# inappropriate wardrobe??



## jealoushubby (Oct 7, 2011)

My wife and I are in the middle of a huge argument bc of what she wore out last night. She is 33, in great shape and the mother of 3 kids. She went out with a bunch of her girlfriends to a fancy dinner and to have a gift exchange. No bars or clubs and I don't suspect her of cheating at all. But the outfit she wore was black leggings with knee high boots, and a really tight shirt dress that went down to about her upper thigh. It wasn't low cut and it wasn't showing any skin but the whole outift was really tight and I thought it was risque on the verge of ****ty. She ended up wearing a long sweater over it but now is resentful saying I'm not her wardrobe police and she's offended bc I said it kind of looked ****ty. Who was wrong here? Please he honest, I can accept it if I'm being overprotective.
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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

jealoushubby said:


> My wife and I are in the middle of a huge argument bc of what she wore out last night. She is 33, in great shape and the mother of 3 kids. She went out with a bunch of her girlfriends to a fancy dinner and to have a gift exchange. No bars or clubs and I don't suspect her of cheating at all. But the outfit she wore was black leggings with knee high boots, and a really tight shirt dress that went down to about her upper thigh. It wasn't low cut and it wasn't showing any skin but the whole outift was really tight and I thought it was risque on the verge of ****ty. She ended up wearing a long sweater over it but now is resentful saying I'm not her wardrobe police and she's offended bc I said it kind of looked ****ty. Who was wrong here? Please he honest, I can accept it if I'm being overprotective.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe I am wrong, but when a couple gets married the rules change. If one spouse has an issue with the attire of the other, they have a right to vocalize it. In a fair loving relationship, the other should respect the concerns and come up with a compromise.

I think our society today gives some the idea it is ok to draw the wrong and harmful type of attention.

Marriage means something, otherwise they should not have gotten married.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'd have to see it in pictures to tell yo uif I think it's ****ty or not. Tight sweater shirts and leggings are in fashion now. By the same token, there is fashoinable and there is ****ty. W/o seeing it though there is no way to tell...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I'd have to see it in pictures to tell yo uif I think it's ****ty or not. Tight sweater shirts and leggings are in fashion now. By the same token, there is fashoinable and there is ****ty. W/o seeing it though there is no way to tell...


I agree. Also, what would be more appropriate in your eyes?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

See I think as long as the sweater/tight thing isn't TOO short, it's ok. But there is a thing as too short.

Also something may look cute on a 23 yr old vs a 33 yr old. The length has a lot to do w/ it. 

There are some women who cheapen everything they wear. It's part of them. Like you could put the same dress on 2 women and one would look great and one could look tacky as hell. All depends. And there are some women who always look elegant and classy. I really think people are either born with this or they aren't (knowing how to dress). 

There are women who dress for men and there are women who dress for women. I much prefer to be the latter category. Plus, class trumps trash every day.


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

You're wife is right ... you're not her wardrobe police. There's nothing wrong with you respectfully suggesting it may be too revealing for your tastes (memo: saying she looks ****ty is not respectful) but at the end of the day she's a grown woman, and grown women get to dress themselves. If you don't believe she's acting inappropriately and she's not consistently dressing inappropriately (what you describe doesn't sound all that revealing or out of line for a night out), what's the big deal?
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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

If dressing in a way that draws the average hetero males attention to thoughts of...hmmmm, I don't believe it is appropriate in a healthy marriage to be putting it out there to gain looks. 

IMO.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

So she should wear a pillowcase and a paper bag on her head? People are going to think things no matter what you wear.

I'm glad my husband doesn't pull this mess. I wear what I like...it's not ****ty or inappropriate, but it's not "gramma" either.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

jealoushubby said:


> My wife and I are in the middle of a huge argument bc of what she wore out last night. She is 33, in great shape and the mother of 3 kids. She went out with a bunch of her girlfriends to a fancy dinner and to have a gift exchange. No bars or clubs and I don't suspect her of cheating at all. But the outfit she wore was black leggings with knee high boots, and a really tight shirt dress that went down to about her upper thigh. It wasn't low cut and it wasn't showing any skin but the whole outift was really tight and I thought it was risque on the verge of ****ty. She ended up wearing a long sweater over it but now is resentful saying I'm not her wardrobe police and she's offended bc I said it kind of looked ****ty. Who was wrong here? Please he honest, I can accept it if I'm being overprotective.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Be honest with yourself. Did she look trampy or 'smokin' hot' and you were threatened? From description, it sounds fashionable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

The next time you go somewhere just wear a pair of assless chaps. When she makes a comment let her know she is not your wardrobe police.:rofl: I'm joking of course . If you don't approve of what she is wearing you have a right to voice your opinion. How many men here have heard from their wives " Is that what you're wearing?".


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> The next time you go somewhere just wear a pair of assless chaps. When she makes a comment let her know she is not your wardrobe police.:rofl: I'm joking of course . If you don't approve of what she is wearing you have a right to voice your opinion. How many men here have heard from their wives " Is that what you're wearing?".


I thought all chaps were "assless"?
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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> I thought all chaps were "assless"?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes. But always wanted to use those 2 words together in a sentence. One more thing to scratch off the bucket list.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

that_girl said:


> So she should wear a pillowcase and a paper bag on her head? People are going to think things no matter what you wear.
> 
> I'm glad my husband doesn't pull this mess. I wear what I like...it's not ****ty or inappropriate, but it's not "gramma" either.


A tad bit extreme. It is either the pillow case or the paper bag. Not both.

I am drawing my personal experience of having a potential MLC causing her to expose and show more, and without a doubt trying to draw more attention from others. Then claim I am jealous....Ah yeah, what do you expect, when guys are staring at you.

Now since she has seperated she can do what she wants, but while claiming to be married, it would have been nice to show a little respect for the guy who has stood by her for 17 years. IMO.

You can look nice and then you can make guys drool.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

This is me said:


> Maybe I am wrong, but when a couple gets married the rules change. If one spouse has an issue with the attire of the other, they have a right to vocalize it. In a fair loving relationship, the other should respect the concerns and come up with a compromise.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> The next time you go somewhere just wear a pair of assless chaps. When she makes a comment let her know she is not your wardrobe police.:rofl: I'm joking of course . If you don't approve of what she is wearing you have a right to voice your opinion. How many men here have heard from their wives " Is that what you're wearing?".


LOL!!!!!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

She was wearing leggings, boots up to her knee and a top that covered down to upper thigh. No skin was showing and yet you still found it inappropriate? Now I know why you picked your sign on name. 
I am not in the camp of "wear whatever you want" but it doesn't sound like she was dressed wrong, it sounds pretty awesome actually. Take pride that you wife looks as good as she does. Isn't that what most men want?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

pidge70 said:


> I thought all chaps were "assless"?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do we REALLY need Nice777guy to come in here and go in to his monthly diatribe of why all chaps are assless and if they weren't they would be called pants?! Don't awaken the beast.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> She was wearing leggings, boots up to her knee and a top that covered down to upper thigh. No skin was showing and yet you still found it inappropriate? Now I know why you picked your sign on name.
> I am not in the camp of "wear whatever you want" but it doesn't sound like she was dressed wrong, it sounds pretty awesome actually. Take pride that you wife looks as good as she does. Isn't that what most men want?


I agree. It wasn't low cut either. Just tight.

Well, shoot. Tight, to me, doesn't mean ****ty.

I'm not a fashionista by ANY sense :lol: But I do like to dress up. When I do, it's somewhat tight...and I love my high boots  Hubs never says anything...just that he likes what I'm wearing--- no matter if I'm going out with him or not. I don't go out for guys' attention...just to feel good. I could live in my sweats, but...ew.


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

that_girl said:


> So she should wear a pillowcase and a paper bag on her head?


The Burqa - it's not just for oppressed Muslim women anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> The Burqa - it's not just for oppressed Muslim women anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And I don't think rules change when you get married. The "rules" should be discovered before that. IF your mate dresses funky, ****ty, lazy, sloppy BEFORE marriage, don't expect them to change.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

jealoushubby said:


> My wife and I are in the middle of a huge argument bc of what she wore out last night. She is 33, in great shape and the mother of 3 kids. She went out with a bunch of her girlfriends to a fancy dinner and to have a gift exchange. No bars or clubs and I don't suspect her of cheating at all. But the outfit she wore was black leggings with knee high boots, and a really tight shirt dress that went down to about her upper thigh. It wasn't low cut and it wasn't showing any skin but the whole outift was really tight and I thought it was risque on the verge of ****ty. She ended up wearing a long sweater over it but now is resentful saying I'm not her wardrobe police and she's offended bc I said it kind of looked ****ty. Who was wrong here? Please he honest, I can accept it if I'm being overprotective.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you felt really secure in your relationship with your wife it probably wouldn’t matter to you at all what she wears within reason when she goes out. I’d say for some reason or another you are feeling insecure about her love for you and you should talk with your wife about it.

But before you do list the behaviours of your wife that make you feel insecure so that if she wants to help you out you are ready to help her help you. Plus take look at yourself to see if you are an insecure type of person.

I think both partners have some form of duty to help their partner feel secure in the most important relationship in their lives and to that end should change their behaviours (within reason) such that their partner no longer feels insecure.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Tight doesn't mean sl-tty. So short your vagina and ass cheeks are pretty much showing DOES = sl-tty.


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## Wheels65 (Jul 17, 2011)

Not taking sides just a humorous thought (to me anyway)...

Maybe you could have rubbed her up good, smiled and said..."You look so hot and inappropriate for a married woman that I am going to f&%k your brains out when you get home baby!"

Could have turned fun?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

What you describe her wearing is what I expect a number of other moms/wifes there were also wearing. Not to pickup men, but to blend in with the other girls.

Keep in mind those kind of events are very stressful - you want to look good, but not ****ty, young, buy age appropriate etc.

What she wore sounds pretty middle of the road. If she was wearing a low cut blouse, with low riders, and thighboots with a whip. well that's be something to worry about, but her outfit sounds like something you'd see people wearing in the mall, at work, and at Christmas parties.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'd have to see your wife in the outfit before makeing a judgement.

It sounds pretty conservative since she was covered from up to her chin. Also sounds like your wife is pretty attractive. Attractive women can look very sexy in just about anything.

I am wondering if the boots are a big part of the issue. I've heard a lot of men call those types of boot hooker boots. It boggles the mind... it shows more what gutter the men's minds are in. They are fashion boots.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

The answer seems rather simple. As she went with others what were they wearing.


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## topgun (Dec 11, 2011)

that_girl said:


> And I don't think rules change when you get married. The "rules" should be discovered before that. IF your mate dresses funky, ****ty, lazy, sloppy BEFORE marriage, don't expect them to change.


I agree. 
I would not be ok with my husband telling me what to wear. I don't think because you're married you have the right to tell each other what to wear.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi jealoushubby ~

You started another thread a couple of months ago about being jealous toward your wife, hence, I am assuming your choice of user name. 

Do you not think that this incident could be another bout of that jealousy rearing its ugly head?

Have you been trying to do anything to control your jealousy? Are you doing any kind of IC? or MC?

What is it about your wife that makes you feel so jealous and insecure?

“_Jealousy is a tiger that tears not only its prey but also its own raging heart." ~ anon_.

I hope that you can find some success and comfort in trying to overcome your insecurities and jealousies, otherwise your wife will begin to grow very weary of marriage, and you will have wasted all of your precious time and your own life letting your own 'raging heart' rule you.

Best wishes.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I think I'd like your wife to take me shopping!

Sounds like a great outfit  ....without seeing a photo, it sounds fine to me. And it was leggings, as in thick leggings, not tights - then yes, sounds completely fine.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I guess I am different than most guys. I like my wife to dress sexy when she goes out. I even like it when someone hits on her. I guess I say to myself, "Sorry dude, she's mind and you can't have her!"


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

My husband does not like me to put my body on display when I dress. While he does not require me to dress like a Mormon, he is uncomfortable with too much skin showing.

If I do not like something he is wearing, my husband will change out of respect for me. It goes both ways.

The outfit in question sounds like something I would wear to go out. I agree that a picture is needed to truly have an informed opinion.


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## jealoushubby (Oct 7, 2011)

Thanks everyone for your responses. We have just agreed to disagree. She says I was calling her a **** but I think there is a HUGE difference between saying the outfit looked ****ty and saying she is a ****. 
Of course I am jealous and that definately Played a huge role I am sure. I have been going to counseling and have gotten better, this just rubbed me the wrong way. I am happy to have a sexy wife but I definately felt threatened knowing she looked that good and was going out without me. I wish I could just let it go but its tough. She's never cheated and she's never given me reason to doubt her. I wish I could post a pic but there is NO WAY she's wearing that outfit again anytime soon. That's her words not mine!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Dude. Men will look no matter what. Some men would ignore her in what she wore the other night and look when she's in jeans and a teeshirt. 

Sexiness is so objective...subjective? LOL I'm tired. Either way, men will look NO MATTER WHAT...unless she leaves the house in rags...but even then, there are some men that will look.

SO WHAT.

She cannot control how men look. She can control herself and it sounds like she does.


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## LBG (Nov 22, 2011)

My take on this, if she went out with friends that she hasn't seen in quite some time she wanted to show off how great she still looks! Women are like that. They'll often dress up more for other women then men. I agree though, the outfit doesn't sound sl!tty at all. If she can carry off all that tightness after 3 babies, I say go for it and be proud!
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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I had another thought...was she ovulating? If you don't know it is time you kept track. I use an app called "My days". If you don't get the coloration, read "The Married Man Sex Life Primer". 

For me, I want to be the type of husband that makes her want to come home to me. Like I said before, I have no problem if other men look at her. I want her to say to herself, "Dude, you could NEVER do what my husband does for me!!" and that in bed or otherwise.

And another thing: The one sure way to drive her away is to smother her, be jealous of other guys, and to be controlling of her.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

romantic_guy said:


> And another thing: The one sure way to drive her away is to smother her, be jealous of other guys, and to be controlling of her.




:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

jealoushubby said:


> Thanks everyone for your responses. We have just agreed to disagree. She says I was calling her a **** but I think there is a HUGE difference between saying the outfit looked ****ty and saying she is a ****.
> Of course I am jealous and that definately Played a huge role I am sure. I have been going to counseling and have gotten better, this just rubbed me the wrong way. I am happy to have a sexy wife but I definately felt threatened knowing she looked that good and was going out without me. I wish I could just let it go but its tough. She's never cheated and she's never given me reason to doubt her. I wish I could post a pic but there is NO WAY she's wearing that outfit again anytime soon. That's her words not mine!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does she dress like that when you go out together?


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## jealoushubby (Oct 7, 2011)

he does wear sexist clothing when we go out together and I love that. Is it wrong to want my wife to dress more conservatively when she's not out with me? I think thats reasonable but maybe some consider it controlling. It just sucks bc there's no comparison to what I would wear being a male.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I say, either you trust her or you don't. You can't control other men and what they do...so don't try.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

jealoushubby said:


> he does wear sexist clothing when we go out together and I love that. Is it wrong to want my wife to dress more conservatively when she's not out with me? I think thats reasonable but maybe some consider it controlling. It just sucks bc there's no comparison to what I would wear being a male.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Contrary to many other posts here, I believe you should consider the feelings/opinion of your spouse in the way you dress. I can't count the number of " you are Not wearing that, are you?" s I have gotten.....


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