# football or family?



## BackOnTrack

I have been a religious fan of our local NFL team since 1990. Now our youngest son (17yo) has also become just like me in this regard. I have taken him to many games and we watch our team together every season. It has become something that both my son and I share together. Next weekend, our team will be playing in it's third post season game in over a decade. This is very important to both of us.

Unfortunately, my wife's brother is having his 40th birthday party at the same time as the game. My BIL is not a sports fan in any way and would be pissed if we watch the game at his party. My wife politely demanded that we all go to the party together. Normally she would not have an big issue with my son and I staying home and if this were a regular season game, we would probably accompany her. But since this is a milestone birthday, she believes this is an important event.

After informing her that I would be staying behind, she insisted that my 17yo would have to go. I then stated that neither my youngest son nor I will not be attending but my older son will go with her. This has obviously not gone over well as she is feeling disappointed/pissed in both my son and I. There is now a bit of friction in the house at the moment. I'm not a heartless bastard, so I have to say that I do feel guilty for making a stand. So I wanted to find out what others think. Am I an ass for making this stand?


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## Mistys dad

Get a DVR.

Go to party.

Watch recorded game when you get home.




Your welcome.


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## TiggyBlue

I agree with mistys dad, doing this will come and bite you in the *ss in the future.


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## Mavash.

Family should take priority over football.

Thankfully with today's technology you can have both. Win/win.


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## ManUp

Mistys dad said:


> Get a DVR.
> 
> Go to party.
> 
> Watch recorded game when you get home.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Your welcome.


This. I do this all the time. Leave your phone at home so you're not tempted to check the score and be fully engaged in the party. The great thing about recording the game is you can skip ALL of the nonsense. Her family is your family and they are far more important than a football game. And dude, I am a hardcore sports fan. If somebody is keeping score, I'll watch it.


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## Joanie

In our house, if there is an event or family function while a game is on he simply DVR's it. It has prevented many a fight! Years ago, before the DVR, he would not move off the sofa for an entire Sunday. From 1pm til 11pm. At least now I can get him off his ass for a while and then he comes home and zips through the commercials. He actually said he enjoys watching the games this way. It's only a game...plus, as you know the Patriots are going to win it all this year so it won't hurt you to miss the game....LOL....I know....just beings a smartie pants. I really could give a rats ass who wins! Not a football fan, more like a football widow!


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## thatbpguy

Mistys dad said:


> Get a DVR.
> 
> Go to party.
> 
> Watch recorded game when you get home.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Your welcome.


Perfect advice.

And, yes, you are being an ass.


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## BackOnTrack

Thanks for the reply's everyone. You guys are killing me though. I was afraid that this would be the general consensus. We don't have a dvr and with my wife being out of work and credit cards still smoldering from Christmas shopping, it makes it a hard sell for a new dvr and another monthly charge added to the satellite bill. 

The party is going to be in a separate area of a pizza restaurant. No tv's in that area, but I'm betting it will be on in the restaurant, so shielding myself from the game will be impossible, and I will be seen as an #&%*^*# if I am distraced with what's going on in the other area of the restaurant. I'm screwed

There is still time for someone to back me up on this


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## Twofaces

If it was the superbowl, id vote for you. However its playoffs, so i vote family.


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## Joanie

Hahaha...good luck with the backup~ Do you have a buddy who would dvr it for you? Watch the Movie Fever Pitch.....refresh your mind of what happens when the fella misses a big event in his womans life! Boston sports fan....ah...you gotta love em....(well, I do since I live in New England)!


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## Anubis

I've been in the same boat, and I've always chose family events over the team I've rooted for most of my life..


Wait... is your team the team that kept MY team from the playoffs? That could change my answer ... :FIREdevil:


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## kag123

I dunno...I am a woman and if I knew my H AND my son were hardcore fans, I would be ok with it. But, I enjoy football myself so I would probably be just as irritated that my brother was having a bday party during the playoff game and would probably rib him a bit about it.

I know I am in the minority though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964

If you don't have a DVR I am sure you can find the game online somewhere afterward. We've found NFL games for free online when they aren't televised in our area.

We routinely skip events to stay home and watch our teams, but a 40th birthday that your wife feels is important should trump the game.

It does irritate me when people plan stuff during playoffs though. I mean, they should take us hardcore fans needs into consideration, right??


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## BackOnTrack

Hope1964 said:


> It does irritate me when people plan stuff during playoffs though. I mean, they should take us hardcore fans needs into consideration, right??


I wholeheartedly agree. What's worse is that we had to decline an invite for a friend's 50th b-day party that is at the same time/day as her brother's party. However, the soon to be 50yo friend is a Raiders fan, so it could be a conspiracy against all 49er's fans.


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## BackOnTrack

Anubis said:


> Wait... is your team the team that kept MY team from the playoffs? That could change my answer ... :FIREdevil:




Good luck for you and your team tomorrow. I would love a rematch between the Seahawks and niners.


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## okeydokie

ok, im an ass too, i would tell everybody too bad so sad, watching the game. i never do anything for myself so i would put my foot down. of course i wouldnt say im happily married so the repercussions wouldnt bother me much


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## Phenix70

If this were my husband, I'd tell him to stay home & watch the game.
I wouldn't want him to be miserable at the party when I knew he'd be much happier at home.
And knowing my husband, down the road, he would return the favor for me.


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## Hope1964

Well since Green Bay won today (YEAH!!!! GO PACK!!) we have this very dilemma next Saturday. My boss is throwing a 50th for his girlfriend starting at 7. Should we
a) suck it up and go
b) go and demand to watch the game there
c) stay home and watch it and go to the party late
d) OTHER???


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## dubbizle

Do you have a small radio,because Radio broadcaster do a great job with the games and you and your son could go listen someplace,or ask the Pizza place owner to put it on their radio.

Hope1964-Go late to the party.


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## Spacey

Seriously? This is your issue? Go to the birthday party!! Will you remember this specific game 10 years from now? Probably not. Chances are that you will remember the 40th birthday party though.


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## okeydokie

Spacey said:


> Seriously? This is your issue? Go to the birthday party!! Will you remember this specific game 10 years from now? Probably not. Chances are that you will remember the 40th birthday party though.


yeah, i would remember that i went to the friggin party and missed the game


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## arbitrator

I've gone to parties for various reasons while the NFL postseason was in swing, and chances are, you will not be the only males there that will be interested. 

I would bet the farm that they'll at least have a bedroom or an ante-room set up with a functioning TV in it, and I'd further wager that you won't exactly be the only person there showing an interest in the game.

Having said that, go to the party, stick your head in occasionally if they have a TV made available for that purpose, but do not "live" in there.

Or you can do what my best friend has done in the past: TIVO/tape the game back at home and tell folks not to give you updates on the scores. Then when you get back to your abode, you can watch it "from scratch" just as if it's being played live!

Following this advise will far better serve you in the long run!

P.S. Hope that your team ain't the Cowboys! They have been mine ever since I was a young kid but I'm totally frustrated and disenchanted with the lout who bought the franchise, fired my beloved Tom Landry and is seemingly doing his level best to make an absolute shambles of the team!


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## heavensangel

kag123 said:


> I dunno...I am a woman and if I knew my H AND my son were hardcore fans, I would be ok with it. But, I enjoy football myself so I would probably be just as irritated that my brother was having a bday party during the playoff game and would probably rib him a bit about it.
> 
> I know I am in the minority though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me, too! I'm a HUGE football fan (any other sport, not so much).....I have a team but will watch any game just because I love the sport. This is something Hubs and I do together. If it were our team....I'd have to say: Sorry Brother, but let us take you to dinner some time later in the week, our treat! 

If your BIL really knows/cares for you, he'd be willing to compromise and allow you to watch the game and mingle @ the same time; so should your wife. In doing so, you'd both be teaching your sons the art of 'compromise in their marriages'. JMO


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## BackOnTrack

Spacey said:


> Seriously? This is your issue? Go to the birthday party!! Will you remember this specific game 10 years from now? Probably not. Chances are that you will remember the 40th birthday party though.


Call me crazy, but i'm the opposite in this regard. I remember much of every significant game that i've seen and the emotions that went along with the big plays of each game. Last year's playoff game between my 49ers and Saints was absolutely remarkable. I will never forget the time I shared with my son as we watched together and then celebrated after the incredible victory. No birthday party can ever compare to the bonding time spent with my son.


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## joe kidd

Niners huh? Oh yeah, Big Niners fan here. Knowing how I feel about my team and the fact playoff appearances have been at a premium the last decade my wife would tell me to stay home.

*edit* Was just informed by wife that would make me an a$$. Since that is not a well kept secret anyway.......


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## BackOnTrack

Phenix70 said:


> If this were my husband, I'd tell him to stay home & watch the game.
> I wouldn't want him to be miserable at the party when I knew he'd be much happier at home.
> And knowing my husband, down the road, he would return the favor for me.


After talking to my wife a bit more, your point above is closer to how she feels now. She said she is more disappointed that the game is at the same time as the party and causing this problem as opposed to disappointment in my son and I. She understands how important this is to my son and I and will be cool with whatever we decide to do. She's an amazing woman!

With that said, I still want to figure out a way to make everyone happy(or close to happy). So I'm considering these options.

(1)Stay home and enjoy game with my son and make it up to BIL later. Send along a nice gift.

(2)Go to party for a short period of time to wish him a happy birthday and drop off a nice gift. Then head back home.


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## joe kidd

BackOnTrack said:


> After talking to my wife a bit more, your point above is closer to how she feels now. She said she is more disappointed that the game is at the same time as the party and causing this problem as opposed to disappointment in my son and I. She understands how important this is to my son and I and will be cool with whatever we decide to do. She's an amazing woman!
> 
> With that said, I still want to figure out a way to make everyone happy(or close to happy). So I'm considering these options.
> 
> (1)Stay home and enjoy game with my son and make it up to BIL later. Send along a nice gift.
> 
> (2)Go to party for a short period of time to wish him a happy birthday and drop off a nice gift. Then head back home.


#2.


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## BackOnTrack

joe kidd said:


> Niners huh? Oh yeah, Big Niners fan here. Knowing how I feel about my team and the fact playoff appearances have been at a premium the last decade my wife would tell me to stay home.
> 
> *edit* Was just informed by wife that would make me an a$$. Since that is not a well kept secret anyway.......


a$$es unite!

wait...that sounded so wrong. Never mind


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## BrookeT

IMO, bailing out on something that is important to your wife to watch s game is pretty pathetic. Get your priorities in order, because right now they clearly aren't.

Stuff like this is how resentment builds up, you are saying to her, football is more important than you are.


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## Phenix70

BackOnTrack said:


> After talking to my wife a bit more, your point above is closer to how she feels now. She said she is more disappointed that the game is at the same time as the party and causing this problem as opposed to disappointment in my son and I. She understands how important this is to my son and I and will be cool with whatever we decide to do. She's an amazing woman!
> 
> With that said, I still want to figure out a way to make everyone happy(or close to happy). So I'm considering these options.
> 
> (1)Stay home and enjoy game with my son and make it up to BIL later. Send along a nice gift.
> 
> (2)Go to party for a short period of time to wish him a happy birthday and drop off a nice gift. Then head back home.


Sometimes life works out in such a way that you just can't please everyone at the same time.
It's so important for you to spend time bonding with your son & I applaud you for doing so.
He will remember this & all the time you spent together.
I think doing either #1 or 2 would work, I do like #1 more because not only are you sending the gift, but you're acknowledging wanting to do something specifically for your BIL at a later date. 
I think #1 shows more concern.


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## Thundarr

BrookeT said:


> IMO, bailing out on something that is important to your wife to watch s game is pretty pathetic. Get your priorities in order, because right now they clearly aren't.
> 
> Stuff like this is how resentment builds up, you are saying to her, football is more important than you are.


Perfect compromise would be to go and watch some of the game there. Unfortunately the BIL would be offended so that's not a good option.

Also, wife is trying to show respect for her family by having everyone there but she and her brother do not return that respect to her son or husband otherwise BIL wouldn't be offended by them watching the game there.

So there's plenty of disrespect to go around on both sides here. It's not black and white unless you choose to see it that way.


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## TryingandFrustrated

I definitely wouldn't go to the party if you are not going to be a happy person there. It would be much better for both you and your wife if you stayed home. I know my wife would rather me stay home if I was going to be moping around at the party. I know my wife is coming home from shopping with a friend in time so I can head over to a friends house to watch the game this afternoon.

I've not done things in the past that I wanted to do, just to "try and make my wife happy", and sometimes that whole philosophy backfired on me. I'd wind up going to the event and supposedly I didn't appear completely happy I was there. I wouldn't say I was moping around, but I suppose I wasn't in a super jovial mood.

I'd think your two options that you've worked out with your wife are great options and should well. Good luck and hopefully enjoy watching the game if that is the route you choose.


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## IndiaInk

BackOnTrack said:


> Call me crazy, but i'm the opposite in this regard. I remember much of every significant game that i've seen and the emotions that went along with the big plays of each game. Last year's playoff game between my 49ers and Saints was absolutely remarkable. I will never forget the time I shared with my son as we watched together and then celebrated after the incredible victory. No birthday party can ever compare to the bonding time spent with my son.


People who are not big sports fans can never really get it.

But I'm the same way.

They've done brain scan studies and after their team wins, die-hard fans have the EXACT SAME brain regions activated as the players who were in the game...the win feels the same to both the fans and the players...that's why we so often say "we won" when talking about our teams....so it can be tremendously memorable and exciting.

(Watching the Mavericks win the NBA Championship in 2011 was definitely like that for me.)

I also don't really like watching DVR'd games...something about knowing it already happened just spoils it a little...still, that's probably your best option

(especially considering I think there's a chance that the Packers are gonna be what the Giants were last year.)

But hmmm...for me, this might come down to how much I actually liked my BIL...it might not be right, but I would be very tempted to miss it


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## IndiaInk

Thundarr said:


> I've read about these studies as well. Psychology Today magazine had an article about it. And I just lived it over this past bowl season as my two favorites won in stressful fashion. My wife is awesome enough to make concessions for big games during football season. She went to a couple of family things without me.
> 
> I asked her what's up with her family getting all extra family oriented every fall. It's like *a test* for all of the hunting fanatics and football fans. Seeing if we are good boys or not I guess.


For most of my life I did not follow sports at all. I thought it was absurd that people could care so much about men running on a field or up and down a court.

But once I got into them...I got _*really*_ into them (mostly football and basketball). And now I don't understand how I ever didn't care...OR how there are people who still don't care!

LOL

I have left weddings and parties early to catch the end of games...so I really can't tell the OP to do any different.

When I go to a function and am talking to someone I just met, usually one of my first questions is:

_"So...do you follow sports?"_

If they _"yes"_... it's all good---and we can talk teams, the BCS ranking system, coaches,obnoxious owners, recent scandals, make predictions etc...it's a proverbial Pandora's box of conversation.

But if they so "No".

Ugh.

I think _"Oh great. Now we get to have some tedious, strained conversation about the weather, or your accounting job or how good the artichoke dip is"_


(Oh and I'm a rather girly girl---so I honestly get annoyed with people now (especially men) who don't watch any sports. It's THE BEST small talk with someone you don't know)

But since I used to be the same way---I know this is kind of hypocritical of me

Anyway...we sport's junkies understand your struggle OP. 

You are not alone.


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## okeydokie

if it was your brothers party and your wife got an invitation from her girlfriend to see a play she has been dying to see, what would the situation end up like?


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## heavensangel

LOL I have left weddings and parties early to catch the end of games...so I really can't tell the OP to do any different.

This statement reminded me of my sister's wedding reception. Her and her husband were fans of two rival college football teams. Their wedding & reception were planned on the Saturday their game was playing. They had a big screen TV set up at their reception specifically for them & their guests to watch and party at the same time.


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## WorkingOnMe

I'd stay home and watch the game. It's your brother in law. It's not like its your kids milestone birthday. I've been married 20 years and have never been to any in-law's birthday party. It's not like he's 12.


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## IndiaInk

heavensangel said:


> LOL I have left weddings and parties early to catch the end of games...so I really can't tell the OP to do any different.
> 
> This statement reminded me of my sister's wedding reception. Her and her husband were fans of two rival college football teams. Their wedding & reception were planned on the Saturday their game was playing. They had a big screen TV set up at their reception specifically for them & their guests to watch and party at the same time.


That's awesome.

My kinda people.


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## OrangeCrush

do you enjoy your BIL's company? what about the other people likely to be at his party?

party with awesome people > watching the game (and i am a football fan!)

watching the game > stuck at a party with people who are boring and/or annoying.


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## clay_davis

I wouldn't go, because if I did I'd be miserable and unpleasant to be around. My best option would be to skip the family outing and watch the game.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson

Personally, I'd take root canal over football, so a birthday party vs football is a no-brainer for me.

Family's for life. Watching millionaires participate in modern gladiatorial games loosely based on a kids' game is transitory.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedTex

Send a nice gift with the wife and set a specific date the following weekend for you to buy lunch for his family and yours. Done!


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## Kimberley17

I am currently going through a divorce. One of the issues was my husband would choose to stay home to watch football then do things as a family with the kids and me. Go with your wife.. it's not worth causing her disappointment. After all, I understand having a passion for a sport but it's only a game. We're talking about your family. Plus, you are teaching your son to choose football over family when I feel you should be teaching him family first so he can make a great husband one day. JMO


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## BackOnTrack

Pipedream said:


> I'd say go to the party. If you stay and watch the game you will probably be disappointed. Frisco is looking a lil shakey down the stretch. Gore getting burnt out, vernon davis having a bad year....Justin Smith is hurt but playing...Kap's first game as a rook.
> Harbaugh will need some of his magic to come through.
> 
> Packers are rounding into form...Rodgers 3-1 on road playoffs...matthews is healthy...First game of the season has no relevance on this game...It's looking a little shaky for Frisco...You might just want to go to the party and not endure the heartbreak that's about to come.


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## BackOnTrack

Kimberley17 said:


> I am currently going through a divorce. One of the issues was my husband would choose to stay home to watch football then do things as a family with the kids and me. Go with your wife.. it's not worth causing her disappointment. After all, I understand having a passion for a sport but it's only a game. We're talking about your family. Plus, you are teaching your son to choose football over family when I feel you should be teaching him family first so he can make a great husband one day. JMO


I hear ya. I can imagine how frustrating that is for you. I'm well acquainted with the pain of rejection and the feeling of being a distant second to a computer screen in my marriage. Fortunately, that problem had been repaired. I can only say that while I do take my football viewing time seriously, I do not neglect my family or put sports ahead of them.

In fact, I believe I do much more for my family than many guys out there. I have always had a close relationship with my kids and do a lot for them. I also make spending time with my wife a priority with weekly lunch dates, long drives, and lots of one on one conversation time every night of the week. It has not always been this way, but we have a better marriage now than we have ever had.

With that said, after doing everything needed to provide and care for my family,I don't believe it's too much to ask that I be permitted to use 4 hours of the weekend to watch something that brings a little joy to my life.


So now for the update:

I decided to stay home and watch the game with my son. I purchased a very cool gift for my BIL and had planned to call him during the party to wish him a happy birthday. I had also planned to offer (as advised in this thread) to take his family out for dinner another time. BUT, I never got the chance.

The party got postponed as his family got the dreaded flu that, in spite of news reports, has made it's way to CA.  With any luck, they will be feeling much better soon, and reschedule for any day other than next Sunday or Superbowl Sunday


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## C-man

I think a dvr is a good idea.

However, I can't understand why having the game on in another room at the Birthday party was such a big deal. Surely your BIL must realize that there will be people at the party who would want to watch the game? Especially if it's a family event. You go, you socialize and you check out the game. Seriously, I don't get why the you can't have a compromise like that.


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## Grayson

Cedarman said:


> I think a dvr is a good idea.
> 
> However, I can't understand why having the game on in another room at the Birthday party was such a big deal. Surely your BIL must realize that there will be people at the party who would want to watch the game? Especially if it's a family event. You go, you socialize and you check out the game. Seriously, I don't get why the you can't have a compromise like that.


I know. How selfish of the brother in law to invite people to the event and expect them to participate in that event instead of sequestering themselves away from it and doing exactly what they'd be doing if they hadn't shown up. Which, mentally, they didn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad

Hope1964 said:


> It does irritate me when people plan stuff during playoffs though. I mean, they should take us hardcore fans needs into consideration, right??


This exactly. 
I know in my family if it is a big playoff game that my team is in, I'm not missing it. My wife knows that. In my family, if there is an event during the team playoff game, it will either be on the TV or we will be somewhere that has the game on. The wifes family, not exactly the same. I have missed some things for sports, nothing major to this point though. 
But again, I don't believe you should have to choose. It should be both. And those who say you DVR it, you aren't a real sports fan. major sports events don't just get put on DVR, they are to be watched live, there is too much chance that you could find out a result before watching it, and that is not acceptable.


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## gbrad

Grayson said:


> I know. How selfish of the brother in law to invite people to the event and expect them to participate in that event instead of sequestering themselves away from it and doing exactly what they'd be doing if they hadn't shown up. Which, mentally, they didn't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nice sarcasm, but it actually was quite selfish. To be upset if the game is on in another room? My wife and family know that if I have to go somewhere when an important game is on, I won't be there mentally if I can't watch the game. I would just be stewing inside and very pissed that I was not watching it.


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## Thundarr

gbrad said:


> *Nice sarcasm, but it actually was quite selfish. To be upset if the game is on in another room?* My wife and family know that if I have to go somewhere when an important game is on, I won't be there mentally if I can't watch the game. I would just be stewing inside and very pissed that I was not watching it.


This still seems like two extremes. Where's common sense where someone can go to the event and watch some of the game while at the event.

Maybe OP is justifying this so he can watch the whole game at home comfortable. It just doesn't sound reasonable for them to be mad at him if he watches some of the game while at the party. If they truly would be offended then I would not consider going.


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## C-man

Grayson said:


> I know. How selfish of the brother in law to invite people to the event and expect them to participate in that event instead of sequestering themselves away from it and doing exactly what they'd be doing if they hadn't shown up. Which, mentally, they didn't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a FAMILY event. It's not a funeral. For crissake. Unless the entire family has pickles up their butts what is the big deal. And who said anything about sequestering? You have the game on in the basement - you check it out, you watch a bit - and you socialize at your FAMILY event.

Doesn't the pickle irritate you?


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## C-man

The BIL must be quite the control freak if he insists that NOBODY watches "the game" during his birthday celebration. I feel sorry for the BIL's wife. I wonder if the BIL insists that all the kitchen towels be lined up perfectly too?

ALL BOW DOWN FOR THE BIL!!!


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## dubbizle

You need to tell your BL the date of Superbowl Sunday right now.


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## wantittolast

Most women dont understand the importance of team sports in a man or boys life, especially if she/they have never participated in team sports themsleves. My wife hates sports and will occasionally nag me about it when I watch very little \, but when it comes to the playoffs she knows its game-on! In fact last week I bought her a Rodgers female jersey and we watched the game together at a Packer bar. Unless this guy is gonna drop off the planet she should let you work him in around the game somehow.


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## *LittleDeer*

I think he's sending the wrong message to his son. Family should come first, hobbies and games etc second.

Goes for men or women.


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## sinnister

Don't listen to these civilians. Football IS life!

Remember that.

Just kidding.


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## joe kidd

Family......I guess inlaws count. Honestly though they are way down on my list of important things in my life.


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## arbitrator

joe kidd said:


> Family......I guess inlaws count. Honestly though they are way down on my list of important things in my life.


And while inlaws may rank down the food chain a little bit, I'd bet the farm that they'd have a TV in some small room that people could stick their head in on, without bothering the crux of the party-goers.

And with that being said, the greater probability is that there will be at least a couple of those inlaws milling around in there keeping tabs on that same game as well!


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## BackOnTrack

I guess I should jump in here. Prior to the party being canceled, it was made known that I may not be attending the party. They immediately knew why (it's no secret that I am a rabid 9ers fan) and they indicated that there would be tv's at the restaurant and some of BIL's wifes family would likely be watching the game too (those same people that ruined the previous year's party ;-) ) 

In my opinion, if I'm going to be in another area watching the game, what's the point in going? I'm a introvert and am rarely comfortable at these things anyway. It's not as though I'm particular close with anyone there. The other people are much closer to BIL whereas I'm just the husband of his sister.


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## Grayson

gbrad said:


> Nice sarcasm, but it actually was quite selfish. To be upset if the game is on in another room? My wife and family know that if I have to go somewhere when an important game is on, I won't be there mentally if I can't watch the game. I would just be stewing inside and very pissed that I was not watching it.


Wow. Great priorities. Watching millionaires play a game is more important than human interaction.

Tell you what...invite me over for dinner. Instead o joining everyone else at the table and enjoying good food and good company, I'll sit in another room and play Angry Birds on my phone. Same concept.

Except I don't stew inside and get very pissed if I can't play Angry Birds.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Grayson

Cedarman said:


> It's a FAMILY event. It's not a funeral. For crissake. Unless the entire family has pickles up their butts what is the big deal. And who said anything about sequestering? You have the game on in the basement - you check it out, you watch a bit - and you socialize at your FAMILY event.
> 
> Doesn't the pickle irritate you?


As you yourself asked, what IS the big deal about watching the game? Why is it so all-consumingly important?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson

dubbizle said:


> You need to tell your BL the date of Superbowl Sunday right now.


I always make sure I know the date of the Stupor Bowl.

It's GREAT for going out to eat and not having to wait for a table. Or for running most any errands that need it. And, no matter what network it's on, there's usually a special episode of a show I enjoy on immediately following.

So, my wife and I LOVE Stupor Bowl Sunday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## C-man

Grayson said:


> As you yourself asked, what IS the big deal about watching the game? Why is it so all-consumingly important?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As a host, I would understand about the importance of the game to SOME of the guests. Especially if it is a family event. I don't know about your family, but when my family gets together it is fun, lots of laughter, and sometimes brutal honesty. If some drama queen wants to sulk because he/she is not getting 100% of the guests' attention, they would not last very long. Again, it is a FAMILY function, not a bloody funeral.


----------



## C-man

Grayson said:


> I always make sure I know the date of the Stupor Bowl.
> 
> It's GREAT for going out to eat and not having to wait for a table. Or for running most any errands that need it. And, no matter what network it's on, there's usually a special episode of a show I enjoy on immediately following.
> 
> So, my wife and I LOVE Stupor Bowl Sunday.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Oh, NOW I see. You just don't like football. But you see, it's not the specific event. As a host, I would make sure to understand the guests' interests. If an important event coincided with my party, I would find some way to compromise and I wouldn't impose my particular dislike of their interests. Eg - a tv playing in another room. And everybody would STILL have fun and nobody's night would be ruined.


----------



## Acorn

The key here is to proactively look at the NFL schedule early in the year, plan parties/events months in advance on the playoff days, and invite your wife to attend.

Best case, you get to watch the games with your wife, and worst case you get to go by yourself and have switched things to a point where you have the moral high ground and your wife is the one finding reasons to get out of going and/or going into another room to socialize with the other wives and not "be present at the event".


----------



## Grayson

Cedarman said:


> Oh, NOW I see. You just don't like football. But you see, it's not the specific event. As a host, I would make sure to understand the guests' interests. If an* important event coincided with my party*, I would find some way to compromise and I wouldn't impose my particular dislike of their interests. Eg - a tv playing in another room. And everybody would STILL have fun and nobody's night would be ruined.


I agree, to a point. Trying to accommodate every guest's interest, though? That way lies madness.

I don't agree, however, with defining any sporting event as an "important" event. It's a game. Nothing more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BackOnTrack

Thundarr said:


> And here I was thinking this was a legitimate post. Looks more like a troller now with that comment. I won't be adding anything else and hopefully others will drop this thread as well.


How does any of this make me a troll? My question from the beginning was legitimate. I started this thread to see what others thought before getting into a more in depth conversation with my wife about this as I was feeling pretty guilty and emotions were raw on both sides. I showed her this thread and we talked about it. Having different opinions from both side of the aile helped both of us. Afterall, I thought that was the whole point of this forum.


----------



## joe kidd

Never got the big deal about B-days anyway. I would never subject people to "having" to spend the day with me just because mom squeezed me out that day. BTW...when did an invite become mandatory?


----------



## BackOnTrack

joe kidd said:


> Never got the big deal about B-days anyway. I would never subject people to "having" to spend the day with me just because mom squeezed me out that day. BTW...when did an invite become mandatory?



:iagree:

I've never been real excited about stuff like this. My idea of the perfect bday is some good sex with my wife and a nice relaxing day. Throw in a cake and a beer and that's good enough for me.


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## Hope1964

We watched half the Green Bay game at home and then went to our party and watched the other half there. Wish we'd stayed home.

I don't understand people who want to throw big parties for their birthdays either. I would much rather have a quiet dinner out with my hubby and kids and MAYBE my parents, then go home, have a couple drinks, and have some nice relaxing sex. Or go away for a romantic weekend.

Speaking of romantic weekends, we're going to the mountains this weekend. On Sunday we're holing up in our room with beer, cheese and crackers, and football. I am hoping to try out the sex game we invented based around football


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## joe kidd

Hope1964 said:


> We watched half the Green Bay game at home and then went to our party and watched the other half there. Wish we'd stayed home.
> 
> I don't understand people who want to throw big parties for their birthdays either. I would much rather have a quiet dinner out with my hubby and kids and MAYBE my parents, then go home, have a couple drinks, and have some nice relaxing sex. Or go away for a romantic weekend.
> 
> Speaking of romantic weekends, we're going to the mountains this weekend. On Sunday we're holing up in our room with beer, cheese and crackers, and football. I am hoping to try out the sex game we invented based around football


First Down! :rofl:


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## 2ntnuf

I'm extremely late to this. I admit, I didn't know how I felt or how to comment. I understand from this page(I have read others) the comments made by Thundarr, JoeKidd and BOT just above. I guess I always felt this way, too. It got me in trouble with my last wife cause she wanted me to be there at all the family functions and sometimes I really didn't want to be there. She gave up on going with me and that led to more and....

The point is, someone said what's the big deal, dvr it or something like that. Another says watch in another room. More than likely, it would be okay to do either. Dvr is not like live brosdcast, though.

I can't figure this one out. I think you should talk to some of the male relatives, but if you love your wife, you will do what makes her feel best and if that means dvr, that's what you do. Swallowing your pride seems like a hard thing and it is. I think you can bet she will be receptive to something you want to do when she does not, if you handle this carefully. That is your prize. 

We don't always get something for what we do. We sometimes just do it cause it's the right thing to do and it makes us feel good. If she doesn't reciprocate, then you will have something to consider. Do you want to be with a selfish person? I think this is what she is thinking at the moment, don't you?


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## Hope1964

I think sports is just one of those things that neither side will ever get the others side on. It's one of those irreconcilable things that sometimes one party has to compromise on and sometimes the other does.

I am so lucky to have a hubby who enjoys the same sports I do!! And he's lucky to have a wife like me


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## C-man

bfree just linked to some video of a guy who should definitely stay home when it's family vs football.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/65493-perfect-example-beta-behavior.html#post1365544


:rofl:


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## C-man

Man... even the dog was disgusted!


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## joe kidd

OT. I have a 49ers sweatshirt that was bought the last time they won the SB. Swore I would keep it until they won again. They need to win...this thing is on it's last legs.


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## gbrad

Grayson said:


> Wow. Great priorities. Watching millionaires play a game is more important than human interaction.
> 
> Tell you what...invite me over for dinner. Instead o joining everyone else at the table and enjoying good food and good company, I'll sit in another room and play Angry Birds on my phone. Same concept.
> 
> Except I don't stew inside and get very pissed if I can't play Angry Birds.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you dedicated to angry birds? Is that something that you can control when it does and does not happen? Are you emotionally invested in angry birds? I'm not joking when I ask these questions, because these are things that are real for someone who is a true fan and dedicated to the sport and team they love. 
To me it is really simple; you don't plan these things on the day of big playoff games. And then everyone wins.


----------



## gbrad

Grayson said:


> I agree, to a point. Trying to accommodate every guest's interest, though? That way lies madness.
> 
> I don't agree, however, with defining any sporting event as an "important" event. It's a game. Nothing more.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What are your hobbies in life? You don't see sports as important, that is fine. But to me, if I am going to dedicate any of my time to a hobby (which most people do have hobbies of their own), I am going to give all of myself to it. It will either be extremely important and I will care about it to the extreme or I won't care at all and it won't be in my life much at all. I am an all or nothing type of person, I'm not going to half a$$ a hobby/interest.


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## Grayson

gbrad said:


> Are you dedicated to angry birds? Is that something that you can control when it does and does not happen? Are you emotionally invested in angry birds? I'm not joking when I ask these questions, because these are things that are real for someone who is a true fan and dedicated to the sport and team they love.
> To me it is really simple; you don't plan these things on the day of big playoff games. And then everyone wins.


Or, you plan them whenever the heck you want, and possibly learn which of your friends and family have the priorities of a twelve year old.

Or, let's do take your advice. Ok...I've now accommodated the guests who are inordinately obsessed with sports. Now...what OTHER schedules should I take into account? Or are obsessed sports fans the only guests I should attempt to accommodate?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson

gbrad said:


> What are your hobbies in life? You don't see sports as important, that is fine. But to me, if I am going to dedicate any of my time to a hobby (which most people do have hobbies of their own), I am going to give all of myself to it. It will either be extremely important and I will care about it to the extreme or I won't care at all and it won't be in my life much at all. I am an all or nothing type of person, I'm not going to half a$$ a hobby/interest.


I have several hobbies, thanks. Some that I'm quite passionate about, and some which might be better described as pastimes. Some of those do indeed have events that I don't control the scheduling of AND have no alternative means of viewing/participation like a DVR/VCR. Some of those events, I've missed to attend some other function or just plain been unable to attend. While I may have been disappointed to miss them, I can honestly say I've never stewed about it, gotten pissed about it, etc. One can care about hobbies "to the extreme" an be all-in and still prioritize other human beings over them.

Unless, apparently, one is a sports fan.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964

Grayson said:


> Unless, apparently, one is a sports fan.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you are not a sports fan, you will never understand sports fans.

I become more rabid every football season. We drove 2500 km to watch our first NFL game last year. Missed my cousins wedding to do so.


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## Paulination

You don't need to get a DVR, get satelite service like Directv and they come with it. They can be there tomorrow and with all of the promos thay have you will pay less than cable.

The price you'll pay for not being at the party is too high. I'm all for taking a stand on a mountain but this is not the right mountain (this coming from a huge NFL fan, though sadly my team missed the playoffs about 1 1/2 months ago).


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## Cheryl88

Haven't read the whole thread but thankfully this won't ever be a problem for us as I love sports just as much as my fiance! I did my degree in Sports Journalism so I truly have totally immersed myself in it! :smthumbup:

It's completely pointless trying to describe the emotion, passion & levels of devotion that sport provokes to a non-sports fan. There is nothing to compare it to so they simply won't get it.


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## Acorn

Hope1964 said:


> If you are not a sports fan, you will never understand sports fans.


:iagree:


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## Grayson

Hope1964 said:


> If you are not a sports fan, you will never understand sports fans.
> 
> I become more rabid every football season. We drove 2500 km to watch our first NFL game last year. Missed my cousins wedding to do so.


That's just sad.

I mean, I get traveling a long distance for a special event. I've done it, too. But, choosing to do so to watch millionaire felons pound one another into paste rather than attend what will (hopefully) be a once-in-a-lifetime family event? Even at that, though, I can somewhat understand the decision. If your trip was already planned before the wedding invite came, I can see it. But we're talking abou someone choosing to - basically - watch a TV show over family. That? You're right...I don't get it. And if I ever DO understand it, I'll - at the very least - be disgusted with myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acorn

Grayson said:


> But, choosing to do so to watch [people] pound one another into paste rather than attend what will (hopefully) be a once-in-a-lifetime family event?


The good news is that if there are enough sports fans in a family, and enough intolerant non-sports fans such as you in the same family, you might end up getting both at the same time.


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## Hope1964

Grayson said:


> That's just sad.
> 
> I mean, I get traveling a long distance for a special event. I've done it, too. But, choosing to do so to watch millionaire felons pound one another into paste rather than attend what will (hopefully) be a once-in-a-lifetime family event? Even at that, though, I can somewhat understand the decision. If your trip was already planned before the wedding invite came, I can see it. But we're talking abou someone choosing to - basically - watch a TV show over family. That? You're right...I don't get it. And if I ever DO understand it, I'll - at the very least - be disgusted with myself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it's sad that you think it's sad. Millionaire felons?? LMAO :lol: Anyway, whether you approve or not, I don't care 

Here in Canada, Grey Cup is a very cool excuse to see Canada and party with fellow football fans. We go every year. There's just something about the camaraderie that you don't find anywhere else. I imagine Superbowl is the same, but times ten. The NFL game we went to in Green Bay was similar in atmosphere to Grey cup. I can only imagine what Superbowl is like.


----------



## Grayson

Pipedream said:


> Please take off your mask, your true colors are beginning to show.


And those colors would be...?



> .I'm guessing you're a NASCAR guy and have a burning cross. Lol.


You're guessing wrong. Watching ******** make a series of left turns at high speed isn't my idea of fun, either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson

Hope1964 said:


> I think it's sad that you think it's sad. Millionaire felons?? LMAO :lol: Anyway, whether you approve or not, I don't care
> 
> Here in Canada, Grey Cup is a very cool excuse to see Canada and party with fellow football fans. We go every year. There's just something about the camaraderie that you don't find anywhere else. I imagine Superbowl is the same, but times ten. The NFL game we went to in Green Bay was similar in atmosphere to Grey cup. I can only imagine what Superbowl is like.


It's not the enjoyment of football I find sad. (It's just mystifying. ;-) ) What I find sad is the choice of football (or any pastime) over family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy

Grayson said:


> It's not the enjoyment of football I find sad. (It's just mystifying. ;-) ) What I find sad is the choice of football (or any pastime) over family.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is a loaded statement with any number of false assumptions.


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## Hope1964

Tall Average Guy said:


> That is a loaded statement with any number of false assumptions.


Sure is.

If my family doesn't want to share in my love of football, that's pretty sad for them


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## Tall Average Guy

Hope1964 said:


> Sure is.
> 
> If my family doesn't want to share in my love of football, that's pretty sad for them


I know a family who expects everyone in it to attend every "family" "event." "Family" is defined as extended family. "Event" is defined as something going on that includes one or more family members. Because of the size, there is an event scheduled every weekend. So if you don't attend, even for the birthday party of the niece who can't be bothered to acknowledge that you exist, you are not being a good member of the family. God forbid you want to do something with friends, or take a vacation that does not include other family members. 

So when people suggest that family should always come first, I chuckle.


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## Hope1964

It's all about balance and compromise, like I posted previously in this thread. If you are ignoring everything on a regular basis and expect that your entire family should drop off the face of the planet from September to February every year because of football, that's over the top. But if your family expects something like what you posted, TAG, that's also way over the top.


----------



## CharlieParker

Tall Average Guy said:


> I know a family who expects everyone in it to attend every "family" "event."


Sounds like my family. My wife and 1 only go to the "real" things. Yes, we are not being good members of the family. They've gotten used to it plus they already think we're strange.

Hope, I'm still waiting for Grey Cup pictures.


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## Hope1964

CharlieParker said:


> Hope, I'm still waiting for Grey Cup pictures.


I totally forgot! Here's a link to them. I can't figure out how to change the order - they're in reverse chronological

Grey Cup 2012 Photos by adnillo | Photobucket


----------



## BackOnTrack

Thundarr said:


> You do realize that you've taught your son it doesn't matter what his mother thinks. Let's see how he treats his wife when he has one. Maybe like her opinion doesn't matter much.


When I had the original conversation with my wife on the subject above (in private), I made the point that I believed it was unfair to expect him to miss out on something for which he is equally passionate. This is not just about the game, but also about sharing something with my son that we both enjoy. My boys understand the importance of family and have the utmost respect for both my wife and I. They see the sacrifices that my wife and I make for each other.

They know that we often need to do things for extended family that we would prefer not to do. Like any teen, they will voice their displeasure, but will ultimately do the right thing. But, I also believe it's ok for them to do something important for themselves once in a while.


----------



## gbrad

Grayson said:


> It's not the enjoyment of football I find sad. (It's just mystifying. ;-) ) What I find sad is the choice of football (or any pastime) over family.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


See you are making the assumption that it is the sports fan who is choosing sports over family. The opposite could be said. I see it as the nonsports fan choosing no sports over family. 
If you are not a sports fan or if you are a fareweather fan as they called, you will never understand what the emotion of a true fan. A true fan lives and dies emotionally with the teams they root for. Because to not do so, means they are not a true fan. A fan either cares 100% or they shouldn't care at all. It is just like with any relationship, you give your all, or you shouldn't give at all. I don't want someone to root for the teams I like if they are not going to be emotionally invested. I don't root for those teams because it is fun, I do it because it is a part of who I am. 
Again, if you are not a sports fan, you won't understand, but you don't need to mock those who do. You just make yourself out to be an @$$.


----------



## gbrad

Hope1964 said:


> It's all about balance and compromise, like I posted previously in this thread. If you are ignoring everything on a regular basis and expect that your entire family should drop off the face of the planet from September to February every year because of football, that's over the top. But if your family expects something like what you posted, TAG, that's also way over the top.


Not from September to February. Just on Sundays (mostly) during those months. Sometimes other days as well, but Monday nights have not been as good in recent years and regular TV is really good Monday nights. And it is not like family needs to get together every weekend. And when they do, have some sports on in the background, thats the way it has always been in my family, regardless of the time of year.


----------



## C-man

OK, Enough. It's a Family Birthday party. It's not church. It's not a coronation. It's not a funeral. It's a family event. It's a very, very simple thing to accomodate. And it should be no skin of anybody's nose. Birthdays are supposed to be fun events. And if the family is so uptight that a simple compromise can't be reached, then skipping the event would be a simple decision vs spending a few hours with a bunch of over-serious stuffed shirts.


----------



## Grayson

gbrad said:


> See you are making the assumption that it is the sports fan who is choosing sports over family. The opposite could be said. I see it as the nonsports fan choosing no sports over family.


Seriously?

You're seriously floating the notion that planning a family event of any kind without including a sporting event on the agenda is some terrible slight?



> If you are not a sports fan or if you are a fareweather fan as they called, you will never understand what the emotion of a true fan. A true fan lives and dies emotionally with the teams they root for.


Please tell me you're exaggerating for effect. Sadly, I know you're not. I've seen too many people display this obsessive over-attachment and over-valuation in regards to merely watching grown men get overpaid to play a kids' game.



> Because to not do so, means they are not a true fan. A fan either cares 100% or they shouldn't care at all. It is just like with any relationship, you give your all, or you shouldn't give at all. I don't want someone to root for the teams I like if they are not going to be emotionally invested. I don't root for those teams because it is fun, I do it because it is a part of who I am.
> Again, if you are not a sports fan, you won't understand, but you don't need to mock those who do. You just make yourself out to be an @$$.


Really? You say that someone shouldn't root for your favorite team unless they're as emotionally over-invested as you are, you admit that you don't follow "your" team for enjoyment but because you're wrapped up in it to the exclusion of all else, and *I'm* the @$$?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gbrad

Grayson said:


> Seriously?
> 
> You're seriously floating the notion that planning a family event of any kind without including a sporting event on the agenda is some terrible slight?
> 
> *Not every family event includes sports planned with it, what I am saying is most family events (if they happen at a house) there could easily be a sporting even going on in the background. There is football season, basketball season, baseball season, golf, tennis, etc. Now some are more important than others of course. But I was raised in a family that there was almost always some type of sporting event on tv on the weekend (which is when most family events happen). Unless it is just your average game during the season, it definitely mattered. To this day I don't know how many times the wife has asked if a sporting event was going on when trying to see if I would go to some "thing" with her. She knows it is a questioned that has to be asked. *
> 
> 
> Please tell me you're exaggerating for effect. Sadly, I know you're not. I've seen too many people display this obsessive over-attachment and over-valuation in regards to merely watching grown men get overpaid to play a kids' game.
> 
> *Slight exaggeration on the live or die aspect yes. But just slight. *
> 
> 
> Really? You say that someone shouldn't root for your favorite team unless they're as emotionally over-invested as you are, you admit that you don't follow "your" team for enjoyment but because you're wrapped up in it to the exclusion of all else, and *I'm* the @$$?
> 
> Fully invested or not invested at all. And I never said it was to the exclusion of all else. Do I enjoy my teams and the sports I watch? Yes. But I (and true fans) don't follow it so intently because of the enjoyment. It is painful being fan. There is a great deal more pain and sorrow than there is joy. That is for damn sure. The ups and downs, the roller coaster ride that is being a fan, it is a great emotional ride. It is a very prideful thing to be a fan. It is not just a team you root for, it is your team. They don't win or lose, you win or lose with them. And I wouldn't want it any other way. I have laughed, smiled, jumped, felt my pulse raced, and cried more times than I can count, and thats just part of being a real fan.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acorn

Grayson said:


> I've seen too many people display this obsessive over-attachment and over-valuation in regards to merely watching grown men get overpaid to play a kids' game.


There are people in this thread using wording like "milestone event" and "once-in-a-lifetime event" to talk about grown men throwing a grown 40 year old guy a birthday party, something most kids grew out of when they were 12.


----------



## MrK

BackOnTrack said:


> Unfortunately, my wife's brother is having his 40th birthday party at the same time as the game. My BIL is not a sports fan in any way and *would be pissed if we watch the game at his party*.


Really?

:scratchhead:


----------



## Grayson

Acorn said:


> There are people in this thread using wording like "milestone event" and "once-in-a-lifetime event" to talk about grown men throwing a grown 40 year old guy a birthday party, something most kids grew out of when they were 12.


In actuality, *I* used the term "(hopefully) once-in-a-lifetime event" to refer, not to a birthday gathering, but to a wedding.

And, thanks for the info...I didn't realize that I should have "outgrown" having friends around me for good company and a good meal when I was 12. Because that's what we've done for both my birthday and my wife's for years. No hats, no cakes with candles, no pinatas, no "theme"...just a nice meal out with friends. You're right...how immature. It's MUCH more adult to be so invested in something that, by gbrad's description, you don't even enjoy and causes you pain that you can't forego for a couple of hours.

Sounds dangerously like an addiction to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Grayson

MrK said:


> Really?
> 
> :scratchhead:


I'm not his BIL, but I can somewhat understand the POV. If we've got some sort of gathering planned, and a guest decides to watch a game or movie, spend the whole time on their phone, hang out outside away from the group...I wouldn't describe myself as "pissed," but I'd wonder why they bothered to come in the first place.

Case in point: Until recently, we hosted a monthly poker game. Even if knocked out of the game early, the players stuck around at the table, socializing and enjoying one another's company. They didn't wander off to other areas of the house to do whatever they would have been doing had they stayed home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thundarr

Grayson said:


> I'm not his BIL, but I can somewhat understand the POV. If we've got some sort of gathering planned, and a guest decides to watch a game or movie, spend the whole time on their phone, hang out outside away from the group...I wouldn't describe myself as "pissed," but I'd wonder why they bothered to come in the first place.


I can't put my finger on the problem here. I think it's this; If OP and the BIL have just a tiny bit of socialization skills and sort of like each other then OP could go to the party but watch a lot of the game while there. BIL would feel respected that OP game to his birthday and OP would feel his love for the game (his interest in general) was respected.

It seems like OP or BIL just don't like each other that much if they can't do this.


----------



## Grayson

Thundarr said:


> I can't put my finger on the problem here. I think it's this; If OP and the BIL have just a tiny bit of socialization skills and sort of like each other then OP could go to the party but watch a lot of the game while there. BIL would feel respected that OP game to his birthday and OP would feel his love for the game (his interest in general) was respected.
> 
> It seems like OP or BIL just don't like each other that much if they can't do this.


If I'd planned an event, invited someone, and they showed up but didn't participate in favor of watching TV the entire time, I'm not sure "respected" is the word I'd use to describe how I'd feel. "Tolerated," maybe. But not "respected."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acorn

Grayson said:


> If I'd planned an event, invited someone, and they showed up but didn't participate in favor of watching TV the entire time, I'm not sure "respected" is the word I'd use to describe how I'd feel. "Tolerated," maybe. But not "respected."


So, if you invite a sports fan to your event and he watches some of the game, you will not respect him.

If you invite a sports fan over and he declines the invite because he knows he'll want to watch the game, he has the priorities of a 12 year old.

If you invite a sports fan over and he politely declines but tells you he'd love to go if it were another time, and/or he'll take you out next week because you are so insistent about the date, he's immature.

I'm trying to figure out why you even invited this guy. You don't seem to like him very much, and you have pretty high expectation of him at the same time.


----------



## Acorn

Grayson said:


> And, thanks for the info...I didn't realize that I should have "outgrown" having friends around me for good company and a good meal when I was 12.


When I was 12, I expected everyone to come to my party, the cake would be my flavor, the activity would be of my choosing, and I would think less of people that didn't attend.

Now that I'm older, I realize that to host a good event, the people should want to be there, and part of my job as a host is to make my event as accommodating as possible. This is why I don't schedule big events during playoffs, and why I offer a few vegetarian items when I handle the cooking, among other things. I have a makeshift pen for one of my family members that brings a dog over... hate that dog and she tears up my lawn, but the dog is important to her, so at my event, it becomes important to me. It's just common courtesy.


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## Grayson

Acorn said:


> So, if you invite a sports fan to your event and he watches some of the game, you will not respect him.


I wouldn't appreciate ANYone...sports fan, movie buff, foodie, etc...who accepted an invitation, showed up, then proceeded to act as if they weren't there.



> If you invite a sports fan over and he declines the invite because he knows he'll want to watch the game, he has the priorities of a 12 year old.


If someone passes over an invitation for human interaction in favor of watching grown men play a kids' game on TV, when there are ways to attend the event, be respectful of one's hosts, AND still see the all-important game in the comfort of your own home? I would indeed question the maturity of their priorities.



> If you invite a sports fan over and he politely declines but tells you he'd love to go if it were another time, and/or he'll take you out next week because you are so insistent about the date, he's immature.


I'd say that's a mature means of handling an ultimately immature decision ("a TV show is more important than you").
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson

Acorn said:


> When I was 12, I expected everyone to come to my party, the cake would be my flavor, the activity would be of my choosing, and I would think less of people that didn't attend.
> 
> Now that I'm older, I realize that to host a good event, the people should want to be there, and part of my job as a host is to make my event as accommodating as possible. *This is why I don't schedule big events during playoffs,*


You certainly are a considerate host to have planned your own birth and that of your spouse so as to not conflict with all-important play-offs. And curse the OP's BIL for not having that same consideration.



> and why I offer a few vegetarian items when I handle the cooking, among other things. I have a makeshift pen for one of my family members that brings a dog over... hate that dog and she tears up my lawn, but the dog is important to her, so at my event, it becomes important to me. It's just common courtesy.


That's very generous of you. I'd say that something else that would be common courtesy would be for her to not bring the dog if it destroys your lawn. Does she consider whether or not anyone else in attendance might be allergic to the dog?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr

Grayson said:


> If I'd planned an event, invited someone, and they showed up but didn't participate in favor of watching TV the entire time, *I'm not sure "respected" is the word I'd use* to describe how I'd feel. "Tolerated," maybe. But not "respected."
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The word that comes to my mind at the moment is controlling.


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## Grayson

Thundarr said:


> The word that comes to my mind at the moment is controlling.


You're absolutely right. Being disappointed that someone accepted an invitation to a given event, showed up, and acted as if they weren't there is the very textbook definition of "controlling."

So, if you invited me to dinner, and I accepted, you'd have no problem at all with me staying in another room and doing my own thing, ignoring everyone else in the house?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acorn

Grayson said:


> You certainly are a considerate host to have planned your own birth and that of your spouse so as to not conflict with all-important play-offs. And curse the OP's BIL for not having that same consideration.


Like I said, I have outgrown the need to throw myself a birthday party on the exact day of my birthday. If this is a high need of yours and we were friends, I would make sure not to schedule events on your birthday to accommodate your needs, or at least be understanding if you declined my invite.



Grayson said:


> That's very generous of you. I'd say that something else that would be common courtesy would be for her to not bring the dog if it destroys your lawn. Does she consider whether or not anyone else in attendance might be allergic to the dog?


Thanks. I think we generally are a more inclusive bunch than perhaps you are used to at your parties because I cannot imagine pursuing that. She brings her dog, the dog stays in the pen away from everyone else. The cleanup from the pen is well worth her inclusion in my eyes.


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## Acorn

Grayson said:


> So, if you invited me to dinner, and I accepted, you'd have no problem at all with me staying in another room and doing my own thing, ignoring everyone else in the house?


I'd be glad you came and were having fun.

As a host, I'd find 10 or 15 minutes to share a drink with you. I just wouldn't be able to spend all my time in there.


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## Thundarr

Grayson said:


> You're absolutely right. Being disappointed that someone accepted an invitation to a given event, showed up, and acted as if they weren't there is the very textbook definition of "controlling."
> 
> So, if you invited me to dinner, and I accepted, you'd have no problem at all with me staying in another room and doing my own thing, ignoring everyone else in the house?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It feels like you're bringing a lot of personal baggage to this discussion that doesn't apply to many cases. Maybe I'm wrong in that but I can't imagine another reason for the complete lack of room for compromise.

If he's bad for not going, and bad for going and watching some of the game, and bad for going and wishing he could watch some of the game, and stupid for liking sports, then the only option you left is for him to think the way you tell him to think. That's my definition of controlling and it's not realistic.

I've been a moderation and compromise poster on this thread and I still am.


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## Grayson

Acorn said:


> Like I said, I have outgrown the need to throw myself a birthday party on the exact day of my birthday. If this is a high need of yours and we were friends, I would make sure not to schedule events on your birthday to accommodate your needs, or at least be understanding if you declined my invite.


Who said anything about on the specific birthday? Sounds like you scheduled your own birth to avoid playoff seasons entirely.




> Thanks. I think we generally are a more inclusive bunch than perhaps you are used to at your parties because I cannot imagine pursuing that. She brings her dog, the dog stays in the pen away from everyone else. The cleanup from the pen is well worth her inclusion in my eyes.


So...the dog is away from the person who insists on his/her presence? And, if she can't bring the dog, she's an automatic decline?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson

Acorn said:


> I'd be glad you came and were having fun.
> 
> As a host, I'd find 10 or 15 minutes to share a drink with you. I just wouldn't be able to spend all my time in there.


But...your 10-15 minutes is in the BEST PART of what I'm doing. Why are you bothering me?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acorn

Grayson said:


> Who said anything about on the specific birthday? Sounds like you scheduled your own birth to avoid playoff seasons entirely.


:scratchhead:



Grayson said:


> So...the dog is away from the person who insists on his/her presence? And, if she can't bring the dog, she's an automatic decline?


Yes. She is worried about leaving the dog at home alone. How strange that not everyone thinks like me!


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## Acorn

Grayson said:


> But...your 10-15 minutes is in the BEST PART of what I'm doing. Why are you bothering me?


OMG Grayson, even for you this is too much. LOL.


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## Hope1964

Holy crap - you guys must be married. I haven't seen this much bickering since my first marriage. Grayson, you're the wife who has dug in her heels and now finds herself in over her pretty head but can't back down and compromise at all because that would be, like, apologizing. Acorn, you are the basically fair but rigid husband who won't indulge his wife just because of the principle of the thing.

(this is said in jest, as a perhaps misguided attempt to inject some levity into this thread, because I just want to talk about FOOTBALL!!!)


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## Acorn

Hope1964 said:


> Grayson, you're the wife who has dug in her heels and now finds herself in over her pretty head but can't back down and compromise at all because that would be, like, apologizing. Acorn, you are the basically fair but rigid husband who won't indulge his wife just because of the principle of the thing.


This is footage from our first date: at&t - "Romantic Dinner" - BBDO New York : AdForum.com


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## Grayson

Thundarr said:


> It feels like you're bringing a lot of personal baggage to this discussion that doesn't apply to many cases. Maybe I'm wrong in that but I can't imagine another reason for the complete lack of room for compromise.


No baggage. But, something that, in looking back, I see I haven't made clear (just assumed we were all on the same page, based upon the original question...yeah, yeah...I know what happens when you assume), I'm speaking from the perspective of special events, not what we might consider "everyday" family gatherings. By way of illustration, one of my wife's aunts almost always has some kind of gathering going on at her house over the weekend. It's nothing that anyone is invited to...the family just knows that they can drop by unannounced and hang out. There's also the basic invitation to, "Hey, c'mon over and hang out." On the other hand, though, you've got special occasions - birthday parties, anniversaries, holidays, etc. Those, to me, are more...I don't want to say "formal," as that implies suits, ties, dresses, etc...but I don't know what word best suits it. In those cases, there tends to be a bit more in the way of set activities.

Now, in any of those scenarios, the host - as the host - has every right to say, "No, I don't want us to do X." for any reason - they don't like it, it might prove a distraction, etc. - without being seen as being unreasonable.



> If he's bad for not going, and bad for going and watching some of the game, and bad for going and wishing he could watch some of the game, and stupid for liking sports, then the only option you left is for him to think the way you tell him to think. That's my definition of controlling and it's not realistic.


See above for my clarification. At the end of the day, what it boils down to is the guest sending the message that watching TV is more important than the host (or the rest of the group).

More specifically, regarding the original point concerning a football game, I see it this way. If the OP had said, "My BIL is having a birthday party, but there's a special episode of NCIS on that I don't want to miss." my guess is that he would be told, "It's just a TV show. Go to the party and watch NCIS when you get home." But, because it's the Great God Football, it's not only socially acceptable to tell him to blow off family to watch the game, it's apparently socially expected for the host to accommodate a guest's desire to do something other than actually participate in the party he's attending.



> I've been a moderation and compromise poster on this thread and I still am.


Understood and appreciated. It simply seems to me that the only "moderation and compromise" being proposed is on the part of the host...no quarter given on the side of football.


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## MrK

9 pages...


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## gbrad

Grayson doesn't like or respect sports. That has been established. Also seems that Grayson does not have a lot of respect for people who do consider themselves sports fan, because of the passion they have for something in their life and his lack of understanding for sports. 

*Also Grayson you keep saying that someone going to an event that ends up having the game on somewhere in the house that that person would completely avoid the rest of the event. That doesn't have to be the case, atleast most sports fans I know are good at being involved in both things. A gathering with a large amount of people does not usually require you to be there every second in that group. Most large family gatherings I have gone to have people moving around the house, gathering in different places. Some people hang out in the kitchen, some outside, some in the living room, etc. So one of those places could easily have a Tv turned on. Everybody wins. Seems like an easy solution.


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## Hope1964

I for one find it impossible to get into the game in the middle of a party. WAY too many distractions. Plus I can't yell, scream and swear at the TV.


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## gbrad

Hope1964 said:


> I for one find it impossible to get into the game in the middle of a party. WAY too many distractions. Plus *I can't yell, scream and swear at the TV*.


Sure you can. As long as you either don't care what the other people think of you or you know that they understand your passion.


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## NewM

Why can't you dvr?
Ask everyone at the party not to talk about results if they are also fans,go home and watch it.

It not being live is complete bs because it is live to you and even live games have some delay so that isn't live too either then.


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## Acorn

NewM said:


> Why can't you dvr?
> Ask everyone at the party not to talk about results if they are also fans,go home and watch it.


This is one of those ideas that sounds good in theory but never really works well in practice. All it takes is one guy that knows you are a fan to come up to you and say something witty about the game results and the idea falls apart.


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## Hope1964

Yeah, we've dvr'd a game or two, and it just isn't the same, even if you DON'T know the outcome. Especially in playoffs. It is an option, just not the best option.


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## BackOnTrack

Hope1964 said:


> I for one find it impossible to get into the game in the middle of a party. WAY too many distractions. *Plus I can't yell, scream and swear at the TV*.


So it's not just me, huh? 

As far as the distractions go, I completely agree. Hell, this is true even at the Superbowl party that we have with the same group of friends each year. Even though we're all there for the same reason, it's very difficult to get immersed into the game. 

I thoroughly enjoy the company of good friends and the good food/ beer. But since it has not been my team in the Superbowl for way too many years, it's not a problem since I really don't care about the outcome between other teams. But, If my team is fortunate enough to play in that game this year, I'm genuinely torn on whether to skip the party so I can avoid the distractions. That probably sounds crazy, huh?


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## Acorn

BackOnTrack said:


> But, If my team is fortunate enough to play in that game this year, I'm genuinely torn on whether to skip the party so I can avoid the distractions. That probably sounds crazy, huh?


I don't think so!

For all the back and forth in this thread, at the end of the day it's really just being true to yourself. If you go to the family get together, are you going to regret missing that game for a good long while? If it's yes, go to the game. If it's no, try to DVR it. What the host or other guests think is largely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things IMO.


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## Hope1964

BackOnTrack said:


> If my team is fortunate enough to play in that game this year, I'm genuinely torn on whether to skip the party so I can avoid the distractions. That probably sounds crazy, huh?


Doesn't sound crazy at all. I am exactly the same way. We like to rewind and watch key plays over and over. We debate the ref's calls. We debate the scoring plays. We critique the players and the plays. There's no way you can do all that in the midst of a group of people, even if they are there for the game. Not to the extent we do, anyway.


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## Malcolm38

Life is short. If you would prefer to watch the ball being thrown around or kicked then go for it....Hopefully a grown man won't be too weepy about some people not wanting to go to his birthday party.


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## Grayson

Malcolm38 said:


> Life is short. If you would prefer to watch the ball being thrown around or kicked then go for it....Hopefully a grown man won't be too weepy about some people not wanting to go to his birthday party.


Weepy? Probably not. But he'd definitely know where he stood: a TV broadcast of millionaires the OP doesn't know playing a kids' game is more important to him than his BIL. Valuable information to correlate for future dealings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr

Grayson said:


> Weepy? Probably not. But he'd definitely know where he stood: a TV broadcast of millionaires the OP doesn't know playing a kids' game is more important to him than his BIL. Valuable information to correlate for future dealings.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Chances are OP and BIL already know that aren't buds. I think *a valid argument you may bring up Grayson is that he could do it out of respect for his wife*.

The things you mentioned though about how stupid his personal interest are or how he's supposed to be pals with BIL are really straw man arguments. His interests are his interests and it's that simple. And friendship with inlaws is not a requirement for healthy marriage.


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## gbrad

Grayson said:


> Weepy? Probably not. But he'd definitely know where he stood: a TV broadcast of millionaires the *OP doesn't know playing a kids' game* is more important to him than his BIL. Valuable information to correlate for future dealings.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why do you continue to feel the need to demean something that other people care about? Just because you don't care about it, doesn't make it worthless.


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## Grayson

Thundarr said:


> Chances are OP and BIL already know that aren't buds. I think *a valid argument you may bring up Grayson is that he could do it out of respect for his wife*.


There's that, too. Sounds like that ship sails every Sunday, though.

[Quite]The things you mentioned though about how stupid his personal interest are or how he's supposed to be pals with BIL are really straw man arguments. [/quote]

I'm not so sure. I said it earlier in the thread, and I still hold by the opinion that, if the OP said he wanted to skip interaction with other human beings for a "special" episode of a scripted drama or sitcom, he wouldn't be granted the hall pass he's getting from so many because the TV show he wants to watch happens to be football.



> His interests are his interests and it's that simple. And friendship with inlaws is not a requirement for healthy marriage.


Never said otherwise. I still feel that choosing human interaction - particularly for what is nominally a special occasion - in favor of parking oneself in front of the TV (and, for my tastes, particularly to zone out on football) is, at best, bad form and an indication of where one's priorities lie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson

gbrad said:


> Why do you continue to feel the need to demean something that other people care about? Just because you don't care about it, doesn't make it worthless.


Why do you continue to feel the need to slavishly partake in a pastime that you've outright stated gives you no enjoyment? I'm sorry if you feel that calling a kids' game a kids' game is "demeaning."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad

Grayson said:


> Why do you continue to feel the need to slavishly partake in a pastime that you've outright stated gives you no enjoyment? I'm sorry if you feel that calling a kids' game a kids' game is "demeaning."
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think I said it gives me no enjoyment. If I did, I mistyped. I don't do it for the pure enjoyment, there is more to it than that. To me there is a difference. Regardless, I do it, because I am passionate about it.


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## Acorn

The opinion comes from the director of the Emily Post Institute which has been providing etiquette advice since 1946.

***

During Thanksgiving dinner, your father-in-law insists on watching football. You feel this detracts from family quality time. Do you shut the TV off?
Answer

PEGGY SAYS: As hostess, your role is to make everyone feel comfortable. For your father-in-law, comfort means watching the game. Strike a compromise — shut the set off during dinner, but let him (and others) watch beforehand and afterward. Or, plan to serve the meal during halftime. It's up to you to find the right balance for all your guests.

Football Games on Thanksgiving Day - Peggy Post Etiquette - Good Housekeeping


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## gbrad

Acorn said:


> The opinion comes from the director of the Emily Post Institute which has been providing etiquette advice since 1946.
> 
> ***
> 
> During Thanksgiving dinner, your father-in-law insists on watching football. You feel this detracts from family quality time. Do you shut the TV off?
> Answer
> 
> PEGGY SAYS: As hostess, your role is to make everyone feel comfortable. For your father-in-law, comfort means watching the game. Strike a compromise — shut the set off during dinner, but let him (and others) watch beforehand and afterward. Or, plan to serve the meal during halftime. It's up to you to find the right balance for all your guests.
> 
> Football Games on Thanksgiving Day - Peggy Post Etiquette - Good Housekeeping


That is funny. There are many people at Thanksgiving dinner and the TV is on all day with football. Not everyone is watching all the time, there is a lot of work to be done and other things going on. But most likely multiple TVs have the game on because people are in multiple rooms. And everyone is happy. Nobody is upset by the fact that the game is on. Too funny.


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## Grayson

gbrad said:


> That is funny. There are many people at Thanksgiving dinner and the TV is on all day with football. Not everyone is watching all the time, there is a lot of work to be done and other things going on. But most likely multiple TVs have the game on because people are in multiple rooms. And everyone is happy. Nobody is upset by the fact that the game is on. Too funny.


In many houses, you're absolutely correct.

This is, however, not a universal given. I've never, in my entire life, turned on a football game during Thanksgiving dinner (or any other part of Thanksgiving day). Granted, in part, that's because we don't host. My mother and stepfather host Thanksgiving, we host Christmas. No football games on at their house, either. Usually music is on (when we have any sort of gathering, be it a holiday or not), rather than the TV. We've all always found music to be more conducive to letting everyone socialize in the spirit of the day, rather than anything on TV which tends to (for want of a better term) hypnotize the viewers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson

Thundarr said:


> What if someone is offended at the music. Maybe it reminds them of unhappy times. Should they go and listen anyway, not go, or express that the music makes them sad? If they did express that it's depressing then what would your parents do? Change the music or tell them to suck it up.


Well, for starters, we're usually talking about a low "background noise" level, and either a radio station or a genre-diverse iPod set to shuffle. But, it's funny you should ask. We used o host a monthly poker game. One December, with Christmas music playing, my sister in law said she was having a lousy Christmas season, and asked if we could play something else. We stopped the CD and put on the radio. She hadn't really paid attention to the fact that we'd switched to radio instead of another CD. At one point, the station played a random Christmas song. She started to go off. "I though you said you wouldn't play Christmas music!!" Referencing the station's ad slogan, I told her, "We put it on the radio. Jack FM to be precise. We can't control what they play...like the ads say, they play what they want."

So, to answer your question...a little from Column A, and a little from Column B.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson

Thundarr said:


> This interaction sounds reasonable. Peoples like and dislikes were taken into account with compromise. I don't understand why background noise in the form of a ballgame is an issue either unless all of the men horded in the room and stayed the whole time. Actually I think this is the picture you imagine when arguing against it but it doesn't have to be that way.


You're correct that it doesn't HAVE to. In my experience, however, when the background noise has a narrative (be it a scripted show, a movie, or (loosely applying the term "narrative" for want of a better one) sporting event, that background noise begs for the attention to become the foreground...and gets it more often than not. While a similar narrative structure can also exist in song, it's a much shorter form and is then on to the next song. And that's without factoring in the "football is life!" mindset that so many football fans have.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964

Well, I for one can assure you that if I was watching a playoff game I wouldn't be generating 'background noise'


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## SimplyAmorous

BackOnTrack said:


> I have been a religious fan of our local NFL team since 1990. Now our youngest son (17yo) has also become just like me in this regard. I have taken him to many games and we watch our team together every season. It has become something that both my son and I share together. Next weekend, our team will be playing in it's third post season game in over a decade. *This is very important to both of us*.
> 
> Unfortunately, my wife's brother is having his 40th birthday party at the same time as the game. My BIL is not a sports fan in any way and would be pissed if we watch the game at his party. My wife politely demanded that we all go to the party together. Normally she would not have an big issue with my son and I staying home and if this were a regular season game, we would probably accompany her. But since this is a milestone birthday, she believes this is an important event.
> 
> After informing her that I would be staying behind, she insisted that my 17yo would have to go. I then stated that neither my youngest son nor I will not be attending but my older son will go with her. This has obviously not gone over well as she is feeling disappointed/pissed in both my son and I. There is now a bit of friction in the house at the moment. I'm not a heartless bastard, so I have to say that I do feel guilty for making a stand. So I wanted to find out what others think. Am I an ass for making this stand?


I haven't read one of these replies... and this is coming from a woman who thinks football was the dumbest pasttime ever invented.. I am not trying to offend.. that's just how I feel... I'm not a sports fan at all. I would enjoy the commercials more so...

BUT ... I understand when someone has a PASSION for something... and it's a big deal...to them... 

If I was the Brother in Law, I would NOT want to ruin your game day... I would either happily allow the TV to be put on - so you & your son could see it... accompany your desires...or happily let you do your thing....

I also wouldn't want to become the Ogre wife who ruins your day over it, or have a grumpy husband with a corked  the whole time at the party - where your mind is elsewhere... who needs that. 

So I wouldn't expect you to go, and why rain on your time with your son... But that's just me .. 

I would liken your enthusiasm for "the game" to someone like me missing a Rock Concert I didn't want to miss....I guess I think People should be happy in what they do.... if Her brother has plenty of other family members around him, I don't think he'll miss you ...or your son... at all...

Can always visit him another day... make up for it...







.


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## Grayson

Hope1964 said:


> Well, I for one can assure you that if I was watching a playoff game I wouldn't be generating 'background noise'


Equally assured is that, if you were watching a playoff game, you wouldn't be at my house, cuz it wouldn't be on.

Thanks for proving my point, though. ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964

Yer welcome


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## Thundarr

Grayson said:


> You're correct that it doesn't HAVE to. In my experience, however, when the background noise has a narrative (be it a scripted show, a movie, or (loosely applying the term "narrative" for want of a better one) sporting event, that background noise begs for the attention to become the foreground...and gets it more often than not. While a similar narrative structure can also exist in song, it's a much shorter form and is then on to the next song. And that's without factoring in the "football is life!" mindset that so many football fans have.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe it's because I don't have the "football is life" mindset but just that I just enjoy the game that has allowed for compromise and respect. I'm generally hyper sensitive to showing and recieving respect from family and friends so it makes sense that me checking on scores or watching bits of a game are not seen as disrespectful.


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## Grayson

Thundarr said:


> Maybe it's because I don't have the "football is life" mindset but just that I just enjoy the game that has allowed for compromise and respect. I'm generally hyper sensitive to showing and recieving respect from family and friends so it makes sense that me checking on scores or watching bits of a game are not seen as disrespectful.


"Checking on scores" does t require a TV at all any more. Truth told, though, during our poker games, when play would come to a screeching halt because one or more players were checking scores of whatever game they were following, it was not only a bit irksome, but threw the rhythm of the poker game off. One night, we even tried the (apparently expected by sports fans) method of having a "big game" on during the poker game, in deference to the one or two "big fans" that were over. To this day, I wonder why we even bothered, as a single hand of poker with six or seven players took about 15 minutes. (For the record, poker nights were scheduled for the same Saturday of every month, to accommodate everyone's pay schedules...poker was scheduled well before the "big game" was.)

ETA: Further for the record...my thoughts on the subject were in place well before that evening.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad

Grayson said:


> In many houses, you're absolutely correct.
> 
> This is, however, not a universal given. I've never, in my entire life, turned on a football game during Thanksgiving dinner (or any other part of Thanksgiving day). Granted, in part, that's because we don't host. My mother and stepfather host Thanksgiving, we host Christmas. No football games on at their house, either. Usually music is on (when we have any sort of gathering, be it a holiday or not), rather than the TV. We've all always found music to be more conducive to letting everyone socialize in the spirit of the day, rather than anything on TV which tends to (for want of a better term) hypnotize the viewers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


See and in some families football (an even TV in general, but football in this case) is a conversation piece. It is not something to just veg out to and be zoned. Football and sports become conversations and debates.


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## Grayson

gbrad said:


> See and in some families football (an even TV in general, but football in this case) is a conversation piece. It is not something to just veg out to and be zoned. Football and sports become conversations and debates.


And yet it need not be on at the time to be a conversation piece.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad

Grayson said:


> And yet it need not be on at the time to be a conversation piece.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Need...no. Want...yes. There is a difference. Luckily I am in a family where most everyone either enjoys it or does not have a problem with it on in the background. They can understand other peoples passions. 
We have already established Grayson that we have different passions and opinions on this. I'm not sure what your passions are outside of spending time with people, but I am sure you have some.


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## Grayson

gbrad said:


> Need...no. Want...yes. There is a difference. Luckily I am in a family where most everyone either enjoys it or does not have a problem with it on in the background. They can understand other peoples passions.
> We have already established Grayson that we have different passions and opinions on this. I'm not sure what your passions are outside of spending time with people, but I am sure you have some.


Indeed I do. And I've missed out on events tied to those for a multitude of reasons, including putting a higher priority on people. Oddly enough, it didn't cause me to throw a child-like temper tantrum, to "stew," or "get pissed." The world continued to turn, and I feel no less fulfilled a person for it.

Thanks, though, for jumping to the conclusion that I "can't understand other people's passions." I fully understand that others don't share mine and vice versa. What I don't understand is why, if one of those passions is sports, that apparently overrides all else, and absolutely, positively MUST be catered to in every social situation. (By that same token, I've long failed to understand why some public restrooms assume that, because I can urinate standing up, I must certainly care about sports, so there's a sports page in front of my face.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acorn

Grayson said:


> I fully understand that others don't share mine and vice versa. What I don't understand is why, if one of those passions is sports, that apparently overrides all else, and absolutely, positively MUST be catered to in every social situation.


You are probably not understanding it because you have a passion for socialization, and believe that overrides all else, and the host's wishes absolutely, positively MUST be catered to.

The logic is exactly the same for sports fans, except sports fans believe the two things can co-exist whereas you are not comfortable with that.


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## Grayson

Acorn said:


> The logic is exactly the same for sports fans, except sports fans believe the two things can co-exist whereas you are not comfortable with that.


Incorrect. That they CAN coexist does not mean that they MUST coexist in all situations, however. If the host - for any reason - elects not to have the game on, that's that. Likewise, if the host chooses not to have that special episode of the latest hit show on, that's that. Strangely, (as I've indicated a couple of times) I doubt anyone would blink an eye at the latter. But dare suggest that sports aren't going to be on? All of a sudden, the host is being unreasonable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Malcolm38

Grayson said:


> Incorrect. That they CAN coexist does not mean that they MUST coexist in all situations, however. If the host - for any reason - elects not to have the game on, that's that. Likewise, if the host chooses not to have that special episode of the latest hit show on, that's that. Strangely, (as I've indicated a couple of times) I doubt anyone would blink an eye at the latter. But dare suggest that sports aren't going to be on? All of a sudden, the host is being unreasonable.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To paraphrase Marx, in today's world sports is the opiate of the masses. 

Honestly, I can see both sides. I enjoy watching the occasional event myself and sometimes I enjoy getting lost in the drama of a game or event. But I do have a degree of detachment in that I wouldn't ever put it above family in any case. If either of my daughters have some event going on I'll blow off the locals sports team without even thinking about it. 

To each their own


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## gbrad

Sports are a live event. That is what makes them different, they happen now. When they happen, they are then reported on and impact other things as well. It is a continuum.


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## Acorn

I am starting to see that the moral to this thread is this: 

When you receive an invite to an event and do not genuinely want to attend, you are far better off declining with a short and sweet "I'm sorry, I won't be attending, but thank you for the invite." rather than providing any explanation whatsoever, because some hosts can take the reasons for declining the invitation very personally if they are provided.


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## SimplyAmorous

Grayson said:


> (By that same token, I've long failed to understand why some public restrooms assume that, because I can urinate standing up, I must certainly care about sports, so there's a sports page in front of my face.)


I love this comment... My husband HATES sports too, when he is around a bunch of NFL junkies going on about this, he just wants to crawl under a F'n rock somewhere... 

People do indeed have different passions....we'll never understand them & they'll never understand us...

I look at it this way, if someone is THAT passionate about a GAME (even if I can't for the life of me wrap my brain around it)..... I wouldn't want them coming to my party pouting, or feeling like they are sacrificing something.....Like I was the big turd who ruined their fun.... 

I'd understand they have an addiction and I wouldn't hold it against them, cause I'd know they'd be there any other time... and that's COOL....There are other people in our life, friends/ family who WANT to be there.. 

Maybe if they wanted him to go, they shouldn't have planned the Party in THAT time slot.

I have thrown my Daughters birthday party a month ahead -just to accompany her best friend to be able to go.. We should try to accommodate all guests.... a good hostess will consider this. 

And if It was MY house, I wouldn't care at all -if that game as on in the other room, after all - those who want to talk can go to another room, surely the house is big enough. Put the game on in the basement if possible.... I'd even cook them Wings, and a big barrel of Hot chicken dip & throw bags of tortillas at them. 

I think some Hostesses are too uptight... for their own good. And well, we have to just Excuse the addictions of some, and not hold it against them.. I'd rather them be HAPPY... let us all just be happy. 

This is a birthday party, not a Cancer benefit dinner... being the last time you'd see the man. (we went to one of those last night, a relative of a friend, now something like that...is pretty important....a Game can be missed).


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## Grayson

gbrad said:


> Sports are a live event. That is what makes them different, they happen now. When they happen, they are then reported on and impact other things as well. It is a continuum.


I think you impart a wee bi too much importance to sports here. I once passed up a concert from my favorite band - also a live event, and one with no alternative means of viewing such as DVR - because there was something else going on at the same time. Did I wish I'd been able to do both? Sure. Did I "stew" about it or "get pissed?" Of course not. In the grand scheme of things...it's a concert. My missing it wasn't going to cause me pangs of pain and regret, sending me into a spiral of anger and depression. Because, as the philosopher Jagger once said, "You can't always get what you want."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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