# A child resulting from an affair....



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

I have read stories and know someone personally who has had to deal with the birth of a child due to an extramarital affair. I would think if there is one thing relating to infidelity that is an automatic deal breaker for most it is if your spouse has a baby with their AP.

I do know some spouses stay I just can't imagine many couples making it through that.

What do you think?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I couldn't stay.
I know it wouldn't be the child's fault, but I just couldn't do it. 
Deal breaker for me.


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## Workingmylifeaway (Apr 12, 2016)

I read some where that 2%-4% of children born in a marriage does not belong to the husband that's 20-40 thousand kids a year its sad


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Workingmylifeaway said:


> I read some where that 2%-4% of children born in a marriage does not belong to the husband that's 20-40 thousand kids a year its sad


It takes a special kind of vile person to like to a man about their childs paternity...that should be a crime...


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

It was the last straw for Jerry Hall in her marriage to Mick Jagger. So, there's your answer, truthseeker.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

blahfridge said:


> It was the last straw for Jerry Hall in her marriage to Mick Jagger. So, there's your answer, truthseeker.


And I'm sure she put up with a lot of bullsh!t before that...


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

My friend was the OW. She got pregnant from a married man. Great little kid. The wife of the married man stayed married to him. He watches the kid during the day at his house. The OW picks him up in the evening after work and takes him home.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

It's actually much simpler than that for me --

PA = Dealbreaker
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> My friend was the OW. She got pregnant from a married man. Great little kid. The wife of the married man stayed married to him. He watches the kid during the day at his house. The OW picks him up in the evening after work and takes him home.


Wow...the wife must be incredibly charitable and strong...espcially having ot look at the OW everyday...


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

For me a physical affair is a deal breaker, never mind a pregnancy. An even bigger reason to go no contact with the WS.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> It's actually much simpler than that for me --
> 
> PA = Dealbreaker
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think a lot of people feel like you - but fear keeps a lot of people married...


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I think a lot of people feel like you - but fear keeps a lot of people married...


Love keeps them married too.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> Love keeps them married too.


No doubt but I think fear is the main motivator for a lot of folks...


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Wow...the wife must be incredibly charitable and strong...espcially having ot look at the OW everyday...


Yep. She even tried to be there for the birth at the hospital but it was the OW that threw her out.

I do not know the wife. Only the OW.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> Yep. She even tried to be there for the birth at the hospital but it was the OW that threw her out.
> 
> I do not know the wife. Only the OW.


Does the OW have any shame for doing this?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> Yep. She even tried to be there for the birth at the hospital but it was the OW that threw her out.
> 
> I do not know the wife. Only the OW.


Well she sure sounds super classy!

:lol: :rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I have read stories and know someone personally who has had to deal with the birth of a child due to an extramarital affair. I would think if there is one thing relating to infidelity that is an automatic deal breaker for most it is if your spouse has a baby with their AP.
> 
> I do know some spouses stay I just can't imagine many couples making it through that.
> 
> What do you think?


I have 5 kids. I love them. I am uncertain of their parentage. I am unwilling to investigate due to fear of trauatizing both the kids and myself. All of them have made some oblique references to wondering if I am their father,as they know about the cheating.
Infidelity is hard on betrayed spouses of both genders. But,this particular issue affects only men. And,it is an extremely common concern among the BS men I have come to know.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Maxo said:


> I have 5 kids. I love them. I am uncertain of their parentage. I am unwilling to investigate due to fear of trauatizing both the kids and myself. All of them have made some oblique references to wondering if I am their father,as they know about the cheating.
> Infidelity is hard on betrayed spouses of both genders. But,this particular issue affects only men. And,it is an extremely common concern among the BS men I have come to know.


How long was your wifes affair? How old are the kids? That has ot be awful..I'm sorry...that is such an evl thing for a wife to do..fvcking evil..and it should be a crime


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Maxo said:


> I have 5 kids. I love them. I am uncertain of their parentage. I am unwilling to investigate due to fear of trauatizing both the kids and myself. All of them have made some oblique references to wondering if I am their father,as they know about the cheating.
> Infidelity is hard on betrayed spouses of both genders. But,this particular issue affects only men. And,it is an extremely common concern among the BS men I have come to know.


Hmm... they might wind up pursuing this themselves one day. Be ready for that.

How old are they?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Truthseeker1 said:


> How long was your wifes affair? How old are the kids? That has ot be awful..I'm sorry...that is such an evl thing for a wife to do..fvcking evil..and *it should be a crime*


It really should be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> It really should be.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


With jail time...


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

I think the woman should be liable for all costs of raising the child since it was fraudulently obtained.



Truthseeker1 said:


> With jail time...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

jdawg2015 said:


> I think the woman should be liable for all costs of raising the child since it was fraudulently obtained.


Its outrageous that the mother who committed the fraud is not at least held liable monetarily..fvcking outrageous...


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*God loves all of His creations, be they legitimate or illegitimate!

That being said, if it were my spouse that was a party to the procreation of such a child, in all candor, it would be the consummate dealbreaker for me as she would have predicated the situation by the gross violation of "our sacred vows" and implied trust!

As a religious man, I could harbor no resentment against an innocent child produced by such an act, but I certainly can forgive my spouse as a conspiring perpetrator, but still concurrently harbor resentment against them as the person who selfishly chose to unilaterally lay waste to her end of our marital vows that were, in good faith, made to each other!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

PA is a deal breaker for me.

If she was pregnant from some moron as well, I guess I would have to devote much of my time and resources to ensuring the well being of the child by putting as much public, legal pressure on dear old dad!&#55357;&#56833; 

Least I could do was drop my ex on his doorstep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *God loves all of His creations, be they legitimate or illegitimate!
> 
> That being said, if it were my spouse that was a party to the procreation of such a child, in all candor, it would be the consummate dealbreaker for me as she would have predicated the situation by the gross violation of "our sacred vows" and implied trust!
> 
> ...


Agreee 100% - the child is innocent the AP and the WS are POS...and there is a special place in hell for a WW who lies to her BH about the paternity of her child...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> *Least I could do was drop my ex on his doorstep.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And speed away never to return and leave no forwarding address...>


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

Kids 13-28. No idea when she started. Could have been right from the start. Multiple men. Serial cheater. No details forthcoming from her. All I know about are the last 5.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

jdawg2015 said:


> I think the woman should be liable for all costs of raising the child since it was fraudulently obtained.


Kid would suffer. I could not do that,even if the law allowed( and it does not in my jusidiction).


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Hmm... they might wind up pursuing this themselves one day. Be ready for that.
> 
> How old are they?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes. I am prepared as one can be. It may kill me but nothing could ever change my feelings for them. They are mine. Iam blessed to have them.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Maxo said:


> Kids 13-28. No idea when she started. Could have been right from the start. Multiple men. Serial cheater. No details forthcoming from her. All I know about are the last 5.


How long have you been divorced?

How is their relationship with their mother?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

9 years. Ooldest son loves everyone. He has Down Syndrome. The others love her but have anger at her,too,for having destroyed our family.
They witnessed my suffering and near breakdown. I lost 50lbs. Or so in two months,and I was in decent shape already.
Bos and coworkers thought I had cancer. Got PTSD.
MY KIDS LOVE ME,SO THEY DO NOT APPRECIATE HER HURTING ME SO BADLY.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Maxo said:


> Kids 13-28. No idea when she started. Could have been right from the start. Multiple men. Serial cheater. No details forthcoming from her. All I know about are the last 5.


*Although I'm batting O for 2 in my marriages inasfar as my wives infidelity is concerned, all of my TAM brethren here have, no doubt, heard me rant and rave on end because of only a "mere" two paltry episodes of covertly bedding other men, all while having my last name ~ can you well imagine exactly what state of mind that I would be in if that number of marriages ending in infidelity had actually been escalated to "five?"

Let's just say that I'd probably need a damned straight jacket and a muzzle!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

For me if I found out while she was pregnant with someone else's child I would leave. Because there really is no emotional attachment to the child at that point. 

But if it were after years of being together and becoming attached to the kids, and assuming life was good. I don't see myself just leaving. I'd stay.


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## CMD1978 (Apr 9, 2016)

My cousin regularly babysits her ex/H's sons from his second marriage. He was screwing the 2nd wife long before he left my cousin. She feels that her kids knowing their half brothers is worth the grief.

I think it would be a deal-breaker for me. Above and beyond the physical betrayal, we don't make enough money for us to lose 17% of his income to some OW and I would be furious with him for jeopardizing his kids' college money for sex.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Does the OW have any shame for doing this?


Why should she feel shame?

I think the husband should feel shame for cheating on his wife, and cheating his kid out of a full time life with him.

I am surprised the wife stayed.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> For me if I found out while she was pregnant with someone else's child I would leave. Because there really is no emotional attachment to the child at that point.
> 
> But if it were after years of being together and becoming attached to the kids, and assuming life was good. I don't see myself just leaving. I'd stay.


Would you leave any money for the child? To give them both a start, at least?

I know you are a wealthy man. You could afford to help, no?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

If my husband got another woman pregnant, I would insist he leave and be with her. He obviously would like her better if he were willing to risk getting her pregnant, anyway.

And I don't think it is right for a child to grow up without its mother and father together, if possible. Kids need to be the priority, not the parents or betrayed spouse. Adults are meant to sacrifice for kids, not the other way around.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> My friend was the OW.


Seriously? I.....off topic nevermind.
My MIL and FIL went through this and there is NO way I'd stay. Child would be treated as my own after the paternity FRAUD, but we wouldn't stay married.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

jld said:


> Would you leave any money for the child? To give them both a start, at least?
> 
> I know you are a wealthy man. You could afford to help, no?


Under the scenario where I left I wouldn't support the child. Why would I? The kid has a dad for that. I feel like it's a man's responsibility to take care of his own. Besides money isn't everything, being affluent sometimes makes kids worse. I certainly don't spoil mine.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> Under the scenario where I left I wouldn't support the child. Why would I? The kid has a dad for that. I feel like it's a man's responsibility to take care of his own. Besides money isn't everything, being affluent sometimes makes kids worse. I certainly don't spoil mine.


If she were going to be on her own, with no help from him?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

jld said:


> If she were going to be on her own, with no help from him?


Why should he be responsible for her decision to get pregnant by a man who is not her husband, and then her decision to be on her own? She could certainly pursue the father of the child.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Why should he be responsible for her decision to get pregnant by a man who is not her husband, and then her decision to be on her own? She could certainly pursue the father of the child.


He is indeed not responsible. But some men of means might just feel compassion for the child.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I often questioned if my second child was mine. The first, well, the black hair, big forehead and amazing eyes, he had to be mine. The second, not so much. One day we went outside and he sneezed. He must have been 1 and a half. Maybe I never noticed it before, but he would always sneeze when going outside. Awww...my baby. We are both photosensitive. 

If I foundnoutbhe wasn't mine, I'd hold on tighter. He'll have a ton of stuff to mentally deal with when he got older and anything came out, and I would be the first one for him if he needed me.

As far as your wife coming home pregnant with another man's baby? I'd divorce immediately and then consider taking the kid half time. You either make him responsible, or I will be...and also to torture you...cause you know, I'm spiteful like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Would never make it that far. Soon as I found out about the PA I stream lined the divorce process and we were divorced in 3 months. Thinking of my own situation a bit I think I would have found it kinda funny if she had gotten pregnant. She would now be a single mom trying to raise the kid on her own. Unless she got an abortion I suppose which isn't outside the possibility for her to do.

I guess no way around that kid would be involved in our lives though. Knowing how my girls are they would want this other 1/2 sibling with them for birthdays and such. Just more irresponsible parenting on the part of my X that we would all pay the price for.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> My Friend was a OW in that case.


I know, my post was sarcastic. I was going to post something about irony, but it would be a huge derail and that's why I stopped.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

jld said:


> He is indeed not responsible. But some men of means might just feel compassion for the child.


I don't think any man would do that if the child weren't his no matter how wealthy he was. I have seen it happen when they have a child of their own outside their marriage. We've all seen stories of politicians and wealthy men that financially supported secret love children. But for a kid that isn't theirs, not a chance.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

jld said:


> Why should she feel shame?
> 
> I think the husband should feel shame for cheating on his wife, and cheating his kid out of a full time life with him.
> 
> I am surprised the wife stayed.


If I have to explain to you why the OW should feel shame you wont get it...SMH


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I don't think any man would do that if the child weren't his no matter how wealthy he was. I have seen it happen when they have a child of their own outside their marriage. We've all seen stories of politicians and wealthy men that financially supported secret love children. But for a kid that isn't theirs, not a chance.


Agreed..there is compassion and there is being a fool...many people confuse the two..the OM's child is not his responsibility..the child is the responsibility of the two people who created the child....


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I don't think any man would do that if the child weren't his no matter how wealthy he was. I have seen it happen when they have a child of their own outside their marriage. We've all seen stories of politicians and wealthy men that financially supported secret love children. But for a kid that isn't theirs, not a chance.


I think they would. 

There was a man here two years ago who said his grandfather, a wealthy and prominent man, came back from war to find his wife pregnant. He was understanding. He forgave his wife and raised the child as his own.

I do not think we should underestimate the capacity of the human heart to be compassionate.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

jld said:


> I think they would.
> 
> There was a man here two years ago who said his grandfather, a wealthy and prominent man, came back from war to find his wife pregnant. He was understanding. He forgave his wife and raised the child as his own.
> 
> *I do not think we should underestimate the capacity of the human heart to be compassionate.*


or to be foolish...I'm away fighting a war and my wife is screwing another man...nothing to understand thats vile..


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> How long was your wifes affair? How old are the kids? That has ot be awful..I'm sorry...that is such an evl thing for a wife to do..fvcking evil..and it should be a crime


In my country it's illegal, maximum penalty 1 year. Last conviction was in 1975 iirc. Such laws are just BS. Statute of limitations is 3 years after birth and you have to proof that she knew it. Which is virtually impossible, you would have to find a DNA test or she had an invitro unbeknownst to you. Something in that ballpark.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

rzmpf said:


> In my country it's illegal, maximum penalty 1 year. Last conviction was in 1975 iirc. Such laws are just BS. Statute of limitations is 3 years after birth and you have to proof that she knew it. Which is virtually impossible, you would have to find a DNA test or she had an invitro unbeknownst to you. Something in that ballpark.


if the woman is sleeping with two men and gets pregnant she might have an inkling..that should be proof enough..or perhaps mandatory DNA testing fort every child born is the way to go?


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> if the woman is sleeping with two men and gets pregnant she might have an inkling..that should be proof enough..or perhaps mandatory DNA testing fort every child born is the way to go?


Inkling is not a proof she intended to fraud the husband/partner. Real justice and justice according to the law are two different things, as always.

When my XGF and I "worked" on a child (she came up with it 2 or 3 months before I kicked her cheating a$$ out) she knew I would test the child. Didn't keep her from effing around. Talk about trusting people...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

rzmpf said:


> Inkling is not a proof she intended to fraud the husband/partner. Real justice and justice according to the law are two different things, as always.
> 
> When my XGF and I "worked" on a child (she came up with it 2 or 3 months before I kicked her cheating a$$ out) she knew I would test the child. Didn't keep her from effing around. Talk about trusting people...


if she is fvcking two men and tells the husband its his...it should be considered fraud..he should be informed the child might not be his..she should have to disclose...


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> if she is fvcking two men and tells the husband its his...it should be considered fraud..he should be informed the child might not be his..she should have to disclose...


Should...you can't force her to disclose a name through court (even if you could, she would just say I don't remember, was drunk, ONS whatever), her right for privacy trumps your right to know and the child's right to know. You can only try to get the court to order a DNA test on a plausible candidate. At least you can DNA your kid in my country, in some neighboring countries you need the mother's approval to do that. Guess which mothers would deny that option...And without a private dna sample it's harder to convince the court to order an offical one.

If you are a sperm donor kids got a right to know who you are and can knock on your door anytime although you don't give a **** and had contracts in place to provide nondisclosure, but mothers can just refuse to say anything about a potential father.

Just a clusterf** of BS.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

rzmpf said:


> Should...you can't force her to disclose a name through court (even if you could, she would just say I don't remember, was drunk, ONS whatever), her right for privacy trumps your right to know and the child's right to know. You can only try to get the court to order a DNA test on a plausible candidate. At least you can DNA your kid in my country, in some neighboring countries you need the mother's approval to do that. Guess which mothers would deny that option...And without a private dna sample it's harder to convince the court to order an offical one.
> 
> If you are a sperm donor kids got a right to know who you are and can knock on your door anytime although you don't give a **** and had contracts in place to provide nondisclosure, but mothers can just refuse to say anything about a potential father.
> 
> Just a clusterf** of BS.


Policies like that make me furious..


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

jld said:


> I think they would.
> 
> There was a man here two years ago who said his grandfather, a wealthy and prominent man, came back from war to find his wife pregnant. He was understanding. He forgave his wife and raised the child as his own.
> 
> I do not think we should underestimate the capacity of the human heart to be compassionate.


I'm thinking that guy is probably .001 percent of men. I don't think she deserved his forgiveness. My late uncle served in three wars. As a Navy veteran he would tell me stories about how he saw more than one sailor jump overboard after finding out his wife had been running around on them. To do that to man away at war is particularly cruel.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

tl;dr:

Women have all reproductive rights, including forcing a man to pay for her paternity fraud; men have none.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I'm thinking that guy is probably .001 percent of men. I don't think she deserved his forgiveness. My late uncle served in three wars. As a Navy veteran he would tell me stories about how he saw more than one sailor jump overboard after finding out his wife had been running around on them. To do that to man away at war is particularly cruel.


Exactly - any wife who cheats on a husband who is in harms way deserves to be kicked to the curb - there is a special place in hell for them....the guy who JLD described is very rare...I think would have been well served to divorce her [email protected]@ and start over with a decent woman..I dont find his actions inspiring at all...


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

tech-novelist said:


> tl;dr:
> 
> Women have all reproductive rights, including forcing a man to pay for her paternity fraud; men have none.


I think in Sweden (or Norway..) there was a recent discussion to give men the right to deny fatherhood in the same timeperiod as it is allowed for women to terminate the pregnancy.

But without an obligation to disclose in the first trimester men are f***d anyway, except they would make it the 3 months after you got knowledge of the pregnancy. But then women would complain about being discriminated because they are only allowed to abort in the first three months.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

rzmpf said:


> I think in Sweden (or Norway..) there was a recent discussion to give men the right to deny fatherhood in the same timeperiod as it is allowed for women to terminate the pregnancy.
> 
> But without an obligation to disclose in the first trimester men are f***d anyway, except they would make it the 3 months after you got knowledge of the pregnancy. But then women would complain about being discriminated because they are only allowed to abort in the first three months.


That would be an immense change toward fairness if it were:
1. Enacted; and
2. Enforced even-handedly.

I'm not holding my breath, obviously.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I could do it. But I would prefer to have sole physical custody of the child and have the mother out of the picture. Obviously, that probably wouldn't happen, but I would prefer it that way.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I'm thinking that guy is probably .001 percent of men. I don't think she deserved his forgiveness. My late uncle served in three wars. As a Navy veteran he would tell me stories about how he saw more than one sailor jump overboard after finding out his wife had been running around on them. To do that to man away at war is particularly cruel.


I don't know how common it is. Maybe the men who know don't tell other men, either.

Ultimately we all have to do what we can live with. Some people cannot live with another person's child and be loving to them. They are better off away from the child.

Maybe better said, the child is better off away from them.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

LosingHim said:


> I could do it. But I would prefer to have sole physical custody of the child and have the mother out of the picture. Obviously, that probably wouldn't happen, but I would prefer it that way.


Can you imagine coming home from war though and finding your wife pregnant?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Exactly - any wife who cheats on a husband who is in harms way deserves to be kicked to the curb - there is a special place in hell for them....the guy who JLD described is very rare...I think would have been well served to divorce her [email protected]@ and start over with a decent woman..I dont find his actions inspiring at all...


His grandfather may have understood what it was like to live through the loneliness and uncertainty of war. We do not know his background, either.

We all have different capabilities. If we are with someone who accepts those capabilities, and vice versa, we may be able to do more than we currently think possible.


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

My friend's sister had an affair that resulted in pregnancy. She and her husband stayed together. Here's the real kicker though. I've heard a lot about how amazing he is to stay with her and raise this other man's kid. Side note, the boy clearly doesn't look like the rest of the children. Anyhow, after hearing about how amazing this couple is one day I asked, "Yes, but are they happy? Especially him, after all they went through. Is he happy with this decision?" Everybody just stopped and looked around. Nobody knew, and nobody could say with any certainty that despite this "amazing" choice to stay together that they were a happy couple.

As for me, PA is a deal breaker. A child from the adultery just certifies to me that the marriage is now over.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Can you imagine coming home from war though and finding your wife pregnant?


Some come home from their 8 hour workday and find just the same. Depending on the status (MIA, POW) and duration of employment it could be more understandable why it happened. 

Most cheaters cheat under much less straining circumstances.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Retribution said:


> My friend's sister had an affair that resulted in pregnancy. She and her husband stayed together. Here's the real kicker though. I've heard a lot about how amazing he is to stay with her and raise this other man's kid. Side note, the boy clearly doesn't look like the rest of the children. Anyhow, after hearing about how amazing this couple is one day I asked, "Yes, but are they happy? Especially him, after all they went through. Is he happy with this decision?" Everybody just stopped and looked around. Nobody knew, and nobody could say with any certainty that despite this "amazing" choice to stay together that they were a happy couple.
> 
> As for me, PA is a deal breaker. A child from the adultery just certifies to me that the marriage is now over.


He may not be happy. But he is certainly very strong.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

jld said:


> He may not be happy. But he is certainly very strong.


Or a wreck that is just functioning and nothing else. Or incredibly weak and afraid to leave.

Who knows, everyone handles these situations differently depending on their personality, character and values.


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

jld said:


> He may not be happy. But he is certainly very strong.


No arguments here. His staying is a feat of strength I'm incapable of. 

Personally, I don't want my marriage to be about my will to stay at all costs. I want it to be the most rewarding aspect of my life.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Retribution said:


> No arguments here. His staying is a feat of strength I'm incapable of.
> 
> Personally, I don't want my marriage to be about my will to stay at all costs. I want it to be the most rewarding aspect of my life.


I hear you. I swear some people stay in dysfunctional relationships just out of stubbornness.

Oh, well. Their loss.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Retribution said:


> My friend's sister had an affair that resulted in pregnancy. She and her husband stayed together. Here's the real kicker though. I've heard a lot about how amazing he is to stay with her and raise this other man's kid. Side note, the boy clearly doesn't look like the rest of the children. Anyhow,* after hearing about how amazing this couple is one day I asked, "Yes, but are they happy? Especially him, after all they went through. Is he happy with this decision?" Everybody just stopped and looked around. Nobody knew, and nobody could say with any certainty that despite this "amazing" choice to stay together that they were a happy couple.
> *
> As for me, PA is a deal breaker. A child from the adultery just certifies to me that the marriage is now over.


Great question - its also kind of interesting when you call a couple "amazing" when the wife had an affair and her APs child..no amazing is when a couple stays faithful and loves and respects each other for 50 years...

The guy is either strong to stay or too weak to leave - who knows..what I dont understand is how he can look at his wife without disgust and lack of respect...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

jld said:


> His grandfather may have understood what it was like to live through the loneliness and uncertainty of war. We do not know his background, either.
> 
> We all have different capabilities. If we are with someone who accepts those capabilities, and vice versa, we may be able to do more than we currently think possible.


What she did was vile and disgraceful...nice reward his grandfather got for defending the country...and she should have spent the rest of her life being ashamed...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jld said:


> Would you leave any money for the child? To give them both a start, at least?


Depending on the circumstances (and, of course, my ability to do so), I might.

It would be a parting gift, though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

jld said:


> If my husband got another woman pregnant, I would insist he leave and be with her. He obviously would like her better if he were willing to risk getting her pregnant, anyway.
> 
> And I don't think it is right for a child to grow up without its mother and father together, if possible. Kids need to be the priority, not the parents or betrayed spouse. Adults are meant to sacrifice for kids, not the other way around.


I would do exactly the same if it were my wife that got pregnant by another man.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Depending on the circumstances (and, of course, my ability to do so), I might.
> 
> It would be a parting gift, though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe a small college trust for the child to claim upon entering college.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Maybe a small college trust for the child to claim upon entering college.


You and Gus are both nicer than me...I'd be gone and that would be that..the mother and father should worry about financing the child..


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> You and Gus are both nicer than me...I'd be gone and that would be that..the mother and father should worry about financing the child..


Oh, I personally wouldn't do it, and I wouldn't feel a damned bit bad.

I was just suggesting something that would only be of eventual benefit to the innocent child, and not the immediate benefit of the cheaters.


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Great question - its also kind of interesting when you call a couple "amazing" when the wife had an affair and her APs child..no *amazing is when a couple stays faithful and loves and respects each other for 50 years...*
> 
> The guy is either strong to stay or too weak to leave - who knows..what I dont understand is how he can look at his wife without disgust and lack of respect...


Agreed. Amazing is the character to choose the right when faced with the the decision to cheat or stay faithful. If my hypothetical wife wanted to show me her love for me, that's how. Asking for forgiveness and saying sorry just doesn't cut it with me in the "I love you" department.

As for this guy and his wife, I don't know what he thinks on a daily basis about her and his situation. I'll say that despite my best efforts I've looked at her with enough disgust for both him and me. Admittedly my own emotional baggage _might_ have something to do with that.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Retribution said:


> Agreed. Amazing is the character to choose the right when faced with the the decision to cheat or stay faithful. If my hypothetical wife wanted to show me her love for me, that's how. Asking for forgiveness and saying sorry just doesn't cut it with me in the "I love you" department.
> 
> As for this guy and his wife, I don't know what he thinks on a daily basis about her and his situation. I'll say that despite my best efforts I've looked at her with enough disgust for both him and me. Admittedly my own emotional baggage _might_ have something to do with that.


How about asking him directly why he stays?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

jld said:


> How about asking him directly why he stays?


Because its rude...


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

@ Truthseeker

My final post on TAM, I started a thread entitled thank you. 

As for this thread, I can only tell you this, it hurts, it hurts more then people can fathom. I have identical twin boys who were two and a half when I found out. Each and every morning I wake up the pain starts, it stops when I fall asleep at night. 

Peace and happiness to you Truthseeker, thank you for your help during some dark moments I went through.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Retribution said:


> Agreed. Amazing is the character to choose the right when faced with the the decision to cheat or stay faithful. If my hypothetical wife wanted to show me her love for me, that's how. Asking for forgiveness and saying sorry just doesn't cut it with me in the "I love you" department.
> 
> As for this guy and his wife, I don't know what he thinks on a daily basis about her and his situation. I'll say that despite my best efforts I've looked at her with enough disgust for both him and me. Admittedly my own emotional baggage _might_ have something to do with that.


Agreed,,,in regards ot the WW2 vet who came home to find a pregnant wife she is not amazing but less than ordinary..amazing are the wives on the home front during WW2 who stayed true to their vows and not acted like harlots..


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

drifting on said:


> @ Truthseeker
> 
> My final post on TAM, I started a thread entitled thank you.
> 
> ...


You have been an inspiration to me, drifting. A level head, and a thinker. I wish for you the best.


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

jld said:


> How about asking him directly why he stays?


I often consider that. I may one day. I really don't know him that well is the biggest hang up.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

drifting on said:


> @ Truthseeker
> 
> My final post on TAM, I started a thread entitled thank you.
> 
> ...


My heart breaks for you my friend...it really does...I do not possess adequate words...:crying:


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Folks should read drifting on's stuff..including his last post here - this is the real cost of infidelity - of chasing ego kibbles. it fvcking destroys lives...it causes immense pain to the BS and in drifting on's case he had the added burden of OC to bare...so when I see a Ws who diminishes, blame shifts or is not remorseful it really fvcking gets under my skin...the cost of your fvcking selfishness is damaged human lives..you should carry that guilt to your grave,...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Because its rude...


But shooting her the evil eye and talking about him behind his back here is better?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

jld said:


> But shooting her the evil eye and talking about him behind his back here is better?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh boy - sometimes I wonder if you work for the makers of blood pressure medication...lol

Just because the other two are rude or not ideal doesnt make asking the guy any less rude...SMH


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Oh boy - sometimes I wonder if you work for the makers of blood pressure medication...lol
> 
> Just because the other two are rude or not ideal doesnt make asking the guy any less rude...SMH


I think getting it out there and on the table could be healing for the guy. He might be wanting to talk about it but just doesn't know how.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

jld said:


> But shooting her the evil eye and talking about him behind his back here is better?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In all honesty I'm the one shooting evil eyes, and bringing this couple up. I'm not advocating my feelings of disgust for her either. I do find it hard to have an honest conversation without the honest part though, hence the reason I posted about it.

As for talking about them here, behind his back: talking about these things helps me, and I'd imagine others, process the mess that infidelity creates. I don't see anything inherently wrong, especially since I've omitted names, locations, and dates.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

I think it would depend on whether or not I already had children with the WS. If not, then it would be an instant deal breaker. Even a PA would. 

On the other hand, as @jld said, if the H could do such a thing, it would really mean, to him, that the benefit of taking the risk outweighed the potential consequences. Who wants to be in that sort of marriage? In that case, good riddance.

Then of course, you always have the classic argument: "But she said she was on BC, I didn't know, etc. etc. not my fault... " 

What a completely nightmarish dilemma.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Retribution said:


> In all honesty I'm the one shooting evil eyes, and bringing this couple up. I'm not advocating my feelings of disgust for her either. I do find it hard to have an honest conversation without the honest part though, hence the reason I posted about it.
> 
> As for talking about them here, behind his back: talking about these things helps me, and I'd imagine others, process the mess that infidelity creates. I don't see anything inherently wrong, especially since I've omitted names, locations, and dates.


I think it is fine to talk about it here, too, Retribution, in addition to talking to him. If you are thinking these things, others likely are, too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Omego said:


> "
> 
> What a completely nightmarish dilemma.


This has to be one of the worst things a wife can do to her husband..absolutely fvcking vile...


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Can you imagine coming home from war though and finding your wife pregnant?


H*ll no. Infidelity is a bad enough in a nutshell by itself. But I think the scummiest of the scum of us are those that cheat on deployed soldiers.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

I've been debating on whether or not to make this post. I mostly have been holding off because it doesn't have a nice ending, nor has it really ended. 
But maybe someone reading this will realize, kids from affairs don't grow up normally, and kids aren't dumb. They realize things, and being what they are isn't easy to deal with. And hopefully, they'll make better decisions than the idiots who raised me. 

The man who raised me still hasn't talked to me. I think I'm coming up on two years since I last saw him or talked to him. A lot of people bash him for it. Me? I can't blame him, nor do I harbor ill-will for him. We both wronged each other. I only hope he is happy in his life. And I would like to see him again, and hope maybe he can forgive me. But I am not expecting it. 


A while back, my siblings, who I cut-out from my life for my own mental health, eventually got a hold of me, and told me about problems my mother was having, primarily monetary related. 
I met with her on the premises of maybe helping her out financially. Instead, I told her if she wanted any help, I wanted to know who my father was. My real father. It took some tears, but I got a name, and still haven't given her a penny, and don't feel the slightest bit guilty. 

As for my father? 
Some of you might remember my post in another thread about him. The Karma Bus ran him over, but it wasn't life. Without getting specific, let's just metaphorically say I took the brakes out of the Karma Bus, and it ran him over. 
When my father called me asking for help, I just laughed in his face. I felt glee refusing it, and delighted in his hardships. 


These problems have bled over into my personal relationships. About 30 months ago (I think), my gf at the time (now x-gf), knew as much about me as this forum did. One day when I was trying to surprise her with a present, I came across a smoking gun that she was cheating. But she didn't know I found it. 
She knew what I was dealing with, what I was, and I was livid that she decided to do this anyway. Maybe this is what finally broke me, but who really knows anymore. 
I didn't even bother breaking up with her. I started dating a friend of hers, because I knew she would find out, and wanted her to. 
When this inevitably blew up, I made a point to embarrass xgf in front of her friends. And I'd be lying if I didn't say it brought a smile to my face. 


If the adults who raised me taught me anything, (besides to NEVER get married), it would be to never trust anyone. 
Those who hurt us the most are those who are closest to us. Wives, husbands, close friends, relatives, those are the people who will hurt us most. 

For those of you messing around out there right now, how about you think about someone beyond yourself for a second. Think about what you might create. 

24-ish years ago, I doubt my mom realized, when she was having a PA, she would create me, a monster. A Frankenstein. An unloveable monster that has risen up, and destroyed what created it. 

Hopefully people will read this and change their behavior, but I'm not holding my breath.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I know a girl, let’s call her Cathy. Cathy is currently married to Danny. Cathy and Danny got married about a year ago right after he got out of prison. They have been dating since high school. He was in prison for 18 months if I recall the story correctly. Anyway, I digress.

Cathy and Danny have a 10 year old boy and an 8 year old girl together. The two children have a 10 year old brother and 3 8 year old sisters. ALL Danny’s children, only 2 are Cathy’s. In other words, Danny was cheating on Cathy 11 years ago when the 2 boys were conceived AND 9 years ago when the 4 girls were conceived. There are 6 children in total, all of the age 10 and under, 5 different moms. 

Cathy has a wonderful relationship with all of her step children AND their mothers. She posts pictures of all of the kids together on social media often. And also pictures of her and the other moms. I don’t know how she does it. She just always says that it’s more about the kids and that she trusts Danny NOW (reformed bible thumper after prison, put in prison for some domestic violence charge against one of the other moms). 

It’s one of the oddest stories I’ve ever seen. I don’t know how she deals with that level of betrayal.


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## pineapple (Apr 9, 2016)

I don't know if I could do it. The thought of it scared me since H had already cheated once. When we were done having kids, I insisted on a vasectomy. And, I'm pretty sure he's up to no good again.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

For me any question regarding whether or not I _could_ do it is moot.

I _wouldn't_ do it.

I think this is probably the case for most guys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

For me, it would depend on the age of the child and my bond with him or her at the time. If the child was maybe 2 or 3 years old, I'd likely divorce and sever ties. Much older that that and it would be a hard decision. My children are teen and preteen. If I found out today I was not the father I could not leave them.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TX-SC said:


> For me, it would depend on the age of the child and my bond with him or her at the time. If the child was maybe 2 or 3 years old, I'd likely divorce and sever ties. Much older that that and it would be a hard decision. My children are teen and preteen. If I found out today I was not the father I could not leave them.


Good points.

If I'd already bonded w/ the child, I'd likely continue to be a part of the child's life. If, however, he or she were younger than a certain age (maybe a year or younger), I'd likely make a graceful exit.

I'd divorce the mother either way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

LosingHim said:


> I know a girl, let’s call her Cathy. Cathy is currently married to Danny. Cathy and Danny got married about a year ago right after he got out of prison. They have been dating since high school. He was in prison for 18 months if I recall the story correctly. Anyway, I digress.
> 
> Cathy and Danny have a 10 year old boy and an 8 year old girl together. The two children have a 10 year old brother and 3 8 year old sisters. ALL Danny’s children, only 2 are Cathy’s. In other words, Danny was cheating on Cathy 11 years ago when the 2 boys were conceived AND 9 years ago when the 4 girls were conceived. There are 6 children in total, all of the age 10 and under, 5 different moms.
> 
> ...


I agree with not punishing the kids but why would seh R with the guy...he sounds like bad news..bible or no bible...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> For me, it would depend on the age of the child and my bond with him or her at the time. If the child was maybe 2 or 3 years old, I'd likely divorce and sever ties. Much older that that and it would be a hard decision. My children are teen and preteen. If I found out today I was not the father I could not leave them.


I can see tossing the mother but not the kids..i'm a vindictive pr!ck but kids are my soft spot..even if they were 2 or 3..I could not leave them..the thought of them asking for me and crying would be too much even for my cold heart...the kids would be loved - the mother would be put out with the trash..


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> Yep. She even tried to be there for the birth at the hospital but it was the OW that threw her out.
> 
> I do not know the wife. Only the OW.


not cool. Especially since BW will end up having some Stepmother functions. Why did WH allow this ?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

wmn1 said:


> not cool. Especially since BW will end up having some Stepmother functions. Why did WH allow this ?


The OW sounds like a real peach doesn't she?


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I agree with not punishing the kids but why would seh R with the guy...he sounds like bad news..bible or no bible...


NO clue. He went to school with J, actually they both did. She is by far one of the sweetest people I know. Him on the other hand.....he's been nice to me the times I've been around him but he just carries an aura of bad news. (I worked with them both years ago at the local YMCA)

He played football with J, ran track, had a promising college career and then screwed it all up, popped out kid after kid with woman after woman and ended up in prison. You'd never know it by looking at him. Very clean cut, small guy, looks very put together. Seems very much on the surface to be a family man. Looks can be deceiving.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

LosingHim said:


> NO clue. He went to school with J, actually they both did. She is by far one of the sweetest people I know. Him on the other hand.....he's been nice to me the times I've been around him but he just carries an aura of bad news. (I worked with them both years ago at the local YMCA)
> 
> He played football with J, ran track, had a promising college career and then screwed it all up, popped out kid after kid with woman after woman and ended up in prison. You'd never know it by looking at him. Very clean cut, small guy, looks very put together. Seems very much on the surface to be a family man. Looks can be deceiving.


Maybe she has low self-esteem?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I can see tossing the mother but not the kids..i'm a vindictive pr!ck but kids are my soft spot..even if they were 2 or 3..I could not leave them..the thought of them asking for me and crying would be too much even for my cold heart...the kids would be loved - the mother would be put out with the trash..


I think perhaps you and I might be looking at this from a different angle. Unless the OM is dead, he should be in their life. If the wife had an affair, unless it was a drunken ONS, she likely knows who the father is and where to find him. He should be told and he should have the option of helping to raise his children. I don't see that as being cold. In fact, I see it as the right solution unless the kids are older and you have created a significant bond. 

It's because of the above that I also think a divorce should be initiated. You should not stand between a man and his biological children because of some screwed up sense of righteousness that you or I may feel.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> I think perhaps you and I might be looking at this from a different angle. Unless the OM is dead, he should be in their life. If the wife had an affair, unless it was a drunken ONS, she likely knows who the father is and where to find him. He should be told and he should have the option of helping to raise his children. I don't see that as being cold. In fact, I see it as the right solution unless the kids are older and you have created a significant bond.
> 
> It's because of the above that I also think a divorce should be initiated. You should not stand between a man and his biological children because of some screwed up sense of righteousness that you I may feel.


I agree with you..but it gets messy if the Bh already has kids with the WW...


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I agree with you..but it gets messy if the Bh already has kids with the WW...


As a child of divorce, it was the absolute best thing that could have happened to me. My dad was an abusive cheater and my mom was better off without him. They both remarried and because of that I gained a great step dad and a wonderful step mom. 

Getting divorced does not mean you abandon your children. If you are married and she cheats, get a divorce but be there for your biological children.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> As a child of divorce, it was the absolute best thing that could have happened to me. My dad was an abusive cheater and my mom was better off without him. They both remarried and because of that I gained a great step dad and a wonderful step mom.
> 
> Getting divorced does not mean you abandon your children. If you are married and she cheats, get a divorce but be there for your biological children.


I think when a woman lies about paternity it is the worst thing she can do to her H...I dont know if she can ever be redeemed for that transgression in her BH's eyes..a woman who does this should be buried in a giant scarlet A.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *
> As a religious man, I could harbor no resentment against an innocent child produced by such an act, but I certainly can forgive my spouse as a conspiring perpetrator, but still concurrently harbor resentment against them as the person who selfishly chose to unilaterally lay waste to her end of our marital vows that were, in good faith, made to each other!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Amen. As a non-religious man, I feel the same way.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I think when a woman lies about paternity it is the worst thing she can do to her H...I dont know if she can ever be redeemed for that transgression in her BH's eyes..a woman who does this should be buried in a giant scarlet A.


 Well, she certainly needs to be looking for a new husband, that's for sure.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> Well, she certainly needs to be looking for a new husband, that's for sure.


A man can never have a child with an AP..and then pass it off as his wifes..biology doesn't allow that..I dont know how a woman lives with herself after doing this to her H...


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

jld said:


> I think they would.
> 
> There was a man here two years ago who said his grandfather, a wealthy and prominent man, came back from war to find his wife pregnant. He was understanding. He forgave his wife and raised the child as his own.
> 
> I do not think we should underestimate the capacity of the human heart to be compassionate.


I agree.

By the way, the original question is ambiguous. There are cases where the OW gets pregnant and cases where the wife gets pregnant. The latter are likely the least forgiven.

But even so we've seen stories here of both kinds where the pregnancy has been forgiven.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

Maxo said:


> Kid would suffer. I could not do that, even if the law allowed (and it does not in my jusidiction).


Can't you prove paternity genetically and claim child support from the biological fathers?


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

wantshelp said:


> Can't you prove paternity genetically and claim child support from the biological fathers?


Sure, but you'd have to know who the biological father was.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Go read [email protected]'s story. Compassion can be found in just walking away from this situation. There is no correct answer for anyone else, but what you believe. No, to me, the question isn't ambiguous For me, there are no circumstance where I would remain married.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Go read [email protected]'s story. Compassion can be found in just walking away from this situation. There is no correct answer for anyone else, but what you believe. No, to me, the question isn't ambiguous For me, there are no circumstance where I would remain married.


It is just a brutal circumstance..infidelity is brutal itself but add a child and man that is a nuclear blast...


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I think when a woman lies about paternity it is the worst thing she can do to her H...I dont know if she can ever be redeemed for that transgression in her BH's eyes..a woman who does this should be buried in a giant scarlet A.


I don't know if they can. 
After learning the truth, it helped me understand why the man who raised me had no such trouble...'manipulating' facts in court, and being rather dubious, to get a favorable settlement. 

And it is why I don't feel the slightest bit of guilt for what I've done. Sure, I tricked and lied to her about why I wanted to meet with her. It doesn't compare to the lies she told me or the lies she told the man who raised me. 



Truthseeker1 said:


> A man can never have a child with an AP..and then pass it off as his wifes..biology doesn't allow that..I dont know how a woman lives with herself after doing this to her H...


I actually asked my mom this during our conversation. 
She said she wasn't sure at first who's it was, and just rationalized that it would ruin a family to be entirely honest with fake dad. I also assume she likely rug-swept the affair, and because they didn't have paternity testing back then...well, most people can do the math. 

And as I got older, and looked more different, she said it was rationalized by saying, "We've (her and fake dad) spent X number of years together. Should it all be destroyed because of one night?"

I retorted by saying when that one night leads to a life, and a life-time of lies, then yes. 



wantshelp said:


> Can't you prove paternity genetically and claim child support from the biological fathers?


Paternity testing, marriage, and all this stuff is very confusing, especially in the court system. 

For example, even though I am not the BS's son, he is still on the hook for child support, because he married a cheating harlot. Any kid produced out of marriage is considered to be the kid of the two parents. Cheating doesn't really concern the courts. 

Now, if you prove paternity, that also doesn't mean you're out of the woods. 
If you continue to care for the child, say "I love you," to it, etc., after discovering you are not the father, this is considered a taking on of the responsibility. Therefore, you are still on the hook, and the other man isn't. The only way to get out of it, is to pretty much cut the kid off. Don't pay for anything, don't care for them, etc. It's very cold and cruel to the child, but unless you want to pay for another man's kid for the next 18 years, it's your only option. 

Finally, there is a timetable consideration. In some states, you have a window of time that you must prove paternity. For example, where I live I believe you must disprove paternity within 1-year of the child being born, and do the above (not caring, helping, raising the child) to get out of paternity. Some states, have shorter/longer time tables. 

This is all confounded and made even more problematic in courts when it comes to women. Because they can lie. 
If a woman is willing to cheat on a man, and lie to force him to raise another man's kid, they'll be just as willing to lie in court to a judge under penalty of perjury, to say he said "I love you," or continued to care for the child in some manner. 
Then it comes down to his word against hers, and women generally win in those cases. 

So, long story short:
Can you force the OM to pay for the kid? Probably. 
Will you be successful? Probably not.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

wantshelp said:


> Can't you prove paternity genetically and claim child support from the biological fathers?


Never practiced family law. I think some states allow the married spouse to disprove paternity within a certain time frame,but not many.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Maxo said:


> Never practiced family law. I think some states allow the married spouse to disprove paternity within a certain time frame,but not many.


I know someone who did...but he had up to 2 years old and his wife confessed the kid wasnt his...he disproved paterninty, they sued the OM and got child support but he still raises the kid as his own even though he is not her legal father..he is divorced btw..but apparently close to the OC...


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

To me it would be instant D. I've read some VERY sad threads on LS from BHs that decided to R with a wife that was pregnant with POS child. I always shake my head in disbelief. Some you can understand a tiny bit because they had other kids together prior to this and the father doesn't want to punish his kids with being in a broken home. But the ones that didn't I just don't understand. 

Also DNA testing should be mandatory at birth. Only matches should be allowed to be on birth certificate. Guess who's against this? Feminist group.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

jsmart said:


> To me it would be instant D. I've read some VERY sad threads on LS from BHs that decided to R with a wife that was pregnant with POS child. I always shake my head in disbelief. Some you can understand a tiny bit because they had other kids together prior to this and the father doesn't want to punish his kids with being in a broken home. But the ones that didn't I just don't understand.
> 
> Also DNA testing should be mandatory at birth. Only matches should be allowed to be on birth certificate. Guess who's against this? Feminist group.


If one does R with a wife or husband who had a child via an extramarital affair there must be serious consequences...I also dont know how a husband or wife who does this can ever be redeemed in the BSs eyes ..I just dont


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I know someone who did...but he had up to 2 years old and his wife confessed the kid wasnt his...he disproved paterninty, they sued the OM and got child support but he still raises the kid as his own even though he is not her legal father..he is divorced btw..but apparently close to the OC...


It is state by state on this stuff.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Maxo said:


> It is state by state on this stuff.


Yeah it is...and I encouraged him IMMEDIATELY upon his wifes confession to find out what the law was and if he had time to disprove as soon as possible...his ex wife wasnt happy and during their false R tried to get him to adopt the kid..he said no..

It was a bad marriage but she is a pece of work..her whole family is shall we say ethically challenged lol


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

DNA testing should be MANDATORY at birth.

Put an end to this kind of bullsh*t immediately.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> DNA testing should be MANDATORY at birth.
> 
> Put an end to this kind of bullsh*t immediately.


The system seems to treat men as merely ATM machines..where the closest guy we can hold responsible and then - BAM pick his pocket...I think more duped men need to refuse to pay and bring the system to a screeching halt.. duped men need to do this in big numbers things would change...the system is currupt


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I think when a woman lies about paternity it is the worst thing she can do to her H...I dont know if she can ever be redeemed for that transgression in her BH's eyes..a woman who does this should be buried in a giant scarlet A.




I said I am leaving, however I will pop in from time to time to see if people I've come to like are healing. Truthseeker, I have great respect for you and I'm not disagreeing with your statement, so I'll give you why I chose reconciliation. Life. That's it, one word, that is why I chose reconciliation. Now when I say life, many many nuances come together to create and live a life. Value of life, respect of life, quality of life, living your life, and so on. What is life to you? What is life towards others, how do you treat them, how do you want others to treat your family and friends lives? Obviously we all want to be treated in a nice and respectful manner. When this doesn't happen we become annoyed or angry who was rude or disrespectful to our family and friends. Treat others as you wish to be treated comes to mind. 

My wife's transgression towards me was brutal, from start to finish her actions were horridly brutal. When she was pregnant I missed one doctors appointment, we had appointments every week between a specialist and her OBGYN primary physician. I made her lunch every day she was pregnant, I affectionately called it her feed bag. She had every food imaginable in that lunch, each craving was covered in that lunch. I made life easy for her, I kept the house clean, laundry, cooked meals, and ran errands for her. I was so excited, elated, and had to physically look to see that my feet were actually in contact with the ground. Before we knew they were boys I thought we were having girls, I was looking ahead to my life as a father of twin girls. Thoughts of taking them to whatever class they would be interested in, daddy daughter dance and how I would split my time dancing with them. It was pure joy. When we found out they were boys it didn't change much, what will we build together, fix together, and sports together. Again it remained pure joy. Life was so amazing, so easy, and very fulfilling.

I've written extensively how I felt when d-day came to be, I had very difficult choices to make. With my emotions so volatile making any decision soundly would have to wait. The first three months I had to decide what was in the best interest of the boys. Since birth they were my priority, second only to my marriage. What would happen to them if I left? What would happen to them on a limited time basis such as divorce? Furthest from my mind was my wife and what her life would be. My focus became what was best for me, what would be best for the boys. 

It's my belief that children need both parents, each teaches about life and are the role model for their children. My children learn by watching me, they learn by watching my wife. Yet I struggled as I saw that staying for the kids would be wrong as I wouldn't be healthy. Both parents need to be healthy to raise children, any unhealthy behavior would be noticed and possibly detrimental to the children. I was very confused and still trying to understand infidelity. Why would my wife cheat? Was our marriage or myself so terrible to cause her to cheat? For the first time I realized how unhealthy our marriage was. How my wife and I weren't as connected as we should have been. This was the fault of both of us, but that the affair was her fault alone. Enter religion here and a long talk with a deacon. I won't bore you with my beliefs and that discussion.

Ultimately, I came to understand that Gid placed these two wonderful boys at my feet to raise, however despicable my wife's actions were, these boys needed a father. Could I raise these boys with zero animosity? If I see these boys as OM's children, then I would need to gently exit their life. The boys should not pay once for the indescretion of their mother. I found with therapy and love I could raise them without them ever paying for my wife's indescretion. As I became confident with how I raise the boys I began to focus on the marriage, and this would hinge on how I healed personally. 

For the marriage I had to make drastic changes in myself, and I needed to become a better person. With therapy I have learned to communicate effectively, I have learned from my mistakes, and I have learned how to be vulnerable. I have no secrets about myself anymore, I pour my heart to my wife and she does to me. The boys have taught me what love truly is, and I apply that same love to me, the boys, my marriage and my wife. Now that I knew I could be a much better asset to the marriage, the only part remaining was could I reconcile with my wife.

My wife during this time was proving with actions that she wanted this marriage, and that she truly loved me, but also knew I may not be able to get past the affair. The affair did so much damage, her decisions did so much damage, yet she worked harder each day. To continue to work as hard as she did, without knowing my decision in any way, she worked and worked. One night I sat her down, I told her trust was very important, and that I had none for her. I told her I had a list of boundaries, that she should now have a list herself. To my surprise she had hers written and kept that list in her purse. Without committing to reconciliation we discussed changes that the marriage needed, changes I needed to make, and changes she needed to make. Our first priority was a healthy marriage, next was healthier us, and then healthy parents. It had to be in this order or the marriage or kids would suffer as a result. 

Reconciliation comes with no guarantees, either does a relationship with someone new. After six months I decided to take the leap of faith, I offered the gift of reconciliation. Reconciliation brought quality of life to to the lives of us all. There is respect, love, faithfulness, and hope to our lives for the better. I struggled to accept the affair, not liking the affair, but I have come to accept that the affair happened and two lives are the direct result. Reconciliation is difficult, but my wife and I learning and becoming better individually as well as a couple. As parents I hold myself to a high level, I'm not perfect, but the greatest news is that I am the best me which in turn makes me better as a father for the boys. 

So my answer is life, to live the best life, my boys live the best life, and my wife lives the best life. We all get one chance at life, we live to the fullest, we try to enrich our lives. I have watched these boys learn to crawl, walk, talk, and so much more. Being a father is better then I ever dreamed of. My wife's choice has hurt people, and I don't know if she is capable of redeeming herself, God asks us to forgive, He doesn't ever say there are limitations. My wife will know if she does redeem herself herself as she sits on the chair of atonement with God. As for me, I believe that living her life now as she does is all I can ask for, what more could she possibly do? My wife can't change what happened any more then I can, but we love each other deeply, and together we are pretty damn good with the boys. The boys are very happy also, and at the end of the day that makes me smile. 

There is much more to this, but even in a conversation in person it would take over an hour to truly express my feelings. I have good days and bad, but bad days make good days that much better, it's life.

Truthseeker, I hope this somewhat explains my situation to you, and why I stayed. I am nobody special, I'm just an average man trying to live life to the fullest. Something else I learned from this journey, compassion, empathy, and vulnerability are vital to a marriage as air is to us to breathe. You are a great man Truthseeker, and have helped more people then you will ever know. I thank you for the help you've given me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

drifting on said:


> I said I am leaving, however I will pop in from time to time to see if people I've come to like are healing. Truthseeker, I have great respect for you and I'm not disagreeing with your statement, so I'll give you why I chose reconciliation. Life. That's it, one word, that is why I chose reconciliation. Now when I say life, many many nuances come together to create and live a life. Value of life, respect of life, quality of life, living your life, and so on. What is life to you? What is life towards others, how do you treat them, how do you want others to treat your family and friends lives? Obviously we all want to be treated in a nice and respectful manner. When this doesn't happen we become annoyed or angry who was rude or disrespectful to our family and friends. Treat others as you wish to be treated comes to mind.
> 
> My wife's transgression towards me was brutal, from start to finish her actions were horridly brutal. When she was pregnant I missed one doctors appointment, we had appointments every week between a specialist and her OBGYN primary physician. I made her lunch every day she was pregnant, I affectionately called it her feed bag. She had every food imaginable in that lunch, each craving was covered in that lunch. I made life easy for her, I kept the house clean, laundry, cooked meals, and ran errands for her. I was so excited, elated, and had to physically look to see that my feet were actually in contact with the ground. Before we knew they were boys I thought we were having girls, I was looking ahead to my life as a father of twin girls. Thoughts of taking them to whatever class they would be interested in, daddy daughter dance and how I would split my time dancing with them. It was pure joy. When we found out they were boys it didn't change much, what will we build together, fix together, and sports together. Again it remained pure joy. Life was so amazing, so easy, and very fulfilling.
> 
> ...


 @drifting on I wish you would stick around TAM - your voice is welcomed and helpful.

I don't question you for one second in loving and raising those boys - after 2 1/2 years there is no way I could give them up either..my point is your wifes immoral behavior has impacted not one but three lives and I dont know how she can ever be redeemed fully from that. Does God forgive? Of course but the fall out from sin can not be avoided. My heart goes out to you and your precious boys - she can go pound sand for all the pain she has caused....sorry if that sounds judgemental but when good people get hurt I tend to get p!ssy about it...

And no you and your actions are not average - they are WAY above average it takes a lot of love to do what you are doing....a lot of love...*YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THINGS BY YOUR BOYS -THEY ARE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU AS A DAD...*


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Truthseeker1 said:


> @drifting on I wish you would stick around TAM - your voice is welcomed and helpful.
> 
> I don't question you for one second in loving and raising those boys - after 2 1/2 years there is no way I could give them up either..my point is your wifes immoral behavior has impacted not one but three lives and I dont know how she can ever be redeemed fully from that. Does God forgive? Of course but the fall out from sin can not be avoided. My heart goes out to you and your precious boys - she can go pound sand for all the pain she has caused....sorry if that sounds judgemental but when good people get hurt I tend to get p!ssy about it...
> 
> And no you and your actions are not average - they are WAY above average it takes a lot of love to do what you are doing....a lot of love...*YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THINGS BY YOUR BOYS -THEY ARE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU AS A DAD...*


I second all of this.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

drifting on said:


> I said I am leaving, however I will pop in from time to time to see if people I've come to like are healing. Truthseeker, I have great respect for you and I'm not disagreeing with your statement, so I'll give you why I chose reconciliation. Life. That's it, one word, that is why I chose reconciliation. Now when I say life, many many nuances come together to create and live a life. Value of life, respect of life, quality of life, living your life, and so on. What is life to you? What is life towards others, how do you treat them, how do you want others to treat your family and friends lives? Obviously we all want to be treated in a nice and respectful manner. When this doesn't happen we become annoyed or angry who was rude or disrespectful to our family and friends. Treat others as you wish to be treated comes to mind.
> 
> My wife's transgression towards me was brutal, from start to finish her actions were horridly brutal. When she was pregnant I missed one doctors appointment, we had appointments every week between a specialist and her OBGYN primary physician. I made her lunch every day she was pregnant, I affectionately called it her feed bag. She had every food imaginable in that lunch, each craving was covered in that lunch. I made life easy for her, I kept the house clean, laundry, cooked meals, and ran errands for her. I was so excited, elated, and had to physically look to see that my feet were actually in contact with the ground. Before we knew they were boys I thought we were having girls, I was looking ahead to my life as a father of twin girls. Thoughts of taking them to whatever class they would be interested in, daddy daughter dance and how I would split my time dancing with them. It was pure joy. When we found out they were boys it didn't change much, what will we build together, fix together, and sports together. Again it remained pure joy. Life was so amazing, so easy, and very fulfilling.
> 
> ...


This is all great for you, but you overlook the fact that there is now a biological father who does not have access to his kids. Has he been given a say in this? I have not read your original post so I have no idea how it all went down. What makes you believe that you, as a father, would be better for them than the biological father? Why not divorce and let the mother and biological father raise the child? 

You mention God quite a lot and his plans. Who are you to say that his plans weren't for the OM to have children and raise them? 

I'm not coming down on you. If the biological father flat refuses, is a drug addict, or a loser, then yes you are probably acting in the kids' best interest. But if he was a coworker and just a guy that had sex with your wife, you don't know for sure that he would not make a great dad. After all, he is their biological father.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> This is all great for you, but you overlook the fact that there is now a biological father who does not have access to his kids. Has he been given a say in this? I have not read your original post so I have no idea how it all went down. What makes you believe that you, as a father, would be better for them than the biological father? Why not divorce and let the mother and biological father raise the child?
> 
> You mention God quite a lot and his plans. Who are you to say that his plans weren't for the OM to have children and raise them?
> 
> I'm not coming down on you. If the biological father flat refuses, is a drug addict, or a loser, then yes you are probably acting in the kids' best interest. But if he was a coworker and just a guy that had sex with your wife, you don't know for sure that he would not make a great dad. After all, he is their biological father.


*I have zero sympathy for the POS sperm donor - fvck him and fvck him hard.*..I believe there are "presumption of paternity" laws - where after a certain time period the BH is the legal father of the kids and that can not be revoked without his permission nor can he walk way from his legal obligations...


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Truthseeker1 said:


> *I have zero sympathy for the POS sperm donor - fvck him and fvck him hard.*..I believe there are "presumption of paternity" laws - where after a certain time period the BH is the legal father of the kids and that can not be revoked without his permission nor can he walk way from his legal obligations...


This has nothing to do with legality. I am simply asking why you think it's the right thing to do for you to separate the children from their biological father?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> This has nothing to do with legality. I am simply asking why you think it's the right thing to do for you to separate the children from their biological father?


I wouldnt use the term father for him in any way shape or form - he is POS sperm donor who fvked a married woman...

I think if DO's wife wanted to be with him sure - then let them go be a "family" but since she is with DO - I think the kids are better served by having anormal family structure and not mommy, daddy and a POS OM sperm donor, as DO said when they are 18 they can seek him out - until then things should be as normal as possible for the kids sake and if R is going to succeed then the OM cant be popping up for Sunday dinner...

I hope that clarifies my position. In the case I know of personally the OM didnt want anything to do with the child and after a cash settlement gladly signed away his paternity rights...my friend disestablished and anything he does for the child now is out of the goodness of his heart and some because some a-hole family court judge orders him to do so...


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

drifting on - You make me want to be a better man. And I'm a girl. Seriously, anyone on this planet should take a lesson from you on humility and putting others first. I struggle so much in that arena.
You say God put them at your feet. No kidding.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

stephscarlett said:


> drifting on - You make me want to be a better man. And I'm a girl. Seriously, anyone on this planet should take a lesson from you on humility and putting others first. I struggle so much in that arena.
> You say God put them at your feet. No kidding.


QFT...those boys have a great dad...


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I wouldnt use the term father for him in any way shape or form - he is POS sperm donor who fvked a married woman...
> 
> I think if DO's wife wanted to be with him sure - then let them go be a "family" but since she is with DO - I think the kids are better served by having anormal family structure and not mommy, daddy and a POS OM sperm donor, as DO said when they are 18 they can seek him out - until then things should be as normal as possible for the kids sake and if R is going to succeed then the OM cant be popping up for Sunday dinner...
> 
> I hope that clarifies my position. In the case I know of personally the OM didnt want anything to do with the child and after a cash settlement gladly signed away his paternity rights...my friend disestablished and anything he does for the child now is out of the goodness of his heart and some because some a-hole family court judge orders him to do so...


Fair enough. Though the wife/mother would also be called a POS egg donor for screwing someone outside of the marriage, correct? Yes, he is a POS, but so is she. In fact, since she was the married one, it really mostly falls on her. 

As I said earlier, I am not disagreeing that it may be the right course of action for some. But, I don't think we should assume that a BS should raise the OM's kids or that it is somehow "honorable" to do so. In some cases, yes, but in many cases it would be best to require the biological father to contribute. 

I would hope that when it comes to getting pregnant, that the man has a larger role than just being a testicle with sperm in it. If a man makes a woman pregnant, then he is the biological father and should be required or allowed to contribute to the raising of the child.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> Fair enough. Though the wife/mother would also be called a POS egg donor for screwing someone outside of the marriage, correct? Yes, he is a POS, but so is she. In fact, since she was the married one, it really mostly falls on her.


Believe me I will not lift a finger to defend ANY wife who does this...so there we have no disagreement..


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> Fair enough. Though the wife/mother would also be called a POS egg donor for screwing someone outside of the marriage, correct? Yes, he is a POS, but so is she. In fact, since she was the married one, it really mostly falls on her.
> 
> As I said earlier, I am not disagreeing that it may be the right course of action for some. But, I don't think we should assume that a BS should raise the OM's kids or that it is somehow "honorable" to do so. In some cases, yes, but in many cases it would be best to require the biological father to contribute.
> 
> I would hope that when it comes to getting pregnant, that the man has a larger role than just being a testicle with sperm in it. If a man makes a woman pregnant, then he is the biological father and should be required or allowed to contribute to the raising of the child.




I will comment on this later tonight if time allows. But I will tell you in short now that OM wants nothing to do with these beautiful boys. As I said earlier, if the boys want to seek OM out that is their right. I would even go so far to help them find OM in any way I could. Why? Because it's for the boys, it has nothing to do with me. I have said before I am an average man, no different then anyone else. However, I love these boys, they are everything and like any biological parent I would give my life for them. OM is indeed a real piece of work, my wife at that time was also. I have never defended her for HER actions, but she has changed, as people can. Will it last forever? No guarantees. Will she cheat again? She is capable. Trust md this was hard to accept about the person you loved with all you had. But I've made mistakes in my marriage, I'm fixing and healing myself. I HOPE AND PRAY this never happens again, and I think it won't, but I didn't think there would be a first time either. So I learned from it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> This is all great for you, but you overlook the fact that there is now a biological father who does not have access to his kids. Has he been given a say in this? I have not read your original post so I have no idea how it all went down. What makes you believe that you, as a father, would be better for them than the biological father? Why not divorce and let the mother and biological father raise the child?
> 
> You mention God quite a lot and his plans. Who are you to say that his plans weren't for the OM to have children and raise them?
> 
> I'm not coming down on you. If the biological father flat refuses, is a drug addict, or a loser, then yes you are probably acting in the kids' best interest. But if he was a coworker and just a guy that had sex with your wife, you don't know for sure that he would not make a great dad. After all, he is their biological father.






Tx-sc

Finally have a moment here to post to your comments. If my wife wanted a divorce to go live with OM, or even just wanted a divorce, I was prepared to do so. Hell, I was even tempted to divorce. I have a lawyer, papers filled out, ready to go at a moments notice. Not for blackmail to stay or threaten with, but I needed to protect myself. Obviously when she was in the affair she didn't protect me, so why should I protect her? I was anything but nice after d-day, in fact people kept asking what was wrong because I was edgy. 

Paternity was discussed by my wife and OM, his response was that he did not want the kids. A real gem this guy, eh. OM wanted my wife to have an abortion, again, what a guy. OM has offered to my wife to have papers drawn up with him signing to waive his parental rights. OM wants nothing to do with the boys, his loss. 

So I did not in any way influence my wife to stay, nor did I influence OM to stay out of the boys lives. That was decided by my wife to stay married and OM chose to abandon the boys. I will not tell the boys OM wanted nothing to do with them, that would only hurt the boys. OM chose his course, I chose mine. 

During your posts with Truthseeker, I responded because you protected the biological father. I will be honest with you, at first I was infuriated with your protecting of the OM. I now have taken it as you are looking out for fathers rights. That I think is quite honorable of you, you risked being raked over the coals if you will, by taking a stance defending the OM. I respect that about you. Trust when I tell you I have protected myself quite well regarding this situation. I think that would be done by anyone who finds them self in this horrible situation. 

These adorable boys will not be abandoned, they will be raised as my own, and I will protect them with every ounce of my being. I love them now with every ounce of my being, we do so much together from playing, to fixing things, to building things, and just being silly together. We also go to Home Depot each month to do the project build they have for kids. The boys love it, they get their own apron, and a pin for the project they build. I think I love it more though, the time I get to spend with them is just incredible to me. 

As for God, I do think His plans were for me to raise the boys He placed at my feet. If God intended for OM to raise these boys then I think this would be Gods first mistake. I am a Christian man, my faith with God becoming stronger each day, the boys attend church every week just as I did when I was their age. I can't say one hundred percent that this is Gods plan, but I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that God did not intend for them to be abandoned. 

OM is a shallow person, a two faced POS who wanted to talk with me and become friends. After d-day he was scared to see me and took extreme measures to avoid me. OM didn't want to meet with me, instead he avoided me at all costs. OM has flaws as I do, but abandoning a child, whether yours or not biologically, is a crime in my book.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

drifting on said:


> Tx-sc
> 
> Finally have a moment here to post to your comments. If my wife wanted a divorce to go live with OM, or even just wanted a divorce, I was prepared to do so. Hell, I was even tempted to divorce. I have a lawyer, papers filled out, ready to go at a moments notice. Not for blackmail to stay or threaten with, but I needed to protect myself. Obviously when she was in the affair she didn't protect me, so why should I protect her? I was anything but nice after d-day, in fact people kept asking what was wrong because I was edgy.
> 
> ...


I just want to clarify - how long after the boys birth did your wife inform you of their paternity?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

drifting on said:


> OM is a shallow person, a two faced POS who wanted to talk with me and become friends. After d-day he was scared to see me and took extreme measures to avoid me. OM didn't want to meet with me, instead he avoided me at all costs. OM has flaws as I do, but abandoning a child, whether yours or not biologically, is a crime in my book.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The other man can go fvck himself - he is a POS who only deserves misery...sorry I have no pity for him or your wife..only you and those boys...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Here is another question for TAM readers - *would you date someone who had a child from an affair?* I know of a case where the guy started dating this woman and was informed by her ex husband that her child was not theirs but from her affair. I'd have to say I'd bail quick...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Here is another question for TAM readers - *would you date someone who had a child from an affair?* I know of a case where the guy started dating this woman and was informed by her ex husband that her child was not theirs but from her affair. I'd have to say I'd bail quick...


That would make for an interesting thread.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

stephscarlett said:


> drifting on - You make me want to be a better man. And I'm a girl. Seriously, anyone on this planet should take a lesson from you on humility and putting others first. I struggle so much in that arena.
> You say God put them at your feet. No kidding.


They have surgeries for this,now.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

jld said:


> That would make for an interesting thread.


Like I said I'd bail...especially if I found out form the ex-spouse...


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Here is another question for TAM readers - *would you date someone who had a child from an affair?* I know of a case where the guy started dating this woman and was informed by her ex husband that her child was not theirs but from her affair. I'd have to say I'd bail quick...


Well that would be even worse than knowing she got divorced because of cheating because it shows the possibility that she had unprotected sex with her AP. And even if they used protection (which can fail) she was not on BC so she took at least that risk willingly. Been there and done with that. 

A mother of red flags.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Here is another question for TAM readers - *would you date someone who had a child from an affair?* I know of a case where the guy started dating this woman and was informed by her ex husband that her child was not theirs but from her affair. I'd have to say I'd bail quick...


Nope.

At least not knowingly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

rzmpf said:


> Well that would be even worse than knowing she got divorced because of cheating because it shows the possibility that she had unprotected sex with her AP. And even if they used protection (which can fail) she was not on BC so she took at least that risk willingly. Been there and done with that.
> 
> A mother of red flags.


*Last I heard they were still together and talking marriage. I asked a mutual friend why would he consider marrying her after he found out that news the way he did. The friend had no answer - in fact seemed confused as to why I would be asking a question like that. It is the mother of red flags - she dealt with strife in her marriage by cheating more than once and it is thought that her current bf was her bf even before she had separated and got a divorce. So if thatbis true her current bf gets what he deserves and is a complete and utter moron - 1) if she cheats with you she will cheat on you 2) She had a kid with someone other than her husband before she met you - so you ain't special sunshine. SMH. *



GusPolinski said:


> Nope.
> 
> At least not knowingly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Agree 100% - why go further with someone like that - there are no guarantees in life but man oh man if there ever was a flashing warning sign going into a relationship that has to be it. *


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

DO man I got a curious question, are you an English major or something? Your writing and communication skills are amazing! Again I pray for you that life gives you and your boys and heck, even your wife, the best life can give you, you sure deserve it!! Here is what I would love to see, for those boys to become NFL stars and you be set for life!! 

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

CantBelieveThis said:


> DO man I got a curious question, are you an English major or something? Your writing and communication skills are amazing! Again I pray for you that life gives you and your boys and heck, even your wife, the best life can give you, you sure deserve it!! Here is what I would love to see, for those boys to become NFL stars and you be set for life!!
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk




CantBelieveThis

I thank you very much for your kind words, but I wasn't the school type, although I attended a junior college in the criminal justice program. I'm more of a hands on lets go person then to sit in a lecture would a book I never would have chosen to read. I read many of nonfiction books, or books about sports players. I'm not a Yankee fan but the Bronx Zoo is an entertaining read. Roger Staubach's Fourth down and lifetime to go is good too. Walt Garrison wrote a book too which had me laughing pretty good, but the title escapes me. I'm really just a simple man, blue jeans and t-shirts kind of guy. Most of my buddies love rock and roll but I'm a country boy at heart. Just prefer that way of living I guess. Not too big on cities but love living in the country. 

Thank you for the well wishes, I hope there is a day you find peace and happiness too. God bless your travels in the journey of life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

CBT

Almost forgot, if the boys get my size and their wife's speed, they just may be in the NFL. Wrestling with this decision already, worried about the concussions honestly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

drifting on said:


> CantBelieveThis
> 
> I thank you very much for your kind words, but I wasn't the school type, although I attended a junior college in the criminal justice program. I'm more of a hands on lets go person then to sit in a lecture would a book I never would have chosen to read. I read many of nonfiction books, or books about sports players. I'm not a Yankee fan but the Bronx Zoo is an entertaining read. Roger Staubach's Fourth down and lifetime to go is good too. Walt Garrison wrote a book too which had me laughing pretty good, but the title escapes me. I'm really just a simple man, blue jeans and t-shirts kind of guy. Most of my buddies love rock and roll but I'm a country boy at heart. Just prefer that way of living I guess. Not too big on cities but love living in the country.
> 
> ...


You deserve happiness my friend..hope you find it..


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> You deserve happiness my friend..hope you find it..




Truthseeker

I owe a lot of credit to you for keeping me on the correct path in my journey. You have been a great friend to someone you never met or even knew. Yet you posted, challenged me to think deeper, but always helping to guide me forward. I think someone like yourself deserves peace and happiness for being a kind soul and helping others. God bless you my friend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Here is another question for TAM readers - *would you date someone who had a child from an affair?* I know of a case where the guy started dating this woman and was informed by her ex husband that her child was not theirs but from her affair. I'd have to say I'd bail quick...


 No, I would not. I never had any interest in raising anyone else's children no matter the circumstances of their birth. I would date a woman who had kids, if they were grown and out on their own. Which would be very likely if I start dating again at my age.(48)

That about me established, if I found out that one of her kids, although grown, was born due to her having an affair, I would not date the woman. I would break it off and move on.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Palodyne said:


> That about me established, if I found out that one of her kids, although grown, was born due to her having an affair, I would not date the woman. I would break it off and move on.


Me too.. it would be the wise move IMO...why get involved with a person who has a flashing red flag..it would make me unable to trust them at all...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

drifting on said:


> Truthseeker
> 
> I owe a lot of credit to you for keeping me on the correct path in my journey. You have been a great friend to someone you never met or even knew. Yet you posted, challenged me to think deeper, but always helping to guide me forward. I think someone like yourself deserves peace and happiness for being a kind soul and helping others. God bless you my friend.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you sir. :smile2:


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