# hi :(



## scouse (Dec 20, 2011)

well i have been on medication for about 3 years or so i think, i feel like i am just swallowing my medication and nothings happening, i have severe anxiety and depression but i take no meds for depression as i have not told my doctor yet that i think i suffer from it again but i am going to make an appointment before christmas, well for about a month or so now i got a random thought/feeling out the blue that i dont love my girlfriend, we have just recently got engaged too and been together for just over 6 months and it hurts me an worrys me to were i feel sick sad upset and makes me cry and scared because theres no reason why i wouldnt love her theres, been nothing bad in the relationship besides silly arguements where we end up being funny with eachother but after a few mins we make up its kind of childish and stupid because they are over little things that mean nothing, but now when they happen which is hardly ever now it makes me feel down and makes me wonder is this why i feel like this ? but its not but it reminds me of the silly arguements and makes me upset she is the best thing to ever happen to me in my eyes i have only had one girlfriend she is amazing shes cute loving supportive caring nice funny shes everything you could want, now it makes me cry and upset when to think i dont love her when i know underneath this big cloud of anxiety and depression because i get little good feelings but i know they wont last because i will get thoughts coming in my head just popping in that i dont want there, even an ex keeps coming in my head i have no feelings for anyone in my past i dont miss them or nothing things remind me of being in that relationship because that was my true love at the time but obviously wasnt, little small things remind me oh ye i remember this and that and i dont wanna remember them or want something to come up and make me remember them, its all unwanted thoughts just coming in my head and because i am asking my self why is this happening i dont want these thoughts in my head because they have been happening so strong for a month or the unwanted thoughts and feelings seem true but i know there not but they seem true because they are constantly there and i cant be happy with anything but i am still fighting but its getting so hard now even when i say to her i love her i get a feelings as if am lying etc but am not so it makes me upset, ya know if i didnt love her i wouldnt wanna see her kiss her or be with her and i still want these things and always will want these things i dont even watch much telly because if a nice looking girl comes on the telly suddenly shes in my head and i dont want this, even songs if a word gets said or a few words instantly thats to do with me thats how my mind is like something like lost you etc etc seems to mean its like am gona lose her or i wanna lose her its really really annoys me but also makes me so upset, even saying all this its like i still feel as if i dont want her but i do i really do, i need meds that can make me happy and something for depression not just anxiety i am on a waiting list to see someone in a group called inclusion matters they have a site if anyone wants to look or make an appointment with them, does anyone feel they have the same problems as me ? or have had them and have got better, i love my amazing beautiful future wife i say this on the end of everyone text, getting emotional now because it hurts so much and annoys me that i am having to put up with all this crap i aint a bad person why is this happening? i am 23 i have had suicidal thoughts but i know there stupid and i aint done nothing nor will i because i am still here but i do feel like going asleep and never waking up but i realise what i am leaving behind and leaving people in pain, i hope this group i am going to can help me thank you

had to add a bit because i remembered a bit more, even going on buses and girls come on i feel under pressure not to look at another person i dont want this i wanna be able to look and think nothing of the person ya know this is every day of life, even get feelings that i dont like my girlfriend when i do, get feelings i am gona lose her etc, this is the main problem i have loads of others but this is the main one, its like if one problem isnt bothering me as much there will always be something else, i feel under pressure and forcing myself not to look at others because i dont want to i am really scared that its not just anxiety and depression if i didnt love my fiancee i wouldnt cry about things or go and see her and keep fighting or be bothered about looking at other women, i get like a shock feeling in my belly when i look at others or i think she looks nice etc but i dont get that when i look at my fiancee but thats because shes my fiancee the things i dont want seem to be messin around with my head i dont sleep much its 4am here i go to bed around this time an get up late then go see her, sorry this was all rushed


----------



## deiswoman (Dec 5, 2011)

It sounds like you are bipolar and need to stick to your medicine. I gave 11 years to a man who was bipolar and reduced his medicine. He changes his mind and says he never loved me, goes through phases where he feels superior to everyone so that he criticizes them for being incompetent and wants to "upgrade" and find a woman who is as good looking and accomplished as he is. He thinks his coworkers spy on him and that someone is planting cameras in our home. Now he is divorcing me. I am an only child with no friends or children. I don't mean to sound harsh but if you don't stay medicated, you have no right to mess up someone else's life by luring them into marriage and deciding how you feel later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

