# Advice from Husbands re: Kids



## pepper7 (Apr 2, 2013)

Hello,

This is my first post. I've been combing the message boards and reading posts similar to mine but felt the need to post my story/question. I realize at the end of the day the answer has to come from inside my marriage but I would love to get some input from husbands/dads out there regarding having children. Honestly, I'd love to talk to my own father about this a bit but this is such a sensitive topic, it's hard to discuss with family without their desires getting in the way. My father didn't want kids and my mom got pregnant and he left. He has a second one now but my sister is 18 years younger than I am so my father was considerably older when she was born and it was a planned, conscious decision, where I was a surprise. 

*Question:*
If you didn't want kids before and have them now, how do you feel? What brought you to the point where you decided to have children? Have your fears come true? Has age helped? What is your marriage like now? Do you still have a "wife" or just a mother to your children? If you feel like you just have a "mother" now, why is that? Do you own any responsibility in it? Are you "just a dad" now? What do you do to remind yourselves you were a couple before the kids?

General advice? Did having kids make you want to run fleeing from your marriage? 


*Background:*
I'm 32, my husband is 33. We've been married for six wonderful years, together for 10. We 'are" that couple that makes everyone want to throw up. We have a wonderful time together, we communicate well, never argue and just generally get along really well. I'm very grateful for what we have and have no complaints. We even both get along really well with our MILs. We have a good sex life. I say "good" because we have sex 3-5 times a week as opposed to twice a day , which would be more his preference. We have pets, no kids.

When we married, my husband and I agreed neither of us wanted kids, in the last year I've been slowly coming to the idea that I would like to have a baby of our own. I'm surrounded by pregnant women and babies all day long. My job is VERY family friendly so my boss brings his adorable children in several times a week. My brother in law and his wife just had their third little one. Part of me feels like I should find some child free women and surround myself with them but unfortunately, with the exception of 20 year olds that's pretty impossible. 

I started on Prozac about a year ago due to anxiety (runs in my family) and about two weeks into it, I suddenly had this overwhelming urge to have a baby. It lasted two weeks and then completely disappeared. It was a confusing and shocking two weeks for both of us!!! My poor husband lost a lot of sleep those two weeks. But, with the number of side effects that come in the first few weeks of being on any medication, I ignored it.

Well, I ended up getting pregnant in December. I chose to have an abortion. I could not allow such an important decision just happen to us. It was tough but I felt/still feel it was the right move. I don't think in my heart, I would ever have been okay and would have felt like I trapped him since we didn't plan to get pregnant and I didn't want to let a drunken error make the decision for us. Stupid, I know. I can't take birth control pills though so we use a diaphram. ANYWAY.

The baby feelings are back. When I told my husband I was pregnant, I was a wreck. I felt utterly awful and he took it much better than I did. He was completely supportive of my decision either way but when I told him I was pregnant one of the things he said to me, laughing as I was crying my eyes out was "Don't worry so much, so we utterly ruin our lives, big deal. It's fine, our family will be happy and we will be fine. I love you."

Well, while he was trying to be supportive in a very confusing moment, the "ruining our lives" part of that statement has stuck with me more than anything else. While he never ever pushed, I know he was very relieved when I had the procedure. He took excellent care of me the entire time. 

In all of these discussions he's said he always assumed he would have kids but since I didn't want any he was okay with that. Now, he has spent all of these years planning our lives CF and it's hard for him to picture our lives with a baby/child in it. He's worried about the normal things money, child care, etc and more than anything else his wife ignoring him completely and turning into a mom who doesn't care she was once a wife (which my mother flat out told me is what she did). I'm worried that I'll end up a single mom. I'm worried I'll end up just a mom and not a wife. I want to be a wife. I want the baby, if there is one, to FIT INTO our lives rather than the other way around. I love my husband and married him to be WITH HIM so I would not choose to leave him over this. No one in the world would get me as well as this man does. 

We are financially stable, my mother would take care of child care while we work. We both have professional jobs and work 50 hours a week. He would make an excellent father. He has told me he would give me a baby if I want one but that does NOT feel right. I WANT HIM to want it which isn't something I can force but without that I'm worried if we have a kid that I will spend the rest of my life wondering if he is about to leave me, not because I think HE actually would, he's a wonderful man but I have issues with my father leaving. I come from a long line of divorced people.  

I realize and own all of this. I know it. But knowing something and feeling something are different. I'm just seriously confused. I prefer things to be black/white and I feel like I'm sitting in a world of grey right now. 

I'm sorry this is so long. I just felt I should give you all the information I could . 

CONFUSED


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

Here's my input, FWIW...

My wife and I wanted kids and about two years into the marriage decided to have one. We now have a seven year old daughter who is absolutely awesome. Easy kid to raise. Super smart. Well behaved. Blah blah blah. 

That being said, I hate being a parent. Hate it. I've told people this before and they look at me like I'm a monster, but you need to separate your child from the act of being a parent. I love my daughter to death. But the every day drag of being a dad is so tiresome. Making her food, taking her to daycare, taking her to school, going to school functions, taking her to dance classes, waking up earlier than you'd like, not being able to just pick and go for a weekend - or just an evening - with your spouse. These are freedoms you don't have anymore. 

Now, there are things I experience from having her that I probably wouldn't experience from not having her. There is a level of pride and love for her that I don't think I even have with my wife. There are things that I love doing with her, things she'll say that'll melt your heart, all that lovey-dovey stuff. But for me, the mundane aspects of day to day parenting outweigh this. 

All this is coming from someone who WANTED kids. So I guess I'd be careful if I were you, especially if your husband isn't sold on the idea. This is one decision that lasts a loooong time.


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

pepper7 said:


> Hello,
> 
> This is my first post.... I've been combing the message boards and
> *[What is your marriage like now? Do you still have a "wife" or just a mother to your children? If you feel like you just have a "mother" now, why is that? *
> ...


My SO never wanted children either. His finally agreed at 36 only because his wife wanted one so badly. He was a terrible father, he didn't change his lifestyle at all to include a child. Naturally, that did not go over real well. He fully admits he never wanted a child and his wife was now a mother, not just his wife anymore. She divorced him when the child was 8. She's 16 now. He attends her school functions, cooks for her on her weekends with us, etc etc. He now genuinely enjoys her company (cough*not me*cough), but he is overjoyed when she leaves. As in jumping for joy happy. Being a father is just not for him. Considering he never wanted kids (and I know this because we dated for 5 years before he was married), I guess he does the best he can.

So, although he loves her deeply, he is not the kind of father I would want my child to have. To this day, my father seriously wishes me and my sisters would move back home! (We are all 40+) He is the kind of father all children should have, one that always wanted to be a father and he gets true joy from being a parent.

Sorry to be a downer, but this is the only experience I have with people who said they didn't want children, but had one anyway.


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## pepper7 (Apr 2, 2013)

Downer or not I prefer an honest answer, so that's perfectly okay. Please, bring them on! . Trust me, I'm known for being rather blunt. So it's better and cuts through all the BS.  Thank you for the responses so far, please, keep 'em coming. 

hawkeye - thank you, that DOES help. I wonder myself about those things. I wake up in the morning and role over to snuggle up with my husband and think "If we had a baby, I'd be out in the kitchen feeding it." Or whatever it may be so I can understand that and I don't think you are a monster. As you said, you have to be able to separate your roles in life.


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

pepper7 said:


> Downer or not I prefer an honest answer, so that's perfectly okay. Please, bring them on! . Trust me, I'm known for being rather blunt. So it's better and cuts through all the BS.  Thank you for the responses so far, please, keep 'em coming.
> 
> hawkeye - thank you, that DOES help. I wonder myself about those things. I wake up in the morning and role over to snuggle up with my husband and think *"If we had a baby, I'd be out in the kitchen feeding it."* Or whatever it may be so I can understand that and I don't think you are a monster. As you said, you have to be able to separate your roles in life.


There's a lot to be said for that too! The bond I have with my children? Unrelenting.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

There is a lot there to think about. But this really struck me:


> I want the baby, if there is one, to FIT INTO our lives rather than the other way around.


I don't think that is realistic at all. No matter how you slice it, you fit your life around the kids - and ESPECIALLY the baby. It is not that everything revolves around the children, but the vast majority of everything does. If it doesn't, I don't think you will be good parents (that doesn't mean you will be bad parents). The hard part is maintaining that husband/wife relationship as you really have to work to fit that in and keep it going. The other hard part is "giving up" the life you had. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it is not like you are trading down. But you're whole perspective on the world changes.


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## pepper7 (Apr 2, 2013)

pb76no said:


> There is a lot there to think about. But this really struck me:
> 
> I don't think that is realistic at all. No matter how you slice it, you fit your life around the kids - and ESPECIALLY the baby. It is not that everything revolves around the children, but the vast majority of everything does. If it doesn't, I don't think you will be good parents (that doesn't mean you will be bad parents). The hard part is maintaining that husband/wife relationship as you really have to work to fit that in and keep it going. The other hard part is "giving up" the life you had. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it is not like you are trading down. But you're whole perspective on the world changes.



I do want to clarify that I clearly understand that there will be feedings, nights without sleep, etc. But I don't believe in life circling around the child, it should circle around the family as a unit. Of course, that's just my view, as a childless person . But I think focusing on the family unit, rather than just the child's needs, is important and that is what I was trying to say and how I would like to approach parenting.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I love it but I always wanted kids so I may be weird in that way.

There is an aspect to her being a "mom" to where she has lost some of her identity as a sexual being. That part does suck.

Other than that, even with the massive frustrations they can cause, I wouldn't trade being their father for the world!

And pepper7, I completely agree with you. I think too many people put TOO much into their kids. We are even guilty of that at times.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I have two children, six and three. I adore them and I love being their mother. They were very much planned and wanted. I would have liked more. 

All that said, I don't think you should have them. It's a nice idea, have them fit in to your life, and maybe it's possible when they're older, but five years is a long time, more if you have more than one. And if you end up with twins, or a child with special needs, forget it. 

It's impossible to explain the relentlessness of it all. No sleeping past 7.00. No morning sex. You work 50 hours a week? I would rather kill myself than get up three times a night then work full time. Children need to be looked after and entertained on the weekends. If you're lucky they'll be easy to take to cafes and things, but plenty of my friends have kids who have way too much energy for that.

How old is your mother? Is she really going to be okay looking after your kid for 50 hours a week for five years? I'd be very surprised if that was the case. I would think she'll burn out pretty quickly and it's way too much to ask someone to do without a fair wage. Also, if she's helping you so significantly during the week you won't be able to ask her to help on weekends etc so you can go out together sometime.

Children are pretty much the only thing you can't ever get out of if you're a halfway decent human being anyway. You can quit jobs, move houses, get divorced, but once that child is there, that's it. 

One of the best descriptions I ever heard of having children was that it was all joy, no fun. Pretty accurate really. You need to be prepared that everything in your life will change, then if it doesn't you can be pleasantly surprised. 

The fact you're so steadfast about a baby fitting in with you, and not giving up your life etc makes me think this would be a bad idea.


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## pepper7 (Apr 2, 2013)

Lyris said:


> It's impossible to explain the relentlessness of it all. No sleeping past 7.00. No morning sex. You work 50 hours a week? I would rather kill myself than get up three times a night then work full time.
> 
> How old is your mother? Is she really going to be okay looking after your kid for 50 hours a week for five years? I'd be very surprised if that was the case. I would think she'll burn out pretty quickly and it's way too much to ask someone to do without a fair wage. Also, if she's helping you so significantly during the week you won't be able to ask her to help on weekends etc so you can go out together sometime.
> 
> ...



My mother is 59, healthy and somehow has more energy than half the people her age. People often think she's in her early fourties (I just hope I'm lucky enough to feel that way at her age!). She would be more than willing to take care of our baby 50 hours a week, honestly she would love it if we had one and just handed it to her. My mom is one of those women that was born to mother, she wanted a dozen kids. While not even close to the same thing, she regularly kidnaps our dog from us on the weekends to "spend time with her" (She is a pretty awesome dog ). 

Also, we would definitely pay her for her time. As I said, we are financially stable, we actually just bought my mom a house to live in so we would just take care of her living expenses plus she get's some (albeit small) money from some investments each month. 

Maybe it sounds naive but I'm not worried about the day to day stuff, the feedings, the sleepless nights, those to me come with the territory and like with anything in life, pass in time. Again, not the same I realize but I've babysat, even through those loud screaming nights for my nephews when their mother had the flu. I have several good friends/co workers that I see coming in to work on a daily basis in a "zombie" trance from lack of sleep. I hear all the sick calls having to rush to school to pick them up for an ear infection. Etc. I know I have a strong support system in place (his mother has told us more than once she would move nearby if I got pregnant, shes only three hours a way and has been looking at places nearby). Knowing what a strong support system I have, makes me feel like it wouldn't be AS difficult as normal. It's the peace of mind knowing family would be around. I can't in my mind deal with putting a child in day care full time. 

I guess I just wanted to hear from people what their marriage was like, what they were like as individuals, if they still felt like people or just parents. I don't mean that to sound negative, my mom would be an excellent example of someone who would take a bullet for her kid and would do anything to help me. That being said, I want to retain some sense of self as a person and a wife. I guess it's all about balance and I have to figure out if that's something I/we can achieve. 

I'm 32 so I feel I have a year or two to decide fully. We are in the process of hunting for a new home and I need to up my exercise routine a bit so I'm definitely not rushing into things. I really do appreciate everyone taking time to respond.

Thanks so much.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

You said in the beginning you have a strong, healthy relationship with your H. That's important because any existing problems would probably be magnified once you have kids. You can retain your individuality, but your identity will change. You can also keep your marriage strong but that will take work and focus. Good luck and best wishes whatever you decide.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

Pepper,

To address your question about what it did to my marriage...not really anything. I wouldn't say it's any better or worse because of a child. 

But again, we both wanted kids, so I'm maybe not in the demographic you're looking for answers from. Your husband doesn't appear sold on the idea, so just be careful. Once it's done you can't take it back.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I had a child while I was still a child and luckily beat the statistics and the wife and I know have 3 children, we both have degrees, etc etc.

My only input is if my wife wanted kids now I would be 100% against it. I would get a divorce before having more kids at this point. Thank gosh my wife has no urge for anymore too 

We have friends who adopting at 40 and they already have 2 kids...........all I can think is "YA'LL ARE CRAZY PEOPLE!!" I look forward to being a empty nester and travelling the world, selling the big house, and buying a condo in the city!


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> I had a child while I was still a child and luckily beat the statistics and the wife and I know have 3 children, we both have degrees, etc etc.
> 
> My only input is if my wife wanted kids now I would be 100% against it. I would get a divorce before having more kids at this point. Thank gosh my wife has no urge for anymore too
> 
> We have friends who adopting at 40 and they already have 2 kids...........all I can think is "YA'LL ARE CRAZY PEOPLE!!" I look forward to being a empty nester and travelling the world, selling the big house, and buying a condo in the city!


God, me too, man. I'll be 42 when my daughter, hopefully, goes off to college. Lots of good years to enjoy life. I can't imagine restarting that clock now. My folks and my in-laws have kids at home yet in their upper 50s. Yuck.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Everything you do in life, you do as a conscous choice.

You can choose to be a good mother and you can choose to be a good wife, just as your husband can choose to be a good father or not.

What you have to discuss with your husband is what choices are the two of you going to make in the future with or without children?

You are making a mistake by waiting until your husband "wants" a child. That is not really how men operate (i.e there is not really that biological pull)... But are you confident that he is man enough to be a Husband and Father, and are you woman enough to be your children's mother AND your husband's girlfriend?

Some things leap out at me.....What is virtually impossible is to be a good WORKER, WIFE and MOTHER all at the same time. It's damn hard to be a good WIFE and MOTHER at the same time, but we humans have been given the capacity to do that, and it can be done if you make yourself do it... But if you are trying to work, be a good mother and a sexy wife, your life will turn into misery as you cannot do anything to your satisfaction and you see your husband, child and boss suffer for you trying to do more than is humanly possible.

Also, I find it odd that you want a baby, and yet you had an abortion.... Very few people who want babies have abortions. So maybe you need some counseling to understand what you do want in life?


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I didn't want to touch the abortion issue but well put Hicks.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

If you want a baby to "fit into your lives", forget it. A baby dominates your life at first, especially the first one, when you are absolutely clueless about such things. After that, they still dominate the landscape, and that doesn't mean they call the shots. They need attention for a long time. It's an enormous amount of work. There's no way you can maintain your current lifestyle and raise a kid too. 

You need to think about what it is to be in a family or have a family. There will be sacrifices and gains. Finding balance will be challenging. And having your mother put in 50 hours per week babysitting won't change that. 

For my part, I wasn't opposed to having kids. My wife wanted them and it just seemed natural to me. I was equally involved as my wife in every aspect of their raising except for breast feeding. I was the designated puke cleaner-upper because she has a weak stomach and the designated ER person because she isn't good with blood or stitches. 

I think you need to think of it as your current life taking a back seat and your family life coming in to being.


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## pepper7 (Apr 2, 2013)

Hicks said:


> Everything you do in life, you do as a conscous choice.
> 
> Also, I find it odd that you want a baby, and yet you had an abortion.... Very few people who want babies have abortions. So maybe you need some counseling to understand what you do want in life?


I appreciate your input, I don't want this to turn into a political discussion but that statement about "very few people" is a bit sweeping and I feel inaccurate. I can say that comfortably both from the research I've done and from the many women I've dealt with working in the medical field. I've talked to these women, listened to them, been friends with them (am one) so I have to gently nudge you about that as, at least in my personal experience, that has not been the case at all. 



Hicks said:


> Everything you do in life, you do as a conscous choice.
> 
> But are you confident that he is man enough to be a Husband and Father, and are you woman enough to be your children's mother AND your husband's girlfriend?


I like this. That is very valid. It is about choice. It is about discipline (With yourself). That's going to stick with me the most. thank you. 

Counseling wouldn't hurt, I'm of the general opinion that EVERYONE should be in counseling at some point, we all have demons to deal with but I try to be honest with myself about what issues I have and why, so I feel like I have a good grasp of any "underlying" issues that I could have. 

I think realistically this has been such a shock to us because I've spent 31 out of 32 years planning on NOT having kids and thus the entirety of my marriage planning on being CF.

I do have an excellent relationship with my husband and that's what will get us through the decision either way. He's an excellent Uncle to his nephews, great with my little sister so really, I have no worries about him as a father. I think I just need to decide what my expectations are of us as parents and spouses to each other. 

For now, I've decided to focus on the things that need to be done prior to even trying. I'm going to sign up for some parenting magazines, decide on a new home, and see how that goes. I realize for a lot of people the decision of HAVING kids isn't even a question, it's a must and just something you DO in life so it can be hard for some to understand when you haven't spent your entire life planning on parenting. 


Again, thanks for everything everyone. I do appreciate the input.

Have a wonderful day TAM!


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

*Pepper:*

You’ve raised so many issues – I’ll just try and briefly hit the questions you directly asked:



pepper7 said:


> If you didn't want kids before and have them now, how do you feel?


I was neither for nor against. I think men generally tend to be more like that than women. Biologically – any time is a good time for us guys to have children so these “I want children urges” they’re not as strong.



pepper7 said:


> What brought you to the point where you decided to have children?


At the ripe old age of 33 Ms. Spin said “My ovaries ain’t getting any younger Mr. Spin so take me now or loose me forever you big stud.”



pepper7 said:


> Have your fears come true?


No, people worry too much about $Hi#&. If you have fears, I can assure you that if you and your husband are people of integrity and conviction you will rise to them.



pepper7 said:


> Has age helped?


Absolutely. I was 40 when we had our first Little Unit and 43 for our second. Back in the day, I was far too self-centered to have been a truly thoughtful, committed and genuine Father – not to say that I would have been bad however. As an “older Father” I believe I bring a unique perspective and sense of understanding and commitment to my children. On-the-other hand I’ll probably be lucky to see my Grandchildren. 



pepper7 said:


> What is your marriage like now?


Neither better nor worse. To me, its just another stage and role in our lives. Infant, child, son/daughter, teenager, young adult, Momma and Papa, and so and so on.



pepper7 said:


> Do you still have a "wife" or just a mother to your children? If you feel like you just have a "mother" now, why is that?


I have both and that is good. Very good. 



pepper7 said:


> Do you own any responsibility in it?


Absolutely. Too many people forget that marriage is a team sport.



pepper7 said:


> Hello,
> Are you "just a dad" now?


Naw. Somedays I feel like “just a paycheck”, somedays I feel like the most magical, special Daddy in the whole world. Somedays I feel like the luckiest guy alive. Point being, life is full of ups and downs. Always, regardless of who and what you are.



pepper7 said:


> What do you do to remind yourselves you were a couple before the kids?


We still are. And besides some of the crazy things Ms. Spin and I did back in the day . . . damn I’m too old for that $#@% now-a-days!



pepper7 said:


> Did having kids make you want to run fleeing from your marriage?


No. Never. They’re our kids. How magical is that.



pepper7 said:


> General advice?


The best advice I can give you is in my signature line below. It is something that was told to me by a complete stranger when my Son was born and I believe it is some of the most profound advice I’ve ever received.


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## MissMe (Feb 26, 2013)

pepper7 said:


> I do want to clarify that I clearly understand that there will be feedings, nights without sleep, etc. But I don't believe in life circling around the child, it should circle around the family as a unit. Of course, that's just my view, as a childless person . But I think focusing on the family unit, rather than just the child's needs, is important and that is what I was trying to say and how I would like to approach parenting.


This reminds me of my sister who had children many many years after I did. She and her husband were staunch believers that the children would not at all slow them down. They'd just drag the kids where ever they were going, no bid deal. Their children would fit into their lifestyle, and nothing much would change.
:rofl:

It didn't quite work out that way.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

There is another thread on this and I stated the same thing there.

I thought I didn't want kids. But I had them later in life, in my 50's and it has been the most wonderful experience of my lifetime. I was an adventurer too, things people here would think I was lying about if I told them. Kids blew all of those experiences out of the water. 

But I was also a very warm, giving individual. A dog person, not a cat person. And if you give that warmth/love to a child it is magnified and reflected back upon you a hundredfold. In my experience anyway.

When they turn out to be cannibalistic serial killers I'll eat my words. But I don't think that very likely.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

If your mother is looking after your baby for 50+ hours a week, it will be your mother he or she bonds to as the primary caregiver. That may or may not be a problem for you, I don't know.

And no, I'm not the same person I was before my kids. My relationship, while very good, is not the same. We just don't have the same time together as we used to, and if course that is going to change things. 

TBH, your posts read as though you are trying to find a way to fit a baby into an already very busy life without much change. If your mother is going to be looking after the baby during the week and your MIL is there to help on the weekend, when are you actually going to spend time with an awake, interacting child? Every second weekend? During the night? What's the point if having one? 

I think you're hoping for a particular kind of answer here, and you're not going to get it. And I'm sure you'll ignore any negative things people say. I can hear so much of my pre-child self in your posts. People would tell me this stuff and I'd nod and smile and think, "yeah, but not for me. It won't be like that for me." Yeah. It totally was. Every bit and worse. 

And I had a healthy, single baby. I cant imagine what it would be like with a sick baby, or twins. Her only issue was she didn't sleep well, she woke every hour and a half for the first 18 months, didn't nap more than 40 minutes at a stretch ever. She's fine now, as a six year old, just wakes occasionally with a bad dream. Of course, I now have a three year old as well, who wakes between 1 and 3 times a night. So there are times that I am up four times still, because although my husband is an awesome dad who they adore, only mummy is acceptable at night. 

I was 34 when my first was born. I'm sure I would have handled the lack if sleep much better as a 25 year old and you've already missed that prime biological window. And before you say it, I was and am a very fit, active pregnant woman and new mother. I ran and did yoga through both my pregnancies. I was back exercising 2 weeks after each birth. Didn't help much. 

Unles you can truly embrace the fact that your life, relationship and probably body will change, don't have a baby.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

More to think about...

The decision to have a child is a decision to GIVE ... it is not a decision to GET.

You give energy, time, love, money, career sacrifice to your child. What you get is the fulfillment of raising a child.

What a child needs most are a stable and loving marriage to be raised in, and parents to bond with.

So, it's so fundamentally important, if you have a child, to focus on bonding with your child, and keeping your husband's happiness and your marriage very high on your list or what is important. Many mom's make the mistake of caring too much for a child, and ignoring their husband and the mistake they are making is dismissing the importance of an intact, happy family on a child. That is THE MOST important thing you can give a child.

And what you are getting is the fulfillment you feel from being a great mother. You also get a husband who is motiviated to keep the source of all the emotional and physical fulfillment he is recieving very high on his list of what is important. Are you ready for that to be your core of your life?


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