# Happy Marriage/Partnership?



## PearlSnaps (Oct 29, 2013)

I think most of us are on here to see that others are going through similar struggles. I ended up getting a divorce, and it was absolutely the right move. Family and friends ask if I'll get married again at some point and I usually respond with "you never know" or something else generic to pacify them. I've been divorced almost 2 years and relationships still sound like the biggest nut punch I can imagine. My ex was heavily passive-aggressive, among other things, so I get that my perception is probably skewed. 

Guys, do any of you have examples of a marriage/partnership where you're truly happy? I'm not talking about perfection or bliss. Just a situation where someone enhances your life and the pros outweigh the cons. What does your wife do that makes life better (beyond the bedroom)? Do these situations exist or is the definition of a married man: "one who suffers in silence."


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

PearlSnaps said:


> Guys, do any of you have examples of a marriage/partnership where you're truly happy? I'm not talking about perfection or bliss. Just a situation where someone enhances your life and the pros outweigh the cons. What does your wife do that makes life better (beyond the bedroom)? Do these situations exist or is the definition of a married man: "one who suffers in silence."


This is my second marriage - I ended the first for many reasons, but essentially I was miserable.

Now I'm truly happy, even though there have been several serious health issues we've dealt with over the years. The difference in this marriage is that we truly want each other to be happy and fulfilled, and do whatever we can to make that possible - I do those things in the ways that she likes, and vice versa. We are equal partners, and either share decisions or decide who will take primary responsibility based on ability, interest, and time. We fully trust each other to act in our mutual best interest, and time has proven that we actually do this. We are consistently loving and kind to each other in word and deed, and we deal with any issues openly with good communication before they become big issues.

It's easier, perhaps, because we are highly compatible in our values, attitudes, goals, and interests. It also helps a lot that we are very sexually compatible!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

PearlSnaps said:


> I think most of us are on here to see that others are going through similar struggles. I ended up getting a divorce, and it was absolutely the right move.
> 
> Guys, do any of you have examples of a marriage/partnership where you're truly happy? I'm not talking about perfection or bliss. Just a situation where someone enhances your life and the pros outweigh the cons. What does your wife do that makes life better (beyond the bedroom)? Do these situations exist or is the definition of a married man: "one who suffers in silence."


I have only been married to one woman, sort of. My wife and I were happy for many years, then we drifted apart and had a sex starved marriage. With the help of others, a lot of introspection, reading and changing myself, I was able to convince my wife to go to a sex therapist to see if we could save our marriage. 

Our marriage was saved. But during the time, I read just about everything I could on healing broken marriages. Ester Peril has an interesting TED talk. Toward the end of the talk in her closing statement, she says that after a marriage is broken and they come to her, she tells them that their marriage is over. She explains that in this day and age many will have two or three marriages. She then explains that some of the the people she talks to have two or three separate marriages will be with the same person. 

https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_pe...alk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved?language=en

Neither my wife nor I had an affair, but we did rebuild our marriage from the ashes of a sex starved marriage. So yes, you can have a good marriage with sex, love and emotional partnership even if things go bad along the way.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

PearlSnaps said:


> Guys, do any of you have examples of a marriage/partnership where you're truly happy? I'm not talking about perfection or bliss. Just a situation where someone enhances your life and the pros outweigh the cons. What does your wife do that makes life better (beyond the bedroom)? Do these situations exist or is the definition of a married man: "one who suffers in silence."


My wife and I are both in our first and only marriage, 22 years now. I am happy and she is happy. I will not pretend I know the solution but here is a list of things that, I am sure, are contributing to the success of our marriage:

- We grew up in different countries on different continents but with very similar background. Lower middle class rural Catholic family.

- We take logical decisions and are OK with not conforming to the conventional thinking.

- I had a plan for us and she accepted it. She has total freedom and I finance it.

- No year was ever the same. A constant change with increasing challenges. First getting to know each other, then 1st kid, then a few more, moving to exotic places, child with cancer, living apart due to job demands, etc.... Some changes were planned, some were not, but we both rose to the occasion, worked together, listened to each other and argued with each other, but always found a way to move forward.

- Remained flexible when it was needed. Stayed firm when it was needed.

- Never overextended ourselves financially.

- We trust each other. We do not need VARs.

- Above all, we are both committed to each other and to our family. I am appalled when I read people are ready to divorce just because of an affair. Where is the commitment to the children?


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I'm happily married; it took two tries, and my first marriage wasn't too good, but this one is working fine.

We are good friends as well as lovers, but we also give each other room for our individual pursuits. This is especially important because my wife is an introvert, so she needs "alone time" to recharge her batteries. I'm an extravert, so I don't have that problem.

We support each other when there are difficulties and enjoy a lot of the same activities. I would be heartbroken if anything happened to take her away from me.

Hopefully we will have many more years of togetherness.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

First marriage for both my wife and I. Married when I was 27 and she was 22. Been married 20 years now, together for 22 years. We have a very good marriage. Sex frequency is lower than I would like, but not sexless for sure. She's not overly sexual by nature but we have a very good relationship and two wonderful teenage daughters. No real issues. I see us being together for the long haul.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

PearlSnaps said:


> Just a situation where someone enhances your life and the pros outweigh the cons. What does your wife do that makes life better (beyond the bedroom)? Do these situations exist or is the definition of a married man: "one who suffers in silence."


Of course they exist. Without wife's six figure salary my daughters would have gone to decent state schools instead of top ten schools. She is also excellent in landscape work such as picking up leaves, pruning, and mulching. 

But her best attribute is work from home so I don't need to take time off for things like service calls. No wear and tear on her car or dry cleaning bills.

The rest of the marriage is a joke, and I expect to bail out in May once DD2 finishes undergraduate school.

So, yea, she enhances my life and makes life better .


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