# Talk about birth control



## vcard (Nov 30, 2012)

Neither my wife-to-be or myself have had any partners before. I do not want to have children for at least the first two years of our marriage, and I am guessing she would agree (the "talk" hasn't come up yet). 

Having researched many birth control methods, I like the idea of the copper IUD. No hormones, don't have to get it each time (as with the case of barrier methods), and just remove it and you are soon back to your (fertile) self. I am a bit leery though, because as people often say ...if something is too good to be true, it probably is. 

Is there any issue with someone who has never given childbirth getting an IUD? How painful (if at all) is the insertion procedure? Also, is there any correlation between the copper IUD (paragard) and sterility/infertility? We want to have children later, but not now. 

My main question is, how do I _suggest_ the idea of a copper IUD to my wife? This may be easier after we get married...but considering we have never talked about sex at all (and won't until we are married)...I am a bit nervous regarding the thought of talking about it with her. Yes, a bit prudish, but it is what it is...

Any other suggestions are welcome as well.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

Do you mind me asking why you won't talk about sex until after marriage? These are things that really should be discussed before you get married. They may be embarrassing at first but you really should open up about sex and birth control before you get married. My husband and I also waited until after marriage for sex, although we were not virgins, but even thought it was a little ackward we still had to have these discussions. 

Are you thinking of taking pre marital courses? This may be a way to start these talks.

As far as the IUD, I had something similar, with only a mild discomfort at insertion. It was after I had a baby though.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

Usually women who have not give birth are not considered good candidates for IUDs. Copper IUDs can be difficult at first, with constant spotting, cramping, etc. especially in the first 3 months. 

Honestly, oral contraceptives would probably be the best option. But ultimately she needs to see her OB/GYN and discuss what options are best for her. 

Assuming you plan on having sex on your wedding night, what will you do for birth control? The time to discuss birth control needs to be MONTHS before your wedding day. 

At this point in your relationship, you should not be "guessing" what she feels about having children. Do not make assumptions. Don't wait until you're married to find out you both have completely different attitudes toward birth control and whether or when to have children.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I have the copper IUD , LOVE it - I think it is the best thing on the market by far ...but they say ...Best after you have kids... 

My Aunt had one put in her late 20's (never had a child) this was many yrs ago (when it was even more unheard of to do), it stayed in for near 10 yrs, she got it out and had her only daughter at age 42. Never had any issues -it is one reason I wanted one myself.

I've heard Doctors are giving them more so -to women who have never had a child, the big thing is - not having a variety of partners, as this can raise her risk of Pelvic Inflammatory disease. 

But if all you are waiting for is 2 yrs, seems a little overkill ... these things can stay in up to 12 yrs these days. 

Getting them put in is just a Doc's visit, a very strong cramp - like you are getting a Pelvic exam... takes less than 3 minutes... If you ask, you can be numbed, the nurse Practitioner who did mine talked me out of it. Wasn't that bad. Once inserted, she is immediately protected. But for the uterus's that have NOT been stretched, there is a higher chance of this coming out. 

She will have some spotting for a week or so (I did)... and her 1st couple periods will be heavier than normal... but (at least for me) after that, it was like I never did anything.. you would never know it was there. 

I don't think I would get one until I had a child though. I'd choose something else... I'd be too worried they might put it in sloppy and hurt my un occupied uterus (always this small risk).


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You're going to marry a virgin without even talking about sex? So, you don't have any interest in a successful marriage?


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## vcard (Nov 30, 2012)

It is quite possible, if not, likely that we may actually not have intercourse for some time. We may discuss these things after we get married (due to circumstances, we will be separate for a few months before we cohabit). I know, it sounds crazy, but that's likely what I think will happen. I suppose having some condoms with me just in case wouldn't hurt...

I was interested in the IUD because it would also allow spontinuity. That, along with the fact that it is long lasting, would perhaps allow us to "get to know each other" easier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

Are you in an arranged marriage? Otherwise I can't really stress how important it is to bring up these topics. These are things that can cause issues at the beginning of a marriage if not talked about. You should at least have some idea about your views on children and birth control.

You can still have a spontaneous sex life on the pill. I had the mirena IUD, it was hormonal and lasted 5 years, but was only offered to me after I had my child....that was 8 years ago, things may have changed since then. But you don't want something too long lasting if you plan to have children in the next few years.


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

I also suggest you talk about sex and listen to your future partner very carefully 

My wife was on the pill and it almost killed our sexual relationship, when she stopped the pill it revived our marriage and sex has become much better. So I am against hormone treatment pills it now seems .


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## vcard (Nov 30, 2012)

Yup, arranged marriage (though we still talk to each other on the phone).

My only issue with the pill (and mirena) is that they are hormone based


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

Well, since your main question was how to suggest it to her, maybe you could just start off by asking if she has thought about it yet, and then go from there.


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## vcard (Nov 30, 2012)

TrustInUs said:


> Well, since your main question was how to suggest it to her, maybe you could just start off by asking if she has thought about it yet, and then go from there.


:iagree:

Good idea. Let's see how that goes...


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## appletree (Oct 9, 2012)

Birth control is a nightmare, really. Hormones are not good for you, a friend of mine had a IUD and couln't have children afterwards. 
condomes are awful and so are pessars. There are natural methods as well, but they don't work 100%. If you are married and you plan for children they might be good enough. Google for tumeric, neem and wild carrot seeds. Sister Zeus website is a good starting point.
But nothing really nothing there is perfect.


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## vcard (Nov 30, 2012)

So...any recommendations besides the copper IUD (probably going to wait until after we have one kid to have that put in)......as great as the copper IUD is, I am worried about uterine wall perforation, the pain of when it is inserted, and similar issues...

There is the new IUD, that is meant for women who have not had children yet...but it is hormonal still 

Does anyone have any experience with the diaphragm or cervical cap? How much of a disturbance is it to one's relations?

I also heard about spermicidal jels or suppositories, with mixed reviews....on reliability and comfort

I guess this all goes to show that there are no free lunches in this world :/


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

vcard said:


> Does anyone have any experience with the diaphragm or *cervical cap*? How much of a disturbance is it to one's relations?
> 
> I also heard about *spermicidal jels* or suppositories, with mixed reviews....on reliability and comfort
> 
> I guess this all goes to show that there are no free lunches in this world :/


I looked into all of this stuff also at one point after having some kids...but I didn't like the things I read... too messy, the idea of sticking those things up me .... plus you have to use both... also worried God Forbid if the spermicide didn't work right & a baby pulled through... the birth defects... 

Heck if you are only waiting 2 years- just use the thinnest condoms on her fertile days and do the Rhythm method (typically 75% to 87% effective according to Wed MD)... we did that for 19 long yrs...only had one slip up and frankly I KNEW it was IFFY when we did it...and yep I got pregnant! 

So long as you are careful, know what you are doing, for that short of a time spam, if you don't like hormones (I never wanted to use that type)...I'd recommend this route.

Preventing Pregnancy With the Rhythm Method


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## vcard (Nov 30, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I looked into all of this stuff also at one point after having some kids...but I didn't like the things I read... too messy, the idea of sticking those things up me .... plus you have to use both... also worried God Forbid if the spermicide didn't work right & a baby pulled through... the birth defects...
> 
> Heck if you are only waiting 2 years- just use the thinnest condoms on her fertile days and do the Rhythm method (typically 75% to 87% effective according to Wed MD)... we did that for 19 long yrs...only had one slip up and frankly I KNEW it was IFFY when we did it...and yep I got pregnant!
> 
> ...


Can you really notices _that_ type of temperature difference daily? If it helps, she has very regular periods...almost like a machine


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Hubby and I used condoms. All together we used them for 9-10 years until he got the vasectomy. They worked well for us. I personally would not want the IUD. There are risks regardless what you use as prevention.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

If you elect to go the hormone route, consider the Nuva Ring. It is essentially a 2inch O ring that stays in her for 3 weeks. No forgetting to take a pill. One thing with hormone options that does not get discussed enough is that certain antibiotics can reduce their effectiveness. So you need a backup plan. Ours is the sponge.

That said, I think it is time to move away from the hormone options for us.


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## vcard (Nov 30, 2012)

I came across this the other day. Anybody have any experience with it?

Amazon.com: Lady-Comp Fertility Monitor - Fahrenheit: Health & Personal Care

Also, I found this study. Not sure if anybody has done it, but it has interesting results

Effectiveness of the diaphragm, used continuou... [Contraception. 1993] - PubMed - NCBI


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

IMO This is really something that she should be discussing with her doctor and then getting opinions on. I don't know that I would like it if my partner was discussing our contraception without me.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Having said that I was on the hormonal implant (implanon) for 8 years and it was great they last 3 years and can be removed easily before that. I was back to a normal cycle 2 months after removal


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## vcard (Nov 30, 2012)

Unaware said:


> IMO This is really something that she should be discussing with her doctor and then getting opinions on. I don't know that I would like it if my partner was discussing our contraception without me.


I agree. We were just trying to get some ideas, and don't really feel comfortable asking people (friends, for example) in person.


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## Lord Summerisle (May 23, 2013)

We used condoms our first couple of years, not the greatest but it seemed to be least impact and least amount of risk of effecting things later on in life.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

vcard said:


> I agree. We were just trying to get some ideas, and don't really feel comfortable asking people (friends, for example) in person.


Ok so she IS aware that you are asking about this topic in a forum?


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