# How can I tell the E in EA is gone



## moeman (Aug 12, 2010)

Hello all,

If I know that there isn't any contact with the OM, how can I tell if my W's emotion towards the OM has faded? How long does it take?

Thanks,
M.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

It depends on how well and how often you please her, in bed. There's lots of sexual fantasy in a EA. Be playful and unpredictable in bed! Compliments for your wife are never too many. The more she falls back in love with you, the faster her E in the EA fades.
Why do I know? I had an EA for 4 years. I can honestly tell you it's not gonna fade away that easily if you don't acquire new skills in bed and provide loving support out of bed. Even though I don't want to think about my EA anymore, but he would show up in my dreams, for example it just happened this morning I woke up with my EA in the dream. The stronger my husband's love and passion give to me, the better I'm able to resist the thoughts for my EA. Hope it helps!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

BTW, some people take EA as a cheating behavior as a theif stealing. For them, EA is a crime in the marriage. 

Some people who have EA, might not agree with you that EA is a cheating and they might not feel guilty or regretful as you expected.

EA is literally not cheating but a form of stress relief. 

When you watch pron, you're having an EA literally because you would jerk off watching other naked women, wouldn't you? Were you cheating on your wife? Not really, right? You just need a different relief and you don't really think it necessary to report your musterbation on the pron to your wife. 

EA is a channel for a spouse to release their pressure and unsatisfactory in their daily life. For many people, they don't think EA is cheating as well as for many people, they don't think musterbations fantasizing other naked women/men are cheating.

Therefore, it depends how you view EA and how your wife views her EA. If she said nothing bad happened, you should trust her. Otherwise she would have gone for a PA, which is much easier and faster if she really wanted to cheat on you.


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## Almostthere (Oct 31, 2010)

I think it prob varies from person to person.I think any affair is like being in a fantasy and the reality of the situation will hit her sooner or later. When she starts taking an interest in your marriage again is a pretty good sign, also when she starts showing some level of remorse (beware she may not ever fully acknowledge the impact of her EA due to the fact it wasnt physical) but she will acknowledge that what she did was not only wrong but pretty silly too. Found an interesting website that you may find useful Emotional Affair Journey seems to have some good articles and so forth.
Take care.


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## moeman (Aug 12, 2010)

Almostthere said:


> ... also when she starts showing some level of remorse (beware she may not ever fully acknowledge the impact of her EA due to the fact it wasnt physical) but she will acknowledge that what she did was not only wrong but pretty silly too. ...
> Take care.


How can I tell if she's remorseful? It seems to me that her only remorse is that I found out, not that she has done anything wrong.

Thanks for the website. It seems like we all agree the all contact with OM shall be stopped. But in my case it's not possible. The OM is my W's father employee. She will be seeing him almost every day while at her father's.

M.


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## bestplayer (Jan 23, 2010)

moeman said:


> How can I tell if she's remorseful? It seems to me that her only remorse is that I found out, not that she has done anything wrong.
> 
> Thanks for the website. It seems like we all agree the all contact with OM shall be stopped. But in my case it's not possible. The OM is my W's father employee. She will be seeing him almost every day while at her father's.
> 
> M.


 "...How can I tell if she's remorseful ? 

you would know when she tells you , if she doesn't tell you & you dont see that either , she isn't remorseful .


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

as long as she 'doesn't need time apart' you are OK.:smthumbup:


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## Almostthere (Oct 31, 2010)

It sounds like maybe she is not ready to admit to herself the impact of what she has done yet, therefore not feeling remorse. I think this is something you cant force she needs to come to the realization herself. I knew my H was remorseful because he did apologize he asked for forgiveness but most of all he seemed truly embarrased by his own actions. He seemed to understand that his thoughts and feelings for this woman were unrealistic and inappropriate. This was something I knew all along but me telling him that did not help he needed to see it himself.One thing that helped my H open his eyes is when he realized that I wasnt waiting for him anymore, I would stay with him if he treated me with love and respect, but I had anough self respect to leave if I needed too
In regards to having contact, I really feel for you, even if she does snap out of the situation, knowing she sees him daily will make things harder for you. As cliche as it sounds the best thing you can do right now is focus on you. Do things to help you feel good about you.


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