# Rock, Paper, Scissors



## I'mwithCrazy (Aug 2, 2012)

I have a lot of issues all piled up and don't know which forum fits me best. I really need support. You have no idea what a difference it could have made years ago when I had nothing, if I only had reached out further. Oh well, 
I've been living 23 years with one man in one house at the same address up until this minute. I'll be laying down next to him shortly, to sleep. Sometimes I choose not to get that close and I sleep on the sofa or not at all. For the first 10-11 years he was my big, strong hero, loverman. We met through AA, we got close, he urged me to marry or just live with him at his house, that he and the new ex picked out together, and he said everything like he was reciting his lines for the next act. LSS, I insisted on one full year sobriety first, he was really sober when we got married and for the first half of our relationship.
When he started up again he discovered Indian casinos nearby and started gambling. Finally I found out about the drinking though I swear to you all, I knew it from the first minute I was around him after a couple of gulps of that beer. Like another girl said recently, his whole face was different and he didn't even look or talk like the same man as before. It's the God's honest truth that he was like a shapeshifter or schizophrenic nutcase. I hated slots so bad and he wanted to do nothing else. We fought, we couldn't talk, I lost respect for him and he was so violent that I was devastated. One day I hit some serious winnings on those slots, and boy it felt great! I was pretending to be special at the Louisiana casinos, spending obscene amounts of borrowed money, and generally doing it to get away from H's alcoholic rage and my lonliness. LSS again, I spent so much money just doing what I was compelled to do, and he was absent when I just needed some love and for him to quit drinking again for just a day, then another....He never called the casinos to ask me to come home cause he missed me, and he never tried to quit drinking for even one week when I told him that I could forget about gambling if he forgot to drink but he refused to support me that way.
So he filed for divorce but never moved his stuff out; nor did I. He said he was sorry for filing it, blah blah last resort blah. Said so much and never left, I believed he called it off when I didn't hear anything else from the court. Well he duped me, had the hearing and won everything, even the house. He came home that day for lunch, said this was our status and waived the decree around. Well after tears (mine) and hugging (ours) again still no separating after a final divorce. I had no means to go and no place to head for and I said so. He said I could stay there. Just pay him. 
Well I'm not paying enough. After we bought a car together, put another 7 years onto this sham common law marriage, and all the reasons I thought we were "together", now he has a new GF and doesn't want me enough to try anything else (quitting drink) or (talking to me instead of new girlfriend on phone). But I still don't have any money to protect my rights and find a new home. And HE still won't just leave me like a normal *******. 
Sorry ya'll. So I'm fixing to save for a divorce where I can maybe revisit being cheated out of my hearing the 1st time and my sole and separate 1/2 of the house. Evidence points to ours being a CLM and he could end up losing it back to me plus a monthly spousal support payment for life (I'm disabled).
I just ended up wasting a quarter of a century and my prince ended up fat and ugly, out of shape and an adulterer to boot. And he hates children! Even mine!
He says it would be okay if I started seeing someone. He just wants to never potentially lose another dollar to me. Not even to feed me or buy me a little gift. I hate living with a drunk. But he's got a good job and isn't making me leave just yet. I can't afford to file the divorce, and I can't move out if I did file. I'm so afraid this will push me back into my old drug habit. I don't do well when nobody loves me. Simple as that. And I was loyal to him for 23 years. I'm tired of this, I will hang on, and then I will hand him his come uppance. I am looking for a guy now. He won't end our thing before he's starting another thing with some loudmouth on the phone. She has to be married what with it being the same hours every time she calls, and she doesn't call on the same certain 2 days, then once for 5 days when he must've been on vacation from work. What a lowlife. He is now denying our civil union. We went more than 5 years without sex until 2 weeks ago after he quit taking antidepressants. He couldn't keep it up two nights in a row; he was testing his junk to see if it ran better w/o the medicine. I'm so lonely and confused. I don't know what to do. I am almost 53 years old! We don't share any children. Thank God. I won't walk away from my 1/2 of this house. My name is on the title and stuff, and he said we would have to sell the house before I can have my 1/2. WWYD?


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