# A question of edge



## Lyris

I put this in Ladies Lounge, but anyone is welcome to answer.

How important is edge in a partner? How do you define edge? Is it the same for men and women?

My husband has definite edge and it's a big part of why I stay attracted to him. It's partly that he's a bit unpredictable, so I don't always know what he's going to say or how he's going to react.

And here's a recent example. He came into the kitchen to say good morning. I said, playfully, do you love me? He said "No" and snogged me. Then he smacked my ass and left. 

Rawr

Of course this is combined with absolute integrity, honour and loyalty. I don't think I'd enjoy it if it was more real.


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## Faithful Wife

I need a lot of edge and so does my H.

We both get thumbs up in this regard.


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## jld

Lyris said:


> And here's a recent example. He came into the kitchen to say good morning. I said, playfully, do you love me? He said "No" and snogged me. Then he smacked my ass and left.


Sounds exactly like dh. But it drives me nuts when I want a serious romantic answer!


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## ntamph

Lyris said:


> How important is edge in a partner? How do you define edge? Is it the same for men and women?


My SO will sometimes run through a room I'm in naked saying "catch me if you can." I like that A LOT.

She thinks I'm ridiculously funny. I've been told that by other people too.


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## SimplyAmorous

I did a thread on this asking the men what their EDGE was -in the men's section yrs ago..

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...your-edge-can-you-explain-have-you-grown.html

It's something I never heard of before coming here...a fascinating subject though..and one our men would enjoy reading us write him up about ... 

Copying & pasting my response as it's still the same.... 



> *Simplyamorous said*: This is putting my brain to the metal... but obviously the man has some "edge" to him...
> 
> *1*. My husband will never come close to resembling a Bad Boy....he is too Responsible, good hearted, much integrity there...Risk & living daringly will never be something he does much.....BUT... he does possess a "devious" inner side...He can be humorously sarcastic... He is not a "goody goody" -the type that has a self rigtheous stuffy Properness....he can be Redneckish, he can be dirty minded (bring it on), he can speak it like it is & make no apologies for it (around family anyway).... he might get the sh** kicked out of him if he let loose like that in public...he jokes about this.... at least he has some "sense". What is edgy about this is...he is speaking his mind in it's fullness before me....the good , the bad, the ugly, not holding anything back.
> 
> *2*. He can flow with my Hot temperedness when it rears & seems to enjoy making fun of me....what this is worth >> Gold. He handles me so well. I think our "chemistry" - is what keeps us enthused for each other.....He makes ME feel good about myself... "wholly accepted" -loved anyway.....and I make him feel good about himself as well... we feed off of each other. I can be a feisty one... this revvs him up & brings out more of his liveliness that might otherwise lie dormant. In this way, we are very good for each other.
> 
> 
> *3.* On to the Humor... *Humor* is always an "edge" for women. Although my husband is more on the introverted quiet side....he has his moments...with that DRY 'saltine cracker" humor waiting in the wings...when he lets a comment rip....It's taken me by storm...I have been doubled over on the floor -have peed my pants even! Love those nights... we laugh heartily.
> 
> He has a gift with Impersonations too ....he used to do some of his old customers... I felt I knew these crazy people.... .and his Nasty Boss...he does the man amazingly. The boss would probably want to :BoomSmilie_anim: him - but the kids think dad is a barrel of laughs.
> 
> 
> *4.* A spotlight he has no use for- would RUN from....but like Bubblygirl's post about her husband....mine too doesn't run his mouth to show his ego (he works with a few like this, I get an earful of their pride on a weekly basis)... but feels actions are what speaks - he doesn't put others down to uplift himself, and doesn't really care what others think -unless it is within our family circle.
> 
> I know he is a very "content" man (said this just tonight) -feels there is no lack, no striving, happy within himself. In this way, he possesses a "quiet confidence"... He knows how loved & needed he is as a Father, and treats me better than any man ever could.


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## Coffee Amore

I like some edge. Someone with a bit of sarcasm and snark who knows what to say without going too far. He doesn't have to be a tattooed, bar hopping bad boy (that would be a complete turn off), but some playfulness, banter and confidence is a turn-on.


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## Thundarr

I don't know but I'll guess.

Being a mystery somewhat rough around the edges maybe. Being unpredictable and sending mixed signals (but not in a mean way). Edge is opposite of boring, predicable, or soft.


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## nuclearnightmare

Hmmmm...
I think whoever here knows what we're talking about has an "edge" up on the rest of us. So any way here's my question: what are we we talking about?


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## jld

The iron hand in the velvet glove.


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## Giro flee

I can't stand any edge. I grew up in a chaotic environment so I'm really uncomfortable when things aren't predictable.


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## Thundarr

Giro flee said:


> I can't stand any edge. I grew up in a chaotic environment so I'm really uncomfortable when things aren't predictable.


Edge is an abstract thought. I don't think it's related to undependable or chaotic to anyone IMO though.


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## jld

Thundarr said:


> Edge is an abstract thought. I don't think it's related to undependable or chaotic to anyone IMO though.


How would you define it, Thundarr?


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## Thundarr

jld said:


> How would you define it, Thundarr?


I thought about that when I first read the thread. It's a simple enough question. 

So here's how I'd define it..... drum roll...... I don't know. I'm kind of hoping someone will post an answer that clicks for me.


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## jld

Thundarr said:


> I thought about that when I first read the thread. It's a simple enough question.
> 
> So here's how I'd define it..... drum roll...... I don't know. I'm kind of hoping someone will post an answer that clicks for me.


What comes to mind?


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## MEM2020

M2,
She's got a ferocious edge, it's so hot. 

Me - I used to have a lot of edge but it was rough. Smooth edge is best. 


QUOTE=Lyris;9558297]I put this in Ladies Lounge, but anyone is welcome to answer.

How important is edge in a partner? How do you define edge? Is it the same for men and women?

My husband has definite edge and it's a big part of why I stay attracted to him. It's partly that he's a bit unpredictable, so I don't always know what he's going to say or how he's going to react.

And here's a recent example. He came into the kitchen to say good morning. I said, playfully, do you love me? He said "No" and snogged me. Then he smacked my ass and left. 

Rawr

Of course this is combined with absolute integrity, honour and loyalty. I don't think I'd enjoy it if it was more real.[/QUOTE]


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## jld

MEM11363 said:


> M2,
> She's got a ferocious edge, it's so hot.
> 
> Me - I used to have a lot of edge but it was rough. Smooth edge is best.


That's interesting. I never thought of women as having edge before.


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## SimplyAmorous

Thundarr said:


> I don't know but I'll guess.
> 
> Being a mystery somewhat rough around the edges maybe. Being unpredictable and sending mixed signals (but not in a mean way). *Edge is opposite of boring, predicable, or soft*.


My H is soft and pretty predictable --this is why I had to wrack my brain on "his Edge"... but I am the type of person who would be wholly annoyed with someone who exuded too much mystery....I'd want to pick his brains.. uncover it all.. and get vulnerably close...I much prefer lots of togetherness..and a giving spirit of transparency over those things...

Just Banter with me, laugh, make fun of me & we're good ! Or too much high adventure / excitement -like a man who is always on the go..I think I'd want to throw him off the nearest cliff somewhere... 

I'll take Mr. "stable Family man" over there who has a sweet mushy side..that's what works for me.. then I'll bring the whips and chains.. to shake things up a bit.. (joking ...well.. maybe half)...


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## Entropy3000

Lyris said:


> I put this in Ladies Lounge, but anyone is welcome to answer.
> 
> How important is edge in a partner? How do you define edge? Is it the same for men and women?
> 
> My husband has definite edge and it's a big part of why I stay attracted to him. It's partly that he's a bit unpredictable, so I don't always know what he's going to say or how he's going to react.
> 
> And here's a recent example. He came into the kitchen to say good morning. I said, playfully, do you love me? He said "No" and snogged me. Then he smacked my ass and left.
> 
> Rawr
> 
> Of course this is combined with absolute integrity, honour and loyalty. I don't think I'd enjoy it if it was more real.


Huh? I wonder if your hubby read MMSL. I know, I kow your'e hubby has a natural edge and does not need a book to sharpen anything. He is genuine. But seriously this is straight out of that book.

I do think edge is important and no doubt this is all about compatibility, but that said, I suspect that edge is something that many do not realize they either have or like. So kudos for being insightful here. I would go on to say that some men and no doubt women repress their natural edge for whatever reason. They should let it out. It is part of who they are.


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## jld

Entropy3000 said:


> Huh? I wonder if your hubby read MMSL. I know I kow he is genuine. But seriously this is straight out of that book. Later .......


Well, I know mine did not. Maybe it's just a common move among men?


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## Lyris

Nah, he wouldn't read a book like that Ent. Plus he's been that way since I met him at 17, 24 years ago. 

I don't know how I'd define edge, but definitely unpredictability is a big part of it. A sense that you might not be totally approved of at all times. A lack of fawning and adoration. And yes, some mystery. 

Women have edge too. I tend not to be close friends with any that don't.


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## Coffee Amore

jld said:


> That's interesting. I never thought of women as having edge before.


Women have it too. They can banter. They can give it as well as they get it without getting all sensitive. They know how to be confident and playful without being b1tchy. It's a fine line, but women can be edgy.


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## over20

Lyris said:


> I put this in Ladies Lounge, but anyone is welcome to answer.
> 
> How important is edge in a partner? How do you define edge? Is it the same for men and women?
> 
> My husband has definite edge and it's a big part of why I stay attracted to him. It's partly that he's a bit unpredictable, so I don't always know what he's going to say or how he's going to react.
> 
> And here's a recent example. He came into the kitchen to say good morning. I said, playfully, do you love me? He said "No" and snogged me. Then he smacked my ass and left.
> 
> Rawr
> 
> Of course this is combined with absolute integrity, honour and loyalty. I don't think I'd enjoy it if it was more real.


I thought this was just natural love play between a husband and wife.


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## Dollystanford

I've always been attracted to a man with edge. My bf definitely has it. He's much more stable in a lot of ways than my ex was (I mean he has a proper job and stuff) but there's a reckless streak that really appeals

The other day we were looking at a picture of a bizarre looking, pretty large older woman and I said 'I might like look like that at 60' and he just said 'don't'

You can't create edge from reading a book about how to create it. you just have it or don't


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## Entropy3000

Lyris said:


> Nah, he wouldn't read a book like that Ent. Plus he's been that way since I met him at 17, 24 years ago.
> 
> I don't know how I'd define edge, but definitely unpredictability is a big part of it. A sense that you might not be totally approved of at all times. A lack of fawning and adoration. And yes, some mystery.
> 
> Women have edge too. I tend not to be close friends with any that don't.


Lyris, this defintely is something very real. Primal. The right amount of edge is very attractive. This is part of the bad boy / girl thing as well. Not all of it but part. There is a balance here somewhere. The balance is suspended temporarily and that can be fun. Rocking the boat a bit. Wondering what is next. The antiicaption is half the fun. It can be a tease even.

I think the unpredictability is important. Being spontaneous can be very exciting. I really hate things to be planned out too much ... all of the time. I get plenty of that at work. I prefer going with the moment. Otherwise I get bored.


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## Entropy3000

Dollystanford said:


> I've always been attracted to a man with edge. My bf definitely has it. He's much more stable in a lot of ways than my ex was (I mean he has a proper job and stuff) but there's a reckless streak that really appeals
> 
> The other day we were looking at a picture of a bizarre looking, pretty large older woman and I said 'I might like look like that at 60' and he just said 'don't'
> 
> You can't create edge from reading a book about how to create it. you just have it or don't


I agree you either have it or you don't but many people are programmed to repress those feelings.
I know I was brought up Catholic. Edge was not accpetable. I rebelled against it. Ran away and joined the circus ... I mean the Navy. I let my edge out there. Way out.

It can be very liberating to have your feelings validated that indeed you should be yourself. Certainly no one come here for validation though.
To a great extent not that long ago, I found I had been supressing the "fun" me. The me that my wife had fallen in love with. So I had a wakeup call. Working extra hours and being the uber provider only goes so far. It was time to bring back the more fun me.

I think we all have aspects to our personalities. We adapt / evolve in our lives. Indeed someone with a "true" edge would never be repressed!!! But I suggest that it can be a struggle and that life can present us with choices / challenges that impact us.

I am just suggesting that there do exist those that do not let that edge out. They hold it in, for one reason or another. They should not accept a life of suck. Instead they should allow that person out. In no way do I think they are fakes pretending.

Now many of your disagree I and I think that is just fine. But realize that there are those that may actually come here to learn how to be a better partner. Just saying you either are awesome or are not is less than helpful. I think we can all learn something, whether it be through experience, advice or even reading a book. We can realize we are not being true to ourselves. Nothing sadder than a guy who wants to throw his wife on the bed and ravage her passionatley and whose wife longs for that but he does not because he suppresses those feelings. He is holding back out of fear or programming.

I think it especially good for those that want to take their marriage to another level after being married for a while. We get into bad habits. Nothing wrong with reminding folks why they fell in love to begin with. Being a husband/wife/father/mother/worker for many years can dull that edge a tad. People can resharpen and regain themselves.

So Lyris, indeed this thread is awesome for everyone to celebrate their edginess ... but I think it has value for others who may realize they have lost that edge and they need to get their groove back.


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## Entropy3000

Coffee Amore said:


> Women have it too. They can banter. They can give it as well as they get it without getting all sensitive. They know how to be confident and playful without being b1tchy. It's a fine line, but women can be edgy.


A woman without an edge? Boring.


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## Dollystanford

Entropy3000 said:


> A woman without an edge? Boring.


I think edge stops people getting too complacent. It doesn't mean that person doesn't love or desire you or want you above anyone else. It just means that there is a faint hint of 'but...'

Not a hint of butt. That would be gross and most definitely not edgy


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## Lyris

It's the opposite of adoration. People with edge do not adore. They are adored.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife

To me edgy would include:

*being sexually expressive, on your own terms (ie: not just following what is expected of you)

*not being compliant or complacent but rather, being assertive and in charge of your own life (which might include being compliant or complacent but it is chosen, not abjectly thrust upon you)

*being willing to take risks in order to experience things you wouldn't otherwise experience

*not taking sh*t from anyone

*knowing that you should always come first in your own life, but able to join with another as desired with plenty of differentiation 

*being willing to walk out on anything if it doesn't work for you (not saying just be a jerk and up and leave, but it does mean never sticking around for a totally jacked up situation forever)

*capable of deep levels of intimacy...real intimacy is always edgy

*having charm and charisma but not using them to manipulate people, just using them because you can and because you like to

*being willing to stand up for others if you know they need you to, even if the face of disapproval or scorn from people

*questioning authority, but not in some dreary "poking the lion" way

*questioning reality and how it may be a bit plastic 

*stating your truth as needed, but not shoving it up someone's butt (that's just annoying, not edgy)

*allowing others to think whatever they want about you, good or bad, without trying to change anyone's mind


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## Faithful Wife

Lyris said:


> It's the opposite of adoration. People with edge do not adore. They are adored.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I get what you are meaning but adore isn't quite the right word.

Fawning was better.

I know my husband and I do adore each other and are both edgy...but we don't fawn on each other or try to gain approval or whatever.

We do both know that either of us would leave if we didn't feel this was working...even though we adore each other, we agree it could change and we'd be outta here. So it isn't some kind of guarantee of future adoration just because we do it now.

Maybe we don't have the same meaning for adoration though, I don't know.


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## heartsbeating

I'm too old to consider how the commercial sense of being 'edgy' may present. Thinking of those closest to me, the qualities that I'm drawn to are inner confidence, resilience, kindness, passion, a willingness to take risks. _"You don't have to be cool to rule my world.."_

When my husband and I were dating, he was living independently. Assertive, funny, bold, interesting, smoothly flirtatious. And he could cook. He schooled me on musicians I hadn't heard of. He'd experienced things growing up that I couldn't fathom and I admired his resilience (and dug his accent). He's a friendly, welcoming guy and even now, it's surprising and alluring when I've observed him become assertive in situations; speaking his mind. 

I don't know about edge but I do know my heart has felt a flutter this week just feeling his support and consideration in various ways including cooking for me (even my salmon fillet on gluten-free bread lol) and offering to drive me to the gym early morning, up at 5.30am. It was the only time I could get there. He said he wanted to help my day be a little easier. I loved that.  

When he met me, I was a leather jacket wearing, record shopping, up all night, sassy attitude styling, DJ.... (and he dug my accent). Now? I'm into clean eating, strength training, and don't need the attitude anymore. He thinks it'd be sad if I didn't change from back then. There's elements of that inner character that remain. It's just channeled differently now.

There's been moments in our relationship where we lost our own grooves. It's keeping that sense of self, for yourself, that's important, while still being considerate to the marriage. That in itself is attractive. Over time we change, our needs can change too - both of these things can affect attraction.


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## heartsbeating

Lyris said:


> I put this in Ladies Lounge, but anyone is welcome to answer.
> 
> How important is edge in a partner? How do you define edge? Is it the same for men and women?
> 
> My husband has definite edge and it's a big part of why I stay attracted to him. It's partly that he's a bit unpredictable, so I don't always know what he's going to say or how he's going to react.
> 
> And here's a recent example. He came into the kitchen to say good morning. I said, playfully, do you love me? He said "No" and snogged me. Then he smacked my ass and left.
> 
> Rawr
> 
> Of course this is combined with absolute integrity, honour and loyalty. I don't think I'd enjoy it if it was more real.


This is sexily playful. Nice!


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## Jellybeans

"Edge" to me is a man who stands up for himself, knows what he wants and isn't a doormat. 

He has a little extra something (that usually translates to my panty parts getting excited).


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## Jellybeans

heartsbeating said:


> When he met me, I was a leather jacket wearing, record shopping, up all night, sassy attitude styling, DJ.... (and he dug my accent).


:smthumbup:


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## Almostrecovered

I dance on the line of edgy and crazy


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## Lyris

Dance turtle dance


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## nuclearnightmare

Lyris - 
you come across kind of edgy yourself. 

in fact your avatar is edgy. who is the woman in the photograph......quite curious


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## Lyris

It's Lillian Gish, the silent movie actress. I look a bit like her, although I'm all in colour. 

As for am I edgy myself, if there's no edge, there's no point.


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## Thundarr

SimplyAmorous said:


> My H is soft and pretty predictable --this is why I had to wrack my brain on "his Edge"... but I am the type of person who would be wholly annoyed with someone who exuded too much mystery....I'd want to pick his brains.. uncover it all.. and get vulnerably close...I much prefer lots of togetherness..and a giving spirit of transparency over those things...
> 
> Just Banter with me, laugh, make fun of me & we're good ! Or too much high adventure / excitement -like a man who is always on the go..I think I'd want to throw him off the nearest cliff somewhere...
> 
> I'll take Mr. "stable Family man" over there who has a sweet mushy side..that's what works for me.. then I'll bring the whips and chains.. to shake things up a bit.. (joking ...well.. maybe half)...


There's nothing soft about Mr SA that I've read in any of your posts. Quite the opposite. He's a jack of all trades, well rounded, resourceful, responsible, and respectable. That sweet mushy side you see doesn't equate to soft IMO. Plus there's nothing soft about either of you raising respectful teenage boys. It doesn't happen by accident.


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## DvlsAdvc8

I absolutely need edge. One could also call it confidence, mystique, spontaneity and enthusiasm.


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## jld

Thundarr said:


> There's nothing soft about Mr SA that I've read in any of your posts. Quite the opposite. He's a jack of all trades, well rounded, resourceful, responsible, and respectable. That sweet mushy side you see doesn't equate to soft IMO. Plus there's nothing soft about either of you raising respectful teenage boys. It doesn't happen by accident.


:iagree: Great family.


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## Thundarr

Jellybeans said:


> "Edge" to me is a man who stands up for himself, knows what he wants and isn't a doormat.
> 
> He has a little extra something (that usually translates to my panty parts getting excited).


I like that simple and concise definition.


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## Lyris

Faithful Wife said:


> I get what you are meaning but adore isn't quite the right word.
> 
> Fawning was better.
> 
> I know my husband and I do adore each other and are both edgy...but we don't fawn on each other or try to gain approval or whatever.
> 
> We do both know that either of us would leave if we didn't feel this was working...even though we adore each other, we agree it could change and we'd be outta here. So it isn't some kind of guarantee of future adoration just because we do it now.
> 
> Maybe we don't have the same meaning for adoration though, I don't know.


I know what you mean, but I prefer adore. I am certainly not deficient in the edge department, but my husband leaves me behind. I adore him, he does not adore me. He loves me with concentrated passion, but he doesn't adore me. 

Maybe it's part of being slightly aloof. It's hot because I get glimpses of what's underneath now and then.


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## Faithful Wife

I don't think I could live without being adored at least to some extent. I don't want it to be the only way he worships me, though. Because I also want to be loved for my intelligence and wit, which are things that are typically not adored, per se.

Also I do adore him, but definitely not as much as I lust for him.


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## SimplyAmorous

Faithful Wife said:


> I get what you are meaning but adore isn't quite the right word.
> 
> Fawning was better.
> 
> *I know my husband and I do adore each other* and are both edgy...but we don't fawn on each other or try to gain approval or whatever.
> 
> We do both know that either of us would leave if we didn't feel this was working...even though we adore each other, we agree it could change and we'd be outta here. So it isn't some kind of guarantee of future adoration just because we do it now.
> 
> *Maybe we don't have the same meaning for adoration though, I don't know.*


I want adoration in my marriage.. I enjoy giving it ...and who wouldn't want this in return. ...it's part of feeling alive and kicking with your partner.. 

*Adoration can be defined as*: admiration or esteem; the action of loving devotion or fascination.

I found this on the net.. I agree with it...



> Adoration is an actionable emotion where one feels literally compelled to express it naturally and instinctively ...
> 
> After a couple gets married it’s normal to see the outward expression of passion decline. The adoration for each other visible on their wedding day tends to dissipate over time. Some couples unfortunately choose to place this beautiful value into ‘storage’ until their anniversary or other special occasion.
> 
> It takes work to keep the value of adoration alive and active.
> 
> And no, you don’t have to ‘worship’ the ground your spouse walks on.
> 
> For your spouse, what you can do is look for continual reasons to admire them, and to remain fascinated with them. In so doing, you might find it easier to be lovingly devoted to them – a wonderful form of admiration.


*Fawning* is more >> to seek favor by flattery; to exhibit affection or attempt to please" ..to flatter someone or attend to someone excessively; to curry favor with someone....it gives me a feeling of lopsided-ness ..it's not mutual by it's definition...as it's one's attempt to please excessively to another...

When fawning is used in a sentence...it is generally seen as someone feeling it's "too much, trying too hard".. over the top.. so it holds that negative connotation with it...No good... 

However...Admiration for your partner / mutual adoration....beautiful..


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## FrenchFry

> "Edge" to me is a man who stands up for himself, knows what he wants and isn't a doormat.


I'll go with this one because:



> He came into the kitchen to say good morning. I said, playfully, do you love me? He said "No" and snogged me. Then he smacked my ass and left.


I would honestly be hurt by this just because I don't ask things like that playfully. Oh man, I'd be sad. 

But an example of edge that I personally love and is progression from our earlier days:

We were out with our friends and this guy took a swing (missed, drunk of course,) my husband turned around, pinned him and said "No." Done, I love that.


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## Lyris

It's not hurtful to me because it's ridiculous. I have no insecurity about how much my husband loves me.

It's edge. It's a refusal to dance to my tune. And it keeps me interested.


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## Deejo

Edge is joyfully sitting on the precipice of bat sh!t crazy, kicking your feet and giggling like a 5 year old. Sometimes it can be very cool and collected, bordering on detached and disinterested.

Then again, it could actually be that she or he is bat sh!t crazy or a sociopath ... but making the discovery between which is the case can be really exciting and enjoyable.


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## FrenchFry

Lyris said:


> It's not hurtful to me because it's ridiculous. I have no insecurity about how much my husband loves me.
> 
> It's edge. It's a refusal to dance to my tune. And it keeps me interested.


I like the refusal to dance to my tune! I'm just wired the way that if I'm asking "do you love me," it's out of dead seriousness-and I'd be sad to be blown off. 

The dance--there are times when I don't know if we are even listening to the same music and then somehow we are doing the frug together. Edgy!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous

> *Deejo said*: Edge is joyfully sitting on the precipice of bat sh!t crazy, kicking your feet and giggling like a 5 year old. Sometimes it can be very cool and collected, bordering on detached and disinterested.
> 
> Then again, it could actually be that she or he is bat sh!t crazy or a sociopath ... but making the discovery between which is the case can be really exciting and enjoyable


 So good... obviously hard to define or box ...Bordering madness







to indifference.











Thundarr said:


> There's nothing soft about Mr SA that I've read in any of your posts. Quite the opposite. He's a jack of all trades, well rounded, resourceful, responsible, and respectable. T*hat sweet mushy side you see doesn't equate to soft IMO.* Plus there's nothing soft about either of you raising respectful teenage boys. It doesn't happen by accident.


It's funny how we associate WORDS with different meanings... Mushy & sweet is "*SOFT*" to me.. or Laid back is Soft..

Maybe doormat = soft to others..I don't know...

*Predictable* to me - is not always a bad thing either.. I guess it depends if one is thinking predictably late.. predictably passive aggressive, predictably boring ....or maybe predictably on time, dependable / can count on his word..and predictably affectionate & happy....something steadfast that can be counted on... .. though I doubt anyone else here would make that association... but only look upon it as a negative somehow..

A shy computer nerd can be Responsible and Respectable ...yet lack much of an "edge" while women never give him a 2nd look... 

It's a hard thing to define with just words...ya know... Sexual Chemistry is an amazing ...yet undefinable thing ..so I feel...but when it works... it just works! KInda like this saying.. does it really MAKE sense.. yet we "feel" it..










Part of my ongoing attraction is tied up into our shared history.. others may have a more Exciting/ more Edgy man... no doubt....but I lean so much on the shared memories ventured..., .. it's a huge part of who I am...or where I have come...if it's been a good ride, these things can never be erased...they play on me...somehow we can't imagine life without them there beside us. 

Always Love your thoughts Thundarr !


----------



## Coffee Amore

FrenchFry said:


> I like the refusal to dance to my tune! I'm just wired the way that if I'm asking "do you love me," it's out of dead seriousness-and I'd be sad to be blown off.


I hear what you're saying, but for me such an answer wouldn't be a dismissive answer. I almost expect it and want it sometimes. It's part of the verbal play we have. If he always said "yes" to that question, it would be too predictable and yes, boring to me.


----------



## jld

Do any of you ladies get annoyed by something your husband is doing, tell him it annoys you, and right away he does it more, looking right at you? And then you find yourself giggling, and melting into him? 

Not that that just happened here or anything.


----------



## Coffee Amore

Yes, jld...and sometimes he smirks while doing it too. But I like it secretly even though I play along pretending not to like it. And later yes, we both have a good laugh about it.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

jld said:


> Do any of you ladies get annoyed by something your husband is doing, tell him it annoys you, and right away he does it more, looking right at you? And then you find yourself giggling, and melting into him?
> 
> Not that that just happened here or anything.


My H will do this purposely just to get a rise out of me.. I wish I could think of an example at the moment but one escapes me.. .. it's never anything BIG ....or I am furious about mind you.... yet slightly annoying and I will have something to say...then he'll greatly exaggerate it ... which makes me realize I am being ridiculous...(he's making fun of me - I like this )... and it always gets me laughing, or I'll go over to him like I am going to punch him out and he'll grab me - yeah, he knows what he was doing... then we laugh together, that melting.. and the kissing starts...

It can be a pleasant form of taking an irritation in a moment...using some verbal banter and turning it all around into PLAY... Love it !


----------



## jld

Lol, SA! Your DH does have edge!


----------



## Lyris

Oh Americans I am starting to think you just don't understand edge. Maybe you are all too polite or something. 

You do make really good tv shows though so I guess you can't be good at everything.


----------



## NextTimeAround

jld said:


> Do any of you ladies get annoyed by something your husband is doing, tell him it annoys you, and right away he does it more, looking right at you? And then you find yourself giggling, and melting into him?
> 
> Not that that just happened here or anything.


No, I call that a demonstration of passive aggression.


----------



## NextTimeAround

Deejo said:


> Edge is joyfully sitting on the precipice of bat sh!t crazy, kicking your feet and giggling like a 5 year old. Sometimes it can be very cool and collected, bordering on detached and disinterested.
> 
> Then again, it could actually be that she or he is bat sh!t crazy or a sociopath ... but making the discovery between which is the case can be really exciting and enjoyable.



Sounds like edgy is kind of James Bondish. Or feisty...

I agree that being nice or solicitous all the time is not only annoying but can be equally manipulative, but, really I don't want to deal with a PA or just a downright rude person.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

intheory said:


> Urban Dictionary: edge
> 
> I looked it up to see what it means.
> 
> So, that must mean I don't have it.
> 
> Kind of like in the movie "Office Space" where they have to look up the definition of "money laundering", in the dictionary.


Well the 1st definition was speaking about the Gay scene -actions & techniques that get you close to orgasm and hold it "at the edge" for a long time (even hours)...not applying here.. 

These fit...

*13*. adjective. used to describe something that is cool, or cutting edge.
_"that new CD was totally edge_!

*18*. adj 1. The pinnacle of very cool, excellent, outstanding, or awesome. 

*24*. (*Bad Boy reference*)...A rude immature person. One who lacks respect for authority. A rule breaker.
_"That jerk is so edge. He thinks the rules don't apply to him"_.


----------



## Lyris

Except none of those fit


----------



## Fenix

Giro flee said:


> I can't stand any edge. I grew up in a chaotic environment so I'm really uncomfortable when things aren't predictable.


This. I like unpredictability but not in the love arena. And definitely not in the temper arena. My father was all full of edge...


What has been described here is not edge. It is playfulness. (at least as far as I have read).


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Fenix said:


> This. I like unpredictability but not in the love arena. And definitely not in the temper arena. *My father was all full of edge*...
> 
> *What has been described here is not edge. It is playfulness.* (at least as far as I have read).


Sounds like you'd prefer Playfulness over this thing called "EDGE" then. Given your example with the ... I'd surly agree !


----------



## jld

Fenix said:


> What has been described here is not edge. It is playfulness. (at least as far as I have read).


You know, I think you are right. Thanks for pointing that out!


----------



## NextTimeAround

SimplyAmorous said:


> Sounds like you'd prefer Playfulness over this thing called "EDGE" then. Given your example with the ... I'd surly agree !



_surly_ agree or surely agree???


----------



## jld

NextTimeAround said:


> No, I call that a demonstration of passive aggression.


You know, that is a good point. I never thought of it that way.

But is it bad if it makes me laugh, and see that it is not really a big deal after all? Do intentions matter?

If I had really been upset about it, he would have stopped. It was just to get a rise out of me. It's fun. It is _playful,_ just like Fenix pointed out.

I could not live with James Bond. I need more emotional connection than that.


----------



## Rowan

Deejo said:


> Edge is joyfully sitting on the precipice of bat sh!t crazy, kicking your feet and giggling like a 5 year old. Sometimes it can be very cool and collected, bordering on detached and disinterested.
> 
> Then again, it could actually be that she or he is bat sh!t crazy or a sociopath ... but *making the discovery between which is the case can be really exciting and enjoyable*.


Until, ya know, it's not. 

My ex-husband was a little edgy. Not your typical bad boy at all. But smart, funny, fun, confident, bold, brave to the edge of insanity, and seemingly completely uncaring of anyone else's opinion of him. It was both safe _and_ exciting and really, really, great. 

Until it wasn't. Eventually, I became numbered among the "anyone elses" that he didn't care about. That bravery slid into recklessness. The smart and funny became snide and contemptuous. The confidence was revealed to be narcissism and entitlement. What once seemed a veneer of edge over a core of integrity and good character, was revealed to actually be a thin veneer of integrity and character over a core of something very dark. And not at all safe or exciting or great. 

I'm, frankly, rather gun-shy of "edge" at this point. I like it. I'm attracted to a bit of it. But knowing how exceptionally well - and for how long - some people are able to disguise a disordered personality as "edge", makes me wary of it.


----------



## NextTimeAround

jld said:


> You know, that is a good point. I never thought of it that way.
> 
> But is it bad if it makes me laugh, and see that it is not really a big deal after all? *Do intentions matter?*
> 
> If I had really been upset about it, he would have stopped. It was just to get a rise out of me. It's fun. It is _playful,_ just like Fenix pointed out.
> 
> I could not live with James Bond. I need more emotional connection than that.


They don't to me. If I ask someone to stop doing something, I am being as open and honest as I can be (that which well paid therapists tell you to be). For someone to continue doing it and then say "just kidding" is unacceptable to me.

If we were in the dating stages, this would be a red flag or maybe even a deal breaker.


----------



## jld

NextTimeAround said:


> They don't to me. If I ask someone to stop doing something, I am being as open and honest as I can be (that which well paid therapists tell you to be). For someone to continue doing it and then say "just kidding" is unacceptable to me.
> 
> If we were in the dating stages, this would be a red flag or maybe even a deal breaker.


Well, in our case it really was just lighthearted fun.


----------



## MEM2020

Rowan,
I really, really like this. Shows how too much of any trait tends to reflect something 'not so good' under the hood. 





Rowan said:


> Until, ya know, it's not.
> 
> My ex-husband was a little edgy. Not your typical bad boy at all. But smart, funny, fun, confident, bold, brave to the edge of insanity, and seemingly completely uncaring of anyone else's opinion of him. It was both safe _and_ exciting and really, really, great.
> 
> Until it wasn't. Eventually, I became numbered among the "anyone elses" that he didn't care about. That bravery slid into recklessness. The smart and funny became snide and contemptuous. The confidence was revealed to be narcissism and entitlement. What once seemed a veneer of edge over a core of integrity and good character, was revealed to actually be a thin veneer of integrity and character over a core of something very dark. And not at all safe or exciting or great.
> 
> I'm, frankly, rather gun-shy of "edge" at this point. I like it. I'm attracted to a bit of it. But knowing how exceptionally well - and for how long - some people are able to disguise a disordered personality as "edge", makes me wary of it.


----------



## MEM2020

Lyris,

I googled this a few times. No luck. 


Edge: A personality trait characterized by the tendency to become aggressive when provoked or thwarted. 






Lyris said:


> Except none of those fit


----------



## Anon Pink

I guess edge is like porn. Difficult to define but you know it when you see it.

My H shows edge sometimes. When he does I find it unbelievably sexy. And then there are other times when his thoughtfulness toward me, which I see as the opposit of edge, just melts me into a puddle. 

He always makes sure I have cash, something I never ever think about. But I often go into my wallet to pull out a credit card for a few dollars worth of stuff and find cash that I didn't even know he put in there. Maybe the fact that he did it, without informing me, is edge too?


----------



## MEM2020

No - that's kindness. 

Edge and kindness are a beautiful combo.




Anon Pink said:


> I guess edge is like porn. Difficult to define but you know it when you see it.
> 
> My H shows edge sometimes. When he does I find it unbelievably sexy. And then there are other times when his thoughtfulness toward me, which I see as the opposit of edge, just melts me into a puddle.
> 
> He always makes sure I have cash, something I never ever think about. But I often go into my wallet to pull out a credit card for a few dollars worth of stuff and find cash that I didn't even know he put in there. Maybe the fact that he did it, without informing me, is edge too?


----------



## jld

Anon Pink said:


> And then there are other times when his thoughtfulness toward me, which I see as the opposit of edge, just melts me into a puddle.


Aww . . . I like that better than "edge," however it is defined. 



> He always makes sure I have cash, something I never ever think about. But I often go into my wallet to pull out a credit card for a few dollars worth of stuff and find cash that I didn't even know he put in there. Maybe the fact that he did it, without informing me, is edge too?


That is _love._


----------



## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> It's something I never heard of before coming here...a fascinating subject though..and one our men would enjoy reading us write him up about ... .


There' a lot of stuff I never heard of before coming here.

I've read about the edge, the bad boy, and the list goes on. I guess i might have at least heard of it, but I always assumed this was for people in their teens or early twenties who were searching for themselves and wanted a taste of everything.

But does the average woman in her 30s or 40s with kids want a bad boy with an unpredictable edge for a husband? 

If so, is it done in a joking manner by that point, kinda like playing dress up at bed time. He's not really batman and she's not really catwoman, but it's fun to pretend. 

One may want a husband with edgy characteristics, but deep down know that he's really one who supports his family and thinks logically. True?


----------



## RClawson

Faithful Wife said:


> To me edgy would include:
> 
> *being sexually expressive, on your own terms (ie: not just following what is expected of you)
> 
> *not being compliant or complacent but rather, being assertive and in charge of your own life (which might include being compliant or complacent but it is chosen, not abjectly thrust upon you)
> 
> *being willing to take risks in order to experience things you wouldn't otherwise experience
> 
> *not taking sh*t from anyone
> 
> *knowing that you should always come first in your own life, but able to join with another as desired with plenty of differentiation
> 
> *being willing to walk out on anything if it doesn't work for you (not saying just be a jerk and up and leave, but it does mean never sticking around for a totally jacked up situation forever)
> 
> *capable of deep levels of intimacy...real intimacy is always edgy
> 
> *having charm and charisma but not using them to manipulate people, just using them because you can and because you like to
> 
> *being willing to stand up for others if you know they need you to, even if the face of disapproval or scorn from people
> 
> *questioning authority, but not in some dreary "poking the lion" way
> 
> *questioning reality and how it may be a bit plastic
> 
> *stating your truth as needed, but not shoving it up someone's butt (that's just annoying, not edgy)
> 
> *allowing others to think whatever they want about you, good or bad, without trying to change anyone's mind


This is just so Excellent!


----------



## jld

southbound said:


> One may want a husband with edgy characteristics, but deep down know that he's really one who supports his family and thinks logically. True?


True.


----------



## Coffee Amore

It's not about being a jerk. I'm not looking for a bad boy. Never have. Those do nothing for me. I find them immature and boring. For me someone with edge is someone who isn't too soft and predictable all the time. He mixes it up. Keep you on your toes. I don't know if this is something that can be taught. My husband has always had this quality. It comes naturally. He's never read MMSL and would have no interest in books like that. 

I wouldn't say it's done in a joking manner. It's done without laughing. You're not giggling like you're playing pretend and can't believe you're doing this, BUT (and this is a big but like a J.Lo butt) you know that he's still a great husband and loves you. In a secure relationship, edge is great. Perhaps if the relationship is rocky, edge is not so great.


----------



## Ikaika

So growing up there is this surf spot called "pipes". It was named as such because a large pipe was lodged into the reefs edge to designate where the reef ended and the channel begin. It was put up by the Gay and Robinson family (who owned the adjacent property) so they could navigate their boats coming from Ni'ihau filled with cattle and sheep to slaughter upstream. The Robinsons hated surfers but long standing Hawai'i laws require all private land owners provide right of way to the beach, that is no one can own beaches here. So, when they brought their cattle and sheep in for slaughter they would throw the viscera into the channel. Thus the channel was occupied with sharks pretty regularly (practice no longer allowed). Pipes had a perfect wave, but viscous as well, both because of the nature of the wave and because it broke over a sharp and shallow reef. 

We surfed it quite a lot, but wipeouts often met with flesh against reef and eventually paddling to shore through the channel (end of surf day) with some bleeding cut. Yes we saw sharks often, but never deterred us from surfing this awesome spot. Too good to pass up. And wipeouts would occur, and one had to go home at some point. When you got to shore of course cleaning it out with some stinging fluid was just as important to avoid massive infections. 

This is my idea of edge, willing to take some level of risk to do, pursue and or hold onto that which is important to you. A confident risk, but in a mature manner. 

My example of edge, hope it makes sense.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

NextTimeAround said:


> _surly_ agree or surely agree???


Are you one of TAM's word police, I am not a perfect woman - I can miss a letter now & then, use the wrong spelling ....you get the meaning.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

southbound said:


> One may want a husband with edgy characteristics, but deep down know that he's really one who supports his family and thinks logically. True?


Yes, very true but I would throw in lots more than just supporting a family and being logical.. I want lots of affection, laughing, banter, time and







too!


----------



## SimplyAmorous

drerio said:


> So growing up there is this surf spot called "pipes". It was named as such because a large pipe was lodged into the reefs edge to designate where the reef ended and the channel begin. It was put up by the Gay and Robinson family (who owned the adjacent property) so they could navigate their boats coming from Ni'ihau filled with cattle and sheep to slaughter upstream. The Robinsons hated surfers but long standing Hawai'i laws require all private land owners provide right of way to the beach, that is no one can own beaches here. So, when they brought their cattle and sheep in for slaughter they would throw the viscera into the channel. *Thus the channel was occupied with sharks pretty regularly (practice no longer allowed). Pipes had a perfect wave, but viscous as well, both because of the nature of the wave and because it broke over a sharp and shallow reef. *
> 
> *We surfed it quite a lot, but wipeouts often met with flesh against reef and eventually paddling to shore through the channel (end of surf day) with some bleeding cut. Yes we saw sharks often, but never deterred us from surfing this awesome spot. Too good to pass up. * And wipeouts would occur, and one had to go home at some point. When you got to shore of course cleaning it out with some stinging fluid was just as important *to avoid massive infections. *
> 
> This is my idea of edge, willing to take some level of risk to do, pursue and or hold onto that which is important to you. A confident risk, but in a mature manner.
> 
> My example of edge, hope it makes sense.


 I bet a good majority of women would be turned on by that..its edgy !...(he's such an Alpha... look at him -he is so brave...nothing stops him, not even sharks!) ... it does nothing for me though..... if my BF wanted to surf in shark infested waters -just for a thrill for a bigger wave... I'd dump him..

I have no allure to high risk in a man AT ALL..

I prefer a safety conscious man..I want us to make it to our rocking chairs together... this is far more attractive to me.

Some risks are worth it, of course, but the possible "bodily harm type" -if not for a worthy cause... (war, to save a child, to save a loved one)....I wouldn't think so. But that's just me....

You're still wonderful Drerio...and glad you didn't get eaten by a shark !


----------



## NextTimeAround

SimplyAmorous said:


> Are you one of TAM's word police, I am not a perfect woman - I can miss a letter now & then, use the wrong spelling ....you get the meaning.



Not being mean here, sorry .... just noticing how divergent the two meanings are due to one additional letter.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

NextTimeAround said:


> Not being mean here, sorry .... just noticing how divergent the two meanings are due to one additional letter.


I am not aware of the differences, I would have to look it up ... I am happy you are not a part of the word police then......it's just not something that personally bothers me but it's like LIFE...... it does some here, I have even seen threads on it.. and think to myself....how silly is that...but I suppose they would think that of some of the things that might bother me.... It's all good.


----------



## Ikaika

SimplyAmorous said:


> I bet a good majority of women would be turned on by that..its edgy !...(he's such an Alpha... look at him -he is so brave...nothing stops him, not even sharks!) ... it does nothing for me though..... if my BF wanted to surf in shark infested waters -just for a thrill for a bigger wave... I'd dump him..
> 
> I have no allure to high risk in a man AT ALL..
> 
> I prefer a safety conscious man..I want us to make it to our rocking chairs together... this is far more attractive to me.
> 
> Some risks are worth it, of course, but the possible "bodily harm type" -if not for a worthy cause... (war, to save a child, to save a loved one)....I wouldn't think so. But that's just me....
> 
> You're still wonderful Drerio...and glad you didn't get eaten by a shark !


You have to remember I was a teenager and in my 20s... if you wanted to surf a great wave you had to take the risk. It is what it is and I never gave it a thought of how it may or may not have attracted women. I was at that time adverse to any sort of commitment to a relationship. 

Times change and not that I don't enjoy doing certain physical activities, doing open ocean swims and the like, I don't go out of my way to do these things to make myself more attractive to my wife. I simply do it because I enjoy it.


----------



## Coffee Amore

drerio said:


> , I don't go out of my way to do these things to make myself more attractive to my wife. I simply do it because I enjoy it.


To me that's part of being edgy. The man's not doing it for someone else. It's who he is. He does it for himself and he knows his lady likes it too. 

I admire big wave surfers like Laird Hamilton, but could and would never go that far in the ocean.


----------



## Ikaika

Coffee Amore said:


> To me that's part of being edgy. The man's not doing it for someone else. It's who he is. He does it for himself and he knows his lady likes it too.
> 
> I admire big wave surfers like Laird Hamilton, but could and would never go that far in the ocean.


BILLABONG PRO TAHITI PSYCHO TEAHUPOO - YouTube


----------



## Coffee Amore

That's neat... How about this one?

Laird Hamilton takes on Teahupoo - YouTube


----------



## SimplyAmorous

drerio said:


> You have to remember I was a teenager and in my 20s... if you wanted to surf a great wave you had to take the risk. It is what it is and I never gave it a thought of how it may or may not have attracted women. I was at that time adverse to any sort of commitment to a relationship.
> 
> Times change and not that I don't enjoy doing certain physical activities, doing open ocean swims and the like, I don't go out of my way to do these things to make myself more attractive to my wife. I simply do it because I enjoy it.


Oh I totally get that , most people in their young yrs just wanted to have crazy fun.. You are the norm..... I am the weird one here..I realize this ...

I really was looking for love...we all should be who we are right? so LIKE can meet up with LIKE....and it be authentic ...

Most young men wouldn't want to settle down early in life and be attached to one woman...I guess what I am realizing on this thread is...Edgy is not something I need a whole lot of.. (Playfulness -an enthusiastic attitude -sure)...but it does appear vast amounts of women are into "Edgy"... or need so much of it... or they would get bored..


----------



## Ikaika

SimplyAmorous said:


> Oh I totally get that , most people in their young yrs just wanted to have crazy fun.. You are the norm..... I am the weird one here..I realize this ...
> 
> I really was looking for love...we all should be who we are right? so LIKE can meet up with LIKE....and it be authentic ...
> 
> Most young men wouldn't want to settle down early in life and be attached to one woman...I guess what I am realizing on this thread is...Edgy is not something I need a whole lot of.. (Playfulness -an enthusiastic attitude -sure)...but it does appear vast amounts of women are into "Edgy"... or need so much of it... or they would get bored..


you are not weird, you are you and that is what makes us all unique. It would be boring (i.e. not edgy at all) if we were all exactly the same. So I get it.


----------



## hambone

SimplyAmorous said:


> I bet a good majority of women would be turned on by that..its edgy !...(he's such an Alpha... look at him -he is so brave...nothing stops him, not even sharks!) ... it does nothing for me though..... if my BF wanted to surf in shark infested waters -just for a thrill for a bigger wave... I'd dump him..
> 
> I have no allure to high risk in a man AT ALL..
> 
> I prefer a safety conscious man..I want us to make it to our rocking chairs together... this is far more attractive to me.
> 
> Some risks are worth it, of course, but the possible "bodily harm type" -if not for a worthy cause... (war, to save a child, to save a loved one)....I wouldn't think so. But that's just me....
> 
> You're still wonderful Drerio...and glad you didn't get eaten by a shark !


My current wife's previous husband was very much an Alpha male. He was a state policeman..

Problem was.. He couldn't take off those mirrored sunglasses when he got home. 

He maintained that authoritarian persona 24/7.

He couldn't change into a Husband/Daddy mode when he got home. 

He snapped orders and expected them to be followed by his subordinates... He expected a small child to act like he told her to act!

And, what I see as my wife's strengths.. he saw as direct challenges to his authority.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

drerio said:


> you are not weird, you are you and that is what makes us all unique. *It would be boring (i.e. not edgy at all) if we were all exactly the same.* So I get it.


Always Graceful Drerio.. always... this is the truth.


----------



## Lyris

If you don't agree with me then we aren't defining edge in the same way. 

Having edge means that you're never quite sure of someone. There's always a little touch of danger, and a sense you better keep bringing your A-game if you want to keep them.

Do I have high expectations of my husband too? Yes, but his are higher. 

Coffee Amore is the one who's nailed it on this thread as far as descriptions go.


----------



## Thundarr

Lyris said:


> If you don't agree with me then we aren't defining edge in the same way.
> 
> Having edge means that you're never quite sure of someone. There's always a little touch of danger, and a sense you better keep bringing your A-game if you want to keep them.
> 
> Do I have high expectations of my husband too? Yes, but his are higher.
> 
> Coffee Amore is the one who's nailed it on this thread as far as descriptions go.


Your definition makes sense. What kind of person has high expectations of those around them? A person with inner confidence whose not driven by fear.


----------



## Thundarr

Threetimesalady said:


> Yet, who can be sure of those they partner with?...We married out of love....Only been with him for 47 days of the two years I knew him...And this was up until the day I married...Come to think about it we never should have done this...This was passion at its height...My husband had no plans for the future...He wanted to work at a golf course...He had no life training and I taught him and pushed him forward on everything he did...He took night courses in college...Worked up the ladder of success...Saying this then I was the person who was not driven by fear...I had the edge...I loved him so much that I was willing to stake my life on him....But, isn't this the story of life with many of us?...I feel I am no different than the average woman...


You know women better than I do . Potential of edge seems like edge if you think you're the right woman to bring it out. Really though, attraction is innate. Sometimes we over think things and make it too complicated.


----------



## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> I bet a good majority of women would be turned on by that..its edgy !...(he's such an Alpha... look at him -he is so brave...nothing stops him, not even sharks!) ... it does nothing for me though..... if my BF wanted to surf in shark infested waters -just for a thrill for a bigger wave... I'd dump him..
> 
> I have no allure to high risk in a man AT ALL..
> 
> I prefer a safety conscious man..I want us to make it to our rocking chairs together... this is far more attractive to me.
> 
> Some risks are worth it, of course, but the possible "bodily harm type" -if not for a worthy cause... (war, to save a child, to save a loved one)....I wouldn't think so. But that's just me....
> 
> You're still wonderful Drerio...and glad you didn't get eaten by a shark !


If I have to swim with sharks to be attractive to a woman, I guess I'll forever be repulsive. That just doesn't compute with the logical part of my brain.


----------



## jld

southbound said:


> If I have to swim with sharks to be attractive to a woman, I guess I'll forever be repulsive. That just doesn't compute with the logical part of my brain.


Different women like different things, southbound. Just be yourself.


----------



## TiggyBlue

From the definition edge it seems I have it 
(although I adore my husband so maybe I don't, although he does live up to my high expectations).


----------



## kilgore

i think i am mushy, not edgy


----------



## nuclearnightmare

Lyris said:


> It's Lillian Gish, the silent movie actress. I look a bit like her, although I'm all in colour.
> 
> As for am I edgy myself, if there's no edge, there's no point.


Ok. I thought she looked familiar. She acted in talking films too. Maybe into the 1960s or 70s? Like i say, that is a cool picture. Good avatars.


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## nuclearnightmare

Lyris said:


> Oh Americans I am starting to think you just don't understand edge. Maybe you are all too polite or something.
> 
> You do make really good tv shows though so I guess you can't be good at everything.


Our sports are edgy, agree? Some sports have no edge. Let's name some...I'll go first

Soccer


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## Coffee Amore

nuclearnightmare said:


> Our sports are edgy, agree? Some sports have no edge. Let's name some...I'll go first
> 
> Soccer


Soccer, yes

Badminton, no

Table Tennis, no


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## SimplyAmorous

Not signaling you out at all ThreeTimes.. it's just how I feel about that sort of thing, I didn't say you were like this...but as the others on this thread.. you are attracted to that sort of fearlessness - as your husband was also.. it's like I said earlier.. I think most women are... 

I am trying to say that those things do not personally do anything for me.. and in coming to this conclusion.. I have effectively realized I do not require this thing called Edge in a man..not given the definitions coming forth out of this thread..

I will attempt to explain...



Lyris said:


> *Having edge means that you're never quite sure of someone. There's always a little touch of danger, and a sense you better keep bringing your A-game if you want to keep them.*
> 
> Do I have high expectations of my husband too? Yes, but his are higher.
> 
> Coffee Amore is the one who's nailed it on this thread as far as descriptions go.


So "Edge" ...a little danger, a little RISK..or you are amiss.. must not have it and some would render you boring.. 

I don't think any of this exists in my marriage...ya know like he needs to keep excelling in some way to hold my ooomph for him....there is no risk/ danger anything at play with us ... other than living life as it comes ... 

I can list plenty of areas where he better keep his game up (if Game is the appropriate term).. ...like keeping his weight down/ his enjoying time with me /his enthusiasm / his affection...and keeping the bedroom warm (hot is even better). 

I think I beat to a different drum altogether.. .. I yield and thrive by being thankful / appreciative to what this person has brought to my life.. my interest is stirred & continued on what our union brings forth.. the fruits of that....he brightens my days....not so much His Edge or mine..

But I'd say we're both *Playful ENOUGH* to keep things Rocking ...and an attraction flowing... but it's all SAFE and SECURE...and that's the way I would want it...nothing less than..

I guess I have come to this conclusion .... 

Some need so much "Edge"...(sense of danger/ risk) ....and some prefer the scales tipped on ROMANCE... which would be the opposite of this I feel.. 

(and by this I do not mean flowers, cards & candles, it's an ever present feeling for your man....that carries you.....it entails being sensitive, expressive, and spiritual, not only in regards to one’s beloved, but in one’s life as well, through saturating it with great beauty. )


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## Faithful Wife

Gymnastics.

Skiing.

Mountain climbing.


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## jld

SimplyAmorous said:


> Not signaling you out at all ThreeTimes.. it's just how I feel about that sort of thing, I didn't say you were like this...but as the others on this thread.. you are attracted to that sort of fearlessness - as your husband was also.. it's like I said earlier.. I think most women are...
> 
> I am trying to say that those things do not personally do anything for me.. and in coming to this conclusion.. I have effectively realized I do not require this thing called Edge in a man..not given the definitions coming forth out of this thread..


I am coming to the same conclusion, SA. Some of what I'm reading here is actually a bit disturbing. But it is certainly good for people to say whatever they feel.



> So "Edge" ...a little danger, a little RISK..or you are amiss.. must not have it and some would render you boring..
> 
> I don't think any of this exists in my marriage...ya know like he needs to keep excelling in some way to hold my ooomph for him....there is no risk/ danger anything at play with us ... other than living life as it comes ...


Yeah, for some of us, regular life brings enough challenge. 



> I can list plenty of areas where he better keep his game up (if Game is the appropriate term).. ...like keeping his weight down/ his enjoying time with me /his enthusiasm / his affection...and keeping the bedroom warm (hot is even better).
> 
> I think I beat to a different drum altogether.. .. I yield and thrive by being thankful / appreciative to what this person has brought to my life.. my interest is stirred & continued on what our union brings forth.. the fruits of that....he brightens my days....not so much His Edge or mine..


 I totally agree.



> But I'd say we're both *Playful ENOUGH* to keep things Rocking ...and an attraction flowing... but it's all SAFE and SECURE...and that's the way I would want it...nothing less than..
> 
> I guess I have come to this conclusion ....
> 
> Some need so much "Edge"...(sense of danger/ risk) ....and some prefer the scales tipped on ROMANCE... which would be the opposite of this I feel..


Different people need different things, I guess. I am into safe and secure, too. Feels peaceful. I like peaceful. I _need_ peaceful.

I think playfulness is important to keep life from getting boring. But real risk-taking? No, thanks. 

I wouldn't feel safe in my marriage if I thought my husband would leave me for any reason. I wouldn't feel safe enough to try out new ideas, to consider new thoughts. I would be too busy trying to make sure my basic safety needs were met. 

Just not how I would want to live my life, I guess.


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## SimplyAmorous

Jld , thank you for your above thoughts on my attempt to *R E A S O N * that out...

I know you dislike these terms.. but I'm going to use them anyway...* I am thinking "Edge" would be considered "Alpha"* *
and Safe and Secure is more "Beta"*.. and from the time I landed on this forum .. I have stated "Good Beta" is more of an appeal to me over some of the characteristics associated with Alpha ...which has more Risk, can't be contained.. a little danger... 

I know of a couple where he was a winning Race Car driver.. when he met his wife, he laid that lifestyle down before they married.. because he knew it was risky..she didn't ask, it was his decision -feeling that was the Best for raising a family.. I greatly respected his attitude in that... I thought "what a good man!"...

I've honed in on the "bodily harm thing" here & ran with it - due to Drerios example (the thrill of the wave despite shark invested waters)...which has very little to do with this.. so excuse me for that 

Those type of risks are the ones I personally worry about more than anything in this life..(emotional risks are on a smaller scale for me)...Kinda like sticks and stones can break my bones (and destroy my life..or HIS) but words will never hurt me.. 

I fear the sticks more than the words one might say. 

I think I have some sort of hang up here (??)... but I did marry a very safety conscious man and this gives me a great deal of peace...

Excuse me for running down this rabbit hole with this ... Continue on..


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## jld

Well, if that is alpha and beta, put me squarely in the beta camp.


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## Anon Pink

nuclearnightmare said:


> Our sports are edgy, agree? Some sports have no edge. Let's name some...I'll go first
> 
> Soccer


Soccer has edge!
Rugby has serious edge!
Water polo, mild edge. Only because the men who play water polo are BUILT!
Surfing has edge.
Springboard diving, edge!
Gymnastics has edge. Watching the men on the pommel, rings, horizontal bar... Mmmmmmmm yummy! Floor routines generally look silly though.

Sports for middle aged men...
Tennis has edge but only if he can beat me (back when I could play)
Biking
Equestrian sports
Fencing

Looking at this list it seems the sport needs to qualify as impact.

Golf, bleh...
Baseball, bleh...


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## Coffee Amore

Tough Mudder
Spartan Obstacle Course Race
Crossfit
Martial arts
Rock climbing (indoor or outdoor)
Hiking (it has edge at least for me)


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## Faithful Wife

Basketball. Not into it but like watching NBA players.


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## Thundarr

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am thinking "Edge" would be considered "Alpha"[/COLOR][/B] *
> and Safe and Secure is more "Beta"*.. and from the time I landed on this forum .. I have stated "Good Beta" is more of an appeal to me over some of the characteristics associated with Alpha ...which has more Risk, can't be contained.. a little danger...





jld said:


> Well, if that is alpha and beta, put me squarely in the beta camp.


Interesting. (goodbeta - edge) == (goodalpha - edge). I agree the good version of both are very similar so maybe that difference is "edge".

badbeta and badalpha are quite opposites though .


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## jld

Thundarr said:


> Interesting. (goodbeta - edge) == (goodalpha - edge). I agree the good version of both are very similar so maybe that difference is "edge".
> 
> badbeta and badalpha are quite opposites though .


At this point I'm not really caring what "edge" is. At this point I am just really hoping that everyone truly has a _ healthy_ relationship.


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## Ikaika

SimplyAmorous said:


> You're funny JLD.. isn't that the truth...it really doesn't matter - I say if your chemistry works ...it works !...regardless of how we define this thing called "EDGE"...
> 
> Like I can admit...as far as attraction, excitement ...my ultimate fantasy... like a Dopamine RUSH ..with EDGE...would be the epitome of a Rock musician.. yet the lifestyle HE lives, would yet be another turn off.. (*not cause he is surfing in shark infested waters this time & could die) but he's probably laid 2,000 women & that wouldn't be working for me either!!*


This would not describe me... I surfed where the best waves were not because of the possibility of being eaten by sharks but because they were the best waves to surf. That part, the possibility of being eaten or bitten by a shark, never thrilled me and in fact pretty much despised the Robinson family for these husbandry practices.

I only did what I did in my youth because it was enjoyable to me. I still only do the outdoor and other activities not because it creates some fictitious image of being alpha or some other dorky term one wants to use. Again, it is because I enjoy the adrenaline rush for me. I will admit, I am a bit of an adrenaline junky (reminds me that I am alive otherwise I am bored with myself) and hate to lose. It is not to create an edge for attraction to my wife but to just provide me with my own personal outlet in life. 

As I have stated in my LTSiM journal, my alternative to being a bit of an adrenaline junky is being an alcoholic. It is in my DNA and personality. I will admit it is not for everyone to deal with a person like me. We all have our personal likes and dislikes and it is great that there is somebody out there for someone like me. I know I am not the easy person to contend with and be married to to with my personal demons, but I make the effort to do for myself rather than have my wife try to change me. Thus 99% of making a better person is all on me, if that means at times I push some limits in exchange for not drinking she is happier for it. 

I see no judgment in those that crave their spouse have an edge in the same way I don't judge those that don't crave as such. We all have our likes and dislikes.


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## Coffee Amore

drerio said:


> I see no judgment in those that crave their spouse have an edge in the same way I don't judge those that don't crave as such. We all have our likes and dislikes.


Wise words..


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## SimplyAmorous

drerio said:


> This would not describe me... I surfed where the best waves were not because of the possibility of being eaten by sharks but because they were the best waves to surf. That part, the possibility of being eaten or bitten by a shark, never thrilled me and in fact pretty much despised the Robinson family for these husbandry practices.


 I am lost on the Robinson Family & Husbandry practices.. I shouldn't have used that the shark thing again.. sorry Drerio- not trying to assume any of this about you.. Please know that. 

It is good you can admit you are an Adeline junky though, and you're right, we all have something , don't we.. Believe me I wouldn't be easy to live with either! I can be demanding on certain things.. 



> I only did what I did in my youth because it was enjoyable to me. I still only do the outdoor and other activities not because it creates some fictitious image of being alpha or some other dorky term one wants to use. Again, it is because I enjoy the adrenaline rush for me. I will admit, I am a bit of an adrenaline junky (reminds me that I am alive otherwise I am bored with myself) *and hate to lose. * It is not to create an edge for attraction to my wife but to just provide me with my own personal outlet in life.


 this part would be Alpha , ya know.. the competitive spirit. that's naturally YOU. It's good!



> As I have stated in my LTSiM journal, my alternative to being a bit of an adrenaline junky is being an alcoholic. It is in my DNA and personality. I will admit it is not for everyone to deal with a person like me. We all have our personal likes and dislikes and it is great that there is somebody out there for someone like me. I know I am not the easy person to contend with and be married to to with my personal demons, but I make the effort to do for myself rather than have my wife try to change me. Thus 99% of making a better person is all on me, if that means at times I push some limits in exchange for not drinking she is happier for it.


 the not trying to change someone else is very BIG.. It won't work.. and it can be very hurtful too. 



> I see no judgment in those that crave their spouse have an edge in the same way I don't judge those that don't crave as such. We all have our likes and dislikes.


 I don't want to come off as Judgmental.. if I have in my postings here, I apologize for this..you're the last one I'd want to think I was putting down.. I think you have a very big Heart and I have been very touched by so many of your posting here, the love for your son...that's what's important in life.. right.. Family.


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## Lyris

intheory said:


> What a great person to look like.:smthumbup:
> 
> If I were to have an avatar of a famous person that I looked like it would be (a younger) Keith Richards.
> 
> And I'm female.:rofl:


Well I won't lie. I'm not as pretty 

I've decided, you know what doesn't have any edge at all anymore? This thread. Good lord people, way to just beat it into the ground.


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## southbound

Threetimesalady said:


> You don't swim with sharks to be attractive...You do it because you are young and fearless...When my husband was stationed in Corpus Christi and before I knew him, he and another buddy each took a raft and darn near went out to sea...They couldn't get back in with the current...It's the immature and wild side of you that still has not grown up...Maybe the same reason that kids take drugs...It's different...You got to be wilder and more free in life...So they are...Now I am truly gone...


I understand that I wouldn't do it to be attractive, but if I need that kind of daring nature to be attractive, I guess I'm out of the loop. Like I said, I suppose I am wired to be logical. It just never made sense to me to do dangerous stuff all in the name of fun. 

If I have to do it for a purpose, so be it, but just because, it doesn't compute.


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## committed4ever

Sports that have edge

American football
The female in pairs figure skating
Snowboard cross
Snowboard half-pipe
Downhill skiers
Ski jumpers
That ski event that looks like snowboard cross (or did I just imagine I saw a bunch of skiers on the slope at the same time during this year's Olympics?)

Oh, and JLD: I think any man with a French Accent is by default alpha. And edgy.


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## jld

committed4ever said:


> Oh, and JLD: I think any man with a French Accent is by default alpha. And edgy.


Giggle, giggle. I think I learned from this thread I don't need edgy alpha. Some of what I read worried me, quite frankly. 

Playful and unconditionally loving are what I need. Go, beta! :smthumbup:


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## Lyris

My guy is definitely alpha as sh*t. Rawr.


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## RandomDude

Lyris said:


> And here's a recent example. He came into the kitchen to say good morning. I said, playfully, do you love me? He said "No" and snogged me. Then he smacked my ass and left.
> 
> Rawr


Then how come I got flamed on this forum in the past when my ex told me "I love you" and I replied "I love me too" lol ?

:scratchhead:


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## Lyris

Maybe because this forum isn't made up of me and my clone army


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## RandomDude

Never around when you need them are they? Bah!


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## Omego

Lyris said:


> Well I won't lie. I'm not as pretty
> 
> I've decided, you know what doesn't have any edge at all anymore? This thread. Good lord people, way to just beat it into the ground.


:rofl::rofl:


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## Omego

committed4ever said:


> Sports that have edge
> 
> American football
> The female in pairs figure skating
> Snowboard cross
> Snowboard half-pipe
> Downhill skiers
> Ski jumpers
> That ski event that looks like snowboard cross (or did I just imagine I saw a bunch of skiers on the slope at the same time during this year's Olympics?)
> 
> Oh, and JLD: I think any man with a French Accent is by default alpha. And edgy.


What about swimmers and triathlon guys? Ah, and Ice Hockey!


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## nuclearnightmare

Omego said:


> What about swimmers and triathlon guys? Ah, and Ice Hockey!


don't think so on Triathalon. But if was allowed to redesign the Iron Man race I could make it edgy. Same 3 events but the 2 mile ocean swim comes last.......


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## Ikaika

nuclearnightmare said:


> don't think so on Triathalon. But if was allowed to redesign the Iron Man race I could make it edgy. Same 3 events *but the 2 mile ocean swim comes last......*.


While race official were chumming the waters


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## Coffee Amore

nuclearnightmare said:


> don't think so on Triathalon. But if was allowed to redesign the Iron Man race I could make it edgy. Same 3 events but the 2 mile ocean swim comes last.......


Out of curiosity, why have the swimming last?

One of my colleagues does the Iron Man regularly and finishes in the top 50. He also spends most of his time training for it. It's a grueling schedule that he sticks to.


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## Racer

Edge fades… I often feel I live too much off the memories of the distant past when I was young and lacked a certain outlook of mortality. So, a body of scars with stories behind them…. At least I have those stories. So many just don’t. I’d like to believe I’ve got older man edge, but fear I'm "that guy" who tells stories of his glory years some decades ago and is rather lame.... 

It’s something I have noticed though. To my wife, whom has been with me 20+ years. Those stories just don’t carry value anymore. Yet, if you can get me talking to some stranger…. Can’t really explain. But someone I remember posted something about their near death experiences and I sort of thought they were reaching toward ‘got really scared and might have died’ and if I were to do that thing it’d be a book. 

That’s the think about that ‘risk taker’ edge guy; They radiate immortality and a lack of fear. You don’t think about that. So young racer on ski’s would see a cliff and figure out ‘how fast’ to avoid the sharp pointy rocks below it and where I’d want to land. It didn’t occur to me that I shouldn’t, nor was it done to post on facebook for a 'look at me' ego stroke. I lived for that rush alone. Several years of my life like that exploring the edge of ‘possible’ and not really needing to justify ‘why’ when ‘why not’ led to so many more adventures…


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## Lyris

Ok it's not really about physical stuff. It's emotional and psychological. Very little to do with ocean shark swimming or triathlons iron man or otherwise. Nothing to do with physical risk taking at all.


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## DvlsAdvc8

^ attitude.

The physical stuff just tends to go along with it often.


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## Coffee Amore

My husband doesn't swim in shark infested waters and he's never gone off a cliff. I would say his edge is more in his banter, his verbal playfulness and repartee. He's not a jock. He's fit, but no one would think he was some pro-athlete who does snowboarding or skydiving. I think men can have edge even in their later years. It's all in how they talk and relate to their significant other.


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## Faithful Wife

I dunno, I thought my list on post #30 was good and wasn't about physical stuff. (shrug)

I mean, Lyris if you just mean the ass smack stuff...then yeah, I understand that, too. Basically, my H isn't "affected" by my feminine wares...he takes what he wants (gropes me, shoves his hand up my shirt, grabs my pony tail, etc) when he wants, which leaves me "affected" by him. If that's all you mean, I could write a list like that, too. 

But the list I did write is the "why" behind my H's behavior, including the sex stuff.


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## Lyris

I like things simple, FW. Edge is a feeling of slight danger and insecurity. Unpredictability and refusal to do what's expected/wanted just to keep the peace.

A feeling that you are being held to high standards and that anything less than the best isn't worth the other person's time. That their love is not unconditional, although their commitment might be. 

Your list was good, but too all encompassing. It felt more like all the good things being put under the same label.

Clearly this is a very important question and I am going to go away and write the definitive definition, any deviations from which will be dealt with by the police.


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## Racer

When you are writing it up, just keep in mind one person’s husband with “edge” is another’s “man child”…. 

For me, the edgy guys it's an attitude. They don't play the 'safe' game. They take risk. And, it's often for just a personal reason of "it humored me to do so"... For me, that crossed over into physical stuff. See a cliff, experience flying.. "Why not?" See female bits, grope them, and do a full perv and Mary Catherine Gallagher (sniff my fingers)… “Why not?” There's sort of a lack of that strong voice to talk us out of stuff and embrace the illogical as 'fun’ sometimes. Still safe though… I wouldn’t pull that bits thing on a stranger even if it humors me to do so at the thought and wondering what the reaction would be….


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## Thundarr

Racer said:


> Edge fades…


I barely have a temper anymore and my fuse used to be really short. Not much to argue about or get angry over really. I don't have to handle drunk belligerents anymore because we haven't clubbed in forever. No parenting style conflicts or grown kids to keep in their place because they're grown and moved out. Pass a few sh!t tests early on and they go away. My wife is good to me so what's to get upset about? Maybe if she becomes discontent then she'll stop being nice and my long lost temper will return .


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## nuclearnightmare

Coffee Amore said:


> Out of curiosity, why have the swimming last?
> 
> One of my colleagues does the Iron Man regularly and finishes in the top 50. He also spends most of his time training for it. It's a grueling schedule that he sticks to.


Just thinking the consequences of over- exhaustion and cramping more dire if one is in 50-100ft of water than if running or on a bike.
My dark sense of humor.


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## Coffee Amore

nuclearnightmare said:


> Just thinking the consequences of over- exhaustion and cramping more dire if one is in 50-100ft of water than if running or on a bike.
> My dark sense of humor.




But it would also be refreshing and a nice cool-down after all that running and biking.


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## ScarletBegonias

Coffee Amore said:


> My husband doesn't swim in shark infested waters and he's never gone off a cliff. I would say his edge is more in his banter, his verbal playfulness and repartee. He's not a jock. He's fit, but no one would think he was some pro-athlete who does snowboarding or skydiving. I think men can have edge even in their later years. It's all in how they talk and relate to their significant other.


That's DH He's not edgy as far as being a danger wh*re but his replies catch me off guard a lot and he's very quick.sharp


----------

