# Butlins adult theme weekends - wife going



## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Originally posted this in mens clubhouse and was slightly surprised at some of the replies so thought I'd get some more general replies here.


Butlins adult theme weekends - wife going 
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Those of you in the UK may have heard of these.

Basically, its a holiday camp where, during the off season, they have adults only theme weekends. Like 80s, 90s etc with tribute bands or whatever. Then theres fancy dress etc.

Due to its nature I've heard that it can be a bit of a shag fest for obvious reasons. 

Anyway, my wife has booked to go and I'm a bit worried (again). I trust her etc and am 99.9% sure she'd never do anything but I still dont like these weekends.

Shes been before and its all been fine, and she says shes jsut going for a girls weekend etc.

Any other fellas worry about things like this? Or is it just me?


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I am all for girls weekends and stuff, but if it is something that makes you uncomfortable you should talk to her about it and ask her if they can go somewhere else. Sit down and talk about it together and ask her if she would mind changing venues, and explain why you are uncomfortable with it.
If she is adamant, then I would say that maybe you need to leave it alone and go out with the guys and have some fun. If it were me, I would definately change my plans if my husband showed concern over where I was going.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It depends on what kind of relationship you have now.

Do you do things together as a couple?

Do you vacation together?

Are there insecurities?


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Some background. Been together 20 years, married 13. Young son aged 6.

We do loads of things together all the time. Spend most of our time together. Have a pretty decent relationship where we tell each other everything. Had some bad spells in the past but its all pretty good at the moment. Wife has never given me any reason to suspect shes up to anything.

My wife is not insecure at all. In fact, cant see what the fuss is all about. Me - I guess I do get insecure, mostly for no reason.

Dont think I'd like to stop her going. That would be controlling I think.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

DawnD said:


> I am all for girls weekends and stuff, but if it is something that makes you uncomfortable you should talk to her about it and ask her if they can go somewhere else. Sit down and talk about it together and ask her if she would mind changing venues, and explain why you are uncomfortable with it.
> If she is adamant, then I would say that maybe you need to leave it alone and go out with the guys and have some fun. If it were me, I would definately change my plans if my husband showed concern over where I was going.


I guess if I pushed it she would cancel but then I'd fell guilty for being so controlling. Also, it would mean I didnt trust her.

For the record, I've been on lads trips in the past. For instance, weekend in Scotland (8 hours drive away) for the rugby. And I'm planning the Ireland trip (rugby again) for next year.


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## CMC125 (Oct 21, 2009)

P,

After googling this event, you have your answer. The operative word is "adult". So unless you have an open marriage its a no go for her.


If it was the family themed one, not an issue.

See in the states we have couple only resorts, which is nice way of saying anything go's and it usually does.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

What the f**k is it about these women? They think they can do whatever they want, regardless of how TOTALLY inappropriate, just because they tell you first? Nice to tell you, but you WON'T BE THERE!!

Here's the deal, man. My wife of 7 years, mother of my 2 children, got our second baby off of the breast, got in shape, and was out the door fast and hard. What could I say? It was just dancing with a girlfriend. But after much advice from folks on this board, I felt comfortable puttign a stop to it. And let me tell you, between what LITTLE she wold tell me, truth and lies, I put together a picture of a hard partying bar girl. Just "dancing" was a LIE. She was fooling me into thinking I would "unenlightened" to have a problem with her activity that ANY OTHER husband in the world would have put a stop to immediately.

Go on the internet. Google "singles vacations" or "singles cruises". Print out some literature. It's been a while, but "Hedonism" of "Hedonism II" would be good. Hand them to her and say"sorry you want to take separate vacations. I like going with you, but if it's what you want, we'll do it. I'm narrowing it down to these choices".

SHE CAN'T GO. And you are WELL within your rights to stop her..


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## CMC125 (Oct 21, 2009)

Cody,

Bravo you sound like an enlightened man.

He could suggest change venue to family oriented one, if her face changes with this he has some issues to attend to immediately.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

You don't know how enlightened, CMC. F**k changes in expressions. Hit hard.

And your problems aren't over once you put a stop to this nonsense. Regardless of what happens, you've got to wonder why she would use her little vacation time for a vacation like THAT as opposed to one with your family.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

CMC125 said:


> P,
> 
> After googling this event, you have your answer. The operative word is "adult". So unless you have an open marriage its a no go for her.
> 
> ...


I've been to an adults only hotel in Clearwater, Florida - it was full of old people.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

CMC125 said:


> P,
> 
> After googling this event, you have your answer. The operative word is "adult". So unless you have an open marriage its a no go for her.
> 
> ...


Interested to see what you found via google and what keywords you searched on. Pubs are for adults but it doesnt mean everyone who goes into one is shagging.

I must admit I think there is a culture difference here. I assume most of you are from the US?


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## CMC125 (Oct 21, 2009)

P,

You asked for adivce, got it.

The references were to online activiy, not some senior citizen one.

Hey its your life, do what you wish/


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

cody5 said:


> You don't know how enlightened, CMC. F**k changes in expressions. Hit hard.
> 
> And your problems aren't over once you put a stop to this nonsense. Regardless of what happens, you've got to wonder why she would use her little vacation time for a vacation like THAT as opposed to one with your family.


Use her vacation time? Its as if your a suggesting that a man and a woman in a relationship arent allowed to go away with friends for the weekend?

Thats really weird. Like I said in my other post, its perfectly normal in the UK for a husband or wife to go away without their partner on things like lads golfing weekends, rugby weekends (very popular here in wales), concert/festival weekends.

Think some of you are missing the point here a little. Butlins adult weekends are just their way of getting customers on offseason weekends. They've realised theres a market for getting older people to come away on weekends and spend loads of money on beer. They dress this up as 90s, 80s music, regae weekends etc. In Brtiain, I think the alcohol culture is much different that anywhere else.

Would be interested to hear from someone in Britain whos been on one of these weekends?


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

CMC125 said:


> P,
> 
> You asked for adivce, got it.
> 
> ...


Dont get me wrong - thanks for your opinion.


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## WantsHappiness (Jun 17, 2009)

I’m not from the UK but I am a little more liberal with this type of thing. My husband doesn’t necessarily understand separate vacations either but I’m a fan of them now and then. Sometimes I like to get away with the girls. Just as it’s nice to go away as a couple/family other times. On the last girls trip we went hiking and attended baseball games. There was nothing fishy going on and if done right (and agreed upon by both individuals in the relationship) there’s absolutely nothing wrong with separate vacations. 

I looked up Butlins Adult Weekends and I’m not sure what CMC googled but they look mostly innocent to me. In this respect it seems like the “adult” term is used in a way that’s more like “adult swim time” at a community pool or something where all of the kids have to get out of the water so the adults can enjoy some swim time without getting splashed. There doesn’t seem to be anything aimed directly at singles or hooking up however, it does seem like a non-stop party weekend and that certainly leaves the potential for that sort of thing. I can see why you're a little concerned. I’d liken it to going to Cancun for a girls weekend, it's a party atmosphere and there's just as much potential and really, let’s be honest, if someone is looking for a party/hookup they can find it anywhere. They don’t have to go to a “singles” retreat. 

Sorry I’m rambling a little bit but some of the negative responses you’ve gotten are a bit shocking to me. Is this Butlins getaway something you might like to do yourself? Could you do this, ask your wife to save the Butlins trip for a time when you can get a sitter both of you can enjoy it together? Maybe she and her friends could plan something else that is a little less risque? The bottom line is that if it makes you uncomfortable she should respect that (as I assume you would if she raised similar concerns). What about the women she vacations with? Are they single, married?


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Hi,

Yeh. I think there was a bit of misunderstanding about what it all was.... LOL.

She has been good about it to be fair to her. And in the past I have gone away on lads weekends. 

I just feel that it would be unfair of me to stop her going. She has said if I feel really strongly about she'd cancel but then that would make me feel bad. Like you said, shes never done anything.

I think theres 6 of them going, 2 are single, 2 are in relationships, and 2 (inc wife) are married. In the past, when a larger party has gone, its pretty much the same sort of split.

It actually from Fri-Mon so only 3 nights....


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## CMC125 (Oct 21, 2009)

Candy,

You asked for opinions, and after posters did the research you got them.

The ball is in your court, and that is all there is to this subject matter.

However you answered your own post via the orginal post.

Now you decide.


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## WantsHappiness (Jun 17, 2009)

psychocandy said:


> Hi,
> 
> Yeh. I think there was a bit of misunderstanding about what it all was.... LOL.
> 
> ...


It’s a culture thing  Plus a good amount of people on this site have had bad experiences and sometimes it starts out with something like this that seemed innocent.

I think that if she’s totally willing to cancel the trip that says a lot. If she had reacted negatively it would be a red flag but she seems to really care about the fact that this makes you uncomfortable and she respects it. I understand what you mean that you might feel guilty if you stopped her from going and it’s good of you not to want to spoil her good (clean) time. 

The group sounds like a good one. If she were going with all single gals it would seem like they’re going with the intent to hook up but with plenty of married and committed people with her there won’t be as much temptation. 

I took a moment and read some of your older posts and I think that the above facts, especially considering what you two have gone through, means that you probably don’t have much to worry about here. Do you keep in touch while you’re each off on your separate trips? That might help to ease any worries you have while she’s gone.


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## bedlam85 (Mar 4, 2010)

sorry i realise i am really late to this thread but my wife has just come back from her 3rd butlins weekend and the sick feeling i get when she goes still hasnt subsided.
I have explained to her that i trust her 100%, its the others who go that i dont trust. I totally accept that my wife goes to these weekends to have fun in fancy dress with her friends, thats her intention. I also know that big groups of guys go there and its not for the fancy dress costumes!
My wife tells me that her and her friends watch out for each other but i know that when she has had a drink (about three gallons of drink in the case of these weekends) she gets very sarcastic, chatty and very over-confident. This can easily be misinterpreted by drunk guys as a green light.
She arrived back on monday and i knew something was not right. she had seemed off on the phone over the weekend and missed calling me friday night which she never does. after me pushing the issue on tuesday i find out that her best friend who she goes every year with (wife of my best friend) has been having an affair with a guy for the last year that guess what? she met at butlins last year!
These weekends break more marriages than they ever make, i am now in an awful situation where i have information that will totally destroy my best friend who loves his wife to the core. I have to choose whether i force her to tell him or do it myself. no choice at all really.
I have had so many conversations with my wife about how much these weekends scare me, turns out i was dead right to be concerned. This doesnt even begin to take into account the guys who will go to any lengths to get what they want, drink spiking etc... I know this type of guy is a rare breed and can appear anywhere but it only takes one of them and a second to turn your world upside down. If my wife goes out in our local town centre i know that i am 3 minutes away and she can call anytime. When she is 7 hours down the road there is nothing i can do.
I would seriously think about asking your wife not to go anymore, or look up when next years event is and book a 'suprise' weekend away for the same dates!
I have thought for so long i was just being paranoid and really tried to change my mind about this. This week has confirmed that all my suspicions were right.
Guys know that these weekends are packed to the rafters with very drunk women who have left their partners at home and 
are dressed in costumes that cover far less than they should. Put yourself in the position, as a guy knowing all this, what reason would you have for going there?? 

Probably not what you want to hear but this was as much to get my thoughts out of my head as to answer your question. Sorry if i have rambled, got a lot on my mind just now!


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

bedlam85 said:


> sorry i realise i am really late to this thread but my wife has just come back from her 3rd butlins weekend and the sick feeling i get when she goes still hasnt subsided.
> I have explained to her that i trust her 100%, its the others who go that i dont trust. I totally accept that my wife goes to these weekends to have fun in fancy dress with her friends, thats her intention. I also know that big groups of guys go there and its not for the fancy dress costumes!
> My wife tells me that her and her friends watch out for each other but i know that when she has had a drink (about three gallons of drink in the case of these weekends) she gets very sarcastic, chatty and very over-confident. This can easily be misinterpreted by drunk guys as a green light.
> She arrived back on monday and i knew something was not right. she had seemed off on the phone over the weekend and missed calling me friday night which she never does. after me pushing the issue on tuesday i find out that her best friend who she goes every year with (wife of my best friend) has been having an affair with a guy for the last year that guess what? she met at butlins last year!
> ...


Of course, you have a very good point. But the thing is if someone was going to have an affair they would anyway, wouldnt they? Regardless of whether it was in Butlins or not.

Also, I just think telling your partner they cant go is pretty bad for the relationship too.


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