# wow offered husband a BJ and he refused



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

It's that time of month so I offered my husband a bj and he refused it. Feel pretty rejected! Recently because I noticed him viewing porn I had a oprah "aha moment" in my life and decided life was to short not to have a great sex life with my husband. So I proceeded to start iniating sex quite frequently and at first he seemed into it maybe cause he felt guilty he was caught but lately I feel he has been backing off. In his defense we were doing it frequently but what guy turns down sex?something sparked in me that I feel I want sex frequently. I feel he was thrilled when I got my period and when I offered a bj he ignored me. Really insulted, took a lot for me to come out and offer. Never did this before. Wow didn't think any guy would refuse a bj, am I wrong???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## roymcavoy (Apr 15, 2011)

gmabcd said:


> Wow didn't think any guy would refuse a bj, am I wrong???


Impossible. Like the sun rising in the west.

Perhaps he didn't KNOW what you meant by "bj."


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Nope. But if you are willing to blow him, you should be equally willing to tell him exactly what you told us. Communication is everything!


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> Nope. But if you are willing to blow him, you should be equally willing to tell him exactly what you told us. Communication is everything!


not as easy to do when you feel hurt! I feel like screw him to reject me! But in his defense I have been desiring sex every day. Not normal for me but loving how I am feeling. But don't quite feel the same enthusiam. Which shocks me since I discovered him viewing porn
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Alright.... I just mean blowing him is (to me) a very intimate act. So is TALKING about sex. In the long run.... wouldn't it be better to KNOW? Otherwise it's all guess work, and here you are wondering what's up with him? Why not just say.... "Hey, I was feeling rejected when you turned me down, I didn't know guys would EVER turn down a bj." And go from there. I'd explain all you explained to us, that you've been purposely firing up the sex life...and find that you are enjoying it..... Really, this should open up a good conversation...and a healthy one.


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> Alright.... I just mean blowing him is (to me) a very intimate act. So is TALKING about sex. In the long run.... wouldn't it be better to KNOW? Otherwise it's all guess work, and here you are wondering what's up with him? Why not just say.... "Hey, I was feeling rejected when you turned me down, I didn't know guys would EVER turn down a bj." And go from there. I'd explain all you explained to us, that you've been purposely firing up the sex life...and find that you are enjoying it..... Really, this should open up a good conversation...and a healthy one.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

gmabcd said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have already recently spoke to him intimately about loving the fact that we have started to spice things up and that I am really into doing it frequently what do I have to do hit him over the head?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

gmabcd said:


> I have already recently spoke to him intimately about loving the fact that we have started to spice things up and that I am really into doing it frequently what do I have to do hit him over the head?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 when I have been approaching him he jokingly says ooh no not again. I need to sleep.always in a joking way but he really means it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Maybe. Soooooooooooo..... just ask in a friendly way "So what's up with not wanting a bj?" Ya know? If you want to know where his head is at about this.... then it's on you to ask him. Otherwise, let it go and wait and see how things play out.


----------



## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Some guys ask for more sex than they know what to do with. If you have recently started offering it, your H might be realizing that he doesnt want as much as he was originally asking for. Hope thats clear enough.

Other possiblities would be that he just finished masturbating secretly, and has no need for a bj.

We could take a walk down a dark road and consider the possibility of porn addiction. That would do it.

You make mention that he was thrilled you were on the rag. This would indicate a lack of sexual interest in you. Could be for any of the reasons mentioned above.

Can you provide more background info on your sex life (I feel like such a creep)... oh ****, I cant stop laughing now. I feel like a pervert for asking.

Pleae provide pertenent information regarding all issues about which you seek answers.


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> Some guys ask for more sex than they know what to do with. If you have recently started offering it, your H might be realizing that he d
> oesnt want as much as he was originally asking for. Hope thats clear enough.
> 
> Other possiblities would be that he just finished masturbating secretly, and has no need for a bj.
> ...


 sunny, right now I am to aupset to approach him in a friendly manner. He is sleeping on couch in den watching footballAn was in bed going to sleep and couldn't sleep so went in other room to watch end of gameAm should I be paranoid and think he is avoiding me? I am pmsing right now sooo I don't really know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Awwww.... if it were me, and I was PMSing.... I'd leave it alone for a few days!!! 

And I just want to add.... I was rejected.... over and over and over.... for 23 years. I KNOW it sucks. My ex talked all macho but it was once a week vanilla sex..... I got turned down so many times that I quit trying. In the end.... he said he was neglected. Geez, so many names come to mind. 

My new h and I talk about EVERYTHING. We have tons of sex... loud, messy, daily at least, and every which way.... and we talk about it. In depth.... if we can get this messy together, we can talk. Never thought I'd be this age, having this much FUN! ;p

Anyway... I get where you are coming from. Rejection sucks. I was just trying to think practical.... which didn't work for me either.


----------



## Brian. (Aug 5, 2011)

I don't see the big deal.

You offered him a favor. And he politely rejected it.


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> Awwww.... if it were me, and I was PMSing.... I'd leave it alone for a few days!!!
> 
> And I just want to add.... I was rejected.... over and over and over.... for 23 years. I KNOW it sucks. My ex talked all macho but it was once a week vanilla sex..... I got turned down so many times that I quit trying. In the end.... he said he was neglected. Geez, so many names come to mind.
> 
> ...


SunnyT, I let it go last night but was resentful this morning and happened to be watching the news with bill clinton being interviewed and sarcastically said now there is a men who wouldn't turn a bj down. And he said to me as if he had no clue why I was pissed oooh that's why you are annoyed, " I just don't want to be selfish" since it is that time of month he can't reciprocate. And maybe this is true?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Sorry, I would feel hurt too. I understand where you are coming from. 

Sexual rejection of any kind IS the worse rejection, as intimacy is the most vulnerable act God has given us. 

If It was ME, I would NEED to talk to him and get REAL personal about his materbating habits, I would want to know how important that was for him, if he found that more enjoyable than ME. And if so, I would likely be really pi**ed off AND HURT but da gone it , I would want to know if this was the root cause he was turning down my gift of pleasure. 

Me & mine do not masterbate at all, we only use each other, and we watch porn together sometimes. As the higher driven spouse, I would be LIVID if he wasted his releases on something else, and left me hanging. I don't think it is healthy for spouses to do that. Now if you wasn't wanting it, then he could wack it all day but since you are, no excuses, be with the wife! 

Then some men have a hard time if their wives do ALOT of initiating (they might like it once in a while, but feel it is their place to seduce & arouse), they feel pressured somehow, maybe your husband is this type of man - possible?


----------



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I have offered my hubby blow jobs, when I have my period and we do not have sex during that time. My husband has refused, because the BJ would make him want sex.


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> I have offered my hubby blow jobs, when I have my period and we do not have sex during that time. My husband has refused, because the BJ would make him want sex.


yes that is true. I think my husband would feel that way as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

How often is your husband viewing porn? Like SockPuppet mentioned, your husband could be satisfying himself with that and have none left over for you.

Another thing is that some men don't like to be pursued. They like to pursue. Is he like that? If you are the one putting on the heat in your relationship right now, you may want to pull back. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/21278-thermostat-ultimate-barometer-your-r.html

What is your relationship like in general, outside of the sexual arena?

God Bless.


----------



## qigong (Sep 2, 2011)

gma,

I feel for you! Continual rejection has become a part of my life and it sucks! Being a guy, it flabbergasts me to hear another guy turning down sex. I will admit that I prefer sex much over bj and look at bjs more as foreplay. 

I would suggest really getting to understand what fantasies he has and what really gets him going. Sex can be hard to talk about and is typically the most difficult subject for most couples. But, if you have a better understanding of what he wants and it jives with what you're comfortable doing. Sometimes guys can get tired of the same ol, same ol, and like the chase. Although at some point (sooner rather than later) he should also be trying to do things that you like too.

I think it's really hot when the lady I care about takes the initiative (even when I'm not in a sex deficit)

Personally (in my perfect world), it should be a trade off between doing fun things for each other to get each other in the mood and having a lot of fun with it (but I may live in a dream world on that one). 

Best of luck and I hope you can both have an open discussion about what you both want/need/enjoy. A couple of ****tails first may help to loosen things up and open that conversation.


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

was there any extended period of time prior to your new found enthusiasm for intimacy where you rejected him regularly?


----------



## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

Maybe because you are giving him blowjobs all the time, it has gotten old and thus he has gotten bored of it. Maybe you should try something different for a while and maybe he will want one after a while.


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

HelloooNurse said:


> Maybe because you are giving him blowjobs all the time, it has gotten old and thus he has gotten bored of it. Maybe you should try something different for a while and maybe he will want one after a while.


no not the case he does not get blow jobs all the time. Yes this is the first time I iniated it during that time of month. Soooo this is definetely something new
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## worldwide (Jul 14, 2011)

gmabcd said:


> no not the case he does not get blow jobs all the time. Yes this is the first time I iniated it during that time of month. Soooo this is definetely something new
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One of the things that turns men on about porn is the enthusiasm in which the actresses go about their task. If your offer was " it's that time of the month so I probably need to give him the obligatory BJ" then maybe he just wasn't into it.

Getting a BJ where the giver seems about as into it as doing the dishes can be a turn-off. 

Not looking for a lecture on the dangers of porn or the "no such thing as a bad BJ" comment. Just trying to offer another perspective.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Just an aside, but, some people don't have sex during their period?!

Is it cause its messy?:scratchhead:


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

worldwide said:


> One of the things that turns men on about porn is the enthusiasm in which the actresses go about their task. If your offer was " it's that time of the month so I probably need to give him the obligatory BJ" then maybe he just wasn't into it.
> 
> Getting a BJ where the giver seems about as into it as doing the dishes can be a turn-off.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

FirstYearDown said:


> I have offered my hubby blow jobs, when I have my period and we do not have sex during that time. My husband has refused, because the BJ would make him want sex.


Mine NEVER refuses BUT he has suggested waiting for me to be ABLE because he knows I love it when his desire is REALLY HIGH & electric, after waiting like 4 days, we feel this way. 

Plus he still struggles with feeling "selfish" If I am not getting "mine". Kinda sweet but also very silly. He at least knows NOW I LOVE LOVE LOVE to do them, so I just knock that thought right out and go for it anyway telling him I "selfishly" WANT him in that way !


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Mine NEVER refuses BUT he has suggested waiting for me to be ABLE because he knows I love it when his desire is REALLY HIGH & electric, after waiting like 4 days, we feel this way.
> 
> Plus he still struggles with feeling "selfish" If I am not getting "mine". Kinda sweet but also very silly. He at least knows NOW I LOVE LOVE LOVE to do them, so I just knock that thought right out and go for it anyway telling him I "selfishly" WANT him in that way !


god broke the mold making you!!!!!!:smthumbup:


----------



## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i was thinking...if you have decided to make a change in your mind set, and thoughts, and actions...dosent mean husband has changed as well.

sometimes as people, we dont always trust a sudden change in attitude, and still have old hurts and resentments from the past.

he could have been reflecting back on something in the past, and just didnt want to trust this new change at the moment.

dont give up. keep up with the change, if he didnt want hot chick action..oh well his loss. he will see your actions are proving to be true. it just takes time.

and my thought was, why did you ask...next time just jump on him and pull his thing out, doubtfull he would say no when its already out.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Dunno. Are you good at it? It's a serious question.


----------



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

chattycathy said:


> Just an aside, but, some people don't have sex during their period?!
> 
> Is it cause its messy?:scratchhead:


It's messy and gross for some people.

I don't like to see all of that blood during sex and my husband doesn't like blood on his member.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Dunno. Are you good at it? It's a serious question.


I was wondering this too.


----------



## rotor (Aug 28, 2010)

worldwide said:


> One of the things that turns men on about porn is the enthusiasm in which the actresses go about their task. If your offer was " it's that time of the month so I probably need to give him the obligatory BJ" then maybe he just wasn't into it.
> 
> Getting a BJ where the giver seems about as into it as doing the dishes can be a turn-off.
> 
> ...


I have turned down BJ's in the past for this exact same reason.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

FirstYearDown said:


> It's messy and gross for some people.
> 
> I don't like to see all of that blood during sex and my husband doesn't like blood on his member.


We just throw some towels down, then I WON'T let him look when we are done, I clean him all up, this is our way, he is fine with it. I was REALLY wanting it -even during those red days -when my drive increased , so we would still do it before it got too heavy & again before it completely ended with one BJ on those gusher days.


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

qigong said:


> gma,
> 
> I feel for you! Continual rejection has become a part of my life and it sucks! Being a guy, it flabbergasts me to hear another guy turning down sex. I will admit that I prefer sex much over bj and look at bjs more as foreplay.
> 
> ...


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

Initiating with my husband is a new thing. Never have been aggressive in past but at that point in my life where I want to enjoy a great sex life. Lately I want sex all the time (always on my brain) extremely unusual for me, not that I didnt enjoy sex with my hubby in past, it was always good. But if i will be rejected for certain new things I will stop initiating anything!!! When recently had sex like four or five days in a row by the 5th or 6th night he would jokingly say oh know not again. But this hurt my feeling because I was enjoying this long run for the first time in my life. But I think I will back off and wait for him to initiate for fear of rejection and feeling hurt. But with me the more I have sex the more I want it and when we take a break I dont desire it as much. and I dont want to stop this feeling I have been having!! I am scared it will go away. Out of sight out of mind ya know?


----------



## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

at that time of the month eww..it makes that sound..its just not...eww!

i like it better just before it starts, thats when i get cramps. it is very messy, and then you have to shower when you normally would just cuddle and sleep...if its winter, and you have already turned down the heat...who wants to run through the house wet and naked??

then jump out of the shower all wet..and it s freezing?!? its only a few days, i can wait. oral is fine by me until reg sex is back on.

taking charge is a huge turn on, for most guys. if you wanted to give him a bj, then just attack him. when hes laying down, start rubbing on him, then either unzip or untie or just pull it out through the little hole in the front.

once you start playing with mr. winky, then he will let you do what you want, just dont ask, and follow through.

after a rough patch, being a tease is cruel. and if you happen to mention, you would be a little more willing if mr. winky was cleaner, and clean underwear...well you would be more than willing.

just follow through. and talk about things, sex, and communicating before you even get to the bedroom is always a good idea.

talk about what you like, how you like to be touched. esp if you have had sex recently, then you have a recent point of reference.


----------



## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

It never dawned on me some woman didn't do it during their period.
Big deal on the blood. Its intimate having mentrual blood involved. lol
A towel under and its good to go. 

Bj. The only reason I can think a guy wouldn't want one is he just had an O a second ago or he is angry about something or cheating and feeling too guilty....and even then he would probably go for a bj


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

chattycathy said:


> It never dawned on me some woman didn't do it during their period.
> Big deal on the blood. Its intimate having mentrual blood involved. lol
> A towel under and its good to go.


Some women also don't feel well during that time.


----------



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

chattycathy said:


> It never dawned on me some woman didn't do it during their period.
> Big deal on the blood. Its intimate having mentrual blood involved. lol
> A towel under and its good to go.
> 
> Bj. The only reason I can think a guy wouldn't want one is he just had an O a second ago or he is angry about something or cheating and feeling too guilty....and even then he would probably go for a bj


Just because people do different things in bed, it doesn't mean that they are wrong. Blood may not be a "big deal" to you, but it is to others. 

Everybody is different.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

At this point, it wouldn't deter me if she was leaking radioactive death serum.


----------



## MakinOurWay (Jul 12, 2011)

You should ask him why he declined. I doubt he'd answer with the real reason, and I doubt he could even put into words the answer.

It may be many reasons. An issue of control? An issue of anticipation? Knee jerk defensiveness?
Men are capable of turning down blow jobs and sex - there is a little more to us than the endless pursuit of the next orgasm. However, the odds that a man is capable of turning down any variant of sex while he has an erection are somewhere around 0%. Perhaps next time you build up to the offer after telling him how you've spent all day in fits waiting for him to get home so you can get his gorgeous **** into your mouth and give it the attention it deserves, how you want to make it ejaculate all over your x, y, and z... and so forth. Be sure to employ the usual whispering and nibbling and kissing and fondling etc... I guarantee he'll get hard and from that point on if you can't close the deal, I can't help any more.

Full disclosure, my wife is terrible at giving head. She does it mechanically, without any verve or understanding why the "show" of it and (real or fake) enthusiasm for it is as important as the physical movements. But, I know she wants to please me and I want to encourage this behavior, so I concentrate hard on the most erotic fantasies I can summon and it always comes to a satisfying conclusion. Whereas other women could make me climax in spite of my attempts at delaying climax.


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Mine NEVER refuses BUT he has suggested waiting for me to be ABLE because he knows I love it when his desire is REALLY HIGH & electric, after waiting like 4 days, we feel this way.
> 
> Plus he still struggles with feeling "selfish" If I am not getting "mine". Kinda sweet but also very silly. He at least knows NOW I LOVE LOVE LOVE to do them, so I just knock that thought right out and go for it anyway telling him I "selfishly" WANT him in that way !


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Again I must be SA's husbands twin! I feel the same way when my W offers me a BJ while she is going to get nothing out of it. I feel like I'm being selfish. I told her no one time when she did that but never did again because I was afraid it would make her feel rejected. Sometimes being a nice guy puts you between a rock and a hard place. I still struggle with it and don't know how to stop it.


----------



## dearhusband (Aug 22, 2011)

This can go both ways. My wife was seeming frisky but I knew she wouldn't be up for the whole deal since she had to go study in a bit (she rarely is though...). I offered to go down on her(quick, no strings or other sex attached... by the way I am pretty skilled in that maneuver...). She said (cute puppy voice),"Awwe, that's sweet!" And got up from the bed to go do something in another room.

Bam.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

Married10+ said:


> Ugh... I can beat that! I tried to seduce my husband with a naked strip tease and he actually moved me to the side, as I was in his way while he was playing his "Playstation" Talk about rejection! I NEVER did that again! I would like to give you
> advice on this one, but truth is I need the advice myself!


Yes I know how you felt. I am done trying to iniate these things and sex as well. I thought my husband was into my new sex drive but he recently isn't iniating anything sooo am am done and will revert to how It ised to be. Sex every once in a while. Maybe once a week if lucky. I do feel anger and am done trying. And nobody better tell me to commincate my feelings. Have already done this. When my husband finally comes around I will tell him just go back to viewing porn not interested.I will just dry up. I could live without it!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Married10+ said:


> Ugh... I can beat that! I tried to seduce my husband with a naked strip tease and he actually moved me to the side, as I was in his way while he was playing his "Playstation" Talk about rejection! I NEVER did that again! I would like to give you advice on this one, but truth is I need the advice myself!


its all about timing. i dont know if i would have been able to resist a similar advance from my wife, but then again she would never perform such a manuveur.

i have been at home alone with my wife while the kids are in school, and i am working and she is doing her daily housework type stuff. i have made a move on her and she rejects it quickly. i soon realize that she is singularly focused on her tasks at hand and sex isnt in the cards. now it isnt like we have time other than that because we are either gone to kid stuff every night or more commonly, she does not like to be intimate while they are in the house. she will become snuggly and somewhat amorous after everything kinda relaxes late in the evening but she or I usually then fall asleep. ya see, timing is everything and we often dont do a good job at timing things.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> its all about timing. i dont know if i would have been able to resist a similar advance from my wife, but then again she would never perform such a manuveur.
> 
> i have been at home alone with my wife while the kids are in school, and i am working and she is doing her daily housework type stuff. i have made a move on her and she rejects it quickly. i soon realize that she is singularly focused on her tasks at hand and sex isnt in the cards. now it isnt like we have time other than that because we are either gone to kid stuff every night or more commonly, she does not like to be intimate while they are in the house. she will become snuggly and somewhat amorous after everything kinda relaxes late in the evening but she or I usually then fall asleep. ya see, timing is everything and we often dont do a good job at timing things.


Timing is indeed everything. 

It can be really difficult for the person focusing on something else to automagically be able to re-focus on to sex instantly.

It usually helps to be able to have some kind of 'run-up' to it first - flirting, bantering back and forth. That is what my H and I do.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

gmabcd said:


> Yes I know how you felt. I am done trying to iniate these things and sex as well. I thought my husband was into my new sex drive but he recently isn't iniating anything sooo am am done and will revert to how It ised to be. Sex every once in a while. Maybe once a week if lucky. I do feel anger and am done trying. And nobody better tell me to commincate my feelings. Have already done this. *When my husband finally comes around I will tell him just go back to viewing porn not interested.I will just dry up. I could live without it!!!*_Posted via Mobile Device_


Now, see, here - I'll just lay it on the line. This isn't the right kind of attitude to have if you want things to improve.

Let me ask you this - what is going on in your relationship or what has gone on in your relationship to get you to this point?

In many cases, a sexual impasse is often a result of other relationship issues. So, what's going on?

WHY does your husband prefer porn to you? Is it because he doesn't want to be bothered? He doesn't think your recent interest is sustainable because it hasn't been in the past? Doesn't see you changing as a permanent thing he can hang any hopes on? Is he just being selfish because he doesn't see the necessity of having to manage you too and it's much easier to just use the porn?

IF you want to have a fulfilling sexual relationship with your husband, you BOTH will need to be willing to work on it. Is he willing to work on your relationship in general? Have you two considered going to counseling together?

If he's unwilling to commit to improving your relationship, then don't go off moping. Look at improving yourself - exercise, get yourself some new duds, new haircut, work on your hobbies/friends. Decide what you want to do with your life and let him know what needs to be done by him if he wants to be in it. And yes, you will need to communicate those things to him.

Best wishes.


----------



## 20PlusYears (May 22, 2011)

Hi gmabcd,

I have to admit, that when I first read the title of your post, I really thought that my wife had finally gone through with her threat to post this question about me on this site. To my surprise, I now know that I'm not the only one that has rejected a bj.

I have to honestly tell you I believe your husband gave you your answer, because that is the exact...and I mean exact same answer that I truthfully gave my wife. It's not that we don't want the bj...it's that we feel that if we can't give back to our wife, then it would be selfish of us to receive.

I know most guys probably don't feel this way, however, some see sex, even oral, as something that should be mutually pleasurable. So you can cut him a little slack


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

20PlusYears said:


> Hi gmabcd,
> 
> I have to admit, that when I first read the title of your post, I really thought that my wife had finally gone through with her threat to post this question about me on this site. To my surprise, I now know that I'm not the only one that has rejected a bj.
> 
> ...


20 years plus, yes I do believe that is why my husband rejected it. I must admit that my husband is a very respectful man, but we are married 22 years and although I always enjoyed sex wit my husband I now desire to have an even better sex life. Wantit to be more frequent and have voiced this to my husband. He seemed into at first but then started saying he was tired at night, which he always is. So I feel he is not into my new desires to have sex more frequently. I already comminicated this to him but I will no longer iniate just for him to say he is tired. Or destracted by what is going on in his day. You thinl he would be thrilled by my increased desires but no. I feel like crying. But I also think maybe I should get real and realize life gets in the way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

gmabcd said:


> 20 years plus, yes I do believe that is why my husband rejected it. I must admit that my husband is a very respectful man, but we are married 22 years and although I always enjoyed sex wit my husband I now desire to have an even better sex life. Wantit to be more frequent and have voiced this to my husband. He seemed into at first but then started saying he was tired at night, which he always is. So I feel he is not into my new desires to have sex more frequently. I already comminicated this to him but I will no longer iniate just for him to say he is tired. Or destracted by what is going on in his day. You thinl he would be thrilled by my increased desires but no. I feel like crying. But I also think maybe I should get real and realize life gets in the way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you think he feels pressue to perform and is worried that he will not be able to?

Is he able to get and maintain erections when he feels the desire?

Has he had any kind of health check-up recently? Any reason to suspect that the tiredness may indeed be real and he could have a medical issue - low testosterone, low thyroid?

I know you mentioned that you've told him your feelings, has he been able to tell you his and what is going on with him?

I don't think you should give up. I know that it must hurt to have him rebuff you, but do some digging and see if you can figure out what might be the reason for his disinterest and low desire and see if it can't be resolved. Here's a list of causes that you can start with: Low Libido in Men: Causes and Remedies

Best wishes.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its a shame your H doesnt understand the responsiblity of being a husband that needs to met his W sexual needs.

Its a shame he doesn't understand that if he won't do his job then some one else will.

Not saying you would cheat, but if he only knew what I now know he would think twice about *not* stepping up to the plate.

I wish I had some better advice but until he walks in my shoes he may never understand the unhealthy behavior he has by not doing the work needed for a healthy marriage.

I pray that some how he sees the evil possiblity of having his wife step out with out actually going through what I went through and takes the nessary steps in meeting your needs.


----------



## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

gmabcd said:


> I just don't want to be selfish" since it is that time of month he can't reciprocate. And maybe this is true?


That could very well be it. Have you been aggravated at him in the past for "getting his" without you "getting yours"? Maybe he don't know how to adjust to you suddenly being more giving and not at all selfish in this area.


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Do you think he feels pressue to perform and is worried that he will not be able to?
> 
> Is he able to get and maintain erections when he feels the desire?
> 
> ...


enchantment, trusy me my husband has no problems sexually never ever has!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Stonewall said:


> Again I must be SA's husbands twin! I feel the same way when my W offers me a BJ while she is going to get nothing out of it. I feel like I'm being selfish. I told her no one time when she did that but never did again because I was afraid it would make her feel rejected. Sometimes being a nice guy puts you between a rock and a hard place. I still struggle with it and don't know how to stop it.


Well then you are 1 in a 1,000,000 Mr Stonewall, I know my husband is. Ya know, I really don't think it is all that destructive being one of those genuine NICER men, so long as you have a woman beside you who has dug deep to understanding her man, his motivations, sometimes calling him out. The more we learn, the more we love. I really wouldn't want to change these things.  

I am almost sure my husband is getting over or near over this "selfish thing" as I have went above & beyond in letting him know how utterly silly this is - time & time again, even :rofl: about it. I know he appreciates my humor in this, calms his overly giving mind. You nicer men are simply TOO MUCH sometimes! I tell him -him being this way , so gracious, so uttery worshipping, in turn makes ME feel like more of a NASTY mother in comparison - because when I want something, darn it, I want it !! I may feel a little selfish too -but I still can admit I want it and it will shake my world ! 

Try that attitude on your wife.... if she is like me, that may just turn up the heat a little more! We love to please too


----------



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

I would not read too much into it. I know my wife turns down oral 3 out of 4 times when I offer. I have also said no to a BJ a handful of times when either I was just very stressed out or very tired. Most of the time I oblige though 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nörttipoika (Mar 4, 2012)

Have you, guys and girls, ever even considered that maybe a guy just doesn't want to get BJs nor oral sex?

Maybe, for you, oral sex is the most fascinating thing in the world, but to someone else it could be the cruelest form of torture...

I have never given nor received oral sex and I don't need to give/receive oral sex in order to know that I don't like it. (I am a guy.)


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Check the date. 

This is a very old thread.

It's Zombiefied!!!


----------



## nörttipoika (Mar 4, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Check the date.
> 
> This is a very old thread.
> 
> It's Zombiefied!!!


Maybe someone still needs this discussion...


----------



## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Yeah,post might be zombiefid but still is interesting. Can only think of a few times I turned down BJ,tired couple of times,mad at her..a few,I hate the obligitory BJ,have even made her stop in the middle of one a few times but 99.5% of the time I want one bad,along with the whole package of couse but when Aunt Flow is in town she knows I need that release and is happy to give that to me.I also given her BJ's when I wasnt in the mood and I love taking care of her also.We like to make eachother happy and its great! Oh and a couple times after I "took care of myself" she knew it and was disppointed that she did'nt do that for me....Excellent woman : )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Yep my h is all or nothing too. He would feel guilty as well. Any kind of change is frequency is hard for people to deal with. Whether its more or less.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pana1089 (Feb 24, 2012)

If you are giving him a lot of sex I can understand it if he is looking for a break. I for one don't think it is unusual for a man to not want a BJ. I'll take IC any day of the week over a BJ. No comparison for me.


----------

