# Nurses...mortgage...



## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

My story is at the bottom. I've been posting at another forum, but would like advice here too.

I moved out of my house the day after DDay. I took all my stuff with me.

Two weeks after dday, I found out that she signed up for 3 different dating sites. One was the same one that I met her on. She even has the same nick name that she used 8 years ago. She has since been emailing & chatting up guys everyday that she has met on the dating site. It is exclusively for BBW. She does this late at night, while at work, etc.


Finally, I had enough. I went to a lawyer & told them what happened. They said that we live in a no fault state & it didnt matter what she did.


Long story short, I have been trying to get an agreement between her & myself. Basically, leave with what is ours individually. The only think to work out is the house.

So far this has been her response.

Hey Jeff,
So I decided to run the agreement over with a lawyer to help me understand it. He basically talked to me about home selling options, since that's really all we have to settle between us.
He said that since the house is prob worth about $185k per zillow.com, that we could just put it on the market ourselves and try to sell it...and take anything over $180k and split the difference between us. This option would at least save our credit. He says a quick sell is usually only granted if the owners have not paid the mortgage for at least 6 mos. And we would still owe money at the end anyway. There will be no profit/proceeds for us with this sell. I can send you $400/mo to go towards the mortgage every month until we sell the house, but we need to agree on a loss that we will split. Like...we agree to accept any offer of $180k and over so we can get out from under this house. Then we would split what is still owed. But we have to agree on something that is reasonable because I don't want to be bound to sending $400/mo for years while the house goes unsold because we set the price too high...that's not smart...it will end up costing us both more in the long run if we do that. I came up with $400 because its the average cost of the cable and utilities I was paying. I can keep you on my cell plan and keep paying that until I can stop the $400/mo. If we don't agree on a reasonable selling price, then I'd want to put a cap on how long I send the monthly $400....like 9 mos or something...we will come up with an agreed time frame..
I agree with everything else...keep what was ours...keep our own 401k, no alimony, split household items/assets, be responsible for our own cars and payments, split IVF refund...the tax refund for 2011 was put towards the IVF though...so at this point its part of the same sum that will be the IVF refund...
I plan on talking with my travel nurse recruiter today and finding out the details of that, but I hope to be doing that by Oct...will figure out living arrangements. You should move back in the house ASAP though...like I said...I will try to be out by mid Sept...like the 18th.
Tell me what you think. I also want this to be as fair as possible without dragging the home selling out for longer than is needed.
WW 



--------------------------------
Hello,

I recently (Sunday July 15th) that my wife of 6 years has been having a 2-1/2 month online relationship with a man she met on some dating chat website.

Here is some background of us:

My Past marriage:
I was previously married before from 99'-04'. To make a long story short, I believe that she left because she had met another guy who worked in the same profession as she did (law enforcement). I didnt have full proof since she worked for the state gov't & used their phone system/email. Anyway, after about 3 months of her leaving, I eventually filed since I could not get her to cease contact with her 'friend' as she put it. By this time I had found this website & ordered Dr Harley's books. We were officially divorced in May 04'.

My Current Marriage:
About Sept 04', I met my current wife. We met on a dating website. We sent emails & talked on the phone all the time. I really felt a connection with her & trusted her since she was different type of person from my previous relationship.

After about a month or so of phone calls / emails, we arranged to meet. The online dating scene was very new to me, so actually meeting someone online felt strange. I went to where she lived (about 2-1/2 drive...I lived in Tallahassee, FL, she in Gainesville). We went out on a date to a fancy sushi place....I remember being really shy. Later on that night, we did become physical. I have to admit, it felt strange to do this. I remember her asking me if we were now bf & gf. I told her yes.

Anyway, she told me that she had been on dating sites for a few years & that she did meet some men on them. But that they never became serious. This did concern me though since I had gotten out a marriage that ended with probably infidelity.

We kept dating until that Christmas when I asked her to marry me. About 4-5 months later she moved up to be near me & got a job at the local hospital as a nurse.

Between getting married & now, we have had a few ups & downs. She complained to me that I was not the same person that she first met. That she felt annoyed by some of my habits such as...I've always been shy & have had a hard time looking at people when I talk. I had some issues with her as well.

About 4 years ago (2 years into marriage), we went to a marriage counselor & discussed some of these issues. It was during this counseling time that I discovered that she was contacting two men via texting & phone calls (3-4 months worth - about 300 texts/calls).

One she met on the internet before she met me & the other she knew personally as a nursing student.

As far as I could tell, these conversations were inappropriate in the fact that she would contact them when I was at work, on her way from work to home or when I was out of town. If they were ok conversations, then she should have been able to talk to them in front of me.

I remember reading her conversation to one guy (the nursing student guy…the one she had actually known) about how she wished that she had pursued a relationship with him.
She told him that I was a selfish only child that didn’t put anyone first in his life.
It really hurt me to read all that.

I exposed all this during one of our counseling sessions & we worked thru her doing this. To me I thought we had reconciled 7 she promised she would never do that to me again.

The guy she met online, has on occasion contacted her via text or facebook. I think he has even contacted her via facebook within the past 2 weeks…he always starts off by saying “Hey Sexy!”.


Current Situation:

My wife has always wanted a child. We found out that only IVF could help us. We went thru the process this past January & the doctor told us that she did not have enough eggs to make IVF worthwhile. But that donor eggs & adoption was an option.

My wife & I were hurt hearing this obviously. She decided that maybe taking a supplement (one she read about online) could help her produce more eggs. She was desperate to have her own biological child. Having a donor egg was out of the question for her since she thinks she could not get over the fact that the child is not biologically hers. I was more than ok with having a donor egg & would have supported her in any way.

I really thought that Feb, March & April, she was doing ok. I couldn't sense anything that made me think things were sad for her. But from about mid May till this past Sunday, I could really sense something was wrong. She was very distant to me, we weren't intimate, she started sleeping in our spare bedroom (saying I snored), and keeping her phone by her all the time.

I would go to work in the morning with her still asleep, then when I got back later, she would be on the couch with her phone or kindle. Our house was a mess, dirty dishes, etc...she would just stay on the phone & her kindle all day. I know she read romance novels on her kindle, even though she said that she didnt. One novel was the 50 Shades of Grey series. She liked the vampire romance novels too. I she let me read some...it seemed too sexual & explicit.

Recently I could not take any of the distant feelings I was getting from her. I had a notion to check her email. (I knew how to do this due to the last time she was in contact with other men.)

To my surprise I found about 2 months worth of conversations that had made with this guy she had met online. I think she had met him on a dating website such as BeNaughty, since one email that she received was an advertisement for this site. It doesnt matter which one it was, since she knew all about dating websites before she met me.

When I was reading all of it, I was trembling. My hand could not keep still. At first they had sent texts to each other. This progressed into more sexual talk. Eventually they made reference to phone calls to each other. They even talked about the pictures of his genitals that he sent to her. She sent pics of hers to him as well. I even think she sent pics of her fondling herself as well. They had cybersex talk that is too graphic & explicit to repeat. I believe they even talk on the phone as they mutually masturbated.

They talked about meeting one another & set a date. I think this guy is in Illinois but had some sort of connection with Orlando. My wife was prepared to go down there, meet with him & have their 'first date'.

She was doing all this when I was at work, while she was at work, while I was in the same room as her & while I was asleep. She would wait till 3 or 4 am to talk to him on the phone. I think she made reference that she would check on me to make sure I was asleep so that she could talk on the phone with him.

I knew that me confronting her would do no good. I left to my work so I could calm down. I then sent her mom an email telling her that something was happening btwn us. Her mom responded that she would talk to her later about it. But I could not wait for my wife to get her story together & tell my mother-in-law some lie. So I forwarded a transcript of cybersex talk to her mom. I had to expose to someone that my wife looked up to (her mom) if we were to get anywhere. She must have contacted my wife about it, b/c I got a text saying we needed to talk.

So I went back home & my wife was folding clothes. She didnt start talking to me about anything. I guess she was waiting to see what I knew. I told her what I found out. Her response was that she had been unhappy for a long time. I told her to stop, that I didnt want to hear it. That telling me this sort of stuff was just a justification she had worked out in her mind.

I asked her to end contact with this other guy….she didn’t respond at all. So I knew my answer from her & left.

The next day (Monday) I took off work & loaded up all my belongings, clothes, etc. I told her that she could live in the house, that I had paid for this month’s mortgage.
I knew I could not live with her if she were to stay in contact with this other guy.

Her mom must have sent her an email telling her that she needed to end all contact with this other guy. Her mom told her that this was an evil act & that she did not need to belittle herself in doing this.

My wife texted me all that day saying that she was sorry for what had happened. That I had hurt her since her mom now knows what is going on. That I have ruined her relationship with her family.

We kept texting back & forth on Monday & Tuesday.
I asked her that if I never found out about all this, what was her initial plan going to be. She told me that she was going to wait until this weekend to tell me that we were separated. I asked her if she was going to ever let me know that this other guy was involved. She said that wouldn’t have let me know b/c she didn’t want to hurt me anymore than she had too.

She felt that this other relationship she has with this other guy, has nothing to do with us.
That we are just not meant to be with each other, that our personalities are too different.

I told her that she could stay in our house as long as she wanted & that I would be back to get the rest of my stuff.

Wednesday came & I felt that more exposure was needed. I believed she was still in contact with this other person, so I let a few of her friends know. I sent them emails describing what was going on. I did this is a calm way. In no way did I try to demonize her or say hurtful things about her. I just wanted help…an intervention.
I sent a copy of the transcript as an attachment. In my email I warned those that they did not have to read it since it was graphic. They would have to click on it separately in order to read it.

One of her friends then phoned her saying that they got the email from me & that I should have never gotten them involved…..they felt that her email had been hacked by me & that she should contact Yahoo in order to get it fixed. I really thought a friend could help us, but I guess not. I wonder what they would have done if I told them that she was addicted to heroin or cocaine. Would they have helped then.

My wife then started firing off texts to me that I have ruined her life by telling some of her friends. (I actually only emailed 6 or 7…I figured out a way to send the email to undisclosed recipients. Some didn’t get the email…it went to their spam folders).

She would say that she was going to have to find another job now & move far away from here. I told her that some did not get it & that I sent another email explaining to not read the previous email. I explained that if I didnt expose it all, no one would believe me. They would have just thought I was lashing out in revenge due to an argument that she I was having, etc.

I told her to tell her friends that I was crazy & going thru some tough stuff right now…that my head is not straight.

She responded that she didn’t know how my family could forgive her & how she could look them in the face.

As of now, I am not sure if she has stopped contact with this guy or not.
I sent her a letter yesterday saying that she can get forgiveness.
I told her that I know that I had not met her emotional needs & that I am prepared to do so. That we can work thru all this. And that we can work on being the best for each other.
The only stipulation is that she just needed to end her contact with this other guy.

She responded this morning saying that she has read my letter. She states that she needs time for her to process all this & that the other guy in no longer in the picture.
She doesn’t know if we can work this out or not, but that she still loves me whatever the outcome may be.

My cousin called me this morning saying that on my wife facebook page, that my wife friended this other guy on Thursday night.

So, here I am, in limbo I suppose. I want to work it out with her. As I have stated, we’ve had some fidelity issues in our relationship before.

I’m not sure what my next step is to be.



Wife's Cyber Cheating - Pastebin.com

Its in a reverse order timeline...I've removed the names.



Me – 41
Her – 37
No children


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Good job so far on exposure. You should also track down the other man and expose to his wife and family.

Let her stomp around mad. It only lasts a little while. Then the whole gravity of what she is throwing away will hit her. It's at that point that you'll know if there is any chance or not.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

Actually we are way beyond exposure. OM is single...living in Chicago..we are in Florida.

We are heading for D right now.


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## Mr steal your girl (Aug 11, 2012)

How about you make up a profile and sucker her in with a totally different person. Lay your game down, get her to talk about her dating status, or her marriage to see what her real problem is. Make sure you can get her to send sexually charged messages to this fake profile. Expose these messages far and wide to everyone that she knows.

What she has done is foul and disgusting. She's a serial online cheater. There is no working it out with this woman. This is who she is. Why do you want to work it out with a woman that is talking to three different guys at the same time?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Good job on the exposure. You did exactly what was needed.

She's lost in la la land of affair fog and doesn't realize what she's thrown away for done guy she's never met.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

Oh the guy is gone as far as I know. I think what she did was for making herself desired by other men. Its all about her.
Kind of like an exit emotional affair.

Read the script: http://pastebin.com/w5U0YL40



My concern now is about our house.
We have a $1800 mortgage. She now wants to be a travel nurse (I think it is b/c she thinks she can run away from all this).

Well, she just wants to contribute $400 a month for a max of 9 months, until we sell the house.

Her housing from being a travel nurse is either free or the travel nurse company she works thru will give her a stipend (kind of like a bonus) to use for housing. I've read on nursing forums that it can be about $800 a week.

So, i think she is trying to make a profit on me. 
Her plan is for me to pay $1400 & for her to pay $400 towards our mortgage.

In essence, if she gets free housing, she is just having to pay $400 out of pocket. Or if she gets a housing stipend of $2400 a month, $400 is pocket change in order to keep our house from foreclosing.

She is a bi-tch either way....


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Ahhh...I think I'm beginning to see your dilemma Jeff.

She had the affair...

But you get f**ked.

Seems fair.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

yes, it seems that way.
Being in a No Fault state, makes it that much harder.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Why is it that I always imagine that wayward wives act like Jennifer Tilly in the movie 'Liar, Liar'?!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

What is the fair rental value of the house? Are you going to be living in the house?

I actually thought her proposal was somewhat fair assuming the rental value is at least $1,000.

Think about it. If you rented it out for $1,000 then you would both be 50/50 responsible for the shortfall which would be $400 each. If you rented it out then you would both have to find a rental place to live and you would be out those rents and utilities as well.

You aren't entitled to any of her housing allowance once you've separated. Sounds like sour grapes.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

My plan is to live in the house. Her plan is to leave & become a travel nurse. Not renting out the house.
Plan is to sell as quickly as possible.

She only wants to pay $400 a month for a maximum of 9 months. If we can't sell the house in 9 months, she doesnt want to be responsible for it.

She gets free housing or a stipend of about $800 a week for housing for being a travel nurse.

I can't understand why I should have to pay $1400 & she $400 towards our $1800 mortgage. 
Especially if her housing is free.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Tell her $900. and half of all utilities, and insurance, and property tax---and don't let her scare you with an atty

You probably won't get much in the way of profit---so if she doesn't agree, tell her you will just stop paying the mtg., and the bank can have the house----losing the house ain't the worst thing in the world---or short sale is an option---but make sure if you do settle out with her its at 50--50.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

jnj express said:


> Tell her $900. and half of all utilities, and insurance, and property tax---and don't let her scare you with an atty
> 
> You probably won't get much in the way of profit---so if she doesn't agree, tell her you will just stop paying the mtg., and the bank can have the house----losing the house ain't the worst thing in the world---or short sale is an option---but make sure if you do settle out with her its at 50--50.



Absolutely...THANKS for saying this to me.

I don't think I am being unreasonable. If she got an apartment & had to pay out her salary, then the deal would be different.


Here is her latest email to me.
I asked previously to inform me about what the travel nurse coordinator said:
--------------------------

She asked me when I wanted to start...I told her end of Sept, beginning of Oct. I plan on telling work that my last day will be Thurs, Sept. 13th...I still need to talk to the assignment coordinator Tuesday and see what is available and when I could start, so that date could change. I can always stay with my parents for a couple weeks between jobs.

I miss you, Jeff. I do love you. I want us to be friends. I don't want you to ever get to the point you did before with Wendy...to not even want to say my name out loud. I hope that is possible.

susan


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

If susan is your present wife's name---I would think, that at this point in time, based on what she has done to you, you DO NOT want to say the name susan


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

oh I won't be saying her name. I'll tell her that once this is all over.

Can you believe after all that has happened, she says she loves me....




She doesnt know that I know about her dating profile on curvydates.com.

She is saying an entirely different story over there:

More About Me...
I'm sorry to have to out this addition in to my profile, but it seems necessary at this point. Please have pics on your profile and have looked at my preferences before messaging me. I'm not a rude person, but I am getting too many responses from men without pics and outside my preference description to respond to everyone. I don't want to waste anyone's time. And please....if you still live with your parents and don't have some college under your belt, I'm pretty sure we won't work out. Thank you...I appreciate your consideration!! 

First off...yes, I am separated, but will be single soon....have been emotionally single for a long time though.

I'm a critical care/ICU nurse...have been for about 14 yrs. I would really love to finally do some travel nursing...something I should have done in my 20's, but maybe now is the right time??

I am pretty laid back, but when something is important I'm ontop of things and don't like to slack off and I like someone who is like minded. People think I'm funny....I have to be with someone who can take sarcastic humor and not think I'm putting them down...you must have a strong confidence and be able to laugh at yourself....that's such a good quality!
I am really looking to meet someone who can help bring fun, excitement, and spontaneity to my life. I want someone to bring out the best in me and vice versa. It's important to me to find someone who is fairly comfortable in most settings....who won't shy away and clam up just because we are out of his comfort zone. It's healthy to venture outside your comfort zone every now and then.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Jeff, if you are close to FSU or FAMU, you can rent to faculty. 
You could also take in a roommate or two.
The house foreclosing will only ping your score for like 6mos.
Its not a stigma as it was.
You never said if you was underwater with it.

Anyway, just let her go man.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Ohhh, man.....I would just LOVE to ask Regret214 if I can sign up on that site just to post a response to her profile.

On another note - how totally unoriginal of a f'ng dating profile. Seriously. Me, me, me, me, me, me...


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

Yes we are underwater by about $35,000

I just want what is fair. 

She will get a $10,000 bonus for signing on as a travel nurse.
$800 a week for housing/food
OR free housing
this is in addition to $35 - 40 an hour salary

I just want her to pay her half of the mortgage until we sell.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

Yes, I found her profile on there.

It is the same one that she used 8 years ago.
The same handle name too.

She had been internet dating years prior to me meeting her.
I believe this is the reason why all her escapades have been online.
B/c that is her method of operation.

Unfortunately, that is how I met her. I was new to internet dating. 
I was married previously...she (her name is wendy) cheated on me & left me for another guy. We were married for almost 5 years.

After it ended, I was lonely...I didnt know how to meet people....
so I tried internet dating and eventually met her.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

Please sign up if you want to. 
Message me & I will give you all the info about the site & who she is.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

jeff_r said:


> Yes we are underwater by about $35,000
> 
> I just want what is fair.
> 
> ...


No lawyer will ever agree to that. You each pay 1/2 the mortgage but only you get to live there? Sorry, not the way it works.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> No lawyer will ever agree to that. You each pay 1/2 the mortgage but only you get to live there? Sorry, not the way it works.


My attorney suggested this. This is not unusual.
My cousin had to pay her husband this way, while he lived in their house.

Its like paying for two places to live at the same time.
If she got an apartment, I wouldn't expect her to pay 1/2.
But if they are giving her a free place to live, then she should have to pay 1/2.
Its just like as if she went to stay with her parents & I lived in the house.
The house won't hardly be livable....no furniture, etc. 


If not, I'll let them foreclose. case closed.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What might work is if you to find out the fair market rental price of the house. Say that's $1000. Then the two of you split the mortgage amount. So you would each pay $400 a month.

That's pretty much the figures she is suggesting.

Your attorney might have suggested spliting 50/50 to you. But her attorney could argue that you have sole use of the property and hence should pay it all.

Have you looked into short sales, etc? There are gov programs that will cover the amount you owe over the short sale price.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What might work is if you to find out the fair market rental price of the house. Say that's $1000. Then the two of you split the mortgage amount. So you would each pay $400 a month.
> 
> That's pretty much the figures she is suggesting.
> 
> ...


She came up with $400 b/c that is what the utilities + cable tv costs. 
The most I will pay is $900 if she gets free housing. We already know that someone has to live there to take care of the house & get it ready to sell.

The problem is what we have to pay out of pocket. I might, just might reduce to $750 a month until the house sells.

She'll make plenty of money..even make money during this time..

If we can't agree on this, I will let them foreclose.

Lawyers, judges, men in little black robes, etc...can't make me pay for it ,esp with what she did.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I don't mean this mean, but what would happen if you said to her: "I have no intention of living in or paying for the house where my wife cyber-sexed other men. If you want it or you care, you pay. I'm not moving back." 

If your mortgage is $180k, sell it to one of those "We buy houses" places "as is" for $180k. Look them up online or in the phone book... Do not move back--just get out of it.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

The housing market never plays out the way we hope it does!! Expect the worst and prepare for it. If it doesn't sell at the amount you hope for by the time her timeline runs out be prepared and understand who's on the hook and for how much. Don't assume you both can just walk away make sure the bank is on board also cause the meter keeps running and someone has to pay!!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Not understanding why it matters what her housing costs are... If she wants to live in a crash pad with 6 roommates and pay $50/month for that, it's her choice. If she wants to live in a $300/night hotel and can afford it, that's also her choice. Either way, her obligation to existing debts should be the same.

On the other hand, I don't think she should be liable for your utilities in the house... But your lawyer should know best.

C


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

And Jeff,

Please respond to your wife and tell her you will have no problem saying her name. In fact, tell her you say it all the time:

*F U Susan!*


Have a good day and get away from this woman. Let some OM feed her.

HM64


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

It tough to see your wife talk about to someone else...
ive snooped some..

I've even learned things about her that I didnt know before:

The 3-4 ONS that she had in her youth.....meeting a man online, meeting a paramedic, meeting a guy at a tailgate party....

Even a foursome with other nurses (all friends, male/female) where she did oral with her friend's boyfriend all in the same bed. Later she gave the same guy more oral when her friend was no longer a girlfriend of him. Just for giving her a ride home one night...
Uhhhhm it makes me sick. I want to vomit.

Had I known this, I would have never married her.

We are 5 weeks past DDay...I know she has sent one guy online several photos of her privates in different states of arousal.

She tells the guy, that she doesnt plan on having any ONS in the future.
I want to throw up....
*****..*****


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Later she gave the same guy more oral when her friend was no longer a girlfriend of him. Just for giving her a ride home one night...


Nice... It seems the only problem about this divorce is that it happening too late. How did you found this stuff out?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Jeff

Go find a nice woman.

You do not have to try to hard if you compare her to your wife.

Keep moving forward.

HM64


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposé her to friends and family for what she is.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

This is why sexual history does matter when selecting a wife. Of course, as this sitch demonstrates, you're completely at their mercy as to what they wish to share. The simple rule of thumb is multiply the given number X 3.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

I found out...by her actually telling me...
I pretended to be someone else from her dating site.

She told me very easily.

See she is a bigger sized girl. That is why she already has a profile on a certain dating site...it is for bigger women.
I really think her past has a lot to do with how she felt about herself in terms of weight. I guess sometimes, bigger girls can be easy.

I had no idea of her past. If I had, I would have never married her.

You see, her family..mother/father...are like the 60's sitcom family. They are white bread...proper...college educated...play card games for fun. Her folks are in their 70's now. Yeah., card games are what we did for fun when we went to visit them.

Her brother is like her parents, white bread, etc....he is married & home schools his children in a Christian setting. They are very strict in their family.

Her on the other hand, as I have described, she is quite different.

As my other persona, she sent me pics of her that I don't ever remember seeing. One was 2 years ago. I guess she went to a restaurant with a few women from her work (nurses). As she described it, they had several drinks & a little drunk. They then decided to check out the sex toy store that is near the resturant.
I guess from what she said, it might have been her idea to do this. 

She said they went inside...looked around & found these lollipops that were shaped like, well you know. They were life sized, detailed, etc. They had a contest to see who could swallow it farther. She said that she won. And she sent me (my persona) a pic of her doing this. It was shocking to see it.
She said that her husband (me) wouldnt have approved & that she thought she should have some fun any way. She was so drunk that she peed in the bushes, etc.

This is how I know about what she has done. She is free with telling strangers all this stuff. This is thru Yahoo Messenger.

When I first started talking to her, via emails, chat....she never talked that way with me. Again this was 8 years ago. But I do think the same person was there back then. People on another forum has stated that she has always been this way. I just was in denial I suppose.

The first boyfriend was her first love. They broke up I suppose while she was in nursing school. She felt heartbroken.

She then said that she talked to a guy online for a while. They met & tried to have sex. He was too big for her & she was not excited enough. So it ended there I guess.
(that hurt to have to read this from her. Her being so honest with my persona. It made me feel awful)

She & three other nurses (a girl, her boyfriend & another guy) got into a foursome at her appt one time. She was only attracted to the girls boyfriend while the girl wanted to have sex with the other guy. They were all in the same bed. The boyfriend wanted to have sex with her, but his girlfriend stopped him. So she only gave him oral.

Later after the girl & guy broke up. She gave this guy oral a few times. She mentioned that was the last time that she swallowed was with this guy.

She said that a party one time she got really drunk, and the same guy above caught her & gave her oral.

She then met a guy at a tailgate party. He was interested & she said that she flirted a lot. He was a ONS.

Then she met a paramedic. He wanted her phone number from a mutual friend. She said that they went on two dates & thats all it took.
They must had done it 2 times or so. She said he was selfish..wham bam type of guy.

She had another boyfriend & he moved to another state (TN). I guess she would go up to see him once in a while. They would masturbate via skype.

This all happened before I knew her.




It was so hard to hear her talk about this stuff like it was no big deal. I almost threw up.

Against my better judgment, my persona wanted to know how far I could push her. I knew she liked erotic novels, so I made a deal with her...I'll tell her a story & she can send me pictures.

I did tell her an erotic story & she got worked up. She sent me several pics of her vagina.....toys inside..fingers...a few spread eagle.

I couldnt believe she would have done this. This was this past saturday. For all she knew, this was a guy she met on the internet thru a dating site.


She & I have only been separated for 5 weeks. At the beginning I was hoping she would come around & we could have worked it out. But from my snooping, I knew she was telling these guys she met, that she would be divorced soon. So I accepted it.

She is obviously fine with all this. Like I mentioned she paid for her dating membership 2 weeks after DDay. She goes & gets massages...drinks wine....relaxes at OUR house.

Since the time I moved my stuff out, she has yet to ask me where I am staying. Never asked one time.

Her plan is to stay in our house until her travel nurse job starts. That should be in late Sept. I think she mentioned that she would stay with her parents 2 weeks afterward until her actual assignment started.

So there you have it.

I'm I seeing all this correctly? Sometimes I don't know.
I should have never met her? I can't believe I fell for someone so nasty & wh0reish


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

don't beat yourself up so much. Learn from your mistakes to make a better future


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It's pretty obvious that's she's very easy - but also very ineffective at actually catching the guy. The guys in all these stories use her but don't stay with her. That tells you a lot about how she'll accept being treated by men.

I wonder if you've actually been too nice to her and she's lost respect for you?


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> It's pretty obvious that's she's very easy - but also very ineffective at actually catching the guy. The guys in all these stories use her but don't stay with her. That tells you a lot about how she'll accept being treated by men.
> 
> I wonder if you've actually been too nice to her and she's lost respect for you?


Could be. She has gotten away with stuff before...such as intimadating me, criticizing me in public about my shyness. Hence her referral to wanting someone who is ok being outside their comfort zone. 

She is a 'renter' using Harleys terminology. She believes that spouses/partners should sacrifice for each other. Her favorite saying is "a happy wife is a happy life". I heard that all the time.

Should I expose all that I know at a later time? After the D?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposing after the D is being nasty. The only stuff you can expose is what she's done during the marriage and during sep. And that you need to expose before the D is over.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

Well, I think I've used my persona for the last time.

She has been asking for real-time pics, since she has been sending them to "me".

So far she has sent me pics of her as a child, teenager & while in college.

She has also sent me pics of her in a babydoll, nightie. A pic of her in jeans, but pulled down to show her butt in a thong.

Pics of her vagina (about 8 or so) in various stages of arousal. One or two with toys, fingers inside.
This was at "my" request to see how far she would go.

SO....
Now I know for sure what type of wife, woman she is.

She will send pics of herself, as a child & her private parts to a guy she has met on the internet.

AND
All this has happened 5 weeks since I found out about her 2 month cybersex affair. 

I think to her the guys she meets on the dating site don't really matter. She has to be attracted to them in order for her to talk to them though. She will talk to anyone that she finds physically attractive. 
They also have to be attracted to her, hence she doesn't initiate any of the contact. All these men seem to contact her first.


I'm saddened by the fact that she is so easy.

Maybe being a larger woman (over 200 lbs) & her self esteem makes her feel that she has to be this way. The odd thing is that she is very confident about herself, very outgoing, etc.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

jeff_r said:


> Well, I think I've used my persona for the last time.
> 
> She has been asking for real-time pics, since she has been sending them to "me".
> 
> ...


I cant wait for you to send her a real pic of yourself and let her know the D papers will be there soon!!!


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

In my state it doesn't matter where she lives, if her name is on the loan, she is responsible for half the mortgage, half the taxes and insurance. Don't let her buffalo you with her attorney. DEMAND half!


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## cabin fever (Feb 9, 2012)

Dude she has lost all respect for you. Sorry but its over. Let her go. IMHO it would be worse for YOU to stay with her. 

Since she asked for a picture of you, I would scan a copy of the divorce paper, and send it to her with a smile. let her know you have played her for once, and you will keep all the pictures she sent you (a knowingly stranger on the internet) and will NOT delete them till the divorce is final. 

let her know you will not be pushed around any longer, and if she keeps up her crap you will expose not only what she has done, but what she is continuing to do to EVERYONE!


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

Oh I know she has lost all respect not only for me...but for herself.

The first time she sent pics of her privates, she was ashamed as she described her behavior as being ****ty.

But the next time (2 days later) she sent "me" two more of her privates.

I think now, I know she is tired of taking pics of that area. 
She mentions to "me" that I have enough of them by now. 

She is wanting to focus on the whole her...
She is sending pics of her in nighties, etc.

For the first time, I told her an erotic story from my point of view.
She told me that she had 4 orgasms from me reading that story to her. Thats when she sent "me" the pics to prove it.

Last night I tried to get her to send me pics again, but all she wanted to send were pics of her...as a child, etc. Even a wedding photo of her....that was sad to see.

I wonder if she is a narcissist? 

go read her profile:
Curvydates.com
She should be one the first to come up for a search in Florida.
handle is a Cute Nurse that is a gator.

She does not hold back in saying how bad of a guy that I am.

I will forward all this stuff to her brother just before the D is final.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

This is what my wife has been sending to other men.

It has been 5 weeks since DDay.

She wants to feel super sexy from all the men admirers from her dating website.

Please be aware, some are very explicit.

Flickr: Rock Singer1's Photostream


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

jeff_r said:


> This is what my wife has been sending to other men.
> 
> It has been 5 weeks since DDay.
> 
> ...


Jeff

Move on my friend. And no nurse or school teacher next time. Not a lawyer either.

Too many of them in these tragedies.

HM64


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