# Looking for smoker's & non-smoker's input



## RPosie

I guess I don't know where to turn but here...to people who I don't know and can give me unbiased feedback.

My husband and I used to occasionally smoke (don't judge). I stopped, he said he was going to cut back. He did...but then felt he had the ability and desire to binge, if you will, even though he knew my feelings towards it (not good - felt I was being dismissed and my feelings/wishes were being dis-respected). I had some serious things that I went through and am determined on becoming a healthier person, in multiple aspects. He claims he supports that, knows how much his smoking bothers me after he promised to stop. Been thru MC about it, in a way I feel bad because I never discouraged it before, I mean heck, I did it too! 

But now it's beyond disgusting to me. Now just the thought that he wants to do it makes me say, he likes this more than me. He really enjoys it, and no matter what I say or do it's going to most likely continue, isn't it?


----------



## Runs like Dog

What's the question. My wife smokes. Outside the house (90% of the time). I quit >25 years ago. She actually nagged ME to quit, not the other way around. Nicotine is one of the top 3 addictive substances. Even with prescription aids the success rate is a little better than half. 

On the other hand what does a carton cost now? $55. That really adds up. Maybe you can spin it as a money thing. 

In the end no one quits unless they want to quit. Your displeasure has zilch to do with it.


----------



## magnoliagal

Yes its going to continue whether you like it or not.


----------



## unbelievable

You stopped when YOU were ready. If he stops, it will be when he's ready. There are worse things that could be in his mouth.


----------



## 4sure

YES.


----------



## madimoff

Yes he will. Does he ever say he wants to stop? If he does, get a copy of Allen Carr's EasyWay to Stop Smoking. Even if he doesn't stop, he might get a handle on all the ways he allows himself to be conned to continue.


----------



## rider03

'Nuf said. :iagree: with all of the above.

(ex smoker; 5 years)


----------



## madimoff

Forgot to mention: ex smoker, 25 years !!!!


----------



## RPosie

Thanks all for the replies. Would it change anything if I said it's not cigs?


----------



## nader

I have_mostly_ quit smoking due to being a new father and the usual health concerns. I've cut back to only smoking in certain situations; it is not ideal, but much, much better than before.

It is really, really really hard to quit. The problem for me is I have never been able to stop enjoying it. The taste, feel, association with drinking and other fun things.

No matter what you say or do, he will only quit when HE figures out he wants to do it, for himself.


----------



## magnoliagal

RPosie said:


> Thanks all for the replies. Would it change anything if I said it's not cigs?


You mean something illegal like pot?

For me that would be a dealbreaker but so would smoking cigs, excessive drinking, dipping, or any other drug. My husband however was made aware of my feelings on this before we got married. I'm a health nut so these things are unacceptable to me. It's just not a life I want to be a part of.


----------



## nader

RPosie said:


> Thanks all for the replies. Would it change anything if I said it's not cigs?


pot is definitely a different story - but not that different. It just depends on what you are willing to put up with. It is probably frustrating to him that you were ok with it once upon a time - because he married someone who was ok with it, and it was something you shared in common - and now want him to stop.

Is it interfering with his ability to function, hold down a job, etc? Does you have kids? Is he just going out and doing it with friends once in awhile, or is it a regular/habitual thing?

FTR, both I and my wife have indulged our fair share in the past. I might have a little toke once in a blue moon, but NEVER EVER EVER around our son. It's never even been up for discussion. it is just too scary to worry about doing something stupid or dangerous at home, and not to mention expensive, and illegal.


----------



## Mrs.G

RPosie said:


> Thanks all for the replies. Would it change anything if I said it's not cigs?


Not for me, lovey! As long as it isn't crack or meth....smoking weed can be addictive. I should know; I have struggled with being a pothead since I was 23.

I use it to forget traumatic memories. I wish that someone had given me a spliff instead of anti depressants when I was 17. Weed can actually be helpful for certain conditions...one of my dear friends who passed away from AIDS had a medical marijuana certificate, to help him eat.

In Canada, weed is technically illegal, yet decriminalized. If one is caught with a gram or less, the stoner will just get a ticket. The police usually just take it away and blaze it themselves. Law enforcement wants the kingpins and grow up owners...they have no time for someone smoking a "ting", as black Torontonians call a joint.

People only quit when they are ready. I am not ready to quit, because I enjoy it too much and it blots out all that horrible trauma. For example, I can barely remember being raped. I know it happened, but I can no longer recall specifics. 

I can also no longer remember how I felt the day my mother gave me a concussion for not washing the dishes fast enough. I cannot recall the physical pain, the anger, the confusion and the sadness.

It is not healthy to use substances to mask pain. I am well aware of this, but it does not stop me. I am still able to adhere to all of my responsibilities at work as well as at home. 

I don't agree with all that "gateway drug" propaganda...know too many people that smoke dope and do nothing harder than that. I have a Jamaican background, which is also part of the reason I am accepting about weed. For God's sakes, Jamaica was where the Rastafarian movement began. Rastas believe that smoking brings them closer to God. They only believe in smoking natural grown weed, not hydro. What they smoke is called "cess".

I feel like a weed professor. :rofl:

People on TAM are largely conservative, in more ways than one. You will NOT find a lot of understanding here for activities that are less than perfect, such as having multiple sexual partners before marriage or smoking dope.


----------



## Runs like Dog

oooohhhhh I get it. He blazes up all day and night and day. Yeah I have less than zero patience for that. Every stoner I've met has told me about their 'recreational' bubbling as they fire it up nonstop until they run out of weed and have to get more.


----------



## nader

Runs like Dog said:


> oooohhhhh I get it. He blazes up all day and night and day. Yeah I have less than zero patience for that. Every stoner I've met has told me about their 'recreational' bubbling as they fire it up nonstop until they run out of weed and have to get more.


Wait, that's not true! Well, yeah... yeah it is.


----------



## unbelievable

Luckily, since you're concerned about your husband's health, studies show that a man who ejaculates at least 21 times monthly reduces his risk of prostate cancer by 1/3. That's something you can help him with and I'm confident he would faithfully maintain the prevention program.


----------



## Runs like Dog

Cheetos is a color.


----------



## RPosie

Again, thanks for all the responses. Interesting the difference in responses I got when I posed the question as if things would be different if it weren't cigs.... (I'm not trying to start any arguments or philosophical/moral debates, I'm truly just curious...)

So, for the sake of discussion - what really is the difference between the two forms of smoking. Nicotine is a drug just as weed is a drug, it just so happens one is illegal in many parts of the world. I'll go a step further - sugar is a drug. Obviously there are varying degrees and classifications, but I try to wrap my head around where multiple opinions come from. Anyone care to delve further?


----------



## magnoliagal

Nicotine is a drug but it won't land you in jail if you get caught smoking or buying it. To me big distinction between weed and cigs.


----------



## Runs like Dog

To be honest, 6 1 half dozen the other, as far as tolerating something in a marriage is concerned. What angers you, angers you. But if what angers you is essentially what your spouse does to themself there's not a lot you can or even should do. 

Like I said my wife smokes. But it doesn't bother me. We both had cancer, she still does it. She knows what's up. The smell, oh well it's not the worst thing in the world. 

If she was stoner I'd say the same thing. Please don't blaze up in the house if you can help it. I don't do it, I don't really care of you do. You're a big girl. 

I'll admit the money thing does and would annoy me. It's not a bank breaker but it irritates me to listen to someone whine about money day in and day out, who does not has not will never get a job you could put a gun to her head so help me god. What's an oz of kush now? $450? Better make it laaaaaast hon.


----------



## Mrs.G

I am employed, so I cannot be stoned while I am working. I smoke one spliff before bed, admittedly every day. My use increases if I stressed.

My husband does not pay for my weed; why in the world would I expect him to finance *my *habit? That would be unfair. 

He lets me smoke in the house, because there are people who live in our complex, who like to call the cops on blacks smoking dope outside.  The white people who live here can blaze without any yelling or threats....so sad. 

Some b***h tried to pull that shxt on me once...she put the phone on speaker and the cop said: "Get a life and leave the woman alone. She is not smoking in your apartment or even in your building!! We have murders to deal with; WE DO NOT HAVE FCUKING TIME FOR PEOPLE SMOKING DOPE OUTSIDE!! DO NOT CALL US FOR BULLSHXT LIKE THIS AGAIN!!!":rofl: Toronto police do not like having their time wasted. 

I never grab a whole oz, so I don't know what it would cost. At most, I might grab 3 grams ($30) which lasts me 7-10 days. Magnoliagal, nobody goes to jail in Ontario just because they are smoking a joint. 

The most addictive drugs are nicotine and caffeine. Chris Rock said it best: "Starbucks is selling crack! Everyone is a caffeine fiend!" :smthumbup: 

I hate the taste of cigarettes and I drink a cappucino about 3 times a year. I am a lightweight when it comes to liquor, so I rarely drink. If I do indulge in the sauce, it is no more than 2 drinks. Anything more and I start slurring my speech and singing, as well as talking loudly. :rofl:


----------



## Runs like Dog

Don't even talk to me before my morning black quad espresso. 

But to be fair, when I was in the nut hutch we all smoked, heavily. Mental patients smoke a LOT. Especially the schizophrenics. If that's one of those things they took away like in prisons then they're going to have some heavily doped up chattering maniacs smearing feces on the walls. 

Hey I don't do illegal drugs, don't drink, gamble, spend like mad, chase skirt (or pants!) or use tobacco. If you take away my espresso machine I will hurt you. I am a caffeine junkie. I get cluster headaches if don't get it. My only other vice is I drive way too fast.


----------



## 4sure

Makes no difference if it's pot or cigs. If he enjoys it he will continue to smoke.


----------

