# After divorce, what did you do with your engagement and wedding rings?



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Hi,

I'm not sure where to post this thread....Mods please move if it's in the wrong forum. 

A while ago I asked my husband if he wanted his wedding ring back, he said no and to do with it what I wanted. I still have his and my wedding and engagement rings. He recently asked by text message for me to return my rings to him??? I have already decided to give them to my daughter and I didn't expect to have to return them. I have decided to ignore the request as I don't know what he intends to do with them...maybe sell them? give them to his girlfriend? I really don't know?

My question is, what did you do with your rings after your relationship ended? I find it too painful to even look at mine anymore, they are just sitting in my jewellery box until I think it is the right time to give my set to my daughter anyway.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Threeblessings said:


> Hi,
> 
> I'm not sure where to post this thread....Mods please move if it's in the wrong forum.
> 
> ...


I don't know if you are only looking for women's response or not so disregard if you don't want mine. This statement, give to your daughter, was my exact fear of what my X wife would do..to pass them on. I had it written in the judge decree that both sets of rings were to be sold and the money from that would be split amongst our daughters. And that's exactly what happend.


----------



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> I don't know if you are only looking for women's response or not so disregard if you don't want mine. This statement, give to your daughter, was my exact fear of what my X wife would do..to pass them on. I had it written in the judge decree that both sets of rings were to be sold and the money from that would be split amongst our daughters. And that's exactly what happend.


A response from either gender is helpful, thank you for sharing.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I can't see what is wrong with giving them to your daughter, that is exactly what I will be doing with mine along with all my other jewellery. What my ex does with his is of no interest to me.

They are your rings, not his so why should he control what you do with them? Was he generally a controlling person?

Currently mine are in the family safe and TBH I miss wearing my engagement ring way more than I miss my ex. It is a stunning, one off made for me, a really beautiful piece of jewellery.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

On one of the many, many occasions when my ex chose to frig around with his contribution to our son's child support, I was forced to sell my engagement ring to pay the rent and buy food. Over the years, a lot of my beautiful furniture went the same way.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Mine is my Dad's diamond band that he was given later in life after 56 years of marriage to Mom! My RSXW wore my Mom's who had 6 large set diamonds, each representing the boys that she gave birth to! 

Upon D, she gave me both her engagement and wedding rings back. And I immediately placed them in my safe deposit box. Mine? I still wear it, not to pine for the blatant, deceptive cheater that she is, but rather to commemorate Mom and Dad's faithful married life together!

When Mrs. Arbitrator No. 3 comes along, then I'd greatly prefer to wear a brand new band, and then place mine(my Dad's) in the safe deposit box along with Mom's so they can hopefully be used by one of my sons when the time comes for one of them to pledge their nuptials! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Legally your rings belong to you. They are not 'his' rings.

If you sell them, you will most likely get only a fraction of their retail value. For that reason I think saving them for your children is a good idea. They will mean something to your children.

An alternative is to have something like a pendent made out of any stones. It would cost some to do that.

And as one poster said, you might need them one day to sell/hock for a some cash to get buy. That's not an unusual fate for the rings.


----------



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Holland said:


> I can't see what is wrong with giving them to your daughter, that is exactly what I will be doing with mine along with all my other jewellery. What my ex does with his is of no interest to me.
> 
> They are your rings, not his so why should he control what you do with them? Was he generally a controlling person?
> 
> Currently mine are in the family safe and TBH I miss wearing my engagement ring way more than I miss my ex. It is a stunning, one off made for me, a really beautiful piece of jewellery.


You're right, he shouldn't control what I do with them. During our entire relationship he was controlling most of the time. Another quality I didn't like about him.


----------



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Cosmos said:


> On one of the many, many occasions when my ex chose to frig around with his contribution to our son's child support, I was forced to sell my engagement ring to pay the rent and buy food. Over the years, a lot of my beautiful furniture went the same way.


Sorry about this.....hope you're doing much better.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Threeblessings said:


> Sorry about this.....hope you're doing much better.


Thank you. This was a lifetime ago, now, and things are very different :smile2:


----------



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *Mine is my Dad's diamond band that he was given later in life after 56 years of marriage to Mom! My RSXW wore my Mom's who had 6 large set diamonds, each representing the boys that she gave birth to!
> 
> Upon D, she gave me both her engagement and wedding rings back. And I immediately placed them in my safe deposit box. Mine? I still wear it, not to pine for the blatant, deceptive cheater that she is, but rather to commemorate Mom and Dad's faithful married life together!
> 
> ...


What is RSXW? I really enjoyed the story behind your rings. If I ever remarry someday I wouldn't want to wear the same rings again. I can't even look at them, the pain is just too great.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

They were originally a gift (yours). 
If he gave you his as well and didn't want anything to do with them, they are a gift, too. 

You offered to give them back, he said no. 

So they're yours to do with as you wish. 

Once I knew my ex and I were through, I immediately gave him back my ring. He didn't want it, didn't want his either. I put them both in my original ring box, and am not sure what became of them. I just left them when I moved out. 

I love to think they were melted down, and added in small quantities to brass to fashion "gold" chains for 1,000 chavs.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I was debating what I was going to do with the rings when my ex stole and sold them. I believe I've mentioned on these forums how very happy I am I divorced that "man". So ridiculously happy.

I wouldn't want wedding rings from a failed marriage, especially if it was my parents failed marriage. I wouldn't want to wear the rings as intended because I'd almost feel like I'd be bringing my parents bad relationship vibes into my own marriage. Not to mention that every time I looked at those rings, I'd have to remember how my parents promised forever and it ended in heartbreak and divorce.

If the rings were a heirloom set passed through generations, I'd leave them in the jewelry box and pass them on. If the rings were purchased and not passed down, I'd take them to have the stones removed, the metal melted down, and have them made into a pendant or pendant and earrings set. Maybe a bracelet instead. Or a non-engagement ring set. So many possibilities!

You mentioned having a daughter to pass the rings on to. Do you have any other children from the marriage? The nice thing about having rings turned into other jewelry is that you can have them turned into multiple pieces. One for each child.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Threeblessings said:


> * What is RSXW?* I really enjoyed the story behind your rings. If I ever remarry someday I wouldn't want to wear the same rings again. I can't even look at them, the pain is just too great.


*@Threeblessings: One of my very dear friends and confidantes here at TAM, @GusPolinski, became rather tired and tedious of seeing an absolute plethora of my earlier posts that specifically referred to my most recent ex-wife as none other than "my rich, skanky ex-wife!" 

So he went over to a website called "Urban Dictionary" and officially had my phrase of choice officially changed and copyrighted to an acronym that would save me time whenever I chose to bring that sad and sordid subject matter up; accordingly it is "RSXW" and if you go to that site, even until this very day, you'll see it proudly posted up there for all to see!

He furthermore threatened to whip my tired old derrière if I kept spelling it out (guess he just got tired of re-reading it all of the time), so in deference to his request, as well as for all of my beloved readership here at TAM, I duly honored the request!

That's what friends are all about and I am honored to have just recently classified you as such by honoring your friendship request! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I don't understand why anyone would want to give their children the symbols of a marriage that was terminated whether good or bad. They are still symbols of a broken dream. My ex kept her engagement and wedding rings. I could not care any less what she does with them. I have my wedding ring. It is a very simple gold band. I have no intentions of ever wearing it again. It sits in a drawer attached to my divorce papers. I've thought about selling it or melting down and forging it into something else. But I generally don't wear any jewelry so I can't imagine what that would be. But the last thing I want to do is give it to one of my kids.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Ynot said:


> *I don't understand why anyone would want to give their children the symbols of a marriage that was terminated *whether good or bad. They are still symbols of a broken dream. My ex kept her engagement and wedding rings. I could not care any less what she does with them. I have my wedding ring. It is a very simple gold band. I have no intentions of ever wearing it again. It sits in a drawer attached to my divorce papers. I've thought about selling it or melting down and forging it into something else. But I generally don't wear any jewelry so I can't imagine what that would be. But the last thing I want to do is give it to one of my kids.


I agree wholeheartedly!!! I have similar questions about my wedding dress, which is preserved in a box. 

I still have the diamonds from my wedding set. They are in a little baggie in my jewelry box.  Not sure what to do with them now. I was going to have them put into a brand new set when we reconciled, but now that that went up in flames, not sure. But, what I did with the original set/gold, was I sold it. I had a friend who was actually doing "gold parties" for a jeweler, and I hosted one at my house and she removed the jewels and bought the gold for her employer.

Do NOT give them to your ex!!! He just wants to sell them. 

You could also do this: https://www.idonowidont.com/


----------



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *@Threeblessings: One of my very dear friends and confidantes here at TAM, @GusPolinski, became rather tired and tedious of seeing an absolute plethora of my earlier posts that specifically referred to my most recent ex-wife as none other than "my rich, skanky ex-wife!"
> 
> So he went over to a website called "Urban Dictionary" and officially had my phrase of choice officially changed and copyrighted to an acronym that would save me time whenever I chose to bring that sad and sordid subject matter up; accordingly it is "RSXW" and if you go to that site, even until this very day, you'll see it proudly posted up there for all to see!
> 
> ...


Wow! I just had a look at Urban Dictionary, here's what I found RSXW
Rich, skanky ex-wife
RSXW - I divorced my rich, skanky ex-wife once I realized that she'd been pulling trains w/ anyone that would ride!
by GusPo May 31, 2015
I think an acronym for my soon to be ex-husband would be an awesome idea.... what do you thin about HXH = Heartless ex-husband? or SXH = Skanky ex-husband? or TOM = Tool of man???? Trying to come up with one that can include the word cheater? Going to peruse Urban Dictionary for some ideas. 

You're lovely arbitrator and I'm sure another Mrs Arbitrator will be come along soon enough =).


----------



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I agree wholeheartedly!!! I have similar questions about my wedding dress, which is preserved in a box.
> 
> I still have the diamonds from my wedding set. They are in a little baggie in my jewelry box. Not sure what to do with them now. I was going to have them put into a brand new set when we reconciled, but now that that went up in flames, not sure. But, what I did with the original set/gold, was I sold it. I had a friend who was actually doing "gold parties" for a jeweler, and I hosted one at my house and she removed the jewels and bought the gold for her employer.
> 
> ...


I am not giving them back to him under any circumstances. It's a pity about my wedding dress though because I had ideas for it, but it all went up in flames when I discovered he disposed of it at the rubbish tip. I was so distraught, I drove there a few days later with the intention of salvaging it, but it was nowhere to be seen. I later found out him and his mother took a Sunday drive out there to throw it out with a whole lot of other things. It really was a beautiful dress. In a way, I'm glad I didn't find it that day.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Threeblessings said:


> I am not giving them back to him under any circumstances. It's a pity about my wedding dress because I had ideas for that but that all went up in flames when I discovered he disposed of it at the rubbish tip. I was so distraught I drove there a few days later with the intention of salvaging it but it was nowhere to be seen. I later found out him and his mother took a Sunday drive out there to throw it out with a whole lot of other things. It really was a beautiful dress. In a way I'm glad I didn't find it that day.


What a jerk!!!

I designed my dress (from photos of 7 different dresses) and it was custom made. My mom keeps telling me to sell it, but doesn't realize that a dress made in 1996 isn't exactly fashionable these days. I'd like to donate it to an organization that makes baptism dresses for babies in hospitals.


----------



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> What a jerk!!!
> 
> I designed my dress (from photos of 7 different dresses) and it was custom made. My mom keeps telling me to sell it, but doesn't realize that a dress made in 1996 isn't exactly fashionable these days. I'd like to donate it to an organization that makes baptism dresses for babies in hospitals.


I think that's a fantastic idea for your wedding dress. While I didn't design my dress I purchased it from a wedding boutique in the UK, that's where we lived and married before relocating 'down under'. I found the veil in the garden ripped one day, so I took it and I still have my tiara that went with it. There is also no photos of me in the dress because he destroyed them all.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I don't have any pictures from when I married my exH. I culled all pictures of he and I years ago. I didn't want them. I didn't see any reason to keep reminders of a failed relationship. I guess I'm only sentimental about items associated with memories I cherish.

I have nothing from the marriage except pictures of my exH and the girls. He was a shyte father, so there aren't many. I plan on giving those to the girls at some point. If they want them, that is. So far my oldest DD (aged 22) is indifferent and my youngest DD (aged 17) has said she has zero interest in them. I have plenty of pictures of the girls when they were little that don't include exH, so no one will miss the ones that have him in them. I figure I'll keep the pics for a few more years and if their feelings don't change, I'll chuck em in the trash.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I gave them to the jeweler along with some other gold, and had a new ring made for my soon-to-be new bride that we designed together.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Ynot said:


> I don't understand why anyone would want to give their children the symbols of a marriage that was terminated whether good or bad. They are still symbols of a broken dream. My ex kept her engagement and wedding rings. I could not care any less what she does with them. I have my wedding ring. It is a very simple gold band. I have no intentions of ever wearing it again. It sits in a drawer attached to my divorce papers. I've thought about selling it or melting down and forging it into something else. But I generally don't wear any jewelry so I can't imagine what that would be. But the last thing I want to do is give it to one of my kids.


See, I don't get it either. My wife saved all of her marital jewelry...wedding set, anniversary jewelry etc, for her daughter. To me, it really seemed as if part of it was simply not being able to fully let go of the past. The marital jewelry is something between the husband and wife, and really nothing to do with the children. Keeping trinkets and reminders of something that was not good just seems off to me.

My ex wife offered me her marital jewelry, and I took it all without hesitation, and pawned it as soon as possible. I know what I got was less than the retail value, but for me, putting the past to rest and moving on was far more valuable than hanging on until the price was right.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Don't give them back to him, they belong to you. I kept all of the jewelry that my Ex gave me, we were together over 20 years and I love jewelry so there is a lot. He bought me a lot of designer jewelry from Cartier, Bvlgari and Tiffany and that has a decent resale market. If it is from a well known higher end jewelry line the resale might be decent (I've made money on some of my pieces), otherwise you will end up taking a hit expect to get 20% of what you originally paid on average.


----------



## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

I put my rings in a box with the other memories of my marriage (photos, keepsakes, etc). Maybe someday I'll give it to my kids and let them decide what they want. Mostly I just wanted it all put somewhere so I didn't have to look at it.

But my rings have literally no retail value, so selling isn't really an option.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I don't see my marriage as having failed, it came to it's natural ending and life moved on in another direction. To me the rings are not a symbol of failure at all, they are a symbol of one part of my life.


----------



## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I took mine off.
I placed it in a box labelled "old life" with a few photos of us she left behind.
I took that box and put it in the back of my closet.

...and I haven't opened it since.

It will most likely go to the next male heir in our family line.


----------



## Navy3 (Apr 27, 2012)

Hi, I have fled domestic violence.

Someone said why don't you sell them and buy something with the money.
I didn't want anything, I'd have associated whatever I bought with the rings (him).

I went to the sea and threw the lot in....then gave him the bird. 

A police sergeant came to talk to me about the DV, I told him they were marked with smart water, a police identification liquid in case of a burglary, I said if anyone hands them in I don't want them back - that'd be just my luck! I certainly did NOT want them passing onto our children - too many bad vibes. The sea is the best place for them!


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> *Legally your rings belong to you. They are not 'his' rings.
> *
> If you sell them, you will most likely get only a fraction of their retail value. For that reason I think saving them for your children is a good idea. They will mean something to your children.
> 
> ...


Not true in all states and you need to check your jurisdiction. In Colorado they can be considered part of community property and hence forced to be sold and divided like any other asset. They can and do grant some discretion when it comes to family heirlooms.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

toss it in Sauron's volcano


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I went out drinking with some very good friends one night and woke up with vague memories of having a girl throw it in the river.

I'm not positive that happened, but if it did I'm good with it. At any rate, I never saw it again.


----------



## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

I gathered up all mine and had to brought to my jeweler for recycling and bought some really pretty necklaces for xmas for my girls a couple years back. They were the only positive product of my 1st marriage.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I saved both of our rings for the kids along with pictures and other wedding/marriage items they might want to keep since it is part of the story of their lives.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I still have my wedding ring and my engagement ring. They're in my jewelry box.

The engagement ring came from his grandmother--it was her 50th anniversary ring. My X-FIL made me promise that I would return the ring if XH and I got divorced. Well, when I learned that he didn't give a sh!t about me or our marriage, I decided that I didn't give a sh!t about that promise. The lawyer I consulted confirmed that in my state, it's considered a gift AND premarital property, so there was no way he could legally make me give it back. He called asked me about it a few days after we signed our settlement agreement (in which the engagement ring wasn't addressed), and I told him what the attorney had told me. "But," I said, "you are welcome to buy it from me." How much, he asks? "Your half of the money market account [$4k]. Return the cashier's check I gave you when you signed the settlement, and the ring's yours." He didn't even try to haggle with me. Just keep it, then, he says.

I didn't really care about the ring. I just wanted to see if he cared about anything at all. It was, after all, his grandmother's ring. And he didn't care enough to even TRY to get it back.

I thinking about turning the diamond into a necklace, and selling the setting and the wedding ring (gold). But I don't know. I suppose if selling the gold would be enough to pay for the necklace, then maybe I'll do it. I'm not holding onto them for sentimental reasons, I'm just holding them for lack of motivation to do anything else


----------



## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

Ok, just to clarify, in the original post isnt it her ring and HIS ring? So...based on what everyone says about their being her rings, shouldnt she just give HIS back to him to do what he wants...????


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

MRR said:


> Ok, just to clarify, in the original post isnt it her ring and HIS ring? So...based on what everyone says about their being her rings, shouldnt she just give HIS back to him to do what he wants...????


The way I read it is her engagement and wedding ring, why would the OP have taken his? Just as the woman is entitled to her rings so would the man, unless there is some agreement stating otherwise. Usually it is the engagement ring that gets fought over since they are usually much more expensive than a wedding ring.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I'm currently married to my First Wife. My first ring was lost in laundry. (less than $200.00) My second ring ($10) broke. My Third ring ($35 ish) lost. I still have 4th, 5th, and 6th. (10, 35, 35). As you can see I learned from my mistakes and no longer buy expensive rings. 6th was part of a matching set bought after Mrs Nail misplaced one of hers (not the original). She still has all of her rings. I bought 3 for her. We share money so I guess she bought them as well. I'm perfectly happy with my cheap rings, they serve the function. (mark her territory). So I guess I don't have any real answer to the question. Check the law in your state before selling. In the majority of states the ring he gave you is yours. The ring you gave him is his.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Legally your rings belong to you. They are not 'his' rings.
> 
> If you sell them, you will most likely get only a fraction of their retail value. For that reason I think saving them for your children is a good idea. They will mean something to your children.
> 
> ...


In the case of heirloom rings I would say it would be best to return them - and tell the husband that she had considered sale for the future of the children BUT held off because of their family importance, and that if the (ring receiving) family set up a bank account for $$ (eg 70-90% of the sale value) for the children then she'd be happy to return them, but until then the ring acts as a financial assurance for the wellbeing of the her and the children (which is that actual purpose of the engagement ring).

If the marriage was short many guys want the ring back as they'll still be paying off the HP up to 5 - 10 years later.

Also if there were no kids, because that's what that contract (rings) is about. So she provides no heirs/children, why should she keep her contracted payment. why should she seek _profit_ from the relationship?? (hmmm)
They're not small considerations (gold rings, jewelry) so once again, why would a reasonable person - even if it was a gift - seek an uneven gain ?


----------



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

MRR said:


> Ok, just to clarify, in the original post isnt it her ring and HIS ring? So...based on what everyone says about their being her rings, shouldnt she just give HIS back to him to do what he wants...????


Just to clarify I also have his wedding ring. When he took the ring off his finger for the last time, he left it lying around. I asked him if he wanted his ring back, to which he replied, do with it whatever you want. So I put it in my jewellery box. Right now, he has asked for my engagement and wedding ring back, not his.


----------



## Euroinus (Jul 31, 2015)

The law may be that it is a gift but I would give it back, frankly keeping it would seem a little money grabbing. That provided that I could take most things I paid for. In my case it's simple because we keep separate bank accounts.

It is what it is, guys are pressured to buy an expensive pieces of rock just because. Family heirlooms should be given back. When you are no longer in family why keep important part of it, seems in a very bad taste.

Maybe I am a little bitter my in laws didn't want to hand down the family heirloom for the lack of faith in our marriage success . So far proving them wrong though.


----------



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

spotthedeaddog said:


> In the case of heirloom rings I would say it would be best to return them - and tell the husband that she had considered sale for the future of the children BUT held off because of their family importance, and that if the (ring receiving) family set up a bank account for $$ (eg 70-90% of the sale value) for the children then she'd be happy to return them, but until then the ring acts as a financial assurance for the wellbeing of the her and the children (which is that actual purpose of the engagement ring).
> 
> If the marriage was short many guys want the ring back as they'll still be paying off the HP up to 5 - 10 years later.
> 
> ...


We have been married 14 years. Our wedding rings and engagement ring were purchased from a jewellery shop and they did not cost thousands of dollars and neither ring was bought on higher purchase either. If he wants he ring back, I have no problem returning it, but he is just interested in my set. 
We have 3 children. I hope I have clarified any confusion.


----------



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Euroinus said:


> The law may be that it is a gift but I would give it back, frankly keeping it would seem a little money grabbing. That provided that I could take most things I paid for. In my case it's simple because we keep separate bank accounts.
> 
> It is what it is, guys are pressured to buy an expensive pieces of rock just because. Family heirlooms should be given back. When you are no longer in family why keep important part of it, seems in a very bad taste.
> 
> Maybe I am a little bitter my in laws didn't want to hand down the family heirloom for the lack of faith in our marriage success . So far proving them wrong though.



This is nothing whatsoever to do with money grabbing in any way shape or form. I can only speculate that he would like to sell them for his own benefit or maybe give them to his new girlfriend. The truth is I really don't know why he wants them back. They are not family heirlooms, if they were that would be a different story.


----------



## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

Give him his back and keep the rings that are yours. The fact that he only asked for the engagement ring and did not seem to care about the one that is actually his indicates he is likely going to sell it.


----------

