# How To Survive



## goodbyegirl (Sep 2, 2009)

Hello, everyone. I'm new here and I need some advice or maybe just people to talk to that might understand. I have been married for almost 2 years and it has been the most trying relationship I've ever had. After a year of marriage we fought a lot (jealousy mostly). So, one day my husband comes home and tells me that he just can't do it and says that one of us needs to leave. (By the way, I have a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship). I decided to take my daughter and go back to my mothers house which was 1100 miles away. A few months passed and we decided to give it another go, but I didn't want to drag my daughter across the country so soon without knowing how things were going to play out. So, I went back to my husband and we started working things out. We worked through the jealousy issues and we stopped fighting almost completely (besides the little tiffs everyone goes through). Six months pass and we decide TOGETHER that we are stable enough for my daughter to come back. We put her back in school and we start on the routine of work and school. She has been in school for a week and I get home from work one night and he tells me "I just can't do this. It's the same thing every day. It's too much responsibility for me. I can't do it." I was thunderstruck. Where did this come from? We weren't fighting. There were no signs that I had seen (and I was paying attention closely because of what happened last time). He tells me this past Monday and he's leaving this weekend to move a few states away. I don't know how to deal with this betrayal (that's what it feels like). I know I have to be strong for my daughter and for myself, but my stomach hurts, I can't eat anything substantial. Working is almost impossible, although I manage to get up and go every day, but every minute I'm not working...I'm crying. I don't want to try to keep him with me or try to work things out because if he's done it twice, then he'll probably do it forever. I just need advice on how to get through the worst parts.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

It sounds as if you 2 are not compatible as a couple. After the first time he said it wasn't working, you should have left...
but
if you intend to work it out with him, be ready to walk on eggshells as he will "I CANT DO THIS" lots and turn your world upseide down, which is why I think you should be working on your exit plan
and not the marriage.
He does not sound like he is workable from what he is into a husband who loves and cherishes you but rather one sided and selfish.
In normal marriages where people are compatible, they do not say
I CANT DO THIS... 

I think if you stay with him you will walk on eggshells, always have to do things his way and be very controlled. Its not fair to you...
to end up having to sacrifice so much and have him say I CANT DO THIS whenever he doesnt get his way or out of his comfort zone.
I feel you could work on it...
but do you really want to considering how he is?

I wouldn't.
Do you really want a marriage where you have to learn to survive ?


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## goodbyegirl (Sep 2, 2009)

preso said:


> It sounds as if you 2 are not compatible as a couple. After the first time he said it wasn't working, you should have left...
> but
> if you intend to work it out with him, be ready to walk on eggshells as he will "I CANT DO THIS" lots and turn your world upseide down, which is why I think you should be working on your exit plan
> and not the marriage.
> ...


You're right. I absolutely don't want to "survive" in my marriage. I actually just wanted advice on how to survive the separation. In my mind, he's already gone and maybe..well almost certainly, that's for the best. 

And I did leave after he said it the first time, but I wanted it so badly that we tried again. And it didn't work. I understand that things just aren't going to work (although there will always be a part of me that wants to keep hope)...I just need to hear how some others would handle the loss of someone without falling apart.


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## goodbyegirl (Sep 2, 2009)

He also tells me that he still loves me..that he always will. He says that he loves me as much as he could love anyone and if he wanted a family, he would only want to have one with me...but, that isn't what he wants. Wish I would've known this sooner.:scratchhead:


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