# How soon is too soon?



## Waiting (Mar 2, 2009)

Long story short, my boyfriend and I would have been together six years this July. We got engaged in November of 09 and bought a house in March of this year. We started having a lot of problems shortly after buying the house. He became an alcoholic and started partying constantly; in bars and bringing people to our home. I feel like I lost my best friend because he has totally become a different person and our relationship has completely changed. We have since separated. I am so angry with him because I feel like he has ripped away the last six years of my life plus the future I had planned to spend with him and the family we could have had. As i said, I am very bitter and angry with him. Right now i feel like going out and picking up some random guy and just having fun. Ladies, have any of you ever been in this situation? I don't think I could actually go through with it; I've been with my ex-fiance since I was sixteen and I was only with one person before him, i'm not the kind of girl that randomly 'hooks up'. I'm just so angry and I feel like doing something crazy. Is this wrong?


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

yea umm. you're only going to feel like trash after doing something like that. Its childish and even if he knows... doesnt resolve a thing so stop it!


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

No, it's not wrong to feel that way, and it's not uncommon either. You have joined the ranks along with scores of millions of relationships that come to an end. Just think about the insanely high divorce rate. Each person feels its the other person's fault, and their hopes and dreams were also destroyed. Many of them have even more invested than you do. There are families/children, businesses, many other things they spent their lives building together. That's a whole lot of anger and bitterness going on. Somebody wants to hurt somebody. Someone wants to get even with the other person. Some also experience strong urges to do something crazy. Ordinarily, better judgment prevails.....or divine intervention.

I dated a guy who mistreated me the way so many women on these boards complain about. I'm just not the type to put up with it. After three months of crooking my head trying to get with his ridiculous sense of logic, I left him and promised myself to make him pay. I planned to pour soda pop into his computer but when I got to his house, the computer was gone. I stood there in total shock and couldn't believe I would not be able to carry out the perfect revenge. Honestly, nothing would have stopped me. That's just how angry I was. But, I ended up (and still am) extremely happy he had taken the computer away to use at his place of business. I had known this guy literally all my life and we were best friends for 13 years. Stupid that we decided to become a couple, but stupid only because he was a very different and very mentally and verbally abusive boyfriend, nothing like the person I had ever known him to be. Not just me, but no one else either. Everyone loved him, in fact. He was the classic narcissistic-jekyl/hyde personality that nobody understands until they experience it. Not long later, I was able to forgive him (not that he asked for forgiveness) because he began calling me and being his old self again. So we went back to being best friends. I still value our friendship to this day, and that's the reason I'm glad I was not able to carry through with my plan. It wasn't worth it in the grand scheme of things. 

What you're thinking of doing will not benefit anyone and won't get back at your ex either. It will probably be something you live to regret for a very long time. Unless you have divine intervention like I did, there is no telling what will happen to you. The better idea is to find a way to calm yourself. You might still be angry, but you shouldn't feel so manic and anxious after a couple days of taking your mind completely off him and present circumstances. There are only two ways to do that - sleep straight through, which isn't possible, or pick up a good book. We women love page-turners and great endings. If you don't know of any, ask someone who reads regularly to recommend one for you. I did that after a breakup (different boyfriend). I wasn't anxious or angry or anything, but I loved him. Despite loving him, I didn't want to be with him. The relationship simply was not working, and I needed something to take me away. Calgon didn't work for long enough LOL. I asked my mom for a good book and lost myself in the one she suggested. It was great - both the book and getting my mind off of him. I didn't have to fight the urges to call him. Didn't have to fight the urges to answer his phone calls. There weren't any urges because I was completely engrossed in that book. When I finally closed it and lifted my head from the pages, Lady Diana was getting married, and boyfriend was a distant memory.

Just don't get any of those books by politicians' wives. So many of them on he shelves right now, but those awful stories ring too close to home for you. You need something much more uplifting, or at least not dragging you down. If not a book, then find another way to center yourself. Yoga classes perhaps, but find something. This too will pass, but you don't want to mark this episode of your life with something incredibly stupid. Sorry about your breakup and I don't mean to sound flippant, but if you live life long enough, this probably won't be the first one. Now you have a chance to do and experience all the things you didn't since you were a teenager in love. Love will come again.....and again. Just watch and see.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

the rage is completely understandable.


I have rage issues, I take them out in strange ways. After my latest problem with my husband I have had so many suggestions from people of what they would do to get back and while I haven't taken anyone up on them (I can't be that mean) I did go about my own revenge.

One night, I went to the bar while he was at work, and didn't call until an hour after he got out of work....I was also with a normal friend that I'm always with..within walking distance from our home...and then invited him down to the bar with us.

me and my spite 

ultimately you have to find something else to do, yesterday after sitting here for hours not eating, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, in tears, my friend came and stole me from my house, fed me, and we just talked for 6 hours.

I also broke down on the phone with my mom, and blared some Marilyn Manson to make me feel better. until today, I had been progressively worse, progressively more angry and hurt and was keeping it all to myself. Let someone be an ear to you about everything...EVERYTHING I went from the women my husband has become infatuated with over the years, every single thing he's ever kept from me, to talking about churnobyl and how I'd like to visit Pipyat some day to talking about my dog and cats and fish.

It helped... a lot. a lot a lot, and I was able to screw my head back on and figure out how to move foreward from this.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Do you want him back?


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## dsfg_lover_001 (Jul 4, 2010)

Hey ,I understand how you feel.But want to let you know that being angry is not the thing solve the problem.Knowing your BF is not about how long you guy been dated about understand.Maybe you just never really know which side is real of him.So go talk to him and figure out things together,if still nothing changed i think you will know what to do.Well thanks for sharing.


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