# Oh help...



## JustDuck (Nov 16, 2011)

Sorry if this isn't written coherantly. So much to get off my chest.

10 years ago, when I married my husband, I was 19 years old, he was 22. I had dated 5 guys previously, he hadn't dated anyone (besides drunken college hookups). We were both virgins. Then.... Well, I guess this should have been named:
Things I didn't know when I married my husband (a.k.a. another reason I should have slept around before marrying):

- My husband loves to dress and act like a girl.
- My husband wants me to be a femdom in the bedroom - yet utterly submissive in the real world. 
- My husband views and masturbates to porn featuring femdom, bdsm and especially trannies.

All of this has slowly emerged over the years and created friction in our marriage. My wants and needs are of no matter. He consistantly guilts me about not kowtowing to his desires. No matter how I try to better myself (grooming, makeup, clothes, exercise, 1950s good-wife) it doesn't matter. He is not sexually attracted to me. And I begin to wonder if he's cheating on me. I desire him sexually. I make overtures. Nothing.

If I had known of his proclivities before, I honestly don't think we'd be married. I feel like he hid these things on purpose. It's that whole "I love him - but..."
This is the only thing that cannot be changed. He's not willing to budge, and I can't bring myself to get into his various fetishes (using a strap-on on my ladies lingerie-clad husband while saying things) I don't know how to be a femdom, I feel awkward and it is a MAJOR moodkiller. He gets turned on and sex is the last thing I want. And I've always been attracted to strong manly MEN.

Everything else can be fixed. Divorcing solely because of sex just seems....shallow. But it's a vital part of marriage! 

Advice?


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I don't think sleeping around before getting married would have told you much in this case. I think it's a given that a 22-year old guy is going to hide the fact that he gets off by dressing, acting and um...receiving sex like a girl! 

This goes a bit beyond divorcing over sex. I think you could feel guilty wanting to divorce over him being a bad kisser, but this is a fetish/lifestyle thing. Way different. If neither one of you can be satisfied without a penis, that presents a serious compatibility issue. Not to mention the whole power dynamic you describe where it seems like he has to "make up" for his sissy time in the bedroom by demanding total submission everywhere else...

Yeah. Freaky. Didn't give you the chance to be on the same fetish page. Feel free to exit stage right at the curtain...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

> My wants and needs are of no matter. He constantly guilt me about not kowtowing to his desires. No matter how I try to better myself (grooming, makeup, clothes, exercise, 1950s good-wife) it doesn't matter. *He is not sexually attracted to me.*


A woman with a healthy self-esteem would not allow herself to be with a man who is not sexually attracted to her. Least of all with a man who does not care about her wants and needs.



> Everything else can be fixed. Divorcing solely because of sex just seems....shallow. But it's a vital part of marriage!


You bet it is and you're going to find out how vital it is when another man starts paying attention to your wants and needs. When that happens, it will be you who will be cheating and creating more pain than if she had said enough! and filed for divorce.

Dump the selfish freak.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

Sex /intimacy is very important in a marriage. Since he doesnt seem to care about your needs or wants and is only concerned with trying to get you to give it to him his way things probably aren't going to work out. 
You want man lovin and well so does he, there is a major compatibility issue here.

As mentioned before when a man who is sexually attracted to you shows interest you don't want to be the one who ends up cheating so best to leave now.


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