# What is the biggest problem you have had in your marriage?



## theguyz (May 7, 2012)

Hey everyone, 

I'm just curious what the biggest problem anyone has ever had with their husband or wife in there relationships?

I'll start off! My girlfriend ended up hanging out with the wrong crowd and ended up being addicted to drugs. The relationship started collapsing because I had NO idea on what to do. tried to do the right thing but it was bad and she ended up having to move away to edmonton to clean herself up. it was either I have a relationship or I have a girlfriend who may end up killing herself from an overdose. Anyone else?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My attitude!

lol

All better now.

He had some problems too, but this said MY biggest problem...which was my attitude.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Well, other than the fact he cheated on me:

I am a spender and he is a saver. Thankfully we don't have to pinch pennies, but if we did I would have to be put on an allowance.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

He's a spender, I'm a saver. It's gotten us in some really uncomfortable situations. He's impulsive about $.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Our love language, communication, finances, my ocd vs his walking dumpster attitude(which changed for the most part after i had a few meltdowns) and other people trying to come between us such as our family, so called friends, ect. The friends was on my end so i ended up ditching them because they couldn't respect my relationship with him.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

By far, the ex's warped views on sex and entitlement.

Ex proposed to me and explicitly promised a satisfying sex life, yet concealed that she did not find me sexually attractive. Turns out she had pegged me as the guy who was going to get a degree, provide well for her, and raise a family with her.

Then, when I made an issue about the lack of sex, she gaslighted me by saying her lack of desire was my fault rather than simply admit she never wanted me, or simply (horror of horrors) fulfilling her promise to me.

Then, when I cut through the B.S. she admitted her lie yet resented that I was holding her accountable. Her assertion was that guys never really earn sex, a good husband will be content with what his wife provides, and (specifically to us) because she gave her virginity to me I owed her.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

DTO said:


> Her assertion was that guys never really earn sex, a good husband will be content with what his wife provides, and (specifically to us) because she gave her virginity to me I owed her.


DELUSIONAL!!!! I've had a few friends who thought that same way and balk at me when I give them my viewpoint.


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## DownUnder (Jul 30, 2011)

My temper....in the past this has gotten me in trouble.

Im better at managing it nowadays and hopefully i will continue to improve.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

The biggest problem for me is what the vagina is attached to.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Hmmm... That's a toughy. Let me think.

OK. I've got it. I'll have to say that the fact that my wife never found me sexually desirable and, like an earlier poster, never told me about it and blamed it on me when I found out.

No, wait. I think it's that she fell out of love with me about 15 or so years ago and also never told me. 

No, no. I've got it. It's that after dragging all of that out of her after a year of hell, she REFUSES to talk about it or do anything about it. Not only refuses to help me, but seemingly exaggerates her non-response to our problems to make it ABSOLUTELY clear she has no interest in helping me. In helping US.

Yeah. I'm going with that last one.


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## bellagirl (May 9, 2012)

Hmmm, the biggest problem is that my husband doesn't know how to love anyone and has no passion for me. My second biggest problem is that I'm still in the marriage.....though hopefully not for long!


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

bellagirl said:


> My second biggest problem is that I'm still in the marriage.


Yeah. That too.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Communication. Lack of communication led us to where we were a little over a month ago. We have been communicating more, but still have a long road ahead of us.


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## nachopenguin (Apr 27, 2012)

Definitely communication. We both struggle with it, but my husband especially so. He often forgets what it's like to be husband and wife, and deal with his issues on his own rather than work through them together. Of course, that never works out and just causes more problems.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

that_girl said:


> My attitude!
> 
> lol
> 
> ...


Ironically, despite our marriage recovering very well from my husband's long-term emotional affair, this was our biggest problem too.


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## JuliaP (Mar 21, 2011)

nachopenguin said:


> Definitely communication. We both struggle with it, but my husband especially so. He often forgets what it's like to be husband and wife, and deal with his issues on his own rather than work through them together. Of course, that never works out and just causes more problems.


:iagree:


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

I have to go with communication as well. During the first years of our marriage as we were discovering how each other communicated, there were a lot of hurt feeling and misunderstandings.

The second was trust. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression, and the first couple of medications I tried had the exact opposite result as the one I was hoping for. I spent a year totally out of control. I couldn't stop drinking. I lied about everything including things that didn't matter. I finally got my meds fixed, but she still has a lot of trouble trusting me in certain situation.

We've mostly worked through the first two. The problem that causes the majority of arguments is our fundamental disagreement on how we treat one of our daughters. And you can't tell me that isn't a bucket of laughs.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Marrying someone I had no darn business marrying in the first place. Shame on ME.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Sadly the biggest problem in my marriage was me. Childhood abuse left me angry, needy, fearful, and an all around mess. 

3 rounds of therapy, a lot of work on my part, and I'm much better and healthier now.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Secret keeping. When 'stuff' happens if my H thinks it will upst me or cause conflict he's likely to conceal information.

It has caused major upset...as in deal breaking upset.

We're working on it...


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Sexual pain and desire problems that frankly we didn't address well for too long. I take a lot of the blame for that. I just kept hoping it would fix itself so I didn't want to say anything to hurt her feelings... in the end it hurt both of us emotionally.

We have hope for the future though, things are getting much better.


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## galian84 (May 7, 2012)

Not married but in a serious relationship, can I contribute anyway? 

Communication is a big one for us! But we're finding ways around it. My boyfriend admitted he wasn't used to asking for what he wanted and needed, and so in previous relationships and the beginning of ours, he just went along with everything the woman wanted, until he grew to resent her. Sometimes when I feel like something's not right with him, I still have to coax it out of him, but he is getting better now at speaking up.

Another problem was finding enough time after work to talk. He works 1 fulltime job, one contract part-time job 9 / 12 months a year, and he has visitation for his son. Normally he gets home around 8-10pm from Mon-Thurs, and he came back wanting to not talk, whereas...I need to talk, even for a little bit. It ended up with me talking after him, feeling like I was chasing after him and repeating myself so that he would listen. So we agreed to take out 15-20 minutes of time each night to catch up and give each other our undivided attention.

We also found something that really helped us was to schedule times to talk when we weren't together (ie if one of us was on vacation), and tell each other our plans for the next day. Really takes the guesswork out of when we're going to get to talk, etc...I used to do this with my long distance relationship, and even though it didn't work out, the method of communication really worked for both of us. I have always had a need to have a schedule in order to function properly :/


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