# Husbands female friend



## worried123 (Mar 7, 2012)

My Husband has a female friend; they were friends way before I came into the picture. She has helped him through some hard times in the past. When we first started dating I was ok with her, she was very nice and very supportive of our relationship. 

However after my husband and I were married I began to notice how needy she was and how quick he would jump to help her. If she calls and he doesn’t answer the house phone she calls his cell. If he doesn’t answer the cell she will text him and if he is busy and doesn’t answer his text she will text him like every ten mins until he does. 

There is nothing secretive if I wanted I could read his texts he’s not hiding anything. But what hurts me is when My husband and I have a special day planned somehow it ends up to be about her. She is either having a crisis or mad because we are in town and not coming to see her. 

Last Sunday we were going fishing my husband and I, But him and his friend were arguing over something all morning over texting to the point I took his phone away. 

I usually go to bed early because I work early. But last night I stayed up later so we could go to bed together. We were just heading to bed and she called. So I went to bed alone and he talked to her.
These are just two examples but it’s a daily occurrence and it hurts me and I don’t know how to explain it to him without me getting upset.

When my husband came to bed I was really upset, but I think he just thinks I’m crazy. Is it wrong to want to have time with my husband without her texting or calling? Im tired of her interfering with every part of our lives. I don’t know if im over reacting??? 

I would love advice on how to explain to my husband how much this hurts me. Or if you think im over reacting???


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

worried123 said:


> My Husband has a female friend; they were friends way before I came into the picture. She has helped him through some hard times in the past. When we first started dating I was ok with her, she was very nice and very supportive of our relationship.
> 
> However after my husband and I were married I began to notice how needy she was and how quick he would jump to help her. If she calls and he doesn’t answer the house phone she calls his cell. If he doesn’t answer the cell she will text him and if he is busy and doesn’t answer his text she will text him like every ten mins until he does.
> 
> ...


Your husband needs to set boundaries with his friend(s). No calls/texts after a certain time of evening. Or he can simply turn his phone off to spend some quiet time with you.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> When my husband came to bed I was really upset, but I think he just thinks I’m crazy


I'm curious.

What did you say to your husband? What did he say? 



> But what hurts me is when My husband and I have a special day planned somehow it ends up to be about her.





> Last Sunday we were going fishing my husband and I, But him and his friend were arguing over something all morning over texting to the point I took his phone away.





> Im tired of her interfering with every part of our lives


.

If I were you, I would tell him what you told us here. Verbatim.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Besides boundaries, ask your husband how he would feel if the roles were reversed and you had a guy friend intruding on your time together.


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## bellamaxjoy (Oct 27, 2011)

What Toffer said. There is nothing wrong with setting some boundries in the relationship, and seriously ask him what he would think if you were bestys with a man. I bet he would be thru the roof!


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

While asking how he would feel is a good idea, the problem is most people would lie and say "It wouldn't bother me" in order to keep doing it, and put the issue right back in the lap of the person who's hurt by it. 

I just think that if this guy was empathetic/considerate in the least to his wife, he wouldn't be allowing this friendship to intrude so much. Asking himself 'how would I feel if my wife did this' would require him to have empathy.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

The problem is that comes into the picture and for him there is no significant difference and therefore the first step you should make its distinction exists in this But now it's probably not possible immediately, but as a process if it's important enough to you


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

What are the logistics of this friend? Looks like she does not have a boyfriend or husband? Is she a work-friend, college-friend etc? Is she of the same age-group? Is this a 'sister-brother' type of friendship?

You are definitely not over expecting here. Communicate to your husband your concerns without name calling, finger pointing etc. like other people on this thread recommend. In addition, and depending on her situation, a good idea would be to see if you could help her find someone. Once she finds someone of her own she will get off your back


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## worried123 (Mar 7, 2012)

I want to thank everyone for their imput, Things have improved allot. I sat down with my husband and his friend. I wanted her to know I dont hate her but need to to step back. I said to the both of them that this situation is not fair to me. I told her she needs to find her own husband. I told my hubby I would give him three months and if things havent changed i would need to reevaluated our marriage.

Things have been soooooooooo much better. She still calls maybe once a week and that is fine. He even said he has noticed how much happier I am and much less we fight. 

So I guess openess and honesty worked. 

Thanks Everyone for giving me the confidence to get this handled.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

worried123 said:


> I want to thank everyone for their imput, Things have improved allot. I sat down with my husband and his friend. I wanted her to know I dont hate her but need to to step back. I said to the both of them that this situation is not fair to me. I told her she needs to find her own husband. I told my hubby I would give him three months and if things havent changed i would need to reevaluated our marriage.
> 
> Things have been soooooooooo much better. She still calls maybe once a week and that is fine. He even said he has noticed how much happier I am and much less we fight.
> 
> ...


Nicely Done!!! :smthumbup: :toast:


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