# How long should I wait



## is it me? (Oct 24, 2007)

My wife and I had the worst argument in our 6 year marriage this past week. We have in the recent past month or so mentioned the "D" word, but it was mostly in the heat of the moment, but everytime we cried and told eachother that we wanted this marriage to work and expect to be together no matter what, and we can always work things out. 

This last argument though actually involved talking about custody of our child, her business (either selling or giving me half of the assets in cash) which I funded from day one and work for free doing odd jobs, fixing floors, changing light bulbs, mr. fixit basically. We also discussed our house and what would be done. I even picked up an apt. finders magazine. So it was pretty serious stuff. 

We later calmed down, but there is still that akwardness. I have expressed to her that I want to keep trying, no matter what. I asked her if she is giving up or wants to continue trying and she says she is confused and doesnt know what she wants to do. My crazy wondering mind is thinking she is stalling and making plans on getting out and just leading me on, till she figures the best way out and how to get our child, screw me out of the business, etc. How many days should I give her to ask the question again if she willing to work at things or should she be the one and tell me since I have already asked? 

Since the argument I have been trying so hard to be nice and respectful, not that I wasnt in the past, but I am tryin to show her that I dont want to let go. She is still stand-offish and been very short with me. I've cuddled with her in bed by putting my arm around her and she just lays there and gives me no affection back. So again my crazy mind says if this continues for the rest of the week then I am going to say F it and I will end things. Is this right or wrong?


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## tater03 (Jun 29, 2007)

I personally would not just end it. I would bring it up again and tell her that you know that she is still upset. I would explain that you can feel the tension between you both and that you really want the best for both of you and that you feel that it is being with her and what are her thought on that. Not knowing exactly what the arguement was about she could just still be hurt and upset.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

is it me? said:


> . I asked her if she is giving up or wants to continue trying and she says she is confused and doesnt know what she wants to do.


This normally takes about a week to get back to normal.

draconis


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## Cindy (May 10, 2008)

You have to keep talking about it. Keep the communication lines open. You may have hit a nerve in the argument or the whole discussion probably made her feel rejected so she wants to reject you back. 

My husband and I had a very honest argument and agreed that we didn't love each other anymore but if we ever got divorced, we would live in a duplex and still be friends. The conversation made me feel a little rejected since I felt up to that point, the only thing I've ever really relied on was his love for me and here he was telling me he didn't anymore. I wasn't really justified in feeling rejected since I told him I felt the same way. We just kept talking about it until I felt better (took a day or two) and the we had make up sex (which was really passionate). 

Just hang in there, I feel your arguments are normal. I look at those types of arguments or discussions as a growing pains in marriage. 

I would check with her to see if you hurt her feelings somehow. She may feel like she has no right to have her feelings hurt since, after all you guys were just being honest, so she can't really say, "hey you hurt my feelings" so she's trying to get over it and yet the feelings are still hurt and you want to cuddle but her heart's just not into it, etc, etc, etc....

Ya know, I could still be way off too....


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