# $1 Flashlight argument



## Baffled-by-Babe (May 2, 2021)

Years ago, my wife and I were in a $1 store and I picked up a flashlight. She said, "why are you getting that?" me: Because I want it. she: "You already have at least one or two at home, why do you need another one?" me: I just want it. We argued for a few minutes until I put it back.

Over the next week or two I wished I'd bought it (1 in the car, one in her car, one in this and that room). So next time we went to the store I picked it up and she said, "are you going to buy that?" me: Yes. "I thought we already talked about it!" me: "Yes, then when we got home i wished i'd bought it." More argument but I bought it anyway.


Years later, we have almost the identical argument over a few $1 shower curtains I was buying. What is going through a woman's mind about something like this that she feels she must argue with me over a $1 item? (or $5 with five, $1 shower curtains?)


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

I agree w/ you, unless you are a hoarder.

There can be constructive conversations about "Don't you like our present shower curtains?" but it seems ridiculous to get heated over such a paltry expenditure. 

I could guess as to why she chose to argue about it, but you should just say something like "It's worth it to me, and we can afford it. Why does it matter to you so much?"


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

I'd buy 20 just to prove a point. It's the effing dollar store!!!!! As SpinyNorman said above, unless you're a hoarder I don't see the issue. I have a feeling there's other underlying issues here. Why is she treating you like a small child who needs mommy's approval for a toy?


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

There's a saying in the prepping world......."two is one, and one is none."

If you have just one of something, and it breaks, is lost or stolen, then you are without. 

Of course, there is an upper limit to some items (guns, knives, ammo, etc. not included).


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

OnTheFly said:


> There's a saying in the prepping world......."two is one, and one is none."
> 
> If you have just one of something, and it breaks, is lost or stolen, then you are without.
> 
> Of course, there is an upper limit to some items (guns, knives, ammo, etc. not included).


So having one spouse is the same as being single?


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Wife and I have a category in our monthly budget called, "blow money." We each get an equal amount and it is ours to do with as we please. If we want to set fire to it, the other has no say about it. Saves us from having useless arguments like this.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

You can never have enough flashlights...And the older you get the more this applies ...😂

Anyway, here is the thing (in my experience, not everyone is on the same page)....

I wouldn't get into relationships so that someone can control what I spend.. I've never been with anyone that makes close to what I can and have, and I have always been a sharp money person, so tough titties..In fact, on several occasions, had I listened to others when I wanted to invest, buy, whatever, it would have backfired and thank God I did my way...Particularly petty shyt like this...I don't ask for permission to spend like a lot of guys do, either....I wouldn't be able to live with someone that was that controlling....What's the point of that? Go out and break your ass every day so that some woman can b!tch about a dollar store flashlight?? Think about that for a minute and let that sink in...FOH with that....

Of course, your mileage may vary, and I get that there is middle ground between someone like me, and the guy who get's an "allowance" from his wife every week from his own effing paycheck(🙄)....Maybe you should have bought an additional flashlight for every time she said something about it....


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

My first hope would be that she realize a dollar is a ridiculous thing to argue about, and if she does, don't rub her nose in it. Be gracious when someone admits a mistake.

Failing that, I'd point out I didn't need Mommy's permission to spend a whole dollar when I was 12 and sure as hell wasn't about to start asking for it now. Then I'd buy two.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Y’all missed the point. It’s just a $hit test. Putting the flashlight back is a fail. Getting the flashlight and then giving her a good reason why you got the flashlight then walking up to her and grabbing a hand full of her butt is a win.
It’s not actually about the flashlight.....or the curtains....


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## Baffled-by-Babe (May 2, 2021)

SpinyNorman said:


> I agree w/ you, unless you are a hoarder.
> 
> There can be constructive conversations about "Don't you like our present shower curtains?" but it seems ridiculous to get heated over such a paltry expenditure.
> 
> I could guess as to why she chose to argue about it, but you should just say something like "It's worth it to me, and we can afford it. Why does it matter to you so much?"


The first time I was so confused, I didn't know what to say. The 2nd time (flashlight) I realized she wasn't having an "off" day the 1st time.

The shower curtains (and many other arguments between those years) confirmed my belief she wants to be in control, but I'm still puzzled if that is the root of it all.


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## Baffled-by-Babe (May 2, 2021)

Al_Bundy said:


> I'd buy 20 just to prove a point. It's the effing dollar store!!!!! As SpinyNorman said above, unless you're a hoarder I don't see the issue. I have a feeling there's other underlying issues here. Why is she treating you like a small child who needs mommy's approval for a toy?


That is what I haven't figured out after 12 years! We still argue about low cost items (she use to get on my case about not turning out the lights .... which she forgets all the time too!)


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## Baffled-by-Babe (May 2, 2021)

Diceplayer said:


> Wife and I have a category in our monthly budget called, "blow money." We each get an equal amount and it is ours to do with as we please. If we want to set fire to it, the other has no say about it. Saves us from having useless arguments like this.


Great idea!


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## Baffled-by-Babe (May 2, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> You can never have enough flashlights...And the older you get the more this applies ...😂
> 
> Anyway, here is the thing (in my experience, not everyone is on the same page)....
> 
> ...


I prefer to keep the peace but that hasn't worked out either. I get grief over other things. We have young kids so trying to get along.

Curious, if it is a short answer, what have you done as a smart money person? Entrepreneur, investor, both?


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## Baffled-by-Babe (May 2, 2021)

SpinyNorman said:


> My first hope would be that she realize a dollar is a ridiculous thing to argue about, and if she does, don't rub her nose in it. Be gracious when someone admits a mistake.
> 
> Failing that, I'd point out I didn't need Mommy's permission to spend a whole dollar when I was 12 and sure as hell wasn't about to start asking for it now. Then I'd buy two.


Yup, I think most guys would. I wonder sometimes if that is when/where I messed up.


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## Baffled-by-Babe (May 2, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Y’all missed the point. It’s just a $hit test. Putting the flashlight back is a fail. Getting the flashlight and then giving her a good reason why you got the flashlight then walking up to her and grabbing a hand full of her butt is a win.
> It’s not actually about the flashlight.....or the curtains....


I think you may be on to something, but in her case, I don't think grabbing her butt would be the answer. But yeah, it couldn't be just the flashlight, something in the deep recesses of her brain trigger it. Who in their right mind would tell their spouse (especially a man who generally is considered the head of the household), to put back a $1 item? And then to get into a heated argument over it!!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Baffled-by-Babe said:


> I think you may be on to something, but in her case, I don't think grabbing her butt would be the answer. But yeah, it couldn't be just the flashlight, something in the deep recesses of her brain trigger it. Who in their right mind would tell their spouse (especially a man who generally is considered the head of the household), to put back a $1 item? And then to get into a heated argument over it!!


Now your catching on. Never react to the words that come out a woman’s mouth. The key is to understand WHY those words are coming out her mouth.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Baffled-by-Babe said:


> Great idea!


You might want to learn about Dave Ramsey's methods for financial independence. Money is the number one cause of divorce in the US. 

daveramesy.com -&nbspdaveramesy Resources and Information. 

There's a lot of free information there including links to his podcasts. (If you decide to listen, don't waste your time with his guests, like his daughter. They're just cashing in on his popularity. Dave's advice is what you want to follow.)


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Baffled-by-Babe said:


> I think you may be on to something, but in her case, I don't think grabbing her butt would be the answer. But yeah, it couldn't be just the flashlight, something in the deep recesses of her brain trigger it. Who in their right mind would tell their spouse (especially a man who generally is considered the head of the household), to put back a $1 item? And then to get into a heated argument over it!!


And yet you complied (the first time).

Married is correct, it is a test of your leadership/balance of power in the relationship, possibly subconscious. She may not be fully aware of what she’s doing or why.

And why would grabbing her butt be a problem in her case?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The point really being, is if one is buying a flashlight and wants to be realistic having faith it will work when needed;

spend more than a dollar and get a good one.

Obviously ignoring any grief about buying the durn thing.

Grabbing her butt is just good advice, no reason needed. I forget who suggested that.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Baffled-by-Babe said:


> I think you may be on to something, but in her case, I don't think grabbing her butt would be the answer. But yeah, it couldn't be just the flashlight, something in the deep recesses of her brain trigger it. *Who in their right mind would tell their spouse (especially a man who generally is considered the head of the household), to put back a $1 item?* And then to get into a heated argument over it!!


The spouse who has done the same in the past and it's worked. I'm guessing it wasn't the first time you acquiesced to her whims and she saw that and went with it. You've trained her to be able to do this to you. 

Oh, and peacekeeping. That doesn't work. Never will. The peace will always break over something. It's a fool's errand to try and keep the peace. Knock that off.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

🙄🙄 is there no concern that one would buy a one dollar flashlight expecting it to work when needed?🤣🤣🤣


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## Baffled-by-Babe (May 2, 2021)

hubbyintrubby said:


> The spouse who has done the same in the past and it's worked. I'm guessing it wasn't the first time you acquiesced to her whims and she saw that and went with it. You've trained her to be able to do this to you.
> 
> Oh, and peacekeeping. That doesn't work. Never will. The peace will always break over something. It's a fool's errand to try and keep the peace. Knock that off.


Trained her that way ..... You are right. Trying to keep the peace and not making a big deal out of it was a mistake. I guess some people must be confronted when they cross a line and I didn't do that with her because I've never been with a woman who talked to me that way. Prior to marriage I was in maybe 3-4 long term relationships (about 2 yrs each) and nothing even close to "the flashlight" ever happened. But then again, some people are different after saying "I do."

Peacekeeping ... I guess I have to agree on this too. But once again, most other relationships were peaceful, or at least we respected each others opinions and desires. One woman was a battle at times, but at least two women were mutually agreeable when we disagreed. But yeah, I can now recognize I'd be a fool to try and keep the peace when it hasn't worked over the past 12 years. DUH. Sometimes it takes a stranger with insight to shed some light. Thanks


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Baffled-by-Babe said:


> Trained her that way ..... You are right. Trying to keep the peace and not making a big deal out of it was a mistake. I guess some people must be confronted when they cross a line and I didn't do that with her because I've never been with a woman who talked to me that way. Prior to marriage I was in maybe 3-4 long term relationships (about 2 yrs each) and nothing even close to "the flashlight" ever happened. But then again, some people are different after saying "I do."
> 
> Peacekeeping ... I guess I have to agree on this too. But once again, most other relationships were peaceful, or at least we respected each others opinions and desires. One woman was a battle at times, but at least two women were mutually agreeable when we disagreed. But yeah, I can now recognize I'd be a fool to try and keep the peace when it hasn't worked over the past 12 years. DUH. Sometimes it takes a stranger with insight to shed some light. Thanks


You're welcome, absolutely. Don't worry...I know these things for a reason. It's a hard thing to shake, but you'll be a better, stronger man for it.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> 🙄🙄 is there no concern that one would buy a one dollar flashlight expecting it to work when needed?🤣🤣🤣


A very important point if we are moving on from relationship dynamics to functional effectiveness in the world...

Never trust a cheap flashlight for your emergency kit. Don’t buy dollar flashlights except for the kids to play with. And when your company gives you the car kit for a company Christmas gift, leave the jumper cables, flares and flat fix but ditch the cheap flashlight and add a good one.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

My parents are the same way. My dad buys so much crap he doesn’t need because it’s on sale , or it’s cheap. My dad cannot not spend money. 

Stop buying stuff. The end.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Everyone is different. I strive to live a simple life. I would rather have fewer quality things then a bunch of junk. My dad loves junk.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

W


Baffled-by-Babe said:


> Years ago, my wife and I were in a $1 store and I picked up a flashlight. She said, "why are you getting that?" me: Because I want it. she: "You already have at least one or two at home, why do you need another one?" me: I just want it. We argued for a few minutes until I put it back.
> 
> Over the next week or two I wished I'd bought it (1 in the car, one in her car, one in this and that room). So next time we went to the store I picked it up and she said, "are you going to buy that?" me: Yes. "I thought we already talked about it!" me: "Yes, then when we got home i wished i'd bought it." More argument but I bought it anyway.
> 
> ...


Where did you find $1 shower curtains?!!!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Flashlights...ehh...i go for better aluminum body LED ones. Pocket knives...yes i have cheap ones i carry at work so if i loose it..no big deal. I have half dozen more just like it. 

Arguing over money...bahaha. Once my mom griped about buying another gun...dont you have enough?! I told her i will quit buying guns when the value of my guns equal the value of all her diamond rings. That pissed her off !!!
P.S. I lost all my guns in a bad boating accident.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> P.S. I lost all my guns in a bad boating accident.


Were you drug running between Miami and Havana?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Al_Bundy said:


> Were you drug running between Miami and Havana?


Ohh Al !!! Never been to Fla. Just a country boy that grew up south of Reba and east of Blake. Want to when i retire next year. My wife went to Pensacola on a medical seminar before we got married and said the water and beaches are awesome. Only thing in Cuba that interests me is some classic cars. In the mean time....Say hello to my little friend!!!!!(in my best Al Pachino voice)


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Al_Bundy said:


> Were you drug running between Miami and Havana?


Ha!

I'm sure he'll say he's never been to Florida. 
😉😉.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Ha!
> 
> I'm sure he'll say he's never been to Florida.
> 😉😉.


From home here in Indian Territory ive been to Mexico, NM, Minn., La., Kentucky. That is it. Will not get on a jet, they will not let me carry my duty weapon aboard, I'm not flying. So im a luttle limited on range.


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## Baffled-by-Babe (May 2, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> W
> 
> 
> Where did you find $1 shower curtains?!!!


The Dollar store!


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## Baffled-by-Babe (May 2, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> 🙄🙄 is there no concern that one would buy a one dollar flashlight expecting it to work when needed?🤣🤣🤣


Odd that several have posted about the $1 flashlight not working which really has nothing to do with the post but I'll reply since its come up again. Every time I reach for it, the flashlight works brilliantly. So what if it doesn't work 2, 5, 10 years from now. I have several more, all bought for $1.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Baffled-by-Babe said:


> The Dollar store!


Go with the $15 water proof fabric ones you can wash.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

you need to go buy one of those high lumen tactical flashlights, for $75, and proudly use your new possession!


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## TiaMathews (4 mo ago)

Nice story. I'll tell you how I chose a flashlight. The choice was long and difficult.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Welcome to TAM. The new member forum is very helpful, would be a good place for a first post.

This is pretty much a zombie thread.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Zombie cat says: "stupid bright light!" And has decided to close the thread.


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