# EA = Marital Breast Cancer?



## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I am right in the middle of dealing with my wife's emotional affair. I found google searches "Falling in love over the internet" and such 13 days ago. I confronted her and she admitted her feelings for this man. However, she continues to be "torn" between him and me. She continues to spend hours each night playing online games with him. This morning on the way to work, I thought of a correlation. Many people seem to downplay the significance of an emotional affair, including my wife. Since there has been no sex, is it really an affair? I have told her that this is even worse. She hasn't given him her vagina, but she has given him her heart, which is infinitely more important.

This affair, as I believe most do, started innocently enough playing games. Breast cancer starts similarly (I'm not a doctor, so my technical knowledge may be somewhat off base). There is no warning sign at first. 

Then, you find a little lump. What is this? If you get it checked out at this point, it would be an easy fix. Similarly, if you nip an EA in the bud early on, it would be an easy fix. My husband don't like the time I'm spending with this other man. Perhaps I should stop.

Or, you can ignore the lump and it continues to grow. At some point, it grows to the point that the whole breast may have to be removed. I believe a breast is a very special organ, as marriage is a very special entity. A breast can give a husband pleasure to both the eye and to the touch. My wife's breasts also nourished our three children with the best possible source of food when they were babies. Losing a breast is a major trauma for a woman, based on the few personal experiences I have had. That is similar to the pain of leaving the other man after you have developed an emotional bond. You can give up the other man, which would be painful due to the feelings you have developed for him, or you can keep him (ignore the growing lump) regardless of the likely consequences.

The next phase is where my marriage is now. The lump is the size of a baseball. The breast is unable to be saved. The cancer has likely spread to other parts of the body. The breast must go and other treatment will also be necessary. Keeping the breast at this point is sure to lead to death. The EA has deeply affected our marriage. Giving him up now would be a step in the right direction, but it will also take a lot of work to deal with the damage that has been caused because of the delay in taking action to end the affair. 

So, an EA is not something to be taken lightly. It a cancer of the marriage with serious consequences. If not ended, it will surely kill the marriage. Of course, it would be best to get rid of it while it is still a little lump. Once it has progressed to this point, the prognosis isn't so hot. However, it isn't my breast so it isn't my decision. It has to come from her. Does she cut off her breast to save her life? Does she cut off her affair to save our marriage?


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Torn?

Quick test for you... just tell me what you think.

Ketchup
Terrorist
The Economy
Welfare Check
Child Abuse
public nudity

Ok... For each of those words.. did you immediately associate something? maybe Heinz or red; for ketchup, maybe 9/11 for terrorist.. what about the economy? bad? 

My point is this.. There is no "torn". there is only "how to tell you what she really feels" or buying time to act on what she percieves as an ultimatum. 

I find it ironic that you used Cancer to make an example of an affair. Because with cancer, you use something that can kill you (radiation) to cure it. Well buddy, You are gonna have to take a chance on killing the marriage to cure this. You are gonna have to have her delete her game account, and have her call him on the speaker phone in your presence to tell him to go away and that she chooses you. You will never believe its over unless youhear her say it to him, trust me on that one.

This demand is volatile. If she doesnt want to save the marriage she will equate it to an excuse to leave, or say "see this is why i cheated" But... Like cancer, you need to give it a shot or your marriage is dead.

Game Over, Full Disclosure and Complete severing of the relationship. After that comes the real work.

Torn? there is no torn. Something is, or it isnt. If she has to choose, that means that he is actually an option. In my book,the choice was already made, no do-overs.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Inaccurate analogy on many levels. 

You want to put your marriage crisis in this context? Ok... You and your wife are siamese twins... You both have breast cancer. She doesn't want treatment. What are you going to do?


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Wow, that is more powerful. I thought the correlation was good in the part that early treatment is much better. The longer it goes on, the more damage is done. She knows that I want to save our marriage. She knows that this affair is destroying our marriage. By continuing her relationship with him, she is making a daily choice to destroy our marriage. The implication is that she wants him, but knows that staying with me is the right thing to do for the kids. I'm the right choice, but I'm not the one she wants. I'm not being egotistical by saying that, she has said that she knows she should stay with me. However, her refusal to end her relationship with him screams, "I want him over you!!!" She says, "I'm not a stupid woman. I know what is at risk." Yet she continues. I suppose that says that the risk of losing me isn't that important to her. A caged bird doesn't sing. It has to be her choice or it won't be worth anything. She will just build resentment. I went to see a counsellor. He advised me to work on myself. If I become a better man, then she will be drawn more to me. I have been trying to improve myself, but this is killing me. She knows it and continues to do it. I guess there is no easy answer. "It's him or me" is an ultimatum that will not achieve the desired result. She told him that her husband was making her choose between him or me. By continuing the relationship, she is telling him that he is more important than me. She is telling me that he is more important to her than me. Tonight, the kids will be away. I will not sit idly by and let her spend time with him over me. I don't know exactly what I will do, though. Hopefully, she will make the decision on her own. We'll see.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Inaccurate analogy on many levels.
> 
> You want to put your marriage crisis in this context? Ok... You and your wife are siamese twins... You both have breast cancer. She doesn't want treatment. What are you going to do?


I'de like to point out that the title of the post says EA = Marital Breast Cancer, and Not Wife = Marital Breast Cancer.

The affair is cancer, not the wife 

But even in your example, the cancer will spread to both, so if he wants to live, he has to expose himself to deadly radiation anyways. That or Cut Her Off.


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## Wolf359 (Jun 10, 2010)

Has she seen him, I mean do you know for a fact, she has not touched him yet? What about this thought, do you have a web cam, on her computer ? I would look at it differently if she does. It would make it a lot worse. Also, look for a prepay phone in the house, or her car." A LOT OF CHEATERS DO THIS" it makes it very hard to track the calls.


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