# decision made...I hope I don't regret this



## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

So I think I'm going to commit fully to saving this relationship with my wife. Also the main thing is that I'm going to continue this pregnancy with the belief that the baby is mine. We both have talked extensively after the ultrasound and the math just doesn't seem to work out any other way. 

Even with all of this decision making, we are still going to be living separately, mainly for financial purposes, but to also try and get that spark back completely. 

I've read here that alot of couples lose that connection when they live apart and don't recapture it. Is there anyone out there who separated and had it work out? Our way of thinking is that this will show us how much we will really miss the other person and that we will long to be together again
thanks in advance.

ps the baby will be named Keaton Jacob if he is mine (which I've started to expect to happen) 
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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

From my experience and what I've read, I now feel if the spark is gone while together, it will remain gone apart, even grow farther apart, of course this is my opinion but the consensus seems to be this way, you don't read too much on separating bringing togetherness, but maybe those couples have and no longer see a reason to come back to these sites...well no one can say you're not giving it a chance..good luck Josh!!


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## hyndsight1 (Jan 28, 2010)

You certainly have been through alot and I hope this works out for you. I trust the decision is mutual and she is willing to commit 110%? Not being negative, but if it were me I would accept no compromise to the level of commitment from her. After that I have nothing but encouragement for you, you are a strong and forgiving man. I often wonder how things would have turned out for me if I had gone that rout instead........hmm.
Good luck man, keep us posted


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Josh,

As Hynd said I think it depends on commitment. If there are no other people involved, and both parties are committed to working on things, then I believe there would be hope. So if you would read my thread you will understand that those things were missing with my stbx w and that is why -- not the physical separation -- that we are not reconciling.

Good luck to you and your w.

Peace.


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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

Well in reference to the spark...it's still there and feels a little bit like the beginning. Obviously not to the same extent with what's happened and the toll of living in general, but the spark is not the problem now. Just more what happened and what she did, and my own realization on how I facilitated this happening. I've read so much about my role in pushing her away from me. 
and as far as her commitment I am feeling good about it. As far as I know I'm the only one right now. When she texts anyone she telle me who it is and what it's about and offers to show me. We don't have the internet yet so that's a big obstacle later on. The posOM last tried to contact her Memorial Day weekend to see how her holiday was going, but she never responded and let me listen to the message. She said she has only gotten ahold of him to tell him about the chlamydia and that is it. I dunno, but I do believe her sincerity in this whole process. She seems genuinely happy again and loves to be around me too.
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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

During my reflection, I realized I was fooling myself when I said she loved me, wanted me around, and that everything in general was ok. It's easy for me to look back on the way questions were answered and actions that took place and think how oblivious to the obvious I was. It's hard to believe how easy it was to see, but I just refused to. I won't be held blameless in this and it's important to me to remember that. The man she originally loved went away for awhile and the woman I loved did too. Now we're in a like mind and hopeful.

We are still going to go see a counsellor after money is more stabilized. She really doesn't want to go but sees it as a step that needs taken. She knows they will just blame everything on her childhood, she hates that and wants to be held accountable for her own actions which I can understand.
This is by no means a closed case and I will lean on this site heavily when I need it...which is still alot 
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