# Someone please help me.



## LD155 (Feb 25, 2010)

I was 15 he was 18 when we started dating. His mom didn't like that because she said I was to young and was a s*** and wanted him for money. He decided not to go to college after his first year because he wanted to take a break. They blamed it on me. I got pregnant and we were surprised, worried, and happy. they still hated me. He wasnt allowed to see me. after 6 weeks and 4 days i had a miscarriage. they said it was for the best. we decided we wanted to have a baby. so we did. they still called me names and tried to take over after i gave birth to my wonderful daughter. She let a 6 year old hold her as she turned and walked away to take pictures. she always tells me how to raise my daughter and how i should live. we got married shortly after. we planned everything in 2 weeks. She took over after complaining that it was a bad idea. everything we said we didnt want at the wedding she made sure it was there. She even went shopping for my dress. And my sister and I are highly allergic to mushrooms if we eat them there is a chance we could die. She knew this. but she made the food so she put them in a few dishes. My friend over heard her telling someone how to make it and said it has mushrooms too but she wont be able to taste them. and maybe 5 times after that she tried to give me mushrooms again. 
if i told you everything i would be here for days. My husband complained about us not going there and his mom not seeing our daughter. So i let her babysit every once in a while. She disrespects me when im there. tells my daughter she doesnt have to listen to me bc she is at her house. my daughter comes home disrespectful and disobedient. My daughter came home calling her mom. i corrected her but 4 months later she was doing it again. His mom adopted her daughters kids when they were young and they call her mom. im the only one i want my daughter to call mom.
My husband never corrects her or takes up for me when she does this. he says its not her fault and she didnt do anything wrong. We always fight bc of it. He always says he will but its been 5 years. Im thinking about divorce bc of this. Its too much fighting. He told me today if i say im going to leave ever again he wont try to stop me. 

He works at night so i have to stay home. I cant work in the daytime bc he sleeps so hard she cried for along time right next to him and he never woke up. and He wont pay for child care. 
I feel trapped into staying here bc i dont have money. I want to work so bad. I want to love someone and feel like they love me too. i dont want to argue with him anymore. please help.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

How old is your daughter? Where are your parents?

One way to deal with the mother-in-law is to visit less often. Don't give a reason for it, because that invites fighting and arguing about your reasons. You can shrug your shoulders and say "Just didn't get around to it."


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## LD155 (Feb 25, 2010)

She is 3 years old, turning 4 May 5th. My parents beat me when i was younger, so we dont talk. We tried not going,but my husband
starts a big fight. She calls all the time and is always telling him what i am doing wrong. No matter what she does he is always on her side. I dont know if i can take it anymore.

thanks for the reply.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, you can either take it, or you can divorce. If you divorce, you will be letting HIM take his daughter over to see them by himself. 

Have you gotten therapy for your abuse? You should be. It will help you learn to hold your own ground and realize what you can and can't change.

You will never change them, and you will never change your husband, so quit worrying about what you cannot change. 

And accept that this is the course YOU took, when you dated him knowing they hated you. And when you chose to get pregnant a second time (I'm sorry for the loss of your baby, btw). And when you chose to marry against their wishes.

I don't know what to tell you, except that this is what you chose, so you can either deal with it, or remove yourself and let them continue on without you.


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## LD155 (Feb 25, 2010)

Yes. I was in therapy. My husband asked me not to say anything to them. 

I have never lived on my own. Can i do it? 

I don't want her to try to take my daughter from me. 

Thanks.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

How on earth can a grandmother get jurisdiction over a mother? Unless you have some prior record or something.

Your husband asked you not to say anything to whom?

Of course you can live on your own! In fact, it would probably be good for you. You may try going to children's protective services, and see if they have anything in their arsenal against meddling and destructive grandparents. Who knows? Stranger things have happened.

Most lawyers will consult with you for 30 minutes for free. Give that a try.


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

LD, I suggest a simple task just in case everything falls apart. How about finding out if there is a local support group for young mothers and children? 

If there is you could drop by to get to know them a little. That should feel good because you will have taken a positive step to protect yourself and your child. If the worst does happen you'll know where to turn. It may be that such a group would have experienced adult workers who can give guidance and advice on all sorts of issues. 

If I sound a little uncertain here it's because I don't live in the US. But from what I know of your country, churches and voluntary groups undertake a lot of care work for people having a hard time. Perhaps that's where to start looking around?


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## LD155 (Feb 25, 2010)

She knows all of the judges and social service people. I dont have a record. 

My husband asked me not to say anything to his parents.

Thanks for the advice. I will call as soon as I can.


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