# Controlling Pregnant Fiance



## Engaged (Feb 16, 2010)

:scratchhead:
I have a pregnant fiance and I fear that we may be getting married for the wrong reasons.

My fiance has a problem with me doing just about anything that doesn't involve her. I can barely get out of the apartment to go to the grocery store without her. Granted it doesn't bother me very often but sometimes it drives me insane.
As a supportive man, I realize that she is pregnant and that I have a responsibility to watch after her but now I feel its going just a little too far.
My Fiance and I are getting married in March and I have a bachelor party coming up the week before the wedding. She doesn't want me to go to a bar, so I suggested that I go camping. Well the problem is that I can't go camping without going out of town and she doesn't wanting me out of town or out all night! OK... back to the drawing board

So, she suggest that we have our bachelor party and bachelorette party together. What the heck is that? That completely defeats the purpose of me having a bachelor party and she wanted me to coordinate it with the date of her bachelorette party which would mean that my best man wouldn't be able to be there! My best man has to fly in from Washington state and I live in Texas so I purposely scheduled it close to the wedding so that he could take off work for a week and be there.

So, I finally get her to say OK about having the bachelor party at my dad's house... barely... and she is going dancing with her friends at a country bar for her bachelorette party... HMMMM....

Now, I'm starting to wonder if I'm ever going to have to submit to all of her wants and sacrifice all of mine for the rest of my life! How is that anyway to live? I've always thought that I've been a pretty fair guy and I don't think I ask a whole lot but now I'm feeling like she has crossed the line a little bit. 

Someone please give me some advice on this issue.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Best to figure out what the problem is now before you let this pattern be the template for the whole marriage.

If your woman is insecure, then work on this issue.

If your woman simply does not trust you, then work on this issue.

But regardless, a woman leading a man in this way is recipe for disaster. How is your relationship in the other things, is she demanding and insisting to treat you like a child in other areas also?

Take care of this issue, otherwise there will be only resentment, as quite honest you are looking weak, whipped, and really seem to be acting more like a woman than a man to keep seeing you refer to her "to let" you do this thing or that.

Simply put, decide what you want to do, and of course within reason and of course in good bounds and good taste for these types of parties, and tell her what she needs to know, and let your decision stand.

It is the slippery slope to try to appease and follow your woman, she will not end up respecting you no matter what, and you are only to feel embarrassment and resentment to be treated not as a man, but as a child.


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## Engaged (Feb 16, 2010)

BigBadWolf,
It definitely was not like this before she got pregnant. In fact, I it was much easier to deal with but now she uses "The Baby" as an excuse for everything. It's like what the $&%*?

Trust me, I have stood my ground when I feel I am right numerous times, but it always ends up with her crying and feeling sorry for herself. You have to understand that I love her very much but I feel like I was completely blindsided by these hormonal rants that she goes on because she is pregnant? How can you tell whether she is using the pregnancy as an excuse or not?

Either way, I'm very new to the marriage and pregnancy thing and I don't know the difference between being whipped and just trying to be respectful. I'm a little confused on this subject.
Thanks for the advice though.


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## mujer_rota (Feb 10, 2010)

did you only decide to get married at the news she was pg?


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## mujer_rota (Feb 10, 2010)

Hormonal or not, 9 months is a long time to learn to act a certain way. It may not just disappear once the baby comes and may just get worse. A BIG change took place when I got pg. My attitude, need for affection and many other things changed and have not ben the same since. But, that's the reason im here, to get advice from people going through similar things. 

How far along is she?

I agree with BBW, the issue needs to be addressed and worked on.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Even if she is crying and unhappy, that doesn't mean she is right or that you are wrong or that you need to change your plans. You cannot control her reaction to your need for separate time. Nor should you let yourself be controlled by her reaction. Once you've decided that this is time you need, you stay calm and stick to your plans. You could ask her to talk about those feelings but make it clear that you want to allow her to vent, that you are not willing to change everything to follow her dictates. If you have any doubts, hold off on the wedding. It is really, really difficult to turn back once committed in marriage.


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## Engaged (Feb 16, 2010)

Sister, I feel that is by far the best advice. I set up a counseling apt. for tonight. I just hope that I can get her to go. Thanks for all of your help.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

You need to learn to let her cool down and after she does tell her that you know she is upset but you are going to do XYZ. And then stop talking about it and do it. 

You are letting her have her party at a bar but yours has to be at your dads. She is ALREADY STEAMROLLING YOU. Bad bad bad precedent. 

She is using the pregnancy as a weapon - that is really scary - next it will be the kids. Unless you have given her a reason to worry about you cheating - this is not acceptable behavior and oddly enough she will lose her desire for you over time if you let her dominate you like this. 

It is like a balancing act - you need to let the women have enough say so they feel important but not so much they lose respect for you....




Engaged said:


> Sister, I feel that is by far the best advice. I set up a counseling apt. for tonight. I just hope that I can get her to go. Thanks for all of your help.


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