# For the ones that didn't reconcile...



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So I know we've posted this question before but not sure a thread was made about it:

For the ones that didn't reconcile...

Do you regret not reconciling? 

Are you happier now?

Do you have trust issues in new relationships due to the past betrayal(s)?


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

good question Jelly, I myself am very interested in the answers.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> So I know we've posted this question before but not sure a thread was made about it:
> 
> For the ones that didn't reconcile...
> 
> ...


Do you regret not reconciling? yes, I wanted but my cheating h did not.

Are you happier now? No

Do you have trust issues in new relationships due to the past betrayal(s)? I don't trust anyone now.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

My first marriage ended because my WW cheated on me, despite all my attempts to stop it, win her back, beg, plead, cry. Nothing worked. She constantly threatened to leave and after the 3rd time she left, I didn't go fetch her from her parent's house. I had enough. She never looked back either. Even through the divorce, I held out hope. Nope. Didn't happen. No remorse. I was broken up, but I didn't regret it.

I remarried, and I'm not going to lie. I had trust issues big time. I have to admit that I projected my issues with my first wife onto my current wife. She felt at times, she was being punished for what my first wife did to me. I realized I was wrong and she showed me how to trust again, to love again. I once again opened up my hurting heart. I was secure again for years...........until she was contacted by an old high school boyfriend through facebook.

She's lucky that I didn't kick her ass to the curb and she's getting one shot at R. So does it look like I'm happier now? I had to go through this sh!t again. *She knows she's on very thin ice.*


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

That is my concern with any future relationships should my current debacle not work out. I have this new concept that perhaps my WW is the best option at this point because of the fact that I blew her affair out of the water. With this woman, it seems it took my discovery to get her out of the affair fog. I can't imagine she would have ever stopped if I wasn't aware of her transgressions.

So if I were to move on without her, I imagine I'd be back at square one with pondering if the person I was with is capable of cheating on me. I could definitely see myself trusting no one for a long while.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Whoops I realize now I had already started a thread like this, but it was "For those that divorced..." 

but I realize we have some non-marrieds on this thread so I figure this thread is applicable.



lordmayhem said:


> So does it look like I'm happier now? I had to go through this sh!t again.


:rofl: It was unintentionally funny, Mayhem... whatever happened to your ex-wife? Did she end up with OM? Do you speak to her?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Do you regret not reconciling? Yes. My cheating spouse never wanted to reconcile. Furthermore, he never stopped seeing the other women, nor did he ever show remorse.

Are you happier now? No. My husband destroyed much more than a family. I get to live with daily reminders of the carnage.

Do you have trust issues in new relationships due to the past betrayal(s)? I don't even attempt new relationships. Trust will be a huge factor for me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Aww, 827 and Notready--I hope you guys heal and grow from this. 

I noticed you both said you regret not reconciling eventhough your husbands never wanted to reconcile. Know that you guys gave it your best shot and it was your hubbys' losses for not putting the work/effort to restore the marriage(s).

Whatever happened to your ex-husbands? And the OW?


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

My ex H is still with the twice divorced w****. He neither admits it nor talks about it. He seems pretty happy and content pretty much moved on. Never got an apology, never got a closure, nor will I ever get it. At moments he seems to be peeking out of the fog but that's just temporarily. I try not to pay attention to those moments. He spends money heavily on the OW and her kids. The OW managed to alienate her two teenage kids from their father(I am in touch with him occaisionally).

Our son was not even a year old when his afair started. Normally being busy with the child it took me a while to catch up on what was really happening. It all seem to come overnight. At least that's how it looks to me. MY ex H only had ONE conversation with me in this entire time and that was before I found the proof of the affair. He basically gave me the " I have not been happy for a while talk"

I don't think I will ever trust anyone. I even have a hard time functioning day to day.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

lovestruckout said:


> That is my concern with any future relationships should my current debacle not work out. I have this new concept that perhaps my WW is the best option at this point because of the fact that I blew her affair out of the water. With this woman, it seems it took my discovery to get her out of the affair fog. I can't imagine she would have ever stopped if I wasn't aware of her transgressions.
> 
> So if I were to move on without her, I imagine I'd be back at square one with pondering if the person I was with is capable of cheating on me. I could definitely see myself trusting no one for a long while.


Starting to feel like this, too... the devil you know may be better (and more 'controllable') because they've been there, done that and you know it and what to look for. Sad but true.

Except I definitely see myself trusting no one EVER again. Not in a long while, not eventually, not when it's been proven - NEVER.
Also sad but true.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

NR--How long has he been with her now? How long since the divorce? I'm sure he doesn't talk about it with you cause he knows what he did. He probably feels ashamed. Did the OW cheat on her husband with yours? How long ago was your divorce? Recent?

I think you can trust again, maybe not like before, but in time you will heal


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

For those of you saying you will "never trust anyone again" -- I had a funny saying during my divorce... I would tell people "I trust no one except God and my mother." LOL


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

My situation is very complicated. We are not divorced--mainly because I need the health insurance through his employer. He now lives an hour away in a gated beach community while I'm still here in the family home (in foreclosure). He currently lives with one of his mistresses who is 20 years his junior.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

The divorce was final Sep 20,2010(he filed). I busted the affair in the open in end of March/beginning of April of 2010. I started noticing the strange behaviour towards the end of 2009. As far as back my records go that I have paper proof the affair might have started somewhere around Sep 2009. 

She divorced also her second husband of 17 years. But according to him they had marriage problems for the last 5 years. The guy has been sleeping on the couch for the past 5 years(he definitely needs to Man up). On the other hand we did not really have any problems at least he has never voiced anything. I dropped my real estate career that I spent two years building it to move to the US so he can become a CEO. We spent 3 years trying to have a child(7 different interventions on me) and finally i got pregnant out of the blue. When our child was born he was diagnosed with multiple food allergies at 4 months. I had to change my eating habits so I can continue to breastfeed him. That took toll on my health for which I am paying right now. 

So as you can see there have been no "Big"events in my life lately.

You may get a chuckle out of this one:

The OW does not like to shop at Costco because that's where the low life people shop. She is one of those who wants to live way beyond her means. Oh and she did a great job alienating her two kids from the father.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

827--Well eventually the 20 yr age gap is going to catch up to him/her. Seriously. I bet they have a mountain of trust issues, too.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

notreadytoquit said:


> The OW does not like to shop at Costco because that's where the low life people shop. *She is one of those who wants to live way beyond her means.* .


Hehe. Nice to know your ex is with a materialistic cow. LOL.
And I can't go to Costco w/o at least spending $100 each time.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm maybe jumping the gun here, as I'm still a couple months out from getting the divorce done, but I don't even consider R an option

Do you regret not reconciling? *No, I won't*
Are you happier now? *To be determined*
Do you have trust issues in new relationships due to the past betrayal(s)? *Yes I will, most definitely*

For me if I think about all the things that COULD have been it is all regret. However when I think of her as a immature and incapable little girl who can't handle life's responsibilities I can somehow manage to get by fine thinking of my life without her, so that is how I will choose to view her (even if it makes me a little delusional), and knowing that not all women are like her gives me hope that I can learn to trust again, and will be happy. So yeah, I can move on it only costs me the memory of having an amazing wife and family for many years. I will have new memories to replace the ones I'm in the process of redacting.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lon said:


> For me if I think about all the things that COULD have been it is all regret.


You know, on the issue of trust--it's worth more than gold, right?--but regarding "trust"--in hindsight, I feel silly for ever blindly trusting my husband. Granted, you rea supposed to but i n a way I feel more knowledgeable now that all this happened. It's not a fun scar/pain to have but it has showed me things I didn't know were possible before. He and I both were the BS and DS in our own marriage. It's like a veil was lifted from my eyes. 

So while it hurts...(SOOO MUCH it's sickening)... do any of you guys ever feel glad in a way in happened because now you look at the world differently? 

Like they say, the innocence is gone once you go through an infidelity...so are you guys ever thankful or, maybe that isn't the right word, but feel more "enlightened" that it happened?

Lon, you said "To be determined" about beng happy again but you will be happy again. Promise. It will take time but you'll get there.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I was only married for 5 years but we were together for 9. I lost my best friend and that I cannot get over


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> So I know we've posted this question before but not sure a thread was made about it:
> 
> For the ones that didn't reconcile...
> 
> ...


I reconciled once only for him to cheat again. That's why I divorced. I knew I would never trust him ever again. And if he wanted "her" over our family, then whatever, so I let him have his suicidal, pill popping ,fat, alcoholic (bleep) 
No, I do not regret my decision to divorce him. 
I am happier with him gone, the stress of what he was doing is lifted but the loneliness I now feel kills me somedays.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Jellybeans said:


> 827--Well eventually the 20 yr age gap is going to catch up to him/her. Seriously. I bet they have a mountain of trust issues, too.


From what one of my daughters tells me this "girl" has some major issues of her own. According to my daughter she has major self-esteem issues and used to be anorexic. Going on how bad she looks I would say she still is! She got a DUI last fall too. My attorney questioned her in court back in May. He used one word to describe her--"Pathetic".


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## 52flower (Mar 4, 2011)

As pathetic as it seems, I might have reconciled with my 2+ cheating ex-husband. I might have IF he showed genuine remorse. I don't think he is capable of remorse, humility, empathy, and being forthright, and without these, reconciliation cannot happen. He has very strong narcissistic characteristics and made it very difficult to understand and accept his hurtful & selfish actions. Both directly and indirectly, this site has been more helpful than IC as I see the situations, actions & reactions, and prudent advice for similar situations. In fact JB, you pointed out that I was not able to move out of my rut because I continued to let him be my friend. Thank you for being upfront with I needed it. I did not realize that for me, trying to stay friends did not allow me to heal. I don't know if we will ever be friends again. Kind of sad but I don't want to go backwards.

So in general, I am much happier. I don't have to worry about what he is doing and how to tip toe over cracked egg shells. I don't think he will ever stop "lying" (or to put it nicely, not being forthright). I was so hurt, so devastated, so sad and it took me a long time to move away from that. I still have moments where I wish I had someone to work hard with and for, pamper, adore, & be affectionate with. But if there is a next time, I want the relationship to be fair and not lopsided or without genuineness & trust.

He is still unmarried & with the OW. They still have the "XXX" business. She is 14 years younger than I am and quite talented in her "business" (she knows how to "manipulate" men). 827 & Not Ready, I understand your resentment. I had to short sale our home on the country club, sell our vacation home, and now rent a very small apt. They have 2 Lexus cars, a Mercedes, and a Infiniti SUV; I have an 18 year old Toyota. She doesn't like Macy's - minimum is Neiman Marcus..Chanel shoes, gets botox... I could go on & on. Off & on, he has sent me texts, even recently, that say he lost so much, was an idiot, wants to marry me again, misses us so much, and that I did not deserve the cruel way he treated me. I don't doubt that those are probably transient words of a snapshot in his life, and that those feelings fade quickly.

I don't know what the future holds but my kids (who are in their 20's) are happy that I am back to the happy & loving mom I was when they grew up. That means a lot to me.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Mine shows zero remorse too and that would be imperative if there was to be even a thought of reconcilaltion. About a month ago I was going for a biopsy. He knew it was a biopsy but did not know for what. He texted me and emailed me that morning saying: I hope things turn out ok with the biopsy. That's the closest I have come to him feeling empathy about anything since the affair/divorce. Before all this drama he knew how to show some of it(unless he was faking it).

I can only interpret his concern two ways:

1. He really cares what happens to me

2. He cares that something bad does not happen to me and then all of a sudden he is a single father, which means no more fun times with the OW, less opportunities to travel for work.

I somehow lean towards number 2 but who know. I try not to read too much into it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

52flower said:


> Off & on, he has sent me texts, even recently, that say he lost so much, was an idiot, wants to marry me again, misses us so much, and that I did not deserve the cruel way he treated me. I don't doubt that those are probably transient words of a snapshot in his life


He's a master d0uchebag, 52!
It def sounds like you're turning a new corner so I an happy for you. I bet he does have massive regrets. Sounds like he chose a real prize.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

827Aug said:


> From what one of my daughters tells me this "girl" has some major issues of her own. According to my daughter she has major self-esteem issues and used to be anorexic. Going on how bad she looks I would say she still is! She got a DUI last fall too. My attorney questioned her in court back in May. *He used one word to describe her--"Pathetic*".


:rofl: She does sound like she's got some issues!


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

2xloser said:


> Starting to feel like this, too... the devil you know may be better (and more 'controllable') because they've been there, done that and you know it and what to look for. Sad but true.
> 
> Except I definitely see myself trusting no one EVER again. Not in a long while, not eventually, not when it's been proven - NEVER.
> Also sad but true.


You know what is fvcked up? I realize now that I NEVER DID TRUST MY WIFE! I created it b/c I knew she was cheating on me leading up to and during our engagement, and yet I chose to ignore it. I don't know why I did that, I guess I was just too much of a coward to accept the reality.

So if we do R, maybe I will be better able to trust her. It's an absurd situation, but the more I go through it I realized that every little 'girls trip' she took or night out at the bars when I got a late phone call, I never rested easily. Clearly she was capable of cheating anytime, so I will never know the whole story. Horrible, yet this is the hand I dealt to myself.


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## 52flower (Mar 4, 2011)

Thanks JB. That one post you sent me was a real eye-opener and helped me turn the corner...I send much gratitude to you as I remember how stuck & flustered I was, so willing to work hard but not knowing what I needed to do. I am sad I did not have the marriage my mom & dad had, so safe & loving. But I was too innocent & trusting in our changed world. This is a weird thing to say but yesterday, I actually felt thankful that he left me as it forced me to clarify my values of right and wrong and to become a stronger person. Should I send him a thank you note for what he did??? hehe!! Not!!! 

I definitely miss the fun & loving times we had. He was my very best friend and I miss that guy. If he was that same guy, I would have huge regrets & sadness that I lost him. But I think he lost that guy too; he is so different now. I hope he is happy but I don't think he is.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

52flower said:


> Thanks JB. That one post you sent me was a real eye-opener and helped me turn the corner...I send much gratitude to you as I remember how stuck & flustered I was, so willing to work hard but not knowing what I needed to do.


Aww. Well I am glad I could help. YOu were definitely struggling there for awhile and in STUCK mode so I am glad you finally got the push to move forward. You do sound lightyears better now 



52flower said:


> This is a weird thing to say but yesterday, I actually felt thankful that he left me as it forced me to clarify my values of right and wrong and to become a stronger person. Should I send him a thank you note for what he did??? hehe!! Not!!!


Hehe. Maybe Hallmark can come out with a "_Thank you for divorcing me a$$hole cause my life is so much better now' _section!" We can ask them to write their cards. At a fee, of course!


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## 52flower (Mar 4, 2011)

Funny! Sometimes I still feel angry at how he treated me but sometimes I actually feel sad for where he has put himself. I think his greed prompts him to make hugely bad choices. And he has been able to skirt, ignore, and bypass the consequences & face the responsibilities. But this one was huge and no matter what he does, the results are still around him. I'm still working on not being vulnerable & I every once in a while I catch myself wanting to reach out & be a friend to him. However, I know this is a critical red flag zone for me, at least right now. My friend warns me that she isn't convinced that I can turn on the ***** mode (she's good at it) when needed. I'm still in training & not sure if I'll ever be good at it...


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

52flower said:


> Funny! Sometimes I still feel angry at how he treated me but sometimes I actually feel sad for where he has put himself. I think his greed prompts him to make hugely bad choices. And he has been able to skirt, ignore, and bypass the consequences & face the responsibilities. But this one was huge and no matter what he does, the results are still around him. I'm still working on not being vulnerable & I every once in a while I catch myself wanting to reach out & be a friend to him. However, I know this is a critical red flag zone for me, at least right now. My friend warns me that she isn't convinced that I can turn on the ***** mode (she's good at it) when needed. I'm still in training & not sure if I'll ever be good at it...


Just curious. What was he treating you like right after you discovered his affair and up until the actual divorce? Mine never discussed anything with me, showed zero remorse, I got zero apology(even if it were a fake one), nada!


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Lordmayham< 

UGH! Your story just drove a knife into my chest !!!

~sammy


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> So I know we've posted this question before but not sure a thread was made about it:
> 
> For the ones that didn't reconcile...
> 
> ...


Do I regret it? No
Am I happier now? Very much so. But it was 3 years of pure hell to get there. 

Trust issues? Oh yeah. But thankfully I've lately allowed myself to just not overthink it so much. Finally. LOL The bottom line is that you unfortunately can't control whether someone will cheat on you or not.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Just like my IC said, "It doesn't matter who the (WS) was with, they still would cheat. It's in their make up " 

I don't know if I believe it... and correct me if I am wrong, but it seems to me the road to R and R is a long slow journey.

~sammy


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## amarige (Jun 6, 2011)

I wanted more than anything to reconcile; H didn't. He went to counseling only three times (I still go after two years). Our divorce will be final in a few weeks and I am still broken hearted. His cheating and lying did it for me. He is with OW and the devastation he has left behind is enormous. It's true what they say that your friends and family feel divorced from you too; like they have to pick sides. Our families were close; and still see each other. H doesnt see or talk to any of his family; by choice. Yet he shows no remorse or sorrow for what he has done. He doesn't even try to see his kids regularly; he will only take them to a movie or out to eat. I'm with 827 Aug; I can't even fathom another relationship right now and I trust no one! I live in the same town as H and OW; OW used to work with me but got fired for being inappropriate and having an affair with my husband (I am senior management and she was part time). I am constantly seeing them together and it makes me so angry. All I can do is text and yell at him for what he has done. He had it made and a lovely family to boot. Dumb man! I still miss him but don't want to. I want to go out on a date but am scared to death. I don't think I can handle any rejection. Too wounded still.


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## 52flower (Mar 4, 2011)

NotReady: At the beginning, (as with the other affair), he followed script and was curt, short, distant, even rude. He sometimes did not want to talk to me and when he did, he explained it was my fault. This lasted for a few weeks. After that he fluctuated, sometimes distant and uncaring, sometimes he apologized & said that he loved & missed me & he was "working" to get back together. It's possible that he had pangs of wanting to be with both (ugh) & it just depended on his mood. He never had a loyal, genuine best friend who put him first like he had in me. He has at least strong guilt about leaving me and he still shares these moments with me but the fact is that he still is with her. I sometimes wonder if I had known about this site & followed the 180 etc, whether he would have snapped out of his fog. But then again, he would still have his tendencies & I would be spending so much energy worrying about them and I know I don't want to spend anymore on that. So oh well, life rolls on...


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: It was unintentionally funny, Mayhem... whatever happened to your ex-wife? Did she end up with OM? Do you speak to her?


My WW found the XW on facebook, and it looks like she didn't marry the OM and gained a hundred pounds. Haven't spoken to her since we separated those many years ago, and I have no desire to. She's in another country anyway. What she does with her life is her business. :sleeping:

*I feel numb*, like that spark I had for her is missing somehow. It's hard to put into words. But I'm only just over a year from DDay. Who knows how I will feel another year or two from now. They say it takes 2-5 years to recover, so I believe that now. I'll fake it till I make it.


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## HaHa (Oct 1, 2010)

For the ones that didn't reconcile...

Do you regret not reconciling? Not at all. I filed for divorce the day after I found out he was cheating and I have NO regrets at all. I guess I was one of those people that didn’t want details or want to know why. It happened and there was no taking it back and it was one of my deal breakers.

Are you happier now? More than! I remarried this year after dating my now husband for three years and it’s amazing the difference in how I feel about this relationship and my previous marriage. 

Do you have trust issues in new relationships due to the past betrayal(s)? No, not now. When we first started dating exclusively, I had my moments, but after swearing I would never marry again, it obviously took someone special to get my to the altar again. My husband now is more than an open book all the time. It’s just his personality.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

HaHa said:


> Are you happier now? More than! I remarried this year after dating my now husband for three years and it’s amazing the difference in how I feel about this relationship and my previous marriage.


What is different now than before? 



HaHa said:


> I had my moments, but after swearing I would never marry again, it obviously took someone special to get my to the altar again.


That is awesome!  My thinking now is that I don't want to remarry ever but I guess we'll see. Though right now I am sold on not doing so!



lordmayhem said:


> My WW found the XW on facebook, and it looks like she didn't marry the OM and gained a hundred pounds.


:rofl: Glad to hear your recovery is going well. Slow and steady. Hope you guys make it out ok


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## HaHa (Oct 1, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> What is different now than before?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



With my current husband, we actaully communicate and we can actually disagree on an adult level. "We agree to disagree" is our term. With my ex, it was always his way or hissy fits happen. I put up with it because I do kind of have the personality of just keeping the peace, but obviously not when you hit one of my deal breakers. Its sounds really sad but I had forgotten what it was like to be happy in a relationship. 

I was divorced three years before I met my current husband and loved the me time and thought there was no way in hell I would every get married again.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

HaHa said:


> With my current husband, we actaully communicate and we can actually disagree on an adult level. "We agree to disagree" is our term. With my ex, it was always his way or hissy fits happen. I put up with it because I do kind of have the personality of just keeping the peace, but obviously not when you hit one of my deal breakers. Its sounds really sad but I had forgotten what it was like to be happy in a relationship.
> 
> I was divorced three years before I met my current husband and loved the me time and thought there was no way in hell I would every get married again.


Awesome post. You give me hope! I am glad to hear you found an "adult" to have a relationship with who talks about problems instead of having hissy fits.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

HaHa, 

Yeah great post! Thanks!

~sammy


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

sammy3 said:


> Lordmayham<
> 
> UGH! Your story just drove a knife into my chest !!!
> 
> ~sammy


Sorry if my story triggered you. You'll enough soon that stories like these won't trigger you. Keep your head up!


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## HaHa (Oct 1, 2010)

Thanks, guys! Just wanted to show that there is light at the end of the crappy tunnel sometimes although it may take some time.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> For the ones that didn't reconcile...
> 
> Do you regret not reconciling?


Does this question imply that reconciliation is always a choice? Sometimes, I don't believe reconciliation is even an option. Actually, on here with our situations, I would probably say more often than not. If they don't stop the affair, reconciliation is impossible. Lord knows I've tried more than I should, so I will not regret not reconciling. It was not a choice I could have made.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

HurtinginTN said:


> Does this question imply that reconciliation is always a choice? Sometimes, I don't believe reconciliation is even an option. Actually, on here with our situations, I would probably say more often than not. If they don't stop the affair, reconciliation is impossible. Lord knows I've tried more than I should, so I will not regret not reconciling. It was not a choice I could have made.


I'll be as gentle as I can HiT. You've said something like this before, quite a few times in your original thread. And every single time she comes back and sheds a few crocodile tears and says its over with the OM, you take her back, then the cycle repeats. Now you are back to square 1 and this is the first day of your separation until..........she makes lasagna again and the cycle repeats.

But I agree with you, that R is impossible if the WS won't stop the affair.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> until..........she makes lasagna again and the cycle repeats.


lol. She never even got around to making the lasagna. The quiche was awesome, but the lasagna noodles are still in the cupboard.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Speaking of lasagna--my mother makes the best lasagna.

Mmm...now I am hungry.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Speaking of lasagna--my mother makes the best lasagna.


Is she single? If so, is she busy Thursday night?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Not single. Very married to my dad. 

Look at you trying to hit on my mom. LOL.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Well, can you blame me? I thought my wife made the best lasagna. I even wrote her a poem once based on that. (She is the only woman I have ever written a poem to.) She got me all worked up buying the ingredients and then failed to cook it. Then I hear your mom makes the best. . . . :rofl:

Please don't send your dad looking for me. I've been accurately called many things, but OM or homewrecker will never fit.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

HurtinTN you are funny. I am a pretty good cook myself but my ex H also used to make a good lasagna(better than I can). Maybe lasagna has to do something with cheating spouses, I don't know.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

notreadytoquit said:


> HurtinTN you are funny.



Why, thank you! I'm in a rare good mood this afternoon. I get to see my kids in an hour and a half! At least the absences give us something to look forward to.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

notreadytoquit said:


> Maybe lasagna has to do something with cheating spouses, I don't know.


Hmmm.... Mystery solved! My (cheating) estranged husband could make some awesome lasagna too.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

827Aug said:


> Hmmm.... Mystery solved! My (cheating) estranged husband could make some awesome lasagna too.


Beware of good lasagna makers:lol:

I wonder how that would look in an online dating profile: I am looking for a man who sucks at making a lasagna.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

notreadytoquit said:


> Beware of good lasagna makers:lol:
> 
> I wonder how that would look in an online dating profile: I am looking for a man who sucks at making a lasagna.


:rofl: Or first date request - cook me some lasagna. If it sucks, there could be a second date. If it's good, enjoy the lasagna and lose the phone number.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Related topic articles:

_*Why Some People Choose Divorce After Infidelity* 

If you’ve recently been the victim of an unfaithful spouse, you’ve probably been inundated with stories of couples who have reconciled and moved on with their lives. However well-meaning the tellers of these stories area, they often overlook the fact divorce is a better choice for some couples who’ve experienced adultery. Reviewing some of the most common issues with infidelity will help you organize your thoughts and proceed in a beneficial way with your divorce plans.

Violation of trust

Even with the best of intentions for reconciliation, you may find it difficult to trust a partner who’s cheated on you. Unfortunately, a matter of broken trust is about more than hurt feelings. Many spouses that have been cheated on realize that if their partner cheated once, it’s likely they will do so again. Rather than go through the upheaval associated with finding out all over again, they conclude that it is better to end the marriage. 

Guilt and embarrassment

There’s no question that being cheated on can create an enormous number of self-esteem issues. Even if you believe that you’re an attractive person, you’re bound to wonder what your spouse saw in the other person. Chances are, if you stop and look at the words and feelings you’re aiming at your spouse, you’ll find that – at some level – you also blame yourself. If you’ve been cheated on, it’s crucial to seek psychological counseling in order to come to terms with these and other issues. 

Wanting to commit to the other person

Interestingly enough, it’s not always the spouse that’s been cheated on that wants to end the marriage. In some cases, the partner that commits the infidelity may decide to pursue a new marriage to their lover. As can be expected, this can place an enormous emotional burden on the spouse that was cheated on to begin with.

Starting a new life

Regardless of which partner commits adultery, divorce offers both partners an opportunity to start a new life. Of course, the changes that come with getting a divorce aren’t easy to deal with, but it’s also important to keep in mind that once the divorce is finalized, you can start doing all of the things you never thought you’d be able to do within the confines of your marriage.

Fear of sexually transmitted diseases

When you’ve gone to the effort of getting married, you usually expect to be in a monogamous relationship for the rest of your life. Within that structure, you typically expect to be free from the risk of catching a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Unfortunately, if your spouse cheats on you, there’s no way to guarantee that you won’t contract an STD from his or her new partner. For some people, this concern alone is enough to make them want to end the marriage, rather than risk a future of uncertainty.

Many people look at infidelity and a subsequent divorce as the worst disaster of their lives. However, if you can’t live with your partner because of infidelity, divorce may be the best option for you. In fact, if you look at divorce as the process that frees you from the limitations of a bad relationship, you may find that you’ll be better off than you were before the divorce._

Surviving Marital Infidelity - Signs of Infidelity » Why Some People Choose Divorce After Infidelity


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