# would you stay home and have a maid?



## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

I earn $ 800,000 per year. my girlfriend earns $60,000 per year. 

when we get married, I would like her to stay home-no need for her to go to work when I can spend for both of us comfortably and also because she has to wake up at 5am on workdays and she returns home around 7pm so she does not like her job much and I hate to see her so tired 

we have discussed this and she would like to stay home too

I want to hire a maid to do washing, cleaning, ironing, sweeping the garden and home etc.she said she will be home so she can do the housework. I explained that I would like her to relax and enjoy life and do what she likes instead of doing chores. She agreed.

So since we both are ok with it that’s what we want to do.

She won’t be bored at home.. she ll take our two dogs for walks, do volunteer work at the local animal shelter and the elderly home, *cook *and bake, do gardening work, read, visit her parents who are nearby, go to gym etc those are what she loves to do.

I will never cheat on her or abuse her

I don’t want to buy her love because she loves me enough already and im not insecure in anyway (looks, age, sexual performance etc)

My girlfriend is not a gold digger. She is an educated and simple woman who didn’t even know what I earn what car I use etc when she fell in love with me. 

All money will be in joint a/c so she is secure

1 So is there something wrong with what we want to do? Her friend tries to change her mind and I think the friend is jealous

2 if you are a man, if you earned what I earn you would like your wife to stay home and would you provide her every comfort which you can afford?

3 If you are a woman and if you are in the position of my gf ( tiring job, do have lots of things to do at home, husband want to give you a comfy life) you will stay home and would agree to have a maid right? Wrong?

4 Some Rich celebrities like actors, sportsmen, singers, directors etc have housewives and they also have lots of maids, those wives often get gifts worth millions too. so this friend of my gf is ok with them, but not with us. so don’t you think that shows how jealous she is?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

If the two of you are happy with it, who gives a crap what others think?
I make enough for my wife to stay at home and do nothing. We could hire a maid and lawn service if we so desired.
My wife wants to work part time and wants to keep her own home clean, so that's what she does.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

Are you kidding?? I would LOVE to have a lifestyle like this!!

If my husband made $100K a year, I'd be wanting to quit my job AND I'd like to have a maid... cleaning is NOT my favorite pastime. 

The friend is probably jealous... I would be. After all, your gf is about to enter a world in which her friend will likely never be comfortable (lounging around a pool, shopping, hanging with other "trophy wives" at the country club discussing how the maid doesn't vacuum the carpet in the grand room every Tuesday like she's supposed to). She's worried that your gf will eventually ditch her because she can't survive in that world (which she likely will because they won't be able to relate to each other's lives anymore).

But bottom line is... if you both are happy in that situation, then who cares what anyone else thinks?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

At one time I had a lifestyle where I had a maid, a nanny, an evening nanny and a cook. The cook I fired and I ended up doing most of the housework with the nanny which gave me the ability not to have the maid...the evening nanny was fun but usually I would send my baby with the regular nanny to her house so she could take care of her family.

And, during this time in addition to diplomatic duties, friends and hobbies (movies, movies, movies), sightseeing, and language lessons, I also WORKED. And, I loved my work and it was FUN.

And when my husband turned out to be an alcoholic I was able to leave on my own steam. There are benefits to working such as self-esteem, pride, social constructionism, independence, resilience, ability to work out things with people outside of your family when you are committed to the work (and workplace, and mission of the workplace)...that you cannot get from another person, NOT EVEN A SPOUSE. 

If you want a lady to enjoy her life at your expense, I suggest adopting a child in need! Otherwise, please allow people to make their own decisions about what will make them happy. That includes your wife. She is old enough to marry so she is old enough to make her own decisions for herself. If you want her to be happy the #1 rule is to respect her own needs as she defines them. 

When I had a maid/nanny, we took turns changing diapers and I always SCRUBBED MY OWN TOILET. For some people, that does mean a lot, personally scrubbing the place where one sh*ts. For me, it is an insult to my pride to ask anyone else to do that for me. In fact, I think it's a rather disgusting thing to ask anyone to do for you if you can do it for yourself. And it's one of those things that if it needs to be done for you, it's better to have someone do it out of caring, rather than for pay.

My opinion. You want to treat your wife, listen to what she says she would like. If it's a bowl of oatmeal, so be it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Lovebug, I cringe at your assumptions of what women with wealth/money do and talk about when they get together. I assure you it is not like that at all! And also while your conjecture of what the friend thinks and fears is one possibility, it could be that she is a bit leery of her friend being swayed by man-logic into doing something that she doesn't feel good about. If she can speak up about it, that's a good friend to have!

My wealthy friends at my son's country day school used to pale when I would tell them about my camping and bicycling trips and being on rock ledges and so forth on my adventures with my kids...meanwhile I would cringe and say tell me no more! when they would explain that they were planning to fly down to the Vineyard on a private plane and then hop on over to NY to go shopping. They'd say, come on, we'll dress you up (I'm 5'1" and 100 pounds and 'cute') shopping will be fun, and I'd say...sorry! No can do. Then we'd sit back and enjoy watching our kids in their talent show or musical or play or whatever it was we did have in common. They thought it was cool that I could keep things warm in a laundry basket and a thick Mexican blanket (ghetto style my son called it!) and a heavy crockery pot, whereas I thought their electronic roll-up hot place with the solar power option was just the cat's meow. 

But honestly, this is not about money. It is about a woman's decision to do as she likes without another woman in her turf. The right to have a pool, or not, and a pool guy, or not, and either way not to be ridiculed about it. 

There are class wars, and then there is just plain class, which is unattached to wealth, which can come and go at a moment's notice.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Lovebug, I cringe at your assumptions of what women with wealth/money do and talk about when they get together. I assure you it is not like that at all! And also while your conjecture of what the friend thinks and fears is one possibility, it could be that she is a bit leery of her friend being swayed by man-logic into doing something that she doesn't feel good about. If she can speak up about it, that's a good friend to have!
> 
> My wealthy friends at my son's country day school used to pale when I would tell them about my camping and bicycling trips and being on rock ledges and so forth on my adventures with my kids...meanwhile I would cringe and say tell me no more! when they would explain that they were planning to fly down to the Vineyard on a private plane and then hop on over to NY to go shopping. They'd say, come on, we'll dress you up (I'm 5'1" and 100 pounds and 'cute') shopping will be fun, and I'd say...sorry! No can do. Then we'd sit back and enjoy watching our kids in their talent show or musical or play or whatever it was we did have in common. They thought it was cool that I could keep things warm in a laundry basket and a thick Mexican blanket (ghetto style my son called it!) and a heavy crockery pot, whereas I thought their electronic roll-up hot place with the solar power option was just the cat's meow.
> 
> ...


I'm glad that you seem to be in the minority about what unemployed wives of wealthy men seem to do... but working in an industry where I see many of such women (not to mention the multitude of "Real Housewives" shows - which I detest), I have a specific perception.

Not that I don't want to join the ranks. I wouldn't be one to go climbing on cliffs and what-not with my kids... and I don't think I could suffer through more than a couple poolside discussions with vapid women... but if I could, I would immediately quit my job and spend my days travelling, shopping, and enjoying my hobbies, rather than sitting behind a desk doing what someone else tells me to do all day. [And when I got done with all the fun stuff I'd like to do before I do, I'd start my own business... which is exactly what I'm working towards doing anyway - I just have to skip all the fun stuff.]


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

dave2625 said:


> 1 So is there something wrong with what we want to do? Her friend tries to change her mind and I think the friend is jealous


There is nothing wrong with this as long as you are in mutual agreement. Why do you care what anyone else things?



dave2625 said:


> 2 *if you are a man*, if you earned what I earn you would like your wife to stay home and would you provide her every comfort which you can afford?


N/A. I am a woman.



dave2625 said:


> 3 If you are a woman and if you are in the position of my gf ( tiring job, do have lots of things to do at home, husband want to give you a comfy life) you will stay home and would agree to have a maid right? Wrong?


I would be happy as hell but I would also want to be busy in the home just cause that's my personality.



dave2625 said:


> 4 Some Rich celebrities like actors, sportsmen, singers, directors etc have housewives and they also have lots of maids, those wives often get gifts worth millions too. so this friend of my gf is ok with them, but not with us. so don’t you think that shows how jealous she is?


I think it shows that you are paying entirely too much attention to this "friend" and why does it matter what celebrities do. It's your marriage. Who gives a fudge about anyone else?

Do you always worry about what people think? It's not healthy.


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## lastradas (Oct 14, 2011)

You guys need to decide what works best for you. Speaking *for myself* (not for others), I would NEVER, EVER do that. Because, no matter what, she will always be in a position of dependency. I would never feel equal to my partner (would be different if I was a stay-at-home-mom). 

However, I also have a doctoral education (unfortunately not one with a lot of earning potential) but there is no way I will have gone through the this gruesome process to not do what I've been through for in the first place. I know I would lose my self-respect and self-esteem - others may feel differently. 

If her job is so bad, why doesn't she further her education? Or take a job she really likes? It's not like income matters, so she can do whatever she wants - even if it is for less pay.

In terms of jealousy, speaking for myself, I'd be lying if I said that I don't want all the money in the world at my disposal to buy all the things I want but I can truly say that I can't fathom the mindset of people (primarily women) who live off of their husband's income (excluding SAHM or other extenuating circumstances). And for me, volunteer work wouldn't cut it. There is something about making money (it's not about the amount) that makes me feel proud of myself and I don't think I can get that same feeling from anyone else.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

I think it was Warren Buffet lately who said something when asked about his kids when he dies....something to the effect of:

"I want to leave them enough so that they can do anything, but not so much that they can do nothing."

Not having the opportunity ourselves to have a serious maid and stay at home mom full time - it would be a welcome option for us. It certainly is a luxury from a child rearing perspective. Children can thrive with a full-time parent in the mix.

I think thoughtful reflection however will very quickly reveal that people are only happy when challenged and stimulated... and leading a relaxed, pleasurable life will not be enough in the end. Work has its own rewards.. even volunteer work... housework... going back to school... whatever. Something. Something that is not always easy. Something to stretch your mind, your body and your self as a person.

If I were you - I wouldnt hesitate to put your plan into action - but my suggestion would be to see it as an opportunity (for her) to pursue other goals. I firmly believe that she will need it - and probably much sooner than you (or she) may expect. Self worth is strongly influenced by how we spend our lives, and leisure and pleasant activities are not enough. The novelty of that will not last.

You will have plenty of vacations and fun and traveling and parties and hobbies and fitness activities and 'things' to enjoy. You and she will both need more than that. I am certain of it.


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## Baileym (Dec 9, 2009)

I think whatever works best for you and makes you both happy! 

I am weird and I love to clean, I could never have someone clean my house for me but that's just me.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why you writing out how much you make?

lol.

Weird.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Lovebug501 said:


> I'm glad that you seem to be in the minority about what unemployed wives of wealthy men seem to do... but working in an industry where I see many of such women (not to mention the multitude of "Real Housewives" shows - which I detest), I have a specific perception.
> 
> Not that I don't want to join the ranks. I wouldn't be one to go climbing on cliffs and what-not with my kids... and I don't think I could suffer through more than a couple poolside discussions with vapid women... but if I could, I would immediately quit my job and spend my days travelling, shopping, and enjoying my hobbies, rather than sitting behind a desk doing what someone else tells me to do all day. [And when I got done with all the fun stuff I'd like to do before I do, I'd start my own business... which is exactly what I'm working towards doing anyway - I just have to skip all the fun stuff.]


But what about your relationship? You'd be in a relationship with someone who is working very hard, has business entertainment, wants company, you would have to manage the household staff, and not all of your time would be your own? If you don't want to be sitting behind a desk doing what someone else wants you to do, you can do what I did and take risks and start your own business, market yourself, telecommute...cut your expenses but still have your lifestyle: hey small apartment, few possessions, hardly anything to clean and only one toilet to scrub! Or, you can lie on a bed instead of sit at a desk and make suggestions about what to do (heheheheheh) instead of being told! If you go shopping, be sure to get a whip, or whatever your 800,000K man wants you to have in your accessory bag. Then you also have to worry about your market value. If all you're doing is sitting around the house, you're going to start worrying about your figure, you'll be going to the gym a lot, then you'll start worrying about being boring, with nothing to talk about. 

Take a cue from royalty around the world. You're going to want an enterprise and a mission. Most of the wealthy people I know are very active in their communities, they serve on boards as trustees, they do outreach and publicity and fund-raising, they fund scholarships and sit on selection committees, they go to foreign countries on humanitarian missions. I don't know where you live, but I'm sure glad I don't live there! I live in a wealthy community, in a wealthy state. There is ONE house on a hill that is ostentatious and pompous and that's it. Everyone else would be embarassed to have the kind of lifestyle you describe. People I know who have loads and loads of money (self-made, mostly, but also some with some inherited wealth) think a good time is maybe going to a sauna out in the woods with some friends, and hanging out. Nothing fancy. When there's an invite to a BBQ, people bring things like marshmallows :rofl: 

I've lived all over the world but I always come home, where life makes sense. 

And really, $800K annually is not a lot. It all depends on the industry and expenses and investments and tax structure and if it's invested in the kind of real estate, etc. that's not going to hold value or become a white elephant, or worse, a pink giraffe. 

I wouldn't be a wife to someone who had a lot of possessions. No way I'm babysitting and managing the dusting, inventory and upkeep of someone's 'stuff'. 

Besides, I have friends who make that kind of money, and it's way more fun to go to dinner with them or work for them, than it would be to be at their house managing their 'stuff' and waiting for them to come home.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

The friend might be concerned about the level of dependency.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Dave,

How many hours a week do you work?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My mom was a SAHM. She usually had a live-in housekeeper. My mom also had 8 children. She had a degree in music. Before she married she was a concert pianist and opera singer at the NY Metropolitan Opera. When she married she gave that up because that’s what married women did in those days. I know that on many levels she regretted giving up her career. She loved us, but she was always dealing with the ‘what could have been’.

Others have said this; it’s your wife who has to decide what she does. It’s not your place to decide if she stays home, if she works, etc. 
About the friend, yes the friend could be jealous. Or maybe the friend is concerned about the welfare of your gf. Maybe she’s concerned that your friend will not do well living your plan and instead your gf should have her own plan.

I find it a bit concerning that you are comparing your income with your gf’s. The obvious unspoken statement is that she’s wasting her time working so hard for 60K per year. But that is considered a decent income by some. It’s also a put down of your wife to be honest.

Your plan seems to be based on how your wife can be spoiled and be there for you. Perhaps part of the plan should be how your wife can develop her career… what does she want to do now that she has more opportunity? If she does not want to work fine. If she does want to work and/or go to school you should allow her that opportunity and support her.

What would I do if I were in the position your gf is in?
First off I would definitely want the maid full time. Why do housework when I could be doing something I am really interested in.
I would go back to school and get a PHD in a field that I am interested in and that pays well; that way if anything happened to my husband’s income we’d have something to fall back on. Things happen… businesses fail, people get sick, they die, they become disabled… and marriages fail.

Then I would create a career for myself that allowed me to travel with my husband and take my work with me. When I had children I would want a nanny to help. But I would be able to work at home. [I actually did this when my son was younger.]


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Coffee Amore said:


> I make more than your gf, but I wouldn't give up the job I have to stay at home the way you've suggested she do. It sounds boring _*to me. *_ I've spent too many years on my eduction, too many years building up my career to give it up to stay home even if I don't make $800,000 annually. Is this $800,000 USD?
> 
> I grew up with wealthy parents. We had a chauffer, two live in nannies and a cook. Those things don't impress me much.  My mother has a university degree and work part-time yet she had "help" at home too.
> 
> But what I think doesn't matter. If she wants to stay at home who cares if you have a maid? *I would think at your level or income (if true), you wouldn't care what others think about you*.


The way I read the OP, he's concerned that her friend has too much influence on his gf. So he's looking for a way to mitigate the friend's influence.


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Dave,
> 
> How many hours a week do you work?


its our own company.(my family business)


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

Lovebug501 said:


> Are you kidding?? I would LOVE to have a lifestyle like this!!
> 
> If my husband made $100K a year, I'd be wanting to quit my job AND I'd like to have a maid... cleaning is NOT my favorite pastime.
> 
> ...


thanks!but she wont let go.the friend seems she wants to have it her way "somehow"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dave2625 said:


> its our own company.(my family business)


But that does not answer my question.. how many hours do you work a day? or a week is that's easier to answer.

I assume your business is not in your home. Is it?

Also, is this home your gf will be moving into one that you already live in? Is it already furnished, etc?


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> But that does not answer my question.. how many hours do you work a day?
> 
> I assume your business is not in your home. Is it?
> 
> Also, is this home your gf will be moving into one that you already live in? Is it already furnished, etc?


6 hours tops.its a company, not at home.you might know what we produce,if i say the brand name.but i cant.sorry about that.

yes.big house,my parents purchased it way back (1991) big house,big garden.so if my gf is to clean it, that ll take all day!

also, my parents live downstairs. they need to be taken care of.some health problems


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Why you writing out how much you make?
> 
> lol.
> 
> Weird.


because if i didnt, all the people who are kind enough to reply would wonder if i earn enough for us to afford her being home


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> The way I read the OP, he's concerned that her friend has too much influence on his gf. So he's looking for a way to mitigate the friend's influence.


thats correct!! i cant go and tell her "look biatch.this is not your problem,if i need to treat my girl like a princess,i will.and i dont cheat on her.so back off" if its a man, i can do that but this is a woman. so im trying to find a way to get rid of her.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

dave2625 said:


> because if i didnt, all the people who are kind enough to reply would wonder if i earn enough for us to afford her being home


I don't think people would.

If you say you're well off, then people would believe you. lol.


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## Jbear (Jan 12, 2012)

If you talk together and evaluate the situation and decide Jointly what is best for both of you then I guess it truly shouldnt matter what anyone else says. 

I can see concern from their point of view as noted by others above but truly it is your joint decision...

The thing that may be a concern is the terms are agreeable... I had a lady I work with in the same situation that was tired, after late evenings of his social obligations, she had different long term desires and I wonder if she had enough of a voice to speak for herself! 

Make sure that you give her room to talk and give her some say... she will be less likely to take such comment from others to heart, or have discontent due to the situation  Good luck to you


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dave2625 said:


> 6 hours tops.its a company, not at home.you might know what we produce,if i say the brand name.but i cant.sorry about that.
> 
> yes.big house,my parents purchased it way back (1991) big house,big garden.so if my gf is to clean it, that ll take all day!
> 
> also, my parents live downstairs. they need to be taken care of.some health problems


Ok so you work part time. This means that you will be able to spend a lot of time with your wife. You can both probably travels a lot as well.

So, you live at home with your parents and your gf is going to live into your parent's home. 

Who cleans the house for your parents? Do they have a maid? 

Will you and gf have basically your own apartment in this house? Your own kitchen, etc?

What is your gf going to get to do to make the place her own? Can she change your rooms the two of you will be living in? 

How does your gf get along with our parents?

These questions might seem off topic but they are not at all.


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

that_girl said:


> I don't think people would.
> 
> If you say you're well off, then people would believe you. lol.


you dont think people would? i do think people would. and if i didnt say what we earn, people would not understand that its ok for my girl to stay home finance-wise. hate much ? :rofl:


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

She is your girl friend not your wife so she ought to keep working.

If you marry her and stay married at least ten years, then she can count on your social security to help her in her later years. If you don't marry her, she can count on nothing financially in the future.

She needs to work.

You can hire a maid though. Go for it.


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Ok so you work part time. This means that you will be able to spend a lot of time with your wife. You can both probably travels a lot as well.


yes.we love to travel. 



EleGirl said:


> So, you live at home with your parents and your gf is going to live into your parent's home.


yes 



EleGirl said:


> Who cleans the house for your parents? Do they have a maid?
> 
> Will you and gf have basically your own apartment in this house? Your own kitchen, etc?
> 
> ...


my parents have a maid,a nurse and a cook
upstairs can be used as a separate house
yes she can change anything
my parents love her she loves them


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

chattycathy said:


> She is your girl friend not your wife so she ought to keep working.
> 
> If you marry her and stay married at least ten years, then she can count on your social security to help her in her later years. If you don't marry her, she can count on nothing financially in the future.
> 
> ...


she will work till May.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dave2625 said:


> thats correct!! i cant go and tell her "look biatch.this is not your problem,if i need to treat my girl like a princess,i will.and i dont cheat on her.so back off" if its a man, i can do that but this is a woman. so im trying to find a way to get rid of her.


If your gf's friend is carrying on about how gf not working is a bad idea, there is a very good chance that this reflects the thoughts of your gf... perhaps thoughts that your gf is not comfortable telling you. If she was truely uncomfortable with what her friend was saying, she'd tell her friend to stop bugging her... she's made up her mind and will be staying home.

Your sort of agressive response here, "look biatch", speaks of an attitude against your gf's friend. 

Maybe yoru gf has confided somethings to her friend and that's the basis of all those remarks. You need to have a serious talk with your gf.. my bet is that no the one hand she wants to do what you want her to do. And on the other hand she's concerned about losing herself in your much bigger world.


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## Kimberley17 (Oct 10, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Why you writing out how much you make?
> 
> lol.
> 
> Weird.


That girl, I have read many posts from you and you just seem bitter. In almost every post you are negative. Who cares if he posted what he makes?? It's not like you know him. Geez, lighten up.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I suggested Her Majesty hire some kulaks to clean up once in a while. I don't have the time and she's a hoarder/slob. But her inner peasant stops her from hiring some Russians of questionable residency to drag some swiffers round the hovel once in a while. 

I can say that if you can afford it, do it. Get someone to do the drudgery whether your wife works or not.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I suggested Her Majesty hire some kulaks to clean up once in a while. I don't have the time and she's a hoarder/slob. But her inner peasant stops her from hiring some Russians of questionable residency to drag some swiffers round the hovel once in a while.
> 
> I can say that if you can afford it, do it. Get someone to do the drudgery whether your wife works or not.


You sir, have a large humor bone. :lol: Very funny. Nicely said.


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

If you can afford it, know you won't resent it or make her feel like she is worthless because she doesn't have a job, then yes, do it.

Being a stay at home mom, even though I have a job, you still have people that come up and say, your kids are old enough, why don't you work? Both my kids have special needs and I am disabled so I am constantly on 5the phone with drs and insurance. The hubby has not once asked me to work and I do volunteer with boy scouts. 

The reason that the girlfriend is trying to change her mind is this. There are people that say sure, I can provide for us. Then five years down the road, they have thrown it in the woman's face that he has supported her this entire time! It no longer was a mutual decision. Then the woman is left high and dry and had no job to pull work experience from. Not an easy place to be. 

Just as long as you can be honest about any feelings that might arise and she loves it, do it. There are very few people that can give somebody this and if you can, it is a blessing. Enjoy the maid!


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## ddpp (Jan 12, 2012)

i think you ll make a great husband. go for it. your future wife has things to do,which she enjoys and loves and she ll get time to do those,instead of doing chores. so its great! she ll be one pampered wife! 

if my husband could afford it, he ll do it for me.

you are a rare man and dont let the friend affect your relationship. i think you should tell your gf to tell the friend to back off. i have friends who stay home and have maids.honestly, im happy that they can live that way.besides, those maids are poor people.so my friends are providing a living for some poor women.


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> If your gf's friend is carrying on about how gf not working is a bad idea, there is a very good chance that this reflects the thoughts of your gf... perhaps thoughts that your gf is not comfortable telling you. If she was truely uncomfortable with what her friend was saying, she'd tell her friend to stop bugging her... she's made up her mind and will be staying home.my girl is sure about what she wants to do.she can tell me anything and is comfortable telling me anything.
> 
> Your sort of agressive response here, "look biatch", speaks of an attitude against your gf's friend. sorry if i offended you.its just that ever since we got engaged this woman tries to break it.she went as far as saying to my girl "what do you have that i dont have that a guy like D would select you and not me?" she said it and tried to make it sound like a joke.this happened when i went to my girl's office with flowers on her birthday
> 
> Maybe yoru gf has confided somethings to her friend and that's the basis of all those remarks. You need to have a serious talk with your gf.. my bet is that no the one hand she wants to do what you want her to do. And on the other hand she's concerned about losing herself in your much bigger world.


she is not worried about losing herself in a much bigger world.she said so.had a talk with her she just wants to get rid of this woman


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> Dave,
> 
> Your doing the right thing. I respect that.
> 
> ...


thanks:smthumbup: i think any man who has enough money to treat his lady like a princess should do so.(if he is not a greedy man and if he loves her!) 

why would i want to see my future wife dusting and sweeping floors when i can hire a maid so my wife can enjoy what she loves doing!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dave2625 said:


> she is not worried about losing herself in a much bigger world.she said so.had a talk with her she just wants to get rid of this woman


If your gf just wants to get rid of this woman, then why doesn't she?

Geez... if you both don't like her, why are you here?


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

tamara24 said:


> If you can afford it, know you won't resent it or make her feel like she is worthless because she doesn't have a job, then yes, do it.we can afford it tamara.i will not resent it.who do i earn money for? for us.so i dont have a problem spending money for us and i dont feel why is she home while i work and i wont make her feel worthless.we dont equal self worth with money/job.we feel she ll be making a difference caring for elder people,helpless animals
> 
> Being a stay at home mom, even though I have a job, you still have people that come up and say, your kids are old enough, why don't you work?you should tell them "im a housewife.i do work.its not 9-5 job.it doesnt pay.but it's still work.i cook,clean,wash,iron,take care of my kids" Both my kids have special needs and I am disabled so I am constantly on 5the phone with drs and insurance.those who ask you why dont you work should be world class idiots The hubby has not once asked me to work and I do volunteer with boy scouts. :smthumbup:you have a great husband.and bravo! you are disabled but you *are* normal
> 
> ...


thank you so much for your post.


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> If your gf just wants to get rid of this woman, then why doesn't she?
> 
> Geez... if you both don't like her, why are you here?


how can she get rid of her when that woman will take every moment she is free (and their manager is not around) to lecture my gf about me? thats what we want to know. the woman sits with my gf at lunch and what can my gf do? take her luch,stand up and go to another table? my gf did change her home phone number


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dave2625 said:


> how can she get rid of her when that woman will take every moment she is free (and their manager is not around) to lecture my gf about me? thats what we want to know. the woman sits with my gf at lunch and what can my gf do? take her luch,stand up and go to another table? my gf did change her home phone number


How long has this been going on.
Your gf has to find a way to tell this woman that she does not want to discuss this anymore. She could just tell the woman that she has heard her point of view. Gets it and wants to discuss other topics. Your gf have a list of other topics to discuss. The weather, the news … maybe stick to funny/odd things in the news. Surely your gf can find other interesting topics to bring up to discuss.

If your gf has other friends at work she could ask some of them to sit with her at lunch.. you know plan ahead.

Your gf could eat at her desk.

She could go somewhere else for lunch. OR even bring something like a salad/lunch from home and eat at her desk.. saying that she has a lot of work to catch up on. Or she could start going for a walk at lunch.

Come on, surely you and your gf can brainstorm about how she can avoid this woman.


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

vic (my gf) is a very mild person. she has said many times to the woman to drop the subject

she has explained everything,answered every question of the woman (like "oh does he abuse you?is that why he likes you to be home?")

she does not reply this woman's texts thinking if she doesnt reply she ll stop nagging.that doesnt work too.

she just wants to get rid of this nosy woman without a verbal fight.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dave2625 said:


> vic (my gf) is a very mild person. she has said many times to the woman to drop the subject
> 
> she has explained everything,answered every question of the woman (like "oh does he abuse you?is that why he likes you to be home?")
> 
> ...


I gave you some suggestions... eat at her desk, go for a walk for lunch

more ideas... read a book at lunch and tune to woman out. 

Vic is going to have to set some boundaries. It's just necessary sometimes in life. And she can do it without having a verbal confrontation.

If the woman asks more questions Vic could just not answer and change the topic.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Or Vic coudl have some fun with the woman..

Woman - "oh does he abuse you?is that why he likes you to be home?"

Vic - "Yes, he does. He kicks the dog too."

or 

Vic - "Are you kidding me.. I abuse him. I need to be home to keep him in line."


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> How long has this been going on.since we got engaged.6 months.i guess she thought all rich men are palyers and will just leave vic someday.but when we got engaged she started acting different.
> Your gf has to find a way to tell this woman that she does not want to discuss this anymore. She could just tell the woman that she has heard her point of view. Gets itshe has told her many times and wants to discuss other topics. Your gf have a list of other topics to discuss. The weather, the news … maybe stick to funny/odd things in the news. Surely your gf can find other interesting topics to bring up to discuss.other topics always leads to me
> 
> If your gf has other friends at work she could ask some of them to sit with her at lunch.. you know plan ahead.she does sit down with other friends.the woman comes and sits with them after they start eating
> ...


thanks for trying to help EleGirl.thanks for the time and effort. just nice to know there are some women who can see another girl happy and wont go all green with envy.i get "he is rich.why should we help him.he doesnt need us" sometimes.but you tried to help when we came here asking what to do


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Or Vic coudl have some fun with the woman..
> 
> Woman - "oh does he abuse you?is that why he likes you to be home?"
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree: but what do i do with this too sweet for the real world girl of mine?:scratchhead:she wont do this.if i were her,this is what i ll do. look, shall i just have a talk with this woman? we are asian. i gues my gf is a little afraid to creat a situation with a white woman at work.i wish she would stay home from now. but she wont till we marry


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## NewPastor (Jan 13, 2012)

dave2625 said:


> I earn $ 800,000 per year. my girlfriend earns $60,000 per year.
> 
> when we get married, I would like her to stay home... I can spend for both of us comfortably and also because she has to wake up at 5am on workdays and she returns home around 7pm so she does not like her job much and I hate to see her so tired
> 
> ...


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

dave...buddy...i'm free for adoption...i'll even wash the bently.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

I personally would not feel comfortable hanging around and not putting in some hard work around the home. It's just a matter of self-respect.

For sure, raising small kids fits the description of hard work. But, barring that, I would not just wake up late and put in a couple hours work a day living the soft life. By the same token, if I was working full time I would not feel comfortable letting someone else pay all the bills, regardless of the income disparity.

My upbringing is that no one lives for free and that no one owes me an existence. I also hold my child (and held my wife) to the same standard.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I think its fantastic you want to give your wife a life like that.

But I also think need to be smart and protect yourself and the family business in case if your marriage don't last.


If I not mistaken the wealthy have a higher divorce rate.

good luck.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

67flh said:


> dave...buddy...i'm free for adoption...i'll even wash the bently.


:rofl:


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## grace1212 (Jan 17, 2012)

i think you are great. you have the money so you want to spend that money to make your wife comfortable and enjoy what she likes. if we had enough money, im sure i wont be cleaning bathrooms or dusting. we ll get a maid too. we do have money, he buys me nice gifts and all. but not as much as you


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## dave2625 (Jan 11, 2012)

my girlfriend will stay home from Feb. the problem will be over. theres just 3 months for the wedding so we decided this is the best thing.now she has more time to prepare for the wedding too.

so before asking this question i thought most men will love to do anything for their wives, will love the idea of their wives being home and will want to hire a maid to do the chores so that the wives can enjoy what they like doing.am i wrong? seems some men wont think about the comfort of their wives even if they had money to afford the things that will make her life better.

whats wrong with treating your wife like a queen? or is it that only the women of royal family deserves it? look at kate.she doesnt work, does charity work and she has maids to do everything. so if i can treat my wife like that too why shouldnt i ?

and those who does not want a maid because they will be bored at home, do you mean that for real? you get bored without doing the dishes and sweeping floors? you dont have anythings you "enjoy"?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

dave2625 said:


> my girlfriend will stay home from Feb. the problem will be over. theres just 3 months for the wedding so we decided this is the best thing.now she has more time to prepare for the wedding too.
> 
> so before asking this question i thought most men will love to do anything for their wives, will love the idea of their wives being home and will want to hire a maid to do the chores so that the wives can enjoy what they like doing.am i wrong? seems some men wont think about the comfort of their wives even if they had money to afford the things that will make her life better.
> 
> ...


I didn't read the whole thread.

My husband wouldn't want me to be a house-wife (we don't have children), let alone stay home and have a maid. He does want me to be able to live out my dreams and follow my heart though - without losing my head in the process. He finds it attractive if I'm out there "doing stuff". 

I personally wouldn't like to 'depend' on a man's financial security for myself, regardless of how I feel in the relationship. I think working and being fairly easily employable, is important to me, and his income may not always be guaranteed for us. Even though he takes pride in providing for us, it's not solely on him. That's just how we are as a couple though. 

I couldn't have a maid. The main reason is I don't like people cleaning up after me. Even in hotel rooms, I will make the bed and have the room looking tidy before housekeeping comes in with everything in it's place.

Whatever works for you!


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

dave2625 said:


> my girlfriend will stay home from Feb. the problem will be over. theres just 3 months for the wedding so we decided this is the best thing.now she has more time to prepare for the wedding too.
> 
> so before asking this question i thought most men will love to do anything for their wives, will love the idea of their wives being home and will want to hire a maid to do the chores so that the wives can enjoy what they like doing.am i wrong? seems some men wont think about the comfort of their wives even if they had money to afford the things that will make her life better.
> 
> ...


Dave, I am kinda in the same boat. I also have a job that affords my wife the option to stay at home and raise our "developing" family. I told her that she didnt need to work, could work if she wanted, but to do something she enjoyed- that she wouldnt consider work. After our children are older i wouldnt be suprised if the did work/volunteer outside the home. 

Now, here is where we differ. We do the cleaning and household chores together. I was raised to clean up after myself, and no matter how much money I earn i will always have those values.
So I choose not to have a maid.

Many factors are involved in my reasoning: We are still fairly young (mid-30ies) and active, so cleaning is not an issue now. I want to teach my child the same lessons about cleaning and taking care of ones space. 

I have not fully read this thread: I dont know how old you and your soon to be wife are, etc. So my and others situation is different.

Bottomline, do what makes you happy and honors your value system. The friend that has given her opinions cannot relate to the situation your wife will be in, so dont put to much weight on her opinions.


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## AbsolutelyFree (Jan 28, 2011)

I am writing this after reading the original post and nothing more. Speaking from a man's perspective, I would certainly like to live in this arrangement and allow my wife to focus on other things. 

However, for whatever reason, I think that most women will find this idea very offensive and demeaning. Now I will read the responses to the thread.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AbsolutelyFree said:


> I am writing this after reading the original post and nothing more. Speaking from a man's perspective, I would certainly like to live in this arrangement and allow my wife to focus on other things.
> 
> However, for whatever reason, I think that most women will find this idea very offensive and demeaning. Now I will read the responses to the thread.


Why do you think that most women would find the idea very offensive and demeaning?


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

yeah issues already will occur if this becomes a marriage


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## HazelGrove (Feb 29, 2012)

All I can say is that your future wife is a lucky woman and I'm delighted for her. If she is intellectually curious, creative or compassionate, she'll have all the time in the world to pursue her heart's desires, and that's a wonderful gift you're giving her. Enjoy each other's love, the money you bring home and the joy of travel and other soul-enhancing occupations. She might even end up working at something that she really loves, instead of having to work to make a living at something she might or might not enjoy. 

I know the wife of a multi-millionaire who, once the children were born, went back to university, studied to become a psychologist and eventually opened her own therapy clinic, which she loves. She was able to do all that with plenty of support for the mundane tasks at home and fully encouraged by her husband. 

As for having a maid - I am no great fan of housework and the minute my husband and I are able to afford a maid, we'll get one! I do it, but it bores me rigid (I love to cook and garden, however.)

Hehe, I'd really love to have such problems!


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## Lastor (Dec 11, 2012)

I'm just slightly confused and need some clarification. But before that, wow, are you for real? That's great! I wish my daughters will find a polite, devoted, handsome, rich gentlemen like you some day.

Now, as for the clarification, is the friend advising her against quitting her job or against getting a maid once she quits her job or both?

Because to say that the friend is only jealous and just dismiss it may be premature. People come from different backgrounds and have different sets of baggage/misconceptions/judgements, etc. Who knows what is going on in the friend's mind, how she grew up, who screwed whom over in her life, and all that jazz. 
She's probably at least somewhat envious because the situation that you describe sounds like a dream come true for, if not most, then a lot of women. But that doesn't mean she is advising your GF out of spite or ill wishes. 
But maybe your GF spent a lot of time and money and effort to get educated and then get her job. $60K doesn't sound that great next to $800K, but it tells me she is skilled and competent. So maybe her friend is suggesting it would be a waste to put all of that aside and just stay home with a maid. Maybe she grew up to hate money and people with money for whatever reason.

I don't agree with that necessarily. It's all right to have a life of leisure and relax, at least for a while.

Is it possible for your future wife to find a part-time job? Because getting up at 5:00 and not returning until 7:00 is absolutely exhausting. If she could have a part-time job in her field or even another field that pays less but is "something," that may be enough for her.

If you guys are planning to have children, then even the part-time job would go out the door soon enough and she would take care of the children and have plenty to do. She may even ask for a nanny at that point!

Wishing you well and hoping everything works out for you.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

If your wife likes the leisure time, then who cares what anyone else thinks? I do think that for anyone who thinks you're trying to control her by buying her, or to quell such fears, you should set aside money for her in a solely held account as a sort of nest egg in case she needs it. It will allow her to feel less owned by you to know that she has some separate resources however small. And she can feel confident combatting the jealous folks naysaying from the sidelines. Of course, I hope you are not trying to own her; I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt 

Many families have one income only. If you can afford to have housekeepers, you should because you are providing a job to someone needy and saving your own time for yourselves. 

Nothing wrong with your arrangement as long as she is free to pursue productive things she chooses for herself.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I am at home and I would not prefer a maid or cleaning lady. Even being disabled with a neck injury, my daily chores keep me going and mobile. I truly don't mind housework. I love cooking. I do wish I would of went to culinary school. I spend my day cleaning, cooking, caring for the children and animals. Life is good.

If my home was double the size it is now, I might hire a cleaning lady twice a week. If I'm unable to do these tasks in 10 years, we will have to hire someone, but I really don't see this happening.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

This thread is almost a year old!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

southern wife said:


> This thread is almost a year old!


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Golly darn, gee wilikers! 

I read the entire thread and was thinking of offering my perspective and then BAM. Dead thread.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Unless staying at home involved studying and continuing to grow and improve myself, I wouldn't do it. I did it and when the marriage ended I had to start all over again with a new career, no maid and a child to care for.

I don't mean to sound jaded, but I learned enough during those grueling years after my marriage ended to never allow myself to be financially dependent on anyone else ever again.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

No maids unless the house is huge.


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