# Is a decrease in sex drive normal after pregnancy?



## simple_girl (Mar 24, 2010)

I have another post in the Men's Lounge, but I was wondering if any other women have experienced this. My H and I just had our second child and I got my tubes tied this time. Ever since the baby came, H has not been wanting to have sex with me. I tried talking with him about it and he does not really have an answer for me. He just said that he was not in the mood right now. He says this every time I initiate. I know its not my weight or my attitude, but I wonder if it could be because I got my tubes tied. I also wonder if it could be because I had to have a c-section. I asked him if that could be it and he says: "I don't know." I found some porn and a subscription to a cam to cam site, but nothing conclusive. I am starting to feel neglected and left out in the cold. I just went through a major surgery to bring our baby into the world and because of the lack of intimacy, I am starting to feel as if I am chopped liver. Have any other women gone through something similar?
Any thoughts/advice would be appreciated.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I never had this issue with any of my C-sections. After the 2nd - came home, was supposed to wait 6 weeks for sex, didnt feel like waiting that long - husband was happy & got pregnant again 3 weeks after giving birth. 

But it makes sense that some men may view the whole giving birth experience differently. I know my body sure didn't look that great at the time - we just kept the lights out. It took me a couple months to get myself back to my normal weight. 

Give it some time, but him looking stuff up on a paying Cam sight does not sound good. He should not be doing this, and I hope you and him can work this out, I would find that very hurtful & disrespectful - while you are left "wanting" him & the sole initiator. 

I doubt the tubes being tied has anything to do with it, that should be a more "inviting" part of sex, without the worry of another pregnancy. Unless he is upset , preferring you did not get them tied & you went ahead & did it anyway ?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

SimplyAmorous said:


> But it makes sense that some men may view the whole giving birth experience differently. *I know my body sure didn't look that great at the time - we just kept the lights out.* It took me a couple months to get myself back to my normal weight.
> 
> *Give it some time, but him looking stuff up on a paying Cam sight does not sound good. * He should not be doing this, and I hope you and him can work this out, I would find that very hurtful & disrespectful - while you are left "wanting" him & the sole initiator.
> 
> I doubt the tubes being tied has anything to do with it, that *should be a more "inviting" part of sex,* without the worry of another pregnancy. Unless he is upset , preferring you did not get them tied & you went ahead & did it anyway ?


Good point about the cam - I kind of glossed over that part. Like most men, I like porn, but I've never paid to see anything real or live like that - never anything that was interactive.

And totally agree that being "fixed" and not having to worry about birth control/protection made things more inviting.

Wanted to emphasize that it wasn't the baby weight or that I found my wife unattractive - it was more of a psychological thing. It wasn't the change in the "form", but the change in the "function."

Even with the lights out, knowing that her breasts were now full of milk and very tender just threw things off a bit - but maybe its just me.


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## simple_girl (Mar 24, 2010)

I apologize in advance, might be a little TMI on my part.
Well, it has been about 4 months since we had the baby. We have had sex 2 times since the Dr. gave me the okay to resume normal activities. Both times it was like watching paint dry. I felt awful and for the first time in our relationship, insecure about my body. I have been working out, lost almost all of the baby weight and have not gotten one iota of validation. I asked if he still thought I was sexy and he says yeah and thats it. We had a date night a couple months after the baby was born. I even went out and got sum candles, a corset, stockings, new heels, the whole nine and it was really bad. We had dinner (that was great) we talked, had some drinks and when it came to the sex, he seemed not interested. It was over too quickly and left me in the cold so to speak. Now, every other aspect of our relationship goes smoothly. He is a wonderful father, does anything and everything I ask without complaint. We talk about everything and he does not seem to think there is anything wrong. Our sex life prior to the pregnancy was out of this world. Now it seems as though it is getting luke warm at best. Is there anything I can do to get his attention? I have tried to talk with him about it and he thinks it just a 'phase' I really hope so, but in the mean time I'm ready to go and suffering. Any suggestions?


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

Yikes! that does sound strange. I don't think it's abnormal for both people's sex drive to decline after pregnancy, childbirth and all the sleeplessness of a new baby - but usually it's the woman. How's he handling the new baby? Is he up at night a lot? Is he anxious about the growth of your family?

Maybe he's got you hooked on a madonna/***** thing (madonna phase right now). I would test that out and just throw him for a loop. Buy some naughty outfits and surprised him with that and some BJ's (no pressure for him to perform). It might bring you back into "naughty girl" status and snap him out of his "that's the mother of my children" thinking.


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## simple_girl (Mar 24, 2010)

MsLady said:


> Yikes! that does sound strange. I don't think it's abnormal for both people's sex drive to decline after pregnancy, childbirth and all the sleeplessness of a new baby - but usually it's the woman. How's he handling the new baby? Is he up at night a lot? Is he anxious about the growth of your family?


He did do a lot of the overnight feedings/changes for the first week after the surgery. I usually stay up at night with her though since I breastfeed. He always asks me if I need a break from the baby, he is more than happy to take over and coddle her for a while and let me rest whether its at night or during the day/evening. He does have a few concerns about being able to afford to take care of everyone and he is the only breadwinner right now.


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