# Going no where in life



## lotsoftears57 (Aug 25, 2013)

Hi, I am new to this forum, but I really could use some feedback from anyone. I am a 57 year female and have been with this man for 29 yrs and legally married for 13 yrs. He is 7 years younger then I am and this is my second marriage. When I meet him we were working at the same place together. We enjoyed each others company. We became friends. Then one day he told me he loved me. He knew I was still married and going through a divorce with my first husband. I also had to boys from my first husband. Well, this new young man kept on telling me that in for the 6 months we got to know each other that he loved me. So, I asked him if he would take on the responsibility of raising them and loving them like you say you love me? He replied yes he would take them like his very own and take care of all of us. When My divorce was completely done, he moved in with me right away. I told him straight that I didn't love him. But he kept on saying through the years that one day I will fall in love with him. We both have gone through so many ups and downs together. He did well with the boys raising them as if they were their real Father and he did do better then my ex. I also before hand told him, I cannot have anymore children and he was okay with that. So, as the years were going by and he ask me to marry him and I kept saying no. So, I told him one day when the boys both graduate from High School, then we can get married. It was 11 yrs when he asked me to married him again and I still told him I didn't love him. I mean all this time too we didn't have much of a sex life either. I happen to even tell him I had sex with another man. He was upset, but still stayed with me. So, I asked him why do you want to marry me so badly knowing I don't love you still? He told me he wanted me to carry his last name and that he loves me and that one day I will fall in love with him. So, we got married in 2001. I did this because I felt so sorry for him. So, the least I could do was carry his last name for him. Our marriage has been going down hill and it's like we are room mates now. I tend to feel like I am his Mother and sometimes a big sister. I talked to him before about separating/divorce and he will get angry and start telling me were am I going to go? I don't have any where to go? We have no sex, and financially going no where's. His been having many health issues, prescription pain pills addiction, he has physically hit me once 10 yrs ago.I put him in jail for that. This month he has been detoxing and trying to get all clean and sober from his addiction. We are financially having a very hard time cause his been out of work for a month. I am thinking it is now over and I would like to start a new chapter in my life. He does not know this. He is still being treated for his addiction and he is seeing a pych for depression. I have 4 grandchildren and 2 of them live with me and their parents. They are doing okay and I love my grand daughters. They are the reason I don't want to leave. Please help me


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## hurt and cofused (Aug 14, 2013)

You married someone not because you loved them but cause you felt sorry for them,it sounds like you just used this guy from the start.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Do the guy a favor and divorce him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Willowfin (Jan 2, 2012)

When you knew you didn't love him, you should at least have respected him enough to let him go - but what's done is done. 

Both of you have plenty of years left and it's gonna be a pretty miserable life all round if you stay. 
Do what you should have done all those years ago, be the stronger person and stand on your own two feet. You will feel better for it. You can come to some new accommodation arrangement with your family. Good luck


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## lotsoftears57 (Aug 25, 2013)

You are all right, but this man does not want to leave. He does know that I have never loved him from the start. I don't know why he doesn't want to leave? He keeps telling me he has no where to go and he will land up on the streets etc. I have kicked him out several times before we even got married and fool around on him once before we got married. He still didn't get the hint. so, we are where we are in almost 30 yrs of being together.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lotsoftears57 said:


> You are all right, but this man does not want to leave. He does know that I have never loved him from the start. I don't know why he doesn't want to leave? He keeps telling me he has no where to go and he will land up on the streets etc. I have kicked him out several times before we even got married and fool around on him once before we got married. He still didn't get the hint. so, we are where we are in almost 30 yrs of being together.


You kicked him out several times and then let him back in? That's why he does not get the hint.

Help him leave. Do you own a house? He probably has the right to some of the equity. You will need to buy out his portion. Since he's unemployed you will probably have to pay him support for a while.

Just do what you know has to be done. And be kind to him. He put his heart and his money into helping you raise your children. Encourage them to still love him and be there for him, he's their father as well.


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## lotsoftears57 (Aug 25, 2013)

Thanks EleGirl, No we are renting a house and we have our youngest son 31 yrs old and his wife with 1 beautiful little 3 yr old girl and one more girl due in 2 weeks. My husband and I are grandparents to to also 2 2 teenage boys from my oldest son who lives on his own with his wife etc. We all share equally all the household bills, cause that is the only way we can make it in our financial situation. Money is tight and I think my husband feels he couldn't make it on his own. He does love all the kids and grand kids a lot. It's just he and I don't have a marriage. It's more of a roomate helping out with the bills.


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