# nervous and scared



## confusedat42

My wife and I have been separated for 4 months and 6 months last year. We have been married for 17 yrs. and have 2 wonderful children. We recently went to a medeator to start the process of divorce. (1 week ago) Her choice not mine. Over Easter weekend we started talking about things and she told me she wanted to work on our marriage and see a marriage counselor. I am very nevous and scared because she broke my heart twice already. I am not sure I can go through this a 3rd time. I do truley believ our marriage is worth it. I would love some advice on how to handle this. We get along very well and work well together with the kids. She just has some issues to work through.

Thanks


----------



## InOverMyHeart

I behaved in like manner as your wife. And I am asking my husband to trust and believe in me again. 

I am so sorry you are going thru this with her. I know it is very painful, she has some insecurities to work thru and she needs to be sure she is ready to commit to the marriage.

My husband laid me at the alter and prayed that God would soften my heart so I would want to make things work. His prayers worked and now I know what I must do for our marriage and for myself. It will be challenging, it will hurt both of you but if you believe she is sincere, do it for your marriage. I had to adjust my thinking that this is not about me, its not about him, but it's about our union. And our union requires both of us to be vulnerable. And that is scary and empowering at the same time!

Pray, pray, pray. And when it doesn't seem like anything is happening, it is. Hope I didn't offend~


----------



## confusedat42

No it didn't offend me at all. I have been praying for some answers. We went to church on Easter and I got pretty emotional and I noticed she was also. Later that night is when she said she wanted to try and make things work and to see a counselor. I am still praying. Thanks


----------



## InOverMyHeart

I hope things work out for you. Marriage is definitely an adventure!


----------



## confusedat42

We had a long talk last night and we are going to proceed with couseling. I told her that we can't leave anything untouched. Have to have everything out in the open. Honesty is the only way.


----------



## Stretch

You probably want to set some expectations about her effort based on what has happened in the past. And if she does not follow what the two of you agree to you are walking before you get hurt again.

You need to protect yourself from more hurt,
Stretch


----------



## dt49er

sorry to hear the pain but I am thrilled that you are both wanting to try one more time.

My wife and I have been married for a long time and like most, we had ups and downs.
The last few have been very tough.

We were close to calling it quits, even though neither wanted to something had to change.

Just before the time to decide it was over, my wife read about a program
It is NOT a retreat or marriage counciling, We had already talked to our priest and that was a total waste of time. We decided to try one last ditch effort, what did we have to lose?

That was 8 months ago, we are still working on our marriage but what we learned it we are not alone in this and also many couples have similar issues. 
We were so impressed we are now trying to start the program in our area and pay it forward.
the group is totally made up of volunteers.

I suggest to check it out , Retrouvaille.

Good luck,


----------



## confusedat42

Thanks for the info. I am glad you guys didn't give. It is a work in progress and will continue to be. Good luck


----------

