# No REAL issues



## 24NitroglyceriN26

Outside of the inferred issues and realities of my mind's eye, my marriage has been a total bliss. She is the greatest woman of my life. I was wondering; however, anybody know how I can relay my good feelings about her? She is intimidating.


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## BeyondRepair007

Connect with her emotionally, communicate frequently, listen well, give her your full attention.
Find out her love language and express love through words and actions the way she needs it.

Don’t be intimidated, be brave. She’s your wife, be the husband.


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## thunderchad

How long have you been married?


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## Young at Heart

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> Outside of the inferred issues and realities of my mind's eye, my marriage has been a total bliss. She is the greatest woman of my life. I was wondering; however, anybody know how I can relay my good feelings about her? She is intimidating.


My suggestion would be to read Chapman's book the Five Love Languages and make sure you speak you love for her in HER LOVE LANGUAGES. If you can do that she will feel cherished and love.

Good luck.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

thunderchad said:


> How long have you been married?


16 years


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

Young at Heart said:


> My suggestion would be to read Chapman's book the Five Love Languages and make sure you speak you love for her in HER LOVE LANGUAGES. If you can do that she will feel cherished and love.
> 
> Good luck.


Interesting suggestion - maybe it is common. I have heard of the idea so...

Thanks
Mark


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## Evinrude58

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> Outside of the inferred issues and realities of my mind's eye, my marriage has been a total bliss. She is the greatest woman of my life. I was wondering; however, anybody know how I can relay my good feelings about her? She is intimidating.


How is your wife of 16 years intimidating?
In my opinion, you don’t need to “relay?” Your good feelings to her. Just show her every day in your interactions and how you take care of her. It’s been many, many years since either my father or myself has told the other we loved each other. (I tell my own children regularly)
It’s not needed. I KNOW my father loves me and He KNOWS I love him. Because of how we treat one another. We have had Knick down drag outs over stupid stuff like building duck blinds and training dogs. We’ve both pouted and not talked to one another for several days over our own shenanigans. Not once have I ever thought for one second that my dad doesn’t love me, and I suspect he feels the same. He’s 81 and my closest friend.
Your wife isn’t yours? Intimidating?
I would like to know more?


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## Young at Heart

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> Interesting suggestion - maybe it is common. I have heard of the idea so...
> 
> Thanks
> Mark


Chapman's approach is to make a person feel loved and cherished and fill their love bank, such that they really like being with their partner who furnishes them with those feelings. In some ways it is a way of rebuilding feelings of love in your partner. Some might argue it also builds a co-dependence in your partner.

The hard part is learning a different way of behaving to express your love to a partner and making it part of a new you.


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## ThatDarnGuy!

Buy her one of these for her back window and tell her I love you like Forrest loves Jenny. And if at anytime you doubt that love or miss me while driving, just turn your rear wiper on, look in the rearview mirror and I will be there for you.

I installed this on her suv without her knowing. After telling her what I said above, she laughed to tears and said omg, I married a man child 🤣🤣🤣. She kept it and said she gets compliments all the time.


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## Rob_1

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> She is intimidating.


If after 16 years of marriage you find your wife "intimidating", then you have not had a blissful marriage, it comes across as you being on tiptoes around her, why??


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

Evinrude58 said:


> How is your wife of 16 years intimidating?
> In my opinion, you don’t need to “relay?” Your good feelings to her. Just show her every day in your interactions and how you take care of her. It’s been many, many years since either my father or myself has told the other we loved each other. (I tell my own children regularly)
> It’s not needed. I KNOW my father loves me and He KNOWS I love him. Because of how we treat one another. We have had Knick down drag outs over stupid stuff like building duck blinds and training dogs. We’ve both pouted and not talked to one another for several days over our own shenanigans. Not once have I ever thought for one second that my dad doesn’t love me, and I suspect he feels the same. He’s 81 and my closest friend.
> Your wife isn’t yours? Intimidating?
> I would like to know more?


I say intimidating as most adverse interactions with her escalate. I think it is a strategy of all who do this to prevent or reduce future objections. My wife is not a friend - she was. 

Thanks


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

Rob_1 said:


> If after 16 years of marriage you find your wife "intimidating", then you have not had a blissful marriage, it comes across as you being on tiptoes around her, why??


It is intimidating because her reaction is verbal attackery which results in me diverting her on future encounters. It is sad to be a part of. I guess I'm a coward.


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## BeyondRepair007

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> It is intimidating because her reaction is verbal attackery which results in me diverting her on future encounters. It is sad to be a part of. I guess I'm a coward.


Huh? Are you OP with a new account or something?

Find your backbone. Be a man.
Or her a pet. Your choice.

you said she was a friend, but now is not. What changed?


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

Yah, new account and just making conversation. I wasn't really wanting to give it legitimacy - her temper tactics or reward it with more of me being a man as you say.

I didn't marry to get a friend is why we aren't friends. I would have said we were friends at the beginning of this but have thought about it and refuse her the position.


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## BeyondRepair007

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> Yah, new account and just making conversation. I wasn't really wanting to give it legitimacy - her temper tactics or reward it with more of me being a man as you say.
> 
> I didn't marry to get a friend is why we aren't friends. I would have said we were friends at the beginning of this but have thought about it and refuse her the position.


I’m really confused. Are we talking about your wife?

Husbands should be both _friend_ and _man_ for their wife.

Denying her feelings as illegitimate is a quick path to divorce.
What do these “temper tactics” look like? What is she upset about?


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

thunderchad said:


> How long have you been married?


Ever since 2006 - seems like longer.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

Rob_1 said:


> If after 16 years of marriage you find your wife "intimidating", then you have not had a blissful marriage, it comes across as you being on tiptoes around her, why??


Thank you for asking. It hasn't been tip toes but it has been blissful for her I think. Not based on her words but based on my judgement, or lack thereof. 

If argumentized our speaking turns to stupidity. It is intimidating to argue with her because I will not forgive her if she goes as far as she has in the past. Knowing this makes it very dangerous, in my mind, to willfully participate. It is pretty straight forward stuff.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I’m really confused. Are we talking about your wife?
> 
> Husbands should be both _friend_ and _man_ for their wife.
> 
> Denying her feelings as illegitimate is a quick path to divorce.
> What do these “temper tactics” look like? What is she upset about?


Denying feelings, I am not. Friend is a sacred type of relationship in my mind. Guess she is a different special. 

Temper tactic would be refusing to ever apologize. Refusing to ever be wrong in argument. Refusing to prioritize the things said with my heart in mind vs saying the predictable, hard stuff. 

Upset? I don't really care what she is upset about. She lies about her grievances - claiming falsehoods.


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## thunderchad

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> Thank you for asking. It hasn't been tip toes but it has been blissful for her I think. Not based on her words but based on my judgement, or lack thereof.
> 
> If argumentized our speaking turns to stupidity. It is intimidating to argue with her because I will not forgive her if she goes as far as she has in the past. Knowing this makes it very dangerous, in my mind, to willfully participate. It is pretty straight forward stuff.


Your wife hates you and you aren't talking and have a dead bedroom. Why don't you just get divorced?


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

thunderchad said:


> Your wife hates you and you aren't talking and have a dead bedroom. Why don't you just get divorced?


I feel divorce is for people who are going to burn in hell. That's just a fear I have and gratefully not some kind of rule or something, right ThunderChad? LOL!!


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## BeyondRepair007

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> I will not forgive her if she goes as far as she has in the past.


What does this mean? How far as she gone in the past?

Has she been verbally or physically violent with you? Walked out and left you for a while? Cheated? 

How did you reconcile when <whatever she did> happened?


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## thunderchad

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> I feel divorce is for people who are going to burn in hell. That's just a fear I have and gratefully not some kind of rule or something, right ThunderChad? LOL!!


Basically every religion accepts divorce now.


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## DownByTheRiver

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> Thank you for asking. It hasn't been tip toes but it has been blissful for her I think. Not based on her words but based on my judgement, or lack thereof.
> 
> If argumentized our speaking turns to stupidity. It is intimidating to argue with her because I will not forgive her if she goes as far as she has in the past. Knowing this makes it very dangerous, in my mind, to willfully participate. It is pretty straight forward stuff.


Sounds like time for marital counseling to teach you two how to communicate better.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

DownByTheRiver said:


> Sounds like time for marital counseling to teach you two how to communicate better.


Yes, that sounds like a great stop. Any suggestions where we could go?


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## DownByTheRiver

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> Yes, that sounds like a great stop. Any suggestions where we could go?


Google your town and look for a certified psychologist marriage counselor, not just a marriage counselor without the education. It takes psychology to sort each of you out to help you. You just need to learn to communicate without it getting toxic, I think. Of course, you may unearth some deeper problems, so be prepared.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

Oh boy, oh boy, I am so prepared. I can only imagine what else I am hiding. Like dead bodies, you have to know where to dig! hahahahahahahahahahahhaha They have a new drug for depression I saw maybe I'll try doing that before doing the counseling of the marriage. Okay, so google town. Thank you!


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## Diana7

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> I feel divorce is for people who are going to burn in hell. That's just a fear I have and gratefully not some kind of rule or something, right ThunderChad? LOL!!


That's an odd thing to believe. Divorce isn't the unforgivable sin.


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## DownByTheRiver

I think wasting your life being miserable is the greater sin.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

Diana7 said:


> That's an odd thing to believe. Divorce isn't the unforgivable sin.


It could be unforgivable if my forgiveness is needed.


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## Lotsofheart73

I don’t know. Opening post went from my marriage has been total bliss / love of my life to basically calling her a jackass. OP, why don’t you just say what you mean and ask a real question ?


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

Lotsofheart73 said:


> I don’t know. Opening post went from my marriage has been total bliss / love of my life to basically calling her a jackass. OP, why don’t you just say what you mean and ask a real question ?


Move along


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## DownByTheRiver

If she's intimidating, certainly she wants some respect, but if she's that strong, then you shouldn't have to agree with her about everything to get along because she ought to be able to handle any little differences.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

Her intent, at conflict, is to intimidate. I am not intimidated because or by her. She is not impressive if authority, the word, had an opinion. I spent much of marriage feeling like she was a victim because the only time she would hear my point of view was when she was screaming and yelling. Not strong. One day I asked myself if it was worth winning arguments via a yelling match and I answer it was not. I stopped getting baited and she immediately drifted and refused to listen to me. 

If she wants to be all big and strong, fine - I call her intimidating and say our marriage was a bliss. That bliss was paid for by me and weekly screaming and yelling arguments where I out babooned her. I am not a baboon. 

It is too far gone or too much for you to give any advice going where you have.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

24NitroglyceriN26 said:


> Outside of the inferred issues and realities of my mind's eye, my marriage has been a total bliss. She is the greatest woman of my life. I was wondering; however, anybody know how I can relay my good feelings about her? She is intimidating.


The more relevant question is how and why do you have such a long Username.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Lotsofheart73 said:


> I don’t know. Opening post went from my marriage has been total bliss / love of my life to basically calling her a jackass. OP, why don’t you just say what you mean and ask a real question ?


There is no real question here.


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## aine

24NitroglyceriN26 said:


> Oh boy, oh boy, I am so prepared. I can only imagine what else I am hiding. Like dead bodies, you have to know where to dig! hahahahahahahahahahahhaha They have a new drug for depression I saw maybe I'll try doing that before doing the counseling of the marriage. Okay, so google town. Thank you!


You seem to be very confused or high on something........................................


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## aine

24NitroglyceriN26 said:


> Her intent, at conflict, is to intimidate. I am not intimidated because or by her. She is not impressive if authority, the word, had an opinion. I spent much of marriage feeling like she was a victim because the only time she would hear my point of view was when she was screaming and yelling. Not strong. One day I asked myself if it was worth winning arguments via a yelling match and I answer it was not. I stopped getting baited and she immediately drifted and refused to listen to me.
> 
> If she wants to be all big and strong, fine - I call her intimidating and say our marriage was a bliss. That bliss was paid for by me and weekly screaming and yelling arguments where I out babooned her. I am not a baboon.
> 
> It is too far gone or too much for you to give any advice going where you have.


When your wife has grievances, do you actually listen? Women normally raise their voices and descend into yelling due to frustration because they are being talked over, their grievances minimized, when they are not listened to. Do you actually listen without interruption, without judgement, without defensiveness, without talking down? I suspect you do not.


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