# what should I do



## hurtheart (May 31, 2012)

I have been married since I was 18 years old I am now 35yrs old with 3 kids. 18 years I have been married. My husband has never really grown up. He is a construction worker self employed mostly. He has never been stable with money. He has had a few times where he made good money and paid bills. On the other hand he would and still does blow money and I would get help from family to make ends meet. I did this till I was about 29 then I said enough I refused to ask for money form anyone anymore. I did any job I could get to make ends meet and still do. He got a job and promised to get me a wedding ring after pawning my other one. We went picked it out planned to renew our vows due to alot of past problems with him lieing spending money not taking care of stuff around the house before he got a job he was unemployed for 2.5 years. got involved with a girl lied to me and her. I have not been perfect either have not cheated but I did agree to be swingers. I closed him off from the bank account due to blowing money made him fill less of a man. On the swinger thing my mind set was if he is going to want to have sex with other girls we might as well do it together. BAD Ideal. This is my first love my best friend what I thought was my soul mate. Now I don't know I want a partner to help with the bills house kids life as adults together. Sorry got off track he put a beautiful ring on layway for me and I got him one as well. 8 months later they send him his money back and he has hardley even helped with bills thought he was paying on the ring. I tell him what bills to pay hand them over and they never get paid till I find out then I pay them with my money. Then next day he quits his job and we are in need of another car? Not to mention the bills. He never thinks like an adult. I don't know what to do. The kids love him and he is a good dad it would kill them. I do love him but don't want another child I want a partner some one to help not just let me take care of everything. He really has no friends very codependent we both might be as I am scared of being alone starting over losing my friendship with him. but i want more any advice.


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## Eagles Dancing (Jun 3, 2012)

Is there a drug addiction?


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## hurtheart (May 31, 2012)

No poker and black jack


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## Eagles Dancing (Jun 3, 2012)

I thought there might be some kind of addiction. 

I have a lot of friends dealing with the same issues. Seems like some guys want to stay in the little boy stage....and they never mature into grown men.

So sorry to hear about your struggles.

As for the answer as to what you should do....I think you know deep down inside what that answer is to that question.

Sounds like you have been dealing with these issues for sometime now and nothing has changed.

Maybe you need to move on with your life and find some happiness, whether it be with him, if he decides to become a man and do his part, or with someone else.

I found in my own life, repeating the same actions over and over again and expect a change is not the answer.

Tough times calls for tough actions and it sound like you have to make the call yourself and maybe move on.

Hoping you find the answer and find happiness.


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## hurtheart (May 31, 2012)

Eagles thank you for the response. I hate how guilty I feel for knowing what I have to do. I hate this so bad I just wish he would grow up I love him so much. But I have to love myself more. My only hope is that if we separate that he will grow up and I can let him back. I guess deep down I fear that will not happen either. How will I ever love again if he does not. Life stinks sometimes just wish I could give it a bath so it smells like roses again. But what does not kill you makes you stronger right. Just hope I am happy and strong at the end. Thanks for your advice.


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