# Jealousy rooting in me



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Having a hard time lately with the new girl in my Ex life. She was one of his mistresses while we were married and now full fledged public girlfriend. Heard they are planning on getting married and now has begun to socialize with my in laws at family events. 
Ex is still an a** when dealing with or avoiding my child and is selfish with his time. He never calls and barely sees my daughter even when these family events occur. 

My in laws were very supportive of me during breakup and I continue to have a close relationship with all. I have a very small family and only one nephew in FL so I have always considered them family.

Now the new gf is going to all the family events and posting things on FB. I have made it a habit NOT to look on her FB page or yelp but saw a post yesterday which my friend was tagged in. 

Mistress turned gf posted she was out with all my in laws having a great time. I must admit this really hurts. Ex has numerous affairs, completely abandons his wife and child, goes dark during divorce which costs me time and money to motion courts for everything and avoids any social events with his child.

Having a bad day today and thinking, 
"Why does he come out smelling like a rose in this scenario:? "Why does he get to show his face in public after what he did to us"?

Although I think my ex is pretty pathetic and cowardly, I am Feeling most jealous today for my in laws and the family gatherings I missing out on.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

They are his family, and the likely hood of them backing him up is great. I suggest you detach and move on. Their bond to him will always be stronger, and you need to create a new circle of friends. You need to create your own life for you and your daughter. I would keep documenting on how he never sees his own child, so later on, perhaps you can get sole custody. Keep in touch with a lawyer and keep gathering evidence. One day, perhaps you want to move to start a new life. It is better to have evidence of his neglect for you to get leverage. It is probably in your best interest to go dark on them as well. When you divorced him, you divorce his family as well.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Family has a tendency to stick together even when one has done wrong or brought questionable honor to their members. 

Their support will dwindle in the future, I'm sorry to say.

You should prepare yourself for that.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

You are correct in the family always backing him more. I realize this and have started to make new friends outside of this circle. Just hurts a great deal to know I have to take a backseat. Especially since I was the loyal spouse. 

I have sole custody of my child and have since divorced in May. Since ex never showed for any divorce proceedings and that is also why I am still close with my in laws. My mother in law and I go out to dinner a lot with child to get caught up. Other sister in laws have been close since our kids are all the same age and attend the same school.

But you are correct, I need to begin moving on from them wholly for my own benefit. My daughter loves her school so I will keep her in it but I am thinking of selling my home and moving elsewhere in the county to get a fresh start

Just feeling blue today!! Life in not fair sometimes.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Are your FB friends with the ex's family? I'm thinking she is tagging your ex's family in her photos that's why they are coming up on your feed? Is there anyway you can block any FB posts from the girlfriend so they don't show up on your feed? You may have to block or unfriend his family for a while so you don't have to see the GF's photos.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Ha, life is not fair is the truth. I quit expecting it to be a long time ago, and I am 26. It is pretty much about the actions you can take to change your circumstance,, and how you view things. Like now, you are thinking about taking the action to change your environment. You do not control your ex-in-laws, so you take action to change your circumstance. As you introduce your daughter to new people, you can phase out your ex-in-laws. Your daughter can only maintain a number of attachments before the others wither and fade away. The more bonds we form, the more we have to sacrifice to make room for the new ones.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Divorce and the aftermath can be unbelievably hard. I will never again have the life I lived for the 45 years I was married and I'm okay with that. When you divorce you have to create a new life and I have. I never think about my life as it used to be. It's in the past and I'm happy with the life I have now. Certainly my ex-husband devastated me but he didn't break me. I believe being happy is the best revenge and I made it. You will make it too.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

soccermom2three said:


> Are your FB friends with the ex's family? I'm thinking she is tagging your ex's family in her photos that's why they are coming up on your feed? Is there anyway you can block any FB posts from the girlfriend so they don't show up on your feed? You may have to block or unfriend his family for a while so you don't have to see the GF's photos.


Yes this is what happened. Sister in law was tagged in photo and came up my feed. I will need to block all my in laws in the future since this one tags everyone and posts every detail of her life on facebook.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

FrustratedFL said:


> You are correct in the family always backing him more. I realize this and have started to make new friends outside of this circle. Just hurts a great deal to know I have to take a backseat. Especially since I was the loyal spouse.
> 
> I have sole custody of my child and have since divorced in May. Since ex never showed for any divorce proceedings and that is also why I am still close with my in laws. My mother in law and I go out to dinner a lot with child to get caught up. Other sister in laws have been close since our kids are all the same age and attend the same school.
> 
> ...


No, it's not fair . I've been in your shoes and know how you feel . It does get better, but it's perfectly normal to feel this way. Hang in there.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm sorry. You feelings are normal. I don't think anyone would feel happy in this instance.

Time is the answer, as cliched as it is. One day you will see posts pop up/hear things and it will sting less and less and less until one day you are so happy you aren't the one who ended up with him.

Here's to hoping that day gets here sooner rather than later.

For now, you can probably try to hide those stories from your feed.


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

Hi Frustrated
I know exactly how you feel. My EX's family were essentially my family for over 25 years. At first her family rallied around me when she commiteed adultery. But blood is thicker than water. My ex's POSOM is now FB friends with her family. I know that I will not be replaced but I also know that he will now be a part of their lives. So I blocked him and my ex-wife but kept my former inlaws.

I surprised everyone when I shook his hand at my daughter's graduation...in reality I wanted to knock his teeth down his throat. Karma has a way of working out. I am happier than I have been in a long time and my EX is seeing that the grass is not greener.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

AFPhoenix - Thanks for your words. 

Hands down it hurts but I hope like you I will be able to look at them both one day without feeling like murder. LOL!

Going to a show this weekend with daughter, MIL and sister in law. I also blocked posts from my SIL FB page so I do not have to see mistress posts and bragging about in law events. She is very braggy about her whole life. Her Yelp posts describe every morsel she puts in her mouth and all the places her and ex visit. 

I am not envious of her. FAR from it. She gained a serial cheater, pathological liar and dead beat dad. I do however wish I could still socialize with my in laws for holidays and such. I know It is not possible but I will make my own time with them off days so my daughter can enjoy the family. SIL, best friend and I go with all our kids to the a beachhouse every year and that has continued. I just will make my own new traditions with in laws!


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

The best way to rise above this is to live a great life. Dont let any of her antics get you down...pretty soon she will be discarded when her shine wears off and he will look like a fool.

Then you can carry on as if it doesnt matter...because it really doesnt.


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## Cinema79 (Aug 30, 2013)

FrustratedFL said:


> Having a bad day today and thinking,
> "Why does he come out smelling like a rose in this scenario:? "Why does he get to show his face in public after what he did to us"?


Life is not fair. Bad people do get away with a lot. Corrupt world leaders get away with killing thousands of people, and die peacefully. 

I know precisely the feeling, when the man who was banging my wife during our separation (who my wife had known for many years because she worked with him) became Facebook friends with her family in no time whatsoever. Imagine my pain and horror to see photos of him and her at a family wedding together while I was sitting at home in my lousy apartment barely able to eat because of all the depression and pain she caused. To see someone standing in your place is very difficult and UNFAIR. 

I wanted to inflict so much pain on the guy and my ex-wife but that would keep me stuck in loop of hate and possibly a cold seat in prison for caving his face in.

What will happen is that you will reach a point of indifference and stop caring what she is up to with his family. You may have a strong bond with your exes family, but it sounds like he didn't deserve you. You deserve better. Since he cheated, karma will hit him in some way.

*I fully believe in Karma. *

What you should do is get out and date a little. Word will get back to your ex-husband that you might be possibly intimate and it will tear him up inside to know that some dude is having a little fun with his ex-wife. Men are even more territorial than women.

When my cheating ex-wife saw me with my new girlfriend, is it any coincidence that she gained at least 40 lbs in the next couple of months after we became "Facebook official"? Though she was pretty locked in with her POSOM, I know seeing me with someone else probably hurt her a lot. That, my friend, is Karma. She shouldn't have cheated. 

I would try to separate myself from your exes family as much as possible. Defriend on Facebook, and block the other woman. These are little steps you can take to get out of this madness. 

Hang in there. The pain subsides. Happiness does return.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

I believe in Karma but cannot for the life of me figure out why all the bad things have happened to me that were out of my control but impacted me tremendously. 

Divorce due to infidelity and betrayal in May 2014. Diagnosed with breast cancer in September. Mom suddenly passed away in October and double mastectomy in Dec. 

I am not ready to date since dealing with health issues but I have been going out with friends and detaching more and more everyday. 

My ex is a POS. When my mom died; he never even sent me a card. His mother in law for 17+ years. I got cards from new neighbors who I just met but daughter never got an acknowledgement from ex or myself. His true character is showing.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Nothing of value to add OP, just want to wish you all the best. Here is to a great 2015 for you and your child.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

FrustratedFL said:


> I believe in Karma but cannot for the life of me figure out why all the bad things have happened to me that were out of my control but impacted me tremendously.
> 
> Divorce due to infidelity and betrayal in May 2014. Diagnosed with breast cancer in September. Mom suddenly passed away in October and double mastectomy in Dec.
> 
> ...


Sounds like your ex wasnt sure where his place was in the equation. Sometimes when men arent sure what to do...they do nothing. 
Other times MIL's arent always seen as welcome components to a marriage despite what the men say.

My MIL was active in destroying the marriage so if she dropped dead tomorrow, I know I wouldnt shed a tear.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

SamuraiJack said:


> Sounds like your ex wasnt sure where his place was in the equation. Sometimes when men arent sure what to do...they do nothing.
> Other times MIL's arent always seen as welcome components to a marriage despite what the men say.
> 
> My MIL was active in destroying the marriage so if she dropped dead tomorrow, I know I wouldnt shed a tear.


My mother lived in NJ and visited FL probably 5 times in 17 years. The few trips to NJ were arranged with fun things and visits for a few hours so MIL issues did not exist in this case. Ex is just a POS with no manners or morals.


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