# Christian but want to leave



## stev3400 (Nov 12, 2010)

I am like the rest of users, I want to leave but who do I tell. My conserative Christian parents, my sister whose children are willed to me, or his family who thinks he is God. Or my husband whose listening attention span is four seconds, supposingly we are the perfect military family. I hate this lie. When I lay next to him I see a good dad, and I love him for that reason only. I had a proffesor that I could carry on conversations for hours about politics science, people, jokes, anything but my husband can talk about football and video games. I never was scared until recently when my very high sex drive has decreased, and I would rather not have sex with him at all. Then there is the fact that for the first time I am beginning to look at men around me, as in what they would be like to be with, talk to, date. I know all this is wrong, I tell him that we need help, he says I am crazy. Sometimes he blames it on my menstreal cycle, others time stress. Sad thing is, I am under neither of those right now. I love him as a person, but I feel like I missed out on a spouse to connect with. He is a simple person, doesnt do anything passionetely or think about anything serious or real. I need someone who thinks, believes in something, is passionate about something. Please help me. I am 26 I do not want a divorce, but I would rather throw up than actually think of being with him forever. I will die of boredom, of intimacy deprival, of pointless conversations, of idiocracy, of mundane life, of being with someone who sees nothing out of his own home as important. I want a man who knows people are in need and he can help, who loves to work out and be outside, who thinks reading is learning, who will talk about politics, who will think of a question in life and then research the anwser. I cant be with a log anymore. What do I do? Its not what he does, its who he is I cant stand. Can this be rescued?

A little about me, I am not perfect. I have a temper, not abusive but a tempers. I am straight laced high strung and very strongly opinionated. I like to learn, love to see the outside of the world, I am spirtual, I am passionate about things I believe in and I do not let them go. When I do something I do it to the fullest, explaining why I am still in this marriage. I love to be intimate and love sex. I am a good mom and I love my kids. I just graduated college, ran my first marathon, and I am planning a huge fundraising organization to help stop child abuse. I believe in things, and I want my kids too. I hate tv, I hate video games, and I think the modern family is being ruined by couches and hours of tv with no conversation and no thought. I think Americans are becoming selfish and self gratifying humans who think of nothing but inside their own homes. I want a different life, I want to be different, and he does not. I am a Christian who believes in the commitment I made to God, so why do I feel like I sold my soul to the devil in this marriage. He sucks the life out of me. PLEASE HELP!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

stev3400,

In many ways, we are similar. 

We don't have TV. We only have Internet. 

I think people all over the world are becoming more and more selfish. 

You are only 26, you still have many many years ahead of you, if you are not happy with your life now, you'd better end it as soon as possible. 

We come to this world, not only for food and a shelter, we want happiness and fulfillment, he is being a good father and a good provider, but not a good man to meet your emotional needs. If he can only talk about stuff he likes, that means he only thinks about himself. 

I think your personality is very different from him, you are a very smart woman. Few women like to talk about politics, few women view reading learning. You are very smart as a woman, you always want to improve yourself and perfect yourself.

I see you are similar to me. I am a woman like this. I had been married to a man who was a good man, but emotionally I withered and died, I couldn't have any interesting conversation with him, and he didn't try to make me smart, on the contrary , he didn't want me to go to school or go to work to make myself a confident woman. 

I left him when I was 29. I didn't want to commit suicide in a slow way, I view life without emotional fulfillment commuting suicide in a slow way. 

I am lucky, I have found my dream man. Now I am happy and blooming beautifully. 

Ignore those religious rules, they brain wash us, they control us, we have no freedom to breathe.

But you have to make sure that you take care of everything in a good way. You have to make sure that you are making the right decision and that's really what you want.

I have to go to work now, I'll come back tonight at 9 o'clock my time if you want to discuss more about your dilemma.


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

re: I am a Christian who believes in the commitment I made to God,
... Isn't god or jesus supposed to take care of all your needs and problems? I just don't get it why 'Christians' come to forums instead of their lord for help or comfort.
IMO, your #1 priority is your kids and I'd do whatever it takes to make sure my kids get the best role modeling possible so they are not damaged by unhappy, faulty parental role models.
good luck doing what's best for your kids.


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## Ladybugs (Oct 12, 2010)

I guess this is water under the bridge at this point, but how did you end up with someone you dont like their basic personality? I do understand how some problems surface later, lilke abuse, an addiction, etc. but it sounds like this is his basic personality, and how you went thru the dating, engagement/marriage process if you are so different in what your basic personality needs are- i.e. needing a more intelectual type man, lots of outside various interests, etc.
was there something else about him in that time that drew you in,? maybe whatever that is, you could focus on that quality (if there was one) that initialy drew you in that you really liked

for example, if you were really turned on and drawn to him because of loyalty, maybe that is what you could refocus on. or whatever that quality was


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

You don't have to abandon your religion, as one person recommended, or feel guilty about the feelings. Maybe you can look instead into what Jesus really taught in context of the time that he physically lived on Earth.

This is what gets me. People forget that he was addressing a real, living crowd. A crowd that believed in divorce for any cause. At the time, a man could divorce for nothing more than getting impatient with his wife. He told them to remember the ways of their fathers. In other words, divorce must be a serious decision, not just burning a meal.

Remember that it is a covenant. Your husband's part was to provide emotional support. At the very least, if he is different, he could encourage your interests and help you find groups to share those with. 

I am in a similar situation. The challenge is to be more like Socrates, willing to accept that it doesn't make you better, just different. Maybe you can seek additional counseling to help share your feelings, but don't let the anger build. It just hurts you.

There were some interesting articles about Christian divorce recently in Christianty today. If you are interested, I could try to find the titles and links.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I was talking to my husband about your situation today. 

My husband guess that maybe you met your husband when you were very young, high school or something. 

Through out these years, you have matured and progressed, but he hasn't. That's why now you are lost. 

Please make sure what you want and what kind of life you want to have in the future. 

We make silly decisions and mistakes when we are young, if we have time to correct our mistake, do it as soon as possible. And make sure that we don't make the same mistake again. 

Now you are older, you know what you want. 

Other Christians can say whatever they want. They are not you. They don't understand your pain, they think that God and Jesus can work out magic. I don't think so.


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## mlboard (Nov 13, 2010)

A good friend said to me the other day: "my husband is my husband 15 years ago". 
You don't know how you will change over the years. Don't be angry at your husband for being the person he was when you met him.


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## Warbaby (Nov 10, 2010)

Stev3400, 
I wonder how much of your Husband, my wife see in me.. He and I are both military, I feel uniquely qualified to give a few points to ponder. I dont like to go camping, its not a good time when you live in the field for weeks at a time. I dont like to work out on my own, I lead physical training with my Soldiers M-F. Funny the Army changed my perceptions on what is work and what is recreation.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

I'm sorry you are going through this. Give your parents the chance to be judgemental, they might just surprise you and maybe even lend a little insight into the situation.



------------------------
"Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. -Van Horne


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Stev, You've recently graduated college. Your world view has expanded a lot in a short period. College does that. I just finished my Masters and the whole experience was very stimulating. I'm wondering what the odds are that your H might advance his education, too? That would give him something beyond video games and sports to talk about. He's not stupid, just maybe a little too comfortable and maybe in an intellectual rut. If he's military, the education center has tons of resources for both of you. In the Army, we have Morale, Welfare, and Recreation (MWR) that offers classes on dance, painting, auto mechanics, wood working, photography, etc, etc, etc. If you can get him off the couch and into something new, you find he's more interesting than he appears right now. You weren't born a college-educated marathon runner. Somebody inspired you to improve yourself and somebody taught you. Maybe you could do that for him.


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