# what do you think of how l'm beginning to feel about her now ?



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

l don't understand this roller coaster and all of it's mixed and ever changing emotions.
for anyone that doesn't know we separated 3mths ago after 18yrs , her choice.
things had been rough for 2-3 yrs , mainly due to the hassles of trying to restart in our new area but it took it's toll and we both handled it in different ways.
anyway , she moved out 3mths ago , and with my 11yr old daughter . 
my wife had also met some friend who she'd supposedly been leaning on for support and said she'd also like to start seeing him 
it really hurt , bad , but i had been in two minds about my wife for a couple of yrs that was true . she'd just changed so much over the years.

but none the less this was big, your losing your family and your wife and regardless however mixed up you were , this 3 mths has been a nightmare.
i'd have killed to have us all back , then l started snapping out of it , then backwards again , but the last week or two l just can't say if l do want her back anymore.

there was the way she quit on us , tore us apart , this guy , but then as you start to see daylight , all the changes in her too , plus other stuff.
my latest cycle is that really , l just don't know now.
she's changed so much and l'd also never dream she could have done this.
and so many other things with her are also coming to light now.
lots of other changes that just weren't her or anything we believed in 5-10yrs ago , are now her everyday.
like she's grown , changed , over the years, me too , but l'm still me. in what i like,believe, mostly in what i've always said to in things . basically i'm still the same person l've always been to her - but she isn't anymore and now this.

my latest emotions on it all now is actually feeling quite relieved , even a bit happy. had my daughter and friends staying for a wk last wk , she comes most weekends or for week stints on holidays. we had a ball , bit of peace this week , get a few things done.
i'm getting use to the empty house and hey , atleast i can do what i want when i want for once.
my daughter and a friend who we always have a ball with are coming back in a few days for a week.
my wifes running round doing all these things she's always said she'd never ever do , l mean she's like another person now.

l'm just feeling adain now well hey , l could never trust her again anyway and this last few yrs l haven't even liked the changes , now they're 10fold.
and hey , l can sell this place and move , l've hated this spot since we got here.

so at the moment l'm sorta of feeling quite relieved again now but on the other hand , this has all been so crazy , so big , l don't know what the hell l'm spose to be feeling anymore.

does it make any sense ?


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

whitehawk, it makes perfect sense, read my threads and you will see a story of emotions that rivals the saddest movie you have ever seen, the rollercoaster Ive been through is so profound its a wonder im still here. What you are feeling is so normal i cant even begin to tell you. Thanks to the people on this website and my family I am here today and in charge of everything like something from a novel where I play the hero. I keep asking for reassurance but I do believe once the trust is gone its time to move on , do so. I have, and my family unit fell like the roman empire, to ruins.


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## parker (Dec 2, 2012)

You are at a good place


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

thanks guys , sorry that went so long.
yea parker i mean i'm not pushing anything , hell 2 wks ago i felt like giving up. but this is just flowing in just like all the bads have.

damned if i know , maybe i am healing. the other day she came and went and i watched her walk out the gate.
one second i was really sad but in the next l'm thinking god she's not looking too good these days and the person, it seems gone .
next minute l'm thinking humm , don't even think l want this one anyway.
later that night l felt sad again , then my daughter came and it all left, very confusing.


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