# We finally agree to Divorce....BUT



## nessy_tron602 (Nov 6, 2021)

In all honesty, I've been thinking about divorce for a few years now. After 18 years, I finally got the courage to tell him. He "seems" to be in agreement BUT...he's already making things as difficult as possible for me. He said, I'm the one who is leaving, he will take me off medical insurance and I have to leave NOW. 
The only problem with that is, I've been a stay at home wife and mother for over 18 years. I have zero income and serious back issues. I see a pain specialist every month for it. 
Where do I even begin??! I can't work and have no place to go, while I still have 2 kids I'm taking care of. My son is 18 and works, my daughter is 15 and of course still in school. 
Is it best to get an attorney?? If so, how the heck am I supposed to pay for that?! 
I know it might sound minute, but this is so so new to me. I'm terrified! Any advice? Thank you.


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## ltsandwich (Sep 12, 2017)

Look around for divorce lawyers and get a consultation. Some will work pro Bono with a good case or meet income requirements (you should qualify).

"A good place to start looking for pro bono representation is by contacting Legal Aid in your county. They typically have very limited resources so there may be a really long wait list to get free representation. You’ll also likely have to meet certain income requirements, and if your income is higher than the threshold you may be ineligible for the service. "



https://www.joleenalouislaw.com/blog/cant-afford-attorney



I found this law blog that offered advice to attempt probono legal help. I'm sorry for what you are dealing with. Sounds like you both wanted to end it but he's being a baby because you pulled the trigger.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

nessy_tron602 said:


> In all honesty, I've been thinking about divorce for a few years now. After 18 years, I finally got the courage to tell him. He "seems" to be in agreement BUT...he's already making things as difficult as possible for me. He said, I'm the one who is leaving, he will take me off medical insurance and I have to leave NOW.
> The only problem with that is, I've been a stay at home wife and mother for over 18 years. I have zero income and serious back issues. I see a pain specialist every month for it.
> Where do I even begin??! I can't work and have no place to go, while I still have 2 kids I'm taking care of. My son is 18 and works, my daughter is 15 and of course still in school.
> Is it best to get an attorney?? If so, how the heck am I supposed to pay for that?!
> I know it might sound minute, but this is so so new to me. I'm terrified! Any advice? Thank you.


I'm surprised you didn't think of this before dropping the news... You absolutely will need a lawyer. Like said above, call around and see who will do a free consult. Your husband may end up paying both your legal fees and his legal fees. 

You will get alimony, and if you actually cannot work if may be for life (or until you remarry). You will get child support for one or both children, depending on the state and if they have special needs or not. In NYS child support goes to 21 for example, so you may want to do a quick search for your state. 

You do not have to leave the marital home. He cannot kick you out in most circumstances. He most likely cannot take you off his insurance until a life changing event happens (like divorce) so he may need to be actually divorced or _legally_ separated first.

I would consult with a lawyer ASAP. They can stop him from moving funds, get you interim support, etc.


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## nessy_tron602 (Nov 6, 2021)

ltsandwich said:


> Look around for divorce lawyers and get a consultation. Some will work pro Bono with a good case or meet income requirements (you should qualify).
> 
> "A good place to start looking for pro bono representation is by contacting Legal Aid in your county. They typically have very limited resources so there may be a really long wait list to get free representation. You’ll also likely have to meet certain income requirements, and if your income is higher than the threshold you may be ineligible for the service. "
> 
> ...


I have all day to myself and will be trying to get in contact with someone. Thank you for the website, I was able to find a number to get possible legal assistance. 
My husband is certainly not happy about my decision and usually acts childish when things don't go his way. One of many reasons I came to this decision. I just want things to go as smoothly as possible...Again, thank you!


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## nessy_tron602 (Nov 6, 2021)

bobert said:


> I'm surprised you didn't think of this before dropping the news... You absolutely will need a lawyer. Like said above, call around and see who will do a free consult. Your husband may end up paying both your legal fees and his legal fees.
> 
> You will get alimony, and if you actually cannot work if may be for life (or until you remarry). You will get child support for one or both children, depending on the state and if they have special needs or not. In NYS child support goes to 21 for example, so you may want to do a quick search for your state.
> 
> ...


I really should have thought it out more before finally confessing. I guess, I just didn't think I had it in me to finally do it. 
Things have just got way too much for us. I hate the person I am when I'm with him. I'm not happy anymore. I can see he's not happy anymore...even though he will not admit it. 
Not to get too personal, but we haven't slept in the same bed for almost 5 years. He's hardly ever home with me and the kids. He barely has a close relationship with our children. He's certainly not a terrible father but he should have put more effort into at least growing a relationship with them. Our kids resent him. I never wanted my children to feel that for their father. 
Anyhow, I could go on and on. Our relationship is just toxic now and I don't want it to effect my babies more than it already has. I've made a decision and now I have to get off my ass and do something about it. 
I live in Texas and I do believe that I could get alimony or child support. I'm definitely going to need financial support as I can figure a way to get my own income. He threatened that he will not help me and completely on my own. That scared the [email protected]# out of me! 
I have family who of course would help if needed, I just refused to burden anyone. 
Thanks for responding!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

nessy_tron602 said:


> He threatened that he will not help me and completely on my own. That scared the [email protected]# out of me!


Well, that's not for him to decide. A judge will make that decision. He has let you be a SAHM for 18 years, and now he has to pay the price. That's just the way it works. 

Are you able to work? Maybe a work from home job (which are more common now) or a sitting job? 

Lean on your family. Don't refuse to be a burden. That doesn't mean take advantage of them but they are your family and will want to be there for you.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

If by any chance (it happens sometimes), he tries to forcefully get you out of the house, be ready: immediately notify authorities by calling 911 before he has the chance to put you out. 

Even if the house were to be his and only his, it's your place of residence and he cannot kick you out just like that.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Also if you are in capable of work that is what disability is for. Look into applying.


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