# My husband isn't talking to me



## Haleybop14 (Jun 17, 2014)

My husband stopped talking to me several days ago an seems like he has turned his family against me to which I live next door too. I have no family here as to I moved 900 miles away from them when we married 9 years ago . I just wanted I guess to put my feelings down because I go thru so much mental anguish with him when he calls me names an thinks he's better than me when really he wouldn't be where he is now if it weren't for me. I'm just so depressed that I wish I wasn't on this earth sometimes ... I know that sounds silly but I feel like it really wouldn't matter to him and it is killing me inside ! Sorry if I have wasted anyone's time reading this I just had to get this off my chest


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

He sounds like a horrible person! What is there that's GOOD about him/your relationship with him?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Why isn't he talking to you? 

Is this something he does often?


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

What happened? Why is he not talking to you and why would he turn his family on you?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

staarz21 said:


> What happened? Why is he not talking to you and why would he turn his family on you?


Only reason I could see being like that is if she cheated on him or something.

If not, then I agree, he sounds like an azz and control freak.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I can't imagine putting up with the silent treatment. And if you are feeling suicidal over this, it is time to leave, OP. 

Do you have children? A job?


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

Not enough information here. What's your part in this? I don't think it's fair to call him a jerk or blame you, this is so little info that we can't really help you.

Provide a lot more info, or go see a counselor and open up to that person.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Long done, when is the silent treatment ever justified in marriage?


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

jld said:


> Long done, when is the silent treatment ever justified in marriage?


Usually not ever, but if the husband is hot headed, his best bet might be to withdraw until he cools off, however long that takes.

It's childish, but it might be better than getting into repeated heated arguments, which escalate into physical fighting and abuse.

I personally withdraw if I get too hot headed...I never ever want to hit a lady, so I prefer to go silent if I feel like I'm getting no where. 

On top of withdraw, I may talk out my feelings with my family or friends and get their independent perspective on the issue, to see if I may be totally out of touch with reality or if I actually have a valid point. Seems the OP's husband may be doing the same thing...which may not be fair, but if he's not talking with family then his only options is counseling.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

long_done said:


> I personally withdraw if I get too hot headed...I never ever want to hit a lady, so I prefer to go silent if I feel like I'm getting no where.
> 
> On top of withdraw, I may talk out my feelings with my family or friends and get their independent perspective on the issue, to see if I may be totally out of touch with reality or if I actually have a valid point.


There's a big difference to taking some time to cool down and not speaking at all to your spouse for days on end. My husband would be in a for a big shock if he ever tried that crap with me - he'd no longer have a wife.

Talking to family about marital issues is a BIG no no. If he can't talk to a counsellor or a close friend he should keep his mouth shut.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

frusdil said:


> There's a big difference to taking some time to cool down and not speaking at all to your spouse for days on end. My husband would be in a for a big shock if he ever tried that crap with me - he'd no longer have a wife.


:iagree:


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

My wife has used the silent treatment on me more times than I would like, but it's been at most a matter of hours, never days. That just seems sick to be honest.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

How is it going with your wife these days, John?


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I'd rather not jack the thread.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You said he wouldn't be where he is in life if it weren't for you.
So take that energy and put it in yourself and you will be somewhere good too. Maybe it will be somewhere other than where he and his family is. Why stay somewhere nobody is talking to you? It's a free country, are you following some kind of rules and constraints without a real reason to that benefits you, both short term and long term. Sure, he will accuse you of all kinds of things and give all kinds of insults if you leave, but so long as you know they're not true who cares, it just makes him a bully who doesn't know what he's talking about. There are plenty of people in the world who are kind and say kind things and treat people respectfully.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> *Why isn't he talking to you?*
> 
> Is this something he does often?


This is important. What she's calling "the silent treatment" could very well be what we call "the 180".

Maybe her husband has been to TAM as well? Maybe he started browsing the site "several days ago"...?


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> This is important. What she's calling "the silent treatment" could very well be what we call "the 180".
> 
> Maybe her husband has been to TAM as well? Maybe he started browsing the site "several days ago"...?


I don't know much about the textbook definition of the 180 but would that be part of it? I'm curious.

My sense of the 180 is it's generally about being assertive of your own needs in the relationship, reversing a pattern of being submissive. I would think to be effective you should be communicating extensively.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I don't know much about the textbook definition of the 180 but would that be part of it? I'm curious.
> 
> My sense of the 180 is it's generally about being assertive of your own needs in the relationship, reversing a pattern of being submissive. I would think to be effective you should be communicating extensively.



180 works by separating yourself emotional from all manner of abuse and attending to your own needs.

The Healing Heart: The 180


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

jld said:


> Long done, when is the silent treatment ever justified in marriage?


In comparison to name calling, I'd say its an improvement!

So why are you with him OP?


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## Advocado (Feb 24, 2010)

Hopefully we'll get some more info from the OP but extended silent treatment just isn't healthy. Sure - take some time to cool down if needed, but after a few hours real communication needs to resume. 

OP, if you're feeling like you don't want to be in this world you really need to get some support for yourself, like NOW. Find someone to talk (Samaritans). 

Also the link in my signature might help.


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

frusdil said:


> My husband would be in a for a big shock if he ever tried that crap with me - he'd no longer have a wife.


But what about the covenant you made with him, promising "for better or worse," and "until death do us part"? Sounds like you don't care much about promises.....I mean.....maybe you do, but only as long as he's in a good mood.

Hypocrites everywhere.......


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## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

> But what about the covenant you made with him, promising "for better or worse," and "until death do us part"? Sounds like you don't care much about promises.....I mean.....maybe you do, but only as long as he's in a good mood.
> 
> Hypocrites everywhere.......


Interesting.

So you think the marriage contract means that a spouse should have no standards to live up to? That no matter what someone does, you should have to stay married to them?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

changedbeliefs said:


> But what about the covenant you made with him, promising "for better or worse," and "until death do us part"? Sounds like you don't care much about promises.....I mean.....maybe you do, but only as long as he's in a good mood.
> 
> Hypocrites everywhere.......


I didn't sign up to be abused in any way, shape or form when I got married. Neither did my husband. The silent treatment is a form of abuse and is a very effective way of controlling someone.

I was in an abusive relationship prior to my husband. No one will EVER do that to me again.

If that makes me a hypocrite, well then I guess I am.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

OP was a one and done poster...you guys can make a thread carry on even without OP's participation. There must be some sort of award for that


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## ricsix (Jun 24, 2014)

There are times that I don't speak to my wife when we have disagreements. Sometimes we just disagree and there's nothing to be said. 
I love her and I respect her opposing opinion, but I would never insult her our make her feel bad with a verbal attack. Who wins with hurtful things that are said?, especially in a marriage.
Time to make an exit. There are men out there. Actual men, not guys. I'm sure there's one for you. 
Be strong. Be strong for yourself. The quality of life is probably one of the most important things. "To thine own self be true..."


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

frusdil said:


> There's a big difference to taking some time to cool down and not speaking at all to your spouse for days on end. My husband would be in a for a big shock if he ever tried that crap with me - he'd no longer have a wife.


Easy to say you'd walk out and divorce your husband if he didn't speak to you for a few days.

A lot harder in actual practice.


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