# confused



## tony_terry (Oct 5, 2012)

Wife has filed for divorce, we are still under the same roof with the kids, things are civil for the most part but what i don't understand is the fact that we still go out together. Primarily the movies and the gym, not a lot of verbal contact but she's not a big talker anyway. she wants a divorce but she still wants to have a man by her side. she has not been remotely interested in reconciliation and has assured me that she does not want to be with me so what gives?


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Why won't she leave?

Can you?


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

Maybe she isn't as sure about it as you think she is.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

In my situation my wife is seeing another man. However she does the same stuff with me like nothing has changed. Except of course we have no physical contact. She tries to act like nothing has changed for the most part. 

Its that particular emotional detachment that hurts the most. Since I didn't fall out of love and still see the women I knew before who said she loved me so much.


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

I think you need to separate yourself emotionally from each other. Try going no contact for 3 weeks with her and see what happens.

She may be trying to show your kids that even if you two are not together that you will each be in their lives and that you get along amicably enough that you will not ask them to pick sides. That's all fine and good, but I think a better strategy -- given that she is set on a divorce -- is to start living your life as if you are divorced and co-parenting. Try telling your wife that you need to set up a schedule. If you are heading towards a 2-2-3 parenting plan or a 7-7 parenting plan then tell your wife you want to start modeling how that will work. Tell her to get out of the house (or sequester herself in her room) for 2 nights in a row so you can cook dinner, get the kids ready for school, help with homework etc. Then tell her that you will do the same.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

As far as my situation. I only pointed it out because it seems to me your wife is acting the same as mine. May be trying to be nice to keep you as a fallback plan and could possibly be interested in someone else. 

I eventually confronted my wife about it. She made it sound like they were just friends, but got very defensive. Eventually my confrontations worked. She didn't specifically admit it, but doesn't deny it anymore. 

Anyway good luck to ya!


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## pseudonym (Aug 19, 2012)

tony_terry said:


> Wife has filed for divorce, we are still under the same roof with the kids, things are civil for the most part but what i don't understand is the fact that we still go out together. Primarily the movies and the gym, not a lot of verbal contact but she's not a big talker anyway. she wants a divorce but she still wants to have a man by her side. she has not been remotely interested in reconciliation and has assured me that she does not want to be with me so what gives?


She wants to keep you as a backup plan.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Convenience? It's not fair to you. If the kids aren't around I would not go places with her if I were you.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

She filed on you, you are no longer together.

So stop doing things together.

This also has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you.


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## tony_terry (Oct 5, 2012)

Thanks for the input, I see several points that I had not thought about.


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