# I am confused about my life.



## christine30 (Mar 23, 2010)

I do not know where to start, I have written before on this page in hope of other views, but at the end we all end up following our heart. I am 33 years old, I was married when I was 30 and within 9 months of our marriage we separated and was divorced because he was an alcoholic and wouldn’t change to better our marriage – so that ended in a divorce and have moved on from him. 
Thereafter, I fell in love with another man , that I thought and still think is my future. When I met him I fell lustfully in love with him, and as time went by I was like wow, he makes me feel happy and content, unfortunately, he set me up with a text message when we first met and I thought it was a friend of a friend and was like I am married, the person ask to send a pic of them self to me and I said no, but they send me a pic of their penis. I kept asking who was this and all.. but he took it out of content- the next day he told me he set me up and I went to his place and spoke to him and apologize that I didn’t ask for the pic and yeah I should have not text back, but I was like who would have my number and I made a mistake – its not like I met up with the person. So we went back, but since then he lost the trust In me, and each time he got mad, he would call me a hoe and dumn and then it went to hitting me in my head and then controlling what I wore, and not to have friends .. I accepted it and thought that if I did as he wanted, he would see that I am a good person, that I made “texting” mistake – for 3 years off and off every two weeks, and I would cry my way back to him and he would take me back and it be good for a few weeks, and then he find something to get mad at me for.. and then turn around and say its all my fault i got him mad. 
.One time we went on a trip that I had planned, he got mad at me and hit me in my head over my driving , then we got into a dumb argument over communication and he tried to suffocate me. And then he acted as if all was okay afterwards. Yet, I tried to fix it because my dumb heart loves him. It has been 3 weeks since we have broken up.. all because of a download app that was send to his phone that my phone had updated “some locator app” I told him my phone did it and he didn’t believe me and started calling me a names. 
He contacted me telling me that I am his world, and he just wants to trust me and know that we all make mistakes, that he wants me to be the perfect woman for him, and that he doesn’t want me to have friend or the internet – it’s a bad world out there and so forth.. and that he is doing his best to control his anger, that he doesn't like when he gets to that point. so I am torn if I should go back to him because my heart loves him, after all he has put me thru mentally and emotionally. I don't like to get hit, but then he shows his caring side again and I we fall back into place -

I did meet another guy that was so sweet to me, and felt a connection with him, but he rarely text or calls me to show he misses me. I don’t know if I should make that change and move on of follow where my heart is knowing in my mind.. if he will stop his abusive and controlling way? I just feel if I don’t make moves and find that one person, that life Is moving so fast, I am 33 and with no kids and would love to come home to a family one day.. but I don’t know what to do or what path I should take. Go back and make it work again – or just cut ties with all and find myself not knowing where life will take me.. and end up alone with no kids or end up not feeling that love again. .Life!!!


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## Chore (Jul 15, 2013)

Stop. Right. NOW!

You need to get help to find out why you think ABUSE is okay.

It's a deal-breaker, or should be. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. You need to tell yourself that, and NEVER accept that again!


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

RUN, don't walk, but RUN to a therapist! You need to figure out why you are accepting unacceptable behavior! Hitting you in the head, name calling etc is NOT ok. Its also, NOT love. Don't worry about meeting the next guy out there, fix yourself first. If not, you will likely continue to attract men who will use you and abuse you.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I fear for your life OP. I really do. I am not overstating this. Staying with this sack of horse poo is a threat to your life.


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## christine30 (Mar 23, 2010)

Do you think he will change if he saw the good in me.. or it will fall right back into place?


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

christine30 said:


> Do you think he will change if he saw the good in me.. or it will fall right back into place?


What does this mean? No one deserves abuse even if they are "bad". Being good is not going to make this go away. You are a human being. All human beings deserve respect and to be treated with dignity. 

You really need help. Please go to your local womens shelter and ask for help.


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