# want to leave but scared



## almostgone (Jan 12, 2013)

ive been with my husband for 5 years now.so far he has been controlling,he kicked me out of the house in the middle of the nite when my son was a week old without my baby.only to let me back in later after me histerically screaming i want my baby!he has drug me out of the house by my hair.he has thrown me on the ground and told me the only way i wa sleaving was in the trunk of his car.that time ill admit i tried to smash a glass across his head.he refuses to let me have the kids if i leave..and im not leaving withut them.he says if i go to my mothers house he will slit her throat. tonite he got angry because i called the landlord because a electrical outlet caught my hair on fire when it broke.the electric is bad..and he refuses to fix anything.since i called the landlord he decided i was going to be punished by cleaning out the closets and the garage etc.he says if i act like a child ill get treated like one.i am so stupid but i feel broken.i feel weak,like im dead inside.i dont think i can ever be with anyone ever again if i do leave because being touched bymen makes me want to have a panic attack.i think about leaving when he is at work to go to a shelter but one i keep hoping hell change,two i convnce myself i am the problem that im crazy,three i dont want to get in trouble for taking the kids,because he will be enraged.its hopeless.it seems like evefryone in my life since i was a child has treated me like crap..im so depressed.i was molested as a little girl by a family member,i was bullied in school,my father tried to give me up to the state,ive been used for sex by men,and 2 out of 3 long term relationships have been abusive both mentally and physically.the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my kids.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Some quick questions while I write a longer answer...

Is your husband at home with you 24/7? 

How man children do you have and how old are they?

Do you have any access to any money?


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline... Go to a shelter. Leave. Abusers don't magically change... Break the cycle if not for yourself, then for your kids. 

I was in an abusive relationship for 12 yrs. My ex threatened to kill me numerous times. I've been thru extensive group and individual therapy... There is a lot of help out there for you.. but you need to take the first step.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep do what pepper says. They will come and get you and the children.

Since he's gone during the work day you have a window of time most days when you can do this. If you have any access to $$ empty the bank account on your way to the shelter.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Here is the number: 1-800-799-SAFE

Please get out of there... And also don't let him threaten to use the children as pawns against you. Leave... Take your phone. If he calls and harassed you let him get your VM and leave messages. Then call 911 and play the VM for the police. This is exactly what happened to me, and the police arrested my ex on DV and terrorist threats as a result. You can do this...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes you can do this....

Do you have a cell phone? If you do, does he already leave threatening messages and txts on it?


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## idkwot2do (Dec 29, 2012)

I think you are young in your early twenties. You remind me of myself about 15 years ago ....I went through very similar things with my husband in the beginning and I know I was very weak and I allowed those things to happen. 
You feel weak now because you are alone in the world but I can promis you that in time you WILL get stronger and you will realise that you can do much better and that your children deserve to have a better father figure. Dont wait until you have wasted so many years before you do something.
He will never change he sounds as abusive as they get and hes doesnt love you at all.
Love doesnt hurt like that, love doesnt treat you so incredibly bad. But you think this is what love is because you have never known anything better.
There are so many good men in the world who can show you love, you deserve to know what it really feels like. Take your children and run as fast as you can you will never be happy living like that and neither will your children. Get help, call a womans shelter, a hotline , a friend.

I wish you the best, and good luck.


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## Very Sad (Mar 31, 2013)

Definitely leave! He threatens if you leave he'll do this or that, but if you don't he's going to kill you or hurt/kill one of the kids. He's dangerous and sounds crazy. It's not you, but he's enjoying that you get less and less self confidence because that way he can be worse without him having to worry you'll leave. Document everything he has done or said and call a shelter.


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