# My partners deep anxiety and depression for our child



## misswyatt81 (Jul 19, 2012)

I am looking for some kind of hope really. I am so heartbroken, distressed and looking for positives to come out of this mess.
My partner Dave, of 3 yrs suffers deep anxiety when it comes to babies. We have a 5month old son and was due to marry in 3months time which has all been cancelled. Dave started getting panic attacks as soon as our son was born, he cried in my arms days after the birth scared he couldn't do it or be a good father. I reassured him he was already doing it and doing great! We have plodded along since then. We have an amazing relationship, just get on great and very much in love. Until about a month ago his mental state starting really going downhill. He was tired all the time, having chest pains, back and forth to the hospital with these heart problems, couldn't sleep, feelings of guilt, taking beta blockers for migraines and heart, withdrawn and quiet but assured me his love for me was never in doubt, then 2 days later he went to work and never came home and said he didn't love me anymore or felt love, happiness or anything for anyone, all he see's is negatives. He has been sleeping on his mums sofa the last 2 weeks, he is now on strong anti depressants from his GP and sedatives to help him sleep. He has been given Cognitive behavioural therapy and is attending 3 times a week (2nd session tonight) He took a small step by coming to visit me and our son for 2 hours last night and is coming again Saturday to spend a few hours together and paint the nursery for the baby. He said maybe next week we could have an evening alone.. this gives me hope but I can't shake the fear his loving feelings for me won't return. At the moment he says the home he just connects with negatives thoughts and feelings and doesn't feel love for anyone or anything and if he could he would throw his phone in a river and run away :-( I'm so sad, I want my wonderful, loyal, loving, romantic man back and for of course him to come home and battle this with me :-(


----------



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

As a person with anxiety I can tell you it's not lack of feeling - it's feeling too much and not being able to shut it off, therefore becoming overwhelmed. This may be what is happening to him, but I cannot be sure of that..

It seems like he is taking steps in the right direction, so I would advise being patient and supportive during this transition. I personally don't like the idea of medications myself, (even though I am currently on BuSpar), because they do numb you emotionally. This is okay for the short term, but not a permanent fix. It's good that he is starting therapy - encourage him to stick with it.

Hang in there... I'm sure some others here will be along shortly to add more advice and experience... And congrats on the new baby!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## misswyatt81 (Jul 19, 2012)

YinPrincess said:


> As a person with anxiety I can tell you it's not lack of feeling - it's feeling too much and not being able to shut it off, therefore becoming overwhelmed. This may be what is happening to him, but I cannot be sure of that..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey thank you. I am absolutly desperate for him to come home and work through this with me but he thinks he needs to do it alone. I just don't know. I am trying to be normal with him when he visits, calls or text and then breakdown crying when he's not around. On top of this there is worries with my father as he is slowly dying from chirros? of the liver. He just phoned me as I typed this to say his therapy went good tonight and they covered the children (he has a 7 yr old too and suffered anxiety the same with her at birth and left the mother when she was 2weeks old but they wasn't in love or any sort of relationship) He is coming for a few hrs saturday to spend time with us but dismissed the idea of an evening alone with me Saturday night x


----------



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Okay, I don't think that the fact he did this previously is a good thing... But hopefully he will work it out in therapy.

What is his relationship with his daughter like? How did he treat you during your pregnancy? How does he feel about kids/having kids in general?

Keep things hassle free, as you stated you were already doing... Putting too much on him will only push him away.

Is he helping you financially?


Hoping the best for you... Honestly surprised no one else has responded to this yet...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## misswyatt81 (Jul 19, 2012)

His anti d's are called serotonin and beta blockers are called Propranolol. Do these meds still block emotions? His relationship with his daughter is weekly, regular and fantastic, he's a great dad.
He had a vasectomy when our son was 5 weeks old. It made him clear in his mind, never again. through the pregnancy he was supportive and loving and has been up until about a month ago when he started withdrawing and yes anything I ask for moneywise he will provide. He really is a very decent man, just has this issue x


----------



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I don't know much about the antidepressants he's taking... But I came across this article while doing a quick internet search...

Drugs for Erasing Memory?

I am assuming he has a history of these types of issues? What is his past like?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## misswyatt81 (Jul 19, 2012)

YinPrincess said:


> I don't know much about the antidepressants he's taking... But I came across this article while doing a quick internet search...
> 
> Drugs for Erasing Memory?
> 
> ...


Well he didn't have a great childhood, father left when he was 7, he had contact with him but wasn't great.. mother struggled with 4children on her own and was violent to them all but very strangley they are all very very close to her now. She is a bit dodgy but has helped me wonders with the baby giving us nights off etc. The only issue of anxiety he has ever explained to me or I've seen is with babies! He is constantly on edge worrying the worst is going to happen to him. Sitting on the edge of his seat at night watching the baby monitor and messaging me through the days to make sure our son is ok while he's at work. I will look at that link x


----------



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Hmm.. This is definitely a job for a professional.

Interestingly, my husband also had extreme, overblown feelings about babies and pregnancy for as long as I've known him... I can understand a guy not wanting children - but he was very extreme about it, even refusing to have sex WITH protection! Of course, this seems to have become a self-fulfilling prophecy for him, as we became pregnant while using TWO contraceptives. (Our daughter was just meant to be here, lol) 

He had similar anxiety, but it was far less emotional. After our daughter was born he flipped 180 degrees, and was a very loving and attentive father after that.

It seems similar, yet different... I hope you report back regularly on his progress... As I am very curious what his therapy will reveal...

Best of luck to you... Sorry I couldn't be of more help!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## misswyatt81 (Jul 19, 2012)

YinPrincess said:


> Hmm.. This is definitely a job for a professional.
> 
> Interestingly, my husband also had extreme, overblown feelings about babies and pregnancy for as long as I've known him... I can understand a guy not wanting children - but he was very extreme about it, even refusing to have sex WITH protection! Of course, this seems to have become a self-fulfilling prophecy for him, as we became pregnant while using TWO contraceptives. (Our daughter was just meant to be here, lol)
> 
> ...


Hmm well our son was an accident conceived on the pill! I have 2 daughters also from my first marriage who are 11 and 9. He has just text me panicking because I said our boy was grumpy earlier with his teething... I don't know what to do, feel like I'm walking on eggshells now and just need to say 'yup he's fine' and brush over any minor details!!!


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

As I was reading further into your post it seems your husband has anxiety period, not just anxiety about your baby. At first, my first thought was if he has this much anxiety over a baby, then perhaps its a way to avoid helping you out and doing parental duties. BUT it seems she does have anxiety issues period. I hope medicines and serious therapy will help him.


----------



## misswyatt81 (Jul 19, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> As I was reading further into your post it seems your husband has anxiety period, not just anxiety about your baby. At first, my first thought was if he has this much anxiety over a baby, then perhaps its a way to avoid helping you out and doing parental duties. BUT it seems she does have anxiety issues period. I hope medicines and serious therapy will help him.


Hey thanks for your reply. He does stress himself but nothing like this with our baby. I have never seen him like this before in 3yrs. Thing is, he is fantasic with baby, he actually takes over when he comes in from work or at weekends and it's hard for me to get a look in. He feeds, changes and jumps up at the slightest whimper! He takes control
x


----------



## misswyatt81 (Jul 19, 2012)

Just an quick update.. He has ran off and left his phone and his mothers. He has been gone 2 days and has phoned his family to say he's ok but wont say where he is cos he needs time alone. I hope this works out for him and for us. I tried to call his therapist but they hadn't heard of him so I either have the wrong details or he's been lying about it and his meds, telling us what we want to hear. I do hope not!


----------

