# Hi



## Sean Nolan (Oct 31, 2018)

My wife and I separated and I moved into a different place a few days ago. I have no one I can talk to about this or that's what it feels like. Apparently she checked out of the relationship years ago and just dumped it on me a few weeks ago. I went to stay at the house last night so she could go to work while I looked after the kids but being back at the house felt really strange and I couldn't wait to get out of there.

I feel so lonely now. I don't know how to live by myself. I don't know how to do anything. I don't know how to date. I'm so confused.


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

Well I can relate about not knowing how to date! During my marriage I subscribed to the theory that married women shouldn't even have Male friends... soo I am now back at square one in that area. And though I know I can take care of the household and kids I didn't have a job during that time... which means that my resume looks like a high schoolers. You are going to be OK.... the biggest things we can take away from our marriages are what we learned about ourselves and the things we don't want to repeat in future relationships.


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## Sean Nolan (Oct 31, 2018)

I have one good friend but he is very busy and can't make a lot of time for me. Right now I'm sitting in my rented room with the door shut. That's how I have mostly been the past few days.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Sean Nolan said:


> I feel so lonely now. I don't know how to live by myself. I don't know how to do anything. I don't know how to date. I'm so confused.


One way to get out of this hole is to start exercising. Exercise provides many physical and mental benefits that would greatly help you right now. Obviously there's the physical aspect. Getting in better shape typically makes you feel better about yourself. But there's also mental benefits of exercise itself which can greatly help your mood. Doing a strenuous workout provides endorphins that can lift your mood. It also can get your mind off of your troubles. The future is a long way off. Starting to exercise is something you can do today that will help your mood immediately.

The best kind of exercise for you right now is probably some sort of small-group exercise class. I recommend this because the instructor will provide the guidance and motivation you need to succeed. I think this kind of environment will work better than working out on your own (too easy to slack off and get lost in your thoughts) or working out in a big class (not enough personal attention). A common class is something like boot camp, but there are also studio gyms which specialize in this kind of workout (like OrangeTheory). If you feel lost about how to get started working out, send me a private message and I can give you some one-on-one guidance if you want.

The other great thing about doing a small-group workout is it provides a great opportunity for meeting new people. You'll typically see the same people time after time, so there's plenty of opportunity to get to know each other. It's not unusual for friendships to form that extend outside of class. So in addition to the physiological benefits, you'll also have the opportunity to expand your social circle, which it sounds like you need right now.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Sean Nolan said:


> My wife and I separated and I moved into a different place a few days ago. I have no one I can talk to about this or that's what it feels like. Apparently she checked out of the relationship years ago and just dumped it on me a few weeks ago. I went to stay at the house last night so she could go to work while I looked after the kids but being back at the house felt really strange and I couldn't wait to get out of there.


But getting onto the bigger problem, what the heck happened in your marriage?!? At first glance, many of us here will think she's having an affair. This is pretty much a textbook example. Did she also say "I love you but I'm not in love with you?" It sounds like there may have been problems before, but that wouldn't justify her actions. 

Why did you leave the house? If she wants to separate, she should be the one to move out. Don't let her treat you like a doormat. She won't respect you. She'll actually have more respect if you go back and tell her you're not leaving. 

What are the details of your marriage? How long? How many kids? etc.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Sean Nolan said:


> I have one good friend but he is very busy and can't make a lot of time for me. Right now I'm sitting in my rented room with the door shut. That's how I have mostly been the past few days.


Do not worry about dating right now, that should be one of the last things on your mind, not even from the moral sense but it will do you more harm than good at this point.

Second, you said you don't have anyone to talk to? Do you have parents, siblings, etc? 

Counseling is something I would start like yesterday.

Keep posting, there's a lot here we can try to help you with but the first thing you need to get is someone to talk to, that can't be taken lightly. There are so many that have been where you are, where many of us have been unfortunately.


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## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

Sean Nolan sorry to hear this. It happened to me in July and moved out in August. This has been the hardest thing in my life and felt like i was in the darkest deepest pit of hell. Being in my apartment on the weekends drives me crazy. What has helped me was i got closure to God, reading about separation etc books and talked to 2 counselors one was 2 times and the other was 3 times. The one for 2 times was free from the health department so maybe check there and the other was a pastor. Try find some friends that has been through this and talk. If can get out of where you are staying some take a walk sit out side anything. Just do not turn to drinking, partying, dating/sex, and drugs. You need to heal and good luck


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