# Feelig ****ty about physical attraction to a total stranger



## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

I went to a football game with my wife and could not help but notice the amazing breasts on a woman two rows in front of my wife and I. My wife noticed them as well. She says put your eyes back inside your head please. When she stood up she also pointed out the rest of her assets. 

When I went to sleep I had a dream about her clothes coming off and how much I was struggling wanting to look compared to not wanting to hurt my wife. I was looking. Choice made that I am not proud of.

My attraction to her physical assets was obvious. I felt guilty for my powerful attraction and for my wife being hurt for knowing about it. 

I quickly recalled plenty of times when my wife noted an attractive man. There are others available that my wife and I could fancy stings when the shoe is on the other foot. 

I am still sorting out. I feel ****ty that I hurt my wife while I am also overly excited about the images still in my mind that I am playing over and over despite it being two days ago. 

With a reaction like that, I can't help but consider the lack of self-control I might have if she propositioned me in a situation where my wife was not likely to know or find out. I ask myself if my integrity and loyalty or lack of it would hold out against it.

Clearly I know how I would feel if my wife was even THINKING like I am about the excitement of this other woman. I don't know anything about this woman but that didn't phase the power of the attraction at all. 

I'm a train wreck about it. I can't help but consider what is missing in my marriage. Perhaps it's me and as a result my wife's interest in me.

I am unsatisfied in my marriage because it is stale to say the least. When I put effort into it mostly by being funny and flirtatious it seems to get better but it can be exhausting because I have often have to force it and the investment tends not to payoff as much as I wish it would. 

When things were better between my wife and I, no one caught my eye. Now that things are less than satisfying, it happens a lot as if I am dreaming of a better life with someone else in a pathetic greener grass fairy tale. 

I think I am going to talk to my wife about rekindling our flames if its even possible.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It's normal to occasionally notice someone and have a powerful attraction. It will fade if you let it. You didn't act on it, so no harm done. And you can't control another's thoughts and fantasies, nor they yours - having them is normal, and guilt over it serves no purpose. Just let it go over time and all will be okay.

It's more likely to have these thoughts if you're having problems, as you report. It's time to address those problems somehow, and if that doesn't work, either live with the status quo or end the marriage so you can both seek happiness with someone else.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

You noticed someone who looked good and had a dream about it. No harm no foul.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just tell yourself they're fake, or she's wearing pads, or imagine her at the loo, or that she/he actually has a penis.

Normally works for me.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

I am human. I notice beautiful women.

I don't leer stare drool or act on my attraction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Would it be improper to masturbate because of this? Personally I don't think so as long as you kept it to yourself. Sometimes shaking hands with the unemployed is about all you have got when physical has become almost non existent.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

YupItsMe said:


> I went to a football game with my wife and could not help but notice the amazing breasts on a woman two rows in front of my wife and I. My wife noticed them as well. She says put your eyes back inside your head please. When she stood up she also pointed out the rest of her assets.
> 
> When I went to sleep I had a dream about her clothes coming off and how much I was struggling wanting to look compared to not wanting to hurt my wife. I was looking. Choice made that I am not proud of.
> 
> ...


Welcome to the male population.

If this is the first time your dealing with this, good job.

There's a huge leap fom being attracted to someone and not being able to turn them down. If you can't turn them down its more about you than them. I have been super attracted to others and then given opportunity....no way. It's all in your own self esteem/ego. Let it go and enjoy being human. The grass is NOT greener no matter how they look.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I think that it is normal to notice the attractive people around us and sometimes people (men and women) fantasized about these strangers but as long as they not act on these fantasies then I do not think they have done anything wrong.

One word of advice though, try not to have fantasies about people you actually know (co-workers, neighbors, family friends) just stick to celebrities or random strangers.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I think it is very normal to notice and appreciate other people. We all have eyes and are human. Just don't act on it. Be true to yourself and your partner.

Sometimes noticing someone else's great body makes you take note of your own body in comparison....and suddenly you want to improve yourself and start exercising again. That can be a very good thing! 

Improve yourself, and rekindle the flames with your wife.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

It kind of makes you realize that being married doesn't mean you're blind. As Details pointed it, the result can be that we stop taking our own level of physical appeal for granted. Being comfortably married doesn't mean that you stop putting effort into your appearance. This is true for both men and women.

You can makes this a very good thing in your marriage be renewing effort into appearance.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

You're human. If you would have seen her and said, ewe, yuck, cooties, can't stand to look at her. Well, then you've got other problems.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Fantasies are a part of life, just make sure it stays a fantasy and you'll be fine.


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

Think about it, there is probably some guy out there that hates her sh*t. 

Walking through a upscale mall with your girl is one of the toughest things to do. Every single boy and his father is staring at my girl while I am staring at every single mother and daughter. My girl compares other girl's butts to hers and has me look, etc etc. At the end of the night, it's her and I. Life would suck if you couldn't look.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Horizon said:


> Would it be improper to masturbate because of this? Personally I don't think so as long as you kept it to yourself. Sometimes shaking hands with the unemployed is about all you have got when physical has become almost non existent.


Dude......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

wise said:


> Think about it, there is probably some guy out there that hates her sh*t.
> 
> Walking through a upscale mall with your girl is one of the toughest things to do. *Every single boy and his father is staring at my girl* while I am staring at every single mother and daughter. My girl compares other girl's butts to hers and has me look, etc etc. At the end of the night, it's her and I. Life would suck if you couldn't look.


That is the hope atleast.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

In one of his comedy skits Chris Rock says, "A man is only as faithful as his options". 

I'm sure pretty much all of us guys have at one time or another wondered how we would respond if that knockout we spotted at the mall actually propositioned us. Luckily it's fairly rare for a gorgeous woman to spontaneously proposition us.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

A tiger feels no guilt about noticing meat. You are functioning exactly as you were designed. My dogs notice squirrels. Sharks notice seals. You didn't ask for a sex drive. You didn't ask this young lady to display her apparently impressive breasts. You didn't go to some sleazy bar and pay to look at hooties. You didn't surf the net looking for them. You were with who you were supposed to be with, doing what you were supposed to be doing. Enormous hooties just happened to be there, too. Any man who says he wouldn't have noticed is gay, blind, or lying.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Noticing is one thing. But you were obvious enough that your wife told you to put your eyes back in your head. So, perhaps what needs work is your discretion, rather than your perfectly natural reaction to an attractive woman. Don't be obvious. Don't leer. Try not to get caught ogling other women by your wife. But what you do in the privacy of your own mind is entirely your business.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

YupItsMe said:


> I am unsatisfied in my marriage because it is stale to say the least. *When I put effort into it mostly by being funny and flirtatious it seems to get better but it can be exhausting because I have often have to force it and the investment tends not to payoff as much as I wish it would. *


You're putting a lot of effort into thinking about this other woman and you're getting no payoff. Why is it so much harder to put effort into your relationship with your wife?

Also, putting effort into it once or twice and expecting a big payoff is setting yourself up to be disappointed. To improve a relationship, you have to consistently put in effort before you can expect to see real results and real change.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

If you have this much anxiety over it, something tells me you wouldn't act if she propositioned you.

I've been in that spot before and i couldnt do it even though i really thought I would if given the opportunity.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Noticing an attractive member of the opposite sex is normal for both genders. Even a brief mental fantasy is normal, too, and yours just simply came out in the form of a dream. 

It doesn't sound as though you're thinking of cheating on your W, but it does sound as though you might want to spice things up between you. I would do this by planning romantic / sexy date nights, and making a point of flirting with my SO on a daily basis.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

norajane said:


> *You're putting a lot of effort into thinking about this other woman and you're getting no payoff. *Why is it so much harder to put effort into your relationship with your wife?
> 
> Also, putting effort into it once or twice and expecting a big payoff is setting yourself up to be disappointed. To improve a relationship, you have to consistently put in effort before you can expect to see real results and real change.


:iagree:
Grass is always greener...oops sorry.

The grass _always appears_ greener on the other side.

But if you water , fertilize and cultivate _your own_ lawn , the grass would always be its greenest.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> The grass _always appears_ greener on the other side.


I think it's often just a trick of the light. If you actually crossed the fence you'd find out in fact it was no greener.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I think it's often just a trick of the light. If you actually crossed the fence you'd find out in fact it was no greener.


Or that nasty, fake grass even...


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