# Solo travel?



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

How do you feel about individual leisure travel in a marriage?

Long story short, I love to travel. The family likes to travel too, but not QUITE as much. When I travel, I like to go to the beach. I’m content with coffee on the beach at sunrise, followed by a leisurely afternoon on the beach soaking up the sun and a modest dinner. I’m not into all of the attractions, huge fancy dinners or anything like that.

When the fam comes along, they will sit on the beach with me, but there’s a lot of “I’m bored” and “can we go to A, B and C?” which generally makes the vacation an expensive one. Which is fine, we PLAN for that. But I’m still positively itching for a long weekend trip. Relaxing. Doing nothing but watching the waves. Reading a good book. Taking a nap. Waking up when I want. Going to sleep when I want.

My vacation at work is incredibly flexible. Since I’m also working remote, I could technically work from the beach with approval. (my preference would be not to though). The kids have no interest in going back to the beach, we were just there for Thanksgiving. My husband would go, but he’d just as soon NOT go and his vacation is nowhere near as flexible, nor does he have the ability to work remote.

I have flight credits that would make my flight free. Obviously, I’d have to get a hotel, but I’m pretty simple in this area as well. My food needs are simple. Given all of this, I could easily travel for a long weekend for not much money. The thought of individual travel is very appealing to me. Traveling alone sounds very liberating. We’ve taken solo trips with friends which has never been an issue, but I can’t seem to find a friend wanting to go.

BUT, I’m afraid to approach the idea of traveling alone to my husband. I wouldn’t mind if he’d come along, I just don’t think he really cares to travel again so soon after just traveling, whereas I’m always thinking of the next trip before the wheels touch down on the last trip.

So what’s the consensus? Would you care if your spouse expressed interest in a solo trip?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LosingHim said:


> How do you feel about individual leisure travel in a marriage?
> 
> Long story short, I love to travel. The family likes to travel too, but not QUITE as much. When I travel, I like to go to the beach. I’m content with coffee on the beach at sunrise, followed by a leisurely afternoon on the beach soaking up the sun and a modest dinner. I’m not into all of the attractions, huge fancy dinners or anything like that.
> 
> ...


Its really up to what your husband thinks, but I can't see the harm in a long weekend away if you both agree.


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Its really up to what your husband thinks, but I can't see the harm in a long weekend away if you both agree.


I'm kind of wondering if it's insulting to even ask? We travel together often and I've traveled without him (and him without me) but it's been with either friends or family. If I said I was going to Florida with Jane Doe for a weekend, he wouldn't care. But I've never approached solo travel. I'm afraid he'll feel like I'm TRYING to exclude him. Where it's actually more just that I'm already ready to go again where he won't have the "itch" for a few more months.


----------



## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

LosingHim said:


> BUT, I’m afraid to approach the idea of traveling alone to my husband.


Why?

Edit - you answered my question


> I'm afraid he'll feel like I'm TRYING to exclude him.


worth talking about it then. It's like my rule on a lot of things: it's OK for one partner to ask, and it's OK for the other one to say no, I don't like the sound of that.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

My wife has probably done more than half her leisure travel without me. I was glad to have her go places without me that I had no interest in and didn’t want to go to.

She has gone all over the world without me usually with friends. My preference is more like you which is go to my home town and hang out at the beach, eat oysters, and drink champagne. I don’t care about attractions or sightseeing. I hate camping and backpacking. My wife likes that stuff so she will go with her family and I stay home.

Now later in life I am more interested in her kind of travel but she works all the time and has seemingly less interest.

To answer your question I’m sure it depends on the man. I would have ruined a lot of my wife’s trips if I had gone with her.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I've thrown this Idea around a bit, largely in frustration. I've actually abandoned the tickets I bought this year (technically I have a credit with united until march). But Mrs. Nail doesn't have a real ID, So if I was to use that credit it would be travel without spouse. On the other hand, I could drive to Las Vegas NV in less than 8 hours. Given family history, I'd need new keys when I got back. 
I'm not really anxious to experience Covid travel, even for a lonely cold beach. I'm going to wait until summer I think. 
But, all of that does nothing to answer your question.
Will your husband feel like you are trying to exclude him?
You do have kids at home so that does mean for every quiet morning on the beach you take, he pays with a half day of kids demands. Whatever that entails at their current age. That factor is going to push him to the "you left me" side. On the other hand, when I did scout weekends, Mrs N. slept in, worked on her projects, or just went to work. My youngest went with me, and the teen girls took care of themselves. Mrs. N liked getting me out of the house. She might have felt differently If I was relaxing on a beach, pretending to read, but really checking out the hard bodies. 
it also depends on the introvert extrovert balance. You seem to get recharged by being alone. I'm the opposite, being with people recharges me. I don't need alone time more than 1 or 2 times a year. Your husbands desire for alone time will affect how much he is bothered by you going without him.
Last, you seem to be approaching a threshold that I am crossing. I'm getting sick and tired of planning vacations for other people. I want to go where I want and do what I want for a change, and If I have to leave Mrs. N. home to get that, . . . . well what would I be missing? certainly not a sex opportunity. 
TLDR - Some things from my life that your question brought to mind.


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

I'm an avid skier, my wife hates the cold. So I have taken a few heli-skiing trips by myself. I have also taken a few trips with the kids to Disney and left the wife home. I have way more work flexibility than her and when I was a kid my parents bought an unhealthy number of Disney Vacation Club points so we use them. 

I think solo travel is a great experience.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I don’t see an issue with it at all, given normal circumstances. If I remember correctly, you are a WS, so that could add anxiety for him? I don’t know your situation. Only he would know how he feels so I would suggest bringing it up. There is nothing selfish in what you are asking to do.


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I definitely have some interest in solo travel for a few reasons. First and foremost, I think it would be incredibly cool and liberating to just go by myself. No one to worry about but ME. No one to count on but ME. No one’s interests to take into account but MINE.


Also, I’m the caregiver to everyone. In almost all facets of my life. I’m always going somewhere for someone, doing something for someone, etc. The thought of having nothing like that to do for 3 days sounds like heaven LOL.


If I took a beach trip by myself, I don’t have to worry about other people’s sunscreen, whether others were bored, if someone was in the mood for seafood and someone else was in the mood for a burger. Waiting for everyone to get ready. Making sure everyone packed underwear. Making sure they don’t drown in the ocean. Someone wanting to watch TV while someone else wants to sleep. It goes on and on and on. I do LOVE traveling with my family, heck I offered to take everyone on a Christmas trip and they wanted presents instead. But even on vacation, it often still comes back on me to make sure everyone is happy (I take this on myself a lot, don’t get me wrong).


Another part of it is, the older I get, I love spontaneity. The allure of looking up a flight and leaving a few days later is exciting to me. I’ve done it a couple of times and stayed with my friend in Florida – but due to circumstances right now that’s not an option. Whereas my husband likes to push it out several months in advance. I have a flexible work schedule, my husband does not. I work for a company that encourages you to take your vacation time, my husband doesn’t really have anyone that can back him up that often. I have the itch to travel all the time, my husband would be cool with a couple of times a year.


As far as my husband having to pick up the slack with the kids, they are older so it’s not too terrible. 13, 16 and 19 they mostly fend for themselves when we’re at home. And they don’t really ask him to do much (especially when I’m home, I’m the “default” parent).


Any time I’ve brought up wanting to travel in the past, if he’s not feeling it he’ll just suggest for me to take one or all of the kids. I’ve done that quite a few times too. So it’s not always about him not going, but I’ve never approached it as JUST ME.


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

RebuildingMe said:


> I don’t see an issue with it at all, given normal circumstances. If I remember correctly, you are a WS, so that could add anxiety for him? I don’t know your situation. Only he would know how he feels so I would suggest bringing it up. There is nothing selfish in what you are asking to do.


I was, several years ago. This aspect worries me. Not because I worry about myself, but I DON'T want to cause him worry in that aspect. But it definitely does add another wrinkle in even bringing it up. The last thing I want to do is put thoughts in his head that that could happen again.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

How old are the kids and what kind of ask it that of him?


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

LosingHim said:


> I was, several years ago. This aspect worries me. Not because I worry about myself, but I DON'T want to cause him worry in that aspect. But it definitely does add another wrinkle in even bringing it up. The last thing I want to do is put thoughts in his head that that could happen again.


Well, considering you spent about five seconds as a WS while he spent several (at least) years as one, I don’t think you should be too concerned about that.


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Anastasia6 said:


> How old are the kids and what kind of ask it that of him?


13, 16 and 19. The 19 year old would be back to college by then and plan it for when the 16 year old is with his dad. So he’d had a 13 year old to worry about.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Openminded said:


> Well, considering you spent about five seconds as a WS while he spent several (at least) years as one, I don’t think you should be too concerned about that.


I was unaware that they were MH. I haven’t been here long enough to know all the background. However, being a BS, a solo vacation could bring with it anxiety. As we know, trust seldom fully comes back.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> As we know, trust seldom fully comes back.


And it shouldn’t. It’s one thing to trust completely before you’ve been cheated on. After? No.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

LosingHim said:


> I was, several years ago. This aspect worries me. Not because I worry about myself, but I DON'T want to cause him worry in that aspect. But it definitely does add another wrinkle in even bringing it up. The last thing I want to do is put thoughts in his head that that could happen again.





Openminded said:


> Well, considering you spent about five seconds as a WS while he spent several (at least) years as one, I don’t think you should be too concerned about that.





Openminded said:


> Well, considering you spent about five seconds as a WS while he spent several (at least) years as one, I don’t think you should be too concerned about that.


I disagree with @Openminded on this one. It doesn't really matter whether it was one or both parties that cheated; there is no way to remove that from being important w/regards the context of individual vacations. This is a trust thing, it's a giving-your-partner-no-reason-to-even-think about things past. I believe you need to be inclusionary here, for both of your sakes. Forget the kids, but you need to be spending time with your spouse, especially when you talk about places like beaches, basically anything remotely romantic. 

Betrayal and reconciliation is not an easy or simple thing to deal with. It, the process, never takes a day off. It has to be mindful dedication to the task, for many, many years. It sucks, sure, but both of you decided to reconcile, you're on the same page, you see a future, right? Take care of the relationship.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Knowing your situation, and knowing your husband, I would take the solo trip.
Make frequent calls and message a lot.

As, you are very co-dependent, this is a step away from that.

I have a niece who takes 1-2 trips away per year, all by herself.
And she sits in a bikini at the poolside or at the beach and comes back with a deep tan. 

Her husband goes skiing in Colorado or in Utah, in the Pocono's 2-3 times a year with his buddies.

I presume they trust each other.


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Casual Observer said:


> I disagree with @Openminded on this one. It doesn't really matter whether it was one or both parties that cheated; there is no way to remove that from being important w/regards the context of individual vacations. This is a trust thing, it's a giving-your-partner-no-reason-to-even-think about things past. I believe you need to be inclusionary here, for both of your sakes. Forget the kids, but you need to be spending time with your spouse, especially when you talk about places like beaches, basically anything remotely romantic.
> 
> Betrayal and reconciliation is not an easy or simple thing to deal with. It, the process, never takes a day off. It has to be mindful dedication to the task, for many, many years. It sucks, sure, but both of you decided to reconcile, you're on the same page, you see a future, right? Take care of the relationship.



I do get a lot of what you’re saying. And trust me, the trust thing is at the forefront of my mind. I don’t have any desire to cause him any worry. I guess part of me kind of sees it as no different than his hobbies though. I sit at home all day every day outside of my volunteer gig twice a week. Which he’s also supposed to volunteer with me at, but has yet to show up. It’s something we were supposed to go into together, but I’m the only one that does it. The only “hobby” I have is one that I do from inside my home – and it’s a solo hobby.


On the other hand, he has several hobbies that take him out of the home. One is twice a week. The other is usually twice a week and then every Saturday, and usually every Sunday. He’s gone, out of the home enjoying hobbies with others anywhere from 3-6 days a week, depending on the season. I don’t love it, but also try to be understanding that he has hobbies that don’t interest me. I guess to a certain extent, I feel the same about this. He doesn’t necessarily enjoy vegging on the beach, but I do. If we lived in a state where the beach was within driving distance, I don’t think he’d care if I took off on a Saturday and drove over and hung out by myself. It’s the flying to another state that adds the wrinkle into it.


But one question – are beaches considered romantic? I’ve never considered a beach romantic. I don’t necessarily think he does either.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

LosingHim said:


> But one question – are beaches considered romantic? I’ve never considered a beach romantic. I don’t necessarily think he does either.


My wife doesn’t. They can be under the right circumstances ex. not crowded, sunset, fire ring.


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife doesn’t. They can be under the right circumstances ex. not crowded, sunset, fire ring.


 I guess I could see that to an extent. Or maybe if we're talking Hawaii or the carribean.

When I think of the beach I think of just sitting in the sun, maybe having a cocktail, relaxing, listening to music, watching kids play. I like to sit on the beach in the morning and have coffee and watch the sunrise. The right beach, I do enjoy the sunset because it’s gorgeous and I like to photograph it. But once the sun goes down, I’m off the beach. I’ll walk on it at night with the kids, or this last trip, my husband and I sat out on it and had a few drinks. But, honestly, I don’t really enjoy the beach at night, and wouldn’t go on the beach ALONE at night at all.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

For me the beach is:

Surfing right before sunrise

Running barefoot on the wet sand for miles

Fire rings at sunset with Farmer John hot dogs and wire coat hangers like you used to get from the dry cleaners

Eating donuts watching the sun coming up and trying not to get sand on them but eating them anyway when sand does get on them

After work barbecues with crappy Hibachis that can barely cook a burger but not caring because you’re at the beach and you have beer!

Walking across the street to get whatever pizza by the slice is available, especially good if you have been bodyboarding after surfing black ball comes out.

Partying with cocktails across the street.


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

ccpowerslave said:


> For me the beach is:
> 
> Surfing right before sunrise
> 
> ...


Well, now you're just explaining what I actually want my life to be LOL. I have a great desire to move to the beach someday. I've been working on the husband, he's about 80% on board. But we have at least 5 years before it's a consideration.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Tell me about it. 

I discussed getting a condo down by where I want to live but obviously it’s expensive as hell and to get into the small area my wife would find acceptable it would be smaller than she would want. Ultimately it’s my dream and not hers; I think I have given up on it.

My parents still live a 10 minute drive from there so pre-Covid I was getting to go once or twice a year.

Where we live now we’re 35 minutes from the beach but it is crappy as it is too far north. I still love the ocean here but not for sports and it isn’t really a lifestyle like it is down south.

When I was a young man home from college I used to drive to the ocean in the afternoon (to go smoke cigarettes) and I would just stare at the waves and the horizon. Gave up that habit decades ago but I never get bored looking at the ocean.

Hopefully you can get your husband on the last 20%!


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think you should definitely go alone for a little beach time.

But I think you should do it after covid is no longer an issue.


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Livvie said:


> I think you should definitely go alone for a little beach time.
> 
> But I think you should do it after covid is no longer an issue.



I have travelled 3 times since Covid. The first, I drove with my 2 daughters and my mom. This was early on (May) so things were still a little unknown. I rented an Airbnb, we stayed in, only did take out or cooked in the house. Very similar to what we’re doing at home. We masked and stayed away from people. August, we flew to Vegas. I’ve done quite a bit of reading on flying and Covid. An airplane is actually one of the safest indoor places you can be as far as transmission. Airlines are also VERY strict about mask wearing. I’ve flown 4 different airlines since the pandemic, and there is no leeway (not that I tried, others did). Frontier actually threatened to ground the plane and put people that weren’t masking on a no fly list. Vegas has incredibly strict mask regulations, 25% capacities in effect, etc. BUT, I will say, I probably won’t be back to Vegas until this is more under control. It was a little too close for comfort with crowds. Most recently, we went to Florida and again flew. The area we stayed in was a smaller, quaint area that doesn’t have large chain hotels. The hotel we stayed at only has 21 rooms in total, and it’s a converted apartment building (which is what the majority of hotels in the area are). Masks required and enforced. We were able to stay very distanced on the beach and at the hotel and did contactless delivery for quite a few meals. We did go to a couple of restaurants, but all seating was distanced and outdoors. The area I live in is currently one of the worst for cases and has been for some weeks. I live in an area of idiots who constantly scream about their “freedoms”, refuse to mask (I’ve been baaaa’d at at the grocery store), they have parties, pack the bars and mostly give NO concern to anything going on. My husband works with the public and so do my oldest daughter and son. I have actually felt SAFER going to areas where people actually do the things needed than I have at home.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Alternate solution:

You stay home vegging and send them off for an activity-packed vacation.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If you have a foundation of trust, either of you should be able to be honest with the other and go on a trip without them. I mean, even my mom in the 50s went on trips to visit relatives and one time we rode a train from Kansas to California without Dad along. He went hunting and, pretty sure, whoring in Mexico. My parents didn't have a problem with it. Probably glad to have the house to themselves and a break in routine. I've seen men who aren't even married get their shorts in a twist over their girlfriend going on a one-day out of town trip to see friends. It's a red flag. Don't be with someone that insecure and controlling. 

All that said, I almost always travel alone. Even back when my sister and I would both end up going home form Christmas, we sometimes took separate cars rather than have to conform with the other's schedule.


----------



## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I haven't traveled alone. My husband either. 

When we travel alone we usually meet friends or family and we make plans to do something or visit a special place.

We like to travel with each other. We are adventurous enough to go to different places around the world and not everyone likes to do that.

We live in a beach town so going to the beach is not a big deal, lol! We like to go to remote beaches a few hours away from the tourist areas surrounding us. 

My husband has mentioned I should make plans and go somewhere, but I definitely need to go with someone, otherwise I'd be alone, like a coach potato doing nothing and that's not good for me. My husband is too social to travel alone.

We have done our own thing when traveling, for example, we have visited museums alone depending on our own interests. 

We don't have any issues traveling alone, but my relationship is different from yours. You have to ask your husband and see how he feels about it.


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I am all about solo travel. If you do it sparingly, if you don’t neglect family time, if you make good money, and your partner has equal opportunities to travel without you then it’s fine. 

My boyfriend has 3weeks vacation. I have 6 weeks. I make double what he makes. I love going somewhere to unwind and relax, get a massage, be in a beach, read a book etc. I work hard and I have a stressful job so no one is going to tell me not use my paid time off.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

DownByTheRiver said:


> If you have a foundation of trust, either of you should be able to be honest with the other and go on a trip without them. I mean, even my mom in the 50s went on trips to visit relatives and one time we rode a train from Kansas to California without Dad along. *He went hunting and, pretty sure, whoring in Mexico. *


And you're making a case_* in favor*_ or traveling solo? Or am I misreading something?


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> I am all about solo travel. If you do it sparingly, if you don’t neglect family time, if you make good money, and your partner has equal opportunities to travel without you then it’s fine.
> 
> My boyfriend has 3weeks vacation. I have 6 weeks. I make double what he makes. I love going somewhere to unwind and relax, get a massage, be in a beach, read a book etc. I work hard and I have a stressful job so no one is going to tell me not use my paid time off.


I travel without my wife frequently, doing big bicycle trips overseas, something she'd never be into. But generally not solo; nearly always with someone else, often my adult son. In general I've found "adventure"-type vacations more fun with someone else along, because there's something about shared memories that make them more real. But that's just me. I've done it solo too, and it's OK, but for me, not as much fun.

The trips I take with my wife are entirely different from those I would do for myself. She's not into no-pain no-gain and looking for a very different experience. I would not be threatened by her doing a trip on her own, and have encouraged her to do so, but she's really not that interested. Don't think she's ever had any concerns about my own trips away from home, whether business or pleasure. I've certainly never given her reason for concern.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Casual Observer said:


> And you're making a case_* in favor*_ or traveling solo? Or am I misreading something?


Well, I suspected the latter very much in retrospect after I got to know him as an adult. But honestly, I don't think she cared that much except for threat of disease. In the 50s and early 60s, before widespread birth control, after done making babies, a lot of women shut down the baby factory to at least some extent. I never saw her upset about his trips at all. But he would later say things to me about Mexico that made me know he'd been there, and he really liked animals and didn't even like shooting them, so that's just knowing him better in later years. He was a mess. I think regardless, she was glad to have some peace and quiet, I really do. Different strokes.


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> I travel without my wife frequently, doing big bicycle trips overseas, something she'd never be into. But generally not solo; nearly always with someone else, often my adult son. In general I've found "adventure"-type vacations more fun with someone else along, because there's something about shared memories that make them more real. But that's just me. I've done it solo too, and it's OK, but for me, not as much fun.
> 
> The trips I take with my wife are entirely different from those I would do for myself. She's not into no-pain no-gain and looking for a very different experience. I would not be threatened by her doing a trip on her own, and have encouraged her to do so, but she's really not that interested. Don't think she's ever had any concerns about my own trips away from home, whether business or pleasure. I've certainly never given her reason for concern.


I agree that adventure type things are better with people. My solo vacations are more spa like vacations. 

I went skiing yesterday by myself and I often go alone because I’d rather go alone than not at all and sometimes the mood strikes and my friends are unavailable.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

My friends are not available. One has kids and she lets them determine everything, so I am not going to travel with them. One used to go little day trips with me, which were fun, to the casino or out of town to a museum in the town where her sister lived. That was fun too. But now she can't even really get away for even lunch because her boyfriend pressures her for more and more time with him when she craves some alone time. We went once last year and he was sitting at the curb when we got home. We're in our 60s FFS!! Such juvenile crap.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> I agree that adventure type things are better with people. My solo vacations are more spa like vacations.
> 
> I went skiing yesterday by myself and I often go alone because I’d rather go alone than not at all and sometimes the mood strikes and my friends are unavailable.


But if, during skiing, you'd done something really crazy and injured yourself, isn't it better that you have a witness that you can laugh about it later with?


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I thought I was kind of clear on this early on, but maybe I didn’t specify. : ) I’m talking completely SOLO travel. My husband does not care if I travel with friends, or family other than him. I’ve done friend trips and I’ve done trips where I’ve taken one or multiple kids and he’s stayed home. I’ve also done solo trips where I’ve gone alone BUT I stayed with a friend who lives in a beach town. During those trips, I’ve gone to the beach alone a day or two when she hasn’t had vacation time from work and then her and I hang out at night and go to dinner, etc. He’s been fine with all of that and done some of his own trips with friends (Vegas and golf trips). Our last trip, she actually drove over and stayed at the same hotel as us for 2 days. The problem is, I can’t go stay with her right now due to some family things she has going on. She would tell me to come, but with all that she unloaded on me in November when she came over, I would feel like an a$$ being a houseguest. I COULD go stay in her town, just stay at a hotel. The only issue with that is, I kind of have a desire to go back to where we just went because I completely fell in love with the area. But it’s almost two hours from her. I MIGHT be able to talk her into coming over again, I’m just unsure because of all of the things she has going on at home. Myself, her and 3 other girls have been friends since high school and we’ve been talking for years about a girls trip but it just never seems to happen with everyone’s schedules.

I’ve asked a couple of other girlfriends to go, who always seem to express interest, but when it comes down to it they’re either too busy, can’t leave the kids, etc. The majority of my friends have younger kids, where my kids are older and a little more self sufficient.

Right before Covid hit, my oldest daughter was planning a trip to Mexico with her college girlfriends for July. All of the parents didn’t want a group of 8 college girls in Mexico alone, so I was “nominated” as the mom to go along as a chaperone. I was going to get my own hotel room and kind of keep to myself, just be there to make sure no one got too crazy and everyone was safe. Of course with Covid, that got cancelled.

My husbands been fine with all of that. This would be 100% ALONE. If I could find someone to go with me, they would be welcome to come! The problem is finding that someone, but on the other hand, I’m also fine with going solo. As someone mentioned, I am fine with solitude. I didn’t use to be. But there have been some things that have happened over the years that kind of forced me to spend a lot of time alone so I’ve adjusted and actually enjoy my own company now. There’s also the fact that I spend almost all of my time doing everything for everyone in all facets of my life, so taking a little time where I do nothing for anyone EXCEPT me sounds downright amazing.


----------



## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Have you talked to your husband about this already? 

We really don't know what he's going to say. You need to ask him directly.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Casual Observer said:


> But if, during skiing, you'd done something really crazy and injured yourself, isn't it better that you have a witness that you can laugh about it later with?


Maybe... Last time I went snowboarding with my wife we ended up on the side of the mountain where the “easy” run was probably medium at most resorts. It had a section I knew was tricky and I was trying to get my wife to wear a helmet. She said they look bad (they do).

So of course she fell on her head and gave herself a concussion and seemed to blame me for it. She was not laughing.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

LosingHim said:


> I thought I was kind of clear on this early on, but maybe I didn’t specify. : ) I’m talking completely SOLO travel. My husband does not care if I travel with friends, or family other than him. I’ve done friend trips and I’ve done trips where I’ve taken one or multiple kids and he’s stayed home. I’ve also done solo trips where I’ve gone alone BUT I stayed with a friend who lives in a beach town. During those trips, I’ve gone to the beach alone a day or two when she hasn’t had vacation time from work and then her and I hang out at night and go to dinner, etc. He’s been fine with all of that and done some of his own trips with friends (Vegas and golf trips). Our last trip, she actually drove over and stayed at the same hotel as us for 2 days. The problem is, I can’t go stay with her right now due to some family things she has going on. She would tell me to come, but with all that she unloaded on me in November when she came over, I would feel like an a$$ being a houseguest. I COULD go stay in her town, just stay at a hotel. The only issue with that is, I kind of have a desire to go back to where we just went because I completely fell in love with the area. But it’s almost two hours from her. I MIGHT be able to talk her into coming over again, I’m just unsure because of all of the things she has going on at home. Myself, her and 3 other girls have been friends since high school and we’ve been talking for years about a girls trip but it just never seems to happen with everyone’s schedules.
> 
> I’ve asked a couple of other girlfriends to go, who always seem to express interest, but when it comes down to it they’re either too busy, can’t leave the kids, etc. The majority of my friends have younger kids, where my kids are older and a little more self sufficient.
> 
> ...


The main issue I see is your husband may not trust you being alone. or that you are going to be alone. With your past I wouldn't spring it on him. But you know your husband better than anyone. Do you think he'd be ok with it?


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

LosingHim said:


> Well, now you're just explaining what I actually want my life to be LOL. I have a great desire to move to the beach someday. I've been working on the husband, he's about 80% on board. But we have at least 5 years before it's a consideration.


Ach!

By then, the doctors will insist you stay out of the sun!

Or, you will, by then, decide you hate sun-derived wrinkles!

With aging comes sanity, and the discarding of one's warmest fantasies.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your ageless mind may love the beach.

But...

Your aging mirror will keep you inside, plumply hidden away!


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Casual Observer said:


> But if, during skiing, you'd done something really crazy and injured yourself, isn't it better that you have a witness that you can laugh about it later with?





ccpowerslave said:


> Maybe... Last time I went snowboarding with my wife we ended up on the side of the mountain where the “easy” run was probably medium at most resorts. It had a section I knew was tricky and I was trying to get my wife to wear a helmet. She said they look bad (they do).
> 
> So of course she fell on her head and gave herself a concussion and seemed to blame me for it. She was not laughing.


Yeah, the concussion is probably overkill for the good laugh later. In my case, my kids talked me into snowboarding with them a couple decades ago (they were like 10 & 14 or so I think). They knew what they were doing. Me? Ohmygosh. And the next day, leaving, I was so sore and stiff I could barely get myself into the car to drive home. They still have great laughs about that trip, and you know, that's OK. It makes it somehow worthwhile. Had I done it on my own, different story.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Haha. The first time I went I thought it would be easy for me. I twisted my front knee really bad about 20 minutes into a lesson and I just kept going and even tried a jump (landed on face).

Once we got back to the hotel and I started to cool down I realized how bad it was and I couldn’t even stand up or walk. Fortunately there was a restaurant with a bar at the hotel complex so I was mostly able to self medicate through the weekend.


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> But if, during skiing, you'd done something really crazy and injured yourself, isn't it better that you have a witness that you can laugh about it later with?


100%

I’m saying that if no one is available, that won’t stop me from going. 
You can’t wait until conditions are perfect to live your life. If I want to do something, and no one can go with me, that won’t prevent me from going. Planning something far in advance is also different than a spur of the moment decision. For example, it snowed a lot here the other day; and it was 40 degrees... there is NO WAY I was going to let that beautiful day go to waste, I needed to ski. 

When opportunity strikes you gotta go!


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

LosingHim said:


> I thought I was kind of clear on this early on, but maybe I didn’t specify. : ) I’m talking completely SOLO travel. My husband does not care if I travel with friends, or family other than him. I’ve done friend trips and I’ve done trips where I’ve taken one or multiple kids and he’s stayed home. I’ve also done solo trips where I’ve gone alone BUT I stayed with a friend who lives in a beach town. During those trips, I’ve gone to the beach alone a day or two when she hasn’t had vacation time from work and then her and I hang out at night and go to dinner, etc. He’s been fine with all of that and done some of his own trips with friends (Vegas and golf trips). Our last trip, she actually drove over and stayed at the same hotel as us for 2 days. The problem is, I can’t go stay with her right now due to some family things she has going on. She would tell me to come, but with all that she unloaded on me in November when she came over, I would feel like an a$$ being a houseguest. I COULD go stay in her town, just stay at a hotel. The only issue with that is, I kind of have a desire to go back to where we just went because I completely fell in love with the area. But it’s almost two hours from her. I MIGHT be able to talk her into coming over again, I’m just unsure because of all of the things she has going on at home. Myself, her and 3 other girls have been friends since high school and we’ve been talking for years about a girls trip but it just never seems to happen with everyone’s schedules.
> 
> I’ve asked a couple of other girlfriends to go, who always seem to express interest, but when it comes down to it they’re either too busy, can’t leave the kids, etc. The majority of my friends have younger kids, where my kids are older and a little more self sufficient.
> 
> ...


I’m all about solo trips. I honestly don’t understand why it’s a big deal. Your an adult, do what you want to do. Obviously you have some bias toward it because you have come on a forum to get opinions from strangers. Why? Why would there be anything wrong with taking a get away all by yourself?


----------



## Lassion (Jun 23, 2021)

Travelling alone is fantastic, and your husband should let you go. The important thing is that you don't forget about your family and come home. Maybe you should also travel with your family once in a while. Personally, I love travelling alone, and it literally makes me glow with happiness. My husband is glad to let me travel because it makes me happy, he works hard and can't go with me. DH can't stand to see me sad and only worries about my safety, so he always checks every country and resort for Is Playa del Carmen Safe for Travel in 2021? • African Jacana. He really loves me and doesn't want anything to happen to me.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

LosingHim said:


> I'm kind of wondering if it's insulting to even ask? We travel together often and I've traveled without him (and him without me) but it's been with either friends or family. If I said I was going to Florida with Jane Doe for a weekend, he wouldn't care. But I've never approached solo travel. I'm afraid he'll feel like I'm TRYING to exclude him. Where it's actually more just that I'm already ready to go again where he won't have the "itch" for a few more months.


How about putting it to him as "I'd love the two of us to go for a long weekend away to the beach, what do you think?" If he says yes, great, if he says no, then ask him if he'd mind if you went alone.


----------



## Koihag (Oct 26, 2021)

I believe that traveling without a husband or wife is good for our mental health. Having a break from the relationship is beneficial for both. We decided to have such trips at least once a year. This year, I planned to go to Europe, namely Germany, to do a little city break without my wife. I put the most attractive places to visit on my list, including the neuschwanstein castle tour, which I read to be the most beautiful castle in the world. I love active travel when my wife loves to lie on the beach.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

LosingHim said:


> How do you feel about individual leisure travel in a marriage?
> 
> Long story short, I love to travel. The family likes to travel too, but not QUITE as much. When I travel, I like to go to the beach. I’m content with coffee on the beach at sunrise, followed by a leisurely afternoon on the beach soaking up the sun and a modest dinner. I’m not into all of the attractions, huge fancy dinners or anything like that.
> 
> ...


I will sometimes spend three days in Jasper, Alberta, when I have the time in money. I enjoy it, because I'm there to walk the trails and she isn't interested in that stuff. 
But she knows that where I say I'm going to go is exactly where I am going to go and what I'm going to do.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

LosingHim said:


> So what’s the consensus? Would you care if your spouse expressed interest in a solo trip?


my thought: it is a very bad idea

on a beach, presumably wearing a bikini? having a few drinks to relax. 
then some guy at the bar hitting on you? temptation island?

at least, bring a married female friend along.

you could add a solarium to your house, if you just want to sun bathe. Join local gym that has a pool? Staycation!


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Talker67 said:


> my thought: it is a very bad idea
> 
> on a beach, presumably wearing a bikini? having a few drinks to relax.
> then some guy at the bar hitting on you? temptation island?
> ...



On the beach in a bikini is generally what I’d do. I don’t generally end up at a beach bar though. When I do travel and get a drink, I generally walk up to the bar, get my drink and go back to the beach. Or bring a cooler that I drink out of. I have had men try to start conversations with me when getting a drink, but I generally keep it very basic and short and go on about my way. I understand that it could be a worry that it would happen, I guess I’m just saying I wouldn’t LET it happen. 


When we go to Vegas a couple times a year, I go to the pool by myself. I always end up talking to people while I’m there because my husband doesn’t come to the pool with me. I’ve ended up in groups talking before, just passing the day away, but never solo with a man. And my husband usually ends up teasing me because I’ll say I made a friend while there, but generally the friend ends up being an older woman or an older couple. For some reason, that’s who I seem to have the best conversation with. Last time we were in Vegas and I went to the pool was in April. The lady I spent all day talking to was 74. For the record, that’s the same age as my dad. My husband always thinks it’s funny that the people I end up talking to generally end up being 20 or 30 years older than me. But I could see why it would be a concern if I was truly alone. Although it really wouldn’t have to BE a worry.


I’d love to be able to travel with a friend each time, unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of friends that can just pick up and travel as often as I can. Most of them require several months planning to be able to go somewhere. Which isn’t awful, I just tend to book spontaneous travel because I like the option of just getting away when I find a cheap flight. I just got back from Vegas actually, but I took my 14 year old with me. We booked the flight 18 days before we left. I’ve been known to book a flight as little as 4 days before leaving. Finding someone to go with me on that short of notice is really hard. I’ve even offered to pay their airfare and hotel, they’d just pay for food. (for reference, I don’t have money like THAT, it’s when I’ve found a cheap flight – like less than $100 that I’ve offered. I’d be paying for a hotel anyway so that’s not extra money out of my pocket other than the flight).


----------



## DLC (Sep 19, 2021)

To me, solo trips are perfectly fine. The question is what responsibility you left behind for the other party to take care of in the mean time. Children? House? Business?

If stuff are taken care of, and it’s well communicated to the other party (i.e. “I am not traveling alone to get away from you, it’s just something that I do.” Etc), then I think it’s all good.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Just ask him. See what his thoughts are. Why. Do you overthink things so much? Honestly, are you subconsciously worried he will cheat on you while you’re gone?

I personally wouldn’t want you going off all alone because I’d worry like hell about you. Not necessarily cheating, but kidnapped or something. But that’s probably an unreasonable fear.


----------



## ginniebolles15 (3 mo ago)

It's a pity that this feature was disabled, I enjoyed reading these reports. Usually, before a trip, my friends and I went to the site and thus looked for interesting places and attractions. We have been planning a trip to Berlin for a long time and finally decided to go


----------



## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

@LosingHim Yes there is. When you're married, you go around as though you are one unit. When you go on vacation, you have to make sure there are things for your kids to do. It's rather simple. You wanting to do things by yourself is an entirely different animal and something tells me it has more to do with you wanting to be away from your husband than anything else. 

Please, be dead serious, why do you want to go on vacation by yourself?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Zombie Cat says "This thread is no longer travelling anywhere. It is a zombie thread."


----------

