# Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me pls



## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me pls*

Just need to talk to someone about my wife who is having an EA (at least) and wants out...she "has been in denial and really doenst love me". I dont think this is true, at all...i need to talk. Thanks.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

This is a forum where discussions like this can be done here, in the forum, not by PM.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

Agree with Jamison.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

im just kinda losing it all...and it seems like i get better responses, more heartfelt in pm. I have a couple threads here, but basically my wife is having a MLC with a EA. I have come to the realization i cannot do this alone, she is convinced she doesnt love me anymore. I just emailed a therapist who specializes in last ditch marriage help...anyone think this will work?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

Couldn't hurt. I didn't wade through all your other posts, so I apologize. Have you exposed to her family and any friends who wouldn't be assisting in this? I did see something about you saying you wouldn't so that to her mom because she would pass out? I assume the news that her daughter is a cheater would be a hard pill for her to swallow? Tell me, do you think it will be harder for her to find out that you and her daughter split because of the cheating? Or would finding out that her daughter has been cheating and you are trying to get her out of her fog be harder? My point is that, by refusing to expose to those who would be most influential and are closest to her, you are basically letting her go ahead and do it. 

I can promise you that, had my husband told my mom and dad about the first one, there would not have been a second one. My parents and I are close and yes, hearing something like that would have been devastating to them. But they would have held me accountable. They would have told me to either work on my marriage or divorce. Yea, I thought about leaving him. I thought about it a lot. But no amount of waiting on me, no amount of "being nice" helped. I truly thought, at the time, that I was no longer in love with him. Perhaps MC would have helped then, but we didn't go. Fortunately, I came out of the fog and we are rebuilding. 

Give the MC a shot. Is this one who also specializes in infidelity/EAs?


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

yeah i found one that specialized in "last ditch marriage" help, and she was busy of course. Im just overwhelmed and its getting to me....I want to drive home and confront my W now, but that would not go well. I guess if it doesnt work, it doesnt, but i have to try one time.

Are you in love with your husband again? or still dont know?

What i dont understand, is she told me about a week ago "for the record i love you and i dont want a divorce", but then she tells OM she has no feelings for me--i guess to keep hiim interested, or keep me offguard.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

We have talked about how her last husband went to her family when the marriage was over...it went from civil to war of the roses, and she hated him after that, for years. I think the threat of me filing for divorce, and her having to face her family over the holidays, would strike fear in her--she knows they will ask--and if i have the 'come to jesus" talk with her that i know about the EA and it needs to stop NOW, then maybe i can get her to MC. I have an appt to see a divorce attny on wed.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

i guess what has stressed me out so much, is that we shared a very good vacation week in august, in the middle of all of this, and then it all fell apart. We are not that far off, it is killing me.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

It wasn't a case of in love with him or not in love with him... I THOUGHT I was not in love with him. I never truly STOPPED being in love with him.

And, hold on a second...her ex-husband went to her family when they were divorcing? Again, pardon me for not knowing the details, but why did he go to her family? Did one of them cheat on the other?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

Ok I'm having a brain fart here MLC? What is MLC?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

MLC = midlife crisis


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*



Garry2012 said:


> What i dont understand, is she told me about a week ago "for the record i love you and i dont want a divorce", but then she tells OM she has no feelings for me--i guess to keep hiim interested, or keep me offguard.


People frequently refer to this on TAM as you being her "Backup Plan B." In other words, she'll keep you around to save face with her family over the holidays, or in case things don't pan out with the OM.

I'm sure you have read enough posts on TAM to realize people can spill their guts here. Lots of folks here have gone through the agony of experiencing their spouse conduct an EA and/or PA. 

Nobody knows your true identity, as far as I know. So if you feel the need to vent and put it out there, go for it. The more information we know, the more responses and information you will get on how to handle this situation.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

Yeah, she wants to get through the holidays "stress free"--ie she wont have to deal with all the probing etc. She is disguising it as "lets not do anything to upset the kids for christmas". I cant wait, ii got a very revealing and painful audio from a VAR, that showed at least what she is telling OM. 

I just dont know how much a therapist can help....its my last chance effort. In about a week, week and a half, i want to have divorce papers in hand, meet her at the house when the kids go to school, and tell her "unless you go to therapy, and end it with OM" i am filing. 

My fear is that she will "go along with the whole therapy crap" until she can get to January. I need to square away my childcare before january, i will be very very busy then with work.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

the VAR also revealed that she is afraid to say the words "i dont love you" because then it will be all her fault...and she would have to face her family with that too. I just wanted to see if any other females have been this way and a therpist has helped them out of the fog?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

Is the VAR revealing that she is planning to leave you for the OM after the holidays?


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

No, but she was telling him that she doesnt love me, and wears the ring for show only, doesnt mean anything. He is not divorced either, she gracefully offerred to "split them up".


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

she want a "trial separation" in January i think. Which is even more "back up plan". She has been shocked by my reference to divorce, yet she seemed happy talking to OM that i have talked divorce...she was kinda "selling" the fact that we are on our way.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

she told him she is purposely stalling counciling because she simply doesnt love me...i know thats not true...she just thinks it now....and thinks i dont love her...which she knows better...but it works in the equation to leave


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

i have told her to see councel, she says "im offended you think i need professional help".


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

Back to your original question in your post to married women.

This forum has many posts from women who went back to their husbands once the affair ended. Read the stories about R's.

Of course your wife may come back to you once her affair ends - who knows right?

Have you tried the 180?

I haven't read your other posts. Does she know you know about her affair?

If you love her so much, why do you want to file for divorce? To "wake her up" from her affair?


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

as far as i can tell, its not PA but EA..at least from the VAR, but its headed there. I did try the 180, it back fired, she is even more convinced i have no feelings for her...and bragged about it to OM. I dont think she does, not sure, she may have found a VAR, but i dont know. If i dont get another VAR, ill know she knows. 

Yeah, i am hoping the divorce filing a) lets her know i am serious, and b) I need to move on if she is not willing to respect me and keeps relationship with OM--as hard as that will be.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

I need to file i think to get her (and me) out of this limbo/plan b mode....It will force the issues public...and she will get scrutinized by her family heavily...(they JUST had another women in the family have a full on MLC, told relative not in love and is with another man openly PA). They are in divorce, and this just happend about 3 months ago.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

honestly, i think she is gone...and it is crushing me. but i cant do anything about it.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

The 180 is for you & sometimes the wife will notice become more attracted to you. If your only goal is to get her back, then it doesn't work. If it pushed her away, she's in too deep with the OM.

Have you confronted her about her EA or are you too afraid?


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

i was just hoping there were some women on here to give me hope that forcing them to counceling works i guess....


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*



Garry2012 said:


> honestly, i think she is gone...and it is crushing me. but i cant do anything about it.


I'm very sorry. Yes, sometimes marriages do end. The sooner you start to accept this, the sooner you will heal.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

i wanted to talk to a therapist before i do....Yeah i think she is in pretty deep with him...they discussed him "being in her head" as a reason for not making up with me....all she said was "dont tell me to not be in your head, thats not fair!"


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

this was just a very good one for a long time...and not that long ago...so its very hard for me.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

i need a councelor...but everyone is busy today i guess


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

beside i cant confront her until there are no kids around....i could monday, but i wouldt hve divorce papers in hand...


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

or account frozen, or anything


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

sounds like she is in deep with om huh?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

My suggestion... expose everything including what's on the VAR to friends, family, ect. Do not rugsweep this until after the holidays. She needs to feel the reality of her situation. Don't give her the courtesy of being as comfortable as possible. Make her as uncomfortable as you can.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

i want to have the divorce papers and the talk today...this is absolutly killing me. I cant get a therapist on the line, and couldnt get to the divorce atty until Wed. Why does everything take so long...


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*



Gaia said:


> My suggestion... expose everything including what's on the VAR to friends, family, ect. Do not rugsweep this until after the holidays. She needs to feel the reality of her situation. Don't give her the courtesy of being as comfortable as possible. Make her as uncomfortable as you can.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Don't make her holiday season the wonderful fantasy she desires. She's playing you for a fool. Time to drop the bomb. Seriously.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

i know, i cant take it...thats why i feel the need to file...that will force the issue and give her no excuse not to tell her family. WE dont have to tell the kids. Besides, i need to get this out or i will have a heart attack or a nervous breakdown.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*



Garry2012 said:


> i know, i cant take it...thats why i feel the need to file...that will force the issue and give her no excuse not to tell her family. WE dont have to tell the kids. Besides, i need to get this out or i will have a heart attack or a nervous breakdown.


I completely understand. Limbo is HELL. You will feel better if you take control of this situation instead of letting the situation control you.

You never answered - Have you confronted her about her EA?


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

not yet, because i wanted to with divorce papers in hand...and make her make the choice then and there...him or me. I just found out on Tuesday about the EA.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

i suspected she had a burner phone in late September, i saw an activation number on a note of hers....i called it. She has an iphone so there is no need to be calling a gophone number.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

its serious if she has a separate phone, i know..that is VERY out of character for her.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

the call did not cross the barrier to phone se#, and there was opportunity several times. So that is SOMETHING, and she was decribing scars she has, thus he hasnt seen them. But the EA part is strong--she sounded very confortable with him--so much so that for a long time i thought it was her best female friend....until they started talking about why his separation was moving so slow.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

yeah, i like the idea, but im afraid she wont get the personal feel to it...im hesitant to do counceling over the phone....


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*



Garry2012 said:


> yeah, i like the idea, but im afraid she wont get the personal feel to it...im hesitant to do counceling over the phone....


It's not for her. It's to professionally guide *you* as to what to do. Not just a bunch of us lay people. As you wish, good luck.


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## jane1213 (Aug 10, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

can't u meet up with a good friend just to vent out and clear your head?


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

good thought anchor...


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*



Garry2012 said:


> she told him she is purposely stalling counciling because she simply doesnt love me...i know thats not true...she just thinks it now....and thinks i dont love her...which she knows better...but it works in the equation to leave


this is sad and you are being pathetic(which you will regret)...you are in a bigger fog than she is. Your only option is exposing the affair far and wide but you are too scared to even do that


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

Your wife wants to hold on to you AND the Other Man (OM), else she would initiate Divorce (D) in order to end the relationship with you and move on with the OM.

Instead she wants a 'separation', which is code for wanting her own space to have sex with OM while keeping you dangling onto the hope of reconciliation.

All the while you pay for, or supplement her lifestyle.

However you have the upper hand that most other Betrayed Spouses (BS) don't have - you are aware of her actions and intentions, while she is unaware of you knowing. 

Keep it that way.

Find incriminating evidence and plan on filing Divorce and exposing to her friends, her family, your family and her employer. Have her served at work - make it as sensationally embarrassing and painful for her as you possibly can - there must be no one she can run to for relief from her affair becoming made public, not even her lover.

He (her Affair Partner(AP)) must be exposed as well. If he has a wife/girlfriend/employer/parents, expose to them too. 
No mercy, no regrets.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

*Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p*

Yeah, i know all that now....i read "lliving in limbo", which is her 100%. 

I dont know if she knows, i am thinking she may know something is up. I am having a heck of a time getting any good evidence--the VAR are hit or miss, and he didnt seem to call that much, nothing on the one i did get to get to "infidelity" i dont think.

uses her phone, so keylogger is not helpiing either. I wasnt goint to put a GPS tracker, but i think i am today--i need to know if its a PA versus the EA I know about. 

If i can get good evidence, i will make sure EVERYONE knows why i filed.


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