# It never ends,,,shes spiralling out of her mind



## Shooboomafoo

SOO,, Ive been divorced for about ten months now. The parenting agreement I have with the ex has her labeled as primary conservator, and her and I share the physical custody of the child on a week on/week off basis. 
So far this has worked great, and was even better when the child was going to daycare, as a means to drop off and pick up the kid. 
But this would have been the last year the girl would have been qualified to go to daycare due to her getting older, so the exwife decided to pull her out of daycare and get her a cellphone. Now, Ive just moved into this neighborhood, have not met but two neighbors there, and the kid has not met any friends at my new house.
At her moms house (the old marital home) our daughter has friends there, we have family friends that live right across the street from there, and her grandmother does not work 2 days out of the week, and is available to be there with our kid. Otherwise, the kid is there at her moms house by herself from the time she gets up to the time at least her grandma gets home from her job over there. 
On the weeks that I have our daughter for visitation, and since the ex took her out of daycare, I have thought it best to still take the kid over to her moms in the morning, drop her off there for the day, and pick her up after work. Otherwise, the kid would be having to stay completely alone for the whole week between the time I go to work and come home at my house.
I dont feel safe enough with my neighborhood, nor do I know anyone that my daughter could go to if there was trouble.
I felt safer with her at her moms house, with neighbors to go to if there was trouble, with friends that live close enough to come over and play, and with a granny that would be there 2 days out of each week.

The ex now wants me to pay more money to her, on top of child support, because "having her here everyday is like having her full time" and she eats lunch there and uses electricity.
Nevermind that the ex's new boyfriend lives there too, and his dog lives there. THREE adult incomes over at that household, and because I feel it safer for my daughter to be over there during the summer days I am at work, my exwife thinks "it only fair that I give more money".

Here we have a woman that removes her child from daycare to save 500 a month in daycare costs, and NOW has overspent to the extent that she wants to guilt me into paying more money because our daughter goes over there during the summer days when we both work. I COULD keep her over at my house, and she seems like she would be fine with it, its just there is no one to go to in case of an emergency, nor are there any friends or days when an adult wont be working and can stay with her...

Why is my exwife not ecstatic that our daughter has a safe place to be during the summer days? To use her needs, as a means with which to attempt to get more money from me?
I dont have it to give honestly. I already pay child support, and have the kid for 50% of the yearly time. The ex gets to claim her on taxes as a dependent, and I dont. The ex has money to drive up north to visit her new b/f who is temporarily working up there, but whose stuff and whose dog is living at the marital home. I guess HE doesnt have any money, but I do??

The sh!t never ends. I watch my exwife turn into a complete mentalcase as time passes. It feels like no matter what I will always be vulnerable to any attack the exwife makes...

If I honestly had the money, I would probably help out, purely out of my own sense of obligation to my kid, but I already pay what the court has ordered. So what, the ex is going to deny my kid a safe place to be during the summer days if I dont cough it up??


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## keko

Is your current child support too high, considering you have a 50/50 custody?


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## Shoeguy

Pack her a lunch to take.

Sorry that is all I have. I had to fight the battle of lunch money at school not being included in child support.

Your right we are at the mercy of whatever crackpot idea they come up with next.

Hope your well. Shoo.

Shoeguy


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## Shooboomafoo

Here in TX, the 50/50 custody doesnt really affect the amount of money one pays for child support. I did however work out an agreement with the ex, that allowed for a lesser support payment, since she would be with me as often as she would, and I made concessions such as her getting to file on taxes for a dependent, and keeping the house, etc.
The ex earns about 40% more than I do every year, her mother who lives there works and contributes to the household budget there, and her new boyfriend has his dog and stuff there, he works, but I doubt he has been asked to help out..
I just happen to be the only person the ex knows where there is a small chance of empathy for her situation and shes decided to manipulate me and the situation for money.
The ex has saved over 500 a month in daycare costs, withdrawing the child from daycare. But shes spent thru that, and now wants money from me, to have our daughter spend the days I have custody, over at her house, where its safer, more familiar, theres an adult there 2 days out of every week, and there are people there that our daughter can go to if there are problems. 
Otherwise, I guess she will stand in the door way and not let her daughter into the house when its my week for custody and I bring her over there? Craziness..


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## that_girl

Pack a lunch.

It is not her bf or mom's responsibility to pay for your kid. It SUCKS but that's the fact. Your daughter will be eating at her mom's house every day this summer and food is expensive.

In the summers when I had our daughter, my ex paid me the money he would have spent on her food. I didn't budget all of that into my bills (I was check to check living).


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## that_girl

But i don't know how much more she's asking for. 

What is she saying she needs? I would think 50 bucks more a month would be enough...


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## Paradise

Let me get this straight. You normally would have her in daycare, right? For 500 a month? Now she isn't in daycare, correct? And that 500 is now going to the ex wife's pocket. Craziness indeed. 

My ex pulls the same crap. a little here, a bit more there and always accompanied by some little bit of guilt. 

You are going to have to draw the line somewhere, shoo. You are going to have to make a decision and then politely be firm about it. Your ex sounds like mine, however. She will constantly repeat the same things over and over until she gets her way. Always a "you should do this" attached to it. 

I get texts and e-mails like this every week or so. Always trying to sway things in her favor just a little. But those little things add up. 

Just smile at her and tell her no problem on the food. You will take care of it. Pack a lunch and a few snacks and send her over. If she complains about that suggest that you will buy some locks for he old cabinets so that your daughter won't be sneaking into them when she is over there.


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## Paradise

Oh, and one more thing....Many states are now giving full credit for overnights. I would look into this and see how it is progressing. Mine just passed this in February of this year. If your ex makes more than you then it might not be long before you are drawing child support from her.


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## lamaga

Oh, honey. My H's ex is similar. I honestly think she's just trying to shake you down for more money. I agree with Paradise.


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## Shooboomafoo

It IS just a money grab.
Shes spent thru that additional 500 she'd normally spend on daycare, and is looking to me to make her life easier. I who operate on one income alone, pays child support out of that, has the child 50% of the time, all for the sake of getting to spend time with the kid. 

I thought exactly that, about packing a lunch for my kid. But I already know that is not what the ex wants. She wants cold, hard cash.. Too little will get me that "NEVER MIND, geez I'm doing it all myself" retort... 
If I give her money, it will never stop, and I will always be the fallback money man.

I am not worried. I dont plan on giving anything extra, as I dont have it to give. If I did have it, I might even help out through this particular summer, but shoot, I am struggling and only have one income in my household. My ex has hers, her moms, her b/f's, and my child support coming in. Shes just stopped paying for daycare so has an additional 500 that yep, goes into her pocket. Where did it all go?????

You see, right now I am busy attempting to pay off and get rid of what 16 years of that kind of money mismanagement can leave a person,, a SH!T load of debt.. Funny how it all came down to "me" having different "wants" in the marriage (per her words)...


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## that_girl

oooh she pays for daycare and now doesn't need to.

Gotcha. Yea. that's crap.

I'd keep her home. Or find my own daycare.


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## keko

She earns 40% more then you, you share 50/50 and yet you pay her for child support? Am I the only one that see's something wrong with this?


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## lamaga

keko said:


> She earns 40% more then you, you share 50/50 and yet you pay her for child support? Am I the only one that see's this wrong?


No.


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## papa5280

One thing I missed is how old your daughter is. That would help me organize my thoughts about the situation.


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## Shooboomafoo

Yes, and the child support that I was paying was supposedly going to help pay for that daycare, and now its just "here you go" money.. I dont even mind that, though.. Its not killing me financially, so its manageable... 
But to continue to find little nitpicky ways to qualify herself for more money from me is one of those things I had hoped I would avoid... DOH!!! as homer would say.


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## Shooboomafoo

keko said:


> She earns 40% more then you, you share 50/50 and yet you pay her for child support? Am I the only one that see's something wrong with this?


I agreed to pay child support in order for her to agree to the 50/50 split of visitation. All of this was hammered out in the meetings we had drawing up our parental agreement, as opposed to fighting all this out in court. She also gets to claim the kid as a dependent on taxes every year, as well as receive the childcare tax credit that comes when the kid is in daycare.
I could have fought all this out in court, but nothing would be "finished" even yet, and the expense would have put me into bankruptcy. 
I conceeded a LOT, just so the ex would agree to the alternating week schedule. Of course all of this was with the idea that daycare would remain the constant. Now that it is not, the situation presents itself where the ex thinks she is having to unfairly pay for things like a lunch, and what electricity her own flesh and blood daughter uses. 

Instead of just being glad that the kid has a safe place to be for the summer. Shes 10 by the way.


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## keko

Shooboomafoo said:


> Yes, and the child support that I was paying was supposedly going to help pay for that daycare, and now its just "here you go" money.. I dont even mind that, though.. Its not killing me financially, so its manageable...
> But to continue to find little nitpicky ways to qualify herself for more money from me is one of those things I had hoped I would avoid... DOH!!! as homer would say.


Its not about you feeling manageable or not. You have to counter it so she wont run to you every time she needs $$. Today its daycare, tomorrow it's going to be a different thing.

Have you thought about going back to court to modify the child support?


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## keko

Shooboomafoo said:


> I agreed to pay child support in order for her to agree to the 50/50 split of visitation. All of this was hammered out in the meetings we had drawing up our parental agreement, as opposed to fighting all this out in court. She also gets to claim the kid as a dependent on taxes every year, as well as receive the childcare tax credit that comes when the kid is in daycare.
> I could have fought all this out in court, but nothing would be "finished" even yet, and the expense would have put me into bankruptcy.
> I conceeded a LOT, just so the ex would agree to the alternating week schedule. Of course all of this was with the idea that daycare would remain the constant. Now that it is not, the situation presents itself where the ex thinks she is having to unfairly pay for things like a lunch, and what electricity her own flesh and blood daughter uses.


Good, now you have documented proof of you parenting your child 50% of the time so unless she has strong evidence of you being unfit she's not going to get primary custody.

It was her stupidity to agree to a 50/50 if she though about drying you up, financially.


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## Shooboomafoo

That was another concession to obtain the 50/50 visitation schedule. Well, I say concession, but its outright impossible for a Dad to get full custody of his daughter here in TX without being able to show the mother as unfit. The infidelity simply does not matter here, and the Standard Order is written in such a way that the pretense is that the mother is the more psychologically close/nurturing parent of the two, and that dads are all workaholic careless drunks that deserve financial ruin and criminal status with their kids. Texas is a hell when it comes to divorces.

The divorce has been over for 10 months now. The exwife has the title of primary conservator, which means she can dictate where the child lives within certain restrictions set up by the court in terms of distance from where I live.


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## keko

I didn't mean for you to go after full custody rather get child support FROM her since you're making much less then her and have same amount of parenting time. So 50/50 would stay the same but you'll be getting $$ from her because of her income difference.

Considering her household has 3 incomes with hers much higher then yours + her ulterior motives, you're being too passive in pursuing what you deserve. I think its time for you to consult multiple lawyers in your county to get an idea of how much time needs to pass after divorce to modify child support and other little things to support your side.


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## keko

Ask the same question on dadsdivorce.com/after divorce section.


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## Lon

Shoo, in your jurisdiction, are your current in-place agreements/concessions legally binding?

Keko is right, there is no reason a court would strip you of more than 50% of the parenting unless you were unfit or agreed it was in the best interest of the child (the financial trade-off will probably carry no weight). So if you went to the court and filed for 50% custody and requested child support payment be made to you, you would have a very good chance of getting this (unless like I mentioned if your prior agreement is legally binding - where I live agreements are not binding unless it is signed by a judge and can be overturned by a judge if it is ever shown to be in the child's best interest).

Your ex has no grounds to stand on, she sacrificed more time with her daughter in order to receive financial payout, and now you are essentially offering her more time with her daughter and she expects you to pay her more? That's backwards.


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## Paradise

keko said:


> She earns 40% more then you, you share 50/50 and yet you pay her for child support? Am I the only one that see's something wrong with this?


My ex fought hard to ensure that she has my child 1 more night every two weeks. Not because that night was important that she has the child, but because in my state the parent with the most overnights gets to claim to be the primary household. To top that off, most states only allow up to a percentage of credits for overnights. My ex knew this and even though I have my daughter just shy of half the time I would only get credit for 20% of overnights. This is really a load of crap. But, my state just passed up to 50-50 credit so it doesn't matter anymore. Plus, as of this Friday she is re-married so she will have to claim total income into the home. 

Shoo, look into this stuff, man.


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## Ano

How old is your daughter? Old enough to have a voice in this situation?


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## UpnDown

Was it written in the agreement that the money you gave her would be going to daycare only??

Also .. if she makes 40% more than you and you guys have 50 / 50 custody .. how are YOU paying HER child support?? I make about 40% more than stbxw and I have to pay her on 50 / 50.

Pack her a lunch for your weeks, that's all you need to do.


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## DaKarmaTrain!

Shooboomafoo said:


> SOO,, Ive been divorced for about ten months now. The parenting agreement I have with the ex has her labeled as primary conservator, and her and I share the physical custody of the child on a week on/week off basis.
> So far this has worked great, and was even better when the child was going to daycare, as a means to drop off and pick up the kid.
> But this would have been the last year the girl would have been qualified to go to daycare due to her getting older, so the exwife decided to pull her out of daycare and get her a cellphone. Now, Ive just moved into this neighborhood, have not met but two neighbors there, and the kid has not met any friends at my new house.
> At her moms house (the old marital home) our daughter has friends there, we have family friends that live right across the street from there, and her grandmother does not work 2 days out of the week, and is available to be there with our kid. Otherwise, the kid is there at her moms house by herself from the time she gets up to the time at least her grandma gets home from her job over there.
> On the weeks that I have our daughter for visitation, and since the ex took her out of daycare, I have thought it best to still take the kid over to her moms in the morning, drop her off there for the day, and pick her up after work. Otherwise, the kid would be having to stay completely alone for the whole week between the time I go to work and come home at my house.
> I dont feel safe enough with my neighborhood, nor do I know anyone that my daughter could go to if there was trouble.
> I felt safer with her at her moms house, with neighbors to go to if there was trouble, with friends that live close enough to come over and play, and with a granny that would be there 2 days out of each week.
> 
> The ex now wants me to pay more money to her, on top of child support, because "having her here everyday is like having her full time" and she eats lunch there and uses electricity.
> Nevermind that the ex's new boyfriend lives there too, and his dog lives there. THREE adult incomes over at that household, and because I feel it safer for my daughter to be over there during the summer days I am at work, my exwife thinks "it only fair that I give more money".
> 
> Here we have a woman that removes her child from daycare to save 500 a month in daycare costs, and NOW has overspent to the extent that she wants to guilt me into paying more money because our daughter goes over there during the summer days when we both work. I COULD keep her over at my house, and she seems like she would be fine with it, its just there is no one to go to in case of an emergency, nor are there any friends or days when an adult wont be working and can stay with her...
> 
> Why is my exwife not ecstatic that our daughter has a safe place to be during the summer days? To use her needs, as a means with which to attempt to get more money from me?
> I dont have it to give honestly. I already pay child support, and have the kid for 50% of the yearly time. The ex gets to claim her on taxes as a dependent, and I dont. The ex has money to drive up north to visit her new b/f who is temporarily working up there, but whose stuff and whose dog is living at the marital home. I guess HE doesnt have any money, but I do??
> 
> The sh!t never ends. I watch my exwife turn into a complete mentalcase as time passes. It feels like no matter what I will always be vulnerable to any attack the exwife makes...
> 
> If I honestly had the money, I would probably help out, purely out of my own sense of obligation to my kid, but I already pay what the court has ordered. So what, the ex is going to deny my kid a safe place to be during the summer days if I dont cough it up??


I go through similiar sh!t Shoo.

Tell her to fvck off.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

In my state, the cost of child care is a big factor in the child support ordered. So just ask the court to make an amendment according to the new situation where there is no child care. Of course, there are laws about leaving children under a certain age on their own. In my state, it's 12. Let Mommy explain why she leaves a 10 year old girl alone in a house all day! When the child could be going to a day care where her needs, including that of security and self-esteem and friendships and activities, were being met. I remember being 10 and going home to an empty house after school, even for two hours it s*cked big time. You cannot imagine how it feels, even if the child doesn't tell you, even if you have all these amenities like cell phones and tv and food in the fridge, 10 is way too young to be left alone all day. wtf, people even send their dogs to doggie day care when they go to work, rather than leave them home all day. Kids need social interaction. She will end up with mental problems, fantasy thinking, etc. as a result. It will also leave her more exposed to predators, as she won't have adult supervision or care and will be feeling vulnerable to anyone who gives her the time of day. What are you guys thinking? Even if it costs you out of pocket, for God's sake put the girl back in her day care on your weeks. As her parent, you can do that, you do not have to do what her mother does. Her mother is out to lunch on this one, a 10 year old cannot be left alone all day on a regular basis.

I don't see why you couldn't tell the court you are going to enroll child in child care while she's still age-eligible, and have that reflected in the support you pay as you will pay the child care place directly. If your ex doesn't use child care then naturally she will get less support, if there is a formula in place as there is here that takes that cost into consideration.


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## Shooboomafoo

In TX, Child protective services has no age set for allowing the child to stay home alone. I imagine they only look into it if theres an issue or problem.
I think you have to wait 3 years before you can revisit the child support issue here. But in reality, the amount of support I pay was worked out in the mediation meetings, and is not as much as the state would have arbitrarily given going by their standard percentages. Unless I fought it out with attorneys, went thru the financial affidavit process, etc. I remember thinking to myself if I had only had the money to pay a good attorney to really settle this, I'd love to see her "very much entitled" attitude be squashed.
Court, and leaving it up to them, was not a risk I was willing to take, I just wanted the time with my kid, so I made the deal desirable. I didnt think to account for everything, but luckily the agreement is based upon our mutual agreement, and if that is unable to be reached, mediation.

Good news is, the friends I have that live 2 minutes away, who have the daughter the same age as mine, and who I and my kid have known for years as close personal friends of ours has offered to have her over there on my weeks during the summer days I have to work. She'll have two friends there, and someone old enough to watch over them. Its kind of an answer to a prayer for me. No more trips to her moms house (the old marital home) for me.


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## keko

Shooboomafoo said:


> I think you have to wait 3 years before you can revisit the child support issue here. But in reality, the amount of support I pay was worked out in the mediation meetings, and is not as much as the state would have arbitrarily given going by their standard percentages.


Call your disctrict to see if really is 3 years, I think almost all states are just a few months after divorce. Again dadsdivorce.com has plenty of users from TX.

I also don't see how your deal was desirable. You both work yet she makes much more then you and you were expecting her to have full custody to settle for a 50/50 and pay support. From your other threads I remember you also took on plenty of debt of hers (correct me if Im wrong)? You need to play the victim card and pursue child support FROM her, instead of funding her travels to bf and bf's dog food.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Shooboomafoo said:


> Good news is, the friends I have that live 2 minutes away, who have the daughter the same age as mine, and who I and my kid have known for years as close personal friends of ours has offered to have her over there on my weeks during the summer days I have to work. She'll have two friends there, and someone old enough to watch over them. Its kind of an answer to a prayer for me. No more trips to her moms house (the old marital home) for me.


That's awesome! As a Quaker, I'm glad this could be resolved with prayer and divine (and friends') intervention rather than courts and litigation. No little girl should be left alone like that for so long and so often. I know, in a couple years she'll be babysitting, but she'll be ready for it. Ideally when she is ready to be left on her own, it will be for short periods of time. It's too bad her mom doesn't feel the same way and the State of Texas doesn't have the wherewithall to make laws to protect children (I know they would be real difficult to enforce.) Make sure she knows she can call you and talk to you any time when she is home alone at her mom's :-(


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## Shooboomafoo

I dont think I was wrong to tell her I thought it was chickensh!t to use her daughter's needs for a safe place during summer days as a means to exact a charge from me. I told her this would be the last week she needed to go over there, and that Ive packed her a lunch. I told her I hoped that our kid's electrical usage was not too financially burdensome for her, and asked what shes done with the money she's saving from pulling the kid out of daycare.

I guess the responsibility is mine to find a safe place for my kid to be during my weeks of visitation, during the summer days that I am at work. I didnt intend on weasling out of anything... Daycare, was the place, even if this was the last year she qualified to go. I assumed the childsupport I was paying was helping with those costs. But since the ex pulled her out of it, and has her mom watch her 2 days out of the week, and the other 3 are days alone with 2 dogs, the benefits of that location far outweighed staying at my house by herself. But maybe I should have seen this as opening myself up to being liable for the ex wanting money for the kid staying at her house during my weeks.
It is as it always has been. THIS is why my stomach drops to my legs when I see an email from her, or a text message from her. Its NEVER anything other than some form of wanting money from me, or some problem. We are DIVORCED!!! Leave me the FK alone!!!
Almost a year after divorce and I feel as vulnerable to her capacity to fk up my life as I did when I was married to her, trying to make something out of all of it despite her counterefforts.


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## Shooboomafoo

Well, she didnt like my answer. Apparently I am more of an "a$$ than she ever thought"..

How sixteen years of longsuffering a sexless marriage, debt piled on top of debt and the literal and obvious hatred I received for suggesting we stop amassing debt and try to change our plan. As if "that" didnt contribute to marital strife, even little things, like "other men" being the constant topic between her and her closest friends sort of always held me in the back seat, you know?

I really dont want to have a negative affiliation with this woman, but the store is closed. If saying "no" makes me into an a$$ in her book, then I guess I should consider the source, and the level of competent judgement that exists there..


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## Lon

Shoo, she's a bigger ass than you ever thought.


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## Paradise

Shoo, good for you for setting some boundaries and figuring out an answer to this problem that works for you, not for your ex. This was a pretty powerful move on your part. And of course her response was expected. It's the "if I don't get my way then I'm going to put someone else down so that I feel better about myself." 

And everything you typed in you last post would require her to take some bit of responsibility and you and I both know that is not going to happen. I just keep wondering if your ex and mine were separated after birth or are at the very least long lost cousins. They have to be of the same bloodline.


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## Shooboomafoo

The divorce, as I refer to it now, which encompasses the entire span of finding out something was going on, to dealing with continued issues a year after official divorce date, was something that forced me to look seriously at other areas of my life that were stagnant and unproductive. Ive had a sht week so far with the realization that fifteen years at this job has gotten me no where.
Really tough market for searching, so it feels really confining. This has to be the most backwards company Ive ever worked for since the new owners bought out the place, and turned it into bizarro world, where there are no raises, maybe bonuses, but nothing to count on, no reviews... Successes like rebuilding a server and getting everyone reconnected and data restored from a failed HD or board, are completely lost on a ceo that cant tell when his ink is depleted in his printer. I was hired in the engineering design field for this company, have become the sole person for this and overseas branches doing this work, but took on the other IT issues and many other "functions" in order to increase my value. Now, its been just time passed, and its all been folded under the current salary as what I do here. 
I guess I feel like its been compounded by the divorce. Now that Ive gotten out of one bad deal, I'd really like to find a company where I can be a core part of, and realize growth there, and not have so many talents lost on purposeful ignorance or out right declination of the value of what I do, for the pure sake of being cheap.
This place truly has become bizarroworld, as nothing is as it should be according to other companies Ive worked at that shared many common systems and levels of hierarchy. This here is just bullsh!t, and its been for a long time and its taking me no where. 
Time to freshen up the resume'.


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## DaKarmaTrain!

Shoo, absolutely no disrespect intended but it seems to me from many of your posts you are too 'mamby-pamby' with her.

Your responses which garnered a response calling you an @$$ is the way you have to do things with her...as long as it is not in front of the kid, who cares? She'll learn soon enough not to try and raise your ire.

BTW, I got called a '[email protected]' recently, so I am one up on you


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## Lon

My *EX* W came to buy back one of the pieces of furniture she left behind which we had already settled in the separation agreement. She was pretty angry that I expected her to pay me for it, but I didn't budge.

I have been doing some serious yardwork lately, the yard has never looked this nice, she always wanted to have a nice garden and would never agree with my ideas or give me the time to do the work since she was always sleeping in or going out on the weekends leaving me to spend all my time with my son... she planted some really crappy plants in the dirt and it was almost embarrasing - Anyway, when she came to pick up the furniture, she intentionally didn't say anything about it (which is totally unlike her, so I KNOW she noticed, and it me feel a little good to show her things are going good in my life).

She also arrived in a nice truck, that I am really curious who she borrowed from, but I feigned complete disinterest which she was probably also not expecting.

So I suppose it is a game, this whole NC and being dark thing, even after all this time I still feel like I have to play it, but atleast I play it well.


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## Shooboomafoo

DaKarmaTrain! said:


> Shoo, absolutely no disrespect intended but it seems to me from many of your posts you are too 'mamby-pamby' with her.
> 
> Your responses which garnered a response calling you an @$$ is the way you have to do things with her...as long as it is not in front of the kid, who cares? She'll learn soon enough not to try and raise your ire.
> 
> BTW, I got called a '[email protected]' recently, so I am one up on you


Oh hey, no disrespect taken, and I totally understand what you mean. The kind of mamby pamby you are talking about comes when the ex literally has the power to negatively influence or impact my previously unstable rebound into my own life. Now that things have settled, and ironed out on my end, she can no longer negatively affect these things by any stretch of nutso she tries to pursue. I had to tread lightly. With such things as the roof over my head, and time with my kid at stake, the rationale seemed reasonable.
But I am getting stronger now, and there are not so many critical things up in the air that she can effect. I dont have to deal or be affected by things she does. For instance, removing the kid from daycare created a scenario that suddenly I had to find and finance a safe place for the kid to be while in my custody. In my ex's eyes, she is saving money and not causing any issues in her own life. But my visitation, finances, time with the kid, etc., are all effected by the ex's decisions... I dont like being subject to that, and luckily the instances where that is possible are not in jeopardy anymore.

I do have to keep tabs on that old "sense of duty" though. For so long thats been the GPS of my life and sense of value for myself. I am kind of lost right now in regards to finding the inherent value in myself, and the pride that I should have in myself. The triumphs and successes Ive achieved at work are lost on people that have no inclination to acknowledge, because of their brand-x self-benefitting willful denial of the value I create here, simply to remain cheap. So, in looking here for a sense of value for myself, I know that what I do is highly detrimental to the success of the company, but unfortunately I work for people whose integrity is blown to sh!t by their own greed and sense of inadequacy. Unfortunately too, that this has worked for them, and theyve achieved growth and promotion, and really Ive come to realize this place is also a waste of my valuable time, just like staying with the ex would have been. So I am gathering my cleaning supplies, because sh!ts about to hit the fan in my life, and I hope that outcome is worthy of the effort.


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## DaKarmaTrain!

Shooboomafoo said:


> I do have to keep tabs on that old "sense of duty" though. For so long thats been the GPS of my life and sense of value for myself.


Good for you. That is one thing about this mess in my life; a lot of anger/bitterness in my heart. It sometimes clouds my judgement and I am constantly pestering friends to see if a certain course of action in regards to her is wise/just or just me trying to be a d!ck


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## Shooboomafoo

Well, that sense of duty was what led me down that garden path....so be as big a d!ck as you have to be to keep from being screwed over by the ex's craziness.


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## keko

Shoo, have you looked into the possiblity of getting child support from her?


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## Shooboomafoo

Hey Keko!
I have looked into it, and before anything else, its going to require some upfront financing that I dont have (lawyer).
Im not really seeking CS from her. The parenting agreement was signed as a beacon of my word, and I wont go back on my word, unless she leaves no alternative. 
I am doing what I know I am supposed to be doing for now, establishing a history of timely payments, honoring my word to the court, such that when sh!t hits the fan, I will have done my part, and have a leg to stand on when and if the issue is ever revisited.


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## DaKarmaTrain!

Shooboomafoo said:


> Hey Keko!
> I have looked into it, and before anything else, its going to require some upfront financing that I dont have (lawyer).
> Im not really seeking CS from her. The parenting agreement was signed as a beacon of my word, and I wont go back on my word, unless she leaves no alternative.
> I am doing what I know I am supposed to be doing for now, establishing a history of timely payments, honoring my word to the court, such that when sh!t hits the fan, I will have done my part, and have a leg to stand on when and if the issue is ever revisited.


And if you do go after support, you can get back-support.

CHA-CHING!


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## keko

One thing to keep in mind is the longer you continue to pay her the firmer status quo get, in the eyes of a judge.


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## DaKarmaTrain!

keko said:


> One thing to keep in mind is the longer you continue to pay her the firmer status quo get, in the eyes of a judge.


Good point keko.

Shoo, you may want to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak.

I know you mentioned no cash for a lawyer, but what about self-representation? I'm doing that right now. As long as you can you can put together a finanacial statement/prepare affadavits etc. you can present your case. As she makes more (and you have 50/50 custody) I'd say you have a decent shot.

And I know you are worried about keeping your word. That is very admirable and sorely lacking in much of mankind these days. But she is the one who didn't keep 'her word' (marital vows). Its a dog-eat-dog world out there Shoo.

And unfortunately nice guys finish last


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