# Girlfriend and Buddy



## DrWally (Jun 2, 2013)

I'm tying to make this quick and too the point. 

My girlfriend of almost a year; who I believed may have been the "one", thought I cheated on her. After a heated two day argument I was able to prove my innocents but within the 48hrs of intense fighting she went out for drinks with a long time buddy of mine and I find out that the two were making out at the bar and he attempted to invite himself over to get a little more that night. 

She claims to feel bad knowing that I didn't do anything and suggested I go out and "get even" by committing acts similar to hers with someone else.

I went out just to make her think I was with someone but I inevitably did nothing because I don't believe that is a healthy way to react or behave (making her squirm that entire night was enough for me at that moment). I also understand why she did the things she did due to her emotional state. I know I did nothing but she went out and said she broke up with me because she thought I was unfaithful. I can't forgive her 100% because to me if felt that she went out and cheated on me. 

Now I'm stuck with alternating emotions of: glad I took the high road vs regretting not doing anything. Angry with my "friend" and unsure if I should confront him or just never speak with him again. In addition I'm not sure if I should continue this relationship or chalk it up to a terrible misunderstanding. 

All advice is welcomed. thank you...


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## 10th Engineer Harrison (Dec 11, 2013)

Oops. Sorry for hitting submit that first time. 

It sounds like you both need some maturing. Good that you didn't retaliate, but it's sad that you can't be honest with one another. That "friend" isn't. Get him out of your life. 

Don't get married until you learn how 2 respect one another enough to be honest. Playing high school games doesn't bode well for a lifetime 2gether

- ol' 2long



DrWally said:


> I'm tying to make this quick and too the point.
> 
> My girlfriend of almost a year; who I believed may have been the "one", thought I cheated on her. After a heated two day argument I was able to prove my innocents but within the 48hrs of intense fighting she went out for drinks with a long time buddy of mine and I find out that the two were making out at the bar and he attempted to invite himself over to get a little more that night.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm confused. Your first sentence says you cheated on her, but then you go on like you didn't?

C


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

You're not married and i hope you don't have any kids with her so just move on. Ditch her and the so called friend


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## DrWally (Jun 2, 2013)

I said "she thought I cheated"


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

How do you know anything?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

What made her think you cheated?

It doesn't sound like she's a keeper. I'd next her.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

She fancies this boy - or rather, she wants to test drive him to see what he's like, and she's trying to find a reason to keep you both on 'hold' with no consequences to her self-image.

Once she's tried him, she can make a decision about which of you she prefers. It'll be him, because you didn't stop her from seeing him. Her admitting the kiss was admitting to much more (which you'll never prove).

It's important to people that everything a person does is 'justified' and reasonable, this is the basis of all the mind games that normal people play.

You can't win in a battle of manipulation with her, so beware all the justifications, and all the suggestions she makes at this time, and get this 'friend' out of both of your lives, and enforce the fact that she can't be hanging around with him, contacting him anymore, otherwise, she'll consummate for sure.

Also: compare these:

""""I also *understand *why she did the things she did due to her emotional state. I know I did nothing but she went out and said she broke up with me because *she thought *I was unfaithful. I can't forgive her 100% because to me *I felt *that she went out and cheated on me."""

She did. Remember that. The first two are examples of your mind being swayed by her manipulations. 

The third example is your instinct, gut feeling. Your uncomfortable state of emotions is the two of them, "reason" and "instinct" (your subconscious, which is capable of processing more information than your logic) fighting for control. 

Always listen to your instincts. Watch her really closely, actually pay more attention to her than her words, looking at her reactions, listening out for contradictions instead of formulating your own replies while she's talking, and the 'answer' just comes to you. When you start reading people it's like magic - give it a go.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

I really don't see the problem. You're not married, your relationship is already becoming, or is, toxic and it is just going to get worse and getting married right now would be the worse thing you could do. She's got issues, the kind that don't go away. It's time to bail before you get really hurt.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

DrWally said:


> I said "she thought I cheated"


Gotcha. My mistake. I'm with the others. Your relationship has become toxic, and she's shown you how she deals with things. I'd move on to the next applicant. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And ditch the "friend"

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

My suggestion is that you should leave her. She proved with her actions that she is not a keeper. 

Also, what made her doubt your commitment? Sounds like she was looking for an excuse to have a go with your so-called friend.

I suggest that you dump this so-called friend as well, who slept with your GF.

No need to take chances with both of these individuals.

Also, before you leave your GF, inform her that you didn't slept with anybody because you are not a cheater like her.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

This is so depressing. God, how many threads have I read on this site where a devastated man tells us that his wife (or girlfriend) was screwed by his "best friend?"!!! It's almost enough to make a guy not want to have any friends, or at least never let his woman meet them. Life just sucks sometimes!


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

LeGenDary_Man said:


> My suggestion is that you should leave her. She proved with her actions that she is not a keeper.
> 
> Also, what made her doubt your commitment? *Sounds like she was looking for an excuse to have a go with your so-called friend.*I suggest that you dump this so-called friend as well, who slept with your GF.
> 
> ...


And what kind of "friend" would attempt to boink your woman? Kick that SOB out of your life as well. A guy doesn't need a "friend" like that. He's proved you could never trust him around any girlfriend you might have. It's obvious, he'd like to "have" her himself, and to hell with you!


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

thummper said:


> And what kind of "friend" would attempt to boink your woman? Kick that SOB out of your life as well. A guy doesn't need a "friend" like that. He's proved you could never trust him around any girlfriend you might have. It's obvious, he'd like to "have" her himself, and to hell with you!


When a male friend is with a good-looking intelligent, sparkly female, the thought always crosses my mind. 

The whole point about women not having male friends with whom they spend significant alone time, is that this is playing with fire!


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

That's a BIG 'amen,' my friend! :smthumbup:


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Deliberately taking action to make your GF "squirm" all night is not exactly the high road, IMO, but whatever.

I'd go to your so-called friend, tell him you know what happened, and advise him to stay away from both you and your GF from now on. And then forget about him.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

I noticed that in your original post you said, "I believed" she was the one. Can I take that to mean you're having second thoughts about committing to her. From what you've described, she certainly doesn't fit "the one" mold. Better consider moving on before you two get any more involved. Consider this a lesson learned.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Jeez... this is so simple. Ditch her, ditch the "friend" (AFTER you confront him and tell him you know EXACTLY what he did) and move on! If she's cheating now (and she DID by making out -- and who knows what else) she will cheat again.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I would meet with the friend and ask him how he rationalized boinking my girfriend. See if you cn tell you what really happened.

She told you she only kissed him. She is either really honest or more likely lying. I safy lying because she feels guilty enough to give you a free pass. I can't imagine anyone granting a free pass just for a kiss.

Good hunting.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Please help yourself and bail, she thought and it wound up as a two day fight? She had a revenge fling, that says all over to me.

If by some innane excuse you decide to keep her, we'll see you soon for the next round of she boinked your buddy


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## Quixotic (Jan 22, 2014)

Bail. Bail and be glad you weren't 8 years deep with a 6 year old and a 2 year old. 7 billion people on the planet. She ain't the one.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

How did she form the impression that you cheated? Did your 'friend' lie to her to make her think you had cheated?


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Ditch your toxic girlfriend, ditch your toxic friend, and do some growing up on your own part.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I think I'm either the third or fourth to ask, what made her think you were cheating?

All in all, if it was me, I wouldn't bother wanting to know any more because she isn't one to be trusted. 

What she did was childish and immature and friend you got a preview of what your life will be with her if you think that she's "The one". Dump her and your so called friend. Neither are worth keeping.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

She just kissed him- heard that before. 

Your "buddy" was awful quick to try to jump her bones. Are you sure this hasn't been going on for a while?


FWIW, your buddy is no friend. Confront that a$$wipe and cut him out of your life like a cancer.

Your GF is no better than your buddy. Kick her to the curb or understand that you will be putting up with this crap as long as you are with her.

Get checked for STDs. Yes, she's most likely been boning your buddy.


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## DiamondsandRust (Jan 21, 2014)

not healthy to get even by cheating. 

My wife of 6 years cheated on me and trust me you dont wanna deal with it. 
If she cheated on you now, and tells you to get even. then every time she gets mad at you she will do the same thing and tell you to get even. 

If you want a future wife, You'll be better of finding another woman.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What a weak way to get laid.... Telling your buddies chick that he's cheating on her.

I suggest you find friends that can get their own chick without making crap up to get yours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

thummper said:


> This is so depressing. God, how many threads have I read on this site where a devastated man tells us that his wife (or girlfriend) was screwed by his "best friend?"!!! It's almost enough to make a guy not want to have any friends, or at least never let his woman meet them. Life just sucks sometimes!


This.

I have at this very moment one young workmate whose girlfriend slept with TWO of his best friends, he is only barely recovering from it all.

And worse, a senior plumber in my company, whose wife has been showing textbook signs of an affair for over a year (I hear it all, everyday) but convinced him she just "didn't know what she wanted, needed to find herself" blahblahblah as her excuse for wanting to leave the marriage and 2 kids. 

She mentioned his best friend/neighbour ONE TOO MANY TIMES out of context, and the penny dropped for my workmate. He kept his eyes open, and sure enough, she had been having an affair with his best friend/neighbour. 

It is a story that is playing out as I type this, I am worried he is going to kill himself actually, he is completely broken.

You can never let your guard down it seems, not even in your own castle

edit: what makes it worse is that she seemed to be pushing/aiming for him to leave his house, with the end goal being moving the friend in to be "Dad". And she had already been laying the groundwork, letting the "friend" take the kids to movies, play footy, etc, with their kids, to familiarize them with him in that role.

And I just know he is going to rugsweep it all in his desperation to just take her back and have his family back, and there is nothing anyone can say to open his eyes.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If you marry something like this, you'll only just open yourself up to Acts 2, 3, 4, and 5 of countless heartbreak, in addition to Act 1, that you've already so heartbreakingly endured.

She's already shown that "this friend of hers" is something more than a passing interest, so my advise is to just cut your losses while you can. You, seemingly, are nothing more than her Plan B. Please go out and get yourself a copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy!

After sordid actions like these, what in your heart would even make you consider feeling that she's worth it!

You ain't married to her yet, so just thank God profusely that you haven't taken that fatal step!*


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## Quixotic (Jan 22, 2014)

The Cro-Magnon said:


> This.
> 
> I have at this very moment one young workmate whose girlfriend slept with TWO of his best friends, he is only barely recovering from it all.
> 
> ...


Well... on the flip side, I married my best friends sister. Still got stung. The issue is not whoever is within your sphere of influence, but who you choose to be with. A cheater is a self-involved animal, toxic friends or not.

.02


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You two need to break up and grow up. 

How old are you?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Only teens "make out". What exactly does that mean anyway? First base? Second base? Third base?


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## bartendersfriend (Oct 14, 2013)

thummper said:


> This is so depressing. God, how many threads have I read on this site where a devastated man tells us that his wife (or girlfriend) was screwed by his "best friend?"!!! It's almost enough to make a guy not want to have any friends, or at least never let his woman meet them. Life just sucks sometimes!


Tell me about it. My "best friend" of 25+ years was trying to seduce my wife over email/chat and even behind my back when he would visit my house. I guess it is a good thing I don't have other close friends, because I don't want friends right now. 

I am sorry OP for the situation and I know what you are going through is tough. But, I agree, knowing that your gf is capable of, I would tend to agree with the other advice on here. Move on...

I may eventually post my story, but I will just be another one of these depressing "best friend" stories. Life definitely sucks sometimes.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

My friends know how I am. An ass beating would ensue.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I also had a so called 'best friend' trying to seduce my wife. A real POS womanizer. It's unbelievable how many times he cheated on his wife during 23 yrs of marriage. He was so busy raiding others' houses he forgot about his own. His two children weren't his. His wife pulled a fast one on him. He is battling severe depression now.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

The friends pull this crap for the same reason the wifes cheat. No respect for the op, and a belief that nothing will happen if they get caught.

Nobody does this to an alpha or any man who has a history of not accepting bs.

My friends would never dare.

Op, pull the trigger. Why is this even a debate? Oh, and expose to all.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

DrWally said:


> I'm tying to make this quick and too the point.
> 
> My girlfriend of almost a year; who I believed may have been the "one", thought I cheated on her. After a heated two day argument I was able to prove my innocents but within the 48hrs of intense fighting she went out for drinks with a long time buddy of mine and I find out that the two were making out at the bar and he attempted to invite himself over to get a little more that night.
> 
> ...


Back in June you were dating two girls and trying to decide which one was the right one, the wild one or the safe one. One you had been with for 6 years.

I get the feeling that you were cheating on both of them, unless both knew about this.

So, the point being is that this new GF thought you were cheating based upon past behaviors (IMO), it exploded for two days, you somehow proved that you did not cheat and she went out and made out with one of your good buddies.

Your question is?


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