# Should I move forward with this relationship?



## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

I started to date this girl, and now we have around three years together and it's been fun for the most part. She is a very caring person, and cool for the most part but as the relationship progresses I have started to see more some stuff that I find is somewhat turning me off about her. 

She lives with her mother, and every time I try to discuss about us moving forward and maybe purchasing a property together and possible marriage, she changes the subject or just agree and that is it. I asked her where does she sees us in 5 years and her response was "we are doing good, and we are going to continue doing good". 

She is older the me with no kids (45), and I (42) have 3 from my previous marriage.

The day I started to see her with different eyes was for father's day. We went outside for dinner, since I did not have my children with me (different story), and when it was time to pay the check she hesitated like she didn't want to pay. After I paid the check, she got mad and said she does not like to celebrate father's day due to her dad passing away. 

There is more, but for now I wanted to get a different point of view.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

plomito said:


> I started to date this girl, and now we have around three years together and it's been fun for the most part. She is a very caring person, and cool for the most part but as the relationship progresses I have started to see more some stuff that I find is somewhat turning me off about her.
> 
> She lives with her mother, and every time I try to discuss about us moving forward and maybe purchasing a property together and possible marriage, she changes the subject or just agree and that is it. I asked her where does she sees us in 5 years and her response was "we are doing good, and we are going to continue doing good".
> 
> ...


Maybe you are not compatible. Time to notice the crossroad in front of you.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

with out knowing more how can we say , fathers day could be a sore point for her , could be good or dab reminders for her , 
when you bring up buying a property together is a huge move , has she stayed over with you can you stay over with her for a weekend , what age is her mother , she might want to lookafter her mother going into older age


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You already know the answer in your gut .... follow your own notion. If she were interested she would be chasing you... and she isn’t.... not even close

Life lesson #1: Never try to convince someone they want you. Your only setting yourself up for heart ache.


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

frenchpaddy said:


> with out knowing more how can we say , fathers day could be a sore point for her , could be good or dab reminders for her ,
> when you bring up buying a property together is a huge move , has she stayed over with you can you stay over with her for a weekend , what age is her mother , she might want to lookafter her mother going into older age


Her mother is around 70, and I even told her if we do move forward we can get something to accommodate her mom. I have children, and i for sure want them to be around when they stay with me as well. 

The thing that has been bothering me is the absence of let's move forward in this relationship. 


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

Mr.Married said:


> You already know the answer in your gut .... follow your own notion. If she were interested she would be chasing you... and she isn’t.... not even close
> 
> Life lesson #1: Never try to convince someone they want you. Your only setting yourself up for heart ache.


Your right. 

She is not a bad girl, but I just don't think at this point in my life we are compatible

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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

plomito said:


> Your right.
> 
> She is not a bad girl, but I just don't think at this point in my life we are compatible
> 
> Sent from my SM-N975U1 using Tapatalk


I never said she was a bad girl .... she just isn’t interested... that’s all.

Life Lesson #2: When it comes to relationships and sex .... girls do the choosing. Don’t hang around waiting for second choice to be good enough


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

Mr.Married said:


> I never said she was a bad girl .... she just isn’t interested... that’s all.
> 
> Life Lesson #2: When it comes to relationships and sex .... girls do the choosing. Never hang around trying to convince them to choose you.


Oh no, I know you didn't.

I just said it because i dont want to paint her as the bad person here. 

Is like you said. If she wanted more there would be more action on her side.

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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I don’t understand what you meant when you wrote about going to dinner. Did you expect her to pay?


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Mr.Married said:


> Life Lesson #2: When it comes to relationships and sex .... girls do the choosing. Don’t hang around waiting for second choice to be good enough


I politely disagree, Women are the gatekeepers to sexual intimacy only, Men are the gatekeepers to relationships and commitments

@plomito it should her who chases you to commit not the other way around, once you drop it things will be easier and more clear for you!
There are plenty (I mean a lot) of women at her age and even younger (mid 30s) who will die to find a man who are willing to commit and settle!

You said you wanted to move forward, meaning you want to settle down and get married (I wouldn't recommend marriage in this time and age and all the crappy marriage laws), start dating other women, you will find one who is compatible with you, and as long as you keep your eyes open for red flags you will be fine!


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

First of all, I cannot recommend marrying a chick older than you, even by a few years. But you can look at her mother and tell pretty much what you're in store for you as she clicks off the birthdays. There are a few women like a fine wine, they get better with age. Many are not and become crabby old battle axes. Additionally, you need to ask yourself the age old question, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Red flags usually mean “tip of the iceberg”.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, you shouldn’t if you want more than there is after three years.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The thing is, “I” CAN’T move forward with the relationship. It’s not up to only you.
I’d dump her if I wanted a lifelong companion. She’s not it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> First of all, I cannot recommend marrying a chick older than you, even by a few years. But you can look at her mother and tell pretty much what you're in store for as she clicks off the birthdays. There are a few women like a fine wine, they get better with age. Many are not and become crabby old battle axes. Additionally, you need to ask yourself the age old question, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"


Wow...just wow.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I would be concerned about a person who was still living at home in their 40's. Has she ever lived away from home? Does she work? Does she get on with your children?
If after 3 years she has shown no sign of wanting to take the relationship further that is also a concern. Maybe she is just happy the way things are but can you have a serious talk with her about it all? Nothing wrong with her age, it's only 3 years and it's great that you are hoping for commitment, marriage is a great thing.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Wow...just wow.


So you feel Vladimir is wrong, or just overly blunt? Or both? 
What are you wowing? 

like the guy in Dirty Harry said—- “I gots to know”...,


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

Well we didn't have plans because i was supposed to spend time with my children. Then the ex pull an ex move (if you know what I'm saying) and she decided to invite me to dinner. Now, since she invited i thought she was going to cover the tab, so i i had a light meal and just few drinks but still ended up paying. 

I am under the impression if you invite someone to dinner to celebrate their day, then you cover the tab 

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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

At your age, what's in it for you as far as marriage? Not saying don't have an LTR, but long term you need to make sure you keep whatever assets you have and acquire.


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

She does get along with my children, and she does work

I tried to have one, and that's when i asked her where does she sees this relationship going. I did that because i wanted to know where her head is at, and know if she does have any intention to move forward or she is content with staying like this.

I can't judge her if she wants to stay in this stage of the relationship, but i just don't want to invest my time and never be able to move forward. I want somebody I can settle down with and enjoy some quality time.

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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

plomito said:


> I started to date this girl, and now we have around three years together and it's been fun for the most part. She is a very caring person, and cool for the most part but as the relationship progresses I have started to see more some stuff that I find is somewhat turning me off about her.
> 
> She lives with her mother, and every time I try to discuss about us moving forward and maybe purchasing a property together and possible marriage, she changes the subject or just agree and that is it. I asked her where does she sees us in 5 years and her response was "we are doing good, and we are going to continue doing good".
> 
> ...


The Father's Day thing is just two different ways you two think about it. She thinks about Father's Day the way I do which is it's for your own father, not somebody else's. You think of it is because you're a father you should have been treated that day. Regardless that you're not her father and she's not your kid. She's also not the mother of your kids. Sometimes the fathers and mothers acknowledge to their spouses those holidays but she is none of those things to you. 

It might have been nice if she had asked you and paid for dinner if you weren't able to spend it with your kids that day, but it's not exactly in the Father's Day script for a girlfriend to pay. 

I'm thinking since she still lives with her mother that she is not ready to maybe take on your kids. Now they may all be full grown and out of the house and if so then she wouldn't have any involvement with them much anyway. There are plenty of people with no kids and even some with kids who don't enjoy other people's kids or want to be getting too involved. 

Sounds like you're better off just leaving things like they are now. I don't think she wants to take part in all that and must have it pretty easy where she's at to still want to be living with her mother at that age. If she has never moved out from her mother, that's a pretty big red flag. But she may have been married once or gone away and then come back and that's a little different but it's still kind of weird. Of course I don't know how old her mother is so maybe she's caring for her. She could be anywhere from 60 to 80 if your girlfriend is 45 and may well need care. 

Hope you sort it out.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I’ve always felt that the one who issues the invitation is the one who pays.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> So you feel Vladimir is wrong, or just overly blunt? Or both?
> What are you wowing?
> 
> like the guy in Dirty Harry said—- “I gots to know”...,


Firstly, his remarks about the age gap, its only 3 years after all. Secondly his very rude remark about most older women turning into crabby old bats, no they dont.I know loads of older women and none are like that. Thirdly, His remark about the cow and the milk, have always hated that remark.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

plomito said:


> She does get along with my children, and she does work
> 
> I tried to have one, and that's when i asked her where does she sees this relationship going. I did that because i wanted to know where her head is at, and know if she does have any intention to move forward or she is content with staying like this.
> 
> ...


I think you need to press her more, and say that if she doesnt want to move forward, then maybe you are no longer compatable. I think she needs to know how seriously you are taking this. Please dont just leave and dump this on her.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

What she is telling you is that she doesn't feel like you are her best option. You might be the best at the moment, but not good enough to lock down. She'd probably keep you around until she's 50 then try to lock you in. You can't negotiate genuine desire. Find someone who actually wants you and you're not their backup plan.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> First of all, I cannot recommend marrying a chick older than you, even by a few years. But you can look at her mother and tell pretty much what you're in store for as she clicks off the birthdays. There are a few women like a fine wine, they get better with age. Many are not and become crabby old battle axes. Additionally, you need to ask yourself the age old question, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"


I can tell you are an _equal opportunity _offender!

OK, some women do get more aggressive and crabbier, and many men get man-boobs, get passive-aggressive and lazy.

Hormones gives us that youthful demeanor and our physical fitment.

Aging, sees them slipping away, leaving wrinkles, no twinkles, with crab grass settling in after their departure.



_Are Dee-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

plomito said:


> She does get along with my children, and she does work
> 
> I tried to have one, and that's when i asked her where does she sees this relationship going. I did that because i wanted to know where her head is at, and know if she does have any intention to move forward or she is content with staying like this.
> 
> ...


You are her_ friend with benefits_.

She is content with you being her friend and lover. 
No strings, no hassles.

She has no need or desire for married life and its known issues.

I wish she would level with you on this.
Um, she has.... by her (avoidance words), her pushing-away words.

Such a cool one, this one, your GF.

She does not want to lose you, yet does not want to own you.
Own you, outright, in full sight of God and the World.

If you dump her, she may change her tune, if she remembers the notes and the rhythm.
And, if she truly cares...cares a lot.



_Lilith-_


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

She's probably the only woman you're dating. No competition means no healthy comparison. Start spinning plates and let the cream rise to the top.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

plomito said:


> I tried to have one, and that's when i asked her where does she sees this relationship going. I did that because i wanted to know where her head is at, and know if she does have any intention to move forward or she is content with staying like this.


Wrong move TBH.
You are old enough to know that a women with a burning desire for you would be the one asking for you commitment or hints for it clearly, and at her age she would be even more adamant to secure that from you, and usually happens within the first year!

However, I think she believes that your are not going anywhere, and you are so lucky to have her (she is the catch and the prize), and she is the best you can ever do!
Once you believe you are the prize, and show her she is not that special, and she is a women like many out there, then the relationship dynamics will start to shift in your favour!
Remember: US men are the gatekeepers to commitment!


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> OK, some women do get more aggressive and crabbier, and many men get man-boobs, get passive-aggressive and lazy.


Ain't no different when some old bastard thats yokes up with a chick two decades younger. I don't know who's stupider thinking they want a much younger mate; some old f with money, low T and man boobs or some self described "cougar" with legs that look like road maps and a body that ,between the neck and knees, soon turning into something that resembles chewed gum. I guess the stupidest is the turkey that's talked into marrying some old geriatric. You've just got to factor in your much younger mate is going to be looking at you as you get older and uglier every day.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

plomito said:


> She does get along with my children, and she does work
> 
> I tried to have one, and that's when i asked her where does she sees this relationship going. I did that because i wanted to know where her head is at, and know if she does have any intention to move forward or she is content with staying like this.
> 
> ...


So stop investing and just have fun with her. You already have your answer, this is a casual thing so enjoy it as such unless/until you find someone better/more permanent. 

I’d be really careful getting serious with this one anyway. A woman in her 40s, still living with mom, who is so fragile that she can’t take her boyfriend out to a Father’s Day dinner because her dad is dead?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ok so a couple things pop out.

You say you want to move forward and get a property and get married. She responds we are doing fine or we will be fine in a few years. However, Have you ever popped the question. Not some hypothetical question? Many women have been trained we aren't supposed to ask men to marry us or look overly ready to get married. So if you haven't popped the question you really don't know what she'd say. Your description of the relationship and her answers doesn't actually paint much of a picture.

Second you are in a 3 year relationship but you don't know how to talk to her about whose paying for dinner? You want to see a forever with her but get your nose bent out of shape because you paid? Doesn't sound like you are all that in yourself.

Third if her mom is 70 she may feel a responsibility to help her mom. I don't know if her mom is running marathons, out going or needing help and introverted and lonely after a spouse died. 

Third who makes more money and has more assets you or her? I would be hesitant to get into a property with someone who can't even spring for dinner (both ways). Property is almost more binding than marriage. I never have understood separate married finances but I can tell you IF I chose to get into a permanent relationship with a man who wanted separate finances I'm not sure I'd want to have a co-owned property. 

She saw you were down and wanted to cheer you up and you turn it into an opportunity to get upset she didn't pay the bill. I don't think you really like her all that much. And you think 3 years is a big age gap or something. Set her free. Find your own sugar mama. I'm sure you and your 3 kids with a psychotic ex wife is a catch. you can do better.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

plomito said:


> She does get along with my children, and she does work
> 
> I tried to have one, and that's when i asked her where does she sees this relationship going. I did that because i wanted to know where her head is at, and know if she does have any intention to move forward or she is content with staying like this.
> 
> ...


What do you mean by looking for someone to settle down? Marriage?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

DudeInProgress said:


> So stop investing and just have fun with her. You already have your answer, this is a casual thing so enjoy it as such unless/until you find someone better/more permanent.
> 
> I’d be really careful getting serious with this one anyway. A woman in her 40s, still living with mom, who is so fragile that she can’t take her boyfriend out to a Father’s Day dinner because her dad is dead?


Spot on


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

First of all i never said i was upset. To me it was just a flag. I never said I rely on her financially because we both make pretty good money and till this day I have never asked for any help since the modern woman mentality seems to be the new thing now days 

She have all the right to take care of her mom and i even said in a future i would be open to the idea of her mom living with us. 

I just been noticing flags here and there and wanted to get a different point of view to see other opinion and suggestions 

Like i said before in three years I can count with 3 fingers how many times she have come out of pocket and even when she does I meet her at half. There is no thing as a sugar mama. Yes a man is ok to be treated like a king of father's day. That she felt some way because of her dad, i respect it and we have continued our relationship after that. I just saw it as something to share here 





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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

To me, there are relationships that are just for sex, Hang outs and nothing serious and others where you and that person start building a foundation to something serious and if it ends in a marriage then so be it 

I'm not the one to marry here and there. Last marriage lasted 20 years and I'm hoping if I ever so again then is till my last breath. 

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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

She feels she may have chance to find a better one that is why she is hesitant no rush to get married soon.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

plomito said:


> To me, there are relationships that are just for sex, Hang outs and nothing serious and others where you and that person start building a foundation to something serious and if it ends in a marriage then so be it
> 
> I'm not the one to marry here and there. Last marriage lasted 20 years and I'm hoping if I ever so again then is till my last breath.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N975U1 using Tapatalk


And so have you flat out asked her if she'll marry you? 

If all you've ever done is where do you see us in the future, well that is passive aggressive to me. Many women know that there are many men who run if the woman says the word marriage or they'll say they feel pressured or such. If you are into progressing to marriage then just say it. Ask her if she sees it going that way or not.

I certainly wouldn't buy property with someone I wasn't married to.

These days there are so many men so afraid of commitment that 'relationships' don't progress.

Just look at TAM how many posters have to put.... Married 2 years together 13. Married 4 years together 20.

After 3 years you both should know the score. If you aren't on the same wave length for long term prospects then 3 years is plenty of time to just call it.
But I wouldn't call it until you have an actual no ********, you put your cards up first conversation.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Anastasia6 said:


> Ok so a couple things pop out.
> 
> You say you want to move forward and get a property and get married. She responds we are doing fine or we will be fine in a few years. However, Have you ever popped the question. Not some hypothetical question? Many women have been trained we aren't supposed to ask men to marry us or look overly ready to get married. So if you haven't popped the question you really don't know what she'd say. Your description of the relationship and her answers doesn't actually paint much of a picture.
> 
> ...


Wow!

I learn something every day.

One thing I learned very early on....

I don't know anything about women, and likely never will.

Thank you for sticking up for a same gendered person.

It seems....
Not all women are capable of that.

Men think alike, more often than not.





_Are Dee-_


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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

plomito said:


> First of all i never said i was upset. To me it was just a flag. I never said I rely on her financially because we both make pretty good money and till this day I have never asked for any help since the modern woman mentality seems to be the new thing now days
> 
> She have all the right to take care of her mom and i even said in a future i would be open to the idea of her mom living with us.
> 
> ...


you like her financial stability, she enjoys your generosity, that is why your relationship hasn't died yet. cost free.


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

Interesting point of view 

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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

Would you agree if I say many women are also afraid of a serious relationship? 



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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Has she been married before? Does she have any kids?


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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

plomito said:


> Would you agree if I say many women are also afraid of a serious relationship?
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-N975U1 using Tapatalk


I don't think most women are afraid of a serious relationship, especially as they getting order, it seems to me she is not fully committed to this relationship


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

DudeInProgress said:


> Has she been married before? Does she have any kids?


So I answered the kids question by rescanning original post... I think the prior marriage question is still open


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

DudeInProgress said:


> So I answered the kids question by rescanning original post... I think the prior marriage question is still open


As is the have you ever asked her straight up if she wants to marry you.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Wow!
> 
> I learn something every day.
> 
> ...


Not really about same gender more about different perspectives.

I practice what I preach. I asked my husband to marry me. If you know you want it don’t beat around the bush, just ask.

if you don’t want to pay for dinner say ‘ oh I thought it was your treat.’

if you want to talk about the future say ‘ I see us together, married living with your mom in our bigger house and room for my kids to visit. Do you like that idea?’


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Why is she living with her mum at 45? Unless there's a really really extenuating circumstance (my mum is 72 and widowed, lives independently, albeit close to us) that in itself is a red flag. A big one.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> And so have you flat out asked her if she'll marry you?
> 
> If all you've ever done is where do you see us in the future, well that is passive aggressive to me. Many women know that there are many men who run if the woman says the word marriage or they'll say they feel pressured or such. If you are into progressing to marriage then just say it. Ask her if she sees it going that way or not.


Oh God don't ever do that @plomito 

@DudeInProgress was spot on:


DudeInProgress said:


> So stop investing and just have fun with her. You already have your answer, this is a casual thing so enjoy it as such unless/until you find someone better/more permanent.
> 
> I’d be really careful getting serious with this one anyway. A woman in her 40s, still living with mom, who is so fragile that she can’t take her boyfriend out to a Father’s Day dinner because her dad is dead?


One lesson I learned from my game days is that when I asked a women for exclusiveness/marriage things go south later, however when the women askes me for exclusiveness and hints about marriage things turn out way way much better for many reason but the top ones are:
1. You know she desires you and wants to lock you for herself.
2. *It's the only opportunity you have* to layout your expectations and boundaries (you can't layout what you want if you are the one asking for exclusiveness)
Expectations example: No negotiation on intimacy, when you need it, you get it.
Boundaries example: No contact with any of your previous Xs, no flirting with other men, open policy with devices and social media ...Etc)
Your expectations and boundaries could be different but you get the idea

This dating strategy worked for me and many of my friends like a charm!

Last advice, you have been married before, so think wisely if you want to go through it again with the current marriage laws and courts.

At the end, you are the prize, it's you call to do what you wish, and no one has a say in it but you, we can only offer your advice and ideas that you can take, leave or build on them!

Here is a book I recommend (it's very good, short and fun to read), it's an eye opener and gives you a lot of insight and OH crap moments): Practical Female Psychology: For the Practical Man - Kindle edition by South, Joseph. Health, Fitness & Dieting Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

Kaliber said:


> Oh God don't ever do that @plomito
> 
> @DudeInProgress was spot on:
> 
> ...


Thanks @Kaliber will check that book asap. Thanks for sharing 

I understand and i appreciate everybody's point of view and advices.



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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

frusdil said:


> Why is she living with her mum at 45? Unless there's a really really extenuating circumstance (my mum is 72 and widowed, lives independently, albeit close to us) that in itself is a red flag. A big one.


Maybe worship money ? Does she have green$ blood ....


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Kaliber said:


> Oh God don't ever do that @plomito
> 
> @DudeInProgress was spot on:
> 
> ...


Works like a charm? So how long has the wonderful relationship book let you be in a wonderful marriage?

I’m on year 27 with the love of my life.
Don’t play stupid games. You win stupid prizes.

your refusal to answer says exactly what I thought your a chicken. You haven’t laid out your feelings but expect her to.

peace out. Go red pill cause that works soooo well for the timid.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> I don’t understand what you meant when you wrote about going to dinner. Did you expect her to pay?


I was asking myself the same thing, but once yo put that in the context of it being father's day and the OP (as a father was invited out) got stuck paying for his own father's day meal and everyone else's... that kind of sucks!

If for Father's Day a father gets invited out to eat and is going to be expected to pay for everyone, at a minimum he should be told that in advance and HE should get to choose the venue. Perhaps he would have just wanted to stay home, relax, watch sports, and order pizzas.


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

badsanta said:


> I was asking myself the same thing, but once yo put that in the context of it being father's day and the OP (as a father was invited out) got stuck paying for his own father's day meal and everyone else's... that kind of sucks!
> 
> If for Father's Day a father gets invited out to eat and is going to be expected to pay for everyone, at a minimum he should be told that in advance and HE should get to choose the venue. Perhaps he would have just wanted to stay home, relax, watch sports, and order pizzas.


My point exactly. 

Is like taking a female out on mother's day and slap her with the check at the end of the evening.

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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> Works like a charm? So how long has the wonderful relationship book let you be in a wonderful marriage?


It did work out extremely well for me!



Anastasia6 said:


> I’m on year 27 with the love of my life.


Exactly, so you don't have experience with current dating scene!
It's horrible!
I have never met a western women that is not entitled (spoiled), are they all like that? No, but good luck finding a good one without baggage!
These days you see women who are out of shape, tattoos, with kids, no hygiene, *promiscuous *and she thinks she deserves someone like Brad Pitt (I'm not joking, it's real!)
And the ones that look normal comes with a huge baggage and *promiscuous *history and behaviour!
These days a lot of women (not all) don't know what a healthy relationship is or look like, they flirt, the go to night clubs...Etc
And how dare you say something about it, you get accused of being jealous and controlling (AKA. a man with boundaries!)
Every thing is flipped backwards, nothing makes sense anymore, it's so hard to deal with women now days without bending backwards and becoming a doormat,
Why? because many women these day feel entitled!
Again, Are they all like that? No.

So men need to filter out the bad ones and find the good few ones!
Men should never commit until they can set their expectation and boundaries, and maybe slap a prenup with the mix, this will save them from a world of hurt later!
Because men get the biggest hit when a marriage breaks, they get screwed in divorce and family courts!
The vast majority of wives are capable of destroying every thing a husband has built for decades for a fling!



Anastasia6 said:


> peace out. Go red pill cause that works soooo well for the timid.


It has nothing to do with red pill *at all!*


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

plomito said:


> My point exactly.
> 
> Is like taking a female out on mother's day and slap her with the check at the end of the evening.


For mother's day I usually work with the kids to help them make some sort of gift for mom. If it wasn't for that, she would likely get nothing as everyone forgets that day. Father's day rolls around this year and my family forgot me. I even texted some gift ideas of stuff I wanted from Harbor Freight, but I guess the kids and wife were too busy. In church the priest talked about father's day (on father's day) and gave a sermon on it, to which my wife felt guilty and ran out with the kids to get me something last minute (from the mall). Last week I went and just got myself the gift I had wanted from Harbor Freight. 

So don't feel special. Being a dad on father's day and thinking someone got you a special something... well most of us dads end of feeling used and neglected. You just got to get over that, it is a part of life.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Kaliber said:


> It did work out extremely well for me!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It also has nothing to do with a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship you can talk to your partner. I don't think I'm recommending anything radical. He's been in a relationship for 3 years. He wants to move forward. Then he should discuss it with her. If she runs like you say or backs away because he brought it up then he knows she doesn't want anything serious.

HOWEVER, I know very few women young or old that when asked where do you see yourself in xx years say.. I see myself married to you. Or who propose or what have you.
It does happen but it isn't typical. IF he wants to move forward then he should move forward. If I was this girl after 3 years I'd be getting ready to jettison him for his lack of moving forward. It would be obvious that he didn't really want me. I did that with my college 'fiancé', so glad I did. When I told my husband for Christmas he could marry me. He said ok and then proceeded to make it happen. No hesitation, no long engagement. We both knew what we wanted and we moved forward like adults.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

plomito said:


> I started to date this girl, and now we have around three years together and it's been fun for the most part. She is a very caring person, and cool for the most part but as the relationship progresses I have started to see more some stuff that I find is somewhat turning me off about her.
> 
> She lives with her mother, and every time I try to discuss about us moving forward and maybe purchasing a property together and possible marriage, she changes the subject or just agree and that is it. I asked her where does she sees us in 5 years and her response was "we are doing good, and we are going to continue doing good".
> 
> ...


You sir, are in the friend zone. I would strongly suggest a change of plans and in those plans fix your picker. you have picked one who is incompatible with you.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> HOWEVER, I know very few women young or old that when asked where do you see yourself in xx years say.. I see myself married to you. Or who propose or what have you.
> It does happen but it isn't typical. IF he wants to move forward then he should move forward. If I was this girl after 3 years I'd be getting ready to jettison him for his lack of moving forward.


He wasn't lacking on moving forward, this what he said :


plomito said:


> and every time I try to discuss about us moving forward and *maybe purchasing a property together and possible marriage*, she changes the subject or just agree and that is it. I asked her where does she sees us in 5 years and her response was "we are doing good, and we are going to continue doing good".


He even told her he will accommodate her Mom
Then you advised him to go back and pop the question:


Anastasia6 said:


> However, Have you ever popped the question. Not some hypothetical question? Many women have been trained we aren't supposed to ask men to marry us or look overly ready to get married. So if you haven't popped the question you really don't know what she'd say. Your description of the relationship and her answers doesn't actually paint much of a picture.


Now if he does (God forbid!) how would he look like?
A thirsty 42 years old man who is pining after her and worshiping the ground she walks on, who can't find anyone else and she is the best he can do!
And we all know to well what happens when a spouse pedestalise the other and starts pining after them!

(He treats her like a star in return she will treat him like a fan!)

I'm 100% sure that if @plomito drops the idea of moving forward with her, and make it clear he will not go through another marriage (basically going 180 on the idea) she will start panicking and starts playing house wife!


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

plomito said:


> She lives with her mother, *and every time I try to discuss about us moving forward and maybe purchasing a property together and possible marriage, she changes the subject or just agree and that is it. I asked her where does she sees us in 5 years and her response was "we are doing good, and we are going to continue doing good".*


@plomito: you already had the answer that you've been seeking, but you have refused to acknowledge it. Time to take her as a FWB and/or upgrade to a younger woman that is really into you. Nothing else dude. It's not that complicated, unless.....you don't feel secure enough in yourself and can't muster the courage to seek a more compatible partner because you might feel that you can't do better than that. So, which is it?


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

badsanta said:


> For mother's day I usually work with the kids to help them make some sort of gift for mom. If it wasn't for that, she would likely get nothing as everyone forgets that day. Father's day rolls around this year and my family forgot me. I even texted some gift ideas of stuff I wanted from Harbor Freight, but I guess the kids and wife were too busy. In church the priest talked about father's day (on father's day) and gave a sermon on it, to which my wife felt guilty and ran out with the kids to get me something last minute (from the mall). Last week I went and just got myself the gift I had wanted from Harbor Freight.
> 
> So don't feel special. Being a dad on father's day and thinking someone got you a special something... well most of us dads end of feeling used and neglected. You just got to get over that, it is a part of life.


Oh wow 

I always get me my presents for father's day and Christmas. I know the feeling too well. 

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## Elijah220 (Jun 26, 2021)

VladDracul said:


> First of all, I cannot recommend marrying a chick older than you, even by a few years. But you can look at her mother and tell pretty much what you're in store for you as she clicks off the birthdays. There are a few women like a fine wine, they get better with age. Many are not and become crabby old battle axes. Additionally, you need to ask yourself the age old question, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"


Just wow! What a disgusting response! First of all, her mother is not an indication as to what she herself will be like. I know many women who are nothing like their mother’s.

Second of all, how about showing some fricken respect and refrain from using an “age old question” that equates women to cows.


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

DudeInProgress said:


> Has she been married before? Does she have any kids?


She said she was engaged but they called it off, and no kids 

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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She’s never been married? How old is she?

I think you know that your girlfriend isn’t marriage material. She doesn’t want to get married. Nothing wrong with that. Just realize you can’t turn her into the person you want her to be. She’s not the thoughtful person that cooks you a nice meal for Father’s Day and invites you over. She’s not the loving Gf that can’t wait for you to pop the question. She’s just not that into you. Sounds like she’s just not that into anyone, hasn’t been, maybe never will be.
I think you’re just waiting around hoping your Volkswagen turns into a Ferrari. She is who she is. Time to find yourself a woman that really wants you.


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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

Hi are there any changes to your situation


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

From one of your other posts, it obviously doesn't sound like she intends to be "out of pocket" often at all in the relationship. I don't blame her on the Father's Day, but if you're wanting to move in, she should be paying her share of the bills and rent. Since she's not anxious to move in, however, it does not send up any real "sugar baby" red flags. She'd be jumping at that if she was only in it for the money. She's a bit tight, though.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't blame her on the Father's Day


Cool... I'll invite you to this awesome top restaurant, and after we eat and finish I'll let you pay


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

plomito said:


> Would you agree if I say many women are also afraid of a serious relationship?
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-N975U1 using Tapatalk


I think it is more of dont want one. Many women are averse to commitment. They want to keep their options open, if they see another guy they want, hey they are not married afterall. They want the freedom to play the field if they want.


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

fluffycoco said:


> Hi are there any changes to your situation


No changes. She tries to be that loving girlfriend and always want to hang around the city and live that sex and the city lifestyle but that's about it. Is like a member here said, maybe she will change with time but I can't turn her into a housewife. Her mentality is clearly not there, or maybe she is not that into me. 

I honestly don't see us moving forward. I stopped the conversations about us moving together, and will make my moves on the side (buying a property) and I guess she will find out after i close and it is what it is.

I honestly not sure if living with her mother for such a long time affected her, but every time we step out her mom calls her multiple times, and maybe she is afraid to commit because she can't be away from her. 

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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

Divinely Favored said:


> I think it is more of dont want one. Many women are averse to commitment. They want to keep their options open, if they see another guy they want, hey they are not married afterall. They want the freedom to play the field if they want.


True 

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