# typical behavoir



## sparkle4 (Jun 12, 2010)

Just wondering what typical behavior of a cheating spouse.

Are they usually extra nice to hide what they are doing or are they mean and nasty because they dont care? Maybe it is different for everyone?

After it has been let out about the cheating are they usually remorsefull or mean and nasty?


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## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

I only know how my wife acted. She did her best to keep things normal. But, looking back, she was happy when she had just seen her boyfriend. However, she started turning mean. That is when I put it together. She was never mean to me before. Meanness was the big red flag for me.
Once discovered she turned awfully mean. That I expected. The toughest thing is to not react. To be prepared. Has she admitted an affair? Or are you just suspicious? Would you like to get prepared for the worse? There is a lot to learn and you came to the right spot to do that.


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## sage.xwifez (Jun 5, 2010)

I don't think there is typical behaviour. I am a reformed cheater and I was nice to my X because I was getting love elsewhere and was able to share it with him. That will probably sound sick to a lot of people but it was the way it was, it was a dysfunctional relationship.

He cheated on me as well and it was a similar dynamic except what he was getting appreciation and having his self esteem jacked up by his affairs. At that time I was not good in those areas, I had lots of passive aggression.

My advice for what it's worth is to concentrate on being the most effective person you can be. That will benefit you whether or not your spouse is cheating and will be of enduring benefit even if the marriage does not endure.


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## stuckinpast (Jun 26, 2010)

My H started wearing different clothes. Telling me he had to work late his cell phone was always in pocket he didn't talk to his usual friends he disconnected from his family(his parents). The way he treated me was like a roommate with benifits. But yet he always told me he loved me and how happy he is that we're together. Then after I found out he apoligized and has been nice except for when I want to talk about the issue. So I guess it's different for everyone


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

One size doesn't fit all. Peggy Vaughn, affairs expert, says that when confronted about an affair, most men lie.

You can see her site at DearPeggy.com - Extramarital Affairs Resource Center.

Best,

Lyn


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I think the biggest clue is that they begin to become secretive. They no longer want to talk about their day. They keep their phone close by and quickly exit the room when they receive a call. You notice them quickly exiting screens on the computer when you approach.

From what I've seen and read, when the A starts, they may have more energy and be happier. Then - if you start asking questions and they have to "work" to cover their tracks - they'll start getting angry and try to get you to leave them alone and stay out of "their" business.

Sage - I understand what you are saying. It doesn't sound sick - almost a bit sad. You became a happier person because another person began meeting some of your needs and your H got some of the benefit. Thanks for sharing - its very helpful when people who have been on the other side can offer advice.


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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

My experience is much like the one NG described. Things became very secretive, the phone was always on the hip, and the computer was always turned away from me when sitting together on the couch. Anytime I brought up how this looked or asked what was going on then the snappy defenses came up and the issue was best left to be dropped. Some aspects of the relationship got better. We talked much more and more in depth then we had. Sex became much more frequent, but there was no more 'connection' to be felt while having sex anymore, and still not really even now. When I found out it was 'the sorries' coming at me, but always followed with 'it is what it is so just deal with it'.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I agree with the others, their phone is like gold and never out of their site.....
my husband actually lost a bit of weight, bought some new outfits and all of a sudden after 20 years decided to go out for drinks on Friday nights with co-workers...he pretty much lived his own life and tried to ignore me telling me he had to work a lot because he was behind... finally caught on there was someone else filling his time......


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