# how long was the time apart



## changingmale

For those who was separated and then got back together how long was you apart? How much did you talk when apart (can be by phone,in person,text or face book)? How is the relationship now? Was there a chance of getting back together or was it looking like you would divorce? Sorry for so many questions. My wife when told me said she wanted a divorce and nothing about separation and she feels like God wants this.I want to be with my wife. When we talk it is from facebook unless i get the kids and then maybe for a min or so. We been apart since Aug and was told in July. Thank you


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## Mr.Married

You have two threads going.....keep it to just one. People can help you more that way.


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## waynejoey

@changingmale - the average tenure for separation is 7 to 10 months. It took me about 7 months to fully reconcile my marriage, but we never separated.

Regarding your wife's comment about "God wants this" is a lie that satan told her. If you don't believe me, research spiritual warfare. God would never lead us to sin, he hates divorce (the book of Malachi).

There is a step-by-step process to get your wife back, but there are no guarantees. Eventually it will be her free will if she decides to stay or leave. Most marriage advice out there has a common theme, and the graceful themes all line up with the bible. I'll give you a smattering of things to get started on.

1. Use whatever lines of communications you have open to your advantage, even if its just a facebook message.
2. State your desire to reconcile the marriage and that you're ready to put in the work.
3. Ask her to list the things that caused her to disengage from the marriage. Just listen, don't try to fix anything on the spot, don't defend, and take good notes.
4. Empathize with her issues. "I'm sorry you feel that way", "That sucks that it went down like that", "Geez that must be really hard for you to say, thank you for sharing".
5. Find a good Christian church, join a men's group (men in the group will have already gone through this), grab the bible App on your phone and start doing marriage devotionals.
6. Pray ceaselessly. When you wake up, going to bed, and throughout the day reveal to God in your heart that you are helpless and need him to step in. Ask him to reveal anything that you have done that is wrong so that you can start correcting it. Then listen and follow His plan.
7. If you're having trouble hearing God, what are the obvious things that you're doing wrong? Porn? Cheating? Alcohol? Over-working? Being critical? Temper? Not tithing? Not forgiving and holding grudges? Being entitled? Not being graceful? Not loving unconditionally? Not listening?

Be prepared for a long lonely road with no sex and stay on the high path and your wife may come running back to you.


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## Betrayedone

Forget it man........just move on and forget it.


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## TJW

changingmale said:


> she feels like God wants this.


No. God does not want this. She is either in severe delusion, or she's just looking for any way to justify wanting the divorce. Most likely, she wants to remarry - quite possibly to her current boyfriend.

Divorce is allowed by God in His permissive will, but is not in His perfect will.

The Lord Jesus Christ told the Pharisees that Moses wrote the precept of divorce "...for the hardness of your hearts..." and "...it was not this way from the beginning..." see Matthew 19:1-10. 
Refer your wife to this scriptural passage the next time she says "God wants this".....

BTW, my first wife told me it was "God's will" for her to have extramarital affairs.
I replied "....chapter, and verse ??...."

It would have, undoubtedly, been "God's will" for her to destroy another family and marry the POSOM, too.


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## Andy1001

changingmale said:


> For those who was separated and then got back together how long was you apart? How much did you talk when apart (can be by phone,in person,text or face book)? How is the relationship now? Was there a chance of getting back together or was it looking like you would divorce? Sorry for so many questions. My wife when told me said she wanted a divorce and nothing about separation and she feels like God wants this.I want to be with my wife. When we talk it is from facebook unless i get the kids and then maybe for a min or so. We been apart since Aug and was told in July. Thank you


Including your intro post this is the seventh thread you have started about your wife wanting a divorce.
You are clinging on to her every word for any sign that she will come back to you.Do you not realize how weak this makes you look in her eyes? 
You said she was completely lacking in a sex drive but also offered you a fwb relationship.Something doesn’t add up dude.If you get her pregnant again she has you by the balls for another eighteen years and change.
Time to stop insisting that she is not seeing any other man and start investigating.


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## waynejoey

I haven't read the other threads that apparently duplicated this conversation. TJW's references are accurate. If she is cheating you'll first have to decide if you're going to invoke that permissible divorce, although God would rather see the two of you repent, forgive, and continue the marriage.

In the original thread you said you want your wife back, so I'll direct you back to the steps I laid out.

One more thing I didn't have on the list, if it is an affair, is to reference the book His Needs, Her Needs. Dr. Harley provides steps to stop the affair in its tracks. If you don't, it will be harder for you to communicate and the 7-10 month timeframe can turn into years, or never.

Regarding the kids, if your wife understands how much she is harming the kids by not demonstrating a faithful marriage, it could be a game changer. Right now she is likely filled with satan's lies that her immediate affair honeymoon happiness is actually better for her kids, but it is a lie. That could be something to pray for, that someone steps into her path and speaks truth, otherwise her little girls and boys will grow up to be cheaters.


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## Jesswalter75

Waynejoey you seem to give great advice, would you be willing to help me?


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