# mystery date...with a dilemma



## baloo (May 19, 2010)

My wife and I celebrated our 16th anniversary two weeks ago. My gift to her was the promise of a mystery date, which is booked for next Friday night. Before I present my “dilemma”, it might be best to outline the evening I have planned for us…

Mrs. Baloo will receive a series of notes revealing bits of what is to come and instructions to follow. I’ll text her at 3:30 pm (right after she finishes her post-work run) and tell her to open the first note (which will be planted in her car), which will be addressed to a fun and playful alter ego alias my wife had created for herself long before I met her. That note will let her know that the Federal Bureau of Marital Affairs is recruiting her for a special top-secret “mission” that will require her to resume her alias for the next 19 hours.

Note 2 (also to be read in the car if she chooses to accept the mission) includes an FBMA License to Thrill I made in the name of her alias, provides some info and clues about the mission, and will provide driving directions to the destination (a high-quality casino/resort) a short distance away. She’ll have to present her “ID” to pick up the keycard for the high-rise suite I’ve booked (it’s called the sky-deck, and is right below the floor where all the high-roller comped suites are). The bellman will hand her an agenda for “Phase 1” and Note 3 on the elevator ride (the date has 5 phases).

Phase 1 of the mission is described as purification/transformation/preparation, and includes: 

an hour for some wine and a soak in the jetted tub 
> then another note with instructions to open Package 1 (a silky mid-thigh slip, wrapped and hidden in a drawer) 
> then another note letting her know that the impending knock on the door would be from her masseuse 
> followed by a 50-minute massage, with the masseuse leaving another note with instructions on how to use the next hour preparing for Phase 2, which is a rendezvous with me (rather, an alter ego I have come up with for myself) at a dark martini bar in the casino (think red velvet wingbacks and a planetarium roof). 

I – or rather the Bureau – will provide her with everything short of her makeup kit to prepare for her “character” and the undercover mission (gorgeous gown, shoes, jewelry, racy undergarments, etc. – even a choice of wigs!)

The reason for the elaborate build-up and get-up is this: the focus of the date (Phase 3, when the mission is put in motion, so to speak) occurs at 8pm, when a huge disco dance party begins. Our undercover disguises are, therefore, geared to a 70s/disco theme. My W loves to boogie, so I know that she will have a great time attending that party. The “mission” will be something like a goofy scavenger hunt – e.g., finding 5 men wearing gold necklaces and white belts, 3 sets of hoop earrings 4” or larger, etc. - still working out the details

Phase 3 continues with post-dance dinner reservations, Phase 4 is a seductive soiree back in the suite (I hope!), an interlude of Zzzzzzzs, followed by Phase 5 (the Morning After, en suite breakfast, time in the hotel fitness center/pool, then separate departures since we’ll have two cars there). Notes and further instructions from mission control will be delivered at several other strategic moments to move the date along during these phases.

So, on with the dilemma: Last night, I asked if she was getting excited about the date – she said that she had not thought much about it because I had told her earlier that any efforts to find out from me ahead of time would be met with misleading tips, obscure replies, and/or flat out refusals. She really does not like surprises (I think it is because she does not like to be in a position of non-control), and not thinking about it was how she was choosing to approach next Friday. 

She then said that, however, she hoped it did not include a “couples massage”. I already sensed that was not anywhere on her wish list, so I had the foresight not to arrange that. I told her not to worry, but then she followed up with “and I really don’t care for individual ones either”. The look on my face must have revealed something, because she then said “so, now you’re thinking you have to come up with something else, ha-ha…”, to which I said “not at all”, hoping she’d take that as “don’t have to change the plan since that is not the plan”.

Some background on my wife: she has a very fun-loving, playful side to her, but most of the time she behaves in accordance with the way she believes that God, our church, her parents, the bible, etc. want her to behave (and her interpretations and proscriptions are definitely a bit more rigid and stern than mine). 

I am also a person of faith and try to live my life accordingly, so no conflict there. But, my wife has admitted to me that she has a hard time reconciling her desires with her beliefs, and we both know that her long-standing bouts with anxiety and depression are connected to this (she’s been off A-Ds for 18 months, but has been desperately wanting to go back to them over the last month – coinciding with resuming her career after a 15-month hiatus).

She has dismissed the idea of IC on the grounds that a) it is not needed to get a new prescription, and b) there is not likely to be any “new” insights relative to the 5+ years’ worth of IC she’s received during our marriage (not to mention where on earth she’d find the time to squeeze in an hour for such). So, we’ve turned to self-help for the moment, and have been spending a bit of time reading CG Jung’s Memories Dreams and Reflections. Jung suffered from severe anxiety at times, and the book touches upon it somewhat. 

I find many of my own thoughts consistent with what Jung has theorized about the id and the collective unconscious, and think there is particular value to be gotten from the process of active imagination, creative visualization, etc. 

I believe that my wife will benefit from taking a break from her everyday life – we went to California for a week this summer, 1st trip without our children, and she had a BLAST, stayed up late, laughed a lot, generally had fun – thus, the long date coming up.

Knowing now what she said last night, though, do I cancel the en suite massage or force her hand (I think she does not like the idea of an individual massage because she will be touched by a stranger and, god forbid, she might kind of like it on a physical level)? She has had one before (after her 1st marathon), and did not say she didn’t like it. On the other hand, last fall my mom bought my w and my sisters a spa day, and my w was the only one not to take a body massage – just a facial, pedicure, and swim/workout time.

I am not typically a controlling spouse, so I can only wonder what her reaction will be to the various instructions she’ll be receiving in general from me that day (take a bath, wear these clothes, behave like your fun-loving alter ego, etc.)…I’d rather not have this all blow up in my face if she balks at the massage, as I've invested a good deal of time and $$ into the planning of this date. 

Should I break character in my note alerting her to the massage and tell her it is optional? If I do, I bet she would opt out and miss an opportunity to help get rid of the tension and anxiety she carries around all the time. 

If I don’t actively give her an out, she may go along and get more tense or she might even just dismiss the masseuse at the onset saying no thank you. That, too is likely to derail the date, if only for a little bit (“what was he doing? I told him I did not want this, and now he’s trying to make me do it anyway?”).

Now I am starting to wonder if this (me worrying about how she'll respond to an activity she said she didn't prefer and what I can do to avert that) is just the beta in me and I should take the man-up approach instead (i.e., stick to my plan and let the <poker> chips fall where they may).... 

Any feedback is greatly appreciated.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I`d simply ditch the masseuse.

It`s an entity in your plan that may have negative connotations for the date in general.

Getting her to explore the possible enjoyment of it isn`t worth blowing up your planes.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Can you find an esthetician to give her a manicure/pedicure instead of the masseuse?

It is a great plan, though complicated if she doesn't accept the mission.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Very cool!

I may have to remember this one for future use!

Kudos on a great imagination. I was intrigued just reading your outline. Plays out like a little mini live novel adventure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Oh yeah. Don't give her ANY choices. But yes, I agree. Swap out massage with manicure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Oh yeah. Don't give her ANY choices. But yes, I agree. Swap out massage with manicure.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed!


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## baloo (May 19, 2010)

thanks for the feedback - I suppose the apprehension I've been feeling about it was well founded. I hadn't even thought of filling the time with something like a mani/pedi - I hope the spa can still accommodate something like that in the room, as I do think it would be cool to not have to go anywhere for anything during that span.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I'd be happy to take the massage voucher off your hands


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## baloo (May 19, 2010)

actually, the thought of claiming it for myself Saturday AM in the event of her declining it did cross my mind...&^)


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

WOW!!! great imagination and a fantastic gift!! Thank you for posting as it gives inspiration to us all!! 

if were me... I would be all over this mystery novella journey and have a blast! ... I mos def would want the massage... one from a professional for the physical relief... and one from my H for the amazing spiritual emotional connection!!

good luck!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I`d simply ditch the masseuse.
> 
> It`s an entity in your plan that may have negative connotations for the date in general.
> 
> Getting her to explore the possible enjoyment of it isn`t worth blowing up your planes.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Not worth the risk. Sure she might like it, but if not you hav blown the whole evening. 

Just curious, is the massuese you planned male or female?


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Sounds great, but way too much work!! My wife and I are planning a hotel away from the kids for a night in two weeks.

It will consist of a nice hotel, getting all dressed up and eating at a 5 star restaurant, then off for some live music or a club, then back to the hotel for a freak fest.

The next day will be breakfast and a walk through the city shopping with a prodigious budget. 

Then back home to reality. I know for my wife she just wants to be with me since we are so busy all of that "stuff" would frustrate her.

Let us now how it goes!!


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## baloo (May 19, 2010)

all right - the spa could do a facial in the suite, but it would be 150% more to have it in the room ($450 instead of $180 - outrageous!). So, I have booked her a manicure/pedicure in the spa instead - rather lose the extra $$ playing blackjack than fork it over for highway robbery. Picked up wigs on Friday, and a local bridal shop is primping the gown I bought (they also shopped for shoes and earrings for me!).


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Awesome! When does this go down?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Never mind. It's in your first post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## baloo (May 19, 2010)

thanks for the advice - it turned out to be our best date ever! W is wondering/hoping I'll do something like this every year - she has not stopped raving, even to our neighborhood friends - soon I'll be hit up for advice by all the husbands whose wives my wife has spoken to...!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

baloo said:


> thanks for the advice - it turned out to be our best date ever! W is wondering/hoping I'll do something like this every year - she has not stopped raving, even to our neighborhood friends - soon I'll be hit up for advice by all the husbands whose wives my wife has spoken to...!


You are nothing but awesome. Thanks for updating us. Sounds like I need to do something like for our next anniversary.

:smthumbup:


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

The effort/thought you put into this was AWESOME!!!

Happy Anniversary to you both


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