# This article was written by a Woman stating women are better at being Unfaithful



## SoulStorm (Jul 17, 2012)

*Think men are the unfaithful sex? A study shows WOMEN are the biggest cheats - they're just better at lying about it*
By Maureen Rice 



_Are men or women more likely to cheat? While men have always had a worse reputation for being unfaithful, recent studies show that women are catching up fast - but we are a lot more likely to lie about it, and a lot less likely to get caught. 

Simply put, it seems that women are better at having affairs than men. 

The news that Farrah Fawcett had a secret affair for 11 years without telling a soul is a classic example of the way a woman cheats: discreetly, in secret, and while carrying on with the rest of her life as normal. 


It has been met with hot denials by Ryan O'Neal, but - and I'm sorry to break it to you this way, Ryan - you'd be the last to know. 

According to Dr David Holmes, a psychologist at Manchester Metropolitan University, women are having more affairs than ever - recent studies say the figure is around 20 per cent for men and a bit over 15 per cent for women - but they behave very differently from men when they cheat.
'The biggest difference is that women are much better at keeping their affairs secret,' he says. 'If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that between eight and 15 per cent of children haven't been fathered by the man who thinks he's the biological parent.' 

That's a lot of women keeping a lot of secrets. One woman I know - let's call her Juliet - has been married to Adrian for ten years, and having an affair with Mark for the past two. 

She has told me and her sister - otherwise, she says, she's '100 per cent certain' that nobody else knows.
'I won't allow Mark to call me on my mobile or email me, ever. Mobiles and email leave a trail. I insist we talk on our office landlines, and when we meet for drinks or dinner, we pay with cash. 

'We work in the same field, so meeting for lunch doesn't look suspicious. If we meet in the evening, I tell Adrian I'm with my sister, and meet Mark a few miles away, where we won't bump into anyone.' 



Does she feel guilty about the affair? 'Not so long as Adrian doesn't find out. You know the 11th commandment: don't get caught.' 

Women have always had affairs, but over the past 20 years that number has risen dramatically.
Jobs outside the home - with the ready-made excuse of working late or business travel - financial independence and changing social attitudes mean that modern women simply have more opportunity to meet other men and start affairs. 

Mobile phones, internet chat rooms and email also make it easier to fuel intimate encounters. 

But while women's lives and sexual behaviour might have changed, their willingness to be honest about it hasn't. 

We lie so much that often we don't even think of it as lying at all, but as 'relationship management'The truth is that we have always lied about our sex lives. British men consistently claim to have had more partners than women - the current average is 13, while women claim to have had only nine. 

Plainly, someone is lying here. While men might exaggerate their sexual conquests, the bigger liars are women. 

When studies about sexual partners or fidelity use a mixture of face-to-face interviews and anonymous computer questionnaires, men will give the same answers to both, but women will report much higher numbers when the answers are anonymous. 

Why do women lie? Because we must, and because we can. In spite of apparent equality and a more sexually open society, we are still more harshly judged for our sex lives than men. 

Can you imagine a leading female politician having an affair and her husband standing loyally by her? 




Or the reaction to a female CEO having a public affair with her young male assistant? 

There is something particularly humiliating for a man about being made a cuckold. So we lie to protect ourselves from the judgments of others, and because sexual 'reputation' still matters more to women, whether we like it or not. 

But we also lie naturally and instinctively, as a way to manage and control our relationships, to protect our partners and our families, and to keep our options open. 

In fact, we lie so much and for so many reasons that often we don't even think of it as lying at all, but as 'relationship management'. 

Women are taught to lie from childhood. Those simple, altruistic lies such as saying we've had a lovely time when we haven't, that someone looks nice when she doesn't, or that we're delighted with a gift we don't really like, are just some of the small ways that lying oils the wheels of our social lives, keeps the peace, and makes other people happy. 

Girls will lie to protect someone's feelings or to build a relationship. Honesty, in these circumstances, looks highly overrated, and we quickly learn the value and power of being economical with the truth in relationships. 

Many women also develop a habit of secrecy about smaller issues in their relationship as a way of maintaining some kind of control. 

It's common, for example, for women to lie to their partners about how much money they have spent - even when they don't need to. 



It's not just a question of avoiding the inevitable row over the 'worth it' factor of a pair of killer heels, but of holding something back in order to maintain a sense of emotional independence, and to balance out the power we might feel our partner has in other aspects of the relationship. 

A recent survey by a leading building society also found that women are much more likely than men to have a 'secret' account with money their partner knows nothing about.
'My mother always used to say that you should never tell a man everything,' says Clare, 38, 'and I thought it was rubbish. I believed in total honesty.
'But now I agree with her. Why explain yourself over every little thing? Why have a huge row over something he needn't even know about? I never tell him about my girlfriends' secrets, because he'd be judgmental and disapproving. 

Women are better liars because they're more psychologically sophisticated 'I don't have a secret account, but I'm not completely honest about how much money I spend. If he doesn't know, he doesn't miss it.' 

Harmless? Maybe. But it's easy to see how a climate of withholding and keeping smaller secrets can easily lead to bigger ones.
'Women are better liars because they're more psychologically sophisticated,' says Dr Holmes. 'You can argue about whether it's nature or nurture, but women are programmed to be much more relationship and people orientated than men. 

'Emotionally, they make plans and have strategies, while men are more impulsive.' 

From a young age, he says, women will start to consider the kind of life they want, what kind of job or house they aspire to, how many children they'd like and what kind of partner. 

'Most men don't really develop that facility until they're much older. They live, psychologically, in the moment, while women think around corners and two steps ahead.' 




We're also better at mental multi-tasking. 'You can keep all the different strands of a lie in your minds, remember them and make them convincing.' 

Men lie, too, but they are much more likely to forget something, or make a mistake and get caught out. 

When men have affairs, he says, they tend to be bigger risk-takers and naïve about how obvious their cheating is to an emotionally astute partner. They will also be bursting to tell someone about it. 

'Men have more "trophy affairs" than women. They will often want to brag about it, or be so taken up by the sexual thrill of the affair that their behaviour is a giveaway.'
Women, on the other hand, are much more cool and rational, even when they're in the grip of passion. 

'It's a myth that they're more romantic. They may confide in one or two very close women friends, but they compartmentalise their emotional lives and don't let the affair bleed into the rest of their lives.' 

Like Farrah Fawcett, a former colleague of mine, Susan, now 50, had a long-term affair with Brian, a salesman she met, ironically enough, when she was buying her husband a car as a surprise 40th birthday present. 

'I was clear from the start that I'd never leave my husband and family. Brian kept me sane during some of the tougher years of my marriage, but he was strictly for snatched afternoons off and the odd "working weekend" away,' she says. 

Susan adds: 'We made each other laugh and our sex life was wonderful. But Brian was a permanent "man-child" - a great lover, but not the kind of man you'd marry. 

'He was always overdrawn, always teetering on the edge of some crisis that he'd just laugh off. I never wanted to live with him.' 

The affair ended amicably after eight years, with her husband none the wiser. 

Cheating is never pretty, but lying about it doesn't necessarily make it worse. Often, our lies are meant to shield our partners and families from pain. We tell ourselves that if nobody knows, nobody gets hurt. 

Dr Holmes says: 'Often, women keep the secret because they're much more conscious of how much there is to lose, and to protect the other people involved. If she has children, she'll be especially careful that they aren't hurt in any way by the knowledge of what she's doing.' 

If you asked unfaithful men if they think their wives or girlfriends have had affairs, too, they will be shocked at the very thought Like my friend Juliet, who has become so good at lying to her husband that she surprises even herself.
'Adrian and I have drifted apart, but he's a nice man, a good father. He doesn't deserve to be hurt, and I have no intention of letting my son grow up without his father.' 

Biologically, too, women are programmed to be more careful about revealing an infidelity. 

In purely evolutionary terms, men are programmed to sleep with lots of women, and women are programmed to attract and retain a quality mate. 

Dr Holmes adds: 'She will be very canny and keep her options open until she decides which of the men she is going to choose.' 

Another reason women lie more about their affairs is simply that they can get away with it. 

Historically, a man has put a higher value on the fidelity of his woman because he needs to be sure that any children she has are really his. 

This seems to produce a strange kind of emotional blindness in many men, once they've selected a partner to settle down with. 

'Whenever we question men about fidelity,' says Dr Holmes, 'they will very often admit to their affairs. 

'But if you then ask the same men if they think their wives or girlfriends have had affairs, too, they will be shocked at the very thought, or laugh and call it ridiculous.' 

In other words, men want to think women don't cheat, and women want men to think they don't cheat. No wonder we're better at secret affairs. _


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Wow very interesting. Still a generalization of the sexes, but interesting. It makes me think of a new tactic for married couples....Random Poly tests every few years. Both partners conduct one together. "Hello honey its our anniversary and annual poly test. If we both pass I have a special day planned" lol huuuh.......hmmmm maybe I'm on to something.


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## SoulStorm (Jul 17, 2012)

Ha! I don't think that's going to fly Alpha..lol
:rofl:


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

I really starting to think its a good idea. If your not guilty then you have no worries about it. Imagine having an agreement with your fiance that during your marriage there will be several poly test to check for infidelity from a EA and PA. Only certain questions will be asked that will distinctly detect the difference between the two. Consider it an act of goodwill to your spouse to prove your commitment and trustworthiness.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I was reading a book about female infidelity which said essentially the same thing.

IF a woman strays, she strays longer and is much more discrete about it and I sort of believe it.

But a big part of this is which factor is most important to the relative genders.

A man in an 'affair' with Candy is going to want to have sex frequently. Each such interaction is a potential 'discovery point'.

Women, according to the interviews, were happy as long as they could constantly 'connnect' with their other in EA and PA ways. While they would prefer more 'touch time' they'd just as happily have frequent phone conversations with a physical aspect every few months or even every year. Because the discretion was the most important part of the affair.

They don't want to be caught because they'll be a **** and they know they will do worse off financially. Since the OM will happily have sex whenever she lets him, it's a win for her and gives her a sense of control.

Eh. But nobody is perfect.


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## SoulStorm (Jul 17, 2012)

I agree JCD.
Both women and men will have a hard time letting go. In my experience I see that it is the woman that usually has a harder time letting go.
They are hooked on that emotional connection and will often give in to further contact after NC has been established.

Not discounting the men...we can be that way too. Most of the time the cheating for men is just for the physical. 
Make no mistakes ladies who are reading this. That man is only giving you the emotional aspect just to get to the physical. No matter how "GOOOD" of a guy you think he is, he wants the goodies.

I found it interesting how the woman that wrote this article put it all out there.
Just makes me more aware of the fairer sex.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

AlphaHalf said:


> Wow very interesting. Still a generalization of the sexes, but interesting. It makes me think of a new tactic for married couples....Random Poly tests every few years. Both partners conduct one together. "Hello honey its our anniversary and annual poly test. If we both pass I have a special day planned" lol huuuh.......hmmmm maybe I'm on to something.


Annual polygraph plus an under the skin tracking chip and biometric recorder chip. "Hon, you said you were at work but your chip says you were at the Motel 6 on Route 24 and your heart rate was at about 130 for 45 minutes. Care to explain?"


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## SoulStorm (Jul 17, 2012)

Women would be insulted by those poly and biometric chip suggestions.. I was once one who believed in blind trust...but never again. I will trust, but not blindly. That's laying groundwork to be a doormat.

I also find it hard to believe that it's men who cheat more.
If the men are cheating..they are cheating with a woman..unless he's gay or even bi. That woman is either married, in a relationship or single.

I believe that women may be cheating more..they are just more discreet about it and very good at hiding it.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

SoulStorm said:


> Women would be insulted by those poly and biometric chip suggestions.. I was once one who believed in blind trust...but never again. I will trust, but not blindly. That's laying groundwork to be a doormat.
> 
> I also find it hard to believe that it's men who cheat more.
> If the men are cheating..they are cheating with a woman..unless he's gay or even bi. That woman is either married, in a relationship or single.
> ...


Actually, my example didn't mention gender. If the day ever comes that people start doing that I expect men and women will get the same number of implants.


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## SoulStorm (Jul 17, 2012)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Actually, my example didn't mention gender. If the day ever comes that people start doing that I expect men and women will get the same number of implants.


You are right..I apologize. You did not mention gender. Interesting concept though. Talk about a gesture of loyalty. That would be like having a high tech tattoo.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Probably more to do with men being constanly taugh that women are the fairer sex and women being taught that men will cheat as soon as they get the oppurtunity. So when you see a man come on here posting about his wife hanging out with her co-workers until all times of night it takes eight pages of "she isn't like that" before he decides her infidelity is a very serious possibility. It takes women about 2 pages to get to that conclusion


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

So...A woman's job in life, biologically speaking, is to:

Find a very Alpha male, that is very commanding and young, to have sex with. Then get pregnant with his child. 

Then to find a very beta male, to take care of her, and trick into raising the child. She rewards the beta male with sex so he thinks it is his, and keeps her around. 

Then she goes back out, finds an alpha male again, and has sex again, to repeat the whole cycle over with probably the same beta male.....

I wonder how common this type of behavior was before feminism.



Well, now I know why marriage is on the decline...for men that is. Holds all sorts of benefits for women. Not too many for men.....


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Women are better at deluding themselves they haven't been discovered.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Perhaps the lesson here for men is to never ever just give her a pass on any little detail. The gist I got from the article is that women play a more devious game of lies and deceit, they are willing to throw out false leads or engage others as cover.

So the lesson for the man is to not accept cover stories, not to think because I check and found nothing, she must not be cheating after all. Always be vigilant, trust but verify, and be ready to go nuke when your gut says sonething is off.

These women rely on their husbands accepting their stories and over looking red flags.

So you can either try to play their game OR and I think this is the better play you can dump and walk away from any woman who engages in games like this.


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

I think we have actually come to an age where it is 
"who cheats less" rather than "who dares to cheat in the first place" for both men and women.


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Perhaps the lesson here for men is to never ever just give her a pass on any little detail. The gist I got from the article is that women play a more devious game of lies and deceit, they are willing to throw out false leads or engage others as cover.
> 
> So the lesson for the man is to not accept cover stories, not to think because I check and found nothing, she must not be cheating after all. Always be vigilant, trust but verify, and be ready to go nuke when your gut says sonething is off.
> 
> These women rely on their husbands accepting their stories and over looking red flags.


And we do readily accept cover stories and overlook red flags, I personally overlooked some red flags that were so glaring that I want to slap myself now that I know better. 

I will always follow my gut feelings now, it was right all along.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Perhaps the lesson here for men is to never ever just give her a pass on any little detail. The gist I got from the article is that women play a more devious game of lies and deceit, they are willing to throw out false leads or engage others as cover.
> 
> So the lesson for the man is to not accept cover stories, not to think because I check and found nothing, she must not be cheating after all. Always be vigilant, trust but verify, and be ready to go nuke when your gut says sonething is off.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

It is also very hard for a man to fight against a woman he loves when she's crying, and begging.

When she throws in that award winning emotional act, all his defences fall down.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> Women are better at deluding themselves they haven't been discovered.


and men are better at deluding themselves that their wives will go back to being the person they were before they cheated it seems :/


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## SoulStorm (Jul 17, 2012)

Some women do use the crying and begging as a tool to bring down the man's defenses. I have even read some posts where women say "he fell for it". These are very manipulative women and I do not believe all women are like that, but those who are make a game of it.

No man wants to believe his woman is sending sext messages or being emotional and physical with another guy. No woman wants this either.
I see it all the time..denial.
I believe most women are shocked when he gets angry and tosses them out once he has concrete proof.
They didn't expect him to do that.
In the case of infidelity..discretion will never be the better part of valor.
And it is the sheer utter discretion and lies that will eventually throw anyone (man or woman) over the top.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

anonim said:


> and men are better at deluding themselves that their wives will go back to being the person they were before they cheated it seems :/


could be could be. I don't know.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

who cheats more.



1. women have it eaiser ....most average looking women can walk into any place and within a few minutes be going home with a man.

2.refer to # 1


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

I think men are better liars than women so i disagree with this article. I base this off of my experience as a psychologist and being a lawyer now.


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## DangerousCurves (Jul 18, 2012)

Interesting...

But I don't believe it.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

men and women lie,cheat,steal,and have poor morels equaly in my opinion.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Each incident and the parties involved are different.
I do think that women possess an innate aptitude for hiding
their indiscretions. For one thing, very few men enter into a relationship for financial security. This isn't as true for women or at least it wasn't twenty years ago. Now with many more women in the work force, they don't have as great a need to remain true to their spouse since they can easily support themselves should the need arise.
They may not be the stronger gender, but they surely are the most deceptive and can pull off an affair for far longer than any guy could ever do it.


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