# My Hubby is a Buzzkill



## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

H and I have a pretty good sex life; This post is more about after sex.

I hardly drink, and I've never smoked anything, so pretty much the only high I ever get is from sex. It can last about 2hr, depending on how intense we were.

My trouble is that soon after (daytime) sex, when I have a tendency to be unfocused and dreamy, H often likes to engage in serious conversation, talk about sensitive issues, or discuss finances even though I'm not exactly in the best state of mind for it. As a result, some of our worst fights are after some of the best sex. (They are also usually when we haven't eaten)

Like today, we had a great go of it. Then, I drove H to work before running errands. I'm on cloud 9. When driving, he criticizes the lane that I pick to be in ("Its not you, its the other drivers") Then he starts asking me about my current mindset about jobs and how we're going to have enough money come June (I've been trying to switch careers, and I'm also the primary earner) But I am unable to participate appropriately in this conversation, I mostly nod, because I am 1-still on my sex high and 2-trying to drive (Also, neither of us has had more than coffee and its already past lunchtime) So, we don't actually argue, but he leaves the car somewhat frustrated because I'm "acting weird" again.

Does anybody else experience this? Any advice? I don't know if/how to explain this to H. I don't ever want to make him feel like he shouldn't communicate with me, but his timing is terrible, I almost have started thinking about devising ways to avoid him afterwards, but that doesn't seem helpful either.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Hmmm, interesting.

Some of the worst fights we've ever had have come immediately after great sex. It always confuses me. I'm happy, I like chatting afterwards. My wife is very irritable after great sex.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I am like your husband. After great sex, my brain is fully engaged and firing on all cylinders! It's the time when an even deeper connection can be made intellectually. My husband, luckily is the same so we connect damn well after great sex.

Perhaps you should just explain how you feel after sex and what you need after sex.


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Yes I am also one of those who are more awake and energized after sex, but my wife is not and will often sleep just a bit when we have sex in the mornings. She is also not a morning person in general and does not like to have any lengthy discussions then.

I think you should just explain this to him. No hubby in his right mind would want to be a buzzkill regarding sex. Give him a 2 hour rule.


----------



## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Just tell him for crissakes. Jeepers. 

"The reason I act "weird" when your mind and mouth are racing after we have glorious sex is I am on a sex high trying to soak up the moment and you are on a different kind of high hammering me with your mind race thoughts and ponding me with questions that my mind is not prepared to answer as it is tied up. 

If he is unable to comprehend this then write it down and hand it to him with a title. How to cut the number of fights we have in half and have a hotter happier more sexually satisfied wife. 

If that doesn't work, then gets some earplugs or earphones and ignore him until your high is over


----------



## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

No advice here either, but more commiseration: My SO is kind of a buzzkill, too. I can't say we fight more after great sex, because he isn't critical of me and doesn't chat much, but I guess my buzz lasts a whole lot longer than his. Ten minutes after sex, he'll be back in the same 'blah' mood he was in before we had sex, while I'm feeling amazing, and I tend to take it personally when I probably shouldn't. 

It just makes me feel very insecure because he doesn't seem satisfied for long. If I talk to him about it, he always assures me that it isn't me and that he thinks we have a great sex life, but it still makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong and has led to rejecting him a time or two because it doesn't seem like there's a point.


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I may be wide awake but I get a buzz also and find it lasts at least for the rest of the day unless something happens to disrupt it.

Because we usually have sex around noon and still by bedtime I like to have contact with her whereas on days without sex I do not think that I seek that contact as much (naturally) -I have to put some thought into doing it keep contact with her so that she will feel loved/wanted every day.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It sounds like your husband feels emotionally intimate after sex and it makes him "want to talk". He just doesn't realize that you "want to chill". Two different styles, no one is right...just work with it.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

we're both the "goofy smiles and incoherent happy mumbles" kind of people after sex. 

Maybe just ask for a little time out after sex to let all the blood get back to your brain?


----------



## mxpx4182 (Jan 7, 2014)

Have you talked to him about how you feel afterward? He may take it as a compliment.


----------



## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

I like to talk too. Brain is working overtime. Senses are very alert. Unless its late at night...then its just cuddle and sleep

Not about finances or jobs or politics. I like to discuss what we just did. What worked, what didn't. How this or that felt. What can we do next time that would be fun.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Trying to remember what I'm like after sex 

I am very much the talker after sex. I am seriously the energizer bunny.


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Maybe we are both buzzkills according to the OP description, but we are on the same wavelength. 

Pretty typical, right after sex we will snuggle up against each other and the conversation automatically goes to heavy discussions about our boys. They mainly are about our oldest ASD child. It has never bothered me if she starts and I don't think it is a problem if I start the conversation. These discussions rarely end up in fights.


----------



## unheld (Sep 20, 2013)

I;m kind of surprised that so many people have found patterns or trends in the aftermath.

For us, it runs that gamut.... sometimes we lay there and talk about stuff; sometimes we lay there and talk about important (politics,finances) stuff, sometimes we lay there and talk about silly stuff, sometimes we just lay there and doze off for a short nap, sometimes we get up and do our own separate thing, sometimes we get up and go for a swim or a drive, sometimes we get up and go watch a movie.....

Never really noticed a routine before. Maybe I should pay more attention.... nah. It's good now......


----------



## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

not to kid around about it, but you might like this song then haha

Luke Bryan - Buzzkill - YouTube


----------



## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

I like to talk a after about anything. It's relaxing and great to communicate in the relationship. 
As long as I'm getting laid I'm good. She's more open to walking around nude too which is erotic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

I'm on a definite high after sex - energized,happy, content, satisfied and if we didn't have children I'd be beating my chest and yelling 

Also I'm more touchy, feely whereas my husband will just go straight downstairs and watch tv or have a coffee.

We do tend to have some fights regarding sex but it's always to do with me wanting more sex from him. Especially when I'm super horny.


----------

