# Help me understand my fiance



## gr8one (Sep 4, 2012)

My fiance is a wonderful guy. He is kind and treats me well. His one flaw, is a lack of ambition, or at least what I see as a lack of ambition.

He left his job to begin his own company after we had been dating a few months. I was supportive of the decision, and continued to support him as our relationship progressed. He does bring in money, because he works from home and has little business expenses beyond taking clients out for initial meetings, etc. - but his work is few and far between. He spends much of his day around the house waiting for jobs to be thrown his way by friends/family/former clients. 

Three years later, we are engaged and set to marry next month. However, his business is still unsteady - work few and far between. I know my fiance loves me, but I am starting to question whether he is marrying me for love for whether he is marrying me because he wants a "roommate", "someone to take care of him", and my income/health insurance. I feel like I am practical business decision more than a "I can't live without this girl". Sometimes I think if he loved me more, he would put more effort into seeking jobs and making his business successful. I don't understand how it feels to own your own business, but I am old enough to weigh my dreams against my reality. I want a family, I want my husband - but I also need to support my family with money, not the dream of a company that doesn't seem to be coming together the way he planned it would be (easily and without hard work).

Can someone shed some light on what he might think in this situation?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

It seems he’s totally failed the massive fitness test of being the provider. It’s very doubtful that marriage will actually change him in the positive. He may step up to the plate if you get preggers but that seems very far from guaranteed.


I don’t think there is anyway you should get married feeling as you do. You sound like you think he’s a failure, which if true or false and you marry him you’ll be betraying not only him but yourself as well and you’re setting yourself up for a whole lot of resentment and passive aggression.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You should postpone your wedding.
A man's ability to earn a living is massively important in a marriage and family.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Hicks said:


> You should postpone your wedding.
> A man's ability to earn a living is massively important in a marriage and family.


^ This. Just explain that you don't think the marriage is right until he is more established in terms of income.

Let him decide whether this means stepping up his business or getting back into a regular job.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

If I'm reading it right after only three months of dating he quit his job and let you support him. Man or woman I would have concerns about someone who did that. I would assume they were looking for a meal ticket all along.


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