# Yet another question for the ladies



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

or for a man when applied in reverse.

when you step out of line, i mean really act like a pure beeyotch (or the man version) and you know it deep inside, how do you WANT your husband (wife) to respond or act? what do you expect them to do?

im not talking about you being mad because your spouse messed up, im talking about when you messed up and acted unreasonably.

im married to someone who did it today, and they have too much pride an are too stubborn to admit it and apologize. so we are in standoff mode, and i am leaving to go out of town for a week in the morning. she can expect me to have limited contact with her while im gone.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'm not stubborn by nature so if I was in your shoes, I'd probably approach her and say calmly yet firmly "Although what has happened is unacceptable to me and we'll need to deal with it, I don't want us to be apart with this between us. So for now, can we meet on neutral ground?" 

I'd offer an olive branch on her behalf because I'd hate to leave with hostile emotions lingering.

What do you want to happen though?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

heartsbreaking said:


> What do you want to happen though?


as for my situation, i am enjoying the quiet so i hope she stays stubborn 

i am not going to coerce an apology out of her.

but my real question is "what does someone who acts like that expect out of the recipient of their ill actions"


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Oh I wasn't suggesting you try to coerce an apology but I'd hate to leave my SO with a state of bad feeling.

Without knowing any details of what happened, I'll assume the behavior was similar to that of a tantrum. It's unreasonable. It's demanding. It's attempting to push boundaries. It sometimes hurts the other person. I'd say it's also potentially a feeling of extreme frustration/upset that isn't being expressed or faced up to in a way that is accountable, responsible or helpful. What do they expect? To get their own way and/or deep down actually want to be told "No". 

Best thing you can do? Stay calm and in control. My 0.2 cents.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I wish my husband would stand up to me and calmly but firmly tell me that my behavior is unacceptable. Call me on it. But then again these days I'll catch it before he says anything and I absolutely apologize.

In the past when I was too stubborn he just took it and waited for me to melt. I'm sure while he waited he probably enjoyed the quiet as well.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

OD,
This isn't about her. And her view is not something you should really consider. You simply say "that is unacceptable" and then all 
Real conversation ends until she apologizes. This whole concept of "my w is too stubborn to apologize" is wholly invalid. The accurate statement is " my spouse does not respect me enough to apologize even when they are clearly in the wrong". 

In all 50-50 blame situations, I apologize without hesitation. If she wants to take responsibility for her part that is up to her. But in clear cut cases where she was out of line - interaction stops until she apologizes or explains. I simply would not stay married to someone who refused to admit fault.
I deserve and demand better.

TE=okeydokie;386949]or for a man when applied in reverse.

when you step out of line, i mean really act like a pure beeyotch (or the man version) and you know it deep inside, how do you WANT your husband (wife) to respond or act? what do you expect them to do?

im not talking about you being mad because your spouse messed up, im talking about when you messed up and acted unreasonably.

im married to someone who did it today, and they have too much pride an are too stubborn to admit it and apologize. so we are in standoff mode, and i am leaving to go out of town for a week in the morning. she can expect me to have limited contact with her while im gone.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I want him to react strongly and not back down. He is the calmer and more mature person in the relationship. He has never backed down doesn't explain things when I get excited and jump to stupid conclusions. He may walk away and tell me when I calm down he will be glad to talk and he will not discuss anything substantial until we can be calm. 

I try not to push him because I respect my husband, and that is more important to me than winning an argument. He did not always have the upper hand. When we were teens, he would cater to me and would back down when I got upset. Then around our 20s, he manned up big time and did not let me get away with anything. I suspect his father had a hand in things although he would never say. 

I don't think most women want a man who can't handle her. 

I am never absolutely sure about my husband in the sense that he gives the impression that he could live quite well without me. He is very loving but not enslaved. Our lives are intertwined but we both have a life outside of our marriage. So we are not totally in each others pockets.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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