# How to temporarily muzzle libido?



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

I'd like to be able to be have low libido for certain periods of time.

I expect the first thing I'll see posted is masturbation. Doesn't always work for me.

A shot of bourbon might, but I'm curious to know about dependable ways to go about it. Preferably over the counter if possible. Being able to drive safely is a big plus, though in one situation walking is a good option if the weather is okay.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> I'd like to be able to be have low libido for certain periods of time.
> 
> I expect the first thing I'll see posted is masturbation. Doesn't always work for me.
> 
> A shot of bourbon might, but I'm curious to know about dependable ways to go about it. Preferably over the counter if possible. Being able to drive safely is a big plus, though in one situation walking is a good option if the weather is okay.


Why do you want this?


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

My big question would be, why would you want too?


----------



## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> I'd like to be able to be have low libido for certain periods of time.
> 
> I expect the first thing I'll see posted is masturbation. Doesn't always work for me.
> 
> A shot of bourbon might, but I'm curious to know about dependable ways to go about it. Preferably over the counter if possible. Being able to drive safely is a big plus, though in one situation walking is a good option if the weather is okay.


Exercise the art of semen retention.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

UAArchangel said:


> Exercise the art of semen retention.


Sounds like the description of what my XW was doing! 🤣🤣🤣


----------



## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Numb26 said:


> Sounds like the description of what my XW was doing! 🤣🤣🤣


She was helping you to become a better man.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

https://www.hmpgloballearningnetwork.com/site/altc/articles/cimetidine-treatment-sexually-inappropriate-behavior-dementia-case-report-and-literature?amp



Take Tagamet which is an over the counter acid reducer. Psychiatrists use it for old dudes with dementia who are acting sexually inappropriate.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Julie's Husband said:


> I'd like to be able to be have low libido for certain periods of time.
> 
> I expect the first thing I'll see posted is masturbation. Doesn't always work for me.
> 
> A shot of bourbon might, but I'm curious to know about dependable ways to go about it. Preferably over the counter if possible. Being able to drive safely is a big plus, though in one situation walking is a good option if the weather is okay.


This doesn't sound healthy to me at all. Those drives and urges are biological, so only something that cuts off your normal, healthy biological functioning would do what you are asking, and that's just a BAD idea. 

You are basically talking about castration...WHY would any man seriously seek that out??


----------



## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Have you tried gluing pictures of Nancy Pelosi onto the inside lenses of your glasses?


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

I wish to avoid having an erection during medical exams. This has happened once and WILL NOT happen again.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

LisaDiane said:


> This doesn't sound healthy to me at all. Those drives and urges are biological, so only something that cuts off your normal, healthy biological functioning would do what you are asking, and that's just a BAD idea.
> 
> You are basically talking about castration...WHY would any man seriously seek that out??


Temporary reduction as in the couple of hours for a medical exam. Not castration. I've already been there and don't care to go back.


----------



## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> I wish to avoid having an erection during medical exams. This has happened once and WILL NOT happen again.


Have you thought of a tourniquet?


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

UAArchangel said:


> Have you thought of a tourniquet?


Too showy.


----------



## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> This doesn't sound healthy to me at all. Those drives and urges are biological, so only something that cuts off your normal, healthy biological functioning would do what you are asking, and that's just a BAD idea.
> 
> You are basically talking about castration...WHY would any man seriously seek that out??


Read the thread how many times have you been turned.down


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Julie's Husband said:


> I'd like to be able to be have low libido for certain periods of time.
> 
> I expect the first thing I'll see posted is masturbation. Doesn't always work for me.
> 
> A shot of bourbon might, but I'm curious to know about dependable ways to go about it. Preferably over the counter if possible. Being able to drive safely is a big plus, though in one situation walking is a good option if the weather is okay.


Using drugs is not a good idea. Be careful for what you ask for .......as you might get it. Seriously older men are generally more worried about not getting it up at the right time than getting it up at the wrong time. Doing things to prevent natural bodily reactions is potentially dangerous.

Besides doctors are medical professionals and have seen it all. Get over your embarrasment or based on past posts, find a different doctor and having him bring a nurse with him to make sure nothing inappropriate happens. 

Good luck and lighten up.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> I wish to avoid having an erection during medical exams. This has happened once and WILL NOT happen again.


Doctors have seen that. it’s natural reaction. I know mine twitched when his finger hit my prostate. Honestly. it’s no big - no pun intended - deal to a doctor.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Don't medicate yourself. Think about something gross, or something boring like baseball. When I was younger an image of John Goodman sitting on the toilet in my head helped me get over finishing quickly. Maybe this thought will work for you. Yeah I know TMI, but you seem open ideas.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Watch the daily _Soap Operas, 90 Day Fiance, Queer Eye, The Kardashians, The Housewives of Where ever series, The Shah of LA, those reality shows._

The drama seen there is more than enough to keep your flag pole down.

Sorta like when a man goes skinny dippin' in an icy lake.
What once stood out, now disappears inside all that adipose.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Julie's Husband said:


> I wish to avoid having an erection during medical exams. This has happened once and WILL NOT happen again.


Quit braggin' Dude!

Some of these conversation _Threads_ are TMI, and they seem....._ prurient._

Yep, that's it!


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TinyTbone said:


> Read the thread how many times have you been turned.down


Are you asking ME this, or is it rhetorical...? I don't really understand what you wrote here...


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Julie's Husband said:


> Temporary reduction as in the couple of hours for a medical exam. Not castration. I've already been there and don't care to go back.


I am sure they have seen it happen multiple times.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Julie's Husband said:


> I'd like to be able to be have low libido for certain periods of time.
> 
> I expect the first thing I'll see posted is masturbation. Doesn't always work for me.
> 
> A shot of bourbon might, but I'm curious to know about dependable ways to go about it. Preferably over the counter if possible. Being able to drive safely is a big plus, though in one situation walking is a good option if the weather is okay.


Go to a local trans center and tell them you identify as a 14 year old boy that wants to become a girl. They should prescribe you hormone blockers or Male Castration pills (same pills given to convicted pedofiles).


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Julie's Husband said:


> Temporary reduction as in the couple of hours for a medical exam. Not castration. I've already been there and don't care to go back.


come on, dude, boner or not no boner you will be in front of medical personnel that will not care one bit if you do or don't. They work with live human bodies day in day out. 

I'm just wondering, are you really that repressed to get all bend out of shape because you might develop a hard-on while going to a medical procedure, really? Do you think that those in the medical field do not remember their physiology classes? get over it, and over your embarrassing concerns. They will not care one way or another, and after the procedure is done they won't remember you and or your boner.


----------



## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> Are you asking ME this, or is it rhetorical...? I don't really understand what you wrote here...


What I'm saying is another thread there are many husbands and some wives who rarely have sex and are told no 9 out of 10 times when initiating. Some of these folks really love their SO and for their own reasons stay within partners and accept almost sexless marriages. This could be one where the SO is stopping short of of chemical castration. Didnt really specify why. All im inferring is have you been told no so many times you just wish there was a way to suppress your libido.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Young at Heart said:


> Besides doctors are medical professionals and have seen it all. Get over your embarrasment or based on past posts, find a different doctor and having him bring a nurse with him to make sure nothing inappropriate happens.


🙂

It is not their sense of modesty that is being violated so what they think is irrelevant. For me this is an absolute boundary.

This has been an ongoing issue for me most of my life. My libido doesn't care who touches me, it is all about the touch.

I do appreciate having a chaperone as long as s/he is a qualified medical provider and not a desk jockey.

I've dumped my ****head PCP, in part because I am not sure about his preventive treatment. He seems to be uncomfortable touching me. I'm good with that except that means I am not getting the medical treatment I visualize as being necessary. He seemed to give less than a damn when I told him I had prostate cancer. If he had been performing the exams that I dread, I might have been on top of cancer treatment two to three years earlier.

The irony of it.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Doctors have seen that. it’s natural reaction. I know mine twitched when his finger hit my prostate. Honestly. it’s no big - no pun intended - deal to a doctor.


Not concerned with how the doctor feels. I think in a way I feel that reaction to others is a betrayal to my wife. That is our private place.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Go to a local trans center and tell them you identify as a 14 year old boy that wants to become a girl. They should prescribe you hormone blockers or Male Castration pills (same pills given to convicted pedofiles).


Just looking for about two hours of less than roaring libido. Controllable level. I know about the puberty blockers as I was on them for most of 2020 as cancer treatment.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Rob_1 said:


> come on, dude, boner or not no boner you will be in front of medical personnel that will not care one bit if you do or don't. They work with live human bodies day in day out.
> 
> I'm just wondering, are you really that repressed to get all bend out of shape because you might develop a hard-on while going to a medical procedure, really? Do you think that those in the medical field do not remember their physiology classes? get over it, and over your embarrassing concerns. They will not care one way or another, and after the procedure is done they won't remember you and or your boner.


Again, I really don't give a damn what the doctors think. I'm the one being violated. 

No, I will not just conform. That feels like I am being treated like an object rather than a human with feelings. Doctors need to get their stuff together and begin treating the whole patient. As a human, not an object.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Julie's Husband said:


> Again, I really don't give a damn what the doctors think. I'm the one being violated.


Now I'm confused. How is your getting an erection from a male doctor being violated?


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

ReformedHubby said:


> Don't medicate yourself. Think about something gross, or something boring like baseball. When I was younger an image of John Goodman sitting on the toilet in my head helped me get over finishing quickly. Maybe this thought will work for you. Yeah I know TMI, but you seem open ideas.


For the most part, just being terrified that I might become aroused has prevented it, but being in a constant state of high anxiety is not healthy.

I've used the fact that my libido was lower when coming off the hormone meds (puberty blockers) to become desensitized to touch in massage. Massage is now a pleasure. I'd like to be able to desensitize for medical situations as well.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Sfort said:


> Now I'm confused. How is your getting an erection from a male doctor being violated?


I have a strong sense of modesty. Having an erection in front of anyone other than a sexual partner is invasion of a very private place.

Besides which the male doctor may be a junior camp counselor or Catholic priest on the side. Seriously, I have been inappropriately fondled by a male doctor so gender is not an issue.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Julie's Husband said:


> I have a strong sense of modesty. Having an erection in front of anyone other than a sexual partner is invasion of a very private place.


I can see where it would be embarrassing, but the part I'm struggling with is "violation". You're the one having the erection. (And congratulations for seeking a solution.) Being fondled by a doctor would be a very serious matter with dire consequences. I would never have to work again thanks to the money the doctor would pay.

The last time I had a colonoscopy, there was a STUNNING and quite friendly nurse prepping me. Never mind.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Julie's Husband said:


> Again, I really don't give a damn what the doctors think. I'm the one being violated.
> 
> No, I will not just conform. That feels like I am being treated like an object rather than a human with feelings. Doctors need to get their stuff together and begin treating the whole patient. As a human, not an object.


Do seriously, being violated? I think that you need help, but from a Psychologist.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Sfort said:


> The last time I had a colonoscopy, there was a STUNNING and quite friendly nurse prepping me. Never mind.


That would definitely put me in a full on panic attack like the first time my female urologist did a DRE.

I'd like to just be able to dissociate mind and body. Probably the best solution.

My new doctor today is a rather good looking and female. Hawaiian. I think I can probably get off on a good start by discussing her protocol for preventive medicine. I did discuss my fear of having erections with my urologist, but probably won't go there today. Depends on where the conversation goes.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Rob_1 said:


> Do seriously, being violated? I think that you need help, but from a Psychologist.


Been there. Unfortunately I remain human and open to all human frailties. The psych couldn't buy into my not wanting to have an erection in front of others. I guess men are supposed to be big on exhibition. I dumped him as I don't buy into the male stereotype or the male bonding he seemed to expect.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Julie's Husband said:


> Not concerned with how the doctor feels. I think in a way I feel that reaction to others is a betrayal to my wife. That is our private place.


So if one of you was in a car accident or needed CPR you wouldn't want anyone touching you or your wife because its your private space? Aren't you the person who has full body massages?


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Julie's Husband said:


> That would definitely put me in a full on panic attack like the first time my female urologist did a DRE.
> 
> I'd like to just be able to dissociate mind and body. Probably the best solution.
> 
> My new doctor today is a rather good looking and female. Hawaiian. I think I can probably get off on a good start by discussing her protocol for preventive medicine. I did discuss my fear of having erections with my urologist, but probably won't go there today. Depends on where the conversation goes.


Ah, I can help. Get male doctors. If they cause you to have erections, your question might be a different one.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Diana7 said:


> So if one of you was in a car accident or needed CPR you wouldn't want anyone touching you or your wife because its your private space? Aren't you the person who has full body massages?


No, you read it incorrectly. My having an erection is the issue. I wouldn't be having an erection under those conditions. 

After 75 years I am finally able to have full body massage due to temporarily decreased libido as I came off hormone treatment. I used that to desensitize.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Sfort said:


> Ah, I can help. Get male doctors. If they cause you to have erections, your question might be a different one.


The one instance where I did have an erection while being examined was with a male doctor. I've only begun seeing female doctors about two years ago. Who is touching really doesn't make a difference. Out of control relationship with my libido.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Julie's Husband said:


> The one instance where I did have an erection while being examined was with a male doctor. I've only begun seeing female doctors about two years ago. Who is touching really doesn't make a difference. Out of control relationship with my libido.


I wouldn't have a massage with a guy, but if either of us needed medical treatment it wouldn't be an issue to see an opposite sex doctor. After all I have had 3 babies and there were quite a few people in my room when the first was finally tugged out with forceps.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Diana7 said:


> I wouldn't have a massage with a guy, but if either of us needed medical treatment it wouldn't be an issue to see an opposite sex doctor. After all I have had 3 babies and there were quite a few people in my room when the first was finally tugged out with forceps.


Being viewed is not the issue in a medical situation. I'm fine with that. I have twice permitted mixed sex groups of med students at a teaching hospital view my hemorrhoids being banded. No real big problem in that particular situation. I'm also accustomed to being treated by female nurses.

The issue is with more intimate exams like genital and rectal exams. I also cannot sit around nude or feeling exposed for long periods of time or be bathed by another.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

LisaDiane said:


> Are you asking ME this, or is it rhetorical...? I don't really understand what you wrote here...


Yes, methinks he is referencing the wrong libido Thread.

Ah, so easy to do, so many tragedies do we see, and virtually hear.
Day after holiday cheers.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I wouldn't have a massage with a guy, but if either of us needed medical treatment it wouldn't be an issue to see an opposite sex doctor. After all I have had 3 babies and there were quite a few people in my room when the first was finally tugged out with forceps.


Um, Dear Lady...

The doctor doing the prostate exam, massages it, not for muscle aches or sexual relief, but for feeling something out of the ordinary, for example the prostrate is too hard, indicating it needs looked at, maybe a follow up, PSA blood test, or a dreaded biopsy.

OP is complaining about his other gland becoming too hard during the procedure.

Righto'


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> Um, Dear Lady...
> 
> The doctor doing the prostate exam, massages it, not for muscle aches or sexual relief, but for feeling something out of the ordinary, for example the prostrate is too hard, indicating it needs looked at, maybe a follow up, PSA blood test, or a dreaded biopsy.
> 
> ...


Yes I am well aware of that


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

@Julie's Husband maybe try something like this? 









Amazon.com: Cock Cage Big Chastity Belt Male Chastity Device Stainless Steel Cock Cage Sex Toys for Men,Steel Chastity cage,Metal Cock Rings : Health & Household


Buy **** Cage Big Chastity Belt Male Chastity Device Stainless Steel **** Cage Sex Toys for Men,Steel Chastity cage,Metal **** Rings on Amazon.com ✓ FREE SHIPPING on qualified orders



www.amazon.com


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> Not concerned with how the doctor feels. I think in a way I feel that reaction to others is a betrayal to my wife. That is our private place.


No betrayal


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Just flog yourself with a cat o nine tails dipped in vinegar each time you have a sexual thought


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

BigDaddyNY said:


> @Julie's Husband maybe try something like this?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Nah, want to be subtle.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Just flog yourself with a cat o nine tails dipped in vinegar each time you have a sexual thought


That would be 24/7 without pause. All the attention to being sexually active while I was castrate may have locked me into a routine.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Julie's Husband said:


> 🙂
> 
> It is not their sense of modesty that is being violated so what they think is irrelevant. For me this is an absolute boundary.
> 
> ...


Prostate cancer is a big deal. Just about all men at some age (if they live long enough) will have some form of prostate cancer.

Talk to your new medical provider. Tell them you do not want a "finger rectal" prostate exam. The old PSA test is out of favor, but there are lots of others you might want to discuss with your medical provider. I am sure that ultrasound and MRI exams, although costly would give your doctor a good view of your prostate. More reasonable alternatives to the finger include:

5 Alternatives to the PSA test


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> Prostate cancer is a big deal. Just about all men at some age (if they live long enough) will have some form of prostate cancer.
> 
> Talk to your new medical provider. Tell them you do not want a "finger rectal" prostate exam. The old PSA test is out of favor, but there are lots of others you might want to discuss with your medical provider. I am sure that ultrasound and MRI exams, although costly would give your doctor a good view of your prostate. More reasonable alternatives to the finger include:
> 
> 5 Alternatives to the PSA test


Prostate ultrasound? You have no clue how those are done obviously if that’s what you are recommending to him. The ultrasound probe is shaped like a dildo and the use a condom as the ultrasound cover and they put that into your anus to get a good view of the prostate.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Young at Heart said:


> Prostate cancer is a big deal. Just about all men at some age (if they live long enough) will have some form of prostate cancer.
> 
> Talk to your new medical provider. Tell them you do not want a "finger rectal" prostate exam. The old PSA test is out of favor, but there are lots of others you might want to discuss with your medical provider. I am sure that ultrasound and MRI exams, although costly would give your doctor a good view of your prostate. More reasonable alternatives to the finger include:
> 
> 5 Alternatives to the PSA test


I've already been through the whole thing and am in remission. I agree that imaging should be the standard for screening. In the meantime, a DRE caught my cancer when the PSA guidelines would have failed me. I had a PSA of 3.1 at diagnosis and 4.0 is considered the point to start being concerned.

The problem, I believe, is that the CDC and insurance have the same tunnel vision. The CDC hacks away at the PSA testing, effectively discouraging doctors from doing any screening at all, rather than suggesting a more competent method like imaging. Insurance follows their lead and does not want to pay for imaging until a biopsy has been done. Completely backwards. If the CDC would look at imaging I suspect the insurance companies would fall in step.

In the current situation, it is more reasonable that I find some way to desensitize myself. I've done it with massage, but they aren't sorting through my genitals. They respect my boundaries, medical providers do not.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

As a physician what you are saying makes absolutely no sense. You claim you want your doctor to be thorough about cancer screening then completely cut off their ability to do said screening because of an irrational emotional response and then act like the doctor is violating you. You are no different than people I take care of at the hospital who come to the ER wanting to be admitted and and then refuse treatment and argue with everything when they do get admitted. I’m left thinking to myself “why did you even come here”.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

So you don’t want a DRE but want your insurance company to pay for a prostate ultrasound where they stick a condom covered ultrasound probe that looks like a dildo up your ass? Makes sense to me.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> As a physician what you are saying makes absolutely no sense. You claim you want your doctor to be thorough about cancer screening then completely cut off their ability to do said screening because of an irrational emotional response and then act like the doctor is violating you. You are no different than people I take care of at the hospital who come to the ER wanting to be admitted and and then refuse treatment and argue with everything when they do get admitted. I’m left thinking to myself “why did you even come here”.


I am uncomfortable with exams, but deal with it. Usually go into a panic which kills libido. I'd like to find another way to go about avoiding embarrassment. I have an aneurysm in the ascending aorta which is not helped with my being in a panic and upping the blood pressure. Sedation or being able to dissociate emotion and body, whatever.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> So you don’t want a DRE but want your insurance company to pay for a prostate ultrasound where they stick a condom covered ultrasound probe that looks like a dildo up your ass? Makes sense to me.


Again, my goal is to change the way I react. I don't like DREs, would like to be able to desensitize. 

Ultrasound imaging is not adequate. I'd be looking for an MRI. I've had a biopsy so I am very well acquainted with having an ultrasound probe and 12 needles shoved into my rectum.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Do you still have a prostate or have you had a prostatectomy?

Honestly I think the problem isn’t the medical community it’s your anxiety disorder.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I don’t know, start a steady diet of sugar and saturated fat and develop atherosclerosis of the penile arteries and this won’t be a problem anymore.

I’m obviously being facetious because you have a problem many men your age wish they had.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Honestly this makes as much sense as having a fear of flying and then accusing the airline of violating you because they didn’t arrange for you to go by train to your destination.


----------



## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Tested_by_stress said:


> Have you tried gluing pictures of Nancy Pelosi onto the inside lenses of your glasses?


I think this poster is on to something! 😆


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> Honestly this makes as much sense as having a fear of flying and then accusing the airline of violating you because they didn’t arrange for you to go by train to your destination.


You appear to fail to understand what I am saying. I am aware that the issue is mine as far as erections go. My goal, once yet again, is to modify my behavior.

I had radiation and ADT--castration and menopause. Doctors do not tell us what we will be dealing with when we are on ADT. They don't give a damn. Not enough to explain that we will be menopausal and give support or suggestions on getting through it. They don't give a damn or really inform us that lack of sex while on ADT can cause penile atrophy. I kept myself sexually active when on ADT to avoid atrophy, but tens of thousands of poor schmucks don't know about that and have poorer results than they should.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I also want to say that what you are dealing with isn’t a libido problem. Libido is sexual desire and not the ability to get an erection. A person can have a huge libido and also have ED or a person can have no libido but get hard at the drop of a hat.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> I also want to say that what you are dealing with isn’t a libido problem. Libido is sexual desire and not the ability to get an erection. A person can have a huge libido and also have ED or a person can have no libido but get hard at the drop of a hat.


My problem is that I have a fear of having erections at inappropriate times. This has happened so it is not some fantasy. To me, this is humiliating and I will not put myself in a situation where it will happen again. If the good ol boys like to flaunt theirs, that is fine, but that is not me.

I was sexually active while castrate and had NO libido for most of 2020. I know what is involved. I could write a handbook on having sex while castrate. However, having libido makes it more difficult to avoid becoming aroused. 

I have never in 77 years experienced erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation (I experience multiple orgasms and the first is just the first) or performance anxiety. My libido is not lacking and sometimes that gets in the way of what I want or need to do in life.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Julie's Husband said:


> I've already been through the whole thing and am in remission. I agree that imaging should be the standard for screening. In the meantime, a DRE caught my cancer when the PSA guidelines would have failed me. I had a PSA of 3.1 at diagnosis and 4.0 is considered the point to start being concerned.
> 
> The problem, I believe, is that the CDC and insurance have the same tunnel vision. The CDC hacks away at the PSA testing, effectively discouraging doctors from doing any screening at all, rather than suggesting a more competent method like imaging. Insurance follows their lead and does not want to pay for imaging until a biopsy has been done. Completely backwards. If the CDC would look at imaging I suspect the insurance companies would fall in step.
> 
> In the current situation, it is more reasonable that I find some way to desensitize myself. I've done it with massage, but they aren't sorting through my genitals. They respect my boundaries, medical providers do not.


If I had been through prostate cancer, I would say screw it to my insurance company and pay for imaging out of my own pocket if I thought cancer might come back.

I have already paid for Testosterone and generic viagra out of my own pocket rather than involving my insurance company. For the T, a compounding pharmacy paid out of pocket is much less expensive than the co-pay of an insurance company. For the generic viagra, GoodRx paid out of pocket is about $110 for 90 piles than the insurance co-pay. You might be able to get a deal on imaging if you ask around and don't go through insurance.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> If I had been through prostate cancer, I would say screw it to my insurance company and pay for imaging out of my own pocket if I thought cancer might come back.
> 
> I have already paid for Testosterone and generic viagra out of my own pocket rather than involving my insurance company. For the T, a compounding pharmacy paid out of pocket is much less expensive than the co-pay of an insurance company. For the generic viagra, GoodRx paid out of pocket is about $110 for 90 piles than the insurance co-pay. You might be able to get a deal on imaging if you ask around and don't go through insurance.


This. I was wondering why he doesn’t just do self pay on an MRI.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> This. I was wondering why he doesn’t just do self pay on an MRI.


What the F am I paying insurance for? What the F am I paying doctors to do?


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> What the F am I paying insurance for? What the F am I paying doctors to do?


I think you are paying them to pay for the standard of care, which you don’t get to dictate. I’m about to get PRP shots in my shoulders next week that I have to pay $750 a piece for because insurance doesn’t cover it. It’s going to provide me pain relief so i

This is a very weird thread. The bottom line is you have an unreasonable anxiety despite whatever way you want to couch it as a sacred thing between you and your wife.

You don’t need a medical treatment to keep you from getting an erection, you need to address the underlying anxiety.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> I think you are paying them to pay for the standard of care, which you don’t get to dictate. I’m about to get PRP shots in my shoulders next week that I have to pay $750 a piece for because insurance doesn’t cover it. It’s going to provide me pain relief so i


Actually I do get a say if I change insurance companies or can get the CDC to get off their butts and get into real science. They are pathetic. 

I suggest you find another insurance company.



CallingDrLove said:


> You don’t need a medical treatment to keep you from getting an erection, you need to address the underlying anxiety.


I think I have repeatedly made it abundantly clear that I am aware of that. It may require medication. Like aspirin for a headache. Maybe anti depressants or something like vallium.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

The PRP shots NO insurance company will pay for.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Julie's Husband said:


> Actually I do get a say if I change insurance companies or can get the CDC to get off their butts and get into real science. They are pathetic.
> 
> I suggest you find another insurance company.
> 
> I think I have repeatedly made it abundantly clear that I am aware of that. It may require medication. Like aspirin for a headache. Maybe anti depressants or something like vallium.


Medical insurance in the US is pretty common as to "Standard of Care" There are some differences, but it is mostly similar.

Look I retained an attorney and had them file a formal claim with my medical insurance company over Testosterone HRT drugs. They wouldn't pay for anything over a certain dosage and I had tes reports that said that at that doseage my T-levels were below normal. The insurance company said sorry. That is when I filed the claim. Ultimately they gave me more of the product with their standard copay, so after discussing with my doctor, I took the dose he recommended. 

I even wrote letters to the group policy trustees who negotiated with the health insurance provider to see if they couldn't pressure the health insurance company.

I then looked for options. I discovered that I could get compounded Testosterone from a compounding pharmacy for far less than the co-pay I had been charged at a regular pharmacy. The catch was that the medical insurance company would not pay for compounded drugs. So I just paid for it myself.

Health Insurance is not designed to provide decent or even adequate health coverage. It is designed to provide a negotiated standard of care. If you want a higher standard of care, i.e. more that the health care offered under the policy, you have to be willing to pay for it yourself.

I know people in Canada, who cross the border from British Columbia to Washington State just because Canadian Health Care is so overwhelmed that they ration medical procedures. And so the jump the line, by going else where to get the medical coverage they need. I know some people up in British Columbia who arranged medical tourism trips for people to go to the Philipeans and India get get various medical surgeries. The cost was less than it would be in the US and that included a nice post surgery vacation recovery at a posh resort.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

CallingDrLove said:


> Prostate ultrasound? You have no clue how those are done obviously if that’s what you are recommending to him. The ultrasound probe is shaped like a dildo and the use a condom as the ultrasound cover and they put that into your anus to get a good view of the prostate.


I once had a lump on my testicles and the doctor had me get an ultrasound of them, so I have some experience. But no idea about how to do imaging on the prostate or if alternate blood work or an MRI could be used. Hopefully the OP and his doctor can discuss options that might provide what is needed.


----------



## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> Medical insurance in the US is pretty common as to "Standard of Care" There are some differences, but it is mostly similar.
> 
> Look I retained an attorney and had them file a formal claim with my medical insurance company over Testosterone HRT drugs. They wouldn't pay for anything over a certain dosage and I had tes reports that said that at that doseage my T-levels were below normal. The insurance company said sorry. That is when I filed the claim. Ultimately they gave me more of the product with their standard copay, so after discussing with my doctor, I took the dose he recommended.
> 
> ...


Public healthcare is designed to give healthcare bureaucrats multimillion dollar pensions and allocate what remains in the most optimized manner. It is not designed to give the best healthcare. To be honest, you're going to be put on a waiting list if you have anything more serious than a broken leg. You can expect triage level.care, but don't get your hopes up for cancer treatment. 

Most of what is covered in the Canada Healthcare Act, you can do at home with a little bit of knowledge.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Young at Heart said:


> Health Insurance is not designed to provide decent or even adequate health coverage. It is designed to provide a negotiated standard of care. If you want a higher standard of care, i.e. more that the health care offered under the policy, you have to be willing to pay for it yourself.


I do believe the insurance companies take their cue from agencies like the CDC. Unfortunately, those agencies are not about the individual and generally pretty lame over all.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Young at Heart said:


> I once had a lump on my testicles and the doctor had me get an ultrasound of them, so I have some experience. But no idea about how to do imaging on the prostate or if alternate blood work or an MRI could be used. Hopefully the OP and his doctor can discuss options that might provide what is needed.


I've been through it all and am done with it for the most part. When I talk about CDC and medical standards, I am talking about what men in general need.

PSA testing is the only type of screening the CDC talks about. The prostate normally produces PSA and situations like enlarged prostate will cause the level to rise. If the PSA level increases at an accelerated rate then this may indicate cancer. The most common form of prostate cancer produces PSA and the more cancer the higher the level.

PSA is not a reliable screening method, but the CDC does not move on to recommend a reliable method. If they did, I think doctors and insurance companies would fall in step.

A more reliable screening method would be various forms of MRI. Being able to locate potential targets would make biopsies more accurate.

Ultrasound probes are only good for targeting assist; showing the urologist where the prostate is when s/he is shoving needles in for tissue samples. An MRI gives information on cancer structure.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Well, it looks like I'm off the hook. I brought up the subject of preventive health care protocol I received in California being different from what I receive here with my new female health care provider and found she does pretty much the same as the male doctor I'm dumping. Okay, safe enough.

I then checked online into what should expected in annual physicals. Maybe "wellness" checks now. Anyway, it appears that the dreaded genital exams and maybe digital rectal exams are now the domain of urologists. Apparently the day of the generalist is past.

The upside is that there is one less source of anxiety in dealing with the PCP. The downside is that urologists don't schedule regular checks so, as in my case, things like cancer are not as likely to be diagnosed early as they could be.

This is good for me in that I've already had the discussion with my lady urologist about my anxiety over becoming aroused and don't have to soft step my way getting into the subject with another doctor. I'm already snarky about her reaction to male sexuality and have provided her quite a bit of solid information she never learned in medical school.

My new "PCP" is a PA-C, a young (relative to my 77 years) lady with a chatty, supportive bedside manner. I think we are going to get along.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> Well, it looks like I'm off the hook. I brought up the subject of preventive health care protocol I received in California being different from what I receive here with my new female health care provider and found she does pretty much the same as the male doctor I'm dumping. Okay, safe enough.
> 
> I then checked online into what should expected in annual physicals. Maybe "wellness" checks now. Anyway, it appears that the dreaded genital exams and maybe digital rectal exams are now the domain of urologists. Apparently the day of the generalist is past.
> 
> ...


 still don’t understand all the angst over getting an erection seen by a doctor.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Longtime Hubby said:


> still don’t understand all the angst over getting an erection seen by a doctor.


You are fortunate. We all have different levels of modesty and having an erection in front of anyone other than my wife is unacceptable for me.

The male stereotype is that we are out to flaunt it, but I don't buy into the stereotype.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> You are fortunate. We all have different levels of modesty and having an erection in front of anyone other than my wife is unacceptable for me.
> 
> The male stereotype is that we are out to flaunt it, but I don't buy into the stereotype.


It’s happened to me. Half stiff. Doc said nada. you are 77. be glad you get hard. 62 and need pill


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Longtime Hubby said:


> It’s happened to me. Half stiff. Doc said nada. you are 77. be glad you get hard. 62 and need pill


As a doctor we really don’t care. Also we are less happy about putting a finger in your ass than you are getting it. Sometimes you just have to put your big boy pants on and do what’s necessary.

This is a very weird thread to me.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Longtime Hubby said:


> It’s happened to me. Half stiff. Doc said nada. you are 77. be glad you get hard. 62 and need pill


It has happened to me, too, and I will not permit it to happen again. The doctor involved seemed to know what to expect and quickly left the room without looking back, giving me time to recover my dignity.

What a doctor says or feels is irrelevant. It is what I experience that is important. Do a search of the web for men asking about this. You may be surprised to find out how many men do have the same concern.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> It has happened to me, too, and I will not permit it to happen again. The doctor involved seemed to know what to expect and quickly left the room without looking back, giving me time to recover my dignity.
> 
> What a doctor says or feels is irrelevant. It is what I experience that is important. Do a search of the web for men asking about this. You may be surprised to find out how many men do have the same concern.


You seem to have an obsession with controlling the uncontrollable.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> You seem to have an obsession with controlling the uncontrollable.


It's controllable. I've desensitized enough to, as my wife put it, have women put their hands all over my body in massage. Some anxiety, but once they work the glutes and move on the calves, I'm mellow. No tenting when I turn over. Just totally mellow.

The method of control can be desensitizing, disociating mind and body (seeing your body as an object) or sedation. Being too terrified to become aroused has served me through the years, but being in a state of panic might be dangerous now given my aortal aneurysm.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> It has happened to me, too, and I will not permit it to happen again. The doctor involved seemed to know what to expect and quickly left the room without looking back, giving me time to recover my dignity.
> 
> What a doctor says or feels is irrelevant. It is what I experience that is important. Do a search of the web for men asking about this. You may be surprised to find out how many men do have the same concern.


Omg it’s not a big deal. Did you see what the doctor posted? Wake up, man. Dignity? please! It’s an exam.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Omg it’s not a big deal. Did you see what the doctor posted? Wake up, man. Dignity? please! It’s an exam.


There is so much medically wrong about what he’s saying. I imagine he’s the type of guy to argue with his mechanic.

The type of screening he is advocating for is actually very dangerous. It would result in tons of false positives which would result in unneeded and possible complications from prostate biopsies, not to mention the mental stress of a false cancer diagnosis. The additional true cancer diagnoses would probably be largely clinically insignificant and would be slow growing tumors which would not progress to anything serious during the patients lifetime, once again giving the patient unnecessary mental anguish and subjected to unnecessary treatment and testing. Also this because he’s afraid to get a boner I’m front of a doctor? Sounds like the epitome of narcissism to me.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> There is so much medically wrong about what he’s saying. I imagine he’s the type of guy to argue with his mechanic.
> 
> The type of screening he is advocating for is actually very dangerous. It would result in tons of false positives which would result in unneeded and possible complications from prostate biopsies, not to mention the mental stress of a false cancer diagnosis. The additional true cancer diagnoses would probably be largely clinically insignificant and would be slow growing tumors which would not progress to anything serious during the patients lifetime, once again giving the patient unnecessary mental anguish and subjected to unnecessary treatment and testing. Also this because he’s afraid to get a boner I’m front of a doctor? Sounds like the epitome of narcissism to me.


Thank you for being the voice of reason.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Based on data the argument could actually be made for no asymptomatic prostate cancer screening including PSA or DRE but certainly no argument could be made to be even more aggressive with screening using MRI or ultrasound.

This is what is dangerous about people who have a little knowledge of a subject. It seems self evident that more aggressive screening would only be a good thing. They say these things without a basic understanding of screening principles or biostatistics. Then they demonize the medical community of being stupid, negligent, or even conspiratorial.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Omg it’s not a big deal. Did you see what the doctor posted? Wake up, man. Dignity? please! It’s an exam.


Did you see what I posted in response? What the doctor feels is irrelevant. Sorry, not going to group think this. Each person is different and I definitely do not conform.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> Based on data the argument could actually be made for no asymptomatic prostate cancer screening including PSA or DRE but certainly no argument could be made to be even more aggressive with screening using MRI or ultrasound.
> 
> This is what is dangerous about people who have a little knowledge of a subject. It seems self evident that more aggressive screening would only be a good thing. They say these things without a basic understanding of screening principles or biostatistics. Then they demonize the medical community of being stupid, negligent, or even conspiratorial.


Uh, what is the data? Who is speaking without grasp of the basics? 

The only guidelines currently in use are the archaic CDC guidelines based on PSA tests and word the guidelines so that doctors often don't even bother with screening, my previous PCP as an example. Time to catch up to current science for more aggressive screening.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> Uh, what is the data? Who is speaking without grasp of the basics?
> 
> The only guidelines currently in use are the archaic CDC guidelines based on PSA tests and word the guidelines so that doctors often don't even bother with screening, my previous PCP as an example. Time to catch up to current science for more aggressive screening.


I’m done. I should have learned my lesson with COVID. I’m not going to discuss medicine with someone without the requisite intellectual tools to actually discuss medicine.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> Uh, what is the data? Who is speaking without grasp of the basics?
> 
> The only guidelines currently in use are the archaic CDC guidelines based on PSA tests and word the guidelines so that doctors often don't even bother with screening, my previous PCP as an example. Time to catch up to current science for more aggressive screening.


Did you attend medical school?


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> There is so much medically wrong about what he’s saying. I imagine he’s the type of guy to argue with his mechanic.
> 
> The type of screening he is advocating for is actually very dangerous. It would result in tons of false positives which would result in unneeded and possible complications from prostate biopsies, not to mention the mental stress of a false cancer diagnosis. The additional true cancer diagnoses would probably be largely clinically insignificant and would be slow growing tumors which would not progress to anything serious during the patients lifetime, once again giving the patient unnecessary mental anguish and subjected to unnecessary treatment and testing. Also this because he’s afraid to get a boner I’m front of a doctor? Sounds like the epitome of narcissism to me.


Uh, you have it backwards. The PSA tests are the issue with false positives. We need to move on to current methods. I criticize the CDC for hanging on to PSA as a screening method and failing to move on to current science. 

It would be useful if you were to cite credible authorities and data for most of your statements. I think the patient should be given information to make their own informed decision rather than leaving it all to the doctors and bureaucrats. I have found that doctors have tunnel vision and patient input is a positive thing. 

I do have the tests. Whether I do or not does not affect anyone else.Hey, dude, I've gone the whole route and am in remission. I also made decisions on treatment that have left me with an excellent quality of life.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> Did you see what I posted in response? What the doctor feels is irrelevant. Sorry, not going to group think this. Each person is different and I definitely do not conform.


I did. That was me shaking my head over your response.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> I’m done. I should have learned my lesson with COVID. I’m not going to discuss medicine with someone without the requisite intellectual tools to actually discuss medicine.


I try to be considerate of folks here, but as long as you are getting pissy, I should ask whether you are really a doctor or just slept in a Holiday Express.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Julie's Husband said:


> I try to be considerate of folks here, but as long as you are getting pissy, I should ask whether you are really a doctor or just slept in a Holiday Express.


Pretty sure faith in doctors and the medical field in general took a hit because of Covid. So there is that.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Did you attend medical school?


No. I go by advice from medical authorities. Check out PCRI.org or go to Youtube for videos by Dr. Mark Scholz. These folks present the cutting edge information without bias or marketing intent.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> I try to be considerate of folks here, but as long as you are getting pissy, I should ask whether you are really a doctor or just slept in a Holiday Express.


Definitely the Holiday Inn Express 


Julie's Husband said:


> I try to be considerate of folks here, but as long as you are getting pissy, I should ask whether you are really a doctor or just slept in a Holiday Express.


I’m not criticizing your intellectual capacity. I’m just saying there is too much of a factual knowledge gap to have a discussion.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

CallingDrLove said:


> Definitely the Holiday Inn Express
> 
> 
> I’m not criticizing your intellectual capacity. I’m just saying there is too much of a factual knowledge gap to have a discussion.


Prove it by supplying data and references. In the meantime check out PCRI.org and see whether you agree or disagree with authorities from Mayo Clinic, Memorial Sloan Kettering and others who present there.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Longtime Hubby said:


> I did. That was me shaking my head over your response.


It's a cultural thing. You'll just have to learn to live with it.


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Julie's Husband said:


> I wish to avoid having an erection during medical exams. This has happened once and WILL NOT happen again.


Don’t know if this would help, but in some context psuedaphedrine HCl is useful for ending an erection: Priapism (An Erection that Lasts Too Long)


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

PieceOfSky said:


> Don’t know if this would help, but in some context psuedaphedrine HCl is useful for ending an erection: Priapism (An Erection that Lasts Too Long)


Thanks. Not priapism, just preventing erection. 

I have the answer that I need, though, which is to take control of the situation rather than just reacting. 

In the case of medical treatment this means having conversation with the folks involved and discuss options, letting them know that I will not go beyond my comfort level. I've had this conversation with my urologist because male sexual function is her domain. I will not need to have the conversation with my new "PCP" as it is not her domain. 

In the case of massage, I took advantage of temporarily lower libido to desensitize. Massage practitioners are very aware of boundaries and respect them. During massage I have let them know when I am not comfortable. As I get more comfortable with massage I do feel my boundaries are relaxing, but am uncertain how to express that without raising red flags on their part.


----------

