# Feeling like my husband is lying and hiding things from me



## srcampbell1975 (Sep 12, 2012)

I'm fairly new to the site and so this post maybe a bit long, sorry...but I need some advice from someone other than my Therapist 
My husband and I have been together 6 years and married only 2. When we dated and lived together I trusted him with everything, my life even. Then things started to change about a year before we married, maybe less than a year. His friends kept telling me that he is lying about this and that. I've felt that he had been lying or keeping something from me. But I shrugged it off until my gut got the best of me. I started snooping and found out some things that made me ill. (i posted on that in someone elses post about intuition). although it made me ill, I tried to push it to the back of my mind and not want to think about it or dwell on it. So then we get married. We shared finances prior to our marriage, then very soon after we married, he got his own accounts and depositied his checks into that account, for which i had no access what so ever. He refused to let me see the accounts. Said he had a checking and savings and was saving for us a house. Well here it is two years later and we are still living with family. He recently said that the checking account he had got hacked into or something and the bank put a freeze on both accounts, checking and savings. They will not let him into the accounts to withdraw the savings to put in our now JOINT account (i begged for this account, told him if he didnt do it, then he could move out). The banks stating that he has to have his actual social security card to access and withdraw the money since there is a safety freeze on the accounts. He said 3 weeks ago that he went to get the SS card, they gave him a temp, he took that to the bank and they still would do nothing to help. The problem here is that he says we have a significant amount saved up, however when I called the bank to ask them if the accounts were froze like he says they are, does he really have to have the SS card to access them. They said in some cases they do. However they would not give me much info on the account since i am not on the account. 
Here is my problem with this, He has lied, potentially cheated, hid things and told me things just to shut me up over the past two years...should I believe that this is the case with the bank or is it just another lie and he is afraid to admit that he has effed up!!! no one in my family trust him, especially the part of the family that we are living with. They have watched him lie and hurt me so many times in the last 3 years. I've never given this man a reason to lie to me or treat me in the ways that he has. i've been honest about everything, i've upheld my end as far as our marriage vows go. only thing i may not give him as much sex as he would like, but its hard to when ya dont trust someone or they have pressured you into initiating sex. (which after my last husband, I stopped initiating all together because he made me feel like a *****) 
i'm having a really hard time trusting him and the things that he tells me, but I cant prove that he is lying to me. Something just feels off to me. i've tried searching emails, but he changes his emails all the time. We get notices weekly from cash advance places wanting his business....and ya just dont get those in the mail unless you have tried to get one...its all just making me sick with anxiety, stress, depression....you name it. im feeling it!! just need some advice please and thank you :banghead:


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

First mistake, you married him knowing things weren't right. 
Second mistake you continue to stay when all the red flags are in front of you. 

If you want to stay with him that is up to you. However, IMO if you do, this will be your life with this man. Lies, secrets, hidden things etc etc. Thats not a marriage. 

If you choose to leave, make sure you get in touch with a lawyer if need be, and make sure you have some place to go. Always have a plan B.


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

OP - it certainly sounds like he is hiding something. Life is too short, and if you feel that he's lieing, maybe it's best to ask him to leave.

There's really only a few reasons to keep an account from your spouse - affair being one of them. Maybe if he had some addictions, that would be another reason.

I would also consider moving your money into your own account, that he has no access to.

Sometimes we just need to trust our instincts.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> First mistake, you married him knowing things weren't right.
> Second mistake you continue to stay when all the red flags are in front of you.
> 
> If you want to stay with him that is up to you. However, IMO if you do, this will be your life with this man. Lies, secrets, hidden things etc etc. Thats not a marriage.
> ...


:iagree:








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