# husband gone all the time



## duckiedmud (Sep 20, 2009)

My husband is gone all the time, he finishes work at 6 or 7PM
then he goes to the casino and stays there every night till 10
then on saturdays he works til 12 and stays out til late into the night. I gave up fighting and am now trying to appeal to
his good side, telling him I am lonely and it would be nice if
he came home early. He just phoned now (it is 9PM) asked if 
I wanted to join him, I said No you could have called earlier in the
afternoon when it was bright and nice out. How can I get him to come home. He just doesn't want to. We have been married 38 years.


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## OFM_Tom (Sep 18, 2009)

It's been my experience that getting someone to do something is rarely possible. All you can do is lead by example. In cases where people have conflicting interests and hobbies, the most successful solutions usually involve one person involving themselves in the others hobby. In your case, an occasional visit to the casino with him would give you some time together and might (I stress MIGHT) encourage him to do things you'd like to do. 

In my experience, "appealing to his good side" usually feels a lot like guilt which usually garners the exact opposite reaction to what you were hoping for.


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## 20yrs (Sep 18, 2009)

um... 38 years... we have only been married for 20 but I have discovered that it works to GO when he calls even if it IS 9pm. 

It makes him much more willing to do what I want to when I take an active interest in what he does and go with him at times. 

Do I always feel like it? Heck no.... But is it worth it? Heck yeah. I want to STAY married to this man for the rest of my life. 

If you are appealing to his 'good side' there is a chance it is only driving him to stay away more - it is really easy for guys to simply not come home if they come home to guilt and nagging a lot... can't really blame them can we now?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Could he have a gambling addiction?


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

As long as he isn't cheating, it wouldn't be a huge problem to me. My H worked away from home for the past twenty years, and I supported him completely because he loved his job. However, after I discovered he was having an affair, I insisted that if he wanted our marriage to work, and he agreed that he did, then he would have to stop traveling. He is home right after he gets off work now, and rarely ever goes anywhere.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

foolz1 said:


> As long as he isn't cheating, it wouldn't be a huge problem to me. My H worked away from home for the past twenty years, and I supported him completely because he loved his job. However, after I discovered he was having an affair, I insisted that if he wanted our marriage to work, and he agreed that he did, then he would have to stop traveling. He is home right after he gets off work now, and rarely ever goes anywhere.


It's a shame it took an affair to have tat happen though.. I know unconditional love should forgive but thats one I am not sure I could..


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## mistyhefley (Feb 6, 2010)

I am so sorry. It is hard being home alone, while they are out all the time. My husband does the same thing. He works very long hours and goes to play poker often when he could be home with me and the kiddo's. I just got a call today around 4ish saying he was going to the casino with a buddy. He was invited of course, he was going to try and come home early tonight. I guess that he is not coming home early and he hasn't been home for dinner in about 34 days. What is it with there selfish behavior. Don't they want to be home sometimes, it really makes me feel sad, really sad. I am so sorry that you are going through this I know what it feels like and its not right or fare. You deserve to have time with your husband. They are taking advantage.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

From what I learned with my ex husband....he was great with everything as long as I was home and he did whatever he wanted. As soon as I found interests of my own, aside from waiting for him to want to spend time with me, that's when he showed interest in me. As long as I was willing to sit home waiting for him and wanting his company, he had zero interest. I guess he thought he had me pidgeon holed. It was easier to give in than to fight and argue about what I wanted and needed. As soon as it looked to him like I was developing interests of my own and a sense of self, he all of a sudden wanted something to do with me.

It may be easier to give in to avoid arguments, but some times you end up losing yourself in that deal.


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