# why do some companies do this



## goyaboard1 (Aug 7, 2012)

Hi all,
its coming up to that time of year when companies have parties etc. The company my wife works for is having a dinner followed by some dancing kind of do. They are inviting another company along that they deal with by phone or email so they rarely meat each other.
The deal is that they have decided that no spouses or partners are invited. Surely that is a decision for my wife to make , not some jumped up boss who is trying to set the scene for some tom foolery.
I just find the notion a bit disrespectful to be honest, its like being dismissed as something insignificant.
rant over


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If my spouse weren't welcome, I wouldn't go.


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## ella1048 (Apr 11, 2013)

I'm not going to speak for other companies....but....my company has a department only party once a year...that means OUR dept head takes us out for a "Holiday Dinner"....no spouses or significant others are allowed....it's not a "late nite" but it is an after hours event....I'm presuming it's for budgetary purposes that no spouses are asked to attend.

My H works for a company that puts on a company-wide holiday party...that company TOO does not allow significant others/spouses to attend, but is held during work hours.

Not sure what to tell you, but I wouldn't jump the gun immediately thinking that her or her company is trying to act disrespectfully....

That being said, can you make an agreement with her that you're fine with her attending the dinner, but can she not go to the "after party" with dancing?

None of this sounds "sketchy" to me...


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

ella1048 said:


> That being said, can you make an agreement with her that you're fine with her attending the dinner, but can she not go to the "after party" with dancing?
> 
> None of this sounds "sketchy" to me...


Agree with part 1. Dinner okay. Dancing no. 

Disagree with the second part. The after party is VERY sketchy. 
It it is two companies of 100 people each you KNOW several marrieds are going to end up drunk and horizontal.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Dinner = OK
Dancing = Not OK


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

My husband's job, when we first started dating, would host Holiday Parties where the SOs were welcome. As time went on, these holiday parties got smaller & smaller. Now, they just do a luncheon for the employees during business hours - no SOs welcome. Budget issues were the reason as to why the parties got smaller & smaller until now it's "no SOs allowed".

Could that be the case with your wife's job?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Up until last year, my companies holiday party was employee and spouses invited. Last year, they decided to exclude spouses. My department has about ten people in it, and the only person to attend was the only single person. If they do the same thing this year, it will likely be the same.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

JustTired said:


> My husband's job, when we first started dating, would host Holiday Parties where the SOs were welcome. As time went on, these holiday parties got smaller & smaller. Now, they just do a luncheon for the employees during business hours - no SOs welcome. Budget issues were the reason as to why the parties got smaller & smaller until now it's "no SOs allowed".
> 
> Could that be the case with your wife's job?


That's what my husband's company does too. I think they ought to either do a luncheon during the day for employees only or do a dinner in the evening for employees and so's, skip the dancing if not so's are invited.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My company includes significant others for the holiday party and some other events during the year. It is fully paid for, except a token $1 fee per person. Every year there's been an open bar before dinner, or at worst coupons for a limited number of free drinks. Usually, local management extends the open bar until later in the evening. There has always been a DJ or band and dancing after dinner.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Your wife always has a choice of "not being able to make it"....sick or.....maybe family members birthday....amongst million other excuses....

Don't try to make sense of why companies do the things they do, you will drive yourself insane.

My wife never goes to mine, can't blame her....I wouldn't go to hers either.......we both prefer not to go AT ALL, but sometimes you have to.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Because girlfriends and boyfriends and strippers and hookers.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I work for a small business and the business owner lets us choose where to have our holiday dinner.We always choose the best restaurants in the area.There are 6 of us total and the bill is usually somewhere around 2k after tipping. Our spouses and partners are excluded from this dinner and I respect that decision. I'd rather have the experience of an amazing restaurant,incredible wine,and all the fancy things than for him to start including spouse/partners and taking us somewhere cheaper. 
My DH's company is a small firm but they do include spouses/partners.The places his employer picks are kinda terrible. No one else has a say in where it takes place either.
I'd rather stay home and cook for us than get dressed up to eat a mediocre meal surrounded by people I don't really like that much. 

If the company doesn't include spouses it's usually linked to expense and doesn't have to mean something shady is happening. Your spouse/partner can always decline the dancing portion of the evening and come home after dinner. When my coworkers go out on the town after our holiday dinner I go straight home. It's not that difficult.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Not sure I agree with anything more than a dinner for an employee only event. Why would people want to go dancing at a dinner for employees only? I have not seen alcohol at a company sponsored event in years, to much liability.

My company holds a strictly employee only lunch every year at the holidays. Usually on Friday and everyone has the rest of the day off after the lunch. A lot of people do stay over and move to the venue's bar for drinks afterwards. At that point anyone can come.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

goyaboard1 said:


> The deal is that they have decided that no spouses or partners are invited. Surely that is a decision for my wife to make , not some jumped up boss who is trying to set the scene for some tom foolery.
> I just find the notion a bit disrespectful to be honest, its like being dismissed as something insignificant.
> rant over


It's the decision of the person paying for the festivities.If your wife is paying your way then the boss should allow you to be there. If he's/she's picking up your portion of the bill then no,they're under no obligation to invite you since you don't work there. 

How is minimizing expenses disrespectful to you specifically? You're taking it personal when it's just business. Even going so far as to take a personal attack on the boss calling him/her "jumped up" and accusing them of wanting nefarious things to go down simply bc they don't include spouses on the invites. As far as you feeling their decision makes you insignificant,you're not their employee so why would you be significant? Why would your feelings factor into their decision making process on the structure of their holiday party guest list? In defense of your feelings here I do think companies should give employees the option of paying the tab of their spouse/partner if they want that person to attend.

Employers and companies are not bound by law to have a party for their people.They do it bc they want to do it. If it's offensive to you then your wife can choose to not go at all.


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## ILuvTheDesserts (Aug 29, 2014)

My wife's company has an " employee only " Xmas party each year which she has attended for the last decade. 

They have a very large staff and the party easily amounts to over a thousand perhaps close to two each year. Thank God there has never been an issue with her attending with her female coworkers and her ass being home at a decent hour .... sober no less !!!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

a LOT of companies do this nowadays. I think it is because, unlike days of old where you saw everyone at work everyday, and were interested in meeting their wives....Now you likely only phone talk/text with people in your "office" all year long without seeing them. You need one big event to bring them all together so they can at least actually meet each other, have a few beers, get to know the person you email every other day from the other coast but have never actually met.

Yes it is disrespectful of the marriage! But times have changed, and the company is doing the party for a reason, to instill more interaction between employees who are on the road all the time.

And if you are a spouse, and the party is in vegas of florida at a ritzy hotel..and u are not invited, yeah you can be pretty pissed off about it. 

Companies have their heads up their arse too often nowadays. They do this sh*t, then wonder why everyone keeps quitting after a few years! :rofl: Maybe if they shmoozed the spouses a little more...there would be more support from the spouse for the company point of view.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Lila said:


> My company's annual party is similar to OP's (dinner/dancing) but they allow spouse/partner to attend, at employee's cost. In other words, they'll cover my dinner and non-alcoholic beverages but not my husband's.
> 
> I don't know of any companies that will pay for alcoholic drinks at holiday parties these days. The liability is huge.
> 
> OP, are they serving alcohol at this dinner/dancing party or is the dinner covered but the after party up to the employee?


Dinner fine.
Dancing heck no.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I've never seen dancing at a company party - sometimes with spouses, sometimes without, usually either dinner or heavy hors d' oeuvres and drinks. But dancing without spouses sounds inappropriate, whether intended by the company or not. As a woman I wouldn't want to stay for dancing even with female coworkers like I would at a club with friends. Too weird. Nor would I want to dance with male coworkers. 

I would leave after showing an appropriate amount of face time.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

The company is doing it to save money, not to specifically exclude you and other spouses. 

My SO wishes he didn't have to go to my company parties. I don't blame him.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I can understand an employee online lunch or dinner. I can't understand employee only dancing. That just seems like an inappropriate thing to do if many of them are married. 

I would tell my H to enjoy his lunch/dinner, but to respect me he should skip out on the dinner.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If two companies with 20 employees each have a function, someone has to pay for 40 people. If they get to bring dates, someone has to pay for 80. Might be nothing more sinister than that.


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## nanofaan (Aug 1, 2014)

I worked for several companies and they never done that. please check these infos again


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Most companies I've worked for give holiday parties or picnics as a reward to their hard working employees. The bill isn't insignificant and doubling it would be a hardship. 

Also, there's a certain element of team building at these events that wouldn't occur if spouses were present. 

I've been to a company event as a spouse and they are BORING for the most part. Inside jokes and stories prevail. 

I guess the thing to look out for is if people expect to get drunk and sloppy or if the boss is a known horn dog at these things. 

I think most people who go to a company party try to keep the drinking to a minimum so as to avoid the embarrassing drunk stories being told about them later on. I guess the company culture has some influence on that.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

University holiday parties - potluck lunch, during the day and on campus that prohibits alcohol (on campus). I show up to eat and talk for a short bit between giving finals and grading papers/exams. So some places really cut corners.


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