# Married one year and my sex life is down the drain.



## WeeDo (Jun 24, 2011)

When I was first married, our sex life was great. We didn't have sex too little, or too much. I've always been able to climax with my husband, even before we were married. But now it seems like something has changed. Sex has become something I hardly look forward to. I want him, but I feel like he doesn't want me. And believe me, its not for lack of trying. I try to be more forthcoming of what I want and he says I ask for sex too much. And on the other hand, I don't ask for it at all and he doesn't even seem bother. When we do finally get toward the act of having sex, he seems to only be into the sex and rarely give me what I need for stimulation.. Or for that matter, any sort of pleasure. Yes he turns me on, and I have no desire to leave him or find someone else, but the longer this continues I become more frustrated. The sex that we have is rushed and to the point, never more than 10 minutes including foreplay and cuddling afterward. Every time he finishes (though, rarely by my doing), but I'm left wanting more. And he seems not the least bit worried about whether I've actually reached climax or not. What do I do? How can I talk to my husband about this? Or is it me that needs to make changes?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

make sure he takes care of you, either orally or manually, before he takes care of himself.

change positions frequently to create breaks in the action to extend the time together.

be vocal about what you want, what you want him to do, where you want his hands, his mouth, etc


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Does he really say you ask too much or is that your interpretation?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Some other information might be helpful - such as what are your ages, do you have any kids?

What else is going on in your lives right now? Does your husband watch a lot of porn and masturbate often thereby depriving you of some of his attentions?


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## WeeDo (Jun 24, 2011)

Thanks so much for your responses, and I'll do my best to answer your question. I am 22 and my husband is 28. I have one son from a previous relationship, he has none. And yes, he's actually told me I ask too often. He never watches porn and in the entire time we've been together he's never even attempted to masturbate, as far as I know. He also refuses to pleasure me orally, however expects me to do it for him. And when he tries to pleasure me manually, he stops after a short time.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Ok so don't ask. Just start kissing him and touching him. Then what happens?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

So, does he have a history of a bunch of short-term relationships in his past? Was he a 'player' in a previous life?

He says you actually initiate too much, huh? How do you go about doing that - subtly or blatantly? Does he respond better if you are more subtle - such as discretely making yourself attractive and available? Like displaying little tempting morsels of cleavage, legs, etc. - not overtly, but during the normal course of your day?


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## WeeDo (Jun 24, 2011)

Most of the time, nothing. He just pecks me back, never make out with anymore. and wants to lay together. He works a very intense assembly job, so I know he's tired. And most nights I try not to bother him, but its like he just wants to have sex and be done with it.


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## WeeDo (Jun 24, 2011)

My husband has always been that nerdy guy, he was never much of a player. And when it comes to initiating sex, I try to do it both ways. I try to hint at him throughout the day, and he just laughs it off. I try to tell him straight out, and he says I'm forceful and demanding.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

WeeDo said:


> Most of the time, nothing. He just pecks me back, never make out with anymore. and wants to lay together. He works a very intense assembly job, so I know he's tired. And most nights I try not to bother him, but its like he just wants to have sex and be done with it.


Everybody's tired, hon. Me, you and the galley slaves. I don't know or really want to know what your sexual dynamic is like, but if you took a very dominant role, what would happen. What would happen if you just kept at him and didn't let him get away with 'I'm tired'. He wants to be a bottom? Ok, tie him up and ball gag him and tease him until he can't come any more. Then push him off the bed with your foot and tell him to get you a beer.

Or something like that.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

WeeDo said:


> My husband has always been that nerdy guy, he was never much of a player. And when it comes to initiating sex, I try to do it both ways. I try to hint at him throughout the day, and he just laughs it off. I try to tell him straight out, and he says I'm forceful and demanding.


Ignore what he says, push him down and mount him.


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

WeeDo said:


> *When I was first married, our sex life was great*. We didn't have sex too little, or too much. I've always been able to climax with my husband, even before we were married. But now it seems like something has changed. Sex has become something I hardly look forward to. I want him, but I feel like he doesn't want me. And believe me, its not for lack of trying. I try to be more forthcoming of what I want and he says I ask for sex too much. And on the other hand, I don't ask for it at all and he doesn't even seem bother. When we do finally get toward the act of having sex, he seems to only be into the sex and rarely give me what I need for stimulation.. Or for that matter, any sort of pleasure. Yes he turns me on, and I have no desire to leave him or find someone else, but the longer this continues I become more frustrated. The sex that we have is rushed and to the point, never more than 10 minutes including foreplay and cuddling afterward. Every time he finishes (though, rarely by my doing), but I'm left wanting more. And he seems not the least bit worried about whether I've actually reached climax or not. What do I do? How can I talk to my husband about this? Or is it me that needs to make changes?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So sex went from great to bad in one year. What else has changed in that one year? Maybe the problem lies there?


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## WeeDo (Jun 24, 2011)

A lot has changed, we separated for a total of 2 months. After which we had to downsize from our large apartment to a much smaller one.During our separation, I did sleep with someone else. He knows all of this, and swears he wants to work past it. but I know he hasn't forgotten yet. it wasn't soon after that this whole mess started. I took it upon myself to make sure he was sexually satisfied, and let my needs go to the way side. Now its like my needs don't matter.

I just wish I knew how to talk to him about it.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

So he's furious with you and wants you to suffer. What's your real question?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

WeeDo said:


> A lot has changed, we separated for a total of 2 months. After which we had to downsize from our large apartment to a much smaller one.During our separation, I did sleep with someone else. He knows all of this, and swears he wants to work past it. but I know he hasn't forgotten yet. it wasn't soon after that this whole mess started. I took it upon myself to make sure he was sexually satisfied, and let my needs go to the way side. Now its like my needs don't matter.
> 
> I just wish I knew how to talk to him about it.


Well, WeeDo, I think you have given the answer as to why he hasn't been so receptive - he hasn't forgotten about your dalliance. imho, if you guys want to work past this, you may need some outside help to do so, as it looks like you are truly spinning your wheels. Are you two receptive to going to marriage counseling together?


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## WeeDo (Jun 24, 2011)

I guess what I need to know is how do I talk to him about it? He do I bring up counciling? How do I bring up my issues with our sex life without him feeling attacked or angry?


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## reallyover? (Jun 21, 2011)

He probably has visuals of you with this other guy.....would drive me insane I know. Like someone I don't know and taking a bite out of my sandwich and putting back on my plate....I'd have to be pretty hungry to want to take the next bite. If this is the case...it will take time for him to get over it. On the upside, he is still there. He may need IC if this is the problem or a lot more time.


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

WeeDo said:


> I guess what I need to know is how do I talk to him about it? He do I bring up counciling? How do I bring up my issues with our sex life without him feeling attacked or angry?


tell him to make you cum before sex starts orally or manually and then next time tell him to make you cum before he does. 
I don't think its a big deal for a guy anyway.

My wife told me, she thinks she might not be cuming in bed. I was more then happy to hear that in a way since now we can work on it and move forward. Turns out she was cuming just not huge orgasms you see on TV. :smthumbup:


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