# New Person with age old problem



## JJAC2005 (Jul 25, 2013)

Hello all....
Looks like I have stumbled onto a site that has a lot of information and experiences to help me along in my journey's.
I am coming up on my 1 year anniversary of being divorced.....and actually somedays are no-where-near being any better in my heart.
I am still very much in love with my ex....and I am searching for any advice on anything that might work to get me a second chance at a life that started out with so many happy hopes and dreams.

Background...married 7 years....together almost 8
No children together, but I helped raise her daughter from 8-15, and son from 4-12....son has had the hardest time with the divorce and is still reaching out to me.
My ex has just recently allowed limited contact with the kids....but that was cut back to as of this past Monday to not seeing any more of them the rest of the summer due to a missed communication in permission to have a lunch date.

Anyway....I'm here to learn....here to vent and regain control of my emotions.....here to find some success stories that will inspire me to stay hopeful in finding a path to another opportunity at a life with the family I lost.


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## JJAC2005 (Jul 25, 2013)

just wanted to add that my ex is in another relationship currently....
looks like it was starting at the end of our divorce and she basically wasn't single only a month or less, and its a long distance relationship as well, almost 2 hours between them and they see each other a few weekends a month.
I have done enough research to know that my ex falls into 2 major categories....a WAW, and Midlife Crisis
I have had a few really promising encounters with her, some of which I took as more than it was...due to her smile, her laugh and her body language...plus the conversation was a bit energized with a lot of flirtatious innuendoes....but still, I over reacted and was put back in perspective quickly, with walls going back up.
I guess I am looking for input on where and how to begin regaining trust, and interest in me as a person....but since she really knows just exactly how I feel in my heart, she keeps me at arms length.
my intention is to start a friendship, and move fwd, but she doesn't trust that I can just be friends, which at this point I have totally let the cat out of the bag with my hopes for a reconciliation.... But like I said, honestly, she has known my heart all along....and that I still love her!


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

I don't know if the 180 would work at this point given that so much time has passed and she really has no obvious need to maintain contact with you (no kids together, already divorced, etc.). With that said, whether you want her back or not, the steps you need to take are mostly the same. 

You have to start working on YOU. Focus your attention elsewhere on things like getting healthier (work out, eat better, let her and all other women see a brand new buffer you), your career (being highly motivated, confident and making more money are all attractive traits), improving your living arrangements (Fix up your house, make improvements, update the decor, keep everything clean and looking great), and definitely start meeting other women. Don't point out any of these goals or the steps you take to her directly. If she cares about you in the slightest, she'll notice. Heck if nothing else she'll probably notice your sudden lack of interest in her, which will naturally make her turn her attention to you just a little bit at least to see what's going on.

Women want to see a man who is well kept, financially secure, confident, motivated, able to stand up for himself and accepts reality and runs with it. In your posts, and I mean no offense, you come off as rather pathetic. I get that you love her and miss her, I totally can relate to that feeling in that moment, but you can push her away further by repeatedly focusing your life on her, her every word, her every smile/body language, wondering if maybe she's rethinking things or what not, or you can take active steps to win her back. (or improve yourself and find an even better catch along the way, you win either way!) You've come across to her as weak, desperate, and needy, which is an incredible turn-off and has forced her to wall herself and her kids off. I'm fairly certain she has restricted access to the kids because you have probably in some way, maybe only the slightest most hardly noticeable way even, sought them for help in winning her back. (Maybe asked them about her, tried excessively hard to win their love/support to turn them to "your side", asked favors of them, etc.) I'm sure there are issues that led to the divorce to begin with, but now you've created a new set of trust and attraction issues that have made it so that she probably can't even remember what the original issues were to begin with. Her new boyfriend can walk in confidently, feel no need to hang on her every word or smile, allow her the space to seek him out, etc. and present a dramatically more attractive choice comparatively. 

Again I don't say any of that to be mean or hurtful (though I'm sure it hurts, I'm sorry. I've been there) but to open your eyes a bit to what it sounds like you have been doing to your relationship with her. Women don't want sad pathetic puppy dog eye'd men. Go start dating. Like seriously, go set up online dating profiles, hang out with single friends or meet new ones, and just don't say yes to any and all social engagements as much as you can, and certainly don't hide the fact that you are either! Become a more desirable man, that's the bottom line.


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## Burned (Jul 13, 2013)

It's time to work on you, as much as you love your ex wife she isn't in that same place and you'll be the one left looking for signs that aren't there. Be strong for yourself!


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