# Husband's Lies are Killing Our Marriage



## Tiantia (Sep 20, 2012)

M and I have been married for over 22 years and for the most part, it has been a happy union. He has always in the past leaned toward embellishing the truth or had a habit of telling "white" lies. In the past few years, the deceit is getting worse. In fact he will just come out with a bold faced lie even without me having to ask any questions. These lies are ruining the trust I have for him and destroying our relationship. At one time, I would just shrug it off and make excuses for him even though I knew he was lying. Now I find myself spying on him because no matter what he says to me, I simply cannot believe him. He is now feeling the mistrust I have because I now question him and of course in me doing so, I will take him to task on things and as expected the story changes. One day I was reviewing my investments and noticed funds were missing in a number of areas. When I brought it to his attention, he denied everything so I told him then I would have to contact the bank because my investments had obviously been compromised. He immediately stopped denying that he had dipped into my money. What he did with the money, I have no idea but to ensure it never happened again, I had to change my password. I am tired of the lies, the deceit and sneaking around. I do not suspect he is unfaithful but I am on the verge of packing this marriage in. Any advice would be greatly appreciated so I know which direction to go but I feel something needs to be done now before I reach the point of no return.


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## TheCrunch (Sep 3, 2012)

Is there any particular pattern to his lying or does he just lie about random things at random times.

I would be worried about what he did with the money he stole from you account and I can well understand that all this deceit this is causing you to think about ending the marriage. I am wondering if your H aware how much his lying is affecting you.

The article below is about different types of compulsive lying.

The Honest Truth About Liars


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Good article above about liars. He needs professional help so I would suggest that first before leaving a 22 yr. marriage.


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## Tiantia (Sep 20, 2012)

TheCrunch said:


> Is there any particular pattern to his lying or does he just lie about random things at random times.
> 
> I would be worried about what he did with the money he stole from you account and I can well understand that all this deceit this is causing you to think about ending the marriage. I am wondering if your H aware how much his lying is affecting you.
> 
> ...


Oh, he just lies for the sake of lying. There is no pattern, the lies are random and will come right out of the blue for no reason. I read the article you suggested and a lot of the characteristics apply to my husband. I truly believe he is a compulsive liar (that is horrible for a wife to think of her husband, I feel bad). He will have discussion with friends and then they will come to me and question me about things he said. I don't protect him, I tell them the truth. There have been times when the lies he has told were so outlandish, I would stand with my mouth open in shock. He has said things about me, behind my back which have come back to me which have been either a full fledged lie or a half truth. I am at my wit's end with the deceit. Something needs to be done.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Tiantia said:


> Oh, he just lies for the sake of lying. There is no pattern, the lies are random and will come right out of the blue for no reason. I read the article you suggested and a lot of the characteristics apply to my husband. I truly believe he is a compulsive liar (that is horrible for a wife to think of her husband, I feel bad). He will have discussion with friends and then they will come to me and question me about things he said. I don't protect him, I tell them the truth. There have been times when the lies he has told were so outlandish, I would stand with my mouth open in shock.* He has said things about me, behind my back which have come back to me which have been either a full fledged lie or a half truth*. I am at my wit's end with the deceit. Something needs to be done.



Hell. No.

I abhor liars. My ex husband was/is a pathelogical liar so I totally understand how you feel.


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## Tiantia (Sep 20, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> Hell. No.
> 
> I abhor liars. My ex husband was/is a pathelogical liar so I totally understand how you feel.


You have my sympathies for what you had to go through, it is a horrible existance. It's horrible to believe nothing that comes out of your husband's mouth. It is horrible to hear the lies when you know the truth... lies he voluntarily verbalizes without the need to lie. I think hubby and I need to have a serious talk about his problem or he will end up being an "exhusband" too. Thank you for your post... I don't feel so alone now.


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## TheCrunch (Sep 3, 2012)

Tiantia said:


> Oh, he just lies for the sake of lying. There is no pattern, the lies are random and will come right out of the blue for no reason. I read the article you suggested and a lot of the characteristics apply to my husband. I truly believe he is a compulsive liar (that is horrible for a wife to think of her husband, I feel bad). He will have discussion with friends and then they will come to me and question me about things he said. I don't protect him, I tell them the truth. There have been times when the lies he has told were so outlandish, I would stand with my mouth open in shock. He has said things about me, behind my back which have come back to me which have been either a full fledged lie or a half truth. I am at my wit's end with the deceit. Something needs to be done.


Please don't feel bad. And I admire that you don't protect him when he lies, as this would amount to enabling him. It must take a lot of courage on your part to stand firm and tell it like it is despite the huge embarrassment and hurt it must cause you.

Stay strong and hope your talk with your H yields results and that he/both of you can maybe get some counselling.


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## my_marriage_troubles (Sep 21, 2012)

Tiantia said:


> M and I have been married for over 22 years and for the most part, it has been a happy union. He has always in the past leaned toward embellishing the truth or had a habit of telling "white" lies. In the past few years, the deceit is getting worse. In fact he will just come out with a bold faced lie even without me having to ask any questions. These lies are ruining the trust I have for him and destroying our relationship. At one time, I would just shrug it off and make excuses for him even though I knew he was lying. Now I find myself spying on him because no matter what he says to me, I simply cannot believe him. He is now feeling the mistrust I have because I now question him and of course in me doing so, I will take him to task on things and as expected the story changes. One day I was reviewing my investments and noticed funds were missing in a number of areas. When I brought it to his attention, he denied everything so I told him then I would have to contact the bank because my investments had obviously been compromised. He immediately stopped denying that he had dipped into my money. What he did with the money, I have no idea but to ensure it never happened again, I had to change my password. I am tired of the lies, the deceit and sneaking around. I do not suspect he is unfaithful but I am on the verge of packing this marriage in. Any advice would be greatly appreciated so I know which direction to go but I feel something needs to be done now before I reach the point of no return.


the best choice is to leave him.... just let him kno that hes a pathelogical lier and that u had enough and bye.lolz jus obviously hes not gonna change. so its better to move on... good luck,, smile. kus now u kno to catch sum one in there lies. and its best to kut them off.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Tiantia said:


> M and I have been married for over 22 years and for the most part, it has been a happy union. He has always in the past leaned toward embellishing the truth or had a habit of telling "white" lies. In the past few years, the deceit is getting worse. In fact he will just come out with a bold faced lie even without me having to ask any questions. These lies are ruining the trust I have for him and destroying our relationship. At one time, I would just shrug it off and make excuses for him even though I knew he was lying. Now I find myself spying on him because no matter what he says to me, I simply cannot believe him. He is now feeling the mistrust I have because I now question him and of course in me doing so, I will take him to task on things and as expected the story changes. One day I was reviewing my investments and noticed funds were missing in a number of areas. When I brought it to his attention, he denied everything so I told him then I would have to contact the bank because my investments had obviously been compromised. He immediately stopped denying that he had dipped into my money. What he did with the money, I have no idea but to ensure it never happened again, I had to change my password. I am tired of the lies, the deceit and sneaking around. *I do not suspect he is unfaithful but I am on the verge of packing this marriage in. *Any advice would be greatly appreciated so I know which direction to go but I feel something needs to be done now before I reach the point of no return.


Unfaithfulness is not just about having an affair. Rather it’s about disloyalty. So when your H stole your money he was being unfaithful, disloyal to you.

It’s the betrayal, in whatever form it comes (an affair, stealing money, bad mouthing you behind your back etc.) that does the damage.

In essence your husband isn’t the picture he paints himself to be. If he was he’d have WATCH OUT I’M A THIEF stamped on his forehead for example.

Through his deceits and lies he has actually deluded you. What you thought was reality was actually fiction. To be deluded is actually a mental illness, that’s why you think you are the one going crazy. It does your head in most especially when you’ve caught them in a deceit and instead of “owning up” they respond by telling more lies, go into denial, stonewall and scapegoat.

But which type of liar is your H, pathological, compulsive or habitual? And can you turn a liar into a straightforward, honest and open person? Lying is like a coping mechanism for some, it’s how they get through life and have done so since a very young age, probably about four years old with parents who thought their lies “amusing” or something. Or maybe they had a parent they just had to hide their truths from.



Boundaries are the thing, a read of http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hold-Your-N...4400/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1346613764&sr=8-3 may help you establish some healthy ones. Also you will be a codependent because you have stayed with your husband even in the face of his abuse and betrayal of his lies so a read of http://www.amazon.co.uk/Codependent...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1348216092&sr=1-1 will be of great help to you.


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