# What is considered lack of respect



## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

I have always had a very strong opinion on things. I get that but my husband always takes my opinion as me commanding him as a man. Like for example he bought a very nice car for my birthday saying it was for me. Then he decides to paint the wheels, and i said it wouldnt look nice so i didnt want him to do it. Its my car after all, shouldnt i have some say in it. He throws a fit at me saying he never has a say in anything, and swears at me in front of the kids. And hes going to do it anyway coz he doesnt need my permission to do anything. Then he goes on to say its not your car its his car. Then i get upset at him for speaking to me like that. What bothers me is why my opinion on something when it doesnt go along with his has to be an issue of his manhood. Why did he think im telling him not do it. We were just having a normal conversation, and it escalated all of a sudden.

What makes it worse is that after he screamed at me, he just went about his life. He didnt speak to me for 2 days, and then went ahead and painted his wheels. Eventhough he knew i was upset with him for the way he spoke to me. Then he finishes painting and apologizes for the way he spoke to me, but hes not sorry for anything else he doesnt need my opinion when it comes to his car.

Here i thought it was our car.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

IF it was your car for your birthday, then he had no right to do anything to it. I would have been annoyed as well.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are you and your husband?

He sounds like a defiant teenager.


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

We're both 34


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Whose name is on the title of the car? Are there payments? If so who is making the payments?

Do you have a job to make the payment? or is he the sole breadwinner?

It's just a bid odd that he bought you a car when that's usually a joint purchase for a married couple as it's a big purchase, the down payment is usallly out of marital income/assets as are the payment.

Your husband sounds profoundly insecure. Does he control most things that you do?


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

The car is in his name. He made an excuse saying it was beyter in his name for business accounting. We make the payments with the money from selling my old car. Thats enough for 18 months and then he'll take care of it.

I quit my job after i had my second born, so hes the breadearner. But right now we're both at home since hes working on starting a business.

When he bought "my" car, he had it all configured online and found a showroom model he wanted to buy, and all he had to do was hit submit when he came to speak to me about it. It was my bday in 2 days so he ran by like it was going to be my birthday present. Presented how we can easily pay for it with my old car. I agreed...silly me.

He doesnt control anything i do, but he doesnt want to be stopped when he wants something. He said i shouldnt have any opinion on stuff i dont know about ei "cars"


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Lrentz said:


> He doesnt control anything i do, but he doesnt want to be stopped when he wants something. He said i shouldnt have any opinion on stuff i dont know about ei "cars"


Uh, no .... Just. No. You didn't want the car - supposedly "your" car - pimped out the way he did. So, he basically told you to sit down and shut up. And you shouldn't have an opinion about cars? In what other areas does your husband contend to be an expert?

I don't know the ages of your children, but if they are getting close enough to school age, I'd consider looking into full-time employment.

It sounds like your husband doesn't respect you. OTOH, if you are coming across really strong in your opinions, it could be that you need to tone it down a bit yourself. Just sayin' ...


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Lrentz said:


> The car is in his name. He made an excuse saying it was beyter in his name for business accounting. We make the payments with the money from selling my old car. Thats enough for 18 months and then he'll take care of it.
> 
> I quit my job after i had my second born, so hes the breadearner. But right now we're both at home since hes working on starting a business.
> 
> ...


It's time you went back to work. You claim he doesn't control anything you do, but you don't seem to realize he effectively controlled you very well to shut you up, make you accept that the car obviously is not yours and never was, to not even have a problem with the fact that you clearly did NOT receive a birthday present of any kind and only got his lie to make you think you did, and then come here trying to figure out what YOU did to HIM because he cried foul in order to control you into thinking he's the one that was somehow offended.

Go back to work so you don't have to depend on a man and be controlled by him like this. Are you going to do anything about this situation? I bet you won't because he'll scream and hollar to shut you down again and you will be too afraid to stand your ground for fear that he might leave you. You don't have a leg to stand on because he feeds you and provides the roof over your head. You will regret it if you don't go back to work because he will never stop doing this kind of thing and finding other ways to control you. There's no telling how often he does it since you didn't even realize that he did it with this situation and just claimed that he doesn't control you. You don't see that he did an incredibly great job of it. You didn't even realize that YOUR car was paying for your birthday present to himself. If you ever get to a point that you want to leave or HAVE to leave, you won't because you won't have the resources to get out. Goodness forbid that he ever throws you out.

Go back to work so you don't HAVE to put up with a man controlling you like this and then screaming you into compliance to make sure he gets away with it.

And please don't listen to anybody that can't make up their own mind by saying one thing and then tell you to tone your opinions down. That you don't have an opinion is already what your husband is trying to control you into thinking. Don't listen to HIM or anybody else's stupidity. You SHOULD be strong in your opinions. You are one half of that marriage and entitled to express yourself regarding everything that involves you and him. And you especially should be strong in your opinion over what he duped you into thinking was YOUR car.


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

Prodigal said:


> Lrentz said:
> 
> 
> > He doesnt control anything i do, but he doesnt want to be stopped when he wants something. He said i shouldnt have any opinion on stuff i dont know about ei "cars"
> ...


Oh i totally understand i have strong opinions. Not a new problem in our marriage. He's told me before that i make him feel like he can't do anything without my permission. That im an authoritative figure. But i don't feel im that way. Just over the last year i have stayed silent on a lot of things. Like he wanted to start his business (51% my funding), i supported him. Have him all my money. Although i would have been more than happy with him continuing with his job. Then he wanted a new bigger tv to replace our 2 year old tv, i didnt say anything. He wanted to automate the house although i feel insecure that our entire house can be controlled through a cell phone, i still didn't say anything. Then there's the car, eventhough we are in a huge business debt, and neither of us is working, he still got the car, i didnt say anything. This one little thing i barely mention that i dont think it will look good, and that i like the silver rims. He blew up saying he had nothing that he can do without having to take permission. Oh these are just a few things, there's lots more things that he just goes and gets and tells me i dont have a say in it.


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

StarFires said:


> It's time you went back to work. You claim he doesn't control anything you do, but you don't seem to realize he effectively controlled you very well to shut you up, make you accept that the car obviously is not yours and never was, to not even have a problem with the fact that you clearly did NOT receive a birthday present of any kind and only got his lie to make you think you did, and then come here trying to figure out what YOU did to HIM because he cried foul in order to control you into thinking he's the one that was somehow offended.
> 
> Go back to work so you don't have to depend on a man and be controlled by him like this. Are you going to do anything about this situation? I bet you won't because he'll scream and hollar to shut you down again and you will be too afraid to stand your ground for fear that he might leave you. You don't have a leg to stand on because he feeds you and provides the roof over your head. You will regret it if you don't go back to work because he will never stop doing this kind of thing and finding other ways to control you. There's no telling how often he does it since you didn't even realize that he did it with this situation and just claimed that he doesn't control you. You don't see that he did an incredibly great job of it. You didn't even realize that YOUR car was paying for your birthday present to himself. If you ever get to a point that you want to leave or HAVE to leave, you won't because you won't have the resources to get out. Goodness forbid that he ever throws you out.
> 
> ...


Thanks girl, you gave me a lot of courage and validation for the way i think. I would love to go back to work. It really made me feel empowered, but i think with him starting the business, i really need to focus on the kids. I dont want them to feel neglected with both of us being so unavailable. The arent even in school yet.


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

*A man's perspective...*

Ive posted on the ladies forum, and get a lot of personal help from them, but also wanted to get a male perspective to understand my hubbys side of things.

So this is an ongoing communication and respect issue for us. We've been married for 9 years and its the same argument. We both feel disrespected and im not sure who is the one actually being disrespectful.

So he recently bought me a really nice car for my birthday. Configured it and found one showroom model, and just before he hit the purchase button, he decided to run it by me quickly saying its my birthday present. So i assume the car is mine right. Although im not for buying a new car at this point since we both are not working, and have a huge debt trying to start a new business. Still i agree coz i know hes ready to hit submit on this, so saying no is just going too cause a huge fight and hes going to go buy it anyway. So a few weeks go by, and now he wants to paint the rims, so assuming its my car i tell him my opinion that i like the silver better. A week later he goes and buys the paint ready to paint the wheels. I tell him again no i don't want it painted, and he throws a fit saying he doesnt get to do anything he wants and always has to get my permission for everything. Goes on to swear at me in front of my daughter, and tells me its not my car it's his car so he doesnt need my permission for anything. 

I am upset at him, he ignores me for 2 days and goes ahead with painting the rims. Am i wrong to be upset with him? Did i disrespect him in anyway? Am i not supposed to have any opinion in this case when it comes to cars? Hey im passionate about cars too. I want to be involved in this matter. Maybe I'm not as passionate as him but still....


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

*Re: A man's perspective...*

You sound like you are both immature for your ages. Neither one of you has a real job, you have small children , and he chose to buy a new car. It is wrong of him to act this way towards your wishes, but you entered voluntary helplessness when you quit your job. 

And plasti-dip painting your rims is totally trailer park.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

*Re: A man's perspective...*



Maxwedge 413 said:


> And plasti-dip painting your rims is totally trailer park.


But it's perfect for trips to Walmart and stuff.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

*Re: A man's perspective...*



Rhubarb said:


> But it's perfect for trips to Walmart and stuff.


That's true. I could always use an excuse to go to wally world. And, I have plasti-dip in the garage for water-proofing electronics, but not on my car. Low-rent.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

*Re: A man's perspective...*

No there's no communication issue here. He bought you a car for YOUR birthday. So it's your car unless...

It's in his name & who's paying insurance for it?

Does he have his own car?

If you're at a point in your marriage where you have a business, I'm assuming a mortgage, two kids and household costs to pay for, and you're buying a car (assuming it's on credit) with the tacit knowledge that it's your car, what possible hope do you have for running a successful business and agreeing on establishing limits to spending and allocation of resources?


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

*Re: A man's perspective...*

Having read the other thread I'll double down on what I said but I'm frankly astonished that you both agreed to start a business knowing what kind of ongoing issues you both have.

If he buys you a car for your birthday then turns around and says it's his and he doesn't need to ask for anything what hope do you have for running and growing a successful business with the added pressures of raising children and household responsibilities?

Have you tried MC?


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Rhubarb said:
> 
> 
> > But it's perfect for trips to Walmart and stuff.
> ...


Thays actually also why i said i didn't want it. I think it looks cheap. It's a $80k car, why would you cheap or on the rims. He said it was reversible, but I've seen him do iut on his G before and it looks horrible when ur comes off. Its worn off the original sheen according to me, but ofcourse i don't know anything about cars and am not allowed to have am opinion. Also He apparently used to get compliments on his G all the time, so clearly im wrong.


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

BobSimmons said:


> Having read the other thread I'll double down on what I said but I'm frankly astonished that you both agreed to start a business knowing what kind of ongoing issues you both have.
> 
> If he buys you a car for your birthday then turns around and says it's his and he doesn't need to ask for anything what hope do you have for running and growing a successful business with the added pressures of raising children and household responsibilities?
> 
> Have you tried MC?


Well he's good at what he does no doubt, and i was trying to be a supportive wife and not crush his dreams. For the last 9 years i have been hinting for MC, he didn't go for it. Today after i begged him and cried, he agreed to it. So let's see if that helps...

He's not a bad person really, he loves me, he loves the kids, but there is something very selfish about him. When something doesnt go his way, all that love, respect fires out the window. He's also an only child, which im not sure matters, but he has issues sharing anything and everything. Like he gets upset at restaurants if i want a taste of his food or if the kids want it. I know better not to ask anymore. If the kids ask, he just orders another one instead of just giving them a bite. Then we either waste a bunch of food or he stuffs himself with all of it just to prove a point.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Lrentz said:


> Thays actually also why i said i didn't want it. I think it looks cheap. It's a $80k car, why would you cheap or on the rims. He said it was reversible, but I've seen him do iut on his G before and it looks horrible when ur comes off. Its worn off the original sheen according to me, but ofcourse i don't know anything about cars and am not allowed to have am opinion. Also He apparently used to get compliments on his G all the time, so clearly im wrong.


This reminded me of a story of when I was younger. My friend and I were into muscle cards. He had a 66 Mustang and we were in the shop getting new rims for it. So this guy comes in with like a 69 doge charger, and we liked it except for the rims. It had these tiny gold plated rims and rubber band tires on it, like you would put on a hopped up Datsun 510. So I said to my friend he must have just had those lying around and put them on the car just to drive it to the shop. And as It turned out he was in fact buying new tires and rims. 

So we start taking to the guy and we find out he had bought the old rims just last week for the Charger?!?! My friend and I were kind of giving each other glances and trying to contain our laughter. I mean you could literally see the back of the wheel wells behind the tires. Somehow he thought it would look cool, to have it low to the ground because his friends had done similar stuff with their cars, but he missed the fact that his buddies all had small Japanese cars. When he took his car to show his friends they all said it looked completely stupid, which of course it did. At least the new set he was buying looked good. I guess sometimes you just need an unbiased opinion to set you straight.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Your husband has no idea what marriage and partnership means. He just wants to do whatever he wants whether you like it or not. He doesn't understand that it's not your permission he needs. You are not his mother and are not trying to be. But he does need to consult you and the two of you make decisions together, come to agreement on things or they don't get done. He sounds like a teenager terrorizing you to shut you up, and you dutifully shut up.

But you also sound too young to know what is best for you and your family. You have given up everything for him and your kids. That also is not what marriage is about. You don't know the trouble you are headed for and you're not listening to people trying to tell you that you're in VERY big trouble with a husband like that. I cannot believe you gave him all our money to quit his job and start his business. You should have gone back to work then to give the business a year or two to prove itself. As badly as you REALLY need to go back to work, I can't believe you are refusing to go and using your children as the reason. Surely you realize that when you are regretting all of these decisions, that your children will be in the same boat along with you, and you are the one creating the dire necessity of needing to have gone back to work when you should have. Most kids have both parents working. Plenty of kids only have one parent and that parent works. You can go to work part time or full time to make sure you have some financial security, financial independence, and build your nest egg back up because you have an idiot for a husband who is too stupid to look out for his family. It doesn't matter that he loves you. What matters is that he is immature, and that poses considerable danger to your finances and to your marriage. You are each making some pretty bad decisions. As a young woman, you are not listening to good advice. You are determined to learn the hard way. Learn that you have to be the one looking out for your children, not just looking after them.

An 80 thousand dollar car is ridiculous.
And you have no business humiliating yourself to beg your husband, of all people, for anything.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I would have been upset with the guy buying me a car in the first place! That is a major financial purchase that needs to be discussed, now you're family is on the hook for payments for the next 4?/5?/6? years. Also if it was to be "your" car how could you not be involved in the process? Why wouldn't YOU not get to pick the best model or color to suit your needs?

And who the hell paints rims anymore? Especially on a brand new $80k car, even cheap wheel covers would look better than painted rims. I do have to ask though because I'm curious; what kind of car and what color did he paint the wheels? I'm thinking a visual will crack me up, I'm picturing a Range Rover with neon purple wheels. lol

What I see is a 34 year old man who acts like a child, sadly he probably sees his actions as manly but he is failing at being a good husband and a good role model to the children.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Lrentz said:


> I have always had a very strong opinion on things. I get that but my husband always takes my opinion as me commanding him as a man. Like for example he bought a very nice car for my birthday saying it was for me. Then he decides to paint the wheels, and i said it wouldnt look nice so i didnt want him to do it. Its my car after all, shouldnt i have some say in it. He throws a fit at me saying he never has a say in anything, and swears at me in front of the kids. And hes going to do it anyway coz he doesnt need my permission to do anything. Then he goes on to say its not your car its his car. Then i get upset at him for speaking to me like that. What bothers me is why my opinion on something when it doesnt go along with his has to be an issue of his manhood. Why did he think im telling him not do it. We were just having a normal conversation, and it escalated all of a sudden.
> 
> What makes it worse is that after he screamed at me, he just went about his life. He didnt speak to me for 2 days, and then went ahead and painted his wheels. Eventhough he knew i was upset with him for the way he spoke to me. Then he finishes painting and apologizes for the way he spoke to me, but hes not sorry for anything else he doesnt need my opinion when it comes to his car.
> 
> Here i thought it was our car.


So he bought your a car for your birthday, and now he says that it's his car? :scratchhead:

Does he understand the concept of gift-giving?


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

StarFires said:


> Your husband has no idea what marriage and partnership means. He just wants to do whatever he wants whether you like it or not. He doesn't understand that it's not your permission he needs. You are not his mother and are not trying to be. But he does need to consult you and the two of you make decisions together, come to agreement on things or they don't get done. He sounds like a teenager terrorizing you to shut you up, and you dutifully shut up.
> 
> But you also sound too young to know what is best for you and your family. You have given up everything for him and your kids. That also is not what marriage is about. You don't know the trouble you are headed for and you're not listening to people trying to tell you that you're in VERY big trouble with a husband like that. I cannot believe you gave him all our money to quit his job and start his business. You should have gone back to work then to give the business a year or two to prove itself. As badly as you REALLY need to go back to work, I can't believe you are refusing to go and using your children as the reason. Surely you realize that when you are regretting all of these decisions, that your children will be in the same boat along with you, and you are the one creating the dire necessity of needing to have gone back to work when you should have. Most kids have both parents working. Plenty of kids only have one parent and that parent works. You can go to work part time or full time to make sure you have some financial security, financial independence, and build your nest egg back up because you have an idiot for a husband who is too stupid to look out for his family. It doesn't matter that he loves you. What matters is that he is immature, and that poses considerable danger to your finances and to your marriage. You are each making some pretty bad decisions. As a young woman, you are not listening to good advice. You are determined to learn the hard way. Learn that you have to be the one looking out for your children, not just looking after them.
> 
> ...


I'm hearing you. I believe you are right. I need to dust off the ol resume. And start looking for a job.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Lrentz said:


> I'm hearing you. I believe you are right. I need to dust off the ol resume. And start looking for a job.


I honestly didn't mean to seem like I was bullying you. If you don't want to go back to work, then you won't. I just feel strongly that you should and hate to think you may later regret not going. There's another young woman on the board like yourself who trusted her husband so completely and allowed herself to be trapped into total dependence. And now his controlling and terrorizing her has escalated and gotten so out of hand that she wants to leave but can't. She earns a paycheck as his employee that she doesn't actually receive because he controls and spends the money however he wants, so she was denied public assistance because she receives an income that she cannot actually get her hands on. If she leaves, she will continue to be his employee on the books that show she is employed and receives an income but without any access to it. She needs a lawyer but can't afford one, and she's so jumbled up in his business tax-wise that she will never be able to pay all the taxes the IRS will levy on her. You are essentially doing the same that she did. If you want to leave, if he leaves you, if something happens to him (illness, an accident, or death), or if he makes bad decisions in the business (which you already know he makes bad decisions), you won't be able to take care of yourself, your children, or your place to live because you allowed him to convince you to give him everything you had - your money, your car, and your independence. Everything is in his name, so you can't lay claim to anything at all, not even your so-called car.

I know you cannot fathom your life and marriage ever coming to such a point that you have to regret your decisions, but that is life and it happens all the time. When life was good and worry-free during the years she was handing her life over to her husband, that young woman I mentioned also could not foresee the regret she would later experience. She is just one example of numerous because it happens more often than it doesn't, and the regret is always intense and life-changing.

Like I said, if you don't want to go back to work, then you won't. I didn't mean to bully you into shutting me up with your agreement. I wanted to give you food for thought in hopes you will make the right decision instead of the comfortable and romantic one. Your kids need you to look out for them to make sure you and they don't end up devasted because it simply does not makes sense to place yourself in someone else's hands and trust them so implicitly even if he is your husband. You can, and should, support your husband, but you can do that wisely by not turning yourself and everything you have over to him and losing your own identity and your own independence. Please don't end up regretting that you didn't listen to me.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

It sounds like your biggest problem is that your husband is a jerk. I'm sorry about that. It is treatable, but treatment rarely results in a cure.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Lrentz said:


> Oh i totally understand i have strong opinions. Not a new problem in our marriage. He's told me before that i make him feel like he can't do anything without my permission. That im an authoritative figure. But i don't feel im that way. Just over the last year i have stayed silent on a lot of things. Like he wanted to start his business (51% my funding), i supported him. Have him all my money. Although i would have been more than happy with him continuing with his job. Then he wanted a new bigger tv to replace our 2 year old tv, i didnt say anything. He wanted to automate the house although i feel insecure that our entire house can be controlled through a cell phone, i still didn't say anything. Then there's the car, eventhough we are in a huge business debt, and neither of us is working, he still got the car, i didnt say anything. This one little thing i barely mention that i dont think it will look good, and that i like the silver rims. He blew up saying he had nothing that he can do without having to take permission. Oh these are just a few things, there's lots more things that he just goes and gets and tells me i dont have a say in it.


I'm just going to come out and say it. Your husband is a complete imbecile. Only a complete imbecile would even THINK to throw $80,000 away on a car when he's not even working. I'm starting to believe this story isn't true because no one can be *THIS* ignorant without being required to wear a helmet out in public.

So...._is_ he required to wear a helmet out in public?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Neither my wife nor I make any four digit (over $1,000) purchases without discussing it and agreeing ahead of time, let alone a high five digit purchase like an automobile. With that in mind, I'm already concerned about the husband's behavior here, even before his reaction after the purchase. 

The fact that this was supposedly a gift, but the behavior has been that it is anything but a gift, destroys any premise of this purchase, the type of which should have been a joint decision, being anything he was actually _doing for his wife_, despite it being couched in that way. Clearly *he *did what *he *did because *he *thought that's what should be done and in his mind, no other input was required, or even welcomed. 

This reminds me of the episode of the Simpsons when Homer got Marge a bowling ball as a gift. Adding insult to injury, he then had it drilled and the three finger holes just happened to be a perfect fit for _his _hand. 

So to answer the original question, yes, this who episode reeks of disrespect. OP, tell him so in no uncertain terms, if he's not willing to let you be an equal partner in the marriage, it's really not much of a marriage--and it's not going to get better without some serious putting your foot down.


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

I dont feel bullied at all. I think you truly are right. I know i would love to gain the independence i had when i was working. Definitely had more respect. I always know in the back of my mind that it was the right thing to do and that i would go back once the kids were in school. But im definitely done being treated like im just a housewife whose opinion doesnt matter.

I know we are all hating on my hubby right now, but hes not an imbecile. He would be totally be onboard with me going back to work. He just has some stuff to work on, and i feel like i should try and help him with it no?? And at the same time help myself take back some respect.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Lrentz Your husband bought this car for you as your birthday present.

Really? Not really.

It was an afterthought/excuse which he figured would mean you couldn't say: "$80,000 on a new car? Are you *****ing me?"


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## Lrentz (Jul 3, 2015)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Neither my wife nor I make any four digit (over $1,000) purchases without discussing it and agreeing ahead of time, let alone a high five digit purchase like an automobile. With that in mind, I'm already concerned about the husband's behavior here, even before his reaction after the purchase.
> 
> The fact that this was supposedly a gift, but the behavior has been that it is anything but a gift, destroys any premise of this purchase, the type of which should have been a joint decision, being anything he was actually _doing for his wife_, despite it being couched in that way. Clearly *he *did what *he *did because *he *thought that's what should be done and in his mind, no other input was required, or even welcomed.
> 
> ...


So he did run the car purchase by me. He just had already done the research and found the showroom model that was already available and was ready to hit purchase when he talked to me. So felt compelled to say yes. Also he did truly convince me. 1) by saying it was for me 2) we would have no payments to make for 18 months atleast. By then the business would have picked up and if it doesnt then we just sell the car. We also had to get it before year end as there are tax subsidies for electric cars


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Lrentz said:


> So he did run the car purchase by me. He just had already done the research and found the showroom model that was already available and was ready to hit purchase when he talked to me. So felt compelled to say yes. Also he did truly convince me. 1) by saying it was for me 2) we would have no payments to make for 18 months atleast. By then the business would have picked up and if it doesnt then we just sell the car. We also had to get it before year end as there are tax subsidies for electric cars


Thanks for the clarification. I understand the time crunch as well--we went through the same thing when we bought our first hybrid.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Lrentz said:


> So he did run the car purchase by me. He just had already done the research and found the showroom model that was already available and was ready to hit purchase when he talked to me. So felt compelled to say yes. Also he did truly convince me. 1) by saying it was for me 2) we would have no payments to make for 18 months atleast. By then the business would have picked up and if it doesnt then we just sell the car. We also had to get it before year end as there are tax subsidies for electric cars


For the record I cringe when I hear people make a statement like this as if it's good financial sense. You sold your old car right? A car that was paid off or close to being paid off correct? So by taking that money and throwing it at a new car while jumping back in on a long term payment commitment in NO way means you are "payment free" for 18 months. That's money that could be used otherwise. That and the guy buys an $80,000 ride on payments HOPING his new business will take off is terrible financial planning, just terrible.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The car was never really for you -- your birthday just happened to be a good excuse -- so your opinion about how to "enhance" it never mattered. And won't matter in the future. 

Respect goes both ways.


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