# Expecting and Seperated....



## Wife/new mom (Feb 9, 2013)

My husband and I got married at 20 and 21, we waited 5 years then we had our daughter, and now I'm pregnant with our son. I recently moved away for a while because I found myself crying in front of my daughter who is only 10 months, which then made her cry. We were fighting so bad I started having contractions, and upsetting our daughter. I felt I needed to get away, for me and my kids sake. There are so many issues I have....I don't feel like ever going back. Over the past three years I have caught my husband facebook flirting with other women. Things such as, asking them, if they miss him ( to ex's or old flings) telling them they are so fine, and asking them when they were going to hook up, the first two times he left his account open on our desktop, then I started checking it on his phone periodically. This last time I had previously asked for his password, and when I went to log in it was changed, so after looking through his phone about 3 weeks ago, He was telling some girl that she was just as beautiful as he remembers, that she was awesome and brilliant for getting her Masters Degree and how he wanted to keep in touch. I asked him for his password again, and he refuses. He stated that last convo was innocent, and I'm making it into something it wasn't because I just "want to find something". I realize having the password itsn't the solution to the real problem, so I've let that request go and we are seeking a counselor. Secondly he works graveyard so the only time we got to spend together was in the morning before he went to sleep for the rest of the day. One morning he did not call like he did faithfully on his way home, and he didn't show up until 6 hours after he got off. I was by his friend's house. So ever since then I don't know if he coming home after work or not. Sometimes he calls and sometimes he doesn't. His friend lives with two of his female cousins, and that makes me feel uncomfortable that he's over there so much so late and I just found out that he goes over there even when his friend isn't there. I know that they like to smoke and drink and there is always a group of people over there, so I'm sure it's a hang out spot. He tells me I'm controlling for wanting access to his password, and because I wanted him to go back to spending his morning with me and our daughter. He thinks all I want his life to consist of is going to work and coming home, which isn't true. I left, 3 weeks ago I didn't call him, text him, I felt so relieved from worrying it was good. Now he wants to work things out and go to counseling...but he still does not see anything wrong with any of his actions. To him, I need to stop looking in his phone, I'm jealous, and controlling. The past few months I found myself not liking him AT ALL when I was there, I didn't want to have sex with him which didn't make things good. It's hard for me to respect him, want to have sex with him, be happy to see him, when he disregards my request for him to come home after work, to stop going to the party house, and when he's flirting with other women admiring them more than me behind my back. Any thoughts are welcomed. I don't think he's cheating, I have access to his bank records, phone records, car, I don't think he's with another women....but I would bet my life on it.


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## Wife/new mom (Feb 9, 2013)

There are other things like his drinking addiction which causes him to be mean, disrespectful and throw up everywhere. The secrecy about his finances, his constant lying even about dumb things, and the periodic spending the night out at his friends house. But my main issue is me not trusting him, and me waiting at home on him while he ignores my calls becuase he would rather spend time with his friends. I have told him, before and recently that if he is unhappy, unsatisfied and wants out to just go, but he does not want out. He makes promises to do better but he never does. I know its alot of reading and I appreictae being able to vent, and I appreciate your time.


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

you guys need a GOOD counselor, pronto, something I wasn't able to get in three tries.

Trust and intimacy go together. What is happening with you is NORMAL, absolutely normal. When your partner does things behind your back that ruin your trust, you start to suspect the worst about everything, you look at the phone, you want to follow your spouse when they go somewhere in the car just to be sure they aren't lying, you want to read their emails and follow them through the house to see what they are doing.

This in turn starts to drive the spouse away because they feel smothered, clung to, overwhelmed... BECAUSE THEY DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THEIR OWN ACTIONS HAVE RUINED THE TRUST in the relationship and how they have CAUSED what is happening. 

Only a good counselor can sit you both back and explain to your spouse that his actions are causing your to go crazy. Without trust there is no intimacy, without intimacy there is no trust. Your husband has MAJOR issues with committment and he needs to get his act together or you are going to leave him, that's basically what needs to be set before him, plain and clear. 

You are dealing with a lot here, the emotional upheaval of pregnancy along with the added burden of a 10 month old to raise, you aren't getting the needed 'quality time' with your spouse due to mismatching work schedules and his 'need' to go run with his friends. He's 26, if I read your post right, what he does 'need' to do is get his act together, realize he's married, has responsibilities, and get his @ss home and spend time with his family. He's shirking his responsibilities and it is selfish, irresponsible, and cruel.


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