# Wife is likely having an affair. I need help!



## Huskyfb40 (May 30, 2021)

My wife and I have been together for four years and we have a 1 year old daughter together. Our relationship was absolutely perfect... right up until she got pregnant. Then it was like somebody flip the light switch. She would purposely pick fights and push my buttons to prompt a reaction from me. For example, she got up and left one evening and disappeared for the entire night without saying a word. I had no idea where she went and when she came home the following morning I was furious. Rightfully so in my mind, but because of incidents like this she has labeled me an “emotional abuser.”

Six months ago, we had an argument which was so absurd I decided I would not speak to her until she apologized. Well we didn’t speak for 17 days straight which was detrimental. For the next few months we were basically roommates. We were barely getting along and there was no intimacy. I got up early for work one day and found her having a very inappropriate FaceTime conversation with her supervisor from work. This guy is ugly and 12 years younger than her. It really caught me by surprise. I told her I still loved her and wanted to make it work but she said she did not as too much damage has been done. This shocked me even further.

I basically reverted back to my old self when we first started dating and I was doing everything right trying to fix the relationship. It seemed to be working, however since my trust in her was destroyed I said the cameras in my house and put a GPS tracker on her car. One day I found her driving to various apartment complexes. When she came home she told me she was moving out. I begged her to stay to allow us time to work things out and I began seeing a psychologist for help. She was hell-bent on moving out. She also told me her supervisor was living in Washington and she had no idea when he was coming back. One week later, She went out on a Friday night. She shaved her vagina just before which she rarely does. She came home drunk and took a shower. Two weeks later she went out again. I followed her to the bar and watched her walk out with her supervisor who she said was in Washington and had no idea when he was coming back. You can imagine my fury as I can front of the two of them in the parking lot. Somehow I restrained myself from killing him And just kept it to a verbal beraring. He told me that she was not my property. An innocent person would have said wait a minute there was nothing going on with me and your wife but this guy was very confrontational instead.

I have also seen them looking at apartments together. I guess the short of it is, I don’t know if they slept together or not but it is very likely they have. Most nights I can account for her whereabouts as she is usually home. She does not seem to want to work on our relationship. She tells me I need to fix myself first. She makes excuses to justify her scandalous behavior so in her mind she is doing nothing wrong. She told me we were broke up which was absolutely absurd because we still live together. We were just going through a difficult time. I have been working with my psychologist trying everything in my power to save this marriage and I really feel I have been doing a good job. We have been getting along very well but anytime I try to get affectionate, she shuts me down. She says she is afraid of me and cannot trust me as she has certain the next time we have a problem I will just blow up like I always do which is ridiculous. I am a basket case and have no idea what the hell to do. Is there anyone out there who has been in a similar situation and was somehow able to save your marriage? Were you able to get your wife to stop the affair and work on the marriage? I guess I am praying to God for a miracle


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## GooGooCluster (Mar 17, 2021)

Speaking as a woman who’s been pregnant four times, pregnancy can be rough. While it’s no excuse to do what she did at all by disappearing, the mood changes have a biological reason. Progesterone and estrogen ramp up. Some women handle it well, others become either weepy or *****y, seems like your wife became *****y.

Her supervisor being ugly is neither here nor there. Maybe she began her feelings towards him because she was talking to him when you two didn’t speak for 17 days. You said the argument that led to that silence was absurd and you wouldn’t speak to her until she apologized. Did she feel that maybe you needed to apologize? Did both of you maybe need to apologize to each other? Did she know you weren’t speaking until she apologized?
She’s already looking for an apartment. While you can hope she doesn’t go through with it it would also be a good idea to go ahead and lawyer up. Protect yourself and your child, because if she’s as horrible as she sounds she will either want to keep your child from you OR she will be all in with the new guy and want weekend visitation with you having primary custody.
Also good on you for keeping it together when you caught the two of them together. Especially when he said she’s not your property. She’s not, but what an immature thing to say.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Well, you are where you are because you have allowed it. You have put your dignity and self respect in front of her. In the name of love (fear) you are allowing yourself to be blamed for everything. Accepting everything, and trying desperately anything in order to save the marriage.

It is time by now that you learn that women do not respect weak pathetic males that do not have a spine and are nothing but a doormat. The more this type of males pursue the more the woman run away. Why? Because to women a man like this is repulsive, they want a strong Alpha male that makes their fluids run hot.

You have been nothing but a beta male to this woman, no wonder why she has not respect, and only contempt for you.

Dude: kick her the curb. Do a DNA paternity test on the child to ensure that its yours.
Serve her with divorce papers already. What are you waiting for? Don't be that pathetic weak beta male crawling for a hand out.

Your problem my friend is fear..yes you are afraid of losing her. News for you: YOU ALREADY DID. So, be a man and DTMFA.


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## Huskyfb40 (May 30, 2021)

Thank you. Yes you are absolutley right. I handled rhe beginning of this very poorly. The 17 days was my fault...i never should have let it go that long. I began drinking heavily to deal with the stress which only made things worse. I have acknowledged my mistakes and apologized to her profusely and how vowed to fix these problems and “fix myself” so we never have to go through problems like this again. I only mention him being ugly and 12 yrs younger because he is very much NOT the type of man she goes for. Its very odd. 

point being...even with me acknowledging my mistakes and apologizing AND taking action to repair myself and our relationship by seeing a psychologist... its not really having much impact on her. We can still have fun withbout daughter, laugh together, she will allow me to kiss her cheek, forehead and be affectionate but she will NOT reciprocate at all. It is driving me crazy becauee im not sure if we are progressing or if she is checked out and beyond repair. She will NOT talk to me about anything in regards to fixing us or what is going on with her and her boss. All she says is i need to fix myself. She has no accountability whatsoever for her part of this mess. Thank you for your input. I appreciate it very much


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Well...all that is good and dandy, but the crux of everything is: what are you going to do? 

Are you going to continue in the subservience role living in "hopium" that eventually she'll stop rejecting you. Or are you going to get your balls and man up?


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## ResoluteMan (Apr 11, 2021)

My goodness! Serve her with divorce papers. She’s already gone and there’s nothing that you can do about it. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Huskyfb40 How heavy was your drinking? How long for? Any "problems" caused by your drinking?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Your situation is so bad that I don't see how we can offer you any helpful advice other than to get out of this marriage as quickly as you can, and that advice may not be the best. Good luck to you. You have a real problem on your hands.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

DNA the child to make sure it's yours.


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## Huskyfb40 (May 30, 2021)

Drinking was very heavy for about 3 months. I did not drink during work days but drank all day on days off.


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## Huskyfb40 (May 30, 2021)

But ironicallt i am so stressed out now because of all this...i cant even look at a beer let alone drink one


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Huskyfb40 said:


> Drinking was very heavy for about 3 months. I did not drink during work days but drank all day on days off.


What did you do with your daughter when you were drunk all weekend?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Let her go. She’s banging a younger guy and you are standing around flat footed begging. All that did was make you look real unattractive.

*This is what you’re getting.

Blame-shifting* is when a person does something wrong or inappropriate, and then dumps the blame on someone else to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior.

Right now you are her chump. The only way that happens is if you allow it.

You can’t fix her but you need to fix yourself. Get some self respect. *What do you love about a lying cheater?*

Download and read “Mo More Mr Nice Guy” by glover. It’s a free pdf and short.

Indecision is a cheaters best friend and your worst enemy.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Just reading your post and I can tell you that you are doing _everything _wrong,,,,Not that she is blameless, but her actions were brought upon by your attitude and demeanor..

You can't change or salvage this, IMO....She has no respect for you, doesn't value you, and if you don't become a different type of man in the future, this will probably happen again with some other woman/en....You will be doomed to repeat this ugly cycle, unless you find some woman who is actually turned on by it....(they are rare, btw)...

Right now, all you should be doing is worrying about your child...I would probably agree with the other poster that suggested a DNA test...Assuming she is yours, then do whatever is necessary to assure she has as healthy and happy a growing life as possible...

Sorry, bud, but you can't fix this...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

There is no excuse for how 'she handled' her side of the marriage.

She should have divorced first, then pursued another man.
She monkey-branched, instead.

I do know this....

In a marriage, there are four eyes, and two brains.

One set of eyes and one brain saw things differently than you did.
Very different.

Use this experience as a learning experience.
Train yourself to look at yourself through someone else's eyes.

I am sure she was 'at fault' as much as you.
And, I am sure you two were just not compatible on so many levels.

You are still plenty young enough to start over.
Learn to communicate better, and not be so rigid in your thinking.
Allow others, their differences.

No more drinking, it helped ruin your marriage.
Drinking is a terrible habit. People often turn into 'ugly' dolts. 

Get back in shape.
Go from being husky to being fit.

Life ain't over, this set-back is just a wake-up call and a restart.

Kindness is your friend, not cranky stubbornness.



_King Brian-_


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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

Let her go, your marriage is done


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

FIrst move: Report the two of them to their HR department. I usually follow this up with the threat that I will sue the company for anything and everything under the sun. He is her supervisor? I would have him blacklisted. Had one guy with a ten year career which we took from him. He was supporting a wife and two children on minimum wage thereafter, of course until his wife relieved him of the balance of his assets and left him homeless. Then, you go nuclear exposure on your WW. This is your opening volleys. As they are reeling from the devastation, have her served. I have found that the most entitled and belligerent waywards are cowed once their neatly constructed world crashes in. Your WW is a typical cheater. Give her consequences for her actions.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Huskyfb40 said:


> Thank you. Yes you are absolutley right. I handled rhe beginning of this very poorly. The 17 days was my fault...i never should have let it go that long. I began drinking heavily to deal with the stress which only made things worse. I have acknowledged my mistakes and apologized to her profusely and how vowed to fix these problems and “fix myself” so we never have to go through problems like this again. I only mention him being ugly and 12 yrs younger because he is very much NOT the type of man she goes for. Its very odd.
> 
> point being...even with me acknowledging my mistakes and apologizing AND taking action to repair myself and our relationship by seeing a psychologist... its not really having much impact on her. We can still have fun withbout daughter, laugh together, she will allow me to kiss her cheek, forehead and be affectionate but she will NOT reciprocate at all. It is driving me crazy becauee im not sure if we are progressing or if she is checked out and beyond repair. She will NOT talk to me about anything in regards to fixing us or what is going on with her and her boss. All she says is i need to fix myself. She has no accountability whatsoever for her part of this mess. Thank you for your input. I appreciate it very much


No, YOU not talking to HER for 17 days isn’t the problem. Your wife is not in love with you anymore and yes, she’s having sex with the guy at work. There is nothing to salvage here. You have been doing the pick me dance and trying to “win her back” and I can tell you from experience that even though your emotions drive you to do this, it is EXACTLY opposite of what you should do if you wanted her back. But dude, you shouldn’t want her back. Not o it is your wife unfaithful, she is not a good person, nor is she a good match for you. Your feelings of frustration and helplessness and her refusal to apologize—— these are not all your fault. You have strong feelings for her, she has none for you. You are making her feel like the gorgeous cheerleader in grade school feels when the dopey nerd in the class brings her candy and treats everyday, hoping she will fall in love with him. It just doesn’t work that way. Every effort you make to show her you love her just drives her farther away. If you want anything near chance to get her back, file for divorce and act like a man that wants a divorce. She’s done. You are harming yourself trying to stay in this relationship when she’s already left it and is so low in character she hasn’t tried to divorce you. You’re being used while she test runs another man.
You need to see an attorney badly. I’m sorry, I know how much it hurts. Do what you know you should, ignore your emotions. Btw, you already know a woman doesn’t shave there unless she’s plAnning in someone seeing and feeling that area. She’s 100% cheating and acting like she’s not married. Give her what she wants.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Huskyfb40 said:


> I followed her to the bar and watched her walk out with her supervisor who she said was in Washington and had no idea when he was coming back. You can imagine my fury as I can front of the two of them in the parking lot. Somehow I restrained myself from killing him And just kept it to a verbal beraring. He told me that she was not my property. An innocent person would have said wait a minute there was nothing going on with me and your wife but this guy was very confrontational instead.


The other posters are addressing all the issues well, but I want to point something out here. 

90% of OM willing scatter into the shadows like cockroaches in the light. Most OM are in it for the easy, no-strings poon and will disappear like a fart in the wind if confronted or if the affair comes to light. 

However in my experience, whenever an OM is willing to stand and fight and doesn't back down - it's a game over moment. 

She already thinks he is a Bigger Better Deal (BBD) because she is blatantly getting with him right under your nose. Add in the fact he is willing to fight for her in a parking lot while you have a little hissy fit, and it is game over for you. She's sees you as weak and ineffectual and sees him as D'Man. 

If he were to clear out a dresser drawer and some space in his closet for her this morning, she would be packed and out of the house tonight.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> If he were to clear out a dresser drawer and some space in her closet for her this morning, she would be packed and out of the house tonight.


Now this is important - pay attention. 

Even if he is a player and is just in it for the poon and he doesn't agree to take her full time and does end up dumping her - she is still not going to be into you. 

Read that again - Even if she doesn't end up with him, she is still not yours. She will be even less attracted to you and have even less respect and admiration for and will have even less desire for you. 

She may stay in your house and have you pay bills and help take care of the kid and help with laundry and dishes and mow the lawn. 

But you will just be a roommate and assistant child-care giver. She will not see you as a husband or a lover or a real man. 
All you will be doing is marking time until she moves on to the next man. It will be inevitable because she has already detached from you and has already transferred her love and respect and desire to someone else. 

She will NOT reattach to you just because her relationship with this other guy doesn't work out. She will just go back on the market for another guy and will let you pay bills and share expenses and help take care of the child. 

You have already lost this one.


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## Huskyfb40 (May 30, 2021)

Taxman said:


> FIrst move: Report the two of them to their HR department. I usually follow this up with the threat that I will sue the company for anything and everything under the sun. He is her supervisor? I would have him blacklisted. Had one guy with a ten year career which we took from him. He was supporting a wife and two children on minimum wage thereafter, of course until his wife relieved him of the balance of his assets and left him homeless. Then, you go nuclear exposure on your WW. This is your opening volleys. As they are reeling from the devastation, have her served. I have found that the most entitled and belligerent waywards are cowed once their neatly constructed world crashes in. Your WW is a typical cheater. Give her consequences for her actions.


Yes....tell me more. About the lawsuit etc


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Dependent on your jurisdiction, you may be able to sue for loss of congress. Did your WW have an employee manual? Most corporations implicitly or explicitly look down on inter office relationships especially those that involve infidelity. It reflects poorly on the business. I would engage a solicitor (Lawyer) and tell him that you want a lawsuit to drop on your WW's company. In it you want both parties named specifically. We had not a leg to stand on. We knew that if we sued, in this case, WH's company nothing legally would come of it, however, shock value works. Head of HR received the lawsuit, and before actually taking it over to the legal department, he blew a gasket. He goes straight to his Veep, and together they brought in WH and his OW. They were terminated on the spot. It was then that HR found out that the lawsuit had little merit, but in the meantime he had turfed the two. Oh well. Upshot was that OW had to go home to her BH and explain why she suddenly lost her job. Her BH was not so happy. She found herself living in her mom's basement. WH already knew that he was on his way out the door. He simply did not bother coming home that night. He had to tell his mom. Both parties eventually discovered that their termination was improper, but by that time they had many other forest fires to extinguish.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Robert22205 said:


> DNA the child to make sure it's yours.


This, and get tested for STDs.

I'm sorry. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's important. 

It's time to take care of you, because she's clearly checked out. You can't "nice" her back, as they say. 

Sadly, it looks like the best thing to do now is go talk to a lawyer.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Huskyfb40 said:


> Thank you. Yes you are absolutley right. I handled rhe beginning of this very poorly. The 17 days was my fault...i never should have let it go that long. I began drinking heavily to deal with the stress which only made things worse. I have acknowledged my mistakes and apologized to her profusely and how vowed to fix these problems and “fix myself” so we never have to go through problems like this again. I only mention him being ugly and 12 yrs younger because he is very much NOT the type of man she goes for. Its very odd.
> 
> point being...even with me acknowledging my mistakes and apologizing AND taking action to repair myself and our relationship by seeing a psychologist... its not really having much impact on her. We can still have fun withbout daughter, laugh together, she will allow me to kiss her cheek, forehead and be affectionate but she will NOT reciprocate at all. It is driving me crazy becauee im not sure if we are progressing or if she is checked out and beyond repair. She will NOT talk to me about anything in regards to fixing us or what is going on with her and her boss. All she says is i need to fix myself. She has no accountability whatsoever for her part of this mess. Thank you for your input. I appreciate it very much


You were drinking because she was cheating. Did she apologize for cheating?

Her shiny new boyfriend mat not be much but she picked him over you and your family didn’t she?

You gave her total control and are now living the life of a doormat. If you don’t wake up and change yourself, nothing will change.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Taxman said:


> We knew that if we sued, in this case, WH's company nothing legally would come of it, however, shock value works.


Glad it worked, but be aware that in the US, if you file a lawsuit that you know has no merit, if the court is convinced that you knew, it may find you guilty of a Rule 11 violation which will likely result in you paying the company's expenses and legal fees. A good lawyer will advise you of that possibility before filing suit. Taxman is correct that many companies will take action rather than waste time and money on litigation.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I wanted to add that I know you wanted to get some advice on how to save your marriage, not this. But what you’ve gotten is advice on how to save yourself. When a woman loses feelings for a man, they simply never do return. Your wife is going to seem like a totally different person, because now she is. Please accept that you didn’t marry the person she is now, and you are being used and abused by the person she is now. Save yourself and see an attorney. I truly believe that one day you will likely see this situation as a huge gift—- though it is supremely hurtful now.
You’ll make it. Just be willing to cast the anchor off your neck.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I have no experience with a cheating spouse, but from what I can tell from your situation, your wife seems to be cheating on your with her supervisor. She doesn't want you to get close intimately because she's probably been intimate with POSOM, and feels like she's cheating on him with you if she were to be intimate with you. 

Personally, if I were you, I would do a 180 (other people on here can refer you to links to posts about that). You need to work on yourself and your self worth and realize that you're worth far more than what she's giving you at the moment. Keep going to therapy, but do that for YOU and not to save your marriage. It sounds like your wife has checked out, and once that happens, there really is no fixing that. I know because I also checked out of my former marriage (I did not cheat though), and those loving feelings never came back for my now XH. 

I'm sorry that you're here, but there are fantastic people here who can help you through this.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Huskyfb40 said:


> My wife and I have been together for four years and we have a 1 year old daughter together. Our relationship was absolutely perfect... right up until she got pregnant. Then it was like somebody flip the light switch. She would purposely pick fights and push my buttons to prompt a reaction from me. For example, she got up and left one evening and disappeared for the entire night without saying a word. I had no idea where she went and when she came home the following morning I was furious. Rightfully so in my mind, but because of incidents like this she has labeled me an “emotional abuser.”
> 
> Six months ago, we had an argument which was so absurd I decided I would not speak to her until she apologized. Well we didn’t speak for 17 days straight which was detrimental. For the next few months we were basically roommates. We were barely getting along and there was no intimacy. I got up early for work one day and found her having a very inappropriate FaceTime conversation with her supervisor from work. This guy is ugly and 12 years younger than her. It really caught me by surprise. I told her I still loved her and wanted to make it work but she said she did not as too much damage has been done. This shocked me even further.
> 
> ...


Sorry to say it but she has moved on. You have a piece of paper saying she is your wife but in fact she revoked the contract and ripped it up. Stop trying to "salvage" the "marriage", there isn't anything to salvage.

And you need to move on with your life. Be glad you only invested four years. 

My question is who is taking care of the 1 year old while your "wife" is our boinking her "supervisor", and you are chasing her around the bars? Has she abandoned the child as well as you? Are you sure that you sired the child?

Go to an attorney, file, and move on with your life. Don't waste two minutes trying to salvage a dumpster fire.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> I wanted to add that I know you wanted to get some advice on how to save your marriage, not this. But what you’ve gotten is advice on how to save yourself. When a woman loses feelings for a man, they simply never do return. Your wife is going to seem like a totally different person, because now she is. Please accept that you didn’t marry the person she is now, and you are being used and abused by the person she is now. Save yourself and see an attorney. I truly believe that one day you will likely see this situation as a huge gift—- though it is supremely hurtful now.
> You’ll make it. Just be willing to cast the anchor off your neck.


@Evinrude58 is correct. You need to save yourself. If the wife wakes up and wants to come along great but you can’t make her do a thing. All you’ve accomplished so far is turn her into a cake eater.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

In my experience anything on legal letterhead gets a response. People like to think they are sophisticated, and that they read and understand every piece of paper put before them. In my experience (and if you note, a percentage of posters here) do not read. They skim, looking for bullet points. The result is that, the letterhead followed by gobbledegook in the second and third paragraphs have more often than not gotten action. (And the bit about rule 11 in the states, usually we will get a letter on corporate letterhead from their internal legal department-guys who finished at the bottom of their law school class-telling us we do not have a case)


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear *Huskyfb40*

It takes two to make a marriage and it often takes two to destroy a marriage. 

Your drinking and other approaches to your wife are part of the problem. What I am trying to tell you is that you are not totally a victim. You bear some element of responsibility. 

Let me explain. When she tried to pick fights with you, you could have been the adult in the room and not reacted to the baiting. Just because someone insults you, doesn't mean you have to get angry, emotional and not talk to them for 17 days or do other immature things.

What did you hope to gain, by confronting the two cheaters in the parking lot? A simple showing of your face to them and saying to your wife, "I am very disappointed in you and we will discuss this later" would have gotten the message across in a much more adult fashion. 

I tend to agree with the others that your marriage is pretty much over. I would advise you to work on changing yourself and how you react to things. Such changes will hopefully prepare you for a future relationship. Since you are a parent, your first obligation should be to your child. You need to become the mature parental caregiver to that child. That means you need to grow up quickly, as your wife is not going to be a good parent or role model for your child.

Good Luck.


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## Killi (May 12, 2021)

Huskyfb40 said:


> I told her I still loved her and wanted to make it work but she said she did not as too much damage has been done. This shocked me even further.
> 
> I basically reverted back to my old self when we first started dating and I was doing everything right trying to fix the relationship. It seemed to be working


You need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Young at Heart said:


> Dear *Huskyfb40*
> 
> It takes two to make a marriage and it often takes two to destroy a marriage.
> 
> ...


Are you actually saying that would be a normal, correct response? If so, I suspect you probably wear skinny jeans and have a man bun.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Young at Heart said:


> Dear *Huskyfb40*
> 
> It takes two to make a marriage and it often takes two to destroy a marriage.
> 
> ...


This is normal fare for a cheater.

His drinking in this case was brought on by her low class actions. It seems to me you are way off base and don’t seem to have much experience around infidelity.

All cheaters lie, hide and deny.

It only takes one to end a marriage.


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## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

The sudden change in her behavior after having the child may have been because the child isn't your's. Paternity test needed

she realized it was the other guy's kid and became resentful and paranoid. She knew the truth would eventually come out.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Young at Heart said:


> Dear *Huskyfb40*
> 
> It takes two to make a marriage and it often takes two to destroy a marriage.
> 
> ...


His weak and dysfunctional behavior is what is keeping him trapped in this train wreck of a situation is and what is allowing her to continue to use and abuse him. 

IT DID NOT CAUSE HER TO CHEAT!! Her bad character did that. 

And you are mistaken - it only takes ONE to destroy a marriage.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

V


Young at Heart said:


> Dear *Huskyfb40*
> 
> It takes two to make a marriage and it often takes two to destroy a marriage.
> 
> ...


Were you sipping some kind of soy latte with an umbrella in it while you typed this out?


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

V


Young at Heart said:


> Dear *Huskyfb40*
> 
> It takes two to make a marriage and it often takes two to destroy a marriage.
> 
> ...


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Listen to taxman Op. Expose them to their employer.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Tested_by_stress said:


> Listen to taxman Op. Expose them to their employer.


And after you do that, if you find yourself in need of a laxative, look up the legal doctrine known as slander per se. Make sure you can unequivocally prove your allegations.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Don’t do anything before you talk to an attorney. You don’t want her losing her job before you’re divorced, and you May be able to use work exposure to your advantage. 
please know that divorce is not an option, it’s a necessity here. You can’t stay with this woman while she bangs other guys and keep your sanity.


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## Huskyfb40 (May 30, 2021)

I appreciate all of the wisdom. Even though some Of it is tough to hear. I am fully aware of what I am doing right or wrong. What i did in the beginning, in NO way justifies her having and affair. My psych and i believe she likely has not slept with him yet but it very well could happen. As of now we still live together and she is being very nice. She accepts my affection but will not reciprocate. She makes comments about her still liking my phsyique, being her best lover(in bed) and many other positive things. I am very confused as i dont know if these are head games or a shot at saving our marriage. I am trying to be Patient and understanding without losing my sanity


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## Huskyfb40 (May 30, 2021)

Did i mention she is Chinese and her mom has been living with us since Dec 2019?! Yeah can u imagine this living hell...mother in law under my damn roof for 18 yrs...its been a BIG strain


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

oldshirt said:


> His weak and dysfunctional behavior is what is keeping him trapped in this train wreck of a situation is and what is allowing her to continue to use and abuse him.
> 
> IT DID NOT CAUSE HER TO CHEAT!! Her bad character did that.
> 
> And you are mistaken - it only takes ONE to destroy a marriage.


It sounded to me like he has been enabling her bad behavior for quite a while in addition to having some bad behavior himself.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Huskyfb40 said:


> being her best lover(in bed)


Is this topic something you and she discuss regularly?


----------



## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

When spouse is out overnight, it is completely normal for the significant other to be upset and demand an explanation, regardless if it is man or women. You know she was not in an all night checker tournament, so an explanation is due. That may not have even been the first time, this is usually something that builds up to the overnight event. There are a few things that you need to do. Firstly you need to see an attorney and find out your rights in your state. You don't have to file, but you need to know your rights and develop a plan. Secondly, you can't fix this by yourself, if she doesn't want to fix it as well, then it is just an exercise in futility. She sounds like she is in the honeymoon phase of her relationship with BF, it doesn't matter that he is fat and ugly, she sees the boss as a successful man. He is also new and has none of the negatives that happen with most relationships. While a person is in gaga-land, there is really much you can do to bring them out. Thirdly you need a plan, actually a couple of plans, one to reconcile and one to separate. Lastly, you need to look to make a better you, this will help whether you stay together or separate. Look to set an exercise routine that makes a heathier you, volunteer time to help other in need, read a classic book, consider hobbies.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Huskyfb40 said:


> I appreciate all of the wisdom. Even though some Of it is tough to hear. I am fully aware of what I am doing right or wrong. What i did in the beginning, in NO way justifies her having and affair. My psych and i believe she likely has not slept with him yet but it very well could happen. As of now we still live together and she is being very nice. She accepts my affection but will not reciprocate. She makes comments about her still liking my phsyique, being her best lover(in bed) and many other positive things. I am very confused as i dont know if these are head games or a shot at saving our marriage. I am trying to be Patient and understanding without losing my sanity


You are confusing words with her actions
Cheaters lie a lot. Her words are meaningless. If they have physical contact they had sex.

wake up


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Huskyfb40 said:


> I appreciate all of the wisdom. Even though some Of it is tough to hear. I am fully aware of what I am doing right or wrong. What i did in the beginning, in NO way justifies her having and affair. My psych and i believe she likely has not slept with him yet but it very well could happen. As of now we still live together and she is being very nice. She accepts my affection but will not reciprocate. She makes comments about her still liking my phsyique, being her best lover(in bed) and many other positive things. I am very confused as i dont know if these are head games or a shot at saving our marriage. I am trying to be Patient and understanding without losing my sanity


Indecision is a cheaters best friend and your worst enemy. Right now you are a puppet on her string.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Huskyfb40 said:


> Did i mention she is Chinese and her mom has been living with us since Dec 2019?! Yeah can u imagine this living hell...mother in law under my damn roof for 18 yrs...its been a BIG strain


You’ve allowed it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You are being played. And you are allowing it.
You and your psych think she hasn’t had sex with him, yet shaves....
Sir, she’s having sex with him in her mind every day, and whether you accept it or not, that is just as damaging . It’s done. She gives you no affection. She won’t have sex with you/— she’s being faithful to her other man. You don’t count anymore. You can’t make someone love you. Trying to make someone love you is about the worst possible remedy.
You’re keeping yourself in pain. Nothing anyone says can help you until you become willing to listen and help yourself.

btw, ridding yourself of a cheating,frigid wife AND a live-in MIL in the same stroke?
Damn, the answer here is obvious.
If I had to guess, you’ve been a walking ATM for many years.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

VFW said:


> When spouse is out overnight, it is completely normal for the significant other to be upset and demand an explanation, regardless if it is man or women. You know she was not in an all night checker tournament, so an explanation is due. That may not have even been the first time, this is usually something that builds up to the overnight event. There are a few things that you need to do. Firstly you need to see an attorney and find out your rights in your state. You don't have to file, but you need to know your rights and develop a plan. Secondly, you can't fix this by yourself, if she doesn't want to fix it as well, then it is just an exercise in futility. *She sounds like she is in the honeymoon phase of her relationship with BF, it doesn't matter that he is fat and ugly, she sees the boss as a successful man.* He is also new and has none of the negatives that happen with most relationships. While a person is in gaga-land, there is really much you can do to bring them out. Thirdly you need a plan, actually a couple of plans, one to reconcile and one to separate. Lastly, you need to look to make a better you, this will help whether you stay together or separate. Look to set an exercise routine that makes a heathier you, volunteer time to help other in need, read a classic book, consider hobbies.


Why oh why would a man try to salvage a dumpster fire of a marriage?? Why even start a thread about what to do when the answer is plain as nose on your face? And the answer is always the same. Lack of respect for himself?

Why is adultery something a man would ever even try to "fix"? I for one would never care to again sleep with a wife who had boinked another. The wife made her choice, she deserves to have what she wanted, file ASAP and move on with life, leave her in the dust like yesterday's trash.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Huskyfb40 said:


> Huskyfb40 said:
> 
> 
> > Did i mention she is Chinese and her mom has been living with us since Dec 2019?! Yeah can u imagine this living hell...mother in law under my damn roof for 18 yrs...its been a BIG strain
> ...


These two things are related. 

The reason she isn't having sex with you or returning affections is because she has transferred all her sexual attentions to the other man. It is very common for cheaters to not "cheat" on their AP with their spouse. 

The reason she is playing both of you is because you are not only housing and supporting her but you are housing and supporting her MOTHER. 

Ain't no way in hell is the OM going to take in the mother unless he is a bigger simp and chump and more desperate than you are. 

She has to play you both as you are each providing different utility to her.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

The old saying, *"You have to be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it"* applies here.

I am not sure that this marriage is worth saving, but your begging, crying, and being a doormat will not save it anyway.

Here are some concrete steps to take:


*Lawyer up*. If you have her served, divorce takes a while. If she gets her head out of her hind quarters then it can be delayed or stopped. However,_* do not do this as a threat*_, do this as concrete step of getting out of infidelity.
*Have your lawyer investigate* the possibility of reporting their affair to Human Resources.
Google *No More Mister Nice Guy* pdf. There is a free copy online.
Google *Healing Infidelity: The 180 for Hurt Spouses*. Follow their guidelines religiously. Don't do this to get her back. Do this to distance yourself from her. 
*Stop doing the "Pick-Me-Dance".* It makes you look pathetic and weak from her viewpoint
*STD test.*
*DNA test your children.*
*If the wife goes, the Mother-in-Law goes.* See how Mr. Wonderful likes that lifestyle.
*Get Individual Counseling. * Marriage Counseling with a cheater is a waste of time and money.
*Take it for granted they have gone physical.* You think a man is going apartment hunting with someone he hasn't been boinking? Give me a break.
*Strength & Honor.* Show this to her and your kids.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> You are being played. And you are allowing it.
> You and your psych think she hasn’t had sex with him, yet shaves....
> Sir, she’s having sex with him in her mind every day, and whether you accept it or not, that is just as damaging . It’s done. She gives you no affection. She won’t have sex with you/— she’s being faithful to her other man. You don’t count anymore. You can’t make someone love you. Trying to make someone love you is about the worst possible remedy.
> You’re keeping yourself in pain. Nothing anyone says can help you until you become willing to listen and help yourself.
> ...


Try to make someone love you is like pushing a rope.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She makes excuses to justify her scandalous behavior so in her mind she is doing nothing wrong. She told me we were broke up (Translation: she’s entitled to duck other men because you are “broke up”) which was absolutely absurd because we still live together

She shaved her vagina just before which she rarely does. (Translation: she wants that nice and smooth for him) She came home drunk and took a shower. (Translation: she was washing his gizz/stink off of her)

I followed her to the bar and watched her walk out with her supervisor who she said was in Washington and had no idea when he was coming back. You can imagine my fury as I can front of the two of them in the parking lot.

He told me that she was not my property
(Translation: she is now his property)

I have also seen them looking at apartments together. (Already translated for you: they’re slapping nasties regularly). As said, no man will let a woman move in with him unless he’s satisfied she is good in bed. If your psych tell you they don’t think your wife is having sex with this guy, fire him and get one with common sense/a brain.
but anytime I try to get affectionate, she shuts me down. (You’re not getting sex with her, he is.)

Tried to condense this for you and translate so you can see how obvious to anyone it is that your wife is having a sexual and emotional relationship with another man.

I did not understand how you’ve been married 4 years but your MIL has been living with you for 18.

btw. You have been told correctly: let’s see if the Other Man really wants to take up living with her AND her mother. She’ll be back.

sonce she’s already having sex with another man and you’re ok with it and willing to forgive, go ahead and grant him full custody of her and mom andenjoy watching the burning trail she has behind her on her way back to you.

But if you keep the pick me dance up while supporting her and her mom, you are in for a long, painful road, sir.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Rus47 said:


> Why oh why would a man try to salvage a dumpster fire of a marriage?? Why even start a thread about what to do when the answer is plain as nose on your face? And the answer is always the same. Lack of respect for himself?
> 
> Why is adultery something a man would ever even try to "fix"? I for one would never care to again sleep with a wife who had boinked another. The wife made her choice, she deserves to have what she wanted, file ASAP and move on with life, leave her in the dust like yesterday's trash.


That is his decision to make not mine or yours for that matter. He is a grown man and knows the situation better than either of us. Give him your best advice and leave the rest to him.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

Serve her with divorce papers. its the only thing that will wake her up. You've been monkey branched brother. Let this other guy deal with her and the MIL. Get rid of both of them. they are not your problem anymore.

She has no clue what's in store for her if you do it right instead of being the submissive husband. You are in a no-win position playing let's go back in time. And yes the sex with the OM is frequent.

You don't know what you're doing and it's sad to read.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Huskyfb40 said:


> I appreciate all of the wisdom. Even though some Of it is tough to hear. I am fully aware of what I am doing right or wrong. What i did in the beginning, in NO way justifies her having and affair. My psych and i believe she likely has not slept with him yet but it very well could happen. As of now we still live together and she is being very nice. She accepts my affection but will not reciprocate. She makes comments about her still liking my phsyique, being her best lover(in bed) and many other positive things. I am very confused as i dont know if these are head games or a shot at saving our marriage. I am trying to be Patient and understanding without losing my sanity


She is most likely biding time keeping YOU appeased until she decides exactly what she wants to do. THAT's what those positive things are.
Along with the other suggestions about seeing a lawyer to make sure you have a game plan, start working on the 180








The 180


Several years ago, Michelle Wiener Davis, the author of Divorce Busting, introduced a concept to the world of infidelity that is designed to help you and your partner move forward in the healing of…




beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com




WHY exactly are YOU trying to kiss up to her, giving HER affection while YOU get the cold shoulder? You need to work on not being so needy with her and be your OWN person first.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Huskyfb40 said:


> She accepts my affection but will not reciprocate.


Yah, that's kinda what happened to me in the mid sixties when I was a teenager and met Ann Margaret.


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## Killi (May 12, 2021)

Huskyfb40 said:


> I am fully aware of what I am doing right or wrong.


Really? 


Huskyfb40 said:


> My psych and i believe she likely has not slept with him yet but it very well could happen


It already happened a long time ago. Anyone can see they f*cked and are f*cking while you are desperately doing the pick me dance. The evidence right in front of your face.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

there are 5 people in this relationship , you are the one telling the story and tell about drinking and hint at other things that need help , then there is the wife that has seen the best and worst sides of you first of all you think she might be having sex with another man but you seem to be able put that behind you most of the time you have found her doing some type of chatting with a man on facebook and other things that if she was telling the story could be just needing someone to talk to , there is the other man 12 years younger and you say not her type but she might see him as a good person to talk to and you even risk pushing her into his arms over think and spying on her , then there is the mother who is Chinese lady that is living with you both what does she think of what is going on in your relationship is she there to help her daughter and even protect her from you or has she no where better to go , and there is the one that has not been talked about the child , where is the child when mother ran out of the house all night and when you are out spying on her and when your drinking , 
The child has to be put first what is best for her , then you can build by putting you wife second it is like you are looking for her to put you back into her first place that will not happen untill you put her first , the second man you don't need to worry about if you put her first if you look on the time she is out with him as time she needs to be free of the house and what has passed in the past you can save this i think by not making this about her putting you first but by you showing her what ever she does is ok with you as long as she is happy and you child is happy , and lastly the grandmother of the child have you talked to her she can be you biggest helper if you show her you want to place your wife on top and not a woman that should be with you because your her husband , 
The best thing is to give your wife the right to leave give her the right to have your trust give her the right to be her own person and stay her admirer even if she does go she is your childs mother first 
She might need to have her own space now and you might be able to show her that you love her and your willing to do ALL to win her back , 

And if she is having an affair which i think from what you said she might have trusted this man and he might have got to use that to have his fling but i think you don't care if she had sex with this man your know it is more important to improve and build and not count scores and be the one that can say she did this "poor me " 

this post has become a lot longer than i expected but i think you want to make the extra effort and build a life for you your wife and your child


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## Huskyfb40 (May 30, 2021)

You didnt comprehend anything i wrote obviously.. will definitely read no more mr nice guy and begin implementing the 180.


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## jparistotle (Jul 10, 2018)

Huskyfb40 said:


> Did i mention she is Chinese and her mom has been living with us since Dec 2019?! Yeah can u imagine this living hell...mother in law under my damn roof for 18 yrs...its been a BIG strain


I think you can take this to HR if the man is indeed her supervisor. He will be terminated


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## Huskyfb40 (May 30, 2021)

jparistotle said:


> I think you can take this to HR if the man is indeed her supervisor. He will be terminated


I fully intend to. Just need a bit more proof. All i have at this time is circumstantial evidence and a few photos /videos of them together outside of work that they will try to explain away. I need a smoking gun because i want this guy canned.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Tested_by_stress said:


> Listen to taxman Op. Expose them to their employer.


But in the real world of today, most employers do not give a rip if their employees are banging each other.

Oh, if there is any indication that they were fudging expenses or the like, perhaps they might do something.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

frenchpaddy said:


> there are 5 people in this relationship , you are the one telling the story and tell about drinking and hint at other things that need help , then there is the wife that has seen the best and worst sides of you first of all you think she might be having sex with another man but you seem to be able put that behind you most of the time you have found her doing some type of chatting with a man on facebook and other things that if she was telling the story could be just needing someone to talk to , there is the other man 12 years younger and you say not her type but she might see him as a good person to talk to and you even risk pushing her into his arms over think and spying on her , then there is the mother who is Chinese lady that is living with you both what does she think of what is going on in your relationship is she there to help her daughter and even protect her from you or has she no where better to go , and there is the one that has not been talked about the child , where is the child when mother ran out of the house all night and when you are out spying on her and when your drinking ,
> The child has to be put first what is best for her , then you can build by putting you wife second it is like you are looking for her to put you back into her first place that will not happen untill you put her first , the second man you don't need to worry about if you put her first if you look on the time she is out with him as time she needs to be free of the house and what has passed in the past you can save this i think by not making this about her putting you first but by you showing her what ever she does is ok with you as long as she is happy and you child is happy , and lastly the grandmother of the child have you talked to her she can be you biggest helper if you show her you want to place your wife on top and not a woman that should be with you because your her husband ,
> The best thing is to give your wife the right to leave give her the right to have your trust give her the right to be her own person and stay her admirer even if she does go she is your childs mother first
> She might need to have her own space now and you might be able to show her that you love her and your willing to do ALL to win her back ,
> ...


If you want to see a fairy tale ending rent a Disney movie. OP didn’t make her cheat. That’s a decision she made behind his back.


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## Bigdango (Jun 1, 2021)

Huskyfb40 said:


> My wife and I have been together for four years and we have a 1 year old daughter together. Our relationship was absolutely perfect... right up until she got pregnant. Then it was like somebody flip the light switch. She would purposely pick fights and push my buttons to prompt a reaction from me. For example, she got up and left one evening and disappeared for the entire night without saying a word. I had no idea where she went and when she came home the following morning I was furious. Rightfully so in my mind, but because of incidents like this she has labeled me an “emotional abuser.”
> 
> Six months ago, we had an argument which was so absurd I decided I would not speak to her until she apologized. Well we didn’t speak for 17 days straight which was detrimental. For the next few months we were basically roommates. We were barely getting along and there was no intimacy. I got up early for work one day and found her having a very inappropriate FaceTime conversation with her supervisor from work. This guy is ugly and 12 years younger than her. It really caught me by surprise. I told her I still loved her and wanted to make it work but she said she did not as too much damage has been done. This shocked me even further.
> 
> ...





Huskyfb40 said:


> My wife and I have been together for four years and we have a 1 year old daughter together. Our relationship was absolutely perfect... right up until she got pregnant. Then it was like somebody flip the light switch. She would purposely pick fights and push my buttons to prompt a reaction from me. For example, she got up and left one evening and disappeared for the entire night without saying a word. I had no idea where she went and when she came home the following morning I was furious. Rightfully so in my mind, but because of incidents like this she has labeled me an “emotional abuser.”
> 
> Six months ago, we had an argument which was so absurd I decided I would not speak to her until she apologized. Well we didn’t speak for 17 days straight which was detrimental. For the next few months we were basically roommates. We were barely getting along and there was no intimacy. I got up early for work one day and found her having a very inappropriate FaceTime conversation with her supervisor from work. This guy is ugly and 12 years younger than her. It really caught me by surprise. I told her I still loved her and wanted to make it work but she said she did not as too much damage has been done. This shocked me even further.
> 
> ...


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Huskyfb40 said:


> I need a smoking gun because i want this guy canned.


Just out of curiosity, do you believe the only way to keep your wife from doing the guy is to keep him away from her? If you're out to punish the guy for having the audacity to do your wife, whatju going to do about the other 10 guys who will do her when they get the signal. I don't know what kind of chick you married, but a lot of married women actual turn down offers from other guys. There's no requirement your old lady had to take him up on his offer, if he was the one that indeed made the offer. Every guy wants to drive a stake through the vampires heart when its the wife who invited him in. It just ain't fair.
Btw, If you think about it, your lucky in a lot of way with the MIL living with you. You can look at her, see how your old lady's going to pan out in another twenty years, and see if its going to be worth the crap youre willing to put up with now. You have a living "Consumer Report" right in front of you Dawg. Hey, if the MIL's still a fox, and your old lady is off to gawd only knows where with other guys, like the song sez, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one youre with".


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Huskyfb40 said:


> I appreciate all of the wisdom. Even though some Of it is tough to hear. I am fully aware of what I am doing right or wrong. What i did in the beginning, in NO way justifies her having and affair. My psych and i believe she likely has not slept with him yet but it very well could happen. As of now we still live together and she is being very nice. She accepts my affection but will not reciprocate. *She makes comments about her still liking my physique, being her best lover(in bed) and many other positive things*. I am very confused as i dont know if these are head games or a shot at saving our marriage. I am trying to be Patient and understanding without losing my sanity


You are the her best lover in bed?
Who is she comparing you too?

This is her way of deflecting your imagination away from her physically cheating.
Uh, why would she eff some other man, since you are the best!
Right.

Intimacy is more than just bumping parts.

Smoke screening and gaslighting.

The MIL may be trying to _make_ _right this shipwreck_ of a marriage.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Huskyfb40 said:


> My psych and i believe she likely has not slept with him yet but it very well could happen.


I'm sorry, but This ^^ is denial. 

If by psych you mean therapist/counselor, get a new one.

When a woman shaves downstairs before going out with someone else, and shaving isn't something she normally does, that should tell you what she's up to.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yes, the shaving. She planned to **** the guy. To stay with a woman like this is just a failure to value oneself as they should.


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## otomerican (May 27, 2021)

Huskyfb40 said:


> I need a smoking gun because i want this guy canned.


What's the advantage in getting him canned? Clearly you have to lawyer up, STD test, Paternity Test, etc. Overall you want the best deal you can get from her in divorce court when the assets, child support, paternity are sorted out and I don't see how contacting the HR department helps that.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> She planned to **** the guy.


Yep, most likely the last time he told her like that thang slick.


----------



## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

So, a light hearted story from my past.
Had a very friendly FWB lady years ago.
Due to our work schedules, we would only see each other Friday evenings/weekends.
One night, middle of the week, she calls, 'can I come over?'
I said, ' I thought we were going out on the weekend?'
She says, 'yeah, but can I come over tonight?'
'Well, I was just going to bed, I've got to get up early.'
'Yeah, but can I come over tonight?'
'I thought we'd go out Friday.'
'Fine, but can I come over now?'
'Why? I thought we were going out this weekend.'
Short moment of silence, 'I just shaved.....for you!'
'I'll leave the porch light on.'


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

frenchpaddy said:


> there are 5 people in this relationship , you are the one telling the story and tell about drinking and hint at other things that need help , then there is the wife that has seen the best and worst sides of you first of all you think she might be having sex with another man but you seem to be able put that behind you most of the time you have found her doing some type of chatting with a man on facebook and other things that if she was telling the story could be just needing someone to talk to , there is the other man 12 years younger and you say not her type but she might see him as a good person to talk to and you even risk pushing her into his arms over think and spying on her , then there is the mother who is Chinese lady that is living with you both what does she think of what is going on in your relationship is she there to help her daughter and even protect her from you or has she no where better to go , and there is the one that has not been talked about the child , where is the child when mother ran out of the house all night and when you are out spying on her and when your drinking ,
> The child has to be put first what is best for her , then you can build by putting you wife second it is like you are looking for her to put you back into her first place that will not happen untill you put her first , the second man you don't need to worry about if you put her first if you look on the time she is out with him as time she needs to be free of the house and what has passed in the past you can save this i think by not making this about her putting you first but by you showing her what ever she does is ok with you as long as she is happy and you child is happy , and lastly the grandmother of the child have you talked to her she can be you biggest helper if you show her you want to place your wife on top and not a woman that should be with you because your her husband ,
> The best thing is to give your wife the right to leave give her the right to have your trust give her the right to be her own person and stay her admirer even if she does go she is your childs mother first
> She might need to have her own space now and you might be able to show her that you love her and your willing to do ALL to win her back ,
> ...


WTF? He’s trying to operate as a man with dignity, not a pathetic cuckold.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

You really need to dna the child. The picking fights was to avoid intimacy with you. WWs do that to remain faithful to their real man. 

Your counselor told you that he doesn’t think they’re having sex yet? Is he insane? Your wife is not just having sex with this guy, she is being wanton. Trust me, this guy is not getting the vanilla sex you were served.

Women are drawn to confident men of high status. His looks will not matter. She’s trying to monkey branch to him but she has a lot of baggage, so I doubt that this guy is looking to take her on, unless that 1 year old is his.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

jsmart said:


> You really need to dna the child. The picking fights was to avoid intimacy with you. WWs do that to remain faithful to their real man.
> 
> Your counselor told you that he doesn’t think they’re having sex yet? Is he insane? Your wife is not just having sex with this guy, she is being wanton. Trust me, this guy is not getting the vanilla sex you were served.
> 
> Women are drawn to confident men of high status.* His looks will not matter*. She’s trying to monkey branch to him but she has a lot of baggage, so I doubt that this guy is looking to take her on, unless that 1 year old is his.


Maybe OM has lot in common with a stallion. Can't tell whats in package from the plain wrapper.

BTW, the OP needs to get a new counselor.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

Huskyfb40 said:


> Did i mention she is Chinese and her mom has been living with us since Dec 2019?! Yeah can u imagine this living hell...mother in law under my damn roof for 18 yrs...its been a BIG strain


Your wife doesn’t have an ounce of respect for you. She is caught. What more do you need?

1. You caught her on FaceTime, I imagine doing a sexual act

2. You caught her shaving, getting drunk at a bar, and showering right when she got home (RED FLAG)

3. You caught her with him multiple times

4. She wants to move out

Let her cheating a$$ go and reclaim your life. Perfect opportunity to ditch the in-law as well. That is so wildly inappropriate while she is running around with other men.


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## Huskyfb40 (May 30, 2021)

I can honestly say i have done all i can do. This is not the same woman i fell in love with, not even close. Im gonna implement what ive read in No More Mr Nice guy and the 180 and try to get along with my life. The worst part is not being able to see my daughter every and and the “family” atmosphere is going to really hurt. Oh and then the courtroom is gonna hurt to. She cheats but ill be the one paying out the ass. Its no wonder women pull this crap. They could literally make a career out of this with the way the courts are. Thank you for the posts. Some of you had some real insight. Others....well regardless of the other i know im my heart i did not cause or deserve this and i did all i could to save it. Once a woman gets a hold of a new **** it scrambles their brain and its over


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

The question now is, what are you going to DO (besides 180)? It’s time to take action and you need to build a plan, and execute the plan so you’re not derailed by your emotions on any given day.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Huskyfb40 said:


> I can honestly say i have done all i can do. This is not the same woman i fell in love with, not even close. Im gonna implement what ive read in No More Mr Nice guy and the 180 and try to get along with my life. The worst part is not being able to see my daughter every and and the “family” atmosphere is going to really hurt. Oh and then the courtroom is gonna hurt to. She cheats but ill be the one paying out the ass. Its no wonder women pull this crap. They could literally make a career out of this with the way the courts are. Thank you for the posts. Some of you had some real insight. Others....well regardless of the other i know im my heart i did not cause or deserve this and i did all i could to save it. Once a woman gets a hold of a new **** it scrambles their brain and its over


I hate it for you but you’re exactly correct
An attorney yesterday is needed


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Huskyfb40 said:


> Once a woman gets a hold of a new **** it scrambles their brain and its over


Be careful not to hate on all women because of one. Not all women are like that. Some of us are even here trying to help you.


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## SRCSRC (Nov 28, 2020)

Please see a lawyer ASAP. Don't assume you will be paying out the rear. She is working and if you go for 50/50 physical custody you may end up paying her nothing. Strike fast before she sees a lawyer. She is now the enemy. Do not expose her affair until after the divorce is final. Be cordial and non-confrontational and follow your lawyer's advice. But move quickly. You need her to continue working. Take care of yourself. It does get a lot better. I speak from experience.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

I'm not convinced that hormones from pregnancy caused her change in behavior. I suspect that she became angry because she was planning on leaving you for her boss and the pregnancy complicated her plan, or else she knows that her boss is the biological father of her child.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

I think when this woman become pregnant she started to look for different needs in you and found something she did not like , 
pregnancy has an life changing effect on our life I have seen men that change a lot in their work in the last few weeks and first few weeks after the first child is born 
It is clear she is moving out of the home you will have to except this move on and you will have to keep some form of contact with her so you can have shared 50/ 50 care of your child , 
At this stage I think you need to look at if there is any chance of the child been someones other than yours just you at a very important point in your relationship the braking up is just as much as the first days of meeting someone many get this stage wrong and end up hurting the children and using them in their battle against the other ,


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Huskyfb40 said:


> My wife and I have been together for four years and we have a 1 year old daughter together. Our relationship was absolutely perfect... right up until she got pregnant. Then it was like somebody flip the light switch. She would purposely pick fights and push my buttons to prompt a reaction from me. For example, she got up and left one evening and disappeared for the entire night without saying a word. I had no idea where she went and when she came home the following morning I was furious. Rightfully so in my mind, but because of incidents like this she has labeled me an “emotional abuser.”
> 
> Six months ago, we had an argument which was so absurd I decided I would not speak to her until she apologized. Well we didn’t speak for 17 days straight which was detrimental. For the next few months we were basically roommates. We were barely getting along and there was no intimacy. I got up early for work one day and found her having a very inappropriate FaceTime conversation with her supervisor from work. This guy is ugly and 12 years younger than her. It really caught me by surprise. I told her I still loved her and wanted to make it work but she said she did not as too much damage has been done. This shocked me even further.
> 
> ...


Give her what she wants, get a good lawyer, kick her out and see how long the fantasy will last, sue her for custody of your kid. No self respecting mother will be out shagging all and sundry like this.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

This looks like a zombie thread. It happens.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

It's the Walking Dead


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

You are, undoubtedly, dealing with a personality disordered wife. These folks do not change.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Huskyfb40 said:


> My wife and I have been together for four years and we have a 1 year old daughter together. Our relationship was absolutely perfect... right up until she got pregnant. Then it was like somebody flip the light switch. She would purposely pick fights and push my buttons to prompt a reaction from me. For example, she got up and left one evening and disappeared for the entire night without saying a word. I had no idea where she went and when she came home the following morning I was furious. Rightfully so in my mind, but because of incidents like this she has labeled me an “emotional abuser.”
> 
> Six months ago, we had an argument which was so absurd I decided I would not speak to her until she apologized. Well we didn’t speak for 17 days straight which was detrimental. For the next few months we were basically roommates. We were barely getting along and there was no intimacy. I got up early for work one day and found her having a very inappropriate FaceTime conversation with her supervisor from work. This guy is ugly and 12 years younger than her. It really caught me by surprise. I told her I still loved her and wanted to make it work but she said she did not as too much damage has been done. This shocked me even further.
> 
> ...


I think someone else might have mentioned hormones but it really might be a serious health problem and she could use a full physical and mental examination. She is exhibiting signs of a serious hormonal imbalance.

Her radical behavior started after she gave birth so it seems likely.

I would still divorce her but she should at least get her mind back to be a good coparent.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Zombie thread closed.


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