# The move, The Weekend, The end.....



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

So Fathers Day weekend passes us by and it will be one I remember for the rest of my life. I moved out stayed in a hotel all weekend and managed to secure an apartment. The place is small, perfect for me and when the kids come over they'll just sleep with me in the bed. But the point I make is that it has finally come to this and it was the hardest thing in my life to leave and it was just very depressing to leave and live out of a suitcase for the last three days. I'm hoping that going forward as I get used to my new life that the feelings of loneliness don't overwhelm me. Honestly I'm a bit scared. The reality of a new life alone going forward has me a bit freaked out. From the financial standpoint, from the personal front it's something I havent dealt with in over 10 years. I'm also nervous about the reality of dating and what women will think of me with all of the baggage I carry. I feel like damaged goods.


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## ThatGuy23 (Jun 19, 2011)

Stay strong, man. You are doing whats right for you, even if it is frightening. That's awesome you were able to get an apartment. 

10 years of essentially prison is what you had to deal with, and I'm glad you were strong enough to carve a way out for yourself. 

No fear (or regrets!)!


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Good luck to you.

And ...... almost everyone has some sort of baggage and we all are damaged goods.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore said:


> Good luck to you.
> 
> And ...... almost everyone has some sort of baggage and we all are damaged goods.


Yes, yes we are!!!


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

brighterlight said:


> Yes, yes we are!!!


Baggage or character?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Damn straight we all have our fair share of damage!


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

golfergirl said:


> Baggage or character?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am being told by my kids, friends and familty that I have benn showing so much character throughout all of this that they say that my example is teaching them a lot.

But my patience is waning! I don't know how much longer I can tolerate her calling me a weak man, and telling me how my family sucks! She is testing my resolve and I don't want her to break my character and respect; although she is blaming me for 90% of the divorce she asked for. I told her that I am not going to allow her to pin that on me.

golfergirl, as for your question - I wouldn't call baggage having character. I think that the emotional baggage is so hard to deal with. I mean, how do you date somebody and put aside ALL of your fears and pains and pretend like you have no issues in the world? I know no one wants to hear that on a date, and I definitely don't want to bring it up if I am trying to enjoy myself. But deep down inside, you are really struggling with your soul. I guess you really have to bury that way down inside and that could take a while.

What I am trying to say is that a first date will be great but when will it truly be a open hearted one? I dunno. I am having a terrible day today and maybe that is why I am struggling with this. I sure don't want to burden a lady with my sad problems. It's heartbreaking to know that you were a loving dedicated family man for 31 years but all the while, the spouse thought otherwise. She does acknowledge that I am and always have been a fantastic father but did I lose her in the meantime? I think so and I no longer feel like a complete man; I feel like broken goods.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

BL, if its what your heart seeks, you will find an amazing person to share life with, one who acknowledges your dedication and respects and appreciates your qualities instead of taking them for granted... (at least there better be or else all hope is lost for me too  ) And it would be no surprise if the character this new person in your life shows comes from the emotional baggage that she has picked up along the way. And if you are not ready then that is fine too, just learn to appreciate your own self-worth, it may take some time before it happens so atleast wake up happy and know that you are just going to put yourself out there and the universe will take care of you the way it will.

I'm sorry you are having a rough day, I can sense I'm due for one of those real soon. I'm thankful I had a truly marvelous fathers day yesterday, had the most fun with my son! I even got a little satisfaction of seeing my wife's hardships already taking shape. Decided to have a heart to heart with her brother because him and his wife have kind of been in the dark and they deserve the truth because they love her and will be her ultimate support, she hasn't been up to being truthful with her closest family it seems, so I know she is still just deluding herself.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Lon, thanks. I know it will be up and down for us for a while. I have tried to contact her three times today about something and I have no response. So I will go silent, it's her turn to communicate if she wants to. And if she doesn't until later this week, then that is fine too. We can't stay silent as we still need to work out our finances so I don't know what her plans are for this.

If you have read my other posts today, I don't know how long I can stay nice and respectful to her. She says I am weak and have no b**lls. OK, well, it's time for me to be the person she want's me to be - and she is going to HATE it! After that she will probably be calling back the old me, and it isn't giong to be there. Whups!

As for the having no b**lls. I wonder why she forgot that when she broke her knee in 2004 at work, I am the one who took on the courts defending her after everyone, including the lawyers said fighting for insurance coverage against workers compensation is a lost cause in this state. Guess what, I fought the insurance company (they had 4 attorneys) in court on my own and won for her - why, because i know in my heart I was right. Tell me it doen't take b**lls to defend and fight your own case in what was a foriegn arena for me.

I wonder where the b**lls where when she got cancer and I was able to get the right contacts in place to get her into the best cancer center in the country - and then I prayed and stuck by her side everyday for 13 monthe while she (WE) fought this thing. It took more courage than she will ever now not to break down everyday in front of her or in fornt of my kids and family!

It think she is a very confused person and I am deeply hurt that she did not see 31 years of me FIGHGTING for her, my family and my kids. What she calls b**lls is having the ability to hurt other people when it is for your betterment. I'm sorry, that is not in my nature; but she still made me feel small this morning and I still feel small but there is a little bit of angry starting to show.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Sounds like she is not only confused, but selfish - not just selfish in prioritizing life but in the childish way that she really can't understand at all these things happen through interaction between others, not just between her and her things. This is just the way it is for some I guess, I know my wife is like that - she completely can't acknowledge my contributions to our life, its not like the business she made all by herself could have happened if I didn't make sacrifice in time, energy and money (but she doesn't see that), its not like the freedom she had to do all the things she has been doing came because there is just too much free time in a day - again my hard work and devotion to the home is what allowed her to be able to live her new dream life etc. Well she is in for a huge wake up call, and no it isn't Karma, its just plain reality, of which I've been the one dealing with for all too long - I haven't been burned out on autopilot and depressed because I'm just a lazy person, its cause she didn't see it was me picking up the slack for way too long, and when I wasn't able to continue she just leaves... ok bye then, by the way you can take all this responsibility with you slacker, learn to deal with it (it will get ugly).


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Lon, I wonder why they choose to think about only what they want and what will make them happy in the short term. She was not like that for so many years but quite honestly, she hasn't GENIUNELY acknowledged my contributions to the family just like yours didn't TRULY appreciate everything you've done. I am so hurt by the fact that what I thought I was doing was really being appreciated for what it was, but instead, she has been choosing to see some of my few bad traits for so many years now. And by bad traits, I mean minor stuff like not taking her out enough (every weekend). Not getting that glamour body that she wanted, etc.

I guess nowadays, faithful, devoted, loving, and responsible doesn't cut it. And I consider myself a decent looking guy - just need to work on the abs. I honestly think she is getting more resentful every day because she sees the improvements I have made and it is eating her alive inside.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

BL, I know EXACTLY what you mean.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

My STBX started calling me ghetto rat and insulting my intelligence and education. I am hispanic and grew up pretty rough, but i grew and became a very well spoken person with a good job. I became a man. It obviously was good enough for her when we first me and it was naturally good enough for her when we had our children. Not only that but insulting my heritage only demeans not only myself but her children as well. I know I am none of the things she has called me, and she has gone out of her way to bad mouth me to all of our close friends who are now only her friends. I dont take much into that as those people are not my friends if they judge me based on her story only. In any case, I dont let her words affect me as I have recognized the source and who it comes from. She is bitter and angry and I will never go on on my life living with that in my heart.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Pfft I'm glad you're not listening to this person's trash talking. You don't need that. No one does. 

When people say crap like that, it's a reflection of THEM, not of you.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

staircase said:


> Pfft I'm glad you're not listening to this person's trash talking. You don't need that. No one does.
> 
> When people say crap like that, it's a reflection of THEM, not of you.


yep!:iagree:


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Rico
Get a support group, your family, your true friends, this site and IC. This will help you build your self esteem and recognize that you are a wonderful human being with so much to offer and no one I mean NO ONE can take that away unless....you allow it. Don't.

Be confident that this will have been the best thing for you since your strength of character, loyalty, trust were not appreciated.

I'd appreciate that and I know most women AND men would appreciate those qualities and you have them.

Hold your head high, you have every right to. We all have every right to. Don't allow anyone to tell you who or what you are. You tell yourself, you are the captain of your ship, this person sounds like a bilge rat. Get it off the boat and sail into the sunrise of your new life.

Wow, quite poetic. But do it.


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