# Letting her know...



## SquareCircle (Dec 13, 2012)

I want to start off stating that I'm not proud of my actions. Not proud of the things that I've said and done. I've screwed up a lot over the years. My wife finally had enough and moved out a year ago tomorrow. She has been begging, pleading with me to just try. Try to fix things, to fix her. I have broken her down over the years with the things that I've said and done. 

She has given me chance after chance after chance. I have thrown them all away thinking there will be another one, not realizing how much I've actually broken things with her further each time. 

I don't deserve a woman like this, but I am thankful that she's still in my life. She deserves way better than me, that's for sure. If I can actually manage to pull my head out of my ass long enough to make this chance count, I will be the luckiest man in the world. I am not throwing this chance away. 

She has given me this website probably four months ago. I haven't logged on or looked at anything since December. I've looked around a little tonight and see that I am not the only asshat out there. It's good to see that the cheaters and those that have been cheated on being able to be on the same forum and have the support and help they need. 

I want my wife to know that I love her very much. I am not throwing this chance away. You are my world. I'm nothing without you. I am going to be your protector again. I will fix you. I am tired of you crying because of me. I'm the only one that can change that and I will do it. I will do it all right now. No more bs excuses. You are my #1 priority. No more lies. No more cheating. No more hurt. Your pain needs to go away, and I'm the one that will do that for you. 

I love you baby!!!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Are you in therapy?


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

First of all, you will NOT fix her. Let that go. You can only fix YOU.


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## ALWAYS TRYING (Mar 2, 2013)

Wow. Did you give this to her? I am also going to assume that she is on here. And has gotten lots of help and support. 

I would love such a letter from my hubby, time will tell. You still have lots of work to get through but I think your on your way. Keep moving forward.


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## SquareCircle (Dec 13, 2012)

Conrad - why do you ask? I know, I need to be. 

HappyKaty - She has said that I broke her, I'm the only one that can fix her. I have to at least try. 

ALWAYS TRYING - This is for her. Yes, she's on here. I have no idea what her screen name is, but she's here. I don't know how much she's posted, but she reads a lot and sends me several links to read through. And, thank you. She's worth it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

SquareCircle said:


> Conrad - why do you ask? I know, I need to be.
> 
> HappyKaty - She has said that I broke her, I'm the only one that can fix her. I have to at least try.
> 
> ...


I ask because you have strong codependent issues to resolve.


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## SquareCircle (Dec 13, 2012)

Funny you should say that. She sent me a link about codependency the other day. I agree with you, completely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

SquareCircle said:


> Funny you should say that. She sent me a link about codependency the other day. I agree with you, completely.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get a counselor as soon as you can.

Make sure it's a counselor that challenges you.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You fix YOU. You cannot fix her, no matter what she says. She has to do that on her own.

So you work on your issues and she needs to work on her issues (because we all have them).


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Codependancy is a strong word. He doesn't sound like he's narcissistic or manipulative. He just sounds like he didn't care.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I am not narcissistic or manipulative, at least I don't believe so. I do consider myself to have many Codependency traits to work on.

I see many of them in the little SquareCircle has posted so far.

So hi SC, it's going to be hard to help without the details being given but it's great to see you here and trying to work at things if you are genuine. 

First thing you need to do though is let go of the idea of fixing her hurt. Sorry but I see no way to do that. You cannot force emotion on someone and you cannot force them to forgive you.

Any effort you send that way will be wasted. Believe me I spent long enough chasing that rainbow. What you need to do is go 100% at resolving YOUR issues. That will leave your relationship with her where ever it leaves it. The important person here for you, is you. She may need to do her own work too but that is hers to own, not yours.

Another thing and I apologise if this comes across as harsh, but why are you really here? Words are easy and mean nothing.

Really I mean. Not what are you trying to show her by coming here, but what do you see you getting for yourself here?


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## SquareCircle (Dec 13, 2012)

We are aware that we each have our issues, which we are both working on currently. I believe that she is the codependent and I am the enabler. She always puts me before her, her needs, her wants and I let her. 

The way I explained things isn't exactly correct. I broke our relationship and the trust. That is what I'm working on fixing, the trust. So, no matter how it turns out, at least we have that. 

K.C. - not harsh at all. Completely understandable. Yes, words are easy and mean nothing. Actions mean more. This is my action. Looking around this site and seeing what people are going through. Seeing what has caused them pain and what they need to get thru it. What helps them heal. Maybe I can take parts of that and do what I need to do to make things right.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

So long as you are here in earnest and not just to score points. 

This is a remarkable place and i wish I had found it years ago before it was too late for my marriage. Fortunately it's not too late for me though.

The best way to get support and advice here is be totally honest about your failings and situation. I hope you get what you need from your stay here.


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