# How do you know you are doing better?



## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

Well, I just have to say. This site has helped me move forward, all the feedback and advice, mostly good, some indifferent has caused me to realize that I do not need someone to complete me. 

I am not ready to date yet however, I do not care, which for me is awesome, I was never single for over any amount of time and now it is almost 2 years. Never thought I would survive..

As I change for the better, I am realizing, you can be a good guy and still survive just fine, best part of this is I am in control now, not like before always giving in. I now have boundaries, quit drinking, personal trainer, making new friends. Don't care any more about my "predivorce" friends who now treat me different... I know it is their issue. not mine. 

This is how I know... Huge for me. How about others?


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I was happy with my life and enjoying every day. All other positive things stemmed from that. I think it's hard to move on if you're miserable.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

When, at the end of the day, I could look back on the day and realize I had not thought about the ex at all, I knew I was okay. When she is brought up in conversation there is no feeling, good or bad, and I know I am okay. I am better than okay I am good, and getting better all of the time.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Hey jam. l recognize stuff in things you've said about myself.
2 yrs for me to yet just this last few wks l've had some nice surprises with people, just out and about to in my new area. Think l'm putting out a different vibe now.
Before that with any people we did know as well as new people, l think l must've been eating too much garlic :rofl: bc they sure treated me differently. l just let it go.
l sorta expected it anyway and some tip toeing . just the last few mths though l seem to be finally finding my feet a little with new people and l feel generally much more happier to .


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

I am finding my foot steps and forcing myself into new situations. Been 3 yr since separated and 4 months divorced for me. Socially, I have not started dating anyone but have started going to happy hours with co-workers, art classes and gym. 

Emotionally I am still somewhat in the weeds with ex dealing with some last legal matters and the everlasting battle of getting him to pay his child support on time but each day goes by with less and less reflection on him and the past.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I can't speak to post divorce recovery, I can only say how separation recovery is going. I won't even sign my dissolution papers until Monday and then I'll have to wait 30 days or so before the final hearing. For now I am just trying to take it a day at a time. I started a thread about the first (firt) day of the rest of my life. I am trying like hell to stay on track. This is my first week in my new apartment and at my new job. So I have had different things to focus on. Tomorrow and Monday are going to be brutal for me though. One day at a time!


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## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

movealong said:


> When, at the end of the day, I could look back on the day and realize I had not thought about the ex at all, I knew I was okay. When she is brought up in conversation there is no feeling, good or bad, and I know I am okay. I am better than okay I am good, and getting better all of the time.


Right on.... 

Funny, how the mention of the name can be a trigger. However when I hear the term "ex" or her name, I have created a trigger that reminds of why I was married and all the great things that I look forward to again.. turned the negative into a positive.


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## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

whitehawk said:


> Hey jam. l recognize stuff in things you've said about myself.
> 2 yrs for me to yet just this last few wks l've had some nice surprises with people, just out and about to in my new area. Think l'm putting out a different vibe now.
> Before that with any people we did know as well as new people, l think l must've been eating too much garlic :rofl: bc they sure treated me differently. l just let it go.
> l sorta expected it anyway and some tip toeing . just the last few mths though l seem to be finally finding my feet a little with new people and l feel generally much more happier to .


in the past my feet were never solidly beneath me, always new that, now it is my choice to have a solid footing... I am getting it.... baby steps :rofl:


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Yeah it sure is , 1 at a time .
Pretty weird , l've been trying to help out a friend going through all kinds of crap right now and she has 3kids in tow.
lt was pretty amazing when l reminded her of what l went through for 12 mths. She was really surprised to bc l seem a world away from it all now and she reckons she never would've known being around me now, l haven't seen her for a few yrs.
lt all even seemed a bit hazy to me now actually, another world, l can hardly believe it.
So it just goes to show really , day at a time, just our baby steps , but we get there eventually don't we .
And all that really inspired her to hang in there which was sorta what l hoped.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Action based stuff - Lost weight, changed careers, and moved cross country to a location that suits me much better. Work out regularly and have taken up a few new hobbies I am really enjoying. Also I've traveled to three new countries and two new states!

Emotional stuff - Single for a year and half, seeing a therapist regularly, and have let go of a lot of behavioral patterns that no longer serve me. Made new friends with similar values and reconnected with good people who I missed tremendously during my marriage. I'm also much better at expressing myself in an honest/dignified way and drawing firm boundaries in personal relationships. 

Things that have remained the same - Occasional trash tv, beer drinking, and spoiling my pets way too much. Further proof some things never change. 

I have more growing to do but feel like I am on a good path. I have learned a lot from TAM and am enjoying the journey. :smthumbup:


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## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

bravenewworld said:


> I have more growing to do but feel like I am on a good path. I have learned a lot from TAM and am enjoying the journey. :smthumbup:


:iagree:

I think the impact of this causes all of us to grow.. For the better.. Congrats on the weight loss that is a real good thing in more ways than one. I am with ya there. Amazing how the effect of BS can have on the ole' body...


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

dajam said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I think the impact of this causes all of us to grow.. For the better.. Congrats on the weight loss that is a real good thing in more ways than one. I am with ya there. Amazing how the effect of BS can have on the ole' body...


Thank you, thank you! Likewise to you! I would love to have a personal trainer - considering getting a second job so I can afford one. I've shed most of the weight but really want to tone up and see where I can take my body/fitness. 

I've already warned my friends "FYI - if I get in really good shape, I'm going to dress ridiculously skimpy for my age and annoy you with lots of FB selfies. Deal with it." 

Their response? "Fine. But seriously, no duck faces."


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