# temporary Separation please help



## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

alright so I have wrote a few blogs on here about whats going on in my life at the moment but okay so here is my thing. SO at this time I am separated from my husband but not legally . He is currently Stationed in Alaska for work being in the army and all. we have been married for a little over four years . I now live Or shall I say staying in Seattle Washington .

we have had some rocky moments that led us to this . he wanted me to come home and work on me and basically stay here until he is due to leave Alaska to his next duty station. which is about 5 months or so from now.

he told me if it works out and what not that I will come with him to his next place of where they station him.

this is all going up and down and it's taking a toll on me.
he barley has anything to do with me . the phone calls are about 10 mins in the morning and sometimes phone calls are very dead with nothing to say .

all the things i complain about he told me well deal with it i put my self here and that when it comes time to for him to leave alaska then thats when he will worry about all this **** and that we cant really see where this is going until we are back together and if it work then it works if it doesnt then its over.


it seems i am the one fighting for this and not really him.
should I give him space? should I have him be the one to tell me he loves me first? what im trying to ask should he be the one now to put in all the effort as far as the calls go and the i miss yous and the i love yous and instant messenger thingy because when i atempt i half the time get let down.

i just dont get it .. one min hes like i love you and all sweet and misses me and is all good and another hes moody and doesnt care for what i have to say and just wants to get off the phone.

i really do need support with this right now. anything advice would help. I just dont want to lose him you know.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

The first thing you should do is breathe and try not to panic...the next thing to do would be to relax and re-evaluate everything that's going on here.

I'm not sure of all the details...my best advice would be to keep the lines of communication open, no matter how slight they may be. It sounds as if he is struggling with more than just the relationship...not sure if there is a possibility of someone else or not but if you can rule that out, it helps.

Give it time...make sure you are prepared in case things don't work out. Have a job, a place to stay and a support group close by...

Don't push too hard but don't not let him know you still care and want to work things out...

Preacher


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

JDPreacher said:


> The first thing you should do is breathe and try not to panic...the next thing to do would be to relax and re-evaluate everything that's going on here.
> 
> I'm not sure of all the details...my best advice would be to keep the lines of communication open, no matter how slight they may be. It sounds as if he is struggling with more than just the relationship...not sure if there is a possibility of someone else or not but if you can rule that out, it helps.
> 
> ...


I know what you mean about keeping any line of communication open it's just that I am tired of the one showing all the effort. and about this not letting him know I care thing how does that work?


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Kind of let him guide how much and how he wants to you be there. Even if the conversation you have is benign...don't let it worry you if you have to steer it...

Doesn't matter if you have to "do all the work" or not...he's being aloof because he either has someone else, he's looking at someone else or because he just doesn't know what to do right now.

Be patient and make sure you have a plan if things don't work out...

Preacher


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

JDPreacher said:


> Kind of let him guide how much and how he wants to you be there. Even if the conversation you have is benign...don't let it worry you if you have to steer it...
> 
> Doesn't matter if you have to "do all the work" or not...he's being aloof because he either has someone else, he's looking at someone else or because he just doesn't know what to do right now.


sound advice, i couldn't agree more...then..here we go again....




JDPreacher said:


> Be patient and make sure you have a plan if things don't work out...


sounds an awful lot like "exit strategy" again. plan to lose. hmmm

imagine if the 1972 dolphins had a "plan" for if they lost a game. i wonder if they would have finished 17-0 and super bowl champs?


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

I only speak from experience and education...you always hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

You can always try and work on things but at the same time you need to be prepared for what you are going to do if things don't work. That way, if things don't go as planned, as you like them to, as you want them to, as you think they should, you're not sitting around wondering where you're going to live, how things are going to get paid and the endless list of "what ifs" has already started to collect answers.

Preacher


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## brownie (Jul 28, 2009)

I think you should follow your heart. If you still love him and want to tell him or show it in some other way, go for it. 

One thing I am learning in life is that you don't want to take action (or not) based on what other people do. In the end, you could regret it. 

My H doesn't say ILY to me (read posts) but if I am feeling it, I say it, completely accepting the fact that he may or may not respond. I feel better because I did what I wanted to do instead of letting his actions, or my fear, keep me from doing what I believe to be the right think.

Best to you...


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## brownie (Jul 28, 2009)

sorry, meant the right THING


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