# I hurt him!



## mrsbroken (Sep 23, 2009)

Since I have found out about my hubby's EA I have trouble snuggle up to him in bed. And till last night he didn't notice that I turn away from him to sleep. I thought he was asleep when this pic of him and the ow came into my head so I turned away from him to cry myself to sleep. Well he asked what he did to make me mad and at first I said nothing just go back to sleep he asked again and i said it's nothing just go to sleep then he said he was going to sleep in the living room i didn't move or say anything he asked the thrid time what did I do? I told him that since the OW I have trouble snuggle up to him he just turned to me put his arm around me and told me he loves me and went to sleep. I feel bad that he knows that I am still having trouble getting over his EA and he didn't say anything this morning but I think I hurt his feelings last night. What should I do? Just let it drop we have been getting along great for 3mths now.


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

You don't have anything to feel guilty about. Feelings come without your permission or warning. It takes a long time for those feelings of betrayal to fade. Next time you get an image of him and TOW in your head and it upsets you, if he asks what's wrong, I would be honest and tell him. Something like "I'm not mad at you, but I'm still trying to get past the hurt feelings from your affair. It is going to take some time." I don't know if this applies to you or not, but sometimes having your H re-apologize for what he did can help make you feel better. Sometimes one apology isn't enough, and it's okay to ask for another (and another, until you don't need to hear it anymore). 3 months is a short time - be patient with yourself.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Look I think how it went down was okay, you need to work through some of these feelings and I think if he knows he can help. Hey he did the right thing, he put his arm around you and said he loved you. He didn't go to the couch.....Let it go now and just don't let the EA come between the two of you......she isn't worth it, you are and he is working things out with you and things are great, just a little bump in the road.....good luck


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## hurtbyher (Nov 19, 2009)

It has been 4 months scince I found out about my wifes affairs that happened over a year ago. I still have thoose moments that you described. We can't control our thoughts. Time will help. I am not an emotional guy but can cry in an instant when a bad thought comes to my head. I have explained to my wife what causes these sad times and she appolagizes and tells me she love me. That does help. We need to be reminded that the hurter is sorry. It may take months or years. I told my wife "MY heart may heal but it will have a scar for life. I will never forget." The sad moments are better now. No details just the thought that it happened makes me sad. Sometimes just holding her hand or rubbing her arm or foot makes me cry. I am not thinking of the stuff that happend just that I love her so much and the fact that she hurt me saddens me. I have told her that and she seems to understand.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Since learning of my H's affair, I have decided that when it is upsetting me I am just going to let him know. I tried to hide it and just deal with it on my own, not thinking it was "fair" that he should always have to feel guilty, but by trying not to pester him with it, I was denying him the opportunity. Those times are his opportunity to show you he loves you and cares that he hurts you. So be honest and allow him to try and comfort you when you are hurting.


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## hurtbyher (Nov 19, 2009)

DawnD said:


> Since learning of my H's affair, I have decided that when it is upsetting me I am just going to let him know. I tried to hide it and just deal with it on my own, not thinking it was "fair" that he should always have to feel guilty, but by trying not to pester him with it, I was denying him the opportunity. Those times are his opportunity to show you he loves you and cares that he hurts you. So be honest and allow him to try and comfort you when you are hurting.


Very true..:iagree::smthumbup: My wife usually can tell when I am sad. The way I just squeeze her tight and wont let go and the tears are a dead give away. She usually tells me she loves meand that she is sorry for hurting me. Hearing that helps with the healing so you have to let them know how ya feel.


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## mrsbroken (Sep 23, 2009)

I know that I need to let him know how I feel but we have been getting along so well I just didn't want to rock the boat. He will even admit that the past 3mos has been great between us and it seems he has moved on now if I can just move on. I think sometimes I make things bigger than what they are and I truly believe that he just like getting his ego pumped up by the OW but now see that was wrong or at least I hope that is the lesson he learned.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I can see where you are coming from, but if you don't let him see you are still hurting, it is all gonna come out at once and you are gonna explode with all of this, instead of dealing with it as it comes. We sounds similar in personality types, so the thing that usually keeps me from moving on is that I can't tell you FOR CERTAIN that he won't do it again. I can't tell you FOR CERTAIN that he knows the extent of the damage his A did. He very well may know, but I don't. And it holds me back.


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