# Is life without sex possible?



## mirmex (Jan 15, 2010)

Elsewhere in other threads I have explained my personal problems, but here I would like to raise a more general question: 

- Consider you do have sexual desire;
- Consider you cannot satisfy your sexual desire with your husband/wife (many forum participants claim they do not get sex from their partners, in my case I have reached to the point where I no longer want sex with her because of persistent refusal during a long period of time);

- Question A: is life without sex possible?
- Question B: is it feasible/reasonable to keep the marriage alive?
- Question C: can you indeed call marriage a relationship without sex?

Your views, please


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## LuckyCharmH (Jan 4, 2010)

of course to all A,B,C

life and love is not able XXX
it is about the feeling with being with someone that you care about.


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

My H and I separated about a month ago-we've had sex maybe 3 times, and I mean, it's rough. That was the one thing I cherished (and he did, too) and now it's practically gone, and I miss it very much.
I guess you could say yes to these, but you'd be missing out on a beautiful part of marriage.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

It is not about sex - it is about love. So ask yourself this instead: Am I willing to stay married to someone who does not love me in the truest sense of the word. 

And over time - sex isn't about lust - because even for people who stay fit - lust fades a decent amount over a long marriage. 

Last night I came home from being away 2 weeks on business. My wife had a really rough time (our eldest child did some really bad stuff while I was gone) during my trip. I tried to be as supportive and kind over the phone as I could while I was away. 

I get in last night - and I am physically craving her. She seems a bit uncomfortable though so I ask and it turns out she has this inflammation thing going on - combination of menopause and stress. So she is feeling zero lust. And I look her in the eye and say "babe - I know you are uncomfortable - I can chill for a few days or I can take care of myself in the bathroom (note: I never do that - like literally once in the last 3 years - I save all my energy for her). 

I am thinking - she is depressed about daughter - and she has a painful inflammation. No way are my needs more important than hers. 

She just smiles and says I want to please you a different way - and I WANT to ok - so just lay back on the bed and let me have my way with you. And I did so she could. 

But if you think about what happened - we BOTH put the other first. Completely. And if I had sensed that she was acting out of a sense of obligation I would have pretended to be too jet-lagged to perform. But if she had acted indifferent to my needs - after 2 weeks - I would have been hurt. And if that was her normal mode of behavior - it just wouldn't fly. 

A wife who is indifferent to her husbands intense sexual frustration, feelings of rejection, and loss of self esteem, is a very bad wife. 



mirmex said:


> Elsewhere in other threads I have explained my personal problems, but here I would like to raise a more general question:
> 
> - Consider you do have sexual desire;
> - Consider you cannot satisfy your sexual desire with your husband/wife (many forum participants claim they do not get sex from their partners, in my case I have reached to the point where I no longer want sex with her because of persistent refusal during a long period of time);
> ...


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

Yes to all three questions in my case. I'm in a busted relationship but we decided to stay together for our child. It's difficult sometimes but it works. I think our final acceptance that we no longer desired each other on any level was a huge relief for both my gf and myself. Of course, I miss a woman's warmth but I have discovered I have a great imagination


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## keefer (Jan 27, 2010)

A. I guess so, but why you would want it.
B. Only if you think you can put the lack of sex away. If not, it will eventually erode away the good parts of the relationship.
C. I would not call it a marriage. I would call it a platonic relationship.


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## mirmex (Jan 15, 2010)

keefer said:


> A. I guess so, but why you would want it.
> B. Only if you think you can put the lack of sex away. If not, it will eventually erode away the good parts of the relationship.
> C. I would not call it a marriage. I would call it a platonic relationship.


I think I'd agree with keefer, and also with star. I just wonder what changed inside myself that make this lack unbearable after ten years of really low level of sex. But ok, I said this was a survey, so I'll not comeback to my personal issue. 

I'd like to make an additional question. Suppose you cannot bear the lack of sex. What would you do:
a) you would quit your husband/wife so as to be able to have a new relationship without cheating.
b) you would cheat, so you could keep the rest of thing associated to your marriage (way of life, kids, etc.)

This is maybe the biggest dilemma I have right now, although I am postponing to give myself an answer...


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

could i live without it........yes
can i live happily without it.........no


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

I think it's possible but I think both people have to want it. I think it ceases to be a marriage once a spouse is denying sex to that extent. It may be a marriage on paper but you're nothing more then roommates at that point. 

The Christian in me says that you should stay married despite being in a sexless relationship, particularly if you have kids provided you have a good relationship and get along otherwise. Breaking up a home can be devastating. 

So I think it is possible if you have incredible restraint and will power but it's horrible IMO that some women think this is okay and somehow men end up being monsters for wanting to be sexual.

And I know a lot of people will disagree but I think it's BS that the man shouldn't be entitled to go out and have some sex on the side as long as he's being discreet and safe about it if he is in a sexless marriage. Quite frankly I think the act of a wife denying sex completely is far worse then a husband cheating. Of course that's not how it would play out if you were found out. I'm not saying that cheating is at all the right thing to do, no sex just doesn't seem right...


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Star said:


> Mike1, If the man is entitled to go out and have sex on the side, then the woman should also be aloud to as well, not just a one way street.


Absolutely! I should have said if a spouse is denying their partner sex completely then the person wanting sex should be entitled to take care of those needs elsewhere.  Man or woman, both ways for sure!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i gotta say i disagree with that. divorce then have at it, if the spouse withholding sex or with zero libido cannot see the need to seek serious help either mentally and/or medically, then i cannot see how the marriage can be the least bit healthy.

of course that doesnt include the scenario where neither spouse wants sex, i gotta believe thats fairly rare.


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## Bluemoon1 (Mar 29, 2012)

If you are talking about a relationship, i.e a marriage or equivalent I would say not really, but we all have other relationships were sex does not even come in to it


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

This is a thread back from the grave.

I don't think there is an answer to this question

Marriage without sex is possible if both parties are content with that arrangement.

If not, there is almost certainly going to be a problem. I still marvel at the spouses who convince themselves otherwise. If sex is so easily dispensed with so is absolutely everything else about the marriage. 

Like the OP my marriage started out as a sexual problem but now it has morphed into something much bigger and it is very hard and perhaps impossible to undo the damage a few years down the road.


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## nameuser (Mar 30, 2012)

mirmex said:


> - Question A: is life without sex possible?


For women: Yes.

For men: No.


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

Yes. But it takes so much joy out of it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i dont think there is an answer...everyone has a different views and opinions and reasons why their marriage is sexless.

can you "live" without sex...its wont phsically kill you....but life would not be as great...

as a woman...no, i cannot live without sex, and sex acts. i personally need it in my life.

would i divorce my husband for lack of sex...more than likely...
would my husband divorce me for lack for sex...in a mili-second..

a marriage without sex, is nothing more than a great friendship, or rommies...


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

I am in a sexless marriage and it is fine with me. I would definitely not get divorced due to lack of sex as I am emotionally very happy in my relationship and get all the intimacy I need/require even without sex.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Of course its possible. What a dumb question. (NO OFFENSE.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Yes,
Yes. 
& Yes.
There are lots of ways to get your sexual release other than marital sex.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Sure you can, if you really want to. Of course, you can also live on a diet of bland food and water. But why would you want to?

Ther has been a number of studies showing that sex has a number of benefits besides the obvious "feels f'ing good".
Health Benefits of the Male Orgasm

Personally, the way I see it... It's free, low calorie, and it feels great. Plus it provides numerous relationship benefits if it's there, and has many negative relationship impacts if it's not. So why wouldn't you?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Yes, life will go on without sex. However, it will not be a good life. My husband and I would live in misery without making love to each other.

My drive is higher then his at this moment of time. Making love is an absolute blessing.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

MEM If this is too intrusive please don't answer. I am imaging myself in your wife's place and what i would do. My husband would be like you after two weeks. I don't think he has gone two weeks without for tge entirity of our marriage. I think i would want to give a bj or hj or caress him while he masturbated. If your wife did that what would you feel and how would you respond?.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I think it really depends on why there's no sex. Is it due to an accident or illness that prevents the partners from having sex? If so, would that be reason in itself to end the marriage? For me, no. Would it give me license to go find someone else just for a sexual outlet? No. OTOH, STBXH told me years ago that he felt that if the above scenario happened, he thought it let him out of the 'forsaking all others' part of the vows because I would not be able to fulfill that part of the contract. Since sex is just one facet of many that make up a love relationship as far as I'm concerned, but one that I take VERY seriously in terms of exclusivity, his statement always laid there in the back of my mind. I could never feel totally secure, knowing that he'd 'jump ship' so to speak even if it meant that I wouldn't be able to have sex, either. We wouldn't be making the sacrifice together and finding another way to express intimacy together. I could envision myself paralyzed, watching him walk out the door to go 'have his needs met,' waving bravely. :tool:
I guess I feel like, if everything else goes out the window if I'm no longer able to f- him, well, then, F HIM!

So, to answer your question, Yes, I think you can have a marriage without sex. Just as you can have sex and a sh!tty marriage.


ETA: And this marks my 200th post on this forum! :yawn2:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

For me as a woman, no, I could not live without sex.

I mean, I COULD, but why would I want to?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

nameuser said:


> For women: Yes.
> 
> For men: No.


You know the wrong women


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

To steal a line from one of my favorite movies, life without sex "is possible, but not recommended."


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

mirmex said:


> Elsewhere in other threads I have explained my personal problems, but here I would like to raise a more general question:
> 
> - Consider you do have sexual desire;
> - Consider you cannot satisfy your sexual desire with your husband/wife (many forum participants claim they do not get sex from their partners, in my case I have reached to the point where I no longer want sex with her because of persistent refusal during a long period of time);
> ...


A. No. I become very moody and grumpy when I do not have enough sex and that would keep others away. Humans need some sort of human interaction. 

B.My husband already knows that I will not stay in a sexless marriage. It is too important to me to give up. 

C. A marriage that has not been consummated can be annulled, because of what sex signifies in a marriage. A spouse who won't have sex is a roommate.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

PBear said:


> Personally, the way I see it... It's free, low calorie, and it feels great.....So why wouldn't you?C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No my friend, sex is *NEVER* free, not for men anyway. There is *ALWAYS* a price to be paid.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Mr B said:


> No my friend, sex is *NEVER* free, not for men anyway. There is *ALWAYS* a price to be paid.


We all do things for selfish reasons. Even the most anonymous act of kindness is done because it makes us feel good to have done it, even if nobody else knows about it. So in terms of sex, if you're implying my GF has a price for providing me with sex, that there's something I provide her in exchange, it's a price I'm gladly and unknowingly paying. 

Perhaps you hang out with the wrong women? My GF has a sex drive as high as my own. Whether that stays, who knows. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Women pay an emotional price for sex. There are too many men out there who take pleasure in using females for sex, callously walking away as soon as they get what they want. 

It is sad because by the time a wounded woman meets a decent man, she is too bruised and cynical to trust anyone with a d!ck again. 

Men often change for the worse after they get a woman to sleep with them, _*no matter how long the woman holds off*_. This has been my experience.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

HA! Sex is free in our house. Flowin' like honey


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Mr B said:


> No my friend, sex is *NEVER* free, not for men anyway. There is *ALWAYS* a price to be paid.


Where do you meet these women?

What standards do you have for the women you date?

Using absolutes just shows pain from experience...it's hardly ever right to use "never" and "always".


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

My husband does not have to pay for sex. Unlike many women, I do not require constant wooing or "meeting emotional needs" to be intimate with my man. It is simple: I have a high drive and lovemaking is one way I scream "I love you!" to my husband. Even when we are arguing, we still enjoy each other in bed. Life is too short.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Whether you pay cash or spend months wooing her and jumping through hoops you are paying, Even if you are madly in love with her that in itself is currency. If you are a husband you have to keep her happy, remain sexually monogamous, whether you feel like it or not..... if you want sex.

But what about if a guy just wants sex? He doesn't want to "get to know her" first, he doesn't want to buy her dinner or chat her up. Even if this is the case, if he is very good looking that in itself is a payment because he turns her on. 

If he just wants some sex and then thanks and goodbye, he is not all that good looking, in other words he has no "currency" to give her then he is out of luck.

There is no such thing as free sex. Like I said you always pay for it one way or another.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

I guess we all "pay" for sex in someway or another. If you want a good time with no attachments then it will cost you in dollars. 

In a marriage there is give and take, but it's not a steep price to pay because husband and wife share love and a bond that's deeper than friendship. 

And if my husband came at me saying he just wanted sex, didn't care what I thought one way or another....than he can pack his trash bags(cuz he ain't gettin the suitcase) and go pay for his wh0re. 

The "price" we have to pay is 
1.). Respect

2.) compassion 

3.) love

4.) understanding 

Two people got married because of love and the fact you actually liked this other person soooo much, you just had to be around them day and night.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Mr B said:


> Whether you pay cash or spend months wooing her and jumping through hoops you are paying, Even if you are madly in love with her that in itself is currency. If you are a husband you have to keep her happy, remain sexually monogamous, whether you feel like it or not..... if you want sex.
> 
> But what about if a guy just wants sex? He doesn't want to "get to know her" first, he doesn't want to buy her dinner or chat her up. Even if this is the case, if he is very good looking that in itself is a payment because he turns her on.
> 
> ...


You view sex as something you want because it satisfies your need for an orgasm. You resent having to "pay" to use a woman bits for your orgasm? They are worth nothing to you and should cost you nothing? Have I got that right? 

You can get an orgasm at no cost you know. Masturbate. I am surprised you didn't think of that yourself. :scratchhead:

All adult human relationships involve an exchange of satisfactions. Even relationships with domestic animals cost something to enjoy their loyalty. 

In fact, almost every transaction involving adults that satisfy a need or want involves an exchange. When it is a want, the exchange is voluntary. If it is a need and vital for survival and well being, the exchange is compulsory. 

People do try to skirt the exchange. Bank robbers comes to mind. 

I think your idea of sex with a partner has gotten confused? Don't you think women have wants equal to yours? Don't you think that they have a choice as to the circumstances under which they have their wants satisfied? 

You want the same I am sure. No one begrudges you the ownership of your bits, right. 

If you think about it, there are few things in the universe that are free. Air, sun, water comes to mind. But when your want or need is separated from you by a human, you need currency. 

That is the natural order of human existence. Partnered sex does not fall out of the natural laws of existence.

Actually, I can think of a way that you can suspend the natural laws. Dreams.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

You spend your whole post putting words in my mouth and erroneously believing I am talking about my own personal experience instead of just giving an opinion on the way of the world. I am not saying having to pay for sex is good or bad, right or wrong, it's just a fact of life. But then, at the end, you back up my conclusion perfectly, I couldn't have expressed it better myself.



Catherine602 said:


> If you think about it, there are few things in the universe that are free. Air, sun, water comes to mind. But when your want or need is separated from you by a human, you need currency.
> 
> That is the natural order of human existence. Partnered sex does not fall out the natural laws of existence.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

MrB
What you express here is the message women get about what men want. It is expressed so frequently. How do you think this plays out in relationships. 

Would it not be natural for women to get it - some men resent having to jump through hoops to get an orgasm from them? The hoops happen to be a very common needs for most women. They want sex without being bothered by the "gatekeeper". 

Do you think that that attitude contributes to the disconnect in marital sexual relationships. 

Many post about men not getting their sexual needs met. I wonder if these are the men you describe? 

If it is and they are unwilling to see the folly of wanting something for nothing then they pay the price. No sex. 

You're right, it does cost.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I think you can live your whole like without partnered sex. I am certain many people do. The quality of their life depends on weather it is a choice or an imposition. 

I think being married and not having sex with one's chosen partner is a miserable way to live. 

It could be an even exchange nonetheless. It may be that neither of them are meeting the needs of the other.


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## nameuser (Mar 30, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> *I think you can live your whole like without partnered sex. I am certain many people do.* The quality of their life depends on weather it is a choice or an imposition.
> 
> I think being married and not having sex with one's chosen partner is a miserable way to live.
> 
> It could be an even exchange nonetheless. It may be that neither of them are meeting the needs of the other.


Especcially women.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

*Cut it out.*

Nameuser, as a woman who loves sex, I find your posts very demeaning and insulting. 

Maybe your attitude is the reason you don't get any!


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> A wife who is indifferent to her husbands intense sexual frustration, feelings of rejection, and loss of self esteem, is a very bad wife.


:iagree:

Nail on the head!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Same with a husband who just wants sex and gives nothing to the relationship. very bad husband. Unless he leaves some cash. I kid.

But it works both ways.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

mirmex said:


> - Question A: is life without sex possible?


Certainly it's possible. Monks and Nuns both manage. Monks cope by removing themselves from all external stimuli whatsoever and eating foods high in estrogenic compounds. 



mirmex said:


> - Question B: is it feasible/reasonable to keep the marriage alive?
> - Question C: can you indeed call marriage a relationship without sex?


Traditional marriage involves a solemn vow of sexual exclusivity. Marriage is therefore inherently a *sexual arrangement.*


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

Actually to the original question, my response is yes BUT WHY?


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Same with a husband who just wants sex and gives nothing to the relationship. very bad husband. Unless he leaves some cash. I kid.
> 
> But it works both ways.


Yeah bottom line is that a healthy marriage works both directions.

Ideally each person loves the other the way they need to be loved w/o hurting themselves in the process.

As for the main topic, life w/o sex is possible of course. It's no life I'd want to live.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I guess I just take issue with, and am saddened by the notion that husbands have to *pay* for sex, in whatever form of currency you want to propose.


Yeah, but it's easy to see how men get that idea. When sex is important enough to you to do things that you truly don't like to get it (Dancing would be a good example for me) it's hard not to look at it metaphorically. 

Maybe "Lubricating the machinery" is a better metaphor than "Payment," but still.....


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> If you've read any of my posts you know that I take real issue with wives (and husbands) who play that game. There's no excuse for it.
> 
> I guess because I'm a SAHM I don't have the housework issue; it's always clean. I knew my dh wasn't a talker when I married him, so I guess I never expected him to change after...I don't know...seems like an overcomplicated dance to me.


Right. I think the instruction manual says insert, thrust, repeat as necessary. :rofl: 

Guys in general are not conversation magnets. That's what you have girlfriends for. Having said that, I am not much of one either but I do try to be the attentive and talkative guy as much as I can stand. If a few conversations = an interested wife, then you bet I'm on board.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> When in the h*ll does a man ever read an instruction manual? :rofl:
> 
> See my new thread over in Social Spot.


That's why we hump legs. If it wasn't "built in", we wouldn't know what to do at all. :rofl:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I have learned to NOT read directions. It makes things SO MUCH MORE exciting when putting things together...


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

that_girl said:


> I have learned to NOT read directions. It makes things SO MUCH MORE exciting when putting things together...


Johnny ****ring say "if it fits, then don't quit"...maybe that belongs on a bad joke thread


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

That table named Engo isn't supposed to have 3 legs of different lengths you know.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Did a little research/reading and apparently about twenty percent of couples are in a sexless marriage.
> 
> That seems high to me. Does it to anyone else?


Hard to know. When my spouse brings up other "more sexless" couples and compares to us, I really don't care about anyone else. It's not about them, its about us. I hate that BTW, can you tell? 

I bet sexual dissatisfaction in marriage is AT LEAST 20 percent. I'd bet its much higher, say roughly where the divorce line sits. If sex isn't going right in the marriage, chances are other things aren't too. Not saying one causes the other, just that they would seem to be natural bedfellows.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Well, it's like airplane says, getting people to be honest about it is tough.
> 
> That is really strange that your wife throws that in your face. Is she trying to justify it? You're right; she should only care about making sure your boat is rocked, not about other couples.


Not strange but its supposed to justify AND make me feel better in one convenient package. Does about as much to make me feel better as the "lets hurry up and get this over with because you know how you get". :scratchhead:


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> That's not cool.
> 
> You can totally tell me to flake off if this is too nosy but I thought things were getting better for you?


It's like floating in the ocean or riding a marry go round. Some days up, some days down, coming back full circle like clockwork. Still waiting for the breakthrough, still hoping, still frustrated, etc. Things go good for a couple days, then things go bad. The "I'm going to take care of my man" attitude lasted about 5 days. Things settled back to what I'm used to. It is a stressful time of year in her job. In the past I've been very sympathetic, but things never change when things aren't stressful at work. After about 5 yrs of withering, I'm out of patience. ATM, I'm feeling pretty hopeless, tired of fighting the war, just plain tired of the quagmire.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I'm so sorry; that just s*cks.
> 
> You can always come here to vent and know we're listening.
> 
> I really, seriously hope she wakes up and pulls her head out.


Thanks for that. I do hope too.

Unfortunately, I bet she would say the same thing about me. I need to pull my head out, but I digress. 

Jumping off my personal :soapbox: for today...woo-sah, woo-sah.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Did a little research/reading and apparently about twenty percent of couples are in a sexless marriage.
> 
> That seems high to me. Does it to anyone else?



I'd say it's low by half.


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## Mom_In-Love (Mar 18, 2012)

mirmex said:


> Elsewhere in other threads I have explained my personal problems, but here I would like to raise a more general question:
> 
> - Consider you do have sexual desire;
> - Consider you cannot satisfy your sexual desire with your husband/wife (many forum participants claim they do not get sex from their partners, in my case I have reached to the point where I no longer want sex with her because of persistent refusal during a long period of time);
> ...


YES to all your questions.

My husband means the world to me. We gave each other our lives for gods sake. Life is so much more than sex.


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Did a little research/reading and apparently about twenty percent of couples are in a sexless marriage.
> 
> That seems high to me. Does it to anyone else?


I have no scientific proof but my gut tells me 20% is lower than what the reality of married life is for many couples.
Although maybe not the majority of marriages, it is definitely not completely abnormal to be a sexless marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cyrus (Apr 5, 2012)

Well, this is my first post, and I'll just add my wife and I haven't had sex in about a year and a half. So yes, life without sex is possible. After a while, you train yourself not to miss it.


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## AllThePrettyHorses (Mar 23, 2012)

No, life without sex for people who want and enjoy sex is not possible.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

AllThePrettyHorses said:


> No, life without sex for people who want and enjoy sex is not possible.


You're kidding right? Have you been reading the posts here? Or go over to The Experience Project's Group "I live in a Sexless Marriage" and read the thousands of posts there. There are millions of people who love sex but who live in sexless marriages and not just spouses who have been refused sex by their partner also those who refuse- people who love sex just not with their husband or wife (for various reasons) there are also a good number of people for whom physical and psychological difficulties and the difficulties that come with old age prevent them from having sex in their marriages.

Some may stray but most don't, they cannot in good conscience break up a family over the lack of sex so they stay on, year after year, doing the best they can, often until the end of their lives.

It may not be a sexually happy life but it is far from impossible.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

Mr B said:


> You're kidding right? Have you been reading the posts here? Or go over to The Experience Project's Group "I live in a Sexless Marriage" and read the thousands of posts there. There are millions of people who love sex but who live in sexless marriages and not just spouses who have been refused sex by their partner also those who refuse- people who love sex just not with their husband or wife (for various reasons) there are also a good number of people for whom physical and psychological difficulties and the difficulties that come with old age prevent them from having sex in their marriages.
> 
> Some may stray but most don't, they cannot in good conscience break up a family over the lack of sex so they stay on, year after year, doing the best they can, often until the end of their lives.
> 
> It may not be a sexually happy life but it is far from impossible.


Possible yes, happy no. It's one thing to be older and have a medical condition that prevents you from fully participating. It's another to be young and just give up on meeting your partners needs. Even if you can't rise or similar, you can still have a full intimate life with your partner to the best of your ability. If that happens in my relationship in old age so be it. What I won't accept is being in my 30's and having a partner not willing to have sex because it isn't a priority to her and meeting my need is also not high on her list either. Apples and oranges as far as I'm concerned.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Mom_In-Love said:


> YES to all your questions.
> 
> My husband means the world to me. We gave each other our lives for gods sake. Life is so much more than sex.


And yet many who do promise to give their lives to the other unilaterally decide to take away sex. Life may be more than sex, but sex is certainly part of life. It is not trivial.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

airplane888 said:


> you can stay and work on the marriage and yourself or you can leave but the one who is refusing needs to know your Not OK with no sex in the relationship !
> 
> airplane


A marriage without sex is possible but a Refused spouse who DOESN'T let the Refuser know they are not OK with no sex in the relationship??...that IS impossible! They will tell the Refuser until they are blue in the face..... and then get online and tell the world.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

With deep respect to you sir, I think you're comparing apples and oranges.


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

I am in a sexless marriage and am living fine and happy. So, for me, life is definitely possible without sex and a happy life is also possible. At the end of the day, to me, sex is just sex..it's no big deal whether I have it or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## agreenleaf95 (Apr 7, 2012)

I can tell you from 15 years of experience. You can have a sexless marriage but it will eventually wear you down emotionally, physically, and psychologically. My husband is not interested in sex. It started right after we got married 15 years ago. Right now we have sex, maybe twice a year, and that is only if I initiate it. We haven't had sex in seven months now. Think really hard about how important sex is to you.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It's whatever it is.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Tall Average Guy said:


> And yet many who do promise to give their lives to the other unilaterally decide to take away sex. Life may be more than sex, but sex is certainly part of life. It is not trivial.


If you're aware of your partner's reasonable needs and you have the ability to meet those needs but you refuse to do so, because you just don't feel like, you can't honestly say you love your spouse. If my wife were freezing and I was carrying around a coat but wouldn't give it to her because I didn't agree it was chilly, how would that be love? That's called cruelty. If I didn't feed my kids because I wasn't hungry, nobody would call that love. They'd call that child neglect and abuse.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

People managed to survive in the Hanoi Hilton and in Dachau. Humans are capable of adapting to the most hellish of environments.


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## Westcoastman (Apr 14, 2012)

mirmex said:


> Elsewhere in other threads I have explained my personal problems, but here I would like to raise a more general question:
> 
> - Consider you do have sexual desire;
> - Consider you cannot satisfy your sexual desire with your husband/wife (many forum participants claim they do not get sex from their partners, in my case I have reached to the point where I no longer want sex with her because of persistent refusal during a long period of time);
> ...


The answer to all of your questions is yes.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> People managed to survive in the Hanoi Hilton and in Dachau. Humans are capable of adapting to the most hellish of environments.


One doesn't marry to survive, you marry to live. As far as I'm concerned, a marriage without a good intimate life is not living, its surviving the hanoi hilton. The difference being, you can walk out of a marriage stuck permanently in survival mode and YOU SHOULD!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I think the question is really:

Would one be willing to live without sex? 

Everyone CAN live without sex -- it's simply not the same as air, food, or water. No matter how much it adds to quality of life, it's not strictly necessary to keep the organism alive.

So, a spouse denies sex, but the other doesn't want to divorce for whatever varied reasons. Rather than do without sex, he or she would go to a bar and pick someone up, risking whatever diseases and drama they might pick up, too? He or she would enter into an affair with someone, adding betrayal to the mix -- possibly involving the marriage of an affair partner, too?

It's about priorities, nothing more. Aside from a little fooling around in college, I was a virgin til I was engaged -- at 32. I lived until then. I had a pretty high sex drive, but my life up til then didn't allow for a sexual relationship. I loved sex with my STBXH, but since we split, it's been almost 15 months without sex for me. I'm sure I could 'get some' if I wanted, but I don't want just any old sexual experience. 

My life has hardly dried up in these last 15 months. In fact, I can say I've bloomed more than in any other time in my life -- probably *because* I was alone and unattached. When I am sexually active again, it will be healthy and for the right reasons. In my mind, that's more 'life-affirming' than generic sex.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

As the veteran of a 25 year sexless marriage sex to me is like a Ferrari. I dream about owning one and fantasize about what it would be like to drive one....but in reality, it isn't going to happen. As long as you don't torture yourself by believing sex is some kind of right we all share (if it was it would be far easier to go out and get) rather than just being a matter of luck, you can survive a long term sexless marriage.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

A. Yes it is, but not if you're in a relationship and you have a normal / high sex drive.

B. Not if it starts to impact on your mental / physical well-being.

C. Yes, it's a relationship, but a platonic one.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

angelpixie said:


> i think the question is really:
> 
> Would one be willing to live without sex?
> 
> ...


(like) (like) (like)


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Interesting perspective, but not entirely applicable to human beings in general

Without *some* form of sexual release, even if it's only masturbation, men will suffer health problems severe enough to require medical attention. --Been there, done that. 




angelpixie said:


> I think the question is really:
> 
> Would one be willing to live without sex?
> 
> ...


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

True (for men, at least -- not sure about women). I was assuming that the thread was about partnered sex, not basic sexual release. That's what I was referring to. Not as much emotional involvement in masturbation, LOL.


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