# Upsetting email from stbxhusband



## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

Short update. been going through divorce since nov 2010 and the date has been pushed back onto nov 2011. each day is a struggle and today, (as i'm living back home) my family and I had to go to food pantry just to get by. my job did not have work during the summer, so i relied on my parents and school's financial aid. 

the point is there i am at the food pantry, looking at my cell phone only to find an email come in from husband. i was surprised because it was completely unexpected, havent talked to him since a few days before serving him with the papers last nov2010. Immediately that feeling of , what did I do? did I provoke something that he would do this me? feeling came back. husband was abusive, had many addictions, and infidelity with prostitutes. he always made me believe that whatever i felt was wrong with the way he said things to me, until I believed him over my instincts. and that feeling came back today. 

he wrote: "I just want to know how are things going with you? I hope you are well. It has been a long time since I spoke with u. How is your family doing? Anyways if I don't hear from you its ok I understand. I made the choice for many reasons why I divorced you. I just hope you are doing fine. Have a nice day. God bless you." 

At first, I laughed because I thought how whatever, I left. Then the more I thought about this email, I thought, how did he get my email? I blocked his email, until I realized he used a different one to the same hotmail account. And then I thought, what has he been telling people about me when I know what he did. And I thought all these irrational things, until I retraced my steps. 

I a) never contact him, b) changed my number last year c) is in the process of moving due to eviction d) we dont share the same circles and if we do only through a fb and i NEVER post anything personal, or updated about me. 

I just feel like my life was going 'fine' in terms of me fighting through life for survival and here comes a sour email from someone furthest of my mind. The last time this happened was in February. In my church young adults group, I was mingling and making lots of female friends. 2 of which I have established a strong bond. and then there was a mystery guy who took my interest (we never actually introduced, but each time he spoke i was like a googly eyed school girl). an email came from stbxhusband and i just felt my whole new healthy world i was working toward crashed apart around me. and it was hard too, because i stopped seeing my church pastor guidance counselor and therapist (termination of insurance). and i had to help pick up the pieces all over again by myself. today, that email gave me a similar feeling, but more an upset feeling, like why would he do this to me? it's over, he hurt me enough.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Send his emails to the Blacklist, block them, and continue to move on - if you do not want to re-establish communication with him. I wouldn't let it bother me; if he is starting to feel regret for leaving you, that is his problem, he will have to get over it.

If you do not want to be rude, reply back and tell him kindly that you are doing fine, thank you; and to please not contact you again. If he sends back a reply, then block his emails.


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## voryn (Jun 13, 2011)

brighterlight said:


> Send his emails to the Blacklist, block them, and continue to move on - if you do not want to re-establish communication with him. I wouldn't let it bother me; if he is starting to feel regret for leaving you, that is his problem, he will have to get over it.
> 
> If you do not want to be rude, reply back and tell him kindly that you are doing fine, thank you; and to please not contact you again. If he sends back a reply, then block his emails.


I agree with brighterlight, if you are trying to piece your life back together he could very well be on the rocks and lonely looking to reel you back into his life. If he was abusive and cheated on you, you need to cut him out of your life. People like that rarely ever change. And even if he did change, that doesn't just magically make all the bad things he did to you go away.


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

If your minister is your counselor and therapist he should be seeing you regardless of your insurance status.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

It almost feels like they can't stand the idea of you moving on completely without them doesn't it?

I think, I could be wrong, but if you ask to be left alone and he continues to respond, you can file for harassment. 

My stbx likes to go a few weeks before contacting me. He'll ask how Im doing, pretend to care, try to poke at any emotions he can, and then go right into trying to play with my head.

This is the same guy who's strung out on drugs, and sleeping with 17yr old girls...it's kind of laughable really.

he even made it a point to post on people facebooks that I'd see since I deleted him. So he's blocked, his family is blocked, and for now leaving my phone alone.

I try to look at it like this, and it might help you a bit. I take it as a joke. How funny is it that his life is so pathetic, he has to check in on you? 

It doesn't matter how bad things get for you, you're doing for you and doing what you need to, you're the stronger person. take pride in that first, and laugh about whatever it must be that is so horrible, he can't live without trying to bring you down.


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