# How to bring up fantasies i dont know if she's into?



## neverending (Sep 12, 2011)

I have a few we haven't talked about and I don't know how to bring them up. We have talked about fantasies a while back but I didn't want to bring up a few of mine since they weren't something she brought up. I don't really think my fantasies are that unusual from a lot of guys but I'm worried what she will think. Anybody have any advice or had this problem and found a good way to handle it?

Thx!


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## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

Just go for it and mention them to her. She might not be into them so if she's not, respect her boundaries. If nothing else, she'll be thinking about it. And she may just like them too. So go for it.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

neverending said:


> I have a few we haven't talked about and I don't know how to bring them up. We have talked about fantasies a while back but I didn't want to bring up a few of mine since they weren't something she brought up. I don't really think my fantasies are that unusual from a lot of guys but I'm worried what she will think. Anybody have any advice or had this problem and found a good way to handle it?
> 
> Thx!


Depends - can you predict her likely reaction? You're probably OK, unless it's something you thimnk she is going to find repugnant, or something that the thought of you even thinking about is going to to scare / sicken her.


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## neverending (Sep 12, 2011)

Predict her reaction...Maybe. It's nothing extreme that I think she would find repugnant just like behind back light bondage handcuffs & collar(gag ball & blindfold would be awesome but don't want to push it)/wanting to finish on her face. Srry don't really know a better way to put that. But I don't consider that as too crazy but it's also not what I would consider the normal. Dunno maybe I'm wrong? Anybody have any opinions? Maybe I'm just thinking she'll react worse to it that she would.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, how is your relationship together? Are you close - confide in each other - she respects you - she trusts you?

How is your sexual relationship currently? Has she been willing to try new things with you before, have you two been able to work up to new things together?

Yah, if it's something that would come totally out of the blue and she's the kind who has been a bit more timid about things, you'll have to ease in to it more slowly.

If she's that way, you might think about ways that you could break the things you want to do into smaller steps and work your way up, e.g., for light bondage start out just holding hands together behind the back or use a lightweight scarf that can be easily undone.

Discuss and emploly the use of a safeword that can be used anytime one or the other feels uncomfortable.

Best wishes.


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## neverending (Sep 12, 2011)

I would say that our sexual relationship is pretty good (although has slowed down a little since we got married). We have tried new things together and I wouldn't say she is timid by any means. We have handcuffs now and she likes being handcuffed to the bed. It's just that step forward to the collar and a little further into the light bondage that worries me. 

I know it's not just me with the fantasies that I put in my previous post but you guys think these are still on the somewhat tame side that wouldn't make your wife (or you if your the wife) worried if you brought them up?


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

neverending said:


> Predict her reaction...Maybe. It's nothing extreme that I think she would find repugnant just like behind back light bondage handcuffs & collar(gag ball & blindfold would be awesome but don't want to push it)/wanting to finish on her face. Srry don't really know a better way to put that. But I don't consider that as too crazy but it's also not what I would consider the normal. Dunno maybe I'm wrong? Anybody have any opinions? Maybe I'm just thinking she'll react worse to it that she would.


OK. This isn't what a lot of people would think of as "mainstream", but nowadays it isn't "uber-extreme" - it will have crossed the radar of any regular reader of e.g. Cosmopolitan or watchers of a lot of detective / drama shows. If she's the sort of person who reads the sex bits of Cosmo and / or watches decetive dramas and isn't phased, you're proabably OK to mention it - she won't necessarily go along, but you can probably discuss it rationaly. If she flips her lid at Cosmo / Castle, she'll probably flip at this.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, how did you work up to the handcuffs? Can you do the same thing for the collar? Or say something like, "darlin, I really love it when we use the handcuffs. You like it too? Would you be willing to try more things like that?" If she's interested you can talk about some of the things. If not, let it go for awhile and wait for another time.

And, I guess, is this something that you are wanting to employ fairly regularly, or just occasionally? You need to be able to set some expectations for her if she's interested in trying it.

Good luck.


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## neverending (Sep 12, 2011)

To SB thanks I wasn't really sure where what I was thinking fell on the scale of normal. We go into the sex toy shop by us a few times a year. We've gotten some outfits & normal stuff like lube and the handcuffs that she actually wanted to get. So she isn't the super shy type. 

@ Enchantment: We were walking around the "toy store" and she was the one who said maybe we should get handcuffs. So I never actually had to say anything for that one except for "Sure! Which ones to you want?" lol. I don't want every time we go to have sex for her to be "restrained" I guess you could say. It would just be nice to occasionally come home and find her waiting tied up and ready to go for that more "adventurous" love making. It's just getting to the point where it's just "hey you want to go the the bedroom and make love?" which is great but no real "spice".


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## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

Sounds like you probably don't have much to worry about as far as being able to talk to her about it. I tried to raise the subject of fantasies with my wife a long time ago, when we were newlywed, and it didn't go well. Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but I've never been comfortable talking to her about the subject again.


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## neverending (Sep 12, 2011)

Thanks everybody for your responses! I was pretty unsure about how to bring this up to her but I think I have some ideas now. That and through talking about it I think I should be ok with bringing it up (as long as I work my way up small steps at a time). Guess we'll see how it goes shortly


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Just ask her..


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I wouldn't bring up something I wouldn't like being thrown back in my face later on. People are weird that way, you think you'll know what their reaction might be or you guess they won't have a big reaction at all but they surprise you with some meltdown like you demanded they perform in a German animal porn snuff film or something.


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## max.sims61 (Sep 8, 2011)

I have found with my wife that the more we discuss our fantasies, the more we realize they are very similar. We have been married 30 years and it has just been in the past 5 or so years that we have really opened up to one another about fantasies. Some we know we would never actually try but others have occurred, but that is for another discussion.


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