# I cheated with a married man



## murrell2969 (Nov 7, 2010)

We met on a website where married people got to meet other married people 3yrs ago. I never intended to do anything but play around on the site. I even said I lived in my hometown instead where I reside 700 miles away. I will say I loved the attention I got from him. My husband and I had been together for almost 17 yrs when I met OM. H has had so many affairs that I can't remember all of their names. He was even engaged to one. Along with that came mental, physical, and financial abuse. 

So, it was easy to fall for this man who only showed me positive attention. We eventually met up. I was still in love w my husband and he with his wife. I felt so much guilt because I had become the other woman. His wife and him had serious issues too, I allowed that to make the affair ok and it wasn't. He too expressed mental abuse in his marriage. Long story short, he left his wife 3 months ago. He could no longer take the toll that the marriage was putting on him and their 2 daughters. My marriage was pretty much over when I found out H was engaged to a woman he had known 4 mos. He's the first person in his family to get a divorce. We know we r crazy to believe a relationship built on lying to our spouses can work. But we are committed to being open to whatever it takes. I am 41 and black, hes 38 and black. His daughters are mixed, white and Mexican. That in itself is going to setup its own set of problems. 

Y does love make u absolutely lose your mind?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Love has a funny way of doing that, it did it with you and your exhusband so many years ago, and it will do it again when it leaves you with our current man, and then you fall in love with someone else in a few years.
Funny how love works. As I believe love matters, I also believe in mind over matter.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

murrell2969 said:


> We met on a website where married people got to meet other married people 3yrs ago. I never intended to do anything but play around on the site. I even said I lived in my hometown instead where I reside 700 miles away. I will say I loved the attention I got from him. My husband and I had been together for almost 17 yrs when I met OM. H has had so many affairs that I can't remember all of their names. He was even engaged to one. Along with that came mental, physical, and financial abuse.
> 
> So, it was easy to fall for this man who only showed me positive attention. We eventually met up. I was still in love w my husband and he with his wife. I felt so much guilt because I had become the other woman. His wife and him had serious issues too, I allowed that to make the affair ok and it wasn't. He too expressed mental abuse in his marriage. Long story short, he left his wife 3 months ago. He could no longer take the toll that the marriage was putting on him and their 2 daughters. My marriage was pretty much over when I found out H was engaged to a woman he had known 4 mos. He's the first person in his family to get a divorce. We know we r crazy to believe a relationship built on lying to our spouses can work. But we are committed to being open to whatever it takes. I am 41 and black, hes 38 and black. His daughters are mixed, white and Mexican. That in itself is going to setup its own set of problems.
> 
> Y does love make u absolutely lose your mind?


It's not love between you & OM. Your OM would very soon show you his negative attention.

When you don't live together, you would never know you can get alone.

What you & your OM did so far, is merely finding a quiet & secretive place for lust.

It's like you take a pain killer, using the OM, to get away your marriage problems. 

After you finished the effect, you need another pain killer. Basically you don't solve nothing in your marriage.

When the OM gets divorced, he will be free as a single man. He no longer needs you as his pain killer. I don't see a reason why he must be stick to you faithfully since you're married.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I have always wondered why people who cheat or get in a relationship that started with cheating think things will be any different with them. He cheated on his wife; what is it that makes you so confident that you are the one woman that can make him not cheat? Or maybe a better way of putting it would be what was so horrible about his wife that he cheated on her? I ask the second question because what you have to consider is that no matter what awful things he says about her, he loved her (or thought he did, anyway) once. And...how do you know that the things he says about her are true and not just (a) what he said to convince you it was ok, and (b) what he convinced himself of being true so that he could think the affair was ok. 

Another thing to consider...stepchildren complicate even a relationship that didn't start with breaking up the marriage. They decide they don't like stepmom/dad, and try to make life hell, with no justification other than they think the shirt you wore the first time they met you was ugly. Having an affair with their father that has broken up his marriage to their mother gives them *a lot* of justification to not like you....which is going to make your relationship with him very difficult. Not to mention a great excuse if he decides he wants to get rid of you....all he has to do is say his kids don't like you and he has to put them first. 

I think, if you want out of your marriage, that's your decision to make, and you should do so. But you should do so without thinking that you'll be with this other guy, and you should plan your new life without planning it around him. If it all works out and you end up together living happily ever after, great. But if you end your marriage and plan your new life around the other guy and it doesn't last, then you'll be horribly disappointed and filled with regret.


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## murrell2969 (Nov 7, 2010)

Not trying to defend any decisions I made to have an affair. It was selfish and harmful. Just want to know how two intelligent people end up in a situation like ours? How does a person become so desperate to connect with another person that common sense and morals go out the window? I have always been the person who did the right thing. I spoke up when I saw someone mistreated. I was miss goody 2 shoes. He was an Eaglescout, married his only sexual partner and gf. He volunteers his help all the time at the kids schools and with family and friends. U r right I only know who I am and what I have done. I need to know how I got here. What does this say about me? My marriage was over already before I met OM. I was holding on to something that H didn't want anymore. He shows me this by having affairs in my face. He changed his status on FB to separated and looking to meet women. I don't know y I didnt just leave.


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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

I think you answered your own question. You said you all were desperate. You both were seeking positive attention and didn't care where it came from and now it's possibly turned into infatuation between you both.
You can't be certain you have the truth about the cause of his marriage dissolving because everything about your relationship is built on lies and you both are used to lying to make things easier for yourselves.
I think you need to take a deep breath and a step back. Evaluate your situation and do what's best for you. My suggestion is to take some personal time before jumping into a relationship. Sounds like you've had a rough 17 years and all of this you are getting into sounds just like more mess to add to it. If it's meant to be then he'll still be there later on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## murrell2969 (Nov 7, 2010)

I truly believe its more than infatuation with me. Whats funny is I was more honest with him in the last 3 yrs than my husband. We have decided to date when we are both free to see if there is any substance to what we think we have found. Its been almost 20yrs w H. If nothing else time to let go of the pain.


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## murrell2969 (Nov 7, 2010)

I agree with you on your reply. Until I got myself into this situation I always said that I would never do the things I have. Always said I would not put up with abuse in a relationship of any kind. Always said I would never cheat. Yet here I am. Again not trying to excuse my behavior. Just trying to grasp how and y


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