# Still Love My Wife



## Haliburton (Jan 27, 2011)

Almost right after my Wife and I were married, We began to have all sorts of problems. Often we would fight, say nasty things to each other and ignore each others needs for days on end. Prior to getting married we had a very warm and loving relationship and I could not have been happier. I should say that during our marriage, we had two very hard real estate transactions, my wife was also becoming a Chartered Accountant and the three years of school, tutoring and endless exams were hard on us too. A lot going on in two years of marriage. Then add the dilemma of starting a family!

I could not cope with the added stress. We drifted apart, our jobs became more demanding, all the while many little things added up to drive a wedge between us. I also did not realize it at the time, but I was severely depressed. I just found that out after my Wife and I separated. I had a chemical imbalance that caused a very serious depression. I tried to understand this depression and proceeded with medication and counselling. Depression changed me, it for sure, as I now understand it altered my wellbeing, caused me to change from the person I was to an angry self centered bad person, I was irresponsible with money, lacked motivation, was not interested in sex, lost care for many things including our marriage. 

I tried to explain this to my Wife. How depression ruined our lives and that I really did and do love her. We went to counselling together, and apart. I took my medication as I was supposed to, and yet we ended up separating anyways. I fully accept the responsibility that I drove my wife from our marriage! Who wouldn't leave? I was not the man my Wife fell in love with and married. Well we proceeded apart. I continued with medications and counselling. We drew up our separation agreement and proceeded along, apart. Our counselor said I had to let my Wife go. The day I told her I would let her go, I felt like part of me died! It was worse than when I lost my parents. Really. It was not the answer I wanted from my/ our counselor. I had been pleading and begging my Wife for another chance for month's and was getting nowhere. My Wife also befriended a woman who lived nearby and it almost seemed like clockwork. Since they became friends, my Wife changed from being warm and heartfelt with me to cold, direct and unforgiving. This hurt even more and I could not help but think that this "new friend" was feeding her all kinds of bad advice. This "new friend" also came across as a man hater. Every time we ran into her prior too separating, she gave me the impression that she was not a fan of men. Maybe I am reading too much into that, or am I?

Not to drag this story out but I am looking for advice. Hard advice and from both men and women. Since finishing nearly six month's of medication and counselling, I feel better. I am much more myself, albeit a little more emotional than before, and I know the mistakes I made were horrendous. I have had actually very little interaction with my Wife for almost eight months now. I could count on one hand how many times we have seen each other. Here is the catch..I tried to move on in life too. I was on an internet dating site and had met a few people. I have had a few dates and they were okay. Now, I realize that I still love my Wife very deeply and I am not interested in dating anybody else. When I log onto this site now, all I see are faces that mean nothing to me. I want my wife back. 

Since separating and spending time apart we have had some conversations. Sure..all the legal conversations that had to occur, but to my suggestion, I have asked to try to establish at least a friendship with my Wife. She seems to be a little receptive to this and commented that in time perhaps this could happen. Is this a small door opening? or what should I do? 

Here is what I have figured out. I need to show my wife that I am better. Emotionally and physically. I need to show her that the horrid person I was is no more. I believe that too. I know I am more the man I was! I also know that this does not happen overnight and I have to also get her trust back before anything can happen.

I would appreciate any and all feedback. Anybody else been down this road, what was the outcome. I know that I don't even want to date anybody else, but the loneliness is really hard. I also know that it will be long tough road to even establish a friendship with my Wife, but I would of course take that over nothing. I would appreciate some comments and direction.


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## Haliburton (Jan 27, 2011)

Can anybody offer advice? Help?

Am on on the right track?


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## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

I have not been down that road, but I am married to a man who has suffered with depression and anxiety for our whole marriage. It seems to me that you should try to begin the whole courtship again. Perhaps arrange for a nice date, doing things she likes. Send flowers, etc. And be sure that you have apologized


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## Haliburton (Jan 27, 2011)

hopemom said:


> I have not been down that road, but I am married to a man who has suffered with depression and anxiety for our whole marriage. It seems to me that you should try to begin the whole courtship again. Perhaps arrange for a nice date, doing things she likes. Send flowers, etc. And be sure that you have apologized


Thanks, Hopemom!

Depression is horrid. It is as bad as alcoholism maybe worse. I am fortunate that my medication and counseling helped me, but very sad that because of everything related to depression, my Wife was driven out.

That is my plan..to be very s-l-o-w with things. I don't want to scare her away. The trust has to be rebuilt..totally. I have apologized and admitted fault. It is going to be a long road back, but she is worth it. Even the friendship would mean a lot!

I am thinking that we get together here or there with our dogs and have a play date with them. I want to show her that I am better and love her. A little at a time. From there, I was going to ask her for a coffee date, or something very light.

What do you think? I appreciate others input very much.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Considering 8 months of separation without much contact, I would work on the friendship first...you need to show your wife that you are stable, that you are more of your old self now, take it slow...

forcing the "us" issue right now before trust is built up could be a huge mistake...take it slow, read her language...take it slower if need be...

To be honest, if she has gotten 8 months of bad advice from a man hater, I don't like your chances...but if you don't try, you have zero chances anyways...

expect the worse, work for the best...


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## Haliburton (Jan 27, 2011)

Thank you DjF.

I really think that the slow approach is the best too. I agree with showing her that I am stable too. I have come a long way and intend to prove that to her.


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