# My wife watches lesbian porn and it's freaking me out



## yichud

I caught my wife watching lesbian porn and when I confronted her about it, she said she is 100% straight. I don't get it why would a straight woman want to watch females having sex? 

I mean straight guys don't have any desire to watch gay porn so why do straight women watch lesbian porn?


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## uhtred

Its pretty common for straight women to enjoy lesbian porn. As a straight guy its difficult for me to understand because to me two women getting it on is so obviously arousing that I can't put myself in the mindset of anyone NOT finding it appealing.


In any case I think there is nothing to worry about . Why not watch it with her? It can also be very instructive on how to do some things for women.


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## Keke24

Because women are sexy? I've watched lesbian porn and my partner has also said he's watched it in the past as well. When I was trying to figure out how to masturbate, lesbian porn was my go to. Also when I was trying to figure out how to squirt. 

I've also watched gangbang porn but I sure as heck wouldn't want anyone but my partner near me though. People watch a lot of different types of porn simply out of curiosity. Not everyone seeks out porn based on the specific type of sexual acts they're interested in practicing.

Are there any red flags that make you question her sexuality, besides her watching lesbian porn? If not, you really shouldn't freak out. The last thing you want to do is make her feel she needs to hide to watch porn. Go watch it with her and turn it into some steamy sex session.


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## yichud

Keke24 said:


> Because women are sexy? I've watched lesbian porn and my partner has also said he's watched it in the past as well. When I was trying to figure out how to masturbate, lesbian porn was my go to. Also when I was trying to figure out how to squirt.
> 
> I've also watched gangbang porn but I sure as heck wouldn't want anyone but my partner near me though. People watch a lot of different types of porn simply out of curiosity. Not everyone seeks out porn based on the specific type of sexual acts they're interested in practicing.
> 
> Are there any red flags that make you question her sexuality, besides her watching lesbian porn?


she constantly comments on how good looking women are.


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## Keke24

yichud said:


> she constantly comments on how good looking women are.


And so do I. I stare way more than my partner does. I'm big on butts, I cannot help noticing a woman with a beautiful behind. I almost always point it out to my partner if he doesn't notice. I also compliment women when its obvious they've put some effort into their appearance. I love looking at women's bodies and because of that my partner "treats" me to a strip club visit every now and then. Surely I exhibit way more red flags than your partner.

Any other red flags?


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## TAMAT

Yichud,

What do you know about previous relationships your W had?

Tamat


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## bankshot1993

Be happy that you have a wife with a sex positive outlook. There are to many women out there that were taught sex is dirty and something to be ashamed of. If your wife is open to her sexuality that shouldn't be a threat to you. embrace it and welcome any conversation that comes out of it, it will make you stronger as a couple.


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## Primrose

I watch lesbian porn, too. I also watch a couple other categories that may make some straight laced, vanilla couples raise their brows.


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## peacem

Because women are sexier than men - even to straight women. IMO men in porn are not that sexy...they seem a bit predatory, unattractive or threatening (big penis yuk). There is also lengthy scenes of of cunnilingus which is arousing for women. Porn where men are doing the same thing tends to be briefer and a bit rubbish. 

Another reason why lesbian porn is appealing is because we can learn about our own sexuality. It is more affectionate and less....banging away!

Most don't necessarily watch lesbian porn because we want to have sex with women.


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## yichud

*women and lesbian porn*

why do straight women watch lesbian porn when straight men dont watch gay porn?

you would expect for straight women to watch gay porn instead.


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## browser

yichud said:


> I caught my wife watching lesbian porn and when I confronted her about it


You confronted about her a topic that could bring joy to your life that most guys can only dream about. 

It's like winning the lottery and as they hand you the check you curse them out. 

I just don't understand people. 

:frown2:


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## EleGirl

I merged your two threads. Only one thread per topic please.


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## Hope Shimmers

Why are you so worked up about it, OP?

Human sexuality is complicated. And it isn't binary. (Meaning that people are not either straight or gay). There are gray areas; there is a continuum rather than a strict "one way or the other". 

I consider myself straight, but have experimented back in the day. I am only interested in sex and relationships with men, though; can't imagine having sex with a woman now. Yet I watch porn of all kinds. It's just a way of getting off. 

She's married to you, not a woman. And porn is a fantasy. So what is the big deal?


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## 269370

The only type of porn my wife could bear watching were lesbian shower scenes (she is a bit obsessed about cleanliness so i wonder if it was the soap she was getting off to...).
Nowadays she doesn't watch any porn. I wish she did. I think I'd prefer her watching lesbian porn rather than gay porn/looking at ****s...
Anyway, don't give her a hard time 
Unless she actually seeks out having sex with women. And even then, I would only give her a hard time if I wasn't allowed to join in...Though I would still be hard. Plus a little sad.
Ok I shouldn't joke about it. There must be some relationships in ruins because of this (not so much porn).
Funny, the double standard  Women watching porn: "you go girl!" 
Men watching porn: "sick addict!"


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## chillymorn69

Are you happy with your sex life with yor wife?

Then drop it. This isn't your hill to die on.

Maybe even encorage her to watch it with you


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## TX-SC

I must be a lesbian too. 

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## KaraBoo0723

On the occasions that I do watch porn, I definitely prefer to watch lesbian porn over anything else. I rarely receive oral sex (less than 10 times over the course of 6 years that my husband and I have been together) but it is what I find most enjoyable. If I'm having difficulty orgasming, that will tip me over the edge. I am HD and my H is not -- and apparently the taste of me changes when I get close to climax (I'm also a squirter) and he finds it unpleasant. Seeing as how we are going longer and longer between PIV and the emotional stigma/resentment I feel when I have to ask for sex (subtlety is either lost on him or deliberately ignored), porn has become more frequent for me. 

I see nothing wrong with watching lesbian porn for me personally and have never had a partner complain about it -- I am nearly always ready, willing and able and porn does not effect the quantity or quality of our sex life. 


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## Vinnydee

It took 7 years of marriage before my wife finally gave into her bisexuality. We lived in the pre-internet days so there was no porn for her to watch at the time. What she did do was fantasize about women, invite her friends into our bed for a threesome and finally moved her girlfriend into our home. Her girlfriend was also my girlfriend and had her own room in our home. She was in our life for about 30+ years.

My wife never indicated that she was into girls. If asked she would swear she was straight. She finally accepted her sexuality after she had sex with her best friend and me. I have been in forums with men and women with bisexual spouses. Some will insist on monogamy and deny their spouse the pleasure of exploring their other side. Others are OK if their wife dates women as long as she follows the rules they establish to protect the marriage. A few wanted to divorce their wives and others, like me, made it work by sharing women with their wives. For us it was a win-win situation. Our lifestyle never produced a problem or even an argument. The three of us fit in together perfectly. Not for everyone though. I know that and am not pushing it because most who try it fail and get divorced.

What you should do is to let your wife know, either directly or indirectly, that you are accepting of all sexualities. If you speak ill of non heterosexual people, she may feel that her only course of action is to cheat on you with a woman if she actually has a desire to do so. Women can cheat very easily when their best friend is also their lover. I would not have been suspicious if I came home to find my wife and he girlfriend in their pajamas. If it was a guy sitting there, that would raise a red flag. 

The idea is to make your wife feel safe in coming out to you if she is even bi. I think many men have looked at male gay porn to satisfy their curiosity so don't read too much into it. Just provide a safe environment for her to express her sexuality any way she wants to. Many will all say they are straight, even if they are not. You do not want her to feel like she needs to cheat. That is my only advice. My experience is that all four of my lovers since I was 15, are bisexual. I know a little about it, even the married ones.


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## Affaircare

*Re: women and lesbian porn*



yichud said:


> why do straight women watch lesbian porn when straight men don't watch gay porn?
> 
> you would expect for straight women to watch gay porn instead.


GOOD GOD NO!!!!

Have you ever watched man-on-man gay porn? It's horrible! The music is bad, there's no plot, and it's nothing but pounding. 

Woman-on-woman porn is sexy precisely because it's slower, and warmer, and a little romantic. Even when it's lesbian gay porn (as opposed to a girl who's "exploring" and meets another adventurous girl), the way there is a little bit of a romantic plot, the way women talk and giggle, the way they undress each other, the way they kiss and kiss and kiss...that is sexy to a woman because that's how we get the motor running. 

We don't rip clothes off and then "pound each other with objects obviously too large to fit in that orifice but let's stick it there anyway without any lube." (Shudder) YUCK! That's the opposite of sexy!!


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## KaraBoo0723

Affaircare said:


> GOOD GOD NO!!!!
> 
> Have you ever watched man-on-man gay porn? It's horrible! The music is bad, there's no plot, and it's nothing but pounding.
> 
> Woman-on-woman porn is sexy precisely because it's slower, and warmer, and a little romantic. Even when it's lesbian gay porn (as opposed to a girl who's "exploring" and meets another adventurous girl), the way there is a little bit of a romantic plot, the way women talk and giggle, the way they undress each other, the way they kiss and kiss and kiss...that is sexy to a woman because that's how we get the motor running.
> 
> We don't rip clothes off and then "pound each other with objects obviously too large to fit in that orifice but let's stick it there anyway without any lube." (Shudder) YUCK! That's the opposite of sexy!!




This ^^^^^

I feel like the slow sensuality of girl on girl that seems to be lacking in both hetero porn and most of my (hetero) relationships makes a huge difference in my level of satisfaction and the length of my satiation. 

Yeah, work is exhausting and 5 kids leaves little time for any husband/wife interaction let alone intimacy but I truly long to feel like time/ alarm clocks/ a depressingly low level of desire on my H's part does not matter, that when he takes me in his arms I am the sole focus. Glancing frequently at the bedside clock while attempting to get me off as many times as fast as possible so he can fall asleep and not feel guilty about my sexual frustration just sucks. I feel pathetic that I'm reduced to that and that I accept it because of my fear that demanding (or even requesting) more will result in even less intimacy. 

Wow, I had no idea that was bubbling so close to the surface -- sorry for the thread jack. 

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## Palodyne




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## hifromme67

Why is lesbian porn okay? Because it is most men's fantasy? If I caught my husband watching gay men porn, I would be completely disgusted and done. 


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## Affaircare

I don't think we're saying "lesbian porn is okay and gay men porn is not okay," but rather "Just because she watches woman-on-woman porn doesn't mean she's gay or even bi!" 

Look, sex is supposed to be one spouse taking the time and energy to be interested in the sexual pleasure of their partner--and the other spouse putting in similar levels of interest and enthusiasm to the sexual pleasure of their partner. It's not only "Let's get this over with." And thus, if your motivation is self-centered (I'm horny...I want to get myself off) you are coming at it backwards. The whole idea is to share so much of yourself and your thoughts and your feelings with another person, that you want to also physically express how close you feel to them. 

But what you find arousing, stimulating, and sexy differs from person to person. 

My guess is that the OP's spouse is just a softer or more romantic person rather than someone who likes rough sexy, quickies, or a bunch of sucking and spitting. Okay--that's her thing. It doesn't mean she wants to engage sexually OR romantically with other woman. She just sees the gentler "making love" as more her thing that "Hey baby want to screw?"


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## urf

yichud said:


> I caught my wife watching lesbian porn and when I confronted her about it, she said she is 100% straight. I don't get it why would a straight woman want to watch females having sex?
> 
> I mean straight guys don't have any desire to watch gay porn so why do straight women watch lesbian porn?


A woman is born of a woman's body. She suckles at a woman's breast.


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## uhtred

Feeling like your partner is just trying to quickly get the job done is no fun at all. My wife almost always acts like that too - its really sad. 



KaraBoo0723 said:


> This ^^^^^
> 
> I feel like the slow sensuality of girl on girl that seems to be lacking in both hetero porn and most of my (hetero) relationships makes a huge difference in my level of satisfaction and the length of my satiation.
> 
> Yeah, work is exhausting and 5 kids leaves little time for any husband/wife interaction let alone intimacy but I truly long to feel like time/ alarm clocks/ a depressingly low level of desire on my H's part does not matter, that when he takes me in his arms I am the sole focus. Glancing frequently at the bedside clock while attempting to get me off as many times as fast as possible so he can fall asleep and not feel guilty about my sexual frustration just sucks. I feel pathetic that I'm reduced to that and that I accept it because of my fear that demanding (or even requesting) more will result in even less intimacy.
> 
> Wow, I had no idea that was bubbling so close to the surface -- sorry for the thread jack.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## uhtred

*Re: women and lesbian porn*

Tastes vary. There are women who have posted that they really like gay porn, or like the sort of extreme porn you describe. To each their own. 

I think your opinion is probably the more common one. 




Affaircare said:


> GOOD GOD NO!!!!
> 
> Have you ever watched man-on-man gay porn? It's horrible! The music is bad, there's no plot, and it's nothing but pounding.
> 
> Woman-on-woman porn is sexy precisely because it's slower, and warmer, and a little romantic. Even when it's lesbian gay porn (as opposed to a girl who's "exploring" and meets another adventurous girl), the way there is a little bit of a romantic plot, the way women talk and giggle, the way they undress each other, the way they kiss and kiss and kiss...that is sexy to a woman because that's how we get the motor running.
> 
> We don't rip clothes off and then "pound each other with objects obviously too large to fit in that orifice but let's stick it there anyway without any lube." (Shudder) YUCK! That's the opposite of sexy!!


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## She'sStillGotIt

*Re: women and lesbian porn*



yichud said:


> why do straight women watch lesbian porn when straight men dont watch gay porn?
> 
> you would expect for straight women to watch gay porn instead.


Well for one thing, most porn with men in it sucks because it's geared to men. It's ALL about the man - he spends about 8 seconds twisting the woman's breasts like that's some kind of foreplay, then the rest of it is him getting oral sex and then watching him spend the next 20 minutes pounding every orifice the woman owns. 

Crazily enough, a lot of women don't find this arousing.


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## TAMAT

yichud,

There must be some reason why this is bothering you...I think there are a few context questions which are important here.

Was your W sexually active with you or had that died out in your marriage?

If she was sexual with you Was your W orgasmic and/or wet when she was with you?

Did she claim to no longer desire sex before this incident?

Was she actively trying to conceal her viewing, and was she pleasuring herself to it?

Has she cheated on you in the past, or have you cheated on her?

In any event her lying to you is a huge issue by itself. 

Tamat


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## jlg07

yichud said:


> I caught my wife watching lesbian porn and when I confronted her about it, she said she is 100% straight. I don't get it why would a straight woman want to watch females having sex?
> 
> I mean straight guys don't have any desire to watch gay porn so why do straight women watch lesbian porn?


Did you ASK her why she was watching lesbian porn if she is 100% straight? She may just find it sexy. 
There IS such a thing as fantasy. I sometimes watch stuff that I would NEVER want to do in real life..


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## sidney2718

*Re: women and lesbian porn*



yichud said:


> why do straight women watch lesbian porn when straight men dont watch gay porn?
> 
> you would expect for straight women to watch gay porn instead.


Not really. Decent lesbian porn usually shows a long slow build-up followed by intense interactions. It can be really hot. Men like to see that not only because it gives them clues as to what many women like, but because the women seem more involved with each other.

Male-female porn on the other hand seems much more mechanical with everybody bored and the poor guy trying as hard as he can to keep it up.

Just my two cents.


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## hifromme67

Affaircare said:


> I don't think we're saying "lesbian porn is okay and gay men porn is not okay," but rather "Just because she watches woman-on-woman porn doesn't mean she's gay or even bi!"
> 
> 
> 
> Look, sex is supposed to be one spouse taking the time and energy to be interested in the sexual pleasure of their partner--and the other spouse putting in similar levels of interest and enthusiasm to the sexual pleasure of their partner. It's not only "Let's get this over with." And thus, if your motivation is self-centered (I'm horny...I want to get myself off) you are coming at it backwards. The whole idea is to share so much of yourself and your thoughts and your feelings with another person, that you want to also physically express how close you feel to them.
> 
> 
> 
> But what you find arousing, stimulating, and sexy differs from person to person.
> 
> 
> 
> My guess is that the OP's spouse is just a softer or more romantic person rather than someone who likes rough sexy, quickies, or a bunch of sucking and spitting. Okay--that's her thing. It doesn't mean she wants to engage sexually OR romantically with other woman. She just sees the gentler "making love" as more her thing that "Hey baby want to screw?"




I understand that we are all different and what I like, my spouse may not like. For me I guess because I am against homosexuality, I can't stand the though of watching lesbian porn (or any porn at all) or having husband watch gay porn. Any kind of porn is disgusting but those are my beliefs.


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## EleGirl

By the way, you are being trolled.


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## TX-SC

EleGirl said:


> By the way, you are being trolled.


 You're taking all of my fun away! 

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