# why wont he touch me



## isittoomuchtoask (Oct 8, 2009)

i have een married for about three years, and it has been an up and down trial the whole time. but most recently, he has completely lost interest in me. when i try to kiss him he backs away. when i try to cuddle with him he gets up and leaves, and when i try to initiate sex with him he pushes me off and makes some kind of excuse as to why he doesnt want to have sex. i know things arent great right now, he has been laid off work for 30 days, and we just bought a house that i am paying all the bills for now. but i still want to feel the love from him. i love him so much and now i cant help but wonder. i started to look in his phone, truck, computer and wallet and i keep finding little things that dont make sense to me. emails from girls that have the original message on it and he says that someone hacked into his computer. and he keeps his phone locked and on him at all times. if there is nothing to hide then why all the secrecy? and now he has a password on the computer too. i told him that i was doing this stuff because something just doesnt seem right wth us anymore. but he keeps telling me that im crazy. but emails and phone records dont lie, do they? i just want him to touch me and kiss me the way he used to, but it seems like its too much to ask from him. i have always been taught that if a wife wont give it to her husband, then he wil find it somewhere else, but what does the wife do when its the husband who wont have sex?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

If he has a desktop machine, buy a hardware keylogger. It goes between his keyboard cable and the system itself. You will learn what he's up to that way.

Of course, I have to ask if you've discussed the change with him and what his excuse is.

Look at the phone bill, too, to see if there are a lot of texts/calls to a certain number and then reverse lookup the number or heck, just call to see who answers.

BTW, when did this begin? How old are you? Did you have any issues with him being unfaithful in the past?


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Lack of information in your situation is difficult for me, also. Please elaborate.


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## isittoomuchtoask (Oct 8, 2009)

well, i have done the cell phone bill thing and called every number i dont know, most are inocent but others are still questionable. 

i try talking to him, crying to him, suggesting counceling, but all to no prevail. 

it all started about 2 months ago, and the thing is that we just got back together in april, so in my mind things should be great right now. im at a loss bc no matter what i do or say to him, i get nowhere other than digging myself a bigger hole. 

ive even tried the sexy outfits and heels, like last night, and still nothing but a big fight. its very emberassing for me to go to all the trouble to try and be "sexy" for him only to be shot down and feel like an ass hole for trying in the first place. 

im just so tired of waiting and wondering.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

isittoomuchtoask said:


> ive even tried the sexy outfits and heels, like last night, and still nothing but a big fight. its very emberassing for me to go to all the trouble to try and be "sexy" for him only to be shot down and feel like an ass hole for trying in the first place.


i really feel for you. ive been there. it is the worst feeling. 

i really think you should just back off. He's only going to hurt you more and more the more you try to make him be intimate with you. and kick him out.


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## Calypso (May 11, 2009)

You need to sit him down and have a good long talk. Maybe it's his lack of support in paying the bills that could be part of the problem. Then on the other hand if you found emails and text messages, the phone numbers. That could spell trouble if he is locking his phone, computer and things he is hiding something from you. That was how I started noticing things his phone was all of a sudden locked, opened up a secret email addy etc.... I looked up the phone bill and then did a search on the phone numbers. I was able to find out who they belonged too. Then started digging deeper until I uncovered it all. So either he comes clean with you or you have to decide where you want to go from there. Keep at it till you get the information you need. Good Luck


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## MMA_FIGHTER (Feb 2, 2009)

dobo said:


> If he has a desktop machine, buy a hardware keylogger. It goes between his keyboard cable and the system itself. You will learn what he's up to that way.
> 
> Of course, I have to ask if you've discussed the change with him and what his excuse is.
> 
> ...


if you really want to take it that far, thats fine, but you should go to wal-e world and grab a program called CYBER ALERT its mainly for keeping track of kids and it records screenshots, keylogs, dates times.....its very user friendly and it does show up on the computer as a program either so he would not find it anywhere. anytime the screen changes it takes a snap shot of it...its awsome...thats how i found our that my 14 yearold step daughter hates me and her mom.........and how her life sucks so bad and she cant wait to turn 18......we will see about that in three more years when reality sits in........mwah aha ha


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## Kayla (Jul 4, 2009)

Does he watch pornography? Is he having online chats with other women? That happened to me too. It was all of a sudden, just out of nowhere. I finally broke into his computer and bingo there it was.


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## 3773519 (Sep 24, 2009)

Amazing how men could push u away...Im having the same problem. Im in charge of all the bills, while he goes to school and doesnt work. I try to dress up and intiate sex but nothing..Only ive been getting the "im tired" excuse for some time now...i know u want to fix things, and if u feel the need to then thats fine, but both of u need to want to fix it..


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## MMA_FIGHTER (Feb 2, 2009)

3773519 said:


> Amazing how men could push u away...Im having the same problem. Im in charge of all the bills, while he goes to school and doesnt work. I try to dress up and intiate sex but nothing..Only ive been getting the "im tired" excuse for some time now...i know u want to fix things, and if u feel the need to then thats fine, but both of u need to want to fix it..


trust me, i would never tell YOU that im tired......if that was the case, ill find a way not to be tired


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## empulse (Oct 22, 2009)

He does not love. Probably would have left but the job situation means that you are his soft landing right now. I have been the guy in that situation. Probably he wants to cool off to room mates but fears you will take it hard. He may still want to be your friend.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

At the very least, there is something going on. If a significant other is lying to you, it is definately a bad sign. Obviously I do not know you, nor do I have a list to consult, but it all sounds like an affair is in progress. Whether there is or not, you need to make preparations concerning this situation, as it is certainly not pretty, sadly, to say the very least.

Good luck to you, as I see that you need that, and hopefully things will work out in your best interest.


(((HUGS))) to you!


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## isittoomuchtoask (Oct 8, 2009)

thank yall for all your advice. sometimes i just need someone or something to talk to, this helps.


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## akmm (Oct 22, 2009)

Hey, I'm in the same situation. The difference is, he's not doing anything with anybody, including me. I really don't believe that he is cheating since his first wife left him for another man because he lacked passion towards her. Why did I marry him? Because we had that passion when we first got together. Like you, I've become humiliated having to ask for sex. The only time we kiss or touch is when we are getting ready to have sex. If I try to lay on the couch with him, he acts like he's uncomfortable. I've even sat on top of him, kissing him, only to not be able to turn him on. He refuses to go to a medical doctor or counseling. I pay all of the bills, handle everything that needs to be handled- even remind him when to pay child support. The stress of all of that is overwhelming. Then to have to sleep alone (literally- because he sleeps on the couch) gets old. I don't know what to do. 

As hard as it might be to find out, if I were you, I'd have to continue looking until I found out what was going on with your husband. It's better to know now, than after you have a child together.


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