# Who is responsible for romance in your relationship?



## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Just wondering with Valentine's day approaching who is more responsible for the romance part of your relationship?
I know Valentine's is a big day for the men to give out the flowers, candy and dinner to the ladies but what about the rest of the year?
I am not just talking about sex, I know most men initiate more than women(not always just what I read sorry to make a broad assumption) but the romantic dinners either home or out, date nights, spending "quality time" in and out of the bedroom.
For us I am the one who does most of the planning from vacations, to simple picnics at the beach and of course the naked part of our relationship.
My wife has gotten a little better with some of it but of course she says she is not as creative as I am.
So what about you?

As a side thought what are some of the most romantic things you or your SO has planned or surprised you with.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

In our relationship, I am the one who dose most of the planning for romantic dates and so on.
I am the one who does the reservations because I know most of these locations better than my wife.

However before marriage , she was the one who planned tha dates etc.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

My hero is definitely the romantic one. Last week, when we stopped at a liquor store on our way to our weekly poker game with friends, we each got what we wanted. On our way out the door, he saw "wine with chocolate" and decided to buy some for us to drink together just "because." 

He also texts me most days to tell me he loves me, misses me, that I am beautiful, etc. while I only reach out to him maybe once a week in this way. 

Today is his birthday. I texted him a birthday message while he was asleep, and about an hour later, he got another text that woke him. He saw mine and got a kick out of it at 1 a.m. - it was the first thing he mentioned when he got home from work today. 

I bought him a mini-bouquet of flowers in a "love" vase, some Snickers, and made him his favorite meal, ceviche. He knows we'll be getting his actual gift this weekend - boots - when he can pick them out. He knew about the boots, and the text, flowers, and meal doesn't seem particularly romantic to me, but he sure seemed appreciative this afternoon. So I guess I did ok, which is good, because romance is definitely NOT my forte!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We don't usually pay attention to VD - every day is a good day for romance. We usually have Friday date nights, and we take turns planning those - we're both responsible for romance.

She never knows when I may bring her flowers, and I never know when she'll change into some sexy lingerie - but it's often.


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## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

I'm mostly the one to do the romance but sometimes its him. He isn't very romantic so once a year is good but I try and do special things throughout the yeat for us when I can.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

love=pain said:


> Just wondering with Valentine's day approaching who is more responsible for the romance part of your relationship?
> I know Valentine's is a big day for the men to give out the flowers, candy and dinner to the ladies but what about the rest of the year?
> I am not just talking about sex, I know most men initiate more than women(not always just what I read sorry to make a broad assumption) but the romantic dinners either home or out, date nights, spending "quality time" in and out of the bedroom.
> For us I am the one who does most of the planning from vacations, to simple picnics at the beach and of course the naked part of our relationship.
> ...


Having done 2 threads on Romance...adore the subject...








...http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ll-these-5-examples-has-changed-over-yrs.html








...http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...you-enjoy-sappy-movies-your-wife-gag-run.html

YET... I think people define Romance in different ways... for instance...me & mine both have "gifts" at the bottom of our love languages.. and the truth is.. we hardly ever buy them at all ! ..and we're good with that... I've told him ages ago.. don't waste his $$ on flowers, It's just not necessary -I'd be happier if we took a walk on a trail and he picked some in the woods -to be honest ! 

On Valentine's day... probably just do something a little extra special..at home... a mint foot rub, maybe he'll send me a song in an email (one of his ways).....maybe we'll do a lathered up bubble bath with some music playing in the background.....

For us, Romance is more about "togetherness"...a Playful enjoyment of each other... and really...this can be captured every day.. . when we're out & about, he'll reach for my hand...when he comes home, he'll look for me just to kiss & wrap his arms around me... he'd rather us go places together, he watches Lifetime movies with me, even chick flicks !... Love him for that. 

So his romance...is wanting to be near me....this makes me feel very loved...wanted...special ... 

When it comes to planning...running off on a Romantic adventure....a surprise outing......I've always been the one taking the lead here.. 

I ENJOY seeking new & memorable destinations for us.. (a cabin in the woods with a hot tub under the elms ...for instance)

This has never bothered me though....truth is....If I waited for him to do this...we'd never leave the house ! ..... now I could let this bother me, saying it isn't fair.... but there is really no point to that.... I enjoy having the sky as the limit ...just knowing my guy wants to go these places with me....is enough.

What he gives me ....is... a beautiful attitude...his enjoying himself makes me enjoy myself...it's a win /win..


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## Nemo9nemo (Aug 16, 2013)

I prefer my man to be the romantic one ,to buy me little surprise gifts ( don't have to be flowers on those special days) , to maybe hug me or wrap him arms around my waist for no reason, or maybe just look into my eyes saying I love u tenderly when kids are not around if he is shy , but I've been married for 14 years, I'm still waiting for those miracles to happen....


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Nemo9nemo said:


> I prefer my man to be the romantic one ,to buy me little surprise gifts ( don't have to be flowers on those special days) , to maybe hug me or wrap him arms around my waist for no reason, or maybe just look into my eyes saying I love u tenderly when kids are not around if he is shy ,* but I've been married for 14 years, I'm still waiting for those miracles to happen.*...


Did he Do this while you were dating? It seems some men can *play it up* with the Romance, then it dies after the marriage.. it's own "bait & switch"....just as a # of men feel this happens with the sex... on the women's part. .... Getting too comfortable /complacent.. it's not a good place to be.... How important to keep the "dating" spirit alive ..humming along...even when the kids enter the picture.


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

Good question, was he romantic when you were dating? Second question have you ever (calmly) told him what you want, not complained but just a frank discussion?


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

We both do romantic things for each other, but I think he's the more romantic one. He's really good with grand gestures. But he also does smaller things that make me happy like bringing home a dessert I like or a music CD or something else he knows I'd want. Last week he booked a nice restaurant that has a Valentine's Day dinner special. He knew I like the restaurant and he booked it then asked a relative to babysit for us that night. 

I plan all our vacations. We just planned a vacation to another state in the late spring. Guess who planned it? Me.  I don't mind that I do the vacation planning all the time. I'm better at it and I am better at researching deals, comparing prices.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I feel butterflies in my tummy when I see my husband unexpectedly, and I wake up every morning happy that I now get to go pounce on him and snuggle him. 

That isn't romance, it is romantic love. And it comes from frequent tending and nurturing of your relationship and feelings for each other.

A once a year romance night isn't going to create that type of buzz.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Dh is not romantic. I rarely get flowers or gifts or anything like that, though he has invited me to eat out a few times in the last few months.

I used to feel really bad about this, like there was something wrong with us as a couple because I didn't get the things other women did, like flowers after a birth, or Valentine's Day presents or birthday surprises (well, sometimes) or things like that.

So about a year and a half ago, I decided to just change my mindset. Instead of complaining and doubting and all that, I decided I was just going to be grateful to dh for everything he did do. So when a doubt would come up (Is he not perfect? Oh, no! Did I marry the wrong man?! He made a mistake! I thought he knew everything! ), I would just quiet my mind, and think of one of his good points.

It probably sounds silly, but it really works. It focuses me on the positive. It makes me feel happy.

And it is true that many people have told me over the years what a wonderful husband I have, so I am not just fooling myself into believing untrue things. I am just focusing on gratitude, instead of unattainable perfection.

Sure beats being disappointed over what will never be.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

jld...My H is incredibly romantic in his soul, and in his behavior toward me...but he doesn't express it in gifts (flowers, jewelry, etc). He is an acts of service guy, so I'm more likely to get my bathroom remodeled than to get diamond earrings. Works for me! I will buy my own earrings.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> jld...My H is incredibly romantic in his soul, and in his behavior toward me...but he doesn't express it in gifts (flowers, jewelry, etc). He is an acts of service guy, so I'm more likely to get my bathroom remodeled than to get diamond earrings. Works for me! I will buy my own earrings.


That is sweet, FW. He is doing something right (probably many things!) for you to be as happy with him as you are.

And I think it is so cool that he has all the tools and knowledge to remodel your whole house. We have had to pay for all that, and it is so expensive!

Not to pry, but could you talk a bit about the romance in your dh's soul, and in his behavior? I know your dh is a sex god , but it is fun to hear about his other good qualities, too.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It seems hard to describe that part of him...it is so intangible and so full of lovely emotions. He just has an incredible capacity for real intimacy and connection. How does one explain this in words?

Did you see the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding?

The leading character guy in that movie...well, he is "sort of" close. He was able to sweep her off her feet by his true pursuit of her, his true interest in her...and meanwhile he wanted closeness and love and committment. All while also being a hottie!

My husband isn't a direct comparison to that guy, but there is a similar vibe to him. That's part of why I loved that movie.

The emotional depth and his romantic soul do spill out into his body...and it makes him have literally magic hands, somehow there is a warming electricity coming out of them. If you are familiar with "energy work" that some people do with their hands...well, my husband has had no training in that but he has the most energy coming through him that I've ever felt from anyone's touch (and I don't mean just from other lovers).

Here is a cheesy example...my husband doesn't even know the lyrics to this song...but whenever I hear this song, I can hear my husband singing it to me...it is so full of emotion yet still very masculine and very romantic....this is how my husband's romanticism "feels" to me....

.38 Special - Caught Up In You - YouTube

There is an ad you can skip after 5 seconds.

I'm sorry for the butt rock nature of this song...I wouldn't share it except that you asked.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Faithful Wife said:


> jld...My H is incredibly romantic in his soul, and in his behavior toward me...*but he doesn't express it in gifts (flowers, jewelry, etc). He is an acts of service guy,** so I'm more likely to get my bathroom remodeled than to get diamond earrings. Works for me! I will buy my own earrings*.


It seems our *Love Languages* play a large role in our giving / how we personally express that love..whether we'd call it *Romantic* or not.

A new remolded bathroom with a big bow wrapped around it... I think that beats some silver & gold around the neck! 

I could take your words here FW and insert my husband being a " TIME & TOUCH" man & his expression would be watching movies with me twirling my hair for 2 hours straight...it's as natural as breathing to him ...(and I purrrr)....or we'll go shopping together..and honestly I would enjoy THAT more than any gift he could wrap up for me..

And I'd guess JLD feels greatly loved by her husband making such a good living...for her & the children....her husband being such a strong & stable force in their lives... she has Great "admiration" for her man...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I haven't heard that song for a long time, FW. Thanks for linking it!

That is so cool about your dh's hands. I think energy work is cool in general. And his vibes sound great. No wonder you love him so much. 

We used to go to a doctor in France who did osteopathy in addition to her regular MD stuff. She fixed my twisted knee just with moving her hands over it. Amazing.

She told me I could learn how, too, but I am so clueless that way. I can't feel anything! 

So nice to hear about your marriage. You always say good things about it, but it is really fun to hear details. Thanks again for sharing!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

SA, I am not a jewelry gal either, lol. I like your Time and Touch description of your dh.

Oh, dh doesn't earn that much money. He does work like crazy, though. He loves it. He has always been a hard worker, whether on farms as a kid, or running around the world like he does now.

I think it's good he has his own independent work life. I mean, I love him, and I love being with him, but if this is really what he wants to do, I want him to have the freedom to do it. He has to be his own man, you know?

And I think his work is interesting. I'm happy he is so fulfilled by it. 

And isn't it cool when a guy loves manual labor as much as intellectual work? I can't stand lazy men!


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## outNabout (Mar 2, 2013)

If you really look at it , its easy to see how much of Valentines day and 'romance' is a marketing strategy to sell people overpriced products they don't really need. And none of it brings lasting happiness in life. 

How often do women have the idea that 'romance' is being doted on with lavish gifts and a guy who gives them everything they desire. That's not romantic - that's vain selfishness, pure and simple!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

outNabout said:


> *If you really look at it , its easy to see how much of Valentines day and 'romance' is a marketing strategy to sell people overpriced products they don't really need. And none of it brings lasting happiness in life.
> 
> How often do women have the idea that 'romance' is being doted on with lavish gifts and a guy who gives them everything they desire. That's not romantic - that's vain selfishness, pure and simple!*


 I consider myself a Romantic and don't need any of that crap .. I kinda resent that the word ROMANCE gets so tied up in commercialism - which to ME.. it is purely about the heart...it's something you feel every day... for your beloved.....not just buying "things" on a special day to say "Here, I thought of you"... It's just so much deeper... a person either IS or they are NOT the romantic type.... 

This is how I view ROMANCE -when I speak of the term...

Taken from >>>







..  Are you a Romantic Type? ..












> Being Romantic means being sensitive, affectionate, and spritually-inclined.
> 
> The paramount quality of a romantic person is sensitivity. The romantic is a person who FEELS deeply, and attaches a lot of meaning to those feelings. Because of this, the romantic will express him/herself through such things as affection, verbal declarations of love, and meaningful gestures, all of which come from deep within.
> 
> ...


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

outNabout said:


> If you really look at it , its easy to see how much of Valentines day and 'romance' is a marketing strategy to sell people overpriced products they don't really need. And none of it brings lasting happiness in life.
> 
> How often do women have the idea that 'romance' is being doted on with lavish gifts and a guy who gives them everything they desire. That's not romantic - that's vain selfishness, pure and simple!


We take it in turn to plan both VD and our anniversary. This year is my turn.
It is not about lavish gifts for us.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

I sure hope someone like to get crap for vday, or I'll be out of business! Nothing says I love you like a diamond heart 
My h doesn't plan dates etc. I'm always the one that has to plan and initiate all romance in and out of the bedroom. It does get old. It just doesn't seem important to him. He has a great time once we do something, it just doesn't occur to him to look/take opportunities when we can.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

My H & I are both romantic, we just show each other romance in nontraditional ways.
For instance, he knows I like to sleep in, so every weekend he takes care of our pets, then makes us coffee & toast. He wakes me up with a big smooch & we enjoy breakfast in bed together. This time together, reconnecting after our very crazy work schedules, is what helps keep me sane. 

When he buys me gifts, he tends to buy me experiences instead of a physical gift. I told him once after he had taken me on vacation how much I loved gifts that were experiences and he has not forgotten since. He knows how much I love horses and the best gift he's given me was VIP tickets to see Cavalia. I still think about the show & it's been almost 4 years, it was that amazing. 
cavalia-show | Cavalia


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