# Thinking about own wife with another male and mastrubating



## saya2saya (Aug 28, 2011)

Hello all,

This is my first post , but i am a regular reader. myself is a happily married man with a beautiful wife and we are together for more than 5 years and having a sexually satisfied married life. The issue is from recently (may ne since half year), once in every week or so, I used to mastrubate by thinking my wife with another man... I used to masterbate by imagining my naked good looking wife doing oral to another naked man / men and so on....after I come out from that situation I feel very bad and sad.....but when I am aroused, the thoughts about my own wife with another man will make me so aroused and i feel so so nice about it......I would like to overcome from this dialema and I need some good advices and as well as I would like to know that do anybody else have such thoughts about their wife or I am unique in this......what if my wife knows about my inner desire...!!!


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## marriedinpei (Jan 15, 2012)

Its a primitive streak in some of us - I have that one too. I try to fight it, but that fantasy will spur me to a swift climax when nothing else will. Normally I take forever to climax, but thinking about my wife with another man puts me over the top quickly.

First of all, try not to make it a regular fantasy as you don't want to get obsessed about the idea. Try to put more healthy fantasies in your head whenever possible. 

Second, do NOT work to make it a reality because if it ever happened for real, it would not be arousing in the least.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

after my ex wifes last affair, when we would have sex, i would picture myself as sitting to the side and 'see' her and her last boyfriend in my place as if i was watching them.
that was the only way i could get past the disgust and be able to finish.
that is the only time i have thought about my partner with another man.
except now that my exgf is my ex. 
but that makes me want to throw up.


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## junegirl (Jan 27, 2012)

@saya2saya I am a wife of 16 years to a wonderful man...He has said things before to me about wanting me to be with another man. four years ago I finally gave in and we had a man over and my husband hid in the closet and watched as I had sex with him. Afterwards I felt horrible and he told me if I didnt want it again, to not do it. It has happened again.. in fact it has happened to 5 different men .....they never knew they were being watched...I have lived with this in my mind and it has drove me crazy at times...i feel guilty and I wanted to stop but it became addiction. It would make me wonder why he would want me to do these things. Then I would wonder if he wanted other women but he always said no. That I was just so good and I was the only one that turned him on. But almost everythime we would have sex, he would get off by talking about me and another man. I also have had a jealousy problem and this made it even worse... He left me the other day, says hes tired of not having trust in the relationshiop. I finally told my best friend and got it off my chest...I feel better and I know if we ever get back together that this will never happen again.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

junegirl said:


> @saya2saya I am a wife of 16 years to a wonderful man...He has said things before to me about wanting me to be with another man. four years ago I finally gave in and we had a man over and my husband hid in the closet and watched as I had sex with him. Afterwards I felt horrible and he told me if I didnt want it again, to not do it. It has happened again.. in fact it has happened to 5 different men .....they never knew they were being watched...I have lived with this in my mind and it has drove me crazy at times...i feel guilty and I wanted to stop but it became addiction. It would make me wonder why he would want me to do these things. Then I would wonder if he wanted other women but he always said no. That I was just so good and I was the only one that turned him on. But almost everythime we would have sex, he would get off by talking about me and another man. I also have had a jealousy problem and this made it even worse... He left me the other day, says hes tired of not having trust in the relationshiop. I finally told my best friend and got it off my chest...I feel better and I know if we ever get back together that this will never happen again.


why would you want to get back together?
thats just sick really.
he doesnt love you.
he cant love you and really want you to do that.
maybe as fantasy and role playing, but not for real.


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## junegirl (Jan 27, 2012)

Thats what others has said...he swears that he is left to work on his problem...I guess my problem was that i was thinking that maybe i was the wrong one for going through with it...He tells me that If i didnt want it then why would i do it...guess i just wanted to please him, and yes there was a side of me that liked having sex with other men but i could have cared less if he was watching...that wasnt my fantasy. I feel like i am so screwed up in the head right now....I do love him, he is the father of my children. he told me if we ever get back that i am gonna have to be the one that calls and says i will trust him completely...i think he is manipulating me i wonder if there is other women out there that feel like me.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I am in the opposite situation in that I am a woman whose husband had an EA with an asian woman and honestly I found myself getting aroused thinking about them having sex. I know it sounds very sick and strange and I am glad that nothing physical happened yet I would find myself imaging them doing stuff and that was a turn on. Figure that one out??


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

..and I forgot to add that what happened was the most emotionally painful thing to ever happen to me to date..yet so it is hard to understand why imagining the physical aspect of it was a turn on for me.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Junegirl's situation speaks volumes. Once this kind of fantasy becomes reality, someone always gets hurt. I'm speculating that if this didn't happen, Junegirl and her husband would probably still be together. But this fantasy brought a whole bunch of problems that they separated. Junegirl, if I'm completely off target, I apologize. Of course, I'm only speculating.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

junegirl said:


> Thats what others has said...he swears that he is left to work on his problem...I guess my problem was that i was thinking that maybe i was the wrong one for going through with it...He tells me that If i didnt want it then why would i do it...guess i just wanted to please him, and yes there was a side of me that liked having sex with other men but i could have cared less if he was watching...that wasnt my fantasy. I feel like i am so screwed up in the head right now....I do love him, he is the father of my children. he told me if we ever get back that i am gonna have to be the one that calls and says i will trust him completely...i think he is manipulating me i wonder if there is other women out there that feel like me.


you were wrong in going through with it, yes.
but he was much more wrong in wanting that from you.
it should never even have gotten to the point where you had to make a decision about it.
i cant believe a man would even ask his wife to do something like that.


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## junegirl (Jan 27, 2012)

ya are making me feel so much better....thanks guys....I only pray that I get stronger every day cause its hard to be without your companion...even though the bad things happen i still love him...(i wonder why sometimes) He wants me to be the first to apologize for not having trust and looking at his phone but i feel i should not be the whole party to blame


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## mickotoo (Jan 19, 2012)

Hi, have the same fantasy and told my wife. She's younger by 5 yrs and was a virgin when we met. We've being going out 15 years and at first she would laugh it off but in the last year she's warming to the idea and has had online sex with a guy on twitter . She asked could we go tru with the 3 sum with him but he wasn't up for it and believe it or not its harder to find a genuine guy than you think so after 2 months of pic collectors and time wasters we gave up on the idea.The 2 months we were looking was the best sex we ever had.My advice is tell her your fantasy and be open and honest.We are in Ireland and it seems to have loads of swingers and they seem to be having the best sex and the closest relationships. HOW MANY MARRIAGES HAVE ENDED BECAUSE ONE HALF IS LOOKING FOR NEW SEXUAL EXPERIENCES? WHY NOT DO IT TOGETHER?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

mickotoo said:


> Hi, have the same fantasy and told my wife. She's younger by 5 yrs and was a virgin when we met. We've being going out 15 years and at first she would laugh it off but in the last year she's warming to the idea and has had online sex with a guy on twitter . She asked could we go tru with the 3 sum with him but he wasn't up for it and believe it or not its harder to find a genuine guy than you think so after 2 months of pic collectors and time wasters we gave up on the idea.The 2 months we were looking was the best sex we ever had.My advice is tell her your fantasy and be open and honest.We are in Ireland and it seems to have loads of swingers and they seem to be having the best sex and the closest relationships. HOW MANY MARRIAGES HAVE ENDED BECAUSE ONE HALF IS LOOKING FOR NEW SEXUAL EXPERIENCES? WHY NOT DO IT TOGETHER?


not a smart idea

people are here to FIX their marriages, not add to their problems.


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## SoCalHubby (Jan 7, 2012)

This is actually a very common fantasy among married men. I think there's erotic pleasure in seeing our wives as the object of another man's desire/lust. But there's more. In marriage, the wife's sexuality is intermingled w love, responsibilty, commitment, devotion, trust, etc. and of course those are all good/important things. But in picturing my wife w another guy, I get to "see" her in the context of pure lust, uncluttered by all those other things. This is (for me at least) part of the turn on. It helps me to see/enjoy my wife as a horny/lustful woman. I/we have zero desire to make this happen, but it's a fun fantasy to discuss before/during sex. So I would advise the OP, discuss this w your wife, not as something to actually do, but as a fun fantasy to enjoy together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I can never let another man touch my woman. No way, no how. 

I really don't understand this recent phenomena to be honest. Not to judge anyone but how can you get aroused by seeing the love of your life, the mother of your children getting screwed by some stranger?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Socal is right this is very common fantasy. the problem comes when you take fantasy into reality and BOOM! all hell breaks loose. Only certain very secure and open minded people with really strong relationships can successfully do this.


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## SoCalHubby (Jan 7, 2012)

Mr. Complexity, isn't the purpose of fantasy to explore and enjoy scenarios that you couldn't/wouldn't do for real? 
Dude, relax and enjoy. And thank you for not judging.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

Some of you are really, really hard on yourselves. It is natural to imagine your partner with others. Still, you need to think through the consequences.

After doing it, it can be difficult because of unforeseen consequences. I guess some things are best left to the imagination. I thank you guys for sharing, especially junegirl, because your experiences help everyone on this board out.


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## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

mickotoo said:


> Hi, have the same fantasy and told my wife. She's younger by 5 yrs and was a virgin when we met. We've being going out 15 years and at first she would laugh it off but in the last year she's warming to the idea and has had online sex with a guy on twitter . She asked could we go tru with the 3 sum with him but he wasn't up for it and believe it or not its harder to find a genuine guy than you think so after 2 months of pic collectors and time wasters we gave up on the idea.The 2 months we were looking was the best sex we ever had.My advice is tell her your fantasy and be open and honest.We are in Ireland and it seems to have loads of swingers and they seem to be having the best sex and the closest relationships. HOW MANY MARRIAGES HAVE ENDED BECAUSE ONE HALF IS LOOKING FOR NEW SEXUAL EXPERIENCES? WHY NOT DO IT TOGETHER?


Thanks for sharing. What I want to know is how are teh relationships long term after the swinging. I mean swinging was huge in North America in the 70s and 80s and SOME of those marriages must have continued, right?
What I want to know is how does the relationship fare after such a huge lifestyle shift.


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## WAT2011 (Feb 7, 2012)

I also have this fantasy and have told my wife and sometimes she will whisper things in my ear while we're doing it like "Would you like to see me take a big D**K in my P***Y"...I said "Oh yeah" and usually start unloading....I don't understand why, but it happens and the fantasy starts with her being with other guys and very well endowed guys too, I write erotica and have included her in my stories and she reads them and says they are very hot!!! One day I will figure it out, but till then, we're having fun with it.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

WAT2011 said:


> I also have this fantasy and have told my wife and sometimes she will whisper things in my ear while we're doing it like "Would you like to see me take a big D**K in my P***Y"...I said "Oh yeah" and usually start unloading....I don't understand why, but it happens and the fantasy starts with her being with other guys and very well endowed guys too, I write erotica and have included her in my stories and she reads them and says they are very hot!!! One day I will figure it out, but till then, we're having fun with it.


this is one thing. i have done this, except with a woman as the fantasy person.
but doing it is completely different.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I personally attribute this very common fantasy to the brain's desire to be free of all stress.

One of the biggest sources of stress for men is having their territory (spouse) invaded by other males. It is constantly present in their sub-conscious.

Fantasizing about letting go of certain worries is arousing. It's not necessarily a sexual fantasy. It's actually a release mechanism the brain can employ to free itself of personal insecurities.

Protecting the spouse is a constantly present insecurity in all human beings. Its absence can result in many different behaviors of which one can be getting aroused.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

SoCalHubby said:


> This is actually a very common fantasy among married men. I think there's erotic pleasure in seeing our wives as the object of another man's desire/lust. But there's more. In marriage, the wife's sexuality is intermingled w love, responsibilty, commitment, devotion, trust, etc. and of course those are all good/important things. But in picturing my wife w another guy, I get to "see" her in the context of pure lust, uncluttered by all those other things. This is (for me at least) part of the turn on. It helps me to see/enjoy my wife as a horny/lustful woman. I/we have zero desire to make this happen, but it's a fun fantasy to discuss before/during sex. So I would advise the OP, discuss this w your wife, not as something to actually do, but as a fun fantasy to enjoy together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

Having had these thoughts off and on I would agree that this is one of the foundations for this kind of thinking. I think in the OP experience that her husband was dealing with inadequacy issues that may have been real but likely in his own mind. The fact that he suggested it then years later allowed it to be the catalyst for leaving the relationship kind of points to that in my mind. 

I have no problems satisfying my wife and she can be quite insatiable (sorry if this is TMI) I think that sometimes my mind gets going and wonders what it would be like for her with someone that was a "fantasy" guy for her and I think to myself "I would love to watch" that. I do know that after the moment was over I would hate myself.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

yuk, can't imagine even thinking about it.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

Some other takes on this:

Why would you do that? (Want to watch your wife with another man) | Psychology Today


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

Complexity said:


> I can never let another man touch my woman. No way, no how.
> 
> I really don't understand this recent phenomena to be honest. Not to judge anyone but how can you get aroused by seeing the love of your life, the mother of your children getting screwed by some stranger?



:iagree::iagree:

How can any man who truly loves his wife can enjoy imagining her being banged by other man.This is totally disgusting.
I think such men are total crap and have lost their morals.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

vickyyy said:


> :iagree::iagree:
> 
> How can any man who truly loves his wife can enjoy imagining her being banged by other man.This is totally disgusting.
> I think such men are total crap and have lost their morals.


Slightly unfriendly and judgemental, don't you think?

Why respond if you are just going to insult people?


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## WAT2011 (Feb 7, 2012)

OH, we would never go through with it, but it's just a fantasy is all....no way would I allow that to happen, that's why it's so hard to figure out why I get off on it....she understands it and I do too...that's all we need to understand and thats all that matters....our fantasies are just that....Fantasies


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