# The kids are mine lol



## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

I see this statement in a lot the threads where the wife has cheated.

Every guy outright scoffs at the idea that his kids might not be biologically his.

She cheated once and you didn't catch it (that is until the A was caught), what are the chances that she has cheated in the past?

I had a buddy in college that got his girlfriend pregnant.
I remember we all told him to get a DNA test because there was no way he got her pregnant (there were multiple guys at the time of her getting pregnant).

He scoffed - the baby looks just like me.

16 years later, the family came calling as the boy had developed some odd genetic disorder and they needed updated medical information.

after testing - child turns out to not be his - not even remotely close

I understand the denial factor - especially when looking at yourself in dealing with your marriage and whom you chose to marry. But when confronted with the fact that your wife has been caught cheating, why do so many not even allow the idea of the kids not being theirs biologically?

I guess I'm just odd - that would be the first thing I would want to know. I would want to know if me being their biological father was just another lie in a laundry list of lies..


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Walking away from a child one has raised for a number of years--b/c a woman lied--is, to me, one of the sickest things I've seen on this site. I hope most men wouldn't do that. But so far, on this site and on a couple of others, it seems to be a more common response (maybe 60/40). Someone please correct me--I want to be wrong about this.

ETA: 60% stay, 40% leave. Sorry that was unclear.


----------



## Daniel. (Jan 14, 2015)

Because i did not want to believe that my wife, the woman who i chose to be my life partner would be so cruel to lie about this kind of thing. We were as happy as it can possibly be as a married couple when our daughter was conceived, she started to cheat after i dropped a bomb on us so my mind didn't go that far. 

But my mind did wander, not in a huge intense every single minute thought that crossed my mind every single minute kind of stuff but a small blip. What if, what if, what if. I knew i'd still love the little girl even if she wasn't mine, i prepared myself for that.

Anyway, i took the test. The probability is 99.99993 something %.
No more little blip for me


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its hard to even face the fact that your old lady is phucking around, combine that with the fact that now that you have to face this fact and what to do about it a guys head is so screwed up the only hope in keeping his sanity and not killing his cheating wife and her lover is the fact that the guy has kids to consider.

Anther thought could be that the poor bastard is trying to keep his cheating POS around and doesn't want to piss her off.


I personally would DNA test my kids just so I could piss off my old lady....but that's just me.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

sisters359 said:


> Walking away from a child one has raised for a number of years--b/c a woman lied--is, to me, one of the sickest things I've seen on this site. I hope most men wouldn't do that. But so far, on this site and on a couple of others, it seems to be a more common response (maybe 60/40). Someone please correct me--I want to be wrong about this.


If we're talking years then I think most guys wouldn't. Either way, though, no man who finds himself in such a situation should be _*forced*_ to provide for a child or children that aren't his biological offspring.

And let's be clear... this is more than "just a _lie_" that we're talking about here.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

sisters359 said:


> Walking away from a child one has raised for a number of years--b/c a woman lied--is, to me, one of the sickest things I've seen on this site. I hope most men wouldn't do that. But so far, on this site and on a couple of others, it seems to be a more common response (maybe 60/40). Someone please correct me--I want to be wrong about this.


You're wrong, just not the way you think. You want to blame the man in this horrible situation the cheating wife created. Blame her instead.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

sisters359 said:


> *Walking away from a child one has raised for a number of years--b/c a woman lied--is, to me, one of the sickest things I've seen on this site.* I hope most men wouldn't do that. But so far, on this site and on a couple of others, it seems to be a more common response (maybe 60/40). Someone please correct me--I want to be wrong about this.


WRONG. The sickest thing is a woman deceiving a man into raising another man's kid. That is disgusting and it should be a crime but our lopsided courts have consistently forced men with DNA evidence that the kid is not his to pay childamony anyway.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I agree that lying about a kids father is way up there on the sh!tty list. It is one of the burdens men have, unlike women who know the kid is theirs. 

And it's only recently you could even find out; geneticists think that up to 30% of kids born in wedlock historically were not the hb's, which would challenge a lot of guys' assertions that women are cheating more these days. Both genders have always cheated, but leaving the family generally wasn't an option and you couldn't dna test. 

Lying when you know there's a chance the guy you pointed to isn't the father is about as selfish an act as one can perpetrate and no guy should be forced continue with a child that isn't his if he can't do it. If the mother was concerned about her child and not her own a$$ she wouldn't lie in the first place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

sisters359 said:


> Walking away from a child one has raised for a number of years--b/c a woman lied--is, to me, one of the sickest things I've seen on this site. I hope most men wouldn't do that. But so far, on this site and on a couple of others, it seems to be a more common response (maybe 60/40). Someone please correct me--I want to be wrong about this.


I do agree that the older the kid is the more unfair it is to the kid. That’s why I recommend that every guy DNA the kid when it gets home from the hospital. It’s inexpensive and no one will ever know. Even if it just a one in a million chance its worth a few bucks to make it a zero percent chance. 

I plan to DNA any kids my son has using my DNA. That way my son doesn’t even have to know. Before everyone freaks out my grandchildren will wind up with everything I’ve worked for my entire life. I have a right to know if they are mine. 

You say how sick it is to walk away from an older child because you were lied to by a woman. How sick do you think the woman’s actions were? I would say at least 1000x worse. Think about saving some of your rage for the woman. How could a man be expected to live with such a woman? 

In the example case the woman was screwing multiple guys, got pregnant and picked the best husband material guy to lie to. He did the right thing and married her. He changed his entire life due to her lie and because he was a good guy. Now he’s scum if he doesn’t continue the lie? I would hope that he would continue being a dad to the kid but that makes him a saint. 

This attitude is very typical today. The person with the power to fix a problem they should do it. If they don’t they’re bad. People feel good about themselves when they tell the person capable of fixing the problem to fix it. They also feel good about themselves when they give a pass to the "unfortunate" person that caused the problem. Notice that these "feel good" people did nothing but talk.

No one calls out the POS that caused the problem. If you were frugal your entire life and have savings you should write a check to a person that’s broke because they never saved.


----------



## Stillasamountain (Jan 13, 2014)

sisters359 said:


> Walking away from a child one has raised for a number of years--b/c a woman lied--is, to me, one of the sickest things I've seen on this site. I hope most men wouldn't do that. But so far, on this site and on a couple of others, it seems to be a more common response (maybe 60/40). Someone please correct me--I want to be wrong about this.



No one said anything about walking away. Are you assuming that's the test's intended purpose? I didn't see that in the OP.

Personally, I think always DNA testing is a good idea for several reasons.

- it shows her how deep the erosion of trust has gone
- if it's positive then any doubts (large or small) can be put to rest
- if it's negative then it's still good to know the truth sooner rather than later (most decent guys will not blame the child or change their feelings for them if they've already bonded)

As far as I know, it's generally not legal for the cuckold to financially abandon children born into the marriage. But there is always the small but distinct possibility of emotional abandonment. We can't always control how we feel, especially over fairly primal stuff like this and I won't blame a guy that can't hack it. I might blame him for not trying but, ultimately, every individual is the sole arbiter of what they can accept.


----------



## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

sisters359 said:


> Walking away from a child one has raised for a number of years--b/c a woman lied--is, to me, one of the sickest things I've seen on this site. I hope most men wouldn't do that. But so far, on this site and on a couple of others, it seems to be a more common response (maybe 60/40). Someone please correct me--I want to be wrong about this.


If you are seeing it here and elsewhere, then it's probably indicative of society as a whole. Those who know me here, know I'm very intolerant of infidelity and have a low opinion of waywards in general. Now I can't say for certain what I would do if I found out a child I raised for years was not mine, until I find myself in that situation. Knowing me, I think the likelihood that I would disappear is quite high. The only thing I would make a point of doing is make sure that the child (and everyone else) knows the reason why I disappeared. Also, to echo Greywolf2, the evil that the deceptive wayward perpetrated on her husband far outweighs the abandonment. If the child is damaged as a result, the fault is the mother's. It's unfortunate that children have to pay for the crimes of the parent, but that's what happens.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

sisters359 said:


> Walking away from a child one has raised for a number of years--b/c a woman lied--is, to me, one of the sickest things I've seen on this site. I hope most men wouldn't do that. But so far, on this site and on a couple of others, it seems to be a more common response (maybe 60/40). Someone please correct me--I want to be wrong about this.


No, what is sick is a lying, no good wh0re who cuckolds her husband into raising another man's children, all because she didn't have the moral fortitude to keep her goddamm legs closed. Then the secrets come out and the man's life - EVERYTHING he believed - comes crashing down.

But he's the sick one, eh sister?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

the guy said:


> I personally would DNA test my kids just so I could piss off my old lady....but that's just me.


Kids are pretty in tune with what is going on with the parents. If you DNA test them, they have to cooperate. Unless they are very young they are going to ask why.

A child knowing that they are being DNA tested to see if their father is their bio-dad could hurt the kids a LOT. Don't forget that most kids have watch CSI and other such shows. They know what a swab of the inside cheek means.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

No man should have a moral, legal, or financial obligation to a child that is not his. Unfortunately, the state views it differently, to keep all those extra children off of the welfare rolls.

A determination of paternity should be made at the hospital at time of birth. God knows they charge you for everything else down to the toilet paper in the bathroom. Why not make it mandatory.

And yes the converse is true too - any man that makes a baby has a moral, legal, and financial obligation to the child.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

In my case, it was 1986 and dna tests were not as easily obtained. Yes, I knew she had been cheating. I knew the guy. I had no proof until after the baby was born, but I did have one guy, who is dead now, that told me what she was doing. He lived beside my first wife's parents and knew what was going on. He saw them together many times. She got pregnant at this time. How did I not know? We lived about 650 miles away at the time and I had to work overtime and she wanted to come home often, on the weekends. Crazy? Yes. Crazy hope beyond all hope and love and denial that I could have been so wrong? Yes. 

After 19 1/2 hours of labor, exhaustion, tears from worry and seeing all her pain, seeing some of the action first hand and almost passing out, then sitting down in a rocking chair and holding my sweet sweet little newborn daughter who had the most beautiful unexpected red hair, with the perfect baby smell, and so innocent and lovely, how in the world could I not sign the birth certificate? Once I did, it was really difficult to get a dna test, and I had little money to spend. I guess I was too soft.

Oh, I was 23 when she was born. I guess that makes a difference, and my then wife was 20. So, that factored in, as well.


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

sisters359 said:


> Walking away from a child one has raised for a number of years--b/c a woman lied--is, to me, one of the sickest things I've seen on this site. I hope most men wouldn't do that. *But so far, on this site and on a couple of others, it seems to be a more common response (maybe 60/40).* Someone please correct me--I want to be wrong about this.


I call BS on the part in bold. In my time on this site I've seen exactly 2 instances of a man finding out the child wasn't his and cutting that child out of his life. The first the child was new born and no bond had formed. The second the "child" is a 22 year old man (and the poster here) and _every one_ condemned his cuckolded dad for abandoning him. In _every_ other case of paternity fraud the the defrauded man has said that it will not affect his relationship with the child.

60% my ass.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> I agree that lying about a kids father is way up there on the sh!tty list. It is one of the burdens men have, unlike women who know the kid is theirs.
> 
> And it's only recently you could even find out; geneticists think that up to 30% of kids born in wedlock historically were not the hb's, which would challenge a lot of guys' assertions that women are cheating more these days. Both genders have always cheated, but leaving the family generally wasn't an option and you couldn't dna test.
> 
> Lying when you know there's a chance the guy you pointed to isn't the father is about as selfish an act as one can perpetrate and no guy should be forced continue with a child that isn't his if he can't do it. If the mother was concerned about her child and not her own a$$ she wouldn't lie in the first place.


:iagree:

Historically the reason that a husband is considered the legal father of any children birthed by his wife is that there was no way to find out differently.. well unless the child was born with some obvious characteristics of another man.

Now that we have DNA tests, if a guy wants to he can test any child his wife gives birth to. She does not even have to know he's doing it.


----------



## BrutalHonesty (Apr 5, 2015)

Some men dream about being fathers just like women dream about being mothers. Many men jump the gun when there is a possibility that they are the father. 

Personally i would not knowingly raise another man's child. I see 100% negatives in that situation. That is why i would test the child if there was a shadow of doubt. 

I would not want to grow attached to a child (and have the child call me father) just so later it came to light that it was all a lie. Nobody deserves that. And the fact that men get hooked for child support when kids aren't even theirs is one of the greatest mistakes in most of the western legal systems.


----------



## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

sisters359 said:


> Walking away from a child one has raised for a number of years--b/c a woman lied--is, to me, one of the sickest things I've seen on this site. I hope most men wouldn't do that. But so far, on this site and on a couple of others, it seems to be a more common response (maybe 60/40). Someone please correct me--I want to be wrong about this.


So you are throwing stones at men who have been betrayed in the worst possible way? 

Don't insult or judge men who are or could be the victims of paternity fraud. 

As a woman, you simply cannot comprehend the pain and anger it brings to both parties. 
Just like men cannot the pain and anger and other range of emotions that comes from being raped. 



> In my time on this site I've seen exactly 2 instances of a man finding out the child wasn't his and cutting that child out of his life. The first the child was new born and no bond had formed. The second the "child" is a 22 year old man (and the poster here) and every one condemned his cuckolded dad for abandoning him. In every other case of paternity fraud the the defrauded man has said that it will not affect his relationship with the child.


Everyone but me, condemned his actions.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Broken at 20 said:


> Just like men cannot the pain and anger and other range of emotions that comes from being raped.


Uhmm, you mean pregnancy not rape. Men experience the same emotions and some doctors say worse because people, as evidenced by your post, really believe men can't be raped. Also, on the occasions it is a female raping a male laws and society say he was lucky, wanted it or it didn't exist because he was able to perform.


----------



## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Uhmm, you mean pregnancy not rape. Men experience the same emotions and some doctors say worse because people, as evidenced by your post, really believe men can't be raped. Also, on the occasions it is a female raping a male laws and society say he was lucky, wanted it or it didn't exist because he was able to perform.


I am well aware of how one-sided the laws are. and how the courts are very one-sided. And how men can be the victims of rape and other similar crimes. 

It was merely the best example I could think of, without starting a large argument based on weaker examples I could have presented. 

But if you can think of a similar the female equivalent for a man being cuckolded, let me know.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Uhmm, you mean pregnancy not rape. Men experience the same emotions and some doctors say worse because people, as evidenced by your post, really believe men can't be raped. Also, on the occasions it is a female raping a male laws and society say he was lucky, wanted it or it didn't exist because he was able to perform.


I can attest to most of this. I never went to any legal authorities. I was too embarrassed to attempt it. I didn't want anyone to know. It took a few years to say anything and a family member to drag it out of me. Then, just recently here, I was able to talk openly. Very few are open enough to understand this or even consider it. Even my therapist has a difficult time. I mentioned my experience recently, he avoided talking about it after making a comment that led me to believe he did not believe it. We may be done with our sessions together or I may need to address what he can and go to someone else for this trauma. It takes a change in your thinking about exactly what gratification is, or what you receive pleasure from, in order to finish. I don't know if it has changed what will turn me on forever, or if I will be alright. I have not had the opportunity to do anything with anyone that I wanted. I have not done a thing yet. It's been a long long long time, longer than ever before in my life. Dry spell, that is.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Broken at 20 said:


> .
> 
> But if you can think of a similar the female equivalent for a man being cuckolded, let me know.


Rape isn't an example of cuckolding for either gender. The closest equivalent is pregnancy and a man having an affair.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> I can attest to most of this. I never went to any legal authorities. I was too embarrassed to attempt it. I didn't want anyone to know. It took a few years to say anything and a family member to drag it out of me. Then, just recently here, I was able to talk openly. Very few are open enough to understand this or even consider it. Even my therapist has a difficult time. I mentioned my experience recently, he avoided talking about it after making a comment that led me to believe he did not believe it. We may be done with our sessions together or I may need to address what he can and go to someone else for this trauma. It takes a change in your thinking about exactly what gratification is, or what you receive pleasure from, in order to finish. I don't know if it has changed what will turn me on forever, or if I will be alright. I have not had the opportunity to do anything with anyone that I wanted. I have not done a thing yet. It's been a long long long time, longer than ever before in my life. Dry spell, that is.


Admitting it is a huge step. Good luck and I appreciate your honesty on the subject.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> I am well aware of how one-sided the laws are. and how the courts are very one-sided. And how men can be the victims of rape and other similar crimes.
> 
> It was merely the best example I could think of, without starting a large argument based on weaker examples I could have presented.
> 
> But if you can think of a similar the female equivalent for a man being cuckolded, let me know.


I've seen women post things that lead me to believe they are disgusted with sex after some other woman was with their husband. Don't know if it is really that similar, other than in mental? With all the posts about how many women value a man with experience, I guess it isn't as big a factor as with men? I guess this is an area where we have to take their word for it, as they do us.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

If you want to see anger, equivalent to the male comments in this thread, do a search on threads about pregnant wives and cheating husbands. I've seen pro-reconciliation women straight up tell a woman to divorce, take the kids and do everything possible to keep him away from the children.


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I've said here before that a man cheating on his pregnant wife or after she's just given birth is the lowest of the low but even lower than that is a woman pregnant with another man's child but making her husband believe it's his. That's just evil.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I don't think I have to defend my response--it's quite clear that a fair number of men--adults--think they have no obligation to a child who considers them "dad." 

I didn't say anything about staying with such woman. Sticking by the child is a whole 'nother thing.


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

snerg said:


> after testing - child turns out to not be his - not even remotely close


Don't know why this struck me as funny. Kind of a miss is as agood as a mile....

Close, but not mine!


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

sisters359 said:


> I don't think I have to defend my response--it's quite clear that a fair number of men--adults--think they have no obligation to a child who considers them "dad."
> 
> I didn't say anything about staying with such woman. Sticking by the child is a whole 'nother thing.


And you would be correct. These cuckolds have no obligation to the child that the cheating woman foisted upon them. No obligation besides what the courts hold them to. So why would someone think otherwise.

Despite that, I would venture that the percentage of men who actually stay and be a dad to those kids is higher - much higher than the 60/40 split of your arbitrary guess. I have no statistics to site, but then again neither did you.


----------



## BrutalHonesty (Apr 5, 2015)

sisters359 said:


> I don't think I have to defend my response--it's quite clear that a fair number of men--adults--think they have no obligation to a child who considers them "dad."
> 
> I didn't say anything about staying with such woman. Sticking by the child is a whole 'nother thing.


I think a man must be given a choice on the matter. Do you want to have a willing father that is dismissing biological matters in favour of other values or do you want a slave that is forced to support a child he doesn't want to support?

You can say your mind about his choice, but the choice must be given. 

Personally i can understand both positions. I recognize the bond that goes beyond biology and is derived from the building of a relationship of father and child (father isn't the "sperm donor"). But i also understand those who cannot bear the biological instinct of ditching offspring that isn't his, because the relationship, all of it, was built on a lie from the very start. 

I pass no judgement. It's a situation that should never happen. And the woman here is 100% at fault. 

I personally know men that have been there and one of them went one way, the other went the opposite. I respect their decision. In the end of the day, taking the weight of raising a child is no small matter. 

What i do not like is the current politically correct police that is using mainstream media to shame men that decide not to raise kids that are not theirs. Like it is some sort of obligation to raise *****'s children if you were deceived just long enough. 

We see that kind of stuff with some sort of moral to the story all the time now.


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Nucking Futs said:


> I call BS on the part in bold. In my time on this site I've seen exactly 2 instances of a man finding out the child wasn't his and cutting that child out of his life. The first the child was new born and no bond had formed. The second the "child" is a 22 year old man (and the poster here) and _every one_ condemned his cuckolded dad for abandoning him. In _every_ other case of paternity fraud the the defrauded man has said that it will not affect his relationship with the child.
> 
> 60% my ass.


Yeah, nearly all the men I've seen post that have even considered the possibility fall into the "that child is my son/daughter no matter what..."


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm glad to see a number of folks offended by my question, but I refer you to the responses of others to get an idea of what I've seen out there. 

60/40 was-is-a rough estimate. Maybe this thread can provide more specific information.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

sisters359 said:


> I don't think I have to defend my response--it's quite clear that a fair number of men--adults--think they have no obligation to a child who considers them "dad."
> 
> I didn't say anything about staying with such woman. Sticking by the child is a whole 'nother thing.


This is true. Children are looking for acceptance and guidance from a male figure as well as a female. The one who gives them the most good directions, feelings of security, love and affection will be looked at as a father. Many times, after a divorce, that's whoever lives with them. They see that man upon waking and going to sleep when they are most reliant on an adult. Even when the bio father is in their life, they may easily consider him to be less a father and more a beloved uncle. The child doesn't know a thing about money or where their food, clothing, and shelter comes from other than who took them to the store, or filled their plate with food or where they most often sleep and have most of their important possessions. 

I think many men have difficulty when they do not derive much pleasure from their children in seeing them grow, teaching them good habits, helping them learn to ride a bicycle, offering emotional comfort before the first day at school and so forth. All of these things are limited when the father does not live with his children most of their time. What he does get is the bills, notices of illness, and assorted other complaints, restrictions, and late notices about how well they did at school without an opportunity to attend a function and celebrate with them. Of course, this isn't all cases, but it is fairly common. 

The courts know all of this. They have been dealing with this forever. Deadbeat dads are an issue, but I've known women who don't even take the father to court. When asked why, they told me he does other things which were never explained. Money was trickling in, and usually at rates and frequency lower than desired.


----------



## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

sisters359 said:


> I don't think I have to defend my response--it's quite clear that a fair number of men--adults--think they have no obligation to a child who considers them "dad."
> 
> I didn't say anything about staying with such woman. Sticking by the child is a whole 'nother thing.


I take offense to it because you are sickened a man who was tricked into raising another's child is choosing not to do so going further. 

As a woman, you firstly, cannot comprehend what it is like. The rage, anger, hurt, betrayal, and host of emotions that fathers face. 
And you are sickened by a betrayed father reacting to a situation in a way you disapprove of. A situation you can never, and will never, face yourself. 

Don't act like the situation is cut and dry, with a clear right and wrong answer. 
It is far more grey than I think people will admit to.


----------



## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

2ntnuf said:


> I can attest to most of this. I never went to any legal authorities. I was too embarrassed to attempt it. I didn't want anyone to know. It took a few years to say anything and a family member to drag it out of me. Then, just recently here, I was able to talk openly. Very few are open enough to understand this or even consider it. Even my therapist has a difficult time. I mentioned my experience recently, he avoided talking about it after making a comment that led me to believe he did not believe it. We may be done with our sessions together or I may need to address what he can and go to someone else for this trauma. It takes a change in your thinking about exactly what gratification is, or what you receive pleasure from, in order to finish. I don't know if it has changed what will turn me on forever, or if I will be alright. I have not had the opportunity to do anything with anyone that I wanted. I have not done a thing yet. It's been a long long long time, longer than ever before in my life. Dry spell, that is.


I am so sorry. As I have posted many times on here I was raped. What allowed me to get past it was being so open about it all the time to everyone for about 2 years.

During that time, I met many men who had never told anyone about it and still didn't label it as rape. They couldn't even go there. The effects of it were there, but they couldn't put a name to it. 

I don't want any one child born in this world to grow up thinking they somehow deserved abuse because of who they are. Men grow up thinking being raped is impossible or means that they are less just because they were born male.

After I was raped, I did not want anyone to touch me. I then went back on my decision to wait before marriage and had sex. As I have stated, that man cheated on me before we decided to get married. That was devastating for a multitude of reasons, but having sex with him was healing in so many ways. 

I was scared, I cried, I shook, I couldn't eat, but it was my sex life again. 

I have no idea when you will be ready or if, but it is YOUR body and one day it will feel like home again. I promise. I stood many times in the shower feeling infected, disgusted, wanting to wipe clean the insides of my organs. I never though I would feel that it was mine again, but I did. I am so glad you have opened up here on TAM. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and if talking helps, then talk about it as much as you want. If nothing else, you will have one person here to listen to you.


----------



## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

2ntnuf said:


> I've seen women post things that lead me to believe they are disgusted with sex after some other woman was with their husband. Don't know if it is really that similar, other than in mental? With all the posts about how many women value a man with experience, I guess it isn't as big a factor as with men? I guess this is an area where we have to take their word for it, as they do us.



I see a lot of men saying that they feel emasculated after they know their woman was with another man.

Well, I felt de-feminized? I don't know the word. But I certainly felt like less of a woman after I was cheated on. 

I think it happens to women too.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Graywolf2 said:


> I plan to DNA any kids my son has using my DNA. That way my son doesn’t even have to know. Before everyone freaks out my grandchildren will wind up with everything I’ve worked for my entire life. I have a right to know if they are mine.


:iagree:

I plan on dna testing all my grandkids, even from my daughters. There was no such thing as dna 25 yrs ago, so now is my chance. I believe 2 are mine but have doubts about the other. So I will find out for sure about that one plus my grandkids.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

sisters359 said:


> I don't think I have to defend my response--it's quite clear that a fair number of men--adults--think they have no obligation to a child who considers them "dad."


Since we are introducing red herrings and strawman arguments based on assumptions, it is quite clear you think paternity fraud is okay. 

This was about testing kids after an affair was discovered. YOU introduced the straw man "OMG walk away daddy is sickest."


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Thank you Maria.


----------



## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

2ntnuf said:


> Thank you Maria.


Your welcome 

And again,

What happened to you is not only not your fault,

but they could never reach a part of you. It is your most true self. After their horrible act, you continued to live and to grow. You continued to be your true self.

In that act, they gave away the one thing they had, their true self. They wanted power, and thought that they had it. But no external power lasts. We have only one true choice to make each and every second, the one choice of our lifetime. Who do I choose to be? 

You never gave that away. 

They did. 

You will always be stronger, even in your weakest moments.


----------



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

I for one am in Sisters camp. That child did not cause your wife to cheat on you. To that kid, you are the only father they have known. Now your marriage is in ruins, and daddy is not daddy anymore and wants to have nothing to do with them. It is hard enough in a divorce for a kid to not feel it is their fault. But when dad says he is not their father and wants nothing to do with them anymore, it would be so much worse. How any man can do that to his children- and until he did the test he called them his children- this I cannot understand.

Being a dad has a lot more involved than just being a DNA donor.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Gonna Make It said:


> I for one am in Sisters camp. That child did not cause your wife to cheat on you. To that kid, you are the only father they have known. Now your marriage is in ruins, and daddy is not daddy anymore and wants to have nothing to do with them. It is hard enough in a divorce for a kid to not feel it is their fault. But when dad says he is not their father and wants nothing to do with them anymore, it would be so much worse. How any man can do that to his children- and until he did the test he called them his children- this I cannot understand.
> 
> Being a dad has a lot more involved than just being a DNA donor.


I don't think you are going to get much disagreement with that. And this is the difference, I think, in why mothers and fathers are different to some extent. That child grew inside their bio mother. Anyone's sperm could have fertilized her egg, but only she can carry the child formed from her eggs. If it were as enormously evil as you intimate, why are there no laws affording more rights to fathers? I think the courts believe differently and their laws are what are enforced, not our beliefs.


----------



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> I don't think you are going to get much disagreement with that. And this is the difference, I think, in why mothers and fathers are different to some extent. That child grew inside their bio mother. Anyone's sperm could have fertilized her egg, but only she can carry the child formed from her eggs. If it were as enormously evil as you intimate, why are there no laws affording more rights to fathers? I think the courts believe differently and their laws are what are enforced, not our beliefs.


For the same reason that so many states still allow permanent alimony. The laws have not kept up with the times. But laws are starting to change. Guys are getting more time with their kids, I got 50/50 custody. And in my state there is a bill working through the statehouse to get rid of permanent alimony. Change takes time. But guys walking out on their kids does not make the change easier. Courts look at guys asking for more time with the kids as just trying to get out of child support because so many guys ARE trying to get out of child support.


----------



## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Gonna Make It said:


> I for one am in Sisters camp. That child did not cause your wife to cheat on you. To that kid, you are the only father they have known. Now your marriage is in ruins, and daddy is not daddy anymore and wants to have nothing to do with them. It is hard enough in a divorce for a kid to not feel it is their fault. But when dad says he is not their father and wants nothing to do with them anymore, it would be so much worse. How any man can do that to his children- and until he did the test he called them his children- this I cannot understand.


Well then, when you test your kids, and find out they are not yours, let me know how you feel. 

We all say one thing, but when we are faced with the real life situation, we often find, things are far more complicated than we thought.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Gonna Make It said:


> I for one am in Sisters camp. That child did not cause your wife to cheat on you. To that kid, you are the only father they have known. Now your marriage is in ruins, and daddy is not daddy anymore and wants to have nothing to do with them. It is hard enough in a divorce for a kid to not feel it is their fault. .But *when dad says he is not their father and wants nothing to do with them anymore, it would be so much worse * How any man can do that to his children- and until he did the test he called them his children- this I cannot understand.
> 
> Being a dad has a lot more involved than just being a DNA donor.


I've never heard of a man that would turn his back on a kid that he was cuckold to believe was his if they already had a bond of several years. But the man should not be forced to support the kid. It should be voluntary. 

This is a serious problem through out the country. Men are being forced to pay child support for kids that DNA evidence has shown are not theirs.


----------



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> Well then, when you test your kids, and find out they are not yours, let me know how you feel.
> 
> We all say one thing, but when we are faced with the real life situation, we often find, things are far more complicated than we thought.


I could test them. But there is no point. It does not matter what a DNA test says; my kids are my kids and always will be.


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

jsmart said:


> *I've never heard of a man that would turn his back on a kid that he was cuckold to believe was his if they already had a bond of several years. *But the man should not be forced to support the kid. It should be voluntary.
> 
> This is a serious problem through out the country. Men are being forced to pay child support for kids that DNA evidence has shown are not theirs.



Here you go.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

They are just showing the real problem. Some women and men want sex and don't worry about consequences of pregnancy. They figure they can force someone to pay for their responsibilities. If the bio father had any guts at all or was actually respectable, he'd step forward and pay for and see his child. There would be no questions at all. The mother usually knows who the bio father is. This is all trying to blame the victim and shift focus off the responsibility of the bio parents, in my opinion. It's an example of the state of the population of this country today. Moral character is lost on pride.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Kids are pretty in tune with what is going on with the parents. If you DNA test them, they have to cooperate. Unless they are very young they are going to ask why.
> 
> A child knowing that they are being DNA tested to see if their father is their bio-dad could hurt the kids a LOT. Don't forget that most kids have watch CSI and other such shows. They know what a swab of the inside cheek means.


Then I suggest if women don't want to have that happen to their children, don't cheat. Again you are assigning the blame to the far less badly behaving parent.


----------



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

It is not about assigning blame. It is not about who is behaving worse. In the end, the victims- the ONLY victims- in this are those kids. They did not cheat. They did not deceive. They did not rug sweep. They did not do anything but be born. And that guy is the only dad they know. And suddenly he decides because a DNA test says that he is not the biological father of the kids that he will just dump them from his life. He will just forget them. WTF!!! So your kid is not your biological child, does that make any real difference in the grand scheme of things? We, as parents tell our kids we will love them no matter what. Then when we split up, we abandon them. What is that really telling them? SMH. Being a parent is more than just being a genetic donor.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Broken at 20 said:


> I take offense to it because you are sickened a man who was tricked into raising another's child is choosing not to do so going further.
> 
> As a woman, you firstly, cannot comprehend what it is like. The rage, anger, hurt, betrayal, and host of emotions that fathers face.
> And you are sickened by a betrayed father reacting to a situation in a way you disapprove of. A situation you can never, and will never, face yourself.
> ...


She's also talking in the abstract, while many here are the dad or child in a real life painful situation.


----------



## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Gonna Make It said:


> It is not about assigning blame. It is not about who is behaving worse. In the end, the victims- *the ONLY victims- in this are those kids.* They did not cheat. They did not deceive. They did not rug sweep. They did not do anything but be born. And that guy is the only dad they know. And suddenly he decides because a DNA test says that he is not the biological father of the kids that he will just dump them from his life. He will just forget them. WTF!!! So your kid is not your biological child, does that make any real difference in the grand scheme of things? We, as parents tell our kids we will love them no matter what. Then when we split up, we abandon them. What is that really telling them? SMH. *Being a parent is more than just being a genetic donor*.


You know what I find amazing here? 

Me, your victim, by you words, not mine, seems to be one of the few, VERY FEW, people here, that does not seem to judge, think less of, or am sickened by, a man that abandons a child that he rose and later found out was not his. 

Until you experience it, don't tell people how they should act.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

A men with a cheating wife isn't a victim. OK... I got it.

I suspect you'll have many who disagree.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Gonna Make It said:


> It is not about assigning blame. It is not about who is behaving worse. In the end, the victims- the ONLY victims- in this are those kids. They did not cheat. They did not deceive. They did not rug sweep. They did not do anything but be born. And that guy is the only dad they know. And suddenly he decides because a DNA test says that he is not the biological father of the kids that he will just dump them from his life. He will just forget them. WTF!!! So your kid is not your biological child, does that make any real difference in the grand scheme of things? We, as parents tell our kids we will love them no matter what. Then when we split up, we abandon them. What is that really telling them? SMH. Being a parent is more than just being a genetic donor.


This is one of the most ridiculous arguments I've ever seen to support claims of justice. 

Why don't they know their real father? What happened? Did he hate his child enough to leave? Why would a dna test change his mind if he knows the child is not his already and has accepted that? 

Who abandoned their child, the biological father who was never a part of the child's life or some guy who, in his benevolence, gave all to his wife's child and then is caught up in a divorce with someone who didn't care if the child was with it's bio father or not? Didn't the child know that he wasn't the real father? Why didn't the mother tell the child the truth? Didn't she think the child deserved the truth?


----------



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

And until you are a father, don't tell me how a father should act.

The moment I held my children in my arms, I knew I would die for them. I still feel that way. I do not need a DNA test to know who my children are- they have my heart.


----------



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

We will have to agree to disagree, 2ntnuf.

I said what I feel. You have said what you feel. You cannot change how I feel and I cannot change how you feel.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Gonna Make It said:


> And until you are a father, don't tell me how a father should act.
> 
> The moment I held my children in my arms, I knew I would die for them. I still feel that way. I do not need a DNA test to know who my children are- they have my heart.


Are you their bio father? If not, don't tell me how it feels.

I've been a father to a non bio daughter since 1986 and a son since 1993. I was at the birth of both, even my non bio daughter. Don't presume you know anything about it unless you've walked in my shoes.


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

People are getting a little over wrought here. Maybe we could back it down a notch. Is this thread really worth getting upset over?


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

You are never good enough, when you divorce, and have a non bio child. Just one example, my non bio daughter came to me with her fiance and he asked if he could marry her. She was out of my life for a while, living her own. Her mother remarried and she still comes to me. I paid dearly in child support over the years and went through many trials in court. I didn't even know this guy. How could I give her away? What do I say? They didn't want to be around me. I was nothing. Her mother and step dad were who knew them. I was a wart that kept coming back. 

She wanted me to walk her down the aisle. I couldn't believe it and told her, knowing how her mother would protest, to let her step dad do it and I'd be there but sit in the back of the church. She cried and said no, she wanted me to walk her down the aisle. I was there at the rehearsal and treated like a non entity in front of my mother who was close to 90. I was with my second wife and mother in a pew of the church when all of a sudden, my first wife stands and screams out, "He shouldn't be here! He's not her father! He has no right!" 

I didn't even know what the hell was going on. I didn't know she was talking about me until I was ushered out the side door in the back. I had no clue. I did nothing. I didn't even speak to first wife. I was treated like a pariah, even at the wedding, which I went to and swallowed my tongue and pride. I never said a word, all for my non bio daughter who was the product of an affair. The same man came to my house to see my daughter when she was little and stayed over one night and screwed my wife with me upstairs in bed. 

That's just a small part of what I went through. That's not even half of it. That guy should be hung by his gonads from the ceiling. He should be made to pay for all the expenses I had with her plus mental cruelty. Screw him. I did my part. She even got a BS in child psychology while I paid for child support. Yeah, and I was told by her and my son that's where the money for food, shelter and clothing went. And when my son was ready, I was supposed to pay his education on my own. You know what I got out of it? Nothing. I don't even see them. They don't care to even send a card or answer their phone when I call. And that's due to the courts, their mother, and me. I will never say I am innocent, but the cards sure were purposely stacked against me actually taking a part in their lives, no matter what I did.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Gonna Make It said:


> And until you are a father, don't tell me how a father should act.
> 
> The moment I held my children in my arms, I knew I would die for them. I still feel that way. I do not need a DNA test to know who my children are- they have my heart.


Why do you presume the men you're talking to aren't fathers? Or for that matter that they aren't involved fathers?

I have 4 kids with another on the way. The only prenatal visit I missed was when I went to be by my mother's side when she died. I'm very involved with every one. I volunteer in my kids' school. I don't miss, nor am I even late to ANY of my kids' school or other activities. 

That said: I won't judge a man who walks away. 

I don't know what I'd do. I know at least two physically HAVE to be mine because I was with my wife the entire fertile period on vacation. The others I take on faith and have no reason for doubt. That makes it a lot more complex than a man who's found NONE of the kids are his.


----------



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

My message was to the 20 yr old with the "father" who does not want to be a part of his life. He says it is fine, but if you read his other thread, it is not. He is self destructive because he blames himself for the failure of his parents marriage. And the person he spent his life calling dad just walked out of his life. I was trying to tell him that his dad's reaction is not acceptable and should be far from the norm.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Gonna Make It said:


> My message was to the 20 yr old with the "father" who does not want to be a part of his life. He says it is fine, but if you read his other thread, it is not. He is self destructive because he blames himself for the failure of his parents marriage. And the person he spent his life calling dad just walked out of his life.


Well, they have an abusive relationship that occurred long before the DNA test was taken.



Gonna Make It said:


> I was trying to tell him that his dad's reaction is not acceptable


That's for him to decide.


----------



## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Gonna Make It said:


> My message was to the 20 yr old with the "father" who does not want to be a part of his life. He says it is fine, but if you read his other thread, it is not. He is self destructive because he blames himself for the failure of his parents marriage. And the person he spent his life calling dad just walked out of his life. I was trying to tell him that his dad's reaction is not acceptable and should be far from the norm.


Norm or not, I don't blame him. 

Do I wish the man that raised me was my father? Given all I know, yes. 
does he wish to be my father? No. 

I understand his reason, his stance, his anger, everything. 
And I guess this might be one of those...unless you experienced it, you can't explain it kinda thing.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I'm gonna tell you [email protected], you are a good son, not matter what those men do or did. It isn't you in the least. I don't know what else to tell you except I wish it never happened to you. You don't deserve that. You can tell from my own situation, there are all kinds of crap that goes on. I wish my kids would answer the phone. I wish they would have been there for me when my mother died. I needed them and they told me they couldn't drive me to the funeral. We all have our issues, but you are a good young man. Keep moving forward. You will have a great life. You already know what can happen and maybe how to avoid it. None of what I wrote was meant to hurt you.


----------



## Daniel. (Jan 14, 2015)

I said that i'd still love my daughter even if the test wast negative BUT if that was the case i'd back off slowly and in steady pace from her life, she's very young and she should have bond with her real father, let them make their own memory, if she wanted to bond with me when she's older i'd welcome her but i'd certainly set boundaries, it wouldn't be possible for me to love her completely if she wasn't mine, not because the dna factor but i imagine it'd be painful that everytime i look at her it'd remind me of the evil and length deceive that her mother pull. Thank god she's mine

And seriously, it's fine to voice your opinion but to deliver judgement when you don't have experience or even touch first base about this kind of problem is very ignorant.


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"I for one am in Sisters camp. That child did not cause your wife to cheat on you. To that kid, you are the only father they have known. Now your marriage is in ruins, and daddy is not daddy anymore and wants to have nothing to do with them. It is hard enough in a divorce for a kid to not feel it is their fault. But when dad says he is not their father and wants nothing to do with them anymore, it would be so much worse. How any man can do that to his children- and until he did the test he called them his children- this I cannot understand.

Being a dad has a lot more involved than just being a DNA donor."

Well....by all means you are entitled to your opinion.

But I myself will certainly never judge a man who essentially decides to say:

"Take it up with your mom and POSOM....they made this mess not me."

Encouraging a man to stay involved as a father figure is good...personally I would advise a friend to do this for the sake of the kid.

But DEMANDING it is bullsh*t.

I do not believe anyone has the right to force this decision on a man who does not feel he could ever look at or treat the kid the same.

And if the betrayed father does know he could not do it, then the cleanest break possible is best....at least a h*ll of a lot better than treating the child differently than he has before....or worse, different from any other kids who ARE his biologically.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Dyokemm said:


> Encouraging a man to stay involved as a father figure is good...personally I would advise a friend to do this for the sake of the kid.
> 
> But DEMANDING it is bullsh*t.
> 
> ...


Let's not forget, staying involved in the child's life means staying involved in the cheating mom's life. To twist a knife in the heart of a man with that deep of an evil intent can create homicidal rage. 

Better he walk away than do something far worse...


----------



## BrutalHonesty (Apr 5, 2015)

Some people are taking a selfless altruistic and even commendable act, to raise a child that isn't biologically his, and turn it into something every man in the same situation should do...

This is, for me, a weird stance. If I admired Mother Theresa i won't go around pointing fingers and telling other people they are somehow liable to reproach because they aren't at the same level of altruistic behaviour.

I think one should absolutely respect men who do go on taking care of their kids, who aren't biologically theirs. But as a man of science i also know the end result of this behaviour. They are rewarding cheating behaviour. And this behaviour exists because human females evolved to be able to cheat with impunity. But now, DNA testing can stop it. 

Biologically these men are putting themselves at a disadvantage. They are willing to accept that. But i do not think men should be forced into that.

The superior interest of the child? The mother knows who the child's father is (or at least the football team where the biofather is from). The law must go after that guy, not the stepfather. Child fraud is, in all rational and human perspectives something horrible. In fact, real criminals get off easier than a man who was fooled into signing a birth certificate of a child that isn't his. That signature means 18 years of slaving for a child that isn't his. He is de facto enslaved for being a trusting person. 

That is why i'm a firm supporter of mandatory DNA testing for every child born. Radical, some might say, and i know some women will be totally against it (as it goes against a core particular of their reproductive strategy) and will babble about "trust" and how they would take great offence at that. But, forgive me, your offence is NOTHING compared to 18 years of enslavement. Every guy who got cuckholded was trusting. He wasn't special and neither are you. 

We will discuss that value of offense when you have a son whose kid looks like the neighbour and you have to call him/her your grandkid.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> Let's not forget, staying involved in the child's life means staying involved in the cheating mom's life. To twist a knife in the heart of a man with that deep of an evil intent can create homicidal rage.
> 
> Better he walk away than do something far worse...


I recall reading somewhere that many of the "family elimination" type of shootings are believed to involve scenarios in which Dad finds out that one or more of his children aren't actually his biological offspring. He kills the kids, the lying wife, and then his MIL for good measure... because she knew the truth and kept it from him.


----------



## Tubbalard (Feb 8, 2015)

Having a child by another man other than your husband and passing it off as your husband's is up there with murder and rape and molestation. One of the most vile despicable acts a human can do. If its not mine, Im not taking care of it. Point blank period. You can't fault a man for walking away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tubbalard (Feb 8, 2015)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

This is a tough situation to explore, and frankly I have no personal experience with anything like this. Regarding what a BH does if he finds out one or more of his kids aren't his, I wonder if there is a difference between a BH finding out completely out of the blue vs. one that has had a suspicion about a child since day 1. I read [email protected]'s latest thread, and I feel terrible for the guy for what he had to go through. In this situation, those two never had a good relationship from the get go and apparently his father figure never accepted him as his own from day one. That's a big difference from a guy who would go from thinking of his child as a gift that he loves unconditionally yesterday and wanting to sever all ties to the child tomorrow due to no fault of the child. Somehow the former example that explains [email protected]'s case seems more human while the latter example of "world's best dad" turns into "world's best stranger" is a lot more callous and inhumane.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Tubbalard said:


> Having a child by another man other than your husband and passing it off as your husband's is up there with murder and rape and molestation. One of the most vile despicable acts a human can do. If its not mine, Im not taking care of it. Point blank period. You can't fault a man for walking away.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Context is everything. If the BH find out very early in the child's life or while the child is in utero is one thing, and he shouldn't be at fault while the child leaves. However, when the child is an adult or very close to it, you would think at that point in time the bonds would be strong enough that why sever the relationship if you both love each other? Hate the mother and place all the blame on her for being screwed over, but you still have a special relationship with the child.


----------



## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

2ntnuf said:


> You are never good enough, when you divorce, and have a non bio child. Just one example, my non bio daughter came to me with her fiance and he asked if he could marry her. She was out of my life for a while, living her own. Her mother remarried and she still comes to me. I paid dearly in child support over the years and went through many trials in court. I didn't even know this guy. How could I give her away? What do I say? They didn't want to be around me. I was nothing. Her mother and step dad were who knew them. I was a wart that kept coming back.
> 
> She wanted me to walk her down the aisle. I couldn't believe it and told her, knowing how her mother would protest, to let her step dad do it and I'd be there but sit in the back of the church. She cried and said no, she wanted me to walk her down the aisle. I was there at the rehearsal and treated like a non entity in front of my mother who was close to 90. I was with my second wife and mother in a pew of the church when all of a sudden, my first wife stands and screams out, "He shouldn't be here! He's not her father! He has no right!"
> 
> ...


Your first wife sounds like a total Bi***. I never can understand why some people are so cruel. I'm sorry for your pain.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I give tremendous credit to a man who decides to raise another man's child, knowingly unknowingly, or otherwise.

I pass no judgement on a man who was actively deceived into raising another man's child and elected to walk away. I don't think I could do that. I would hope the bond I share with my kids would be enough to overcome such betrayal but since I've never been in that situation - I cannot say with 100 percent certainty.

I do however pass judgement on the women who perpetrate such deception. Worse than the Salem witches as far as I am concerned.

This is the "sickest" part of the situation. The event that destroyed these lives. Are the children vicitims of their mother's deception and lack of moral fortitude? Yes. But to say they are the "ONLY" victims is laughable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Its a new day. *A DNA test to determine paternity should be a legal requirement at the birth of every infant.*

One lady whose story I heard had cheated on her long term boyfriend with a black guy and was waiting, hoping it would come out light skinned. She was pretty sure it was the black guys but she is full Brazilian and was hoping she could pass it off that way.

She felt she was giving her BF "the joy of fatherhood" so it was ok.

She did not even know the AP's name (ONS in a club parking lot) and was terrified she would have to face the consequences of her actions, no self respecting man could expect that, right?

Yep DNA every single kid, they do every other kind of test now anyway.


----------



## BrutalHonesty (Apr 5, 2015)

> She felt she was giving her BF "the joy of fatherhood" so it was ok.


This one part should come with a "likely to induce vomit" disclaimer right at the top...


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> In my case, it was 1986 and dna tests were not as easily obtained. Yes, I knew she had been cheating. I knew the guy. I had no proof until after the baby was born, but I did have one guy, who is dead now, that told me what she was doing. He lived beside my first wife's parents and knew what was going on. He saw them together many times. She got pregnant at this time. How did I not know? We lived about 650 miles away at the time and I had to work overtime and she wanted to come home often, on the weekends. Crazy? Yes. Crazy hope beyond all hope and love and denial that I could have been so wrong? Yes.
> 
> After 19 1/2 hours of labor, exhaustion, tears from worry and seeing all her pain, seeing some of the action first hand and almost passing out, then sitting down in a rocking chair and holding my sweet sweet little newborn daughter who had the most beautiful unexpected red hair, with the perfect baby smell, and so innocent and lovely, how in the world could I not sign the birth certificate? Once I did, it was really difficult to get a dna test, and I had little money to spend. I guess I was too soft.
> 
> Oh, I was 23 when she was born. I guess that makes a difference, and my then wife was 20. So, that factored in, as well.





sisters359 said:


> I don't think I have to defend my response--it's quite clear that a fair number of men--adults--think they have no obligation to a child who considers them "dad."
> 
> I didn't say anything about staying with such woman. Sticking by the child is a whole 'nother thing.


Hurting a child is cruel. Sure. I think a lot of men would bite their tongues and let is go.

But if someone has to shell out child support that is draining money from their biological children, they may cut the child off.

The state has an interest in forcing men to take responsibility for children, regardless of paternity. Obviously DNA testing has changed the ball game in favor of men. This weakens marriage as an institution but survival is not based on the family in the developed world food is there. What is lacking is education and quality.

I have friend whose BPD wife convinced him to adopt a girl from Ethiopia, although they already had two of their own. Later she became a WAW. She was tired of living in his country and kidnapped the children to her own, claiming abuse. It was all nonsense. He and his children suffered immensely because this nonsense.

During the divorce proceedings, she offered him sole custody of the adopted girl in exchange for him relinquishing his biological daughters. He stuck by all three girls, flying two weekends a month to be with them. They forgot their native language French. He learned Swedish through self study.


----------

