# a Good mother, but a bad and controlling wife



## Stranded-Sam (Sep 19, 2012)

We got married within 3 months after her father pasted away, this is for cultural reason, it was a rocky and control relationship before the marriage. We have been married for two years and have a 14 week old baby girl. During this period I have been kicked out of the house numerous times. The longest time was about 2 months where I lived in formula 1 hotel.

She works full time but never contribut a cent to the family. I paid for all the rental and living expense. I worked hard but I am constantly being told that I am lazy when I return home after a long day of work a rest on my couch.

I do the cooking, washing the dish and my own laundry.

I am constantly being told that whatever I do is wrong. 

I have not seen any of my friends since the marriage because her reasons are they are bad influence and not educated.

Each time I want to see my family we have an argument, she claims that they are lazy and all are bastards. Because both my brother and sister had been divorced, she said my family is diseased. We must stay away from them. I am not allow to bring my daughter home to see her grand parents.

She tracks be each time I go to work, if I am busy and cannot call home, she tells me off.

I fear to see my parents to avoid argument.

We had counciling together but she cannot be changed. Either stay with her and the baby or go and see my patents and we get a devorce.

I feel totally trapped, I want to stay and raised my daughter but I will not be a happy father, and we will have constant argument.

I care for her and the baby and hope that one day she will change. 

Will she?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Do you ever put your foot down with her or do you just let her bully you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

No, she will NOT change; she has TOO MANY personality problems.

She's angry, selfish, unwilling to compromise, judgemental, belittling, controlling, insulting...need I go on?

You should NEVER have had a child with this woman (but you probably figured THAT out by now.)

By the way, what makes you think she'll be a "Good Mother"? If she won't treat YOU with love, dignity, compassion, respect, love....WHY would you think she's got it in her to treat your daughter this way? She'll probably tell your daughter every time she's angry with her, "You're JUST LIKE your father"...then treat her badly. Don't have ANY IDEA what you're basing your "good mother" comment on.

If *I* were you, I would MOVE OUT, FILE FOR DIVORCE, TRY to maintain contact with your daughter (although your bitter, spiteful, selfish wife will probably interfere with that), and build a new and happier life without this toxic wife of yours.

If by some miracle you are able to maintain a relationship with your daughter, that would be great! You can be a haven of quiet calm and sanity for her since living with her mother will be hell on earth! 

IF you cannot maintain a relationship, make sure you take care of your daughter as you're supposed to FINANCIALLY (and keep PROOF of it). Someday she may come seeking you and you want to be able to tell her that you did everything possible you could for her (short of shooting her worthless mother -- just joking!), but that her mother was just someone with whom you could NOT spend a lifetime. If your daughter has come seeking you, I KNOW she will understand why you left. You could start a relationship THEN.


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## Stranded-Sam (Sep 19, 2012)

Yes, I have tried to reason with her, but she cannot be reason with. The more I tried to fight for my right the worse the argument will be.

She will start to hit me, throw my things out the house and get be out. If I defend myself she will call the police.

I usually leave for a while and stay in the hotel until things calm down.

Our relationship is like a roller coster and I am also walking on egg shell.

If I don't mention, about friends or family or wanting to socialize with work people then life is good.


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## Stranded-Sam (Sep 19, 2012)

She is a good mother, everything she does is for the children. She care for our daughter very much. She wants the best for her.

She did all the research to buy safe nursery items, clothings and toys for pur baby, she worry about every little thing about the baby. She is very protective of our baby.

She would never scream of our baby. Although it is wrong, but she claims that our daughter cannot see my family and parents because she said that my family has a bad background ( siblings had been divorced) and my parents are retired and don't work. She she said that she didn't want my daughter to be influenced by my family.
( I think it is a lot of rubish, just an excuse to control me and not let me see anyone)


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## Stranded-Sam (Sep 19, 2012)

She is nice to everyone except me. I feel like I am her servant not husband


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

You can defend your wife all you want, but I'm a mother and I know SHE IS NOT A GOOD MOTHER.

If she wants the best for your daughter, then why doesn't she treat your daughter's father (YOU) well? Does she want to teach your daughter that the disrespectful/hateful way she treats you is the correct way to treat others? to treat men? to treat husbands?

Almost EVERY mother researches the safest nursery items, the best foods, the most stimulating toys for their child (especially their first-born). This doesn't make your wife a GREAT MOTHER...it just makes her a typical, average, not-crappy mother!

I've never met a mother who screamed at a 3 month old! So, again, this doesn't make your wife a GREAT MOTHER...it just makes her a typical, average, not-crappy mother!

Does your wife SERIOUSLY think a 3-month old can realize that people are divorced (or even understand what it means) or that her grandparents don't work because they're retired? COME ON! You already KNOW she's just trying to control you AND SHE IS CONTROLLING YOUR CHILD AS WELL. YOU just can't see it because it's under the guise of loving/protecting your child. It's NOT LOVING or PROTECTING to keep a child from 1/2 its relatives JUST BECAUSE your wife doesn't like them!

If you think your wife is a GREAT MOTHER, you either have seen some REALLY UNBELIEVABLY TERRIBLE mothers, or you have the LOWEST EXPECTATIONS of what a decent mother is that I've ever seen.

A GREAT MOTHER starts by treating her child's FATHER with love, dignity and respect. She is modeling behavior for your child. She is teaching your child how a woman/adult/wife acts. And so far, your wife's example STINKS!

Quit defending your wife. As a mother she SUCKS and as a wife she SUCKS even more. Why are you so afraid to tell the truth about how bad your wife is. AT LEAST admit it to yourself! Maybe then you'll do something constructive about it.

Good luck, you'll need it.


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## Stranded-Sam (Sep 19, 2012)

Thanks for your comment, what you said is absolutely true. I don't expect much from people. Little things makes me very happy. 

I am a person that gives, and cares for people. She is asking for more than what I can give. I think of leaving all the time. But I don't have the moral to leave behind a wife and a baby daughter. I think it is sinfull.

I just hope that one day she will realize the good person I am and change her wy of thinking.

I am lost.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Your wife sounds mentally ill. Get her to a doctor for an evaluation. You do not HAVE to put up with her abuse. I feel sorry for your child & agree with SlowlyGettingWiser. "Good" Mothers don't isolate the children from extended family because of her ridiculous reasons.


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

You are an emotionally abused man. The next time she kicks you out I'd pack every stitch of clothing you own and find a more permanant place to live. You need to separate yourself from this toxic situation until she has the ability to treat you with the kindness, respect and love that she treats your child. And I have to be honest --- it's only a matter of time when she treats your child the same way. The minute she starts "losing control" of their actions then her abusive side will rear its ugly head. 

I wonder -- if your sister (assuming you have one) told you what you told us about her husband, exactly what kind of advice would you give her?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Stranded-Sam said:


> Thanks for your comment, what you said is absolutely true. I don't expect much from people. Little things makes me very happy.
> 
> I am a person that gives, and cares for people. She is asking for more than what I can give. I think of leaving all the time. But I don't have the moral to leave behind a wife and a baby daughter. I think it is sinfull.
> 
> ...


Your original post is asking us if we think she will change.

Nope, she will get worse.

So if you think it's "sinful" to leave, then stay & stand up for yourself or continue to be a paycheck & servant who is emotionally abused.

It is a shame, however, that your innocent child can't see her extended family & will probably grow up very damaged from her Mother's abuse.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Go read No More Mr Nice Guy. This is on you, not on her.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Walk away and take your child with you.

My father was henpecked and timid. My mother ruled the home with an iron fist and her temper. She was emotionally and physically abusive. 

It took me years to forgive my father for not protecting his kids; now I know he was just a scared victim like a battered woman. I need medication to function normally because the constant terror fried my brain. 

Do you want the same to happen to your child?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Have you considered that PERHAPS your wife just used you as a means to have a child? (Since she couldn't get pregnant by herself nor could she have just met a random man and lived her life freely as a single, never-been-married mother.) Is it possible that THIS is the reason she shows NO RESPECT or love for you...because she's already gotten everything SHE wants out of the relationship?

Have you thought about what life will be like for your DAUGHTER if you don't take action. One of two things will happen:

1) Your wife will try to CONTROL your daughter (just like she does YOU) and will treat her badly when your wife doesn't like your daughter's friends, boyfriend, course of studies, job, career, way she raises grandchildren, etc.

2.) Your wife will SPOIL your daughter rotten. Teach her that your daughter is SO SPECIAL that she is BETTER than others. That other people (men) should buy her/give her anything she wants. That everything should be HER way. That others OWE HER -- they NEED to make her happy. Your daughter will have UNREALISTIC expectations and be an unhappy demanding person that others will NOT want to be around.

Either way, your daughter is in for a BAD LIFE if YOU don't do something about your wife's behavior. You need to think BEYOND today and tomorrow and see how your daughter's life will be YEARLY for the next couple of decades until she can live on her own.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

YOU need to call the police if she gets physical with you. SERIOUSLY. You need to document everything and even set up a secret camera to catch her outbursts. In NO SITUATION does this end well for you. I'm really sorry to say it.

Also MAN UP!! She starts flipping out, Don't hold back. I'm not saying to get physical...NEVER go there, but everything else is fair game.


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## Stranded-Sam (Sep 19, 2012)

They all tell me to leave her as I deserve better. But I just don't have the heart to do it.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Stranded-Sam said:


> They all tell me to leave her as I deserve better. But I just don't have the heart to do it.


Okay so you don't want to leave so find ways to cope with her.

For your daughter's sake, I'm glad you will be around full time to keep an eye on her because the mother has serious issues.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Your wife is a controlling abusive woman and you are an absolute pushover. do you realize that? No she is not a good mother either


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## Stranded-Sam (Sep 19, 2012)

I don't know why I want to stay, maybe because I feel ashamed to have a divorce or feel shamed to leave wife and daughter.

There is no trust, no respect to me or people important to me, and there is just constant abuse. I had sleep out on the floor in the lounge room for a year while she was pregnant so she can have a good night sleep,( I snore very bad)

I have been divorced once, it was a short marriage, my ex- wife cheated on me, as far as I see it, I didn't do anything wrong. She was overseas working and she prefer to stay there. That marriage ended without any attachment.

With that as my past, I am constant being told that it's alway my problem, that's why my ex- cheated on me, find someone better. When ever she says that I feel crushed and little and powerless.

I fear that the next person I meet will be just the same, I don't seem to meet good women.

I do hope that one day she sees the goodness in me a she will change, but it is very unlikely to happen. Most councilor says she will not and the only thing to do is that I will have to change and learn ways to deal with her.

Every night I do hope that my life will be different, have a wife who respect me, trust me, love me, my family and friends. That is all I hope for.


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