# Found out my Wife was a prostitue



## Mike0816 (Apr 7, 2018)

Last night I found out my wife was a prostitute before we met. We were married at 19 after knowing one another for two weeks. I had just moved to a new state and didn't really know anyone. I met her and was instantly head over heels. Now we both had pretty dark pasts we were both heroin addicts I moved here to get away from it and she was still using when I met her. I told her to be with me she needed to get clean and she did. I knew that there was one time she allowed someone to lick her for drugs. But when we were about 7 months in I was snooping through her email and found old emails with a John and confronted her about it. She swore she never went through with it. I believed her and we went on with our lives. Last night we were talking and I don't even know how the conversation came up but I was told that she did indeed go through with it and he was a middle aged man when she was 18. The first time it happened at her house with my now adopted son in the next room I was absolutely disgusted. But then he called again and she did it again but this time at his house. This is where it gets really ****ed up. He picked her up took her to his house and then him and 4 of his friends raped my wife. I am absolutely disgusted by her and can't even look at her. I'm disgusted with myself because it's not her fault but I cannot get the thought out of my head of this middle aged **** mounting my wife and then her doing it again. Which led to 4 other middle aged pieces of **** raping her. It's playing over and over and over and over and over in my head. I'm so disgusted that she did this with my son in the other room and went to do it again. I know it's ****ed up but I do t know what to do. My reaction to the news was awful and I made her feel bad instead of being supportive but I was literally freaking out so badly I grabbed my face so hard that I ripped skin off and it's all I can think about. She took off this morning and I haven't seen her in a few hours. Idk if I can be with her anymore. I feel like the biggest piece of **** in the world but I also feel lied to and disgusted. I don't know how to deal with my emotions I never have which is why I turned to drugs when I was younger. Since I've been clean I just bottle everything up. I'm trying to do that now and never speak of it again. I have no one to talk to about this and so I'm posting here. I'm well aware that my response is ****ing disgusting so I'm just looking for some advice.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Umm..

Get help from a mental health professional.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Well anyone would be shocked at that news. Don't feel too bad.

You need to try and calm down you aren't rational at this time.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

I honestly don't believe that she was raped. As she was on drugs, I believe that she serviced these men for the cash that she received to pay for her drugs. If you don't believe her, then you can have her polygraphed about this rape allegation. You knew she was on drugs before you married her. Drug use comes with all kinds of behavior, including committing crimes to pay for drugs.

You need to have a heart to heart talk with your wife. Hold off on your anger. She needs to tell you everything that she had done, so that your healing can begin if you wish to salvage this marriage. You need a marriage counselor if you both wish to remain in this marriage. Sorry you are here, especially that there is a child in your family.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There are many ways you can go on this. 

One thing though. You say you both have "dark pasts". You were both heroin addicts. Do you make each other better? Do you love each other?

Maybe you should both forget your pasts and all the ugliness in them, and instead focus on your future together?


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

Hardcore heroin addiction can lead to all kinds of things. Lying, cheating, prostitution, what did you expect? I'm sure you did things you're not proud of. She probably "dated" her dealers too. Are you really surprised by this behavior? I think the better question is what are you guys doing to stay clean?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Let me get this straight...

You and her were both junkies. 

And knowing addicts like I do (I'm an alcoholic in recovery), you did what junkies do: that is, anything you had to do to get your fix. How many times did you steal money, or hawk sh!t that wasn't yours, to get your dope money? 

And you want us to believe that it never occurred to you once that your ex-junkie wife had most likely traded her body for money to buy her smack? 

C'mon man. Who are you kidding? Not us. You've been living in denial all these years. It should not have been a surprise to you when this came out. To me, it sounds like she cleaned up her act and has been a faithful wife since you married her. And now she admitted it, and you're so sanctimonious you won't even offer her compassion for being gang-raped? 

You know usually I side with the husband in instances where the husband honestly had no idea his wife was a hose-queen before they married. But in your case there is no excuse. You and your wife (then girlfriend) were engaging in a dangerous and unhealthy lifestyle. You both hung out with addicts and dealers. You know firsthand what female addicts do to score money or drugs, and your wife was no exception. 

I think you need to climb down off that high horse and offer your wife some grace. I would imagine many people in your life offered you forgiveness and grace when you were cleaning yourself up, and you can't be big enough to pass that on to her?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ms. GP said:


> Hardcore heroin addiction can lead to all kinds of things. Lying, cheating, prostitution, what did you expect? I'm sure you did things you're not proud of. She probably "dated" her dealers too. Are you really surprised by this behavior?


Exactly.

Not sure how anyone could be surprised by this.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

This one is really beyond our pay grade. Both of you need to get counseling from a mental health professional.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

bandit.45 said:


> Let me get this straight...
> 
> You and her were both junkies.
> 
> ...


Bingo!

As a former heroin addict, OP must know the behavioral changes such a hard ore addiction can cause. 

As a former heroin addict, OP must know the baggage such a person would bring. 

As a former heroin addict, OP has no grounds to complain about anything she did.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Mike0816 said:


> Last night I found out my wife was a prostitute before we met. We were married at 19 after knowing one another for two weeks. I had just moved to a new state and didn't really know anyone. I met her and was instantly head over heels. Now we both had pretty dark pasts we were both heroin addicts I moved here to get away from it and she was still using when I met her. I told her to be with me she needed to get clean and she did. I knew that there was one time she allowed someone to lick her for drugs. But when we were about 7 months in I was snooping through her email and found old emails with a John and confronted her about it. She swore she never went through with it. I believed her and we went on with our lives. Last night we were talking and I don't even know how the conversation came up but I was told that she did indeed go through with it and he was a middle aged man when she was 18. The first time it happened at her house with my now adopted son in the next room I was absolutely disgusted. But then he called again and she did it again but this time at his house. This is where it gets really ****ed up. He picked her up took her to his house and then him and 4 of his friends raped my wife. I am absolutely disgusted by her and can't even look at her. I'm disgusted with myself because it's not her fault but I cannot get the thought out of my head of this middle aged **** mounting my wife and then her doing it again. Which led to 4 other middle aged pieces of **** raping her. It's playing over and over and over and over and over in my head. I'm so disgusted that she did this with my son in the other room and went to do it again. I know it's ****ed up but I do t know what to do. My reaction to the news was awful and I made her feel bad instead of being supportive but I was literally freaking out so badly I grabbed my face so hard that I ripped skin off and it's all I can think about. She took off this morning and I haven't seen her in a few hours. Idk if I can be with her anymore. I feel like the biggest piece of **** in the world but I also feel lied to and disgusted. I don't know how to deal with my emotions I never have which is why I turned to drugs when I was younger. Since I've been clean I just bottle everything up. I'm trying to do that now and never speak of it again. I have no one to talk to about this and so I'm posting here. I'm well aware that my response is ****ing disgusting so I'm just looking for some advice.


first, your emotional reactions are normal. anyone in your shoes would feel the same way about it if they had lived your life. 

now, you found something out about your wife that is causing you distress. it happens, especially when you only knew the person for a couple weeks before marrying them. if you want to get over it, think about where you want to go from here. accept the feelings that you feel. it is ok to feel disgusted. all of those emotions are ok. they are what they are. accept them as being ok and they will start to go away on their own. judge yourself for feeling them in the first place and you will never be able to process them properly. 

emotions will knock on your front door and pass through your house out the back door. if you dont open the door though, they will keep knocking. they will grow stronger and more impatient. eventually, they will bust down the door and beat the crap out of you for denying them passage. 

its best to just keep your door open and watch them pass.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You've both been through the chasm of heroin addiction and have absolutely nowhere to go but up!

Have a fulfilling heart-to-heart talk with her, confess to each other, and then offer up unconditional forgiveness to each other, pledging to move on!

If you can't do that, then you have absolutely no business being married and committed to each other!*


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Dude, you were both heroin addicts and lived in the dregs of society, I do not think that judgemental is the proper position to take in this. I have worked alongside coke addicts and junkies. For some reason my profession was littered with them in the 80's. It's funny but my cousin, who is in the same business, and I kept passing this one guy back and forth between our firms. He was the accountant to the stars. Big practice in LA, then he took a multi-million dollar practice and shoved it all up his nose. Brilliant fuxking guy, could spout tax code for three countries off the top of his head. And every few hours, I'd hear that snort sound. Yuck. People want to know what rock bottom looks like, I saw it first hand. Nobody can afford to be judgemental and those who have seen what the bottom looks like, should think yeah, that is just another corner of hell that she visited while high. Me, I pity her for what she put herself through. That was the disease talking, not her. You know what it told you to do, how about reserving a litlle bit of empathy for her.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I am very sorry this has all happened. This is disturbing news, but I agree with the others that her behavior was normal for a woman in her situation. It wasn't right. It wasn't good. But it was normal. 

People are not basically good. People are basically deeply flawed. All of us are at our core. We have to work to overcome that and hopefully we had good parents who helps us work through the worst of it when we were children, so we could enter adulthood healthy and happy. It doesn't work that way for most people. Which is clear in both you and your wife. I'm sorry it's turned out this way, but here you are. Now you have a choice to make.



Mike0816 said:


> Since I've been clean I just bottle everything up. I'm trying to do that now and never speak of it again. I have no one to talk to about this and so I'm posting here. I'm well aware that my response is ****ing disgusting so I'm just looking for some advice.


Bottling it up inside is not the answer. This will rot you from the inside out. Do not internalize it, but also do not let it explode like lava either. You need to work through this.

Accept that it happened. Forgive your wife for lying to you previously and forgive her for having used her body that way. Have you forgiven her for using her body for heroine addictions as well, because they are equally as bad.

Your wife was gang raped. Let that sink in. Can you imagine if 4 men overpowered you and gang raped you? Do some reading about rape. Most people who are raped hide it. They internalize all sorts of horrible things about themselves from that experience. Your wife is likely suffering from PTSD, plus she blames herself because she got herself into a dangerous situation. Most likely she blames herself for the rape. Don't jump on that bandwagon and blame her for the rape. It was not her fault that she was raped.

Sure it was her fault that she walked into a dangerous situation, but that does not give those men license to rape her. They made that choice, because they were evil. There is zero excuse for what they did. And due to the circumstances you wife would not have felt confident in turning them in, so they got away with it and are still out there probably raping other addicts who are so messed up that they would walk into such a dangerous situation thinking they were doing what they needed to do.

So start by accepting what happened and forgive you wife. Say aloud to yourself, "I forgive (fill in her name) for prostituting her body. I forgive her for being foolish and walking into a dangerous situation where she was attacked and raped."

Now decide to connect with your wife by working through this evil together. She needs help. Do whatever is within your power to get help for both of you. I commend you on not going back to drugs, but you are a walking time bomb, because you have not resolved the issues that led to your addiction and apparently neither has your wife. If you two can help each other and get real help to deal with all the dysfunction in your lives, you would both feel a lot better and function with greater success.

Edit to add: Your wife has come to a turning point where she trusted you enough to tell you. This is a big deal. Do not disappoint her. This could be a turning point in your lives where you grow closer together and your wife gets a little bit of healing by your loving, forgiving response to her confession.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

You tore skin off your face? Better get some professional help pronto or you may well find yourself turning to drugs to cope. Perhaps other destructive behaviors. 

I'm not going to tell you how you should feel about this news, that's for you to figure out. I am curious as to why she now chose to confess. Did she just volunteer it out of the blue or have you been pestering her all this this time?


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

You do need help. Something is clearly wrong with you. A decent human being would have felt incredible sympathy for the person they loved knowing that they once lived like this. Instead, you feel angry. Why? You need help. Don't punish her for a mistake she made in the past that she has gotten past. She was the victim, not you. You are doing the equivalent of us ****ting on you because you used to do drugs.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

You both need to be in therapy. If you are/were an addict then you know the power of addiction. The fact that she did some horrible things for drugs before she knew you shouldn’t be a surprise knowing her background. She told you the truth about some things she was probably ashamed of and you further shamed her. Granted that was no doubt hard for you to hear about your wife but it is what it is. The consequences of addiction are far reaching and they can cut deep. Get in therapy. The past will not go away and it has to be dealt with. And Assess your wife’s character by the things she says and does TODAY. Not by the horrific mistakes of her past.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Nope, no sympathy for either of them. They were both junkies. Both of them were 99% of the time doing highly illegal **** to get their fix.

They big difference in my mind why she rates slightly higher.

He's a damned hypocrite.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

Windwalker said:


> Nope, no sympathy for either of them. They were both junkies. Both of them were 99% of the time doing highly illegal **** to get their fix.
> 
> They big difference in my mind why she rates slightly higher.
> 
> He's a damned hypocrite.


 so you believe the past defines us forever and no one is worthy of redemption?


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

stro said:


> so you believe the past defines us forever and no one is worthy of redemption?


For the most part, yes!

That most certainly includes myself.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Bingo!
> 
> As a former heroin addict, OP must know the behavioral changes such a hard ore addiction can cause.
> 
> ...


thing is, he isnt really complaining about what she did so much as asking how he can get passed it. he said several times that he loathes himself for how he feels about it.  

seems to me like he is just trying to figure out how to recover from the shock and get passed it.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Windwalker said:


> For the most part, yes!
> 
> That most certainly includes myself.


hmm... well, i guess im damned. so is my wife. and my sister. and my brother in law. and my brother. and my sister in law. and my parents...

we be damned! 

:FIREdevil:


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

Windwalker said:


> stro said:
> 
> 
> > so you believe the past defines us forever and no one is worthy of redemption?
> ...


we have obviously had different experiences in life so I will not begrudge you that perspective. I just know I have seen many people like the OP and his wife, who have made horrible life choices, claw their way out and all it took to get them started on that path was for someone to tell them, they are worth it, and redemption is absolutely possible if they are willing own up to their mistakes and put in the work. Granted it is probably more the exception than the rule but I have seen it happen many times.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

As'laDain said:


> hmm... well, i guess im damned. so is my wife. and my sister. and my brother in law. and my brother. and my sister in law. and my parents...
> 
> we be damned!
> 
> :FIREdevil:


Lol.
Join the crowd.
Shall I hold the door open for you?


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

If I'm reading correctly, this ALL happened in her PAST, before she met you. What has she done wrong since she met you, other than lie about her past so as not to risk losing you?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My ex-wife was an escort during her youth as well. I was a criminal. We both had pasts, and she's one of the few people I still trust fully to this day. Past is past.

"Let those who have not sinned cast the first stone", one of the few Christian quotes I like.

But if your wife continued her trade while in a relationship with you, then that's a different story.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

stro said:


> we have obviously had different experiences in life so I will not begrudge you that perspective. I just know I have seen many people like the OP and his wife, who have made horrible life choices, claw their way out and all it took to get them started on that path was for someone to tell them, they are worth it, and redemption is absolutely possible if they are willing own up to their mistakes and put in the work. Granted it is probably more the exception than the rule but I have seen it happen many times.


I have a very odd way of looking at things.
The power of the human spirit does not come from external sources, it comes from within.

But all rights I should have been in prison or dead by now according to the way I was raised and influenced in my early years. That I'm not is a testament to the power of determination. I don't believe in redemption from another human being. All that matters in what's within one's self.

That being said, there are consequences for our actions. Each and every single one of them.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

As'laDain said:


> thing is, he isnt really complaining about what she did so much as asking how he can get passed it. he said several times that he loathes himself for how he feels about it.
> 
> seems to me like he is just trying to figure out how to recover from the shock and get passed it.


The principle is the same.

Has he gotten past his own actions as an addict? If so, then that's how he gets over hers as well.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> The principle is the same.
> 
> Has he gotten past his own actions as an addict? If so, then that's how he gets over hers as well.



actually... that brings up a good question. has he really gotten over his own actions?

when i got over my actions in my past, forgiveness for others past mistakes became incredibly easy...


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

As'laDain said:


> actually... that brings up a good question. has he really gotten over his own actions?
> 
> when i got over my actions in my past, forgiveness for others past mistakes became incredibly easy...


Interesting.

I find it easier to forgive or ghost the other person. Forgive myself? Ha, not a chance.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

As'laDain said:


> thing is, he isnt really complaining about what she did so much as asking how he can get passed it. he said several times that he loathes himself for how he feels about it.
> 
> seems to me like he is just trying to figure out how to recover from the shock and get passed it.


He gets past it by choosing to. He makes the choice and then he practices active love and grace towards his wife until it sticks. 

Anyway, it looks like he bailed.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

GusPolinski said:


> Exactly.
> 
> Not sure how anyone could be surprised by this.


knowing that it COULD have happened is quite different from knowing that IT DID happen though.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

As'laDain said:


> hmm... well, i guess im damned. so is my wife. and my sister. and my brother in law. and my brother. and my sister in law. and my parents...
> 
> we be damned!
> 
> :FIREdevil:


Well I'll be damned!!!:grin2:


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Drugs are a hard driver.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Exactly.
> 
> Not sure how anyone could be surprised by this.


I think it is important to note that he directly asked her and she denied, only to admit to it much later.

So, perhaps he shouldn't have been surprised if the answer was yes when he first asked, but I think it makes sense to be surprised that his wife (who was clean at the time) told him a direct and bold faced lie about her past seven months into their marriage.

The significant lie occurred during their relationship, and is not part of the drug driven past. I think this is grounds to be upset, although it sounds like he would have had the same reaction back when he initially asked the question.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mike0816 said:


> Last night I found out my wife was a prostitute before we met. We were married at 19 after knowing one another for two weeks. I had just moved to a new state and didn't really know anyone. I met her and was instantly head over heels. Now we both had pretty dark pasts we were both heroin addicts I moved here to get away from it and she was still using when I met her. I told her to be with me she needed to get clean and she did. I knew that there was one time she allowed someone to lick her for drugs. But when we were about 7 months in I was snooping through her email and found old emails with a John and confronted her about it. She swore she never went through with it. I believed her and we went on with our lives. Last night we were talking and I don't even know how the conversation came up but I was told that she did indeed go through with it and he was a middle aged man when she was 18. The first time it happened at her house with my now adopted son in the next room I was absolutely disgusted. But then he called again and she did it again but this time at his house. This is where it gets really ****ed up. He picked her up took her to his house and then him and 4 of his friends raped my wife. I am absolutely disgusted by her and can't even look at her. I'm disgusted with myself because it's not her fault but I cannot get the thought out of my head of this middle aged **** mounting my wife and then her doing it again. Which led to 4 other middle aged pieces of **** raping her. It's playing over and over and over and over and over in my head. I'm so disgusted that she did this with my son in the other room and went to do it again. I know it's ****ed up but I do t know what to do. My reaction to the news was awful and I made her feel bad instead of being supportive but I was literally freaking out so badly I grabbed my face so hard that I ripped skin off and it's all I can think about. She took off this morning and I haven't seen her in a few hours. Idk if I can be with her anymore. I feel like the biggest piece of **** in the world but I also feel lied to and disgusted. I don't know how to deal with my emotions I never have which is why I turned to drugs when I was younger. Since I've been clean I just bottle everything up. I'm trying to do that now and never speak of it again. I have no one to talk to about this and so I'm posting here. I'm well aware that my response is ****ing disgusting so I'm just looking for some advice.


Most of the drug users I know will sell some of their stash to their user friends/acquaintances. When you were using, did you ever have sex (or get a bj) with a girl/woman because she wanted some drugs from you? This is a very common thing for a male drug user to do.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

So you knew her for 2 weeks and within that time you:
- learnt everything there was to know about eachother
- both quit a major addiction that I thought took years to overcome
- made sure you properly vetted her before taking legal binding actions (marriage)

You could blame her all your want, but you seem to have some pretty low standards yourself if you married after 2 weeks, yet your not the type of person that can handle dark pasts?...... In two weeks i don't even know someones favourite hobbies yet


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

re16 said:


> I think it is important to note that he directly asked her and she denied, only to admit to it much later.
> 
> So, perhaps he shouldn't have been surprised if the answer was yes when he first asked, but I think it makes sense to be surprised that his wife (who was clean at the time) told him a direct and bold faced lie about her past seven months into their marriage.
> 
> The significant lie occurred during their relationship, and is not part of the drug driven past. I think this is grounds to be upset, although it sounds like he would have had the same reaction back when he initially asked the question.


Maybe I live in a different universe or something, but I don’t find it at all shocking to learn that a heroin addict a) lied or b) prostituted herself while actively using heroin.

Everything else is just a bunch of blah blah blah.

Maybe it’s just a case of managed (and very realistic) expectations on my part.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You don't live in another universe Gus. 

Some of the men in my AA groups are also recovering drug addicts, and the stories they tell about what goes on in drug houses are bone chilling. Gang rape of female addicts is actually quite a common occurrence. Sometimes the women are willing, and then it's just a gangbang. 

Violence is the norm with pushers. They get their clients hooked and basically do whatever the hell they want. There is a reason why drug dealing is such a seductive business.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

All I can add is that I am proud of your wife not only for getting clean (and you, too) but for walking out on your @ss. Seriously, grow up. Your wife literally gave up drugs to be with you, and now that you have discovered how low she was you are going to tear the skin off your face in disgust at her?? And just how do you think your wife is dealing with that betrayal? I truly hope she has some clean and devoted friends right about now.

You need to get over yourself. If this was really rape, shame on you for turning on her when she revealed this tragedy. If it was services rendered, shame on you for carrying on the way you did. You should have tempered your reaction to that shock until you can process it for the sake of your wife.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mike0816 said:


> Last night I found out my wife was a prostitute before we met. We were married at 19 after knowing one another for two weeks. I had just moved to a new state and didn't really know anyone. I met her and was instantly head over heels. Now we both had pretty dark pasts we were both heroin addicts I moved here to get away from it and she was still using when I met her. I told her to be with me she needed to get clean and she did. I knew that there was one time she allowed someone to lick her for drugs. But when we were about 7 months in I was snooping through her email and found old emails with a John and confronted her about it. She swore she never went through with it. I believed her and we went on with our lives. Last night we were talking and I don't even know how the conversation came up but I was told that she did indeed go through with it and he was a middle aged man when she was 18. The first time it happened at her house with my now adopted son in the next room I was absolutely disgusted. But then he called again and she did it again but this time at his house. This is where it gets really ****ed up. He picked her up took her to his house and then him and 4 of his friends raped my wife. I am absolutely disgusted by her and can't even look at her. I'm disgusted with myself because it's not her fault but I cannot get the thought out of my head of this middle aged **** mounting my wife and then her doing it again. Which led to 4 other middle aged pieces of **** raping her. It's playing over and over and over and over and over in my head. I'm so disgusted that she did this with my son in the other room and went to do it again. I know it's ****ed up but I do t know what to do. My reaction to the news was awful and I made her feel bad instead of being supportive but I was literally freaking out so badly I grabbed my face so hard that I ripped skin off and it's all I can think about. She took off this morning and I haven't seen her in a few hours. Idk if I can be with her anymore. I feel like the biggest piece of **** in the world but I also feel lied to and disgusted. I don't know how to deal with my emotions I never have which is why I turned to drugs when I was younger. Since I've been clean I just bottle everything up. I'm trying to do that now and never speak of it again. I have no one to talk to about this and so I'm posting here. I'm well aware that my response is ****ing disgusting so I'm just looking for some advice.


How long have the two of you been married?


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Maybe I live in a different universe or something, but I don’t find it at all shocking to learn that a heroin addict a) lied or b) prostituted herself while actively using heroin.
> 
> Everything else is just a bunch of blah blah blah.
> 
> Maybe it’s just a case of managed (and very realistic) expectations on my part.


OK - admittedly don't have much experience with former heroin users. In my mind it was somehow different and perhaps more painful for OP since she was clean when the lie occurred, but yeah, you're right, I wouldn't trust a former user (clean now or not).


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

She lied to you. She tricked you and trapped you into a marriage by lying by omission about who/what she was and what her value system was. If she told you up front I used to be a hooker and you were ok with that than fine. If she told you before marriage she used to be a hooker would you have still stayed with her? If no than she took that choice away from you via her deception. If you are the type who would never marry a sex worker, who gave away intimacy to strangers for money, if that goes against your sexual value system than I'd say you have no choice but to end this. She took away your choice to decide what you wanted for your life and marriage by not giving you all the info. 

If you would have married a hooker anyway than maybe you can go to counseling and work it out but I'd divorce her immediately. The usual part of hidden pasts is that you still probably don't even know much of it yet. The truth will keep trickling out and new horrible things will continue to be revealed. I highly doubt she has just up and revealed it all. No, there still hooker, drug/sex stuff you still don't even know.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Bingo!
> 
> As a former heroin addict, OP must know the behavioral changes such a hard ore addiction can cause.
> 
> ...


BS

These posters can explain this all away but bottom line. She was a prostitute. She didn't tell you this. Who cares what the reasons were. That doesn't change the fact that she was a prostitute and that she didn't tell him. 

She took away his right to choose whether he wanted to marry a sex worker or not by not telling him. That, in and of itself, is awful.

He has EVERY right to be upset she didn't disclose this before marriage and lied by omission. If he didn't want to marry a prostitute than he shouldn't be TRICKED into it. 

I wouldn't marry a hooker. I don't care if she was on drugs or not or what the back story was. Instant deal breaker. I'd be furious if someone lied and tricked me into marriage by hiding they were an ex-hooker. "Oh but she had reasons......drugs" Who gives a *****. 

It all boils down to whether you would have married her if you had known she was a hooker. If the answer is no than the OP needs to divorce. She kept this from him and he was denied the right to choose whether to marry her with all the info on the table. 

That's evil what she did.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

hinterdir said:


> She lied to you. She tricked you and trapped you into a marriage by lying by omission about who/what she was and what her value system was. If she told you up front I used to be a hooker and you were ok with that than fine. If she told you before marriage she used to be a hooker would you have still stayed with her? If no than she took that choice away from you via her deception. If you are the type who would never marry a sex worker, who gave away intimacy to strangers for money, if that goes against your sexual value system than I'd say you have no choice but to end this. She took away your choice to decide what you wanted for your life and marriage by not giving you all the info.
> 
> If you would have married a hooker anyway than maybe you can go to counseling and work it out but I'd divorce her immediately. The usual part of hidden pasts is that you still probably don't even know much of it yet. The truth will keep trickling out and new horrible things will continue to be revealed. I highly doubt she has just up and revealed it all. No, there still hooker, drug/sex stuff you still don't even know.


You need to read the entire thread.


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