# Please help, first forum post ever



## Wearsblack130 (Sep 27, 2019)

Hi, I'm 34 and my wife is 30, been married for just under 4 years and were together almost 6 years before that. Things have gotten very bad and I feel divorce is on the way. I do not want a divorce, my wife feels that for the last 2+ years she has been left alone by me (I worked weekends, 3-midnight right when "everything goes on") and says she no longer loves me, most of the time down right hates me. lately, some fights have turned violent (I'm alright) but the emotional damage has been hard, our sex life is bad and she's commented many times about my performance and lack of size. 

Immediate reaction would obviously be "she sounds horrible" you may be right, like I said, divorce seems to be on the way for me.

I DO NOT want a divorce, I love her very much and I've taken many angles to repair us but we're still here....now, here is my question. We recently sold MY house that I lived in for 14 years (owned for 9, right before she came along) eventually she moved in, we were dating and roommates and we had other roommates. Fast forward to now, we were asked by her stepdad to buy the house SHE grew up in because he was moving away, we agreed, I sold the old house just recently and we bought this one. 

Just about everything we have is in my name and almost all purchased by me, in selling the old house I made a nice payday, we then bought two new cars, mine on a loan and hers outright because it was the cheaper one ($20,000). We also have 4 dogs...she has told me time and time again that if we split she has no interest in what is not hers and she is aware that the last house was not at all her equity, hard work, etc (I do appreciate that)...it looks as though I'm going to be staying in the home she grew up in (which I agree sucks, cuz of the memories) but what other option do I have? 

She cant come close to affording this place alone, I told her to keep the car she just got and split up the dogs and move into an apartment. She quit her full time job to focus on her own business she started which is going very slow and offering US almost no money (I've paid every bill since we bought the house 4 months ago)...the problem and question is this. I'm going to run out of money soon, I cannot afford this place alone either, it would be close, so I need a roommate or two. 

Should I press the divorce (that I dont want) to happen asap cuz we're broke? I'd like to handle emotion and finances separately and I did for awhile, trying as much as I could to get her back. But now what choice do I have? The bills dont have feelings, they have due dates. I hope I do not appear cold or like an Ahole to you guys, she seems worried about money and that's it, I on the other hand am depressed, I love our dogs more than anything, I miss my wife AND I'm concerned about money. Any help, I will listen, thank you


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Under the circumstances if she isn't in the marriage and doesn't love you you're fighting a losing battle. You can't make her do a thing.

Just because you don't want a divorce may not save this.

As to finances you need to see a good attorney. Just because she says one thing doesn't mean she won't get greedy and do another. This happens all the time.

You are correct. Finances are extremely important and you're smart to think this at this time.

If I were you I would go online and check her phone bill. There may be someone in the mix. At this point it may not matter but protect yourself and your assets!!!!!!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your in a really bad spot. There is one very very important thing you need to remember: You can not negotiate a woman to like you. If she is done then she is FINISHED. You are fighting a losing battle. Best to get that divorce and move on. I understand that you hate the situation and the bills are on the way........but anyone here will tell you this: It’s coming and it’s going to happen no matter what you do. Save yourself the emotional drama and get the divorce now

Your old life isn’t coming back....try not to focus on how it was in the past. You will only hurt yourself more.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Because of the possibility of the co-mingling of assets, I'd have a trusted attorney analyze your situation, in order to make a better effort to save your own personal finances.

I, too, agree with checking out your W's social media pages. Her wanting to bail seems all too convenient without some third party being in the picture!*


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So, she's violent and a mooch.

Don't have children with her.

Check out local divorce lawyers.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

As what could have for you here, is the roommates issue. They bonded and cared for her.( Maybe in other ways). And when they left so did her stimulation for affection in her eyes. Yes as above stated you can not make another love you. And has stated through wicked means attacked you in the worst way your manhood. If she loved you and wanted to improve your sex life together, she or you would have suggested a sex therapists. 

Only check her out personal phone if you were to trying to reconcile. So there is no need, less some type of heartache you want, only to add to more misery just isn't worth it. But she stated the door is her desire. Let it be that you are leaps ahead with acceptance of the divorce, even though it is not your desire. And your gifts to her are enough. Contact your lawyer and proceed. You are of a youthful age to which you can find a new loving partner. 

As for her moving out make this a priority in your life, she is no longer your concern and wish her well. Protect what is due you. Get yourself some new roommates, get your house paid for and in your next relationship move all the roommates out. A asset is never worth a relationship ever. And if you don't want the house sell it and take an honest loss. If it affects you so, you may never feel comfortable in the home.

Remember she is asking for release and l imagine the physical attack's we're not the first. Abusers sucks you into a tremendously unhealthy cycle of misery, fight then makeup cycle of contempt. I am surprised you endured this as long as you did. You are probably going to scratch your head and think what we're these people doing looking into my window? No those types of people, are predictable just gets repeated over and over. Do get yourself some therapy for self-esteem that will come up because some how tend to take all the blame when they are searching for answers.

And as your new questions arise on this fourm we TAM members are here to assist you, in honest direct post. It may seem too honest but take what you should and leave the rest. We are not you in the sense of loss. But have been where you are at.

Hang in there Wearsblack. And the future holds brighter colors for you!!


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Read "The Rational Male"....Learn what your dealing with and how to change YOUR behavior back to what it was when she fell for you.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

By commenting that you was bad in bed and about your size she is seeing another man . Get a divorce asap . You don't need a cheater .


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

What did the violence consist of? Her comments to you about sex are your size are disgusting, what an awful woman and violent as well. 
Get good legal advise and she needs to get job until her business makes more money.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Start talking to a lawyer and stop talking to your wife.

There's too many red lines here that have been crossed for me to even consider recommending an attempt at reconciliation.


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## Wearsblack130 (Sep 27, 2019)

Thank you guys very much for all the input, it's very kind of you to reach out. I'm going to talk to a lawyer and a therapist


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Wearsblack130 We will be here for you. I'm moving your thread to CWI.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Wearsblack130 We will be here for you. I'm moving your thread to CWI.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Wearsblack130 said:


> Thank you guys very much for all the input, it's very kind of you to reach out. I'm going to talk to a lawyer and a therapist


Lawyer first...


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

WearsBlack, are you in a community property state?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

If my wife ever complained about my size, it would be over. There's nothing I can do about it even if I needed to. It's hard to know who she's comparing you with.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Your wife is a horrible, rotten, spoiled jerk. See an attorney and get the ball rolling on the divorce. Make sure she understands that she brought almost no assets to the marriage and that her car was purchased with your money. Start the process of listing the house. You might have to take a small loss, but it's worth it to get this woman out of your life. If she can clean up her act, you can start dating again. But honestly, what could have caused her to hate you so much and want to hurt you? She has deep-seated issues that cannot easily be fixed, and it's unlikely she'll be able to have a fruitful relationship with anyone, let alone you.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

You can’t help who you love. But you have to love yourself enough to walk away from someone who has no respect for you. I wouldn’t treat my enemies they way she treats you. You are her husband, it blows my mind how she is treating you. Don’t tolerate it. Leave her.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Why is this in CWI?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Why is this in CWI?


Yes this was my question too but bandit beat me to it. Is it just because of her "size" comment ?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Why is this in CWI?


It's because she is giving off cheater vibes, to me.

She might not be cheating, but if she isn't, or at the least ready to get her claws in some other dude she has targeted, I'd be surprised.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> It's because she is giving off cheater vibes, to me.
> 
> She might not be cheating, but if she isn't, or at the least ready to get her claws in some other dude she has targeted, I'd be surprised.


I am placing my bet on her cheating. Like someone noted, who is she comparing his size to?

I also bet it has been going on for about 2 years.


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