# I guess that I need advice...



## Mitai (Aug 1, 2012)

Now this is probably a stupid thing to say, I realise this but I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do really. I went out of town on work and have been gone for 3 months now. My boyfriend of 3 years is still at home, he didn't come with me. 
So it was hard in the beginning, being without him. 
But I met a guy at work and he is handsom and kind and he really likes me. But because I have a boyfriend nothing has come from this.
But I guess the issue is that I kind of want something to happen. It is weird and I am wrong in wanting this, but he actually gives me butterflies in my stomach. My boyfriend has never done this. It was always just easy to be around him. Actually I have never been around a guy that gave me butterflies... 
So it has really thrown me off. 
I am going to return home soon, but I don't know what to do. 
Is this usual? Should I just ignore it? Or is this a sign that my current relationship isn't working? Maybe the distance has messed me up... I don't know.
What do you think?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think that you are lonely and this guy looks good.

I assume that you are in a committed relationship with your bf.

Do not cheat on your bf. If you want to pursue this relationship break up with your bf.

Do you even know if this new guy is interested in you? 

Just because a guy gives you butterflies, it does not mean that you would even like being with him. Sometimes those butterflies are cues for disfunctional people who are like other disfunctional people in our early life. The butterflies do not mean that this guy will treat you well, or that he will love you. Sometimes I think that it's pharamones that cause the butterfly reaction... his body puts out chemicals (pharamones) that your body reacts strongly to.


What would you do about a relationship with this new guy when you had to leave to go home?


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## Mitai (Aug 1, 2012)

It's not that I am gonna go for this guy... I guess I was just curious about him. I wouldn't go for him because this is in completely different country. Communicating in different languages is a tough so...
But yeah I am positive he is intrested.
I was just shocked by the butterfly feeling since I have never experienced it before.
But... You are probably right... I don't really know why I posted. I think I just wanted reassurance... Or for someone to give me a reason. 
My bf and I have been having a lot of trouble recently even more leading up to when I left. It has seemed to have gotten worse since I have been gone, but I don't want to break it off because "relationships are supposed to be tough right?" Haha


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## anon12 (Aug 1, 2012)

sometimes when youre upset with a loved one the grass always seems greener on the other side. But I suggest working things out if its possible with your BF. Relationships are suppose to be tough but there are boundaries.

Just make sure youre really happy in youre relationship and dont settle for lessif not It will hurt you both in the long run.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Don't cheat.
Either end you relationship with your boyf before pursuing this other dude OR ignore the other dude and keep your relationship. 
The problems wi th your boyfriend are prob even worse now BECAUSE of the fact you're catching feelings/lust for someone else. It always happens that way. Those two things are completely related.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You've never had butterflies before? I dated a lot of guys that I got along with and even liked but I held out for the butterflies. 

I guess I'm a hopeless romantic but I refused to settle. I think I made a wise choice as I've been married now for 21 years to a man who still makes my heart melt.

Only you can answer whats going on with you. Maybe it's the distance, maybe you can work this out or maybe you are settling. Consider all possibilities before committing.


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## srtjm (Jul 11, 2012)

You aren't married. He's just a Boy Friend. You Can have more than one friend. Maybe this New fiend can help you discover if Old Boy Friend is THE ONE.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Mitai said:


> It's not that I am gonna go for this guy... I guess I was just curious about him. I wouldn't go for him because this is in completely different country. Communicating in different languages is a tough so...
> But yeah I am positive he is intrested.
> I was just shocked by the butterfly feeling since I have never experienced it before.
> But... You are probably right... I don't really know why I posted. I think I just wanted reassurance... Or for someone to give me a reason.
> My bf and I have been having a lot of trouble recently even more leading up to when I left. It has seemed to have gotten worse since I have been gone, but I don't want to break it off because "relationships are supposed to be tough right?" Haha


Because you know it is forbidden it is more exciting. Affairs are exciting. It is chemical.

Happens to people all the time. Being separated from your BF has made you lonely. Perhaps you have been away long enough to have gone through withdrawal from him.

If you are in a LTR, do not cheat on him. These feelings are not untypical. An not this does not mean there is something wrong with your relationship or your BF. It is NOT a signal to go for the Gold with this new guy.

This is how people let themselves become unfaithful. They start to look for justification to do it. They look for ways to rationalize it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

srtjm said:


> You aren't married. He's just a Boy Friend. You Can have more than one friend. Maybe this New fiend can help you discover if Old Boy Friend is THE ONE.


OMG. Are you suggesting she shag this guy to compare to her BF so she will know if he is the ONE.

Horrible, horrible advice if this is what you are suggesting.

The indication is that while she is not married she is in a relationship. She is not talking about this new guy be a friend but rather a new lover. 

So are you suggesting she should be cheating?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

srtjm said:


> You aren't married. He's just a Boy Friend. You Can have more than one friend. Maybe this New fiend can help you discover if Old Boy Friend is THE ONE.


I'm not married either and I have "just a boyfriend" that I have had three kids with and invested five years into the relationship come oct 18th. I agree with the others, ignore this other gguy and focus on your current relationship or leave. Cheating is outright disrespectful so please don't do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## srtjm (Jul 11, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> OMG. Are you suggesting she shag this guy to compare to her BF so she will know if he is the ONE.
> 
> Horrible, horrible advice if this is what you are suggesting.
> 
> ...


"OMG" back at you Entropy3000. I Never SHAGGED friends that I dated and Spent time with. But that's just me.:scratchhead:


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