# Not quite sure what to do......



## Frenetik1911 (Mar 16, 2014)

I could use some advice.

I'm 36 and have been married for a little under a year now, but we've been together for almost 5 years. For quite some time now, I get the feeling she's been unhappy. She works, a lot, so I fully understand that she is exhausted and has that on her shoulders as well. But, along with her work hours, she wants more "space". Now don't get me wrong, I want her to have space, as much as I can give her, but it's not that simple. I have no vehicle, so getting about town is hard, and there really isn't much to do. I have few friends here, maybe 2, and they're not always up for going out to do stuff. Not only that, but I am also a full time (distance) student so I need to study, constantly. And I am a few months away from graduating.

I hardly see her, so when she comes home and flat asks me when I'm leaving, it's a little confusing. I mean does she not want to see me at all? Again, I want her to have space and understand her concerns, but how much is enough? I mean we haven't been intimate in almost a year.....we haven't even consumated our marriage yet!!!!

On top of that, she is having problems with anger and frustration over family issues and work issues, and all of these things I understand as well, and I will not blame her because of her feelings. It wouldn't be fair to her. But what the hell am I going to do? She's withdrawn from me, yet I always hear her laughing and carrying on with her friends on the phone, and when comes back from the conversation it's "shut down" again. It's not a nice feeling at all, it's almost as if my presence pulls her down!

I also just don't feel welcome in our apartment any more. I find myself almost nervous when she comes home. I've had an interview for a part-time job last week (there's little to no work in town here) so hopefully that will help. But I have also been feeling lately that things just aren't working, and even if she was to get counseling (which she says she will try), I am not sure if I can help close the "gap" which has opened. Soon I will hopefully be recruited into my career and might be posted somewhere else, and I find the thought to be somewhat.....well.....good. If I do, I know she will refuse to move and I will have to make the decision as to whether or not I should just move on or stay and try to repair something which may not be repairable.

I don't feel wanted, valued, respected, or even REMOTELY desired emotionally or physically. I can feel the "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" sensation and it's friggen horrid. I do love her and I want the best for her, but that's exactly the feelings I get these days. Anyone ever been through something like this?


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

If she's asking for space, that's a very bad sign. The first thing I would do is find out if she is cheating. Check her phone, email, text messages, Facebook, and VAR her car.


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## Frenetik1911 (Mar 16, 2014)

I've been thinking about that too. Awhile back I would have never thought it was possible from her, but the thought's been creeping in there lately. Even last night, she said she would pay for some dinner (And no, I'm not a bum, I have money). I asked if she had a 5 and said it was in her purse, which normally means "just grab my wallet". I reached for her purse and she grabbed it up like I was trying to take away her first born! She has never done that before and it was strange.

I'm normally not paranoid and I give her the benefit of the doubt at all times, but the cheating thing has certainly crossed my mind. But I mean I'm not overweight, I work out regularly, I don't THINK I'm ugly as sin since women do seem to "flirt" with me quite a bit (that's coming from her and other people I'm with at the time, I'm a complete idiot when it comes to noticing it myself). So what the hell could it be? Is just tired of me or bored? GAH!!!!!!


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

Good quality men and women get cheated on all the time. It really isn't about you, it's about her. And if she is asking for space and acting this way, the overwhelming likelihood is that she is cheating or thinking about doing so.


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