# how do i get my husband to initiate sex?



## pinkstang (Jun 27, 2013)

I have been married for ten years and i have PCOS. Some might not know what that is but one of my wonderful symptoms is little to no sex drive and no energy to even get bother . Well I recently started getting my health under control lost 25+ lbs i have energy and getting my sex drive back. Now I know my husband was okay with me hardly wanting it but now i am starting to and he wont even try. its like he gave up :'( he asked me tonight if i was in the mood i was like idk lets find out...and he went to bed never even bothered. because of my health he just let me initiate it but now i want him to try. how can i get him to initiate? I understand why he doesnt because it used to end with a "go to bed im tired" but that was over 6 mths and 25+lbs ago that i turned him down. I have hinted and i even came out and said Honey i want you to turn me on and keep getting nothing. I am ready to give up and live like 90 yr old's. hes 31 and im 29 btw married young no kids and yes we are still happy and inlove.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Your hubby initially had a sex drive while you did not.

Now you've lost weight and feel great with energy and your sex drive is finally coming back.

He more than likely did give up. Use it or lose it.

If a man is turned down for sex so many times, after a while he gives up and that's it.

You can't just decide change that because you have your sex drive back.

You were to take care of his needs, even if you weren't in the mood and he is to do the same for you. 

But if you didn't and now you want sex again,.......we'll, you understand.

You can't dictate when you guys have sex.

I would start initiating like crazy, dress up sexy, do his fantasies, talk dirty, you name it and be prepared for rejection because he went through it.

Wish you the best.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> I would start initiating like crazy, dress up sexy, do his fantasies, talk dirty, you name it and be prepared for rejection because he went through it.


:iagree:


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

Start flirting and teasing him. There are no kids in the house, I would be cooking dinner butt naked in 6 inch heels. I would be like Mariah Carey on that cribs episode, lingerie and heels whenever I'm home. I went through a period after loosing my job of having no sex drive and being depressed and husband got tired of asking, but when I got together, I started seducing him, sending freaky texts, dressing up more just to sit home with him and the kids, etc.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Your hubby initially had a sex drive while you did not.
> 
> Now you've lost weight and feel great with energy and your sex drive is finally coming back.
> 
> ...


I agree with what Mr. Cuddlebug said above! :iagree:

BTW Mrs. OP, for how long had your husband been sexless? Counting from the time you had bad health condition to today. 

It is possible that, when you were in bad health mode, you turned him down so many times, his subconscious mind turned off his drive out of respect to your condition, and he diverted his energies to work or other projects. Sexual energy is still energy, if all of your husband's energies has been diverted to work, there won't be anything left to "fire his engines". The trick is to redivert some of the energies back to sex with you. 

Or maybe if the sexless period is far too long, maybe he had to masturbate to cope with being sexless, and now has grown too accustomed to that habit. The solution is the same, need to find a trick to redivert his energy, from solo sex back to sex with you.

Either way, Mr. Cuddlebug's advice above is worth the try.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Congrats to you for getting your health issues in order!! That's really awesome!!
Flirt!Sext!Naughty pics via text! Do it all!You're going to have to climb out of the hole your pcos put you in with your sex life.The only way to do that is like Cuddlebug said, INITIATE!
After a while he'll start to feel safe again and he'll go back to initiating too.But you can't start slacking after he gets back into the groove.You have to keep building him up and making sure he feels desired and loved.When he feels desired he will respond 
Any chance you get,reach under his shirt and rub his chest and tease down to his waistband while kissing his neck.Maybe throw in some sexy comments too
If he's naked,make a point to touch him and tell him how sexy he is and how much you love his c**k  That always works for me!


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

I like all of the above suggestions. A lot of them mean you will still have to initiate sex in order to get him to initiate back... 

Also, can you tell him outright that you are getting your drive back and you would love for him to initiate sex whenever he wants to be intimate.. This means, even if your not feeling it you do it anyway.

This will please him as he will be getting sexually fulfilled and you will get the initiating part. Just be sure you never turn him down when he does initiate...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My rule of thumb is that you have to initiate 5 times for every time you rejected him before he can feel safe to initiate.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

I agree with WOM and would add...DO NOT REJECT HIM AGAIN. That has to be history otherwise he is back in the soup and you are a tease.


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## MrsDraper (May 27, 2013)

With PCOS it is so hard! Continue to work on the weight loss for both yourself and the marriage. You will feel so much better. It has a lot of nasty side effects (acne, hair growth) in addition to the excess weight. Those things will stop the more weight you shed. 
Make sure you take care of yourself and those side effects - it will make you more confident. You will dress better and feel better. And initiate lots!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Here is what you do: Make sure go to bed before he does. When he comes to bed be laying there naked and legs apart and be sure to give him a sly seductive look. If he dont hit it, get him to a doctor, because he is brain damaged. ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

He probably is getting you back.

He may have even figured out its not worth it.

See when men get put into a forced sexless state mentally they change... it can NEVER go back to what used to work when sex was not an issue.

Because you created that state albeit over a condition but he does not separate that from the sexless times, the denials etc.

I think you have to face reality he may no longer be that in to you.

In the back of his head is she put me through hell.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Trying2figureitout said:


> He probably is getting you back.
> 
> He may have even figured out its not worth it.
> 
> ...


Would a sincere apology from the OP be enough to soothe the feelings of the husband? Maybe that could help to gradually erase the bad memories?


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I agree with the others, your husband is likely gun-shy from past rejections. I say an apology and telling him you want him to initiate - and then do what you can to show him you want him.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Careful though. Once he gets the nerve to trust you enough to initiate, a single rejection will set you back ten fold.


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## pinkstang (Jun 27, 2013)

jeepgirl29 said:


> With PCOS it is so hard! Continue to work on the weight loss for both yourself and the marriage. You will feel so much better. It has a lot of nasty side effects (acne, hair growth) in addition to the excess weight. Those things will stop the more weight you shed.
> Make sure you take care of yourself and those side effects - it will make you more confident. You will dress better and feel better. And initiate lots!


thank you. I do have alot of the other side affects it took over my body and life  i hope the more i loose and the longer i stay in shape the more they diminish.



CuddleBug said:


> Your hubby initially had a sex drive while you did not.
> 
> Now you've lost weight and feel great with energy and your sex drive is finally coming back.
> 
> ...


Thanks  I know ur right it is a tad depressing though being the only one guess i know he he felt 



john_lord_b3 said:


> I agree with what Mr. Cuddlebug said above! :iagree:
> 
> BTW Mrs. OP, for how long had your husband been sexless? Counting from the time you had bad health condition to today.


i had it before we ever got together he know what he was getting been 13 years since hes been with me. hes never been sexless its always been at least twice a week on good weeks he got every day but that was maybe every few mths. but hes a man and a horn dog and always said twice was nothing


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

pinkstang said:


> i had it before we ever got together he know what he was getting been 13 years since hes been with me. hes never been sexless its always been at least twice a week on good weeks he got every day but that was maybe every few mths. but hes a man and a horn dog and always said twice was nothing


Whoa, that's a lot.. I don't understand how any man could have sex everyday.. I have it monthly (3 to 4 times a month) and I think that's already a lot.. but then I am LD so who am I to talk about how normal men feels.

Well, at least you care enough to attend to his needs, that's very very admirable of you :smthumbup::smthumbup: Weekends is a good day for prayers, so I will add extra prayers for your family. Have a nice weekend!


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## pinkstang (Jun 27, 2013)

john_lord_b3 said:


> Whoa, that's a lot.. I don't understand how any man could have sex everyday.. I have it monthly (3 to 4 times a month) and I think that's already a lot.. but then I am LD so who am I to talk about how normal men feels.
> 
> Well, at least you care enough to attend to his needs, that's very very admirable of you :smthumbup::smthumbup: Weekends is a good day for prayers, so I will add extra prayers for your family. Have a nice weekend!


lol thanks but that was maybe every few mths the love bug would bite me the norm was twice a week which killed him i thought that was normal for married couples but like i said hes a horn dog lol


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