# Defensive wife and an ailing sex life



## LostSoul87 (Feb 23, 2021)

Hello everyone, new here. 

Where do I begin, I guess a little background info would be good, wife and I have been together for 8 years and married 6 and we are both in our earlier 30s. Our marriage and sex life was awesome until we had our child almost 4 years. Naturally the bedroom cooled off shortly after conception and has never really came back fallowing the arrival of our child. At first I was patient and understanding, this is normally (right?) but around the time our kid turned 2 it really start to get to me. I'm always the one to initiate, there is no foreplay now other than hot and heavy making out, and the frequency has tanked to around one or two times a month. While I'm up for being intimate more often, the lack of desire and our limited options is what bothers me the most.

Pre conception my wife was the complete opposite. We've been to strip clubs together, watched porn, at one phase she was adamant about setting up a three way with a friend since I never had one, however I declined because I didn't want to nuke our relationship because she is an amazing women and wasn't worth the gamble. I had magical fingers and was good at oral. She was open to trying new things, anal toys you name it My confidence was through the roof, I felt desired, and felt connected to her. Post conception of our child all that's gone. I've told her that I miss what we had, that I get pleasure out of pleasing her, however she gets defensive when I try to talk about it. Sex now, when it does happen, is make out, or occasionally laying there holding her vibrator in the right spot and then straight to business. 

To add insult to injury, because the low frequency, I'm not exactly a marathon runner at this time. She's seems ok and reassure that it is, but its like rubbing an itch..it doesn't fully satisfy it and it comes back with a vengeance. A second go isn't optional as it's "gross", so I'm left lusting for more and fantasising about was basically pre heating for the next time. Along with all the road blocks in the bed room and the huge 180, this has destroyed my confidence across the board, left feeling undesired, and unsatisfied.

Up until recently it been the same routine, sex once or twice a month in a straight to business, every few months I try to talk to her about the situation she gets mad and defensive and accuses me of telling her she's not good enough, I tell her I miss what we had. The other normal rebuttals are that was the honeymoon phase, couples don't have sex like that forever, this is how it is now.... around and around we go. 

Fast forward to last night's blow-up, after attempted to being gaslighted again that this was normal, I calmly told her I felt again and suggested if this is case maybe we aren't sexually compatible anymore. Obviously this didn't go over well, I tried to hug her and comfort, again didn't go over well so I slept on the couch . I don't know what to do anymore, I love her dearly but I'm tried off being made to feel like a freak and my needs being ignored.

I thought of maybe writing a letter to her. It seems like maybe that would be more productive or likely to get through to her than trying to talk in what will turn into a heated moment. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

LostSoul87 said:


> Hello everyone, new here.
> 
> Where do I begin, I guess a little background info would be good, wife and I have been together for 8 years and married 6 and we are both in our earlier 30s. Our marriage and sex life was awesome until we had our child almost 4 years. Naturally the bedroom cooled off shortly after conception and has never really came back fallowing the arrival of our child. At first I was patient and understanding, this is normally (right?) but around the time our kid turned 2 it really start to get to me. I'm always the one to initiate, there is no foreplay now other than hot and heavy making out, and the frequency has tanked to around one or two times a month. While I'm up for being intimate more often, the lack of desire and our limited options is what bothers me the most.
> 
> ...


Honestly, you are four years into parenthood. You do not have a small child who wakes up for feeding, needs diapering, and so on. These are some of the most fun, easiest child-raising years.

All that means this is as good as it is. Your wife is telling you her priorities have changed and she has better things to do. While it's reasonable to not want to leave the kid with a sitter and go clubbing, the bad sex means she just doesn't care much.

Waiting won't help because the kids don't get easier. Your choices are to live with what you get now, or leave.

Don't have more kids. Things will only get worse.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I hate to tell you this, but this is BAD news for you and your sex life. I wouldn't bother writing her a letter, because if she cannot even react with care and interest and a desire to solve what is so obviously a problem for you, she will continue to use those same tactics to get her way from you that have been working for her (in her view) since she lost her interest in sex - shifting blame, invalidating your needs, making everything about HER, etc.

The ONLY hope that I can see for you, that has shown SOME success (although limited), is COUNSELING. 
Many couples believe this is only a "sex" issue, but it's really so much more than that -- it's a CARE issue, it's a relating issue, it's a selfishness issue. And when it's reached THIS stage, it's become way too big for you guys to handle on your own. 

What I would do is tell her that after the awful outcome of your discussion last night, you think it would be best to see a counselor to help you both communicate your needs to eachother, and help you find solutions. Make sure she knows that you value your marriage and your bond, and that you guys need to protect it, and the best way to do that is to get help before things get worse between you. 

DON'T WAIT. This site is filled with threads and posts from people who have been in unsatisfying, sexless (or at least sex-limited) relationships who wasted YEARS hoping their partner would change. If you guys set a precedent that communicating about and caring for eachother's needs is very important to you both, you have a great chance of having a happy marriage!


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

LisaDiane said:


> I hate to tell you this, but this is BAD news for you and your sex life. I wouldn't bother writing her a letter, because if she cannot even react with care and interest and a desire to solve what is so obviously a problem for you, she will continue to use those same tactics to get her way from you that have been working for her (in her view) since she lost her interest in sex - shifting blame, invalidating your needs, making everything about HER, etc.
> 
> The ONLY hope that I can see for you, that has shown SOME success (although limited), is COUNSELING.
> Many couples believe this is only a "sex" issue, but it's really so much more than that -- it's a CARE issue, it's a relating issue, it's a selfishness issue. And when it's reached THIS stage, it's become way too big for you guys to handle on your own.
> ...


This exactly. And you need to communicate that (1) you expect your wants and needs to be counted as equal to hers, and (2) this is a make-or-break issue.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> I hate to tell you this, but this is BAD news for you and your sex life. I wouldn't bother writing her a letter, because if she cannot even react with care and interest and a desire to solve what is so obviously a problem for you, she will continue to use those same tactics to get her way from you that have been working for her (in her view) since she lost her interest in sex - shifting blame, invalidating your needs, making everything about HER, etc.
> 
> The ONLY hope that I can see for you, that has shown SOME success (although limited), is COUNSELING.
> Many couples believe this is only a "sex" issue, but it's really so much more than that -- it's a CARE issue, it's a relating issue, it's a selfishness issue. And when it's reached THIS stage, it's become way too big for you guys to handle on your own.
> ...



LD is 100% correct....if this is an impasse with will be one for years to come, it almost never gets fixed


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

STEP 1: Don't argue about sex. This only serves to make things worse by making her feel inadequate.

STEP 2: Work on being overconfident and at the same time you'll need to try and appear to playfully enjoy her rejections (which are most likely her way to sh!+ test the relationship, but you can use that to your advantage with reverse psychology).

STEP 3: After women go through pregnancy and transform into mom. Her identity has been obliterated and replaced with the notion of being called, "so and so's mom" by most people she encounters in her daily routine. So as a result, you need to be aware that you are now married to a completely different person (this is temporary but can become permanent). You will need to help her be mindful of her personal space and help her get back in touch with her former self. This will involve finding a babysitter and/or hiring a maid. Encourage her to do things for herself and be supportive in a way that helps build back her self confidence and maintain some idea of her independent self. 

STEP 4: Take her out on dates. Whatever it takes to get her out of the house and break up routines of doing something fun and different. If she insists on doing everything as a family and bringing along your child, this is a sign that she struggles to identify as her independent self. Make sure that dates are about her and try and do grown up things. If you get her out of the house, she will be drawn to buying things for your child and running errands for the house. Put a stop to that and get her out of the house to buy things for her and pamper HER a little. Offer to help out with any needed errands at a later time on your own so that you feel like a team that works to help each other independently.

STEP 5: (This is a challenging one) Play hard to get and tell her she hasn't behaved well enough to get any special attention from you. If you do this right, she will rip you apart! 

Good luck!


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

badsanta said:


> STEP 1: Don't argue about sex. This only serves to make things worse by making her feel inadequate.
> 
> STEP 2: Work on being overconfident and at the same time you'll need to try and appear to playfully enjoy her rejections (which are most likely her way to sh!+ test the relationship, but you can use that to your advantage with reverse psychology).
> 
> ...


Usually I like your advice.

But here the OP's wife knows her sex output is inadequate but doesn't care. I agree to not bug her about it because whiny isn't attractive. But her knowing that her intimate effort is what's impacting the marriage is a good thing.

He should not continue to pour attention out on her, which only validates what she's trying to tell him (this level of sex is just what family people do). Counseling and a 180 is what's needed.

Note that sex dropped off after conception. That is before her identity changed to that of "mom". It's probably before she was even showing. This is garden-variety she got what she wanted and closed up shop.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Sounds like if she was previously into strip clubs and such and isn't now, at least you got to have some fun along the way. Maybe it will come back once your kids are out of the house? You just have to wait 15 or so years.

No easy answers. Sorry for your situation


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

You’re already on the right track. You’re not happy and you told her.

Next steps are to get yourself together as much as possible so if she doesn’t turn things around you can be in the best position possible when you leave.

If she hasn’t been forthcoming with any things that are tuning her off or causing her to shut down it may be worth reading some of the books on dead bedrooms. I’d start with “The Dead Bedroom Fix” by DSO. See if you’re doing any of the things in the book and stop.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What you’re dealing with is unfortunately not rare. Many women focus so strongly on being moms that they aren’t concerned about much else. Some do eventually realize the damage they’re causing in their marriage. If you feel comfortable writing her a letter about this then why not. It might be a good start but you‘re probably facing some considerable time and effort to fix things. I hope things work out for you.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

No letters!! This isn’t a business contract dispute where your lawyer tries to subtly threaten legal action. 

Desire cannot be negotiated.

Many of us have tried it all - letters, talks, threats, being open about our feelings, wants and needs as well as lots of choreplay, new furniture, buying new houses etc etc. 

All women change to one degree or another after childbirth (survival of the species depends on it). But some change a little for temporary period of time and bounce back.

And some completely transform permanently. 

You’ve already talked into the brick wall and are getting pushback.

You can either live with this or do something about it. 

Talk and letters and flowers and appeasement is not going to work at this point. 

If you are determined to try to work this out, the next step may be marital counseling.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

LostSoul87 said:


> Where do I begin, I guess a little background info would be good, wife and I have been together for 8 years and married 6 and we are both in our earlier 30s. Our marriage and sex life was awesome until we had our child almost 4 years. Naturally the bedroom cooled off shortly after conception and has never really came back fallowing the arrival of our child. At first I was patient and understanding, this is normally (right?) but around the time our kid turned 2 it really start to get to me. I'm always the one to initiate, there is no foreplay now other than hot and heavy making out, and the frequency has tanked to around one or two times a month. While I'm up for being intimate more often, the lack of desire and our limited options is what bothers me the most.


I think one of the ways this has gone wrong is the presumption that sex ought to fall off the cliff because of pregnancy and having a child.

I've been married twice to women that have had my children and with both of my wives the sex remained very abundant through pregnancy and afterwards from within a few weeks after pregnancy in every instance. That said it can sometimes get messy while having sex and ones partner, can't help spraying milk everywhere while at it.

Likewise I have been with other women that have been pregnant at the time and or had young children and none of them were reticent in wanting a tremendous amount of sex.

That whole accepting sex ought to stop caper, does nothing to maintain sexual desire. Plus it also sends the message, that once someone is a parent their sexuality is now past them.

So given that why on earth did you just lay down and accept that? I mean if sex really was important to you, you should have done something about it at the very beginning?



LostSoul87 said:


> Pre conception my wife was the complete opposite. We've been to strip clubs together, watched porn, at one phase she was adamant about setting up a three way with a friend since I never had one, however I declined because I didn't want to nuke our relationship because she is an amazing women and wasn't worth the gamble.


Yet here you are despite not gambling, with a wife who seldom wants to have sex with you.

Perhaps if you didn't shoot this down you still might be swinging from the chandeliers with her. Seriously if someone finds themselves with a highly sexual partner, shutting down their sexual desire may not be the best path to continue to share a rich sex life with them.

Now sure I can see why you were hesitant, yet if she wanted it as much as you have stated, that would have been quite a kick in the guts to her sexuality as well.



LostSoul87 said:


> Up until recently it been the same routine, sex once or twice a month in a straight to business, every few months I try to talk to her about the situation she gets mad and defensive and accuses me of telling her she's not good enough, I tell her I miss what we had. The other normal rebuttals are that was the honeymoon phase, couples don't have sex like that forever, this is how it is now.... around and around we go.


So you talk to her about it every few months, to no end. That right there is nuts. Seriously doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting different results is a fools errand.

Oh and if she accuses you of saying she isn't good enough, do yourself a favour and own exactly that. You are evidently not happy about it so stop beating around the bushes and pretending otherwise. So next time tell her what she's doing isn't good enough.

Likewise if things don't get better very quickly and stay that way, then you ought to feel free to replace her. Of which the longer you stay in this situation that is not to your liking, the worse it's going to be for you if getting out it.

_"If you can't find the desire to share a rich sex life with me, then it's time for us to let each other go and to find new sexual partners. If you can find the desire to maintain sharing a rich sex life with me, then you will need to do that if you want us to stay married."_

Don't beat around the bush, don't temper what you have to say, be direct and on point. Of which if she won't find that desire and prove it through action, then you would do well to put an end to your marriage as quickly as possible for the sake of both of you.



LostSoul87 said:


> Fast forward to last night's blow-up, after attempted to being gaslighted again that this was normal, I calmly told her I felt again and suggested if this is case maybe we aren't sexually compatible anymore. Obviously this didn't go over well, I tried to hug her and comfort, again didn't go over well so I slept on the couch . I don't know what to do anymore, I love her dearly but I'm tried off being made to feel like a freak and my needs being ignored.


Why would you want to hug her after another refusal, where is your backbone? If she doesn't want to have sex with you very often or at all, then dump her and move on.

Seriously if men and women who found themselves in limited sex marriages or no sex marriages, quickly put and end to such nonsense there wouldn't be many sexless marriages at all.

One thing for sure, you are certainly getting what you settle for.

That said there is the other end of the stick as well. You have done no favours to yourself in maintaining sexual desire, especially by shutting her down and backing off sexually when it was the time to reassert that your sexual desire for her was still rampant despite pregnancy and motherhood. If you want a rich sexual relationship, you have to maintain being a sexually rich partner.

So unless you change your perspective on women's sexuality (thinking they ought to be mostly left alone sexually when pregnant and mothering), you may well be doomed to repeat this kind of thing with other women going forward.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

DTO said:


> Note that sex dropped off after conception. That is before her identity changed to that of "mom". It's probably before she was even showing. This is garden-variety she got what she wanted and closed up shop.


Just to toss this into the conversation... I am usually HD and I actually became LD after my wife conceived for the first time during the process. I had to get a new (better paying job), relocate, deal with putting insurance on COBRA, being over-billed by radiologists that refused to refund me after insurance paid, so on and so on. 

The realization that you are about to become a parent for the first time can be a very dynamic and stressful time where sexual desire can wane. Note that the OP seemed to thing this was "natural" for it to happen. 

As for him pouring attention into helping her reconnect with her independent self, in my opinion couples need to work as a team. Generally speaking it is easy for men to maintain their independence (fishing, hunting, golf, sports), but moms rarely get that chance. If that is the case he should give her a chance and make sure she is living a balanced life as a mom and her independent self. 

Badsanta


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Unlucky! You are now officially a member of the Sex Starved Husbands club. Early '30s? That's a bit premature. I guess some women turn from wife into mother and sex becomes obsolete for them. I don't have any good advice for you, OP. Leave it alone for a bit and see how it goes. Be nice to your wife and don't pester her. If things don't improve (give it 6 months), then you can walk out and watch another man raising your child. Harsh, but reality.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

LostSoul87 said:


> I thought of maybe writing a letter to her. It seems like maybe that would be more productive or likely to get through to her than trying to talk in what will turn into a heated moment. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


I would not write her a letter or look like I am not communicating with her. I would help her round the house a little bit more. Do more stuff together. Would also go and buy an A4 diary and document how I feel at the end of each day. 
Do not accuse her of anything in the diary, never ever, but state certain activities in code example solo sex, . Just describe how you feel and what you wish for and what you are thankful for, which includes your family. Pretend to hide it knowing she will not overcome the curiosity to read your thoughts. Never include yourself looking at other women. Include jokes and good stuff.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> Unlucky! You are now officially a member of the Sex Starved Husbands club. Early '30s? That's a bit premature. I guess some women turn from wife into mother and sex becomes obsolete for them. I don't have any good advice for you, OP. Leave it alone for a bit and see how it goes. Be nice to your wife and don't pester her. If things don't improve (give it 6 months), then you can walk out and watch another man raising your child. Harsh, but reality.


I don't think leaving her alone is a good idea at all -- do you know of ANY instance where a guy (or woman) left there sexless partner alone about it, and they magically regained their desire?? I don't know of ANY from all the TAM posts I've read.

This is NOT just a desire/sex issue -- the problem is she DOES NOT CARE, so she has NO empathy and isn't going to think of HIM or his needs at all. It's only about HER (as you can also tell from her reactions to him trying to communicate)...and THAT needs to be corrected, or it's a viewpoint that she will hang onto until it poisons their whole relationship.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

LisaDiane said:


> I don't think leaving her alone is a good idea at all -- do you know of ANY instance where a guy (or woman) left there sexless partner alone about it, and they magically regained their desire?? I don't know of ANY from all the TAM posts I've read.
> 
> This is NOT just a desire/sex issue -- the problem is she DOES NOT CARE, so she has NO empathy and isn't going to think of HIM or his needs at all. It's only about HER (as you can also tell from her reactions to him trying to communicate)...and THAT needs to be corrected, or it's a viewpoint that she will hang onto until it poisons their whole relationship.


The problem with not leaving her alone is that she will resent him even more. She might even start detaching, although it sounds to me she is doing that already. He has to be patient and careful. If you want my honest opinion, when relationships get to this stage, it's too late.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

LisaDiane said:


> This is NOT just a desire/sex issue -- the problem is she DOES NOT CARE, so she has NO empathy and isn't going to think of HIM or his needs at all. It's only about HER (as you can also tell from her reactions to him trying to communicate)...and THAT needs to be corrected, or it's a viewpoint that she will hang onto until it poisons their whole relationship.


If a woman is having sex with me because she is thinking of my needs, well for me that's a big NO THANK YOU. I'm good.


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## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

There is always a reason for the drop-off in sex and affection.

It isn't about "being a mom now", hormonal changes, etc. And it isn't about not having enough time. Those are all bogus excused that get used frequently. I know plenty of people who have kids, careers, etc. and still have great sex

One thing I am a bit suspicious of is the three way. My spider-sense tells me that the fiance asking for a three way with one of her female friends might be an issue (I am assuming it was another girl). Are you sure there aren't issues with her sexuality?

But as far as fixing this situation, I would NOT try and continue to negotiate, put down ultimatums, complain, do more chores, etc. --none of the is going to work. You need to do the following:

1. get into the best shape of your life. Lift weights, run, play sports. If there is a gut, you lose that in a couple months. Diet, eat right, etc.
2. You go out and get yourself some threads after getting into shape. No more wearing a basball cap and dingy t-shirt, etc. You go out to one of the most stylish clothing stores and find the gayest dude in there to help you find a great style. Even though I am happily married, when I go out, I look amazing, with black vest and Hermes tie, Italian leather sport coat, and Justin boots. You need to do the same thing.
3. Expand your hobbies and start going out a LOT. Go out with your buddies, go to meetup groups, whatever --get OUT of the house. Do NOT tell the wife where you are going, and don't tell her when you will be back. You feel like staying out all night? Do it. Grab a room.
4. No more sex with the wife. You are on sex-strike going forward.
5. Lock your phone, and password-protect the laptop. 
6. Go to a real hair salon, not Supercuts. 

you are going to take control going forward, and when she sees you slipping away, and that you have bettered yourself in a huge way, her attitude will change 100%. You need to stop going to the wife for affirmation. 

And when she complains that you are not around, don't call, or even accuses you of having an affair, you simply say "hey, I thought you wanted space? You can do your own thing, and don't have to worry about sex with me, or any demands".

She is the one pushing you away --now it is time to take a vacation from the marriage.


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## hplove (Jan 19, 2021)

i would do all this:




badsanta said:


> STEP 1: Don't argue about sex. This only serves to make things worse by making her feel inadequate.
> 
> STEP 2: Work on being overconfident and at the same time you'll need to try and appear to playfully enjoy her rejections (which are most likely her way to sh!+ test the relationship, but you can use that to your advantage with reverse psychology).
> 
> ...



and this:



Manner1067 said:


> There is always a reason for the drop-off in sex and affection.
> 
> It isn't about "being a mom now", hormonal changes, etc. And it isn't about not having enough time. Those are all bogus excused that get used frequently. I know plenty of people who have kids, careers, etc. and still have great sex
> 
> ...


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Mybabysgotit said:


> If a woman is having sex with me because she is thinking of my needs, well for me that's a big NO THANK YOU. I'm good.


Well, I know it technically sounds like that, but it's really NOT how I mean it at all. It's about valuing my partner in a way that means I view meeting his needs (for more than just sex) as something special and an honor. It's about being excited that he has a need for sex with ME and MY body, because he's excited for me too.

Viewed like that, it's never pathetic or boring duty sex. I used to be SO grateful when I had babies and toddlers that my husband wanted sex, because I loved to have someone touching me for being a desirable woman, and not just a mommy. Was I tired? YES. Did I have time for 2hr sex-sessions? NOPE. But being able to kiss and be sexual together like adults was a GIFT we gave eachother during the high-stress times of child-rearing, even when we would rather fall asleep or watch a movie.

And I loved EVERY minute of it (and so did he).


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

LisaDiane said:


> I used to be SO grateful when I had babies and toddlers that my husband wanted sex, because I loved to have someone touching me for being a desirable woman, and not just a mommy. Was I tired? YES. Did I have time for 2hr sex-sessions? NOPE. But being able to kiss and be sexual together like adults was a GIFT we gave eachother during the high-stress times of child-rearing, even when we would rather fall asleep or watch a movie.
> 
> And I loved EVERY minute of it (and so did he).


Which is exactly why you don't let the sex go during that time, because if you do the big takeaway for the woman is her man doesn't desire her sexually anymore.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I can not understand slowdown during pregnancy...it was gas on the fire for me. Could not keep my hands off my wife. Afterward there was a slowdown more than i liked. She was stressed and my sex took more time. She had issue with feeling guilty doing anything for herself. Childhood issues. She was having pain during sex at times too.

I got to a breaking point and read NMMNG AND MMSLP. I started lifting and lost 50# in 6 weeks. I stopped being upset about lack of sex(1x every 7-10 days) She was more aroused during her period...how do you think a man feels that his wife wants him more while she is bleeding. Oral out the window.

I stopped being upset and clingy and did my own things. She really took notice and thought i had one foot out the door. I was of the mind that if things did not change i will hit the ground running from this wreck. It is tough when your LL is physical intimacy and you feel completely abandoned. 

We had a discussion and my wife is red pill. My indecisiveness and not making decisions and standing on those decisions did NOT make her hot for sex with me. By always saying, What ever you want to do....

I learned this from how i was raised. My dad was beta and loved my mom soo much he let her walk all over him. She was not a good wife in my view. One night i was very upset and clammed up setting on the bet. I was holding back soo much and my wife said, "Baby, what is it? Talk to me?" 

I realized what my issue was. I was the conflict avoidant nice guy like my dad was. The dam broke in snot and tears and in that moment i told her, "I dont want to be my dad"
That hurt also because i looked up to my dad.

Our issue was communication and wife feeling like all the responsibilities were on he because i would defer to her to choose. It really did not matter one way or other to me. But she wanted to not be the one making the decision for the family. Women were never meant to be the captain of the ship. Responsible if it runs aground, that is stressfull crap for them. They are supposed to be your 1st mate that you go to for help with a tough decision and for support when needed. 

Over the next 2 days resentment i was holding in came out and left her stunned. She was upset and hurt, found out she did not know me as well as she thought after 12 yrs.

Now if i have an issue i voice it. Complete honesty. I she asks me about what she has on...if i dont like it i say so. Vice versa. She does something that upsets me, i voice it. She said i cant change it if yoy dont tell me.

I now wear the pants that she helped me put on by helping me change from how i was raised. The last 12 yrs have been awesome. Sex life is outstanding. Im 49 and she is 52.

Be the Captain of the ship. If it helps great, if not disregard.


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