# Lonely



## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

Why after all the lies and cheating, do I still want to talk to my husband? The loneliness is awful. He has her and I have the memories of when it was good. Just isn’t fair!


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

The loneliness is awful, you’re right.
But think about it this way…. would you want to be with him? After all he did to you? They deserve each other, the lying cheating good for nothing adulterers. Let them burn.

I know it’s hard but you’re much better off right now. Try to get your mind used to that. You’ll get through this tough spot and eventually move on to something much much better. You better anyway!! I’m rooting for you and I never root for losers!


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## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> The loneliness is awful, you’re right.
> But think about it this way…. would you want to be with him? After all he did to you? They deserve each other, the lying cheating good for nothing adulterers. Let them burn.
> 
> I know it’s hard but you’re much better off right now. Try to get your mind used to that. You’ll get through this tough spot and eventually move on to something much much better. You better anyway!! I’m rooting for you and I never root for losers!


Thanks for your support. I keep telling myself that one day I’ll be happy and in a much better place. Hard to not overthink at the moment but I’m trying..


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

LGalloway said:


> Thanks for your support. I keep telling myself that one day I’ll be happy and in a much better place. Hard to not overthink at the moment but I’m trying..


Exactly right. You will be in a better place. Until then try to find some distractions when things get hard. There are other people here on TAM going through the same thing you are. Maybe comment on their threads if you want.

Main point is try not to let your mind take over with those hurtful games it plays. Find something else for it to do!


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

LGalloway said:


> Why after all the lies and cheating, do I still want to talk to my husband? The loneliness is awful. He has her and I have the memories of when it was good. Just isn’t fair!


I felt the same after mine left me for his coworker... I was couch surfing while he moved her into his new place and she got to enjoy all the things he and I had amassed after almost 10 years together. It was painful, hurtful, so I know exactly how you feel. Slowly but surely it will subside and you WILL be in a much better place after. The memories of my exH are becoming few and far between now. They aren't together anymore (imagine that). Painting (after drinking myself silly) helped me get the anger out that I had pent up inside. I'm now 2 years post-divorce.

Take it one day at a time, it's ok to feel, remember, cry, get upset, laugh (if you can). Just don't wallow in it.


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## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

Damn it sounds like you know exactly what I’m feeling. The nights are the worst, gives my mind time to think about my ex and the GF. I hate that I can’t get it out of my mind. One day I’m angry as hell about all the lies and pain and the next I’m crying because I miss him. How can I miss a POS? It’s all new right now.. second week into the separation. I know my family is sick of hearing about it but they don’t know the agony I feel. What kills me is the D bag acts like he’s the happiest he’s ever been. Makes me wonder if there was any love at all.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Good self talk will help. Remind yourself why he's a louse. Meanwhile take those first steps toward rebuilding a life. Reconnect with old friends. Join a club. Get more active. When you are busy again, the loneliness will dissipate somewhat


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

LGalloway said:


> Damn it sounds like you know exactly what I’m feeling. The nights are the worst, gives my mind time to think about my ex and the GF. I hate that I can’t get it out of my mind. One day I’m angry as hell about all the lies and pain and the next I’m crying because I miss him. How can I miss a POS? It’s all new right now.. second week into the separation. I know my family is sick of hearing about it but they don’t know the agony I feel. What kills me is the D bag acts like he’s the happiest he’s ever been. Makes me wonder if there was any love at all.


Feel free to vent all you want about it here to us... some people don't understand and that's why they get upset over hearing about it over and over.. I know all too well the pain.. I'd asked about something that I bought to my exH and he said that they threw everything away and bought brand new... That was hurtful to hear (turns out, he never did). I often wondered how another woman could do that, use the stuff she knows was once mine and not care about the pain inflicted. Then I realized, it was not her fault.. it was his for allowing her to come into the marriage (I suspected, but to this day he denies. He said they didnt get close until after we divorced - it was official Feb 2020, He filed Feb 2019 and she was in his new place by April of the same year.. No one moves in someone that quick unless something was going on beforehand). Long story short, she's now gone from his life, along with another I suspected as well. Today, as I sit here writing to you, I feel sadness for him. While he may have some new swanky digs, I live with my gf in her house... The freedom and love I have now is immeasurable compared to what I would've had with him had he never filed and left me homeless. We are finally cordial, and he's admitted to messing up and he knows I didn't deserve any of it. He dug his own hole. I also realize, that our foundation (I also told him this) was not strong enough to withstand what it went through. We were two people that should've waited longer to marry, or simply not married at all. I don't hold any hate toward him anymore, instead, I pray for him now.

You'll get there.. like you said, it's only been 2 weeks.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

LGalloway said:


> Why after all the lies and cheating, do I still want to talk to my husband? The loneliness is awful. He has her and I have the memories of when it was good. Just isn’t fair!


Why do you? I think when somebody takes off with your spouse, it installs a desperation that you are being punished for your inadequacies. It might be true so you have to sort that out.


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## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

Well that’s harsh! Maybe he should have been honest with me instead of being a coward and chose to take the easy way out. If anyone has any inadequacies, it’s him.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

LGalloway said:


> Well that’s harsh! Maybe he should have been honest with me instead of being a coward and chose to take the easy way out. If anyone has any inadequacies, it’s him.


It is harsh but true. For me anyway. Like, why did I get involved with somebody who would do that to me? Glad to hear that you see it from an alleviated position that doesn't allow you to get in the trap.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

LGalloway said:


> Well that’s harsh! Maybe he should have been honest with me instead of being a coward and chose to take the easy way out. If anyone has any inadequacies, it’s him.


There's all kinds of people on TAM, from all walks of life. I assure you, TAM has idiots too.

The beauty is though that you can simply ignore people who are not helpful to you. Toss them aside like yesterday's garbage.

You're doing great and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

***you can toss this aside like yesterday's garbage if it's not helpful


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## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> There's all kinds of people on TAM, from all walks of life. I assure you, TAM has idiots too.
> 
> The beauty is though that you can simply ignore people who are not helpful to you. Toss them aside like yesterday's garbage.
> 
> ...


Very much appreciated and helpful. Thank you


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## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

Works said:


> Feel free to vent all you want about it here to us... some people don't understand and that's why they get upset over hearing about it over and over.. I know all too well the pain.. I'd asked about something that I bought to my exH and he said that they threw everything away and bought brand new... That was hurtful to hear (turns out, he never did). I often wondered how another woman could do that, use the stuff she knows was once mine and not care about the pain inflicted. Then I realized, it was not her fault.. it was his for allowing her to come into the marriage (I suspected, but to this day he denies. He said they didnt get close until after we divorced - it was official Feb 2020, He filed Feb 2019 and she was in his new place by April of the same year.. No one moves in someone that quick unless something was going on beforehand). Long story short, she's now gone from his life, along with another I suspected as well. Today, as I sit here writing to you, I feel sadness for him. While he may have some new swanky digs, I live with my gf in her house... The freedom and love I have now is immeasurable compared to what I would've had with him had he never filed and left me homeless. We are finally cordial, and he's admitted to messing up and he knows I didn't deserve any of it. He dug his own hole. I also realize, that our foundation (I also told him this) was not strong enough to withstand what it went through. We were two people that should've waited longer to marry, or simply not married at all. I don't hold any hate toward him anymore, instead, I pray for him now.
> 
> You'll get there.. like you said, it's only been 2 weeks.
> [/QUOTE
> Hopefully in the end I’ll be a much stronger person. As for your story, that’s a lot to go through and it’s amazing that you can even speak to him. Your an inspiration for sure!


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## Supermom24 (10 mo ago)

LGalloway said:


> Why after all the lies and cheating, do I still want to talk to my husband? The loneliness is awful. He has her and I have the memories of when it was good. Just isn’t fair!


Oh hun I feel your pain. My husband told me he wanted a separation last week. Also finding out he was having an emotional fair from a girl out of country. The nights are the worst. I did digging and found an instagram post and she is in town. My brain just spins and the water works just keep coming. It’s hard when you love someone. It’s a fresh cut that needs time to heal. I find writing in a notebook at night helps. After much reading I find I’m going to work on myself. Not for him but for me. Through marriage, kids and work I lost me. I read about the Pies of attraction. P is physical/ appearance. I is intellectual. Find things that interest you… reading.. hobbies etc. E is emotional. Watch your emotions and accept it’s in the process. And S is spiritual. Working on your values your soul. I’ve been praying a lot. I’m not very religious, but I find there is a higher power to help direct me and maybe give me strength. On my to do list is finding a counselor. We can do this! We are Amazing. Stay strong!


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Take it from me and my experience. You don't miss him, you miss the memory of who you thought he was.


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## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

Numb26 said:


> Take it from me and my experience. You don't miss him, you miss the memory of who you thought he was.


I’m sure your right. I think at this point I want to hate him so maybe the pain will ease up.


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## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

Supermom24 said:


> Oh hun I feel your pain. My husband told me he wanted a separation last week. Also finding out he was having an emotional fair from a girl out of country. The nights are the worst. I did digging and found an instagram post and she is in town. My brain just spins and the water works just keep coming. It’s hard when you love someone. It’s a fresh cut that needs time to heal. I find writing in a notebook at night helps. After much reading I find I’m going to work on myself. Not for him but for me. Through marriage, kids and work I lost me. I read about the Pies of attraction. P is physical/ appearance. I is intellectual. Find things that interest you… reading.. hobbies etc. E is emotional. Watch your emotions and accept it’s in the process. And S is spiritual. Working on your values your soul. I’ve been praying a lot. I’m not very religious, but I find there is a higher power to help direct me and maybe give me strength. On my to do list is finding a counselor. We can do this! We are Amazing. Stay strong!


I’m trying to keep busy but those moments when your mind starts to wander…are tough. I know we are for sure better off without the cheaters in our lives..I also know it’s gonna take a lot of time to heal. Thanks for the advice. Hope things get better for you.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

LGalloway said:


> I’m sure your right. I think at this point I want to hate him so maybe the pain will ease up.


You don't want to aim for hate, you want to head towards indifference.


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## Supermom24 (10 mo ago)

LGalloway said:


> I’m trying to keep busy but those moments when your mind starts to wander…are tough. I know we are for sure better off without the cheaters in our lives..I also know it’s gonna take a lot of time to heal. Thanks for the advice. Hope things get better for you.


Uggg I know. The worst is at night and TRYING to fall asleep. During the day I keep busy. But I notice with each day less tears, unless I find out something new… lol. At night I’ve been just looking up random things to keep my mind busy. I’m trying to stay away from figuring him out. The only thing I can control is myself not him. If you need a friend I’m here .


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## CF03 (10 mo ago)

Supermom24 said:


> Uggg I know. The worst is at night and TRYING to fall asleep. During the day I keep busy. But I notice with each day less tears, unless I find out something new… lol. At night I’ve been just looking up random things to keep my mind busy. I’m trying to stay away from figuring him out. The only thing I can control is myself not him. If you need a friend I’m here .


It’s Saturday morning…..I’ve been up since 5am because I can’t sleep and I’m really feeling sad today. And I thought I was doing so well. Just goes to show you that this is indeed a roller coaster. I think it’s because I dreamt about him last night…..some randomness where my feelings got hurt further and woke up sad. Also woke up to a text from him that I missed about some of the divorce paperwork. I feel like writing him a card to tell him how sorry I am that he was unhappy and that I hope he finds happiness, but then I try to remind myself that he had been planning this for a long time and did some really manipulative and underhanded things to get things how he wanted them so he could leave (i.e. selling the house, moving proceeds). All I can say is that this sucks. Today. But tomorrow Is another day.


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## LGalloway (10 mo ago)

CF03 said:


> It’s Saturday morning…..I’ve been up since 5am because I can’t sleep and I’m really feeling sad today. And I thought I was doing so well. Just goes to show you that this is indeed a roller coaster. I think it’s because I dreamt about him last night…..some randomness where my feelings got hurt further and woke up sad. Also woke up to a text from him that I missed about some of the divorce paperwork. I feel like writing him a card to tell him how sorry I am that he was unhappy and that I hope he finds happiness, but then I try to remind myself that he had been planning this for a long time and did some really manipulative and underhanded things to get things how he wanted them so he could leave (i.e. selling the house, moving proceeds). All I can say is that this sucks. Today. But tomorrow Is another day.


I can totally relate! That constant pain is always there. I take sleeping pills now and I still have trouble staying asleep. I keep going over the fact that he betrayed me for so long and after so many years. He had so many chances to tell me he was unhappy but he kept up the lies just so he could hurt me more. I hate that I still love him! I hate that I trusted him! I feel like I never got closure. In the end he never was man enough to tell me the truth and that kills me. I wonder now if he ever loved me in the 18 years we were married. Just like you, I want to email or text him and tell him how much pain and hurt he caused me, then I remind myself that he doesn’t care any more and he hasn’t in a long time. I know he would delete the email or text and not even bother reading it. I also know I’d wait around and wonder if he’d ever answer back.. So I don’t do it. We both have to be strong and remind ourselves that we deserve better and our exes are lying POS. Girl you can do this and so can I! 🙂❤


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

@LGalloway @CF03
I think you’re both saying something that could be useful.
Go ahead and write the letter, card, email, text. Pour your heart out into it. Cry over it. Pray over it. Meditate… whatever you need to do. Make it a long 10-pager if you want.

Then burn it (Not in anger or anything) Do not send. Delete. Get rid of it.
You know you can’t actually send it.

I’ve done similar things and…as long as you’re strong enough to not press ‘send’ then it can be cathartic to just get those thoughts and feelings out. I don’t know how it works, but there seems to be something about translating your emotions into words that can be healing. Idk.

But don’t do it if you’re not strong enough to pull back.
That could make things worse for you, as you both already know.

Hope that is useful to you on your journeys.


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## Supermom24 (10 mo ago)

CF03 said:


> It’s Saturday morning…..I’ve been up since 5am because I can’t sleep and I’m really feeling sad today. And I thought I was doing so well. Just goes to show you that this is indeed a roller coaster. I think it’s because I dreamt about him last night…..some randomness where my feelings got hurt further and woke up sad. Also woke up to a text from him that I missed about some of the divorce paperwork. I feel like writing him a card to tell him how sorry I am that he was unhappy and that I hope he finds happiness, but then I try to remind myself that he had been planning this for a long time and did some really manipulative and underhanded things to get things how he wanted them so he could leave (i.e. selling the house, moving proceeds). All I can say is that this sucks. Today. But tomorrow Is another day.


You can do this! She believed she could and did! Work on you! Do things you haven’t done in a while. Go take a hot bubble bath. Get a makeover. Get a massage! When he sees how truly happy you are without him it will make him think. What does not kill your makes you stronger. It blows my mind when your heart is heartbroken you can literally feel pain. I keep telling myself I am amazing and he is the one that will miss out! Stay strong and your seperation tribe has your back… lol.


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