# How to stop thinking about revenge?



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Some days I just want to give H a taste of his own medicine..for him to experience what he did to me.

I want to find one of these websites where you go on looking for affairs, etc. not to actually have a physical one but just to start emailing some guy and let H know about it so he can feel the pain he has caused me...so he can wonder what I am texting/emailing to someone.

I honestly think that the WS can only appreciate what they have done unless they experience it themselves...

I know it is not the right thing to do but sometimes it is so tempting...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

highwood said:


> Some days I just want to give H a taste of his own medicine..for him to experience what he did to me.
> 
> I want to find one of these websites where you go on looking for affairs, etc. not to actually have a physical one but just to start emailing some guy and let H know about it so he can feel the pain he has caused me...so he can wonder what I am texting/emailing to someone.
> 
> ...


_*Don't. Please don't*_. You see, that's what I did after my wife's affair.

I hurt my wife, the OW and myself. In fact, my betrayal of who I am was far, far worse than my wife's affair, to my mind, in the negative impact it had on me.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I guess I don't think of revenge affairs as much of a revenge. What, expose myself to STDs, get emotionally embroiled with some random guy, hurt my kids and my relatives and friends and people who respect me, not to mention myself? Too much drama.

I guess--and I know this is going to hurt like hell to hear me say this but I'm going to say it anyway--I love my husband too much to exact revenge on him for his affair. If he, or anyone else in my life, is such a Loser that they are that abusive, I'm going to walk away from that person and leave them be. If it came to the point of wanting revenge, I would divest myself emotionally because I'm putting too much anger and energy into someone who clearly does not deserve that at all.

Life is just too short and I have a million better things to do with my time!


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Revenge affairs, whether they be PA or EA will not leave you feeling any better and in most cases, will make you feel worse in the end. 

However, it's completely normal to have those types of feelings....sooo...vent away!


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

Think about it but don't do it.

I still think about it.

Heck, I'm still friends on FB with the young 20-something year old man with the toned abs that told me he loved older women and I could call him anytime. But I have boundaries.

And cheap sex or a little flirting with a hot guy is not going to erase what my H did and truly that's really what I want to be able to do.

But I reserve the right to think about it for at least a little longer.

Vent away.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Very normal. Those that have gone this route, for the most part, seem to regret it, for reasons like Matt's.

has your h made any form of restitution? I'm not talking about doing what he already committed to when he took vows. How about he compensate you, in some moral fashion, for the injury he inflicted. Free spas days for life? A Harley? You never do dishes again? Something?


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

Big Liam has a good point. Do you have a list of things you required from him?

I have a list that I recently gave my H which includes a letter of apology that I could refer to at anytime when I trigger. I also asked for a symbol of his commitment to the M (which he's still working on). And a few other things...

It's a start.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Zanna said:


> Big Liam has a good point. Do you have a list of things you required from him?
> 
> I have a list that I recently gave my H which includes a letter of apology that I could refer to at anytime when I trigger. I also asked for a symbol of his commitment to the M (which he's still working on). And a few other things...
> 
> It's a start.


some folks seem to consider requiring restitution petty. but, it is huge in the Jewish concept of forgiveness. it is a tangible sign of remorse ,and, also serves to alleviate some of the guilt the perpetrator retains. Very wise the Jews.
My good friend says he wants "chuvah" (sp?) from his cheating , Jewish wife. He is a Mensch.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

I'm not Jewish but a list of caring behaviours or gifts seems like a reasonable request. It's like atonement for one's wrong doings. It gives the betrayed some control back and some choices in what they need to heal. My H said it's the least he can do besides being an even better H and father than he was before.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Ive never really thought about getting revenge on H. But i daydream about what i would like to do to the OW. I am so angry with her, esp as she has just gone back to her old life as if nothing has happened. I cant believe her H had her back and it drives me crazy!!


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Zanna said:


> Big Liam has a good point. Do you have a list of things you required from him?
> 
> I have a list that I recently gave my H which includes a letter of apology that I could refer to at anytime when I trigger. I also asked for a symbol of his commitment to the M (which he's still working on). And a few other things...
> 
> It's a start.


I really like this idea! Maybe this could help with what i am experiencing at the moment! :smthumbup:


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I've had a letter of apology in my purse for over a year now. I rarely have to take it out any more, but it's been a lifesaver for me many times. I seriously recommend this.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Ive never really thought about getting revenge on H. But i daydream about what i would like to do to the OW. I am so angry with her, esp as she has just gone back to her old life as if nothing has happened. I cant believe her H had her back and it drives me crazy!!



Yes, I am more interested in fantasizing about getting revenge on the OW than my H. Hurting my H hurts my children.

Hurting that silly skank...well, that would be nice. :lol:

But she has to live with herself and I'm sure she feels like a fool after her antics prior to D-day and after so I have to be content with that...


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Zanna said:


> Yes, I am more interested in fantasizing about getting revenge on the OW than my H. Hurting my H hurts my children.
> 
> Hurting that silly skank...well, that would be nice. :lol:
> 
> But she has to live with herself and I'm sure she feels like a fool after her antics prior to D-day and after so I have to be content with that...


Hs ex OW turned into a nut job too after he dumped her. She did some really crazy SHet which makes me giggle when i think about it. I take some satisfaction in knowing that he broke her heart too!! Is that bad of me  Oh well!!


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Hs ex OW turned into a nut job too after he dumped her. She did some really crazy SHet which makes me giggle when i think about it. I take some satisfaction in knowing that he broke her heart too!! Is that bad of me  Oh well!!


Got to love the bunny boiler types.

Among other things, Ex-OW called our home over and over the day after D-day. Every few minutes. She was freaking out and saying it was all a show for me even though he had been trying to dump her for weeks and she was threatening to expose. Then she started texting, "Please! I won't survive!" Little did she know, I saw the phone records and knew she had been calling him constantly in the days before because she was begging and threatening him after he refused to move out of our home. It was ridiculous. Calls every minute or so for hours.


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

I completely understand this and have thought about it often myself. my problem is that i am just too picky to have just anyone for a sex fling, and once i do find someone i would be interested in, i know i would give my heart away so i am very very careful on who i have sex with. which brings us to no-one right now because i am still married and cant give my heart to anyone. but mine hurts me everyday by his lack of attention and caring. (and my wondering if he is cheating on me)

kind of a vicious circle. 

i think it is less of a "sexual get even" thing with me but more of an "i want to hurt my husband as badly as he has hurt me" thing. and if handled correctly, the children are none the wiser, but logically and apparently it is way more harder said then done. most of the times i just have fantasies on what i would love to do and keep it to myself. not saying that if i ever get the chance i wouldnt but logic keeps me from at least jumping into it.

good luck to you.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Ten minutes of ring a ding ding and a lifetime of regrets to follow

totally not worth it IMO think about the kids at least you can one day look into their eyes and proudly say that you stayed true to yourself


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## nxs450 (Apr 17, 2012)

highwood said:


> Some days I just want to give H a taste of his own medicine..for him to experience what he did to me.
> 
> I want to find one of these websites where you go on looking for affairs, etc. not to actually have a physical one but just to start emailing some guy and let H know about it so he can feel the pain he has caused me...so he can wonder what I am texting/emailing to someone.
> 
> ...


I know the feeling. Even though I got a HJ by a dancer in Vegas 4 months before I found out about my wifes affair I don't feel like it was the same. I know it is still cheating but there are a lot of differences, like I only new her for 30 minutes, no emotional conection, ect. It doesn't seam to bother her to much either. 
When it happened I was drunk and I remember feeling guilty and I didn't enjoy it or get off. I wasn't even horny feeling. It was like I did it because it seemed like one of those things that I needed to experiance at the time, like a mans right of passage or something? Or maybe I just needed the attention. I don't know. I wasn't in the right frame of mind either. Me and the wife hadn't been close for quite a while. 
So since then I have been dealing with all the emotions, mind movies, thinking if he was bigger better, ect. and sometimes I feel like I want to find someone like she did, sext her for months, talk on phone, phone sex, making out, ect, everything she did, and then finally having intercourse, and then let her find out about it.
Then she can experiance everything I am feeling. I know I won't do it but it sure feels strong at times.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

I go in cycles thinking of revenge...I have even told WH that I wanted to out OW to her longtime boyfriend - I don't think he really has a clue. At first he was very against it saying that she was crazy and it could cause more problems and keep her in our lives - this was true, but I felt like he was (still do) defending her then and was still in the fog, but trying to get out. Upon last DD (3.5 months ago), he said that he would help me expose her if that is what I needed to do...of course, I did not go through with it, and I sometimes - like today- wish that I did or would. 

I am in R, but I am still very angry w/WH. He is showing remorse, transparency, etc, but it does not make the pain go away. To cause him additional pain would be counterproductive I think to R and would only have an effect on our children....so how do I get this anger gone?

I would never revenge cheat - I would never cheat - don't have it in me and could not live with myself. However, I am human and just want to get a good right hook in every now and then.

I have a letter typed up and ready to send her in case she ever makes contact again, but I just thought of something else this morning...

Back when husband first told her that he was not leaving his family, she emailed and called and said that she had hundreds of pages of texts and emails that she could send me...I never responded. What I am thinking now - what if I emailed her and said, "You know what, if you still have all of the "evidence", I would like to see it". Then if she responds, I have an email trail and lots of damaging evidence from her that I can use to forward to her BF....if she mails it, I have a mail trail from her (another state) that I can use to forward to her BF. She may not respond.

She may send something to my husband's work to tell him I contacted her (that is the only way she can get in touch with him now - phone and emails all changed). If he keeps his promise, he will not open it, rather bring it home and we send back "Return to Sender, Address Unknown" together....that was part of my demands.

Your thoughts?


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

anonymouskitty said:


> Ten minutes of ring a ding ding and a lifetime of regrets to follow
> 
> totally not worth it IMO think about the kids at least you can one day look into their eyes and proudly say that you stayed true to yourself


You go!!! You are so right in your thinking!!! You have a healthy attitude!


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

highwood said:


> Some days I just want to give H a taste of his own medicine..for him to experience what he did to me.
> 
> I know it is not the right thing to do but sometimes it is so tempting...


Highwood:

Your feelings are a normal reaction to a betrayal. 

I agree with those who said it will hurt you more than him. 

It is not in my nature to cheat. The thought disgusts me, and although I fantasized about having a revenge affair, I knew I wouldn't do that. 

I wouldn't want to hurt the person who I would be using for a revenge affair.

Also, the constant anxiety and low level anger is one of the reasons I have filed for divorce. 

I don't want to live that way. After our false reconciliation, I was being triggered constantly, and STBEH was not understanding. He would twist the knife further. 

So, I figured he wanted out. I love him enough to let him go and in doing so, I will end up happier I am sure because I need to love myself too.

I read that many people who divorce a cheater, end up being happier in the end. 

I have actually met people who divorced a cheater and tell me this, that their new spouse is so much better than the cheater spouse. 

Living a life a distrust, doubt and insecurity is not a healthy way to live. I was actually feeling sickish all the time. 

I also read than many times a faithful spouse will become seriously ill after their spouses affair. 

IMO, it's all the doubt, distrust and suspicion that causes the illness.

Also, obviously by reading these boards we can see that there are a lot of people who have been faithful, even thought the marriage has rough spots. 

One counselor told my STBEH, that I had more reasons to cheat on him than he on me, yet I didn't do it.

I now realize that the counselor was right. My STBEH is a selfish self absorbed person, and I was always making concessions for him.


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Ive never really thought about getting revenge on H. But i daydream about what i would like to do to the OW. I am so angry with her, esp as she has just gone back to her old life as if nothing has happened. I cant believe her H had her back and it drives me crazy!!


I can see how you feel. But surely since you are hurting terribly so, you also have a conscience. Don't tamper with your mind. It... the act of revenge will put you into the rings of hell. You do not deserve that, you are better than that. I hear a many people here come face to face with the OW/OM. May GOD help the OM if I ever see him, let alone find out his idenity. I ask myself if his wife knows he can't keep his c*** in his pants. I wonder if the OM has children and how they would live fatherless. I give so much credit to the folks here who open up and tell these horrible tales. Sad part being... they are not tales, but truths! 

Revenge is for someone else, my friend. Your children will admire you and live as you... honestly and decent. This is all about respect. Let's respect our spouses, and above all... Respect Ourselves!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

In my case, I don't want revenge. My H lied to me for months on end about porn / porn addiction; and what could I possibly do to 'revenge' him for that? I just wish sometimes, that he could feel the way I feel for just one minute. I don't want to do something to hurt him. I want him to hurt the way I hurt.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> In my case, I don't want revenge. My H lied to me for months on end about porn / porn addiction; and what could I possibly do to 'revenge' him for that? I just wish sometimes, that he could feel the way I feel for just one minute. I don't want to do something to hurt him. I want him to hurt the way I hurt.


I feel the same. 

I don't however think that no matter what you do they will be as hurt as we are. 

Why?

Because they can understand why we hurt them. We would be hurting them because they hurt us first. 

Our pain is greater however because we were blindsided. 

I adored my husband. I never suspected he was a cheater and a person who frequented stripper bars.

I can't even trust myself now because I can't believe I was so blind to STBEH true personality.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Anyways, why lower yourself, Highwood? Maybe the best revenge is to just let him see that you are better than he is, for not behaving that way...ever.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

It won't be revenge on him. It will be dishonoring yourself. Don't do it.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

tough one ..... me personally I would have a revenge affair which would probly turn into a exit affair.

I'd like to sample some strange also and I would have a hard time getting past all the comparision going on in my head ....was he better than me was he bigger etc,etc.

and I'm sure I'd have some regrets but I still think I'd need to get some revenge.

or I'd just flat out leave!


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

True revenge would require you build him up in R, keep your A a great secret, then conveniently let him find out (in whatever way hurts him the most), then leaving him with the least amount of physical goods and money as possible. If you are looking to exit, and this is going to help you heal, well then you have a lot of work to do.

For all the people who say "morals" and "high road", where did that road lead most of us BS? Through the greatest heartbreak we have ever known? YES, OK then....Hmmmm, wait,,, what if I had slept with all those beautiful women I had a chance to get with during my long marriage. AND found out my wife cheated,,,,, how hurt would I have really been? A LOT FREAKING LESS, because I would have been less invested. So my moral compass has led me to a lonely wasteland of despair, it let me waste my youth/money/resources (I was deployed during her A) and that is so much better than being the wayward who got their cake and ate it too?


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

You could do as Vanton says and remain bitter ,entrenched in your own hatred and anger or you could just walk away and not give a s*it and let yourself grieve for a while and then meet somebody else and go on and lead a happy life

My vote falls for the second option


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

anonymouskitty said:


> *You could do as Vanton says and remain bitter ,entrenched in your own hatred and anger *or you could just walk away and not give a s*it and let yourself grieve for a while and then meet somebody else and go on and lead a happy life
> 
> My vote falls for the second option


Nothing I said would lead her to REMAIN "bitter ,entrenched in your own hatred and anger". I merely stated that she would have a lot of work to do, and the circumstances necessary to exact a seemingly equivalent revenge in her situation. 

HOWEVER I did not advise her to do that. 2nd part of the post was in line with the OP's original question. It was my own rant as I feel betrayed by my own moral code of being loyal, and was hoping for some insight as to why revenge would be so wrong. It is too late for me to revenge anything in my x-relationship.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

I understand but Your need for revenge exists only because you're still emotionally attached to your x Vanton, You wouldn't need revenge on the x if you weren't still thinking about her now would you?


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

anonymouskitty said:


> I understand but Your need for revenge exists only because you're still emotionally attached to your x Vanton, You wouldn't need revenge on the x if you weren't still thinking about her now would you?


Good point, but I don't need revenge I need a time machine. All I want back is my wasted time. Unfortunately I can't have it, so I wish I had been less invested than she was.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

can't change the past can we?


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

I think we want the BSs to FEEL what we feel. Revenge-type affairs can never give this. Because the very act is in response to a broken vow of fidelity.

To really feel the BS's pain, they would have to be betrayed by someone they were 100% faithful to. Sadly, emotionally and/or physically, that's not us (the betrayed spouses).


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

There's just so many steps to actually having an affair, its just something I couldn't do, besides the fact that it would be wrong. Not that I'm lazy, but it really does seem like a lot of work and stress.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

anonymouskitty said:


> I understand but Your need for revenge exists only because you're still emotionally attached to your x Vanton, You wouldn't need revenge on the x if you weren't still thinking about her now would you?


I disagree, when someone punches me in the face I punch them or kick them in the b*lls! not because I'm emotionally attaches its because I"m angry for the pain/hurt/ ect cause by the initinal infraction and want to get my pound of flesh blood and all.

I'm more of an eye for an eye type of guy than a turn the other cheek kid of guy.

I still think I'd reciprocate with an affair and if she found out then I'd leave and i don't think It would bother my consious if she cheated first.


with that said you never know how you will act and feel until it happens to you. Hell I might just punch her in the face and leave you never know!!!!!


so my advice would be to follow the advice of the people who have actually been through it. and it seems the vast majorty say take the high road and don't compromise your own values/morels.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

LostWife - I never thought of it that way - that in order for them to feel our pain, they need to be betrayed by someone they were 100% faithful to....so guess that just is not the best option for anyone.

Read like a very good fortune cookie to me


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## StandingInQuicksand (Jun 4, 2012)

My fantasy revenge would be to pose in a provocative way with OWH, my H's x-BFF, for a photo opp that would look like stuff happened. Then have the OW and my WH find those photos. I wouldn't actually do anything physical with OWH - he is a decent guy even if I think he's a total pansy for putting his head in the sand and not believing the truth about his wife's deeds. But WH and OW don't have to know nothing happened. 

I think OWH and I would need to video tape ourselves taking the photo and maybe have a witness or two that could vouch nothing happened. But it would be a small taste of what we felt for the true disloyals.

On a side note, I sort of did actually have a little unintentional revenge. One of H's friends started texting me shortly after the last DDay when I was at my weakest. He must have sensed marital problems? I do see in hindsight that I started dressing more sexy, being more outgoing, trying to get feedback that I was still desirable to other human beings! Anyway, he would send an innocent question or comment or two that were business like, then swap in a personal "so how are things with you today?" or "any cool plans this weekend?" etc to get me texting personal stuff. Normally I wouldn't bite on that, and even in my state of mind, I saw the fishing but decided to bite just to get a little attention and to help with some of the loneliness I had going on. My H noticed. There had been a total of close to 100 texts over like a month (nothing compared to the 1000 texts and 4000 minutes he spent with OW). But still, he freaked out. Called the other guy. Demanded copies of the texts (which again were totally innocent on my part and only slightly over-friendly on the guy's part). But I saw that hurt and confusion and worry in his eyes. For a few days, he worried about where I was if I was 5 minutes late, thought I was having or considering having a RA, etc. I told him "this is just a tiny taste of what I've been feeling." I said "take what you are feeling right this moment and multiply it times a million and then punch yourself in the nuts 100 times...and you might be close to what I've been feeling. And for you, despite this hurt and fear you have right this moment, you now know that NOTHING happened with me. I don't have that to fall back on."


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

LookingForTheSun said:


> I go in cycles thinking of revenge...I have even told WH that I wanted to out OW to her longtime boyfriend - I don't think he really has a clue. At first he was very against it saying that she was crazy and it could cause more problems and keep her in our lives - this was true, but I felt like he was (still do) defending her then and was still in the fog, but trying to get out. Upon last DD (3.5 months ago), he said that he would help me expose her if that is what I needed to do...of course, I did not go through with it, and I sometimes - like today- wish that I did or would.
> 
> I am in R, but I am still very angry w/WH. He is showing remorse, transparency, etc, but it does not make the pain go away. To cause him additional pain would be counterproductive I think to R and would only have an effect on our children....so how do I get this anger gone?
> 
> ...


IMO, you have a moral obligation to inform her BF.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

BigLiam - so do the get evidence from her route? If I get nothing, do nothing - or just send him a text (don't have his email) - found his phone#. I am so tempted....gaaaaaaa! 

I truly just want this to be over, but this anger keeps creeping back in, time and time again. I am mad at myself because I am stronger than this - I hate this -- 3.5 months into true R and POd again. Does it get better? Any other way to let it go? I work out all the time and take it to the heavy bag when it gets too much....still there. (sorry - I did not mean to hijack this thread)

Quicksand - you made me laugh and tear up at the same time because of the truth to it all - punch yourself 100 times....I will use that one


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> I disagree, when someone punches me in the face I punch them or kick them in the b*lls! not because I'm emotionally attaches its because I"m angry for the pain/hurt/ ect cause by the initinal infraction and want to get my pound of flesh blood and all.
> 
> I'm more of an eye for an eye type of guy than a turn the other cheek kid of guy.
> 
> ...


Chilly I'm a former national Muay Thai champion so throwing punches and causing pain wouldn't be a problem even though I'm 39, and yes it has happened to me and I'm glad to say that I didn't violate my own principles, people go to such lengths to exact revenge, what is the need? You think you're going to come out feeling better? Nope you're still going to remain an angry and bitter man. I could've punched and kneed the Om but then He'd have booked an assault case against me, so why hand him weapons?

I could have taken revenge on my wife but I view myself as a man above that, I have no wish to hurt her even though she did hurt me, and I would never in a million years stoop so low as to assault a woman no matter what she did, its just not worth it chilly, I would feel less of a man for punching a woman.

You want to have a RA go ahead, its your life, live it on your terms. But I look at it this way, tomorrow when my sons or daughter are doing something they shouldn't how're you going to discipline them when you yourself lack self discipline? Supposing they have something stolen from them? would I teach them to steal from somebody else just to recover what they've lost? HELL NO


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> There's just so many steps to actually having an affair, its just something I couldn't do, besides the fact that it would be wrong. Not that I'm lazy, but it really does seem like a lot of work and stress.


I don't think it has anything to do with being lazy. 

I was never really into the dating scene, when single. 

I would only date someone I could actually see as a potential long term mate because I truly wanted a monogamous situation.

I had friends however who would date anyone and everyone. 

One friend said the dating scene is like a candy store and each guy she had sex with was just another taste of yummy candy. 

Well, ugh. Having sex with practical strangers does not taste like candy to me. It's like eating a lemon, in my book. 

Oh well.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

anonymouskitty said:


> Chilly I'm a former national Muay Thai champion so throwing punches and causing pain wouldn't be a problem even though I'm 39, and yes it has happened to me and I'm glad to say that I didn't violate my own principles, people go to such lengths to exact revenge, what is the need? You think you're going to come out feeling better? Nope you're still going to remain an angry and bitter man. I could've punched and kneed the Om but then He'd have booked an assault case against me, so why hand him weapons?
> 
> I could have taken revenge on my wife but I view myself as a man above that, I have no wish to hurt her even though she did hurt me, and I would never in a million years stoop so low as to assault a woman no matter what she did, its just not worth it chilly, I would feel less of a man for punching a woman.
> 
> You want to have a RA go ahead, its your life, live it on your terms. But I look at it this way, tomorrow when my sons or daughter are doing something they shouldn't how're you going to discipline them when you yourself lack self discipline? Supposing they have something stolen from them? would I teach them to steal from somebody else just to recover what they've lost? HELL NO


please reread the last line in my post!

the first part of my post was honest as I could be my point is you never know what you will do when your in that situation.

you are correct that viloence is not always the way to go and the ramification could be a problem but the reverse of that is sometimes a man need to do what he need to do and if kicking the sh*t out of the guy who help ruin a marriage and family help me to move on with my life the maybe the ramifications of kicking someworthless peice of sh*ts ass might well be worth it in the long run. 


as far as what I teach mt children if someone steals for them then they were irresponsible for letting it happen.

and yes sometime they will need to defend themselves with force. or maybe their marriage and family will need defended.

I guess I'm a neanderthal!


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

I have thought about this question a lot. 

The best revenge IMO, for my STBEH would be for him to marry the OW.

According to other people she is a real piece of work. 

She has one nighters, girl girl stuff and has had sex on her girl trips in nightclub bathrooms and parking lots. Ugh. 

She's in her 30s. My STBEH is in his 50s. I doubt he could keep her satisfied sexually and I am certain she will cheat on him, too, once he falls of the perfect pedestal. 

In her emails she said he was perfect.LOL. She really doesn't know him very well.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

LookingForTheSun said:


> BigLiam - so do the get evidence from her route? If I get nothing, do nothing - or just send him a text (don't have his email) - found his phone#. I am so tempted....gaaaaaaa!
> 
> I truly just want this to be over, but this anger keeps creeping back in, time and time again. I am mad at myself because I am stronger than this - I hate this -- 3.5 months into true R and POd again. Does it get better? Any other way to let it go? I work out all the time and take it to the heavy bag when it gets too much....still there. (sorry - I did not mean to hijack this thread)
> 
> Quicksand - you made me laugh and tear up at the same time because of the truth to it all - punch yourself 100 times....I will use that one


Yeah, send him a letter or somethng, certified mail. Your H exposed this guy to his entire sexual history and may have given him something.
I guess it does get better, but not for most people, as they end up splitting.
It got better for me but still bothers me, the lack of justice.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> please reread the last line in my post!
> 
> the first part of my post was honest as I could be my point is you never know what you will do when your in that situation.
> 
> ...


One problem I see with punching the OM out, is that it would gratify my XW. She is not worth it.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

BigLiam said:


> One problem I see with punching the OM out, is that it would gratify my XW. She is not worth it.


never thought of that


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Ive never really thought about getting revenge on H. But i daydream about what i would like to do to the OW. I am so angry with her, esp as she has just gone back to her old life as if nothing has happened. I cant believe her H had her back and it drives me crazy!!


I can believe her husband had her back. Why? Because thats what I did. 

Why? Because I love my wife. As it turns out my gut reaction was right, as it was her condition (she is an aspie) that helped cause her to have the affair.

If someone you love stumbles because they have a problem with their balance, you help stop them from falling or you help them get back up.

Maybe that's what her husband did?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LostWifeCrushed said:


> I think we want the BSs to FEEL what we feel. Revenge-type affairs can never give this. Because the very act is in response to a broken vow of fidelity.
> 
> To really feel the BS's pain, they would have to be betrayed by someone they were 100% faithful to. Sadly, emotionally and/or physically, that's not us (the betrayed spouses).


But, oddly enough, in my wife's case, it was. My affair (EA, on the point of PA) really did hurt my wife. If I am honest, I was a little shocked at exactly how much it did hurt her, seeing the background to my affair.


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