# Wondering about War Room...



## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Did anyone go see it? I get the feeling it puts blame on the BS and that they're the sinful ones for being bitter their WS cheated. Am I correct on this? I'm kinda getting tired of this viewpoint. I'm four years in after discovering my WS lied to me for almost a decade. It's been totally devastating to discover my life with him had been a lie. I'm sorry I stayed. Years later he gets the compassion from everyone and I'm the one that is bad cause I'm still struggling. I'm just wondering if this movie is helpful or makes us look like the bad ones cause we're still hurting. You don't get over this crap, it's life changing.


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## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

You only get over it if you get out of the relationship, otherwise it's always there, sometimes it's manageable and sometimes it's not.

You've wasted 14 years of your life with this ongoing struggle, it's not getting better and at some point you're going to have to take a hard look at your options.

Seems like anything is better than staying in this relationship and it's constant misery.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

As a general rule, I find Hollywood versions of infidelity to be nauseating. However, I haven't seen the movie you are referring to.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

The movie was fantastic and put the blame for infidelity on the cheater.

It made all the characters own their behavior and I actually felt encouraged and inspired.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Truth of the matter some, not all, BSs seem to do their level best to push their spouses into either leaving or vulnerable to an affair. Even a dog that's left unloved, ignored, abused, etc., may take up with the neighbor. You rally cannot blame the dog.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

You're kidding me. I did none of those things, matter of fact the summer he cheated I planned several awesome things for him and our young family. I loved him and did things for him. I don't take blame for him and his coworker screwing the 19 year old assistant on a business trip.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

And that right there is the stigma and BS I have to endure cause he was a selfish jerk. People look at me like I did something wrong or wasn't good enough. Ya, I guess I wasn't a 19 year old druggie homewrecking ****. I guess I was too boring being a wife and mom. And FYI, this girl was also having an affair with ANOTHER coworker whose wife was pregnant with their second baby. She basically screwed the entire company.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

But, boys will be boys and it's my duty to forgive him, right? That's the crap I'm constantly being told, I have no emotional support from anyone. He's ruined our finances, I've got two I'm worried about sending off to college... I have a job with nice benefits, but don't make enough to even pay for an apartment in my area. I'm so frustrated.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

hurtingbadly said:


> But, boys will be boys and it's my duty to forgive him, right? That's the crap I'm constantly being told, I have no emotional support from anyone. He's ruined our finances, I've got two I'm worried about sending off to college... I have a job with nice benefits, but don't make enough to even pay for an apartment in my area. I'm so frustrated.


It is never a BSs fault that their WS cheated.

That is on them. Even neglected or abused spouses can draw a hard line or leave.

No one makes someone else start fvcking other people. No buts.

Who the hell is guilt tripping you? Probably some cheaters in the mix.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> Truth of the matter some, not all, BSs seem to do their level best to push their spouses into either leaving or vulnerable to an affair. Even a dog that's left unloved, ignored, abused, etc., may take up with the neighbor. You rally cannot blame the dog.


You walked across a wide open field and still stepped right in it....


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## D1C (Aug 29, 2015)

If you're that bitter, leave....


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## D1C (Aug 29, 2015)

ThePheonix said:


> Truth of the matter some, not all, BSs seem to do their level best to push their spouses into either leaving or vulnerable to an affair. Even a dog that's left unloved, ignored, abused, etc., may take up with the neighbor. You rally cannot blame the dog.


Very few people will admit to that....very few


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

There are always alternatives to cheating. People who cheat do so because they have poor coping skills...or because they just want to.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

The movie was good, but it's not "Hollywood". None of the characters were played by actual professional actors; they act for this duo of producers but all of the movies have been Christian themed. And there wasn't actual sexual betrayal, just thinking about it.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

hurtingbadly said:


> Did anyone go see it? I get the feeling it puts blame on the BS and that they're the sinful ones for being bitter their WS cheated. Am I correct on this? I'm kinda getting tired of this viewpoint. I'm four years in after discovering my WS lied to me for almost a decade. It's been totally devastating to discover my life with him had been a lie. I'm sorry I stayed. Years later he gets the compassion from everyone and I'm the one that is bad cause I'm still struggling. I'm just wondering if this movie is helpful or makes us look like the bad ones cause we're still hurting. You don't get over this crap, it's life changing.


No, I didn't get that feeling at all. The movie felt like a religious based 180. Also, as much as I dislike Bible thumping movies, it blamed each person for their terrible choices to me.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Pheonix and D1C, exactly why are you both assuming it's my fault he cheated on me? You make judgments about other people without even knowing them or their story? This is the humiliation the betrayed typically have to deal with, people assuming something was wrong with them and that's why they got cheated on. That's total BS. I can admit I made a mistake when I didn't divorce him when I first found out, but I won't admit to ignoring him and pushing him to cheat. Guess what my husband came home to after that business trip? Balloons and a banner. No kidding. It was his birthday that week. I remember my kids and I being so excited to see him and him walking in and being cold toward us. That night I asked if he felt bad and gave him a back rub, thought he had a headache. No, I won't admit to pushing him to cheat. He had a young family that loved him and he risked it all so he could screw the company *****. Your story might have been that way, but that was not my story. So quit making assumptions!


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Not coming back. Just wanted to know about the movie. I've got enough causing me anxiety than a couple jerks trying to get me upset. What an odd thing to do... Have a great day!


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

hurtingbadly said:


> Pheonix and D1C, exactly why are you both assuming it's my fault he cheated on me? You make judgments about other people without even knowing them or their story? This is the humiliation the betrayed typically have to deal with, people assuming something was wrong with them and that's why they got cheated on. That's total BS. I can admit I made a mistake when I didn't divorce him when I first found out, but I won't admit to ignoring him and pushing him to cheat. Guess what my husband came home to after that business trip? Balloons and a banner. No kidding. It was his birthday that week. I remember my kids and I being so excited to see him and him walking in and being cold toward us. That night I asked if he felt bad and gave him a back rub, thought he had a headache. No, I won't admit to pushing him to cheat. He had a young family that loved him and he risked it all so he could screw the company *****. Your story might have been that way, but that was not my story. So quit making assumptions!


It's absolutely NOT your fault. Your husband's affair is about his character and not yours. Ingnore anyone who would tell you differently.


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## D1C (Aug 29, 2015)

hurtingbadly said:


> Pheonix and D1C, exactly why are you both assuming it's my fault he cheated on me? You make judgments about other people without even knowing them or their story? This is the humiliation the betrayed typically have to deal with, people assuming something was wrong with them and that's why they got cheated on. That's total BS. I can admit I made a mistake when I didn't divorce him when I first found out, but I won't admit to ignoring him and pushing him to cheat. Guess what my husband came home to after that business trip? Balloons and a banner. No kidding. It was his birthday that week. I remember my kids and I being so excited to see him and him walking in and being cold toward us. That night I asked if he felt bad and gave him a back rub, thought he had a headache. No, I won't admit to pushing him to cheat. He had a young family that loved him and he risked it all so he could screw the company *****. Your story might have been that way, but that was not my story. So quit making assumptions!



You're so far into attack mode, you're seeing things that arent there. I never said anything about you, other than if you're so bitter, leave.


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## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

hurtingbadly said:


> Pheonix and D1C, exactly why are you both assuming it's my fault he cheated on me?


They were talking about the movie and making general statements, nothing was directed at you or about you. 

You're taking everything completely the wrong way. 

Maybe this is the type of communication problems you had in the marriage and that can lead to an unhappy spouse which in turn can lead to cheating. 

I'm speaking in general terms of course.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

hurtingbadly said:


> Pheonix and D1C, exactly why are you both assuming it's my fault he cheated on me?


'

I'm not. You know your situation and how you treated him. Some men and woman lack integrity and they have personality flaws where they are going to cheat. Your old man may be one of these and like to feel the notches on his belt.
However, I've seen many cases where the BS's actions are not conducive to holding up their end of the marriage. Some of this group's partners will put up with it, some will leave, and some will seek comfort in the arms of another. 
Additionally, those that choose maybe going down the cheater's highway are not thinking, "gee, I need to avoid doing this because it may hurt my spouse". They are liking thinking, "if he/she would have put me first, been a little more intimate, etc., I wouldn't be vulnerable to someone who would." 
I realize my statements flies in the face of many, but from my perspective, its what I see. It would help school me if several WSs would step up to the plate and tell me I'm totally wrong.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

There's likely truth to both sides. The truly difficult part is understanding which wayward spouses are actually neglected and which ones have rewritten history. I'm sure it is a little of both.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

farsidejunky said:


> There's likely truth to both sides. The truly difficult part is understanding which wayward spouses are actually neglected and which ones have rewritten history. I'm sure it is a little of both.


I think the key to this is expressing your unmet needs as such, without blame, and your own failings, again without blame.

The problem is that there is the fog of war on both sides. Yes, the betrayer is in a fog which distorts reality.

But, I think the betrayed is in a fog of their own. Instead of one based on love or lust or new relationship highs, for the betrayed it's based on dispair, the shattering of trust, and the undermining of their identity.

So, for the betrayer, it can be less of a big deal because they feel so good and they've had time to convince themselves why they're in the right, and for the betrayed, it's a massive life changer where every step and nuance is overloaded with meaning and intent.

So it's hard to tease apart.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

'hollywood' will always push the limits in their presentation of sex and or relationships that's what they are about.
They consider themselves 'artists' and feel the need to destruct and deconstruct social norms.
they believe that is one of the primary functions of art.

I'm saying that in a general sense; i did not see the movie referred to, but i have noticed several movies lately that downplay and even celebrate infidelity.
As film makers take on these social norms and then convince the public at large of their message, they need new frontiers to break through.

what comes first; the horse or the cart? in other words, does hollywood reflect the culture, or does hollywood establish the culture?

well, i think the answer is both, but they influence the culture to a huge degree. Everybody watches TV. Everybody watches movies.
And lots of them. to kid yourself to think that your views have not been highly influenced by popular film and television, is I believe is 
to not understand yourself as much as you should. I personally have found myself falling under their influence contrary sometimes to my principals.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

"Hollywood" did not produce this. This movie has same actors from the church I'm ? SC? The ones in Fireproof, Courageous and Fly Wheel. Movie was AWESOME. Shows the power of prayer and made me evaluate my personal prayer life.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> But, boys will be boys and it's my duty to forgive him, right? That's the crap I'm constantly being told, I have no emotional support from anyone. He's ruined our finances, I've got two I'm worried about sending off to college... I have a job with nice benefits, but don't make enough to even pay for an apartment in my area. I'm so frustrated.


*No! He pledged his honor and fidelity to you in the vows of marriage and could live up to neither! Never blame yourself for any of his shortcomings! 

Only he can take sole ownership and responsibility for those!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

War room has very little to do with infidelity. I mean it is a very small part of the movie. There isn't even an EA, the woman wasn't a co-worker and the flirting is barely there. I mean the guy turns out to be a thief, is told he needs to own up to his bad parenting, change his attitude and come clean. Honestly, I really do not understand how it blames the other spouse. 

I really believe it was more of a let God handle things out of your control and do you.


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