# Wow I Don't Know How This Happened But....



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

I had been grieving for 5 days straight after 3 and half months of separation and coldness, unreal pain and despair.

This am I had a talk w/STBXH about buying me out together with promissory notes, or renting the house out or I would be renting my side out. These were his choices.

Do you know it is 5 in the morning and he is wearing his wedding ring again. Then it dawns on me why I have felt so erratic and confused: he has been playing head games with my pain. Because I wouldn't ever deliberately hurt someone it never occurred to me that was what he was doing. I thought maybe he still cared for me, maybe he was as confused as me. No No No it was a big fat game.

I was able to look at him today for the first time with NO pain. I can't believe it is over and he helped get there by his vindictiveness. (together with praying for him; very difficult to do).

I know Iam going to be just fine and oh boy another new adventure! Wow what can I say....I put in a lot of work: IC, Group Therapy, 3 Meetings a day, Coda and sharing and sharing, crying, praying, this blog, journaling and it paid off!

Thank you everyone of you and Thank God....


----------



## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Excellent!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Thank you DelinquentGirl. I can't believe it I feel like that person " Oh Lord Free At Last". Who said that? A slave, umhumm very fitting. I was a slave for his love. Yuck.


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

LOLOL I believe it was Martin Luther King, Jr. ;o) But I get your meaning and it is very liberating when you realize that you have your mojo back and making the best decisions for YOU.


----------



## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

glad to hear you reached the other side. It is encouraging for all of us. Stick to your plan and get rid of him


----------



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Mojo like the movie "How Stella Got Her Groove Back", right.
Yes I have my groove back, my mojo, my IDENTITY. YAHOO!

I got a plan and I am gonna stick to it. 

I had felt stagnant, powerless (that is not like me at all) that I was in some kind of solitary confinement in this house. NOT so, got plans, got life!

I will keep posting because it is a rollercoaster but it is slowing down, now.

Again, thank you all for your help and support. It's funny how God/ higher power puts people in your life when you most need them and when they most need you.


----------



## troy (Jan 30, 2011)

Congrats!!!


----------



## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

Excellent progress, Sparkles. I think that pivotal moment arrives when we can look at our soon-to-be-ex and truly feel no interest. No pang of longing, no desire to be in that person's space, no need for connection. You are ready to let that person go. I'm getting there, but haven't reached that golden moment yet. I'm glad that you have!


----------



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Thanks solitude: I won't deny it, it was a real struggle. All of my life I have run from pain. Unable to do that this time. I think I needed to feel it to be more of a whole human begin and man did it hurt.

I still feel good. And you know what tells me I am truly moving on:

When I woke up this morning, he was not the first thought in my head. Halleuia!


----------

