# Husband and his Mom - bad combo



## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

My husband chose to fly his mother into town to visit (she comes about 2-3 times a year) during a time when he is working. He didn't take any time off to be with her - except one day. That was because I insisted. Well - I worked only until noon each day this week, so I could cart her around (she refuses to drive) and take her to lunch and shopping etc. She's completely ignoring our kids. Her grandchildren. We picked up our kids from school and I took her to lunch. We sat down at a very nice bistro. The kids like it there too. She sat down - saw the menu - and demanded we leave. She said the place was "too unique". The kids were crushed. I dealt with it. But, she said our son was "embarrasing - because he talked about how he loved our new cadillac". He's 5. He doesn't understand the monetary value of cars. He loves chevy trucks too! She told me that I need to "work with him". She keeps the main tv on all the news stations while the kids are in the room - with murders and rapes featured. I ask to move the channel and she says "they have to learn about it some time". 

I am at my limit. So I informed my husband about some of this stuff. He came home from his 9 hour day. He stayed longer to "talk with his co-workers". This, while I'm enteraining his mother! He got in the door and went right into the bedroom for 25 minutes. We were waiting to have dinner -- he came out and said he had to "get changed and relax a little". 

It's really frustrating - am I overreacting?


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## akcroy (Dec 23, 2010)

No you're not - and you should sit down and have a serious chat with your husband over said issues.

He might be intentionally avoiding his mother because he knows what she's like - have you considered that possibility? On the other hand, he could be just acting plain irresponsible here.

In any case you the two of you need to talk. Good luck.


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

When I talked with him about this he said..what do you want..she rarely visits and she's a 65 year old woman. Deal with it .. Basically. He makes steaks for her..treats her like she parts the sea..but only when it's convenient for him. He didn't know when she needed to be driven to the airport.. Even though that is my respinsibility to drive her there. He is "working". Well so am I! Turns out it's when I am scheduled to chaperon my son's pre k field trip. He's now instructed me to arrive late to that.. So I can take her. 





akcroy said:


> No you're not - and you should sit down and have a serious chat with your husband over said issues.
> 
> He might be intentionally avoiding his mother because he knows what she's like - have you considered that possibility? On the other hand, he could be just acting plain irresponsible here.
> 
> In any case you the two of you need to talk. Good luck.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You're not overreacting. You have been a lot nicer than I would have been. Your MIL obviously knows nothing about boundaries. It's time that your husband enlighten his mother. He is doing much as my stbx did for many years. Stbx would "stick head in sand" and do nothing to resolve ANY problem. That's when anger festers! 

Wish you well with this problem.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

crazycat25 said:


> When I talked with him about this he said..what do you want..she rarely visits and she's a 65 year old woman. Deal with it .. Basically. He makes steaks for her..treats her like she parts the sea..but only when it's convenient for him. He didn't know when she needed to be driven to the airport.. Even though that is my respinsibility to drive her there. He is "working". Well so am I! Turns out it's when I am scheduled to chaperon my son's pre k field trip. He's now instructed me to arrive late to that.. So I can take her.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


No, that's your husband's responsibility. If he can't, a taxi should be called. You had made prior plans which take priority.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Your MIL sounds very controlling and abrasive. So what if your little son likes your new car?? Unless she has medical dietary needs, she could at least try something different. I wouldn't expect my MIL to eat Jamaican food; too spicy for her.
Letting your small children hear about rapes and murders is dreadfully inappropriate and creepy. 
I wouldn't have minded taking my mother in law out if if I had less hours at work, however I wouldn't be tolerating the kind of disrespect you're talking about. Your husband needs to stop this, instead of enabling his mother and siding with her. YOU are his wife!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Okay no offense but you've allowed this treatment. YOU volunteered to take off work at noon so HE didn't have to. YOU have chosen to entertain and cart her around so HE didn't have to. Remember we train people how to treat us.

The next time before your MIL comes into town simple explain to your dh that you will no longer be doing these things. Tell him you will work a full day, you will not be available to cart her around and if she comes in she will be on her own unless HE takes care of her. Explain that this is HIS mother and you are done taking over HIS responsibility.

It will only take oh about one trip before this problem is easily solved.


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

No offense taken! Thanks for your advice. You are right.. I did agree to do this. But the reason is ... I haven't in the past and I watched as my mil sat at home alone for 9 hours a day. I felt terrible for her! My husband did not. He didn't care that she'd come for a week and do absolutely nothing while he and I worked...and he went to the gym. He does not care! 

I just felt so bad... I can't sit by and watch this happen. So I compensate even though she's gruff and ungrateful. He used to do this with MY parents and they were terribly hurt. So I always try to fill the void.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> Okay no offense but you've allowed this treatment. YOU volunteered to take off work at noon so HE didn't have to. YOU have chosen to entertain and cart her around so HE didn't have to. Remember we train people how to treat us.
> 
> The next time before your MIL comes into town simple explain to your dh that you will no longer be doing these things. Tell him you will work a full day, you will not be available to cart her around and if she comes in she will be on her own unless HE takes care of her. Explain that this is HIS mother and you are done taking over HIS responsibility.
> 
> It will only take oh about one trip before this problem is easily solved.


:iagree:

Sit down and explain to your husband that this was unacceptable and next time before he invites his mother to town HE needs to make arrangements to take time off work to be with her. She is his mother and if he is the one that invited her then he should be the one spending time with her. Tell him it is his job drive her around and his job to set boundaries wit her regarding the kids. 

Your husband took advantage of you, this way he can say he had mom over to visit and look like the good son - but it was you doing all the work. That is not fair. 

And mag is right, you do teach people how to treat you. If he can get by with dumping his mother on you then why will he not continue to do it in the future? Time to set your boundaries now.


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

So I should just sit by and watch her sit in the house all alone during her visits? I feel awful for her! He has made this his common practice for YEARS. Now that my family passed away .. I chose to be the one to be the good daughter in law. He will NOT change his behavior Even if I do. He will let her sit.

Today is his ONLY day off with her. I'm on my way to work. He just texted and said he left her home while he goes to the gym. The kids are at school - so he's free! Evn of his own mother. I BEG him to take a day off to be with her. So - what's he do? Leave her so he can workout. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

crazycat25 said:


> So I should just sit by and watch her sit in the house all alone during her visits? Well that is totally your choice. If you choose to not let her sit the realize you are going to have to put up with her rude behavior and your husband will continue to take advantage of your kind nature. Do you not think that your husband knows you will take pity on her and take your time off work to take care of HIS mother? Don't you think he counts on it? I feel awful for her! that is because you are a good person with a heart. Something that your husband takes advantage of He has made this his common practice for YEARSWhy wouldn't he when he gets by with it????Now that my family passed away .. I chose to be the one to be the good daughter in law. He will NOT change his behavior Even if I do. He will let her sit. Probably not and you can't make him change, you can only change the way you react to him
> 
> Today is his ONLY day off with her. I'm on my way to work. He just texted and said he left her home while he goes to the gym. The kids are at school - so he's free! Evn of his own mother. I BEG him to take a day off to be with her. So - what's he do? Leave her so he can workout. Yeah, because he doesn't care about her obviously. Your MIL doesn't sound like a nice person and her son seems to be following in her foot steps. Because I have to say he doesn't sound very nice at all. Not only is he inconsiderate of his mother he treats you like a servant who's job it is to take care of his mother. I can't believe he is this inconsiderate of you only when his mother comes to visit and is a prince the rest of the time. So why does this behavior surprise you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

crazycat25 said:


> So I should just sit by and watch her sit in the house all alone during her visits? I feel awful for her! He has made this his common practice for YEARS. Now that my family passed away .. I chose to be the one to be the good daughter in law. He will NOT change his behavior Even if I do. He will let her sit.
> 
> Today is his ONLY day off with her. I'm on my way to work. He just texted and said he left her home while he goes to the gym. The kids are at school - so he's free! Evn of his own mother. I BEG him to take a day off to be with her. So - what's he do? Leave her so he can workout.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First of all the woman sounds awful so I'm having a hard time having any sympathy for her. Secondly it's your choice. You can continue to suck it up and be the good DIL or you can establish boundaries. Only you know where your "limit" is. At some point you will get more and more resentful so I think it's important that you decide upfront how much you are willing to do for this icky woman.

Personally I think I get why he will let her sit. I'd avoid her too if that were my mom. Oh wait I do have a mom like that and it's part of why we haven't spoken in 12 years. Call me heartless but I no longer have time for people like that. Your MIL would have lost me when she ignored my kids. I'm a big bad mother bear. Diss my kids and I'll have no problem letting you sit for 9 hours a day without company. Don't like it? Then quit coming.


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## Boogsie (Aug 24, 2010)

It seems to me that your husband has weighed two options and he thinks that life would be less difficult with you pissed off at him than his mother.

When you went to him with these issues, instead of saying deal with it, he should have sat down with his mother and used the line on her that she no doubt has used on him. "This is my house, and while you are staying under my roof, you will follow my rules. This means no violent TV when the kids are around. No telling us how to raise our kids, and no more being disrespectful to my wife."

Your husband knows his mother, and if she is like other very controlling and manipulative people I know, if he would do this she would cut off communication. He is probably figuring it is better to have you mad at him a few days than his mother forever.


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

This is really a very good point. I agree with you. That's probably his attitude. It's easiest to just sweep me under the rug and let it all go... 

Honestly - I am a kind hearted person. I take a lot of manipulation and emotional abuse from my own husband all the time. But, this is just making me furious! Of course - I'd be the bad wife for saying something - but my God - what is this woman's problem? She has said things that were mean to me before and I always just deal with it silently. 

Like when we first went to lunch when I first met her she said that she couldn't believe my husband picked me because I am not his or HER type!

I don't know what's wrong with me. I am afraid to speak up and saying to him, as well. I hate when he's angry and I just do whatever I can to keep the peace. I don't find myself happy around him (except when we are with the kids) but I just keep it all inside because I feel like I picked the guy...I need to suck it up and live with it. 

I just need to get strong, I suppose and tell him that I am done taking his crap and he can leave if he doesn't like it. But for some reason that is SO hard for me to do. In fact, it's been nearly impossible.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

crazycat25 said:


> This is really a very good point. I agree with you. That's probably his attitude. It's easiest to just sweep me under the rug and let it all go...
> 
> Honestly - I am a kind hearted person. I take a lot of manipulation and emotional abuse from my own husband all the time. But, this is just making me furious! Of course - I'd be the bad wife for saying something - but my God - what is this woman's problem? She has said things that were mean to me before and I always just deal with it silently.
> 
> ...


Just as I suspected this is really not so much about your MIL - although I have to say she sounds horrid - the problem is your husband's overall disrespect of you. 

Do you constantly have to walk on eggshells to 'keep the peace'? That is no way to live.

And no you do not have to 'suck it up and live with it'. You have a right to be happy. And if he is like most verbal/emotional abusers he didn't show his true self until after you were married. Regardless of if he did or didn't you shouldn't have to pay for the mistake for the rest of your life. 

Maybe some counseling is needed, if not for both of you then just for yourself, so you can find the strength to tell him you are not putting up with his crap anymore and then stick to it.


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

I don't know if "walk on egg shells" is the way i'd term my day to day life - it's more like just keep your mouth shut. If I don't say anything - then it's not an issue. I just go along with whatever he wants. I guess that's like walking on egg shells  

It's just very clear he thinks he knows best. I will work hard all day - come home and get dinner ready - put the laundry away or something and ..for example..yesterday...he came outside and said "hey, I thought we talked about which garbage can you should dump -food scraps in". He says if I use the other garbage can..racoons might eat in there. He has to manipulate and control EVERYTHING. Including where I dump my garbage. 

The other problem is that I basically have to handle everything - If I want anything done. He's very responsible at work - but could care less about taking any responsibilty for things at home. He can't manage to pay bills - or anything. I do it all. But, boy he can keep the house clean! He is so anal retentive - he once woke me up in the middle of the night to scrub the floor because apparently I didn't pick up some spilled kid's juice well enough. He hasn't pulled that one in a long time - but that's where his mind is at.

We have been to counseling. The marriage counselor asked me on a solo session once..WHY I would put up with my husband's behavior we he just doesn't "get it" when he's shown how bad his behavior is... He apologizes when his nose is rubbed in it ..in therapy. But he fights for awhile first - the apology is just to get us off his back. 

It's just a fine life - if I keep my head down and don't really object to his controlling ways. Which..normally ..I don't. But, when I get the "bug" to start seeing my own reality - I get really sad and scared. I wanted to have another child. Now, I'm scared to do so. But a part of me wonders..if I should...because I'd probably have to adopt or something..if I left him down the road. What are the chances I would meet someone else and gave another child soon? My clock is definitely ticking..and near the end. 

Thanks for listening.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

crazycat25 said:


> I don't know if "walk on egg shells" is the way i'd term my day to day life - it's more like just keep your mouth shut. If I don't say anything - then it's not an issue. I just go along with whatever he wants. I guess that's like walking on egg shells
> 
> It's just very clear he thinks he knows best. I will work hard all day - come home and get dinner ready - put the laundry away or something and ..for example..yesterday...he came outside and said "hey, I thought we talked about which garbage can you should dump -food scraps in". He says if I use the other garbage can..racoons might eat in there. He has to manipulate and control EVERYTHING. Including where I dump my garbage.
> 
> ...


That is how you want to live? Keeping your head down and not objecting to him treating you like a second class citizen? 

Life can be better than this. There are nice guys out there. There is a good life for you if you choose to be alone. 

You say you work all day and handle a lot of things around the house? What do you need him for? What are YOU getting out of the relationship??? The right to scrub the floor in the middle of the night or put up with his nasty mother (said tongue-in-cheek) 

And micro managing where you put the food scraps? Really who does that?? Narcissist love to delegate work to those people they feel are beneath them.

If even the therapist is asking why you put up with it then it must be really bad. So . . .. why do you put up with it?

How many kids do you have? How old are they? Do you really want them growing up watching how you and your husband interact and thinking this is the way it is suppose to be and this is 'normal'???


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

crazycat25 said:


> We have been to counseling. The marriage counselor asked me on a solo session once..WHY I would put up with my husband's behavior we he just doesn't "get it" when he's shown how bad his behavior is... He apologizes when his nose is rubbed in it ..in therapy. But he fights for awhile first - the apology is just to get us off his back.
> 
> It's just a fine life - if I keep my head down and don't really object to his controlling ways.


Why do you think I've gotten so assertive and said I wouldn't put up with your MIL? Counseling and lots of it. I'm learning I was a people pleaser (had no idea) but I dealt with it by being passive agressive or a *****. Now I'm learning how to say no respectfully. I'm learning to respect myself and what I want.

My best friend is married to guy like yours and last year she had enough and she kicked him to the curb....he's much nicer now and it's been a year. See here's the thing about bullies and controlling people inside they are insecure and afraid. Stand up to them and most times they will back down. It's a risk sure but do you really want to live the rest of your life with your head down?


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## Boogsie (Aug 24, 2010)

crazycat25 said:


> I don't know if "walk on egg shells" is the way i'd term my day to day life - it's more like just keep your mouth shut. If I don't say anything - then it's not an issue. I just go along with whatever he wants. I guess that's like walking on egg shells
> 
> It's just very clear he thinks he knows best. I will work hard all day - come home and get dinner ready - put the laundry away or something and ..for example..yesterday...he came outside and said "hey, I thought we talked about which garbage can you should dump -food scraps in". He says if I use the other garbage can..racoons might eat in there. He has to manipulate and control EVERYTHING. Including where I dump my garbage.
> 
> ...


You are a doormat. Welcome to the club. I'm actually a recovering doormat. Let me tell you the biggest thing I've learned in my recovery so far. 

You must set boundaries. If you set a boundary you MUST be willing to enforce to its ultimate end otherwise all your boundaries will always be crossed and you will be WORSE off than you are now.

The ultimate end for a boundary in marriage is divorce. You are a parent so you know the problem with setting boundaries with kids that you don't enforce. The same is true for other people, including spouses.

I'm sure you already have boundaries. If your husband decided to quit his job and sit home and drink beer all day while the house is foreclosed and the car reposessed you would probably divorce him rather quickly. Honestly, this is no different. 

If it isn't a deal breaker, you can talk to him about it, but if he tells you to shove it, well, then you better get used to accepting it. If it is a deal breaker then tell him to fix it or you are out.

Of course, you could always call his manipulative mother on her [email protected] if your husband won't.  That would at least make for some entertaining conversations in the future!


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

Well thanks to you guys, I got a little gumption today! We took our son to karate tonight and my mother in law was only paying attention to some little girl. After we got in the car she asked my son if he could guess who her favorite was? He said "me"? She said NO that little girl. My son instantly said "why aren't I your favorite?". She said well you are my favorite little boy and she was my favorite girl. I instantly said well sweetie you were my favorite of all the kids! We love you! My husband gave me a dirty look. He remained silent! I said are you going to say anything? (when we were in private). He said no... That's just the way she is. I said well that's not how "I" am. I said i thknk you need to address this with her... of course he wont ....He walked away. 

Can you believe that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

crazycat25 said:


> Well thanks to you guys, I got a little gumption today! We took our son to karate tonight and my mother in law was only paying attention to some little girl. After we got in the car she asked my son if he could guess who her favorite was? He said "me"? She said NO that little girl.


OMG! That's horrible!



crazycat25 said:


> I said well that's not how "I" am. I said i thknk you need to address this with her... of course he wont ....He walked away.
> 
> Can you believe that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How did you turn that around to be about you? This wasnt about you so dont twist it around. He's five and you're telling him he needs to talk to his grandma? That's an adult conversation. You need to talk to grandma and maybe discuss with him privately how he felt about the incident.


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

No! Sorry i meant my husband! I wanted my husband to address his mom! Most certainly NOT my son!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

OH! that makes more sense! I dont think it would do any good to talk to her. she sounds just plain mean. I would seriously consider not letting your kids be around her.


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## Boogsie (Aug 24, 2010)

Maybe when you were alone with your MIL and husband you can put on your sweetest smile and tell her she is a cold hearted b!tch and her son is a ball-less, spine-less pvzzy, and say, I mean that in the nicest possible way.

I can tolerate a lot of crap. I mean a lot. But there are few things in my life you don't eff with and one of those are my kids. Mother or not, that is borderline abusive and were that my mother, she would no longer be welcome in my house.

Please don't take offense at this but your husband sounds like a controlling ass who bows to the wishes of a bigger controlling ass.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Boogsie said:


> I can tolerate a lot of crap. I mean a lot. But there are few things in my life you don't eff with and one of those are my kids. Mother or not, that is borderline abusive and were that my mother, she would no longer be welcome in my house.


Yep thats what I was trying to say. I'll take a lot cause I'm a grown up but by gosh do NOT mess with my kids. I'll so take you out if you mess with them.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

Boogie said:


> Maybe when you were alone with your MIL and husband you can put on your sweetest smile and tell her she is a cold hearted b!tch and her son is a ball-less, spine-less pvzzy, and say, I mean that in the nicest possible way.


LOL, no, you start out with "with all due respect you are a mean cold heart b1tch and your son is ball-lessspine-less pvssy who turned out just like you. . .Bless your heart"

Where I come from you can say almost anything if you start with "with all due respect" and/or end with "bless your heart".:rofl:





Boogie said:


> Please don't take offense at this but your husband sounds like a controlling ass who bows to the wishes of a bigger controlling ass.


:iagree::iagree:

That is what happens when kids grow up in the same house with a controlling ass. They either become one their self or they become a door mat. 

All the more reason you need to consider getting out of there. Do you really want your kids to grow up around this?


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

You are right. I suppose I stick around because of the kids and also due to the fact I see "some" progress and I feel guilty for leaving if he's showing signs if trying. 
My husband is pretty spoiled. His mom is a cheap old lady, so I made sure to point her "little pumpkin" has a personal trainer, brand new Cadillac, and wants his wife to get a new job so he can have the 5 thousand sq foot home down the street. You could tell she didn't want to hear it. Even when HE bragged about "his" housekeeper... She instantly changed the subject! 


Although he stood up to her tonight. Of course it wasn't to protect his son or anything like that. He got into a political argument with her and HE blamed me by saying "your opinions are offensive to my wife". Actually they were offensive to HIM but he was quick to act like he was protecting me. She acted like a child. She refused to speak and went into her room and locked the door (no concern from me!)

But he did appear to be speaking up. That's a switch. But I know he thinks that will score major points with me. He knows I am the meal ticket. I make about 4 times his salary. Without my income .. He would be in a 1 bedroom apt. 

He's just never had to be uncomfortable in his life. He was given a free college education. Never had a job until he was 24... Except summer jobs. It's just getting scary for him to see me... Threaten his financial picture. But it doesn't look attractive to me. I just see him as even more pathetic. Maybe he's just using me?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

crazycat25 said:


> You are right. I suppose I stick around because of the kids and also due to the fact I see "some" progress and I feel guilty for leaving if he's showing signs if trying.
> My husband is pretty spoiled. His mom is a cheap old lady, so I made sure to point her "little pumpkin" has a personal trainer, brand new Cadillac, and wants his wife to get a new job so he can have the 5 thousand sq foot home down the street. You could tell she didn't want to hear it. Even when HE bragged about "his" housekeeper... She instantly changed the subject!
> 
> 
> ...


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

crazycat25 said:


> He knows I am the meal ticket. I make about 4 times his salary. Without my income .. He would be in a 1 bedroom apt.
> 
> It's just getting scary for him to see me... Threaten his financial picture. But it doesn't look attractive to me. I just see him as even more pathetic. Maybe he's just using me?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you serious? You hold this much clout and you walk around with your head down? Boy has he got you snowed. I'd tell him if he treated me with disrespect one more time he can go move to that 1 bedroom apartment. You hold ALL the power and he knows it hence why he has to keep you under his control somehow. What a weak man.


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

You are correct. I am definitely to blame here. I can tell you the last time I forced him into therapy was when he said he was going to quit working. He said that he would do this after I suggested he find a job with better salary/hours and one that wouldn't Hurt his back. His job is labor intensive and a chiropractor told him he couldn't do the job for much longer without increased pain. I offered to support him to go back for an MBA or take time to start his own business. His response was... Well, I guess I'll just go get a job stocking shelves at the grocery store. Or I'll just stay home, would that make you happy? We worked through that at therapy. The conclusion was him staying in his current job.. Denying that it's a job that will be obsolete in 3 to 5 years and cause him further physical pain. He says he "loves it". I guess that's why he sacrifices his family for that job... With little pay and bad conditions. 

I just don't know what the last straw will be? Would the mother in law stuff be enough to throw most reasonable people over the edge? I'm so callused to the drama.. I get upset... But I'm capable of letting things go even when I'm resentful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

crazycat25 said:


> I just don't know what the last straw will be? Would the mother in law stuff be enough to throw most reasonable people over the edge? I'm so callused to the drama.. I get upset... But I'm capable of letting things go even when I'm resentful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are a better woman than me. I don't have near the complaints you have but if I made 4X what my husband made right now I wouldn't be on this board I'd be packing his bags. My dh says I'm intimidating and I make him feel inferior so I'd tell him good luck finding someone better than me and be sure to check her IQ before getting involved.

Sigh but as it is I'm a lowly homemaker with small children so it would take some monumental work to get financially independent again. Easier (for now) to work on the marriage which is why I'm here.


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## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

See I think being home with the kids would be great... Although tough, I know! 
But being a single working Mom is no picnic either. I have intense pressure at work and I definitely worry about the kids. I am being offered a wonderful job out of state and I have been tempted to make it a trial separation. But a new city.. New job.. With kids scares the heck out of me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

crazycat25 said:


> See I think being home with the kids would be great... Although tough, I know!
> But being a single working Mom is no picnic either. I have intense pressure at work and I definitely worry about the kids. I am being offered a wonderful job out of state and I have been tempted to make it a trial separation. But a new city.. New job.. With kids scares the heck out of me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm turning a corner with my dh so my post was mostly to make a point that you have choices. Of course being at home is fabulous and I really don't want to go get a job. I've done the working career mom thing and it was the hardest thing I'd ever done.

Remember the definition of insanity is continuing to do the same things over and over but expecting different results. You totally have the power to stop your dh from being mean to you. It's just a matter of how bad do you want it? And are you willing to take that risk because obviously it might not work. But do you really want to spend the next 20 years with your head down when my gosh you have all this clout just waiting to be tapped into.


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