# I'm the oddball!



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Out with friends. Celebrating a birthday... Apparently it's ok to the four other women with me to chat and Skype with married men. ??? WTF?? They are all actively chatting with old school chums who are married and of the opposite sex. One is her own Aunt's husband. 

This is normal and I'm looked at like a prude. I'm just so disgusted that this is what people do. 

And, being single, I'm encouraged to do the same. "Have some fun."
"Your not doing anything wrong,"

I know I will never trust anyone ever again. Completely disgusted at the world right now and can't sleep.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Rugs said:


> Out with friends. Celebrating a birthday... Apparently it's ok to the four other women with me to chat and Skype with married men. ??? WTF?? They are all actively chatting with old school chums who are married and of the opposite sex. One is her own Aunt's husband.
> 
> This is normal and I'm looked at like a prude. I'm just so disgusted that this is what people do.
> 
> ...


Try NyQuil.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Hmm. Should've asked them if they'd be OK w/ their boyfriends or husbands doing the same.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

It may be true that you are the oddball, but maintain your integrity. You will make a much better wife when you get married than they will be...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My husband always says he feels the same way, when his guy friends want to share porn, or go to strip clubs, or just generally talk about "stuff they'd like to do with" whatever girl is walking by, or when they confess affair behavior they've been up to and apparently expect him to cheer them on. He thinks it is just sad and juvenille, but apparently oh-so common.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I asked them. They would NOT be happy. But of course that's not their problem. Now, anyway.

How can anyone think the attention of some creepy married man is flattering?

That would depress me, not boost my ego. How have standards become so low? 

How hard is it to figure out?? Losers.

Not for me. I don't understand. It's just so disheartening for all involved no matter how you look at it. 

I did take NyQuil and Ambien too. I hope it kicks in soon.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Rugs said:


> Not for me. I don't understand. It's just so disheartening for all involved no matter how you look at it.


I agree. I recently found out a newly single friend of mine has been texting a married guy. She asked me what I thought about it. I told her I thought it was gross and not a good look for her. She said they only talk about spiritual things and art. I laughed and told her he needs to talk about those things with his wife. I asked her how would she feel if her husband was talking to another woman? I also asked her if his wife were to pick up his phone and see their text exchange, would it be innocent? She balked and said it's not like that. I told her, yes it is and she should cease and desist.

I have lost all respect for her. And I have zero desire to keep the friendship-I am totally turned off. I thought she had her head on straight.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If their spouses know and are okay with it, and their friends' spouses know and are okay with it, then they simply have different understandings and boundaries than you do. If it's clandestine, then I agree with you - otherwise, your judgment should only apply to your own standards and behavior.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

My wife thought it was no problem either, until I found out about it. She learned that I new of it when her ability to contact him through e-mail and Facebook was either blocked or disabled. Then we had the conversation.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Rugs said:


> I asked them. They would NOT be happy.


But why? Let them have some fun! It's not like they'd be doing anything wrong!

:slap:


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Shirley one of them has a boyfriend. The next time, pretend you are texting and laughing. Make up some stuff then say "your boyfriend wants to lick my blah, blah blah!"

Then ask her how she likes being cheated on.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Rugs said:


> Out with friends. Celebrating a birthday... Apparently it's ok to the four other women with me to chat and Skype with married men. ??? WTF?? They are all actively chatting with old school chums who are married and of the opposite sex. One is her own Aunt's husband.
> 
> This is normal and I'm looked at like a prude. I'm just so disgusted that this is what people do.
> 
> ...


Its more about the company you keep 
than about how the majority of women are


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Hmm. Should've asked them if they'd be OK w/ their boyfriends or husbands doing the same.



Actually, you should tell them this is what their boyfriends and husbands do when you are with them!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I guess I'm wondering where you're finding these "friends" of yours? I've never in my life been out with friends and had anyone break out into skypeing and chatting with married men. Or any men, for that matter, other than the occasional check-in with their spouses via text or call. If any of them were to be engaging in a clandestine relationship with a guy, I'd at least expect them to be smart enough and to have enough shame to hide it from the rest of us. It sounds like your friends are both not all that bright and not all that moral. 

Perhaps it's time for better friends.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

I'm sorry but maybe you just need some new friends? Maybe I'm crossing users but it seems like every time you have something to post about one of your friends or a group of them, they're engaged in some type of infidelitous (don't know if that's a real word, I just made it up and I like it) behavior or are outright supportive of it.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

No, I don't make this up. I may be a bad friend picker but none on them seem like the type of people to me (maybe one) that would act like this. 

They are a different group of friends from my ex best friends who have both left their husbands for AP's. 

All are from the same area and we all went to the same high school but sort of a different crowd than before. 

It's a very affluent area of Metro Washington DC where I no longer live. It seems like money has affected them in many ways and I notice a lot more now since I have moved away. It definitely seems like the affluent lifestyle has brought on a sense of entitlement.?? 

These are not "regular" friends I hang out with. It was a birthday celebration I was invited to town for and this was pretty normal conversation material...

I absolutely found it strange and I really had a hard time with it last night but I don't need to socialize with these people again for really any reason. 

In this case, the term friends is used o bit loosely, more like old school chums from back in the day.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Rugs said:


> No, I don't make this up. I may be a bad friend picker but none on them seem like the type of people to me (maybe one) that would act like this.
> 
> They are a different group of friends from my ex best friends who have both left their husbands for AP's.
> 
> ...


Then it should be no loss to leave them in your rear view. You can do better. No need to hang out with people who make you feel like there is something wrong with you because you do not have their same warped sense of entitlement.


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

I have a friend who works for a very large company in the UK. A sizable group have made it a 'tradition' to go to the pub on a Friday night after work (very common) & some of them go on to a club after. It's become 'normal' for them to get drunk & end-up making out with different individuals, many of them married, most in relationships. 

She tried to explain this as 'innocent' fun & no-one taking it seriously & no-one getting hurt. As a group of friends we were horrified that her standards & principles had slipped so far, so fast!!

The new 'normal' can happen so quickly!!!


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Hmm. Should've asked them if they'd be OK w/ their boyfriends or husbands doing the same.


The sad fact I have noticed about so many people is that they lack empathy to the point that it is almost impossible for them to really put themselves in another person's 'shoes'.

OP asked them how they would feel, and they admitted they wouldn't like it.....but they can't imagine such a situation as 'real', no doubt because they trust their H's.

It's like they cannot truly 'get it' unless, or until, it starts happening to them in reality.

Only then, when it is their own feelings that are being torn apart, do they finally realize the gravity of what they are doing or what another person is going through.

Sad really....but of course if they did have true empathy for others, I doubt they would be engaging in this crappy behavior to begin with.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I have been thinking about why I have so many friends that have turned out to be cheaters. 

A couple of boring people (my husband included) I was totally surprised. They just seemed so boring and vanilla, I couldn't see how cheating would ever come about. 

Another two just love any kind of male attention. (These are two females). Any attention, including negative is ok as long as it feeds their ego. Essentially, "boy crazy" for lack of a better late night adult term. Still outwardly boring people who don't add much interest to group or other conversation. 

My dad and my brother, Narcs of the worst kind. Very selfish, un-empathetic people with no regard for other's feelings but their own. 

My best friend, VERY intelligent but insecure about money and has never been on her own. Has always needed a man in her life and unable to be alone. 

All different. The only one I really want to forgive is my best friend. Yes, she is very selfish and always has been. BUT, although selfish, she always puts herself first in any situation. I always put myself last and I'm not a cheater but I gain strength from her by learning how to put myself first. 

I have somewhat forgiven my best friend because although she has made poor excuses (Imo) to justify her cheating actions, she has allowed me to express my disappointment without becoming angry and by also apologizing several times to me. 

I still feel she has not made things right with her children and she does remain selfish. As long as she accepts how I feel and talks maturely about it AND takes responsibility for her part, I forgive her. 

I realize, cheaters come with many different types of personalities and I don't particularly care for any of the above any longer but it took me a long time to find my own self-worth through my own marital problems, time, age......to realize it was just a journey I made. 

I am no longer as mad and bitter as I was the other night. Not everyone is a cheater. BUT, I will chose to remain single for the rest of my life. It suits me better. 

Ramble, ramble, ramble, random thoughts.....


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Rugs said:


> BUT, I will chose to remain single for the rest of my life. It suits me better.


owww Rugs


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

My wife ran across a group like this in a loose circle of friends she knows. They said they would never "do" anything with these men they flirt with (all are married - ALL). They're just having fun.

Definition of a tease. Flirt, suggest, but never act. It's bad for their husbands back home, and bad for their targets. But as long as they have a little fun, it's a-okay. Pure selfishness.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Gabriel said:


> My wife ran across a group like this in a loose circle of friends she knows. They said they would never "do" anything with these men they flirt with (all are married - ALL). They're just having fun.
> 
> Definition of a tease. Flirt, suggest, but never act. It's bad for their husbands back home, and bad for their targets. But as long as they have a little fun, it's a-okay. Pure selfishness.


They may not 'intend' to cheat.....but WW's with this attitude are very likely to get sucked into A's by experienced players.

These guys know the WW's are into it for the ego kibbles....they know how to withhold the emotional kibbles or threaten to take them away entirely unless they start getting a taste of what the turds are really after.

And the next thing they know, these women find themselves engaging in a PA just to keep the 'player' engaged....probably wondering how they let themselves go there when it was never their original intention (at least not consciously).

These women are lying to themselves if they think they are in complete control of these situations....they are not counting on the fact that the POSOM's have their own agenda and gameplan for getting what they want.

These WW's are playing with fire, and will eventually get burnt in all likelihood.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

OP-

Thank you for your morals.

It helps me to see that others are upset by the low morals.

You made my day.

Hope you find more to associate with that have the same standards.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Rugs said:


> It's a very affluent area of Metro Washington DC where I no longer live. It seems like money has affected them in many ways and I notice a lot more now since I have moved away. It definitely seems like the affluent lifestyle has brought on a sense of entitlement.??
> 
> These are not "regular" friends I hang out with. It was a birthday celebration I was invited to town for and this was pretty normal conversation material...


I was skeptical about your post at first. But when you said DC it makes sense. I am a wayward and one thing about DC that I have never understood is that there seem to be more immoral people here than moral people. Most people here don't really care if you are married or not. And yes.....there is a lot of money here...it changes everyone....I know it changed me, and not for the better.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

*I'm the oddball!... Rugs *

NOPE!



Dyokemm said:


> They may not 'intend' to cheat.....but WW's with this attitude are very likely to get sucked into A's by experienced players.
> 
> These WW's are playing with fire, and will eventually get burnt in all likelihood.


Agreed.

When my FWW started to "blend" with new group of female/male friends at the school she taught at, the trouble started. I really didn't know them or care to. In retrospect my bad, almost all were divorced or re-married, and a common thread... they were Cheaters. 

Something Telling...

The night of DD, I wanted her out of my sight. I drove her over to a married couple that we were mutual friends with to stay the evening. 

Granted I was "slow" in the CSI department prior to DD, quick study though. In real time, I watched her phone log on the NET. It went like this...

Call 1, POS-OM
Call 2, POS-Cheater GF 1
Call 3, POS-Cheater GF 2
Call 4, POS-OM
Call 5, Me 

And see who is last in her Support Group?

*"but WW's with this attitude are very likely to get sucked into A's"... Dyk*

*And, being single, I'm encouraged to do the same. "Have some fun."
"Your not doing anything wrong,"... Rugs
*
See the point... She is all to blame for cheating, but over time the company she kept had altered her perception of marriage, out of bounds if you will. She _somewhat_ disagrees... I counter, "Interesting you no-longer associate with any Cheater GF X" and you were like best friends for years... Hmmm.


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

I don't mix with women who all sit around criticizing their husbands all the time. What we say out loud, what we say in our heads slowly changes who we are & how we feel. I try to be very aware of my internal dialogue...not just about my loved ones but also about myself! Experience, LIFE is change, sadly not always growth.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Dyokemm said:


> They may not 'intend' to cheat.....but WW's with this attitude are very likely to get sucked into A's by experienced players.
> 
> These guys know the WW's are into it for the ego kibbles....they know how to withhold the emotional kibbles or threaten to take them away entirely unless they start getting a taste of what the turds are really after.
> 
> ...


That is logical. In this group's case, these women tend to get off on teasing men who are a little "below" them, if you know what I mean. So, giving guys false hope to get with a lady a little out of their league. It totally gives these ladies a power trip, to know they can snag some dude who'd be grateful to be with them, but then pull away the string.

It's just mean.

And I'm not saying that from a perspective of a guy this has happened to. I've been out of the dating game for 22 years. I just don't like seeing people being treated this way.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Gabriel said:


> That is logical. In this group's case, these women tend to get off on teasing men who are a little "below" them, if you know what I mean. So, giving guys false hope to get with a lady a little out of their league. It totally gives these ladies a power trip, to know they can snag some dude who'd be grateful to be with them, but then pull away the string.
> 
> It's just mean.
> 
> And I'm not saying that from a perspective of a guy this has happened to. I've been out of the dating game for 22 years. I just don't like seeing people being treated this way.


I agree that it is a petty and disrespectful little game.

But the women are still making themselves vulnerable, even if they don't realize or admit it.

All it takes is for one of these guys, who these women think they are in control of, to start nonchalantly throwing some rejection their way, probably coupled with some light flirting with a different woman in their presence. 

Next thing you know....these women are the ones doing a little pursuing, trying to reel their supply of ego kibbles back in....the ego doesn't like the feeling of rejection.

And suddenly the whole dynamic of their little game starts to change.....and before they know it, these women will be in a situation they originally had no intention of going to (at least not consciously).

Play + Fire = Burn (eventually)


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> My husband always says he feels the same way, when his guy friends want to share porn, or go to strip clubs, or just generally talk about "stuff they'd like to do with" whatever girl is walking by, or when they confess affair behavior they've been up to and apparently expect him to cheer them on. He thinks it is just sad and juvenille, but apparently oh-so common.


Exactly!

My SO used to visit field reps as part of his corporate job (Quality Control Manager for a large manufacturing company). Every time he came to town (all over the country, Arizona, Cali, Alaska, Michigan, Florida, Nevada) the reps would set up a night at a strip club (really it was just an excuse for THEM to drink heavily and get their rocks off.) In the interest of maintaining their business relationship he would go, have one drink, and then politely excuse himself... "Early flight tomorrow, busy day, y'all enjoy yourselves."

He was always disgusted by their behavior.


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