). 

Thank you SoxFan! Love it when I can get a male perspective, and it confirms how I feel. Now I know I'm not just being the crazy wife... 




SoxFan said:


> J9R,
> Quite a coincidence as I almost posted the exact same question last night. I travel once or twice a year for business and wouldn't think of not calling at least once a day to check in. I always make a call at minimum at night before turning in.
> 
> This week my wife is away at a conference for only the second time in all the years we have been married (over 25 yrs). We have been talking regularly while she has been gone and I've been really missing her and looking for forward to her getting home.
> ...


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I leave it up to my husband. Usually he is in such a remote area(fishing/hunting) its hard for him to call during the first years of our marriage. As the years went by, cell phones have gotten much better reception since they put more towers in and I get a call at least once a day, if not 2-3 times. My husband will travel to the most remote places in Alaska to go salmon fishing and hunting. He hunts deer and duck yearly as well. I love the food he brings back home, especially the salmon and venison. He only travels without me to go fishing and/or hunting. Otherwise I go with, even if its work related.

My husband calls me everyday at work to say hello and ask how everything is. I think it's super sweet since he is do busy at work and he takes time out of his busy day to say hello.

If my husband did not call while away at night, I would not be upset if it was just one night. I would be upset if he didn't call the entire trip or waited 3-4 days to call. I do like to hear from him at least every other day.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

When I am away, I can't imagine not calling my SO. We try to talk as much as possible. Always a good morning text, and several texts through the day, and at the very least a good night phone call that usually ends up taking at least an hour ending with you hang up, no you hang up, no you huang up


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Argued with my husband over this for years.

Fixed it with a bit of reverse psychology.

I let him go. 

If he did text I ignored it, if he did call I was busy and blew him off or didnt answer. in short I acted like I no longer cared whether I heard from him or not. Have a nice effing life is what I thought. I made plans with friends while he was gone and didn't tell him where I was or when I'd be home.

He didn't last a week. Lol

He calls now because I gave him a taste of what it feels like.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

SoxFan said:


> J9R,
> Quite a coincidence as I almost posted the exact same question last night. I travel once or twice a year for business and wouldn't think of not calling at least once a day to check in. I always make a call at minimum at night before turning in.
> 
> This week my wife is away at a conference for only the second time in all the years we have been married (over 25 yrs). We have been talking regularly while she has been gone and I've been really missing her and looking for forward to her getting home.
> ...


I'd feel the same way and would wonder what she's trying to prove to who?


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## J9R (Apr 27, 2013)

Love it! That's pretty much what I just told him. Told him that double standard is no longer going to fly with me. Thank you for the great answers and support!



Mavash. said:


> Argued with my husband over this for years.
> 
> Fixed it with a bit of reverse psychology.
> 
> ...


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

J9R said:


> Love it! That's pretty much what I just told him. Told him that double standard is no longer going to fly with me. Thank you for the great answers and support!


Don't tell him what you are doing or it won't work. In fact act like its not a big deal and don't say a word. Let your actions speak for you. I went so far as to load up the kids for a weekend getaway with a friend while he was out of town and didn't tell him. My kids ratted me out but it was still funny to see how stunned he was. I loved it!!


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## J9R (Apr 27, 2013)

Darn kids! Ours are grown, so it's just me and the furry children. Will def give this a try! 



Mavash. said:


> Don't tell him what you are doing or it won't work. In fact act like its not a big deal and don't say a word. Let your actions speak for you. I went so far as to load up the kids for a weekend getaway with a friend while he was out of town and didn't tell him. My kids ratted me out but it was still funny to see how stunned he was. I loved it!!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

J9R said:


> Darn kids! Ours are grown, so it's just me and the furry children. Will def give this a try!


Oh well shoot you've got this then. I heard my kids on the phone with him blabbing and just cringed. He later told me it bothered him....a lot.

The down side to this is its a risk. He may not care. I was prepared for that possibility are you?


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## J9R (Apr 27, 2013)

His reason was he was with colleagues. I stated I didn't need him to interrupt fun, a simple text acknowledgement would've done the trick.



Cosmos said:


> Why did your text result in a fight? What did your text say? Did he give you a reason for not phoning?
> 
> I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect a spouse to call when they're away from home, but I'm wondering why your text resulted in a fight, OP?


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

It depends on how often the spouse travels, and how the stay-at-home spouse feels about the absence. My husband has been gone for about 1/2 of our marriage (some say that is why we have lasted), but I expect him to check in every 2-3 days. Every day is too much for me.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

J9R said:


> His reason was he was with colleagues. I stated I didn't need him to interrupt fun, a simple text acknowledgement would've done the trick.


After I fired my husband he sat in his car in cold temperatures to talk to me on the phone. Every single night. 

Proved to me yet again people do what they want and don't do what they don't.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

J9R said:


> His reason was he was with colleagues. I stated I didn't need him to interrupt fun, a simple text acknowledgement would've done the trick.


:iagree: Or even a goodnight text.


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## Mandia99508 (Jul 15, 2010)

J9R said:


> Spouse was out of town this week. I appreciate nightly check in, phone call, text, whatever. I feel way to reconnect. None received last night, and none this morning until I sent text, to which fight ensued. Now back home, no one speaking. Married 10 years, is it too much to ask for a phone call? Does wanting call equate to lack of trust and control? Please give honest opinion.


How did you word the text? Did you victimize yourself?? Was it hostile?


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## J9R (Apr 27, 2013)

Hostile, no. Victimized, no. Bit of a smart ass, yes.


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## firefly789 (Apr 9, 2013)

My H travels about once a month. Sometimes for one day, sometimes for a few days. He always calls me at night. He even used to do it before cell phones, even if he had to use the pay phone. We talk for maybe 10 minutes just to connect. I think he would miss it more than me, although I would miss it too. What's up with your H? No you're not crazy!


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