# Well, here goes!



## MitochondriaMakeATP (Aug 26, 2011)

Hey, guys, just your friendly neighborhood Mitochondria here! I stumbled upon this forum by Googling the phrase "married and miserable" after a difficult night with the wife. I'm feeling so trapped lately, more and more each day and I don't know what to do. I feel like I need to talk to somebody other than my usual circle of friends. So, here goes!

My wife and I just got married back in May, after a 4 year courtship. We were engaged for a year, and living together for a little over 3 years. The first 2 years were absolute heaven; I truly felt fulfilled in every way possible and I felt as though she felt the same. We never had a single fight and while we did things that truly upset each other, we sat down and talked about them, rather than shouting at each other. 

After the two year mark things began to slump downhill: No cuddling in bed at night; physical affection as a whole began to greatly decrease. I'm a very physical person; I show my love through small gestures of affection quite often and those kinds of things really mean a lot to me, but now, I give and give and get hardly anything in return. Our sex life went from 4-5 times a week, being really adventurous and trying new things to sex MAYBE once every two weeks; usually more like once a month. When we do have sex, I initiate everything and 95% of the time, I get rejected. It's getting to the point now where I hardly feel like trying anymore. I feel unattractive, undesired and just all around unloved. I guess the last straw for me was when my birthday came around and well, she hardly made a big deal about it at all. I came home from work around 9pm to find her getting ready for bed and she told me that she didn't get me anything for my birthday because she didn't have the time. Apparently my birthday was a complete surprise to her this year. It really hurt me because I routinely plan out her birthday gift (in conjunction with her Christmas gift as her birthday is Dec. 27th) several months in advance, with great thought. Can you see why I am feeling so worthless?

A few weeks ago she decided to quit her job without finding another one and without a word to me until it was done. She was responsible for about 45% of our total income. She told me she just does not want to work a full time job anymore; she's not a "working person" as she so eloquently put it. I have a solid, successful career that requires me to put in 60 hours a week on average. I work very hard to build for our future because someday relatively soon, I would like to own a home and start a family. She is really pushing for us to have children and I absolutely refuse. I will not start a family in an apartment on one salary, with no chance of ever having a bright future for myself or an actual home for my children. I feel betrayed and used. 

Now I know everything I am saying here is probably making this woman out to sound like a horrific, horrible human being, but she really isn't. She's a good, caring person and I know that she loves me. I'm sure she would be absolutely devastated at the thought of a divorce, especially so soon. 

About a month before our wedding date I got completely fed up, sat in the car with one of my close guy friends and just vented about all my frustrations with our relationship. I was so terrified that I was going to make a serious mistake by getting married. I chalked it up to pre-wedding jitters on both our parts and thought it would go away after the wedding, but it has not and I'm now starting to feel so scared and so trapped in this marriage. My trust is shattered (I have absolutely no fear of her cheating on me; I know she would never; this is more trust in her commitment to our financial future, our long-standing life goals and to me, if that makes any sense), I'm so unhappy and I find myself wishing I listened to myself and backed out of this that month before. We live more like room mates now; very little affection between us, we're usually both off doing our own thing. I feel like the first 6 months after marriage should be the HIGH point of our life together and yet this has been as of yet the absolute lowest point and I can't help taking this as a sign that I made a huge mistake.

To make matters worse, my best friend of over 6 years is now working with me at the same level. She's essentially my partner now, so I see her every day at work for a long time. We hang out a lot after work (the wife is usually in bed, wants nothing to do with me when I get home and I refuse to spend the night alone and depressed out of my mind), grab lunch or dinner, sometimes just sit out under the stars until 3am talking about random things. We spend so much time together and I love every minute of it. She and I have the same sense of humor, most of the same interests (she's big on watching sports, I'm not a fan) we get each other on a level we've never had with anyone else. She's been the one person in my life that I have always been able to trust and count on in every situation without exception. She is the kindest, most selfless woman I have ever met. She's brilliant, has an incredible work ethic, she's funny, responsible and extremely mature. On top of that; I absolutely adore her family and they adore me. Her mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles and siblings all treat me as if I'm part of the family and I'm very close with all of them. Her grandparents occasionally joke that it's such a shame I'm taken, because they always wanted me to end up with her. Well, I've caught myself thinking a few times "what if I married her instead?" We've always had an amazing, deep, rewarding friendship and I've always loved her as much as anyone could ever love another person, but only in friendship. Now I feel as though I'm starting to develop romantic feelings for her. We went out to eat late the other night and took one of our friends and her little sister with us. We hung out for a bit then headed back to her place to say hi to her mom who had just gotten home from work. We all ended up having a sleepover at her house right in the living room, because we stayed up talking so late (see how close we all are?) and were too tired to drive. She and I shared a pillow and a blanket on the floor. My heart was racing, I was so happy to be lying so close to her, the two of us were up talking for about an hour after the others fell asleep. It was the most amazing night for me in recent memory. We didn't do anything; I would never cheat on my wife and she would never do that; she and my wife are friends and she's such a sweetheart. Besides, I wasn't the slightest bit interested in sleeping with her; I was truly content. I just wanted to talk to her some more and although I didn't, for fear of things getting awkward, I wanted to wrap my arms around her and snuggle with her. We talked until we both literally passed out. It was an amazing night.

I have no idea what my friend feels for me, other than the deepest level of friendship. She's been single for a while, she works way too much and isn't interested in going to bars to meet guys. Her free time is all spent with either her family or myself and our friends. I know she's been feeling very lonely lately; she craves an intimate (not in a sexual way), loving, romantic relationship just as much as I do. She's told me she does. 

I don't know what to do. I don't want this to become an emotional affair; that isn't any better than a physical affair. It's even worse in fact. I really don't see my marriage getting better, though. We've tried talking about things; I've tried waking up really early on my days off to spend more time with her, we've had date nights, etc.. I still feel like this isn't where we should be, though. And I feel like the biggest scumbag in the world.

I wholeheartedly apologize for how convoluted this post is; I just feel like I need to let this all out before I explode. With all of this; the task of organizing my feelings into anything more coherent is truly daunting! Any help or advice you guys are willing to offer would be greatly appreciated!

Mito


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You are out of the honeymoon stage! Two years is usually when things start getting very real.

Work through it. Dig deeper. Love changes, it gets better if you let it and recognize it's not about how it was in the beginning.

Stop with the other woman. Nurture your marriage.


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## MitochondriaMakeATP (Aug 26, 2011)

that_girl said:


> You are out of the honeymoon stage! Two years is usually when things start getting very real.
> 
> Work through it. Dig deeper. Love changes, it gets better if you let it and recognize it's not about how it was in the beginning.
> 
> Stop with the other woman. Nurture your marriage.


There's being out of the honeymoon stage and there's being treated like garbage by your spouse, apparently because they've gotten the mentality that you're now stuck with them and they can change the rules as they see fit. I don't see how her quitting her job, suddenly ignoring the goals we agreed upon for the past 4 years and telling me I am now responsible for 100% of our income is something attributable to being out of the honeymoon phase. I feel betrayed; I was livid when this first happened and I made sure she knew that. It's not that simple. I find your assessment to be an incredibly unfair platitude.

I realize things aren't just about what they were, but I feel blindsided and I feel like she's just no longer interested in making any effort in any capacity. As far as the other girl goes, she will always be one of the most important people in my life and a dear friend. I will curtail any romantic feelings while sorting out my marriage.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Have you talked to her? Like, REALLY talked to her? No blaming but just, "Where is this coming from?" 

My husband left 2 months ago and we're sorting shet out. We are realizing it ALLLL comes down to our sucky communication skills. Wow. So much crap could have been fixed right then and there if we just TALKED to each other.


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## MitochondriaMakeATP (Aug 26, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Have you talked to her? Like, REALLY talked to her? No blaming but just, "Where is this coming from?"
> 
> My husband left 2 months ago and we're sorting shet out. We are realizing it ALLLL comes down to our sucky communication skills. Wow. So much crap could have been fixed right then and there if we just TALKED to each other.


I did, believe it or not. We have pretty good communication; it's about the only thing that we still have. Things get better for about a week, then they get bad again. I actually sat down and explained to her how her actions made me feel; I tried to empathize with her reasoning and her thought process that brought about her actions. She told me that she still has the same goals, but she lost sight of them. She apologized and said she would make a sincere attempt to find another job in her field and contribute. Then she blew me off on my birthday and 4 weeks later has no lead on a job. She believes her lack of a sex drive is hormonal. I would bet everything I have that this is not the case and some deeper, as yet unknown issue is getting in the way. Nothing is changing. I'm starting to just want it to end.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

In my opinion, quitting her job without consulting you and then saying that she is not a working type of girl is a serious breach of trust. Did she ever give any hints that she believed this way?

That said, the feelings you are developing for your friend cannot make the situation with your wife better, can they? They will tilt you toward exiting the marriage, but not toward the hard work that will needed to help your wife recapture the trust.

I really think you should discuss this with your wife, but focus on the breach of trust and changing the rules. Explain to her that you could not see bringing shildren into a marriage where basic respect and unity are missing. Those are not the types of decisions that married couples make alone. She may take the decision to have children into her own hands, though, given the prescedent. Then, it would be likely that the rules will change where you need to get a second job to make ends meet.

It sounds like you feel trapped and hopeless, but this marriage is still relatively young. If she can see that the two of you must make decisions like this for the good of the marriage, and not her personal wants, there is nothing better than sharing a vision for a happy marriage together. It is really possible that she had fears about some aspect of this job, so she chose to jump out instead of working through it with you. Maybe you can at least committ to giving it 100% to to try to work this, but I think she needs to know how you really feel about the future of the marriage if trust and unity are absent.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

If you truly want it to work with your wife you need to stop hanging out with your friend. It sucks I know but it will only amplify feelings of resentment and doubt for your wife. Everytime she is there to fill the void that your wife leaves you will become closer to her and further from your wife. You say you don't want to have an EA but it sounds like you are pretty close if not already there.
Would you say you are overly nice to your wife? Try do avoid conflict with her?


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## inmygut (Apr 2, 2011)

Whatever you do, don't have children until you work this out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

inmygut said:


> Whatever you do, don't have children until you work this out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:
It is probibly the best decision you have made so far.


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## 30somethingmale (Aug 25, 2011)

in my opinion-

you have already made your decision, and are simply looking for assurance. If you have given up on your marriage, and/or being happy with your wife, then do it. Get a divorce. I think that's what you've already made up in your mind. All I would suggest is before you do anything, try this.

Take the other girl out of the equation for a minute, and try your best to pretend she doesn't even exist, then think about your marriage. Are you still as disatisfied as you were when the other girl did exist? Is this really about your wife being the way she is, or is it about you feeling the way you do towards the other girl? 

Life is all about choices, and risk, and chance. All of these things come into play here, I think you just need to look at it from every angle, and weigh out the risk, chance, pro's, and con's, and then it shouldn't be a hard decision for you to make.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

There are many things going on here.

1. If your sex life deteriorated for 2 years prior to marriage, it was a serious lack of judgment on your part to move forward with the marriage.

2. How can an engaged and then married man have a best friend of the opposite sex for the entire time he is courting his wife? To the point where you are involved with her and her family? 

Now, the thing is, you never should have married your wife a few months ago, if she's been denying sex for 2+ years. But, what you don't see is that there is probably a very strong connection to between her sex drive and the fact that you are living a life that involves 60 hour work weeks, and a close connection with another female.

Really what you have to do is choose one of these females, and dedicate your life to one of them. Right now you are not behaving appropriately buy attempting to nurture two intimate relationships with females.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I agree with that girl about talking to your spouse. But ... it shouldn't be a talk about feelings. It should be a talk about behavior.

The job thing? Wow.
My exe's choice to not be 'a working person' was one of many reasons why she is my ex.
Bottom line, if you have been utterly abandoned in every conceivable by way in terms of intimacy, equity, and simple companionship, you don't have a marriage.

You do need to keep distinct boundaries with your 'friend'. It only muddies the water. 
Quite simply, end the relationship you are in before starting another.

Do you want to save your marriage or end it?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Hicks said:


> There are many things going on here.
> 
> 1. If your sex life deteriorated for 2 years prior to marriage, it was a serious lack of judgment on your part to move forward with the marriage.
> 
> ...




And not to mention SLEEPING OVER AT HER HOUSE? What happened when you went home from sleeping over at your "friend's" house? I'd have to say GROW UP! Sleepovers are for kids and YOU are married and should have been sleeping in your own bed with your WIFE! :scratchhead:


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## southernmagnolia (Apr 12, 2011)

MitochondriaMakeATP said:


> Hey, guys, just your friendly neighborhood Mitochondria here! I stumbled upon this forum by Googling the phrase "married and miserable" after a difficult night with the wife. I'm feeling so trapped lately, more and more each day and I don't know what to do. I feel like I need to talk to somebody other than my usual circle of friends. So, here goes!
> 
> My wife and I just got married back in May, after a 4 year courtship. We were engaged for a year, and living together for a little over 3 years. The first 2 years were absolute heaven; I truly felt fulfilled in every way possible and I felt as though she felt the same. We never had a single fight and while we did things that truly upset each other, we sat down and talked about them, rather than shouting at each other.
> 
> ...


So.......please tell us, do you and your wife fight about your friend? I believe this is the key to all your troubles and certainly could explain why your wife is acting like she is.

You need to wake up and at least be honest with yourself.


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## MitochondriaMakeATP (Aug 26, 2011)

Hey, guys! Sorry for the absence; I was on hurricane cleanup duty in my town. I'll give you guys a quick update:



Halien said:


> In my opinion, quitting her job without consulting you and then saying that she is not a working type of girl is a serious breach of trust. Did she ever give any hints that she believed this way?
> 
> That said, the feelings you are developing for your friend cannot make the situation with your wife better, can they? They will tilt you toward exiting the marriage, but not toward the hard work that will needed to help your wife recapture the trust.
> 
> ...


I tried talking to her. She doesn't understand at all why her actions constituted a severe breach of trust. Unfortunately. She just doesn't get it. She's honestly shocked that I'm not over it. You're absolutely right, though. These feelings are not going to be helpful toward my marriage and I'm starting to come to the conclusion that I need to step back and not allow myself to feel this way. I have to be a responsible adult. Sometimes responsibilities have to come before one's own happiness. Unfortunately.



uphillbattle said:


> If you truly want it to work with your wife you need to stop hanging out with your friend. It sucks I know but it will only amplify feelings of resentment and doubt for your wife. Everytime she is there to fill the void that your wife leaves you will become closer to her and further from your wife. You say you don't want to have an EA but it sounds like you are pretty close if not already there.
> Would you say you are overly nice to your wife? Try do avoid conflict with her?


I feel like the line of it becoming an emotional affair has not been crossed for one reason: My wife comes first in all situations, no ifs, ands or buts. I'm behaving.



30somethingmale said:


> in my opinion-
> 
> you have already made your decision, and are simply looking for assurance. If you have given up on your marriage, and/or being happy with your wife, then do it. Get a divorce. I think that's what you've already made up in your mind. All I would suggest is before you do anything, try this.
> 
> ...


You know, I really want to thank you for your reply. It really got me thinking. I appreciate your help so much!

I don't know. Some days I feel like I'm just fed up and I'm set on moving on, others I want to work things out. After reflecting on the past few months I realized that even when my friend is taken out of the picture, I've felt this way for a while. When all this started she wasn't involved at all.

As for Southern Magnolia: Thanks for jumping to conclusions and judging me when all you know of me and my relationship with my wife is what I've posted here. Unfortunately your contributions are not helpful in the least. You honestly feel that my unwillingness to throw away 3 years of an amazing, truly fulfilling relationship at the first sign of trouble, which happened to be a month or two before my wedding, means I deserve whatever this woman does to me for the rest of my life? I hope you rethink that comment and realize how absolutely insane it was. As far as your assertion that all this has been caused by my inappropriate relationship with my friend goes, you're wrong again. She has never expressed any problem with my friendship and it has never been anything close to inappropriate until very recently, well after these problems started. You know there's a song you might want to listen to, it's called Effect and Cause by the White Stripes. You can't take the effect and make it the cause, Magnolia. Further, her best friend is a man whom she grew up with; they're like brother and sister. He even walked her down the aisle. Jealousy has never been an issue in our relationship and we have never fought about either friend. So please try harder or don't try at all.

Southernwife: Hey, I appreciate you weighing in with your opinion. I realize it's pretty childish. I probably should have been in bed with my wife, but again the point of all this is my feeling betrayed, abandoned and unloved LEADING me to not want to be in bed with my wife. Please try to keep this in mind, guys. I'm not trying to be a scumbag. I make mistakes. Like everyone else. I am human. People do crazy things when they feel like they've been thrown away by most important person in their lives.


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## JamesMh (Sep 3, 2011)

When my wife and I first got married she was planning on going back to nursing school and decided to take a semester off and get acustomed to her new surroundings. I thought ok while Im working 40 plus hours a week she is sleeping at home not taking care of herself, she would clean but that isnt an all day thing and our son was in day care. That really started bothering me as well I know she had the intentions to go back to school and she started looking at schools in the area. What I realized 2 years later when I was out of a job in Miami was that support I had given her and our son wasnt there for me. She was going back to school to get her RN from an LPN and I was told if tyou dont find a job by the end of the month you have to go home. We werent going through a sex slump I would said we would have sex maybe like 2 or 3 times a week but she had these irregular period flows because of a cyst. So you never knew what was going on down there, my point is if she wouldnt do it for you why do it for her. Right now I am sitting in my parents house after being asked to leave our condo wasnt even allowed to say goodbye to my son who had just finished his 2nd day of elementary school. I earned all this threw my lies of smoking pot dont get her wrong but the point Im trying to make is even when I was looking for work after only being out of work like a week and a half she was on my case constantly and I never acted like that to her when I WAS the one paying the bills. Personally it sounds like she is contempt with doing nothing and once a woman has made up their mind they are the only ones who can change it. If you really feel a strong connection with this girl at least tell her how you feel and if it is strong enough leave your wife. That is what I would personally do although I know how hard it is to leave the comfort zone.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

You are having an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR and disrespecting your wife. 

Your wife should have consulted you about getting done work. With her not working she should be able to take care of most work around the house and have more enegy and desire for sex once you remove the third party from your marriage.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Locard said:


> You are having an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR and disrespecting your wife.
> 
> Your wife should have consulted you about getting done work. With her not working she should be able to take care of most work around the house and have more enegy and desire for sex once you remove the third party from your marriage.


I agree with this. 

MitochondriaMakeATP is having an EA. I dont think his wife is that dense as not to notice. The OW is his best friend for 6 years. The wife's behaviour is a reaction to his EA.

MitochondriaMakeATP needs to make his TCA cycle in his own cell and not act like a virus in another cell.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

southernmagnolia said:


> So.......please tell us, do you and your wife fight about your friend? I believe this is the key to all your troubles and certainly could explain why your wife is acting like she is.
> 
> You need to wake up and at least be honest with yourself.


I totally agree with SouthernMagnolia - dude - you ARE in an EA and just a hair breadths away from a PA with your friend. If your woman had any scruples about your involvement with your friend, she shoulda tossed you out on your keester. 

Did you ever think there might be something with her behavior related to your behavior?

I'm all for equal responsibilities, boundaries, etc, but I have to say - did you get her opinion on anything before married, or you assumed you both would work until you decided you have "ENOUGH" to move forward. 

Sometimes things happen and change. If you are wrapped up to much in your "FRIENDSHIP", you'll never know whats going on with her.

DUMP your wife, or DUMP your girlfriend. You aren't being fair to EITHER of them.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but come on! Really?!!


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## MitochondriaMakeATP (Aug 26, 2011)

Ouch guys. It honestly shocks me how many of you are just flat out blaming me 100%. Especially since as I have already explained previously that _her_ best friend is a member of the opposite sex as well. Yeah, I'm sure that everything she's done in the past few months is a reaction to me having a best friend that happens to have genitals that can interlock with my own. I guess it's completely beside the point that you know, _she's got a best friend that does too_. Are you all just not paying attention or is a little logic and reading comprehension too much to ask for?

Let's try this again:


We've been together for more than 4 years. Until the past 5 months or so, everything was great.
My best friend is a woman and HER best friend is a MAN. This has been accepted by both parties and both friends are mutual friends at this point. It has never been an issue.
My friendship started to become inappropriate MONTHS after things started to go crazy. After she quit her job, after she forgot my birthday. Months after she told me she wasn't a working person and didn't want to hold down a job.
The assertion that my friendship has somehow caused her actions does not even BEGIN to make the slightest bit of sense. My friendship becoming inappropriate is the EFFECT and not the CAUSE as it followed all of these things by more than a months time.
I am engaged in an emotional affair and you know what? I don't care. I feel like I'm a slave in my marriage: unloved, abandoned and used. So I gravitated to the one person in my life who's always been there for me. Don't agree with my actions? Nobody said you had to. I didn't come here to be judged by smug halfwits that think they know everything about my situation. I came here for advice. If you can't be objective and helpful, move along.


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## MitochondriaMakeATP (Aug 26, 2011)

Dadof3 said:


> I totally agree with SouthernMagnolia - dude - you ARE in an EA and just a hair breadths away from a PA with your friend. If your woman had any scruples about your involvement with your friend, she shoulda tossed you out on your keester.
> 
> Did you ever think there might be something with her behavior related to your behavior?
> 
> ...


Yeah, she should toss me out, because clearly I'm just a complete scumbag and she's 100% innocent. Guess I smothered her too much these past years huh? Shame on me. Contrary to popular belief however, I actually have control over my genitalia. Shocker, right? Oh and while my wife drinks heavily (and always has, guys. Let's not turn this into talk about how I'm driving her to drink.), my friend and I do not drink ever. So there won't be any "accidents". My friend is also not the kind of person to sleep around. So, I would disagree with your thoughts on how close I am to sleeping with her.

Our plan from the moment we got engaged was that we would both work full time until we placed a down payment on a home and got together a plan for our future, then we would discuss having children. That plan remained in play up until a few days before the wedding, when she started pressuring me to have children soon after the wedding. I refused. I will not have my children grow up in apartments, moving around. I want them to set up roots and have a life of some stability.

Again, my getting wrapped up too much in my friendship is a _recent_ thing. Why does nobody understand this? I realize at this point it's not going to help my marriage and it will just make things more difficult. Which is why I have backed off a lot. Trying to do the right thing.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

MitochondriaMakeATP said:


> Yeah, she should toss me out, because clearly I'm just a complete scumbag and she's 100% innocent. Guess I smothered her too much these past years huh? Shame on me. Contrary to popular belief however, I actually have control over my genitalia. Shocker, right? Oh and while my wife drinks heavily (and always has, guys. Let's not turn this into talk about how I'm driving her to drink.), my friend and I do not drink ever. So there won't be any "accidents". My friend is also not the kind of person to sleep around. So, I would disagree with your thoughts on how close I am to sleeping with her.
> 
> Our plan from the moment we got engaged was that we would both work full time until we placed a down payment on a home and got together a plan for our future, then we would discuss having children. That plan remained in play up until a few days before the wedding, when she started pressuring me to have children soon after the wedding. I refused. I will not have my children grow up in apartments, moving around. I want them to set up roots and have a life of some stability.
> 
> Again, my getting wrapped up too much in my friendship is a _recent_ thing. Why does nobody understand this? I realize at this point it's not going to help my marriage and it will just make things more difficult. Which is why I have backed off a lot. Trying to do the right thing.


What are you looking for? You post your story and someone comments on YOUR information and you get mad at them for commenting on what YOU said saying they only responded based on what information you gave. Really???? How ignorant of them commenting only on what you said.
So I think everyone agreed that your wife deviating from the plan and quitting her job without discussing it with you was wrong. Ignoring your birthday - 2 for her. A drunk, that's 3 for her - O for you. Inappropriate actions with your best friend - 1 for you. 3-1, you win, your wife is worse than you.
Is that what you wanted?
Or how about listen to some of the experienced people here who tell you that your feelings for your friend may be affecting how you feel about your wife. That it is proven once you start feeling for someone else that you start re-writing the history of your current relationship to make excuses why you are justified in turning your affections to your EA.
When you first took offence to someone telling you that you are in full-blown EA, well what the hell do you think an EA is?
You're so busy in right-fighting this that I doubt you'll find what you're looking for here. And somehow I get the feeling you're looking for someone to tell you that your wife is horrible and that what you're doing is understandable.
I don't think your wife is correct. But you're here, she isn't. So yes people will try to help you fix things from the outside in - starting with you.
Judging from your hostility when strangers failed to jump on your bandwagon that you are justified in your actions because your wife is horrible, well unless you take down that wall, I doubt you'll accept any viewpoint that doesn't take your side.
People aren't stupid. You can be as charming as you like but an EA is still an EA. Obviously these close opposite-sex relationships aren't as trouble-free as you'd like everyone to believe because you've developed feelings for your friend.
So your options are fix things with your wife, or move on. Yes your wife's actions were wrong. But so are yours. You only have control over you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sixteen miles (Jan 5, 2011)

Well here is how I see it; you seem to be taken back that most replies have been 100% in favor of your spouse, and that folks do not understand your position! That is because it is still very early on in your marriage and you are already "checking" out of your marriage due to troubles. Marriage is hard, hard work and if you decide to punt early on in the game, then perhaps it was never meant for you to win anyway.

It is normal to turn to friends in times of trouble, but you have taken it way, way to far and are involved with an EA with this OW. Do not kid yourself, your wife knows this and she senses it, I do not think the fact that her best friend is a man has much to do with it. I do not hear testimony that she is chatting with her friend all hours of the night and staying over at his place on over night jaunts.

I think your wife is depressed; or has some type of serious medical or mental situation going on. She has many signs. She left her job without notice or telling you which is very serious, has lack of interest in sex and is not acting normal in everyday life. You stated she drinks alcohol heavily. So she drinks because she is depressed, or is depressed because of her drinking, either way this is serious. Your wife requires your loving attention; as a husband it is your responsibility to focus on her care, not staying up all night chatting with your friend.

I sense a lack of mature approach to this issue on your part, yes your wife has been mean, disrespectful, thoughtless etc. etc. but I think there maybe an underlying and serious reason for her actions. She is your wife man, if you love her, then take the bull by the horns and find out what on earth is going on!


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

MitochondriaMakeATP said:


> Yeah, she should toss me out, because clearly I'm just a complete scumbag and she's 100% innocent. Guess I smothered her too much these past years huh? Shame on me. Contrary to popular belief however, I actually have control over my genitalia. Shocker, right? Oh and while my wife drinks heavily (and always has, guys. Let's not turn this into talk about how I'm driving her to drink.), my friend and I do not drink ever. So there won't be any "accidents". My friend is also not the kind of person to sleep around. So, I would disagree with your thoughts on how close I am to sleeping with her.
> 
> Our plan from the moment we got engaged was that we would both work full time until we placed a down payment on a home and got together a plan for our future, then we would discuss having children. That plan remained in play up until a few days before the wedding, when she started pressuring me to have children soon after the wedding. I refused. I will not have my children grow up in apartments, moving around. I want them to set up roots and have a life of some stability.
> 
> Again, my getting wrapped up too much in my friendship is a _recent_ thing. Why does nobody understand this? I realize at this point it's not going to help my marriage and it will just make things more difficult. Which is why I have backed off a lot. Trying to do the right thing.


My apologies, Mito - I guess I was on one yesterday. I missed the part that there was a SO in your wife's life. Could be something there. Not condoning the EA of course, just asking to make sure you considered that maybe she has feelings that you maybe unaware of.

In my marriage, I often found myself assuming too much that the direction I thought was negotiated for my and my wife was often "one-sided" and wife gave in as she determined I was too hard headed to see it any other way. 

Thought I would offer that as a possible idea.


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## MitochondriaMakeATP (Aug 26, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> What are you looking for? You post your story and someone comments on YOUR information and you get mad at them for commenting on what YOU said saying they only responded based on what information you gave. Really???? How ignorant of them commenting only on what you said.
> So I think everyone agreed that your wife deviating from the plan and quitting her job without discussing it with you was wrong. Ignoring your birthday - 2 for her. A drunk, that's 3 for her - O for you. Inappropriate actions with your best friend - 1 for you. 3-1, you win, your wife is worse than you.
> Is that what you wanted?
> Or how about listen to some of the experienced people here who tell you that your feelings for your friend may be affecting how you feel about your wife. That it is proven once you start feeling for someone else that you start re-writing the history of your current relationship to make excuses why you are justified in turning your affections to your EA.
> ...


Alright, first of all you're taking what I said out of context. What I was getting annoyed with is people doing exactly what you're doing now: reading my post half-assedly, zooming in on one part and jumping to ridiculous conclusions that made absolutely no sense. Please try and pay attention to the entire situation.

I think I've said many times that I accepted that my becoming emotionally involved with this other woman was wrong and that I needed to stop. I don't see what your point is here, other than that yet again, you obviously are not paying the slightest bit of attention. I have come to terms with my mistakes and where I went wrong, what I am taking offense to is everyone who is suggesting my actions came first and they caused her actions. Which is the most ridiculous piece of nonsensical crap I've heard in quite some time.

Now we've already established how you don't pay attention to what you're reading and you're jumping on the blame Mito first bandwagon, let me say this: If I really wanted to hear everyone tell me my wife is a horrible person and I am right, why the _hell_ would I be here? Why in God's name did I say I needed to talk to somebody outside of my usual group of friends, who are _livid_ with my wife for how she's been treating me and keep telling me I deserve better and should leave? Why would I add to my very first post that I wasn't trying to make her seem like a completely horrible person? Please try harder to pay attention here. This is getting ridiculous. Think before you blame; stop jumping into a rage over bits and pieces of my story and ignoring every other goddamn thing I say. I don't care how experienced you claim to be, if you can't actively listen, your experience is worthless at best.



sixteen miles said:


> Well here is how I see it; you seem to be taken back that most replies have been 100% in favor of your spouse, and that folks do not understand your position! That is because it is still very early on in your marriage and you are already "checking" out of your marriage due to troubles. Marriage is hard, hard work and if you decide to punt early on in the game, then perhaps it was never meant for you to win anyway.
> 
> It is normal to turn to friends in times of trouble, but you have taken it way, way to far and are involved with an EA with this OW. Do not kid yourself, your wife knows this and she senses it, I do not think the fact that her best friend is a man has much to do with it. I do not hear testimony that she is chatting with her friend all hours of the night and staying over at his place on over night jaunts.
> 
> ...


Hey, I never said anything about being ready to check out of this marriage. I said I don't know what to do. If I wanted to leave, I would have already. Hell yes it's hard, that's why I'm here. Cut me some slack will ya?

Again, I'm in agreement that I took things too far. I've stopped, completely. I'm sucking it up and making the effort. She's on the phone with him for hours at a time on occasion. He'll call her at 3 in the morning, sometimes drunk and wake me up. She does go hang out at his place after work, quite often. Never slept over, though. Maybe she realizes, maybe she doesn't. I'm going to say she doesn't, because nothing crazy has really happened outside of me sleeping over her place.

I agree, and I am trying right now to make sure she's #1, not just in my actions, but in my thoughts and feelings as well. I'm trying to get to the bottom of all this. I've been doing random things to make her feel special. The other day I cleaned the apartment, took care of dinner and left her flowers. Went pretty well. But I feel like that won't get to the deeper issues obviously at hand here. I don't know what to do.


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## MitochondriaMakeATP (Aug 26, 2011)

On a side note, guys, here's something one of my friends brought up today:

So remember how I mentioned being really close with my best friend's family? Well, she's so fortunate, she has such a loving, closely knit family. They are all so unbelievably sweet and kind. Unfortunately, I've _never_ had that. I came from a very difficult family situation; nothing but fighting and alcohol abuse. Two members of my immediate family died from alcohol related incidents. At this point in my life, I have no family to speak of, aside from my wife and my friends. My wife's family is also a wreck, though she still has both parents. Almost all of my friendships are really close ones. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do are my family for all intents and purposes. A family is something I've longed for for quite some time. Which I'm realizing is why I have gotten so close to the friend's family, why I feel so worried that I may never be financially able to start a family of my own and probably has contributed to my feeling abandoned and unloved. Just a thought.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Keep in mind that people respond based on their own past and experience. And that in a forum like this, their marriages are typically not in (or weren't in) a happy place. That often means affairs, either emotional or physical. And from reading more threads in here, it's easy to see common patterns.

Also keep in mind that YOU'RE the one posting in here, not your wife (obviously). If she was here, they'd be telling her to stop contact with the other guy, and to work on the issues in the marriage without that clouding her mind. But she's not here... The only person who's behavior you truly control is your own, and you're getting advice on what YOU need to do. And it sounds like you're now doing that.

Have the two of you sat down to any form of counseling? You say you have good communication, but if that doesn't turn into some form of action, you may need some new tools in your relationship toolbox.

Good luck! 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sixteen miles (Jan 5, 2011)

Good Job and also solid additional information! First off we are all here to help and sometimes "cutting folks slack" does not always help. You have to call it as you see it sometimes to provide some support and assistance.

You are taking the right steps and now I sense you have a plan. Helping around the house and supporting is good, and flowers are always a bonus, but you also need to set strong and solid guide lines for your marriage. Cutting off or down on your interaction with your friend is what was needed and now your focus can be on your wife and her needs. You did not mention before her interaction with her friend and she is also way off base. A guy calling at 3 AM half in the bag and waking you guys up is not going to cut the mustard; not acceptable!

I am sorry to hear of your family and your situation growing up as well as your wife's background. This is very tough. You mentioned your wife drank heaviliy even before you were married and this may have been a red flag for others, but not for you as you had drinking troubles in your family. You deeply cared for and loved folks who had the same troubles as did your wife, so that is why you had no troubles being attracted to your wife. For her well being though, you have to know this is a cycle that you have to break! I agree with your self realization as to why you adore and get along with your friends familiy so well and to be honest that maybe why you are so attracted to them (her). I also sense though, that you love your wife deeply and want this all to work. Good job on your part!

You may not realize it but you have started a plan now, cutting off the EA was a big step. I would sit down with your wife and have a very serious and sound discussion. Tell her very STRONGLY all the things that are not working and tell her that you have cut off your friend to concentrate 100% on your marriage. I would suggest you tell her to do the same with her buddy, this very day, right now. She also needs help with the drinking; I think this and other things in her life are leading to her depressed situation. Support, guide and help her, but also be very strong and exact that all this has to be corrected for the marriage to improve or even continue. The heavy drinking has to stop and you need to drill down to what exactly are her mental or medical needs.

You sound like a smart chap, and seem like you recognize already deep in your heart and mind what is needed, now it is time to act and speak to your wife strongly from your heart.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

You did let out quite a bit more information from your first post with your subsequent posts. 
This may not be helpful, but do you ever think a relationship shouldn't have to be this hard? That maybe you and wife made a mistake and before kids and mortgage are involved, just get out?
I know people give up too easily and should look at exploring all options before checking out, but we're talking a whole lot of fixing 
-alcohol issues
-inappropriate friendship 
-huge communication troubles 
-difference in future plans
-her attitude change
-her 'undesirable' family background

If you have no financial ties and no kids, why waste time trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Maybe you simply made an error???

My brother was in a 20 year marriage. They annoyed each other - nothing huge - just he's carefree and goofy and funloving. She's my impression of a school marm. Prissy - work-work-work. She wasn't a bad person, they just didn't click. It took 20 years to fizzle out (well she started having affairs) and my brother is in a new relationship with someone more like him. His recent quote: I didn't realize a relationship didn't have to be so f***** hard until now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You are suffering because you have no boundaries. I advise you to consider making it a deal breaker boundary for you and your wife to attend marriage counseling sessions to address and resolve the issues that have caused this emotional and sexual distancing. 

No one, man or woman, should have to endure this kind of treatment so soon after getting married. She either gets serious about resolving this issue with you or the marriage ends.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Its very admirable that you have been willing to make the changes on your end to support a healthy marriage. I know it was hard to back away from the close friend, when she felt like the only person listening and caring. I just wish there was a tried and true approach to getting her to meet you half way. I think sixteen miles hit the nail on the head. Time for serious talk, which includes revealing that the future of the marriage depends on this. Through counseling, reading about meeting each others needs, and lots of discussion, I think it is critical that she agree to some basic assumptions going forward, much like what you have already done yourself. Things like boundaries on friends of the opposite sex, an agreement about expectations for working, intimacy, and having children.

Through all of this, Mito, remember to reinforce that your love for her, and desire to have a strong marriage, are the reasons that you must be firm in your expections. Through your post, its clear that you want genuine intimacy. Let her know as she is hearing the tough love.

As a side note, have you looked at some of the 'manning up' links here? You seem like a determined, strong person, but all of us often interact with our spouses differnetly. Just wondering if you might be vulnerable to a bit of the nice guy behaviors with her, when she needs to also see the same passion she saw when you initially pursued her.

I really hope you can keep us abreast of the status.


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## MitochondriaMakeATP (Aug 26, 2011)

Thanks guys. I appreciate all the help. I know it's not always a good thing to go easy on people. You guys did help me to realize that I needed to cut things off with my friend before they got any worse. So, thank you.

I think GolferGirl hit the nail on the head here. I really want everything to work out, I want this marriage to succeed. I love her with all my heart. I'm absolutely terrified that I might be making an incredibly stupid decision, though. I'm so afraid that I might be further digging the hole I put myself in when I didn't recognize these warning signs and when I didn't choose to end the relationship when things started to go very wrong. What the hell am I doing? Everyone keeps telling me that I put in way too much effort and I must enjoy being miserable.

I'm in my 20's, I have quite some time ahead of me. If this kind of **** is happening now, what guarantee could I ever have that even worse things won't be waiting for me down the line? I thought marriage was supposed to be an equal partnership; two people against the world. I haven't felt so alone in such a long time. I feel like this is just so wrong. I want kids, I really want a family again. I want a house; I want to be the one to host family gatherings and to get what's left of my family back together again. What happens if I put in years of hard work to get this on track and I get burned again? I feel like I don't have anyone now. Maybe this really is too much to fix. How the hell does my marriage stand a chance when I'm going through the same problems many people don't face until years into there marriage, only within the first few months? What the hell chance do I have? I mean, who goes through marriage counseling when they just got married!

So we had a lovely fight tonight. She's pissed off for as she put it, throwing the whole sex thing in her face. She's convinced it's a hormonal problem with her. Bull****. The desire is there, it's not like she isn't doing anything when I'm at work. It's just the desire to be with me that isn't there and that has nothing to do with hormones. She's not ending or backing off with her 10+ year friendship either. Somehow I didn't think that was going to work. She's extremely upset and I'm pretty frigging pissed off myself. She started drinking right after the fight too. It never bothered me until recently, but she drinks almost every damn night and she drinks alone; I don't drink. She'll get drunk to the point of puking her brains out sometimes (albeit very rarely). 

As for the whole nice guy thing; I don't think I've fallen into that trap. I learned my lesson years ago that being the nice guy was a serious problem. I've actually gotten a lot of confidence since then and I'm a lot more aggressive. 

Maybe I did just make a mistake? If things are going to end, they need to end before we get in too deep. I don't want it to end, but I don't know what to do. Am I being irresponsible for wanting to continue? Am I lying to myself and being naive? Are relationships, marriages even, really supposed to be like this? This difficult? I barely paid the rent last month. If anything unexpected comes up, I'm going to be the hardest working homeless guy in the world. I'm sorry guys, bad ****ing night.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

On the plus side, you're much better off to have these issues now, rather than after you start a family and feel trapped for the next 18 years... If the two of you can learn the skills required to fix things now, I would think you have a chance at a strong relationship going forward. But even if you don't fix things with your wife, you can take those same skills to the next relationship. Take the good things, not the baggage!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

PBear said:


> On the plus side, you're much better off to have these issues now, rather than after you start a family and feel trapped for the next 18 years... If the two of you can learn the skills required to fix things now, I would think you have a chance at a strong relationship going forward. But even if you don't fix things with your wife, you can take those same skills to the next relationship. Take the good things, not the baggage!
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



While I know marriage is a lot of work, the ultimate goal isn't 50 years down the line, 'man it was tough! I wasn't happy 90% of the time, but we made it! I'm miserable, but I'm still with her!'
My H and I are struggling and that's why I came to the boards. We have a blended family and I think he's too hard on my kids and he has some weird quirks that make living with him sometime tough. But he's trying. He's in counseling, we're talking, he's communicating - it's maybe 70% good 30% bad. But he's trying - I'm not in this alone trying to make things better. He's not in it alone either. It's not all him, I'm in counseling too and I need to do some changes as well.
The first year of marriage is tough. But because you are learning to live with someone and their quirks, not because someone thinks they got you and don't have to try anymore (I'm going to quit my job and do nothing, hang with who I want and drink my face off).
I agree with above poster.do the work (DON'T have kids or deep financial ties) and if it's not meant to be, use your Newfound skills in your future relationships.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

She was wrong to just up and quit her job like that. As a woman, I cannot fathom doing something like that. But then again, I can't fathom not working, so that is that.

You need to sit down and talk to her asap about how you feel regarding sex, financial issues, her lack of a job, and other issues. get into marriage counselling. Make a plan together and work at it together. 

STOP having sleepovers at your lady friend's house. *You ARE having an emotional affair.* It will do NOTHING but create more problems in your marriage for you. Promise. In fact, it's best you limit your contact w/ said friend to strictly work because you are THISCLOSE to taking it up a notch. It's evident from all of your posts.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> She was wrong to just up and quit her job like that. As a woman, I cannot fathom doing something like that. But then again, I can't fathom not working, so that is that.
> 
> You need to sit down and talk to her asap about how you feel regarding sex, financial issues, her lack of a job, and other issues. get into marriage counselling. Make a plan together and work at it together.
> 
> STOP having sleepovers at your lady friend's house. *You ARE having an emotional affair.* It will do NOTHING but create more problems in your marriage for you. Promise. In fact, it's best you limit your contact w/ said friend to strictly work because you are THISCLOSE to taking it up a notch. It's evident from all of your posts.


Unless I completely misread, he commented a few posts back that he did back off of the relationship with the female friend so that he could put his marriage first. Now, he's asking his wife to do the same thing, although her relationship is much deeper.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ On 9/5 he posted/admitted to an EA, then his next post (same day) suggested he backed off though he didn't say how or what he did or said to the OW exactly to "back off"-- then yesterday he posted about how the OW has a family that is like his own and he wished he has always had. Like he is still romanticizing her.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Call me cynical but I suspect that she is probably more emotionally involved with her male best friend that she would like to admit. If I were you I would start investigating it more thoroughly, if for nothing else than for your own peace of mind.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> ^ On 9/5 he posted/admitted to an EA, then his next post (same day) suggested he backed off though he didn't say how or what he did or said to the OW exactly to "back off"-- then yesterday he posted about how the OW has a family that is like his own and he wished he has always had. Like he is still romanticizing her.


I'm just throwing this out there, because I'm 100% against affairs, but could it be he just made an error in his marriage? We're talking pretty major issues right after the wedding. I'm all for giving it your all and not making marriage 'disposable', but if all was well at home, would he even be thinking about his friend? At so early in the game should it already be so hard? We're not talkin 'he doesn't hit the hamper with his socks', we're talking both heads are being turned by others, she figured she got him, so bango quits her job (no compromise on her part), she drinks and his needs aren't even a discussion - it's 'that's what I'm doing - too bad for you'.
I mean even if OP is in the fog and half of what he says is true - if that's your first year - what will she be like when he's really tied with mortgage and kids?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yeah you make good points, GG. That early in the game, they shouldn't be having so many problems. Her quitting her job so quickly and without warning to me is a huge red flag. It's nuts to me anyone would do that. But then again, I don't understand not having a job/career. Drinking every day is also a major problem.

With that said, him spenidng the night at his lady friend's house and sleeping with her -- same lady friend he has romantic feelings for -- is NOT going to cure the problems within his relationship with his wife. It will only add to them and make things 20x more complicated/difficult.

He and his wife need to sit down and really talk to eachother before this blowsup into an ACME explosion.


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## MitochondriaMakeATP (Aug 26, 2011)

morituri said:


> Call me cynical but I suspect that she is probably more emotionally involved with her male best friend that she would like to admit. If I were you I would start investigating it more thoroughly, if for nothing else than for your own peace of mind.


I really don't think she is. I mean, I guess she could be, but I sincerely doubt it. I feel like they're just good friends and it really hasn't ever bothered me. 

Sorry if I wasn't clear enough before, guys: I've told my friend that I feel like I have a whole hell of a lot of **** to work out with my wife and that I feel like we shouldn't be hanging out quite so much anymore. I told her that I feel like I'm in a very vulnerable state, my thoughts and feelings are just all over the place, because of everything that's been going on and I don't want anything to happen to disrespect either my marriage or my friendship with her any further. She understands completely and is going to give me my space. She's such a sweet human being.



golfergirl said:


> I'm just throwing this out there, because I'm 100% against affairs, but could it be he just made an error in his marriage? We're talking pretty major issues right after the wedding. I'm all for giving it your all and not making marriage 'disposable', but if all was well at home, would he even be thinking about his friend? At so early in the game should it already be so hard? We're not talkin 'he doesn't hit the hamper with his socks', we're talking both heads are being turned by others, she figured she got him, so bango quits her job (no compromise on her part), she drinks and his needs aren't even a discussion - it's 'that's what I'm doing - too bad for you'.
> I mean even if OP is in the fog and half of what he says is true - if that's your first year - what will she be like when he's really tied with mortgage and kids?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're exactly right. This is scaring the **** out of me more and more. She's agreed to look for a new job and is starting to make an effort, but only because I fought with her about it, not because she wants to or feels it's the right thing to do. If I had to fight so hard for this now, what's going to happen later on? I don't want to be trapped any further. At this rate, I don't see the trust in our relationship being repaired enough for us to have kids anytime within the next several years. What would happen if we had kids? Would she say she needs to stay home and take care of the kids, use that as an excuse to never work again? I can seriously see her doing that and the thought honestly terrifies me.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

morituri said:


> Call me cynical but I suspect that she is probably more emotionally involved with her male best friend that she would like to admit. If I were you I would start investigating it more thoroughly, if for nothing else than for your own peace of mind.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

The way I tally it up she's betrayed the marraige 3 times.

1) Quitting her job...SELFISH
2) The male "friend". 
3) The lack of intimacy.

When a man is getting so little intimacy that he can lie next to a warm body and feel content just SPEAKING to her...he's not getting fullfillment from his wife.

You're young. Decide now if this is what you want. People are too quick to divorce, but others are too stubborn to realize when things are not a match.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

MitochondriaMakeATP said:


> I really don't think she is. I mean, I guess she could be, but I sincerely doubt it. I feel like they're just good friends and it really hasn't ever bothered me.
> 
> Sorry if I wasn't clear enough before, guys: I've told my friend that I feel like I have a whole hell of a lot of **** to work out with my wife and that I feel like we shouldn't be hanging out quite so much anymore. I told her that I feel like I'm in a very vulnerable state, my thoughts and feelings are just all over the place, because of everything that's been going on and I don't want anything to happen to disrespect either my marriage or my friendship with her any further. She understands completely and is going to give me my space. She's such a sweet human being.
> 
> ...



I can see her saying kids aren't for me...I'm moving to an appartment. Here you go.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sinnister said:


> The way I tally it up she's betrayed the marraige 3 times.
> 
> 1) Quitting her job...SELFISH
> 2) The male "friend".
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


When taking a test It is known that your first answer is usually the right answer and not too second guess your self.

when this started to go down hill you thought I'm getting the short end of the stick here and you are right. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN shes a bad apple.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Best friendships with members of the opposite sex, while married, especially when those other people aren't married, is a recipe for disaster.

My W had a very close male friend and fell in love with him. Took her 20 years but it finally happened. And now we are left dealing with the sh*tstorm that is left. We are doing pretty well now, but I'm telling you, this pattern isn't going to make for a successful marriage. 

If you do choose to leave your W, don't do it for the friend. Let time pass first.


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