# Texting/Email Emotional Affair?



## XBrandfonbrener (Aug 16, 2012)

Hi Everyone,
This is my 1st post here, not usually a confessional type of guy. My wife who I love greatly has been getting into emotional texting/emailing with a guy she works with.

They both work for the same state agency -- my wife's in the eastern Mass area and he's in the western area. You could say it's just texting but there's a lot of it and also once in a while they meet for professional reasons so I'm concerned about what happens then.

They are both married, and he's a supervisor for a DMH office, which makes this all the more weird.

Any advice? Any way to get to the bottom of this?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

How did you find out? 
What do the emails and texts contain?Work talk or other stuff?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

1. find a way to read the messages to see what they are talking about.

2. find out about the guy's wife - and how to contact her directly if you need too.

3. get a copy of Not Just Friends and read it ASAP, then have your wife read it if you think she is spending too much time texting this guy.

4. Do not negotiate, do not let her tell you there is nothing to worry about- married men do not spend time texting other women unless they hope or are getting some kind of sex out of it in the end.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I created an online account for my husband's phone. This, even though I thought it was his work phone and paid for by work. Turns out it's subsidized by work (they pay him a phone allowance) but it's a phone entirely paid for out of our joint marital funds.

Verizon lets you do this, you just need the email that is associated with the phone. It will send an email to that account alerting that the online account has been created, but by then you'll have printed off the last 12 months' worth of bills (they delete them after 12 months, so print off what you can that is 'old') and for Verizon at least, each of the texts for the past month--NOT the words but the date / time / location that the texts were sent.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

AND as Shaggy says, get the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, you can read excerpts via google books in the link in my signature, but you'll see when you read the table of contents that you should get your own copy. It's pretty widely available at libraries too.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Go straight to the OMW (other mans wife), do not tell wife, just contact OMW and inform her about the amount of texting and your concerns and ask her for her support for both of the marriages.

Its that simple,

Now you will have an extra set of eyes to confirm that this thing stops before in turns into a PA.


Sure your wife is going to be mad cuz you just ruined her new relationship with her boyfriend.

You will get the "your controling" , "your jealous" , and "we are just friends"....your response must be consistant with " I'm protecting my marraige, and I will not control you, so it is up to you to except this protection or leave"


I know you don't want her to leave, but with out consequences she will continue. So whats worse sharing your wife or risking her leaving?


Be careful this kind of thing is addicting so it may go deeper under ground, be prepared to verify any commitment she makes to you. Most likely what ever source you used is now comprmised.

If you can some how not reveal your source that is best. If it not to obvious, you might be able to get away with telling your wife "it doesn't matter what I saw or what I heard or who told me...I will not share my wife" . Again these statement only work if she asks how do you know or what you know. Hell she might think you hired a PI. If you play it right you can tell her "you want the truth out of her own mouth/ her own words" this pluff might get you what realy happened when they met.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

What are these text messages? The others are right though, men don't spend a whole heckuvalotta time texting unless it's for a roll in the sack. Women, on the other hand will text their fingers off regardless and so will gay men. He may be gay but who knows?

I totally think you should tell his wife. Though I hate dragging an innocent person into a very painful situation, it would nip the situation in the bud pretty quickly. After all, what are you worried about? Your wife is going to be pissed off whether you confront her or him or his wife.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> Hi Everyone,
> This is my 1st post here, not usually a confessional type of guy. My wife who I love greatly has been getting into emotional texting/emailing with a guy she works with.
> 
> They both work for the same state agency -- my wife's in the eastern Mass area and he's in the western area. You could say it's just texting but there's a lot of it and also once in a while they meet for professional reasons so I'm concerned about what happens then.
> ...



Work affairs.....sigh.......

Her texting a married male co-worker about anything except work is inapropriate. Have you read the texts yet?


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

Emerald said:


> Work affairs.....sigh.......
> 
> Her texting a married male co-worker about anything except work is inapropriate. Have you read the texts yet?


You can also demand to see every text message and email exchange from when it started and into the future for however long you want. She can't hide them either because you will be comparing the phone bills. Make it impossible for this affair to happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

hotdogs said:


> You can also demand to see every text message and email exchange from when it started and into the future for however long you want. She can't hide them either because you will be comparing the phone bills. Make it impossible for this affair to happen.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree.

You have the power to stop this.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> 1. find a way to read the messages to see what they are talking about.
> 
> 2. find out about the guy's wife - and how to contact her directly if you need too.
> 
> ...


yes, yes, yes :iagree:


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> Hi Everyone,
> This is my 1st post here, not usually a confessional type of guy. My wife who I love greatly has been getting into emotional texting/emailing with a guy she works with.
> 
> They both work for the same state agency -- my wife's in the eastern Mass area and he's in the western area. You could say it's just texting but there's a lot of it and also once in a while they meet for professional reasons so I'm concerned about what happens then.
> ...



There's no need to stand on the sidelines and just allow this to continue. If possible you need to find out the content of these texts and emails. If that means taking a look at her phone in the middle of night so be it. A married woman should not be texting a married man to that degree. Sure it could just be nonsense texts but you need to find this out before confronting. If you don't you will just get denials. Once armed with knowledge you have the choice of going right to the OM's wife or confronting your wife head on and telling her to stop the nonsense.


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## XBrandfonbrener (Aug 16, 2012)

Hey guys,
Terrific responses everyone to this crazy situation!!!

The feeling right off for me was that this was wrong but you lose perspective when it's your own wife -- and I don't want to overreact. But all your opinions show me I'm OK taking this seriously.

I already sent a note to the guy she's writing to, but really I think they are still in touch and since they work together I don't know what might happen next.

I have not reached out to the guy's wife yet. That's kind of a big move, you know? But maybe I need to if they don't stop, or if I have got worries about what's happening "at the office"???

To answer some questions, yes I did see some of the actual texts on her phone but mostly I just saw how many texts there are. But the ones I saw were enough for me.

Hey, thanks for your input everyone, it does help.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

X, the thing is, if they are already involved, contacting him just alerts her, and they will be more discrete (secretive). At this point, he will have contacted her to let her know that you are suspicious. I think you should take the bull by the horns and talk to her about this. Be prepared for the usual minimizing and blame shifting that she may use to defend what she is doing. Just stay calm and firm. Tell her that you are concerned and hurt by her actions. That may actually lead to discussions which can improve your relationship. If she is really attached to this guy, they may take it underground and find other ways to communicate. Be alert to other red flags. I have never felt good about snooping on another person, but sometimes it's necessary, and I, like most of us on this site, have done it. I'm sure you'll find plenty of responses here that will educate you as to how that is done.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> I have not reached out to the guy's wife yet. That's kind of a big move, you know? But maybe I need to if they don't stop, or if I have got worries about what's happening "at the office"???


Why do you care so much about his marriage when he didn't care about yours?
His wife has the right to know and this man can't walk away so easily. 
Think about what he's doing with your wife.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> The feeling right off for me was that this was wrong but you lose perspective when it's your own wife -- and I don't want to overreact.


Please read No More Mr. Nice Guy. The Western world is littered with the bodies of husbands who didn't want to "overreact" to their wife falling out of love with them and leaving them for someone else before their very eyes. (We're NOT talking violence here, we're talking about being assertive about NORMAL marital boundaries.)




> I already sent a note to the guy she's writing to, but really I think they are still in touch and since they work together I don't know what might happen next.


 Oh, I did that too. But the thing is, my husband was ALREADY in touch with his affair partner. So I'm sure that this resulted in nothing more than a chuckle or two. Oh, and she changed her email address. I think that was about it...

OMs and OWs do NOT perceive you as a threat. That's because they're 100% sure you won't touch them in any way--you'd never call their spouse, and you'd never contact their boss, and you'd never do anything more than cast about empty posturing threats. They figure you can't make your spouse happy, but they sure can. They are very smug, and reaching out to them only reinforces this view.


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## NornIron7 (Jul 5, 2012)

I agree the two books mentioned by posters - No More Mr Nice Guy and Not Just Friends are worth their weight in gold.

Wish I'd come across them a lot earlier than I did.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Tell his wife


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

You need to tell his wife about your concerns. This will throw a major wrench in the works of whatever the two of them have going on.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> Please read No More Mr. Nice Guy. The Western world is littered with the bodies of husbands who didn't want to "overreact" to their wife falling out of love with them and leaving them for someone else before their very eyes. (We're NOT talking violence here, we're talking about being assertive about NORMAL marital boundaries.)
> 
> 
> Oh, I did that too. But the thing is, my husband was ALREADY in touch with his affair partner. So I'm sure that this resulted in nothing more than a chuckle or two. Oh, and she changed her email address. I think that was about it...
> ...





Prove them wrong. Don't just react, go on the offensive.


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## surfryhder (Aug 13, 2012)

Don't alert them anymore, go into fact finding more and see just how far it goes. I did not do that and I regret it!!! As I am always wondering how involved the OM and her were involved.


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## XBrandfonbrener (Aug 16, 2012)

Hi Fellows,
Been a couple of weeks and still not sure what to do.

Meanwhile i got an interesting message. Someone found this discussion doing a Google search and this person just happens to also be kind of associated with same agency as my wife and the guy she's texting with.

The thing is, this person is asking me to tell him who's been texting my wife. Hmmm...interesting situation. So should I say who it is or am I obligated to keep this secret?

Modern world of information folks!


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Wow that's interesting, could it be his spouse? Or could she be having multiple EA's with men at work? You need to figure out who you are dealing with before showing your hand...they could both be "setting" you up to see how much you know.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

There is not nearly enough information in your posts here to identify you. 'A government agency' is kinda vague, you know.

It has to be coming from either OM side or your wife's side. Insist on a phone call, take note of the caller ID.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> Hi Fellows,
> Been a couple of weeks and still not sure what to do.
> 
> Meanwhile i got an interesting message. Someone found this discussion doing a Google search and this person just happens to also be kind of associated with same agency as my wife and the guy she's texting with.
> ...


You are not obligated to keep this secret.

That being said, as others have pointed it, it might be wise to learn who is asking first before you reveal any information. Let the person know that you are willing to share, so long as you know who the person is that is inquiring.

Interesting development.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

X, I don't see enough information in your posts for someone to identify you. Something in this smells foul. You don't owe this person an explanation. You can't tell if he/she is an ally, a foe, or just a busybody. You don't know how they would use the info. Play the cards close to your vest and dummy up. Continue to monitor.


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## XBrandfonbrener (Aug 16, 2012)

Hey Again,
You know - I thought my first post didn't have much information either but then again I mentioned the state agency as "DMH." I also said he's in the Western Massachusetts office. So, there's only one DMH Western Massachusetts office I think. I didn't mean to reveal so much, or then again maybe I unconsciously did it on purpose - when I made the post I was pretty pissed off!

Funny situation this is. I wouldn't mind a message getting sent along the wire to this guy to quit what he's doing with my wife. But like some have said, maybe this person who wrote to me is a double agent!

Another thing I just noticed - Google "DMH and emotional affair" my post here on this forum is the second result! That's fast.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

[U said:


> I have not reached out to the guy's wife yet. That's kind of a big move[/U], you know? But maybe I need to if they don't stop, or if I have got worries about what's happening "at the office"???
> 
> To answer some questions, yes I did see some of the actual texts on her phone but mostly I just saw how many texts there are. But the ones I saw were enough for me..


I would really suggest that you reconsider that thought. You may not be strong enough to counter the decite thats going on and by his W knowing you can atleast have a mutual support. She does need to know and indeed she may even found out or suspect things are not right. Your not actually protecting her you excluding her from such vital information. It is a big move but you've seen text evidence of the relationship. She can work him her end whilst you deal with your wife. She may want to discuss the issue with you. I doubt I would have told the other guy first as he is already building war and peace of excuses why hes been texting a co working ( theres been problems at work dear and we're trying to sort them out between us) and every other untrue reason they can compile. 

Think it through please this lady needs to know what youve established and it could be that your wife is not the only lady in the OM life.......


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## XBrandfonbrener (Aug 16, 2012)

Hi Pault,
I know I know I know and I have come really close several times to just biting and calling the guy's wife but I get cold feet every time. Maybe I'm a nut but I have this idea she'll be pissed at me for calling.

Man I tell you going through this is freaking hell, if someone had asked me a year ago if I thought a "texting affair" could be so destructive I would have said "no, come on, it's just texting" but damn I have learned the hard way that it really screws with your mind.

Thanks to all the people here trying to help me through this.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> Hi Everyone,
> This is my 1st post here, not usually a confessional type of guy. My wife who I love greatly has been getting into emotional texting/emailing with a guy she works with.
> 
> They both work for the same state agency -- my wife's in the eastern Mass area and he's in the western area. You could say it's just texting but there's a lot of it and also once in a while they meet for professional reasons so I'm concerned about what happens then.
> ...


Here are the steps I would take:

1. Gather all email and text I could. And call the OM's wife and let her know.
2. Sit down with the information with your wife. Tell her what you are seeing is very disrespectful and while not a sexual affair that you can find, it is an emotional affair.
3. She needs to make a choice right now, you or him. She cannot have both and if she wants him there is the door. And let her know that you have outed the MOW.
4. If she choses you, she is to give you each and every password to all email accounts and her phone. She is to call or email him with NC. If via email then you must be CC.

Now you get to sit back and watch what she is made of. In the mean time, take care of yourself. Welcome to our rollercoaster.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Oh another thing....do not hide your feelings from her. If you are angry...be angry. Go ahead and cry in front of her. Sometimes they need to see the devestation to think clearly.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> Hi Pault,
> I know I know I know and I have come really close several times to just biting and calling the guy's wife but I get cold feet every time. Maybe I'm a nut but I have this idea she'll be pissed at me for calling.
> 
> *Man I tell you going through this is freaking hell, if someone had asked me a year ago if I thought a "texting affair" could be so destructive I would have said "no, come on, it's just texting" but damn I have learned the hard way that it really screws with your mind.*
> Thanks to all the people here trying to help me through this.


You say this but It seems to me that you haven't done anything to stop it.

If the above is how you feel than her getting 'pissed' doesn't matter.

Does it? 

You can't have it both ways



GO Pats


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> Hi Pault,
> I know I know I know and I have come really close several times to just biting and calling the guy's wife but I get cold feet every time. Maybe I'm a nut *but I have this idea she'll be pissed at me for calling.*Man I tell you going through this is freaking hell, if someone had asked me a year ago if I thought a "texting affair" could be so destructive I would have said "no, come on, it's just texting" but damn I have learned the hard way that it really screws with your mind.
> 
> Thanks to all the people here trying to help me through this.


REALLY!
A) If she is pissed off at you, that's on her. You are letting her know of a concern of yours regarding behavior that you feel is inappropriate. As far as you know her hubby has been more secretive and she is wondering what is going on
B) Why do you care if she is pissed off at you! You have done the decent and honorable thing.

Please quit acting like a scared little boy. You need to investigate further and sort out how far this has gone. What phone does she have? Are you ever at a point you canb access it? Does she use the home computer? Clearly you haven't read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Get on it! You're in the book.


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## XBrandfonbrener (Aug 16, 2012)

Hey All, I definitely appreciate the kick in the ass you are giving me! Like I said - this stuff really screws with your mind.

Giving it some thought and I think the reason it screws with you so much is because it's really intimate and private to text like that with someone, even more than talking on the phone. Because the texts are like these exchanges where someone can just be a "perfect lover" or something.

Maybe this is way wrong of me but I might as well say also that part of me is letting this continue so I can make sure I have enough evidence to really pin something on them. But that might be totally nuts, I don't know.

Maybe I'm not making any damned sense here.

Guess that's why I'm posting here!


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> Hey All, I definitely appreciate the kick in the ass you are giving me! Like I said - this stuff really screws with your mind.
> 
> Giving it some thought and I think the reason it screws with you so much is because it's really intimate and private to text like that with someone, even more than talking on the phone. Because the texts are like these exchanges where someone can just be a "perfect lover" or something.
> 
> ...


Letting it continue so you have "proof?" No, that isn't a good idea at all.

Here is what you need to engrave on your heart: it is WRONG and a breach of the marital vows for my wife to enter into a private, hidden relationship with someone outside the marriage. It is wrong for her to maintain intimate communications with that person to sustain the relationship. The end. 

Notice there is no mention of sex. 

She KNOWS it's wrong and hurtful and a betrayal--or she wouldn't bother keeping it a secret from you.

You don't need any other evidence--but I sense that you know that if you ask her to stop, she won't. 

And so you don't.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

XBrand;

Take it from one whose Wf has been in texting/phone long distance affairs for the last year. Call her on it!!! Use your anger and get mad. Don't lose it, just get mad and let her know it's crap.
Don't worry if she gets mad. She will. But you have a right to be mad, she doesn't. Don't let anything fool you.

By the way (as an aside), do you have her phone records? Is she on the phone a lot with this guy too? My Wf likes to play footsie by text too, but mostly by phone. My gosh, I can't beleive how charming and alluring she is on that damn phone and her chubby little texting fingers!


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## XBrandfonbrener (Aug 16, 2012)

To iheartlife - maybe it sounds bad but if I confront my wife on this I want to make sure she cannot laugh and say "Oh, we're just chatting.." I know though that what you're saying too make sense. I'm freaking confused.

To jorgegene - I am pretty mad, yes because this thing has gone on for a while now. She is not on the phone with him but I am pretty sure she sees the guy at work for "projects" of one kind or another.

Even though they see each other it's the texting that really gets to me for some reason.

I'm glad to have support here, and maybe this discussion can help other people in the same prickly situation.

Man, the texting thing goes to your brain.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> To iheartlife - maybe it sounds bad but if I confront my wife on this I want to make sure she cannot laugh and say "Oh, we're just chatting.." I know though that what you're saying too make sense. I'm freaking confused.
> 
> To jorgegene - I am pretty mad, yes because this thing has gone on for a while now. She is not on the phone with him but I am pretty sure she sees the guy at work for "projects" of one kind or another.
> 
> ...


Have you had a chance to take a look at the book linked in my signature--Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass? She was a nationally recognized researcher on infidelity, and her book is THE book when it comes to emotional affairs. It is very thorough and detailed, an absolute must read for someone who is trying to end their spouse's affair.

The link in my signature is to the google books excerpts but you will quickly see just from the table of contents why this is a must read. It's available at most libraries or you can request an intra-library loan.

But even more importantly, you really need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Have you read that yet? Let's just say that there is no way on God's green earth, if I were you, that I would tolerate my husband laughing at me over this. To be honest, if he dared to do such a thing over something so serious, I'd be tempted to rip him a new one. But more to the point--it would simply prove how incredibly disrespectful they were toward me. At some point that level of disrespect becomes abusive. You seem afraid of her--which suggests to me that she is possibly manipulative and controlling. Or, if she isn't, she takes full, maximum advantage of the fact that you give in to her every whim. That is no way to live.


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

XBrand, you sound a little whipped. You need to show your old lady you mean business. My experience, before texting was talking directly on the phone. When the conversation turned intimate, I went in for the kill. When they let you talk intimate, they'll let you get in their pants. Texting is no different. Your west mass guy may already know more about her than you'd be comfortable with. Remember, when they're texing other guys, it means the rather text the other guys than to text/talk to you.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> *To iheartlife - maybe it sounds bad but if I confront my wife on this I want to make sure she cannot laugh and say "Oh, we're just chatting.." I know though that what you're saying too make sense. I'm freaking confused.*
> To jorgegene - I am pretty mad, yes because this thing has gone on for a while now. She is not on the phone with him but I am pretty sure she sees the guy at work for "projects" of one kind or another.
> 
> Even though they see each other it's the texting that really gets to me for some reason.
> ...


Your'e confused because you are afraid of losing her. I get that.

I was you once and did not confront her stongly enough for fear of losing her.

But she may be gone anyway if it is an EA.

At this point your fear is driving you. And she can smell it on you.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Did you ever read the content of their messages ? How often did they text ? Was she secretive of the texting?


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> To iheartlife - maybe it sounds bad but if I confront my wife on this I want to make sure she cannot laugh and say "Oh, we're just chatting.." I know though that what you're saying too make sense. I'm freaking confused.
> 
> To jorgegene - I am pretty mad, yes because this thing has gone on for a while now. She is not on the phone with him but I am pretty sure she sees the guy at work for "projects" of one kind or another.
> 
> ...



Hey Xbran, 

The whole texting thing is very addictive. In the past two weeks I've had 2 different women that I associate with for work, start to flirt text with me. I have not reciprocated but...it is kinda exciting. I love my wife and am not interested in anyone else but I see how you could fall into this sort of thing even if it isn't meant to go anywhere.

At first I thought its like potatoe chips, "I'll just have one or two" 
But because it lights up your limbic system in your brain, the same as porn does, I now think its more like crack Cocaine for some people. 

I manage to respond with only work related responses. I pretend my wife is reading what I write as I write it.

When you confront, if she says we're only chatting, say that you want to see all of the texts from now on just to make you feel better. If its innocent she will let you see. If its not you will suddenly see a big drop off in texts because she will either delete them and deny, or she will curb it for awhile and keep it professional temporarily.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> To iheartlife - maybe it sounds bad but if I confront my wife on this I want to make sure she cannot laugh and say "Oh, we're just chatting.." I know though that what you're saying too make sense. I'm freaking confused.
> 
> To jorgegene - I am pretty mad, yes because this thing has gone on for a while now. She is not on the phone with him but I am pretty sure she sees the guy at work for "projects" of one kind or another.
> 
> ...


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

XBrandfonbrener said:


> To iheartlife - maybe it sounds bad but if I confront my wife on this I want to make sure she cannot laugh and say "Oh, we're just chatting.." I know though that what you're saying too make sense. I'm freaking confused.
> 
> To jorgegene - I am pretty mad, yes because this thing has gone on for a while now. She is not on the phone with him but *I am pretty sure she sees the guy at work *for "projects" of one kind or another.
> 
> ...


You are allowed to divorce your wife for no reason at all. You don't need proof of anything. File for divorce before you confront her. See if she laughs at that.

If you need more proof, hire a private investigator, put a voice-activated recorder in her car, keylog her computer.

You know she is having sex with him if they have physical access to each other. They are only texting in between.

Why are you not willing to confront your wife or take steps to end the affair, why are you content to just watch it happen? Is it really because you are afraid your wife "might" laugh at you and say it is only chatting?


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## XBrandfonbrener (Aug 16, 2012)

Dear Forum Members,
It has been a while since this talk started but let me send some "thank yous" to everyone who took their time to add support. Your support really did help in this very weird situation.

Since last fall there has definitely been some stuff going on between my wife and this other guy, I know but can't actually prove anything of course, I guess that's what "emotional affair" is all about. Damn though this hurts more than I would ever have said years ago.

Lately, I am sure it is getting more intense with them, I can just tell by certain ways my wife speaks and acts. It's just there and my job is to accept it at least for now, until I figure out a better way to get to the bottom of it.

Well, I just wanted to say this because people in this forum appear to understand what it's like.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

So, that's it?

You're sure something's going on but you'll just let it continue?

One of the reasons it's continuing is that you let it. 

Do you really want to be the third person in THEIR relationship?

Because that's what it is. Their relationship, now. You are just the extra part here.

Are you getting any? How's your sex life? Can you account for her time, after work, the weekend?

If you can't, you know what's going on. that it's gone into physical.

Even if it hasn't , yet, are you content with the status quo?

You like being the cuckold?

I would tell het to stop, or you will file. Unless, this is how you want to live the rest of your life. 

Unless it is OK with you. If you don't do this, you're telling her that her conduct is fine with you.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Good Grief,
You let it continue and did not inform the OM's wife and now you are surprised it is so intense? If the roles had been reversed would your wife had been such a doormat as you have become? I guess you just plan to wait into they are both sexually involved before you wish to speak up and actually say something to your wife. If you don't respect yourself then who will?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Wow unreal
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

You can lead a horse to water..........


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Your wife is having an affair, no doubt he is banging her brains out by now. You have literally done nothing? Have you not even read the other threads here. If you are this far behind what is going on, there is your reason right there she is looking for another man.

I would wish you luck but you need a miracle of epic proportions .


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Your wife is having an affair, no doubt he is banging her brains out by now. You have literally done nothing? Have you not even read the other threads here. If you are this far behind what is going on, there is your reason right there she is looking for another man.
> 
> I would wish you luck but you need a miracle of epic proportions .


Maybe he is into the **** life style I just don't get it but I'm not married to her he is.:slap:


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Hey knock it off. He did say he appreciated your support.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

X, you're going to BE an X if you continue to do nothing. You may already be, and just don't know it. 

You're welcome for the help (even tho I just read this thread today), but help is hard to give when the one asking for it doesn't Do anything about the effed up situation. 

What are your plans?


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Xbrand, you seem to have a really detached approach to all of this. Makes it hard to take you seriously. You write without any discernable human sentiment or emotion. It's like reading an Archie comic book.


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## I'm The Prize (May 22, 2012)

X, could you possibly be that naive? Do you really think that after all of this time and you "waiting to get proof" that they are just in an EA. REALLY? I know you said you appreciate the advice and yet you totally ignore it. Dude!!!!!

When I first found out about my FWH and his best friend's wife it was because of 700 emails and text in one week. 700!!!! All day and all night. While he was working and while he was supposed to be asleep. Any and every time EXCEPT when I was around (he worked night shift and so we didn't sleep at the same time). She was 800 freaking miles away and they still ended up having a PA less than a month after I found out about the phone calls. Your wife WORKS WITH AND SEES THE GUY ON A REGULAR BASIS!!!

I guess you think that as long as you don't have proof it doesn't exist. WRONG!!! You are being taken for an easy mark of a fool and you are acting as if it's true. Man up for Pete's sake. If you are doing nothing about it then you are like that idiot ex-best friend of my FWH who didn't fight it because there was something in it for him: getting rid of her. What is the deal????? I can't for the life of me understand. What the crap???:scratchhead:


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm The Prize said:


> X, could you possibly be that naive? Do you really think that after all of this time and you "waiting to get proof" that they are just in an EA. REALLY? I know you said you appreciate the advice and yet you totally ignore it. Dude!!!!!
> 
> When I first found out about my FWH and his best friend's wife it was because of 700 emails and text in one week. 700!!!! All day and all night. While he was working and while he was supposed to be asleep. Any and every time EXCEPT when I was around (he worked night shift and so we didn't sleep at the same time). She was 800 freaking miles away and they still ended up having a PA less than a month after I found out about the phone calls. Your wife WORKS WITH AND SEES THE GUY ON A REGULAR BASIS!!!
> 
> I guess you think that as long as you don't have proof it doesn't exist. WRONG!!! You are being taken for an easy mark of a fool and you are acting as if it's true. Man up for Pete's sake. If you are doing nothing about it then you are like that idiot ex-best friend of my FWH who didn't fight it because there was something in it for him: getting rid of her. What is the deal????? I can't for the life of me understand. What the crap???:scratchhead:


I'm thinking tr word or he's just yanking our chain jmo.


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