# Financial selfish and over critical husband



## professorx (Feb 4, 2013)

Hi everyone,
I am 30 years old and have been marriage for 5 years and 5 months and my husband (36) treats me like his "awful" roommate. While I was in college, I used to work part time and used my money to help around the house with groceries, supplies, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and with the care of our two dogs. My husband has a nice job that pays fairly descent and he has other incomes from his family's trust. He pays our utilities which is around 500 dollars per month. Our house is paid off. 

My husband always claims that I do not help with anything and that the house is always dirty. I was a full time student up to may last year and worked 20 hours per week and interned one day a week. I was no housewife and cleaning was definitely not my priority, but I did my best, particularly with the cooking (usually 4-5 days per week). Proposed we shared a roomba (400 dollars) to help with he dog hair accumulation, but he said he would not participate. He never cleaned a single dish or loaded the dishwasher since I moved in. He also likes to say that he pays for everything even when we go out (which we rarely do and when we do is the restaurant in our neighborhood). He spends a lot of his money going on fishing trips, which is fine. But he does not take care of the house, which is falling apart. My opinion never counts even if is where we should put the couch. The only time he looks for me is when he wants to have sex, and I just do not feel like it anymore. He never has a good comment about anything and most of my ideas are stupid. He always brings me down somehow and it is impossible to have a conversation with him without ending in argument. He raises his voice for no reason. 

I propose we opened a savings acc together to remodel the bathroom and he told me I was insane, that I had to money to spend, and that I had no idea what real life is. Last year my car broke and he bought me an old car falling apart with dog vomit, hair, and feces all over the carpet. The ac broke 7 months later and I had to go through phoenix summer without air. He told me it was my fault the air broke. Meanwhile he was driving a Mercedes, had a pickup camper, and was looking into buying a 80's stick sports car. I recently got a good job with the government and I am basically making the same amount of money as he does (he makes more because of the trust, though). I thought things would get better, but I was wrong. He has $$92,000 in his saving acc and I asked him to land me $7,800 so I could buy a new car before summer started and that I would pay him back up to December. I was trying to avoid dealers fees and taxes. He told me he wants no business with me. I was devastated. I am not originally from the USA and moved her 7 years ago. I managed to graduate from Arizona State University with a degree in cell biology, working 20 hours per week and interning another 8 hour per week, and I got a job working for the state of Arizona. I did all without his help or support, but still he makes me feel like I am undeserving. I am very cautious with money and have never asked my husband for anything. I once had to go visit my mom in my country and I only had the money for the plane ticket and some petty cash and he told me that all he had to give me was 40 dollars. And off I went crying in the airplane. 

I have always been faithful and I take care of him, but lately it has become harder and harder for me to deal with this. I am fit and take care of myself and did not change a single bit from when he met me. It makes me suffer. I feel humiliated. This has been going on for 4 years. Do not know if I can take it anymore.


----------



## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Have you talked to him about these things and what does he say?

Do you even have one joint account together?


----------



## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

He is being abusive and his behaviour is not one of a husband that loves and cherishes his wife. 

I suggest you give him an ultimatum, either he starts appreciating you and combinging things like a true married couple and agress to marital counseling or you divorce.


----------



## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

He sounds like he just married you just to be his live-in maid and sex slave, not a wife. His actions are very one-sided and all about him. I can understand why you feel the way you do.

Since you make a similar income, it sounds like you could live on your own. Are you eligible to stay in the states without being married to this man?

I would keep a journal for documentation of and also a voice activiated recorder (VAR) to tape the things he says to you. This is more for your protection in case he tries to call the police on you or he gets violent and tries to deny his actions.

Take a little bit of your money and save it in your savings account. You will need some cash if/when you leave this man. Make copies of any important documents and store them in a safe location that he does not know about. I say these things because if you tell him you are leaving, he may go off the deep end. 

This man is not healthy for you and shows no signs of being a decent husband. I suspect he will never change. You are young, get away from him and look for better in your life.


----------



## professorx (Feb 4, 2013)

We never had a joint bank account. I can support myself now, but I just started making enough money. I save as much as I can. Sometimes up to 40% of my paycheck. I am a resident of the US and I do not need him for papers or anything related. We haven't spoken since Sunday and he does not seem to be bothered by it. I wonder if he is tired too of this situation too. I also have found out today that in December he inherited a good sum of money from his late mother and he never told me about it and in the legal papers he claimed he was single (the money is from an APT in France). How can someone be so crazy? 
I talked to him many times about my feelings and how I suffer with all the things he does and say. His answer was always: "I know I am a jerk". And I always stayed. I feel dumb. I am very sad and even though I know I am not in love with him anymore due to all the emotional destruction he has caused me, I still care. I never imagined I would be in this situation considering the way I always treated him. Sometimes I dream with him and it is him physically, but he is not the same man. He is kind and happy to be near me.


----------

