# How long to wait?



## MR DK (Dec 22, 2011)

So about 2 months ago I come back from military duty and all the sudden life has changed. Being turned down for sex for the first time in our supportivenesmarriage of 7 years was what really triggered me to think something is wrong. The reason was that my wife became unhappy with our lack of emotional support of each other and generally felt disconnected from me. Evidently this had been building up for some unspecified amount of time but it all the sudden needed to come to the surface now and very abruptly. Totally blind sided by this. 

Obviously this triggered multiple emotional reactions with me and most fearully the cheating might have started. I was luckly ( or maybe unlucky) enough to call her one night when i was stuck at work over night to learn she was heading out to meet with a single guy that worked for her. I kinda blew the lid off that and gave her a ultimatum that if she carried this out it would be the end. She didnt end up going but has since used this as another platform on how different we are. She evidently doesnt see anything wrong with that. 

Now it has been over 2 months with me trying to initiate some emotional and physical contact but all have led to failure. Not even trying to have sex but something other than the daily I love you routine. Nothing.

She is definantly coping with other life difficulties right now but nothing has suddenly popped up in her life. It just seems she keeps using these as excuses as to explain her behavior. I have resorted to telling her I will be here on the side whenever she feels it is time to rekindle our relationship.

Now I am seriously feeling that it might not happen. How long does one wait and be driven mad by what might be going on. I dont think I could ever prove she might be cheating on me but there are definantly some red flags.

Maybe it might be time to move in the direction of seperation, i dont really know. I just hate to go there as it feels like a complete failure after having a wonderful marriage thus far with 2 kids.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I'm of the opinion that a person needs to speak up for what they need in a marriage and if the other person doesn't at least listen or talk about it and cannot even consider a compromise, then that is the issue. It doesn't have to be sexual even. I think going out with a single guy when your H is at work, without discussing it beforehand, is an issue. I would tell my spouse that it was hurtful and talk about my needs. But also after communicating honestly I would give some time and space and also enunciate my feelings more often (positive and negative) in terms of the relationship and also just what I'm feeling due to life issues, and be willing to listen. It sounds like a tough situation. Deployment stinks. It can bring out the best in people, but the transition is a tough one. People really have to dig their heels in and learn to speak up and not to take things personally, in order to work out issues. Hopefully you have some of the Yellow Ribbon support or something like that, someone to talk to. They were very helpful during my H's deployment (he had issues, I had trouble dealing with them, when he would not).


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