# Bride Cancels Wedding After Seeing Fiancé's Browser History



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

So this should make for an interesting discussion :grin2: Read the article below, do you think she was in the right or do you think her Fiance dodged a major bullet???



> A bride called off her wedding after she was "betrayed" by her husband-to-be, but some people believe that she's overreacting.
> 
> One of the most difficult things to reconcile in relationships are differing values. It's hard to find to people who share the exact same set of values — heck, even identical twins end up having very different personalities, so how do two strangers expect to agree on everything just because they fell in love?
> 
> ...


https://www.distractify.com/p/bride-calls-off-wedding-browser-history


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

My general thoughts:

If those are her beliefs, than more power to her. I have zero issue with that. Also, the fact that he tried to lie his way out of it is rather problematic. However:

- I assume he was well aware of her deep religious beliefs. Did this include a talk about porn (that it was a no go) or did she just assume he should know this?

- Assuming everything else in the relationship was great and she was looking forward to her life with him, how much could she really have loved him to just walk away after the first speed bump (without knowing exactly what type of porn he was watching it is hard to say)?

- For someone so religious, she seems awfully vindictive for outing her fiance to their 300 wedding guests.

In particular with my last point, I have to think that this guy dodged a major bullet...


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Calling it off was the best thing for both of them I believe...


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> - For someone so religious, she seems awfully vindictive for outing her fiancé to their 300 wedding guests.


What would Jesus do?

I love that saying... I believe the advice Jesus would have offered would have been a different path.

But I could be wrong... all I have seen are writings about his nature.

By the way... been working out Ellis?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

So I fully support her decision to end the engagement/call off the wedding. For both of them. Her because there is nothing wrong with staying true to your convictions. Him because they probably wouldn't be compatible.

HOWEVER, the whole public outing was ridiculous. Sorry....only vindictive, unhealthy people do this....for ANY transgression.

So, while I am fine with her reason for canceling the wedding, I would say the public stunt tells me HE is the lucky one to get out of this.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

I think it depends on what that search was, and what the videos were.

Additionally, she has every right to cancel her wedding for any reason she wants. Don't we tell dating people here to run when stuff like this comes up?

Just because you set a date doesn't change that. Get out while you can and try to find someone that checks the boxes you hold important.

If he had handled it differently, depending on what the search was, it might have gone down differently. No where in that story does it talk about his confession, repentance, and working to remedy any issue. Perhaps that is ultimately where she drew the line and called it off.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Tasorundo said:


> I think it depends on what that search was, and what the videos were.
> 
> Additionally, she has every right to cancel her wedding for any reason she wants. Don't we tell dating people here to run when stuff like this comes up?
> 
> ...


How do you feel about her public shaming?

And no, Matthew 18 doesn't count here because this isn;t a church and I am SURE she didn't follow the process.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

personofinterest said:


> So I fully support her decision to end the engagement/call off the wedding. For both of them. Her because there is nothing wrong with staying true to your convictions. Him because they probably wouldn't be compatible.
> 
> HOWEVER, the whole public outing was ridiculous. Sorry....only vindictive, unhealthy people do this....for ANY transgression.
> 
> So, while I am fine with her reason for canceling the wedding, I would say the public stunt tells me HE is the lucky one to get out of this.


Agreed. The whole public outing thing is on a whole other level. She was heartbroken, she thought she had met the perfect man and was going to live the perfect life, I get that. To go out of your way to personally shame the guy to all family and friends is ridiculous.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

The public outing is something we would need more details on.

You don't know she didn't go through the church. There is a lot left out of there.

However, let's say she canceled her wedding because she walked in on him banging someone. Can she say why she canceled the wedding then? Where is the line drawn? Who gets to decide where the line is?

----

I can see a scenario, where someone who had the values she seemed to have, would only marry someone that espoused the same values. When she was confronted with evidence that he didn't, then compounded that with him handling it like he didn't, she might have reacted irrationally.

----

I can also see where, depending on what it was or not, she didn't want to answer 300 questions about why and give him the opportunity to say she was a *****/irrational/whatever.

Ultimately we have a whole lot of holes in the story.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Tasorundo said:


> The public outing is something we would need more details on.
> 
> You don't know she didn't go through the church. There is a lot left out of there.
> 
> ...


Eh, she didn't follow Matthew 18. 

There is a big difference between telling an individual who asks and announcing to 300 people.

Only one "group" really advocates this kind of thing, and to be honest, they are crazy.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

> Claire makes it abundantly clear that, since she was a young girl, she dreamed of a picture-perfect marriage with a picture-perfect husband, which includes strict "obedience to the doctrines and principles of the gospel."


I mean it sincerely when I say this woman should become a nun. Then, she'll be 'married' to the exact kind of man she writes about in the quote above.

Or perhaps she should consider marrying a man of the cloth whose allowed to marry (but doesn't like little boys).

I think he dodged a huge bullet, too. Her comment that he was looking at porn at "_what a woman supposedly looks like_" simply tells me he was looking at a type of woman that turns him on, but looks NOTHING like her. I don't mean that disrespectfully - I just mean that she may be short, thin and have curly short black hair, and he was seeking voluptuous, big breasted long-haired blondes or women of another color or culture - the total opposite of her. 

As far as the 3 words she found in his search bar that she wouldn't include in the article, they could have been pretty innocuous on the whole, but not to _her_, of course. It's all subjective - what's evil to her may not be to the next person. maybe he was searching for "big breasted blonds," or "big booty redheads," etc. We can't automatically assume he was looking at sadistic or criminal porn just because *she's *so melodramatic about the whole thing. What's horrifying to HER due to her extremely sheltered upbringing and strict religious beliefs may not be horrifying to those who don't share the same world view.

In either respect, I think he dodged a huge bullet this time.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Aside from some elements of her reaction that seemed indicate she might not be emotionally healthy, I believe she did exactly the right thing.

Lying and manipulating someone into marrying you is low.

She caught it beforehand which I believe most people who found out later would have preferred and was able to act accordingly by making an informed decision.

Cancelling the wedding makes perfect sense and she was in no way to blame for it. The responsibility was squarely on dip **** boy's shoulders.

I'm actually pretty happy the little weasel had it blow up in his face.

Maybe next time he won't be some pathetic, manipulative pansy and just be honest with his prospective mate.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Tasorundo said:


> Don't we tell dating people here to run when stuff like this comes up?


If we told every woman to run away from a man who looks at porn videos, almost NO ONE would be coupled up. :grin2:


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

In a relationship, I don't know if it isn't discussed, whether watching porn is assumed or not. I seems like some people assume its common, others do not.


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Aside from some elements of her reaction that seemed indicate she might not be emotionally healthy, I believe she did exactly the right thing.
> 
> Lying and manipulating someone into marrying you is low.
> 
> ...


Many have said, what would Jesus do? 

Keep in mind, this is the same guy who used a whip to beat people who will willfully cheating people in the faith. 

Now ask ourselves, depending on the context. Say 8 weeks premarital counseling, where they discussed exclusively the boundaries and deal breakers, then they are agreed upon. Say they both agreed that porn was in fact the same as infidelity or cheating. (Suddenly my opinion and your opinion doesn't matter, as THEY agreed to it.) 

Then perhaps outing is the best call. In honesty, she looks crazy, but if porn is cheating, and we all agree that cheating must be exposed to some extent, then maybe her actions are in fact justified. 

Too many Christians get by with being fake. We all have skeletons in the closet, we all have issues we struggle with. He likely was being fake, almost roped a woman in.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> If we told every woman to run away from a man who looks at porn videos, almost NO ONE would be coupled up. :grin2:


I was applying it more to the generic "he/she does something I cannot tolerate or find reprehensible".

If porn is a deal breaker, then the deal is broken. Our thoughts on it are irrelevant.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A little religion goes a long way towards living a balanced life.
A lot of religion taken on, takes you away from living a meaningful life.

Life is best when one enjoy prayers.
Life is not meant to be only prayers.

Life lived in the middle is better than one lived on the ragged edges.

Being always right can mean being always alone and mostly being unhappy.

Life is not rigid, religion needs to bend somewhat reasonably to life.





[THM]- SCM


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Tasorundo said:


> I was applying it more to the generic "he/she does something I cannot tolerate or find reprehensible".
> 
> If porn is a deal breaker, then the deal is broken. Our thoughts on it are irrelevant.


Exactly.

It cracks me up in the most bizarro world way that people are thought to be bad if they DON'T like porn.....milfs wit horses? FINE! Don't want my husband watching other women perform sex acts? YOU RIDICULOUS LOSER!!!

I just shake my head......

For the record, I don't really care if my hubby occasionally browses, but shaming people for NOT liking porn seems so weirdo and backwards.....


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

hope4family said:


> Many have said, what would Jesus do?
> 
> Keep in mind, this is the same guy who used a whip to beat people who will willfully cheating people in the faith.
> 
> ...



One "aw ****" doesn't kill dozens of "attaboys"... mistakes happen and forgiveness is a lesson just as the act is.

Nobody is perfect... 

It's the motivation behind the shaming I believe that is important... a public trial is a shaming in many ways, yet accountability and correction is the intent.

This was an emotional reaction execution (character) without a "trial", I think he would have faced a lot of these if she had never found responsibility in her actions and justified everything with a piety.


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

I think this guy dodged a bullet. First, I believe that she did not love him. Second, if she is perfect, then she can cast the first stone - else - she is a hypocrite. Even though he may have loved her - it is better for heart break now than later on after the family is started. He is very lucky.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

hope4family said:


> Keep in mind, this is the same guy who used a whip to beat people who will willfully cheating people in the faith.


You do understand that this incident that you are referring too is Jesus' one and only shows of anger? (In his whole life.)

In fact, it was righteous anger, at people that were defiling "his fathers house" and he had ever moral and ethical right and reason to do this. 

Your post seems to suggest that you are un aware or do not believe what the bible says about that.

If you do or do not, that is fine. However, any bible believing Christian believes that Jesus was correct in every thing he did and every word he says. 

It also does not really apply to this type of situation. 

I think she MAY have been wrong in saying he was a pervert...


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Wow, well I have a few thoughts about this:

1. If those are her beliefs, those are her beliefs, and that is 100% okay
2. Was he 100% aware that her beliefs ran so deep?
3. If her beliefs include no porn, my guess is that it also includes no sex before marriage, or anything sexual at all (blowjobs, hand jobs, intense kissing/petting, etc.)
4. How long were they together for?
5. If point #2 is true, and they were together for more than a few months, my guess is that he would need to release some built-up sexual tension, and decided to look at porn to do so.

Should have he hidden it or lied about it when found out? Nope. Did she overreact? I would say so, yes. I can see being upset about something like this to the point of talking it through, and postponing nuptials until things get resolved and back on track. But, for being such a devout woman of God, she seems pretty vindictive and mean. It’s one thing to call off the wedding and tell the guests that your former fiancé is a pervert. She could have chosen to say something a lot less horrible like “we decided to call off the wedding because we’ve discovered that we’re just too different to make it work. We wish each other well in the future, and thank-you for coming out to support us”.

I get that she’s mad, I get that he tried to cover up his actions, but I’m leaning more towards thinking that he dodged a huge bullet with this one.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Based on a few key words in Clair's story I believe I know which religion she belongs to. If I am correct in that, then indeed he did deceive her severely. Stopping the wedding was very much the right thing to do. Publicly shaming him was convenient for her, but definitely not the right thing to do. Having said that When people ask me why my oldest daughter divorced I have no trouble telling that he moved in with his girlfriend that he was doing meth with. These facts are public record and no private matter.

About Matthew 18. A quick review of the chapter leads me to believe you are referring to verses 21-22. 
I would point out in this case Verse 6.
We should all remember verses 23-36.
I'm not a believer in long quotes, so those interested can look it up easily enough.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Aspydad said:


> I think this guy dodged a bullet. First, I believe that she did not love him. Second, if she is perfect, then she can cast the first stone - else - she is a hypocrite. Even though he may have loved her - it is better for heart break now than later on after the family is started. He is very lucky.


So a person cannot have standards if they have ever made a mistake.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> So a person cannot have standards if they have ever made a mistake.


I think that it’s not just about having standards and boundaries, but in HOW a person chooses to handle themselves when those things are tested.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

hope4family said:


> Many have said, what would Jesus do?
> 
> Keep in mind, this is the same guy who used a whip to beat people who will willfully cheating people in the faith.


Not exactly. On one occasion, he "made a whip of cords" and then drove the moneychangers out of the temple. The gospel doesn't ever say he beat them with the whip, although he might have. 

In any case, a cornerstone of Christianity is forgiveness, and it looks like this woman didn't even offer that. I think he dodged a bullet. 

The woman has the right to be as selective as she wants to be, but she's incredibly naive if she thinks she's going to find a guy who has never looked at porn.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> So a person cannot have standards if they have ever made a mistake.


According to Screwtape, likely, hopefully not!

This personage lives not in The Host, RD's head.

He does so, ever try.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Aspydad said:


> I think this guy dodged a bullet. First, I believe that she did not love him. Second, if she is perfect, then she can cast the first stone - else - she is a hypocrite. Even though he may have loved her - it is better for heart break now than later on after the family is started. He is very lucky.


He is a manipulative liar. I'm sure many manipulative liars get lucky and aren't found out.

This manipulative liar got caught so in a sense of character correction, maybe he got lucky after all.

If a woman lied and hid something very important to me regarding something as huge as a marriage choice, I would more than likely divorce her once discovered and I definitely would have called off the wedding if I found out before hand.

The little boy wasn't ready for marriage yet anyway.

The poor little dear hasn't figured out that men don't need to hide the truth and lie to attract women.

If he didn't want to give up porn, he could have been honest and married someone else instead of trying to manipulate this woman.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Theseus said:


> Not exactly. On one occasion, he "made a whip of cords" and then drove the moneychangers out of the temple. The gospel doesn't ever say he beat them with the whip, although he might have.
> 
> In any case, a cornerstone of Christianity is forgiveness, and it looks like this woman didn't even offer that. I think he dodged a bullet.
> 
> The woman has the right to be as selective as she wants to be, but she's incredibly naive if she thinks she's going to find a guy who has never looked at porn.


Well. I suppose he could have just spun the cord in the air and everyone just ran.

Or when it says he "drove" them out and overturned the tables it means he forced them violently.

Regardless, forgiveness and marrying someone are two different animals.

If a woman was turning tricks a little before her wedding, stopping the wedding when the would be groom caught her isn't forgiveness?

Just wondering what your definition is. I can forgive and not be married to someone to do it.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> He is a manipulative liar. I'm sure many manipulative liars get lucky and aren't found out.
> 
> This manipulative liar got caught so in a sense of character correction, maybe he got lucky after all.
> 
> ...


Geez @ConanHub , the way you talk it sounds like he did something personal to you.

Look, he got caught with porn, was likely embarrassed, and panicked with his response. We all make mistakes and learn from them, so why are you making him out to be some little weasel???

Nowhere in the article did it state that he manipulated her, what they had talked about regarding sex, porn, etc... so I honestly don't know where you are coming up with all this???

IDK man, feels like you are projecting something else into this?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ursula said:


> Wow, well I have a few thoughts about this:
> 
> 1. If those are her beliefs, those are her beliefs, and that is 100% okay
> 2. Was he 100% aware that her beliefs ran so deep?
> ...


I agree she could have used more tact but I honestly don't feel any sympathy for the little liar.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> Geez @ConanHub , the way you talk it sounds like he did something personal to you.
> 
> Look, he got caught with porn, was likely embarrassed, and panicked with his response. We all make mistakes and learn from them, so why are you making him out to be some little weasel???
> 
> ...


Nope. I have observed many marriages suffer through bull **** because someone lied and manipulated someone else about a deal breaker.

This idiot was still involved in a deal breaker a couple weeks before his wedding to a woman he knew dang well wouldn't marry him if she knew what he was still doing.

Actual men don't need to hide what they are and get women who take them for who they are.

This little boy needs to grow up first. If he doesn't give up porn, he needs to just be honest about it and marry a woman that accepts him.

I could marry a woman with nearly anything in her past as long as it was in the past.

If I was marrying an ex prostitute and found she was selling it a couple weeks before our ceremony??...... Sorry but she won't be walking down the aisle to me.

I probably would not expose her more than necessary.

That would be a deal breaker for me. I know it is more extreme than porn but I'm not that woman and she definitely has her own boundaries.

People who lie to get someone to marry them are low and definitely not ready for the honesty, hard work and commitment that marriage takes anyway.

I don't feel any sympathy for the poor little fella!��


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think she did the right thing in cancelling the wedding. Outing him like she did was a little harsh, but I can also understand why she wouldn't want him to control that narrative.

Their values are incompatible and it's best that they figure this out before the wedding.

His lying is problematic....if you have to lie then something ain't right. If you like porn then own it....this crap about how one can't be honest because my partner won't like it is ridiculous. That could be applied to all kinds of things most of us would never tolerate.

I can say that while I'm not a huge fan of porn because I think it's damaging to the psyche and the marital bond, I can accept my guy checking out some porn, but if he lied about it we'd have a problem. Adults discuss these things....they don't acquiesce and the hide like children.

And if his choice if porn suggested he really wanted something different then me that would be a deal breaker. The odds you'll have a happy sex life are greatly diminished when your partner prefers something else.

That doesn't mean one can't find different kinds of people attractive....only that if your partner prefers something else that is not good.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ursula said:


> I think that it’s not just about having standards and boundaries, but in HOW a person chooses to handle themselves when those things are tested.


I definitely think some of her reactions display an unhealthy emotional state.

I simply don't feel sorry for the dude. I kinda think it's funny.:grin2:


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> So this should make for an interesting discussion :grin2: Read the article below, do you think she was in the right or do you think her Fiance dodged a major bullet???
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.distractify.com/p/bride-calls-off-wedding-browser-history


I have a couple of thoughts. She probably did them both a favor. 

Second is it the sex thing, cause I mean unless she is marrying Jesus everyone is going to have something. Sin it sin right? For some reason Christians have a much bigger problem with sexual sin though. Pride is also a sin for instance. It seems to be the sex thing but it could also be the lying thing. Both of them are well within her rights to call it off. I guess for most of us it seems extreme but there are probably bridges too far for all of us. This happens to be hers. I don't think calling if off so publicly is going to put her in the light she thinks it will. It wouldn't make me think of her in a good way that is for sure. 

Finally finding a man who thinks like she does will be hard for her, but maybe not impossible. But God forbid he ever falls pray to temptation. 

It's her life, and again she probably did the wise thing for both of them. I hope her boyfriend gets this as well. 

They are not a good match.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Come on really?? This girl ..... It might have just been cuckhold monkey porn.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

hope4family said:


> Too many Christians get by with being fake. We all have skeletons in the closet, we all have issues we struggle with. He likely was being fake, almost roped a woman in.


Yeah but a lot of them are in the closet because we grew up around self righteous leadership who were quick to shame and act like they had no issues only to find out later what hypocrites they were. Too many Christians seem to be in the pious business, not the salvation business. They forget you go to Church precisely because you believe you need a savior not to show off how good you are.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

stillsearching said:


> come on really?? This girl ..... It might have just been cuckhold monkey porn.


that's the worst kind!!!!!!!!!!>


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> Nope. I have observed many marriages suffer through bull **** because someone lied and manipulated someone else about a deal breaker.
> 
> This idiot was still involved in a deal breaker a couple weeks before his wedding to a woman he knew dang well wouldn't marry him if she knew what he was still doing.
> 
> ...


IDK, you seem as vindictive as her (given how little info the article provided, you seem to have fashioned up an entire backstory  ) , I just don't know why lol


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I’m not going to get into the in’s and out’s of what she found on his phone. 
But she is milking it for all she’s worth. The posed photos with the professional makeup job is one thing but why did she allow pictures of her in her wedding dress to be published.
Did she get paid for this story and is this why everyone had to know everything. 
She makes me sick.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

EllisRedding said:


> IDK, you seem as vindictive as her (given how little info the article provided, you seem to have fashioned up an entire backstory  ) , I just don't know why lol


Conan is a great contributor to the site. But this is the second thread in as many weeks where he does seem to be having an unusually strong reaction. 

Conan... is something up?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> I’m not going to get into the in’s and out’s of what she found on his phone.
> But she is milking it for all she’s worth. The posed photos with the professional makeup job is one thing but why did she allow pictures of her in her wedding dress to be published.
> Did she get paid for this story and is this why everyone had to know everything.
> She makes me sick.


Looking at the article, it looks like all the photos are sourced to Facebook (guessing her FB account, did she decide to make it public for this article?). The picture in the wedding dress appears be sourced direct to her (i.e. she gave that picture to the media separately, why, to tell her story I guess????)


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Looking at the article, it looks like all the photos are sourced to Facebook (guessing her FB account, did she decide to make it public for this article?). The picture in the wedding dress appears be sourced direct to her (i.e. she gave that picture to the media separately, why, to tell her story I guess????)


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

I like the comments on the page....

"I hope she like cats!"- Jaclyn How


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

In looking at the pictures which I didn't before she looks very young. I think the true issue with all of this is these are two very religious people who have grown up very sheltered and are WAY TOO YOUNG to be getting married. In that sense they are really SO much better off not getting married, but that is what you do a lot of times when you grow up like this. I feel so fortunate that I didn't follow that path, but who knows if I had a high school sweetheart the time that would probably have been the road I would have followed. I am so different then I was in my early 20s. But lots of people I knew did get married right out of school. I don't envy them. 

He is not strong enough to be authentic with his potential life time partner.

And she is not mature enough to show someone she supposedly love grace when she found something about him that made it impossible to marry. Not saying she should have married her, but for someone she supposedly loves she didn't act out of that love when she exposed this thing. I get telling family but to out him and especially not to show him any grace at all is tough. At least as far as I am concerned this is not the same as cheating. Was her intention to destroy his reputation, seems like it?

They both need to mature a little bit before they get married.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

> And she is not mature enough to show someone she supposedly love grace when she found something about him that made it impossible to marry. Not saying she should have married her, but for someone she supposedly loves she didn't act out of that love when she exposed this thing. I get telling family but to out him and especially not to show him any grace at all is tough. At least as far as I am concerned this is not the same as cheating. Was her intention to destroy his reputation, seems like it?



LOL maybe she can have a career posting on relationship forums


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> LOL maybe she can have a career posting on relationship forums


I know right, there are a lot of people on here who have no problem commenting on their fellow members. >


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> IDK, you seem as vindictive as her (given how little info the article provided, you seem to have fashioned up an entire backstory  ) , I just don't know why lol


Bet you a bread stick I'm dead accurate. I have a lot of marriage experience.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> Bet you a bread sticks I'm dead accurate. I have a lot of marriage experience.


You know I am allergic to gluten and wheat, is this some sort of sick joke??? >

Not saying you are right or wrong. Just that we only get her side of the story, it is clear she is milking this for what she can (her motives in all this could be questionable), and with what little detail there is it is hard to make any sort of judgement call on what type of person the guy really is.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Hope she enjoyed Outting him...

He will probably sue her pants off, Had to get in there one way or another.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> You know I am allergic to gluten and wheat, is this some sort of sick joke??? >
> 
> Not saying you are right or wrong. Just that we only get her side of the story, it is clear she is milking this for what she can (her motives in all this could be questionable), and with what little detail there is it is hard to make any sort of judgement call on what type of person the guy really is.


Knowing when to walk away is wisdom. 
Doing it is courageous. 
Being able to do it with your head held high is dignified. 
She is definitely lacking in dignity. 
And If she’s so holier than thou,there’s a very famous biblical quote she should try and remember. 
“Let him who is without sin cast the first stone”


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

sokillme said:


> I know right, there are a lot of people on here who have no problem commenting on their fellow members. >


Exactly, not to mention the no grace part....You know, once you've committed x sin there is no redeeming....


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> So a person cannot have standards if they have ever made a mistake.


I have been married for over 30 years - and I tell fact: You can have all the standards to want - BUT, you will never - ever know everything about the person you are going to marry - BECAUSE - you CANNOT read their mind. I have a laundry list of things that I did not know about my wife - but, we love each other so I have learned to accept certain things and by the way - she HAS changed some things for me. Same for her - she did not know everything about me - so she had to learn to accept certain things and I have had to compromise as well. In the end - LOVE is what binds us together.

You can have all the standards you want - and if you do not truly love that person - when you discover later on that the defect exists - most likely - you will cut off the relationship. 

Again - I stand by my first comment - this guy dodged a bullet as she did NOT truly love him.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

It seems like this is how the conversation should have gone when she saw his phone lol


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

StillSearching said:


> Hope she enjoyed Outting him...
> 
> He will probably sue her pants off, Had to get in there one way or another.


You just squeaked that by on bad joke Friday!:grin2:


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

I love how quick people are to say I misquoted Jesus in an effort to defend themselves. Or that Christianity is all about forgiveness. 

My point is that there is such a thing as righteous anger. This person, whom she was about to make a life long commitment to God, was potentially fake, a wolf in sheeps clothing, and she possibly could have been lead on all the way to the gallows spiritually. 

In a world where morals are only what two people agree about when forming a pair bond or marrying. I find lack of support for her exposure to be hypocritical. 

That being said, sure if we knew all the details we could comment on whether or not she is bat**** crazy. But I am sure he will learn his lesson and move on. Hopefully she will too.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

OK, so here is an interesting question. Let's say you were this lovely lady and in her shoes. At face value, you would be willing to discuss and work out with Fiance. So the question, would it depend on what type of porn you found (let's assume anything goes that is legal)?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

hope4family said:


> I love how quick people are to say I misquoted Jesus in an effort to defend themselves. Or that Christianity is all about forgiveness.
> 
> My point is that there is such a thing as righteous anger. This person, whom she was about to make a life long commitment to God, was potentially fake, a wolf in sheeps clothing, and she possibly could have been lead on all the way to the gallows spiritually.
> 
> ...


Since you are so particular about scripture, what is your take on Matthew 18? Because we all know she did NOT follow that procedure.

Like I said, there is one group of crazies on the internet who advocate this kind of public flogging, but thankfully they are pretty much relegated to one corner.


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Nope. I have observed many marriages suffer through bull **** because someone lied and manipulated someone else about a deal breaker.
> 
> This idiot was still involved in a deal breaker a couple weeks before his wedding to a woman he knew dang well wouldn't marry him if she knew what he was still doing.
> 
> ...


I know a guy who married a high end escort - big bucks were paid for her to fly around the country to keep RICH men company. So my friend marries her - she ends up having - let's say - a few quirks in her personality that he never deteceted before. She ends up divorcing him and taking him for a few hundred grand - as he was one of those RICH guys.

You may want to think twice about hooking up and marrying a so called EX Prostitute - as there is most like some type of screw loose to begin with. By the way - my ex-friend has a screw loose as well - I have cut him out of my life. In my experience - like usually attracts like.


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> Since you are so particular about scripture, what is your take on Matthew 18? Because we all know she did NOT follow that procedure.
> 
> Like I said, there is one group of crazies on the internet who advocate this kind of public flogging, but thankfully they are pretty much relegated to one corner.


What's yours on Luke 18:1-18? 

So let me say this plainly. 

I forgive those who have wronged me. I also take comfort that vengeance is Gods forte. I do, as a human, pray for my justice to my brother Jesus, and my Father God. 

I do not disagree completely with her actions if she was lead on. Period. For all I know, he could be a sex addict, he may not be. We do not have enough information, nor do we know what they agreed upon. 

I am open to needing more spiritual work in my life.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Dude landstepped a landmine in my opinion. He is probably hurt now but no way her high expectations stopped there. She will need to find one of those super rare guys not interested in sex/porn and marry him. And that’s fine if that’s what she wants. These two just weren’t compatible and least they found out PRIOR to marriage and kids


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> Dude landstepped a landmine in my opinion. He is probably hurt now but no way her high expectations stopped there. She will need to find one of those super rare guys not interested in sex/porn and marry him. And that’s fine if that’s what she wants. These two just weren’t compatible and least they found out PRIOR to marriage and kids


Yeah I agree with you. I think in Claire’s world sex is for procreation only,enjoyment doesn’t come into it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Aspydad said:


> I know a guy who married a high end escort - big bucks were paid for her to fly around the country to keep RICH men company. So my friend marries her - she ends up having - let's say - a few quirks in her personality that he never deteceted before. She ends up divorcing him and taking him for a few hundred grand - as he was one of those RICH guys.
> 
> You may want to think twice about hooking up and marrying a so called EX Prostitute - as there is most like some type of screw loose to begin with. By the way - my ex-friend has a screw loose as well - I have cut him out of my life. In my experience - like usually attracts like.


Interesting story. Not in line with the OP but I'm good at making sure something is in someone's past for good.

Many, probably most, never set out to be prostitutes and unfortunate circumstances led them there.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Andy1001 said:


> Yeah I agree with you. I think in Claire’s world sex is for procreation only,enjoyment doesn’t come into it.


I don't see her attitudes as that catholic, but that little Idea pops up everywhere. Many people in very conservative religions just assume that this is in their doctrine when in fact it is not. 

There is a lot of popular "preaching" that Pornography is abusive to all women and thus equal to Rape. These Ideas can get into a woman's mind and wreck havoc in their lives. I'm not saying porn is good. But it isn't in the top 10.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I mean it sincerely when I say this woman should become a nun. Then, she'll be 'married' to the exact kind of man she writes about in the quote above.
> 
> Or perhaps she should consider marrying a man of the cloth whose allowed to marry (but doesn't like little boys).
> 
> ...


I think SHE dodged a huge bullet. A man who watches porn as well as lies and deceives?He cant be trusted. 
Not sure why she should be a nun, she just wants a man who shares her faith and moral values. There are me out there who live out their faith, I am married to one and I know many others.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> Yeah I agree with you. I think in Claire’s world sex is for procreation only,enjoyment doesn’t come into it.


I dont agree, she just doesn't like porn, and why should she, its a horrible industry in so many ways.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I absolutely support her decision to call off the wedding. She has strong personal convictions, and he lied about his. It's simple. it is the public outing that I have trouble with. It is absolutely not biblical, and normal people don't do things like that period


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> Dude landstepped a landmine in my opinion. He is probably hurt now but no way her high expectations stopped there. She will need to find one of those super rare guys not interested in sex/porn and marry him. And that’s fine if that’s what she wants. These two just weren’t compatible and least they found out PRIOR to marriage and kids



There are many guys who like sex but don't watch porn believe it or not. 

I always think its amusing when people assume that if a man doesn't watch porn he cant like sex, that's nonsense. They just happen to know how damaging porn is to themselves their marriage. They chose to use self control not to go down that route and focus on their wives.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Aspydad said:


> I have been married for over 30 years - and I tell fact: You can have all the standards to want - BUT, you will never - ever know everything about the person you are going to marry - BECAUSE - you CANNOT read their mind. I have a laundry list of things that I did not know about my wife - but, we love each other so I have learned to accept certain things and by the way - she HAS changed some things for me. Same for her - she did not know everything about me - so she had to learn to accept certain things and I have had to compromise as well. In the end - LOVE is what binds us together.
> 
> You can have all the standards you want - and if you do not truly love that person - when you discover later on that the defect exists - most likely - you will cut off the relationship.
> 
> Again - I stand by my first comment - this guy dodged a bullet as she did NOT truly love him.


I don't agree, she may well have loved him. She has strong values and I think that's brilliant.
You can know the one you are going to marry pretty well. We married after 9 months and 13 years later nothing has emerged that was a shock or surprise in that way. We agreed on our values and faith and all the important things.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Aspydad said:


> I have been married for over 30 years - and I tell fact: You can have all the standards to want - BUT, you will never - ever know everything about the person you are going to marry - BECAUSE - you CANNOT read their mind. I have a laundry list of things that I did not know about my wife - but, we love each other so I have learned to accept certain things and by the way - she HAS changed some things for me. Same for her - she did not know everything about me - so she had to learn to accept certain things and I have had to compromise as well. In the end - LOVE is what binds us together.
> 
> You can have all the standards you want - and if you do not truly love that person - when you discover later on that the defect exists - most likely - you will cut off the relationship.
> 
> Again - I stand by my first comment - this guy dodged a bullet as she did NOT truly love him.


I think this is reasonable. Part of it is that this one thing is a deal breaker for her too though. So how great it is for them that they both found this out BEFORE they got married. Even if he wasn't lying about it and they just both assumed that thought the same way about porn. 

From her perspective she may feel about this the say way someone feels about cheating, we may not all agree with that assessment. I don't but she is entitled to have those feelings. The thing is if they were married they would have to work that out, and that would be very hard. But I agree with you in this case they both dodged a bullet because they are both not married yet.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Exactly, not to mention the no grace part....You know, once you've committed x sin there is no redeeming....


Everyone is redeemable, but that doesn't make them marriage material. In some cases it doesn't make them acquaintance material.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I wonder if her reaction was made worse by her perception that he prefers a look that's much different then her?

I know someone like this....her ex hb made clear in his porn preferences that he preferred a different look. As you can imagine it was not good for marital intimacy.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Since you are so particular about scripture, what is your take on Matthew 18? Because we all know she did NOT follow that procedure.
> 
> Like I said, there is one group of crazies on the internet who advocate this kind of public flogging, but thankfully they are pretty much relegated to one corner.


The thing is it doesn't look like she was trying to mend the issue as the purpose of those instructions, she just blew up his world on social media no less. I mean I understand telling close friends and family. But posting it on Facebook is bush. I don't even like that when there is cheating.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> There are *many* guys who like sex but don't watch porn believe it or *not.
> *
> I always think its amusing when people assume that if a man doesn't watch porn he cant like sex, that's nonsense. They just happen to know how damaging porn is to themselves their marriage. They chose to use self control not to go down that route and focus on their wives.


And I always find it amusing that people say they don’t watch porn and wouldn’t and then get caught doing it lol. It’s beyong rare to find a guy who has never ever seen any pornography but believe what you like. 

And absolutely porn CAN damage marriages but it doesn’t always. It’s like any other stimulus and too much is a bad thing.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I don't agree, she may well have loved him. She has strong values and I think that's brilliant.
> You can know the one you are going to marry pretty well. We married after 9 months and 13 years later nothing has emerged that was a shock or surprise in that way. We agreed on our values and faith and all the important things.


Let me ask you, if you loved someone and this happened the first thing you would do is go on social media and broadcast it? I mean that's what I don't get. I mean as everyone knows I would be the first to say divorce, but even I wouldn't say don't broadcast THAT on social media. To me it just comes across as vindictive.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> I wonder if her reaction was made worse by her perception that he prefers a look that's much different then her?
> 
> I know someone like this....her ex hb made clear in his porn preferences that he preferred a different look. As you can imagine it was not good for marital intimacy.


People can have more then one type though. I could see if it's always one type.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

sokillme said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > Since you are so particular about scripture, what is your take on Matthew 18? Because we all know she did NOT follow that procedure.
> ...


Yep. And to think some so-called "professionals" advocate billboards


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Yep. And to think some so-called "professionals" advocate billboards


This is what Romans 12:19 "vengeance is mine" is about and why what she did is a sin. I think in cases like this it's really to protect the person who was wronged more then the person who wronged them. Because her reaction in my opinion makes HER look bad too. Her purpose of posting it all over the internet was very plainly to take vengeance. 

Look I would not have a problem with her never speaking to him again if he lied to her because she is not required to talk to him again, that to me is different. It's a passive response, not an active one. The point is not to be active in your response, but that doesn't mean you can't withdraw.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> I wonder if her reaction was made worse by her perception that he prefers a look that's much different then her?
> 
> I know someone like this....her ex hb made clear in his porn preferences that he preferred a different look. As you can imagine it was not good for marital intimacy.


I've talked with a lot of women who feel inadequate after seeing what their husbands were watching because it was body types that weren't theirs.

Add to that the husbands lied about porn use when marrying and boom...


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> I've talked with a lot of women who feel inadequate after seeing what their husbands were watching because it was body types that weren't theirs.


This doesn't mean it's true though. This is the same thing with guys comparing size where most women in general consistently say there is a sweet spot but too large can hurt. Guys still consistently always want to be the biggest because they are sure biggest is better. 

In all this stuff people need to communicate about it. That's marriage.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Let me ask you, if you loved someone and this happened the first thing you would do is go on social media and broadcast it? I mean that's what I don't get. I mean as everyone knows I would be the first to say divorce, but even I wouldn't say don't broadcast THAT on social media. To me it just comes across as vindictive.



There is no way that I would go onto social media about it. That's just not me, I dont treat people that way.

Even now, 19 years after my first marriage ended, only a very small number of people know what he did, and they were nearly all people who needed to know. I could have made his life hell, but that's not how I operate. Some people today though live their lives on social media, I guess she was reacting out of her hurt and sense of betrayal.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

sokillme said:


> This doesn't mean it's true though. This is the same thing with guys comparing size where most women in general consistently say there is a sweet spot but too large can hurt. Guys still consistently always want to be the biggest because they are sure biggest is better.
> 
> In all this stuff people need to communicate about it. That's marriage.


Preaching to the choir here. I have brought that up many times while trying to help repair a damaged marriage. It is useful information but does little to salve harmed emotions along with the betrayal brought by guys lying about porn use.

If a wife cheated with a guy who was bigger than hubby, it is extremely difficult to convince him he is adequate and that wasn't the reason she cheated at all.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> And I always find it amusing that people say they don’t watch porn and wouldn’t and then get caught doing it lol. It’s beyong rare to find a guy who has never ever seen any pornography but believe what you like.
> 
> And absolutely porn CAN damage marriages but it doesn’t always. It’s like any other stimulus and too much is a bad thing.


It may not be common, but there are many guys out there who don't watch it. I know that men who do like to think that all men do it, but its not the case. Far from it. My husband for one, and I have many friends whose long term marriages don't involve porn in anyway. 

I believe that porn is always damaging for the one watching and the marriage in so many ways.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

sokillme said:


> The thing is it doesn't look like she was trying to mend the issue as the purpose of those instructions, she just blew up his world on social media no less. I mean I understand telling close friends and family. But posting it on Facebook is bush. I don't even like that when there is cheating.


I agree, but I guess that hurt and betrayal makes some act badly.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> It may not be common, but there are many guys out there who don't watch it. I know that men who do like to think that all men do it, but its not the case. Far from it. My husband for one, and I have *many friends whose long term marriages don't involve porn in anyway. *
> 
> I believe that porn is always damaging for the one watching and the marriage in so many ways.


That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it I don’t agree and wouldn’t let someone control my sexuality. 

But you’re a fool to think you know what goes on inside a persons marriage. Your assumptions lead your thought process. Your friends, especially the religious ones, wouldn’t tell you if they were into porn or “freaky” stuff because you are so judgmental about it. Hell if you were my friend I wouldn’t tell you either. Last statistics I saw porn is a 10-12 billion dollar a year industry in this county and 60 billion world wide. You can assume only the delinquents are watching if you like lol


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

"That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it I don’t agree and wouldn’t let someone control my sexuality. "

It would be interesting to know how far this entitlement to freedom goes and whether the woman would be afforded the same freedom.....


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I think the absolute right thing to do was call off the wedding. I also think her reaction was way over the top and very naive. A picture perfect husband and marriage? Lol. What does that even look like?

He shouldn't have lied when he got caught, but holy moly, maybe he did because he knew how she would react.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> "That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it I don’t agree and wouldn’t let someone control my sexuality. "
> 
> It would be interesting to know how far this entitlement to freedom goes and whether the woman would be afforded the same freedom.....


Not sure I get your meaning or if you were even asking me since I said it but you didn’t quote me. But if you were asking me if I’m fine with my gf: watching porn, reading romance novels, masterbating, looking at other guys YEP... she does all the above and YEP that’s ok with me so long as she is faithful to me as I am to her


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it I don’t agree and wouldn’t let someone control my sexuality.
> 
> But you’re a fool to think you know what goes on inside a persons marriage. Your assumptions lead your thought process. Your friends, especially the religious ones, wouldn’t tell you if they were into porn or “freaky” stuff because you are so judgmental about it. Hell if you were my friend I wouldn’t tell you either. Last statistics I saw porn is a 10-12 billion dollar a year industry in this county and 60 billion world wide. You can assume only the delinquents are watching if you like lol


Its not about controlling sexuality at all, its about us not letting porn control our sexuality. We don't bring others into our marriage or sex life. We know its damaging and harmful and wouldn't want to be part of such a damaging industry. 

As for my friends, they are close friends who I have known for 40 years, yes I do know there is no porn in their marriages. Just as there isn't in our marriage. 

I never said that lots of people don't use porn, sadly many cant seem to manage without it, but I do know that there are countless people who don't, who choose to go against the flow and love and respect their spouses first. There is no way that I would treat my husband in that way, I respect him far too much.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I think SHE dodged a huge bullet. A man who watches porn as well as lies and deceives?He cant be trusted.
> Not sure why she should be a nun, she just wants a man who shares her faith and moral values. There are me out there who live out their faith, I am married to one and I know many others.


LOL - I was actually thinking of your husband when I posted because he seems to be the only man I've ever read about who is that pure. That's rarer than frog's hair.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL - I was actually thinking of your husband when I posted because he seems to be the only man I've ever read about who is that pure. That's rarer than frog's hair.


Well yes I do appreciate and respect him so much, but we do know many other men with strong moral values as well who would never look at porn.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

Ursula said:

"I get that she’s mad, I get that he tried to cover up his actions, but I’m leaning more towards thinking that he dodged a huge bullet with this one."

I think without any doubt he dodged an anti-tank mine. 

For him - I wonder at what age level he is thinking. 

For her - methinks her life will not be very happy on the 'rolling-average' as people who have to depend on deciding how to take on life's challenges by falling on other peoples writing haven't learned the mental shorthand of "this is my deal-breaker" without the extraneous side trip to "this is what I was taught." If you truly and honestly have a gut reaction to something (good or bad) without that mental side-trip - you have "arrived."

Religion is (any of them!) a formula for a good life. I have been in all the various "houses of worship" and find all of them have a fair share of "holier than thou" (Christian?) and hypocritical members. 

In my courting years I dated (and only once in most cases) "religious" ladies. Just turns me off that anyone has to "quote" others to justify their code of life.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it I don’t agree and wouldn’t let someone control my sexuality.
> 
> But you’re a fool to think you know what goes on inside a persons marriage. Your assumptions lead your thought process. Your friends, especially the religious ones, wouldn’t tell you if they were into porn or “freaky” stuff because you are so judgmental about it. Hell if you were my friend I wouldn’t tell you either. Last statistics I saw porn is a 10-12 billion dollar a year industry in this county and 60 billion world wide. You can assume only the delinquents are watching if you like lol


I absolutely agree with Wolf.

You see it ALL THE TIME. Some guy, who _*everyone*_ thought was the sweetest, most innocent, most God-fearing, most loyal and loving husband and humble servant of the lord was caught soliciting a prostitute or was caught with child pornography or was having a 4 year affair or was using prostitutes or massage parlors on a regular basis or was caught masturbating in some public place or has a porn stash that would choke a horse....and the list just goes on and on and on.

*No one *knows for certain what's going on in the mind of someone else 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Nor do we know for certain WHAT a person is doing or thinking or looking at once they're alone with no one watching. Hell, just one example is that fraud Jim Baker - everyone was so sure they KNEW how pure he was and would have bet their own lives on it. God knows they were sending the fool money hand over fist, so they were literally putting their money where their mouths were in their belief of his 'righteousness and purity.' And then he gets caught for ALL kinds of illegal activity and for his part in having his fun with Jessica Hahn in some hotel room. My ex-husband always said 'PTL' stood for "Pocket the Loot." How right he was.

And let's not forget Jimmy Swaggart - yet *another* fine example of the supposed most Godliest of men who everyone claimed was pure and righteous and would 'never' stoop to the lows that lesser men are known to stoop to - and then the loser gets caught with his pants down going to prostitutes. Amazing how many 'God-like men' really *aren't* the epitome of pious righteousness that everyone so fervently wants to believe they are.

And if guys like _that _can fool literally MILLIONS of people, then everyday guys who claim to be just as pious can fool the few in their lives that matter. It ain't rocket science.

The lesson here is, you can NEVER assume to know 100% what's going on in *anyone* else's mind or heart or marriage unless you're some kind of omnipotent being with the power to do so. The last time I looked, we mere mortals simply don't possess that kind of power so one can only make this claim based on assumption, NOT fact.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I definitely feel like calling off the wedding was a good idea. I wonder though, were they having sex prior to marriage? If yes, then she is a total hypocrite and I have no respect for her (not because she had sex, but because she cherry picks her religion) If not, well, I still think her reaction was over the top but at least she's living what she preaches.

I feel for both of them in a way. I think when she found it he panicked and lied. He's certainly not alone in that. They sound young and I'm sure he had no idea of how to handle things. Now he's labeled as a pervert to all his family and friends when many of them probably have done the same damn thing, they just didn't get caught.

I feel for her because her expectations of men and a relationship are a bit unrealistic. Everyone is going to make mistakes. She'll be doing a lot of running away if she bolts every time a guy makes a mistake.

I have always found uber religious people to have no insight into the fact that they often use their religion or God as a justification for treating people horribly. Is is really ok to label this poor man a pervert and humiliate him in front of 300 people because his values aren't the same as your values? I don't think so anyway but maybe I'm naive. 

I hope they both can find someone more in line with their own values. I hope he's learned that you can't fake your values to someone. They either line up or they don't and you should move on.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

notmyjamie said:


> I definitely feel like calling off the wedding was a good idea. I wonder though, were they having sex prior to marriage? If yes, then she is a total hypocrite and I have no respect for her (not because she had sex, but because she cherry picks her religion) If not, well, I still think her reaction was over the top but at least she's living what she preaches.
> 
> I feel for both of them in a way. I think when she found it he panicked and lied. He's certainly not alone in that. They sound young and I'm sure he had no idea of how to handle things. Now he's labeled as a pervert to all his family and friends when many of them probably have done the same damn thing, they just didn't get caught.
> 
> ...


I agree that she could have shown more restraint but those 300 people were all there because of an event partially built and totally deconstructed by the little turds lie. 

It is a simple lesson, don't lie to get someone to marry you.

There are many who don't find out a spouse did it until years later and it is devastating.

I wouldn't have personally gone to the lengths this woman did but she sounds like a product of her environment and didn't seem to have certain coping skills.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

notmyjamie said:


> I feel for her because her expectations of men and a relationship are a bit unrealistic. Everyone is going to make mistakes. She'll be doing a lot of running away if she bolts every time a guy makes a mistake.


This is where I really think the big issue will be for her. According to the article:



> she dreamed of a picture-perfect marriage with a picture-perfect husband


We all know that this is about as common as a unicorn. If she truly believes this she is going to be set up for a lifetime of disappointment ...


----------



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> I agree that she could have shown more restraint but those 300 people were all there because of an event partially built and totally deconstructed by the little turds lie.
> 
> It is a simple lesson, don't lie to get someone to marry you.
> 
> ...


But I didn't get the impression that the 300 people had already arrived to the wedding. She had to make multiple phone calls I'm sure and told them all the very specific reason for the breakup. My friend cancelled her wedding and simply said "we realized we were not right for each other" and left it at that. I know there was much more involved than that but she didn't throw him under the bus by announcing all his faults. 

I agree...it is a good lesson, don't ever lie to get someone to marry you and I sincerely hope he's learned it. 

Her lack of coping skills will probably bite her in the ass someday. Seems like so many young people have pitiful coping skills.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> And if guys like _that _can fool literally MILLIONS of people, then everyday guys who claim to be just as pious can fool the few in their lives that matter.


Especially if she's a starry eyed youngster in love.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Its not about *controlling sexuality at all*, its about us not letting porn control our sexuality. We don't bring others into our marriage or sex life. We know its damaging and harmful and wouldn't want to be part of such a damaging industry.
> 
> As for my friends, they are close friends who I have known for 40 years, yes I do know there is no porn in their marriages. Just as there isn't in our marriage.
> 
> I never said that lots of people don't use porn, sadly many cant seem to manage without it, but I do know that there are countless people who don't, who choose to go against the flow and love and respect their spouses first. There is no way that I would treat my husband in that way, I respect him far too much.


Honestly you are just being contrary now and ridiculous. If I don’t mind occasionally looking at porn but my SO says “no you can’t” that’s the very definition of control. Now granted I have only every met 1 woman in my life that had your level of high horse about what I do with my body so it’s not common.

And yeah you don’t know what people do or think about. You only know what they present to you including your friends. Human sexuality goes well beyond what your notion of what you think it should be. If you were able to be honest here , and off your pedestal, even you would admit that you have or do have thoughts and feelings about things you purposely conceal from others. Why because it’s not their business and you don’t want to be judged.

But as I said you are welcome to believe whatever you like. Some need to believe in their world view bubble.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Honestly you are just being contrary now and ridiculous. If I don’t mind occasionally looking at porn but my SO says “no you can’t” that’s the very definition of control. Now granted I have only every met 1 woman in my life that had your level of high horse about what I do with my body so it’s not common.
> 
> And yeah you don’t know what people do or think about. You only know what they present to you including your friends. Human sexuality goes well beyond what your notion of what you think it should be. If you were able to be honest here , and off your pedestal, even you would admit that you have or do have thoughts and feelings about things you purposely conceal from others. Why because it’s not their business and you don’t want to be judged.
> 
> But as I said you are welcome to believe whatever you like. Some need to believe in their world view bubble.


You're hopping on your own high horse. I often disagree with her but she isn't wrong about her marriage or her friends.

We all have thoughts and feelings that need controlling but actions are choices.

I don't agree with her if she believes some people don't have stray thoughts. The Bible says otherwise.

You are straight about your porn use and your mate is fine with it.

Some of us don't want porn as part of our relationship and their is nothing controlling about it.

Watching prostitutes and exhibitionists **** really isn't for everyone and not everyone wants that in their marriage.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> You're hopping on your own high horse. I often disagree with her but she isn't wrong about her marriage or her friends.
> 
> We all have thoughts and feelings that need controlling but actions are choices.
> 
> ...


You’re now twisting my words. Her relationship is porn free and that’s fine with me. I said I wouldn’t be with someone who had those demands of me because I don’t believe that and wouldn’t let someone control me like that. It was very clear what I wrote.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I would not have had this reaction. To me personally it is way over the top.

That said, let’s face it, the bride to be is the one that has to field most of the questions. Friends and family all wanting “the dirt” on the real reason. Her getting asked by 298 people... 

I could see her thinking..Just because he’s a lying, porn watching asshat, why do I have to be protecting his pride by censoring the reason our wedding got canceled, by giving some manufatured answer?


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

The woman’s melt down is what it feels like when anyone’s world comes shattering down around them. In her case, her world view was such that this event shattered it. For some people, this would not shatter them but other things seemingly insignificant to others would.

But if your world can be literally shattered by what someone else does, you are always in a really vulnerable position. It would be best for everyone to be self sufficient at least enough to not be literally shattered if someone betrays you. Of course in cases like infidelity and breaking up families with kids, there is going to be an upheaval of your life, and you may feel shattered for a time, but mostly people do heal and are not completely shattered in the end.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> You're hopping on your own high horse. I often disagree with her but she isn't wrong about her marriage or *her friends*.
> 
> We all have thoughts and feelings that need controlling but actions are choices.
> 
> ...


So wait a second I missed this on the first read through. So you believe as she does that you know all about your friends sexuality and what they do inside their own bedroom? Do you personally share every intimate detail about what you and your wife are into, what turns you in, what positions you like? 

I find this hard to believe but if so more power to you I guess. I haven’t known anyone who shares all those details. I don’t think I want to know what my friends are doing in the bedroom either but maybe she does!?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> So wait a second I missed this on the first read through. So you believe as she does that you know all about your friends sexuality and what they do inside their own bedroom? Do you personally share every intimate detail about what you and your wife are into, what turns you in, what positions you like?
> 
> I find this hard to believe but if so more power to you I guess. I haven’t known anyone who shares all those details. I don’t think I want to know what my friends are doing in the bedroom either but maybe she does!?


Dude. There are some very long and close friendships I have and there is very little we don't know about each other.

I have friends that I trust and if they tell me they don't need to watch prostitutes and exhibitionists ****, I tend to believe them.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> So wait a second I missed this on the first read through. So you believe as she does that you know all about your friends sexuality and what they do inside their own bedroom? Do you personally share every intimate detail about what you and your wife are into, what turns you in, what positions you like?
> 
> I find this hard to believe but if so more power to you I guess. I haven’t known anyone who shares all those details. I don’t think I want to know what my friends are doing in the bedroom either but maybe she does!?


There are a few ways to look at this. Of course most people can accept that there are church moms who are doing porn camming with no one the wiser. But there are also people who use their minds to control their own behavior. It’s sort of a depravation or chastity or control or honor thing for some people.

There are lots of things that could turn me on. Do I want to be turned on by those random things if I’m in a committed relationship where I do believe that leaking out my sexual energy on the equivalent of junk food is not best practice? We all have a choice. It’s no big deal what you do, except to your partner. 

As hard as it is to believe that some men would forego porn, it really does happen. Some men view it as junk food, too. Some would prefer to save up all of their sexual energy for their wives.

I am not really talking about men who are in sexless marriages or men who have not chosen to see porn as junk food. If you or any man or woman sees it as good fun, that’s all good too. But those who chose to forego it are not weird or being controlled other than by themselves.

I also am not talking about men who hide it. They obviously want to watch it but are not going to be upfront with their wives about it. That’s not the same kind of guy.

There are guys who truly choose to forego it for lots of reasons. The ones who forego it for their own sexual (or spiritual) health shouldn’t be shamed or considered too insignificant in numbers to be considered.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> You’re now twisting my words. Her relationship is porn free and that’s fine with me. I said I wouldn’t be with someone who had those demands of me because I don’t believe that and wouldn’t let someone control me like that. It was very clear what I wrote.


My mistake then. I thought you were saying something you weren't.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Dude. There are some very long and close friendships I have and there is very little we don't know about each other.
> 
> I have friends that I trust and if they tell me they don't need to watch prostitutes and exhibitionists ****, I tend to believe them.


Sounds good to me if that works for you. Personally I think what happens in the bedroom is kinda private so...... if you guys share all the details of yours more power to you


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> There are a few ways to look at this. Of course most people can accept that there are church moms who are doing porn camming with no one the wiser. But there are also people who use their minds to control their own behavior. It’s sort of a depravation or chastity or control or honor thing for some people.
> 
> There are lots of things that could turn me on. Do I want to be turned on by those random things if I’m in a committed relationship where I do believe that leaking out my sexual energy on the equivalent of junk food is not best practice? We all have a choice. It’s no big deal what you do, except to your partner.
> 
> ...


Not hard for me to believe. People live their lives differently I just don’t don’t Believe that most men have never seen pornography. And I also wouldn’t be with anyone who chose to control my sexuality. That said If I was someone who didn’t want to look at porn and my wife didn’t want me to look at porn thats not controlling because that’s a standard I have set for myself


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Not hard for me to believe. People live their lives differently I just don’t don’t Believe that most men have never seen pornography. And I also wouldn’t be with anyone who chose to control my sexuality. That said If I was someone who didn’t want to look at porn and my wife didn’t want me to look at porn thats not controlling because that’s a standard I have set for myself


I don’t think anyone has said that most men have never seen pornography?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Not hard for me to believe. People live their lives differently I just don’t don’t Believe that most men have never seen pornography. And I also wouldn’t be with anyone who chose to control my sexuality. That said If I was someone who didn’t want to look at porn and my wife didn’t want me to look at porn thats not controlling because that’s a standard I have set for myself


You're upfront like men should be about it.

You are not in the same world as the dweeb this post was about.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> I don’t think anyone has said that most men have never seen pornography?



Diane said several times many men don’t use porn. I am saying most men at one time or another I their life have viewed it. Hell I think most people have at least seen it. Some just decided not for them


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Wolf1974 said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > I don’t think anyone has said that most men have never seen pornography?
> ...


It's interesting that you are so invested in proving Diana wring....


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> You're upfront like men should be about it.
> 
> You are not in the same world as the dweeb this post was about.


Ohh I agree he shouldnt have lied. Unfortunately some are so desperate to hold on to what they have and fear being judged they hide themselves. I’m glad they both figured this out before kids


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

100% support her choice to cancel the wedding. 

As to telling every single invitee why, I have a pretty negative view of that. Though, it isn’t surprising that a person who grew up aspiring to a picture perfect husband and a picture perfect wife, would aggressively manage the picture of her cancelled wedding. 

Visually, Claire Dalton is herself a picture perfect bride. She is beautiful and her Facebook photos show a skill at presentation. 

One of my fellow mods suggested that Claire was right not to cede the narrative to her ex fiancé. 

I see it very differently. The, I plan to nuke your reputation before you nuke mine, strategy doesn’t usually end well. 

The script goes like this, with both of them on the phone: 
Her: we are calling off the wedding, irreconcilable differences. 
Him: it is my fault, I’ve disappointed Claire and she understandably broke off the engagement 

Done. Over. People who pry are not your friends. Full stop. He lets her take the high ground in her statement while he steps up and takes the blame. 

But it is done without vindictiveness. The idea that someone has to completely win at the expense of the other - is ugly and strikes me (yes despite being a non Christian - still I get to comment on this) as completely scorched earth and un Christian.







EllisRedding said:


> So this should make for an interesting discussion :grin2: Read the article below, do you think she was in the right or do you think her Fiance dodged a major bullet???
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.distractify.com/p/bride-calls-off-wedding-browser-history


----------



## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Lmfao. I thought he was maybe a pedophile at first.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

All,
I consider FW to be one of the most skillful posters on the site. So my banter below is to be taken in the following vein: some folks collect physical objects such as stamps or coins. Me, I collect malaprops. 

Award for best malaprop of the thread goes to....

depravation, which is a form of depravity, which means perversion....
As opposed to: self deprIvation, which is restraint or self control

One letter difference, opposite meanings....




Faithful Wife said:


> There are a few ways to look at this. Of course most people can accept that there are church moms who are doing porn camming with no one the wiser. But there are also people who use their minds to control their own behavior. It’s sort of a depravation or chastity or control or honor thing for some people.
> 
> There are lots of things that could turn me on. Do I want to be turned on by those random things if I’m in a committed relationship where I do believe that leaking out my sexual energy on the equivalent of junk food is not best practice? We all have a choice. It’s no big deal what you do, except to your partner.
> 
> ...


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Diane said several times many men don’t use porn. I am saying most men at one time or another I their life have viewed it. Hell I think most people have at least seen it. Some just decided not for them


She never said these men have never seen porn in their lives. She has repeatedly said they know what porn is and choose not to indulge for their own reasons.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

BruceBanner said:


> Lmfao. I thought he was maybe a pedophile at first.


Well we don’t know what the search words are, do we?

A long time ago there was a woman who posted here who had found violent rape of teen girl porn and snuff films on her husbands laptop. They had teenaged daughters. She left him. There were people here telling her she was over reacting and that just because he had porn like that didn’t mean he was really a rapist or wanted to murder teen girls by raping them to death. That because he had been an otherwise good husband she should stay out of his private life. She said IDGAF why he watches it, I don’t want to be with someone like that.

I was shocked by the TAM response. She should stay out of his private life? I’m sorry, but if you do choose to hide your porn, then you better be ready to accept the consequences of getting caught. (Not you personally).

I’m all about people being authentic. Wanna watch porn? Then do so and don’t enter a relationship with anyone who doesn’t want it as part of their sex life.

Since we don’t know what the search words were, we don’t know exactly what the girl saw or felt. It could have been benign. But it could have been truly sickening.


----------



## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I don't fault her for canceling the wedding because of porn. That's one of those strongly-held religious beliefs that she expected in her partner. I would add waiting until marriage for sex into that category. While I think it would be absurd to not marry him just because he's looked at porn in the past (because practically all boys have), it seems like he's pretty actively using it if he has it like that on his phone. That's indicative of someone who looks at it frequently on a regular basis as opposed to very rarely. 

However, she should realize that if she wants to marry a man who has qualities like he is a virgin, never looks at porn, never masturbates, etc., she's going to have to be looking for a while and be accepting of a wide range of personal attributes. It's unlikely that most of the Mr. RichTallDarkAndHandsome guys she meets will also have those other gating qualifications.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I don't care that she outed him. If he didn't want people to know what he was up to, he shouldn't have done it. He had to have known that sooner or later she would find out. If he hadn't thought about it, then he was an idiot who had no business getting married in the first place.

For all those folks who admire the poster 'Bigger' on SI, that is exactly what he did - advised all of the wedding guests why the wedding was called off.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

MEM2020 said:


> All,
> I consider FW to be one of the most skillful posters on the site. So my banter below is to be taken in the following vein: some folks collect physical objects such as stamps or coins. Me, I collect malaprops.
> 
> Award for best malaprop of the thread goes to....
> ...


We're all guilty of misspelling from time to time. She's still cute as the ****ens.:smile2:


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> She never said these men have never seen porn in their lives. She has repeatedly said they know what porn is and choose not to indulge for their own reasons.


Where did she say that? Seemed to me she looks down on any man who has seen it. She can answer for herself I think


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I am not speaking as a mod.

Blond,
To compare these two things:
Betrayal with a live human creates:
1. biological/STD risks for the BS
2. increased potential for violent conflict/criminal activity - let’s kill my husband, he has a great life insurance policy
3. A game called, whose child is it anyway 

Betrayal via pixels creates, hurt feelings....

That said, aggressively publicizing a mans private porn preferences is the new version of **** shaming. It is almost unilaterally aimed at men, it’s usually some sort of vengeful act and it is IDENTICAL for **** shaming a woman for her choice to engage in xyz behavior behind closed doors with consenting adults. 

**** shaming is a NASTY BUSINESS. If I said, well Suzy shouldn’t have done xyz with the whole basketball team if she didn’t want the whole world to know about it. If I did that, I imagine many of the people on TAM would suggest that I was a misogynistic **** shaming jerk. 




Blondilocks said:


> I don't care that she outed him. If he didn't want people to know what he was up to, he shouldn't have done it. He had to have known that sooner or later she would find out. If he hadn't thought about it, then he was an idiot who had no business getting married in the first place.
> 
> For all those folks who admire the poster 'Bigger' on SI, that is exactly what he did - advised all of the wedding guests why the wedding was called off.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Wolf1974 said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > She never said these men have never seen porn in their lives. She has repeatedly said they know what porn is and choose not to indulge for their own reasons.
> ...


Good grief! Let it go already!


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> Good grief! Let it go already!


Says the person who quoted lol. 

Take it easy Charlie Brown you’re ok :grin2:


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Wolf1974 said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > Good grief! Let it go already!
> ...


Exactly. I'M okay.

You seem very defensive.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

God forbid M2 pre deceases me, and I am dating.....

Date: I have this intolerance of porn
Me: Gosh, I am SO glad you raised this whole topic of, well, rules of engagement when having sex with yourself. Because I have this intolerance of vibrators.....





Wolf1974 said:


> Ohh I agree he shouldnt have lied. Unfortunately some are so desperate to hold on to what they have and fear being judged they hide themselves. I’m glad they both figured this out before kids


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> Exactly. I'M okay.
> 
> You seem very defensive.


Why because you disagree with my posts. Adults talking here don’t always agree. That doesn’t mean they are defensive just they don’t see things the same away. Again you’re ok thanks for the concern though lol


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MEM2020 said:


> God forbid M2 pre deceases me, and I am dating.....
> 
> Date: I have this intolerance of porn
> Me: Gosh, I am SO glad you raised this whole topic of, well, rules of engagement when having sex with yourself. Because I have this intolerance of vibrators.....


Lol MEM that actually sounds like great first date icebreaker material. :wink2:


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Wolf,
No kidding. Anyone who says ‘men with strong morals do Not do X’, when the choices are X and NOT X, has made their view clear. 

In my experience, groups of people who are loudly virtuous, rarely are. I am not suggesting that all group members are breaking the rules. Rather that the ones who are, aggressively conceal it. 




Wolf1974 said:


> Where did she say that? Seemed to me she looks down on any man who has seen it. She can answer for herself I think


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MEM2020 said:


> God forbid M2 pre deceases me, and I am dating.....
> 
> Date: I have this intolerance of porn
> Me: Gosh, I am SO glad you raised this whole topic of, well, rules of engagement when having sex with yourself. Because I have this intolerance of vibrators.....


Vibrator - porn does not equal apples - apples.

Vibrator - fleshlight or other masturbatory object equals apples - apples.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MEM2020 said:


> Wolf,
> No kidding. Anyone who says ‘men with strong morals do Not do X’, when the choices are X and NOT X, has made their view clear.
> 
> In my experience, groups of people who are loudly virtuous, rarely are. I am not suggesting that all group members are breaking the rules. Rather that the ones who are, aggressively conceal it.


Thank you that’s exactly my point as well. I sadly have 20 years experience seeing first hand that those who shout the virtue from the mountain tops often commit the greats “sins” for lack of a better word. I personally couldn’t give a crap who agrees with porn and who doesn’t. What I do care about is those who look down on others who are clearly adults and can make their own decisions. This doesn’t single out anyone here including Diana. I probably agree with more of her posts here than many others.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Best thing to do early on is make a couple sincere, honest points, whatever they are for you as an individual. For me, they are easy...

1. The apex of sexual activity is having it WITH your partner. Full stop. 
2. My default mode is to politely decline offers of having sex done TO me, meaning it is mostly a one way thing, and instead prefer to defer to a future (hopefully nearby) date where (1) can occur....
3. Partners should ALWAYS be given right of first refusal, though this is not necessarily an event by event offer. Instead, my approach is: at a pace of every other day I will gladly focus my finite sexual energy entirely on you. 
4. If you are unable to maintain a pace that works for me, that isn’t a deal breaker to me. And you won’t have to worry about me engaging in sexual activity with other humans. That said, my overflow energy is between me myself and God. Full stop. The ONLY overlap between us on this topic is the right of first refusal, and the certainty that I won’t be giving you STDs or sleeping with your friends/family members, or any other human. 
5. If you believe you have the right to police the manner in which I have sex with myself, something I always do in private, we simply aren’t compatible.... 







Wolf1974 said:


> Lol MEM that actually sounds like great first date icebreaker material. :wink2:


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

1. I think Diana is a genuinely good person. 
2. I am fairly confident that her H is the guy she thinks he is because she is clearly smart and observant. I would not try to fool her in real life - as her husband. 
3. As to her belief that many other men in their group are behaving like her H. Well, ok here goes on that point. 

If and only if Diana has a fairly clear window into the mindset, and conduct of their friends/families wives, than I think her confidence is likely more justified. 

What I mean by that is - she seems ALL IN, regarding her marriage. Which means her commitment to her husbands needs seems strong, deep and consistent. Is she really the female norm in her group? Or is she the ideal, that everyone talks of, and many people fall far short of. 

And, not being snarky at all, because I don’t perceive her as hypocritical, it does not upset me that she views porn use as reflective of a lack of morals. 



Wolf1974 said:


> Thank you that’s exactly my point as well. I sadly have 20 years experience seeing first hand that those who shout the virtue from the mountain tops often commit the greats “sins” for lack of a better word. I personally couldn’t give a crap who agrees with porn and who doesn’t. What I do care about is those who look down on others who are clearly adults and can make their own decisions. This doesn’t single out anyone here including Diana. I probably agree with more of her posts here than many others.


----------



## Tiggy! (Sep 9, 2016)

I totally agree with her cancelling the wedding (not sure about outing him the way she did, but hurt people can react harshly).
It's lucky this happened before they got married and had kids.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MEM2020 said:


> Best thing to do early on is make a couple sincere, honest points, whatever they are for you as an individual. For me, they are easy...
> 
> 1. The apex of sexual activity is having it WITH your partner. Full stop.
> 2. My default mode is to politely decline offers of having sex done TO me, meaning it is mostly a one way thing, and instead prefer to defer to a future (hopefully nearby) date where (1) can occur....
> ...


I have shared this story here before but I have only met one woman who had a serious problem with masterbation and ironically it’s wasn’t religious based. Her former husband was one of these guys so addicted to porn that he did that every day instead of her and they were sexless as a result.

So she laid “no pun intended” :surprise: out that anyone she was seeing if they masterbated and watched porn was cheating. So needless to say I’m about to bounce ... I tell her I am high drive and sex with her once a week wasn’t going to cut it. Her solution was that anytime I was horny she would have sex. She was so matter of fact about it and sincere. I really liked her and so we gave it a go. Now we didn’t work out because we weren’t on the same path in life but to her credit for the 5 months we were together she never once faltered. Now long term and years of marriage could she keep that up? I have some doubts but she was true to her word and I was to mine. Still stands as the longest timeframe I have ever gone without masterbation


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Not posting as a mod. 

This is gonna be really fun now. 

Ok, I can’t bring myself to do it, but someone has to poll our female cohort on their relative view of the evils of porn vs flesh light. Versus, a possible outcome which is simultaneous use of both...

Doesn’t change my earlier comments one whit. When I’m having sex with myself, it is not my first choice, and it is none of anyone else’s business how I do it, including M2. She absolutely knows I watch porn. 





Faithful Wife said:


> Vibrator - porn does not equal apples - apples.
> 
> Vibrator - fleshlight or other masturbatory object equals apples - apples.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MEM2020 said:


> Not posting as a mod.
> 
> This is gonna be really fun now.
> 
> ...


Yes, I get that.

Can you imagine that some people can actually discuss these things without being defensive, trying to control each other, or trying to judge? That they simply wish to both be on the same page?

Can you also imagine that sometimes it may be the husband who has stricter personal rules about such things than the wife? In other words, the husband may be the one whose preference is that they don’t masturbate without each other, porn or no? And that there can be reasons for this other than people being controlling prudes?

Yes, I got your position. It’s yours. Doesn’t mean it’s better than others ways.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MEM2020 said:


> God forbid M2 pre deceases me, and I am dating.....
> 
> Date: I have this intolerance of porn
> Me: Gosh, I am SO glad you raised this whole topic of, well, rules of engagement when having sex with yourself. Because I have this intolerance of vibrators.....


I don't equate voyerism with toys but it is interesting that you do.

To be fair though, I think up fantasies and sometimes remember erotic stories for self gratification so I understand that you are using porn as a tool.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> I don't equate voyerism with toys but it is interesting that you do.
> 
> To be fair though, I think up fantasies and sometimes remember erotic stories for self gratification so I understand that you are using *porn as a tool.[*/QUOTE]
> 
> Guess that’s how I have always thought of it. A tool, the visual stimuli to help get there. Without visual stimuli I wouldn’t be able to. Hence why I wouldn’t be ok with anyone telling me you can’t look at that. For me it’s the exact same as saying you can’t masterbate.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> ConanHub said:
> 
> 
> > I don't equate voyerism with toys but it is interesting that you do.
> ...


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > Diana could tell me not to look at it because our doctrine is the same.
> ...


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> ConanHub said:
> 
> 
> > Well clearly I wasn’t talking about you or her I’m not in a relationship with either of you. I am talking about being with a woman who has a no masterbation rule
> ...


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Guess that’s how I have always thought of it. A tool, the visual stimuli to help get there. Without visual stimuli I wouldn’t be able to. Hence why I wouldn’t be ok with anyone telling me you can’t look at that. For me it’s the exact same as saying you can’t masterbate.


You can’t get there without it?

Whoa.


----------



## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

What a long and boring article about such a stupid thing...(no offence to the OP, I just can’t believe I actually read this).

The thread of course derailed immediately into personal perception of what porn means to different people....

I think the two probably had no trust left for each other and were looking for a way out (what prompted her to check his browser history in the first place?).

If there is trust, there are (usually) no issues: e.g. it turns my wife on to know what kind of porn/scenarios turn me on and it turns me on what dirty thoughts might arouse her, even (or especially) if they have nothing to do with me.
(She would never really say or admit that but I can sense her dirty little mind deep down there, somewhere...). 
I would sometimes send her short clips of what I (pretend) to think would turn her on and she (pretends) to not be turned on by them (even though she clearly is, physically). So we both pretend and do a bit of mind****ery in this respect, but as long as it gets the job done (and gets us massively horny), who cares? 

Also: who cares about those two morons from the article? Everyone is different and there’s no one rule that is right for everyone.

One major misunderstanding between the sexes I sometimes find from reading stuff is that (some) women misunderstand what porn means to (most) men: they don’t look at it while wishing to bang or ‘lust’ at anyone in particular on the screen instead of their wife: they are just too lazy (or unable) to use their own imagination to imagine a particular sexual scenario and porn is a quick way of ‘getting there’. No emotional involvement.

I find ‘romantic thoughts’ from ‘romance novels’ more problematic...But as far as my wife goes: whatever turns her on, turns me on. And if she can include me somehow for the ‘practical’ aspect, that’s already a blessing 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> You can’t get there without it?
> 
> Whoa.


Without visual stimuli nope. Can’t really have sex in the pitch black dark either same reason. Physical sensations aren’t enough Many I guys I know are like this. Need visual imagery to get going.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > I get the *no porn rule because of various factors but not MB*.
> ...


----------



## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> Without visual stimuli nope. Can’t really have sex in the pitch black dark either same reason. Physical sensations aren’t enough Many I guys I know are like this. Need visual imagery to get going.



For me, smell and touch are also very powerful (not available with porn)...Imagination alone is difficult. My mind starts wandering (did I lock the door? What’s for dinner tonight? Is there really no escape at the event horizon of a black hole? Do penguins or mods have a sense of humour?)
It’s just difficult to focus on things that actually matter these days not to mention have myself a proper good (home)cuming.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Without visual stimuli nope. Can’t really have sex in the pitch black dark either same reason. Physical sensations aren’t enough Many I guys I know are like this. Need visual imagery to get going.


Not doubting you, but I kind of think you are describing something that is learned, not biological.

Your body now “demands” visual stimuli to get there. There is no reason to not give your body what it demands, if that’s your preference.

But if you or any man was stuck on a desert island with only your hands and no porn, your body would quickly “remember” that it doesn’t need anything but friction and your spank bank to get there.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Conan,

Vibrator = Amplifier = Porn = Amplifier = Fleshlight = Amplifier

Most men and women can rapture by themselves via: hand + imagination 

I imagine that vibrators make for a more intense experience just as either porn or flesh lights do....


I want to meet the guy, balls gigantic enough to say on a first date, to a woman he actually likes and desires: Porn, heck no what kind of man do you think I am, I have a flesh light, with 5 different interior surface options...






ConanHub said:


> I don't equate voyerism with toys but it is interesting that you do.
> 
> To be fair though, I think up fantasies and sometimes remember erotic stories for self gratification so I understand that you are using porn as a tool.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MEM2020 said:


> Conan,
> 
> Vibrator = Amplifier = Porn = Amplifier = Fleshlight = Amplifier
> 
> ...


Mem, when you’re kinky and dating, you sometimes hear much stranger things than that. A fleshlight is basically beginner stuff.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Likely her fiancé also belongs to her ultra-conservative religion (she wouldn't be able to have her "eternal family" if she married an outsider). I would have thought church counseling was an option but obviously she was done once he failed to live up to the extremely high standards of her (and presumably his) religion. That issue would certainly be considered a "problem" and he knew it. 

Part of her reaction probably had to do with the marriages her siblings had made (all perfect, to her knowledge) and her age (21) and how long she had been with him (four years). Now I understand (but definitely don't condone) the public shaming she did. It fits.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MEM2020 said:


> Conan,
> 
> Vibrator = Amplifier = Porn = Amplifier = Fleshlight = Amplifier
> 
> ...


You can classify it as you see it.

I see porn as voyeurism and a vibrator as a toy.

You actually need people for voyeurism and only yourself for MB. Toys can be used by yourself or with your partner.

You absolutely need others to perform for feeding voyeuristic stimulation.

Your welcome to classify it as a toy but I can't see it.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MEM2020 said:


> Conan,
> 
> Vibrator = Amplifier = Porn = Amplifier = Fleshlight = Amplifier
> 
> ...


P.S. Back in the day, I told women I had just watched a live sex show and various other kinky details that didn't seem to impede their pursuing me a bit. I've watched porn with partners on a first date.

Never been interested in toys myself though I've wanted to try one with the Mrs. recently.


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> I absolutely support her decision to call off the wedding. She has strong personal convictions, and he lied about his. It's simple. it is the public outing that I have trouble with. It is absolutely not biblical, and normal people don't do things like that period


I think this sums it up well.

I see this as being very analogous to the many thread we have seen from guys who are upset that their fiancé/girlfriend/wife lied about their sexual past.

This woman has the right to marry the kind of man she wants and she should not be forced to compromise her convictions, nor to be shamed for them. She has to understand that it may restrict the available pool of men that meet her requirements.

The guy who wants a low number (or zero number) woman has the right to marry the kind of woman he wants and he should not be forced to compromise his convictions, nor to be shamed for them. He has to understand that it may restrict the available pool of women that meet his requirements.

It is deceitful for her fiancé to lie about meeting her requirements because "he is afraid she wouldn't marry him if she knew the truth."

It is deceitful for a woman to lie to her low-number requiring fiancé about meeting his requirements because "she is afraid he wouldn't marry her if he knew the truth."

HOWEVER...
To call him a "pervert" and shame him in front of hundreds of people is wholly evil and selfish, just as a man would be who called his fiancé a "***** or a ****" in front of hundreds of people. It's just a form of abuse. Not every guy who looks at porn is a "pervert" any more than every woman who has a past is a "*****". (**** = insert insulting words used to imply a woman of low sexual continence). 

There will be difficulties in every marriage, and if THIS is how she acts when she feels wronged, then he is lucky to be rid of her. And sure, he tried to deceive her, but what is going to happen to the future guy she marries who meets her requirements and doesn't watch porn? When she gets angry at him, I predict that she'll go on a scorched earth evil tirade if she THINKS she's been wronged, regardless of who is REALLY wrong. 

And if the concern is that the leopard doesn't change his spots when talking about porn-watchers and women with a past, I'd say that adage REALLY applies to vindictive, hateful, hurtful *****es. (**** = insert common slang word used to note women with disagreeable personalities)


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I bet he said, 
as his face turned beet red.....

I never really got much past advanced beginner at this particular game. M2 deserved better, but I compensate by being extremely funny. 







Faithful Wife said:


> Mem, when you’re kinky and dating, you sometimes hear much stranger things than that. A fleshlight is basically beginner stuff.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Absolutely perfect analogy. 

Any guy who then demanded to call 300 guests to tell them that his fiancé had had 20 partners instead of the 2 she initially told him, wouldn’t just fail the gentlemen test, he would fail the being human test.

As for all those posters who said, well she was upset....
My view is that you find out what people are like WHEN they are upset. Everybody acts nice at a cocktail party. 

That said, given her scorched earth mindset this fellow escaped pretty lucky in that they hadn’t yet had children. 




Wolfman1968 said:


> I think this sums it up well.
> 
> I see this as being very analogous to the many thread we have seen from guys who are upset that their fiancé/girlfriend/wife lied about their sexual past.
> 
> ...


----------



## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Well yes I do appreciate and respect him so much, but we do know many other men with strong moral values as well who would never look at porn.


Does your husband not look at porn because it just does not turn him on - or, does he not look at it (although it would turn him on) because he would be breaking his word to you and his god?


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Valid distinction.

What about CGI porn? It is getting close to indistinguishable. Maybe 5-10 years. 




ConanHub said:


> You can classify it as you see it.
> 
> I see porn as voyeurism and a vibrator as a toy.
> 
> ...


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MEM2020 said:


> Valid distinction.
> 
> What about CGI porn? It is getting close to indistinguishable. Maybe 5-10 years.
> 
> ...


I know you weren’t asking me but I do think any kind of animated porn is in a sort of different class.

As far as in a relationship, I would consider it the same as any other porn if we had rules about that.

In the bigger picture of knowing that no one was exploited, animated porn is different in that way and therefore to me, it is more healthy in general. (I’m all for sex work and porn, but there’s a lot of sketchy stuff and I definitely do not want to take part in something that caused anyone harm).

The next best way to know your porn wasn’t made using sexually exploited people is to make it yourself for your own enjoyment together or apart. 

The third best way is to only visit sites of people who put out their own porn of themselves and are in control of it. Fetlife is great for that. People who truly want to get naked and screw for the viewing pleasure of the rest of us are awesome! More power to them.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MEM2020 said:


> Valid distinction.
> 
> What about CGI porn? It is getting close to indistinguishable. Maybe 5-10 years.


That's a point I have been considering for a while.

Animation doesn't involve anything above voice acting as far as I can tell where it concerns people and I can't really find a problem with it where it is directly against scripture even.

I'm definitely not going to call animation the same as watching actual people.

It may fall in the same category as storytelling and I read erotic stories without concern that I am crossing biblical lines.

I'm definitely not in a popular position with fellow Christians on this topic but I am having a hard time formulating an argument against it.

It might be good as far as I can tell. 

The jury is still out with my view on it but it seems fine. It is a tool that will be abused by the weak but that is true of everything in existence.

Just because something is abused doesn't make it bad.

I know this was more than you asked for but this is a topic I have been examining for a while.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I don’t dare watch any porn right now because I’m a friggen incel and watching other people have sex just makes me jealous and pissed off. I don’t want to go on a porn induced homicidal incel rage. :cussing:


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Not doubting you, but I kind of think you are describing something that is learned, not biological.
> 
> Your body now “demands” visual stimuli to get there. There is no reason to not give your body what it demands, if that’s your preference.
> 
> *But if you or any man was stuck on a desert island with only your hands and no porn, your body would quickly “remember” that it doesn’t need anything but friction and your spank bank to get there*.


Wasn’t true in the beginning actually. When I first discovered masterbation it was when I was young. I could get hard and masterbate but often lost erections or no matter how much i went at it nothing happend. Years later when I found visual stimuli I was able to maintain Erections and orgasm. So for me they are linked. I was a bit of a late bloomer in this department.

Stuck on a deserted island I don’t know that I could maintain long enough to get there. I would have to hope some island ladies would come rescue me lol


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The bride may now be regretting outing him. Was what she did 'normal'? Who can say. Did she shoot herself in the foot with potential suitors? Maybe; then again, any guy will know going in that if his intent is to deceive then he'll know what may happen. They weren't married so she didn't owe him the consideration of protecting his feelings or reputation. And, she just may have taught him a valuable life lesson.
@InMyPrime, re your question regarding penguins and mods - it's debatable.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Religion and porn are the same... :laugh:


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> The bride may now be regretting outing him. Was what she did 'normal'? Who can say. Did she shoot herself in the foot with potential suitors? Maybe; then again, any guy will know going in that if his intent is to deceive then he'll know what may happen. They weren't married so she didn't owe him the consideration of protecting his feelings or reputation. And, she just may have taught him a valuable life lesson.
> @InMyPrime, re your question regarding penguins and mods - it's debatable.


“Heaven has no rage,nor hell a fury, as a woman scorned”


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

In Absentia said:


> Religion and porn are the same... <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_smile_big.png" border="0" alt="" title="Laugh" ></a>


You mean like nun porn?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> Honestly you are just being contrary now and ridiculous. If I don’t mind occasionally looking at porn but my SO says “no you can’t” that’s the very definition of control. Now granted I have only every met 1 woman in my life that had your level of high horse about what I do with my body so it’s not common.
> 
> And yeah you don’t know what people do or think about. You only know what they present to you including your friends. Human sexuality goes well beyond what your notion of what you think it should be. If you were able to be honest here , and off your pedestal, even you would admit that you have or do have thoughts and feelings about things you purposely conceal from others. Why because it’s not their business and you don’t want to be judged.
> 
> But as I said you are welcome to believe whatever you like. Some need to believe in their world view bubble.


I find it really odd that you can't believe that there are loads of people who see porn as something harmful and damaging and don't watch it. There you go, you carry on believing that everyone watches porn. 

As for what I think about, I am a very honest and open person, both with my husband, friends and family. As they are with me. Think what you like though, makes no difference. 

When I married it was forsaking all others, that includes others in porn. 

Sad that you treat people who wont watch it like this though.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Aspydad said:


> Does your husband not look at porn because it just does not turn him on - or, does he not look at it (although it would turn him on) because he would be breaking his word to you and his god?


Thanks for the question. 
Nothing to do with me, he never looked at it in his first marriage either or before or after. He doesn't watch it because he knows that its damaging, that its addictive, that it often gets worse as time passes to get the same affect, that it destroys marriages, that it distorts a mans view of sex and women, and because as a Christian its forbidden for all the reasons I stated. 
He like me wants our sex life to be about us, not about others we may or may not have seen on porn earlier that day. 

I know that a man who watched porn isn't one I would want to marry. He is the same. He wouldn't have been interested in a woman who thought it was ok. There are many who feel the same way.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Wasn’t true in the beginning actually. When I first discovered masterbation it was when I was young. I could get hard and masterbate but often lost erections or no matter how much i went at it nothing happend. Years later when I found visual stimuli I was able to maintain Erections and orgasm. So for me they are linked. I was a bit of a late bloomer in this department.
> 
> Stuck on a deserted island I don’t know that I could maintain long enough to get there. I would have to hope some island ladies would come rescue me lol


It kind of sounds like you may have a mechanical issue. 

People can and can’t get off easily usually due to blood flow. Some people’s bodies and genitals are wired up so that arousal happens quickly and efficiently and the blood flow gets all the systems ready to blow. 

But the slightest variation in the system can cause slight blood flow issues, which unfortunately directly affect the ability to O.

This is not the same as psych issues, doesn’t sound like that’s your issue. 

There’s of course a bell curve of normal with arousal and blood flow and O’s, and I don’t think you’re at the top of the curve.

There are many young men whose first O came spontaneously with no friction. Or in wet dreams. Or with only the barest friction. And many who report having walked around hard for days at a time, sometimes popping one off 5 times a day (and back in the day when there was not porn available at every moment). I don’t know if these guys are on the top of the bell curve either, they may be on the opposite side of you. But I’m just pointing them out because again, I kind of think your body is on the lower end of efficiency for blood flow, based on your descriptions.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> ConanHub said:
> 
> 
> > I don't equate voyerism with toys but it is interesting that you do.
> ...


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > You can masturbate without porn. People did it for countless centuries and are doing it now.
> ...


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> It kind of sounds like you may have a mechanical issue.
> 
> People can and can’t get off easily usually due to blood flow. Some people’s bodies and genitals are wired up so that arousal happens quickly and efficiently and the blood flow gets all the systems ready to blow.
> 
> ...


Not sure where I am at the curve. But I have maintained a very healthy sex life my entire adult life averaging 4-7 times a week being high drive. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it far as I’m concerned


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MEM2020 said:


> 1. I think Diana is a genuinely good person.
> 2. I am fairly confident that her H is the guy she thinks he is because she is clearly smart and observant. I would not try to fool her in real life - as her husband.
> 3. As to her belief that many other men in their group are behaving like her H. Well, ok here goes on that point.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I very much appreciate your comments and perception and understanding of where I am coming from.

When it comes to my friends most have been married for a very long time. Unlike me, nearly all of them are with their first husband. Most married for 30-40 years. Most 100% committed to their marriages and husbands. My main friends I have known for about 20-30 years, we know a lot about each other. 

Yes my husband is the man I think he is. If anything his standards are even higher than mine. He has always had those standards since a teen. His love for God is paramount. He loves sex very much, but within marriage and between each other.He is a man who very much lives out his faith and I respect him highly. 

We try not to be hypocritical, bearing in mind we are fallible as everyone is, but we do share the same standards when it comes to sex, porn, marriage etc. There are so many more like us, trying their best to live Gods way. The reason I do this is because I have learnt that He is always wise and sensible and never says anything without very good reasons. They are like warnings, if you do this and that there will be consequences.

Of course there are some well known Christians who have public failings, but in my experience most are just decent nice people wanting to live His way.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> I find it really odd that you can't believe that there are loads of people who see porn as something harmful and damaging and don't watch it. There you go, you carry on believing that everyone watches porn.
> 
> As for what I think about, I am a very honest and open person, both with my husband, friends and family. As they are with me. Think what you like though, makes no difference.
> 
> ...


Nope your deliberately twisting my words now. I have said repeatedly I have no stake or care if people watch porn or don’t. It’s a choice if they do or don’t. What I am defending is the choice to watch it if people choose. Porn bothers you not me. You can see it damaging if you like and choose partners who agree with you. I don’t agree with you and reserve the right to choose partners who have no problem or issue with masterbation or porn. Your choices and mine don’t align and we can leave it there. Thankful we both have the freedom to decide for ourselves


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Diana7 said:
> 
> 
> > I certainly do and most probably do as well.
> ...


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > You can masturbate without porn. People did it for countless centuries and are doing it now.
> ...


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Not sure where I am at the curve. But I have maintained a very healthy sex life my entire adult life averaging 4-7 times a week being high drive. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it far as I’m concerned


Not saying it’s broke. Just saying I don’t think your experience describes “most guys”.

See Rocky’s response, as one example. 

A lot of men really don’t need visual stimulation (though they may still choose it and prefer it, they would be able to get off without it).


----------



## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Openminded said:


> Part of her reaction probably had to do with the marriages her siblings had made (all perfect, to her knowledge) and her age (21) and how long she had been with him (four years). Now I understand (but definitely don't condone) the public shaming she did. It fits.


Since they've been together for 4 years starting around 17, I wonder what sort of intimacy they have had in that time. Based on what she did, I think he would be justified in describing what kind of physical contact she has engaged in with him. I would guess that any contact more than hand-holding and pecks would likely also be prohibited by her religion and would subject her to shame as well.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Not saying it’s broke. Just saying I don’t think your experience describes “most guys”.
> 
> See Rocky’s response, as one example.
> 
> A lot of men really don’t need visual stimulation (though they may still choose it and prefer it, they would be able to get off without it).


I disagree. I think most men when masterbating think about something sexual based. If it’s not porn it’s current or past partners that turn them on. But since we can’t poll all men guess we will just see it differently


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> ConanHub said:
> 
> 
> > What is strange about needing visual stimuli. You said yourself you use your imagination so what’s different about that? Prior to having an imagination, you know because I never had sex, I couldn’t. Nothing different as far as I can tell
> ...


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > You actually explained a condition I haven't heard of yet.
> ...


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Not saying it’s broke. Just saying I don’t think your experience describes “most guys”.
> ...


Yes they all THINK about something. That was what I said already. Your mind and your hands are all most men “need” to get off.

You then argued that they would also “need” visual stimulation.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> ConanHub said:
> 
> 
> > Wolf1974 said:
> ...


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Yes they all THINK about something. That was what I said already. Your mind and your hands are all most men “need” to get off.
> 
> You then argued that they would also “need” visual stimulation.


Yes visual that comes from either imagery or mental images. I don’t see what the difference is between those ...that’s what I have said as well


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > If you can get off with just your imagination (and your hands) then I misunderstood you.
> ...


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Yes they all THINK about something. That was what I said already. Your mind and your hands are all most men “need” to get off.
> ...


I thought you specifically said you would not be able to get off without porn.

Yes, porn is different than your spank bank. 

Just clarifying.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> I thought you specifically said you would not be able to get off without porn.
> 
> Yes, porn is different than your spank bank.
> 
> Just clarifying.


It is different but they are both visual imagery. Honestly though, might just be the women I have been with, but they would prefer I watch something other than think of women in my past. I feel the same way. I could care less if my soon to be finance watches porn or reads romance novels or whatever and masterbate. I would far prefer she does that than think about some guy from her past and masterbate. Maybe just me


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > I thought you specifically said you would not be able to get off without porn.
> ...


What would be wrong for either of you to just fantasize about each other to get off?

Not an actual suggestion. Just a response to the idea that you both wouldn’t want each other to fantasize about exes.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> What would be wrong for either of you to just fantasize about each other to get off?
> 
> Not an actual suggestion. Just a response to the idea that you both wouldn’t want each other to fantasize about exes.


Nothing is wrong at all with it. My mind just works fast and flips around to various things. Even in sex I go from what I see to what feel to what I taste to what I hear. No real control just keeps jumping around. 

Spank bank stuff for me is the same and it jumps around so I would t be able to stay on a singular sexual encounter from start to finish. Now I have always been like this, very type A and mind jumps a lot. I do know that predominately my visual wins so if I have something physically visual I can concentrate on just that. So when having sex so long as I can see my Gf I am 100% there. So long as I am looking at something on a screen I can concentrate on just that. Trying to just think it jumps around. Maybe my GF can stay on a track but i know she has some soft core stuff she likes “for women” she says that she prefers when I am working. Her and that vibrator lol


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wolf - makes sense. What you’re describing sounds like how my spank bank plays out. It’s all over the place. That doesn’t bother me though, I just ride it all over through my mind. 

I also know the difference in how it feels if I focus on porn. Like drinking it in visually without much mental activity (compared to spank bank).


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Stuck on a deserted island I don’t know that I could maintain long enough to get there. I would have to hope some island ladies would come rescue me lol


This statement would seem to indicate that you can't even maintain an erection without direct visual stimulation from either a picture or an actual woman.

If that is the case, you do have a rare condition.

Can you just have thoughts and memories without direct visual stimulation to maintain an erection and MB?


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> This statement would seem to indicate that you can't even maintain an erection without direct visual stimulation from either a picture or an actual woman.
> 
> If that is the case, you do have a rare condition.
> 
> Can you just have thoughts and memories without direct visual stimulation to maintain an erection and MB?


Wow you are really assuming here. Yes I can. Imagery from a picture, mind movies, or actually porn movies are all imagery....just different type

But masterbation is never my preferred method. I always prefer sex and the real thing.. hence why I need to island ladies to come rescue me lol


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

wilson said:


> Since they've been together for 4 years starting around 17, I wonder what sort of intimacy they have had in that time. Based on what she did, I think he would be justified in describing what kind of physical contact she has engaged in with him. I would guess that any contact more than hand-holding and pecks would likely also be prohibited by her religion and would subject her to shame as well.


I agree.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Wow you are really assuming here. Yes I can. Imagery from a picture, mind movies, or actually porn movies are all imagery....just different type
> 
> But masterbation is never my preferred method. I always prefer sex and the real thing.. hence why I need to island ladies to come rescue me lol


Thanks for explaining but I will say WOW right back because you absolutely led us to believe you could not maintain an erection without direct visual stimulation.

Your words stated it plainly.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > If you can get off with just your imagination (and your hands) then I misunderstood you.
> ...


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Thanks for explaining but I will say WOW right back because you absolutely led us to believe you could not maintain an erection without direct visual stimulation.
> 
> Your words stated it plainly.


That is what I have said all along!!!!

The difference is I don’t see a difference between physical visual imagery and mental imagery. They are both visual stimulation. One is on a screen one is mental imagery. If you can maintain erections and cum just lookin and concentrating at a wall super for you.

It’s whatever dude. I’m good here lol. You can think that’s weird or not or i’m broken or whatever. I’m good my soon to be fiancé is good and I’m glad the couple didn’t get married lol


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Diana,
A couple factors influence my reaction to both you, and your viewpoint. The first is this: Just because I do something doesn’t mean that I think it is right, good or harmless in every sense. And consequently, I don’t get agitated by viewpoints that describe the drawbacks whether those be religious or more secular (FW did an excellent treatment on this topic a few posts back).

The fusion of your and FW comments sort of looks like this. There are 4 aspects to any patterned behavior:
1. Impact on yourself in the secular sense 
2. Impact on your intimate relationship 
3. Impact on broader society (with porn this mostly means impact on the actors/actresses)
4. Impact on your soul/relationship with God






Diana7 said:


> Thank you. I very much appreciate your comments and perception and understanding of where I am coming from.
> 
> When it comes to my friends most have been married for a very long time. Unlike me, nearly all of them are with their first husband. Most married for 30-40 years. Most 100% committed to their marriages and husbands. My main friends I have known for about 20-30 years, we know a lot about each other.
> 
> ...


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...01205/the-triggers-sexual-desire-men-vs-women


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

I don't know how many of you went to the link to her blog, but she has a serious penchant for melodrama. I pity her in the sense that she seems a bit self-absorbed and closed minded to her own detriment. I expect she will have a rough go of it finding her ideal suitor, especially now. I wonder why the thought of trying to help heal her fiance through his addiction never occurred to her? Seems like that would have been the Christian thing to do.


----------



## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

Stories on distractifly are about as believable as UFO sightings and bigfoot photos. the person in this story has her own website called love matters or something like that. I think its all phony


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The bride is Mormon. If they were going to have their marriage sealed in the temple, she could get a divorce but would still have to petition the church to unseal the marriage before marrying in the temple, again. An act the church may or may not grant. Whereas, men are allowed to be sealed to more than one woman so the fiance wouldn't have had to petition the church (which I find curious as this should have been rewritten when they abolished polygamy). 

If the church did not grant the unsealing, she would have to go through life knowing that she would be stuck with him for eternity. Maybe, now some people will understand her devastation at his deceit.


----------



## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> When I married it was forsaking all others, that includes others in porn.



Agreed: one should definitely be advised against sexual intercourse with all others in porn. That’s impractical. Unless you make your own porn (which we sometimes do). Then ‘all others’ just include wife (and our sex slave Allejuandro, who sometimes hides in the cupboard and comes out on special occasions).

I can’t remember: is it frowned upon videoing yourselves doing unspeakable, consensually aggressive and humiliating acts of love, or is it a go, according to scripture?
(Disclosure: no gerbils were harmed against their will while making the videos). 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > You can masturbate without porn. People did it for countless centuries and are doing it now.
> ...


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

All of those stories of amazing revenge on cheaters are written by the same writer/actor/activist Mustafa Gatollari.

Not saying they aren't true, but I would advise caution.


----------



## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > You actually explained a condition I haven't heard of yet.
> ...


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

SongoftheSouth said:


> Stories on distractifly are about as believable as UFO sightings and bigfoot photos. the person in this story has her own website called love matters or something like that. I think its all phony


 I expect you're right, but it made good kindling for this bonfire of a thread.


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

If the article were real they gave away it wasn't "porn." 
She said, "sick and twisted ideas of what women supposedly look like," 
Must not have been porn. 
Something more like, "big breasted women," or big beautiful women."
>

If article is true, it speaks volumes of the bride to be. >


ETA: He would be the one who dodged the mines. I could see it now, don't walk in front of me naked, don't admire my body, not proper to kiss in front of anyone.........controlling, controlling.


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> The bride is Mormon. If they were going to have their marriage sealed in the temple, she could get a divorce but would still have to petition the church to unseal the marriage before marrying in the temple, again. An act the church may or may not grant. Whereas, men are allowed to be sealed to more than one woman so the fiance wouldn't have had to petition the church (which I find curious as this should have been rewritten when they abolished polygamy).
> 
> If the church did not grant the unsealing, she would have to go through life knowing that she would be stuck with him for eternity. Maybe, now some people will understand her devastation at his deceit.


Understand her devastation at his deceit so that she call off the marriage? Sure. I never had a problem with her calling off the marriage. She has the right to be selective about the kind of man she wants to marry. 

Understand her calling him a "pervert" in front of (or to, if done by email, etc.) hundreds of people? No. That still shows that she is a hateful, vindictive, evil individual. 

Catholics are unable to divorce, and there's no guarantee that the church would find a marriage invalid/nonsacramental and therefore meriting an annulment. So if you are giving a pass to this, then you should also give a pass to a Catholic man who discovers his wife/fiance lied about her past. And by your logic above, he would be "devastated" that he might not be able to marry again in the Catholic church, so he should be able to notify every one of hundreds of people that she is a skanky diseased "*****" who tried to deceive him.

Heck, why stop at just not being able to have a religious marriage? Wouldn't ANY deceit with implications also apply? Wouldn't a guy who discovered his fiancé hid the fact that she was the town bicycle ("everyone gets a ride") also be "devastated" by her deceit and the fact that he could have lost half his assets and be on the hook for alimony? Isn't that just as life altering as not being able to get a religious wedding? I think so. Maybe worse. He'd be justified spreading the word to the whole world about what a skank she is, by your logic, because he is "devastated".


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

"Understand her calling him a "pervert" in front of (or to, if done by email, etc.) hundreds of people? No. That still shows that she is a hateful, vindictive, evil individual. "

I completely agree. Sadly, this is what fundamentalist legalism does to so called christians.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

red oak said:


> If the article were real they gave away it wasn't "porn."
> She said, "sick and twisted ideas of what women supposedly look like,"
> Must not have been porn.
> Something more like, "big breasted women," or big beautiful women."
> ...


I agree it could have been that innocent.

But it also could have been:


Chicks with ****s

Giant gaping holes

Gang raped teen 

Clit clamps bleeding

Woman being tortured 

Scat covered girl



We just don’t know so it’s hard to say.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> I agree it could have been that innocent.
> 
> But it also could have been:
> 
> ...


Yeah, that was one of my questions i had asked. Would the type of porn change peoples opinion (assuming legal)? Would your fiance watching standard guy on girl porn be viewed the same as if you caught him watching two dudes get it on... I would think the latter may cause a lot more issue.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Wolfman1968 said:


> Understand her devastation at his deceit so that she call off the marriage? Sure. I never had a problem with her calling off the marriage. She has the right to be selective about the kind of man she wants to marry.
> 
> Understand her calling him a "pervert" in front of (or to, if done by email, etc.) hundreds of people? No. *That still shows that she is a hateful, vindictive, evil individual.
> *
> ...


This says a lot more about you than it does about her. 

Yes, I would give a pass to the Catholic man who revealed why he was cancelling his engagement. 

I don't get why people are so up in arms over deceit being outed. That is one of the standard pieces of advice in infidelity. But, if they are not married and have not yet exchanged vows to love, cherish and honor then people are supposed to keep their yaps shut and protect the deceiver. Maybe if more people's masks were ripped off before marriage, there would be fewer divorces.

This is only causing an outcry because the guy is suspected of looking at porn and men's God given right to look at porn anywhere, any time and under any circumstance is being called into question. If he had been caught stealing from the boy scout troop, every one would be saying to out him.


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> I agree it could have been that innocent.
> 
> But it also could have been:
> 
> ...


True. 
Years of phraseology study and awareness suggest, "gaint gaping holes," could fit with those I mentioned as well.


----------



## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

He's the luckiest guy alive because he was going to have a lifetime of the most boring Vanilla Sex known to man.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> This says a lot more about you than it does about her.
> 
> Yes, I would give a pass to the Catholic man who revealed why he was cancelling his engagement.
> 
> ...


I don't think men have a God-given right to porn. But regardless of what the "expert" says, public outing is just tacky and vindictive. Just like setting your WS on fire, beating them up on the side of the road, and planting weed in their luggage (all things I have read on a "marriage support" site).

And like I said before, there is a difference between answering someone when they ask why and making a giant, public announcement.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

personofinterest said:


> Just like setting your WS on fire, beating them up on the side of the road, and planting weed in their luggage.


Wait, hold on a sec, are you saying to do all these things at once to the same person lol?


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

red oak said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > I agree it could have been that innocent.
> ...


What do you think this young bride seeing a woman whose ******* is being stretched out by having a baseball bat shoved into it would feel? You honestly think she would feel the same revulsion as if she just saw busty nude women? 

I’m just saying, we don’t know. Things are very disturbing to some people. Maybe most porn viewers are beyond thinking something like this is frightening, but to the pure mind it is absolutely terrifying.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

EllisRedding said:


> Wait, hold on a sec, are you saying to do all these things at once to the same person lol?


There are all things that were either laughed about and cheered on or actually ADVOCATED on a particular forum.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> What do you think this young bride seeing a woman whose ******* is being stretched out by having a baseball bat shoved into it would feel? You honestly think she would feel the same revulsion as if she just saw busty nude women?
> 
> I’m just saying, we don’t know. Things are very disturbing to some people. Maybe most porn viewers are beyond thinking something like this is frightening, but to the pure mind it is absolutely terrifying.


When I was 10, I spent the night with a friend for her birthday. It was a slumber party. We all went down to the rumpus room (basement). That was a 70's thing. There was a TV with a locked cabinet under it. After we watched some cartoons, one of the girls managed to get into the cabinet. It had a box (which must have been a cable box?). But there were also magazines. There were women with brooms shoved up them, all dressed in leather, women with more than one man inside her mouth, vagina, and backside, women with their breasts hooked and hanging from chains.....

I had nightmares.

And ,for added interest, my friend's mom later divorced her dad when it came to light he was seeing hookers AND raping his daughter (MY FRIEND).

sO YEAH....IF i WERE A DEVOUT mORMON GIRL, AND i SAW that....THERE WOULD BE NO WEDDING.

Sorry, I accidentally hit caps.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Talk2Me said:


> He's the luckiest guy alive because he was going to have a lifetime of the most boring Vanilla Sex known to man.


I'm actually skeptical that a little dweeb like him, that has to lie to get a woman like her, could ever score a date with anything better than his hand.

If he could do better, why was he lying to get this woman?

I do have doubts about porn boy's game.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> The bride is Mormon. If they were going to have their marriage sealed in the temple, she could get a divorce but would still have to petition the church to unseal the marriage before marrying in the temple, again. An act the church may or may not grant. Whereas, men are allowed to be sealed to more than one woman so the fiance wouldn't have had to petition the church (which I find curious as this should have been rewritten when they abolished polygamy).
> 
> If the church did not grant the unsealing, she would have to go through life knowing that she would be stuck with him for eternity. Maybe, now some people will understand her devastation at his deceit.




This is the key to understanding where she is coming from.

I grew up in the southwest and knew a lot of Mormons.....they don't treat women equally. A Mormon woman has to choose carefully because she may not get another chance.

She needs a man of high integrity and this one clearly wasn't it.

She'll find another guy in the church with better character, and her friends and family deserved to know what she was facing.

Her ex, otoh, is going to have to hide it and lie until he can rope another woman into marrying him because a devout Mormon woman won't go along with it.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Yeah, that was one of my questions i had asked. Would the type of porn change peoples opinion (assuming legal)? Would your fiance watching standard guy on girl porn be viewed the same as if you caught him watching *two dudes get it on*... I would think the latter may cause a lot more issue.



Yes 

And rightfully so!


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> I definitely think some of her reactions display an unhealthy emotional state.
> 
> I simply don't feel sorry for the dude. *I kinda think it's funny.*:grin2:


Did you really laugh? I don't know who I feel more sorry for in this situation: the guy who did something pretty natural, but then lied about it, or the girl who's too into her religion to see past her own nose. Either way, I think it's a sad situation, certainly not laughable.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I don’t ever expect to hear any of the folks defending her conduct, explicitly say: And yes, if it was the man, totally **** shaming her for a last minute reveal on partner count, we would be on TAM posting about how hurt and angry he was, and why his scorched earth approach was justified....





personofinterest said:


> I don't think men have a God-given right to porn. But regardless of what the "expert" says, public outing is just tacky and vindictive. Just like setting your WS on fire, beating them up on the side of the road, and planting weed in their luggage (all things I have read on a "marriage support" site).
> 
> And like I said before, there is a difference between answering someone when they ask why and making a giant, public announcement.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ursula said:


> Did you really laugh? I don't know who I feel more sorry for in this situation: the guy who did something pretty natural, but then lied about it, or the girl who's too into her religion to see past her own nose. Either way, I think it's a sad situation, certainly not laughable.


It is funny to me because this is an extremely strict religious group and this numbskull knew dang well he shouldn't have been looking at porn and definitely shouldn't have been lying about it to his potential bride.

This isn't mainstream and even if it was, I think it is funny when liars that are lying to manipulate someone into marrying them get outed, especially before the wedding.

He wasn't at all harmless in this. He was straight up trying to duped this woman and he deserved getting burnt.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

MEM2020 said:


> I don’t ever expect to hear any of the folks defending her conduct, explicitly say: And yes, if it was the man, totally **** shaming her for a last minute reveal on partner count, we would be on TAM posting about how hurt and angry he was, and why his scorched earth approach was justified....


LOL yeah right

I'd think he was a jerk too

Public humiliation is for the unhealthy, vindictive, or brainless cult followers


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> It is funny to me because this is an extremely strict religious group and this numbskull knew dang well he shouldn't have been looking at porn and definitely shouldn't have been lying about it to his potential bride.
> 
> This isn't mainstream and even if it was, I think it is funny when liars that are lying to manipulate someone into marrying them get outed, especially before the wedding.
> 
> He wasn't at all harmless in this. He was straight up trying to duped this woman and he deserved getting burnt.


Oh sorry, I think I must have missed an addition to the story somewhere down the line, as I don't log in during the weekends. I also missed which religious group she's a member of, which is probably in the sequel of the article. Can you confirm that for me? Just because I'm curious


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Ursula said:


> Oh sorry, I think I must have missed an addition to the story somewhere down the line, as I don't log in during the weekends. I also missed which religious group she's a member of, which is probably in the sequel of the article. Can you confirm that for me? Just because I'm curious


Apparently she is LDS.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ursula said:


> Oh sorry, I think I must have missed an addition to the story somewhere down the line, as I don't log in during the weekends. I also missed which religious group she's a member of, which is probably in the sequel of the article. Can you confirm that for me? Just because I'm curious


Honestly I can see folks having different feelings on this one and nothing wrong with it.

I simply loathe people who false their way in and dupe someone into marrying them under less than honest circumstances.

I get what folks are saying about her reaction and in mainstream, they might have more of an argument.

I still enjoy decievers getting outed before they pull one over on someone.


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Honestly I can see folks having different feelings on this one and nothing wrong with it.
> 
> *I simply loathe people who false their way in and dupe someone into marrying them under less than honest circumstances.*
> 
> ...


I couldn’t agree more to be honest, and I was one of those who was deceived. My now XH spun many tales about who he was and what kind of future he wanted while we were dating and engaged. A few months after marriage, not only did it all come crashing down on me, but he announced that he never said any of the things that he had in fact told me pre-marriage. Because he wasn’t able to remember/admit to anything, I was never able to get over some of the major things. So yeah I get what it’s like to be duped, then feel trapped.

What I don’t understand is why a natural thing to do with one’s body is so horrific, and why someone would feel the need to out someone the way she did. He could’ve chose to come clean and be honest about it, and if she still didn’t want to marry him, she could’ve chose to make that change privately.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Ursula said:


> What I don’t understand is why a natural thing to do with one’s body is so horrific, and why someone would feel the need to out someone the way she did. He could’ve chose to come clean and be honest about it, and if she still didn’t want to marry him, she could’ve chose to make that change privately.


She is a control freak, wants to control the narrative ...


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> She is a control freak, wants to control the narrative ...


She may have needed to out him in order not to be ostracized herself from her church.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> She may have needed to out him in order not to be ostracized herself from her church.


Take it up with the church, not the 300 guests ...


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ursula said:


> What I don’t understand is why *a natural thing to do with one’s body* is so horrific, and why someone would feel the need to out someone the way she did. He could’ve chose to come clean and be honest about it, and if she still didn’t want to marry him, she could’ve chose to make that change privately.


I don't think it was the MB'ing she freaked about. It was the porn.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> I don't know how many of you went to the link to her blog, but she has a serious penchant for melodrama. I pity her in the sense that she seems a bit self-absorbed and closed minded to her own detriment. I expect she will have a rough go of it finding her ideal suitor, especially now. I wonder why the thought of trying to help heal her fiance through his addiction never occurred to her? Seems like that would have been the Christian thing to do.


It’s also important to realize that this incident happened a year ago. 
As little as a few weeks ago Claire was posting these obviously posed,professionally taken pictures on Facebook. 
Would saying she has her ass in the air be a dreadful condemnation of this poor,misunderstood child of god. 
Or does she just miss the attention she got last year. And she needs the “likes” on her Facebook page.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Honestly I can see folks having different feelings on this one and nothing wrong with it.
> 
> I simply loathe people who false their way in and dupe someone into marrying them under less than honest circumstances.
> 
> ...


I agree. I know a lovely lady who was duped in this way by her ex husband lying about watching porn. Sadly she didn't find out he did this till shortly after the wedding. Like me she isn't interested in being with a man who uses porn and he knew that, it was very important to her. The trust was gone after that, he had married her under false pretences, and the marriage didn't last long not surprisingly.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ursula said:


> I couldn’t agree more to be honest, and I was one of those who was deceived. My now XH spun many tales about who he was and what kind of future he wanted while we were dating and engaged. A few months after marriage, not only did it all come crashing down on me, but he announced that he never said any of the things that he had in fact told me pre-marriage. Because he wasn’t able to remember/admit to anything, I was never able to get over some of the major things. So yeah I get what it’s like to be duped, then feel trapped.
> 
> What I don’t understand is why a natural thing to do with one’s body is so horrific, and why someone would feel the need to out someone the way she did. He could’ve chose to come clean and be honest about it, and if she still didn’t want to marry him, she could’ve chose to make that change privately.



How is porn a natural thing to do with ones body?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> Take it up with the church, not the 300 guests ...


If you are sure she went against her doctrine then sure.

She may have had to operate the way she did to avoid repercussions from her church and family.

Strict religious groups have different etiquette than mainstream folks.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> If you are sure she went against her doctrine then sure.
> 
> She may have had to operate the way she did to avoid repercussions from her church and family.
> 
> Strict religious groups have different etiquette than mainstream folks.


IDK, strict religious groups, taking fancy headshots and being active on social media, something doesn't seem to add up...


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> How is porn a natural thing to do with ones body?


Masturbating is; porn is not. I misunderstood, I'm sorry.

ETA, actually, I didn't misunderstand; I just chose my words wrong. I still think she's a kook.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> It’s also important to realize that this incident happened a year ago.
> As little as a few weeks ago Claire was posting these obviously posed,professionally taken pictures on Facebook.
> Would saying she has her ass in the air be a dreadful condemnation of this poor,misunderstood child of god.
> Or does she just miss the attention she got last year. And she needs the “likes” on her Facebook page.


That sheds light. No doctrinal need for what she is doing now.

She is messed up but I still don't feel sorry for the dweeb.

What kind of messed up dude is lying to score this woman anyway?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> IDK, strict religious groups, taking fancy headshots and being active on social media, something doesn't seem to add up...


It doesn't. Andy posted that she is still posting this a year later.

She is screwed up for sure but it still doesn't alter my opinion of the idiot that was lying to try and get her.

What the hell was he thinking?!?!??


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> It doesn't. Andy posted that she is still posting this a year later.
> 
> She is screwed up for sure but it still doesn't alter my opinion of the idiot that was lying to try and get her.
> 
> What the hell was he thinking?!?!??


Honestly, dude may have been head over heels for her, just never thought he would get caught. Maybe he thought he could handle whatever lack of sexuality she was bringing at the time, maybe he viewed porn as a release until they got married (IDK if they had pre marital sex). Needless to say, a lot of holes in the story which we are just trying to plug in, well, b/c its fun to do so lol


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> If you are sure she went against her doctrine then sure.
> 
> She may have had to operate the way she did to avoid repercussions from her church and family.
> 
> Strict religious groups have different etiquette than mainstream folks.


... especially LDS, whose doctrine is very slanted in favor of the men.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> That sheds light. No doctrinal need for what she is doing now.
> 
> She is messed up but I still don't feel sorry for the dweeb.
> 
> What kind of messed up dude is lying to score this woman anyway?


Weak guys lie all the time to try and get a date/sex/a life.
You must have known guys who would lie through their teeth to score with someone that they consider hot. I’ve known men to claim they were vegetarian or non drinkers/smokers because they were trying to impress a woman.
They look so pathetic when they’re found out.


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Oh, She meant no harm and forgives him ...

PR stunt or should I say attention seeking stunt.



> Note from the writer: This article is in no way, shape, or form intended to be used as a way to “man bash” or condemn my ex-fiance. In the past year of my life, I have felt complete forgiveness towards him and the decisions he made. I truly hope the best for him and wish him well. I share my story in hopes to reach a point of understanding and compassion for everyone who is going through, or who has gone through something similar. I know I am not the first woman in the world to be betrayed, therefore I feel a deep connection to all of my fellow sisters who have been hurt. This is to all of you who feel dreadfully alone…


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Weak guys lie all the time to try and get a date/sex/a life.
> You must have known guys who would lie through their teeth to score with someone that they consider hot. I’ve known men to claim they were vegetarian or non drinkers/smokers because they were trying to impress a woman.
> They look so pathetic when they’re found out.


True.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Interest,

Your theme relating to restraint, is what we here in MEM land call 'Spirit of the law' Christianity. Half the family is 'spirit of the law' and half is 'letter of the law'. My perception - as a friendly unbeliever who joins his wife in Church once a week so she doesn't have to go alone:
- Spirit of the law Christians in our large extended family are: More inclined towards seeking to understand, than singularly focused on being understood, more comfortable with the Matthew/Luke wedding feast conundrum. (In Luke, God is kinder and gentler. In Matthew - God is way more harsh.) 

- Letter of the law Christians in our large extended family are: Very certain they are living in the light of the word. Not so tolerant of people who are different. Increasingly adversarial towards science - especially science that contradicts the idea that people choose to be gay. 

This thread proves why the bible was written that way. Half the populace wants to burn your life down when you hurt their feelings and the other half is ok with the idea of doing you the minimum injury possible, without themselves being punished for your misdeed. 




personofinterest said:


> Apparently she is LDS.


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> This says a lot more about you than it does about her.
> 
> Yes, I would give a pass to the Catholic man who revealed why he was cancelling his engagement.
> 
> ...



This says a lot more about you than about any other posters. 

I have repeatedly compared this situation of a woman demanding a "no-porn" spouse with a man demanding a "low prior experience spouse." I have not in any of my posts actually defended or even addressed whether porn use is appropriate or inappropriate. Whether porn use is ok or not is irrelevant to my posting, since I have always maintained that she has the right to use any criteria she wishes to choose a spouse. Therefore, unless you have a magic ability to read people's minds and know their real intentions despite what they post, then it is much more appropriate to address what people say, rather put words in their mouth.


Or maybe you would think it would be just as appropriate to call out the women who berate the guy for wanting a low-prior experience spouse in a "bothered by my girlfriend's past" thread; that they ACTUALLY being defensive of their own pasts, and a "woman's God-given right to indulge in any sex acts, anywhere, any time and any circumstances with no consequences are being called into question." Personally, I think it is far better to take posters at their word rather than pretend I have a special ability to read their minds and discern their true motives.


And, for what it's worth, I DON'T think that what the bride in the OP did is analogous to outing a cheater. What the bride in the OP did is far more like a wronged spouse taking out a giant billboard, detailing the cheaters name and including inflammatory phrasing. (The OP bride called him a "pervert", not just a porn-user, apparently.)


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think her original reaction and her current behavior could be mutually exclusive.

For reasons related to her Mormon faith that have already been discussed she acted appropriately in cancelling the wedding. If more people discussed porn to see if their views are compatible before marriage they'd all be better off. 

She absolutely needed to share the reason with family, friends, and clergy as there could have been repercussions for her if he was allowed to create a false narrative.

Publically shaming him was over the top and posting a year later with professional pictures is ludicrous.

She doesn't need to be all right or all crazy. She may have absolutely been a victim at the time but now she's acting like a nut.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> What the hell was he thinking?!?!??


Honestly?

He was *probably* thinking how boring his sex life was going to be for the next 50 years, how lame and/or non-existent his sex life currently was since he'd started dating her, what it's going to be like being married to a woman who's constantly praying or quoting the Bible, what it's going to be like being with someone who probably sees sex only as a tool for procreation and is probably so repressed she feels guilty taking her clothes off to get into the shower. 

That's likely what he was thinking while he was watching "Romancing the Bone" and "Everybody Does Raymond." :rofl:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Honestly?
> 
> He was *probably* thinking how boring his sex life was going to be for the next 50 years, how lame and/or non-existent his sex life currently was since he'd started dating her, what it's going to be like being married to a woman who's constantly praying or quoting the Bible, what it's going to be like being with someone who probably sees sex only as a tool for procreation and is probably so repressed she feels guilty taking her clothes off to get into the shower.
> 
> That's likely what he was thinking while he was watching "Romancing the Bone" and "Everybody Does Raymond." :rofl:


Aside from praying and reading/quoting the Bible to each other, Mrs C and I do that and have a better than average sex life, he must be a pathetic little dweeb of a man to put so much effort into lying to manipulate a woman that is so undesirable.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Honestly?
> 
> He was *probably* thinking how boring his sex life was going to be for the next 50 years, how lame and/or non-existent his sex life currently was since he'd started dating her, what it's going to be like being married to a woman who's constantly praying or quoting the Bible, what it's going to be like being with someone who probably sees sex only as a tool for procreation and is probably so repressed she feels guilty taking her clothes off to get into the shower.
> 
> That's likely what he was thinking while he was watching "Romancing the Bone" and "Everybody Does Raymond." :rofl:


You are making assumptions about her with no proof whatsoever. 

People who don't have sex while they date, don't use porn, and have a strong faith don't act the way you describe. At all. Apart from praying which is how we chat to our Heavenly Dad.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> She'sStillGotIt said:
> 
> 
> > Honestly?
> ...


 Exactly. I was a Virgin when I married, and I was and still am highly sexual. Both my parents were virgins when they married, and they still have a good sex life. These kinds of assumptions say way more About the ignorance of the person making them


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Exactly. I was a Virgin when I married, and I was and still am highly sexual. Both my parents were virgins when they married, and they still have a good sex life. These kinds of assumptions say way more About the ignorance of the person making them


It could also be from past experience that someone might make an assumption. That's what I experienced with my XH. He was a virgin when we started dating, was fine with having sex pre-marriage once we were in a committed relationship, but after marriage, turned it off completely. He also was opposed to taking in information, or learning about anything to do with sex/being intimate with someone. I was a very unsuccessful "teacher" because of this, and also because of this, I would NEVER date or marry someone with zero or very little experience. Lack of sex and quality of the sex that was there is one of the things that took down our marriage. But that's just my 2 cents, and that doesn't mean that I'm gonna throw it around for all to use, but if a man were to tell me that he's a virgin, I would kindly let him know that I'm not interested.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Ursula said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > Exactly. I was a Virgin when I married, and I was and still am highly sexual. Both my parents were virgins when they married, and they still have a good sex life. These kinds of assumptions say way more About the ignorance of the person making them
> ...


Sorry, this on no way compares to someone who choose NOT to have sex prior to marriage. If your ex was fine with having sex before marriage, he already missed the Bible boat.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ursula said:


> It could also be from past experience that someone might make an assumption. That's what I experienced with my XH. He was a virgin when we started dating, was fine with having sex pre-marriage once we were in a committed relationship, but after marriage, turned it off completely. He also was opposed to taking in information, or learning about anything to do with sex/being intimate with someone. I was a very unsuccessful "teacher" because of this, and also because of this, I would NEVER date or marry someone with zero or very little experience. Lack of sex and quality of the sex that was there is one of the things that took down our marriage. But that's just my 2 cents, and that doesn't mean that I'm gonna throw it around for all to use, but if a man were to tell me that he's a virgin, I would kindly let him know that I'm not interested.


That has little to do with this thread where very wrong assumptions were being made about a woman who has strong moral values and has a strong faith. 
People not having sex before marriage has nothing to do with people in marriage not wanting sex. They wait because they know how important it is, and not because they don't like sex.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ursula said:


> It could also be from past experience that someone might make an assumption. That's what I experienced with my XH. He was a virgin when we started dating, was fine with having sex pre-marriage once we were in a committed relationship, but after marriage, turned it off completely. He also was opposed to taking in information, or learning about anything to do with sex/being intimate with someone. I was a very unsuccessful "teacher" because of this, and also because of this, I would NEVER date or marry someone with zero or very little experience. Lack of sex and quality of the sex that was there is one of the things that took down our marriage. But that's just my 2 cents, and that doesn't mean that I'm gonna throw it around for all to use, but if a man were to tell me that he's a virgin, I would kindly let him know that I'm not interested.


Even a 40 year old virgin???:grin2:


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Exactly. I was a Virgin when I married, and I was and still am highly sexual. Both my parents were virgins when they married, and they still have a good sex life. These kinds of assumptions say way more About the ignorance of the person making them


It's also true though that there is also a lot of shaming around sex in some Christianity. It can cause people to be very repressed. But the same could be said about ones feelings about ones body and that probably has nothing to do with religion.

I think any thinking done to the extreme is a red flag.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

sokillme said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > Exactly. I was a Virgin when I married, and I was and still am highly sexual. Both my parents were virgins when they married, and they still have a good sex life. These kinds of assumptions say way more About the ignorance of the person making them
> ...


Oh heavens yes. Like the "side hug only" people and the Christian colleges that have rules about how far apart people must sit. I think anytime legalism gets a foothold, it's BAD


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Ursula said:


> It could also be from past experience that someone might make an assumption. That's what I experienced with my XH. He was a virgin when we started dating, was fine with having sex pre-marriage once we were in a committed relationship, but after marriage, turned it off completely. He also was opposed to taking in information, or learning about anything to do with sex/being intimate with someone. I was a very unsuccessful "teacher" because of this, and also because of this, I would NEVER date or marry someone with zero or very little experience. Lack of sex and quality of the sex that was there is one of the things that took down our marriage. But that's just my 2 cents, and that doesn't mean that I'm gonna throw it around for all to use, but if a man were to tell me that he's a virgin, I would kindly let him know that I'm not interested.


If I was asked to give someone one piece of advice before they got married it would be not to marry a virgin.Male or female.Especially if the person asking was looking forward to a regular sex life. 
Expecting someone who has never had sex to suddenly become HD is a foolish endeavor. 
I would go even further and say that anyone who has reached their twenties without having sex would be suspect in my mind.
It isn’t a topic of conversation I would have too often, but of the few people that I know who claimed to be virgins on their wedding night ALL of them have divorced their first spouse. 
All of them.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Ursula said:
> 
> 
> > It could also be from past experience that someone might make an assumption. That's what I experienced with my XH. He was a virgin when we started dating, was fine with having sex pre-marriage once we were in a committed relationship, but after marriage, turned it off completely. He also was opposed to taking in information, or learning about anything to do with sex/being intimate with someone. I was a very unsuccessful "teacher" because of this, and also because of this, I would NEVER date or marry someone with zero or very little experience. Lack of sex and quality of the sex that was there is one of the things that took down our marriage. But that's just my 2 cents, and that doesn't mean that I'm gonna throw it around for all to use, but if a man were to tell me that he's a virgin, I would kindly let him know that I'm not interested.
> ...


I think it depends. For me, I was like the deag racer revving the engine, waiting for that green light, lol. My desire, drive, and plain old curiosity was through the roof. With former boyfriends, I had to talk myself down internally.

For ex, however, what I thought was extreme gentlemanlyness was just....meh, who cares.

And of course, making sure you DON'T marry a virgin means you can't have that whiny retroactive jealousy.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> I think it depends. For me, I was like the deag racer revving the engine, waiting for that green light, lol. My desire, drive, and plain old curiosity was through the roof. With former boyfriends, I had to talk myself down internally.
> 
> For ex, however, what I thought was extreme gentlemanlyness was just....meh, who cares.
> 
> And of course, making sure you DON'T marry a virgin means you can't have that whiny retroactive jealousy.


You just didn’t meet the right man lol.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> You just didn’t meet the right man lol.


That's a pretty insulting thing to say. The notion that someone's values aren't real because ... well NO STUD! Blech.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> And of course, making sure you DON'T marry a virgin means you can't have that whiny retroactive jealousy.


How does this work? You think people won't be retroactively jealous if they have had a lot of sex in the past. I don't think it has anything to do with different levels or experience and everything to do with fear.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> That's a pretty insulting thing to say. The notion that someone's values aren't real because ... well NO STUD! Blech.


Coming from you this is hysterical. 
And did you fail to notice the “lol” at the end of the comment?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> Andy1001 said:
> 
> 
> > You just didn’t meet the right man lol.
> ...


Not really....

I am a normal and sexual woman. An asexual or possibly (probably) gay man who hid that fact due to pressure to get married from his profession....yeah, he WAS the wrong man.

It has nothing to do with being a stud.

I may be an inferior, annoying, b****, but no, I DIDN'T deserve 2 decades of lonely misery.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Not really....
> 
> I am a normal and sexual woman. An asexual or possibly (probably) gay man who hid that fact due to pressure to get married from his profession....yeah, he WAS the wrong man.
> 
> ...


I don’t think your inferior or annoying or a *****. 
And nobody deserves years of loneliness.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

"I don’t think your inferior or annoying or a *****. "

Today you would be in the minority.

I really MUST stick to IRL people who know all of me.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> "I don’t think your inferior or annoying or a *****. "
> 
> Today you would be in the minority.
> 
> I really MUST stick to IRL people who know all of me.


When it comes to *****es I’ve met some who could have competed at an Olympic level if it were a sport.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> If I was asked to give someone one piece of advice before they got married it would be not to marry a virgin.Male or female.Especially if the person asking was looking forward to a regular sex life.
> Expecting someone who has never had sex to suddenly become HD is a foolish endeavor.
> I would go even further and say that anyone who has reached their twenties without having sex would be suspect in my mind.
> It isn’t a topic of conversation I would have too often, but of the few people that I know who claimed to be virgins on their wedding night ALL of them have divorced their first spouse.
> All of them.


I think there is just a lot of misinformation and a lack of understanding regarding this subject.

I know several who married as virgins and are still married today with thriving marriages and families.

Knowledge is the problem, not partner count.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> If I was asked to give someone one piece of advice before they got married it would be not to marry a virgin.Male or female.Especially if the person asking was looking forward to a regular sex life.
> Expecting someone who has never had sex to suddenly become HD is a foolish endeavor.
> I would go even further and say that anyone who has reached their twenties without having sex would be suspect in my mind.
> It isn’t a topic of conversation I would have too often, but of the few people that I know who claimed to be virgins on their wedding night ALL of them have divorced their first spouse.
> All of them.


Gotta' disagree, if not with the bottom line advice, at least with the rationale behind it. Just because someone hasn't had sex yet DOES NOT mean they aren't HD. Theres no shortage of people who waited that ended up being total sex maniacs with their spouses. Nor would such a person be "suspect." Self control and the desire to share that aspect of ones self with one and one only are admirable traits (for some).


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> Calling it off was the best thing for both of them I believe...



unless we know what those "devastating" three words were, it is hard to discuss. 
It might have been Big Beautiful Women....and she is totally over-reacting. :grin2:

Sounds like they were NOT a good match though. The marriage would have blown up over something else eventually.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Coming from you this is hysterical.
> And did you fail to notice the “lol” at the end of the comment?


Sorry. I guess I did fail to see the lol. Sorry. Not sure why you think I don't respect people's values.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> Not really....
> 
> I am a normal and sexual woman. An asexual or possibly (probably) gay man who hid that fact due to pressure to get married from his profession....yeah, he WAS the wrong man.
> 
> ...


I misunderstood the exchange. My apologies to your both.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Sorry, this on no way compares to someone who choose NOT to have sex prior to marriage. If your ex was fine with having sex before marriage, he already missed the Bible boat.


Oh for sure he did. He told me pre-marriage that he was spiritual but not religious (like myself), but that changed to atheist and a believer in science only after marriage. So yes, he's in a different boat completely. It was just an example of choice, I guess.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> That has little to do with this thread where very wrong assumptions were being made about a woman who has strong moral values and has a strong faith.
> People not having sex before marriage has nothing to do with people in marriage not wanting sex. They wait because they know how important it is, and not because they don't like sex.


Yeah, I get that, and have a certain level of respect for them.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Even a 40 year old virgin???:grin2:


Close, he was 42 when he lost his virginity.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> That has little to do with this thread where very wrong assumptions were being made about a woman who has strong moral values and has a strong faith.
> People not having sex before marriage has nothing to do with people in marriage not wanting sex. They wait because they know how important it is, and not because they don't like sex.


Both "kinds" of people exist. You don't necessarily get to know which in advance. Sucky though as those who have dealt with it would testify.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ursula said:


> Close, he was 42 when he lost his virginity.


You found a unicorn!:grin2:


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> You found a unicorn!:grin2:


Are you sure it wasn’t a eunuch.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> Are you sure it wasn’t a eunuch.


I think he was more of a unicorn; I didn't know until him that people actually waited so long to do the deed. I do however, feel some sympathy towards his current girlfriend. Hopefully he's learned to be upfront from the get-go, and not string us ladies along.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

sokillme said:


> It's also true though that there is also a lot of shaming around sex in some Christianity. It can cause people to be very repressed. But the same could be said about ones feelings about ones body and that probably has nothing to do with religion.
> 
> I think any thinking done to the extreme is a red flag.


I cant say I have ever noticed that shaming you describe. Yes it is taught what is right and what is wrong, but thats not shaming.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ursula said:


> Oh for sure he did. He told me pre-marriage that he was spiritual but not religious (like myself), but that changed to atheist and a believer in science only after marriage. So yes, he's in a different boat completely. It was just an example of choice, I guess.


I always think its odd that people think that science and faith are not compatible. My husband is a scientist and strong Christian. Many others are as well.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I always think its odd that people think that science and faith are not compatible. My husband is a scientist and strong Christian. Many others are as well.


Yeah, a lot of things kind of go hand in hand. He said after marriage that he only believed in things that could be proved by science. That the bible was just a neat story, but that because no one could prove it to be true, that it wasn't real, and he would keep believing that until scientific proof became available regarding the bible. He was a unique one, that's for sure!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I cant say I have ever noticed that shaming you describe. Yes it is taught what is right and what is wrong, but thats not shaming.


I'm not surprised you didn't.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ursula said:


> Yeah, a lot of things kind of go hand in hand. He said after marriage that he only believed in things that could be proved by science. That the bible was just a neat story, but that because no one could prove it to be true, that it wasn't real, and he would keep believing that until scientific proof became available regarding the bible. He was a unique one, that's for sure!


The Bible has been and never will be proven as true, and Christian's should know it's meant to be that way. The whole belief system is built of faith. Faith is the mechanism for salvation, so if it could be proven to be true you would lose the whole foundation, basically the cornerstone that you need do get your salvation. Why do you need faith if it's proven to be true. 

Christians who try to prove the Bible to be true are very misguided and don't even understand their faith.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> *Public humiliation * is for the unhealthy, vindictive, or brainless cult followers



It’s also a pretty hot category on pornhub. I was told 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> And of course, making sure you DON'T marry a virgin means you can't have that whiny retroactive jealousy.



I think you can...I married my wife who wasn’t a virgin. ‘Cos she lost her virginity to me about 8 years before our wedding (as did I, to her).
I still can’t get over that horny bastard who took advantage of her sexually back then. Also probably had a bigger piece of equipment than me...whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! 

Sad thing thing though: probably still will have to go to hell. Maybe not so sad: I heard that only *cool* people go to *hot* places 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Gotta' disagree, if not with the bottom line advice, at least with the rationale behind it. Just because someone hasn't had sex yet DOES NOT mean they aren't HD. Theres no shortage of people who waited that ended up being total sex maniacs with their spouses. Nor would such a person be "suspect." Self control and the desire to share that aspect of ones self with one and one only are admirable traits (for some).



Timing is everything though. If you meet someone at 15/16 and are virgins (as we did, when her cute little breasts just popped out a week before or whatever) then it is not out of the question that we won’t become HD as time goes on...If you meet virgins after 20, then the chances that they are HD are probably smaller. 

I think nowadays it is impractical and bit risky to wait till The Party, invite all the guests, promise each other **** in front of said guests only to find out later that there’s just no sexual chemistry on the wedding night.

While at the same time, sex should still be (IMO) something very special, best enjoyed and shared when at least in a committed relationship. Balance people, balance.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Ursula said:


> Oh for sure he did. He told me pre-marriage that he was spiritual but not religious (like myself), but that changed to atheist and a believer in science only after marriage. So yes, he's in a different boat completely. It was just an example of choice, I guess.




A ‘believer in science’....And I thought I have heard it all 
I wonder what kind of science requires faith? 


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

"If you meet virgins after 20, then the chances that they are HD are probably smaller. "

Lol....virgin who married at 26 here


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> "If you meet virgins after 20, then the chances that they are HD are probably smaller. "
> 
> Lol....virgin who married at 26 here



Maybe it’s the time difference between Europe and US? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

InMyPrime said:


> Timing is everything though. If you meet someone at 15/16 and are virgins (as we did, when her cute little breasts just popped out a week before or whatever) then it is not out of the question that we won’t become HD as time goes on...If you meet virgins after 20, then the chances that they are HD are probably smaller.
> 
> I think nowadays it is impractical and bit risky to wait till The Party, invite all the guests, promise each other **** in front of said guests only to find out later that there’s just no sexual chemistry on the wedding night.
> 
> ...


Still disagree to an extent. 16 or 20 makes no difference if the person is acting in accordance with principles or beliefs. 

That said, I'm not denying the associated risk. There is reason for taking a good, thorough test drive before buying the car. That whole "If you really love each other, everything will work out" thing us a romantic notion that often dissolves in the face of real life.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Still disagree to an extent. 16 or 20 makes no difference if the person is acting in accordance with principles or beliefs.



I’m talking about probabilities, you are talking about absolutes: of course it’s not unheard of to act in accordance with one’s beliefs in the face of nature, but it’s harder to do so when you are raging with hormones. Therefore it stands to reason that a not insignificant %age of people who managed to suppress their natural sexual urges perhaps found it easier to do so and maybe weren’t as hormonally rageaey as the others, who didn’t manage to keep their virginity. Doesn’t mean there aren’t any people who stayed ‘in control’. Or others, who get married prematurely...Or avoid the ‘no sex’ technicality by using additional orifices...

Many other things come into play too, not just personal beliefs.



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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

InMyPrime said:


> I’m talking about probabilities, you are talking about absolutes: of course it’s not unheard of to act in accordance with one’s beliefs in the face of nature, but it’s harder to do so when you are raging with hormones. Therefore it stands to reason that a not insignificant %age of people who managed to suppress their natural sexual urges perhaps found it easier to do so and maybe weren’t as hormonally rageaey as the others, who didn’t manage to keep their virginity. Doesn’t mean there aren’t any people who stayed ‘in control’. Or others, who get married prematurely...Or avoid the ‘no sex’ technicality by using additional orifices...
> 
> Many other things come into play too, not just personal beliefs.
> 
> ...


I understand you're addressing probabilities. I dont think they change as much as you think they do. After all, if you can adhere to your principles from 15 to 18, you've already demonstrated your ability and commitment, so it stands to reason you can do it from 18-21 or whenever. 

....as has been expressed by folks on this thread.

I just dont see a big connection between being LD and waiting for a life partner. 

Conversely, there's no shortage of folks who gave it up young and then proved to be duds once married.

Me... not experienced before meeting my wife. I'm also massively HD. Her... experienced before meeting me, and definitely on the LD side. 

Just one data point I know and I'm certainly not extrapolating a broad conclusion from it. But knowing that, and given the testimony of others here, I'm confident the connection is not nearly so strong as you assume. Nowadays almost everyone has sex young, even LDs, so it may actually be _more_ likely that someone who is a virgin at 20 is so because of convictions than because of being LD.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

InMyPrime said:


> Sad thing thing though: probably still will have to go to hell. Maybe not so sad: I heard that only *cool* people go to *hot* places
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I'll save y'all a seat.:grin2:


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Gotta' disagree, if not with the bottom line advice, at least with the rationale behind it. Just because someone hasn't had sex yet DOES NOT mean they aren't HD. Theres no shortage of people who waited that ended up being total sex maniacs with their spouses. Nor would such a person be "suspect." Self control and the desire to share that aspect of ones self with one and one only are admirable traits (for some).


Absolutely, most who wait for marriage don't do so because they don't like sex, most wait because they know that its important. 
I love a man with self control and the ability to go against the flow. 
We also know from countless posts here that having lots of sex before marriage often doesn't lead to having a partner with HD.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

InMyPrime said:


> Maybe it’s the time difference between Europe and US?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


There’s a time difference between parts of the UK and the USA all right. 
About five hours. 
And fifty ****in years.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> A ‘believer in science’....And I thought I have heard it all
> I wonder what kind of science requires faith?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


A lot of science requires faith that the model would have really worked on a macro level billions of years ago, and for billions of years until any particular species evolved from another.

They have yet to find millions of transition species between the bird and reptile, for example. Where are they??? There should be billions of years of carcases buried here and there, at various stages of transition.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Araucaria said:


> A lot of science requires faith that the model would have really worked on a macro level billions of years ago, and for billions of years until any particular species evolved from another.
> 
> They have yet to find millions of transition species between the bird and reptile, for example. Where are they??? There should be billions of years of carcases buried here and there, at various stages of transition.



Science seems to be self-correcting/evolving. If new facts come to light and our understanding improves, so does the picture of the world. I don’t see how faith comes into it as nothing is written in stone. And for me personally, if tomorrow God shows up, i will change my mind too...

Wrt evolution, there’s little doubt or need to ‘have faith’ of how life evolved. Some transitional species may be missing from the fossil record but that doesn’t mean that evolution is an invalid concept. It’s just hard to become fossilised plus the earth stuff moves around over thousands of years so there’s no surprise there that it’s difficult to find every single transition.




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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Regarding science, I will definitely say this… anyone who teaches their children that the Earth is 6000 years old and totally excludes the theory of evolution is not qualified to teach their own children.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> Regarding science, I will definitely say this… anyone who teaches their children that the Earth is 6000 years old and totally excludes the theory of evolution is not qualified to teach their own children.


Boo.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

As to the OP, he shouldn’t have lied to her. She did overreact, though. Calling off the wedding was a blessing to both of them.

The Big Guy watceverything, and that includes porn.


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