# Things my gf said...



## golazen87 (Jan 1, 2016)

We are both in late 20's and together for little more then a year. 
So last night we were out celebrating new year and she was drunk... I heard her say some stuff that really made me think.

She was talking to one of my friends and i do not know the whole story but she said that her priorities are like that *'girl friends FIRST, boyfriend (me) second'*... the thing is that i actually figured that out pretty soon into relationship and thought she needs little more time to fall for me but it hasnt changed much. For an example - there were many occasions when she rather spent her time with her girl friends (having drinks or a ladies night out) then with me.The other thing that hurt me much worse is that she said to my friend that she wants to have a baby in the next 2 years and *Im gonna be a father or someone else will be. *

I mean after hearing this I feel like Im completely unimportant as a person/boyfriend - just a mean to her end, just a tool for her desires... And we have never even discussed topic like that before.
And from time to time im feeling and Im pretty certain that she doesnt give a s**t what i want, my desires and wishes are unimportant and disposable... 

Are those statements in your opinion strange or am I overreacting? its like she is settling for 'mr good enough' and is not really into me as a person - But its important for her to have a relationship and have me playing a role of a boyfriend on display for her family and friends when it suits her... and dont ask me about the sex. she is not into it and Im getting it like twice a month (we do not live together). In my opinion its that or she is just plain selfish? Beside that she is affectionate with me when we are together - she often initiates dates (when it suits HER of course), hand holding and kissing.

Any experiences regarding this topic?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You're an idiot if you don't move on. Your girlfriend is immature, selfish x 100000000, and does not love you.

I'm holding back on what I'd like to say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Well, I think you know now what your New Years resolution should be.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

OP, maybe she is realist with what she has to deal with.

Playing the victim is not going to fix the problem.

What is your plan?


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## golazen87 (Jan 1, 2016)

Duguesclin said:


> OP, maybe she is realist with what she has to deal with.
> 
> Playing the victim is not going to fix the problem.
> 
> What is your plan?


i dont understand, elaborate please!


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

It sounds like you may just be filling a role for her, like she just wants a husband and you seem acceptable.

But you should definitely ask her about this when she's sober. Tell her what you heard, and ask her what it meant. She may confirm your suspicions... but you may find out that she's frustrated about something in your relationship and was drunkenly venting about it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Twice a month sex when you're DATING? That translates to twice a year married. Really? You're good with that?
Just move on. It matters not what she says. Look at what she DOES.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Wrap it!! Wrap it!!! Wrap IT!!! Don't take any chances fathering offspring with this one!!!

If your priority is lower than the girl friends, you will be lower yet when the baby comes along.

In her mind, you are simply the sperm donor, and a never ending supply of money. As soon as she finds Mr. Muscley McHardon, you will simply be the revolving credit for kid's care & support.

If she has no more respect for you than this, make your New Year's resolution to be to get in shape, find a hobby or pastime you enjoy, (with someone NEW).


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Her body is late 20s. Her mind is stuck on 14.

Did you overhear the conversation or was this a report from the friend?

Because sometimes a friend is not really a friend when it comes to affairs of the heart. And I have had experience of this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golazen87 (Jan 1, 2016)

it was me who heard it... 

to @FrazzledSadHusband who suggested getting in shape...
im athletically build at 195 cm, 100 kg at 10% body fat... i get attention from other girls but with this one i have a hard time getting her in the bed... so i dont get it. 
i always take time for her and i can say that im good and caring bf.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

golazen87 said:


> i dont understand, elaborate please!


I assume you want to stay with her long term. So what is your vision in the long run?

She does not seem very impressed with you. Does it make her problem or yours?

You can get out like others are suggesting, but if the problem is with you, don't you think you would want to fix it before going into another relationship?

So my question, what are your goals? Does she know them? Is she OK with them?

She is talking about kids. Are you OK with that?

A guy who knows what he wants in life will get a girl to follow him, not the other way around.


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## ducrider (Sep 24, 2013)

Get rid of her, imagine being married to that person for years, it will only get worse
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

golazen87 said:


> it was me who heard it...
> 
> to @FrazzledSadHusband who suggested getting in shape...
> im athletically build at 195 cm, 100 kg at 10% body fat... i get attention from other girls but with this one i have a hard time getting her in the bed... so i dont get it.
> i always take time for her and i can say that im good and caring bf.


OK. So please tell us how she is? Loving and caring or not?

My wife makes such hurtful remarks. When she is sober.  But it is a part of her being ASD. Is your GF ASD?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

golazen, have you ever really thought about what feels AWESOME as a man?

Now, your results may vary, but, thanks to testosterone, you probably like to feel like you have a list of accomplishments to show for your efforts in life.

Throwing the winning TD pass in the Superbowl feels AWESOME, but the closest most of us will ever get is watching "our" team's QB do this.

For most men, their greatest accomplishments come down to having a family that loves and respects them. A woman that appreciates him. Children who look up to him.

A woman he adores. Children he cherishes and guides, and takes quiet pride in their accomplishments.


So it sounds like you have a woman you adore. I say that, because you are still around after what she said.

But, see, you don't have a woman who adores YOU. This woman is not going to make you feel awesome. She is not going to make you feel like a great husband. She will not celebrate your triumphs, or appreciate your efforts to build her a comfortable life. She will find fault in any achievements, and no matter what you bring into the relationship, she will always want more, and complain that you didn't provide it.

When life hands you lemons, when things aren't going great (and there will be times in life when things will not be going great), she won't be there to support you, to inspire you to get up and go try again. She'll tell you that she always knew you were a weak failure.


I recommend that you find a woman who likes you so much that she wants to have sex with you more frequently, and wants to have YOUR babies. But, if for whatever reasons you elect to keep this one and marry her, there are several other men who will have dodged a bullet, and will owe you a debt of gratitude that they will never know about.

This is an important decision for you to make. Think carefully, man.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

OpenWindows said:


> It sounds like you may just be filling a role for her, like she just wants a husband and you seem acceptable.
> 
> But you should definitely ask her about this when she's sober. Tell her what you heard, and ask her what it meant. She may confirm your suspicions... but you may find out that she's frustrated about something in your relationship and was drunkenly venting about it.


A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Just get out before you are reduced to a sperm donor and a child support paycheck to this woman.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you want to be the number one priority in someone's life, I'd suggest you get a dog.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Just because YOU love and care about someone, doesn't mean they have the same feelings for you. Find one that loves YOU!

How often do you like sex?

If more than twice a month, it's obvious you are chasing the wrong rabbit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* @golazen87 ~ Feel fortunate that she is only your girlfriend; she could be your wife!

Lose her like a bad habit, and just chalk it all up to experience! 

Let her be somebody else's heartbreak!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.


True. But it would be wise to find out if she feels this way about the whole relationship, or if she's unhappy about a part of it in particular. I've heard similar things said by women who felt the relationship wasn't moving fast enough, or that their boyfriend wasn't as dedicated to them as they would like.

The sex is definitely a red flag. But I wouldn't recommending walking without at least asking her why she said these things. Really, I think he should ask even if he's sure he's going to walk.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

On the surface, it’s easy to say dump her. But I think that something a bit deeper might be going on here. She might not be selfish. She might think that your relationship is going nowhere.



golazen87 said:


> *'girl friends FIRST, boyfriend (me) second'... *


I can see that attitude at the beginning of dating. But you two of have dating for over 12 months. It should have shifted to you being the priority now. Unless she does not get the feeling from you that she is your priority.



golazen87 said:


> she wants to have a baby in the next 2 years and *Im gonna be a father or someone else will be. *


What this tells me is that she does not think that there is any hope in your relationship being long term. She does not think that you want a serious long term relationship. That’s what she wants… marriage (or a long term relationship), children and a family. It’s not that you are disposable, it’s that she does not think you two have the same goals in life.

You cannot fault a woman for wanting children and wanting them earlier in her 30’s instead of later in her 30’s. Pregnancies will be harder on her the older she gets. And she is right. If she wants children, and you have shown no interest in children, you might not be the man for her. Nothing against you or her. It's a fact.

You say that the two of you have not even discussed children, after 12 months together. That tells me that you are not interested in marriage and a family. The purpose of dating is to find out if the person is a good match for a long term relationship and marriage. So in the first 12 months a lot of very important topics should have already been discussed. But I guess you are not thinking long term and she knows it.

Have the two of you discussed marriage? What plans have the two of you made for the future? If she wants marriage and you just want to date, then your life goals are not the same. How many of the following topics have you two discussed.

Outstanding debt; Children; where you would live; Religion; how you will spend your money on things like household furnishings, cars, etc.; Dream home; Bank accounts and bill-sharing, Division of household labor, Sex, Family obligations, Vacations, Careers, Political leanings, and more….

15 Things Every Couple MUST Discuss Before Getting Married*|*Wendy Atterberry

On the topic of sex twice a month. The two of you are not engaged or married. You are dating. It sounds like some casual dating really if she is spending lots of time going out with her girlfriends. It also sounds like more casual dating since you two have apparently not even talked about important topics like children. 

How often do you see her in a month? Since you are not living together, how often are you alone with here in a setting where you can have sex? How enthusiastic is she about the sex that you do get?

I think that you should talk to her and tell her what you over heard. Ask her about it. If you want to take his relationship long term, you need to decide that and let her know. You two need to talk about things like children, etc. 

If you do not want to be married and have children, she is not the woman for you. (She is a woman, not a girl.)

If she is not into sex that much, she is also not the woman for you. Sexual compatibility is paramount in marriage.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

golazen87 said:


> it was me who heard it...
> 
> to @FrazzledSadHusband who suggested getting in shape...
> im athletically build at 195 cm, 100 kg at 10% body fat... i get attention from other girls but with this one i have a hard time getting her in the bed... so i dont get it.
> i always take time for her and i can say that im good and caring bf.


It could be that you ARE always there for her, therefore you are being taken for granted, and being set up for the inevitable I Love You But I Am Not In Love With You speech. You may need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

OR - as ELEGIRL posted, have you not given clear signals on what your intentions are in the relationship. She wants more, you just want FWB.

ps - EleGirl has some really good points in above post!


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Iin your 20s with no kids? Go date, the last thing you want is a lower sex drive partner. Nope, I do not care what crying commences. I mean, you already noted the low frequency of sex and that you are in shape. I know sex isn't all there is to a relationship, but go read a few threads in "sex in marriage" and I will always disagree it is "not that important." A year in and you are struggling to have sex? Go talk to the married people, men and women, who have been like that for a decade+ and ready to cheat, open their marriage or divorce.

This is why you date, to find out if you are compatible with someone. Yes, it hurts, but you two are not compatible.

Trust me, when the signs are in your face, heed them. The older I get the more a year seems like nothing.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.


Interesting.


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## golazen87 (Jan 1, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> On the topic of sex twice a month. The two of you are not engaged or married. You are dating. It sounds like some casual dating really if she is spending lots of time going out with her girlfriends. It also sounds like more casual dating since you two have apparently not even talked about important topics like children.
> 
> How often do you see her in a month? Since you are not living together, how often are you alone with here in a setting where you can have sex? How enthusiastic is she about the sex that you do get?
> 
> ...



We live 10 miles apart. We see eachother at least 3 times a week but 90% of the time is me who is driving to her town/place. When i invite her to come to me she has problems - got stuck with friends, got something more important to do, or needs some convincing to come. Im fed up. One time when we had an argument i brought that up and she got angry at me.

More details about sex:
She was clearly avoiding sex or any situation that can result into sex from the beginning of a relationship but at the same time wanted to see me, texting me I love you, inviting me to family events, friends bdays, etc. 

I confronted her many times directly/honestly about this. Told her its important to me, if anything is bothering her... i have always got no straight answers like everything is OK, but there is clearly an issue.

Talking has never helped. Things changed when i withdrew my attention and time - When I kinda lost my interest since she was avoiding sex but not ME, things changed for a few months but then it felt right back to the old pattern. its even worse now. i also made an experiment - didnt bring up a sex/sex topic for as long as i could - more then few weeks (i think it was almost 6 or 7) hoping she is gonna make a move or say something. Nada! she wasnt bothered! she didnt say a word! When i confronted her she said the lack of sex bothers her too, but she has put literally zero effort to actually change things which means she doesnt really care and is not honest with me at all. 



I want kids, but with woman who i feel is really into me, that i am important, not just when it suits her... but since the beginning i have never been a priority. there are at least 2 or 3 things that are more important then me anytime. and she doesnt hide it at all. but if she is not no 1 on my list she throws tantrums.


for example - i play national football league in my country. The home stadium is cca 10 min away from her home. she has never ever came to see me play. Like she doesnt give a damn. One time in the beginning she said she would like to come - when i invited her she got something to do/somewhere to go and that was that. And we had like 15 home games. She always knows when we play at home, but i only got a massage good luck or call me after the game or something... when i told her i would come to see her play even if she was into underwater hockey, because i would want to see her play, she responded 'i would come if it was closer to my home'... really? 10 min driving is too much too see your bf play? OK... just like its too much to came to my town (remember i drove to hers 90% of the time when we see each other).
And then i constantly notice my teammates gfs besides the field and always wonder why mine never shows... because of things like this i feel unimportant. 

so about sex i explained.... We talked about it many times... to no avail because there is some sort of a problem she is not willing to be honest about. everything is good there is no problem, and there is no sex - sometimes up to few weeks in a row.


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

Drunk people tend to be more honest. But they also tend to exaggerate.


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## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

unbelievable said:


> If you want to be the number one priority in someone's life, I'd suggest you get a dog.



So true. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She's a lemon. 

Give the keys back to the dealer and go find a better model.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

golazen87 said:


> We live 10 miles apart. We see eachother at least 3 times a week but 90% of the time is me who is driving to her town/place. When i invite her to come to me she has problems - got stuck with friends, got something more important to do, or needs some convincing to come. Im fed up. One time when we had an argument i brought that up and she got angry at me.
> 
> More details about sex:
> She was clearly avoiding sex or any situation that can result into sex from the beginning of a relationship but at the same time wanted to see me, texting me I love you, inviting me to family events, friends bdays, etc.
> ...


If this is what it's been like, then why have you stayed with her this long? I sure would not stay with someone who was like that.

By you accepting her behavior thus far, you have taught her that it's ok for her to treat you like this.

So end the relationship and move on.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you have aspirations of being a husband and/or a father, those are positions in which others get put first..all the time, every day. If there's a smidge of selfishness left in you, you aren't ready.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> If this is what it's been like, then why have you stayed with her this long? I sure would not stay with someone who was like that.
> 
> By you accepting her behavior thus far, you have taught her that it's ok for her to treat you like this.
> 
> So end the relationship and move on.


She is hot. This is why he is staying with her.


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## golazen87 (Jan 1, 2016)

Duguesclin said:


> She is hot. This is why he is staying with her.


thats about right...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

golazen87 said:


> thats about right...


_Then suck it up, buttercup . . . _


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

golazen87 said:


> thats about right...


How is that working out for you?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Dump her.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have been In this position married and dating. I mean your common sense is telling you she isn't the one here. Don't ever make someone a priority who is just making you an option. Time to find someone who can put you first


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## golazen87 (Jan 1, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> How is that working out for you?


Dont get me wrong I DO love her. But the fact she is cute and hot is also a factor - I just want to make it work somehow. Because things were actually pretty good after first six months.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

golazen87 said:


> Dont get me wrong I DO love her. But the fact she is cute and hot is also a factor - I just want to make it work somehow. Because things were actually pretty good after first six months.


Pre-marital counselling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

golazen87 said:


> Dont get me wrong I DO love her. But the fact she is cute and hot is also a factor - I just want to make it work somehow. Because things were actually pretty good after first six months.


Yep, premarital counseling.

Have those talks I mentioned (there are websites and books that help you think these things through and to come up with topics.)

And get the books: "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters". Read them. Have her read them next and the two of you work through the exercises together. 

If she will do that all with you in a sincere way, then she's probably a good catch. Girl friends act very differently and wives.

That's a question that you have not been asked... are you just looking to continue to date her? Or are you looking for something permanent... like marriage?


.


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## golazen87 (Jan 1, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> That's a question that you have not been asked... are you just looking to continue to date her? Or are you looking for something permanent... like marriage?
> 
> .


i will never marry because i know its a scam. 

A man simply doesnt get anything good/better out of it. If you love someone you dont need a piece of paper that can possibly f*ck you up for the rest of your life. but thats just my opinion. i took my dose of red pills some time ago. She has no desire to marry anyway because in our country its not as important to people / women as in USA but she definitely wants a child. So do I, and she knows this, but i told her when the time is right. right now she has a ****ty minimum wage job and im average at best. And she said that its not a big deal because she can raise him up by herself, just like her mother did (her and her sister), father left when she was little... I really dont want that our child would be a financial burden for mine or hers parents. they already did this job with us.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

"When the time is right" could mean anything. What makes the time right? Do the planets have to be aligned perfectly? Does it have to be raining gumdrops? This is a most vague and frightening answer any woman wanting children could hear from a SO.

At least you're honest with yourself, which is fine, but you also need to be honest with her.

If your girlfriend has a timetable (sounds like 2 years), and it doesn't match yours, then this relationship will never work. Either she will just get angry and resentful at you for not being on the same page as her, or she'll acquiesce and put off having a child to suit YOUR timetable. She'll end up in the same situation - bitter and resentful at you for her choice to stay in a relationship where she's waiting until the "time is right" for you, which is a completely unidentifiable and undefined event.

The best thing for you to do, the kindest thing you can do, the most honorable thing for you to do is to dump her, immediately. Let her go find a guy that wants a kid in ~2 years as she does and you go find a woman that isn't in a rush for children and can wait until you decide "when the time is right."


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

golazen87 said:


> i will never marry because i know its a scam.
> 
> A man simply doesnt get anything good/better out of it. If you love someone you dont need a piece of paper that can possibly f*ck you up for the rest of your life. but thats just my opinion. i took my dose of red pills some time ago. She has no desire to marry anyway because in our country its not as important to people / women as in USA but she definitely wants a child. So do I, and she knows this, but i told her when the time is right. right now she has a ****ty minimum wage job and im average at best. And she said that its not a big deal because she can raise him up by herself, just like her mother did (her and her sister), father left when she was little... I really dont want that our child would be a financial burden for mine or hers parents. they already did this job with us.


Sad.

If your girl friend ever finds a guy who is willing to commit to her, she will be gone. But because she is hot, guys are just going to want to use her. And she is probably going to become a single mom, like her mother.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

golazen87 said:


> i will never marry because i know its a scam.
> 
> A man simply doesnt get anything good/better out of it. If you love someone you dont need a piece of paper that can possibly f*ck you up for the rest of your life. but thats just my opinion. i took my dose of red pills some time ago. She has no desire to marry anyway because in our country its not as important to people / women as in USA but she definitely wants a child. So do I, and she knows this, but i told her when the time is right. right now she has a ****ty minimum wage job and im average at best. And she said that its not a big deal because she can raise him up by herself, just like her mother did (her and her sister), father left when she was little... I really dont want that our child would be a financial burden for mine or hers parents. they already did this job with us.


At, a PUA type. 

Just let her go.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

golazen87 said:


> i will never marry because i know its a scam.
> 
> 
> 
> A man simply doesnt get anything good/better out of it. If you love someone you dont need a piece of paper that can possibly f*ck you up for the rest of your life. but thats just my opinion. i took my dose of red pills some time ago. She has no desire to marry anyway because in our country its not as important to people / women as in USA but she definitely wants a child. So do I, and she knows this, but i told her when the time is right. right now she has a ****ty minimum wage job and im average at best. And she said that its not a big deal because she can raise him up by herself, just like her mother did (her and her sister), father left when she was little... I really dont want that our child would be a financial burden for mine or hers parents. they already did this job with us.



And you wonder why you're not a priority? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

golazen87 said:


> She has no desire to marry anyway because in our country its not as important to people / women as in USA but she definitely wants a child.


You should have started your post with this point. Instead, you made it gender specific and some are going going to blame you for making her wait for marriage.

When you meant you wanted to wait for kids, which is very smart.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> At, a PUA type.
> 
> Just let her go.


Naw, PUA's don't stay with one woman who's giving them lousy infrequent sex. OP is in love. Really. He says so.

So, despite your very short and pithy recommendation here, I find myself torn.

At first, it seemed like the relationship was terribly mismatched. And in light of the new information OP has provided, breaking up with his hot GF seems like it would be best for both of them.

But, is it? OP wants children, but lacks the fortitude to marry a woman and do it the old-fashioned way (the way that benefits the kids the most).

He wants love, fidelity, and devotion, but isn't mature or secure enough to formalize a relationship (to balance his side of the scales).

Were one so inclined to judge, it would be an easy call to make that he has "failed to launch."

And he is dating a woman who treats him as if he has...... failed to launch.

So, actually, it seems like the reason he is still dating her is revealed- he is being treated as he thinks he deserves to be treated.

With all respect, I don't think he needs to break up with her. He can just keep doing what he's doing, and she'll take care of the breaking up for him.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

golazen87 said:


> there were many occasions when she rather spent her time with her girl friends (having drinks or a ladies night out) then with me.


You want to know if you should stay with her? Can you afford a PI? Have him get a little cell video on a night that she's out with the pack. I can GUARANTEE you it will be an education.

Fun with the girls (and boys you are pretending aren't part of those nights). Cuddly and wholesome with the paycheck. And it won't stop after the babies. I know that for a fact.

Good luck.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You would make great husband material.

But I'm guessing here ....your chick has someone else in mind for a lover...some one who has the confidence to take what they want. So her attraction to bad boy types might not make for good father/husband material, she still has you to fill that roll no matter if you are the father of her future kids or not.

So I'm thinking that maybe you are the guy that fits the bill to take care of her babies and pay the bills but not the guy she lusts for. So with that said, find a women were you can meet all the requirement of being a great lover and good provider and you will have a women that only wants to be with you and only you 24/7, naked, willing, and COMMITTED!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Satya said:


> "When the time is right" could mean anything. What makes the time right? Do the planets have to be aligned perfectly? Does it have to be raining gumdrops? This is a most vague and frightening answer any woman wanting children could hear from a SO.
> 
> At least you're honest with yourself, which is fine, but you also need to be honest with her.
> 
> ...


Not to be argumentative, but some might think his leadership in waiting for the time to be right --- after they have decent paying jobs and a good schedule to raise a family, would be a good thing. 
Having crappy minimum wage jobs is NOT the right time to have a baby. He did say he wanted one, too. And here in the US, a marriage license is pretty much a cash and prizes award if a divorce takes place since the courts are so slanted towards women. 

I don't see what he wrote in the same light others see it in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Evinrude58 said:


> Not to be argumentative, but some might think his leadership in waiting for the time to be right --- after they have decent paying jobs and a good schedule to raise a family, would be a good thing.
> Having crappy minimum wage jobs is NOT the right time to have a baby. He did say he wanted one, too. And here in the US, a marriage license is pretty much a cash and prizes award if a divorce takes place since the courts are so slanted towards women.
> 
> I don't see what he wrote in the same light others see it in.


They have never discussed the topic of children apparently. So it would seem that he's not letting her know of his great leadership. And she's not letting him know that she wants a child.

From the sounds of it, they need to do some talking.

He does not live in the USA.


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## golazen87 (Jan 1, 2016)

Duguesclin said:


> Sad.
> 
> If your girl friend ever finds a guy who is willing to commit to her, she will be gone. But because she is hot, guys are just going to want to use her. And she is probably going to become a single mom, like her mother.


yes hot ones have the hardest lives. just lol...

cant believe of some of the comments. i just became the bad guy for wanting to found out if woman im dating is actually the one for me - the way she has been treating me from the beginning - why would I be so eager to have a child and settle down with a person like that??
If relationship was great im on the board. thats what i meant saying when the time is right! along with being financial stable. Both of us, because im not intending to be a slave. But i ll not jump into the depths hoping she will improve down the line because i know people dont get better after some time together - they got worse. Generally speaking, man became a tool as soon as she gets whatever she wants from him (marriage, kids, moving in) - i have seen it and heard it many times.

And i see/hear many people saying how their gf/*wifes locked their vagina access and throw the key gods know where as soon as a baby was born and now husbands are trapped, sexless and miserable . of course someone is says im just after sex but guess what? every honest man will tell you thats our nature and we are programmed that way. its not just about busting a nut, we also get emotional needs met through sex as well / feeling loved and cared for - something many women never figure out. 

i do not want that for myself and i think the way things are in our relationship this is exactly whats about to happen. As soon as she gets what she wants - ie child, moving in... ill be nothing but a tool and be found nowhere on her list of prioritis and then she will move on to other greener places. And right now she wants her cake and eat it to - having girls nights out, partying for weekends rather then spending night with me, barely having sex...you get the idea. is this the way a grown woman act when she is on her way to have a family and settle down?? i think NOT! Maybe she should get pregnant with one of her girl friends and have child with them.

here i explained to ya.

tnx for answers


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She may not be the one for you. Or for anyone, really, perhaps. 

She is looking for a Prince not an equal, is my guess.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golazen87 (Jan 1, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> She may not be the one for you. Or for anyone, really, perhaps.
> 
> She is looking for a Prince not an equal, is my guess.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


not to mention... she was dating a guy for 2 years (a few years before me). I do not know him personally but I know who he is because its a small town.
im perfectly straight man and i can tell you he is a very good looking guy - model like face but he is not very tall - around 5 foot 7. he is a personal trainer with a great body and is successful - he runs his own fitness courses/programs. One time girl friends were talking about him and my gf said he is a good guy and she wishes him all the best. When i asked her why they broke up she said HE WAS TOO NICE we did not function together. I also figured out she was making fun that he is short - not directly but i got that.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

I'm sorry. I'm a little slow. 

You're dumping her, right? We all agree that is necessary, right?

Everything's good.

Right?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

If you stay with her it will only get worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

golazen87 said:


> i asked her why they broke up she said HE WAS TOO NICE we did not function together.


The other things she said were terrible, too, but this ^^^ tells you everything you need to know. She wants a bad boy and will never be happy w/anyone who treats her well. Trust me, you'd be much better off w/out this woman in your life.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Not to be argumentative, but some might think his leadership in waiting for the time to be right --- after they have decent paying jobs and a good schedule to raise a family, would be a good thing.
> Having crappy minimum wage jobs is NOT the right time to have a baby. He did say he wanted one, too. And here in the US, a marriage license is pretty much a cash and prizes award if a divorce takes place since the courts are so slanted towards women.
> 
> I don't see what he wrote in the same light others see it in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't find that comment argumentative at all! Quite valid. And I actually know exactly where you come from.

I'm seeing this from a few angles, but what I wanted to put forward is her possible view.

Him - he wants to wait for marriage until the time is right, which for him means more financial stability (according to his post and what I interpret). He is doing things smartly and is calculating.

Her - she has a biological clock that is ticking. She has an impatience that is not taking reasonableness into account. She knows what she wants, when she wants, but she may not have put the logical thought in to determine whether her timetable is realistic with her current living/work/earning status. This to me is a sign of her immaturity and her biology taking the driver's seat. Will it lead to a good decision? It's not for any of us to say, but right now it seems to be what she wants.

Him (outcome) - He will commit to waiting to have children until the time's right. Until then, he may work toward getting a better job or may encourage her to find better work, save money, move to a better location, etc. He may expect that if she's on board with this, she'll make the efforts expected to build a "better" life for a forthcoming child. This will take time, patience, and determination on both their parts.

Her (outcome) - She will acquiesce to waiting, not really sure of precisely when in her life she can expect to start trying with him for a baby. As time goes on she may get tired of the constant efforts for a goal that has no determined "end date" in the future. She'll grow resentful, maybe slowly, stresses of finding new work, a better life, a more stable environment, etc., may grate at her. It's never the right time, how much longer will this take, etc. Then, much as I loathe to suggest, she might become really bitter that she's wasted her time.

The above are just possibilities, so what do I actually know?

Basically, I feel that neither are wrong. They just aren't going to be compatible in the long term because of their different places in regard to wanting children.

I try to see things in a very fair, well-rounded manner, but occasionally I like to play a bit of devil's advocate. Men really don't understand the often illogical and drive-based desire for children. There's a reason women get this when they're young. They're meant to have children when they're at their "best." Damn logic and whether there's a stable job and income. It just is. At 23, I wanted children so strongly, I can't begin to explain in a sensible why why that was. My ex H and I were pretty poor at the time. I just knew what I wanted.

Women don't understand men's desire to work to create a stable/optimal environment for providing. Men can (usually) see the recklessness of having a kid when there's not a solid foundation for that child to be well provided for. If they're smart, they don't give in. It doesn't make them wrong, just perhaps wrong for a woman that wants something sooner.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

OP, you've never made it into her priority list. If you've been dating 12 months and you're only seeing each other 3x a week- and you are reasonably close geographically- the message is clear: She is not that into you. A woman who is really into you would want to be spending much more time with you within a few months. 

What you heard her say was probably the truth, because her actions back it up. She doesn't care much if she sees you, she won't make the effort to do it. Most of the time she prefers to hang with her girl friends, they are higher on her priority than you are. She wants a kid but ultimately expects that she'll be on her own, so it doesn't really matter who ends up donating the sperm. Maybe you, maybe someone else, eh. She doesn't expect much of you in this aspect. She is not looking to you for a real, solid relationship. She is not a woman in love, that's for certain. 

To be honest, I think your bigger lesson here is to watch what someone does, more than what they say. You heard the words, but what your description of her actions is what makes her words ring true.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

golazen87 said:


> yes hot ones have the hardest lives. just lol...
> 
> cant believe of some of the comments. i just became the bad guy for wanting to found out if woman im dating is actually the one for me - the way she has been treating me from the beginning - why would I be so eager to have a child and settle down with a person like that??
> If relationship was great im on the board. thats what i meant saying when the time is right! along with being financial stable. Both of us, because im not intending to be a slave. But i ll not jump into the depths hoping she will improve down the line because i know people dont get better after some time together - they got worse. Generally speaking, man became a tool as soon as she gets whatever she wants from him (marriage, kids, moving in) - i have seen it and heard it many times.
> ...


Well then, she's not a woman you should be with. You are breaking up with her, right?

.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

golazen87 said:


> yes hot ones have the hardest lives. just lol...
> 
> cant believe of some of the comments. i just became the bad guy for wanting to found out if woman im dating is actually the one for me - the way she has been treating me from the beginning - why would I be so eager to have a child and settle down with a person like that??
> If relationship was great im on the board. thats what i meant saying when the time is right! along with being financial stable. Both of us, because im not intending to be a slave. But i ll not jump into the depths hoping she will improve down the line because i know people dont get better after some time together - they got worse. Generally speaking, man became a tool as soon as she gets whatever she wants from him (marriage, kids, moving in) - i have seen it and heard it many times.
> ...


Your girl friend has a very low opinion of men. She probably believes that she will end up a single mom like her mom. 

Your attitude only reinforces that opinion. She treats you like sh!t and you stay with her because she is hot. She knows that. She is smart.

If you truly love her and want her to change, you need to man up and take care of her. Or you need to get out and find a girl that will take care of you.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

You are the luckiest man in the world today. She has told you what you need to do: Dump her immediately.

And whatever you do, don't get her pregnant!


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Good thing you are ONLY one year with her. Dont waste your time any more.

Let this be your school my friend. 

Also be prepared for her TALK when you dump her. She will try to come back and she will tell you all the things you want to hear. She will promise you anything trust me.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She sounds like she could be anyone's gf. Really, anyone will apparently do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

golazen87 said:


> i took my dose of red pills some time ago.


If this ^^^^ is true…..



golazen87 said:


> father left when she was little...


…..then this ^^^^ should have been an early warning signal to you.

This relationship is doomed as she was damaged early and deeply.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Seriously? The only positive thing you have to say about her is she's cute and hot. That's it. From everything you say it doesn't even sounds like she likes you all that much. At best it sounds like she's willing to let you be a hands on sperm donor, but even then it sounds like she's more than willing to replace you with the next Joe Blow she runs across. You mean that little to her.

And you're wondering what you should do?? Come on dude, stop thinking with your little head, use some common sense, and stop wasting your time. And DO NOT KNOCK HER UP!

Sent from my SM-G900P using Tapatalk


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## Liten (Mar 17, 2015)

I can just agree with everyone else who has commented: leave her and find someone else who wants to be with you.

Some people just aren't wife/husband material. This relationship you are in will just get worse and worse.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

golazen87 said:


> it was me who heard it...
> 
> to @FrazzledSadHusband who suggested getting in shape...
> im athletically build at 195 cm, 100 kg at 10% body fat... i get attention from other girls but with this one i have a hard time getting her in the bed... so i dont get it.
> ...


Guess what, dude? You are, too.

Read this book and then come back and tell us what you've learned: No More Mr Nice Guy.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Duguesclin said:


> Your girl friend has a very low opinion of men. She probably believes that she will end up a single mom like her mom.
> 
> Your attitude only reinforces that opinion. She treats you like sh!t and you stay with her because she is hot. She knows that. She is smart.
> 
> *If you truly love her and want her to change, you need to man up and take care of her.* Or you need to get out and find a girl that will take care of you.


I can agree with a certain amount of what you wrote in the thread, but not all of it. OP most definitely is only sticking around because she's hot. Let's face it, would this girl be such a challenge if she was average looking - or even ugly? 

I disagree 100% with what I put in bold. You never, ever stay with someone hoping to change them - nor should you take it upon yourself as a challenge to change someone to your liking. Dating is a job interview. Love is critical, but not the only factor to consider. You have to find someone that best aligns with your values. In some ways, the OP is in a lose/lose situation with a few people on this thread. If he dumps her, he wasn't "man enough" to tame the hottie. If he sticks with her, he's only doing it because she's a hottie. Why not view it as simply being those 2 aren't compatible. OP is not naturally assertive when it comes to romance. It doesn't it make him less of a person than a more assertive person - he just needs to find a match that is compatible with who he is. I hate the alpha and beta labels, but there are plenty of women who seem to have great relationships with guys who are more on the beta side. 

Why play games?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

K.

In my younger days I dated quite a bit. 

Here's the thing about hot girls who have little else going on and are banking on their hotness -- they are actually quite insecure and sometimes like to make their boyfriends insecure to make them feel better.

That's what she did. And lo and behold -- you're insecure.

Here's the other thing about hot girls who have little else going on -- they're never worth it. And kinda boring at the end of the day.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

He's gonna' ignore us all and marry her.


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

If you do dump her (and I think you probably should), you might want to give some serious thought to what you're bringing to a relationship other than your own physical attraction.

I'm not saying that you're offering nothing - I don't know either way. But if you want to attract a quality woman, you'll have better luck if you're a quality man. Your general attitude about women and marriage will set you back a bit... stable, reliable women who make good mothers usually don't dig the red pill attitude.


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