# Take Your Attorney/ Friend's Advise



## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

My divorce took 8 long months from start to finish. I did hire an attorney...initially I did not think my ex would be cooperative but I think he wanted the divorce as much as I did, if not more. I can say honestly that divorce was not what I wanted but I also felt there was no love on his part and was very tired of living as we were. He was caught up in his interests in other women which he claimed was "normal" for me and I just needed to accept. I never accepted it and with time I lost all love and respect for this very selfish man. 

The attorney turned into more of a guidance. Because ex and I had been married over 20 years and I had a part-time career that worked around raising 5 kids I was granted alimony. The attorney suggested an amount that ex did not like so I settled more to keep peace. He quibbled on every little word in the documents before the divorce became legal and every time there was a change it racked up the fees to the attorney. Every penny I gave the attorney upfront was gone and not all was settled yet. He then wanted to pay support every 2 weeks, for a lesser amount instead of a monthly amount and I agreed yet again to be compliant. I am thankful for the help but all this put me in such a bind.

I had moved out of state and took on the expenses of the move myself on just pennies I had set aside. I rented a moving van and took about 1/3 of the belongs which we agreed to but had to buy so much once I got to my new home. The move, repairs to the new home, and furniture cost me $20k. I am self-employed and had to start my business from the ground up in my new location. There has been so many unforeseen expenses...it was like whatever could go wrong, did, and all the while I have scrambled to make it all work.

I was sent yet another bill from the attorney, the final one and asked ex if he could pay it. His reply was that he would have to check the decree but that he thought I was responsible for attorney fees and he did not feel he needed to pay for MY closing costs. Who quibbled over every sentence in the documents and racked up the $ that burned up the funds? MY closing? And really, I think he has forgotten. The attorney first wrote into the documents that he would be responsible for the attorney fees and he refused.

Our daughter is living with me, she is legally an adult now but I am the one supporting her...paying for her groceries and gas, clothes and all other expenses, she does not have a job yet. I asked ex if he would pay for her license plates for her car. We have been in a different state for 3 months now and we were told that we could be fined if we did not get our autos licensed for the state. he wants me to find a way around that and see if I can pass her off as a student. She is not attending college here.

My friends and my attorney told me that he would do all of the things he has done and they warned m not to bend to try to get along or to appease him, as he was looking after himself only. They were so right!

Any of you who are in this situation right now realize that it really does cost alot to be independent and on your own. Take what you are entitled to. For those of us that raised our children and juggled our schedules to keep a household running while our husband's worked their way thru the ranks in their careers, we too deserve what the courts deem justifiable whether our exes like it or not.


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## xxxSHxYZxxx (Apr 1, 2013)

AVR1962 said:


> My divorce took 8 long months from start to finish. I did hire an attorney...initially I did not think my ex would be cooperative but I think he wanted the divorce as much as I did, if not more. I can say honestly that divorce was not what I wanted but I also felt there was no love on his part and was very tired of living as we were. He was caught up in his interests in other women which he claimed was "normal" for me and I just needed to accept. I never accepted it and with time I lost all love and respect for this very selfish man.
> 
> The attorney turned into more of a guidance. Because ex and I had been married over 20 years and I had a part-time career that worked around raising 5 kids I was granted alimony. The attorney suggested an amount that ex did not like so I settled more to keep peace. He quibbled on every little word in the documents before the divorce became legal and every time there was a change it racked up the fees to the attorney. Every penny I gave the attorney upfront was gone and not all was settled yet. He then wanted to pay support every 2 weeks, for a lesser amount instead of a monthly amount and I agreed yet again to be compliant. I am thankful for the help but all this put me in such a bind.
> 
> ...


I don't want to sound like a **** but to me it sounds like you want him to pay for the dissisions you made after the divorce was finalized. He is no longer Gerald responsible for you in anyway so if ypu chose to move for any reason that's all on you. It's unfortunate that you are also supporting you adult Childers but that is between you and your daughter. You are choosing to support her. Your ex husband has nothing to do with your choice in doing so. It sounds to me that you got a little over your head and now you are blaming your ex when it's all your doing. You need to stop expecting things from him and move on. 

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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

It should be in your decree if he is responsible for paying any of your attorney fees. He SHOULD be since he was the one dragging everything out. 

And Im sorry you have learned the hard way that being willing to flex on things with someone as assh0le as your XH is, is a BAD idea and WILL end up putting you in a hard way. But hey, now he is your EX and you are free. Your startup cost you a lot but now that part is done, and you get to move forward! Your daughter MUST get a job, and it would be the right thing to do for your EX to help your daughter out a little, especially since you did bend on support to help him out. That part is not about you, its about helping her.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

xxxSHxYZxxx said:


> I don't want to sound like a **** but to me it sounds like you want him to pay for the dissisions you made after the divorce was finalized. He is no longer Gerald responsible for you in anyway so if ypu chose to move for any reason that's all on you. It's unfortunate that you are also supporting you adult Childers but that is between you and your daughter. You are choosing to support her. Your ex husband has nothing to do with your choice in doing so. It sounds to me that you got a little over your head and now you are blaming your ex when it's all your doing. You need to stop expecting things from him and move on.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G928T using Tapatalk


You know, I think it brings back bad memories for me actually. This man was such a penny pinching cheap-skate when we were married. He complained about how much milk the kids drank and how much toilet paper they used. He was military and we moved around with his career. Every time we'd land in a new location and I was trying to get the house together before I started taking students again he'd be all griping about expenses. I paid for my own cars, paid all the stuff for the kids, paid my own credit card bills, etc but never had enough money to put money aside for myself. Meanwhile he was putting lots of money away. I had no idea just how much until we divorced. He always acted like we had nothing and if he thought I was hiding money from him (which I did not do) he would question me. Turns out he was the one hiding money!

And no, I did not get myself in over my head financially with this move. I had a great deal of start-up costs which I did not anticipate. So yes, they were my decisions and my choices. I just wish I would have not bent over to gracious to try to keep peace. I will make it thru.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> It should be in your decree if he is responsible for paying any of your attorney fees. He SHOULD be since he was the one dragging everything out.
> 
> And Im sorry you have learned the hard way that being willing to flex on things with someone as assh0le as your XH is, is a BAD idea and WILL end up putting you in a hard way. But hey, now he is your EX and you are free. Your startup cost you a lot but now that part is done, and you get to move forward! Your daughter MUST get a job, and it would be the right thing to do for your EX to help your daughter out a little, especially since you did bend on support to help him out. That part is not about you, its about helping her.


Thanks for understanding. Yes, my daughter and I have talked and she knows she needs to find herself a job and start taking care of her own expenses.


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## xxxSHxYZxxx (Apr 1, 2013)

AVR1962 said:


> You know, I think it brings back bad memories for me actually. This man was such a penny pinching cheap-skate when we were married. He complained about how much milk the kids drank and how much toilet paper they used. He was military and we moved around with his career. Every time we'd land in a new location and I was trying to get the house together before I started taking students again he'd be all griping about expenses. I paid for my own cars, paid all the stuff for the kids, paid my own credit card bills, etc but never had enough money to put money aside for myself. Meanwhile he was putting lots of money away. I had no idea just how much until we divorced. He always acted like we had nothing and if he thought I was hiding money from him (which I did not do) he would question me. Turns out he was the one hiding money!
> 
> And no, I did not get myself in over my head financially with this move. I had a great deal of start-up costs which I did not anticipate. So yes, they were my decisions and my choices. I just wish I would have not bent over to gracious to try to keep peace. I will make it thru.


What happend while you were married is irrelevant. The fact is things panned out the way they did and the divorce is finalized. Whatever dissisions you make after that are your responsibility and have nothing to do with your ex so expecting him to help and being mad that he refuses is ridiculous. He doesn't owe you anything except for your alimony payment. 

And I would beg to differ about being over your head financially. That fact that it is difficult for you to cover unforseen costs is proof that you got over your head. It happens and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's also nothing that your ex is responsible for. 

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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

xxxSHxYZxxx said:


> What happend while you were married is irrelevant. The fact is things panned out the way they did and the divorce is finalized. Whatever dissisions you make after that are your responsibility and have nothing to do with your ex so expecting him to help and being mad that he refuses is ridiculous. He doesn't owe you anything except for your alimony payment.
> 
> And I would beg to differ about being over your head financially. That fact that it is difficult for you to cover unforseen costs is proof that you got over your head. It happens and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's also nothing that your ex is responsible for.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G928T using Tapatalk


To you it is irrelevant what happened in our marriage and to you it is irrelevant what how the divorce proceedings went. They are not irrelevant to me. My ex told me that he knew I would need help in the first year to help me get on my feet. I had asked him to help out my our daughter's expenses while we were making this transition.....his words, "I am not going to abandon the two of you." So yes, it really ticks me off that husband racked up $ with the attorney because he wanted to have every single word detailed to his specifics. Attorney told me that there was no reason for any of it so after months of this dragging out I just signed and told him if he wanted to change anything he'd have to hire his own attorney. I asked him to split the additional cost of the attorney and I personally do not feel that is much to ask at all. Nor do I think it is too much to ask for him to pay for the plates on her car. Yes, she needs to get a job but that has not happened yet. We can talk about hind-sight, and should have and could have but this is the reality of the situation now, what I am living today.


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