# Are they dumb or just emotionally handicapped?



## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Have to ask another thread here today about a WS cheating again after a year or so after Dday.

Are they just that dumb cheat once my radar is already up because I don't trust you so I am going to be looking for any changes in your attitude, deleting of electronic info every change is inspected and scrutinized what did you think you could hide from me?

Or are they so twisted they can't help themselves?

You begged for a reconciliation, cried for days about how you "hurt" me, apologized for your wrong doings and then you cheat again.
Sympathy for a 1st time cheater maybe a 2 time offender you should get hit by a bus and taste your own blood you f*cking low life you don't deserve to breath air.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

It's because they never meant the apology the first time. They are acting like a classic cake eater. He wants a relationship and a piece on the side. Reconciliation has to be more than saying sorry. It involves both parties going to therapy and making changes in the relationship and their interactions. Otherwise all it is lip service.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

love=pain said:


> Are they dumb or just emotionally handicapped?


Yes.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

I do check up on my wife( not as much as before, but I know where she is at and who she is with always she calls me daily sometimes from that person's phone or her work line when she is coming home) and I am more in tune to those changes in demeanor most cheaters have. For her to try to cheat would be almost impossible let alone the dire consequences it would have, absolutely no R for a 2nd offense and I would tell the kids everything as I will not take any blame for a 2nd time her problem not mine.
I just don't get cheating a 2nd time and so soon after the first makes it even worse, I know it means they never wanted to R just wanted to eat that big slice of cake but really it's crazy.


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## lostmyreligion (Oct 18, 2013)

They're like dogs lapping at a puddle of antifreeze - it's soooo sweet and tasty they can't stop themselves.

And yes, they're too stupid to understand that it blinds and kills.....


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

love=pain said:


> I do check up on my wife( not as much as before, but I know where she is at and who she is with always she calls me daily sometimes from that person's phone or her work line when she is coming home) and I am more in tune to those changes in demeanor most cheaters have. For her to try to cheat would be almost impossible let alone the dire consequences it would have, absolutely no R for a 2nd offense and I would tell the kids everything as I will not take any blame for a 2nd time her problem not mine.
> I just don't get cheating a 2nd time and so soon after the first makes it even worse, I know it means they never wanted to R just wanted to eat that big slice of cake *but really it's crazy*.


Yup, consider the source ( the WW), they aren't all there to begin with.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Oh, they want reconciliation, they want to remain married. Really, they honestly do.

But they just can't resist... "Awww, s*t! Now look what I did again!"

Let's look at it another way. Do kleptomaniacs really want to steal? No. But they just have to do it. Even if they don't need or want what they are stealing. And are risking their reputation.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

I'm not even worried about it. I knew the first time she cheated but just didn't believe it, it couldn't happen to me. Now I realize it could happen to anyone. I've told my WW everything she did to tip me off, even the stuff she didn't realize she was doing. She was pretty amazed at what I knew and for how long. I caught her in every trickle truth she tried to give me until she just quit. I truly believe she's changed and will never cheat again. Doesn't mean it couldn't happen. I've changed and have done everything I can to meet the needs she has that weren't being met and vice versa, so if she so much as even texts another man without me knowing about it, it's over and done. They'll be no yelling, no screaming or third chances I'll be gone.


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## Visionknower (Oct 14, 2013)

They are not dumb or confused, On the contrary they know exactly what they are doing. They know it is wrong cruel and pathetic and they simply do not care and may even actually enjoy it greatly. Getting a false sense of power and a duper's delight from being able to get by with deceiving and violating others is often a big part of how the cheaters mind and psyche works. It is all about getting their perceived needs met at the expense of anyone that gets in the way of these needs.

They know what they are doing and are not confused. Compartmentalization and low emotional intelligence or being close to void of normal human emotions is a part of how they engage in life. Indifferent abuse and violation of others manifest easily without the interference of a normal human conscious.


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

Define dumb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kotlarbia (Jan 17, 2014)

He wants a relationship and a piece on the side.


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## trendy44 (Jan 17, 2014)

I guess this would kind of be a poll. 

How common is it for a cheater to come back begging for reconciliation?

How common is it that the cheaters re-offend after reconciliation?


Give me your best guess based on experience and stories on this forum.


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## trendy44 (Jan 17, 2014)

Visionknower said:


> They are not dumb or confused, On the contrary they know exactly what they are doing. They know it is wrong cruel and pathetic and they simply do not care and may even actually enjoy it greatly. Getting a false sense of power and a duper's delight from being able to get by with deceiving and violating others is often a big part of how the cheaters mind and psyche works. It is all about getting their perceived needs met at the expense of anyone that gets in the way of these needs.
> 
> They know what they are doing and are not confused. Compartmentalization and low emotional intelligence or being close to void of normal human emotions is a part of how they engage in life. Indifferent abuse and violation of others manifest easily without the interference of a normal human conscious.


Best description I have ever heard. :iagree:


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

To your original question. It depends on the person. Some are both some neither and others any where in between.
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