# Thoughts on contacting WWs AP



## pmiller (Jun 2, 2012)

I have given considerable thought to contacting OM. There is a possibility (although unlikely) that he doesn't even know I exist. 

What would I say to him? I can think of lots of colorful things to say, but it isn't entirely his fault. And if he doesn't know she is married (again, unlikely) I obviously can't be that mad at him.

Part of me wants to tell him he can have her and her f'ed up sense of morals. And if they stay together, be prepared to be where I am now. Another part wants to piss him off, maybe he would cut it off.. that would get her panties in a bunch!


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Sounds like you first need to figure out if you want your wife back. 

I'm a vindictive mofo, so I'd contact him.


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## WorkOnIt (Jun 6, 2012)

My WW's AP thought her and I were separated yet just living together until she could move out. It was news to me, because we were sleeping together daily, and in my mind we were in a rough patch that would iron itself out as each rough patch had before.
The AP probably on his own started to wonder why she could only come see him once a week for three weeks, why she couldn't go anywhere with him etc etc. He actually started to show up at her work etc, I'm sure just to see how she acted with me when I was picking her up from work. She was about to get a serious dose of double busted / whammy, had her guilt not taken over. I was on to her, and so was he. I do still want to see him suffer for things he said / did though. That's probably normal. For instance he was teaching her ways to take me financially to the cleaners.

Since I've offered a hand full of times to load her up and drop her off there, and she's refused every single time. See she started having feelings for the guy until she realized he was just using her for a piece of ass. 

He's still a douche in my opinion.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Who married you and took vows to be loyal to you? Him or her?


Forget about calling him, just divorce her and move on.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

He may or may not act surprised when you introduce yourself as the husband. After that, you could ask him directly if he knew she was married. If he says no, ask him how they communicated and how they managed to see each other and see what he says.

I always think that if a guy were to act weird with me ie, not give me his home number; always wants a last minute date; turns out be unreliable (I guess cause wifey came back a day early from her trip) and so on. My first thought is , the guy is married. 

I have trouble believing that other people put up with that behaviour and not wonder whether that person is truly available.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Don't do it. Either you're an adult or you are not. As Keko said, move on.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

You'd get much further contacting OMs wife or girlfriend to expose the affair, IMHO. Let revenge be, it never really gives the satisfaction one hopes it might...

What's the deal with your marriage? Are you two trying to save it? Is the affair still ongoing?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

WorkOnIt said:


> My WW's AP thought her and I were separated yet just living together until she could move out. It was news to me, because we were sleeping together daily, and in my mind we were in a rough patch that would iron itself out as each rough patch had before.
> The AP probably on his own started to wonder why she could only come see him once a week for three weeks, why she couldn't go anywhere with him etc etc. He actually started to show up at her work etc, I'm sure just to see how she acted with me when I was picking her up from work. She was about to get a serious dose of double busted / whammy, had her guilt not taken over. I was on to her, and so was he. I do still want to see him suffer for things he said / did though. That's probably normal. *For instance he was teaching her ways to take me financially to the cleaners.*
> 
> Since I've offered a hand full of times to load her up and drop her off there, and she's refused every single time. See she started having feelings for the guy until she realized he was just using her for a piece of ass.
> ...


What was he telling her so that we can protect ourselves.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Why contact the OM? He didn't give a damn about your marriage, why would he care what you have to say?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Some in the forum may differ.

In your marriage, it was your wife who cheated. Even if he knew you existed in a marriage with your so called wife, it was for your wife to stay within the boundaries, dear.

What will you achieve by contacting him?


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## WorkOnIt (Jun 6, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> What was he telling her so that we can protect ourselves.


He was an accountant.. Was teaching her basically how to not expose anything until she was actually moved out, otherwise I could use that in court, and screw her chances of taking half of anything. He was a douche completely, but he was unaware that we were still sleeping together.. In a way the last laugh is on him, because he was being very possessive telling her it was ok to stay where she was until she could afford to move out, so long as she didn't touch me blah blah blah... haha thinking about it, if he only knew.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

I did contact him to thank him, seriously. He relieved me of a great burden.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

He was an accountant.. ........

Oh dear, a late friend of mine was cohabitating. Even though he claimed not to want children, his live in account gf went ahead had a couple. (I know, after the first one he should moved on.....)

Anyway, my sister told me that the live in gf knew that she could remortgage the house with only his name on the debt while taking his name off the deed. And so she did, and he had no idea of it. 

Being kicked out and having so much debt led him to spiral down in drugs. It makes me sad thinking about it.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Let's see, this is OM#7.


She banged your roommate (OM1) when you went out of town before you got married.
She lets some guy who works across the hall from her store spend the night in your apartment. He supposedly slept on the couch. Sure.
She has an online EA with some guy from Egypt who refers to her as his wife. Call this guy OM3
She's mad at you on your wedding night because once again, she feels you didn't give her enough attention because she's so needy.
She has a PA with OM4, the one you went urban exploring with.
She gets a job working nights and has a PA with the carpool guy,OM5
She has an EA with a friend of yours, 15,000 text messages to him alone in one month. That's OM6.
She has a PA with the guy she met on a weight loss website, OM7

And from your original post:



pmiller said:


> A couple weeks ago, I am out of town for work and have a feeling something just isn't right. After I get back, I discover (because I was snooping again) that *the guy she has been talking to came to visit her. He came almost 1400 miles to see her*. This is defiantly something that was planned out in advance. *There are pictures of them together, hanging on each other like a couple teenagers in love*. *There are pictures of them kissing. And there is a picture of her, in his hotel room putting her pants on.* I asked her if she was seeing someone. *She laughs and said no*. I asked her if she has slept with someone else, again, *laughing* and a no. But that one was a little different. More of a nervous *laugh*. I confronted her about what I had found. She denies sleeping with him. She says she needed to changes her clothes because they were dirty. I asked her why they were dirty and *she just laughed*. No answer. I asked her why she would have a change of clothes with her at all. More *laughter* and no answer. She still denies it and won't tell me anything more. She told me that he doesn't even know that she is married. That was probably another lie, *I heard her talking about me to him*. Maybe she referred to me as her Ex, but I don't know. Most likely she didn't tell him she's married. After all, *she told me that there is nothing left for her in the marriage. It is dead and needs to be buried*.


You don't see where the problem is, do you? Its your WW. She was NEVER that into you from the beginning. You overheard her talking about you to the OM#7. Get this: If it wasn't him, it would have been someone else. Another man would have been OM#7. 

I'm just presenting the facts as you have described them. *Sorry, but she's laughing at you*.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

WorkOnIt said:


> He was an accountant.. Was teaching her basically how to not expose anything until she was actually moved out, otherwise I could use that in court, and screw her chances of taking half of anything. He was a douche completely, but he was unaware that we were still sleeping together.. In a way the last laugh is on him, because he was being very possessive telling her it was ok to stay where she was until she could afford to move out, so long as she didn't touch me blah blah blah... haha thinking about it, if he only knew.


I think your wife is more despicable than anything the OM did. The OM only bought what your wife sold him. I don't think what he did was entirely wrong. He assumed that you were some controlling ******* that your wife was separating/divorcing from. He gave her a financial advice to get half of everything and was asking her not to touch you(as she told him that you were separating). I don't see anything outrageously wrong with it(except for starting a relationship with a separated but not yet divorced woman)


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## WorkOnIt (Jun 6, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> I think your wife is more despicable than anything the OM did. The OM only bought what your wife sold him. I don't think what he did was entirely wrong. He assumed that you were some controlling ******* that your wife was separating/divorcing from. He gave her a financial advice to get half of everything and was asking her not to touch you(as she told him that you were separating). I don't see anything outrageously wrong with it(except for starting a relationship with a separated but not yet divorced woman)


Yep... But he did call me a ****HOLE.

I dare him to say that to my face..

He'd be spitting chicklets for a long time, and will be if I ever see him.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Let's see, this is OM#7.
> 
> 
> She banged your roommate (OM1) when you went out of town before you got married.
> ...


Didn't realize OP had so much drama going on in life; usually I don't touch these posts...

Good luck, OP.


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## pmiller (Jun 2, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> What's the deal with your marriage? Are you two trying to save it? Is the affair still ongoing?


Honestly, I have no idea.. she basically told me last weekend that she was on the fence. Trying to decide what she wanted. And yes, she still talks to him, they exchange dirty pics blah blah f'n blah.

As far as contacting him and getting revenge.. not really what I am going for. If he doesn't know about me, then he deserves to know the truth. He may or may not care.. doesn't really matter to me. I don't think he is married tho, so letting his W know won't be happening.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

pmiller said:


> he deserves to know the truth.


:slap:


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## pmiller (Jun 2, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Didn't realize OP had so much drama going on in life


Yea, it's been a little slice of heaven


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Just talk him and tell him what is happening as a matter of fact. Don't get emotional. Ask him if he knows about you. If he doesn't, tell him that he is the 7th guy that she cheated you on and you called to warn him about her lies. Wish him good luck and end the phone call.


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## pmiller (Jun 2, 2012)

keko: so you disagree that if didn't know about me then he doesn't deserve the truth? isn't that what people on this board are all about?


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## pmiller (Jun 2, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Just talk him and tell him what is happening as a matter of fact. Don't get emotional. Ask him if he knows about you. If he doesn't, tell him that he is the 7th guy that she cheated you on and you called to warn him about her lies. Wish him good luck and end the phone call.


pretty much along the lines of what I was thinking


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

You have nothing to lose if you tell him and besides, he might be an innocent party in all of this so he deserves to know the truth.


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## pmiller (Jun 2, 2012)

Complexity said:


> You have nothing to lose if you tell him and besides, he might be an innocent party in all of this so he deserves to know the truth.


I'm surprised _you_ agree with me..lol


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Just talk him and tell him what is happening as a matter of fact. Don't get emotional. Ask him if he knows about you. If he doesn't, tell him that he is the 7th guy that she cheated you on and you called to warn him about her lies. Wish him good luck and end the phone call.


And don't forget to ask him for some tips on how to short your WW.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Not sure if contacting the OM will do anything. Cheaters are liars. Yea part of me would like to talk to the OM but I do not see the sense of it. Typically what I have read on here over the past several months is generally you get nothing and if you lose control you butt may end up in jail. It is a crap shoot and I would not do it.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

pmiller said:


> keko: so you disagree that if didn't know about me then he doesn't deserve the truth? isn't that what people on this board are all about?


You're making it sound like he is the innocent party therefore he 'deserves' to know.

Since you're wife is flirting/maybe more with this guy, why didn't you kick her out yet? Even just changing the locks and putting her stuff in garbage bags outside of the door will do more then what the legal system can do.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

lordmayhem said:


> Let's see, this is OM#7.
> 
> 
> She banged your roommate (OM1) when you went out of town before you got married.
> ...




Seriously? That's messed up....beyond serial cheating....she's sociopathic or something. Or maybe like MattMatt's ex with Aspergers. No remorse, will never change.... Stop wasting your life and leaving it up to her what's going to happen. She's supposedly on the fence yet still sexting this last guy? That's not sitting on the fence. She's completely on the opposite side from you laughing her way out into those greener pastures....

Let her go....she will never love and respect you the way you need her to. Sorry man....


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

Don't bother contacting the OM. He's not worth it.


My WH told me I could contact OW if I wanted to confirm what he said about when the A started, that he was the one to end it, etc. I looked at him like he was insane and told him I am not talking to some Skank about MY marriage. Some immoral wh0re, that sleeps with married men, was not going to get the satisfaction of a phone call from me and no way was I going to lower myself to ask her questions about my marriage. He brought it up many times in the weeks following and I don't know if he had some sick fantasy about two women fighting over him because he knows I don't back down from confrontation but I was having none of it. I told him I had no desire to "confirm" anything with her and was not going to be listening to a word that came out of her lying mouth.


Although, admittedly I did send her an email when she began harassing me via email but that's because the trash had the nerve to involve my kids. My email was factual and to the point and I didn't engage in name calling, aside from telling her behaviour regarding involving our kids was despicable.

Anyway, I don't really think OM or OW's are worth it. They deserve to be treated like they are insignificant trash.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Zanna said:


> Anyway, I don't really think OM or OW's are worth it. They deserve to be treated like they are insignificant trash.


I have liked some contradictory posts on this page.

I guess here is my vote.

Ordinarily, OMs don't deserve the time of day.

But perhaps OM #7 does deserve a heads up, sort of a public service.

However, pmiller, why does the heads up have to come from you?

She is "on the fence?" Please read lordmayhem's succinct summary of her cheating history and (I mean this with great kindness to you who have been so wounded by her) you tell us: does she sound like someone who is "on the fence" to you?


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Logically, I don't think that contacting him nets you anything.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Unsure in Seattle said:


> Logically, I don't think that contacting him nets you anything.


Well, that's selfish.....to not do something because there is no personal gain when the OP might be doing the OM a favor.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

If his WW is as easy and sleazy as that list of OM's indicates, I highly doubt OM#7 is some sweet, classy man looking for a real relationship or some reserved, clueless College Professor who is being taken for a ride. I'm guessing he's in it for the easy and cheap sex. You attract what you put out there so unless OM has a wife that needs to know what her hubby is up to, I'd forget about him.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

How many other men? 7? 8?

I suppose the problem isnt the wife who's a serial cheater.


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