# Failing long distance marriage



## AndreeaHb (Nov 5, 2012)

Hi guys,

Hope you could help me with some advices, maybe I am crazy and no one told me that so far.

Ok so my story with my husband is nice, we are both fairly young (24 now, a disadvantage, as I consider). We met over the internet 1 year and a half ago and everything seemed…fairytale. After 4 months he decided to come see me (we live on different continents). He came and it was fine..he ended up staying 1 year here. We married very fast because it
was the only way to be together (well that is how we both see it now, back then we saw it as a must and as "he was the one and i was the one for him"). He had to give up many things to be able to live here with me (doesn't know the language, no friends/ family..big sacrifice that i didn't ask but he was so sure of his feelings..so sure that even convinced me that i am..very skeptical I guess). We had our ups and downs (from big fights to amazing moments..pretty intense..adjusting to a person u basically just met is not easy at all!) and in time he started
to build lots of frustration and feeling uncomfortable here (due to language, mainly). Now he had to go back and we are waiting for my visa process. We had an amazing honeymoon just a few weeks ago but since he got back he has changed…lots. 
In the beginning I was pretty in shock because he is a very affectionate husband (while being here and also before meeting him 4 months we talked lots and lots). He started braking promise by promise, telling me little lies here and there (innocent, but still…). I tried to speak more and communicate but was impossible. Said I am suffocating him. Time difference is big – 7 hours – so is hard to communicate at an hour we
both have time and I would always end up calling in a bad moment, while he was doing smth. So after many arguments, I realized that by wanting to make it work so hard I am actually pushing him away when he wants his space (was difficult for me to understand that because before coming here he would text me and call me and writing me from anywhere, any
hour, all the time). So, I decided to let him have the control over when he wants to talk, he was decent for a few days we talked nice, dedicated like half hour a day to me..but now he started to just text me once a day when i am at work or sleeping and when he knows i can not call him back (he doesn't work nor has a busy schedule).

He says he doesn't like missing me so he doesn't wanna call me or think of me. He said he is not in any relationship with me until i get there. That he doesn't know how to nor want to be in a long distance relationship. That he is young and wants to relax, he doesn't want me to call him or text him..he would be fine talking to me once a week only through a message. That he is faithful for now and I should be grateful for that, that if I would be there he would give it a try, but he will never make any sacrifice for me anymore and that he was never happy here
with me due to having no friends or family and not being able to talk my language and blames me for all the time he lost here and all the things he left unsolved there and now are difficult to solve. That he has strong feelings for me but he can perfectly live without me and he loves me less and I should just wait and pray. And all that changed in him in 1 month!!! And after he tells me all this on the phone and many other hurting words, he texts me that he still loves me and he doesn't wanna break up he just wants me there with him. I want to mention he has
some pain problems n is on painkillers and will go under surgery soon but I still don t think that excuses his behavior.
Especially that he would never treat me like this face to face, he would hug me an become emotional. But I can not go there and talk with him I know he wouldn't be like this. I have no power to make things right!

For me, we are in a marriage otherwise I wouldn't have tolerated so many but I tried to be understanding with the way he feels and to do anything not to let this break up because we are so great when we are together and feels good. I have been in a 4 year relationship before and this is nothing like that, I am so deeply in love with this man, he is the type that writes u a poem or u find huge heart on the bathroom mirror when you wake up. He knows how to tell you beautiful words and seemed to have strong feelings. But maybe for him was like…a game..playing "love of your life" fairytale, wanted to love me just cuz we met in a very unusual way and wanted to defy the odds of us being together. But I took it very serious and is very hard to realize it has to end when I love him more than ever.

I am confused and desperate! I feel like he already checked out from our relationship and anything I would do is useless. And I don't wanna leave my job and my family to go try with him there…when I feel he doesn't even want to be with me anymore! I have no one there and I will suffer more than I am suffering here.
Please..any advice will be great! And please don't be harsh on my feelings..I realise how pretty dumb I've been but there's nothing I can do now..I would rather try to make it work, if possible, than give up cuz..ooops..i was young and foolish.


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