# Brokenmama's Daily Blog/Journal



## brokenmama (May 27, 2012)

So, I really feel like I need to do this. Daily input from people going through the same pain as myself can't hurt, can it?

My full story is on here in a few places, as well as other updates. But here is a quickie briefing on things with me:

I am 34 years old. Currently 36 weeks pregnant with my second child with my husband (STBXH). We own and run a business together, which despite the separation we are still managing to do together. Lots of people say they don't know how I am able to work with him, because he has been so cruel, but I guess I am just a really strong woman. We we married 16 years as of Sept 21 this year, which ironically was our anniversary as well as the day I left him. 

He is 38 and has been having an affair with a 48 year old grandmother since May of this this year. I caught on in May from the cell phone bill and two text messages that he didn't delete. I confronted both, they agreed to stop, but turns out, they didn't. They bought burner phones and kept on meeting and sleeping together until August, when OWH caught on and contacted me. He had confiscated his wife's burner phone and read off alot of the hurtful text messages to me. I left that night and me and my six year old daughter went down the road to stay with my mom.

Three days later, he was begging me to come home again. Said all the right things, can't live without you, you mean more to me than she does, etc. So, I returned. He gave me his burner phone and cried on my shoulder. I destroyed it. He told me it would never happen again. 

It still did. Me and the OWH talked daily, watching their schedules and figuring out when they were meeting. On my anniversary, I came home from the office and found my husband had changed the locks on the doors. Had to get a locksmith to let me in just so I could get my clothes for me and my daughter, my cash and my pistol. (I have a CC permit.)

He said he did it to hurt me. Because his OW told him that her husband said he was going to sue my husband. We live in NC, which is a fault state, and you can sue for AOA.

So I left that day and haven't been back except to pickup things here and there and drop my daughter off. He did give me a key that day to the new locks, which I really didn't care to have. We have been staying with my mom still, as I am in the process of getting my separation papers completed for signature, trying to get my name off our house so I can apply to get a loan for one of my own.

I am also trying to prepare for this baby to be born, which is alot of work, but my family and friends are super helpful and I feel very supported right now. 

Problem is, my STBXH is very unstable right now I believe. The OW left her husband on Sept 21st as well, and actually moved into a rent a singlewide trailer 1 mile from my mom's house and 4 miles from our house where my husband stays. I don't know if it was his idea or hers, or a combination of both. But I get the feeling this woman is leeching money from him. I still have computer access to his account, even though I separated ours the first time I left. He is drawing out 250-300 cash every week for random things. He use to get by on $120 a week with no problem. I am pretty sure he is taking her out to eat, buying her groceries, gas, etc. She does work, but her husband says she only brings home about $1300 a month after taxes. Her rent is $400, and she is trying to get a loan right now to cover $20,000 in credit card debt from her marriage. She is a BIG shopper for clothes, jewlery, etc. 

I am pretty sure she is staying broke, and he is having to cover things. When my child support starts coming out, then what will he do? Most of my family thinks he did not want things to come to this, and he did not want to be this involved with this woman. I think she has told him, I left my husband for you, so you have to take care of me. I can tell he is not happy with his situation at all.

I blames me for "finding out" and leaving. According to him, if I just hadn't snooped, they would have done it and been done with it and everyone could have been happy. So he blames me for the situation he is in.

He argues with me in front of my daughter, calling me a pregnant *****, and such, and telling me to get the f*** out of his house, and this was because I didn't invite him to a family outing with me and my daughter. He honestly thinks we can continue to do everything as a family?!

He has punch my car, spit at my window while I was in the driver seat. In front of my daughter. He is unhappy and unstable. And I keep wondering what he will do to get back at me. Would he hurt my daughter to get back at me for leaving?

He is drinking more, which he didn't do much of before. He makes pathetic comments, like "I guess I will be alone at Thanksgiving." or "It must be nice to have hot meals." SO GET YOUR WOMAN TO COOK FOR YOU!!!

Needless to say, I am trying to move forward, but the path he is walking really scares me. Even my brother says he see STBXH as the type of man that in the end could "take you and himself out." And that I should always carry my Ruger .38 around with me.

I don't like feeling this way. He is living in an alternate universe, and I feel sorry for him alot, but he made his bed, and now he has to lie in it. I am just ready to move on, have this baby, buy me a house and get settled, and find someone wonderful to love and appreciate me. (Which I also know will drive him nuts.)

He can't control me anymore, and he doesn't like it.


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

I'm sorry you're going through this, broken. You are crazy strong, though, and I admire you! A large part of me is even jealous of how strong you are.

Keep it up, girl!


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## brokenmama (May 27, 2012)

Nothing much happened this morning. He had my daughter for a couple hours last night and then brought her back home. Stopped in to see her before school this morning. Everything was calm and cool. But I never know when I will tip him off and make him angry again. 

I have noticed he is drawing out lots of extra money from his account. $320 now in 5 days. I am sure he is helping her with her finances, groceries, etc. 

I am meeting with my lawyer today at 1pm. Supposed to get my first draft of our separation papers. I am hoping everything will be okay with him and he will sign off with no fuss. If he refuses, I guess I will have to have him served?


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