# Dating and paranoia



## Cgreene21 (Feb 11, 2010)

Well, I'm back. Again. 

Ok, so here's my situation as of this moment...my friends all think I am being paranoid, but I have a gut feeling something isn't quite right, and lately that feeling seems to be pretty dead on...or maybe that feeling is whats causing my problems...either way, I'm hoping some outside perspective can ease my mind.

I'll try to keep it brief. Right before New Year's I met a wonderful woman through a dating site. We talked almost non stop for a week through both texts and calling each other, and decided to meet up that weekend. By the time her ex husband picked up her kids, it was close to 11 pm before we got together, so we decided to just hang out at my apartment and watch some movies and get to know each other. She ended up staying the night, I offered her my bed and I slept on the couch. The next day we spent the day watching movies and being lazy together. It was great. Before she left, she invited me to stay with her the next week, which I agreed.

After she left, we talked and texted all week, and she gave me the impression that she really liked me, thought I had a great personality, etc. So I drove out to she her Saturday. We went to the casino for a few hours, then went back to her place to watch movies. As we are sitting there, she leans in and kisses me. She then snuggles up to me, and we more or less stayed that way till the next morning. We shared her bed, but were not intimate more then a little kissing. 

The next morning I wake up and she is playing on her computer. She shows me a bunch of picture of her kids and family, and we sort of decide to go to the mall and maybe catch a movie or get something to eat. As I return from the shower, she tells me her mom just called and wanted to see her, so she had to go...I'm understanding and all, but I was sort of confused as to what suddenly had happened. My first thought is that she is just trying to get rid of me, but she kissed me goodbye several times, and called me a few minutes later to make sure I let her know I got home safely.

So this week was been sort of quiet. Not nearly as many texts or phone calls, but she still is sending them. I asked her Monday if I had done something to make her mad, and she said no, of course not. She later texted me that she was sorry she had been so quiet, that she was dealing with ex husband drama with the kids. 

Tuesday, still fairly quiet, but she also started college back up that day and had some minor surgery. She texted me and sent my pictures, so I wasn't all that worried.

So yesterday she barely texted me at all, and I tried to call her twice, first time I get a text saying shes making dinner, the second time no response at all. This is after she let our short text conversation fall dead earlier. She texted me saying she was in a bad mood and had a ton of college work to do. 20 designs by next week. SO I asked her if she wanted to cancel this weekend, and she said she wasn't sure yet if she would be doing anything or not. I was a bit bummed, not going to lie.

So this morning, like I have done everyday, I sent her a good morning text when I got into the office, normally she answers pretty quick and we talk a bit. Today all I got was, "G'morning. Getting kids rdy...text you later."

So I'm sitting here sort of freaking out a bit. I know I shouldn't worry about circumstances that are beyond my control, but I'm really feeling this girl a lot, and I don't want to get hurt anymore lol. She hasn't out right said she isn't interested, and her actions up until now sort of seemed to imply that she was. She told me she wasnt the type that got sick of people, and we were talking about meeting each others families and what not...I guess I am just scared...and I'm hoping someone can read this and maybe see what I see, or can at least tell me to stop being ridiculous!

So, if anyone made it this far in my story, please comment. I could really use the help


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You haven't even asked her out on a proper date. Sounds like it's been pretty boring.

You need to step up your game.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Yep, I believe you have fallen into what is commonly known as "the friend zone". Follow me here: you meet on a dating site, which is good first step, but then you talk and talk and talk and when you finally get together you "hang out" and "be lazy". Then you talk and talk and talk, go to the casino (I'm assuming during the day) and back to her house to "hang out and watch movies". Then when she kisses you, you just snuggle the rest of the night. Do I have it right?

So here is how I would interpret all of that, as a woman. First I'd be excited about the possible connection. Then I'd even understand if we didn't do anything the first night because of the kid situation and lateness and all. However, I frankly expect a heck of a lot more than hanging out and being lazy from a first date. And I'm not talking about some huge expensive deal, I'm just saying make an effort, have a plan. I have friends I can hang out in my sweats with, you know?

Same thing with the next weekend, once would be a fluke, but if the next weekend was a day trip to a casino and then back to hanging out, I'd be wondering if you really were into me as a date or more as a friend. I'd wonder it even more if I kissed you, which is a pretty broad hint, my friend....and you left it at that. 

So to sum up...no planned dates except hanging out and wandering around public areas and a little cuddling and kisses she instigated. She's not brushing you off, really I'm just guessing that real life is slipping in now that the holidays are totally over and that she's got the impression that you're more interested in friendship.

If you want her, woo her. Date her. Treat her like a girl and not a buddy. You aren't married to her yet, save weekends on the couch for when you've got her.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

CGreene, I'll be honest with you, speaking as a female person. If I were her, I would feel smothered. She started college, had drama with the ex, and had minor surgery--and you're freaking on her because she doesn't TEXT you often enough? :scratchhead: MAN! Get a life! 

Have you ever started college classes? The first week, they bombard you with new reading assignments, several "homework" assignments or projects, plus there's paperwork to fill out or get filed (somehow...there is ALWAYS paperwork )...AND as if that weren't stressful enough, her ex decides to pull some stunts just when she's busy to the max and she was counting on him honoring the schedule or something and he backed out. JERK! *AND *she had minor surgery--her nose wart was lasered right off  :lol: --so it hurt a little, it was physically...inconvenient and sort of achy. 

So she's stressed to the max with new school, her ex is being the [email protected] he is (which is why she left him), and she's feeling tired, sickish, achy...and what do you do? YOU act all clingy because she's not texting you often enough. UGH! Nothing personal but you are adding to her already heavy burden rather than being a teammate and helping to lighten the load! 

Thus, here's my suggestion. Rather than being an emotionally needy "date" who needs constant reassurance of her interest, go to Office Depot or Walmart, buy her some pens, pencils, a huge eraser, a few notebooks, some soup, granola bars, and probably a travel mug--stuff for like a "back-to-school" giftbag--put it all together and wrap a scarf on it for a bow (maybe with a cute necklace tangled in there) and then call and say "I have a gift for you...when is it convenient to drop it by?" Then whenever she says, just go, have a smile on your face and kind of a teasing grin, and say, "I got you some back-to-school survival supplies because I know going back to college can be SOOOOO stressful!" Let her open it and giggle...find the cool necklace... THEN say "I don't want to add to your burden, but I really like you and would like to ask you out on a formal date. Wednesday or Friday would be best for me--do either of those work for you so I could take you out?" Let her tell you which one. Then give her a kiss, say goodbye, let her know she can contact you when she has freetime but otherwise you'll be carrying on with some of your own plans, AND LET HER DO HER THING. 

Make sense? 

The biggest issue I see here is that all you're thinking of is yourself. "I need her to reassure me!" "I need constant contact" "I need ... I need... I need." If you want to be an outstanding man, date, and eventually husband, you need to start thinking about HER and what SHE"S going through and how to meet HER needs. Right now she may need you to be self-confident and interested.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Affaircare said it well. . .no need to rehash. Other than yes, you have to think about her needs, but you know what? Your needs count too.

I would also agree with Michzz to step up your game and grope her a little at least. If she's conservative, she'll say,

"Don't feed me no lines and keep your hands yourself."

Women say they want a SWEET and NICE guy. They don't. Just trust me on this.

Of course, Michzz, Affaircare, COGypsy and I could all be like the dysfunctional friends in 40 Year Old Virgin who kept trying to get him laid - they were almost as dysfunctional, if not more dysfunctional, than him.

So take all of this with a grain of salt.

And get your chest waxed and stop with the Teenage Werewolf look.


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

Cgreene21,

Man what you are experiencing is one of the many flaky woman in this world.. Since my divorce I have run across all kinds of woman who are totally screwed up.. One minute they are hot and heavy for you the next cold as ice. Dont let it bother you. Seems this woman has no clue what she wants or where she is going. chaulk it up as a learning experience.. Next time keep your distance and dont seem so needy.. You will find many like this my friend. One day the right one will come along and you will know, until then dont get hung up on any particular one.....

Enjoy as many as possible before getting to serious... 

Skin.........


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Question: How long has she been divorced? 

Sounds like she has a lot on her plate but also, she may not be ready to get into a serious relationship right now. She might have THOUGHT she was, did the internet dating thing and spent some time with you and then she realizes that she isn't into having a relationship. If she's been divorced less than a year then she might not have healed from her marriage breaking up and spending time with you might have her feeling confused or shying away. 

So it might not be you. I'd give her space and see what she wants. If she seems interested then I'd back off and do what's been suggested: Start doing some "formal" dating and stop being so available. 

Damn, reading all this makes me glad that I have no desire to date anyone besides my husband.


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