# T minus 60



## Aule (Aug 20, 2012)

I am 51 years old, in a marriage lasting 12 years, and we have a 10 year old girl. Sex had been decent, usually, until a year ago, when I developed primary impotence. 

Viagra works fine, but it needs 60 minutes before I can be completely ready. 

The problem is, my wife refuses to tell me when would be a good time to take the Viagra.

She has also never approached me for sex during the entire marriage. I've always had to be the initiator. She explains her reason as having been molested as a teen, she just can't bring herself to approach me because she feels dirty doing that. I've been understanding about this, but my need to use the Viagra requires additional communication with her.

What I want most is simply to negotiate a weekly time slot with my wife where I can have safe assurance that sex will happen.

My wife says a fixed time slow will not work for her. She requires "spontaneity". When I attempt this, that is, when I roll the dice in my head and approach her at random during a time when I believe she isn't busy, she turns me down aside for perhaps once a month.

Her doctor tells me she is going through early menopause. She is 42. She doesn't seem to have a libido of her own anymore.

This is highly ironic, because the instant she does acquiese and lets me touch her, even at her present age, she gets hot nearly instantly. During my relationship with her I learned she almost never has orgasms through intercourse, in fact, while courting she was thrilled when I gave her the very first one of her life through oral technique. I've been relying on manual and oral for her ever since, after I satisfy her we then have intercourse. We both know it's for me, so she has no problems with me lasting only three to five minutes.

All that said, the arrangement is now falling apart.

I've tried having her pastor act as a referee during a discussion I requested and required us to have. Impasse. She says she only wants sex with me when the moment takes her. 

She and I are getting into fights about this. She claims all I care about in the marriage is sex. My answer to her regarding that is what I really care about in the marriage is sex WITH HER, because I ADORE HER, and that's what I need to remained bonded to her.

If I divorced her, it would break her heart, I'd rather not go there. I'd also rather perform seppuku than adultery.

Please advise.


----------

