# How can I tell how she really feels?



## Devastatedman (Nov 28, 2011)

I recently discovered that my wife was having an emotional affair with someone she had known in childhood. She was planning on making a solo trip to visit a high school friend who lived in this man's area. She planned to also spend time with him and determine whether she would come back and announce she was leaving me. I became suspicious and found out from her Facebook account which she left easily accessible. I confronted her with it and she said it was because I wasn't showing her enough affection and she felt unwanted sexually. In examining my behavior I have to admit that I
have been as physically affectionate as I should be and I believe a fertility problem has had an effect on my sex drive. My drive has recently increased and I believe I may finally be getting over a depressed state that had an impact. Unfortunately not soon enough to have prevented my wife a lot of pain. After confronting her she initially still wanted to take the trip but I told her that if she did I was through. She then agreed to cancel the trip because she "didn't want her decision
made in that manner". She has had no further contact with him and says she is numb as far as her feelings towards me, yet she has wanted to make love three times, I have woken to find her curled up tight against me. She also has shown other little signs of affection despite her claims to be numb. I have told I now understand the pain I caused her and want to change. I guess my big question is which is a better indicator of her true feelings; her words or her actions?
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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

I'd say her actions. although that includes the action she took in contacting this man. Seems that action reveals how she deals with dissatisfaction- dishonestly and passive/aggressively.
Your wife has given you a window into her true character. She may be able to change , but you should be clear that her decision to cheat is all about her own character and coping mechanisms.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

*Her actions, ALWAYS.*

Notice how after you stood up to her and told her you were through with her if she went to see the OM to have sex with, that she changed her tune really fast? It's called manning up and you did an excellent job of it. Keep it up.

You might want to click on the links below, especially the one titled 'No More Mr Nice Guy' and download a free copy of the ebook from Dr Robert Glover. You would benefit greatly from it.


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## Devastatedman (Nov 28, 2011)

Arnold said:


> I'd say her actions. although that includes the action she took in contacting this man. Seems that action reveals how she deals with dissatisfaction- dishonestly and passive/aggressively.
> Your wife has given you a window into her true character. She may be able to change , but you should be clear that her decision to cheat is all about her own character and coping mechanisms.


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## Devastatedman (Nov 28, 2011)

I probably should have clarified that her initial communication with this man was basically just as friends at first. I also neglected to mention an incident where I had to take her for emergency medical treatment and acted like it was a total imposition hurting her deeply. I also had recently
insulted her beliefs. The EA was definitely wrong, but I am not completely blameless.
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## Devastatedman (Nov 28, 2011)

morituri said:


> *Her actions, ALWAYS.*
> 
> Notice how after you stood up to her and told her you were through with her if she went to see the OM to have sex with, that she changed her tune really fast? It's called manning up and you did an excellent job of it. Keep it up.
> 
> You might want to click on the links below, especially the one titled 'No More Mr Nice Guy' and download a free copy of the ebook from Dr Robert Glover. You would benefit greatly from it.


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## Devastatedman (Nov 28, 2011)

As I told my wife, I couldn't have any self respect if I allowed her to go and still wanted to work out the problems. I
have taken responsibility for the pain I caused and expect her to do the same. If I accept her actions as indicative of her true feelings them it seems she isn't too in touch with them consciously.
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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

You are lucky to catch her before she consumated her relationship with OM. Get MC and work on your marriage. You taking this hard stance was the right move. Kudo to you.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

morituri said:


> *Her actions, ALWAYS.*
> 
> Notice how after you stood up to her and told her you were through with her if she went to see the OM to have sex with, that she changed her tune really fast? It's called manning up and you did an excellent job of it. Keep it up.
> 
> You might want to click on the links below, especially the one titled 'No More Mr Nice Guy' and download a free copy of the ebook from Dr Robert Glover. You would benefit greatly from it.


I agree with morituri. You need to change the way you interact with her. Check out the link he mentioned. I changed my approach with my wife and I still cannot believe the positive developments in my marriage. You have an opportunity to fix things here, take advantage of it.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Good luck......if you want and desire her as a wife and lover...fight for her, pursue her, seduce her, date her, love her every day for the rest of your life!
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