# Feeling confused and lost



## Emiaj24! (Sep 26, 2017)

Hi, this is my first time posting I am completely lost and confused and heart broken. My husband and I have been together for 11 years we have always had a lot of problems and have split up a few times in the past and he even filed for divorce a few years back. A lot of the problems were my fault. I did cheat on him a few years back. I have been very selfish and probably verbally abusive that last year. I started drinking a lot and staying out after work. I originally ended things with my husband a few months backs after we had a huge fight( we still live together ) I realized a lot of things over the that last few week that I need to stop and fix which I have. I do love my husband and I don't want to just give up on us. The only problem is he says it's to late. 
We have had a pretty toxic relationship so I can't really blame him. The house we live in is his moms we were suppose to be doing a rent to own but never signed anything she's using the house against our marriage. She's evicting us if he stays with me but if he leaves me he can move back in. Idk if I should leave before or stay and actually get evicted? 
My husband goes out all the time now with his friends but always comes home. The person he is being is not himself. He runs his own business and hasn't been bringing in an income as he's out all night and sleeps all day. He said he's depressed. He says he can't trust me and that I waited to fix things too long. He says he wished we didn't have to split up but we do. He's threatened to file for legal separation. All of our bills are falling behind. 
My husband has just recently started sleeping in bed again. He rubs my back and snuggles. We never stopped having sex yet even when he was sleeping on the couch. He asked me if I loved him the other day and I said yes. We have a tripped planned to Jamaica in February just last week he filled out my passport application and gave it to me he says just in case something changes then I can still go. He asked me today if I went and got it done yet. 
I'm suppose to move into our old house he says he will help me but hasn't done anything he said he would like fix the fence for the dogs or help fix the yard. He keeps saying he wants to switch my phone out of his name but always has an excuse why he can't meet me to do it. 
I feel like there are so many mixed signals. He says he doesn't want to be with me but then he will come and lay in bed with me and hold me. I have been trying so hard to fix us and have changed a lot already. He is even starting to notice and say things. I am so confused and lost.


----------



## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Did you ever receive any counseling for the things that caused you to cheat on him.

Usually, there are some underlying issues that cause this character defect.

People who cheat generally do not love themselves well enough to be in a relationship.


----------



## Emiaj24! (Sep 26, 2017)

ButtPunch said:


> Did you ever receive any counseling for the things that caused you to cheat on him.
> 
> Usually, there are some underlying issues that cause this character defect.
> 
> People who cheat generally do not love themselves well enough to be in a relationship.


Yes we went to marriage counseling together. I'm currently going a few times a week by myself.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You need to separate.

He is too weak to totally cut the cord.
He is too weak to work. Having you around reminds him of the painful things.

Having you around triggers him, I am sure. He see you and the other man....not just you.

Once he is on his own he should be able to function.
Get him to the doctor for anti-anxiety meds.

He is an adult and needs to act like one.

What? Does he want you to bring him back to life?
Ain't gonna happen.

Separate for at least a year. See what happens.

His sullen depressed attitude, his not working his job anymore.....he is punishing you...for hurting him.
He is rubbing his pain in your face...all at his own expense and sanity.
No, he does not know he is doing this...but he is.


----------



## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

You are both a mess. At a minimum you need a good period of separation to work on yourselves (counselling) in my opinion. Go no contact with no rules for 6 months and see where you both are after that.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have an income? a job?


----------



## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

He doesn't really want to be with you but he's afraid to be alone. I know because I used to be exactly like him, although when I found out for sure my wife cheated, I somehow managed to pull myself out of my stupor, file for divorce, and move out. I had no choice since we had a son and my wife (now ex) goes on binge drinking stints that can last 3 weeks and when that happens she doesn't do anything but drink, sleep, eat scraps of food and yell. I ended up moving into a tiny house (2 rooms and really only one usable) and taking my son with me. On top of that we were living in a foreign country where my wife spoke the language while my skills were weak. Fortunately my 8 year old son actually helped me out there as well as some friends.


----------

