# How to talk to wife



## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

Right now I can't talk to my wife at least for the time being. But I know once I can I want to sit down with her and go over options. I have filed papers but can alway's withdraw them. I want to let her know that I would like to fix this that it is not too far gone and suggest we both get help, spiritually and professionally. My wife has not gotten anything to me saying "It's over I want a divorce etc" My inlaws think we will get back together but will need time. I know my wife is in a state of major confusion and doesn't know what she wants. She's playing mind games and regular games with me right now probably in the hopes I will screw up. Well I'm sticking to my guns and staying out of trouble and not contacting her. How can I approach the situation when I finally get to talk to her about a meet? I'm 99% sure I would like to fix my marriage not only for me but her and the kids. Those are the ones who have to suffer the most


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Are you seeing a personal marriage counselor right now? If so, maybe that person can help you figure out how to word your request.

My suggestion would be to write her a letter first. This will give her the time and space to hear what you have to say and come to it on her own terms. And it will give you the time to be able to say your part without getting interrupted or either of you becoming argumentative. Open up communication with a letter and then maybe you can both sit down and talk when you both feel you are ready. 

I have not personally dealt with this situation. I have only been married 8 months and we are going through difficulties as well. However, my advice comes from my own personal experiences. It helps me to write a letter because then I can take the time to compose my thoughts and can make sure that what I am saying comes out right. Also, my H writes to me sometimes when I am being unreasonable and it wouldn't be good to try to talk to me.


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

Make sure you don't EVER use the kids as your message carriers. You'll make them feel like they have to choose sides and it'll confuse and sadden them. 

I'm afraid some of this is out of your control though. You can't force someone else to listen if they don't want to. All you can do is work on yourself. Don't chase her though or lower yourself to try to lure her back to you. She'll see you as weak, unattractive, and just want to run away even more. Read up on the doing the 180. I think this may be a good situation for that technique but I'm not a counselor or an expert, so use your own judgment.


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

I wrote a 3 page letter so far. I get mixed signals I heard she was filling out papers but didn't file, I heard this and that and it sucks because I want to talk to her but I guess right now she doesn't want to. I think she's going through her selfish faze and party stage and I'm sure that will get old fast. It saddens me to think that my wife may be getting bad decisions and information by her friends. The fact that I was her life line and best friend over the past 7 years. I think she's very confused right now.


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