# six months into the marriage, caught my wife cheating



## mug87

*Have recently discoverd of wife's affair*

Hi,
I have recently discovered of my wife's affair and need some pointers regarding the same.


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## notmyjamie

*Re: Have recently discoverd of wife's affair*

I'm so sorry to hear that. You will get lots of support here. Now that you've posted your introductory post, you can post your story in the Infidelity forum and you'll get lots of advice.


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## Mr.Married

*Re: Have recently discoverd of wife's affair*

Hi mug87,

Sorry you find yourself in this position. There are many threads here that can start to give you some insight. When your ready to give us some details
we can try to help you out. You will find many different view points here and all are worth taking note of to see how they may or may not apply.
Just try to keep an open mind as you will hear some things you may not want but may as well be very true. Your entering a time where things are
hard to process as your reality crashes around you.


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## Marc878

*Re: Have recently discoverd of wife's affair*



mug87 said:


> Hi,
> I have recently discovered of my wife's affair and need some pointers regarding the same.


Without more detail your first action needs to be informing the other mans wife without warning. If you don't you'll probably just enable the affair further. Just because you found out doesn't mean it'll end. It's not your job or in your best interest to help them hide their affair.

Do not offer Reconcilliation upfront before you have time to think this through nor should you jump into marriage councilling. There are many bad ones in this field and they are notorious rugsweepers that can cause more damage than help.

Knowledge is power. Read up on infidelity. Seek out a consultation with an attorney so you know more about where you stand.

Most are in shock and have no idea how to effectively deal with infidelity. It would be in your best interest to educate yourself.

This is not the end of your world. You will get through it but those who get strong upfront and stay there always come out better long term no matter which way it goes.


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## Mr.Married

*Re: Have recently discoverd of wife's affair*



Marc878 said:


> You will get through it but those who get strong upfront and stay there always come out better long term no matter which way it goes.


Read the above three times and then write it on the wall.

You MUST operate from the position of control....upfront and always. She doesn't get to lead the way or make choices. This is your only path.


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## MattMatt

*Re: Have recently discoverd of wife's affair*

Sorry you are here, but you'll get the best help available @mug87.

I'll shift your post to the CWI section.


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## mug87

I have so much on my mind, don’t know how to begin.
I have been in relationship with this girl from last 12 years and been married from last 2. Me and My wife are from the same town and attended the same college. We started dating and got into relationship during our college years. After graduation it had mostly been long distance for us, meeting once every two or three months and daily night phone calls. We both went to different colleges for our post graduate degrees. We both have been busy making our career and after a while when we both were at a comfortable stage we got married in 2017.

Six months into marriage I discover that she had been chatting/on calls a lot with this one particular old friend (female) of hers. She would often end her calls when I walked into the room or would not take her calls when I was around. This made me suspicious. I found that she had been actually talking to this guy from her Post graduation class. On asking why she had been lying about the guy, she blasts at me saying that I would not have understood their friendship and when a girl and guy talk/are friends it does not always mean in a romantic/sexual way. This got me highly suspicious as she clearly was over reacting. I acted normal from the next day but started investigating more and more in the background. Over the next two weeks i discovered that they had been doing “love you”,heart and kisses smileys and bit of sex-ting also, even after the marriage.

I immediately confront my wife telling her that i know about the affair and i will divorce her. I will give reconciliation a chance if she tells me complete truth about the affair.

She says that this guy had been luring/approaching her during their PG College days, despite of her making it clear that she was in a serious relationship with me and had no interest in him. He still kept on declaring his one sided love to him. After the college was over they both kept in contact and got jobs in the same town (not planned). It was then the affair started. Since 2015 (we got married in 2017 and then she relocated to my town) they had been together on and off. They got physical only three times she tells me (which initially I believed, but later on after reading/ researching on this/similar forum- I highly doubt). 

She tells me that it was my fault mainly because I never gave her enough time and was always busy with work. The other guy (who was jobless for close to a year after graduating) on the other hand was always available, worshipped her like goddess, showered her with compliments and hence over time she got drawn towards him. But later she realised that I was her true calling/love and hence she married me and not him.

But what baffles me is that during the 2015-2017 time she was kind of two timing as she was with me, almost daily on night phone calls and physically also when i visited her town or she mine. She was also talking to this other guy this whole time on phone (i checked from the phone records) and also physically, as she confessed “three” times.
So come 2017, we get married and 6 months into the marriage she still texts/calls this guy. On asking why did she not end her contact with this guy after the marriage she says that the guy had been threatening her to tell everything about their affair/relationship to me and hence she continued her friendship with him. while the text content clearly show it was more than friendship.

It’s 2019 now, almost two years to our marriage and 1.5 to me discovering the affair. She has ended her contact with this guy. She in 2017-18 used to show remorse and own up at least part of her fault in the events leading to the affair. But now (2018-2019) she completely blames it on me and even says that she is not remorseful at all and I being the kind of person am(in her own words - for neglecting her, not giving her time, judging her, making her feel inferior, ego issues ) deserve it.

All this breaks my heart for I had loved this girl from my whole heart and have never cheated or even flirted with anyone during these 12 years. 

I am completely lost now and feel very sad that why this happened to me and have lost all interest in work/hobbies. I no more feel the kind of love I used to feel for her and really curse the day i got married to her now.
I feel completely broken and feel have no one to share (because of shame and most good friends are common to us as same hometown and college) all this and hence posting it here.


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## notmyjamie

I'm so sorry!! It really sucks when people turn out to be so very different than who we thought they were. It's pretty clear she has no remorse which tells me she is someone who will do this to you again. I'm not one to recommend divorce but in this case I think it's probably a good idea. 

It is never, ever the betrayed spouse's fault that an affair happened. It is HER fault that she is so flawed she thinks having an affair is an acceptable solution to relationship problems. 

I'd call a lawyer as soon as possible to learn your options.

*hugs*


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## Decorum

Wow that is awful. I am sorry. She does not sound like a good partner for marriage.

If you don't mind my saying it would be best to keep everything on one thread here so people can keep up with your story.

How can we support you?


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## Decorum

*Re: Have recently discoverd of wife's affair*



MattMatt said:


> Sorry you are here, but you'll get the best help available @mug87.
> 
> I'll shift your post to the CWI section.


It looks like he has a thread there too.


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## TDSC60

Cheaters almost always minimize what cannot be proven so it was way more than the three times she admits to.

She is still in the affair. It is on-going and has been for years. She never stopped.

She now blames you for her affair. Making excuses for her behavior.

She is not remorseful.

She cannot be trusted.

Time for divorce. Get out while you can.

When a person shows you who they are - believe them. She is not wife material. She sees nothing wrong with marrying you while continuing the affair with the other guy.

Sorry


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## Taxman

So sorry sir, but the answer and attitude is all wrong. If you have read anything on this site, or Surviving Infidelity, or Reddit, or talked to a therapist, the overwhelming opinion on this matter is that problems in the marriage may be split 50/50 but an affair is 100% on the wayward partner. You say she carries no remorse. You say she blames you for her affair. Those two statements say that she is not someone that can reconcile with you at the present time. That may change in the future, but it may not. You said that reconciliation hinged on her remorse and her doing the work that comes with it. Apparently she is incapable at this time. I hate recommending a divorce, however, all evidence from your post points to that being the ultimate destination of this marriage. I wish you the best.


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## Marc878

Your gut instincts were correct upfront. You only know what she's telling you which is the " tip of the iceberg". Cheaters always lie a lot.

She blames you when this affair is all on her. The other man was a part but he was only taking what she was willingly and consciously giving. With that said she has zero remourse which means you have nothing to work with here.

Only married a short time you should just let her go but you can't seem to make a decision which means you are going to wallow in this. You're problably letting your heart and emotions rule you when you should be using your head.

Trust is the most important part of a marriage once you lose that nothing else matters much.

She may have put you where you are but only you can keep yourself there.

Better wake up to reality and deal with this.


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## Marc878

Living in limbo is a self imposed state. No one can keep you there but you.


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## sokillme

You will probably have a better life if you just cut your losses and move on. You only have 2 years of investment where you have to filter and split assets and stuff. Sounds like you don't have kids yet as well. I and others will tell you from experience, life just gets harder in many ways. You will have a better life if you can trust the loyalty of who you are with, trust that they can be counted on when it does. Also what kind of mother do you want for your kids, if you plan to have them. What will her actions teach them, what will her actions do as far as giving them the best start in life. At this point it sounds like you wife isn't even taking responsibility. That's a terrible sign. 

Notice I didn't say anything about you paying attention to her? That is because it is irrelevant in the scheme of an affair. She could have made it plain to you that there were problems, and if she was really unhappy divorced or not married you. What if you get sick or if you need to work like a dog to keep your house. That kind of thing happens all the time and you need a partner who gets that and appreciates that they have to sacrifice too in a crisis. That is not this women. That's not to say you can't do better the next time but people are human and she was free to leave, not to lie and abuse you. Yes affairs are abuse. 

I get that you love her, but JUST love is a terrible reason to be married to someone. She is also not your only path to happiness. You probably won't listen, but one day in the future, if she cheats when you have kids or 20 years of your retirement you might wish you did. That is not uncommon. People cheat because of their nature not because of their circumstance. If was circumstance everyone would do it, and people in much worse marriages then yours don't do it. 

Remember this relationship costs you the most precious commodity in this world -- time.


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## TDSC60

Do not dwell on the "why". It will drive you crazy and solve nothing.

You will never understand because your moral compass and her's are pointing in completely different directions.

Stop living in the past and get your azz to an attorney. She has shown you what kind of woman she is, believe her.


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## MattMatt

Just merged your threads.


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## niceguy47460

Pack her stuff and put it and her out the door and file for divorce asap . she will do it again .


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## niceguy47460

And tell everyone about it .


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## MattMatt

From your use of English (which is grammatically perfect, one of the tells!) I am guessing you are not in either America or the UK?

I'm guessing Indian subcontinent? (If not, my apologies.) 

I am not sure about how things work where you live, but could you arrange counselling?

Could you trust her again?

How easy would a divorce be to arrange?


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## Lostinthought61

you realize that haven't even made it past the honeymoon stage fo your marriage when she cheated...not sure how this will look 10 years down the road...and the fact she tried to blame is totally BS...frankly i would seriously question this marriage before kids get involved.


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## wilson

Lostinthought61 said:


> you realize that haven't even made it past the honeymoon stage fo your marriage when she cheated...not sure how this will look 10 years down the road...and the fact she tried to blame is totally BS...frankly i would seriously question this marriage before kids get involved.


I agree with this 100%. Some people are not meant for marriage. Marriage is life-long commitment. She is not behaving at all in a way which indicates she would be a good life partner. Your sadness and regret is coming through very clearly in your posts, but you need to be realistic about how this marriage will be in 10, 20, 50 years and if you want to put yourself through all that. You only get one life.


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## sunsetmist

You thought you were married, but she is living the single life. Everything is all about her--flirting, lying, cheating, gas-lighting. She blames others--you, other guy for luring, circumstances, whatever. Her method of communication is to attack. That would be miserable to live with.

What does your whole heart love about her? Her looks? Her intelligence? Her personality? Her integrity? IMO: you are 'stuck' because of habit mostly. You really do not know how long she has been unfaithful because you didn't suspect. She is past her infatuation with you and has moved on. Hope you can do the same.


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## lucy999

I am so sorry. What an awful way to start a marriage.

She's got some nerve blaming you for her affair. This is HER fault. Not yours.

Do you see yourself divorcing or reconciling? It wouldn't hurt to consult with a lawyer merely to see what your options are. Doesn't mean you have to do anything-just gather information. 

Another resource that might help put things into perspective for you is chump lady. Just google her. She has a blog about infidelity. She doesn't mince words about cheating and she puts the fault squarely where it belongs-on the cheater. Her motto is, leave a cheater, gain a life.


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## farsidejunky

*Re: Have recently discoverd of wife's affair*

If she is suddenly blaming you, my bet is she is still in contact with him. 

Either way, it is time to end the marriage if that is her attitude. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Wazza

It’s awfully early in the marriage to have these kind of problems. That doesn’t bode well.

You can’t control her, and the fact that she’s been continuously duplicitous for as far back as you can trace with this other guy is a bad sign. What do you think it would take for you to trust her again?


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## Chaparral

Are you able to read their past communications? Even after you caught her she kept it up. Now she is blaming you. Thinking about staying with her must be scary!

What was she telling the other guy about you and her marriage? Does he have a SO? 

If you read other threads here you will see that her three times is laughable. Cheaters follow the same script . You will find three means every chance the were together they were banging. Are you able to see what they were sexting?


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## Mr.Married

Dump and run !!!!!!!!


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## Tatsuhiko

Don't let her waste another minute of your life. She still needs to find herself. Get a divorce and tell her you'll consider reconciling with her in the future once she works through her issues of needing attention from multiple men. After your divorce, start dating other women, most of whom would never dream of doing this to you. 

I'm sorry this happened to you. People make mistakes all the time and you were misled. The test of one's character comes in how quickly he/she can resolve the mistake. Move on without her.


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## personofinterest

Your "wife".....she is just selfish and cruel.

If she had been truly remorseful, she wouldn't be blaming you now. She married you under false pretenses. And he "lured" her? What a crock.

I can't imagine how painful this is, but she is NOT the woman you thought she was.

Someone will inevitably ask why it took so long to marry. Irrelevant. If she got tired of waiting, she could have broken up with you.

My gut says divorce, heal, and find someone who deserves you.


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## Thound

Sorry Ol Hoss, but its time to cut bait. You deserve so much better , and there is better out there.


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## Cynthia

Edit to add: (I'm sorry your wife has betrayed you. I'm sure your mind must be reeling and you must be feeling terrible. I'm sorry I launched into an opinion without considering how you must be feeling. I believe if you take the following advice, it will be of benefit to you.)

You have put so much time and effort into your relationship with your wife. I can understand why you would want to try to make it work. However, from the perspective of a 50+ woman, I can tell you that the best course of action is to cut your losses and run from this evil. She is not going to stop cheating on you. There is nothing you can do about it, because it's something wrong in her. It's nothing to do with you as a person or as a husband. You can't fix someone else's problem for them, especially when she won't even face the fact that this is her problem to solve.

As previously mentioned, the fact that she is blaming you shows that she is not taking responsibility. This shows that she is not going to stop. There are various other problems with this, but the main one is that she will continue to lie and cheat, but blame it on you. Believe me, you don't want to live that way. It's hellacious. 

There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of for running away from the train wreck that is your wife.

1. Find an attorney and file for divorce. Don't even bother talking to her about it. Spend all of your energy working to overcome the feelings of loss and betrayal you are having. She is not for you. She has made herself into your enemy and is a danger to your personal well-being.

2. Hit the gym and start working out 3-6 days per week. You need to get your energy out and feel better.

3. Eat as many vegetables as you can. That will also help you to feel better physically.

4. Find a therapist to help you work through this pain.


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## bandit.45

D-i-v-o-r-c-e


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## [email protected]

Mugs87, you ahve just run into classic WS behavior. Others will point this out to you. File on her and start your hard 180.


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## OutofRetirement

If you knew before you got married, what would you have done?

On another note, top sign of cheating is secrecy of the phone. Second most common sign is behavior. I would say your description falls under change in behavior. The most common behavior is being annoyed, resentful, even angry. 

How would you describe your wife's feelings about you now?

Is she secret about her phone? Do you both know each other's passwords?

How well do you know the other guy? Ever met him or talked to him? Did your wife ever talk about him to you?

When did she end contact? Do you know where he is now?


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## Mr.Married

It's quite possible she is cheating on him again and he just hasn't discovered it yet. It may even be the same guy.


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## BruceBanner

*Re: Have recently discoverd of wife's affair*



mug87 said:


> Hi,
> I have recently discovered of my wife's affair and need some pointers regarding the same.


Sorry. I suggest you get a divorce and don't look back.


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## Talker67

six months in....ugh.
maybe you can have the marriage annulled? like it never happened.


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## jlg07

"But now (2018-2019) she completely blames it on me and even says that she is not remorseful at all and I being the kind of person am(in her own words - for neglecting her, not giving her time, judging her, making her feel inferior, ego issues ) deserve it."
Typical cheater blameshifting and re-writing your history to justify her crappy actions.
She is not who you think she is -- and has now revealed her true self.
1. GET WITH A LAWYER (a shark if possible) to learn what you need to about finances, etc.. Someone who is not remorseful is a VERY poor choice to Reconcile with -- you need to plan for a divorce.
2. EXPOSE her to family/friends -- she will try to re-write and blame YOU for your issues with them -- this way you can get ahead of her on this. YOU should have no shame in this with your friends -- SHE is the cheater, and her reasons are bs -- make that clear to them.
3. IF the POSOM is married/GF, expose them to THAT person also (do NOT tell your wife before hand).
4. Tell her to move out (you can't enforce this, but you can try to guilt her into leaving).
5 .DO NOT have sex with her -- she may try to *****-bomb you. In some jurisdications, if you do that AFTER finding out of her affair, it means you are ok with it. DO NOT do this.
6. You may want to get checked for STDs. You have NO idea where that guy has been.
7. Take care of yourself -- work out, eat right, and try to get the correct amount of sleep (yeah, I'm sure that's hard to do at the moment)

You CAN get through this -- use your anger to make sure you do the above. You deserve better than her, and again, you really DIDN'T know who she was -- she used your trust of her to **** you and your marriage over. Use that anger to make sure the marriage IS over.

Very sorry you are here for this reason.


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## Dyokemm

She blames you for her own crappy choices?

Show her the door.....

I have little tolerance for people who won’t own their own sh*t.


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## michzz

jlg07 said:


> 5 .DO NOT have sex with her -- she may try to *****-bomb you. In some jurisdications, if you do that AFTER finding out of her affair, it means you are ok with it. DO NOT do this.
> 6. You may want to get checked for STDs. You have NO idea where that guy has been.


these are most important for your physical health. Do NOT rely on whatever she may tell you about how "safe" she was while cheating. some STIs, such HPV can be transmitted despite using condoms.

Unfortunately, I know this firsthand. I have a throat cancer given to me by my cheating ex-wife. She brought HPV to our marriage and two decades later I have this cancer. ironically, she has a stronger immune system so cleared it a long time ago.

Good luck!


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## TDSC60

Mr.Married said:


> It's quite possible she is cheating on him again and he just hasn't discovered it yet. It may even be the same guy.


 The more likely possibility is that she never stopped.


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## Chaparral

Has she even said she wants to stay married?


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## aquarius1

If she blames you for everything the message is clear. If you stay, you unfortunately will continue to live in hell on earth. Think about it. If it’s this bad now, imagine 20 years of this? Get out now while you can. I would also follow advice of not having sex with her for multiple reasons, including you most certainly don’t want to bring an innocent child into this **** show.


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## Dragan Jovanovic

Now you do what you needed to do 1,5 years ago,tell her to pack her bags and divorce her. Then you meet someone who will trully love and respect you and you live a hapy life. Simple.


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## scaredlion

Maybe the reason she married him was because he could give her security with home, finance, etc, and the POS didn't have a job but with all the time on his hands he could devote it all to her and make her feel she was getting all the attention she thought she deserved. The best of both worlds. What she doesn't realize is that he can replace her just as fast as she replaced him and with someone who will be the kind of wife he wants. I do wish you well.


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## mug87

Thank you all for your replies !! Really appreciate it.

All your replies seems to suggest to go for Divorce at once, as the relationship is beyond repair.

Yes, I am from India and the way things are here- it's not very easy to get a divorce. I have her phone password. I don't believe (to the best of my knowledge) she is still in contact with that guy. We don't have a kid.


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## mug87

I am in the process of reading and gathering more and more information about Divorce laws currently. I have now realized my mistake and should have separated 1.5 years back only.


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## Robert22205

Why the sudden change in her attitude?

She sounds like someone that is rewriting your relationship in order to justify a current affair. 
Does she work? Does she have an opportunity for an affair? 

They can meet/talk at work, the gym, or during volunteer activities.
And if they use a cell phone they can use an app that auto deletes texts.


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## mug87

Robert22205 said:


> Why the sudden change in her attitude?
> 
> She sounds like someone that is rewriting your relationship in order to justify a current affair.
> Does she work? Does she have an opportunity for an affair?
> 
> They can meet/talk at work, the gym, or during volunteer activities.
> And if they use a cell phone they can use an app that auto deletes texts.


The sudden change in her attitude is what i am not able to figure out. According to her it is done with, we need to move past the cheating episode.

The Guy is in a different city now. She is not working currently but actively looking for work now.


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## farsidejunky

mug87 said:


> The sudden change in her attitude is what i am not able to figure out. According to her it is done with, we need to move past the cheating episode.
> 
> 
> 
> The Guy is in a different city now. She is not working currently but actively looking for work now.


In other words:

"Please help this go away so I don't have to feel shame for having sex with a man who isn't my husband."

Does this even sound right to you?

Really?

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## TDSC60

mug87 said:


> The sudden change in her attitude is what i am not able to figure out. According to her it is done with, we need to move past the cheating episode.
> 
> The Guy is in a different city now. She is not working currently but actively looking for work now.


Maybe she is getting closer to another guy? Getting attention from men (not their husband) can be addictive to cheaters.


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## jlg07

"The sudden change in her attitude is what i am not able to figure out. According to her it is done with, we need to move past the cheating episode."
This is called rug sweeping and DO NOT DO IT! She needs consequences for what she has done to you and your marriage, divorce being among those. She just wants it to go back to the way it was -- but it can't because of what SHE DID.

If you rug sweep, this WILL happen again.


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## manfromlamancha

Hello Mug87,

Sorry to have you here. May I ask if you both are of the same religious background (and that of the OM too)?

Also which part of India are you from?

And finally, to be clear, when you say it got physical, do you mean that they had sex or was it just short of sex ?

I do have a lot of experience with this sort of thing in India hence the questions. I will be able to comment more once I get a better picture.

Take care.


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## Openminded

Don't have a child with her.


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## Lostinthought61

Mug it sounds like she is trying to control the narrative to your life story, you are in charge of your life story and if her transgressions did not sit well with you, (and it shouldn’t) she can not expect you to move forward, and clearly she is rug sweeping this entire event.


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## alte Dame

She sounds like one of those low self-esteem types who have loads of resentment and need to run other people down in order to prop up their own egos. The OM likely did the ego support for her, so she felt that he was a better match for her.

No matter the personality profile, she is a typical cheater. She has lied, cheated, gaslighted, blameshifted, and rewritten the history of your relationship. She wants to sweep it all under the rug now, but I doubt this is because she wants to rebuild your M. Rather, I think she is still in the affair, thus no remorse and no patience for your pain.

I know that 12 years is a long time, but you have lots of years ahead of you and it is much more important that you make healthy choices for your future.

With the blameshifting and no remorse, I don't see how you can continue with R. So sorry that you find yourself here.


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## Cynthia

If there is blame shifting and no remorse, there is no reconciliation. It is called false reconciliation. You cannot trust someone who hasn't owned up to her betrayal.


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## CraigBesuden

Her behavior is inexcusable. But I wonder if getting together so young played a part. I get that you haven’t flirted with any other woman and you’re okay with it. (I would be, too.) But she might need to be single and have some fun for a while.

Sorry but this doesn’t sound like a good R candidate. If she won’t admit culpability and change her ways she must go.


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## My 8 year mistake

Hi mugs, fellow countryman here. You should have left when you found out. If you want to leave now, here are a few pointers:
1. Get a really good lawyer, whip out all the evidence, get your lawyer to leverage it for a quick mediated divorce. 
2. Let people know why you are divorcing. Social pressure works wonders for chasing off waywards. 
3. Be prepared for dv and dowry cases. 
4. Put pressure on her parents via exposure. 

If your ww wants to screw with your and your family, the laws have given her enough leeway to do so. Hence, be pro-active rather than reactive. Your best behaviours should be treated like your weaknesses. Be the worst you can be for her. Treat this seriously.

Take it from someone who tried being a nice guy.


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## My 8 year mistake

CraigBesuden said:


> Her behavior is inexcusable. But I wonder if getting together so young played a part. I get that you haven’t flirted with any other woman and you’re okay with it. (I would be, too.) But she might need to be single and have some fun for a while.
> 
> Sorry but this doesn’t sound like a good R candidate. If she won’t admit culpability and change her ways she must go.


Age doesn't have anything to do with cheating tendencies. A cheater will cheat - because that is their core programming.


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## Cynthia

My 8 year mistake said:


> Age doesn't have anything to do with cheating tendencies. A cheater will cheat - because that is their core programming.


It's not about age. It's about character.


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## Wolfman1968

mug87 said:


> *The sudden change in her attitude is what i am not able to figure out. According to her it is done with, we need to move past the cheating episode.*
> 
> The Guy is in a different city now. She is not working currently but actively looking for work now.



OK, this alone shows that you should not remained married to her.

1. She does not accept responsibility for her actions.
2. She places the blame on YOU. She was just as responsible for anything in the marriage as far as lack of interaction. After all, she also chose not to live in the same city as you, but rather DID live in the same city with the affair partner (even if SUPPOSEDLY by mere coincidence). 
3. She is making no effort to have you heal from her actions, which is a very bad sign for the future relationship. That means she doesn't make you, or your feelings a priority. Is this how spouse should be? (The answer is NO!, of course.)

Have you exposed her affair to the family (either yours or hers or both)? 
India is a more traditional country, and I think that you would feel much more supported if this was exposed to the family. It may help strengthen your resolve.
(I come from a mixed racial/ethnic heritage, and I know that my family's traditional culture would not put up with your wife's pathetic excuses for 1 second.)

In the end, if there is no remorse, there can be no reconciliation or marriage. I think the marriage needs to be ended, and the blame for lack of reconciliation is clearly on your wife, as she has made no effort to heal or improve the marriage, only to hide and forget her misdeeds.


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## Wolfman1968

My 8 year mistake said:


> Hi mugs, fellow countryman here. You should have left when you found out. If you want to leave now, here are a few pointers:
> 1. Get a really good lawyer, whip out all the evidence, get your lawyer to leverage it for a quick mediated divorce.
> 2. Let people know why you are divorcing. Social pressure works wonders for chasing off waywards.
> 3. Be prepared for dv and dowry cases.
> 4. Put pressure on her parents via exposure.
> 
> If your ww wants to screw with your and your family, the laws have given her enough leeway to do so. Hence, be pro-active rather than reactive. Your best behaviours should be treated like your weaknesses. Be the worst you can be for her. Treat this seriously.
> 
> Take it from someone who tried being a nice guy.



OP, it sounds like the specifics of divorce in your country makes divorce a much more complex and risky endeavor. I would listen to people like this poster above who have personal experience with the legal minefield in India.

Oh, and if you haven't already, you need to save ALL the evidence you can. Nothing rebuts false accusations (especially if she would claim DV or Dowry issues as mentioned above) like solid evidence.


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## Decorum

Dont be her sugar daddy!


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## Stormguy2018

Get your ducks in a row and divorce. She is one mean, evil woman.


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## SunCMars

Those years that you lived apart gave your wayward partner license to seek out a male replacement. 
He was a stand-in for you. 

She is one of those people who cannot live alone, be alone. 
She wants company, male company preferred. 

I suspect she looks at life in a practical manner. 
Namely, life is short, she was making the best of it while she could.

Not wasting a minute of it. 
Not sacrificing any of her own pleasure.
She is a hedonist, a common thing.


Part of this comes from lust.
Lust is a natural thing, one of those feelings that needs continuous control.

She cannot be trusted unsupervised. Her 'wanting' urges are stronger than her moral boundaries.

Young people are especially susceptible to this. While she is no longer young, likely with her being close to thirty, the fact remains.

Every time you leave her, the urge for her to interact with someone else will surface. 

This insecurity will pass sometime in her fifties.
Can you wait this long?
Do you want to?

She still has feelings for this shadow lover. 
She would have had sex with him again had you not exposed this. 
Maybe already has, after she married you?

Why would she not? 

They were already physical familiars.
No effort or dancing would be required.
All that would be needed was pre-planning.


King Brian-


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## Lostinthought61

mug87 said:


> The sudden change in her attitude is what i am not able to figure out. According to her it is done with, we need to move past the cheating episode.
> 
> The Guy is in a different city now. She is not working currently but actively looking for work now.


That is your first mistake….do not allow her to dictate the narrative of your marriage…you and only get to determine if you are ready to move on and not her.


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## Talker67

CynthiaDe said:


> It's not about age. It's about character.


That seems to be ignoring the elephant in the corner of the room.

I would add "its all about how horny he/she is". Our bodies are chemically designed to seek out mates. So a lot of times a person who normally has "a good character" just goes a little berserk when they get super horny. It is exacerbated if their then partner is not "putting out"...which in their chemically fogged mind seems like a valid/ethical reason to cheat


----------



## Cynthia

Talker67 said:


> That seems to be ignoring the elephant in the corner of the room.
> 
> I would add "its all about how horny he/she is". Our bodies are chemically designed to seek out mates. So a lot of times a person who normally has "a good character" just goes a little berserk when they get super horny. It is exacerbated if their then partner is not "putting out"...which in their chemically fogged mind seems like a valid/ethical reason to cheat


I disagree. If a person "goes a little berserk when they get super horny," that person has no self-control and therefore poor character. A person of good character is in control of himself.


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## mug87

Hi,
Once again thanks a ton for all your replies and guidance.

To answer few of the questions asked:

-I am from Northern part of India. We belong to same religion (Hindu) although sub sect/caste of all three are different. I don't think the cheating part has to do anything with the religion or sub religion/sect. But getting a divorce gets trickier due to this as the marriage was done against the wishes of our parents initially, being inter caste.

- I do have concrete evidence of both of them engaging in sex(even talking about the morning after pill) before the marriage (while she was in a committed relationship with me). Even her friends/sister knew of me as her boyfriend and the other guy just as a good friend.

-Her affair has mostly been underground/hidden and I really doubt that any of her friends know of it, at all. Post marriage i do have the call logs and text/whatsapp back up where in they are engaging in conversations of all type(of love, missing each other,kisses smileys,good mornings and good nights, bit of sex talks etc.). But at this point of time, I do not have concrete evidence of them having sex after our marriage- and this is a weak point i suppose, as it makes her a cheater(if you define cheating as having sex out of the wedlock) before the marriage and not after. Although the guy has traveled to our city for work once after our marriage and my wife has traveled to his city also once with relatives for some function after our marriage. But have not been able to establish/ no way to establish if they engaged in sex on either visits/occasions.

- From the information i have been able to gather about divorce laws in our country, With the way things are divorce takes 5-6 years at-least if contested and close to two years if mutual (which i highly doubt she- moreover her parents- would agree to)

- I highly doubt that she is still in contact with the guy as he is in different city and i keep a close watch on her phone and phone bills. Maybe she confided in some friend of her partly and the friend (on the basis of the data/info shared with her) would have given her this suggestion, that she did not do anything wrong at-least after marriage , and everyone has a past so , I was over reacting/ stretching the topic too long. This is my best guess of the situation.

- The way things are we, on the outside, are looked upon as ideal/goal couples. And she keeps it that way whenever public appearances are involved. I have learned, again i might be wrong, from all these years that she tries to maintain a very good/perfect image of herself/us among our friends/family etc.

Once again thanks a lot for your support !!


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## leon2100

See a lawyer!!


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## Steelman

It's always the other person't fault.......


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## personofinterest

CynthiaDe said:


> Talker67 said:
> 
> 
> 
> That seems to be ignoring the elephant in the corner of the room.
> 
> I would add "its all about how horny he/she is". Our bodies are chemically designed to seek out mates. So a lot of times a person who normally has "a good character" just goes a little berserk when they get super horny. It is exacerbated if their then partner is not "putting out"...which in their chemically fogged mind seems like a valid/ethical reason to cheat
> 
> 
> 
> I disagree. If a person "goes a little berserk when they get super horny," that person has no self-control and therefore poor character. A person of good character is in control of himself.
Click to expand...

 Exactly! Good grief, the infant I'll justifications some people come up with…


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## manfromlamancha

Hello Mugs87

Thanks for the update. From what you have said, here are some of my thoughts and observations:



It is clear to me that you were her "stable" choice and not her preferred lover. This is a hard pill to swallow I know but IMO, the sooner you accept this the faster and easier it will be to move on. It is clear that she does not love you.


I also agree that religion has nothing to do with it in this case other than was wondering if she felt that she was a "catch" for you and that you were punching above your weight with her (caste, looks, wealth ... whatever). Only you can confirm or not. 


She feels that she has done her necessary period of penance and now wants everyone concerned to move on. That does not mean that she truly loves or respects you and also it does not mean that she might not do it again in the future at some time should the circumstances and opportunity present itself.


She is much more concerned (in true Indian fashion) with her image and other people's perception and so, along with her parents, will do whatever she can to prevent it becoming public knowledge. To some extent, the POSOM has as much a hold over her as you do. She will even go so far as to try and get you to accept that you "deserved it" which, as you know, is ludicrous.


As for him "luring" her and persevering with getting into her pants, sure he did but never forget that she was and up until recently, is, a willing participant. She was horny and had an itch that he scratched very well. She hoped you would never find out, and an interesting thought is, if you had not found out, she would probably still be doing it. This is assuming that she really has stopped now and it hasn't gone underground.


You need to get out of this poisonous situation as quickly as possible (and both sets of parents need to be very clear about this). Your evidence (and the threat of exposure) should be enough to make them see this clearly and also to "motivate" her and her parents to cooperate as fully and quickly as possible.


You need to heal yourself, recover, and then go find someone who truly loves you and will be a suitable partner to you. You should thank your lucky stars that you do not have children and that you found out about this as early as you did. Minimising contact with her is a starting point. Others are to do with staying physically fit, looking good and hanging around people who make you happy.


I really do not think that you need a lot of advice on next steps as you seem to have things in hand.

I wish you all the best and am here if you need to vent or bounce ideas off.

Take care.


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## Lostinthought61

Please please tell me that you will not just roll over and play dead for this marriage if that is the case then expose the affair so she will live with shame.


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## TDSC60

Sex with another while engaged is just as bad or worse than sex with another after marriage. She committed to you when she agreed to be married. She broke that commitment. All that has changed is the official marriage. I hate to say it but I don't think the marriage means much to her. If she had the chance to hook up with her lover, I think she would have done it.


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## scaredlion

I'm not one of those that say, "divorce right now, kick her out." In some situations you don't end something just because it starts getting tough or you have suspicions. Now if she was meeting and having sex with this man at every opportunity, then I would say divorce now. In the western civilization we see anything to do sexually with another person, after the establishment of a committed relationship, as cheating, whether married or not. I know that in some cultures and places where it only becomes cheating after the marriage vows are taken. To her way of thinking, if she has had no sexual contact since marriage then she has not cheated. The texting, may be to her an inappropriate communication that she will not engage in any longer. You say she changed he attitude after two years. Have you ask her what specifically has caused this change other than it's time to get over the affair? I wonder why people sometimes keep questions to themselves when they aren't going to get an answer unless they ask the question. Right now you have about 10 times more power than you think you do. She is very protective of her image. She is protective of the image of her marriage. Have you informed her that if she so much as thinks about contacting the other man that you will take the 6 years it takes to divorce, and in the process burn her whole world to the ground? Two questions....Do you love her?.....Does she love you? All you have to do to solve this whole situation is to be the man you are. First, don't let her bully you. Second, tell her what you want of her in this marriage and if she can't give that then you will end the marriage and she can have the jobless other man. You have power, sir. Use it. I do wish you well.


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## Mr.Married

He's dealing with an Indian marriage. There are PLENTY of things we don't understand. I work with a couple Hindu Indian fellows and their marital world is much different. Family and social
convention is nothing like we are used to.


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## My 8 year mistake

India is a very crowded country with lot of people minding others' business. Unless it is incest, someone or the other would find out when there is an affair. A BH stands to lose quite a lot- respect from friends and family, social standing.

My lawyer is my childhood friend. I have met few of his other clients and it's not pretty seeing some as despondent as them. Underhanded comments about their virility from aquintances is common. I have had a fair share of it. Infidelity is quite uncommon that people don't know how to react or sympathise with the BH. Want to rejoin the rat race? -divorce the WW.

There are two options- divorce or stay. Staying is worse. If there are children involved they would be bullied. Mothers are held in such a high esteem that if they are known as cheaters, the children are made literally pariahs.

The sunk cost equation isn't applicable for staying with cheaters in India. It's like your house already burned down and you're holding on to the white hot ambers. All you can get are 3rd degree burns.


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## Wolfman1968

My 8 year mistake said:


> India is a very crowded country with lot of people minding others' business. Unless it is incest, someone or the other would find out when there is an affair. A BH stands to lose quite a lot- respect from friends and family, social standing.
> 
> My lawyer is my childhood friend. I have met few of his other clients and it's not pretty seeing some as despondent as them. Underhanded comments about their virility from aquintances is common. I have had a fair share of it. Infidelity is quite uncommon that people don't know how to react or sympathise with the BH. Want to rejoin the rat race? -divorce the WW.
> 
> There are two options- divorce or stay. Staying is worse. If there are children involved they would be bullied. Mothers are held in such a high esteem that if they are known as cheaters, the children are made literally pariahs.
> 
> The sunk cost equation isn't applicable for staying with cheaters in India. It's like your house already burned down and you're holding on to the white hot ambers. All you can get are 3rd degree burns.


 Pretty dire description of things in India.

If you don't mind, maybe you can take the lead on advising the OP, given your greater experience in the nuances of Indian divorce and marriage.


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## mug87

Hello,
Again thanks a lot for your time and replies !! To answer some of your questions:

- I used to love her but with each passing day from last 1.5 year or so i feel am falling out of love and now no more love her. To me it's becoming very difficult to even sleep on the same bed with the person - who had so low morals/ethics- who did two timing/cheated despite giving my all to her. It's like she does not matter much to me now. I used to be very caring and concerned about her but now i don't feel the same about her. I used to think she is very true, innocent, transparent and honest all these years. But of late i think of her more as a very shrewd and clever person who carried on two relationships and hid about it very successfully from me for more than 2 years. I used to think that i was street-smart enough and have seen all kinds of people but I now think that she is definitely much much smarter than me.

- The other guy is also married now. He got married few months after ours. 

- Regarding the "catch" scenario (pointed by manfromlamancha). We both by the Grace of God are doing ok financially and belong to similar stature. I don't think she felt that she was a "catch" for me. It maybe rather the other way around. On the looks department the other guy defiantly would be ranked below me. On the financial front the guy used to pretend he was very affluent(which my wife believed also until i showed her proofs after the D day) but on digging out discovered that he used to portray a false image of wealth and on one instance (saying he needs it for something urgent- his ATM card blocked/expired- and would return her) has taken money from my wife, before our marriage, that i know of and she confirms. He has only returned a very small part of the total money borrowed and later my wife stopped reminding him to return the remaining. 

And on one other instance to help him financially, when he lost his job and was searching for other one- my wife went as far as giving him one gold chain of hers, which he sold, and and kept the money with him for his some "urgent" needs. He later only returned a small amount of the money and lied on the amount of cash received for the gold chain. My wife tells me that after this second incidence she started seeing some shortcomings like this - in him. And after this second incident she also used to make excuses if he would ask for money and later he stopped asking. 

On Digging i found out that his financial discipline was poor and owned small amounts to most of his friends/work mates.

- I also personally agree that commitment is a commitment and married or not should not allow one to escape and commit adultery or cheating. I don't think it would have caused less hurt to me had i discovered the affair before marriage- which i so much wish i had. 

-All these years when we were long distance - I did lots of traveling nationally and internationally (for work mostly) but still stuck to my relationship status. I had friends from work in these trips who were also in committed relationships and even married but when would travel outside country would venture into some pleasures at times (gentlemen club/happy ending massages - you get the idea). They would make fun of me for being too serious about it, but that did not affect me at all- as i was happy being totally committed- emotionally and sexually too. I now feel like i was an idiot to be so true to my relationship and working so hard on my career to be settled financially well so that would not be a concern of her parents to give approval for our marriage.

After marriage I only have some SMS/Whatsapp chat screenshots and backup(text file zip) where they are engaging in talks of all kinds some of which are sexual in nature. Also she used to share her picture/selfie (clothed) almost daily once via whatsapp with him. To which he would reply kisses and praises (like very cute or beautiful or stunning or this colour/dress suits you etc.). Also they used to do "Good mornings" & "Good Nights" daily. So they were very much into relationship post marriage also, at-least emotionally.

I spoke to a lawyer (through a friend on phone) and according to him getting a divorce on the account of infidelity alone- would be very very tough -as that with solid proof and only after marriage counts. Our law does not have provision or punish cheating in a committed relationship before marriage. According to the lawyer if i make up my mind and file for a contested divorce, the first thing the girl's lawyer would do is file a domestic violence and dowry/harassment case on me and my parents. And the whole focus would shift from me accusing her of infidelity to me proving my innocence/ not guilty in domestic violence and dowry case. 

According to the lawyer until I have solid proof (hotel invoice, of them talking about it on phone or any video of them going together to some place/house/room etc.) like the date/time/place of them engaging into sexual intercourse, after our marriage, then only it counts as infidelity. Otherwise it is very tough to proof as whatsapp screenshots and back up can be spoofed and the many text sms/ calls exchanged can be just two friends talking.

I personally feel very stuck in this situation and i cannot get out of it. This is affecting my work also a lot. It's like everyday i wake up the first thought that comes to my mind is (while still lying in bed) that "she cheated" & "why did she cheat?" & "wish she had not done what she did". Then I feel very sad and get up, get ready and leave for work. During the course of work I get busy but whenever i am idle or alone again the same thoughts come to my mind. This goes on. I get back home in the evening have dinner. I hardly speak much to her, besides "yes", "no" & what is required. On some occasions she tries harder making me a good meal or insisting we go out on for dinner/movie/shopping, which at times i do as a duty towards her/wife. Bit of pondering on mobile (youtube/games/aim less browsing etc) at bed and the same thoughts once again before sleep.

My mind is still not at terms and fails to understand that she had everything then why she ruined it? God gave her much chances, i was not aware of the affair before marriage. She could have stopped at least after marriage- and no body would have known anything, still she took the risk and continued even after marriage. 

She was perhaps over confident of hiding (as she had for at least two years before our marriage) and thought she could hide it just as she used to before marriage. And then again if she liked that guy so much why did she not marry him and marry me? I wonder what was unique in him that despite of seeing that he was exploiting her financially also she kept on being drawn to him? Was it the sex (maybe he had some unique talent in that department) or the emotional support or rather flattery that he provided? Was she not smart enough to see that what she was doing was wrong? or may be she thought she would carry on like this forever and not get caught? at times i think that why did all this happen at all to me- was it something really bad i had committed (maybe unknowingly) for which God was punishing me?- All these thoughts run in my mind everyday and make me super angry at times or makes me feel like crying/very depressed at times. These thoughts come on a daily basis and consume all of me.


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## Rubix Cubed

mug87 said:


> She was perhaps over confident of hiding (as she had for at least two years before our marriage) and thought she could hide it just as she used to before marriage. *And then again if she liked that guy so much why did she not marry him and marry me?* I wonder what was unique in him that despite of seeing that he was exploiting her financially also she kept on being drawn to him? Was it the sex (maybe he had some unique talent in that department) or the emotional support or rather flattery that he provided? Was she not smart enough to see that what she was doing was wrong? or may be she thought she would carry on like this forever and not get caught? *at times i think that why did all this happen at all to me- was it something really bad i had committed (maybe unknowingly) for which God was punishing me?*- All these thoughts run in my mind everyday and make me super angry at times or makes me feel like crying/very depressed at times. These thoughts come on a daily basis and consume all of me.


 She didn't marry him because she knew she could keep him on the hook AND marry you. She wanted the attention of both of you (and maybe more), not just one. It has NOTHING to do with any deficiency on your part. It has everything to do with a deficiency in character on her part. So GOD is not punishing you, you just got fooled by the woman you "thought" she was when you married her.
In short:* "It's not you, it's her."*



_


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## SunCMars

The problem is, she violated your trust from the beginning. She had sex with another man while engaged to you.

The _bigger problem_ is she continued to text, talk, flirt, sext with him after marriage. This _bigger problem_ cannot be excused, by any stretch of logic or understanding.
Or, from any compassion.

If she ended contact with him after marriage....
This 'if', never happened.

She is not your wife, she is not OP's lover. She lives alone, in truth.

She has given of herself totally to no man. She has let two men sample her, neither can claim her as his own.

What a way to live out life. 
Ugh.

This is what happens when gold and comfort is, becomes more valuable than true love.

Her scale, the one she weighed things on prior to partner picking, has a thumb on it. 

A thumb that can measure gold, not giving grist to growing green, love.
She loves the other man, likes you, maybe. 


KB-


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## Lostinthought61

Mug it does sound you are stuck....you should get a hold of the wife of this man and tell her to be aware of his history, if that is possible. in the mean time i would talk to your wife and tell her that as of this morning you will move out of your bedroom and that while you must stay married for now, you are officially not in love with her. she will clearly not get pregnant with your child so if she does get pregnant, it will not be your child...so at that time you will have your evidence. until then if you can get a PI who can monitor her electronic devices may also get you some more material. i wish you well brother


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## Imnobodynew

I have another freind from India, who's wife cheated, but both his family and her family her were here in the United States. He handed it like this. He called all of them.. his parents and hers into his home for a party. Presented all the evidence. Told her and her parents he would never have kids with her and he wanted to quietly set her free so she could pursue what he wanted and needed in her life ( that he obviously couldn't provide for her) her mother slapped her btw.. but he got equitable terms in the divorce in exchange for his silence.... a thought.


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## SunCMars

Your' only rub is that time from filing to the time ending in divorce.

In India, it takes years for the unsettled chaff and chatter to settle down.

The sooner the papers are filed, the sooner it will end.

Start the process, before you get older and maybe wealthier.

Her Prarabdha Karma has ripened, she needs to eat of it, this, her transgressions.
Her past and her after marriage unkind acts have given her, this spoiled fruited paap.


KB-


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## Chaparral

Can you get PIs in India to set up recording devices in India that are legal in court. If not to prove her infidelity to prove you have not or ever did mistreat her by getting her to talk about all of this?


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## mug87

Thank you for your replies ! Very sorry for late reply from my side.

- I have already told her that i do not love her anymore and feel the same about her.
- I have also told her that we are not having a baby, ever. She at times says she wants to adopt one in that case.
- I am pretty sure she is no more in contact with this guy anymore.
- I had a partial discussion on this with my parents. But they don't see it as a big issue, as nothing (physical - that i can prove to them) happened after marriage - so they are like everyone makes mistakes/flirts a bit before marriage. According to them i should forget about it as she is no more in contact with the guy, at present and make our relationship stronger.
- "to prove you have not or ever did mistreat her by getting her to talk about all of this" using recording device or mobile phone conversation, i am working on it.


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## BarbedFenceRider

Maaan!!!! Talk about some FOO issues! Mom and Dad equate a long term affair as "flirting"....WOW! And then to not listen when you tell them you don't love her anymore. And all of a sudden, babies become the topic of conversation. Not just no, but HELL NO. Divorce her and move on....Toxic relationship that will be your undoing....


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## michzz

I don't care what part of the world you live in, want to be in, or want to go to. if your fiancee or wife cheats on you, then it is time to put her out of the house or go yourself.

Get a divorce. She does not share your values.

I work with men from India that go home from the USA to get a bride (arranged marriages). It can be done, they swear their wives are honorable women.

You do not have to put up with this nonsense at all.


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## [email protected]

Listen to michzz. He has it right.


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## mug87

Hello,
As i understand the common consensus of all/most members, who have faced similar situation/have similar experience/past, is to go forward with divorce and not waste time. Divorce is the only way forward.

I will have to figure out how to proceed with it, so that it takes minimum time and drama.

Thanks for the clarity.


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## mug87

After the Dday, I was in a state of shock and initially tried to work on the marriage, and thought will forget/get over/pass as times passes. I even told her I forgave her and told myself the same. 

During the same period i was going though more stuff because my father was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor just after our marriage and his operation ( his report states it as "laparoscopy assisted right hemicolectomy") to remove the same was being planned. The operation was done in late 2017 and has recovered and is fine now. He has to get checks done every 3 months to see if it comes back, but by the grace of God all has been fine in these 2 years. 
So during this time my personal issues took a back seat and all my energies were being devoted to his medical care and me feeling sorry that why all of a sudden so many real bad things are happening. 

I did not knew anything about infidelity then and genuinely believed that my wife was being led into the affair by the OM. I believed all the Bulls**t reasons and explanations given by my wife which led her into the affair. I took the OM as a cunning manipulating guy who misled my "innocent" wife to have an affair with him. Moreover I believed that I was also at fault and responsible for her affair (by not giving her much time and other reasons she fed me). I was afraid to discuss this topic with anyone in the family or friends initially. I thought what it's just a phase and we would pass over it. And it would be awkward (specially for my wife) when we are out of it.

I thought as time would pass we will get over it. Later realized that the her affair was haunting me and the opposite happened i got more and more depressed over time, felt very low and at times even contemplated/planned suicide. I felt what was the point of living? with all this pain in my heart from the betrayal. It will never be the same again. I was so low on living that nothing mattered to me anymore. All my time was consumed on thinking about the Why's and How's?

Then around a year or so back i started reading on the subject and realized that infidelity is a very common thing now a days. During that time only i discovered this forum. On reading stuff here i realized that the story told to be earlier was BS and that is how all spouses react when the affair is discovered. 

Then i started investigating more and from the clues and got the complete picture, extent and timeline of the affair. I was told a lot less about (timeline and extent of) the affair initially. And when i got this complete picture in front of me what ever little feelings i had for her also vanished. It was like a second dday for me. As time went by starting 2019 by reading more on the subject, I got stronger but still felt trapped and was not able to arrive at any conclusion (still hoping that as time goes by things will become better). Six months into 2019 nothing got better. So then finally decided to post here to get perspectives from others who had faced a similar things in the past.

And now when i am clear in my mind that i need to get Divorce, i feel much more stronger and positive. I feel that this clarity is what i much needed.


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## bandit.45

Don't expose her to shame her. 

Expose her to protect your own reputation and honor. Those are worth something. And her family, especially her parents, need to know the truth. They need to know what a conniving selfish, daughter they raised.


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## lovelygirl

I am so sorry to be reading about the awful laws in India!!!

:|
So much torture before divorcing!!! You should definitely record her saying that you haven't harmed her in any way whatsover so that you can prove it in the court! It's appalling how the blame could be shifted from her infidelity to you (supposedly) acting violently towards her! :slap:

So much crap! Get a good lawyer and it's worth going through some long divorce process rather than getting stuck in a fake marriage for the whole lifetime! 

Choose the lesser evil.


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## Dragan Jovanovic

Now you divorce and go find some nice lady and be happy once again in your life. Wish you all the luck!!


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