# Frustrated with custody!!!



## skdfour (Jan 2, 2015)

I guess I need to vent tonight. I am the custodial parent of my 18 and 14 year old daughters. My ex husband and I have a flexible custody schedule. (What was I thinking??) I agreed to this, because he lived about a block away. Now he lives 60 miles away. He expects my daughter to drive to see him 3 times a week. Therefore they have to drive an hour to school on schooldays. 

I have in the past "traded" days with him so my daughters could go to practice, games, friends, and church. So my ex considers those my days even though I don't really see them. So I put my foot down to get equal time, but he refuses. My girls are of the age they can choose to go or not, but they have no choice, because he will punish them for not coming to see him. I'm not trying to keep him from them, like he would like to believe. They are growing up and are not home as much and I just want my equal time with them. 

My girls are scared to stand up to him. I'm a little afraid, because some how he will take it out on the girls and then I will give in. Never thought 5 years later I would still be having to deal with this bully.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Can you afford to go back to court and get a more set schedule? that way the kids are not the ones standing up to their father.


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## skdfour (Jan 2, 2015)

I wish I could afford to take him back to court. I'm sending my daughter to college next year. Trying to pay for a car for her. ugh!!! But I'm to the point I may take out a loan to fix this. My girls are so tired of traveling back and forth. He won't take them over the weekend. That would take away his "play" time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Once your 18 is in college, won't it get better for her?

If you want to try an intermediate step, write a letter explaining that this not working. Maybe pay an attorney to send it. Try to set up a more ridged schedule. You could let him know that if the two of you cannot work it out equitably, then you will need to go to court. 

It might work.. who knows.


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## skdfour (Jan 2, 2015)

I'm hoping it will be better for her. She chose a college further from her dad for that reason. He is soooo controlling. She wants to see him, but have a life of her own too. 

That is a thought. Thanks for the advice. My lawyer did tell me that he could waste his money fighting for custody. I just wish it wouldn't waste mine too.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

This is bullsh!t. HE is the one who moved, therefore HE should be the one doing the traveling! Your kids are too old for this crap. How exactly is he going to "punish" them if they dont go? He is 60 miles away, what can he do beside yell over the phone?? This makes me mad, because my daughter hasnt wanted to see her dad for years now, but always continued out of guilt and a little fear of him, too. I asked her over the years if she wanted me to get anything changed, and the guilt over hurting his feelings always made her tell me to keep it how it is. Do whatever you need to to get the custody amended. Did his moving so far go against anything in the original agreement?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Does he really think forcing the kids to visit is going to make a healthy relationship? He needs to realize both the kids are at the age now where their own lives and friends are the most important, that doesn't mean they don't love their parents, but it does mean it's time for parents to start stepping back.

He chose to move so that's on him, he can't force the girls to make that trip. He is being a piss poor father if he is making the girls feel guilty or punishing them for not making the trip. They may be afraid to stand up to him but eventually they will resent him, and that will be worse. You can talk with him but my guess is he will think you are brain washing the girls and just argue and fight. Personally I think the girls need to talk with him, they can express their love for him but also express how driving an hour each way three times a week doesn't work for them.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Totally agree with the others. You had a custody arrangement, he broke that arrangement by moving. Time for a new agreement. Start with a letter setting forth why the current arrangement isn't working for the kids and suggest a new arrangement. (He won't like the new arrangement because....... it doesn't matter he just won't). A senior in HS should not be under this kind of stress by her parent. 

Not likely, but do you think he would agree to mediate a new custody arrangement-it would be cheaper.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How does he "punish" the kids for not doing what he wishes? As their "responsible" parent, it's up to you to protect them. 

C


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