# Need a mans advice- how can I motivate my man to be more hygienic?



## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

My H and I have quite a few marital problems that are more serious but I wanted to address this one specifically on the male forum... since we got married he has developed some kind of aversion to proper hygiene. He used to be clean shaven every day, now it's maybe once or twice a week. He lost his toothbrush in the move to our new apartment, which was over a month ago. I got him a new toothbrush last week since he hadn't replaced it himself and he still hasn't opened it. He is a cook and he comes home all sweaty and totally reeking from his shift. He does NOT always bathe however.

But he still wants the sex to continue as usual, when his face is stabbing me and his breath is stinking and his sweat is... ugh. I mean my husband is a really attractive guy but not like that! He has also put on a large belly in the 3 months we have been married. I feel like he does not even care anymore. And I'm not even the kind of woman to give a crap about what a man wants to wear or whatever... but just some hygiene please!!

How can I encourage him to be cleaner without hurting his feelings? He is very sensitive to any criticism! But at this point I am dodging any kind of sexual touch at all turns because I'm just grossed out. Which is sad bc he is a sexy man  Please give me your advice on how to motivate him. Thanks guys!


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## BleepingFamily (Jul 30, 2011)

The fact that bathing and taking a shower is a ritual and can take up to 20 minutes (the quick one) is what is stopping your husband from being more hygienic. It's simply boring and time consuming.
See for a man being smelly is not a big deal, we can thrive on smelliness lol. However it is disgusting for the others!

Is there any way you can facilitate or encourage a daily routine? Talking to him is a waste of time, you know that, so before he comes home from work why dont you prepare a towel and special "macho" bodywash close to the bath tub or shower, open the shower curtain or fill the bathtub with water and turn the light on in the bathroom. I bet your hubby will be thrilled to slide right in. And maybe he will pull you in too for amazing water sex...oooppsss I'm digressing LOL

If you do that for some time you send a multiple message:
1- you care about him
2- you REALLY need this to change (maybe he doesnt realize the urgency)
3- he is not alone in this ugly, boring, time wasting activity called bathing.

Good Luck!

Mike

PS I with my wife did it for me sometimes lol.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I am not a guy but I asked my husband. He thinks it's either depression (post-wedding blues?) or he just feels like now he doesn't have to try since he's married. Either way, it's a problem.

My husband said you should just tell him straight up - in a kind way. Tell him you are concerned for him and ask him if everything is okay. You could say "I'm a little worried, babe. Is anything bothering you?" If he asks why you ask, say "Well, you just seem kind of depressed. You used to shower every day and brush your teeth and now it seems like you have stopped taking care of yourself. I want to be there for you if something is wrong."

If you come at it from that angle, he will feel happy you noticed and are willing to support him.

You have to learn how to talk to your husband about issues when you are married. You also mentioned other issues and the lack of hygeine might be a part of the overall problem. Maybe he's freaked about being in a truly committed relationship. Some guys feel trapped as soon as they get married. This is something that would need to be addressed and worked on.

Good luck!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

A shower takes 20 minutes?
I'm used to 5-10 minute showers and I brush me teeth there too.

Anyways, just buy him some deodorant, put a laundry basket next to where he throws his cloths, and put his toothbrush/paste in the shower rack.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I'm with Laurae I think he is depressed. Weight gain, bad hygeine, doesn't care anymore, etc. All classic signs.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm in the F&B industry too, and heh, cooks/chefs lose their sanity after a while.


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## anonymiss (Jul 20, 2011)

Whenever my H was on the way home and I knew he had a rough day, long day, short day, dirty day, or normal day at work....I would always make sure to put his boxers and/or a clean outfit in the bathroom for him for after a shower. Anything he needed to help him get cleaned up and wash his day off, I'd make sure it was readily available and easy to use. 
Sure he'd come home and chill on the sofa for a while, but whenever he went to the bathroom, he would notice his clean stuff waiting there for him and maybe it made it easier for him to shower without having to do the prep work involved. 
It's part of being a helpmate. 
As far as the dental part goes, my H has some serious teeth issues that cause brushing to hurt sometimes, so I started getting mouthwash. That helped a whole lot! It's easier and requires little to no effort


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## alg1208 (Jul 29, 2011)

BleepingFamily said:


> The fact that bathing and taking a shower is a ritual and can take up to 20 minutes (the quick one) is what is stopping your husband from being more hygienic. It's simply boring and time consuming.
> See for a man being smelly is not a big deal, we can thrive on smelliness lol. However it is disgusting for the others!


20 minutes? Seriously? I shower in 5. 

And no. Being smelly has nothing to do with being a man or a woman. I'm a man and I can't stand when I stink. It comes down to having pride in yourself. Not to mention stinking is just flat out rude to the people around you. If you have bad hygiene and you know you have bad hygiene. Fix it or stay the heck out of public. I don't want to be smelling someones BO just because 5 minutes is too long to take a shower. 

As for the original poster...



> He lost his toothbrush in the move to our new apartment, which was over a month ago. I got him a new toothbrush last week since he hadn't replaced it himself and he still hasn't opened it.


I almost vomited when I read this. Are you kidding me? And you're still having sex with the man? Maybe I'm just really opposed to bad breath. But that's messed up. Here's how you fix it...tell him to clean himself up and bathe, brush his teeth, and put on deoderant daily. And tell him you aren't doing ANYTHING for him until he does. I'm not just talking about sex. I'm talking everything...no cooking for him, no cleaning up his messes, and most importantly...no taking him out in public. Period. Tell him to have some pride in himself.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Laurae1967 said:


> I am not a guy but I asked my husband. He thinks it's either depression (post-wedding blues?) or he just feels like now he doesn't have to try since he's married. Either way, it's a problem.
> 
> My husband said you should just tell him straight up - in a kind way. Tell him you are concerned for him and ask him if everything is okay. You could say "I'm a little worried, babe. Is anything bothering you?" If he asks why you ask, say "Well, you just seem kind of depressed. You used to shower every day and brush your teeth and now it seems like you have stopped taking care of yourself. I want to be there for you if something is wrong."
> 
> ...


I like this response! You definitely need to start talking about the issue, even if it might hurt his feelings. 

And speaking as a guy, I DON'T like being stinky. Especially when I'm around someone I care about. But even if I'm by myself, I'd still shower daily.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Get hard about it. When he comes home tell him the things he HAS to do to clean up. Or, he's not allowed in the bedroom. And repeat this 100% of the time every time. Tell him he MUST come to the table for dinner or whatever cleaned up, shaved, shirt on, oral care. Period. 

I think you don't understand the word 'motivate'. You are past motivating him. You MUST tell him what the rules he MUST follow are. Even if he is clinically depressed he can still get that addressed w/o being a homeless reject. 

If you think you can really push the edge on this, make him take some drug tests. For real.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

BleepingFamily said:


> See for a man being smelly is not a big deal, we can thrive on smelliness lol. However it is disgusting for the others!




Speak for yourself


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## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

Thanks for all your responses, they gave me a good laugh and some great advice!! I think buying him some sexy manly body wash and deodorant is a great idea, as well as just having an earnest talk... He has been saying he is "physically fine but mentally tired/stressed" on a few occasions recently, and I can see how that factors into low hygienic effort. But for me, I shave at least every other day and bathe daily, I just think it's important and I do it even if I'm depressed, alone, whatever. I always keep my body and my special goods ship shape and clean  

I'll take your responses in mind, thanks guys!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This would be a dealbreaker for me. I shower twice a day and cannot at all fathom getting into bed without having done so. 

I don't know how you have sex with him with he doesn't shower/brush his teeth.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Brushing teeth is a DAILY NEED in this house. I don't know what I'd do if my husband went a month without doing it. Omg.

We have dirty sex  But I know he's showered at least in the morning...as have I.

Maybe tell him what you need him to do? That you don't want to kiss him when his mouth tastes like his other end? I don't know. Big turn off for me.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

When he approaches you for sex, tell him PLEASANTLY, "Sure, just go take a shower, shave, and brush your teeth first, I'll be in bed waiting dear".


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Honey I love you and think your sexy as hell BUT all that goes out the window if your not nice and clean for me.

sorry thats just the way I am and if you can't do this for me then you ain't getting any kitty


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## Rafaelinan (Jul 31, 2011)

I guess there's really no better remedy than talking to him seriously. Make him feel that you're telling these things straight to him because you love him and you care about him. I don't think he'll get offended when he sees the sincerity in your eyes. Good luck!


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