# Need women's advice - fiance broke off engagement without warning



## ctb09 (Sep 11, 2016)

Hello all,

I am a male and I am looking for a female's perspective as to what is going on in my life and me trying to make sense of everything. I have asked friends and family's advice and it's hard to get an unbiased view because they are all so angry at my ex-fiance. I apologize for the length of this but I am hoping someone will read it and help. 

I proposed to my ex who is 8 years younger than me in June 2015. In July 2016 we sent out save the dates and in the beginning of August we moved into an apartment. Two to three weeks after we moved in to the apartment my fiance started bringing up issues she was having with our relationship. Some of the main issues were that I was controlling when it came to decision-making, throwing tantrums when I didn't get my way, being argumentative (I am an attorney so that has something to do with it I am sure but I am not making excuses). I will certainly admit I have my faults and I do agree with many of the things my ex accused me of.  She said she was so excited to move out of her parent's home and into the apartment with me, but unfortunately I was not looking forward to moving in to the apartment because it was not what I dreamed of putting her in. I wanted to give her better. She was not earning a lot of money and I was definitely supporting her while she was waiting for a full time position. I had no problem with that but I wanted to wait on the apartment to get something nicer and save money but she wanted to move to the one her family friends had available. I will say that in my opinion, even if I was combative during arguments, I would generally give in to her, which I did with the apartment. Also we never really had any real fights during our relationship. Also in my opinion I would always treat her very good. I genuinely enjoyed doing things for her out of love and never expected anything in return. 

You should know that the week before all this went down, I caught her lying about her being on the phone as it was beeping when I called her and she said she wasn't on. She lied to me one the phone. When I looked at our records, I saw she was speaking to someone and looked up the # and it was her ex who she dated for about two years prior to me. I was told by her and friends that he apparently treated her like crap and didn't give her attention when they dated. She was in college when she dated him. I asked her the next morning face to face and she admitted to talking to him and saying she had been speaking to him about our relationship and how to talk with me (as he was trying to be an attorney as well and he knew her faults). I always knew they talked on occasion and I never had a problem with it as they had mutual friends. In fact, she worked for his parents during the summer and I had no problem with that. She was talking to him a lot that month since we moved in to the apartment however. Almost once a day. 

During that week that we started to discuss these relationship issues, my fiance said she had been telling me about these issues for so long. I told her in my opinion she did not communicate it effectively to me where I would have been able to correct the problem or get the help I needed to make our relationship better. I think she told me while we were already both upset. I did recently find out from a mutual friend she spoke with that she was supposedly miserable living with me in the apartment because of how negative I was towards the apartment. She definitely made it nice and I eventually came along but I think for those first few weeks I was just so afraid of money issues and wanting to provide for her that I couldn't just be happy that we were finally living together. She was annoyed that I didn't want to pay for things in the apartment (such as paint and rugs) because in my opinion it was just a temporary living arrangement. I definitely understand why she was frustrated but I didn't think it was something we should have broken up over. I wrote her a beautiful email the day before she broke things off saying I would do whatever is necessary to fix the relationship. We always had a great relationship before this in my opinion. I offered therapy and/or couples therapy. She declined couples therapy because we were not married and she didn't think there was a future for us. She never officially broke it off as she couldn't get the words out so I had to ask her if we were done and she nodded her head.

The morning after we broke up I asked her to tell me when she wanted me to move out of the apt. She waited until later in the day and texted me that we should go over everything Sunday. She was not specific so I texted her saying, no i want to discuss this because she committed to marrying me and we need to try harder to save the relationship. It took her 6 hours to respond saying that I should respect her decision and she's been telling me about these problems for years (we started dating in 2013). During that time I saw she was on the phone with her ex for a while that evening (maybe an hour to 1.5 hours). I became furious and went to the apt and since she wasn't there I took the ring back. Then the next morning I went to the bank to take my money out and left everything she deposited less her basic expenses. I did not go through our credit card as I didn't want to knit-pick. She was not happy I did that without talking to her (she doesn't understand finances), but I didn't know what the ex was telling her. I then moved my stuff out Saturday and she showed up with her family because she didn't trust me i think. We spoke at length Saturday and left on good terms and she said to me she had no feelings for her ex. I even gave her several months rent to stay in the apt with the hope that we'd get back together. Then Sunday she called me twice and we were on good terms until I mentioned that if we don't get back together down the road (she sort of left the door open in the future), then we need to split the engagement gifts so I can return my family's to them, which she was not happy about.

Because I had so many doubts and emotions that weekends as to why she broke up with me, and because I found a call that Sunday between them that lasted two hours from 1230am to 230am one night in June, I decided to find out where the ex lived and drove past his home early Monday morning and found her car there. I then took back the money right away. She did not have any contact with him in July that I was able to tell from the records. She called me that morning about the money and I lost it and said as far as I am concerned we are done. She said nothing happened but because I was so emotional I couldn't see it any other way and that's why I took back the rent money. She then called me Tuesday asking that I send a letter to the caterer that she is getting all the money we put down, which we each put down half (because I told her she can have everything the night she broke it off because I didn't care about anything other than winning her back at the time). I told her everything changed after I saw her car at the house and she lost it and basically blackmailed me for all my stuff she still had. I threatened police intervention and she quickly changed her mind and said you would get your stuff. I did in fact go to the apt to pick everything up that same night with my friends and her family there so there would be no issues. 

Since then we have had no contact and I wrote an email telling her what she meant to me but why I did what I did, to which I got no response. Also my family picked up some of our belongings from her parents house and either they or her returned some small gifts I previously gave to the parents, which I thought was very immature and unwarranted. This weekend I have been working on a letter that I was going to hand write and send out in about a month. I am still heartbroken and I do want her back. I have been thinking about things and I do believe her now that she wasn't doing anything with this guy. I know she has always had very strong opinions of cheating (even kicked out a friend from her wedding party because she was having an emotional affair with someone) so I probably should not have doubted her from the beginning. I just didn't understand why she wasn't willing to work on the relationship with me. And my emotions got the best of me unfortunately. I still don't agree with her going to her ex for advice over her girlfriends or our mutual friends and families however. She didn't even tell her best friend about the issues until about 5 days after we broke up.

From a woman's perspective please tell me what is going on in her mind. I along with my family and friends were blindsided by this. I spoke to a mutual friend recently and she said she just needs space and said wait 60 days to contact her. She said she wasn't mad about the money and understood why I did what I did but was just angry about the other stuff but didn't close the door on talking in the future. I am not sure if she was just trying to give me some hope or time to get over her and I am not sure if my ex is done. I am praying she didn't cheat on me (my gut now says she didn't). The letter I prepared is basically a thank you letter for 3 amazing years and that I would love the opportunity to get back with her and that I am going to therapy to help me work on my issues (which I addressed each of them). Do I even bother sending this or did the relationship end so badly that it's beyond repair? I think she has several issues as well that she has to work on but I did not address those in the letter as I want her to determine those on her own. Obviously if we get back together, we have work to do.

Thank you for making it this far and for any help you can offer.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You created duplicate threads. I'm deleting the other one.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are you and your ex fiancé?


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## ctb09 (Sep 11, 2016)

Sorry new to this. Figured I would put it in two categories. I am 33, she is 25.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I get a general feeling from your post that you kind of look down on her and don't really view her as a partner, almost like a bit of a parent child dynamic where you know best.

Lots of "in my opinion" type stuff....."in MY opinion it wasn't worth breaking up".

The thing is that she is am adult, and maybe in her opinion it was worth breaking up over. Both of your opinions are valid.

People are furious with her for dumping you? Why? She doesn't have agency and is obligated to have her reasoning approved by others? I mean, you guys don't have kids so why the anger from others?

Describe what you love about her beyond looks and sex.

What exactly makes her a good partner for you in your opinion?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Your fiancé doesn't sound very mature. Before I give further input, could you let me know what type of law you practice? (Believe me, I have a reason for asking.)

I can understand you wanting to know what is going on in her head, but we can only speculate here. Heck, half the time I don't even know what is going on in my OWN head, never mind other people!


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## xgyrlx (Sep 11, 2016)

Both of you have issues that you need to work on and it doesn't sound like you are ready for each other. You guys are off to a bad start and this is only the engagement phase. Imagine the work you will have to put in after marriage just to stay together, and possibly end up in divorce. You guys did not love each other enough to stay together and work things out. Too much pride maybe???? Regarding her wanting space.... You shouldn't have to question if you want to marry someone. It should be a yes alllll the way to the altar. I say work on yourself and start fresh with someone new. Going back and working things out may not work if you can't leave the past alone. 


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with lifeistooshort's post.

Apparently she told you all along of issues that she had. Your response that she did not tell you in a way that got your attention is just nonsense. This is an important lesson. When your partner/spouse tells you something, you pay attention. You work together to fix it.

I think she's done. This is how a woman acts when she's done. It's like a light switch is turned off. Done.

Before you get into another relationship, there are some books that you ought to read to learn more about how to be a good partner/husband. The books also talk about what you can expect from a partner/wife and how to structure a healthy relationship. The books are:

"Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs"


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## ctb09 (Sep 11, 2016)

lifeistooshort...Very interesting perspective that I have not thought about. Thank you for that. Maybe to an extent I did do that and just never realized it unfortunately. I always thought I looked at her as an equal. But I think with respect to finances I did not. She even always said that she didn't understand them herself and I would often create budgets to show her but I should have done better with that as far as trying to teach her and ask her opinion more. I definitely have to really think about this more. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I am going to mention it to my therapist. I do love her though. She is a warm and caring person and is very giving. She is also a very intelligent women and hard working. She is great with kids as well (she's a teacher). I do get why she got fed up, I just am trying to figure out if the relationship is over. I guess I never realized to what extent it bothered her as she was generally always very easy going and didn't really seem to care when I made a decision. I definitely think I should have been more focused on sharing the decision-making in the relationship. I just didn't realize what I was doing until the very end unfortunately and that goes to what EleGirl wrote. I can't explain why I didn't hear. Maybe it was my stubbornness. It was not until she sat me down and said "I do not know how to communicate with you" that I woke up and realized my faults. I honestly thought until all this went down we were going great. We always had great times together and she always seemed very happy to be with me. I thought we complimented each other very well as did our friends and families. Everyone was surprised. 

The reason people were upset with her was because she went to her ex and was talking to him so much. I may have pushed her to that point unfortunately. I don't have a right to tell her who to talk to, I guess I just would have thought she would have spoken with people that know us both. 

Prodigal..I am a personal injury and criminal attorney. 

Thank you all for your input. It is difficult to hear but I need to make certain i am prepared for my next relationship (which I pray will be with my ex-fiance, but from what you all believe, that does not seem likely unfortunately.)


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Let her go. For whatever reason, she is not "the one". And we don't always get to understand other people's reasons. 

Just know that it did not work. Take some time alone for introspection. Think about the things that she said she was trying to tell you. Maybe there is some truth to it. Maybe she wasn't effective at communicating her issues with you, or maybe you sucked at listening. It's a common complaint.... 

But it might be worth your time to consider those issues so you can do your best not to repeat them in the future. 

Learn from this. 

And....since she is talking so much to her ex and asked you for 60 days worth of space....I think you are Plan B, which sucks. Don't be Plan B. Ever.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

You two were not ready for marriage and its good you two addressed them before you married. One difficulty is that as a lawyer you may argue better and therefore assume that because you won the argument, you were right but her feelings and perceptions remained. One basic problem in this relationship is the age gap. One suspects she is cute but not particularly mature, and you have to evaluate whether that is the basis to choose a wife rather than a bed partner. The majority of people here perceive that she thinks it is over. This relationship may not be for you though I am not going to join the general criticism; had you met a bright assertive lawyer around your age, some of these might not be present. 

Nonetheless if you feel despite all this, age, intelligence gap, her belief it's over, that you she is your partner, that's your call. You can continue to try to get her back and if you do, you can acknowledge some of the things this group mentioned.


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## ctb09 (Sep 11, 2016)

Thank you. She did not say to give her 60 days though. That's what a mutual friend suggested. She said just give her some space, maybe about 60 days. The mutual friend also said that she did not seem done with communicating with me. She just doesn't know what the future holds. When we were on good terms that weekend before my jealousy erupted after seeing the 2 hour phone call and having to see if she was with the ex, we were still talking and she said lets see how therapy goes (as I promised I would go which I did that Monday and have been continuing to go to work on my faults). I know I have faults and am trying to work on those. I am going to read those books as well that were suggested. Already got them on Amazon. I would love to have the opportunity to work on the relationship with her but as everyone is saying she may very well be done. Maybe she just didn't want to end my hope at the time we broke up. I did ask her not to string me along and she never gave me a flat out no other than after everything erupted at the end.

I am still going to send the letter sometime in the next couple weeks since I figured I have nothing to lose. I want her to know that I am addressing my issues for myself and hopefully will be a better partner to her in the future if she decides that she wants to work on things. 

Thank you all for your advice. I definitely would love more if anyone has any other perspectives.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Yeah, you both have maturity issues.

Yours involves listening to her concerns and working on having a controlling nature.

Hers are trying not to involve herself with her ex boyfriend while she is engaged to another man. I don't see how there is not an affair happening, OP.

My question to you is why you would want to salvage a relationship that, at its core, has compatibility issues, combined with a lack of maturity from both of you, with an extra helping of infidelity from her?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I also think she is too immature and you are very inexperienced with communication and compromise. 

Others may disagree but I am pretty confident your ex was cheating with that guy. You don't spend hours on the phone with an ex and you certainly don't go to their house. She has very poor boundaries. 

Consider this a blessing and a dodged bullet. I'd recommend you take time to heal from this and fix your picker.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ctb09 said:


> Thank you. She did not say to give her 60 days though. That's what a mutual friend suggested. She said just give her some space, maybe about 60 days. The mutual friend also said that she did not seem done with communicating with me. She just doesn't know what the future holds. When we were on good terms that weekend before my jealousy erupted after seeing the 2 hour phone call and having to see if she was with the ex, we were still talking and she said lets see how therapy goes (as I promised I would go which I did that Monday and have been continuing to go to work on my faults). I know I have faults and am trying to work on those. I am going to read those books as well that were suggested. Already got them on Amazon. I would love to have the opportunity to work on the relationship with her but as everyone is saying she may very well be done. Maybe she just didn't want to end my hope at the time we broke up. I did ask her not to string me along and she never gave me a flat out no other than after everything erupted at the end.
> 
> I am still going to send the letter sometime in the next couple weeks since I figured I have nothing to lose. I want her to know that I am addressing my issues for myself and hopefully will be a better partner to her in the future if she decides that she wants to work on things.
> 
> Thank you all for your advice. I definitely would love more if anyone has any other perspectives.


You are not wrong for being upset with her for being on her phone with her ex for 2 hours. To me it sounds like at least an emotional affair was/is starting up.

As some have said, you both seem to have some maturity issues. 

You cannot do anything about hers. At this point, I'm not sure why you would want to continue a relationship with a woman who is getting involved with another guy. 

You are not married. Cut your losses at this point.

You own your own issues which you brought up. It's time now for you to look at yourself honestly and work to be the best you can be. Your next relationship will benefit.

If, by some slim chance, the two of you get together again, both of you will benefit from you becoming the best you. And if you do get back together, the both of you need to read those books I suggested and you both need to be in pre-marriage couples counseling... TOGETHER.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

OP, I wouldn't be so sure about the not cheating part. Cheating doesn't have to be physical, it can be emotional alone and it is still cheating. From your post it sounds like things started blowing up in the relationship once she started talking more with her ex. This can't just be coincidence.


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

If I were not romantically interested in another man, my car wouldn't be at his home early in the morning while I'm going through a breakup ad serious as this. I'm in the midst of leaving and it's essentially for the same reasons of not being heard, him treating me as if my opinions didn't matter, feeling "less than" etc. But I do love him. I know he had no intentions of treating me the way he did. The problem is that he never heard me when I tried to express myself and it just began eroding. I smiled to keep the peace; so I wouldn't put myself in a position to be belittled. You don't have to curse or slap a woman to make her feel belittled. But, there's no way in the world I can imagine confiding in another man and sleeping over at his home. She didn't take him bagels and coffee so they could "catch up", in my opinion.

My BF is now in your shoes. The pleas make me feel like he just needs instant gratification of having me back. He's never listened before and now - now he wants to listen? He wants to listen for him, because he's hurting. But what about while was hurting? Do I trust him?Again, just my prospective.

The difference I suppose is he and I are still living together. She is gone. I wouldn't send the letter. Ever. You said you have mutual friends and I'll guarantee they will update her on your progress as you analyze your weaknesses and work to improve them. If she feels the way I do, your friends will see a a change in you as well, because I'm sure you've made them feel similar on occasion. 

So, you've told her what you're willing to do to win her back and your actions will prove it, which may spark some trust. She may contact you. 

But if she does, there's that thing with the guy. Do you want to be with someone that could've ended things a bit more maturely and ran straight to another guy? 

You sound very sincere and genuine and I truly hope things work out for the best for you!

I'm going to focus on the only thing I know I can control. Me, and my issues. I agree with the poster that recommended you work on yourself. See what happens. This may be a blessing in disguise. 

Best of luck!


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Stayed the night at exbf house and didn't do anything. Yea right. Drop her now. NO contact. 

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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

This sounds a bit like a past relationship of mine. The age gap was much greater. He was 21 years older. We had similar issues. It annoyed the **** out of me that he would act so surprised about stuff that I had been saying for years. He came across as a father figure; always wanting to make the decisions, scolding when I didn't do things in the most professional and efficient way, having a rigid set of guidelines for getting things done. My carefree nature, the very thing that attracted him to me the most, was also drove him nuts. I think the mistakes I made when i felt it had gotten to a point where he could not understand how he came across were a response to this fatherly dynamic. I stopped caring and acted out, i basically acted like a child.

This in no way justifies the errors i made or hers but this may help explain what happens behind the scenes. I agree that she sounds like she's done. I would not send the letter, my ex did the same and i remember rolling my eyes. It was just another reminder of his "older" way of doing things. If her ex is closer in age to her, that's part of the reason she's running there. I also got with someone my own age immediately after. Someone who wouldn't act like "daddy". 

If it's any consolation, while she may not come back, she'll miss your ways as time goes on. I miss the organization, the guidance, not having to worry about the serious decisions, the planning that always made thing run smoothly, the ability to communicate effectively in a professional setting, the comfort of knowing he would always figure out a way to make things work. Few guys her age will be able to offer that.
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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Her talking to the ex is ridiculous and shows she isn't ready to be married.

My hb is 19 years older so I understand a bit about age differences. I'm of the opinion that a parent child dynamic will naturally occur if the younger partner isn't a strong personality.

My hb was like that in our earlier years...I had to put a stop to it. He still gets a daddy air about him on occasion but I stomp that out, but I honestly don't think most women are capable of it....I'm a type A steamroller personality.

Age differences are also worse the younger the younger person. 8 years isn't that big after a certain point but 25 is iffy.....once the younger partner is in their 30's it's much better. Why weren't you married at 25? Probably because you weren't ready....

So the combination of you being a little controlling and your need to be right and her being not quite ready to be married gets you to where you are right now.

I don't think your odds are good here. She's not ready. 

But I think there's growth potential for you too in learning to listen and not argue. Even if everything else was peachy she'd be right to end things for that. The inability to listen and to dismiss a partner's complaints is a quality that doesn't improve and will cause a lot of problems later.

You think you shocked now? Imagine you're 10 years in with kids and your wife walks because she's tried for years to get you to listen and you knew that but in your opinion it wasn't that bad.

This is pretty common. Just read threads here where guys are blindsided when their wife walks. So many admit she told him she was unhappy but they didn't think it was a big deal. 

If it matters to your partner it should matter to you. 

Learn this lesson now.
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## ctb09 (Sep 11, 2016)

Thank you. I have been reading His Needs, Her Needs since last night and it is definitely a great insight. I know everyone thinks this relationship is over but I have to give it one shot with the letter and show her what I have been doing to improve and that I realize I made errors. Not now but in several weeks. I am definitely seeing my faults much more. Something just tells me in my gut that she was being honest when she looked me in the eyes and said she had no feelings for her ex and that she wasn't closing the door on us. Why she was talking to him for those two hours that night I may never know but I have to try and forgive and maybe I'll learn down the road. I am sure she has her faults that she has to work on but hopefully after I work my on my faults, and we are ever able to reconnect, we will have a stronger emotional connection to each other. For me, this woman is truly worth fighting for.

Thanks to all for your help. It's much appreciated.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

ctb09 said:


> Thank you. I have been reading His Needs, Her Needs since last night and it is definitely a great insight. I know everyone thinks this relationship is over but I have to give it one shot with the letter and show her what I have been doing to improve and that I realize I made errors. Not now but in several weeks. I am definitely seeing my faults much more. Something just tells me in my gut that she was being honest when she looked me in the eyes and said she had no feelings for her ex and that she wasn't closing the door on us. Why she was talking to him for those two hours that night I may never know but I have to try and forgive and maybe I'll learn down the road. I am sure she has her faults that she has to work on but hopefully after I work my on my faults, and we are ever able to reconnect, we will have a stronger emotional connection to each other. For me, this woman is truly worth fighting for.
> 
> Thanks to all for your help. It's much appreciated.


Has the letter idea EVER worked? It makes you look weak. 

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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Don't send a letter, just make your improvements 100% FOR YOU. 

If she likes the changes, you'll know it. Never prompt your planned success, they'll just fall flat, especially with a woman that doesn't have an already strong respect for you.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

Between the letters and emails and the fact that she has outright stated she doesn't know how to communicate with you and that she says she told you about the issues in the relationship and you didn't understand that was what she was saying leads me to this:

You have serous personal communication problems. Work on your listening skills immediately.
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## silex (Sep 13, 2016)

Don't send the letter, it won't do any good as long as she's still involved with her exboyfriend who really isn't an ex if she's spending the night with him.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OP, just wondering what you think happened when you went to his house and saw her car there early on Monday morning ?

First of all, was it that early that she probably had spent the night there? Or was it not that early so she could have come round on Monday morning (after a night of pondering and maybe discussing stuff with him)?

Has she ever spent a night at any friend's house that was a last minute decision ?

Has she been going to his house at all leading up to this ? Would you even know if she did ?

Do you think he wants in her pants (you have already said that you believe her when she says she has no feelings for him) ? And remember not having feelings for him does not mean she didn't sleep with him.

Just wondering what your thoughts and gut feel is ?


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

OP You are completely serious that you think she didn't sleep with him.? I hope you're not that naïve, because that's exactly what happened OK. Forget about her completely get her out of your life. She has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever. She's laughing at you with him guaranteed. By the way when a girls is over at a guys house that she talk to for hours on the phone oh and that is her ex. You can pretty much count on it they had sex. She's a cheater and cheaters lie. Dude good luck


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

ctb09 said:


> She lied to me one the phone.
> 
> *She's a liar. Judge her on her actions, not her words.*
> 
> ...


OP, I knew a girl once who constantly went on about how foul lies and cheating were. She was the foulest lying cheat I've ever met.

*Judge her on her actions, not her words.*

We all have to learn, mate. She's rancid. Move on ASAP and no more love letters.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

ctb09 said:


> Something just tells me in my gut that she was being honest when she looked me in the eyes and said she had no feelings for her ex.
> 
> *And then she went on to sleep at his house.*


See post above.

I think you're getting a rough deal here, OP. I agree you need to work on yourself, most importantly don't be so naive. But some of the comments are piling it all on you for being 'controlling'. Oh, please.

Assuming you've given both sides of the story and especially, haven't lied to her, you'll always be superior and she'll always be a liar.

Do you think she'll miraculously 'not' lie in her next relationship? And her next one? And the one after that?


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

If you send that letter, I will reach through the internet and smack you. That's weak, that's needy, and that reeks of insecurity. You two are not compatible. Go to therapy and work on improving yourself for your next partner. For a lawyer who communicates for a living, you're terrible at it. 

She has lied to you. She has spent many hours talking to her ex. Why would she talk to him so much if he treated her so badly? A woman who's about to get married wouldn't talk to her ex at all, especially one who treated her badly. They're exes for a reason. Then she spends the night at his place? Let me clue you in: she doesn't respect you. It doesn't matter that she kicked out a friend because that friend had an emotional affair, because what she's been doing is at the VERY LEAST an emotional affair. Why was she at her ex's apartment if all she wanted to do was talk? They've been talking by phone for weeks, so why meet in person? Do you honestly think sending her that letter would magically garner you some respect? You're delusional if you think so. This isn't some Hollywood romantic movies where the couple gets back together after some heartfelt pleas via a love letter; this is real life and often times two people are just not compatible.

I'll guarantee you that if she chooses her Plan B and takes you back and the two of you get married; that marriage will end in divorce. She doesn't have strong boundaries at all.


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