# If you were going to die tomorrow...



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

...and only one person could sit by your side at your death bed and comfort you while you pass, who would it be?


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I do not want to be remembered as weak and pathetic. I want to die alone.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I picked Dug, but our daughter was a close second.


----------



## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Jesus, and I'm Jewish. Joe Pesci is a close second.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I want to die while posting on TAM. The reason I want this is because


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> I want to die while posting on TAM. The reason I want this is because


You forgot the a,syiopzhewd;umw]kj


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

The only acceptable answer for me is to have ALL of my children with me if I were to die tomorrow. As it is my special day then I want it done my way.


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> The only acceptable answer for me is to have ALL of my children with me if I were to die tomorrow. As it is my special day then I want it done my way.


No changing the parameters. If you were really dying tomorrow and you can only have 1 person at your side, who would it be?


----------



## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

Wow I was thinking about this today as I drove by the nursing home my father died at in June. We were out of town and he died alone. I was not a fan of my father due to childhood abuse but I felt really sad about it.

I would want my wife.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I feel badly not choosing my parents, of course, I'd want them there - but if I can only pick one person, it'd be my boyfriend. He loves me. If my grandmother on my dad's side was still alive, it'd be her.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> No changing the parameters. If you were really dying tomorrow and you can only have 1 person at your side, who would it be?


Just to be really annoying I am refusing to change my answer >

This is a real life experience for me, my Mum passed away with all 4 of her children holding onto her. It was magical and humbling.


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> I feel badly not choosing my parents, of course, I'd want them there - but if I can only pick one person, it'd be my boyfriend. He loves me. If my grandmother on my dad's side was still alive, it'd be her.


This type of answer is why they ask the question. If you didn't know it before, now you do, your BF is obviously "the one".


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I would want my wife. My baby girl has been there for me always..i would be sad and ashames for dying and leaving her alone...so i know i would make her swear to me to not live her life alone, she deserves every happiness...always. 

I believe i have had a a great run, better than i deserve...been all over, met soooo many interesting people, had 3 sons and a woman that loves me as I love her. If this has been my karma, my purpose, then i am forever grateful for the happiness that has been bestowed upon me, i know in my soul that i am but an unworthy sinner that owes the world much more than i could ever repay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> This type of answer is why they ask the question. If you didn't know it before, now you do, your BF is obviously "the one".


Yea, I think so. Who would you choose, Lucas?


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

My wife.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

tech-novelist said:


> You forgot the a,syiopzhewd;umw]kj


Aaaauuuuugggggggg.

How many will get this? Probably not many women. Well American women that is.


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Yea, I think so. Who would you choose, Lucas?


I chose my wife which was very illuminating to me. It was on the way home from after answering that question that I brought up possibly trying to work it out. I would have sworn that I would choose one of my sisters (parents are dead). When I really thought about it and answered honestly it was still my wife. After everything, still her. Her actions since it all went down played a big part in that decision. I never got any blame shifting, marriage rewriting, and not really much trickle truth. I got her being very sorry, remorseful, humble. She endured a lot of my rage. I can rage with the best of them. Once I found out what happened with AP3 I felt so ashamed of myself. She deserved the anger but to carry the burden of that alone and endure my rage for the sake of staying together is more than I could have asked as far as "doing the work" to earn a 2nd chance.

I was always a zero tolerance policy guy on stuff like this but this whole thing has helped me grow up a bit. Absolutes are not behavior traits of a grown up. They're behavior traits of an emotionally immature person.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> I chose my wife which was very illuminating to me. It was on the way home from after answering that question that I brought up possibly trying to work it out. I would have sworn that I would choose one of my sisters (parents are dead). When I really thought about it and answered honestly it was still my wife. After everything, still her. Her actions since it all went down played a big part in that decision. I never got any blame shifting, marriage rewriting, and not really much trickle truth. I got her being very sorry, remorseful, humble. She endured a lot of my rage. I can rage with the best of them. Once I found out what happened with AP3 I felt so ashamed of myself. She deserved the anger but to carry the burden of that alone and endure my rage for the sake of staying together is more than I could have asked as far as "doing the work" to earn a 2nd chance.
> 
> I was always a zero tolerance policy guy on stuff like this but this whole thing has helped me grow up a bit. Absolutes are not behavior traits of a grown up. They're behavior traits of an emotionally immature person.


Maybe her behaviors had more to do with something lack within herself, than it had to do with you. It is hard to not take cheating personally, but you are managing to rise above all of that. Hoping it works out. She should feel lucky you are giving her this chance, too.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

LucasJackson said:


> I chose my wife which was very illuminating to me. It was on the way home from after answering that question that I brought up possibly trying to work it out. I would have sworn that I would choose one of my sisters (parents are dead). When I really thought about it and answered honestly it was still my wife. After everything, still her. Her actions since it all went down played a big part in that decision. I never got any blame shifting, marriage rewriting, and not really much trickle truth. I got her being very sorry, remorseful, humble. She endured a lot of my rage. I can rage with the best of them. Once I found out what happened with AP3 I felt so ashamed of myself. She deserved the anger but to carry the burden of that alone and endure my rage for the sake of staying together is more than I could have asked as far as "doing the work" to earn a 2nd chance.
> 
> I was always a zero tolerance policy guy on stuff like this but this whole thing has helped me grow up a bit. Absolutes are not behavior traits of a grown up. They're behavior traits of an emotionally immature person.


Incredibly mature post. You have really grown, Lucas. Hats off.


----------



## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

The one person I would choose tomorrow, is my mother. We are very close, and I tell her everything. She knows me better than anyone, I would want her to be the last face I saw, and the last hand I held.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

I hope alone, because it will probably be doing something mindful, yet foolish...


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Not just sitting with me..... I've already told him he must be laying in the bed cuddling with me. Perfect way to go. I've told him that if i'm ever in a coma, completely unresponsive....never stop touching me. Because his hands are soooooooooo warm and soothing and sensual and loving and and and..... I'll know he is there. I'll know.


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

blueinbr said:


> I want to die while posting on TAM. The reason I want this is because


While posting from the Castle of Aaaauuuggghhh?


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Guess I expect to be alone But would be great to have someone like a wife or GF at my side


----------



## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

Despite everything my husband.... don't want my kids to see me like that. But, chances are it will be alone since he'll go first


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

heartbroken50 said:


> Despite everything my husband.... don't want my kids to see me like that. But, chances are it will be alone since he'll go first


((((heartbroken)))) 

You are so good to him. He really does not deserve such kindness. He is really lucky to get it, anyway.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Guess I expect to be alone But would be great to have someone like a wife or GF at my side


You have two daughters, no? Maybe they will be with you?


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Well I guess my answer would be no one. If I would get to choose, I would like to die doing something and not fading off into the sunset bedridden. The last thing I would want to do is interfere with some one else's enjoyment of whatever activity I was engaged in.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

The president of our health insurance carrier.


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Cooper said:


> The president of our health insurance carrier.


So you want to die quickly?


----------



## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

1 person, it would have been my recently ex partner without a doubt, until I found out just how little worth I had in her eyes.
Now it would be my youngest son, or one of my parents, because they could share the experience with the rest of my family/important people.
I have a couple of friends who are involved in variations of psychopomp work, so that would be cool - but they're a long way away and the moment is "family special" - in that it's not about me, but about having them to have a chance with a loved one to the end.

As for doctors etc. Just another paycheck/statistic to them unless the case is somehow exciting. So no thanks.
However if you're saying "only one being"....I always walk with my goddess (and god) so I'm never truly alone.


----------



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

Could it be an animal instead of a person? I'd like to see my cat Sal one more time, even though she's been dead for 5 years. She was my best friend and biggest fan for 16 years. She passed so suddenly I didn't have time to say a proper good-bye.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

jld said:


> You have two daughters, no? Maybe they will be with you?


Yes but that seems strange to me. I don't want a last memory of me to be dying. Especially if it's a violent death. Rather they weren't with me at all then


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

My husband, for sure. He truly has been the only one that has been there for me for the last 19 years.

This reminds me that I should do my best to make it work. I WANT it to work; I don't think that has ever been in question.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

The ideal passing would be to slip away peacefully during sleep. No-one needing to be there.

It depends on circumstance. Last spring, I was at someone's bedside. Knowing they loved gardens, I'd brought blossoms to their bedside and held their hand prior to passing. My heart now gets stuck when seeing blossom. It was simultaneously an honor and a heartbreak - the heartbreak because they consciously felt and expressed pain. Sadly, it was not a peaceful passing. I've found these experiences remain with me at a level that is not easily expressed. But I know I wouldn't want my husband to have to deal with that.


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

SunnyT said:


> Not just sitting with me..... I've already told him he must be laying in the bed cuddling with me. Perfect way to go. I've told him that if i'm ever in a coma, completely unresponsive....never stop touching me. Because his hands are soooooooooo warm and soothing and sensual and loving and and and..... I'll know he is there. I'll know.


That is one of the most beautiful things i have read here.

Thank you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

LucasJackson said:


> ...and only one person could sit by your side at your death bed and comfort you while you pass, who would it be?


Well my wife would be the one

Of course my four children and three grand babies would get the next call

However if there are death bed fantasies 

Richard Nixon So I could tell him to GFY

55


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Hmm, as to the method of my death, I'd much rather they just had to assume I was dead based on the size of the crater. Another reason I don't want anyone nearby. 




heartsbeating said:


> The ideal passing would be to slip away peacefully during sleep. No-one needing to be there.
> 
> It depends on circumstance. Last spring, I was at someone's bedside. Knowing they loved gardens, I'd brought blossoms to their bedside and held their hand prior to passing. My heart now gets stuck when seeing blossom. It was simultaneously an honor and a heartbreak - the heartbreak because they consciously felt and expressed pain. Sadly, it was not a peaceful passing. I've found these experiences remain with me at a level that is not easily expressed. But I know I wouldn't want my husband to have to deal with that.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

A TAM moderator to ban me while I'm still breathing... I'm not big on those posthumous type gigs...


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

My husband. Even though he has already passed on, I know he'll be by my side. And, if he isn't, well let's just say that eternity is a long time to be chased by an angry wife. Just because he's dead doesn't mean he's off the hook.


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Having dealt with situation enough, more often than not the person dying is rarely aware of anyone by their death bed. However surviving loved ones often need the support of others. If my wife survives my passing I hope she will have family to comfort her at my bedside while I pass on. That would be my wish. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I would choose my daughter, definitely not my wife. I wouldn't want to spend my last hours with someone I know doesn't care about me.


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

IRL - when it was time to remove my sister from life support, absent was her long time SO. They were not married but my sister gave him primary POA. My brother and I shared secondary. We were all gathered and waiting for him, sister's SO. The lead physician called him three times, each time he hung up. Finally the lead doctor looked to my brother and I. One of the worst days, having to make that decision. But there really was nothin else that could be done for her. We, the whole family, we're all there in support of each other.

Where was the SO? He was attempting to empty her bank account, change her life insurance and retirement policies, making him the recipient. He even tried to change the title on her house. He failed mostly. Although, we don't know about the house. We currently co-own the property with him, ugh. He even had his lawyer call us up trying to convince us, this was my sisters intentions - bull sh!t. 

I want more than anything for my surviving loved ones to support each other without any back stabbing. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I would want it to be my either my brother or my sister...though I think both of my kids would be upset if I choose a sibling and not them. But if I could only pick one, it would be a sibling.


----------



## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

heartsbeating said:


> The ideal passing would be to slip away peacefully during sleep. No-one needing to be there.


Same here. I would prefer to go in my sleep.


----------



## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

giddiot said:


> Wow I was thinking about this today as I drove by the nursing home my father died at in June. We were out of town and he died alone. I was not a fan of my father due to childhood abuse but I felt really sad about it.
> 
> I would want my wife.


I will say that I cared for my parents till both's lives ended. Despite that my parents abused me as a child I did what Jesus would do and took care of them. Something really strange is that I was the only one of his children that he trusted I ended up in charge of his estate and care. I guess because I was the only responsible one. Sorry for hijacking this, it has just brought a lot of feelings out into the open for me.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LucasJackson said:


> ...and only one person could sit by your side at your death bed and comfort you while you pass, who would it be?


I wanted to answer: "all of the above" but that wasn't an option!


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Honestly I wouldn't want anyone there, I was with both my parents and my grandmother as they passed and it's not a wonderful experience, I don't want anyone I love going thru that for my benefit.


----------



## Peaf (Feb 8, 2016)

My dad. He's always helped me find the courage to take steps I thought were impossible, always reminds me of my strenths and abilities. He'd likely make it seem like the beginning of a new adventure and send me off with a stupid joke and a smile.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

heartbroken50 said:


> Despite everything my husband.... don't want my kids to see me like that. But, chances are it will be alone since he'll go first


Aw, don't deny your kids the chance to be with you lovely...I was with my dad, along with mum and my 2 brothers. He passed at home, surrounded by his family. I'm so glad I was there...dad never let my hand go when I was a little girl and worried...I wasn't about to let go of his when he needed us most...



Wolf1974 said:


> Guess I expect to be alone But would be great to have someone like a wife or GF at my side


Aw your girls would want to be with you x



SunnyT said:


> Not just sitting with me..... I've already told him he must be laying in the bed cuddling with me. Perfect way to go. I've told him that if i'm ever in a coma, completely unresponsive....never stop touching me. Because his hands are soooooooooo warm and soothing and sensual and loving and and and..... I'll know he is there. I'll know.


^^This. This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read and I second it 100%. I find my husbands presence incredibly comforting...how lucky would I be to pass in his arms. But then, I think it's better if he goes first...I can't bear the thought of him being sad.

I would want him with me, absolutely. My mumma is a close second.


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

For me, what breaks my heart is how many times she has been forced to choose to believe i was alive, even when all signs pointed to the contrary..when i couldnt get word to her that i was still breathing. The pain, the shear terror she went through...for months on end..i could never put her through that again. When im gone, she must know that this part of her life is over and more life remains for her. I just cant let her go through the not knowing...for sure...ever again. I refuse to construct a prison for her through my passing. 

She has too much to share and too much love in her heart to pine away for me and what we have. That is the source of my shame, that is the source of my sadness at the thought of my own passing...the thought of her being alone or being lonely. I just cant bear that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

I’ve watched people die including ones I love, maybe too many. I do not want leave someone I love with those memories.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

LucasJackson said:


> No changing the parameters. If you were really dying tomorrow and you can only have 1 person at your side, who would it be?


*Greatly provided that I had a wife who I could trust with all of my heart, I would unhesitatingly choose her! That has not and probably will never happen. But in that regard, I sincerely hope that I'm wrong!

Having said that, the person who I trust the most in my life is my eldest son, as his unselfish character and unwavering allegiance would permit him to stay with me during my final hours! He's simply a great young man!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *Greatly provided that I had a wife who I could trust with all of my heart, I would unhesitatingly choose her! That has not and probably will never happen. But in that regard, I sincerely hope that I'm wrong!
> 
> Having said that, the person who I trust the most in my life is my eldest son, as his unselfish character and unwavering allegiance would permit him to stay with me during my final hours! He's simply a great young man!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My eldest is like yours -a heart big enough for the whole world. We Good Sir, are lucky lucky men.


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

I would love to be able to say my wife but she passed in '93. I'm sad to say I wasn't there for her. I'll regret that 'till it's my turn to go.


----------



## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

lucasjackson said:


> if you were going to die tomorrow...and only one person could sit by your side at your death bed and comfort you while you pass, who would it be?


smg15


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

"other" or the choice that wasn't there.

It would have to be the one person I felt secure with. Would that be a wife, sibling, friend, priest or child? I don't know. 

If it was truly tomorrow, as in Labor Day 2016, I would choose the nurse at my side to hold my hand. 

How do I know? I was there once before. I had a problem with my heart beating at around 400 bpm for a little while back in 1996. I think it was triggered by an electrocution from 480 VAC through both hands and across my heart to ground. A couple months later was when it happened. 

I was scared and resolute. They gave me digitalis and tried to get my heartbeat down. The nurse asked if there was anyone I wanted to call. I said, "no". I was between marriages. My children were still living at home and we weren't very close. In fact, none of my family was really very close. 

I didn't want to frighten my mother and make her race to the hospital. 

I asked the nurse to stay with me till it passed and hold my hand. That's all I wanted. She did. I prayed silently asking for forgiveness and in thankfulness for what little I had. I made it through. I was 34 years old. 

I'd probably do that again.


----------



## Richle (Sep 1, 2016)

Good question. I was surprised with my answer, which is no one. Yes, with death face to face and nobody around. In this case I won’t be afraid. Otherwise will be hard to go from people I love


----------



## Dallow Spicer (Sep 5, 2016)

my wife, even if we eventually do decide to divorce.


----------



## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

I would not pick my children now. They are still in elementary school and far too young to understand death. I'm not sure who I would pick. Death is a single moment at the end of your life, but it is only a moment. If you are not there for the death of a parent or friend, it doesn't diminish the time you had with them. And in some ways, it's hard to watch someone go. I've watched my mother and father fade away and die, but was not actually there the moment they passed. I've said goodbye to friends and my brother, but not at that moment. I don't know if I want anyone with me when I die. I'd rather be at peace that I spent good years mattering to others. You can't make up for lost time at the very end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I have been fortunate to have a good friend I made at work. She is also a widow. She had to pull the plug on her husband when it was obvious he wasn't going to make it. She is generous, compassionate, and certainly not a stranger to death experiences. I'd want her with me when I breathe my final breath. If not, I'd prefer to be alone.


----------

