# Wife Says I'm More Of A Friend



## helpme74

Hi everyone I'm new here and have to say I feel weird doing this but I don't know what else to do. A little background I have been married for 17 years to who I consider to be the love of my life and we have 4 wonderful children together. My wife is currently in nursing school so I know things are stressful for her.

Anyway about 3 weeks ago I felt something was different, of course I assumed the worst. But I have found that she is not cheating on me. About a week ago she was out with her younger friends from school and she did not get home until 4:30am. Of course there was an argument about this. Then just 2 days ago she was out with the same group until 2:30am, and of course another argument followed. The next day she hit me with the news. She said she didn't want to hurt me and she will always love me but she feels as though we are just friends.

I told her that she was my best friend and my wife and I would do anything for her. Come to find out she has felt this way for about a year or so but has not said anything to me. I told her we could work this out but she needs to open herself up to me more. It seems the only sex we have had lately has been when she was drunk, and it may be weird for a guy to complain but I miss when we would take the time with each other I miss it and I told her that. I told her not to be so distant with me hug me, kiss me more, sit with me more and maybe her feelings may change.

Am I wrong in suggesting those things I don't know what else to do. I feel like I'm putting in 120% in this relationship and she is barely at 60%. Is it to a point where we should seek the help of a counselor? Any feedback at all would be awesome.


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## Atholk

She's gearing up to cheat on you and the wall of BS cheaters spout is starting up on you.

I would immediately start finding out what is happening on her cell phone and emails. GPS tag her car to see if she driving anywhere unusual.


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## Shaggy

She is following the cheating wife script. As soon as I read nursing school and out late it is clear she is stepping out.

It may only be with random guys at the bars and clubs but it will progress to worse 

She will call you controlling etc. She will demand her privacy etc. She is behaving like a text book cheater.

She does like you because you are the one standing between her old life and her going out and partying like a single girl.she gets a brain chemical rush from the other men so like and addict she fights anything that keeps her from it.

Do not beg. Do not negotiate. Those never ever work. Do not follow her around appealing to her with how much you love her.

Instead you need to man up and call her out on the boundaries she is crossing. Tell her it will cost her her family home and husband.

Cut off or limit any money she using to go out and hookup.


You should also take steps to find out where she is cheating, because she is. Places to go are key loggers on the computer, check the phone bill for numbers she texts all times of the day and night. Consider a voice activated recorder under the sets inherent car.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

Oh and consider posting in the infidelity section as well. If you read over there you will see
What she is up to is classic text book cheating.

Btw. Is her cellphone glued to her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

It does sound like she could be having an affair.

I've done the nursing courses and it is intense. There is no way in hell I had time to be out til 2, 3, 4 a.m. in the morning during that time. I barely had time to sleep. Something is off here.

My bet is there is someone else or she is fading away from you. Her friends...are not a good influence if they're telling her to party with them all the time. However, she is an adult and should know better. 

Tell her it's not appropriate for her to be hanging out all hours of the morning and you are losing respect for her because of this. Explain to her what you need from her and ask what she needs from you.

if she still maintians she wants outl... you let her go. There is no sense in holding onto someone who doesn't want to be held.

Do NOT beg, plead, chase after her, cry, tell her NOOO you can't leave me! These things will work against you. Like the poster said above--do not negotiate. She is definitely crossing boundaries here that are detrimental to your marriagel. 

Start doing 180s and find Mori's thread "Just Let Them Go," You can google it/use the search button at the time to find it.


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## the guy

Investigate this further, you have not mentioned why she would leave the security and stablity of a husband. There is a strong possiblity that there is someone else influencing her choice.

Quitely look in to this, asking her will only lead to more lies in the effort to prevent hurting you more. Investigate this on your own so you know exactly what you are up against. 


You are begging for your marriage this will only empower your wife to continue. show her confidence and indifference and there is a chance she will second guess her choices.

Stand up for your self and let her know you will not tolorate her coming home at all yours of the evening and it is her choice to stay and respect that or have her leave, giving her a taste of what it will be like if she desided to go down this path.

Granted it sounds like you are pushing her away, but at this point she has already stepped out, you are just making it easier for her "eat her cake".

There is a strong possiblity that she is in a FOG and will need you to show her the reality of her dicisions by show some tough love.

I knows its hard but in my case the nice guy routine wasn't working for me, its when I showed her how confident I was in moving on with out her...willing to give up my marriage, thats when the reality set in that she was about to lose the only man that was willing to grow old with her, everything else was just fantasy and my W made the right choice in changing her behavior and recommited to the marraige.

Again pushing her away seem like its not an option but perseption and additude is what you need to show her in getting her to believe she will for sure lose you and sitting on the fence is not an otion for her.

Letting her know "you will do anything for her" just makes her hear that its OK and empowers her to continue. If she believes there will be some real consequences to her choice she will think twice.

Do not beg for your marriage, give her a reality check by distancing you and all the support you provide her and distance it from her.

She no longer want to be married so show her what it will be like, let her know you love her and you are willing to recomit to her but it goes both ways. Say this with confidence and no crying, showing her how needy you really feel is unattractive and will only push her to the influence that has torn the Both of you apart.


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## NotaGoodSlave

Beside the "mommy gig" and the "nursing student" gig does your wonderful wife have a real job that brings any income into the home?

To be frank with 4 dependent children you are a financial dead man walking in the event of a divorce regardless of her "activites". She knows this - count on it.


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