# Get over a lie??



## sunshine31 (Feb 1, 2010)

I am pretty much 100% sure that my husband just lied to me over and over again. Here is the story. I was looking at Facebook and saw that he friended his exgirlfriend, and I said, isn't that your ex?....he smiled and said yes. So I started to jokingly say "oohh, hunny...don't you know thats a marriage no no". And then he says he didn't friend her. I said, well then you must have asked to be her friend. He then tells me to drop it. I say it's no big deal that he's friends, I just wanted to see her profile pics....he says if its no big deal then to just drop it. 
Ok, so to make a long story short, i go out to talk to him later and tell him that if I never asked to be somebodies friend and they never asked me to be thiers, i'd be really shocked when somehow magically I ended up being friends with an ex. He again keeps telling me that if I don't care if thier friends, then what does it matter? What matters to me is that I feel like I am completely being lied to!!!! I told him that it's just really hard to believe, i'm just worried about his reaction and the feeling that i'm not beieng told the truth. He gets pissed and says I called him a liar and that i'm blowing nothing into something big. 
So basically now i have the choice of to let it go and pretend that I believe him and be all happy hunky dori....or continue to let it eat at me. Actually, tthose both suck. I am not a jealous person and he would never say I am. I care about the lie, not the friendship.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

No. It's a big deal. You should never be friends with an ex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> No. It's a big deal. You should never be friends with an ex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep. Mine friended an "old friend" on FB. 2 mos later they were in love.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I am friends with two exes on FB.

There is no "there" there. Nada. Granted, we dated over 10 years ago.

I also didn't lie to my husband about it or hide it. I'm so head-over-heels for my husband, and he knows it.

Maybe your husband truly just wanted to see what was going on with her? I don't know. See, I trust myself but i don't trust others with this stuff. lol. I know i have no bad intentions, but I can't say others feel the same way.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I am friends with two exes on FB.
> 
> There is no "there" there. Nada. Granted, we dated over 10 years ago.
> 
> ...


I admit I'm jaded on the subject. I saw the guy and thought " I've got nothing to worry about". Wrong.


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## sunshine31 (Feb 1, 2010)

I am not worried about him cheating. The being friends with an ex is the least of my worries. It's how he says it just happened and he has no idea how. I feel like it's a complete lie. Any thoughts on thtat part?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> I admit I'm jaded on the subject. I saw the guy and thought " I've got nothing to worry about". Wrong.


Yea, I would be jaded too because I know my husband's ex LOL.

However, my exes and I don't chat or anything...but I like seeing pics of their kids and stuff.

I don't have many friends on FB...maybe 40. 

Like I said, I have no bad intentions. If I even thought for a MOMENT something could happen, i would delete. I've made that mistake once, 10 years ago...never again.

My exes and I have been on each other's pages for about 2 years now. Nothing has happened lol.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Then tell him it WASN'T a big desk until he MADE it a big deal. There is no place for secrecy in a marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Then tell him it WASN'T a big desk until he MADE it a big deal. There is no place for secrecy in a marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yea, that's how I feel about it. When they start acting squirrely about something, that's when you know something is a big deal.


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## sunshine31 (Feb 1, 2010)

He says it's not secrecy....that he's being honest. I just don't believe it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

sunshine31 said:


> He says it's not secrecy....that he's being honest. I just don't believe it.


What do you think he's doing? Can you get into his FB and check?


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Stupid autocorrect. Lol. Not big desk. Big " deal"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sunshine31 (Feb 1, 2010)

I honestly don't think he is doing anything. I just think that he was curious about where she was so asked to be her friend. Not a big deal as if he had just said that we would be looking over pictures right now and having a good night instead of a really crappy one. I just don't believe that he has no idea how they ended up being friends on FB. I just don't want to be lied to.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sometimes people lie stupid lies to not get into trouble.

You know he was curious and asked to befriend her. Or maybe she did. One of them did.

You know this.

Now you decide if you want to just let this go (cause it's silly) or let it fester.

I would keep tabs on it though, if you feel something could happen.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Well. I can tell you two scenarios. And at least one of them will be 100 percent accurate.

She friended him. He accepted.

He friended her. She accepted.

Now, I had this habit of selecting "accept" on ever friend request I got, without looking at the name. So there is THAT possibility. 

Took me hours to clean up my Facebook.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

sunshine31 said:


> He says it's not secrecy....that he's being honest. I just don't believe it.


And there in lies the rub... its your choice. Will choose to investigate this to the hilt to ease your mind...snooping and spying for an answer you may or may not get... will you ever be satisfied???... or let it go.. but keep your eyes open??


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

I understand how you feel about being lied to about something that you know is an absolute lie. My H does it too. Personally, in my situation, I let him know that those petty lies really rub me the wrong way and then just keep my eyes open.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Personally, I wouldnt take the chance. No exes on Facebook.

That's how my wife found her boyfriend. Hey! He was an ex too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lonesomedove (Apr 25, 2011)

sometimes u get friend requests and u accidently click accept cause they change facebook so many times its unreal. to be fair just tell him what you feel. If your going to have an open honest relatonship stop playing word games and say whats really on your mind. Tell him look im sorry if all this is bothering you well its eating me up inside to. I dont want us to lie or have to feel like we have to lie to each other to not hurt feelings (yes somelies are good but not big lies ex: good lie: does my butt look big his reply no bad lie are you watching porn he replies no but really is.) you need to have a good foundation for communication where you can openly talk and not fight and compromise. you need not to accuse him of lying but tell him i feel you might be with holding some things from me about your friend i want you to know that i understand why because you might think i would be upset or jealous. i just want you to know i dont mind you being friends with your ex just try and keep me in the loop of your life that is all i ask. i want us to be able to be open and talk to each other with no fighting. to start this process you need to speak your mind if you have a question about something he did then ask it just not in a hostel voice. ask him and when he tells you things even if you dont like it dont jump at him just tell him ok i understand i just want you to know that hurts my feelings but im thankful you told me. every woman thinks they need to plunder at there man when they do wrong this causes thme to be more sneaky and hide things and eventually hate them for it. if we were more understanding and not trying to control our men they would be more open with us. Hope this helps


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

The minute my H lies to me about a female is the same minute I ask him to remove her from his life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Yea, that's how I feel about it. When they start acting squirrely about something, that's when you know something is a big deal.


Too bloody right! :iagree:

Here's something...I don't need to surround myself with ex's to prove my self worth or to prove anything to anyone else. I'm with my husband now, and marriage is hard enough without inviting trouble through your own front door...

To those of you who are friends with all your exes and your wife/husband doesn't care at all, good for you. The majority DO care and I've got a feeling the ones who say they don't are full of sh*t.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> The minute my H lies to me about a female is the same minute I ask him to remove her from his life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Brilliant! You're the wife after all! Why would he put some 'has been' ahead of you? Pffft!


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> The minute my H lies to me about a female is the same minute I ask him to remove her from his life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well said. My thought is not necessarily that he is her friend, or even how he got to be her friend, but that he is defensive about it. If there is nothing to hide then why be defensive? 

Although, I may be somewhat jaded. My exh added his exgf (of over 20+ years) just so he could look at her family pictures. A couple years later I received a fb message stating that she had been having an on and off affair with him and sleeping with him every time he was in town. He traveled close to her a couple times a year for work.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Either she friended him or he friended her.... That is the only way it works.


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## Daniyah (Jul 10, 2011)

I have both my exes on my facebook. Ive known both of them since high school. We dont chat or send private messages. Sometimes we will comment on each other's wall, picture, or whatever, but thats about it. My husband trusts me 100%. Hes never even asked me about the facebook friendships. And if I run into either of them I stop and chit chat for a few minutes. It really depends on how you both feel and your boundaries. What works in one marriage might not work in another.

It comes down to your gut feeling. If you think somethings up, then find out. Dont settle for his answers that dont make sense to you. Ease your mind before it destroys you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daniyah (Jul 10, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Too bloody right! :iagree:
> 
> Here's something...I don't need to surround myself with ex's to prove my self worth or to prove anything to anyone else. I'm with my husband now, and marriage is hard enough without inviting trouble through your own front door...
> 
> To those of you who are friends with all your exes and your wife/husband doesn't care at all, good for you. The majority DO care and I've got a feeling the ones who say they don't are full of sh*t.


Actually, some genuinely dont care. And not all exes end up having an affair. Sometimes an ex is really just an ex. Its different with every individual and relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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