# Something I wonder from others



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

When I was married I owned a home with the ex. Now that I'm divorced I'm living in a nice two bedroom with my girlfriend and we gave my kids part time. I struggle with feeling like if I never own a home again I'm a failure.

My gf has said many times she would be ok if she never owned a home again. Neither of us are the handiest of people, it's nice to not worry about that. With our schedules we don't have time for the keep up of a house.

I just wonder what others think. Am I just being too hard on myself? What are others views on the owning a home question?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> When I was married I owned a home with the ex. Now that I'm divorced I'm living in a nice two bedroom with my girlfriend and we gave my kids part time. I struggle with feeling like if I never own a home again I'm a failure.
> 
> My gf has said many times she would be ok if she never owned a home again. Neither of us are the handiest of people, it's nice to not worry about that. With our schedules we don't have time for the keep up of a house.
> 
> I just wonder what others think. Am I just being too hard on myself? What are others views on the owning a home question?


Proud I have owned three houses. I now live in a condo,and I love it. No yard work, I can decorate and paint the way I want. The landlord stops by with a new AC filter each month and doesn't care if I do my own repairs (as long as I don't knock out any walls). I have good neighbors...I really like it. I don't feel like anyone is looking down on me.

Glad to see you are with a new woman. I hope that two-timing ex of yours came down with a really bad STD....


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

I am refinancing my home this week. I would have been content to go back to apartment living (no lawn mowing!), or even buying a condo or townhouse. A house is just another place to live, it is the people that make it a home. I've had apartments that felt more like a home than my house did over the last 4 years of my marriage.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I lost my home to my ex, but I kept my cash machines, so meh

I don't see how one is a failure when he doesn't own a home


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

That's just an each to there own type of thing. If you want a home you work toward that goal, if you don't want one then you're free not to worry about it. It in no way makes you a loser, stop thinking that way. There's certainly pros and cons either way, others can't judge what's best for you and yours. 

For me personally I like my space, my house is 600' off the road and it's a nice little piece of the world for me. It's the same house I lived in when I was married, I just had to buy it twice. lol


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

GIGS has applicability way beyond just relationships. I've owned my own home for the past 22 years, and daydream about how nice it would be not to have the headaches that go along with it. It's always something, and frankly most of the time I'd rather be doing something else.

Nothing to feel badly about at all. Generally, it's me envying folks like you. Except for the fact that I can only see one neighbor's house from mine. That would be tough to give up.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's different for everyone. Some like owning and some like renting. It's a preference.

I own and enjoy that. I know some people who rent and are perfectly content that way. 

It's all about what you like/want.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

proudwidaddy said:


> When I was married I owned a home with the ex. Now that I'm divorced I'm living in a nice two bedroom with my girlfriend and we gave my kids part time. I struggle with feeling like if I never own a home again I'm a failure.
> 
> My gf has said many times she would be ok if she never owned a home again. Neither of us are the handiest of people, it's nice to not worry about that. With our schedules we don't have time for the keep up of a house.
> 
> I just wonder what others think. Am I just being too hard on myself? What are others views on the owning a home question?


I owned a home. I do not ever want to own a home again.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

I've owned two homes and just sold one. I am ok with never owning again...maybe. The nice thing about owning is that you can make it yours without worrying about the lease being up. So, if I ever decide to settle anywhere longer than 4 years, then maybe I will buy.

But not a house. A townhome would be perfect.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I have owned several houses, and each time felt an enormous amount of self-satisfaction about having "arrived" and succeeded when I moved in to each of those homes. Boy oh boy was I wrong... a cheatng wife really makes a man re-think his priorities.

Now, I live in a rented apartment and over the past couple years have grown to really loving it and the freedom it affords me. My bachelor pad with a bedroom for my son on weekends, enough room but not so much space that it feels empty. If I decide I don't like something about it, from location to neighbors to price when my lease is up I pack up and move. I don't shovel in the winter nor cut the grass in winter, which were things I really used to enjoy doing when I was married but will never waste my time doing again and do not miss one bit. All repairs I handle are inside and minor and I am fine with that.

I remember when my first marriage ended, right after we'd built my dream home and more than I ever thought I could afford, sitting in this brand new house with all someone could ask for in it, a pool, top notch appliances, etc. and just wailing over the fact I was no longer going to be able to afford it on my own, and even if I could it was far too much space for one single person... I should have learned my lesson the first time. The only thing I miss is a garage for my motorcycle.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I like owning, mostly because I like the idea that in 30 years I won't have a rent payment.

But I wouldn't feel like a failure if I was renting. It's not THAT big of a deal. All the time you save not having to fix things or worry about stuff you can spend on other things.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Like many have said it can be tough.. 

Since you have owned and are now renting you know the draw backs of both.. 

If you have a good landlord then its not an issue, but if your landlord keeps raising you 100 dollars each year it can be tough.

But when your boiler cracks and your sewer main collapses within 10 months of each other spending 20k to fix these items can be a pain in the backside. Renters don't have those issues, of course you will get rent increase more then likely. 

Personally I have 2 tenants and have only raised one tenant once in 7 years and other once in 3 years. That was when my Ex wife left and lost her income. As a landlord I understand and realize the value of a good tenant and getting paid rent on time. It makes no sense in charging a price if every other person I get will be struggling to pay the rent every other month. 

Most people live paycheck to paycheck or maybe might be a month away from being homeless. 

My point is a fine line between a fair rent and not giving it away. I am about 100 dollars less then the average apartment around here and my apartments are pretty new and fully redone. But I never had an issue with a tenant and my last tenants moved out only to go to old age homes. They where here for over 30 years and where here when my mom bought the house in 1975. 

Again though pulling 20k out in a pension loan hurt me.

I would consider a condo though if you could. A mix of both worlds which I see many are happy with.

I do get though paying off someone else's mortgage is a bit annoying.


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

I completely understand where you are coming from, Proud. I'm closing on my home next week and have lived in an apartment for 3 years now. I know most people don't like the maintenance and yard work but that is the part of living in a home that I really enjoy. I can't wait to mow the damn lawn and start finishing the basement. I also grew up on a big farm and am use to my space. 

I think the condo route is a pretty interesting choice.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I now own a home on my own, and while it is a great source of pride, I am TERRIFIED of something big breaking down/going wrong! I cant just call maintenance any more!


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Buying a house was heavy on my mind once I was kicked out of my home. 

I've been divorced almost a year now and have saved almost enough to make a nice down payment. 

A couple of months ago my kids called and said moms AC went out a couple of days ago. They said they were hot and wished they could come stay with me. 

I'm starting to change my mind about this house thing. 

Sure, I miss working in the yard, tinkering in the garage and grilling out back on weekends. On reflection, doing those things got me out of the house and away from the lying, cheating, angry, bitter wife. 

I love this apartment. 

I mean, look at this view of the sunset over the golf course.
View attachment 26730


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

The culture in which I was raised values home, and land, ownership. That seems to be my natural inclination as well. My ex-husband and I rented a home for about 4 years when we first married, but the only time either of us - or anyone else we know locally, really - ever lived in an apartment was during college. There are no apartments here that aren't low-income, and no townhomes or condos at all. Even more appalling, the rent on a single-family home in a decent location (if you can find one to rent at all) is generally more than a mortgage payment on a similar home would be. 

So, when I divorced and it was determined that my ex-husband would keep the house, I bought a new-to-me house of my own. I like owning. My mortgage payment is manageable, I'm fairly handy, know plenty of reputable contractors to handle stuff I can't DIY, and I like that I can do anything I want to the house without worrying about what the landlord will think. 

I don't, however, think there's anything wrong with renting. It's just not a practical option in my area and not my personal preference for my situation.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

My strong preference for renting was re-confirmed tonight. I have an ugly burn from the water heater exhaust and the broken air conditioner valve got gross stinky water all over my face. The only saving grace was that we were able to get in touch with my parents' handyman before I had to get up on the roof. I am about the farthest thing from handy, but at least it's safer for me to be screwing around with this sh!t than it is for my mother. I love my parents and I'm glad to visit and help out, but this is stuff I hate dealing with!


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Home ownership isn't all it is cracked up to be. If the market is right maybe you can dive in sometime but owning a home to own a home isn't always smart. Blair


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

One thing , if your in the states isn't it the cheapest time ever to buy this last few yrs.

Anyway , we moved and traveled for yrs and didn't own a home. l felt like a real loser and when we moved to this area l felt crazy wanting to get started. l put so much pressure on myself and poor ex. lt was mad. We had a beautiful rental and views, l shoulda just chilled and enjoyed our life until things fell into shape.

4yrs later though , we finally got something , meantime l was in such a panic l bought this cheap country block to, thinking l'd build it up.
The house we bought was a run down on an ac, reno job. That's what we wanted but we were so stressed out thanks to my panicking getting there , it all just put even more stress on us.
There was much more to it but we split 18mths in - hu , that'd be fkg right , after all that.
Well we decided l stay on at the house, it was to much work for ex alone. Damn depressing but 18mths later l had it tidy enough to sell. lt settled a mth back and l'm in a rental with lake view now back over on the coast.
And l tell you what , like the others , it's so damn nice to not have the worries for awhile . l feel 500 pounds lighter . l'm even thinking l might even just rent now for yrs. Got a 12mth lease and l'm starting to hope they'll want me to stay on after that .
No 70ft cypress to worry about in storms, nothing to fix or renovate , no responsibility for the property. lt's so damn nice after all that.

We've still got those cheapo country blocks and l can't even be bothered thinking about them l'm just enjoying renting too much. They aren't worth much , even if we can sell them and because of the D split , didn't get much out of the house.
But l don't care right now. Might just enjoy this new sitch for awhile :smthumbup:


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

I'm sick over losing my house. I grew up with a single mom who always rented and I saw being able to own my own home as a real accomplishment. I bought my first home when I was a single mom. My stbxh and I used the equity from that home to buy the one we just lost do to him saying he wanted a divorce. I'm sick over it. There is no equity as the mortgage was upside down. I'm 44. I've had to file for bankruptcy due to the divorce. By the time I could save up enough to buy a house I will probably be 50. And then, is it worth it?


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> I'm sick over losing my house. I grew up with a single mom who always rented and I saw being able to own my own home as a real accomplishment. I bought my first home when I was a single mom. My stbxh and I used the equity from that home to buy the one we just lost do to him saying he wanted a divorce. I'm sick over it. There is no equity as the mortgage was upside down. I'm 44. I've had to file for bankruptcy due to the divorce. By the time I could save up enough to buy a house I will probably be 50. And then, is it worth it?



Yeah in all honesty , l was sick over everything to for 12 mths. See we had a plan and when we finished the 1ac house , we'd be home free. We went through so much to get it and set all that up , we'd have 300k equity in it , we'd still have the country blocks , even an in house separation. 1 for us and 2 for the money while we finished it. All l had at 48 but it was a good plan and early 50's we'd be laughing. Now l'll be starting a whole new mortgage at that age , makes me sick if l think about it but on the other hand l feel pretty chilled to now. l like that part.
So with all this and splitting what we did get , could be yrs. what to do with the blocks , probably can't sell them , banks won't use them for equity , too country . But l do feel much more chilled about it all now in the rental . l use to hate renting.

But hey , 50s is fine to buy a house anyway. My older sisters 59 and she just moved across state and bought her first home , she loves it .
Don't be too hard on yourself and don't panic and let it wreck your life like l did.
Even if it is that long it'll be ok . Even wait for the ultimate bargain to come up and cut your mortgage in 1/2 anyway . That's what l might do later . Bide my time and wait for a 1/2 pricer instead. They're always around. We did that with our 1ac place to that's how we coulda been so comfortable once it was finished.

But it'll come together , if we can relax good stuff happens , seen it over and over


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Thanks Whitehawk. That makes me feel better.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

It really is all about preference. A divorce can really allow you to re-examine some things and the discovery is not always what you thought it would be.

I like my house because of the design and the rental unit which pays nearly all my mortgage.

Others like the freedom of not being tied down with chores and repairs.

Do what works for you. 

https://blog.personalcapital.com/in...aign=Rent_or_Buy&utm_creative=320x400_pc_logo


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