# Worried about my Wedding night (Suhaag Raat)



## j80nilesh (Jul 7, 2014)

Hello dear readers and members. Greetings of the day.

I am 34 year old Indian. I was born and brought up in very conservative family. My personality is of very shy, introvert, passive and quiet nature. I also had responsibilities on shoulders and some family issues. Because of which I had decided to take care and sort our those issues first in life. Which delayed my marriage till now. Now I am st good stage and position in my life and by God's grace, I am engaged to a beautiful girl from my community and will be getting married soon. 

Because of my nature, I was never involved into any girl before and don't have any relationship experience. My would be wife was involved into a relationship in the past. she had a boyfriend and they were together for long time and they enjoyed in bed. 

I am not jealous but rather happy that my would be wife enjoyed a relationship and I am sure that experience will help in our future relationship to prosper. 

But I am worried about my performance in bed. Obviously I do not have any sexual encounter experience and my mind is filled up with worries such as whether she will like me in bed? will I be able to perform upto her expectations? and I heard many times before that how big deal penis size is, and what if my penis is smaller than my wife's ex-boyfriend?

Not sure what to do. Hoping to find some supportive, understanding answers here.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

*Re: Worried about my wedding night (Suhaag Raat)*

If you able to relax about it you will be fine.

I was nervous on my wedding night too, even though I had experince I felt pressure like you. Everything turned iut fine. Since you mentioned God, pray abiut it and give it to him. 


You'll be fine


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Nilesh, firstly penis size is no where near as big a deal as many males tend to think it is. So do not worry about that.

My question is how did you meet your wife to be ? Did she fall in love with you ? How long have you known each other ? Why did her previous relationship not work? If she is in love with you then nothing else should matter. You will work out what needs to be done in bed together and so long as you have open and honest communication with each other, you will come to enjoy your sex life together.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Viagra and a couple bottles of wine.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Do some reading and learn about how to please a woman. Hint: it doesn't have nearly as much to do with your penis as you might think.

The most important thing is to ASK HER to tell you and show you how she likes to be touched. TALK about sex before you have sex. The brain is the most important sexual organ - tease, flirt, show her that you think she's sexy.

I will quote another poster here (for the second time today!) who has listed some good books that can be helpful for learning how to please a woman:



SimplyAmorous said:


> So appreciate all your responses on this thread ... Overwhelmingly - this is important to men.... So important it can cause issues when the female orgasm is elusive...
> 
> If anyone may be interested...thought I'd list a variety of books on the Big "O" *>>*
> 
> ...


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## CarlaRose (Jul 6, 2014)

You are sweet to be concerned about pleasing your new wife. That's the first indicator that you will be a good lover for her, so try to always remember how important pleasing her is to you. She will appreciate it very much.

Concerning the advice some of the other posters offered, I want to both agree and disagree. Penis size does matter if you do not know how to use your tool. If you do know how to use it, then penis size doesn't matter at all. All that means is you should take the time to learn her body and her needs as well as what you are capable of doing. There are lots of websites you can google to teach you a lot of that. Those offered by the member above are some good ones but don't stop there.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Duplicate posts (posting the same thing in more than one place) aren't allowed, so I merged your two threads.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

Just go with the flow, dont over think it right now or it might cause you to have some performance anxiety. This is new to you, so dont go in thinking your going to be able to give earth shattering orgasms your first run. You will have lots of fun learning what each of you like and what works and what dont. Just chill dude, you'll do just fine.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Sex/Intimacy is a pre requisite to marriage IMO.

Same goes for living together.

In my opinion, it's VERY important to actually experience these things prior to any long commitment.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

DoF said:


> Sex/Intimacy is a pre requisite to marriage IMO.
> 
> Same goes for living together.
> 
> In my opinion, it's VERY important to actually experience these things prior to any long commitment.


Not everyone believes this way, such as OP as well as me. I think someone who waits for marriage has many rewards in store (such as going through their marriage without having flashbacks/heartache over what they did with others). In fact, his future wife having premarital sex has already having a negative impact on their relationship, aka him wondering if she is comparing him to the other man. He will probably wonder this lots more in the future.

OP, I think it's amazing that you've waited for marriage. Not everyone has that much of restraint. I think you'll be in for a wonderful surprise. Marriage sex is truly a gift from God, with lots of security and love and no room for doubt. The feelings that come with it are much more important than how "good" it is technique wise.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

CarlaRose said:


> You are sweet to be concerned about pleasing your new wife. That's the first indicator that you will be a good lover for her, so try to always remember how important pleasing her is to you. She will appreciate it very much.
> 
> Concerning the advice some of the other posters offered, I want to both agree and disagree. *Penis size does matter if you do not know how to use your tool. If you do know how to use it, then penis size doesn't matter at all.* All that means is you should take the time to learn her body and her needs as well as what you are capable of doing. There are lots of websites you can google to teach you a lot of that. Those offered by the member above are some good ones but don't stop there.


I was assuming that you knew how to use your penis. If not there are a lot of books out there, but it's not complicated.

*"You put the lime in the coconut, then you drank them both up.
Put the lime in the coconut, you call your doctor, wake him up.
And say doctor, is there nothing I can take?"*

And that's all there is to it. :ezpi_wink1:

You haven't replied my questions Nilesh (see my last post).  Suhag Rath should be also about romance not just sex. By the way, we have the best reference for this in the Kama Sutra, no?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

CarlaRose said:


> You are sweet to be concerned about pleasing your new wife. That's the first indicator that you will be a good lover for her, so try to always remember how important pleasing her is to you. She will appreciate it very much.
> 
> Concerning the advice some of the other posters offered, I want to both agree and disagree. *Penis size does matter if you do not know how to use your tool. If you do know how to use it, then penis size doesn't matter at all. All that means is you should take the time to learn her body and her needs as well as what you are capable of doing.* There are lots of websites you can google to teach you a lot of that. Those offered by the member above are some good ones but don't stop there.


Exactly ^^^.

Something I've said over and over here.


OP, 
I have a question. You say that you are worried about your ability to perform based on the fact that your fiancée really enjoyed sex with her former boyfriend.
If she enjoyed sex that much with her ex boyfriend , then why didn't she have sex with you?

As long as his shadow looms over your marital bed , whether she compares or whether it's all in your mind , you won't be able to have a mutually satisfying sex life.

But the underlying question is , what exactly, is the source of your concern ?

I think the source of your concern is that you think her past experience with her long term boyfriend will help you two have a great or better sex life.
Nothing could be further from the truth.

You cannot rely on her past experiences to teach you or make you into a good lover.
Her past experiences can only remind her of her past boyfriend, which in turn makes you feel insecure.
You must take charge of her body in the bedroom ,and stamp out any memory of her past boyfriend with the type of sexual performance the makes her want to forget him.
Get into her mind and have sex with her brain first ,find out what makes her wet in all the right places, give her constant mental sex.
She must always associate anything sexual with you first.
Create new memories ,take the time to explore her body and savor her flesh , tell her what you want to do to her and what you want her to do to you, and do it as often as possible.

Do not rely on her past experience to help you, that is a recipe for disaster.



And BTW , make sure that the ex boyfriend is completely out of your marriage ,do not tolerate him sending cards, facebook messages , phone calls or gifts.


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## j80nilesh (Jul 7, 2014)

manfromlamancha said:


> Nilesh, firstly penis size is no where near as big a deal as many males tend to think it is. So do not worry about that.
> 
> My question is how did you meet your wife to be ? Did she fall in love with you ? How long have you known each other ? Why did her previous relationship not work? If she is in love with you then nothing else should matter. You will work out what needs to be done in bed together and so long as you have open and honest communication with each other, you will come to enjoy your sex life together.


Hi, Thanks for your response. Its a arrange marriage. We both Indians. Her ex was from different religious background hence their marriage was not acceptable to her family members. Hence they mutually end their love relationship.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

j80nilesh said:


> Hi, Thanks for your response. Its a arrange marriage. We both Indians. Her ex was from different religious background hence their marriage was not acceptable to her family members. Hence they mutually end their love relationship.


If that is the case, the real question you should have is "is she really over him?".

If they both were forced to end their relationship because of religious differences, it is not a good start to any marriage. I am assuming you two are Hindu, and he was something else - Muslim, Sikh, Christian, Buddhist ...?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

dude, after 10 hours of drum and flute music at your wedding reception (i know, i was at one once) she will be happy for ANYTHING you can do for her!!!! relax


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## j80nilesh (Jul 7, 2014)

manfromlamancha said:


> If that is the case, the real question you should have is "is she really over him?".
> 
> If they both were forced to end their relationship because of religious differences, it is not a good start to any marriage. I am assuming you two are Hindu, and he was something else - Muslim, Sikh, Christian, Buddhist ...?


Yes, me and my wife are Hindu, and her ex-bf was Muslim. My wife loved him and wanted to get married to him, but her ex-bf parents was not ready for this marriage as they wanted to get him married to the girl of their choice. He did not wanted to go out of his parents words and that apparently lead to mutually closing their relationship. Her parents did not force her to break her previous relationship neither they forced her to choose me as her husband. It was her choice and decision considering the overall situation. 

She herself wanted to forget about her past and begin life a fresh, which she seems like happily doing with me.


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