# First Christmas Eve alone in my life...Feeling VERY depressed. :(



## WestCoastGirl (Jan 26, 2013)

So my husband and I have been close to divorce many many times, and over the last couple years things have just gone from bad to worse, and to worse than that. But I never thought he'd so easily leave me alone on Christmas Eve. He chose to go to his moms house and took my kids, and because I feel like we just shouldn't pretend anymore, I am here. Alone. I guess I just didn't know how much this would hurt. I have never ever been away from my kids for any holiday...EVER. I'm just feeling extremely depressed. I don't want to live like this.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Sorry you are in this situation , but why did he take the kids with him ? They are your kids too. If he wants to leave , he should go alone . Sorry! Hugs !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WestCoastGirl (Jan 26, 2013)

Yes I thought so too, but didn't want my kids to see more arguing about it, which is what it would have turned into if i said no. I just gave them a hug and said I loved them. I didn't want them to feel like they had to choose, even though my first instinct was to hold onto them and refuse to let them go. Its just so so so much drama all the time. I guess I just gave up because I didn't want more arguing.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Toughest time of the year to be alone. Sorry for your situation. The day will pass and hopefully things will look brighter. 
You refer several times to "my kids." Are the children yours from a different father or is your husband their father?


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Merry Christmas WCG - I trust 2014 is a great year for you


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You can still go over. Doesn't mean you're in the wrong. Just get in the car and drive.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

WCG - Sending you peace today and many blessings for the new year to come. The fact your husband left you alone and took the kids right before the holiday (emotional leverage anyone?) does not speak well of him. Next year you will be in a better place, I have no doubt. 

Do something nice for yourself - a hot relaxing shower, cup of tea, and/or read a funny book. "Holidays on Ice" by David Sedaris is one of my favs. 

No storm in nature lasts forever, this too shall pass.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

bravenewworld said:


> No storm in nature lasts forever, *this too shall pass*.


Nice comment BNW. Is that book suitable for fellas? I might read it.

Your sentence in bold reminded me of one of my favourite stories:

There once lived a king in a Middle Eastern land. The king was continuously torn between ecstatic happiness and deep despondancy. The smallest things could make him really upset or give him an intense high, so that his happiness easily turned into disappointment and despair. 

One day the king got tired of himself and started seeking a way out. 

He sent for a well-known Wiseman who lived at the edge of his kingdom. When he arrived, the king said to him, "I want to be always calm like you. Can you bring me something that give balance, peace and serenity in my life? I will pay whatever price you like."


The Wiseman replied, "I may be able to help you, but the price is so great that not even your kingdom would be enough payment for it. Therefore I will give it to you as a gift, if you will honour it."

The king gave his assurances, and the Wiseman left. A few weeks later he returned, and handed the king an ornate box carved in jade. The king opened the box, and found a simple gold ring inside. The inscription on the ring read, 

<<This, too, shall pass.>>

"What is the meaning of this?" asked the king. 

The Wiseman replied, "Wear this ring always. Whenever anything happens to change your mood - for better or worse - take off the ring and read the inscription. That way, you will always be at peace."


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Loved the story about the king! I have a ring that's a bit plain so I wanted to engrave it with something to make it "special." Hmm......

Holidays on Ice is perfect for fellas and ladies. It's one of those books that literally makes me laugh out loud! Especially when he writes about his experiences being an elf for the Santa house at Macy's. Was enjoying reading it earlier today when I felt a bit blue.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

bravenewworld said:


> Loved the story about the king! I have a ring that's a bit plain so I wanted to engrave it with something to make it "special." Hmm......
> 
> Holidays on Ice is perfect for fellas and ladies. It's one of those books that literally makes me laugh out loud! Especially when he writes about his experiences being an elf for the Santa house at Macy's. Was enjoying reading it earlier today when I felt a bit blue.


I'll order it at the library then. 

Your mention of the elf- job reminded me of a good book by Iain Levison: "A working stiff's manifesto"... Blurb:

"All Iain Levison really wants is a steady paycheck, cable television, and the possibility of a date on Saturday night. But after blowing $40,000 on an English degree, he can’t find the first, can’t afford the second, and can’t even imagine what woman would consent to the third. So he embarks on a time-honored American tradition: scoring a few dead-end jobs until something better comes along. The problem is, it never does.

A Working Stiff's Manifesto is a laugh-out-loud memoir of one man’s quest to stay afloat. From the North Carolina piedmont to the Alaskan waters, Levison’s odyssey takes him on a cross-country tour of wage labor: gofer, oil deliveryman, mover, fish cutter, restaurant manager, cable thief, each job more mind-numbing than the last. A Working Stiff's Manifesto will resonate with anyone who has ever suffered a demeaning job, worn a name badge, or felt the tyranny of the time clock."

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Working-Stiffs-Manifesto-Memoir-Remember/dp/0812967941

Perhaps you will like it. If you did, I could then suggest some more.


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## itsmeokay (Sep 25, 2013)

This is my fear as well--being alone. I am believing that the pain subsides and that things will get better. Divorce also means rebuild, and the things and situations that we are used to (for holidays, gatherings, social outings, etc.) will be different. But different can be good


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm in my 60's and had never been alone until this Christmas. I used it as a strength-building exercise and I had a wonderful day. We have to find new traditions when we leave the old ones behind. It isn't easy but it can be done.


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## painremembers (Oct 11, 2012)

WCG, my first thought when reading your post was how awful you feel about being alone..... My first thought is do you feel awful because your children went off to enjoy a holiday without you? or is it scary getting a glimpse of what life would be like without your husband post divorce? Only one of these is solvable. 

If it has to do with your kids, sorry sweetie but get used to it, some day your kids will grow up and take lives of their own and you can not escape that, it's painful enough that it's diagnosable. They call it empty nest syndrome. It's cause is when we dump all of our love into our children because we feel safe that they will never hurt us or leave us. Problem is that love was designed for our spouse who "should" not leave us until death.
Regarding being alone, I hear a lot of advice to move on, grow stronger, ect... BUT, is that what you want? if you want to be happy again with your husband and have your children growing up with a mom and dad that give them a amazing model of how a relationship should look. Then consider repairing your marriage. There are a ton of marriage improvement courses out there that have proven invaluable to my marriage. My marriage did go from BAD to WORSE and now coming back again. Trust me, very little can't be fixed if your both willing to at least try. JMO


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