# Is the grass really greener?



## DelysiaLafosse (Oct 12, 2011)

Background info to start....My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for almost 10, we both work full-time and have two young children at home years and 16 months. I grew up in a home with married parents and he with divorced parents and a dysfunctional relationship with his dad (abuser). 

Our relationship from the beginning was very intense and we both said we "knew" we wanted to be together forever within a short couple of months. However, after the inital romance colled, we went on and off for several years. We moved in together shortly because it seemed financially smart after I graduated college and became pregnant within 5 months. We decided to get married and do the "traditional" thing. Looking back I chose to marry him because I didn't want to "fail" and as we both ended up with HSV (from a sexual assault in college)....I never thought I'd find anyone who would want me.... 

Throughout our relationship, he has been the stable, down to earth (albeit boring) partner, while I have endlessly moaned and groaned about the passionless marriage we have and have had my share of EA to cope with the loneliness (he is aware of). We have tried counseling about 3 times, and each time it works for awhile, but then we get stuck back into old habits. We try very hard not to fight in front of our children, but I know our kids see the lack luster way in which we interact--there is never any kissing, nor love shown. 

While, we are both dedicated to being the best parents to our children and do not want to "give up".....he said himself that he thinks I just don't like him. And it's true to a point. I love him for the father he is, but he is not the mate I imagined spending my life with. We share very little in common and while in the beginning it was fun learning about his "hobbies"...I no longer care and tune myself out. I feel that most days he deserves better than me, but I have no interest in finding a new spouse as I don't believe the "grass is greener." I no longer am attracted to him but go along with intimacy to make him happy. I feel dead inside most days and see no way out as it is no longer my life that is important, it's my kids. On the same token, I know that these kids will use us as the model for their marriage...and I don't want them to sacrifice their happiness....

I used to be very religious, and still have that "divorce is bad" mentality unless under serious situations. We are not financially able to live separately...we can barely cut it together...anyone else in the same boat? Just interested in book suggestions or do we do counseling. 

Honestly from reading this and our discussion----we know what is probably best, we just don't want to admit it to ourselves. 

Anyone have good luck with living together while being separated?? 

Sigh....


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