# might get blasted, but sick of women bashing threads



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I've read ( and not responded) to many threads stating that women are cunning creatures that lure men into marriage and then purposely quit intimacy. And there are the numerous "wedding cake jokes" and the "smiling about the last bj" jokes. Not to mention men only being used as a bank, etc comments.

Add to that the assumption that women should be down for anything everytime or they can "F right off".

This mentality is insulting as all get out. . I've been married 27 years. I'm an active and willing participant in my marriage and intimate relationship (4-5 times a week). I enjoy my husband as much as I did 30 years ago.

Just something for men complaining about no intimacy: maybe women get put off by being treated like they are only good for servicing their husband, and if they even consider saying no ( you know do to illness, childbirth, etc) they better expect his NEEDS to met elsewhere. So get busy or don't be surprised if he replaces you.

I know all men are not like this,but geez, the majority here seem to think all women are good for is what's between their legs.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

"Grabs popcorn"


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

snowbum said:


> I know all men are not like this,but geez, the majority here seem to think all women are good for is what's between their legs.


I prefer breasts, actually...  joking apart, you have to remember that many men are here on this board because they have been hurt by women. Is their behaviour justified? No, of course not. That said, I do believe that the majority of men on TAM are fine individuals. Sorry you had a bad experience, but I get where you are coming from...


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I have more reason then most to have a bad opinion on women because of what my XW did to me and my kids. But I don't. Please don't generalize all men.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> I prefer breasts, actually...  joking apart, you have to remember that many men are here on this board because they have been hurt by women. Is their behaviour justified? No, of course not. That said, I do believe that the majority of men on TAM are fine individuals. Sorry you had a bad experience, but I get where you are coming from...


Many women here have been hurt by men, I don't see as much bitterness and anger towards the men here though. 
There is a desperate need for some in TAM to forgive former spouses to be free of the poison that they have inside them.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> I have more reason then most to have a bad opinion on women because of what my XW did to me and my kids. But I don't. Please don't generalize all men.


Yes, same here with the men. Three men in my life hurt me deeply. I still know there are some good guys around though. Many of them in my family.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Many women here have been hurt by men, I don't see as much bitterness and anger towards the men here though.


I agree that men here tend to be more vocal and spiteful...


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

You’re a good loving wife, why would you think that men complaining about things that a significant minority of women do, is an attack on all women or even get upset about it. You described yourself, the way most men want their wife to be. No one is bashing women like you. 

There does seem to be a hyper sensitivity to any “bashing “ of what women do. Not just here but in general. When a guy is betraying his wife or is abusive, you don’t see any men coming to his defense or talking about , “well what about blank” but we do get that here from some of our resident man haters, when a BH’s wife’s betrayal is layed out for all to see and it’s definitely a thing out in other forums. 

TAM is probably the only forum that allows men and women to voice their dislikes about the opposite sex equally without being blocked. Everywhere else, male bashing is perfectly acceptable but men will be blocked for daring to complain about things that they dislike. Are you equally upset about that?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

snowbum said:


> I've read ( and not responded) to many threads stating that women are cunning creatures that lure men into marriage and then purposely quit intimacy. And there are the numerous "wedding cake jokes" and the "smiling about the last bj" jokes. Not to mention men only being used as a bank, etc comments.
> 
> Add to that the assumption that women should be down for anything everytime or they can "F right off".
> 
> ...


So you're saying women never lure men into marriage using plenty of sex, then withholding sex when she wants after married?
A common enough circumstance.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> _*So you're saying women never lure men into marriage using plenty of sex, then withholding sex when she wants after married?
> A common enough circumstance.*_



I hear wives that men buy from overseas tend to pull this crap quite a bit.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I know all men are not like this,but geez, the majority here seem to think all women are good for is what's between their legs.


Got some example? I'd love to chime in and agree with you.

But you have to realize, it goes both ways. There is some heavy misandry here as well.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Many women here have been hurt by men, I don't see as much bitterness and anger towards the men here though.


But of course you don't. Seriously, I can name at least 4 women here that are rife with misandry, but alas, don't want to get banned.

So just to give examples, there have been a few men come here recently dealing with a cheating wife, but yet somehow they are the a**holes because of some little thing they did or didn't do in the mind of the women in question.

One example would be, without getting into specifics, a man dealing with a cheating wife, but since he didn't come forth with every single bit of information pertaining to his situation at one time, he was somehow shady and a worse individual than the cheater.......because he's a man.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> So you're saying women never lure men into marriage using plenty of sex, then withholding sex when she wants after married?
> A common enough circumstance.


And then what do they do after marriage? They cut their hair hella short


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> I agree that men here tend to be more vocal and spiteful...


If spiteful and vocal when hearing stories of cheating, etc, they are absolutely justified.

To have a poor opinion of women in general? No.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

You seem to have a lot of anger.


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

The princess complex has risen.
while there are men who do nothing I have yet to hear a man say to a woman, “you have me in your life am I not enough” when asked to help out more or for something different as though you should be in awe they have favored to grace you with their holy presence. 

Half the younger married men I know end up working and taking care of most house cleaning, yard work etc while the wife sits on her ass.
I even have 2 nieces who don’t work, cook(eat out or microwave meals), barely clean, while husband works his ass off and they think by virtue of their sex they’re entitled to such.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I hear wives that men buy from overseas tend to pull this crap quite a bit.


What dumbazz would buy a W from overseas? Yes, yes, yes, that's what the focus is here. How to buy the best Ws possible from overseas.

Not so paddiwan.


----------



## The Narcissist's Wife (10 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> So you're saying women never lure men into marriage using plenty of sex, then withholding sex when she wants after married?
> A common enough circumstance.


Both parties are foolish if they marry just for sex. I wouldnt sympathize with either. Men also lure women..making empty promises, false claims of fidelity, false claims of ambitions and beliefs..etc. Old rich men get upset that their 25 year old wife married them for money and then look elsewhere for the sex..well...did they think the little girl was actually attracted to them? Many old men wave around their money TRYING to lure sexy, young women..and then think they have a right to complain that all she wanted was his money. It can go both ways..traps can be set on both sides.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> What dumbazz would buy a W from overseas?


Men who wouldn't know how to properly treat a woman here in the states and can't get one. Also men like this tend to think of women as property.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Maybe I don't read enough on TAM to see what OP sees.

I mean sure...some people are aholes and take very narrow-minded approach to giving advice but that happens with both sexes.
Some people seem to blame the OP for everything that happens to them whether they are m or f. I'm bad about that when the male OP is a simp.

Could it be that there are more women posters so the balance of negativity appears skewed?

I just don't see the "majority" of one sex being unfair toward another.
Is this kinda like subconscious bias? I'm a man so there's no way I would know how horrible I am?

And all this time I thought I was more of a defender of women 🤷‍♂️


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

red oak said:


> The princess complex has risen.
> while there are men who do nothing I have yet to hear a man say to a woman, “you have me in your life am I not enough” when asked to help out more or for something different.
> 
> Half the younger married men I know end up working and taking care of most house cleaning, yard work etc while the wife sits on her ass.
> I even have 2 nieces who don’t work, cook(eat out or microwave meals), barely clean, while husband works his ass off and they think by virtue of their sex they’re entitled to such.


You should put that on a billboard. Great point.


----------



## The Narcissist's Wife (10 mo ago)

red oak said:


> The princess complex has risen.
> while there are men who do nothing I have yet to hear a man say to a woman, “you have me in your life am I not enough” when asked to help out more or for something different.
> 
> Half the younger married men I know end up working and taking care of most house cleaning, yard work etc while the wife sits on her ass.
> I even have 2 nieces who don’t work, cook(eat out or microwave meals), barely clean, while husband works his ass off and they think by virtue of their sex they’re entitled to such.


I know quite the opposite..but I work in healthcare..mostly women. Women working 4 x 12 hr shifts in a row going home to a pigsty and a lazy husband who sits around watching porn or drinking beer with his buddies. Cant be bothered to make a meal or push a broom or a load of laundry. Have to ask grandma to pick the kids up because he is too busy not working 😕.. I know alot of those people.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Maybe I don't read enough on TAM to see what OP sees.
> 
> I mean sure...some people are aholes and take very narrow-minded approach to giving advice but that happens with both sexes.
> Some people seem to blame the OP for everything that happens to them whether they are m or f. I'm bad about that when the male OP is a simp.
> ...


EXACTLY.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The Narcissist's Wife said:


> Both parties are foolish if they marry just for sex. I wouldnt sympathize with either. Men also lure women..making empty promises, false claims of fidelity, false claims of ambitions and beliefs..etc. Old rich men get upset that their 25 year old wife married them for money and then look elsewhere for the sex..well...did they think the little girl was actually attracted to them? Many old men wave around their money TRYING to lure sexy, young women..and then think they have a right to complain that all she wanted was his money. It can go both ways..traps can be set on both sides.


But we're NOT talking about that situation IN THIS THREAD. So why are you bringing that up?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The Narcissist's Wife said:


> I know quite the opposite..but I work in healthcare..mostly women. Women working 4 x 12 hr shifts in a row going home to a pigsty and a lazy husband who sits around watching porn or drinking beer with his buddies. Cant be bothered to make a meal or push a broom or a load of laundry. Have to ask grandma to pick the kids up because he is too busy not working 😕.. I know alot of those people.


Again, we're talking about the OPs situation. So what does that have to do with the price of beans?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

drencrom said:


> Men who wouldn't know how to properly treat a woman here in the states and can't get one. Also men like this tend to think of women as property.


Granted there are those dumbazzes. But that topic isn't the focus of this thread. Whoops again.


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You should put that on a billboard. Great point.


That princess attitude drives me nuts.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Yes!

Wiminz iz bad!!!

Rant, rave, gripe!!!!!

Oh wait..... Mrs. C just walked by wearing nothing but one of my shirts......

Never mind. Wiminz be awesome!!!!😎


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

We do have a princess epidemic amongst some, mostly younger women. But I have to call it as I see. We have a lot of men that are not stepping up enough to help their wives. Just want to keep it 100.


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

I have seen some men do below but a far cry greater number of women.

Young man was good worker. His wife will call him every 20 to 30 minutes. If he didn’t answer she would come hunting for him. He couldn’t work call she kept calling, and if he didn’t answer it or didn’t have a signal and couldn’t answer she would start driving the roads to find him, and chew him out on the job site for not answering.
Hell she would even call office to find out what job site he was on. 

another man I hired was a go getter, really good worker, had a full-time job, and would work for me on at least one of those days off when I had something for him to do.

He was working for me one day and his Wife calls him and starts yelling at him Tell him he needed to get home to watch HER (he has none) kids cause she had a conference suddenly come up she had to go to.
She didn’t care we were in the middle a project he had told her about.
Poor guy. He didn’t want to make me mad or her, but he was gonna stay and work.
Told me he does most cleaning too, and always having to watch her kids.

He would have done more work for me but half the time she had him busy watching her kids on his day off.
He would have to find someone to watch her kids so he could work.

He finally left her about 6 months later. Said she went crazy when he did. Thank goodness he didn’t have kids with her.


----------



## The Narcissist's Wife (10 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Again, we're talking about the OPs situation. So what does that have to do with the price of beans?


Both my posts were relevant to the comment in which they were applied. I agree with OPs original post. I agree that many of the male posts on here come across sexist and misogynistic. You want to talk about women luring men with sex..lmao..well try using your other brain for once..would be my advice to that.. Men and women are a dime a dozen..neither are so special that they should think they are entitled to making demands or threats to keep someone.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

jsmart said:


> We do have a princess epidemic amongst some, mostly younger women. But I have to call it as I see. We have a lot of men that are not stepping up enough to help their wives. Just want to keep it 100.


No disagreement there!


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I've read many threads saying "I need sex 2-3 times a day" or daily. Or "my needs aren't met, the only thing different in marriage is sex" and on and on and on. Or it's " I can't stop wanting to cheat, or try BDSM, etc".

Intimacy is key. It's very important. But some people on here are in a relationship with intimacy, just not huge quantities. The response is "well then no more asking about her day. Don't help her out. Stop giving her any money. Get buff and look at women".

How about considering the reason for the lack of intimacy? could there be a lack of interest based on treatment? Or feeling like the wife is just an object? I'm not saying this is how all marriages break down. But I do read a lot of "my wife's not hot enough, active enough, doesn't make enough, etc etc.".

I don't know any one who faked enjoying a physical relationship to snag a guy. Seriously. I would not suck it up for a year just to get money, a house, etc. Perhaps people in these situations don't really known the woman at a deep level.

If someone's always faked being into it, I think you'd pick up on that. And if they liked the experience, why suddenly not enjoy it unless the emotional connection changed. Makes no sense.


----------



## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

No offense snowbum, but how would you know someone who stopped having sex with their husband after getting married? You don't have a window into their bedroom and that's not something women generally fess up to in conversation. 

I don't think most women who do it are even particularly conscious of it. They're not writing in their diaries about their evil plan to stop having sex with the guy. They just feel more secure after they get married and the urge to please drops off a bit. 

Ii all fairness men do it too. As soon as they get married they stop with the romance, the dates, take their wives for granted. But berating men for talking about their own personal experiences with women is not helpful in the least.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Yes!
> 
> Wiminz iz bad!!!
> 
> ...


Sorry for this temp TJ.
W and I together ordered her some sexy clothes and lingerie for her earlier this week. 

She modeled some Wednesday for me. The balance came in yesterday.

Merry Christmas to me this weekend. 😎


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

snowbum said:


> I've read many threads saying "I need sex 2-3 times a day" or daily. Or "my needs aren't met, the only thing different in marriage is sex" and on and on and on. Or it's " I can't stop wanting to cheat, or try BDSM, etc".
> 
> Intimacy is key. It's very important. But some people on here are in a relationship with intimacy, just not huge quantities. The response is "well then no more asking about her day. Don't help her out. Stop giving her any money. Get buff and look at women".
> 
> ...


I really don't believe most women being griped about made a conscious decision to snag a guy and then stop intimacy. There are some I'm sure.

I think it's easier to try and paint in black and white. There are also a lot of people behaving badly and living down to simplistic expectations these days which furthers the illusion of men and women issues being all white or black so to speak.

There are a lot of fairly bad ideas floating around about relationships and unfortunately, the most prevalent are those with some truth nestled in somewhere.

There have also been some extremely bizarre situations being posted about recently so there is that.😵‍💫


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Are you are asking a serious question about this "issue"...?? It's really difficult to consider and address without specific examples. All you've done is make a sweeping generalization of posts and male posters on here...that has no real credibility.

I would suggest that if this is what you are reading in the majority of the threads on here, you aren't reading the same posts I am reading, because I totally disagree with you.

I wonder...have you noticed the male bashing that many female posters engage in? Do you find that offensive at all?


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I think some women, especially after kids, feel unconsciously they've done their job and don't desire sex anymore. Yes, I believe it's such a basic thing. But I don't believe most women do it on purpose. It's a natural development in a marriage. If you have kids, a full time job and also do the chores, sometimes sex is the last thing on their mind and husbands have to be understanding. Sex twice a day is not going to happen. Keep pestering and it becomes the elephant in the room. Of course, there are also many cases where the wife can't just be bothered and gives out starfish sex... communications and tolerance are the key.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

snowbum said:


> I've read many threads saying "I need sex 2-3 times a day" or daily. Or "my needs aren't met, the only thing different in marriage is sex" and on and on and on. Or it's " I can't stop wanting to cheat, or try BDSM, etc".
> 
> Intimacy is key. It's very important. But some people on here are in a relationship with intimacy, just not huge quantities. The response is "well then no more asking about her day. Don't help her out. Stop giving her any money. Get buff and look at women".
> 
> ...



Your view is completely skewed. To begin with this an online forum with a finite number of members that post regularly. Most of these posters males and females are here because of a specific (s) problem (s) in their marriage. Consequently, there are biased opinions, but not all. In the whole skim of things this is a small galaxy in a vast universe where as you travel through it it dilutes more and more. 

To the specifics: 
1. There's men and women posting with legitimate complaints
2. There's men and women posting with complains that are of their own making, but can't see the Forest for the trees.
3. There's men and women where it seems that the problem is within both in the relationship.
Then we have the responses.

There's all kind of people in this world. Just because in your particular narrow world hasn't happened, that does not means that it doesn't happens or that it doesn't exist. 

There's men and women that bust their ass all day long and come home to a pig sty and a partner that is sitting on their asses.
There's men and women that refuse to have sex with their partner (and wonder why their partner is upset).
There's men and women that are nothing but passive/aggressive jerks to their partner, but get upset when that partner is not longer willing to have sex with them.

And so on, and so on. It's not Just men, It's not just women. We need to take each poster by his/her own merits with what one sided information we get.

So, let's get off the men are insulting, abusing non emotional pigs. Women are nothing but frigid, gold digger non emotional whores. There's enough blame to go around.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

snowbum said:


> Intimacy is key. It's very important. But some people on here are in a relationship with intimacy, just not huge quantities. The response is "well then no more asking about her day. Don't help her out.


I agree with your post and in quite a few cases, you have legitimate points.

This part that I quoted also has been shown to be 100% effective in some circumstances because some women have checked out through no fault of the husband.

There are some situations where women genuinely take their husbands for granted and aren't doing their part while enjoying everything that is being done for them.

This happens with women but the dynamic is a little different.

From the men's point of view though, this advice works in those situations as long as the wife doesn't actively hate her husband.

There is an example right here on TAM of a guy who turned his marriage around doing just that.


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

snowbum said:


> I've read many threads saying "I need sex 2-3 times a day" or daily. Or "my needs aren't met, the only thing different in marriage is sex" and on and on and on. Or it's " I can't stop wanting to cheat, or try BDSM, etc".
> 
> Intimacy is key. It's very important. But some people on here are in a relationship with intimacy, just not huge quantities. The response is "well then no more asking about her day. Don't help her out. Stop giving her any money. Get buff and look at women".
> 
> ...


My first wife did that.
She couldn’t get enough before we were married.
Afterwards it became a bargaining chip.
“Im feeling Randy tonight. I look there’s something I really want will you get it for me please.”
Time we got home hour later she was suddenly not in the mood.

In my early 20’s and We went well over 3 months without doing anything. I lost interest.

Teasing her one time we were fully We were fully clothed and laid her down on the bed and she told me I was bordering on rape cause I didn’t ask permission to put her on the bed. We weren’t even close to having sex.

Women in that family felt men always had to work for it or exchange something for emotional intimacy or sex.

She would give him hell on earth for trying to get sex with her and give in occasionally, BUT Every Friend he ever tried to make she was more than eager to find a way to sneak around and ****.
He gave up on making friends.
I was only one who didn’t.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. I've been hit with some very unflattering and untrue assumptions which include insinuations about owning my wife as property, enslaving her and abusing her.

Mrs. Conan must be nuts because she is one of the most satisfied and happy women statistically.

There are even posters I like quite a bit that have said some pretty despicable things about me but I don't take it personally. I'm guessing they have some really bad experiences is all.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> P.S. I've been hit with some very unflattering and untrue assumptions which include insinuations about owning my wife as property, enslaving her and abusing her.
> 
> Mrs. Conan must be nuts because she is one of the most satisfied and happy women statistically.
> 
> There are even posters I like quite a bit that have said some pretty despicable things about me but I don't take it personally. I'm guessing they have some really bad experiences is all.


It's just projection brother. Don't let it bother you


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

drencrom said:


> But of course you don't. Seriously, I can name at least 4 women here that are rife with misandry, but alas, don't want to get banned.
> 
> So just to give examples, there have been a few men come here recently dealing with a cheating wife, but yet somehow they are the a**holes because of some little thing they did or didn't do in the mind of the women in question.
> 
> One example would be, without getting into specifics, a man dealing with a cheating wife, but since he didn't come forth with every single bit of information pertaining to his situation at one time, he was somehow shady and a worse individual than the cheater.......because he's a man.


If there are only 4 that isn't many.


----------



## The Narcissist's Wife (10 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> I think some women, especially after kids, feel unconsciously they've done their job and don't desire sex anymore. Yes, I believe it's such a basic thing. But I don't believe most women do it on purpose. It's a natural development in a marriage. If you have kids, a full time job and also do the chores, sometimes sex is the last thing on their mind and husbands have to be understanding. Sex twice a day is not going to happen. Keep pestering and it becomes the elephant in the room. Of course, there are also many cases where the wife can't just be bothered and gives out starfish sex... communications and tolerance are the key.


I don't know if that's quite how women feel at all. Speaking as a woman..I would say generally after having a baby..or kids..you are usually just tired. Sometimes you don't feel as attractive after your body changes..I know plenty of men who speak openly about how child birth makes ugly stretch marks or loose jiggly skin and even make comments how it affects the vagina and they won't enjoy it now that it "stretched" out. Even if your husband doesn't make those comments..women still hear them a plenty and it brings on insecurities. Having a baby is extremely taxing..not only on your body but mind from lack of sleep and meeting new needs. Raising children and working and maintaining a house can be exhausting and draining. Most mother's work is from the time theybwake up to the time they go to sleep and even then u may be up half the night with a sick or restless child..and yes the husband's physical need can be set aside from time to time. If there is an abundance or lengthy time of abstinence..I would suspect a different cause other than motherhood.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

snowbum said:


> I've read ( and not responded) to many threads stating that women are cunning creatures that lure men into marriage and then purposely quit intimacy. And there are the numerous "wedding cake jokes" and the "smiling about the last bj" jokes. Not to mention men only being used as a bank, etc comments.
> 
> Add to that the assumption that women should be down for anything everytime or they can "F right off".
> 
> ...


Thank you!


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> It's just projection brother. Don't let it bother you


I'm willing to understand that some of them had really bad experiences so they have valid feelings but they are projecting because they haven't been able to separate the circumstances surrounding their abuse from the abuse.

When I talk about (rarely) my traditional biblical marriage, images of Mrs. Conan in chains and her as a dimwit or in some way less than and/or a victim leap into several minds.

I actually saw religion used to abuse growing up so I get where they are probably coming from. I've also seen it used recently to abuse men so it is an equal opportunity abuse device at least.😉


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

There are far too many generalizations made on TAM. 
I have known countless ladies in my life time from all walks of life, of all ages, different places, and I very rarely recognize what is described here at all. 
I appreciate that when people are hurt they tend to accuse all of being like the one who hurt them, but of course that's just nonsense.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> I'm willing to understand that some of them had really bad experiences so they have valid feelings but they are projecting because they haven't been able to separate the circumstances surrounding their abuse from the abuse.
> 
> When I talk about (rarely) my traditional biblical marriage, images of Mrs. Conan in chains and her as a dimwit or in some way less than and/or a victim leap into several minds.
> 
> I actually saw religion used to abuse growing up so I get where they are probably coming from. I've also seen it used recently to abuse men so it is an equal opportunity abuse device at least.😉


I think when Christianity is mentioned people often have a very wrong and skewed idea of how we live and what our marriages are like😂


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> There are far too many generalizations made on TAM.
> I have known countless ladies in my life time from all walks of life, of all ages, different places, and I very rarely recognize what is described here at all.
> I appreciate that when people are hurt they tend to accuse all of being like the one who hurt them, but of course that's just nonsense.


For my experience I would say I have seen enough to know that stereotypes about husbands and wifes are stereotypes for a reason.


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> I'm willing to understand that some of them had really bad experiences so they have valid feelings but they are projecting because they haven't been able to separate the circumstances surrounding their abuse from the abuse.
> 
> When I talk about (rarely) my traditional biblical marriage, images of Mrs. Conan in chains and her as a dimwit or in some way less than and/or a victim leap into several minds.
> 
> I actually saw religion used to abuse growing up so I get where they are probably coming from. I've also seen it used recently to abuse men so it is an equal opportunity abuse device at least.😉


The idea of a loving patriarchal marriage as abusive is opposite the truth.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

OP, I think there are quite a few posters on here that are consistently either anti-female or anti-male, but I think it is the minority, not the majority. I'm a big fan of the ignore button, it really cleans up the threads. Those that give different advice based on the OPs sex get an automatic ignore.

Anyone who is consistently anti the opposite sex clearly has their own baggage, and their advice is usually not helpful.




snowbum said:


> I've read many threads saying "I need sex 2-3 times a day


It is not the norm for men to be asking for sex 2 or 3 times daily at TAM, or thinking that is reasonable, so this makes me feel that maybe your interpretation of these threads is skewed. Guys would respond to that saying that is a ridiculous expectation.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I’ve taken into account that most thread topics are surface level because they're trying to provide an overview of often times, a very complicated situation. There is always a lot more to marital problems/disagreements than it coming down to one spouse’s “fault,” entirely.

I’ve seen a fair amount of blame though on here from men to women, and women to men in those types of threads. I don’t think I’ve seen men on here “bashing” women as in generalizing all women in negative ways, though.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> I think when Christianity is mentioned people often have a very wrong and skewed idea of how we live and what our marriages are like😂


There's all kind of so called Christians, not just your kind of Christian, consequently, there's all kind of "what my christian marriage" is like, from normal anyone's marriage, whether religious or not, to the sadistic wackos using the bible as justification to their morbid wacko views to rape and control women and children.


----------



## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

jsmart said:


> You’re a good loving wife, why would you think that men complaining about things that a significant minority of women do, is an attack on all women or even get upset about it. You described yourself, the way most men want their wife to be. No one is bashing women like you.
> 
> There does seem to be a hyper sensitivity to any “bashing “ of what women do. Not just here but in general. When a guy is betraying his wife or is abusive, you don’t see any men coming to his defense or talking about , “well what about blank” but we do get that here from some of our resident man haters, when a BH’s wife’s betrayal is layed out for all to see and it’s definitely a thing out in other forums.
> 
> TAM is probably the only forum that allows men and women to voice their dislikes about the opposite sex equally without being blocked. Everywhere else, male bashing is perfectly acceptable but men will be blocked for daring to complain about things that they dislike. Are you equally upset about that?


Well said!!!

Are there a few men + women on here that seem to be bitter? Yes. They don't speak (or represent) their entire gender and thus why would anyone on here get bent out of shape or feel disrespected by some stranger on an internet forum for crying out loud??


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I'll just add my first wife bailed out on me as I didn't make enough money after 20 years together. 

Only inputting this as any generalization on any gender is pretty much too broad-based. I am sure somewhere I could find a place where women post and complain their men don't make enough money and I could say women there generalize their husbands with less than six figure incomes were worthless.

I get what you are saying OP just not sure its always accurate.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

LisaDiane said:


> I wonder...have you noticed the male bashing that many female posters engage in? Do you find that offensive at all?


Not really. Most people are here because of a problem or even trauma in their relationship with another person. Hurt people respond in different ways. The true men/women bashers here have to be taken with a grain of salt.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I have no issue with these threads. The entire point of the exercise here is for people to share what's on their mind.

Always entertaining, sometimes, occasionally, even informative.

My 100% not-professional opinion and insight is that TAM has always tilted more male. Men are far less likely to have close contacts, friends, relationships or outlets where they feel remotely comfortable discussing circumstances that surround a failing marriage, intimacy issues, or infidelity. So, they find their way here. And consequently, find LOTS of other men in the exact same circumstances.

Neither sex has the market cornered on being sh!tty to the other. And for those that are partisan in the belief that statement is incorrect, then I'd suggest you evaluate your bias. 

I do think that it is important to remember that often times when people do feel compelled to post here, they do so from a place of feeling anger, fear, confusion, frustration, sadness ... the whole spectrum. TAM is inherently emotional. Highly emotional. I had to remind myself of that the other day when I responded to a thread, in a rather cavalier manner. The response was neither helpful, nor supportive or informative. Not for that person. Not under the circumstances with which they were struggling.

Men hurt women.
Women hurt men.

Nothing we discuss here is going to change that dynamic. But ... we can choose to learn, and perhaps do better, or avoid falling into old patterns of behavior that do not serve our needs or those of our partners. Or we can come here and wrap ourselves in that warm blanket of confirmation bias and bask in the echo chamber. 

I have read absolutely and utterly horrible things that people that supposedly loved one another at some time, have done to the other.

I don't believe that all/most men, are only interested in women for what is between their legs. There are absolutely numerous men here, myself amongst them that have made substantial 'adjustments' to how they think about, or conduct themselves in relationships with women that align more with meeting their needs, as opposed to focusing on ONLY their partners needs.

I don't believe that all/most women only see men as an ATM, or are looking to pull a bait and switch when it comes to intimacy and marriage.

If we are being real with ourselves, the reason almost anyone finds their way here, is because someone they loved, did or is doing something awful to them.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Deejo said:


> If we are being real with ourselves, the reason almost anyone finds their way here, is because someone they loved, did or is doing something awful to them.


Exactly!


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Deejo said:


> I don't believe that all/most women only see men as an ATM, or are looking to pull a bait and switch when it comes to intimacy and marriage.


Hah, I'm living proof that my wife married me for my "hotness" because I'm such an irresistible eye candy to women.I'm sure of that....wait,... maybe not...was it because I had that red convertible that conveyed a sense of a successful man with money...Oh god I've been deceived all these years!!.. well, maybe not, I'm going to my studio to think about it in the meantime I'll be preparing divorce papers, checking text messages, installing cameras and GPS trackers, and VARs. Just in case, you never know


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Rob_1 said:


> Hah, I'm living proof that my wife married me for my "hotness" because I'm such an irresistible eye candy to women.I'm sure of that....wait,... maybe not...was it because I had that red convertible that conveyed a sense of a successful man with money...Oh god I've been deceived all these years!!.. well, maybe not, I'm going to my studio to think about it in the meantime I'll be preparing divorce papers, checking text messages, installing cameras and GPS trackers, and VARs. Just in case, you never know


Didn't need all those things to find out that my XW was using me. 🤣🤣🤣🤣


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

This reminds me a post asking a question why so many women weren’t in a relationship without blaming a man. answers were along lines of 



> I’m a dominate, and ambitious female, and just haven’t found the man that can match my energy.





> I’m an independent, fat, sarcastic asshole.





> Cause I’m too strong willed.





> I have kids and don’t have time.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Sfort said:


> Not really. Most people are here because of a problem or even trauma in their relationship with another person. Hurt people respond in different ways. *The true men/women bashers here have to be taken with a grain of salt.*


I completely agree, but I don't believe the OP is choosing to do that.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

red oak said:


> This reminds me a post asking a question why so many women weren’t in a relationship without blaming a man. answers were along lines of


Where was THIS post??


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> If there are only 4 that isn't many.


And probably about as many men who post misogynistic crap. I guarantee you anyone that has come here with blatant misogyny that is just too over the top were likely banned.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I've read many threads saying "I need sex 2-3 times a day" or daily. Or "my needs aren't met, the only thing different in marriage is sex" and on and on and on.



Well then, take a gander at the thread where a woman wants an open relationship because her husband isn't as big as her sex partners back in college.

You're in for a real treat.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

snowbum said:


> I've read many threads saying "I need sex 2-3 times a day" or daily. Or "my needs aren't met, the only thing different in marriage is sex" and on and on and on. Or it's " I can't stop wanting to cheat, or try BDSM, etc".
> 
> Intimacy is key. It's very important. But some people on here are in a relationship with intimacy, just not huge quantities. The response is "well then no more asking about her day. Don't help her out. Stop giving her any money. Get buff and look at women".
> 
> ...


Rarely if ever has someone of either sex in a M here said I must have sex 2-3 times every day or I'm leaving. I'd have to see that quote.

You may be exaggerating a bit.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

snowbum said:


> I've read ( and not responded) to many threads stating that women are cunning creatures that lure men into marriage and then purposely quit intimacy. And there are the numerous "wedding cake jokes" and the "smiling about the last bj" jokes. Not to mention men only being used as a bank, etc comments.
> 
> Add to that the assumption that women should be down for anything everytime or they can "F right off".
> 
> ...


It does seem that way until you look at who's posting those threads and who's replying to support them. If you avoid those posters altogether, you realize it's certainly not every man doing it. 

I used to get annoyed whenever some men advocated for a hurt man (betrayed or otherwise) to go for a younger, hotter chick, bc that does make it seem that those men only value women in general for sex and nothing else. Think about it though, why get offended by the attitude of men you wouldn't look twice at, much less date/marry? Even if they look good, ugly is as ugly does. 

There are always going to be bitter people who can't move past victimhood, regardless of their sex, I've seen lots of women post ****ty things about men too. I don't bother arguing with either of those categories of people, it's not going to change them or what they think/say.


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> Where was THIS post??


Group on another social media site.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I read many replies and I do understand that not all men believe the same way. I realize experience impacts responses. I'm also reacting to the 'ideal number" "times a day" posts, etc. The HD/LD comments.

I try to be very deliberate (not duty based ) in my initiation and intimacy. However, there have been times I've dealt with hospitalized children, sick parents, work issues, COVID and may not have been active for a week or two. That's an anomoloy. Dh was very understanding even though it wasn't our ideal. It didn't go on long, thankfully.

I may be reading too much into things but it does seem that a good deal of men want the same sex they had at 20 when they are 50. And when life changes due to family, work, obligations the go to is "your wife should put your need first. You should be taken care of first no matter what. ". I agree the relationship should be a high priority but there are times other people have to come first. Death of a parent, being one of these times.

I understand that hormones differ between the genders, and I don't understand since I'm not a man. It seems that a good number of posters put more emphasis on lust and biology than love.


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Why it may appear there are more men complaining women do intimate 70% of all divorces.

I have helped set up wedding tents before and I have heard more women complimenting the bride on her FIRST marriage. 
None of them ever even notice what they’re saying, or don’t see anything odd about it. 
Or the mother of bride telling her its all about her. Her special day. Bride mentioned groom didn’t like something and mother said “it’s not about what he wants. It’s your day!”


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> I think some women, especially after kids, feel unconsciously they've done their job and don't desire sex anymore. Yes, I believe it's such a basic thing. But I don't believe most women do it on purpose. It's a natural development in a marriage. If you have kids, a full time job and also do the chores, sometimes sex is the last thing on their mind and husbands have to be understanding. Sex twice a day is not going to happen. Keep pestering and it becomes the elephant in the room. Of course, there are also many cases where the wife can't just be bothered and gives out starfish sex... communications and tolerance are the key.


Some women think this. I don't believe that's most women and I don't think it's natural.
I enjoy intimacy with my husband because we are good friends and have fun together. We respect each other.Once a day during the week 20-30 minutes is ideal. I think it's an individual thing rather than a blanket gender thing.

My husband isn't always game for daily encounters. he often is, but to say that because he's a man something is wrong if he doesn't want to /or can't go twice a day every day is equally wrong.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

drencrom said:


> Well then, take a gander at the thread where a woman wants an open relationship because her husband isn't as big as her sex partners back in college.
> 
> You're in for a real treat.


You are aware that we get a fair number of troll threads, right? The more outlandish a topic, the more likely it's a troll posting.


----------



## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

snowbum said:


> I've read ( and not responded) to many threads stating that women are cunning creatures that lure men into marriage and then purposely quit intimacy. And there are the numerous "wedding cake jokes" and the "smiling about the last bj" jokes. Not to mention men only being used as a bank, etc comments.
> 
> Add to that the assumption that women should be down for anything everytime or they can "F right off".
> 
> ...


Men blast women, women blast men, that won't likely change anytime soon. For me, I love women, all women fat, skinny, brown, white, you name it, it's all good. You have to take people on a case by case basis, otherwise, you're just one of them


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Rob_1 said:


> Hah, I'm living proof that my wife married me for my "hotness" because I'm such an irresistible eye candy to women.I'm sure of that....wait,... maybe not...was it because I had that red convertible that conveyed a sense of a successful man with money...Oh god I've been deceived all these years!!.. well, maybe not, I'm going to my studio to think about it in the meantime I'll be preparing divorce papers, checking text messages, installing cameras and GPS trackers, and VARs. Just in case, you never know


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Deejo said:


>


Who can argue? That is one good looking man!


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

ConanHub said:


> Who can argue? That is one good looking man!


Just makes me laugh. Always.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

snowbum said:


> but it does seem that a good deal of men want the same sex they had at 20 when they are 50


The funny thing is if those men actually were to perform as much sex as when they were 20, I'm afraid that most of them will shut up pretty soon when they realize that they can't any longer perform at the 20s level.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> I agree with your post and in quite a few cases, you have legitimate points.
> 
> This part that I quoted also has been shown to be 100% effective in some circumstances because some women have checked out through no fault of the husband.
> 
> ...


You don't say.



Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

The Narcissist's Wife said:


> I don't know if that's quite how women feel at all. Speaking as a woman..I would say generally after having a baby..or kids..you are usually just tired. Sometimes you don't feel as attractive after your body changes..I know plenty of men who speak openly about how child birth makes ugly stretch marks or loose jiggly skin and even make comments how it affects the vagina and they won't enjoy it now that it "stretched" out. Even if your husband doesn't make those comments..women still hear them a plenty and it brings on insecurities. Having a baby is extremely taxing..not only on your body but mind from lack of sleep and meeting new needs. Raising children and working and maintaining a house can be exhausting and draining. Most mother's work is from the time theybwake up to the time they go to sleep and even then u may be up half the night with a sick or restless child..and yes the husband's physical need can be set aside from time to time. If there is an abundance or lengthy time of abstinence..I would suspect a different cause other than motherhood.


my wife had a big problem with body issues, so I agree with you… 🙂


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

snowbum said:


> Some women think this. I don't believe that's most women and I don't think it's natural.


I did say “some women”… 😊


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

red oak said:


> Why it may appear there are more men complaining women do intimate 70% of all divorces.
> 
> *I have helped set up wedding tents before and I have heard more women complimenting the bride on her FIRST marriage.*
> None of them ever even notice what they’re saying, or don’t see anything odd about it.
> Or the mother of bride telling her its all about her. Her special day. Bride mentioned groom didn’t like something and mother said “it’s not about what he wants. It’s your day!”


That's totally ****ed up. On the other hand, I've heard my share of men talking about starter wives... You know the ones that support them while they're establishing their career, so they can spend money getting a trophy wife. Some people are just sh1tty people. 

Btw, my exH cheated on me, but I had to file, he wasn't man enough to walk and I'm not alone in that.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

snowbum said:


> I read many replies and I do understand that not all men believe the same way. I realize experience impacts responses. I'm also reacting to the 'ideal number" "times a day" posts, etc. The HD/LD comments.
> 
> I try to be very deliberate (not duty based ) in my initiation and intimacy. However, there have been times I've dealt with hospitalized children, sick parents, work issues, COVID and may not have been active for a week or two. That's an anomoloy. Dh was very understanding even though it wasn't our ideal. It didn't go on long, thankfully.
> 
> ...


So am I reading right that the triggering mechanism contributing in part to this post is about frequency of sex?

At 56, I keep waiting for my libido to crater, and it hasn't. Definitely has eased up a bit. But I can absolutely attest to the fact I think about, would be willing to have, or participate in sexual activity, every, single, day.

I'm also comfortable making the statement that your 'average' woman likely does not share that same desire, with the same enthusiasm.

So, most men are going to be left to deal with their issue, 'off books'. I'm referring to masturbation of course, certainly not advocating infidelity. Are you ok with, or do you enthusiastically support that? In reading your post, it certainly sounds like you feel a tremendous amount of pressure to perform. Sorry, but I don't know much else about your marriage dynamic.

Sex is not everything in a marriage. But for anyone with any delusions, I have no issue pointing out it is absolutely a primary thing factoring into a man's decision to wed. Hope no one has an issue acknowledging that?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Rob_1 said:


> The funny thing is if those men actually were to perform as much sex as when they were 20, I'm afraid that most of them will shut up pretty soon when they realize that they can't any longer perform at the 20s level.


No stink my man. I see a lot of 2-3x a day desires from guys who aren't getting any or very little and I don't think they realize the kind of shape you have to be in to perform (well) that much.

There might be a lot of men who think they can but there are just as many women that KNOW they can.😉


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

farsidejunky said:


> You don't say.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


Didn't want to call you out brother but since you outed yourself...😎

You've got what I consider a really great success story.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> No stink my man. I see a lot of 2-3x a day desires from guys who aren't getting any or very little and I don't think they realize the kind of shape you have to in to perform (well) that much.
> 
> There might be a lot of men who think they can but there are just as many women that KNOW they can.😉


I'll be honest, I'm in my early 50's and once a day is plenty for me.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> I'll be honest, I'm in my early 50's and once a day is plenty for me.


Might be a TJ but I've slowed way down in the last year.
Mrs. C is chasing me down these days.😋


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I don't know why people would get offended over someone else's marital problems but that's just me 🤷‍♂️


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> I'll be honest, I'm in my early 50's and once a day is plenty for me.





ConanHub said:


> Might be a TJ but I've slowed way down in the last year.
> Mrs. C is chasing me down these days.😋


I'm just a weirdo it seems


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> For my experience I would say I have seen enough to know that stereotypes about husbands and wifes are stereotypes for a reason.


It's just not representative if the majority though.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

ConanHub said:


> Might be a TJ but I've slowed way down in the last year.
> Mrs. C is chasing me down these days.😋


Show off ...


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> No stink my man. I see a lot of 2-3x a day desires from guys who aren't getting any or very little and I don't think they realize the kind of shape you have to be in to perform (well) that much.
> 
> There might be a lot of men who think they can but there are just as many women that KNOW they can.😉


I wonder if some of these guys think because they look at porn all day long with a constant rotation of new women and want to jerk off 2-3 times per day that they extrapolate they would want sex 2-3 times per day with the same woman.

It just doesn’t work that way and there is a biological reason for it. People should read up on the Coolidge Effect.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CallingDrLove said:


> I wonder if some of these guys think because they look at porn all day long with a constant rotation of new women and want to jerk off 2-3 times per day that they extrapolate they would want sex 2-3 times per day with the same woman.
> 
> It just doesn’t work that way and there is a biological reason for it. People should read up on the Coolidge Effect.


I think you're pretty close to the target.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

snowbum said:


> I may be reading too much into things but it does seem that a good deal of men want the same sex they had at 20 when they are 50.


Mentally I do want to. 

Physically there is no way I could do 4-5x in one day, I have tried and it doesn’t work great. Maybe as a one off but certainly not a lot of days in a row and my wife definitely not.

With that said I could easily go twice a day (morning and evening) 7d a week. She cannot, but there is a balance there.

I even mentioned to her as she was like “damn son you are a horny bastard” my response was, “Isn’t that the dream?” She asked what I meant and I said well what is the alternative? Do you want a husband who isn’t mad about you and excited to have sex with you every day? That doesn’t sound good to me… She thought about it and never considered it that way.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

CallingDrLove said:


> I wonder if some of these guys think because they look at porn all day long with a constant rotation of new women and want to jerk off 2-3 times per day that they extrapolate they would want sex 2-3 times per day with the same woman.
> 
> It just doesn’t work that way and there is a biological reason for it. People should read up on the Coolidge Effect.


I think that's a whoooole other discussion, but for the kind of guy you're describing I'd wager actively attempting to create an opportunity for, invest the effort in, and engage in sex, to them, is just too much work.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> I have more reason then most to have a bad opinion on women because of what my XW did to me and my kids. But I don't. Please don't generalize all men.


She didn't.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

snowbum said:


> I read many replies and I do understand that not all men believe the same way. I realize experience impacts responses. I'm also reacting to the 'ideal number" "times a day" posts, etc. The HD/LD comments.
> 
> I try to be very deliberate (not duty based ) in my initiation and intimacy. However, there have been times I've dealt with hospitalized children, sick parents, work issues, COVID and may not have been active for a week or two. That's an anomoloy. Dh was very understanding even though it wasn't our ideal. It didn't go on long, thankfully.
> 
> ...


Most of the solid M guys here also are fans of continuing the romance and dating their W through life's ups and downs. 
And appreciate the woman cums first mantra. And second, sometimes third, time permitting.

Re guys wanting the same amount of sex at 50 as they had at 20, that's certainly not an issue to do so, many Ms indeed do. It's good, not bad as your post infers, kindly.

As an example now as empty nesters W and I have more. I'm 59 she's 60. Havi g the whole house to yourself is a great sexual environment.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> So you're saying women never lure men into marriage using plenty of sex, then withholding sex when she wants after married?
> A common enough circumstance.


Good Lord.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> Are you are asking a serious question about this "issue"...?? It's really difficult to consider and address without specific examples. All you've done is make a sweeping generalization of posts and male posters on here...that has no real credibility.
> 
> I would suggest that if this is what you are reading in the majority of the threads on here, you aren't reading the same posts I am reading, because I totally disagree with you.
> 
> I wonder...have you noticed the male bashing that many female posters engage in? Do you find that offensive at all?


Minimal in comparison.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Nice threadjack going on.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

CallingDrLove said:


> I wonder if some of these guys think because they look at porn all day long with a constant rotation of new women and want to jerk off 2-3 times per day that they extrapolate they would want sex 2-3 times per day with the same woman.
> 
> It just doesn’t work that way and there is a biological reason for it. People should read up on the Coolidge Effect.


Thank you.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> I have more reason then most to have a bad opinion on women because of what my XW did to me and my kids. But I don't. Please don't generalize all men.


But didn't your XW manage to get herself locked in prison before divorce was final where she can't trouble you anymore?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> Nice threadjack going on.


If there's jacking going on, I'm probably involved.😉


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Actually, OP has brought up quite a few topics that are being discussed. Might not be lots of jacking going on.🙂


----------



## Seems Like Yesterday (9 mo ago)

Tired of hearing it is suggested men extrapolate from porn to their wives personnaly find that bunk makes no sense what so ever to me !


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> But didn't your XW manage to get herself locked in prison before divorce was final where she can't trouble you anymore?


She had done enough damage by the time she got locked up to last a lifetime. Especially with the kids


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Seems Like Yesterday said:


> Tired of hearing it is suggested men extrapolate from porn to their wives personnaly find that bunk makes no sense what so ever to me !


Give me a week and 21 different women of various appearances and I might be able to have sex 3 times a day for a week.

Now expect me to do that with my wife and it’s probably not happening. It has nothing to do with how attracted to her I am because I probably couldn’t do the same with any 1 of those 21 women. Hell, if I had unlimited time for screwing with my wife I think we’d both eventually say “forget this let’s go get some ice cream”.

I’m also the guy who very recently had a free testosterone 4 times the upper limit of the normal range and even then it wouldn’t be happening.

I love my wife and I think she’s sexy as hell but I also understand biology.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CallingDrLove said:


> Give me a week and 21 different women of various appearances and I might be able to have sex 3 times a day for a week.
> 
> Now expect me to do that with my wife and it’s probably not happening. It has nothing to do with how attracted to her I am because I probably couldn’t do the same with any 1 of those 21 women. Hell, if I had unlimited time for screwing with my wife I think we’d both eventually say “forget this let’s go get some ice cream”.
> 
> ...


4000😳😳😳


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

CallingDrLove said:


> Give me a week and 21 different women of various appearances and I might be able to have sex 3 times a day for a week.
> 
> *Now expect me to do that with my wife and it’s probably not happening. It has nothing to do with how attracted to her I am because I probably couldn’t do the same with any 1 of those 21 women. *Hell, if I had unlimited time for screwing with my wife I think we’d both eventually say “forget this let’s go get some ice cream”.
> 
> ...


I don't understand what you mean by this...are you saying that a new, different woman gives you more "inspiration" to perform where your wife doesn't inspire you the same way...and that somehow that means you aren't less attracted to her...??

I'm not being sarcastic, I'm really asking because I'm quite confused with what you mean...


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> I don't understand what you mean by this...are you saying that a new, different woman gives you more "inspiration" to perform where your wife doesn't inspire you the same way...and that somehow that means you aren't less attracted to her...??
> 
> I'm not being sarcastic, I'm really asking because I'm quite confused with what you mean...


What I’m saying is there is a biologic mechanism behind all this and it has to do with novelty seeking and neurotransmitters. Look up the Coolidge Effect.

This is all just a thought experiment and I have absolutely no desire to try it. The thing is my attraction to my wife is multi faceted and not just some biological urge to shoot my semen into some ripe uteruses.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm still trying to figure out what makes this such a hot thread


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

This is just biology and 100% of men would agree with me if they were being intellectually honest.
The bond and attraction I have to my wife is about more than just looks and that’s the exact reason why old couples can continue to have great sex lives into their golden years.

Now I’ve successfully thread jacked. 😂😂😂


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> You are aware that we get a fair number of troll threads, right? The more outlandish a topic, the more likely it's a troll posting.


Well, not to speak for MattMatt, but with his ending post, he seemed to not think so inferring that we chased her off and she didn't get the help she was looking for.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

CallingDrLove said:


> What I’m saying is there is a biologic mechanism behind all this and it has to do with novelty seeking and neurotransmitters. Look up the Coolidge Effect.
> 
> This is all just a thought experiment and I have absolutely no desire to try it. The thing is my attraction to my wife is multi faceted and not just some biological urge to shoot my semen into some ripe uteruses.


So....YES...?
Lol!!


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

jsmart said:


> TAM is probably the only forum that allows men and women to voice their dislikes about the opposite sex equally without being blocked.* Everywhere else,* male bashing is perfectly acceptable but men will be blocked for daring to complain about things that they dislike. *Are you equally upset about that?*


I think you'll need to be specific before the OP can respond.

This thread is actually an indicator of the mentality the OP is posting about. Some male members are uncomfortable with the topic so they threadjack and make it all about themselves and completely bury the original topic therefore dismissing the OP and illustrating her point at the same time.

It's tough to be a female poster on this forum..


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Blondilocks said:


> I think you'll need to be specific before the OP can respond.
> 
> This thread is actually an indicator of the mentality the OP is posting about. Some male members are uncomfortable with the topic so they threadjack and make it all about themselves and completely bury the original topic therefore dismissing the OP and illustrating her point at the same time.
> 
> It's tough to be a female poster on this forum..


I’m probably considered one of the thread jackers and I absolutely despise the female bashing. I think the PUA, Red Pill, and MGTOW movements are absolute jokes. It’s ridiculous that guys who spend so much time bashing women also spend so much time trying to get in their pants. Hell I’m married to a bulldog attorney who has made me uncomfortable watching her cross examine a witness in a trial I attended.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Seems Like Yesterday said:


> Tired of hearing it is suggested men extrapolate from porn to their wives personnaly find that bunk makes no sense what so ever to me !


You know, sometimes I think it would be so much easier if women really were as dumb as men think we are.

Every guy who ever cheated on me told me some version of this. "It's got nothing to do with you." "I was thinking of you the whole time." "It's different with you." "Being with her made me realize how great you are." "Stop being so insecure, I should be able to be with other women have you understand it's not about you." "You're so selfish, making this about you." "It's not that she's better than you, she's different and fulfills needs you don't. I'm a better partner with my needs met, why do you want me to be unhappy?"

Just, wow. WOW. Wow.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

drencrom said:


> Well, not to speak for MattMatt, but with his ending post, he seemed to not think so inferring that we chased her off and she didn't get the help she was looking for.


Do we think she's gone? She's not a new poster, she's been here off and on for a while. Maybe she just got sick of the thread itself? Or is off doing real life things? I hope it's not that she's gone forever. Are we talking about the OP or am I sticking my nose into something without knowing what you're talking about? Tell me so if I am. I haven't read the whole thread.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I think we should all come to an consensus...












That both sides are ****.


----------



## Seems Like Yesterday (9 mo ago)

info. my comment had nothing to do with the coolidge effect or biology at all in regard to porn and ones wife it was that guys do not extrapolate porn to the marriage bed they already know it is apples to oranges comparison regardless of biology of newness! Some do I suppose but makes no sense to do that.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

I do think that some of the "bashing" from men and women both, is mostly just people sharing their experiences. If a man comes in here and shares his negative experiences with women, is that bashing? Is it male bashing if a woman shares her negative experiences with men?


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Seems Like Yesterday said:


> info. my comment had nothing to do with the coolidge effect or biology at all in regard to porn and ones wife it was that guys do not extrapolate porn to the marriage bed they already know it is apples to oranges comparison regardless of biology of newness! Some do I suppose but makes no sense to do that.


It was a hard comment to interpret but I’m just going to disagree. I think lots of men actually do that and are totally delusional. Does that count as male bashing?


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

sokillme said:


> I think we should all come to an consensus...
> That both sides are ****.


Eh? Meh

I reckon people just have crappy pickers / boundaries

If they had my picker and filters I bet they would be complaining more about themselves then their partners


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> Are you are asking a serious question about this "issue"...?? It's really difficult to consider and address without specific examples. All you've done is make a sweeping generalization of posts and male posters on here...that has no real credibility.
> 
> I would suggest that if this is what you are reading in the majority of the threads on here, you aren't reading the same posts I am reading, because I totally disagree with you.
> 
> I wonder...have you noticed the male bashing that many female posters engage in? Do you find that offensive at all?


An example of what the OP is talking about:Another porn and lying post

See post #102 and 104 and more by the same poster who has now been banned.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> If they had my picker and filters I bet they would be complaining more about themselves then their partners


I SUPER want to tease you about work girl but feel like this isn't an appropriate time. You're a nice guy who doesn't bash women, and I appreciate it. It's easy, especially when you're hurting, to lash out or make wild generalizations. Usually people walk them back when they calm down, but not everyone. Sometimes the vitriol is really shocking.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

CallingDrLove said:


> Hell I’m married to a bulldog attorney who has made me uncomfortable watching her cross examine a witness in a trial I attended.


That would put me slightly off… or maybe not!


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> An example of what the OP is talking about:Another porn and lying post
> 
> See post #102 and 104 and more by the same poster who has now been banned.


But he bashes everybody… myself included…


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> That would put me slightly off… or maybe not!


She knows she can’t pull dirty lawyer tricks with me because I’m smarter than her (her words not mine) and she loves that about me. So her putting another guy on the hot seat was kind of well hot even though I felt kind of sorry for the guy.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I SUPER want to tease you about work girl but feel like this isn't an appropriate time. You're a nice guy who doesn't bash women, and I appreciate it. It's easy, especially when you're hurting, to lash out or make wild generalizations. Usually people walk them back when they calm down, but not everyone. Sometimes the vitriol is really shocking.


Lol I'm not a nice guy, if you read what I admitted on one of the threads about my temper you'll see haha.

As for generalisations well that would be just silly of me, even when hurting and when I complain about my exs I always know half if not more of the issues in my relationships were always because of me 😅 not to mention all the women in my life have been quality

Hence people should get better pickers and filters!


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> *Lol I'm not a nice guy,* if you read what I admitted on one of the threads about my temper you'll see haha.
> 
> As for generalisations well that would be just silly of me, even when hurting and when I complain about my exs I always know half if not more of the issues in my relationships were always because of me 😅 not to mention all the women in my life have been quality
> 
> Hence people should get better pickers and filters!


Said every nice guy ever.

Sorry, you’ll never convince me. You love your little girl. Good dads are the most important thing for little girls.

Sometimes it’s not your picker that’s the problem. It’s time.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Said every nice guy ever.
> 
> Sorry, you’ll never convince me. You love your little girl. Good dads are the most important thing for little girls.
> 
> Sometimes it’s not your picker that’s the problem. It’s time.


The ones who have to let everyone know what a nice guy they are often aren't.

Ask me how I know 😅

I'd trust one who claimed to be a jerk a lot more.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> An example of what the OP is talking about:Another porn and lying post
> 
> See post #102 and 104 and more by the same poster who has now been banned.


I was totally ignoring that thread until...........😵‍💫😔😵‍💫😵‍💫


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> An example of what the OP is talking about:Another porn and lying post
> 
> See post #102 and 104 and more by the same poster who has now been banned.


That poster's ban is up in a few days.


----------



## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I've read ( and not responded) to many threads stating that women are cunning creatures that lure men into marriage and then purposely quit intimacy. And there are the numerous "wedding cake jokes" and the "smiling about the last bj" jokes. Not to mention men only being used as a bank, etc comments.
> 
> Add to that the assumption that women should be down for anything everytime or they can "F right off".
> 
> ...


I mean, as a woman, I get pretty aggravated with women and the treatment of men. Not all of course, but coming from a relationship where I was basically just a servant to my husband.. there are SO many women out there that don’t know what they have in a partner and the same goes for men. 

🤷🏼‍♀️ there are plenty that should be ashamed how they treat their spouse. But they aren’t.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

RandomDude said:


> I'm still trying to figure out what makes this such a hot thread


I'd wager it's the 'whose fault is it really?' aspect.

There are are partisans on both sides.

As another poster pointed out ... sorry, forgot who. But it isn't at all unusual for a man or woman to come to the boards and start sounding off on what an absolute piece of human trash their partner is. And invariably, someone can relate too well, and the post becomes triggering. It's all kind of a landslide from there. Whether the culprit is a man or a woman, the language starts to shift to encompass the entire gender, and thereby sets somebody else off. Like a string of firecrackers.

For either a man or a woman that is hurting, and feels like they bent over backwards to serve their marriage and their partner, only to be betrayed or worse ... I completely understand how reading here can be triggering.

That's when we really count on those penis size, anal, and 3some threads ... to throw up a distraction.


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

I've had no problems from men or women on here. There are a LOT of good men here in Tam, me being female I find that women can be aggressive and twist words to fit their own gender.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Deejo said:


> I'd wager it's the 'whose fault is it really?' aspect.
> 
> There are are partisans on both sides.
> 
> ...


Guess I'm too used to it by now and expect thicker skin lol



> That's when we really count on those penis size, anal, and 3some threads ... to throw up a distraction.


Hahaha! Or cuckold bombs in the middle of the thread to distract everyone for the next few pages or so


----------



## SnakePlissken (10 mo ago)

I haven't seen all the bashing of men or woman here at TAM described in this thread. Perhaps it is because I've only been lurking/posting for a short time. Compared to other forums the crowd here is quite respectful.

There is always a few characters in any crowd.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> ......
> It's tough to be a female poster on this forum..


Thank you!


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Thank you!


It is hard to be a woman on this forum because there is such a dark manosphere, he-man woman haters presence here. But there are a few men who will stand for women.
We don’t say the things we say to hurt, we say them to explain how we feel. It’s not an attack.


----------



## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It is hard to be a woman on this forum because there is such a dark manosphere, he-man woman haters presence here. But there are a few men who will stand for women.
> We don’t say the things we say to hurt, we say them to explain how we feel. It’s not an attack.


There are absolutely men on here that will stand for women and I’m grateful for them in my mess. Their wisdom has carried me when I felt so very lost. Truth hurts sometimes, they aren’t picking on women as a whole when they do speak up.. there are far too many women out there who won’t take that wisdom and make better choices.

Same goes for dudes.


----------



## kh4OffRoad (9 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> I've read ( and not responded) to many threads stating that women are cunning creatures that lure men into marriage and then purposely quit intimacy. And there are the numerous "wedding cake jokes" and the "smiling about the last bj" jokes. Not to mention men only being used as a bank, etc comments.
> 
> Add to that the assumption that women should be down for anything everytime or they can "F right off".
> 
> ...


I mostly agree with you. Too many guys post things like “we’re never having sex anyone we are down to 2x a week” I personally think a situation like that should be “damn or love life is on fire”! Intimacy and yes sex are part of life, it is important. However so is the whole of the relationship, you still have to make sure you are handling your business too. I’m living prof of why intimacy and sex are important. With out them we have become basically roommates. It’s a soul-crushing way to live. I have asked for advice on how to handle it on here. I am very happy that someone took their time to help. In conclusion you are right there’s a little bit too much complaining, not enough solution.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

BruceBanner said:


> Well go on what else are women good for? We're all waiting.


Trying to put the Ban in Bruce Banner?


----------



## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

CallingDrLove said:


> Trying to put the Ban in Bruce Banner?


Maybe you can answer my question. What do women offer men? I think if men could reproduce asexually you'd see even more single men than you do now.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

BruceBanner said:


> I think if men could reproduce asexually you'd see even more single men than you do now.


Couldn't a single man get an egg donor, use their own sperm and find a surrogate?


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

so_sweet said:


> Couldn't a single man get an egg donor, use their own sperm and find a surrogate?


Apparently, men can get pregnant now. So they say.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

BruceBanner said:


> Maybe you can answer my question. What do women offer men? I think if men could reproduce asexually you'd see even more single men than you do now.


Huh? Sex is 99.9999% recreation, 0.00001% procreation.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> Trying to put the Ban in Bruce Banner?


I've had a very stressful day and for some reason this is really making me laugh!


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> I've had a very stressful day and for some reason this is really making me laugh!


 Freaking 6 foot 4 doctors. 😜


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> Freaking 6 foot 4 doctors. 😜


Omg, too funny!!


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

BruceBanner said:


> Well go on what else are women good for?





BruceBanner said:


> What do women offer men?


To be clear, I think both men and women can offer good things to one another. But please allow me to answer your question with a question: What can't a woman offer a man?

Many women are the breadwinners these days. Many don't need their husband's income (_raises hand_). Besides that, women offer love and support and of course many other things that I think are pretty much common sense.

You probably know that feeling touch increases well-being. Most women, whether married or not, feel touch all the time from family and friends and even an acquaintance or neighbour can offer a hug. I bet a married man gets touched more often than a single man does. How often does a lonely bachelor feel touch from another person? So, something as simple as OUR TOUCH is something a woman can offer a man.

Also, don't they say married men live longer than single men? Don't you think there is a reason for that?


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

At least this forum is not lacking men who are over 6' tall, make a ton of dough, professional credentials up the ass, highly educated and are hung like Long Dong Silver.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

so_sweet said:


> Couldn't a single man get an egg donor, use their own sperm and find a surrogate?


The surrogate would still be a female. So, they still need a woman. 🤣


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

BruceBanner said:


> Maybe you can answer my question. What do women offer men? I think if men could reproduce asexually you'd see even more single men than you do now.


Maybe you could answer this... what do men offer women? If women could reproduce asexually, you'd see even more single women then you do now.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> At least this forum is not lacking men who are over 6' tall, make a ton of dough, professional credentials up the ass, highly educated and are hung like Long Dong Silver.


I'm so out of place.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Blondilocks said:


> At least this forum is not lacking men who are over 6' tall, make a ton of dough, professional credentials up the ass, highly educated and are hung like Long Dong Silver.


It’s true but I’m kind of a jerk and don’t have the best hygiene so there’s that.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

BruceBanner said:


> I think if men could reproduce asexually you'd see even more single men than you do now.


Another thing, IMO, there would be even LESS single men if that were the case!

Deep breath...
The morning (all day) sickness, gagging on prenatal vitamins (why hello again morning sickness), the swelling (oh, sorry, none of your shoes fit any longer), the stretch marks, no deli meat (thank-you, listeria), craving deli meat, the weight gain, pregnancy mask (some of us get gypped out of that glow!), sleeping/sitting/standing/breathing uncomfortably, food aversions, not seeing your toes, getting an epidural (try not to move when the needle goes into the space around your spinal cord!), then the Big Day arrives and that can take the cake to any of the above!

That all said, it's all worth it to us women and sometimes we even get pregnant again.

Because we are that badass.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This thread reminds me of a poster who was on here a few years ago. I wish I remembered the username, but I don't.

He started a thread talking about how upset he was that his wife never wanted sex with him. It was a very sad story. A guy who said he really loves his wife, but she is just not interested anymore in sex. He got a lot of support with people going on about how terrible his wife was and how he needs to dump her, etc. etc.

Well after a few days of him posting and getting strong support as a guy who was being abused via neglect from his wife, his wife noticed that he was posting here and joined TAM. She posted her side of the story. She said that she loved him but there were problems. If I remember correctly, he was a construction worker. When he came home from work every day he just stripped down to naked, lounged in their bed and watched TV until it was time to go to sleep. He ate his meals in bed. He seldom took a shower/bath or brushed his teeth. So he was, well, smelly. He did nothing to help around the house. (She worked full time.) She posted that the reason she was not having sex with him, besides the smell, is that the way he came on to her was that she'd be walking by their room, and he'd yell out to her to come jump on his erection.

In response to her posts, he said that well, what she said is true, but come on he just wanted some sex. After that the input he got completely changed.

The moral of the story is that when a person comes here and posts, we are getting only one side of the story. It's generally the side that makes the poster look better, like the victim. Sometimes that's an accurate telling of the situation. Sometimes is the furthest thing from the truth.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

BTW aside from sex women offer a lot. I thought about this many times and my answer is that we are a complimentary pair.

My reaction to a lot of situations is immediate anger. To a lot of these same situations my wife might have a different reaction like empathy or compassion.

Her being “nice” to strangers has sometimes helped us and in one case saved us really a ridiculous amount of money where we obtained legal permission from a neighbor to encroach on their property line. The guy she dealt with if I answered the door instead I would have been immediately hostile towards him.

The roles can reverse here of course, however as a guy I wouldn’t be looking for a wife who had that type of personality.


----------



## kh4OffRoad (9 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> Another thing, IMO, there would be even LESS single men if that were the case!
> 
> Deep breath...
> The morning (all day) sickness, gagging on prenatal vitamins (why hello again morning sickness), the swelling (oh, sorry, none of your shoes fit any longer), the stretch marks, no deli meat (thank-you, listeria), craving deli meat, the weight gain, pregnancy mask (some of us get gypped out of that glow!), sleeping/sitting/standing/breathing uncomfortably, food aversions, not seeing your toes, getting an epidural (try not to move when the needle goes into the space around your spinal cord!), then the Big Day arrives and that can take the cake to any of the above!
> ...


I don’t think anyone will argue about any of that! I tell people ALL the time, I watched my wife give birth. She did all the work/ went through all the pain…. But I’m the one that left with PTSD. If anyone ever says “you two should try again” I’ll often smile and say no thanks my nerves can’t handle that!


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

so_sweet said:


> Another thing, IMO, there would be even LESS single men if that were the case!
> 
> Deep breath...
> Deep breath...
> ...


And I will say too all that - how very true. For me I'll also throw in thanks for being the ones to have the kids.

I was in the delivery room with W for our kids and I'm very happy it's women and not me to have to go through pregnancy and birth. Very impressive and I'm very serious about that.

I still remember because I caught some slack because after a 12 hr labor and healthy mom/baby birth W told me to go home and get some rest so I did, but my closest buds and I celebrated my first child being a man-child so the lineage continues and got drunk to celebrate.
The next morning at the hospital I got my first experience of what it means when a W says to go do something but doesn't really mean it.

We were young, by design and got to enjoy kids when we were like 22 or 23, married almost a year before first son.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Both of our boys were over 8.5lbs, and labor had to be induced both times, they were fully cooked.
Here's my point. For something over 8 lbs to pass through that small opening is staggering and a miracle. I couldn't do it.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Both of our boys were over 8.5lbs, and labor had to be induced both times, they were fully cooked.
> Here's my point. For something over 8 lbs to pass through that small opening is staggering and a miracle. I couldn't do it.


I think 8.5 lbs sounds big and healthy! Nice job, mama! 

My first son weighed that much, my next two sons weighed a few ounces over 6 lbs, my youngest son was premature and weighed under 4 lbs and spent time in the hospital in the NICU.

All four were c-sections, so maybe I got to "cheat" a little. Though, maybe not, as I've heard with a vaginal birth, the pain stops once the baby is born (although I realize that's not always the case), and with a c-section the pain starts after the baby is born. With my last, my stitches burst open in my sleep (so awful!) and they stitched me back together again in the ER with no pain meds! All worth it though!


----------



## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

so_sweet said:


> I think 8.5 lbs sounds big and healthy! Nice job, mama!
> 
> My first son weighed that much, my next two sons weighed a few ounces over 6 lbs, my youngest son was premature and weighed under 4 lbs and spent time in the hospital in the NICU.
> 
> All four were c-sections, so maybe I got to "cheat" a little. Though, maybe not, as I've heard with a vaginal birth, the pain stops once the baby is born (although I realize that's not always the case), and with a c-section the pain starts after the baby is born. With my last, my stitches burst open in my sleep (so awful!) and they stitched me back together again in the ER with no pain meds! All worth it though!


my son was also a C-section baby and the pain meds wore off after they pulled himout. No could feel every stitch, every tug and was shaking so hard because of the pain I couldn’t even hold my son until later on.
And to upset the OP, my husband then went on to go home not even an hour later, because he “didn’t like hospitals,” when in reality he wanted to be home drinking and watching porn.

So my point is, some of us have really valid stories of our spouse doing horrendously selfish things and rag on them for it. I never told anyone about what my husband did because it even embarrassed me. But I am now because of the point I’m trying to make and he’s no longer with us anyhow.

it goes both ways though, it’s not just men. You can read my story and see where I had stupid moments as well. It all in the posters MO, do they want to better their relationship or just play the victim to gain sympathy, most people don’t have the balls to be truly transparent even on a forum like this. To strangers. Often times it’s because I believe they know what they should be doing and don’t want to hear truth from an outsider.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

A


kh4OffRoad said:


> I on’t think anyone will argue about any of that! I tell people ALL the time, I watched my wife give birth. She did all the work/ went through all the pain…. But I’m the one that left with PTSD. If anyone ever says “you two should try again” I’ll often smile and say no thanks my nerves can’t handle that!


Are you serious with the pstd?????


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> A
> 
> Are you serious with the pstd?????


Can't be.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> my son was also a C-section baby and the pain meds wore off after they pulled himout. No could feel every stitch, every tug and was shaking so hard because of the pain I couldn’t even hold my son until later on.
> And to upset the OP, my husband then went on to go home not even an hour later, because he “didn’t like hospitals,” when in reality he wanted to be home drinking and watching porn.
> 
> So my point is, some of us have really valid stories of our spouse doing horrendously selfish things and rag on them for it. I never told anyone about what my husband did because it even embarrassed me. But I am now because of the point I’m trying to make and he’s no longer with us anyhow.
> ...


Ouch! I could not even imagine that! Not all of my stitches burst open and that was painful enough getting stitched up again without pain meds. I couldn't imagine how painful all the stitches being done without pain meds would be. I'm really sorry you went through that as well as everything else in your post too.


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

so_sweet said:


> To be clear, I think both men and women can offer good things to one another. But please allow me to answer your question with a question: What can't a woman offer a man?
> 
> Many women are the breadwinners these days. Many don't need their husband's income (_raises hand_). Besides that, women offer love and support and of course many other things that I think are pretty much common sense.
> 
> ...


Hope you don't mind I'm going to 'devil's advocate' this one.

In my experience the old adage "what's mine is ours, what's hers is hers" still rings true. And there's a shot clock when a woman earns more than their husband. 


> When women out-earn their husbands, marriages struggle. Marriages of female breadwinners are *50%* more likely to end in divorce, according to a University of Chicago study.


That's hardly an incentive for a man to marry.

This thread seemed to start due to bitter posts from men trapped in dead bedroom marriages. While your touch may be beneficial, the withholding of it breaks men. From those threads, you'll also see that these men are more likely to suffer in silence for years than they are to seek divorce. Never marrying is far better than that.

Which brings me to the lives longer point. What you say is true ... for happily married men. Men in unhappy marriages, divorced men, and widowers, all have worse health outcomes and lower life expectancy than never married men. 


> Over a 17-year period, married men survived far longer (median 69 months) than separated and widowed patients (38 months); men who had never married had an intermediate survival rate (49 months).


Given that 50% of marriages end in divorce, that some percentage of the rest are unhappy marriages, that 80% of divorces are initiated by the woman, and that divorce sends men to an earlier grave I'm not sure that the health benefits are really a selling point.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

BruceBanner said:


> Maybe you can answer my question. What do women offer men?


It really depends on the woman and the man.

I'm guessing women you are dealing with have certain personality problems?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> At least this forum is not lacking men who are over 6' tall, make a ton of dough, professional credentials up the ass, highly educated and are hung like Long Dong Silver.


When did this become a penis thread?

Did you just start it?😉


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> When did this become a penis thread?
> 
> Did you just start it?😉


Some people are just obsessed with penis, I guess


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Blondilocks said:


> At least this forum is not lacking men who are over 6' tall, make a ton of dough, professional credentials up the ass, highly educated and are hung like Long Dong Silver.


Three out of five ain’t bad.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

BruceBanner said:


> Maybe you can answer my question. What do women offer men? I think if men could reproduce asexually you'd see even more single men than you do now.


If you don't know, anyone telling you will accomplish nothing at all, would be a waste of time.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Sfort said:


> Three out of five ain’t bad.


I was going to say 4 out of 5


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> A
> 
> Are you serious with the pstd?????


Yes... really? I was there at the birth of all my children... a bit bloody and my wife mangled my hand, but apart from that... I enjoyed Gas and Air...


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If you don't know, anyone telling you will accomplish nothing at all, would be a waste of time.


It's not about not knowing. The real question behind that question is: Does what women say they offer men in LTRs match what men actually want in LTRs?

It's only a waste of time because the answers most commonly don't line up.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

DownButNotOut said:


> Hope you don't mind I'm going to 'devil's advocate' this one.


I don't mind at all.  I love a good "devil's advocate" debate!


DownButNotOut said:


> In my experience the old adage "what's mine is ours, what's hers is hers" still rings true. And there's a shot clock when a woman earns more than their husband.


Perhaps those wives who believe in "what's mine is ours, what's hers is hers" are selfish, a little money hungry and materialistic. I couldn't imagine that even crossing my mind in my marriage, never mind actually putting it into effect. Why would a woman expect her husband to share but doesn't give him the same courtesy? They sound a bit greedy and perhaps a bit _Veruca Salt._

In my marriage: My husband and I currently earn just about the same (sidenote: but as I said in my post, I could live without his income). There have been times when I have earned more than him in our marriage, and the way I/we are, there is no "what's mine is ours, what's hers is hers" when it comes to things like money or anything else. I mean, I do say his pick-up truck IS his as I would never drive it, but I don't say it because he bought it with "his" money, we purchased it with our money.

So, the "what's mine is ours, what's hers is hers" point I have to somewhat disagree on (it may apply to some women but not all) and say something like that should probably be looked at on a case-by-case basis.


DownButNotOut said:


> _When women out-earn their husbands, marriages struggle. Marriages of female breadwinners are *50%* more likely to end in divorce, according to a University of Chicago study._
> That's hardly an incentive for a man to marry.


I'm not doubting this information when I say I have never heard of it before -- I haven't because I've never even thought about it. That's pretty interesting and 50% is a big number! I wonder why that is? Only a man can be the breadwinner (if you want a better chance of marriage lasting)?

I want to joke and say this must literally be a MAN made-up thing to possibly keep women from wanting to 1. Have good careers, 2. Be successful and 3. Have women strive to be good little wives instead. But, I won't make that joke.  In all seriousness, if this information from this study is to be taken as fact, then that's very sad in my opinion.



DownButNotOut said:


> This thread seemed to start due to bitter posts from men trapped in dead bedroom marriages. While your touch may be beneficial, the withholding of it breaks men. From those threads, you'll also see that these men are more likely to suffer in silence for years than they are to seek divorce. Never marrying is far better than that.


Absolutely no argument from me here. There was a time in my own marriage recently where I experienced a dead bedroom for only about two weeks. To me, it felt awful and hurtful. I don't want to even imagine what being trapped in a dead bedroom marriage feels like long-term.


DownButNotOut said:


> Which brings me to the lives longer point. What you say is true ... for happily married men. Men in unhappy marriages, divorced men, and widowers, all have worse health outcomes and lower life expectancy than never married men.


_Over a 17-year period, married men survived far longer (median 69 months) than separated and widowed patients (38 months); men who had never married had an intermediate survival rate (49 months)._


DownButNotOut said:


> Given that 50% of marriages end in divorce, that some percentage of the rest are unhappy marriages, that 80% of divorces are initiated by the woman, and that divorce sends men to an earlier grave I'm not sure that the health benefits are really a selling point.


Well, I've learned something new again today. How could anyone argue with that? I certainly can't.

Thanks for your post. It was a good read it and I enjoyed replying to it, plus I learned some new things.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

My second child

11 pound
Vaginal delivery 
No tears
No epidural
No pain medicine 

She was Wonder Woman.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Both of our boys were over 8.5lbs, and labor had to be induced both times, they were fully cooked.
> Here's my point. For something over 8 lbs to pass through that small opening is staggering and a miracle. I couldn't do it.


My first was nearly 10 lbs and I was tiny back then😲 second 8lb 6, third 9lb.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Can't be.


Thats what I thought but with so many people claiming pstd now nothing would surprise me. 🤔


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Sfort said:


> Three out of five ain’t bad.


Checking none of the boxes is depressing


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

CallingDrLove said:


> My second child
> 
> 11 pound
> Vaginal delivery
> ...


How long was the labour?
My 10 pounder took 36 hours with 3 hours of trying to push him out after that. As well as being big he has a very large head. Had to have forceps eventually and he came out looking as if he had been 5 rounds with Mike Tyson. One eye was completely closed for days, marks all over his head and face. 
I had so many stitches I couldn't sit properly for weeks.


----------



## kh4OffRoad (9 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> A
> 
> Are you serious with the pstd?????


Ummm. Yes! Nothing like seeing you spouse almost die that makes you realize how dangerous birthing is! We couldn’t be together for a very long time afterwards, and no I didn’t complain 1 time. That’s a lot of trauma to the body!!!


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Rus47 said:


> Checking none of the boxes is depressing


LoL! I'm playing my own game and I'm very successful at it. Set your own standards and it works pretty good.😉

I've never been bothered by attributes I don't have. It seems like wasted time and energy as I've seen others doing it.

Checking boxes isn't that practical a practice in real life.

I can't check the 6' box that appears to be fairly prominent in OLD requirements and many women being interviewed about what their minimum requirements are. I would lay good odds on getting the interest of many of those same women if they met me in real life.😎

There are also guys who are able to check a lot of boxes and don't have the game my kid did in grade school.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Rus47 said:


> Checking none of the boxes is depressing


I have one... the most important.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> This thread reminds me of a poster who was on here a few years ago. I wish I remembered the username, but I don't.
> 
> He started a thread talking about how upset he was that his wife never wanted sex with him. It was a very sad story. A guy who said he really loves his wife, but she is just not interested anymore in sex. He got a lot of support with people going on about how terrible his wife was and how he needs to dump her, etc. etc.
> 
> ...


Thank you!


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownButNotOut said:


> Hope you don't mind I'm going to 'devil's advocate' this one.
> 
> In my experience the old adage "what's mine is ours, what's hers is hers" still rings true. And there's a shot clock when a woman earns more than their husband.
> 
> ...


Meanwhile just after sharing sex again, with my wonderful wife. Who is now snoozing, while I type this.

I’m certainly glad I got married.

Of which I can assure you that my (a bit shy of a week and a few days) 23 year marriage isn’t struggling at all. While I earn about ⅓, of what my wife earns right now. Plus except for 2 years in our relationship (when she was on maternity leave), my wife has always (even when we were dating) earned more than I as well.

Yet I really am very happy, being married to my lovely, very attractive, high sexual desire and accomplished wife. Who shares with me plentiful and very frequent sexual delights, who is also terrific company, often makes me breakfast and other meals as well.

Plus on that old adage, my wife says it like this: “What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is not yours.” And she’s certainly welcome to say that.

Yet she thinks the world of me (as I do of her).

One thing for sure despite your assertions, happy marriages can certainly be had with that dynamic. So I’m glad I wasn’t inclined to sit on the sidelines.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> There are also guys who are able to check a lot of boxes and don't have the game my kid did in grade school.


🙋‍♂️

For some reason I’ve been way better at married game than as was at single guy game though, way better. Although if I found myself single again it would be like shooting fish in a barrel knowing what I know now.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

BruceBanner said:


> Maybe you can answer my question. What do women offer men? I think if men could reproduce asexually you'd see even more single men than you do now.


Closer to the truth would be if men could give themselves a BJ.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CallingDrLove said:


> 🙋‍♂️
> 
> For some reason I’ve been way better at married game than as was at single guy game though, way better. Although if I found myself single again it would be like shooting fish in a barrel knowing what I know now.


It can definitely be an education about women after you have been secured by one.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Closer to the truth would be if men could give themselves a BJ.


Some can. I saw a man doing that on a VHS porn video (one of my mates had), that I saw in the mid 1990s.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Blondilocks said:


> At least this forum is not lacking men who are over 6' tall, make a ton of dough, professional credentials up the ass, highly educated and are hung like Long Dong Silver.





ConanHub said:


> When did this become a penis thread?
> Did you just start it?😉


Hahahahah! WELL DONE!


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Rus47 said:


> Checking none of the boxes is depressing


Good thing that's not most women's boxes. That's actually what jaded men think women's boxes are if women were as shallow as they are.

You're one of the greatest guys on this forum.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In truth, all you need is ONE BIG... personality


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

The "6" rule


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I've only known one size queen in my whole life. That's more of an attribute of men than women.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Personal said:


> Some can. I saw a man doing that on a VHS porn video (one of my mates had), that I saw in the mid 1990s.


Did he give himself a facial?


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Did he give himself a facial?


He might have, I can’t remember. And I only saw it once in one of my mates barracks rooms. Since he wanted me to see it, because it was unusual.

Accomplished as that guy was, we just thought it was funny.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Personal said:


> He might have, I can’t remember. And I only saw it once in one of my mates barracks rooms. Since he wanted me to see it, because it was unusual.
> 
> Accomplished as that guy was, we just thought it was funny.


As soon as you said barracks, I got the image of a whole bunch of you guys straining to bend over in your bunks.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> As soon as you said barracks, I got the image of a whole bunch of you guys straining to bend over in your bunks.


I thought you would appreciate that detail. That said, I’m sure some have tried, and good luck to them if they could pull it off 🤣. As for myself I know my limitations.

And barracks rooms in Regular Army, infantry battalions (at least the ones I saw) were single person rooms with no bunk beds.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Blondilocks said:


> At least this forum is not lacking men who are over 6' tall, make a ton of dough, professional credentials up the ass, highly educated and are hung like Long Dong Silver.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

kh4OffRoad said:


> Ummm. Yes! Nothing like seeing you spouse almost die that makes you realize how dangerous birthing is! We couldn’t be together for a very long time afterwards, and no I didn’t complain 1 time. That’s a lot of trauma to the body!!!


Wow. Didn't realise that being at a difficult birth caused PTSD.


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Wow. Didn't realise that being at a difficult birth caused PTSD.


I think it's great birth control for the young. 😂 

It's too bad we don't participate in community birth anymore - for the most part.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> How long was the labour?
> My 10 pounder took 36 hours with 3 hours of trying to push him out after that. As well as being big he has a very large head. Had to have forceps eventually and he came out looking as if he had been 5 rounds with Mike Tyson. One eye was completely closed for days, marks all over his head and face.
> I had so many stitches I couldn't sit properly for weeks.


I can’t remember exactly but it was around 12 hours. The thing is we were at church and she didn’t tell me labor had started. I just thought she was really getting into the praise and worship music. The next weeks lots of women told her they knew what was going on. She just didn’t want to alarm me because she thought I’d overreact and say she needed to go to the hospital and she didn’t want to get.

I wouldn’t use the term PTSD but it was difficult seeing that child born because he looked like a dead fish when he came out and it took a few minutes to get him breathing well. I was over by the baby warming cheering for him saying “Buddy, you can do this”. I’m actually getting teared up typing this.

He ended up in the OR 15 days later with pyloric stenosis. He had a rough first couple weeks but he just turned 5 and is a beast. Those online height prediction calculators say he will be 6-6, those same formulas under predicted my height by 2 inches.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

In other words @Rus47 , you have a long successful marriage. You have done your own thing and it worked well.

There are obviously boxes you have checked off that younger men should be looking at.


----------



## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> There is a desperate need for some in TAM to forgive former spouses to be free of the poison that they have inside them.


Some of them are ia a desperate need to be free of the poison that they have _outside_ them. 
That is to make their spouses become former ones.
Not at all enough but it may make not easier but more consistent to forgive the human being and stay far away from them as actual or potential partners.
As a modicus disclaimer this IMO is valid for both genders.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> In other words @Rus47 , you have a long successful marriage. You have done your own thing and it worked well.
> 
> There are obviously boxes you have checked off that younger men should be looking at.


Have no idea what they were😐, I was amazed that my wife went out with me in HS. Thought surely a football player would beat me out.

But she DID go out with me, and we were “steady” from then on, neither dated anyone else. We just “clicked”. But I would have nothing to tell anyone else. We have said for a long time that the Lord meant us to me together because we were born on opposite sides of the world. She crossed two oceans to get to where I was.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

DownButNotOut said:


> It's not about not knowing. The real question behind that question is: Does what women say they offer men in LTRs match what men actually want in LTRs?
> 
> It's only a waste of time because the answers most commonly don't line up.


You are on to something here, friend. I think a lot of confused people of both genders have no clue what the other side is really looking for. A lot of successful ladies brag about their income and don't know why they are single. A lot of guys talk about how nice they are and can't figure out why they don't get dates.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Rus47 said:


> Have no idea what they were😐, I was amazed that my wife went out with me in HS. Thought surely a football player would beat me out.


Your self image might need a little work.😉

Your wife obviously sees you as having the right boxes checked.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kh4OffRoad said:


> Ummm. Yes! *Nothing like seeing you spouse almost die* that makes you realize how dangerous birthing is! We couldn’t be together for a very long time afterwards, and no I didn’t complain 1 time. That’s a lot of trauma to the body!!!





Diana7 said:


> Wow. Didn't realise that being at a difficult birth caused PTSD.


Why would it be surprising that if a woman almost dies in childbirth that it could lead to PTSD?

Before modern medicine, 25% of all women died from childbirth. With modern medicine that number is down quite a bit, but there are still a large number of women who experience trauma from childbirth that would have killed them 100/200 years ago.

One of my childhood friends died in childbirth. That's here in the USA. She had no problems in the pregnancy. Went to the hospital to give birth and just died. Her husband was left with a newborn to raise. Her mother, a wonderful woman, helped him out with that.

I went through the pregnancy from hell. I was bed ridden for months because when I stood up, I would vomit. I lost 25 lbs during the pregnancy... with twins. Twins can cause the body to product too much estrogen and make the woman very sick. Both of my twins were still born. I almost died and was in the hospital for weeks after that and then on bedrest at home for months. The whole horrible thing left me unable to have any more children.

Yea, I had PTSD for a long time after that. Now, many years later I do think the PTSD has subsided mostly because there is no way I can ever experience that hell again.

Good news is that we adopted the most wonderful little baby. He's 33 now and a very good man. All is well that ends well.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Rus47 said:


> Have no idea what they were…


Well for one thing you have been a faithful and good husband to remain married for that long and especially happily married.

I check off almost all the OLD boxes here but when I was younger I had no confidence with women. Now is a different story and it would be fairly easy for me I think just based on cursory interactions with women in everyday life. Subsequently a large component would be confidence.

Maybe Rus it could be your confidence to ask her beat out all the football players and such because they were afraid of getting turned down.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Enigma32 said:


> You are on to something here, friend. I think a lot of confused people of both genders have no clue what the other side is really looking for. A lot of successful ladies brag about their income and don't know why they are single. A lot of guys talk about how nice they are and can't figure out why they don't get dates.


Bingo and bullseye.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> kh4OffRoad said:
> 
> 
> > Ummm. Yes! *Nothing like seeing you spouse almost die* that makes you realize how dangerous birthing is! We couldn’t be together for a very long time afterwards, and no I didn’t complain 1 time. That’s a lot of trauma to the body!!!
> ...


I liked on this because of your outlook. I would have put a sad emoji as well as one of these.❤


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Enigma32 said:


> You are on to something here, friend. I think a lot of confused people of both genders have no clue what the other side is really looking for. A lot of successful ladies brag about their income and don't know why they are single. A lot of guys talk about how nice they are and can't figure out why they don't get dates.


There are some good people here. But there are some who are so rigid in thinking, inflexible, and full of resentment that it doesn't surprise me their spouse left or they can't hold on to a meaningful relationship.

My wife is not a member, but she often reads the content and is wide eyed a lot of times. She says a lot of the posts range from not to good advice to downright sexist and disgusting. She jokingly told me if you ever suspect me of something and ask me to take a polygraph, you will find your face imprint in a frying pan 🤣🤣 and no self respecting person even 100% innocent would agree to such nonsense.

She also says the paranoia is out of control. She thinks some here would suggest to change the locks, hire an attorney, and get a polygraph if their wife switched to Pepsi from coke 😂.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> There are some good people here. But there are some who are so rigid in thinking, inflexible, and full of resentment that it doesn't surprise me their spouse left or they can't hold on to a meaningful relationship.
> 
> My wife is not a member, but she often reads the content and is wide eyed a lot of times. She says a lot of the posts range from not to good advice to downright sexist and disgusting. She jokingly told me if you ever suspect me of something and ask me to take a polygraph, you will find your face imprint in a frying pan 🤣🤣 and no self respecting person even 100% innocent would agree to such nonsense.
> 
> She also says the paranoia is out of control. She thinks some here would suggest to change the locks, hire an attorney, and get a polygraph if their wife switched to Pepsi from coke 😂.


In defense of the paranoid, they have been right far too often.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> She thinks some here would suggest to change the locks, hire an attorney, and get a polygraph if their wife switched to Pepsi from coke 😂.


You forgot VAR and snoop her phone, but yes for sure they would.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> There are some good people here. But there are some who are so rigid in thinking, inflexible, and full of resentment that it doesn't surprise me their spouse left or they can't hold on to a meaningful relationship.
> 
> My wife is not a member, but she often reads the content and is wide eyed a lot of times. She says a lot of the posts range from not to good advice to downright sexist and disgusting. She jokingly told me if you ever suspect me of something and ask me to take a polygraph, you will find your face imprint in a frying pan 🤣🤣 and no self respecting person even 100% innocent would agree to such nonsense.
> 
> *She also says the paranoia is out of control. She thinks some here would suggest to change the locks, hire an attorney, and get a polygraph if their wife switched to Pepsi from coke 😂*.


Seems like a reasonable move. Have you even tried a Pepsi before? Anyone switching to that swill is definitely hiding something!


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> She jokingly told me if you ever suspect me of something and ask me to take a polygraph, you will find your face imprint in a frying pan 🤣🤣 and no self respecting person even 100% innocent would agree to such nonsense.


See? 🤗


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

When my wife was supposed to be home alone I frequently saw the Coca Cola truck in our driveway when I drove past the house. Now it’s changed to a Pepsi truck so I feel like something is different and she might be having an affair. Things were so good in our marriage before I started seeing the Pepsi truck.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> View attachment 86276


🤣 🤣 🤣


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> In defense of the paranoid, they have been right far too often.


It's not paranoia if it's true.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

DownButNotOut said:


> Given that 50% of marriages end in divorce, that some percentage of the rest are unhappy marriages, that 80% of divorces are initiated by the woman, and that divorce sends men to an earlier grave I'm not sure that the health benefits are really a selling point.


That statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce is dubious as it originates from a reporter decades ago who went to the courthouse in some city and counted all marriages that year and all divorces that year. In that particular year, there were twice as many marriages than divorces. Tada!!! Thus the 50% divorce rate stat story was born.

The actual divorce rate is much lower most of the actual study I’ve read put it somewhere between 25% and 50% depending on the state. Some states have much higher divorce rates than others. Also divorce rates have been falling over the last decade.

Divorce rates also differ by population demographics. The highest divorce rate is among lower income people under 25 years old. The divorce rate in this group is over 50%. Makes sense because when immature people who cannot even support themselves marry, it leads to problems and thus divorces.

On the other hand, the divorce rate for couples in which the woman is 25 yrs. old and has a college degree and the man is over 30 yrs. old is about 25%. Again, this makes sense as these couples tend to be more stable mentally, emotionally, and financially. One of my takes on this is that it makes sense. A person’s brain does not even mature until the age of 25, with men’s braining maturing a bit later than women’s.

Now the divorce rate is higher in second marriages in which one or both of the spouses has children from a former marriage/relationship. The reason for this is that the children


DownButNotOut said:


> _When women out-earn their husbands, marriages struggle. Marriages of female breadwinners are _*50%*_ more likely to end in divorce, according to a University of Chicago study._
> 
> That's hardly an incentive for a man to marry.


Actually, if we look at statistics, there is little incentive for a high earning woman to marry.

One of the reasons that many marriages struggle when the woman earns more is that it seems that some men have a problem when they earn less than their wives. The rate of husbands cheating skyrocket when the wife earns more than the man.

_“When it comes to making money, Millennial women are on the move. The wealthy ones are likely to make as much as their husbands, if not more. About 30% are the major breadwinners at home, while another 21% make as much as their husbands. But apparently no gender-gap-bridging deed goes unpunished.”_​​_ “A new study published by the American Sociological Association, suggests that men — and, to a lesser extent, women — are far more likely to cheat when they are economically-dependent on a mate, at least when the subjects are Millennials. Contrary to some popular assumptions, the most stable family relationships happen in an atmosphere of equality, not a traditional role of a male breadwinner and stay-at-home wife and mother."_​​_"The paper compared the likelihood of married people age 18 to 32 cheating on their spouses with the percentage of the household income they contributed. Of men who were completely financially dependent on their wives, 15% had an affair, compared to 5% of women. The numbers dropped as household income became even, at which point 3.4% of each cheated._​​_"At that point the behavior by gender significantly diverged. The greater the portion of household income women earned, the less likely they were to cheat, with only 1.5 percent of women who were the complete breadwinners having an extramarital affair. However, as men brought in a larger portion of the total income, the chance of their cheating increased, to 4% of those who brought home all the money.”_​_Millennial men who are outearned by wives are more likely to cheat | Fortune_​
This trend is even more pronounced in older age groups. That means that the problems with marriages where women earn more are subsiding. Society is growing into the new norms. That's a good thing.

So, yea, when men cheat at high rates, their wives are very likely to divorce them. Makes sense to me.


so_sweet said:


> I'm not doubting this information when I say I have never heard of it before -- I haven't because I've never even thought about it. That's pretty interesting and 50% is a big number! I wonder why that is? Only a man can be the breadwinner (if you want a better chance of marriage lasting)?


It’s much more nuanced that than was I address earlier in this post. Over my lifetime (I’m 73), our society has chanced profoundly. Society in the US today has almost zero resemblance to the society I grew up in. When this much change occurs in a short period of time, there will be turmoil. We have changed from a society where women stayed home, had children and their husband took care of them. Men could basically cheat at will because their wife had no choice but to stay married. It’s not like that now. Our society is going through growing pains.

I’ve seen how things have changed by watching my son and his friends. He graduated recently with a Phd in Physics. He and his friends discuss the type of woman they are looking for. In the discus I’ve heard; they want a woman who is as educated as they are and who earns about as much as them. But who earns more is not important? What’s important is that they have a woman who is intellectually and professionally on their level and a woman who wants a family.


so_sweet said:


> I want to joke and say this must literally be a MAN made-up thing to possibly keep women from wanting to 1. Have good careers, 2. Be successful and 3. Have women strive to be good little wives instead. But, I won't make that joke. In all seriousness, if this information from this study is to be taken as fact, then that's very sad in my opinion.


Overall, divorce rates have been falling over the last decade. So there’s hope.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> There are some good people here. But there are some who are so rigid in thinking, inflexible, and full of resentment that it doesn't surprise me their spouse left or they can't hold on to a meaningful relationship.
> 
> My wife is not a member, but she often reads the content and is wide eyed a lot of times. She says a lot of the posts range from not to good advice to downright sexist and disgusting. She jokingly told me if you ever suspect me of something and ask me to take a polygraph, you will find your face imprint in a frying pan 🤣🤣 and no self respecting person even 100% innocent would agree to such nonsense.
> 
> She also says the paranoia is out of control. She thinks some here would suggest to change the locks, hire an attorney, and get a polygraph if their wife switched to Pepsi from coke 😂.


This is interesting. I often talk to my son and a good male friend of mine about things posted here on TAM. Their take on TAM is that it's a crazy place. They too find many (if not most) of the posts and advice to be sexist and disgusting. Yea, and the paranoia too.

I agree with her about polygraph tests. No way would I ever taken one. They are so unreliable that they only cause trouble. And, if my spouse were to distrust me so much as to ask me to take one, I'm gone. There is no foundation to the marriage, it's broken.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Over my lifetime (I’m 73), our society has chanced profoundly. Society in the US today has almost zero resemblance to the society I grew up in.


Amen. There was an old SciFi Novel called "Stranger in a Strange Land". That is how I feel. "I don't think we are in Kansas anymore Toto"


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> This is interesting. I often talk to my son and a good male friend of mine about things posted here on TAM. Their take on TAM is that it's a crazy place. They too find many (if not most) of the posts and advice to be sexist and disgusting. Yea, and the paranoia too.
> 
> I agree with her about polygraph tests. No way would I ever taken one. They are so unreliable that they only cause trouble. And, if my spouse were to distrust me so much as to ask me to take one, I'm gone. There is no foundation to the marriage, it's broken.


Only winning move is to not play the game


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> This is interesting. I often talk to my son and a good male friend of mine about things posted here on TAM. Their take on TAM is that it's a crazy place. They too find many (if not most) of the posts and advice to be sexist and disgusting. Yea, and the paranoia too.
> 
> I agree with her about polygraph tests. No way would I ever taken one. They are so unreliable that they only cause trouble. And, if my spouse were to distrust me so much as to ask me to take one, I'm gone. There is no foundation to the marriage, it's broken.


I've found a lot of help here over the years. Given some too.

Eat the meat and spit out the bones.

I've seen seriously poor advice in real life and across social media as well.

If most advice was good, the world would be a little bit better off.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> Only winning move is to not play the game


I have my own game.😎


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> I've found a lot of help here over the years. Given some too.
> 
> Eat the meat and spit out the bones.
> 
> ...


I got excellent advice on here and never once did anyone say that I was "paraniod". Good thing too because everything was true and more.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

EleGirl said:


> This is interesting. I often talk to my son and a good male friend of mine about things posted here on TAM. Their take on TAM is that it's a crazy place. They too find many (if not most) of the posts and advice to be sexist and disgusting. Yea, and the paranoia too.
> 
> I agree with her about polygraph tests. No way would I ever taken one. They are so unreliable that they only cause trouble. And, if my spouse were to distrust me so much as to ask me to take one, I'm gone. There is no foundation to the marriage, it's broken.


But I will say this, this website is almost like humanity itself. Humans are a paranoid, selfish, and violent species that often act irrationally. But if you look closer, there are really good people and good traits mixed in all the chaos. I have had disagreements with some people who probably think I am being blunt and an azz. But while I have disagreed with them, I still think they are a good person who I hope the best for.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Only winning move is to not play the game


War games


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Did he give himself a facial?


Speaking of facials...
The first time my husband tried to give me a facial, I thought I was sooo super sexy for being on board with it and encouraged him to do it in the moment. Well, I got sprayed right in the eye!! OMG, the pressure!! Ouch!! My eye got red and sore and the fun pretty much ended asap! (Are ya supposed to close your eyes??) LOL. That was the one and only time we ever tried that!


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

so_sweet said:


> Speaking of facials...
> The first time my husband tried to give me a facial, I thought I was sooo super sexy for being on board with it and encouraged him to do it in the moment. Well, I got sprayed right in the eye!! OMG, the pressure!! Ouch!! My eye got red and sore and the fun pretty much ended asap! (Are ya supposed to close your eyes??) LOL. That was the one and only time we ever tried that!


Amateurs!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> Speaking of facials...
> The first time my husband tried to give me a facial, I thought I was sooo super sexy for being on board with it and encouraged him to do it in the moment. Well, I got sprayed right in the eye!! OMG, the pressure!! Ouch!! My eye got red and sore and the fun pretty much ended asap! (Are ya supposed to close your eyes??) LOL. That was the one and only time we ever tried that!


and now you know what pops into my mind every time I read the first half of the title of this thread.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

so_sweet said:


> Speaking of facials...
> The first time my husband tried to give me a facial, I thought I was sooo super sexy for being on board with it and encouraged him to do it in the moment. Well, I got sprayed right in the eye!! OMG, the pressure!! Ouch!! My eye got red and sore and the fun pretty much ended asap! (Are ya supposed to close your eyes??) LOL. That was the one and only time we ever tried that!


These are the types of moments you can always remember and laugh at together.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Meh facials

Rather she swallows, saves the cleanup


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

EleGirl said:


> That statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce is dubious as it originates from a reporter decades ago who went to the courthouse in some city and counted all marriages that year and all divorces that year. In that particular year, there were twice as many marriages than divorces. Tada!!! Thus the 50% divorce rate stat story was born.
> 
> The actual divorce rate is much lower most of the actual study I’ve read put it somewhere between 25% and 50% depending on the state. Some states have much higher divorce rates than others. Also divorce rates have been falling over the last decade.
> 
> ...


Thank-you for all of this great information, a very interesting read. Also, congratulations to your son on his graduation. A Phd in Physics, wow, very impressive!


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

so_sweet said:


> Speaking of facials...
> The first time my husband tried to give me a facial, I thought I was sooo super sexy for being on board with it and encouraged him to do it in the moment. Well, I got sprayed right in the eye!! OMG, the pressure!! Ouch!! My eye got red and sore and the fun pretty much ended asap! (Are ya supposed to close your eyes??) LOL. That was the one and only time we ever tried that!


Yeah, that's for people who get paid to do that sort of thing! Semen is not a body wash.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I never would have mentioned the word facial if I had known it was going to be the start of a thread jack. I'm going to report myself.


----------



## kh4OffRoad (9 mo ago)

EleGirl said:


> Why would it be surprising that if a woman almost dies in childbirth that it could lead to PTSD?
> 
> Before modern medicine, 25% of all women died from childbirth. With modern medicine that number is down quite a bit, but there are still a large number of women who experience trauma from childbirth that would have killed them 100/200 years ago.
> 
> ...


Wow! That’s also heavy stuff! Thank you for sharing that heart-wrenching story. I’m glad that you were able to adopt and have a family! I love hearing about others that were adopted too. It really reminds me of not letting the chain of love end with yourself. The best children’s book ever(IMO) was written because the author had lost I believe it was 2 children to still birth. Robert Munsch “I love you forever”.


----------



## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Apparently, men can get pregnant now. So they say.


Don't worry, it will only take once for them to change their minds.


----------



## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> At least this forum is not lacking men who are over 6' tall, make a ton of dough, professional credentials up the ass, highly educated and are hung like Long Dong Silver.


Indeed! and their wives orgasm every. single. time. 😜


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rus47 said:


> Amen. There was an old SciFi Novel called "Stranger in a Strange Land". That is how I feel. "I don't think we are in Kansas anymore Toto"


I think some psychopath nuked Kansas.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

theloveofmylife said:


> Indeed! and their wives orgasm every. single. time. 😜


Multiple times and PIV only.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> Multiple times and PIV only.


I just walk in the room. All it takes.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

All one really needs to do here is scroll to the bottom of the thread, and look at the 'Recommended Reading' threads. There is quite literally, nothing new in this thread whatsoever.

Doesn't mean it isn't worth bringing up and discussing. Just ya'know, be aware that TAM is a lot like shampoo. There is a lot of rinsing and repeating.

And a big thank you to @Blondilocks for being brave enough to pull the pin on the penis size grenade. Somebody had to do it ...

At this point I'm no longer even sure if the OP came back and further clarified her position. Suffice to say, if one is looking for bias, you will absolutely find it on TAM.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Deejo said:


> All one really needs to do here is scroll to the bottom of the thread, and look at the 'Recommended Reading' threads. There is quite literally, nothing new in this thread whatsoever.
> 
> Doesn't mean it isn't worth bringing up and discussing. Just ya'know, be aware that TAM is a lot like shampoo. There is a lot of rinsing and repeating.
> 
> ...


I think the op was quite clear and spoke for a lot of women on this forum. I also think it's worse than it used to be in that regard. I think it has reached critical mass.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Many women here have been hurt by men, I don't see as much bitterness and anger towards the men here though.
> There is a desperate need for some in TAM to forgive former spouses to be free of the poison that they have inside them.


There are a couple of the females here that espouse that men are Satan and can do nothing right.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think the op was quite clear and spoke for a lot of women on this forum. I also think it's worse than it used to be in that regard.* I think it has reached critical mass.*


I know I (for personal reasons) will think long and hard before posting on a thread started by a man in the future. It just isn't worth the bull ****.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

The "Women Haters" vs "Men Haters" battles are always 3 popcorn tub dumpster fires. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> I know I (for personal reasons) will think long and hard before posting on a thread started by a man in the future. It just isn't worth the bull ****.


To think we're giving up the wit and wisdom of Blondilocks for that is just sad.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

And I still reckon people - men/women - just have crap pickers!


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think the op was quite clear and spoke for a lot of women on this forum. I also think it's worse than it used to be in that regard. I think it has reached critical mass.


Will have to ask you to trust me ... and I recognize that you probably won't. But it most assuredly has not gotten worse. You would need to go back to around 2010 through 2012 for 'worse'. There were double the number of mods there are now, and the ranks of the 'He-Man-Women-Haters-Club' and the 'All Men are Cheating Pigs and Rapists' crowd were being perma-banned daily. I'll never forget we had a thread where a woman came on, and openly and honestly posted about being in a loving married relationship, yet on one occasion, out with friends, drinking, and ended up hooking up with a guy. She had no rational explanation as to why. She hated herself, confessed. Husband immediately moved out. That thread was thermonuclear. You want to talk about triggering for betrayed spouses? I suspect we banned at least 20 people permanently ... based upon that thread alone. 

I'm not saying we should just be ok with rampant misogyny or misandry, but .., degrees of it always have, and always will, be part of the ecosystem found in posts here.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Deejo said:


> Will have to ask you to trust me ... and I recognize that you probably won't. But it most assuredly has not gotten worse. You would need to go back to around 2010 through 2012 for 'worse'. There were double the number of mods there are now, and the ranks of the 'He-Man-Women-Haters-Club' and the 'All Men are Cheating Pigs and Rapists' crowd were being perma-banned daily. I'll never forget we had a thread where a woman came on, and openly and honestly posted about being in a loving married relationship, yet on one occasion, out with friends, drinking, and ended up hooking up with a guy. She had no rational explanation as to why. She hated herself, confessed. Husband immediately moved out. That thread was thermonuclear. You want to talk about triggering for betrayed spouses? I suspect we banned at least 20 people permanently ... based upon that thread alone.
> 
> I'm not saying we should just be ok with rampant misogyny or misandry, but .., degrees of it always have, and always will, be part of the ecosystem found in posts here.


I believe you. It's like the stock market. When it gets extreme, there will be corrections -- and here we had one.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I believe you. It's like the stock market. When it gets extreme, there will be corrections -- and here we had one.


What keeps me hanging around, is that I remain ever the cynical optimist. Amongst the replies that raise everyone's blood pressure, and light people up, often can be found those responses of measured reason, and compassion.


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Deejo said:


> Will have to ask you to trust me ... and I recognize that you probably won't. But it most assuredly has not gotten worse. You would need to go back to around 2010 through 2012 for 'worse'. There were double the number of mods there are now, and the ranks of the 'He-Man-Women-Haters-Club' and the 'All Men are Cheating Pigs and Rapists' crowd were being perma-banned daily. I'll never forget we had a thread where a woman came on, and openly and honestly posted about being in a loving married relationship, yet on one occasion, out with friends, drinking, and ended up hooking up with a guy. She had no rational explanation as to why. She hated herself, confessed. Husband immediately moved out. That thread was thermonuclear. You want to talk about triggering for betrayed spouses? I suspect we banned at least 20 people permanently ... based upon that thread alone.
> 
> I'm not saying we should just be ok with rampant misogyny or misandry, but .., degrees of it always have, and always will, be part of the ecosystem found in posts here.


I miss those days. 😏


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

minimalME said:


> I miss those days. 😏


That made me pass lemon, ginger, green tea through my nose. Not pleasant. But worth it.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Deejo said:


> What keeps me hanging around, is that I remain ever the cynical optimist. Amongst the replies that raise everyone's blood pressure, and light people up, often can be found those responses of measured reason, and compassion.


Yes, no doubt. 
But lately there's been what seems like an organized effort to shut women up by making it too much trouble for them to post. They get harassed and pecked at. So, I'm glad someone spoke up about it and gave us a good outlet to voice our concerns about that, and maybe we'll all be more proactive at recognizing and stopping that when it happens. 

We've also had lately a new person or two point out how crazy this forum looks to them at first glance about thinking all women are cheating for the least thing, rapid recommendations for divorce, etc. So it's good to have those fresh perspectives as well.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Maybe I just have a thick skin from spending too much time in the 'debating' section because I don't see any of this and just laugh at everyone.


----------



## kh4OffRoad (9 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yes, no doubt.
> But lately there's been what seems like an organized effort to shut women up by making it too much trouble for them to post. They get harassed and pecked at. So, I'm glad someone spoke up about it and gave us a good outlet to voice our concerns about that, and maybe we'll all be more proactive at recognizing and stopping that when it happens.
> 
> We've also had lately a new person or two point out how crazy this forum looks to them at first glance about thinking all women are cheating for the least thing, rapid recommendations for divorce, etc. So it's good to have those fresh perspectives as well.


Perhaps it is because I am new to TAM but I’m not seeing it that way. Yes I do hear a lot of guys complaining. However for me I am more encouraged, and way more hopeful then I was before joining. I have also learned that a lot of women feel rejected and un loved from their spouse too, because he is not interested in keeping the love meter high enough. Before joining I would have thought it was 90% men that feel that way and only 10 of women. This site has opened my eyes I bet it’s more like 60-40!!! Then again I don’t like to participate in the battle of the sexes, we are all individuals with plenty of dummies on both sides!!!!


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Maybe I just have a thick skin from spending too much time in the 'debating' section because I don't see any of this and just laugh at everyone.


Same here but with popcorn


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> Same here but with popcorn


Hahaha  🍻


----------



## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> I've read ( and not responded) to many threads stating that women are cunning creatures that lure men into marriage and then purposely quit intimacy. And there are the numerous "wedding cake jokes" and the "smiling about the last bj" jokes. Not to mention men only being used as a bank, etc comments.
> 
> Add to that the assumption that women should be down for anything everytime or they can "F right off".
> 
> ...


I told my husband when sex dwindles I haven’t gone off sex I’ve gone off the way you treat me like a free slave mummy replacement.
It’s very unattractive having ti do everything for an adult man baby who thinks I should want sex with a man who refuses to cook and clean his mess or do anything for me 

he doesn’t listen hence why he ends up single

men we don’t go off sex we go off lazy men who can’t see it’s unattractive


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There is an issue about spouses who withhold sex that is seldom brought up. It's that men are as likely to withhold sex in marriage as are women. The difference is that men openly talk about it when their wife is withholding. After all it's all her fault, right?

Women don't usually talk about it when their husband withholds sex because generally if a woman complains, they are accused of being the reason that their husband doesn't want sex with them. Women are blamed regardless of which spouse withholds sex. So, women generally keep quiet about it when their husband withholds sex.

When I first came to TAM a long time ago it was because I was in a marriage that was not going well. One of the biggest issues I had was a husband who refused sex for the last 5 years. When I tried to talk to him about it, he would not. I asked him to get his T-levels check, he blew that off. The reaction I got here on TAM was rather awful. Many of the men posting here on TAM laughed at me. I was told that I deserve it because so many other women withhold sex. I was called names, belittled, insulted... it was terrible. But I'm not a wilting flower. As I brought it up more and more women joined here who had the same problem. And over time we changed the dialogue here some. At least women whose husbands withhold sex are no longer laughed at and attacked here.

All you guys complaining about wives who don't fulfill you sexually, there's a lot of women who are married to men who are just as disinterested in sex.

Several years ago, I started a thread on this topic. The Sex Starved Wife | Talk About Marriage It's a long thread so if you are interested in this topic, read at least the first few pages as they provide resources. The rest of the thread is mostly women who have this problem talking about it.

Also, whether you are a man or a woman, if sex is an issue in your marriage, there's tons of help out there: books (some listed below) and marriage/sex therapists who can help. If your spouse is a lost cause, then so be it. But very often this can be fixed. Just don't blame and put down all people of your spouse's sex because you have a marital problem.

Here are a few good self-help books on the topic...
The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple's Guide: Weiner Davis, Michele

Amazon - The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost Desire: Weiner Davis, Michele Weiner

Why Men Stop Having Sex: Men, the Phenomenon of Sexless Relationships, and What You Can Do About It: Berkowitz, Bob, Yager-Berkowitz, Susan

Married Roommates: How to Go from a Relationship That Just Survives to a Marriage That Thrives: Wagner, Talia, Wagner, Allen

In addition, very often when a marriage goes stale it's because the couple has no idea how to build and maintain a good marriage. I've seen these two books help a LOT of couples fix their marriages. The idea is to first stop "love busting" ... doing the things taht kill your spouse's love for you. And then once the "love busting" is stopped, you both talk about your individual needs and start meeting each other's needs.

Love Busters: Protect Your Marriage by Replacing Love-Busting Patterns with Love-Building Habits - Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage: Harley, Willard F. Jr.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> It's that men are as likely to withhold sex in marriage as are women.


Have any citations for that? The ones I have seen are 20% of sexless marriages have the man withholding.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ccpowerslave said:


> Have any citations for that? The ones I have seen are 20% of sexless marriages have the man withholding.


There are links in the thread I linked.


----------



## kh4OffRoad (9 mo ago)

EleGirl said:


> There is an issue about spouses who withhold sex that is seldom brought up. It's that men are as likely to withhold sex in marriage as are women. The difference is that men openly talk about it when their wife is withholding. After all it's all her fault, right?
> 
> Women don't usually talk about it when their husband withholds sex because generally if a woman complains, they are accused of being the reason that their husband doesn't want sex with them. Women are blamed regardless of which spouse withholds sex. So, women generally keep quiet about it when their husband withholds sex.
> 
> ...


Wow! Before I joined TAM I would have whole hearted agreed that it is only women withholding sex. After being on here for a very short time I feel much more enlightened! Intimacy is really what is at stake here. And yes guys are unfortunately sometimes the ones that withhold it….I do now believe that if you withhold all intimacy from your partner, and not expect that PERSON to go anywhere else. Because that is cheating, then that situation is a no win. I think if you expect your spouse to live as a robot, you are wrong. Robots do not have feelings, people do.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> There are links in the thread I linked.


Too much to wade through. I will dig up an exact reference to my 20% figure I believe it is from Laurie Watson.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ccpowerslave said:


> Too much to wade through. I will dig up an exact reference to my 20% figure I believe it is from Laurie Watson.


I found her statement on this. She's talking about the couples she sees in her counseling practice and on her podcast. The material I mention in that thread talks about the results of a study that had input from thousands of men.

_I see this problem fairly often in my practice and on my podcast. *About 20 percent of the couples I counsel* are in situations like Jenny and her husband. And though loss of attraction may be the first explanation that comes to mind for the female partner, as it did Jenny, there are several other possible reasons why a man isn’t initiating sex:_​_6 Reasons Why a Man Might Say No to Sex | Psychology Today _​


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I was called names, belittled, insulted... it was terrible.


And also if you are a bit beta... it's like you've committed some kind of terrible crime...


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

EleGirl said:


> That statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce is dubious as it originates from a reporter decades ago who went to the courthouse in some city and counted all marriages that year and all divorces that year. In that particular year, there were twice as many marriages than divorces. Tada!!! Thus the 50% divorce rate stat story was born.
> 
> The actual divorce rate is much lower most of the actual study I’ve read put it somewhere between 25% and 50% depending on the state. Some states have much higher divorce rates than others. Also divorce rates have been falling over the last decade.
> 
> ...


We've had this same conversation several times. 50% is a convenient heuristic to use when referencing all marriages and demographics. Yes, it is possible to dive into more statistics and examine divorce rates in various ways. I could have just as easily said that in the time it takes a couple to recite their wedding vows 3 divorces in the US are finalized. Or that the median length of a first marriage that ends in divorce is ~8 years. Or that women who cohabitate with other partners prior to their first marriage are 40% more likely divorce. Or that the median age for first divorce is 30. I could have even mentioned that the divorce rate for Navy Seals approaches 90%. 

In any event, my main point when mentioning the statistic was related to health benefits of marriage for men. I think that when that is mentioned as a reason for men to marry, or in this case as something women offer men in marriage, that the health detriments of divorce on men are often overlooked. 

Not directly related to the point, but I find it interesting that here on TAM there seems to be a knee-jerk "because men are cheaters" response to many topics. Ironic in this thread since it could be considered male-bashing in a thread complaining about women-bashing. 

Fun fact: Did you know men are most likely to cheat in years 1-2 of a marriage? Women are most likely to cheat in years 6-10? And that both men and women are more likely to cheat over age 55?


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> All you guys complaining about wives who don't fulfill you sexually, there's a lot of women who are married to men who are just as disinterested in sex.





EleGirl said:


> Just don't blame and put down all people of your spouse's sex because you have a marital problem.


IMO, neither gender has a lock on treating their spouse badly, sexually being just one aspect. Treating a person poorly is likely to cause them to reciprocate. Rinse, repeat, divorce. And generalizing a perceived flaw in one person to their gender is just wrong and pointless. 

The references you mention might be a good starting syllabus for anyone contemplating marriage, *before* tying the knot.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@snowbum, you're right to be horrified by many of the men here.

And that example below is just one of many appalling posts on TAM, that show hatred towards women.



Sbrown said:


> I've said this before, next time you guys are intimate, ram in her ass, and when she complains say "don't worry this won't take long." Accidental disrespect is a mistake, we apologize for our mistakes.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Deejo said:


> Will have to ask you to trust me ... and I recognize that you probably won't. But it most assuredly has not gotten worse. You would need to go back to around 2010 through 2012 for 'worse'. There were double the number of mods there are now, and the ranks of the 'He-Man-Women-Haters-Club' and the 'All Men are Cheating Pigs and Rapists' crowd were being perma-banned daily. I'll never forget we had a thread where a woman came on, and openly and honestly posted about being in a loving married relationship, yet on one occasion, out with friends, drinking, and ended up hooking up with a guy. She had no rational explanation as to why. She hated herself, confessed. Husband immediately moved out. That thread was thermonuclear. You want to talk about triggering for betrayed spouses? I suspect we banned at least 20 people permanently ... based upon that thread alone.
> 
> I'm not saying we should just be ok with rampant misogyny or misandry, but .., degrees of it always have, and always will, be part of the ecosystem found in posts here.


Ah, the Tears thread. It was a trigger fest that had a semi happy ending. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> There is an issue about spouses who withhold sex that is seldom brought up. It's that men are as likely to withhold sex in marriage as are women. The difference is that men openly talk about it when their wife is withholding. After all it's all her fault, right?
> 
> Women don't usually talk about it when their husband withholds sex because generally if a woman complains, they are accused of being the reason that their husband doesn't want sex with them. Women are blamed regardless of which spouse withholds sex. So, women generally keep quiet about it when their husband withholds sex.
> 
> ...


I really appreciated reading about women who were experiencing sexless or sex starved marriages when I came here because, at the time, it was hard to find any information about it and it wasn't being talked about. A lot of the content that I read here involved your posts.

At the time, it was also difficult to research female infidelity because most of the available information I could find was aimed at male infidelity.

TAM has been a valuable resource for research for this barbarian.🙂


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Personal said:


> @snowbum, you're right to be horrified by many of the men here.
> 
> And that example below is just one of many appalling posts on TAM, that show hatred towards women.


Great shot. While I obviously don't condone this "advice" adding context would be helpful.

I found your "advice" to that poster, who was asking for help, only slightly more helpful.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Here is an example from a fairly recent (2019) Foreplay Radio podcast from Laurie Watson:





__





Show Transcript for Episode 208: Women Who Want It – Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy







www.foreplayrst.com





From right at the start of this episode:

_Laurie Watson: Yes, it is true. It’s about 25% of women are, are more oriented sexually than usually their male partners, but who find themselves comfortable in the body, comfortable with sexuality and who are moving toward their partner. So it is true and the joke is that that doesn’t exist. That men are always saying, “Well, can you sign me up with one of those? You know, can we find one of those?” I mean I think the fantasy for any pursuer, emotionally, sexually, whatever, is always to find their equal in pursuit._

Her older figure from previous episodes (not transcribed) is 20%. Of course she doesn’t cite anything for this and depending on where you look for example r/deadbedrooms you might say that something like 75% of sexual pursuers are women. It would be nice to clear this up with good citations of primary sources. I’m interested to know the real number. I suspect there are more male pursuers.

By primary sources I mean the published original studies.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> Here is an example from a fairly recent (2019) Foreplay Radio podcast from Laurie Watson:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I suspect the real stats on this issue are going to be hard to determine. Subjects like male victims of domestic abuse and sexual assault along with sexually frustrated women have been contentious and difficult to get data on or discuss for various reasons.

There was a beautiful young woman, who was part of our congregation when I was in ministry, that married a gentleman who was outgoing and likeable.

She was divorced within a year with the church's blessing because he wouldn't have sex with her.

I'm confident her details were not added to any statistics.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I suspect for clinicians such as Laurie Watson they’re based on folks who show up in her office.

People have studied this but with small or biased sample sizes based on my cursory investigation. For example I found a paper saying 60% of relationships the man initiated sex, 30% women, 10% equal. Then (drumroll please) sample size N=28 couples. Useless.

To get to the bottom of it, it may be necessary to talk to a researcher who is familiar with the literature and then maybe write a review paper on it to clear things up.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> I suspect for clinicians such as Laurie Watson they’re based on folks who show up in her office.
> 
> People have studied this but with small or biased sample sizes based on my cursory investigation. For example I found a paper saying 60% of relationships the man initiated sex, 30% women, 10% equal. Then (drumroll please) sample size N=28 couples. Useless.
> 
> To get to the bottom of it, it may be necessary to talk to a researcher who is familiar with the literature and then maybe write a review paper on it to clear things up.


I think it would take some time to do real research for a more accurate data foundation as well.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> I think it would take some time to do real research for a more accurate data foundation as well.


Possibly, but you figure people must have done reasonable research by now and without terrible samples like “mostly college students” like a lot of papers.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> Possibly, but you figure people must have done reasonable research by now and without terrible samples like “mostly college students” like a lot of papers.


If someone has, it isn't easy to find.

I've known of a lot of sexually frustrated women over the years and I don't believe they found their way into statistics.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> If someone has, it isn't easy to find.
> 
> I've known of a lot of sexually frustrated women over the years and I don't believe they found their way into statistics.


Someone needs to scrape r/deadbedrooms the last time I looked maybe a year ago it was majority women. It was baffling honestly…

A lot of posts started along the lines of, “I thought men were supposed to be horny all the time, what is wrong with me?” I felt really bad for them, to be honest worse than for the guys because of that societal expectation (even if it’s wrong).


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> Someone needs to scrape r/deadbedrooms the last time I looked maybe a year ago it was majority women. It was baffling honestly…
> 
> A lot of posts started along the lines of, “I thought men were supposed to be horny all the time, what is wrong with me?” I felt really bad for them, to be honest worse than for the guys because of that societal expectation (even if it’s wrong).


It’s sad because even the most conscientious woman who barely eats and works out all the time will still age. At some point we just have to accept it.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> Someone needs to scrape r/deadbedrooms the last time I looked maybe a year ago it was majority women. It was baffling honestly…
> 
> A lot of posts started along the lines of, “I thought men were supposed to be horny all the time, what is wrong with me?” I felt really bad for them, to be honest worse than for the guys because of that societal expectation (even if it’s wrong).


Remember the Ropers from Three's Company?

I think their situation, funny as it was in a comedy, has been played out for a long time.🙂


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Personal said:


> @snowbum, you're right to be horrified by many of the men here.
> 
> And that example below is just one of many appalling posts on TAM, that show hatred towards women.


Context is everything. And selective bias is what makes our wonderful little group go around. 
You neglected to mention that response is quite obviously hyperbole, and was the result of a male poster not knowing how to address that his wife openly shared with another woman, right in front of him that he comes too fast. And when he did indicate that it troubled him, she was dismissive and treated it as an, "Oops ..."


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> rsonal reasons) will think long and hard before posting on a thread started by a man in the future. It just isn't worth the bull ***





farsidejunky said:


> Ah, the Tears thread. It was a trigger fest that had a semi happy ending.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


 Did it? I don't remember it ending well.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s sad because even the most conscientious woman who barely eats and works out all the time will still age. At some point we just have to accept it.


I don’t desire my wife differently than I did when she was 23. Wanted to have sex with her all the time then and still do, only now I can’t do it at that level anymore at least not regularly. She definitely doesn’t look the same but then again neither do I.

She rarely complains about her weight or appearance and I think part of that is because I tell her and show her that she does it for me. If she wants to lose weight or something I always accommodate since I cook all our food, I diet with her if she wants to diet.

Speaking of which we are both going on a diet after that long trip, bye carbs! 👋


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

ConanHub said:


> Remember the Ropers from Three's Company?
> 
> I think their situation, funny as it was in a comedy, has been played out for a long time.🙂


And the Bundy's on Married with Children!


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wolfman1968 said:


> Did it? I don't remember it ending well.


My memory isn't what it use to be but I seem to recall beginnings of a reconciliation as the OP stopped posting. I hope they are well.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Deejo said:


> And the Bundy's on Married with Children!


I was always confused by that as a teenager. Even then I thought Peg was pretty hot. As an adult I’ve talked to other men who thought the same thing as teens.

just looked it up, she’s 3 days older than my mom. 😂😂😂


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

CallingDrLove said:


> I was always confused by that as a teenager. Even then I thought Peg was pretty hot. As an adult I’ve talked to other men who thought the same thing as teens.


Agree with that, look at Sons of Anarchy! It’s funny too… the frumpy shoe salesman actor I think is a BJJ black belt IRL, walking badass basically hahah.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Deejo said:


> And the Bundy's on Married with Children!


Well I missed that one but you're 100% there.

I guess the Ropers imprinted on me because I was pretty young watching it and my fantasies were a little off the charts with the tension between Jack and the babes.

I could never figure out why Mr. Roper wasn't taking that hot lava lamp he was married to, every episode.😉


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

ccpowerslave said:


> Agree with that, look at Sons of Anarchy! It’s funny too… the frumpy shoe salesman actor I think is a BJJ black belt IRL, walking badass basically hahah.


Look up Lars Riedel, he’s a German discus thrower who won the 1996 Olympics. He’s basically a 6-8 even more athletic version of Ed O’Neal.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CallingDrLove said:


> I was always confused by that as a teenager. Even then I thought Peg was pretty hot. As an adult I’ve talked to other men who thought the same thing as teens.
> 
> just looked it up, she’s 3 days older than my mom. 😂😂😂


She was one hot momma!😎


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Well I missed that one but you're 100% there.
> 
> I guess the Ropers imprinted on me because I was pretty young watching it and my fantasies were a little off the charts with the tension between Jack and the babes.
> 
> I could never figure out why Mr. Roper wasn't taking that hot lava lamp he was married to, every episode.😉


As a kid I just noticed the tops Jack’s two roommates had hahah.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> She was one hot momma!😎
> 
> View attachment 86289


I was between the ages of 10-20 during the shows run. Sure Kelly was hot but I really noticed Peg. That’s why I’m always astounded by women saying “men watch porn so they can watch 20 year olds with perfect bodies cavort around”. All the while completely ignoring that MILF is probably the most popular category on tube sites or at least it was at one point I read.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Wolfman1968 said:


> Did it? I don't remember it ending well.


They got back together. And still are from her brief post six months or so ago.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> My memory isn't what it use to be but I seem to recall beginnings of a reconciliation as the OP stopped posting. I hope they are well.


They‘re still together. She posted a couple of times fairly recently.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rus47 said:


> IMO, neither gender has a lock on treating their spouse badly, sexually being just one aspect. Treating a person poorly is likely to cause them to reciprocate. Rinse, repeat, divorce. And generalizing a perceived flaw in one person to their gender is just wrong and pointless.
> 
> The references you mention might be a good starting syllabus for anyone contemplating marriage, *before* tying the knot.


I agree that there is a lot of info that people don't know, and couples should discuss in depth, before they marry. Sadly, as a society we do little to teach people about how to create a healthy marriage. Then we act outraged when things go wrong.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Deejo said:


> Context is everything. And selective bias is what makes our wonderful little group go around.
> You neglected to mention that response is quite obviously hyperbole, and was the result of a male poster not knowing how to address that his wife openly shared with another woman, right in front of him that he comes too fast. And when he did indicate that it troubled him, she was dismissive and treated it as an, "Oops ..."


There's no excuse for advocating that someone anally rape anyone under any circumstances.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> There's no excuse for advocating that someone anally rape anyone under any circumstances.


The person who wrote it wasn’t even advocating for that.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

CallingDrLove said:


> The person who wrote it wasn’t even advocating for that.


His words indicate otherwise. Last week we had people reprimanded for making jokes that included violence. This guy straight up said what he said. And it wasn't funny, wasn't a joke. It's repulsive.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> I really appreciated reading about women who were experiencing sexless or sex starved marriages when I came here because, at the time, it was hard to find any information about it and it wasn't being talked about. A lot of the content that I read here involved your posts.
> 
> At the time, it was also difficult to research female infidelity because most of the available information I could find was aimed at male infidelity.
> 
> TAM has been a valuable resource for research for this barbarian.🙂


I agree. My take on female infidelity is that over time, as women have obtained more options to support themselves, female infidelity has increased. In the past women were dependent of a husband to support themselves and their children. Men could cheat and wives mostly looked the other way. A lot of the women men cheated with back then were single women. This dynamic has definitely changed. Most stats on the number of men and women who cheat still show that men cheat more than women, but the gap is closing.

When I was younger, the attitude that most adult women around me had was that men cheat and women just need to learn to deal with it. In the late 1970's I read a book on marriage and infidelity. A stat I recall from the book was that when men cheat, about 98% of their marriages reconciled. But when a woman cheated, about that same number of those marriages ended.

IMHO, there are a lot of men and women who are just not very good people. They will try to get away with whatever they can. I don't think that either sex is better than the other.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

When did this become a dead bedroom thread?


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> I agree that there is a lot of info that people know, and couples should discuss in depth, before they marry. Sadly, as a society we do little to teach people about how to create a healthy marriage. Then we act outraged when things go wrong.


I think part of it is if you get married when you’re say before 25, you’re still a kid and you know nothing. I know I didn’t, I was just copying what I thought you were supposed to do.

I also thought I was invincible and that memes and cliches didn’t apply to me because I’m amazing and special. Wrong! 

I have seen the same thing with younger men from my gym. One friend I have known for a long time was a world beater in confidence and when I met him he was around that age, now married and in his mid 30s I found myself sending him “Married Man’s Sex Life Primer” and this is a guy who is literally a stud.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

This thread is like a Jerry Springer episode!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Openminded said:


> They‘re still together. She posted a couple of times fairly recently.


This thread is the one I was thinking of with tears:


https://www.talkaboutmarriage.com/threads/i-cheated-and-my-husband-left.52532/


This 'tears' hasn't posted since 2015 unless she has a new moniker.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> This thread is the one I was thinking of with tears:
> 
> 
> https://www.talkaboutmarriage.com/threads/i-cheated-and-my-husband-left.52532/
> ...


IIRC, she lost her credentials and registered under a new username. @EleGirl may remember that better than me as it is in her wheelhouse. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> This thread is the one I was thinking of with tears:
> 
> 
> https://www.talkaboutmarriage.com/threads/i-cheated-and-my-husband-left.52532/
> ...


If I’m remembering correctly (very iffy these days) she forgot her sign in and had a new username. I believe she started a new thread at the beginning of the year about having minor issues of some sort. She was only here for a few days.


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Deejo said:


> And the Bundy's on Married with Children!


The other half of that running joke is Peg harping on Al for how bad he is in bed.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DownButNotOut said:


> The other half of that running joke is Peg harping on Al for how bad he is in bed.


Butt how 'bout that Peg though huh? 😎


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

DownByTheRiver said:


> There's no excuse for advocating that someone anally rape anyone under any circumstances.





CallingDrLove said:


> The person who wrote it wasn’t even advocating for that.


The way it was stated, it's put forward as doing something sexual to her that she did not agree to, that would hurt. We call that rape. The post is not acceptable. It's right up there with the very reason this thread was started. It's one of the worst examples of the reason this thread was started.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

EleGirl said:


> The way it was stated, it's put forward as doing something sexual to her that she did not agree to, that would hurt. We call that rape. The post is not acceptable. It's right up there with the very reason this thread was started. It's one of the worst examples of the reason this thread was started.


Maybe they were. I’m just looking at it through the eyes of someone who wouldn’t do something like that so saw it as hyperbole to make a point.


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Butt how 'bout that Peg though huh? 😎


I always preferred Marci.

Bouffant hair, smoker. Nope.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> The way it was stated, it's put forward as doing something sexual to her that she did not agree to, that would hurt. We call that rape. The post is not acceptable. It's right up there with the very reason this thread was started. It's one of the worst examples of the reason this thread was started.


That rape, especially violent anal rape, as an acceptable reaction of a husband when a wife steps out of line is being defended by men on this forum proves that the OP was correct in her assessment.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CallingDrLove said:


> Maybe they were. I’m just looking at it through the eyes of someone who wouldn’t do something like that so saw it as hyperbole to make a point.


I get that. People often make excuses for others. I think that the excuse making comes from a good place, a belief that the person did not really mean what they said. But there could be others reading the post that think it's a great idea and who act on it.

Here's the forum rules about violence.

*Forum Rules:

1. Treat others on the forum with dignity and respect.*_ Personal attacks, name calling, hate speech, racist or sexist statements or attacks, sexual harassment, explicit sexual comments, *promoting violence, will not be tolerated.* The term “Personal” here extends to other TAM posters, their spouse, family members, and others might come up in discussion in their posts._​​_*7. Be careful when offering advice. Offering advice that may be illegal and/or unethical (such as clearing all the money from joint bank accounts or suggesting that violence be used against a WS, AP, or anyone, and which could cause legal problems for another member of TAM will not be tolerated.*_​_Posting Guidelines - Forum Rules (2022) | Talk About Marriage_​


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

This place has been going off the rails lately....


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> That rape, especially violent anal rape, as an acceptable reaction of a husband when a wife steps out of line is being defended by men on this forum proves that the OP was correct in her assessment.


I’ll admit that I could be and most likely was wrong in my assessment. I was defending to the extent that I thought his comment could have been taken literally when he didn’t mean it, not defending what was actually said. If a woman had said “us women should all go Lorena Bobbitt on our husbands” I would have also thought it was hyperbole.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CallingDrLove said:


> I’ll admit that I could be and most likely was wrong in my assessment. I was defending to the extent that I thought his comment could have been taken literally when he didn’t mean it, not defending what was actually said. If a woman had said “us women should all go Lorena Bobbitt on our husbands” I would have also thought it was hyperbole.


One of the nicest women posters on this site did just that.

I was able to somehow understand it was hyperbole.😉


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> When did this become a dead bedroom thread?


Coming into this thread everyday there's a new topic each time 🍿


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CallingDrLove said:


> I’ll admit that I could be and most likely was wrong in my assessment. I was defending to the extent that I thought his comment could have been taken literally when he didn’t mean it, not defending what was actually said. If a woman had said “us women should all go Lorena Bobbitt on our husbands” I would have also thought it was hyperbole.


Yes, this was posted a short while ago. The difference I see in this is that the first post was suggesting that a man violently annal rape his wife. The woman who posted the Lorena Bobbitt response was talking about self-defense if her husband were to rape her in that manner.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> One of the nicest women posters on this site did just that.
> 
> I was able to somehow understand it was hyperbole.😉


I’m quickly picking up on which posters were obviously very hurt by someone because they take everything literally and very personally.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

EleGirl said:


> Yes, this was posted a short while ago. The difference I see in this is that the first post was suggesting that a man violently annal rape his wife. The woman who posted the Lorena Bobbitt response was talking about self-defense if her husband were to rape her in that manner.


well I was just making up the Lorena Bobbitt bit, I didn’t realize it had actually been said.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

CallingDrLove said:


> I’m quickly picking up on which posters were obviously very hurt by someone because they take everything literally and very personally.


But there are only a couple of people here whose lives are practically perfect in every way. (Not sure why they're here except to brag.) The rest of us are here because of hurt, albeit some much worse than others.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

DownByTheRiver said:


> When did this become a dead bedroom thread?


The topic of a dead bedroom, or close to dead bedroom was raised in the OP.



snowbum said:


> I've read ( and not responded) to many threads stating that women are cunning creatures that lure men into marriage and then purposely quit intimacy. And there are the numerous "wedding cake jokes" and the "smiling about the last bj" jokes. Not to mention men only being used as a bank, etc comments.


My reason for raising the issue and the fact that it's not only women who end up withholding sex is marriage is taht the OP is also about the idea that only women do this, even the idea that most women do this.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Sfort said:


> But there are only a couple of people here whose lives are practically perfect in every way. (Not sure why they're here except to brag.) The rest of us are here because of hurt, albeit some much worse than others.


We all have issues. Hell, I haven’t even posted about the question I originally Googled that allowed me to find this site. I’m just noticing a few outliers at the extremes of both genders.


----------



## kh4OffRoad (9 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> I’ll admit that I could be and most likely was wrong in my assessment. I was defending to the extent that I thought his comment could have been taken literally when he didn’t mean it, not defending what was actually said. If a woman had said “us women should all go Lorena Bobbitt on our husbands” I would have also thought it was hyperbole.


I am not sure if he deleted that dumb comment or not. (I can’t find it in the original form) I’m someone who does like some humor. I also think sometimes we can be too thin skinned. However this was really uncalled for and quite honestly not even funny. Something like, a woman would be lost trying to fix a flat or my husband gets lost in our own kitchen. That could be funny, at least it’s 1/2 way relevant and in good taste. That comment was poor taste and not funny!!!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CallingDrLove said:


> well I was just making up the Lorena Bobbitt bit, I didn’t realize it had actually been said.


Yea, on another thread.. the thread on which that post suggested rape was posted.

Right now I'm looking at both threads to decide what should be deleted because a lot of this breaks forum rules; and what can be left because this discussion might help get people to think some before they post. What a way to spend my Sunday morning.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

CallingDrLove said:


> Hell, I haven’t even posted about the question I originally Googled that allowed me to find this site.


We know.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

"Grabs more popcorn"


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Sfort said:


> We know.


Mostly because I now know exactly what the answer would be.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> The topic of a dead bedroom, or close to dead bedroom was raised in the OP.
> 
> 
> My reason for raising the issue and the fact that it's not only women who end up withholding sex is marriage is taht the OP is also about the idea that only women do this, even the idea that most women do this.


I saw that, but now it's off the leash.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CallingDrLove said:


> Mostly because I now know exactly what the answer would be.


Well if you're ever brave enough and have armored up, post away.

I've posted with more than one problem I was having over the years and gotten a lot of help here.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I just read that other thread. @so_sweet and I independently made Lorena Bobbitt comments on the same day.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> I just read that other thread. @so_sweet and I independently made Lorena Bobbitt comments on the same day.


LOL, really? I didn't see your comment -- was it in the same thread?


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

CallingDrLove said:


> I just read that other thread. @so_sweet and I independently made Lorena Bobbitt comments on the same day.


At this point in the discourse, I think that's worth celebrating.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> LOL, really? I didn't see your comment -- was it in the same thread?


This thread


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> This thread


Ah, okay, my comment was in the other thread. I'm going to look through this thread to see if I can find your comment!


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> Ah, okay, my comment was in the other thread. I'm going to look through this thread to see if I can find your comment!


#318


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I saw that, but now it's off the leash.


Yes it is.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

so_sweet said:


> LOL, really? I didn't see your comment -- was it in the same thread?


Here's his post.



CallingDrLove said:


> I’ll admit that I could be and most likely was wrong in my assessment. I was defending to the extent that I thought his comment could have been taken literally when he didn’t mean it, not defending what was actually said. If a woman had said “*us women should all go Lorena Bobbitt on our husbands*” I would have also thought it was hyperbole.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> One of the nicest women posters on this site did just that.
> 
> I was able to somehow understand it was hyperbole.😉


Hey, thanks for that!  
But you should see me when I'm hangry!! LOL.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> I’m quickly picking up on which posters were obviously very hurt by someone because they take everything literally and very personally.


It's not because I've been hurt by someone and I didn't take the comment in question literally or personally. I was disgusted by that comment.

Edited because I misunderstood what was meant by quoted portion.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> I wasn't hurt by the comment in question. I was disgusted.


Didn’t have you in mind when I posted that, not one bit. When I said hurt I didn’t mean by other posters I meant by past relationships. I probably should just shut up for today because I’m sure I’ve given the complete wrong idea about my beliefs and who I am.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Yes it is.


Not sure how it got from new poster's post to your post to all about MILFs, but it's like the horse that always goes back to the barn, isn't it?


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Public Service Announcement 

Anally raping your wife is wrong. The guy who said it probably actually meant it and I shouldn’t have given him the benefit of the doubt that it was hyperbole to prove a point.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> When I said hurt I didn’t mean by other posters I meant by past relationships. I probably should just shut up for today because I’m sure I’ve given the complete wrong idea about my beliefs and who I am.


I edited before you posted this when I realized I misunderstood.


CallingDrLove said:


> Didn’t have you in mind when I posted that, not one bit.


Well, alrighty then (said in my best imitation of Jim Carrey voice!). 


CallingDrLove said:


> I probably should just shut up for today because I’m sure I’ve given the complete wrong idea about my beliefs and who I am.


Relax, people (in general) sometmes say things that may not come across the way they intended.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

so_sweet said:


> It's not because I've been hurt by someone and I didn't take the comment in question literally or personally. I was disgusted by that comment.
> 
> Edited because I misunderstood what was meant by quoted portion.


I'll quit this particular topic after this post.

I thought the post in question unhelpful but everyone with two gray cells to rub together understood the reason for the impulse to hurt the hurter. Hurting back is a very primal response in all of us. I probably have at least an average ability to reason and I did not believe he was advocating for commiting a crime, no more than I believed you were advocating for commiting grievous bodily harm including mutilation and castration. Both seemed, to this barbarian, to illustrate hurt feelings and in no way seemed like a call to violence from either.


Anyways, off to our favorite park.🙂


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> I'll quit this particular topic after this post.
> 
> I thought the post in question unhelpful but everyone with two gray cells to rub together understood the reason for the impulse to hurt the hurter. Hurting back is a very primal response in all of us. I probably have at least an average ability to reason and I did not believe he was advocating for commiting a crime, no more than I believed you were advocating for commiting grievous bodily harm including mutilation and castration. Both seemed, to this barbarian, to illustrate hurt feelings and in no way seemed like a call to violence from either.
> 
> ...


It's ridiculous if you ask me. 🙄


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> I'll quit this particular topic after this post.
> 
> I thought the post in question unhelpful but everyone with two gray cells to rub together understood the reason for the impulse to hurt the hurter. Hurting back is a very primal response in all of us. I probably have at least an average ability to reason and I did not believe he was advocating for commiting a crime, no more than I believed you were advocating for commiting grievous bodily harm including mutilation and castration. Both seemed, to this barbarian, to illustrate hurt feelings and in no way seemed like a call to violence from either.
> 
> ...


Fair enough.  
Have fun at the park!


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Not sure how it got from new poster's post to your post to all about MILFs, but it's like the horse that always goes back to the barn, isn't it?


This might explain it:


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Blondilocks said:


> This might explain it:


I LOVE THIS!!!!! Lolol!!!


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

CallingDrLove said:


> Bear in mind that plenty of women *even view* being on their
> knees and taking a load in the face as pretty demeaning.


I can't even. This is from an article he posted by some asshole named Scott McKay. Why the poster thinks the guy may be a member here is curious.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Blondilocks said:


> I can't even. This is from an article he posted by some asshole named Scott McKay. Why the poster thinks the guy may be a member here is curious.


Mostly because he mentioned reading these boards in a blog post. No other reason other than he said it.

Oh and it’s Scot with one T, apparently there is a Scott McKay he’s been confused with who you would probably not like either.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> I LOVE THIS!!!!! Lolol!!!


A real classic.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sfort said:


> But there are only a couple of people here whose lives are practically perfect in every way. (Not sure why they're here except to brag.) The rest of us are here because of hurt, albeit some much worse than others.


Yes. And any way there's really nothing more personal than sex.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Wo


Rob_1 said:


> The funny thing is if those men actually were to perform as much sex as when they were 20, I'm afraid that most of them will shut up pretty soon when they realize that they can't any longer perform at the 20s level.


Would not know myself. I was abstinent till 22, looking for the one girl who had not already slept with several guys. 

Been married 25 yrs and wife and I are 4-5x week. If it goes to 2nd day with out me initiating, she does. We both are out of sorts when it goes more than 2 days. Then again, I am a guy that has very strong emotion attached. It is not about just busting a nut. Most women refuse to say that is possible.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Divinely Favored said:


> Wo
> 
> 
> Would not know myself. I was abstinent till 22, looking for the one girl who had not already slept with several guys.
> ...


What do most women refuse to say is possible? I don't get what you are saying.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Looks like it's ok to go massively OT in this thread... good... what about carp fishing?


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Do we think she's gone? She's not a new poster, she's been here off and on for a while. Maybe she just got sick of the thread itself? Or is off doing real life things? I hope it's not that she's gone forever. Are we talking about the OP or am I sticking my nose into something without knowing what you're talking about? Tell me so if I am. I haven't read the whole thread.


It was in reference to the *"How do I overcome the fact that he is 'small' down there?"* thread.

Not this one. The author of that thread has only been here since April


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> She was one hot momma!😎
> 
> View attachment 86289


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DownButNotOut said:


> I can't even. This is from an article he posted by some asshole named Scott McKay. Why the poster thinks the guy may be a member here is curious.


What about if the woman is comfortably sitting on a short stool? Still demeaning? Still trying to grok that.


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

The system must have a glitch. That quote isn't from DBNO - it's from @Blondilocks:



Blondilocks said:


> I can't even. This is from an article he posted by some asshole named Scott McKay. Why the poster thinks the guy may be a member here is curious.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Edit: realized it wasn't about condoning going all Lorena Bobbitt on someone in general.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Yea, on another thread.. the thread on which that post suggested rape was posted.
> 
> Right now I'm looking at both threads to decide what should be deleted because a lot of this breaks forum rules; and what can be left because this discussion might help get people to think some before they post. What a way to spend my Sunday morning.


Not sure which thread, and haven't read the comment, but if someone made a suggestion that women go Lorena on men, it should be removed. If someone made the comment, as you stated, that they would if they were being raped, I see nothing wrong with it.

Context matters.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DownButNotOut said:


> I always preferred Marci.
> 
> Bouffant hair, smoker. Nope.


I could dig Marcie. Took me a minute to recall her.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I could dig Marcie. Took me a minute to recall her.


Amanda's wife digs her, too.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

drencrom said:


> View attachment 86309


Hahahaha! Such a good actor!😆


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

drencrom said:


> Edit: realized it wasn't about condoning going all Lorena Bobbitt on someone in general.


It wasn't. As others explained, the poster recommended anally raping your wife as punishment if she said something you didn't like, and the post received a lot of male support. The Lorena Bobbitt was in response, that if a wife were violently attacked by her husband she would respond in self defense.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Hahahaha! Such a good actor!😆


That he is, naturally funny.

Maybe we need to start a NO MA'AM group here


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It wasn't. As others explained, the poster recommended anally raping your wife as punishment if she said something you didn't like, and the post received a lot of male support. The Lorena Bobbitt was in response, that if a wife were violently attacked by her husband she would respond in self defense.


Ok, I was under the impression, from Ele, that the Bobbitt response was about IF she was being anally raped. And I couldn't blame a woman for that as opposed to doing a Bobbitt while a guy is sleeping because of anything else, for example, like cheating on her.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

drencrom said:


> Ok, I was under the impression, from Ele, that the Bobbitt response was about IF she was being anally raped. And I couldn't blame a woman for that as opposed to doing a Bobbitt while a guy is sleeping because of anything else, for example, like cheating on her.


Sigh. The first unhelpful comment was hyperbole and in response to a damaging and hurtful conversation. I didn't support it and I certainly didn't give it regard because I viewed it as a hyperbolic statement to elicit painful emotions in retaliation for OP's wife hurting him. I didn't believe the poster was recommending committing a crime though it wasn't a good or helpful post.

The post in question wasn't even from this thread but thrown over here without context to try and prove a point of view.

A very nice lady responded to the hyperbolic statement with her own hyperbolic statement that, instead of calling the police and charging her hyperbolic attacker with a crime, she would herself commit a hyperbolic crime in response.

I somehow was able to understand that both of them were not actually advocating for or promoting violent criminal activity but engaging in hyperbolic discourse because hurt feelings beget hurt feelings.

The initial post should have been deleted as it wasn't helpful to the OP, who still isn't getting help for his problem, and it totally derailed his thread as it became the focus instead of the OP.

Not TAM's best moment at all and we have had a couple of black eyes lately by not being able to control ourselves enough to actually help the person who is asking.

The other recent black eye was the woman having unfulfilling sex because she believed her husband's equipment was too small.

I initially responded firmer to that one than was called for myself, until the OP responded and I became convinced she just wasn't all that knowledgeable or experienced but by that time, too much blood was in the water and the frenzy had become more important than helping the OP.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Exit only  

That is all


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Is it me or is TAM turning into a trainwreck???


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

drencrom said:


> Ok, I was under the impression, from Ele, that the Bobbitt response was about IF she was being anally raped. And I couldn't blame a woman for that as opposed to doing a Bobbitt while a guy is sleeping because of anything else, for example, like cheating on her.


That’s correct, it was as Ele described.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> Is it me or is TAM turning into a trainwreck???


We've had some full on meltdowns before.😉


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> We've had some full on meltdowns before.😉


Seems as though the men haters and women haters are on full display


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> Is it me or is TAM turning into a trainwreck???


Merely a slight course correction. It's done periodically to shake out the cobwebs and dislodge any debris between the ears.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> Seems as though the men haters and women haters are on full display


We definitely have a bunch of hurt folks hurting.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> We definitely have a bunch of hurt folks hurting.


Ridiculousness on both sides


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> Merely a slight course correction. It's done periodically to shake out the cobwebs and dislodge any debris between the ears.


Maybe it has to happen occasionally. Like a forest fire, so stuff can grow back in a healthy way.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Seems normal to me... maybe a touch more lively than usual...


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> Seems normal to me... maybe a touch more lively than usual...


Oh, for the good ol' days - a ban a minute! lol


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Oh, for the good ol' days - a ban a minute! lol


It's 10 years on this board in August for me... I have seen a few things too...


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

drencrom said:


> Ok, I was under the impression, from Ele, that the Bobbitt response was about IF she was being anally raped. And I couldn't blame a woman for that as opposed to doing a Bobbitt while a guy is sleeping because of anything else, for example, like cheating on her.


Hey, it was me who made the Lorena Bobbitt comment in the other thread. The comment I was replying to disgusted me, however my response was not my finest moment. The post is in the thread is "Fast Guy" in the Men's Clubhouse.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

so_sweet said:


> Hey, it was me who made the Lorena Bobbitt in the other thread. The comment I was replying to disgusted me, however my response was not my finest moment. The post is in the thread is "Fast Guy" in the Men's Clubhouse.


No worries. Its the start of hockey season playoffs and you are Canadian. We know you are distracted.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Sigh. The first unhelpful comment was hyperbole and in response to a damaging and hurtful conversation. I didn't support it and I certainly didn't give it regard because I viewed it as a hyperbolic statement to elicit painful emotions in retaliation for OP's wife hurting him. I didn't believe the poster was recommending committing a crime though it wasn't a good or helpful post.
> 
> The post in question wasn't even from this thread but thrown over here without context to try and prove a point of view.
> 
> ...


I found it, read it, and I understand it as well that nobody was actually advocating it. 



> The initial post should have been deleted as it wasn't helpful to the OP, who still isn't getting help for his problem, and it totally derailed his thread as it became the focus instead of the OP.


I can agree with that. But if it was removed, then the response to it should be as well.



> Not TAM's best moment at all and we have had a couple of black eyes lately by not being able to control ourselves enough to actually help the person who is asking.
> 
> The other recent black eye was the woman having unfulfilling sex because she believed her husband's equipment was too small.


Don't get me started on that one. Poor dude. Her attitude disgusted me.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

so_sweet said:


> Hey, it was me who made the Lorena Bobbitt in the other thread. The comment I was replying to disgusted me, however my response was not my finest moment. The post is in the thread is "Fast Guy" in the Men's Clubhouse.


We all have times that aren't our best moments. I read that post. I got it that you weren't being serious in your suggestion, and even had you been, the context of slicing "it" off as a result of being anally raped, sorry to say, would be understandable. But that's just my opinion.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> No worries. Its the start of hockey season playoffs and you are Canadian. We know you are distracted.


LOL, I actually didn't even realize it's hockey season, but thanks!!


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

so_sweet said:


> Hey, it was me who made the Lorena Bobbitt in the other thread. The comment I was replying to disgusted me, however my response was not my finest moment. The post is in the thread is "Fast Guy" in the Men's Clubhouse.


Well at least you didn't start it. The other poster probably didn't intend his angry post to derail the thread either but it is what it is.

I wasn't even bothered by the hyperbolic back and forth because sometimes side discussions are helpful in other areas.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

snowbum said:


> I've read ( and not responded) to many threads stating that women are cunning creatures that lure men into marriage and then purposely quit intimacy. And there are the numerous "wedding cake jokes" and the "smiling about the last bj" jokes. Not to mention men only being used as a bank, etc comments.
> 
> Add to that the assumption that women should be down for anything everytime or they can "F right off".
> 
> ...


Says the woman in a great relationship.

Not all women are like you. There are a bunch of gold diggers out there. They do anything to get hitched to a bank account then have a kid or two.

There are just to many stories out there about this to be false.

Don’t take it personally because of the ones that are like this.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

I say we make the men's and ladies clubhouse forums here exclusive to each gender so that any opposite sex bashing can go on in there.


----------



## SnakePlissken (10 mo ago)

Enigma32 said:


> I say we make the men's and ladies clubhouse forums here exclusive to each gender so that any opposite sex bashing can go on in there.


I disagree I like being bashed by the opposite sex! Preferably with belt!

Although that exclusive right belongs to Mrs. P


----------



## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

ABHale said:


> Not all women are like you. There are a bunch of gold diggers out there. They do anything to get hitched to a bank account then have a kid or two.


Sad, but true, and men who get hitched for a maid. It's sad how badly some women and men treat each other, especially under the pretext of "love."


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> What do most women refuse to say is possible? I don't get what you are saying.


That men would want sexual intimacy for any other reason than to just get off.

Society as a whole that has beat the drum then men only want the sex for the physical orgasm. Soo many women are indoctrinated to that belief that they start believing it. That all guys just want to get off. Not the case.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Divinely Favored said:


> That all guys just want to get off. Not the case.


Well I can't speak for other men, yet I certainly share sex, entirely for the pleasure of it.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Personal said:


> Well I can't speak for other men, yet I certainly share sex, entirely for the pleasure of it.


It is definitely pleasurable, but for me, it also strengthens my emotional bond to my wife. My wife's pleasure is typically at least 3x mine. I thoroughly enjoy giving her pleasure, which I do in spades. 25% of the time, I do not reach climax...but to me it is not about the climax.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> I think you'll need to be specific before the OP can respond.
> 
> This thread is actually an indicator of the mentality the OP is posting about. Some male members are uncomfortable with the topic so they threadjack and make it all about themselves and completely bury the original topic therefore dismissing the OP and illustrating her point at the same time.
> 
> It's tough to be a female poster on this forum..


So true. Or they pull out the popcorn and jeer like mean eighth graders.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> So you're saying women never lure men into marriage using plenty of sex, then withholding sex when she wants after married?
> A common enough circumstance.


I dont think she is saying that at all. 
Perhaps if one were to look at it another way. So you are saying that men don't wine and dine their woman, take care of their emotional needs and need for intimate talk etc. before marriage but after marriage lower their standards significantly and put their women "on a shelf" and take them down only when they want sexual servicing and become selfish assholes only interested in work, golf, computer games and being fed. A common enough circumstance too, right?


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ABHale said:


> Says the woman in a great relationship.
> 
> Not all women are like you. There are a bunch of gold diggers out there. They do anything to get hitched to a bank account then have a kid or two.
> 
> ...


I live in Asia and have seen alot too, esp old fat balding white men chasing after younger nubile Asian beauties who are usually from poorer backgrounds. It is a common phenomena. Please do not tell me that these men think they are so sexually attractive that women will be falling like flies, no they are using their bank accounts and 'westerness' to lure these women. So I am sorry to say, such behaviour is not exclusive to one gender. Then a few years later we hear (friends) of those who dumped their families for the lure of exotic beauties are regretting it when they have to pay for all and sundry for extended families education, houses, new businesses, etc. So tell me is this the fault of the man (for thinking with his **** and his bank account) or did the Asian beauty (gold digger) lure him the poor unsuspecting soul. Please! These men know exactly what they are doing and what they want. It is simply a case of supply and demand. The man wants arm candy and sex, she wants security and money. So in no way is such a scenario a one sided process.

Yes there are fools who fall for this, but if they had used their big head (not the little one), listened to their family and friends, they would have thought carefully why is this woman with me?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

aine said:


> I dont think she is saying that at all.
> Perhaps if one were to look at it another way. So you are saying that men don't wine and dine their woman, take care of their emotional needs and need for intimate talk etc. before marriage but after marriage lower their standards significantly and put their women "on a shelf" and take them down only when they want sexual servicing and become selfish assholes only interested in work, golf, computer games and being fed. A common enough circumstance too, right?


There's definitely no doubt this happens too. Hey, we've identified two common (I'm thinking very common) situations.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

aine said:


> I live in Asia and have seen alot too, esp old fat balding white men chasing after younger nubile Asian beauties who are usually from poorer backgrounds. It is a common phenomena. Please do not tell me that these men think they are so sexually attractive that women will be falling like flies, no they are using their bank accounts and 'westerness' to lure these women. So I am sorry to say, such behaviour is not exclusive to one gender. Then a few years later we hear (friends) of those who dumped their families for the lure of exotic beauties are regretting it when they have to pay for all and sundry for extended families education, houses, new businesses, etc. So tell me is this the fault of the man (for thinking with his **** and his bank account) or did the Asian beauty (gold digger) lure him the poor unsuspecting soul. Please! These men know exactly what they are doing and what they want. It is simply a case of supply and demand. The man wants arm candy and sex, she wants security and money. So in no way is such a scenario a one sided process.
> 
> Yes there are fools who fall for this, but if they had used their big head (not the little one), listened to their family and friends, they would have thought carefully why is this woman with me?


I don’t think this is what the thread is about.

By all means, start a thread about what pigs guys can be. I will be there agreeing with you. So what is the problem about this thread that makes you so defensive?


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

aine said:


> I dont think she is saying that at all.
> Perhaps if one were to look at it another way. So you are saying that men don't wine and dine their woman, take care of their emotional needs and need for intimate talk etc. before marriage but after marriage lower their standards significantly and put their women "on a shelf" and take them down only when they want sexual servicing and become selfish assholes only interested in work, golf, computer games and being fed. A common enough circumstance too, right?


Unfortunately it goes both ways at times. Just have to see if one is causing the resentment and inaction by other spouse.

Work was stressful, it led to HBP due to stress.
Took golf in college as I won a set of clubs, rather go to a driving range, never did that either. 
A grown azz man playing video games, "Hell to the NO!" I stopped playing Atari at 12.
Being fed?...I cook myself. Gotta get the brisket on this evening.

But again, my wife is my best friend...I really don't want to go anywhere without her. She does go to nail/hair salon without me. Daddy likes curls and French Tips.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ABHale said:


> I don’t think this is what the thread is about.
> 
> By all means, start a thread about what pigs guys can be. I will be there agreeing with you. So what is the problem about this thread that makes you so defensive?


If you look back my post was in response to a specific post not the whole thread.


----------

