# Rules for Step Son



## treasures4u1 (Oct 27, 2009)

I will try to make this brief. This is the second marraige for both my husband and I. We were just the two of us for the first three years of our marraige. Then we received full custody of his son who was 14 at the time. We quickly learned that our parenting views are very different. He is soft and I tend to be on the harder side. So we decided that we would discuss the situation and compromise until we came up with an agreement and we would stick to that agreement no matter what. Well, one of the agreements that we made was that school always comes first. If his grades are not up to passing when we get a report card then he would be grounded and he would have to give up any after school activities that were not grade related. Well, we both kept that up with no problems for about 3 years. It worked great. Now, his son has joined ROTC class and he has blossomed. He absolutely loves it. He eats, sleeps and breathes ROTC. Just one problem. He has received and F on his report card and now my husband doesn't want to ground him. He says that he is not taking away from him the one thing that the kid finally likes to do. This is a very big problem for me. I feel all kinds of feelings. 1st I feel betrayed because he is going back on his part of the agreement, 2nd he is not teaching the boy anything by not making him responsible for his school grades. This is not the only thing he has backed down on. He has backed down on some of the other rules too. When I try to enforce tham anyway, he gets mad and tells the boy he is to do what he says and not what I say. This is becoming a VERY big problem in our marraige and to the boy. He is teaching him the wrong things but you can't tell him that. I am at my wits end. I don't know what to do. I have seriously been thinking about leaving because I cant live like this day after day and watch this kid get away with murder without having any consequences for his actions. Also, that my husband is going against me and what we agreed upon. I feel trerrible. I feel like I mean nothing and anything I say means nothing. What should I do? This is eating me up. I can't stay and just accept it but I really don't want to leave. My husband doesn't realize what he is doing. Also, I have already raised 3 teens and I think I have some insight into what works and what doesn't but he seems to really resent that. Please help!?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

What was the subject he got an F in?

as I think it matters in this situation.


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## mac123 (Nov 7, 2009)

I'm new to marriage with children. My wife and I got married a few years back. She has three children, two of which are not in the US at the moment and one that lives with us. At times, we have good communication and experiences. Other times however, result in feuding. My wife is strict and very overprotective. When her son needs grounding or some form of non physical punishment, I tend to be the one to understand his situation and help him analyze the fact and where he went wrong. He's only eleven. His father past away a few years back so my fatherly advice and logical thinking isn't always taken in by him. His mother doesn't punish him which makes it harder for me 90% of the time.

What can I do to make him understand that looking at situations from different perspectives will help him avoid punishment in the future and at the same time make him wiser as to what actions he'll take.

Thank you. I aprreciate any help and advice.


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