# You couldn't make it up...



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Well. After so long of H consistently turning me down, us only ever having sex when HE wanted, me being pissed and with major esteem issues because of it... things, after a LOT of work, got better. Really good actually.

Aaaaaand here it comes... I have lost my drive.

Seriously. It has just gone. I was high drive. At least every other day would have been great for me. This last couple weeks I have had no interest. It is weird. In my head I am thinking about it, but my body is just, bleh. Not bothered.

I told H who did not seem terribly bothered. I am not sure what to make of it. I have been really tired recently, and taking some short term meds. May see my doctor to get tests to check nothing is up.

Not sure what I am asking but love the irony of my situation. Wonder if H will see it or be oblivious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Sorry, I am wondering if I'm in a similar situation as I was just put on daily meds for migraines and, like you I think about sex but my body cant be bothered. That is not to say I would turn dh down, I wont - but I definitely have less interest in improving our situation. This month anyway.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Could it be you thought you wanted more frequent sex because you weren't getting it hardly at all, but now that you are getting it more frequently, your drive isn't as high as you thought?

For example, if you regularly didn't get enough to eat, like you were on a diet, you'd be ravenous and your stomach would be growling all the time and you'd think about eating all the time. But once you started eating enough regularly, your body wouldn't be so focused on eating all the time.



> I have been really tired recently, and taking some short term meds.


What kind of meds are there for being tired a lot? What are you taking?


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

Do you still have to initiate WW?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

The prescriptions may have a lot more to do with it than you know. 

Why was he turning you down so much?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

norajane said:


> Could it be you thought you wanted more frequent sex because you weren't getting it hardly at all, but now that you are getting it more frequently, your drive isn't as high as you thought?
> 
> For example, if you regularly didn't get enough to eat, like you were on a diet, you'd be ravenous and your stomach would be growling all the time and you'd think about eating all the time. But once you started eating enough regularly, your body wouldn't be so focused on eating all the time.
> 
> ...


Thing about it, is after you gone long enough without sex, your desire for it will subside a bit. I'm sure it's some self-preservation strategy...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

walkingwounded said:


> Well. After so long of H consistently turning me down, us only ever having sex when HE wanted, me being pissed and with major esteem issues because of it... things, after a LOT of work, got better. Really good actually.
> 
> Aaaaaand here it comes... I have lost my drive.
> 
> ...



You sound like me and your hubby sounds like my wife.

It has happened to me as well. My LD wife only wanting sex when she is in the mood, so I stop trying and then I lose my sex drive.........it's not cool, I know and I was HD as well.

And then LD spouses wonder why their HD spouses had an affair and cheated???


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> You sound like me and your hubby sounds like my wife.
> 
> It has happened to me as well. My LD wife only wanting sex when she is in the mood, so I stop trying and then I lose my sex drive.........it's not cool, I know and I was HD as well.




Agreed! After a while of constantly being turned down you start to lose your drive. I think it's just a natural reaction of rejection. I know my drive has dropped a lot after months of "no."


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> You sound like me and your hubby sounds like my wife.
> 
> It has happened to me as well. My LD wife only wanting sex when she is in the mood, so I stop trying and then I lose my sex drive.........it's not cool, I know and I was HD as well.
> 
> And then LD spouses wonder why their HD spouses had an affair and cheated???


thing about it, is it's not only your sex drive that gets diminished... Some of your confidence and motivation gets trashed along with it, and your stress level raised up.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I"m sorry to read this, walking.
My first initial thought was... karma does not want you to have sex, does she? More to learn about yourself. But putting that aside, it did happen to me to.

But after awhile I realised it was not my sex drive... but my desire for my husband, specifically. Resentment, guilt, anger, it stayed too long and when I detached emotionally, I was simply not able to feel desire for him, that way. 

I agree with getting a check up. Rule out anything else.

After that... it's not so easy.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Detaching lets you get your sense of self esteem and confidence back.

But it also always you to look at the situation with more logic than emotion.

Regaining a sense of intimacy and desire? That takes efforts from him to woo you again, but this time it's vulnerable with boundaries.

It's possible.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

The meds aren't for tiredness btw. They are antihistamines.

And I have not been that inclined to initiate. The idea is good in my head but actually doing it is not that appealing right now. H's drive seems to have dropped slightly also. I have also noticed his lovely efforts at meeting my needs have dropped right off. It has bothered me in passing but not felt bothered enough to adress it yet.

The self preservation idea struck me also. What if somewhere in my head I am carrying a load of resentment and once he started being great, I am on some level thinking "well if it is so easy for him to do all this then why couldn't he do it earlier instead of dragging it out and causing so much pain?"

I must admit the fact he has dropped off making so much of an effort, and me not adressing it, I guess I am wondering if may be the problem is not "solved" after all but he had a good run and is not so bothered now? I just do not know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

deejov, I thought it was "done." I thought we had figured it out and were both happy. 

It really is not sorted out. Naive? Hmm. I look at him and feel appreciation for what he does for us. I do not dislike him, or not love him, or not find him attractive. It is hard to articulate because I am not entirely sure what I *do* feel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> And then LD spouses wonder why their HD spouses had an affair and cheated???


I would just like to say that is the most hideous statement I have seen in a while, cheating has nothing to do with lack of sex, if the lack of sex was such an issue within the relationship and no amount of talking could resolve it then it would have been better to have separated than to have cheated!!!!

Sounds like you are a cheater or at least have some sort of moral lacking that enables you to defend and condone cheating with statements like that!!!

I presume you are not a BS yet and have not been afforded the misery that can be inflicted upon you by your SO when they are fvcking around behind your back?

Anyway back on topic, sorry you lost your drive, meds might be it though? Doubt hubby will notice if he is low drive


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I giggled when I read this. I lost my drive due to menopause issues and it was a total blessing to me. It allowed me to detach from my LD husband. It took 10 months before the dynamic changed and he began to want sex more than me. The roles were finally where I wanted them to be YAY!! I longed to be pursued and I got it.

I never told him I lost my drive I just went on about my life THRILLED that sex no longer consumed my thoughts. I no longer cared and I felt free.

We're both on hormones now and have plenty of sex but it's no longer a NEED for me it's a want. And yes there is a difference.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Meds are not prescription, they are antihistamines. Side effects say tiredness is a commonly reported side effect so possible that may have something to do with it.

I did wonder if I had some lingering resentment. Hard to say. The thought crosses my mind from time to time but is by no means a prevalent thought. What I *have* noticed is that his good efforts have decreased. Now, to be clear, he does do stuff for me, but it looks as if he has switched to acts of service. He does a lot of stuff that is helpfull and that I appreciate. He just seems to have lost the drive to do things he knows in particular I like.

He has also become quite curt and blunt at times. There have been a few instances recently of him telling me something bothers him. But instead of a straightforward "can you keep an eye on that/ I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that" type of thing, he has been quite nasty and personal. And these things were relatively minor as stuff goes.

Sorry if this is a bit jumbled, I am trying to see if I can make any sense of it all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I don't want to add to any jumbled thoughts, but it made me remember something.

When I really started listening to myself, I had a few moments where I could "feel" resentment come off my H. I know it had a lot to do with my loss of attraction at the time.

And maybe sometimes people ebb and flow, up and down, and you will continue to re-connect as time goes by. My good thoughts for you today.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

deejov said:


> I don't want to add to any jumbled thoughts, but it made me remember something.
> 
> When I really started listening to myself, I had a few moments where I could "feel" resentment come off my H. I know it had a lot to do with my loss of attraction at the time.
> 
> And maybe sometimes people ebb and flow, up and down, and you will continue to re-connect as time goes by. My good thoughts for you today.


What regained the attraction?


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