# why does he have to be so mean?



## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

i have really tried to maintain a civil/some what friendship with my stbxh. He is always mean to me. He will be nice at first then he starts being mean to me by the end of the conversation. He sometimes acts jealous when i say ive been busy and not telling him what ive been busy doing, then if i call him out on it he says he doesnt care what i do and will make comments about how he has been busy, etc. Then he acts annoyed with me and says im "blowing up his phone" when i have barely even been calling him. (yesterday i did call a few times trying to tell him about our son being highly allergic to some metals.). He made a comment to me today about my missed calls from yesterday. I told him i called to tell him about our son and the medication he got. Well he says "i dont know why you called me about it. Whats calling me about it going to do?"

I do not understand why he always is so mean to me, even when i havent done anything. I try to be nice and it ends up blowing up in my face. Should i give up on the hopes of being some what friend/civil. Why is he mad? He left me!


He also is constantly telling me what he cant stand about me and will follow it by "thats why im not with you". Its really annoying. I try to wipe the slate clean and i cant because he keeps bringing up the past even when we are "getting a long"


----------



## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I find the same deal with my WW. I don't understand but can simpathize (sp). Don't let it get to you. It doesn't really matter what he feels. Let him be mad, who cares.

Maybe 180 applies? I'm not the best at that though.

Good luck.


----------



## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

He's projecting his anger & frustration onto you. The situation is much easier to deal with when you have someone else to blame.

When we point a finger at someone there are 3 pointing back at ourselves.

You can't reason with him, so don't try. He wants an argument, it will make you even more of a baddie. 
When I get the rant, I shut him down. I say stuff like, I'm not having this conversation with you. I'll come back to you when you can have calmed down & we can talk properly... And just leave it there.. The other one that works I'd to thank them for the insult.. My STBXH has no idea what to say to that. Stops him right in his tracks & the look on his face makes me chuckle )

Best of luck x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

mom i went thru the exact same thing with my ex, basically did 180- no talk except kid/business. honestly though it did not get better until my ex broke it off with the ow. but 180 was the best defense
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

Whenever my STBXH starts whipping out the passive aggressive BS, I just stare at him for an uncomfortable length of time with no expression on my face. Then I shake my head and walk away.

You can't reason with them, you can't make them feel bad, so just shake your head and walk away because they are miserable human beings and soon, you won't have to deal with them as much.


----------



## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

thanks everyone. im really thinking of going 180. it is hard though because i dont work right now and dont get a break from the kids so i am pretty lonely. I think thats the only reason i have tried to remain friends because i am lonely.


----------



## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

momtoboys said:


> thanks everyone. im really thinking of going 180. it is hard though because i dont work right now and dont get a break from the kids so i am pretty lonely. I think thats the only reason i have tried to remain friends because i am lonely.


I'm glad you know why you are contacting him...you need a support system! Do you have family around? Can you set up playdates or anything to help you meet some new friends? In my town there is a meetups for separated and divorcing folks with events for families. I'm sure everyone can chime in and suggest other ways to help you bring new people into your life....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

StartingOver is right.

My stbxw does this exact same thing to me and I'm 100% confident that it is her projecting her guilt onto me. She says exactly what he is saying to you, "that's why we're not together." They are convincing themselves that they did the right thing. That they are not total $hitbags for what they have done.

Don't buy into it. You'll hear it but don't ever let yourself believe there is any truth to it.


----------

