# desperate!!



## confused and desperate (Jun 12, 2014)

So in January I found out my husband has been cheating on me. My brother and mother found out first and needed to let me know. I did not want to believe them, but once confronted, he admitted. it was with a friend of his, and I guess mine too. He told me that he felt loved with her, he felt she cared, and she was what he wanted me to be .... she is also married with four children. Her husband was working out of town, so that's how the affair went on for like 6 months. He would tell me that he was going to a friend's house or Walmart, but late at night, of course I believed him all the time. Now, I am 5 months pregnant and I feel so devastated and confused. I cry every day. I know he has feelings for her still. she called him last month to ask for help, and he said he will always be there to help her out. this is not easy at all... we have a 2 1/2 year old and now pregnant. we tried counseling and didn't complete our sessions. what to do?:scratchhead:


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Uh, he said he will always be there for her?!?!?! Holy crap.

Kick him out of the house and hire an attorney. Counseling is a waste of time because he's still in contact with her and doesn't sound like he is ready to end it with her. He's probably still sleeping with her.

Please read this link

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...e-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

You also need to let the other woman's husband know that he's been sharing his wife.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There is no way that you can allow him to be there to help her out. The only way that marital recovery can work is if he goes completely no contact with her. You have to insist on this.

Get the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. It will tell you what you need to do.

Does her husband know about the affair? If you need to tell her husband. He needs to know.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I do understand you are pregnant, but clearly he is adding stress you do not need. Can you stay with your parents and rid yourself of him? I mean, he is in love with her and only giving you token time. That's no way for a husband/father to act. 

When separated, it will give you time to think more clearly as to how to best move forward- with or without him.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

You have to be strong for your self and your child. 

First - do NOT contact this other woman, but do contact her husband and let him know what's going on. 

Second - tell him he has one chance to save his family and you are willing for the sake of your family to work with him but he has to stop seeing this woman immediately and have no further contact with her at all. 

If he doesn't fully commit immediately and drop her then tell him to leave and not return AT ALL. If he thinks he can be in her bed at night and at your breakfast table when he feels like it or needs a break from her he'll do it. Respect yourself and don't tolerate this at all. 

Third: See a lawyer immediately - even if he decides to give your marriage another chance. Tell the lawyer what's going on and find out what responsibilities he has in a divorce/separation. 

Forth: secure your finances. If he's been handling the finances - that ends TODAY. Take control of finances. Find out what assets are in the marriage and keep an eye on them. In other words, he shouldn't be giving her any money, buying her groceries, buying her kids gifts etc. Keep track of what happens to the money in the family. 

Demand respect - but you need to start by respecting yourself. It's clear he doesn't respect the marriage but he needs to respect the mother of his children.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The ONLY way you can save this marriage is if you act swiftly and forcefully. NICE DOES NOT WORK. Ok? MAD works. He fears your anger. Good. Stay mad. Tell him he has ONE CHANCE to avoid you taking him to the cleaners for everything he has earned so far and will earn in the future. Tell him you WILL NOT SHARE HIM with another woman and if he can't go No Contact with this 'woman' you will make his life hell and he will never see you or his children again. (yes, empty threats, but he NEEDS to see you MAD AS HELL)

You only get one chance at this. Do it right. Do it strong. Do it mad. And call his parents and his siblings and his best friend and his pastor TODAY and tell them that he's committing adultery.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

Sorry your here. A 180 would be a good start. When he says he loves her believe him. You have no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes. Its all based on superficial bullsh!t, sex and no responsibilities to each other. No contact and tell everyone. Go file. Any chance at him wanting to reconcile will start with you showing him with actions, not words on how miserable his life is about to become if he doesn't do everything you want him to do. It will take him years to get over loving this other women. I guarantee he has not told how deep his love is for this women only enough to justify him still staying in contact. Your just now getting the first trickle truth. It is much worse and unfortunately you will need to hear it all or you it will haunt your marriage forever. It is really bad. I wouldn't blame you at all for leaving and not even trying. 

Your husband is selfish bast!ard. Your pregnant and he goes and cheats. What moral fiber is this man made of?


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Make sure the OWH knows also. As long as he stays in contact with her the affair will continue.

If you have read the other threads you know you have to be strong and fight and even some times fight dirty.

Please do not rugsweep and be the "Nice" girl you are fighting for your children too not only yourself.

Maybe your husband is salvageable, but you must be willing to fight to get him to understand and give you TRUE remorse for what he has done. Otherwise you will not have a commitment to one another.

Also, you have to decide for yourself do you want to stay married to this POS who will cheat on you and cheat with a Married Woman. Sorry, the pain he has caused you and the pain he has caused the OWH classifies him as a POS to me.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

tell the OWH (other womens husband)...like NOW!


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

So what have you decided to do?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

And another thing...get pissed...don't let your old man see how weak you really feel. With a smile on your face wish him the best and get the phuck out.

See your old man must see a strong women that doesn't take any crap from anyone especially a POS lier that stabed you in the back.

I'm telling you girl now is the time to show some tough love, a confident women, and someone that can just let them go.....

Even if you can't pull this off you have to fake it or he will walk all over you.

The trick....is with a bad ass additude, he just might start to second guess what he is losing, thinking twice in what he is giving up. he must see that you will not stand for his bull crap!

Any other way will just let him cake eat and add more emotional torture for your self down the road.

A long time ago some one here at TAM wrote "just let them go".....this kind of think might save your marriage.


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## sammy7111 (Apr 19, 2014)

you need to kick him out and tell her husband what's going on


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