# Poll: Which book title speaks to you?



## MarlonFamilton (May 15, 2010)

I am starting the second draft of a book designed to help improve communication in relationships. In the book I explain why couples fight, what needs we are fighting to get met, and then offer ten steps or experiments the reader can do them self to change their own contribution. No, we can't change the other person, but we can change how we participate or approach our partner and this can change how things go and improve the relationship. In the book I am offering the key steps one partner can do to change how the relationship feels.

Right now I am at the point where I must commit to a title. Naturally I want to select one that would draw your interest. My target reader is women who want to have a happier more secure relationship. I liked the tongue and cheek "How to Fix Your Man in 10 Easy Steps or Less: A woman's guide to communicating with men in relationships". 

My concern is that of course, not every woman is in a relationship with a man. I worry that my title closes doors to potential readers when the steps are applicable to everyone in relationships. The one I choose will send my book off in a particular direction, so it is important for me to decide.

I would be grateful for your thoughts on which book title would draw you in the most. 

Thanks for taking a moment to vote!


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

2 of those titles are about fixing the "other" person, I don't think you can fix someone else, just fix how YOU interact with the "other" person. Communication is the key to it all.

That's my opinion on just going by the titles anyways.


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## MarlonFamilton (May 15, 2010)

The book is about how to change your own contribution or approach to elicit a different / better response from one's partner. I appreciate the comment. I will update the main posting to indicate this.

Your comment is quite helpful in that I would need to make this clear right up front. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I'm not keen on the word "Fix," for some reason... I would prefer something like:-

"Improve / Enhance Your Relationship Skills in 10 Easy Steps or Less"

Good luck with the book, OP!


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## MarlonFamilton (May 15, 2010)

Great comments. Thank you all for your vote and thoughts. It is helping me reposition the book in a better way. If I am honest, it fits better with my original intention.

Thanks!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

How long has it taken you to write your book, MF?


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

I understand Fix, my wife hates that word too thou, she doesn't think you can just fix things.


Repair or rebuild still signifies serious damage without understating the importance.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Thumper said:


> I understand Fix, my wife hates that word too thou, she doesn't think you can just fix things.
> 
> 
> Repair or rebuild still signifies serious damage without understating the importance.


:iagree: Plus "Improve" and "Enhance" have more positive connotations to me. They also sound less hard work than "Fix." Semantics, I know, but I think it can be important in a book title


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## MarlonFamilton (May 15, 2010)

Cosmos said:


> How long has it taken you to write your book, MF?


I've been working on this for a few years. However, if you condense the time down it would be about three months. It's taken on many iterations searching for the right approach. You are all helping, thank you!


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## TryingandFrustrated (Nov 7, 2012)

I voted on Fix your communication, but any way you could incorporate relationship and communication in the title? It may draw in more readers. Kind of a longer title, but , "Fix your relationship by communicating better in 10 easy steps or less"


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## MarlonFamilton (May 15, 2010)

Based on what you have all been kind enough to share, and thinking hard about what my goals are, I have decided to change the title and subtitle to:

Fix Your Communication in 10 Easy Steps or Less
A guide to communicating in relationships

The sub title may change a little, but you are spot on in that I have to be clear that my book is about relationships.

I know that some of you do not like the word "fix". However; this book it part of a brand I am working to create so I sort of need that. 

I plan to offer some chapters for review soon as I would love a little feedback. Probably in the next week or so. Thanks for taking time to share your thoughts.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Instead of fix (if it works with other branding):

Repair?
Improve?

The subtitle seems redundant - instead of 'communicating' being used twice, how about "A guide to connecting in relationships" - because the goal of communication is to become better connected.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Why not something that reflects the main premise of your book?

"Fix" is what many men try to do within their relationship. It just doesn't work because women are not a machine. They are living, breathing human beings who think and have feelings. Just my take.


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## MarlonFamilton (May 15, 2010)

You are all being very thoughtful in your replies, thank you. :smthumbup: Initially I was looking for just gut reactions to my title, so I wasn't digging into specifics. However, I see that this is where the thread has gone, much to my benefit, so let me be more detailed.

The website for my practice is called securelove (Secure Love: Marriage Therapy / Marriage Counseling & Couples Counseling | Bellevue, Redmond, Kirkland) because as a couples counselor I focus on connection. I believe the core problem with relationships is a lack of responsiveness to each other - communicated through everything we do or do not do. People come in complaining of having a tough time communicating, so that became the principal angle of my book - improving communication. 

The brand idea for my books mimics the "... for Dummies" idea. I think if you heard I was going to title my book "Relationships for Dummies", you would be offended. Yet we all know that is a tongue and cheek approach to basics and wildly successful. The "Fix" part is designed as a humorous/emotional hook because jokingly, deep down don't we all want to "fix" our partner so we don't have to do any work? Of course that isn't reality and I do not suggest that is the case. Quite the opposite. The subtitle could be more clear perhaps? "Improve your relationship by changing your approach"? 

All we can do is change how we contribute to our interactions and in doing so possibly (hopefully) elicit a different response from our partner. The book is about taking steps to change how we approach. Ideally our partner would be on board and trying too. Each step has specific experiments to try to see if you can impact they way they respond - if both were to try it would improve success no doubt. However many times they won't go to counseling or read a book, so I am writing mostly from the belief that one person can change how a relationship feels by changing how they contribute and I work to give them the tools to do just that.

Truthfully the biggest niche for me to go after as a marketer of a relationship book is women. As a group on average, you are all simply more interested and diligent in working on relationships and as such more likely to buy a book and read it. My idea of "Fix your man" was going to be followed up with "Fix your Woman" co wrote by my wife. So the idea of "fixing your man", I thought would be appealing to that deep part of us that would like to think is them because _sometimes _if feels that way. I came to this board to see. Clearly that is not what I have learned, so thank you for saving me. I am happy to focus on communicating as that's really what the book is about; communicating in order to increase responsiveness and therefore increase connection. "If you respond to me, I believe you have my back" type thing.

I agree that I shouldn't use "communication" twice and won't. The subtitle can easily be "Rebuilding secure connection in your relationship" or "Improving the secure love with your partner". I agree that the subtitle is really what clarifies the book's content. 

Here is my table of contents with some clarifying notes for your benefit.


Introduction	If you’re the partner they are trying to fix (a page explaining that the book won't be blaming them)
Part One: What happened to your relationship?
Chapter One	Is this what your relationship is like? (the "I feel your pain" chapter)
Chapter Two	Can your partner change? (how and why people change - building hope that the book will help)
Chapter Three	What you really fight for: connection (attachment needs)
Chapter Four	Emotions as signals of need (why we have emotions and what they mean)
Chapter Five	Reactivity and how it wrecks everything (reactive anger or distancing)

Part Two: Stop the Insanity!
Chapter Six Bonus step: build a repair kit (how to repair)
Chapter Seven	1 Stop the misunderstandings (intention)
Chapter Eight 2 Abolish slavery (no demands only requests)
Chapter Nine	3 Stop “shoulding” on your partner (stop blaming)
Chapter Ten	4 Stop the warfare (criticism, etc.)
Chapter Eleven	5 Stop avoiding talking

Part Three: Cultivate care and love and connection
Chapter Twelve 6 Give a sh*t (empathy)
Chapter Thirteen 7 Be responsive 
Chapter Fourteen 8 Cultivate connection moments (attachment moments of departure and reconnection)
Chapter Fifteen 9 Learn how they feel loved (meet their attachment needs)
Chapter Sixteen	10 Follow the recipe for love (emotional, physical and sexual intimacy)

Thanks for your thoughts and effort to help me. I will probably come back here and post an ebook for a short time once I get it a little more sorted (third draft - couple weeks from now?)


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

10 steps to passion

Edit: I'll watch my mail for the check.


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