# My parents hate my husband



## Mimi10

My husband grew up in a verbally abusive environment and currently doesn't speak to his own mother. My parents have never really like my husband because of his actions and his disrespect towards them. We have a 8 month old beautiful baby girl whom has been watched by my mother. On a side note; she is being payed because of her financial problems. My father has never warmed up to my husband, even prior to our marriage. My dad has made some mistakes recently( drinking) that have caused us to be worried about him watching the baby alone. My husband decided to really lay it into him one day in front of my mom and I. It was very disrespectful and meanspirited. My husband refuses to appologise to my Dad but was willing to appologise to my mother. Just today, my husband yelled at my mom for being late to babysitting our daughter. My mother now has chosen to separate herself from my husband and I's life and shes hurt that I chose to marry this guy. I feel so torn between choosing my family or my husband. Growing up, I never disrespected my parents and I feel like I am by being with my husband. I don't believe in divorce being the first option. I feel very alone without my parents support. I don't know what to do. Currently I am talking to a counceler.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl

You need to put your husband in check. I'm not usually a fan of doing that, but his disrespect is probably fueled from his childhood and not your parents.

Don't let him abuse your parents.


----------



## anotherguy

Its hard to see what the biggest issue is here. 

I admit - I probably dont see a big problem if you husband gave your father a verbal lashing about drinking and watching the kids as long as he was being rational. I say there should be no tolerance whatsoever with that. None. 'Mistakes' of this kind are 'one strike and you are out'... until you proove to me you can be trusted.

However - this seems to go beyond 'just' that. 'Yelling' because your mom was late also tells me he has a hard time controlling himself. Is this why your parents dislike him? Is he violent or abusive?

It is a difficult position to feel like you have to choose between your spouse and your parents. Since it has gotten far enough that your mother has already disengaged the damage has been done... it would have been better if it had been short-circuited before that point. It may take time to get that fixed.

First off - I think you need to demonstrate to your hustband that you are on his side (are you?) and that your family (you, him, the baby) comes first. Secondly - you need to make him understand that you cant so easily discard your parents and try to work through it. Finally - he should try to show some respect your parents. There is a difference between angry disagreement and disrespect. For example name calling, threats and screaming just dont help in any way.

Someone is wrong here. Are your parents untrustworthy or is your husband over reacting and abusive? Is it some of both?

What does your councillor say? Obviously he/she has more information on the situation than anyone on this thread does.


----------



## DanF

I don't have kids, but do have a few adult nieces and nephews that I love like they are mine, so I think that I can relate to this.
If any of my nieces or nephews or their spouses had an issue with how I act with their kids, they are free to speak with me about it respectfully. They are not free to yell, lash out or disrespect me.

If I EVER found out that one of my nieces or nephews or a spouse yelled at my wife, there would be Hell to pay.

There is and always should be respect for one's elders. That does not mean that your Dad or Mom has an automatic green light on everything, but you DO NOT yell, talk down to, or disrespect your parents or parent-in-laws.

Your husband needs to learn that or your parents will never like them. He also needs to apologize and MEAN IT.


----------



## Mimi10

Sorry I was lacking in my information, there just seems like so much to be said. My husband can be verbally abusive, but he has never been physically abusive. He called my father names during their argument. Also he mentioned that he couldn't accept my father's apology because it wasn't sincere enough. This made me feel very sick inside. I believe in forgiveness in all situations. My husband does feel as though I don't put him and the baby first. Thanks for the reply, I am very grateful
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## effess

I'm normally an advocate of taking your spouse's side. 
However, that is all predicated on that your spouse treats your parents with respect. If he loved you, he shouldn't put you in the middle. Now, to be fair, I'd be upset by your father's drinking problems as well. And I wouldn't allow him around my child alone. But as long as you are doing your part in protecting your daughter and ensuring if you do allow your parents to babysit, they are being responsible, it is not your husband's place to yell at your parents.
My wife and I _try_ and keep a rule. I deal with my family and she deals with hers when it comes to "issues". And we always stand by each other.


----------

