# Need a sex life diagnosis - I am kind of lost



## Johnathan673 (Jul 4, 2012)

Hello all,

This is my first post, a lot of lurking and reading. I have been trying to figure out where our sex life is at. At times I think it is one way based on some things I read, and other times I think it is somewhere else based on other posts. 

Background

We have been married now for 13 years. We have had our ups and downs. But we really do love each other and truly enjoy each others company.

My wife is truly my best friend and she says the same about me. We work out of the home and we really enjoy each others company.

I am not one to really hang out with the guys because I want to share experiences with my wife. She states the same. 

For the past 6 year we have had our teenagers still in the home. Add to that kids who moved back married and with kids. 

Needless to say, major **** blockers and mood killers. 

Over the years we seem to have gotten into the rut. Trying to get out of the rut with kids lurking is difficult to impossible. 

when our sex life was really hot, we would try a lot of things and one thing that was a real turn on is watching my wife masturbate. 

Over the years, this has become part of the rut. I still enjoy watching her. 

But the problem now is that it seems that I can perform oral on her without her getting in and taking over, nor fingering her.

We have now moved, the kids don't live with us and I am finding myself horny as all get go. All I think about now is sex.

Last night I was cuddling with her and that is all. I would put my hand on her rear here and there through the night and give a little rub and pat. 

This morning I was sleeping in and she was already up. She came into the room gave me a sweet morning kiss and asked her to come join me for some nice morning love making. 

I am doing the normal foreplay, fingering her to get her wet, and she then proceeds to do what she normally does and takes over. 

I told her " please let me do this" and she let out a little Psst sound like she was being impatient with me. Finally I gave in and told her to do it. 

Here is the issue, I miss pleasing my wife in these ways. I get pleasure giving her oral and massaging her and rubbing her to orgasm. But I don't get to do that anymore. 

I need help and trying to figure out what is going on. 

She loves the sex with me, once I have penetrated her. But it the ramping up to that moment that I miss. 

She also does not touch me much and I am the one having to always initiate sex. I don't mind, but it would be nice to sit back some times. 

I love my wife with all my heart and I know she loves me too. But I want to get out of these ruts and get to where I can enjoy pleasing her as well as she want to please me.

I have started the MAP and I am trying to lose weight. I do not have access to a gym where I live, but I do have weights and starting to also ride my Mtn bike to get into shape. 

I miss the wild hot sex we used to have and I miss pleasing my wife. 

WIVES - please give me your two cents as well. I need all the input I can get. 

ALSO, I know that she is not having an affair. I have checked phone, computer, etc. 

So based on all this, what do you think is going on and how can I remedy these things?

Thanks for the help!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Have you asked her? Chances are it feels better when she does it. Maybe she could give you some feedback to get you to do it how she likes it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lionlady (Sep 12, 2012)

Yeah. Ask her! It sounds like you have a good relationship. I know that as much as I like my husband touching me, it's easier for me to get myself off. So it could just be that.


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## Johnathan673 (Jul 4, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Have you asked her? Chances are it feels better when she does it. Maybe she could give you some feedback to get you to do it how she likes it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes I have asked her and she says she likes what I am doing or what I am doing is fine. Then she proceeds to take over.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

It sounds like you guys have a good relationship, so I wouldn't hesitate sitting down and talking it out.

EDIT: Boy, I type slow. lol


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Is she into BDSM? Maybe tie her hands up?


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## Johnathan673 (Jul 4, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Is she into BDSM? Maybe tie her hands up?


hmmmm... never tried that one. We will see.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Is she into BDSM? Maybe tie her hands up?


Thats always a good time.


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