# How long to stay in mc



## Uselessmale (May 20, 2017)

I have posted before, but been in mc for 4 almost 5 months. We still have problems talking apparently because I can only talk to my wife when I get drunk. She and I both feel we haven’t made a lot of progress in counseling. We are both physically and emotionally exhausted from this process. How long do we keep this up? We don’t really fight nd seem to get along as long as we don’t try to talk about our real issues. There may be an obvious answer but I’m in the middle and can’t see it. Thanks for your time. ( I come from a family of alcholics, not my thing, just don’t like to get drunk just to open up to my wife)


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

There are marriage issues and there are personal issues. If the personal issues are what is causing the marriage problems, then marriage counseling isn't going to help. If you are unable to communicate with your wife about important matters unless you are drunk that sounds like a personal issue that needs to be addressed with individual counseling rather than marriage counseling.

I'm recommending that you stop marriage counseling at this time and enter individual counseling to work through the issues that are causing you to create problems in your marriage. Your wife cannot do anything to resolve marriage issues through counseling or otherwise if she isn't the one causing the problem in the first place. In other words; she can't work through your issues for you. That's your job.

Best wishes.


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## Uselessmale (May 20, 2017)

Thank you


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## Uselessmale (May 20, 2017)

I don’t drink often , I am apparently emotionally shut down unless I drink. She’s been verbally abusive for years and trying to get better. I guess I can’t get over the past.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Uselessmale said:


> I don’t drink often , I am apparently emotionally shut down unless I drink. She’s been verbally abusive for years and trying to get better. I guess I can’t get over the past.


These are things you can work through in individual counseling. If you have things from the past that you need to work through, do that in individual counseling. You really cannot work on having a healthy marriage when your own personal issues are holding you back.

If your wife is verbally abusive, it would help you to learn how to respond to her in a way that is safe for you and doesn't enable her. To stop being verbally abusive isn't something that she needs to work on. It's something she needs to stop. She may also need therapy to find out why she is having that issue and how to resolve what causes her to act out in such an unhealthy manner.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Listen, you have written 4 or 5 threads about your marriage. 

If only half of what you say is true, she is a monster, and you are a spineless wimp. 

When will you ever get the balls to divorce her. WHEN? 

She is not a nice person, and dude you have got to find your balls. 

You and I are about the same age, I am happily divorced and my life is night and day from yours. 

You just need to pull the trigger and file for divorce...


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## Raffi (Feb 9, 2018)

I would actually say try a different marriage counselor. It's possible the one you are working with just isn't any good. Try someone else and see if they can't help you get what you want out of this relationship.


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