# Convincing myself I am worth it



## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

I have really been struggling in therapy with the notion that the reason he left after 28 years is because I am not worth keeping. The logical side of me knows that is crazy, I loved him and my family and did everything I could to make them happy. He did nothing, wanted everything his own way, never wondered if I was good or needed anything. But, he left, lived alone for more than a year, lost the job he had for 25 years, then suddenly, met an old high school friend, got a new job and is now living with her. I don't want to live with the first person who comes along, just to make my life seem ok, but it is pretty creepy to think about him doing ok and me still struggling. My marriage meant everything to me, I never expected not to be married into my old age. I just want to be ok! I guess it might take a long time since I trusted my heart to him for almost 30 years.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

You are worth love, compassion, fidelity, adoration, everything.

It may not seem like so at the moment, but you are someone's dream. It is rough ending a long marriage, it is even rougher when the person who you loved seems to have moved on.

Be happy for them. Send blessings their way, and many blessings will come to you.

I was given the advice to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and say "good morning beautiful"

I haven't done it often, but it helps.
Surround yourself with people who love and accept you regardless of all your flaws.


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

Thank you so much, NE. That is totally true, we are all worth love, compassion, fidelity, adoration and everything. Its hard to remember sometime, but that is what I signed up for when I said "I do". And that is what I gave


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

You are worth it and more, take the time to heal but please don't waste your life away. As hard as this must be, you will get to the other side.

A great book if you are interested is Spiritual Divorce, cannot remember the author. It helped me to take ownership of my part in getting married and then divorced. We all have a part to play and the book helped me to see that and forgive both me and him.

Be kind to yourself


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

stillhoping said:


> I loved him and my family and did everything I could to make them happy. He did nothing, wanted everything his own way, never wondered if I was good or needed anything.


You deserve so much more than what you settled for during the past 28 years. Something I've learned - we can't "make" others happy and in fact, trying to do so can become soul sucking cycle of control. Or rather, the illusion of control. No storm in nature lasts forever. Healing and rediscovering who you truly are and the kind of life you want (and can!) live is the best form of closure. 

Something that's been helpful for me is the 21 day meditation series by Deepak Chopra. Really calms down my mind and keeps me positive in those stressful moments. 

Remember - You are a beautiful precious creation of God/the universe and you are entitled to happiness. Peace and positive energy your way.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Sorry you are struggling with this.

From a different perspective, the d-bag did not give you a reason to question your viability as a partner. Like my WAW, I was given an opportunity to understand that there were areas I could become a better person, accept or deny they were accurate and for the ones that had value, TO ME, I worked to change them, FOR ME!

We all start from some level of value and people like us that are forced to reflect and evaluate and grow end up being exponentially better partners.

Here's my experience, I went from a H that was so insensitive that my W left to being referred to as "the best boyfriend ever".

Like everything else in this whole stupid mess that each of us is forced to face, WE DECIDE WHAT OUR VALUE IS, NOT THOSE THAT WALK AWAY!

Tell the person in the mirror what an amazing person they are,
Stretch


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

Stretch, that is so great. What a gift to be here and have people share insights like yours. I am growing and changing. And there is someone who will say the same about me someday..what a great wife


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

stillhoping, when I started reading your thread I honestly had to check the name because I thought it might be me! I, too, just ended a 28 year marriage. There were tons of lies and infidelities on his part and he remains unremorseful, finding it easier on himself to blame me. At first, you think to yourself, why wasn't I enough for him, Why aren't the kids important to him, is there something wrong with us. NO! This isn't about you, this is about something missing in them.
I can honestly say there was nothing more I could do to try to save the relationship. But, I am still the one who was left to pick up the pieces of a ruined marriage. He's off with a gf. He has no honor and has lost the respect of his children and family.
So do not ask yourself if you are worth it. You are morning the loss of a long-term marriage. You are a fabulous person.
As the good people of TAM have told me, we are worth more than crumbs.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

You ARE worth it, and you should never think that, I know its easier said than done, but you deserve a lot better than you got, a whole lot better. You just have to start to believe it.


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