# This Is It



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Yesterday was an awful day. My husband spent the entire day ignoring me, didn't respond to texts, didn't call, and when he came home there wasn't any affection or anything. So I guess I pretty much don't exist to him anymore.

I made an attempt to bring this up and he said things like, "I'm so sorry you feel 'ripped off' by me", "I don't need any more reasons to resent you", etc while scowling at me. Wow I was just telling him I'd felt ignored and hurt that he didn't return any, not one, of my texts, but was texting a friend of his, and spent A LOT of time on his phone online. (Facebook, email, enlightenext online magazine, etc.) So I really am not anything to him, apparently. I was trying to tell him how hurt I felt, and he basically dismissed me. No reassurance, no affection, etc. He rolled over and went to sleep. While I was mid-sentence. I am so sick of being treated lke nothing!!

I packed my van and plan to leave before he wakes up. I didn't sleep very well at all last night.

A point of conflict for me is - I'm "supposed" to be giving him a ride to an acting gig he secured - one that stands to pay him up to $800 for one line.

I don't want to take him. Being as though he didn't care much about my needs, not even enough to discuss them maturely, I don't feel obligated to take him. (It doesn't help that he's been googling all the actresses on the project - I'm certainly not feeling very secure about that at all).

I'm feeling spiteful and vengeful and I don't want to be that way. How can I handle this situation tactfully? Should I just give in and give him a ride, even though he's been treating me like garbage? I took his cell phone for now, and plan to have him removed from my account, but feel like it's childish and maybe I should just leave it with him. Even though he'll probably do nothing helpful with it.  

First no oral sex. Then no sex. Then his use of porn, followed by lies about it. Then absolutely ignoring me all day, and turning his back on me literally when I wanted to talk. I don't even remember the last time he even said he loved me.  I want to cry, destroy things, beg, curse and throw a tantrum. I feel like I'm on the brink of insanity with him not treating me with respect, let alone love.

I'm confused and upset. Any advice? His call time is in 4 hours...

Thanks for listening to me gripe. Again. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Yikes. First off....take a deep breath and try to just relax/calm down a little (I know things aren't going well for you and I am not making light of it). What do you really want to do right now? What would be best for you (and your baby)?
Hang in there!


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Yin - I think you should stick to your plan to leave and not worry about his gig that he's got scheduled, he'll find his way there. He's clearly not in "this" for whatever reason. It saddened me to read your post especially knowing how close you are to your childbirth. You don't need this, you need love and support and I hope you will get that at your sisters (I think that's where you said you were going for a little bit). I would reconsider the phone thing for now though... With you being close to your due date and if he's not abusing your plan with excessive minutes or texts or data charges, but I don't know, that's just me. 

I just want to reach through this screen and give you a great big hug and tell you everything will be okay!!! But I know that's so cliche, the way your H treats you is very saddening to me  I'm sorry.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I wouldn't let the acting gig thing change your mind. He can always take a cab, call a friend or relative, etc. do what you need to do.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I just want to sit down and cry! I'm so frustrated and I feel so worthless! He doesn't act like he likes me at all, and I'm frustrated I can't even talk to him about what I'm feeling! Here I am, pregnant with his kid, high risk for pre-eclampsia, (he was with me at the doc's, so he knows how serious it is, and how my getting upset can raise my blood pressure), and yet he continues to do things he KNOWS hurts me! 

And I'm so sick of the way he speaks to me! He's so full of contempt and disdain! I really feel like he hates me and I don't understand why or how that happened! Of course, he's always got a list of my flaws handy, so if I want to talk he can just make it about me instead. Nothing gets accomplished. 

On the other hand, I don't want to come between what he loves. I know his passion for acting and I've done my best to support him and encourage him to pursue his interests. I've always been there to try and lift him up when he doubted himself, help him memorize and portray his lines accurately. To be there when he wants to talk about it, and how it makes him feel... And I'll be damned if any of that means two s*its to him!!! 

I'm feeling so unbalanced and unsure of what to do. I'm mad that I let my confidence slip away from me. I have never been with someone who made me to feel so absolutely awful about myself. I've tried to keep all this in, look at the bright side, have patience because I know he has a lot of pressure on him right now with a baby on the way, a minimum wage job, bills, and his car just broke down. I try to take all that into considerate and not pressure him or hound him so much, but I feel like I might as well be dead for all the many different ways I burden him. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

Unless there is literally no possible way he could get there by another way, I would leave now. The relationship is over and his problems are no longer your problems. 

If you leave, call him once you are on the road to tell him you are gone and he will have to bum a ride from someone else, then end the call and go.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi Yin ~

I'm sorry you are going through this - and so close to your delivery too.

I had another reply out here first, but realized that I hadn't been keeping up on what has been going on with you and your H, so I looked through some of your more recent posts.

First, as far as the gig - do what you feel is right. If you want to hold out an olive branch and can manage that without it devolving into something worse, then go ahead and give him a ride. If you don't think you can do that, then just be honest and tell him "I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to be able to give you a ride to your gig. You'll need to call a friend or a cab."

Where are you staying right now? Do you have family/friends close by to support you?

How close to delivery are you? You have it all settled as to who can help you when you go in to labor?

Hang in there. Know that emotions are often really heightened at this point in a pregnant woman's term and just cut yourself some slack about how you feel.

I'll be thinking about you and praying for you.

Best wishes.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Yin,
We're here for you. And you are not worthless....
You need to be with friends and/or family for extra support.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

YinPrincess said:


> I've tried to keep all this in, look at the bright side, have patience because I know he has a lot of pressure on him right now with a baby on the way, a minimum wage job, bills, and his car just broke down. I try to take all that into considerate and not pressure him or hound him so much, but I feel like I might as well be dead for all the many different ways I burden him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And you don't have a lot of pressure on you??? You can only give so much Yin. I know this is easier said than done.... But I would take all that energy you are putting into wondering why, what, when with your H and put it into your upcoming delivery. Get yourself to a place where you are surrounded by support. All of what your H is stressed about... You are there, supporting him in his struggles, he is not reciprocating and you are going through a life changing event!!! 

A pregnancy is suppose to be a joyous time... it has been so very hard on you and I wish I had an answer as to why some people can be so selfish in our most weakest moments in life.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Cherry said:


> And you don't have a lot of pressure on you??? You can only give so much Yin. I know this is easier said than done.... But I would take all that energy you are putting into wondering why, what, when with your H and put it into your upcoming delivery. Get yourself to a place where you are surrounded by support. All of what your H is stressed about... You are there, supporting him in his struggles, he is not reciprocating and you are going through a life changing event!!!
> 
> A pregnancy is suppose to be a joyous time... it has been so very hard on you and I wish I had an answer as to why some people can be so selfish in our most weakest moments in life.


Do what you need to do for you. Big hug!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

I think you need to do what is healthy for you and your baby. Obviously staying in this toxic situation is very toxic for you and possibly your child. Leave ASAP and be with your family that will love you, support you, and get you through this.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Shut him out emotionally. If you feel obligated to give him a ride, go ahead & do so, but silently. (Other than talking about directions, time schedules..etc). Do not talk about anything emotional.

Let him find his own ride back? But, i'd try to give it some cool off time. See what happens with baby. If he's there for you when it comes, if he seems happy about it or not... etc. Then, make a decision that is best for you & baby.

If it's meant to be & meant to work out with hubs, it will happen. You don't need to try to force everything to be okay before baby comes. You will have time to discuss it & work things out afterwards.

edit: Or time to work out where you're gonna go/work, how you're going to live afterwards.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Ok, I just created the biggest pool of snot and tears on the kitchen counter. 

Cleaning myself up and getting ready to go. Feeling terribly scared and uncertain about everything, but I know that nothing will improve if I stay and there isn't any consequence. Even though I know that, the fear that he'll be just fine without me and not miss me is breaking my heart. My brain is trying to figure out a way to justify staying, even though I don't want this for me anymore. 

I feel like throwing up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Do you have a place to go hun?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Thank you all. I really just needed to be understood before I went crazy and did something stupid. I'm trying to grow from this experience, but why does it have to hurt so damn much. Why do I even care, he treats me like crap anyways. Must be some screws loose upstairs for wanting to stay and make things more painful in the long run. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Don't beat yourself up about it. You're okay. Everythings gonna be okay & will work itself out.
It's okay to have a few screws loose now and again. Seems like you're there with the screwdriver driving them back into place!

Sometimes a screw gets loose because it shouldn't be there at all? Just let that screw fall out & not be a burden to you anymore?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Planning on going to my sister's.

He just woke up and came downstairs. And said "good morning" as if nothing happened. As if he wasn't a total jerk last night.

WTF.

Now he's asking if I'm hungry. Is he f*cking crazy. How can he just act like nothing is wrong?!?!

I can't even speak to him right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He has friends he can call for a ride. Obviously, since he was texting his friend and not you.

I tihnk you made a good choice by packing your shet.

He's a jerk. I promise you it WILL NOT get better. Not without a HUGE miracle. And that's not likely until YOU set YOUR boundaries and leave him. You are letting him treat you this way.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Planning on going to my sister's.
> 
> He just woke up and came downstairs. And said "good morning" as if nothing happened. As if he wasn't a total jerk last night.
> 
> ...


Beauase he's a MIND EFFER! He does this because he KNOWS he pissed you off, that you may leave or whatever...so he does this so you stay. "oh he's not so bad....maybe he had a bad day."


Eff that guy. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU TREAT SOMEONE YOU LOVE.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

He's acting "nice" because he wants a ride.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yin, i have been following your story for a while. a long while.

I have seen you grow SO MUCH in your emotional and mental stability. I have seen you mature and get your shet together.

Keep moving forward. Keep going in the direction you're going. You are doing what's right for you and that little princess in you  She needs a good, stable mommy and home.

You make me proud..make yourself proud. Get off this rollercoaster. Refuse to ride.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I wish I had the ability to do the same to him. But even I wouldn't want to hurt someone the way I'm hurting now.

F**k my co-dependency and trying to always patch things up, unruffle the feathers, whatever. I'm such a freaking doormat and I'm seriously not liking myself for it.

So I didn't say one word to him. He's on to the fact that I'm upset. He goes back upstairs and says nothing. Yeah. I'm supposed to believe he cares. What ever happened to being able to say, "gee I'm sorry for (blank) last night" etc.

And I'm reproducing with this *********? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Get off the ride, Yin. Take care of you. You think he'll be hurt? I doubt it. He's too much in his own head to be hurt. And if he does get hurt, then GOOD! Not for revenge but to feel the loss of YOUR presence. 

he needs a consequence. You don't give him any. You just patch it up and the cycle repeats.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Ha! D o u c h e b a g is a naughty word here??

At least it made me smile! :lol:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Look, my dad was a class A assh0le. 

I'm a good person.

My mom left him (or he left for drugs) when I was 2. She did it on her own...strong lady. She had issues in her past with codependency and molestation by a family member for 11 years. 

She raised me and remarried when i was almost 5. She was married for 9 years...i had a good stepdad.

She FINALLY got therapy after they divorced and changed her life.

what I'm saying is, he may be a deck, but that little girl in there is just fine and you can do this alone if need be.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I know. I know exactly what I'd tell myself if I were an outsider and it would be to quit sniveling and do something about it. I've left so many relationships before! In fact, I've left all my previous relationships... Why is he so hard to leave? The pregnancy? Or the fact that he's indifferent whether I'm in his life or not? Gosh that hurts. It stings so badly. Yet if he were begging me to stay I'd leave without a second thought.

Going to be hard to get my mind where it needs to be, but I have to make myself do this. I've been a really good person to him, I've worked on myself so much - understanding and eliminating (well, trying to eliminate) the side of me that wants to hurt him because he hurt me. I don't want to be vengeful. I want to be at peace.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

Hiya Darl

Pregnancy is one emotional rollercoaster and your man is supposed to be there to support you. Know you are not alone. There are many women who go through crap like this when they're expecting, it's not always roses. I'm not sure what your entire story is, whether he is scared about the child, acting out or just being selfish ... know that as much as it hurts right now, the only thing that will make him see sense is consequences. If you leave, he will have to think about why you left. Don't go running back with the first phone call because it won't accomplish anything. If he wants to be at the birth and a part of your lives, he'll smarten up quick smart.

And if he doesn't .. it's better to find out now, than when you are trying to deal with a newborn. You will be exhausted and emotionally drained already and you won't need his crap too.

Take a deep breath, know in your heart that whatever happens you have this gorgeous baby coming and trust me, she will be magic.

Sending big hugs and healing thoughts x


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Thank you all. I really just needed to be understood before I went crazy and did something stupid. I'm trying to grow from this experience, but why does it have to hurt so damn much. Why do I even care, he treats me like crap anyways. Must be some screws loose upstairs for wanting to stay and make things more painful in the long run.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel bad for you, your husband sounds like a first class a-hole, it hurts so bad because you care, have you asked ask yourself why you seem to care/love him? and why you shouldnt, basically weigh the pro and cons in your relationship...

Once your child is grown what advice would give him/her if they were being treated they way you are?

Since he seems to be a good actor, maybe you can say to him

"Hey I know how good of an actor you are, I got a script for you to read, its called being a good husband and the pay is the best you will ever have, a great wife and a child to share your life with forever, you want the job? if not I'm sure someone else will love to have it"

And for driving him to the gig, he's got 4hrs right? he can walk...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> I know. I know exactly what I'd tell myself if I were an outsider and it would be to quit sniveling and do something about it. I've left so many relationships before! In fact, I've left all my previous relationships... Why is he so hard to leave? The pregnancy? Or the fact that he's indifferent whether I'm in his life or not? Gosh that hurts. It stings so badly. *Yet if he were begging me to stay I'd leave without a second thought.*
> 
> Going to be hard to get my mind where it needs to be, but I have to make myself do this. I've been a really good person to him, I've worked on myself so much - understanding and eliminating (well, trying to eliminate) the side of me that wants to hurt him because he hurt me. I don't want to be vengeful. I want to be at peace.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So it's ego.

Drop the ego and do what's right for YOU.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My older daughter's father and I were broken up throughout my whole pregnancy (he was a deck too). And I did all the wrong things (I was 22)..begged, cried, blah blah.

It ruined my pregnancy. I didn't enjoy it. And I begged for this man who is a POCrap. He was a good dad, but didn't give TWO shets for me and that was apparent, even when I stupidly moved in with him when she was 1.

Looking back, I wish I would have just done the pregnancy/baby thing alone and not even told him. Or not cared if he was involved.

Just wanted you to know, that I've been in a similar situation. It sucks. I finally left after a year of living with him. he treated the neighbor's dog better than he treated me.

To this day, he says I owe him money....Money for the bills and rent he paid while i was living with him, taking care of our child.

Unreal. I don't plan on paying that back.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Well, I didn't get out of the house before he came back down and started being all cold with me. He got the same in return, and still expected a ride!

I told him no. No I will not let someone treat me the way he does and turn around and give them favors.

Needless to say he got nasty again, telling me I am "insane" that he doesn't like me, etc. I told him I didn't care. Then he tried apologizing and putting his arm around me. I asked him not to touch me. He got nasty again. (Predictable).

Then he called my mom. (Who feels the need now to shame me for not helping and supporting him, even though I explained what was going on). She sends my step-dad to pick him up. He leaves without a goodbye or anything. I'm okay with that. Not okay with my parents always coming to the rescue.

It really hurt when my husband said I wasn't supporting him in his goals, etc. I really do support him, but I'm not going to be walked all over.

Taking a nap then making the trip to my sister's. Not happy with my parents at all. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

WOW! Your parents side with him?

I'm so sorry. the ultimate betrayal  

take a nap, go to your sisters and get out of that hell.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

That's why it's so hard to get my head into a "right" place. I have a lot of dysfunction to unlearn.

I let my mom have it, though. She is a classic rescuer/co-dependent and she should have told him to go screw himself when he called, instead of helping. How is he going to learn to take care of himself if someone is always there to save him?

I am so glad I didn't cave, though. I don't really like feeling like I'm suppressing someone's ambitions or dreams, but I just couldn't do it.

He was shocked. I've never really been that way with him before. I know it hurt him. I really just wish there was another way.

Told my sis what mom did - she is not impressed. So glad my sis always has my back. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You didn't repress his dreams LOL OMG! No you didn't.

He can drive himself (but probably has no car or license which is HIS fault, unless it's medical reason), there's buses, taxis, friends.

You did NOTHING to squash his dream.

Why do you think HIS happiness is more important than your own? 

He's a POS. I'm glad you didn't back down.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Yin, I thought you were leaving first thing this morning?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Yeah I was... But he surprised me by getting up earlier than usual. Since he left I took a nap. Since I spent the majority of the night last night crying my eyeballs out.

He isn't home yet, thank goodness. I'm going to hope in the shower and head to my sister's.

Have to admit, it's really painful that he hasn't even bothered to text or call me.  I'll get over it, I guess. And no, I haven't called or texted him, either. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

YinPrincess said:


> Yeah I was... But he surprised me by getting up earlier than usual. Since he left I took a nap. Since I spent the majority of the night last night crying my eyeballs out.
> 
> He isn't home yet, thank goodness. I'm going to hope in the shower and head to my sister's.
> 
> ...


Shower at your sisters. Please don't hang around waiting for him to show up and just get out of there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When you hurt yourself physically it hurts so that you will stop doing what is hurting so you can take care of the damage caused to your body.

Emotional pain exists for the same reason. When a relationship hurts... the pain is telling you to take care of yourself. Do what you need to do for you and your baby. The pain will go away. Very soon you will have a beautiful baby. You have so much to look forward to. So think of your baby. 

You do not need a man in your life who mistreats you.. listen to the pain.. it's telling you to get away from what hurts you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Just wondering if you have left for your sister's yet? I'm praying that you get out of there before he comes home.

If you don't, when he's not paying attention just calmly walk out to the car and leave. Don't say anything to him.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Do not be shocked that he hasn't called or texted.

it's like you expect this wonderful man to jump out of his skin. It's NOT happening! I dont' know why you're shocked that he hasn't called or contacted you  he's not a nice guy!

I hope you've left for your sister's. Stop making excuses and just goooo.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> I let my mom have it, though. She is a classic rescuer/co-dependent and she should have told him to go screw himself when he called, instead of helping. How is he going to learn to take care of himself if someone is always there to save him?


I wish you would get out of everyone else's business. Really. And I don't mean that in a cruel way. You are focused on this jerk you married. You don't act, you react. Now you're letting your mom have it for the very same traits you display and possess.

Hon, what is it going to take for you to get the he!! back on YOUR side of the street and start minding your own business? By that, I mean you need to start addressing your codependency. You need help. 

Honestly, I have been where you are, and then some. But there comes a point when someone just has to give you a firm shake and say, "Wake the f%%k up, already!!!"

I hope you have some clue that you are totally, 100 percent, enmeshed in this man's problems. THEY ARE NOT YOUR PROBLEMS. You have problems of your own. You owe it to yourself, and your baby, to be the best mom you can be. You are carrying around a big, filthy bag of garbage ... and it isn't your's to carry! 

I sure hope you just pick yourself up and go to your sister's. Then I hope you get into counseling - there is free counseling to be had - ASAP. People with major codependency issues end up getting sick. I've seen it first-hand; atrial fibrilation, obesity, diabetes, anxiety disorder, high blood pressure ... you name it.

You are killing yourself without even realizing it. You deserve a decent life. When you decide the pain of changing - and it will be painful - is worth the effort, you will get out of everyone else's dysfunctions and tend to your own.

Saying this with love, even though it doesn't sound that way ...


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I left!!!!

Instead of feeling good someone please tell me why this hurts so damn bad? I'm crying so damn hard I'm afraid I'm going to wreck.

I know this is best, but I wish it didn't hurt so bad!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Aw... yin big (((hugs)))

You are very brave and you have done the right thing....100%

You and the baby are what is important right now...you need to be somewhere safe and secure.... glad you have somewhere to be.

Change is always hard and sometimes painful...but life has been painful WITH that man. Just allow yourself to rest and recharge.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

YinPrincess said:


> I left!!!!
> 
> Instead of feeling good someone please tell me why this hurts so damn bad? I'm crying so damn hard I'm afraid I'm going to wreck.
> 
> ...


Just keep driving and drive safe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

YinPrincess said:


> I left!!!!
> 
> Instead of feeling good someone please tell me why this hurts so damn bad? I'm crying so damn hard I'm afraid I'm going to wreck.
> 
> ...


no, you're going to wreck because you are posting AND driving. Keep driving Yin... For you and your precious baby! You will be okay . Big HUGS
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I am with my sis. She just treated me to a manicure. Feeling kind of shocky or numb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It hurts because you're scared. It hurts because you just admitted that this is NOT your dream or your dream man. You can mourn the loss of your dream. It does hurt...but there is so much more out there for you. Just wait and keep the path. 

Lucky that you got a manicure!!


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

I know this is way easier said than done but please try to stay calm. I don't even know you and I'm worried about you and your little one.

I'm glad you're with your sis.


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

yin,

I have been following your story intermittently and I must say... I am soooo PROUD of you and so happy for you. I know it hurts now but you need to feel liberated, and in control of your own happiness. 

You just took the first step towards your own personal happiness and yes, it's going to hurt but in the long run you will be a much happier person. That is so admirable.

(((big hugs))) You're okay, you're safe and now you have a chance to rebuild your life YOUR way. You can focus on YOU instead of focusing on a loser and a (seemingly) dead marriage.

Take care of yourself honey. We are alll so proud of you and are cheering you on. Go Yin!! :smthumbup:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yin, good for you!! Now just keep moving forward with your life and do not look back.

Now is the time for you to start using the 180. If he calls, just don't talk to him. If he drops by ignore the door or have your sis tell him that you don't want to see him or that you are not there... this will protect you from getting back on an emotional roller coaster.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

So far so good, guys. 

At the moment I'm having such a difficult time falling asleep on my sister's couch. Back pain from hell and can't get comfy. Must be a flare up from the days' stresses. My face feels hot and flushed... 

My two nieces and sis's 5 week old lab puppies are taking turns waking the house up. I feel out of place, but okay mentally - for now.

Hub posted something on my Facebook wall earlier in the evening, (lovey dovey s*it I'm sure to be used as damage control for himself when everyone finds out I left). I did not respond.

If I can just get through the night...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Hi Yin, sorry I missed the thread til now. I am so proud of you for getting out of that situation, it was NOT good for you. Now is time to focus on you and the future, even if by future = the rest of today. If I were you I would delete his comment to your wall immediately, and then block him on FB. He will try to use that to manipulate you, and the only way to prevent that is to block him. It will also keep pulling you back into the mire. 

You will be okay. I think on some level you already know that. You just need to kind of 'put in the time' so that you are a day, a week, a few weeks etc. out from leaving. Right now it is extremely raw and with the baby coming in a few weeks your emotions are even stronger. Your mom taking his side (absolutely ridiculous) can't have helped. As you yourself say, get through the night, then the next day, then the next. Before you know it, it won't be "I left today", it will be "I left in March, then I had the baby, then I did x, y, z, etc." It is a big deal and I'm not trying to minimize that (in fact I'm applauding you for doing it) but it's not the biggest deal this spring for you even - focus on you right now, your baby will be here soon, and you are going to need a clear head to figure things out with regards to the baby. 

I hope you are sleeping but if not, hang in there, this is only the FIRST DAY and it can only get easier (barring a few initial crazy ups and downs - expect those) and as you 'put in the time' you will find your feet and your path and things will settle down. 

You have said it yourself over and over and over that he does not make you happy and I am so glad that you have taken a major step toward bringing yourself from an unhappy situation into a hopeful one. I'll be thinking of you today and will check back in tonight (tomorrow morning your time). And good night!


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

What omega said. I hope you were able to get some rest last night. Just wanted let you know I'm thinking of you on what will probably be a very difficult day for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

delete what your husband wrote OFF your page.

In fact, hide your wall from him. I hide my wall from my mom. lol.

Now it's time to detox. Get him out of your system so you can learn to stand on your own and think more clearly


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Yin, Believe it or not each day will get easier. Once you detach yourself from him and his problems you will see how much happier and at peace you will be on your own. You have a wonderful little baby to focus your love and energy on and that will help you get through this. You have a lot of support here and you have your sister. You'll be just fine!!


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## The_Swan (Nov 20, 2011)

Big hugs to you, Yin!
I've loosely followed your story on TAM. 
I'm not surprised you finally left. You're a very strong woman and you are doing what's best for you and your baby.

Please keep us posted. You'll always have support on TAM. 
I'll keep you in my thoughts.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

I've been keeping up with your story for a bit, but I'm just now writing anything. I just wanted to say that I'm really proud of you that you stuck to your guns and got yourself out of that situation. I'm also glad that your sister is helping you out. Hang in there and keep working on yourself. As long as you look to take care of yourself, things will get better a bit at a time.


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## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

YP,

I've been following your story for a while here. A couple of observations....

First of all, that_girl rocks. She's been one of your biggest boosters. I really dig all of TG's insights. She's got it together. You need to listen to her when she talks to you. I can tell from her posts that she feels like she's a kindred spirit with yours. You could have worse friends than TG!

Second, you are allowing your feelings to make your decisions for you. When you left and were crying your eyes out, you wondered if you were doing the right thing? 

That shows me you're emotionally pretty healthy! Of course it hurts to leave the man you've (kind of) built a life with! I'd be worried about you if you could just walk out the door without a second thought (by the way, he probably could and that's why he's such a scumbag). 

But here's what I'm trying to say: Feeling bad about leaving is not the same thing as feeling that leaving is bad. Does that make sense? In other words, it's normal for you to feel bad about losing a relationship (even a dysfunctional one). But those feelings of grief don't mean that ending it is the wrong thing to do.

You owe it to that little girl inside of you to be as emotionally healthy as you can be. Little girls look up to their daddies to understand what to look for later in a boyfriend / husband. There have been studies that prove this. It is all completely subconscious, but little girls pattern their future relationships on the relationship they see their mommy and daddy live out.

So here's a question for you; 18 years from now, do you want that little girl to end up in a relationship like the one you're in now? If not - GET THE HELL OUT!

You know me, I'm pretty blunt. I'm not so good at taking my own advice, but I am pretty blunt. And I think your husband is an ass.

You're a good, caring, and wonderful person. Don't let anybody treat you like you're something less. If not for you, do it for that little girl.

Hope your delivery goes well. We're all rooting for you!


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Glad you are with your sister now. Now take the time to relax and enjoy at least part of your pregnancy. This is a special time. I'm glad you are finally in a place to treat it as such. I've been thinking about you and wishing good things for you. Stay strong and be true to yourself for you and your child. Wishing you well.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

We haven't heard anything for a few days...could she possibly be having that baby? Anyone know when she was due?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Mrs. T said:


> We haven't heard anything for a few days...could she possibly be having that baby? Anyone know when she was due?


First few days in April, just like my daughter who had her baby last night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> First few days in April, just like my daughter who had her baby last night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Congrats golfergirl!! Did she have a girl or boy? How exciting :smthumbup:


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Mrs. T said:


> We haven't heard anything for a few days...could she possibly be having that baby? Anyone know when she was due?


Hopefully she's getting settled in, and that a$$ of a hubby of hers is probably trying to find out when she's coming home... He's probably starting crap by now  that's what my H would do if he suddenly realized I was really gone. 

Hope I'm wrong and its peaceful for you Yin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Yin,

In your other thread I posted that I didn't think you should just leave without telling him what you planned to do. Having read about how you've been treated since then I am reversing course and congratulate you on taking control of your life not only for your sake but your baby's as well. I am literally at a loss for words to describe your husband's behavior. Frankly all the descriptive terms I can think of just pale in comparison to what I'm thinking. Take care of yourself first and foremost. You are a good person that bad things have happened to lately. Remember that karma works both ways. It punishes bad behavior but also rewards good behavior. When you see the face of your baby smiling up at you all this sadness will melt away. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Mrs. T said:


> Congrats golfergirl!! Did she have a girl or boy? How exciting :smthumbup:


Baby boy - everything went fast and well.

Yin, proud of your strength and wishing you peace!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

Hi Yin - Got caught up on your story today. Just wanted to say that I'm really sorry you're going through this, especially now. Pregnancy is a huge emotional roller coaster, even with a good man at your side, and sadly you don't have that. 

On the practical side, I remember that in the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I couldn't even sleep in a bed (let alone a couch!). I slept in a recliner. If your sister has one, you might give it a try. 

Hang in there sweetie


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Hi all! I haven't been on because I've been in the hospital. The night I left I was having horrible pain all throughout my body and back (which I later would be told is "back labor/contractions" - holy %#*?!) The pain was so intense I literally did not get any sleep throughout the night, and having my nieces (aged 3 and 1) also waking up screaming and crying during the night, and my sister's two 5 week old lab puppies yelping all night, it was an AWFUL experience!

By the time day broke I had already decided that I needed to go to the hospital. I was pretty sure I was either really sick, or in labor. (Turns out it was a bit of each).

I have a kidney infection, which caused a fever (102!) - which in combination with all the crying I did - which dehydrated me severely, bringing on contractions. At this point I had felt very little movement from the baby in about 30 some odd hours.

So I was admitted and hooked up to an IV and straps to monitor baby. Was told I had high amounts of keytones and proteins in my urine - which signaled possible kidney problems. The worst part of it all was that I told my midwife last Monday that I had been having kidney pain on my left side, which she dismissed (as she dismisses everything I tell her) and she just advised I drink lots of cranberry juice and water - which I did. Obviously it didn't help.

My sister did get my husband and take him to the hospital where I was. She felt that if the baby were going to be born that he should be there, and I did not dispute this. The staff were talking about inducing me if they got my fever under control or even performing a c-section. Hub was very attentive at this time, and sorry to admit it, but I needed it. I was pretty scared, I haven't been this sick in a very long time. My own mom wouldn't even come to the hospital to see me. (Sooo busy working ugh) 

Sorry to disappoint you all, but I am back home with my husband now. I tried to go back to my sister's, but her household is much too busy (and zero privacy for me). Her 3 year old adores me and never leaves me alone and is just exhausting to be around, let alone being sick and pregnant.

She and I are planning to put both her girls in one room so I can have the other and move back. 
For the time being hubby and I are getting along, although I know it won't last. He's been sensitive enough to take care of me while I'm recovering, fetching whatever I need and allowing me plenty of space to sleep. Last night I woke a few times to him feeling my head and asking if I needed anything.

If only he were this person all the time. Or even most of the time.

This isn't over yet, but at the moment I'm just too weak to be anywhere else. Don't knock me too hard. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> First few days in April, just like my daughter who had her baby last night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I just saw this! Congrats GG!!!! I'm so excited for you!!!! *hugs*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Okay, I won't bash you Yin. It sounds like everyone is level headed enough given the circumstances. I can't believe you are so close to delivery . How exciting! 

I hope everyone will continue to support you during this time, and as long as your H is doing this, I think you should accept his support for the health of you and your daughter. 

Hugs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

YP,

You have to do what is best for you and your baby at this time. If that is being home with your husband, so be it. Just remember that this change in him will not last. I'm glad that your sister and her family are so accommodating by moving the children around. That shows that she doesn't really think being with your hubby is the best for you either. 

I really hope for your child's sake that your hubby hurries up with the growing up he needs to do. Good luck to you. Wishing you a safe delivery.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Hi all! I haven't been on because I've been in the hospital. The night I left I was having horrible pain all throughout my body and back (which I later would be told is "back labor/contractions" - holy %#*?!) The pain was so intense I literally did not get any sleep throughout the night, and having my nieces (aged 3 and 1) also waking up screaming and crying during the night, and my sister's two 5 week old lab puppies yelping all night, it was an AWFUL experience!
> 
> By the time day broke I had already decided that I needed to go to the hospital. I was pretty sure I was either really sick, or in labor. (Turns out it was a bit of each).
> 
> ...


Wow, I'm sorry that you've gotten sick because of all of the emotional trauma, but it's good to see that you husband is at least attempting to take care of you. Hopefully, it will last, but I gues the only thing you can do is to take it a day at a time and try to get yourself healthier. Hang in there and best of luck in the coming days with your impending birth.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

How scary! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It sounds like all the stress of the last months is really wearing on your health. I wish your H could understand his role in that, but it seems he lacks empathy and won't be able to put those two things together. 

It's good your sister is preparing the house to host you because that will take a big weight off your shoulders just knowing you have somewhere to go. Hang in there. We're all thinking of you!!!!!


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Carol, I am well aware of my co-dependency and it has been something that has taken me a lot of time to understand and acknowledge. My choice in going back home had nothing to do with my husband, only the fact that I am very ill and need to get better before my baby is born. I am definitely working on getting out of my victim mentality and taking control over my own life. I admit it isn't easy for me at all. I did go back to my sister's house after I was discharged from the hospital but was unable to rest and relax with two very active (and loud) toddlers and puppies there. I'm sure once I have a room to retreat to that things will be much easier. I realize in the future it is something I will have to deal with, with my own child, but I'm trying to get well as my due date is less than two weeks away.

As for the other side of things - to be honest I have tried to get my husband to participate here, get advice, etc. I don't care if he paints me to be the wicked witch - if his interest were in improving our marriage there are resources out there for him to gain insight and perspective as I have.

"Fall down seven times, get up eight" is a philosophy I live by.



Carol/BC said:


> Wait a sec.... this has "poor poor pitiful you" written all over it.* I suspect you've put a whole lot of spin on this situation.* You said, "I'm feeling spiteful and vengeful..."* and I'd agree...I'm hearing it between every line.* If you're here wanting a boost by painting yourself as the victim, I'm not buying it.* There's two sides and I haven't heard enough of the other.* If you want to improve the situation, you'll have to look at your own bad behavior and own it.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Omega! So nice to hear from you, Sweetie!!

How have you been? Last I heard you were unwell, too! I'm hoping you're feeling much better!

Hoping my sis will have her house ready by the end of next week so I can go back. She has been a tremendous support to me, and I know she'll be a big help when the baby arrives.

Today my fever is down to about 99 - so very low grade. Just concentrating on drinking lots of fluids and resting, although my appetite is MIA at the moment. 

I've missed hearing from you! I hope you're doing well! *hugs*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Not to disregard what an @$$ my husband really is sometimes, but it IS nice to know that he (we) can set aside our differences in times of crisis to help each other out. I have to say I value this in him. 

I know as soon as I'm well again he'll be back to being a jerk, but for now it's nice that he's helping me to be comfortable and giving me lots of space and quiet time.

Just wanted to give credit to the "other side" of things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Yin, I am very sorry that your husband is not being supportive or kind. There are some points I would like to clarify...didn't you mention that this was an unplanned pregnancy? I could have sworn you once posted that neither of you wanted children. Not that this is an excuse, but perhaps your husband resents becoming a father when he didn't want to. Correct me if I am wrong. 

You must be painfully aware that having a child will not save an unhappy marriage. In fact, it could be the last straw since even the best couples are strained by new parenthood.  It looks like your husband was callous and dismissive before all of this....now his behavior is worsening because he does not want to have children. He is clearly distancing himself and you should not have to go to your sister for help when you have a husband.

You can't make him become less of a jerk, but you can make choices that are best for you and your child. I am certain that this experience has taught you many lessons. Be well, dearie.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Thanks dear, yes I am feeling better and I think I am back to being online all the time lol. I had the worst winter of just one illness after the other (I think seven in all) and they really got me down psychologically, but SPRING is here, I'm starting my garden tomorrow, and I am determined to even start exercising and getting healthy after an entire winter of moping around in enormous fluffy slippers.

I haven't been through anything like what put you in the hospital but I do have a chronic issue with urinary tract infections (I've had them last for months) so I know how bad that pain is. The advice to drink cranberry juice and water is infuriating, it's a real medical problem and while water is good for everybody, it and cranberry juice are not a cure. I'll be totally honest, one of the reasons I don't think I'm cut out to have children is because I don't think I'd be allowed to take the medicine I have to take to prevent those infections (I basically take antibiotics on a permanent basis), and I just can't face more of those infections. That pain is unreal. I started getting them when I was 10 years old. I've had various other pains in my life, including surgery, but none of them are as bad as that. I hope whatever they did for you means that you are not experiencing any more pain from the infection. UTIs are very common in pregnancy as I understand it, and the midwife should have taken it more seriously since when they are untreated they can attack the kidneys (as you discovered). 

By the way I just want you to know, you're not disappointing me. All of us are cheering for you and we want you to be safe, happy, and healthy. Taking it one day at a time, you have to be in the best environment for you. If TODAY that's at home, then that's where you should be. The important thing is that you're in the right place, and not letting him manipulate you into staying if that's not the right choice. I think it's very easy for people who are not living someone else's life to say 'get out now and never look back' but logistics are rarely that simple especially when you don't have the money to go to a hotel for two weeks (though, if you do, it might not be a bad idea - one of those 'residence inn' type places with a kitchen and so on - sometimes they're surprisingly affordable - might be worth a look if there's something in your area, maybe near the hospital if you're planning a hospital birth).

Do you have a birth plan or anything like that? How are you doing on the preparation for birth stuff?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

FYD - you have an excellent memory! Yes, it was him, us, that never wanted children, and we struggled with the reality of pregnancy for a long time. It's still hard to believe we'll have an infant in two weeks!

I realize he's not going to change, just like I'm not going to change, either, (as far as wanting or needing less than I do) - personal growth is a constant for me...

Maybe I've come to realize that wanting another person to change is the wrong way to go about things - especially when the motive is my comfort. (Ok, I am selfish and controlling), but now I'm thinking I need to let go of that and work on myself. I do need to work on my self-reliance - this is a part of me I lost when I got married; I felt my identity changed, and not for the better...

Omega - so glad to know you're doing better! I can totally relate to not wanting to have children for the numerous sacrifices you must make, and let me tell you, having a chronic condition myself, (fibro), it hasn't been easy. I've had to basically just tough it out throughout the pregnancy for the health of my baby. I was also trying to manage it through diet and exercise, which helped a little, but I could definitely feel the lasting effects of stopping the medications that were making me comfortable before pregnancy. I can't imagine having chronic UTI's - this last week has been hell, and after being hospitalized I am feeling quite upset with my midwife for not taking me seriously before it got so bad. The pain was unreal - I was sitting up all night wondering if I was going to live! I may be dramatic, but the pain was easily 10 times worse than that of the motorcycle accident. It's that *internal* organ pain that is just excruciating! I had been wondering if I could do a natural birth before this, but I think that's out of the question now. I am just a sissy when it comes to pain - from what the nurse told me, fibro "exaggerates" pain symptoms, neurologically speaking, so what may be easily tolerated by another is unbearable to persons with fibro.

So, we are planning a hospital birth, in case there are complications or anything. I want to make sure that after all we've gone through in this pregnancy that the baby doesn't have to go through anything unnecessary. I'm anxious to meet her already, and I am so done with being pregnant! It's not something I think I want to go through again, but you never know. I might just be crazy like that! LoL! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

YinPrincess said:


> Hi all! I haven't been on because I've been in the hospital. The night I left I was having horrible pain all throughout my body and back (which I later would be told is "back labor/contractions" - holy %#*?!) The pain was so intense I literally did not get any sleep throughout the night, and having my nieces (aged 3 and 1) also waking up screaming and crying during the night, and my sister's two 5 week old lab puppies yelping all night, it was an AWFUL experience!
> 
> By the time day broke I had already decided that I needed to go to the hospital. I was pretty sure I was either really sick, or in labor. (Turns out it was a bit of each).
> 
> ...


No bashing here! What you need is support. Doesn't matter where you get it. You've proven to yourself and him you can go. Look after you! Glad you're feeling better. My daughter had bladder infection last week. Hmmmmmm. Maybe soon! Don't dismiss labor as infection! That's how my grandson was almost born at home! Glad to hear from you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Oh my goodness! I kept thinking that all that night, too! What if I have the baby on my sister's couch! LoL! And yet I felt too uncomfortable to get up and go to her room and wake her up!

How is your grandson doing? I'm glad he made his arrival into this world safe and sound! Hoping your daughter is doing okay, as well! *hugs* 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

YinPrincess said:


> Oh my goodness! I kept thinking that all that night, too! What if I have the baby on my sister's couch! LoL! And yet I felt too uncomfortable to get up and go to her room and wake her up!
> 
> How is your grandson doing? I'm glad he made his arrival into this world safe and sound! Hoping your daughter is doing okay, as well! *hugs*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


All is perfect. Wishing the same for you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Been sleeping for several hours. Hub was downstairs watching a movie when I went to lay down, and when I woke up he was the rocking chair next to me, reading a book. I must've drooled an ocean on the pillow, but he came over, knelt next to the bed and asked how I felt. He took my hands and touched my face... Why does it have to take an illness for him just to be attentive and loving? I know when I feel better he will go back to being a jerk - but for now I'm actually enjoying his company... Not getting suckered back in, mind you... I know this is temporary...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

A very wise friend passed something along to me today that might help you....

"An emotionally sick person can sometimes fake being healthy. But an emotionally healthy person will never fake being sick."

Might be something there for you to ponder....


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

True, indeed! I have long bought into the concept that one sick person and one healthy person cannot be together... Sadly, I've learned that I cannot stop being sick myself by just leaving a sick person. I really have to work on me if I ever want to attract someone healthy. I agree with your friend's thoughts 100%!

I have a lot of work to do on me! The only way I see staying with my husband is possible - is if he follows me in a pattern of growth so we can be healthy together. The likelihood of that happening is understandably slim, though. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

Do you think that perhaps your family may be pressuring him?

Or possibly he's only doing this for the baby's sake?

I'm so sorry. If it's any consolation at all, a good friend of mine found out her hubby was cheating on her. They have two young boys and she was pregnant at the time with their daughter. It was tough going through the pregnancy and labor during their separation and ultimately their divorce. It brings feels for each other all back again.

I hope that you can clear your mind soon and decide what is best for YOU. Right now, just try to be safe and get better. Let that baby bake 2 more weeks, and good luck hun! 

We are all still here for you, cheering you on. Regardless of what choice you make... Just make the choice be for YOU and your happiness. Don't let anyone else, even your co-dependency, talk you out of it.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Yin, sorry for what you went through and it sounds like you're doing better. Glad to hear!

But I didn't realize that you and your H didn't want kids. Are you giving the baby up for adoption?


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

He may or may not go back to being a jerk after the baby. You being sick may have woken him up to how he's been behaving and how he's feeling. When you have the baby everything could be different. It could bring you closer, he could realise how much you and his new baby mean to him. Or not. Who knows.

The point is, don't think too far into the future. It could all go down the drain yes, or it could all work out. You are about to give birth and after that you won't know what hit you. You will be too tired to argue and will want support. If you don't get it, you will find a way for you. You will have this new precious bundle to focus your energy on.

You're going into birth and are at home with your husband, whatever happens in the future just focus on today. Don't use your energy up with worry and anxiety. Only you are in control of your life, you do whatever makes you happy.


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

Gratitude said:


> He may or may not go back to being a jerk after the baby. You being sick may have woken him up to how he's been behaving and how he's feeling. When you have the baby everything could be different. It could bring you closer, he could realise how much you and his new baby mean to him. Or not. Who knows.
> 
> The point is, don't think too far into the future. It could all go down the drain yes, or it could all work out. You are about to give birth and after that you won't know what hit you. You will be too tired to argue and will want support. If you don't get it, you will find a way for you. You will have this new precious bundle to focus your energy on.
> 
> You're going into birth and are at home with your husband, whatever happens in the future just focus on today. Don't use your energy up with worry and anxious. Only you are in control of your life, you do whatever makes you happy.


:iagree:


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Gratitude said:


> He may or may not go back to being a jerk after the baby. You being sick may have woken him up to how he's been behaving and how he's feeling. When you have the baby everything could be different. It could bring you closer, he could realise how much you and his new baby mean to him. Or not. Who knows.
> 
> The point is, don't think too far into the future. It could all go down the drain yes, or it could all work out. You are about to give birth and after that you won't know what hit you. You will be too tired to argue and will want support. If you don't get it, you will find a way for you. You will have this new precious bundle to focus your energy on.
> 
> You're going into birth and are at home with your husband, whatever happens in the future just focus on today. Don't use your energy up with worry and anxiety. Only you are in control of your life, you do whatever makes you happy.


Maybe he will suddenly get struck by lightning and start appreciating her - but quite frankly, after what he's put her through with this pregnancy, she deserves way better than he is. Even if he does try to "make up for" the way he's acted in the past, it would take a saint to say, "oh all right then!"

YP, you need support, not because he feels sorry for you or because it's HIS CHILD (with drumroll), but because you deserve support in your own right, and first and foremost from your spouse. Whether he's feeling guilty, pity, or fatherhood, none of those are the reason why he should be there for you. The reason he should be there for you is that he loves you and wants to protect and take care of you, and not cause you pain (including physical medical pain). 

I hope that in your vulnerable post-partum time you won't feel like the scraps he throws you are all you deserve. It might seem like you need those scraps to survive, but I know you deserve so much more. At any rate all of this is hypothetical based on a possibility that fatherhood changes him (which is pretty unlikely).

I'm not trying to bash him but I just don't want to see you taken advantage of when you're most vulnerable.


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