# Bi Husband



## MarriedToBi (Mar 28, 2016)

I've known about my husband sexuality since we've been together so I guess I can't have an issue with it but I do. I will try and talk to him about it and the only thing he will say is I'm not gay. And that doesn't even answer my question that doesn't solve any of my problems, it has everything to do with that stupid purple toy under the bathroom sink . I try not to think about it but I do we will have sex for 45 minutes and he is nowhere near close to finishing until he shoves that stupid purple toy in his mouth and sucks at it like it's the real thing! I don't think that I can leave him because I love him he is the father of any children I want to have. Well I guess that's stupid because we don't have kids unless you count the miscarriages. But his sexuality has made me into this ticking time bomb. He has had sexual encounters with men before me. He has given me the dirty details of sexual affairs with men from 00-01 and 12-14. Before me. And before his ex wife. She has often brought up I should leave because he is gay and needs to pipe up and be with a man. He says he isn't. His porn choice gay, trans women screwingen, and strap on women screwing men. He has looked into m4m and m4t on craigslist I had to find while searching for his back and forth schedule with his son in his history. I am losing it. I love my husband. But how the hell can I get better at accepting his sexuality without leaving him. Better yet, how do I stop thinking he is gay?


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

You don't. Where he falls in the spectrum is hard to say, but if he's looking at Craigs list ads you need to be worried he's going to cheat. And if he is cheating or considering cheating you need to keep your self from getting pregnant. 

You can love him and still know that you shouldn't be with him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You cannot stop him from being who he is. It's ok for you to not be good with him being bi and/or gay. Does it really matter if he labels himself gay? or bi?

What matters is that the two of you are not sexually compatible. He needs to be with a man or at least fantasize that he's having sex with a man in order to really get off sexually. He's looking for hookups with men on craigslist. If he's looking on craigslist, you may as well realize that he's been meeting with men for sex behind your back. This is very very dangerous behavior. He's going to beign an STD back to you. And that STD might not be curable. 

You need to go get yourself checked for STDs. Then you really need to leave this guy. It's only going to get worse.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

:slap:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MarriedToBi said:


> I don't think that I can leave him because I love him he is the father of any children I want to have.


Stop for a moment and think of your own parents and what you would think of your mom had she married someone just like your husband. Would this have made you feel safe and loved growing up? 

Depending on how you answer that question is how your own children will feel about your husband. Sometimes it helps to think about things from a different perspective. Then you can decide better if what you need to do is the best decision. 

Badsanta


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MarriedToBi said:


> how do I stop thinking he is gay?


You can't, because he is.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

It seems like you are not very comfortable with who he is. If his needs/desires are not what you can tolerate then, no amount of love is going to keep you from resenting him. 

You don't have to accept his desires. You have every right to not want to be involved with his sexual needs. However, that does not mean he can stop or end his desires. 

All you can do is know what you want and what you can accept. Loving someone does not mean putting up with things that you are not comfortable with and that puts you on edge.

Now, all his craig's list searching is telling you is that he is not fulfilled with just you alone. That is something you have to be very careful of because he is looking for opportunities to cheat. Heaven knows what kinds of diseases he can give to you, if he does cheat.

If I were you, I would think really hard on what you need. His behavior does not offer you safety and protection. Something that is vital for the health and wellbeing of your marriage.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Your husband is as gay as Xmas and ashamed of it. That's why he marries women. 

Sorry to break it to you OP but you're just window dressing for his denial.

Find a straight guy before he infects you with a disease from Craig's list.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> Your husband is as gay as Xmas and ashamed of it. That's why he marries women.
> 
> Sorry to break it to you OP but you're just window dressing for his denial.
> 
> Find a straight guy before he infects you with a disease from Craig's list.


Best most concise advise for your dilemma. 

I would like to add...the purple toy thing would make be start walking and never look back.....


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

And if you have any doubts about what to do, think about spending the next 5-10 with him intermittently feeling like a new man. Cut this cat loose and find someone who knows what team he want to play on.


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

Yeah, he is in denial. He is gay. If he needs to suck on a purple phallus to achieve climax with you, and he watches gay and transsexual porn, or pegging porn, I think it is safe to say he is homosexual. Even though you love him, you need to divorce him and move on to a man that can love you, and enjoy your body. Because he will eventually come to terms with his sexuality and have to leave you.

I'm truly sorry you find yourself in this situation. And hope you find strength, peace, and happiness, in your future.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> Your husband is as gay as Xmas...


I feel like you might be trying to pick a fight with me, but at least give me a minute for the room to stop spinning around would you?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MarriedToBi said:


> I've known about my husband sexuality since we've been together so I guess I can't have an issue with it but I do. I will try and talk to him about it and the only thing he will say is I'm not gay. And that doesn't even answer my question that doesn't solve any of my problems, it has everything to do with that stupid purple toy under the bathroom sink . I try not to think about it but I do we will have sex for 45 minutes and he is nowhere near close to finishing until he shoves that stupid purple toy in his mouth and sucks at it like it's the real thing! I don't think that I can leave him because I love him he is the father of any children I want to have. Well I guess that's stupid because we don't have kids unless you count the miscarriages. But his sexuality has made me into this ticking time bomb. He has had sexual encounters with men before me. He has given me the dirty details of sexual affairs with men from 00-01 and 12-14. Before me. And before his ex wife. She has often brought up I should leave because he is gay and needs to pipe up and be with a man. He says he isn't. His porn choice gay, trans women screwingen, and strap on women screwing men. He has looked into m4m and m4t on craigslist I had to find while searching for his back and forth schedule with his son in his history. I am losing it. I love my husband. But how the hell can I get better at accepting his sexuality without leaving him. Better yet, how do I stop thinking he is gay?


Has he cheated on you?

Is he happy to have sex with you?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

If you are not a troll, 

So how did you get around it not bothering you before you got married?

Why did you sit around and listen to his gay escapades, and why did that not bother you?

Do you not think you are worthy of anyone better?

Why do you want to stay married to someone like this, other than loving him? (Love alone does not build a marriage)


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think the desire for any same sex sexual activity is on the beginning of the gay scale. As Ele said, whether you call it bi or gay, it is no longer heterosexual. And it introduces complications if you are expecting heterosexuality.

I think you would be happier in the long run with letting him go. I understand you love him. But he was not made to be with someone expecting heterosexuality. If you truly love him, surely you want him to be with someone he is truly compatible with, no?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

MarriedToBi said:


> I've known about my husband sexuality since we've been together so I guess I can't have an issue with it but I do. I will try and talk to him about it and the only thing he will say is I'm not gay. And that doesn't even answer my question that doesn't solve any of my problems, it has everything to do with that stupid purple toy under the bathroom sink . I try not to think about it but I do we will have sex for 45 minutes and he is nowhere near close to finishing until he shoves that stupid purple toy in his mouth and sucks at it like it's the real thing! I don't think that I can leave him because I love him he is the father of any children I want to have. Well I guess that's stupid because we don't have kids unless you count the miscarriages. But his sexuality has made me into this ticking time bomb. He has had sexual encounters with men before me. He has given me the dirty details of sexual affairs with men from 00-01 and 12-14. Before me. And before his ex wife. She has often brought up I should leave because he is gay and needs to pipe up and be with a man. He says he isn't. His porn choice gay, trans women screwingen, and strap on women screwing men. He has looked into m4m and m4t on craigslist I had to find while searching for his back and forth schedule with his son in his history. I am losing it. I love my husband. But how the hell can I get better at accepting his sexuality without leaving him. Better yet, how do I stop thinking he is gay?


He is gay, he is just using "bi" as a cover. He enjoys sex with you, provided he has his toy, so you have to wonder what is he fantasizing about? His heart may love you but he desires another man. I would talk with him, explain your concerns, and tell him that you want the both of you to be happy-and right now you aren't and you suspect that deep down inside he isn't, either. Tell him you don't want to stand in the way of him being happy but you also deserve to be his first priority not a convenient sex partner when he can't get what he wants. Be firm but fair and loving. Don't accept denial. He needs to face the facts. He may be "bi" but he leans to mostly men and the sooner he accepts that the sooner the both of you can be happy. You list yourself as "unsure" about your own orientation-has this been an issue as well?
Also, get tested for STDs. Just in case.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

I just made a similar thread-jack in another thread.

Gals (I even started it the same way). If your man says "I'm bi", PLEASE don't look at it as an opportunity to flaunt your new "progressive" boyfriend to your friends. Look at it as a MASSIVE red flag. I'm glad to see that the chorus agrees that secretly marrying a "beard" can and does happen. So with THAT as a minimum, be wary.

I will add that I have my doubts on male bisexuality. I'm 100% hetero. And I'm not saying that to be all "I ain't no ****". I mean it as when I look at ANY kind or genre of porn, it ALWAYS has a beautiful woman. I LOVE beautiful women. 

Anyhow, I LOVED the touch about "that toy under the sink". But you added a little too much drama and the shocker was a little too funny so it didn't really match the "tone" of the rest, but I enjoyed it.

Oh, and you don't know how men work. If I was forced to fuc# a dude (the equivalent of your husband ****ing you), I wouldn't keep ramming his butt for 45 minutes waiting for my equivalent of the purple toy to arrive (I LOVE that). I'd think of that last issue of "Bikini Riot" I just uploaded, finish, then go puke. Run your stuff by a guy first. In this case a gay guy would have been key.

If you are really NOT a troll, then...


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

yeah i too think he is bisexual. 
You mentioned he likes strapon porn...if that does not gross you out too much, maybe try that. Some women enjoy the dominance of it.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> yeah i too think he is bisexual.
> You mentioned he likes strapon porn...if that does not gross you out too much, maybe try that. Some women enjoy the dominance of it.


I was just going to suggest this. Is this called pegging? Anyway, buy a strap on and surprise him with it. Note: I have not tried it myself. so I can't vouch for it...


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## mustangsally (Aug 20, 2014)

Honey, the only thing you can do is go with it or get out. He can't change, you can't change him, and no amount of counseling is gonna make him straight. If you can't deal you probably ought to leave before you build up so much resentment that you hate each other. Don't make yourself miserable for your idea of what things should be.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

This can't be real, can it? I mean, if I had to go under the bathroom sink to pull out a purple dildo and suck on it to finish the job...well, I guess I'm not really gay then...

What? Lol, def troll post.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

I know of a gay guy who my coworkers say had a gay relationship with a guy who was the starting QB for our local NFL team. They say he was also with several people you have heard of, who have played superheroes on tv and in major films.

If you believe this is possible, then you can believe this can happen to anyone. None of these celebrities are out of the closet. Irony understand how the nfl never became public. They said he used to sit with the wives.

Edit: I see the OP and I are from the same state.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

MachoMcCoy said:


> I just made a similar thread-jack in another thread.
> 
> Gals (I even started it the same way). If your man says "I'm bi", PLEASE don't look at it as an opportunity to flaunt your new "progressive" boyfriend to your friends. Look at it as a MASSIVE red flag. *I'm glad to see that the chorus agrees that secretly marrying a "beard" can and does happen.* So with THAT as a minimum, be wary.
> 
> ...


I knew there was a name for that


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