# Is it alright that i..



## UntoldHistory (Apr 21, 2011)

Is it alright that i..highly dislike my soon to be wifes child. He is two, but he is just awful, in every way from throwing things across the house, to screaming and crying all day and at random times in the night. He doesn't listen and is just everything you do not want in a child.

I know there are many simple solutions and many people will say something along the lines of, "You should have known what you were getting into, and been able to accept her child before you up and decided to get married." But my story is different.

We joined the military at the same time and met in tech school. Everything was perfect and i knew she had a kid. She said she had to marry her babies daddy to join the military and was in the process of the divorce. When she received the custody papers she put down that she did not want custody of her child. When we talked about it she said that she just couldn't do it and gave me many reasons why she decided to give up custody. When tech school was nearing completion, to stay together one of us had to get out of the military because she wasn't fully divorced and we would of been sent to different bases. So i stepped up and said i will do it, giving up what i had; i also had a son but the mother and i did not get along and we couldn't stay together, to move to her home state and stay with her.

After 10 months everything was great and then randomly, 2 months ago without talking to me, decided that she was gonna take custody of her child because of what her parents have been saying. Now here i am, a year later unemployed forced to baby sit her kid from 7 - 7 Monday - Friday, going crazy. Her kid is bad, i do not like him, i look at him and just wish that he was gone forever.

I have zero friends, no family near me. I'm inside all day, shes begining to become super jealous and paranoid, accusing me of cheating and telling me that instead of getting a day job, i should get a night job so i can take care of her kid during the day and to top it off, shes pregnant with my kid. 

Honestly I am just completely lost and i don't understand if it is alright that i feel this way. Or how to even handle this situation.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

UntoldHistory said:


> Is it alright that i..highly dislike my soon to be wifes child. He is two, but he is just awful, in every way from throwing things across the house, to screaming and crying all day and at random times in the night. He doesn't listen and is just everything you do not want in a child.
> 
> I know there are many simple solutions and many people will say something along the lines of, "You should have known what you were getting into, and been able to accept her child before you up and decided to get married." But my story is different.
> 
> ...


Step 1: Get a backbone and stop letting your soon to be wife put you in corners. And/ or don't get married.

Step 2: Realize that the child is not bad, the parenting/discipline s/he has received is. 

If you are in charge of babysitting all day, you are in the perfect position to change that. As her primary care giver, start defining your own care giving style.

Amazon.com: Discipline for Life : Getting it Right with Children (9781887069069): Madelyn Swift: Books

Amazon.com: how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk: Books

Amazon.com: Setting Limits: How to Raise Responsible, Independent Children by Providing Clear Boundaries (Revised and Expanded Second Edition) (0086874512122): Robert J. Mackenzie: Books

These three books, together, make a very good approach to looking at effective, positive discipline. 


Of course, you need to decide if you want to step up and lead in this department... I don't think anyone would blame you if you chose not to.





> I have zero friends, no family near me. I'm inside all day, shes begining to become super jealous and paranoid, accusing me of cheating and telling me that instead of getting a day job, i should get a night job so i can take care of her kid during the day and to top it off, shes pregnant with my kid.


Oh lord. Get out. Accept responsibility for parenting a child emotionally and financially forevermore. But do not marry this woman.



> Honestly I am just completely lost and i don't understand if it is alright that i feel this way. Or how to even handle this situation.


Because you are isolated. Is she isolating you on purpose? Would you say that, perhaps, she is abusing you emotionally?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

If things are this bad for you now, I hate to see how unhappy you will be after marrying this woman. Get a therapist and take your life back. Ask yourself where you will be in five years, if you stay on this path.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I feel so sorry for that little boy. How awful to have to be around a man who does not like him and a mother who hardly sees him and didn't want him. No wonder he has problems.

Also two year olds are unpredictable and do throw tantrums and test the boundaries daily. I know I've had two myself and work with them. That does not make them bad children, just children in need of love and guidance. At two they barely know how to communicate, let alone how to communicate their little emotions well.

You should not be caring for him, and I am worried for this little boy and feel very sad for him.

At the end of the day you cannot control him or his behaviour, but you can control how you react to him, and that will make all the difference.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Syrum said:


> I feel so sorry for that little boy. How awful to have to be around a man who does not like him and a mother who hardly sees him and didn't want him. No wonder he has problems.
> 
> Also two year olds are unpredictable and do throw tantrums and test the boundaries daily. I know I've had two myself and work with them. That does not make them bad children, just children in need of love and guidance. At two they barely know how to communicate, let alone how to communicate their little emotions well.
> 
> ...


If you are not up for it, just go, it won't get better. It's not fair for the child firstly and it isn't fair for you. It does make me very sad for the child but at least you know your limitations. And you may want to consider if you want children in the future as it's fairly typical behavior for a two year old.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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