# Mid-Life Crisis or Walk-Away Wife Syndrome



## This is me

Married 16 years, thought everything was great, occassional spat, nothing compared to the early days of the relationship. Mid-February she tells me she wants a divorce. I was shocked. This rocked me for weeks and I did all the wrong things afterwards like begging, showing how distraught I was, etc.. She has not left as of yet and we are in counseling, but she refuses to say she loves me and when asked how committed she is to the marriage gives a dull reply of uncertainty.

It has all been up to me to hold this together and work on it, but she is participating to a limited degree. 

They may be the same thing but it seems to me she is suffering from a MLC or WAWS. Not sure. The major changes I noticed in reflecting over the past year was changes in dressing, working out (never did for 16 years), adult braces to correct a barely flawed smile, looking into plastic surgery for the breasts...

If it is one of the two or both, does anyone have advice on how to deal with this?


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## Halien

There are other's here who have provided great advice in similar threads, but I suspect that more information may be needed to get others to chime in. Often, the walk away spouse syndrome is the result of years of unmet needs or unhappiness. Finally, the unhappiness overcomes whatever reasons were keeping them in the relationship, whether it was children or other reasons. Once this decision is made, its hard to get them to be willing to reconsider.

Maybe it would help if you try to provide a little more detail. What have been her issues/complaints in the past? How would you describe the relationship?


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## This is me

She has claimed everything from me being too controlling to not having her needs met for years, although she has not communicated clearly any of what this means or at all till the day she told me she wanted out. 

When asked for an example on how I am controlling she claimed when I asked when I could expect her home from a party, that this was me controlling her. I explained I was only doing this to know if there is a point to be worried, which I probably learned from the parents. She also highlight some arguements from months and years past, that were really not that bad in my eyes, but maybe I am wrong.

I understand she is claiming the unhappiness which really surprises me, because she seems mostly happy, outside of a stressful job and we have spent much time together going to church, walks, vacations, etc. I don't seethe unhappiness.

Almost everyone I know along with myself thought we had a great marriage, which now does not seem like it to either of us. There are no kids so that is not what is keeping her in. I really do not get it, but suspect her older sister who has never been married and regularly in and out of relationships, plus works with her is not giving her the good example that our situation could use.


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## magnoliagal

Is there someone else?


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## This is me

She claims not and I don't believe so.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

She'll completely re-write history if need be to justify any actions on her part. It will seem like you were both in two different marriages - trust me.

Could be MLC (how old is she) or could be that she got fed-up (WAW). 

Is she willing to go to counseling or has she made up her mind that she's just through?

Perhaps a MC or IC could get to the root cause of why she has decided to now make a move to separate from you. Something triggered it. 

I know, at almost 51 I am really reassessing where things are in my life - more so than at any other age. I guess because while I realize I have more life to live, I'm not heading up the upside of that hill anymore - I've topped it and am going down the otherside and I want to be happy for the time I have left.

Perhaps this is where she is too?


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## scdmack

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> She'll completely re-write history if need be to justify any actions on her part. It will seem like you were both in two different marriages - trust me.


THIS. 

My wife has rewritten our entire marriage as well as our relationship prior to our marriage. 

My guess is she is having an EA or PA. I hope i'm wrong however. Do you have a copy of your phone bill? Can you see if she's been texting or calling anyone?


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## workindad

Sounds like there is some one else. The first response from many cheaters is a lie. Do you have access to her cell phone, FB, etc?


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## This is me

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> She'll completely re-write history if need be to justify any actions on her part. It will seem like you were both in two different marriages - trust me.
> 
> Could be MLC (how old is she) or could be that she got fed-up (WAW).
> 
> Is she willing to go to counseling or has she made up her mind that she's just through?
> 
> Perhaps a MC or IC could get to the root cause of why she has decided to now make a move to separate from you. Something triggered it.
> 
> I know, at almost 51 I am really reassessing where things are in my life - more so than at any other age. I guess because while I realize I have more life to live, I'm not heading up the upside of that hill anymore - I've topped it and am going down the otherside and I want to be happy for the time I have left.
> 
> Perhaps this is where she is too?


She just turned 46 and seems to be showing signs of realizing her mortality. I have faced the fact we do not live forever for a long time, but I think she is now waking to the fact.

The rewriting of history has happened and the only memories from her are of the bad times, where as mine are 98% all good times. Bizarre. 

We are using a MC although not sure how helpful he is. The sad thing is that she is thinking moving on may make things better without trying to work on it. Glass half empty.


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## This is me

No evidence on phone records of texting or strange calls.


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## johnboy63

Was she very sexual when you were dating/newly weds? Maybe she wants some excitement in her life that has long gone? Not saying you aren't satisfying her needs sexually but sometimes guys forget that women need romance and usually have a strong sex drive well in to their old age. Sometimes us guys neglect that. Sounds to me as a MLC considering she has started working out an has become more image conscious. I hate to turn the tables on you but what about yourself? Are you still the man she fell in love with years ago or have you let yourself go? Maybe you should share time together working out, dieting, dressing better, etc. Take her out dancing, get a hotel suite, and pop a Viagra! Try to meet her halfway and let her know if you are willing to change with her.


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## This is me

johnboy63 said:


> Was she very sexual when you were dating/newly weds? Maybe she wants some excitement in her life that has long gone? Not saying you aren't satisfying her needs sexually but sometimes guys forget that women need romance and usually have a strong sex drive well in to their old age. Sometimes us guys neglect that. Sounds to me as a MLC considering she has started working out an has become more image conscious. I hate to turn the tables on you but what about yourself? Are you still the man she fell in love with years ago or have you let yourself go? Maybe you should share time together working out, dieting, dressing better, etc. Take her out dancing, get a hotel suite, and pop a Viagra! Try to meet her halfway and let her know if you are willing to change with her.


Shortly after being married it was obvious that sex was a low priority in her life. I on the other hand am the romantic and high drive. Does a proposal at the Eiffel tower give a clue on me? I have asked if there is anything we could be doing different for her needs in this area and according to her nothing. 

When she started working out last year, I did as well. I have always been fit and this only made me look better. I am 51 and she commented recently that I look like I am in my 30's. So this is likely not the issue. 

She knows I am willing to work at what ever it is to make this right, so I can only distill this down to a MLC or something else.


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## Runs like Dog

She knows you will put up with nearly anything. Me too. My wife knows precisely what I will tolerate. And just to be clear I don't put any credence in this mid life thing. I think it's a myth. What happens is that people just get worn out pretending they care about you. It's been what? 15 years or more and they're thinking "Well I've treated them like **** all these years and they still don't leave, I guess it doesn't matter what I do to them anymore and I don't care if they know it."


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## Hicks

Well, I would not worry about labels of MLC or WAW . What it is is that wives will grow tired of their life unless you give them daily emotional stimulation and connection.

The answer to this is you have to learn how to be attractive to a woman. A woman does not find a man attractive if he badly needs her and asks her what he can do to make things better. A woman does not find it attactive if a man has to beg her to say I love you or even express the need for her to "love" him.

Your attitude has to go to the following. You will attract your woman if you act reasonable. For example, if your woman says I'm not sure I want to be with you any more... The "reasonable" answer is if you don't want to be here, the door is this way. The "wrong" answer is "I need you so bad I want to cry". She needs to see you acting like the picture of a man, and a man does not put up with craziness.

The bottom line is you have to behave and act in such a way that you attract her to you, and decide if that does not work you will attact another fine woman to you. You have to show her you are a great guy and don't care whether it is her or another woman that gets to experience life with you. You have to become the seller and not the buyer. You cannot beg, ask, talk your way back into a good marriage with her.


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## AFEH

This is me said:


> The rewriting of history has happened and the only memories from her are of the bad times, where as mine are 98% all good times. Bizarre.


I actually think this is where a person, any person, does themselves a very great disservice. It used to really cut me up deep inside when my wife came out with something bad out of the “blue” from 10 or 20 years ago. If she ever spoke about the past all she ever did was to bring up something bad about it. Plus although it was based on some truth it got way distorted over the years she’d kept it in her mind.

It cut me up so much I actually began to fear what she was going to come out with next. Separation has done wonders for me. I took the time to write our relationship history as I saw it. I like recalling good memories, but as I was writing it triggered bad memories for me. I wrote these bad memories separately from the good. What I realised was that I’d “forgotten” the bad I’d got from my wife. And I could see just like her I too could have kept focus on my bad memories instead of my good ones.

Not so long ago I sent my wife my good memories. Guess what? Yes she could recall the good memories as well (a lot were “forgotten") and more of her own,

So don’t let your wife’s “problem” take away your good memories. Write them all down. Chronologically worked for me from the day I first saw her. In my case that was way back in 1968. Those memories are still there and they will bring you comfort. Like me you may want to send them to your wife.

I refuse to spend anymore time with my wife. Why should I when I know for a fact that in another ten years or so she’d still be looking back on the bad no matter what good I’d brought into her life.

Bob


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## MarriedWifeInLove

This is me said:


> She just turned 46 and seems to be showing signs of realizing her mortality. I have faced the fact we do not live forever for a long time, but I think she is now waking to the fact.
> 
> The rewriting of history has happened and the only memories from her are of the bad times, where as mine are 98% all good times. Bizarre.
> 
> We are using a MC although not sure how helpful he is. The sad thing is that she is thinking moving on may make things better without trying to work on it. Glass half empty.


Also, moving on will get her the same result if she hasn't recognized what her "role" was in the current situation she finds herself in.

She is destined to repeat them.

Change MC if the one you have isn't moving anything forward. If you're stuck in a stalemate - you need a different MC to shake things up.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

scdmack said:


> THIS.
> 
> My wife has rewritten our entire marriage as well as our relationship prior to our marriage.
> 
> My guess is she is having an EA or PA. I hope i'm wrong however. Do you have a copy of your phone bill? Can you see if she's been texting or calling anyone?


My husband has completely rewritten parts of our marriage.

Makes me wonder sometimes if WE were even in the same one?


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Runs like Dog said:


> She knows you will put up with nearly anything. Me too. My wife knows precisely what I will tolerate. And just to be clear I don't put any credence in this mid life thing. I think it's a myth. What happens is that people just get worn out pretending they care about you. It's been what? 15 years or more and they're thinking "Well I've treated them like **** all these years and they still don't leave, I guess it doesn't matter what I do to them anymore and I don't care if they know it."


WOW - that sounds familiar.

Maybe that's exactly where my husband and I are at this point.


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## AFEH

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> My husband has completely rewritten parts of our marriage.
> 
> Makes me wonder sometimes if WE were even in the same one?


It's our alternate realities. It’s to do with the many “spectacles” through which we see and experience life. No two people experience the exact same thing the exact same way, so we have different, alternate, realities. Talk about not being on the same page, for me it felt like not even being on the same continent and sometimes not even the same planet.

Bob


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## This is me

Hicks said:


> Well, I would not worry about labels of MLC or WAW . What it is is that wives will grow tired of their life unless you give them daily emotional stimulation and connection.
> 
> The answer to this is you have to learn how to be attractive to a woman. A woman does not find a man attractive if he badly needs her and asks her what he can do to make things better. A woman does not find it attactive if a man has to beg her to say I love you or even express the need for her to "love" him.
> 
> Your attitude has to go to the following. You will attract your woman if you act reasonable. For example, if your woman says I'm not sure I want to be with you any more... The "reasonable" answer is if you don't want to be here, the door is this way. The "wrong" answer is "I need you so bad I want to cry". She needs to see you acting like the picture of a man, and a man does not put up with craziness.
> 
> The bottom line is you have to behave and act in such a way that you attract her to you, and decide if that does not work you will attact another fine woman to you. You have to show her you are a great guy and don't care whether it is her or another woman that gets to experience life with you. You have to become the seller and not the buyer. You cannot beg, ask, talk your way back into a good marriage with her.


I understand this now. As I stated in the original post, I did all the wrong things never having been in this situation before and being in a state of shock. Since then I have learned about the 180 method and showing her the real me.

In a side note: I have wondered if I did the 180 wrong not fully understanding it. Several weeks after doing it all wrong, I came to my senses and told her I can see we have issues and if she wants out then we should just move forward. She though about it for awhile and then broke down and cried. She insisted we spend the day together, went for a walk, went shopping (more her wish than mine), etc. She even thanked me the next day for spending time with her. 

My fear is that I gave in too soon and did not let her sit with it long enough for it to sink in. Again being the nice guy. Any thoughts on this?


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## AFEH

This is me said:


> I understand this now. As I stated in the original post, I did all the wrong things never having been in this situation before and being in a state of shock. Since then I have learned about the 180 method and showing her the real me.
> 
> In a side note: I have wondered if I did the 180 wrong not fully understanding it. Several weeks after doing it all wrong, I came to my senses and told her I can see we have issues and if she wants out then we should just move forward. She though about it for awhile and then broke down and cried. She insisted we spend the day together, went for a walk, went shopping (more her wish than mine), etc. She even thanked me the next day for spending time with her.
> 
> My fear is that I gave in too soon and did not let her sit with it long enough for it to sink in. Again being the nice guy. Any thoughts on this?


Unfortunately right now you are Plan B in your wife’s future. You are her back-up plan. You are no longer her Plan A.

She will do all sorts of things to keep you onside as Plan B just in case Plan A, her preferred “future” blows up in her face.

The minute she sensed you’d “withdrawn” with the 180 activities there she was reeling you straight back in again.

Bob


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## This is me

AFEH said:


> Unfortunately right now you are Plan B in your wife’s future. You are her back-up plan. You are no longer her Plan A.
> 
> She will do all sorts of things to keep you onside as Plan B just in case Plan A, her preferred “future” blows up in her face.
> 
> The minute she sensed you’d “withdrawn” with the 180 activities there she was reeling you straight back in again.
> 
> Bob


Yep, she has almost gone completely back to the pre- 180 attitudes with some slight adjustments. I assume the 180 is basically a one time try and to do it again would not have the same effect or response, or maybe I am wrong....


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## This is me

Anthony8858 said:


> I did something a little crazy..
> 
> My wife did the "walk away thing" too. Long story, and there was an emotional affair.
> I cried, begged and did ll the things this place told me not to.
> 
> Finally, told her I would give what she wanted, and that was to let HER LEAVE. She slowed down.
> Then she wanted to work things out. As we speak, she still wants to work things out, and I'm going along with it.
> I just booked a vacation, and bought an extra ticket. Instead of assuming she wanted to come along, I asked her if I should save the ticket for her, or go alone to give her some space.
> She decided to come along.
> 
> Here's where I stand right now.
> 
> I let her know that I'm FULLY AWARE of her desire to leave, but will give her the benefit of the doubt to work through it. I feel that 16 years of marriage, warrants a few months of uncertanty.
> It's also a good time to do some soul serching, and find out what went wrong.
> Give her space, and see what she wants.
> 
> The ony part that scares me, is the "new look she's working on". To me, that a cry for attention, and NOT from you.


Yep, her new look is telling me she is trying to draw attention from another or others. I am racking up some big Visa bils on clothing shoes, hairstyle changes, braces and the possible boob job. I think if she is planning to continue on with he bail out plan that she should have to pay for it and not us.


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## Atholk

This is me said:


> Yep, her new look is telling me she is trying to draw attention from another or others. I am racking up some big Visa bils on clothing shoes, hairstyle changes, braces and the possible boob job. I think if she is planning to continue on with he bail out plan that she should have to pay for it and not us.


This is all so she can leave you.

She's trying to increase her Sex Rank relative to yours so she can dump you and try and trade up.

If you let her have a boob job you will never likely have sex with her again. First she will "still be recovering" and then she'll be leaving you.


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## Entropy3000

Ok, on another thread you mentioned she has a co-worker who is 33 and an an ex pro ball player. Please let him be the one to pay for the boob job.

UFB.

When did you find out who the guy was?


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## This is me

Entropy3000 said:


> Ok, on another thread you mentioned she has a co-worker who is 33 and an an ex pro ball player. Please let him be the one to pay for the boob job.
> 
> UFB.
> 
> When did you find out who the guy was?


I heard her mention him a couple of times and when it was obvious she was keeping me away from her work it started to make sense. That is when I found the high number of emails with her asking him to lunch. At the same time I would ask her and she never had time. It is clear to me now. Just not sure how far this has gone.


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## ThinkTooMuch

This is me said:


> I heard her mention him a couple of times and when it was obvious she was keeping me away from her work it started to make sense. That is when I found the high number of emails with her asking him to lunch. At the same time I would ask her and she never had time. It is clear to me now. Just not sure how far this has gone.


It has gone far enough that you are not a part of her future, it is clearly an EA, could be a PA but it doesn't matter. It is that simple, very clear. I'll bet 50 cents that as soon as she is divorced the ball player will head for the hills as far as she is concerned, at which point she may decide you are Plan A again.

My w did not have an EA or PA, she just distanced her self and periodically I'd raise the same concerns I'd been raising for years and she'd pay attention for a few days then revert.

I can't tell you how often my hopes were raised then dashed, I know you are trying to keep your marriage going but she isn't interested and the best MC in the world isn't going to change things.


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## This is me

ThinkTooMuch said:


> It has gone far enough that you are not a part of her future, it is clearly an EA, could be a PA but it doesn't matter. It is that simple, very clear. I'll bet 50 cents that as soon as she is divorced the ball player will head for the hills as far as she is concerned, at which point she may decide you are Plan A again.
> 
> My w did not have an EA or PA, she just distanced her self and periodically I'd raise the same concerns I'd been raising for years and she'd pay attention for a few days then revert.
> 
> I can't tell you how often my hopes were raised then dashed, I know you are trying to keep your marriage going but she isn't interested and the best MC in the world isn't going to change things.



So far I have learned that what I deny hearing on these boards eventlually comes true. What would you have done differently?


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## Entropy3000

This is me said:


> So far I have learned that what I deny hearing on these boards eventlually comes true. What would you have done differently?


This is a tough one. Two things.

1) If our relationships are in good shape it is less likely that our spouses will stray. Few folks have an optimal relationship ... if any so there is always something we can do better here.

2) That said folks just saying I trust my wfie. She would never stray and who do not have their radar up are in danger of missing signs. I am not talking about being obsessive and controlling. BUT, you had a small indicator when she stopped having lunch with you. In hindsight you should have gone into action here. Then again I think this is easy to discount. Also things like this can pop up fast.

Sometimes it is not all about you. You can do all the right things and your spouse still can stray. All you can do is limit that risk. I do believe one can limit it dramtically.
Ultimately it is your wife's issue that she felt free to get involved with this guy.

Some time back I looked into the "His Needs Her Needs" stuff. I learned much from it and use it all the time to at least some extent. Now I am reading "The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011". For me this take up where the HNHN leaves off. Get this book. I think it will help answer some of your questions but more importantly prepare you for your future. With or without your current wife.

I guess I could reread through the thread but above and beyond work lunches has she been staying out late or gone on weekends? Travelling for work? I suppose lunch breaks can take the form of motel visits. Does she go out often with the girls? I am just looking for other signs. I am talking about the signs leading up to her hitting you in the face with a divorce.


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## ThinkTooMuch

This is me said:


> So far I have learned that what I deny hearing on these boards eventlually comes true. What would you have done differently?


Knowing what I know now, I would have been even more explicit. Wrote a letter that would go something like this

Dear Wife,

We cannot pretend any longer that our marriage is going well, we are headed on a path that will lead to divorce unless we make some changes.

I love you and am worried by the distance that has grown between us because of your actions 
1. lk;lk;l;klk;l
2. ;lk;;k
3. l,'l;l

I'm equally certain I'm at fault in your eyes.

I hope you want to make our marriage happy, if you do lets talk about how we can. If you don't lets find a lawyer who prefers mediation to litigation and free both of us from what has become a nightmare.​
Letting her EA/PA fester is not going to work, sweeping crisis under the rug doesn't make them disappear.


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## Jellybeans

This is me said:


> So far I have learned that what I deny hearing on these boards eventlually comes true. What would you have done differently?


Most people say they wish they would have exposed the affair right after finding it out and told their spouse: either it ends or I am done and then seen that consequence through. 

You can't just let an affair keep happening and standing by idly hoping it will fade out. Doesn't work that way.


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## rebootingnow

This is me said:


> They may be the same thing but it seems to me she is suffering from a MLC or WAWS. Not sure. The major changes I noticed in reflecting over the past year was changes in dressing, working out (never did for 16 years), adult braces to correct a barely flawed smile, looking into plastic surgery for the breasts...


Not to hijack, but I find the more I read TAM the more I realize I don't/didn't know about my releationship with my wife. This really could be explaining my wife. Especially about the stuff talking about the past and rewriting our history. Wow. 

Hang in there!


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## This is me

Entropy3000 said:


> I guess I could reread through the thread but above and beyond work lunches has she been staying out late or gone on weekends? Travelling for work? I suppose lunch breaks can take the form of motel visits. Does she go out often with the girls? I am just looking for other signs. I am talking about the signs leading up to her hitting you in the face with a divorce.


Thank you for your response and all the others. It is nice to know I can share this challenging part of my/our life with others.

To answer: No. No late nights out of the ordinary girls night out once a month and other family related things. No Travel. The only area I was kept away from was her office, which is where I travel on a regular basis and used to frequent lunches with her. 

Update: It was suggested on these boards that I contact our MC for a private discussion. We talked today and I shared with him everything I know which points to this guy, the timing, etc.. I respect our MC and he was not telling me what to do but pointed out that I am reactive to this and I should not assume there is anything going on. A part of me agrees with him and knowing this could blow-up a situation that is repairing to some degree has made me decide to sit on my information for now. Being honest with myself, the frustration of knowing she is asking this guy to lunch and avoiding lunch with me looks bad, but may be nothing more than someone she is sharing her issues with. Lets hope with open eyes.


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## Entropy3000

This is me said:


> Thank you for your response and all the others. It is nice to know I can share this challenging part of my/our life with others.
> 
> To answer: No. No late nights out of the ordinary girls night out once a month and other family related things. No Travel. The only area I was kept away from was her office, which is where I travel on a regular basis and used to frequent lunches with her.
> 
> Update: It was suggested on these boards that I contact our MC for a private discussion. We talked today and I shared with him everything I know which points to this guy, the timing, etc.. *I respect our MC and he was not telling me what to do but pointed out that I am reactive to this and I should not assume there is anything going on.* A part of me agrees with him and knowing this could blow-up a situation that is repairing to some degree has made me decide to sit on my information for now. Being honest with myself, the frustration of knowing she is asking this guy to lunch and avoiding lunch with me looks bad, *but may be nothing more than someone she is sharing her issues with.* Lets hope with open eyes.


It is all about validating. You cannot assume nothing happened. Especailly with everything else going on. Not being negative here. Time to validate.

The second bolded area in itself is essentially part of an EA. A woman sharing her issues with a 33 year old ex pro ball player. Ummm. What is good about this?

I do hope for you as well.


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## This is me

Entropy3000 said:


> It is all about validating. You cannot assume nothing happened. Especailly with everything else going on. Not being negative here. Time to validate.
> 
> The second bolded area in itself is essentially part of an EA. A woman sharing her issues with a 33 year old ex pro ball player. Ummm. What is good about this?
> 
> I do hope for you as well.



So how do I validate?


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## Entropy3000

This is me said:


> So how do I validate?


Others have more experience here, but I think I would try and monitor the lunch activities for one.

Maybe a PI is best. This is not extreme under the circumstances.

You may have said it already, buit what do you actully know about this guy? Is he married? What is the business relationship between him and your wife? Just innthe same office or is there more to it. Don't know if that matters but the more information the better.


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## ThinkTooMuch

This is me said:


> Thank you for your response and all the others. It is nice to know I can share this challenging part of my/our life with others.
> 
> To answer: No. No late nights out of the ordinary girls night out once a month and other family related things. No Travel. The only area I was kept away from was her office, which is where I travel on a regular basis and used to frequent lunches with her.
> 
> Update: It was suggested on these boards that I contact our MC for a private discussion. We talked today and I shared with him everything I know which points to this guy, the timing, etc.. I respect our MC and he was not telling me what to do but pointed out that I am reactive to this and *I should not assume there is anything going on*. A part of me agrees with him and knowing this could blow-up a situation that is repairing to some degree has made me decide to sit on my information for now. Being honest with myself, the frustration of knowing she is asking this guy to lunch and avoiding lunch with me looks bad, but may be nothing more than someone she is sharing her issues with. Lets hope with open eyes.


Please look at your words I *bolded*. Don't assume anything, find out the truth. It is certainly possible that they are just friends, and he is listening to her complaints, but it is even more likely it has moved on from friendship. She's asked for a divorce and a boob job, doesn't find you interesting enough to have lunch with.

Move forward on discovering what is going on, raise the issue with her in MC, get a PI, you need to learn the truth, until you do you can't begin to decide how your life will proceed.


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## This is me

Entropy3000 said:


> Others have more experience here, but I think I would try and monitor the lunch activities for one.
> 
> Maybe a PI is best. This is not extreme under the circumstances.
> 
> You may have said it already, buit what do you actully know about this guy? Is he married? What is the business relationship between him and your wife? Just innthe same office or is there more to it. Don't know if that matters but the more information the better.


It is hard for me to determine when they do the lunches and generally seem to be planned same day, sometime they do coffee in the company cafeteria.

She claims he is not married, but has a girlfriend, but hard to believe anything she tells me. They work in different departments and as far as I know, no direct work relation.


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## This is me

ThinkTooMuch said:


> Please look at your words I *bolded*. Don't assume anything, find out the truth. It is certainly possible that they are just friends, and he is listening to her complaints, but it is even more likely it has moved on from friendship. She's asked for a divorce and a boob job, doesn't find you interesting enough to have lunch with.
> 
> Move forward on discovering what is going on, raise the issue with her in MC, get a PI, you need to learn the truth, until you do you can't begin to decide how your life will proceed.


I agree. We are meeting with the MC tomorrow, but will wait till the next one to bring this issue up. Although I did not ask him directly, I got the impression that the MC wants me to discuss this with her alone. I would have thought it should be addressed with him there to referee. Any thoughts?


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