# Need a quick strategy check!



## ShuttleDIK (Oct 18, 2010)

I'm a recovering 'nice guy' facing a gut check from the wife.

Tonight is poker night. I've been doing well at it & enjoy it. This past weekend was our anniversary and while it was enjoyable, it wasn't the most romantic in the world. Understandable w/ 2 babies & general life craziness. But it was good, though.

So today, via email, she's giving me indicators (devil horns, talk about her underwear, etc.) she wants to be physical. Usually when this happens, it is a pretty sure indicator that.. well.. nothing is going to happen. And after normal weekend, I would just go to poker anyway.

But given that we're still on anniversary week, I'm inclined to skip poker.

What reactions do y'all have?

Thanks!!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Go to poker. She's manipulating you. Go to poker and do her when you get back. If she complains that she was trying to initiate then call her out that she often flirts and leaves you hanging and you're not falling for it anymore.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

If you are too timid to call her out on flirting and leaving you hanging. Just tell her you are going to poker night unless she plans to 'rock your world in bed' for hours that night. In which case you are more than willing to forgo poker for sex. But make her say yes to the sex.

Otherwise, just go to poker night.


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## Liam (Nov 13, 2009)

Are you saying she talks about these kinds of things in a bid to dissuade you from going out, and then doesn't 'deliver'? If so, that's pretty manipulative of her.

Don't enable her to be manipulative. Tell her if she is talking about things being physical, then you want/expect things to be physical. Instead of poker......wait, never mind


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I say go to poker whether she promises sex or not. Don't give up your guy activities just because she offers sex.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Liam said:


> Are you saying she talks about these kinds of things in a bid to dissuade you from going out, and then doesn't 'deliver'? If so, that's pretty manipulative of her.
> 
> Don't enable her to be manipulative. Tell her if she is talking about things being physical, then you want/expect things to be physical. Instead of poker......wait, never mind





WorkingOnMe said:


> I say go to poker whether she promises sex or not. Don't give up your guy activities just because she offers sex.


I concur with both of the above. She is being manipulative and trying to see if she can control you ?? Do go hangout with the boys but be sure you're not too late or that would give her an excuse to back off ?! Please do let us know if she was still willing to give you some " loving " and good luck !


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## ShuttleDIK (Oct 18, 2010)

Thanks for the advice, folks!

If I do go to poker I'll be back WAY too late for 'fun time', unfortunately. That & her NFL game is on...

It's not that I'm timid to calling her out on her BS. Do it all the time. It's just freaking DRAINING & if it pays off at all, it's rare.

I'm thinking just roll out as per usual. Would suck to backslide on either front; manning up OR sharing time.


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

Seriously

If you claim to be a recovering Nice Guy...this is a HUGE opportunity for you

Go to Poker (of course, be polite about it...don't make it look like a calculated "statement")

It'd be a major power play on your part

Because if you skip it and come home...even if you get that promised "action"...you're just gonna come off looking like a whipped puppy dog

(and honestly, if you skip poker for her 'handouts'...that's exactly what you are)


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I went to watch Washington beat Stanford on Thursday. On Friday, my wife woke me up early for sex. Just sayin. If she really wants it then she'll find the time, whether you hang with the guys or not.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

ShuttleDIK said:


> If I do go to poker I'll be back WAY too late for 'fun time', unfortunately. That & her NFL game is on...


Have fun with this, and be direct - tell her you're going to poker, but you're up for a q*ickie before you go.

Agree with the other posters, don't cancel your guy plans for the possibility of scraps.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I don't get it. Too late for fun time, and her NFL game is on? If she's up watching the game then why is it too late for fun? You must be on the East coast. Cause for us the Monday night games end pretty early. Still, if she's awake enough to watch football, she's awake enough to put out.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

ShuttleDIK said:


> Thanks for the advice, folks!
> 
> If I do go to poker* I'll be back WAY too late for 'fun time', *unfortunately. That & her NFL game is on...
> 
> ...


HUH? What time do you get home? Just in time to go to work? And even then I might expect a BJ. Reply to her email, "Ill see you when I get home, if youre not awake you will be shortly." 

QUIT ASKING FOR SEX! TELL HER!


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Have you ever tried to just TAKE her when she is flirty during the day? If so, what was her reaction?


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Especially if you're a recovering nice guy, do not ever cancel plans you already have just to be with her for sex, or anything else not very important. And a clue for you, a "one time" episode of sex just because she wants it is considerably unimportant (especially given she knows you had plans). You do not go running to her and wagging your tail every time she dangles the hooha biscuit in front of you. A whipped dog will do that. A man does not. You are a man and you have commitments. You do not ditch friends or commitments just because a female dangles the hooha biscuit in front of you. That is a big a "test" as you'll ever get. In order to pass it, you must follow through on your already set commitments. A guy who flakes on commitments to friends, family, or himself just to grab the first piece of hoochie that gets dangled in front of him is not worthy of respect of those he made commitments to, or himself. A guy who follows through on his commitments despite being tempted with sex is a guy that has control of his emotions, impulses and desires, and is worthy of trust and respect. And that turns women the hell on. 

You can get "one" piece of tail now, and every once in a while when SHE feels like it, or you can continue on your recovery from being a nice guy, and eventually get plenty of tail from your wife when YOU BOTH feel like it.

When you make them believe (as they do about nearly all men) that YOU need or want it more than THEY do, you've lost the game my man. Until you show then that is NOT THE CASE, you're at a severe disadvantage.

You can steal a hot dog now, possibly, until the next time you're able to sneak another, or you can work at this and have her giving you steak all the time. What sounds better to you?

Personally, I love steak. And I get it A LOT. And it's not because she thinks I want it more than she does.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

donny64 said:


> Especially if you're a recovering nice guy, do not ever cancel plans you already have just to be with her for sex, or anything else not very important. And a clue for you, a "one time" episode of sex just because she wants it is considerably unimportant (especially given she knows you had plans). You do not go running to her and wagging your tail every time she dangles the hooha biscuit in front of you. A whipped dog will do that. A man does not. You are a man and you have commitments. You do not ditch friends or commitments just because a female dangles the hooha biscuit in front of you. That is a big a "test" as you'll ever get. In order to pass it, you must follow through on your already set commitments. A guy who flakes on commitments to friends, family, or himself just to grab the first piece of hoochie that gets dangled in front of him is not worthy of respect of those he made commitments to, or himself. A guy who follows through on his commitments despite being tempted with sex is a guy that has control of his emotions, impulses and desires, and is worthy of trust and respect. And that turns women the hell on.
> 
> You can get "one" piece of tail now, and every once in a while when SHE feels like it, or you can continue on your recovery from being a nice guy, and eventually get plenty of tail from your wife when YOU BOTH feel like it.
> 
> ...


I would argue who the hell wants to play poker over hanging with the wife? Especially if the anniversary was not romantic and life is crazy etc? 

When I have free time the only place I want to be is with the wife and kids!! I'm with guys all day at work........why do I need more of that?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She would choose her NFL game over you? Then, why would you feel the slightest bit guilty of going to your poker game? She has ample opportunities to jump your bones if that is her wish. She chooses to play wife on the one night you have other plans. This is about power and control. You like to gamble? I bet if you stay home, she tosses you crumbs, if you even get that.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> I would argue who the hell wants to play poker over hanging with the wife? Especially if the anniversary was not romantic and life is crazy etc?
> 
> When I have free time the only place I want to be is with the wife and kids!! I'm with guys all day at work........why do I need more of that?


My own belief is everyone needs activities (not just work) outside of the house away from the other spouse (that goes for men and women). At least once a week, each should be out with someone else other than the spouse, or doing something for themselves that doesn't include the spouse (a class, some kind of hobby, haging out with friends, etc). Especially important if someone has fallen into the "nice guy" category, and their wife feels like they are constantly underfoot, or the wife is taking them for granted.

Some "me time" away from the spouse that is fun (again, not work) is a good, very good thing for everyone involved.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Shuttle, 
The 'draining' comment says a lot. It means you expend a lot of emotional energy and words trying to persuade her to change. 

Better to ignore her flirting completely, and when she gets angry or comments just ask her: 'why am I doing that'? 

Don't answer and don't let her play the victim. She knows exactly what she is doing. Sexually teasing your H is emotionally abusive.


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