# Help understanding stbxws antics.



## Too Little Too Late? (Sep 2, 2012)

I have another thread on sep/div but wanted to get to insight here. I have 3 children with my stbxw. She has a posoM and seems to be in a very selfish place. My 12 yr old D has been asking to have a mom/daughter night for weeks but there is always some excuse. picking up shifts for work etc. this week it came to a head in that my d thought she was going to be able to do it No work for stbxw thurs or fri. made no effort thurs and then when asked about friday stbxw said she was going to a movie by herself. D just said ok but you could hear the disappointment in her voice. d texted her about being upset fri with no response. when confronted by d on sat she 1st said she didn't go to a movie then said she did. told d she needed to be more upfront about her feelings she said..it doesn't work all she does is get mad at me....and she lies to me about stuff and I have no idea why. told her I understood about both issues and that I was sorry. is this what happens when people are in a posom fog?...sucks. I feel so bad for my D. she loves her mom so much. was even willing to defend her saying its ok for mom to want to have a night with posOM.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Booze is liquid courage but also clouds judgement. Impulse decisions to benefit now and worry over damage aftermath later. Teenagers do it all the time. She is not a teen. Here is a table, have a seat. What do you need? What do you want? Be able to seperate the two. You suffer, I suffer, kids suffer most. IMO, throw your cards out, won't hurt. But never back down. I was a quadriplegic at one time. Said to have mental state of 10-12 y/o, lucky to walk with cane. I won my first 5k race two years later and am working on Ph.D. Don't ever back down. I don't. Yeah it breaks my heart what I had to do in my case and I let her see me sling snot on time. Just to show, I do care. But that benefit will not be allowed any longer. Sometimes forcing the hand is the only way to see the true hand.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

She doesn't want to confront the hurt that she caused by finding someone else, despite the fact that your daughter seems to be OK with her.


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## Too Little Too Late? (Sep 2, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> She doesn't want to confront the hurt that she caused by finding someone else, despite the fact that your daughter seems to be OK with her.


you mind elaborating? she has a habit of lying/ embellishing things. seems to me that she is just being selfish. who doesn't find time to be with their d and then lies about it? doesn't matter i guess. just have to get used to it and be a much of a support to my d as I can.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

She doesn't want to spend time with your daughter because she (STBX) knows what she did was wrong and doesn't want to address some tough questions your daughter may have.

So, she says she's busy, says she's going to the movies, etc... just to avoid spending the mother/daughter night together.

Yes, it's selfish. She should be the parent and see her daughter and if tough questions come out of their night, so be it.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

TLTL-If you want, send me your # or I can send mine. Either way is fine.....I read your piece but I would like to know how you see it with hindsight. Be glad to help......one day, I'll probably ask you.


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