# Any other men out there block themselves from porn giving their wife the key?



## onceler1

A few years ago, due to various stressors in my life/relationship with my wife I had been watching a bit of porn here and there. I've never been one of the types to download gigabytes of it and catalogue it or what not. Just checked out some of the free sites. I went through a period of time where I tried to justify doing this behind my wife's back, but it reached a point where I just couldn't take the guilt of being dishonest with her so I finally got up the courage and told her what I had been doing, but that I was REALLY unhappy with myself for it and wanted to get website filtering software. I've done so and have such software installed on all my PCs and also my smartphone. She holds the key to all of them. Basically if I ever go to anything bad, she gets an email about it.

As a result I haven't seen any porn in over two years. Oddly I don't think I had either a positive or negative effect on our sex life, but I think I have an improved self image. I'm not sure to what degree that is due to being brought up thinking it was bad and to what degree it is objectively true, but I think it's definitely healthier to not watch the stuff.

It's funny though, there's still a part of me that wishes I could see just a little every now and then even though I still very much enjoy sex with my wife. Why? I guess there's just a part of the male psyche that feels entitled or something. I'm not happy that part of me exists. But at least I have changed my environment so I can't get at it anymore. Of course I still fantasize every now and then about women other than my wife. Not actual women I meet mind you, just images of women I invent in my head. Often they are similar to my wife. It's hard to control THAT. I feel like it's built in to the male brain. Like a built in porn channel, hah. "Find creatures that look like this, and then inseminate them" <<<entire portion of the brain devoted to this?


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## ConanHub

Porn addiction sucks. I have been doing therapy and self examination and improving my sex life with the Mrs.

I tried literotica and that helped a bit. I am currently porn free and don't even need literotica.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude

never been into porn much. Nothing past playboys and what not..

But have known a few guys that had issues...looks to be easier to give up
Narcotics than porn.

Stay strong and do what you need to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## onceler1

Welp, I guess there's a number of ways to solve problems out there. I've always been told that one of the best ways to solve problems is to change your environment. Giving my wife the power to control web filtering software for me is just the change I needed. I think I have a bit of a self destructive bent. Left completely to my own devices I am not productive. Before I met my wife I think I wasted most of my adolescence and 20's just frittering away time on the internet. Now I barely use it at all except for work.

If you think about it, these sorts of temptations were not constantly in men's faces before the internet era. How can one expect men to necessarily have the strength to avoid these temptations at every turn? I'm definitely not strong enough without help. So I changed my environment. As for how my wife feels about it, I suppose she probably wishes it didn't have to be that way, I dunno. So maybe both she and I have to care for each other like we're the other's parent. She filters my internet, I do all the driving. She does (most) household chores, bills and taxes, I do the earning. I guess perhaps we're both overgrown children in different ways.


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## southbound

MarriedDude said:


> never been into porn much. Nothing past playboys and what not..
> 
> Stay strong and do what you need to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Same here. 

What exactly does it mean to be "addicted" to porn? I'm not sure I know the definition. Does it mean that porn is the only thing that arouses you, somewhat like a fetish? I always assumed it was an overused term. I didn't assume it was addictive in the same manner as alcohol or tobacco. 

I hear some people say that certain video games are addictive, but I'm not sure what the symptoms are.


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## Brigit

ConanHub said:


> Porn addiction sucks. I have been doing therapy and self examination and improving my sex life with the Mrs.
> 
> I tried literotica and that helped a bit. I am currently porn free and don't even need literotica.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How did that help? That site is filled with free porn?


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## ExiledBayStater

Brigit said:


> How did that help? That site is filled with free porn?


Can't speak for CH, but I used to just read the stories and avoid the visuals. Now that we have sex with reasonable frequency, I had forgotten that site existed. 

My wife never gatekept porn, but I was honor bound not to use it from the start of our relationship. The one time I did use it, very early on I confessed (holy tone-deaf idiot that I was) she was crushed. The stuff doesn't appeal to me now.


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## Mandalore

My question is what is wrong with porn? And before anyone says "Oh you shouldn't think about nobody but your wife." But lets be honest women and men have people (celebrities, pornstars or w/e) that they fantasize about. I think it's more healthy for the both of you to be open about desires and etc and keep it respectful and non cheating oriented.


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## melw74

Mandalore said:


> My question is what is wrong with porn? And before anyone says "Oh you shouldn't think about nobody but your wife." But lets be honest women and men have people (celebrities, pornstars or w/e) that they fantasize about. I think it's more healthy for the both of you to be open about desires and etc and keep it respectful and non cheating oriented.


For me nothing is wrong with it. My husband and I can take it or leave it. Sometimes we may view it sometimes we do not. I also think its good to be open and honest if your viewing it. I think its bad the fact if your trying to hide it. I think it becomes disrespectful when you have to lie about it.


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## pragmaster

I sincerely believe there is nothing wrong with porn unless you are addicted to it.

All that crap about how women are objectified...well, they are in it too and they are often paid more lol. It's not like they were forced against their will (and yes, if they are, I am certainly against that). 

That being said, I don't think it's wrong for a man to watch porn if he is married, but I think a clear indicator of a big problem in the relationship. 

-Is it cheating? No.
-Is it morally wrong? It's subjective. 
-Is it better then him seeing someone else or an escort? Yes.
-Why would a man watch porn? Probably because he is not sexually attracted to his wife, bored with her/craves variety. 

Also, some women enjoy porn too, so let's not put his all on the men.


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## thebard77

sargon said:


> Nothing wrong with watching some porn.
> 
> It's not up to your wife to police or parent you in this regard.
> 
> Remove the filtering software and go have some fun.
> 
> Let her know you're doing it so dishonesty and deception will not be an issue.


I am new to posting here and I do not intend to insult you or start a flame war. While I do not have any personal problems with porn in general, the viewing of porn can lead to marital issues; especially if one requires the stimulus that porn provides to become aroused. Porn addiction is well documented and it does become a marital issue leading to a lack of physical and emotional intimacy. If a married couple has made an agreement to refrain from using porn then it becomes a matter of dishonesty and a lack of communication if the agreement is breached. If your spouse already has feelings of inadequacy and a lack of self esteem, the usage of porn can make an already tenuous situation worse. As in all things, communication on the subject and looking at underlying issues is better than just removing filtering software and having fun.


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