# My wife criticized my food and now she nags because I won’t cook for her anymore.



## jeromewallas00 (Sep 29, 2020)

Me and my wife have been married for 2 and a half year. 

I’m usually the one who cooks. Not because she doesn’t know how to but because I don’t like her cooking for me because I’m an independent person in general and don’t like when others do things for me. 

Earlier this week I cooked as usual. I cooked fried chicken and rice. When I cook, I like to add seasonings. When she got home, she was apparently moody and when she is moody like that, I don’t talk to her much and mostly keep to myself. She served herself and sat on the dinner table and I was in the living room minding my own business and surfing the web on my phone. At some point, she complained about my food saying that it’s too spicy and I added too much seasoning. I argued back with her saying, I add a lot of seasoning in my food, why do you only complain now. She said that I added an excessive amount of seasoning and she said that I have an habit of doing that sometimes but she never wanted to say anything because she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. But strangely enough despite that she said that, she continued eating. 

After that, I stopped cooking for her. 

When she would come home, there was no food and I give her excuses saying that I didn’t feel like cooking. And one day, she asked me why I don’t cook and I told her that I don’t feel like cooking anymore. She argued saying that I’m being passive aggressive and she said she was trying to help me with the criticism she gave me. I just told her ok thanks but I don’t feel like cooking anymore. If you are hungry feel free to order junk food. She tried to apologize for what she says but I wasn’t having it. I told her to go order a pizza. 

She said my food has too much seasoning so why should I cook for her. What would you do in this situation? Since she is not satisfied with my food then why should I cook for her ?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You admitted yourself that you put a lot of seasoning on the food so why do you sound surprised when she mentioned it. 
Why do you do all the cooking, do you work from home or at all.


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## jeromewallas00 (Sep 29, 2020)

I don’t work from home. And when I cook for my family, they like it. 


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

So because your family likes it your wife is obligated to like it?

She's not allowed to have her own preferences?

You are very passive aggressive and also sound a bit controlling. That's not good for your marriage.


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## vintagetriplex (Aug 1, 2020)

Don’t cook for her anymore. She can cook her own damn food or order pizza. She is a grown woman and you are not her father or personal chef. 


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## jeromewallas00 (Sep 29, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> So because your family likes it your wife is obligated to like it?
> 
> She's not allowed to have her own preferences?
> 
> You are very passive aggressive and also sound a bit controlling. That's not good for your marriage.


I’m not being controlling but after this remark, I won’t be cooking for her anymore. 


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## jeromewallas00 (Sep 29, 2020)

vintagetriplex said:


> Don’t cook for her anymore. She can cook her own damn food or order pizza. She is a grown woman and you are not her father or personal chef.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk


That’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna stop cooking for her. 


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

You sound like a real ass-hole.

Your entire post is all about how you go out of your way to ignore her, not talk to her, go to your own 'space' and do things that keep you from being engaged in any way with her. And then you act like a damned idiot when she complains about the food being over-spiced so instead of toning it down a bit like most MATURE adults would do, you act like a foolish little 12 year old and stomp your foot claiming you won't cook for her anymore.

Is she cleaning your house? Doing your laundry? Doing other things for you? Maybe she should stop doing THOSE things if you want to act like an immature idiot.

I honestly don't get why she hasn't left you. You sound like a miserable person.


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## jeromewallas00 (Sep 29, 2020)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You sound like a real ass-hole.
> 
> Your entire post is all about how you go out of your way to ignore her, not talk to her, go to your own 'space' and do things that keep you from being engaged in any way with her. And then you act like a damned idiot when she complains about the food being over-spiced so instead of toning it down a bit like most MATURE adults would do, you act like a foolish little 12 year old and stomp your foot claiming you won't cook for her anymore.
> 
> ...


I do my own laundry and clean my own house. I never ask her to do anything for me. 


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You are way too sensitive. Most seasonings can be added at the table. Perhaps ask her which seasoning she finds to be too much and cut down on that one. Some peoples' stomachs can't handle too spicy food.

I dread to think what you would do if she told you that you drive too fast or you need a shower.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Honestly, this post makes you sound like a horrible person to be married to. 

I love spicy food, my wife hates it. So when I cook I either tone it down or I make two batches. When my wife cooks, does the same but tries to make it a bit spicier rather than less spicy. Honestly, I can never notice the difference but she doesn't need to know that. Her mouth will be "on fire" and to me it's not spicy at all. When you made the chicken it would be so easy to make some for her, then add extra seasoning to the rest. 

No **** you and your family likes the same food... It's probably what they cooked for you when you were growing up. Everyone has different tastes, your wife cannot be expected to like everything you do. 

You know it's a problem, so do something about it. Being passive aggressive and an asshole isn't the right choice, btw.

"I’m an independent person in general and don’t like when others do things for me."

That's not a good place to be when in a marriage. You should probably look into why you can't stand people helping you or accepting/needing help from others.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Lol you stopped cooking because she mentioned too much seasoning? Hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha 🤣I would pay to see you at Hell's Kitchen! 😅


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Sounds like food is the least of your issues.
Sounds like she has an attitude. It needs adjustment.
You sound whiny. So, she thought the food was not seasoned well. Make those changes.
You two need some counseling (either formal or informal) to discuss your communication issues and how to rectify them.
At least she apologized. What have you done to improve the situation, other than shut down the kitchen?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Perhaps you are feeling resentful because you cook, clean, do laundry, and, she is moody. If there wasn't dinner prepared why didn't she decide to cook for the family? Does she do anything around the house?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Is she cleaning your house? Doing your laundry? Doing other things for you? Maybe she should stop doing THOSE things if you want to act like an immature idiot *sandwich*.


Fixed


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Livvie said:


> Perhaps you are feeling resentful because you cook, clean, do laundry, and, she is moody. If there wasn't dinner prepared why didn't she decide to cook for the family? Does she do anything around the house?


That's his own doing though. He doesn't like her doing anything for him because he's too "independent".


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## Absentminded (Aug 28, 2019)

jeromewallas00 said:


> Me and my wife have been married for 2 and a half year.
> 
> I’m usually the one who cooks. Not because she doesn’t know how to but because I don’t like her cooking for me because I’m an independent person in general and don’t like when others do things for me.
> 
> ...


Being in a marriage is about being in a partnership and supporting each other. 

Is there a reason why, when she’s moody, you keep to yourself and don’t talk to her? Would it not be more supportive to ask her if she wants to talk about anything or would like some support and/or comfort? 

Did you discuss with her or tell her that you wouldn’t be cooking for her anymore? I’ll be honest your behaviour seems very petty and passive aggressive in response to her one, quite reasonable comment. 

It reads like you both need to work on your communication and how you react to criticism. I cook for my husband and have done for most of our 15 years together. Recently he commented that he doesn’t like the dressing I make to put on salad, he doesn’t like too much vinegar, so I have stopped using it and have replaced it with lemon or lime juice for acidity. I didn’t take it personally or refuse to cook for him anymore. I’d like him to enjoy what I cook as much as I enjoy it and if I fancy balsamic vinegar in my dressing I’ll make a separate dressing for myself, it’s not a big deal!


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

You ARE being passive-aggressive. 

She is right. 

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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I typed the above post after reading only the opening post. 

After reading the rest of your posts, I am also going to add another adjective:

Childish.

Time to grow up.

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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

You wife could have been more tactful when she said the food had too much seasoning. Sounds like she can be moody...you said "when she is moody, you leave her alone"....which tells me she's often moody. So she made the mistake of taking you for granted and you reacted to that.

Having said that, you were being passive aggressive by not talking to her about it, but instead just stop cooking. You should have said, "hey, you work all day and I'm doing what I can to help you by cooking. I'm sorry it's too spicy, but say it nicer". And then you could work something out...making her's less spicy, etc. How old are both of you? Because both of you sound a little childish. 

I don't think you're being a jerk. Your wife has no tact and that started you both in a downward spiral. You handled her reaction wrong.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Constructive criticism. Look it up. Lighten up on the spice.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

jeromewallas00 said:


> Me and my wife have been married for 2 and a half year.
> 
> I’m usually the one who cooks. Not because she doesn’t know how to but because I don’t like her cooking for me because I’m an independent person in general and don’t like when others do things for me.
> 
> ...


Let her cook some, my man.

Simple.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Passive aggressive is not cooking for her and then telling her. Assertive is telling her, and then not cooking for her. You are no more childish than she.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Well you're basically both just alike. Unfortunately your taste in food isn't. 

You have a chip on your shoulder where you can't take criticism or even constructive criticism. she has every right to complain if something's too spicy but that doesn't mean that you have to change the way you cook. But you should at least acknowledge that your way isn't the right way and her way isn't the right way and that you're just different and should cook your own meals for your own selves or go eat out. 

I would absolutely just cook for myself in this situation. There's no reason to get your hair up about it. You should just tell her look we don't like each other's cooking so let's just be responsible for our own food and no hard feelings and no one's right and no one's wrong. 

There will obviously be leftovers, so tripping over each other in the kitchen should not be a problem because if there's not enough space for both of you to cook then one of you can cook one night and one can cook the next night and eat the leftovers the rest of the week. Likewise you might want to divide the refrigerator into like roommates have to do so there's no squabbles about who's using who's ingredients and agree to not be poaching each other's food so you can both cook when you are ready.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

jeromewallas00 said:


> I’m not being controlling but after this remark, I won’t be cooking for her anymore.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk


Well then good luck with your marriage.

You're going to need it.

Its one thing to decide that an arrangement just isn't working for you two.....that happens all the time.

But this is basically a tantrum because she thought it was too spicy. People are actually allowed to have different tastes. I cook too and sometimes my SO prefers a different level of spice....he is allowed to feel that way. Frankly, if my partner threw a fit because I expressed a preference I wouldn't want him cooking for me anymore.

Or is this about more then the cooking?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Yikes. .We have here an over sensitive, passive/aggressive individual, acting like a spurned diva. Moreover you come across as a very controlling individual. I don't know if you expressed yourself well enough in your initial post, but yes you come across as a very controlling, passive-aggressive guy. this does not bodes well long term for your marriage, no counting your wife's moodiness, that's another long term red flag that as people age this issues become bigger, more troublesome, in which the amount of spices in the food will be the least of your problem.

I cook around 35% of the time at home, the other is my wife and daughters, when one of us messes up with the food, the others chime in as to what's wrong. WE as ADULT individuals, do not get all bend out of shape, we ask for more input as to what was wrong, and we try better next time. This is the adult, correct way to handle things: we actually discuss the issue without feeling hurt, like a little baby. One of our daughter is from birth extremely finicky with the food, what do we do: we always cook her portion separate to her liking, excluding the items she won't eat. is that easy, you do it with love. When you cook with love, and thinking of the other's well being and satisfaction, everything taste better.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Okay. You cook what you want. She cooks what she wants. If she feels she doesn’t have time when she gets home, she can do meal prep on the weekend like many do.

Why would any of this be a problem?


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

Are you planning on having children?
Because they complain quite often about food tastes and flavours.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Both of you need to grow up, be understanding and flexible with one another.

Marriage is not a competition. You both are not going to like everything the other person does. You both need to understand and respect each other's differences.

You can be flexible and cook things she likes, the way she likes them. Do you think people stay married by throwing fits and not doing anything to solve their problems?

How are you going to react when bigger problems arrive?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

So you wonder why she didn't say anything before? You are passive aggressive. You are behaving in a manner that is not conducive to a good marriage. 

She can also cook. She used to but you didn't like her cooking. Seems like the same problem.

You two really shouldn't have any kids together until you both figure out how to communicate and split up chores to make everyone's life easier. Communication is key and kids will need two parents. With this type of behavior early it doesn't bode well for a long term relationship.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Sooooo put less spices in the food when you're cooking? Random idea I know.

My husband LOVES chilli. I don't. When I cook something with chilli in it, I add the chilli to his after I've dished up. Our daughter likes chilli but not as much as her dad, lol, so I put less in hers too. If it's something that has to have chilli in it as I cook, I make a separate batch for myself.

It's not difficult


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

so a couple thoughts.

you were home a while, had time to snack on things as you cooked, were not famished. 
wife comes home, is probably starving, had nothing to eat since lunch, might have had a bad day at work, and just was not in a relaxed mood. As you say, you like to always make spicy food, and she does not like all the spice. so she was looking forward to a nice calming nurturing meal, put some food in her mouth, and BAM! too much spice. And she suddenly remembered twenty other times she ate your food and it was too spicy. so she blurted out some mean comment to you.

Alright. first you BOTH need to be responsible for food. If she is out working, she can pick up take out on the way home. that way SHE gets to choose what you are both eating once in a while. Also it shows she is not lazy, and willing to contribute.

and you....you can not cook with less spice? If you like spicy, get a big bottle of shriracha sauce, and load up your newly bland cooking for your own tastes, and she can eat it unspiced.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jeromewallas00 said:


> I don’t work from home. And when I cook for my family, they like it.


Besides you and your wife, who else is in your family?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@jeromewallas00

You say that you cook most of the time. It sounds like you get home earlier than your wife from our job? Or do you have a job?

How many hours a week do you work at your job, assuming you have one. How many hours a week does your wife work?

I'm just trying to get some clarity on this situation.


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## jeromewallas00 (Sep 29, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> @jeromewallas00
> 
> You say that you cook most of the time. It sounds like you get home earlier than your wife from our job? Or do you have a job?
> 
> ...


I work from 9 to 6 pm. My wife also work the same time but she works farter then me. Her work place is 40 minutes away by car. 


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jeromewallas00 said:


> I work from 9 to 6 pm. My wife also work the same time but she works farter then me. Her work place is 40 minutes away by car.


Ok, good info to have.

It's very normal for family members to have different tollerance for spicy food and to even have different likes/dislikes with food. 

I live in New Mexico and we eat a lot of hot spicy food. With 5 of us in the household there is an issue with hot spicey food. My husband cannot tolerate hot chili. My son was loves very hot food. My 2 step children can sometimes tolerate the high chili. But my son love hot chili, the hotter the better. I used to love very hot food but in the last year it's starting to cause me heart burn. So when I make chili I use milder chili in the pan and then cook a batch of very hot reed chili sauce or green chili so each of us can add as much hot chili can we want. There are other foods that some in the family have issues with and we make similar accommodations.

This is normal. People who are sensitive to spices are sensitive because their body has a problem with the spices. For you to take offense to your wife letting you know that she (her body) cannot handle the level of spices you like is, well not cool at all. Why would you take offense at that? Your reaction to her letting you now that the food was too spicy for her is very odd. And now you are being passive aggressive about it.

I'm wondering if there is a bigger problem in your relationship and the spice issue just gives you a chance to act out your frustration. So... how's the rest of your relationship? What about your relationship with your wife is really bothering you besides her not being able to tolerate very spicy food?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In a real and truly being helpful manner, if either spouse has taken as a regular chore or time to time effort it is indeed a responsibility of the one cooking to put together a meal that all family members like.

Period.

If one is cooking a family meal, cook a family meal. 

If the cook says eat it the way I cook it or it's your problem, then they're just being an ass.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

My mom used to say "If you dont like what's for dinner, cook something yourself" She was being sarcastic with her pissy tone, but i learned to cook very well.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Mom to kid; yes. 

W to H or H to W; being an ass.

A hundred years ago early on my Dear Wife said that, and I went out to eat right then. 

Nowadays she may say it with levity but she's always cooking what I like, within a certain window, and we're good.

Somethings I tolerate.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Goodness, you got butt hurt and now are being passive aggressive about it. Have you ever watched any of those cooking shows that are competitive and the cooks have to stand there and take criticism while the judges taste their food. Most of them take criticism like a pro, and they use it to improve on their skills. If you truly enjoy cooking, then don't let someone ruin that for you. Learn to take the criticism to improve. And yes, perhaps she could have been more tactful in how she did it. It sounds like she may have been having a bad day and everyone deserves room & forgiveness when we have bad days. 

When you cook, do it because you WANT to and because you ENJOY it. If you truly do like to do it, you'll look for ways to improve. 

Also-put this in perspective. With everything that is going on, and all of the other things that we can/may be worrying about, is this REALLY worth your time and effort to fight about?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

jeromewallas00 said:


> I’m an independent person in general and don’t like [it] when others do things for me.


What's that all about?

I mean, doing things for each other is the entire point of being in a relationship.


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## StupidMan89 (Sep 22, 2020)

It sounds more to me as feedback than outright criticism. So she doesn't like seasoning. That's fine. 

You can also add seasoning yourself after. Or set aside a couple pieces for her that are unseasoned. This sounds like a very simple solution. She doesn't have to like everything you like and she should be able to express that.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think since both people cook that they should just cook their own meals rather than both of them eat something they don't want. It would be nice to try to compromise once in awhile and have some meal that you both like to save time, but I am not for cooking everyone in the house a custom meal if it's one person having to do it and it often is. I'm real fed up watching my best friend have to cook three different dishes for her family because they are all spoiled rotten and the two of them verging on food issues, and then she never gets to eat what she wants because it's all too exhausting.


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## Doug Dimmadome (Oct 9, 2020)

Geez, man. You already acknowledged that she was in a 'mood'. So why take it to heart? But I used to be passive aggressive like that in the past and it ended one of the best relations I had. Accept her apology and just ask in advance how she'd like it and try your best to accommodate. It ain't going to kill you, and you might hate doing it a little, but it may save your marriage.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Do you love your wife?


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I do not agree with most of the posters her. If the OP was a woman complaining about husband criticizing her cooking, most of you ladies would tell her to stop cooking for him.

it all depends how she said what she said. Was she acting like entitled prick, who thinks cooked dinner is her right? Or was she really asking nicely to tone down the spices, because it is too intense for her?

I know exactly how you feel. My husband would complain every time dinner was not one of his favorites (but it was either mine or kids favorite, trying to make everybody happy), or would complain when some new recipe didn’t work out. Not in that appreciative, good nature way. It takes your motivation to do things for him away - because if the final effect is not perfect, he won’t appreciate the effort.
and it makes you feel taken for granted.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Ok, good info to have.
> 
> It's very normal for family members to have different tollerance for spicy food and to even have different likes/dislikes with food.
> 
> ...


This sounds like a new development.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

WandaJ said:


> I do not agree with most of the posters her. If the OP was a woman complaining about husband criticizing her cooking, most of you ladies would tell her to stop cooking for him.
> 
> it all depends how she said what she said. Was she acting like entitled prick, who thinks cooked dinner is her right? Or was she really asking nicely to tone down the spices, because it is too intense for her?
> 
> ...


I gotta say, every night after supper I always kiss DW and say it was very good. Without fail.

Just a habit that started 20 yrs ago, and it seems to add a little grease to the wheels.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

The problem with the whole "cook for the whole family" edict is it's very little incentive for the cook to cook if they never get to have anything THEY like. I wouldn't. Kids get used to whatever if they aren't allowed to snack on crap instead. The wife can make herself a sandwich if she really hates and won't eat what you cook, or you can be sure there's a salad or side dish on the table she can fill up on instead while just taking a polite bite of your food.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> The problem with the whole "cook for the whole family" edict is it's very little incentive for the cook to cook if they never get to have anything THEY like. I wouldn't. Kids get used to whatever if they aren't allowed to snack on crap instead. The wife can make herself a sandwich if she really hates and won't eat what you cook, or you can be sure there's a salad or side dish on the table she can fill up on instead while just taking a polite bite of your food.


There is one rule in our house, that W cooks what she wants. She does rotate but there are nights she cooks only exactly what she wants to eat.
Not always my favorite thing!

My response? Always, thank you dear, that was very good.

She knows I don't always mean it but she always knows I'm appreciative.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> There is one rule in our house, that W cooks what she wants. She does rotate but there are nights she cooks only exactly what she wants to eat.
> Not always my favorite thing!
> 
> My response? Always, thank you dear, that was very good.
> ...


I was raised that way. My mom isn’t a good cook, but she was a stay at home mom, and she was way better than my dad. We all learned how to buck up and eat things we didn’t way. 
My dad always taught me to eat the thing I don’t like the most first, then eat the rest. 

Whenever my brothers and I went to other people’s houses we always ate what they gave us. It annoys me that people say things like I don’t like chicken, or whatever when they are being fed by someone else. 

The cook is providing a free service. You eat and don’t complain. I wasn’t raised that the world and everyone resolved around me and my taste buds.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sounds like a good way to do it. I just feel bad for a friend of mine. She has two picky eaters, one vegetarian, one just weird man with odd food phobias, one who will eat whatever but is a teen who will gain weight easily, and then herself, who has to be careful because of heart and diabetes issues and her diet. But I mean, she just rarely ever gets to cook just one meal for everyone and does without what she likes most of the time. I mean, her husband is picky even about TG food, down to the potatoes must be whipped, dressing must be his way, that none of the rest of them like. I just wouldn't...She's a lot nicer than me! Or more of a doormat, depending how you look at it. She created her own problems with the kids early on letting them call the shots. Just a big mistake letting that get started.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I gotta say, every night after supper I always kiss DW and say it was very good. Without fail.
> 
> Just a habit that started 20 yrs ago, and it seems to add a little grease to the wheels.


That's why (and for couple other reasons, I am sure) you are still happily married, and I am in the middle of divorce..


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

jeromewallas00 said:


> Me and my wife have been married for 2 and a half year.
> 
> I’m usually the one who cooks. Not because she doesn’t know how to but because I don’t like her cooking for me because I’m an independent person in general and don’t like when others do things for me.
> 
> ...


This argument is hilarious. Your wife was being rude and could have presented the critique in a different way. I am sure her tone sucked/sounded bratty. 

Your response is also hilarious. I love that you suggested ordering a pizza. 

At the end of the day, this isnt a marriage-ending argument. You need to explain to her that it isnt acceptable for her to take her bad day out on you and should be grateful for the meal. If she would like less seasoning, then she can certainly request that without being a jerk about it. 

Id suggest a conversation and then resume cooking. You cant starve her forever! 😅


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MODERATOR NOTE:- Due to the fact that this thread was started by someone who was banned, it is now closed to further replies.


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