# I lost weight, but now my eyes wander



## RockerWife (Aug 20, 2015)

This is a tough one, and urgent. I lost 30 lbs for my wedding last month, and as the pounds melted off, my confidence went through the roof. I noticed men looking, people treating me nicer, and just a general sense that people knew I was happy. Before all of this, I was a very ill person with diabetes and it was difficult to walk. I never looked at other men... Ever. I felt too depressed to look! I fit into a very sexy dress and I was looking in the mirror crying. I was so overjoyed. My husband has not changed his demeanor since I lost weight, he is still very attracted to me.. Always has been. I went to a celebrity event with my husband and I was introduced to a new friend of his that was there. I didn't think anything of him at first, but he offered to buy me a drink and we did shots at the bar and totally bonded. Still didn't think much of it. The next day I woke up incredibly aroused and all I could think about was my husband's friend. I've been thinking about him non stop. I haven't been able to sleep much or work! I even came up with several scenarios of this guy and I sneaking off. I can't believe this! I don't know what is wrong with me. I've been with my man for 9 years and this is a surprise to me. I totally stalked his website and somehow hoping he will contact me. I know we are seeing him again in a few weeks. How do I get this guy out of my brain?!


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Remember just how your weight came off it can come back on. So you want to ditch the guy who loved you when you were sick and 30 lbs heavier for a "new friend". Don't let your fitness improve and your character decline. Snap out of your fantasy world.


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## RockerWife (Aug 20, 2015)

You're right. But keep in mind that I never was even attracted to this person.. The next day I felt weird and almost 'crazy' about this guy. Scientifically, what is going on here? I don't want this feeling anymore.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

You loved you for better or worse, in sickness and in health...trust me this new guy would drop you before worse all he wants is better...then where will be.


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## RockerWife (Aug 20, 2015)

One more thing... I told my best friend about him, and I told her i would hook them up. I hope they date so I can get over this!


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

RockerWife said:


> You're right. But keep in mind that I never was even attracted to this person.. The next day I felt weird and almost 'crazy' about this guy. Scientifically, what is going on here? I don't want this feeling anymore.


It's normal to feel a surge in confidence when you lose weight - it happened to me - he is paying attention to you and it boosts your ego even further. This is all about your ego and its recent boost. Do not let that drive you to be self destructive. Fitness is a positive thing disloyalty and infidelity are as corrosive to the soul as diabetes is to the body. You need to be able to handle your new found attractiveness without destroying the ONE man who has been with you through it all. Remember he loved you when you were heavier and he loves you now - that is rare and if you ever destroy that you will regret it for the rest of your life and you will be a sh!tty person on top of that. Don't go from being unhealthy physically to being unhealthy emotionally. Stop indulging in these fantasies and stalking this guys website. The ore you entertain these thoughts the more likely you are to act on them.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Scientifically your wishful thinking, your dreaming. You are infatuated with this man but you do not love him. The thing about infatuation is you can be infatuated with 5, 10, 20 different people all at the same time, however you can only love one. Don't lose the one you love forever because your burning a short fuze for another.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

:slap:


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

And worse than all that, it sounds very emotionally immature. Sorry had to speak the truth before you blew your life up.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Don't morals mean anything to you?
Do you have any?
Don't you care about how your husband feels?

You seem like a very childish, self centred and selfish person.
I would seek IC to discuss this.
Grow up.

Hope you are adult enough to take this criticism constructively and do something with it.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Bad idea to try to set him up with your friend. I think it's an excuse to keep him nearer. Plus you will live vicariously through your friend -- you'll be able to hear all about him through her.

Talk to a counselor. This has much more to do with your recent weight loss (big change in your self esteem, your self image, your identity) than it does some guy you did shots with at a bar.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RockerWife (Aug 20, 2015)

I live a different life than most. I'm around celebrities and rockstars due to our jobs. I've been very mature through every situation, but the only thing that's changed is my weight and health. I am a totally different person, and my mother even said I glow with happiness. I am closer to my husband now that the wedding is over and our sex is amazing. Everything is going great. I could not help my feelings at all-- but you're right-- my actions are what counts. I hate to say this, but this guy is going to be around quite a bit in our lives. We're going to be traveling together as he's joining us in a close partnership. I'm just going to have to bite my lip and deal with it.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Sorry how old are you? I have to ask. I'm guessing 26


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

RockerWife said:


> I live a different life than most. I'm around celebrities and rockstars due to our jobs. I've been very mature through every situation, but the only thing that's changed is my weight and health. I am a totally different person, and my mother even said I glow with happiness. I am closer to my husband now that the wedding is over and our sex is amazing. Everything is going great. I could not help my feelings at all-- but you're right-- my actions are what counts. *I hate to say this, but this guy is going to be around quite a bit in our lives. We're going to be traveling together as he's joining us in a close partnership. I'm just going to have to bite my lip and deal with it*.


This is a slow motion disaster...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Your name isn't Tawny is it?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

So common. It's like women who get a boob job and all of a sudden are getting attention from men that are more attractive than what they're used to. Problem is that is superficial. 

You must not confused your marriage market value with your sex market value. It boils down to the type of guy you can get to bang you is hotter than the type of man that will invest and be there for you. The man who stood by you when you were heavy and sickly isn't less of a man because he didn't go for something hotter. He just genuinely loved you. But is sounds like that love has no value, only the new attractive guy, who would probably wouldn't give you the time of day if you were still heavy.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

RockerWife said:


> Scientifically, what is going on here?


Hypergamy.


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## RockerWife (Aug 20, 2015)

Didn't come here for shaming. I have a valid issue that I came here for help solving, but the immaturity from the private messages and posts tell me otherwise. I am about to turn 40, I'm not 26. My husband is 50. See where your guessing game got you? I cannot have children, and I am still suffering with autoimmune disease that causes hallucinations and psychotic behavior. I've been abused by many men. I've been harassed for being too thin and too fat my whole life. For someone to accept me and consider me attractive is a big deal. I'm weird, I am eccentric, but my husband gets me. He started drinking about 5 years ago and it tarnished much of what we had, causing much pain for the whole family. He quit cold turkey and never touched booze again until the wedding. Now he's drinking daily once again. If I try to say something he blows up at me. I don't drink at all unless I'm at an event, and I hate drugs... Esp pharmaceutical ones. I'm having a WTF moment with him and I guess I found my weak point. It happens. I researched therapists today because I feel this issue is beyond the interwebs. I'm guessing the naysayers are all perfect then? Good for you!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Bad idea to try to set him up with your friend. I think it's an excuse to keep him nearer. Plus you will live vicariously through your friend -- you'll be able to hear all about him through her.
> 
> Talk to a counselor. This has much more to do with your recent weight loss (big change in your self esteem, your self image, your identity) than it does some guy you did shots with at a bar.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This. Counseling. Many women have strayed after improving their physical shape. You have to learn to enforce stronger boundaries and learn to work through greater temptation. Don't blow this off or ignore it and include your husband as well.

You are absolutely a candidate to become a cheater if you don't deal with this and learn to control it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

RockerWife said:


> Didn't come here for shaming. I have a valid issue that I came here for help solving, but the immaturity from the private messages and posts tell me otherwise. I am about to turn 40, I'm not 26. My husband is 50. See where your guessing game got you? I cannot have children, and I am still suffering with autoimmune disease that causes hallucinations and psychotic behavior. I've been abused by many men. I've been harassed for being too thin and too fat my whole life. For someone to accept me and consider me attractive is a big deal. I'm weird, I am eccentric, but my husband gets me. He started drinking about 5 years ago and it tarnished much of what we had, causing much pain for the whole family. He quit cold turkey and never touched booze again until the wedding. Now he's drinking daily once again. If I try to say something he blows up at me. I don't drink at all unless I'm at an event, and I hate drugs... Esp pharmaceutical ones. I'm having a WTF moment with him and I guess I found my weak point. It happens. I researched therapists today because I feel this issue is beyond the interwebs. I'm guessing the naysayers are all perfect then? Good for you!


Aha and there it is - the justifying of your behaviour. Your husband has started drinking and there is a good reason to want to hook up with a [email protected] predator. My advice is to come clean with your husband about your thoughts and maybe he might help you distance yourself from this guy. 

Firstly, if I was your husband, I would drop any close working relationship with him immediately no matter how lucrative.

Secondly, if I was you I would take a good long look at yourself and your behaviour - maybe get some help and counselling. If you still feel the same now that you are thinner then at least have the decency to tell your husband and divorce him before you hook up with anyone. And if you do that, pray that you don't rubber band up in weight again.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I don't know if you can do this financially, but my advice, both of you should step away from this lifestyle, it is destroying both you. This is not to condemn you or beat you up, but I can see this going bad for both of you if you stay in this situation. If both of you are savvy enough to deal in the music business, you can do other things.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

RW, you are fantasizing about the OM because you are not entirely happy with the exisiting one, your H has turned into someone else after the wedding. Do you think your husband may have guessed?
You have to be accountable to someone, a close reliable friend, confidant who will keep you on track.
Ideally it should be your H but not sure what impact this information would have on him?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

See the thing is, if you had included all of that information in your first post, you would have gotten very different advice.

We can only go off of the information that you share. Your husband's drinking, your frustration with him, the abuse in your past regarding your weight... All of that paints a very different picture.

You are ripe for an affair with this guy if you don't get some counseling and establish good boundaries.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

The fact that you're married aside, if you're suddenly getting attention from men who couldn't be bothered to give you the time of day over THIRTY POUNDS, then you were better off before when they were ignoring you.

Focus on the man that married you -- the man to whom THIRTY LITTLE FREAKING POUNDS didn't matter.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

I suggest you detach from your alcoholic husband and work on yourself.

You have an esteem issue and rather finding some validation from yourself first, you are seeking external sources. This makes you more reliant on others to find value in yourself. You are trying to soothe the damage ego from years of abuse and rejection.

If you want a healthy relationship of any type, it must first start with you. Since this new attention seems rewarding, you are more likely to seek it out. Also, your husband becomes less viable as a partner, which he is since his priority is alcohol over you.

You lack boundaries because you are looking for validation that you are good enough to be loved and desired.

If possible, detach from your husband, he has relapsed and may become more abusive as the alcohol affects his brain more and more. He may not be healthy again to be a partner. Seek help from a psychiatrist to work on you.

Detach from your husband. Let him prove that he can manage his alcoholism. If not, move on.

Be cautious about people using you. They may find you attractive, and they may simply want a good time because of how easy it is to say the right words to you.

So for the moment, make your life less complicated by detaching from your alcoholic, abusive husband. Protect yourself against him. Do not get into any new relationship, you will be bringing your dysfunction into any relationship you enter. You may be focused on wanting to be loved, that you miss red flags into other potential mates. You married an alcoholic, given that you knew he was an alcoholic. He may have been motivated to marry you, and when he did, he allowed himself to relapse. It is a possibility. Your husband's alcoholism and abuse, your own issues, make you very vulnerable to potential predators out there.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

RockerWife said:


> Didn't come here for shaming. I have a valid issue that I came here for help solving, but the immaturity from the private messages and posts tell me otherwise. I am about to turn 40, I'm not 26. My husband is 50. See where your guessing game got you? I cannot have children, and I am still suffering with autoimmune disease that causes hallucinations and psychotic behavior. I've been abused by many men. I've been harassed for being too thin and too fat my whole life. For someone to accept me and consider me attractive is a big deal. I'm weird, I am eccentric, but my husband gets me. He started drinking about 5 years ago and it tarnished much of what we had, causing much pain for the whole family. He quit cold turkey and never touched booze again until the wedding. Now he's drinking daily once again. If I try to say something he blows up at me. I don't drink at all unless I'm at an event, and I hate drugs... Esp pharmaceutical ones. I'm having a WTF moment with him and I guess I found my weak point. It happens. I researched therapists today because I feel this issue is beyond the interwebs. I'm guessing the naysayers are all perfect then? Good for you!


My bad on the age thing and you left out all the issues you have had going on. I'd honestly get into some counseling and clear your head regardless of what your weight does. Also, the age difference between you and your spouse is troubling to me. This is usually(not always) a sign of other issues when there is a double digit age difference. You might want to consider why you married him.DUDE


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
This is not intended to shame nor belittle you. You asked for an answer and I am offering one. Why did you get married? If it was for love then there is one answer, if it was for convenience or to settle then there is another?

If you married for love, or thought you did, then you are very shallow and superficial. When one truly loves another then outside influences are irrelevant. For you to be going "crazy" for this other guy shows your lack of deep feelings for your H and subsequently your superfluous nature. Counseling may help you with this or it may simply be a character flaw that is irreparable. It really comes down to how badly you want your marriage versus how badly you want this OM. The right thing to do here is an intense introspection to determine why your feelings are only superficial and not deep and meaningful. Tell your H and seek therapy to see if you can be a loving wife.

If you married for convenience or as some sort of security so as not to grow old alone then you simply are ready to trade up in husbands. Your current H has served nicely when you were overweight and ill but he is no longer enough for the new and improved you. Again, very superficial but understandable as you were merely settling when you married your H. Now you can do better. The right thing to do in this case is to tell your husband that he has been good for you while you were sick and heavy but that now you are able to do better so you want a divorce so that you can pursue "better" men.

I would ask that you consider this one thing in regards to your feelings for the OM. What are you expecting him to provide? He is a male and I assume has all of the male parts and they will not be drastically different than your husband's. So what will this man provide that your H cannot? Is it merely the conquest that entices you? If so, what happens when you "get" this guy? Who is next, what guy will be your next conquest? Will this eventually end or will you pursue "better" guys until your looks fade and your left alone?

You must try and think rationally here. Your H seems to love you, not the dress size you wear. Are you sure you want to cast that aside for a conquest that will leave you feeling empty and needing another? Find your self esteem in the eyes of your H, the guy that loved you when you were not as "lovable" as you think you are now. The attention you are getting from other men now is not love, they do not care for you. There thought is "hey there is a nice chic to bang a few times". Is that the type relationship you want?

Perhaps talk to your H and see if the two of you can work on his alcohol problem together. As he stood beside you through your sickness, now stand beside him through his. That is what real relationships are all about, not seeing who you can bang next but rather caring for a person for a lifetime. That is what marriage is. So the real question is, do you really want to be married?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

NoChoice said:


> OP,
> This is not intended to shame nor belittle you. You asked for an answer and I am offering one. Why did you get married? If it was for love then there is one answer, if it was for convenience or to settle then there is another?
> 
> If you married for love, or thought you did, then you are very shallow and superficial. When one truly loves another then outside influences are irrelevant. For you to be going "crazy" for this other guy shows your lack of deep feelings for your H and subsequently your superfluous nature. Counseling may help you with this or it may simply be a character flaw that is irreparable. It really comes down to how badly you want your marriage versus how badly you want this OM. The right thing to do here is an intense introspection to determine why your feelings are only superficial and not deep and meaningful. Tell your H and seek therapy to see if you can be a loving wife.
> ...



Don't forget to take into account that he is an alcholic that relapse as well. Her husband is no prize either, his affection is towards the bottle and he attacks her verbally. He is not in the relationship because his relationship is the bottle.

Perhaps he trapped her into marrying him when he stayed sober. After the wedding, he relapsed quickly. It is a possibility as well. His alcholism is a priority before his wife, since it affects how she feels towards him as well.

So the man who was there for her is unavailable due to his own issues. Without a marriage lisence, they are no more than roommates, and her an emotional punching bag.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Don't let your fitness improve and your character decline.


LOVE this line, Truthseeker! +1000%!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

This is very common. In fact, I kind of went through a bit of it when I got back in shape.

The fact is, you're healthier, and likely have a return of a proper hormone balance making you more sexually interested. On top of that, you're getting attention and ego-validation from a more attractive group of people. Which is pretty compelling.

In short, you're fit and hot and want to go **** fit and hot people.

This isn't really the problem here. Everybody gets attracted to other people.

The real problem here is that you aren't mate guarding yourself or your marriage at all. Like, you know, fit hot committed married people do.

What I would do?

Do the hard thing and fess up to your husband that you have a crush on this guy. I suspect your husband needs a bit of a wake up call, himself. 

And don't talk or be around (or certainly don't sit at the bar doing shots FFS) with this guy, ever again.


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

Rocker Husband here.
PM me.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

DoneWithHurting said:


> Rocker Husband here.
> PM me.


...?


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

A few gallons of Ben & Jerrys should cure your problem.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

No, don't tell your husband you like his friend. It will cause 10000s of other problems. He will always suspect you forever.
Work on yourself and ridding him from your mind.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

RockerWife said:


> Didn't come here for shaming. I have a valid issue that I came here for help solving, but the immaturity from the private messages and posts tell me otherwise. I am about to turn 40, I'm not 26. My husband is 50. See where your guessing game got you? I cannot have children, and I am still suffering with autoimmune disease that causes hallucinations and psychotic behavior. I've been abused by many men. I've been harassed for being too thin and too fat my whole life. For someone to accept me and consider me attractive is a big deal. I'm weird, I am eccentric, but my husband gets me. He started drinking about 5 years ago and it tarnished much of what we had, causing much pain for the whole family. He quit cold turkey and never touched booze again until the wedding. Now he's drinking daily once again. If I try to say something he blows up at me. I don't drink at all unless I'm at an event, and I hate drugs... Esp pharmaceutical ones. I'm having a WTF moment with him and I guess I found my weak point. It happens. I researched therapists today because I feel this issue is beyond the interwebs. I'm guessing the naysayers are all perfect then? Good for you!


Is his recent drinking related at all with you getting more fit?

A reaction, a cycle?

Is it related to finding other guys more attractive?

Is your husband a strong man? Resilient?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Don't forget to take into account that he is an alcholic that relapse as well. Her husband is no prize either, his affection is towards the bottle and he attacks her verbally. He is not in the relationship because his relationship is the bottle.
> 
> Perhaps he trapped her into marrying him when he stayed sober. After the wedding, he relapsed quickly. It is a possibility as well. His alcholism is a priority before his wife, since it affects how she feels towards him as well.
> 
> So the man who was there for her is unavailable due to his own issues. Without a marriage lisence, they are no more than roommates, and her an emotional punching bag.


Sir,
She indicated together 9 years, he started drinking 5 years ago but stopped cold turkey (no time given) and then started up again at the wedding, which was recent (a month ago) so, based on the information at hand, he has been off the wagon for a month.

We do not know how long the stint was 5 years ago but in initial post she does not mention any of his negative traits. However, before that they should have had 4 years drink free in addition to whatever time of the past five he was on the wagon. He may have been drinking less than a year for all we know or as many as 5. It is not disclosed. Not until she began getting posts berating her position does she divulge his faults.

In the last paragraph of my OP I addressed his problem and a possible solution they could work on together. Also, we do know the OM drinks as they became acquainted "doing shots" at an event. It would appear that men who drink alcohol do not necessarily repulse her, possibly until she marries them. We all are prone to supposition on these boards but since she did not ask for help with her alcoholic H but rather for herself, to "forget" the OM, I assumed he was not her primary issue and responded accordingly. If she desires to remain married to her H, then she can post on the "marriage and addictions" board for help with that.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

DoneWithHurting said:


> Rocker Husband here.
> PM me.



Are you RockerWife's husband??
OMG!


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

NoChoice said:


> Sir,
> She indicated together 9 years, he started drinking 5 years ago but stopped cold turkey (no time given) and then started up again at the wedding, which was recent (a month ago) so, based on the information at hand, he has been off the wagon for a month.
> 
> We do not know how long the stint was 5 years ago but in initial post she does not mention any of his negative traits. However, before that they should have had 4 years drink free in addition to whatever time of the past five he was on the wagon. He may have been drinking less than a year for all we know or as many as 5. It is not disclosed. Not until she began getting posts berating her position does she divulge his faults.
> ...






RockerWife said:


> He started drinking about 5 years ago and it tarnished much of what we had, causing much pain for the whole family. He quit cold turkey and never touched booze again until the wedding. Now he's drinking daily once again. If I try to say something he blows up at me.


 You asked her what steps she can take to be a loving wife. Her connecting with him is not going to solve his drinking if what she stated is true, nor make him treat her better.

I suggested she detach and seek help for herself. It will be hard to work on a relationship when both have issues.

Also, is it possible that the both of them do actions that makes their relationship weaker. Her hugging him, telling him that she loves him, will not stop him from drinking if what she stated is true.

All I know is that he started drinking again during the wedding. If he has continued from then onwards, I made that assumption because it sounds like it. All she posted was that he was cold turkey until the wedding and now he drinks everyday.

Is it possible that his actions caused her to detach from him, making her love him less? Neglect and abuse are some reasons why couples fall out of love. These actions cause the bond to fade.

True, the alcohol does not repulse her, but is it possible that his actions under the influence affect the outcome. One guy seems like fun and when she talks to her husband, she stated he attacks her.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

nirvana said:


> Are you RockerWife's husband??
> OMG!


Something in this thread is a miss.....DUDE


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

nirvana said:


> Are you RockerWife's husband??
> OMG!



Hmm, didn't pay attention to that post. Weird situation. Well, I guess we will find out a lot of what is going on soon.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

@NoChoice I missed that.

Very interesting that she bemoans his drinking problem and yet does shots at the bar with Mr HottyPantsSuperStar.

Hmm.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

I think this thread is a troll? Probably two pimple faced teenagers messing w us.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> This. Counseling. Many women have strayed after improving their physical shape. You have to learn to enforce stronger boundaries and learn to work through greater temptation. Don't blow this off or ignore it and include your husband as well.
> 
> You are absolutely a candidate to become a cheater if you don't deal with this and learn to control it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This...

OP, I know EXACTLY where you are at and trust me on this...You are heading toward an affair. How do I know? I've been there, I've done that. My marriage wasn't going too well and I "thought" I could fix things by getting fit and healthy. I lost 50lbs, and once that was off, I packed on some considerable muscle in an effort to "reignite" the passion. Well, it backfired on me because I have issues of my own and I did not know how to establish boundaries...with other women. And they began taking notice of me. Due to my deep rooted issues (self esteem and Histrionic Personality Disorder), I loved the attention I was getting from these women and it escalated.

Stop this before it is too late. I suspect that when you look in the mirror, you still see that overweight former self and you crave validation through others, yes? I know I sure did.

Wanna save your marriage? Take @ConanHub's and other's advice and seek out counseling...Unless you really wann just throw caution to the wind and wreck your marriage and a few lives along with it. Just my .02, good luck.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

marduk said:


> @NoChoice I missed that.
> 
> Very interesting that she bemoans his drinking problem and yet does shots at the bar with Mr HottyPantsSuperStar.
> 
> Hmm.


Not to mention that alcohol can make you gain weight.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

You know, now that I think of it, all my favorite rock stars are openly monogamous.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

You found a guy who loves you when heavy. You think shot boy will?


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

No NOT Rockerwifes husband!

But I am in the biz and know what goes on.
Horrible... just horrible. Industry of NPD everywhere.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

RockerWife said:


> I live a different life than most. I'm around celebrities and rockstars due to our jobs. I've been very mature through every situation, but the only thing that's changed is my weight and health. I am a totally different person, and my mother even said I glow with happiness. *I am closer to my husband now that the wedding is over and our sex is amazing. Everything is going great.* I could not help my feelings at all-- but you're right-- my actions are what counts. I hate to say this, but this guy is going to be around quite a bit in our lives. We're going to be traveling together as he's joining us in a close partnership. I'm just going to have to bite my lip and deal with it.





RockerWife said:


> Didn't come here for shaming. I have a valid issue that I came here for help solving, but the immaturity from the private messages and posts tell me otherwise. I am about to turn 40, I'm not 26. My husband is 50. See where your guessing game got you? I cannot have children, and I am still suffering with autoimmune disease that causes hallucinations and psychotic behavior. I've been abused by many men. I've been harassed for being too thin and too fat my whole life. For someone to accept me and consider me attractive is a big deal. I'm weird, I am eccentric, but my husband gets me. He started drinking about 5 years ago and it tarnished much of what we had, causing much pain for the whole family. *He quit cold turkey and never touched booze again until the wedding. Now he's drinking daily once again. If I try to say something he blows up at me.* I don't drink at all unless I'm at an event, and I hate drugs... Esp pharmaceutical ones. I'm having a WTF moment with him and I guess I found my weak point. It happens. I researched therapists today because I feel this issue is beyond the interwebs. I'm guessing the naysayers are all perfect then? Good for you!


Nice story shift. So which one is it?


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

"One more thing... I told my best friend about him, and I told her i would hook them up. I hope they date so I can get over this!"

You're doing that so that he remains within arms reach i think.


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## LainyLove22 (Aug 22, 2015)

Nothing wrong with fantasizing but it's best to leave it at that and just in your head. I would not tell the hubby about your attraction to his friend. It'll only cause nothing but turmoil and grief !


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

My H is in the business too, and temptation is everywhere.

What you are experiencing is normal, you are human, and attention always feels good, especially when the current relationship isn't optimal.

There is a difference between reality and fantasy, it's not a good idea to mix the two.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

"There is a difference between reality and fantasy, it's not a good idea to mix the Two"

Bingo


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

RockerWife said:


> I know we are seeing him again in a few weeks. How do I get this guy out of my brain?!


By putting your marriage on hold and going to therapy every.single.week to deal with you insecurity and inferiority complex. You have no business marrying until you come to terms with your low self esteem.


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