# Please Please Help re: child support dilemma



## starbrite (Aug 14, 2011)

Would appreciate ANY advice...both male and fema

As we all know...financial struggles are on the rise. Without writing a book, basically, about 90% of our bills are paid with my paychecks. Some say it should be combined...but hang in there with me. When my husband and I first go together, he told me he did not have much to contribute to bills, due to the amount he pays in child support. I love him, so of course, I tell him "that's okay." Long story short, a few months after we are settled, his 17 year old son moves in with us. Okay, perfectly fine...it's his son. Two years later...(now 19 1/2) he still lives with us. Don't get me wrong, but he has gone 9 months with no job, after dropping our of high school, and comes home to eat, shower and continues to just "party." He has recently (finally) started working at a grocery store. The point I'm trying to make is back to the financial issue. With the increase in the cost of living (groceries, utilities, etc), this leaves my paychecks even shorter. I've mentioned (very passively) one or both of us may need to get a 2nd job...just to try to help with bills. Nothing has happened since it was mentioned many months ago. I just don't think that it's fair that my checks are completely spent on the house, groceries, utilities, etc. simply because a big portion of his paychecks go to his child support. I would NEVER leave the burden of living expenses to someone else, especially if I had a 19 year old son that did absolutely nothing...and just be "okay" with it. I'm really building resentment. Am I wrong to feel this way?? His response is "Well, you make more money than I do. That's why more is paid with your paycheck." I get that. But, shouldn't he at least TRY to contribute more?? Please...I really need an unbiased opinion.  Thanks so much!!


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Does he have more than one kid paying child support?

A few things need to happen:

1. Older son needs to contribute financially or move out.
2. Your husband needs to help more by either getting a second job or get a better paying one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Kick the son out. He is grown but acting like a child. He shouldn't be enabled to be like that.

Who does your husband pay support for? The son? He's 19.5! My dad paid until my 18th birthday.

And yes, your husband should contribute more. He's mooching too.


----------



## starbrite (Aug 14, 2011)

Thanks for your opinions...it really helps to see that others also think my husband should contribute more. I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees this. I appreciate your replies...so much. Thanks!!


----------



## lonelyman (Jun 28, 2011)

the question you should ask yourself is....would you be asking or needing your husband to help out more financially if the son was not living there???

if the answer to that question is no....then it is the son who is causing the financial problems and therefore the son is the one who should be solving them....i think it is the son who should be helping out and not your husband....

now is the time for your husband to teach his son that living under a roof, and food are not free....he is old enough to be taught that lesson....the earlier the better, or you are going to end up with a 30 year old man-child living in your basement playing video games all day long....

when i was raised and lived with my parents the rule was i either went to school full time or i payed rent and that was that....if he is not in school he should be paying rent at that age in my opinion....or at the very least be buying his own food....


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It's called being a sugar mamma. Your H should have got a second job and got his ducks lined up financially before getting married. Instead, for whatever reason, he got you involved and attached emotionally and put you in a position of not wanting to 'help him' which would have been translated as 'you don't love me after all because I have no money you won't marry me'. I would have had no problem at all saying let's live separately until you can get married and contribute. It's not too late to do that, you could move out and file for divorce, and when he's ready to be mature about his own responsibilities and is cool about supporting his deadweight kid (that he allowed to become that way, by EXAMPLE), then you can get remarried. See if he really loves you when you are not contributing. My cynical guess is that he's not paying support any more and is using his own money for himself on the side. A real man would have asked his kid to get a job and contribute, and also get a second/third job himself, not mooch.

PS I would never ask a man to do something I wouldn't do myself. Being financially dependent without a history of trust and 100% effort or an up-front agreement when there is child-raising or homemaking...does not make for good self-esteem for the dependent party, child or adult. And it is patently unfair to the one who has made sacrifices to earn wages or who holds the assets coming into a marriage.


----------



## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

Why is he still paying support? If the child was living with you, he shouldn't have been paying. Also, and it's been a while since I knew anything about this, why is he paying in general? I believe that Kansas (where I am) state law states that a parent is only responsable for support until the child is 18 unless that child goes to college and hen it's "bumped" up to 21 or 22. I'd check you local law to see what the deal is there.


----------



## wild_irish_rose (Aug 6, 2011)

I hope he is not paying child support to the 19 year old's mother at the same time that he is paying money for the 19 year old to live with you! Are there other children from the previous marriage that he is still paying support for? If there are, there's really not much you can do about it. He has a legal and moral obligation to support minor children that are biologically his. However the child support should be adjusted if it hasn't been yet, to show that the 19 year old is now legally emancipated.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Something is fishy. Child support ends at 18, and is not paid for the time a child lives with you. Did your h also owe spousal support to his ex? That is different and you would need to know the terms of the marriage settlement agreement (MSA) to know how much he owed for spousal support and for how long.

H has been irresponsible in allowing you to bear all this burden when legally he had options. that's the best case scenario. The worst case? He's been lying about what he paid in child support. 

You may need to be confrontational about this, because it does not make sense. You have a right to ask to see his MSA and determine if he's been irresponsible or truly untrustworthy. Good luck.


----------



## lonelyman (Jun 28, 2011)

the way i understood or took the story....i think the child support is for a different child....not the one living with them....but i guess i could be wrong....


----------

