# I know I am going to be slammed but I need to vent



## jelly_bean (Sep 23, 2014)

So my husband had an EA with one of our employees. It has been a long process of trying to decide how to cope. Basically I moved out in December. I decided to not expose the OW to her spouse. Now comes the part where you can all slam me 

I decided with help from my therapist to just let go of all the anger. I started feeling so much better. I got my focus back, started sleeping better, and was coming out of the dark. Now the part that is weird I started befriending the OW. I started attending social functions that my company paid for and we even went to counselling together. Since I got my life together now my WS wants me back. I have been letting him back on my life just a little bit.

Then last night happened, our business was awarded a big achievement mostly due to the work done by the OW. To celebrate we went to a resort town nearby with a few of the other staff. It was all women so I came along as I had to pay the bill. Needless to say a lot of drinking occurred. The OW, and one other lady were sharing a suite. Short story is I woke up in the middle of the night to go bathroom and found her screwing some guy. She never saw me and I scooted back to the room.

Needless to say I triggered like crazy. After seeing her behaviour I instantly went to a dark place, like no way they only had an EA. Then the guilt about her husband, now I know two times she has done this. I come home and asked my WS if he was telling me the truth. He swears he is. I then asked if he has had any type of sexual behaviour with anybody else beside her and the recent ex girlfriend in the 12 years we have been together. His answer seemed off, his tone of voice was off. When I asked him about taking a lie detector he said no. Then got mad at me and said he had enough of my emotional issues and whether or not he can start dating again. 

I didn't tell him about the OW and the man. Am I just projecting her cheating behaviour on him? Either way his reaction was completely wrong correct?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jelly_bean said:


> So my husband had an EA with one of our employees. It has been a long process of trying to decide how to cope. Basically I moved out in December. I decided to not expose the OW to her spouse. Now comes the part where you can all slam me
> 
> I decided with help from my therapist to just let go of all the anger. I started feeling so much better. I got my focus back, started sleeping better, and was coming out of the dark. Now the part that is weird I started befriending the OW. I started attending social functions that my company paid for and we even went to counselling together. Since I got my life together now my WS wants me back. I have been letting him back on my life just a little bit.
> 
> ...


Your husband is lying. Dump him. Oh, and tell him that you walked in on his girlfriend f*cking some other guy.

Then tell her husband as well.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

First of all take her unusual name out of the last paragraph. 

Second. Lie detector test or forget it because he is obviously lying

He is busted and does not deserve you back. 

This is why he shouldn't $hit where he eats. 

What a mess being in business with your husband and the OW. 

I suppose starting your own business without either of htem is out of the question?

Lastly, tell her husband< I see no respectable reason not to. Follow that with an apology for not telling him the first time that you know of.


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## Daniel. (Jan 14, 2015)

jelly_bean said:


> Then got mad at me and said he had enough of my emotional issues and whether or not he can start dating again.


This alone should be a good reason enough to divorce, he doesn't care about the problem that he brought upon you and had the gall if he can start dating again. WTF ?? If he was remorseful he wouldn't do this, no responsibility+no remorse+no effort= Divorce.

I think he's lying, they probably had sex. 

And yes, tell her husband !


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

YupItsMe said:


> First of all take her unusual name out of the last paragraph.


Thanks for catching that.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Ahh so not telling the OW's husband meant..

a) Your husband had no consequences and summarily got back into your life
b)You and her still work together and you got to see her screwing someone else.

So the question is are you going to tell the husband?


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## SasZ79 (Mar 14, 2015)

Expose her to the husband.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

jelly_bean said:


> After seeing her behaviour I instantly went to a dark place, like no way they only had an EA. Then the guilt about her husband, now I know two times she has done this.


I feel so sorry for the OWH, his WW spreads her legs for just about any man. Of course she banged your WH. Who knows how many times she has cheated. I hope you got yourself tested for STDs.

And your WH is completely unremorseful. You moved out in December, then you don't even know if he's even done banging the office slvt.


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## leon1 (Sep 3, 2014)

You know shes a serial cheater ,you have the power to stop her fun and games ,so tell her husband .Unless your husband proves there is nothing going on you cant get back with him , id make sure if any jobs been lost in the company that the ow would be on the list .


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

jelly_bean said:


> . Then got mad at me and said he had enough of my emotional issues and whether or not he can start dating again.


He's obviously lying to you on so many levels. There's little doubt he's having sex with her and maybe other women as well, he knows it, you know it, we all know it.

I don't get the part about whether or not he can start dating again. Did he forget you're .. um.. married?

That doesn't seem to matter to him.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Sounds like he is using his anger to deflect. When someone feels cornered, even though it is highly likely that he is guilty of more, he will lash out. Some people have issue with listening to their flaws.

I think you are stuck. You love him, and yet you cannot trust him. Are you having trouble reconciling the two people as he represents himself to be? That can be confusing for anyone. Sounds like your stuck in this cycle. If you had only more proof, and what you do know, you are unsure of. I suggest you analyze the pattern of his behavior instead. Even though you love him, he is not the type of person that you can be in the relationship you want. I haven't been here long, but your marriage seems like it is stuck in limbo. It is better to make a decision so you can move on with life. Any mistakes you make, just learn from it and move on. Wisdom is all about learning.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think you can tell from the uniformity of the response that you should tell this woman's husband. You would want to know (and you do want to know, don't you?), so you should do the humane and decent thing and tell him.

Your WH and this OW are busy torquing around other people's lives with their lies. She is lying to her BH and he is definitely lying to you. You can stop them from continuing to run and ruin your life by 1) telling the OWH, and 2) telling your lying WH that reconciliation is off the table.

You took some affirmative steps for yourself earlier and you felt better. Do that again.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Wait, so she is your employee?

You risk sexual harassment charges by telling her H. Your H could well be construed as an "agent" representative of your authority in your business. Telling her H puts your business at risk.

Just a thought.


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## jelly_bean (Sep 23, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Wait, so she is your employee?
> 
> You risk sexual harassment charges by telling her H. Your H could well be construed as an "agent" representative of your authority in your business. Telling her H puts your business at risk.
> 
> Just a thought.


That was the only reason I didn't expose my WS affair with her and my hands are ties for firing her.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

jelly_bean said:


> That was the only reason I didn't expose my WS affair with her and my hands are ties for firing her.


So this vvhore has free rein to destroy your marriage and your business because you might lose some money.

I Just looked up the definition of sexual harassment on the EEOC website and I believe you are incorrect by definition. 

I also believe you have taken this whole thing way too lightly. 

Do none of you have any boundaries you do not allow others to cross? 

At the point you become an enabler you are an active participant.

Call a good employment attorney and get this t ramp out of your business and marriage and then dump your husband and split your company or start your own. 

There is more to life than business profits and it's starts with self-respect which comes from taking prudent action when warranted

Please do something, Being passive in this situation is pathetic and so is befriending your home wrecker while she bangs your business associates

Good grief. It's time to be pi$$ed


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your H---DOES NOT---get to get mad at you, make demands, or anything else----he is the CHEATER----he should be down on his knees begging for the greatest gift he will ever receive----A SECOND CHANCE

You have to take control of this ballgame, in all way/shape/form----whatever happens---IT IS TO BE PLAYED BY YOUR RULES

Your H---is to answer what you need to have answered, and do whatever else you deem necessary---as long as you are not abusive-------if he does not comply---then tell him----D IS ON THE TABLE, IMMEDIATELY


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

YupItsMe said:


> So this vvhore has free rein to destroy your marriage and your business because you might lose some money.
> 
> I Just looked up the definition of sexual harassment on the EEOC website and I believe you are incorrect by definition.
> 
> ...


Unless I'm confusing jelly_bean's story with someone else's, she's in the process of selling the business, and is willing to endure the temporary discomfort of dealing with OW still being an employee to facilitate a smooth sale, rather than driving off potential buyers with the cloud of a former employee suing (and all of the exposed drama that such actions would entail) hanging over the business.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Sounds to me like keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Wasn't that the objective really all along? Dump them both and find good people to fill your life with


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Divorce his sorry buttt and, if you can, sell your share of the business. That would be the fastest and easiest way to extricate yourself from this whole fiasco.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Rug sweeping was rewarding you until reality hit home. So sorry OP.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> I decided with help from my therapist to just let go of all the anger. I started feeling so much better. I got my focus back, started sleeping better, and was coming out of the dark.


Given how the rest of your story rolls, this is a good reason why people should look for closure /resolution before they start "forgiving" the interlopers.


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## jelly_bean (Sep 23, 2014)

I love the post about being confused about the two personalities he can be. One of a charming, loving father who makes me feel sexy and special and then the man who lies, manipulates, is so self centered it makes you want to scream.

I am trying to sell the business and in the mean time I am now trying to transition as much as I can to others to get my involvement minimized. I no longer protect him, when somebody asks I tell them we are separated I tell them cause he cheated on me. That infuriates him but I refuse to be the bad guy anymore.

It is a dangerous line to walk as he can get very angry and although he has never hit me he does get close and throws things at me. I called the police in December when he did this. I definitely have fear of his reactions.

I need to figure out how to not care if I have upset him. My co-dependency always comes out. I am a planner so I think I just need a escape plan. 

As for the OW and my new dilemma, I have not figured out how to proceed. I of course told my WS and he thinks I should not say anything, shocking. I think I will go see my therapist on this one. I appreciate all the feedback and support.


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## leon1 (Sep 3, 2014)

Maybe you can out her anonymously to her husband , she doesnt know you seen her with that other man, so she cant tie it back to you .


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## imjustwatching (Jul 8, 2014)

tell her husband


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