# I am involed with the most stubborn man EVER!



## makingmymarriagework

Boy where do I begin:

I love this man with all my heart, but talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. He feels he is ALWAYS right, he rarely acknowledges that he made an error, he MUST have the last word,and he feels that when when he asks for your help with anything, you have to stop what you are doing to accomodate him. Before you ask why am I with him, he does this to EVERYONE. It's not just with me, he does it to his sister, his neices, his newphews, his brother-in-law, his friends, and his associates. It gets so bad with me, his BIL, and sister, and I all agree to be quiet and let him have his sayso whenever he gets into those "I AM RIGHT" moods. It is so not worth it to argue with him because you will LOOSE. 

To him I am a challenge, I don't ALWAYS let him think he's right, and that's where the conflict begins. I put him in his place and he doesn't like it. I do notice that when I ignore him for a few days, it calms not only me down, but him as well. I hate to have to do that for him to see that he is bull-headed. We are planning a wedding for next year, and I hate to think that by not speaking to him for a couple of days will remedy our issues. He should be able to realize that he can't always be right, and sometimes it is best to be quiet, to avoid an argument.

How do I effectively get him to realize this without us getting into an argument?


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## Sandy55

You are trying to change his basic personality of being a know it all type. 

Don't marry him until you change his personality.


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## makingmymarriagework

Sandy55 said:


> You are trying to change his basic personality of being a know it all type.
> 
> Don't marry him until you change his personality.




Is it possible to change him? :rofl:


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## amberlynn

And I thought I was the only one with a man like this... I feel so sorry for you.. My husband is NEVER wrong..he's right about everything.. always has the last word.. and he does this with just me.. its hard to break him, but it can be done. 

The way I broke my husband from "Im always right" mood is if I said something and he said I was wrong, I would make him look it up, or make him call someone to verify what I was saying was right. He didnt like it, but soon got over it.. as for the last word, we're still workin on that issue, from time to time, ill look for a reason to go to the store, just so i can stand at the door and be a smart ass about the whole situation and say.. "haha i got the last word" and leave. I would try hiding camera and record him in his moods and play it back for him to see and ask him how he would feel if you treated him this way.


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## makingmymarriagework

amberlynn said:


> And I thought I was the only one with a man like this... I feel so sorry for you.. My husband is NEVER wrong..he's right about everything.. always has the last word.. and he does this with just me.. its hard to break him, but it can be done.
> 
> The way I broke my husband from "Im always right" mood is if I said something and he said I was wrong, I would make him look it up, or make him call someone to verify what I was saying was right. He didnt like it, but soon got over it.. as for the last word, we're still workin on that issue, from time to time, ill look for a reason to go to the store, just so i can stand at the door and be a smart ass about the whole situation and say.. "haha i got the last word" and leave. I would try hiding camera and record him in his moods and play it back for him to see and ask him how he would feel if you treated him this way.


WOW, you are living my life! As a matter of fact, I call myself the "google girl" because I refer to that search engine whenever we get into thos dissagreements. It does shut him up though! And I do the last word thing with my spin on it. Whenever he goes off in his rants, and I see that trying to make him see my point isn't working, I'll text him with what I have to get off my chest. And as for the camera and tape recorder...I LOVE THAT IDEA!:rofl:


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## amberlynn

I read this post off to my husband and told him "this sounds just like you!" He didnt like it too much...i think it runs in his family tho.. half his family think they know everything about everybody..his brother is really bad about it, he's always like "ill look it up and prove it to you" then make an ass of himself. Its really funny when my H, his brother, and their aunt get to arguen over somethin, each of them have a different view of it, and each of them have to be right. I swear Im goin to lock them in a room together just to sit back and enjoy the "know it alls" in the family fight it out. :rofl:


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## makingmymarriagework

amberlynn said:


> I read this post off to my husband and told him "this sounds just like you!" He didnt like it too much...i think it runs in his family tho.. half his family think they know everything about everybody..his brother is really bad about it, he's always like "ill look it up and prove it to you" then make an ass of himself. Its really funny when my H, his brother, and their aunt get to arguen over somethin, each of them have a different view of it, and each of them have to be right. I swear Im goin to lock them in a room together just to sit back and enjoy the "know it alls" in the family fight it out. :rofl:


Hahahahahaahahahaha well my man is known in the family as "Mr. Know-It-All". He holds that title solo. NO ONE wants to put up with his crap. When we announced our engagement, they were all intrigued with me because they found it hard to believe that there is a woman on earth who has the balls to challenge him!


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## amberlynn

Maybe thats what he needs, to be challenged, needs someone to stand up to him and put him in his place. Oh oh oh go find a really smart nerd, sit the 2 down together and watch and see what happens. Thats a good way to challenge him. He needs to be broken.. theres no way he knows everything..


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## makingmymarriagework

amberlynn said:


> Maybe thats what he needs, to be challenged, needs someone to stand up to him and put him in his place. Oh oh oh go find a really smart nerd, sit the 2 down together and watch and see what happens. Thats a good way to challenge him. He needs to be broken.. theres no way he knows everything..


:rofl:amberlynn you seriously have me cracking up here!
I am going to purchase that tape recorder as back up. I can keep quiet some of the time just to let him think he's right, but he's not gonna get away with it ALL the time. There's just no way!:nono:


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## amberlynn

Let me know how it turns out... Im curious as to what his reaction will be. I dont understand why men think they know everything.. I guess it makes them look tough... NOT... makes them look like total asses.


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## makingmymarriagework

amberlynn said:


> Let me know how it turns out... Im curious as to what his reaction will be. I dont understand why men think they know everything.. I guess it makes them look tough... NOT... makes them look like total asses.


Oh, trust me, I will definately keep you posted!


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## preso

makingmymarriagework said:


> Boy where do I begin:
> 
> I love this man with all my heart, but talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. He feels he is ALWAYS right, he rarely acknowledges that he made an error, he MUST have the last word,and he feels that when when he asks for your help with anything, you have to stop what you are doing to accomodate him. Before you ask why am I with him, he does this to EVERYONE. It's not just with me, he does it to his sister, his neices, his newphews, his brother-in-law, his friends, and his associates. It gets so bad with me, his BIL, and sister, and I all agree to be quiet and let him have his sayso whenever he gets into those "I AM RIGHT" moods. It is so not worth it to argue with him because you will LOOSE.
> 
> To him I am a challenge, I don't ALWAYS let him think he's right, and that's where the conflict begins. I put him in his place and he doesn't like it. I do notice that when I ignore him for a few days, it calms not only me down, but him as well. I hate to have to do that for him to see that he is bull-headed. We are planning a wedding for next year, and I hate to think that by not speaking to him for a couple of days will remedy our issues. He should be able to realize that he can't always be right, and sometimes it is best to be quiet, to avoid an argument.
> 
> How do I effectively get him to realize this without us getting into an argument?


wow. he sounds like me ex.

Maybe he "likes" to argue ? That was the case of my ex.
He was a total control freak.


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## makingmymarriagework

preso said:


> wow. he sounds like me ex.
> 
> Maybe he "likes" to argue ? That was the case of my ex.
> He was a total control freak.


Oh yes, he is the ultimate control freak, but I do love him.:scratchhead:


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## preso

I loved mine too but not enough to stay with him
or marry him. I walked away before the wedding.
My grandmother BEGGED me not to marry him. She would say,
he loved me too, in his own way, but his ways were not the ways of love, but fear....
and I should find a man who offered love.

Now that I'm away from him and have been away from him, I can see it more clear and how bad it would have been for me to stay with him. I would have developed anxiety, depression and who knows what else. I found a man of love and being with him is nothing like being with the ex. 
Control freaks do not make good partners, but maybe there is some lesson God is giving you. My grandmother would tell me when I suffered with the ex, that now I knew what Jesus felt like...
and how it was not the intent of marriage to be a martyr.

My ex is still single and will always be as most women run from control freaks, no matter how handsome or wealthy...
they are just awful partners.


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## Nobody123

My DH is like that too and he would never change. He might seem to get better at times but always revert back to the same old personality.

These men are not the easiest to live with. When you're still dating, they might dote around you or concede once in a while. After you're married, then you have to face the struggle in everyday life. Since they're so self centered and see themselves doing no wrong, they are not good partners as they lack empathy to see the feeling of the other side. To stay married with such a person will take loads of hard work.


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## preso

Nobody123 said:


> My DH is like that too and he would never change. He might seem to get better at times but always revert back to the same old personality.
> 
> These men are not the easiest to live with. When you're still dating, they might dote around you or concede once in a while. After you're married, then you have to face the struggle in everyday life. Since they're so self centered and see themselves doing no wrong, they are not good partners as they lack empathy to see the feeling of the other side. To stay married with such a person will take loads of hard work.



More work than any marriage is worth.
Marriage isn't supposed to be cenetered all around one person.

I'm so glad I didn't marry my ex... it was hard to see the light when so deeply involved but I did the right thing and took my lumps and walked off learning my lessons.
Did not marry him, which I consider one of the best things I ever did in my life. Now married to someone else and he is nothing like the ex.
(I made sure not to get a control freak)


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## feylovelyheart

makingmymarriagework said:


> Boy where do I begin:
> 
> I love this man with all my heart, but talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. He feels he is ALWAYS right, he rarely acknowledges that he made an error, he MUST have the last word,and he feels that when when he asks for your help with anything, you have to stop what you are doing to accomodate him. Before you ask why am I with him, he does this to EVERYONE. It's not just with me, he does it to his sister, his neices, his newphews, his brother-in-law, his friends, and his associates. It gets so bad with me, his BIL, and sister, and I all agree to be quiet and let him have his sayso whenever he gets into those "I AM RIGHT" moods. It is so not worth it to argue with him because you will LOOSE.
> 
> To him I am a challenge, I don't ALWAYS let him think he's right, and that's where the conflict begins. I put him in his place and he doesn't like it. I do notice that when I ignore him for a few days, it calms not only me down, but him as well. I hate to have to do that for him to see that he is bull-headed. We are planning a wedding for next year, and I hate to think that by not speaking to him for a couple of days will remedy our issues. He should be able to realize that he can't always be right, and sometimes it is best to be quiet, to avoid an argument.
> 
> How do I effectively get him to realize this without us getting into an argument?


Wooowwwwww. He sounds like my H.

Hmm...I am start thinking I am not the only one who deals with this kind of guy. oooh What a relief! 

You all certainly have a funny way to deal with it. I never think about doing it before. Hmm....Maybe I should try that :scratchhead:

I hope it will work for me ray:


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## makingmymarriagework

Nobody123 said:


> My DH is like that too and he would never change. He might seem to get better at times but always revert back to the same old personality.
> 
> These men are not the easiest to live with. When you're still dating, they might dote around you or concede once in a while. After you're married, then you have to face the struggle in everyday life. Since they're so self centered and see themselves doing no wrong, they are not good partners as they lack empathy to see the feeling of the other side. To stay married with such a person will take loads of hard work.


So do you think it could work?


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## makingmymarriagework

feylovelyheart said:


> Wooowwwwww. He sounds like my H.
> 
> Hmm...I am start thinking I am not the only one who deals with this kind of guy. oooh What a relief!
> 
> You all certainly have a funny way to deal with it. I never think about doing it before. Hmm....Maybe I should try that :scratchhead:
> 
> I hope it will work for me ray:


He really is ALOT of work. I'm seriousy re-evaluating the relationship.


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## Nobody123

makingmymarriagework said:


> So do you think it could work?


It all depends. I've been married for 28 years. I should have realize his narcissistic behavior when we were dating but I was too young (only 19). He was the best friend and a big brother who helped me out in the biggest trauma in my life when my mom passed away. He was handsome, tall, smart and extremely attentive to me. However, he had no friends as he viewed himself as someone very special and would find faults in people in general. 

My 28 years of marriage is certainly not a failure but I was extremely miserable as I couldn't believe that is what a marraige should be. There is no partnership as he only sees his way. I do all the chores, have a full time job and he seldom lends a helping hand as his lack of empathy will never allow him to see how overwhelmed I am. Whenever we have a disagreement, he'll get upset and ditch out the silent treatment and remain cold for a long time, even for a couple of months. His narcissistic behavior also extends to the kids; if the kids don't behave in the way he wants, he'll blow up, criticize them and put them down.

I learned to live with him; life can be tough but I stick around and look at the bright side for the sake of the family. Now he is older but he is getting worse as he is dealing with the mid-life crisis. He complains about his job everyday and tries to force me to retire with him but it is not even practical since the kids are still in college. In the meantime, he has no regard of money and want to spend them in the most irrational manner. If he doesn't get his way, then he is all moody, upset and depressed. 

I'm still married but it is at best a disfunctional working relationship. I have to constantly manage him wisely to keep the family going. These people will not change; they can only get worse. You really need to evaluate if this is something that you want in life.


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## makingmymarriagework

Nobody123 said:


> It all depends. I've been married for 28 years. I should have realize his narcissistic behavior when we were dating but I was too young (only 19). He was the best friend and a big brother who helped me out in the biggest trauma in my life when my mom passed away. He was handsome, tall, smart and extremely attentive to me. However, he had no friends as he viewed himself as someone very special and would find faults in people in general.
> 
> My 28 years of marriage is certainly not a failure but I was extremely miserable as I couldn't believe that is what a marraige should be. There is no partnership as he only sees his way. I do all the chores, have a full time job and he seldom lends a helping hand as his lack of empathy will never allow him to see how overwhelmed I am. Whenever we have a disagreement, he'll get upset and ditch out the silent treatment and remain cold for a long time, even for a couple of months. His narcissistic behavior also extends to the kids; if the kids don't behave in the way he wants, he'll blow up, criticize them and put them down.
> 
> I learned to live with him; life can be tough but I stick around and look at the bright side for the sake of the family. Now he is older but he is getting worse as he is dealing with the mid-life crisis. He complains about his job everyday and tries to force me to retire with him but it is not even practical since the kids are still in college. In the meantime, he has no regard of money and want to spend them in the most irrational manner. If he doesn't get his way, then he is all moody, upset and depressed.
> 
> I'm still married but it is at best a disfunctional working relationship. I have to constantly manage him wisely to keep the family going. These people will not change; they can only get worse. You really need to evaluate if this is something that you want in life.


Thank you, I read and re-read this 3 times. I appreciate it.


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## feylovelyheart

makingmymarriagework said:


> Thank you, I read and re-read this 3 times. I appreciate it.


Yea...I did the same.

I keep thinking about what I am going to do next. Trying to see both side and what is the best for us. I hope I will make a good decision. Thank you so much for your post. It really opens my mind.


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## preso

makingmymarriagework said:


> Hahahahahaahahahaha well my man is known in the family as "Mr. Know-It-All". He holds that title solo. NO ONE wants to put up with his crap. When we announced our engagement, they were all intrigued with me because they found it hard to believe that there is a woman on earth who has the balls to challenge him!


what you see as a challenge is going to be a very useless and frustrating endevor for you.
talk about finding ways to waste your time and decrease the ( good) aspects of life.

what you see as taking on a challenge many others see as stubborn foolishness on your part.

Most women would not want to waste their time and energy like that...


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## makingmymarriagework

Well our relationship has been on troubled waters for some time and it finally came to a head because we broke up 2 days ago. Deep down inside I know it's for the best, but I'm mourning my relationship.


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## CarolineMRF

Yesterday's may be difficult to get by, but tomorrow is another day....You will do just fine...I send you all my love and best wishes...


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## makingmymarriagework

Thanks but we have worked it out. He's making a concious effort to curb his stubborn ways.


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## Heart_of_Gold

I absolutely LOVE your idea of recording his bad behavior. I think it would make my man feel like the ASS he can be. :rofl:


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## MEM2020

What happens when he states a fact - and you show him via a google search that he is simply wrong. What does he do when that happens?






makingmymarriagework said:


> Oh yes, he is the ultimate control freak, but I do love him.:scratchhead:


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## preso

makingmymarriagework said:


> Boy where do I begin:
> 
> I love this man with all my heart, but talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. He feels he is ALWAYS right, he rarely acknowledges that he made an error, he MUST have the last word,and he feels that when when he asks for your help with anything, you have to stop what you are doing to accomodate him. Before you ask why am I with him, he does this to EVERYONE. It's not just with me, he does it to his sister, his neices, his newphews, his brother-in-law, his friends, and his associates. It gets so bad with me, his BIL, and sister, and I all agree to be quiet and let him have his sayso whenever he gets into those "I AM RIGHT" moods. It is so not worth it to argue with him because you will LOOSE.
> 
> To him I am a challenge, I don't ALWAYS let him think he's right, and that's where the conflict begins. I put him in his place and he doesn't like it. I do notice that when I ignore him for a few days, it calms not only me down, but him as well. I hate to have to do that for him to see that he is bull-headed. We are planning a wedding for next year, and I hate to think that by not speaking to him for a couple of days will remedy our issues. He should be able to realize that he can't always be right, and sometimes it is best to be quiet, to avoid an argument.
> 
> How do I effectively get him to realize this without us getting into an argument?



Sounds like a guy I dated, years ago... I was smart enough to see his issues and not marry him... with the help of my wonderful grandmother...
I WAS SAVED YEARS OF UNHAPPINESS AND CONFLICT.

I had to let him go as I knew there would be no peace being with him. I saw him get on his family members with that same attitude and one time calling his mom at Christmas where she ended up hanging up on him.
I told him I felt sorry for any woman he ever got hooked up with in the future but would understand if I read in the newspaper she ran him over with her car on purpose. He was no more than someones sex toy because out of bed, he was the most irritating man I ever met.
Now, looking back, I was not really in love with him but the sex was good. To be honest out of bed, he just sucked as a human being !!!
I can only hope you can escape the situation your in, because trust me when I say, it won't get better and he will take all your life and spirit from you.
That is not love you have for him, its something like martyrdom, as love is not that way. Love is patient and kind...
what you have is an opportunity to have a lesson on what love is and isn't... and you'll end up with serious depression if you stay with him. Every word out of your mouth will turn into an arguement with him.. he will take all your spirit from you and leave you an emotional wreck... more so if you fight him to keep your wits and self esteem... he will fight only harder to beat you down. He won't be happy until he beats you down and rebuilds you the way he wants.. a mouse in the corner.


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## makingmymarriagework

preso said:


> Sounds like a guy I dated, years ago... I was smart enough to see his issues and not marry him... with the help of my wonderful grandmother...
> I WAS SAVED YEARS OF UNHAPPINESS AND CONFLICT.
> 
> I had to let him go as I knew there would be no peace being with him. I saw him get on his family members with that same attitude and one time calling his mom at Christmas where she ended up hanging up on him.
> I told him I felt sorry for any woman he ever got hooked up with in the future but would understand if I read in the newspaper she ran him over with her car on purpose. He was no more than someones sex toy because out of bed, he was the most irritating man I ever met.
> Now, looking back, I was not really in love with him but the sex was good. To be honest out of bed, he just sucked as a human being !!!
> I can only hope you can escape the situation your in, because trust me when I say, it won't get better and he will take all your life and spirit from you.
> That is not love you have for him, its something like martyrdom, as love is not that way. Love is patient and kind...
> what you have is an opportunity to have a lesson on what love is and isn't... and you'll end up with serious depression if you stay with him. Every word out of your mouth will turn into an arguement with him.. he will take all your spirit from you and leave you an emotional wreck... more so if you fight him to keep your wits and self esteem... he will fight only harder to beat you down. He won't be happy until he beats you down and rebuilds you the way he wants.. a mouse in the corner.


You are so right, and because of that, I have left him, and I am starting a new life out of state WITHOUT HIM!:smthumbup:


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## HappyLadyToo

I don't know if it's too late however I made this mistake twice. Don't marry him!!!


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## silly

I am married to a man you are all describing. I don’t know if I hate him or if I hate myself for being so emotional hung on trying to fix something that cannot be fixed. I am depressed, my low self-esteem has gone down the drain, and I am starting to feel like I am loosing it. I am experiencing such a suffocating loneliness, that I want to scream of the top of my lungs. Part of me understands that I have to get out of this marriage as soon as possible, and another, stupid part of me still hopes it can get better. Stubbornness equals selfishness. It is nature; this is how they were born – selfish. A selfish person is incapable of empathy and seeing how the other person feels or what that person needs. Their perception of reality is so delusional that they sincerely believe that they are the center of the universe – if they do something good, you have to praise them for the rest of their lives; if they make a mistake, it will be always be someone or something else’s false (most likely the world being against them). And with this, you cannot fight. It is a lost fight, during which you will end up being a nerve wrack while the ******* next to you will enjoy life and move on quicker than you think.

To all of you who are not yet married to one, run as fast as you can. To you who are already married to one, I don’t know what to say, as I am in your shoes, and it doesn’t feel good at all. May be just one thing, if you still don’t have children with the guy, try not to have any! The escape will be easier.


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## 1butter3fly

silly said:


> I am married to a man you are all describing. I don’t know if I hate him or if I hate myself for being so emotional hung on trying to fix something that cannot be fixed. I am depressed, my low self-esteem has gone down the drain, and I am starting to feel like I am loosing it. I am experiencing such a suffocating loneliness, that I want to scream of the top of my lungs. Part of me understands that I have to get out of this marriage as soon as possible, and another, stupid part of me still hopes it can get better. Stubbornness equals selfishness. It is nature; this is how they were born – selfish. A selfish person is incapable of empathy and seeing how the other person feels or what that person needs. Their perception of reality is so delusional that they sincerely believe that they are the center of the universe – if they do something good, you have to praise them for the rest of their lives; if they make a mistake, it will be always be someone or something else’s false (most likely the world being against them). And with this, you cannot fight. It is a lost fight, during which you will end up being a nerve wrack while the ******* next to you will enjoy life and move on quicker than you think.
> 
> To all of you who are not yet married to one, run as fast as you can. To you who are already married to one, I don’t know what to say, as I am in your shoes, and it doesn’t feel good at all. May be just one thing, if you still don’t have children with the guy, try not to have any! The escape will be easier.


I feel like you are describing my marriage!!! My husband is EXACTLY like that and I think and realise that he will not change. I really don't know what to do, as he is my second husband and, we have an almost 3 year old boy. He is so stubborn that he would stop talking to me for days (at the moment we are apart because I had to come to my home country to finish some paperwork and it is taking forever), but that is not what it breaks my heart, he would completely stop talking to our baby and I just feel awful when he asks me where daddy is or that he wants to call daddy and I just don't know what to say. 

I have to admit that ever the years (seven), I have changed, for worse, I can see that I am not as confident as I used to, sometimes I don't even want to shower, I don't have any friends because he became the centre of my attention, to be honest, I made him the centre of my attention, it's like I didn't need any friends, if you know what I mean. I am all day long at my mother's (we're staying here till I finish my paperwork), I'm scared to go on the street because I feel that something bad might happen to me or the kids, I am becoming a hermit and paranoid.

I want to leave him big time but then I think that is my second husband, I've got a baby with him, I don't know. I love him to bits but he is so stubborn and selfish. Last time we argued I started crying and he said he didn't believe it, that I was faking it, which I've never done since I have always had problems showing my feelings to anyone, he broke my heart to pieces. Afterwards, to make up, he said that he is just stupid and that's why he says things like that to me, that I shouldn't be hurt by those things he says, that he doesn't think when he tells me those things. Well, I don't believe that, he knows exactly what to say to hurt me, therefor he does it with the purpose of hurting, therefor he thinks, he knows what to do.

Anyway, I'm going crazy, depressed and very lonely, the ultimatums, well, we had crossed that bridge already, he doesn't believe me and he just ignores me. 

What should I do? I've got love to give, and I am still young, I'm 34 years old. But then again, who'd like to be with a woman who's got two kids from two different marriages?

Thanks for reading. X


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