# Question for the men



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Do you think it's okay for your wife/SO to look up and down at a man? Is it okay if they have mental thoughts of sleeping with them or wonder how good they would be in bed even though they have no intentions of doing do? Would it be okay for your wives/SO to stare at their packages through magazines even though its meaningless?

I'm just very curious. Would this bother you? Thanks.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

My wife is married, not dead. If she sees somebody she finds attractive, big woop. I'll tell her when I find a woman attractive, and she'll mention when she finds a man attractive. We talk about it together sometimes. 

I'm very open with my wife. I've told her that I have a rich fantasy life that includes her and sometimes other people. Most of the women in my fantasies though are totally made up. My wife says she never fantasizes about other men. I didn't believe her. I told her it would be perfectly natural for those thoughts to cross her mind. She say it's not that she actively tries not to, but I am the focus of her sexual fantasies. I respect that, and eventually let it go. But she's well aware of when a man looks good to her (I know this for a fact because she once checked me out not knowing it was me intially), and if she decided to incorporate fantasy into her life involving other people I would give her the same consideration, and understanding, she affords me.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Not at all...

If anything, it would assure me she actually has a drive and that I don't have to worry yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Do you think it's okay for your wife/SO to look up and down at a man?


No, I'm not good with this, particularly in my presence.



> Is it okay if they have mental thoughts of sleeping with them or wonder how good they would be in bed even though they have no intentions of doing do? Would it be okay for your wives/SO to stare at their packages through magazines even though its meaningless?
> .


This doesn't bug me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I think it's ok for women to be women. I don't need 50 pairs of shoes and I don't need my friends to go to the restroom with me. I don't need to share my every life experience with my best friend. I don't feel the need to freak out over the sight of insects and rodents. My wife does all of these and that's perfectly fine with me. If I had wanted a relationship with a man, I would have hooked up with one. My wife notices attractive men but she goes home with me. I notice attractive women but she's the one I've picked out of all of them.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Do you think it's okay for your wife/SO to look up and down at a man? Is it okay if they have mental thoughts of sleeping with them or wonder how good they would be in bed even though they have no intentions of doing do? Would it be okay for your wives/SO to stare at their packages through magazines even though its meaningless?
> 
> I'm just very curious. Would this bother you? Thanks.


So long as you're not disrespecting him in the process most guys don't mind a bit. Al least I don't mind at all. I'm not too much on the thought police. Now intentionally letting a guy know that you're checking him out or you knowing a guy is checking you out and flirting would be a big problem for me.

Magazines, TV shows, etc, are fair game.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

jaquen said:


> My wife is married, not dead. If she sees somebody she finds attractive, big woop. I'll tell her when I find a woman attractive, and she'll mention when she finds a man attractive. We talk about it together sometimes.
> 
> I'm very open with my wife. I've told her that I have a rich fantasy life that includes her and sometimes other people. Most of the women in my fantasies though are totally made up. My wife says she never fantasizes about other men. I didn't believe her. I told her it would be perfectly natural for those thoughts to cross her mind. She say it's not that she actively tries not to, but I am the focus of her sexual fantasies. I respect that, and eventually let it go. But she's well aware of when a man looks good to her (I know this for a fact because she once checked me out not knowing it was me intially), and if she decided to incorporate fantasy into her life involving other people I would give her the same consideration, and understanding, she affords me.


:iagree:
When there's respect for each other and both partners have self esteem, it's normal to be open about who's hot or not.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

While being married, it didn't really seem to bother me if STBXW ogled other men, just like it didn't seem to bother her if I gazed at some provocatively dressed woman out in public.

I usually just stared, smiled, shook my head, and then just let it go, not wanting my actions to spur any insecurities on her part!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I would be hurt, but I'm a jealous insecure person. It is normal to be attracted to other people. You can't keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I'm just very curious. Would this bother you? Thanks.


Nope..


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Do you think it's okay for your wife/SO to look up and down at a man? Is it okay if they have mental thoughts of sleeping with them or wonder how good they would be in bed even though they have no intentions of doing do? Would it be okay for your wives/SO to stare at their packages through magazines even though its meaningless?
> 
> I'm just very curious. Would this bother you? Thanks.


 I should allow my husband to answer this...maybe he'll get on here (probaby not)... we've talked about this...cause I genuinely wouldn't want to hurt him or make him feel bad. ...

He's never been insecure over something like this...if I see a hottie that looks like







...I may even turn around and do a double take...the whole up & down...did that once on a Walking trail..one of our romantic Vacations even..... this young guy ..darn was that Axl Rose 20 yrs ago...had the bandana , the holes in his jeans, the long blonde hair...all he needed was a guitar! 

Oh MY oh MY oh My....he walked past with a girl...I turned around & acted like I was going back to take another shot of the Falls... Husband says to me laughing......"I know what you were looking at"... then he added he was checking out the GF...(all's fair !)..... being together 31 yrs...he knows what trips my triggers ..I seem to have some fetish with younger men & long hair... here I am old enough to be their Mother! 

So I just grab his butt, squeeze him tight , look him in the eyes & tell him he's the only man for me... he calls me a "dirty old woman" shaking his head smiling all the while....happy the rest of the day...it's nothing... .. the way I treat him day in day out... how tied to each other we are.....he knows only HE holds my . 

Chances are I would abhor the lifestyle of any of these guys I think are ... 

And he is the same...checking out a beautiful smokin Playboy bunny looking Brunette.. I'm not bothered either.... Just shows he still has a sexual pulse....when he no longer looks in passing... in my view, he needs TEST treatment...to kick it back in gear. 

He's told me...so long as HE gets all the goods, he isn't worried what goes through my mind.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

I would be worried if she didn't. I want to be married to a flesh and blood woman, not some sexually inert Stepford Wife-type.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Thank you for all your replies. I was just very curious how others thought of this.

I have no idea how my husband feels about this, I never asked. I don't intend to either. I really don't look at other men. I do stare at my husband and think to myself how lucky I really am. I think my husband is very sexy and very good looking.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I think a every marriage should create a list of absolutes...things that are absolutely deal-breakers and is harmful to the marriage and agreed to abstain. If a couple seems it acceptable to check others out then, hey. My concern is for marriages that don't quite have solid, attached relationships with clear boundaries; they can be easy prey to drifting thoughts of greener grass elsewhere. My belief is that you invest in what you value most.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> *I do stare at my husband and think to myself how lucky I really am. I think my husband is very sexy and very good looking*.


Just want to add here.... and this part is very important for all of us...that our spouses FEEL that from us..in our touch, words...expression.

Just cause some of us LOOK doesn't mean we don't feel this way- just as you described I'mInLoveWithMyHubby ... I know I do...and very much so....I lay my head down every night feeling overwhelmingly blessed. 

When we are out together.... if we are separated, or I see him just a little distance away.... I will be checking my own husband out ! ....and I think to myself...."oh yeah...so happy he is mine... & we're going home together to make some sweet music".... 

I give him the up & down too... then I tell him later I was doing that....I know how much he loves to hear it.. and I really mean it too!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

tacoma said:


> No, I'm not good with this, particularly in my presence.


:iagree:

Not in my presence because I won't do it in her presence.

I think its disrespectful to the other person if one partner ogles or stares at the opposite sex in a that manner, whilst in the company of their SO.
When I'm in the company of my wife she is the centre of my attention. No other woman can get my attention.
When she's in my company I expect the same from her.

When we're apart she / me can look all we want.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Caribbean Man said:


> *When we're apart she / me can look all we want*.


Awe CB...you probably think I am a disrespectful wife then... we don't gawk, stare, we just notice...(accept for that example I gave, I can't even think of another).... and we're able to admit this...talk about it freely/ openly .... 

Really....Me & mine don't get out too much alone without the other... we prefer it this way.... 

I know your wife takes vacations every year with her friends/ family ... you have your space apart, could be a week at a time and likely more of a social life out & about.....like most couples do... We are homebody-ish in comparison. 

Heck, we've even enjoyed going to the Gentleman's Club together (nice name for higher class strip club)...I guess I'm pretty lenient! .... I'd sit back & watch him putting $1's in his favorite's belt...I've never questioned how he felt about me... It's hard to explain. Most women would think I am MAD. 

I don't regret this little phase in our lives....though I know many would judge that.... it was* FUN */ a little novelty that burned itself out - as I knew it would... and we did it all together...as has always been our way.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Awe CB...you probably think I am a disrespectful wife then... we don't gawk, stare, we just notice...(accept for that example I gave, I can't even think of another).... and we're able to admit this...talk about it freely/ openly ....
> .


Ahh.. but SA there is a difference between "noticing" and as the OP specified "Looking Up & Down".

The latter is in social situations more meaningful than "Noticing".
It also conveys intent to the object of the "looking"

When a woman "looks me up & down" I know what she's thinking.
It's quite brazen.

It's disrespectful to be doing such a thing at all let alone in front of me.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Awe CB...you probably think I am a disrespectful wife then... we don't gawk, stare, we just notice...(accept for that example I gave, I can't even think of another).... and we're able to admit this...talk about it freely/ openly ....


Ok,I get where you're coming from.
But that not disrespectful, we are humans , we will notice!
But like Tacoma said , the lust filled stare is what I consider disrespectful.

I'll give you an actual example.
Last week, my wife and I went out early one morning to breakfast down at the marina.
Whilst walking towards the restaurant, this really sexy chick in a hot shorts crossed the streets and decided to walk directly in front of us , swaying her hips, and flaunting.
In my eyes , she looked smoking hot.
My wife wore a tight fitted , skinny jeans , slippers and a tight fitting top.
We were chatting as we walked.
When the hottie came in front of us , I simply put my arms around my wife's waist and squeezed her butt.
She giggled and bounced me with her hip.
She got the message, and we continued talking and laughing and little miss " hottie " in front of me no longer mattered, i had a nice piece of my wife's a$$ in the palm of MY hands.....

LOL, but if I was alone, I knew I would have stared!


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## dusty4 (May 8, 2013)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Do you think it's okay for your wife/SO to look up and down at a man? Is it okay if they have mental thoughts of sleeping with them or wonder how good they would be in bed even though they have no intentions of doing do? Would it be okay for your wives/SO to stare at their packages through magazines even though its meaningless?
> 
> I'm just very curious. Would this bother you? Thanks.


Well, you can't control someone's thoughts. Its natural to find someone else attractive. Its a different story to look at them and think, "damn I want to hit that". Those that think along those lines probably aren't going to be faithful if given the right opportunity to cheat.

But if they are staring someone else up and down in your presence, then its simply disrespectful.

So if I had a SO that did that in front of me, I'd start to distance myself from them.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Do you think it's okay for your wife/SO to look up and down at a man? Is it okay if they have mental thoughts of sleeping with them or wonder how good they would be in bed even though they have no intentions of doing do? Would it be okay for your wives/SO to stare at their packages through magazines even though its meaningless?
> 
> I'm just very curious. Would this bother you? Thanks.


That is two seperate questions.

I cannot control what she thinks. I cannot control who she fantasizes about. I can't control what she looks at.

HOWEVER...I _can_ take her to task if her 'looking' is sending out a 'dinner's ready!' vibe to the man in question.

Yes, frequent fantasizing about ONE specific man would make me insecure, particularly an available. one. SO...I don't ask that question because the answer would do more harm than good. 

If she is constantly and blatantly 'window shopping', that sends it's own message.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Caribbean Man said:


> Ok,I get where you're coming from.
> But that not disrespectful, we are humans , we will notice!
> But like Tacoma said , *the lust filled stare* is what I consider disrespectful.


My husbands only done this with the strippers (but hey, that's what the night is all about, it's cool)...frankly, he wouldn't want to HIT them anyway... whether anyone believes that or not, I can't help....but I know how he IS...never the type to JUMP if he could get away with something....or *Looks* overtake his mind & Shoot straight to his other head......like so many men engage in their younger single years....that's just not him. 

I suppose IF he was that type, I wouldn't feel as carefree as I do..if their was history of his LUST leading to bedding many chicks. 

And I'm the same way...I don't care how  the guy is.... chances are his good looks = conceited & many women under his belt, the type I shun ....so what is momentary glance but an enjoyment of the beauty of God's magnificent creation in male & female..... I can't separate the emotional (feelings from an entangled love affair) from going "all the way" with Lust...and It would likely be a sad day if I could. 

If my eye was noticing a good looking man....the moment his eyes met mine I would look away....never any stares...oh no.....never engaged in any kinda "eye dance" out & about- while I've been taken......if wouldn't matter if he was with me or not... that could get one into trouble! 

I know he'd be the same in this respect. 

But we'll tell each other if we notice someone else checking us out! We always get a laugh out of that...makes us feel good too, especially at our age.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

I haven't had time to read through all the responses. I would say, so long as she's not doing it around me, or if she is, 'keep it to yourself'. No need to make your husband feel like **** because you're fantasizing about another guy. That being said, I'm sure it has happened and that's fine. But, at least I know she respects me enough not to flaunt it. As do I. There have been many times when my wife has said something like 'She's very pretty' and I'll say, 'Who?'. Even though I know damn well who she means.


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

It's like speeding. It's only a crime if you get caught. You are supposed to be discreet enough to ogle and lust without it being noticed. Once again, most everyone does it....the rest lie about it. Be polite.....don't let him see you drool.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Thunder7 said:


> There have been many times when my wife has said something like 'She's very pretty' and I'll say, 'Who?'. Even though I know damn well who she means.


 If I asked my husband this question...and I have (about actresses in a movie, on the beach, my friends, etc).... I want an HONEST answer, and if he downplayed it to me, I just wouldn't like that at all. 

Ok... this is grand... I just asked him sitting in the next room *IF HE DOWNPLAYS IT TO ME *when I have asked (Note: he's never acted like he didn't know who I was talking about - generally says she is good looking, pretty ...sometimes not his type)....I got my 2 teens yelling from the room... saying.... "well Yeah"..."do you think we're stupid?".... 

Then my husband speaks........ *"I MIGHT"* -with a .. I jumped up and was ready to take his head off...(no I am kidding - really! :rofl... but he doesn't have to do that with me... I guess I was a little surprised. 

He said he wouldn't want me to feel bad... Oh well, I wouldn't feel bad... I see that as completely & utterly normal. He promised me he wouldn't downplay it... I'm happy now.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> If I asked my husband this question...and I have (about actresses in a movie, on the beach, my friends, etc).... I want an HONEST answer, and if he downplayed it to me, I just wouldn't like that at all.
> 
> Ok... this is grand... I just asked him sitting in the next room *IF HE DOWNPLAYS IT TO ME *when I have asked (Note: he's never acted like he didn't know who I was talking about - generally says she is good looking, pretty ...sometimes not his type)....I got my 2 teens yelling from the room... saying.... "well Yeah"..."do you think we're stupid?"....
> 
> ...


See.  I think most men would consider their wife's feelings before going on about how hot another woman is. It's just being considerate.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Thunder7 said:


> See.  I think most men would consider their wife's feelings before going on about how hot another woman is. It's just being considerate.


I agree with you, I DO...and yes, it's considerate... It is incredibly WISE for the man! Though I think we are more transparent compared to the norm....I prefer it that way.
Let's face it....People... men and women look at the opposite sex...I know when my sex drive increased to the sky.... I was taking* more* notice..(I remember saying to myself.. is this how it is for MEN -what an affliction!.........this didn't make me go over any fences...it's just the normal response to Testosterone spiking .... ups the visual enjoyment... 

I still say a big ...should I beat myself up...or him for that matter... I think NOT. 

It is purely what you do with it that matters to me.... I am not for the "thought police". 

I've had this conversation with my husband before - asking his thoughts on seeing a HOT beauty ..when this thread was going on *>>* http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/24519-way-men-really-think.html

He's told me...given the choice, he would rather Look, turning away is "no fun" (his words).... and within seconds he thinks to himself ..."I Love my wife, STD's, I love my kids, STD's"...something to that effect...& the fleeting fantasy is finished... I found that pretty darn :rofl: ...and respectable for that matter... maybe he is lying but I doubt it, just knowing the type of man he is..this line of thinking "fits" him. 

I'm very cool with that. Nor does he see me as disrespectful. It's just our way.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

If she was admiring the guy because she thought him attractive. Not a big deal.

If she was overcome with lust for the guy. Yes I would have a problem.

If she did not find me attractive or found the guy so much more attractive than me. Wouldn't be cool.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Do you think it's okay for your wife/SO to look up and down at a man? Is it okay if they have mental thoughts of sleeping with them or wonder how good they would be in bed even though they have no intentions of doing do? Would it be okay for your wives/SO to stare at their packages through magazines even though its meaningless?
> 
> I'm just very curious. Would this bother you? Thanks.


I'm ok with it. She's not dead anymore than I am. As long as she's not leering and being blatant or disrespectful, it's not an issue. She's human. I'm okay with her being such.

When we watch porn together, I'd guess she's enjoying the hot dudes every bit as I am the women. What's good for the goose...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

SA, my wife and I are similar to you and your husband I think. Accept we don't require a direct question to throw an observation out there. 

So I'll mention when someone is pretty, or cute, or is built well, or is sexy (and all those oddly don't always go together), etc. I feel like it's one of the things that makes us compatible. We talk about almost everything.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Thundarr said:


> SA, my wife and I are similar to you and your husband *I think*. Accept we don't require a direct question to throw an observation out there.
> 
> So I'll mention when someone is pretty, or cute, or is built well, or is sexy (and all those oddly don't always go together), etc. I feel like it's one of the things that makes us compatible. *We talk about almost everything.*


Love it Thundarr ! I like your "I think"... I can be a little outspoken, not so sure you want to agree with me, eh? Ha ha 

We don't require a direct question either, though I am surely the one who throws more questions out -by far... and forget LOOKS for a moment... this goes for ANYTHING...I'll speak on someone's crazy humor - to the point of peeing my pants......another's kindness, hospitality, generosity....intelligence...debating skills (I highly praise this in a person)....

Looks do not make anyone superior.....it's such a small part of the overall package of us all..

Like on our way home from a party, for instance...we'll dissect lots of things discussed, laughed about......his thoughts/ mine...it's the Spice of life...bouncing things off of each other... ... very little upsets our apple cart in this regard.....

And if/when one feels "slighted".... we DO bring it up saying "Hey now"....and talk how that makes us *feel*...though this is a very rare occurrence, near non existent with this subject... more my attitude at home over something in a moment...he'll "reprimand" me....and he's right on!


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