# Please Help Looking for advice



## Pteradactyl (Apr 8, 2011)

Hello,
I am new here and I want to thank anyone who reads this and is able to offer some desperately needed help. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. I love him with all my heart but our sex life is very much lacking. For the first 11 or so years I was content having sex, without orgasm, just because I loved him and wanted him to be happy (I was very young and a virgin when I met him). Recently tho I have become very depressed with our sex life. I think I am beginning to resent the fact that he can use my body to receive so much pleasure and I am just left feeling frustrated and I feel like I am missing out on so much. I am very jealous as to how much better sex is for him and how boring it is for me. Over the past few years I have started wanting sex less and less and now its gotten to a point where I just don't want to have sex any more and it is beginning to have an effect on our marriage. What's worse is he seems to think something is wrong with me and that's why I don't want to have sex. He doesn't seem to worry much about the fact I don't reach orgasm often (I can have an orgasm with the use of a vibrator but we don't use it often). Sometimes I would like to ask him how he would like to have sex over and over and watch his partner receive so much pleasure while you receive nothing but I don't because I know it would hurt him. I don't want to be selfish but if this is all there is to sex then I don't think I can do it anymore. I keep reading all this crap about women needing to "free their minds and let go of all that troubles you" in order to reach orgasm during sex but i do not believe that is my problem. I think he just isn't sure how to make me orgasm. Since we have been together, some 17 years or so, I have only had 2 orgasms during sex, without the use of a vibrator and those 2 were way b4 we were married. I know I am supposed to tell him what it is I like but we have been having this kind of unsatisfying sex for so long that I honestly don't even know what makes me feel good and not sure how to go about finding out...
I know this is a major mess and I thank you very much any help/advice you can give.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

"Sometimes I would like to ask him how he would like to have sex over and over and watch his partner receive so much pleasure while you receive nothing but I don't because I know it would hurt him."

Why go negative? Why don't you bring up this subject in a positive fashion. Men like clear input from wives about their feelings. Men hate when wives allow resentment to build up over years and years and never say anythign about it.


----------



## Pteradactyl (Apr 8, 2011)

Thank you for the ideas/advice I will talk with him and we will give it a try. 

I am sorry if i sounded angry, i really didnt mean to. We have talked some about it but it doesn't seem to get us anywhere. It just gets awkward and I think we are both at a loss of what to do. I just ordered a book that I am hoping will help and I found a great article with tips on this problem that we are planning on reading together.

I guess the next step, if these ideas do not help, is counseling. I don't know what else to do...

Thank you again for your help.

p.s. I do not fake. I did in the beginning (many years ago) and I told him about it. He was very hurt and I promised I would never fake again.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Pteradactyl said:


> Thank you for the ideas/advice I will talk with him and we will give it a try.
> 
> I am sorry if i sounded angry, i really didnt mean to. We have talked some about it but it doesn't seem to get us anywhere. It just gets awkward and I think we are both at a loss of what to do. I just ordered a book that I am hoping will help and I found a great article with tips on this problem that we are planning on reading together.
> 
> ...


Don't apologize to us about being angry!

OK to get a little mad sometimes!


----------



## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

Pteradactyl said:


> Hello,
> I am new here and I want to thank anyone who reads this and is able to offer some desperately needed help. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. I love him with all my heart but our sex life is very much lacking. For the first 11 or so years I was content having sex, without orgasm, just because I loved him and wanted him to be happy (I was very young and a virgin when I met him). Recently tho I have become very depressed with our sex life. I think I am beginning to resent the fact that he can use my body to receive so much pleasure and I am just left feeling frustrated and I feel like I am missing out on so much. I am very jealous as to how much better sex is for him and how boring it is for me. Over the past few years I have started wanting sex less and less and now its gotten to a point where I just don't want to have sex any more and it is beginning to have an effect on our marriage. What's worse is he seems to think something is wrong with me and that's why I don't want to have sex. He doesn't seem to worry much about the fact I don't reach orgasm often (I can have an orgasm with the use of a vibrator but we don't use it often). Sometimes I would like to ask him how he would like to have sex over and over and watch his partner receive so much pleasure while you receive nothing but I don't because I know it would hurt him. I don't want to be selfish but if this is all there is to sex then I don't think I can do it anymore. I keep reading all this crap about women needing to "free their minds and let go of all that troubles you" in order to reach orgasm during sex but i do not believe that is my problem. I think he just isn't sure how to make me orgasm. Since we have been together, some 17 years or so, I have only had 2 orgasms during sex, without the use of a vibrator and those 2 were way b4 we were married. I know I am supposed to tell him what it is I like but we have been having this kind of unsatisfying sex for so long that I honestly don't even know what makes me feel good and not sure how to go about finding out...
> I know this is a major mess and I thank you very much any help/advice you can give.


My H is the exact same way. You NEED to talk to him about this and now. You are not selfish. You have needs just as much as he does. No need to apologize for being angry. You guys need to experiment to get you there.


----------



## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Are you open to trying new things? Introducing more things that might help you?

Girl...going that long without an orgasm is just not fair for you, and I can understand why you don't seem to want it anymore.
What is there to look forward to?

It is equally important for you to be satisfied sexually as it is for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am all for books, read them together. He needs to be aware of how you feel, you are NOT selfish at all. Back in the day, if I didn't get mine, I would MAKE my husband do it again, I had to have my BIG "O" or I was pi**ed. He cared very much that I got it though- always. He became a master at waiting for me to avoid my "wrath". ha ha 

One man on this forum could not get his wife to orgasm for years, she bought a book about it (not sure which), started reading in the car on the way home, she suddenly told him to pull over & they was going to try something she just read - & she had her very 1st orgasm! Right there along the side of the road. 

I doubt it will be that easy for most, but a book sure helped this couple amazingly. Of coarse they have other issues now, but what a discovery it was! 

Amazon.com: She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (9780060538262): Ian Kerner: Books

Amazon.com: I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide (9781569242766): Dorian Solot, Marshall Miller, Shirley Chiang: Books

Amazon.com: The Elusive Orgasm: A Woman's Guide to Why She Can't and How She Can Orgasm (9781600940231): Vivienne Cass Ph.D. Ph.D.: Books


----------



## Pteradactyl (Apr 8, 2011)

Hello again everyone,
Just wanted to thank you very much for all your replies. I had a long talk with my husband last night and I believe we are finally taking a step in the right direction. I found this article and had him read it and it really helped to explain to him what I was going thru. We even tried the "exercie" (lol) in this article and it really was a wonderful experience. Altho we have a long way to go at east we are making some progress and finally talking about it...
Thank you again for all your help and the book recommendations. Am heading over to amazon now to check them out.

p.s. Here is the article incase anyone else here is interested in reading it. (there are some swear words used the article):
How to Make a Woman Orgasm


----------



## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

That is an interesting article! The author was right on about teasing and having lots of foreplay for the wife. However - keep in mind that only 30% of all women orgasm with intercourse. The rest of us 70% require some form of continual clitoris stimulation in order to reach orgasms. For some women the man has to focus his efforts on helping her have an orgasm before or after the intercourse penetration occurs. Other women can reach orgasms by stimulating the clitoris while the man is penetrating her. Some positions, like cowgirl, make that easier to do. 

All of these ways are normal and natural and you and your husband just need to find what works for you. Relax and have fun experimenting. Read and try and communicate, then read and try some more. Most importantly, relax and have fun with each other. Enjoy the pleasure and don't focus on the outcome as much. The more you feel the pleasure, the more chance you have of reaching orgasms. 

Learn to enjoy the journey with each other!


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Look up Karezza on the internet...teaches you how sex can be less goal oriented by using the Karezza method, sex without orgasm (male or female). Forming healthy bonds together can increase the sex life dramatically! Lots of cuddling, kissing, eye contact, caressing, massaging...sheer pleasure for both! The orgasms that happen are then a bonus...I'm not entirely convinced to give up orgasms completely, as recommended in Karezza, but when sex enjoyed as a journey rather than a destination!


----------

