# Found out in Afghanistan...need help coping.



## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

Long story short.

I believe my wife created an arguement for the purpose of cheating. We argued, she left (Feb 15th), came back two days later. Admitted to seeing her EX during that time. I asked her if something happened physically, she said "NO" her face told me "YES"!.

Her story;

We argued, I "kicked her out and locked the door behind her", her EX was messaging her, she met him at a hotel, got drunk, fell asleep, woke up with him on top, he finished (not inside her), she showered, came back to me. After telling me she slept with him, she said she loes me and wants to be with me, not him. "If I wanted to be with him, I would have been" To which my reply was "You WERE with him, more than once while we were together"

My story; She has been texting him since we got together, sometimes booty call stuff. I told her that if she met him again I would leave her. When I found out she met him and asked her if they did anything, she got pissed and threatened to leave me for good. I dropped it, not wanting to start a fight. She's due the first week of November, conception date is Feb 12th-17th (according to most sites). She admitted to sleeping with him, but there is more to the story, there are events that do not add up and she wont tell me where she was/what she was doing during those times. I remember what she told me when asked initially, but she refuses to talk about it. I love her very much and want to trust her and work this out. the issue is, she waited for me to get to Afghanistan to tell me, (protecting herself? the OM? I cant figure it out). 

what advice does TAM have for me to deal with this, if any at all. I know she cant be trusted, but I want to do right by the baby regardless if its mine or not, she doesnt need to go through the pregnancy alone. I mwaiting to get a paternity test done before I make any final decisions regarding staying with her or not.

Do I break contact and check up on her periodically to see if she needs anything (shes unemployed due to pregnancy)? 

Do I swallow my pride and give her another shot?

Need some help guys and gals, lots of time to think about this and its not healthy for my mind to be so pre-occupied here. Thank you before hand for the advice!!


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

It's clear from the outset that your wife never got over her ex. She's been cheating on you periodically throughout the relationship and using you as the fall back option. If I were to take a guess, you're the more reliable/responsible guy and he's the bad boy who she can never raise a family with.

She purposely creates fights so she could to her ex, she guilts you into silence when you question her fidelity and has been sleeping with him the whole time you were deployed (possibly even before). The question now is the pregnancy. If the child isn't yours, you need to run for the hills. This woman is not relationship material.

She shows you no respect because you have none for yourself. I'm not trying to sound mean here but when you issue an ultimatum that you're going to leave her if she contacts her ex, and she whips you into place after doing it anyway, what message does that send across? 

Now she admits to sleeping with him and possibly pregnant by his child and you're still considering giving her a 5th chance (or whatever number it's reached now).

I don't know what else to tell you but please don't play the martyr here. You're going to waste your life like that.


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## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

If the baby is not yours then it's not your responsibility to do right by it. That responsibility belongs to the OM. Find out if it's yours for sure, even if you do reconcile now. When she does the next time (and she will), you could be on the hook for 18+ years of child support for a kid that is not yours. It could conceivably be raised in a biologically intact household ( if she ends up with OM) while you are paying child support. 

Secondly, this girl is not wife material, let alone military wife material. She coldly calculated a fight with you in order to hook up with this guy. Soldiers need to be able to trust their spouses when they are gone (and they are gone a lot). You can't even trust her when you're not gone. 

This is a woman who cannot be trusted with your heart. I advise you to take it back. Use this deployment to emotionally detach. If the child is yours then support it, but that doesn't mean you have to be with its mother.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

She's playing you because she knows that everytime she fools around with her ex you're going to give her another chance anyway. 
Go figure, you are ready to give her another chance even-though you know your child might not be yours! 
How many times is she going back to her ex ? Everytime you argue? 
How many other babies will she have from her ex? 

She can't be trusted when you're there with her, let alone when you're in Afghanistan.


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

Complexity said:


> It's clear from the outset that your wife never got over her ex. She's been cheating on you periodically throughout the relationship and using you as the fall back option. If I were to take a guess, you're the more reliable/responsible guy and he's the bad boy who she can never raise a family with.
> 
> She purposely creates fights so she could to her ex, she guilts you into silence when you question her fidelity and has been sleeping with him the whole time you were deployed (possibly even before). The question now is the pregnancy. If the child isn't yours, you need to run for the hills. This woman is not relationship material.
> 
> ...


Man you hit the nail right on the head here. I have no police records, 9 years of Active Duty service in the Marines, Im in the Army Reserve now, I have 2 Active Security clearances, and I'm doing work overseas making good money. He's a felon, who's abusive, moving job to job, mooching off of people (of course I dont know him personally, thats just what she tells me). But your analysis is spot on. He's the guy who treats her like crap and she eats it up, I keep good food on clean dishes and keep her phone turned on and the gas tank full.


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## rigcol (Jul 24, 2012)

Brother:

As a fellow Marine, listen to the posters on this site. I have not personally experienced what you've described but with about 17 years in, I have seen similar situations with other Marines. Find out if the kid is yours and if it isn't get away from the situation as fast as you can.

Good luck.


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

rigcol said:


> Brother:
> 
> As a fellow Marine, listen to the posters on this site. I have not personally experienced what you've described but with about 17 years in, I have seen similar situations with other Marines. Find out if the kid is yours and if it isn't get away from the situation as fast as you can.
> 
> Good luck.


I hear you and the other posters loud and clear. When she admitted to cheating I told her I wanted a paternity test right away and she agreed, but tried to convince me it wasn't necessary. The major concern is, I might not get to go home for the birth, and I dont think she would take a paternity test if I ordered one online and had it sent to her. I talked to a lawyer and there is no good way I could get a court ordered test (I have to file for divorce) and they wont order a test until the baby is born. I'm on the verge of filing on her, but there are so many things that I worry about too. If the baby is mine I dont want to punish my son because of her actions, and I'm hoping that the kid being mine will change the way she feels about me. I also need more time to set myself up if/when we do split. If the kid isn't mine she'll realize that she made the mistake of her life in cheating on me. We have talked more about it since I got here, and she has tried to reassure me that it won't happen again, but I heard the same thing every time I caught her talking to her EX before. Either way, I'm trying to focus on protectinfg my borthers and sisters here.

Semper Fi


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## rigcol (Jul 24, 2012)

I do not have personal experience with your situation but as an infantryman, I've certainly seen it with some of my Marines. My advice is file for divorce in order to get the test. Her actions certainly warrant a divorce (or at least you filing for one). Additionally, this will give you the opportunity to get the paternity test ... if the baby is yours then you can 'adjust fire' and go from there. If it isn't you have already prepped the target and can pull the trigger as needed i.e. get the hell out of there. 

In my limited experiences, a baby will not change the relationship. You need to snap her out of this behaviour by putting your foot down and filing for divorce. Her actions have consequences and you should not tolerate disrespect. 

Be safe out there and keep your head on a swivel don't let this situation cloud your judgment. I wish you well, brother.

Semper Fi


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> *Either way, I'm trying to focus on protectinfg my borthers and sisters here.*
> 
> Semper Fi



_For that I like to say "thank you" from the bottom of my heart!_ 


I'm sorry that you have to deal with such a painful situation, particularly under such challenging circumstances. My cousin's husband is a Full Bird Colonel in the U. S. Army with 3 tours of duty in Iraq under his belt and a tour in Afghanistan coming up later this year. My cousin says that when a deployed soldier has to deal with marital troubles back home, that even more than a death in the family, it puts his mental and therefore, physical, well-being at risk, as well as those around him/her.

Your wife has gone back to her ex many times already and with the apparent conception date this child is most likely not yours. I suspect that your wife already knows this but with her bf being a loser and her being unemployed, she needs to keep you around for financial security and health insurance. That's very unfortunate for the baby, but if he isn't yours this is the time to move on and untangle yourself from what sounds like a lifetime of heartache. This is coming from someone who is very much pro-marriage and pro-reconciliation, but who has also, betrayed her own husband with infidelity. 

You can start over and find someone who will love you without the continued lies and deception. Once again, thank you for your service to our country. In my eyes, there is no celebrity, actor, musician or athlete that is worthy of the respect of a U.S. Soldier. They are the true heroes!


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

"Semper Fi"???? I know you were a Marine but now its "Army Strong"!! Just Kidding!!! When I enlisted its was " Be All You Can Be".....I prefer that over "Army Strong"!!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You kicked her out and locked the door. Did she have any other place to go?

I'm certainly not excusing her poor judgment and behavior, but if my husband kicked me out I'd feel like he abandoned me and wanted out of the marriage. I would see this as a separation. 

I believe you both made mistakes. However, I'd never kick my husband out of his house, nor would he kick me out. It's highly disrespectful.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Biscuits said:


> If the baby is mine I dont want to punish my son because of her actions, and *I'm hoping that the kid being mine will change the way she feels about me*.


It won't, don't fool yourself thinking this is even remotely possible.

You are being used and if you stay with her and/or the baby is yours she will use it to control you.

You need to get out ASAP. Like the others said, she is NOT wife material and this will not have a happy ending if you think about staying with her. She failed as a wife, find another one.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Whether the kid is yours or not, it has nothing to do with wife's feelings about you. 
Women's feelings about men don't depend on their kids' paternity. 

A woman loves you or she doesn't! No matter who she has her child with.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think you should file for divorce because you are being played big time and both the ex and her are using you.

Even if the child is yours, she isn't not a worthy and loving wife. She never will be. Women who love you and are worthy of your love and loyalty DO NOT do what she did, and it sounds like continues to be doing. 

Even if it is your child, that won't turn her into a loyal loving wife. All it will turn her into it the mother of the child you share with her.

Right now she is feeling totally safe and comfortable. She has you right where she wants you: Far away and paying the bills, and feeling like you have no options.

Meanwhile she is more likely than not still hooking up with this EX now that you are deployed. Expect she is using your bed instead of the hotel. And the Ex is likely eating the food, drinking the beer, and watching the TV you are paying for.

You should file for divorce now, demand a paternity test - and if it is yours, demand shared custody when you return from service.

If it will help you, hire a PI to check up on her and watch your place to catch the Ex visiting or even worse living there while you are deployed.

Finding out that she is still with him, will also help in you not feeling guilty when you cut off giving her money when you file.

Don't let this situation run any longer.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Biscuits said:


> I mwaiting to get a paternity test done before I make any final decisions regarding staying with her or not.


I think this is the best plan for you right now. You have a job to do so stay focused.

BTW, Thanks for your service, if it wasn't for guys like you, I'd be dealing with hodjy at my front door.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> You kicked her out and locked the door. Did she have any other place to go?
> 
> I'm certainly not excusing her poor judgment and behavior, *but if my husband kicked me out I'd feel like he abandoned me and wanted out of the marriage.* I would see this as a separation.
> 
> I believe you both made mistakes. However, I'd never kick my husband out of his house, nor would he kick me out. It's highly disrespectful.


Ummm...

If you had an affair, then I feel you had abandoned your husband already and wanted out of the marriage.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Biscuits said:


> My story; She has been texting him since we got together, sometimes booty call stuff. I told her that if she met him again I would leave her. When I found out she met him and asked her if they did anything, she got pissed and threatened to leave me for good. I dropped it, not wanting to start a fight. *She's due the first week of November, conception date is Feb 12th-17th (according to most sites). She admitted to sleeping with him*, but there is more to the story, there are events that do not add up and she wont tell me where she was/what she was doing during those times. I remember what she told me when asked initially, but she refuses to talk about it. I love her very much and want to trust her and work this out. the issue is, she waited for me to get to Afghanistan to tell me, (protecting herself? the OM? I cant figure it out).



It's August now. File for that divorce now. Here's why.

Note that the filing of divorce does allow you to reconcile should you want one later.

A child (even though you're not the biological father) born into the marriage becomes your legal and financial responsibility. You will be stuck paying for the child for the next 18 to 23 years. You will pay for his clothing, food, education, medical, dental. And you'll pay till he/she is 23 years old should he/she decide to go to university.

That would suck big time -- paying to raise another man's child. All because your skanky wife is unfaithful.

The child is dued November. A divorce goes a long way to help you avoid raising your wife lover's child.



(And if the child is yours after confirmation by paternity test, you should stay involve in his/her life.)


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

First thank you for your service and sacrifice on behalf of our country.

Bottom line here is that your wife has never committed 100% to you. The Ex has always been waiting in the wings. If the baby turns out to be his, even if she says she wants to stay with you, the bond of having a child together means that the Ex will never be out of your life. He will always be there.

You will always wonder if she is staying with you for the security you can provide. She keeps him around for the excitement and danger he provides.

It sucks but that's the way I see it.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

aug said:


> Ummm...
> 
> If you had an affair, then I feel you had abandoned your husband already and wanted out of the marriage.


My ex h had several affairs on me. I never kicked him out. I left the marriage. I thought it was only one affair, but later found out it was more. I had my suspicions there were several, but no proof until later. I never kicked him out. I packed our baby and left. I do not put up with infidelity period. The number one deal breaker for me.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> Long story short.
> 
> I believe my wife created an arguement for the purpose of cheating. We argued, she left (Feb 15th), came back two days later. Admitted to seeing her EX during that time. I asked her if something happened physically, she said "NO" her face told me "YES"!.
> 
> ...


Man this isn't a relationship worth saving. You are no one's back up plan. I know you love her but, she doesn't love you enough to not screw someone else repeatedly. If it isn't the EX she will run to the next guy she has an emotional attachment to. 
This is a long term multiple instance cheater.
Get tested for STD's(you never know who her ex was screwing), have a dna test run on the baby, as soon as the DNA test came back I would leave her. Then if the baby is yours then file for custody. If the baby isn't yours you get a clean break.

Do not you stay with this woman. You will always be her fall back guy. Sorry and thank you for your service.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Biscuits, I've read all your posts. This woman is toxic. She is endangering your physical and mental health. You cannot do the job you're doing if you are distracted by all of her drama. Please, cut your losses. You can be a part of your son's life (if he is, indeed your son), even if you are divorced. Better a healthy father than no father.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> You kicked her out and locked the door. Did she have any other place to go?
> 
> I'm certainly not excusing her poor judgment and behavior, but if my husband kicked me out I'd feel like he abandoned me and wanted out of the marriage. I would see this as a separation.
> 
> I believe you both made mistakes. However, I'd never kick my husband out of his house, nor would he kick me out. It's highly disrespectful.


There's always someplace else to go other than to your lover's bed.

It wasn't him who was being disrespectful in the first place.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> There's always someplace else to go other than to your lover's bed.
> 
> It wasn't him who was being disrespectful in the first place.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

It's like she's blaming the victim.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> There's always someplace else to go other than to your lover's bed.
> 
> It wasn't him who was being disrespectful in the first place.


I fully understand this. Also, you can not legally lock your spouse of the home either. She didn't sleep with the ex until after she was locked out.

I also wonder if the OP didn't kick her out if she would of stayed home. I'm not excusing her actions. They are way out of line. I do not agree with infidelity in any form either, ever. I would of ended the marriage as soon as possible. Like I said before, my ex h had several affairs while married to me. He never changed. 18-19 years later he's still cheating and has had several affairs on his current wife. infidelity is never justifiable.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> She didn't sleep with the ex until after she was locked out.


That's a major assumption on your part.

Also, from reading his various posts, she baited him into 'kicking' her out so that she could hook up with the OM.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Pop smoke now. Go to finance and cut off all funding. See IF you can file for Divorce from the field. You have to be at 100% were you are at or alot of people will get killed. You are worth alot more than she is, stop with the making up part, she is not worth it at all. Thank you very much for your hard work over there. David


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Kicking his wife out was his choice, an action that shows he will not tolorate her adultous behavior.
When WW left she has the choice to go to F&F and figure out how to save her marriage or go to OM, with out regard to the marriage.

The way I see it its not about disrespect, it about *respect* OP has enough self respect to no longer tolorate sharing his wife. To bad WW doesn't have the same respect for her self and her husband.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> That's a major assumption on your part.
> 
> Also, from reading his various posts, she baited him into 'kicking' her out so that she could hook up with the OM.


Your absolutely right. I just assumed this by reading the post above. I never read of any other posts by the OP. Maybe I read it wrong, but it sounds like she had the PA after she was kicked out. This does not make it justifiable on her part either.

This is just my opinion, but I don't believe it's right to kick your spouse out of the house unless there is a separation or divorce involved.

Never under any circumstances should there be infidelity. Furthermore, I'm checking out of this thread.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I fully understand this. Also, you can not legally lock your spouse of the home either. She didn't sleep with the ex until after she was locked out.
> .


He didn't kick her out , nor did he lock her out. Please read the OP's posts carefully.

Even if he had kicked her out, she shouldn't have jumped on her lover's bed.
Doesn't she have a place of her own? A friend? or even book a hotel room to pass the night by herself.
There are always better solutions.


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I fully understand this. Also, you can not legally lock your spouse of the home either. She didn't sleep with the ex until after she was locked out.
> 
> I also wonder if the OP didn't kick her out if she would of stayed home. I'm not excusing her actions. They are way out of line. I do not agree with infidelity in any form either, ever. I would of ended the marriage as soon as possible. Like I said before, my ex h had several affairs while married to me. He never changed. 18-19 years later he's still cheating and has had several affairs on his current wife. infidelity is never justifiable.


Let me clarify what I meant when I said I "licked her out". Once the arguement had begun and I realized that there would ne absolutely no chance of communication fixing the problem, I realized that I was stuck in the "Im mad at you because you dont know why Im mad at you phase" and seh wasnt offering up any info. She verbally asked me at least 10 times if I wanted her to leave, or if I wanted to break up...each time I said no. FINALLY!! After at least the tenth time she asked, I said "What would you say if I said yes, I want you to leave" and you would have thought a starter's pistol had just went off. She was OUT THE DOOR. I called her, voicemail. I texted her, no reply. I sent her an e-mail basically pouring my heart out to her later that night. Looking at the times, it was about when her EX asked...what room are you in? SO, she got a heartfelt e-mail from me, read it, and then told her EX what room she was staying in and then cheated on me. Not once did I get physical, not once did I raise my hand at her, or block her from leaving, or do anything else to hurt her. I treid to talk to her about what was going on in her mind, at least now I know why she didnt tell me, because it would have been odd for her to look at her 2K diamond engagement ring and say, "Here, can you hold this, I'm going to meet my big **** EX for a night of hot sex, see you tomorrow, I love you"


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Biscuits, You need to contact legal right away and change the beneficiary of your will. Before I get flamed here is a first hand story.

I am close friends with a buddy whose son was in the NG. Married with two young kids. He deployed a couple of years ago and while he was gone his wife started and affair with a co-worker. He returned. She told him she did not want to be married and they separated. She lived the single-girl party life with several X-boyfriends.

He deployed again last August. He didn't make it back. Still being legally married, his **** wife got the immediate death benefits. But surprise - he had enough sense to make his Mom the primary beneficiary with instructions to create a trust for his two kids.

Something to consider.

Be safe my friend.


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

Thanks for the reply ladies and gentleman. Your insight has helped me to see a few things, most importantly the fact that no matter what I can give this woman in terms of love, dignity, respect and faithfulness...I'll never get the same in return.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Wanting a Strong Marriage said:


> If the baby is not yours then it's not your responsibility to do right by it. That responsibility belongs to the OM. Find out if it's yours for sure, even if you do reconcile now. When she does the next time (and she will), you could be on the hook for 18+ years of child support for a kid that is not yours. It could conceivably be raised in a biologically intact household ( if she ends up with OM) while you are paying child support.
> 
> Secondly, this girl is not wife material, let alone military wife material. She coldly calculated a fight with you in order to hook up with this guy. Soldiers need to be able to trust their spouses when they are gone (and they are gone a lot). You can't even trust her when you're not gone.
> 
> This is a woman who cannot be trusted with your heart. I advise you to take it back. Use this deployment to emotionally detach. If the child is yours then support it, but that doesn't mean you have to be with its mother.


Is that even possible? To pay child support for a child that is not biologically yours?


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Biscuits...

I'm in a similar situation as you are, except my H can't get pregnant...nor has he gotten anyone pregnant (thank goodness)

If this baby is not yours, then hand her over to her AP. Let him raise the child. It's his responsibility if it is the case. Your W has never gotten the point, and continually cheated on you, probably does more now since she is pregnant (can't get pregnant if you're pregnant). This is just what I would do of course. 

To live with a person like that, and to raise the child that they so willingly asked for from an AP by being careless..not excusable. I wouldn't even stay with my H if he got a girl pregnant. I couldn't live with that. and I wouldn't expect him to stay with me if it was the other way around either. 

Make sure you get the paternity test done. Even if the baby is yours, make sure you put your W in her place. Give her the ultimatum. Or she will continue cheating on you until you cannot take it anymore.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

somethingelse said:


> Is that even possible? To pay child support for a child that is not biologically yours?


yes.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

aug said:


> yes.


wow, I never knew that.

I read though, that the child has to be born during the marriage in order for the H to have to pay.

So technically if the H divorces before the child is born, he would not be held legally responsible? Is this true?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

somethingelse said:


> wow, I never knew that.
> 
> I read though, that the child has to be born during the marriage in order for the H to have to pay.
> 
> So technically if the H divorces before the child is born, he would not be held legally responsible? Is this true?


Yes. This is why the clock is ticking. If the child is born during the marriage, no matter who the biological father is, the child is considered a child of the marriage. And the OM gets off scott free from having to pay ANY child support.

There are MANY horror stories like this. I've read cases where the WW gets pregnant by the OM, then divorced her BH and married her OM, and her BH is still stuck paying child support. Basically giving his WW and the OM free money for the next 18 years. 

You have to understand: The courts don't give a flying frack who the real father is, their main concern is the welfare of the child. So if you don't divorce or contest the parentage of the child before the child is born or immediately after, then you're stuck having to support another man's child and OM gets to basically bang your WW and laugh in your face.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

somethingelse said:


> Is that even possible? To pay child support for a child that is not biologically yours?


Absolutely. The husband is responsible for the children his wife has. A hsuband has to challenge the paternity. Even then this must be done in a finite period of time. Not a long time either.

MANY men raise children thinking they are their own. Some eventually find out but are stuck with support even when the bilogical father is identified. Sometimes the wife ends up living with the bilogical father and receives money from the cuckold husband for child support.

But the crulety is when a father raises the child as his own, unkowingly and then the wife decides to ditch the husband and then tells him the child is not his. He still loves the child he raised bit has to fight for visitation.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Yes. This is why the clock is ticking. If the child is born during the marriage, no matter who the biological father is, the child is considered a child of the marriage. And the OM gets off scott free from having to pay ANY child support.
> 
> There are MANY horror stories like this. I've read cases where the WW gets pregnant by the OM, then divorced her BH and married her OM, and her BH is still stuck paying child support. Basically giving his WW and the OM free money for the next 18 years.
> 
> You have to understand: The courts don't give a flying frack who the real father is, their main concern is the welfare of the child. So if you don't divorce or contest the parentage of the child before the child is born or immediately after, then you're stuck having to support another man's child and OM gets to basically bang your WW and laugh in your face.


So he might still have time to get out of this..

I did read that if the BH stays too long into the pregnancy, that he will have to pay too.

you would think that if the WS leaves the BH for the AP, the BH would be able to take that to the courts, and have them re-evaluate the situation..but I'm guessing that doesn't happen


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Absolutely. The husband is responsible for the children his wife has. A hsuband has to challenge the paternity. Even then this must be done in a finite period of time. Not a long time either.
> 
> MANY men raise children thinking they are their own. Some eventually find out but are stuck with support even when the bilogical father is identified. Sometimes the wife ends up living with the bilogical father and receives money from the cuckold husband for child support.
> 
> But the crulety is when a father raises the child as his own, unkowingly and then the wife decides to ditch the husband and then tells him the child is not his. He still loves the child he raised bit has to fight for visitation.


Men really do get played around in the court system don't they? It's really sad


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

somethingelse said:


> So he might still have time to get out of this..
> 
> I did read that if the BH stays too long into the pregnancy, that he will have to pay too.
> 
> you would think that if the WS leaves the BH for the AP, the BH would be able to take that to the courts, and have them re-evaluate the situation..but I'm guessing that doesn't happen


That's why the clock is ticking. 

Just like in the UK, if you don't divorce within 6 months of finding out the affair, then it's considered by the courts that you condone the affair. We had a member here who INSISTED on waiting to see if his WW came out of the fog and he delayed and delayed, until it was too late. 

I don't know if biscuits has even started any process yet.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> That's why the clock is ticking.
> 
> Just like in the UK, if you don't divorce within 6 months of finding out the affair, then it's considered by the courts that you condone the affair. We had a member here who INSISTED on waiting to see if his WW came out of the fog and he delayed and delayed, until it was too late.
> 
> I don't know if biscuits has even started any process yet.


Oh boy...

Biscuits better get himself in gear


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> I've read cases where the WW gets pregnant by the OM, then divorced her BH and married her OM, and her BH is still stuck paying child support. Basically giving his WW and the OM free money for the next 18 years.
> .




OMG! Horrible! I don't know how some women are able to do this!


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

Ive tried to contact lawyers here, there is a huge lag time in conversation due to time difference though. I am trying to determine the paternity before doing anything rash. I am trying to file for legal seperation so she can still take care of the child through my insurance...I KNOW, I KNOW, but Im not that type of guy who's just going to dump the woman I love on the street corner and just leave her there. I want to see this thing through until the baby is born, after paternity is determined we will go from there. For the mean time I am trying to seperate, and make sure she still has a healthy regnancy regardless of who the father is. In the long run, this will be better for me, her and the baby in case it is mine. It's just hard dealing with everything since I am here and cant really talk to her face to face to determine her motives. I also believe that she may still be seeing OM, but what can I do from here?


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> I also believe that she may still be seeing OM, but what can I do from here?


You can divorce her. Whether or not the baby's yours should not be a factor in getting rid of your cake eating wife. Here are your options:

1) Divorce her and the baby is yours. You will still be a part of the child's life.

2) Divorce her and the baby is not yours. No need to ever see her skanky ass again.

3) Don't divorce her and the baby is yours. You still have a cheating wife that doesn't respect you or the marriage.

4) Don't divorce her and the baby is NOT yours. Oh my freaking god. Hell on earth because you are on the hook for another man's child for 18-plus years.,

(Also, keep in mind that there's nothing stopping her from divorcing YOU when it becomes suitable for her.)


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Legal Sep doesn't protected you from being designated the kids father at birth and getting stuck paying for the rest of its like it you are not the father.

Specifically talk to your laywer about protecting you from not being listed as the father and not responsible for child support if the child is not yours.

btw - do you have anyway of checking up on her right now? Is she still seeing the ex? I'm betting she is.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Biscuits said:


> make sure she still has a healthy regnancy regardless of who the father is. In the long run, this will be better for me, her and the baby in case it is mine. It's just hard dealing with everything since I am here and cant really talk to her face to face to determine her motives. I also believe that she may still be seeing OM, but what can I do from here?


There are state programs that will ensure that she gets prenatal coverage even in the worst case.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Legal Sep doesn't protected you from being designated the kids father at birth and getting stuck paying for the rest of its like it you are not the father.
> 
> Specifically talk to your laywer about protecting you from not being listed as the father and not responsible for child support if the child is not yours.
> 
> btw - do you have anyway of checking up on her right now? Is she still seeing the ex? I'm betting she is.



I agree. Dont go half-assed. Legal separation does not protect your interest in any way. File for divorce. Then work from there is the child is yours.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> Ive tried to contact lawyers here, there is a huge lag time in conversation due to time difference though. I am trying to determine the paternity before doing anything rash. I am trying to file for legal seperation so she can still take care of the child through my insurance...I KNOW, I KNOW, but Im not that type of guy who's just going to dump the woman I love on the street corner and just leave her there. I want to see this thing through until the baby is born, after paternity is determined we will go from there. For the mean time I am trying to seperate, and make sure she still has a healthy regnancy regardless of who the father is. In the long run, this will be better for me, her and the baby in case it is mine. It's just hard dealing with everything since I am here and cant really talk to her face to face to determine her motives. I also believe that she may still be seeing OM, but what can I do from here?


If you wait until the baby is born, and you find out the baby is not yours, you are going to have to pay the child support for 18 years, regardless of whether she leaves you for the child's biological father (if that happens). 

You said you suspect she is still seeing the OM? Then that's a huge sign to get out now before it's too late for you. D before you are deemed the rightful father..because you don't know whether you are yet or not..

Are you willing to pay every month for 18 years, only to be cut out of the picture? possibly never see the child? and remember, the more you make, the more you pay.

My H has a daughter with his ex, and she has never allowed him to come near his daughter while he pays her child support (and he's the biological father). She is now married and my H has only seen his daughter for a week since she was 2 years old. Is this what you are willing to risk? just to find out that the baby is not yours?


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

and by the way...my H's daughter is 9 years old now..do the math


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## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

Bro you need to listen to what the people are saying on here and start acting with the quickness. Do you have a legal dept where your at. Draw up a limited power of attorney for someone back here to get the D started. If your at a FOB or something I am sure your chain of command will help you out. Don't **** around on this and CYA
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Saw your post here. (on edit: post deleted)

Your wife appears to be a serial cheater. 

I hope you have the resolve to let her go.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

aug said:


> Saw your post here.
> 
> Your wife appears to be a serial cheater.
> 
> I hope you have the resolve to let her go.


Its jlock's post? Are they same persons's:scratchhead:


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## ShadowOfDoubt (Aug 5, 2012)

As a marine, the Marines provides you with quarters - the barracks. When a Marine is married, the Marines provides the spouse on post housing or Basic Allowance for Quarters. You, have no right to throw your spouse out. If I was your Commander... OMG!


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Jonesey said:


> Its jlock's post? Are they same persons's:scratchhead:



Biscuit's post got deleted. I edited my post.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

aug said:


> Biscuit's post got deleted. I edited my post.


Ok. I just got little confused thats all.
But thanks for clearing it up.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

ShadowOfDoubt said:


> As a marine, the Marines provides you with quarters - the barracks. When a Marine is married, the Marines provides the spouse on post housing or Basic Allowance for Quarters. You, have no right to throw your spouse out. If I was your Commander... OMG!


WTF? Did you read the thread from the beginning? She baited him into 'kicking' her out so that she could hook up with the OM.

Are you blaming him for the fact that his wife is a cake eating serial cheating skank too?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

ShadowOfDoubt said:


> As a marine, the Marines provides you with quarters - the barracks. When a Marine is married, the Marines provides the spouse on post housing or Basic Allowance for Quarters. You, have no right to throw your spouse out. If I was your Commander... OMG!


He said he was active duty Marines for 9 years and now in the Army Reserve. Operative word here is WAS.

No post housing or Quarters allowance for Army Reservist.

He is now deployed. So the wife is home in his house doing God knows what with her Ex.


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## rigcol (Jul 24, 2012)

ShadowOfDoubt said:


> As a marine, the Marines provides you with quarters - the barracks. When a Marine is married, the Marines provides the spouse on post housing or Basic Allowance for Quarters. You, have no right to throw your spouse out. If I was your Commander... OMG!



Reveille, Devil Dog.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

ShadowOfDoubt said:


> As a marine, the Marines provides you with quarters - the barracks. When a Marine is married, the Marines provides the spouse on post housing or Basic Allowance for Quarters. You, have no right to throw your spouse out. If I was your Commander... OMG!





2. Post and this is your response? :scratchhead:

Did you even bother read the entire tread?

Seriously dude?

Who are you, anyway?


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Wanting a Strong Marriage said:


> If the baby is not yours then it's not your responsibility to do right by it. That responsibility belongs to the OM. Find out if it's yours for sure, even if you do reconcile now. When she does the next time (and she will), you could be on the hook for 18+ years of child support for a kid that is not yours. It could conceivably be raised in a biologically intact household ( if she ends up with OM) while you are paying child support.
> 
> Secondly, this girl is not wife material, let alone military wife material. She coldly calculated a fight with you in order to hook up with this guy. Soldiers need to be able to trust their spouses when they are gone (and they are gone a lot). You can't even trust her when you're not gone.
> 
> This is a woman who cannot be trusted with your heart. I advise you to take it back. Use this deployment to emotionally detach. If the child is yours then support it, but that doesn't mean you have to be with its mother.


In some states, a child conceived within the bounds of a marriage, the husband automatically is responsible for the child, regarless of parternity. 

Need to check out the laws in your state.


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