# Get this off my chest...



## southern (Dec 6, 2012)

If you would like to respond that would be great, but mostly I just need to get a bunch of stuff off of my chest and out of my mind. 

I graduated from college about 8 years ago and my husband and I began working for the same company in a very remote location. We were married for 2 years and found out we were pregnant. Excited was the main feeling. We had been trying to get pregnant with very little success and then "poof" positive pregnancy test We met with our employer to inform him that I was pregnant(because our jobs are physically demanding to say the least). Our boss was very excited and asked if I would like to continue working...I said I would love to. He said "we will make sure to find a place for you". I continued working right up until my C-section in our company office. 

After taking 2 months off from work I returned with baby in tow and picked up were I left off working in the company office. I was then called in 4 months later and informed that I was not going to be able to bring the baby into work anymore and that I would be allowed to work from home. I was also told that when I was able to find childcare that I could come in and log hours. I began working from home and I was no longer a salary employee but hourly.

Six months after working from home and working when I could find a babysitter I was informed that my responsibilities were being handed over to a co-worker and that I was not needed anymore. Funny side note the co-worker that has "replaced" me is doing a bad job and I am often called in to clean up the mess. It is a real disappointment to see a person filling my shoes that takes the job for granted and doing a poor job. I would much rather have been replaced by someone who showed interest in the company and the job at hand than a snarky half-assed poor excuse for a college graduate. 

All the while I am taking care of our little girl and another little girl. I feel like a failure. I have two BS degrees, graduated Cum Laude from a major university, and at one time was respected in my industry of interest. 

Now my husband has been dropping hints that he wants a second child. He works extremely long hours(12-14 hour days 6-7 days a week). He is hardly home and when he is at home he is so tired. We are very rarely intimate due to the fact that he comes home, eats, and then falls asleep in his recliner. I feel like a single parent most of the time. He helps out when and where he can but I feel bad asking him for help around the house because he works so hard during the day. If our circumstance was different I would be more open minded about having a second child. I feel such guilt that I do not want to have a second child. Honesty, with our shrinking income having a second child would put a lot of pressure on our finances.

There is no child care available in or around our town and there are no job openings in the surrounding communities. I feel as though my husband has made me into his mother. I feel less like his wife everyday. He leaves his clothes lying on the floor for me to pick up, does not put away his plate after dinner. I have our two year old trained to put her clothes in the laundry room and also clear her place setting and put her dishes in the sink. I have to remind him to take a bath or shower and also brush his teeth regularly. Once again, our two year old daughter knows when to take a bath and that she has to brush her teeth twice a day. 

I remember graduating and being so excited about the beginning of our family and starting a career and now I have so little self confidence that I often forget the person that I used to be. Now the only relief I get is when I take my daughter to the small community gym and workout for a hour a few times a week. There is a TV with a DVD player and she can watch a show while I workout. I miss the happy self assured person I used to be and am growing to detest the woman I have let myself become. 

I feel trapped. lonely. frustrated. depressed. confused. angry. desperate. 

Thank you for reading.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You had a C-section in your office? :0

Just kidding. 

You sound like me. I expected H to carry his weight after the baby was born. Instead, I was turned into his mother who never worked and was his maid/gopher/laundress/cook. I was too dumb to know any better. Don't be like me. 

You will have to sit him down and say 'this will not continue. I can do this by myself, without you in the picture. What are you going to do to pick up the slack?'

At the same time, if you are that credentialed, why aren't you out getting a real job with real benefits and paying for child care? And if it takes moving, then move. If you're going to choose to stay home, you pretty much have to accept you'll be 75% homemaker for you, your child, AND your husband.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

turnera said:


> You had a C-section in your office? :0


Wow! That was my interpretation, too!

There's no excuse for a husband being lazy. If you have clothes baskets where he can drop his clothes in and he doesn't bother, then they shouldn't get washed. Unfortunately, if he isn't bathing and brushing regularly I doubt he'll mind wearing dirty clothes to work.

Try small steps... clothes baskets in the bathroom and bedroom and just ask that he hits one of them. Subtle praise when he does. Same with bathing and brushing.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

When I asked my H to help, to pick just ONE chore (at the request of my IC), he refused. So I sat on that for awhile. 

Then I stopped doing his laundry. 

No skin off my nose if his clothes aren't clean - I don't wear them.

When he finally ran out of clothes and had the nerve to attack me for it, I just shrugged and said 'hey, you said you couldn't help me. I had to do SOMETHING to lighten my load. so I picked your clothes.'

He started helping that day. And I washed a load of his clothes.


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