# feels like a limbo of sorts



## 1dayatatime (Feb 19, 2012)

well i have been reading alot lately on the boards and not really posting. figured i'd post a bit about where i'm at now. it's been just over a year of sep. have to be sep. a year before you can file for divorce. going through the motions of divorce as well. was dating for a bit but have since decided that i'm not ready. i'm feeling a bit like i'm in limbo. i want to move on, i left the marriage. i thought i had dealt with the issues i had with ex h and that was why i started dating. Since the divorce proceedings have begun and the year of sep. came and went i have been feeling these nagging thoughts in my head. i feel stuck. i'm not sure if after you finally get the divorce does that feeling of feeling stuck or in limbo go away. there is emotions that have come up that i haven't dealt with. anger for the cheating and lies, resentment for being the one to try to work on the marriage and for having 100% resp. of everything, sadness for being in this position, etc. 
I am doing more thinking lately cause of course i put dating on hold to work on myself and take time out. not sure I like myself much these days, been awhile since i took time out for me. always been the nice girl, putting kids and family first before myself to a fault. now that it's time for me to do something for myself i'm not sure where to begin. i started going to a church support group and it's been fine but i noticed in future weeks some of the topic information i don't quite agree with. i don't ever want to get married again and from the looks of it i should be married to settle down with someone again. i'm far from relgious but feeling a bit lost even in that. just trying to figure out where i fit in. sorry for the rant. guess i just needed to get it off my chest and talk to someone.


----------



## GoodLove (Feb 19, 2012)

I'm a longtime single person who ended up on this board because I got caught up in a doomed relationship with a separated man, and it looks like I'll be dating again very soon too. I think you did exactly the right thing by taking some time to yourself, and are now moving towards a divorce instead of hanging in limbo for years and years. Now I think you should get yourself a hot new wardrobe and have fun dating. Go to singles events, set up an online dating account, and don't go in with high expectations. Expect a lot of horrible dates that you can laugh about later with your friends. I once had a guy lick my face on the first date, which was disturbing on every level, but made a pretty excellent bad date story. I truly believe that the best way to mend a broken heart is with new love (and feeling good about yourself!). Now that you've taken the time to get your head together, perhaps now is the time to dip your toe back in the dating pool to collect some bad date stories of your own. Hey, who knows, it might lead you to a really great guy. Just make sure you're done with the ex, or it will lead to all sorts of stress, drama and heartache for everyone involved.


----------



## 1dayatatime (Feb 19, 2012)

oh i know i am done with the ex but i feel like i need to be fully divorced and that before i start dating. i just was dating this guy for a few months from about nov-feb but stopped it cause it didn't feel right. i think i need to spend time alone. it really does suck though but until i feel the strings are cut from the ex then i can finally move on. there is no chance of reconciliation it's his dependency on me even though we are no longer together. me being the nice person try to help still even though i know it's enabling him. it's a destructive pattern that developed over the course of our relationship/marriage. 
thanks for sharing your funny dating story. made me smile.


----------



## GoodLove (Feb 19, 2012)

I think it's great that you know exactly what you need to do for yourself, even if it's hard. And yeah, finalizing the divorce sounds like the sanest, wisest thing to to here. Limbo is the absolute worst, because it holds you back from finding happiness again.


----------

