# Tell me something



## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

We men put so much importance on a good sexual balance with our wifes.As a baby we spend the first 9 months of are life trying to get out of a female,Than the rest of our life trying to get back in one.I ask a lot of male friends how's the sex life going??? You know 9 out of 10 guys are not laying any pipe on a regular basis.My question is.Where is the value in your mind to treat a man like this.When and if you have a husband who is a wonderful man,He is your best friend,He helps with everything in your life.He talks with you and listens well,He is a good father to your kids.He is your soul mate.But you will not give him 3 minutes of sex once or twice a week.Why do we have to beg,Barter,Get pissed off.Act like a ass,Just to receive a little love.Why is it worth it to you to make a man live like this.What do you get out of it?We all know when most men our getting laid .their as happly as can be and everything seems to flow in the marriage.I just don't get whats so hard with giving it up more offen. As for trading services,I help out around the house so much more when I am happy.I don't expect sex every night.I just want some sort of balance.I don't like the term trade services.But why would you not give it up more,If it made the realationship better.Does it make you happier not to give it up???


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## Kaykris (Mar 26, 2012)

For a woman, it's not physical attraction that turns us on, it's mental. So for you to ask a woman to just "give it up for a couple minutes" when she's not in the mood for it, thats just selfish. It takes two to tango.

This HURTS physically and emotionally. By a woman not being READY/Turned on (mans job) we are tense as heck and well definitely not "ready". 

So by asking us to just, give it up for a couple minutes, how about men just bend over and let us shove something in your hole for a couple minutes.......fair is fair.

Stop being lazy, if your woman is not sexually revving to go, it's either a problem with the relationship (emotional) or problem with you (performance).

Not to insult anyone, but it's true


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Some relationships are abusive = no sex

Some relationships are full of resentment - no sex

Some relationships have illnesses - no sex

Some women want more than 3 minutes - no sex

Some women want less than 3 minutes - no sex

I could go on and on, but you get the point.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Just Wondering said:


> We men put so much importance on a good sexual balance with our wifes.As a baby we spend the first 9 months of are life trying to get out of a female,Than the rest of our life trying to get back in one.I ask a lot of male friends how's the sex life going??? You know 9 out of 10 guys are not laying any pipe on a regular basis.My question is.Where is the value in your mind to treat a man like this.When and if you have a husband who is a wonderful man,He is your best friend,He helps with everything in your life.He talks with you and listens well,He is a good father to your kids.He is your soul mate.But you will not give him 3 minutes of sex once or twice a week.Why do we have to beg,Barter,Get pissed off.Act like a ass,Just to receive a little love.Why is it worth it to you to make a man live like this.What do you get out of it?We all know when most men our getting laid .their as happly as can be and everything seems to flow in the marriage.I just don't get whats so hard with giving it up more offen. As for trading services,I help out around the house so much more when I am happy.I don't expect sex every night.I just want some sort of balance.I don't like the term trade services.But why would you not give it up more,If it made the realationship better.Does it make you happier not to give it up???


Yes, because all women deny their husband/partner sex.

Can we get a Stereotypes thread up in he'ah?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Kaykris said:


> how about men just bend over and let us shove something in your hole for a couple minutes.......fair is fair.


:lol: :lol: :rofl: :rofl: I love this!! :rofl: :rofl:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

southern wife said:


> Some relationships are abusive = no sex
> 
> Some relationships are full of resentment - no sex
> 
> ...


:rofl:

I love how you wrote that up like it was a mathematical proof or something, SW.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I love how you wrote that up like it was a mathematical proof or something, SW.


Just trying to get the OP to see that not all relationships are full of sex sex sex and more sex. Those are just some examples.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

The only time I have not "given it up" to my H is when I am sick or one of the kids is real sick and I have then to care for. As for men want a balance.........when my H is not asking for it and I want it and he won't "give it up" say not all want balance they want it when they want it . 

There is not trade of services here for me and H but when he mows the lawn. I am not thinking I am going to have to pay him in leg spread. I am thinking dang my man is hot when he works in the yard and then the thoughts trail on to other things he can get sweaty doing.

But the fact remains that not all relationships are about the wife not giving it enough. My H currently would like to eat and fall asleep on the couch. All sex we have had in the last year has been because I came on to him.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Kurosity said:


> There is not trade of services here for me and H but when he mows the lawn. I am not thinking I am going to have to pay him in leg spread.


Do you use a butter knife for that? Or a cheese spreader? :scratchhead:


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 

Sorry, but I could not resist that one!


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

southern wife said:


> :lol: :lol: :rofl: :rofl: I love this!! :rofl: :rofl:


Maybe if you gave a reach around at the same time


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

southern wife said:


> Do you use a butter knife for that? Or a cheese spreader? :scratchhead:
> 
> 
> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> ...


:rofl::rofl: omg my sides hurt!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Kurosity said:


> :rofl::rofl: omg my sides hurt!


Mine do ............too! :rofl: :rofl:

And my eyes are watering!!!! :rofl: :rofl:


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Just Wondering said:


> Maybe if you gave a reach around at the same time


Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm :scratchhead:


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> "Leg Spread." :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> A new product by Kraft Cheese Co. Quick and easy...simply open and squeeze. Compatible with any size cracker. One taste and you'll never go back.


:lol: :lol: CRACKER! :rofl: :rofl:


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> "Leg Spread." :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> A new product by Kraft Cheese Co. Quick and easy...simply open and squeeze. Compatible with any size cracker. One taste and you'll never go back.


I think it should be "Heluva Good Leg Spread" :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


http://www.heluvagood.com/products/prodlistcoll.aspx?id=1317


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

southern wife said:


> I think it should be "Heluva Good Leg Spread" :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> 
> Heluva Good® | Dips & Sour Cream


Melts in your mouth not in your hands..........


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am scared to click on that


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I bet sales would go through the roof! :rofl:
> 
> See what you started with one little innocent comment, Kurosity?
> 
> ...


:smthumbup: I love to watch a sexy man bent over under the hood of a car turning wrenches. All sweaty and greasy. Just makes ya wanna have a greasy dirty romp in the yard. :rofl: :rofl:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't know who you're talking to, OP.

I love sex with my husband.

I do see my friends' husbands though. Out of my closest friends, only one that I think is "ok". he's a decent man and father and husband. The other husbands I hear of play video games 24/7, never help with the kids, think they have the right to put their wives down, have guy's night out more than 2 times a month, talk about it being "THEIR" money, blah blah blah.

Not very sexy, imo. Look at your buddies. Are they good guys? Or do they just go to work and come home and sit in front of the video games, ignoring their wife and family? lol...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

southern wife said:


> :smthumbup: I love to watch a sexy man bent over under the hood of a car turning wrenches. All sweaty and greasy. Just makes ya wanna have a greasy dirty romp in the yard. :rofl: :rofl:


We just do it in the garage at that point. LOL It's happened more than once


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

What do you do to try to arouse your wife? Do you create a warm emotional atmosphere by flirting and teasing her? How much time do you spend on foreplay? You can't have the adolescent attitude that she should want to spend 3 minutes servicing you. Women need to feel that you spend time making them feel desired, like when you were courting her.

You need to understand female sexual response if you want to have a fulfilling relationship with your wife. That is why you got so many snarky jokes here.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Three minutes????? Ha there's your problem right there. Seriously? 

I never had a man who could fix cars or anything. I didn't think it would be a turn on. But the first time he was undery car I thought "yeah that's awesome!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

First off: The women in porn movies aren't real.

Foreplay around my house consists of me doing the dishes, playing with the kids, talking to her, listening to her. Nothing sexual at all.

The sexual organ that needs the most stimulation to get her aroused is between her ears. Telling her how much I appreciate her, how attractive and desirable I find her, how attractive and desirable other men find her, how lucky I am to be with a woman that so many men would want. 

When she is rested, when she feels valued, when she feels desirable, she makes those women in the porn movies look like amateurs...

God knows I love and adore my wife.


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## Silly Husband (Aug 30, 2010)

Mooooom! Just Wondering is putting his pee pee in the pirhanna tank! 

Dude, if your gonna vent, come back to clubhouse. If your just trying to rile the ladies, well done!


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Silly Husband ,thanks for the advise.40 responce's, Only two females had a clue.The rest turn it into some kind of a joke.Kinda teaches me not to look for advise of most females about a well balance sex life.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Just Wondering said:


> When and if you have a husband who is a wonderful man,He is your best friend,He helps with everything in your life.He talks with you and listens well,He is a good father to your kids.He is your soul mate.


That man does not normally exist, and the only one has a pretty good sex life. I bet your wife will tell us you think way too much of yourself.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> Alright OP.
> 
> Me and my husband communicate differently, and we struggle with feeling like each of us takes each other for granted in other areas, but if I ever, EVER got a whiff of just open your legs for three minutes and let me at it, I'd shut down faster than you could say nipple.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


VERY well said!

:allhail:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Just wondering said *: My question is.Where is the value in your mind to treat a man like this.When and if you have a husband who is a wonderful man,He is your best friend,He helps with everything in your life.He talks with you and listens well,He is a good father to your kids.He is your soul mate.But you will not give him 3 minutes of sex once or twice a week.Why do we have to beg,Barter,Get pissed off.Act like a ass,Just to receive a little love.Why is it worth it to you to make a man live like this.What do you get out of it?We all know when most men our getting laid .their as happly as can be and everything seems to flow in the marriage.


Reading this just now made me tear up.... my husband was All of these things our entire marrage and before.. and I was just off in the clouds somewhere..... but he did get it at least once a week... I could have done sooooo much more...easily. I hate myself for it sometimes. I seriously just "didn't know", didn't get it, was uneducated and oblivious...... he never faught with me, he just kept loving me. I WISH so bad he would have begged, bartered, got pissed off & told me what for...I needed that !!! I am very different from my husband, I would have caused hell over it ... so It is hard for me to understand someone this passive... Of course it is easy to say now what I would have done... but I believe I would have cared ...he was so damn good to me. I always loved pleasure. I am even a Physical toucher! 

My answer to your question is... looking back (when I wasn't giving enough)... for all I knew my husband only needed it as much as I did, I remember us doing it....It was pure heaven, it was always so intense, so passionate- it seemed we were starving for it by then, we were so vanilla but we didn't care -probably cause we were "starving" , we never got bored. I always orgasmed, wished that feeling could go on for hours...

...But then....I used to think afterwards... "well, I'm good for another week".... In a way , I was like a man, those desires would "build" in me till I simply had to be taken....but that need was not every day (obviously)...like most men need it. 

So in this respect, I had a "decent workable sex drive".... he could have aroused me sooo damn much more -but he didn't push. These are OUR MISTAKES, he was too passive, I was ...well stupid, clueless and a little repressed. 

I am convinced I needed more sex all along even, just didn't know what I was missing somehow....trying to fill it with kids, busyness, church activities... I am much happier and joyful, we both laugh more, we are closer than we have ever been. Since I got my head out of my ass & my priorities straight.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

SA, I sometimes feel like I am NOW the way you were THEN. How do I go about crossing that line............to be more 'Amorous'? I LOVE romance, sex, passion, love...........all of it. But I can't get it to fruition.


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## eh12 (Mar 28, 2012)

Guys need to understand that a woman is more like a crockpot. Need to have husbands start romance in the morning and simmer them all day so they are warmed up for enjoyment later that day.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

eh12 said:


> Guys need to understand that a woman is more like a crockpot. Need to have husbands start romance in the morning and simmer them all day so they are warmed up for enjoyment later that day.


:lol: Just make sure we are plugged in!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

eh12 said:


> Guys need to understand that a woman is more like a crockpot. Need to have husbands start romance in the morning and simmer them all day so they are warmed up for enjoyment later that day.


As men get older, they can be the crockpot, I was ready 24 hours a day for a time, he is the one who needed heated up . 



> SA, I sometimes feel like I am NOW the way you were THEN. How do I go about crossing that line............to be more 'Amorous'? I LOVE romance, sex, passion, love...........all of it. But I can't get it to fruition.


Were you like ME (now).. back then in your younger years ? I feel like I am completely & utterly backwards from the average story.. me & my husband never had a ravenous passionate jumping each other like bunny rabbits honey moon phase ...he might have felt like it but he didn't push it with me......I feel we missed that -which obvioulsy heightens my WANT for it now.... 

If you did have THAT....you had a taste of it... surely you can remember what that feels like .....and want to recapture it ....

Or maybe you have never let your inhibitions down , you are still feeling "caged" somehow to this freedom to seduce your husband ? I am not familar with your story Southern Wife. 

Is there any resentment in your marriage.. fear of being rejected ? This could squash it all..and hinder you in letting loose.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Kurosity said:


> The only time I have not "given it up" to my H is when I am sick or one of the kids is real sick and I have then to care for. As for men want a balance.........when my H is not asking for it and I want it and he won't "give it up" say not all want balance they want it when they want it .
> 
> There is not trade of services here for me and H but when he mows the lawn. *I am not thinking I am going to have to pay him in leg spread.* I am thinking dang my man is hot when he works in the yard and then the thoughts trail on to other things he can get sweaty doing.
> 
> But the fact remains that not all relationships are about the wife not giving it enough. My H currently would like to eat and fall asleep on the couch. All sex we have had in the last year has been because I came on to him.


Some gardeners, massagers, trainers and pool boys get paid in leg spread? Why not husbands? :scratchhead:

Don't answer that.

Frankly if my wife has to give it up ... I am not sure I want it. No, I will not ask her if she evers feels this way.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Some gardeners, massagers, trainers and pool boys get paid in leg spread? Why not husbands? :scratchhead:
> 
> Don't answer that.


:lol: Nevermind!


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Well, A lot of good thoughts here, And River1977 I can't understand why you would judge me as not being a good husband like you did.Maybe you have never had a good man in your life.I use the ladies club to try and understand the female mind and better myself thur it.I don't understand alot what makes a female want more sex.But I will be the first to spend time trying to learn.As I said earler about 3 mins of sex.After 30 yrs of marriage with 3 kids a lot of those years you only had time for quickies.Than quickies become the norm its all thats available.My point was if it only takes 3 mins. to please a husband.And thats only if the female has no interest.Why not give him that.Is it really that costly??? Just bend for a friend???If its a chore to you.And I don't want to get anything started about trading chores for sex. But say its snowing and 20 outside in the mourning I go outside start her car wipe off the snow ,warm it up,Run down fill up the tank,P/U a breakfast sandwich. And say hey I love you gotta go to work. Then later on you ask for a quickie and the answer is no.All I'am saying is how much better the whole world would be if we were all sexual satisfled.Is it to much to ask for.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Just Wondering said:


> Well, A lot of good thoughts here, And River1977 I can't understand why you would judge me as not being a good husband like you did.Maybe you have never had a good man in your life.I use the ladies club to try and understand the female mind and better myself thur it.I don't understand alot what makes a female want more sex.But I will be the first to spend time trying to learn.As I said earler about 3 mins of sex.After 30 yrs of marriage with 3 kids a lot of those years you only had time for quickies.Than quickies become the norm its all thats available.My point was if it only takes 3 mins. to please a husband.And thats only if the female has no interest.Why not give him that.Is it really that costly??? Just bend for a friend???If its a chore to you.And I don't want to get anything started about trading chores for sex. But say its snowing and 20 outside in the mourning I go outside start her car wipe off the snow ,warm it up,Run down fill up the tank,P/U a breakfast sandwich. And say hey I love you gotta go to work. Then later on you ask for a quickie and the answer is no.All I'am saying is how much better the whole world would be if we were all sexual satisfled.Is it to much to ask for.


I think for a lot of women the desire for sex is driven by their emotional, mental, and relational state - moreso than the physical (although there are women who are driven by the physical they are not as common, I think.)

One thing to consider is what of your wife's sexual needs is being met by doing only 3 minute quickies? Most women take much, much longer than 3 minutes in order to be sexually satisifed - and many of them need emotional connection with their partner outside of sex, foreplay during sex, caring/cuddling after sex. If your wife isn't getting the kinds of things she needs sexually as well, sex will become a real chore for her and it can become a self-perpetuating downward sprial.

Being willing (the both of you - mind you!) to settle for 3 minute quickies all the time shows a lack of priority for both of you - neither one of you have been willing to really prioritize your intimate marital relationship above other things. Re-prioritizing and re-balancing that in your relationship may be something to consider.

Best wishes.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

OP, you really triggered something when you asked about the 3 minutes. 

For me, it was a flash back to me explaining carefully to my husband about my sexual needs--and his only response, "Well, can't it sometimes be just a quickie?" 

If a man is selfish or lazy in bed, he is creating a very sexually frustrated partner. The last thing she wants to do is open herself up to more frustration.

I don't know you or what type of husband you are. I can only respond to what you write--and take it as a reflection of the way you see things. To have any man suggest that his wife should just be a hole for him is. . . unappetizing, to say the least. If you want to connect with your wife, make love. If you want to enjoy a hearty romp with her, have sex. If you want to get off, do it yourself. 

I'm not really talking to you--just carrying through on why women would see your OP as being offensive. And not all women are sexually unavailable to their husbands--at least, not until the women have given up on having their wants and needs met. By that point, though, the problem isn't sex--the problem is that she does not want you.


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Hey ,The first thing I need to say is.I so get what all of you are saying.Also I need to clean up my one liners when talking to females.Its not cool I know.Sometimes threads start in one dereaction and go someplace else.The 3 min. thing kinda got away from me.It is the upmost importance that each and everytime I do my best to satisfy my wife.She does have the ability to orgasm in 4-5 mins. if she is in to it.With a little help from her fingers.You know I'am just a guy trying to figure it out?I have tried a little of the 180 thing is not for me.I have tried to be the best husband I can be.Towhich I'am most the time.We just have different sex drives.Sex to me is not about the release.Its about the connection,The bonding,exceptance,We all want to be wanted.And to me the more she wants me to make love to her .I feel more complete in life.She loves me very much.But sex to her is not that important to her.I don't leave her hanging ever.I put a lot of effort in to it.Hell maybe I do to go of a job.Anyway I feel I have lost my point? But thanks for your time


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## DanglingDaisy (Mar 26, 2012)

No one mentions the hormonal changes women go through that *can* affect her sexual interest as well through time. Even if you have a great husband in every aspect, low hormones can damper your desire. Sex in your teens is different than in your twenties if you're having kids. We as women go through sexual surges in our 30's(biologically driven for most)...hit menopause in our 40's to 50's and deal with again the hormonal changes.

I always said men had it the best with very little fluctuation in their sexual appetites through the years I can say from being a woman, that my sexual appetite definitely is much higher now than I'm in my 30's than in my 20's


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> "Leg Spread." :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> A new product by Kraft Cheese Co. Quick and easy...simply open and squeeze. Compatible with any size cracker. One taste and you'll never go back.


But men can't get the jar open


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

FrenchFry said:


> Alright OP.
> 
> I love sex. I love sex when I'm sick, on my period, when the house is a mess, when there are a million things on my to do list. I love sex when I'm dirty, when he is dirty, when we are stressed, when we are tired, even when I'm not in the mood. I don't need flowers, chocolate or ass kissing to want sex. It's fun, it feels fantastic and it's a workout. I'm not unique in this regard, my,friends who are in normal functional relationships generally have this attitude towards sex.
> I married my husband for a lot of reasons, but a big one was to make sure I put that ass on lockdown.
> ...


You sound a lot like my wife. In another thread I was going to post about the period thing and more. But I thought we were a bit weird with that.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Just Wondering,
> 
> Yes, we got carried away with the jokes on this thread, but you cracked jokes in your original post (a couple good ones, too ) so you kind of set the tone.
> 
> ...


Love your post. You demonstrate a great deal of self awareness. I think this is one of the most insightful posts from a woman I've ever read on TAM.


For me this is "real woman, real feminine" stuff.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I am scared to click on that


That's what she said!!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I asked him once why he didn't walk out on my sorry *ss the first couple years of our marriage, when he would have had every reason to, and he said, "I fell in love with you. For me that's forever."
> 
> He loves me...my weirdness, my hair, my totally screwed-up sense of humor, my lousy cooking, you name it. I've still got warts on my psychological *ss, believe me. And if the rest of the world turned its back on me, he never would. I don't think that; I know it.
> 
> That's why I treat him like a king. No game playing for me.


I could say the same thing about my husband and some of the same about myself. 

The 3 minutes comment does not offend me at all. Because looking back...... My sex drive was not as high as my husbands (which wives are in the early yrs...few & far between!)....How easily it would have been to take an extra 3 minutes (I would say 10 though max)....each morning to simply -- grab ahold him, and give him the pleasure of his dear life....how F'n easy in fact....but no... I was too into my kids, my head was everywhere else but what he needed from me. I was not too tired, too stressed, I was stupid. 

I'd pass up a million dallors to go back in time and get it right... there would have been at least 2 bjs a week - and alot more sex. He would have been happier, I would have even been happier making him happier. 

I was a screw up as a wife back then.  It is so easy to please a man. Us woman are the difficult ones!


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

You gotta improve your worth and stock as a man and not let that damage your mentality. And don't put up with an environment like that. Simply put, you can't explain or beg your way into the p*ssy. Be confident and handle your business, and if she's deprioritizing you, deprioritize her. 

Go out with your friends, hit a bar, take a trip by yourself if you need to, just treat yourself right. If you upgrade yourself she'll notice and be drawn to you. And if she's not, then you've improved yourself for when it's time to move on.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Here is how I explained my needs to my wife. And just to frame this correctly she is a stay at home mom. She has certain needs for money; groceries, clothing, paying the bills, etc. I have the means to fulfill those needs through my income from my job. I would never make her beg me for that money nor would I withhold it from her.

I have a need for sex. She has the means to fill fulfill my need for sex with her (incredibly luscious and sexy) body. Why would she want to withhold that from me? I bring home my money and give it all to her. I fix broken things in the house. I kill spiders. All I ask in return is physical affection (in the form of hot, sweaty, freaky, circus) sex. :smthumbup: Am I really asking all that much? :scratchhead:

Seriously, I know it's not the greatest of analogies but it's the only one I could come up with that made sense to both of us.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Sandc
So how's that working for you?
Does your wife have circus sex with you?


What would you do and how would you feel if this conversation came from your wife?
"You neglected to fix the leaky pipe when I asked. Deduct one blow job. You took a sick day and your paycheque is short. Deduce one week of sex. Due to inflation, the payment you want has been reduced until your income is increased".

Can't you feel the love? It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

3 minute sex? For 18 or so years it was like that. Even before our daughter was born. The wife had zero interest in it. She never even though about it, hardly ever shaved her legs, she allowed herself to gain weight, (She was a Cheerleader ) didn't clean too good down below. She always wanted sex to over... the sooner the better. Sex was always painful for her. After two weeks between sessions, I wouldn't last long.

SOOOO I finally let her know how I felt and she started to try to improve. So we went from 2-3 times a month to 3+ times a week. She is OK with oral now, she orgasms, I last much much much longer than before. We climax at the same time. I have control now like I did in my single days. I don't feel like I have to beg anymore. 

The sex is helping with romance instead of the using romance improving our sex life. The "sex" may keep us together long enough to love each other again. 

My point is to communicate. I also may have become very aggressive and didn't really allow her to say no to sex...Now she initiates, which is something that she hasn't done in the first 18 years. I was ready to leave if it didn't work. I wasn't bluffing. We don't say "I LOVE YOU" any more. We haven't for over a year now. Go figure! 

When I tried to be romantic , say I love you all the time, work around the house, cook, do dishes, vaccume... No sex. So when the romance stopped, the sex picked up. I DON'T UNDERSTAND that at all!


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Already Gone... you "manned up" in a way that you were a MAN in her eyes, and you started "taking her" the way she wanted you to.
Good for you, glad to hear it improved things. 

I liked what a poster had to say about doing the dishes.. when doing stuff around the house was catnip to his wife. That just paints a picture. You found the catnip!!!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Just Wondering said:


> We men put so much importance on a good sexual balance with our wifes.As a baby we spend the first 9 months of are life trying to get out of a female,Than the rest of our life trying to get back in one.I ask a lot of male friends how's the sex life going??? You know 9 out of 10 guys are not laying any pipe on a regular basis.My question is.Where is the value in your mind to treat a man like this.When and if you have a husband who is a wonderful man,He is your best friend,He helps with everything in your life.He talks with you and listens well,He is a good father to your kids.He is your soul mate.But you will not give him 3 minutes of sex once or twice a week.Why do we have to beg,Barter,Get pissed off.Act like a ass,Just to receive a little love.Why is it worth it to you to make a man live like this.What do you get out of it?We all know when most men our getting laid .their as happly as can be and everything seems to flow in the marriage.I just don't get whats so hard with giving it up more offen. As for trading services,I help out around the house so much more when I am happy.I don't expect sex every night.I just want some sort of balance.I don't like the term trade services.But why would you not give it up more,If it made the realationship better.Does it make you happier not to give it up???


Your reception in this thread is the answer to how much it helps for a man to whine about this.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

deejov said:


> Sandc
> So how's that working for you?
> Does your wife have circus sex with you?
> 
> ...


Like I said it works for us. Why the animosity?


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