# Don't know what to do?



## Omar (Aug 28, 2009)

I was married for 24 years, ended in divorce, ex left and married co-worker. I have now remarried going on 4 years. My husband and I have had a good marriage until recently. He likes to smoke pot, and most of his friends do too. I have never tried the stuff, don't care to, but I have never condoned him for it. Last year Memorial weekend we went camping and after that weekend he kept getting calls from a female friend. He said she just wanted to know if he had any pot. I was upset then the calls seemed to end. 
We went camping this year, and the same situation occured only the calls were more continuous, at least one to two times a week, and sometimes she'd call 4 times in a night. 
I started to get that gut feeling like I had in my first marriage.
I started checking his phone, etc. He would be calling her, she would be calling him. 
I found out he took a half a day off work, he was with her,
smoking. He thinks I am over reacting, because he says they are just friends (I heard that before). 
Our relationship is very tainted, it is hard for me to bounce back because he really hurt me. I will not give in to him like I did last year. 
How do I try to solve this?


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

How could you marry someone who smokes pot and not know it? esp while all his friends do too... you are not a young person so thisa makes it a question as to how you could not know.
He and his friends must not have very good jobs to be smoking pot as with the random drug tests these days, no company wants to carry someone who is on drugs, for many good reasons.
I don't know how you could not know he smokes pot and all his friends do too... but since you married him.... you have to be aware
that its not going to stop just because you may not like it or the people ( male or female) he talks to. He will also have many strange associates and a good chance of getting into trouble when he leaves the house driving ( DUI) and many other annoying legal problems in the future....
so... I guess you can't pick who he deals his pot from or to, since he is into pot.... and I'm sure this is not new to you that he has this habit. I suggest you seek counseling for yourself as to why
you pick this type of man and then try to control who he deals his pot to and from.


----------



## Omar (Aug 28, 2009)

You are right. I am the one that needs counseling, for I am stuck in a situation that I just don't know how to get out of.


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

Omar said:


> You are right. I am the one that needs counseling, for I am stuck in a situation that I just don't know how to get out of.


Yes you do... if you don't.. you will end up with the exact same type man with a new face, same problems.


----------



## sidlyd (Aug 21, 2009)

I think you and your husband need to have a good sit down and talk about the pot smoking as well as this woman that he is allowing to come between you both. Taking time off from work to spend with this woman is very disrespectful. Be firm and let him know that it is unacceptable.


----------



## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

There are plenty of good jobs out there that dont drug test. I dont drug test in my company. I think if I did, Id have to fire everyone.

It's not the pot that is killing this marriage though. Its the EA he is having with whoever that girl is.




John


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

NothingMan said:


> There are plenty of good jobs out there that dont drug test. I dont drug test in my company. I think if I did, Id have to fire everyone.
> 
> It's not the pot that is killing this marriage though. Its the EA he is having with whoever that girl is.
> 
> ...



he will blame it on the pot....
rather than take personal responsibility.

I know, I have a cousin who is an alcoholic...
he drives drunk, gets in trouble, blames it on his addiction and not himself. Same
will happen here, he will say the pot madse him do it, clouded his judgement...

not his fault.
Typical abuser.

ps.. john... really? a good job with no drug screening?
not in my line of work, or my husbands... not one that pays over 40 an hour and has good benefits ( blue cross and dental, eye exams and glasses). That to me is a good job and where we both sit.... and there are random drug tests all the time.


----------



## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

I have never seen or heard anyone use the excuse that they were high so they did whatever. Conversely Ive seen and heard the drunk excuse a million times. Preso, marijuana and alcohol have two profoundly different effects on people. Being high makes you lazy and laugh at stupid stuff. And hungry. Being drunk makes you flirty at best and sexually driven at worst. Its not that being drunk in and of itself makes you do things you normally wouldnt do, it's that it makes you not CARE if you do those things. Pot does not have that effect.

However, if he tries to pull that trick with pot, laugh at him and kick him out the front door for being an idiot. No self respecting pot-head would ever try that one.




John


Preso - One quick example off the top of my head is Liberty Mutual. They do not test. A relatively large insurance company employing a large amount of people at "good" wages with better then average benefits.


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

NothingMan said:


> I have never seen or heard anyone use the excuse that they were high so they did whatever. Conversely Ive seen and heard the drunk excuse a million times. Preso, marijuana and alcohol have two profoundly different effects on people. Being high makes you lazy and laugh at stupid stuff. And hungry. Being drunk makes you flirty at best and sexually driven at worst. Its not that being drunk in and of itself makes you do things you normally wouldnt do, it's that it makes you not CARE if you do those things. Pot does not have that effect.
> 
> However, if he tries to pull that trick with pot, laugh at him and kick him out the front door for being an idiot. No self respecting pot-head would ever try that one.
> 
> ...



Are you sure about that drunk and flirty thing?
I know lots of drunks who are just lazy, laugh at stupid stuff...

Liberty mutual..... insurance... aren't insurance agents more or less independent contractors... like realtors?

I admit.. I have limited knowledge of personal dealings with drunks and dopers.. as I do not tend to spend much time around them when I can help it.
I do have a relative who is a drunk, several DUI's and he says because he is addicted, he can't stop drinking. He's the laziest man I ever met on earth... all 350 pounds of him.
He also smokes pot... but he doesn't tell me much about it as he knows I won't want to listen to the kaka.


----------



## Omar (Aug 28, 2009)

sidlyd said:


> I think you and your husband need to have a good sit down and talk about the pot smoking as well as this woman that he is allowing to come between you both. Taking time off from work to spend with this woman is very disrespectful. Be firm and let him know that it is unacceptable.


My husband has been nothing but good to me. He has been very distant, quiet since Memorial wkd. I am more concerned about this so called friend, being more than a friend. We did get into a confrentation about the whole situation, me doing more of the talking. Right now its like stepping on glass. I just don't know if I can trust him now.


----------

