# Name change after divorce



## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

I took my STBXH surname when we married. At the time I was advised by some co-workers and Senior leaders not to. They voiced that I had a professional reputation based on my maiden name, and it would be confusing with a change. I did choose to change it as I felt that a name change should not hinder my professionally. I did find some things quite difficult and even people in my own organisation didn't realise I was the same person, but that has been overcome.

Now, with my divorce looming this week, I'm questioning whether I should change it back or not? There are no children from the marriage, so no real need to keep it, other than again for professional reasons, but this time I am thinking of not changing it. But then that leads me to wonder, if, down the line I choose to marry again, would I keep it or change it then? 

What's everyone's views here? What did you do and why? If you were in a relationship with someone who kept their ex spouse's surname, how would you feel?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

If there were no kids involved, I'd change it back. Unless maybe I had been married a very long time, mutiple decades, with that name.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I kept my first husband's name after the divorce. I saw no reason to go through the while rigmarole of changing it again. I did have children but by the time I did actually get divorced, which was about 3 years after the separation, the youngest was 16-17 so it wouldn't have mattered to them if my name had been different. Then there was the issue of do I become miss or ms, so it was just easier to stay Mrs. 
When I married again I took my new husband's name.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I changed mine back to my father's name after my divorce. We had no kids together and my kids have their father's name.

I am also established professionally, but it wasn't a big deal. It's not that unusual anymore. Whenever people would look confused I'd offer up that they may have known me as lifeistooshort "old last name" and that would clear it up.

It was funny though because when you change your name some people, depending on how well they know you, don't know if you got married or divorced and then don't know how to react. I kept my sense of humor and assured people it was all good and I was very happy. That helped everyone relax.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

I did not change my name for the very reasons cited by your colleagues: I had already built a professional reputation on my name. 

In your shoes I would change my name back. Just do a better job communicating the change this time. There is no reason to stay connected to your EX by name.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

I can't wait to change my name back to my maiden. Even with a child, I don't need to be associated in that manner. I understand it's an inconvenience to go through and certain dynamics make it easier to just keep it, but especially in your circumstances why wouldn't you?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It definitely was a pain, in my case, to change it back and years later I still occasionally get mail in the “wrong” name but mostly it was a smooth transition and I’m very glad I did it.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Change your name back to your maiden name. Communicate this info to all in your professional list and through Human Resources at your place of employment. it might be a bothersome task to do it, but in the end you'll be glad. Why would you want to be attached by last name to someone that is nothing to you anymore? 
I've been married twice, both instances I told the wife to keep their last name, that they were not related to me by blood to carry my last name nor they were my possession.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

I'd change it back, it is no longer your identity. There was a woman at work who was single (Last name #1), then married (Last name #2), then divorced (last name #1 round #2), and then remarried (last name #3).

There was about 5 minutes of discussion about all the name changes when name #3 occurred and then it was over.... I wouldn't worry about it. People get it. You aren't the first to go through this.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

I guess the issue I'm feeling is that I then feel like I'm publicly announcing my business. And that's my business and no-one else's. The industry I work in is quite incestuous, so this also means updating and almost explaining on LinkedIn. I'm also a company director so it means changing legal paperwork also. Seems like a faff for something I don't have a negative attachment to?



re16 said:


> I'd change it back, it is no longer your identity.


I'm not sure I agree with that sentence. Why is it not my identity? I am a person that happens to have X name.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MarmiteC said:


> I guess the issue I'm feeling is that I then feel like I'm publicly announcing my business. And that's my business and no-one else's. The industry I work in is quite incestuous, so this also means updating and almost explaining on LinkedIn. I'm also a company director so it means changing legal paperwork also. Seems like a faff for something I don't have a negative attachment to?
> 
> 
> 
> I'm not sure I agree with that sentence. Why is it not my identity? I am a person that happens to have X name.


If you dont want to change it then please don't. It's your choice.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> If you dont want to change it then please don't. It's your choice.


Thanks Diana. I guess I don't need to do anything now anyway. I've a couple of trips coming up so when I don't need my passport in the new year I can reconsider then if that's what I choose.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MarmiteC said:


> Thanks Diana. I guess I don't need to do anything now anyway. I've a couple of trips coming up so when I don't need my passport in the new year I can reconsider then if that's what I choose.


I guess for me we were separated for about 2 1/2 years before we actually get divorced and by then it seemed pointless to change. 3 years after that I married again so took my husband's name.
As you say, why do you have to let everyone know you are divorced? Men don't need to do that do they and the people close to you who matter will know anyway.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

MarmiteC said:


> The industry I work in is quite incestuous, so this also means updating and almost explaining on LinkedIn.


Every industry is incestuous to come extent. 

Don't explain anything. Just change your name. People aren't stupid. They will realize you got married or divorced. Either way, they will figure it out.


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