# problems with the boyfirends 21 yr old daughter



## stacey5735 (Sep 14, 2012)

I have some issues with my live in boyfriends daughter. I have been dating the bf for 6 years now and living together for 4. I have 2 younger kids. 13 and 11 years old. I also have a 27 yr old who lives on her own. His kids are 24,22, 21 and 19. The 24 yr old goes to school, works full time, lives with us until he gets on his feet and is helpful around the house. His 22 yr old and I butted heads when he was living with us as he did not like my rules. But we always seemed to work things out. He has moved out with his girlfriend 2 months ago. The 21 yr old daughter has lived with us, up and moved in with her bf, moved back in with us, up and moved out with a different boyfriend and now has moved back home. She is 21, works 3 jobs, has tons of tickets she pays on due to being irresponsible and always driving without a valid drivers license. She totaled her girlfriends car so is paying $460 a month to pay off her gf's car. Just alot of problems. The 19 yr old works 2 jobs now that college didnt work out for her. And does help somewhat around the house. 
Now the bf and disagree on many things. I believe in charging rent if they are not in school. But he disagrees as he wants them to get caught up in life. Ok, fine. I let his rule go in there. Another thing I do not allow is boyfriends or girlfriends spending the night at my house as I have younger kids. He doesnt agree nor do the 22 yr old who has moved out or the 21 yr old. Well they have still had them sleep over and been confronted but always have an excuse such as they drove me home as I drank too much or what ever it may be. I dont care what the excuse is it cant happen. Well my bf tends to say he will talk to them and doesnt or if he does it happens days later after the cituation and he just say they cant spend the night. My dad would have kicked my butt...... Yesterday my 13 yr old daughter went downstairs to wake up his 21 yr old daughter to get her packer jersey that was borrowed last week as she needed it for school. My daughter comes up and says I think Tom is down there with her. I told my bf that is enough he needs to get out. Well after work, we were all home and I told my bf he needs to talk to his 21 yr old daughter before she leaves. He was talking to her and she was just complaining about everything and I jumped in, which was wrong but I cant stand people saying crap that is not true. It turned into a yelling match where she got up and yelled at me "your a f'ing B--ch" I do not tollerate that and slapped her in the back of the head. Of course my bf says to me dont you ever do that again...... I WILL NOT put up with anyone calling me that in my own home. 
Now, the house is mine, they all moved in with me. Anytime I say this is my house you need to obey my rules my bf as well as his kids say I thought my dad is part of your life. That means its his house too. This 21 yr old daughter of his is the biggest slob, does absolutely nothing to help around the house and does not pay anything to help out. My 2 younger kids do way more then all his kids put together. I do not know what to do. I love my bf to death but can not deal with his kids disrespecting me the way the do. Suggestions?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

If BF won't side with you, time to throw them all out. Otherwise, get used to it.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Well, first, don't hit his kids. Sorry, I don't care that you don't want her calling you a b****, you don't hit them. Keep your hands to yourself.

Honestly, if you two can't agree on ground rules, maybe you need to live separately. That seems like the best way.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Setting boundaries is important with family.

During a calm moment make a statement to your BF what you want.

If he won't allow you to set boundaries with his 21 years old (adult) daughter....then you must choose what you are willing to accept.

He needs to realize how disrepectful she is and support you. 

Of course the head slap could have been a bit harsh but I get it!


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Kick the slob out, if BF whines too much kick him out too. They are NOT going to change.

BTW, i agree with that stuff about not receiving boyfriends/girlfriends in your house. It's your house, not a bordello. If they want to sex up like adults they can get their stuff together and live like adults. That means moving out. 

And although you've lost your temper i think you were pretty cool not to gather her stuff and throw it on the curb immediately. Cuz if you were my mother and i saw that **** i would make her bolt faster than light.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

I am sorry but if you had of smacked me in the back of the head at 21, I would have laid you out. Keep your hands to yourself. You are a grownup after all. She clearly isn't.

I would get all non-functioning adult children out of the house now. You still have children that need an environment that doesn't contain this crap.


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