# I'm Confused........



## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

My soon-to-be ex-wife is now alone with her affair partner as our youngest just moved out of home and off to university...when I talked to our youngest before he went away - he said "why arent you happy for mom - she is happy?" forgetting how she so coldly left the family and broke us up back in March. I see how his morals have changed since this happened - he used to say 'commitment is important" but now says "being happy is important"??? 

But what is confusing me is I have drawn up separation papers (which in Canada you need before divorce papers) but she will not sign them or discuss divorce...it's very confusing...divorce and move on with your lover (whom you tell our son you are so happy with).


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> My soon-to-be ex-wife is now alone with her affair partner as our youngest just moved out of home and off to university...when I talked to our youngest before he went away - he said "why arent you happy for mom - she is happy?" forgetting how she so coldly left the family and broke us up back in March. I see how his morals have changed since this happened - he used to say 'commitment is important" but now says "being happy is important"???
> 
> But what is confusing me is I have drawn up separation papers (which in Canada you need before divorce papers) but she will not sign them or discuss divorce...it's very confusing...divorce and move on with your lover (whom you tell our son you are so happy with).


I agree with you divorce her and good riddance misery loves company as they say dont worry he or her will cheat on each other


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

bigtone128 said:


> But what is confusing me is I have drawn up separation papers (which in Canada you need before divorce papers) but she will not sign them or discuss divorce...it's very confusing...divorce and move on with your lover (whom you tell our son you are so happy with).


Its not confusing at all from my viewpoint. She's keeping you as her back up plan in case it doesn't work out with the OM. I don't see why you're confused.

See a lawyer. You should be able to have legal separation without her having to sign it. You are living apart from her and she's living with the OM!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I hope you replied to your kid something like "why in h3ll should I be happy for someone who is cheating on her husband? Especially when that husbands me? Not only will I never be happy for her, when this D is done I intend to purge her from my life as if she was dead and buried."


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I'd be more concerned with your son's new found morals than your wife's confusion tbh.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> My soon-to-be ex-wife is now alone with her affair partner as our youngest just moved out of home and off to university...when I talked to our youngest before he went away - he said "why arent you happy for mom - she is happy?" forgetting how she so coldly left the family and broke us up back in March. I see how his morals have changed since this happened - he used to say 'commitment is important" but now says "being happy is important"???
> 
> But what is confusing me is I have drawn up separation papers (which in Canada you need before divorce papers) but she will not sign them or discuss divorce...it's very confusing...divorce and move on with your lover (whom you tell our son you are so happy with).


I think you are "plan b". Perhaps even "plan c" ("plan b" being, try it on her own first).

I don't know anything about Canadian divorce laws but wonder aloud if they differ between the French and non French speaking states? 

Anyway, I suspect that you have to move on with or without a piece of paper to prove that she did one over one you. I would make it clear that her not signing a piece of paper will not stop you getting some action for yourself.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Maybe he means that you need stop being bitter and unhappy ?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> he said "why arent you happy for mom - she is happy?"


You know, sometimes only a wordless shout of 
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! will do.

Anything else I could contribute would result in me being banned.

But why on earth would your son even dream that you could be happy that your wife is cheating on you and broke your family up?

Unless this is not her first outing as a cheater and she trained your boy to accept her 'needs'?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Maybe he means that you need stop being bitter and unhappy ?


Agree.

I don't think he really needs Dad to be happy for Mom, but he needs & wants Dad to be a happy person. 

It is easier for him this way.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> My soon-to-be ex-wife is now alone with her affair partner as our youngest just moved out of home and off to university*...when I talked to our youngest before he went away - he said "why arent you happy for mom - she is happy?" forgetting how she so coldly left the family and broke us up back in March. I see how his morals have changed since this happened - he used to say 'commitment is important" but now says "being happy is important"??? *
> But what is confusing me is I have drawn up separation papers (which in Canada you need before divorce papers) but she will not sign them or discuss divorce...it's very confusing...divorce and move on with your lover (whom you tell our son you are so happy with).


He's going to college. He's old enough to hear the truth. You should have told him straight out what his mother had done.No holds barred.

I firmly believe that when a child is old enough they should get the facts, not to bash your wife but so that your son knows the story not just her side but yours as well


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm feeling a little froggy tonight, and when that happens I start to think out side the box.
So if your wife doesn't want to sign, then it might be time to listen to your son and be happy....so happy that you become best friends with AP (affair partener) and just start hanging out and be that friend that just won't leave.

Hell become best buds and who knows you might start to stress the new relationship and your STBXW will sign anything just to get you to go away.......

Again just thinking out side the box.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

the guy said:


> I'm feeling a little froggy tonight, and when that happens I start to think out side the box.
> So if your wife doesn't want to sign, then it might be time to listen to your son and be happy....so happy that you become best friends with AP (affair partener) and just start hanging out and be that friend that just won't leave.
> 
> Hell become best buds and who knows you might start to stress the new relationship and your STBXW will sign anything just to get you to go away.......
> ...


Boy! That's *evil!* And oh-so-darned-goooood!
:FIREdevil:


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Ah..the whole "keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer" strategy?


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

Nothing to be confused about. She doesn't want to be the Bad Guy. 

It's all about "happiness." Hers. Divorce is just a buzz kill.

Also, there is cake eating. The Unified Theory of Cake

Cake is the preferred Nirvanic state of cheaters. You and him. And she'd like you to compete and keep all her options open.

To understand her, you have to think like a cake eater. Something you're incapable of, because you have a moral compass.


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## LaurenceSext (Aug 31, 2012)

then it might be time to listen to your son and be happy


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