# Should I be concerned?



## Scrappycoco (Nov 23, 2021)

New here, first post.Married for 14years, together for 16. I'm 50, she's 39. 3 kids, 14, 10, 8. Last night we were at one of our kid's games, at the end of the game our youngest had to use the restroom. We were all milling about waiting when I noticed my wife glancing at a guy about 20 to 30 ft away. No big deal, guy is younger and fit, and I've caught myself appreciating beauty of women younger and fitter than my wife. Few moments later she decides we should all walk over towards this guy's area, and wait there. Hmmm. She's still stealing a glance or two, but is also trying acting nonchalant. The guy notices, catches my death glare, and looks away. Kid finally come out of the restroom and we all leave. My wife decides to do some sort of ass shaking dance as we pass the guy. Even my 14 year old is taken aback and asks WTH is mom doing. Before she answers, I say "Flirting". Immediate deer in the headlights from my wife. Since then, she's been doing all the things she normally does when she knows she's ****ed up. I'm not a prude, I understand that people look people they find atractive, I'm just concerned that this went a step further. I'm not going to walk over to the space that a woman i find attractive is occupying and start flexing my biceps. We haven't talked about this yet. Immediately after getting home I went on a run with a weighted back pack to burn off the adrenaline. I'm in great shape, good looking enough to have her "friend" proposition me, and a neighbour as well. I told her immediately after both this situations. I feel very disrespected at the moment. Am I over reacting? Should I be concerned that she's showing her ass off in that way? Help me out, please.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Scrappycoco said:


> New here, first post.Married for 14years, together for 16. I'm 50, she's 39. 3 kids, 14, 10, 8. Last night we were at one of our kid's games, at the end of the game our youngest had to use the restroom. We were all milling about waiting when I noticed my wife glancing at a guy about 20 to 30 ft away. No big deal, guy is younger and fit, and I've caught myself appreciating beauty of women younger and fitter than my wife. Few moments later she decides we should all walk over towards this guy's area, and wait there. Hmmm. She's still stealing a glance or two, but is also trying acting nonchalant. The guy notices, catches my death glare, and looks away. Kid finally come out of the restroom and we all leave. My wife decides to do some sort of ass shaking dance as we pass the guy. Even my 14 year old is taken aback and asks WTH is mom doing. Before she answers, I say "Flirting". Immediate deer in the headlights from my wife. Since then, she's been doing all the things she normally does when she knows she's ****ed up. I'm not a prude, I understand that people look people they find atractive, I'm just concerned that this went a step further. I'm not going to walk over to the space that a woman i find attractive is occupying and start flexing my biceps. We haven't talked about this yet. Immediately after getting home I went on a run with a weighted back pack to burn off the adrenaline. I'm in great shape, good looking enough to have her "friend" proposition me, and a neighbour as well. I told her immediately after both this situations. I feel very disrespected at the moment. Am I over reacting? Should I be concerned that she's showing her ass off in that way? Help me out, please.


How is the sex life?
It's easier to resist sexual temptation, if you're being kept satisfied at home.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I think your response was perfect. 

It is disrespectful, and she knows it, simply based on her initial reaction. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

You should be feeling very disrespected. This wasn't a glance to a "cute guy" this was a in your face presenting of herself to the dude telling him she was interested. You made the mistake of not getting to the bottom of it immediately. I tell you dude, had my wife done that to me in my face, I would had left her walking right there and them to find her own way home. If you rugweep this, you are giving her the green light to think that you're OK with this. FFS, so blatantly that your own kid noticed it. Screw that. You need to get to the bottom of this right now. Be a man, don't be afraid to speak up clearly and concisely about. Ask her if she loves you but not in love with you, or what. Ask her what gave her the idea or the green light to disrespect you so blatantly in front of your children. 

Remember you kid is watching, and expecting for something to happen. This is a teaching moment for a man to teach his children what disrespect is, what self-respect and dignity is. You can't just leave it like that. TEACH THEM about the repercussions of acts like that.


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## Scrappycoco (Nov 23, 2021)

Jonty30. I'm high drive, she's about medium. Average about 3 to 4 times a week, and I generally book us an overnight hotel room a boutique hotel about every month to month and a half(oldest child is our baby sitter and grandparents live a block away). She gets off at least once during our encounters, twice to thrice is the norm. So, I'd say pretty good? Oh, and we had two lunchtime encounters this week.


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

I don't think you are overreacting. If she does this right in front of you, what does she do when you are not around. I think you should be in the trust but verify mode.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Scrappycoco said:


> New here, first post.Married for 14years, together for 16. I'm 50, she's 39. 3 kids, 14, 10, 8. Last night we were at one of our kid's games, at the end of the game our youngest had to use the restroom. We were all milling about waiting when I noticed my wife glancing at a guy about 20 to 30 ft away. No big deal, guy is younger and fit, and I've caught myself appreciating beauty of women younger and fitter than my wife. Few moments later she decides we should all walk over towards this guy's area, and wait there. Hmmm. She's still stealing a glance or two, but is also trying acting nonchalant. The guy notices, catches my death glare, and looks away. Kid finally come out of the restroom and we all leave. My wife decides to do some sort of ass shaking dance as we pass the guy. Even my 14 year old is taken aback and asks WTH is mom doing. Before she answers, I say "Flirting". Immediate deer in the headlights from my wife. Since then, she's been doing all the things she normally does when she knows she's ****ed up. I'm not a prude, I understand that people look people they find atractive, I'm just concerned that this went a step further. I'm not going to walk over to the space that a woman i find attractive is occupying and start flexing my biceps. We haven't talked about this yet. Immediately after getting home I went on a run with a weighted back pack to burn off the adrenaline. I'm in great shape, good looking enough to have her "friend" proposition me, and a neighbour as well. I told her immediately after both this situations. I feel very disrespected at the moment. Am I over reacting? Should I be concerned that she's showing her ass off in that way? Help me out, please.


I agree with others, this was disrespectful behavior and your reaction was perfect.
Does it mean anything more? Hard to say at this point.

Are there any other red flag type things you've noticed?
I mean, has your relationship been pretty much the same or has it changed?
Maybe mid-life issues or wandering heart if she's feeling different about you?


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## Scrappycoco (Nov 23, 2021)

Rob_1, I hear you.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Scrappycoco said:


> Jonty30. I'm high drive, she's about medium. Average about 3 to 4 times a week, and I generally book us an overnight hotel room a boutique hotel about every month to month and a half(oldest child is our baby sitter and grandparents live a block away). She gets off at least once during our encounters, twice to thrice is the norm. So, I'd say pretty good? Oh, and we had two lunchtime encounters this week.


Then you're not overreacting. 
She should be in complete control of herself, if she is satisfied.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

So its ok for you to glance at other women ....

"I've caught myself myself appreciating beauty of women younger and fitter than my wife."

But its not okay for your wife to glance at another guy and you gave him a death stare? And her glancing and doing a booty shake upset you enough that you had to exercise to burn off adrenaline?


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## Dillinger (12 mo ago)

Talk it through with her.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Could elaborate on this "ass shaking dance"? What specifically did she do and was this other cat watching her do it?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Sounds to me like you handled it well enough. You instantly called her out and she got the point. Without any other red flags I’d say maybe a very short line or two while you have her on her hands and knees and a hand full of her hair (between the sheets) and call it done.

If she was twerking and backin’ it down obviously that would require a much different response.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Before this situation happened she thought you were dumb, blind, and oblivious.

Now, she knows different.
She is now embarrassed at her own behavior, which is good.

I attribute this to some sort of _Mid-Life Crisis _on her part, were her libido is starting to ramp-up.

My fear is that she already knows the guy. It seems odd that she displayed this flirting behavior to a complete stranger.
Yes, it does happen.


She will now be more discrete if she is on the hunt for an affair partner.

This could be a _one-off incident_, or not.

I suspect something is off with her.
Yes, it is concerning.

Keep silent, say nothing, and put your detective hat on. 

Look at her electronics, put a voice activated recorder in her car or where she does her phone calling.

This line of thought (wayward behavior and cheating) may be rubbish and not based on fact.
But, why take a chance?

Eyes and ears open, mouth shut.


_Nemesis-_


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

She was wrong and is completely to blame for the entire situation.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Not over reacting at all @Scrappycoco. A couple of questions could she know this guy? Is he there at most games or practices? Does your wife take your kid to practices by herself? I think you made your point. I would mention how oblivious she was for her kid to notice then keep a eye out. Best of luck!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I'm surprised some are latching on to his comment about noticing pretty women. That is pretty normal and if his wife looked at a handsome guy and was done then no big deal either. However, to go so far as to move to get closer to him then shake her ass around enough for her child to notice it appalling. Think of the lesson she just taught that child.

@Scrappycoco It is great you answered your child the way you did and even better that you wife heard it. It was the right response in the moment. However, you should have taken it deeper at the first opportunity you and your wife were alone. She would need to be explaining herself to me. She has to know she eff'ed up, even her 14 year old saw how badly she was behaving. The big question is, who is this guy? Is he someone she knows or runs into occasionally? If she is so bold that she overtly flirts in front of her kids and husband I can only imagine what she would do with no eyes on her.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I’m with @Rob_1 on that this was a very blatant disrespect. That even your daughter noticed tells you that you were not imagining the disrespectful behavior. 

I also agree with @QuietGuy . If she will act this way in front of you and the kids, how is she when she’s alone or with other women? 
Does she go out on GNO? If so, that would really concern me. 

For her to have the hots for this guy this badly, makes me think you need to be on the lookout. This guy noticed her but only turned away because he noticed that you were aware of the flirting but that doesn’t mean he won’t try to pursue her through someone that knows her. “Give _cougar on the prowl _my number.” You need to very strongly condemn her actions and let her know that you will not tolerate such disrespectful behavior.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

My wife has appreciated other men in the past and it's been no big deal for me. However, I think in your case that your wife crossed the line with the booty shake, and if your daughter noticed, you can bet that other people noticed it too. I think that you handled it perfectly, but I would also sit her down in private and tell her that she publicly disrespected you and you will not tolerate that. I agree with @Rob_1 that this is a teaching moment and that starts with your wife apologizing to your daughter for flirting with other men and telling her that this is not how people are to behave.


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

wow thats really missed up - doing it alone one thing but doing it in front of you is another. if she is doing this in front of you then what does she do when you are not there?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

We have all noticed people that we find attractive but this was way more than that. Not just for the booty shaking and woohoo look at me hollering. She actually moved closer to the guy to get his eyes on her. She was so enamored of this guy that she didn’t notice that her husband was on to her behavior. 

Now the question is, how long has her pursuit been going on. Was she making advances in the recent past that were minor so she decided to take it up a notch to make sure he really got the message? That he was checking her out, means he got the message loud and clear.

Don’t let your wife acting sheepishly, lure you to sleep. A wife willing to flirt so blatantly in front of her husband, kids, and other parents has the hots for this guy and may not be so quick to give up, especially after she finally got his attention. And make no mistake about it, your wife is now on this dude’s radar.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

I'm on the band wagon with many others.
Noticing beauty in others and appreciating it is one thing.

OP's description of events looks like the wife went overboard with her admiration & attention seeking.

In every case though, appreciating or admiring another person shouldn't make your partner uneasy or it's gone too far.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

There are two crowds here:

Those that say, _immediately confront and clear the air_, and those that say, _sit back and observe._
Find out where your marriage is really at.

Which of these responses you choose, is up to you.

My opinion is that you have already cleared the air, with your _"Mom is flirting"_ comment.

She has been exposed for her disrespectful actions.

Let us see if she has realized her bad behavior and never goes down that path again.

A spouse should not ever need to correct his other half on that faithful behavior.

Either you are in the marriage, or you are not.

That is why I recommend monitoring her behavior going forward.

Who wants to stay with someone who has a (overly/overtly) hungry eye for others?
This needs to be determined without any pressure applied.

If you apply pressure to a wayward spouse, it is likely, your response (alone), that keeps them straight.

Your response and not their own desire to stay loyal.

Who wants that?

A responsible person does not taint or hang themselves.
This is not a mistake on her part.



_Nemesis-_


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

The ass shaking is her signal to him that she’s interested.
Also a signal to you, that she’s open to trading you in.

As others have said, what would she have done if you weren’t there, if she behaved that way in your presence, and in the presence of your kids.

I wonder if she’s ovulating.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

OP your wife has her ass in the store window and she’s open to offers. The fact that she was so blatant about flirting with the other guy tells me it’s not her first rodeo.


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## Scrappycoco (Nov 23, 2021)

Thanks to everyone that gave a thoughtful and measured response. To clear a few thing up. I'm pretty sure none of the kids saw the whole thing go down. One was in the restroom, the teenager was buried in her phone, and the middle kid was staring into space recovering from the sporting event. The teen was engaged in conversation with my wife as we were leaving, that's when my wife did the little ass wiggle(like a seductive dance move while walking is the best i can come up with, definitely not twerking) My daughter asked her what was up because it was very uncharacteristic. As far as her looking at other guys, I have no problem it. It's when it crosses the line to more than just a look. Also, I'm not some heel that ogles at women in her presence or otherwise.I never said I find other women more attractive than my wife. Trust me, my wife checks off all of my boxes. I was trying to sympathise with the fact that people will look at other people from time to time when I explained that I can appreciate the beauty in others, I've done it, she's done it, you've done it. Anyways, I will be observing closely from now on.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I’m glad to see you’re awake and hopefully your wife notices that you’re awake too. You said you went out for a run after getting home, did your wife come to you when you got back? How was the mood for the rest of the evening? 

You mentioned that you’re fit. VERY GOOD. With a wife that is 13 years younger, you need to make sure that is always the case. It’s so easy to allow married/parent life to get comfortable and not make an effort. That doesn’t sound like the case here but just want to advise that you keep yourself in fighting shape. Not to have fist fights but that your wife and any interlopers can visibly see that she’s married to a man.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Scrappycoco said:


> Thanks to everyone that gave a thoughtful and measured response. To clear a few thing up. I'm pretty sure none of the kids saw the whole thing go down. One was in the restroom, the teenager was buried in her phone, and the middle kid was staring into space recovering from the sporting event. The teen was engaged in conversation with my wife as we were leaving, that's when my wife did the little ass wiggle(like a seductive dance move while walking is the best i can come up with, definitely not twerking) My daughter asked her what was up because it was very uncharacteristic. As far as her looking at other guys, I have no problem it. It's when it crosses the line to more than just a look. Also, I'm not some heel that ogles at women in her presence or otherwise.I never said I find other women more attractive than my wife. Trust me, my wife checks off all of my boxes. I was trying to sympathise with the fact that people will look at other people from time to time when I explained that I can appreciate the beauty in others, I've done it, she's done it, you've done it. Anyways, I will be observing closely from now on.


Just curious about something. You joined this site back in November, but this event occurred last night. What brought you to TAM?


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## Scrappycoco (Nov 23, 2021)

BidDaddyNY, the Family and Parenting forum. We have a teenager who was going through some rough adjustments in a new school. She's all good now, back to straight A's and no more outward signs of depression.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Scrappycoco said:


> I will be observing closely from now on.


@Scrappycoco this is the time when you switch to "Trust But Verify" mode!
It's obvious from her age that she is entering the _Mid-Life Crisis_ danger zone!
If you read enough here on the infidelity section and brows through the history you will see first hand what some women will do when they enter this danger zone!
So don't be shy or embarrassed to snoop on her phone or put a GPS tracker in her car!
As I said this is the time where you switch to "Trust But Verify" mode!
You don't want to end up in the "Coping with Infidelity" section, it's heart breaking what you read there!


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

I'm sort of doubting that the wife has acted on anything (yet).
It's just a hunch based on description of events and her reactions. Could be way off of course.

But I agree with others...eyes wide open OP!

She's starting down that road for sure by seeking attention / flirting like she did. And so brazen about it! wow.

Best of luck to you OP, I hope this all passes without any further fanfare.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> So its ok for you to glance at other women ....
> 
> "I've caught myself myself appreciating beauty of women younger and fitter than my wife."
> 
> But its not okay for your wife to glance at another guy and you gave him a death stare? And her glancing and doing a booty shake upset you enough that you had to exercise to burn off adrenaline?


She didn't just glance, she deliberately went to where he was and flirted.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Diana7 said:


> She didn't just glance, she deliberately went to where he was and flirted.


Taking that into consideration, you are correct. She did take it a step too far. 

Whether you are male or female, and are in a marriage that is near perfection. We are all guilty of noticing someone who is physically attractive. What matters is what you do after noticing the other person.


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## Scrappycoco (Nov 23, 2021)

jsmart. Agreed 100%. I'm ex military with a Meritorious Unit Commendation, worked on my dad's commercial fishing boat to augment my GI Bill money for college, I later worked in a predominantly male industry where i had the respect of all my peers. I've got my ass kicked a few times, Ive kicked a few asses. I have a martial arts background. I've got a vibe that I can back up. I'm in decent shape now, was off for 2 months with a minor shoulder injury(friend's back yard + 50cc bike, tequila, my stupid ass, and a ramp), but currently getting back in the swing of things. Yoga 2 times a week, cardio 3 times a week, weights 5 days


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

No, you are by no means overreacting. What you experienced was your wife letting another man know she was interested in him. What the hell was your wife thinking?

What type of impression did this make on your daughter....not a good one, eh? She is supposed to be an example for your daughter to follow.Hmm.

Are your sure she does not know this fellow? Does she interact with him when she is at practice when you are not there? It makes me wonder if she has not done the “shake your booty” routine with other men present to garner attention.

This behavior can be summed up in one word UNACCEPTABLE. You need express this to her.

Now, if she is in need of attention to this extent, you may want to consider snooping her phone, computer, ipad, and placing a VAR in her vehicle. Something is amiss here my good man.

My wife I know looks and so do I. Hell, it is the way the Good Lord made us. Nothing wrong with looking at the menu as long as you do not sample it.

I would recommend if you have not you sit down and discuss this with her. Try a different tact (mind game to trip her up) by printing out numerous meaningless papers thumbing through it like it is something salacious and ask her if she would like to tell her what you have discovered or will you tell me in your own words what I have recovered from our computer? See what her reaction is.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

I have another perhaps extreme example of this.. the late Mac Davis was playing golf at the country club my parents belonged to when I was a teenager. I remember my mom and her friends out in the heat on the course dressed to the nines hoping to get his autograph. My dad and his pals just laughed at this. I did too as Mom had mascara running everywhere due to the heat LOL. She and her friends did get his autograph that afternoon.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Scrappycoco said:


> New here, first post.Married for 14years, together for 16. I'm 50, she's 39. 3 kids, 14, 10, 8. Last night we were at one of our kid's games, at the end of the game our youngest had to use the restroom. We were all milling about waiting when I noticed my wife glancing at a guy about 20 to 30 ft away. No big deal, guy is younger and fit, and I've caught myself appreciating beauty of women younger and fitter than my wife. Few moments later she decides we should all walk over towards this guy's area, and wait there. Hmmm. She's still stealing a glance or two, but is also trying acting nonchalant. The guy notices, catches my death glare, and looks away. Kid finally come out of the restroom and we all leave. My wife decides to do some sort of ass shaking dance as we pass the guy. Even my 14 year old is taken aback and asks WTH is mom doing. Before she answers, I say "Flirting". Immediate deer in the headlights from my wife. Since then, she's been doing all the things she normally does when she knows she's ****ed up. I'm not a prude, I understand that people look people they find atractive, I'm just concerned that this went a step further. I'm not going to walk over to the space that a woman i find attractive is occupying and start flexing my biceps. We haven't talked about this yet. Immediately after getting home I went on a run with a weighted back pack to burn off the adrenaline. I'm in great shape, good looking enough to have her "friend" proposition me, and a neighbour as well. I told her immediately after both this situations. I feel very disrespected at the moment. Am I over reacting? Should I be concerned that she's showing her ass off in that way? Help me out, please.


I think you did good. I might tell her you are going out one night and don't tell her anything else. Make her think about how she is acting. Make her bring it up, don't show weakness.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

What your wife did was unacceptable, and 100x worse because she did it in front of your kids.

What I don't understand, is why you gave the poor man the death glare and not your wife?


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Wow your wife acted desperate. Does she have no self respect? Does she not respect you or her child? Embarrassing her child like that is just so disrespectful.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

frusdil said:


> What your wife did was unacceptable, and 100x worse because she did it in front of your kids.
> 
> What I don't understand, is *why you gave the poor man the death glare and not your wife?*


Sure, that glare for her.

The jury is out whether that (OM) is prior-involved with OP's wife.
We do not know yet.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

Scrappycoco said:


> New here, first post.Married for 14years, together for 16. I'm 50, she's 39. 3 kids, 14, 10, 8. Last night we were at one of our kid's games, at the end of the game our youngest had to use the restroom. We were all milling about waiting when I noticed my wife glancing at a guy about 20 to 30 ft away. No big deal, guy is younger and fit, and I've caught myself


Being concerned, yes. What you can do about any of it, depends on the quality of her build. Maybe you could flat out accuse her of cheating and see what she has to say? I suspect I would be thinking about the fit difference. Once a book I was reading presented the justified position that a woman doesn't have to take her man seriously once he is out of shape and it made me think I had to resist that lie. A few years of angst...still going today


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## ThreeHundo (Sep 20, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> So its ok for you to glance at other women ....
> 
> "I've caught myself myself appreciating beauty of women younger and fitter than my wife."
> 
> But its not okay for your wife to glance at another guy and you gave him a death stare? And her glancing and doing a booty shake upset you enough that you had to exercise to burn off adrenaline?


yeah, keep acting like you don't see the difference. jeez.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

So you’re confident a friend likes you, and a neighbour, appreciate the beauty of women… hmm.

Been talking that up with your wife?

Which came first? (Was your wife getting you back?)

It seems like there is one set of rules for you, and a simmering of violence and entitlement under the surface when she engages in the same behaviour 🤷🏻‍♀️


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

My tolerance for this would be low. I think I’d just ask her what was up and if something is wrong.

I did this to my wife yesterday when she exhibited behavior I didn’t understand. Instead of asking her why she did something I just asked her if she was ok. It threw her off big time and she wasn’t able to answer really.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Is your wife happy in the marriage? This is a worrying sign....


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This whole thread is striking me odd and seems to have a piece or two of the puzzle missing. 

Has she ever acted this way before? Is she an attention seeker? Is she flirtatious with other men? Does anyone know this guy? Was this Ryan Gosling or something? Were other chicks flirting him up? Was he giving her the eye or doing anything to catch her attentions? How close to him was she when she did this dance? Did he see it? What was his reaction? Have you ever had any concerns with her fidelity before? Has she had any concerns of your fidelity?


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## ThreeHundo (Sep 20, 2021)

It's almost as if these folks trying to get their digs in on OP didn't actually read what he wrote. How is it folks can't see the difference in noticing a pretty woman vs. noticing a handsome dude, making googly eyes at him, getting into his space and then shaking your ass for his benefit RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR SPOUSE? There's a damn difference you people know it. Get over yourselves.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

She was VERY wrong for acting that way in front of her daughter, and in public. She is completely to blame.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

ThreeHundo said:


> It's almost as if these folks trying to get their digs in on OP didn't actually read what he wrote. How is it folks can't see the difference in noticing a pretty woman vs. noticing a handsome dude, making googly eyes at him, getting into his space and then shaking your ass for his benefit RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR SPOUSE? There's a damn difference you people know it. Get over yourselves.


It's the sisterhood my friend!
They are justifying what the wife of the OP's did, even though they publicly deny it


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Kaliber said:


> It's the sisterhood my friend!
> They are justifying what the wife of the OP's did, even though they publicly deny it


No no, just noticed he mentioned how hot stuff he is and how all these women are interested. So I made the assumption that the wife’s gesture was really sarcastic maybe. You know, like imitating him when he things all these women are eyeing off his physique


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

OP,
If she’d shake her butt in front of you abd the kids, what in the world would she do without eyes on her?

yes, my trust would be shattered.

I’ve appreciated a beautiful woman when married. The bird lit on my shoulder but I didn’t let it build a nest. Your wife put birdseed on her shoulder and begged it to build a nest. Terrible.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

The wife is completely to blame for the entire thing and the husband has done nothing wrong.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> If she's in her 40s (if I'm remembering correctly) and he's had all these other women "interested" in him, I'm guessing he's had one foot out the door for 5-7 years. He obviously no longer finds his wife attractive and thinks he can do better. If he's been looking for a reason to leave/cheat, she just gave him one. That she gave him a reason could mean she is also about done with being treated disrespectfully in public (and private too, I'd guess). Sometimes when a marriage goes south, especially when the man no longer finds the wife attractive because of her age or vice versa (something no one can help, everyone ages and it's no one's fault), both people will angle to be the "victim" in the divorce. Neither wants to pull the plug and be "the bad guy." So he is running around gawking and flirting with younger women, now she's doing it back, and it's a game of one-up with their children caught in the middle. Sometimes divorce is the best option, one of them needs to take that first step.


What _planet_ did you get this from?

Certainly not from the OP.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Tex, I think you’re making a lot of assumptions about the OP that don’t match what he has shared. His wife is 39 and he’s 50. He said his wife checks off all of his boxes, which means, in his eyes, she’s all that and a bag of chips. Does that mean he doesn’t notice an attractive woman that he may see in his work or social circle? No. Taking note of a woman that appears to be into you, doesn’t mean he’s going to pursue anything.

I’m sure that even though Mr Tex is the man you love and the only man who gets to have you, that there must have been an occasional guy that you see or interact with that makes you go, “damn” and gets you all tingly. I’m also sure that your gut has gone off when you notice a guy that is being more than just friendly. I know you women can sense our eyes on your goods, even when we think we’re being discreet. but just because you know in your gut that a guy is into you, doesn’t mean that all of a sudden you think less of Mr Tex. At least I hope not.
I’m sure that it just makes you feel good to know, “yea, I still got it.”


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Scrappycoco said:


> Jonty30. I'm high drive, she's about medium. Average about 3 to 4 times a week, and I generally book us an overnight hotel room a boutique hotel about every month to month and a half(oldest child is our baby sitter and grandparents live a block away). She gets off at least once during our encounters, twice to thrice is the norm. So, I'd say pretty good? Oh, and we had two lunchtime encounters this week.


Your wife's actions are honestly insanity. She is getting all she wants at home and still flirting with other dudes at a damn little league game?!? I mean she knows you would have no problem drawing other women, like if she don't want you there are tons of others who will. I assume you can just tell her how the cow ate the cabbage and if she pulls that crap ever again you go find an attorney. If she is shaking her a$$ to random men, she is looking to attract one, and will find an interested one sooner rather than later. Maybe has had some practice that worked already.



Scrappycoco said:


> Am I over reacting? Should I be concerned that she's showing her ass off in that way? Help me out, please.


No you are NOT! Any normal husband would be so pist they wouldn't be able to control their temper. If my wife had EVER done such a thing, that would have been a firing offense! She could shake her ass to whoever and she wouldn't be married to me. Full STOP.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

OP, our friend.
Not at all because she found another man to be attractive. But cos what she factually did about it....
You MAY not divorce her for the sake your kids.
But given what happended that should be the solely reason and a sad one.
If so, do not forget to let her know this.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I am curious as to how this all shakes out.

Will the marriage suffer a quick, and quivering death, or will it tweak away, a wandering eye at a time, a slow break-dance down.

..........................................................................................

@Scrappycoco, what are your plans going forward?



_Lilith-_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Scrappycoco said:


> New here, first post.Married for 14years, together for 16. I'm 50, she's 39. 3 kids, 14, 10, 8. Last night we were at one of our kid's games, at the end of the game our youngest had to use the restroom. We were all milling about waiting when I noticed my wife glancing at a guy about 20 to 30 ft away. No big deal, guy is younger and fit, and I've caught myself appreciating beauty of women younger and fitter than my wife. Few moments later she decides we should all walk over towards this guy's area, and wait there. Hmmm. She's still stealing a glance or two, but is also trying acting nonchalant. The guy notices, catches my death glare, and looks away. Kid finally come out of the restroom and we all leave. My wife decides to do some sort of ass shaking dance as we pass the guy. Even my 14 year old is taken aback and asks WTH is mom doing. Before she answers, I say "Flirting". Immediate deer in the headlights from my wife. Since then, she's been doing all the things she normally does when she knows she's ****ed up. I'm not a prude, I understand that people look people they find atractive, I'm just concerned that this went a step further. I'm not going to walk over to the space that a woman i find attractive is occupying and start flexing my biceps. We haven't talked about this yet. Immediately after getting home I went on a run with a weighted back pack to burn off the adrenaline. I'm in great shape, good looking enough to have her "friend" proposition me, and a neighbour as well. I told her immediately after both this situations. I feel very disrespected at the moment. Am I over reacting? Should I be concerned that she's showing her ass off in that way? Help me out, please.



There’s “just looking” and there’s _beckoning_.

This was the latter.

Pretty disrespectful, IMO. Had she been drinking at all?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> If she's in her 40s (if I'm remembering correctly) and he's had all these other women "interested" in him, I'm guessing he's had one foot out the door for 5-7 years. He obviously no longer finds his wife attractive and thinks he can do better. If he's been looking for a reason to leave/cheat, she just gave him one. That she gave him a reason could mean she is also about done with being treated disrespectfully in public (and private too, I'd guess). Sometimes when a marriage goes south, especially when the man no longer finds the wife attractive because of her age or vice versa (something no one can help, everyone ages and it's no one's fault), both people will angle to be the "victim" in the divorce. Neither wants to pull the plug and be "the bad guy." So he is running around gawking and flirting with younger women, now she's doing it back, and it's a game of one-up with their children caught in the middle. Sometimes divorce is the best option, one of them needs to take that first step.


*Moderator note:- *Please. No more pointless extrapolations based on no evidence.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Scrappycoco said:



The guy notices, catches my death glare, and looks away.

Click to expand...

*So why did you give the *GUY* a death glare? You just made yourself look pitiful and insecure about being older than the two of them.

Seems to me the one who *needed* the death glare was your WIFE. She's the one who acted like a damned fool, desperate to get the guy's attention.

That's quite the catch you've got there.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

ThreeHundo said:


> _*It's almost as if these folks trying to get their digs in on OP didn't actually read what he wrote. How is it folks can't see the difference in noticing a pretty woman vs. noticing a handsome dude, making googly eyes at him, getting into his space and then shaking your ass for his benefit RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR SPOUSE? There's a damn difference you people know it. Get over yourselves.*_



I'm with you and agree 100%.

As I said, she's quite the catch.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Ref: Scrappy's wife....
.................................................

Haughty is, as naughty does!

It was that irrepressible carnality, sent bubbling forth.


_The Typist- _ from his notes.

...............................................

The question becomes, _"Why now, why there, and with that particular dude?"

............................................._

I see OP's wife as having (had) some mental oddity (crisis?) revealed.
Could it be that *some resentment had reached a peak* and spilled out in that instance.
A few ladies already posted this (the feminine cabal, no less!).

Yes, it could be, simply, an immature act. 
If this were the case, her immaturity would always have 'been there', and not a 'one off'.

Scrappy, think back, is this sort of behavior 'out of character' for your wife?
Has she acted inappropriately in the past?

If not the case, could it be alcohol or drug related?

Or, a slipping, a mental breakdown?
Or, that dratted Mid-Life-Crisis.

Many TAMMER's do not believe in MLC's.

Short sighted, this opinion is....they exist, for many, especially those whose charts portend (these).
Like clockwork, they appear.
Yes.



_Nemesis-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm with you and agree 100%.
> 
> As I said, she's quite the catch.


We all agree that her behavior was off the charts.

We have to determine the root cause.
No nuanced, equivocal, or moot causes considered.

_Why-Oh-Why_ would a dear wife act, thus?

If she has shaken off her fidelity, she needs to go.



_King Brian-_


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

frusdil said:


> What I don't understand, is why you gave the poor man the death glare and not your wife?





SunCMars said:


> Sure, that glare for her.





She'sStillGotIt said:


> So why did you give the *GUY* a death glare? You just made yourself look pitiful and insecure about being older than the two of them.
> Seems to me the one who *needed* the death glare was your WIFE. She's the one who acted like a damned fool, desperate to get the guy's attention.


Right obsevations IF based in one-on-one interactions and individual behaviours legal-like frame (who is or not in fault). IMO ovelooking the whole (all on board) social situation.
What was in her individual mind / intentions? A quite less important consideration than what she factually "said" and probably was "undestood" by all involved, includding the other man but not only by him.
She sent a strong signal to another man ("I´m interested in your attention AND I´m free to do it AND my husband here haves no right to say a word about").
So the OP had more than one front where / to whom do something about.
To his kids, his answer to his daughter´s question.
Same answer told his wife that he got aware of what happened and don´t find it acceptable, just a first step.
He may later and IMO should make materially true what she acted as if a playfull power game: to sent her free to do it as a single woman. 
And.......about his death glare to the other man.
He also sent a signal to him with a man to man code free advice: you may understand her signal and missunderstand what may happen if you follow her invitation. Don´t get in trouble and spare me the same.
In the hipothetical place of that other guy I would feel grateful for that non verbal message.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

If she acted like that with you present, then you need to consider what she does when you're not around.

I think she's playing with fire because parents with kids cross paths again. She's likely to see him again.

By taking the initiative and going out of her way to get his attention in front of her family, the OM was left with the understanding that she's receptive to him approaching her the next time. 

IMO it's not about whether she's getting enough sex or attention or compliments from you. She (as anyone married for years) will always get a bigger thrill from other guy's. No spouse can not win.

First, it's not something that you (or any spouse) can compete with - nor should you have to. The familiar reliable family van can never compete with the new thrilling sports car. 

Harmless flirting is harmless until it escalates. Right now in her mind it's harmless. She's not looking for an affair and feels totally in control of herself. 

Unfortunately, she set the stage for the OM to approach her the next time. 

Flirting is harmless but can escalate especially if someone becomes/is vulnerable (mid life crisis, feeling invisible as a woman, ...the list is endless). However most of us get through the aging process without cheating.

What to do? I think you should become more aware of what your wife is doing and with who.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

in my (somewhat limited experience) there are two types of flirts. 
1) those that like the attention of men, but would not let you get to first base.
and
2) those who flirt because they are horny and want to get laid as soon as possible.

so rather than generalize about this woman flirting, the question is: is the a type 2) person? Otherwise, it is relatively innocuous behavior


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

When's the last time OP was back to comment?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

It is not something I would do whether married or single as I value myself. I think this kind of behavior devalues a person. However, some of my lady friends would do just this and those who are married are cheaters. They love attention from other men just like some married men seek other women for attention. I would be concerned of her behavior when you are not around.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> in my (somewhat limited experience) there are two types of flirts.
> 1) those that like the attention of men, but would not let you get to first base.
> and
> 2) those who flirt because they are horny and want to get laid as soon as possible.
> ...


Two types, yes.
That done when you are in a relationship should converge in the same result.
An also innocuous divorce or an innocuous forever end if not married.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Livvie said:


> When's the last time OP was back to comment?


Yeah, why is that?
How dare he!

Well, this is the weekend, he may be busy with his family.

Nonetheless it leaves the rest of us with our thumbs and thoughts twirling.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’m thinking there’s been some bait put out there since OP hasn’t been back.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> I’m thinking there’s been some bait put out there since OP hasn’t been back.


I’m hoping he’s a guy that only checks at work M-F, ‘cause I’m really curious how this turns out.

My hunch is that this is nothing serious (like EA/PA) yet, but she’s got issues and has started down the slippery slope of seeking validation from others.

But given the description, that could easily be way off and this is an iceberg.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Robert22205 said:


> If she acted like that with you present, then you need to consider what she does when you're not around.


i was thinking the exact opposite. since she flirts when you are there, she is probably just doing it for the titilation and NOT being serious about it. otherwise she would wait until you were somewhere else.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> My hunch is that this is nothing serious (like EA/PA) yet, but she’s got issues and *has started down the slippery slope of seeking validation from others.*


now there is something worth exploring. does she have body image issues? 
has the OP done things to convince her thta she still has a sexy body, and still makes him horny? 
Does he buy her lingerie, flowers, get hard when she flirts with him, have trouble keeping his hands off of her? 

a woman who knows her husband is horny for her all the time would not need to get positive re-inforcement from a stranger!


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Scrappycoco said:


> Am I over reacting? Should I be concerned that she's showing her ass off in that way? Help me out, please.


You haven't really done anything so no I don't think you are overreacting. You should be concerned but not overly so. Be vigilant. 

Your wife knows she's busted & that her conduct was way out of line. She seems contrite. 

Let's see what happens the next time you see the man in question at a kids' game or out in town. If it never happens again, let it go because like you acknowledge everyone looks, even you. 

If doing nothing doesn't feel right to you, ask her what that was all about. In that discussion acknowledge harmless looking but ask about everything else. Ask what she needs to feel attractive, appreciated & loved in your marriage. Give that to her unless it's unreasonable.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Maybe it got so hot she had to shake it to cool it off.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> now there is something worth exploring. does she have body image issues?
> has the OP done things to convince her thta she still has a sexy body, and still makes him horny?
> Does he buy her lingerie, flowers, get hard when she flirts with him, have trouble keeping his hands off of her?
> 
> a woman who knows her husband is horny for her all the time would not need to get positive re-inforcement from a stranger!


Seriously? You're going to put some of this on the OP???? What the actual F.

So if he doesn't "buy her lingerie, flowers, get hard when she flirts with him (side note: older men often need more than a simple FLIRTING to get hard, geez), and has trouble keeping his hands off her" some of this incredibly crass and disgusting ass shaking at another man at a public function with children is on HIM?????

Yuck. Wow.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> now there is something worth exploring. does she have body image issues?
> has the OP done things to convince her thta she still has a sexy body, and still makes him horny?
> Does he buy her lingerie, flowers, get hard when she flirts with him, have trouble keeping his hands off of her?
> 
> a woman who knows her husband is horny for her all the time would not need to get positive re-inforcement from a stranger!


There was a very long thread on here by a young Barby who was married to Ken. Ken did her well and often and was very adequate as far as she was concerned. She STILL got with an old friend who she testified was vastly inferior sexually to Ken. In fact SHE seduced the friend and they spent so much time with one another shen she got pregnant with twins she thought her AP was the father. 

So, I think this idea of the husband having to demonstrate he is "into" her is bogus. If she likes the adventure of seeking out strange, it matters not what her husband is doing. A cheater does what they do because they WANT to.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> There was a very long thread on here by a young Barby who was married to Ken. Ken did her well and often and was very adequate as far as she was concerned. She STILL got with an old friend who she testified was vastly inferior sexually to Ken. In fact SHE seduced the friend and they spent so much time with one another shen she got pregnant with twins she thought her AP was the father.
> 
> So, I think this idea of the husband having to demonstrate he is "into" her is bogus. If she likes the adventure of seeking out strange, it matters not what her husband is doing. A cheater does what they do because they WANT to.


Of course it's bogus. It's blaming the person who got cheated on. 

If you don't like how your husband is treating you, try to fix it or get divorced but cheating in ON THE CHEATER and no one else.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> i was thinking the exact opposite. since she flirts when you are there, she is probably just doing it for the titilation and NOT being serious about it. otherwise she would wait until you were somewhere else.


There is no evidence that she doesn't do it without his presence.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> There was a very long thread on here by a young Barby who was married to Ken. Ken did her well and often and was very adequate as far as she was concerned. She STILL got with an old friend who she testified was vastly inferior sexually to Ken. In fact SHE seduced the friend and they spent so much time with one another shen she got pregnant with twins she thought her AP was the father.
> 
> So, I think this idea of the husband having to demonstrate he is "into" her is bogus. If she likes the adventure of seeking out strange, it matters not what her husband is doing. A cheater does what they do because they WANT to.


Woah, wait a second Tex.
You are citing ONE INSTANCE where a well attended to wife still went off looking for strange.

That does not prove that LOTS OF WOMEN want to go off getting cheating sex even though their hubby is very attentive, supportive, and still thinks she is hot. I bet MOST women, especially 45+ in age, would be quite contented with that. quite contented indeed.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

While I may agree on what a man should make her partner feel and anyhow....



Talker67 said:


> a woman who knows her husband is horny for her all the time would not need to get positive re-inforcement from a stranger!


Let me make a small contribution to your post.

"a woman who knows her husband is horny for her all the time would _*should *_not need to get positive re-inforcement from a stranger!"

And may be another one may not hurt.

"a man who knows his wife is horny for him all the time would _*should *_not need to get positive re-inforcement from a stranger!"

And still s**t happens...a lot


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> Woah, wait a second Tex.
> You are citing ONE INSTANCE where a well attended to wife still went off looking for strange.
> 
> That does not prove that LOTS OF WOMEN want to go off getting cheating sex even though their hubby is very attentive, supportive, and still thinks she is hot. I bet MOST women, especially 45+ in age, would be quite contented with that. quite contented indeed.


Well actually, the forum has several recent threads about happy marriages that still has cheating because: Cheaters cheat. Judging by statistics and life experience, there are a LOT of them. 
VR’s wife got the hits for her trainer and banged him in hotels and caught his std from his diseased wanger, which she admitted to her BFF was not so large or fun compared to her husband who was devoted and thought she was gorgeous and let her know it regularly.

So my opinion is it happens a lot. Sadly.

The OP is wise to be concerned.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> Woah, wait a second Tex.
> You are citing ONE INSTANCE where a well attended to wife still went off looking for strange.
> 
> That does not prove that LOTS OF WOMEN want to go off getting cheating sex even though their hubby is very attentive, supportive, and still thinks she is hot. I bet MOST women, especially 45+ in age, would be quite contented with that. quite contented indeed.


A person's need for validation should, in best cases with healthy people, come from internally.
External validation is nice but should not be something that drives your behavior, unless it's specifically for your spouse. ie... H says "you look great in Red", so you buy red dresses.

The real source should come from your own self-confidence and trust in yourself and your spouse/marriage/family.

Unfortunately, a lot of broken people search for validation externally. In that case it often doesn't even matter what the spouse does. Broken people are broken.
Can a spouse push you away and open the door for someone else? Sure. But only broken people will go through that door.

source: I was broken before I wasn't.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> Woah, wait a second Tex.
> You are citing ONE INSTANCE where a well attended to wife still went off looking for strange.
> 
> That does not prove that LOTS OF WOMEN want to go off getting cheating sex even though their hubby is very attentive, supportive, and still thinks she is hot. I bet MOST women, especially 45+ in age, would be quite contented with that. quite contented indeed.


Tex? I think you have wrong person.


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