# I Don't Know What To Do...



## FrustratedFather (Jul 6, 2013)

I'll start by saying that my wife and I have been together for a little over ten years, seven of which we've been married. Things have been stressful lately for a number of reasons (we've got a two year old and another on the way, money's tight, we're trying to find a bigger home, etc). Anyways, for the past month or so I've been totally uninterested in having sex with her. The few times we've tried I've been unable to maintain an erection for more than a few minutes. I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm not in love with her anymore, but at the same time I do want to be with her. She's becoming increasingly frustrated (understandably) and has even questioned whether or not we have a future together anymore. I believe she wants to raise our children with me as I do with her. (Family means everything to us.) I don't have ED or anything like that, though I've ordered some viagra as a stopgap until I can figure this out. (I'm not even sure if it's ok for someone who's equipment is working to take the stuff...) I need to know how to rekindle our love, bring the passion back. (I should also mention that I'm much more open minded than she is, though now may be the time for something extreme.) Thanks in advance.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Why do you think you might no be in live with h het any more? You say you want to be wiyh her and want to raise your kids with her ...is it because you can't get an erection? That could just be stress....need more details
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## FrustratedFather (Jul 6, 2013)

Sorry, I thought I'd explained it well enough. I think I may not be in love with her anymore because I don't feel anything when we kiss, I don't desire her, etc. Most of the time I'm happiest being by myself. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy being with her and my son, it's just getting harder because our sex life is dead. I'm sure stress is playing a part but I feel like there's more to it than that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

So you have let the passion ...fire die in your relationship. That will happen in a relationship if you don't work to keep it alive. When you are first get married it comes natural and it will last for a while but if you don't put effort it keep that passion / fire going it will turn to embers. What have you done to rekindle that passion between the two of you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

You may be suffering from depression. This will affect you in many ways.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrustratedFather (Jul 6, 2013)

I realize a long term relationship takes a lot if hard work to keep it going. I've tried suggesting going out but she usually either says we can't afford it or we can't find a babysitter. The last time I tried to send her flowers she rejected the delivery. I'm not even sure we have "embers" anymore. We've had problems in the past but never anything like this. And yes, I've considered the possibility that I may have some form of depression. I find it extremely difficult to find any joy in any aspect of my life anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Have you lost interest in hobbies you used to like to do? Do you sleep more and are tired more than you used to be? Are you eating just to eat...not because your hungry...just because it is something to do? These can be symotoms of depression....irritability is also a symptom of depression in some adults....not just sadness. 

Your wife rejected the delivery of flowers....that's just rude! There is something wrong outside the bedroom for her to do that....why would she do that? That is just not nice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrustratedFather (Jul 6, 2013)

Hobbies are still good, I'm in the middle of a pretty big project at the moment. I'm certainly more tired than I ever used to be, though I'm not sleeping more. Possibly even less. And I'm not having any issues with eating. I'll admit I have a bit of a temper on me. And you're right, there are issues outside the bedroom. Like I said we're in the middle of another fairly significant life change and all the stress that goes with it.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Well I guess first you have to decide what do you want....do you want to fix your marriage? Are you wanting to move on? What is it your really wanting? Sounds like you have bern trying to get your wife to respond to you in the normal ways that used to work and they aren't working anymore....so what has changed? What's going on that has got her so pissed at you that she rejects flowers?? :-/ That's an unusual reaction I must say
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

> money's tight, we're trying to find a bigger home


Are those two conflicting issues causing you more stress? If money is already tight, is it wise to move?

Did she know the flowers were from you when she rejected the delivery? Do you know why she rejected the delivery?

When is she due with baby #2?

When did this lack of desire to have sex with her start? Did something trigger it or has it been a slow, steady decline?


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## FrustratedFather (Jul 6, 2013)

I wish we didn't have to move but we're only in a two bedroom right now and can't possibly accommodate another child here. It's been a slow steady decline for me. She's always ready to go, I just don't want to be with her like that anymore. She knew the flowers were from me, she just didn't want them. I believe it's because she feels flowers are a waste of money. And the new baby is due the middle of October, a week after our sons second birthday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Do you think your feelings have anything to do with her pregnancies? How long have you been feeling unattracted to her?

I remember those years as being unsexy and exhausting. (Young children, pregnancies). It does get better.


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## FrustratedFather (Jul 6, 2013)

I don't think it has anything to do with the pregnancy. This didn't happen the first time. As for how long I've been uninterested in sex it's been a month, maybe a month and a half.
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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

FrustratedFather said:


> I don't think it has anything to do with the pregnancy. This didn't happen the first time. As for how long I've been uninterested in sex it's been a month, maybe a month and a half.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So the decline started a month or two ago? Before that, all was well? How many times per week was normal for you two prior to your decline?


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## FrustratedFather (Jul 6, 2013)

Once, twice a week max.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Have you seen a doctor?


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## FrustratedFather (Jul 6, 2013)

Not yet, maybe I should.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I would definately see a doctor and you need to let your wife know how her actions made you feel. I don't care if she thought they were a waste of money...that was rude..thoughtless and mean spirited to refuse a gift from her husband. Ask her what she would feel like if the next time she does something for you or gives you something if you through it back in her face how does she think it will make her feel. I have a feeling you are feeling depressed and very rejected by your wife. You need to let her know her actions are affecting your marriage and how you feel about her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrustratedFather (Jul 6, 2013)

I've tried to tell her how I feel. It's not like we've never had any problems, it just seems like there are more now than ever before. I think I'll suggest marriage councilling as a last resort. I want to work this all out and get back to a place where we're happy together, but I'm starting to realize that that may not be possible.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

If a male had to be in love to get an erection, the hookers of the world would be out of business in about a week...

Think about it, 16, in high school, couldn't walk down a hall past all those pimply little girls without a getting a boner.....

You have a physical problem....It may or may not be caused by stress, but it has become physical....You need to get to a Dr. and get a good physical, and blood work, with a testosterone level test thrown in......

I am 66, and have been married 47 years, no wood problems, get checked....

good luck 
the woodchuck


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## FrustratedFather (Jul 6, 2013)

I'm not saying it's 100% not a physical problem, it could be, but I'm able to get and maintain an erection. What I can't do is get out of my head long enough to have sex with my wife. Either way, I'll be getting a full physical just to be sure.


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