# Husband doesn’t like me anymore



## Mitzzmae (4 mo ago)

Hello, I have just about given up hope in my marriage. I have been with my husband for almost ten years, married for only almost 5. In these last five years, my husband has become a stranger. He’s not the person I fell in love with.

My husband makes me feel like he doesn’t care about me every single day, in his actions and words. He never wants to spend time with me. EVER. I feel like a burden to him.
When I’m sad, when I’m having a hard time, when I need a friend, he’s never there for me. If I tell him my feelings, it’s “what do you want me to do about it?” In an angry tone. In a mean tone. In a ‘you’re annoying me right now so stop bothering me with your feelings’ tone.
I lost almost all hope when I told him “I’ve never felt so alone in my life and sometimes I just need someone to lean on” and he said “well I’m not that person to cry to so you’ll have to find someone else” 
He clearly doesn’t care about me at all and shows it every single day.
How am I supposed to stay in this marriage my whole life? At first it hurt deeply. Now I’ve come to expect it and tell myself “hang in there until we can get through this or I can get out”.
Deep down I love him. I just wish he would love me.
What is your advice for me? Is it impossible to come back from this?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Mitzzmae said:


> and he said “well I’m not that person to cry to so you’ll have to find someone else”


 it looks like your not the only one you know it has been going backwards with 5 years , so time to stop hurting your and each other


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## Mitzzmae (4 mo ago)

It’s not as easy as just leaving though, as there are two small children involved. I have a 7 year old and a 1 year old with him. Also, I am a stay at home mom. I currently am unemployed while taking care of my kids.


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## Mitzzmae (4 mo ago)

frenchpaddy said:


> it looks like your not the only one you know it has been going backwards with 5 years , so time to stop hurting your and each other


He hurts my feelings regularly. I regularly feel hurt by him. But like I mentioned above, I have two kids with him. One is a 1 year old. I am a stay at home mom. It would be very hard to leave right now. I keep telling myself to hang in there and hopefully I can build up my photography business enough to make money for myself but it’s just so hard.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Mitzzmae said:


> Hello, I have just about given up hope in my marriage. I have been with my husband for almost ten years, married for only almost 5. In these last five years, my husband has become a stranger. He’s not the person I fell in love with.
> 
> My husband makes me feel like he doesn’t care about me every single day, in his actions and words. He never wants to spend time with me. EVER. I feel like a burden to him.
> When I’m sad, when I’m having a hard time, when I need a friend, he’s never there for me. If I tell him my feelings, it’s “what do you want me to do about it?” In an angry tone. In a mean tone. In a ‘you’re annoying me right now so stop bothering me with your feelings’ tone.
> ...


How do you stay in a marriage like this? You don't. It's not a good environment for you or the kids. 

Get a real job, put the kid in daycare or work opposite shifts, save up, and leave. Unless you are a _very _good photographer, I wouldn’t count on that supporting you. The market is oversaturated. 

Or, accept that this is the way it is, rely on _female _friends, and stop thinking of him as a husband. He's just a paycheck at this point.


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## Mitzzmae (4 mo ago)

bobert said:


> How do you stay in a marriage like this? You don't. It's not a good environment for you or the kids.
> 
> Get a real job, put the kid in daycare or work opposite shifts, save up, and leave. Unless you are a _very _good photographer, I wouldn’t count on that supporting you. The market is oversaturated.
> 
> Or, accept that this is the way it is, rely on _female _friends, and stop thinking of him as a husband. He's just a paycheck at this point.


Thankfully because my husband just keeps to himself all day long and doesn’t really interact with me, my kids don’t see any arguing. I’m thankful for that. It’s a pretty calm household. But I do get what you’re saying. I know I deserve more, I know I shouldn’t have to live with this my whole life. I’m only 29. I just was so hoping that there was hope for us, like he would realize how he treats me and we could fix us. I do love him deep down and know he is struggling with depression. I just feel like there is no hope


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Mitzzmae said:


> Thankfully because my husband just keeps to himself all day long and doesn’t really interact with me, my kids don’t see any arguing. I’m thankful for that. It’s a pretty calm household. But I do get what you’re saying. I know I deserve more, I know I shouldn’t have to live with this my whole life. I’m only 29. I just was so hoping that there was hope for us, like he would realize how he treats me and we could fix us. I do love him deep down and know he is struggling with depression. I just feel like there is no hope


I’m sorry you’re going through this. It really doesn’t look like a good road ahead for you.

I agree with others that you should start protecting yourself and your kids. Start to detach from hubby and get yourself more independent and self-supporting. Consult with a lawyer about what divorce might look like for you and what sort of things you should do now to prepare for that day.

Would he consider marriage counseling? Would he consider it if the alternative was you leaving?

You say he has depression, is he being treated for that? It sounds a little like you have depression as well. Perhaps you should also talk to someone?

I wouldn’t give up hope on the marriage just yet. He has issues for sure but it may be a scenario where this is ”fixable”. But until you get yourself more independent, he can just refuse to work on it and it’s hard for you to do anything about it. At least if you have your own income then you have real alternatives should things go south.

Best of luck to you @Mitzzmae


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Mitzzmae said:


> He hurts my feelings regularly. I regularly feel hurt by him. But like I mentioned above, I have two kids with him. One is a 1 year old. I am a stay at home mom. It would be very hard to leave right now. I keep telling myself to hang in there and hopefully I can build up my photography business enough to make money for myself but it’s just so hard.


 with two children in hand and one only a year old You can not just pack up and get out , 
like your children you have to take baby steps , 
and your right you need a job or hopefully the photography gets more stable , 
it takes time to build up in the photo world , 
it might be worth looking at doing the two ,even if the job is only paying the child care you are building up


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

If only I had a dollar every time I heard from a woman whose husband treats her like crap but she doesn't work so what can she do I'd be rich.

You even knocked out a second kid with a guy who treats you like crap.

This actually reminds me a lot of kids father. I got the same attitude from him. I got a job, put my kids I'm daycare, and left him....kids were 5 and 2. They enjoyed day care because they got to play with lots of kids....younger son would get upset if I picked him up during play doh time.

Today they're 21 and 19 and doing great and i make 6 figures. They still live with me while they work and go to school.

Get a job. Now.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

He wasn't this way while you were dating and when you got married. What changed in the last 5 years? What changed in the last 21 months? You had another baby with him so things must have been good then. What's the background story?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

This is like a classic case for marriage counseling. At least give MC a try. If you can find a counselor who specialises in couples, this could well be fixable.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Diceplayer said:


> He wasn't this way while you were dating and when you got married. What changed in the last 5 years? What changed in the last 21 months? You had another baby with him so things must have been good then. What's the background story?


 it is not new for marriages to get worse when the children come along 
it is not helping to point the finger saying why did you have kids , when she explained things have been getting worse ,


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

frenchpaddy said:


> it is not new for marriages to get worse when the children come along


Like I said, it's absolutely classic.


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## BecauseSheWeeps (9 mo ago)

So I was suggested to read this book called 'The Empowered Wife' by an old Christian lady. And I did. And my household has changed. It gives a lot of good insight. We need to stop relying on our husbands to feed us spirtually, and emotionally and learn to feed ourselves and then everything else just somewhat falls in to place. Have him watch the kids when he gets home, and then start going for a jog. Work on yourself. Start feeling better about yourself. This has been my problem. I felt like crap, felt like my husband didn't want me. Was never smiling. He feeds off of that crap highly. I started working on myself, now I find reasons to smile every day, I smile at him every day and just tell him that I love him and give him a kiss without reason. I flirt with myself for him (I put his hand on my butt a few times out of the day and he laughs about it). I now find him smoking and drinking less (if you read through some of my old posts). Things are getting better. He called and asked if it was ok for the neighbor to hang out yesterday. In the past, he would have just invited him over. There are also empowered wives podcasts. Yes, it turns in to a pyramid scheme eventually but the info that they do give is very helpful.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Are you having sex with him? 

And if you decide to leave, he will be responsible for child support and most likely alimony. So I wouldn't let the lack of money cloud your judgement.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Tell us why you are staying? It was good in the beginning or you would not have married but it is not what it used to be. Are you hoping the man you once loved will give you the love and attention you desire? Let's be very real for a few minutes.....do you have a life of your own where you go out with lady friends, have a career, go to the gym or get in a walk by yourself or with a friend, do you go about your day with thoughts in mind that you need to accomplish for yourself OR are you waiting for your husband to do all these things with you? 

I have some lady friends who are very dependent on their husbands/ boyfriends for everything and these women are not happy. I see them strangling their partner, very needy. However, on the flip-side I have seen some very independent Christian woman make tons of excuses for their husband that treated them like dirt. 

Do you guys have a date night?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Something must have happened.


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## Mitzzmae (4 mo ago)

SCDad01 said:


> Are you having sex with him?
> 
> And if you decide to leave, he will be responsible for child support and most likely alimony. So I wouldn't let the lack of money cloud your judgement.


I was n


AVR1962 said:


> Tell us why you are staying? It was good in the beginning or you would not have married but it is not what it used to be. Are you hoping the man you once loved will give you the love and attention you desire? Let's be very real for a few minutes.....do you have a life of your own where you go out with lady friends, have a career, go to the gym or get in a walk by yourself or with a friend, do you go about your day with thoughts in mind that you need to accomplish for yourself OR are you waiting for your husband to do all these things with you?
> 
> I have some lady friends who are very dependent on their husbands/ boyfriends for everything and these women are not happy. I see them strangling their partner, very needy. However, on the flip-side I have seen some very independent Christian woman make tons of excuses for their husband that treated them like dirt.
> 
> Do you guys have a date night?


I totally get your point. I have so much of my own life, that my husband is not included in and doesn’t WANT to be included in. And that is the problem to me. He wants nothing to do with me. I spend all my time with my family because they genuinely want to see me and spend time with me. My husband doesn’t. My mom is my best friend. She comforts me and is my shoulder to cry on. My husband is happy that he doesn’t have to hear me “complain” about my feelings


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Mitzzmae said:


> I was n
> 
> I totally get your point. I have so much of my own life, that my husband is not included in and doesn’t WANT to be included in. And that is the problem to me. He wants nothing to do with me. I spend all my time with my family because they genuinely want to see me and spend time with me. My husband doesn’t. My mom is my best friend. She comforts me and is my shoulder to cry on. My husband is happy that he doesn’t have to hear me “complain” about my feelings


So the two of you are not spending much time together at all. Do you have any quality time together? Did he ask you to marry and what was going on at the time in his life that prompted the agreement to marry? Was he moving? Did you give him an ultimatum? Some times we marry for a reason and it works for a time but then is not long lasting. Some men will marry when they know they have a military assignment or they will marry because they have children and need someone to care for the children. So their needs at the time blurr the long term outcome.


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## Mitzzmae (4 mo ago)

SCDad01 said:


> Are you having sex with him?
> 
> And if you decide to leave, he will be responsible for child support and most likely alimony. So I wouldn't let the lack of money cloud your judgement.


After our first child 7 years ago, it naturally slowed down because I was post partum and healing. But still kept up our sex life enough. Until I tried for baby number two. I had a life threatening situation happen, I had an ectopic pregnancy. I almost died. It was really traumatic for me. I couldn’t have sex after that as much because I was healing from trauma. He didn’t understand and thought I should just get over it. But I lost my pregnancy and almost my life. It took me about a year to heal from the trauma. We eventually started having sex again more regularly. But we definitely had started drifting emotionally. He deals with depression, so he started wanting to be alone all the time. I told him how much I wanted to spend quality time with him and I needed that emotional connection to have that physical intimacy. I still tried to have sex as much as possible, 6 years later I got pregnant with my now 1 year old. But things got worse emotionally. He really started being mean to me. Not physically abusive in any way. But just hurtful. I try to have sex to hopefully improve our connection but the emotional connection is just non existent right now. It’s so hard. I need emotional connection to have a physical connection.


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## Mitzzmae (4 mo ago)

AVR1962 said:


> So the two of you are not spending much time together at all. Do you have any quality time together? Did he ask you to marry and what was going on at the time in his life that prompted the agreement to marry? Was he moving? Did you give him an ultimatum? Some times we marry for a reason and it works for a time but then is not long lasting. Some men will marry when they know they have a military assignment or they will marry because they have children and need someone to care for the children. So their needs at the time blurr the long term outcome.


No, no quality time. I wish we had more quality time. He just doesn’t want to. He prioritizes being with himself playing video games and watching movies alone over spending time with me. I know he uses those as an escape. But he just doesn’t want to spend time with me or my boys. We were a lot happier together when we got married. He spent quality time with me and my then only child. I just replied to another comment about my sex life and how I had something traumatic happen that effected our sex life for about a year.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Mitzzmae said:


> I was n
> 
> I totally get your point. I have so much of my own life, that my husband is not included in and doesn’t WANT to be included in. And that is the problem to me. He wants nothing to do with me. I spend all my time with my family because they genuinely want to see me and spend time with me. My husband doesn’t. My mom is my best friend. She comforts me and is my shoulder to cry on. My husband is happy that he doesn’t have to hear me “complain” about my feelings


As said before, it's time that you stop complaining. Get off the pity party and start taking steps to become independent of him in order to leave him. That's your only option. Just because you love him and would like him to acknowledge you doesn't mean that he will. Get ready, and then hit him hard by handing him divorce papers. If that doesn't shakes him, nothing will, and you got your answers.

In the meantime, if I were you, I would be looking into how to get a consultation with a divorce lawyer to find out your legal rights, and where you'd stand when divorce time comes. Remember, love got nothing to do in the equation with your situation at hand. Marriage is a lot more than just love.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Mitzzmae said:


> No, no quality time. I wish we had more quality time. He just doesn’t want to. He prioritizes being with himself playing video games and watching movies alone over spending time with me. I know he uses those as an escape. But he just doesn’t want to spend time with me or my boys. We were a lot happier together when we got married. He spent quality time with me and my then only child. I just replied to another comment about my sex life and how I had something traumatic happen that effected our sex life for about a year.


Would you both consider marriage counseling?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Mitzzmae said:


> After our first child 7 years ago, it naturally slowed down because I was post partum and healing. But still kept up our sex life enough. Until I tried for baby number two. I had a life threatening situation happen, I had an ectopic pregnancy. I almost died. It was really traumatic for me. I couldn’t have sex after that as much because I was healing from trauma. He didn’t understand and thought I should just get over it. But I lost my pregnancy and almost my life. It took me about a year to heal from the trauma. We eventually started having sex again more regularly. But we definitely had started drifting emotionally. He deals with depression, so he started wanting to be alone all the time. I told him how much I wanted to spend quality time with him and I needed that emotional connection to have that physical intimacy. I still tried to have sex as much as possible, 6 years later I got pregnant with my now 1 year old. But things got worse emotionally. He really started being mean to me. Not physically abusive in any way. But just hurtful. I try to have sex to hopefully improve our connection but the emotional connection is just non existent right now. It’s so hard. I need emotional connection to have a physical connection.


Ok, that's what happened...


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Mitzzmae said:


> Hello, I have just about given up hope in my marriage. I have been with my husband for almost ten years, married for only almost 5. In these last five years, my husband has become a stranger. He’s not the person I fell in love with.
> 
> My husband makes me feel like he doesn’t care about me every single day, in his actions and words. He never wants to spend time with me. EVER. I feel like a burden to him.
> When I’m sad, when I’m having a hard time, when I need a friend, he’s never there for me. If I tell him my feelings, it’s “what do you want me to do about it?” In an angry tone. In a mean tone. In a ‘you’re annoying me right now so stop bothering me with your feelings’ tone.
> ...


I don't know what you love about him, but I think you thought you knew him when you fell in love and you really didn't. This version is the real version, not the one at the beginning. The longer you know someone, the better you know them. 

He isn't who you hoped he was. He's just not. If you are able, I'd end it and move on.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

In Absentia said:


> Ok, that's what happened...


that. And he suffers from depression. Not a good recipe. As her husband ages, his depression will accentuate, making things worse. It's not easy. She should get out of the relationship in my opinion.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Does your husband drink or use drugs? Or is there any kind of addictive behavior?


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## Mitzzmae (4 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't know what you love about him, but I think you thought you knew him when you fell in love and you really didn't. This version is the real version, not the one at the beginning. The longer you know someone, the better you know them.
> 
> He isn't who you hoped he was. He's just not. If you are able, I'd end it and move on.


I do agree that I thought I knew him but I was young and in love when I met him, we had my first son pretty young. I was 22. I agree with you. I love him when he’s happy. But he is mean when he is depressed which is most of the time.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Mitzzmae said:


> I do agree that I thought I knew him but I was young and in love when I met him, we had my first son pretty young. I was 22. I agree with you. I love him when he’s happy. But he is mean when he is depressed which is most of the time.


Yeah. This is him. The whole package. There is a saying that you never really know someone until you've seen how they are when they're not getting their way. Don't cling to what you thought was the real him in the past. This is the real him, the one you have known for longer. He's a disappointment. I'm sorry. Your kid doesn't need to always be around a mean father, and eventually will be best if your son doesn't grow up thinking you can treat someone like crap and they will stay. Best for sons and daughters to see it's unacceptable and that there are consequences for such sorry behavior. So don't stay for them. He can still see them, and should, 50/50 so you can also have a career and some free time and the kids don't lose their dad, but eventually they'll make up their own minds anyway.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I agree with DownByTheRiver, the man you knew is gone. It sounds like he needs help and so do you to get the proper support you need at this point. If you both cannot agree to get individual counseling and marriage counseling it is best to move forward with a life for yourself and your children. Does your family support this? What is their advise?


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Mitzzmae said:


> After our first child 7 years ago, it naturally slowed down because I was post partum and healing. But still kept up our sex life enough. Until I tried for baby number two. I had a life threatening situation happen, I had an ectopic pregnancy. I almost died. It was really traumatic for me. I couldn’t have sex after that as much because I was healing from trauma. He didn’t understand and thought I should just get over it. But I lost my pregnancy and almost my life. It took me about a year to heal from the trauma. We eventually started having sex again more regularly. But we definitely had started drifting emotionally. He deals with depression, so he started wanting to be alone all the time. I told him how much I wanted to spend quality time with him and I needed that emotional connection to have that physical intimacy. I still tried to have sex as much as possible, 6 years later I got pregnant with my now 1 year old. But things got worse emotionally. He really started being mean to me. Not physically abusive in any way. But just hurtful. I try to have sex to hopefully improve our connection but the emotional connection is just non existent right now. It’s so hard. I need emotional connection to have a physical connection.


I'm so sorry to hear everything you've been through. I was asking about sex because if he's not giving what you need, I sure as heck wouldn't be giving him sex. But I understand using it as hope for an emotional connection. 

Like Laurentium said above....I would get to MC asap.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

@Mitzzmae, not sure if he berates you or anything, but sounds like he is in a bout of depression. Video games, watching movies by himself, etc.

Have you set time aside to sit him down and talk to him about this? If he is going through depression, and he hears how much you love him and your heart is breaking, maybe it's enough to snap him out of it...maybe go to counseling, whether it is individual for him, or marriage counseling for you both.

If you sit him down and pour your heart out and he responds with coldness or meanness, then I'd say it's time to start the process of parting ways. You sound like a very sweet person and he needs to understand what he has and that he is about ready to lose it.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I don't think it's too late. If he is depressed, he needs to overcome his depression first. Then we can work on the relationship.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Mitzzmae said:


> Hello, I have just about given up hope in my marriage. I have been with my husband for almost ten years, married for only almost 5. In these last five years, my husband has become a stranger. He’s not the person I fell in love with.
> 
> My husband makes me feel like he doesn’t care about me every single day, in his actions and words. He never wants to spend time with me. EVER. I feel like a burden to him.
> When I’m sad, when I’m having a hard time, when I need a friend, he’s never there for me. If I tell him my feelings, it’s “what do you want me to do about it?” In an angry tone. In a mean tone. In a ‘you’re annoying me right now so stop bothering me with your feelings’ tone.
> ...


Sounds like he's annoyed that you're standing in his way... of being with someone else. Is he cheating? That attitude sounds real familiar, I ended up finding out about my ex's affair and divorcing. 

Don't take mistreatment from anyone, it'll only get worse.


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## Mitzzmae (4 mo ago)

TXTrini said:


> Sounds like he's annoyed that you're standing in his way... of being with someone else. Is he cheating? That attitude sounds real familiar, I ended up finding out about my ex's affair and divorcing.
> 
> Don't take mistreatment from anyone, it'll only get worse.


I would be worried about that but have found 0 evidence. Plus, as a child, his mom abandoned him and his dad after cheating, and he has always said he could never ever cheat because of that. I do believe him and have no other reason to think he’s cheating


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## Mitzzmae (4 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> I don't think it's too late. If he is depressed, he needs to overcome his depression first. Then we can work on the relationship.


I just don’t know how to help him with his depression. I’ve always been there to be a listening ear when he needs to talk, I’ve always let him know I support him and am always there for him to talk. I try not to pressure him or force him in anyway. But things are just not getting better with his depression unfortunately


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Mitzzmae said:


> I would be worried about that but have found 0 evidence. Plus, as a child, his mom abandoned him and his dad after cheating, and he has always said he could never ever cheat because of that. I do believe him and have no other reason to think he’s cheating


I used to think that people were too fast to jump to conclusions about that until I got my dose. Looking back, the mistreatment got worse because I was suddenly an inconvenience.

At the very least, please try to get yourself financially capable, or you'll trap yourself into accepting worse over time. People don't suddenly turn on you and treat you like crap for no reason though, something has changed.


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## Mitzzmae (4 mo ago)

TXTrini said:


> I used to think that people were too fast to jump to conclusions about that until I got my dose. Looking back, the mistreatment got worse because I was suddenly an inconvenience.
> 
> At the very least, please try to get yourself financially capable, or you'll trap yourself into accepting worse over time. People don't suddenly turn on you and treat you like crap for no reason though, something has changed.





TXTrini said:


> I used to think that people were too fast to jump to conclusions about that until I got my dose. Looking back, the mistreatment got worse because I was suddenly an inconvenience.
> 
> At the very least, please try to get yourself financially capable, or you'll trap yourself into accepting worse over time. People don't suddenly turn on you and treat you like crap for no reason though, something has changed.


I do get that, I will try to keep an eye out for any suspicious activity. But I think that’s just not the case, I think he’s depressed and resents the life he has, being a dad at a young age and not following his life passions. 
I just opened my own private bank account a few months ago, and that has been huge for me. Having my very own money and a place only I can get it. I’m trying to set myself up for if I do decide to leave


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Mitzzmae said:


> I do get that, I will try to keep an eye out for any suspicious activity. But I think that’s just not the case, I think he’s depressed and resents the life he has, being a dad at a young age and not following his life passions.
> I just opened my own private bank account a few months ago, and that has been huge for me. Having my very own money and a place only I can get it. I’m trying to set myself up for if I do decide to leave


I hope so, it's always a shame when that happens, especially with kids involved.

Even if he's depressed, it's not your responsibility to fix him, he needs to do it. The bank account is a great first step, but please try to go about getting a job, even if it's part time. There are lots of work from home options thee days.


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

Besides what other posters have mentioned above about getting into marriage counseling, consulting with attorney to see where you stand and getting a job with a stable income (you can always pursue the photography business later when kids are older),
You need to realize that by staying the way things are, you are showing your children what a family looks like.
How things are between you & husband are not what anyone would wish for their children. Dad plays video games & watches tv and does nothing with mom or kids. Think about that.
You are not wrong for wanting to help him with his depression but as the saying goes - you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink it.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

I don't think it's hopeless like some posters here. He may love you but can't express it well. It's common for guys to be kinda clueless on the whole emotional aspect. I would try counseling first before going to a divorce lawyer. Maybe see if you can nudge him to see someone for the depression. Let him know the marriage hinges on these two conditions.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

frenchpaddy said:


> it is not new for marriages to get worse when the children come along
> it is not helping to point the finger saying why did you have kids , when she explained things have been getting worse ,


Wasn't pointing finger and didn't ask why she had kids. Go back and read the question without injection your own thoughts. Besides, I was not addressing you.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Diceplayer said:


> Wasn't pointing finger and didn't ask why she had kids. Go back and read the question without injection your own thoughts. Besides, I was not addressing you.


it must be only bad chance that 12 months + 9 makes 21 "What changed in the last 21 months"
i am so sorry


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Mitzzmae said:


> I just don’t know how to help him with his depression. I’ve always been there to be a listening ear when he needs to talk, I’ve always let him know I support him and am always there for him to talk. I try not to pressure him or force him in anyway. But things are just not getting better with his depression unfortunately


Maybe treating his depression and counselling should be a condition to avoid an impending separation. You clearly can’t live like this.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Mitzzmae said:


> It’s not as easy as just leaving though, as there are two small children involved. I have a 7 year old and a 1 year old with him. Also, I am a stay at home mom. I currently am unemployed while taking care of my kids.


Make a decision. He needs a come to Jesus moment. Go see a lawyer and see what your options are. It is possible he is engaged with a woman elsewhere or he is just a mean person. Was he always like this?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Mitzzmae said:


> I was n
> 
> I totally get your point. I have so much of my own life, that my husband is not included in and doesn’t WANT to be included in. And that is the problem to me. He wants nothing to do with me. I spend all my time with my family because they genuinely want to see me and spend time with me. My husband doesn’t. My mom is my best friend. She comforts me and is my shoulder to cry on. My husband is happy that he doesn’t have to hear me “complain” about my feelings


Maybe you haven’t left your mum yet and this has created resentment in your husband. Has your mum been heavily involved in your lives?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

This question may be painful and considered inconsiderate, but it's not intended that way. Have you gained a lot of weight since you got married?


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Mitzzmae said:


> It’s not as easy as just leaving though, as there are two small children involved. I have a 7 year old and a 1 year old with him. Also, I am a stay at home mom. I currently am unemployed while taking care of my kids.


Yep, this is exactly what happened in my first marriage.
I describe it as a severe case of domestic bliss.
My first wife and I married in the 1970s, we were both 21 years old at the time.
Although both employed we had little money and no assets.
First we lived with her parents that didn`t work too well, then after 3 months given a local authority home.
We were happy together at first until our child was born 2 years later and our second child was born 4 years later.
I was working all hours 6 to sometimes 7 days per week, my wife became a stay at home mum, no family support or baby sitting and money was tight.
I noticed the housework was not being done and we had many arguments not realising due to being young and lack of experience that my wife must have been depressed. I too was fed up with my lot, working and no fun. Also children can place a lot of strain on a marriage but it is possible to make children a joy and not a chore as I`ll explain further down. 
7 years after we married my wife dumped me for a lover. I ended up living in a one room bedsit. 8 years later her boyfriend dumped her and she asked me to marry her again, but it was too late, I`d already married another woman and had moved on.
To avoid your marriage taking the same path mine did, both of you need to try and break this mundane mode otherwise your marriage is destined to fail.
When I married again I was then financially better off, worked less hours and had a lot of experience that ensured I did not make the same mistake by taking my second wife for granted.
We had a daughter together and made her our world.
My now second wife and I had friends another married couple who had young twin boys the same age as our daughter.
We used to visit them at their house and vice versa. Every weekend we took our kids out together, to visit museums in London, the zoo, to parks and wildlife parks and much more and of course my wife and I also went out with our daughter as a family without friends.
We enjoyed ourselves by perceiving our outings through our children's eyes and today although our kids have now grown up it has left us with fond memories. the best time of our married lives. 
Convince your husband to go with you for marriage counseling, pay more attention to each other and enjoy your children.
Showing your husband this post my help.


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