# Do I just ask?



## pinkjacob (Nov 30, 2012)

Hi put this in reconcilliation too, but know not many people usually view that page, unfortunately. So I'm posting here too to look for advice.

Well my husband has been back in the house for nearly a month now, on the settee with the odd mention of there been a chance of some sort of R, but nothing solid, he is telling the OW we are back together, I'm not sure why really. Anyway on Thursday and fri he was off work, we went just the two of us on Thursday, (his idea) then we went out as a family on Friday (again his idea) we ended up buying another snake together (his idea) and had a really nice day, however when we got home my mum rang and went mad, mainly because we had spent the day together and had a 'wonderful' time, I then got a text off my brother saying how ashamed of me he is ( I haven't done a thing wrong) and that until my husband is out of my life he wants nothing to do with me at all. I rang my mum again who said the whole family were in agreement and if I chose to be with my husband then I would lose them all. I explained that I appreciated they had there own opinions but I had to do what is right for me and my kids. So they have all disowned me, it hurts but I knew it would happen one day, I have always given in to them my entire life and for once I am standing up for what I want and they don't like it.

My husband was so sorry it had come to this, and spent hours apologising for everything.

Next day he gets home from work and we are talking about it when (I don't even know how it happened) he kissed me, wow! It was amazing, one thing kind of lead to another although we didn't have full sex, then he suddenly opened up about everything, what had happened with OW, the fact that he had only slept with her once which was when he cheated on me, and only once,but never since we broke up. He answered all my questions, said how sorry he was for everything, then we went to bed. He is sleeping in the bed every night now but neither of us has actually brought up the actual R word, I know he feels like I deserve better than him, but it is him I want. He sleeps closer in the bed and I wake up to find him holding my hand.

The funny thing is, on Thursday night the kids stayed at my parents, and we had some friends round, we all had a bit to drink and one if my husbands friends (who thinks we are seperated) tried to kiss me, in front of my husband, I obviously stopped him but I think it kind of set my husbands mind into gear that other people want me and he doesn't like it! The kids are going to my parents tomorrow for a few days (we have arranged this via email as thatis the only way they will speak to me and only about the kids) and these friends are coming round again so we will all be having a drink, I am hoping that this night give husband the courage to actually say what I know he wants to say! Or it will give me the courage to just ask him!
What do you think
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

pinkjacob said:


> Hi put this in reconcilliation too, but know not many people usually view that page, unfortunately. So I'm posting here too to look for advice.
> 
> Well my husband has been back in the house for nearly a month now, on the settee with the odd mention of there been a chance of some sort of R, but nothing solid, he is telling the OW we are back together, I'm not sure why really. Anyway on Thursday and fri he was off work, we went just the two of us on Thursday, (his idea) then we went out as a family on Friday (again his idea) we ended up buying another snake together (his idea) and had a really nice day, however when we got home my mum rang and went mad, mainly because we had spent the day together and had a 'wonderful' time, I then got a text off my brother saying how ashamed of me he is ( I haven't done a thing wrong) and that until my husband is out of my life he wants nothing to do with me at all. I rang my mum again who said the whole family were in agreement and if I chose to be with my husband then I would lose them all. I explained that I appreciated they had there own opinions but I had to do what is right for me and my kids. So they have all disowned me, it hurts but I knew it would happen one day, I have always given in to them my entire life and for once I am standing up for what I want and they don't like it.
> 
> ...


What is it you want him to say? What do you what to say? Why would spending time with these people give him/you courage to say it? 

And the big question.....why are you continuing a relationship with a man who tried to kiss you in front of your husband, even if he thought you were separated. Seems like a scuzzy thing for him to do. If you are going to continue spending time with this man, you need to make it clear to him, and to everyone else whether you and your husband are together or not. And I guess first you need to make it clear to yourself and your husband.

It sure sounds like your H thinks you are reconciled, living with you for the past month, sleeping with you, holding your hand while you sleep (which I think is sweet).

Is OW completely out of his life?

As for your family, they sound like a very immature, controlling group. Good for you for doing what is right for you.


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## pinkjacob (Nov 30, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> What is it you want him to say? What do you what to say? Why would spending time with these people give him/you courage to say it?
> 
> And the big question.....why are you continuing a relationship with a man who tried to kiss you in front of your husband, even if he thought you were separated. Seems like a scuzzy thing for him to do.  If you are going to continue spending time with this man, you need to make it clear to him, and to everyone else whether you and your husband are together or not. And I guess first you need to make it clear to yourself and your husband.
> 
> ...



Hello thank you for your reply, I'm sorry if I came across wrong, I do not have a relationship with this man, he ismy husbands friend who tried to kiss me and I agree was a pretty crap thing to do in front of my husband. I stopped him straight away as I'm not interested at all, and my husband had a word with him explaining we are still married etc, I did not kiss him at all, 

My family are very immature and controlling and I know this is for the best but it stil hurts that they have disowned me because of my decision to fight for my family.

I know my husband wants me to be the one to say something - ie come home but it will take some courage to do that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your husband cheated. It's not up to him if you reconcile or not. You are the one who has to make the initial decision on whether or not you want to reconcile.

So you need to tell him that yes you want to reconcile or no you do not.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Why will it take 'some courage' to say something?

By allowing him back into your home and your bed, you seem to have made the decision to reconcile. If not, you are leading him on in a very cruel way. 

Your H has apologized. I agree with EleGirl. The words need to come from you.


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