# I need help bad



## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

My husband works up north in Canada and has for the last 4 years this past April. All our kids are gone now so I live at home alone while he's up there working. This all worked okay till the last year but I fear I lost him to someone up where he works. So many weird things are happening now and I feel sick about them.

Blocked calls on his cell I've noticed, him going outside the house while home to talk. His phone bills sent up north to a box #. He jumps when his cell rings. Our sex life has died off too, to non existence. When I was working once I came home unexpectedly and a trucker that delivers to the north brought this women here to our place, when she saw me, she hid in our house around a wall when they came in. I wasn't expected home that day till after 1 AM, this was 5:30 PM, I came home for a break. This women works in the office for him. 

He also went to a buying show months earlier to Winnipeg and brought her to it. 

He denies anything, I'm at a loss to get things. He say's he loves me. Like WTF????? Help!


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

I should have added, we've been married 24 and raised 3 kids, he went to work up north to get us ahead and get our mortgage paid off, I've always worked full time too here at home. I hope I'm not getting burnt here. He's 52 and I'm 48. 

I feel sick.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Can you afford a PI?
The hardest part is gathering evidence, so just lay low and wait, don't accuse him until you have proof. As you have already seen he will just deny....all waywards deny.

You are not alone here there are many here that can give you great support.

With him away it will be hard to get the evidence to take the next step but cheaters always mess up and its a matter of time. Especially when you stop accusing him and act like everything is normal then they get sloppy and start to make the mistakes that get them busted.

Once you get the evidence then you will have the confidence to have an effective confrontation.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

How does he explain the weird goings-on? Taking phone calls outside the house, having a woman delivered to your house, having the phone bill sent to a PO box?


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

the guy said:


> Can you afford a PI?
> The hardest part is gathering evidence, so just lay low and wait, don't accuse him until you have proof. As you have already seen he will just deny....all waywards deny.
> 
> You are not alone here there are many here that can give you great support.
> ...


Yes, I can afford one but I can't find one local, I tried. I need help with that. It's northern Saskatchewan where he works, can someone help me find one? I need to know badly what's going on. Please!!!!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Does he use a home computer at all when he`s there?

Whose name is his cell phone account in?

A VAR (Voice activated recorder) in his vehicle is going to be your best bet I think


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> How does he explain the weird goings-on? Taking phone calls outside the house, having a woman delivered to your house, having the phone bill sent to a PO box?


I confronted him on all of this, he say's I'm paranoid, he goes to his truck or our garage on his cell. He said the phone bill always went up north, I never suspected anything before, so I don't know, this is the first time I looked for it, he has an apartment there from day one.


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Does he use a home computer at all when he`s there?
> 
> Whose name is his cell phone account in?
> 
> A VAR (Voice activated recorder) in his vehicle is going to be your best bet I think


Yes!!!!! I never thought to check our desk top computer, will right now, thank you.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You could always pay him a surprise visit to his northern apartment in the middle of the night.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

A non-cheating husband's reaction to your concern would be to try to calm you down and convince you that, although it looks bad, there really is nothing going on.

A cheating husband's reaction to your concern would be to call you paranoid and try to make you think you're crazy for having normal suspicions that many people would have given your husband's actions.

What else does he use the post office box for? All monthly bills, or just the phone?


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

I checked our desk top, nothing there except windows live message. That's it when he's home. We use our desk top to work, we both have lap tops.


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> A non-cheating husband's reaction to your concern would be to try to calm you down and convince you that, although it looks bad, there really is nothing going on.
> 
> A cheating husband's reaction to your concern would be to call *you paranoid and try to make you think you're crazy for having normal suspicions that many people would have given your husband's actions.
> *
> What else does he use the post office box for? All monthly bills, or just the phone?


That's his reaction to my questions lately!!!!


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

I just want to know! That's it. proof.


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

I have been lonely for too many years waiting on his plan and trusting him. This is not fair at all.


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## 2ndchanc81370 (Jun 13, 2012)

I can imagine how you feel Wife_in_Pain. I have been through the same and the fear, the dread, the lost feeling and the pain are just brewing ready to explode. I really feel bad for anyone who has to go through this. 

My only advise for you (since everyone here has given you terrific ones on how to search and find out the truth) would be, to brace yourself. Prepare yourself. If your suspicions are proven right then, its going to be a painful ride. One thing you can be sure of -- you have friends who understand in this forum.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you can hire a PI, then you can afford that suprise visit. During that visit look for a PI or google it and find ones in his area.

I know this are trying times but once you make a plan and work the plan it will give you some direction. this crap is hard and trust your gut.
Often its so easy to keep the blinders on and deny the unthinkable, but now you know what you need to do, so follow thru.

1) gather evidence
2) confront
3) expose
4) let him go
5) deside to keep him or not


#4 is importent, once the waywards believes you are letting them go they then have a tentence to do the chasing. we as betrayed ofen make mistakes and beg for the marriage while the affiar continues. but once you show some confidence in let them go there is a shift in power.

So no matter what never beg or cry for the marriage. As hard as it is the wayward needs to see a confident spouse that will let them go if the A (affair)continues. If not they will continue knowing you are not going anywere.


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

tacoma said:


> You could always pay him a surprise visit to his northern apartment in the middle of the night.


All flights get there early when he's working and he looks after the Motel there too, not sure how to swing this idea. I would though.


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

the guy said:


> If you can hire a PI, then you can afford that suprise visit. During that visit look for a PI or google it and find ones in his area.
> 
> I know this are trying times but once you make a plan and work the plan it will give you some direction. this crap is hard and trust your gut.
> Often its so easy to keep the blinders on and deny the unthinkable, but now you know what you need to do, so follow thru.
> ...


I do anything to find the truth, that's why I posted. I hate being lied to by anyone.


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

2ndchanc81370 said:


> I can imagine how you feel Wife_in_Pain. I have been through the same and the fear, the dread, the lost feeling and the pain are just brewing ready to explode. I really feel bad for anyone who has to go through this.
> 
> My only advise for you (since everyone here has given you terrific ones on how to search and find out the truth) would be, to brace yourself. Prepare yourself. If your suspicions are proven right then, its going to be a painful ride. One thing you can be sure of -- you have friends who understand in this forum.


Thanks so much, he didn't have to stay there this long anyways, our kids are gone.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

If you truly want to get to the bottom of his whereabouts, 
the first thing you need to do is remember patience.

Yes, patience.

Don't let your mind go wild on you... then you end up blowing
up at him, exposing what little about his actions you really are aware of,
and end up chasing him off before you learn the whole truth.

NO!

You're here.... that means your seeing red flags.
I know this is scary, but use it to your advantage.

Do what others have suggested.... gather as much evidence as possible before unloading on him. 

VAR's for the car/truck.
Purchase a GPS tracker/logger (I have on and they work GREAT).
Key Logger for his PC.
Cell phone records (check online).

All of the above will give you solid proof as to whether or not he's up to no good. 

Start NOW!


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

This is killing me, I'm so lonely anyways, if he has someone else I need to know. I want love too and don't want to wait for him.


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

cantthinkstraight said:


> If you truly want to get to the bottom of his whereabouts,
> the first thing you need to do is remember patience.
> 
> Yes, patience.
> ...


He's far up north, nothing is easy for me to do, can a women here help me snag him? Through email? Just a thought, don't kill me for asking.


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

I'm so desperate.


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## Wife_in_pain (Jul 10, 2012)

PM me if you can help me please!


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