# Mid-Life Catastrophe



## love2run26

Hi Everyone,
My name is Christine and I joined because my husband of 13 years has asked for a 2nd separation. We initially separated last year for 3 months, during which he hooked up with our close mutual friend. He told me he was leaving me for her and I absolutely fell apart. I lost 15 pounds, slept hours and hours everyday, and nearly lost my job. Out of the blue, he had a change of heart and came home saying his life didn't make sense without me in it....and he was also growing more and more irritated with the OW since she is a very needy/clingy individual. I saw this:crying: coming as soon as he walked out the door the first time. We've been reconciled now for 6 months and I felt like things were going pretty good until I came home early from work about one week ago and he was skyping with the OW. I knew they were texting again, but the video chatting was new. I was upset, but sat down and talked with him about how I was feeling and that I saw her as a threat. He basically said that she wasn't going anywhere and I had to accept their friendship or pack my bags. "He would not respond well to an ultimatum". Things got awkward after this and he even went to her house for dinner, which totally pissed me off. I got really angry and tried to explain how I was feeling, but he just didn't care. She was his BFF and that was that. Side note, although she and I were extremely close before all this, she now HATES me and casts me as the villain in the whole mess. Anyway, he left for a work trip shortly after the dinner fiasco, came home to say that he had a lot of time to think while he was gone and now wants to separate again. He doesn't know for how long...maybe he'll realize again that he wants to remain in this marriage, but I haven't changed since the reconciliation (complete BS) and he feels like I've grown distant and "don't pay attention to him anymore" (also BS). He also says our entire life together was a miserable sham and he's been unhappy pretty much the entire time (more BS). He's tired of taking care of me and entertaining me (which is hilarious because I have a million hobbies, I make pretty much all the money, I do all the house and yard work, I do all the grocery shopping, I take care of the animals, I pay all the bills....the list goes on). So, here we are again and I have no idea what to do. I will say this time around I've been very calm, cool, and collected. No tears, no yelling, no threats. He's really freaked out by my reaction. But inside, I'm a miserable mess.....

And he also says this time around he will remain single as he needs to figure himself out alone....and that there is no romantic future for him and the OW....so I guess this is good-ish.


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## lifeistooshort

So how do you feel about being plan B while he explores his *****?

Because that's what you are...that's why he's uncomfortable with your reaction. He needs to keep you as a backup option.

Why exactly would you want to hold onto this? Who cares if he sees a future with his other ****? 

Why are you letting him make the decisions? Don't you have more value then that?


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## sokillme

love2run26 said:


> Hi Everyone,
> My name is Christine and I joined because my husband of 13 years has asked for a 2nd separation. We initially separated last year for 3 months, during which he hooked up with our close mutual friend. He told me he was leaving me for her and I absolutely fell apart. I lost 15 pounds, slept hours and hours everyday, and nearly lost my job. Out of the blue, he had a change of heart and came home saying his life didn't make sense without me in it....and he was also growing more and more irritated with the OW since she is a very needy/clingy individual. I saw this:crying: coming as soon as he walked out the door the first time. We've been reconciled now for 6 months and I felt like things were going pretty good until I came home early from work about one week ago and he was skyping with the OW. I knew they were texting again, but the video chatting was new. I was upset, but sat down and talked with him about how I was feeling and that I saw her as a threat. He basically said that she wasn't going anywhere and I had to accept their friendship or pack my bags. "He would not respond well to an ultimatum". Things got awkward after this and he even went to her house for dinner, which totally pissed me off. I got really angry and tried to explain how I was feeling, but he just didn't care. She was his BFF and that was that. Side note, although she and I were extremely close before all this, she now HATES me and casts me as the villain in the whole mess. Anyway, he left for a work trip shortly after the dinner fiasco, came home to say that he had a lot of time to think while he was gone and now wants to separate again. He doesn't know for how long...maybe he'll realize again that he wants to remain in this marriage, but I haven't changed since the reconciliation (complete BS) and he feels like I've grown distant and "don't pay attention to him anymore" (also BS). He also says our entire life together was a miserable sham and he's been unhappy pretty much the entire time (more BS). He's tired of taking care of me and entertaining me (which is hilarious because I have a million hobbies, I make pretty much all the money, I do all the house and yard work, I do all the grocery shopping, I take care of the animals, I pay all the bills....the list goes on). So, here we are again and I have no idea what to do. I will say this time around I've been very calm, cool, and collected. No tears, no yelling, no threats. He's really freaked out by my reaction. But inside, I'm a miserable mess.....
> 
> And he also says this time around he will remain single as he needs to figure himself out alone....and that there is no romantic future for him and the OW....so I guess this is good-ish.


At this point you are better off without him. You just need to detach and let your heart catch up. 

Be honest you know what to do you just have to get up the courage to do it. Toxic people make toxic lives.


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## SunnyT

If this were happening to your sister, or your daughter... I bet you'd tell them to let him go. Forever.


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## BigToe

I agree with SOKILLME Post #3. I don't see any way to salvage things and I think he is treating you extremely unfairly and with contempt. I don't like it.


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## Cynthia

You are not a mess because you are losing the prize. You already know he's not a prize. You are a mess because you are being rejected. You love him. Love is not logical and isn't meant to be, but sometimes we have to let logic rule and know when something (or someone) is not contributing to our health. Your husband is not contributing to your health. He is mistreating you. You are the one who should be showing him the door not the other way around. 

Let the other woman take him and he can be her problem. She can support him and do everything while he sits on his lazy ass and thinks he's the king of the castle. You can do better than this. Please file for divorce before the door hits him. Let him know that this "separation" is permanent by having him served with divorce papers.


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## Spicy

So when are you filing the paperwork?


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## She'sStillGotIt

He's a first class POS, make no mistake about it.

But quite honestly, it sounds like he only came back home after your first separation because you guilt-ed him into it, not because he wanted to. I'd also bet good money he was involved with this OW *before *your first separation - I don't believe he 'hooked up with her' only after you officially separated. Nope, I don't.

We see a lot of women on this board lately who are married to complete losers. I don't get it. You all seem to make way more money than these guys, you all do 100% of the work at home on top of being the breadwinner, and on top of _that_, you also have kids that you're raising mostly on your own as well. These loser husbands do the absolute *minimum* in every possible way, and aren't really present or involved in the family and leave that all up to the wives. Most seem to be abusive in some way or another and most are also lying cheaters. But they love that the wife is foolish enough to do all their work FOR them so they can just coast along while she brings in the real money and does everything at home. 

He's required to do precious little and has TONS of playtime - on your dime. And he uses that time to screw you over. What a PRIZE this piece of **** is. Why on earth a woman would want a loser like this in her life boggles my mind. There isn't a man on this PLANET worth *that *price tag. 

I'd boot his worthless ass out the front door so hard his mother would feel it out in Oshkosh.


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## Blondilocks

Just pray that he actually moves out so you can divorce him with fewer problems. All he is contributing to your life is heartache. Let the OW support and mommy him. You can get a real man.


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## Emerging Buddhist

Blessings are not blessings unless you act on them...

We teach people how to treat us and because he had his poor actions gifting him with little consequences it seems he is feeling he can do this again.

People can and will take advantage of our kindness, love, and compassion, it is up to us to make the choice how long we will allow it.

Your "miserable mess" feeling will leave with him but it will take some time as you practice loving yourself more... build something better with that someone out there that will truly be there for you.

You are not an option.


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