# Tips for boosting self esteem.



## DesperateHousewife007 (Oct 13, 2016)

If you read my other post, then you know I need to work on myself in order to fix my sex life. So here I am, looking for more advice! Due to all the other issues that have been dragging on for so long, my self esteem is not good at all anymore. I need some ideas to send me in the right direction of loving myself and appreciating my appearance. I really want to join a gym in the near future and get in shape. I know that will help a ton. But other than that, what else could I do?


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

I lost 40 pounds and gained 40 self-confidence points by simply paying attention to the foods I eat and the quantity eaten... never changed another thing although I need to work at being more active now that the weight alignment is in motion. If you are in the proper weight window already, cutting the junk will begin a healthy chemical change for the mind... garbage in, garbage out.

The body has to be congruent with the mind... learn "yourself" (acceptance .vs expectations). When you realize the control you have over these, your self-esteem will find unbelievable growth if you take the time. 

Seriously... learn to trust "you" and let no one take that from you.

Eat light and healthy, introduce calm into your life through meditation, learn to breath deeply, and find the best in ANY stressful situation (there is always something to learn), life is worth taking an interest in.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Buy clothes that fit well and clean out your closet every so often. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Buy clothes that fit well and clean out your closet every so often.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk



Guy here. 

Agree. Dress better. Dress hotter. Work out. Your H will think you are getting ready to leave and then make sure you have an O every time. 

And if he doesn't, follow through and leave. This is more than just about sex. 

You deserve better and there are tons of guys who will treat you much better. 

Believe it or not, you are in high demand.


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## DesperateHousewife007 (Oct 13, 2016)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> I lost 40 pounds and gained 40 self-confidence points by simply paying attention to the foods I eat and the quantity eaten... never changed another thing although I need to work at being more active now that the weight alignment is in motion. If you are in the proper weight window already, cutting the junk will begin a healthy chemical change for the mind... garbage in, garbage out.
> 
> The body has to be congruent with the mind... learn "yourself" (acceptance .vs expectations). When you realize the control you have over these, your self-esteem will find unbelievable growth if you take the time.
> 
> ...


That is awesome! I was very overweight after my pregnancy and luckily I was able to stick with a healthier lifestyle and lost 60 pounds. My total weight gain was right around 75 pounds and I have been stuck trying to get that last 15 off for a while now. I think the gym would help with that.


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## DesperateHousewife007 (Oct 13, 2016)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Buy clothes that fit well and clean out your closet every so often.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


I am not a very stylish person. I have always been more of the jeans and t-shirt type. Dressing nice for my body type is something I definitely need to work on! :laugh:


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

DesperateHousewife007 said:


> I have always been more of the jeans and t-shirt type.


You can even make that work. Get good jeans that fit your figure. Do not wear "mom" jeans. T-shirts can be sexy, but don't wear the one from the gift shop at the grand canyon trip from years ago. Again, get ones that fit your figure, not baggy sacks.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I'd like to expound on working out. I got a trainer to help me for the first twenty sessions. I was gung ho and KNEW that meant I was at risk of pulling something out of wack, having done it before. I'd been too enthused pulled some muscles in my back trying to prove I could look fantastic in ten workouts or less.

Dang, not only did I shed 30 pounds, but I built muscle and felt great.

The one thing that was the best added benefit: the high. I tried to use free weights as much as possible. I would do my reps, then jump on the treadmill for a three-minute wind sprint. My trainer made it so I combined weight lifting with light cardio.

It wasn't that I looked much better that helped; it was actually the elevated mood and sense of relaxation that kept me going to the gym. All I can tell you is, I went to build my self esteem by getting in shape, but the side benefits trumped that. Never felt better in my entire life.

Go for it and love doing it!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If you want to feel better about yourself, do something that makes you feel happy / proud. Run, learn to ride a motorcycle, or a new language, or a musical instrument. Do something that you enjoy and that is a really challenge.

If you want to be more attractive - smile. It makes more difference than anything else. There is a woman working at a nearby Starbucks. I've thought she was very attractive, but couldn't pin down why. I recently realized that she smiles at me when I show up - not a forced / fake smile, but what looks like a legitimate glad-to-see-me smile.


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

I hope you still remember me. I have seen your previous post. I dont think you need boosters for your self esteem at all. Coming to the point about your sex life with your husband, DO NOT allow him to touch you for few days unless and until he satisfy your desires.

Its really worth trying. I have also given you a suggestion in your pm. Have you checked that out ?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

DesperateHousewife007 said:


> I am not a very stylish person. I have always been more of the jeans and t-shirt type. Dressing nice for my body type is something I definitely need to work on! :laugh:


To be honest if you really have low self esteem it won't make any difference. You could look like a model on a catwalk and still have doubts that you are 'good enough'. 

The only lasting way to improve self esteem is positive self talk and always challenging negative internal dialogue. Over time this will work but you have to stick with it and not get distracted by day to day struggles. People with low self esteem will always need other people to prop them up and give them reassurance that they are likable, lovable, attractive. The problem with this is that even our nearest and dearest are unreliable and their efforts to make us feel good about ourselves are short lived, flawed and sometimes not trustworthy. It is much better if we can be self reliant, where we can tell ourselves are more than good enough, and be self forgiving when we get things wrong. Whenever you feel bad about yourself imagine you are supporting a really good, best friend who you care about deeply. Be your own best friend. 

Then go out and get some new clothes to reward yourself for just being an all round awesome human being. :grin2:


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

DesperateHousewife007 said:


> I am not a very stylish person. I have always been more of the jeans and t-shirt type. Dressing nice for my body type is something I definitely need to work on! :laugh:


As a man, I think this is important. This is certainly the advice I give other men in a similar situation. Improve your grooming as needed. Improve your wardrobe. Instead of wearing the comfortable jeans and t-shirt, try to wear nicer slacks and a button down shirt much more often. Replace worn out shoes. Get a decent hair cut. Do these things to please yourself, not in a way you think makes your spouse like you more. Bumming around in old clothes is for working in the yard, not for every day. When you do wear jeans and a t-shirt, make sure they are nice and stylish, more like you'd wear to a date or work related social event.

Walking is a great exercise. If you have some kind of trail available nearby, utilize that as much as possible rather than sidewalks. Getting out into some form of nature, even if it is just a wooded park, is great for the soul and will give you a good emotional reward for the walk.

Get some ankle weights to wear while walking. Wrist weights, too. These will pump up the workout quite a bit. Go for long walks, and if you can have a conversation while walking you aren't pushing it hard enough. A hilly or uneven trail really adds to the interest and workout. The uneven trail will work your ankle and knee stability as well as your core stability more than just flat sidewalks, so take advantage of the dirt trails when you can.

Drink a bunch more water. If you tend to overeat, drink a glass of water 15 - 30 minutes before meal time. Find a strategy to delay and reduce the sweets. Sweets are my Achilles heal, which I really struggle with. Delaying sweets frequently works, as I tell myself I will delay the snack for ten minutes. Many times, after ten minutes the craving has passed. Try to embrace hunger, meaning when you get that mid morning or mid afternoon hunger, recognize it as being healthy as well as helping you to your goal. We humans attach a negative meaning to the sensation of hunger, so try to reprogram your interpretation of what that hunger means.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

And if you haven't explored gluten free eating, give it a try. Many people have some level of gluten problem, but many don't realize it. Try going gluten free for 3 weeks minimum. See how you feel. Then you can try going back on gluten and see how you feel. If you have an intolerance of some sort, it can sabotage your nutrition and weight badly. In addition, being gluten free means you have to forego many of the pop-up temptations. No more french fries, no more deep fried chicken sandwiches, no more huge plates of pasta at restaurants. No more stopping at Wendy's or Carl's Jr. for a high calorie high fat lunch. Instead you'll have to bring your own healthy lunch or seek out a healthy lunch at a restaurant.

I lost 30 lbs going gluten free.


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## CuriousBlue (Oct 7, 2016)

Go where homeless people sleep on the street. Spend some time there on a bench or walking around. Realize how good you have it (probably). Or volunteer at a soup kitchen. You can usually find someone who has it worse than you and it gives you some perspective on where you are in life.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

DesperateHousewife007 said:


> If you read my other post, then you know I need to work on myself in order to fix my sex life. So here I am, looking for more advice! Due to all the other issues that have been dragging on for so long, my self esteem is not good at all anymore. I need some ideas to send me in the right direction of loving myself and appreciating my appearance. I really want to join a gym in the near future and get in shape. I know that will help a ton. But other than that, what else could I do?


Portion control really helped me, more than anything else.

I will add that you don't have to "join a gym" (which may or may never happen, and which you may or may not ever go to) in order to get in shape. You can start at home doing very simple things that actually make a huge difference. For example, I started out by doing daily pushups and crunches. At first it was literally 1 push-up a day, and then two push-ups a day, and three...I'm up to 17 push-ups, plus my crunches and now I've added squats. The muscles on my 49 year old, 119 pound self are FANTASTIC! The muscles help continue the weight loss, and shape your body, when you get your calories under control and add a little cardio (walking is fine to start with).

I feel like the whole "waiting to join a gym to get in shape" is actually much more self-defeating than just getting started by doing something, anything.

If there is more to your self-esteem issue, you really have to change your mindset. Instead of focusing on the things that make you feel bad about yourself, you have to start focusing on the things that are great about you, whether that's how well you make omelets, how well you parallel park the car, or how brilliant you are financial planning. The other thing is to accomplish something, anything - set a tiny goal for yourself, like, today I will go through all the mail that I've been piling up for the last week, and then do it. You will feel good. Keep doing little things like that until you start feeling good more than you feel bad.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

If you want to boost your self esteem you have to ACT. Stop thinking about doing something and DO it. Nothing boosts your self esteem like success. Break your goals into smaller goals and go out and achieve them. Every little win adds to your self esteem. Do that everyday until it becomes a habit and you are on your way.
Part of the problem is we bite off too much and then when we fail to meet that goal we see ourselves as failures. So, instead of saying I am going to lose 15lbs. Say I am going to lose 2 lbs this week. Then go out and do it. If you fail (we all do and should more often) learn from the experience and use it to get you over the top next time. In fact make a goal to make one mistake every day. One sure way to know you are trying is making mistakes. otherwise you aren't trying hard enough.


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