# asked husband to move out



## sasha17 (Sep 8, 2010)

Hello all,

This is my first post and I wonder if anyone can share some insight into my situation. My husband and I are both in our 30's and have been married 2.5 years after dating for 2 years. My husband has been unemployed for 1.5 years. Our marriage has been a largely unhappy one due to missteps on both our parts. My husband has at various times not allowed me to speak during a disagreement (talked over me despite me asking him not to); cursed at me and whilst speaking to me (despite my asking him not to); ignored me if he was upset with me and I directed a question towards him; hacked into my emails; recorded me on the phone without my knowledge; looked up IP addresses I have visited then conjectured in arguments why I visited those websites; told me that he 'knew' what I was thinking despite my claim to the contrary (most times true); called me fat (I'm 5'7", 144 lbs); made me feel guilty for taking 3-4 hours/month to do something for myself (I work 60-100 hrs/week in the medical field); and has accused me of witholding physical intimacy among other things. 

I, on the other hand, have withdrawn emotionally during arguments; have withheld physical intimacy (not out of spite/revenge but because I have not desired him); have been rude to him on occasion; have been thoughtless on occasion; have done things which were destructive to the marriage (looking at porn online 3-4x/month but never physically cheated or had an emotional affair with another man); and sometimes I have done things that made him feel as though he is unimportant or not a priority in my life. 
I finally had enough today when he compared me to "prostitutes who run around like they have nothing better to do mall-hopping" after a recent 2 hour trip to the mall. I told him if he could not speak to me respectfully then we could not have a conversation. When he continued to be disrespectful I ignored him and continued to do work on my laptop. He kicked it and broke the screen of my $3000 laptop which was given as a gift during my career training ( he has in the past smashed my phone against the wall and broken it). I told him to leave because I did not want to be next. 

Knowing that we have both made mistakes I was willing to work things out but it seems that my husband always has to be right and most of the time has difficulty seeing any side that is not his. I cannot go through life being the one to take the blame or having to make up 95% of the time. After his leaving today, we met in public where he apologized for 2 minutes then spent the next 20 telling me how I promised to change and it was just words and stated that my lack of true committment to change and to him was the reason why we were failing. I don't believe he can see his failings as clearly.

We have seen 3 counselors. I stopped going to the last one after she said she wanted us to attend a series on 'Forgiveness' and my husband did not show up. He later told me that I was the one that needed to learn how to forgive, not him. Is there any hope or should I just continue with the separation and likely divorce?


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## Mom (Jun 9, 2010)

I'd run. If I were you, and there were no kids involved, I'd run fast and I'd run far.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

You are correct that IC or MC is where you need to figure it out.

He sounds a lot like me before MC. My story is in my profile. I was in MC 8 months and separated for 2.

I would start to separate from him, or really make it clear that he has to change (along with you) or your relationship will die soon. Continue with the separation and figure it out while doing that. You can still date and work on the relationship that way.

Do the 180. Stick to it. 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/self-help-marriage-relationship-programs/18671-180.html
He needs to change. Start leaving and hope that he does.

There is hope.


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## Wifenotamom (Mar 10, 2011)

Im not good with advise cause Im here for the same reason, I must say though, I swear your married to my husband. lol. Not trying to be funny, but just to let you know you are NOT ALONE. It's agonizing, I know. And if your anything like me , you feel any decision you make may not be the right one.

The only thing that has helped me a little is I have completely stopped catering to him. I dont do his laundry, run his errands or cook his meals. Took a bit, but hes changed a little. NOT enough by far, but at least I dont have that "feel like im giving and getting nothing in return feeling".

I have recently started praying, readind the bible...stuff like that. That has also helped me alot.


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## Confused-Wife (Jan 26, 2011)

Reading your story just reminds me how amazing it is that people can put up with so much. 

I could sit here and say, "I wouldn't put up with that crap," but to be honest, I really can't tell you how I'd react in that situation. It's really touchy, because there is obvious violence involved. If he breaks expensive things, perhaps he might not practice restraint from injuring you at some point. Just keep that in mind. At some point, you have to ask yourself, why am I even in this relationship? What is this relationship bringing to my life? Is this relationship making me a better person? Then evaluate your answers. 

Is he going to buy you a new laptop?


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