# Hornets was kicked today



## MindGamesNoMore

Hello all,

Have been lurking here for a few months now and finally came to a point where I need help and advice.

Wife is cheating and has been for awhile. We got into many fights when I brought up something being off. 

She denies, tells me I'm crazy, she would never do that and so forth.

Well took some advice and went out and got some VAC's..

I now have some evidence but there is to much background noise to be clearly without the mistake of a doubt what is going on. 

Also I need help pronto. I downloaded Audacity but my skills in this software are lacking... Greatly.

Little bit of a time line. I'm a veteran who has been diagnosed with ptsd.

When I confronted my wife this morning she did her same old routine. 

Until I started dropping vague details and told her I had hired a P.I.. 

Her reaction changed!

I saw it in her eyes then her face for a split second...

Fear?
Surprised?
Confused?

Not sure which one but she recovered fast!

She starts telling me she is going to call the VA mental health crisis line and report my ass. That all this affair mumbo jumbo is made up in my head... 

Folks my gut has never.... I mean never been wrong.... 

I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt time and time again until I came across this forum...

For the record we are already separated and still in contact.

I do not go to her... she always comes to me. 

Shes been telling me how she wants me to go on meds and get help..

Can someone help prove that I am sane normal person.

I might need to play these tapes for a medical professional so no matter how painful it will be to hear I need to be able to prove this woman is a compulsive liar.

We do not have kids and I left her with the house and car. Currently sleeping in my truck till I find a place...

Thank you for reading.

This is not a time for sympathy but a time for action!


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## MattMatt

See the VA Doctor yourself and lawyer up and get a protection order against your wife.


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## StarFires

I'm not all that experienced with audacity either, so not certain of how much I can help. Under the Effects menu, you can try to use the Noise Reduction filter to remove the background noise. I only did this once before with very marginal results. It was only the background hiss of a recording that I was trying to get rid of and, initially, the amount the hiss was reduced wasn't nearly enough. So, I tried removing more of it, but that began removing portions of the recorded material and what was left was too poor quality to keep, so I just undid everything. You might still try it though.

I don't see where you need or would be granted an order of protection, but I would think that only your mental health professional can help you prove you are a sane and normal person, so consult with him and have him listen to the tapes. Other than that, sounds like you need an attorney.

I do have to wonder why you're trying to prove this and to whom. If you want her to know you are aware of her affair and that she's lying, then play the tapes to her. Make a copy first so you always have the original in your possession. 

I'm not sure I understand what action it is you want to take or how much an affair matters in divorce proceedings. Only an attorney in your area can tell you. I'm not sure it matters at all but lawyers know better than I do.


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## sokillme

MindGamesNoMore said:


> Hello all,
> 
> Have been lurking here for a few months now and finally came to a point where I need help and advice.
> 
> Wife is cheating and has been for awhile. We got into many fights when I brought up something being off.
> 
> She denies, tells me I'm crazy, she would never do that and so forth.
> 
> Well took some advice and went out and got some VAC's..
> 
> I now have some evidence but there is to much background noise to be clearly without the mistake of a doubt what is going on.
> 
> Also I need help pronto. I downloaded Audacity but my skills in this software are lacking... Greatly.
> 
> Little bit of a time line. I'm a veteran who has been diagnosed with ptsd.
> 
> When I confronted my wife this morning she did her same old routine.
> 
> Until I started dropping vague details and told her I had hired a P.I..
> 
> Her reaction changed!
> 
> I saw it in her eyes then her face for a split second...
> 
> Fear?
> Surprised?
> Confused?
> 
> Not sure which one but she recovered fast!
> 
> She starts telling me she is going to call the VA mental health crisis line and report my ass. That all this affair mumbo jumbo is made up in my head...
> 
> Folks my gut has never.... I mean never been wrong....
> 
> I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt time and time again until I came across this forum...
> 
> For the record we are already separated and still in contact.
> 
> I do not go to her... she always comes to me.
> 
> Shes been telling me how she wants me to go on meds and get help..
> 
> Can someone help prove that I am sane normal person.
> 
> I might need to play these tapes for a medical professional so no matter how painful it will be to hear I need to be able to prove this woman is a compulsive liar.
> 
> We do not have kids and I left her with the house and car. Currently sleeping in my truck till I find a place...
> 
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> This is not a time for sympathy but a time for action!


How about you preemptively go to a local VA and tell them what is going on and what you think your wife is going to do. Volunteer to talk to a psychologist or counselor. That way if she accuses you you can tell the police or whoever to call this doctor so they can speak in your defense. And go speak to a lawyer.


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## Blondilocks

What can the VA medical crisis team do if she does call? It's unlikely they're going to track you down and slap you in a padded cell.


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## Spicy

Why not just file for divorce?


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## Lila

MindGamesNoMore said:


> *For the record we are already separated and still in contact.*
> 
> I do not go to her... she always comes to me.
> 
> 
> We do not have kids and I left her with the house and car. Currently sleeping in my truck till I find a place...


Can you elaborate on the bolded statement? 

How long have you been separated? 

If it was a while ago, what was the reason for the separation? 

Have either of you filed for divorce?


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## SunCMars

Now....

You know you are sane, and that you have PTSD.

We do not know you, we do not know if you are 'not' being delusional.

Your word is that, your words.

You need to prove it to yourself, then prove it to us.

At this point in time, I do not support your accusation concerning your wife.
You have words on a flash device, with unclear words, unclear intent.

I do see an effort by your wife for you to get better, to get sane, or saner.

Prove me (us) wrong with facts, please.

If you have other 'evidence' lay it out here, please.

Words are words, can be facts, can be anxious speculation.

Thanks.





[THM]- SCM






[THM]- THRD


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## Wolfman1968

MindGamesNoMore said:


> Hello all,
> 
> Have been lurking here for a few months now and finally came to a point where I need help and advice.
> 
> Wife is cheating and has been for awhile. We got into many fights when I brought up something being off.
> 
> She denies, tells me I'm crazy, she would never do that and so forth.
> 
> Well took some advice and went out and got some VAC's..
> 
> I now have some evidence but there is to much background noise to be clearly without the mistake of a doubt what is going on.
> 
> Also I need help pronto. I downloaded Audacity but my skills in this software are lacking... Greatly.
> 
> Little bit of a time line. I'm a veteran who has been diagnosed with ptsd.
> 
> When I confronted my wife this morning she did her same old routine.
> 
> Until I started dropping vague details and told her I had hired a P.I..
> 
> Her reaction changed!
> 
> I saw it in her eyes then her face for a split second...
> 
> Fear?
> Surprised?
> Confused?
> 
> Not sure which one but she recovered fast!
> 
> She starts telling me she is going to call the VA mental health crisis line and report my ass. That all this affair mumbo jumbo is made up in my head...
> 
> Folks my gut has never.... I mean never been wrong....
> 
> I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt time and time again until I came across this forum...
> 
> For the record we are already separated and still in contact.
> 
> I do not go to her... she always comes to me.
> 
> Shes been telling me how she wants me to go on meds and get help..
> 
> Can someone help prove that I am sane normal person.
> 
> I might need to play these tapes for a medical professional so no matter how painful it will be to hear I need to be able to prove this woman is a compulsive liar.
> 
> We do not have kids and I left her with the house and car. Currently sleeping in my truck till I find a place...
> 
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> This is not a time for sympathy but a time for action!


First of all---what is it that YOU want?

Do you want to try to reconcile?
Is the affair a deal-breaker for you with no plan for reconciliation?

That's the first step. You need to decide what your end game is. It affects your next moves.

If there is no coming back from cheating in your mind, then just go ahead and file for divorce. If you are committed to the end of the relationship, then the effort to gain more evidence probably will not be worth it. The two exceptions I can think of off the top of my head would be if you live in a state in which infidelity affects alimony, etc., or if you have some PRACTICAL reason to control the narrative for the divorce with family and friends (e.g., preventing estrangement, etc. ) If there is no tangible benefit to collecting more evidence, then it's probably not worth the effort. It may make you FEEL better, but it's probably "throwing good money after bad."

On the other hand, if there really IS a reason to collect more evidence (one of the exceptions mentioned above, or you want to try to reconcile), then I would caution you about confronting BEFORE you collect the evidence. You may have already tipped your hand. It will be much harder collecting the evidence going forward if she knows you are suspicious---she'll be extra careful.

I suggest looking up "Weightlifter's Evidence Post" in this forum.


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## Decorum

Wolfman1968 said:


> I suggest looking up "Weightlifter's Evidence Post" in this forum.


Here it is,
https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html

Don't take your marching orders from a disloyal, lying, cheating spouse. 

You realize how ridiculous that is right?

Time to be your own person. You are the only person who has to be ok with your life choices.


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## MindGamesNoMore

I'm not trying to prove anything to you. I'm asking for help with clearing up a audio recording.


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## MattMatt

MindGamesNoMore said:


> I'm not trying to prove anything to you. I'm asking for help with clearing up a audio recording.


Are you certain that she is cheating on you?

I am recalling an incident on a British TV programme, the Jeremy Kyle Show.

A man was convinced that his wife was cheating on him. He had an audio recording of it.

The problem was that there really was NOTHING on the recording but his wife's breathing.

They were able to identify that the situation was caused by his Cannabis paranoia, resulting from his over use of cannabis.

OP, do you self medicate with cannabis?


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## MindGamesNoMore

MattMatt said:


> See the VA Doctor yourself and lawyer up and get a protection order against your wife.


Going to VA tomorrow to do this. Have started keeping a record of all contact with her. I figured out she has been gaslighting me for about 3 years folks.... I really think she wanted me to commit suicide. I came really close to doing it early this year. She literally had me feeling like I was crazy. Not sure if this was all her idea or the guys shes ****ing. Yes guys, plural. I have her on audio with multiple males. I'm looking to lawyer up and get far far away from this chick. We did a couples counseling session before where the doc sided with me and asked my wife if she had ever heard of BPD. My wife brushed it off as the doc was incompetent. I asked her to pick another doc that never happened. Maybe she thought I said pick another ****.... ?


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## MindGamesNoMore

Spicy said:


> Why not just file for divorce?


In the process. But I've been getting gas lighted for three years. This woman is not stable. Have gone to no contact and documenting all communications. I'm so over it but do feel sane. Will see what resources I can get from VA.


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## MindGamesNoMore

SunCMars said:


> Now....
> 
> You know you are sane, and that you have PTSD.
> 
> We do not know you, we do not know if you are 'not' being delusional.
> 
> Your word is that, your words.
> 
> You need to prove it to yourself, then prove it to us.
> 
> At this point in time, I do not support your accusation concerning your wife.
> You have words on a flash device, with unclear words, unclear intent.
> 
> I do see an effort by your wife for you to get better, to get sane, or saner.
> 
> Prove me (us) wrong with facts, please.
> 
> If you have other 'evidence' lay it out here, please.
> 
> Words are words, can be facts, can be anxious speculation.
> 
> Thanks.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> [THM]- SCM
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> [THM]- THRD



I'm looking at your response and then looking at my original question. I'm same. Are you?


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## jlg07

Did you ever get Audacity to work? For the Noise reduction, you need to select a section of the track that HAS the background noise (NOT the speaking).
I uses that as a template to remove from the rest of the track.

Did you ever get more recordings or any other sort of verification she is cheating?
What about getting a PI to look into it?


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