# i just want to be the way we were!



## mrscifarelli (Apr 23, 2009)

It is a long story but I will try to keep it as short as possible. 
My husband & i have been married for almost 3 years but have been friends for 15. We have the most AMAZING kind of love. We are best friends, lovers, parents, etc... We have always been very happy. We never, and I mean NEVER fight, except when we have been drinking too much. He tells me every day how beautiful I am, How I am the sexiest woman in the world, He loves me, he leaves me little love notes. Some days I wake up and I am surrounded by flowers and breakfast or poems all the way down stairs. Just so you understand, he has always made me feel like the queen or goddess of his universe. 
We just moved across the country from california to WAY out in long island, NY and left behind all of our friends and all the we knew. We sold our company there and bought a new one that makes 4 times as much money out here with his brother. We came here to be closer to his family and make more money to be able to better care fore us and our 3 boys.
Every thing started to change about 2 weeks ago. My husband went out for a while with his brothers. I love them very much but one of them I do NOT respect at all because he cheats on his wife DAILY!!!! I mean it is REALLY bad. Everyone knows but her. Any way as you would probably assume because of the way my husband has always treated me I have NEVER even thought of not trusting him but I did have some reservations about the brother getting him drunk and into trouble. WELL, that is exactly what happened. My dumb ass husband did not lock his phone so it called me at home from his pocket and I listened for a while because I heard girls with them and they were supposed to just be at the other brothers house with "JUST THE GUYS". My husband was saying some inappropriate dirty things to this girl. It really shocked me most of all because of how he always treats me and this girl was retched looking, she looked lie a horse! I left town to my dads, he came after me begging, I am home now, and we have been trying to get through this. I understand the pressure from his big brothers who were picking on him because he was being shy with the girls at first (out of respect for our marriage and our love), and all the alcohol. I mean can any of us REALLY guarantee that we would not do that if we were that drunk? Anyways, it was just talk but hearing my husband say those sexy things to another woman just destroyed me beyond belief. I have never felt that kind of pain, EVER!!!! I have lost all my trust in him, not in the way that I need to know where he is or that I think he is cheating but in the way that I do not trust all of the wonderful things he says to me. I feel like the tables have turned and I feel sooo insecure in our relationship. I hate feeling like this. I always felt like we had something special. I always felt so loved and respected. Now I just feel alone, un loved, un respected and like I have done some thing wrong to cause this. Ever since I came home I have been trying to get over all that happened and trying to work things out. I want to forgive him and trust him again. I have been doing all I can to make sure I am not doing anything to make him stray. I spend all day getting the house in order,make dinner ready when he gets home, send him sexy, dirty texts while he is at work in detail of what I am thinking of doing with him when he gets home, just trying to do what I should do to KEEP HIM SATISFIED!!! I have tried talking to him and he listens very well but I feel all I am hearing from him is "I'm sorry, I am in so much pain to see you hurting and I caused it, I am sooo sorry." I know it is never good to expect anything from any one but gosh, he set the bar really high for himself.
OH, by the way, even though some of you may not understand. I was in the middle of a miscarriage while this all happened.

My questions to all you is, I am I trying to hard? Shouldn't he be kissing my feet and begging? Did I forgive to easy? I am I being to insecure about everything? I thought we were perfect before. Why do I feel like I should start "PLAYING THE GAME" with my husband, my bet friend? I want to go back to the way we were! I don't want to play distant to get his attention but is that what I should do? PLEASE, do not hold back! Give me your opinion about the situation. What can I do to get him to give me his all again? why is he being this way? He says every thing is still perfect and he is as happy as ever. He says I did nothing wrong and he does not even remember what happened because he was drunk. He is heart broken over putting me through sooo much pain. I mean he was like price charming before. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? I am moving on and trying my best and it has only been 2 weeks. If I can get past this then what the hell is going on with him?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

mrscifarelli said:


> It is a long story but I will try to keep it as short as possible.
> My husband & i have been married for almost 3 years but have been friends for 15. We have the most AMAZING kind of love. We are best friends, lovers, parents, etc... We have always been very happy. We never, and I mean NEVER fight, except when we have been drinking too much.



i got this far in your post before i said "reply to this post!"

alcohol ruins marriages. i'm sorry...alcohol ABUSE ruins marriages. i have made a choice to abstain permanently to try to save my marriage.

it's only one step, but a huge one.

good luck. consider giving up alcohol for good. please


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

im sorry for what you're going through. i can identify with a lot of the pain you felt. it is hard to go through when the one you loved and trusted just drops you. i dont know if you made the right decision in forgiving him, but you will always make the right decision by trying to work through it. that's all you can do. there's no manual out there that will tell you the steps you have to take. you just have to live it, learn from it, and move to the next phase of your life.


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