# A question about dinner tonight



## allowingthecakeeating (Mar 13, 2013)

Hi Everyone, here is my challenge. 
My IL are in town tonight and my MIL doesn't always do well with boundaries. My husband is fairly supportive and tells her to stop. However, my husband sent me a text this morning and asked all of us to go to dinner tonight. It is my weekend with the kids. (I know it's because his parents want to see the kids more.) They live 4 hours away. Obviously, he has not included me in most of his plans with the kids. Of course, when its my weekend he asks me to come along. I understand that I need to set boundaries. And there have been occasions that I have said NO. But one of the challenges we are having is that my husband and I only seem to communicate about things like children, money, etc usually stressful stuff. We never get to spend time just hanging out and laughing and talking. Should I take advantage of this time for two reasons 
1. to let him know that if he asks on my time....I come along (it might make him think twice next time.)
2. that he can spend some time with us just laughing and talking.

Down the road I would like us to try to really work on the marriage again. 

HELP


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

So im guessing your separated right now?? since u don't use ex in front of husband. What are the boundries you set up between you and the husband for yourselves, any at all? Do you have to go? cant you trade him weekends?? With your name, do you think you cave in to his requests too much already? I agree with that name that he seems to get the best of all worlds, what are the goals of your separation? or is it more of a year apart for divorce?


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

She said she hopes for them to work on the marriage again. The thing is the two reasons you give conflict each other. On one hand you say if you go along it will teach him not to switch weekends - which means you're trying to set boundaries . If that's what you're trying to do then say no they cant go or switch time - he gets them for the time his parents are there but then you get some of his scheduled time down the road. On the other hand you want to go so maybe he can remember how great it is for all of you to be together in a fun setting. That is not setting boundaries & you'll probably end up getting hurt because you gave in to what HE wanted.


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