# My fiancé and Facebook Cheating attempt



## Almonds (Feb 7, 2014)

Actually, my (ex) fiancé and I were trying to move forward after our split in October 2013. We have a baby who is now 8 months old. Facebook has always been a problem for us. While I was pregnant, I was not "allowed" to have a FB account. Its a long story, but I was ok with it because it just made my life with him so much more simpler. I loved him so much, and I didn't want to upset him in any way. As time passed, I noticed he would get up at crazy early morning hours to go to the back bedroom and work out with his computer playing music. I had a gut feeling.... so later in my pregnancy I checked his account and although I cannot see his page completely, I could see that he kept "liking" raunchy webpages.... almost naked women...big butts and so forth. This hurt me so bad. I even found that on one of the pages he was telling two girls that he loved them and they we beautiful. Needless to say....I could not hide my extreme sadness over my discovery. He came home from work, furious at me. Said it was just stupid FB. But he would not delete his account, and this cycle continued throughout my pregnancy. ~Now I will skip ahead to 3 months after our son was born. I told him it was FB or I was leaving. He let me leave. The next day, I can begged him to let me back in his life.. He did. Then 3 weeks later, we were at it again over his FB crap. He would not delete account, would not let me see it and said if I had an account, we could not be together anymore. After he threw a couple of things at me, I left to see my father. When I returned, he had locked me and our baby out. 5 days later, he moved... with our stuff. 
Now our son is 8 months old. Karma kicked my ex's butt bad with a terrible illness. An undiagnosed illness. No one was there to help him. After he lost 40lbs and looked like he was dying, I stepped back into his life to help him. Took him to the hospital twice...bought him food because he lost his job due to illness. We spent the last two days together as he is slowly getting better. It was awesome. So in love, we are...but our past haunts us. (There is A LOT I had to leave out) We both have fb accounts but are not friends. He has me blocked. So, last night, I was snooping...because I had this crazy gut feeling... and I found a picture that he had commented on the day before we had our baby. He told this girl "Beautiful eyes baby girl" and "We need to get together and have some fun" she told him that he should go to her Bday party, it was gonna be a blast. He responded asking where it was going to be at. 

I was shaking mad...hurt...I mean, I was truly considering being with him again. I love him. He has hurt me so much, but I have a crazy love for him. I sent him an email....with a copy of his statements to her.... and he is mad at me. He has called me so many names, says I am a liar, trash and that he can't believe I did this.

I have "gotten over" a lot of his crap, but after our baby was born...it took him forever to come back and he didn't even stay the night with me. I had a c-section so I was there in the hospital for 3 days.

He makes me sound like I am the one who has messed everything up. And messed things up for our son. As I type this down (leaving so much out) I realize how crazy this sounds for me to still love him. I am going to do my best to cut him off for a while. Eventually he is going to want to talk again. I confuse myself! I know I am in an insane cycle with him. Help me see the light.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Spend 110% of your time taking care of your son. If you are having problems with your ex over nonsense like Facebook accounts, in addition to "whatever stuff you left out", then by no means build a relationship with this guy. Make sure he pays child support. 

When the baby is older, date. You have no time for that now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

The "light" is that when your baby gets older, you will be able to find someone who appreciates you and your child. Until then, tell this loser goodbye.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MissFroggie (Sep 3, 2013)

Get off facebook, get a D and get on with being a mum.


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## Almonds (Feb 7, 2014)

What is a "D"


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Divorce and do it as soon as possible.

Do not live your life like this. He does not respect you.


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## Almonds (Feb 7, 2014)

I have completely blocked him and plan to find an inner strength to pull through this horrible time. I am not interested in men. I still love him even though he is a horrible man. I cannot explain it.

I just want to know that I did everything I could to give him a chance to be in his child's life. Clearly this is not going to happen. 

Thanks for the comments/suggestions. As I was writing this all seemed to get a bit clearer for me. I have no idea why I put up with so much for so long.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Go see an IC to find out why you put up with it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Never let him know you love him that much.

Smile wish him the best and show him how confident you are in letting him go.

Fake it until you can make it cuz if he sees some weak chick he will phuck you over.

The plan here is getting him to think twice. Making him second guess the fact that the women he is with can and will let him go.

My experience tells me that he figures you ain't going any were and with out consequences bad behavior will continue.

Laugh at his sorry @ss and ask him were he wants his stuff sent. The thing here is not trying to compete but to command respect and get him to second guess his choices.

It's funny how people want what they can't have and now that the cheating is no longer taboo and an exciting secret it will lose it momentum and on e he sees he can't have the best of both worlds he now has to think with brain and not his penis.make this sh!t real for b and the sooner he faces consequences that soon he thinks twice and starts to second guess his dumb @ss
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almonds (Feb 7, 2014)

We no longer live together. He kept sending me horribly insulting emails so I blocked him last night. He knows my home phone number so he could contact me if he really wanted. Just curious if this is appropriate to block him since we have a baby together.


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## Rubicon (Jan 13, 2014)

You need to get the big baby out of your life for good. it's hard enough to raise one child let alone two.

This cretin seems to do nothing but hurt you. He can have a FB account but you can't? What kind of nonsense is that, tell him to stop being such a child. And You, well, start being an adult. Adults don't let children tell them what they can and can't do.

You are a parent so you no longer have the luxury of being a child yourself. For the sake of your child, you need to be a parent first, not some teenage bimbo who needs her boyfriend to tell her what she can and cannot do.

Forget him, Change your phone number now, he's a worthless loser and you need to focus on your child. Unless you want this to be your future you better make sure he's out of your life for good. You do no good for your child letting him/her see you get berated by this stupid sperm donor. Cutting him out of both your lives is about the best thing you can do for yourself and your child.

But that's just my opinion.......


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## daveca (Jan 14, 2014)

Sounds like you're both on an ego trip. You leave. He leaves. And I'm sure there's a LOT more to this story.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is very painful when the person we love with all our heart dismiss our feelings. 

He probably sees nothing wrong with his behavior, he probably does love you, he probably thinks you are a crazy jealous woman, but nothing of this matters because you are entitle to your feelings.

You feel he is disrespecting your relationship, whether your feelings are real or imagined he should have stepped up and reassured you of his love. If that meant deleting his FB account, then he should have done it.

Do not try to analyze his behavior, do not try to excuse it. SOme people just do not realize actions destroy an union. 

Keep moving on, I know it is hard, but you will do it.

Perhaps it would help if you tell us all of the story. 

Good luck to you


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

He sounds very childish and it is rubbing off on you. Dump him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

From everything you describe about this man, you are lucky that you didn't marry him. He's a cheater and a loser.

In order to forget about him you have to detach first. Implement the 180 to do that (google it). Don't communicate with him unless it's to talk about your child. Stay busy, take care of your baby and start having some fun on your own.

File for child support and move on with your life.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Is it possible to get outside help to actually establish what you are expecting and what he is responsible to do from this point forward, him behaving childishly is one thing but you do not have to return the favor you know!

You also have to sit and think about why this happened?

Why did it?

A lot of folk here will say "ditch him and move on", good advice with him cheating and all, but that does not seek to find the root cause of what broke down in your relationship does it?

You have a child together, you have to both work on being parents, not you alone, but "you" have to be willing to let him be a parent too.

By finding out what went wrong you can see for yourself whether or not there is a chance of moving forward and (R) Reconciling with him.

You both need to grow up and be adults and behave like adults, you need to own any mistakes you made but he needs to do the same!!


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I disagree with the above in this situation. This is not 2 healthy mature adults. He is a toddler...though worse. From the things he has demanded and done I would suggest he is beyond help or reason. 

You Almonds, are in a position where you have had an abusive and controlling partner. And you haven't seen it for what it is because in that weird way that people do who accept and make excuses for abusive partners, you still have love for him after he has treated you like sh*t. Therefore, you must have very little respect for yourself, and very little confidence in your self, your opinions, your feelings. 

Fight the urge and stay away. And do what you can to improve you.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

There are several good reads on why women stay in abusive relationships and/or keep coming back to men that treat them poorly.

I could give you example after example of folks I have worked with over the years that just could not leave their monster bady daddy alone.

But you need to keep away from this guy. I don't care what you left out in your story. 

You stay away from this man.

Get child support and leave this guy alone.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Almonds said:


> I was shaking mad...hurt...I mean, I was truly considering being with him again. I love him. He has hurt me so much, but I have a crazy love for him.


Ok, I just have to say this, but what is it about these bad boy cheating types that have women slobbering all over them?

Is it his looks? Well endowed? Because it sure isn't his personality or character.

Please believe me when this isn't a slam of you, but what is it?

When a woman I feel I am in love with cheats on me, she no longer becomes the woman I fell in love with. For me to love such a woman would be for the wrong reasons, because obviously her character is lacking. For fek's sake, he got caught and he is the angry one? Throwing things at you, locking you and your child out?? What am I missing here?

Now I'm not talking about everyone that cheats, but your fiancé seems to feel entitled and unapologetic.

Again, not slamming you here, but you need to wake up and see that you deserve SO MUCH better than an azzhole like this. Get out of there, take his azz to court and get support for your child.


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## Almonds (Feb 7, 2014)

Thanks for all the advice. I have not had contact with him in 24 hours. That may sound silly, but the longest we have ever gone without communicating is 3 days. I am determined to MOVE ON. He will never change, and I cannot continue to regress with him. I have blocked his email and deleted my FB account. 

His childish ways did rub off on me, and I am fighting so hard to "grow up" and deal with this in best manner for our son. I am a better & stronger woman when I am not entangle in his physical, mental & verbal abuse. If he really wants to see his son, he can call the house phone and go from there. 

I posted here for advice because I know how messed up my thinking has been and I have no one I can talk to. So, I appreciate those who really are here to give advise and not just here to throw words around with no positive purpose. Thanks again... each day will get better. Sunday... we (my son and I) are headed to church for the first time!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MissFroggie said:


> Get off facebook, get a D and get on with being a mum.





> Actually, my (ex) fiancé


They're not married.


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## Almonds (Feb 7, 2014)

Just to respond... We knew each other in middle school, he was always attractive then, and he is a very gorgeous man in every way. He was very charming and had my whole family fooled.
He is so sensitive, always thinking about me, telling me he loved me, runs my bath water, makes me dinner, opens my car door, always makes sure he buys me something simple to show he cares, always had to cuddle, amazing in private ways, always told me I was beautiful, always knew when I needed to talk, Always in tuned with me. But when I did something that he didn't like.... like talk to my family, he would be the opposite. 
After he physically hurts me, he is over loving and apologetic. My family eventually said that If I stayed with him that I need not ever come home to them. So eventually I felt trapped, but in a crazy way, I loved him although he had such an evil side. I had a DUI 3 years ago and never completed the class to get my DL so I could not drive. I have a masters degree in education and wanted to work, but he did not want that. I lived to try and make him happy. But I was slowly making him angry by feeling so isolated.

I know it sound horrible. It's like a traumatic bond. No one understands it... but it is real and I am fighting to break it.


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## Almonds (Feb 7, 2014)

If he calls and wants to see his son, I am open to that. I am not denying him his baby. I am going to church with his oldest sister (he is the youngest of 13). She said he will never change, as he has done this with other women. He is 44.


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## Almonds (Feb 7, 2014)

Since we have a baby, should I have blocked his email? He was being so nasty to me and I could not stand to read anymore. Any thoughts?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

You did the right thing. People had and raised babies either together or apart from one another long before the advent of e-mail.


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## MissFroggie (Sep 3, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> They're not married.


I realised this further down! Thanks for pointing it out  



Almonds said:


> Since we have a baby, should I have blocked his email? He was being so nasty to me and I could not stand to read anymore. Any thoughts?


Yes, he is using it to be abusive! He still knows where you are and has your home phone number so you're not just disappearing on him. Keep the emails though - you might need them later if he decides to get nasty. If there are any threats in them you can show them to the police too if you're worried about anything like that happening. Keep records of stuff so you know dates etc when things happened - hopefully you won't need it but if you do you'll find it very useful. Good on you for getting out of it, you and your baby deserve to be treated better x


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

No, you absolutely block his abusive behaviour. Block it at every turn. And stand up for yourself to him. Do not back down to him regarding his abuse or his control, you have been doing that far too long.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> *After he physically hurts me*


*ALL BETS ARE OFF! PLEASE LEAVE HIM. NOW!!!!!*


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> *ALL BETS ARE OFF! PLEASE LEAVE HIM. NOW!!!!!*


Matt, there are two sides of every story.

I am certainly not condoning the physical abuse but need a lot more info as to why he was aggressive towards you?

Drinking? Drugs? You baiting him and also being aggressive in return?

Please fill in some blanks and tell an objective story of an occurance of violence, I do not know a single person who is violent without cause or reason.

These things are never so clear cut when you throw domestic violence into things, it is not about affairs and infidelities it about the root cause of the problems that have lead to this situation, you need to understand the reasons too and learn from this not to make possible mistakes in the future, he is very wrong and needs a whooping for laying his hands on a woman but I certainly know women who happily bait their spouses and then shout about getting a slap for getting out of hand.

Please tell us more.


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## MissFroggie (Sep 3, 2013)

wranglerman said:


> Matt, there are two sides of every story.
> 
> I am certainly not condoning the physical abuse but need a lot more info as to *why he was aggressive towards you?*
> 
> ...


I disagree because of my experiences. I don't think at this stage it is important to know why there is DV and whether it was 100% his fault or whether it was 100% hers doesn't change that it is an abusive relationship and separating is the way forwards. After separation then you can look at the whys etc and decide if there can be healing and R, but not from within that environment.

I am glad you have not had the experience of knowing anyone who has been violent without cause - it's nice to know there are lives being led out there where this has not been witnessed  However, I have witnessed it many times - both with my relationships but also with people I know too - male and female, for no reason get violent with their partner. I mean, no reason as in there is no trigger - obviously they have some 'reason' within them, but you can't always find out what it is and it's not your job to work it out, especially not if that means continuing to be their punching bag.

If someone is being violent towards you, get out.
If you are being violent towards someone else, get out.

Both scenarios require getting out and then working it out and healing. Neither scenario needs the relationship to be resumed at any time later.


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