# 2 weeks and it is KILLING me...PLEASE help...



## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

yes, we have been going through tough times. 2 small children and money problems.
says he cant take it anymore and needs space, to fix things and himself( he had become somewhat selfish...)
he has been staying at his parents for the last 2 weeks...comes home after work for dinner and the such and leaves once the kids are asleep.
he has gotten back on track as far as the money and paying the bills goes, just seems that he doesnt want to spend a lot of time with me.
this man has been a best friend, wonderful husband and great father...what could have happened?
is it possible that the realities of life are that overwhelming for him? i want to help and support him, unfortunately he is the type that if he isnt ready to talk he wont, and he isnt...i am having a horrible time holding it together and feel completely empty without him here! any and all advice would be great!!!


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

Take a deep breath. It will be okay.

I don't dare try to figure out what he is thinking or what is going on in his mind, but you have to try to take care of yourself. Seems to me that he is getting too much help here. Do not let him come over for dinner and stay. If it's space he needs....then he shouldn't be able to burdon you with his selfishness. Which is exactly what he is being. If he wants space...then he needs to leave you alone......not keep playing with your emotions.

Very convenient for him.

Sometimes people get confused...sometimes they are just selfish. It is normal to be tired and stressed with two kids and family pressure, but it is not normal to walk away from you and the kids. He isn't going to fix himself by not spending time with you. He can do that while you two are together through counseling. It is weird how some folks use that word..."space". He has left you with all the responsiblity....all the stress adn he gets to run home to mommy and daddy....right? How is that being unselfish?

Adults have to face reality. ....that is a fact.

I feel for you. This is so hard, I know from experience. The emptiness will pass...I can't tell you how long. But you do need to have some time alone too. It isnt' fair that you are stuck ther and he is not. Do you have a sitter who can watch the kids while you go out for some alone time? Dinner with a girl friend....or just a trip to the mall? Even if you have no money...you could at least go out and get some fresh air.

Don't be nieve, either. Keep your eyes open. Give him his space but make sure you tell him that this is not a free pass and that just becasue he isn't there, doesn't mean he is a free man. He is still your hubby and he should act like it. You do not deserve to be left alone like that.

You take care....and don't feel like you are wrong for being angry....or sad or lonely. I know it hurts, but you can do this...I promise. I am the biggest mushy wuss in the whole wide world and I have survived two separations. About to be divorced for the second time.....but I promise....promise you that you can do this. Take care sweetie...post and let us help you through this.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

that is exactly what i have been trying my hardest to do...he comes home after work at my request because our 8 yr old would be devastated if she knew...he did not put up any type of fight at all so i do believe in my heart he is doing it as his way right now of keeping the family together.
he has said numerous times that he isnt doing this to hurt me, he just feels he needs to get his s -it together. even stayed home with the kids all weekend and gave me some alone time with the girls...even though i didnt really enjoy it under the circumstances.
when i got home today, the yardwork was done the house was all picked up and dinner had been made...just cant figure it out...


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

Something isn't right there. It could be a mid life crisis...but a man doesn't leave his family unless there is something more. I don't mean to worry you. But he is acting very strange. Have you suggested counseling?

All the kindness is good, but there is no excuse here for him to need to leave. NOt if he is spending that much time at the house anyway. If he wants you to go out...well, does he not want to spend any time alone with you? That is what you need...not a girls night out.

You should tell him this. It isn't fair. It sounds suspicious...even if it is completely innocent. And it may very well be innocent. But it just doesn't add up.

You need to have a talk with him......maybe get a counselor involved or a pastor if you are in church or something. Or just a neutral person who can help. But this isn't good for you. whether or not he intends it to hurt...it is. You have to communicate....and you can't do that in this situation....that is all I know to tell you.

Wish I could help more. Sometimes it helps just to get your feelings out there...and have someone listen. So keep it up. I wish for you that all gets better and you can get the lines of communication open again. Until then...you could try one of the marriage ...self help books. Some of them are pretty good....check around....I like the love dare...for anyone. But that is my opinion. Others like other books...

I'll have you in my thoughts and prayers....take care.


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## karajh (Jul 25, 2009)

What is wrong with people today? They just think they can walk out on all their responsibilities and start a new life. Hate to tell them this, but God does not let you get away with this and be happy in your new life. I am watching it happen right now to the father of my children!! I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don't have all the answers or my marriage would be working out the way I would like it to. I can tell you this, I will be praying for you and your children!


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

U are so smart Karajh.....I agree with you...what is going on in this world. I have never imagined all the people who just lay down their marriages and families for selfish reasons...and think things will be wonderful...I said it once....say it again. "the only reason the grass is greener on the other side is becasue of the manure."


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

DeniseK:


> "the only reason the grass is greener on the other side is becasue of the manure."


Lovely...
That's great! Trying hard not to laugh as everyone is upstairs sleeping...

karajh:


> They just think they can walk out on all their responsibilities and start a new life. Hate to tell them this, but God does not let you get away with this and be happy in your new life.


TOTALLY AGREE! It seems like we live in a disposable world now and that extends into marriage. "for better *OR *worse"... "Forsaking *all others*"... Hhhmmmm... I think we need to get back to the basics of living up to our commitments, especially to God...


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