# Are my Feelings Justified Concerning My Wife's Money Habits?



## rolander (Sep 25, 2015)

My wife and I have been married for 3 years. I’m 65 she is 54. When we first starting dating she was very poor working in a dentist’s office. I make a good living in the sciences. She was recently divorced and wanted to stay in the same school district that her daughter had been attending so I helped by giving her money for her apartment every month. 

One thing that she did a couple of times was complain about how unfair it was that she didn’t have more money. After a year of dating I told her what I was worth and she asked me why I didn’t spend more money. I told her that I was saving for my retirement and had been saving for many years. I never got a dime or help from anybody. I was totally self-made. She couldn’t understand this. These instances should have been red flags to me.

Being the codependent-caretaker type (I’ve been in ACOA, ACA and CODA for several years), I continued to make sure that she had what she needed. She moved into my home after dating for about a year with her 17 year old daughter. When we were married 3 years ago, she had always talked about how she hated her job and wanted to quit. She quit her job and told me she wanted to go back to school to get her AA degree and then get her bachelors in elementary education. I supported her on this and paid for this while at the same time I gave her money every month to pay her bills as well as a healthy allowance. This lasted for about a year. She decided that she didn’t want to do that. She then decided that she wanted to get into photography so I supported her on that and paid for courses and equipment toward that end. She was quite good at it as well. This interest also faded after a short time when she decided that she wanted to go to real estate school. I supported her on this and she completed the program and eventually passed the exams and received her license. She joined a realtor and we paid all the monthly fees for a couple of years but she never made any attempt to get clients or sell a home. There was always a reason why she couldn’t do this or that. She always seemed to play the victim card when it was time for her to step up and put her knowledge to use. 

During this time she became disillusioned with her friends and one-by-one alienated every one of them for one reason or another saying that she didn’t like the way that they were treating her. Earlier this year, she had been wanting to do some remodeling in the house and I supported her in this as well. We spent about 20K and she did a nice job with everything. However, there has always been this thing about money where she said she deserved more. She bugged me about getting a will together. I did this and left everything to her in my living trust. She also wanted access to ALL of my accounts. I told what was in there but my main money is in some investments and was money that I made prior to knowing her. We have a joint account that I put my paycheck into that she has access to along with a credit card that she can charge items to. I haven't really restricted her on spending. I just wanted an accounting to make sure things were not getting out of hand. 

During this time she had her own account and credit card that she kept from before we met. During the time I’ve known her, I have bailed her out of credit card debt three times. Each time it was about 3-4K. The last time that happened I told her I wanted to be able to check on her accounts in order to make sure that she was not getting into debt again. She agreed since she could see into all of my accounts because I let her take care of paying the bills and such. However, now she refuses to let me see her accounts for some unknown reason. I suspect it is because she is running up more debt.

What set me off on all of this, finally, was when I did my taxes this year and found that I was getting back a good sum of money. I told her about that and suggested that we use the returns to put the money back into the accounts to help continue to save for retirement since I’m getting close to that time. She blew me away by stating that she thought it was fair if I just gave her half of the returns so that she could spend that money on anything that she wanted. I had no choice but to agreed and gave her a check for half of the returns. Although I said nothing about it, I was very angry that she did not want to contribute any of that money back into the accounts, especially in lieu of the fact that we had paid out a lot of money for the remodeling that she wanted to do. She continues to berate me for not giving her more money to spend even though she has filled up the entire house in every nook and cranny with her stuff. She has three of everything but is still not happy with that. Recently, I have suggested that if she wanted to have even more money to spend, she might want to consider getting a job since based on the outlays every month for her, we aren’t saving much and have really fallen off the track for what I wanted to amass for our retirement. She told me that working was too stressful for her. She can’t seem to grasp the idea of saving more for retirement. he only thing she says to justify her feelings about it is that "God will provide".

I don’t spend any money because I can’t afford to with the outlays I have been giving to her. This is getting really old fast for me and I am reaching a breaking point. Top that off with the fact that now she doesn’t like where we live and wants to move to another state even though I told her how much I loved living where we are and she agreed to this before we were married. 

Whenever I try to talk to her about this and other issues, she either talks over me, gets angry or rages. One relatively new thing that she does is when I do get angry because she will not listen to what I have to say, she tells me that I am "falling off the wagon", i.e. I'm starting to speak my truth and stand up for myself. She then demands that we see this marriage counselor that always takes her side no matter what the issue. I end up spending an hour in her office getting beaten up and leave feeling like I used to after my own parents beat me, physically ill, and I give in just to keep the peace which I know is literally killing me. I know that I have abandonment issue problems ("fawning" due to my codependency) and am working on them in my own recovery, but this is starting to take over my life.

Am I justified in feeling this way? My friends think she is using me for money and doesn't really care about me. I'm starting to believe this.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

So, has she figured out yet what she wants to be when she grows up? 

Have you realized that being a white Knight isn't all its cracked up to be? By coming to her rescue constantly, she stays dependent and emotionally stunted. It sounds like she's been carried and spoiled her whole life. 

You should buy the book, _When I Say No, I Feel Guilty._


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

This woman is insanely entitled. Why do you have such a hard time simply saying no. I can't help but put some of the blame on you for allowing this and enabling her. It's not like she's stealing the money, you're giving it to her!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Listen to your friends She is greedy and lazy. I suspect that she married you because you would keep in a good lifestyle. She also sounds very selfish. 
You need to begin to stand up for yourself in this. Why should you move? Its your home and you like it there and have spent all that money. Stop letting her have her way all the time. She wont like it but I cant see what else you can do. 

I am afraid you have married a high maintenance wasteful lady. I don't think she will ever be happy or content.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

ditch her sooner rather than later.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

rolander said:


> This is getting really old fast for me and I am reaching a breaking point.... Am I justified in feeling this way?


Rolander, as *we discussed* nearly two years ago in your other thread, you are describing the classic warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) -- and, to a lesser extent, for Narcissistic PD. If your W is a BPDer -- as you believed then -- she is emotionally unstable and likely has the emotional development of a four year old. It therefore is not surprising that, now almost two years later, you are still in a parent/child relationship -- not a husband/wife relationship. You are still fighting over her monthly allowance.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You should listen to your friends. 

Or just withdraw all your money put it in a bag and give it to her. That should make her happy for a second


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Children are never happy, they always seek the next great thrill that will make them happy. The only time they are actually "happy" is when they experience the anticipation of that next great thing and the satisfaction, joy and contentment that it will bring, however, once attained their "happiness" fades and then they focus on the next great thing. This is because the "next great thing" is an illusive fabrication of their mind wherein the characteristics of the thing and its effects on their "happiness" are grossly exaggerated. I regret telling you this but change is not only unlikely but nearly, if not altogether, impossible.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

Wow is all I can say. Stop bailing her out and let her figure out how to pay off her credit card with her allowance. If you keep paying them off you are just giving her 3-4000 to buy whatever she wants and it's worked for her so far. She's giving women a bad name. I'm sorry. You sound like a great guy. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Based on what you told in your post, it does seem like you bend over backwards to help her and it is not appreciated.

Being a White Knight does have its limits and it sounds like you have reached your.

Here is a question to think about. If you suddenly lost all your investments and had to live pay to pay with a tiny bit for savings...what would your wife do?

Good luck.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@rolander

Please edit your post and put some blank lines between paragraphs. It's very hard to read a wall of text.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with your friends.

Do you have children?

Go see a lawyer and undo the trust and will.

File for divorce.

She is using you for an easy life and money. If she cared about you, she would work with you on financial issues.

Sorry man.


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## Edward333 (Feb 13, 2017)

After reading your wall of text, I came to the conclusion that you should...

FILE FOR DIVORCE NOW

I was in a marriage similar to this and it took me 12 years to "wake up". 

For the first time in years, I'm not depressed about my future.

It's time for you to "wake up" (your friends are right) and get your life back.


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## rolander (Sep 25, 2015)

Everything that you said was true. I do understand why I do it and I have been working on change for several years. My codependency and abandonment issues have always seemed to win out. It's amazing how your childhood issues really control your adult life if they are not resolved. I'm trying to change that. Thanks for the advise about the book. I will look at getting a copy.


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## rolander (Sep 25, 2015)

Everyone's comments are highly appreciated. I need to do some serious soul-searching and make a decision about this situation.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

1. Remove her from your accounts, trust, inheritance, etc. 

She needs to know you are serious and won't be a doormat anymore. Tell her you cannot live like this anymore and things need to change for the marriage to continue. Her financial abuse is grounds for a divorce, no question.

2. Give her a very small allowance. $500 a month sounds about right. 

3. She's your wife. You need to have full access to ALL of her accounts. 

4. Run a credit report on her. See what balances she is currently has. I bet you find a few surprises here. 


I have to ask... is the ****ing you're getting worth the ****ing you're receiving? What's in this marriage for you? Hot steamy sex 5x a week? BJ's on demand? Seriously, what are you getting out of this woman? 

Are you also supporting her daughter? Does the daughter go to college, work, etc?


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

You say you didn't have a 'choice'. We always have choices. NO is an easy word to say.

My first thoughts were BPD. You won't win through reason and compromise. You have to build your boundaries firm and strong or she will bleed your dry.

Sorry you are going through this. There is such a thing as financial abuse.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

rolander said:


> Everyone's comments are highly appreciated. I need to do some serious soul-searching and make a decision about this situation.


Unfortunately, it seems clear that she doesn't love you. With that knowledge, you should go into protection mode and get out of this situation as soon as possible. I don't want to see your story in a future episode on Investigative Discovery.


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## Sunny3 (Apr 25, 2017)

Wow, man that's gotta stop. You've been there for her and you have every right to be upset. If you are going to stay then put your foot down. If you are going to go then more power to you!

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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

I think she needs a job to occupy her time! I wonder if she is saving money in her own account? I wouldn't move at all. And why not go see a MC of your choice.. The will-- WOW... I would talk with a lawyer on that.. change it now. You defiantly need make some changes...


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

rolander said:


> Everyone's comments are highly appreciated. I need to do some serious soul-searching and make a decision about this situation.


So in other words, you're *still *too afraid to actually DO anything about your situation and have gotten NO FARTHER than you were 2 years ago.

Got it.

You continue to throw money at this lazy, self-entitled parasite who sees you as nothing more than an ATM - and *HER* retirement plan; there must be *some *kind of payoff for throwing your money down a black hole over and over and over and over and over and over again, year after year. What that payoff IS is beyond me.

At this rate, since you're incapable of stopping the greedy madness and instead continually ENABLE it, I guess you'll finally get to retire when you die. Lucky, lucky you.


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## rolander (Sep 25, 2015)

I want to thank everyone for being brutally honest with me. I needed that. I agree that I have been enabling her throughout all of this. Both her and her daughter seem to thrive on drama. There always has to be drama or some crisis in their lives so that they can be victims. All that I ever wanted was to be respected, loved and for her to be responsible with her spending, be there for me with her support, have honest productive discussions about everything and let me interact with her and speak my truth without being cut-off all the time and told that I am wrong along with the raging, gaslighting and turning everything back on me. An excellent example of this is two nights ago, one of her cats died. I have been keeping this cat alive for about 9 months with trips to the Dr. every three days for fluids (the cat was going through slow renal failure). When I got home after the cat died, I sat down with her, held her and was supportive. I told her that had done everything we could and that the cat had a great life for many years as well as what steps I have always done to help me get through a loss such as this, but all she did was turn it back on me and became angry. She told me that I was trying to tell her what to do and feel which is not what I was doing at all! I baked down and gave her space. Once again, I became the bad guy for trying to be supportive! Uptown is right. I've been dealing with this for past two years and nothing has really changed. We did go to a 1 week intensive marriage retreat last year and there were some real changes in her for awhile but all that has faded as she engages in the same behavior with less raging but still carries plenty of anger. I wanted her to get into CODA because of her family history. She went once and told me that it didn't do anything for her. She said that she had put her past behind her even though I can see the anger in her that she has for her parents because of the abuse they gave to her. She refuses to heal that by going through it. It is always somebody else's fault. 

Her daughter moved out about 8 months ago and moved in with a guy that is 11 years older than her. She dropped out of nursing school and is waiting tables in a restaurant along with her boyfriend who does the same thing and is obviously going nowhere in his life. I've been able to detach from that situation quite well although I did make the mistake of lending her boyfriend 5K 9 months ago when his car got wrecked based on requests from my wife to do this even though it went against my better judgement. I had him sign a note for the money with a payment schedule that he never honored until two months ago at a much slower payback amount than the original agreement. I don't really trust the guy now. He only finally got a car last week. It took him 9 months to do that. My wife wants me to trust him again but I won't. Trust must be earned. I know that my wife wants me to help support them so they can have a better lifestyle by buying a house or condo and letting live in it at a reduced cost. She also wants to give her daughter money to get her to go back to school. I have not agreed to any of these requests. I believe that it is time for her daughter to reap what she sows, grow up and take care of herself although she does remain on my medical insurance for now.

What is my payoff in all of this? That is a good question. Because of my family history and the fact that I have spent most of my life being a "nice guy"/people-pleaser in order to get the acceptance and love that I never had growing up, I have continued doing this although I am now more aware of this and the fact that being the "Knight in Shining Armor" does not work. The "Price of Nice" has been detrimental to me, my life, happiness and health, yet I still seem to persist in this because of my lack of trust of my own feelings and my fear of abandonment even though I have lived alone for many years and did quite well. I still haven't gotten the acceptance or love that I want and need, to matter to someone. I know I have to do this for myself but as we all know true change can be hard. 

I get mixed messages from my own therapist that I do EMDR with. She feels that my wife and I can work through these difficulties and that we are still in the "Power Struggle" phase of our relationship. I don't really agree with that either. If I could only get my wife to sit down and have a really honest discussion about what we both want out life and what we want for our future that would go a long way to help me decide what is best for me in the long run. I can't do that with our joint marriage counselor because she always takes my wife's side for the most part. Of course , it is not about who is right or wrong, but what is best for her future and for mine. Our conversations never get that far before the gaslighting and all the other "tricks" come out that prevent any good discussion. I really don't believe that she really cares about me because if she did, we wouldn't be having these issues and I wouldn't have all of this doubt about her based on everything that has taken place.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

To be brutally honest, it's time to end this relationship. You need to stop being her sugar daddy, and cut her off your teat. She obviously doesn't care about your views on money issues, and you are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to financial security in the future. She is most definitely manipulative, toxic, and can never be satisfied with any of the perks that being married to a successful man provides. The old saying that "money can't buy love" is in full effect in your situation.

You have two obvious choices:

1) Stay in the marriage, let her continue to milk you dry..., delaying any chance at a comfortable retirement because of her insatiable desire to spend your money...

OR

2) Divorce, and take back control of your life.

I would lawyer up, get the financial details ironed out that will best benefit you, and move on.

I am most definitely PRO marriage, but a marriage only works if both spouses are willing to work on any issues that arise, and finances is one of those vital issues. I would never put money above love, but it's pretty obvious she does. Being objective from the posts you've made, it seems she if more interested in your money than YOU.

You have some tough decisions to make ahead of you. I just pray that you will make the right ones. Seeing as she is unwilling to even listen to you, much less make permanent changes in her habits, she needs to be left completely out of the decision that is best for YOU.

Is she truly worth it?

There are many women out there that would jump at the chance to be with a financially prudent man such as yourself, and they would actually appreciate what you offer. Don't sell yourself short.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Yes, the divorce.

It was somewhat OK when she was single. She got your money, you got her............

Now the cost exceeds the pleasure?

I hope she does not get half of your ass and assets.


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## rolander (Sep 25, 2015)

Thank you for your brutal honestly. "I am most definitely PRO marriage, but a marriage only works if both spouses are willing to work on any issues that arise, and finances is one of those vital issues. I would never put money above love, but it's pretty obvious she does. Being objective from the posts you've made, it seems she if more interested in your money than YOU." Amen to that! It really is time to "Shxx or get off the pot" before this literally kills me! this really is the "price for being nice".


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## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

Rolander, what can you offer her except money? Are you handsome? are you fun? do you and your wife have mutual goals? common interests?
If you want fair marriage you should marry someone of your age, your look and your income.


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## rolander (Sep 25, 2015)

I'm 6' weigh 150lb in excellent physical shape and look like someone in my early 50's. I'm probably average looking (that's in the eye of the beholder) have a great sense of humor and am fun to be around so I think offer enough although I think that most of the time she is not capable of really being happy. After she alienated all of her friends, she has not made any new ones and that is affecting her greatly. I don't know what else I could I offer her but then again, why do I need to offer her anything else? I've tried to help her get interested in something to help her find herself but most of the time that just blows up in my face. 

Now, on the order of mutual goals and common interests, that's more of a problem. I thought we had similar goals but there is probably some truth in that she is not of the "getting ready to retire" mindset like me, i.e. wanting to downsize etc. The one thing we have in common is a love for animals but I can't talk to her about just about everything because of her gaslighting issues with me. I've gotten to the point where I don't bring anything up except to "talk about the weather". She has health issues which prevent her from hiking and outdoor activities that I like to do. She has really withdrawn from me recently after I got angry at her for not be willing to listen to me without talking over me or interrupting me and telling me that I'm wrong about this and that. The most important thing to her is her continual enmeshment with her daughter. I stay out of all of that and detach from it because it is not healthy and is really none of my business.


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## rolander (Sep 25, 2015)

I wanted to give everyone an update on what happened with my marriage. Earlier in the year, my wife became more and more hostile and withdrawn from me. It eventually got to the point in July where I had to get a restraining order against her to force her to move out. I found out that she was plotting to get me removed from my own home and was trying to incite me to be abusive to her. I didn't buy into that because I am not that kind of person. Her raging was awful. She also went through all of my private stuff and even got into my safe and took everything out and went through it. I filed for divorce. She moved in with her daughter. Divorce proceeding began and she was trying to get everything out of me that she could. She didn't realize though that she was only entitled to half of what we received during our three year marriage. I could tell that she was very upset about this but I had no communication with her after I had her evicted from the home. At the beginning of October, she really finally realized this. One night I received a phone call from her daughter yelling at me, telling me that I finally got what I wanted and her Mother (my wife) was dead. She had just moved into an apartment near her daughter not more than three days earlier. I'm wondering if she had a falling out with her daughter. I guess I will never know. Anyway, my wife committed suicide which was so "not like her". I don't really understand what happened except that her behavior became more and more bizarre leading up to my evicting her with all of this hostility that I had mentioned earlier. I would really like to understand what happened but probably never will. She sent letters to everyone before her death bad mouthing me to my family and friends. Some friends still, to this day, refuse to speak with me. I never did learn what she wrote in those letters. This whole thing was surreal. About 2 weeks after her death, her daughter's boyfriend notified me that If wouldn't take the dog back, that they were going to have it put to sleep. Of course I immediately took possession of the dog which turns out was probably the best thing about the marriage. I packed up all of my wife's stuff and am in the process of moving it all to a storage room for her daughter to decide what she is going to keep and then get rid of the rest. Then I will finally be able to put this behind me. Thanks to all of you for helping me see the light about my wife. Any insights about what might have happened with my wife that would explain her bizarre behavior would be appreciated.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm sorry for what she has put you through. Clearly she had some serious mental health problems that you were able to finally see only after you married her.

I've seen this before, where a person commits suicide because it's the only way they can see to punish the person they feel has wronged them. The letters she sent to your friends and family are part of this sort of behavior pattern. She had a need to lay such a burden on you as to inflict lasting pain.

You married a woman who was a user. She saw you as someone she could push around and get what she felt she deserved. And when you did not allow that, she did what she knew would hurt you the most.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Further, take care of yourself. Do not allow her abuse to cause you pain. She owns what she did. Only she is guilty of that.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Rolander, thanks for returning to give us an update on the events occurring in the period, July through October. I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your W to suicide. Yet, if she was a BPDer as you suspected in your 2015 thread, that outcome is not a complete surprise. Of the ten personality disorders, BPD is the only one having _"Recurring thoughts of suicidal behavior or threats"_ as one of its defining traits. It also is the only PD having _"Self harming behavior" _listed as another one of its defining traits. If you're interested, you may want to take a look at "Beyond Threats: Risk Factors for Suicide in BPD." 

As I tried to explain in your 2015 thread, you cannot help a BPDer who refuses to help herself by undergoing years of intensive therapy. The main problem is that the the BPDer's two great fears -- abandonment and engulfment -- lie at opposite ends of the _very same_ spectrum. This means you are always in a lose/lose situation because, as you back away from one fear to avoid triggering it, you will start triggering the fear at the other end of that same spectrum.

Hence, as you move close to a BPDer to comfort her and assure her of your love, you will start triggering her engulfment fear, making her feel like she's being suffocated and controlled by you. Yet, as you back away to give her breathing space, you will find that you've started triggering her abandonment fear. And, sadly, there is no midpoints solution (between "too close" and "too far away") where you can safely stand to avoid triggering the two fears. I know because I foolishly spent 15 years searching for that Goldilocks position, which simply does not exist. Take care, Rolander.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Find a therapist just for yourself. Do it before this woman destroys you financially.

You will easily find a new partner. This one is toxic. 




rolander said:


> My wife and I have been married for 3 years. I’m 65 she is 54. When we first starting dating she was very poor working in a dentist’s office. I make a good living in the sciences. She was recently divorced and wanted to stay in the same school district that her daughter had been attending so I helped by giving her money for her apartment every month.
> 
> One thing that she did a couple of times was complain about how unfair it was that she didn’t have more money. After a year of dating I told her what I was worth and she asked me why I didn’t spend more money. I told her that I was saving for my retirement and had been saving for many years. I never got a dime or help from anybody. I was totally self-made. She couldn’t understand this. These instances should have been red flags to me.
> 
> ...


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Your wife was a severely broken person who became despondent once she discovered she couldn't rob you. None of this is your fault in any way. You handled this with compassion and kindness until you had to protect yourself. Be very careful who you get involved with in the future. I feel like you could have spotted her much earlier, but your "nice guy" syndrome makes it difficult for you to pick partners more objectively.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Further, take care of yourself. Do not allow her abuse to cause you pain. She owns what she did. Only she is guilty of that.


Ditto. You did what you could, and with good intentions. She was deeply damaged somehow. It is not your responsibility or fault that she was broken, nor are you responsible for her actions.

See a counselor. If you are an employee, your employer should provide free fully confidential counseling through their Employee Assistance Program. If you are self employed, use your medical benefits to go talk to someone at least a few times.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

I'm truly sorry for your loss.

I suggest you stop looking for answers regarding her behavior. I don't see anything productive in this exercise, since it's clear you did everything you could for her before asking her to leave your home.

If you cannot get past this, please get some professional help. The idea that you would still be held emotionally hostage by a woman who used your generosity and then schemed to get what you would not give her willingly, from the grave, is tragic.


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## rolander (Sep 25, 2015)

Thanks to everyone who responded to my latest update. A lot of wisdom in all of your words. I especially want to thank Uptown for his knowledge of BPD. I should have really listened to him back in 2015. It would have made a big difference in my life. Happy New Year to everyone!


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

rolander said:


> Happy New Year to everyone!


Happy New Year to you too, Rolander! Be proud of yourself for breaking free of the toxic marriage last July -- after only three years of marriage. You ran circles around my achievement. It took me 15 years -- and my exW having me thrown into jail on a bogus charge -- to accomplish what you were able to do in only 3 years. 

Because a BPDer marriage is essentially a parent/child relationship, walking away -- especially for caregivers like us -- is extremely painful and guilt-ridden because it feels like you're abandoning a sick young child. You did well. Very well, indeed.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

.


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## reboot (Oct 9, 2012)

Yikes, I am sorry to hear it end this way.

Uptown's suggestion about BPD rings very true to me.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I never like to hear someone died, even if the relationship is not perfect.


> She sent letters to everyone before her death bad mouthing me to my family and friends. Some friends still, to this day, refuse to speak with me. I never did learn what she wrote in those letters. This whole thing was surreal.


 They weren't your friends in the first place. A friend would at least hear your side, confront you on the alleged behavior or show you the letter(s). These are people you do not need in your life. As someone who went through a death and found out later there were crappy letters sent, removing these people from my life was awesome.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I'm so sorry this has happened. Hope you will have a peaceful life, now.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Op sorry to hear about the sad turn of events. 

May you be at peace now.


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