# Open marriage



## feelfoolish (Aug 20, 2009)

Has anyone done this? 

Considered doing this? 

Are ok with it as long as he or she comes home? 

Done this for the kids? I mean kids need both parents and in most states the mother get the children, the father is screwed in a divorce. Fathers do not get to claim them on their taxes but get stuck with most of the bills. Yes it would be nice if we could draw up an agreement but usually doesn't happen that way. My problem is that I see my son everyday and night, she wants a divorce but wants me to leave my house. Yes we both signed the paperwork but why is it that the one who wants a divorce gets the kids and the house? 

I do not want to get divorced but I shouldn't lose what I have because she wants out. Her idea of a marriage was/is something out of a romance novel or fairy tale. If I do get divorced I will never be married again. I might not be a good husband but I am great Father. Maybe she will meet the perfect husband and leave.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

It's a foolish idea, especially if you are doing it "for the kids." That is the most nonsensical thing I've ever heard.

If you have the means, find a good lawyer, you're not always screwed in divorces. A lot of judges have people go through mediation prior to a hearing to see if things can be settled and most times they are. If they can't, then battle in court...

Preacher


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Open marriage was considerted attractive in the 60's and 70's... when
they knew about fewer STD's and they could all be cured with penicillin. 
These days I think its a super bad idea, not just for health reasons
but economic ones.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

Forget the open marriage idea. I have known some people who have tried that and it never worked long term. Also, what kind of moral upbringing do you want for your children?

If you don't want to loose your house, don't move out of it. That doesn't mean that you'll end up with it, or she will. You never know what will happen if a judge decides how to divide your "stuff". He could make you sell it and split the money.

A mediator is a great idea. They are unbiased and confidential. A mediator can help you and your wife agree on terms that otherwise a judge would decide for you.

Bottem line, what is most important is your family, your children. All the rest is just "stuff". Although some "stuff" is hard to let go of, sometimes letting go of it opens you up to a new beginning.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I know of some people who did this back in the 80's... they were wealthy people who were in local politics. They were only married in name and had an open relationship. 
They were older people in their 50's at the time. They did this until he died in the 90's............
I went to the funeral. It was more a social gathering than anyone upset he died... especcially his wife. She seemed almost happy.

I would never say that type of marriage ( open and having sex with others) is a good one. To me, its more about tolerating a bad situation, not the best answer, but for some people who are driven by other means... it is something they do to cope with the situation and it never will work out well as in the end, they will be alone....
and used.


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