# Feeling lost



## Stonecreek (Jul 31, 2015)

I am a 37 year old man andmy wife moved out last night. We have been married 8 years next week. We have had some up and down years but always made it through. We had plans to sell our house and move down to Arizona and even last week she was making plans to go down there to get her hygiene lisence. Then completly out of the blue she told me she is not in love with me anymore and has no interest with me. I have been through a divorce before in my 20's and it felt nothing like this. I feel like I'm being punched in the stomach and can't breathe. I started the whole begging process and trying to guilt her into staying but I realised I don't want her to stay out of pity nor do I think she would. We had decided to not have kids and so now I feel like I am alone and the thought of growing older with no wife and no kids is overwhelming. I haven't been able to sleep and I just randomly start to cry. This sucks


----------



## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Stoned reek, take heart you are not alone, not in your situation, nor your feelings. I am early 40's and my wife of 9 years went last week and I have hit and am still hitting everything your are going through.

My situation was not too dissimilar, my wife was struggling with a recent move we had decided upon and gone for, I knew that and we starred discussing plans on it but then it was just over, done, she moved out.

I too feel completely done for in terms of the rest of my life lonesome, I am slightly more fortunate in that my teenage daughter lives with me and I have her company.
Never the less the blow is felt many times over, the tears run randomly and the anticipation of what that future seems to be is very real.

No I'm not going to tell you it will be okay when you wake up or when it will feel okay again, but take solace in not being alone, post away anything that you feel when it takes over and I am sure you will get support, advice and a sense of kindred spirit if you like that can only help. Take care of yourself and no need to hide away.


----------



## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Eek, auto correct "stoned reek" I am sorry Stonecreek, but that was the iPad at play and I only just realised after posting, can't seem to edit, still maybe give a little laugh if nothing else.


----------



## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

Yes, Stonecreek, vent away here. Many of us have gone through it.

I'm a 50-year-old woman with a 13-year-old son. Married 25 years. XH (D was final just this past Wednesday) tells me last October he's not in love with me anymore, he's been unhappy for a while, and he wants to separate come this summer when our rental property will become vacant. Says there is no one else. Says there is no chance for R, won't go to counseling, there's nothing I can do or say. In February, I found out he'd been seeing another woman since September, he's "in love" with her, and wants a divorce so he can be with her. She's a widow, so no husband to rat her out to.

Generally, when a spouse announces seemingly out of the blue that they've been unhappy for a while and want to separate, they are already cheating on you. Regardless, I know exactly how you feel. I felt like someone was repeatedly punching me in the stomach, and like I was barely breathing. I didn't really sleep for about 3 months. Lost 25 pounds - could have only stood to lose about 10.

I won't tell you how it gets better, because I know I wasn't hearing or caring about that when I was at the stage you are in. And my XH had a lovely way of tearing the bandage off, thread by thread, hair by hair, because he didn't have the courage to just tell me the truth. He still doesn't.

We feel your pain. I'm sorry you're just now starting this process. It was the worst thing I've ever been through - worse than my parents' deaths. I did get through it, but I won't lie to you - it still hurts like hell.

ETA: Sorry you're here, too, Shinobi.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

It's most likely an affair. Sorry.

Buy hey, the good news is that you DIDN'T have any children w/ her. Otherwise this whole mess would be a hojillion times worse.

It's time for you to get moving. Start working out, lifting weights, new hobbies, pouring yourself into your work, all of the above, whatever.

Onward and upward, sir. Get to it.

Now.


----------



## YummyPB (Jun 25, 2009)

So sorry Stonecreek. Lots of us here are going through separation too. I'm not too active on this forum, but I'm sure I will be now since my husband told me he is moving out. Not a shock to me, but still very scary. I thought we were improving.....


----------



## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

Hi Stonecreek, I too am sorry you have to join the ranks of the betrayed but you are among good company. Lots of encouragement, advice, spouse bashing, whatever you need (within reason) can be found here. I'd be a non functioning puddle if it weren't for the ones I've met here who can relate.

Been married 14 years, two kids 13 & 11. WH met someone online he is currently shacking up with out of state. Couldn't run away fast enough. That hurt less to say today than it did yesterday.

You are not alone and whether you get older alone will be up to you but you are young enough for anything.


----------



## Stonecreek (Jul 31, 2015)

I think the thing I am struggling with the most is trying to take it day by day and not let myself focus on the big picture. I am coming to grips with the fact that I will never understand why this is happening and honestly it isn't important that I do just that it is happening. I am having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that my wife is not the person I thought she was. I really thought she was a fighter and would always fight for our marriage. I found a meetup group in my area on Tuesday for people going through separation and divorce and I think that will really help.


----------



## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Stonecreek you do right day at a time, the bigger picture can be a much tougher deal at the moment. You do right with groups and meeting up I am sure that will help both for you now and in the long term. Either way, all the very best and keep going.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

SC, sorry this is happening to you but time will help you get past this. Keep doing things for yourself, join clubs, gym, work longer hours, keep yourself going. You are still young and there is plenty of time to meet someone else and have a family. Men often do it much older than you.


----------



## Feelingsadnlonely (Mar 3, 2014)

I'm sorry you are going through this. I really am. Been there done that. Hearing the ol'I'm not in love with you is tough. Just breathe. You will have good days, and you will have rough ones. Focus on yourself right now. You don't know what the future holds for you. Every day will get easier. Sigh, ugg, I hate this part of the process. You will be OK though.


----------

