# Boring Sex



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

We have been married for 26 years. In the first 15 years sex was hot, now it’s just meh. We have discussed this. My H says we should be more spontaneous and not just do it in bed, we are always tired after work, etc. I feel there isn’t enough romance so the wam bam thank you mam doesn’t always work for me. When we go away, which I try to organise a lot, then he’s more relaxes and it’s magic but how can we bring this into the bedroom at home. He works a lot, I do too and sometimes at the end of the day a nice cosy bed is all I want. His libido is not where it was either. I’m not just talking about sex, I want intimacy. Does it have to be such hard work?


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## Ditch (Apr 16, 2014)

26 years here as well. Still married by choice, been intimate once in the last 5 years. I have just about quit trying, because I hate the cold shoulder. Consider some to be better than none


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Realistic expectations.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

aine said:


> We have been married for 26 years. In the first 15 years sex was hot, now it’s just meh. We have discussed this. My H says we should be more spontaneous and not just do it in bed, we are always tired after work, etc. I feel there isn’t enough romance so the wam bam thank you mam doesn’t always work for me. When we go away, which I try to organise a lot, then he’s more relaxes and it’s magic but how can we bring this into the bedroom at home. He works a lot, I do too and sometimes at the end of the day a nice cosy bed is all I want. His libido is not where it was either. I’m not just talking about sex, I want intimacy. *Does it have to be such hard work?*


Yes it does.

You both have to come at it with intentionality and prioritize time together. If one of you half-asses it, it won't work. You both have to want it enough to make that priority over jobs, TV and sleep if necessary.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

I would start with intentionally planning for intimacy. Plan a nice night out on a Saturday night. But treat the whole day as preparation. Have a relaxed day, stay away from devices or any potential stressors, maybe do a fun activity together, basically get in a vacation mind state. Then when you go out to a nice dinner both of you dress up and look sexy for each other. Keep the whole day centered on relaxing and connecting. 

But yeas it will take work. You can also look into new sexy things to try. Ever try giving him a Nuru massage that will get both your engines started.


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## MZMEE (Apr 17, 2018)

It sounds like sex has dropped down his priority list. Work and tiredness trumps his desire for sex. It happens. He also may have some worries on his mind that he is not telling you about. So first investigate what is bothering him. Many men don't know how to express themselves when something is wrong.

Next. Have you ever asked him what he likes? Maybe there is something that he wants to experiment with that will keep him coming back? Some fantasy he always wanted?

Lastly. After 26 years you have to expect a drop. It is what it is. Not sure how old you and your husband are but even with age, a drop is expected. You can't expect things to always be hot and heavy. But talk about other things you can do to at least FEEL the intimacy. You never want to let the fire go out of a marriage because somebody may end up looking over your shoulder for it on the outside.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Maybe he's confused too.

I am.

Explain what you mean by wanting intimacy but not necessarily sex.

You want just a cozy bed sometimes but then say his libido isnt what it was.

I get where you are coming from and can relate. Just trying to point out how he may feel just from little bits of your post.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Tell him you are going to start having amazing vacation type sex every weekend during your time off of work.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Elaborate on meh. Does he make sure to take care of you? 

We're on 26 years too, the sex is different than 10 or 15 years ago, not better, not worse just different, but it's certainly not meh. But yes, effort is involved for what used to be effortless. I did struggled with that. Now I don't dwell on that and just make the effort, it helps.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

I'm 31 years married. There's nothing wrong with your marriage. Everything you're talking about is normal for working adults. During the week sometimes the wham bam is all you have time for. It can still be hot, loving, and intimate. Don't expect fireworks on a Tuesday night. You're just over-expecting if you do and setting yourself up for disappointment. Don't force it either. When things happen organically, awesome, enjoy it. When you're both busy and tired don't force it and go through the motions. It's ok to be tired. It doesn't mean you don't love each other or there's something wrong with your marriage. It just means that you're tired.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Let's start with the evenings after work. What times do you get home? What keeps you busy between then and bed time? Do you go to bed at the same time? Do you have kids? Take a look at that time and see what you can do to simplify it and maximize the time together. For example, instead of cooking a big dinner, just heat up something frozen so you don't have a lot of cooking and cleanup time. Then make sure you are spending time having fun together in the evening. Go on walks, sit on the back porch, build a fire pit, etc. Don't waste a lot of time on TV and the internet--that will eat up an infinite amount of time. Don't make your bedtime so late that you're exhausted and drop off right away. Go to bed a little early and just hold each other and cuddle. Don't expect sex, but I think you'll be surprised at how easily and often it happens.

The mornings are always tough since you're getting ready for work and stuff, but hop in the shower together even if just to get clean. That little bit of naked fun time will prime the environment for things to spontaneously happen later. Even just a few minutes of cuddle time before getting out of bed can help. Cuddling topless is also a way to create more sexual energy that may lead to something later.

A lot of the spontaneous sex you had a long time ago is because you were young and your hormones were on fire. You just naturally felt more sexual regardless of what each other was doing. But now you'll need to work just a bit to get those hormones going again. It will probably never be like it was before, but you can do a lot to make it more intimate and emotionally connected.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

aine said:


> We have been married for 26 years. In the first 15 years sex was hot, now it’s just meh. We have discussed this. My H says we should be more spontaneous and not just do it in bed, we are always tired after work, etc. I feel there isn’t enough romance so the wam bam thank you mam doesn’t always work for me. When we go away, which I try to organise a lot, then he’s more relaxes and it’s magic but how can we bring this into the bedroom at home. He works a lot, I do too and sometimes at the end of the day a nice cosy bed is all I want. His libido is not where it was either. I’m not just talking about sex, I want intimacy. Does it have to be such hard work?


I don't know how old you are but he should get his testosterone levels checked if there are no other factors that could be effecting his libido between the two of you. Low testosterone can wreak havoc on a man's sex drive. Conversely, if there IS low testosterone, the fix can be a simple as a T injection a couple of times a month. Then...Katey bar the door.

And yes, intimacy is work - it's honest open conversations where both people lean into each other with interest in what the other thinks and feels. It's worth it. I think when intimacy is there, the sex is sort of automatically great. But the intimacy is something that is fostered throughout each other's days. The sex is the fireworks at the end of the picnic, so to speak.

Perfectly understandable that you are both tired at the end of a long work day...how about the good old standard "date night"? How about flirty texts during the day? How about necking in the car once in awhile? Even if it doesn't end in sex THAT day, it keeps the fires burning for when you do have your date night.

I'm telling you, girl, I feel you on the quickie sex situation...it's a whole lot better when there's some flirting going on during the hours before - I need some build up and to know from him he thinks I'm the bee's knees. He has started calling me the Duchess of Westwood and I tell him that he may bow and kiss my hand - then we both bust out laughing. You guys can come up with silly stuff like that to add some fun and humor into your daily lives. 

Start having some conversations - calm, honest ones. Be open minded and prepared to be a little shocked at the other's thinking. This is a point where couples get stuck. But it's also the point where they really show what they are each made of in a marriage - how to commit, how to care and love and care for the other. Out of these conversations can come a commitment to think positive thoughts about each other - so that instead of thinking about what's wrong a larger percentage of the time, start thinking what's right a larger percentage of the time. Sort of like putting on a new pair of glasses. It changes how you see each other and gets the fires going again. 

And lastly, please know you are in good company - that pretty much all marriages go through some periods like this. You are smart to share your dilemma and get some ideas rather than feel like you are not getting anywhere by yourself.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Ditch said:


> 26 years here as well. Still married by choice, been intimate once in the last 5 years. I have just about quit trying, because I hate the cold shoulder. Consider some to be better than none


I will never, ever understand why someone thinks so little of themselves as to put up with this...

Never.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Ditch said:


> 26 years here as well. Still married by choice, been intimate once in the last 5 years. I have just about quit trying, because I hate the cold shoulder. Consider some to be better than none


Damn, just start fooling around without talking, and do.
Don't get in a discussion were SO can say no. 5 yrs is huge.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> I will never, ever understand why someone thinks so little of themselves as to put up with this...
> 
> Never.


Ditto.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Tell him you refuse to be "keeper of the flame", he is responsible for his own fire. I'm at 31 years married, and I've been keeper of the flame for 5. I've got better things to do with my time than trying to start a fire with wet wood. When she gets the fuel to the kindling point, I'm happy to light a match. But I'm sick to death of wet wood.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

BluesPower said:


> I will never, ever understand why someone thinks so little of themselves as to put up with this...
> 
> Never.


While I completely agree. There is often the fact that many times we are like frogs on the stove. We get into a nice cozy pot (a relationship) and before we know it, we are being boiled alive (disparaging to ourselves). Too many times we allow the fear of jumping from the pan into the fire to freeze us in place and just begin to accept our lot in life.
Looking back I did the same thing (although it was not once in five years). Looking back I now say never again.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Ditch said:


> 26 years here as well. Still married by choice, been intimate once in the last 5 years. I have just about quit trying, because I hate the cold shoulder. Consider some to be better than none



How are you handling that? I mean, how are you having sex? Sorry, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to - but, are you two able to have a conversation about your sex life together?


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> Tell him you refuse to be "keeper of the flame", he is responsible for his own fire. I'm at 31 years married, and I've been keeper of the flame for 5. I've got better things to do with my time than trying to start a fire with wet wood. When she gets the fuel to the kindling point, I'm happy to light a match. But I'm sick to death of wet wood.


Aw, I hate hearing this. If I may encouragingly say so, both people need to be jumping in there and having conversations about sex. It's just too damn much fun! From a female standpoint, I can say that sometimes I am slow to light up. A lot of people, women especially, really don't get sexually excited until they get into it - as opposed to, as my husband says "All you gotta do for me is show up." 

It's not that I don't find my husband attractive, I just have different ways of getting turned on. I need to do and receive some flirting over a period of the day or a couple of hours or something. I don't want my guy to give up just because it's taking me longer or takes different things for me to get fired up. I LOVE sex but it sure took a LOT of conversations with my husband to help us understand each other. It wasn't all smooth sailing either. Some of it was sadness and pouting on my part as I fielded ideas on what was going on with me. Sometimes, I put a hard standard of beauty on myself and if I don't measure up at different times, I withdraw. He has to reassure me and, yes, even say things that make me laugh and feel like a teenager again. If I start thinking that I'm too much effort to go to for him, then I, too, give up and feel like I'm not worth him making the effort. I truly can't help the fact that my initial libido is slower - and since he has become more understanding of this - and me of him - we have sex many times a week now.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

aine said:


> We have been married for 26 years. In the first 15 years sex was hot, now it’s just meh. We have discussed this. My H says we should be more spontaneous and not just do it in bed, we are always tired after work, etc. I feel there isn’t enough romance so the wam bam thank you mam doesn’t always work for me. When we go away, which I try to organise a lot, then he’s more relaxes and it’s magic but how can we bring this into the bedroom at home. He works a lot, I do too and sometimes at the end of the day a nice cosy bed is all I want. His libido is not where it was either. I’m not just talking about sex, I want intimacy. Does it have to be such hard work?


I don't have a solution for you, that isn't one that doesn't have you both wanting to bring for yourselves. You both have to want to make the time, and then spend that time making it happen.

At 22 years of being together, my wife and I haven't been together as long as you and your husband. Yet our sex life ebbs and flows, sometimes it's more exciting and sometimes it's less exciting. What has helped us to keep it more exciting than not through our time together, is above all else taking the time to spend that time.Combined with still being independent, so we come together rather than feel we're always together.

We also mix things up and sometimes add new sex act/kinks etc, and are sometimes more risqué in our behaviour as well.

Sex with the same person all of the time and done the same way for a long time, can feel boring.

So for us we flirt more, and sometimes park our car somewhere and play, or go to a national park and find a spot on a mountain and go for an it outdoors. In our early years, my wife would never flash me while we're out and about, yet she does from time to time now because it is exciting for her, once she's checked that the coast is clear.

Or we'll go to a beach and find a spot to play, sometimes we will go somewhere with intent to play, yet can't because other people are around or start to come closer. Yet just wanting to do that and not getting to gets us going as well, which we then take home and apply there.

If you're bored and want out of that, you'll both have spend time trying some different and exciting things.


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## Txquail (Feb 21, 2018)

aine said:


> We have been married for 26 years. In the first 15 years sex was hot, now it’s just meh. We have discussed this. My H says we should be more spontaneous and not just do it in bed, we are always tired after work, etc. I feel there isn’t enough romance so the wam bam thank you mam doesn’t always work for me. When we go away, which I try to organise a lot, then he’s more relaxes and it’s magic but how can we bring this into the bedroom at home. He works a lot, I do too and sometimes at the end of the day a nice cosy bed is all I want. His libido is not where it was either. I’m not just talking about sex, I want intimacy. Does it have to be such hard work?


Have him get his testosterone levels checked. As guys, when we age they go down. 

If his are low, if he gets treatment for it he'll be a wild man again. He may even want sex everyday again.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

MZMEE said:


> It sounds like sex has dropped down his priority list. Work and tiredness trumps his desire for sex. It happens. He also may have some worries on his mind that he is not telling you about. So first investigate what is bothering him. Many men don't know how to express themselves when something is wrong.
> 
> Next. Have you ever asked him what he likes? Maybe there is something that he wants to experiment with that will keep him coming back? Some fantasy he always wanted?
> 
> Lastly. After 26 years you have to expect a drop. It is what it is. Not sure how old you and your husband are but even with age, a drop is expected. You can't expect things to always be hot and heavy. But talk about other things you can do to at least FEEL the intimacy. You never want to let the fire go out of a marriage because somebody may end up looking over your shoulder for it on the outside.


We are early 50s. Yes he has a lot on his plate starting a new business. My job is also stressful.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Middle of Everything said:


> Maybe he's confused too.
> 
> I am.
> 
> ...


it is both of us, I know


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

CharlieParker said:


> Elaborate on meh. Does he make sure to take care of you?
> 
> We're on 26 years too, the sex is different than 10 or 15 years ago, not better, not worse just different, but it's certainly not meh. But yes, effort is involved for what used to be effortless. I did struggled with that. Now I don't dwell on that and just make the effort, it helps.


I think he used to be more concerned with taking care of me in the past, now not so much which also turns me off. He is stressed and tired so I don’t want to burden him more


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Txquail said:


> Have him get his testosterone levels checked. As guys, when we age they go down.
> 
> If his are low, if he gets treatment for it he'll be a wild man again. He may even want sex everyday again.


He did a few years ago as he had ED, needed injections. However, he has started taking care of his health now and exercising and supplements which have helped. His erections are not as hard as they used to be but more than enough😊to have fun. He re know his libido is low due to stress.


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

happiness27 said:


> I don't know how old you are but he should get his testosterone levels checked if there are no other factors that could be effecting his libido between the two of you. Low testosterone can wreak havoc on a man's sex drive. Conversely, if there IS low testosterone, the fix can be a simple as a T injection a couple of times a month. Then...Katey bar the door.


This statement isn’t universally true. My T levels were low & I’ve been on T injections 3x/week for a year and my libido is near gone. 20 yrs marriage our sex life, I’m sorry to say, has become boring. Wife got her levels checked and found low thyroid and extremely low T. She’s been on T cream and thryroid for a month and it’s made zero difference. Her libido (not that she ever had a strong one for the past 16 years due to kids) is still non-existent. She’s been responsive desire for a long time but even that is fading. 

So in our case, modern medicine has not helped at all. I guess we’re outliers?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

aine said:


> I think he used to be more concerned with taking care of me in the past, now not so much which also turns me off. He is stressed and tired so I don’t want to burden him more


Short term (less than 12 months) extraordinary stress or everyday life happens stress?

We just got over (well not fully but the end is in sight) a short term stress. A couple of things helped us through it. Communication, quite a bit of 68 (I do you now, you get me later), naked time (no expectations of sex but if it happens great) and taking advantage of any low stress times.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

@happiness27 , 
what you are saying is right. Both partners have to keep it burning. You yourself participate in the flirting. What is happening here is he is saying I'm too busy for that, you take care of it. Essentially saddling @aine with finding the solution to his problem, with no clues, and commonly some resistance. This is a whole additional level of difficulty from the slow starter or reactive desire. I'm not saying reactive desire is easy, but at least the wood is dry.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

gr8ful1 said:


> So in our case, modern medicine has not helped at all. I guess we’re outliers?


Or, maybe, it's not a medical problem.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Well, I took the advise on the flirting. Came home from meeting friends. Give him a hot kiss. He’s into the TV show. Wanted to go have shower before bed, kissed him again and told him to meet me upstairs in five minutes, not sure he’d show up. Hadn’t even started my shower, he was there in two minutes. You can guess the rest........in the shower 😊


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

aine said:


> Well, I took the advise on the flirting. Came home from meeting friends. Give him a hot kiss. He’s into the TV show. Wanted to go have shower before bed, kissed him again and told him to meet me upstairs in five minutes, not sure he’d show up. Hadn’t even started my shower, he was there in two minutes. You can guess the rest........in the shower 😊


Good to hear!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I love happy endings


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

aine said:


> I think he used to be more concerned with taking care of me in the past, now not so much which also turns me off. He is stressed and tired so I don’t want to burden him more


You girls need to quit holding the man responsible for him getting tried quicker. That stuff just gets stronger as a man gets older.


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

OnTheFly said:


> Or, maybe, it's not a medical problem.


Ok I’ll bite. What then? I’ve also met with a sexual therapist multiple times, who had us try sensate therapy. That was calming maybe but not arousing or even really sexy. We’ve been together for 25 years - her touch is so familiar that it doesn’t shoot fireworks into me like it once did. But when I was younger (thru early 40’s) I physically BURNED for her every day. I’m late 40’s now and that’s completely gone, even tho my T is over 1000. If you research you’ll find that T is not always a simple cure for low sex drive. Sometimes there’s an initial spike but over time the body gets acclimated & accustomed so it no longer responds the same way. If dopamine receptors die off there’s nothing you can do. 

I’m sure stress plays a role with us. We have 3 teenage drivers (all girls) and so we have drama on tap here. So perhaps some of this is just phase of life...


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

aine said:


> Well, I took the advise on the flirting. Came home from meeting friends. Give him a hot kiss. He’s into the TV show. Wanted to go have shower before bed, kissed him again and told him to meet me upstairs in five minutes, not sure he’d show up. Hadn’t even started my shower, he was there in two minutes. You can guess the rest........in the shower 😊


Now, how hard was that to do? Not very. 

As far as his stress, what do you think sex is sometime... stress relief.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

aine said:


> I’m not just talking about sex, I want intimacy. Does it have to be such hard work?


Yes it probably will be hard work. The idea that sex and intimacy should just fall into place with minimal effort and sacrifice is a fallacy. That only works for a short time in your life (young, unmarried, not too much school or career pressure). Beyond that you have to be intentional and probably do things and be on a schedule you'd not choose for yourself.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

aine said:


> Well, I took the advise on the flirting. Came home from meeting friends. Give him a hot kiss. He’s into the TV show. Wanted to go have shower before bed, kissed him again and told him to meet me upstairs in five minutes, not sure he’d show up. Hadn’t even started my shower, he was there in two minutes. You can guess the rest........in the shower 😊


Awesome.

Sounds like what would happen with my wife and I. Have gone through spells where we would be all concerned with who initiated last or initiated the most recently. instead of just putting it out there and saying "Let's ****". Maybe you need to take the reigns for awhile. If hubby doesnt catch on and reciprocate some, talk to him. Otherwise enjoy. :grin2:


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

aine said:


> I think he used to be more concerned with taking care of me in the past, now not so much which also turns me off. He is stressed and tired so I don’t want to burden him more


He can be stressed and tired all he wants. That doesn't give him license to be SELFISH.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

It is hard work, and despite me being 100% faithful to my wife, I'm finding it harder and harder to agree that humans are programmed to be monogamous.

A long-term husband can be turned off at the idea of having to stroke his wifes flames for 2 days before she opens her legs... for maybe unenthusiastic sex.... Yet see a hot girl rollerblading and almost get into a car accident because he cant keep his eyes off her. Same man with no libido for his wife is suddenly ready to pull over and mate with this beauty

Women on the other hand are no different... sorry ladies.. but i see the same thing happening with women. They want 'intimacy' and 'emotions' before getting wet for their husband but if a muscular alpha walks past them they get all fluttery and cant speak straight. Same women with no libido for her husband is ready to pounce this 'alpha' male


My wife was never too tired to have sex when we started dating; I remember rolling around with her until we started to hear the birds chirping. She also never needed romance or intimacy as a starter package... my presence alone was enough for her to jump my bones. So why now? It's not because she needs that stuff, its because I no longer fire up the primal instincts of desire and attraction.

Desire drops and its up to both parties to try their hardest to continually improve it..... Unfortunately some people dont even realize they need to do this work to begin with.... enter dad bod's 


Luckily for you, men typically don't need much to get sexually started (unless he finds his wife unattractive) - Your little "meet me upstairs" trick would work on me 100% of the time. If you want sex than that is an easy way to get it. But if you truly want time/attention/romance from him then its going to take a lot more because, unfortunately, you cannot change other people.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> He can be stressed and tired all he wants. That doesn't give him license to be SELFISH.


This is so true, in every way. While I have never let stress stop my drive or desire, I understand that some do.

But here is an example from yesterday. GF and I were at each others this weekend. Fri, sat hers, sun mine. 

I left her Monday morning at mine because she teaches and it off and I have to go to work. We made love right before I left. So she is in Postcoital Bliss and I have to run off to work. 

I had a rough day, and I was tired, and while I missed her I was looking forward to hitting the sack shortly after getting home. She had a great day and spent time with her oldest doing some decorating for his apartment and what not. Then she goes out with a GF for dinner and catch up. 

I am getting ready to go to sleep, and she calls saying that she is coming over, and we all know what that means. Now I was tired, and a little F'ed out from the weekend. 

But did I ***** about it? No, she came over I took care of business and she went to sleep with a smile. Of course then I am wired and it took a while to get to sleep, but we all have to make sacrifices.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It does get harder the older we get and the longer we've been together, so we both have to make more effort. Intimacy isn't a problem, but sex is more challenging. I think our biggest obstacle is that we're too considerate; for me, it's: Is she tired? Is her back hurting again? Did she get sleep, or did the pain keep her awake? We've talked about being more selfish, and while it is difficult to make that transition, it works. I was tired last night, but she was horny and woke me up at midnight for sex, after I'd gotten some rest. I was horny this morning, so I woke her up for sex before getting ready for work (she can sleep in today). Other times, one of us has to push through whatever else is going on, and make the effort to connect - but it is worth it, and we're always glad we did.

As for boring, I don't have an answer, because that has never been an issue. Sex keeps changing, without any effort on our part. Different things become our go-to for months, and then something else seems to happen. We may go back to something from years ago, or discover something entirely new. Not huge changes, nor suddenly taking up a fetish! Just a shift in initiation, how we take turns, modified positions, etc. It keeps it interesting, for sure.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

aine said:


> Well, I took the advise on the flirting. Came home from meeting friends. Give him a hot kiss....


If you want to take things to the next level, send him all sorts of mixed signals when flirting. Since you have been married for so long he should be able to tell which signals are real and which are fake. The pure irony of your actions should set a humorous tone which is the key ingredient you need to escape boring. 

For example give him a hot kiss and simultaneously tell him you are not in the mood. Tell him not to get any ideas and at the same time grab his butt. Install disco lights above the shower, and yell across the house at him to bring you a towel while you completely ignore the disco lights as if they are completely normal. Wear lingerie around the house while you complain that your comfortable pajamas need to go through the laundry. 

Ultimately you want to try and flirt in a way that makes the two of you giggle. Think of it as if pranking him and challenge yourself to mess with him a little! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Married but Happy said:


> It does get harder the older we get and the longer we've been together, so we both have to make more effort. Intimacy isn't a problem, but sex is more challenging. I think our biggest obstacle is that we're too considerate; for me, it's: Is she tired? Is her back hurting again? Did she get sleep, or did the pain keep her awake? We've talked about being more selfish, and while it is difficult to make that transition, it works. I was tired last night, but she was horny and woke me up at midnight for sex, after I'd gotten some rest. I was horny this morning, so I woke her up for sex before getting ready for work (she can sleep in today). Other times, one of us has to push through whatever else is going on, and make the effort to connect - but it is worth it, and we're always glad we did.
> 
> 
> 
> As for boring, I don't have an answer, because that has never been an issue. Sex keeps changing, without any effort on our part. Different things become our go-to for months, and then something else seems to happen. We may go back to something from years ago, or discover something entirely new. Not huge changes, nor suddenly taking up a fetish! Just a shift in initiation, how we take turns, modified positions, etc. It keeps it interesting, for sure.




Holy God...what I wouldn’t give to be woken up for some dreamy-sleepy sex and then be told to go back to sleep because it’s my day off. 

So jelly...jus’ sayin’

ETA: It really gets harder the older you get? That’s not what I heard...  


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Elizabeth001 said:


> ETA: It really gets harder the older you get? That’s not what I heard...


LOL Better living through pharmaceuticals!


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Elizabeth001 said:


> ETA: It really gets harder the older you get? That’s not what I heard...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


If it does for 4+ hours you're supposed to see a doctor.


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## workerbee (Feb 15, 2018)

badsanta said:


> aine said:
> 
> 
> > Well, I took the advise on the flirting. Came home from meeting friends. Give him a hot kiss....
> ...


This is awesome. 
We are trying to mix things up and I can implement this. 

Any more ideas are welcomed.


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