# Attracted to a woman at my wife's office



## dg59166 (Sep 26, 2014)

I am happily married for the last 16 years. I am in my early 50’s and do love my wife, and the life we share together. Yet somehow, I have become infatuated with one of her co-workers 24 years younger than me. What’s worse is I am suspicious the co-worker knows, or at least suspects, and I feel tremendous guilt about it.

My wife and I work at separate companies, but they are located across the street from each other (just a coincidence). I am often coming and going from my wife’s office for lunch, use the car, etc. Everyone in her office knows who I am, and I get along well with them. My conduct has always been purely professional, even in after hours events, and have been accepted as one of the crew, if you may.

The young woman I have mentioned has been at my wife’s company before she started there. I know she has been in a relationship the entire time, and I have no aspirations or even desire, to be with her in place of my wife. The issue is this young woman is one of the most attractive women I have ever met in my life. I have always in the past made a conscious effort to keep conversations and interactions short and casual, and not to be creepy in staring or leering at her. But I do regularly think about this young woman. Last year, she and I connected via social media, so I see photos and things about her too, but I have never tried to message her, or make any type of outside contact with her.

Last week, my wife’s company was having a social at a bar down the road from our workplaces. My wife asked if I wanted to go, and I agreed. I actually got there ahead of my wife, she had a call that came up, and actually didn’t get there until 20 minutes after I did. In the meantime, I saw where her coworkers were, and I went over. As I was looking around for our waiter, I noticed the young woman at another part of the bar, talking with another man, not her boyfriend. I have no idea why, but for some reason, I kept looking at her, and who she was with. I made eye contact with her on more than one occasion, but no other recognition. Eventually my wife got there, and I got my focus back. My wife and I hung out for about 30 minutes, then left. 

For the next several days, the thoughts of my behavior were forefront in my head. I know my wife suspects nothing, but I was concerned about how the young woman’s opinion of me had changed, if any. About a week later, I decided to try something to see what her reaction would be. The young woman is a notary, and from time to time, she will notarize things for me. I sent her an e-mail asking if I could stop by when I was to have lunch with my wife to have her notarize something. I did not hear back from her, and when I went over at lunch, she was not at her desk, and her car was not in the parking lot. About an hour later, I got an e-mail from her stating she went home sick, and would also be out for a few more days. I told her no problem, I would find another notary. A few minutes later, I needed to go to an appointment. My wife and I drove together that day, and when I crossed the street to her office, I noticed the young woman’s car, parked well away from where she normally parks. 

I feel horrible that I am letting another woman occupy my thoughts like this. I’m upset at myself that I’m acting like a love-sick teenager, paranoid and actually concerned about what she thinks of me. When I have a wonderful wife who actually loves and cares about me, and our life we are sharing together. I don’t think the young woman would confront me, or my wife about this, since much of this could be circumstantial, and the burden of proof would be almost impossible to meet. But I am also concerned that any office gossip at my wife's company would A) label me as being a creepy old man, B) affect my wife’s relationship with her co-workers. I don’t know if I am looking for advice, or simply getting something off my chest. I do know that I am going to have to be on my guard even more at her office now, and may change a few things so I can avoid any further appearances of impropriety.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Pretty common midlife stuff.

What type of shape are you in?

Do you work out?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

First, stop following her on social media. The less exposure you have to her, the better it will be for you. Seeing pictures of her on social media, knowing what she's up to, just feeds the fantasy in your head. 

Second, spend a little time thinking through what would actually happen if you ever really made a play for your wife's pretty officemate. Really think through the details. Not the Pornhub version of them, but the realities. The look of betrayal and hurt on your wife's face, the tears, the well-deserved anger, the nasty divorce process, the financial costs, the loss of respect from your family and friends, the reactions of your children (if you have them), everything about your current life that you enjoy that would disappear if you got stupid. Then, make a plan to do better. 

Finally, control yourself and stop obsessing on this woman. And before you say you "can't" stop, the fact is that, yes, you can. You just have to want to and force yourself to act accordingly. Stop allowing your eyes to meet across a crowded room. Stop asking her to notarize stuff for you. Surely there's a notary among the staff in your own company. Stop looking for her car. Stop doing things to see how she'll react. Just stop. When thoughts of her pop into your mind, intentionally redirect your thoughts to your wife. When you catch yourself looking for her, or her car, or some sign of her, redirect your thoughts to something else. Control yourself, your actions, your words, your intentions, and your thoughts. 

If all else fails, tell your wife about your attraction to her co-worker. Tell her that you're struggling with your attraction and need her help to get yourself under control. Either she will understand and want to help you devise strategies to avoid temptation, or her betrayed reaction will keep you more than busy for a while. You may also find that revealing your crush eliminates some of the seductive allure that comes with having a secret, and thereby lessens the appeal of this other woman.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Ditch the social media ...immediately. She might be pretty but your mind is fabricating her into something she is not.

Reveal your crush to your wife...end the mystery. Do it before it turns into an EA ...in your own mind.

Your approaching creepy old man status.


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## kekkek (Apr 5, 2018)

dg59166 said:


> The young woman I have mentioned has been at my wife’s company before she started there. I know she has been in a relationship the entire time, and I have no aspirations or even desire, to be with her in place of my wife. *The issue is this young woman is one of the most attractive women I have ever met in my life*. I have always in the past made a conscious effort to keep conversations and interactions short and casual, and not to be creepy in staring or leering at her. But I do regularly think about this young woman. Last year, she and I connected via social media, so I see photos and things about her too, but I have never tried to message her, or make any type of outside contact with her.
> 
> Last week, my wife’s company was having a social at a bar down the road from our workplaces. My wife asked if I wanted to go, and I agreed. I actually got there ahead of my wife, she had a call that came up, and actually didn’t get there until 20 minutes after I did. In the meantime, I saw where her coworkers were, and I went over. As I was looking around for our waiter, I noticed the young woman at another part of the bar, talking with another man, not her boyfriend.* I have no idea why, but for some reason, I kept looking at her, and who she was with*. I made eye contact with her on more than one occasion, but no other recognition. Eventually my wife got there, and I got my focus back. My wife and I hung out for about 30 minutes, then left.


So this is an anonymous internet forum. I think the purpose of that is to be honest. That will help you understand and fix the situation.

Don't say "I have no idea why ... I kept looking at her". I think it might have something to do with the fact that she is "one of the most attractive women you have ever met", right?

According to your description, all you were doing was looking at her. *How* are you looking at her? What would others describe your actions as? Are you leering with your mouth open? You seem to be suggesting that she is deliberately avoiding you only because of this one time looking. I somehow doubt that is the case unless you really are behaving like a dirty old man. Maybe there is something else? Are you sure your previous actions were not "creepy" either?

You say you are infatuated with her. In what way exactly? Is it just that she is good looking? Does she have some special characteristics that float your boat? You say you are happy in your marriage, but "infatuated" implies that some other feelings are beginning. 

It just sounds like we're not getting the whole story, or that you're perhaps not being completely honest with yourself about your emotions and intentions. I don't think there is anything wrong or unexpected about developing a bit of a crush (I posted my own crush story on other thread), but you do need to handle it properly. Set some boundaries, understand for yourself what is going on.


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## kekkek (Apr 5, 2018)

Rowan said:


> If all else fails, tell your wife about your attraction to her co-worker. Tell her that you're struggling with your attraction and need her help to get yourself under control. Either she will understand and want to help you devise strategies to avoid temptation, or *her betrayed reaction will keep you more than busy for a while*. You may also find that revealing your crush eliminates some of the seductive allure that comes with having a secret, and thereby lessens the appeal of this other woman.


Yes, very true! It also might set you on the road to divorce. That was one of the benefits of telling my now ex-wife about my crush. ::smile2:


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

You are either trying to deceive everyone else or maybe even just deceiving yourself, I think the latter is actually true so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. 

Going to break it to you that you aren't worried about what she thinks about you from a guilt standpoint or from a standpoint of making sure no one else knows .... you are 'interested' in what she thinks about you and your infatuation for her because you are curious, you are wanting to go fishing to see what she thinks of you for your own self confidence, ego, whatever way you want to slice it.

I would probably separate the stages of this type of stuff by;

1. She's hot, all there is too it, you notice the beauty
2. She's hot, followed by thoughts of how she would be in 'situations' and leave it at that and not obsess
3. She's hot, let me test the waters and see if I could reel this one in if I technically wanted to
4. Consistent and Intimate details Communication (doesn't even have to be sexual but just intimate details), basically the start of an EA
5. EA to PA

#1 is ok and normal, healthy, #2 is ok I guess if you just think about it and wonder like a normal human being but move on

You sir are at #3, the gateway to an Emotional Affair but not quite there yet or if it would be even possible from her end. Long story short, you have stepped over the line that separates normal human nature thoughts and into what ifs territory. 

Squash the social media connection, please don't seek her out anymore and think of ways to put yourself in front of her ... as much as you are giving excuses to yourself, even if just subconsciously, you are putting yourself in situations to be around her on purpose. 

Now, to be honest, what you have done, doesn't really make you a bad dude, like I said, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. However, knowing what we tell you and what you should know now, if you proceed, the benefit of the doubt is gone and frankly, you cross the line from not being a bad dude to being a **itty husband and person.

Pulling for you man, snap out of it and cut ties digitally and in person. Don't say anything about it, don't let anyone know, just f'ng do it now!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Pretty sure she isn't even close to interested. This is a one sided fixation and it is pretty common.

Again, are you in good health?

What type of shape are you in?

Do you work out?

Does your wife?

How active is your sex life?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I am with the others saying to stop it with the social media btw.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

This one is easy. Stop following her. Stop all contact with her. Redirect your thoughts.

Easy peasy....if you WANT to, that is


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

One, your a man, dont be ashamed of the attraction you feel of a young beautiful women.... 

Two, your married and IF you were going to cheat (you shouldnt) you REALLY shouldnt do it with someone that works with your wife

Three, She probably doesnt see you the same way you see yourself, unless your muscular and have your **** together... GQ style

Four, Go read a book "Superior Man" from Dieda that mentions something like this... "Enjoy the energy of young beautiful women, bask in the energy they have to share, but move on with that energy... dont focus on it and pursue it"


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yes you are being a creepy old man. Just stop it.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Ways that makes you feel guilty are boundary crossers... listen to them.

Whether you do the right thing or the wrong thing is all you... choose wisely.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

"Defriend" today - and block for good measure.

Make yourself scarce at your wife's office.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My guess is that you've set off alarm bells with her so back off. Way, way off -- before you make a fool of yourself because that's the direction you're headed in and totaling your marriage because you have a teenage crush is obviously not worth it.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Steve2.0 said:


> One, your a man, dont be ashamed of the attraction you feel of a young beautiful women....
> 
> Two, your married and IF you were going to cheat (you shouldnt) you REALLY shouldnt do it with someone that works with your wife
> 
> ...


Sounds like a neat recipe for bad boundaries


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

defriending and blocking would send a message to her that you can't control yourself. just unfollow or snooze. then go about your business of never looking at her posts and putting your energy towards your wife.


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## ElCanario (Nov 11, 2013)

I totally understand your crush on a beautiful young woman. I am the same age as you and shared a similar crush story with a gorgeous young woman on another thread. This woman drove me insane, she was so beautiful......and she was my therapist. Not a great situation. But I was always realistic about things. I never expected anything from the interaction except a therapist/client relationship. And I certainly was not trying to find out anything about her outside the hour or so per week I spent talking with her. 

This is what I would say to you:

1. Ditch the social media. It's not helping.
2. Do not communicate with this woman by email or anything else.
3. Don't spend time physically in the same room with her. And when you are in the same room with her, don't spend time staring at her across the room.
4. You're married. Act like it.

The more you work toward getting this hot young thing out of your mind, the better it will be for you and your wife. It can be done. It really isn't that hard to do.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

.Older man finds young woman who works 
with his wife attractive.

. Older man connects with younger woman 
on social media.

. Older man stares at younger woman making
her very uncomfortable.

. Younger woman tries to avoid older man.

Older man starts acting creepy around younger woman

. Younger woman files HR complaint and older mans wife finds 
out about it.

. Older man's wife may file for divorce and older man 
may get into trouble at his job also.

. Younger woman may feel like she is being stalked and 
contact police.

. Older man is in deep crap.

Many other things could happen.

Any questions ?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

sa58 said:


> .Older man finds young woman who works
> with his wife attractive.
> 
> . Older man connects with younger woman
> ...


Accurate except that you can’t file an HR complaint about someone who doesn’t even work at your company (you can raise a concern about a vendor or others who frequently come in but your HR dept isn’t going to take you seriously if you are saying this co workers husband comes to take her to lunch and stares at me. There’s nothing to take action on there. In a formal complaint you have to explain what you have done yourself to mitigate the situation, ie: if someone is doing something that makes you uncomfortable you have to try asking them to stop first so the offender knows what the problem is first hand.)


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

And i am sure your wife knows that she is uber attractive and you are finding ways to communicate/meet her for things. 

She might even be on another forum posting "my husband likes a young girl i work with, how do i communicate to him that its wrong"
> "Divorce the perv!"


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

The fact that you are obsessed with her tells me you are going down a dangerous path. Stop now


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just think of her chucking some liquid brown sh-t outta her ass, or that she has ugly moles somewhere or another, or that she is simply an immature entitled brat, or that she's a cheating skank, or that she was a hooker, or that she did porn, or that she has aids, or that her face is maybe all makeup, or that she actually has a penis, or that... you get the idea. 

At the same time think of the memories that you and your wife shared together, the times when she showed you her love that no one else could give, the times when she made you realise that she was the one, the little things, the big things, all the thoughts that remind you how you have come to the conclusion that your wife truly loves and cares for you.

And then think about how life would be if you left such a woman to pursue this silly fantasy that isn't real, finding yourself here for another reason, because your loving wife ditches your cheating ass for your infidelity, the consequences that will occur at work, at home, the devastation that you would inflict on your own life and the embarrassment and the regret of doing something so fking stupid it's laughable.

So... still got the tingle in those pants?


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

Of course you're being perceived as a creepy old man. That concern of yours is 100% founded. Just let it sink in for a moment that she had to lie about not being at work to avoid you. You are putting this young woman in a very unfair and uncomfortable position. Stop this behavior immediately.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Nip it in the bud!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Easy, block her on social media, that is a no brainer. 
What you and some others don't seem to get is that we can CHOOSE what we let ourselves look at and what we let out minds think about. 
Avoid social events where she will be there. If you HAVE to go then DONT STARE AT HER. Look away. Its a choice and you are choosing to look. Every time she comes into your mind. replace those thoughts with ones of your wife. Think of 2 things you love about your wife and stop comparing her. Stop going into her offices unless its completely unavoidable. 

Not sure if you have a daughter, but how would you feel if a married man your age was staring, ogling and obsessing about her and following her on social media? Yes it is creepy. 

Its really not worth loosing you marriage over so it needs to stop. You are a mature man so stop now.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I started being attracted to women I worked with in my late 40's. Male Menopause? I knew that sooner or later I was going to have sex with one of them because the temptation grew more and more as I got older. My solution was to work from home and have done so for the last 17 years. I simply removed the temptation. Now the thought of being attracted to a younger woman does not excite me anymore. They seem immature compared to what I am used to with my wife and our friends. Just nothing in common. They do not know the TV shows that I watched growing up or much about events before they became adults. 

The answer is to remove yourself from being near the object of your desire. Everyone I knew who got involved in a much younger girl did not have a happy ending. Just too many years apart. My sister divorced her husband and he was only 11 years older than her but those 11 years made a big difference when she was in her late 50's. My best friend married a girl 8 years younger than her and they ended up divorced because she was only 18 and still wanted to hang our with her group of male and female friends. Go to the mall, get wasted and stuff like that. She ended up having sex with other guys and that was the end of their marriage. One thing I always tell anyone thinking of getting involved with a much younger women is that it never ends well. Sooner or later she is going to realize that you two have nothing in common and live in two different worlds. That will lead to her cheating on you sooner or later since you are old enough to be her father and she will realize that.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Just think of her chucking some liquid brown sh-t outta her ass, or that she has ugly moles somewhere or another, or that she is simply an immature entitled brat, or that she's a cheating skank, or that she was a hooker, or that she did porn, or that she has aids, or that her face is maybe all makeup, or that she actually has a penis, or that... you get the idea.
> 
> At the same time think of the memories that you and your wife shared together, the times when she showed you her love that no one else could give, the times when she made you realise that she was the one, the little things, the big things, all the thoughts that remind you how you have come to the conclusion that your wife truly loves and cares for you.
> 
> ...


This was a very insightful and useful post. 

If I’m in a relationship and feel a strong attraction to someone else, I employ something similar to this until it passes. I also make sure I don’t let myself fantasize about the crush person or use them in my spank bank. If I allow myself to screw the crush’s brains out while I masturbate, I’m going to just keep them in my mind constantly and want more real life interaction with them to fuel more spank. 

We need to remember that feeling strong physical attraction to someone doesn’t mean anything. Don’t let your sexual desire for another person make you keep going for more and more of them. Sexual desire in itself is innocent. But focusing on another person in particular over and over with that desire becomes less innocent and more contrived. Once you are contriving ways to see them more often you are already in dangerous territory.

Why even go there? Use your will to change your focus in the ways RD suggested until it passes. If you don’t you may end up being that cheater you always swore you would never be. Or maybe end up being on a one sided spank bank affair with someone who doesn’t even acknowledge you exist in a sexual way. When all that time you spent imagining screwing someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings you could have been having awesome actual sex with the person who loves you.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> Use your will to change your focus in the ways RD suggested until it passes.


Heh as I posted that though I wondered... maybe people just aren't strong willed enough in general. Oh well.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> Accurate except that you can’t file an HR complaint about someone who doesn’t even work at your company (you can raise a concern about a vendor or others who frequently come in but your HR dept isn’t going to take you seriously if you are saying this co workers husband comes to take her to lunch and stares at me. There’s nothing to take action on there. In a formal complaint you have to explain what you have done yourself to mitigate the situation, ie: if someone is doing something that makes you uncomfortable you have to try asking them to stop first so the offender knows what the problem is first hand.)


You may need to do a little more research. The EEOC considers the following facts that could be sufficient to make her employers liable for workplace third-party sexual harassment:

a. The employer knew or should have reasonably known of the sexual harassment.
b. The employee provided sufficient notice of his or her discomfort due to the situation.
c. The employer failed to take appropriate corrective action, such as transferring the employee to a different location.

The U.S. Court of Appeals (Summa v. Hofstra University) may explain what's required of the employer.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

VladDracul said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Accurate except that you can’t file an HR complaint about someone who doesn’t even work at your company (you can raise a concern about a vendor or others who frequently come in but your HR dept isn’t going to take you seriously if you are saying this co workers husband comes to take her to lunch and stares at me. There’s nothing to take action on there. In a formal complaint you have to explain what you have done yourself to mitigate the situation, ie: if someone is doing something that makes you uncomfortable you have to try asking them to stop first so the offender knows what the problem is first hand.)
> ...


Exactly my point. How would the employer know that this man who comes to take his wife to lunch is leering and fantasizing about the co worker? And the employee (the hot co worker) would have had to make it known to the employer that she was distressed about the husband. There’s no indication in this story that either of these are reasonable things to happen. The employer has no idea, and the employee isn’t going to say anything about the guy simply coming to take his wife to lunch. 

If he was out right leering, staring, following her around, trying to touch her, making inappropriate statements...then yes she may say something. But if we take his word for how things are so far, he isn’t doing anything to cause her spidey senses to tingle (he’s just fapping away to her in his mind).


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

This is an easy one in my opinion. If she is as beautiful as you say she is probably accustomed to men like yourself having an infatuation and her radar is probably pretty good on when it’s happening. This she likely knows. 
The great news is you really haven’t crossed any boundaries. Just about all men, even the best of us, have been caught staring at a beautiful woman. And this particular woman seems to have no interest in you which makes this even easier for you to nip in the bud. So my advice to you is to just STOP. You don’t have to block her or unfriend her on social media. Just unfollow or mute her so you don’t see her posts anymore. 
You really don’t have any reason to talk to this woman, so don’t. There are other notaries. Probably some in YOUR building. If you see her at your wife’s office. A simple “hello” in passing is suffiecient. Do not initiate conversations with her. You have no reason to. 
Lots of married people have little crushes from time to time. We are human. But we need to recognize what is happening and put a stop to it. You decide what you allow your mind to dwell on. You have complete control of that.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> Exactly my point. How would the employer know that this man who comes to take his wife to lunch is leering and fantasizing about the co worker?


Certainly as long as he doesn't start hitting on the chick, all is well from a companies perspective. By his own admission, he's already leering at her. If he's stupid enough to believe if he steps up his game, he may get to at least peek inside the kimono, he's in for a harsh lesson. (and putting his wife in a bad light) You just can't let your wants and desires overload your azz.

BTW, H/R is the appropriate place for her to report any funny business on this guys part.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

VladDracul said:


> Certainly as long as he doesn't start hitting on the chick, all is well from a companies perspective. By his own admission, he's already leering at her. If he's stupid enough to believe if he steps up his game, he may get to at least peek inside the kimono, he's in for a harsh lesson. (and putting his wife in a bad light) You just can't let your wants and desires overload your azz.
> 
> BTW, H/R is the appropriate place for her to report any funny business on this guys part.


I agree it would be the appropriate place to report it, but if I take the OP's story at face value, my guess is that she hasn't noticed it. He's the one all worked up about her. To her, he is just the husband of a co worker. She may sense he is attracted to her but unless she has caught a weird vibe from him, she wouldn't think twice about it. 

If she has caught a weird vibe from him or if his actions have been more creepy than what he has reported, then yeah it is going to be a problem - - mostly for his wife - - if the hottie reports this to their HR. Because it will get around in their office that he is a creeper, and HR would likely be forced to talk to his wife about this since she is the one he is coming to see at lunch. How embarrassing for her. She wouldn't be punished but she would be humiliated.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Right Faithful. If this cat is still listening, he put an end to this obsession and redirect it to something where the odds are more in his favor; like winning the lotto.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

It's normal to be attracted to attractive people. I'm attracted to Rachael McAdams. So what. If you act on it in any way then you're a scum bag and you'll probably end up divorced at some point.


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> Exactly my point. How would the employer know that this man who comes to take his wife to lunch is leering and fantasizing about the co worker? And the employee (the hot co worker) would have had to make it known to the employer that she was distressed about the husband. There’s no indication in this story that either of these are reasonable things to happen. The employer has no idea, and the employee isn’t going to say anything about the guy simply coming to take his wife to lunch.
> 
> If he was out right leering, staring, following her around, trying to touch her, making inappropriate statements...then yes she may say something. But if we take his word for how things are so far, he isn’t doing anything to cause her spidey senses to tingle (he’s just fapping away to her in his mind).


Can't we conclude that she is feeling creeped out and her spidey senses are going off by the fact she lied to him about not being at work to avoid him?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Do not unfriend her or block her on social media. That will probably make things worse as it will signal that you are struggling. You can un-follow her so nothing she posts shows up. She will never know.

As a grow up man, she should have self-control, but you are not showing much of it.

Find a new notary and never contact her again. Leave her alone.

Stop looking at her. If you see her, turn away and refocus your attention elsewhere.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

dg59166 said:


> I am happily married for the last 16 years. I am in my early 50’s and do love my wife, and the life we share together. Yet somehow, I have become infatuated with one of her co-workers 24 years younger than me. What’s worse is I am suspicious the co-worker knows, or at least suspects, and I feel tremendous guilt about it.
> 
> My wife and I work at separate companies, but they are located across the street from each other (just a coincidence). I am often coming and going from my wife’s office for lunch, use the car, etc. Everyone in her office knows who I am, and I get along well with them. My conduct has always been purely professional, even in after hours events, and have been accepted as one of the crew, if you may.
> 
> ...


There's only one question....are you married or are you not?
Again, and as those that have been here much longer than I and offer great support to those posting, I have to repeat:
many, many married men get hit on and should have their own version of "that's great, you're lovely, but I'm married" answer prepared.

This whole we locked eyes from across a room thing makes you sound suspect, as in you're looking to stray for some real or imagined reason. Christ.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Townes said:


> Can't we conclude that she is feeling creeped out and her spidey senses are going off by the fact she lied to him about not being at work to avoid him?


I went back and re-read the part about her not being at work, and I don't think we can definitely conclude anything here. He saw her car parked far away from where she usually parks, and that could seem like she was really there, didn't want to see him, and went out to move her car and then email him and say she went home sick. But it also could be that she was parked there for some completely different reason (stopped at Walgreen's to pick up cold medicine? parked there and decided she was too sick to drive home so called an uber?) Again, inconclusive.

However, all of that is just to say I don't see how it would necessarily be true that the young woman has called their HR or that she even notices his leering. Just not enough evidence either way, as the story has been presented here.

Whether she does notice or not, he is still being a creepy old man and is going to get his ass in deep sheet if he doesn't reel himself in like YESTERDAY.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

This seems to be a regular problem for you. 

Also, 4yrs ago you stated you had been married for 15yrs, now it's only 16? Does not compute.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> This seems to be a regular problem for you.
> 
> Also, 4yrs ago you stated you had been married for 15yrs, now it's only 16? Does not compute.


Good catch! Seriously wtf?


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

pidge70 said:


> This seems to be a regular problem for you.
> 
> Also, 4yrs ago you stated you had been married for 15yrs, now it's only 16? Does not compute.


Hmm the plot thickens.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Many things do not add up about this Forum. In the end I think we have to realize it is a business....the more hits and post , the more traffic it appears to generate. Customers
look at the traffic on the website and say...."ooohhhhh look at all that traffic....I'm going to pay to advertise there". I bet many of the post are fake and put up by the "business side"
of Talk About Marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mr.Married said:


> Many things do not add up about this Forum. In the end I think we have to realize it is a business....the more hits and post , the more traffic it appears to generate. Customers
> 
> look at the traffic on the website and say...."ooohhhhh look at all that traffic....I'm going to pay to advertise there". I bet many of the post are fake and put up by the "business side" of Talk About Marriage.


Being part of the "business side" of TAM, I can tell you that no one on the "business side" is creating fake threads and posts. We also have very strict rules about people creating only one account, not trolling, no sock puppets. We actually ban/delete a lot of user accounts on a regular basis to keep the riff raff out. If we were just wanting to drum up numbers, we would leave all the duplicate accounts, let the trolls/sockpuppets roll, etc. Advertisers can pretty much evaluate a site to determine if the numbers are fake. This is why we work to keep the fake posts/threads off the site as much as is humanly possible. We do not inflate things around here.

The bottom line is that often life is stranger than fiction.

If you think that many things do not add up here on TAM, you are perfectly free to leave. Why would you stay on a site that you think does not seem to "add up"?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> Being part of the "business side" of TAM, I can tell you that no one on the "business side" is creating fake threads and posts. We also have very strict rules about people creating only one account, not trolling, no sock puppets. We actually ban/delete a lot of user accounts on a regular basis to keep the riff raff out. If we were just wanting to drum up numbers, we would leave all the duplicate accounts, let the trolls/sockpuppets roll, etc. Advertisers can pretty much evaluate a site to determine if the numbers are fake. This is why we work to keep the fake posts/threads off the site as much as is humanly possible. We do not inflate things around here.
> 
> The bottom line is that often life is stranger than fiction.
> 
> If you think that many things do not add up here on TAM, you are perfectly free to leave. Why would you stay on a site that you think does not seem to "add up"?


For the same reason people watch "reality" TV when everyone knows it is anything but .......


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Da%m. Snap.(I have no opinion on this, sorry theres no real comment here). Although I myself would go with Elegirl, with a dose of (as all do I'd think) my own judgment and common sense thrown in. As with things on line and in trw.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

Consider the possibility also that a guy might change some details of his life to ensure anonymity. Like years married or number of kids. Or perhaps age. Not saying that’s the case here, just saying it doesnt necessarily make the thread fake.


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