# Should I take him back?



## Just_Want_Love (Nov 9, 2011)

Hey all so this is my first post and I came on here because of a problem in my relationship with a guy that I love very much. We have been a couple for two years and recently got engaged. Unfortunately about 3 weeks ago I found out that he had had sex with another girl from his work while we were on a break and didn't tell me. I found out when he was bragging about it during a fight. (The break lasted about 24 hours - maybe. So he basically went straight to her after our fight). So I'm not sure if it could be classified as "cheating" technically but sure feels like it.

I also have to take some responsibility for it though as I basically told him to do it, because I am his first girlfriend (we weren't engaged at the time). I wanted him to know that he wanted to be with me because he had been with someone else. Of course looking back I realize how dumb that was and I should have kept my mouth shut. I don't really think he should have slept with her though. I meant like take her on a date or something! LOL

So here are my problems:
He hid it from me for about 6 months! 
Instead of trying to get back together with me after our fight, he goes straight to her house and sleeps with her
He bragged about it - not acting like he regretted it at all
Seems to want me to get over it in two days and pretend like it never happened.

Some good things:
Doesn't contact the other girl at all
Cried about it twice and said how bad he felt
Has talked with my family members individually and they all feel that he is remorseful
Says he understands what he has done and swears it will never happen again.

So what do I do? Give it another shot or move on?


----------



## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Just_Want_Love said:


> Hey all so this is my first post and I came on here because of a problem in my relationship with a guy that I love very much. We have been a couple for two years and recently got engaged. Unfortunately about 3 weeks ago I found out that he had had sex with another girl from his work while we were on a break and didn't tell me. I found out when he was bragging about it during a fight. (The break lasted about 24 hours - maybe. So he basically went straight to her after our fight). So I'm not sure if it could be classified as "cheating" technically but sure feels like it.
> 
> I also have to take some responsibility for it though as I basically told him to do it, because I am his first girlfriend (we weren't engaged at the time). I wanted him to know that he wanted to be with me because he had been with someone else. Of course looking back I realize how dumb that was and I should have kept my mouth shut. I don't really think he should have slept with her though. I meant like take her on a date or something! LOL
> 
> ...


Are you serious?...MOVE ON


----------



## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

I wouldn't move on. You are the one that told him to go and be with her. He was probably very hurt and acted really stupidly about the whole thing, but it seems as if he learned an important lesson as well. 

If anything I would say learning healthy conflict resolution skills for both of you is going to greatly improve your chances of having a healthy relationship. But if you both love each other and are willing to work on things, then there is no reason why it can't work.


----------



## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Reasons you could take him back:
1. You were not married and had broke up with him when he had a tryst with another female
2. He seems remorseful and to want to commit with you

Reason not to:
1. He had a tryst with another female after being your boyfriend.
2. He thinks that a split from you means he is free to have a tryst with another female (this could be a problem here and there if he thinks you two are taking a break!)


I don't know what I would do. I can see how you could lean each way.


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

What is "taking a break"? Either you are together or you aren't. Especially if you get married.


----------



## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I would say do NOT get married any time soon. Betrayals of this kind take a long while to heal. I will alsog et some couples counseling for a while to see if you are both mature and healthy enough to have a successful relationship longterm.


----------



## Just_Want_Love (Nov 9, 2011)

Yeah see that's my problem, it seems to be split right down the middle. Some say take him back, and others say kick him to the curb. 

I guess we just broke up at the time. I did know he was going to her house and was fine with it as long as nothing happened and he told me nothing ever did. Now he's confessed everything.


----------



## Just_Want_Love (Nov 9, 2011)

Well I think I'm done. I think I'm breaking up with him.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry to hear of what happened. When will you talk to him about breaking up.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This reminds me of that Friend's episode when Ross and Rachel were fighting and his only response is "WE WERE ON A BREAK!" lol. 

I couldn't take your bf back. Things in the beginning should be great. If there are already trust problems, and things like this, no way. If when we "were on a break" and his first thing is to go bang another woman? Holy crap...what will stop him when you have marital problems? Then he lied about it. Bleh.

How did the breakup go?


----------



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I agree if you had a relationship for 2 years and just were engaged that is a commitment, for him to go in the same 24 hours says a lot in my book, whether you said to go or not, we all say things in a fight we don't meant that is what is means to get through that bad times in a relationship, no different in a marriage, there they call it in good times and bad......
I agree then he kept it from you because believe it or not he knows what he did was wrong too......
I would not just take him back without him going to some thearapy and reading some books on relationship and honesty.....
If you want to continue with the relationship you two have some work to do, don't just sweep this under the rug, because with something like this it will keep rearing it's ugly head every fight.....you have to resolve it, and the trust is gone now you know that every time he goes out for a 24 hour period you will wonder what he is up to, he will have to be totally transparent, giving you all passwords to phone, comp........he will need to prove to you there will never be a chance of something like this ever happening again........extra ordinary precautions will have to be put in place and a discussion about boundaries with members of the opposite sex will have to put in place.
He can never let himself be alone with any other woman ever......
No personal conversations, no secret friends.......
I think there are a lot of good men out there that wouldn't sell you down the river so quickly if he isn't on board with being transparent it may tell you that he isn't serious about the relationship especially after cheating on you...........
I would put the relationship on a let's see what happens for now.....if he will do the work then maybe over time you can believe in him and trust him but he hasn't earned it yet


----------

