# I need your help! How do I not let all my husband's



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Annoying habits annoy me? Normally they do but I can handle it better but now while pregnant and busy with our first kid his habits are driving me nuts! Leaving clothes on the floor, reminding him to shower once a day (yes seriously, if he goes one day without his smell bothers me!) waiting to do things instead immediately (more like how I work). I feel like we're pushes to the max right now with some obligations to family & friends (like attending parties etc) and its making is ALL tired and cranky. I dont like what its doing to our family. Plus I feel like I'm always on edge especially with my husband (like get x y z done please now!) 

Its like I cant relax at all and I'm also getting anxious about life changing again after this new baby. Help!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Things aren't happening the way you want, in the time frame you want and it's making you crazy. Welcome to motherhood! It only gets worse sister so pull up a chair, put your feet up and learn to ignore the stuff that isn't going to catch fire, grow it's own legs, or poison the baby.

Seriously, you HAVE to let go or you will drive not only yourself crazy but everyone around you crazy. If you can compromise with your H, some things you must let go, some things he must attend to... Would that help?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like you need some down time. Can you get someone to help out so you can do things that make you feel better?

You need a plan to handle some of this behaviors... maybe just put his dirty cloths in a hamper in the closet. But stop doing his laundry. He's a big boy. He can do his own laundry now.

Are you a SAHM?


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Don't feed him until he showers...


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

If you have to remind him to shower then you have my total sympathy.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> It sounds like you need some down time. Can you get someone to help out so you can do things that make you feel better?
> 
> You need a plan to handle some of this behaviors... maybe just put his dirty cloths in a hamper in the closet. But stop doing his laundry. He's a big boy. He can do his own laundry now.
> 
> Are you a SAHM?



I'm not doing his laundry, he puts his 'clean clothes' on the floor, like clothes he just wore that aren't dirty though. I or he does all of our laundry together. He definitely does quite a bit in the house, I didn't want to give the wrong impression (he's making be breakfast right now) but some of the things he does bothers me...

I'm working part time and sahm part time and due with baby 2 soon. I think I want to look into getting some help but kid 1 already goes to school 3x a week so I need to do more during that time...


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Things aren't happening the way you want, in the time frame you want and it's making you crazy. Welcome to motherhood! It only gets worse sister so pull up a chair, put your feet up and learn to ignore the stuff that isn't going to catch fire, grow it's own legs, or poison the baby.
> 
> Seriously, you HAVE to let go or you will drive not only yourself crazy but everyone around you crazy. If you can compromise with your H, some things you must let go, some things he must attend to... Would that help?



I want to, I need to learn how to relax, that is more important...I don't know how! I need to learn how to let things go because when I'm stressed/irritated, everyone else around me is


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Don't feed him until he showers...



:rofl: This is funny BUT we both cook, like it's literally evenly split and sometimes he does more of the cooking than me. We both do laundry, we both do house chores etc. He literally doesn't have much down time, he works full time and I think there's so much to do at home I always remind him about 'to-do's' in the house.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> If you have to remind him to shower then you have my total sympathy.


:rofl::rofl:

I don't have to remind him but if he doesn't shower in the morning (or even if he does, apparently he DID yesterday morning) but by bedtime last night for some reason, he was all sweaty and stinky  I made him take off that tee shirt at least... 

I had to make him promise that he showered at least once a day and if he was sweaty at the end of the day he has to rinse off again before going to bed. I feel like I have a teenage boy sometimes :scratchhead:


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You still have my sympathy.

Often my husband gets sweaty due to his job so he takes two showers a day.

I do not have to remind him because he likes being clean.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> You still have my sympathy.
> 
> Often my husband gets sweaty due to his job so he takes two showers a day.
> 
> I do not have to remind him because he likes being clean.



Exactly, I don't understand how he doesn't like the 'clean and fresh feeling' enough to want to make sure he's like this himself. He doesn't get sweaty from him job and sometimes gets offended that I tell him that he smells or is too sweaty for my liking...I like when guys are fresh and clean, at least when going to sleep at the minimum! Looking back in time, I guess he was always like this when we first started dating but not to this degree :scratchhead: So I guess it's my fault for knowing what I got into... Oy! 

I posted a different thread about just this subject, let me post the link...


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/71292-kind-embarrassing-but-causes-arguments.html


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

The other thing is when you are pregnant your sense of smell is stronger which isn't helping.


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## WEBELONG2GETHER (Jan 22, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> :rofl: This is funny BUT we both cook, like it's literally evenly split and sometimes he does more of the cooking than me. We both do laundry, we both do house chores etc. He literally doesn't have much down time, he works full time and I think there's so much to do at home I always remind him about 'to-do's' in the house.


Ill say if sense no one else will. You have a great husband, he does more than his share. if you dont quit trying to mirco manage him and be his mommy you will be on this site wondering why he avoids you at all cost.

women have been having babies for centuries..put you big girl panties and stop whining or you may soon be a single mom,

those are your quirks stops putting that shIIIt on him.. you sound like my annoying as$$ husband. nothing is ever good enough..get upset over petty stuff

sorry i had to say it.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

WEBELONG2GETHER said:


> Ill say if sense no one else will. You have a great husband, he does more than his share. if you dont quit trying to mirco manage him and be his mommy you will be on this site wondering why he avoids you at all cost.
> 
> women have been having babies for centuries..put you big girl panties and stop whining or you may soon be a single mom,
> 
> ...


Really? You can have a wonderful spouse and still be annoyed about their habits and want to talk about them...no need to 'flip out'...geez...

And no one ...but maybe 'you' want to sit near a pair of smelly sweaty balls...geez...lighten up. Wtf...


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Really? You can have a wonderful spouse and still be annoyed about their habits and want to talk about them...no need to 'flip out'...geez...
> 
> And no one ...but maybe 'you' want to sit near a pair of smelly sweaty balls...geez...lighten up. Wtf...


I agree with the above posters that she needs to chill out. Re: having a wonderful husband but still be annoyed, it sounds like she is more than annoyed - she is on edge, stressed out, and his wonderfulness is being overshadowed by the things that annoy her.

I was happy to read that he helps out with chores, meals, etc. That's great for a guy who works FT with a SAHM.

Except for the shower part, I think you need to lighten up on those other things a bit. They're stressing you out, but he sounds like a great guy who probably feels that he can't do anything right to please you.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Thanks for all the replies, yes all of them. Sometimes I need to hear it.

I know, I'm a work in progress. I am not perfect, I have issues even when I'm not pregnant such as being insecure, feeling jealous, anxiety and it goes on 

I'm trying best to manage my feelings now while PG (yes I know people have been doing it for centuries but it doesn't negate my slightly heightened sensitivity) but I guess I have to work harder at it. 

And yes you're right I WILL screw things up with my husband if I continue to act this way. I am TRYING to improve.

If you saw my other posts and know more backstory I will say tonight that I was talking to him and he remembered a text he got from a female coworker (and to share it with me), about a kids cd she wanted to borrow, so I think he *is* trying to be 100% transparent with me even though he never betrayed me (there was a recent lie about a phone call for no reason--and as we talked more I realized why he did...because I overreact for everything). So I am TRYING. This is hard for me and I'm contemplating getting IC about my issues.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I was referring to webeogtogether's post...I felt it was harsh on yellowstar...
That was my take.

I think yellowstar is stressed and just needed to vent...


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I think yellowstar is stressed and just needed to vent...



Yes, thank you so much for listening. Sometimes writing this out and hearing what others (yes all opinions) really are helpful to hear and help me in the process of working on my own issues. I sincerely appreciate the 'digital ear' :thumbup::toast:


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## MyrnaLoy (Apr 23, 2013)

I get where you're coming from and I think it requires a change in how you view your world and what your priorities are. It requires some work, but it will help if you value your husband's downtime as much (or more) than you value your to do list. Getting things accomplished is great, but he should be able to relax without you resenting him for it. Maybe you could even take a time out and relax with him. Those are the moments that are worth living. If life was just an endless list of things to get done it would be rather dreary.  give him a break, give yourself a break, and realize that if everything doesn't get done right away, the world will not fall apart. 

Because life will just keep getting busier with more kids-- and that's a good thing. Enjoy it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree that you need to chill and stop nagging him. But I also agree that you have every right to be annoyed by some things.. leaving clothing on the floor and not bathing/showering enough (being stinky).

So how do you balance those two seemingly contradictory points of view.. both valid?

These things that annoy are called "love busters". They can actually ruin an otherwise good marriage. There are two books linked to in my signature block below that I think will help you. Start with "Love Busters" read it and then get your husband to read and work on it with you. Then after that do "His Needs, Her Needs".

It sounds like you have a good husband/marriage. Some small tweeks can make all the difference.


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

Op you don't sound like you're any fun to live with. Clothes on the floor? BFD. You are not his mother. If he wants to leave his clothes on the floor, what right have you to say anything about it? Its his house too and he's not your kid. 
You need to relax and let go of the small things. It sounds like you have a great guy. Don't drive him away by being so controlling and neurotic. The earth won't crash into the sun if you just relax some.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WEBELONG2GETHER (Jan 22, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> Thanks for all the replies, yes all of them. Sometimes I need to hear it.
> 
> I know, I'm a work in progress. I am not perfect, I have issues even when I'm not pregnant such as being insecure, feeling jealous, anxiety and it goes on
> 
> ...


hi yellowstar its webeong2gether i want to apologize for being so stern, but I live with a man who is something like you. I did everything to make his life great. I was a SAHM with 5 kids, did his laundry, paid the bills, homeschooled the kids, kept the house pretty clean, ran errands, replaced his clothing when worn out.

Yet he always thought I need to do it this way or that way. Never good job honey. I remember one time i thought about him and stopped and got him a whopper, (i forgot to get cheese) he pitched a fit.

Fast forward 21 years later. I do nothing for him and he misses it. You werent happy with the things I tried to do for you. Guess what. you gets nothing now. 

he complains I do more for the kids..DUH he drove me to it and I do not want you to drive a loving, helpful man to this point.

Congratulation on the baby!!!! Children are awesome and they dont stay babies for long. Relax and enjoy them. One day you will be glad you did.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

yellowstar,


There are also some simple solutions that might let him be the way he is but at the same time let you have the house more the way you want it.

For example get him a hamper or two. I got those ones that are netting with a wire frame. They fold up easily and can be tucked away when not in use. There are also ones shaped more like laundry baskets.

Give them to him and very sweetly ask him if instead of throwing clothing on the floor if he can put them in those. then if you see his things on the floor just pick them up and put them in the hampers/baskets yourself. He will eventually catch on.

Think of solutions that give both of you more of what you each wants.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

yellowstar said:


> Exactly, I don't understand how he doesn't like the 'clean and fresh feeling' enough to want to make sure he's like this himself. He doesn't get sweaty from him job and sometimes gets offended that I tell him that he smells or is too sweaty for my liking...I like when guys are fresh and clean, at least when going to sleep at the minimum! Looking back in time, I guess he was always like this when we first started dating but not to this degree :scratchhead: So I guess it's my fault for knowing what I got into... Oy!
> 
> I posted a different thread about just this subject, let me post the link...


So I see this, as well as your comment that he does not do things immediately like you like to, and it causes me to cringe Yes, your points may be valid, but I can't help but see you judging because things are not done the way you would have done them. You like that "fresh clean feeling" so he is wrong not to. You like to get things done immediately, so he is wrong not to.


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