# H quits drinking, but seems to resent me for it.



## Lily_O

My H has been drinking 12-20oz of vodka per night for the last 8-9 months.
It has been a very sore spot with me since I feel I cannot count on him for anything after he gets off work (we have 4 kids and I have some health issues). Not to mention the fact that it is expensive and that it is going to kill him and leave me a widow with 4 kids and I have not yet even finished my education.

So we got in a huge fight about it the other night and he dumped it all down the drain. Basically quitting cold turkey right then.
I was surprised and am worried about what will happen to him physically for abruptly stopping like that. (I've been reading up on alcohol withdrawal) 

So that was night before last, and why he seems okay physically so far (I've read that it can take a while for the symptomes of withdrawal to kick in) he seems to be resentful of me about it.
He complains to me about his restless legs and that he had been using alcohol to medicate and now he 'can't'. He has been moping around the house and has cut off all physical affection toward me.

I understand that he may just be feeling crumby, so I haven't said anything to him about this, and I'm just trying to be patient and supportive.
I just don't like feeling like he is 'punishing' me for 'making' him quit drinking. (FTR, I only asked him to taper off, not go cold turkey. I was confronting him with a list of ways his drinking negatively impact me & the kids, so he dumped it out and then came up and said,"So what else are u going to b!tch about now?!")

Has anyone had to deal with this from their alcoholic SO?
How did u handle it?
How long, if ever, till I get my H back?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Waking up to life

1) He needs to see a doctor ASAP. Quitting alcohol cold turkey like that, especially given the amount he drank, can have fatal consequences (seizures, gastric bleeding). This is very dangerous and he needs to be under medical care. 

2) You aren't responsible for his drinking, and you aren't responsible for his childish behavior. I would highly recommend reading the book Codependent No More. It will help you to understand your emotional response to your husband's alcoholism, and it will help you to find ways to stop beating yourself up for his choices.


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## Navy3

Hi, my husband runs up large debts (gambling involved at some level) & has been heavy into drinking although im not sure he'd class as a alcoholic he's been into drinking heavily on a reg. basis. 

im sure he is battling with at least 2 forms of addiction.

i can 2nd the advice of reading up codependant no more - i came across the word enabling. i've found it v hard to face things,but finding out more is helping me. i've bought some books 2nd hand off Amazon. the first step is seeing there is a problem.

my husband has told some terrible lies to cover,excuse is behaviour - GASLIGHTING. Trust your gut feelings,start listening to yourself more.

there are meetings for the family of people who are alcoholic's, can't think what it's called,someone will post it.
read up, start looking after yourself. i have felt so terribly alone but feel a bit better now i understand a bit more. get a saving account in your own name & put bits away, i can't trust my hubby with £ around.


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## Helpme1

He quit out of spite. Many quit and have no physical symptoms. Kinda says he wasnt physically addicted. Do you do anything that you have any part in the relationship not being what you want? His drinking is on him but what about the rest? I am not implying anything just posing a few questions you should ask yourself.

Goodluck


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## Freak On a Leash

Lily_O said:


> (FTR, I only asked him to taper off, not go cold turkey. I was confronting him with a list of ways his drinking negatively impact me & the kids, so he dumped it out and then came up and said,"So what else are u going to b!tch about now?!")
> 
> Has anyone had to deal with this from their alcoholic SO?
> How did u handle it?
> How long, if ever, till I get my H back?


FTR, alcoholics don't "taper off". They have to quit drinking. Period. My STBXH has pulled this routine 4 times in the last two years. He has stopped (for awhile) and twice had to be hospitalized for it. Another time he did it on his own but he was in very rough shape and another time he did it with a doctor's supervision and the use of medication. It's not easy and I hate to say it, but without follow up recovery treatment such as AA, therapy, doctor's care, it DOES NOT LAST. 

Right now my H is sober for the 4th time and he keeps telling me how he'll go back to drinking if I "push him". Nice. Once it again it's about someone else, not him. If he stays sober 6 months (about the usual amount of time) I'll be impressed. I just hope I can get divorced from him before he starts drinking again. I'm in the process filing. 

The way your husband is acting is a certain guarantee that he will go back to drinking. 

So you and ONLY you have a choice to make. Do you stay and put up with this rollercoaster or do you take our kids and leave or tell him to leave? 

Does he work? If so, you are entitled to support and hopefully you'll get it. I say "hopefully" because my H doesn't work and doesn't support me and my two kids right now. 

Does he have life insurance? Hopefully he does. I say that again because my H doesn't have it and once you are hospitalized for alcoholism and any other symptoms related to it, life insurance becomes VERY expensive to get. 

You need to protect yourself. Going to Al-anon is a good start. Seeing a divorce lawyer is another. One thing Al-anon will tell you is that this is ALL up to your H. You can't MAKE him do anything. All you can do is help yourself. 

Good luck because you are going to need it.


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## Runs like Dog

All addicts lie. About everything. All the time. All addicts resent you for 'making' them addicts. All addicts resent you for making them stop.


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## CallaLily

Its not real likely he quit cold turkey. My guess is he may be hiding it. A true addict, will do anything to keep how they want to feel going. If that means hiding and lying about it they will. He may need to be in an actual rehab/detox center, or at least under a doctors care.


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## Lily_O

I have been keeping an eye on his debit card/credit card accts and I know how much cash he has and he hasn't bought any more.
He has refused medical help to detox and has looked up a home detox program and has been following its advice (pushing lots of fluids, taking a bunch of supplements, etc.)
I have not smelled any alcohol either.
He felt pretty crumby for the fist few days but now seems to be doing much better.

I do believe that he has quit, and his attitude toward me has improved.
I understand that this may not last, though I am hopeful that it will.

We start our first MC session on Friday and then he will start IC.

I am not trying to be naive, and I am keeping my expectations to a minimum. Just taking it a day at a time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lily_O

Helpme1 said:


> He quit out of spite. Many quit and have no physical symptoms. Kinda says he wasnt physically addicted. Do you do anything that you have any part in the relationship not being what you want? His drinking is on him but what about the rest? I am not implying anything just posing a few questions you should ask yourself.
> 
> Goodluck


I know there is. I began to emotionally detach from him when I saw some of the online chats he was having with OW, and when he was drinking his heaviest.
I have also done some very co-dependent things like cover for him when he was too fvcked up to get to work.
I'm sure some of my frustration/anger/resentment for him and some of his choices hasn't exactly motivated him to make positive changes.

On the plus side, we have been arguing less since he has been sober.
I am also in IC to work on my communication skills.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShawnD

You can get him on a drug called naltrexone. It eases the withdrawal. If he tries drinking while taking it, it will prevent him from getting drunk.


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