# it just takes time!



## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Wifey wanted a quickie last night, wr raced upstairs, and she expects instant on. I said that was 20 years ago. She says im no longer attracted to her. I say no, it just takes a minute. She doesnt believe me. How do i explain this to her?
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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

It isn't magic, you know, and sometimes we might need a little stimulation.

Many things can effect this... nutrition, too much work, worry, concerns, etc. etc. Porn use has a very negative effect.

BUT, do not be too quick to attribute this to age. Yes there will be some changes but there are things that you can do to insure that you have a healthy hard on.

Remember this - it is all about blood flow. If you are eating stuff that is not good for you and those things are blocking the large arteries in your heart just think about what that stuff is doing to the smaller veins and arteries in your penis.

So eating healthy is the first good thing that you do for your hard on. The other is losing weight, and exercising. Both of these will help you have more free testosterone - which is the engine of lust.

And there are other supplements that you can take that will help you. Things like L- Arginine (which you should not take if you have had herpes - it stimulates the virus - L - lysine helps to keep that at bay...)

My overall point is that your wife needs to learn more about the mechanics of all of this. But maybe you do also. Too many men just accept diminished erections with age, but there are a lot of things you can do to keep yourself in good heath in this area.

I am 53 and I don't have any problems. However I also am aware of the times when I might not be at my peak performance. 

If you are interested there is a very good book, "The Hardness Factor" By Dr. Steven Lamm. You can find it on Amazon.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

That's a tough one G. Part of her assertion that you're not attracted to her is coming from her own feelings about herself. It's very easy to believe someone is not attracted to you when you don't think very highly of yourself. The other part of her assertion is just as you said, a lack of understanding that the older you get the more likely it is that getting an erection isn't an instant thought/action like a 17 year old.

Turn up the compliments and loving affection (see MEMs thread on affection porn) and send her this link : Erection Changes After 50: The Facts | Psychology Today


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Just because she is wet and ready doesn't mean you are.
A little foreplay does wonders to the moisture missile.
I think she would gain a sense of achievement knowing that she can touch you in the right spots to turn you on. 

Also, I'm sure the situation could be reversed where you have a raging wand and she isn't instantly wet and ready to go.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

A lot of men need foreplay and getting in the mood too. Try explaining that to her in a gentle, loving way. As one poster on this forum once said "men are not machines".

Reminds me of a gf I once had. She was gorgeous but very demanding. She would just get buck nekkid and lay on the bed and tell me to stick it in. I would start to caress and fondle her, she didn't like it and would demand I stick it in. so I did, and she would wince with pain saying "it's too big, it hurts!" I would go flat and then she would say: "what's the matter? Don't you love me?" LOL!!

It took 3 months before I could do it with her. Point is, we're not machines!!!!!


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

I appreciate the comments. Im actually a bit surprised i made a career out of getting critiqued for lack of foreplay, only to get critiqued for lack of instant on. Since i went there, i feel this huge pressure ha ha to end it fast too....curse you age-hormone-gender sex disparity!
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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Thats funny Gseries. 

And I also bet that most men, even younger can get instant boner.

specially after being with same gal for a while.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

At 20 I could be hard instantly. 

At 38 it takes a little foreplay , doesnt have to be much just caressing my wife feeling or feelong her next to me will do it.

if she wants me hard quickly she just has to touch my penis with her fingers or mouth. As she doesnt initiate thats just a fantasy of mine.
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