# Wishing your separated spouse on their birthday



## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

Do you expect your separated spouse to call and wish you on your birthday? 

I did call and wish him on his, which was just recent. He was in tears and said it meant a lot to him. When he came to pick up some stuff, I even gave him a little gift (and I was/am jobless!). But he didn't call on my birthday yesterday. Now I hate him even more! I am not expecting a diamond ring, but a simple call would be nice and the least you can do, I thought. Now I wish I ignored him on his birthday. How graceless can someone be when you were wished (and given a gift!) on your birthday just few weeks back, and you do not bother to call when it is the other person's day.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Well, first Happy Belated Birthday. I think in general, men don't process emotional matter of the heart the same as women do. To them it may seem like an olive branch to things they don't want to deal with at this time. My H did not call for mine....and I damn sure didn't call for his ;o)


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## lost_&_trying (Apr 4, 2011)

From the other side, my birthday was mid-june and I heard from everyone in my wife's family. B-day wishes from all. All except for my wife. Our anniversary was just days before and she had sent a 'thinking of you' card which, to me, was just something to maybe appease her guilt of leaving. It really hurt deep that she didn't even say hello, seeing as we always did have fun on each other's birthdays throughout our 9yr marriage. She has completely erased me from her life b/c of how much 'fun' and 'freedom' she's having now.


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## MyTwoGirls (May 31, 2011)

Lost & Trying it amazes me how someone can move on so quickly after leaving, it makes me think my marriage of 17yrs was just a sham considering all the history that was built in it..I used to think it was because of how much 'fun' and 'freedom' she now enjoys but I now do not think of it that way since that is what was keeping me down in the dumps...I only wish I could move on as quickly as she but all I can do is forgive her for my own sanity.


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## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

hesnothappy said:


> Well, first Happy Belated Birthday. I think in general, men don't process emotional matter of the heart the same as women do. To them it may seem like an olive branch to things they don't want to deal with at this time. My H did not call for mine....and I damn sure didn't call for his ;o)


Never thought of it that way, but it makes sense to me. He does not think of it the same way I do.


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## StartingAgain (Jun 29, 2011)

When father's day came around, I bought my STBXH his favorite, just released video game, even left work early to obtain it.

I offered it to my daughters to give to him from themselves on the night he was picking them up from dinner (the same date it was also released after a several year wait).

I heard later from them, he was very excited to get it and gave them lots of praise and thanks. But he never acknowleged that a. I was the one who had to go get it or b. I was the one who knew it would be something he wanted.

When we were living together, but knowing separation was coming, I used to get SOOOOO frustrated that he wouldn't say good morning to me, or good night, or any of the other cordial things people would do when they don't despise each other. I always saw this as an obstacle for us possibly reconciling, that we couldn't even manage the simple things.

My counselor told me, many times. Don't do things simply because you expect them in return. Do them, because you mean it. Say hello, say good morning, say happy birthday. If you don't get it back in return, its not YOU. Its them. Don't let it affect how you feel about yourself. Just give without expecation.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Happy Birthday, darling. Here is some SPF 1million sunblock for you to take with you to hell.

And remember, true evil is ageless. You look fabulous!


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## Giulietta (Apr 21, 2011)

Well my husband who dumped and kicked me out me seems to be cordial in that regard. He rang the day before, sent a text first thing in the morning and rang a bit later again. I think he's just being nice though, not an indication of reconciliation.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

My H sent me a text on my bday. No phone call. No card. Nothing.
I really wasn't expecting anything anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## goodmom72 (Jul 20, 2011)

It is almost 5 months since I have separated from my husband. 
Sometimes I think chances of reconciling are high while most times I think I could never be happy with him again. I am still very confused. Anyway, his birthday is next week and I was wondering if it is a good idea to wish him via SMS.


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

I wouldn't assume he would go from tears to being ambivalent. Men handle things differently. Maybe he's thinking about things and the day truly passed him by. Maybe he didn't know what to do. For men, it can be a pride thing. They don't want to seem like they've lessened their self-esteem by reaching out if it's for nothing. It can be humiliating. My advice is to not jump to conclusions; which you seem to have.

FWIW, my stbx often didn't get me anything for birthdays or anniversaries even before she left.


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