# My patience was truly tested this morning...



## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I woke up and my patience was tested and I think I kept it together pretty well. One my big issues have been jealously and it always have been. Well last week EXACTLY....it was last Saturday. When he was doing something he does every weekend a women from his work showed up to 'support him' and they went to dinner afterward. He lied to me about it because he said I would freak out to say the least I did really really bad. This is something I have refused to go with him it is something I don't enjoy and I have been extremely rude about it and out of line.

Well this women is someone I have been really jealous of she works with him and I could tell he liked her. He told it was nothing more then a friendship but I could tell he genuinely liked her as a person and it hurt me. Well She texted him about work a lot and it was just innocent until lately I believe.

I in my heart believe this women now really likes him and now I feel like I am not only fighting for the marriage I have destroyed but also now I have to really compete against someone who has been my DH friend 

Well DH use to have my cell phone until he got his new one. Well this morning when I woke up there was a text from her about work. It is her day off but I guess she likes to call and ask about stuff ahead of time. When I saw it part of me died I have been so hard this week not to nag or even think about her.

I deleted the message and prayed for strength and then moved on. I didn't call DH at work about it because I am ASSuming she called him there and I didn't want to freak out or ruin the progress over the past few days.

Should I say something about the text? Honestly it was NOT important if anything I am a little freaked out why she would on her day off call at 4:20 AM(he works from 2-10AM) to ask!!

I need to be strong today I am not going to let someone else control the faith of this marriage. I am willing to fight I just wish I would of done this earlier  I am doing the 'Love Dare' so I just hope I can keep it up.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Love Dare or not, there is a time that you need to put your foot down. Your husband lied to you, and then blamed you for it. NOT COOL. 

What is he doing to work with you and increase the level of trust you feel in him? 

And yes, if the text bothers you, mention it. Honesty and communication is what is going to save your marriage. Don't blame, accuse, or complain, simply mentioned it threw you off guard that she texted on her day off. Leave it at that and go on to something more pleasant, he'll have all the information he needs right there and you won't feel as if you have to stuff your feelings just to get along.


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Well I asked him if I could go tonight and he pretty much told me no He said he told me that he needed his space and that I have been 'smothering him' the last few days after 1/2 assing it the last 3-4 years(we have been together 11 years). I asked him if our son could go(he usually does) and he told me he couldn't eitherThen if she was going to be there or if he was going to go out afterward(something he has never done until last week) and he sort of snapped and asked why about her and I said it was fine if she was going to be there because they are friends. 

When he asked why I wanted to go I told him I wanted to change and he said, 'thats a pretty drastic change isn't it' and I told him I was trying to change. 

I am so sad right now I can't even cry. I am so scared I lost him for good. To make this whole thing even worse is that I had a horrible dream with her in it with her showing up at this thing and then them leaving together as I sat there crying.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

none of this is making any sense....did i miss an original descriptive
post or something? way it reads makes me wonder about bipolar,
BPD etc issues going on here. someone pls fill me in, or translate pls. tks cb45


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

What effort is he putting in to making things right with you? It sounds as if he is being controlling and blaming. 

Look, instead of trying so hard to change yourself, let him know the marriage needs to change and that you want to do your part, but he needs to do his part too. It simply won't work any other way.

I know you are scared that you may lose your marriage, but honestly, if he worth keeping if he is going to treat you so poorly?


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

cb45 said:


> none of this is making any sense....did i miss an original descriptive
> post or something? way it reads makes me wonder about bipolar,
> BPD etc issues going on here. someone pls fill me in, or translate pls. tks cb45


I am a little confused on what you mean? Are you implying me or my husband have a mental illness? This was one of my 1st post I was very emotional when I wrote this post and I guess I just needed some advice and wasn't expecting to be told I was bipolar. 

Happyher thanks for the advice. He has worked on it for years and I have been not the best partner and am just trying to repair things not only for us but our children. I know it can't only be me that changes but I almost feel like I am the one that has to show a genuine change before he will even give me a chance again. He was ready to leave and I pretty much begged him to give me another chance. It have been going pretty well but I feel like we have a long way to go.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

You're welcome Dear. I just hope he is giving you the opportunity to make things right with an open heart, not a blaming finger. You've taken the first step and willingness is the most important. Old ways are rough to break out of and new ones will have growing pains. Be gentle with this process, and don't give up!


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Well it was going really well(or at least I thought it was  )and last night he went out to a movie with her and dinner and didn't tell me and to make it worse he brought our daughter with him.....she is the one that told me. 

He told me that he didn't tell me because there is nothing going on between them and didn't want to hear me freak out. He sort of went off and commented that I didn't listen and he wanted to leave and I made him stay. I told him fine that I couldn't make him stay and I couldn't be the only one fighting for it. 

We went to the bank to separate the accounts(pretty much he is giving me all of the savings) and he was acting strange and sending a lot of mixed signals. After we were done he told me pretty much he is torn, didn't know if it was healthy, didn't know what he wanted to do, and then implied he wanted to 'work' on it. He also implied that he wanted to leave but not really split up. 

I am extremely confused and hurt. I don't even know what to do.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

He's dating this woman, yet "nothing is going on"? Do you buy into that? I hope not. That was completely inappropriate for a married man to do and especially as he was sneaky, dishonest AND included your daughter in that.

He's riding both sides of the fence and I hope you'll back completely off from him. IF he decides he wants to work it out, he will need to show his sincerity and also quit running around with the other woman. Otherwise he could string you along forever, having all the benefits and none of the responsibilities of child support, etc... No, let him leave and contact your attorney to see about formal separation papers. You need to do everything you can to look after yourself and your daughter now. 

With the thought in mind that you may still want to work this out, you can be pleasant with him, but keep your distance. No booty calls and start working on YOU. When he sees that you are doing things for yourself and tending to your own happiness, he will be more apt to remember what he is missing by not being there to enjoy that happiness with you.


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Your right Tracy  it is over. This morning around 4AM I heard him texting in the other room and to make a long story short he was texting her. I grabbed the phone and it talked about 'morning wood' and 'knowing who he was into' I told him to get out. I then called/texted her and I was very surprised he was playing both sides and not really being honest with her either. 

I don't know how to feel right now I feel really lost but also peaceful too. I am scared because I haven't worked in years....I have been a SAHM.

I am definitely going to be working on myself I have spent the last 11 years of my life in a whirl wind and I am mad at myself for letting it get this far. When he was leaving he was trying to blame me all for it and saying it was pretty much my fault. I have seen a completely different side of him this last couple of weeks and for the most part I am speechless.


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