# What's the most demanding time raising a child?



## BeachGuy

My kids are 11 and 15 and I can't recall another time that I have felt so overwhelmed and busy with life than right now. Seems like everyone always wants something from me at home and work is busy as ever and I'm older and the house needs repairs and the cars need fixing and blah blah blah. Prime example; I'd been sitting at the table working on my taxes for hours (with interruptions from my kids) when I start hearing an unfamiliar noise. It's the washing machine on spin cycle but it ain't spinning. Just making a racket. I was like really? What next? PS- I fixed it the next day.

Life is backwards. We should get younger and stronger and have more energy as we get older and wiser.


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## MSP

Daytime.


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## Rowan

For me, it was when I was married and trying to keep up with making my perpetually critical husband happy, meet his constantly shifting needs, work, keep myself up, and raise my child with close to zero help. Since I've divorced, I'm actually amazed at how much easier it is to be a good parent. Children can be physically, emotionally and mentally draining. I apparently lack the wherewithal to deal with more than one person at a time with that level of need.


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## karole

I only have 1 child - a girl. I have to say that the hardest time with her was age 14-16. I was about ready to ship her off to boarding school!!


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## Amplexor

Before they could drive them selves to school, soccer, basket ball, theater, debate team, poetry slams, the mall, dates, movies, friends houses....... Bonus points we can have them run to the store, pick up dry cleaning, shuttle each other, pick up grandma for Sunday dinner......


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## jld

It was so hard when they were all little. All that nursing, nighttime nursing, babies needing to be held, everyone needing something. So exhausting.

I love having teenagers. Such interesting discussions, and they are so helpful. I really learn a lot from them.


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## kag123

I will be following this thread. I have two kids that are 11 mos apart so we are going through their stages all at the same time, which has been both great and incredibly awful at the same time. I can't imagine how parents of true multiples must feel. 

They are 4 and 5 right now and I absolutely love this age with them. I wish I could have ten more years with them just like this. 

For us, the baby years were hardest. But a lot of that had to do with our life circumstances at the time as well. I found being pregnant back to back to be very hard, especially the last few months of my second pregnancy trying to change diapers and carry around and care for a 10 month old that is 100% dependent on you.

It was also hard when they were both babies...double strollers, all the gear, both waking up at night, both crying at the same time. Its gotten easier every year since. I have a feeling it will get hard again in the teen and preteen years.


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## VeryHurt

Most demanding time? Hmmmm........I would have to say from their birth till your death!!!


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## EI

Mrs. John Adams said:


> From the time they are born until you die





VeryHurt said:


> Most demanding time? Hmmmm........I would have to say from their birth till your death!!!


:iagree:

I was trying to figure out exactly how to describe it. When I read these two responses, I saw that it had already been described perfectly. Mine are 26, 24, 23, 21, and 19. The oldest three are out of our house, living on their own, and paying their own way in the world. The youngest two are still living at home and bleeding us dry. Still, every single one them keep me busy 24/7. Add our 2 1/2 year old grandson into the mix and I'm tired. I was tired yesterday, I was tired the day before, I was tired last week, last month, and last year, etc. I fully anticipate that I will still be be tired tomorrow. 

But, at the end of the day, there is NOTHING that I'd rather be doing than taking care of my husband and our children. Yes, it's demanding, but it's so worth it!


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## Openminded

I have one son, 42. You never stop worrying about your child. As for the worse time? The teenage years once driving began. Having a child drive is both good and bad. I'm glad I only went through it once.


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## Giro flee

My husband and I have different answers. I was most exhausted when our four kids were five and under. Like jld said, the nursing, the night time feedings, constant supervision needed, it was physically and intellectually exhausting. My husband didn't really help with much of that and it was completely draining for me.

My husband feels more pressure now as they are teens. The driving, homework, jobs, money, arguments. He has to be more involved now. He wants to think of them as adults and I keep reminding him that the brain isn't fully formed until 25! Just because they are all tall doesn't mean they think like adults. When all else fails I point out that they are nicer teenagers than he was, way less trouble than he was.


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## Oldfaithful

Any time they are awake?


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## BeachGuy

Giro flee said:


> My husband feels more pressure now as they are teens. The driving, homework, jobs, money, arguments. He has to be more involved now. He wants to think of them as adults and I keep reminding him that the brain isn't fully formed until 25! Just because they are all tall doesn't mean they think like adults. When all else fails I point out that they are nicer teenagers than he was, way less trouble than he was.


Maybe that's part of it for me too. My wife never breast-fed and I participated in fully half the night time feedings, diaper changes, etc. In fact she was bed-ridden the first 2 weeks after our first child was born so it was me doing everything. Now the kids come to me with most issues because their mom is so indecisive about everything. My oldest will be 15 in two weeks and is anxious to drive and I know I'll be the one teaching her while my wife is trying to convince her not to get her learner's permit for awhile longer.

I know you never stop raising kids. I just wondered what stage people thought was more demanding. I'm 51 and I still bug my parents.


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## Jellybeans

Anytime.

Yesterday I was in a store where a woman was shopping with her teenage daughter. The daughter wanted some things and her mom was offering the opinion that perhaps the sizing was wrong and she went off on her mom. Then she started saying she wanted something else and her mom said "No" and she went off and all "Whyyyyyyyyyyyy, mommy? WHY? I want it! You need to get it for me!" and being really rude and generally disrespectful to her mother.

All I could do was look at that girl and thank God for her that her mom isn't my mom. Because my mom would have laid me out right there for the world to see.


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## john117

Physically 1 year old to 3 year old.

Mentally thru middle school.

Emotionally high school to college.

These are listed in terms of difficulty. I'd rather deal with Super Colic than with a drama queen teenager...


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## over20

john117 said:


> Physically 1 year old to 3 year old.
> 
> Mentally thru middle school.
> 
> Emotionally high school to college.
> 
> These are listed in terms of difficulty. I'd rather deal with Super Colic than with a drama queen teenager...


:iagree:

Exactly this!


Our's our 20,18,16,12......the mental is very draining...I miss the toddler days


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## Holland

Every stage we have gone through is the most demanding time. Right now it is the teenage years. OMG!!!!

Thankfully the ex and I put in a good effort to raise good, well mannered, critical thinking kids when they were younger. Every now and again I see flashes of the good kid underneath the difficult teenager. I love my kids to pieces but some days I just need to sit down with a bottle of wine to help me through


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## john117

We lucked out in that our girls took after their parents in every aspect - but selectively. So all I have to do is think what I would do and that handles our younger girl - and think what my wife will do for the older one.


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## skype

The first 3 years are physically hard, and the teenage years are emotionally hard.

The child who once adored you now thinks you are the dumbest creature on earth. You wonder what happened to the smart, sweet 10 year old. You wonder if all your efforts were wasted on this smart-ass, lazy, messy, disorganized teenager.

But sometimes, if you are patient, a twenty-something makes you proud that you endured those awful teenage years.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Before spinal surgery. Poop of every kind imaginable and pee up to 20 times a day. Chasing a diagnosis for so many years. While having another baby to raise as well, and a teen too. And working. And dealing with what turned out to be a bad relationship choice.

Now it's all good. I won't go into details because it's so nice it will make you sick and roll your eyes.


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## john117

I think I mentioned our story... Both me and the wife decided to go for our doctorates after spending a decade in corporate America. We had a preschooler already so I got a fellowship from work, spent my hours doing research and going to school full time while raising said preschooler. Meanwhile wife worked half time and school / research also full time. We had our second girl in the middle of the semester. Those 4-5 years were he11 especially with no support from anyone but it was fun.


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## jld

I must be the odd one out, because I love having teenagers. So independent, so smart and interesting. I learn so much from them. And it is such a pleasure to see them finding their path in life.

Not that little ones aren't a joy in their own way, too, lol!


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## SunnyT

They say the first 40 years are the roughest.


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## Alisha1

I would love to be able to get stronger as I get older. Some days it just seems the opposite though as there are so many issues going on!


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## Kria

SunnyT said:


> They say the first 40 years are the roughest.


That's true. I recently turned 40 and I'm still giving my mother trouble. lol


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## omgitselaine

There really isn't a more or less demanding time for a parent IMHO. 

Our children have their needs and demands all times of the day where it can be so exhausting and frustrating at times but nothing in life beats parenthood .......... nothing !!!!


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## DoF

Jellybeans said:


> Anytime.
> 
> Yesterday I was in a store where a woman was shopping with her teenage daughter. The daughter wanted some things and her mom was offering the opinion that perhaps the sizing was wrong and she went off on her mom. Then she started saying she wanted something else and her mom said "No" and she went off and all "Whyyyyyyyyyyyy, mommy? WHY? I want it! You need to get it for me!" and being really rude and generally disrespectful to her mother.
> 
> All I could do was look at that girl and thank God for her that her mom isn't my mom. Because my mom would have laid me out right there for the world to see.


x2

Teenage (early puberty 11-12 until 15-16) have been the hardest for us so far from a mental perspective.

Form a physical perspective, probably infant > 5, but those were by far our favorite parenthood years.


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## Happyfamily

SunnyT said:


> They say the first 40 years are the roughest.


lol. I think a lot of people have way more difficult lives than me. For example those with autistic children. Cancer. A broken home. Abusive husband. I have a lot of empathy for people that face the difficult stuff. 

When is it difficult to have a child? When things are screwed up big time. This guy (hubby) isn't perfect. He's come close to blowing it. But he pulled out and is behaving himself. Still, resentments linger. Life would be much more demanding being a single mom though. A lot of what I hope for with these children would go down the drain.


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## daffodilly

karole said:


> I only have 1 child - a girl. I have to say that the hardest time with her was age 14-16. I was about ready to ship her off to boarding school!!


:iagree:I'm there now with my oldest daughter. I have to say she drives me to drink. Makes taking care of the younger twins a walk in the park


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## DoF

daffodilly said:


> :iagree:I'm there now with my oldest daughter. I have to say she drives me to drink. Makes taking care of the younger twins a walk in the park


Don't give up, she will turn the corner. You will have to do a lot of pride swallowing too.

Punish her accordingly......

Best advice I have is, make sure she gets enough sleep (AT LEAST 9 hours!!!). 

How does the saying go? If your teenager doesn't hate you, you are not doing your job as a parent. To an extent of course.

our daughter turned a corner about 3-4 months ago and it has been SO much relief for us. Now we have a 12 year old boy stepping into that phase.....another 11 on the edge of it.......and 8 year old to come.

Fun Fun Fun


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## daffodilly

DoF said:


> How does the saying go? If your teenager doesn't hate you, you are not doing your job as a parent.


Well, in that case, we're doing our job so well we should be getting a raise and promotion any day now :rofl:


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## DoF

daffodilly said:


> Well, in that case, we're doing our job so well we should be getting a raise and promotion any day now :rofl:


Raise and promotion = her making you VERY proud one day (it's worth so much more than money or title  )

I also spend a lot of time teaching my daughter about facebook/internet and gaps in communication over chat etc.

Although she has learned A LOT of it the hard way (which validated my "teachings".

PS. She has no smartphone but at 16 acquired a tablet.

She has no facebook account and doesn't even want it (smart girl....smart girl...)


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## Miss Taken

Right now my nearly 10 year old is giving me more grief than my 19 month old. The 19 month old needs me more obviously so is demanding in his own way but being so young, he is easy to please and even on his cranky days is manageable.

I think my nearly ten year old is just about to begin puberty or something because he has major mood swings lately. When he's happy he's fabulous and a joy to be around but otherwise, he's snarky or emotional and it's starting to wear on my nerves. I hate to rag on about him because I really do adore him but tonight he is gone for a sleepover and I have no guilt about saying I am glad about it. I cringe when I think about the teen years to come.

Thinking back about me, I think I was a horrible little sh!t from the ages of eleven to fourteen lol.


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## coffee4me

DoF said:


> How does the saying go? If your teenager doesn't hate you, you are not doing your job as a parent. To an extent of course.


Then I'm probably doing the worst parenting job ever. They can get therapy for not hating me when they get older


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## Anonymous07

Mrs. John Adams said:


> From the time they are born until you die


:iagree:

As my son gets older(10 months old now), I had thought maybe things would get easier, but nope, the challenges just change. I no longer worry about his breathing and sleep issues, but now the worry is him hurting himself with learning how to walk. I don't have to carry him around, but now have to watch that he doesn't get into things he shouldn't(keep redirecting him) and make sure he's safe. As he gets older from now, the challenges will change again. It's never ending.


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## coffee4me

Anonymous07 said:


> As my son gets older(10 months old now),
> 
> but now have to watch that he doesn't get into things he shouldn't(keep redirecting him) and make sure he's safe. .


I have those same challenges with my 16 year old. See things don't change that much


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## Anonymous07

coffee4me said:


> I have those same challenges with my 16 year old. See things don't change that much


Ya, I was thinking about that the other day. The challenges just keep changing and the worrying never ends. Although I can do without all the diaper changes.


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## Lyris

I find things much much easier with a four and seven year old than with a new born and a two year old. Tbh I find them delightful and easy most of the time.


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## john117

Give it ten years or so and you'll change your mind


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## karole

daffodilly said:


> :iagree:I'm there now with my oldest daughter. I have to say she drives me to drink. Makes taking care of the younger twins a walk in the park


My heart goes out to you Daffodilly. The mood swings - OMG, it was horrible! Thank goodness it does get better, so try to hang in there!


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