# Ex Wife Appreciation Thread



## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

There were a couple comments in the "thoughts and feelings from the LD partner?" that sparked a thought and a bit of thankfulness on my part In particular there was some discussion about women's dissatisfaction with their partners and how they handle it:

Link to post.



StarFires said:


> Oftentimes, people, mostly women, are afraid to speak the truth for fear of hurting their partner's feelings. Can you imagine telling someone they are no good in bed or you don't like having sex with them? Most women cannot form their lips to speak words like that. A lot of women have had the experience of their partner asking "Was it good for you? That's a clueless question from a clueless and inconsiderate lover, but the women invariably answer "Yes." Why? Because it's easier and doesn't hurt anybody's feelings. So, there ends up being the multitude of men who say "I thought she didn't like sex but found out she just didn't like sex with me" after his lover found a new lover. It's still rather clueless because he still doesn't know why she didn't like sex with him. Or the women who say "I thought I didn't like sex but found out I just didn't like sex with him" after they discovered with another lover how good and satisfying sex could be.
> 
> It may be just as often that they don't know what the truth is or how to talk to about it. A lot of women don't know what the problem is. They only know they don't like it or that something is missing since many women don't know what feels good to them until they experience something that feels good. Then they know but until then, there was nothing to talk about and no solutions to suggest since they don't know what the solutions are. How can a woman who never experienced an orgasm be able to tell her partner how to make her orgasm? How can a woman who never experienced good and satisfying sex tell her partner how to make sex good and satisfying?
> 
> ...


My ex and I were virgins when we met. She was much more of a tabula rasa than I was since I think she might have had one person in her friend group that had had sex and she didn't really discuss it with her family or friends. At no point would it have occurred to her that she shouldn't tell me that I was doing something wrong or there was something that could be improved. Early on in our relationship she would at times refer to my ears as "love handles" since they were so convenient to guide me. Some of the guidance wasn't terribly helpful like, "whatever you just did, do that again (or don't do that again)" but I never sensed any reluctance to give it. We had to define and differentiate terms like "harder" or "faster". There was some trial and error as I learned her moods and preferences. For instance how she liked to be approached and treated during ovulation (forceful and rough) was totally different than a week or two later (more foreplay, gentle, or not at all). She was a consistent teacher if not always patient.

Some other helpful hints I've picked up along the way: I haven't lived with her for a couple years now but I still have the habit of running my thumb along the tips of my fingers in search of hangnails or rough edges that would be uncomfortable when touching sensitive parts whenever I'm not busy. When I go on a date I'll know not to have stubble because it can chafe or irritate.

Why would you not give constructive advice? Unless it isn't followed or received well, I guess? Especially once you're married and at least notionally stuck with this person why would you not give and receive all the suggestions you can come up with?

There is some assumptions built in to some of the comments that suggest that people are just good or bad at sex. This seems a bit silly since the first time anyone does it, generally the best you could hope for was "not bad". And by that I don't mean "good", I mean exactly that, an experience worth repeating but only just. To improve at it you would generally need practice and feedback (and probably independent study). The only people that would be categorically bad at sex would be those unwilling to learn and improve. The willing would need feedback though which I am thankful that I got a lot of because I was in a relationship with someone without StarFires's evident reservations.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Hiner112 said:


> Why would you not give constructive advice? Unless it isn't followed or received well, I guess? Especially once you're married and at least notionally stuck with this person why would you not give and receive all the suggestions you can come up with?


Whatever personality trait or socialization that leads someone to be unable to do this needs to be fixed. How can anyone as a partner improve on any aspect of themselves without feedback from their mate? Whatever conflict you think you are avoiding through this practice is probably causing you both a thousandfold increase in unspoken trouble.

Women, if you think society is programming you to be this way, then figure out how to deprogram yourself.


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