# Well she admitted it, now what?



## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

I have been going through hell knowing my wife possibly cheated on me. She denied all. I finally confronted her with the evidence after a month of hell. See my other threads. She buckled under overwhelming evidence of internet affair. Also a real possibility of something physical. She was at a school for a month were she met him.
I have all his info and his wife's address ect. 

I feel as though a brick house is lifted off me. I'm in control of my emotions and I want to work this out. He is married I thought about contacting his wife. I don't think I should I want to reconcile this I think it was online only. What's next I love her, I think I can forgive her.................


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

01coltcolt said:


> I have been going through hell knowing my wife possibly cheated on me. She denied all. I finally confronted her with the evidence after a month of hell. See my other threads. She buckled under overwhelming evidence of internet affair.
> 
> I feel as though a brick house is lifted off me. I'm in control of my emotions and I want to work this out. He is married I thought about contacting his wife. I don't think I should I want to reconcile this I think it was online only. What's next I love her, I think I can forgive her.................


You absolutely need to contact his wife, both to end the affair , and to stop it continuing underground.

He will be too busy safe his own butt to be continuing to chase your wife.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I don't want a wife who refrains from an affair only because her "guy" happens to be in the dog house. If she wants to be somewhere else, that's where I want her, too. I wouldn't rat the guy out to his old lady. Unless he was one of my close friends, I probably wouldn't even assault him. This man hasn't taken anything the OP's wife hasn't offered freely. Get her to make a decision...you or other men. If her decision is "you", it comes with 100% complete transparency and if she gets caught even thinking about another guy, her butt hits the concrete. If her decision is "you", it comes with an agreement to attend marriage counseling. It's a little early to talk about forgiveness. The OP had to drag her, kicking and screaming, to tell the truth. Right now, I see zero evidence that she's even interested in staying married. Whether two people are screwing each other in their minds over the internet or in person in your bed, what's the real difference? Isn't the betrayal the same? While they were clicking away at the keyboard to each other, if your wife had magically popped into the other guy's presence, would she have fought him off? I'm guessing not. In that case, the only thing keeping your wife from full blown adultary was "opportunity". She would have been willing, he would have been willing. The bed doesn't care who's on it.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

I get it. Ive all ready laid down the law. about transparency. I want her to call him on speaker phone and as husband and wife let him know its us not him that's what I am asking for her to call him, and let her and I tell him your not wanted here. She refuses.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

01coltcolt said:


> I get it. Ive all ready laid down the law. about transparency. I want her to call him on speaker phone and as husband and wife let him know its us not him that's what I am asking for her to call him, and let her and I tell him your not wanted here. She refuses.


Well I guess it's time to kick her out and think about it.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

01coltcolt said:


> She refuses.


What the?? 
This made me mad when I read it... I'd tell her to eff off then.

I'm so sorry it has come this Mr Colt.

Time to play hard ball perhaps. If she thinks he is so great pack her bag...send her too him!

I know you love her (or the memory of the old her...before this) but your relationship can not survive when there is a 3rd person in it.

Come on...your a good man....you know you deserve better than this.


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## 310brooklyn818 (Apr 19, 2013)

01coltcolt said:


> I get it. Ive all ready laid down the law. about transparency. I want her to call him on speaker phone and as husband and wife let him know its us not him that's what I am asking for her to call him, and let her and I tell him your not wanted here. She refuses.


I did that, and unfortunately....it didn't work. Affair continued. Nothing will change until she see what she had lost.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She may need a visual aid....like her packed bags in a room at Motel 6 or an empty joint banking account. Sounds like she intends to cake eat a while longer.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

You need to expose to the OMW. Affaires thrive in the dark. If his wife knows, reality will hit him and chances are he will dump your wife like a ton of bricks.
Exposure works!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

She refuses?

Why the HELL do you still want to be with her?

Do you have children with her?

Self-esteem issues?

Love her? What do you love about her? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Refuses?

Oh hel1 no!

Time to show her the door. Cancel all joint credit cards or have her name removed. Take half the money in any joint accounts acounts and move it to accounts with only your name on it. If your pay check goes to a joint account change that too

Next cancel her cell phone if the account is in your name

She wants to know what it's like to be single, show her

Also expose the other man to his wife now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

The cell is not in my name.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Her refusal is showing you where her mind is at and indirectly showing you how you should be feeling right now.Obviously she isn't remorseful and feels she has to protect or shield her AP from contact with you.She isn't thinking about your feelings,she's still thinking of the AP's feelings.
If you plan on continuing to try despite her obvious desire to cake eat,be prepared to tell the AP's wife or prepare for the affair to go physical.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Who pays the cell phone bill?


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

01coltcolt said:


> She refuses.


Unacceptable. Pack her bags. Wish her good luck. Your way or the highway.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposé to the other guys wife.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

I told her the things that are not up for negotiation:
1. Passwords for com, email, and Phone
2. She breaks it off with him on the phone and I will be present. Delete all his info.
3. See a marriage councilor with me
4. Honestly try to make a effort towards us.
I will renforce these demands in counciling!
If the 4 dont happen I told her she chooses and there is the door. I mean it!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

This is sad. I am sorry you finally got the truth but at least it is the truth.

I hope your wife comes to her senses before you are done with her.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Forgiveness, given cheap is seldom valued. She's not willing to break contact. That should clue you in on who is more valuable in her eyes. Time to move on pal.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Exposing this to his wife is your choice. As far as you are your wife go, if you want to reconcile, the link below may help. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showthread.php?t=71714


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

01coltcolt said:


> I told her the things that are not up for negotiation:
> 1. Passwords for com, email, and Phone
> 2. She breaks it off with him on the phone and I will be present. Delete all his info.
> 3. See a marriage councilor with me
> ...


When is counselling? And why wait for that? 

Should'a been enforced by YOU yesterday. You don't need a counselor to back that up right now...it's NOT NEGOTIABLE.

Look around the forum...those who had an affair who really want to make amends to the BS jump through hopes and do the heavy lifting. If you wife fails to meet these reasonable demands, that should tell you something.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Oh Colt, I'm so sorry this has been such a nightmare for you!

Whats going on now? Has she come around? Have your demands been met? How are you?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

01coltcolt said:


> I get it. Ive all ready laid down the law. about transparency. I want her to call him on speaker phone and as husband and wife let him know its us not him that's what I am asking for her to call him, and let her and I tell him your not wanted here. She refuses.


Then divorce her.
Nothing else you can do.

Colt, if you had listened a month ago you would have had what you needed within a week to be where you are now.
If you keep being a doormat it'll take you another 3 months just to get her to stop contacting the guy.

Expose the OM with all the evidence you have to his wife 
Go to a lawyer.
Have her served divorce papers.

Do this stuff NOW like tonight get a hold of his wife.
Tomorrow go find a lawyer.

Do this NOW.

Why do you want a woman who treats you like ****?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I think Tacoma's right Colt. if she hasn't met all of your demands by now, get a lawyer and file. She needs a slap. I can't believe she would throw everything away like this.

On the positive side, I am now accepting applications for son in law... Bad joke?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> I think Tacoma's right Colt. if she hasn't met all of your demands by now, get a lawyer and file. She needs a slap. I can't believe she would throw everything away like this.


Yes, that's what she needs.
She needs to be hit hard with the reality of what she's doing.

It may cause her to bolt or it may cause her to relent but either way Colt will know exactly where he stands without having to be ripped apart for another month.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I think Tacoma's right Colt. if she hasn't met all of your demands by now, get a lawyer and file. She needs a slap. I can't believe she would throw everything away like this.
> 
> On the positive side, I am now accepting applications for son in law... Bad joke?


^LOL, good joke

Yes, we are getting somewhere now. The com, phone and Ipad are open an she showed me that she deleted him and blocked him. We started MC together today after few seperate sessions. Today together was the first session. There is hope on the horizon for us. 
We both want the samething and now I just have to give it to god...................................


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

What about the no contact call. This seems like a good idea to me. It would assert you in the position you should have always been in, not to mention be humiliating for OM.

Son in law application, back in the drawer.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

01coltcolt said:


> ^LOL, good joke
> 
> Yes, we are getting somewhere now. The com, phone and Ipad are open an she showed me that she deleted him and blocked him. We started MC together today after few seperate sessions. Today together was the first session. There is hope on the horizon for us.
> We both want the samething and now I just have to give it to god...................................


So she did all 4 things on the list?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

01coltcolt said:


> I get it. Ive all ready laid down the law. about transparency. I want her to call him on speaker phone and as husband and wife let him know its us not him that's what I am asking for her to call him, and let her and I tell him your not wanted here. She refuses.


No contact notification done in writing for a very good reason. If you do it via snail or email a record exists. By asking your wife to talk to him and tell him to not contact her anymore, you are asking her to contact him. You are asking her to talk to him.

There are sample no contact letters on this site and other places on the internet. She needs to write it and you be there when it's sent.

The two of you calling him is a bad idea. It's not going to work.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> No contact notification done in writing for a very good reason. If you do it via snail or email a record exists. By asking your wife to talk to him and tell him to not contact her anymore, you are asking her to contact him. You are asking her to talk to him.
> 
> There are sample no contact letters on this site and other places on the internet. She needs to write it and you be there when it's sent.
> 
> The two of you calling him is a bad idea. It's not going to work.


I agree, cause there is no point in a call. It would just push the OM to find a way to contact her behind my back. To see if I forced her to do it. Letter is a good Idea! thank you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

01coltcolt said:


> I agree, cause there is no point in a call. It would just push the OM to find a way to contact her behind my back. To see if I forced her to do it. Letter is a good Idea! thank you.


Then if he contacts her again. The next response is a letter telling him that your wife asked him not to contact her ever, if he does she will file stalking charges against him.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

And what about tellng his wife?


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## I'm me (Nov 19, 2011)

Any updates?


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