# Drugs, porn, lies, please help!



## Hope floats (Mar 26, 2014)

I'm new here, not sure if I'm in the right place but I feel I need someone to talk to, some advice as well before I completely loose my mind!
My husband and and I got married almost 4 years ago. I love him dearly and I know he loves me but we have had a very rocky marriage. I did not know these things until after we were married. One day, Several months into the marriage I was doing some research on my computer and it just started acting crazy and locked up. I brought it to my brother to be fixed. 
I got on my hubby's laptop to finish my work and there was site after site after site of porn sites! I was upset and ask him about it and he pretty much said he didn't do it and don't know how those things got on his computer. About a week later I get a call from my brother and he tells me I have horrible viruses all over my computer and he jokingly said next time I let him fix my computer to delete my history because he didn't need to know my "BUISNESS" He proceeded to tell me it had porn sites all over it. I confronted my husband, him and I are the only ones using my computer, he completely denied it.
Fast forward about 4 months and I start noticing our cable bill went from $150 to $300 when I called the cable company they said that there was $150 in rentals, all porn movies and that the next months bill was on its way and it was $300 as well. I confront hubby once again, cry and pleading for the truth this time and he says he might have rented a few but not all those were his. He also was going wayyy over on cell phone data from looking at porn on his phone. He agreed to keep passwords on the computers and the cable to help with temptation. And he agreed to let me put spyware on his phone that showed all URL's he went to and also photos he takes. Yes, maybe that's wrong of me to do but I felt it gave me peace of mind and he actually said it helped him not to do it since I could see him if he did. My husband starting smoking weed and had an addiction to pain pills but after a year of fighting, lying and me pleading he finally stopped both of those.
It's been a rough few years and although things are better I am still very unhappy but trying everything I can to keep from getting a divorce. I know he still finds a way to few porn just not nearly as often. He is never interested in sex, maybe 2 times a month or so. I tell him how all this affects me and he just get angry but still denies he is looking at ANY Porn. Because of our trust issue I do looked thru his phone probably several times a week and he says he's okay with it. A few months ago I was looking thru a group chat his has with his softball buddies, like 10 of them and there was picure after picture of naked women and they are always saying vulgar things that pertain to these pictures and women in general. Half of these men are married but all are in relationships. It is completely rude to me and I feel very disrespected by my husband. I talked to him about it and he says it's all in fun and if I don't like it then don't look! I was really hurt!
Last straw I find a picture he took while he was at work in a closest or something and he took a picture of his erect penis. I didn't see this until about 4 days later. I confronted him and he said that he took that picture in our bathroom intending on sending it to me as a joke but forgot. I told him he wasn't being honest because we have wood flooring in our bathroom and the floor in the picture was like cemented sparkle. He just tells me I'm crazy and we got in a huge fight and haven't Spoke to each other in days!
I am so heartbroken and depressed and don't know what to do. I have NO ONE to talk to about this and I guess I'm just reaching out to anyone that might have experience, advice for me.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

PLEASE read my story - the link is in my signature. Your husband is up to a LOT more than just looking at porn, you can be very sure. The similarities between us are striking.

Your husband is deep into a porn addiction, and is probably also a full blown sex addict. Unless he does something about it right now, it will only get worse. Internet porn sites lead to chat sites which lead to hook up sites which leads to hookers and sex hook ups and all kinds of fun stuff, and chances are he's already sliding down the other side of the slippery slope.

I suggest you STOP having sex with him and get STD tested. If he wants to know why you won't have sex with him, tell him you know he's a liar and that he has a problem and that if he won't recognize his problem and do something about it, you will continue to separate your life from him and you will fiel for divorce.

If you do this, it *may* wake him up enough to get help. But he is going to need lifelong help. It's like being an alcoholic - you are never cured, you always have it, and you need to be always vigilant. HE needs to, not you. And like an alcoholic he will need to hit rock bottom before he is willing to even admit he has a problem. Losing you might be his rock bottom, or it may end up being him finding his penis in a hookers mouth on his couch in his apartment after you've kicked him out. Only time will tell, and only he will know.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Please take care of yourself and don't believe anything he says. Get help - lawyer, doctor, counselor, family, whoever you can tell. And you should tell people. Secrets flourish in the dark. Shine a light on them and they tend to shrivel up and die.


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## Hope floats (Mar 26, 2014)

Hope1964, thanks so much for your reply! It means a lot that you took the time to give me advice.
Wow, you have been thru so much, my heart hurts for you., it's so frustrating that we put our hearts and soul into these relationships and they just treat it like it's a joke.
I am not saying my hubby isn't headed in that direction but as of now I am pretty sure he hasn't cheated yet. I believe if things keep going like they are that he might eventually although he says he will ALWAYS be faithful.
I do want to work on things before we move to separation or divorce just not sure what the next steps are when he won't even tell the truth even when he's caught in a situation.
Do we try counciling and if we did I'm not sure if we should live together or separately?
Just so many hurt and confused feelings!
Thanks for sharing your story! I hope you guys are able to find happiness again! That's all I want as well


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

The only kind of counseling that would help him right now is sex addiction counseling. Until he admits he has a problem there's no use doing MC because he'll just continue to lie. To you and everyone else. You cannot work on things alone, and as long as he's lying, that's what you'd be doing.

You may think he isn't cheating, but what do you think the d!ck pic was for?? The one my husband took was to email around to other women. You can be SURE that's what it was for. Right now you're just believing everything he's telling you. when you KNOW he's lying.

Start snooping. Put a keylogger on his computer, spyware on his phone, whatever it takes to find out the real truth. He knows you look thru his phone so he just deletes what he doesn't want you to see. You have to do it without him knowing - that's the ONLY way to find out what he's really up to.


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