# If both parties agree to marriage councilling, what are the odds of succcess?



## OzzieLost (Nov 25, 2010)

My posts are on this forum under '19 years marriage and wife says it's over!! '

As we are both in seperate councilling, my wife has at least agreed that marriage councilling may be possible once she clears her head..

Anyone with success stories/odds etc?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

My wife and I had great success with counseling. We were both able to get a better look at ourselves as individuals and then were able to better learn how to be a couple instead of two individuals.


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## OzzieLost (Nov 25, 2010)

Thanks for that DanF,

Anyone else care to comment??


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

my H and I have had a lot of success with counseling. i think it has been really good for my H. he resisted at first but now he actually looks forward to going.


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## butters416 (Nov 26, 2010)

my husband and I have been going to marriage counseling for a few months now. a lot of our bigger issues are resolved and we choose to keep going so we can keep our marriage in check. i hope it works out for you and your spouse.


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## OzzieLost (Nov 25, 2010)

thanks everyone. A little good news does miracles for my spirit and hopes...


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## DennisNLA (Jan 26, 2010)

Ozzie,

I read in your other thread that it your wife currently is having either an emotional affair or physical affair. Until she ends this, there is no use in counseling, as she is currently in a fog due to the affair. Look to break up the affair first and then counseling will have a better effect. Good luck.


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## OzzieLost (Nov 25, 2010)

Yeah thanks...........the councillor has already mentioned he is no threat and that he is feeding her void and at this stage no need to stop this online affair. I know it is only an online one as he lives overseas (thank God).

My wife is seeking also her own councilling to deal with her anger and emotional issues but this her now her priority. Once those sessions finish we will go back to the the marriage councillor and continue. But this could still be fews/months away until she has finished her own councilling.

It's just this emotional, i need time alone etc I am struggling with. Night time is the worst. I offered to sleep in the other bedroom but she said no need. I somehow feel its emotional blackmail but i dont want to stuff up any chance i might have......


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## amsmith (Dec 17, 2010)

As I've said in my post- my husband thinks of me more as a friend than his wife...I'm still completely in love with him. He is starting counseling today. Would it be better for us to go together or have him start out alone to help him sort his feelings and then go with him? (As of right now he wants to go alone)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

Sorry to say but marriage counselling did not work out for me 10 years ago and recently. It only works if both partners are able to be honest and forth right. My husband lies so even marriage counselling didn"t help. He says he lies to protect me from the pain of the truth but I know now it is also to protect me from the real man he is...a deceiver


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## kitkatmebk (Oct 16, 2010)

My husband and I have been married for 5 yrs this year and been having problems for 4 yrs of our married lives together. We've been and still are in counciling for 2.5 yrs and we've learned what our issues are and the tools to know how to change the behaviors or reactions but there has been no good end results. We are spiraling down and have started talking about splitting up. My H has been having an EA for 7 mos now and he still denies that he is. I confronted him a few months ago due to phone records but now has found the computer or FB to chat with the OW. I'm at a crossroads myself. I'm sorry to hear it's reached this level for you to go to counciling but it may be helpful to you. Let us know how things are going.


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## jahenders (Dec 9, 2010)

Good luck with the counseling. Counseling helped us somewhat, but then it broke down after a while. Our counselor operated off a "triage" theory for marriage counseling -- focus on the complaints and issues of the one who identified the marriage as being "broken." Thus, we started out solely focused on my wife's complaints. That seemed reasonable, but it continued that way indefinitely. Eventually I concluded it was hurting more than it was helping -- encouraging my wife to find fault so she could recount my list of failures every meeting. I came to the conclusion that it would never change and that there would be nothing left of me if I continued. So, I told my wife I'd happily try anything that offered hope of working, but this wasn't it. So, we quit that and things were OK for a year or two. Then, they went down hill again. We tried one counseling session a few months ago, but when the counselor wanted to talk about BOTH of our issues, my wife was NOT happy. So, she loves counseling as long as all we talk about his her wants and my failings.


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