# if my wife is angry is it better to let her calm down?



## h20 (Mar 9, 2009)

I was wondering if a woman is angry is it best to let it be and wait to try and talk about it?

In the past I have pushed the issue, last night I almost did as well...

I know she has a lot of stress, just seems like something set her off...


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

Honesty from my experience.... Will admit to pushing him hoping to see some of the same passion, even if passionate anger, in him as I am feeling. To get NO reaction, or see him walk away makes me feel like he doesn't feel. 

I know... sounds stupid, really IS stupid but there is something about feeling mad, then getting more angry that the issue at hand does not mean enough to him to bring much of any reaction....

Not saying I like or need the fight, but sometimes it just builds out of frustration that an issue seems to mean nothing, or worse yet, that I don't feel I am worth a reaction to him....

Guess I would need to know more to say if I think this may be it... or hell, maybe I am just a total weirdo and no other woman on earth does thing HAHA

I hope not... I like being unique, but this one would make me look just plain NUTS HAHA


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## h20 (Mar 9, 2009)

well... this is coupled w. going through a rough patch.

previous post:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/20225-what-do.html

Partnered w. nothing going right last night in the kitchen (well before bed) she stormed off,|mentioned that she was tired of me, tired of the house, (to my knowledge yesterday I didnt do anything wrong) went into the computer room. I cleaned up what was botched.

We watched tv like we usually do, than after getting ready for bed she stormed off into the guest room.


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

h20 said:


> well... this is coupled w. going through a rough patch.
> 
> previous post:
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/20225-what-do.html
> ...


then it's likely that the anger she shows has more to do with the rough patch and how you are reacting to that. You are best to sit down, being as attentive as possible, and ask her what is really wrong and what she needs for you to do. Let her yell a bit, and you can react, but don't over react. Her yelling might be what she feels she needs to do for you to hear her and see her. Hard to explain... just going by what I have needed lately, and what I had hoped for in certain situations where my volume was up. Was crying for help in the big picture, and just using the little picture to bring that up. Ya, I know, soooo not what works for men, but sometimes you have to give what works for her, before she can hear what works for you. Ladies first works for more than just doorways... just sayin (ya, not fair, but still true)

Women often feel like they are sucking it up for the man (more than you realize) and sometimes we really need for you to suck it up and let us do what we need to regardless of fair. In the end it will serve you both (trust me, she has done it for you, you just don't see it... ask her, I am sure she will point out lots of times she feels like she did that for you and it went right over your head)


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## RunningOnEmpty (Aug 29, 2010)

I would say it depends if she is just angry... or looking for a fight. 

I've become very adept at identifying when my wife is looking for a fight just because.

Lately, when I see her in that mood, I just avoid her. And when she starts being confrontational, I don't react, try to defuse the tension, to scale things down, to think with a cool head, change the subject, etc.

Well, when she is in for a fight, she chases me around the house. Initiating conversations that would lead to a fight. Eventually, if I am successful in not biting the bait, she corners me with a 'you don't have anything to say? Are you going to ignore me all day? I can't deal with your apathy!' and on and on.

If everything else fails, she just starts crying, because she knows I hate it when she is sad or crying.


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

Will admit that sometimes I am just looking for a reaction, ya know, some sign that you are in there and also have some sort of emotion attached to the issue, so walking away just makes it worse... All depends on the fight, what it's about (the BS or a bigger issue). Wish I could hand out a guide book on this one, but hell, sometimes I don't know what am looking for till it's too heated to do anything about it.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I can only tell you that many people are addicted to their own anger. They wield it like a scalpel. It's like a dry drunk who wants everyone to be terrified and walking on eggshells all the time. Sometimes it's chemical like long term depression or bipolar affective disorder. Other times it's just learned behavior. Real Life Ya-Ya Sisterhood stuff. 

If you think her anger is just normal irritation, there's no reason that reasonably mature people can't quietly talk about it after a few minutes. If she's just playing girl games ("You should be able to read my mind!) then what's the point? And if she's full on Wuarnos, look out!


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