# Post divorce partners



## Ynot

I was thinking of just posting in the Singles thread, but decided this might be a good topic of discussion.

I was on a date last night. We started talking about sex. At one point the topic of how many partners we have had came up. She asked how many I had had and I told her. Then I asked her and she said she hadn't ever kept track, so she couldn't tell me exactly. I said 5? 10? 15?, she finally said she would ball park it around 20.
So do you have any idea, do you keep track? Is it important to you (your own number)? Do you think it is something your current partner should feel is important? Would it concern you how many partners your partner had been with?

This woman said she didn't want to say, because she didn't want me to think she was a ****. She has been divorced for 10 years. She was 53 years old. Am I wrong to not feel this is an issue? Personally I would rather have a 50 year old woman who knows what she wants based on experience. Than some 20 or 30 year old woman who is still trying to figure it all out.


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## 3Xnocharm

I know my exact number., and if asked, I would share the info with a potential partner. Is there a particular number in your mind that would concern you with a woman you are dating? Personally I have never really been concerned with the number... my current bf's number only bothers me because its so high and he's not bothering to do it with me! (he is a musician so his younger years includes groupies, etc...) Everyone got a turn but me, it seems, lol...

I think a really LOW number might actually bother me more, like one or two, unless he had been married for a long time. I want someone who knows what the hell they are doing.


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## bkyln309

I have no idea. I know its more than 5. I dont think its more than 15 or 20 max. Its just not important to me really and too long ago to remember most of them. Most came before my marriage and a few after my marriage.


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## Ynot

3Xnocharm said:


> I know my exact number., and if asked, I would share the info with a potential partner. Is there a particular number in your mind that would concern you with a woman you are dating? Personally I have never really been concerned with the number... my current bf's number only bothers me because its so high and he's not bothering to do it with me! (he is a musician so his younger years includes groupies, etc...) Everyone got a turn but me, it seems, lol...
> 
> I think a really LOW number might actually bother me more, like one or two, unless he had been married for a long time. I want someone who knows what the hell they are doing.


I don't have any particular number in mind as a hard cut off point or anything like that. I think the number depends on the story. Some people went at it hard (no pun intended) in HS and college. Others later in life, between marriages or post divorce. 
But I do agree that too low of a number bother me. Especially as I have gotten older. I think for instance that a 50 year old woman (or a man) who has only been with one or two other people and/or with no one for any extended period of time would be rather concerning to me. It wouldn't necessarily raise a red flag, but I would be concerned that they would place to much emphasis (ie sex = love) on having sex. It might also indicate a lack of exposure to different things or an expectation of their own as to what is normal that might not align with mine or for that matter anyone else's.
Otherwise I agree with you. I prefer to be with someone who knows what they are doing and enjoys doing it.


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## arbitrator

*I know my exact number as well, but despite it being rather low for my age, it doesn't really matter to me, and neither does a potential partners number!

Unless, of course, it's a number that's emblematic of the Hollywood Madam!*


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## ReformedHubby

I always found it interesting that some people know exactly how many and others can't really tell you. I don't know the number for myself. I'm not saying I was walking around looking to get laid by a different person everyday, but if the stars were aligned and there was mutual attraction, I certainly wouldn't say no because I was worried about adding to that number. Its not something I felt a need to keep track of. I probably would have kept track of it if I put value on having a low number, but I don't. For me its about having new and exciting experiences, and I think I would leave here with regrets if I had chosen a more chaste path. With that said I certainly respect those that have a low number, its all about whats best for you as and individual.

Regarding what the OP said about preferring experienced women, I agree. I went with the "good girl" when I got married, because when I was young I believed the "good girl", made the best spouse. I no longer believe that, I have had relationships with women that are just as free spirited as I am and we were loyal to one another during our time together. So for me at least it is a matter of personal preference. I do wish that us high count and low count folks could get along better. Just because a woman has a low count doesn't mean she can't still rock your world, and a person having a high count isn't an indictment of their character. Just my thoughts....


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## personofinterest

I have to say, OP, I respect the fact that you aren't drooling in dismay that a woman has had a sexual partner before you. So many guys can't handle that. Your maturity is refreshing.


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## Ynot

personofinterest said:


> I have to say, OP, I respect the fact that you aren't drooling in dismay that a woman has had a sexual partner before you. So many guys can't handle that. Your maturity is refreshing.


Thanks. I remember several months ago there was a poster who started a thread about the fact that his wife had had unprotected sex 20 years ago, before he even knew her and now he couldn't even look at her and wanted to get a divorce.


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## SadSamIAm

11 sexual partners

Michelle, Adrienne, Marci, Sydney, Myrna, Leigh, Colleen, Heather, Jude, Coralie, Norma

Pretty good memory considering all but one of them occurred over 30 years ago!


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## Laurentium

I am sure I am still in single digits, because I was married most of my life. I'm divorced now, in my 60s. I don't know the number off the top of my head, so I guess that means the number is not important to me, but I remember all of those people and could count them up if I wanted to. 

I guess we all have the problem of assessing whether a date is looking for simply a sexual encounter, or a committed relationship with us, and maybe partner count is one way people use to get a clue about that. And no, I don't necessarily think you can ask someone either of those questions (what are you looking for, how many partners have you had) and assume an honest answer. I wish it were so.


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## Laurentium

personofinterest said:


> I have to say, OP, I respect the fact that you aren't drooling in dismay that a woman has had a sexual partner before you. So many guys can't handle that. Your maturity is refreshing.


When you've met her children, it's hard to avoid the conclusion that she's had sex before.


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## BluesPower

Ynot said:


> I was thinking of just posting in the Singles thread, but decided this might be a good topic of discussion.
> 
> I was on a date last night. We started talking about sex. At one point the topic of how many partners we have had came up. She asked how many I had had and I told her. Then I asked her and she said she hadn't ever kept track, so she couldn't tell me exactly. I said 5? 10? 15?, she finally said she would ball park it around 20.
> So do you have any idea, do you keep track? Is it important to you (your own number)? Do you think it is something your current partner should feel is important? Would it concern you how many partners your partner had been with?
> 
> This woman said she didn't want to say, because she didn't want me to think she was a ****. She has been divorced for 10 years. She was 53 years old. Am I wrong to not feel this is an issue? Personally I would rather have a 50 year old woman who knows what she wants based on experience. Than some 20 or 30 year old woman who is still trying to figure it all out.


First off, I don't mind talking about sex, likes, dislikes, stuff like that. I never talk numbers, ever. I told my GF that is a number that I would not give out.

I would tell her anything that she wanted to know except that. Freaked her out a little, she knows it is a little high compared to some people, but not astronomical or anything. 

And no, I don't not know what the exact number is. 

You are not wrong. It is not an issue nor should it be. And yes you want a woman, if you get to that stage, that has experience, is not hung up about sex, and, yes please god, she can tell you what she wants, likes and is open about it. 

You two will click or in bed together or you will not. If you get together and learn about each other, it will continue to get better, which surprises my GF, but she did not have a ton of experience. It is quite common for it to continue to improve, esp is you are in love, that is the best... 

All of this is pretty common. But no it is not an issue.


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## honcho

Ynot said:


> I was thinking of just posting in the Singles thread, but decided this might be a good topic of discussion.
> 
> I was on a date last night. We started talking about sex. At one point the topic of how many partners we have had came up. She asked how many I had had and I told her. Then I asked her and she said she hadn't ever kept track, so she couldn't tell me exactly. I said 5? 10? 15?, she finally said she would ball park it around 20.
> So do you have any idea, do you keep track? Is it important to you (your own number)? Do you think it is something your current partner should feel is important? Would it concern you how many partners your partner had been with?
> 
> This woman said she didn't want to say, because she didn't want me to think she was a ****. She has been divorced for 10 years. She was 53 years old. Am I wrong to not feel this is an issue? Personally I would rather have a 50 year old woman who knows what she wants based on experience. Than some 20 or 30 year old woman who is still trying to figure it all out.


I went out with a woman who kept detailed records of her former partners, she even had a ranking system and top ten. The number of partners was astronomical and if I wrote the number no one would believe it. I didn't believe it at first then she showed me the journals. 

My number is not astronomical.


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## lifeistooshort

I'd have to think about my number because prior to the guy I'm currently seeing I'd only been with my two husbands for over 20 years. 

There were a few before that but I'd have to think about it. 

It may be 10 or so.


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## Mr.Married

It wouldn't concern me how many she has been with. It seems unfair to somehow want a woman to rewrite her history. I wouldn't expect her to remember the exact number if it is say ....
getting above the 10 mark.

I was married young and we dated a long time before that. My number is 1 (my wife) but I never gave it much thought if that makes me happy or depressed...so I guess that means I don't "keep track".


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## Married but Happy

I don't know my exact number offhand, but I have written it down somewhere. I have a good idea of the range. My wife doesn't know exactly, either, but can give a range as well. We both had a "moderate" number (about 10?) when we met. Neither of us cared, and I think they all were the usual part of trying to develop - or having - a relationship with someone.

To me, it doesn't matter, unless - _maybe_, in some cases - it's over 100, and then I'd want to know why, at least.


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## MJJEAN

I've been with DH damn near 20 years. I have to slog through the mists of time to remember my number. And it might not be entirely accurate. See, I once sat with a friend and we drunkenly made a list of our partners. I know when the list was made and remember my number at the time. I take that and add partners I had after the list was made up until I met DH. The total should be my number. However, I add 1 to account for faulty memory.

Also, I am count PIV sex. Other forms of sexual contact not included.


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## Vinnydee

My experience with divorced women was that they wanted revenge sex. They wanted to do everything their would not let their husbands do or what they wanted done but he never did. Once I was at Cancun and a very attractive Cougar was bragging about her divorce and how much money she got. She was playing water Volleyball with a bunch of us guys in a hotel pool and every so often took one of us up to her room, had sex and then came down to play again. This went on all afternoon. She was an animal in bed. 

One of my more memorable times was meeting recently divorced women whose husband left her for a much younger girl. She was in hr 40’s and rich. She was very attractive. She took me out for an expensive dinner and then back to her London flat where she wanted all sorts of fetish sex and gave me her anal virginity as revenge since she never allowed her husband to do that. I have had a few others and it is amazing at how all of a sudden they are back into giving oral sex and swallowing again. 

I never had a woman, no matter her status or age, ask me about my sexual past. Never. I also never asked nor wanted to hear. Not one divorced woman was concerned in making me feel that she was not a ****. In fact, they wanted me to know they would do anything I asked. I guess your experience is much different than mine.


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## Ynot

Vinnydee said:


> My experience with divorced women was that they wanted revenge sex. They wanted to do everything their would not let their husbands do or what they wanted done but he never did. Once I was at Cancun and a very attractive Cougar was bragging about her divorce and how much money she got. She was playing water Volleyball with a bunch of us guys in a hotel pool and every so often took one of us up to her room, had sex and then came down to play again. This went on all afternoon. She was an animal in bed.
> 
> One of my more memorable times was meeting recently divorced women whose husband left her for a much younger girl. She was in hr 40’s and rich. She was very attractive. She took me out for an expensive dinner and then back to her London flat where she wanted all sorts of fetish sex and gave me her anal virginity as revenge since she never allowed her husband to do that. I have had a few others and it is amazing at how all of a sudden they are back into giving oral sex and swallowing again.
> 
> I never had a woman, no matter her status or age, ask me about my sexual past. Never. I also never asked nor wanted to hear. Not one divorced woman was concerned in making me feel that she was not a ****. In fact, they wanted me to know they would do anything I asked. I guess your experience is much different than mine.


Well, I didn't say every woman I have met has asked me. But this one did which is what made me think about posting it. Much of my experience has been the same as yours. I think people, especially as they get older realize, there is nothing in it for them to play the game of societal expectations anymore. When they come to that realization, they decide to do things they enjoy and for some of them that means sucking and swallowing, anal and/or engaging in fetishes. I am sure some of it is motivated by revenge, but I think it is more likely motivated by rejecting the expectations of others. Some may find that the things they have tried are not something they actually enjoyed and never do those particular things again. Myself, however, have never even remotely desired nor spent anytime with a woman who wanted to pull a train. I don't do sloppy seconds or thirds. Not my thing.


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## Rowan

I do know my exact number. I'm 42 and was monogamous with my now-ex-husband for 21 years, so my number isn't high. I've very rarely had anyone I was dating ask about my number, and I've never asked a potential partner. I've been dating my SO for over 3 years and have no idea what his number is. I'm guessing it's higher than mine, but it doesn't matter to me so I've never asked. And he has never asked me, so I guess it isn't very important to him, either.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

This whole numbers thing is truly foreign to me. Is actually a prime example of one of the reasons I'm here; long ago I realized I don't know quite everything 😉 and I learn here on TAM, while sharing a bit in human nature areas I do have experience in.

And I've got to say; I do enjoy getting to "know" some of the good folk here.

On the numbers; I never asked any of my partners, and only found out each's if and when they mentioned. 

One has a feeling of each's experience when having sex, and one knows a bit about the person prior to. 

I have a high count, I myself didn't keep track, and can't remember names of all but maybe xx. We had to have had multiple encounters for them to stay with me.

And it depends on what a person's opinion of a high count is, I suppose.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

20 means atleast 40 in women speak....hit it and run!


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## BluesPower

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> 20 means atleast 40 in women speak....hit it and run!


Come on man. Are you really serious with this one? 

Do you think it makes a difference depending on the person. My GF is not vastly experienced and she is magnificent in bed. 

It depends on the person and the situation...


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## UpsideDownWorld11

BluesPower said:


> UpsideDownWorld11 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 20 means atleast 40 in women speak....hit it and run!
> 
> 
> 
> Come on man. Are you really serious with this one?
> 
> Do you think it makes a difference depending on the person. My GF is not vastly experienced and she is magnificent in bed.
> 
> It depends on the person and the situation...
Click to expand...

Depends what he is looking for I guess. For something casual, high count women are fine.


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## Diana7

I would run from anyone who had had so many sexual partners that they couldn't even remember how many. I find men who have had few or no sexual partners before me far more attractive than those who have. 

I do think its something that each needs to be honest about if the relationship is getting serious. For us it was very important to be open and honest about everything including sex. Also that neither of us had slept around. If a man refused to be open about it, that would be a massive red flag for me. 
My husbands count was one, his ex wife.


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## Curse of Millhaven

Lol I’d be seriously mathematically impaired if I couldn’t keep track of my number. I’ve had two sexual partners and I haven’t cared what their number was; my first had close to triple digits, my husband had 3 or 4 (swiss cheese brain can’t remember now).

Honestly, I’m kinda embarrassed by my low number and my starving “penis flytrap” at this point; I would probably be reticent to even talk about it to a prospective partner. But I’m compulsively honest and suck at lying/subterfuge, so I would probably just over-share and blurt it out in a really awkward way, at an inopportune time. As I’m wont to do. 

I’ve never actually really “dated” and have just kinda fallen into full-blown long-term relationships. I guess that’s weird, but then, so am I. 

I wouldn’t even know how to date and reading things here makes me think I’m not up for it anyway. I’m too sensitive, strange, and messed up and would just get taken advantage of and/or auto-nexted into oblivion. 

And I’ve never had sex without love, so I wouldn’t even know what that’s all about or how to navigate the minefield of modern dating. I mean, it sounds like if you have a low number you’re already under suspicion. And if you want to wait to have sex, seems like a lot of dudes “hard pass”, but if you have sex too soon, you risk getting nailed and bailed. Tomayto, tomahto, ah **** it, let’s call the whole thing off!

Truthfully, given my doomed Charlie Foxtrot love life and “marriage” and after reading this website I’m 99.999999999% sure I’m not suitable for mass consumption. I have more red flags than a Russian parade and am convinced I’m un****able/undatable anyway, so in the event that I divorce, I’m pretty sure I will live out the rest of my days in a cave with wolves. 

At this point, if I find myself post-divorce, I might seriously consider just getting a Richard for hire to take care of the times when I’m basically out of my mind in heat during certain peaks in the cycle of my monthly curse. (Am I talking about menstruation or lycanthropy??? Only the moon knows for sure!)

I mean, it’s gotta be easier than all this dating and relationship bull****, right?


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## WorkingWife

Right? I'm surprised to see a couple guys saying they don't expect/want the number to be really low. My experience has been that men don't want to hear or know much of anything about past relationships. 

I would have to sit down and think back to figure out my exact number, and frankly, there are a few indiscretions I'd really rather not reminisce on.

At any rate, I had no idea the number could be too LOW for a woman.




personofinterest said:


> I have to say, OP, I respect the fact that you aren't drooling in dismay that a woman has had a sexual partner before you. So many guys can't handle that. Your maturity is refreshing.


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## Diana7

Curse of Millhaven said:


> Lol I’d be seriously mathematically impaired if I couldn’t keep track of my number. I’ve had two sexual partners and I haven’t cared what their number was; my first had close to triple digits, my husband had 3 or 4 (swiss cheese brain can’t remember now).
> 
> Honestly, I’m kinda embarrassed by my low number and my starving “penis flytrap” at this point; I would probably be reticent to even talk about it to a prospective partner. But I’m compulsively honest and suck at lying/subterfuge, so I would probably just over-share and blurt it out in a really awkward way, at an inopportune time. As I’m wont to do.
> 
> I’ve never actually really “dated” and have just kinda fallen into full-blown long-term relationships. I guess that’s weird, but then, so am I.
> 
> I wouldn’t even know how to date and reading things here makes me think I’m not up for it anyway. I’m too sensitive, strange, and messed up and would just get taken advantage of and/or auto-nexted into oblivion.
> 
> And I’ve never had sex without love, so I wouldn’t even know what that’s all about or how to navigate the minefield of modern dating. I mean, it sounds like if you have a low number you’re already under suspicion. And if you want to wait to have sex, seems like a lot of dudes “hard pass”, but if you have sex too soon, you risk getting nailed and bailed. Tomayto, tomahto, ah **** it, let’s call the whole thing off!
> 
> Truthfully, given my doomed Charlie Foxtrot love life and “marriage” and after reading this website I’m 99.999999999% sure I’m not suitable for mass consumption. I have more red flags than a Russian parade and am convinced I’m un****able/undatable anyway, so in the event that I divorce, I’m pretty sure I will live out the rest of my days in a cave with wolves.
> 
> At this point, if I find myself post-divorce, I might seriously consider just getting a Richard for hire to take care of the times when I’m basically out of my mind in heat during certain peaks in the cycle of my monthly curse. (Am I talking about menstruation or lycanthropy??? Only the moon knows for sure!)
> 
> I mean, it’s gotta be easier than all this dating and relationship bull****, right?


Why are you embarrassed? You shouldn't be. I think its great that you haven't had many partners and that you only had sex with those you loved. Its the best way. 
I really respect people who have saved sex for serious relationships/marriage, they have gone against the flow and dared to be different. 
If a guy gives you the 'hard pass' for wanting to wait, what does that day about him anyway??? I have a family member who lost boyfriends because she didn't want to have sex till they were serious, and they were pressuring her after just a few dates. They weren't worth having and she knew that. If a man is put off because you have only had 2 sexual partners then what does that sat about them again??? Not a lot. :smile2:


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## Andy1001

WorkingWife said:


> Right? I'm surprised to see a couple guys saying they don't expect/want the number to be really low. My experience has been that men don't want to hear or know much of anything about past relationships.
> 
> I would have to sit down and think back to figure out my exact number, and frankly, there are a few indiscretions I'd really rather not reminisce on.
> 
> At any rate, I had no idea the number could be too LOW for a woman.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> 
> I have to say, OP, I respect the fact that you aren't drooling in dismay that a woman has had a sexual partner before you. So many guys can't handle that. Your maturity is refreshing.
Click to expand...

The problem with not having a few previous sexual partners is twofold. 
1. The partner in question may have psychological reasons for not having sex and if this doesn’t become clear until after marriage then a roommate situation can arise. 
2. The partner with the low count may feel that they have “missed out” on something later on in the marriage and that’s when affairs happen. 
This applies to both sexes.


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