# Little Help



## stamper (Jul 27, 2010)

Need alittle help here. Married 15 yrs, we have a 3 yr daughter who we both adore greatly. We have a good marriage with ups & downs like everyone, nothing major. I am 40 & wife is 36. I have recently come accross some disturbing behavior from her. She has been texting a male co-worker for about 3 months now at least 2 or 3 times a week average, sometims more sometimes less. Some texts are after work hours, with a few calls as well, but way more texts than calls. She had his number in her phone for about a month disgised as a girls number but now it's gone. I pay the cell phone bill so i see calls & texts every month. I came accross the number by accident, i was washing our cars and found a post-it note between the seats with his name & number. Also, she deletes all text messages from all co-workers. SO! I am tring to lay low and gather info, no real proof so don't want to accuse her of anything. We still have sex about 3 times a week, talks & have a good time with our daughter; so I don't get it!!??? Can a female shed some light on what she could be doing that maybe i am missing.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Not a female here but the symptoms of an EA or PA are there. Particularly the hiding, withholding and disguising of information. Continue to collect information. Have you asked her about this person and the relationship?


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

If you are only worried about what she might be missing in the marriage then I will only comment on that. I am betting she is looking for more personal attention. Someone complementing her beauty, maybe even her abilities ( at her job) and she COULD be missing it from you, or maybe she just needs more of it than you knew. Honestly, I think you should ask her what she needs from you emotionally so you know EXACTLY what it takes to make her feel good, so she doesn't fall into letting other people provide it. Best of luck with it all man.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

StarshipTrooper said:


> Dawn, I understand what you're saying, but that is one of those responses that comes a little too close to blaming the infidelity on the OP. EVERYONE that goes outside of the marriage for an affair is missing SOMETHING from their SO. Having an affair is NOT how you fix it.
> 
> Stamper. Your wife is in contact with another man and is hiding it from you. Period. That is infidelity. That gives you every right to snoop. That gives you every right to confront her. Whether you want to wait until you have more evidence is up to you. One thing I KNOW: she will deny it. I've read posts on this board where a naked man was climbing down off of a guys naked wife and she STILL denied there was anything going on.
> 
> ...


"As soon as you admit to it and show a willingness to work with me on why it happened and what WE need to do to fix it, *you'll* be sleeping in the guest room"

fixed your post


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

As a woman, I know of no legitimate reason to delete texts, disguise a man's number as a woman's, or lie about contact. Sorry. My boyfriend is always perfectly welcome to look at my texts, my phone log, my email, anything, as I have nothing to hide. Same goes for me looking at his stuff. We don't do it, because we trust each other, but the option is always there. 

As for what she could be missing that's making her do this...only she knows the answer to that. And while I'm not blaming you, I do agree that there may be something that she wants/needs that she feels she isn't getting from you. This does not make an affair your fault...it's still hers, because it's wrong to cheat and she should have tried to talk to you about what she wanted/needed so that things could be fixed.

If you want to find out what she feels might be missing, talk to her. Tell her you want to meet her needs, but she has to talk to you about them in order for you to do that. But also tell her that if she's cheating, or going to cheat, that she needs to come clean. If she does come clean, decide at that point how you feel and what you want to do about it.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Starship's comment and Chris's correction nailed it. Confront her, tell her your boundaries and let her know what the consequences will be until she owns up and decides to work on herself and the marriage.
And yes, I am a woman.


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## Liam_680 (Aug 31, 2010)

Her actions is a little suspicious and not knowing the real reason may be frustrating for you later on and start a fight when there is no need to.. if you have doubts or suspicions, its always better to ask and discuss. keeping it all to yourself will not solve anything and just make you more frustrated as days go by.. 

If there is nothing going on, your wife will gladly explain why and assure you of her love.


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## heatherlindsay (Sep 1, 2010)

What kind of disturbing behavior?

If she is flirting this is unacceptable behavior, and very disrespectful.

well that is obvious

Dont accuse her but tell her you have proof of her and what she has been doing,.ask her if it even worth asking her to start being more honest and faithfull.

Say "I feel like I deserve someone who isn't going to hide stuff from me and doesn't feel the need to look for any extra attention. 

Have you ever installed a key logger? ask someone about it, there could be ore she is hiding, You would be smart to monitor her actions or a month or so, and have every right to. If she has nothing to hide then why would it matter to her?


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