# Just read a booklet: Which are yours?



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Just read a booklet about the reasons why we (women) have sex and this is the list:
1 Pleasure of it
2 Connected to your man
3 Conquest
4 Sense of duty
5 Adventure
6 Barter and trade
7 Boot one's ego
8 Punishment and abuse
9 Health rewards
10 Competition

Which have you had sex for, (at least once)?

Do you think a man would know why a woman was having sex with him? Which reasons are most acceptable to men?


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## beautifulauthenticself (Nov 2, 2020)

1. Pleasure of it
2. To feel a connection with my man
3. Adventure

I am curious to know why a woman would have sex with a man for "competitive" reasons. Mind to explain what the booklet says about this?


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> Just read a booklet about the reasons why we (women) have sex and this is the list:
> 1 Pleasure of it
> 2 Connected to your man
> 3 Conquest
> ...


I know my wife has had sex for reasons 1, 2, 4, 5. I don't really know what goes through her mind but #7 has probably run through her head at some point. I would need to know more, but I guess #3 might be a possibility.

As a man the only reasons I have issues with are 4 and 6. I would also have issues with #8, unless we are role playing.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I've read a lot of books and one thing that I learned regarding the reasons people have sex, particularly men is for stress relief. There are some personalities that have libidos that are driven by stress. The more stress, the more desire for sex for stress relief. Call it a coping mechanism of assisted-self soothing if you would. 

Then you have these women that want an emotional connection BEFORE getting aroused and being receptive to having sex. 

Meanwhile men want to feel that same connection, but those driven by stress tend to achieve that connection AFTER sex. 

Generally speaking achieving an emotional connection with someone under a tremendous amount of stress prior to sex, will require that person to also feel a lot of stress. Which 9 times out of 10 is a turn off because for many people stress and desire for sex do not mix. 

So getting back to the OP's list, I think this is the underlying dynamics between 4 & 6 as couples struggle to make it work. 

Badsanta


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

1. Pleasure of it
2 Connected to your man


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

MaiChi said:


> Just read a booklet about the reasons why we (women) have sex and this is the list:
> 1 Pleasure of it
> 2 Connected to your man
> 3 Conquest
> ...


#7 and #10 are very closely related. I think 10 (competition) is really about jealousy. I am aware both men and women will initiate sex when they feel their SO is showing some signs of sexual interest in others. It is a way to reinforce that they are wanted.

#3 - Conquest is likely only something done rarely and early in a relationship

I would say my wife has had sex due to numbers 1,2,3,4,5,6,7, and 10


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

badsanta said:


> I've read a lot of books and one thing that I learned regarding the reasons people have sex, particularly men is for stress relief. There are some personalities that have libidos that are driven by stress. The more stress, the more desire for sex for stress relief. Call it a coping mechanism of assisted-self soothing if you would.
> 
> Then you have these women that want an emotional connection BEFORE getting aroused and being receptive to having sex.
> 
> ...


So which type of reason would a stressed up man want in a woman? Does he just want any reason at all as long as it is sex?


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

beautifulauthenticself said:


> 1. Pleasure of it
> 2. To feel a connection with my man
> 3. Adventure
> 
> I am curious to know why a woman would have sex with a man for "competitive" reasons. Mind to explain what the booklet says about this?


Talks about competing with other women for the man and also making the man compete with other men for her attention. 
there is a woman in the chapter who says she has sex with other men than her partner to show him that other men desire her so make him compete with the other men.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

leftfield said:


> I know my wife has had sex for reasons 1, 2, 4, 5. I don't really know what goes through her mind but #7 has probably run through her head at some point. I would need to know more, but I guess #3 might be a possibility.
> 
> As a man the only reasons I have issues with are 4 and 6. I would also have issues with #8, unless we are role playing.


Really I wanted to know if men care about what reason any woman at any sex time is having sex with them assuming the list of reasons given is nearly exhaustive. You seem to imply that you would object to some of the reasons if you knew.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

MaiChi said:


> Really I wanted to know if men care about what reason any woman at any sex time is having sex with them assuming the list of reasons given is nearly exhaustive. You seem to imply that you would object to some of the reasons if you knew.


I would certainly object to my woman having sex with other men to show ME that she is desired by others. I certainly wouldn't compete with those other men for her if I found out about THAT.
I would actually be very happy to bow out of the competition altogether.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

1. Pleasure of it
2. To feel a connection with my man
3. Adventure


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

beautifulauthenticself said:


> 1. Pleasure of it
> 2. To feel a connection with my man
> 3. Adventure
> 
> I am curious to know why a woman would have sex with a man for "competitive" reasons. Mind to explain what the booklet says about this?


Reality TV?


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Pleasure
Connection
Adventure


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> Really I wanted to know if men care about what reason any woman at any sex time is having sex with them assuming the list of reasons given is nearly exhaustive. You seem to imply that you would object to some of the reasons if you knew.


Well I would not object to 6 or 8, I would flat out reject it and find a different woman. Although, I would be OK with #8 if that was something we mutually agreed on.

I would absolutely object to #4 if it was frequent. That was the default setting in our marriage for a time. It got us right to the edge of divorce. No woman has to put up with me. I would rather just find a new woman that wants me.


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