# im alone depressed and sad



## Ema.Lynn

my husband would rather play games and talk to his friends rather me. I feel alone depressed and sad because i barley get attention from my husband we fight most days when we aren't fighting we're ignoring each other. im happy at my friends house more then being in my own house im afraid my husband might snap and hit me like he threats. i bring the bad side out in him more then the good we haven't had a health relationship for 5 months now im afraid im losing him again.


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## commonsenseisn't

Sorry for your troubles.

Losing him again? It sounds to me like the two of you are fairly young. You don't give many details, but I can tell you from the perspective of an old guy who's been there and done that, that if your husband is violent or unfaithful, then you just need to divorce him. It's just that simple. Trust me. 

Things you should be doing is make sure you are established in a secure career and have the ability to be self sufficient emotionally and financially. Do not have kids with this guy. 

It's just that simple.


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## Ema.Lynn

commonsenseisn't said:


> Sorry for your troubles.
> 
> Losing him again? It sounds to me like the two of you are fairly young. You don't give many details, but I can tell you from the perspective of an old guy who's been there and done that, that if your husband is violent or unfaithful, then you just need to divorce him. It's just that simple. Trust me.
> 
> Things you should be doing is make sure you are established in a secure career and have the ability to be self sufficient emotionally and financially. Do not have kids with this guy.
> 
> It's just that simple.


my husband and i are young we have had troubles in the past but recently he is getting worse with neglecting me or being with me in any kind of way. we've been together 3 years married for 5 months he is 21 and im 19, it was a fast decision we made to get married at a young age no matter the pain he puts me through i cant seem to leave him rather it be longer term or short term like being at my friends house i desperately want to go home and talk to him but he gets mad if i say the truth i cant tell if its because he is young or childish


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## ConanHub

Sounds like you made a mistake. You deserve better treatment and your H is not grown up enough to be married.

You should move to divorce, if he shapes up, you do not have to go through with it but will need MC and possibly IC.

He honestly just sounds like a boy that wants to play in an arena that requires manhood.

Very sorry you are going through this but you need to put a stop to it. Do not try and control him or bend him to your will.

Let him go and you will find a man who really is grown up and ready for responsibility. 

It may take some time, but aren't you worth it?


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## commonsenseisn't

Ema.Lynn said:


> no matter the pain he puts me through i cant seem to leave him rather it be longer term or short term like being at my friends house i desperately want to go home and talk to him


Looks like you have a case of codependency on your part and plain old immaturity on your husbands part. These issues will sign the death warrant for your marriage. 

You can't fix your husband but you can fix you. Read up on codependency or get some counseling to deal with it. If you don't you will suffer the same fate in your next relationship.

Sorry to say, but the odds of your marriage surviving are small and the reality is you have a road of suffering ahead of you until you fix YOUR issue of codependency. Good luck.


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## Longtermer

If he's happy to threaten to hit you he wont hesitate to actually do it. Get out and find someone who will love you. You deserve to be happy.


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## FormerSelf

If he is already treating you poorly just 5 months into marriage, then this does not bode well for the future...especially when you have been together 3 years.

I am sure whatever it is, it sounds like he can deal with you being hurt and alone just as long as you don't bother him about it. He threatens you? Unacceptable!

I am going to take a wild leap and guess that he was there for you when your life at home fell apart? Was he once your safety and security? If so, how does it feel that that safety no longer exists with him?

This goes to show that you must have a plan and have somewhere to go. You have already admitted that you are alone, depressed, and sad...and that probably means you feel you have no options.

You have LOTS OF OPTIONS!!!! But it means taking the scary step of going out on your own, making plans, taking steps...being brave enough to look at yourself in the mirror, saying to yourself: "I deserve better."

I guarantee he does not want you to stir up the pot, to ask for love, attention, or respect. Probably blames you or throws it all back in you face. Physical threats is a whole new arena. Do you really think you deserve having no say-so? Is it healthy to be afraid to ask for some simple consideration? Is he manipulating you to make you feel unworthy?

This guy is not good for you and you probably shouldn't be married right now...especially if you are unable to see clearly enough that he is being abusive. Yes, you may love him and feel a sense of devotion, but NONE OF THAT justifies how he is treating you. Love is two-way, and if he is unable to treat you with love and puts a wide number of things ahead of you in priority PLUS he threatens you when you get "uppity"...then this love, this "marriage" you have is a sham.

If you think you are ready to leave, then don't say a word to try to "get" his attention...this will only hurt you when he does all sorts of crazy things to maintain his power. Talk to family, or pastor, or social worker...as well as lawyer. Get resources...place to stay and place to eat...sources of income. Have it all ready to go.

Then, when you have all you ducks in order, when husband is off doing his own thing, move out...leaving no personal address or phone number for him to reach you. Leave him lawyer's number or whatever. Some may say to wait until divorce papers are filed first...that way when you leave...BOOM! there are D papers there for him to sign. Let lawyer mediate.

Don't know if you have kids or not, but make sure you iron out that with the lawyer first about custody legality before you split with a child...don't want you to get in trouble.


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## turnera

The only way you can ever turn him around is for him to realize he can lose you. THEN he might respect you, although I suspect he's too immature at this stage.

Move out. Let him woo you, let him earn you back.


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## Flying_Dutchman

Jeeez Ema.Lynn.

There were no games consoles around when I was your age (apart from Atari Tennis) but, even if there had been my teenage testosterone tank ensured that I found my gfs infinitely more exciting. (Now that my tank is a thimble, my roving eye is sometimes drawn to GTA-4).

Naff jokes aside, paying you no attention and what little attention you get involves threats of violence you don't need. That you haven't left already suggests that you lack self-esteem. It'll get worse if you stay with him and you'll find it harder and harder to leave.

Get out, see if his behaviour changes (I doubt it will for more than about a week) and if it does, make him sustain it for AT LEAST 2 months before you move back. Make him EARN you. Don't give in to threats, manipulative sulking, suicide threats or any negative thing. If he's not kind and considerate, end it.

Learn to like yourself and identify what you want from a relationship. (Hint. It's not what you have right now.) Then, get dating. 95 out of 100 guys will treat you better than your current one. It's abusive chumps like him that make women wary of the rest of us.

When only one half of a marriage is making an effort it's doomed to failure. I respect that you want to try and salvage it,, but don't try for too long. NOBODY wants to see you back here in a year asking how to leave the same guy after he put you in a hospital.

Good luck. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thebes

Ema.Lynn said:


> my husband and i are young we have had troubles in the past but recently he is getting worse with neglecting me or being with me in any kind of way. we've been together 3 years married for 5 months he is 21 and im 19, it was a fast decision we made to get married at a young age no matter the pain he puts me through i cant seem to leave him rather it be longer term or short term like being at my friends house i desperately want to go home and talk to him but he gets mad if i say the truth i cant tell if its because he is young or childish


Getting worse, dear I think you are being cheated on. Run as fast as you can. Life is too short to spend it with someone that will treat you like crap or betray you.


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## Ema.Lynn

ive left my husband a month ago and he didnt realize i was truly gone till he came to me in my home town asking my to go home with him in california i did so and thinks got worse im filling for a divorce all of you have helped a lot thank you it took me 3 years and 5 months to realize i need better.


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## FormerSelf

Sorry you are going through this Ema. Be brave!


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## Lynnie1981

Aww Ema. Sounds like you're dealing with a childish man! Get rid of him and find someone that would give them your all! Make sure you knock his a$$ out with his game controllers! Jaykay. Move on sweetie u deserve better


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## Mr.Fisty

Do something that makes you happy, and go out there and have fun.

You will realize that you don't need him to be happy.

Learn to detach, by bonding with new friends, and deepening bonds with others.

When your close to the situation, you can become blind.

Take a step back, detach, and realize that your not in a relationshp.

Gain your independence, and leave.

He is not ready or maybe ever ready for a mature relationship.


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## ToothFairy

You have been married since you were 16 years old? you were a kid. You probably didn't even know what your own values were then - so it's highly unlikely you share the same values as your loser husband. 

Divorce. Don't live the rest of your life in this marriage. You are young enough to start over! Also.. do NOT divorce and "go find a man who loves you". Go find YOURSELF! Go to college, travel, make new friends and gain some confidence and experience in life. You should not be married at 19 let alone 16. It's not the 1870s or the 1950s. 

Become independent and able to support yourself.. THEN allow yourself to be in love and possibly remarry. This is the greatest gift you can give YOURSELF.


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