# long distance, another guy going for her



## p4nde (Dec 17, 2011)

Hello all, I am new to these forums. And my for my first post I would like to ask for your advice.

My fiance and I were together for a year overseas, but due to work I had to come back home to the states. We plan on living together when she moves back also. She is still there working for a couple of months longer, and one of her co-workers is making a move on her. I knew who he was, have spoken to him a few times, but wasn't really friends with him. I had a feeling he liked my fiance when I was there. I am not sure if I should try to interdict or just let her handle herself. I trust her, we're in love very much, but there are several men trying to ask her out regularly. The guy to girl ratio there is pretty bad. 

Yesterday he told her that he thinks she's beautiful, inside and out, and that if he wasnt engaged, and if she wasnt engaged to me he would try to ask her out. That she is wife material, mature, etc etc, talking her up and complimenting her in several ways. Now, he's already asked her to go to his apt for a drink a few weeks ago. Since then I think it's been at a rest, but now he's trying to talk her out of us getting married. How she's 27, but still might not be ready, and how I am too young because I'm only 24 and that I might change my mind. This guy is a total snake and I feel helpless so far away.

I can find this guy on facebook and give him a warning, telling him to leave my girl alone, but I am several thousand miles away. And I don't want to cause any issues over there for her. I want her to continue telling me everything since we have really open communications.

Should I let her handle it or should I help her by contacting him?

Advice is much appreciated


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Of course you contact him and give him a piece. The primary boundary you should own is to protect your family at all costs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I disagree with talking to him.

The boundary that has been crossed here is the one his wife is unaware of or is ignoring.

This should never get to this point without your wife telling him it`s unacceptable.

I never have to deal with idiots hitting on my wife because they`re history before I ever hear of them.

The wife has taken care of it.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Perhaps there is a way to "out" him to his fiance?


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## p4nde (Dec 17, 2011)

Alpha and Tacoma, I agree with both of you. If I was there, there wouldn't be a problem. I looked for him on facebook and I actually couldn't find him. I am going to talk about this with her and let her know that she needs to say that that is not acceptable for him to talk to her in that way and that she needs to tell him that. She's too nice and doesnt want to make anyone upset. I was kind of caught off guard when she told me this to begin with.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You could help her come up with things to tell him to let him know that she wants him to stop doing this.

One would be for her to just day.. "opps, gotta go" and end the communications by hanging up or walking away. 

or

Just simply "please don't bring this up again"

Or "I'll ask your fiance to see how she feels about you and me going out."


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

what about her going to the bosses and telling them she is being harassed?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

She can stop this completely IF she wanted to. She could shut him down and tell him to stop immediately and that if he does not she will go to HR about his continued harrassment.

The question is whether she would be willing to shut him down or not. She should have shut him down on her own. She is messing with yor head right now. That is the big red flag.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> what about her going to the bosses and telling them she is being harassed?


It's in another country. They might not have such policies. I was wondering that as well.

And even here in the USA she has to tell him to stop and not play along before HR will take her complaint seriously.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Definitely have a talk with her about boundaries and let her know that this is not okay with you, that you need to see her protecting your relationship and not inviting trouble into it. If she cannot draw that line now, she won't later, either. You can't chase her all the time to make sure she's being faithful. If she is not trustworthy, then do not trust her and don't marry her.


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## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

How do you know all of this about this dude? If your lady is telling you, you are in a good place. Either way you need to CALL this guy up and tell him you heard about his behavior and tell him it's unacceptable and then sit back and let the chips fall where they may. If your fiance gets pissed at you there is your sign. If she tells you Thank You... you are blessed.

ALWAYS Call out a Player.... he will only continue otherwise.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I disagree with talking to him.
> 
> The boundary that has been crossed here is the one his wife is unaware of or is ignoring.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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