# Lost my daughter from the divorce



## smiley123 (May 31, 2013)

Hi - it’s been a long time since I’ve been on this site. I got divorced almost a year ago after 39 years of marriage, many of those years were very unhappy. My 39 year old daughter has quit talking to me and it is tearing me apart. I’ve tried to communicate with her to no avail. The last time we spoke was April of 2018. Tonight has been a particularly difficult night for me. I’m in tears. I feel like I’m mourning a death in the family. I miss my daughter so much. It is almost unbearable. I’ve continued to reach out to her and tell her that I love her and miss her. I don’t know what else I can do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Signed, heartbroken


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Has she told you why she does not want contact with you?

How old is she?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Did you leave and divorce her dad? I suspect she is angry if so. She sees it as breaking up her family and abandoning her dad, which it was really.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

The OP divorced her husband because she fell out of love with him, though that's my interpretation, not her words. He retired and thought he could just put his feet up for the rest of his life and she'd just continue doing everything, work, house, finances etc. Instead of deciding to live the rest of her life serving as someone's maid instead of partner, she divorced him.

OP, you had the strength to divorce him and face a scary future on your own two feet. You have started this path, you can do this.

Your daughter must make her own choices. All you can do is tell her you love her and let her go. One day she might reach out again, but you might have to give her time. You can't force it.

Concentrate on living the life you wanted and looking forward to a brighter future. Spend time with friends, travel if you want. Live life for you now. I admire the women who leave their miserable situations. The lady who lived next door to my parents did this in her 80s. I think she finally realised that she didn't have to be miserable for the remainder of her life with a man who didn't give a crap about her. She was happier on her own.


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## smiley123 (May 31, 2013)

As I stated in my original message she is 39. I haven’t heard anything from her so yes she obviously is mad.


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## smiley123 (May 31, 2013)

AliceA said:


> The OP divorced her husband because she fell out of love with him, though that's my interpretation, not her words. He retired and thought he could just put his feet up for the rest of his life and she'd just continue doing everything, work, house, finances etc. Instead of deciding to live the rest of her life serving as someone's maid instead of partner, she divorced him.
> 
> OP, you had the strength to divorce him and face a scary future on your own two feet. You have started this path, you can do this.
> 
> ...


Thank you for understanding. I have been trying to do my best and enjoy my new life. It’s a grieving process that I’m going through for a child who is still living. Most of the time I try not to think about it but last night was a particularly hard night. She has 3 small children that I am missing too which adds to the pain. Thank you again for your understanding.


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