# Need advice asap



## kcc01 (Jun 5, 2011)

My husband and I just got into an arguement because he is going over to a friends and I just know he is going to smoke weed which I do not approve of...And I called and yes i was upset no harsh words were spoken on my end after hanging up on me 2-3 times finally the last time i got my point across and told him if he came home and had been smoking that i was going to be pissed and he told me it wasnt my problem dont worry about it and told me to get my sh*t and get out...now this is not the first time he has told me this..and there have been a couple of times that i have actually taken our son and left..but I always came back because i was scared of being alone i never wanted to be divorced let alone 21 and divorced...but i feel i need to leave and not give him to him and not come back but im scared...i guess of being single again and not being able to meet anyone else...i called my gma to vent shes always been the one i turned to but she told me today not to call her anymore with situations like this unless i was actually going to do something about it...which tells me wow this is really ridiculous that my own family is telling me this...what should i do?


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## Searching For... (Jun 25, 2011)

Get out. If he doesn't respect you, doesn't care about your feelings, needs, then he is ****. You deserve better. Don't settle for anything less!


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## kcc01 (Jun 5, 2011)

Thank you very much for your reply I think ive decided what im going to do...im going to pack my stuff and my sons and if he comes home and has been smoking im leaving and never looking back...


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## akcroy (Dec 23, 2010)

Very sorry to hear about your situation. Yes, leave - but go for a trial separation first (i.e. live separately). If things don't change then go for a divorce.

I know it's scary - I'm almost 30 and a guy who's better off divorced, but I still can't do it because I'm afraid of being alone. I also don't want my wife to be lonely, despite my problems with her.

But I guess sometimes it's better to bite the bullet now than much later when more time has been lost.


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## avenrandom (Sep 13, 2010)

As much as you don't approve, you've got to sit down and discuss this with him. Find out why you disapprove... I mean REALLY why. For me, the answer was a simple "moral issue" which made zero sense to her. Knowing all of this, I had to ask myself IF I could live around it, and live knowing that anytime she was high, she would believe anything anyone told her. The answer was _no, I couldn't_- Someone who believes everything is nothing but a puppet, and it was only a matter of time before I got hurt. In the end, I was 100% right, and something bad had to happen for her to see the light. If you keep coming back, there are zero consequences for this man.

As far as the family telling you to stop calling about this... They know you are an adult now and need to experience / decide on this thing for yourself. The only decision you will be content with in the long run, is the one you made internally. Leaving now, without a plan, is just setting yourself up to wind up right back where you started. Make a plan, set it in motion, and don't look back. It's one thing to be young an divorced... I understand how you feel, but you can't look at that right now. You have to look at the present, otherwise you'll end up in the same place x-years later and beat yourself up over wasting so much time.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Your being silly if you think your going to be alone forever.
21, 31....50...80.....you WILL find that loving, respectful person you desire.

Hell, I'm only 40 and I've had no shortage of dates with beautiful people. There are literally thousands of people out there compatible for you.

Don't ever be scared of living alone for ever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Unless the house is his seperate property---tell him not to come home---you have just as much right to be in the house as he does

Take his clothes stick them in a suitcase and leave them on the porch

If he lays one finger on you---call the police

Stand up for yourself---do not let him bully you---and yes you CAN make it in the big wide world by yourself----plus in a divorce proceeding---you get half of everything, and child support, and alimony----do not be scared of him---make him scared of what you can do


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## Houstonian (Jun 2, 2011)

Report this situation to CPS, let him be found out for his drug abuse and let things get worse before they get better. Ultimately let a judge decide. According to the information you provided you stand to be in the right in a court setting.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

My advice - LEAVE. If you don't like it because of morals, you will NEVER be able to accept it and he will be lying to you and hiding it from you until the next time you find out he does it, you fight about it, and he tells you to pack up and leave. 

I am going to tell you a story of what I went through with my H. We started dating when I was 17..he was a recovering drug addict but said he was done. (I did not approve of drugs nor wanted to be in that kind of relationship) we fell crazy in love and everything was perfect. a year later I found out he fell back into drugs, I stayed in the relationship because he loved me and I loved him. He told me he didn't want that life, also I did not want to force him into something he wasnt ready to do. So at 19-20 he went to rehab and got clean, then moved and got a high paying job in construction. He proposed to me later that year I was so happy and thrilled. We got married at 21. He said he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Guess where I am now. Im 22 about to turn 23 going through a separation that is headed for divorce because he says does not want to be married to me! He says the only reason he married me is because he felt soooo guilty about making me go through all the stuff he made me go through. What a sack of s**t, he is a liar. Now he is clean and drug free for 2.5 years, thanks to me and the thanks I get for supporting him and sticking up for him when no one else would is a kick to the curb. I basically gave up everything for him, I have to completely start over as I only finished 1.5 years of university so I could get married and move with him(because he wanted me so bad). 

kc, Im not saying your situation is anything like mine at all. I wanted to tell you what I went through so you could realize that you have to do whats best for YOU. like I said im 22, and have to re-start everything and move to a different town where I know NO ONE, because I chose HIM over ME. Starting now, im doing whats best for me. You can do it too. I am not strong, I do not have any close friends to talk to, the only people I have to talk to are my parents. Every day has been a bad day for me, I cry 75% of the time when I am awake, but guess what I am still alive. I love my H deeply, miss him like crazy, and it hurts me every second of the day that he doesn't want to be with me-but like I said, I am alive. I am petrified of being alone for the rest of my life too and I am scared to do everything. People say you learn to cope, for me there has been no "coping" you just do it because your not dead yet and you have to get by in this world. 

Sorry this is so long, I just wanted you to know that you can do it if you want to, at least think about leaving for a little while. Seriously look at your relationship and question if what he is doing is what you want. If you think you can put up with his behavior because you love him so much, Im here to tell you that it doesn't work that way, sooner or later things will start to break down. You will be worse off when they do. 
please think about yourself. Take care.


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