# I'm not a bad person



## theow (Mar 1, 2012)

First I want to say dont judge me quite yet. I have been the OW for several years. I have tried to end the relationship several times over the years and he begs me not to. We are very much in love, and several months ago he told his wife everything. She freaked out and who could blame her, I truley feel bad about the entire situation but I'm too much in love with him to end it. He told her the A was over but it's not, infact we're more in love then ever. My question is, should I tell his W that the affair is still going on since he's too scared to? Or should I just allow her to be in complete denial? Also, why does the W always hate the OW and forgives the H, the OW didn't break their vows the H did. I'm not suggesting we become friends but hate him too. Also Ladies is there anything you've ever wanted to ask the OW but couldn't?


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I vote for tell the wife. Then you can have a guy that has no qualms cheating on his spouse all to yourself. 

BTW...the wife usually hates the OW because she doesn't have the decency to not sleep with married men. Instead of finding their own available man, the OW goes in and tries to "win" one whom is already committed to someone else and possibly has a family with them.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

So...basically you're proud of being the OW?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theow (Mar 1, 2012)

No I'm not proud of it, I'm just being honest. I didn't go after him.


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## theow (Mar 1, 2012)

I believe that's part of it, but I also think it's easier to blame and hate the OW. I have no problem taking some of the blame but should the married man be held responsible for his actions?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

theow said:


> *]First I want to say dont judge me quite yet*. I have been the OW for several years. I have tried to end the relationship several times over the years and he begs me not to. Also, why does the W always hate the OW and forgives the H, the OW didn't break their vows the H did.


Too late

oh and my troll senses are tingling.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

theow said:


> No I'm not proud of it, I'm just being honest. I didn't go after him.


You also apparently didn't rebuff his advances when you found out he was married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

theow said:


> I believe that's part of it, but I also think it's easier to blame and hate the OW. I have no problem taking some of the blame but should the married man be held responsible for his actions?


 They are held accountable in different ways. transparency, counseling, having to ask forgiveness, etc, etc. Most wife's don't expect an explanation or apology from the OW unless they know one another.

But having some ill feelings towards someone who willingly participates in destroying a family should be expected.


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## theow (Mar 1, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> You also apparently didn't rebuff his advances when you found out he was married.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are correct, but I never thought we would fall in love either.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

theow said:


> You are correct, but I never thought we would fall in love either.


So it was okay to sleep with a married man, just not fall in love with him?? LOL


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## theow (Mar 1, 2012)

DawnD said:


> They are held accountable in different ways. transparency, counseling, having to ask forgiveness, etc, etc. Most wife's don't expect an explanation or apology from the OW unless they know one another.
> 
> He is having to do all those things, but is still seeing me. I have suggested he work on his marriage but says he wants to build a life with me. Should I tell her everything, even if I end things with him?


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

theow said:


> DawnD said:
> 
> 
> > They are held accountable in different ways. transparency, counseling, having to ask forgiveness, etc, etc. Most wife's don't expect an explanation or apology from the OW unless they know one another.
> ...


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Since you are happily breaking oneof the ten cammandments, that makes you..................evil. Sorry you are here.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

I don't know you. The following may or may not be true. I don't know. But this is how I usually imagine the "stereotypical" other woman:

You are not a bad person.

You are in love with him.

He is in love with you.

It just happened.

He loves his wife, but he is not in love with her.

He has a bad marriage, it was bad before he even met you, you were not the cause of his marital problems.

He told you his marriage was bad but he never told his wife their marriage was bad until she found out about his affair with you.

He likes being with you more than he likes being with his wife.

You are together a few hours each week.

Each time you meet, you make love.

His wife is a nag and expects him to help out around the house. They never have sex.

He never was in love with his wife like he is in love with you. He should have never settled and married her. He made a mistake. You are soul mates. You were meant to be. He is your one true love and he is yours.

His love for you is so great that he is trying to work on his marriage and keep having sex with you on the side. He likes the fact that he can fool his wife into taking care of the house and cook his meals and he can take you out to dinner a few times a week and have sex with you. On the nights he's not with you, sometimes he has to have sex with his wife, just to keep her from being suspicious.

His wife is not ashamed that she is married to him and can tell anyone she wants about it. You have to be careful who you tell about your relationship with him because, except for a few close friends, you would be ashamed if people knew about your relationship.

If he left his wife for you, you would lie to people and say you only started to see each other after he already decided to leave his wife. You wouldn't tell them that you continued to carry on an affair while he tried to work on his marriage or that he lied to his wife about it.

You are not a bad person.

This is not what you want from your life.

Don't be this person.

He is not a good person. He is not who you want to be with.

If you had a daughter in your position, who asked you for advice, what would you tell her to do?


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

yeah....you really are a bad person. you knew he was married. 

end of discussion


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

If ou come back a little later I will tell you a real story about a woman I know who was in your situation exactly..


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

theow said:


> He is having to do all those things, but is still seeing me. I have suggested he work on his marriage but says he wants to build a life with me. Should I tell her everything, even if I end things with him?


If he is going throught all of that with his wife, then he has no intention of leaving her.

Yes tell his wife. She has the right to know what is going on in her life. Don't you think she has that right?

It's far more likely that he will get him as well if you do tell. But make sure you have evidence that the two of you are still involved because he will just tell her that you are lying. Then he will tell you some nonsense about how he had to tell her that. His excuse will probably be something about how he has to do this so that she does not take him to the cleaners during a divorce and to get cutody of his children.

But hey, the chances are much more likely that you will get your man.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Why do you trust you hear with a guy who is capable of deceiving his most loved ones ? 


What do you think is your future with him? That he will leave his wife for you? Think again.


He might well be bad mouthing you behind your back. He might well be telling his wife that you pursued and ensnared him. 


Would you feel bad if he is seeing women other than you on the side?


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

theow said:


> First I want to say dont judge me quite yet. I have been the OW for several years. I have tried to end the relationship several times over the years and he begs me not to. We are very much in love, and several months ago he told his wife everything. She freaked out and who could blame her, I truley feel bad about the entire situation but I'm too much in love with him to end it. He told her the A was over but it's not, infact we're more in love then ever. My question is, should I tell his W that the affair is still going on since he's too scared to? Or should I just allow her to be in complete denial? Also, why does the W always hate the OW and forgives the H, the OW didn't break their vows the H did. I'm not suggesting we become friends but hate him too. Also Ladies is there anything you've ever wanted to ask the OW but couldn't?


Wow! you are joking right? You can't be for real, but here go's anyway. My H ended his relationship with OW by just saying " don't contact me any more in any way. She came back and suggested that they do what you "say" you are doing: continuing to lie and sneak around.He told her again to go away and leave us alone. If you had any honor or character you would do just that. If what you say is true, I would recommend that you set up some counseling for yourself to help you understand why you have to compete with another woman over someone who does not belong to you. I don't have to hate my H, he is doing that without my help, and guess what, now he hates the OW too. I think that you should tell the wife all about it! Do it now, don't let any grass grows under your feet, and get back to us with the result. His wife has every right to know about this and to decide if she wants to spend any more time with this cheating man. Oh and BTW, you are the one in "complete denial". If he wanted you he would have already left his wife.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Hi.
The woman I know met a married man who told her he loved her. he told her he would leave his wife and they could build a life together. For a year she believed him, and he believed himself. 

Towards the end of that year she was discovered and confronted by the man's wife. 
She said. " It is really nothing to do with me, take it up with your Husband"
She got tired of hiding, she got tired of being told the things he was going to do. 
He was only available very little time. cancelled dates at the last moment and had family holidays to go on. 
He told her he was just doing it for appearances but he wouldn't be able to be in so much contact. He loved her, but it was "difficult" then. it made her want him more. The longing was unbearable.

She ended it. Told him that he should only come back when he was ready to leave his wife. He vanished, for a while.

Six months later he contacted her again and this time he started the process of finding a place to rent for them. She bought a new car for them. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him. They were going to be together.
On the day he was to sign the lease on their new house and life he told her. " I can't do this" and went back to his wife.

She went away, a long way away, her heart broke like it had never broken before. She cried for a week and then another.

She came back and the house they were going to rent together and build a life was full of flowers. Not him though. he told her he loved her. She saw for the first time, as you are seeing now what he was. Weak.

Never speak to me again. He had wasted two years of her life, all the lies they had told each other came into her mind. 

15 years later and she still feels the guilt and feels so incredibly stupid. It was when I had this story that I understood what real remorse is.
I am so sad that you have put yourself where you are. There is no way to avoid the broken heart. none

Find someone who deserves you.
He does not.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

youre both garbage.

tell the wife, at least you can do the right thing there, maybe.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

knock yourself out, just know if you do end up married that he will likely cheat on you too


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Go ahead tell his wife, let that poor woman divorce him, then you can be together with your "True Love" living on Fantasy Island, but just remember you should always be sleeping with one eye open, he cheated on her, so he will more than likely cheat on you to find another true love.....

While your at it, please get some I/C to find out why you would put yourself in a posistion like this....


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

You spoiled a family, left his wife and children with so much pain no one can even imagine and you are saying you are not a bad person and don't judge you, people judge others by what they do, What you did, you spoiled their family.
He came to you is not an excuse and not a behaviour of a normal lady with charector to sleep with some one elses husband. You should have asked him to get lost when he came back saying he want to build a life with you. How will he build a life with you without marrying you?
Ask him to leave her her and marry you, his wife deserve some one better than him.
Inform her how he is cheating her


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## Karmabus (Mar 1, 2012)

Why is the BS often angrier with the OP?

It's like this: Pretend you're sitting on your front porch when a complete stranger walks up and punches you in the face. You'd probably jump up and punch them right back, wouldn't you?

Now pretend that you're sitting on the porch and your beloved Aunt Mary comes up the walk and punches you in the face. You probably WOULDN'T jump up and punch her right back. You'd jump up and say "Aunt Mary, why did you do that to me?" You'd be angry, but more than that, you'd be hurt.

You understand, OW?

He will not leave his wife to be with you, unless she kicks him out. You know this, and this is the reason that you want to tell her. I think you should. However, even if the wife kicks him out and he comes to you, he will not stay with you. He will move on to a woman he can trust, who is not embroiled in this deception. A woman who will not trigger bad memories and feelings like you do- your memory will forever be entangled with that of his injured wife, and will cause him much guilt and confusion. A woman with no virtue is a risky investment. She is fine to screw on the side, but she demonstrated her worth when she agreed to play second fiddle.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Kallan Pavithran said:


> You spoiled a family, left his wife and children with so much pain no one can even imagine and you are saying you are not a bad person and don't judge you, people judge others by what they do, What you did, you spoiled their family.
> He came to you is not an excuse and not a behaviour of a normal lady with charector to sleep with some one elses husband. You should have asked him to get lost when he came back saying he want to build a life with you. How will he build a life with you without marrying you?
> Ask him to leave her her and marry you, his wife deserve some one better than him.
> Inform her how he is cheating her


Your excuse reminds me of a news story I read a while back. They were prosecuting a former nazi officer and his excuse was that Hitler came to him and told him to do it. It didn't work for him either.

This guy may have approached you, he may have started talking to you, he may have handed you the gun, he may have even pointed that gun at the heads of his wife and children....*but you pulled the trigger*.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Troll, thread closed


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