# Back after long absence



## rider03

Hello all. I was a very active participant on these forums for years but haven't participated in a few years now. I was married 24 years and divorce was final in June of 2016. Thought I'd drop in and see what's going on in this forum now that I'm single. Have had zero luck on dating sites. I think I'm too old (56 in two weeks) for most women. Lol.

I have two teenage daughters, 19 and 16. The older lives with her mom close-by but for reasons unknown won't interact with me. The younger one moved in with me last May.


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## Decorum

Hello rider03,
Thanks for stopping back in.

Is it possible your ex has lied to your 19 year old daughter?

I have two daughters (and 2 boys) youngest is one of my daughtes at 23.

They want their independence for sure but to not interact affectionately is I think untypical. 

The other possibility is some kind of emotional black mail from your ex, i.e. the silent treatment from her mom, or withdrawal, if she does not identify with and mirror her mothers antipathy.

As far as dating, if you talk kindly and show interest in a women you should get some indicators of interest back.

Especially if you are confident, organized, competent, have goals, and your finances are in order.

Not necessarily on dating sites but in person you should be able to pull from decent women 40 and up.

Intelligence and kindness are almost as important as looks at this point. (I'm a few years older than you).

Anyway I wish you well, hope you enjoy your time back at TAM.


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## Thor

Hey, Rider, welcome back.

I'm a couple of years older than you. Lots of bat**** crazy on the online dating sites for sure! I've given up for now with that. Meetup is a good way to meet people socially irl, though I've not met anybody I'd be interested in dating yet.

There are plenty of women in the 45-60 yr old range on the online sites, and I do generate interest there. But as a conservative (actually Jeffersonian libertarian) I find almost all of the prospects self-disqualify with comments about progressive politics. If all I was looking for was fwb or short term f-buddies it would be no problem to have success with online dating. Age doesn't seem to be an issue other than the women I am attracted to are generally younger than me, and they have lots of options with men their age. Fwiw my age range is 45-60, but most women over about 50 are overweight or liberal activists.


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## minimalME

Thor said:


> ...but most women over about 50 are overweight or liberal activists.


Most, but not all.


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## Bananapeel

You're not too old to date, if it is something you want to do. Don't let the lack of success online sway you because those sites are setup to favor women. Most people do much better just being social and active and meeting people that way.


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## rider03

Thanks for the suggestions. Part of my problem is I work in a large city but I live in a smaller town 45 minutes away. So all of the women in the big city think I'm "too far" away and the choices are much less where I live. I also find that I'm not attracted to the personalities of women my age. They seem to be very set in their ways and have a chip on their shoulder about something. And I agree about the political profiles on dating sites. I pass them right by if I read that crap. I don't care which side they're on.

I'm a great guy. I know I am. I was a great husband and father. But I'm no George Clooney when it comes to looks and money. Which is the way you're immediately judged on dating sites. I am trying to get out there and be around people more. I took a solo trip to Disney World last month and surprisingly had a good time. And met other people that were there alone.

I think it's that old adage "When you're looking you'll never find anyone."


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## Bananapeel

Rider, it almost sounds like you are making excuses to justify your lack of success. For most people in a big city driving 45 minutes is less time then they'd spend driving across town during traffic, and being out of the big city is often a welcome reprieve from the chaos of their hectic life. I also live outside of a major city and women love hanging out at my place because it is so peaceful. The political thing is actually kind of funny. It's OK to date people with a different political viewpoint than you have. My GF and I are polar opposites and can't discuss politics at all. But that just gives us more time to do other activities together. What I'm saying is don't limit yourself and instead keep your options open and start looking for the positives in those situations rather than the negatives; you want to radiate positive energy and optimism because it is an attractive characteristic. 

As far as the looks and money, they are important and that is something you just have to accept and work within your limits. But there are a lot of things that are equally or more important. Plus you can change your looks and money, if you wanted to. An updated wardrobe, some grooming tips, and time exercise can help with the looks. Looking at your career path and making changes can help with the money. But, the #1 thing that most women like is confidence, and accepting who you are and not letting that bother you goes a long way for the confidence. 

Maybe you can find some local hobbies to engage in rather than travel to distant locations? What do you like to do? Are you actively involved in your community so that people know who you are?


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## Ynot

rider03 said:


> Hello all. I was a very active participant on these forums for years but haven't participated in a few years now. I was married 24 years and divorce was final in June of 2016. Thought I'd drop in and see what's going on in this forum now that I'm single. Have had zero luck on dating sites. I think I'm too old (56 in two weeks) for most women. Lol.
> 
> I have two teenage daughters, 19 and 16. The older lives with her mom close-by but for reasons unknown won't interact with me. The younger one moved in with me last May.


I was married 24 years as well and divorced in 2014 as a 54 year old man. At that time. I imagined myself as a washed up has been. Since that time I have found the exact opposite to be true. Many women seek out older men who take care of themselves and are physically and socially active. You do not have to be George Clooney to place yourself in the upper echelons of the post 50 age group. 

Since my divorce I have met, dated and had relationships with more women, than I ever did before I got married.

I have no intention of ever getting married again and I have met many women who feel the exact same way. They simply want to date, have fun (and sex) but remain independent. 

In fact (I know I will get blasted for this) at this point in my life, I have found that many of the people (men and women) in my age group who do still want to get married typically fall into one of two categories (with a lot of overlap between them). The first group are the religious zealots who think that sex only happens within the confines of marriage and the second are truly desperate people who want to lock someone down before some else snags them away, mainly because they are insecure in themselves and need the crutch of another to support them. No thanks to either.


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## sczinger

Ynot said:


> Since my divorce I have met, dated and had relationships with more women, than I ever did before I got married.



I agree with Ynot. I've only been divorced 9 months. I started dating waaaayyy to soon but I approached it just to have fun. I just turned 58 in September. I've found that the "game" speeds up for both the male and female participants. No beating around the bush when asking someone out. I've had no problems dating women my own age and as young as 40, just for fun, nothing serious. But yes, there are some crazies out there... This is a blast!!! She gave me a gift.


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## Hope Shimmers

Oh come on, guys. Really? 

So to hear all of you say it.... women over 50 are either: 1) religious zealots who hate sex; 2) women who are completely insecure and want to hang on you every minute of every day because they can't stand up on their own two feet; or.... and what was the other one? Oh.... 3) left-wing liberal activists who can't talk about or focus on anything else.

Boys, I think you need to get out more. lol


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## BluesPower

Hope Shimmers said:


> Oh come on, guys. Really?
> 
> So to hear all of you say it.... women over 50 are either: 1) religious zealots who hate sex; 2) women who are completely insecure and want to hang on you every minute of every day because they can't stand up on their own two feet; or.... and what was the other one? Oh.... 3) left-wing liberal activists who can't talk about or focus on anything else.
> 
> Boys, I think you need to get out more. lol


Wow, I have not kept up with all of this thread, did somebody really say that. 

Guys, if you are thinking that way, I have to tell you that is not how it is at all. Women over 50, LOTS of them, have fantastic sex drives, even after menopause. 

So let me help you out with that, if that is what you have been seeing, the you need to do something different. 

That is not how it actually is...


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## jlg07

@rider03, did you ever find out why your other daughter won't talk with you? Have you asked the daughter who lives with YOU why she is like that?


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## BarbedFenceRider

Maybe location does make some of the "parameters" for dating a little rough for these gentlemen. I know in my area, if I do get divorced. I have a plethora of really MAD and man hating overweight females to choose from. lol

And if I was older like you guys...The weight and general health would be a issue as well. I would probably be re-locating to a more positive enviornment for social interaction. Like you said, your kids are adults now so, your good there. I would like to spend time with DD, and find out how to mend the fences and build some sense of family back. Even if it is a split one!


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## Livvie

Am I understanding that people see many overweight females 50 plus, but the guys in this age range are slim and fit?

That's not what I see, overweight females but males in good shape.


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## Hope Shimmers

Livvie said:


> Am I understanding that people see many overweight females 50 plus, but the guys in this age range are slim and fit?


Not where I live.


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## Bananapeel

Livvie said:


> Am I understanding that people see many overweight females 50 plus, but the guys in this age range are slim and fit?
> 
> That's not what I see, overweight females but males in good shape.


It's both genders that are overweight and it starts way before 50! Too much food and not enough gym time hits people starting usually in their early 30's and then just gets worse each decade for a good portion of the US population. Those of us that eat healthy and have an active and fit lifestyle are in the minority, regardless of gender.


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