# Advice, please



## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

I live in NC and I want to sue the woman my husband is cheating on me with and a “friend” for alienation of affection and criminal conversation.

I met my husband and dated for about a year, got engaged in 2008, married in 2009 and had a child in 2011. He lost his job in 2013 and I left two weeks later because I realized I never really wanted to be married, but I didn't want to be a single mother and getting married was the only way for me to have the baby I so desperately wanted. When he could no longer provide for us there was no reason for us to stay together.

My husband was a great provider when he worked. He is a good father and takes our son from Wednesday afternoon to Sunday afternoon and does everything I ask regarding our son. 

I left the marriage five months ago and had never been happier, but he met another woman through a friend of his (she became my friend as well) within the last few weeks and everything has changed. I'm livid. I still check his emails and he talks to her until the wee hours of the morning, emails her all day, tells her everything. He’s very short with me now. I don’t know what she tells him on the phone but it’s clear she’s the reason for his change. We never had sex during our separation and never talked about getting back together, but he was much nicer before he met her and I was starting to think that maybe I'd made a mistake and wanted to go back to him.

I can tell he likes her a lot and I think it’s because he misses me and just wants a relationship because I wouldn’t give it another chance. She’s told him it’s too soon, she doesn’t want to be a rebound, she’s never dated a man with children and she wants to be married and she wants children of her own. He’s said he would feel like it was cheating to have sex with her before our divorce is final and he’s not sure if he wants anymore children even though he wants to get married again. Doesn’t that mean he still has feelings for me? Doesn’t that mean she is trying to take him away from me by not telling him outright to leave her alone or just walking away and ignoring him? 

He told me he was going out of town on a weekend that I wanted our son, but I found out he was going to be with her and pulled the plug because him going with her would be alienation of affection, right?

The other thing is that I feel like he lied to me from start to finish. He always told me he liked bigger women and short hair. She has long hair and is skinny and he tells her she’s beautiful, but she looks like a man. I feel like he kept me fat and bald to keep anyone else from wanting me. I also left school before we met. He said he didn’t care if I didn’t have a degree but he never made time for me to go back to school. She has four degrees, a license, and is going to get a doctorate. 

I want to email her to tell her what a stupid tramp she is. He even shared a picture of her with a friend of his and was bragging about how beautiful and smart and funny she is and how she’s a breath of fresh air and makes him feel good. He’s stupid to believe this established woman wants him when he doesn’t even have a job. All of my friends say she's ugly, so I'm not alone in thinking she's just around because she's getting old and no other man will have her.

I want to call him and his friend out on facebook. How can she call herself my ‘friend’ if she’s setting my husband up with another woman? How can he claim to love church and Jesus and cheat on me? All three are rats and they need to go down.


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## m0nk (Mar 14, 2014)

whatdoido14 said:


> He lost his job in 2013 and I left two weeks later because I realized I never really wanted to be married, but I didn't want to be a single mother and getting married was the only way for me to have the baby I so desperately wanted. When he could no longer provide for us there was no reason for us to stay together.
> 
> My husband was a great provider when he worked. He is a good father and takes our son from Wednesday afternoon to Sunday afternoon and does everything I ask regarding our son.
> 
> ...


I am not sure what you are wanting advice on, exactly, but since it was not clear and you ARE asking for advice, I will give it to you point blank. 

A man will not want you if you are hovering over him, checking his emails into the "wee hours" to see his conversations, and cross referencing things on facebook to see who he is interested in. 

I will address a a few things I noticed in your post. To me, it sounded like "me, me, me" throughout. This is just my perception. I am not meaning to sound harsh, just honest, and again, this is my opinion. The first issue is it SOUNDS like you wanted to get married to have a child. When your husband could no longer provide, you left him for that same reason. However, by your own admission, he is a great father to your child and does everything for this child. If this is the case, WHY are you upset? It sounds like the reason you are upset is BECAUSE he wants someone else. How can this upset you if the above is true? 

Next, regarding him keeping you "fat and bald," the best thing you can do (honestly) is stop stalking his emails, focus on your child, and go to the gym. Get your hair done, grow it out. Go back to school to be able to provide for yourself and your child. This will get you in shape, give you energy and confidence, and help you rest. IF you still have feelings for your husband beyond providing both genetic material and monetary and emotional support for your child, this is the best thing you can do for yourself, your child, and your husband. 

You have to respect yourself before expecting others to respect you. Please focus on yourself and your child, and take this with a grain of salt--its just some advice from a passer-by. Good luck...


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

You told him it's over and left him.
Again why are you mad at them?:scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

This cannot be for real.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

I'm NOT trying to be mean, I'm just telling you the truth, you're nuts. :scratchhead: You just sound jealous. *You* left, that's abandonment. You don't have a legal leg to stand on, you come off as selfish and vindictive. I find for the defendant, case dismissed.


I really hope this is not a real post.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

HarryDoyle said:


> I'm NOT trying to be mean, I'm just telling you the truth, you're nuts. :scratchhead: You just sound jealous. *You* left, that's abandonment. You don't have a legal leg to stand on, you come off as selfish and vindictive. I find for the defendant, case dismissed.
> 
> 
> I really hope this is not a real post.


:iagree:


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

m0nk said:


> I am not sure what you are wanting advice on, exactly, but since it was not clear and you ARE asking for advice, I will give it to you point blank.
> 
> A man will not want you if you are hovering over him, checking his emails into the "wee hours" to see his conversations, and cross referencing things on facebook to see who he is interested in.
> 
> ...


I've always checked his email and phone, so this isn't new.

I want advice on how to expose my husband for being a cheating bastard.

He's not that great of a father if I drove 4 hours with our 2 year old son to come to DC and visit my family for Easter and he didn't offer to help me drive and hasn't called to check on us at all. I sent him a text message and let him know that we'd left. He sent me a message back that said to be safe. I sent him a few pictures of our son along the way and he didn't respond until I sent him a message saying that I arrived and he told me to enjoy my Easter weekend. I'm sure they're together now. My only joy is that he'd have to sleep with her in his tiny apartment because he let me have the house.

I want advice on how to sue our 'friend', "Ann", for criminal conversation and alienation of affection for hooking them up. He does some contracting on the side, but it doesn't pay all the bills. He needed a voice for a piece, but Ann was congested and couldn't, so she asked the tramp. The tramp contacted my husband and did the recording for him and he started asking Ann about her. Ann sent her the pertinent info and he started talking to her. In later emails it pretty much came out that he thought Ann never really cared for me and Ann wants to see him happy, so she knew exactly what she was doing when she got them into contact with one another. Ann has pretended to be my friend since my husband and I got together. I don't see how she could betray me like this. 

I want advice on how to sue this tramp for alienation of affection, she doesn't even deserve to be called a woman because a woman wouldn't throw herself at a married man with a toddler, since she is interfering in my marriage. She doesn't know what it takes to be a wife and mother if she's spent all this time focusing on her education. She's 32 and no one has seen her fit to marry and make a mother, so she has to go after an unemployed 40 year old. Don't you think if she was so smart and beautiful that she can do better than that?

I don't think I can sue him, but I can sue those two for sure.

Part of me wants to expose my husband and Ann out on facebook because we're all still friends there. The new tramp doesn't even have a facebook because that's where he went to look for her but Ann said she doesn't use it. 

I'm just baffled that he's so into someone and we haven't been separated for six months. He's told her he doesn't want to sleep with her, but he wants to kiss her (he didn't kiss me for a few weeks when we first started dating) and play with her curly hair and she gets more beautiful to him every single day. It's like I don't even exist to him and I'm his wife, the mother to his first and only child and he's pushed us to the side for the first pair of tits to come along.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Simply put you have no legal basis to sue the OW in your scenario. You can sue your husband, its called divorce. If this is even true, good luck finding any lawyer who would ever consider taking your case based on what you wrote.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

whatdoido14 said:


> I'm just baffled that he's so into someone and we haven't been separated for six months.


After reading your bs, it isn't baffling at all.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

whatdoido14 said:


> I decided that I want to make my marriage work.


I know this will come as a shock to you, but this isn't entirely up to you.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

i'm not a lawyer, nor do i play one on tv, but my guess is you are sh1t out of luck. 

my advice is to start over bc you've really screwed the pooch on this one. what a clusterfvck.


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

honcho said:


> Simply put you have no legal basis to sue the OW in your scenario. You can sue your husband, its called divorce. If this is even true, good luck finding any lawyer who would ever consider taking your case based on what you wrote.


I decided that I didn't want a divorce and I wanted to make my marriage work before I found out about this tramp. I didn't even have a chance to tell him. 

Now? I want him to talk about it with me and she's messing it up. I told my friend to go to his apartment to see if there is a car in the visitor spot because I just know that they are together. 



Omar174 said:


> After reading your bs, it isn't baffling at all.


He loved me enough to write poems about me. He loved out son enough to write poems about him before he was born. Everything was perfect and wonderful then. He was still loving me up until we separated. Once we separated he didn't mention me at all on facebook or say that he missed me or anything. I came to my parents and he stayed in the house. He didn't say anything to me until I told him I wasn't coming back and he begged me to bring our son back and he'd move out and let me have the house. He was more worried about seeing our son than he was me and that hurt. 



Omar174 said:


> I know this will come as a shock to you, but this isn't entirely up to you.


But he could work together WITH ME without Ann meddling and this other woman pretending she likes him. That's the part that bites me the most. Ann knows how much I love him and she set them up. She could have told my husband that he was a married man with a child and didn't need to be sniffing out his next taste of vagina so quickly.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wait.

Hold up.

You left him. You wanted out of the marriage because you decided it was not working for you.

Since then (since you left him) he has met someone else.

I don't think this is the same thing as had he had an affair and "alienated" you of affection.

I personally those alien of affection legal demands are pointless because why waste more money suing on top of a divorce. With that said, it does not appear you have a leg to stand on anyway being that you left him and decided the marriage was over BEFORE he met this woman.

Be careful what you wish for?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

whatdoido14 said:


> I want advice on how to expose my husband for being a cheating bastard.
> 
> I want advice on how to sue this tramp for alienation of affection*, she doesn't even deserve to be called a woman *because a woman wouldn't throw herself at a married man with a toddler, since she is interfering in my marriage. She doesn't know what it takes to be a wife and mother if she's spent all this time focusing on her education. *She's 32 and no one has seen her fit to marry and make a mother*, so she has to go after an unemployed 40 year old. *Don't you think if she was so smart and beautiful *that she can do better than that?


I can't even begin...

Oh wait. 



















Almost had me going there for a second.

And if this is legit, OP has way bigger issues to deal with...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

HarryDoyle said:


> I'm NOT trying to be mean, I'm just telling you the truth, *you're nuts.* [/SIZE]


:rofl:



whatdoido14 said:


> How am I the ***** when *she's the one probably happily spreading them for him right now*?


And he is happily going in her. 

Because nobody is sticking a gun to his head.


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Wait.
> 
> Hold up.
> 
> ...


"Second, if the conduct occurred after the date of separation, but the couple is attempting to reconcile or do not intend for the separation to be permanent, the post-separation conduct in itself could be the basis for an alienation of affection or criminal conversation claim. It is important to note that if a couple is separated, and they intend for that separation to be permanent, then the post-separation conduct cannot be the *sole* basis for either claim."

NC Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation

"A physical separation will not bar a claim for criminal conversation even if the sexual relations with the third party took place after the separation occurred."

Gailor Hunt Jenkins Davis & Taylor Lawyers - Hot Topics In Family Law

This makes me understand that I can legally do it. I just wanted advice on how.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

whatdoido14 said:


> I decided that I didn't want a divorce and I wanted to make my marriage work before I found out about this tramp. I didn't even have a chance to tell him.
> 
> Now? I want him to talk about it with me and she's messing it up. I told my friend to go to his apartment to see if there is a car in the visitor spot because I just know that they are together.
> 
> ...


Must not feed troll.


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Wait.
> 
> Hold up.
> 
> ...





Jellybeans said:


> Wait.
> 
> Hold up.
> 
> ...


"Second, if the conduct occurred after the date of separation, but the couple is attempting to reconcile or do not intend for the separation to be permanent, the post-separation conduct in itself could be the basis for an alienation of affection or criminal conversation claim. It is important to note that if a couple is separated, and they intend for that separation to be permanent, then the post-separation conduct cannot be the *sole* basis for either claim."

NC Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation

"A physical separation will not bar a claim for criminal conversation even if the sexual relations with the third party took place after the separation occurred."

Gailor Hunt Jenkins Davis & Taylor Lawyers - Hot Topics In Family Law

This makes me understand that I can legally do it. I just wanted advice on how.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

But but... this could be fun


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

Omar174 said:


> Must not feed troll.


I'm trolling because I asked for advice? I'm desperate and was looking for people who could help me. Not make fun of me and call me names.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

whatdoido14 said:


> I'm trolling because I asked for advice? I'm desperate and was looking for people who could help me. Not make fun of me and call me names.


If by chance you are actually for real, you are beyond help. :scratchhead:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You want advice? You have no legal basis for alienation of affection.

You left your husband. Under the law, that is abandonment. 

You can't start wailing about how unfair it is that he met someone else after you left him. It sounds like he wants nothing to do with you anymore and he is pursuing things with the educated/beautiful/32 year old woman you think is a tramp and isn't "fit to be a wife or mother" (I don't even know what that means. The absolute horror of a woman being educated!). 

Get the divorce you wanted and bounce.

If you are real.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Omar174 said:


> If by chance you are actually for real, you are beyond help. :scratchhead:


:iagree:

Massive amounts of therapy are in order. If it's legit.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Careful what you wish for, you may get it is correct. You got exactly what you wanted. It was no longer his job to wait once you made your proclamation for divorce. Freedom is a two way street and you took a risk and it appears to have backfired on you. 

Whether she is a horrible person and manipulating your stbx or his feeling for her are kind of irrelevant at the moment. He could very well be alone right now and still not wanting to be with you. He made a choice just as you did. 

Again if this is actually true, grow up, own your decisions and understand the world does not revolve around whatever you want. Your only mad because he moved on.


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> You want advice? You have no legal basis for alienation of affection.
> 
> You left your husband. Under the law, that is abandonment.
> 
> ...


She isn't fit to be a wife or mother for the way she snaked in on my husband. She has no morals for going after a married man and morals are key in a marriage and while raising children. She has given him reason after reason why she isn't into him, but he still talks to her until 3 am sometimes on skype like some pathetic, lovesick puppy. One of those times was after he put our son to bed and had to be up early. He closed the door to talk to her for hours.

I don't have a problem with educated women. I'd be one if he could have made time for me to go back to school while we were together.

I left because of his job situation, but went back to NC and changed my mind. I was going to tell him that and didn't get the chance to because he met her. I've been checking his phone records and emails since I left, he hasn't talked to another woman.

Isn't a separation supposed to be a trial? A cooling off period? I'm not allowed to be hurt when it hasn't even been six months and he finds someone the complete opposite of me and everything that he ever told me he didn't want in a woman? It's a kick in the gut.


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

Another thing, I didn't want a divorce, divorce I don't think. I wanted to separate because he lost his job and couldn't provide. I would have been willing to go back sooner had he gotten a job, but something in me changed and I wanted to give it a shot.

I would have had to be separated for a year to get a divorce and it's not been 6 months yet.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

whatdoido14 said:


> She isn't fit to be a wife or mother for the way she snaked in on my husband. She has no morals for going after a married man.


Oh please. Your husband has a choice in the matter. If he didn't want to be involved with her, he wouldn't be.

It is as simple as that.



whatdoido14 said:


> She has given him reason after reason why she isn't into him, but he still talks to her until 3 am sometimes on skype like some pathetic, lovesick puppy.


So why are you hating on her so hard? Seems your anger is completely misdirected. And how do you know when he Skypes her? Are you stalking his Skype? 



whatdoido14 said:


> Isn't a separation supposed to be a trial? A cooling off period?


Not for everyone. Separation can be the death knell to a lot of marriages. Especially when the one who leaves thinks the other is going to be sitting waiting for them after they have told them they want a divorce.

Again, be careful what you wish for.

Cause you just might get it.

That's exactly what happened here.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

whatdoido14 said:


> I decided that I didn't want a divorce and I wanted to make my marriage work before I found out about this tramp. I didn't even have a chance to tell him.
> 
> Now? I want him to talk about it with me and she's messing it up. I told my friend to go to his apartment to see if there is a car in the visitor spot because I just know that they are together.
> 
> ...


You abandoned your marriage so don't go the relgious route. What you did is the same as adultery. As a matter of fact your husband probably thinks you have/had a boyfriend didn't he?

You broke his heart, why would he want to take a chance on you doing that again?


You kicked him out, you can't win a lawsuit since he just did what you told him to. Changing your mind doesn't count unless he wants it to.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> I left the marriage five months ago


My advice? Move on. Leave them alone.

You have hurt your husband and your child more than enough, already.


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Oh please. Your husband has a choice in the matter. If he didn't want to be involved with her, he wouldn't be.
> 
> It is as simple as that.


I don't know if they are involved sexually. I have no way of seeing his text messages to and from her. I can only check their emails (no sign of sex there) and phone records (to see the number and lengths of calls).

The involvement seems to be infatuation and leaning toward sex. Isn't that what adults eventually do? 

I would be lying if I said I wasn't saddened when he ignores me and is nice to her. 



Jellybeans said:


> So why are you hating on her so hard? Seems your anger is completely misdirected. And how do you know when he Skypes her? Are you stalking his Skype?


Because they're stupid enough to email each other after their long nights "talking". She said she was tired and he asked why. She said because someone kept her up until 3AM on skype. He apologized and called her "dear" before asking if they should have a cut off time for their conversations. 

I don't hate her. I hate that she's trashy enough to throw herself at a married man. I hate that this woman has the potential to be around my son. 



Jellybeans said:


> Not for everyone. Separation can be the death knell to a lot of marriages. Especially when the one who leaves thinks the other is going to be sitting waiting for them after they have told them they want a divorce.


Thank you.


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## GIM003 (Feb 5, 2014)

whatdoido14 said:


> I want advice on how to expose my husband for being a cheating bastard.


Uh, I don't think what he is doing is cheating. I think a better term might be "moving on".

Moving on seems like a reasonable response when someone is dumped by his wife because he has lost his job as you describe in your initial post. As others have pointed out, once you left him you lost any say in how he lives his life. Sorry.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

You dumped him because he lost his job and could not provide.


Separated for 6 months Divorce in progress which is what you 
wanted and enforced

You may have changed your mind about dumping him if he gets a job. 

In the meantime..

He has met someone who likes him and he likes her. 

She is a bit nervous of being rebound and hooking up with a guy who has kids and is still technically married. Moving carefully until Divorce is final. 

Seems reasonable to me

You can't dump your husband and then be pissed he is moving on.
Horse. Door. Bolted


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Upon initially reading through the initial post for this thread, I figured I'd either quote a few snippets and offer input for each or just quote the entire post and sort of intersperse my input in bold. 

It looks like several others have already done that (seemingly, to no avail), so I'll refrain and offer this simple advice instead...

I think you came to the wrong site looking for help. Maybe try googling for the following instead...

"how to be a better spouse"
"how to become a sugar baby"


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Oh Gosh! what do you want? You sound a very selfish woman who is after a man's money and not love. You left him when he needed your support and now he is trying to move on and you are thinking to start trouble? Seriously? what is wrong with you? What did you want him to do? Waiting for you all his life? To be honest, he is lucky he is no longer with you. Just try to find another man you can manipulate and move on. Good luck. PS, Find a book or counseling on " How to become a good wife!"


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

He's moved on already. Leave him be with a woman who obviously doesn't care if he has a job or not. She accepts him for who he is. 

Good on him, he sounds like a lovely man.

On the other hand, you sound very young, selfish and immature.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

whatdoido14 said:


> Another thing, I didn't want a divorce, divorce I don't think. *I wanted to separate because he lost his job and couldn't provide.* I would have been willing to go back sooner had he gotten a job, but something in me changed and I wanted to give it a shot.
> 
> I would have had to be separated for a year to get a divorce and it's not been 6 months yet.


Did you forget your vows?
"For richer or poorer."
You left your husband when he needed you most, if I was your husband, I would have thanked my lucky stars because I would have seen your true colors. 

BTW, if you really changed your mind & wanted to work things out, you would have told him that right away, not taken your time doing so. 
And it must have been a slow process to tell because in that time frame he managed to meet another woman & fall for her.
So yeah, I think you're lying about changing your mind, you only wanted him back after he found someone else.


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## TiredFamilyGuy (Jan 18, 2014)

Rare to see a poster quite so determinedly blind. However, refreshingly candid so honour to you, OP, for not gilding the lily.

Now for the tough love: Actions have consequences. Your actions. *Your* actions.

You do not seem to take responsibility for the situation you did everything possible to create, and are instead avoiding what would do you some good (self-examination, acknowledgement of moral error) in favour of shunting your disappointment into some "Darn ***** stole my husband" fantasy. 

I am sorry for your situation. You have made many mistakes. The way out for you is to learn what mistakes are and to own them. You will not have the life you lost, but can have a good life, even love, all the same. 

BTW the reason your husband told you he loved the way you looked, is likely because he loved you and that's how it works. Judge for yourself what that means. 

Good luck OP with turning the corner and facing up to the challenge.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

You left the marriage and moved on 5 months ago. He finally did the same too, and now you can't stand that and get possesive of him? 

You have no right to claim anymore, he is not cheating, as there is no relationship left to cheat in anymore.

Don't blame him, his new gf, just take a good look at yourself. There is a reason you wanted out, and you know it, and he knows it. Accept you didn't want him then and let him be happy. Just as happy as you since you left him, your words!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Oh dear, WDID.

I'm afraid there is no magic wand that anyone here can wave over you and make things right.

I'm no lawyer but I really think your idea of suing 'them' for alienation of affection etc is a no go, the only person who could give you that advice is a lawyer.

The only advice I can give is to suck it up I'm afraid.

Become the best woman you can be, do some working out, eat properly, trim yourself up if you are overweight, grow your hair and keep it looked after, dress well, don't be a slob, be confident.

Don't chase him but make sure he knows you are around, anytime you do have to meet up be as awesome as you can be, wear that killer dress he always liked you in.

He married you for a reason, see if you can get him to rediscover that reason.

And if he doesn't, well he is not the only guy out there, don't succumb to the female version of oneitis. If you make the best of yourself that you can, another guy will snap you up, I'll almost guarantee it.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Alienation of affection requires a functioning marriage. Halfway thru the requied by nc year separation is not a functioning marriage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You are jealous that he has found someone else, right?

You dumped him in the worst way possible.

You are not his wife any more.


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

If this is real? My advice- go get a good therapist and let the poor guy move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I dated a woman for a short period of time, about a month.

She ended the relationship and we had no contact with each other after that.

Several years later I met and began dating the woman I am now married to.

Unbeknown to me my ex-girlfriend and my then current girlfriend had been best friends at school, 10-15 years previously.

Ex-girlfriend was very jealous of the fact that we were dating. For no reason.:scratchhead:


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> I dated a woman for a short period of time, about a month.
> 
> She ended the relationship and we had no contact with each other after that.
> 
> ...


Hadn't heard this part of your story before, Matt. You have truly been to the Twilight Zone and back.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Philat said:


> Hadn't heard this part of your story before, Matt. You have truly been to the Twilight Zone and back.


How I found out was quite funny. We were passing by a strange little cottage and my fiancée (now my wife) said: "Oh, that's were my best friend xxxxx grew up!"

I sort of made a choking sound, and she looked at me and said: "Did you date her?" When I admitted this she laughed and said: "Oh, you poor sod! I bet that was an interesting experience!"

Which it was.:rofl:


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

This one just really takes the cake. I mean... We've seen and heard about selfishness, but this... it's way out there.

Op- Move on... you have no claim to him. That was your decision. He doesn't want to reconcile with you. You deserted him.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

If real, this is an interesting view into the logic of someone with an entirely entitlement-based way of thinking. 

How do you reason with someone like this?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You want a meal ticket and I find that trashy.
If you want a marriage call him and tell him, but don't make judgements about the fitness of someone else to be a wife and mother. Frankly I could question your fitness as a mother since you're more concerned about him wanting to see you than him wanting to see his son. That tells me you view your son as a meal ticket.
Still not convinced this is real though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)




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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> How I found out was quite funny. We were passing by a strange little cottage and my fiancée (now my wife) said: "Oh, that's were my best friend xxxxx grew up!"
> 
> I sort of made a choking sound, and she looked at me and said: "Did you date her?" When I admitted this she laughed and said: "Oh, you poor sod! I bet that was an interesting experience!"
> 
> Which it was.:rofl:


Not as interesting as your marriage though,eh?


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

You left him. Deal with it. 

Why are you posting on an infidelity site? In your own words "you left because you didn't want to be married anyway. You just wanted a baby." Oh and he lost his job too of course. Nice!

Sue? Who and for what. :rofl: :rofl:

Surely this thread can't be real. If so I feel sorry for the husband,


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

A lawyer would cost you money. Can you afford one? There's always one that will take on your case. Can you afford, say, $50,000 after it's all said and done?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

BjornFree said:


> Not as interesting as your marriage though,eh?


Yes, that's a good point.


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

********** said:


> You left him. Deal with it.
> 
> Why are you posting on an infidelity site? In your own words "you left because you didn't want to be married anyway. You just wanted a baby." Oh and he lost his job too of course. Nice!
> 
> ...


I sincerely thought that if we separated it was just a fire under his behind to find a job ASAP. He begged me to come back when I left NC for DC with our son. He left the house WILLINGLY and told me I could stay in it. Why would I think he wants a divorce when he begged me to come back? Why would he get involved with someone without even discussing our marriage with me?

He always said that the man’s job was to take care of the family. He lost his job and couldn’t do that any longer. Simple as that. It had nothing to do with being a sugar baby or money hungry.

I’m on an infidelity forum because I feel that what he is doing goes against our vows, which he has done twice since November by being unable to care for our family and now taking up with this woman. I’m sorry that you don’t see it that way.

I also don't see anything wrong with a woman wanting to wait until she's married to have a child. I guess it would have been better if I'd gone to a club with my tits hanging out and secured a baby through a one night stand? And I'm crazy? Okay. 

I didn't come here to be insulted and treated like I just sat around waiting on a man to take care of me. I'm 34 and I've worked since I was 16. He is the one who wanted to do everything 'God's way' and that THAT is what attracted me to him. He wasn't all about sex, sex, sex and stringing me along. Since taking up with this woman he hasn't been to church a single time. So much for God when there's some new tail in the picture. 

Thanks to all who offered tips on what to do to get my husband back. May God bless you. I have a lot to work on when I get back to NC.


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

What you have been doing "goes against your vows." In fact, you proclaimed you didn't even want to be married to him in the first place. You can't pick and choose when you decide to take your vows seriously.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Talk about vows. You betrayed yours when you left him he was down. Since he was not making the money you moved on. You gave him no affection, no love and no sex. 

He does what anyone would do. You left and he is moving on with his life and now you want him back but everything is his fault. Grow up


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your attitude seems to be: "Wait! He moved on? How could he move on? Doesn't he know he is supposed to live in a crummy, cheap apartment and cry bitter tears for the rest of his life, because I dumped him? The very nerve of him for finding a woman to date!"


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

whatdoido14 said:


> I sincerely thought that if we separated it was just a fire under his behind to find a job ASAP. He begged me to come back when I left NC for DC with our son. He left the house WILLINGLY and told me I could stay in it. Why would I think he wants a divorce when he begged me to come back? Why would he get involved with someone without even discussing our marriage with me?
> 
> He always said that the man’s job was to take care of the family. He lost his job and couldn’t do that any longer. Simple as that. It had nothing to do with being a sugar baby or money hungry.
> 
> ...


First questions you must ask yourself:-

Are you mature enough for any marriage?
Do you deserve your husband?
Did he deserve the way you treated him?

Be honest with yourself. because honesty to yourself is the key to improving yourself and growing as a person.


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## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

OP,

The picture is quite clear: 

1. You married your H as a sperm donor and a financial provider. I guess he doesn't suspect that and probably believes in your feelings. 

2. You played the games to get him out of the house and you were happy until external threat appeared - your H started to see OW. 

3. You want to keep him single and available for you at any moment - i.e. when he starts to earn money again.

I am not a lawyer but from common sense point of view you don't have a good chance to win Alienation case - he didn't leave you cause of OW - you alienated him.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

whatdoido14 said:


> He lost his job in 2013 and I left two weeks later because *I realized I never really wanted to be married*, but I didn't want to be a single mother and *getting married was the only way for me to have the baby I so desperately wanted*. When he could no longer provide for us *there was no reason for us to stay together.*


Here are all the reasons you state, in your OWN words, why you have no desire to be married to him.

You left, you ABANDONED him, and now you want to sue a friend for introducing your STBX to a new woman? Neither the friend (Ann) nor the OW has legal standing in this case so leave them out of it.

You sound like a user (only wanted your husband to get a baby, tossed him aside when it no longer worked for you), you are selfish and vindictive.

You made your bed. Now lie in it.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

And another thing. You're being very hostile towards people here who are offering you neutral, unbiased advice. But you're so wrapped up in your own anger, you can't see it for what it is.



whatdoido14 said:


> I have a lot to work on when I get back to NC.


Yes, you can start by losing weight and growing your hair out, neither of which are his fault.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

whatdoido14 said:


> He wasn't all about sex, sex, sex and stringing me along. Since taking up with this woman he hasn't been to church a single time. So much for God when there's some new tail in the picture.


Coz he's making her scream 'Oh, God! Oh, God!' :rofl:


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

whatdoido14 said:


> I But he could work together WITH ME without Ann meddling and *this other woman pretending she likes him.*


What makes you think she is pretending? I think she is probably in love with him, and he is in love with her.

And I don't think Ann is meddling.

You want to have your cake and eat it too. You tossed him to the curb like a piece of trash when you no longer wanted him; now you are thinking maybe you tossed him too quickly. You don't really want him back; you just don't want HER to have him.

Sounds like you are a day late and a dollar short. I think he has moved on.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Wait for the spring runoff water to melt. 
The water will rise, washing everything out from under the bridge.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

You took a gamble and you may have lost. Do you know what a blow it is for any man to lose his job and not be able to provide for his family? Happens all the time but most wives don't kick their husbands out.They support them through it. Marriage vows after all say 'for better, for worse'. 

Or was he sitting around the house and not looking for work? 

But in your post you said you didn't want to be married in the first place and also said you were never happier after 5 months of separation. Whatever.

It's simple. Meet with him. Ask him whether he wants to come back and work on the marriage or whether he wants a divorce. 

If he wants a divorce then I guess you can try suing. :scratchhead:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under The Bridge [Official Music Video] - YouTube

Enjoy.

Edit: 200!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Careful! Let's not anyone get into trouble.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

doubletrouble said:


> Wait for the spring runoff water to melt.
> The water will rise, washing everything out from under the bridge.


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

Have you ever seen little children play with a toy? They will play with a toy for a little while and then get bored with it. Eventually the toy winds up collecting dust in the corner of a room. Until...another kid would come to visit. They would see the abandoned toy and start playing with it. Then the first child would all of a sudden want to play with the toy again. Mine! Mine! Mine!


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Let's see

Never wanted to be married.
Married to have a kid.
Was fine with being married as long as husband paid the bills and gave you money to spend?
Left your husband when he needed you the most.
Said, you've never been happier being by yourself.
Husband moved on and found someone better.
Now you want him back.
**BTW, you wanting him back doesn't have anything to do with him maybe finding a new job?**

So, what redeeming qualities do you have for him to get back with you?

I'm not seeing any pros for him taking you back.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

In The Dark said:


> Have you ever seen little children play with a toy? They will play with a toy for a little while and then get bored with it. Eventually the toy winds up collecting dust in the corner of a room. Until...another kid would come to visit. They would see the abandoned toy and start playing with it. Then the first child would all of a sudden want to play with the toy again. Mine! Mine! Mine!


This is exactly why my child's Easter eggs contained cash and consumables.


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

CH said:


> Let's see
> 
> Never wanted to be married.
> Married to have a kid.
> ...


I didn't snake in on a man because he was a provider and I just wanted a baby.

I wanted a family. I got one. I realized that maybe I never really wanted to be married and was in it for the wrong reasons (just so I could have a baby). He lost his job. He was no longer providing for us and that was the boost that I needed to leave. 

I WAS happy because I no longer felt like 'uh oh. this was a mistake.' That happy feeling started to go away and I started to think that maybe I should work my marriage out. Around the same time that my feelings started to change is when I saw that he had met this woman. 

HE IS STILL NOT WORKING. Me wanting him back has nothing to do with him procuring a job. He still does stuff for our son. He takes him Wednesday afternoon to Sunday evening. He picks him up from daycare Monday and Tuesday afternoon.

He writes on the side. Normally, he had me or Ann do voice work for him. Ann claimed she was congested and couldn't do it, but she'd ask her friend. This was all via email. Clearly he wasn't asking me. The woman read the script for him and sent him the work. He claimed he loved her voice and started asking Ann about her. Ann (knowing that he is married) gave him the woman's information. My husband started emailing the woman. The first was thanking her for helping him. The rest was fluff. He asked Ann about her again and she sent a photo (without him asking her). He went on to Ann about how gorgeous the woman was and emailed the woman again.The conversation went from there and moved to text. When I checked the phone records I can see that they have spoken on the phone a lot and there has been a surge in his texting. 

We never actually discussed divorce when I made the decision to leave even though I did say I don't want to be married. He begged me to bring our son back and moved out the weekend before I was to come back. He won't talk about our marriage. He always says there is nothing to discuss and I made my decision and his only concern is our son. He's told this woman that he plans on divorcing me, but he has not uttered those words directly to me. Not in text, email, or person. He picks our son up from daycare and brings him to the house with very little interaction between us.

Someone raised a good point that it is possible that he thought I had/have a boyfriend when I left or that I am currently seeing someone. I do not. I did not. I needed space and time to think about what was going on.

It breaks my heart to think of him with this other woman and I was a bit harsh on someone I don't know. I was angry and I still am because part of me is a bit jealous of her. Yes, I googled. No, I shouldn't have because she is darn near a perfect woman and that is enough to make anyone insecure-athletic, degrees, travels, politics, volunteering, a well connected family. It's all right there for me to see and I do wonder if maybe I missed something in my husband if this woman could probably have any man she set her sights on and she opted for an unemployed married one. 

And, AGAIN, please stop calling me a troll. I came here for legitimate help and I've tried to answer everyone as respectfully as possible without lashing out or cursing or being rude. I just want to fix this and I'll take whatever lumps from any of you to do so outside of accusing me of being a troll.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If you're really for real then the kind of help you need won't be found here, that's for sure. Your posts are perhaps the most stunning display of narcissism I have ever seen here on TAM.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

i can't find any place where you mention you love your H.
do you?

what makes you think/feel it would be better if you got back together with him?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Folks, please consider removing any posts implying the OP is not genuine. If you don't, you could risk being banned. 

If you feel you have any concerns about any other poster, it's wisest to use the report button or PM a moderator.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

whatdoido14 said:


> I didn't snake in on a man because he was a provider and I just wanted a baby.
> 
> I wanted a family. I got one. I realized that maybe I never really wanted to be married and was in it for the wrong reasons (just so I could have a baby). He lost his job. He was no longer providing for us and that was the boost that I needed to leave.
> 
> ...


You might, genuinely, have realised that you really do love your husband. If so, I hope this realisation is not too late for you.

I think that it is possible that individual counselling might be a good idea for you as it could help you work out what you did that was wrong and why you did it and, hopefully, help you not to make similar mistakes in the future.

Good luck.


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

I don't think you understand how deeply you betrayed your husband by leaving in his time of need. I pride myself on being a provider, but when I've been between jobs, my W stood by me. If she treated me the way have, I'd have moved on as well. 

If you want him back, you might start with a heart-felt, humble apology for not supporting him. And for going into marriage under false pretenses. (The only thing that could make this worse would be the baby was another man's. Seriously, getting married to someone who only wanted a baby and provider, but didn't first deeply love me would kill me.)

I don't recall you saying you love him; do you? If not, let him go, there is not a "marriage" for you to want back. It sounds like you want the lifestyle, not the man. 

If I'm wrong, try the apology above, get in shape, make yourself more attractive physically and in personality, and you may have a chance. 

Looking at sentiments here, I wouldn't think a jury would take your side, and a lawsuit would bring them closer - he'll want to protect the OW.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I definitely agree with In Theory. I've lost many jobs during my career but I have been fortunate enough to find something else better every time (it definitely was not by what I could ever do but through God). If you are not going to support your husband when he needs you the most, then you should never have gotten married. My wife does the same thing you do and the hurt you cause doing this is unspeakable. It's caused me to never again think of her as a partner, only someone I'm forced to put up with.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

whatdoido14 said:


> *I left the marriage five months ago and had never been happier, *but he met another woman through a friend of his (she became my friend as well) within the last few weeks and everything has changed. *I'm livid*.


Sounds like you are feeling the need to move the goalposts around from that ^^



whatdoido14 said:


> I WAS happy because I no longer felt like 'uh oh. this was a mistake.' That happy feeling started to go away and I started to think that maybe I should work my marriage out. Around the same time that my feelings started to change is when I saw that he had met this woman.


To this. ^

Maybe because you're not getting approval from the posters here to manipulate and manoeuvre his life around any more?

To little to late, lady friend. Move on. He won, you lost. Yep, that's what happens when you try to play games with people's emotions.

Honestly, the way you describe yourself, I think he's lucky. You did him a favour. Grow up and leave him alone. He's obviously in the arms of a woman who accepts him, warts and all. 
Unlike the atrocious way you treated him.

I wish him all the best with her.

I hope you eventually find whatever it is in life you are searching for and can take responsibility for your actions.


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

BetrayedAgain7 said:


> Sounds like you are feeling the need to move the goalposts around from that ^^
> 
> 
> To this. ^
> ...


How did I move the goalposts? My original statement HAS NOT CHANGED.

I HAD been happy and I WAS happy mean the same thing where I live. I most definitely was relieved to no longer have the 'This isn't what I thought I wanted' feeling. I didn't say I was so thrilled to have him gone that I did backflips and I'm still thrilled that he's gone.

For the people in the back who still don't get it: My feelings toward him began to change and I started to miss him and wanted to work things out. I was trying to figure out if I really missed HIM or missed having _someone_ around. I didn't want to go back and forth with the i love him, i love him not, so I really tried to take my time. It was during this time that I found out about the other woman. 

I'm sorry I didn't keep a journal with exact dates and times to upload to show you exactly when my emotions shifted and what I was thinking in relation to how their relationship unfolded. I'm sorry I didn't just spring, "Oh, hey! I want you back, so bring all your stuff when you bring our kid home" as he was picking up our son. Silly me for thinking that I needed to actually formulate a plan as opposed to just dropping that on him.

I will not deny that I AM angry that there is someone else. I AM hurt that his attitude toward me has changed. He wasn't bending at my every whim, but at least he was warmer toward me and that shift hurts.

I never asked how to manipulate him. I asked how to FIX this. _*F-I-X*_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's only natural for you to feel upset that he has moved on so fast, anyone would be. 

But... the thing is... if he doesn't want to work it out with you and has moved on, there is nothing you can do about that.

The fact remains...he did not alienate you--you left him. He simply moved on (at warp speed, but still).

I say spend some time alone for awhile to take in what happened and move on with your life if he does not want to reconnect again.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

whatdoido14 said:


> How did *I* move the goalposts? *My* original statement HAS NOT CHANGED.
> 
> *I *HAD been happy and* I* WAS happy mean the same thing where *I *live. *I* most definitely was relieved to no longer have the 'This isn't what *I *thought *I* wanted' feeling. *I* didn't say* I* was so thrilled to have him gone that *I* did backflips and *I'm* still thrilled that he's gone.
> 
> ...


I count 37 instances all about you. 14 talking about him. And you don't see the problem here?!?!?!

ETA - 39 to 15 since you edited


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> I count 37 instances all about you. 14 talking about him. And you don't see the problem here?!?!?!
> 
> ETA - 39 to 15 since you edited


Oh, you can read. Good. Go back and read where I said we haven't talked about it, so I have NO CLUE what he feels or what he's thinking. I can only go off what he says to the other woman in emails.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

My dear entitled princess...

Possibly, none of this has anything to do with your husband. Look deeply into your own values and deep into your past. How have your previous relationships evolved. Have you tended to blame others when life gave you an upset tummy? Do you fully evaluate consequences of actions and alternatives? Are things always really all about you.

How would you feel if your husband wrote in and shared his feelings. Would you tend to read with empathy or strike out and overwhelm his discussion with your thoughts and feelings. 

Do your husbands emotions matter at all in all this.

So many questions....


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I give up. Carry on then.


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## whatdoido14 (Apr 19, 2014)

Q tip said:


> My dear entitled princess...
> 
> Possibly, none of this has anything to do with your husband. Look deeply into your own values and deep into your past. How have your previous relationships evolved. Have you tended to blame others when life gave you an upset tummy? Do you fully evaluate consequences of actions and alternatives? Are things always really all about you.
> 
> ...


Please don't patronize me. You can ask a question without doing so. He will not talk to me about me, us, or the marriage. The only conversations he is willing to have with me are about our son and those have become short in the last few weeks.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

whatdoido14 said:


> Please don't patronize me. You can ask a question without doing so. He will not talk to me about me, us, or the marriage. The only conversations he is willing to have with me are about our son and those have become short in the last few weeks.


Say no more, you've responded brilliantly.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

whatdoido14 said:


> Please don't patronize me. You can ask a question without doing so. He will not talk to me about me, us, or the marriage. *The only conversations he is willing to have with me are about our son and those have become short in the last few weeks*.


maybe that's because he now see's you for exactly who you are, the same person that many here have pointed out as selfish, heartless and totally entitled.

such a person has to fix themselves before there can be any real meaningful hope for a relationship. get yourself into counseling.


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

I'm trying to understand your mindset. It makes me curious. You left him once he couldn't provide for you and then realized you didn't want to be married to him. You were gone for five months and during that time, you expected him to wait until you figured out what you wanted? Is that correct or am I missing something?

I honestly am trying to figure out your thought process.


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## Rubicon (Jan 13, 2014)

My guess is that he is around here somewhere because from what you describe him doing, it is exactly what the members here would have told him to do: Go dark and only communicate regarding the child. Sounds like he's onto the 180.

You left him, you didn't talk to him, he begged you to come back, you didn't. Then your feelings changed and you missed him, well, his feelings changed also and he no longer misses you. He met someone else and is fixing his life, you are sitting in your mess and crying about it.

You seem to think everything should have waited for your timeline. He has every right to make his own decisions and since you left don't be surprised that they don't include you.

He sounds like he wants to be a good dad, you sound like everything in life is all about you.

You only have yourself to blame. Nobody owes you anything. You took a vow for better or worse, when he lost his job you left him. He deserves someone better than you. It is not his fault if you are fat with an unattractive haircut and no education, it's yours, go do something about it rather than blame and point fingers at him.

The best thing for him would be to get custody of the child away from you as children should not raise children. You act like a spoiled child.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

whatdoido14 said:


> How did I move the goalposts? My original statement HAS NOT CHANGED.
> 
> I HAD been happy and I WAS happy mean the same thing where I live. I most definitely was relieved to no longer have the 'This isn't what I thought I wanted' feeling. I didn't say I was so thrilled to have him gone that I did backflips and I'm still thrilled that he's gone.
> 
> ...


I am going to put on my retired minister's hat to respond.

1. As a Christian you abandoned your marriage and forsook your vows for better or worse.
2. You stated that you never wanted to be married and that the only way for you to have a child was to get married. When he lost his job you stated that there was no longer a reason to stay together. There are consequences to the actions you took. You moved out, your husband did not. You abondoned the marriage first and made it clear it was over. You left your husband when he was down. You make it clear that you used him to have a baby. Just based upon the short time you have written here, it seems that your view of Christianity sees having a baby out of wedlock as morally wrong, hence you got married first. But it was for all the wrong reasons.

By your actions words and deeds, what choices did you leave your husband? You made it very clear that the marriage was over. There is no one here on TAM who is surprised by what your husband did. There is no alienation of affection nor is there criminal conversation. You abondoned the marriage. You opened the door for your husband to start looking as you have made it clear the marriage is over.

Now you are virtually cyber stalking him. I would be very careful from a legal point of view. You start off your post looking for advice on legal action and it seems to me that you may have crossed the line legally speaking.

You had a change of heart about your husband. Frankly it may be far too late. 

As a Christian you can't pick and choose what is morally right and what is not to suit yourself. You are focused on your husband not going to church. I would imagine he feels the church is full of hypocrites and church is the last place he wants to be. 

The sad part is that you seem to know alot more about your husband now then when you were together and had you taken the time to "know" your husband then, I believe you would not be here telling us a tale of woe.


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## Row Jimmy (Apr 15, 2013)

You asked how to fix it. 

Answer = It's TOO LATE!!!! 

It was an unforgivable action on your part and you have to own that. 

The advice you seek is to simply move on and try to be the best parent you can be for your child and work towards earning your own money. Find another man maybe... as this one is over you. 

Best of luck!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

whatdoido14 said:


> Please don't patronize me. You can ask a question without doing so. He will not talk to me about me, us, or the marriage. The only conversations he is willing to have with me are about our son and those have become short in the last few weeks.


He is employing the 180 on you. A practice recommended here on TAM.

I wonder if he is already here on TAM?:scratchhead:


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

I think you need to stop stalking him.


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

When you have this many people who are supporting a "cheating" spouse on a forum that is rabidly anti-cheater, that should tell you something. You won't get anywhere unless you own your mistakes and misdeeds completely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> He is employing the 180 on you. A practice recommended here on TAM.
> 
> :



and look at it working here. 
brilliant.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

whatdoido14 said:


> How did I move the goalposts? My original statement HAS NOT CHANGED.
> 
> I HAD been happy and I WAS happy mean the same thing where I live. I most definitely was relieved to no longer have the 'This isn't what I thought I wanted' feeling. I didn't say I was so thrilled to have him gone that I did backflips and I'm still thrilled that he's gone.
> 
> ...


Do you really want to fix this? If you do I will suggest some basics.

1. Admit that you are a big arse. That you made a hugh mistake and that you are broken, mentally, spiritually and emotionially. If you can't see how you brought this about by your own actions and your actions "alone" then there is little hope for you.

2. Don't blame your husband for any of this. You abandoned him out of purely selfish reasons.

3. Look at how your flawed view of Christianity has tainted the entire relationship. Or perhaps I should say the way you practise your Christianity is flawed. If you look at the concept of marriage from the Old Testament to the New, your view of marriage and how you lived as a "Christian" wife does not match up. 

4. I don't see your marriage as over, per se, but in order to "fix" it, you really need to look at yourself and see just how destructive you are. Get yourself fixed and perhaps you may have a chance.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

This should probably be in the General Relationship section. I don't think this thread has much to do with infidelity at all.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> Do you really want to fix this? If you do I will suggest some basics.
> 
> 1. Admit that you are a big arse. That you made a hugh mistake and that you are broken, mentally, spiritually and emotionially. If you can't see how you brought this about by your own actions and your actions "alone" then there is little hope for you.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

You left your husband when he needed you most. In what had to be his darkest hour. When you're a provider, not being able to provide is absurdly deflating.

You left.

You abandoned him. 

You told him you probably never wanted to be married.

He found someone who cares.

He likely realized that his marriage was AWFUL.

He's not coming back, and honestly, he shouldn't.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Doesn't appear OP will be back.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

I just wish we could find her husband. He needs protection.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Ripper said:


> I just wish we could find her husband. He needs protection.


I have an idea he is already here, or at least has been lurking for a good few months.


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## Rubicon (Jan 13, 2014)

Sounds like he's doing fine, I wouldn't worry about him.

As for her, well I doubt she will post again but come on, the thread is about HER, good or bad she is reading, how can a narcissist not.....


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Her behavior is disgusting. Her picture should be up in post offices, so men everywhere can be warned.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Please OP,

For the future...

If you really really look for a deep personal relationship, full of love, trust and long term growth at all levels. One full true love that renews and strengthens every day with unbelievable happiness and dedication...

Become that person. Then and only then will you find that person.

In a deep relationship, you must be the right person, not find the right person. Finding the right person is your reward.

Peace...


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