# One mistake after another?



## trish0603 (May 17, 2009)

I apologilze for the length of this now. I've been with a man for 9 years, not knowing at first he was married but fell for the lies and the games of deceit and I stayed, mistake one was not running when I found out. Six months later I was pregnant and he dumped me, telling me he didn't think I was worth losing everything over. The stress got to me and I miscarried a month later, the doctor said we wouldn't be able to carry a child together, the genes thing. 6 other pregnancies, one of which was twins, he was gone. Six years later he left his wife within two months he was gone, again coming back and me being stupid and letting him. 3 months later he came back I got pregnant again within two weeks like all the rest he was gone again, three days later he called me telling me he messed up and that he had to get his things in order first, he came back the day our son was born, only to leave again 6 days later. Yes he came back again a month later, this time he said it was for good, but it was only to make me pay for his misery or the mistake he made for leaving his wife. I dealt with the lies of him talking to his wife everyday and he couldn't understand why I couldn't trust him or had no security with him.

We were both involved in an alternitive lifestyle briefly, with the understanding there would be no sneaking behing the others back, well that didn't happen. His 6 sex sites, his addiction to, became a problem. He would leave for work and within 5 minutes on messenger start talking sex till the time he got off, only to return back later in the evening to send naked pictures of himself then cam while he exposed himself, even if the other person wasn't. But to him and his friends this is okay and I'm the one who has a problem. I gave him the ultimatum, it was either us or his sex sites and he replied "I'm not giving up my sites". We fought almost everyday for a year, trying to work it out then ending it then back again, I was trying to work out our problems by talking while he got defensive and blamed me for everything. It was all my fault, my fault I complained about a one-sided sex life, basically he was what most men call a dead lay and that was all he did, nothing for me, but he worked a lot was his reson behind it. My fault he talked to other women and his wife. 

For over a year I suggested counseling but that never got past how everything was my fault. I'm worthless because he said I wasn't a decent enough mother to help support his son. But his one job brings in over a hundred grand a year, the other two are under the table. His friends now have helped him in his plight to sabatoge an already horrific relationship, not knowing the truth to anything, a woman with kids is now his accomplise and who condones his actions, she had a thing for him a long time ago, right before he met me but he said she was to big of a woman for him. 

I'm not saying I'm innocent to anything, I couldn't get to him emotionally so I took over three of his sex sites and his email account, not with the intention of keeping or doing anything else with them but that to him is far worse than anything he has ever did to me. 

I don't understand how someone can put so much value on his belongings or sex sites over his family. Or even a person thinking that if you don't talk about your problems anything can get solved or fixed. He says I'm trying to be controlling but he can take away my house keys and not give me back for six months or take away my phone because he says he pays the bill on it and find it okay that he pays for his mother in laws, and I have his son, I don't get it. I finally left when he decided to call the police on me every other day in hopes it will help his fight for custody but why do I feel like I have such a dependency on him? There is more to this, sorry. He is so afraid of someone seeing what he does on the computer that he has locked it up the majority of this past year, when I was there he would take the power cord with him to work, I know one time I took it over for 2 days because he left the password on the desk, smart, he has had it rebooted twice but told me he made sure he gotoff it what he needed, and yes there was something on there that shouldn't have been and that part of the story I cannot get into because it is being investigated.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

trish0603-

You problems stem from very low self-worth and by feeling dependent. If you could make a list of what you want out of life...

What about writing a paragraph or tow about where you would like to be a year form now? If you make it a realistic enough goal, you could work towards it, and in a years time - BINGO, you'd be there


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

:iagree: I'm not sure where you learned to let a man treat you this way but you need to understand and learn what constitutes being in a healthy relationship. RESPECT would be #1. DO NOT get involved with this person again. Also get him to sign away his parental rights and move on without him in your life.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

agreed with Mark and Nurse...The person is toxic...move on, make a list accomplish it, do what is right for you.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

trish0603 said:


> I don't understand how someone can put so much value on his belongings or sex sites over his family. .


I dont understand how you can put so much value on that man !!!
I'd tell him to get lost and move on with my life. I know without a doubt 99% of the male population would be more worthwhile than he is.
Why you choose to keep him in your life says you do not value yourself much. Stop taking him back, get on some good birth control and seek a partner who you can share love and respect with... not the loser you now are involved with.


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## trish0603 (May 17, 2009)

I do go to counseling now. He has told me he does now too but that is only to look good for the courts, because I told him he was unstable, he doesn't think that anything he has done was wrong but I guess with his friends telling him it's okay doesn't help. I let him get to me so bad, I've tried many times to talk to him about a parenting plan and can't even get past the first two minutes, then he starts raising his voice, yelling. He's like dealing with a child.


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## nightshade (Mar 4, 2009)

Bad, bad news. I wouldn't even try talking to him. Get away from him, call a lawyer about what you can do about custody rights. I would not want a child being raised around someone so completely addicted to to sex websites and goes to such great lengths to keep the extent of it secret. You mentioned that there was something on his computer that shouldn't be there - I don't know what that means but that worries me.


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## trish0603 (May 17, 2009)

It worries me as well. He has never spent more than 3 hours alone with our son, and yes it scares me. This week we are going to court, a mediator and I don't know how to pull him aside and tell him the situation because he doesn't know yet that they are in the process of investigating it, if he finds out I'm almost certain he will do something about his computer.


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