# Looking for a little advice



## fatherof3 (Jan 13, 2009)

My wife moved out two weeks ago with both of us understanding our life had to change if there was ever a chance of us getting back together, after she cheated. It was a very slim chance in my book but there was a part of me that was hoping she would change and be what i wanted her to be...(we have been separated for 2 1/2 months but she just got her own place)..She acted to me like she had changed during the first 2 months but her being on her own would be the test for me...I wanted a total transformation, proof that me and the kids were the most important thing to her....(she says it but i don't beleive it)......So this was her first weekend alone, in total freedom.....She goes out fri nite to a local bar till 12 and saturday night till 230am......I honestly didn't think i would care, but it tore me up.... I know how she is and i know how she acts with alcohol in her.....Who knows what she did, my mind can only imagine.... Why in the hell would she do this....I usually talk to her a couple times a day and we get along, she always seems cheery.....To make this story short, i talked to her yesterday and ask her why she did it, and her response was i just went out, i wont do it again, and that i have no idea what it feels like not to be wanted......(whatever)...So when i took the kids back at 6 yesterday, i told her i couldn't handle being torn apart again(with some new guy), my heart can't take it.....I have had enough and told her not to contact me anymore, i wanted to get over her....txt me if she needed to ask me something and i would do the same.....kids call anytime, and i will let her know when im calling by txtn her......She broke down saying i can't do that, is this it for good are you giving up on us for good.....Is stopping almost all communication with her the right thing to do, i want to get over this.......


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## smitten (Apr 15, 2009)

Is there any chance the two of you can get in to counseling together?


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## fatherof3 (Jan 13, 2009)

Already been down that road, she went 5 times,and i went 3 times....Honestly, i think it is a waste of money.....


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Maybe this will be the wake-up call she needs to turn herself around. Up to you if you want to wait around to see if it is or not.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Even though you are separated and probably heading for divorce you will still need to communicate. Set the ground rules for communication. i.e. To discuss how to proceed in divorce…. Allocation of assets…. And if it is truly over for you, no discussions about reconciliation. You will forever by tied to her through your kids so you will need to have some amount of communication. Make them as cordial and unemotional as you can.


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## fatherof3 (Jan 13, 2009)

I agree that we have to be cordial, at least for the kids sake.....but i have so much animosity built up that it is very hard to smile and say see u next time honey....ugh...ugh...i don't know, if she would just leave me alone i would do soooo much better, but because we have kids it is hard to do that....


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## toomanytears (Apr 15, 2009)

It's very hard to be around each other when your spouse has cheated on you. I am dealing with my husband walking out and having a full on affair. My anger level is extreme plus!!! Time apart is needed to process emotions. Too much time with no communication, such as in my case, just makes me more angry, especially in my case where husband is not supporting me financially and I am disabled.

You do have to be cordial because of the kids. Since you need time to process your feelings, tell your wife and communicate why, what for and make your feelings known. Because you will always share kids, like amplexor said, there have to be ground rules on communication.


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