# Silent treatment.



## Now and forever (May 7, 2013)

My H and I have been together 19 yrs married 12. No children. Not because we didn't want them. We both turnt forty in the past six months. On 12/1/13 he blew me away out of the water when he said he wanted to seperate. We weren't arguing, we had never raised our voices to each other. He had been very stressed with work and, money issues.
He is insulin diabetic and at Christmas time they changed his anxiety antidepressant medication and whala. Complete personality change. Got angry and volatile with everyone. 
He told me a week later he just didn't think he loved me anymore and at the moment it is over and he didn't know who he would feel in 3/6 months time. 
However the first 4 weeks of our separation were a disaster we were living together I was an emotional wreak and he just got angry. We really did for the first time start to fight. He changed locked on the door to the office. Took wheels of machinery. We have a 30 acre property. Moved into the caravan. He would not look or talk to me. I would be trying to get him to open up. But made him clamp down instead. 
Six weeks into separation I felt no choice but to move out. He now says that I left him. But he repeatedly said it was over and he did not love me. 
Since this separation he has not messaged me or rang me. I have done all the communication. For the past weeks now I have been travelling and have not messaged or rang him at all so have to heard from him. 
No one could believe this when it happened. His family ask me to stick by him regardless of what he says. Hoping he will snap out of it. There is not and still not another woman. 
He thinks I have gone around telling people that he kicked me out and that he is out to rip me off. 
Just don't kow what to do. This man was my best friend, lover, husband. And turnt on me overnight. It was like he has an emotional breakdown. So gutted still. 
My intuition tells me this is not over and just give him time. But he thinks he is on top of the world right now.


----------



## Lewis1973 (May 3, 2013)

A lot of similarities with my wife - together 20, married 12, both almost 40.

What I have learnt in the last month is that what I see as heart breaking seperation only broken by the occasional email I send once a week saying "ready to talk yet" is seen by her as "my god, all I need is a few weeks off and yet all is does is email me all the time"

I chatted to a friend in a bar last night and he said he would punch me in the face if I contact my wife again! When I first started on this site (last month) I thought I understood no contact.....I didnt, until now.

I was also talking to my wifes family....and so all she hears is "he's asking after you" - which might as well be another email i send!

I'm not using "no contact" any more...I'm "Going dark" Jack Bauer style. They need to have you out of their mind 100% before they realise you arent there......and start to wonder why.

He wont feel on top of the world when he's busy wondering where you are.


----------



## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

Sorry to read this. What is it with turning 40? I was always skeptical about Mid life crisis until the last 2 months when my STBXH upped sticks and ran off to the arms of a 22 year ago not 2 weeks after turning 40!

The going dark part is excellent advice- it's hard and brutal (I've failed a few times) and there will be more ups and downs to come, but this place is a fantastic place to come and vent.


----------



## Lewis1973 (May 3, 2013)

My friend gave me an excellent example of going dark and Now and Forever might find this useful given she is talking to his parents etc....

We were in the bar and he asked about the new car I got yesterday (merc SLK). I said it was in the car park and he asked if I wasnt worried about it (pub was in a rough area!) I said "no, I could tell it was still there" - he pointed out the car was out of sight from the window where we were sat - I said "Yes, but people walking across the car park keep looking over to where I knew I parked so it must be there if they're checking it out"

He said "you are your wife and the SLK is you" and he was right.....I thought I was out of sight but my fast responses to ANY email she sent, my constant skyping my kids and saying "hows mum", my talking to her parents....She knows EXACTLY where I'm parked! So has no interest in leaving the pub to check on me! 

So, Now and Forever - when you go no contact think of ANYTHING that you may be doing that alerts your H to where you are still parked! Go dark.....real dark!


----------



## Now and forever (May 7, 2013)

Real dark. Dark enough to leave my home town four weeks ago for some adventure on the road and deactivate my fb account. But true have spoken to his sister though not told her where I am. Disconnected from everyone at the moment except my mother. If he wants to know where I am I'm only a phone call away. First three weeks I was on fb a lot. This past week I deactivated it and stopped talking to a friend that I knw was feeding information between us. Big he wants o know where I'm at. He can ring me bb
On a personal note these forums do make u feel so much better as I thought I was the only person in the world this must of happened to.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

This sounds so much like my situation a a year ago. Husband stressed with work and money issues, on anti-depressants but slipping deeper and deeper into anger and despair. He left. Got involved with someone else. We are together now and things are great.

Someone needs to check his meds. For such an abrupt personality change to occur after a change in meds is a huge red flag. Make an appointment with his doctor. He can’t discuss your H, but you can tell him what happened. He needs to know and your H may not be in a stable enough state make the connection.

Dark is good at this point. You can’t talk to someone who is so far off balance. Be prepared though that if and when he does contact you, it may not be to discuss R. It may be about finances or the farm. Be friendly but detached. Don’t look needy by pouring out your heart. Show a strong woman who is capable of building a life without him.

Hang in there.


----------



## Now and forever (May 7, 2013)

Frost flower. Thank you. His mother and sister have both been to see his doctor with me. We have been three times. But h refused to believe he has a problem and just got angrier with both myself and his family. To the point of he didn't talk to his family for 6 weeks. 
I found out today that although I am on my long service leave, and left the town we live in and have been catching up with old friends and visiting places I have always wanted to go, THINKING I had GONE DARK he has actually had full access to all my e ails and Facebook accounts. He has read every message and chat I have had. I had given it no thought until someone contacted me how my h was aware of a certin private matter we had discussed and I told her we had had no intact for 6 weeks and she was like well he knew everything. REDFLAG was the point that our personal laptop I returned to him to retrieve photos from remembers my passwords. I HAD AT THE TIME NOTHING TO HIDE. So me thinking he did not knw where I was where in fact he has known the whole time...............


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Now and forever said:


> Frost flower. Thank you. His mother and sister have both been to see his doctor with me. We have been three times. But h refused to believe he has a problem and just got angrier with both myself and his family. To the point of he didn't talk to his family for 6 weeks.
> I found out today that although I am on my long service leave, and left the town we live in and have been catching up with old friends and visiting places I have always wanted to go, THINKING I had GONE DARK he has actually had full access to all my e ails and Facebook accounts. He has read every message and chat I have had. I had given it no thought until someone contacted me how my h was aware of a certin private matter we had discussed and I told her we had had no intact for 6 weeks and she was like well he knew everything. REDFLAG was the point that our personal laptop I returned to him to retrieve photos from remembers my passwords. I HAD AT THE TIME NOTHING TO HIDE. So me thinking he did not knw where I was where in fact he has known the whole time...............


So, he's reading here?

Hi Mr. Now and Forever.

Please go to Individual Counseling.

It will help you - immensely.


----------



## Now and forever (May 7, 2013)

It's quite possible he may of seen the email alerts. But now all passwords have been changed. I did go to counselling when it first all happened. But since I have been in the roadi have not been, He was not interested in counciling. He thinks that he does it have a problem or a issue.


----------

