# Anyone Else Bi-Polar II and troubled with Relationship?



## constantturmoil (Sep 28, 2012)

I posted the other day in General Discussion about the decision of staying or ending a 5 year relationship. I started reading here and thought maybe I could get some other perspective. I was diagnosed as bi-polar II last year, mainly with depression. I am wondering now if that is not the cause of all my confusion, anxiety and just plain inability to make up my mind and keep it made. 

I was put on Abilify but I stopped taking it because the side effects scare me. I also thought it was making it harder for me to lose weight.

I know I'm putting my SO through hell. But it seems the harder I try the worse I feel. I do love him but I don't feel in love with him anymore. I'm not sexually attracted to him and the more he pushes for me to have sex with him the more I resent him. At times he will just tell me we ARE going to have sex. I cant stand it. I keep telling him I don't know what my problem is but its getting to the point where he tells me I need to find a man I WANT to be with. Its hard for me to have fun with him at all or even try to because I just feel so guilty for not being able to meet his physical needs.

We have been through so much in the last 5 years and he has a lot of baggage with 3 kids, an ex etc. But now I have baggage too, emotional baggage.

I guess I'm asking if anyone else has a problem with Bi-Polar/Depression and it effecting the way they feel about their partner. How do you handle it? How do you change it? Is there really a magic pill that makes it all better?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

constantturmoil said:


> Is there really a magic pill that makes it all better?



No there's three. A powerful SNRI, Lithium, and Dexedrine or Adderall. I agree with your conclusion about antipsychotics/anti schizophrenic drugs like Abilify, Haldol, Risperdal, etc. Anti convulsants e.g. Depakote are even worse. 

BP-II (hypomania) is generally treated with all or some of those in combination. Counseling is also important. One thing that's very important and often under emphasized is establishing regular living patterns; doing more or less the same things at the same times during the day in a predictable fashion; wake up, do things, eat, go to bed at very similar times under similar conditions.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Just to clarify... Bipolar II is when you are, essentially, depressed most of the time, but the "mania" actually puts you closer to "normal"? If that is the one I am thinking of... yes, my husband is dealing with that now. His previous psychiatrist put him on so much crap that it messed him up. Not sure how much is fixable, tbh. He's off all the crap she put him on, but now on other meds, which ARE helping him...now, we are dealing with insomnia, unless medicated. He wants OFF those meds, but has no clue where to start to get rid of them.

He was on lithium at one time, and abilify as well... did nothing but dry out his mouth. The ones RLD mentioned, I think he had been on as well. Weird thing... Adderall did nothing for him in that respect, but it screwed with him in the sex department. There have been cases where Adderall lowered sex drive... very rare, but he ended up with that. He got switched to Ritalin when Adderall didn't help him (Official dxs are Bipolar-unspecified, agoraphobia, anxiety, and ADD)...so, now he's on a few that ARE working...so far. And he is seeing a counselor as well. It's a rough road, but seems to be improving thus far.


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## constantturmoil (Sep 28, 2012)

I was also diagnosed adult ADHD. She put me on Ritalin. I feel it does NOTHING but I take it. I wonder if Adderall would be better. I do feel I need something for depression but am scared now of taking anti-depressants. I'm at a loss wondering if I shouldn't start over with a new doctor.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

constantturmoil said:


> I was also diagnosed adult ADHD. She put me on Ritalin. I feel it does NOTHING but I take it. I wonder if Adderall would be better. I do feel I need something for depression but am scared now of taking anti-depressants. I'm at a loss wondering if I shouldn't start over with a new doctor.


Honestly, if you feel like you are just running in place with your current doctor... find a new one who will actually LISTEN to you. That's what my husband had to do. This doctor listens. She has switched his medications only a couple times. He is on Cymbalta, Lamictal, and Ritalin for his Bipolar and ADD. When he has an anxiety attack, he takes Ativan. So far, it is working.

ETA: Before that, the drugs he had been on left him in a zombie-like state. Seriously, he was spaced out, completely oblivious to so much going on, etc. But now? COMPLETELY different man! COMPLETELY! Still got a ways to go to get back to "normal", but he's on the way!


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## rebel_lea (Dec 29, 2012)

i was diagnosed with Bipolar about 10 months ago.... i have moved states & am awaiting my medical records from my old doctor so my new doctor can give me new meds.... he wants to send me to a new psych as well... i have currently been unmedicated for about 7 weeks now & i'm suffering big time.... i was seeing a wonderful man for the last 6 months but that ended today as he is dealing with depression himself but cant cope with my moods.... i am totally devistated as i thought we had a future together .... bipolar is ruining my life


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I have some kind of brain injury that messed up my synapses, my dopamine and serotonin and all that were normal though when checked...

Have you had all that checked?

I take Seroquel 225 mg or thereabouts (I can adjust as needed 25 mg either way, during the day or additionally at night) it's a pretty good drug and you don't even need to be accurate about the diagnosis, just find the right dose that works for you, it's a multipurpose drug. I was taking Zyprexa which is similar but it made me broody (like I was pregnant, lol) which was a nice feeling but honestly, I'm 48, I don't need to feel as though I'm pregnant.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

I am married to a bipolar 2 husband (19 years). I suspect he also has BPD, but that's another story. My H has gone through a myriad of meds over the years. 

Effexor XR did pretty much nothing. 

Zyprexa made him a complete zombie...he slept ALL THE TIME. 

Geodon sent him into a manic phase, which he had never had before. I knew when he was so restless he went out to wax his car at 3 a.m. (he never waxes his own car, regardless of time of day!) and talking about some grandiose business idea, the Geodon was putting him over the top. 

Abilify made him incredibly anxious...he would sit in his chair and acknowledge that he knew there was nothing to be anxious about, but he was in near panic. 

He probably did best with Depakote ER. He took that for a number of years, but stopped 6 months ago because he didn't think it was helping. 

He does take Ambien at night which does help because anytime he lacks adequate sleep, his depression and irritability are magnified. 

He attended a few counseling sessions several years ago, but quit when the therapist asked me and our son to come, then, as my H says, he started "getting blamed for stuff" by the therapist that wasn't his fault.

My advice to you is...

1) Keep trying medications until you find what really works for you.
2) See a psychiatrist...don't rely on the family doctor to treat you for this. 
3) Ask your husband for his honest feedback on how he thinks your medications are working, and really listen to his observations.
4) Find a therapist and attend counseling sessions with an open mind. You might feel vulnerable or uncomfortable if you are made to face behaviors that you are ashamed of or are afraid to change. But your willingness to try speaks volumes for your committment to being the best "you" you can be. There is no magic pill for that...it takes hard work and persistence.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

There really is a magic pill. They all have side effects. You just have to try something that works with side effects that you can live with. I thought Abilify was one of the ones that doesn't cause weight gain. I take Geodon and have no weight gain with it. 

I was in a bad marriage for years. My exhusband had completely disenaged and had a lot of stonewalling behavior. The last year we were married I was perfectly content because I was so well medicated and I was only seeing my glass half full.


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## Eros Turannos (Feb 4, 2013)

I'm Bipolar II and I can trace most of our issues to it, whether it's true or not.. ehh.. In the middle of a bad bad episode I kept telling my husband that I didn't want him physically anymore, I had no need for sex, and that he should find someone else on the side. Well, I always assumed he would tell me, or at least stop saying he couldn't. He ended up on an online dating site that he hid from me for fear it would end our marriage (it may have, I really can't say, I was not in my right mind then). Even after things got better he kept his profile, and kept flirting anytime we would have a disagreement. TBH I wasn't perfect. I was manic, depressed, angry, I yelled, cried, threw fits over nothing, etc. There was one girl on the site he really connected with, but when the prospect of really meeting with the intentions of having sex at some point came up, he caved and she put him in the friend zone. I know what I did was wrong, and I don't hold him fully accountable for having the account as I flat out told him to over and over. I do hold him accountable for the lies and deceit that came much farther down the road, and for keeping the account after things improved and it was clear that I didn't want him to find sex elsewhere. We've gotten books on being in a relationship with a person who is bipolar and they've helped. A lot really. But it's a slow process for him to reconnect with me and trust I won't emotionally abuse him again and for me to reconnect and trust he'll stop the lies. You can read the full story if you go to my member profile here. Now I'm afraid to go on anything (Celexa zapped my sex drive and we all know what happened when I didn't want to have sex with him anymore..). I'm nursing our youngest son anyway, but it's not easy trying to keep hold of myself sometimes. I need to trust him completely to tell me when I'm having an episode, but now we have trust issues. Even if we didn't I'm not sure I could make myself listen to him all the time. Anyway, if anyone wants to talk about Bipolar II or anything, feel free to PM me.


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