# A big thanks to the guys here



## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Reading through some of your posts has reminded me that not all men are alike. Some of you have stories very similar to mine. I can't tell you how many times I have heard "All men are alike" from both men and women said with a wry shake to their head, when learning of my stb-ex's history. Your stories tell me that this isn't true.

So, I feel sympathy for each one of you who has been betrayed by someone you love(d). Please know that all women aren't alike either. And you deserve better.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Thanks for the post. It's easy to start thinking everyone of the opposite sex is the same so it helps to read that!


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Fenix said:


> ..not all men are alike.
> 
> Please know that all women aren't alike either.
> 
> And you deserve better.


:iagree: Good points.

These ideas are so difficult for us to believe when we have been deeply devastated.

Many of those struggling to save awful relationships would benefit if they would have faith in your words.

Many of us that have endured betrayal would find new partners who would love us as deeply as we love them.

Simple and true. Thanks for reminding us.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Lovemytruck said:


> :iagree: Good points.
> 
> 
> Many of us that have endured betrayal would find new partners who would love us as deeply as we love them.



Yes. Not letting the anger fester, moving forward with a clear conscious and healing all open the door to new healthy relationships.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Fenix: This is so true. And for far too many of us, we unfortunately find out the hard way that the spouses that we took in marriage turned out in reality to be as different from who they had presented themselves to be in the courtship phase, than from the real person that emerged from that cocoon in the marriage itself!

And please do not ever make the fatal mistake of trying to "judge a book by it's cover" either. After all, while one thinks that he has a copy of Mary Poppins in hand, it is quite a disappointment in finding out later on that what he has actually left the bookstore with is The Exorcist!*


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Fenix,

Good luck to you brother. Every woman is different. I had to constantly remind myself of that when I first started dating my ex-gf after the divorce. I trigger a bit to this day but it is very very small.

Time will heal those wounds. Some guys will never marry again. I keep my door open. I may find one who is very special.

My buddy and I have 3 rules to dating now...

1. Don't stick your D1ck in crazy. It is my belief that the crazy ones can't contain their crazy for more than 90 days so be careful. Take your time. I just had that with one of the ladies I was dating. 45 days and poof it came out.

2. I am not responsible for what they think. The women I have dated look at me like I'm a guy. I am not. I don't chase them or want one thing from them. I take care of business and have a great career. They are usually confused by it. I actually want a woman who I'll be with when I'm 60 not 40. Sometimes they draw really odd conclusions. I told them if they have questions all they have to do is ask and I will answer them honestly. They never do and because I don't chase them around they don't know what to do with me. It's funny they all say they want men not guys but when they find one they don't know how to act. I'm not doing the mind reading BS. I'm not playing the games. I think that above anything confuses them to no end until they finally get I mean what I say.

3. It is never ok to have sex with a dude... (that is just us. I don't swing from the other side of the plate...) It adds some levity into our conversations too.

Girls want men not guys or at least they say they do. The funny thing is I want a woman not a girl.

I want one to actually bring her half to the table. I don't want to play games. I'm not playing the 'most guys are...' I'm not a guy. I'm a man and I'm not into middle school dating rituals. There are some really wonderful women out there. There are also a lot of beautiful frogs. I'm just not settling if it will be for the rest of my life. 

I am very simple. I want it all.


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## DiamondsandRust (Jan 21, 2014)

I agree, everyone is not alike, how ever finding the good one is like finding a needle in the hay stack. I feel that way right now about women. I'm not hating them, but I'm hoping that in time, I will find that true lovely woman of my dreams.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

DiamondsandRust said:


> I agree, everyone is not alike, how ever finding the good one is like finding a needle in the hay stack. I feel that way right now about women. I'm not hating them, but I'm hoping that in time, I will find that true lovely woman of my dreams.


Quit dreaming.... You put them on a level they can't achieve. Be happy with yourself and find one that when you are around you are genuinely happy.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Hey Movingahead, I like your post. Just change that bro to a sister and it's all good.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Fenix,

Thanks for your post. I found it therapeutic. No we are not all the same. Prick us, do we not bleed? While some of us are the dogs we are portrayed as; others are the salt of the earth who really only ever wanted the happily ever after stuff you ladies do. 

I have found that many of those sodium laden soil samples reside here on TAM.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Fenix said:


> Hey Movingahead, I like your post. Just change that bro to a sister and it's all good.


 So sorry about that. You can skip rule #1 lol.


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