# Should I get another breast surgery for my husband?



## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He is 16 years older than me. I was a 34B when we got married and was always surprised that he didn’t want sex a little more often. We have 3 children who I breastfed. After I finished breastfeeding my 3rd my husband would hint regularly that he’d love me to get implants. I sensed a lack of interest in sex with me and would find pictures of very enhanced women on his computer. So, I got smallish implants and then was a 34D. My husband moved my implants but they took almost all my nipple sensation away. I became somewhat depressed and the surgery was very painful and the recovery long. I always had chest pain and then the implants started to make me sick and affect my immune system. I had an explant last fall and my health and energy levels have improved greatly. I am now a 34C. My husband wants me to wear a large padded push up bra and tank top when we have sex. He isn’t interested if I don’t wear the bra and has even lost his erection when I took it off in the middle of sex. I asked him to stop looking at lorn thinking maybe this would re orient his preference for large breasts but it hasn’t made a difference. He has stated clearly he can’t choose what he’s attracted to and needs large breasts to be aroused. This has greatly affected my self esteem and I am now considering a fat transfer surgery to enhance my breasts again but am worried I’ll resent him for it. I also want a great sex life and don’t want to wear a bra and tank top during sex for the rest of our married life....I just feel lost. My husband says he loves me and feels badly that he’s hurt me and we’ve even done counseling but nothing has changed.


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Jewels29 said:


> My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He is 26 years older than me. I was a 34B when we got married and was always surprised that he didn’t want sex a little more often. We have 3 children who I breastfed. After I finished breastfeeding my 3rd my husband would hint regularly that he’d love me to get implants. I sensed a lack of interest in sex with me and would find pictures of very enhanced women on his computer. So, I got smallish implants and then was a 34D. My husband moved my implants but they took almost all my nipple sensation away. I became somewhat depressed and the surgery was very painful and the recovery long. I always had chest pain and then the implants started to make me sick and affect my immune system. I had an explant last fall and my health and energy levels have improved greatly. I am now a 34C. My husband wants me to wear a large padded push up bra and tank top when we have sex. He isn’t interested if I don’t wear the bra and has even lost his erection when I took it off in the middle of sex. I asked him to stop looking at lorn thinking maybe this would re orient his preference for large breasts but it hasn’t made a difference. He has stated clearly he can’t choose what he’s attracted to and needs large breasts to be aroused. This has greatly affected my self esteem and I am now considering a fat transfer surgery to enhance my breasts again but am worried I’ll resent him for it. I also want a great sex life and don’t want to wear a bra and tank top during sex for the rest of our married life....I just feel lost. My husband says he loves me and feels badly that he’s hurt me and we’ve even done counseling but nothing has changed.


Yes at some extent there are side effects of Implantation which is why you started falling sick and were normal when you had them removed. 

Ask one question to yourself : how on earth cant your husband the way your body is. You are born naturally by breast feeding your own 3 kids. He must except this fact. I totally understand he dont het aroused due to sagging breast but he must admit the fact if he got married to a woman who’s 26 yrs older.

If you still need to undergo implants again then dont forget to consider your health issues will go for a toss.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

IndianApple said:


> I totally understand he dont het aroused due to sagging breast but he must admit the fact if he got married to a woman who’s 26 yrs older.


The husband is 16 years older, not the OP. (26 years was a typo by OP)


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

The answer is simple... No, you should not get breast surgery for your husband. You can do it for _yourself_ if that is something you want but never do it for someone else. Your husband is being an ass.


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

bobert said:


> The husband is 26 years older, not the OP.


He is 16 years older*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jewels29 said:


> He is 16 years older*


Yes, the OP apparently edited her original post to change their age difference from 26 to 16. Probably was originally a type-o.


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

bobert said:


> The husband is 16 years older, not the OP. (26 years was a typo by OP)


Sorry, my bad !


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

No you should not get implants again. It's just wrong for your husband to expect you to compromise your health for any reason.

You should not wear that padded bra if you are not comfortable with it. It's basically an attack on your physical appearance.

How does all this affect your desire to have sex with him? Is it killing your sexual desire? I'll bet it is. His sexual fetishes do not supersede yours. 

If I were you, I'd tell him that he needs to get individual counseling to figure out why he's ok with destroying your health like this.

I also think that a marriage counselor who is also a sex therapist could help the two of you. They have techniques that can help people deal with their sexual hang-ups. Your husband has a serious sexual hang-up, the need for big boobs in order to be sexually aroused.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Hi, jewels29
I just wanted to say that I read your post with sadness and cringed the entire way through. I don’t know how you can take this kind of treatment but I know with 3 kids it’s probably not easy to just leave.

You’ve already had the other surgeries for his ungrateful ass and they did nothing but make him still end up making you wear a padded bra during sex. Ugh. How do you even stomach having sex with this guy?

I almost wasted my life on a much younger guy. But I knew this kind of thing would happen eventually if I stayed in it. I’m not saying it doesn’t work out for some people, I’m sure it might if the guy isn’t an ass and loves you for YOU and not just your looks.

It’s unfortunate that you’re married to him. I don’t even see how you can look at him. He sucks.

I feel for you. I’m really sorry. If it was me, I wouldn’t waste any more time on him. I’d leave rather than to put myself through this for however many more years. But like I said, I know it’s not that easy to just leave. (((Hugs))) you’re beautiful just like you are. Please don’t let him kill every bit of self respect that you have left.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Jewels29 said:


> My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He is 16 years older than me. I was a 34B when we got married and was always surprised that he didn’t want sex a little more often. We have 3 children who I breastfed. After I finished breastfeeding my 3rd my husband would hint regularly that he’d love me to get implants. I sensed a lack of interest in sex with me and would find pictures of very enhanced women on his computer. So, I got smallish implants and then was a 34D. My husband moved my implants but they took almost all my nipple sensation away. I became somewhat depressed and the surgery was very painful and the recovery long. I always had chest pain and then the implants started to make me sick and affect my immune system. I had an explant last fall and my health and energy levels have improved greatly. I am now a 34C. My husband wants me to wear a large padded push up bra and tank top when we have sex. He isn’t interested if I don’t wear the bra and has even lost his erection when I took it off in the middle of sex. I asked him to stop looking at lorn thinking maybe this would re orient his preference for large breasts but it hasn’t made a difference. He has stated clearly he can’t choose what he’s attracted to and needs large breasts to be aroused. This has greatly affected my self esteem and I am now considering a fat transfer surgery to enhance my breasts again but am worried I’ll resent him for it. I also want a great sex life and don’t want to wear a bra and tank top during sex for the rest of our married life....I just feel lost. My husband says he loves me and feels badly that he’s hurt me and we’ve even done counseling but nothing has changed.


You should only consider it for your purposes. Any spouse who can't be satisfied with their mate without surgical alterations has a very real problem.

His problem isn't yours.

Give him a little back and say he needs to get penis surgery because his little peepee isn't doing it for you.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

If your husband really cannot get aroused or keep his erection without staring at large breasts then he has a serious problem... and it's not you. It's him. I agree with Ele, therapy is needed... not surgery. 

Everyone, male or female, has preferences. But if he's being honest and not just an ass, scratch that, he's being an asshole regardless, then this has gone beyond preferences.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

So he "needs" large breasts yet he married 34B you.

Why is this guy such a prize that you want to keep him so badly?

I left my 19 years older hb a couple of years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. Eventually you are going to have to take care of this guy....so what are you getting out of this? Is it enough to cut yourself open?

When I asked myself this same question the answer was "nothing".

FYI, in my experience men who sniff out women that much younger are either predatory or have maturity/self esteem issues. What is it with him?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*@Jewels29*

What do you want to do about this?


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Porn does a lot of damage to men, sadly. You should investigate if hubby is still using because if so his “big boob” fetish will likely get replaced by something else once this one is met and the next fetish may be impossible for you to accommodate.

This really sounds like the age old story of men who can’t perform with their wives basically because they’ve trained their bodies/minds on certain visually oriented stimuli. Fetishes like this are a natural product of porn use- I can say that from personal experience. It’s psychologically speaking similar to brainwashing where a man watches something and experiences this dopamine rush and then craves it over and over and needs a greater bang to experience the “rush” next time. In spiritual terms it seems to me to be one of the “wages of sin” of porn- just like sex trafficking and pedophilia are. I think many porn using men eventually go to crazy lengths to experience this rush which can lead them to complete selfishness to use someone only for their sexual pleasure without consideration for them as a human person. Not saying hubby is completely there, but does seem to be taking a pretty big step in that direction. Most normal men wouldn’t ask their wife to undergo a surgery just for their sexual titillations or pleasure.


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

I honestly don’t know, we love each other and have three awesome kids but I’m honestly somewhat broken hearted. I am an open and engaging sexual partner but don’t want to please him and ignore the feelings of worthlessness that come with having to cover up. I take care of myself and am fit and I actually have breasts- I’m not even flat!! just don’t know if there will be bad side effects of a fat transfer or maybe it won’t make me big enough for him..I don’t want to leave our marriage over this so am hoping the surgery would help...I just need to think about it and talk about it and reflect and hopefully figure out what is right.


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

CatholicDad said:


> Porn does a lot of damage to men, sadly. You should investigate if hubby is still using because if so his “big boob” fetish will likely get replaced by something else once this one is met and the next fetish may be impossible for you to accommodate.
> 
> This really sounds like the age old story of men who can’t perform with their wives basically because they’ve trained their bodies/minds on certain visually oriented stimuli. Fetishes like this are a natural product of porn use- I can say that from personal experience. It’s psychologically speaking similar to brainwashing where a man watches something and experiences this dopamine rush and then craves it over and over and needs a greater bang to experience the “rush” next time. In spiritual terms it seems to me to be one of the “wages of sin” of porn- just like sex trafficking and pedophilia are. I think many porn using men eventually go to crazy lengths to experience this rush which can lead them to complete selfishness to use someone only for their sexual pleasure without consideration for them as a human person. Not saying hubby is completely there, but does seem to be taking a pretty big step in that direction. Most normal men wouldn’t ask their wife to undergo a surgery just for their sexual titillations or pleasure.


Thanks for this thoughtful response...I think you’re spot on... I only pray then that with time off from consuming porn he can reorient his preferences a bit?


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

I don't think you should cover yourself up at all. He either takes you as you are or not at all. You don't need to get breast implants, unless it is something YOU want. He CHOSE to marry you with your regular size...but was this always an issue for him, even while dating/beginning of marriage?


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

I'd worship you with the 34Bs!


EleGirl said:


> No you should not get implants again. It's just wrong for your husband to expect you to compromise your health for any reason.
> 
> You should not wear that padded bra if you are not comfortable with it. It's basically an attack on your physical appearance.
> 
> ...


I couldn't agree more! Well said!!!


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Jewels29 said:


> Thanks for this thoughtful response...I think you’re spot on... I only pray then that with time off from consuming porn he can reorient his preferences a bit?


Healing from porn takes time. I had spiritual advice that led to my recovery- as I never would believe that anything was wrong. I’d investigate though because it is very easy for a man today to take his porn “underground”. He might not be able to beat the habit without help either from you, an accountability friend, or a professional. I don’t think men can just say “I’ll never use it again” and be successful. It’s a process like weight loss or quitting smoking.


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

😭😭😭 thanks for the support. I have cried so many tears over this....I love him so well and I know he loves me...a while back his response was basically that we could just have a lot less sex because he’s just not as interested and it broke me. I am just hoping and praying he can change?! Hike I’m not deluding myself...


EleGirl said:


> No you should not get implants again. It's just wrong for your husband to expect you to compromise your health for any reason.
> 
> You should not wear that padded bra if you are not comfortable with it. It's basically an attack on your physical appearance.
> 
> ...





C.C. says ... said:


> Hi, jewels29
> I just wanted to say that I read your post with sadness and cringed the entire way through. I don’t know how you can take this kind of treatment but I know with 3 kids it’s probably not easy to just leave.
> 
> You’ve already had the other surgeries for his ungrateful ass and they did nothing but make him still end up making you wear a padded bra during sex. Ugh. How do you even stomach having sex with this guy?
> ...


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

Yes he definitely wasn’t as interested in me sexually and I wondered why..then I’d get pregnant and my breasts would be bigger and his interest would increase...


GC1234 said:


> I don't think you should cover yourself up at all. He either takes you as you are or not at all. You don't need to get breast implants, unless it is something YOU want. He CHOSE to marry you with your regular size...but was this always an issue for him, even while dating/beginning of marriage?


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

Jewels29 said:


> 😭😭😭 thanks for the support. I have cried so many tears over this....I love him so well and I know he loves me...a while back his response was basically that we could just have a lot less sex because he’s just not as interested and it broke me. I am just hoping and praying he can change?! Hike I’m not deluding myself...





EleGirl said:


> *@Jewels29*
> 
> What do you want to do about this?


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Jewels29 said:


> 😭😭😭 thanks for the support. I have cried so many tears over this....I love him so well and I know he loves me...a while back his response was basically that we could just have a lot less sex because he’s just not as interested and it broke me. I am just hoping and praying he can change?! Hike I’m not deluding myself...


Your husband is a fool for not loving you for the real woman that you are. He should not be making you cry! I feel sad for you.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Why did he marry you if he wanted huge boobs? Even if you get them inflated again, how can you even want sex with him knowing about this boob fetish of his and that he doesn't want you the way you are? This is a classic example of how porn ruined a guy. I don't think you should do it. Are you really that committed to staying with him? Don't put yourself through that. I know you want sex and not sure what to tell you, but why would you want sex with him at this point? I'd be leaving. You love him why? He sounds just awful and not like he even knows what love is.

Are your breasts in bad shape now that the implants are removed, or are they back to normal? Did you have a "lift" so they are looking normal again? If so, they're perfectly good boobs. If not, then maybe a lift is what you need just for your own self.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

There does seem to be some maliciousness in your hubbies actions based on what you’ve written.


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Why did he marry you if he wanted huge boobs? Even if you get them inflated again, how can you even want sex with him knowing about this boob fetish of his and that he doesn't want you the way you are? This is a classic example of how porn ruined a guy. I don't think you should do it. Are you really that committed to staying with him? Don't put yourself through that. I know you want sex and not sure what to tell you, but why would you want sex with him at this point? I'd be leaving. You love him why? He sounds just awful and not like he even knows what love is.
> 
> Are your breasts in bad shape now that the implants are removed, or are they back to normal? Did you have a "lift" so they are looking normal again? If so, they're perfectly good boobs. If not, then maybe a lift is what you need just for your own self.


They’re in good shape as I had a lift- they’re just a smaller than they were and softer and a 34C...this whole situation baffles me... 
I love him because he is a good Dad, a kind person (in general) a hard worker and good provider for our family... I know my kids would be devastated. I’m trying to find hope that he could change with counseling...it has affected my desire for sex with him for sure.


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

CatholicDad said:


> There does seem to be some maliciousness in your hubbies actions based on what you’ve written.


I don’t think he’s malicious...just of the opinion that “men like what they like” and “men are very visual” and “this is common- the number one thing detached for on the internet is porn” so basically...he thinks it’s normal?!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Jewels29 said:


> They’re in good shape as I had a lift- they’re just a smaller than they were and softer and a 34C...this whole situation baffles me...
> I love him because he is a good Dad, a kind person (in general) a hard worker and good provider for our family... I know my kids would be devastated. I’m trying to find hope that he could change with counseling...it has affected my desire for sex with him for sure.


No man should be complaining about C boobs, just saying! He's unreasonable and he has a fetish that is potentially wrecking his marriage -- and you are not the one who needs altering.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I think his sharing this is malicious- all thoughts aren’t meant to be shared. 

It’s akin to a husband saying “I want to go dancing” to his wife in a wheelchair (not saying you are disabled in any way).


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Jewels29 said:


> They’re in good shape as I had a lift- they’re just a smaller than they were and softer and a 34C...this whole situation baffles me...
> I love him because he is a good Dad, a kind person (in general) a hard worker and good provider for our family... I know my kids would be devastated. I’m trying to find hope that he could change with counseling...it has affected my desire for sex with him for sure.


I hate to say this but 34C is nothing to sneeze at! C is a beautiful size. I really do think his big boob fetish belongs in HIS fantasy world. YOU are his wife and he should worship YOU as your are and not let his big boob fantasy intrude on your REAL marriage.


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> No man should be complaining about C boobs, just saying! He's unreasonable and he has a fetish that is potentially wrecking his marriage -- and you are not the one who needs altering.


Thanks...that’s how I feel too... appreciate the support 🙏🏼


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I don't know if you have a daughter or not, but if so, keep in mind what she will take away from whatever happens here. Same with a son, for that matter. He needs to know what's unacceptable.

I'm sure you know that boob jobs often make you have severe back aches and back problems. I'm going to say more often than not. Unless something has changed, which it might have, it is also hard to take a good mammogram. There are legitimate health issues involved here, which he is not taking serious.


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

The implants I had made me very ill. Chronic sinus infections, back and neck aches, chest pain, itchy skin...I really do feel much healthier with them out and my energy is way way better. I am now considering a fat transfer where they take fat and inject it into the breasts to make them fuller. It comes with many possible complications...I have kept this whole thing a secret from my kids and don’t want them to know... 


DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't know if you have a daughter or not, but if so, keep in mind what she will take away from whatever happens here. Same with a son, for that matter. He needs to know what's unacceptable.
> 
> I'm sure you know that boob jobs often make you have severe back aches and back problems. I'm going to say more often than not. Unless something has changed, which it might have, it is also hard to take a good mammogram. There are legitimate health issues involved here, which he is not taking serious.


S,


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Give him a little back and say he needs to get penis surgery because his little peepee isn't doing it for you.


Jewels, girl, I was thinking this exact same thing. Except, he might actually be pretty big, which won't work lol. You figure it out for yourself.

The thing is, women WAY too often wrap their self-esteem around a man's scrotum and think who they are depends on his opinion. But he doesn't determine your worth. Only you do that. You just have to have the self-esteem to realize it.

There's a command the old folks in my family used to use. It was "Get your booty off your shoulders." It was said to us young people to let us know we were getting too full of ourselves and disrespectful.

But you're a grown woman and need to get your booty on your shoulders. Get full of yourself, and stop letting that man make you feel like you're not enough because you ARE enough.

The way to do that is to unwrap yourself from around his scrotum by turning the tables on him.

Here are some ideas:
1. ConanHub's suggestion that I quoted above.

2. Men's feelings are MUCH more fragile than you can probably imagine, so find some other way to hurt his feelings with the truth. "My last boyfriend did such-n-such better than you" or something like that.

3. Don't have sex with him for a very long time. No matter how badly you want to get busy, you have to reject his advances for one or two months. You'll see how he's only manipulating you after he starts begging for sex and feeling your breasts and won't have any problem getting or staying hard when you finally give him some. His silliness won't ever happen again because he'll remember this punishment.

4. To get yourself through that long period AND to make him jealous and horny as hell, buy yourself a play toy and make sure he knows you are using it.....WITHOUT HIM!!! Use it every day and let him know that since he wants to make you think you're not enough for him, there is always a way for you to take care of yourself.

5. Make sure you tell him that your apparatus (from item #4) makes you feel way better than he does.

6. Tell him how many orgasms it gives you every day.

7. Start coming home late from work, at least hour late every day. If you don't work, then start disappearing after he gets home from work. Disappear on the weekends too for hours at a time. Go to the movies. Go to a friend's to visit. Go visit family. Go to the park. Go to Starbucks and lose yourself online for a while. Go get your hair and nails done. Buy yourself a new dress, something sexier than you normally wear.

8. Go get your hair and nails done on Saturday morning, and invite a friend or two or your sister or our cousin to join you at a club or somewhere on Saturday night. Start checking the Sunday newspapers for weekend happenings. Go see a play, a musical, a fashion show, a local jazz band, a local rock band, whatever your style.

9. Start taking the kids out to have fun without him - amusement parks, the playground, local carnivals, playdates, kiddy shows, etc. When he asks why you don't invite him, tell him "I really like the attention I get when you're not around." Make sure you do your hair and makeup differently each time you leave the house and wear your new dress.

10. Call a local florist and send yourself a beautiful flower arrangement. Use a friend's credit/debit card to make the purchase and give them the money right back.

11. Pretend to be on the phone with a co-worker and say things like 'Girl, I know he likes me (referring to a non-existent new employee), but I'm not thinking about him."

12. Start hiding out in the bathroom (or any different room from the one he is in) and use your phone. Take your phone everywhere with you. Speak in low tones. Giggle in low tones. If he walks in the room, get off the phone hurriedly like you're hiding something and got caught.

You have given him ALL of your power, but it's time you took your power back. If you did just TWO of these suggestions, you will change his attitude forever and make him grateful for what he has.

You have no idea the advantage you have over this man. He should value you more, so make him. Stop acting like you need his approval as if he's your father. He shouldn't have married you if he likes bigger boobs than you have, instead of marrying you and making you feel less than. Let him know HE is the inadequate one and can be replaced any time you get ready.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

CatholicDad said:


> I think his sharing this is malicious- all thoughts aren’t meant to be shared.
> 
> It’s akin to a husband saying “I want to go dancing” to his wife in a wheelchair (not saying you are disabled in any way).


Yes, that is what is so malicious about it.

To add to my list
13. When you and he are out in public, look at other men and say things like "I love that guy's bow-legs" or "That guy has great shoulders. I always liked broad shoulders" or "That guy's long ponytail looks so sexy."

And since he doesn't hesitate to insult you, insult him right back:
14. After the next time you and he have sex, say something like "I often wonder what it would be like to be married to a younger man" or "If you pass away, I will never marry an older man again." Use your imagination. He will probably get indignant. If he asks why, tell him something like "I don't know. I just think it would be more fun to be married to a younger man, someone younger than you."

Get his head screwed on straight. He's no granddamnedprize. Let him know it. Let him know you had options when you met him and you still do have options. That sorry POS of yours needs to know the hell his life COULD be.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I have to disagree with most of the items @StarFires wrote (no offense intended here). I DO AGREE that you have given HIM the power over how you feel about yourself. STOP that. I agree that telling him that if he doesn't like your boobs and he has these restrictions about not seeing them when you have sex, then he doesn't need to have sex with you, and STOP doing that. (#3).
The other suggestions are just too much "mind games" and can/will lead to all sorts of catastrophic issues in my opinion. I just really hate the idea of playing games like this. I've never seen any of this type of stuff lead to anything other than heartache.

Talk to him, tell him how you feel about this and his obsession, that it is YOUR body, you are happy with them, and if he doesn't then HE needs to go to couseling to figure his **** out. Have an honest discussion, but DO NOT let his feelings about this override yours. Your overall health needs to be MUCH more important than giant boobs.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

jlg07 said:


> I have to disagree with most of the items @StarFires wrote (no offense intended here). I DO AGREE that you have given HIM the power over how you feel about yourself. STOP that. I agree that telling him that if he doesn't like your boobs and he has these restrictions about not seeing them when you have sex, then he doesn't need to have sex with you, and STOP doing that. (#3).
> The other suggestions are just too much "mind games" and can/will lead to all sorts of catastrophic issues in my opinion. I just really hate the idea of playing games like this. I've never seen any of this type of stuff lead to anything other than heartache.
> 
> Talk to him, tell him how you feel about this and his obsession, that it is YOUR body, you are happy with them, and if he doesn't then HE needs to go to couseling to figure his **** out. Have an honest discussion, but DO NOT let his feelings about this override yours. Your overall health needs to be MUCH more important than giant boobs.


Nope, no offense taken. I don't like mind games either. The difference between Jewels and me is I wouldn't be with anyone who made me feel this way. The fact is she's married to him, and I don't follow most people's continuous suggestion to "dump him." She wants to remain married to a man who screws with her mind, so my suggestion is to turn the tables on him and do the same. I wasn't suggesting she do all of those, but just a couple or three will make him realize he's not perfect either and she doesn't have to take his crap.


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

StarFires said:


> Nope, no offense taken. I don't like mind games either. The difference between Jewels and me is I wouldn't be with anyone who made me feel this way. The fact is she's married to him, and I don't follow most people's continuous suggestion to "dump him." She wants to remain married to a man who screws with her mind, so my suggestion is to turn the tables on him and do the same. I wasn't suggesting she do all of those, but just a couple or three will make him realize he's not perfect either and she doesn't have to take his crap.


I totally agree with you.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Jewels29 said:


> 😭😭😭 thanks for the support. I have cried so many tears over this....I love him so well and I know he loves me...a while back his response was basically that we could just have a lot less sex because he’s just not as interested and it broke me. I am just hoping and praying he can change?! Hike I’m not deluding myself...


You sound young and inexperienced about the nature of relationships and how manipulative people will be. Believe me, that "lot less sex" comment was only meant to pressure you into doing what he wants. If he disliked your boobs so much, then why have sex with you at all? And since he does have sex with you even though he supposedly dislikes your boobs, then he's just using you and objectifying you. That means he doesn't deserve to ever have sex with you.

You need to stop crying and turn the tables on his sorry arse.

I know you don't understand this and probably won't like me saying, but this is precisely the reason he married a younger woman. Younger women are naive and looking for daddy's approval, and he is taking full advantage. He knows full well a woman his own contemporary would NEVER put up with this. She wouldn't be crying and trying to please daddy. She would tell his arse to go to hell. You're being mentally and emotionally abused and don't even know it.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

It does sort of sound like he is using the "boobs" thing to keep YOU subjugated to what HE wants -- he is manipulating you to maintain the power in the relationship.
You need to realize your OWN self-worth. It is NOT depedent on him AT ALL. YOU need to take control of that and NOT let him do this to you. Make sure this manipulation STOPS working the way he wants.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Yeah, I agree that this is a power balance issue, and its typical for this kind of guy to seek out a much younger woman with self esteem issues for exactly the reasons you see here.

We have much focus on what turns HIM on but nothing regarding what HE might be lacking if we're going to start with what could turn you on more. I mean, surely at 16 years older he isn't perfect....I'm sure his fitness or hair could be better.

So why don't you come up with your own demands? I'm completely serious. Tell him that since he NEEDS you to cut your body open the least he can do is take his ass to the gym 5 times a week and maybe look into hair plugs.

And I'd seriously stop having sex with him....at least long enough for him to get cranky. When he brings it up point out calmly that he's not attracted to your beast size so you figured sex was now off the table. 

Take some power back.

You're a catch....he's not.


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> I have to disagree with most of the items @StarFires wrote (no offense intended here). I DO AGREE that you have given HIM the power over how you feel about yourself. STOP that. I agree that telling him that if he doesn't like your boobs and he has these restrictions about not seeing them when you have sex, then he doesn't need to have sex with you, and STOP doing that. (#3).
> The other suggestions are just too much "mind games" and can/will lead to all sorts of catastrophic issues in my opinion. I just really hate the idea of playing games like this. I've never seen any of this type of stuff lead to anything other than heartache.
> 
> Talk to him, tell him how you feel about this and his obsession, that it is YOUR body, you are happy with them, and if he doesn't then HE needs to go to couseling to figure his **** out. Have an honest discussion, but DO NOT let his feelings about this override yours. Your overall health needs to be MUCH more important than giant boobs.


I agree thank you


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

IndianApple said:


> I totally agree with you.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I hear you...thanks 


lifeistooshort said:


> Yeah, I agree that this is a power balance issue, and its typical for this kind of guy to seek out a much younger woman with self esteem issues for exactly the reasons you see here.
> 
> We have much focus on what turns HIM on but nothing regarding what HE might be lacking if we're going to start with what could turn you on more. I mean, surely at 16 years older he isn't perfect....I'm sure his fitness or hair could be better.
> 
> ...


I agree- I’ve given him more power than he deserves over my self worth and he is definitely not perfect...


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> It does sort of sound like he is using the "boobs" thing to keep YOU subjugated to what HE wants -- he is manipulating you to maintain the power in the relationship.
> You need to realize your OWN self-worth. It is NOT depedent on him AT ALL. YOU need to take control of that and NOT let him do this to you. Make sure this manipulation STOPS working the way he wants.


I know...I feel like I’m all about women empowerment when it comes to other people or my daughter but when it comes to myself it’s two steps forward two steps back... I have been in counseling myself and felt I was making progress but this situation seems to be holding me back...


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Jewels29 said:


> I know...I feel like I’m all about women empowerment when it comes to other people or my daughter but when it comes to myself it’s two steps forward two steps back... I have been in counseling myself and felt I was making progress but this situation seems to be holding me back...


I mentioned women wrapping their self-esteem around men's scrotum.
I mentioned the fact that women around his own age wouldn't put up with his manipulation.

Do you see the difference in those two statements?

The difference is growth. The difference is maturing that comes from long-suffering.

By my first statement, you can see you are hardly the only woman that has gone through this type of thing with the various men in their lives while dating and being married. You are not alone. It's really very common.

But by my second statement, you can see that women gain strength as they mature and come to learn those men are not more important than they are. They become enlightened. They gain confidence in themselves. They learn to love themselves more than they love that man. They realize they don't have to do all those backward flipflops to please men, while the men only make them suffer. They get their booty on their shoulders, get full of themselves, and decide not to take any more crap. 

It's always a fearful thing to take back your power. It's hard to stand up for yourself because you fear what will happen, you fear what he will do.

But strength and confidence comes from doing. Each thing you fear in your life, you become less fearful the more you do it. The more you do something, the more you see how easy it was to conquer that fear. You realize it was just that very first time that was so hard.

It's not this situation that is holding you back. It's the fear of doing something about it that is holding you back.

I'm sure you've heard the saying "fake it til you make it." That's what people do. They don't believe in themselves, so they ACT like they believe in themselves. The more they fake confidence, the more they become confident. That's why strength and confidence come from doing. All you have to do is take that first step for yourself. Just do one thing, and the second will be easier, then the third will be easier than the second, and so on.

So do something.

Think over your options and decide what that one thing will be.
Then practice it to yourself. Practice over and over.

So tell us: What are you going to do?


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

Thanks for this push. You’re spot on. 😭. My plan is to not cover myself and be open to what happens. I have encouraged more therapy both separately and together... I plan to work on my own confidence and not let him undermine it but requiring the covering of my body. I’m done letting him define my self worth.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Jewels29 said:


> I know...I feel like I’m all about women empowerment when it comes to other people or my daughter but when it comes to myself it’s two steps forward two steps back... I have been in counseling myself and felt I was making progress but this situation seems to be holding me back...


I wouldn't beat yourself up here -- many times things like this, when YOU are inside it, don't strike you as being manipulative. People don't always analyze things like this - you just "live your life". Now that it has been described, I think you will do MUCH better in the future to NOT fall for this type of manipulation from him (or anyone else!).


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Jewels29 said:


> Thanks for this push. You’re spot on. . My plan is to not cover myself and be open to what happens. I have encouraged more therapy both separately and together... I plan to work on my own confidence and not let him undermine it but requiring the covering of my body. I’m done letting him define my self worth.


This is a perfect example of you are willing to compromise keeping your life at stake but he doesnt. Till now, he had blindfolded you but now is the time for you to wake up and do something without harming yourself.

Yes, there will be quarrels between you two but this will make him realise you arent a toy to play with.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Jewels29 said:


> He is 16 years older*


Oh wow, my first ‘trying to help’ post here and I screw it up. I thought YOU were 16 years older than HIM. My bad, I was comparing something thinking it was similar lol my bad.

Giiirl he’s 16 years older than you. He’s lucky to have you. You think he might do this because he’s scared of growing old and losing you to a younger man? You know? Putting those seeds of doubt in your mind about your attraction level to keep you humble?

Just thinking out loud.

I agree with the poster above that said some things should not be said out loud. Ever. It would be like telling a guy he has a small penis. He’d probably have a hard time getting it up from there on. *no pun intended 

I bet you look absolutely fine!


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## Mylehigh (Jul 8, 2019)

I've been following this discussion with a bit of a morbid fascination. I don't mean to be unkind in any way - it's just unbelievable that a man would treat his wife this way and she is trying to solve the problem. I think someone said earlier to you that these are his problems, not yours. I totally agree with that and encourage you to take a strong stand on behalf of yourself and tell him there is no way you are getting breast augmentation for his amusement only (while you are not wanting to do it for yourself).

I would suggest you ignore the 'tit for tat' suggestions you've been given here on how to manipulate him. Game playing is never a viable solution in a marriage.

The story you tell is a sad one that has a slim chance for a happy ending for you with this man. Salvage what you have left of your self-esteem and tell him flat out how you feel about all of it. Open and honest communication is your only hope.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The next time he asks you to wear the push-up bra and tank top, reach under your bed and pull out a paper bag. Tell him to put it over his head because you'd like to pretend you're screwing a guy twenty years younger. Tell him unless he wears it, you'll be having a lot less sex.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Jewels29 said:


> My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He is 16 years older than me. I was a 34B when we got married and was always surprised that he didn’t want sex a little more often. We have 3 children who I breastfed. After I finished breastfeeding my 3rd my husband would hint regularly that he’d love me to get implants. I sensed a lack of interest in sex with me and would find pictures of very enhanced women on his computer. So, I got smallish implants and then was a 34D. My husband moved my implants but they took almost all my nipple sensation away. I became somewhat depressed and the surgery was very painful and the recovery long. I always had chest pain and then the implants started to make me sick and affect my immune system. I had an explant last fall and my health and energy levels have improved greatly. I am now a 34C. My husband wants me to wear a large padded push up bra and tank top when we have sex. He isn’t interested if I don’t wear the bra and has even lost his erection when I took it off in the middle of sex. I asked him to stop looking at lorn thinking maybe this would re orient his preference for large breasts but it hasn’t made a difference. He has stated clearly he can’t choose what he’s attracted to and needs large breasts to be aroused. This has greatly affected my self esteem and I am now considering a fat transfer surgery to enhance my breasts again but am worried I’ll resent him for it. I also want a great sex life and don’t want to wear a bra and tank top during sex for the rest of our married life....I just feel lost. My husband says he loves me and feels badly that he’s hurt me and we’ve even done counseling but nothing has changed.


wow, I have no words... except NO. You don’t seem to recognize what a selfish jerk your husband is.
Only do with YOUR body what makes YOU happy.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

My Gf has been talking about having it done. Would it be cool? Sure! But at the same time little boobies need loving too!


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

Just go into the decision with eyes wide open- a certain number of women get really sick from implants...check out the list of ingredients (tons of heavy metals). So great that you’re supportive of what she wants to do and love her as she is


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

Mylehigh said:


> I've been following this discussion with a bit of a morbid fascination. I don't mean to be unkind in any way - it's just unbelievable that a man would treat his wife this way and she is trying to solve the problem. I think someone said earlier to you that these are his problems, not yours. I totally agree with that and encourage you to take a strong stand on behalf of yourself and tell him there is no way you are getting breast augmentation for his amusement only (while you are not wanting to do it for yourself).
> 
> I would suggest you ignore the 'tit for tat' suggestions you've been given here on how to manipulate him. Game playing is never a viable solution in a marriage.
> 
> The story you tell is a sad one that has a slim chance for a happy ending for you with this man. Salvage what you have left of your self-esteem and tell him flat out how you feel about all of it. Open and honest communication is your only hope.


I am trying to do that...not sure how we will get back to being intimate at all after this but al hoping for some healing....


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I'm not into playing games, but I would start telling him that you aren't up for sex because you don't want to put on that uncomfortable bra in order to have it, which is, in fact, the truth. If he gets turned down enough he might realize that having you without the bra is better than having nothing. He'll get it eventually. And tell him to stop the freaking large breasted porn. 

He'd hate me...I had mine reduced. Men who want their women to have huge breasts have NO idea how uncomfortable it is for a woman.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Jewels29 said:


> I am trying to do that...not sure how we will get back to being intimate at all after this but al hoping for some healing....


All couples go through problems and intimacy dwindles (especially with the energy needed to raise kids). After reading this thread I think the focus on breast size may be just a symptom of other things causing frustration. And yes sometimes you can treat the symptoms (like covering up to make your breasts look bigger) as a way to try and solve problems, but in the long term you have to make sure you are getting to the source of the problem. 

In my opinion I think your husband wants bigger breasts in the bedroom for use as a sexual stimulant. Generally speaking stimulants are used when someone is needs something a little extra to help them do a little more. Like drinking coffee to help you study in the evening after a long day of being busy. The source of the problem could be that your husband is tired and/or he exhausted his libido by masturbating to porn. The solution would be less porn and better quality in-person intimacy. If he needs porn or struggles to give it up he could try substituting with something a little less visual like an erotic story. 

Another problem could be that of a strong kink or fetish for a specific thing. Some people are all about shoes and others have a thing for warm sweaters. I don't know all the details about how this works, but certain things can become imprinted onto one's sexuality. The brain creates a strong association and then that association becomes something needed in order to be rewarded (as in sexually aroused). You mentioned your husband liked your bigger breasts when you got pregnant. There is a slight possibility that this help reinforce something in his mind that bigger breasts are associated with his sexual success and fertility. So he may need that association again in order to compel his mind to give him a reward. If this is the case, I would suggest learning about role play and how those dynamics work emotionally. Dressing up as if your boobs are bigger is not about your husband rejecting you, but it is about being open to your partner's fantasies and helping him feel accepted. If this is what is going on, he should be more than willing to do the same for you to help enhance your experience. For instance he could role play the part of your sexual slave that is strictly forbidden from watching porn and masturbating. The more he does that for you, the more you dress up for him. 

At the end of the day I am just pointing out that there is likely something else causing problems with intimacy that you may be overlooking and that his desire for bigger boobs is just a symptom of what is going on. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

badsanta said:


> All couples go through problems and intimacy dwindles (especially with the energy needed to raise kids). After reading this thread I think the focus on breast size may be just a symptom of other things causing frustration. And yes sometimes you can treat the symptoms (like covering up to make your breasts look bigger) as a way to try and solve problems, but in the long term you have to make sure you are getting to the source of the problem.
> 
> In my opinion I think your husband wants bigger breasts in the bedroom for use as a sexual stimulant. Generally speaking stimulants are used when someone is needs something a little extra to help them do a little more. Like drinking coffee to help you study in the evening after a long day of being busy. The source of the problem could be that your husband is tired and/or he exhausted his libido by masturbating to porn. The solution would be less porn and better quality in-person intimacy. If he needs porn or struggles to give it up he could try substituting with something a little less visual like an erotic story.
> 
> ...


That is an interesting point. I know in the case of my ex he was into spanking, and as his ED got worse that's all he wanted to do, to your point probably because that's the only way he could get it up at all.

The porn didn't help, but at a certain point it becomes a chicken and egg thing. Did he develop ED because of porn, or did he use porn to try to remedy it? Who knows, but either way it didn't help. It got to the point where I didn't want sex at all with him because I knew that's all it was going to be....more and more spanking. And he was so self centered that my discomfort and lack of interest didn't register.

BUT.....wanting her to have surgery so he can get off is another level of selfishness. It's one thing to request nice lingerie if that's your thing, but quite another to ask your spouse to get cut open and risk their health so you can get off, and with no mention of what he's doing for her.

That's what bothers me here. TBH I have no idea how she still wants sex with him.


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

badsanta said:


> All couples go through problems and intimacy dwindles (especially with the energy needed to raise kids). After reading this thread I think the focus on breast size may be just a symptom of other things causing frustration. And yes sometimes you can treat the symptoms (like covering up to make your breasts look bigger) as a way to try and solve problems, but in the long term you have to make sure you are getting to the source of the problem.
> 
> In my opinion I think your husband wants bigger breasts in the bedroom for use as a sexual stimulant. Generally speaking stimulants are used when someone is needs something a little extra to help them do a little more. Like drinking coffee to help you study in the evening after a long day of being busy. The source of the problem could be that your husband is tired and/or he exhausted his libido by masturbating to porn. The solution would be less porn and better quality in-person intimacy. If he needs porn or struggles to give it up he could try substituting with something a little less visual like an erotic story.
> 
> ...


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> That is an interesting point. I know in the case of my ex he was into spanking, and as his ED got worse that's all he wanted to do, to your point probably because that's the only way he could get it up at all.
> 
> The porn didn't help, but at a certain point it becomes a chicken and egg thing. Did he develop ED because of porn, or did he use porn to try to remedy it? Who knows, but either way it didn't help. It got to the point where I didn't want sex at all with him because I knew that's all it was going to be....more and more spanking. And he was so self centered that my discomfort and lack of interest didn't register.
> 
> ...


another good point- this is definitely affecting my desires to be intimate with him... and I worry about doing the surgery and wonder if it still won’t be enough. thanks for the support..


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Wanting you to get a 2nd boob job? H no. Is it not enough that he has a wife 16 years younger? I can't keep my hands off my wife and she's less than 2 years younger, if I had her 16 years younger self, she'd really be in trouble  

All kidding aside, you sound like you really want to be a pleasing wife but there has to be limits. It can't be you doing all the work while he kicks back. Why do you put up with that? Is he loaded? High status? or super hung? What does he bring to the table for him to dare to push a wife 16 years younger to get a 2nd boob job? 

Please do NOT go under the knife again for something so petty.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> BUT.....wanting her to have surgery so he can get off is another level of selfishness. It's one thing to request nice lingerie if that's your thing, but quite another to ask your spouse to get cut open and risk their health so you can get off, and with no mention of what he's doing for her.
> 
> That's what bothers me here. TBH I have no idea how she still wants sex with him.


I am not an advocate of surgery. 

However is dressing up to make her boobs look bigger is something that works, while that is problematic, it could be about her helping make his fetish feel accepted. 

A long time ago I developed a fetish/kink (not going to describe it), but I eventually let go of it because it created discomfort. My partner at the time did not shame me for what I was trying, but she made it a point to discuss the ways it made intimacy uncomfortable. Because I was eager to please it created a conflict of interest within me and helped me just let it go. To this day I still get a mild rise out of the topic that my fetish/kink is associated with, but it is definitely not hardwired into me as something needed.

While I would advise the OP to focus on her own pleasure and use that to arouse her husband, that is problematic if he struggles to be interested. A good question here is if he is willing to sexually please his wife if he is not exactly in the mood (manually or orally)? If so does she reject that because she insists on being desired before she can enjoy herself? Well then... the OP might consider that the same thing works the other way around. Perhaps the husband could become more interested in sex by responding to her arousal (without the need for bigger boobs) if he is willing to please her in order to help himself respond with his own arousal.

Sometimes a one-sided experience can help reveal some more underlying issues. Both in the relationship should be able to enjoy a one-sided sexual experience where one is happy to please the other but wants nothing in return. If the person receiving that rejects that opportunity, then you have to stop and ask why and figuring out better what is going on. Most often it can be an issue of self confidence in that they worry that of someone doesn't want something in return that he/she may not be needed anymore in the relationship. So the problems creating rejection might be driven by fear of abandonment. This could be improved by working together as a couple to improve trust and each other's self confidence. 

Like I said, bigger boobs could just be a symptom. The OP's willingness to do it is the biggest symptom if you ask me. 

Badsanta


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## Jewels29 (Aug 2, 2020)

This touches a nerve for me for sure... really helpful. Thanks.


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## GordonCornish546kW (Aug 10, 2020)

Of course you don't have to do the surgery for your husband. He should love you the way you are, and if he starts asking you to fix something, it's not love anymore. A breast lift can only be done if you want it and you are not satisfied with how your Breasts look. I also did this operation, but I wanted to do it myself. I didn't like the way it sagged. I found the best clinic in the States and the best doctor. The operation was successful and now I like myself. You can do it too, but only for yourself! Here's their website if you do decide to Breast Augmentation in Seattle, Bellevue, & Kirkland | Dr. Craig Jonov


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

GordonCornish546kW said:


> I'm sorry, but your husband doesn't love you. When love does not lose an erection due to sagging Breasts. And you don't have to indulge him in everything. There will be someone who likes you!


ERECTION = LOVE

NO ERECTION = NO LOVE

By these standards I think I am in love with a jar of coconut oil and am now questioning if I actually love my wife.


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## nbk2tek (Sep 7, 2020)

Don't compromise yourself any further for the hope and idea of what you wish your marriage was.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Jewels29 said:


> My husband and I have been married for 15 years. .......My husband wants me to wear a large padded push up bra and tank top when we have sex. He isn’t interested if I don’t wear the bra and has even lost his erection when I took it off in the middle of sex.
> 
> ....He has stated clearly he can’t choose what he’s attracted to and needs large breasts to be aroused. This has greatly affected my self esteem and I am now considering a fat transfer surgery to enhance my breasts again but am worried I’ll resent him for it.
> 
> I also want a great sex life and don’t want to wear a bra and tank top during sex for the rest of our married life....I just feel lost. My husband says he loves me and feels badly that he’s hurt me and we’ve even done counseling but nothing has changed.


You don't need to surgically change your body for your husbands pleasure, unless it is something that you want.

I would really suggest trying counseling again, but with a sex therapist, a really good sex therapist and marriage counselor. There are lots of ways that someone, like your H, can reprogram their desires or at least control them to the point of having a working marriage, but it will be up to him, it he wants to change or not.

His suggestion on a padded bra may be an attempt on his part to find some compromise that does not involve plastic surgery. You are assuming that it is a permanent change, it may just be a bridge in his mind. Again, it is an olive branch on his part. One that you may bind repugnant. Still a sex therapist might be able to help the two of you explore this and other compromises and hopefully find a combination of change and improvisation that you both can embrace and enjoy.
Good luck.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

sorry your husband is such a lout.
a woman who is acting sexy, and trying to please her husband, is one of the most erotic things a man can experience. 

breast surgery is not necessarily low risk. I would advise against the surgery, but try other things to spice up the sex life. maybe some other kinky thing would get him turned on. Sounds like he might like it if you dressed up with erotic lingerie


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

If you weren't with him, would you be considering surgery? I strongly believe it's not something you should even think about unless it is something you want for YOU. It involves health risks and is permanently altering your physique. If that's something YOU want, that's one thing. But it sounds like he is strongarming you into considering surgery to pique his interest for sex more often because of his fetish (it strikes me as weird that he didn't select a mate with huge breasts if that is the only thing he is attracted to). Honestly, you're a saint for putting up with him. I would not want to have sex with someone who made me feel less than. I would confront him with your feelings about this and explain to him candidly how him saying things like this makes you feel. Make it clear that you won't be manipulated into doing something potentially dangerous. Don't devolve into any kind of game-playing. I think frank and open conversations with him are in order. But don't hold back about how this makes you feel. If he cares about you and loves you, he will desist in this destructive behavior. Working together to improve your sex life is one thing - it is an effort on both your parts to change the course you're on. What he is doing is putting all the pressure on YOU to change for him, not working with you. Counseling would be a good plan to see how you can restore a balance and mutual respect between the two of you. But again, if you do take that route, it can't just be YOU doing things for HIM. It would have to be a joint effort.


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## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

Jewels29 said:


> My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He is 16 years older than me. I was a 34B when we got married and was always surprised that he didn’t want sex a little more often. We have 3 children who I breastfed. After I finished breastfeeding my 3rd my husband would hint regularly that he’d love me to get implants. I sensed a lack of interest in sex with me and would find pictures of very enhanced women on his computer. So, I got smallish implants and then was a 34D. My husband moved my implants but they took almost all my nipple sensation away. I became somewhat depressed and the surgery was very painful and the recovery long. I always had chest pain and then the implants started to make me sick and affect my immune system. I had an explant last fall and my health and energy levels have improved greatly. I am now a 34C. My husband wants me to wear a large padded push up bra and tank top when we have sex. He isn’t interested if I don’t wear the bra and has even lost his erection when I took it off in the middle of sex. I asked him to stop looking at lorn thinking maybe this would re orient his preference for large breasts but it hasn’t made a difference. He has stated clearly he can’t choose what he’s attracted to and needs large breasts to be aroused. This has greatly affected my self esteem and I am now considering a fat transfer surgery to enhance my breasts again but am worried I’ll resent him for it. I also want a great sex life and don’t want to wear a bra and tank top during sex for the rest of our married life....I just feel lost. My husband says he loves me and feels badly that he’s hurt me and we’ve even done counseling but nothing has changed.


Only if he get butt , penis or ab implants and liposuction , I am serious ...Only then you do the breast implants otherwise he can take a walk . As for the sex ... if he loses wood because of you not wearing a bra go get yourself or order online a nice vibrator and tell him he's too small and he's has ED. Put the shoe on the other foot . Don't let his porn issues make you feel less of a women. He has an issue no woman can fix ...he's the problem here not you .

I'm betting he's no Adonis . Take the love goggles off and look at him with a critical eye if you don't you will go through a lot of mental anguish while losing all your self confidence then years later you eventually will see his physical faults , personality deficits and superficiality then you will despise him and be furious at yourself for blaming yourself all this time when he is the problem here by not leaving the porn alone ... the porn in this case is the other woman.

He is the problem here not you, he needs to grow up . What will he do when you start to age ? Get a younger one with gigantic implants ...Don't be a doormat , you matter too. He does not deserve you ! Would you want your daughter ( if you have one ) to have a husband like that ? Him " saying " feeling sorry he hurts you and feels badly is meaningless . This current situation will do nothing good for your mental health in the long run ...do you want 15-20 more years of this . If he was that sorry or felt that badly he'd ditch the porn, he is selfish. Get individual counseling asap...it will help you .Best of luck to you sweetie , your beautiful as you are any normal man would roll over and thank his lucky stars to have a women who would resort to breast surgery to please him . From here on please yourself ,you've done enough in trying to please him . Any surgery is dangerous and has risks ,he should think about that more than his crotch. Don't end up getting boobs like Lorraine did for her oaf husband in the movie Back to the Future 2 !


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