# pls in need of some words of wisdom... my heart is truly in pain



## indistressed (Sep 14, 2009)

I have been here for about 6 months, my husband of almost 10 years left back in Sept. after a couple of years of him considering this and after I found out about an affair. It has been very hard to adjust to not having him around. We have continued to go to counseling but nothing has changed. He still says that he does not see us back together and that his emotions are shut for me. he is now even talking about divorce. I have left him to do his thing, what ever that may be. I dont talk to him about us or ask him any questions. If anything I talk to him about that kids, we have 9yr D and 6yr S. Today we had counseling and the counselor asked what is our goal since we have been all over the place and really nothing as per what and why are we in these meetings. He said that he has been thinking about divorce, something that I knew it would come but not this soon or that he was even considering. I have been trying to be pretty good at giving him his space and dealing with the separation as good as this can possibly be. No hate, no drama and let him decide what he wants. Although inside of me I have this hope that we may change and we can try to work it out but today he just crumbled my heart all over again. He said that he wasn't even interested in staying as friends. I am heart broken to learn that the person with whom I am still in love with and spent so many years with just does not care and wants to discard me like nothing, Man that hurts! what to do pls??? He is so cruel and cold hearted with me and I cant take this pain again. I just want rip him from my heart. What to do pls.? I have even consider canceling our counseling since we are getting no where just me getting hurt. :scratchhead:


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## Lifelover (Feb 7, 2010)

I know how that feels indistressed... its like they flip a switch and poof they are ice cold and suddenly have zero feelings for you... Its rough and its definitely the worst feeling I've ever dealt with. But if this is the way he plans on acting/feeling/etc, do you really want him in your life anyways? Surround yourself with people that truly love you and cherish you, and this person obviously does'nt fit the criteria for that. Heres what made me feel better. Take charge of the situation. He's obviously the shot caller at the moment because he knows you want him back and that your feelings are still there. Now it's time for you to put your emotions aside (even though that seems impossible) and become the new shotcaller. Put a stop to the hurt, its like an open wound. Time to patch it up so the healing can begin. Try acting coldly to him from now on, and I would definitely cancel the counseling. Don't call him anymore, wait for him to call you. And he's been considering a divorce? Well in my opinion, he's already divorced you in his heart and mind, just not yet legally or on paper. So finish it off, YOU be the one to file the divorce. You don't need that kind of relationship for your kids to grow up around. And in this process of you turning the tables on him, maybe he'll realize how bad it sucks to be on the recieving end and then truly want to work on things constructively (that is if you decide to give him another chance). Take the power back, even if it goes against everything you emotionally want to happen. Gain control of the situation. Hope that helps, its helped me before and its helping me now. Good luck to you and remember that time heals all wounds, and after a while you barely notice the scars.


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