# I can't help wondering



## aurora347 (Aug 1, 2010)

We have been married for 28 years. The first 15 years were great until she confessed that she had a 'one nighter' affair while she was back home visiting her parents.

Obviously I was hurt and upset. In addition to the hurt from betrayal I felt robbed of the pride of having a relationship that was built on complete and total trust. Up to that time I never had to wonder about what she was up to. If you've ever had that feeling of complete and total trust with another human being you'll understand why having it taken away is such a huge loss and can never be recovered with that person.

At the time of the affair I was ready to leave her but I could not leave my children. We have 4 girls and I feared what might happen if a strange man (her potential bf, spouse, whatever) would enter their lives. I take my role as protector very seriously. So, we stayed together.

Well, the kids are grown now. Right now she is home visiting her parents and I can't help but think a lot now about what happened 13 years ago. 

I can't be sure what she will do when she's there....and that's the problem....not being sure.

I'm wondering what she's doing up there.

I'm wondering if a sense of security is really just a myth.

I'm wondering what I should do next, if anything.

Can anybody help?


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## Wisp (Jul 17, 2010)

The problem you have is this was 13 years ago. It should have healed by now. 

Perhaps the fact that she is visiting her parents is upsetting you, scene of the crime, , does she know this. A good heart to heart talk is needed so she understands your anxieties. 

Why are you not with her, it may help you to be there and see things for yourself, or is the affair man in town and that is what concerns you.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Check her cell phone when she comes back. Or check the phone bill for texting, how long, which numbers. If any of those raise a red flag. Dig deeper.


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## aurora347 (Aug 1, 2010)

Wisp said:


> The problem you have is this was 13 years ago. It should have healed by now.


Probably, but I am a proud person. Not the best trait, I know.

[/QUOTE]Perhaps the fact that she is visiting her parents is upsetting you, scene of the crime, , does she know this. A good heart to heart talk is needed so she understands your anxieties.[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what is upsetting me. Yes, she knows it. 



[/QUOTE]Why are you not with her, it may help you to be there and see things for yourself, or is the affair man in town and that is what concerns you.[/QUOTE]

She has been out of work for several months now. I still have my job and can't take 5 weeks off work. She's not been doing anything here so she might as well go visit her aging parents. That is the logical response. I am a logical person and think she should be able to go see her parents. Unfortunately there is an emotional one, too. I have only been up to here home state once in the past 13 years. I did not have a good time. I felt so ashamed and decided I did not want to go through that again. I wasn't very good company on that trip.

Yes, the OM is there. He lives there and is divorced. I am concerned. I don't know if she'll see him or not. That leads me back to the original problem ....I just don't know what she'll do. I want to be able to feel and say to myself that I know my partner wouldn't betray me.


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## Wisp (Jul 17, 2010)

For now take Initfortheduration's advice . if there is nothing then I guess it is until next time..


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