# My husband has chosen alcohol over our marriage



## hurtfeelings (Apr 7, 2012)

Hi, I am currently going through a divorce and I do not want one. My husband is an alcoholic; he would stay out all night, say he is coming home and not be home for a few more hours later. Drinks and drives everywhere with a beer between his legs and has driving drunk with our three year old child. He has passed out while watching our child and so many other things that are horrible. I would yell at him tell him to grow up. He would say your right and be good for a couple weeks and back to the same thing. Recently I he picked an argument with me and left the day after our anniversary. He has told me that he cares for me but does not love me. I don’t trust him to be sober with our child and am only allowing supervised visits. While we were together, I begged him to go to counseling with me to fix our marriage. I am a high school mom so my children are 21 and 19, when I met my husband he did not have any children and wanted one, so I started all over and now I also have a 3 yr. old. If I thought we would be getting a divorce I would have never started over again. I already did the whole single parent deal. I do not want to do it again. I love my husband with all my heart and am so heartbroken that he is choosing alcohol over me and our son. I know it just boils down to the fact he doesn’t want to be accountable for his actions that affect not just our family but everyone he passes on the road. I want my husband back, but fear he is gone for good. Why???? How could he be so selfish???


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I think before he can even remotely try to address your marriage issues he needs to admit that he has a drinking problem and get help for it; only then will he be able to work on your marriage. It sounds to me like he may need a wake up call...you taking your child and leaving. Not only is your baby being put in danger while around him, but he's learning unacceptable behavior. Not too many people want to be single parents, but I think there comes a time when you have to make a healthy choice for you and your child.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He drives with your 3 year old while drinking?

Why do you leave your child alone with this man!?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You are making the right choice, painful but right.

He will not come to his sences until he desides to come to his senses and gets into 12 step program.

Its alot easier to enable him but it won't help him, so stop enabling him and start the divorce. If you really love this guy you will divorce him ASAP. the quicker he faces the consequences the sooner he may make the healtier choice to quit. 

Thats not a for sure thing b/c he most likely has a handfull of enablers but for now please help him by divorcing him.

This may be the 1st of many consequences that may lead to sobrity. 

Maybe if others see you stop enabling him they will follow...we can only pray.


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## HampsteadGuy (May 29, 2012)

Came here quite by accident. I am a man who has been married to the same woman for 26 years. As an only child I grew up in an alcoholic household - much stress, much therapy in later life. I find myself now with a wife who over the last 10 years has developed a drinking problem. I have spent the last 4 years trying to get her to go to some type of program - AA, rehab, etc. I have now come to the end of my rope. The anxiety is too much - it dredges up memories from child hood that I had thought that I had dealt with. I am a successful businessman, confident, etc. in my public life, but I am reduced to that same small child when my wife comes home from a bender. I am literally paralyzed in bed (just like i was as a child) when she comes into the bedroom. I know I need to leave. My question is - does it matter or should i present her with the choice of the booze or me? Or should I just go? On a side note there has also been intense verbal abuse (some bordering on physical) for the last 5 years - accelerating with the drinking. for someone who usually knows how to fix things (so the child of the alcoholic) i am at a loss. I have been in therapy for the last 2 years (which has been beneficial) I quess maybe what i want to know is do things get better?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Hampstead, you know they won't get better. She has to deal with her drinking problem if she wants to keep you. Period.

Also, *hugs*


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## HampsteadGuy (May 29, 2012)

I know you are right. No matter what I want her to get better. my question is giving an ultimatum even useful or should i just go and let her figure it out on her own?


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