# Does your spouse lie about Masturbating



## Zach's daddy

So last night I was awakened to my wife masturbating beside me.I had to be up early for work and I was half asleep. So half asleep I said "What are you doing?" Not mean or anything. Well rather than say anything she closed her eyes as if she were sleeping. So of course I just closed my eyes and went back to sleep. This morning as we're driving to work she says, "I am so tired today." So me looking to make her laugh as I always do. I said "That finger must have worn you out last night" She looks me in the face and says "I was not masturbating last night." I'm thinking I saw you i know you were. So I said to her that it's not a big deal everyone does it it's perfectly normal. So my question is, Does your spouse lie about masturbating?


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## Married but Happy

No. And she'll usually wake me to participate in the finale.


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## Zach's daddy

The masturbating part isn't a big deal for me. I'm more concerned as to why she felt the need to lie about it. And I would have loved to participate in it.


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## Married but Happy

Many people lie about it. Many people are conditioned when young to think masturbation is bad, so feel ashamed to admit they do. There may also be evolutionary reasons to hide masturbation, but I think by far it's the social conditioning issue.


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## Rowan

You put your wife on the spot and embarrassed her. Many people will lie about all sorts of things in those conditions. Ever ask a kid who broke the vase that's in shards on the floor next to their favorite Nerf football? It takes a very mature, confident, comfortable person to admit to something they consider embarrassing, particularly if they're ambushed with mention of it. Her lying about it is the result of human nature colliding with social conditioning.


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## Zach's daddy

You're probably right. It wasn't my intention. She probably thinks i'm an *******.


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## chillymorn

yes


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## Chris Taylor

My wife told me she doesn't masturbate but I've seen the vibrator change places plenty of times.

She was taken back when I told her that I masturbated. She asked me why and I told her that unless she wanted to match my libido then I'll just take care of things myself. I wasn't embarrassed to tell her. My reasons in the past not to was because I didn't want her to think masturbation was an acceptable alternative to a fulfilling, intimate sexual relationship.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening
my wive has always claimed that she doesn't, even though the toys are sometimes moved. No idea why she won't say.


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## Marduk

Let it go.

She has a right to her "secret garden" as long as it doesn't impact your marriage (i.e. she'd rather rub one out than have sex with you.)

Personally, I encourage it. But she doesn't have to share it with me or admit it if she doesn't want to.


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## badsanta

Odds are she could have just been dreaming and when you asked what she was doing it woke her out of her dream enough to relax and drift right back to sleep.

OR, and this is a possibility, she could have been just struggling to hold in a fart as to not blast you out of the bed as I often do with my wife!


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## EnigmaGirl

I don't lie. I usually announce it with a bullhorn so I can recruit his assistance.

His wrists are stronger than mine and I'm trying to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome though.


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## Fozzy

My wife says she does not do it, and I believe her. I wish she was lying, but nope she's telling the truth.


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## Zach's daddy

marduk said:


> Let it go.
> 
> She has a right to her "secret garden" as long as it doesn't impact your marriage (i.e. she'd rather rub one out than have sex with you.)
> 
> Personally, I encourage it. But she doesn't have to share it with me or admit it if she doesn't want to.


You're absolutely right and I have.:iagree:


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## melw74

Nope. I know my husband masturbates, and he knows i do too.

I cant really understand why anyone has to lie about it. Its such a normal thing to do... Most men and women do it.

The only reason i can see why some people may lie about it is if they know their going to be made to feel ashamed about it, and seeing as you do not seem to have a problem with it i cant understand it really.

Maybe its because you asked her?. Why did you ask her if you knew what she was doing?... Hell maybe you could have tried to help.


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## GavinM

I wouldn’t say that she outright lies about masturbating but I would say that she plays it down and tries to deemphasize how often and what toys that she uses. I’ve always known that she masturbates and she has never denied this. However I also know she masturbates a lot more frequently than she lets on and she seemingly always use this one, very large toy which she has claimed to have ‘only used once’. I know where she keeps her toys so I can tell how regularly it gets used. 
I don’t mind that she masturbates, I do it as well of course, but obviously I’d rather have her wanting to have sex with me. Also while she will admit to masturbating occasionally she wont do it with me or in front of me. Id love her to do this and have asked many times but she simply says that she’s just not into this and that this would ruin it for her. So I don’t push her on this anymore. 
By way of background I would say our sex life is only ok. Ive always been a bit insecure sexually including about penis size and she knows this. She’s very sensitive about my insecurities and does a lot to make me as confident as possible. I believe her when she says she just doesn’t or wouldn’t enjoy masturbating in front of someone but I also think a big part of her not wanting to with me is that she doesn’t want me to know about her use of the toy. I know she has always downplayed any preference for a larger partner so having to admit to masturbating as much as she does and with this toy certainly would fly in the face of everything that she has tried to tell me. I don’t believe that she is being deceptive here so much as protecting my feelings (and her privacy) so I have never really pushed her on this.


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## SimplyAmorous

Me & mine never talked about the *M word*, or asked questions until 6 yrs ago..when I opened up the subject...this is after we had all our kids, married 19 yrs..rather a late start ... 

I did masturbate sometimes in the middle of the night... and learned HE NEVER DID while we were married (except 1 time -to get the timing right -lowering his sperm count in an attempt to conceive a Girl, he whacked it in the am -knowing we were ON for that night, a co-worker told him to do this...It worked too!)

But he always waited for me... I told him that's [email protected]#$... he had to lying to me!.. He swore it was true.... here he thought I never did (we were both surprised!)..... The sorry thing was.. he had the higher sex drive all those yrs.... in these moments, we realized just how badly we missed each other ...

I *always* WANTED to wake him up but he used to complain I kept him up too late..(I always had a lot of energy)... so I felt I should leave him alone.. Half the time I woke him up.. half the time I didn't ..... 

He had a funny comment about this one day.. learning I felt I shouldn't wake him up.. he said "Hell, that's important, that's like telling me the house was on fire!"..... Well darn, I said .. "well why the heck didn't you make a bigger WOW about it then!!"..... (he was always a very quiet lover)... 

It's not like he ever rejected me... he was UP for it every time.. but still.....I was just trying to think about his need for sleep...just our blunders with this rather taboo subject...our timings were off.. I would get horny in the wee hrs of the night ...he would be raring to go in the am... oh well.. live & learn. 

Now we both wait for each other.. and we're very Open about all things sexual.. nothing is taboo.


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## PhillyGuy13

Wives that take care of your own business- why not wake hubby up to have the sex? I'd be pretty P.O.ed if I woke up to my wife masterbating. Which has never happened- I wake up at the drop of a pin. But if you are horny --WAKE ME UP!!

But is it a lack of desire on his part? I know there are low T guys out there. Barring the flu, I can't imagine not being ready and willing, day or night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FizzBomb

PhillyGuy13 said:


> But if you are horny --WAKE ME UP!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup: I usually find some way or another to wake him up.  I'd rather have sex with him than masturbate.


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## PhillyGuy13

I have no problem with masterbation as long as the partner's needs are also being met. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Wives that take care of your own business- why not wake hubby up to have the sex? I'd be pretty P.O.ed if I woke up to my wife masterbating. Which has never happened- I wake up at the drop of a pin. But if you are horny --WAKE ME UP!!
> 
> But is it a lack of desire on his part? I know there are low T guys out there. Barring the flu, I can't imagine not being ready and willing, day or night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because they don't want all the fuss that goes along with sex?

I think it's pretty normal and common to just want to get off without everything else. Nothing wrong with it, including with your partner next to you. Hell, if you wake up to your wife (or husband) masturbating, then masturbate along with them. Intertwine your legs and go to town. We do this sometimes, and it's fun.

Obviously if you're having little or no sex in the marriage, then that's not cool, but that's a whole 'nother thread.


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## askari

I masturbate...because if I didn't my balls would explode!

Don't know (and don't care) if my wife does or if she knows that I do.

She has never been interested in my sexual needs so I have no option but to.


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## youkiddingme

I love the thought of my wife doing it. She has needs and desires and I love and want her to feel free enough to meet them. All that I desire is that she tell me about it! I cherish the thought. I love it that she feels the freedom. It is normal. It is healthy....and I love it.


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## askari

One GF I had (pre marriage) was quite open about it. Sometimes we would let each other watch....it was very intimate and 'bonding' as masturbating is generally a very private affair.....letting your partner watch you do something very personal...well, lets just say I'm glad I have a good memory!


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## Recoveringws

Its absurd and ridiculous to have to lie about masturbation. Sheesh. It's a normal adult activity. What's WORSE is that there apparently some women out there that more than resent it -- they consider it "cheating" for some reason. Which is not only bizarre, but stems from their own insecurities and a basic understanding of male sexuality.

Sometimes people - men or women -- just want the "O". Its preferable to sex sometimes. It's a simple, uncomplicated release. There's no fanfare. No foreplay. No cuddling after. No worrying about your partner's orgasm. It's just simply a release. Which is normal. Especially for men.

You're married. it's normal. Don't lie about it. You don't have to broadcast it, but why lie? Why make someone feel bad for doing it? Stupid.

I read a study a while back that talked about the differences in female and male sexuality, which are substantial. One was masturbation. It stated that 20% of adult women have never masturbated even ONCE. Which is startling. one out of 5? The percentage for men was something like 5%. Study after study concludes men have stronger sex drives. they think about it more. They want it more. And yeah they masturbate more because of it. It's our biology.


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## arbitrator

* IMHO, there is nothing even remotely shameful about the practice of masturbation within the confines of a loving marriage, so long as it's usage doesn't, in any way, overtly attempt to replace normal sexual relations between the marital partners on either a permanent or a semi-permanent basis!*


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## claireont

My husband and I absolutely don’t hide the fact that we masturbate. I’m always been very open about letting him know that I do (although I don’t necessarily highlight the frequency – I masturbate a lot!). Also, for as good as we are about communicating about it Im pretty private about actually doing it. I’ve never been comfortable masturbating in front any of my partners. Im not really sure why as Im happy to admit I do it I just don’t like to with someone else and I find it ruins it for me the handful of times ive tired. 

My husband doesn’t feel this way and he’ll regularly masturbate while I ‘help’ him along. But even then he will get embarrassed if I unexpectedly walk in on him. So I can understand why your wife felt that way. Having said that if Im going to masturbate and was going to be embarrassed if I got caught by my spouse id likely do it somewhere other than lying in bed next to them.


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## brownmale

No, she doesn't. She tells me she masturbates occasionally. She also knows that I'm often masturbating when she can't give me the sex I need (being LD herself). Sometimes if I cannot climax before her (that's the only way to ensure she cums), she will help me or pass on the oil or cater to some of my other fetish so that I can pleasure myself.

My only regret is she won't masturbate in front of me, or give me the pleasure of watching her. Not sure whether she doesn't know what a turn on this is for a man, or whether she's simply too shy doing this....

Am grateful for her totally non-judgemental attitude towards this activity.



Zach's daddy said:


> So last night I was awakened to my wife masturbating beside me.I had to be up early for work and I was half asleep. So half asleep I said "What are you doing?" Not mean or anything. Well rather than say anything she closed her eyes as if she were sleeping. So of course I just closed my eyes and went back to sleep. This morning as we're driving to work she says, "I am so tired today." So me looking to make her laugh as I always do. I said "That finger must have worn you out last night" She looks me in the face and says "I was not masturbating last night." I'm thinking I saw you i know you were. So I said to her that it's not a big deal everyone does it it's perfectly normal. So my question is, Does your spouse lie about masturbating?


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## brownmale

EnigmaGirl said:


> I don't lie. I usually announce it with a bullhorn so I can recruit his assistance.
> 
> His wrists are stronger than mine and I'm trying to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome though.


Hey, your vagina is not a keyboard! You won't get CTS massaging your clit (or whatever)....

But on the other hand, in games like this company always adds to the fun!


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## brownmale

The other thing is -- if your partner is giving you enough and more sex, then the implication is that you don't need to be masturbating. It also points to some 'inefficiency' in the relationship, it might seem.

In the early days of our relationship, my wife would want the sex more than me. At that stage, there was no question of even thinking of masturbating!

It restarted (after my beachelor days) when our first kid came along. It was a difficult pregnancy, and we had waited quite a bit. So she was overcautious and avoided sex... till she wanted the waterbag to burst. There was no way I could have stayed off sex for the better part of nine months....



melw74 said:


> Nope. I know my husband masturbates, and he knows i do too.
> 
> I cant really understand why anyone has to lie about it. Its such a normal thing to do... Most men and women do it.
> 
> The only reason i can see why some people may lie about it is if they know their going to be made to feel ashamed about it, and seeing as you do not seem to have a problem with it i cant understand it really.
> 
> Maybe its because you asked her?. Why did you ask her if you knew what she was doing?... Hell maybe you could have tried to help.


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## brownmale

To my mind, calling masturbation a 'selfish act' is like saying eating food alone is "selfish", because you should be eating more with your family and in a group!

It depends under what conditions one is masturbation, whether it is replacing sex, or whether it's a substitute for the sax you would any way never get!



Lila said:


> Masturbation is a 'selfish' sexual act in that it only involves the satisfaction of one person, yourself. The focus is exclusively on getting your need met, a.k.a orgasm, as efficiently as possible. There's very little work involved and no need to worry about getting a partner off.
> 
> It's not about connection. It's not about emotional intimacy. It's about getting a quick hormone release. And that's okay. As long as the sex in the relationship is otherwise good, then why get upset about wanting a quick orgasm, no strings attached?


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## yeah_right

Women are conditioned to feel bad about their bodies and that being sexual is BAD. So when confronted, many will feel ashamed, embarrassed or scared. It takes time to build healthy, honest communications about sex.

At this point in my marriage, I tell him pretty much every time I do. It agitates him and I know I'll have happy times when he gets home. Conversely, he often tells me when he has too. No biggie. But I can assure you we were not like that as newlyweds.


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## earworm

Well, no. We know everything about each other and we like to discuss our problems or concerns together. I trust her.


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## youkiddingme

I try to encourage my wife to masturbate....and to let me know when she does. It is a natural need that I am not always around or available to meet for her. To me it is like an opening into each others innermost thoughts and desires. It makes me excited to know that she has needs and meets them! Everyone has those needs, everyone meets them, and I am glad to know that it is going on!!!! It is exciting for me.
Also, When my wife does this and lets me know...it lets me know that she is breaking down walls and opening up to her own sexuality. Which I very much desire to happen. Yes.... Go for it women!!!!


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## youkiddingme

Intheory, sorry about your experience. I think that it is a natural need and that there is not always someone there to help you meet it. So it excites me to know that my wife is opening up and feeling comfortable enough to be honest with me and tell me when she has to meet her own needs!!!
Fact is, I think most all of us have the need to do so from time to time....perhaps even daily. What is the problem with that? I love it when my wife can tell me so. I have bought her all kinds of toys so that we can together or her alone help her enjoy her sexuality. I love hearing that she did so!!!


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## Fozzy

intheory said:


> I wouldn't wake my husband up because he would snap at me "what the fùck, I have to go to work in the morning. . .go sleep on the couch"
> 
> Yes, it's a lack of desire on his part.
> 
> I hope it's always that way for you, PhillyGuy, being ready and willing, day or night 0
> 
> I don't know if h masturbates or not. When he was younger, it bothered me, 'cause he so clearly loved the women in porn. But him feeling good in his body, doesn't bother me at all.
> 
> He has always been uncomfortable about me masturbating. When I was very young, we worked opposite schedules. I think we went a week once with no sex. So one Saturday a.m. when he was at work I had 6 orgasms (I was like 22 years old). I told him about it, to show him how much I missed having sex, and he was disgusted. I think he used the word "gluttonous", or something like that. So, after that I try to keep it private.
> 
> He doesn't want sex much anymore. He has been upset by my buying toys. *The last one I bought, he admits to finding it and throwing it away*.


What in the ever loving hell?

Tell me you didn't let that stand.

Dude abdicates that part of his marriage, he no longer gets a say in what you do.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening Intheory
There is so much that is so sad in your post. The idea that he not only denies you sex bu doesn't want you to please yourself is just so selfish, childish, ...can't find the right words.... bad. 

Btw, the term is not gluttonous, but "passionate" - and its a good thing. 





intheory said:


> I wouldn't wake my husband up because he would snap at me "what the fùck, I have to go to work in the morning. . .go sleep on the couch"
> 
> Yes, it's a lack of desire on his part.
> 
> I hope it's always that way for you, PhillyGuy, being ready and willing, day or night 0
> 
> I don't know if h masturbates or not. When he was younger, it bothered me, 'cause he so clearly loved the women in porn. But him feeling good in his body, doesn't bother me at all.
> 
> He has always been uncomfortable about me masturbating. When I was very young, we worked opposite schedules. I think we went a week once with no sex. So one Saturday a.m. when he was at work I had 6 orgasms (I was like 22 years old). I told him about it, to show him how much I missed having sex, and he was disgusted. I think he used the word "gluttonous", or something like that. So, after that I try to keep it private.
> 
> He doesn't want sex much anymore. He has been upset by my buying toys. The last one I bought, he admits to finding it and throwing it away.


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## Fozzy

intheory said:


> I ordered another one. I got to the mailbox before h. [thank God] and retrieved it.
> 
> I've hidden it at the bottom of a ton of clothes in one of my drawers. So hopefully he won't look around or anything like that.
> 
> If he wanted sex, even 2x a week, I wouldn't bother with toys; it's just to help me while I still need sex way more than he does.:wink2:


This makes me angry. He doesn't want sex, ok fine. Why is it any of his business what you do on your own time? Just because he's done with sex he thinks you're obligated to be also? Sounds extremely controlling to me.

Is he a control freak outside the bedroom also?


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## Fozzy

intheory said:


> "Control freak" is probably too strong.


I don't think it's strong enough. Sorry, but throwing out someone's VERY personal property because YOU aren't interested in it crosses a line.


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## Always Learning

Fozzy said:


> I don't think it's strong enough. Sorry, but throwing out someone's VERY personal property because YOU aren't interested in it crosses a line.


I'd have to agree with Fozzy here!

My wife claims to never masturbate, sad part is she is likely telling the truth.

She knows that I do, I have never really hidden it, she has found some of my "accessories". I have never flaunted it in front of her though.

Has anyone ever tried masturbating on Skype for your SO to watch. I think that could be a lot of fun. I read someone on here suggesting it even when your both in the same house. I would love to be able to watch my wife do it and maybe with me not in the same room she would feel a little more comfortable. Not very likely though!


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## jacko jack

She told me before marriage that she used a cucumber to masturbate with, the problem with my wife is that she always lies, the only time that I see a cucumber these days is when it is cut up on a salad. She did tell me that she had two vibrators and used them regularly. This convinced me that at least she was comfortable with her own body, however, she seems to lie about most things. It seems that she is not sexual at all or rather NPD, why do people lie. Good job she did not say she used a banana, I could never have eaten a fruit salad again as I would doubt if what I was eating was a banana.


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