# Getting him to talk dirty in bed



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Any tips? I don't need a novel, but just some general descriptions of how he feels, how I feel or look or that kind of thing. Even just saying my name would be nice. He is so quiet and sometimes I just feel like he's not really mentally there with me. I try to draw him out but it's like pulling teeth.
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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, wow. Yeah, I went through this too, except my H was very receptive.

Try modeling the behavior. In other words, don't ask him to be verbal, but you be verbal. Eventually he'll want to keep up. ( I hope!)

And I came right out and asked H to say my name.

Might not work, but I hope it does!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

A couple of ways to get him in the habit of talking in bed:

Ask him questions. Ex. - Do you want me to play with my nipples?

Tease him and make him vocalize what he wants. Ex. - As you go down on him, kiss his legs and stomach, all the while asking what he wants you to do. Make him ask you to suck him.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Men try so hard to be their girls best, just let him know how he would blow every fantasy or guy out the water if he was more vocal. Noone would be close. Remind him that physically he is far superior and a man of his caliber needs to work the room the same way he works his package. Dirty talk is confidence. If he is beta, let him know in the bedroom you want a man.


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## ilgitano (Apr 2, 2012)

Tips? Hell yes. Get the ball rolling. Don't wait for him. Nothing is hotter for a man than a woman who talks dirty in bed. Be patient. It may take him a few weeks to get into it but once he cracks open that door, he'll go wild and fxxx you like there's no tomorrow.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Oh no.... here comes a fantasy. I've never done this because my wife fixed me before we got married by telling me that's what she wanted from me. I knew she wanted aggression, talk, and moans while we were intimate. I was young and embarrassed but I did it anyway. Eventually it became confidence, now I'd hate sex without the talk. Fantasy below:

Lay him on his back and give him oral. Not intense mouthful oral, but licking with eye contact while you talk to him. Let him know you want to hear his dirty thoughts. Ask him to look at you. Ask him if he wants you to choke on his thing. Warm him up and force a response. Eventually work your way up and ride him, but as you do, lean down and grab his throat (gentle -- pretend rough). As you ride whisper to him in a commanding tone that you want to hear him talk. Tell him to moan for you (I started building confidence with moans and short talk). If he doesn't moan, get up and smother him with your body. Yes, sit on him. Tell him you aren't getilting up until he talks..... 

From there, hopefully it clicks. Work with him. If you bring the animal out, he throws you off, rolls you over, looks at you as he starts thrusting and asks you with an agry voice, is this what you want. Compliment him and keep him going. Poke the bear, eventually the man will take over. 


Sorry so graphic, I don't know how else to give that sort of advice without a bit of detail. Now I wish I had stage fright


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

My wife alwyas went overboard with the nasty talk. I mean, I did like it, but sometimes I'd be concentrating on lasting and her vocalizing was a distraction. I'd be putting it to her and evntually I'd lose my temper and say "Shut the f*ck up will ya? I'm trying to concentrate here!" 

Not very nice huh?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *diwali123 said*: Even just saying my name would be nice. He is so quiet and sometimes I just feel like he's not really mentally there with me. I try to draw him out but it's like pulling teeth.


I am really not convinced every man can step this up to what some of us want or crave. I don't mean to be a downer... but how many Men can't get some of this from their wives....no matter what hoops they jump through, and I know from my own experience .....feeling as HIGH on sex as any man- with "talking dirty" being my new found language for a time.... it just flowed out of me..... I could *not* get my husband to step THIS up - as much as I would have loved & reveled in it... No, some things had to be left to fantasy. 

My husband is natutally a quieter man, I knew this when I married him... he is also more Beta. Who am I to think I am going to do a overhaul on him just cause I decided I wanted more in the bedroom, he was always a gracious Lover. Why suddendly did I need more? 

I would love for him to talk *AS DIRTY AS ME *in bed...but I think it puts pressure on him...it's not "I think"...It is "I know". When I want more sex to begin with, he already has the added pressure of getting it up, adding this to the mix = let's not go there. 



> *Aristotle said *: If he is beta, let him know in the bedroom you want a man.


 I have said things like this... This is very very offending..... I wouldn't recommend talking to your husband like this... I guess it depends on his personality... Maybe yours will get pizzed off & try to prove you wrong (some people are like this- I think I am one of those)..... 

Or if he is like my husband (very different than me !)......it just makes him feel worse -feeling he can not please me. I ought to know, as we have had fights about this very subject. If I kept pushing it, It would have drug us both down to a very bad place. Sometimes I still get a little irritated...it revisits me... I wish he was "more" in some of these areas.... but I have to reign it in & let it go. 

I had to accept...what he offers of himself... A lover who aims to please touchingly....he wants to be there, he loves me more than his own life, he is there mentally, he is there emotionally, he loves sex... but the verbal dirty talking... this was pressure. 

I used to be quiet too, but I came out of my shell....maybe a little too much! I was caged. He was always what he was, so It seems. 



> *Tall Average Guy said*: Tease him and make him vocalize what he wants. Ex. - As you go down on him, kiss his legs and stomach, all the while asking what he wants you to do. Make him ask you to suck him.


 I've done so much like this, maybe tonight I will try this on him, I know not to get my hopes up though. When I read things like this... I think to myself.... "I F'n wish". How FUN that would be!! Maybe when he was 18 and had a few drinks. Not today. I missed his revved up Horny "gotta have it now" swimming in his prime with 5 hard-ons a day that needed relief. 

That's one of the problems with us. For my husband it is all about the emotional connection, so alot of HOT erotic talk does not flow from him. I think one has to be feeling this... doused in it - to be an enthusiastc deliverer.... So in our case, I must calm my erotic nerves and be thankful for the more sensual affectionate love making... this is what my husband is all about.

How would you describe your husband ??


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Good point. Why change a gracious lover into an animal, just because.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Aristotle said:


> Good point. Why change a gracious lover into an animal, just because.


 Because of this thread...we had a little argument over this tonight... I swear maybe he needs Hypnotized or something -his issue/blockage on these things seem to stem from feeling "selfish" if he wants me to DO him, he just can't bring himself to act like this....or talk like that....even KNOWING I want that......you know the whole .... tease him so he'll "beg to be sucked" talk. 

So I start telling him he needs to be more of a "Son of a B" - cause even if he is a little bit of a "Son of a B"- he will still be too nice ! So I was going on using hand expressions trying to measure how much of a "Son of a B" he should try to be... I realize how absurd this is getting & start :rofl: out loud...then he starts :rofl: ...back in each others arms....leads right into make up sex.....where I end up telling him to say "suck me baby" before I put my mouth there.... He wasn't going to do it! But I KNEW he wanted it ! WTF

Honest to God, we have had more fights over me wanting this man to get more aggressive, more verbal - but he struggles !!! All that ends up happening is ME getting aggressive, which he does sort of enjoy- so long as I keep it happy, feisty & seductive ... but when I nose dive into putting him down ... well ain't nothing going to destroy the mood more than that! 

This "feeling selfish" hangup he has, I swear is a problem to his psyche -it seems to permeate his sexual mind. I always tell him I want him to be more selfish in bed... I have no fear he would take that too far. He was born to be a Pleaser - I really shouldn't complain. 

Our fights are half crazy but we still love each other dearly. 



> *bandit.45 said*: My wife alwyas went overboard with the nasty talk. I mean, I did like it, but sometimes I'd be concentrating on lasting and her vocalizing was a distraction. I'd be putting it to her and evntually I'd lose my temper and say "Shut the f*ck up will ya? I'm trying to concentrate here!"


 I told my husband about your post tonight, in the midst of our arguing, that brought him a smile anyway....like not every man is flirting up the ceiling in thier bedrooms. 

One night he got me good & said....."My touch should be worth a thousands words". Just about brought me to tears. Kinda like this song >> Alison Krauss - When You Say Nothing At All - YouTube

Outside of the bedroom he is more vocally playful - so at least this is a plus!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

My husband gets an A+ in this category. Some of the stuff he says is better than anything in a smutty book. I don't find a silent partner that good for my ego. 

To do dirty talk right, you have to say what you feel inside. It has to come to the surface. You can't fake it or force it and if you do it just won't seem that authentic as when you say it when you feel it. Dirty talk doesn't HAVE to be trashy sex talk although it could be if that's your cup of tea. That's probably clear as mud. When you say what you feel, it doesn't feel like you're making an effort. And on the flip side, your recipient has to respond to the dirty talk or it's going to be awkward/fall flat. And whatever you say, don't refer to yourself as "Daddy" like "Do you want Daddy's..??" So not a turn on. :rofl:


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Sometimes I get so caught up and lost inside her I talk backwards and just flat out go retarded. 

"Oh yea, shaft me with that c0ck.... I mean, hock my shack... ohhhhh god"

She will smile or scoff and I'll snap out of zombie talk mode.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Coffee Amore said:


> My husband gets an A+ in this category. Some of the stuff he says is better than anything in a smutty book. I don't find a silent partner that good for my ego.


 I don't like you Coffee Amore !  I am just kidding, you lucky woman you! I still find I have a pretty big ego even though my husband lacks here. Some things I take personal -like if I felt he didn't want to be there.. but not this.. I just get caught up in feeling it could be more Exciting...like I am an excitement junkie & I need to calm it down..

It is always deeply emotional but still it's like I'd like us to hop on another train, take a new ride , even though it all leads to the same destination. 



> When you say what you feel, it doesn't feel like you're making an effort. And on the flip side, your recipient has to respond to the dirty talk or it's going to be awkward/fall flat.


 I will give my husband credit here... he does respond, he just doesn't start much. It all comes quite naturally to me...and he does love that. If he didn't ... I think we'd be in a lot of trouble. My flirtatiousnous has helped him overcome some performance pressure even- when I was wearing him out, so it has many uses !


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Since my wife likes that I'm a gentleman out of the bedroom, and because she never talks dirty in the bedroom, it feels out of place for me to talk really dirty.

I've done it a few times, but it makes me feel like a porn actor in a filming of Pride of Prejudice or some other film set in pre-Victorian/Victorian England.... a complete fish out of water.

So what I'm saying is you have to help set the mood. If you have done that and you've asked him to tell you something dirty and he won't... well he may just not have it in him. I know my wife doesn't.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

This is an interesting thread. You know how when someone comes on and wants their spouse to do something in particular and the spouse won't do it (like one of the many infinite BJ threads that seem to float around here  ), and the responses are "well, they should just learn to do it because you like it" or "you need to just learn to live with it" and here we are giving guys bye's for not having it in them to give their woman a little bit of dirty talk (yes, SA's husband, even if you can't do the dirty talk, give her some kind of verbalization in bed - just try it with a few moans/groan or single words "YES", "MORE", "HOLYCOW" to start with). Okay, rant over. 

I actually think spouses should try and push themselves a bit out of their comfort zones. So, diwali, neither my husband and I are what I would call 'dirty talkers' - we end up cracking up and laughing too much when we try and talk dirty - it's all just out of character for the both of us. BUT that doesn't mean that we don't verbalize in other ways - we moan, groan, we whisper - Lord, he whispers in a hoarse, rough growl in my ear telling me what to do or what he's going to do to me (try that one too SA's husband - if you don't want your words heard out loud, then whisper them in her ear). I think the thing is that you really want some kind of verbal affirmation that your partner is in to YOU and in to the moment, yes?

So, start it out slow. You can talk about it casually outside of the bedroom ("oh, I would really love to hear your voice when we do x") and re-affirm verbally during sex ("oh, I love when you moan", "oh, I love when you do that", "oh, I love the sound of your sexy voice").

You can suggest that he whisper things in your ear, and you can try doing the same for him and see how he responds.

You can ask questions during so that he has to respond verbally.

I hope that he will at least try a bit of verbal play with you ... and since I'm in kind of a spunky mood today ... if he doesn't agree to try then you'll just have to tell him you'll spank him. Sorry, couldn't help it.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> This is an interesting thread. You know how when someone comes on and wants their spouse to do something in particular and the spouse won't do it (like one of the many infinite BJ threads that seem to float around here  ), and the responses are "well, they should just learn to do it because you like it" or "you need to just learn to live with it" and here we are giving guys bye's for not having it in them to give their woman a little bit of dirty talk (yes, SA's husband, even if you can't do the dirty talk, give her some kind of verbalization in bed - just try it with a few moans/groan or single words "YES", "MORE", "HOLYCOW" to start with). Okay, rant over.
> 
> I actually think spouses should try and push themselves a bit out of their comfort zones. So, diwali, neither my husband and I are what I would call 'dirty talkers' - we end up cracking up and laughing too much when we try and talk dirty - it's all just out of character for the both of us. BUT that doesn't mean that we don't verbalize in other ways - we moan, groan, we whisper - Lord, he whispers in a hoarse, rough growl in my ear telling me what to do or what he's going to do to me (try that one too SA's husband - if you don't want your words heard out loud, then whisper them in her ear). I think the thing is that you really want some kind of verbal affirmation that your partner is in to YOU and in to the moment, yes?
> 
> ...


Some good advice here!! I'm like your husband I flirt with her all day.......I'm gonna tap that ass tonight, where's big poppasCupcake, oooooh damn that ass looks good etc etc. Talking in the bedroom is totally different I hate it!! It seems fake like acting .....my brain can't play along. I like your husband am a enabler, pleaser, totally get that selfish give you say he has. 

I like shadows, moans, sounds, and dark silhouettes.......saying suck this **** .......just not in me.
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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

My h doesn't seem to like all day flirting. The only time he really got turned on by it was when untold him I had a sexual dream about him. Maybe he's afraid of getting a boner at work and people seeing it.
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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> My h doesn't seem to like all day flirting.


My husband doesn't want to be bothered at work. He's busy and it's not personal.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> My h doesn't seem to like all day flirting. The only time he really got turned on by it was when untold him I had a sexual dream about him. Maybe he's afraid of getting a boner at work and people seeing it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does he do phone sex?

If he can do phone sex well then talking dirty during the deed is a lot easier.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

No he doesn't like phone sex.
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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Enchantment said:


> for Lord, he whispers in a hoarse, rough growl in my ear telling me what to do or what he's going to do to me (try that one too SA's husband - if you don't want your words heard out loud, then whisper them in her ear). I think the thing is that you really want some kind of verbal affirmation that your partner is in to YOU and in to the moment, yes?


 I love what you say here Enchantment - really I DO... Thank you for taking the time! 

I almost hate reading this thread...it depresses me a little. Noone has a perfect marrriage....THIS... in my opinion, is near the only issue that keeps ours from me saying ...."We have it ALL". 

THIS is our CONTENTION. 

I crave more Verbal / ertotic in those moments. I don't expect this all the time, of course not. But a few times a month, getting a little wilder - it would be SO thrilling for me. When it never happens (the way I feel it could -and so easily).... it bothers me. It seems the only time I run with it & make an issue is during PMS though (which has been the last few days- bad time to find this thread!)

Our story is this... *we* were BOTH silent for 19 yrs, I was repressed, embarrassed to moan even, all we ever heard was our breathing, our bodies always in sinc amazingly .... his being so quiet naturally in this area is likely one of the reasons I never came out of my sexual shell ! I would say my husband had MUCH to work with . So when I finally did come out... It was like an ocean being unleashed. ANd HE does love this -being on the receiving end! And I love being that for him, I know it brings Joy to both of us. I also can't expect him to be as free flowing as me... but maybe 1/4 would be sweet ! For him...it is more of a struggle than I can make sense of. :scratchhead: 

The part you mention... about your husband telling you what he is "going to do to you".... mine can't even do that..... you have no idea how many times I have verbalized how much, how high, how wide I would love that. I can't remember a time. When he does do something new, exciting, he says something, I praise him -- oh yes, no lack there. It is just very rare. 

I know 2 posts back...I used a phrase that is not Lady like at all ....& some here may look down on me for that.... my point is...If he just wasn't so nice & got a little rougher, even crude, I would so welcome anything at this point... 

Just like Men want a "Lady" outside of the Bedroom and a BAD GIRL within the sheets who can light his fire....the majority of women crave the same...on the male side........

I got the Gentleman outside those sheets & seriously couldn't ask for more (I mean that with everything in me).... but he simply CAN NOT pull a Bad Boy in bed. Getting dirty...even if he is feeling it washing over him... I can see it on his face (at least we are not in the dark anymore!)......I am deeply moved by those moments....THIS... in it's way, makes up for this lack... but still, he won't say anything. If you can't get a man to do it in the heights of LUST, I don't see how this can be overcome. 








Of course...I'd never leave a great man over this.....but I do get steamed now & then...my desires are still very much there...it is something I SO WANT to share with him, to get back....how do I just deny this....the problem is... this resurfaces. Until I hit menopause I imagine this will remain. 

I need the Serenity Prayer for this one! 

He already feels bad about it, like he can't please me. It is not that he is totally silent but I can relate to the OP's "pulling of teeth" comment. It kinda sucks if we have to tell him what we want to hear....ruins the whole damn thing. 

Then he'll say....that I will tell him he is faking it --if he does it , this is a common merry go round argument we have. 



> You can suggest that he whisper things in your ear, and you can try doing the same for him and see how he responds.


 Not sure I have ever suggested whispering.. I probably have though.. But I still can't get my hopes up, this IS when I get upset. 



> ... if he doesn't agree to try then you'll just have to tell him you'll spank him. Sorry, couldn't help it.


 At one point I told him ...I'm done, I am not having this retarted conversation with you again.... I am just going to beat your ass when I start getting issed: I think I did that a couple times.. it does seem to get us laughing, we always make up ... obviously.  Then he'll tell me I fight just for Make up sex. 

We laughed the other night, I was telling him he needs hypnotized, maybe that would cure him...can you imagine the the look of the Hypnotists face with a suggestion like this! :rofl:




> *OhGeesh said*: Talking in the bedroom is totally different I hate it!! It seems fake like acting .....my brain can't play along. I like your husband am a enabler, pleaser, totally get that selfish give you say he has.
> 
> I like shadows, moans, sounds, and dark silhouettes.......saying suck this **** .......just not in me.


 There we go, it is nice for me to hear ...confirmation some men are just LIKE this.... This makes me feel a little better about my husband. He will also say he feels funny, he has thrown around the term "fake" also or worried about being too crude (unfortunately I would like that!)...he just says he is not like that, it is not him. He would never use the term F*** either, not that I would want to hear that one anyway! But really, I would welcome anything -just to get him saying more. 

It seems one of his defenses is to tell me...that I don't realize how CRUDE other men are...which I am sure is very true, he uses the guys at work as examples. 

I have to remind myself sometimes... he loves sex, he LOVES touching me....this is what makes it OK -even though I still crave a little more in this area. 




> *diwali123 said*: No he doesn't like phone sex


 I am pretty sure my husband would also struggle here. Thankfully he is always home & we never had to rely on this.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> Any tips? I don't need a novel, but just some general descriptions of how he feels, how I feel or look or that kind of thing. Even just saying my name would be nice. He is so quiet and sometimes I just feel like he's not really mentally there with me. I try to draw him out but it's like pulling teeth.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you are not doing this tourself, start doing it. He may just catch on.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I love the sound of my husband's voice and I love what he says with that voice, so I was drawn to this thread. He's been expressive from the early days but I'd felt he was holding back and I craved him to be more open with me. 

Dirty talk is relative. 

Whether male or female, learning to un-learn takes willingness and shift in attitude. And as Enchantment said, pushing one's own boundaries, even if that's ever so slightly. My husband once told me he felt it was wrong to be dirty with me. I wouldn't call him inhibited by any means though. But there was still something holding him back slightly. Conditioning can be a mofo. When he attempted to adjust his own attitude, through pushing his own boundaries and accepted that not only was it okay to be dirty with his wife but that I desired that, then it was like a switch had been flipped and the green light was on. As well as dealing with stuff outside the bedroom that allows for that vulnerability inside the bedroom to occur, but that's another level to the conversation.

I've initiated dialogue, certain words, asked him questions etc and he's then taken the lead from there. I have also whispered to him that I want him to lose his inhibitions with me (not in that wording, but you get the idea). It turns me on to hear him. It turns him on to hear me... granted I have to limit what I say because if we're prolonging our encounter my voice will take him over the edge. I select my timing with this. He has said my name from time to time during our crescendo. It was unexpected. I wouldn't have thought of hearing my name. It's not something I would prompt. Thanks to H, I now associate that as being completely in that (ecstatic) moment together. Have you ever whispered or moaned his name? 

Sometimes we have a laugh amidst our dialogue. That's usually when we're not really in that mood and it becomes silliness instead. When we are in that mood though, it's fantastic and doesn't feel forced. It just feels intense and passionate. 

It might not be your spouse's bag, they might not be willing (for whatever reason), they might need gentle and positive encouragement, and/or they might need to push their own boundaries.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Coffee Amore said:


> I don't find a silent partner that good for my ego.
> 
> To do dirty talk right, you have to say what you feel inside. It has to come to the surface.


:iagree:

and lol "good for my ego.." yes, I like his voice but you're right about this too.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

heartsbeating said:


> Have you ever whispered or moaned his name?


I don't like you either Heartsbeating  -- again I am kidding!! Good for the 2 of you, sounds like your husband has really grown in this area, a nice success story of overcoming , reaching new heights & both really being turned on by it. :smthumbup:

I DO envy your free flowing "dirty" expression though ! 


Us on the other hand... I just asked my husband this morning, doesn't he want to hear me calling out his name, he said nonchalantly.... "No...I just want to feel the LLooovvvvee baby". What the hell can I do !! He simply doesn't need a little dirty talk. I want it... he doesn't need it. He likes it, don't get me wrong, he just doesn't crave it like me.. He seriously wouldn't care if we was silent till we hit dirt. 

The only good thing about this is ...He does want to please me, I know he means it ...but yet....the struggle remains. 
If I took this personal - I might as well :BoomSmilie_anim:myself. 



> My husband once told me he felt it was wrong to be dirty with me.


 I know mine felt this way too - he even admits he was "repressed" some --Yep, even a guy! ......just all we heard in the church pew .... PURITY / Holiness pounded into our heads.... then I didn't help matters when we met ....telling him he was so different with a .... not like all those sweet talking dirty guys looking just to get into my pants -- I screwed myself with that one!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I talk a lot trying to get him to respond, asking him what he likes, sometimes telling him what to say in a playful dominant way. It just doesn't seem like he catches on to how turned on it makes me. Or he just can't focus on two things at once.
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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I know mine felt this way too - he even admits he was "repressed" some --Yep, even a guy! ......just all we heard in the church pew .... PURITY / Holiness pounded into our heads.... then I didn't help matters when we met ....telling him he was so different with a .... not like all those sweet talking dirty guys looking just to get into my pants -- I screwed myself with that one!


Cut yourself some slack. You are different to how you were then. It does make me curious though, if your husband knows you'd be turned on with a little dirty talk, do you know why he isn't giving this more of a try? Conditioning? Any chance of slight resentment? Is it possibly intimidating/pressure for him? Or maybe it's just not his thing and that's the end of it as far as he's concerned?

My husband can pin-point the exact thing in his childhood that gave him some conditioning in this regards (not just about dirty-talk, but ya know, having those misguided perceptions). When we met, I was openly talking fantasies with him. We'd role-play and dirty talk somewhat but it felt to me there was that internal "stop" sign holding him back - including not opening up to me about his fantasies. That "stop" sign however was inter-related with the very fantasies that would turn him on. When he realized I didn't think he was a pervert (good old conditioning!) and was actually into his fantasy too... it seemed to help. That acceptance combined with the reset of our relationship, and ourselves, has brought about changes in every aspect. 

Now I will say that he isn't the type to send me crude/dirty texts. He sends sexy and flirtatious messages but they are fairly subtle (to me at least!) When we're together, it can be a different matter. Sometimes he will role with the talk I've instigated, sometimes it's all him, sometimes I have whispered "Talk to me" ...this doesn't always mean "Be dirty" but he's good at leading the vibe of our interaction. He knows that his voice turns me on. He knows what he says turns me on. 

We have had conversations outside the bedroom about sexuality and what we like but I don't remember discussing dirty talk. I think it was just one of those things that started to happen, when I began whispering certain things to him - a short sentence, a few words, a question... that he picked up on. I'm all for trial and error too. You'll know if he's into it or not and be prepared to laugh at yourself during those moments. There's nothing wrong with being crude, but dirty talk doesn't necessarily need to be crude. I think so long as it comes naturally to you - the type of language you'd use during sex. 

Do you compliment his body or what feels good in the moment? It can just be a short sentence, a few words whispered.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I just asked my husband this morning, doesn't he want to hear me calling out his name, he said nonchalantly.... "No...I just want to feel the LLooovvvvee baby". What the hell can I do !! He simply doesn't need a little dirty talk. I want it... he doesn't need it. He likes it, don't get me wrong, he just doesn't crave it like me.. He seriously wouldn't care if we was silent till we hit dirt.


Okay I am curious as to why you asked if he'd want to hear you calling out his name when this was about you wanting to hear him? 

Why not tell him at a select moment, how sexy his voice is? Start there. Maybe he needs to know that you find his voice sexy? Because it's not really about the words that we hear during sex. It's the body language, the intent of those words, the voice of our husbands saying them....


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> I talk a lot trying to get him to respond, asking him what he likes, sometimes telling him what to say in a playful dominant way. It just doesn't seem like he catches on to how turned on it makes me. Or he just can't focus on two things at once.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have you told him his voice turns you on?

I don't talk a lot unless he encourages it but as I've mentioned before, when I do it tends to take him over the edge lol. Select moments and words have more impact with turning him on than if I launched into full dialogue. It also allows him to continue 'leading' the interaction (because that's how we roll). When he's talking though, I respond with moans and whispers and noises and body language.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

heartsbeating said:


> It does make me curious though, if your husband knows you'd be turned on with a little dirty talk, do you know why he isn't giving this more of a try?


 Heartsbeating , come on now, you are asking ME this, If there is one thing I ain't lacking in this life, it IS expressing myself, my husband knows down to the T what I want, what I crave, what will send me over the moon.. If he doesn't understand how important it is to me, it is only because he doesn't feel that way himself.. it has nothing what so ever to do with a lack of communicating. 

He just doesn't feel comfortable doing it....that's it.... .and when I push for it (which I am clearly guilty of doing from time to time)... he feels like he can't live up to my expectations. So this is not helping matters. 

Sometimes it is so quiet, I start to slowly get annoyed...he can go for an entire hour without saying a word & think nothing of it. Seriously. I mean, I can be the creative flirty force 90% of the time, I can hang with this -really, I am damn good at it, got enough expressive passion for the 2 of us.....AND HE LOVES IT... but ya know, sometimes a girl wants the man to take the lead... start a little flirty talk in bed. I get all manners of "I love you's".... to whine about this makes me likely sound ungrateful to some extent.... I guess some of us women just need something to complain about. 

In his own words (incase you missed this in my 2nd post here) ...... He feels his touch is worth 1,000 words. That was one of his responses to me when I was riding him about more expression in the bedroom. He got me on that one, didn't he!

That's the bottom line. He has even suggested he has some sort of "blockage" there. Ya know, what do I do with that. :scratchhead: 

His fantasies are very tame.... Once a Sex Game card asked this question...he paused couldn't come up with anything....that sorta upset me ... Ya know, I LIKE to talk about this stuff...then he just says I fullfill them all ....Ok, I like that.... but still... I have to pull this stuff out of him... I know He enjoys strippers /dancing/ teasing -even in that -there is no words, it is just the visual- that is the turn on. That is him...he also loves the idea of women coming on TO HIM. I shouldn't say women (or people may judge him.. but ME coming on to him) 

At least he marreid the right type! Even MY fantasies are taking a man down. So there you go - we are a perfect match. 

He is just a quiet lover, I can't change him. It is not like we are going to go a sex therapist over this. 



> Conditioning? Any chance of slight resentment? Is it possibly intimidating/pressure for him? Or maybe it's just not his thing and that's the end of it as far as he's concerned?


 There is no resentment...what little he had, I have went above & beyond to heal...he would say this also. 

He was ALWAYS like this, never a big flirter...even in his teens.. he was the quiet shy guy...Although I am sure many shy men can flirt & flirt quite generously once they open up. He is as OPEN as he can be with me... tremendously sentimental & vulnerable in expressing how much I mean to him in moments that I will carry forever .....I could count a 100 of those... in it's way, this makes up for the "excitable flirtatous flurry" I sometimes wish we had going on under the sheets. 

Tonight he said "I want you baby" in the midst of our time together... he is trying. The worst thing I can possibly do is say to him ...."you said that cause you know I wanted you too".. OMG, there is nothing that would hinder him MORE than a comment like that from me. So that was one agreement we had to make...that I TRUST every single word he says, and not question it. 



> My husband can pin-point the exact thing in his childhood that gave him some conditioning in this regards (not just about dirty-talk, but ya know, having those misguided perceptions). When we met, I was openly talking fantasies with him. We'd role-play and dirty talk somewhat but it felt to me there was that internal "stop" sign holding him back - including not opening up to me about his fantasies. That "stop" sign however was inter-related with the very fantasies that would turn him on. When he realized I didn't think he was a pervert (good old conditioning!) and was actually into his fantasy too... it seemed to help. That acceptance combined with the reset of our relationship, and ourselves, has brought about changes in every aspect.


 I realize this is the normal hang up with most men ...as women can take things so sensitively and might be offended, or even hurt. NOT ME.... It was me who drug him to a Strip club, there is NOTHING he could say to me that would offend me unless he wanted to cross the monogomy line......I know how men are & he is too tame.... in fact there is one thing he did say to me that he wouldn't mind- it would be a turn on....It was a little out there.......but I wouldn't even say it on this forum lest he be judged for it - I wasn't offended.... Nope those are not his issues, I am just as dirty, if not more so. I don't judge those things and he knows this very well, he knows I want to hear all of that, and wished he was MORE like that. 



> Do you compliment his body or what feels good in the moment? It can just be a short sentence, a few words whispered.


 Oh my YES...love doing this, if I stopped doing this, it would likely mean my sex drive is drying up....

I also flirt throughout the day (he does too though)... today we were working on many projects... so many words spoken..... "Screw, nuts, etc" - we were having fun with that....I'd grab him down below & let him know those nuts are mine later .......many times I tell him what I want to do to him (in bed)...very seductively with touch... I build it up real good, he is always smiling... how he makes me feel ...all of it. Yeah, tonight I was going on about doing my Handyman, and getting into his tool box, how I was loving those tools. 

One of the ladies here sent me this commerical a while back and said when she seen it , she thought of me, I laughed, cause yeah.....she has me pegged !

Pearle Vision Commercial - YouTube


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Heartsbeating , come on now, you are asking ME this, If there is one thing I ain't lacking in this life, it IS expressing myself, my husband knows down to the T what I want, what I crave, what will send me over the moon.. If he doesn't understand how important it is to me, it is only because he doesn't feel that way himself.. it has nothing what so ever to do with a lack of communicating.


haha I know THAT! Sorry, didn't mean to imply lack of communication on your part... more the why on his part. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> He just doesn't feel comfortable doing it....that's it.... .and when I push for it (which I am clearly guilty of doing from time to time)... *he feels like he can't live up to my expectations*. So this is not helping matters.


You little tigress you. If you have become confident in this way, it could be somewhat intimidating/pressure for him. Maybe not though. Just a thought.



SimplyAmorous said:


> In his own words (incase you missed this in my 2nd post here) ...... He feels his touch is worth 1,000 words. That was one of his responses to me when I was riding him about more expression in the bedroom. He got me on that one, didn't he!


..but this is more about what turns YOU on, rather than him. For it to compliment what you already have.



SimplyAmorous said:


> *He has even suggested he has some sort of "blockage" there.* Ya know, what do I do with that. :scratchhead:


Yup.

I think all you can do is positive encouragement.

And yes, accept him for the lover he is. I wouldn't suggest a therapist or anything like that lol. Just thinking right along with you, 'tis all, and we both know you have a good man by your side. There's nothing wrong with thinking this out SA. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> *Tonight he said "I want you baby" in the midst of our time together...* he is trying. The worst thing I can possibly do is say to him ...."you said that cause you know I wanted you too".. OMG, there is nothing that would hinder him MORE than a comment like that from me. So that was one agreement we had to make...that I TRUST every single word he says, and not question it.


That's the way!

And even if that thought popped up in your head of him saying it because you want him to, ya know, it's a starting point. And well...you do WANT him to say it lol. Roll with it. :smthumbup: Grab his hair and whisper "I want you too!" puurrrrrfect!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I realize this is the normal hang up with most men ...as women can take things so sensitively and might be offended, or even hurt. NOT ME.... It was me who drug him to a Strip club, there is NOTHING he could say to me that would offend me unless he wanted to cross the monogomy line......I know how men are & he is too tame.... in fact there is one thing he did say to me that he wouldn't mind- it would be a turn on....It was a little out there.......but I wouldn't even say it on this forum lest he be judged for it - I wasn't offended.... Nope those are not his issues, I am just as dirty, if not more so. I don't judge those things and he knows this very well, he knows I want to hear all of that, and wished he was MORE like that.


It's great that you are open..but I do think those "blockages" for lack of better word, are to do with the person first of all, rather than their spouse. Sure, the spouse can help encourage that acceptance and trust but, it first needs the person to recognize their own views of sexuality and push those comfort zones if so desired. It has to start with them being willing to explore that possibility.

Great ad by the way! Very funny lol.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

heartsbeating said:


> Okay I am curious as to why you asked if he'd want to hear you calling out his name when this was about you wanting to hear him?


 I did this because ....I like to torment myself (half kidding)....it was another confirmation that he doesn't care or "gets all hot & bothered" by the things I personally think would be freaking FUN..... He wouldn't care If I ever said his name. In a way it is a shame, I have all this pent up verbal passion to unleash but he would be fine if I was silent the whole damn time. Don't get me wrong, I know he LOVES me the way I am...what he is ...is Spoiled ya know....He knows it too! Dagone him. But even if I was quiet, which I was for 19 very L O N G years, he was totally satisfied with that! (but I was too, go figure) 

All he needs to do is feel our bodies together....the man is terribly Touchy Feely, which I love to the high heavens. I'd take that over anything else anyway! So I am still very very blessed. 

So you see....getting him to flirt like that... at it's roots.....It is really ....just FOR ME....(which is kinda sad when you think about it....freaking bummer)...




> That's the way!
> 
> And even if that thought popped up in your head of him saying it because you want him to, ya know, it's a starting point. Roll with it. Grab his hair and whisper "I want you too!" puurrrrrfect


 Oh yeah, alot of purring going on ...

He was so annoyed with me saying he would say things just cause I wanted him too, I was ready to write up this aggreement to NEVER voice that again .....and this would give him the freedom to speak what he wants to speak without me questioning it >>>That bothered him something furious. 

I told you some of our fights are rediculous !! I haven't wrote up this "flirting agreement" yet, but I just might -for memories sake. :rofl: It is something he needs to not question from me and I need to TRUST every word he may freely speak and just believe he wants to say it . 

It is a good thing we CAN laugh at these things.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

This is easy and without being graphic.....

Tell him what you want him to do to you...but then, ASK him if he wants to do that..

ie,... baby I want you to "xyz"...do you wanna "xyz" me, these, etc..baby?

All he may do initially is just say....uh huh....THIS is where the training begins....you now must tell him to TELL you what hes gonna do.,,, ie, tell me what you're gonna do baby...etc..


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## SA's husband (Apr 9, 2012)

Threetimesalady said:


> ...His problem is he respects you too much to use words that he has been taught are not right...


This is how I feel. I do respect my wife and I feel ignorant when using crude language with the person that I love with all of my heart.


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## Tino28 (Sep 25, 2015)

That's so hot why wouldn't u want ur wife to be verbal in bed..that shows she's into it


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