# Married to your mother!!!!!



## brankj2007 (Feb 23, 2010)

I was just wondering if there is any other person out there that feels like they have married there mother. If so how does one deal with this emotional roller coaster? I love my wife but I want her to be my best friend and not an authority figure in my life. Can anyone help?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

my H tends to be the authority figure in our marriage. He is an oldest child, and im youngest so i think the roles are natural for us, but all the same i dont like it. So im trying to assert myself more. I ask him for less and i ignore him when he gets in his authority figure mode. You teach people how to treat you. So you have to evaluate how you act around your spouse. You are probably teaching her to treat you that way.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

How long have you been together

How long have you been married

How long has she acted this way

Do you deserve it? Meaning are you not organized/forget to do what you are supposed to so she always has to remind you?



brankj2007 said:


> I was just wondering if there is any other person out there that feels like they have married there mother. If so how does one deal with this emotional roller coaster? I love my wife but I want her to be my best friend and not an authority figure in my life. Can anyone help?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Wow. I wish my ex had felt like that. I told him I WASN'T his mother and I should not have to act like it--get mad to get him to do something (he'd just ignore any other way I asked for something). 

Control issues generally stem from anxiety. She may not even know it. Ask her what she fears. Get her to talk about it. If you can open the door, she may be willing to confront her anxiety issues and be much less controlling as a result. Best of luck.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

many times i feel like the fourth kid in my house, but i will just tell my wife HEY, i aint one of your kids, LAY OFF. that usually takes care of it


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## brankj2007 (Feb 23, 2010)

thanks for everyone's input. I think that she needs to control everything about me. 
To answer some questions:
1. 6 years in March
2. Married 3 in April
3. Only after we got married


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## TabbyCat (Jun 13, 2009)

You'd better say something now before any more years go by.

Something my husband said to me worked really well. It almost made me cry. In the midst of something I was telling him,(maybe instructing?)......he said, "Honey, I'm on YOUR side". It knocked a little wind out of me. I thought, he loves me, and he's on my side....what am I doing? I'd better do something about this urge...


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

brankj2007 said:


> I was just wondering if there is any other person out there that feels like they have married there mother. If so how does one deal with this emotional roller coaster? I love my wife but I want her to be my best friend and not an authority figure in my life. Can anyone help?


Simple answer. Grow up, stand up for yourself, earn her respect.
Even if people are controlling or authoritative (not sure how you spell this) they only do it with people whom they see more childish/insecure/who allow it. You're obviously allowing it so it's somewhat normal that she doesn't see you as an 'equal' but more of a child she has to raise. Take more responsability, explain over and over and over that you deserve to be trusted and treated as an equal and prove it. :smthumbup:


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