# For all those who were left behind



## caughtdreaming

If you were left and are headed towards reconciliation now, how did you learn to trust your partner again? 

I guess what I'm asking is, how did you forgive them for leaving you?


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## Janie

The only way to find forgiveness is through understanding & communication.

Both you & your husband need to really understand what caused the initial breakdown and address the changes necessary to fix it (I'm certain this involved many separate issues - go through one by one.)

Both you & your husband need to fully commit to communication - open & honest. This especially includes the small slights that turn into large resentments. If you can reach the point where you *KNOW* your concerns will be heard in your next conversation and you KNOW understanding and negotiation are available to you, much of the marital stress falls away.

Not an easy road you're on. I recently reconciled with my stbx and it lasted less than 4 months. And he and I truly love each other. I hope to read stories of your successes


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## Janie

Just to reiterate --

*COMMUNICATION IS KEY*

Our reconciliation attempts failed because he was upset about a commitment I hadn't yet fulfilled. Assumed I wasn't going to do it, had lied all along, was playing him, etc. This fear/anger grew (without awareness on my part) until the inevitable explosion occurred and lines were crossed that can't be uncrossed.

*COMMUNICATION IS KEY*

Please don't forget this.


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## caughtdreaming

Thanks Janie. Will keep that in mind although I'm not sure if we're even reconciling or not. 

Anyone else care to share? Everyone on this board must be busy reconciling lol.


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## Janie

lol

or fighting...


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## Ten_year_hubby

caughtdreaming said:


> If you were left and are headed towards reconciliation now, how did you learn to trust your partner again?
> 
> I guess what I'm asking is, how did you forgive them for leaving you?


I'm not sure I would equate forgiveness and trust. I pray to be blessed with the ability to forgive. I ask God to lift the burdens from my heart. I read scripture with the intent to understand how I can forgive.

My wife is not big on communication. She is completely unable to share any intimate feeling other than anger. I do the communicating and I do the forgiving. If I'm lucky, she might apologize for something under duress.

However, I am happy as can be. I make my feelings known unambiguously. My kids have the most beautiful joyfulness I have ever seen. Things are getting better


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