# GRRR - so frustrated! Is this the point of no return????



## kissjo (Dec 8, 2011)

I am so angry/frustrated/hurt/etc. I have been with my husband for 6 years. Initially, I thought he was a wonderful person...but now I think I just wanted to have someone to love (does that make sense?). I feel like I put myself in this situation and its so hard for me to want out. I had been single for a long time because of a bitter relationship that had happened many years before I met my husband, and when I met him, he seemed like he had his poop in order, but really, I think he was just the first person to treat me with some respect that I fell too hard too fast.

My husband is quite possibly the biggest a-hole that I have ever met. He is the most negative, judgmental person that I know. He can say 100 negative things before something positive can come out of his mouth. And the things he can say about other people are astonishing...people he's never met! I am not that ignorant and the fact that he is always so high strung and angry about who the hell knows what is just deflating to me. He is an embarassment around my friends....I cannot begin to explain how awful he is around my friends and family that for years I made excuses for him and now I can't. Its awful being the one person in a group of people who has "that husband" that nobody likes. Its terrible - and if you knew me and my personality....I'm so bubbly and happy - to have a husband who is just such an angry person is embarassing.

Also, he has no idea how to have an argument without the neighbours hearing, or saying something so completely disrespectful. He has made so many stupid financial decisions that have killed him financially and is affecting me, to the point that I am so resentful. I pay for 75% of the household and was fine with it until I saw what he was taking in every month and saw that he really should be putting in 50%. We don't share anything financial (except the mortgage) because we have both been there done that and didn't want to make the same mistake, and thank God, because this boy is ridiculous with money. He has no idea what the heck he is doing, and because of that, I am responsible for everything in life - groceries, entertainment, planning, vacations, etc. 

He is SO superficial....its all about appearances to him. But, he couldn't afford the luxury of Wal Mart at present, but he would never admit it. He couldn't buy me a Christmas gift, but have no fear, he has the money to go out and buy *his *favorite bottle of wine. He doesn't cook, clean, or try to do anything nice for us, when I actually work more than him. He has high ambitions in an unrealistic career. And selfish....SO selfish. If we have a night off together, and his football team is playing, we wouldn't spend 5 seconds together, but he would hope that I cooked supper for him to watch in front of the TV.

And just to throw fuel in the fire, the worst lover, period. I have never been with someone as terrible as him. I've tried everything to help him out in that area, but to no avail. If it isn't missionary, forget - its over in less than 10 seconds. I've suggested a sex therapist, be he flat out refused. I suggested he talk to his Dr. about the situation, but again, he refused. I was mentioning it as a possibility to help us have a better sex life, not in any derogatory way, and I have never said anything ignorant about it our entire relationship, but honestly, it offended him that I even mentioned seeking help. I don't remember the last time we had sex and I couldn't care less if he touched me ever again.

And yes...I nag...I nag hard because I am so p-oe'd with the entire situation. I've gotten to the point where I'm numb. And actually, the very thought of his selfish, ignorant, angry mouth touching mine makes me sick to my stomach. I've lost sleep, missed work, stopped eating, binged, drink more (but not too much), my chest always feels heavy like an elephant is sitting on it, I'm getting migraines, I cry every day, I dream of life without him. I've talked to him, yelled at him, gone to counselling with him, read books on relationships, taken advice from online sites, worked more, worked less, spoiled him, taken away from him, changed for him, spent more time with his family, pulled away from my friends and family, stopped my extra curricular activities so that we had more time together, watched him at his sporting events to show I care, you name it, I've done it. 

I don't know if this is normal in the demise of a relationship. I'm so confused and hurt. Is this it? Should I walk away? Do others go through this feeling before they leave? Is this normal?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It sounds as though you are at the end of your rope. Apparently everything has been tried, so what is really left? Since he isn't interested in working on the marriage, how can you expect things to improve?

Hope things get better for you.


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## pianist87 (Apr 2, 2012)

You're done. I can feel the anguish you feel just by reading your post and I feel bad that you're going through this. It sounds like you've done everything that you possibly can to better your life and his, but it's not working. You've done all you can do, but the reason he's not changing is because he doesn't give a crap. It's time to go, so lawyer up and serve his ass.


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## bluebeauty (Aug 25, 2011)

Is he claiming he will change?


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Oh my. I am so sorry that you have been through all that. It does sound like you have tried everything and nothing is going to make a difference because the one that needs to do all you have done is not.

I would suggest some IC so that you can servive this.


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## Antigen (Apr 9, 2012)

Sucky situation!

You don't mention one redeemable quality.

Why would you even consider staying with this guy?


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## grenville (Sep 21, 2011)

If that's genuinely what you think, then you need to leave him now. If, on the other hand, you're just trying on the emotions for size, then ask yourself about his redeeming qualitities and see if you could write an equivalently vehement post praising him. I suspect not, but it's worth a try just to be sure.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

kissjo said:


> I am so angry/frustrated/hurt/etc. I have been with my husband for 6 years. Initially, I thought he was a wonderful person...but now I think I just wanted to have someone to love (does that make sense?). I feel like I put myself in this situation and its so hard for me to want out. I had been single for a long time because of a bitter relationship that had happened many years before I met my husband, and when I met him, he seemed like he had his poop in order, but really, I think he was just the first person to treat me with some respect that I fell too hard too fast.
> 
> My husband is quite possibly the biggest a-hole that I have ever met. He is the most negative, judgmental person that I know. He can say 100 negative things before something positive can come out of his mouth. And the things he can say about other people are astonishing...people he's never met! I am not that ignorant and the fact that he is always so high strung and angry about who the hell knows what is just deflating to me. He is an embarassment around my friends....I cannot begin to explain how awful he is around my friends and family that for years I made excuses for him and now I can't. Its awful being the one person in a group of people who has "that husband" that nobody likes. Its terrible - and if you knew me and my personality....I'm so bubbly and happy - to have a husband who is just such an angry person is embarassing.
> 
> ...


I started to feel the same way, right before i left my husband. You will get to a point when you know you are done for good and nothing will change your mind about staying. I felt nothing but hatred for the man I once loved more then anything.

You are going to be confused and hurt I was for about a year before i walked out.

I think that it is totally normal to feel what you feel when the a relationship is ending (it is like a death)


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