# I have cheated and regret it i want my family back



## Omega1213 (May 18, 2011)

Ive read so many reasons why women cheat and in all reality alot of the information is true. 

I married my one and only first love and we have been together 15 years this coming month. We have been married 10 and a half years and have 2 young kids. My husband was loving romantic caring before we got married. Once we got married it kinda went downhill. All the things he used to do didn't come often anymore. I cheated the first time before we had kids. Nothing sexual more emotional attention. I was ready to leave him not for the other guy but because i felt i do deserve better i deserve attention. H apologized for the way he treated me and he admitted his faults in the marriage too. My H begged me back and it was good for a few years. We even had 2 kids after that. But than he went back to his old ways, i felt i was not important enough he was taking me for granted. Believe me i did everything i could to make the marriage work. Letters, arguments compromising to his benefit, planned things for us to do. He barely did anything nor planned anything he just got really involved with his hobbies. Again i became unhappy and unfortunately cheated once more. This time i went too far. I slept with this person twice. But after H found out about the cheating. Again i was ready to leave and just do me for the first time but again H begged me back and stated he doesn't care what happened he wants his family back. We have been living separately for 9 months but have been trying to work on our marriage. But he is really angry and bitter. I put up with it because these are the consequences of my actions. Through out this 9 months i also found out that he was also unfaithful to me throughout the 4 years he was in the military. He stated he didn't sleep with anyone but if that was the case why did i find out 8 years later. 2 of the years he was active we were dating but the last 2 we were already married. He feels it doesn't count because there were no kids involved. And mine matters because of the kids. I now see all these women friends on his Facebook and i see some flirting but he acts so defensively. He never once mentioned any women friends in the military and now im supposed to be OK with it. He never gave me the chance to be upset with the things he did because again mine is more current and worst. Why is he being double standard. Cheating is cheating regardless of kids, marriage or what not. If you are making excuses than you are as guilty as any cheater out there. At this time he wants a divorce. I wish i feel the same way but i know if we really wanted to we can make it work. Im torn. I don't know if i should just let it go and move on with my life or keep fighting for this marriage. How much more mental and emotional abuse am i suppose to take? i accept my faults i just wish he did too. Is there hope or am i just waiting my time. My kids are suffering because he only wants them when me and him are together but when we are not he doesnt want to do anything with them. I think this part is the most painful for me because there are kids involved.

Thanks for listening.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Do some research on just how often divorced husbands see their kids. I think it will surprise you. I saw my dad two or three times a year. Oh well they'll get over it (not). But it's what happens to kids with cheating parents.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

From what you tell it seems like your marriage is in a vegetative state on life support. There is too much pain and mistrust on both sides that it is impossible for your marriage to recover without the active and committed participation from the two of you. I would seriously consider pulling the plug on the marriage and concentrate on developing a civil, and cordial relationship with your husband post divorce. Your children deserve to have the two of you acting like adults and putting their best interests first.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Your husband married you while he was involved with OW. He did a cruel bait and switch and had a piece on the side while you were trying to figure out what you did to make him lose interest in meeting your emotional needs. He decieved and you for 4yrs and watched you suffer yet still did not come clean. He is punishing his children out of his bitter for 9 months which is a lifetime for kids and you are still considering reconciliation. I think you need a reallity check to snap out of your lassitude. 

If he thinks what he is doing is OK then he is incapable of love. Your cheating was as wrong as was his. However, he thinks that the deception and pain that he caused you was OK. That alone should make you run yet you try to R. 

This man is a poor risk for a happy marriage. He is unlikely to change his double standards nor to ask your forgiveness for what he did. He is also unlikely to atone for the pain he caused you and what he is doing to his kids. He may have a character disorder and need therapy. Good luck to hi

After 9 months you two are still wallowing in hurting each other and not owning the mess you created. Listen i feel you nerd to Protect your innocent children by closing the door on this. It is far better for them to have resolution that remain in tnis limbo of prolonged suffering and uncertainty. One of you has to show some concern for them, he is not capable so it is up to you. If you don't act in their best interest who will? Who is the adult here? 

How does this sound for a plan- put this relationship to an end, it was born of deception so it never really exited. Get your kids in therapy so they can recover. Tell them with the help of a therapist about the resolution of your marriage and about their father problem. Get IC for you. You chose a deceptive man who could not offer you intimacy. Why? You remained in the relationship and had kids why? 

After your divorce, get to know yourself and make you into the type of woman a man of quality will be attracted to. You need to develop a healthy sense of your value, and self-respect. Develop the self confidence it takes not to take any s**t from men and be a responsible protective parent to your kids, you will attract a man with simular qualities.

Would a women of the sort that I describe above allow a man like your husband to call the shots and leave you and your kids in this painful limbo for 3/4 of a year. Woman up and don't put your future and the future of your kids in the hands of a deceptive man who is so self absorbed that be hurts his own kids. Wake up and be an adult you are not helpless and dependant on men. So don't act like it. 

This is harsh but you need to make a move for kids if not for yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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