# Is it time to face the facts and move on?



## hangininthere (May 7, 2014)

I am in a difficult situation and am considering divorce. I will try to sum up the problems and keep this as short as possible.

My H has been a drug addict (on and off) for most of our marriage. We have been married over 20 years. We have suffered major financial problems and he is very emotionally abusive. I finally walked away from the marriage at one time and we were apart for a couple of months. During that time, I started seeing another man. I know I was pretty quick to move on, but for me the marriage was over years ago. I only stayed as long as I did for 2 reasons, 1. my kids, 2. he threatened suicide if I left.
I understand that is no excuse for what I did, and I do take responsibility for my wrong doing.

We got back together after he stopped the drug use (again). It has been over 2 years since all of this, and he is back on drugs. He says he started using again because he cannot get past my affair. He constantly reminds me of it and the pain I caused him. He threatens to beat this guy up (to put it nicely). This is almost all I get from him anymore. I dont think he will ever be able to move past it or stop using drugs. I understand it is painful, but this is no way to live. 

I dont want to hurt him any more but I am very unhappy. Do I just face the fact that our marriage is over and move on with my life? Am I being selfish? Will he ever change?

I also should mention that he has been texting, emailing (flirting) other women. Of course he always has an excuse for it. As far as I know he has not had an actual affair, but then again maybe I just havent caught him. There is absolutely no trust in this marriage on either side.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Based on what you said, it sounds like it is already over.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I'm pro-marriage. Hell, I've been working at this one for a little over 30 years now. And yeah, what you did was wrong, yadda yadda, but I can't even bring myself to get even slightly worked up about it under the circumstances. It was just one instance of disfunction in a marriage apparently full of disfunction.

The obvious question would be: why would you want this marriage to survive?

For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I hope there were a few good moments over the years as well.


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## greenapple (Apr 21, 2014)

do yourself a favor and move on....


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

Yep stick a fork in this one too. Threatening suicide is emotional blackmail, if he can't deal, he needs to see a counselor, or call the cops if he threatens again. But yeah, addicts never change. This will only get worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Counterfit (Feb 2, 2014)

"Do I just face the fact that our marriage is over and move on with my life?"
Yes. You can accept that basic truth now and move on with your life or accept that truth in the future after more time of your life has been wasted.......but sooner or later you will accept that truth.

"Am I being selfish?"
No. Your escape from this horrific marriage is an act of self preservation; not an act of selfishness.

"Will he ever change?"
No. Your hopefully "soon to be ex-husband" is a highly manipulative drug addict and a born loser.


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## hangininthere (May 7, 2014)

Highly manipulative is right, and I realize that. He will promise to change and at times I believe he is really trying to. During those times, he is really sweet and loving and I feel like I am getting back the man I married. It's those times that make me weak and cause me to think I would be wrong for leaving when he is trying to make this change. I feel sorry for him, I can't help it, I just do. How do I break free from this because this has been going on for a long time and deep down I know he is not going to change, at least not permanently.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

hangininthere said:


> How do I break free from this because this has been going on for a long time and deep down I know he is not going to change, at least not permanently.


You left once, you can do it again. But this time, STAY GONE. You are married to the type of addict that will never stop using. 

And don't feel guilty for wanting to move on.


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