# Fly on the wall



## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Ever wished there was a fly on the wall during your marriage? Just an independent source of knowledge that has seen both sides of the arguments and life. My marriage has ended tonight, my wife doesnt want it any more, needless to say I do! Some of the things she has said about our relationship I know not to be the case but she as always makes a very valid argument to the point I am defeated. Even denied some things happened. I know emotions run high and it is distressing but a fly on the wall to be able to add an intermediary opinion would be great! I know I have not been the perfect husband but some times it would be nice to be able to validate my side.
So 9 years together and 7 years married, and this is it, gutted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I feel you pain.. my wife called it quits the second time last Friday.

I feel like crap with you here. 16 year.. poof....gone


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## Nicole811 (Apr 22, 2013)

Shinobi said:


> Ever wished there was a fly on the wall during your marriage? Just an independent source of knowledge that has seen both sides of the arguments and life. My marriage has ended tonight, my wife doesnt want it any more, needless to say I do! Some of the things she has said about our relationship I know not to be the case but she as always makes a very valid argument to the point I am defeated. Even denied some things happened. I know emotions run high and it is distressing but a fly on the wall to be able to add an intermediary opinion would be great! I know I have not been the perfect husband but some times it would be nice to be able to validate my side.
> So 9 years together and 7 years married, and this is it, gutted.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I say it all the time. Why doesn't your wife want it anymore?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

What I am learning in therapy is: Who cares if she doesn't want you.. that is beyond your control. 

What about you? How will you make YOU number one in this situation and how are YOU gonna take control of this situation and keep your head held high?

I am struggling with both questions and why I use words like "WE" when it really should be "ME"

There is no more "WE"


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Nicole811 said:


> I say it all the time. Why doesn't your wife want it anymore?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Basically whilst I am not a bad person, I just don't give enough support, I don't stand up for her, and that is in many walks of life, and to my mind in situations I have seen as barely a sarcastic comment I should have told the person how it is, not necessarily nasty just a word in her honour. I can take many things with a shrug of a shoulder, so just walked away, sure some things were perhaps needing a word and I didn't but to me it didn't always seem necessary, I don't think the same way. As a result over time her trust in me protecting her and being her man has gone. A fly on the wall would perhaps say, oh hang on I know you think and feel one way in this scenario but many would react this way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> What I am learning in therapy is: Who cares if she doesn't want you.. that is beyond your control.
> 
> What about you? How will you make YOU number one in this situation and how are YOU gonna take control of this situation and keep your head held high?
> 
> ...


With2little girls,
I know what you mean, and putting yourself in the good me mind is harder doing than saying, especially if you are still in close proximity ie. the same house whilst it rolls on and seeing them seemingly happy, comfortable enjoying and planning their life, it just hammers home. Time will heal, and you will get to the me point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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