# Solution to the sex rejection



## Visual (Apr 12, 2013)

I am think about implementing a 'horny chart' similarly to the 'how hurt are you chart' you see in the hospital. My wife would move an indicator to let me know where she is in that scale. Doing this would eliminate all the guesswork and avoid her rejecting me. I would put this chart magnet to the fridge and she would move this indicator to let me know when she want to have sex. What do you guys think about this?


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Might work. Unless of course your wife is never horny.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

So, you discovered that not many people thought it a good idea to try paying your wife for sex, so now you've moved on to a frig magnet chart? 

Have you considered sitting down with your wife and having an actual adult conversation about this issue?


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## Visual (Apr 12, 2013)

The chart would has two column. One column would indicate my horniness. My indicator would be mostly on the top scale. Someday I would move it down a knot. Someday I would move it up a knot.


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## Visual (Apr 12, 2013)

Rowan, of course I have many times. But she doesn't not gets it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I don't know what the point would be, but I want a chart like that, just because it sounds fun!


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## Visual (Apr 12, 2013)

The whole idea is to eliminate the guesswork and avoid rejection.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

You have read MMSLP and NMMNG and you think your sexless marriage is a result of communication problems? You think your wife is rejecting you because she doesn't understand that you want sex?

Your wife understands that she is withholding sex from you. She understands that she is hurting you. What she doesn't do, and you can't make her do with a chart, or with payments, or with talks, is care.

So, read MMSLP again until you comprehend it. And then drop all this passive aggressive BS about writing her letters and making up charts so that she has a graphical representation of exactly how poorly behaved she is. All that does, in her eyes, is make you less attractive. And that results in even less sex than you're currently getting.

Good luck.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Listen to PHT. Your plan now is no better than your idea of paying her. If you want to try anything, implement the suggestions in the books already mentioned, and go from there. Change YOURSELF, and see if she changes in response. You need to destabilize the situation to establish a new dynamic. A chart isn't going to do that. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Visual (Apr 12, 2013)

I do follow the two books. I changed my sex rank with the weight loss and doing px90 to got in better shape etc. May be my wife only want to have sex 10 times a year. Maybe that is what she wants. 

One thing that really bother me is her rejections. If I can eliminate the rejections, then I think I can l live in a sexless marriage.

All I am trying to accomplish with this chart is to avoid the rejections.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How will this change anything. Most likely, you're always going to be pegged at 9 or 10 on your "horn dog" scale. She'll likely always be on 1 or 2. She already knows you're always horny, and you already know she's not. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Another way to avoid rejection is to never initiate. 

There is one more way, and it's the one I found works wonderfully. You can initiate anytime you want and will hardly ever get rejected. Divorce her and find a woman who is attracted to you, who does care about you, and whose sex drive is roughly matched to yours. YMMV.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

The chart won't help anything. But if you do a good job it might spruce up the fridge. 

Stop being needy--about anything. Get your crap together. Lift weights. Earn money to support your household. Have guy friends. Get enough sleep. Do that for a year. If you don't see results by the end of it tell her you'd rather end your relationship than have a bad relationship. That will make her sit up and pay attention more than a chart.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

Visual said:


> The whole idea is to eliminate the guesswork and avoid rejection.


If you're getting rejected all the time, I'd say that there isn't much guesswork left - she's never horny. A chart isn't going to fix that, and it's not going to help you any, except possibly make you resentful that her magnet never moves off the bottom.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

How can I coerce my wife into giving me sex when it's clear she doesn't really want sex with me? I'm not interested in actually having an intimate connection with my wife and as such am not interested in trying to find out what's going on, I just need to get my rocks off. Sorry OP but that's how you come across, if it's not true please correct me. Trying to coerce sex from someone that doesn't want it is never going to work. Either find out why and address it, live without it, or leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Visual said:


> I do follow the two books.


Payments, charts, and talks are not following the books. In fact, those things are going completely against what the books recommend.



> I changed my sex rank with the weight loss and doing px90 to got in better shape etc.


That's great. But women appreciate attitude more than muscles. The hottest guy in the world won't get laid if he's a pathetic beta.



> May be my wife only want to have sex 10 times a year. Maybe that is what she wants.


That is a possibility. But, it's unlikely. It's more likely that your wife wants sex 10 times a year *with you*. With another man, she may want sex twice a week. Many men have assumed their wives were asexual, only to be shocked when they discover their wives are actually having passionate affairs, or after divorce, their ex-wives are banging their new boyfriends nonstop.

So, you need to become another man. You need to improve yourself to the point where your wife wants to have sex with you.



> One thing that really bother me is her rejections. If I can eliminate the rejections, then I think I can l live in a sexless marriage.


There are three strategies to consider. First, stop initiating completely. That won't increase your sexual frequency, but it will eliminate the rejections. Second, only initiate when you feel sure that she will accept. This will also probably not increase your frequency. But, it will reduce rejections. Third, you can become more attractive, so that her default "no" becomes a default "yes." The last approach won't eliminate rejections. But, if she goes from rejecting you 90% of the time to only rejecting you 20% of the time, combined with an increased frequency, you probably won't mind the rejections anymore.



> All I am trying to accomplish with this chart is to avoid the rejections.


I understand. But it's not going to work.

You've said that, in your sex life, your wife does no work. You pleasure her to climax, then you hop on and try to finish yourself off as quickly as possible. If your wife isn't even willing to lie down for 10-15 minutes while you pleasure her, what makes you think that she's willing to add "move the sex chart magnet" to her list of daily chores?

What you need is reality. Your wife doesn't want sex with you. If you draw up a chart, she will want sex with you less. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can try to change it.

Good luck.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

You are going to have to accept the fact that she doesn't want sex with you, or she very rarely does.

I am in the same position. I provide a great lifestyle for my family, my wife is a SAHM, we eat out most nights or I cook (I tend to eat a body building diet so it is easier for me to cook), we have a service come clean the house bi-weekly, we go out on "date nights" at least 2x per month. However, nothing I can do will get her to show an interest in sex with me. I got so tired of the rejections that I just quit initiating. I absolutely refuse to do so any longer. She will initiate when she feels it is time for duty sex, but that is really all it is.

I won't leave for financial reasons and for my kids. Also, my wife is a good friend. I just direct all of my energies into my work, my kids and my exercise. I frequently get compliments on my physique from other ladies, but my wife doesn't care.

I only relate that stuff to you because I understand where you are coming from. You are going to have to decide if you can live this way or get out. There is really no way you can change her to be what you want. She has to want to do that. From what you describe, she does not want to do that.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

bbdad, why don't you put your relationship on the line. Do you want your life to just drift by without love and affection?

Visual,

You must radically change your wife's view of you. Your willingness to live like this must be very soul deadening.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Visual said:


> The chart would has two column. One column would indicate my horniness. My indicator would be mostly on the top scale. Someday I would move it down a knot. Someday I would move it up a knot.



Self reported data is not always the most reliable. At the end you will end up with a chart that is flat between 90 and 95 for every day. Not a lot of information there.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

On a more serious note, unless you do not know why she does not want sex you won't fix it. Knowin why by itself is not the magic answer but it helps figure out whether we're talking about no desire or no desire for you or resentments etc.


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## spanz (Feb 6, 2014)

wow, are you an engineer or something?

if you are getting rejected all the time, I agree, charting will only make u more depressed. Get her hormone treatment, or find a lover. Life is too short to endure a sexless marriage.

Do not cheat on her, tell her what you are doing and why


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Charting helps only to establish a frame of reference within 'commonly accepted' standards and values.

I have given serous thought to a poster sized board that charts sex frequency vs number of arguments over time. Despite my wife's mathematics prowess I doubt the chart will tell her anything she does not already know.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

spanz said:


> wow, are you an engineer or something?
> 
> if you are getting rejected all the time, I agree, charting will only make u more depressed. Get her hormone treatment, or find a lover. Life is too short to endure a sexless marriage.
> 
> Do not cheat on her, tell her what you are doing and why


On the way to finding your lover or leaving, execute the physical portion of your MAP. You should be as attractive as a successful single dater for your age range. Also put yourself into situations.

Usually the only way to get these trolls off their bridge is to dump them. End the gravy train and she just may come to her senses. Don't do it for her though, do it for you. You are not going to be sexless.


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

Maybe you can ask her if you can stick a thermometer in her vagina to measure her horniness. You will probably get the same reaction as putting a chart on the fridge.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

jay1365 said:


> Maybe you can ask her if you can stick a thermometer in her vagina to measure her horniness. You will probably get the same reaction as putting a chart on the fridge.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



The fridge has more ups and downs in temperature (variation) as the compressor kicks in :rofl:


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

jay1365 said:


> Maybe you can ask her if you can stick a thermometer in her vagina to measure her horniness. You will probably get the same reaction as putting a chart on the fridge.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:


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## Visual (Apr 12, 2013)

jay1365 said:


> Maybe you can ask her if you can stick a thermometer in her vagina to measure her horniness. You will probably get the same reaction as putting a chart on the fridge.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does it work on your wife?


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Seriously, dude, you can't chart your way to sexual success (although that does sound like an intriguing book title). Sex is primarily emotionally-driven. Our logical brain centres and our emotional brain centres do not communicate super well. Therefore, the more you introduce logic, the further away from sex you get. 

I.e., you would actually shoot yourself in the foot with this.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Maybe you can try to give your wife a breast massage with olive oil.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Olive oil is not fridge related. Mayonnaise for me


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

john117 said:


> Olive oil is not fridge related. Mayonnaise for me


All refrigerator and no pantry make for cold boobs...


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## sexless1970 (Feb 7, 2014)

I am a female and I know exactly how you feel as I am the one to initiate sex 95% of the time and 90% of the time I am rejected. I have talked some with my husband and he says he just has no sex drive. We were going to speak with his cardiologist about medication to help with that, but we just don't feel that at this time his heart would be able to withstand the medication. I am trying to figure out ways to get him to have a higher sex drive and want to have sex with me but so far I haven't. I believe he loves me but he just isn't a touchy feely guy and just doesn't have a sex drive, kind of like women when they go through menopause.

And I have to agree that putting a chart on the fridge for her to say when she is "in the mood" if she never touches the chart then I would see it as another form of rejection and that to me would make matters worse and not better. If she doesn't want to talk about it or do anything to change things, then maybe it's time to move on. Unless you say I need more sex and you don't want it then how about an open marriage. I can have a girlfriend/**** buddy on the side I just won't flaunt it in your face and I won't bring anything home to you.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

If he's seeing a cardiologist remember there is a reason for all the mouse print on ED medicines about using it only if you're healthy enough to have sex etc. 

Run the whole scenario by his cardiologist and she what he/she says.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Visual said:


> The whole idea is to eliminate the guesswork and avoid rejection.


That's what an adult converstion will do

55


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Visual said:


> I do follow the two books. I changed my sex rank with the weight loss and doing px90 to got in better shape etc. May be my wife only want to have sex 10 times a year. Maybe that is what she wants.
> 
> One thing that really bother me is her rejections. If I can eliminate the rejections, then I think I can l live in a sexless marriage.
> 
> All I am trying to accomplish with this chart is to avoid the rejections.


Sorry no............ You are trying to avoid confrontation

Thats Nice Guy 101

The chart is weak and she will desire you less

Rememer the most important line in the book MMSLP

"Men want better sex Women want better men"

55


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Take the 5 love languages quiz, compare afterwards and really talk about it. You will know each others love languages and go from there.

Whenever the wifee wants intimacy and sex, the hubby needs to be a man and be there for her. Whenever the hubby wants intimacy and sex, the wifee needs to be a woman and be there for him.

If either see this as a chore, and duty sex, time to move on.

You should find each other hot, sexy and want to be with each other. If not, move on.

No rejections or I'm not in the mood, etc., unless you are sick or got very little sleep, or something really bad happened. No rejections.

If you truly love each other, no lame rejections.


All the HD ladies on TAM, I would kill for. Having a HD adventurous wifee that likes all positions, holes, feet, toys, talks dirty, movies, cosplay, tie me up, feathers, candles, anything she can think of, she just does it with me without even asking, I would be in heaven. I really feel for the HD ladies here.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Visual,

Your idea is very gamma male. If you whip this chart out, your wife is never going to have sex with you again. It will prove what she already knows, you're unworthy.

Is you six pack showing yet?


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