# 13 yr old got nose pierced



## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

She had bought a friend an outfit, they bought matching outfits on her 13th birthday (in September) with her birthday money. The friend said she would pay her back by getting her nose pierced when friend gets her nose pierced on her birthday.

I heard them discussing this after they had gone shopping together to choose the matching outfits. I had said I would let her know, but hadn't said yes or no, but she knew I had some reservations about it.

Today, after school, they went and had it done. I asked my daughter why the mother hadn't gotten my consent before doing this. She said they pierced each other's noses and hadn't had it done somewhere. I don't know if she was saying it so I wouldn't be mad at the mom, or if that's the truth.

Anyway, husband threw absolute FIT over this. He says it's ****ty. I would never think of it as ****ty, but possibly a little rebellious. What do you all think? It's a tiny rhinestone piercing on the right side.

My problems with it are that it's a sign of rebellion (possibly), and that she didn't have my permission to do it.

He's blowing it WAY out of proportion saying it's ****ty.

Edit: I didn't expect that word to be bleeped. Can I say it as sleazy instead of the other "sl" word?


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

I would be more concerned about 13 yr olds piercing each other's body parts... at least a professional would know how to do it safely... she could get an infection if it's not done properly and maintained. There's also a much higher risk of permanent scarring on her face. That's not the sort of thing you do at 13 yrs old without parental permission.

Just my opinion but calling it sl--ty is the wrong approach. This isn't about how it looks but about how she went behind your backs and did it in an unsafe manner to boot. Calling your 13 yr old daughter sl--ty is a really bad move in my view. Can have all sorts of negative consequences for her.

And how the heck do you pierce someone's nose in the comfort of your own home? With a hole punch? WTH?


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## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

Yeah, I think she is lying to cover for the fact that the mother of the girl took them to have it done.

I told her dad we would discuss it on the weekend, as I had to get to work (I work 3rd shift). He was being belligerent and yelling at me, and saying he was going to yank it out of her nose and how sl**tty that is.

The big problem is that he and I never agree, and he is always nasty and belligerent. I will admit that I'm sometimes too passive, so I'm the other extreme.

I'm not sure how to deal with the nose piercing issue. I guess I don't see that it's a whole lot different than an ear piercing. It's not like it's one of those large nose rings, it's very subtle.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

I'm sorry but I agree with your H and understand his reaction. It's really bad especially for a girl that young. Obviously, yelling and screaming is not going to work, but he should insist that she have it removed. The hole will close up.

You should back your H up on this one.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

using the word sl*t in reference to something rebellious a 13 year old child did is disgusting,IMO. Your husband overreacted and while he has every right to be upset,he still needs to keep his reactions and foul words in check.

I'm not a super relaxed parent but I don't think I'd make a huge deal about a nose piercing at this point.It isn't permanent. If she takes it out now she might have a teeny dot of a scar on her nose,that's it. 

Instead of focusing on what she did the focus should be on why she did it behind your back and how to keep those things from happening in the future. sl*t shaming over a piercing is no way to fix the sneaking around to do what she wants issue.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I highly doubt two 13 years olds pierced their own noses, that is tough area to pierce. There is a lot to be upset about in this situation.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Sorry OP, this is completely unacceptable not only for a 13 year old CHILD but also for ANY adult.

Don't you know that visual piercings.....on nose....mouth.....ears (loops) etc pretty much limit you from GETTING A JOB THAT YOU WANT?

Jesus, I thought my kids this lesson when they were 10.

I don't really give a crap how it looks, what people think, to ME it SHOULD be personal CHOICE.

HOWEVER, with ANY decision comes CONSEQUENCE. Consequence of such action is........working at Walmart or Mcdonalds for rest of your life (ok ok, maybe not a little nose piercing......but ear loops FOR SURE).

Problem is, it's like plastic surgery, once you do one....it's a domino effect. When she is 18, and if she STILL hasn't learned the lesson above.......expect lip rings and ear loops.

DO NOT limit yourself to ****ty jobs but some stupid piercings or whatever "other people look down upon". 

And besides, let's forget about careers and other people perception for a second.

Why alter your body AT ALL? Why not just accept what you have and be happy with it? 

Perhaps there is a MUCH deeper lesson to teach your child here.....


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

clearly slvtty


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

DoF said:


> Sorry OP, this is completely unacceptable not only for a 13 year old CHILD but also for ANY adult.
> 
> Don't you know that visual piercings.....on nose....mouth.....ears (loops) etc pretty much limit you from GETTING A JOB THAT YOU WANT?
> 
> ...



the issue isn't the piercing itself, the 2 main issues is that her husband is using slvt shaming tactics and her daughter is clearly lying and going behind her back

and ftr many people don't share your view on body modification, and a nose piercing can be reversed without too much issue if it does become an employment issue


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

OP, the main issue here is that your 13 year old daughter undermined you & completely disregarded your (& your husband's)authority. I would be absolutely livid if another adult authorized for my MINOR child to get a piercing. But then again, your daughter may have lied to that mom - which is still dumb because that other mom should have checked with YOU first. I highly doubt they did it themselves, that's for sure. If this were my daughter this is what I would do:

1. Speak to the friend's mom & get her side of the story. Your daughter may have lied to the other mom & said that you were OK with that. I would then tell the mom that you would appreciate a call next time to make sure I am OK with anything in the future.

2. Take my daughter to a professional piercing spot & have them remove the nose piercing.

3. Since my daughter has a problem with my authority, I will have to assert myself to her. I would strip her room to the bare essentials: bed, sheets, blanket, clothes, & personal toiletries. No TV, no cell phone, no video games, no computer (strictly for homework). All she could do is read a book in her room. I would do this for at least 2 weeks, to show what it's like to not have ANY privileges & let her know who runs the show.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I agree with the others. There's a whole lot wrong with this whole situation. Your husband's words were over the top and not acceptable (to me), but his reaction is not wrong. If my daughter did something like that without my permission (which you should have given her a clear yes or no), she wouldn't be spending time with that friend for a long time, it would be removed ASAP, and there would be other consequences like loss of privileges.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
Just my $.02.
13 year old's rebel, it seems to be in the nature of teenagers. Its bad, but I think its important to make sure that they understand what sorts of actions have long term consequences for their lives, and which don't. 

At the low end are clothes, dyeing hair etc. Things that have no effect after a month or so.

At the high end are hard drug use, criminal activity, dropping out of school. Getting pregnant. These things can literally ruin the rest of their lives. These are the ones you need to stop at all costs.

Piercings and tattoos are in an intermediate state. They are long lasting, but can be fixed. They are not really that harmful- at least in my area a small nose piercing doesn't really affect anyone's job prospects. 

So I'd say the ideas to try to get across are the following:

She made a permanent modification to her body on what was probably a whim.

If she really did it herself, its very dangerous, could cause infection and major disfigurement.

She encouraged another girl to do the same.



That said, it is disobedient, but in no way "slvtty", and I agree with others that that term and concept should NEVER be applied to a 13 year old. (or anyone really).


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I agree that the biggest issue here is her undermining your authority. Second, your husband calling your daughter "slvtty". I really hope that's not how he talks to her. A nose piercing is not "slvtty". Many Indian women have their nose pierced for cultural and beauty reasons. So far as I know, noses aren't parts of the body that men tend to objectify. Then again, I'm not a man... but I'd be more worried about a girl wearing low cut shirts/skirts with thongs showing than a tiny nose stud.

I had my nose pierced when I was sixteen. I had it pierced for 2 years before taking it out because it kept getting infected and I was tired of dealing with it. The hole closed right up with very little scarring. It is impossible for anyone to tell it was ever pierced.

Again, I was sixteen, I'm not sure what the laws are where you are but that was the absolute youngest age you could do so without an adult's consent. It is hard to say if your daughter is telling the truth. I did know some kids back then who pierced their own lips and eyebrows or even did home-job tattoos with Indian ink.

On the other hand she could have lied both to you and the other girl's mother. Still, if the mother did take them it was irresponsible to take her too without first checking with you to make sure it was okay. As posts indicate, this is a controversial thing to do. I couldn't imagine taking someone else's kid in for a haircut nevermind a piercing or a tattoo without making sure it was okay with the parents first.

Also disagree with what people have said about this hurting her employability down the line. I went to school for and have worked/will work again in the legal sector. Law offices and court houses are very conservative environments. Suit and tie, very formal wear at my last firm. Still, two of the women there had their noses pierced and I have had many friends and colleagues with nose piercings. So much like ear piercings, it doesn't seem to be as big of an issue, at least where I live given that the studs are small. I've also had government office jobs, the same thing there. It's not like she's tattooed her entire face with a swastika.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> the issue isn't the piercing itself, the 2 main issues is that her husband is using slvt shaming tactics and her daughter is clearly lying and going behind her back


This is the problem. Re your husband, it sounds like you two have a very volatile, unhappy relationship. IF that's true, we have other issues to discuss. Men calling their daughters ****s is the quickest way to ensure they turn OUT to be like that. 

Re your daughter, it's common for things like this to happen. If you don't want to turn her into a lying sneak, I suggest you calmly sit her down, tell her you don't appreciate the way this was handled, and that you are giving her ONE chance - and one chance ONLY - to stay straight and narrow from now on. The next time she lies and sneaks she will have very severe consequences that she won't like. For now, she has a grounding from friends and electronics for two weeks.

This is not your hill to die on. When I was her age, a guy wearing ONE earring was considered blasphemous and a sure sign of a man going to Hell and dealing drugs. I would, however, draw the line on lip piercings; we've worked with people who know stuff - it's SO unhygienic because the lip never stops trying to heal itself so it's constantly dripping crud.


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## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

Yes, he's very mouthy, and I think a borderline (or even full blown) masogynist. The problems in the marriage AND with the daughter's behavior revolve around this issue. I'm asking about a problem that's a drop in the bucket compared to bigger issues that precede and trump this minor one.

I do worry about the nose piercing being the beginning, and extending to wanting tattoos, belly button piercing, lip piercing and who knows what else. I'm very conservative in this area, and don't like tattoos or extensive piercings. I only have my ears pierced, no tattoos. The mother of the girl that she did this with has tattoos and other piercings who knows where. I like the girl, but I debate on whether she should be around those influences.

I hadn't even thought of employability as related to this, but it's a good point, especially if this would be the beginning that leads to more of the same.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Op you are in a tough spot right now but you need to step up and be a parent.

Firstly tell your husband he needs to NEVER use that term about your daughter again. Did he say that directly to her? What an idiot if he did, those kinds of comments scar a kid for life.

Secondly you need to address your daughters circumventing your authority by having this done without your written consent, which may be illegal. She needs to disciplined.

Thirdly you need to find out the truth about the other mothers involvement. I always thought only a parent could sign permission for a minor, so did this mother lie and say both kids were hers or was she not involved at all? You need the answer to this because there could be more to this story....like your daughter hanging out with older kids or even a older boy. I think your daughter is laying down a trail of lies here, I seriously doubt they did each others nose's.

Tape your husbands mouth shut....contact that mother...discipline your daughter


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I feel sorry for your daughter. I would be much less worried about future piercings and tattoos than I would be her seeking the love, attention and acceptance from boys that she does not appear to get from her father.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

*Re: Re: 13 yr old got nose pierced*



DoF said:


> Sorry OP, this is completely unacceptable not only for a 13 year old CHILD but also for ANY adult.
> 
> Don't you know that visual piercings.....on nose....mouth.....ears (loops) etc pretty much limit you from GETTING A JOB THAT YOU WANT?
> 
> ...


It hasn't limited me. I have six visual piercings and eight tattoos. I've worked cashier jobs, digital designing jobs, home healthcare jobs, DJ entertainment jobs, office jobs, physical labor jobs.

No limitations in finding any type of job at all. I have a nose piercing, tongue and two sets in my ears. My piercings and tattoos do not reflect my work ethic or ability to work.

My biggest concern in OP situation is the piercer who broke the law. At 16 with written permission from the legal guardian/parent a piercer can pierce a minor. At 18 there is no legal written permission needed.

A professional piercer should have refused to. I doubt highly that it was done at home unless it was what we refer to as a scratcher in the piercing and tattoo circles (an amateur who does it in the home setting and has no qualms about legality or being certified or health inspections).


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