# husbands sex life after prostate surgery



## Breeann

My husband had prostate surgery back in March and now he has no sexual feelings. Is this normal?


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## Breeann

is there anybody dealing with the same issues and if so can you please tell me how to deal with it! I have been so supportive, but it's starting to take it's toll on me bc I still have strong sexual feeling for him


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## Runs like Dog

No feeling? Numbness? No sex drive, ED? Prostate surgery can have that side effect. There's is a matrix of nerves underneath the prostate which can be damaged by surgical intervention. He should immediately return to his urologist for a follow up and recommendations.


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## Enchantment

Is there a reason why your husband isn't willing to still try and please you? There are lots of things that can be done that don't involve a penis - he still has his hands and mouth, yes? There are toys and other aids that could be used.

I think this kind of surgery and losing this aspect of yourself would be very daunting for a man, and he likely needs all of your love and compassion to help him get through it.


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## Breeann

Enchantment said:


> Is there a reason why your husband isn't willing to still try and please you? There are lots of things that can be done that don't involve a penis - he still has his hands and mouth, yes? There are toys and other aids that could be used.
> 
> I think this kind of surgery and losing this aspect of yourself would be very daunting for a man, and he likely needs all of your love and compassion to help him get through it.


He is willing to do anything I ask him to do. He feels like he has to give me intercourse which I tell him I don't need.I need his touch but at the same time I want him to feel the same way as I do and he doesn't. His sexual desire he says is gone! and before surgery he was very active and now it's really hard for him to adjust to his new life style. He has the pump and recently they gave him suppository, but he says it makes it burn. When he uses the pump the whole time he saying how sorry he is and I try to resuure him it's ok we will get through this.


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## Breeann

Runs like Dog said:


> No feeling? Numbness? No sex drive, ED? Prostate surgery can have that side effect. There's is a matrix of nerves underneath the prostate which can be damaged by surgical intervention. He should immediately return to his urologist for a follow up and recommendations.


The doctor was able to spare his nerves, but they say now he has low T and will not give him anything for it until it's been a year into surgery. He never misses his follow up appts. He's tried taking all the meds but they give him headaches.


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## Undertheradar

If it makes you feel better... I good friend had this surgery a few years ago. I recall him saying that he lost feeling, and couldn't do anything. After about a year or so, he was OK. I remember laughing with him, that his wife thinks he uses a pump, and it's hidden in his ass.
There's also the emotional aspect of what your husband went through. Anything that has to do with that area, could also play a psychological role in his ability to rise to the occasion. (no pun)


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## Breeann

Undertheradar said:


> If it makes you feel better... I good friend had this surgery a few years ago. I recall him saying that he lost feeling, and couldn't do anything. After about a year or so, he was OK. I remember laughing with him, that his wife thinks he uses a pump, and it's hidden in his ass.
> There's also the emotional aspect of what your husband went through. Anything that has to do with that area, could also play a psychological role in his ability to rise to the occasion. (no pun)


Well I know it's been only a few months and I have done so much homework on how long it could take and I see alot of men takes up to a year depending their age and other things. He's young so we are hoping for the best! And yes you are so right this has affected his ability being a man. I just wish their was something I could do to make him feel again. He never smiles anymore and he just recently got over back surgery and now this


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## Runs like Dog

Is there still a prostate? If so, and forgive me if this is indelicate but you could try direct prostate stimulation with an aneros (non vibrator) or an aneros vice (vibrator)


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## Entropy3000

Breeann said:


> The doctor was able to spare his nerves, but they say now he has low T and will not give him anything for it until it's been a year into surgery. He never misses his follow up appts. He's tried taking all the meds but they give him headaches.


Ok, so there is long term hope then. He can get testosterone after a year.

It is understandable this would be a huge deal for him. 

Good luck.


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## Undertheradar

Your husband's been through a lot.

Maybe drop the subject for a while, and let him just get past everything he's been through.
He may get the urge on his own, and then your problem will just go away.

Don't pressure him.


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## Breeann

Runs like Dog said:


> Is there still a prostate? If so, and forgive me if this is indelicate but you could try direct prostate stimulation with an aneros (non vibrator) or an aneros vice (vibrator)


Lol They removed the entire prostate, but good suggestion anyway


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## Runs like Dog

In other thread you noted he had the whole prostate removed. Scratch that last advice I gave you.


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## Breeann

Undertheradar said:


> Your husband's been through a lot.
> 
> Maybe drop the subject for a while, and let him just get past everything he's been through.
> He may get the urge on his own, and then your problem will just go away.
> 
> Don't pressure him.


Your right in the beginning I was pressuring him without me noticing it. He told me to be patient, so I have backed off. It's just hard for me to hide my emotions and when he ask I try and tell him something else but he knows he way to well.I'm the type of person I have to let it out and not hold back my feelings that's why I'm on here so I can tell how I feel. In the end he knows I'm there for him and will always do whatever I can to help him get thru this rough time


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## Enchantment

Breeann said:


> Your right in the beginning I was pressuring him without me noticing it. He told me to be patient, so I have backed off. It's just hard for me to hide my emotions and when he ask I try and tell him something else but he knows he way to well.I'm the type of person I have to let it out and not hold back my feelings that's why I'm on here so I can tell how I feel. In the end he knows I'm there for him and will always do whatever I can to help him get thru this rough time


Sounds like you are being an awesome wife. I don't know whether this even exists, but are there support groups for couples or a spouse who are in your circumstances? It seems like it might be helpful.


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## Breeann

Enchantment said:


> Sounds like you are being an awesome wife. I don't know whether this even exists, but are there support groups for couples or a spouse who are in your circumstances? It seems like it might be helpful.


Thanks  I have searched everywhere for support groups! My friends husband had this same surgery, which he's way older than mine, waiting for her to come back into town mayb she can give me some info on support groups. Matter of fact he found me crying yesterday and I told him I needed one and he said it might not hurt sweetheart for you to talk to others that are going thru the same as you. He apologizes over and over wishes he could take my pain away and I wish I could bring his feelings back!


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## Enchantment

Breeann said:


> Thanks  I have searched everywhere for support groups! My friends husband had this same surgery, which he's way older than mine, waiting for her to come back into town mayb she can give me some info on support groups. Matter of fact he found me crying yesterday and I told him I needed one and he said it might not hurt sweetheart for you to talk to others that are going thru the same as you. He apologizes over and over wishes he could take my pain away and I wish I could bring his feelings back!


Even a board like TAM, but geared toward prostate cancer survivors and their families? I'd keep searching - there has to be something out there! Did his doctor make any kind of recommendations?

Another thing would be to go through some counseling sessions, separately or together - to help work through the issues - it almost seems like you are going through the same kind of process you go through when you are working through grief.

I wish you all the best!


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## Breeann

I am going to call his doctor and see if they have any info for me. Mayb something at the hospitals idk. I am currently in counseling for depression and my husband told me to talk to him and which I have, but I need someone thats going thru it or has gone thru it.


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## sofie

Breeann,
I sent you a PM


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## BAJ

Here are some links for intimacy issues with PCa: PCAI Info Page and Living with Prostate Cancer


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## BAJ

There's also Us TOO International Prostate Cancer Education & Support Network


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## Breeann

BAJ said:


> Here are some links for intimacy issues with PCa: PCAI Info Page and Living with Prostate Cancer


Thanks for the info


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## ClipClop

Are you really ok with him long term if it never gets better? I really don't know if I would deal well in your situation. Best of luck with a very difficult situation that neither of you caused or asked for.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Breeann

ClipClop said:


> Are you really ok with him long term if it never gets better? I really don't know if I would deal well in your situation. Best of luck with a very difficult situation that neither of you caused or asked for.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I am with him til the end no matter what life throws at us. He is my soul mate I vowed for better or worse, yes right now is the worse, but I can say in the last weeks things are getting better for him and seeing alittle action. If you truely love someone then you can deal with anything. I didn't marry him for sex, yes it's nice to have, but I'm being very supportive and helping him cope as well as myself and you are so right this situation we are in was a mistake by the doctor's who diagnose him! I have a lot of anger building up!


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## SockPuppet

Breeann said:


> The doctor was able to spare his nerves, but they say now he has low T and will not give him anything for it until it's been a year into surgery. He never misses his follow up appts. He's tried taking all the meds but they give him headaches.


Horny Goat Weed and Tribulus Terrestris are natural products provem to naturally increase free form testosterone. At the local health food store bottles sell for about $20 and last a month. Just make to find out if these will negatively affet any other meds he is on, or if it might be an issue due to the recent surgery.

Heres to happy humping!


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## Atholk

Runs like Dog said:


> Is there still a prostate? If so, and forgive me if this is indelicate but you could try direct prostate stimulation with an aneros (non vibrator) or an aneros vice (vibrator)


That would be an incredibly bad idea.

Why would you shove anything against an area recovering from surgery?


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## Runs like Dog

I am assuming he's medically recovered.


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