# Why do they cheat?



## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

It's been 4 years since D-day with my WH. I still think now that i should have asked more questions as i still believe he hasn't told me the whole truth. Since it was so long ago, it's too late now.

So my question is, why do they cheat? 

Why not try and COMMUNICATE and fix what's wrong first and if all other avenues have been exhausted, then maybe consider seperating instead of cheating. Then of course when they are found out, they are begging and pleading to come back home and be forgiven. 

I just don't understand why you would want to hurt someone so badly.


----------



## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

"Since it was so long ago, it's too late now"

too late to talk to your husband about something that is bothering you intensely for 4 years?

I don't believe that.

you don't have to have a fight about it, but he should be willing to help you heal at any time


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

> I just don't understand why you would want to hurt someone so badly.


Some don't realise they are hurting their spouse. Some know they are and do it for revenge for something which is perceived as damaging to them. Some don't think it's all that big a deal. Some think they were pretty much forced to do it. 

The reasons vary as much as the individual. You can only get this answer from your spouse. Sometimes we will never get it. Who knows if they even want to be honest with themselves? I think it would hurt to be that honest with themselves. 

I hope you find the peace you deserve.


----------



## badkarma2013 (Nov 9, 2013)

ReidWright said:


> "Since it was so long ago, it's too late now"
> 
> too late to talk to your husband about something that is bothering you intensely for 4 years?
> 
> ...


Most MCs worth their salt will tell you that staying in the M for just the sake of the children is a HUGE MIstake....They Will recover from a broken home ...living in the HELL OF A FALSE R and a roller coaster marriage..NOT SO MUCH..


----------



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

badkarma2013 said:


> Most MCs worth their salt will tell you that staying in the M for just the sake of the children is a HUGE MIstake....They Will recover from a broken home ...living in the HELL OF A FALSE R and a roller coaster marriage..NOT SO MUCH..


Not derailing here.. But I don't get your response to that quote ?

OP didn't mention children and didn't mention anything about false R.. 


But to the OP..

Some people are broken and you just don't see it.. My Ex would get caught in the middle of a EA and look for remorse.. I went through this 3 times of various stages and levels until she finally had the PA and it was all over.. 

In 90 days, 20 years was gone.. Everything washed away.. 

I think my Ex has a hole that just can't be filled.. She thinks this was the fix of leaving her family for the other man.. But even if last several years.. I know it won't last forever.. 3, 4, 5, 6 years down the line this will be done with.. 

Or this could be the love of her life and I just wasn't and she just didn't know how to tell me. .I don't know.. There was a time I cared to know and needed to know... Today I am hurt and crushed but I don't care anymore about her.. She has left me enough emotional scars that I need to deal with for the sake of me, my kids and current relationship that has to deal with MY issues sadly..

As was mentioned, ask but don't look to fight.. Just don't expect any real answers honestly..


----------



## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

If you really knew why or could diagnose the reasons you would be a millionaire , I would pay you to know why my wife cheated.

Blinded by their selfishness, they believe they are justified in their actions by "what *you* did to them", need the attention and thrill of another to fill the black hole of an ego they have, don't respect you and they think the odds are in their favor that if they are caught you will not divorce them anyhow.

I am sure there are more those are just the ones that popped into my mind HAHA


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I haven't a clue why my wife cheated, other than she wanted to?:scratchhead:

As for my stupid revenge affair?

I spent a year drunk, met a fellow drunk (with issues of her own) through a hobby group and sort of stumbled into a revenge affair.

I wanted someone who would listen to me, maybe even to talk with a friendly voice of someone who hadn't cheated on me, as my wife had? Sick and silly, I know.


----------



## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

I suppose the answer is as varied as are cheaters.

I also believe there is a common thread found in the answer. 

The philosopher, James Allen, proposed that our outward actions are manifestations of what has been going on previously in our minds and hearts. 

I believe this to be mostly true.


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

I think there are differences between the sexes with cheating. To try and boil it down to the nitty-gritty, though; its a need for attention and/or control.

The cheater views their relationship/marriage as a vehicle to fulfill their needs. If they don't get exactly what they want, they lash out by looking outside the relationship. Rules do not apply to them, their needs supercede that. Its their way, or watch out.


----------



## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Another common thread I've observed in ALL cheaters I'm personally acquainted with is the trait of dishonesty. 

I'm sure there are exceptions out there somewhere, but not in what I have experienced.


----------



## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

My hubby first started messing around not long after we had our first child. I think this scared the crap out of him so he started going out clubbing every weekend and not coming home. I got a confession out of him one night when he was really drunk. He admitted that he was going out and making out with other women. I kicked him out and told him he couldn't come back home till he told me the whole truth of what he was doing. He begged abd pleaded to come home for over two weeks stating that is was no more then kissing. He wanted the attention cause most of my time was spent with our new baby.

It is still no excuse to do what he did. Just hoping he has told me the whole truth.


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Kissing is cheater script for oral.

Just once means many times.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Q tip said:


> Kissing is cheater script for oral.
> 
> Just once means many times.


Well, not always. In my case it was just kissing, but it nearly went further, but it didn't.


----------



## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

If he went out many times clubbing and 'making out' with women, he had sex.

What is he like now? And is this lack of truth something you can get past? Does he lie? Is he a good partner? Does he stand up as a man and take care of his responsibilities? Has he turned a corner and come full circle to a reasonable human being who is eager to ensure yours, the children's, and his needs are met in equal quantity and necessity of needs?


----------



## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Well, not always. In my case it was just kissing, but it nearly went further, but it didn't.


Matt, with all due respect, You can really skew the truth sometimes. Your situation is so different that it really doesn't help someone when the obvious is staring them in the face, for you to come in with your totally out of the ordinary situation. It gives an element of hope or puts in question, the completely hopeless or the totally unbelievable. This is really unhelpful to the OP. 

When a poster first arrives it takes a lot of time for them to see the reality. I see it over and again, and I was that person also. And the Newby is still clutching at straws to explain away the inexplicable. It is then unhelpful to offer them a straw that is intangible to no one but you. When relevant, great! I can't say that I have ever seen that relevancy tho.

I do like your comments apart from that!


----------



## beautiful_day (Mar 28, 2013)

I spent many hours agonizing over _why _he'd cheated on me. It wasn't for her looks, clearly. 

It took me a number of years to realize that he did it because he _wanted to_, and because he _didn't expect to get caught_. It really is that simple. Betraying me, ripping apart our family, ruining his son's education and stability didn't come into the equation. 

But a more important point, I think, is our unending quest to find a different answer to the question. That can't be it, surely? It can't be that simple? That we simply didn't matter enough. There must be more complicated answer, and if we could just pin it down, get them to confess it, we could CONTROL IT. We could make sure that it NEVER HAPPENED AGAIN. We could PROTECT ourselves and our families. 

So we spend months ... years even ... trying to untangle it, because our sense of security depends on it - focusing on them, and their equally screwed up little buddies, rather than on us and our children. 

At what point do you become so sick of thinking about it, that you start to seriously consider how to rid yourself of these thoughts forever? *Hint: kick his arse out. It's never too late* 

There's a deep sense of satisfaction in skipping down the path of freedom, spending a fat alimony check on frivolities, and finding a lovely new man who _doesn't _cause you to sit up in bed at 4 in the morning reading infidelity sites trying to figure out _why _he tore your life apart.


----------



## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

*Re: Re: Why do they cheat?*



Remains said:


> If he went out many times clubbing and 'making out' with women, he had sex.
> 
> What is he like now? And is this lack of truth something you can get past? Does he lie? Is he a good partner? Does he stand up as a man and take care of his responsibilities? Has he turned a corner and come full circle to a reasonable human being who is eager to ensure yours, the children's, and his needs are met in equal quantity and necessity of needs?


He is great now. He is a great father and would do anything for me and our children. The moment he came back home he stopped going out clubbing and he no longer hangs out with the friends he used to go out with back then. 

The reason why i questioned him that night many years ago is because he is a SH*T lier. He can not lie at all. So i knew if i asked him he would tell the truth. The best thing i ever did back then was expose him to his family. They absolutely ripped him a new one. I am best friends with is sister and she was so disappointed in him. They are really close and he admitted everything to her (which is exactly what he told me). 

I have gotten past it for the most of it. But of course it still plays ony mind almost every day. 

If he goes out now he always comes home. At the latest 1am. When he goes out he always goes out with my brother, brother-in-law and some friends.


----------



## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

I don't know the answer to this but I will say my WH always told ME that he talked very highly up north when he was working with everyone. NOW I'm scum apparently.


----------



## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

Can anyone please recommend some books on coping with infidelity and also on how to improve our marriage / relationship. Also on how i can improve on myself?


----------



## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

Meli33 said:


> Can anyone please recommend some books on coping with infidelity and also on how to improve our marriage / relationship. Also on how i can improve on myself?


Coping with Infidelity:
NOT "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity - by Shirley Glass

Marriage/Relationship improvement:
The Five Love Languages
Getting the Love You Want
Feeling Good Together

To improve yourself? Freud and Jung said individuation has two components: Work and Love. That which gives you a sense of purpose and the connectivity of one soul to another. Somewhere inside you there is an understanding of work & love that is truly unique to you. Normally, there are also some self-imposed impediments to acting upon this unique understanding. You have heard the expression, "I was living some else's life". Removing the impediments is what IC is all about. Many people develop the ego strength to reject "living someone else's life" at midlife. David Burns has some good books on this, but I really like this one:
The Middle Passage

Kindest Regards-


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Meli33 said:


> Why not try and COMMUNICATE and fix what's wrong first and if all other avenues have been exhausted, then maybe consider separating instead of cheating.


why?
they are stupid
they think they will not be caught
the sex is 2X kinkier with their new partner, part because it is new, part because they are cheating/lying and can laught about it with the new partner
sometimes because they THOUGHT they did tell you, but thought you did not care to fix things
they are evil
they were brought up as a bad person
they learned to be a bad person
they have cheating in their genes (saw parents cheating, siblings, etc)
they read TOO MUCH modern crap (cosmo, AM, AFF, womens sites telling them they deserve more in life...)
the failing of established religions to go from authoritarian rule based structures to a more nuturing/philosophical structure--alienating most with a thinking mind
Public news stories of cheating/innapropriate behavior by trusted citizens(Bill Clinton, priests with altarboys, ministers cheating on wives, closet gay senators writing antigay legislation....)
the coming of "the end of days"
tough economic times straining the marriage bonds
sexist rap music teaching our youth that cheating is ok
hollywood movies/tv teaching our youth that cheating is ok
excessive and more and more kinky porn on the internet making men AND women question why they are not getting some of this weird sex
apps that help you to cheat (grinder, whatsapp, facebook, tumblr,craigslist...)
just bad news making people say "what the ****...im gonna go for it", like ebola, ISIS, 20 year long war in Iraq, midleeast unrest, countries developing the atomic bomb
Politicians proving that their morals are worse than ever, shaking faith in our society
PC leftists rewriting what is ok/wrong in society
boys not being shown or taught what it takes to be a man
the takeover of our education system by ultra leftists--destroying family values
ultra rightists foisting bigoted values-making people feel unwanted/unloved in their own community



there is just a lot of bad stuff out there. One needs a thoughtful and communicative marriage to keep things on the rails. Lots of stuff out there trying to knock that train off the rails, or throw an unexpected switch to a side spur.


----------



## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

badkarma2013 said:


> Most MCs worth their salt will tell you that staying in the M for just the sake of the children is a HUGE MIstake....They Will recover from a broken home ...living in the HELL OF A FALSE R and a roller coaster marriage..NOT SO MUCH..


Most MCs may tell you this. Or they may not. Either way, I disagree. As to the original question, because they can.


----------



## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

This business about breaking up the family because of marital strife I think is stupid and selfish.


----------



## nanofaan (Aug 1, 2014)

communication dont work with the bridges between spouses are destroyed.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I think people cheat because there is something that they want that they are not getting from their marriage.

Whether or not it is reasonable for them to want that thing depends on the situation. They may want sex, specific sex acts, love, affection, excitement, novelty. Maybe they want to fell young again, or desirable. Some have uncontrollable sexual addictions. They may want a same-sex partner. It all depends .

I haven't cheated, but I have certainly thought about it. Why - quite simple, my wife won't sleep with me (and yes, I'd done everything I can think of to fix it). Divorce - yes I've thought of that too. 

Other people have other reasons.


----------



## TimeHeals (Sep 26, 2011)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> I think people cheat because there is something that they want that they are not getting from their marriage.
> 
> Whether or not it is reasonable for them to want that thing depends on the situation. They may want sex, specific sex acts, love, affection, excitement, novelty. Maybe they want to fell young again, or desirable. Some have uncontrollable sexual addictions. They may want a same-sex partner. It all depends .
> ...


Or variety. New vaginas, new penises, new unfamiliar person, new ego strokes are more precious, and a bunch of other immature crap that just basically says... you shouldn't have married somebody and tied them down because you aren't up to this?

Seen too many people go through their lives making the same mistakes over and over. Seen spouses at 75 years old still waiting for them to change too.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Meli33 said:


> So my question is, why do they cheat?


Simple, it's selfishness. They care much more about themselves than they do about you. In other words, they don't really love you.


----------



## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> Simple, it's selfishness. They care much more about themselves than they do about you. In other words, they don't really love you.


I agree with you, if they were truly in love with you, they would never even consider such a thing.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

SomethingsUp said:


> I agree with you, if they were truly in love with you, they would never even consider such a thing.


Exactly and because of that they would put your feelings above their own selfishness.

I know that's painful to hear for some people here but it's not rocket science. Pretty straightforward.


----------



## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

Fall out of love with us or never really loved us to begin with? That's the only thing that makes sense to me.


----------



## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

When DDay happened, all my H would say to me over and over looking right at me was "I Love my Wife, I Love my Wife". It was like he was telling someone else this, not me. 

It was weird.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I think there are three basic motivations: pleasure, perceived advantage, and anger/revenge.

Why do people eat junk food instead of healthy food, or spend hours on the internet instead of exercising? Because it's more pleasurable. Cheating can be the same - it's easier and provides an immediate pleasure "hit" versus the (often) hard work of a relationship.

Why do people speed on the highway, or cheat on their taxes? Because they perceive a benefit that outweighs the potential consequences. And most of the time, they aren't caught. Over 80% of cheaters aren't caught, either, so for many the perceived benefit is real.

Anger and revenge are obvious motives - they want to hurt their partner for some real of perceived injustice or neglect. These are the cheaters who are most likely to be caught, as their revenge isn't complete otherwise.


----------



## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Over 80% of cheaters aren't caught


I'm not doubting it, but where is that from and how is cheating defined? Is there also a statistic for how many marriages involve discovered cheating? From that can we extrapolate how many marriages involve infidelity?


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Harken Banks said:


> I'm not doubting it, but where is that from and how is cheating defined? Is there also a statistic for how many marriages involve discovered cheating? From that can we extrapolate how many marriages involve infidelity?


The actual stats were derived from a study of people using a UK site that enables extramarital sex. The results are self-reported, which makes them somewhat unreliable, but of course it's going to be difficult to get accurate information as there is a benefit to concealing cheating. The survey found that 95 per cent of women and 83 per cent of men have cheated on partners and not been found out.

From Infidelity Statistics | Statistic Brain :

Percent of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional 41 % 
Percent of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had 57 % 
Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had 54 % 
Percent of married men who have strayed at least once during their married lives 22 % 
Percent of married women who have strayed at least once during their married lives 14 %


----------



## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> The actual stats were derived from a study of people using a UK site that enables extramarital sex. The results are self-reported, which makes them somewhat unreliable, but of course it's going to be difficult to get accurate information as there is a benefit to concealing cheating. The survey found that 95 per cent of women and 83 per cent of men have cheated on partners and not been found out.
> 
> From Infidelity Statistics | Statistic Brain :
> 
> ...


How do we reconcile 41% admitting to marital infidelity with 36% having strayed? I'm not sure what infidelity is outside of marriage. Topic for another day.


----------



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

beautiful_day said:


> There's a deep sense of satisfaction in skipping down the path of freedom, spending a fat alimony check on frivolities, and finding a lovely new man who _doesn't _cause you to sit up in bed at 4 in the morning reading infidelity sites trying to figure out _why _he tore your life apart.


And I'll add from another perspective as a BH who was the main breadwinner. There is a deep sense of satisfaction each month as I send the alimony check, that although money can't buy happiness, it can rid you of misery. That check is the only thing she drains me of these days. Unlike the deep emotional and financial toll I paid while we were together, this drain is finite and has a limited time span.


----------



## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Harken Banks said:


> How do we reconcile 41% admitting to marital infidelity with 36% having strayed? I'm not sure what infidelity is outside of marriage. Topic for another day.


I take it back. Of course it is not as simple as adding up the percentages of men and women who report having strayed. But if roughly 40% self report, where does that leave us with marriages in general. 40% is a lot.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Sometimes there isn't anything else to eat...


There is another thread where a husband told his wife he was also attracted to men - but had not interest in actually sleeping with men and was faithful. She reacted with shock and horror.

Next time he has a deep dark secret he wants to tell someone, he will find someone else to tell -> emotional affair.

I'm not saying that all cheaters have an excuse, but if you are not meeting your spouse's sexual and emotional needs, you shouldn't be surprised if they get those met somewhere else. 




Married but Happy said:


> snip
> 
> Why do people eat junk food instead of healthy food, snip .


----------



## nightmare01 (Oct 3, 2014)

Meli33 said:


> It's been 4 years since D-day with my WH. I still think now that i should have asked more questions as i still believe he hasn't told me the whole truth. Since it was so long ago, it's too late now.
> 
> So my question is, why do they cheat?
> 
> ...


I am 13 years beyond Dday and am in a similar place as you are.

It seems overly simplistic, but I think they have affairs because they want to and they think they can get away with it. It's just that simple.

There also is a thing inside them that makes having an affair a OK thing to do. That thing inside them is THEIRS to work on.. and I really don't want to hear much about it - other than they are working on it - because what is said sounds to me like justification and lame excuses.


----------



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Meli33 said:


> It's been 4 years since D-day with my WH. I still think now that i should have asked more questions as i still believe he hasn't told me the whole truth. Since it was so long ago, it's too late now.
> 
> So my question is, why do they cheat?
> 
> ...


VARIETY was always my reason!! Meaningless freaky sex not necessarily better sex just different. The way they kissed, felt, how tight, how they were in bed, I was big into different ethnicities for awhile, then after 3-4 times off to the next one


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

love=pain said:


> If you really knew why or could diagnose the reasons you would be a millionaire , I would pay you to know why my wife cheated.
> 
> Blinded by their selfishness, they believe they are justified in their actions by "what *you* did to them", need the attention and thrill of another to fill the black hole of an ego they have, don't respect you and they think the odds are in their favor that if they are caught you will not divorce them anyhow.
> 
> I am sure there are more those are just the ones that popped into my mind HAHA


L=P,

Exactly...

I was reading along and got to this and thought I must of responded and didn't remember. I'll just add... my FWW admitted that the level of Attention was addictive to her.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

To me cheaters have characters flaws. When you are a person of character and looking at someone who has little or none it's hard not to head scratch and go why? Why would you do something so selfish and break promises and vows. And that is the great fail. If you are a person of moral standing and character, if you do what you say and take vows seriously you will never understand truly the other side. 

In this world their are good and bad people, people of character and morals and those with none. Why they cheat? It's what is their nature to do so. Why we wonder? Because it's our nature on the other side to not really understand. Best you can hope for is to avoid these people for relationships. They are out there.


----------



## interesting (Oct 27, 2014)

I think they cheat because they can. I was married 20 years….now divorced…..my husband cheated on me several times. I found out by getting to the mail first…..a post card….can you believe it? 

I think they cheat because it's all about THEIR needs and wants……not those of their spouses. They are selfish. 

My ex-husband said he still loved me…….and his "other life" had nothing to do with me. Really? 

They cheat because they have no morals. Oh….and didn't you know……..everyone does……at least that is what I was told.

They cheat because their spouse doesn't give them what they need. She might do all the cooking….care of the children…..house cleaning…..and hold down a full time job….but she doesn't give him what he wants.

They cheat because ……..


----------



## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

Can someone please link me to the post that can show me how to start doing the 180. Thanks heaps.


----------



## timedoesnothealall (Sep 15, 2013)

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say “I Love You”.
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold – just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don’t be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.


----------



## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Meli33,
I posted a thread named "No Choice". It may help you understand, it may not. The first time your H strayed you gave him serious consequences, pain, a "spanking" if you will. He straightened up. Some require much, much more pain to effect change and some never do change no matter the consequences. Read my thread, if you so choose, it explains it further.

ETA:http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/229370-no-choice.html


----------



## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

As someone who cheated in almost every relationship in my life, except the one with my ex wife, I'll answer this very truthfully and too the point. 


"Why do men cheat"?

1) Because we want to. 
2) Because we can
3) Because we're *********s and jerks. 

A man's cheating doesn't really reflect on his partner. Unless it's for revenge or something, but even then. It's almost always JUST about them and their issues. 

Cheating is a character flaw. I knew I was scumbag when I was younger, I just didn't care and was very, very selfish. 

I do think it can be broken tho. But it takes incredible will and maturity. 

The question for you is. 


Do you want to hang around and go through the motions and come of the bench while he figures it out (or doesn't)

????


----------

