# For LD Women



## BurningHeart (Dec 30, 2012)

I wasn't sure where to ask this, here or in the Ladies' section, so here goes anyway.
Can you be LD, have minimal interest in sex, but still love your husband and have him meeting all of your emotional needs? or does there have to be something else a miss somewhere??

My wife is content to go long periods without, but insists regularly that she is happy and there are no problems. Like most marriages, we were on fire for the first 8-10 years and then it kind of fell off. She did admit that she was turned on by the chance she could have a child with me, we both have children from our first marriages, but as she got older and her chances dwindled, then so did her interest? I'm the kind of guy that has to figure everything out and hates mystery.
I always believed that emotions controlled drives. I can be soaring or lifeless, depending on if I'm feeling close to her or not?


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Burning Heart
I think it is possible to love someone but have low sexual desire. I believe that is true of my wife.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Very interesting question. I do think it's possible, but unless her partner is A-OK with the infrequent sex, I don't see how she could be truly happy, since he probably wouldn't be.


----------



## BurningHeart (Dec 30, 2012)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Very interesting question. I do think it's possible, but unless her partner is A-OK with the infrequent sex, I don't see how she could be truly happy, since he probably wouldn't be.


I've learned to adapt to her level. The old "can't beat em, join em.


----------



## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

BurningHeart said:


> I wasn't sure where to ask this, here or in the Ladies' section, so here goes anyway.
> Can you be LD, have minimal interest in sex, but still love your husband and have him meeting all of your emotional needs? or does there have to be something else a miss somewhere??
> 
> My wife is content to go long periods without, but insists regularly that she is happy and there are no problems. Like most marriages, we were on fire for the first 8-10 years and then it kind of fell off. She did admit that she was turned on by the chance she could have a child with me, we both have children from our first marriages, but as she got older and her chances dwindled, then so did her interest? I'm the kind of guy that has to figure everything out and hates mystery.
> I always believed that emotions controlled drives. I can be soaring or lifeless, depending on if I'm feeling close to her or not?



I don't know if my answer will help you much, because I have always been evenly LD, but to me, love and sex have never really had anything to do with one another, so my answer to your first question would be yes, it's possible. 

I'm very much in love with my SO and we're very close. Sex IS now an activity we engage in often, but it's rarely much more than just fun for me. I love touching him and making out with him, but sex itself is about as emotionally fulfilling to me as a game of mini golf or bowling would be. The love, the bonding experiences that everyone here seems to talk about have never happened to me during intercourse... I get them all from _other_ aspects of our relationship.


----------



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

IMHO - if both are happy with their sex lives together then I don't see it as an issue...love is love.

However, if one sees having sex - making love - as bonding showing love etc but the other is quite happy to bond, 'make love' by holding hands, non sexual closeness etc then absolutely yes there will be a problem.
Resentment will set in and grow big time.

You've both got to be more or less on the same page.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

EntirelyDifferent said:


> I don't know if my answer will help you much, because I have always been evenly LD, but to me, love and sex have never really had anything to do with one another, so my answer to your first question would be yes, it's possible.
> 
> I'm very much in love with my SO and we're very close. Sex IS now an activity we engage in often, but it's rarely much more than just fun for me. I love touching him and making out with him, but sex itself is about as emotionally fulfilling to me as a game of mini golf or bowling would be. The love, the bonding experiences that everyone here seems to talk about have never happened to me during intercourse... I get them all from _other_ aspects of our relationship.


Do you have orgasms during sex?
I don't mean to be crass, but is your husband good in bed or does that not matter?
In other words, if you were not married, and had your pick of men, your "dream man", would it make any difference?


----------



## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

I think LD is one of two things:

1. she is not attracted to you personally, but would be attracted to another in a new relationship (most cases) or

2. genuine LD (i.e., simply not interested in sex no matter who her partner is).

In case 1, the person does not really "love" her partner in a romantic sense. She may love her partner like a brother or friend, but she does not really love him like a wife is supposed to.

In case 2, which I believe is rare, there is probably some kind of physical problem (like hormonal inbalance) or mental disorder (PTSD, OCD, sociopathic tendencies, etc).


----------



## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

BurningHeart said:


> I wasn't sure where to ask this, here or in the Ladies' section, so here goes anyway.
> Can you be LD, have minimal interest in sex, but still love your husband and have him meeting all of your emotional needs? or does there have to be something else a miss somewhere??
> 
> My wife is content to go long periods without, but insists regularly that she is happy and there are no problems. Like most marriages, we were on fire for the first 8-10 years and then it kind of fell off. She did admit that she was turned on by the chance she could have a child with me, we both have children from our first marriages, but as she got older and her chances dwindled, then so did her interest? I'm the kind of guy that has to figure everything out and hates mystery.
> I always believed that emotions controlled drives. I can be soaring or lifeless, depending on if I'm feeling close to her or not?


It sounds to me that she does love you and the comfort and security that comes with the relationship but may not be truly "in love" with you. 

Her admission about the possibilities of having a child with you tied to her desire level speaks volumes.

Adjusting your desire level down to meet hers is another expression for settling for less than you really want.


----------



## BurningHeart (Dec 30, 2012)

Always Learning said:


> It sounds to me that she does love you and the comfort and security that comes with the relationship but may not be truly "in love" with you.
> 
> Her admission about the possibilities of having a child with you tied to her desire level speaks volumes.
> 
> Adjusting your desire level down to meet hers is another expression for settling for less than you really want.


DING DING DING- we have a winner! lol


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

BurningHeart said:


> I've learned to adapt to her level. The old "can't beat em, join em.


That works till one realizes that most marriages aren't like that.


----------



## BurningHeart (Dec 30, 2012)

john117 said:


> That works till one realizes that most marriages aren't like that.


I've known that for too long.


----------

