# Married for 8 Years and fallen for another women



## tester (Jul 3, 2012)

Hey - 

I realize this is probably a worn out plea for help by now - but I could really do with some advise.

I've been married for 8 years have 2 children and was happy - through a chance meeting with a girl not from my area through work has changed everything.

I'm not proud but we've been emailing each other for the last week - and we've met up once to see each other to see if our feelings were real and we both agreed they were - she's also married but her marriage is breaking down. 

The guilt and lies have gotten to much for her and she has called it off but wants to remain friends until she sorts thing out in her own life. 

Now I never wanted to leave my family but I've been hit with all these feelings I haven't had in a long time - I understand they're probably just feelings of lust born from being in a routine marriage and it all seems exciting - but the feelings are so strong I cant bare them - I have all sorts of things going through my mind - and now she no longer wants to keep things going - it feels like I've had my heart broken and I dont know how to come to terms with it. 

I love my wife but those feeling seem so far away now and I cant act normal around her and she keeps asking whats wrong. 
I'm trying to get over these other feelings but don't know how to. 
I know what I've done is a terrible thing - but the feelings I have for this other women are uncontrollable - I really think I love her - though my head tells me this isn't possible after just one week - but then what about love at first site - maybe the feeling are real - how do I know?

The worst thing is knowing there is a women out there who I have these feelings for but I cant do anything about it.

How can I get past this?

Please help.

Thanks


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## Mario Kempes (Jun 12, 2010)

You're having an emotional affair (EA) and it's really got a hold of you.

You're displaying all the classic signs and characteristics. You're in the Affair Fog and getting a huge dopamine rush from it all.

Acting "weird" in the eyes of your wife is another classic give away sign.

There are numerous threads here about emotinoal affairs. Look them up.

Unlike many here, you've realised early that you've fallen into it. You have to decide the road you take from here. If the other woman (OM) hadn't put a temporary stop to it, you'd be heading for a full blown Physical Affair (PA).

You're deep in the fog at the moment. If you want to hold on to your marriage, you need to talk to your wife and be honest with her. It won't be easy telling her that you've developed feelings for someone else but, if you do choose to read threads here where posters wish they'd done the right thing early on, you'll discover that a stitch in time saves nine!


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## Mario Kempes (Jun 12, 2010)

I just read your post again. 

If she puts an end to her marriage and says she's ready for you, are you going to walk out on your family?

Are you prepared for the look on your wife's and your little children's faces when you do?

And the long term success rate of such relationships lasting is tiny. You'll quickly realise just how good what you had was. You'll want to come back to your wife and family and your wife will probably be emotionally unable to take you back. 

You didn't choose for this to happen. You're human and it's completely natural to be attracted to other people besides your wife. It happens to us all at some stage. But it's how you deal with those feelings that matters.

You'll get a lot of good advice here, much of it more blunt than what I'm giving. Take it on board! 

You're in the early stages here. It's not going to be easy. You feel like a teenager in love for the first time. 

But you're in the Fog and we here are going to try to snap you out of it.

You're heading for disaster if this continues........

Please stay here and work with us. Don't curl up into a ball when the advice isn't what you want to hear. Don't stop posting if you feel like sulking. Most people here have been through some kind of infidelity and have the scars to prove it.

Take their advice on board. Remember, (although it may not seem that way), it's you they're trying to help.

TAM is a wonderful site. I wish I'd discovered it years ago. I'd have handled my situation differently if I had.

It's not too late for you.

Good luck.


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## tester (Jul 3, 2012)

Thanks for your replies Mario.

Everything you've said makes sense and describes exactly what I'm feeling. And I take on board everything you say.

No I could never hurt my family in that way by leaving them - but these emotions are very powerful and are making lots of unwanted thoughts pass through my head. They seem to make anything possible.

I'm glad you've highlighted what these feeling are - I guessed it was something along those lines - I just wasn't expecting to ever feel like this and it hit me unexpectedly and like a hammer.

Your right that I'm in a fog cause that's what it feels like - I need to snap out of it - I don't want any of these feelings anymore - at first I couldn't get enough like you said it was like being a teenager again - and that's why I'm on here. 

My wife and family deserve better - feels like I getting over some sort of broken heart - I'm not used to any of this!!


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

You already know the truth - your marriage is routine, this other woman is new and exciting and you seem perfectly compatible with her. You know all of your wife's flaws, this new woman seems like she has none. Of course, you live with your wife and she has "let her hair down" and let you see every facet of herself, while this other woman has been on her best behavior trying to impress her new romantic interest (you) while you have been doing the same for her. If you left your wife for the other woman, eventually you would find that she has flaws too, just like your wife.

Try spending the time and effort you put into the other woman during the past week on your wife and marriage. Try focusing your thoughts on what you can do to improve your marriage rather than on the other woman. If there is a problem in your marriage, tell your wife about it and work on it with your wife. I'll bet your wife finds your marriage routine also - only she's not out meeting other men to see if one is more exciting than you. Have a talk with your wife about how you can improve your marriage to put back in it what's been missing.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

tester- you have made a big step by opening up this situation in your life, welcome.

I just want to point out to you, this woman, she is in a broken marriage, maybe she is on the rebound attempting to get back at her husband for something. Maybe you aren't used to the attention she is providing you since you been in a marriage for 8 years and you are getting caught up in the moment. 

I don't know where you live, but I assume you are now living in an area your not from, and this sudden commonality of the person is really drawing you to her. The is understandable, but think about this, what took you away from your hometown is the same thing that drew you to your wife. 

The sad thing is you have already cheated on your wife. Now how do you handle yourself? Put things in perspective, look at the 8 years you've had with this woman, the two beautiful children you shared together and set your priorities on what is the most important.

Like Mario pointed out, rarely if ever, do relationships last when it is built on these terms.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

tester said:


> Thanks for your replies Mario.
> 
> Everything you've said makes sense and describes exactly what I'm feeling. And I take on board everything you say.
> 
> ...


Dude, the faster way of healing your condition would be to walk on your family, go live with this other woman who apparently is a cheater too for a couple of months. That would kill it right there!

Of course i wouldn't do this if i were you. If your wife has a shred of pride and self esteem she wouldn't take you back. This thing you have for her is just lust. 

We men are pretty good at building on that. We like to deceive ourselves that it is more. 9/10 it isn't. 

Put a stop to this or your marriage is doomed, because even if it survives it will not be same ever again.


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## Seesaw (Jun 5, 2012)

Tester,

Early stages, so there is more hope.

Understand that this other woman is dishonest (by definition) and that you cannot trust what she says about her marriage. All affair partners reinvent their marriage. She wants to work on her marriage and if you have any respect for her you MUST give her the space to do that. That means NO CONTACT whatsoever. Neither of you are going to get anywhere positive if you stay friends. You CANNOT be just friends.

Second, for you, you say you want your marriage. That means you must go NO CONTACT for your own sake. The fog will last for as long as you keep any hold of her and then for a time after. The ONLY way out is cold turkey. You have children. When it gets difficult picture their beautiful faces and man up!

Now this bit is my opinion and the hardest bit:

TELL YOUR WIFE. Confide in her. Tell her this has happened, that you are deeply ashamed, scared and that you want more than anything to build your marriage back up. DO NOT trickle the truth to her. If in your meeting you kissed/had sex/whatever TELL HER NOW.

TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY. Do not blame your wife. It is not her fault.

Be strong. Be remorseful. Show your wife you love her. She will be seriously angry, deeply hurt and she will rage against you. BUT she has the right to do that. Do anything she needs, including moving your job.

Openness and honesty are your only hope here.

I wish you - and your wife - the very best of luck.

There are good people on here who will give better and more comprehensive advice than me. Listen to them.


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## tester (Jul 3, 2012)

Thanks for your replies - they're helping allot. 

Giving up contact with this ow is the hardest part - I know I need to don't get me wrong - but its hard with all these feelings bouncing around. 

I haven't emailed since coming on here and am stopping myself from doing so every time I try. 

The toughest thing is that before I met this women everything was fine - we had our ups and downs like everyone - but since Ive met her I've been questioning everything that I hold dear in that how can I have such strong feelings for some one else if I truly love my wife. Non of this makes any sense.

I have only my head telling me the right things to do but every other part me wants to chase this feeling and this women.

But Im remaining grounded as hard as it is and I know I need to do the right thing and get my life and marriage back on track - if only for the sake of my wife kids.

Thanks for your advice Seesaw but telling my wife isnt an option - it would crush her and I couldn't do that to her - I know that's a contradiction considering what I've done so far, but I would rather hate myself and live with that than cause my wife any pain.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Whoaaa.... 
Dive Dive Dive..
Release finger from the red M.A.D button.

Nobody is doubting your feelings are real. They are powerful and you have just fallen in lurrrve..

If you were 16 you would call it a "crush" 

You arrived here. Well done for that, you already know the answers, you just have to act to save your family. 

STOP. DO NOT CONTACT HER. you are torturing yourself.

You will end up Divorced if you do. 

There is no such thing as a good Divorce. Look at the Life after Divorce forum. Everyday torture for your kids. Is that what you want? Didn't think so.

The feelings will pass. They WILL pass and you will look at yourself and shake your head.

It will be hard for a bit. Post here. you wll get support.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

tester said:


> Giving up contact with this ow is the hardest part - I know I need to don't get me wrong - but its hard with all these feelings bouncing around.


That should be a good indicator as to how much this OW is ruining your marriage. As a BS in a marriage nearly destroyed by an EA I can tell you with certainty that your feelings for your wife will not come back until you cut all contact with OW. She is poison to your marriage. With time the feelings for her will ebb and hopefully you will gain insight as to what it is in your marriage that made you reach outside. Then work with your wife to rectify those. As far as your pain in this, I can guarantee it is not a fraction of what your wife will feel when she learns of your betrayal. And she will. Been there, done that have the scars to prove it.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Okay look you screwed up. at this point you have a choice here. Yes you emotions are strong and your head is messed up........ SO WHAT. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN SO ATTACHED.
As screwed up as it sounds you need to tell your wife because as careful as you think you are, you will get caught. You need to send this woman a NC letter and let your wife have it. If you want these feelings to go away stop hiding and get this part of your life behind you. 
After all you don't want her to be the one to discover this. She will probably have a thread on here my husband cheated and I think it got physical. You made a lot of bad choices to get here. Now it is time to wake up put on your big boy pants and fess up. skeletons like this do not stay buried in the closet. 
Oh did I mentions you wife might be looking at your stuff right now. 
So either man up, fess up, get ready to deal with your marriage ,and pray to god you didn't destroy your own marriage. 
Second option hide everything until it gets found out and she sees that A. you had an EA and likely a PA. B. Even after she broke it off you still contacted her. 
Just because you two aren't seeing each other doesn't mean you aren't in an EA. We are all familiar with TT and from what I read I think that this went full on PA. You need to end this now and pray real hard.
Not trying to be an ass but you need a wake up call my friend. You are sitting on a ticking time bomb. if you don't get help and it blows you WILL BE alone. No more affair, no more wife, and one weekend a every other weekend with your children.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

You are not in the best mental state to handle it by yourself, due to the addiction nature of your A. So get some IC for you and try to know why you did this? what is actually lacking in yourself which led you to the A.

Tell your wife about the A, come clean completely. She will be hurt but she can help you to overcome this tough situation.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

I totally agree you need to tell your wife. Give her that much respect. 

If you are really considering this other woman, there is area in your marriage that needs revival. Use this issue as a "wake up" call to YOUR position in your marriage. Work with you wife, recreate that love so YOU can remove such temptations outside your marriage from this experience and in future. Your wife needs to understand there is something either missing, or stagnat in the marriage, and thus both of you need to work towards this area.


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## Mario Kempes (Jun 12, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> That should be a good indicator as to how much this OW is ruining your marriage. As a BS in a marriage nearly destroyed by an EA I can tell you with certainty that your feelings for your wife will not come back until you cut all contact with OW. She is poison to your marriage. With time the feelings for her will ebb and hopefully you will gain insight as to what it is in your marriage that made you reach outside. Then work with your wife to rectify those. As far as your pain in this, I can guarantee it is not a fraction of what your wife will feel when she learns of your betrayal. And she will. Been there, done that have the scars to prove it.


Really good post, Amplexor.

Tester, read it carefully and have a deep think about what's in it.


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## Seesaw (Jun 5, 2012)

tester said:


> Thanks for your advice Seesaw but telling my wife isnt an option - it would crush her and I couldn't do that to her - I know that's a contradiction considering what I've done so far, but I would rather hate myself and live with that than cause my wife any pain.


She knows already my friend but can't admit it to herself. You can't act normal around her and she keeps asking what is wrong. Equally bad, your feelings for OW are 'uncontrollable'. You will not be able to keep away from the OW on your own and even if you can her memory is going to eat away at your marriage forever. Whichever route you take now will crush her. The question is whether you eventually want a good marriage based upon honesty and openness or whether you want to live a lie for the rest of your life.

That lie is important: Even if you can drag yourself away from OW, unless you have done some seriously hard work on your marriage the chances are the same thing will happen again. You cannot, go cold turkey, rug sweep, then carry on as if nothing happened.

And, forgive me, not wanting to cause pain unloads just one more massive layer of disrespect onto your wife. You cannot get your marriage out of a pile of sh*t by throwing more sh*t at it.

Get this SHE IS GOING TO FIND OUT. Trust me, she is. How she finds out and when she finds out matters. One week of e-mails and one meeting then telling her right NOW gives her the feeling that at least you respected her that much.

For your sake, you need to tell her. For her sake, you need to tell her. For the sake of your marriage, you need to tell her. If that isn't enough, for the sake of your children you need to tell her. After it all comes out, what are you going to say to them as they grow up. Can you hold your head high, admit a bad mistake then show them you did everything you could to learn and be a better person? Or are you going to tell them you hid it away and lied to your whole family like a coward.

Sorry to be blunt.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

I can speak from experience. My marriage was going through a divorce when I found my first love again. He had been married for 6 years. I got divorced and just let me feelings be known but didn't persue them (we talked on and off after that about how life was etc) I didn't start after him until 2 years later when he was going through his divorce. I am not saying that it would happen to you. I know in my heart that when my husband and I broke up when we were 18 that he was the one that got away.

- I suggest you google the 3 stages of love....You could be just going through puppy love it's that lust that happens in the beginning when everything is new and things are so exciting cause it's forbidden. I really hope you pray about it and try to spark that love back with your wife because your story DOES NOT sound like mine


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## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

You are horribly mistaken to think that your wife won't start wondering about what is going on. She will start to dig a little deeper and what she will find will shatter her forever. If my husband had just came to me and said he had a problem, I truly believe we would have gotten through it together. Since he lied the entire time, I will never trust him again. I'm with him only for our children right now. There's a lot of resentment that might not ever go away. Come clean. If you really want those feelings to go away, your wife will be the best way to do it.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Your wife will find out eventually. 

Are you prepared for that?


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Stop all contact immediately and take every bit of pain that goes with it. You still have a chance - you know that you have a solid marriage, but see that this affair is starting to taint it and re-write what really is. If you stay in it, you will start to believe that your marriage was horrible, that your wife was horrible, that you never really wanted to be a father and have children with this woman and that you wish you could go back and change everything...sounds extreme, but that is exactly what happens. 

You are where my husband was 9 months ago, only he never saw what he was doing. He never stopped to evaluate who he was hurting. He never stopped to see just how great he really had it. 2.5 months into his EA, turned PA he told me he wanted a divorce - right after my brother died - how cold is that? The same will happen to you if you stay in. You will turn into something that you will hate and cannot stand. You will turn into the meanest a**hole. You will then start to see the hurt you are causing your family, but it won't matter, because the OW is feeding you lines about how much better your life will be with her, that nothig will change between you and your children, that she will love you, take care of you, that you are soul mates, the list goes on - she will feed you every line and you will do the same to her - telling her how unhappy you are, comparing her to your wife. You will make sure that whatever makes you feel good happens, and to hell with your wife and children. It is the worst feeling in the world for a BS, and if you are lucky enough to wake up from your little fairy tale, you will realize that it is all lies, but the damage you have already put your family through is unrepairable. It will never go away. You will have to live with killing your family off in a slow and painful way for the rest of your life. You have a crush, nothing more, and it makes you feel good. Try to put half the effort you are giving ths OW into your own marriage. She does already know something is up. I did, but didn't think my husband would ever again cheat on me after I forgave him one time very early in our 16 year marriage. It almost killed me then....how could he even think of doing it again? Please just stop and love your family. Don't live a lie.


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## tester (Jul 3, 2012)

Wow - thank you everyone for the advice and support - It really has helped me to make sense of what has happened and to realize what it is that I'm feeling. 

It hasn't been physical just emotional but I get that neither are better than the other - and on some level I think i was simply addicted to the feeling she gave me with the things she was saying, the feeling I got when she held my hand or put her head on my shoulder as stupid as it sounds - again the teenage crush thing - something I haven't felt in a long long time - the feeling of escapism was also a factor I think - In a marriage I guess u can sometime feel trapped for want of a better word with no choices - for a short time my emotions led me to believe in something else that was different to the norm - I think now I can understand what it was all about. 

The feeling I have for this ow still exist but because I can rationalize them I can come to to terms with them a lot easier and I think it'll be easier now not to contact her.

I know I should tell my wife - but right now I'm not ready to I need to shake these feelings and my head back down to earth before I can sit her down and explain everything.


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## Seesaw (Jun 5, 2012)

Tester,

Please. You need to tell her now, not after you get your head straight. If you have decided you are going to tell her (absolutely the right thing to do) then you have nothing to gain by waiting and a huge amount to lose. Every second you delay is another second you lie and the longer it goes on the harder it will be for her.

Marriage is about sharing your deepest fears. You have betrayed that, but can get something back by doing it now.

Sit her down, cry, be confused, ask for her help and forgiveness. Tell her you HAD to tell her rather than lie.

Seriously, my friend, let her - if she will - help you get your head straight. Communicate with her. Open yourself to her completely.

In your position, if my WW had done that it would have saved a whole pile of cr*p that I am still trying to shovel. I have vivid pictures of what we did while I didn't know. That time laughing at the beach, the great restaurant meal, making love, playing together with the kids. And all the time she was lying to me. That, my friend, cuts a wound deeper than you can imagine.

It is the lack of knowing and the lies and the deception that hurt the most. You HAVE to do everything you can to minimise that.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Tester - visit this site: PART 1: WH and OW–Our Love is Real « Soul Mate Shmoopies

It puts a comical yet very real spin on what you are going through and what will happen if you continue. I am pulling for you, and as a BS, that is hard to say to a cheater, but I think you have a chance to save yourself and your marriage. When I first saw these (there are about 16 short videos), I laughed and cried so hard equally. Soul mates in an affair simply means that neither party has a soul. Grab yours before you lose it forever. My husband hates himself and feels he has no heart or soul left. Don't get to that point.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

tester said:


> Thanks for your advice Seesaw but telling my wife isnt an option - it would crush her and I couldn't do that to her - I know that's a contradiction considering what I've done so far, but I would rather hate myself and live with that than cause my wife any pain.


Tester your wife has every right to know you messed up. You have already done the damage it is just a matter of time now. This is not a time to cower. This is time to face the music and reap what you have sown. You have already hurt her. She will be gutted. But your willingness to tell her and your totally remorse will be what saves your marriage. 
I am sorry but if she finds it and finds out you did not tell her it is just one more thing you did to make her not trust you.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

badbane said:


> Tester your wife has every right to know you messed up. You have already done the damage it is just a matter of time now. This is not a time to cower. This is time to face the music and reap what you have sown. You have already hurt her. She will be gutted. But your willingness to tell her and your totally remorse will be what saves your marriage.
> I am sorry but if she finds it and finds out you did not tell her it is just one more thing you did to make her not trust you.


I agree with this post. 

It's better if you tell her. She will find out and it will add to the doubt and mistrust going forward.

I found out about my husband through anonymous letters, emails and photographs. 

He never confessed and that says he planned to keep things going as long as possible behind my back,


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> I agree with this post.
> 
> It's better if you tell her. She will find out and it will add to the doubt and mistrust going forward.
> 
> ...


I agree with Sara it made me sick to my stomach to find it...I would have rather heard it from him cause at least then it would show some sort of remorse etc...


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Don't risk your family for a second more.
There are NC letter templates here, hopely some one will point you in the right direction. Write it, send it and then block all avenues MOW could contact you. You go NC cold turkey. You commit to it, lifelong. OW must go from your life, forever. At most you'd be her rebound relationship, her exit affair. This asuming she's not lying her teeth about the state of her marriage. Detox. Keep the poison away.
You will go through a period of withdrawal. Brain chemistry will adjust itself with time of NC. It will pass very soon, it's only some anxiety, then you will think every day more clearly and you will tell your self WTF! I was thinking? 
Cut off any trick your mind will play to break the NC. You can't remain "friends" with OW, it's just not possible after crossing those boundaires. You go "mental" NC. You can't control fleeting thoughts but you can control how you react to them, you visualize a STOP sign, you picture you family, your little ones, you refocus on the right thing instead to wondering into the "what if" self indulgent fantasy territory. You choose it. Every day, every minute if necessary.


Then you confess to your wife. It's likely taking account of the obvious red flags.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

sculley said:


> I agree with Sara it made me sick to my stomach to find it...I would have rather heard it from him cause at least then it would show some sort of remorse etc...


exactly.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Have you read the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass? It is one of the best books out there in terms of discussing the dangers of emotional affairs, how they start, function, and end. It is obviously somewhat directed at BSs but there are forum members who entered into EAs who have benefited from this book as well.

And tell your wife. Do it in a marriage counseling setting if need be. And you may also need individual counseling to get an understanding of why you were so easily suckered into this relationship. 

Do you think if you were trying to overcome an alcohol addiction it would be prudent to keep your spouse in the dark? You are going to try and go cold turkey on infatuation. It is extremely difficult, if not impossible to do (the one case I can think of on the forum, the OW was a SIL, so obviously there were major reasons for that man to walk away and not let it get any deeper). 

From where I sit, I don't picture you having the superhuman strength to do this on your own. And besides, if you feel "trapped" in your marriage, and you don't address that--then you are just rug-sweeping with the best of them, and the cycle is doomed to repeat.


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## JustAnotherGuy (Jul 5, 2012)

My best advice is that if you can steal her from someone else, someone else can steal her from you as well. I doubt that it's worth throwing away your marriage and family for.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Tester,

How do you say you love your wife, and still say you are afraid of telling her?

What is marriage, boss?


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

One of the benefits of telling ( if you can call it that) is that it releases "the secret" which is such a powerful aphrodisiac. Secret loves feeds the affair and keeps it amped up. 

You have to come clean because if your acting strange, then your spouse already suspects something and yet I feel so bad for your wife because I know the pain she will be digesting. 

You are just in lust- not love....huge difference.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

JustAnotherGuy said:


> My best advice is that if you can steal her from someone else, someone else can steal her from you as well. I doubt that it's worth throwing away your marriage and family for.


My husband had a 4.5 year emotional affair. He left her for good nearly 5 months ago. He said three things stood out to him:

1. he could never fully trust her not to cheat on him;

2. they only showed their best sides to each other, so they never got to know each other that deeply; in the end, it was an illusion that they were "soulmates"; and

3. their infatuation was never tested by reality--they avoided conflict and arguments (boring!) and never had to negotiate or compromise over anything, the way ALL spouses in EVERY relationship learn to do day by day.

He doesn't really think about her much any more. He thought they were "best friends in the whole world." Turns out that wasn't the case after all.


Here is the thing: I am GLAD I found out about my husband's affair, warts and all. It has allowed us to repair and renew our marriage. We haven't just turned back the clock to before the emotional affair started; nor have we turned back the clock to our honeymoon. 

Because we are older and wiser, and because we have both matured as human beings, we have a NEW marriage, where we are entirely honest with one another and we fight fair. We seek to meet each other's needs to the fullest and refuse to remain complacent. That is what you are searching for, but you will not get it by continuing to deepen your affair, or by sweeping it under the rug.


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## DanG (Aug 10, 2011)

I second what iHeartLife wrote. Very reasonable and level. An eight year marriage is not all that mature. This event is just a part of the journey of marriage. It's no more than a bump on your and your wife's journey. Take it in stride and move on. The best is yet to come - IF you are a good enough Captain and leader in your marriage.

The Other Woman fed you a drug. It's called Dopomine. (Actually she did what was necessary to trigger your body to release it. Strippers do the same to develop "regular customers.") The drug fogs your thinking and wants you to return to the source for more. Like all addictive drugs, it blocks your brain from thinking rational thoughts as to why you shouldn't need or deserve more. You have to go cold turkey. Don't think about it. Just do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Yep. It's a biological trick to perpetuate the species.

Want to prove us wrong? Divorce your wife and move in with your GF. Report back how long it lasts. We'll all still be here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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