# I don't know how to fix it...



## lulu (Apr 17, 2009)

I don't even really know where to begin. I guess first I should say all I want to do is fix my marriage. I love my husband more than anything and want nothing more than for us to be happy, but with that said he is not happy with me and I don't know how to fix it.

I guess it all started when we started dating. Pretty much everyone of our problems stem from the first six months of dating or from my past. I can't change my past and I try to tell him that. But my past is not anything to be proud of. I let guys use me and was not someone I am proud of for a couple of years. But that is not me and not the person I want to be. 

At the time though I did not see that in myself. I thought I was doing nothing wrong. Then I met my husband. When we first started dating I made a very huge mistake and told him about guys I had dated and brought the past in our relationship. I know it is my fault for bringing into our relationship. 

When we started dating there are so many things I did wrong that I hurt my now husband and made him feel like he was less important to me than my exes. This was not the case though and I don't know how to make him see that. 

Some of the terrible things I did were: When I moved in I brought all my pictures including pictures of exes. When we got in a fight about it and I was told to get ride of them I did a half ass job of going through them cause I did not think it was that important. Well we that lead to another fight. I did go through and get ride of them all them, but apparently missed some. The ones I missed and I had no idea were still around were discovered just a couple days before our wedding. Now he feels I kept and hid them on purpose no matter how many times I tell him I did not know they were there. And he says he was tricked into marrying me because at that point he had no way to call it off.

One of the other bigger issues is he says I would not have sex with him at first. And this turns into I was more attracted to and would "give it up" to anyone but him. I have tried to explain this is not the case. We did have sex right away in the beginning of our relationship. I didn't want to get used again, so we didn't have sex all the time. According to him we had sex maybe four times in two months. Which is not true. We (and he has even admitted this is true when he is not yelling and fighting) had sex an averavge of 2 times a week I would say for the first couple of months. Now we have been together almost 3 years and married about 10 months and have sex pretty much daily. There is maybe one day a week we don't have sex, but there are also days we will have it twice. This is by far way more sex than I have ever had with anyone relationship or not.

There are more problems and I could probably fill up a couple pages, but I these are two of the big ones. I just need advice on how to fix it. How do I make it better? What can I do to take back the hurt I cause the first 6 months of our relationship?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Get yourself to a therapist, because you are allowing your husband to manipulate you. The past is the past, and he has no right to hold it against you, having married you with both the knowledge (of other guys) and experience (of sex with you) of it. You cannot change his feelings; only HE can, and he has no incentive to do that when you are buying his b.s. hook, line, and sinker. The real question is, why are you letting him do this, and how can you reestablish your marriage on sound ground when it has already, in such a short time, devolved to this point? 

Remember, you did not "cause him hurt." He chooses to feel hurt, or say he feels hurt, over something that is long since past, that he already knew and accepted when he married you. Time for him to move on and for you to find the backbone to insist that he get help, too, if he can't seem to get over it on his own. Then maybe some marital counseling so you can restart the marriage on fair ground.


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