# Moved away from wife and kids



## luka (Dec 12, 2009)

I met my wife in my travel where we worked together and dated for 2 years. We ended up settling near her parents in the US where we got married and had 2 kids over the course of 10 years. The first 2 year of marriage were good and was excited about the newness of being married and in a new place. But once the newness wore off I began thinking I had made a huge mistake of decided to live in the US. I distracted myself and played the part for the next 5 years going to school getting a good job, getting into debt and having 2 awesome kids. I started sharing my thoughts with my wife about moving back to where I was from to better enjoy life and raise our kids. She was very reluctant it seemed but dangled the idea now and again. 

Over the years the fog cleared and I recall my wife lived her life around her parents and I began feeling resentful because in my eye I have give up my life of happiness to be with her. I would buy her nice things and whatever she wanted she got. The flipside of the coin was that I got little in return. I felt trapped and that she would never go out of her way for me. Even sex was sparse and on her terms. Again feeling alone, resentful and depressed this bothered me and absorbed my life. My sadness was apparent and I began to keep to myself and stop caring. My wife would always be angry at me and yelling at the kids because no one would want to listen to her. She was resentful that she had to work full time and take care of the kids which devalued my worth. Her parents would guilt her and control her to the point that she felt that she was not good enough of ever excepted as a daughter. She suggested counseling and I agreed and we went and things got better until she walked out when we got to her issues.

I felt isolated and had no one to talk to about my feelings except for my family back home. It got to the point where I left her twice because she was always angry at me for some reason or another and I felt like. I felt like an emotional wreck because I was not in any state to deal with her issues let alone mine. It was like I was walking on egg shells and there was nothing I could do to make it better. All I ever wanted was to be number one in her life, provide for my family and feel appreciated. I knew that I would always be second to her parents.

I stopped caring to the point that I lost my job which put me over the edge where I finally had enough and made a bold move to leave US and come back home to regain my live. I have left my wife and kids behind and have found a job right away and have gotten my life back on track. I told my wife that I will wait for her to come up and she can quit her job and just take care of me and the kids. I know deep down that if it were between me and her family she would choose her family and that saddens me. My gut says that I have made the right move because at least if I ever see my kids again they will experience Dad being happy full of life versus depresses and emotionally drained. I guess what I want to know is…Is it right to leave my wife and Kids for my own happiness and sanity or am I a dead beat for not sticking it out even though I would be unhappy? Is there anyone else going through the same dilemma?

Luka


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

The one thing I must comment on is when you wrote "at least if I ever see my kids again they will experience Dad being happy full of life versus depresses and emotionally drained."
My Husband said something very similiar. At least the kids will see him happy and enjoying life. If you all could just get over yourself and realize that it doesn't matter to the kids. They just want their dad! The kids will not understand this and will think that Daddy is selfish and he put himself first and that he doesn't care about them. In my case that is the way I feel. My H put himself first and you can't do that when you have children and a wife. Yes sometimes having kids means you have to make sacrifaces. You can have your family and be happy at the same time. Your own happiness lies within. While you might be happy at the moment, I am pretty sure that your children are not. Kids need their parents. yes both of their parents. Remember that these precious souls were the most important gift that you will ever receive out of life.


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## Barrett01 (Nov 24, 2009)

Well, I suppose it's a good thing that u are now happy. Too bad your kids won't be, now that you've deserted them. Have a good life.


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Yes I have to chime in on this one too. My H did a similar thing except added an affair. He said I never put him first in the marriage and then he preceeded to put himself first among the five of us because he wasnt happy. I say well aint that a shame. Happiness does come from inside and your not gonna make yourself any happier long term if you change everyone elses life just so you can be happy. I mean think about it everyone in your life, there life has changed forever. Just so you can find happiness?????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Your a deadbeat for leaving your kids like that. Its one thing if you and your wife wanted to divorce and you moved out say across town but to leave the country? Sorry, once you have kids their happiness comes before yours. But hey, thanks for showing me that my ex isn't the only selfish man out there when it comes to his kids.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

Im sorry to say I must agree about the children...

their dad sees them for the most part on a daily basis...if they dont see them, they talk to him.

I agree 100% with believe...they just want their dad

my h has a slew of medical problems right now. kids dont understand that...all they see is that he isnt home much at all.

no they wouldnt understand the separation either. we as parents try to shield them from the bad...

my h is a car ride away, if i recall correctly you have left the country? i would really try to find my happiness from another source, your children need you!


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

a mans perspective.....are you crazy? get back to those kids now. they should be the reason why you are happy in life. you need to get over the self absorbed issue about your happiness. 

my wife said many of the things you have said about happiness and family. to top it off she is a narcissist and decided that adultery is what would make her happy.

well i didnt leave the country but i can tell you i would never leave my kids no matter how unhappy or broken i am about the situation.


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

Luka, I had many of the same issues with my wife that you had with yours...to the point our relationship crashed and we're now going through a divorce. However, I'm very active in my kids lives and live close by, in case they ever need me. I would do anything for them and I talk to them daily, whether i see them or not. Your kids need you!

Just because you and your wife are separated and/or getting a divorce, doesn't mean your kids don't need/want you. They love you also and even though they may live with mom most of the time, it would be in yours and their best interest to live fairly close to them and remain active in their lives.


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## Sportsman (Feb 10, 2009)

Luka,
My wife left me for no good reason and my 2009 has sucked badly because of it. I would love to get as far away from her as possible so I do not have to see her without me. The reason I didnt do that is because of my three kids. They are more important then me, her or us. Leaving your kids was very very wrong. Go back and take care of your children, figure this out so they have you in their life. When you do something like this to your kids, you lose the personal support of most of us..


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Luka..I hope you come back to your thead.

The kids don't care about your happiness. 

They care if they have a dad around that cares for and loves them.

Whatever you wife chooses... let her. You shouldn't have your kids pay for your happiness.


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## scottaj74 (Dec 1, 2013)

Hi Luka,

This is an old thread, but I thought I'd see how things are going for you. 

I'm in the same boat. My wife left me and we have a 3 yr old and she's pregnant with our second. I feel similar in that she has a full-time job, wants to keep the kids and wants to keep the house.

I was a stay at home dad for 2 years looking after our little dude. She left the marriage because, ironically, she wants to be "happy".

The town we live in is small and jobs are few and far between. I left the house because she's preggo and has the 3 yr old. I kind of feeling like moving back and kicking her out saying that she can move out as she's the one that wants the changes.

I too am considering moving away to find decent work - sorry, I'm not going to be too happy working for minimum wage and paying child support. I didn't sign up to be a poor, once every other weekend dad.

She wants out because she wants to be "happy", she's made her choice. Well, now it's my turn and I want to be "happy". Yes, it totally sucks and the kids are innocent victims, but maybe she should have thought of that all before deciding her "happiness" was more important that her kids, husband and family. Not much sympathy from me.

Just curious how it all turned out.....????


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

scottaj74 said:


> Hi Luka,
> 
> This is an old thread, but I thought I'd see how things are going for you.
> 
> ...


Luka posted in 2009.. 5 years ago. He's not coming back here.

If you want some input on your situation , start your own thread. You won't get much help just tagging onto someone else's zombie thread.


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## scottaj74 (Dec 1, 2013)

I figured as much, but I thought I'd ask.....you never know who's lurking in the background. I kind of feel like you never know anything for sure.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You could PM him Scott, if he hasn't blocked TAM, he might answer.


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