# Too lose for husband's pleasure?



## misslizzy89 (Mar 14, 2011)

This is pretty embarrasing but I need some help. Since I had my daughter 14 months ago, I have been way too lose to pleasure my husband. I have tried kegal exercises and they do not work at all. I ordered a cream to see if it would help since I am at a loss for what to do. I have injuries down there from a rape also that made me lose prior to having my daughter but back then my husband understood (and it was not as bad). 
Now all he will do is ask for blow jobs and i don't always enjoy giving them. I love the fact that I can still bring him pleasure but I hate the fact that I have to do something that brings me nothing in return (I know that sounds selfish). I have needs too but I can't get them filled. How can I get him to help me out too?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you talked to your doctor? I don't remember how long it took my wife to get back to "normal"... There's surgical options as well, I think. How diligently did you try the Kegels? Have you continued them while you continue trying other options?

C


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## misslizzy89 (Mar 14, 2011)

I have to do kegals as a back exercise everyday and have had to since I was 19 (i am now 22) but it is all to no avail on the sexual aspect.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

misslizzy89 said:


> This is pretty embarrasing but I need some help. Since I had my daughter 14 months ago, I have been way too lose to pleasure my husband. I have tried kegal exercises and they do not work at all. I ordered a cream to see if it would help since I am at a loss for what to do. I have injuries down there from a rape also that made me lose prior to having my daughter but back then my husband understood (and it was not as bad).
> Now all he will do is ask for blow jobs and i don't always enjoy giving them. I love the fact that I can still bring him pleasure but I hate the fact that I have to do something that brings me nothing in return (I know that sounds selfish). I have needs too but I can't get them filled. How can I get him to help me out too?


I believe insurance will pay for injuries to the vagina due to violence and childbirth. This problem should not be embarrassing to you. There is no reason that your husband can not give you oral and bring you to orgasm before you give to him. 

I would talk to him and let him know that the bj will discontinue until he gives to you. This arrangement will result in you not giving him bj eventually because of resentment so fix it ASAP. to the point that you don't get what you need.

There is no reason that you cannot have loving foreplay, affection and he give you oral then you give him. Do you not demand this because you think you are somehow responsible for the misfortune you have had? 

I think you are an admirable woman to have recovered from the past and go on the love get married and have a family. Now you must work on solving this problem in the meantime, don't allow your husband to be selfish. You don't owe him an orgasm without a show of love and affection and satisfaction of your needs.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

We have muscles there, during sex, we can tighten our muscles, and that will make our vagina very tight.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> We have muscles there, during sex, we can tighten our muscles, and that will make our vagina very tight.


That is under true under normal circumstances however, she has had damage due to a rape which was probably violent and childbirth. The muscles are torn and are replaced by scar tissue. 

OP keglas exercises are not working because your muscles are probably damaged and can not be strengthened. Too bad you physician did not share this with you.

There are plastic surgeon that specialize in vaginal repair. Ask your GYN. If they can't give you the name of a specialist then get her husband to help you search the internet to find a specialist. Not all plastic surgeons are proficient so be careful.

Again your husband can't sit back passively, he needs to help you solve this problem by becoming involved in finding the right physician. Accepting bj from you is not right if he is not taking care of you.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

agree wth others kegals should help check with doctors/specialists in this area. I is amazing what they can do with minimal risks today. 

Also agree hubby sounds like he could "take care of you" a little too. After all the second part of the injury happened while bringing his child into this world.


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

Hey misslizzy again. I say you're other post about toys and I think somehow they related? Either way I think trying new positions might help. Also, and this is just me, you might want to try anal.. I'm not sure if you are comfertable with this but it could be a good way for both of you to get pleasure. 

You could use a vibrator for clitoral stimulation while your man is inside your a$$ (sorry if that sounds dirty). Obviouse this couldnt be used all the time but it could be a fun way to change it up. 

Just do some reading up on how to do anal without hurting yourself and remember to take it SLOW at first. 

Beyond that I can only think of getting having a procedure done to close you up.. but that might cause you to lose sensativity and it sounds pretty invasive.. But I guess anal is too lol. Just try some diferent things out first before you jump into having an operation done.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mustang! said:


> Hey misslizzy again. I say you're other post about toys and I think somehow they related? Either way I think trying new positions might help. Also, and this is just me, you might want to try anal.. I'm not sure if you are comfertable with this but it could be a good way for both of you to get pleasure.
> 
> You could use a vibrator for clitoral stimulation while your man is inside your a$$ (sorry if that sounds dirty). Obviouse this couldnt be used all the time but it could be a fun way to change it up.
> 
> ...


I agree with anal sex here. 

While my husband is playing with my asshooo, my pu$$$ is stimulated too, this way, the husband is satisfied, and it can actually make the wife very happy too. 

Have to be totally relaxed!


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

Quick question...

You say you are too loose for your husbands pleasure...
do YOU enjoy intercourse?

Just need a jumping point for any advise


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Mustang! said:


> Hey misslizzy again. I say you're other post about toys and I think somehow they related? Either way I think trying new positions might help. Also, and this is just me, you might want to try anal.. I'm not sure if you are comfertable with this but it could be a good way for both of you to get pleasure.
> 
> You could use a vibrator for clitoral stimulation while your man is inside your a$$ (sorry if that sounds dirty). Obviouse this couldnt be used all the time but it could be a fun way to change it up.
> 
> ...


Believe me, anal sex is no substitution for vaginal sex. Think of it like this, suppose you were asked to have anal sex for the rest of your life and not have your penis touched. Do you see now. If the aim is just to get her husband pleasure then anal sex is a solution but she is the one who needs the satisfaction of feeling the pleasure of vaginal penetration. 

I would not advise anal sex unless you feel a desire for it. To me, a constant diet of anal sex 3 times a week cannot be good for the normal function of the area. It also deflects from a solution for you. Make it your mission and priority to find a solution for the vaginal damage. Don't be overly concerned about your husbands pleasure, he should be as concerned about you as you are of him. He can demonstrate that by helping with a solution for you.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I don't think there are any non medical surgical remedies. Although I've to wonder what on earth those Duggars (19 kids and counting) are doing? Crazy Clue?


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

A normal non-traumatic birth does not do damage. Just makes you a bit sore  Women are very stretchy and can bounce right back with the help of a few kegals. The muscle damage is the problem. I have seen snipets of the duggers and she had pretty easy births if I remember right.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

You could try using Ben Wa balls. They worked for me. Kegals leave me with constant bladder infections


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Craggy456 said:


> You could try using Ben Wa balls. They worked for me. Kegals leave me with constant bladder infections


Ok, I'm a guy. So my knowledge of female anatomy isn't as good as say, 50% of the population (or more). But how do Kegal exercises give you bladder infections?

C


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

I am a female and do not understand how they could be related at all. I have never heard of that... and I have heard some stuff...


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## Silhouette (Mar 8, 2011)

misslizzy89 said:


> I have needs too but I can't get them filled. How can I get him to help me out too?


The next time he asks you for a BJ, could you ask him to go down on you, use his fingers on you, use a toy on you (depending on how you come the easiest)?


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

The reason for the old joke:

"Hey doc, while you're down there, can you take a couple of extra stiches for me?" HA

Ok, seriously. 

Could the problem be that you're not just loose, but that he is too small? HA again

All women do not just bounce back. Especially if an episiotomy is performed and it is not stitched back up correctly and there was extensive tearing. This can cause openings that are too small or openings that are too large.

Kegals won't help this - you can do them until the cows come home.

Please see a doctor to be evaluated properly - while I meant it as a joke above - YOU may not actually be the problem.

Keep us posted and good luck.


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