# Advice Please separating an moving to a new town



## canuckgirl (Jun 19, 2014)

Hi, I haven't separated yet, but its in strong consideration. I may have the opportunity to take a job in a city 1.5 hrs away that will finally allow me to leave my marriage. We have 3 sons. I won't get into all the reasons we're unhappy, but its been years ongoing and I've posted about it. What I'm wondering is if anyone here has left a spouse and moved themselves and kids a distance? for a career, fresh start, new love whatever, immediately after separating? how did you do it? the logistics seem like a nightmare, as well as I know it will hurt my husband too, but he's known I'm wanting to leave so he's not blindsided there, just the moving away part I haven't shared. Who knows this may not work out but I'm going for a second interview today...I'd like to hear your stories how you did it


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## DaytoDay (Jun 23, 2013)

Would your stbxh still want to be involved with the kids? And are your kids well connected with local friends? I imagine it would be a great opportunity for you, but it doesn't seem like it would be fair to your kids and their relationships. Could you move and leave your kids local with their father as an alternative option?


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## canuckgirl (Jun 19, 2014)

and leave my kids?? I'm their mother. I can't imagine not having them with me. He wouldn't want them on his own either. Guaranteed. My kids need me. The other problem is that I live in a very economically depressed rural area with no opportunity. I need to find work and I'll find it quicker getting out of here.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Canuck,

You have started four separate threads, three today alone. Please stick to ONE so people can follow your story more easily.


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

No advice on how to do what you ask - just a sadness because my ex-wife did the very same thing you are describing. Planning behind your husband's back while he has no clue what's going on. I apologize if that sounds harsh or condemning. I don't mean it to be. I just know that if my wife had let me know the truth of how she felt, our marriage could have been saved. I clearly do not know the details of your situation - I just know that any marriage can be changed if both partners are willing to do the work necessary.

I would say that it is not unusual for someone in your situation to want to uproot and move for a "fresh" start. How old are your sons? You do realize that you can't just up and move if your husband contests it - right? Each state has different laws regarding these situations. Is there nothing that can be done to save your marriage? My heart goes out to your boys.


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## DaytoDay (Jun 23, 2013)

canuckgirl said:


> and leave my kids?? I'm their mother. I can't imagine not having them with me. He wouldn't want them on his own either. Guaranteed. My kids need me. The other problem is that I live in a very economically depressed rural area with no opportunity. I need to find work and I'll find it quicker getting out of here.


Well then if you're fine with it for your reasons and your kids are fine with uprooting and leaving friends behind and your stbxh is fine with having his kids less available to him, then is your question regarding logistics simply about moving companies and changing schools and finding a place to live, etc.? Because the answer to that -- the task list of things to do -- is exactly the same if you weren't leaving your stbxh.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

canuckgirl said:


> and leave my kids?? I'm their mother. I can't imagine not having them with me. He wouldn't want them on his own either. Guaranteed. My kids need me. The other problem is that I live in a very economically depressed rural area with no opportunity. I need to find work and I'll find it quicker getting out of here.


Are you so sure that he's ok with his children being 1.5 hours away.

Do you know that he can file in court and force the children to be returned to the family home? They are not your children alone. They are his and your children.

Have you seen an attorney and found out what your legal rights are to just take the children away from their father?


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

Their father would say "I'm their father." The children need their father as much as their mother. Believe it. Be prepared to compromise.


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