# Worst weekend ever--Marriage Hell



## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

This was a terrible weekend. My H was a monster. All we did all weekend was fight. 
I’m overworked, over-stressed and get no down-time. But even being sick, I tried to put on a nice dinner for him when he got home Sunday night. But he walks in, ignores me except to give me a half-hearted hug and when I look upset, then he kisses me. So I’m hurt…my feelings are hurt that I went out of my way for him and he treats me like crap. So then he’s mad that I’m upset…he just worked a 15 hour day afterall. 

The thing is that I’ve said I wanted to leave…I’ve had no other choice. We weren’t making progress, our marriage sucked and we were both miserable. But somewhere in there in the last couple of hints, H saw I was serious about leaving and changed his game. He decided to behave differently…I think I posted about it before. He has tried relating to me differently and everything has been better in that regard. 

So stupidly I was sucked back in. I said I wouldn’t be, but I was. I bought all his crap—hook line and sinker. He said in many texts and conversations, that he wanted the marriage to work and he loved me and all that jazz. So at first I’m hesitant but eventually get sucked back in because his behavior has seemed better and different…so I stupidly believe he really does want our marriage to work.

But after this weekend, I can see he doesn’t give a rats a** about me. Instead of understanding that I’m working 40 hours a week at a hard job and taking care of my elderly parents on the weekends(who live nearly 2 hours away!)—H makes it out like I’m “lazy” and “do nothing” around the house. He slammed me every which way, including saying I hadn’t gotten groceries in two years! No matter what I do, I’m always wrong in his eyes. He’s emotionally abusive all the time. And he’s sick and twisted…He gives me this nice routine until *something* sets him off, and I’m a loser and the worst wife on the planet. He emotionally abuses and neglects me, but then gives me the lines…oh how I miss you, how I *love* you, how I want our marriage to work… It’s all just lies…

So after our 3-day fight, I went to the police this morning. I’m just screwed all the way around. I can’t refuse his kids coming here and staying when he’s not here because he’s on the deed….But I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose my house because they’re experimenting with pot and who knows what else! And they can’t force him to give me back my rings he took… Basically all I can do is leave…pack my stuff and leave. But this is my home…the one I went into debt to buy and keep running while he laid around unemployed for over a year!!! And they want me to just take some stuff and move out …and have the rest sent to me when I get wherever I’m going… The only help they’d give me would be if I said that he was physically abusive—and I’m not opening that can of worms… So, the police were no help at all—unless of course I want to get them after him for felony abuse, which I do not…I just want this mess over.

So my life is a complete and utter disaster and I’m beyond distraught and unhappy. I have no where else to go, unless I give up my dog and go live with my parents…which would also mean quitting my job and losing my insurance. 

Just wanted to vent because I’m literally at my wits end. Something has to change for the better….


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## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

....oh that part early on about "in the last couple of hints".... I meant to say last couple of "weeks". I got autocorrected


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I'm sorry things are so bad.

With you both working so much, fixing things and getting along when things are tough is going to be almost impossible. With my wife and I, we are so burned out on Friday that we really limit our interaction to going to a bar. We don't attempt a close date or deep conversation, and we don't work long days. 

As for the emotional abuse, that isn't ok. 

You really can't have it both ways to keep the house and be separate. You could maybe move out for a few months and see what improves. It really can shake things up. He will know you mean business and the loneliness that comes with it is a powerful motivate.

Are you going to mc?

Best of luck and God bless.


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## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

My atty advised not to move out...could be considered abandonment, and the judge could distribute marital assets to H and ignore any requests for maintenance. 
I would like to move out...I've talked to H about helping me get this other, much cheaper house as a kind of rental property. My thinking was that we could split up, I keep the 'rental' and pay the puny mortgage on that, and I would do whatever they do to sign our main house over to him...He'd make $150K in profit if he were to sell it, while I'd be busy paying my tiny little mortgage on my place...And he could move wherever he wanted and spend his money however he wants. 
The problem is I most likely will need H to cooperate with me on this deal. I have our mortgage solely in my name, so I don't know that I could take on another mortgage no matter how cheap. But H could and we could work out something in our divorce decree giving him the expensive, nice house and me the smaller cheaper house...

H isn't sure what he wants right now though. He says he doesn't want to be married...but yet he does... He hates this new job and the hours are killing him and he wants to quit--Plus the major stressor is that he can't see his kids sporting events on the weekends which is a *huge* problem for him.

I suggested an MC several months ago but he's refused to go. I'd like to go and think we should before we throw in the towel since we both seem confused. I need to find one though... It's hard to find an impartial one--so far I've had one who was entirely on my side and one who was completely on H's side... Nobody has been a neutral third party, so I'm at a loss who to see now. And part of me doesn't see the value of MC. H doesn't know what he wants but all we do is fight all the time...plus he's said many times that he just "doesn't like me"... I don't see how an MC can make him like me... So I'm kind of on the fence with counseling...

I think we'd both be better off if we could get this 'rental' house and have me and the dog move out. That way if he did decide he wanted to be married, we'd have another source of income, and if he likes being single, myself and my dog would have a home.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Your plan or something like it sounds good. If the house is in your name can you just sell the house if he is unwilling to go along with anything. An agreeable solution would be better, but nothing good will come from him not going along with anything.

I agree that you should separate. Don't divorce yet and give both of you time to evaluate. Mc should be tried, but it only works if the people want to be there. Your husband doesn't right now. Live apart for a few months. Loneliness is the most powerful motivate I've ever known in my own life and story.

He needs to see the effect of this job. You both being stressed about work is hurting so much. My wife had a stressful job a few month back and the best we could to is survive and not spend time together until the weekend. It was explosive if the smallest thing was wrong.

I wish you the best and God bless.


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