# Husband and his things



## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

My son (15, husbands stepson) has gotten some lawn mowing jobs. He had a few last year but has gotten more this year. My husband is freaking out because my son has to use our lawnmower to do these jobs. I on the other hand think its great that my son is working and earning his own money. My husband has a son (same age) that doesn't do anything but sit on his video game all day. We argued last night about the "wear and tear" this is going to have on the mower. I told him there is nothing we can do about that, and he said hes the one that will have to replace it if something happens to it. I reassured him that my son will save money and help him if needed. He sais "yea sure". I told him my son will put gas in it. He then told me "forget it, don't worry about it". He had an attitude about the whole thing. I just don't get the real issue. He was the one that said my son should get a job, now that he has one, its a problem. He even said it in front of my son. He said "who's mower are you using?" Made him feel like any job he gets is going to be an issue. Am I wrong here? Or is my husband being ridiculous?


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

Are you raising a man or trying to save on gas and lawn mower parts?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

your husband should be glad and happy that your son is starting his work life.

unless you are really poor or your son thrashes the thing, he shouldn't worry about the lawn mower.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

IMO the issue is your son is a hard worker and your husband's son is not. Your husband is jealous that you raised a "better" child.

BTW a well maintained lawn mower can last a decade or more.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

Buy your son a lawn mower. Have him pay you back in installments. Men are particular about their "toys." 

When we were saving for a house my H use to do all kinds of odd jobs including lawn work. When we bought a house he bought a second mower which was strictly for "his" lawn. He continued the odd jobs until he got a job where he needed to travel. He never used the mower dedicated to "his" lawn on other people's lawns.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Your husband is being a jerk. Two of my kids made good money mowing lawns in the neighborhood. They earned enough to replace the mower several times over (as long as you're talking about a $200 mower not a $600 mower. They're both out of the house now and the mower is still going strong so... 

Working in the summer heat and getting grimy is a good thing for a teenager. (Make them put on the sunscreen.) Hustling to find jobs and figuring out how to get everything done before the rain comes is good too. It teaches them how to plan and prioritize.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Make it simple, he has to pay a 15% maintenance fee for every lawn he mows. If he mows a lawn for $20 (just for example) he pays the house $3. End of story. Put the money in a jar, and use it for gas and parts.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

thefam said:


> Buy your son a lawn mower. Have him pay you back in installments. Men are particular about their "toys."
> 
> When we were saving for a house my H use to do all kinds of odd jobs including lawn work. When we bought a house he bought a second mower which was strictly for "his" lawn. He continued the odd jobs until he got a job where he needed to travel. He never used the mower dedicated to "his" lawn on other people's lawns.


Yeah. I know a guy with three lawn mowers all for his own lawn!

They're all $600 mowers too. 

My attitude as that they are tools, nothing more. I'm happy to lend my tools to someone who knows how to use them properly (and will return them when I need them). 

I have plenty of tools that sit in my workshop and garage and don't do anyone a bit of good 99% of the time. I'm not a tradesman so i use them only occasionally. They're made to be used and I'm happy to lend them out given the provisions I mentioned before are followed.

ETA: Many tools last a lifetime (small hand tools, etc) and many will wear out (drills, things with electronics or motors). I used to get annoyed with having to buy new ones but now I recognize that the money I've saved by being handy pays for tool replacement so I don't sweat it.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

I like the reserve for maintenance idea. 

I'd also have your son buy a couple quarts of oil and ask dad to show him how to change it, if he doesn't already know, since the season is starting and the oil should be changed...


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Yeah. I know a guy with three lawn mowers all for his own lawn!
> 
> They're all $600 mowers too.
> 
> ...


I feel the same as you. But my H is particular about lawn tools. He has lots and lots of household tools that he gladly loans out. But not his lawn tools. Maybe OP husband is like that. I think it does teach son a lesson that there is a cost to doing business. It won't hurt him to learn that early.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

thefam said:


> I feel the same as you. But my H is particular about lawn tools. He has lots and lots of household tools that he gladly loans out. But not his lawn tools. Maybe OP husband is like that. I think it does teach son a lesson that there is a cost to doing business. It won't hurt him to learn that early.


People are funny. I guess different things are sacred to different people. 

If you wanted to mow your lawn would your husband not like that either?


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Thanks everyone! I didn't think I was losing it. I just don't think all his money should go to keeping up a lawnmower. I like the idea of him putting money in a jar to. Or helping to change the oil ect... And I agree I think he is jealous of my son compared to his. But he still shouldn't take it out on my son. My son is mowing all these lawns along with keeping up with his football. So its a lot for him. Our mower is only 200, its new, so I can see why my husband it being so weird, but still, its a lawnmower! I offered to buy my son a cheap one, he said no. But still complained. He keeps good maintence on it, cleans it after EVERY mow. Thanks for the ideas!


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## LadybugMomma (Apr 28, 2016)

I'd ask your H point blank what his problem is regarding your son using the lawn mower. I mean geesh! He expects the young man to get a job then he cops an attitude because he does! And I'd also say something about his son sitting around doing nothing while yours is expected to work.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

LadybugMomma said:


> I'd ask your H point blank what his problem is regarding your son using the lawn mower. I mean geesh! He expects the young man to get a job then he cops an attitude because he does! And I'd also say something about his son sitting around doing nothing while yours is expected to work.


I wouldn't bother asking the H to explain his problem with the son using the mower. It's obviously coming from an emotional place. Asking him to explain it is just going to create more tension. 

I would tell him that his attitude about the mower is sending the son mixed messages. Ask him to be more encouraging. Maybe offer to help him set up a budget around the business. It's an opportunity to teach the boy how to run a business, including keeping the books. It will also show the son how much of the cost of the mower is coming out of the household budget compared to how much it's used at home. 

The son could offer to mow the yard as part of the payment toward those expenses. Or at least express gratitude for the use of the tools to get his business enterprise rolling. 

Done correctly it will go a long way in developing him into a future business leader and successful adult.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Herschel said:


> Make it simple, he has to pay a 15% maintenance fee for every lawn he mows. If he mows a lawn for $20 (just for example) he pays the house $3. End of story. Put the money in a jar, and use it for gas and parts.


This is not a bad idea, but make it even better. Teach him how to do a budget for his business and revise expenses over time. So how much gas per square foot or whatever. Have him perform or acquire the service from his expense budget...


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Sounds petty to me. I would go out and buy my son a mower tomorrow. Tell H he can keep his. Just have your son pay you back in installments. This way, your H won't have anything to whine about.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happynconfused said:


> My son (15, husbands stepson) has gotten some lawn mowing jobs. He had a few last year but has gotten more this year. My husband is freaking out because my son has to use our lawnmower to do these jobs. I on the other hand think its great that my son is working and earning his own money. My husband has a son (same age) that doesn't do anything but sit on his video game all day. We argued last night about the "wear and tear" this is going to have on the mower. I told him there is nothing we can do about that, and he said hes the one that will have to replace it if something happens to it. I reassured him that my son will save money and help him if needed. He sais "yea sure". I told him my son will put gas in it. He then told me "forget it, don't worry about it". He had an attitude about the whole thing. I just don't get the real issue. He was the one that said my son should get a job, now that he has one, its a problem. He even said it in front of my son. He said "who's mower are you using?" Made him feel like any job he gets is going to be an issue. Am I wrong here? Or is my husband being ridiculous?


your H is being ridiculous. I used my folks mower for making money. They did not care. I guess using the car to get to his next job is out of the question?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

staarz21 said:


> Sounds petty to me. I would go out and buy my son a mower tomorrow. Tell H he can keep his. Just have your son pay you back in installments. This way, your H won't have anything to whine about.


Yep, you can get a good push mower for under $150.00.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

As a guy I can relate. I suspect his response it is a mixture of pride of you pointing that your son is working (while his does not) and somebody messing with his "stuff."

Male pride is a tough one to get through. I am sure that he feels a little insecure that his son is playing games while yours wants to work. Inside he wonders what he did wrong raising his son. The only guidance I could give is to make sure you treat both boys the same and not show favoritism.

I get it, I don't like people messing with my stuff since you never know what condition you might get it back. There is just something about a man and his toys. But the mower is just "stuff" that can be replaced. Come at it from the angle that you can't replace the work ethic that is developing or the satisfaction of supporting yourself.

You could also just buy your son mower and make him pay you in installments. Then your husband theoretically will have nothing to complain about. Sad truth is that will not solve the problem. The whole pride thing will come back and he will still be upset, just the complaint will change. I sense that there is something deeper going on about the perceptions of how the boys are treated differently.




Herschel said:


> Make it simple, he has to pay a 15% maintenance fee for every lawn he mows. If he mows a lawn for $20 (just for example) he pays the house $3. End of story. Put the money in a jar, and use it for gas and parts.


I thought this was a great idea, along with your son doing the maintenance. Building more life skills.


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## Justinian (Mar 7, 2015)

Acoa said:


> I wouldn't bother asking the H to explain his problem with the son using the mower. It's obviously coming from an emotional place.


I may be able to explain the H's emotional place. It's called being an anal-retentive "tool nut". I too suffer from that syndrome (mania?), many men (and some women) do. Those who are not afflicted with this syndrome will never understand.

Over the years, I have amassed an incredible collection of tools, they are my pride and joy. People who don't properly value tools won't (or can't) take care of them. As a rule, I won't lend my tools to anybody. I make no apologies for that. It beats the anger and frustration of having them returned abused or broken.

I have also been called an a$$hole many times for my attitude, and I can understand that as well. I've tried to keep it to a minimum by keeping old tools as I have replaced them with better, more expensive models. The old ones have become "loaners" that I don't have to worry about.



Acoa said:


> ... Ask him to be more encouraging. Maybe offer to help him set up a budget around the business. It's an opportunity to teach the boy how to run a business, including keeping the books. It will also show the son how much of the cost of the mower is coming out of the household budget compared to how much it's used at home.
> 
> ... Done correctly it will go a long way in developing him into a future business leader and successful adult.


I agree with all of the above.

My lawnmower is twenty years old, but it looks brand new. Over the years, I have replaced the engine with a factory-new, higher horsepower version, and the wheels with the better ball bearing type. I keep the engine maintained and well tuned, and the blade sharp as a razor and perfectly balanced. It is sort of a "hybrid", and a joy to use.

I wouldn't lend my mower to ANYBODY!

What I would do to encourage an ambitious stepson is find a good used mower and buy it for him, no strings attached. I'd show him how to get it in shape and keep it that way. After that, it would be totally his responsibility, and I wouldn't have to lose any sleep over it.

Small businesses in this country tend to fail at an alarming rate. One of the primary causes of this is a lack of understanding of the TOTAL costs of doing business. This includes the cost of supplies, materials, equipment, and the cost of maintaining that equipment. Charges for all goods and services must cover total costs, and leave a reasonable profit. If not, you must raise prices. If that's not possible, you're in the wrong business.

The sooner a budding young entrepreneur learns this reality, the better.

Another upside here might be that the game-playing son might become jealous of the stepson's growing bank account, and get off his lazy a$$.


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

I see no reason why he can't learn the value of a dollar by doing this. My dad let me use his lawn mower until I could afford my own, I paid for gas and oil changes. The deck rusted out before the engine went kaboom. I now own a successful part time business and I work my a** off all thanks to the hard work of mowing lawns.

He ought to be proud of him instead of being a slug.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I'm conflicted on this one. The Husband / step dad is being pissy. Complaining about little things. I see that he really likes his mower and takes good care of it, but it's a $200 mower. I haven't owned a mower that cheap in a decade. I have a small lawn. But hey if there is child support and you are young maybe 200 is quite a stretch for your family. Few kids can make enough money to start up on their own. the experience is something the parents can't buy for them.

At first I thought I would just go out and buy a $300 mower for the son, but then I thought why attack the husband what you want to do is enlist him and get him on son's side. If the Son is going to continue with this business, (and his customers will come looking for him next year) He should get equipment, and learn how to care for it. And how to handle the money in his own account. These are ways your husband could have a positive influence. and why not get that new mower for your Husband, (thinking fathers day) and have him sell the used one to your son. Make the payments / cost something he can reach.


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

LadybugMomma said:


> I'd ask your H point blank what his problem is regarding your son using the lawn mower. I mean geesh! He expects the young man to get a job then he cops an attitude because he does! And I'd also say something about his son sitting around doing nothing while yours is expected to work.


Hubs probably doesn't know himself. This could just be stirring the pot.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Justinian said:


> I may be able to explain the H's emotional place. It's called being an anal-retentive "tool nut". I too suffer from that syndrome (mania?), many men (and some women) do. Those who are not afflicted with this syndrome will never understand.
> 
> Over the years, I have amassed an incredible collection of tools, they are my pride and joy. People who don't properly value tools won't (or can't) take care of them. As a rule, I won't lend my tools to anybody. I make no apologies for that. It beats the anger and frustration of having them returned abused or broken.
> 
> ...


^ THIS ^ every word of it.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Would your husband let *his *son use the lawn mower to earn money?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If it's his mower then that's that. If it's a mower that was paid for out of joint money then it's not his mower to claim.

If it's his mower you need to get your son his own mower. Personally, I would make it a gift. Think of all the money he's earning that you don't need to give him since he's earning his own. I am sure that such a thoughtful son will recognize the value of such a gift, and you don't have to worry about repayment. Maybe it won't be in cash, but then again you are giving him a gift he can really appreciate, not just about money, but about refusing to get sucked into arguments about things and money, and how to be tolerant and create a peaceful home.

If such problems keep recurring in different and more troubling ways, you may want to reconsider the place you call home.
But if it's just about the lawn mower and your H's reluctance to share it, then you have not made a mountain out of a molehill.

I don't let my kids use my vacuum cleaner. I think it's because if something happened to it, I would fall behind in my housework while I was getting it repaired, and since that's a visible thing that I pride myself on and would bother me if the floors were dirty, I get not wanting to risk a mower and the upkeep of the lawn. 

I lent my bike out once and it came back damaged...fortunately I got it repaired, but still, it hurt. I won't lend it out again. It's a way of protecting myself from feeling irritated if someone should damage it again, even inadvertently, I know I would be peeved, so won't go there. Same thing with moving, I hire professional movers to move, because if someone I know were to damage my stuff, I would be peeved, but not able to show it. I would have to be cool about it. Easier not to let friends touch my stuff I know I care about.

If someone says no about something, don't go there! Trust that they have their reasons and judge them by their general character. Almost everyone on the face of the earth is neurotic about something, I'm sure of it.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Buy the kid a mower, reward his initiative by investing him him, $150 is a small price to pay for recognition of motivation. And as soon as he gets busy kick lazy son off the couch and tell him he's now working for his step brother.


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## Kraquin (May 6, 2016)

I can understand your H's POV. Most kids aren't very conscious of the value of things and have a different perspective, usually marginal, on what taking good care of something means. This is a good teaching opportunity if it applies.

Other than the other constructive responses already offered I would say to ensure your son is not using the mower on a day when your H plans to mow unless you want to see a human roman candle.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Holland said:


> Would your husband let *his *son use the lawn mower to earn money?


His son would be happier to have "Virtual Lawnmower v 4" for his XBOX. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Buy your son a used, good condition mower and let him pay it back by cutting your grass for X amount of times. Your hubby's mower will not get used and hubby can go play the X-box with his son. Problem solved and empowerment given.


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## LadybugMomma (Apr 28, 2016)

Acoa said:


> I wouldn't bother asking the H to explain his problem with the son using the mower. It's obviously coming from an emotional place. Asking him to explain it is just going to create more tension.
> 
> I would tell him that his attitude about the mower is sending the son mixed messages. Ask him to be more encouraging. Maybe offer to help him set up a budget around the business. It's an opportunity to teach the boy how to run a business, including keeping the books. It will also show the son how much of the cost of the mower is coming out of the household budget compared to how much it's used at home.
> 
> ...


I agree with the son needing to understand the importance and cost etc of using the home lawn mower. The H though, is making a scene about it right in front of the boy. In my book, that's not acceptable. If there's a problem with something my child is doing, I'd expect my H to discuss it with me, in private, not make the child feel like crap. Then after he and I discussed the situation and came up with a plan, we address the child in an adult like manner.


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## LadybugMomma (Apr 28, 2016)

Tortdog said:


> Hubs probably doesn't know himself. This could just be stirring the pot.


It's a possibility, but I feel if it isn't addressed it could escalate. What will H be jabbing at SS about next?


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

LadybugMomma said:


> I agree with the son needing to understand the importance and cost etc of using the home lawn mower. The H though, is making a scene about it right in front of the boy. In my book, that's not acceptable. If there's a problem with something my child is doing, I'd expect my H to discuss it with me, in private, not make the child feel like crap. Then after he and I discussed the situation and came up with a plan, we address the child in an adult like manner.


This was something that I noticed as well. Why is the H talking about the boy like that in front of the child? I mean, it's a good thing he has a job. Why not discuss this in private to come to a solution and then present it to the child? He's a teen. He should be treated as such, not scorned for doing good. The H should know better.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

It's probably reasonable for your son to pay for the gas he uses but expecting a 15yo to pay for the capital depreciation of wear and tear on a mower is going a little far to say the least. He deserves to see the benefits of going out and doing something, not to get snowed under with business issues otherwise he might see the benefits of sitting playing video games like his stepbrother!!

Maybe later if he does more then he might have to consider buying himself a blower or trimmer and again don't over complicate it. If he does have to do that getting him reading online reviews and deciding whether cheapest really is best or if he might spend a little more and get something that lasts would be a really good exercise for him but a return on investment analysis is probably uncalled for. 

However at the moment you H is being an a**, and it isn't his mower anyway. Since you are married it's your mower also, he should have considered "yours" and "mine" before getting married!!


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Started mowing lawns when I was 9. 
Dad told me since it was his mower and gas he got 10% 
" it's not all profit son, there is a cost for running a business " . 
Thought he was being a jerk but was very surprised when I got my drivers license . 
He had been putting all that money back for me so I could get a car . 
IMO a $200 mower is nothing to get in a huff about. 
Would be different if it was a $3000 zero turn or something.


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## Kraquin (May 6, 2016)

WonkyNinja said:


> It's probably reasonable for your son to pay for the gas he uses but expecting a 15yo to pay for the capital depreciation of wear and tear on a mower is going a little far to say the least. He deserves to see the benefits of going out and doing something, not to get snowed under with business issues otherwise he might see the benefits of sitting playing video games like his stepbrother!!


A little perspective ........ it's a lawnmower, not a fleet of tractor-trailers with their own maintenance department and logisticians. Lawnmowers are fairly durable and require little maintenance over their lifetimes. Having him put a little back for "depreciation" also enforces the need to take care of your possessions lest you're constantly having to spend that set-aside for parts or whole new machines. It won't hurt him.


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

Cooper said:


> Buy the kid a mower, reward his initiative by investing him him, $150 is a small price to pay for recognition of motivation. And as soon as he gets busy kick lazy son off the couch and tell him he's now working for his step brother.


The lazy stepson doesn't get to use your H's mower. Actually that mower was probably bought with marital funds, so it is your mower, too.

IamSomebody


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## Lofeshort (May 9, 2016)

Since you had to mention that his son plays video games all day, I assume there are some issues around the step kids and how they are treated. Anyways, I just bought a lawn mower after breaking two of them. I spend a lot of money on a good one. I wouldn't let your son borrow mine either lol. 

Nah , jokes aside, he was probably mad about HOW the conversation went. My wife has a tendency of pissing me off when she says things cause it can be condescending. Or in front of the kids. My stubborn ass just turns stupid and I ended looking like an ass.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Justinian (Mar 7, 2015)

WonkyNinja said:


> ... However at the moment you H is being an a**, and it isn't his mower anyway. Since you are married it's your mower also, he should have considered "yours" and "mine" before getting married!!


This isn't exactly how it works in my marriage.

We have always been a totally "50/50" couple over our 40+ years together. All of our earnings, inheritances, investments etc. have been tossed into one pot. Everything is in both our names.

However, that doesn't mean that we each can't also have possessions that we can call our own. We both have both used "marital" funds to purchase those items. 

Of course we each have our own cars, I have my tools (including lawnmower) plus many "man" toys, and my wife has her expensive photographic equipment (hobby).

We respect each other's personal property, and neither of us would would lend out any of it against the other's wishes.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Justinian said:


> This isn't exactly how it works in my marriage.
> 
> We have always been a totally "50/50" couple over our 40+ years together. All of our earnings, inheritances, investments etc. have been tossed into one pot. Everything is in both our names.
> 
> ...


I do agree with you, especially when it comes to delicate, expensive and easily breakable stuff such as photographic equipment.

But I think objecting to a 15yo who is showing initiative using a lawn mower is pretty stingy. I'm assuming that it's not some multi-thousand dollar ride on of course.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

OP
IMO your husband is a moron. he should be cheering your son on.

what would I do? Buy you son an awesome mower way nicer than your husbands.......

then tell your husband he better not dare touch it.

maybe two people can learn a lesson here.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

happynconfused said:


> My son (15, husbands stepson) has gotten some lawn mowing jobs. He had a few last year but has gotten more this year. My husband is freaking out because my son has to use our lawnmower to do these jobs. I on the other hand think its great that my son is working and earning his own money. My husband has a son (same age) that doesn't do anything but sit on his video game all day. We argued last night about the "wear and tear" this is going to have on the mower. I told him there is nothing we can do about that, and he said hes the one that will have to replace it if something happens to it. I reassured him that my son will save money and help him if needed. He sais "yea sure". I told him my son will put gas in it. He then told me "forget it, don't worry about it". He had an attitude about the whole thing. I just don't get the real issue. He was the one that said my son should get a job, now that he has one, its a problem. He even said it in front of my son. He said "who's mower are you using?" Made him feel like any job he gets is going to be an issue. Am I wrong here? Or is my husband being ridiculous?


Do you work outside the home? Are a lot of your husband's earned dollars going toward raising his stepson?

I usually side with step parents, having personally experienced the hell of being one with a spouse who put me last, but your H sounds really petty, selfish, and out of whack here. 

If that kind of describes his personality in general, then you may have married a petty, selfish man and this is to be expected. But if this behavior only applies to your son, I would try to dig deeper with your husband and see if he has some ongoing resentments regarding your son that he's not expressing or that you're not taking seriously.

If what you typed is 100% of the story though, and you work, tell your H that you will replace the lawn mower if necessary but you THOUGHT the two of you were married and had merged families and resources.

Maybe he just resents not being asked first. Maybe he does not feel appreciated by your son and felt taken for granted with the lawn mower. It's still pretty petulant though.


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## Justinian (Mar 7, 2015)

WonkyNinja said:


> But I think objecting to a 15yo who is showing initiative using a lawn mower is pretty stingy. I'm assuming that it's not some multi-thousand dollar ride on of course.


At this point, I probably have over a thousand dollars invested in my lawn mower. I admit to being kind of a fanatic about my lawn and garden, and all the tools involved. I find it enjoyable and a good way to relax. I guess most of us have some indulgences.

As I said earlier, if I was in the same situation as the OP's husband I would buy the step-son a lawn mower in decent shape, no strings attached. I wouldn't invest too much because there's no way of knowing how long he'll mow lawns before finding a better gig. He sound pretty ambitious.

Having his own mower would put an end to the issue for everyone.




WonkyNinja said:


> ... But I think objecting to a 15yo who is showing initiative using a lawn mower is pretty stingy.





WorkingWife said:


> ... I usually side with step parents, having personally experienced the hell of being one with a spouse who put me last, but your H sounds really petty, selfish, and out of whack here.
> 
> ... Maybe he just resents not being asked first. Maybe he does not feel appreciated by your son and felt taken for granted with the lawn mower. It's still pretty petulant though.


From what we've been told here we really don't know much about the husband's motivation.

If he's just being a selfish, petty jerk, that's NOT acceptable.

If he has different standards for the treatment of his own kids verses the treatment of his step-kids, that's NOT acceptable.

However, if he just takes a lot of pride in his possessions and doesn't like to lend them out, I think he's entitled to be that way. 

Once again, get the kid his own lawn mower, problem solved.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Justinian said:


> From what we've been told here we really don't know much about the husband's motivation. ... Once again, get the kid his own lawn mower, problem solved.


Good points. I think it comes down to - Is this how the husband acts toward the step child all the time (indicative of a bigger problem) or is it really just about the lawn mower. Adults are entitled to have their "things" and want to keep them nice.

Regardless, the way the husband went about it sounded snively. A direct approach stating the true objection would have been better. Of course, who amongst us always reacts the best way possible to everything...

PS I had no idea anyone was into their lawn mower! You must have quite the setup - I wouldn't want the kid using that either.


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## Justinian (Mar 7, 2015)

WorkingWife said:


> Good points. I think it comes down to - Is this how the husband acts toward the step child all the time (indicative of a bigger problem) or is it really just about the lawn mower. Adults are entitled to have their "things" and want to keep them nice.


I've never had a step-child, but I did grow up as one.

My stepfather favored his own children at every opportunity. Worse yet, it seemed to be important to him to rub my nose in it. I always felt like an undeserving outsider.

I wouldn't wish that on anyone.





WorkingWife said:


> PS I had no idea anyone was into their lawn mower! You must have quite the setup - I wouldn't want the kid using that either.


There is a wide range in price and quality for lawn mowers.

Gasoline lawn mowers for home use can be purchased new for a few hundred dollars. These days, they are mostly made of plastic and have very basic engines. They are made for once a week mowing of just one yard.

At the top of the scale, mowers made for running all day, every day are mostly made of steel, have heavy duty commercial engines, along with other heavy duty components. They can cost many times more. When used for just one yard these mowers can last a lifetime.


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