# Vagina fear.



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

We have a family member who is now 37 and has not had a partner of any description since he was born. It turn s out he is totally afraid of the vagina ad thinks it might harm him on some way. He keeps saying he is looking for a partner but as soon as friends and family arrange a date for him, he does not go no matter what. My hisband says the family member told him he would like some ideas on how to overcome his fear. 

Any ideas please apart from going to the doctor which he has not done so far. 

What might the cause of this be. He theoretically would like to have a girl friend but he is afraid it may lead to attempts on sex. At first I was laughing as I listened, then I realised my husband was very serious and I found it a sad thing. 

Has anyone heard of such before and can it be treated?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Err... Roofies lol . But seriously just maybe a little dobbie if he is in a reffer free state.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Vajajay phobia???!!!????

Fear the poon???????

I've never heard of it but it might be why this one young bride I knew divorced her husband of only a year. He would not have sex with her.

Maybe he had this phobia?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Did his Mom tell him to stay away from girls private parts. 
Because they had sharp teeth down there?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MaiChi said:


> We have a family member who is now 37 and has not had a partner of any description since he was born. It turn s out he is totally afraid of the vagina ad thinks it might harm him on some way. He keeps saying he is looking for a partner but as soon as friends and family arrange a date for him, he does not go no matter what. My hisband says the family member told him he would like some ideas on how to overcome his fear.
> 
> Any ideas please apart from going to the doctor which he has not done so far.
> 
> ...


Does he masturbate?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Does he want to have sex with women, or is family pushing him to a relationship?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> Did his Mom tell him to stay away from girls private parts.
> Because they had sharp teeth down there?


I have actually hear of this when I was in school. Do people continue to believe such things?
@MaiChi, It sounds like he is not only fearful, but ignorant. It's very odd for someone to be afraid of something that is normally so sought after. He should seek therapy and get educated about the truth.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

He probably just spends too much time on the net...

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/...ck-vagina-dentata-myths-from-around-the-world



> tories of the mythical vagina dentata (Latin for toothed vagina) exist in virtually every culture. While many of these tales are cautionary for men to beware where they put their ****s lest they lose them, other and far more disturbing versions involve non-consensual penetration of women in order to remove said teeth.
> 
> Men's fears of castration compounded by an inherited cultural belief of sexual entitlement function as foundational pillars of masculinity, and patriarchies respond by attempting to control women's "dangerous" sexualities and bodies. Respective wars on women around the world are deeply rooted in the persistent myth of the toothed vagina and what it represents. Here are 10 notable examples from around the world:


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagina_dentata



> Vagina dentata (Latin for toothed vagina) describes a folk tale in which a woman's vagina is said to contain teeth, with the associated implication that sexual intercourse might result in injury, emasculation, or castration for the man involved. The topic of "vagina dentata" may also cover a rare medical condition affecting the vagina, in which case it is more accurately termed a vaginal dermoid cyst.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Why would anyone interfere with a healthy self preservation instinct. My asexual daughter has sex aversion. I don't try to set up dates for her. I support her in the things she IS interested in.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

_"He theoretically would like to have a girl friend but he is afraid it may lead to attempts on sex"_

Being that people are afraid of alllll types of things, I find his fear of the vagina more understandable than I find you trying to help him get over his fear in order to find a girlfriend for what would be a sexless relationship. Finding a woman who also wants a sexless relationship would be easy. They are out there. Probably on some of these dating sites. He doesn't need to get over his fear to find her.

But to get over his fear so that he can meet girls would be disappointing for the girls he meets. So what is the need to help him and why set up some unfortunate women like that? LOL


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

*Here* are some sites you can recommend for him.

You know how when you see someone be seriously hurt, you wince and cringe with pain as if you can feel it to?
That's where your husband is. He knows sex is so good, that he can't imagine this guy living his whole life without it.
So he's trying to help him get some.
But he needs to stop. LOL


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

uhtred said:


> Does he want to have sex with women, or is family pushing him to a relationship?


This. Although he has stated about wanting a relationship, is that because he does, or because he's expected to?

Other things to consider. There are a couple of types of asexuality. For the most part we can divide them into attraction and drive. For people who have an asexual orientation, they aren't sexually attracted to anyone per se. They may still have a sex drive though. For such people they might keep some trusted FWB for release of sexual tension.

There is also those with no sex drive, and no medical reason (such as hormone issues, or menopause, etc). However, this doesn't mean they are not romantically attracted to other people. And of course there are those who have no sex drive or attraction.

So I have to wonder if this young man falls under one of these categories. My first impression is that he wants the romantic side of a relationship, just not the physical sexual side of it. Or that he is feeling pressured to be a certain way, even if others are trying to pressure him in any certain way.

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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Maybe he swings the other way? I.e Vjj’s hold no appeal, but he hasn’t faced that reality?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MaiChi said:


> We have a family member who is now 37 and has not had a partner of any description since he was born. It turn s out he is totally afraid of the vagina ad thinks it might harm him on some way. He keeps saying he is looking for a partner but as soon as friends and family arrange a date for him, he does not go no matter what. My hisband says the family member told him he would like some ideas on how to overcome his fear.
> 
> Any ideas please apart from going to the doctor which he has not done so far.
> 
> ...


Does he have friends who are male?

Does he have friends who are female?

Is he close to, and interact normally, with family members?

Does he have irrational fears of other things?

My take on this is that he is not comfortable around people, especially females, so this is an excuse or the only way he can explain his fear or discomfort around females.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Some (not all) women wear devices that will slash your penis if you penetrate them:

"The myth of the vagina dentata - vagina with teeth - has proved strangely compelling down the centuries, " the Guardian adds," but who would have thought it would become real?"

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wired.com/2007/04/rapestoppers-ra/amp


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Maybe you could set him up with a 60 yo mail order bride? She can cook and clean for him, and sleep in her own bed.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

StarFires said:


> Finding a woman who also wants a sexless relationship would be easy. They are out there. Probably on some of these dating sites. He doesn't need to get over his fear to find her.


Very true. Many women would love a guy like that. He should be upfront in his OLD profile that that’s what he’s looking for.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

CraigBesuden said:


> Maybe you could set him up with a 60 yo mail order bride? She can cook and clean for him, and sleep in her own bed.


What's this about 60 year olds???

My 60th birthday is not too far off. So what are you trying to say? lol


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Maybe he was sexually abused.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MaiChi said:


> We have a family member who is now 37 and has not had a partner of any description since he was born. It turn s out he is totally afraid of the vagina ad thinks it might harm him on some way. He keeps saying he is looking for a partner but as soon as friends and family arrange a date for him, he does not go no matter what. My hisband says the family member told him he would like some ideas on how to overcome his fear.
> 
> Any ideas please apart from going to the doctor which he has not done so far.
> 
> ...


*Let's just say that I'm not nearly as fearful of a vagina as I am it's deceptive owner!

With no deceptive owner present ~ then there's absolutely no worries or apprehension!*


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> We have a family member who is now 37 and has not had a partner of any description since he was born. It turn s out he is totally afraid of the vagina ad thinks it might harm him on some way. He keeps saying he is looking for a partner but as soon as friends and family arrange a date for him, he does not go no matter what. My hisband says the family member told him he would like some ideas on how to overcome his fear.
> 
> Any ideas please apart from going to the doctor which he has not done so far.
> 
> ...


Counselling? I wonder if he was sexually abused?


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

StarFires said:


> What's this about 60 year olds???
> 
> 
> 
> My 60th birthday is not too far off. So what are you trying to say? lol



Not suggesting that women in their 60s aren’t sexy and sexual! Just that my understanding is that mail order bride sites are mostly a bunch of obese, white haired, ugly men in their 50s and 60s seeking sex with thin, young (ideally 18 yo) brides. I figure there must be a lot of mature women who would like to come to the States and would be easy pickings.



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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Interesting that no one has mentioned that my Daughter might be interested in a relationship with MaiChi's family member. Well, we aren't much int match making here. There is about a 10 year age gap, but that could be overcome if there was an intellectual match. I don't know if she would find him non threatening enough. I do know that no romance will happen unless there was "intellectual conversation" that stimulated her. Over and over that is the thing she mentions most as her desire in a relationship. She likes engineers.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Does he masturbate?


I really do not know that. I find the whole thing both funny and sad depending on the angle. For example, what is there to fear? 
I know he likes girls and would like to get married one day.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

uhtred said:


> Does he want to have sex with women, or is family pushing him to a relationship?


He definitely wants to or so has told my husband.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Mr. Nail said:


> Why would anyone interfere with a healthy self preservation instinct. My asexual daughter has sex aversion. I don't try to set up dates for her. I support her in the things she IS interested in.


He has asked for help with dates in the past, then when it comes to it, he simply does not turn up. He has said he prepares to go but chickens out in the end and does not go.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

StarFires said:


> _"He theoretically would like to have a girl friend but he is afraid it may lead to attempts on sex"_
> 
> Being that people are afraid of alllll types of things, I find his fear of the vagina more understandable than I find you trying to help him get over his fear in order to find a girlfriend for what would be a sexless relationship. Finding a woman who also wants a sexless relationship would be easy. They are out there. Probably on some of these dating sites. He doesn't need to get over his fear to find her.
> 
> But to get over his fear so that he can meet girls would be disappointing for the girls he meets. So what is the need to help him and why set up some unfortunate women like that? LOL


We have only just found out that he has this fear. all along he just kept telling us that he had not found the right girl. Just that recently he went with my husband on a long journey taking four hours there and four hours back and they talked a lot about his need of getting married. It then came out that he needs help according to him. Is when he explained why he has not turned up to dates when he had asked for help in finding girls. We did not know the problem till recently.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CraigBesuden said:


> Maybe you could set him up with a 60 yo mail order bride? She can cook and clean for him, and sleep in her own bed.


Hahaha! Mrs. Conan is 59 and still got to trot!:wink2:


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> Does he have friends who are male?
> 
> Does he have friends who are female?
> 
> ...


He has some work friends that he communicates well with, both male and female but it is never on a personal level. Within the family there is nothing unusual about him except he has not had romantic relationships known to anyone. He is clean, well presented, and owns his own house, which is kept clean. Looks after his car very well. No pets. Does not drink or smoke. 

Holds a degree in Computer Science and training in data Security. Nothing unusual about him.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Mr. Nail said:


> Interesting that no one has mentioned that my Daughter might be interested in a relationship with MaiChi's family member. Well, we aren't much int match making here. There is about a 10 year age gap, but that could be overcome if there was an intellectual match. I don't know if she would find him non threatening enough. I do know that no romance will happen unless there was "intellectual conversation" that stimulated her. Over and over that is the thing she mentions most as her desire in a relationship. She likes engineers.


Interesting idea. Do you think either of them might change at some point and cause problems to the other?


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

I’m guessing he might be autistic. I believe there is a correlation between autism and asexuality?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I Think that romantic love moves people more than any social force. Sure a couple of people with strong aversions / fears will always run a risk of triggering. It's more likely than not. Will there be enough romantic connection to get past it? I see that on this side.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Would a sex therapist who allows physical contact be useful in a case like this? I think there are legitimate therapists who incorporate actual sexual contact as part of the therapy. I would not recommend going to a prostitute as there are many ways that can go bad. But an actual therapist presumably would know how to deal with this aversion in a healthy and productive way.

One other limiting factor is that it can be hard for many guys to interact with a woman in a romantic way. If a guy is awkward, shy, etc., then likely he has had many attempts go horribly wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if someone like that has had girls laugh at him, look at him with disgust, etc. He may be manifesting that difficulty with women in general to a self-created fear of the vagina.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

wilson said:


> Would a sex therapist who allows physical contact be useful in a case like this? I think there are legitimate therapists who incorporate actual sexual contact as part of the therapy. I would not recommend going to a prostitute as there are many ways that can go bad. But an actual therapist presumably would know how to deal with this aversion in a healthy and productive way.
> 
> One other limiting factor is that it can be hard for many guys to interact with a woman in a romantic way. If a guy is awkward, shy, etc., then likely he has had many attempts go horribly wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if someone like that has had girls laugh at him, look at him with disgust, etc. He may be manifesting that difficulty with women in general to a self-created fear of the vagina.


As I cannot directly talk to him seeing he has confided in my husband, I will have to suggest this to my husband and hope he can pass it on in an acceptable way. Thanks.


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

I’ve learned from my kids that Comp Sci folks are often introverted. 

The GEEK moniker fits well, socially awkward but extremely intelligent individuals.

Setting up dates is too pressurized. He might want to just get out more and he will organically meet somebody, either in real life or online.
If the meeting is more natural he may ease his fears.
My kids have made some good friends online.

Another thought. Does he have OCD?
Very common in the Comp Sci crowd. 
His obsession may be vj’s and/or surrounding sexual things. OCD takes many forms.
Seriously, counselling may help.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

GAY

No like V. Like D.

Not joking here. Just seems more likely that he is gay and doesnt want to admit it than he is actually afraid of V.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

aquarius1 said:


> I’ve learned from my kids that Comp Sci folks are often introverted.
> 
> The GEEK moniker fits well, socially awkward but extremely intelligent individuals.


As a side note, there is a lot of truth to the old joke:
What is the difference between a geek and a nerd? Geeks get laid.

Geeks are the extraverted ones, nerds the introverted. And yes that has become the definitional difference.

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

CraigBesuden said:


> I’m guessing he might be autistic. I believe there is a correlation between autism and asexuality?


If it's associated with sensory overload, yes. However, asexuality exists in people who don't have autism, and I know a few Asperger's (on the high functioning end of autism) people who are extremely sexual. 

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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Middle of Everything said:


> GAY
> 
> No like V. Like D.
> 
> Not joking here. Just seems more likely that he is gay and doesnt want to admit it than he is actually afraid of V.


I'm going to have to smack you down hard on this one. Most of the damage my daughter is dealing with is PTSD from an entire High School trying to prove she was Homosexual. It is difficult enough to have a phobia or aversion without some ass hat trying to fit you into yet another category that doesn't fit. 

Why is it so freaking hard to accept that someone is different than you? or your preconceived pigeon holes?


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> I'm going to have to smack you down hard on this one. Most of the damage my daughter is dealing with is PTSD from an entire High School trying to prove she was Homosexual. It is difficult enough to have a phobia or aversion without some ass hat trying to fit you into yet another category that doesn't fit.
> 
> Why is it so freaking hard to accept that someone is different than you? or your preconceived pigeon holes?


I realize people are different. I was just putting that out there as a likely possibility. Doing a quick google search 1% of people are asexual. While homosexuals were anywhere from 5-10%? 

So no need to get upset and feel that i am insulting your daughter. Apologies if it came across that way and stirred memories up for you. Just thought it more likely he might be gay and not want to cop to it rather than actually be afraid of Vags.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

More than significantly *less *likely


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

I believe gays are about 3.5% of the population. (That’s 1.8% bisexual plus 1.7% gay/lesbian).

https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/williams-in-the-news/how-many-people-are-gay/


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I don't get this fear of a vagina thing...

.... it's all that other stuff the vagina is attached to that should give him pause about entering into a relationship :wink2:


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

What was the sexual surrogate book, by Johnson and Masters back in the 70s?

There are likely some similar program therapists out there.

It's at least one option, even if unusual.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Might is be something he saw his mother doing when he was little? How does anyone end up fearing something so secretly kept by those females around him? I don't get it.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Did his Mom tell him to stay away from girls private parts.
> Because they had sharp teeth down there?


As others have pointed out, this is a fear that has cropped up through the ages. I don't have any insight, but I will repeat a joke about it.

Some guy who believes the above has avoided sex for that reason, though he's attracted to women. One night he is doing all sorts of foreplay w/ a woman but won't penetrate. Finally she demands to know why not and he confesses his fear. "Oh for god's sake, that's crazy. Look if you don't believe me". He does a cautious pelvic exam and says to her "No, you don't have any teeth in there. And no wonder, your gums are in terrible condition."


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

MaiChi said:


> We have a family member who is now 37 and has not had a partner of any description since he was born. It turn s out he is totally afraid of the vagina ad thinks it might harm him on some way. He keeps saying he is looking for a partner but as soon as friends and family arrange a date for him, he does not go no matter what. My hisband says the family member told him he would like some ideas on how to overcome his fear.
> 
> Any ideas please apart from going to the doctor which he has not done so far.
> 
> ...



Homeopathy have several remedies for traumas and probably have some related especifically to it. He should try it. I'm not kidding!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I just saw this and it is BY FAR my favorite post of the month. 




Mr. Nail said:


> Why would anyone interfere with a healthy self preservation instinct. My asexual daughter has sex aversion. I don't try to set up dates for her. I support her in the things she IS interested in.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

I've never heard of that but he may feel as if he's being forced or coerced into doing something he really isn't comfortable doing, or he could have a serious fear of commitment. Trying to set him up isn't a bad idea, but some people just like to go at their own pace. Whatever the problem maybe, he's going to have to try to work it out himself if he ever wants to get anywhere.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

CraigBesuden said:


> I’m guessing he might be autistic. I believe there is a correlation between autism and asexuality?


And there isba link between autism and high sexuality too.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Well I think it's safe to say having a FEAR of a natural part of humanity is a bit unnatural. 

You can't "fix" something unless you can understand the cause. 

Is this born from anxiety? Does he have problems with anxiety or worse case scenario thinking in the rest of his life?

Is this born of ignorance and miseducation? Has he not been taught basic sex Ed or been indoctrinated to believe sex, and women's vaginas are bad?

Is this simply because he is being pressured to behave in a way that is contrary to his inherit sexuality? Would he be loved and accepted by his family if he was homosexual or a-sexual?

Someone mentioned that women wear "traps" - and qualified it with "not all" - hahahaha oh come on?! Traps! What is this? I violent region of Africa over run by rapist? Women do not wear traps. It's not that "some don't" I would say a miniscule fraction of women on the earth do, a number so tiny it should never be a thought, and certainly not something a well balanced person should ever worry about. 

My vote is a combination of ignorance and anxiety disorder.

Or **** or A sexual. 

I don't think this is something he will be talked out of without professional help. Most children grow up with a natural curiosity about sex - sounds like he is quite off course.


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