# Wife Hates Semen - Won't Touch Me - WTF to do ???



## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

So my wife and I have been together for over 20 year's, high school sweethearts. Got married, had 2 beautiful daughters, we're both in our mid fourties. Sex has been rarely since we had kid's, but I've recently tried to rekindle the flame as the kid's are getting into high school and don't require as much from us. I've asked my wife in repeated conversations: what can I do to have you want me more, what turns you on, what are your fantasies, etc... I told her I'm willing to do whatever she desires. I've become incredibly affectionate, hugging her, kissing her, holding her hand through out the day, telling her how much I love her, and doing anything else she requests. She has gained about 20 lbs and I know she's not happy with her appearance, however, I always tell her how beautiful she is and how much I love her just the way she is. I tried to find out what turns her on or fantasies she may have, but she says "none". 

I told her, I can pretend to be an ex-boyfriend, one night fling, a knight in shining armour, whatever. Nothing. I usually have to beg to get anything at night, and 9 times outta ten, I'm told before I even jump in bed "not tonight", "I'm tired", "I'm watching my show", "I want to play games on my phone", "on my period", "it's too late", "I feel ugly" and on and on. On the occasion I do get sex, this is how it always goes: I give her all the foreplay she wants, hugging, kissing, sucking on her breasts, and than she always asks me to go down on her, which I always do, getting her off once or twice. Than it's over. Nothing. No intercourse, no BJ, no HJ, nothing. I end up in the bathroom taking care of myself. Than we go to sleep. I've told her what I like, what turns me on (nothing outrageous), but she says sperm/precum is disgusting. She doesn't like to see it, touch it, would never have it in her mouth, and doesn't want it inside her. She get's completely grossed out by it. I'm at a complete loss. We discussed it and she said she just needs time, so I gave her another couple of months. Still nothing changes. I go down on her, get her off, and I go jerk myself off. 

I like going down on her and she loves it. But she thinks because I like it, that's all I need. I've told her repeatedly, I need more, and than she says "well I'm grossed out by sperm", and doesn't believe there's anything wrong here. 

So yesterday evening, before going to work out, same thing, got her off, and I told her "ok. When I get back tonight, let's play". But sure enough, as soon as I climb in bed in anticipation, she sees I don't have my shorts on, she goes "sorry. I'm really exhausted". So I roll over and watch her play on her phone for 90 minutes while watching her TV shows. Honestly, I was pissed. I couldn't sleep all night, and when I got up in the morning she's asking "what's the matter ??" I told her how dejected I feel, and how she makes me feel like I'm disgusting or have something wrong with me. She says "oh Cmon, it's only sex. What's the big deal ??? We've been getting along so good." But I told her "you constantly make excuses. 

Last night you say you're exhausted, but yet you can stay up for 90 minutes playing games on your phone and watching TV, but you can't spend 10 or 15 minutes with your husband??? I'm done being your lap dog. It's all about you. You give me absolutely nothing, and when you do, it's table scraps. I've tried so hard these last few months trying to learn about what you want and desire, and you give me nothing." She says "sorry, I told you, sperm grosses me out. Get me drunk and maybe it'll be different". 

I don't want to have to get her "drunk" in order to have sex with her. So now I don't feel like doing anything for her. Nothing. I don't see that she's even willing to change or try. I'm extremely fit and trim, 180 lbs., under 10% body fat, work out 6 day's a week and run at least 5 miles everyday. I'm not disgusting as she makes me feel. Sorry for the long rant, but I'm so frustrated and at a loss as to what to do. I'm wondering if getting divorced (which I don't want. I love my wife.) is the only solution.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

There’s only one answer to the no big deal comment and that’s to test it. If it’s truly no big deal then she should be cool with you taking a mistress. If she’s not ok with it then you know she’s full of ****. If she is ok with it then you have to decide if you’re willing to waste your life with someone who doesn’t really love you. 


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Was she always this averse to sexual interactions with you except to get pregnant, or have things changed over time?

Does she have any explanation for why she thinks unbalanced sex where you do everything for her, but she does nothing for you is OK?

Any indications that she is bi / gay? Her wanting sex, but not wanting contact with male-stuff is suspicious.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Start concentrating on yourself,go for a drink with friends or to watch a game. She sees you as a roommate and occasional vibrator,it?s time she had her eyes opened. A marriage without sex is not a marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How many hours a week do you and your wife spend together, just the two of you? I mean doing things that you enjoy doing together?


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Maybe it's just your sperm she doesn't like.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Since you don't want to divorce, take care of yourself and let her take care of herself. Should she start to come around then insist on getting yours first because you know what happens when she gets hers first. Frankly, she isn't sorry - she's just selfish.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You could always create a spreadsheet of her excuses, with the date, then after a few months, show it to her the next time she says "it's only sex."

"Yeah and we aren't having it because....." /display spreadsheet


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Satya said:


> You could always create a spreadsheet of her excuses, with the date, then after a few months, show it to her the next time she says "it's only sex."
> 
> "Yeah and we aren't having it because....." /display spreadsheet


*Agreed ~ hers is the most ludicrous excuse in all the world!

You no longer are party to a loving marriage!*


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

syhoybenden said:


> Maybe it's just your sperm she doesn't like.


She's always been somewhat adverse to sperm/precum. Just thinks it's gross. Haven't had a BJ in over 20 years. Just had it out with her again. She says she hasn't / isn't doing anything wrong. When I say "that's the problem. You're not doing anything". I asked her "count how many times you've gotten me off in the last two month's". She's says nothing. I say "once. You've gotten me off once thru intercourse, than immediately yelled at me for cumming in YOU. I've gotten you off EVERYTIME. EVERY SINGLE TIME". Than she says "it's not you it's me". I told her "I gotta have sex. Not everyday, but like twice a week would be nice". She says "well you gotta have sex so just let me know before you do something with someone". I told her "I don't want to have sex with someone else. I want to have sex with my wife. Is that asking too much ???" Says "you're acting like a 2 year old who doesn't get his way" . 
It's like she's not interested in sex at all, but if she has to, she'll "allow me" to get her off thru oral sex, but that's it. WTF ??? I'm at a complete loss, yet sick of always having to get myself off.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You could be flip and tell her that you've taken care of all of those nasty little spermatazoa so all she'll have to contend with is the semen. Won't be anything swimming upstream to upset her delicate sensibilities. 

Seriously, you need to see a sex therapist. Don't know how she survived raising two kids not to mention menstruating.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Just thinking outside the box here.... concerning her disgust of semen, have you tried wearing condoms?

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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> How many hours a week do you and your wife spend together, just the two of you? I mean doing things that you enjoy doing together?


She's a stay at home mom, so she doesn't work. I have a crazy schedule and are on call 24/7 pretty much. Go outta town 2 or 3 overnights a week. But the time I'm home, we try and do everything together. Go walking almost every morning. Have dinner together whenever I'm home (roughly 4 day's a week). We were getting along great, but I was building some resentment over this situation. Finally the other night, I'd had enough. Similar thing happened about two months ago. We talked about it, she said she needed time, but nothing changed.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

Lila said:


> Just thinking outside the box here.... concerning her disgust of semen, have you tried wearing condoms?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


I'm not going to lie. I absolutely hate condoms. Haven't found one that even comes close to feeling the same. But even still, she won't get off from intercourse (which I understand, cause most women won't), and if I take care of her first, she's done. Doesn't want me touching her. Than if I do get my way, she's not into it at all, just wants to get it over with ASAP. Which than makes it difficult for me because I know she's miserable, and can't wait for me to finish, and wearing a condom just makes it even tougher and longer to finish. It totally SUCKS.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

WorkingOnMe said:


> There?s only one answer to the no big deal comment and that?s to test it. If it?s truly no big deal then she should be cool with you taking a mistress. If she?s not ok with it then you know she?s full of ****. If she is ok with it then you have to decide if you?re willing to waste your life with someone who doesn?t really love you.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Thats a great point. Like she said "what's the big deal. It's only sex". But when I tell her "I have to gave sex". She gets all pissed off (she's incredibly jealous) and says "well let me know before you do anything with someone else". I know she threatening divorce by that statement.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Stop getting her off. 

And stop pressuring her to do stuff she doesn't want. 

The main thing you two agree on is that it's ok for her to treat you very badly. More your fault than hers. 




drewg350 said:


> She's always been somewhat adverse to sperm/precum. Just thinks it's gross. Haven't had a BJ in over 20 years. Just had it out with her again. She says she hasn't / isn't doing anything wrong. When I say "that's the problem. You're not doing anything". I asked her "count how many times you've gotten me off in the last two month's". She's says nothing. I say "once. You've gotten me off once thru intercourse, than immediately yelled at me for cumming in YOU. I've gotten you off EVERYTIME. EVERY SINGLE TIME". Than she says "it's not you it's me". I told her "I gotta have sex. Not everyday, but like twice a week would be nice". She says "well you gotta have sex so just let me know before you do something with someone". I told her "I don't want to have sex with someone else. I want to have sex with my wife. Is that asking too much ???" Says "you're acting like a 2 year old who doesn't get his way" .
> It's like she's not interested in sex at all, but if she has to, she'll "allow me" to get her off thru oral sex, but that's it. WTF ??? I'm at a complete loss, yet sick of always having to get myself off.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

drewg350 said:


> I'm not going to lie. I absolutely hate condoms. Haven't found one that even comes close to feeling the same. But even still, she won't get off from intercourse (which I understand, cause most women won't), and if I take care of her first, she's done. Doesn't want me touching her. Than if I do get my way, she's not into it at all, just wants to get it over with ASAP. Which than makes it difficult for me because I know she's miserable, and can't wait for me to finish, and wearing a condom just makes it even tougher and longer to finish. It totally SUCKS.


Few, if any men prefer wearing condoms to going bare back. Would it be worth wearing condoms if you could figure out how to get the wife into intercourse? If the answer is yes, then you need to figure out how to make intercourse more pleasurable for her. Have you tried the C.A.T position? Do you rub her clit while you have sex? Is she open to using a vibrator to stimulate herself while you have sex? 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

drewg350 said:


> On the occasion I do get sex, this is how it always goes: I give her all the foreplay she wants, hugging, kissing, sucking on her breasts, and than she always asks me to go down on her, which I always do, getting her off once or twice. Than it's over. Nothing. No intercourse, no BJ, no HJ, nothing. I end up in the bathroom taking care of myself


Do you even lift at all Bro???

I usually don't like to use the PUA lingo but this is one of the worst cases of beta supplication I've read in a long time. 

Hugs, kisses, boobie sucking and carpet munching with no penises or semen is how lesbians do it ..... But I assume most lesbians at least return the favor instead of sending their girlfriend to the bathroom to take care of herself. 

Some how you've turned into her lesbian girlfriend; and she is even a horrible lay as a lesbian and I am sure no self respecting lesbian would go for that level of selfishness and entitlement. 

You simply must Velcro your balls back on and nut-up whether you stay or whether you go. 

The standard guides that people often reccomend here are the books "No More Mr Nice Guy" and "Married Man Sex Life Primer."

Read those two books cover to cover, then come back here and we can talk more. 

Don't talk to her or try to reason with her or negotiate with her or do anything until you have read those two books thoroughly and have an understanding of how to get your sense manhood back.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Having it out with her isn't getting you very far, is it? You want a mutually satisfying sexual relationship and she doesn't care. What are your options? Marriage counseling (won't help with her aversion to bodily fluids), affair (you don't want to), divorce (you don't want to) or sex therapy where her mind can be educated and reprogrammed in regards to a healthy sex life. She's in her forties so you don't have a lot of time here to right this ship before she enters peri-menopause (and then all bets are off}. Good luck with whatever course of action you choose.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> Do you even lift at all Bro???
> 
> I usually don't like to use the PUA lingo but this is one of the worst cases of beta supplication I've read in a long time.
> 
> ...



And she doesn't even bring home a paycheck!!! She'd be the kids' mother whether she was with OP or not, so I can't really see what she's even bringing to the relationship. Entitled is a good word, the fact is that she's not worried about keeping him at all. She's got him firmly locked in the purse he bought for her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Lila said:


> Just thinking outside the box here.... concerning her disgust of semen, have you tried wearing condoms?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


Lila, Dear..

You are a genius!!! :grin2::grin2::grin2:


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm sorry, but it sounds like you were a sperm donor.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Why did you marry her?

You should see a sex therapist. I had the same problem. My ex-wife didn't like sex. Of course, this wasn't told to me until after the contract was signed. 

Start putting together a rainy day fund brother for legal fees. Trust when I say you will need it.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Lila, Dear..
> 
> You are a genius!!! :grin2::grin2::grin2:


Hey, the first thing I learned in sex therapy.....K.I.S.S.

Eta: ......and you can't change other people.

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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I hate to say it...

But that never stopped a Martian.

Cut her off from all sex...as others have said.

Stop doing things with her, for the most part.

Start getting all dressed up, shaved, smeiling good.

Go to the public library and read some books.

Then stop at a Pub and drink a short beer.

Then head home.

When she asks where you have been, tell her out with good friends.
When she asks, Who? Tell her they are new friends, you don't know them.

She will unload on you. Be calm and pleasant throughout.

After a few times of listening to her blowing a gasket, tell her "I get lonely at home, I need somebody to share my feelings with".

Naturally, she will say, "You have a wife, you have Me to talk to. What is it that you discuss with strangers that you cannot discuss with me?"

Look her square in the eye, no smile and say, "Nothing, nothing that you and I have not talked about a hundred times."

Then will come the "What's, about three of them. Walk away, go to the bathroom, away from her.

Do not under any circumstances cave in and tell her that this a poop test.

She will know immediately what you are referring to. Let her say it out loud. "You talked about our sex life with strangers". Again, give a feeble smile and admit nothing.

Tell her you are going to bed....


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> I hate to say it...
> 
> But that never stopped a Martian.
> 
> ...


Unfortunately, I know my wife. She's extremely jealous. She's always accusing me of cheating on her even though I absolutely NEVER have, and never would. I've had a million chances. Can't do it. When I made that marital commitment, I took it seriously. I can't cheat on my wife while married. 
If I did like you suggested (staying outta the house, going to the pub for a beer, etc..) she'd immediately accuse me of cheating on her, look to move out, file for divorce, and look to screw me from here to the woodshed. She's extremely vindictive, and if she believed I was cheating on her, that'd be all the justification she needs to try and take everything from me, including my daughter's. She'd WANT to hurt me as much as possible. I don't want to divorce her. She's a great mother and wife, except in the bedroom. Unfortunately for me, this is extremely important.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Lila said:


> Few, if any men prefer wearing condoms to going bare back. Would it be worth wearing condoms if you could figure out how to get the wife into intercourse? If the answer is yes, then you need to figure out how to make intercourse more pleasurable for her. Have you tried the C.A.T position? Do you rub her clit while you have sex? Is she open to using a vibrator to stimulate herself while you have sex?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


I prefer condoms. There are thin ones from Japan which are amazing. It feels nearly the same. 

Okamoto 0.04 Zero Zero Four Condoms. They also have 0.03. Crown are really good as well. By far, the lambskin are the closest skin to skin you can find. However, they do not protect against STDs.

I'd still VAR the b!tch though. I cannot stand adultery. It makes my blood boil.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> drewg350 said:
> 
> 
> > On the occasion I do get sex, this is how it always goes: I give her all the foreplay she wants, hugging, kissing, sucking on her breasts, and than she always asks me to go down on her, which I always do, getting her off once or twice. Than it's over. Nothing. No intercourse, no BJ, no HJ, nothing. I end up in the bathroom taking care of myself
> ...



Dude, I played "the tough guy". The guy who didn't care. That never got me anywhere. All it did was made us grow further apart and have zero sex altogether. Not that what we're doing now could really be construed as "having sex", but I thought it was bringing us closer. Unfortunately, it's either going to take ALOT of time, or it's not going to change.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

Almost-Done said:


> Lila said:
> 
> 
> > Few, if any men prefer wearing condoms to going bare back. Would it be worth wearing condoms if you could figure out how to get the wife into intercourse? If the answer is yes, then you need to figure out how to make intercourse more pleasurable for her. Have you tried the C.A.T position? Do you rub her clit while you have sex? Is she open to using a vibrator to stimulate herself while you have sex?
> ...



I'll see about trying to find those and give them a try. I'm not worried about STD's. Neither one of us has been with anyone else in over 20 year's. 

I do try rubbing her clit while having intercourse, but it's always after having performed oral, and she doesn't like me doing that. I've even purchased various sex toys, including clit vibes on a **** ring, but she wants nothing to do with it. She'll gladly use a Vibrator, like the other day, with me going down on her. But once she gets off, that's it. Done. No second round, no second orgasm. Don't touch me. Not interested in anything but going to sleep. 
I guess I know how alot of women feel with guys who get themselves off, than roll over and go to sleep, w/o ever attending to their needs. I understand women are like "slow cookers" while men are like "microwaves". I always work to get her off first. I get pleasure in giving pleasure. Seeing and hearing her get off just drives me crazy, like it does every guy (I assume). Guess I need to change my mindset and become more "selfish". Maybe I'll insist on intercourse first, purposely get off in record time, than roll over before she even works up a sweat, and say "I'm tired".


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Lila said:


> Just thinking outside the box here.... concerning her disgust of semen, have you tried wearing condoms?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


That was my thought exactly.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Lila said:


> Just thinking outside the box here.... concerning her disgust of semen, have you tried wearing condoms?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


NO WAY a normal married couple should even consider wearing a condom..........Ditch the biotch......she is playing you and is done. Any time you spend with her from this point forward is wasted time in your recovery. I've lived it, I know what the outcome is likely to be........


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

drewg350 said:


> Unfortunately, I know my wife. She's extremely jealous. She's always accusing me of cheating on her even though I absolutely NEVER have, and never would. I've had a million chances. Can't do it. When I made that marital commitment, I took it seriously. I can't cheat on my wife while married.
> If I did like you suggested (staying outta the house, going to the pub for a beer, etc..) she'd immediately accuse me of cheating on her, look to move out, file for divorce, and look to screw me from here to the woodshed. She's extremely vindictive, and if she believed I was cheating on her, that'd be all the justification she needs to try and take everything from me, including my daughter's. She'd WANT to hurt me as much as possible. I don't want to divorce her. She's a great mother and wife, except in the bedroom. Unfortunately for me, this is extremely important.


Her accusing you of cheating or acting jealous doesn't mean that she's actually jealous. It's actually much more likely that she's not jealous. She obviously doesn't care about you. Most likely she just feels guilty and she knows she's not treating you well. And she probably can't believe that she can treat you this way and you do nothing about it.....and that you interpret that as jealousy. I'm thinking you're suffering from a bit of wishful thinking.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Betrayedone said:


> NO WAY a normal married couple should even consider wearing a condom..........Ditch the biotch......she is playing you and is done. Any time you spend with her from this point forward is wasted time in your recovery. I've lived it, I know what the outcome is likely to be........


Why not if it helps the problem?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> I hate to say it...
> 
> But that never stopped a Martian.
> 
> ...


I like this..... I don't think it will work because I'm pessimistic, but I like the sound of it..😋


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Why not if it helps the problem?


 because it's not the problem.
Semen turns her off? Lmao


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think you should try a condom just to see if it makes a difference. If her issues really is an aversion to body fluids, that should do the trick. It the body fluid thing is an excuse, you would find out pretty quickly.

After that experiment, if things don't get better, stop doing things for your wife during sex. Give only as much as you get.

I think that you need to seriously think about you and your wife getting into sex therapy. She needs for someone other than you to tell her that what she is doing is not cool at all that she needs to change if she wants to keep her husband.

She knows you are not going anywhere so she had no reason to change. Sometimes we humans need a shock in our lives to wake us up. Letting her know that you have a limit and will leave if you cannot have a normal sex life just might get her to agree to counseling and wake her up.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> because it's not the problem.
> Semen turns her off? Lmao


Exactly. Her supposed aversion to semen is a red herring.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

But your semen didn't turn her off while you were trying to get pregnant both times? Or was that just a "necessary evil"?

I'm going to be honest. I do not believe she is sexually attracted to you any longer. Having you perform oral on her is her way of getting her sexual needs met AND fantasize at the same time. There's no other reason for her to be so turned off at the idea of pleasuring her own husband.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Lots of talk and excuses. I suspect you'll wallow in this for awhile until maybe you wake up and figure out there's nothing you can do.

She doesn't care. As long as you bind yourself to this its all you're gonna get.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Tell her you have good news for her!

You have been researching her concerns and had learned of a simple outpatient surgery that will completely stop ejaculation, without the man losing any pleasure. Tell her you had it while she thought you were at work today! When she asks for more details, explain its really very simple. That kind of like a vasectomy, the man needs to shoot a few loads to get all the (sperm) or in your case “fluid” out. Tell her that your surgeon said that mastrubation doesn’t cause strong enough orgasms to properly move the fluids all the way through your body and out, only sex. Enjoy that for a month or so. If she begins to question, let her know that you can see a HUGE reduction in fluid. 

Then when she comments on it seeming to genuinely not be working, Schedule another Dr. Appt. After that appointment, advise her that your doc said this does happen in harder cases and you must be one of them. That he said only oral works for these rare situations.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I think she is full of sh!t!

I call bvllshyt on this entire situation.

Is your wife a goddamned moron?

I seriously can't believe you would put up with a deranged woman like you have described.

Are you her b!tch? She is certainly behaving like you are! Do you give her reasons to treat you like her little eunuch b!tch?

This is so unbelievable. I just can't comprehend a loving wife behaving this way or any man putting up with it.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Betrayedone said:


> NO WAY a normal married couple should even consider wearing a condom..........Ditch the biotch......she is playing you and is done. Any time you spend with her from this point forward is wasted time in your recovery. I've lived it, I know what the outcome is likely to be........


I guess you're right. I was making a suggestion that may work almost as well as it worked in my mostly happy 19 year marriage. Up until his vasectomy 6 months ago, H wore condoms every month during high fertility days. And we have had and continue to enjoy sex 2-4 times per week on average. Yep, not normal at all but H and I both agree that we'd rather be outliers that enjoy lots of sex even if it means compromising a little. To each there own. 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

I would say stop pestering her about having sex.. She likes the attention BUT if you stop, she'll be wondering why.. Just try it. I know you said if your away from the house she'll think your cheating. How about keeping busy in the yard, talking with a neighbor or a hobby in the garage. If that doesn't work you will have to go to a sex therapist and find out whats going on. The therapist could help her get over these 'fear' of sex!!


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

IMO, you should tell her that 

1. From now on, you will help get her excited using the same means you have been using, but before she orgasms you will stop, and be inside inside her while she finishes, using whatever means she wants. 

2. After she has hers, you are already inside and you will finish too. If you know she is very close, you will finish with her.

3. You will keep kleenex within arms length, for her sake.

4. Tell her that if she pushes you off after she finishes and doesn't let you finish, all bets are off, and you are done with her until she gets herself to a sex therapist. If she keeps it up for (you deterimine) X months, you will file for divorce. You will not tolerate a one sided marriage.

5. **after she has let you finish inside her for several months, you might...might...help her finish solo (once in a while) again, but not until she proves that she cares about your fulfillment.

Your sperm was good enough for her to get pregnant. It is unacceptable for her to reject you (it) now.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

He wants his dream to be wet.

She wants her period dry.

Compromise-

She can wear a female condom. They make them.

Never seen one, never want to.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

drewg350 said:


> Unfortunately, I know my wife. She's extremely jealous. She's always accusing me of cheating on her even though I absolutely NEVER have, and never would. I've had a million chances. Can't do it. When I made that marital commitment, I took it seriously. I can't cheat on my wife while married.
> If I did like you suggested (staying outta the house, going to the pub for a beer, etc..) she'd immediately accuse me of cheating on her, look to move out, file for divorce, and look to screw me from here to the woodshed. She's extremely vindictive, and if she believed I was cheating on her, that'd be all the justification she needs to try and take everything from me, including my daughter's. She'd WANT to hurt me as much as possible. I don't want to divorce her. She's a great mother and wife, except in the bedroom. Unfortunately for me, this is extremely important.


Much fear I sense in this one.

Fear in men is one of the most attraction/desire crushing traits for women that a man can have. women's attraction and desire are extremely closing tied to their respect and admiration for a man. If they do not respect and admire a man, they cannot desire him sexually. 

Why are you so afraid of her leaving you? What would she actually do if she left? If she does have an aversion to sex and penises and semen, then she won't be able to get another man. So then why would she leave you? You give her all the affection and lesbian sex she could possibly want and she doesn't have to do anything in return - why would she leave that?

Your fear and insecurity are what is keeping you trapped in this dungeon. Lose your fear and then you will be able to pursue that which you desire. 

One of the first steps you can take to lose your fears of divorce is to see a family law attorney and find out what your actual rights and obligations will be in a divorce.

For starters, you daughters are almost adults and can see and do things with whatever parent they want. Unless you are a convicted sex offender or convicted child molester or child abuser or drug dealer or something, your wife would not be able to "take" your children from you. 

And assuming you are in the USA, pretty much all jurisdictions require a fair and equitable division of marital property and assets without regard to details of why the divorce is occurring (ie no-fault). 

She wouldn't be able to "screw" you in divorce any more than what she is screwing you now. 

If she does not work outside the home or have a livable income of her own, you may be require to provide spousal support for a period of time and that period of time gets longer the longer you have been married, so it is in your best interest to her butt out of house and get a job ASAP. 

Stop being such a scardy cat and grow some giblets and take some responsibility for your life.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

drewg350 said:


> Dude, I played "the tough guy". The guy who didn't care. That never got me anywhere. All it did was made us grow further apart and have zero sex altogether. Not that what we're doing now could really be construed as "having sex", but I thought it was bringing us closer. Unfortunately, it's either going to take ALOT of time, or it's not going to change.


If you "played" the tough guy, that means you tried to be a jerk - total fail. 

No one is saying anything about being a tough guy. People are telling you to be an adult man and take some responsibility for your desires and needs. 

You can't play-act, you can't bluff, you can't manipulate and you can't make ultimatums that you aren't ready, willing and able to follow through. 

You are already spanking in the bathroom like a 12 year old boy that just discovered what a boner is; how much worse can it really get? 

The only way this can get worse is if you irritate her enough that she revokes your masturbation privileges. 

If you split up, at least then you could spank to porn like every other sexless chump.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Move all your stuff to a different bedroom and sleep there at night. Do not initiate any affection with her. No goodbye kisses. Start dealing with her as if she were a business partner. Polite but not engaged. Discuss just facts and logistics. No more dinners out, no more helping her with her computer, or words of affirmation. Show her what it is to no longer have a husband. When she asks you what's wrong, tell her you're rethinking some things and you'll get back to her. If she asks for more information, tell her you'll get back to her and you're not willing to discuss it now. When she gets angry, just "sorry you feel that way" and walk away. You're basically going to do an in-house 180. 

This is basically what she's done to your feelings, so she really has no reason to complain. 

I'm not saying you should stay like this. I think you should do this for a week or so just as an experiment. You want to see what kind of reaction you get from her. From there you'll be able to see more clearly what direction you should head. She'll might panic at the thought of losing you and her primitive side will cause her to feel affection again to win you back. Or she might double down and get nasty. If she doubles down, it's time to see an attorney.

One thing that's not acceptable is the status quo for 20 more years.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Tatsuhiko said:


> Move all your stuff to a different bedroom and sleep there at night. Do not initiate any affection with her. No goodbye kisses. Start dealing with her as if she were a business partner. Polite but not engaged. Discuss just facts and logistics. No more dinners out, no more helping her with her computer, or words of affirmation. Show her what it is to no longer have a husband. When she asks you what's wrong, tell her you're rethinking some things and you'll get back to her. If she asks for more information, tell her you'll get back to her and you're not willing to discuss it now. When she gets angry, just "sorry you feel that way" and walk away. You're basically going to do an in-house 180.
> 
> This is basically what she's done to your feelings, so she really has no reason to complain.
> 
> ...


Like, Like, Like!!:iagree:


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Send your wife this link - https://forgivenwife.com/inundated-by-his-hurt/ , then quit doing things for her, spend time with your kids if you have them. 

Spend as much time as you can with them, and see an attorney. Start working out, dressing better, and preparing yourself mentally to move on.

Here's the truth, you have to be willing to lose your marriage to save it. Some spouses will not change anything until you are walking out the door.

If she changes, you have a chance to save marriage, if she says NO, you will have saved yourself years of misery.

1 Corinthians 7:4
The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

Committing to a marriage means each spouse works with the other, not treat the other with disdain.

As the old joke goes "You know why divorces are so expensive? . . . They're worth it"

Seriously, my wife didn't change until I was ready to walk, had the paperwork in hand. The crappy part of this, you have to get yourself prepared for it to go south, and then you never really see your spouse quite the same way after that.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

* Her accusing you of cheating or acting jealous doesn't mean that she's actually jealous. It's actually much more likely that she's not jealous. She obviously doesn't care about you. Most likely she just feels guilty and she knows she's not treating you well. And she probably can't believe that she can treat you this way and you do nothing about it...*

Your W KNOWS HOW to Control YOU. This is what she is doing,so face up to the fact it is about CONTROL. You taught her what works in her favor at YOUR expense.

Your W is totally sexually selfish.

Female condoms, yes there are such things. Look at them on eBay.

If you can do what Eligirl advised, you might have a chance at staying married. If not in a few years your situation will be a lot worse. A lot of other people in your situation just gave up. The 3 most common choices are 1) giving up on sex and sucking up your sexual feelings, maybe using erotica, 2) finding someone else as a friends with benefits FWB, and 3)eventually divorce.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

Rob_1 said:


> How sad. Another grown man unable to have the balls to be a man.
> 
> I truly don't understand a lot of the men that come to post here, it's like they never had a strong confident male role in their life, or any male role at all to know how to behave like a man. they're unable to act and demand for a resolution on their marriage problems; instead all they do is passively, very beta, ***** and complaint about it, while their life it's just passing them by without any resolution because they never found the balls to take their life in their own hands, instead they are nothing but supplicants waiting for others to give then what they're asking, but it never comes.
> 
> ...



No offense, but you sound like a complete douche bag. I can imagine what kind of father you must/would be to your kid's if you'd leave your wife/wives within 8 week's of her not complying to your every demand. Must be a "one way street" in your house and the women that stay with you must be 100% willing to be your servant. I have two beautiful, young daughter's, who would be absolutely heartbroken if their father or mother choose to split up, let alone so quickly without trying to work things out. Outside of this issue, we actually get along great. I'm trying to work this out. I might not be able to, and if more time goes by and nothing changes, than I'll have to make a decision. Forgive me if my idea of marriage doesn't include instant divorce when problems arise.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

Handy said:


> * Her accusing you of cheating or acting jealous doesn't mean that she's actually jealous. It's actually much more likely that she's not jealous. She obviously doesn't care about you. Most likely she just feels guilty and she knows she's not treating you well. And she probably can't believe that she can treat you this way and you do nothing about it...*
> 
> Your W KNOWS HOW to Control YOU. This is what she is doing,so face up to the fact it is about CONTROL. You taught her what works in her favor at YOUR expense.
> 
> ...



Trust me: she's extremely jealous. I've caught her calling number's on my phone she doesn't recognize just to see if a girl answer's. She's actually called co-workers of mine asking if I've been screwing around. She's followed me before, just to see "if I'm really going to the gym". I could list another 50 examples. She's not doing it to control me, because all she gets is absolute misery when I blast her and she eventually finds out she's wrong. Just the other day she comes walking in and throws an Under Armour hair band at me and says "I found this under your passenger seat. Who have you been seeing ??" I tell her it must be one of our daughters. She checks and says "nope". Doesn't talk to me for two days, than comes up and says "it's my daughter's friends hairband". I ask her how she found out. She says "I sent pics of it to all our daughters friends mother's asking if any of them lost this hairband". She didn't do that because she wanted to return it. She did that because she was sure I was cheating on her. She immediately apologized. But this is just another example. She's never caught me cheating on her because I never have. I have a clear conscience.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

FrazzledSadHusband said:


> Send your wife this link - https://forgivenwife.com/inundated-by-his-hurt/ , then quit doing things for her, spend time with your kids if you have them.
> 
> Spend as much time as you can with them, and see an attorney. Start working out, dressing better, and preparing yourself mentally to move on.
> 
> ...


Thank you for taking your time to post. I really appreciate it. Your advice sounds very logical and something I'm going to persue. It sounds like it comes from someone who went thru a similar situation. I do believe my wife would change and try and save the marriage. We've been thru a lot of bad times in the past, and we always stuck by each other and made it thru. I've only expressed or talked about my displeasure and resentment twice with her, once about 6 or 7 weeks ago, and again the other day when this last situation took place. I'm going to lay it on the line with her and see what she does, if anything. I really appreciate your advice. Thank you.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Tell her she is a broken and that your trading her in for a new model.

Seriously i would go on strike no more taking care of her kitty.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

drewg350 said:


> Trust me: she's extremely jealous. I've caught her calling number's on my phone she doesn't recognize just to see if a girl answer's. She's actually called co-workers of mine asking if I've been screwing around. She's followed me before, just to see "if I'm really going to the gym". I could list another 50 examples. She's not doing it to control me, because all she gets is absolute misery when I blast her and she eventually finds out she's wrong. Just the other day she comes walking in and throws an Under Armour hair band at me and says "I found this under your passenger seat. Who have you been seeing ??" I tell her it must be one of our daughters. She checks and says "nope". Doesn't talk to me for two days, than comes up and says "it's my daughter's friends hairband". I ask her how she found out. She says "I sent pics of it to all our daughters friends mother's asking if any of them lost this hairband". She didn't do that because she wanted to return it. She did that because she was sure I was cheating on her. She immediately apologized. But this is just another example. She's never caught me cheating on her because I never have. I have a clear conscience.


some who is that hungry to try to catch their spouse cheating, can also be someone who is cheating themselves and and wants to make sure they are the only in the family doing so.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

drewg350 said:


> Unfortunately, I know my wife. She's extremely jealous. She's always accusing me of cheating on her even though I absolutely NEVER have, and never would. I've had a million chances. Can't do it. When I made that marital commitment, I took it seriously. I can't cheat on my wife while married.
> If I did like you suggested (staying outta the house, going to the pub for a beer, etc..) she'd immediately accuse me of cheating on her, look to move out, file for divorce, and look to screw me from here to the woodshed. She's extremely vindictive, and if she believed I was cheating on her, that'd be all the justification she needs to try and take everything from me, including my daughter's. She'd WANT to hurt me as much as possible. I don't want to divorce her. She's a great mother and wife, except in the bedroom. Unfortunately for me, this is extremely important.


Might be time for her to get off her azz and get a job. Honestly, I know being a SAHM is work. It just she is taking everything and giving nothing back to you.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

drewg350 said:


> Trust me: she's extremely jealous. I've caught her calling number's on my phone she doesn't recognize just to see if a girl answer's. She's actually called co-workers of mine asking if I've been screwing around. She's followed me before, just to see "if I'm really going to the gym". I could list another 50 examples. She's not doing it to control me, because all she gets is absolute misery when I blast her and she eventually finds out she's wrong. Just the other day she comes walking in and throws an Under Armour hair band at me and says "I found this under your passenger seat. Who have you been seeing ??" I tell her it must be one of our daughters. She checks and says "nope". Doesn't talk to me for two days, than comes up and says "it's my daughter's friends hairband". I ask her how she found out. She says "I sent pics of it to all our daughters friends mother's asking if any of them lost this hairband". She didn't do that because she wanted to return it. She did that because she was sure I was cheating on her. She immediately apologized. But this is just another example. She's never caught me cheating on her because I never have. I have a clear conscience.




All the behaviors you describe show someone who’s insecure because she’s not keeping up her side. Doesn’t sound like jealousy to me at all. 


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

drewg350 said:


> No offense, but you sound like a complete douche bag. I can imagine what kind of father you must/would be to your kid's if you'd leave your wife/wives within 8 week's of her not complying to your every demand. Must be a "one way street" in your house and the women that stay with you must be 100% willing to be your servant. I have two beautiful, young daughter's, who would be absolutely heartbroken if their father or mother choose to split up, let alone so quickly without trying to work things out. Outside of this issue, we actually get along great. I'm trying to work this out. I might not be able to, and if more time goes by and nothing changes, than I'll have to make a decision. Forgive me if my idea of marriage doesn't include instant divorce when problems arise.




You may not like the way he said it but the fact is you’re acting very weakly. She acts this way because you allow it without consequences. You say you’ve tried being the tough guy but I highly doubt you really were. Did you bring a tough guy involve calling an attorney or telling her she has to get a job or cutting off the money? No consequences, no change. 


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

* drewg350
Trust me: she's extremely jealous. I've caught her calling number's on my phone she doesn't recognize just to see if a girl answer's.

She's not doing it to control me, because all she gets is absolute misery when I blast her and she eventually finds out she's wrong.*

To me that is another example that SHE is out of control. That type of behavior sounds like an obsessive control disorder (OCD). Most people would see her behaviors as needing some form of counseling and behavior modification. 

Your W is irrational and YOU want a normal relationship with her. Tell me how irrational and normal mesh?

People here on TAM say dump her, but what the other message is, YOU need to somehow make some boundaries with her she has to abide by. If cum/semen grosses her out, that is not normal so it is her problem but she makes YOUR problem. All of the other normal things that happen but she makes you responsible for them. How is that fair or reasonable? This is why SHE needs counseling and not from you or you helping her to figure it out.

Read a bunch of posts by Young at Heart here on TAM. His W had some similar issues as your W. It took him telling his W in counseling session that she had to attend sex and marriage counseling AND things had to change in XX days or he was going to file for divorce. Young at Heart had a good sex therapist (also did relationship issues) and he made it. Most couples try to fix things on their own or they didn't get get the right help and they either divorced or they stayed together in what is called a "non-divorce" (on paper) but live separate, unhappy lives.

It is OK to list your relationship issues but what counts is what are you willing to do. Starting off with you saying there will be no divorce is putting you at a great disadvantage because your W will not be motivated much to make the changes SHE needs to make. She has way too many hang ups. 

Hypothetically, if she was a widow and had to live on a widow benefit, but started dating and was treating her dates the way she treats you, I doubt she would have few long term suitors unless the guy was asexual and stayed home all of the time. She might like that for a short time but would realize you were way better than this new guy. I know of no other man that will satisfy his W and then forced to go jerk-off in the bathroom and keep doing that as long as you have. I am not trying to criticize you, I am just pointing out how you are being taking advantage of by your sexually selfish wife.

I think kids in kindergarten learn that when passing out candy, it is 1 for me, 1 for you, and so on down the line until everyone gets a fair share.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

This is obviously a bad situation. 

She doesn't like sexual fluids which are part of normal human sexual interactions. I presume that part is true because why else would she turn you down. I think your options are limited, but my suggestion:

Ask her to go to a sex therapist. If she agrees, give it 6 months to see if anything improves.

If she says no, or doesn't actually go within 2 weeks, or 6 months go by without improvement then you have the usual choices:

Leave, Cheat, Live like a monk. Those choices suck, but they are what you have. Some people would add "threaten to leave if she doesn't have sex with you", but I don't think that is a good choice.

You have to decide which choice you are making and then tell her. 


1) Leave: "Wife, I'm sorry, but I'm no longer willing to live in a sexless marriage. I have contacted a divorce attorney. I hope we can have a fair separation."

2) Cheat: Here you have a choice. The easiest is to get get some on the side and if she finds out, tell her that since she won't sleep with you, you have found someone who will.

or: Tell her "Wife, I am not willing to live the rest of my life without sex". If we don't have regular sex, I will either find it outside of marriage, or divorce. Your chocie.

3). Either continue to provide her pleasure, then jerk off afterwards in private. Your choice, no one else can tell you what is OK.

or: "Wife, since you will not have sex with me, I will no longer please you. If you give me a handjob, I'll get you off with fingers. If you give me a complete blowjob, I'll give you oral until you finish. If you stop the BJ before I finish, I will stop before you finish. She will claim that it isn't fair, but you stick with what you stated. The result will be no sex for either of you.



Ignore people who tell you to "man up" etc. Your wife does not have a normal desire for sex. Unless she is willing to seek therapy to fix that, nothing you can do will change it.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

* Unless she is willing to seek therapy to fix that, nothing you can do will change it.*

Plus 1, that is the simple answer and the simple advice.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Satya said:


> I'm sorry, but it sounds like you were a sperm donor.


Yep. Another one.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

uhtred said:


> Ignore people who tell you to "man up" etc. Your wife does not have a normal desire for sex. Unless she is willing to seek therapy to fix that, nothing you can do will change it.



I think what is meant by that is to present consequences for the wife's behavior. Marriage is by its very nature is a sexual relationship. Without sex, meaning the purposeful withholding of it, there is no marriage here. In that case, she has no reason to be jealous as she's not having sex with you. It's not like there should be a fear of an STD.

So, you either divorce her or call her bluff. Tell her that you're going to start dating again. You're not cheating because she has chosen to dissolve the marriage by not having sex with you. Tell her this and do it. Go to clubs or get on dating websites and find a woman or two to date. See how it goes and what it would be like to be single again. She is the one who has made the choice to not be in a real marriage, not you.

If she is jealous and doesn't like it, she'll either decide to deal with HER problems or she'll decide to divorce you. I doubt she'd really pursue the latter as that would require a complete upheaval of her life. First, she'd have to get a job and then somehow, someway find another guy who would service her and expect nothing in return. Good luck with that. 

If she chose divorce then that tells you all you'd need to know. She doesn't really love you or really care. You see, that's what marriage is supposed to be about, not attempting to control the other person. If she decided not to try at all, then it's best if you knew that now. Then you can move on with your life and pursue a healthy relationship with a normal woman.

She does have issues but they are her issues, not yours. Her consequences need to be that you expect a normal relationship, which includes relatively frequent sex. If she doesn't want that, then you have your answer. Time to move on then or become a monk and be okay with it. You're too young to never have real sex again with a woman. There simply have to be consequences, real ones, for this to ever change.


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

She wants to get off but doesn't want to get you off...

Right.

So next time you go at it, stop before she orgasms and go to enter her. If she stops you, end the session. And repeat.

Wen she complains ask her "who is it 'just sex' when it comes to me hit when you don't get off it's an issue"? And go from there 


ETA: her continually accusing you of cheating and checking your devices makes me think she is cheating

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## Wolowitz (Mar 27, 2016)

What you have here in sales terms is a classic case of false objections. I'm tired / busy / watching TV is not the real reason she does not want to have sex with you. Unless you find out what the real reasons are then doing something to fix it would be like shooting in the dark. It may well be that she has a low drive and can't be bothered. She gets 100% you get 5%. What motivation has she got to change anything? 

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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Who cares if she is cheating?
With a non- semen producing male? She is cheating with a EUNUCH?

If she ACTUALLY hates pre- semen, semen - then she hates everything about a man.

Is this for real?

I'm struggling that ANY man is buying the Semen is yucky excuse.

WTF is going on in that house?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

drewg350 said:


> Trust me: she's extremely jealous. I've caught her calling number's on my phone she doesn't recognize just to see if a girl answer's. She's actually called co-workers of mine asking if I've been screwing around. She's followed me before, just to see "if I'm really going to the gym". I could list another 50 examples. She's not doing it to control me, because all she gets is absolute misery when I blast her and she eventually finds out she's wrong. Just the other day she comes walking in and throws an Under Armour hair band at me and says "I found this under your passenger seat. Who have you been seeing ??" I tell her it must be one of our daughters. She checks and says "nope". Doesn't talk to me for two days, than comes up and says "it's my daughter's friends hairband". I ask her how she found out. She says "I sent pics of it to all our daughters friends mother's asking if any of them lost this hairband". She didn't do that because she wanted to return it. She did that because she was sure I was cheating on her. She immediately apologized. But this is just another example. She's never caught me cheating on her because I never have. I have a clear conscience.


Do you know that the majority of people who come here and write about jealous spouses come to find that it was actually their spouse who is the one cheating and trying to throw them off by using projection, jealousy, gaslighting, and deception?


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

This goes BEYOND -

This woman, wife and MOTHER hates semen?

Huh? This goes far beyond gaslighting, projection,jealousy and deception.

She can't stand A Man.

Does she have a boy baby?

No sex therapy, IC or MC or all three is gonna fix that aversion.

Get out Drewg.


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

Not liking sperm is an excuse, don't fixate on it. 


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Yeah- just ignore that function of basic human sex.
Pay no attention to the ejaculation wizard behind the curtain. Stop urinating while you are at it. Bowel movements? Menstruation, cancer, diabetes, MS, CP, COPD etc

If this is true- this wife/mother/ BFF has totally negated this man as a living being.

Carry on , Drewg


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Time to man up and leave!

Call a lawyer get your right.

Then move all your stuff into the area of the house where you will live until your divorce is final.
Don't tell her a word until she asks then say .....whats the big deal its only divorce.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Consequences? If she is to get alimony and child support do you think she'll be cowered?

There seems to be a bit more mental health pathology there, how's her self emotional control like?


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Who cares?she hates his manhood.
No amount of money is worth being told the sex you were born and the functions there of- are disgusting.

God- give her EVERYTHING- and embrace your bodily functions with someone, anyone , that appreciates and wants them to be a part of them.


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

sandcastle said:


> Yeah- just ignore that function of basic human sex.
> 
> Pay no attention to the ejaculation wizard behind the curtain. Stop urinating while you are at it. Bowel movements? Menstruation, cancer, diabetes, MS, CP, COPD etc
> 
> ...




Are you high? Where did I say ignore it?

The main issue is her rejection of HIM, not of his sperm.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

His sperm is HIM and I was in no way calling you out.

So no ,not high.

But thanks.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

My first wife didn’t like semen either. Go figured she liked roast beef though.

Either she is a lesbian or she doesn’t deserve you. While that guy who you called a douche was being kinda douchie, he had a point. You are so beta they named defunct recording technology after you.

Stop everything. No talkng or begging or any sort of communication from you is going to work. If she likes chicks (and don’t bet against that) then obviously you are done and she has wasted a lot of your time. If she likes **** but not yours, then forget her and focus on yourself. Time and time again, people have to realize that the only way to possibly get what you want is to risk losing it.

So, gtfo. Leave. Tell her you want a separation and focus on getting your own place, moving in with your parents, a buddy, whatever. If she asks why, tell her cause you are done with this. Then follow through. Be cold and calculating. Don’t bend to her crying or manipulation. It is hard, but dude, you haven’t been intimate with your wife in so long and she rolls over and doesn’t give a flying ****. Toughen up or live forever like this.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Drew /OP seems to have evaporated. 

IF his partner is truly disgusted/ can't have sex because of his ejaculate- he did not want to participate with the members advice he came looking for.

Good luck to Drewg.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

This isn't about semen. There is some deeper psychological issue going on here, and I do think it is about control. She enjoys the hurt that she causes by rejecting you. She enjoys the level of control that she has over you by making you perform unreciprocated foreplay tricks for her, like a slave. When she feels you're slipping out of that control, she'll obsessively audit your phone to make sure you're not stepping out of line. It's some kind of sick game that married adults should not be playing. She either needs therapy or you need a divorce.

But I encourage you to spend a week or so out of her control. Start the 180. She's likely to blow a gasket, but at least it might begin the process of resetting your marriage. But, as I say, she ultimately does need therapy to figure out why she does these things--just for the sake of her present and future relationships with people. My guess is you've seen this controlling behavior manifest itself with your daughters too, in some form. Is she always on top of them about their whereabouts? Helicoptering their homework?


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Great- it is her covert control at work- BUT-
Wifey tells Drew- his sperm is disgusting.
Can't have it on her or in her. Or the possibility of either being remotely Possible.

Nope- go to the toilet.


Drew is supposed to figure this out on on his own, while he takes care of business in the potty at the MC office or sex therapist office.

Gosh- hon- why do hate sperm and just told me after 20 years? Did you always hate sperm ? How did the 2 DD's work out for you?

I've heard and read a ton -this one takes the cake.

Best excuse Evah award- goes to The Wife of Drewg .


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Why not if it helps the problem?


Because it may help the problem, but only at the expense of creating another one. The physical sensation is quite different (for men) and different to the point for some men that it makes it not even worth having sex at all.

There’s nothing that compares to skin on skin, and this manifests not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

Condoms are a barrier method of birth control. If you don’t need birth control, they are just a barrier to intimacy.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Saying "I won't tolerate semen" is essentially saying, I'm not into men. If she can't stand your sex (male), it's impossible to be in a normal marriage. It's a sham. End it. Imagine if a guy told his wife, "I won't tolerate any vaginal secretions"? Immediate game over!!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

We all know it's not about her aversion to fluids.
She doesn't love her husband. Nothing he has written demonstrates anything she does to demonstrate her love. She is overprotective of him cheating.... well she should expect him to want some intimacy since she gives him zero. 
He needs to give her a simple option: she gives him sex, or she gets divorced. She won't, because she can't. She doesn't want to for whatever reason. 
The key here is if she doesn't, OP divorces her because he wants a relationship with some intimacy. And he is not wrong for that. She has obvious problems .

Any woman that accepts oral sex from her husband and sends him to the bathroom to masturbate afterward DESERVES to be divorced. I can think of few things more emasculating and cruel.

He needs to GET OUT. 

No need to make simple things complicated.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

Hi, just my opinion here....

I am a woman. I don't like my husband orgasming during oral, he knows it, so we finish with intercourse. Not a game changer or anything. Cum insider her? Seriously, is she OCD or something? Use the bathroom and clean up after sex. 

You wife is making excuses and I will go so far as to say she is selfish and a lazy lover. The question is: Why?

My guess is she is just not that into you, but does not want to change her situation. 

Sorry.

You have every right to be frustrated at her actions. My first move would be to stop satisfying her and to be very clear with her why. Sex is (generally) a mutual thing.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

drewg350 said:


> Trust me: she's extremely jealous. I've caught her calling number's on my phone she doesn't recognize just to see if a girl answer's. She's actually called co-workers of mine asking if I've been screwing around. She's followed me before, just to see "if I'm really going to the gym". I could list another 50 examples. *She's not doing it to control me*, because all she gets is absolute misery when I blast her and she eventually finds out she's wrong. Just the other day she comes walking in and throws an Under Armour hair band at me and says "I found this under your passenger seat. Who have you been seeing ??" I tell her it must be one of our daughters. She checks and says "nope". Doesn't talk to me for two days, than comes up and says "it's my daughter's friends hairband". I ask her how she found out. She says "I sent pics of it to all our daughters friends mother's asking if any of them lost this hairband". She didn't do that because she wanted to return it. She did that because she was sure I was cheating on her. She immediately apologized. But this is just another example. She's never caught me cheating on her because I never have. I have a clear conscience.


You could not be more wrong

55


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

So you are a fit guy, 40ish, in your prime and saddled with a woman that finds sex with you disgusting . Is that accurate because it is how it reads. i think she thinks YOU are cheating because you have every right to do so. What she is doing to you is awful and I and probably everyone else on this site is wondering why you put up with it.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

drewg350 said:


> Trust me: she's extremely jealous. I've caught her calling number's on my phone she doesn't recognize just to see if a girl answer's. She's actually called co-workers of mine asking if I've been screwing around. She's followed me before, just to see "if I'm really going to the gym". I could list another 50 examples. She's not doing it to control me, because all she gets is absolute misery when I blast her and she eventually finds out she's wrong. Just the other day she comes walking in and throws an Under Armour hair band at me and says "I found this under your passenger seat. Who have you been seeing ??" I tell her it must be one of our daughters. She checks and says "nope". Doesn't talk to me for two days, than comes up and says "it's my daughter's friends hairband". I ask her how she found out. She says "I sent pics of it to all our daughters friends mother's asking if any of them lost this hairband". She didn't do that because she wanted to return it. She did that because she was sure I was cheating on her. She immediately apologized. But this is just another example. She's never caught me cheating on her because I never have. I have a clear conscience.


If a man was doing this too his wife he would be labeled as an abuser and the wife would be refered to a women's abuse shelter and she would likely get abused women's benefits to leave him. 

I don't see how this is any different. The person you have a legal marital contract with (it's offensive to real wives to call her a wife) is clearly controlling, manipulative, selfish, entitled and abusive. 

Each day you remain in this situation is on you.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

uhtred said:


> Ignore people who tell you to "man up" etc. Your wife does not have a normal desire for sex. Unless she is willing to seek therapy to fix that, nothing you can do will change it.


"Man up" means to take initiative and take responsibility and take action for his own well being and his own needs. 

Right now he is spanking in the bathroom like a 12 year old boy because he is trying to please his momma by not letting a nasty ol' penis touch or getting any of his nasty semen on her. 

What grown man does that????

He needs to grow pair and take some initiative to meet his needs for love and affection and sexuality as a grown man. 

That means accepting that there may be some unpleasantness involved. It could mean that they as a couple have to face up to the fact that she does not respect him as a man and is not the least sexually attracted to him. 

That means that they may have to enter into marital and sex therapy. It may mean the both need to enter into IC. It may mean that he may have to choose between living a life in a sexless marriage or dissolving the marriage. 

It may mean that she has to choose between not touching a penis or getting divorced. 

It may mean she has to choose between not touching him or having him get his needs met else and have him come home and kiss her good night with the taste of another woman's jay-jay on his breath. 

An adolescent boy spanks behind the locked bathroom door so his momma doesn't find out about it or is bothered by it. 

An adult man takes responsibility and initiative to fulfil his needs as a man, even though some of those decisions may have some difficult and unpleasant ramifications in the near-term. 

So he does in fact need to pay attention to those who are telling him to grow up and make some adult decisions and take some definitive actions as a man.


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

At some point her will become resentful and lose interest n her so even if she changes it will be to late for them as a couple. If he wants his marriage to work he needs to be prepared to leave and she needs to know he is prepared and that he is seriously considering leaving. She needs a wake up call


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

Oops "he"


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

OP the wife snooping and calling numbers in your phone, the jealousy and so forth...is most likely deep down inside, she KNOWS what she is doing is wrong and hurting the relationship. She is afraid you will get your needs met elsewhere.....and to a certain point rightly so. 

Here is the thing though... its a sick, twisted (albeit rampant and common reaction) totally selfish mentality where you wife can not be honest with herself about what she is actually doing. Lets get this straight.....your wife thinks its abnormal for a man to crave sexual relations with his wife? what planet is she from?

The thing is, as you experiencing, pleading will get you nowhere. I don't really have a good solution for you because YOU CAN NOT fix someone else...THEY have to want to change. And in the nice little stable world your wife exists in that ain't gonna happen.

You have to rock the boat...and i mean violently. Go cold as ice on her. spend your free time on efforts, maybe a new hobby, on things that do not involve HER. I'm not saying be a rude jerk, but relationships are reciprocal and when its all one sided...this is where it gets you.

The saddest part is, some will never look at this as a fault of their own.....continue to blame you for your "unnecessary demands" and ride this into the ground and obliteration. That is what i see in your case.

Good luck to you and there are plenty of sexually aware females out there.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Old Texan proverb ~ "In terms of marriage or a committed relationship, "if you greatly desire to be eaten, then you had better get busy trying to eat somebody!" 

IMHO, if you're in any way, squeamish of or aversive to either your own or your mates bodily fluids, then marriage is so not for you!

Please keep in mind that the definition of "loneliness" is greatly defined as an odd number that is less than two!*


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

some of the most jealous and suspicious people on the planet are cheaters themselves. 

Her having an affair or being in love with someone else herself would explain all of this.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> some of the most jealous and suspicious people on the planet are cheaters themselves.
> 
> Her having an affair or being in love with someone else herself would explain all of this.


This is so true!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Uh, your wife hates Semen, especially appearing in whites?

Put on a Army camouflage uniform on. She won't see you cummin!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

drewg350 said:


> So my wife and I have been together for over 20 year's, high school sweethearts. Got married, had 2 beautiful daughters, we're both in our mid fourties. Sex has been rarely since we had kid's, but I've recently tried to rekindle the flame as the kid's are getting into high school and don't require as much from us. I've asked my wife in repeated conversations: what can I do to have you want me more, what turns you on, what are your fantasies, etc... I told her I'm willing to do whatever she desires. I've become incredibly affectionate, hugging her, kissing her, holding her hand through out the day, telling her how much I love her, and doing anything else she requests. She has gained about 20 lbs and I know she's not happy with her appearance, however, I always tell her how beautiful she is and how much I love her just the way she is. I tried to find out what turns her on or fantasies she may have, but she says "none".
> 
> I told her, I can pretend to be an ex-boyfriend, one night fling, a knight in shining armour, whatever. Nothing. I usually have to beg to get anything at night, and 9 times outta ten, I'm told before I even jump in bed "not tonight", "I'm tired", "I'm watching my show", "I want to play games on my phone", "on my period", "it's too late", "I feel ugly" and on and on. On the occasion I do get sex, this is how it always goes: I give her all the foreplay she wants, hugging, kissing, sucking on her breasts, and than she always asks me to go down on her, which I always do, getting her off once or twice. Than it's over. Nothing. No intercourse, no BJ, no HJ, nothing. I end up in the bathroom taking care of myself. Than we go to sleep. I've told her what I like, what turns me on (nothing outrageous), but she says sperm/precum is disgusting. She doesn't like to see it, touch it, would never have it in her mouth, and doesn't want it inside her. She get's completely grossed out by it. I'm at a complete loss. We discussed it and she said she just needs time, so I gave her another couple of months. Still nothing changes. I go down on her, get her off, and I go jerk myself off.
> 
> ...




- You sound just like myself and your wife is just like Mrs.CuddleBug. Uncanny similarities. Welcome to the club.


- When a woman has kids, this could permanently change her hormones and medication might be required to get her back to normal again. She might feel unsexy from the weight gain and therefore doesn't want you to see her naked or have much sex anymore. She may be scared of getting pregnant again as well.


- Remember, us guys don't go through any of these things like the ladies all do.


- Your main love language sounds like Physical, just like mine. Do the quiz. I'll bet you your wife's love language isn't physical at all.

Profiles Archive - The 5 Love Languages®


- Now when married, you aren't your own anymore. That means your wife is to take care of your needs as her own and you do the same for her. If you've talked to her about this and she isn't willing to meet you even half way, she is the problem and selfish. Not much you can do with a spouse like that besides buy yourself a really good sex toy, which is what I've done.


- Your wife's excuses and what she does is what Mrs.CuddleBug does as well.


- Mrs.CuddleBug's love language isn't physical.....its acts of service. I need everything physical and sexual were as she doesn't.


- The first time Mrs.CuddleBug gave me oral, I was about to orgasm in her mouth and I told her, you want me to pull out? She said no, go in my mouth and swallowed. She does this every time. Now the taste for her isn't peaches and cream, so I asked her what can I do? She said have her favorite drink nearby, chocolate almond milk. So after the oral, she has her favorite drink, even burps and laughs. We both laugh actually. This is a working solution for ladies who find sperm disgusting from oral.


- What your wife should be doing, instead of being comfy and doing nothing, which is lazy, go to a gym, weights and cardio, eat healthier, go to the family doctor and have her hormones checked, the weight will come off, she will be fit again, feel sexy again, and with possible medication, her hormones will be back to normal. This is all her choice though.


- There isn't too much you can really do, besides the sex toy for yourself and this way no cheating with another woman.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

She hates sex with men but expected very one-sided sexual service. She is extremely jealous without any reason to be. 

Honestly what makes it worth staying in this relationship. 

If the issue were simply her sexual aversion, that might be worth trying therapy. As I read this though she just sounds like an extremely selfish person.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Drewg350 Said: 

No offense, but you sound like a complete douche bag. I can imagine what kind of father you must/would be to your kid's if you'd leave your wife/wives within 8 week's of her not complying to your every demand. Must be a "one way street" in your house and the women that stay with you must be 100% willing to be your servant. I have two beautiful, young daughter's, who would be absolutely heartbroken if their father or mother choose to split up, let alone so quickly without trying to work things out. Outside of this issue, we actually get along great. I'm trying to work this out. I might not be able to, and if more time goes by and nothing changes, than I'll have to make a decision. Forgive me if my idea of marriage doesn't include instant divorce when problems arise.

Nah.. I'm a man that knows what I want, and I act accordingly. The thing with my first wife was just what you refuse to see in your wife: A woman that for whatever reasons stopped wanting sex "with me", and since I knew her pretty, pretty well I new what was coming: years and years of a sexless marriage. And you now what... I was 100% right. To this day, she never remarried. She is still my best friend and I had taken care of her every time she's in need.


As strong character as I am my wife adores me, and my daughters love and respect me. They do not consider me "a douche bag". I do not treat them like possessions, nor like we are in the military. I just do not let things that are out of my confort zone, get out of hand. If I have a problem, as part of tackling such problem is that I have the strength to be willing to lose it, if that is what it takes, because sometimes there is no solution and you need to be able to let go, and have the balls to do it. You in the other hand, based on your posts do not have the balls to act like an alpha man and do what needs to be done one way or another. You might eventually be able to do it, but only after years of letting your life passing you by. That's pitiful.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Rob_1 said:


> Nah.. I'm a man that knows what I want, and I act accordingly. The thing with my first wife was just what you refuse to see in your wife: A woman that for whatever reasons stopped wanting sex "with me", and since I knew her pretty, pretty well I new what was coming: years and years of a sexless marriage. And you now what... I was 100% right. To this day, she never remarried. She is still my best friend and I had taken care of her every time she's in need.
> 
> 
> As strong character as I am my wife adores me, and my daughters love and respect me. They do not consider me "a douche bag". I do not treat them like possessions, nor like we are in the military. I just do not let things that are out of my confort zone, get out of hand. If I have a problem, as part of tackling such problem is that I have the strength to be willing to lose it, if that is what it takes, because sometimes there is no solution and you need to be able to let go, and have the balls to do it. You in the other hand, based on your posts do not have the balls to act like an alpha man and do what needs to be done one way or another. You might eventually be able to do it, but only after years of letting your life passing you by. That's pitiful.



This ^^^^^^^
@drewg350

What Rob_1 said above is how it is.

I am sure he did not want to divorce and. I am sure he did not enjoy handing over checks to the lawyer and court. 

But he faced reality and did what was in the best interests and for the well being of both himself, his ex wife and his future wife.

That's right, I said in the best interests of his ex wife also. She was not attracted to him and did not want to have marital relations with him so it was in her best interests to not keep her yoked to a man that wanted to have sexual relations with her but for whom she did not desire. It was surely painful for them in the short term, but divorce was the wise, practical and beneficial thing for everyone in the long term. 

You may be miserable and dissatisfied in your situation, but you must also keep in mind that your wife must also be frustrated and dissatisfied as she is with a man for whom she has no desire, attraction or respect, but yet who is always trying to have sex with her. 

Your kids are also living in a household with chronic dissatisfaction, frustration, manipulation, disrespect and borderline abuse. What example is this setting for them? - that men should be weak, fearful supplicants and that women should be cold, manipulative, disrespectful beeotches that use their sexualities to torment their husbands and make them do their bidding.

What Rob did was not *********gery, it was what needed to be done for the long term betterment of all involved even though it involved some short term sadness and monetary expense.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> Uh, your wife hates Semen, especially appearing in whites?
> 
> Put on a Army camouflage uniform on. She won't see you cummin!


:surprise:

:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

Come on, it's just an excuse not to have sex with you. Leave her ass maybe she'lll smarten up.

Or put up with it. Those are your choices.

FWIW I don't like semen is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long time


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> some of the most jealous and suspicious people on the planet are cheaters themselves.
> 
> 
> 
> Her having an affair or being in love with someone else herself would explain all of this.




This is what I have been saying!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> Some of the most jealous and suspicious people on the planet are cheaters themselves.
> 
> Her having an affair or being in love with someone else herself would explain all of this.


*This is a totally plausible explanation, at least in my book!*


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

there can be MANY reasons.
She might be having an affair and does not want to cheat on her real partner
She became asexual or lesbian, and no longer wants men in general
her hormones have changed for whatever reason, and she needs HRT
She NEVER liked sex, but did it enthusiastically to get some kids. Now...she no longer needs sex, and stopped the act
She is taking some sort of medications that kill her libido
she has some past trauma, like sexual abuse, that subconsciously is killing her sex drive
she is just lazy, and will not lift a finger to help you out
she has some sort of bizarre religious background where sex is ONLY for making babies
She actually LOVES sex, but only ultra kinky perverted types, while you are offering only vanilla

did i leave some out?
Do some experimenting/snooping...go down the list, and figure out what the cause is. then you might have a chance of fixing it with targeted acts.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I kinda wonder, along the lines of @Talker67, is she having an affair. either with a male or a female? She could be making this cr*p up, just to put off the OP. Her fear of him cheating is actually a red flag.

Try to get her to work, kills some of her free time. I didn't catch the kids ages, but assuming school age, she has way too much free time.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Start going out with the guys for drinks, but don't cheat on her. She needs to be made to feel jealous. She needs to know that if she won't give it to you some one else will. Not all women are grossed out by semen, certainly not their own husbands semen. Do not go down on her, if your bodily fluids gross her out then she could keep her bodily fluids to her self. 
If sex is no big deal, then act like it isn't. Stop wanting it from her. If she asks if you want sex say I do I am really horny but I don't want sex with you. Turn this around and take charge. She has to change. If you can't have sex with your own wife and you can't have sex with anyone else, then you are being controlled. Break out of it.


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## Capster (Jun 10, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> The standard guides that people often reccomend here are the books "No More Mr Nice Guy" and "Married Man Sex Life Primer."
> 
> Read those two books cover to cover, then come back here and we can talk more.


Not necessarily in that order!

Can she change? Absolutely! But you can't _talk _her into it. The MMSLP book mentioned above is a program. His other book, "The Mindful Attraction Plan," may also be useful as a plan for you. It goes through stages where you tell her what you expect (i.e. meet your needs). But if she doesn't, then you go to the next step, which will have more serious ramifications. Unfortunately, if she refuses to meet your needs, the endgame will be for you to leave her. But right now, you're telling her you won't leave her or cheat, so there's no repercussion for her failure to meet your needs.

It is achievable. My W was in her 40's as well when we were going through similar issues. I was told specifically that she will never, ever give a BJ. Now I get them 3x per week. But it did take a process to go through as mentioned above. You have to stand up for yourself that you're not going to have your needs met by jacking off in a bathroom. In fact, why don't you just whip it out there in bed? I am dead serious.

I'd also sure as hell track her, especially while you're out of town. Something is not right there.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

If you have to divorce her, you gotta masturbate and save it up and give her the old "bucket of semen over the door" prank...

LMAO


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

I get the emotion behind it, but that is disgusting.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

drewg350 said:


> ......but *I've recently tried to rekindle the flame* as the kid's are getting into high school and don't require as much from us. *I've asked my wife in repeated conversations*: what can I do to have you want me more, what turns you on, what are your fantasies, etc... I told her I'm willing to do whatever she desires. *I've become incredibly affectionate, hugging her, kissing her, holding her hand through out the day, telling her how much I love her, and doing anything else she requests.* She has gained about 20 lbs and I know she's not happy with her appearance, however, *I always tell her how beautiful she is* and how much I love her just the way she is. I tried to find out what turns her on or fantasies she may have, but she says "none".
> 
> I told her, I can pretend to be an ex-boyfriend, one night fling, a knight in shining armour, whatever. Nothing.* I usually have to beg to get anything at night,* and 9 times outta ten,
> 
> ...





drewg350 said:


> .... I have a crazy schedule and are on call 24/7 pretty much. Go outta town 2 or 3 overnights a week. *But the time I'm home, we try and do everything together*. *Go walking almost every morning. Have dinner together whenever I'm home (roughly 4 day's a week).* We were getting along great, but I was building some resentment over this situation. Finally the other night, I'd had enough. Similar thing happened about two months ago. We talked about it, she said she needed time, but nothing changed.





drewg350 said:


> I'm not going to lie. I absolutely hate condoms. Haven't found one that even comes close to feeling the same. But even still, she won't get off from intercourse (which I understand, cause most women won't), and if I take care of her first, she's done. Doesn't want me touching her. Than if I do get my way, she's not into it at all, just wants to get it over with ASAP. Which than makes it difficult for me because I know she's miserable, and can't wait for me to finish, and wearing a condom just makes it even tougher and longer to finish. It totally SUCKS.


Have you ever thought that maybe you are pushing way too hard? 

Read the book NMMNG by Glover. Then think about what it means to be clingy. What it means to be co-dependent. What is means to be smothering. Then think about what Glover says about "covert contracts." 

A covert contract is where you say to yourself in your mind that if I do A, then my wife will finally want to have sex with me. She is your wife and knows you are just doing it to have sex with her and she isn't playing into your silly head game. In fact she resents it.


You have a choice. You can sit her down and tell her that you didn't swear vows of celibacy you swore vows of marriage. If she can't start being your wife in all senses of the word, then you want to stop being her husband in all sense of the word and find a woman who will love you for who your are.

I would wager that you and the way you have treated her in the past with your crazy schedule is part of the problem and that she has emotionally drifted away from you and emotionally checked out of your marriage. 

As to refusing to wear a condom.......for gosh sakes, be a man. I mean if you were going to bed some other woman (not saying you should while married), wouldn't you practice safe sex and wear a condom? 

At a minimum, I would suggest a sex therapist work with the two of you.

Good luck.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Holdingontoit said:


> I get the emotion behind it, but that is disgusting.


I suggest pre-warming it so the viscosity is correct...
👍😁


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

If OP ever comes back, he should try a simple experiment. 

Go down on her, get her very hot & bothered while maintaining your erection by whatever means necessary. Before she can orgasm, stand up, slip on a condom (have it open/prepped already) and put it on in full view. Then proceed to **** her silly. 

The result will be diagnostic: either you'll have confirmed her aversion and identified a temporary workaround, or you'll have blown up her ridiculous gas-lighting excuses. Either way, your path should become much clearer.


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

Actually, many women have an aversion to semen. 

Semen phobia is more common than you might think. 

Google: semen phobia and/or aversion to semen. 


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I doubt she is having an affair with another man. The dislike of semen is too specific. She might be gay. Or she might just have some aversion. 





naiveonedave said:


> I kinda wonder, along the lines of @Talker67, is she having an affair. either with a male or a female? She could be making this cr*p up, just to put off the OP. Her fear of him cheating is actually a red flag.
> 
> Try to get her to work, kills some of her free time. I didn't catch the kids ages, but assuming school age, she has way too much free time.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

uhtred said:


> I doubt she is having an affair with another man. The dislike of semen is too specific. She might be gay. Or she might just have some aversion.


The aversion may be real or she's using it as an excuse.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

She's had two children. Presumably she has received semen many more times than that en route to those pregnancies. This casts doubt on the hole general semen aversion hypothesis. This sort of phobia doesn't pop up overnight. Something else is going on here, either the so-called aversion is just a smokescreen, or there's an underlying cause that has evolve (which may also be driving the need for a smokescreen--as in she's only adverse to _his _semen). 

A general aversion spontaneously appearing at this stage of life seems highly unlikely.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

dianaelaine59 said:


> Actually, many women have an aversion to semen.
> 
> Semen phobia is more common than you might think.
> 
> ...


The only reason I do not believe this to be the case is because she is very anti pleasuring her husband in any fashion. If she was at all interested in pleasuring him, she would be willing to work him up until near completion and then let him take over. Or she would have already said, "just grab a condom". This woman doesn't want to do anything that will make HIM happy. :|


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He's married and relegated to taking matters in his own hands in the bathroom.
Suddenly after 2 kids he hears about her semen aversion?

Something semens strange here to me.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

drewg350 said:


> 9 times outta ten, I'm told before I even jump in bed "not tonight", "I'm tired", "I'm watching my show", "I want to play games on my phone", "on my period", "it's too late", "I feel ugly" and on and on. On the occasion I do get sex, this is how it always goes: I give her all the foreplay she wants, hugging, kissing, sucking on her breasts, and than she always asks me to go down on her, which I always do, getting her off once or twice. Than it's over. Nothing. No intercourse, no BJ, no HJ, nothing.


The good news is that you just made me feel better about my own life. 

Seriously, this is a pretty extreme example of selfishness.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> Something semens strange here to me.


At best, a sticky situation...


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

Primrose said:


> The only reason I do not believe this to be the case is because she is very anti pleasuring her husband in any fashion. If she was at all interested in pleasuring him, she would be willing to work him up until near completion and then let him take over. Or she would have already said, "just grab a condom". This woman doesn't want to do anything that will make HIM happy. :|




Yes, I do understand that. 


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

drewg350 said:


> I go down on her, get her off, and I go jerk myself off.


So you're in your late 30s and you're putting up with this ****? Do yourself a favor dude before its too late and your dating pool shrinks....

Go find another woman who will happily gargle your semen like mouthwash rather than continue to be this cruel woman's LAPDOG.

What the **** do you need her for? You can jerkoff single. Who stole your damn dignity? Reading your story has me shaking my head.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'm still trying to get my head around this scenario.... he gives her cunnilingus until she o's, then she says "no, I don't want your nasty semen". So he then goes and does his thing..
How you can possibly accept this is mindboggling. You 
Yet have the patience of Job or the codependency is strong....

I don't know you. But I can say this with confidence: You can find a woman who will have sex with you.

Find your anger. If you're this scared of being alone, go cheat. Any woman that would be this cruel, should have no complaints.
She should be EXPECTING you to leave her. Sounds like she is. But only scared of losing her wallet. You are her wallet. That's all.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

uhtred said:


> I doubt she is having an affair with another man. The dislike of semen is too specific. She might be gay. Or she might just have some aversion.


This supposed semen aversion isn't real.
It's one of many excuses she uses to not touch him.

If she is having an A, she is getting facials, swallowing and getting filled to the brim by the OM.

It's Drew's semen and everything else that she has the aversion to.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I finally met someone else married to a woman who finds semen disgusting. In fact, so much that she eventually turned to women for sex. For 30 years she had a steady girlfriend who lived with us on an off. I was given full access to her girlfriend and was in over 1,000 threesomes with them and a few other women. Not a bad deal and my wife opened up about sex since she now had competition and did all but intercourse which was mostly due to her medical issues down there which she thought that intercourse made worse. Due to no expectation of intercourse and no semen involved, my wife leans more towards women for sex. She tried other guys in some group sex with me but hated it. Never had an orgasm with them so she swore off other guys and told me I would be her one and only male. With me she orgasms in under 3 minutes most times and they are intense and multiple. I am lucky to have a woman who can orgasm if you just look at it. ")

So it was a trade off but a good one. The problems started when we moved away from our long time girlfriend. Sex was very infrequent and my wife had me put down towels and tried to sanitize sex so that my semen would not land on her or the sheets. That proved unsatisfying for me so we looked for a fetish that we both would enjoy. It turned out to be something I thought was very stupid, chastity play. For us it is basically teasing and denial. We have sex frequently but my wife will edge me to the brink but not let me ejaculate. It is addictive. It is basically like Tantric or Karezza sex. When she wanted to deny me an oragasm for longer and longer periods of time, I bought a custom made chastity device that locks on. Something else I thought was stupid but have worn for the last 5 years. 

I go about 3-4 months without an orgams and my wife loves it. She laughs out loud when she brings me to begging. As a result of not having to worry about semen she is having some of the best orgasms of her life at 65. Her eyes roll back in her head and her body spasms from head to toe leaving her exhausted. Plus she masturbates a few nights a week. Sex is mostly her and her vibrator. She says no man or woman can consistently give her orgasms as BOB can; Battery Operated Buddy. I do perform oral on her for special occasions. She will perform oral on me much more than before because she does not have to worry about me coming in her mouth anymore. She is really enjoying sex now. My attitude is that I was in close to or over 2,000 threesomes with her. She never dated women or had a romance with them. She also never had sex with a woman unless I took part if only just to watch. She said it felt like cheating if I was not part of it. For that and full access to her hot girlfriend for 30 years, even without my wife joining in, I owe her big time and so I do not mind what we are doing now. I am old, have ED not Viagra rarely helps, much lower libido and other medical and medicine issues that mess with my sex drive and performance.. 

No regrets. My wife tried every fetish I asked her too and did stuff like sex in the back of a limo and in public places hidden from view. We did the usual sex on a beach which I do not recommend. Sand is in the air and makes everything feel like sandpaper. She would dress like a hooker in Las Vegas so we could pretend I was a John. She would lay in the bed naked when room service set up our table in the hotel and much, much more. We had lots of fun, sexual and otherwise and she has been a great wife to me. She often places my needs before hers and I gave up trying to break her of that habit. Not many wives will ask their best friend to have sex with their husband to provide what they could not. That is my wife and if I have to give up some orgasms to make her happy, I am glad to do it. 

You seem to have not found a way around the problem. My wife solved it in a wonderful and exciting way. There are sexual fetishes that do not involve ejaculation and I lived very well without intercourse. There is a lot of stuff you still can do. For a long time we had sex and then my wife would tell me to masturbate and either watch of leave the room. It was part of our BDSD fetish so it blended in well with her sexual domination of me. Outside of the bedroom our roles were reversed though. In other words we loved each other enough to find a way to make it work.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Halloween is coming up, get this Super Sperm costume, and chase her around the house in it!

https://www.futurememories.com/fm-fw-5467.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIhczwxZ721gIV0LrACh2EegBrEAQYAiABEgLM4vD_BwE


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There is more to life than sex. Its important but its not the only thing. Maybe there are other reasons he wants to stay. 



Evinrude58 said:


> I'm still trying to get my head around this scenario.... he gives her cunnilingus until she o's, then she says "no, I don't want your nasty semen". So he then goes and does his thing..
> How you can possibly accept this is mindboggling. You
> Yet have the patience of Job or the codependency is strong....
> 
> ...


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

uhtred said:


> There is more to life than sex. Its important but its not the only thing. Maybe there are other reasons he wants to stay.


There's more to a car than just the transmission.

But without a transmission, the car is going nowhere.


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> This supposed semen aversion isn't real.
> 
> It's one of many excuses she uses to not touch him.
> 
> ...




Actually it is real to many ....

Not saying the lack of having sex with her husband is right, it's NOT. But the phobia and aversion is real to many women AND even men. 


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

dianaelaine59 said:


> Actually it is real to many ....
> 
> Not saying the lack of having sex with her husband is right, it's NOT. But the phobia and aversion is real to many women AND even men.
> 
> ...


It may be real for some women, but evidence would indicate otherwise for the woman mentioned in this thread--who had a longstanding sexual relationship with her husband, gave birth to multiple children, and then apparently rather suddenly, decided she had an aversion. Where did this come from all of a sudden? Is it possible that it showed up overnight? I'm not a professional psychologist, so I can't say, but it seems fishy. It seems much more likely that either it's bull or if real, the underlying cause is not good (possibly infidelity related). A woman doesn't just wake up one day and decide for the first time she's averse to her husbands fluids.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Rob_1 said:


> When my first wife had me for almost *two and a half months* without sex. I dump her *immediately*.


Immediately or after two and a half months? 
But yes, I agree - it's utterly unacceptable if that's a real story (OP's story). You might not have many options left but drown her in semen  Joking - she does sound completely selfish though.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

dianaelaine59 said:


> Actually, many women have an aversion to semen.
> 
> Semen phobia is more common than you might think.
> 
> ...


I read about that Dianaelaine.....it normally occurs when they say i do and the rings are exchanged....

and if i recall the same article it also coincides when they give up BJs and anything else they did before marriage. 

;-)

BTW i believe the medical term is called deceptivus practicus


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

drewg350 said:


> Trust me: she's extremely jealous. I've caught her calling number's on my phone she doesn't recognize just to see if a girl answer's. She's actually called co-workers of mine asking if I've been screwing around. She's followed me before, just to see "if I'm really going to the gym". I could list another 50 examples. She's not doing it to control me, because all she gets is absolute misery when I blast her and she eventually finds out she's wrong. Just the other day she comes walking in and throws an Under Armour hair band at me and says "I found this under your passenger seat. Who have you been seeing ??" I tell her it must be one of our daughters. She checks and says "nope". Doesn't talk to me for two days, than comes up and says "it's my daughter's friends hairband". I ask her how she found out. She says "I sent pics of it to all our daughters friends mother's asking if any of them lost this hairband". She didn't do that because she wanted to return it. She did that because she was sure I was cheating on her. She immediately apologized. But this is just another example. She's never caught me cheating on her because I never have. I have a clear conscience.


I am sorry to say this but someone who's *that* jealous is much more likely to cheat themselves. Typical behaviour characteristics of a hypocrite. Just be careful.

The other thing: I am not sure you realise the scope of the problem if you think it's something you can just 'work out'. Not desiring someone (but only receiving and receiving) and acting that selfishly is not going to change overnight (or possibly at all).

What would happen if you tell her that you are leaving her (bluffing) because you can't live under this arrangement anymore? You are basically her cuckold at the moment.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Geez, I thought my situation is messed up, no sex for me for seven years now. But this situation takes the cake. The level of selfishness/lack of empathy and remorse required for this wife to continually do this over and over and over again is completely unacceptable. Then to act jealous on top if it all? It's like she's trying to continually redirect his attention, keep him looking left so that he doesn't see what's dead center then when attention is brought to her she insinuates she'll file for divorce? She is a ***** to the nth degree.

OP, please wake up. She doesn't care for you one little bit.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

dianaelaine59 said:


> Actually it is real to many ....
> 
> Not saying the lack of having sex with her husband is right, it's NOT. But the phobia and aversion is real to many women AND even men.
> 
> ...


It may be real to a few people scattered here and there throughout the world, but if they want to remain married, they find constructive ways to work with their partners so that it is a mutually beneficial relationship and so their partner isn't giving them their orgasm then spanking in the bathroom.

You have to look at this situation in context with the bigger picture of their relationship.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

drewg350 doesn't seem to be around lately. I am guessing he found the advice too strong OR his W found this forum and made him stop posting.

We can have our opinions and keep this thread going but with out drewg350, what is the point?


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

uhtred said:


> I doubt she is having an affair with another man. The dislike of semen is too specific. She might be gay. Or she might just have some aversion.


red herring. She is using this as an excuse. Best lies are those that are specific, so they are easy to remember. Not saying she is or isn't having an affair, but there are a lot of red flags.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

She said semen is yucky and acts like semen is yucky, and refuses to engage in yucky things that could produce semen.


Who cares what her side- piece could be or is?

The OP is a self admitted specimen that has a partner that is disgusted by HIS sex.

Nothing to see- move along folks.


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## Don't Panic (Apr 2, 2017)

Steve1000 said:


> The good news is that you just made me feel better about my own life.
> 
> Seriously, this is a pretty extreme example of selfishness.


Quote:
Originally Posted by drewg350 View Post
9 times outta ten, I'm told before I even jump in bed "not tonight", "I'm tired", "I'm watching my show", "I want to play games on my phone", "on my period", "it's too late", "I feel ugly" and on and on. On the occasion I do get sex, this is how it always goes: I give her all the foreplay she wants, hugging, kissing, sucking on her breasts, and than she always asks me to go down on her, which I always do, getting her off once or twice. Than it's over. Nothing. No intercourse, no BJ, no HJ, nothing.

My thoughts exactly...*EXTREMELY SELFISH*
Hell to the no


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Seriously divorce her or at least take a lover. She sounds horrible.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't think we can tell from here. 

She could be mostly lesbian, was willing to put up with yucky things in order to have children. 




naiveonedave said:


> red herring. She is using this as an excuse. Best lies are those that are specific, so they are easy to remember. Not saying she is or isn't having an affair, but there are a lot of red flags.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

uhtred said:


> I don't think we can tell from here.
> 
> She could be mostly lesbian, was willing to put up with yucky things in order to have children.


true, but it doesn't mean it is or isn't a red herring. I don't think the OP can really throw out any possibility....


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

uhtred said:


> I don't think we can tell from here.
> 
> She could be mostly lesbian, was willing to put up with yucky things in order to have children.


When I was 22 and young and naïve, I started seeing a woman that was a few years older than me. I didn't know anything about her past other than she had dated some guys here and there. 

But she was always with this pack of woman that everyone in the world but me knew were all lesbians. 

Everyone kind of looked at me funny and seemed surprised that she and I were dating. To everyone else in the world we seemed to be the Odd Couple. 

Over time (as in a few years; I was a slow learner) it was becoming apparent that there was something "off" in our relationship and there were several red flags flapping in the wind that I was finally becoming able to see. 

Eventually.......you guessed it..... she left me for another woman. 

Now don't get me wrong, I was bummed. But I wasn't shocked, I wasn't horrified, I wasn't angry, bitter or resentful at all. We actually remained on pretty friendly terms and loosely kept in touch for a number of years until my wife and I became engaged. 

But when I found out about the other woman it suddenly all made sense and became chrystal clear. 

There is no doubt in my mind that she was always a lesbian and always will be on that side of the fence. Where I think I fit in to that whole thing was I believe that she wanted the little house with the white picket fence, the 2.2 kids and the dog, and I was simply her ticket for getting that........it just didn't work out that way and she couldn't fight her true nature any longer. 

But here's the catch - She loved cumshots!!!! 

Yes, you read that right. she loved my (0(/ and she loved making me cum. She liked to watch it and liked having it shot on her and in her and everything else. She did not swallow and did not like me to finish in her mouth, but she enjoyed going down on me and would go down on me every single time we had sex.......which was a lot. She was actually a very good and enthusiastic lover. 

She was definitely more oriented to being with woman and that is obviously her true orientation. But she did like penises and she did like semen. 

She may prefer chicks....but real penises and semen are two things that she could never get from a woman. 

So I guess what I am saying is lesbianism and penis/semen aversion do not go hand in hand at all. 

I'm sure there are some man-hating lesbians out there that hate everything about men including that. 

But when you look at the big picture of Drew's situation, this has nothing to do with not liking semen. That is just one of a thousand excuses she throws at him for being a selfish, boorish, castrating, emasculating beeotch that manipulates him and does not have an ounce of respect for him but still wants him to pay the bills and help babysit. 

We don't know if she is having an affair or not, but if she is, I would bet my last dollar she is digging her OM's semen on her and in her and everywhere else. 

This case is not about semen. That is one big red herring here.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The reasons behind the fact that she won't have sex with her husband are unimportant in my opinion. 
What is important is she has complete apathy toward her husband. She is selfish beyond compare to do as she's done and said what she has said. 

OP really needs to ask himself if he wants to masturbate the rest of his life because his wife has zero romantic feelings for him, and zero empathy.

And finally, he needs to ask himself what he's willing to do about it.

I think 99% of us know what he SHOULD do.


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> The reasons behind the fact that she won't have sex with her husband are unimportant in my opinion.
> 
> What is important is she has complete apathy toward her husband. She is selfish beyond compare to do as she's done and said what she has said.
> 
> ...




Now THIS I agree with!


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## Capster (Jun 10, 2014)

There were some harsh posts directed towards OP earlier in this thread, which may have scared him off. But those harsh words were justified. I've read thousands of threads over the past decade as I worked through my own issues, and OP's case was one of the most egregious I've seen.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I am going to toss out a few thoughts about what might be going on.

First, it sounds like she thinks you have been cheating on her, although you say you haven't. In this day and age of "lifetime STD/STI's," bodily fluids from a cheating spouse can be a serious health risk. Have you ever asked her if that is the problem and she and you would get tested for STD's?

Second, there is this process called aversion therapy that allows people with fear of heights, fear of spiders, fear of snakes to get over those fears. Have you ever talked to her about the two of you investigating an aversion therapy course and maybe doing some "home schooling" on it so the two of you can again become lovers?

Third, some women really are OCD neat freaks. If they are going have sex they want a hand towel, washcloth by the bed to clean you and her up afterwards. Some women immediately want to go to the bathroom (not just to reduce the chance of a UTI, but to "wipe up."), some absolutely hate the idea of a "wet spot" and/or sleeping one it. Some are horrible embarrassed when it is time to get rid of the old mattress to see how badly it is stained and want no part in the disposal of the old mattress. 

Finally David Schnarch has a good section in Passionate marriage about sex and the Ick factor. He talks about how sex is basically pretty disgusting if you look at it objectively. For example, the idea of French Kissing or exchanging spit/saliva with someone is hardly appealing. However, when young and dating everyone you know does deep French kissing with their boy/girl friends, so you are under pressure to conform. You emotionally/mentally prepare yourself for it, kiss, open your mouth and explore....the feelings are kind of OK. After you do it a few times, you feel you own the move and it sure makes a big difference between the kinds of kisses you share with your parents and siblings.

He also describes intercourse and basically goes through his steps on doing things that are a stretch for you to please a spouse. You basically practice small parts, say kissing lips closed, until you master the skills associated with that step. Then you once you are comfortable with that step you go a step farther, maybe a much more open mouth kissed. Then later you and your partner use your tongues to stimulate each other's mouth/tongue. He describes a process of breaking things down by parts, mastering the parts, self-soothing yourself so you can do the next step and then convincing yourself that it was OK and that the move/act is now something you have mastered and can enjoy and own in the right circumstances. 

Good luck with her Semen aversion.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

She wasn't semen averse when she wanted to get pregnant....


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Young at Heart said:


> First, it sounds like she thinks you have been cheating on her, although you say you haven't. In this day and age of "lifetime STD/STI's," bodily fluids from a cheating spouse can be a serious health risk. Have you ever asked her if that is the problem and she and you would get tested for STD's?
> 
> 
> 
> .


She has so little respect or regard for him or his manhood, I doubt if she thinks he's even capable of cheating his way out of a wet paper bag. 

Women that have this level of disrespect and lack of attraction for their H often do not think their H is even capable of attracting or getting with another woman. 

That is why they act the way they do with such impunity. They think (or even know) that their H will never leave them and will never get with another woman so they feel emboldened to walk all over them and treat them with such disregard. 

She's not actually jealous or suspicious of him. Her acts of suspicion are actually a form of manipulation and mental abuse to keep him in his place. This is a form of controlling and abuse and not an actual concern of him cheating. 

A woman that thinks her H is capable of attracting another woman does not send him into the bathroom to spank after she has gotten hers.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Where is the OP?

Was this a ruse?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Capster said:


> There were some harsh posts directed towards OP earlier in this thread, which may have scared him off. But those harsh words were justified. I've read thousands of threads over the past decade as I worked through my own issues, and OP's case was one of the most egregious I've seen.


I think there are 3 basic types of people that post on forums like this. 

There are those that just want to vent and get things off their chest. They typically just want others to boo their tormentors and cheer them for their endurance and sacrifice.

And there are those that want a magic sentence or phrase that they can tell the other party that will make them transform into who they want them to be. 

And there are those that actually want some real-world advice on how move forward and get themselves out of the dilemma that they are in. 

I think Drew was in the first category; perhaps a little bit of the second. 

I think a lot of these beta boys want a grandmother figure to tell them that they are being a good boy and that some day these women will warm up and treat them kindly for all of their supplication and for suppressing their evil sexual urges for all of these years. 

When they are instead told that they have to stand up for themselves and take actions that will cause some discomfort and disruption, they run back under cover and seek the messages that they are used to that says they need to be 'nice' and do what the nice lady says if they want a lollipop.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

Sorry everyone for not posting sooner. As I mentioned in my original post, my job takes me out of town, overnight, several times a week. I've been home for 12 hours and right back out for 30+ hours the last few days so I haven't had time to come back here and post. First off, let me thank everyone who took their time to post. I was overwhelmed when I logged on and saw so many pages of posts. Thank you all. So let me fill you in on the last few days.
Obviously, being with this women for well over twenty five years, going back to high school, our history together is extensive. When I initially posted, I was extremely upset, and it was immediately after our last "bedtime". I wanted to be as short and concise as possible when I initially posted. Obviously I couldn't include our history together for all these year's, but let me try and clear a few things up. 

First off, my wife graduated college and had a professional career. She's worked full time for over 23 years, only giving up her job and moving from NJ to MN so she could be a "stay at home mom". My wife supported me financially for approximately ten year's as I started my business. She has only stopped working the past two years, with myself being the current "bread winner". So please don't think she's some kind of "leech". She'd go back to work tomorrow if I asked her to or if we required it financially. Luckily we don't. She has definitely pulled her fair share of the finances since before we married. 

Second, while I've NEVER cheated on my wife, I have not been an "angel". I used her credit (unknowingly) when I started my business and I've given her more than enough reasons to "mistrust" me in other area's. I definitely made some serious mistakes. 

Third, up until 2 year's ago, I spent the majority of the last 7 years out of state, working in MN, IA, SD, ND, and WI, as my wife raised our daughter's in NJ. I'd only be home three times a year, each year, during those 5 years. Neither one of us strayed and we talked everyday. Neither one of us wanted her to give up her career or move the kids from state to state, school to school, without having any family support, like we have in NJ. 
Obviously sex was not something we were able to have much of during these 5 years apart. 

There's obviously alot more history I could go into, but I don't want this to become a book. But after reading alot of these responses, I felt it necessary to post some additional information. My wife isn't some horrible "witch", and I'm definitely not a "saint". So getting back to the past few day's. After that night where I was incredibly resentful and hurt, we had it out. Big time. Yelling, screaming, she was crying, and I unloaded. I told her everything. Than I had to leave to go out of town for a day and a half. When I got to my hotel, I did something I haven't done in probably over 25 years. I wrote her a letter (email). I found it was much easier to put down in words how I felt about her, our relationship, sex, her adversity to semen, how it made me feel, etc.... To my surprise, she responded back and we continued to talk to each other via email. I know, sounds ridiculous. But it really seemed to allow both of us to express our thoughts and feelings much better. There was no screaming, arguing, yelling, or walking out on each other. This went on all night. She told me things about how she felt and what was bothering her for year's. How unloved she felt and how I seemed so cold and hard. She always said I showed zero emotion, had no empathy towards anyone, and showed very little love. So when I decided to try and change our relationship several month's ago, she didn't know if it was for real, or just a fad that would pass in a few day's / weeks / or month's. She said because of the things I've done in the past, she has a significant amount of mistrust, resentment, and actual hatred towards me. We discussed sex, what I wanted, she wanted, and how we could try and both get past the resentment and hurt we were both experiencing. I got home the following night, very late, like 2 AM and climbed into bed. My wife actually held me for the first time in a very long time and I reciprocated. The next morning I woke up to her naked, sitting alongside me, and her performing oral sex on me. After awhile, I was going to go down on her. She said "no. You've done that enough for me", and than climbed on top and we had the best sex we've had in many, many, years. When I was about to finish, I was going to pull out, and she said "nope" and I let go inside her. It was incredible. We both felt closer to each other than we have been in twenty years. 
I realize we have ALOT more things to work out and it's going to take some time. Being together for so long and having kids, made walking away incredibly difficult. I've always felt marriage is a commitment, and divorce is a failure. Unfortunately I didn't realize it's the relationship that takes serious commitment. Our living together wasn't a marriage. We were more like roommates than married to each other. I'm not going to fool myself and think "ok. Everythings fixed", but I am motivated to change and I'm hoping she is too. It's almost like her responses towards me these past year's were caused by my actions towards her, if that makes any sense. If she doesn't feel love, support, security, and as a priority to me, than she's not going to make me feel that way either. It's definitely a huge "give and take". I know there's blame on both sides, and plenty to go around, but I am going to give it my best and see where it goes. Maybe I'm a fool. Maybe I'm wrong. But I will post and let you know regardless. 
So this has been long enough. I appreciate everyone's help. I plan on posting on this forum and perhaps I can help someone else out with some of my experiences. Thanks again to everyone who took their time to post. I really appreciate your input.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

[/quote]

Have you ever thought that maybe you are pushing way too hard? 

I would wager that you and the way you have treated her in the past with your crazy schedule is part of the problem and that she has emotionally drifted away from you and emotionally checked out of your marriage. 

Good luck.[/QUOTE]


BINGO !!!!! I believe you are 1000% correct. She was punishing me for treating her ****ty. We were both "checked out of our marriage", and when I decided to change that, she wasn't willing to accept my attempts as being sincere or real. I've spent alot of time the past couple of months trying to better understand women's needs, so I could change my current situation. I've been on forums, reading books, watching videos, etc... Not about sex. But about relationships and what women require/want in order to give you uncontested love. I've never shown many feelings of love, empathy, or sentiment. I've always been, as she put, "a rock". Unmovable. Unfazed by anything. I don't hold grudges. I like to forgive and forget, and move on. I can fall asleep in 2 minutes, no matter how upset I am usually, and wake up the following morning and not even give it a second thought. I don't ever like to look back, but always forward. My wife isn't like that. She tends to takes days, sometimes weeks, to get over serious things that bother her. I figured a couple of months of change on my part would make her change. But she needs more time. That's just a difference between her and I. But it does seem to me after talking to her that it really wasn't much of a "sperm aversion", but an aversion to the way I was treating her, and she wasn't going to give any of herself to me emotionally. Not yet anyway.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

drewg350 said:


> Sorry everyone for not posting sooner. As I mentioned in my original post, my job takes me out of town, overnight, several times a week. I've been home for 12 hours and right back out for 30+ hours the last few days so I haven't had time to come back here and post. First off, let me thank everyone who took their time to post. I was overwhelmed when I logged on and saw so many pages of posts. Thank you all. So let me fill you in on the last few days.
> Obviously, being with this women for well over twenty five years, going back to high school, our history together is extensive. When I initially posted, I was extremely upset, and it was immediately after our last "bedtime". I wanted to be as short and concise as possible when I initially posted. Obviously I couldn't include our history together for all these year's, but let me try and clear a few things up.
> 
> First off, my wife graduated college and had a professional career. She's worked full time for over 23 years, only giving up her job and moving from NJ to MN so she could be a "stay at home mom". My wife supported me financially for approximately ten year's as I started my business. She has only stopped working the past two years, with myself being the current "bread winner". So please don't think she's some kind of "leech". She'd go back to work tomorrow if I asked her to or if we required it financially. Luckily we don't. She has definitely pulled her fair share of the finances since before we married.
> ...


Glad to hear. Keep up the emails when your away!!! 

Good luck.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

drewg350 said:


> Sorry everyone for not posting sooner. As I mentioned in my original post, my job takes me out of town, overnight, several times a week. I've been home for 12 hours and right back out for 30+ hours the last few days so I haven't had time to come back here and post. First off, let me thank everyone who took their time to post. I was overwhelmed when I logged on and saw so many pages of posts. Thank you all. So let me fill you in on the last few days.
> Obviously, being with this women for well over twenty five years, going back to high school, our history together is extensive. When I initially posted, I was extremely upset, and it was immediately after our last "bedtime". I wanted to be as short and concise as possible when I initially posted. Obviously I couldn't include our history together for all these year's, but let me try and clear a few things up.
> 
> First off, my wife graduated college and had a professional career. She's worked full time for over 23 years, only giving up her job and moving from NJ to MN so she could be a "stay at home mom". My wife supported me financially for approximately ten year's as I started my business. She has only stopped working the past two years, with myself being the current "bread winner". So please don't think she's some kind of "leech". She'd go back to work tomorrow if I asked her to or if we required it financially. Luckily we don't. She has definitely pulled her fair share of the finances since before we married.
> ...


Fantastic news. I too find writing things down very helpful. Keep up the good work.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

drewg350 said:


> Third, up until 2 year's ago, I spent the majority of the last 7 years out of state, working in MN, IA, SD, ND, and WI, as my wife raised our daughter's in NJ. I'd only be home three times a year, each year, during those 5 years. Neither one of us strayed /QUOTE]
> 
> Wow.
> 
> ...


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## Don't Panic (Apr 2, 2017)

You may find the relationship building books that are recommended on this site helpful-His Needs, Her Needs. Love Busters. 5 Love Languages. etc 
Hope the positive trend continues for you both!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

drewg350 said:


> But it does seem to me after talking to her that it really wasn't much of a "sperm aversion", but an aversion to the way I was treating her...



Does the sperm become less ‘aversive’ when you feel you are treating her better??

Look, it has been my experience from reading these boards that more often than not, guys who tend to look more inwards, think hard about how and whether they treat their partners well and blame themselves a lot (for not much of factual reasons) for their partner’s lack of affection, compassion and bother towards the relationship; it basically is usually just a way to justify their partner’s cold behaviour to themselves. (Obviously works the other way around as well and with reversed sexes).

Can you be more specific how you think you may have mistreated her that you deserve to be completely cut off from her ever show you any affection towards you?



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

drewg350 said:


> ......*I realize we have ALOT more things to work out* and it's going to take some time. Being together for so long and having kids, made walking away incredibly difficult. I've always felt *marriage is a commitment, and divorce is a failure.* Unfortunately I didn't realize it's *the relationship that takes serious commitment. Our living together wasn't a marriage. We were more like roommates* than married to each other.
> 
> I'm not going to fool myself and think "ok. Everythings fixed", but *I am motivated to change and I'm hoping she is too.* It's almost like her responses towards me these past year's were caused by my actions towards her, if that makes any sense. If she doesn't feel love, support, security, and as a priority to me, than she's not going to make me feel that way either. It's definitely a huge "give and take". *I know there's blame on both sides, and plenty to go around, *but I am going to give it my best and see where it goes. Maybe I'm a fool. Maybe I'm wrong. But I will post and let you know regardless.
> 
> So this has been long enough. I appreciate everyone's help. I plan on posting on this forum and perhaps I can help someone else out with some of my experiences. Thanks again to everyone who took their time to post. I really appreciate your input.


You sound like you have figured out the core goal and that is to rebuild your marriage. If so, having been there, may I suggest that you and your wife find some time for each other and after you have found time for each other that you find time to go to marriage counseling together. If that seems too daunting, try a Gottman Art and Science of Love weekend. They are available all over the country and require a full two days. They are expensive, but pretty amazing.

Good luck


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

syhoybenden said:


> Maybe it's just your sperm she doesn't like.


BINGO

Bonding with another male WOULD explain why she’s repulsed by OP’s love juices.

In her mind, she’s cheating on her AP. I’ve seen it first hand, chemical bonds are real.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

inmyprime said:


> drewg350 said:
> 
> 
> > But it does seem to me after talking to her that it really wasn't much of a "sperm aversion", but an aversion to the way I was treating her...
> ...


I suppose if you'd like to hear a laundry list of negative behavior on my part through out the year's, I could post it. But suffice to say, I have been very cold, unattentive, and have done a lot of bad thing's to her in the past. Her aversion to my sperm/bodily fluids, was really her aversion to ME. She didn't feel "connected" to me, unloved, and she didn't/doesn't trust me. I'm a guy and look at things as a guy. For me (and I believe most guy's), I can have sex anywhere, any time. The slightest sexual thought or vision and I'm ready to go. For my wife, she requires more affection, cuddling, holding each other, and to feel loved, needed, connected, etc... I obviously wasn't providing any of that to her, and in turn, she only worried about herself. She was actually going out of her way to treat me bad. I'm pretty damm sure from the last few days that as long as I really want to improve our relationship, put her first, prove to her how much I love her, she will reciprocate in spades. We'll see. If we were simply dating for a few months or even year's, I would've walked away (and she probably would've too) and been done. I'm learning the female psychy is alot different than mine/males. I definitely will update in the coming weeks, as I have lots of time in the hotel. Thanks again to all.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

drewg350 said:


> I suppose if you'd like to hear a laundry list of negative behavior on my part through out the year's, I could post it. But suffice to say, I have been very cold, unattentive, and have done a lot of bad thing's to her in the past. Her aversion to my sperm/bodily fluids, was really her aversion to ME. She didn't feel "connected" to me, unloved, and she didn't/doesn't trust me. I'm a guy and look at things as a guy. For me (and I believe most guy's), I can have sex anywhere, any time. The slightest sexual thought or vision and I'm ready to go. For my wife, she requires more affection, cuddling, holding each other, and to feel loved, needed, connected, etc... I obviously wasn't providing any of that to her, and in turn, she only worried about herself. She was actually going out of her way to treat me bad. I'm pretty damm sure from the last few days that as long as I really want to improve our relationship, put her first, prove to her how much I love her, she will reciprocate in spades. We'll see. If we were simply dating for a few months or even year's, I would've walked away (and she probably would've too) and been done. I'm learning the female psychy is alot different than mine/males. I definitely will update in the coming weeks, as I have lots of time in the hotel. Thanks again to all.



It’s possible of course and I’m not in your relationship to know the ins and outs etc. Let us know how you get on and if anything changes on her part.

When you write that she goes out of her way ‘to treat you bad’, does it mean that sometime in the past she was significantly different and put your sexual needs first?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

drewg350 said:


> > Have you ever thought that maybe you are pushing way too hard?
> >
> > I would wager that you and the way you have treated her in the past with your crazy schedule is part of the problem and that she has emotionally drifted away from you and emotionally checked out of your marriage.
> >
> ...


I hope that some of the books etc. you have been investigating include Chapman's 5 languages of love, Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy, Gottman's Art and Science of Love, and MW Davis Divorce Busting.

I will again say that marriage counseling might do wonders if your wife is in the mode for reconciliation.

The advice I was given in saving my marriage was to expect things to take about a month of hard work for each year of problems in the marriage. 

Good luck.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

inmyprime said:


> drewg350 said:
> 
> 
> > I suppose if you'd like to hear a laundry list of negative behavior on my part through out the year's, I could post it. But suffice to say, I have been very cold, unattentive, and have done a lot of bad thing's to her in the past. Her aversion to my sperm/bodily fluids, was really her aversion to ME. She didn't feel "connected" to me, unloved, and she didn't/doesn't trust me. I'm a guy and look at things as a guy. For me (and I believe most guy's), I can have sex anywhere, any time. The slightest sexual thought or vision and I'm ready to go. For my wife, she requires more affection, cuddling, holding each other, and to feel loved, needed, connected, etc... I obviously wasn't providing any of that to her, and in turn, she only worried about herself. She was actually going out of her way to treat me bad. I'm pretty damm sure from the last few days that as long as I really want to improve our relationship, put her first, prove to her how much I love her, she will reciprocate in spades. We'll see. If we were simply dating for a few months or even year's, I would've walked away (and she probably would've too) and been done. I'm learning the female psychy is alot different than mine/males. I definitely will update in the coming weeks, as I have lots of time in the hotel. Thanks again to all.
> ...


Oh hell yea. In our late teens through our mid thirties we had awesome sex. I certainly never complained. She gave me everything I asked for including "backdoor sex" which I love. But the marriage suffered the last ten years and we really drifted apart. I'm certain if we didn't have kid's we would've divorced years ago. I was away all the time and I "could really give a ****" so to speak. My wife use to be stunning, but after the kid's, she put on a few pounds, and I wasn't really attracted to her. I also let myself go, typical "dad bod" with a 38" waist, and got up to 240 lbs. When I was younger, I always worked out and was in great shape. Last Thanksgiving I had had enough. My daughter's kept asking me to "get in shape". My parents and my wife say I have ADD or something like that, because when I get fixated, or want to do something, there's only one way I know how: all the way, and I let nothing get in my way. This can be an asset, but it's also can be annoying to those around you. So fast forward to today, almost a year later. I workout with weights 5/6 day's a week, and do 90 minutes - 2 hours of Cardio everyday. Never skipping a day. I prepare all my meals for traveling and eat 100% clean, never cheating. I'm 190 lbs, sub 10% body fat, 48" chest and 30" waist. I'm shredded with 6 pak abs and veins through out, and my coworkers all think I'm in my mid-thirties. 
I went to my doctor back in March because I felt there was something amiss. She asked me a ton of questions and ran a bunch of tests. Turns out I had "low T", basically zero as I was under 100. She put me on replacement testosterone and. I immediately felt better and began to have "feelings" again. I also found I was suddenly attracted to my wife again and obviously my need for sex increased. So that's when I choose to make changes and to try and fix my relationship with my wife. The rest starts at my initial post here. 
Sorry for not including all this history in my initial post, but I didn't think anyone would want to spend this much time reading all of this.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> BINGO
> 
> Bonding with another male WOULD explain why she’s repulsed by OP’s love juices.
> 
> In her mind, she’s cheating on her AP. I’ve seen it first hand, chemical bonds are real.


This isn't an Avatar bonding with an Ikran you know.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

drewg350 said:


> Oh hell yea. In our late teens through our mid thirties we had awesome sex. I certainly never complained. She gave me everything I asked for including "backdoor sex" which I love. But the marriage suffered the last ten years and we really drifted apart. I'm certain if we didn't have kid's we would've divorced years ago. I was away all the time and I "could really give a ****" so to speak. My wife use to be stunning, but after the kid's, she put on a few pounds, and I wasn't really attracted to her. I also let myself go, typical "dad bod" with a 38" waist, and got up to 240 lbs. When I was younger, I always worked out and was in great shape. Last Thanksgiving I had had enough. My daughter's kept asking me to "get in shape". My parents and my wife say I have ADD or something like that, because when I get fixated, or want to do something, there's only one way I know how: all the way, and I let nothing get in my way. This can be an asset, but it's also can be annoying to those around you. So fast forward to today, almost a year later. I workout with weights 5/6 day's a week, and do 90 minutes - 2 hours of Cardio everyday. Never skipping a day. I prepare all my meals for traveling and eat 100% clean, never cheating. I'm 190 lbs, sub 10% body fat, 48" chest and 30" waist. I'm shredded with 6 pak abs and veins through out, and my coworkers all think I'm in my mid-thirties.
> I went to my doctor back in March because I felt there was something amiss. She asked me a ton of questions and ran a bunch of tests. Turns out I had "low T", basically zero as I was under 100. She put me on replacement testosterone and. I immediately felt better and began to have "feelings" again. I also found I was suddenly attracted to my wife again and obviously my need for sex increased. So that's when I choose to make changes and to try and fix my relationship with my wife. The rest starts at my initial post here.
> Sorry for not including all this history in my initial post, but I didn't think anyone would want to spend this much time reading all of this.


OP If you filledin all those blanks in your first post the advise given would have benn the actions you ar taking now.

The love of a good woman is gold......I was you years ago.

Keep on track with your relatioship improvements It will payoff ten fold

55


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

just got it 55 said:


> OP If you filled in all those blanks in your first post the advise given would have been the actions you are taking now.
> 
> The love of a good woman is gold......I was you years ago.
> 
> ...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You just experienced what's called "reset sex". It'll be back to what it was as soon as she feels comfortable again.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

just got it 55 said:


> just got it 55 said:
> 
> 
> > OP If you filled in all those blanks in your first post the advise given would have been the actions you are taking now.
> ...


I will definitely let you know. It's very difficult to include 30 year's of history in a brief post. I have never been on this forum and wasn't expecting 17 pages of responses. I will definitely keep this in mind for future topics. I will also not create a new topic immediately after something happens, or while my emotions aren't "in check" 
I appreciate everyone who took their time to offer me guidance. I understand without alot of "blanks" filled in, it's sometimes difficult to get the full sense of what's really going on.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

It's great to hear the progress! That's a very positive sign that she took this step. But keep in mind that this problem is not cured. It's important to build on this and avoid backsliding. That goes for her as well. Hopefully she will understand that intimacy needs to be ongoing in a marriage. If there are times where her feelings aren't where they need to be, she needs to take steps to rectify. She can't just be passive and let you do all the work. 

Good luck!


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You just experienced what's called "reset sex". It'll be back to what it was as soon as she feels comfortable again.


OP let himself go, ignored his marriage etc.
Resentment was their foundation, not love and caring.
She was not sexually attracted to him.
The kids held them together.
They are stating to get to the bottom of their issues and had some good sex.

If they both hold themselves accountable and reconnect at a deeper level. if they nurture their marriage they have hope.

This is not all on her, they both have a responsibility to nurture the relationship.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

I would say spend less time travelling and more at home. Reconfigure your business to accommodate that. Maybe hire someone to do some of the travelling. Might cut into profits in the short term. But will pay dividends later. And the investment in your marriage and family is invaluable.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

MrsHolland said:


> WorkingOnMe said:
> 
> 
> > You just experienced what's called "reset sex". It'll be back to what it was as soon as she feels comfortable again.
> ...


I believe you "hit the nail on the head". When my wife and I would argue about something petty, she would say on so many occasions "I could give you so much more if I just felt loved and needed". I would simply make a snyde comment or continue to argue and justify my behavior. I would say "what do you want from me??" Or act like I was doing my best, when in fact I knew damm well I wasn't. If I gave as much attention to my relationship as I have to getting in shape the last year, I'd probably be the happiest man alive and be getting everything I wish for from my wife. I can't change the past, but I can try to change the future. I'll post updates during the next few months.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

It is unusual that a paradigm shift of this magnitude happens, and especially in one email ladden night. But it happened. 

I would seek MC to help solidify the gains that you will be making, and work towards being in a better place overall. 

Baby steps are best.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

drewg350, I have read that men often work too many hours for their wife to be happy. It sounds like you put in a lot of long hours to make your business successful, plus the time you spent getting in shape, but those things took time and energy away from your marriage, and lead to your W feeling ignored and not valued. This is an all too common situation men put themselves in.

Is there any way you could spend more time being home at night? I think that would help a lot.

Also the low T influenced you to not be attracted to your W and she sensed it, then felt a similar way about you. Payback is a B ugger.

Thanks for the good news.


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## drewg350 (Oct 14, 2017)

john117 said:


> It is unusual that a paradigm shift of this magnitude happens, and especially in one email ladden night. But it happened.
> 
> I would seek MC to help solidify the gains that you will be making, and work towards being in a better place overall.
> 
> Baby steps are best.



I believe she wants to save the marriage as much as I do. She comes from a religious background, although she's not super religious, her parents are, big time. I know she would find it extremely difficult to tell her parents about a divorce. So much so, that she's stayed in this terrible relationship for all these years. I'm certain that's a major reason she's willing to give me another chance. 
I wasn't expecting her to respond so quickly either, and there's still ALOT of healing that needs to take place. But the initial signs from her are promising, and I believe I have an opportunity to save our marriage. Time will tell.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

WonkyNinja said:


> This isn't an Avatar bonding with an Ikran you know.


Love Is a Chemical Reaction, Scientists Find

Once the chemical "love bond" is made, OP's semen and pheromones will become completely repulsive to her.

Does she complain about anything else @drewg350? Your body scent? The way you kiss? Does she say, "it's changed"?

These are all tell tale signs a Chad may be been dipping his dink in her vag pool.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

drewg350 said:


> Oh hell yea. In our late teens through our mid thirties we had awesome sex. I certainly never complained. She gave me everything I asked for including "backdoor sex" which I love. But the marriage suffered the last ten years and we really drifted apart. I'm certain if we didn't have kid's we would've divorced years ago. I was away all the time and I "could really give a ****" so to speak. My wife use to be stunning, but after the kid's, she put on a few pounds, and I wasn't really attracted to her. I also let myself go, typical "dad bod" with a 38" waist, and got up to 240 lbs. When I was younger, I always worked out and was in great shape. Last Thanksgiving I had had enough. My daughter's kept asking me to "get in shape". My parents and my wife say I have ADD or something like that, because when I get fixated, or want to do something, there's only one way I know how: all the way, and I let nothing get in my way. This can be an asset, but it's also can be annoying to those around you. So fast forward to today, almost a year later. I workout with weights 5/6 day's a week, and do 90 minutes - 2 hours of Cardio everyday. Never skipping a day. I prepare all my meals for traveling and eat 100% clean, never cheating. I'm 190 lbs, sub 10% body fat, 48" chest and 30" waist. I'm shredded with 6 pak abs and veins through out, and my coworkers all think I'm in my mid-thirties.
> I went to my doctor back in March because I felt there was something amiss. She asked me a ton of questions and ran a bunch of tests. Turns out I had "low T", basically zero as I was under 100. She put me on replacement testosterone and. I immediately felt better and began to have "feelings" again. I also found I was suddenly attracted to my wife again and obviously my need for sex increased. So that's when I choose to make changes and to try and fix my relationship with my wife. The rest starts at my initial post here.
> Sorry for not including all this history in my initial post, but I didn't think anyone would want to spend this much time reading all of this.


I guess the answer to your question in the title must be clear now then? You become a better, more attentive husband once again and the taste of semen will improve for her...? 
It seems you knew this all along?


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