# Am I ready for divorce, also met a platonic compatible woman. Is now the time.?



## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

I have a super confused and almost scary problem.

I am a Dad of 4 in a marriage of 17 yrs. I married young to my 1st girlfriend. Problem we are not the same as we once was and this has been years. I am super silly, I love to joke. She has always tried to change that. She loves to talk but when I have something on my mind it is never recipicated in discussíon due to lack of interest, kind of makes her mad with all my interest. For the last decade, I do not make out with her. I avoid sex with her. I hate to say it but I have also stepped out of the relationship for some chemistry which I have found in the past. We almost have 0 commonalities.

I met a girl in the same position as me. Everything the same. Crazy thing is we have so many things in common. We are super physically attracted to each other and are lives and interests are the same all the way to out dog breads we love, we are kid like and have fun/great relationships with our kids. To be honest I would say dream girl but would be an understatement. She is scared because she feels the same way. We have never had sex even. Usually sex is a huge attraction but I just want to be in her presence. I can't even fathom not having her in my life one shape or another. Chemistry is off the charts.

I know we would be awesome with each other's kids and our kids would likely be awesome too.

Questions my dream girl and myself has
Is it really worth staying with my spouse knowing it is going nowhere due to the kids?

Can a bad marriage bleed over affecting kids?

Is it worth divorcing over the girl that you have like 50 commonalities that you know we will never have a dull moment in life?

Can a divorce enhance kids lives ever? 

We are both scared about this situation and just head over heels about each other. We have spouses that are good people but love is just not in the ever for years. 

Should my dream girl and I give it a go with each other even though we have small kids.

(She is a math teacher and I practice emergency medicine)
(My wife is a stay at home mom that has yelled at me almost everyday. Makes me feel inadequate. She is still a good mom and loving though.)


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I think you need to stop all contact with the OW, you are not free to be with her, you are a married man with 4 children. Then ask your wife if she would come to MC with you, and work on your issues together. Your marriage will never work if you are pining/lusting after another woman, is she married BTW? If so you would be responsible for breaking up 2 families with small children.
If you do eventually decide to divorce her(which definately will badly affect all the children), then once you are divorced you will be free to persue someone else.
You have already cheated so she does have reason to end the marriage if she chooses, does she know that you cheated? Does she know that you spend all this time with another married woman?

The grass on the other side of the fence is rarely greener. Once you get there you see that it too has weeds and moss and bare patches.This idilic picture you have built in your mind isnt reality, for a start you will have 2 very hurting spouses to deal with and go through divorces with, and several hurting unhappy children.


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## Overwhelmedagain (Apr 24, 2021)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> I have a super confused and almost scary problem.
> 
> I am a Dad of 4 in a marriage of 17 yrs. I married young to my 1st girlfriend. Problem we are not the same as we once was and this has been years. I am super silly, I love to joke. She has always tried to change that. She loves to talk but when I have something on my mind it is never recipicated in discussíon due to lack of interest, kind of makes her mad with all my interest. For the last decade, I do not make out with her. I avoid sex with her. I hate to say it but I have also stepped out of the relationship for some chemistry which I have found in the past. We almost have 0 commonalities.
> 
> ...


I’m sorry I’m not sure I understand the question. Should you give it a go with your dream girl? Like divorce your wife? No. You should divorce your wife because you are a cheat. You have cheated on her before this correct? You are a serial cheater. The worst kind of fraud.


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I think you need to stop all contact with the OW, you are not free to be with her, you are a married man with 4 children. Then ask your wife if she would come to MC with you, and work on your issues together. Your marriage will never work if you are pining/lusting after another woman, is she married BTW? If so you would be responsible for breaking up 2 families with small children.
> If you do eventually decide to divorce her(which definately will badly affect all the children), then once you are divorced you will be free to persue someone else.
> You have already cheated so she does have reason to end the marriage if she chooses, does she know that you cheated? Does she know that you spend all this time with another married woman?
> 
> The grass on the other side of the fence is rarely greener. Once you get there you see that it too has weeds and moss and bare patches.


Yeah, everyone knows about my past about cheating. I don't even see this other girl really. Throughout the years it seems like I get online searching. But that's the thing. Our bad marriages worth getting out if you believe it is toxic to kids when my wife and I are so mean to each other which she cannot control in front of the kids. I have asked her numerous times to go to MC and even told her years ago I was thinking of divorce.


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Overwhelmedagain said:


> I’m sorry I’m not sure I understand the question. Should you give it a go with your dream girl? Like divorce your wife? No. You should divorce your wife because you are a cheat. You have cheated on her before this correct? You are a serial cheater. The worst kind of fraud.


I knew I was gonna get heat. I have cheated before for sex. Never for a possible forever love. Everyone in my family has had divorces but actually have had successful marriages.

My biggest question is about the kids. Is it worth staying together knowing feelings for my spouse will not change. I was loyal for 15 yrs in a nasty environment. Not making an excuse, just giving invite.


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## Overwhelmedagain (Apr 24, 2021)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> I knew I was gonna get heat. I have cheated before for sex. Never for a possible forever love. Everyone in my family has had divorces but actually have had successful marriages.
> 
> My biggest question is about the kids. Is it worth staying together knowing feelings for my spouse will not change. I was loyal for 15 yrs in a nasty environment. Not making an excuse, just giving invite.


Short answer is no. Maybe the environment is nasty because your wife knows you cheat. How many times have you cheated before?


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Overwhelmedagain said:


> Short answer is no. Maybe the environment is nasty because your wife knows you cheat. How many times have you cheated before?


Twice in my. Young 20s, then once 10 yrs later. I just don't have that spark with my wife and haven't had it over the last decade.


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Overwhelmedagain said:


> Short answer is no. Maybe the environment is nasty because your wife knows you cheat. How many times have you cheated before?


And environment was nasty before


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Overwhelmedagain said:


> I’m sorry I’m not sure I understand the question. Should you give it a go with your dream girl? Like divorce your wife? No. You should divorce your wife because you are a cheat. You have cheated on her before this correct? You are a serial cheater. The worst kind of fraud.


Yeah, I got married at 22. Maybe I'm just broken.


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## Overwhelmedagain (Apr 24, 2021)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> Twice in my. Young 20s, then once 10 yrs later. I just don't have that spark with my wife and haven't had it over the last decade.


So you cheated on her twice when you were first together?


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Overwhelmedagain said:


> So you cheated on her twice when you were first together?


Not 1st. About 6 yrs in when things became toxic. My wife was my 1st girlfriend. 1st love. 1st physical relationship. 1st kiss. I'm otherwise a pretty decent man. Don't drink, curse, drugs, or hot on women. Everyone thinks I'm the greatest family man. I think when my wife met with her ex that is a professional baseball player whom she got pregnant with (abortion), it screwed me up. She says it wasn't like that.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I can't get past a man who must be pushing 40 repeatedly referring to women as "girls".


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Livvie said:


> I can't get past a man who must be pushing 40 repeatedly referring to women as "girls".


Sorry. I am the least experienced 40 yr old with relationships. I just finally started getting comfortable even talking to women even for stupid things. Grew up with all boys.


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## Overwhelmedagain (Apr 24, 2021)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> Not 1st. About 6 yrs in when things became toxic. My wife was my 1st girlfriend. 1st love. 1st physical relationship. 1st kiss. I'm otherwise a pretty decent man. Don't drink, curse, drugs, or hot on women. Everyone thinks I'm the greatest family man. I think when my wife met with her ex that is a professional baseball player whom she got pregnant with (abortion), it screwed me up. She says it wasn't like that.


Clearly you are not a great family man. You are a serial cheater. 6 years in and already banging other women. Did you wife know?


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Overwhelmedagain said:


> Clearly you are not a great family man. You are a serial cheater. 6 years in and already banging other women. Did you wife know?


She knows I have cheated. I suspected her at 1st before after meeting her professional baseball player boyfriend that she had an abortion with. It f'd me up.


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## Overwhelmedagain (Apr 24, 2021)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> She knows I have cheated. I suspected her at 1st before after meeting her professional baseball player boyfriend that she had an abortion with. It f'd me up.


The answer to your original question is YES. Divorce your wife and run away with your dream girl.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

It sounds like your relationship with your wife is not good and that counseling isn't something that could change that.

Yes kids pick up on a negative relationship and it isn't a positive thing for them.

Why don't you divorce before you consider other relationships?

I divorced when my kids were in elementary and middle school. We successfully co parented and raised two wonderful, happy children.


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Livvie said:


> It sounds like your relationship with your wife is not good and that counseling isn't something that could change that.
> 
> Yes kids pick up on a negative relationship and it isn't a positive thing for them.
> 
> ...


Thank you for the reply. I think I waited so long due to religious reasons, loyalty, and kids. Divorce really wouldn't be for the woman because kids are paramount to me. Thanks for your non judgemental reply.


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Overwhelmedagain said:


> The answer to your original question is YES. Divorce your wife and run away with your dream girl.


Any details on your response? I would never leave my kids for a woman.


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## Overwhelmedagain (Apr 24, 2021)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> Any details on your response? I would never leave my kids for a woman.


What details would you like? 
In addition what religious reasons do you have to stay but allow you to cheat?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> Thank you for the reply. I think I waited so long due to religious reasons, loyalty, and kids. Divorce really wouldn't be for the woman because kids are paramount to me. Thanks for your non judgemental reply.


Why should we be non-judgmental? Did you come here for help or validation? And so much for your religious reasons and loyalty.


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Overwhelmedagain said:


> What details would you like?
> In addition what religious reasons do you have to stay but allow you to cheat?


I wouldn't say allow you to cheat. I can live without it. Divorce is seen as bad in my religion. I have been on anti depressants which decrease my sex drive which is ok for me but not my wife.


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Sfort said:


> Why should we non-judgmental? Did you come here for help or validation? And so much for your religious reasons and loyalty.


Pretty much for help with my emotions. Wife is completely against marriage counseling and she comes from a culture that they say every man cheats and they continue to stay.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> Pretty much for help with my emotions. Wife is completely against marriage counseling and she comes from a culture that they say every man cheats and they continue to stay.


Here's all you need to know. Divorce her and go play with your new friend. That's what you're going to do anyway. You don't care what your wife wants.


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## Overwhelmedagain (Apr 24, 2021)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> I wouldn't say allow you to cheat. I can live without it. Divorce is seen as bad in my religion. I have been on anti depressants which decrease my sex drive which is ok for me but not my wife.


What religion states divorce is bad and cheating is not?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So did you meet this lady on line? How often do you see her?


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Look, timing is not the issue man. You have kids, right? So be a good example to them and show some integrity. If you MUST divorce, do so before you start pursuing other women. However, before you implode your kids' lives and your wife's life, and yours, you might want to consider marital counseling. You can talk to a doctor about changing your meds if it's effecting your sex life, you can go to individual counseling to address your issues. 

The big thing I notice here is that you think you are fully formed and unchangeable like stone, and the fact that your wife is also unhappy makes you immediately move to another woman. The issues you have in a relationship will come up again and again if you don't address what it is within you that is allowing you to be unfaithful. For the record, yes, 3 times counts as a serial cheater. No wonder you describe your wife as somewhat angry and bitter. You now have a pattern. Move the focus away from your wife because you can't control what she does. You may have had your reasons to want validation, or whatever, but in the end you made the CHOICE to cheat. What are you going to do to address that?


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> So did you meet this lady on line? How often do you see her?


Never seen her before but it was online. She is in a similar relationship. I know my wife and I have a compatibility problem. This woman and I have mirror lived. We volunteer teaching kids. We love our work. It's like talking to myself. All the same interests and when I say all, it's dang near all. We even have the same pet leaves. I say she is my twin is so awkwardly similar.


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

joannacroc said:


> Look, timing is not the issue man. You have kids, right? So be a good example to them and show some integrity. If you MUST divorce, do so before you start pursuing other women. However, before you implode your kids' lives and your wife's life, and yours, you might want to consider marital counseling. You can talk to a doctor about changing your meds if it's effecting your sex life, you can go to individual counseling to address your issues.
> 
> The big thing I notice here is that you think you are fully formed and unchangeable like stone, and the fact that your wife is also unhappy makes you immediately move to another woman. The issues you have in a relationship will come up again and again if you don't address what it is within you that is allowing you to be unfaithful. For the record, yes, 3 times counts as a serial cheater. No wonder you describe your wife as somewhat angry and bitter. You now have a pattern. Move the focus away from your wife because you can't control what she does. You may have had your reasons to want validation, or whatever, but in the end you made the CHOICE to cheat. What are you going to do to address that?


I have changed my meds multiple times and I see a physchologist and psychiatrist on a regular basis. I'm trying. The anger and bitterness started before though and having a special needs daughter even pushed her away more. Cheating came after.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> Never seen her before but it was online. She is in a similar relationship. I know my wife and I have a compatibility problem. This woman and I have mirror lived. We volunteer teaching kids. We love our work. It's like talking to myself. All the same interests and when I say all, it's dang near all. We even have the same pet leaves. I say she is my twin is so awkwardly similar.


So you think this lady who you have never even met in person is the love of your life? What site did you meet her on? Have you ever spoken to her? Seen her? Has it occured to you that she may be saying that she does things just because you do?


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> So you think this lady who you have never even met in person is the love of your life? What site did you meet her on? Have you ever spoken to her? Seen her? Has it occured to you that she may be saying that she does things just because you do?


Exercise forum. Have talked to her about all our commonalities and I can tell the like goes both ways. Never met her in real life and may be a crash and burn. Sex will most likely not happen because we like each other too much or because we just won't go there. My testosterone and desire for sex is much lower now at 40. Should I meet her in person to say yay or nay? Or just continue to tolerate my spouse? She is someone I would like at my bedside when I did, just not one I feel attracted to or compatible with anymore.


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## ConfusedDadof4 (Jun 9, 2021)

Overwhelmedagain said:


> What details would you like?
> In addition what religious reasons do you have to stay but allow you to cheat?


I am christian. I believe everyone has inate sin since Adam and Eve and all sin is equal in the eyes of God. Even Abraham had another marriage and a kid out of wedlock. So, I do believe people can do great things and do disgusting things. I grew up baptist and my wife catholic. It's the question of toleration vs happiness in my mind. I'm super all over the place though.


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## PurpleinPA (Jun 1, 2021)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> Exercise forum. Have talked to her about all our commonalities and I can tell the like goes both ways. Never met her in real life and may be a crash and burn. Sex will most likely not happen because we like each other too much or because we just won't go there. My testosterone and desire for sex is much lower now at 40. Should I meet her in person to say yay or nay? Or just continue to tolerate my spouse? She is someone I would like at my bedside when I did, just not one I feel attracted to or compatible with anymore.


My advice, leave her. If you truly care about her, spare her from having to make the decision to leave you. She's clearly not going to. I speak from first hand experience that I am currently dealing with. I'm choosing to live in limbo even though I'm angry and hurt because I wasn't ready for my life as a I knew it to be over. He's literally still living here with me, playing house. Every day I get a little more bitter, so this is likely where your wife is. 

It sounds like you've already made up your mind about your wife, but you're afraid to pull the trigger.


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## Overwhelmedagain (Apr 24, 2021)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> I am christian. I believe everyone has inate sin since Adam and Eve and all sin is equal in the eyes of God. Even Abraham had another marriage and a kid out of wedlock. So, I do believe people can do great things and do disgusting things. I grew up baptist and my wife catholic. It's the question of toleration vs happiness in my mind. I'm super all over the place though.


If every sin is equal then divorce. Your kids will be fine. Do they know you cheat?


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

You are very confused and all over the place in your thought patterns. You say you're a Christian, but none of what you've morally rationalized includes seeking God's perspective. You believe your main problems are external (wife, marriage, no doubt APs at some point if not already), but they are internal. You won't be able to sort out what might be external until you take care of your own broken thinking.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> Exercise forum. Have talked to her about all our commonalities and I can tell the like goes both ways. Never met her in real life and may be a crash and burn. Sex will most likely not happen because we like each other too much or because we just won't go there. My testosterone and desire for sex is much lower now at 40. Should I meet her in person to say yay or nay? Or just continue to tolerate my spouse? She is someone I would like at my bedside when I did, just not one I feel attracted to or compatible with anymore.


Have you ever spoken to her? No your shouldn't meet her because you are married. I am just trying to find out if she is actually a real person.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> I am christian. I believe everyone has inate sin since Adam and Eve and all sin is equal in the eyes of God. Even Abraham had another marriage and a kid out of wedlock. So, I do believe people can do great things and do disgusting things. I grew up baptist and my wife catholic. It's the question of toleration vs happiness in my mind. I'm super all over the place though.


Abraham disobeyed God totally when he had a child outside his marriage and the consequences of this have been vast. Not all sins are equal in their consequences.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Do not stay married for the kids. I repeat, do not stay married for the kids. My parents stayed. They have a terrible marriage. Do not put your kids through that.

Why don't you divorce, get counseling, get your head straight and figure out what you want in life? 

Your kids need a stable parent. When you are all over the place they know and they become anxious and insecure. Get some help. Get a divorce.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

What would have been best for the kids is if you went about things in the right way, like divorce due to incompatibility and not because you have been cheating. That will scar them for life, and of course once old enough they'll know you are a cheater during marriage, so that's what you've taught them. 

The right thing would have been to be by yourself for awhile and concentrate on your kids, placing them first, taking care of them literally half the time sharing joint custody with your wife, and getting them through this transition, not dumping a new woman on them. You are going to be very busy taking care of kids and working at the same time, so what has been recreational with the new woman is about to become inconvenient for both of you. And yes, she'll get tired of your joking.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> I have a super confused and almost scary problem.


Ain't nothing to be confused and afraid of Dawg. You come to the right place and are fortunate enough to have the right people, me if I do say so myself, to guide you. You're the type cat that's going to be seeking poon tang on the side. I can tell from the way you talk. You recently found a chick that's got you torqued up and you want to get in her pants. What you are telling us about the state of your marriage, not having sex, et cetera, is your rationalization to horse around. The, "I have so much in common with her" is basically a BS feeling bought on by you wanting to melt into that puzzy. Its you brain playing tricks on you man. But don't mind me. Once you tap it a few times and it gets a little routine, you'll see what I'm talking about and you'll be out trying to line up another piece of strange, who is your soul mate. If you admit it, you probably felt the same way about your wife, you remember, "I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy", when you wanted a piece of that. 
Cut your wife loose my man. Don't hang around for the kids. All that's going to do is screw up them as they become aware their daddy hates momma and is out chasing bush. Your wife probably has some fine loving she can give to a man that cares about her. Why not free her up so some new guy can enjoy what you've grown tired of and let him and her love her taking the reins in bed, making up for what you've deprived her of for year. In return, you'll be unencumbered to pursue any chicks with the same attributes as your latest interest.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

For all you know, you're being catfished. Online love might be a 400 lb gorilla named Bubba.


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

I am sorry that you reached this point in your marriage. I'll try to get the story straight from your various posts. Your wife is your first everything, but you are not her first. After you guys got married she cheated on you with her ex-boyfriend, the baseball player, got pregnant, and got abortion. You stayed together but it looks like you dealt with her cheating by sweeping under the rug this episode and went on with life. You cheated on her 3 times in your 20's and then once in your 30's. You both cheated on each other without seeking counseling or therapy, right? You are both bitter against each other, but it looks like you are staying together for different reasons without trying to face or try to solve your problems. You start to avoid each other and resent each other. She doesn't like your jokes and you are not attracted to her anymore. Looks like you both reached a point where it is too late to repair your relationship. You think that you didn't get enough women in your life because you decided to marry your first love, and this is making you resentful of her and causing you to look outside your marriage for sexual experiences. 
I think your confusion stems from the way you have been dealing with your problems. You don't seem to take the time to process anything. Stop and think about your situation without contacting ANY woman online or in real life. Stop any contact with women and think how best to handle this situation. Contacting women, even platonically, will add to this mess, and will hurt you and everyone around you. 
Have a calm and honest conversation with your wife for once. If you think you guys cannot have this conversation by yourselves right now, have it in the presence of a marriage counselor. Your goal is not to reconcile at this point; your goal is to divorce and agree on the best way to handle this divorce such that it has the least negative effect on the kids. I think this is where you should start right now. Good luck!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Welcome to TAM! How are you finding the support so far?
As you may have noticed, there is little tolerance for infidelity, regardless of circumstance. Given that many folks who find themselves here, were lied to and betrayed, it's rather understandable.

Questions my dream girl and myself has
Is it really worth staying with my spouse knowing it is going nowhere due to the kids?

*Whether or not you decide to remain married to your spouse should have NOTHING to do with either the kids or your DG.

Can a bad marriage bleed over affecting kids?

*Yes. You should do some research. The only legitimate reason, given my awareness of circumstances for NOT divorcing, was a fear that a parent was incapable of being a responsible, or making decisions for the benefit of the children. In other words, without the offset and healthy balance of one parent, the other was nothing but a wrecking ball.

Is it worth divorcing over the girl that you have like 50 commonalities that you know we will never have a dull moment in life?

*Again, if you are looking to divorce based on a 'swapout' you are looking at the entire circumstance from the wrong lens.

Can a divorce enhance kids lives ever?

*Yes. Anyone who fails to acknowledge this is being disingenuous, or just bitter. But, it's also not common. It REQUIRES the divorced parties to continue co-parenting and operating under what best serves the kids needs. Hint ... a set of parents that can focus on nothing other than mutually assured destruction, or tripping the light fantastic with shiny new partners is never a recipe for success. It requires substantial interaction, understanding, and respect between the parties ending their marriage.

We are both scared about this situation and just head over heels about each other. We have spouses that are good people but love is just not in the ever for years.

*Scared of what exactly? If you continue to have an affair, given that you are both married, you are each literally walking around with live hand grenades, just waiting for them to go off. And they will. They always do. And it won't be pleasant ... for anyone. You both need to get your literal houses in order before you start trying to build one together. Else, it is quite simply all a fantasy. None of it is real. It's little captured moments in a bubble that hit your brain like heroin ... literally.

Should my dream girl and I give it a go with each other even though we have small kids.

*Umm ... sounds to me like small kids haven't prevented you from giving anything 'a go'. Decide what you want. Where do you want your life to go? How do you want to live it? Just you. Not your spouse, not your girlfriend, not your kids. And then do that. Anything else? You're just making a bigger mess.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think you should be honest with any women you date and just tell them you're not marriage material and not try to marry any of them because you don't want marriage. The problem with guys like you being single is you're going to hurt a bunch of women cuz you're not going to be honest with them. Because you feel honest right up front that you're a cheater and aren't ever going to be happy with one woman, very few of them would date you.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Ha! I was the OW a couple of times and somebody’s dream girl, oh how good we were together, childlike and perfect sneaking away from bills and housework and real life! Such fun! Such plans for the amazing fun futures we were going to have!! (didn’t known one was married, marriage ending because he was into wife 2, lucky me I was number 3!) 

Thing is, I didn’t hold a candle to the women dealing with these crazies, I grew up and repented. One badmouthed the ‘ex’, the other didn’t mention his long-term girlfriend not ever.

So textbook, all of it yeah?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> I wouldn't say allow you to cheat. I can live without it. Divorce is seen as bad in my religion. I have been on anti depressants which decrease my sex drive which is ok for me but not my wife.


Divorce is seen as bad in my religion... pick and choose eh? That one about adultery?

Our deputy Prime Minister, a very religious man devoted to his faith, and a staunch hater of same-sex marriage (because marriage is sacred) got a staff member pregnant. Affair became public, he leaves wife and 4 kids because... ‘I don’t believe in abortion’. 😂😜😂😂

Pregnant dream girl was a short fattish thing with a piggy face. 👍


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

If you want us to tell you yes, go ahead and blow up your children's world, because that's what divorce will do, you're not going to get it. If your children really were paramount to you, you'd do everything you could to keep their family intact. You would cut off all contact with the other woman, you would go to your wife and tell her that you finally get how your cheating has affected her, ask her forgiveness and tell her that you want the two of you to go to marriage counselling together and fix this thing.



Luckylucky said:


> Divorce is seen as bad in my religion... pick and choose eh? That one about adultery?
> 
> Our deputy Prime Minister, a very religious man devoted to his faith, and a staunch hater of same-sex marriage (because marriage is sacred) got a staff member pregnant. Affair became public, he leaves wife and 4 kids because... ‘I don’t believe in abortion’. 😂😜😂😂
> 
> Pregnant dream girl was a short fattish thing with a piggy face. 👍


Ah yes, good ol' Barnaby, that should have been his side piece's first clue hey? I too love how he hides behind his religion and the "sanctity" of marriage, lol.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> I have a super confused and almost scary problem.
> 
> I am a Dad of 4 in a marriage of 17 yrs. I married young to my 1st girlfriend. Problem we are not the same as we once was and this has been years. I am super silly, I love to joke. She has always tried to change that. She loves to talk but when I have something on my mind it is never recipicated in discussíon due to lack of interest, kind of makes her mad with all my interest. For the last decade, I do not make out with her. I avoid sex with her. I hate to say it but I have also stepped out of the relationship for some chemistry which I have found in the past. We almost have 0 commonalities.
> 
> ...


You sound so selfish and self centred, ready to blow up your family for butterflies, which incidentally will also fade with time. You are also a cheater. You have 4 kids and love to be silly etc, I guess your poor wife has to be the grown-up for the family. Do your wife and kids a favour and ask for a divorce, why not follow your bliss and see where it takes you. At least your wife can move on with someone who cares for here, doesn't cheat on her and step outside the marriage. Do the right thing for once in your life and set your poor wife free.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> Yeah, everyone knows about my past about cheating. I don't even see this other girl really. Throughout the years it seems like I get online searching. But that's the thing. Our bad marriages worth getting out if you believe it is toxic to kids when my wife and I are so mean to each other which she cannot control in front of the kids. I have asked her numerous times to go to MC and even told her years ago I was thinking of divorce.


you cheat on her and you expect her to be nice to you? God, you are really a self centred prick. Don't you think that your selfish behavior has destroyed your marriage. Let you wife go to find someone decent.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

VladDracul said:


> Ain't nothing to be confused and afraid of Dawg. You come to the right place and are fortunate enough to have the right people, me if I do say so myself, to guide you. You're the type cat that's going to be seeking poon tang on the side. I can tell from the way you talk. You recently found a chick that's got you torqued up and you want to get in her pants. What you are telling us about the state of your marriage, not having sex, et cetera, is your rationalization to horse around. The, "I have so much in common with her" is basically a BS feeling bought on by you wanting to melt into that puzzy. Its you brain playing tricks on you man. But don't mind me. Once you tap it a few times and it gets a little routine, you'll see what I'm talking about and you'll be out trying to line up another piece of strange, who is your soul mate. If you admit it, you probably felt the same way about your wife, you remember, "I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy", when you wanted a piece of that.
> Cut your wife loose my man. Don't hang around for the kids. All that's going to do is screw up them as they become aware their daddy hates momma and is out chasing bush. Your wife probably has some fine loving she can give to a man that cares about her. Why not free her up so some new guy can enjoy what you've grown tired of and let him and her love her taking the reins in bed, making up for what you've deprived her of for year. In return, you'll be unencumbered to pursue any chicks with the same attributes as your latest interest.


Now this is just brilliant 👏👏👏


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> Yeah, I got married at 22. Maybe I'm just broken.


Oh for god's sakes, you're not broken (although people on infidelity boards love to claim cheaters are 'broken'). You foolishly married too young - been there, done that. Except, I was smart enough to eventually realize it and left a few years later, and I'd wisely chosen not to have kids with him. 

I'm not going to ride you about cheating, I simply want to say that you don't realize it, but you've painted this woman as the perfect creature because she REPRESENTS a way 'out' for you. She's what you call an *'exit affair.'* Lots of people use the exit affair as their reason to leave a marriage - I guess they need a big enough incentive to leave. Look at you - you've supposedly been unhappy for a few years but it's only *now* that you've met the 'woman of your dreams' that you're thinking of leaving. She's your incentive, is all.

Ain't nothing more than an exit affair.

Look, the marriage sounds like a trainwreck anyway. Stop the nonsense thinking that you 'have to stay together because of the kids." That is SUCH a load of crap.

Just leave. But leave for yourself, NOT for someone else.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Luckylucky said:


> Divorce is seen as bad in my religion... pick and choose eh? That one about adultery?
> 
> Our *deputy Prime Minister, *a very religious man devoted to his faith, and a staunch hater of same-sex marriage (because marriage is sacred) got a staff member pregnant. Affair became public, he leaves wife and 4 kids because... ‘I don’t believe in abortion’. 😂😜😂😂
> 
> Pregnant dream girl was a short fattish thing with a piggy face. 👍


Is he The 'Honourable' Michael McCormack?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

ConfusedDadof4 said:


> I think when my wife met with her ex that is a professional baseball player whom she got pregnant with (abortion), it screwed me up. She says it wasn't like that.


This part of the story keeps bugging my mind. You met and married this woman at 22. She has an ex. Ex-husband, or Ex-boyfriend. Is your wife significantly older than you? You married at 22 and are now 40. 18 years and 4 children. Marriage has been off for 10 years. Your first affair was at year six. Just thinking that you were involved in affair before you stopped having kids. 

OK OK the math is a mess, but somehow in the flurry of having 4 kids in 8 years, not only did you manage an affair, your wife "met with her ex". Was the pregnancy and abortion prior to your meeting her, or a result of her meeting with him? Because if they got together to have lunch and to discuss what a **** character you were for having an affair while your wife was pregnant, I'd give her a pass for that. As she said "it wasn't like that". 

Honestly there have been enough wake up calls in this thread. You think this next woman is the one that will save you. But you don't even know her. Mirroring is the most common grooming technique. How much money have you sent so far?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> Is he The 'Honourable' Michael McCormack?


Haha no, his predecessor, Barnaby Joyce.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

frusdil said:


> Haha no, his predecessor, Barnaby Joyce.


And, IIRC, he had a second son with his gf? And he used the name for his first son that he and his actual wife had picked out in case they ever had a son? He’s an “interesting” character. (I always read the DM Australia section — wouldn’t miss it.)


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Openminded said:


> And, IIRC, he had a second son with his gf? And he used the name for his first son that he and his actual wife had picked out in case they ever had a son? He’s an “interesting” character. (I always read the DM Australia section — wouldn’t miss it.)


Yep that's him. A complete knob jockey. He's a joke, no one takes him seriously.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Platonic compatible. Damn you are something bro


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