# Please hear me



## reaching out (Jun 20, 2011)

My husband and I have been together just under four years. I love him terribly, painfully. He is so mad at me that he will not spend time with me, say "I love you", or even acknowledge me. He and I just went to Belize together and I thought everything was so wonderful. The next day after we got back, he said that I was not grateful enough. That I do not do enough.

I take care of our son day in and out, very well in fact. Serve him like a waitress, and dote upon him. I miss him when he is away and never try to bother him while he is here. He says that I am basically incompetent in doing what he expects of me.

The house is always clean, I always try my hardest. I even worked up until I lost my job the week before the trip. He told me that he is not even sure he feels like dealing with the annoyance any more. He said that I am most certainly the only woman for him, but that he would rather be alone than manage what I am not good enough at.

I cannot figure out what to do. I honestly just want to disappear. I cannot take the lovelessness any longer. It has only been a week, but I feel like I am dying more and more everyday. I don't know how to go on, or to fix this. I am so afraid for myself. I wish I could just give up, or fade away. This is too much for me.

Why can't I pretend I don't care, as he does. How can he stand not touching, holding and loving each other? I can't do this. My eyes cannot see any further in front of me any more. From so many tears, and loneliness. I don't think I will ever leave this tomb of a home again. Please, please, please, help me.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

He is abusive. Don't you see how he is eroding your self-confidence?

He is the one who is ungrateful and unworthy. Get intotherapy and figure out why you would believe this schmoe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yes. This sounds like using emotional abuse to control you. This can only get worse. Remember to ignore his words, as hard as that is. Always remember how strong and great you are and don't let his words make you think otherwise...until you figure out what your plan is for your future and happiness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He's a spoiled brat who married his mother. You don't want to be his mother, do you? Send him back to her.


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## orangyred (May 6, 2011)

yikes! I agree with the others. He's emotionally abusing you. Also, I do think you've taken on that responsibility to please him a little too much. He needs boundaries, I think. And, yes, get some counseling!


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## FaithHopeLove (Apr 21, 2011)

You've given everything you can for him-- and honestly, I think perhaps he knows you will give him everything you can so he doesn't appreciate all of your hard work.

Some positive advice is to maybe learn about the different Love Languages and see if what you're doing for him is really how he wants to be loved. Here's the site to check out-- Home - Five Love Languages

I recommend learning about what love language you both speak because it has helped my husband-to-be know how to show me love the way I need to be loved. He was working really hard and cleaning up the house, but still that was not making me feel loved until I showed him the book about love languages and we figured out which one I am. It's really helped!

But really I think, from what you shared, you're doing a lot to help your marriage. He might just be one of those people who are never satisfied-- and you honestly can't do anything about that so there's no need to beat yourself up over it.


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## sofie (Mar 20, 2011)

Honey,
Go change in something that YOU feel pretty in. Go play or to the park with your son.
Cook for your husband and smile. Shield yourself against the ugly words and pretend that he says them to himself.
Only when you have yourself together enough that he can't see how upset you are, you can ask him what he would like (not what he doesn't like).
I know it is very hard to do, but you have to protect yourself.
I have been there, I'm still there in some ways.
Counseling is a good idea.
.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Your husband is a Jerk. 

He does not appreciate what he has. Let him know that if he doesn't appreciate what he has that you will give him less and less untill you give him nothing and walk away and onto someone who will appreciate all you have to give.


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## Chelly (Jun 24, 2011)

Based on what you have said, your husband sounds horribly emotionally abusive. You do NOT deserve to live like that. Have you done any reading on emotional abuse? How much do you know about it? There are two very supportive forums online where the posters have lived with this, and lived through it-- people with stories so similar to yours:

www. drirene. com

www. our-place-online. net

Forget about the five love languages or the men are from mars mindset-- those books and theories work great with people who are normal. Your husband is abusive. Attempting to make things "better" with him will only make things worse.

You can get through this but you need to educate yourself about what's been happening and then you need to figure out a plan to protect yourself.


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