# im torn



## ponder (Jun 22, 2013)

my wife moved away with our 8 mo old son.

about us..
my wife and i met online two and a half years ago. at first we chatted back and forth through text and email, and then started dating. we lived 60 miles apart so on weekends we would take turns driving to see each other. she had two kids from a previous marriage and i would go along to watch they're concerts and games. i enjoyed every minute of it,

after 6 months we started asking each other where the relationship was going. we lived so far apart it was obvious one of us would have to move. i wasnt going to leave my job (family business) or sell my house and i didnt expect her to leave either. it was a tough decision but i decided to break it off after 8 months. 

we were split up for two months before she started talking to me. she decided that she would give up everything and move here for me. i said no, i couldnt live with that, but she insisted. she gave the kids the option to move here too, but they declined and stayed with their dad. i was so happy we were together, i loved her, but in the back of my mind i knew she had given up so much, she would resent me for it.

now two years later, we are married with a 8 month old son and she decided to move back to her home town. our main problem is my parents. she says they are narcissistic, disrespect her, and have no boundaries. she says i havent protected her from them. she also thinks my dog is annoying and wants me to get rid of it. and thinks we should sell my house. 

what i always hear from her is “ i gave up everything and you gave up nothing.” 

ive given up some things. i gave up all my hobbies and havent seen friends in two years. if im not working, we are in back in her hometown to visit her kids and parents. which i enjoy. ive tried to make our house as welcoming as i can by bringing all of her furniture and belongings to make this place seem more like home.

so right now we see each other on weekends. i drive over there because she hates it here and doesnt want to come back. she never wants to see my parents again. its obvious they will never get along. my dad has a strong personality and so does my wife. she talked with my mom a month ago. she started cursing at my mom and made her cry. i may be blind but i think my parents are pretty normal people and mean no harm. they wanted nothing more than to be close to they’re daughter in law. i dont know how this escalated so quickly. my parents haven't seen they’re grandson in 4 months but her parents see him every week. she expects me to move away to live with her. but i am torn. we get along great when we are at her place, and i miss my son terribly, but i have no interest in moving away with her.

i dont know what exactly im asking. i just need to vent, because i have no one to talk to.


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

A reasonable person wouldn't make you give up your dog, hobbies, friends, or make you choose between them or your family.

She may not have a relationship with your family, but should allow you to keep unrestricted contact with them yourself. I hate to see people use the kids as pawns to punish the grandparents.

Take a deep breath and don't make any big moves like selling your house on a whim. 

It is hard on a relationship to have so much distance between loved ones. That can't change. Unfortunately, from my experience, to keep the relationship one person will always be homesick.

I don't know if this answers your question or helps. But your long distance situation struck a chord with me. You may just have to visit your parents with their grandchild only when you have him so they can have a relationship with him. 

Hope it works out over time. Good luck.


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