# Husband spnds $1400 on Private Nude Lap Dance...what REALLY happened??



## wave

Ladies,

Please leave your thoughts and input. This is a situation I've been struggling to overcome for 2 years....any help or advice is wanted!

My husband (30 years old at the time, attractive and extremely successful) went to AC for a friend's 30th bday bash. Went to a fully nude strip club (no alcohol sold at nude strip bars) and spend $1400. He claims this money was spent on buying his friend a private room lap dance (about 20-30 mins long) with 2 strippers and also buying himself a private room dance with two strippers....HOWEVER, he admits that he, "busted a nut" (excuse my french) from the lap dance by the stripper rubbing her ass against him.

Now, this story was told to me over the course of two years. Initially, he lied about going to a strip club--said he never even went. Until,I smelled perfume on his shirt and saw on his bank statement that $1400 was charged at the strip club. Then, it took him another year to admit to me that he actually bought a private room and "got off." 

I have never been to a strip club! I dont know what goes on there! All I know is that it would probably hurt rubbing someone's bare butt against jeans for 30 mins. So, therefore, it's probably safe to say that it's NOT how he "finished." He swears on everything that he is telling me the truth.

What are your thoughts? Before he left for the trip, I asked him not go to to strip club, he knew my feelings about them. While he was there, I was at home taking care of our 8 months old son. I was so hurt and felt so degraded. Am I wrong for feeling like this??

Before this happened I would describe our relationship as "normal". We had sex often and at the time I was 26 years old and I consider myself to be an attractive female.

I think about this all the time...and it has damaged me as a person that my husband could go that far. Am I overreacting? Is this normal male behavior?


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## chillymorn

1400$ Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I'd bet what happened is what you think happened.

If I payed 1400$ for a lap dance I better get more than a lap dance!


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## Camarillo Brillo

This is a guy weighing in. A few years ago I went to Vegas with several buddies. We ended up going to a strip club that didn't serve booze, but we were able to carry in our own. I had just a few lap dances and I dropped about $240. One buddy had two strippers give him a private lap dance where they used dildos on each other. He probably dropped about $700. I have never been to a strip club where you could actually have sex with the girls. I haven't even been to one where I saw BJ's being given. So, its entirely likely that your husband dropped $1,400.


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## underwater2010

Agree with Camarillo.....they got the girl on girl party. Ranges from 600 - 700 out here and the girls aren't even that good. Good news is that it is very rare to get bjs or sex in the strip club. Bad news that it is a normal physical response for a man to come when a girl is grinding on him while watching a show. Add to that amount the drinks and tipping....you get the point.


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## fortheloveofit2

Camarillo Brillo said:


> This is a guy weighing in. A few years ago I went to Vegas with several buddies. We ended up going to a strip club that didn't serve booze, but we were able to carry in our own. I had just a few lap dances and I dropped about $240. One buddy had two strippers give him a private lap dance where they used dildos on each other. He probably dropped about $700. I have never been to a strip club where you could actually have sex with the girls. I haven't even been to one where I saw BJ's being given. So, its entirely likely that your husband dropped $1,400.


You are correct. Most strip clubs do not allow any touching by the males at all. I have been ROCK h**d in a club before, with more grinding I probably would have %[email protected] one also. At $60-$100 per song for 30 min for two guys. $1400 sounds about right.


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## Lon

Considering how you found out the details it sounds an awful lot like trickle truth to me - you probably got enough of the truth in order for your H to think he convinced you to not dig any further into this.

Then again, it is pure speculation on my part, perhaps you did get the entire truth, no way that anybody on an anonymous forum who wasn't actually there can tell you what really went on.

Oh, I will also add that a friend of mine told me about a trip to Vegas he took one time, and in one day dropped about $3k, half of it on booze and some drugs, the other half on an "escort" that gave him the full meal deal.


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## 3Xnocharm

It sounds to me like he may have been embarrassed by the whole incident, especially if strip clubs arent normally his thing.


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## Hope1964

Whether you have the whole truth or not, the fact is that your husband got his rocks off as a result of ministrations from another woman. In my books, that is cheating.

How do you know this is the only time he's done such a thing?


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## MrK

If you want to get laid, you do NOT go to a strip joint. I've been to a few in my life. And although Ive never dropped 4 figures, I've heard of people who had. No sex. Ejaculation in my pants while she grinds me? Maybe...

What is that Chris Rock "song"? "There is NO SEX in the champaign room."

Your husband told you he would not go to a strip joint. He not only did, he spent HUGE bucks doing it. And someone wonders why there was trickle truth?


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## anotherguy

Hope1964 said:


> Whether you have the whole truth or not, the fact is that your husband got his rocks off as a result of ministrations from another woman. In my books, that is cheating.
> 
> How do you know this is the only time he's done such a thing?


:iagree:

'busted a nut'? 'got off' Really? How nice. You both had an understanding - and he is off ejaculating (hopefully?) in his pants with some skank grinding on his crank or giving him a private handjob... if you are lucky. Perfume on his shirt when not expected...

I dont know. This is a pretty good sized breach of trust, considering this is a repeat offender.

I admit my wife, I know, isnt that excited about strip clubs, and neither am I... but if she had that up as a one of her 'veto's, you really need to honor that - at the VERY LEAST he needs to do what he says and what you agreed on. Did you agree?

Agreement is not simply 'yes dear' and do what you want anyway. 

'normal behavior'? Not really - at least not for the happily married guys I know - its just not the way it is from my limited perspective. I have seen it with single guys I know, or guys that are on the rocks in their relationships etc. It the kind of behavior you find in young, single, partying 'alpha males'. In older men in stable relationships... not so much.


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## chillymorn

you could spend 1400$ on an expensive escort.....but a lap dance thats just plain stupid and why would you want to be married to just plain stupid!

when my brother got divorce he would hire an expensive escotr which was about 200$ an hour and she was pretty and would do anything you wanted twice.

maybe he got an escort . 1400$ is a lot of money maybe its just me but I wouldn't pay 1400$ for a dance or sex for that matter when my hand and a good imagine works just fine!!!!

guess I'm cheap!


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## justonelife

> Whether you have the whole truth or not, the fact is that your husband got his rocks off as a result of ministrations from another woman. In my books, that is cheating


I agree with Hope. This is exactly the reason I wouldn't want my H going to a strip club (at least without me). I don't really see how having a naked girl rub herself all over him and him get off as being "okay". The only difference between that and "real" sex is the fact the he still has his clothes on. That's too fine a line for me and not one I'm willing to live with. 

If he agreed not to go and then spent $1400 on WHATEVER with another woman, he doesn't have much respect for you or your feelings. I'd call it cheating.


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## In_The_Wind

I agree seems like the money could be spent better on something else. Those girls are trained in the fine art of removing dollars from mens wallets and it sounds like they had a good night depending upon the club depends upon what goes on. some clubs allow prostitution some dont I have seen it all at these places


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## wiigirl

chillymorn said:


> 1400$ Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
> 
> I'd bet what happened is what you think happened.
> 
> If I payed 1400$ for a lap dance I better get more than a lap dance!


:iagreed:









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Soifon

It sounds to me like he is telling the truth. I think any kind of sexual favor going on would be under the table (no pun intended) and you wouldn't see it charged on your bank statement. That said, I don't care if my SO goes to strip clubs but so help me, if he ever gets off by seeing or being touched in anyway by a stripper that is where I would flip out. I agree that it is borderline cheating at that point.


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## chillymorn

if it was a truly a lap dance and he creamed his jeans thats just crazy.


but I would be more pi$$ed about wasting 1400$ are you f*cking kidding me thats the worst waste of money I can think of.crazy

this guy sounds like a loser with a capital L


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## southern wife

chillymorn said:


> if it was a truly a lap dance and he creamed his jeans thats just crazy.
> 
> 
> but I would be more pi$$ed about wasting 1400$ are you f*cking kidding me thats the worst waste of money I can think of.crazy
> 
> this guy sounds like a loser with a capital L


:iagree: On all accounts above!


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## thunderstruck

wave said:


> HOWEVER, he admits that he, "bsted a nt" (excuse my french) from the lap dance by the strpper rubbing her a** against him.


Hell, he's probably telling the truth. He could have easily left the nut bust part out of the story.

I'm a cheapskate, so I'd need a lot more than some azz rubbed against my jeans for $1400.


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## Caribbean Man

$1400.00 is the price of a high end escort, not a stripper.


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## moxy

$1400 dollars for a lap dance? You know exactly what happened. He just doesn't want to admit to the deed with the high priced hookers.


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## tjohnson

I have been to NYC and Vegas with guys that could afford to drop allot of coin. I have to assume when you say that your H is enourmously successful that the 1400 isn't exactly going to cut into the kids college or retirement. In some sense it is relative. I had some years where 1400 would not have really caused huge pain even thought the principle of it.... i tend to be frugal so i wince at that number as that could be used elsewhere so others reading this may take head to this. 

At some of these places blink and 500 is gone and 1400 would add up quick. I like strip bars and have been to my fair share. I will say the heavy grinding thing is about as far as i have ever seen. Keep in mind that most of these places are pretty well traveled by vice police as it is would be a great place to prostitute. Hey you got dozens of guys with erections...LOL 

Personally, i no longer see a women grinding on my di$* as acceptable behavior for me. Earlier in our marriage i felt differently even though my wife was cool with lap dances. To me they at too intimate. 

I think it is highly unlikely for anything to have gone on more than the grinding which he admits to. To me it all ads up and he hid the bustin the nut part. 

On the flip side if your gut is tellin' you different...I know guys that go to pros for the full monty. Personally i think it is gross. They hide their activity by using cash. If you trully think he is lying it is likely that this would not be his first/last/only trip to "a pro" (and you really want to know) figure out a way to keep track of the money. If he has direct deposit get involved in the finances and start digging. Tell him you want to plan for retirement or whatever see a financial adviser that will suggest you keep track of things. If he starts hitting the atm etc. for uneplained amounts....

I will say if something REALLY bad happened it did not happen in a strip club.


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## dubbizle

[but I would be more pi$$ed about wasting 1400$ are you f*cking kidding me thats the worst waste of money I can think of.crazy]

You husband is a fool,I have not gone to one for ages,but I am cheap so pretty muuch they leave me alone. Years and years ago my buddy paid a gal to give me a lap dance it was nice and I enjoyed it but it just a waste of money. 

The strip clubs that have great buffet and shows sports also are a hit.


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## 45188

My guy friends say that sounds about right. 1400$ for 2. Yucky husband though. Yucky..


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## Hicks

On the scale of infidelity, this is a 1 out of 10.


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## Hope1964

Hicks said:


> On the scale of infidelity, this is a 1 out of 10.


There's a scale?? I guess I didn't get that memo.


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## confused55

I think what I would do in this case is -

If you know any of the friends or wives/girlfriends that he went with, I would start up conversations with them about this, just casually as if it doesn't matter. You would probably find out the real truth, or close to it.


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## FrankStein

I know a few males who came from grinding at strip clubs. I've been to strip clubs and NOT gotten lap dances and spend 150 easily. Some strip clubs will offer champagne rooms where sex, or oral/manual sex is something that can happen. If he was willing to admit busting a nut during a grind session he is probably the kind of guy who would admit he got a handy.


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## hehasmyheart

I think he's probably telling you the whole truth. Those girls are out to make money, hustlers of men. In the first place, a married man shouldn't be there. Secondly, that is cheating if he got off while she grinded on him.

With that said, I think it's worth working through if the rest of the marriage is good.


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## NickCampbell

I'm a guy myself, but...what exactly constitutes "busting a nut?"

Guess I missed that memo..


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## Hicks

Hope1964 said:


> There's a scale?? I guess I didn't get that memo.


Yes, I invented it.


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## 45188

Have you ever watched How I met your mother? Theres this one episode where Barney ends up spending 10,000$ at a strip club getting hustled by the same girl over and over. It's pretty funny.


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## johnnycomelately

I went to a strip club once, with my workmates and with my wife's permission. 

The place I went to was a famous club in London, which sells booze at a high premium. These places are designed to relieve show-offs of their cash. The business model exploits the desire of some men to display their wealth by spending exhorbitant amounts of money. My boss paid for everything and dropped nearly 8000 pounds! That was for 10 people. A fool and his money are soon parted.

The lap dances themselves were only 20 pounds ($40?) a pop, so I find it hard to imagine spending $1400 without buying alcohol.


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## FrankStein

Also, clubs that don't serve alcohol are typically way more expensive because they need to make their money that would have otherwise by selling alcohol.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

He's lying. There is no truth in this. I highly doubt you'll ever get the truth.

Out of respect, he should of not gone at all. If my husband asked me not to go to a strip club, jewelry store, out with other men, whatever the request I would not go. He'd do the same for me.

My husband is on a swimming team, they meet 3x's a week. I'm currently sick with a kidney infection. He called into work to make sure I didn't need to be rushed to the hospital and I asked him not to go swimming. He stayed home. Even if I wasn't sick and I'd ask him to stay home, he would. I'd do the same for him as I mentioned before.

It was very wrong to spend $1400 without your approval. Spending that much money should be agreed upon by both of you period! I will not buy anything over $100 without consulting my husband first. He works hard providing for us and I respect that.

I'm very sorry this happened. I'd question if this marriage is worth fighting for. Good luck.


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## MrsKy

While most strip clubs have no touch rules; in the private rooms those rules often go out the window. 

If your husband paid $1400 and "got off", I am sorry to say that much more than a lap dance occurred. Why would he have to lie about something that was innocent?


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## Needpeace

He betrayed your trust going behind your back.
He then denied it, until you found evidence.
He then threw you tid bits over years, but never the whole truth.
The only thing that adds up here is the amount he spent.
Is he usually so generous with money?

What else has he done behind your back? Is what I would be tormented about. So I can fully understand why you've hung onto this for so long, you've lost trust.

This is not ok.


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## TCSRedhead

Ok I have worked (serving drinks) at a few of the strip clubs. Some do turn a blind eye to full on contact in the private rooms while others are very strict no contact.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

If my husband 'busted a nut' by being grinded on by some dirty stripper, that would be it for us.


I will grind on him in skanky clothes if he wants. No way in hell would I be ok with him getting off with another woman.

Not to mention wasting $1400 for him to bust it!!!


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## sandc

If I hopped into bed and flashed $1400 at my wife and asked what it would get me, I'd get way more than busting my nut inside my jeans. I wouldn't waste that at a strip joint.


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## *LittleDeer*

Even if this wasn't cheating (and it was) and even if he hadn't lied and betrayed your trust.

That is super creepy and sleazy.

I would tell him, if he ever sets foot in a strip club again it's over. I would also make good clear boundaries, ask for 100% truth and marriage counseling.

Also tell him he needs to rebuild the trust, he lost your trust by behaving like a 14 yr old boy with poor impulse control, and he lied and cheated. If he disagrees, tell him it doesn't matter if he doesn't agree, because it's what he's done to you and your boundaries that are supposed to matter.


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## Cosmos

I see the OP hasn't been back, but I hope she isn't still questioning if this is 'normal male behaviour.' We all create our own reality / normality and create boundaries with which to maintain it. It's immaterial whether this sort of thing is acceptable or 'normal' for some couples, because it obviously isn't for her.

"Busting a nut" with another woman, no matter who/what she is, is cheating - and that's the basis on which I'd deal with him.


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## jaquen

Your issues with whether this is considered cheating, or not, and the betrayal aspects are one thing.

But whether your husband could spend $1,400 on just lap dances and it not involve other activities? Of course he could.

The last time I was at a strip joint was here in NYC during my bachelor party night. It was me and seven of my friends. They paid for a steady stream of gorgeous strippers to come around to our table for lap dances during the course of about two hours or so. I know that my best friend, the one who organized the whole night, blew over a $1,000 alone in dances for he and I. Every one of my friends got at least two dances, and I know some of them spent hundreds of dollars on dances for me and themselves. I know that over 2k in cash was spent, and we didn't even spend on any private or VIP room services.

It is NOT hard to blow that kind of cash at a strip joint if you stay there long enough, and depending on what you ordered from the menu. 

Also consider the fact that in most clubs, at least the up and up ones, you can't even touch, or kiss, the girls. The night we went the bouncers were all over my friend for even reaching up to touch one of the girl's face. So the chances that your husband did anything else with the actual strippers at the club is very unlikely, unless he was at some backwater, low rent club that allows that kind of behavior.


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## chillymorn

I must be in a different income bracket than these guy that go to strip clubs. Because I couldn't fathom spending that kinda of money on some skanky woman to put her pu$$y in my face and then get all horned up and then have to leave with a big hard on. and most likely have to spank it when I get home. sounds stupid to be pay large sums of money and then have to leave sexually frustrated. who great idea was that. 


But that's just me.


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## Pault

OK heres a view point. Presently where I am there are strip and pole dance clubs. The rule is simple the male cannot touch but the stripper or dancer can. You pay the dancer as an ehnacement to be more erotic and if that leads to pelvic contact with a clothed male then that is accepted. There are some that offer behind the scenes extras for the right guy and boy that takes a considerable financial hit.

As stated it certainly is possible for a male in their prime age group (20 to 35ish) to have an erection and with contact even rubbing buy a clothed erotic dancer reach orgasm.
A stripper attended one event I was at and I made my excuses pretty quick when she walked amid the all male group. 
Rule one: If you dont want to be found doing something you shouldnt - dont do it.

rule two: If you wouldnt like your partner to do it because it'll upset you - dont do it

rule three: if its in anyway a sexual act and your in a long term relationship including marridge - dont do it 

Most males will say well done , you are the man.
I say "That was really stupid". If it sexual contact then its sexual contact and that must be cheating.....

IF my w came home and said she been rubbed against or been expected to lick cream from a guy (yep these parties are all over the internet) then she was having sexual contact, Id hit the roof.

Paying cash for a pair of wet, stained pants is just juvenile!
He clearly knew this would have an upsetting effect on you or he'd have said something sooner. he may also have been scared that someone would have commented with a "what happens on tour, stays on tour" attitude and something will have got back to you. So he drip fed the incident sofening it as he went.
At best his little head ruled his big head and at worst he (IMO) has in deed cheated and needs to know that.


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## PinkLady1

I read this thread bc I'm wondering what really happens at strip clubs too. I recently found out my husband has been going to strip clubs and lying about it. I asked my brother about them (without mentioning my hubby going to them) and told me what a $40 lap dance got him. Basically, the dance lasted one song and she was grinding all over him but he said the girl finished the dance by sucking his "man-hood" over his jeans. I know my brother wouldn't lie to me and I do consider it cheating. Now, my husband was spending $100-400 on private lap dances and I thought that was bad, so can't imagine what $1400 would cost. Did u ask your H if the entire amount was for just him or the other guys too?


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## br625

PinkLady1 - Read my thread (link is attached below). My husband had a very freaky experience at a strip club almost a year ago to the day and I still haven't completely gotten over it. I've become a strip club/lap dance expert after a year of googling, talking on forums, talking with strippers, etc. How much one spends at a club depends on the location. For example, a vip lap dance in nyc can be $300 for half hour. During that half hour the girl may be chatting, drinking, etc, and only half that time actual dancing. Whether the guy can touch or not probably depends on the girl or the club. Granted, a lap dance is a lap dance and I do believe it's crossing the line for a married man. In my situation this was a one time thing and I have forgiven him. He knows he screwed up big time and has been an even more exceptional husband ever since. I do know a lot of our male friends go to strip clubs and NEVER tell their wives. Not that it makes it right, but so many married guys go to strip clubs. Anyway....I know what you're feeling right now and if I can help in any way please let me know. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/49795-private-lap-dance-strip-club.html


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## jennysmith

i'd me more upset about the $1400!!!!


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## gbrad

$1400, wow that is an insane amount of money. Who has that to just throw around.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Did he pay cash or was it charged?

There are places I've been to where girl's have propositioned me for more than just a dance, but they're trying to make money under the table. They're not gonna take a card.

That said, I can easily see spending $1400 at a strip club. A friend of mine spent $5,000 in only a few trips to a club I introduced him and his bi-girlfriend to. Just a couple people can easily blow thousands in a long night of partying at a strip club. Figure money for the dancers, drinks, entry fees, some have food, lap dances... it adds up.

I mean, I spent $200 just this past weekend at a regular bar. $1400 can happen pretty easily at a strip club if you're reckless.


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## curlysue321

justonelife said:


> I agree with Hope. This is exactly the reason I wouldn't want my H going to a strip club (at least without me). I don't really see how having a naked girl rub herself all over him and him get off as being "okay". The only difference between that and "real" sex is the fact the he still has his clothes on. That's too fine a line for me and not one I'm willing to live with.
> 
> If he agreed not to go and then spent $1400 on WHATEVER with another woman, he doesn't have much respect for you or your feelings. I'd call it cheating.


I agree.


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## DvlsAdvc8

I think lap dances push the line. Its inappropriate sexual touch. It wouldn't fly outside the strip club so why let in fly in the strip club? Getting off to a lap dance crosses the line. C'mon... another woman's touch got you off? Kinda no brainer there.

Going to a strip club, watching people naked... I don't think that's cheating. I personally have never even gone to a strip club FOR the women. I go for the party atmosphere and craziness that ensues with friends. After the bars close, if its a great night we don't want it to be over, we keep it running at the strip club once in awhile.

Regardless, couples should agree on where the line is drawn and its probably going to vary from couple to couple. I personally don't want a woman who feels its cheating if I look at a naked woman. I want a more confident woman. I couldn't care less if she went to see male strippers. I'd probably laugh or otherwise enjoy that she's not so sexually inhibited.


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## hookares

My experience is that nothing much ever comes from visiting a strip club. It is a good way for a homely guy to get some attention from a pretty girl, but I doubt it ever leads to more. I visited a couple for a while after I got back on my feet from the split.
And, I have a hard time believing that a guy would have to spend 1400 dollars to find it out, either.:scratchhead:


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## weesnaw567

He probably got some girls to pole dance, and have sex with him. They probably stripped him down to nothing but a bare naked man and he humped both of them like dogs mating. I would know that because i used to work at a strip club over in Vegas.


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## justanaveragejoe

the answer is highly dependant on where the club is located, i did not read the entire thread but not sure it was said?

i have been to strip clubs all over the entire world....

as little as $100 bucks in some clubs/cities will get you "full service"....in other clubs/cities it might take $100 bucks just to get her to take her top off,

other places the girls will not even touch you (or can not touch you) for any amount of money,

i find what is offered or "on the menu" varies greatly from one city to the next....


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## Caribbean Man

Again,
Just my opinion, but something about spending _that_ amount of money on a lap dance just doesn't sound good.

I think if it was a group of friends, and he paid,then maybe ok.


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## br625

2 strippers ($300 each) for 30 min vip for friend = $600
2 strippers ($300 each) for 30 min vip for hubby = $600

$100 tip for each vip room = $200. There's the $1,400 easy. 

I just have to wonder why he told you he "busted a nut" unless he felt like he needed to come clean. 

How are things now? Have you moved on? My husband's incident was a year ago tomorrow to be exact, hence why I'm completely obsessing about it today.


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