# Social life and my marriage



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Do you have a lot of friends in your marriage? My H and I really have no one. And now that I'm going NC with my side of the family, I'm looking around wondering who else we have In our lives. I mean we do have the casual work friends, neighbors, the kind where if we need something they are there for us, but we don't have those kind of friends that you can just call to chat. We don't have a lot of free time, and we have been focused on our reconciliation for a year. I don't miss anything, and neither of us are worried, I'm just wondering if this is normal. Can anyone relate? Is it normal or are we an odd couple?
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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

We don't hang out with anyone. We have two couples that we are friends with, but see them maybe every other month.
We both have a few friends that are not really "our" friends, some are hers, some are mine, we see them once in a while.
There's nothing wrong with just enjoying your family.
What about hubby's family?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

DanF said:


> We don't hang out with anyone. We have two couples that we are friends with, but see them maybe every other month.
> We both have a few friends that are not really "our" friends, some are hers, some are mine, we see them once in a while.
> There's nothing wrong with just enjoying your family.
> What about hubby's family?


I hated his family at first... but they have turned out to be pretty outstanding with everything at the end of the day. That helps with the whole NC with my own family. I know Christmas and birthdays are covered for my kids sake ;-) but not only that, his mom has really embraced me recently... so we do have his family. You know, I guess we could hang out with other couples, but perhaps my insecurities with our marriage has halted that thought.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I can relate. I have the same thoughts. We both have friends, she has more that she has kept up with through the years, but we rarely do anything with them. We have neighbors that we chat with and may attend a few parties with a couple times a year. Family functions are the most frequent.

Looking at a couple of my siblings who have many friends who they do stuff with often, makes me think we are an odd couple and even odder now with our issues.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

My x wife and I didn't have anyone outside the family that we would hang out with that we considered close. We had acquaintances, work friends and such, but nobody close. Now that I'm single, I'm still that way. I guess it's the introvert in me.

It is an odd thing to think about. On one hand, it seems like everybody else has the load of friends. There are times in life when close friends would be a good thing. Perhaps I am odd. On the other hand, I'm happy. I don't seem to need that close bond where I'm with somebody sharing my deepest thoughts all the time. :scratchhead:


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

We built strong friendships with a few other couples when we lived overseas. They were transplants to that city too, and we had similar humor, interests and outlooks. This was probably the first time we truly had that with other couples. We miss them a lot.

My H and I are from different countries and met here. I think part of the reason we bonded was because we could relate in feeling like outsiders. Where we were, it can be hard to "break-in" to social groups. For the most part, we were happy for it to be just the two of us. Then we moved to a bigger city and our social life quickly expanded and the city-mentality was a better fit for us. Although, the friendships were mostly mine that developed through work and weren't "couple" friends. 

We were talking about this recently. Now that we're back in our "home" country, we have struck up a friendship with one other couple who was actually my husband's friend before we went away. I didn't know them very well before but now we see them for dinner and have interesting, REAL conversations. I'd consider us to be close. Sometimes I meet with her alone for lunch and a quick catch-up. Hubby sometimes meets with just him. We've not involved ourselves much socially since being back but developing friendships with other couples when we were away, really was a wonderful thing to have.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

My wife and I talk about how its tough to find a compatible couple.

I am sure some will thinks its us but we look for 

1. Integrity 
2. Intelligence
3. Charm
4. Energy
5. Some degree of success so they afford to and have time to do things 

It seems one spouse is usually lacking blatently in one of these. 

I am somewhat envious of my parents when I was a kid because they had numerous couple friends yet I also did feel the same about them even as a kid. 

You had one of these present in darn near all of them

1. Cheater
2. Dummy
3. Boring
4. Lazy
5. Broke 
6. Addiction (alcohol then, other drugs now) 

I sometimes think its all me because I have standards that are important to me but then I think why should I spend time with peiople that dont do it for me. Im sure IU dont fdo it for them either. 

Being an introvert, I am a people watcher. Its seems those with many friends are much more open to shortcomings than my we are. 

I now expect to be crucified for my view. LOL


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

This thread reminds me of an episode of King of Queens, where they were trying to find a couple to hang with. We talked about it last night and I suggested we make a list and try to make dates.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

This is me said:


> This thread reminds me of an episode of King of Queens, where they were trying to find a couple to hang with. We talked about it last night and I suggested we make a list and try to make dates.


I saw that. Very funny. We are never alone in our experience that is life. Some couples such as yours truly have a diffcult time getting enthused about another disappointment., 

We all want a thriving social life but where are the cool people like thay have on TV? LOL


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

YupItsMe said:


> I saw that. Very funny. We are never alone in our experience that is life. Some couples such as yours truly have a diffcult time getting enthused about another disappointment.,
> 
> We all want a thriving social life but where are the cool people like thay have on TV? LOL


That episode was classic!


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

This is me said:


> I can relate. I have the same thoughts. We both have friends, she has more that she has kept up with through the years, but we rarely do anything with them. We have neighbors that we chat with and may attend a few parties with a couple times a year. Family functions are the most frequent.
> 
> Looking at a couple of my siblings who have many friends who they do stuff with often, makes me think we are an odd couple and even odder now with our issues.


I know our marital issues have a lot to do with it too. And perhaps we've kind of alienated ourselves to focus on our marriage too. We had a few people here and there that would come over to hang out, some were from before our split and some were people my H had become friends with while we were separated, so there was already bad blood there with me coming back in the picture. They were into partying and that kind of thing, and I wanted to focus on our reconciliation and our family. So maybe I forced our hermit lifestyle.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Cherry said:


> I know our marital issues have a lot to do with it too. And perhaps we've kind of alienated ourselves to focus on our marriage too. We had a few people here and there that would come over to hang out, some were from before our split and some were people my H had become friends with while we were separated, so there was already bad blood there with me coming back in the picture. They were into partying and that kind of thing, and I wanted to focus on our reconciliation and our family. So maybe I forced our hermit lifestyle.


Don't be ashamed of it.
My wife an I truly enjoy just being with each other. Once in a while, we see another couple, but most of the time, it's just us and we like it that way.
We focus on US and ways to make our life happier.


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