# Guess I've figured it out..now just advice please??



## feelinglost18 (Oct 22, 2010)

So I think I have found out the reason why my wife left. (See my other thread "Physically, emotionally exhausted...") Turns out she joined the dating sites I mentioned in that thread..but is using it to meet other women. Now I knew that she had been with women before me. No big deal. Until now. I feel so lost..betrayed. She really didn't even give our marriage a chance when I came home from Iraq. And now I'm sort of stuck. I pay EVERY bill for this house, to include the mortgage, on top of my car and everything for my son. Now I'm worried what all I'm going to lose when it's all said and done. And being in the military...I can't exactly go out and meet someone like she is starting to do. I feel so ****ed over. Like I can't have ANY happiness. Even going out to dinner with a woman would make me happy. Not looking for sex and all that, just some companionship. Hell, even a date here and there with other women or something. It's been 3 months and I'm tired of being miserable. UGH.....

And I do believe that I would be OK going out as long as I don't have sex with anyone until we're 100% through (I mean on the military side of things...).

**For the record, she has already said she has no plans to work on our marriage...so I guess it's dead **


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

First off, if I didn't say this in your other post, thank you Sir for your service for our Country, it is appreciated. Obviously it seems during your time overseas, you sacraficed more than just time, your marriage seems to be over...sorry for that...

I would agree that any new intimate relationship probably needs to wait until your out of the service, would hate to get close to someone and get sent overseas again and have the cycle just repeat itself...also, it sounds like being intimate for you is a major step up for you, you just won't sleep with anyone unless your heart is in it...kudos for you again!

but, there is no reason why you still can't go out and have fun, enjoy life..I know you work hard, so don't be afraid to play hard too...

Maybe even go out on a double date with your wife and her girlfriend...oh wait, sorry...going out with 3 women would be my fantasy...nevermind...

good Luck, God Bless and thanks again...


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## feelinglost18 (Oct 22, 2010)

LMAO at the double date hahaha too funny. Yea I mean with being legally married still just seems weird to try and take a girl out even just for dinner or a drink (although my wife seems to be fine with stuff like that since was with another man for New Year's..says that it was a group, but I found a tag in MY car with his name on it..so he was driving at some point). I DEFINITELY don't want anything intimate right now..first I'd have to go through the divorce process and make it final, then try to trust someone again :/. I just feel like since I was gone for a year, knew something just wasn't right back home, and dealing with all of this for the last 3 months (4, if you include the month before I came home and she dumped all this on me, leaving me wondering what was going to happen when I got back...) that I'm entitled to some happiness. Which for me would sort of be dating. Nothing serious..just casual dates or whatever. I've been lonely, though married, for well over a year. While on my R&R from Iraq, even then things weren't normal. She said the only reason she really did sexual things while I was home for those 2 weeks was because she felt bad, and had to drink to get herself to do it. So it's been just close to a year that she's felt this way. Guess I feel it's my turn to live a little...I mean while we were still dating and through marriage, I had ZERO female friends, just to avoid any potential drama. Like I said...nothing intimate...just some companionship and someone to be around. Guess I should get these papers going...


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

When you file I guess is up to you...do you feel like everything you could have done, has been done...is it totally over??? living with what-ifs sucks...know that I've tried everything is the only way I could ever find faith in love again...

Luckily, my wife and I have agreed we still have a lot to do, to work on, before we see a lawyer...mostly it is in her hands right now how we go forth from here, she has to heal some, build self-esteem, then we move forward...sucks right now cause I can't really do anything for "us"...just me right now...

good luck, go out with friends and have fun...who knows, once she hears that you have a life without her, she might come limping back...


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## feelinglost18 (Oct 22, 2010)

So there was this girl that worked at a restaurant in the food court that I went to today...and she seemed like she was interested. Constant smiling, long eye contact...well I went back to giver her a piece of paper with my name and number and a note saying to text me sometime. Unfortunately, she was gone when I went back. I have my receipt and it has her name on it for waiting on me. Would it be weird/creepy to call the place, ask for her, tell her what happened and that I wanted to still give it to her? **Just want to be friends with her!** She had these amazing blue eyes that had me thinking about her the whole ride home...


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