# Vouching For Me = More Dates, Online Dating = Less Dates



## dennisg1 (Jun 5, 2017)

Now that I'm dating again I'm having friends/family set me up with girls to go out with. In my eyes, I find these girls attractive and when we go out we have a good time that usually leads to other dates.

However, when I try to message equally attractive girls online I rarely hear back from them. I know girls online get bombarded by messages but it's just so frustrating to know that if we shared in knowing a similar friend we would be most likely going out on a date together. I know there is also the element of everyone online being "complete" strangers, but I guess vouching for someone holds a lot of weight when it comes to dating. 

It almost makes me want to create a dating app where friends/family can vouch for you when they have friends that are also dating. Lol. Because when I read some girls profiles online, I know we would hit it off but it never even gets to that point but if someone would vouch for me it's like smooth sailing. Lol.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

If women are not answering your messages, they aren't interested. It's as simple as that. Vouching when trying to get involved with strangers holds no value and could never be trusted.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Some of the dating apps already show if you have shared friends or interests (e.g. tinder). But something to think about is the hot women that have no problems finding dates aren't usually online. The few that are get bombarded by everyone. 

I don't know how much vouching really matters. The women that go out with you once will only go out with you again if they find you attractive regardless of how much vouching you have.


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## dennisg1 (Jun 5, 2017)

BigToe said:


> If women are not answering your messages, they aren't interested. It's as simple as that. Vouching when trying to get involved with strangers holds no value and could never be trusted.


Yes, but I mean vouching when we share a common friend usually works out great for me even though we are complete strangers.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Looks like my thoughts about entering the online dating world will have been retired before I even got to start 

But from what I read on here from others, OLD for guys is all about how you look and how the profile is written.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You mention that it's "girls" you are dating or trying to date. You mean girls like teens or 20 years old- ish? My suggestion is to look at dating some women who are older than girl age. I'm guessing you'd have a better result.


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## dennisg1 (Jun 5, 2017)

Livvie said:


> You mention that it's "girls" you are dating or trying to date. You mean girls like teens or 20 years old- ish? My suggestion is to look at dating some women who are older than girl age. I'm guessing you'd have a better result.


I mean late 20s, early 30s; I tend to use the term "girls" in the general sense, for example, if I'm with friends I would say that "girl" over there is beautiful vs saying that "woman" over there is beautiful, it's just sounds more natural to me or maybe I should use "gal" but that's a word I wouldn't use normally. Lol. Likewise, I'm sure girls would usually say that "guy" over there is handsome vs that "man" over there is handsome.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

dennisg1 said:


> Livvie said:
> 
> 
> > You mention that it's "girls" you are dating or trying to date. You mean girls like teens or 20 years old- ish? My suggestion is to look at dating some women who are older than girl age. I'm guessing you'd have a better result.
> ...


I'm not sure many 30 year old women enjoy being referred to as a girl, just FYI.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

dennisg1 said:


> I mean late 20s, early 30s; I tend to use the term "girls" in the general sense, for example, if I'm with friends I would say that "girl" over there is beautiful vs saying that "woman" over there is beautiful, it's just sounds more natural to me or maybe I should use "gal" but that's a word I wouldn't use normally. Lol. Likewise, I'm sure girls would usually say that "guy" over there is handsome vs that "man" over there is handsome.


Don't feel the need to apologize or justify. You can use whatever semantics you choose. 



Livvie said:


> I'm not sure many 30 year old women enjoy being referred to as a girl, just FYI.


None of the women I've ever dated cared, especially when I call them "my girl".


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## dennisg1 (Jun 5, 2017)

Bananapeel said:


> Don't feel the need to apologize or justify. You can use whatever semantics you choose.
> 
> None of the women I've ever dated cared, especially when I call them "my girl".


Exactly, couldn't agree more! 

I'm yet to run into a "woman" that disliked being called "girl"; especially when using it in a flirtatious endearing way.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Plus, if they did care and made it a big deal you could just stop dating them, or if you're in a playful mood you could give them a spanking to correct their attitude. But really, anyone whose feelings get hurt that easily or is that easily offended is not someone I'd get along with anyway.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dennisg1 said:


> Now that I'm dating again I'm having friends/family set me up with girls to go out with. In my eyes, I find these girls attractive and when we go out we have a good time that usually leads to other dates.
> 
> However, when I try to message equally attractive girls online I rarely hear back from them. I know girls online get bombarded by messages but it's just so frustrating to know that if we shared in knowing a similar friend we would be most likely going out on a date together. I know there is also the element of everyone online being "complete" strangers, but I guess vouching for someone holds a lot of weight when it comes to dating.
> 
> *It almost makes me want to create a dating app where friends/family can vouch for you when they have friends that are also dating.* Lol. Because when I read some girls profiles online, I know we would hit it off but it never even gets to that point but if someone would vouch for me it's like smooth sailing. Lol.


That app would never work out. Why? Because there would be no way to verify that the "friends and family" who vouch for a person are real. A user can just make up family & friends accounts and post glowing assessments.

I could see it if real family posted.... "_My brother Joe is a real dip ****. In high school he used to try to go out with all my girlfriends because it's the only way any girl would let him get close enough to ask them out. I lost more friends with drooling all over them."_ LOL >


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dennisg1 said:


> I mean late 20s, early 30s; I tend to use the term "girls" in the general sense, for example, if I'm with friends I would say that "girl" over there is beautiful vs saying that "woman" over there is beautiful, it's just sounds more natural to me or maybe I should use "gal" but that's a word I wouldn't use normally. Lol. Likewise, I'm sure girls would usually say that "guy" over there is handsome vs that "man" over there is handsome.


The male equivalent to "girl" is "boy". 

Yes, most women would probably say "that guy" and not "that boy" or "that man".

Once girls become women, they tend to be insulted by being called "girl". 

I assume you are old enough to be called a man so you should probably not be dating "girls". It might seem superficial to you, but word usage tells a lot about a person's mindset.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I could have sworn there was a dating app a few years ago that basically used your social media friends lists to find you matches. Essentially, you could see the profiles and be matched with other singles who were friends of friends of friends. I guess it didn't take off, because I can't seem to find any reference to it now.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> The male equivalent to "girl" is "boy".
> 
> Yes, most women would probably say "that guy" and not "that boy" or "that man".
> 
> ...


It's context. Business meeting...yes...women, not girls. In a dating context my experience matches BananaPeel and dennisg1, I've yet to meet a woman that objects to being called a girl in a generic sense and particularly so in an endearing manner.

It's women's night out? No, it's girls night out.
It's a girls group? No, it's a women's group.

It's context.


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## dennisg1 (Jun 5, 2017)

Rowan said:


> I could have sworn there was a dating app a few years ago that basically used your social media friends lists to find you matches. Essentially, you could see the profiles and be matched with other singles who were friends of friends of friends. I guess it didn't take off, because I can't seem to find any reference to it now.


I'm sure when the Facebook dating app comes out there will definitely be something like this built into their algorithm when it comes to matching, I'm interested to see how this compares to other online dating apps. I feel once Facebook enters this market it will definitely effect other dating apps because a lot of them already use Facebook's APIs to receive data for their own matching app algorithms. 

https://www.wired.com/story/facebook-dating-how-it-works/
https://techcrunch.com/2018/08/03/facebook-dating-feature/


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I've had poor results when using terms that make a woman seem older. i.e. crone, hag, spinster, granny.
On the other hand all I have to do is walk into a gym to be called creeper.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You are asking a question and bringing up a topic that up untill the last decade or two was just simply how it was done for thousands and thousands of years of human history.


Putting the topic if the word "girls" aside for a moment and getting back in topic - yes, having a trusted person vouch for you carries much weight.

An attractive female is bombarded daily with constant attention and offers and opportunities. She doesnt know if you are a normal dude or a total schlep or a serial killer that has half a dozen women chained up in your crawlspace.

But If a trusted female friend or relative of her own or greater status and market value vouches for you, that carries a lot of weight and helps you get your foot in the door much more than a self-written profile.

It's the same is the business world where network marketing and "not what you know but who you know" makes all the difference in the world.

In traditional cultures the village "Matchmaker" carried great weight in setting up potential mates and the extreme form is actual arranged marriages where parents worked out with other parents and the tribal elders on who would be matched up with who. 

My wife is way out of my league looks-wise and even though we worked in the same place for years, she didn't give me the time of day until a mutual friend that she had a lot of faith in started telling her that I was a good guy and would be a good catch.

And additionally, since she wouldn't give me the time of day, I thought she was a total snob and biotch until this mutual friend started telling me that she was actually very warm and nice and that she was just shy and that I needed to nut-up and ask her out and get to know each other.

This was back before Al Gore invented the internet and this is how people met and dated. She would have never even wrote me back if all she had to go on was my picture and and self-written profile.

And truth be told, I probably would've assumed she was way out of my league and I never would've tried swiping her or writing to her online anyway.


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## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> The male equivalent to "girl" is "boy".
> 
> 
> 
> ...



When I was in my twenty’s a few decades ago we called them “chicks”. Were they small hens? Then the late 70s came along and guys referred to them as “ladies”. A song about classified personal ad dating, pina colattas and getting caught in the rain is an example. After that, every woman became a “babe”. Are they babies? Today, girls refer to their boyfriends as “boo”. That is scary. What is it, Halloween? Feminism and political correctness have turned common slang into insult where some people are looking for an opportunity to be offended where there was no such intent. As in this thread.


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