# Sticky situation..........



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Hey everyone its me the annoying sunflower! lol Ok so I have a hate issue with me myself and I! need a little help and someone who is real! 

So I am sure that you all know my story! well I am in a very VERY hard spot ok so of course everyone well the three of them (husband, and COUPLE) knew about the situation for a year until I was informed. So they all moved on remained friends. Well so this weekend all of our friends and family went camping we didnt go we stayed home but the other couple went the one we got into all or stupid situations with. And I guess everyone got along well things were nice no drama everyone had a great time. SO what do I do would you mend it and be civil or would you stay away completly? HELP ME. I am so lost my H said its up to me to decide but I dont know what to do.


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

Hard to understand your post.....is the question would you go with your friends (one was the person your H had an A with)? If that is the case, I would say absolutely NOT. Cut all ties going forward, reguardless.
Anytime you are around that person, you will feel something (could be ashamed, anger, jealosy, etc).
It will be bad all around. If he show her any attention - how will you fell. If he gets a little too drunk,.....all of these are bad situtations by themselves. Factor in the OW and it is REAL bad.
Just my opionion.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I personally would have to stay away from the couple indefinitely. If you want any peace with your life you're going to have to stop being reminded of it all.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya well how do I do that when they hang out with my H family there is no escaping them plus they live 12 houses down from us. UGHHHHH


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Avoid them as much as possible, you won't be able to avoid them 100%, no doubt about it, but never go out of your way to be around them.

Don't visit them, don't go to their myspace or facebook pages, try to avoid places you know they will be, etc.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

sunny...

I am going to say something , and I hope it does not hurt your feelings, because you seem like such a genuine, sweet gal.

But, from reading your posts over the last few months... I get the impression that you almost Crave the drama, in your life, and you're seeking out these situations, so that you can have something else to panic about.

Please dont' get me wrong! You had every right to be upset, about your husband's indiscretions (I'm using a nice word there) and I would have trust issues too.

But, if it truly has not happened again, why do you continue to torture yourself by obsessing and thinking about it 24/7....???

I do wonder, what you would do , if everything was okay, normal, no kissing episode, no drama....

Would you be happy? Ask yourself what you truly want. Do you want to be happy with your husband? If the answer is yes, then you simply will never be happy, while you are still pondering, and thinking, and wondering, and obsessing, and panicking....

You seem to thrive on the drama that is your life. I think somehwere deep inside, you want it this way. I don't think you know how to control your brains desire for drama, and so you give in, and it controls your life.

You've either got to forgive him, and move on, or find your own way, so that this doesn't continue to hurt you. but, moving on, won't do you any good, if you can't get over the way your mind and heart, thrive on the drama, or crisis.

I would Not hang out with these people... I would tell hubby, under No circumstances will they be a part of our lives anymore....

I would move if it's possible... and if it is not, then there is nothing that says you must socialize with them. From the sound of it, it's almost like you Want to be around them,,, to see if any drama will occur.... almost like a jerry springer episode...

If you have kids, imagine what this is doing to them. For your own sake, and any children you have. Please stop thriving on the drama, and learn to set, and achieve goals... the first of which needs to be, letting go of the past....

I wish you luck sweetie...


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## globalflex (Apr 14, 2009)

OK, I don't know how people are going to react to this, but here are my thoughts.

1. Have you looked at your part in this problem. You have to have some part be it major or minor or it would not be your problem.

2. Figure out your part in the problem and where YOU have been wrong.

3. Apologize for any behavior that you have had that contributed to this mess.

4. Remember it is not about them! You need to make this about you and your part in it. Resolve your part with others.

5. After doing this it should help you to have the clarity of weather you want to choose to live like this. If so forgive all involved and move on.

If you do not want the drama and these type of people in your life move on. Do you want this behavior in childrens life?

Get accountable for your actions and your part and you can make decisions. Continuing on this path is not healthy.

Ken


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

revitalizedhusband said:


> Avoid them as much as possible, you won't be able to avoid them 100%, no doubt about it, but never go out of your way to be around them.
> 
> Don't visit them, don't go to their myspace or facebook pages, try to avoid places you know they will be, etc.


Ya we have been avoiding them I think that it will be harder now that summer time is here. you know just with family BBQ's and everything it just sucks that we have to give up our lives cause they wont go away.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

marina72 said:


> sunny...
> 
> I am going to say something , and I hope it does not hurt your feelings, because you seem like such a genuine, sweet gal.
> 
> ...



Thank you though I know you arent trying to be mean and I understand I can be annoying on here sometimes I just need to breath and gather my thoughts you know and just thanks god for all I have in my life and say screw you to the people who think me or my husband are stupid and to the ex friend telling people that he wanted her well thats BS right.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

globalflex said:


> OK, I don't know how people are going to react to this, but here are my thoughts.
> 
> 1. Have you looked at your part in this problem. You have to have some part be it major or minor or it would not be your problem.
> 
> ...


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## Tim (Mar 24, 2009)

Hey sunflower. I think you are very nice and we've had good emails back and forth but I have to agree with Marina.

Also, there are a lot of red flags in your responses to Marina's post...you really need to see a counselor because I can see you spinning out of control and not only will you suffer but so will your children....

please, go to a counselor, I think I've mentioned this a few times to you already.

Start with the part where you said you need the drama to feel again. Please...
When you act out of emptiness and lonliness, it is very dangerous and I suspect thats where all these circular posts are coming from and it can even be why you played strip poker....and its why you want the drama...


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

You guys really think that I need couseling Ughhh REALLY I dont know. I just dont know? I mean Ya I think that I am having a hard time but more because of what I lost and what I am focusing on I just think I need to redirect my focus you know.


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## Tim (Mar 24, 2009)

...counseling, both of you.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

WE did though and things were going great I mean I love him to death I do and things are good BUT its me leaving my pride and issues at the door! I dont know why I hold on and put myself in that I guess I just think he wanted her


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## Tim (Mar 24, 2009)

well then you need to explore those issues with a professional that knows his/her way around them more than you do...they will provide guidance and help you discover the source of your behavior.

For example, I'm a codependent because I was raised by my mother, and I watched her work herself into the ground. I grew up hearing things like "You know what happens if I decide to get sick? We'll be living under a bridge!" I watched my mother put us kids first and I took on that behavior.

I grew up in fear. I had a little brother and I felt the need to protect him and watch for him like my mother did for all of us. I have now a nurturing complex.
I put myself second...always...and its only now that I'm starting to do the opposite and it feels freeing yet very scary....

anyways, enough about me. Thats just an example of what I got out of counseling. You need to bring up those core issues about yourself. Also talk about how you react to things, especially talk about your feelings and how you react to your feelings.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya thats hard. Hmmm.. See I think I have nothing to complain about cause I had a good child hood and you here all these other people and your like shut up Kim you had nothing compaired. So thats why I shouldnt bother them with my pitty problems I would rather work them out me myself and I! I will be ok I just think my issue is my insecurities I think that I dont believe in myself or think that I am good enouph. And well I think that when this happend it brought that out and made me feel like that was all true that I am not good enouph you know. That he wanted someone or something other then me.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Hi Sun,

Ok let me start out by saying I totally disagree with Marina. Sorry Marina your post was very genuine and it wasn't a bash but I have a different opinion. ok, back to you Sun. I don't think you crave the drama. I think you gravitate to it because you can't get it out of your head. You are hurting, you don't understand what he did or why and its like this other woman is a magnet. I know because I am the same way. The OW had lived 3 doors down, she moved. Hurray! I am genuinely thrilled and it likely saved our marriage, so why do I obsess and pull her up on MySpace to see if she's changed her photos? It sickens me that I do that...I also conjure up in my head what it must have been like for them to be together. 

So thinking I am crazy I have been reading and some very helpful books have told me I am not insane but because I have had a total loss of control and my life has come crashing down its a way for me to get my life and my emotions back in control. Its healthy to a point unless you go overboard. 

So here is what you need to do. Cut all ties with this OW. Your hubby must agree to do it as well. If not, kick his butt out. I know you might see her from time to time but ignore her! If you have mutual friends, get new friends. If she's friends with your family don't invite her. In fact if she wants to be a good person, ask her to stay away. No contact. Forgiving your husband and her doesn't mean you need to be friends again. That will only hurt your marriage. 

Tell your husband that being around her hurts you, does he still think its a good idea? (if so, smack him in the head cause he's dense just kidding...trying to lighten up having a very very bad night tonight...)

Anyway, no contact with her. Keep her away from you and your husband its the only way to get it off your mind.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Better watch out AZMO, disagreeing with some people's opinions can cause them to backlash.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

AZMOMOFTWO said:


> Hi Sun,
> 
> Ok let me start out by saying I totally disagree with Marina. Sorry Marina your post was very genuine and it wasn't a bash but I have a different opinion. ok, back to you Sun. I don't think you crave the drama. I think you gravitate to it because you can't get it out of your head. You are hurting, you don't understand what he did or why and its like this other woman is a magnet. I know because I am the same way. The OW had lived 3 doors down, she moved. Hurray! I am genuinely thrilled and it likely saved our marriage, so why do I obsess and pull her up on MySpace to see if she's changed her photos? It sickens me that I do that...I also conjure up in my head what it must have been like for them to be together.
> 
> ...





Ya somedays I am like OK I think that I am really losing my mind but then others I am like NO I AM NOT I have serious reasons to be mad right now! But ya its fine I have to swollow the pill pride and if I see them then I be good but I do understand its time to start pushing forward everyone else has its just those moments when you start thinking back to that time what you were doing what he was doing looking for signs that he still loved you. Like last night laying in bed was a hard one cause I started thinking that night he kissed her he came to bed and had sex with me when I said why would you do that if you were sooooo thrown off and sick by it. He said I still loved you and love you. I dont know then being a women I start thinking BS he was turned on by her. So I mean I think that you can move on its just those flash thoughts that come into your head that you have to control. THANK YOU!!!


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

revitalizedhusband said:


> Better watch out AZMO, disagreeing with some people's opinions can cause them to backlash.


Your so funny! I dont mind really! I like to debat anyways!!!!


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

sunflower said:


> You guys really think that I need couseling Ughhh REALLY I dont know. I just dont know? I mean Ya I think that I am having a hard time but more because of what I lost and what I am focusing on I just think I need to redirect my focus you know.


Yes I really think you need counseling. You have said several times that you hate that you are acting and thinking the way you are. How can you be happy with someone else if you can't be happy with yourself?


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya I know I really need to start loving myself its just hard when you live your life for someone else you know. My kids husband friends I dont know? But I do know that you are right.


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