# EA fall out



## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

I found out New Years eve my husband had an EA on this deployment with a sailor on the ship for 2 weeks. He also gave me a love letter he gave to her first then she gave back then he said the feelings were how he felt about me. What the hell does that mean and why the hell should I believe such a load of bull****.

We called Military One Source and have counseling starting next week. But getting threw this weekend is hard. I feel torn open and raw inside and don't want to be around him. He cried harder then I thought anyone would or could, he feels terrible, he is following me around and keeps wanting to be close to me acting like a wounded puppy but I am the one he did this to. I don't want to soften any of this for him. He wants to know if I want to stay, he keeps saying I love you to me and I say thank you. I don't want to give him any more of me to hurt! He also wants to know if I will stay. I said I will work as hard as I can but I refuse to make promises I can't keep, I haven't made up my mind.

I woke up and the first few breaths I took I felt there was a load of bricks on my chest and I had to get out of the house for I went for a 2 hour walk. 

This feels so very weird to be pushing him away, to not have his comfort when I am hurt or sad but how can I accept that from him when he caused all this and how do I not think he will do this again on the next deployment.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Sorry to hear about your trouble honey. My H had a EA that turned PA all in a two month time period, it started while he was away at a school for 5 weeks. Didn't end until he had been home for 3 weeks. I understand your fears, I had the same. My H will be up for a deployment in the summer, has already been on one FTX and has another coming at the end of this month. It really is breathtaking when you have to blindly trust them like that during deployment after they have been unfaithful. I do think that with your H showing you with his actions, and taking responsibility and working on why he would do that, what was going on in the marriage at that time that made him feel it was okay to do that, etc. you might be able to get to a better place. I don't know your timeline very well, did you find out just recently??


----------



## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

I found out new years eve, found 4 emails on his laptop. 2 from him and 2 from her. Not lovey dovey ones but it was clear there was something to them. 

He got back 4 days before Christmas.

We struggled threw 5 months of the deployment and then had a big turn around 2 months before he got back. He says he was scared I was going to divorce him while he was gone because of a few (petty in my eyes) arguments we had. I have always told him to be honest, if he wanted out of our marriage to at least have the decency of ending us before starting anything else.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Hasn't anyone talked to their commanders? Adultery is a court-martial felony in the military!


----------

