# Advise please



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Any husbands whose wife has/had strapon fetish? How did you deal with it?


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Crickets???..... Lol
Sorry... Seriously ...
How do you or your husband feel about it? Don't know if you are the husband or the wife ?

Eta... Just noticed Eric in your user name... the husband ? How do you feel and how are you dealing with it? What is her perception?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

She cheated for it and didn't even ever tell me about it.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I don't have that spouse, but if I did, I suppose I'd take one for the team every once in a while.


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> She cheated for it and didn't even ever tell me about it.


So you are saying you refused and she went elsewhere to do that? Can you answer my other questions? 
Not In any way saying what she did is ok if f that's the case.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

She felt she couldn't tell me about her fetish as I would think adverse about her. Our marriage continued for 15 years in this fashion. I thought our sex life was awesome but it was awesome only for me. She repressed her desires during these years. When she met the exbf she tried it with, she cheated and got caught.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

brokeneric said:


> She felt she couldn't tell me about her fetish as I would think adverse about her. Our marriage continued for 15 years in this fashion. I thought our sex life was awesome but it was awesome only for me. She repressed her desires during these years. When she met the exbf she tried it with, she cheated and got caught.


Would you? What would have been your reaction?


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I would have. If I can't talk to my spouse about my sexual fantasies, whom would I be talking to then?


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

brokeneric said:


> I would have. If I can't talk to my spouse about my sexual fantasies, whom would I be talking to then?


I can see we're going to have to beat this out of you one question at a time.

Why, according to her own admission or your best guess, did she misread your likely reaction? 

I'm sticking to the original question for now and avoiding the infidelity - there's too many threads about that floating around already.


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I was reluctant to try out new things. She was more adventurous. She was like 'How about we try this today?' . I was like 'How about tomorrow?'. I always had to mentally prepare myself. Also I am a little homophobic.


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

What did she express if anything aside from can we try this? Was anything else communicated or did you just avoid ? Can you talk more about things here? Does her affair really amount to this ? what you define as a fetish? I doubt it , in itself led to an affair?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So she TRIED to introduce new things, and you weaseled out in a passive aggressive way. And then you wonder why she became reluctant to discuss fantasies with you, an admitted homophobe?

None of this excuses her infidelity, but it does explain why she stopped talking to you about fantasies. 

Personally, getting pegged isn't on my list of things to try. But I'm pretty sure my SO would be comfortable raising it as a fantasy if she wanted to explore it. She did raise the whole prostate stimulation thing with no problems. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm with PBear on this. Also, I personally would have given it a go just to see what the fuss was all about. That said, in your defense, I can see how you might want to mentally prepare yourself....or even just say no. Women say no to anal all the time, and so can you. Doesn't excuse her cheating to get it.


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

You feel how you feel and that's ok but you need to be able to express that to your wife regardless and the same goes for her. You were afraid and so was she. Neither one you could. It was your weakness and hers . Not all on your shoulders. Equal blame. Where are things now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_

But no, it's no excuse to cheat. Is she obsessed somehow with it? That's a whole other issue. Likely, this an excuse.


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Rimjobs, prostrate stimulation, bondage are what I agreed to. But I refused to be dressed in lingerie and also getting fisted.


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Its getting to divorce now. Children were hurt in this whole mess. I just wanted to know if I could have done something else to avoid this mess.


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Did you like that ? Is it something you might actually like or could possibly if you let yourself go or is it it the "homophobia" that holds you back?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Again, her cheating is on her. She might have had to divorce you to get her rocks off, if that was a need of hers, but she chose to go the unethical route. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I hated it but I faked it so that she wasn't hurt. But now I think she knew that.


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Then I would say you have to be true to yourself. You really tried but it goes against who you are to a degree that can't be compromised further and that's probably true of her too. Sorry for both of you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Despite everything I still love her. I just can't be with her anymore.


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

I understand, it's that awful day where you realize and come to terms with the fact that love isn't always enough. It will die without whatever it is you really need in a relatIonship. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Dude, just because you didn't want to be dressed in lingerie and get fisted doesn't make you homophobic. Actually I suspect the vast majority of homosexuals aren't going to be into fisting. And IMHO cross dressing doesn't have anything to do with being gay.


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Dude, just because you didn't want to be dressed in lingerie and get fisted doesn't make you homophobic. Actually I suspect the vast majority of homosexuals aren't going to be into fisting. And IMHO cross dressing doesn't have anything to do with being gay.


I agree. I love men and sex but I absolutely don't want to be fisted nor do I want to be asked to dress as a man for Sex to be enjoyable .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Dude, just because you didn't want to be dressed in lingerie and get fisted doesn't make you homophobic. Actually I suspect the vast majority of homosexuals aren't going to be into fisting. And IMHO cross dressing doesn't have anything to do with being gay.


For the last 10 yrs I thought I was homophobic. Wow, I am dumb.
Thanks.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, I don't consider myself homophobic, and I have no desire to be fisted, dressed in lingerie, or pegged. 

Homophobic is, by definition, an irrational fear, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuals or homosexuality. Not wanting a particular sex act with a woman doesn't make you homophobic. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Brokeneric....your wife is into some more erotic fetishes. I keyed off one of words "adventurous", there is nothing wrong with being adventurous as long as you want it for both of you and only if your both comfortable. Its when you have an overly adventurous spouse who obsess on that new thing and until they try it they can't focus on anything else. Its like their life isn't complete till they try it that you have a problem. Sometimes once they get it out of their system they find its not as big a deal as they thought. This behavior kind of adventurous is very self serving and narcissistic....not much you can do with them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> Its getting to divorce now. Children were hurt in this whole mess. I just wanted to know if I could have done something else to avoid this mess.


Eric my friend, you have you to stop tha thinking like "what you did wrong?" or "what you could have done better?".

your wife cheated because she wanted, she put her selfish desires and cheap thrills over her family welfare, people change and not always for better.

remember even after you caught her cheating you gave her another chance and she cheated again even when you accepted to be part of her sexual fantasies, what else could you have done?, nothing, in fact you did nothing wrong in first place.

I once told to my GF jokingly about having a 3some (I was also exploring the waters) I saw the hurt in her face and she told me if actually wanted to do it, of course I said not, I will not go out of my relationship looking for a 3some with someone else if I know I have the risk to hurt her and lost my relationship, that is how most people act, imagine if every man or woman who had fantasies will go and give in on those fantasies the infidelity rate will be 100%, you did more tan enough after a second chance and even accepting to play her fatazies, with time you will realize that the problem is within her.


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Manticore, even after all these I am not ready to let her go. I still don't know if I can get through the divorce. Life sucks.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

brokeneric said:


> Manticore, even after all these I am not ready to let her go. I still don't know if I can get through the divorce. Life sucks.


 Yes you can. Right now your hurting big time from the betrayal and it takes time. 

Honestly, it sounds like your outlook on sex and her's are mile apart and once your free from the divorce and you mind is clear, you'll find someone that is more in line with your ways. 

Divorce isn't easy but speaking from experience, you get over it and your no exception to the rule. Good Luck.
6301


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Sometimes I get up at night ans start laughing maniacally thinking about her fantasies. Then I go into a shutdown mode thinking where her fantasies took us.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

So what is her attitude know that she is going to be free to explore her dark side. I think divorce is probably right for you. You don't have to worry about someone finding you strung up upside down.


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> So what is her attitude know that she is going to be free to explore her dark side. I think divorce is probably right for you. *You don't have to worry about someone finding you strung up upside down.*


HaHaHaHaHa:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------

