# husband has a close female friend



## Frida (Dec 13, 2011)

Hi all, 
I am new to this site, but glad to happen upon it as I am in a bit of a crisis. Saw a similar thread to this so hoping there is some advice from folks to help ground me.

My husband has always been friends with women. It was a problem 7 years into the marriage as he developed a crush on one and told me. We almost didn't make it, but she turned out to be unstable and he moved on. Told myself I would never go through that again.

We are 20 years in and he has found another female friend that he spends a lot of time with (from work). I've given him feedback - he claims to not be interested in her, but recently I looked at his cell calls (I know - invasion of his privacy, but I had to know) and noticed he was talking to her 45 min to an hour at a time - sometimes twice a day! Including (especially) weekends. Much more than he talks to me - or for that matter, more than I talk to my girlfriends on the phone.

I confronted him with this info and he was mostly angry at me for looking at his phone, but also defended the calls in that he really enjoys talking with her - "she's a nice person. We used to talk a lot when commuting and I liked it." 

I just can't handle that he is so close to someone of the opposite sex even though I believe he is devoted to me as a husband. I feel like his thoughts lie with her and it's killing me. 

Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable?


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You are not unreasonable.

He is cheating on you. Maybe not physically, yet, but definitely emotionally.

An hour on the phone with some other woman is not ok.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

This sounds like an affair. I'm so very sorry.

My husband and I never hide anything from each other, we have access/passwords to cell phones and all computer related webites and email accounts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

were there also large numbers of texts?


you need to start investigating, I suggest you checkout the forum


----------



## Frida (Dec 13, 2011)

I don't think he is physically cheating on me - I think that's why he thinks he's doing nothing wrong, and is very defensive of the friendship. But it seems to hurt just as much know that he prefers to hang out with her over me. In terms of texting - he does a lot of it, but erases them. I only saw one from her that he replied to. 

Thanks for all your responses. This is hard to hear but helpful.


----------



## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

A married man shouldn't be BFF's with some random woman he just recently met. 

So at the very least he is being inappropriate. Sounds like an EA to me.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

doesnt have to be physical to be cheating (but you dont even know for sure anyways which is why you should investigate)


put it this way, if you were doing the same thing with a man how would he react?


----------



## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

Yeah, red flags with the calling time, the deleted texts, and his being angry with you looking at his phone. Is she married? What info does he openly tell you about her?


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

what kind of phone btw- some phones you can actually retreive the deleted texts


----------



## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

Hi, it's totally understandable that you feel the way you do. You really need to talk about this with your husband its not right what his doing its just not acceptable. You need to put your foot down and give him an ultimatium you or this other woman, it's going to be hard in case he chooses her but isnt it better you know where you stand now rather than carry on getting hurt and being made a fool out of. Point out to your husband if roles were reversed would he be as understandable as your being of course he wouldn't. Its a risk I know in case he chooses the other woman or uses an excuse that you don't trust him but can he really blame you. I think a number of people would agree that his uses excuses to make you think like him (its alright because shes just a friend) its not ok and you shouldnt put up with it no one should. Good luck, by the way you came to the right place. :smthumbup: :smthumbup:


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Frida said:


> I don't think he is physically cheating on me - I think that's why he thinks he's doing nothing wrong, and is very defensive of the friendship. But it seems to hurt just as much know that he prefers to hang out with her over me. In terms of texting - he does a lot of it, but erases them. I only saw one from her that he replied to.
> 
> Thanks for all your responses. This is hard to hear but helpful.


Not physically, but emotionally. Some people think it's worse. I think both ways are equally bad. He could be falling in love with another woman. You need to stop it and set boundaries immediately. He is cheating emotionally. You don't know if it's gone physical yet, he hides the evidence. He needs to stop contacting her. He will if he respects you.

My husband and I made an agreement early in our marriage not to have friends/frequent contact of the opposite sex. Again, I'm so very sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Frida (Dec 13, 2011)

Wow - lots of quick responses! So we've had some long nights talking about all this - in retrospect too many. He has said that he would cut off from her, but it's more of a threat, because he's saying he'll have to cut off from that whole group of friends and will be isolated and miserable (and it's all connected to work which is tough). I told him not to cut off, but just live in moderation, which he agreed to, supposedly. Per my request he stopped going to her house after work for wine "to wait out the traffic", but explains that that's why they talk more on the phone. Can't believe I'm writing this. It really is bad. 

At this point I'm leaning towards asking him to move out, rather than giving him the ultimatum to stop the friendship. I don't want to be in a marriage where I have to give an ultimatum. It feels like he's staying with me more out of obligation that I demand from him rather than true commitment.


----------



## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

Two thoughts come to mind...

Jealousy is a difficult thing. It shows to your H your insecurties (snooping his cell phone is a no-no in my books,and I know many disagree with me on that point) instead of your curiosity.

Express your curiosity with his new friend and suggest a luncheon together. If you H is keen on introducing you to his new friend then I would take that as a good sign. It could very well be that this friendship is based on an intellectual level.

I do believe that men and women can be platonic friends and can exist within a marriage as long as there are mutual and rock solid boundaries set by both spouses when it comes to friends, of either gender. 

Best wishes....


----------



## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Spounds like my E/A fro 10 years ago, close female friend was a coworker, talked all the time, hung out together etc etc (never, ever was physical)My wife knew we were good friends and didnt say anything about, I wish she would have, i wish I would have...
We used to make a joke about"I was her with a penis and she was me with Boobs" we were like best friends, until the day she told me she was in love with a married man and I aksed who and she said "you'...right then we talked about it and ended it, our close friendship.
she started dating other guys and thats when i noticed I had become attracted to her, I didnt even know my feelings had crossed the line until i started feeling jealous..
gave me a reallity check about my marriage and boundries, I will never have a close female friend again, only with my wife.

I didnt know what an e/a was and how strong there are (back then) my wife currentlly just had one with her coworker, yeah even after we tallked about my e/a and what the signs are, she got all defensive when i asked about her coworker, saying just a friendship, until i busted her with email proof.

Do some serious investigating, they will lie like crazy, anyone that knows my wife would never ever believe she was capable of lying to me the way she did.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Frida said:


> Wow - lots of quick responses! So we've had some long nights talking about all this - in retrospect too many. He has said that he would cut off from her, but it's more of a threat, because he's saying he'll have to cut off from that whole group of friends and will be isolated and miserable (and it's all connected to work which is tough). I told him not to cut off, but just live in moderation, which he agreed to, supposedly. Per my request he stopped *going to her house after work for wine "to wait out the traffic"*, but explains that that's why they talk more on the phone. Can't believe I'm writing this. It really is bad.
> 
> At this point I'm leaning towards asking him to move out, rather than giving him the ultimatum to stop the friendship. I don't want to be in a marriage where I have to give an ultimatum. It feels like he's staying with me more out of obligation that I demand from him rather than true commitment.



wow

this very well could be physical my dear


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> wow
> 
> this very well could be physical my dear


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Holy crap.

And he asked your permission! 

Traffic is never that bad....ever.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> what kind of phone btw- some phones you can actually retreive the deleted texts


I'll ask again if you missed it


----------



## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

Frida said:


> At this point I'm leaning towards asking him to move out, rather than giving him the ultimatum to stop the friendship. I don't want to be in a marriage where I have to give an ultimatum. It feels like he's staying with me more out of obligation that I demand from him rather than true commitment.


You dont want to make a hasty decison if thts how you truly feel then go for it I agree you shouldnt have to give an ultimatium but thats one thing you could do if you dont want to end it. Its not right what his doing you shouldnt be feeling the way you do. If your ok with him having friends then set strict boundaries theres no need for him to bring his work life home with him. Home is for him and you not him you and work friends end of. Good luck in what ever decision you make.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Wait, her was going to her house to hang and drink after work! And they talk for huge amounts of time even on weekends? Are other people there with them? I dont think I can ever remember a married man going over to a woman coworkers house to drink and wait out the traffic. That sounds very fishy.

You might be dealing with more than just an EA here. Is she married?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Frida (Dec 13, 2011)

I won't explain how I know it's not physical - trust me on this one. But I have told him that all these activities look like an affair and he said he agreed, but because he wasn't having an affair it shouldn't be a problem. 

Yes, I have to decide if it's time to separate or just have him devastate his work/friend-life (which may end up devastating us). It's a tough one.


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Well he's talking an hour 1-2x a day, and then lying to you about it. Sorry to say he's cheating (even if it's not physical YET). His defensiveness and rationalization only confirm it further.

Considering he's done it in the past, he should know what kind of pain it would cause. The fact that he doesn't seem to care tells me he's in "The Fog."

How I would handle it is to tell him that he needs to leave until he wants to choose you and your feelings first. Then I would kick him out (or leave if that's not feasible), and not talk to him about the relationship until he acts truly remorseful. Don't get angry or bitter, treat him respectfully and with dignity if you talk, but don't bring up the relationship or reconciliation or make any demands unless he starts acting remorseful. Acting angry or bitter will only give him more ammo to rationalize his affair.

I can tell you that if you just appease him and don't speak up and force action, you're going to slowly watch your marriage destroy itself.

You also need to open the floodgates on snooping. Phone records, keyloggers, spy software, GPS tracking, VARs wherever he is taking the calls (sounds like his car, so put one there). One good VAR'd call from his commute will tell you just how deep this is going. Whatever you find, DO NOT BRING IT UP TO HIM. If you tell him you have a recording of his call from his car, guess what, he's not going to call from there anymore. Keep your evidence so that when or if he wants to come clean, you will know if he's telling the truth. If he says he's ready to come clean, you'll know if he's lying. If he's not ready to come clean, then there's no point in giving up your source.


----------



## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

Whoah, going to her house after work for wine to wait out the traffic!!! WTF??? 

As far his statement that he'd have to cut out all of his work friends if he cut her out... total BS. Do they also go to her house for wine after work?


----------



## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

Its a problem jsut because he says its not an affair doesnt make it right/excuse the fact that he is spending a hell of a long time with this other woman. He needs to get his priorities right. Its only a tough one if you make it tough sounds to me like you know what you want but are scared to walk away which is completely understandable but you shouldnt go through this


----------



## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

What s.k. said....
He is spending way more quality time with her than with you.

I can see 2 immediate ways of dealing with this;
1: go into spy mode, gather info and blow up their relationship later
2: tell him stay with wine woman

Is wine woman married?


----------



## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Somehow I think he'll be able to manage keeping work relationships together just fine without going to a woman's house for a wine break after work to....."wait for traffic to clear". 

Unfortunately your husband doesn't seem to be really good with boundaries.


----------



## Frida (Dec 13, 2011)

Wine woman (like the nick-name!) is about one year out of an unheathly 20 year relationship. I have met her, and have actually spent some time with her (husband hoping we could be friends I guess). She's nice, but I do believe my naive husband doesn't realize that she is interested. She'd be crazy not to be, with how much attention he gives her (and he's pretty handsome). I have not confronted her as it could affect his work situation. Kind of want to keep her out of it.

Obviously this friendship is a symptom of problems in our marriage (in short, developing different interests, he resents that I work-out after work - he needs a lot more attention than I do - he would agree with this). It's quite comfortable to stay together as-is, and there never seems to be a good time to separate (holidays are here), but I really am leaning towards this decision. 

Thanks again everyone for chiming in.

By the way - not interested in any other tracking/investigation. I really do have all the info I need - thanks for the suggestions though.


----------



## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

Any way you two could find a mutual VACI (Vital active consuming interest)? 

One idea; Call or text him at work before he leaves and state that you have a bottle of xyz wine, favorite food will be ready and so will you. His scooting home fast or stopping off at the wine woman's house will be telling. Maybe you are so discusted with his recent behavior that you wouldn't want to be with him? IDK.

Why does he resent that you work out after work? Could he be jealous of whom you interact with? Ever tried asking him to work out with you?


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I know this part is hard, because as honest people we never want to believe our spouse would cheat on us, but I highly doubt nothing happened in his case.

He IS cheating on you, and there's a strong possibility he was sexually active with someone else.

Before you make any decisions, I would put a VAR in his car so you can get the whole truth. Listen to what they talk about.

Two things I can tell you you absolutely should not do:

1. Appease your husband by allowing him to talk in "moderation." I tried this, with my wife. When we were fighting, she talked more to him and it just made me more angry and more insecure. I found out later that the whole time they talked they were having sex talk, so my "moderation" chat was just a joke. Sounds like your husband is far beyond the point where "moderation" could be possible.

2. Don't be fooled into thinking that she is "a nice person." My wife's EA partner was an alleged christian, went to Bible school, and was going to school to be a marriage counsellor. I chatted with him to make sure he was a "good guy" and he assured me he would never disrespect our marriage or do anything to jeopardize our relationship and wanted to help out his old friend with her marriage problems. Turns out, that was code for "receive naked pics of your wife and talk about having sex with her as soon as she is broken up with you."

If you decide to stay, you'll want to know what happened and if you can trust that he's telling you the truth. The only way I can see that is if you have evidence against him that he doesn't know about. Put a VAR in the car and see what they're talking about. You'll find out real quick what's really going on. Don't reveal the evidence if you have it either, as soon as you reveal it, you'll never be able to use that avenue for snooping.

Edit: Sorry read the part about not wanting to track/investigate. Well if that's the case, you might as well split. Everyone here will tell you he's cheating, all the signs were there even before we knew that he's over there regularly for wine and that she likes him and was in a troubled relationship. Without proof you'll never believe him (you shouldn't believe him, he's in the fog).


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Reading between the lines here and maybe I am way off base but your thread seems to go from wanting to know if your husband is having an affair to looking for a reason to end the marriage. Nowhere do you state you love him and admit that you've not paid much attention to his needs. I agree that the EA or PA is a symptom of deeper issues in the marriage and having been a betrayed spouse, I in no way condone his actions as he is betraying you and his vows. But reading this looks more like an attempt to justify an exit from the marriage with little thought of trying to reconcile. No insult is intended toward you, just how I'm reading it.


----------



## Frida (Dec 13, 2011)

I think you are right on. I do love him, and we have had many arguments already about these issues with reconciliation as the conclusion. But I am tired. I think he is too. Plus I don't like who I am becoming with all this (who likes a jealous wife?). With the latest discovery about the phone calls, and terrible argument that followed, I am at wits end and do find myself wanting to support to leave, as I have been with him for 25 years (we met in college) and boy it's tough walking away from a life together. 

I will say that I have paid a lot of attention to his needs, but at the same time I am more independent than he is when it comes to down-time. He does not like alone-time, and I do relish it. It's been an ongoing issue. I have asked him about going to therapy together and he's declined. Told him I was going to see someone anyway. 

And I think that's where I should end this dialogue with this group. This is serious complex business that I should probably share with a professional before acting in haste. I have really appreciated all the input and insight. Initially just wanted some validation that I wasn't being unreasonable with my reaction to the phone calling - and you have all (for the most part) concurred. Thanks for the support and wish me/us luck!


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

MrK said:


> Do you know that this male friend wants to get into your pants? Does that change things? I'm just asking. In this day and age it amazes me that women don't know that men hang around with them for one reason only.


This is kind of fitting. I posted this earlier today in response to a married woman who wanted permission from us (or an OK at least) to see another man "only as a friend". OK. Enough getting cute and beating around the bush. Listen closely:

Men (heterosexual) are only BFF's with women because they want to have sex with them.

Sorry to be the one to break it to you. There are very few exceptions. And you feel there is a chance she is interested in him...?


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Sorry. I guess my last post was a little late. Good Luck.


----------



## Frida (Dec 13, 2011)

Thanks! I'll be back with an update.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Frida said:


> I think you are right on. I do love him, and we have had many arguments already about these issues with reconciliation as the conclusion. But I am tired. I think he is too. Plus I don't like who I am becoming with all this (who likes a jealous wife?). With the latest discovery about the phone calls, and terrible argument that followed, I am at wits end and do find myself wanting to support to leave, as I have been with him for 25 years (we met in college) and boy it's tough walking away from a life together.
> 
> I will say that I have paid a lot of attention to his needs, but at the same time I am more independent than he is when it comes to down-time. He does not like alone-time, and I do relish it. It's been an ongoing issue. I have asked him about going to therapy together and he's declined. Told him I was going to see someone anyway.
> 
> And I think that's where I should end this dialogue with this group. This is serious complex business that I should probably share with a professional before acting in haste. I have really appreciated all the input and insight. Initially just wanted some validation that I wasn't being unreasonable with my reaction to the phone calling - and you have all (for the most part) concurred. Thanks for the support and wish me/us luck!



I understand your need to disconnect from TAM but would suggest you hang around a bit. We are not professionals but you'll find many with very solid sage. To address your statement about being a jealous wife there is a difference between being jealous and protecting your marriage. Your husband's actions are out of line in a committed relationship. You are simply trying to protect your boundaries, he is resisting that. But, one thing here, for any hope of reconciliation, the relationship with wine woman will have to end. At best you will only tread water at worst he will slip into a full blown affair, if he's not already. This woman is actively seeking his attention and will have no qualms about trashing the marriage in the process. This will have to be addressed fairly quickly but doesn't have to be done today.

The disconnect between the two of you is common in long term marriages and it gets so bad that the couple "gets tired" as you've stated. But for a marriage to recover from something like this at least one of you needs to be all in to get it moving forward and given he has already begun a relationship outside the marriage, it will not be him. I would suggest you go ahead and seek IC to get your arms around yourself first then see what options you have for the marriage.

My marriage did recover but it was difficult to say the very least. But the pain, fear, anxiety and tears were all part of recovering a very happy marriage. Had we not suffered through those difficult times we would undoubtedly be divorced today. Good luck.


----------



## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

Best wishes Frida.!

Still wondering what would happen if you became wine woman, just for a day to see how he would react.

FWIW, I had a female coworker friend years ago that I thought was ok. Never went to her house for drinks, but she encouraged me to go out after work and would buy me drinks after the time I'd be ready to go home. Turned out she was on the prowl and I was her prey. LOL I ended it quick, hope your husband does the same with wine woman.


----------



## Frida (Dec 13, 2011)

Thanks. I guess there's no harm in keeping the dialogue open with the group and receiving ongoing input. I have appreciated this quite a bit today as I am getting no phone calls from my husband!

You are right about the fact that it's me that needs to be all in, as he has one leg out right now. I will get some therapy which will hopefully bring some clarity and a decision on my part, as how to proceed.


----------



## st_of_heartache (Dec 13, 2011)

Maybe it's a generational thing, but I just turned 31 so let me chime in. My wife and I have always had dozens of friends of the opposite sex. Most of the people in our social circle are women. We've been married for seven years, and together for four before that. I've never cheated, and any interaction I had with a female friend that I thought might've been a bit dicey, I've discussed with her. Then again, some of my older coworkers have wives that say that going to a strip club constitutes cheating.

Is he attracted to her? Probably. That's part of the way people interact with each other, even as friends. Most of us don't gravitate towards friends (even of the same sex) that we find unpleasant and unattractive. You just have to discuss boundaries and make sure that you both adhere to them--i.e., talking on the phone is fine, if this is his new BFF, but closer interaction might not be. If he's prone to pushing boundaries and being dishonest, that's a much larger problem.


----------



## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

Frida said:


> Thanks. I guess there's no harm in keeping the dialogue open with the group and receiving ongoing input. I have appreciated this quite a bit today as I am getting no phone calls from my husband!
> 
> You are right about the fact that it's me that needs to be all in, as he has one leg out right now. I will get some therapy which will hopefully bring some clarity and a decision on my part, as how to proceed.


What do u need therapy for??? Im confused I thought that your husband is getting close to another woman correct me if im wrong isnt he the one who needs therapy as he cant seem to notice what his putting u through sorry if u think im being hasty.


----------



## Frida (Dec 13, 2011)

Responding to the last two posts. I am 44 and hang out with men and women - work friends, running/gym friends and old friends, as does my husband. This is different in that the hanging out/phone calling has gotten extreme - with a focus on one person. He has had other women interested in him in the past and honestly I think he likes it. He sees hanging out with them as harmless in that in his mind he's not doing anything but enjoying the attention. 

I think you are right that he is attracted to her (I didn't see her as that attractive but I'm not a boy). 

to the last post: I only want to talk to someone who may have some solid advice and insight for me, so that I think before I potentially throw away something that for years was pretty great.

And yes, he could really use the therapy, but he won't do it.


----------



## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

I think a therapist will give u the same advice talk to him explain how ur feeling explain how u feel knowing that he is closer to this other woman. I wouldnt say throw away what you have but u need to be firm with setting boundaries. Isn't it a scary feeling knowing that he likes the fact other women like him? It shouldnt bother him if other women like him or not u are the only woman he should bother about liking him. If he wont go to therapy ask him why if what his doing is so innocent.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Frida said:


> Wine woman (like the nick-name!) is about one year out of an unheathly 20 year relationship. I have met her, and have actually spent some time with her (husband hoping we could be friends I guess). She's nice, but I do believe my naive husband doesn't realize that she is interested. She'd be crazy not to be, with how much attention he gives her (and he's pretty handsome). I have not confronted her as it could affect his work situation. Kind of want to keep her out of it.
> 
> Obviously this friendship is a symptom of problems in our marriage (in short, developing different interests, he resents that I work-out after work - he needs a lot more attention than I do - he would agree with this). It's quite comfortable to stay together as-is, and there never seems to be a good time to separate (holidays are here), but I really am leaning towards this decision.
> 
> ...


You're too worried about everyone else, and you're afraid to investigate further or tell him to end this BS 'friendship' - which screams 'denial'.

Good luck.


----------



## Frida (Dec 13, 2011)

Yes it is a BS friendship. We talked last night and I thought we worked it out - at least made progress, but this morning driving into work I started to feel icky again. Decided to look at our cell bill for once, and there they were - calls to and from her while I was gone taking care of my sick dad, at 11pm at night for 60-90 minutes! Ick. I don't care if it's not physical. I'm done.


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Frida said:


> Yes it is a BS friendship. We talked last night and I thought we worked it out - at least made progress, but this morning driving into work I started to feel icky again. Decided to look at our cell bill for once, and there they were - calls to and from her while I was gone taking care of my sick dad, at 11pm at night for 60-90 minutes! Ick. I don't care if it's not physical. I'm done.


Sorry  I feel your pain.


----------



## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

* Do the two of you have any children? 

I'm sorry you're going through this, but yes, he IS having an affair with this "wine" woman. The hours upon hours of phone calls, day in and day out, the stopping at her house to have wine and wait for the traffice to clear (?) :scratchhead: , not being supportive of you during your Dad's illness (staying up late talking to WW and not being there WITH you)......this has "AFFAIR" written all over it.

I agree that your H should just stay with WW!*


----------



## Frida (Dec 13, 2011)

We don't have kids thank god.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Is she married? Does she have a boyfriend?

If so, contact her partner and let them know about the long inappropriate chats.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Frida said:


> Yes it is a BS friendship. We talked last night and I thought we worked it out - at least made progress, but this morning driving into work I started to feel icky again. Decided to look at our cell bill for once, and there they were - calls to and from her while I was gone taking care of my sick dad, at 11pm at night for 60-90 minutes! Ick. I don't care if it's not physical. I'm done.


What an arse he is! I hate that 'icky' feeling. Have had it way too many times in life. I almost, ALMOST, wish sometimes, that I was one of those who went through life in ignorance. Ignorance is bliss.

Well, not really. Just sick of the ICK!


----------



## LadyinRed (Nov 19, 2010)

So sorry, I know the ICK, have gone through much the same with my H of 24 years. Your thread (and all the replies) have offered much of what I came to this forum for -- validation. 

The doubts, the confusion and the fear of making such a final conscious decision to leave are exactly where I am as well. I so understand how you say you are tired...

I have come to realize, through tons of informal education on this subject, that the primary step has to focus on YOU and working on emotional and physical healing. It's just so easier said than done.

I do wish you the best.


----------

