# Start the violins



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Bah..
Just another Friday morning where I drop the kid off at her moms for the coming week. this one went by too fast. I often find myself thinking I could have done more with her, but then again, she had a good time. I just miss her already. 

Soon, she will be into her teens and I know its not going to be the same. Distance and age will seperate us. Even now, at 11, shes getting headstrong and independent. Thats all to be expected, but it also highlights the effects of being surprised with a divorce, and ultimately losing half the time of your life with your kid. That part thats "supposed" to be there. 

It refreshes the resentment and anger towards the ex, compounded with the involvement of a perfect stranger now living at the marital home getting the other "50%" of the time with my kid. 

Im aware that acquisitions do not bring happiness, yet the underlying meaningful things took a hit this time.. just such a deep wound it left. 
I guess it dashed my hopes that there was some sort of justice or protection for the most sacred of things, that some things could not be touched by the error of others. I guess Ive never felt so vulnerable with the things that for me mean the freaking most.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

This struck home with me because I'm sure my ex feels this way. I'm not without a heart. I wanted him to have extra time with our DD until it became unhealthy (not your situation). But when he tried to take her away, the fear I'd never have any type of relationship with her was overwhelming.

Neither of us have remarried and I guess that helps a bit - I imagine thinking of them as the family unit with you on the outside looking in is very disheartening knowing this wasn't your choice and your life changed drastically against your will.

I would like to believe in some sort of karmic justice - even if I'm not religious, I do sort of 'get' the idea of energy flows and wonder if all balances are eventually righted. I feel to some degree it has with my life but there are still holes.

Sorry - I guess this is just rambly. Just wanted you to know someone read it, understood your pain, frustration, anger and rawness.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Bah..
> Just another Friday morning where I drop the kid off at her moms for the coming week. this one went by too fast. I often find myself thinking I could have done more with her, but then again, she had a good time. I just miss her already.
> 
> Soon, she will be into her teens and I know its not going to be the same. Distance and age will seperate us. Even now, at 11, shes getting headstrong and independent. Thats all to be expected, but it also highlights the effects of being surprised with a divorce, and ultimately losing half the time of your life with your kid. That part thats "supposed" to be there.
> ...


Have you tried to fill the void with other things? Dated anyone yet? Anger is okay, vulnerability is important, but life goes on, and you are single guy, still with plenty of youth, a healthy child and without the restraints of a cheating spouse. Go have some fun Shoo, it's never always good, but don't forget the good parts too.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Shoo your D will go through a period where you may feel she would rather be with her friends. That will pass. There is a unique bond with girls and their dads. My ex's dad was not around much when she grew up but when she was 12 she had her hair cut. He called her a $%^^^$ and she did not speak to him for years. When we met she told me about it and said it did not bother her any more. I looked in her eyes and knew it did. She was 32 when we met.

About the time you think she wants to break free, she will come around. You are an important part of her life. Who else will meet her first 'true boyfriend' and be cleaning your rifle 'just when he walks in'?


----------



## ExisaWAW (Mar 5, 2013)

I'm with ya Shoo. The time that's been taken away from me watching/ helping my kids grow up can never be replaced. Who knows how their lives may have ended up better or more enriched if they would have grown up with both parents in a loving home. 

My xW continues to pursue her selfish activities. She just contacted me to switch an upcoming weekend (her bday wknd) so she could go out of town w/ her BF. Wow, we have been together as a family for all her bdays since the kids were born. I used to think it was special for all of us to share our bdays together. She would rather not be with her girls. I really don't know this woman anymore. Maybe I never did. I agreed to the switch for her on one condition. That she switch with me next month so I CAN have my bday with our girls. She agreed & my asking it that way had no effect on her at all. Wow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You could be wrong! I was never closer to my dad than when I was ages 14 to 19.


----------

