# What do you miss most?



## JWTBL (May 28, 2014)

This topic has probably been tossed around in the past, but I couldn't find a thread on it so...
The thing I miss most is having someone to snuggle with at night. I can easily keep busy during the day, with activities, friends, family, a job, etc. and don't even mind eating dinner alone. But none of that can substitute for a spooning partner. I don't even miss my ex as far as this, because the last few years of our marriage we never went to bed at the same time. We could never just snuggle or be affectionate without it having to lead to sex anyway. (Hence the dissolution of our marriage- one considers sex to be of top priority, one doesn't). 
Anyway, just wanted to vent. And wondering what other singles out there miss the most, not about their ex specifically, but about not having a significant other in their lives?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Not a damn thing, because I was missing it already while still married. Leaving fixed all that quickly, as I started dating shortly after moving out, and got back all those things.


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## JWTBL (May 28, 2014)

I probably should have posted this on the singles of TAM....


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## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

JWTBL said:


> I probably should have posted this on the singles of TAM....[/QUOTE
> 
> What do I miss or what did I miss?
> At the beginning, everything.
> ...


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

I got married at a young age, was married for a long time. I did actually miss just waking up next to someone. Now its eve better to wake up next someone you're excited to see, maybe talk, maybe fool around, but just like being near. 

That's #1 for me. My current girlfriend was never in too serious a relationship so she doesn't get this one as much as me...


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

I miss being in love.
I miss someone calling me "pretty girl"


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## daddymikey1975 (Apr 18, 2009)

I miss spooning and snuggling. And when my 4 yr old daughter woke up puking one night because she was sick, I miss someone cleaning it up. Lol. 

Otherwise I'm very content on my own.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Nothing. There is nothing about my XH that I miss, except for maybe his salary. Living on a single income is a lot harder now, since I kept the same apartment, etc... But I'm willing to stretch my dollars and make it work, simply for the sake of having gotten rid of him.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Not exactly miss, but something I looked forward to: I have a 3 year old grandaughter who is the bomb. She lives 1200 miles away but I see her every three months for a week, and we Skype daily (she calls ME on her IPad, I'm in Florida visiting as I type this). I so miss having someone to lay in bed at night and talk about how cute, smart, goofy she is. (My xw hasn't seen her but once in two years, not allowed internet as the POSOM she is married to won't allow her to have it OR a cell phone). I remember my folks talking on and on about their grandkids (I'm the baby, they are passed) I so get the excitement/pride they felt, sad no one who feels exactly the same way to share it with.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

I miss the 100 lbs of body fat I've lost since getting separated .... .... .... not.


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## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

I miss the companionship. Just having someone to kick around with and watch TV, run to the store, have a snack, all the simple things that people take fro granted in relationships.. Those I miss. 

Funny, when I write about this stuff I realize I am better of being single although I do miss having someone in my life. 

I will have to wait a bit I guess until I meet the new her.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

dajam said:


> I miss the companionship. Just having someone to kick around with and watch TV, run to the store, have a snack, all the simple things that people take fro granted in relationships.. Those I miss.
> 
> Funny, when I write about this stuff I realize I am better of being single although I do miss having someone in my life.
> 
> I will have to wait a bit I guess until I meet the new her.


:iagree:

I miss the snuggling and closeness of sharing a bed with someone. I also miss someone returning my feelings.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Not a damn thing, because I was missing it already while still married. Leaving fixed all that quickly, as I started dating shortly after moving out, and got back all those things.


So hey . you gotta change your handle then or we get confused :rofl:


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

l miss the friendship , having someone in your corner that'd kill for you , not that they'd have to but you know. The 3 of us, the texting each other all the way home and that special someone when you get home and , unfortunately much more too.
But ah well , so be it . At least l can say l didn't do this , l'd hate to have that on my conscious for the rest of my days .


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I guess the thing I miss most is the feeling of trust.
When I said ‘I do’, I didn’t put a possible end on it.
It was an unbroken line until my death…and I REALLY meant it.

Now, even with a terrific GF, I find myself seeing that I view the concept of ‘forever’ as something that only exist in certain circumstances.
Wasn’t it supposed to be for better or worse?
Weren’t we supposed to love and support each other until the end? Like we promised?

I trusted her to go the distance when I needed her to and I always stood ready when she needed me.
I trusted she would never betray me…yet she did.

Now I find myself leery of that type of trust and I sometimes feel bad that it had such a profound effect on me. 
Worse still, I find that I would very much like to give that trust to my GF…but I can’t muster all I once had.

It’s very much like when my ex-wife left she took a piece of me …like a hand.
Now, when I hug my GF, I find I notice the lack of the hand sometimes.

My higher brain knows that Missy is fantastic, has done the work, is insightful and intelligent and has a heart VERY much like mine.
But the base of my mind still remembers the pain, the betrayal, and the person I trusted the most trying ( and succeeding) to cause me harm.
It can sometimes frame love as a trap and it whispers it to my higher brain.
…and the ghost of the hand itches just a little.

Before she left, I was quiet in this aspect. 
I knew that she would never hurt me and I was faithful to the core.
Never even kissed another woman while I was with her.

While I still carry the same values, sometimes I hear the whispering of my primitive instincts, telling me to “not trust” or “stray” because “she will only hurt you in the end.”
I give these thought the intellectual equivalent of crushing them with my boot heel.
But there was a time when I didn’t have to do that.

I think that is what I miss most of all.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

SamuraiJack said:


> I guess the thing I miss most is the feeling of trust.
> When I said ‘I do’, I didn’t put a possible end on it.
> It was an unbroken line until my death…and I REALLY meant it.
> 
> ...


Profound. I feel the same. That and the physical touch.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

SamuraiJack said:


> I guess the thing I miss most is the feeling of trust.
> When I said ‘I do’, I didn’t put a possible end on it.
> It was an unbroken line until my death…and I REALLY meant it.
> 
> ...


I could not add much to this, after the LTR I had, I may never feel solid or whole again. I always thought it was to the end of time, we both grow old together and be there for each other forever. She was only the 3rd girl I ever dated. 

When I read this today I felt very sad as, no matter how strong I feel or am, certain truths tear the bandage off and exposes the wound. 

Consider yourself very lucky and embrace the GF. For some of us it is almost unthinkable to give again. I would love to have that certain person in my life. In a way I feel like I have become a recluse. Between a high pressure and time consuming job and the lack of a social life, meeting someone seems like a dream, although I know it is going to happen. 

Well done.


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## JWTBL (May 28, 2014)

And not having a special someone to transfer my love to, for lack of a better word. There is love for children, family, friends, even pets. But it's not the same as having one person who you can rely on for anything and everything, and be able to return that trust- there is the capacity in me for that, and I'm not sure if I will ever have it again, because of the way it was betrayed.


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## JWTBL (May 28, 2014)

Great posts by the way, and samuraijack, you are a poet.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

SamuraiJack said:


> I guess the thing I miss most is the feeling of trust.
> When I said ‘I do’, I didn’t put a possible end on it.
> It was an unbroken line until my death…and I REALLY meant it.
> 
> ...


^^^ THIS.

I hope that I (and you, too) can find the ability to fully trust another person again. Like you, I didn't believe there was an end to my vows, except in death; this wasn't true for my XH. I WANT to be able to trust another person this way again, and to be able to make that kind of commitment, but it is terrifying; the doubts that run through my mind are endless, it seems. As if our foundation has been cracked, that there are now structural deficiencies in our emotional core.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> ^^^ THIS.
> 
> I hope that I (and you, too) can find the ability to fully trust another person again. Like you, I didn't believe there was an end to my vows, except in death; this wasn't true for my XH. I WANT to be able to trust another person this way again, and to be able to make that kind of commitment, but it is terrifying; the doubts that run through my mind are endless, it seems. As if our foundation has been cracked, that there are now structural deficiencies in our emotional core.


It doesnt have to be that way.
You can trust the next person, it's just that your trust has a few blemishes on it. I trust Missy implicitly and I do this by choice.
Yes, I can get hurt again and so can you, but we survived it and we came out wiser for it.
Fears are a good thing to listen to but not a good thing to obey.

In the lesson we learned from this, we learned that people cant always keep their promises. The important part of the lesson is that it's not a reflection on you if they cant.

Some days I need to remind myself of this several times..


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

SamuraiJack said:


> In the lesson we learned from this, we learned that people cant always keep their promises. The important part of the lesson is that it's not a reflection on you if they cant.
> 
> Some days I need to remind myself of this several times..


On an intellectual level this makes 100% sense and I agree. It's harder to tell that to the heart though.


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## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

TheGoodGuy said:


> On an intellectual level this makes 100% sense and I agree. It's harder to tell that to the heart though.


This in itself is interesting "Man versus Woman" "Logic versus Emotion" We all process this differently and the separation of this can be rather clouded when we compare present behavior and then analyze it the past. My 2 cents...


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

TheGoodGuy said:


> On an intellectual level this makes 100% sense and I agree. It's harder to tell that to the heart though.


Agreed...


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