# Found emails to my wifee, should I be concerned?



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I've been finding emails to my wifee as of late, from this other woman. Should I be concerned?


"Hi my friend, just wanted to say I am thinking of you and hope you feel better today. I feel achy. I hope it is just tiredness. It has been a busy few days at work. Anyway just sending you hugs and wishes for your well being xxxooo
love Charmaine"


There are other emails to her that are more personal but nothing sexual that I can tell.

Are most women like this towards each other? Normal thing?

If this is normal for women and maybe even more personal emailing towards each other, cool. I'm looking at this from a man's perspective.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Calm down.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Maybe you should stop reading her email. Or stop hanging out here. 

Both, really. 

There is nothing even remotely concerning.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I had a chance to read some of your threads and noticed you mostly post in the SIM forum about your LD wife. Then when she makes the changes that you've wanted for so long (losing weight, now having sex with you on a frequent basis), now you feel insecure? :scratchhead:


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I talk like that to my bestie all of the time.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

I don't know your social or cultural context but in the mainstream USA the email message quoted doesn't sound unusual at all between female friends.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> I had a chance to read some of your threads and noticed you mostly post in the SIM forum about your LD wife. Then when she makes the changes that you've wanted for so long (losing weight, now having sex with you on a frequent basis), now you feel insecure? :scratchhead:


This... I've read most of your threads, and it sounds like she's finally doing everything you've ever wanted of her. This email isn't concerning in the slightest, are you now looking for reasons to be unhappy with her?


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

That is the most normal example of a female-to-female email you could have possibly provided. 

No one asked you, so I will..

Who is the friend? Is it a new friend? Is she single, married, what? If she's bi or a lesbian, then yes maybe you should be concerned. Why don't inquire more about this person with your wife? 

If your spidey sense is tingling, you may need to recalibrate it, but you should at least get some more info if this is bugging you. I


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

If this worries you your life must be wonderful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Found? How does one find his wife's email? Call it like it is.....snooped.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Relax, CB. The e-mail you shared just shows a friendly message from one person to another. Nothing suspicious about it. Remembering your posts about your newly-found physical interest in each other, I would definitely suggest you concentrate on that.  Don't let any suspicions come between you two. It sounds like you've got a good wife there. Just continue to love her like crazy! :smthumbup:


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

No I would not be worried about the email example you have posted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> I've been finding emails to my wifee as of late, from this other woman. Should I be concerned?
> 
> 
> "Hi my friend, just wanted to say I am thinking of you and hope you feel better today. I feel achy. I hope it is just tiredness. It has been a busy few days at work. Anyway just sending you hugs and wishes for your well being xxxooo
> ...


Sometimes we even said "You are the best.", "I love you", "You are my soul mate", but we do not mean anything seriously. Best friends can say anything to each other.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

CuddleBug......yes females do chat like this. ;-) I have followed your threads for a long time....relax and trust my friend. Try not to be waiting for the other shoe to fall. I know the change is great...but it will take time to trust and feel confident in its permanence. Stay strong
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> I've been finding emails to my wifee as of late, from this other woman. Should I be concerned?
> 
> 
> "Hi my friend, just wanted to say I am thinking of you and hope you feel better today. I feel achy. I hope it is just tiredness. It has been a busy few days at work. Anyway just sending you hugs and wishes for your well being xxxooo
> ...


It's perfectly normal.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Thanks for all the responses everyone.

I will chill.

I guess being on TAM is a blessing and a curse.....after reading so many posts of my spouse suddenly started changing over the last many months and it turns out they are seeing someone else or are wanting attention from that other someone.

I honestly don't check her emails, but after reading this one, I got curious and decided to check her others and they are similar and more personal.

So it's a normal thing then, no big deal and I will leave it at that.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Yep. Trust your lady. From what you've already posted, I think it's pretty obvious that she loves you very much...lucky guy! :smthumbup:


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Cuddle bug,

I am very bothered by the fact that you snooped through your wife's emails. Maybe the two of you have a policy where everything is open, but personally I would be upset if my SO went digging through my correspondence with female friends. Especially since she has never cheated on you or given you a reason to distrust her.

Just my 2 cents...


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

richie33 said:


> Found? How does one find his wife's email? Call it like it is.....snooped.



Snooping is ok, except when it's not?

Too many double standards on this forum....


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Snooping is not ok in my book. Everyone does not have to agree with the majority on this site.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

_Reasonable Cause_

That is when you investigate (I won't call it snooping when it's reasonable).

If you have witnessed enough suspicious activity to warrant violating privacy then you do what you have to do.

Has your wife given you any good reason to warrant your violating her privacy like this?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

My wifee and I have been married for over 14 years and I've never gone through and read her emails. But for some reason this one stuck out and I read it. A little red flag went off in my head and this is due to being on TAM and everyone's experiences.

I do not check my wifee's iPod touches texts and I have her access code. I setup her iPod when I first got it for her so she can use it and go from there. Internet access, etc.

I am a computer nerd from the 1980's when I was a kid. I can do things that most cannot do and I'm that good. I will not go into details for obvious reasons.

If something gives me a minor red flag, I will investigate. I will not assume its nothing and be naive. Especially from all the stories on TAM. The ends justify the means or you could get cheated on and divorced. Preemptive checking.

If I got emails from a guy that said, I miss you, hope you're feeling better, xoxoxox, love you, my wife would think, do I like guys????

So why is it any different if a woman gets similar emails from another woman?

Think about that.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

My wife has full access to our finances and bank accounts, credit cards and line of credit whenever she wants.

I noticed these emails to her recently, sometime in 2013.

I don't snoop through her emails or texts. This was a one time thing and my little red flag went off and I looked for other emails from this other woman.

I have nothing to hide and she can read my emails whenever she wants.

I agree that when dating, you aren't to give full access to your other half but when married and for a long time, there are no secrets.

If I would of directly asked her about these emails, turns out I'm wrong, this causes problems. But if I do a check, read them, don't say anything to her and the ladies here say its nothing, no harm is done.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

If a male friend had sent one of these e-mails _to you_, 

then you would have reason to be worried.

xxxooo, 

Sandfly


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> I've been finding emails to my wifee as of late, from this other woman. Should I be concerned?
> 
> 
> "Hi my friend, just wanted to say I am thinking of you and hope you feel better today. I feel achy. I hope it is just tiredness. It has been a busy few days at work. Anyway just sending you hugs and wishes for your well being xxxooo
> ...


Haha, yes, that's completely normal. Women who are close friends are exactly like that. Statistically, we outlive our men so we tend to form close nurturing bonds. Even if women go to a sauna or travel together, it's all normal. Women who are competitive with each other over a man or their kids or something like that tend to be b*tches to each other, but when women are friends they tend to be like this, and will even have more than one friend with whom they are close. Even if we visit each other and there's no spare bed, we will sleep in the same bed, yah, even with the cats. Don't worry, it's normal!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Okay, so for the ladies, its normal, understood. But for us guys, we don't talk that way.

This makes sense actually when I think about it. Many say that women are bi sexual and men are either straight or gay. Makes sense. Or am I totally out to lunch?


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Allen,
> 
> I agree with you to an extent. There are still grey areas, though. Who determines what is, "reasonable"? The suspected wayward or the suspected betrayed? How much is reasonable over what length of time? I'm just not understanding this well. For each it's different.
> 
> Can you explain further, if Cuddle allows?


It has to be the betrayed spouse who would determine if their cause is reasonable.

It makes no sense to ask the wayward that. You do that and you give them a warning to HIDE everything.

You just have to go with your conscience there.

And in a marriage, there ought to be no secrets.

What's the difference between private, and secret?

Not much as far as I know.

My email client at home is left wide open for my wife to look at any time she wants. It's not secret, private, or hidden.

I know a lot of betrayed spouses that uncovered infidelity purely by accident. Waywards can get sloppy or foolish. That eventually bites them in the behind.

There are great resources all over the internet to confirm if your spouse may be cheating.

Go over a few checklists and if your wayward scores high enough, then you have enough to warrant opening an email. At least to my mind.

There is a point in which behavior in a spouse becomes so erratic or abnormal you just have to find out what's going on. If they wont open up, you open it up for them.

This same reasoning has to be applied to your teenage kids. They should have some privacy, but at the same time, you cant' protect them if they hide important facts from you.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Haha, yes, that's completely normal. Women who are close friends are exactly like that. Statistically, we outlive our men so we tend to form close nurturing bonds. Even if women go to a sauna or travel together, it's all normal. Women who are competitive with each other over a man or their kids or something like that tend to be b*tches to each other, but when women are friends they tend to be like this, and will even have more than one friend with whom they are close. Even if we visit each other and there's no spare bed, we will sleep in the same bed, yah, even with the cats. Don't worry, it's normal!


Sleep in the same bed you say?

Do go on.

Do you... cuddle?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I have asked my wifee, do you like or would like a woman?

Of course I wasn't being serious, but just curious to see her reaction. She told me, no, I don't like women, only guys. Same with her hanging out with the gf's. She doesn't kiss them, grind with them on the dance floor, or sleep in the same bed.

When I had sleep overs with my best friend, he slept in his bed....I always slept on the floor in a sleeping bag.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Cuddlebug,

Did you have any sisters?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

staystrong said:


> Cuddlebug,
> 
> Did you have any sisters?



Yes, I have a younger sister.

My wifee also has a sister around her age.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

CB,

I've been re-reading your thread.

I think you should print out the email, hand it to your wife and demand she take a polygraph.

Have the divorce papers served at her place of work.

VAR velcro'ed to bottom of the car seat, one in the bedroom, one in the fridge and in the attic.

Nuclear exposure of OW on Facebook, Cheaterville and Good Morning America.

...


Sorry, mate .. I don't mean to be a jerk.  I just had to laugh a bit when I read your post and then I click over to some of the horror stories on this board. I'm not laughing at you, just at the absurdity of all this and how TAM CWI is place you never want to find yourself in, but once you are there, it's like going through the looking glass.

It's almost a pleasure to read your thread, because it reminds me that there is normalcy and innocence still out there in the world. God bless it.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

That email between women is not unusual. Stop fretting over nothing. The title of another one of your threads is your wife is finally doing what needs to be done.

Don't poison the well !


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Okay, so for the ladies, its normal, understood. But for us guys, we don't talk that way.
> 
> This makes sense actually when I think about it. Many say that women are bi sexual and men are either straight or gay. Makes sense. Or am I totally out to lunch?


You're coming across as insecure....

Do other women ever hit on you?

Now, that's a joke because you've been here for a while and seen me do it, as it's what I always ask newbs, in CWI. And they never answer that question 95% of the time. And that itself is an answer. I went through a long spell where my wife was giving off what I now see as red flags. I should have known they were red flags at the time, given my history, but like all guys think MY wife wouldn't do that. Maybe she did and maybe she didn't. If she did there was no "relationship", and it was a long time ago and there hasn't been any fallout. But I'm no longer concerned about it one way or the other, because I know I could replace her in five minutes, and she knows it, too. She's even brought it up.

Start upping your rank, become extremely appealing to other women, you will do the same to her and yourself and you will project a confident vibe that will not only free you from worry about your relationship, but it will decrease the odds of outsiders wrecking your relationship.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> I went through a long spell where my wife was giving off what I now see as red flags. I should have known they were red flags at the time, given my history, but like all guys think MY wife wouldn't do that. .


Mach,

What were the red flags in your situation back in the day ?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

barbados said:


> Mach,
> 
> What were the red flags in your situation back in the day ?


Most of this, but not all was 30 years ago. 

She's always tended to be a flirter and touchy feely. Today, PUA guys would generally classify some of this as "indicators of interest." Needless to say, some guys got the "wrong idea." Sometimes, when she was young, she'd get approached by pro athletes, celebs, even dudes with me standing right next to her and was 6'1" and 205 with 17" arms. She's still good looking and she still gets approached. Much like the OP's wife, she always has "plausible deniability," so to speak, by acting clueless. Yet other times she is very clear eyed in discussing these behaviors when the kids or other women are involved. KWIM? Again, this kind of selective vision about themselves and others is common among women. She once told my boys that women did not find muscularity to be attractive, so that gives a pretty good clue that she is not self-aware.

There were also some potentially questionable things related to her traveling for business. That's the only time she's out and about without me, and I wouldn't have known had she not told me (albeit after the fact). I probably also had misplaced trust in her female coworkers.

And the kicker, she changed her downstairs grooming habits for about six months when she was about 27. This was long before anybody ever heard of a Brazilian wax job. Could have just been an experiment, but I would tell guys today to keep an eye out if that ever cropped up.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Most of this, but not all was 30 years ago.
> 
> She's always tended to be a flirter and touchy feely. Today, PUA guys would generally classify some of this as "indicators of interest." Needless to say, some guys got the "wrong idea." Sometimes, when she was young, she'd get approached by pro athletes, celebs, even dudes with me standing right next to her and was 6'1" and 205 with 17" arms. She's still good looking and she still gets approached. Much like the OP's wife, she always has "plausible deniability," so to speak, by acting clueless. Yet other times she is very clear eyed in discussing these behaviors when the kids or other women are involved. KWIM? Again, this kind of selective vision about themselves and others is common among women. She once told my boys that women did not find muscularity to be attractive, so that gives a pretty good clue that she is not self-aware.
> 
> ...


Holy crap. 

I feel that I could have written most of this word for word, except theres a difference in our sizes and ages.

Mach is right. Work on yourself and things will come much more easily to you at home and elsewhere. You will have fewer doubts and project an air which your wife finds attractive.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

staystrong said:


> Holy crap.
> 
> I feel that I could have written most of this word for word, except theres a difference in our sizes and ages.


What actually made me remember all that, and suddenly put it in a more suspicious light, was her over-the-top reaction when I actually started reading up on female behavior. That's when I started thinking, what in the hell?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Read the Yankee99 thread for a good take on that or the 'could it be so' thread. that is red flag land.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Hey wow a happy thread with a win.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Sandfly said:


> Sleep in the same bed you say?
> 
> Do go on.
> 
> Do you... cuddle?


Well, no. But my friend who had breast cancer on top of bipolar I was going to offer, but she seemed okay on her own so I didn't. I gave her a cashmere scarf instead and took her to a nice patio lunch at an upscale cafe attached to her public library. (NYC suburbs...go NJ!?)

She made me whipped milk in my morning coffee, as I'd become accustomed to latte's during my summer overseas.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

In Korea, at least for my generation, it is common for sisters to all sleep in the same bed, and to bathe together, etc. When I was 19 I stayed with my supervisor's wife at night as we worked opposite shifts on a 12-hour ops schedule on a military flightline. I slept in the same bed with her, otherwise she would have been afraid of snakes and stuff (S Georgia very different from Kaeson area...) She made me brownies, and did my laundry and cooked my meals and stuff. I also stayed with her while my supervisor went overseas for a few months. We did almost everything together (shopping, roller skating, etc.) when I wasn't working or going to school. Even in the homophobic 1980's US military nobody blinked an eye. 

Also when I traveled from that base to AZ I invited a Canadian girl / woman friend of mine who grew up in an embassy setting in Africa and we stayed in the same bed in military lodging, mostly to save money. It was no big deal, nobody blinked an eye, even one evening at a base in NM, we went dancing together at the NCO club (could have used the Officer Club but no party going on there? And women can generally go to either and nobody complains...) we danced together as well as with the guys, again nobody batted an eye. 

Sometimes I go for dinner or lunch dates or movie dates with my women friends. Everything but sex and kissing, it works fine for what the psyche/emotional side of people need. I feel sorry for guys, it's much more homophobic for them, at least in Western countries. 

In parts of Asia and Middle East, men have it okay, they can have friendships like this, it's fine. Hand holding and such. Sometimes I hold hands with guy friend from China, is not a big deal. Just shows solidarity and connection, like siblings/cousin, not romance. Who cares what people think, if they ask or make a comment they will find out.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Remember this awkward moment?

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/01/weekinreview/01basics.html?_r=0


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I think you can relax cuddlebug. 

Unless there's been some evidence in the past of your wife having a lesbian relationship while you were married; or of this friend making sexual advances to married women - this type of conversation in not unusual for female to female friends.


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

I talk like that with female friends. I also sometimes slap them on the butt or tell them I love their b00bs. Means nothing. I still want only the big D!


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> Okay, so for the ladies, its normal, understood. But for us guys, we don't talk that way.
> 
> This makes sense actually when I think about it. Many say that women are bi sexual and men are either straight or gay. Makes sense. Or am I totally out to lunch?












Just saying.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

Mrs. sh987 had a nice little chuckle when I showed her this thread. Her and some GFs also call each "sweetie" say "Love ya!" in emails and such things.

Girly-girl stuff...

I have a friend who I bro-hugged once, when he arrived at the airport for a visit after a number of years. Three or four big claps each on the back, and we were done. My wife seemed to think it was adorable.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> I've been finding emails to my wifee as of late, from this other woman. Should I be concerned?
> 
> 
> "Hi my friend, just wanted to say I am thinking of you and hope you feel better today. I feel achy. I hope it is just tiredness. It has been a busy few days at work. Anyway just sending you hugs and wishes for your well being xxxooo
> ...


I see nothing wrong with that email.

Witch hunt


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