# a man's opinion



## lifeiscrazy (Jan 3, 2016)

Hey men! Can you please tell me of its normal well not normal, but if you could see this happening... So my drunk husband at a party after a dumb idea that everyone stripped down in the hot tub.... told another women that she looked good not while naked but after when we were all talking and clothed. Should I still be pissed or try to move to forgive. I kinda feel pissed caused none of the other wives got in we kinda wussed out but she did so he was telling her she looked good then how cool she was foe hanging like the guys she was and she would be second in his book for a long time of course my wife is number one he says. I dunno.. I feel like I am being dramatic but then not. How do I move on?


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## Quigster (Aug 1, 2015)

lifeiscrazy said:


> I feel like I am being dramatic but then not. How do I move on?


When people are intoxicated, their inhibitions are lowered. They say and do things that they might not normally do when their social "filters" are functioning correctly.

Have you talked to him about what happened? Does he remember doing it? 

Being drunk and uninhibited, and still managing to come up with "my wife is still number one in my book," actually isn't a bad thing.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

That's kind of a loaded question. I would be more concerned about my spouse in a hot tub with a naked person of the opposite sex, than a comment after the fact.

Curious - why were you ok with the actual naked part?


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## lifeiscrazy (Jan 3, 2016)

It's basically because it was a sausage fest lol it was like 5 guys and the one wife. I am not threatened about that cause they weren't alone or anything like that.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Did you not like the answers you got on the other threads?


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## lifeiscrazy (Jan 3, 2016)

I created a new one for help I don't think that's wrong...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Lifeiscrazy,

You have created 3 threads on the same topic. Most posters read in all of the forums. There is a place to click on the blue bar in the header that says "New Threads". That brings up all threads that have new posts in all of the forums. It is an easy way to see all of the new activity.



It really is against forum rules to make multiple threads on the same topic. I would like to combine all of your threads into one. You get better support that way.

I'll give you time to reply to this before combining them.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

lifeiscrazy said:


> Hey men! Can you please tell me of its normal well not normal, but if you could see this happening... So my drunk husband at a party after a dumb idea that everyone stripped down in the hot tub.... told another women that she looked good not while naked but after when we were all talking and clothed. Should I still be pissed or try to move to forgive. I kinda feel pissed caused none of the other wives got in we kinda wussed out but she did so he was telling her she looked good then how cool she was foe hanging like the guys she was and she would be second in his book for a long time of course my wife is number one he says. I dunno.. I feel like I am being dramatic but then not. How do I move on?


sounds perfectly normal.

so what are you mad about? Him being polite to another female, or at yourself/her for being outgoing enough to be queen bee ?


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## jigga114 (Mar 15, 2015)

lifeiscrazy said:


> Hey men! Can you please tell me of its normal well not normal, but if you could see this happening... So my drunk husband at a party after a dumb idea that everyone stripped down in the hot tub.... told another women that she looked good not while naked but after when we were all talking and clothed. Should I still be pissed or try to move to forgive. *I kinda feel pissed caused none of the other wives got in we kinda wussed out but she did so he was telling her she looked good then how cool she was foe hanging like the guys she was and she would be second in his book for a long time of course my wife is number one he says.* I dunno.. I feel like I am being dramatic but then not. How do I move on?


At least he knows where his bread is buttered. He acknowledged that you were number 1 in his book, and that should count for something. Hopefully you have shared your thoughts on this situation with your H. There is nothing wrong with him finding other women attractive, as long as they are just thoughts. Once those thoughts turn to action, then you have a problem. 

If his words bother you though, let him know, that way, hopefully he will adjust his behavior to better suit your needs. Better to air it out and deal with it now than let it fester. Good luck.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I wouldn't put much stock in the compliment. He was a bit drunk and honestly I bet it was a lot more about her confidence in getting in the tub while everyone else sat out. Many guys here keep saying that confidence is crazy sexy. She displayed that and he complimented her on it. Not saying you should have followed suit if you were uncomfortable with it but if you had your husband probably would have had is mind blown.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Personally I think you are in thin ice in your marriage if you end up in situations like this. I've got no problems with his comment - it was not situationally inappropriate.

The problem is the whole situation is inappropriate. There are marriage safe people and activities - and these people and this situation are clearly not marriage safe.

Successful marriages stay that way because both partners have hard boundaries that prevent people from the opposite sex interfere with their relationship. A naked encounter - or any sort - is way off the mark.

There are so many ways your H or you could end up hooking up with any of those guys. Everyone has telegraphed that their boundaries are down and they are therefore susceptible to flattery and attention that could lead to knocking boots - or at least a quick bj or hj off to the side at one of these things.

The right answer is to look clearly at your friends and behavior. Can anyone get close to one or the other of you without the other present? Would they want to? 

Big red flags for you too. BTW since you considered stripping down for that group of dogs.


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## lifeiscrazy (Jan 3, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Personally I think you are in thin ice in your marriage if you end up in situations like this. I've got no problems with his comment - it was not situationally inappropriate.
> 
> The problem is the whole situation is inappropriate. There are marriage safe people and activities - and these people and this situation are clearly not marriage safe.
> 
> ...



I get what you are saying and I agree it's toxic to be around people who are ready at anytime to cross that line. I am not going to be hanging with the one couple that was over the top. They are a little much for me.. I don't feel like our marriage is on thin ice before hand I think that stuff came up that shouldn't have with alcohol and dumb thinking involved. But we have set more boundaries cause of this I think all married people should.


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## MommaGx3 (Jan 12, 2016)

lifeiscrazy said:


> Hey men! Can you please tell me of its normal well not normal, but if you could see this happening... So my drunk husband at a party after a dumb idea that everyone stripped down in the hot tub.... told another women that she looked good not while naked but after when we were all talking and clothed. Should I still be pissed or try to move to forgive. I kinda feel pissed caused none of the other wives got in we kinda wussed out but she did so he was telling her she looked good then how cool she was foe hanging like the guys she was and she would be second in his book for a long time of course my wife is number one he says. I dunno.. I feel like I am being dramatic but then not. How do I move on?


To answer your question, with my advice, to move on... 
1. Take a deep breath
2. Acknowledge that you are upset about something your husband said
3. Allow yourself to feel that emotion... 
4. If you must have a physical act of cathartic release, try the following
1. Write on a piece of paper every negative thought or feeling you have about it.
2. Burn it. 
3. When the flames are gone. Release the emotions and tell yourself they will not be a burden. 

(Meh, or you could take an egg and throw it into the trash can in the garage. There's something satisfying when you hear it crunch and see it slide)

Alternatively, you could talk to your husband, tell him how you feel. Let him know you just need to air it out. I wouldn't approach it in an aggressive or offense manner, just state how you feel. 

You can't help that you have feelings. They just occur. Personally, I wouldn't take offense to my husband saying that. If he was drunk enough to appreciate the nakedness of a naked woman (which my husband doesn't have to be drunk to appreciate the female form... and said female doesn't even have to be naked...) but he still said I was number 1... I would have jumped his bones so fast!

Alcohol, mob mentality, nakedness... it is asking for trouble. 

Do I feel your feelings should be as severe as they are? No. 
Would I have the feelings you have? No.
Is there something else exacerbating your feelings? Sounds like yes to me.


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## lifeiscrazy (Jan 3, 2016)

Thank you guys for responding I had a moment of crazy, and your right I need to remember he is human and people are attractive he was drinking and complimented a women. I can't be so crazy and think it's all about me and no other women in his eyes can be attractive.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

lifeiscrazy said:


> I created a new one for help I don't think that's wrong...


It is when you don't link the threads and slowly change your OP to get different answers. It's like you want everyone to demonize your husband and they won't. So, you add more and more to the story hoping for an "OMG what a Jerk, you are right for your anger."


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## lifeiscrazy (Jan 3, 2016)

I think your right I think I am looking for a he is a jerk response I don't know why the hell I am being do critical to him I have been working on my attitude the may few days!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lifeiscrazy said:


> I think your right I think I am looking for a he is a jerk response I don't know why the hell I am being do critical to him I have been working on my attitude the may few days!


Well, you going to get "he is a jerk' response. First, if my W found me in a hot tub naked with other men and a one woman sausagefest there is going to be trouble. Being drunk is no excuse. Similar to others acting out at bachelor parties or at the bar guys night out. Further, I believe it was a flirtatious fishing. Just what kind of response was your H looking for? How the OW works out at the gym to get such a good looking body? Your H needs to stop drinking. You may be pissed if you ask me. But, time to set some ground rules concerning hot tubs, drinking and other women. Next it will be drunken lap dances because you were ok with hot tubs and naked men/woman


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## Derkel (Jan 16, 2016)

I have to agree with the responds about it not being a big deal. I've always fit in better with the guys and I'm so the girl that would have jump in naked next to your husband and I have huge boobs so I get a lot of comments on that from many men. I have no female friends at all. They don't seem to like me and it's not the huge boobs it's just that husbands never seen to care when I come with my husband out for beers or to watch the game. They ask if I'm coming cause I'm as much their friend as my husband. The only thing I do different then there wives is losing up, tease, and have fun. I don't go out to be my husbands wife I go out to hang with my friends. I'm sure your husband would have loved it if you would have taken your clothes off and got your naked ass in the hot tub with him. Next time let lose have fun and don't over think it. It's all in good fun. Also men have eyes they notice good looking women naked or not. Don't read to much into it. I'm sure your husband still looks your hot. They all do.


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## ET1SSJonota (Dec 25, 2012)

What I don't understand is what were you doing when this happened? If you watched it all, why didn't you DO something about it? Or was it a test? 

I'll tell you once thing: if my inebriated spouse started suggesting people get naked with them at a party, I would thank everyone for a wonderful time and make a hasty exit, spouse in tow. And the next morning would have a serious discussion on boundaries (which it sounds like you did that part fine).


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## MichelleR (Jan 6, 2016)

Obviously this whole situation really bothers you. I think that your husband sounds normal but you should come to an agreement not to engage in behaviors like that in the future. Stop attending parties like that or leave as soon as you notice that things are getting more wild. 

You need to talk to your husband about how upset you are in a way that does not make him feel attacked (he will only get defensive and negate your feelings if you do) so you can come up with a plan for the future. 

After that, if he agrees to a plan that you feel comfortable with, you need to let this go. You can choose to be happy or sad depending on what you dwell on.


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## lifeiscrazy (Jan 3, 2016)

MichelleR said:


> Obviously this whole situation really bothers you. I think that your husband sounds normal but you should come to an agreement not to engage in behaviors like that in the future. Stop attending parties like that or leave as soon as you notice that things are getting more wild.
> 
> You need to talk to your husband about how upset you are in a way that does not make him feel attacked (he will only get defensive and negate your feelings if you do) so you can come up with a plan for the future.
> 
> After that, if he agrees to a plan that you feel comfortable with, you need to let this go. You can choose to be happy or sad depending on what you dwell on.



Michelle your right I got in his grill about this cause it was out conversation piece last night and well now we aren't speaking. I feel like a jelous crazy person. And my husband can't find any other women. Attractive and that is rediculous.... he is trying to explain to me that he is open and truthful because he is comfortable he loves me and feels we are in a good spot in out marriage. He tells me most men think this way just won't say it. I should respect his honesty, but have a hard time cause you don't want to think you're husband thinks that way. Does that make sense? Basically he thinks that if people get naked is not a big deal and sometimes fun. Me I feel like a prude that's scared it could cross the line. I feel to many people start out with innocent fun then somehow it crossed the line freaks me out.....


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Get new friends


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Wait what way are all men. If that's the issue tell us and I will tell you how I think.

If I were in your situation and I were younger and more fit I would have hopped in the tub and wanted you to join too. If another wife did I would probably say something nice to her to make it not weird,

I used to go to syrup clubs a lot when I was younger and I always was expressive and smiled and showed my appreciation for the girls on stage. I'd sit at the stage and tip a few dollars always. When they'd hit me up for table dances I'd say no I'm married and that's too up close and personal. They respected that. Often they would come up to me after dancing and give me a hug. The first time it freaked me out but I quickly realized they just really appreciated that someone enjoyed their stripping, tipped them (a few dollars is all), smiled, showed enthusiasm, amend didn't deconstruct them to body parts.

So yeah I appreciate a good body and I appreciate a confident person and I am sensitive to what if takes to get naked in public and yes I am comfortable in my marriage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lifeiscrazy said:


> Hey men! Can you please tell me of its normal well not normal, but if you could see this happening... So my drunk husband at a party after a dumb idea that everyone stripped down in the hot tub.... told another women that she looked good not while naked but after when we were all talking and clothed. Should I still be pissed or try to move to forgive. I kinda feel pissed caused none of the other wives got in we kinda wussed out but she did so he was telling her she looked good then how cool she was foe hanging like the guys she was and she would be second in his book for a long time of course my wife is number one he says. I dunno.. I feel like I am being dramatic but then not. How do I move on?


Yikes! Talk about a putdown. To that woman!

It sounded like "You are hot. But my wife is MUCH hotter than you!"

He is lucky she didn't slap his face! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeiscrazy (Jan 3, 2016)

I guess as you grow and mature in a marriage things get comfortable. As a younger couple people are insecure and jelous very easily with even a glance, I need to just chill let it be harmless and never let that line cross....


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

lifeiscrazy said:


> Thank you guys for responding I had a moment of crazy, and your right I need to remember he is human and people are attractive he was drinking and complimented a women. I can't be so crazy and think it's all about me and no other women in his eyes can be attractive.



Your hubby shouldn't be getting drunk and telling another woman she is hot naked, etc.

Drinking was his choice.

Then he got drunk and his true self came out....

He is your hubby. All this nonsense shouldn't be going on.

If I went to a party, got drunk and hit on another woman, telling her she is hot naked, lets strip naked in a hot tub etc., Mrs.CuddleBug would FREAK OUT.....none of this should of happened.

Do you have a right to be upset? YES.


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## lifeiscrazy (Jan 3, 2016)

CuddleBug said:


> lifeiscrazy said:
> 
> 
> > Thank you guys for responding I had a moment of crazy, and your right I need to remember he is human and people are attractive he was drinking and complimented a women. I can't be so crazy and think it's all about me and no other women in his eyes can be attractive.
> ...


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