# What can I expect to happen in a divorce?



## Kharma (Jan 21, 2009)

I am looking for information from people who have been down the road of divorce and can possible provide some info about what I can expect to have happen.
Our marriage is over and a divorce is inevitable (he seems oblivious to this fact), however, timing of when has everything to do with what will be best for the children (2 kids under the age of 5).
At the beginning of this month, I was ready to file, then we discovered our home is the cause of our health problems and we are all in agreement that we must move as soon as possible. We are looking at homes to purchase, but it is an odd position to be in. 
Someone pointed out it is a lot to not only disrupt the children's life with a move, but also to also take away dad living in the house. To stay together means them seeing parents that are far less than ideal role models as partners.
I need to decide if we buy a home as a family or if I file for divorce and buy a home on my own. What can I expect to happen with regard to child support and money division? How do women often stay in their homes after a divorce, when the mortgage is so much on their own?
Any info would be greatly appreciated!


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## Sammiee (Apr 15, 2015)

If you're going to get divorced and move then it's senseless to move together, it's only going to shake the kids up more.

It should be easy to figure out if you'll be able to afford a home based on your income and what you expect to receive in alimony based on your husband's income. A consultation with an attorney should give you a good idea.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

It really depends on so many things. How long have you been married? What State do you live in? Who earns more? Who will have primary custody? What are your assets and debts....

All of those things go into a divorce settlement.


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## Kharma (Jan 21, 2009)

I am a stay at home mom in a community property state.
I do realize there is so very much that goes into the final number, but I am wondering if there is a ball park. Can a woman get a loan for a home without a job? How does a woman keep the home her family is currently in, when it is likely any job would not bring in what her husband had been able to bring in.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kharma said:


> I am a stay at home mom in a community property state.


This is good. You will get 50% of all the assets/cash/etc that the two of you have. You will most likely get 50% of the debt too. Talk to a lawyer about the debt… you might be able to argue that you have no way to pay it off so all the debt should go to him. I’ve seen this happen. But you have to have a lawyer willing to argue that for you.

Do you have access to the bank accounts, savings, investments, etc at this time? 

Get copies of all the paperwork on everything that you can find. Store these away from your home.. If you can scan them, do that and then store them in an account on the cloud if you can.



Kharma said:


> I do realize there is so very much that goes into the final number, but I am wondering if there is a ball park.


You can ask for interim alimony and child support until the divorce is final. Depending of the state, it can take a few months to about 2 years for the divorce to be final.

Once the divorce is final you might be able to get alimony. How long have you been married? It’s under 10 years right? You might be able to get rehabilitative alimony for half the length of your marriage. This will give you time to get some training or go back to college. This way you can then support yourself. Generally alimony is a max of 30% of his income. But again this is dependent on your state.

You will most likely get child support. Do a search on “your-state child support calculator” and “Your-state court self-help”. You can find some sites that will have helpful info.

Also do searches on things like “your-state alimony rules” and read several sites to get an idea.



Kharma said:


> Can a woman get a loan for a home without a job?


No you cannot get a lone without a job… well unless you were awarded substantial lifelong alimony.



Kharma said:


> How does a woman keep the home her family is currently in, when it is likely any job would not bring in what her husband had been able to bring in.


She does not keep it if she does not bring in enough between a job, child support and alimony if there is any.

You are going to need to get a job.

It sounds to me like your marriage basically sucks but your husband is not abusive. He’s out partying and do other things. One thing that you might want to do is to stay with him a bit longer. Start living your own life. If you have no job experience and/or training go get some. Then you will be in much better shape to leave him.


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## Kharma (Jan 21, 2009)

Thank you! That is extremely helpful. Also, you are extremely perceptive in your analysis of my situation!
We bought our first home together 10 years ago, but married 9 years. Are there timeline markers of a marriage that make a difference?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kharma said:


> Thank you! That is extremely helpful. Also, you are extremely perceptive in your analysis of my situation!
> 
> We bought our first home together 10 years ago, but married 9 years. Are there timeline markers of a marriage that make a difference?


Yes there are time line markers but they are state specific. Usually the laws are guidelines, the final decision is made by the judge or negotiated between you and he through attorneys.

For example in California anything less than 10 years is considered short term and you would get alimony for half the length of your marriage.. if you need it. 

Obviously if both parties earn a similar income there is no alimony.

if the marriage is between 10-20 years it can be anywhere from half the time to lifetime.

After 20 years it can be lifetime.

But Even Cali is changing. The idea is that the lower earning spouse has to do something in a reasonable amount of time to become self supporting. Few people get life-time alimony is Cali anymore... it's mostly women who are older (50 and over) who have been SAHM's for 30 years or more.

In some states it's very hard to get any alimony. It just depends on where you live.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

About your house. I guess that's the house you are living in that is making you ill? Can you even sell the place if it's making you ill?

Did you put much into the down payment? 

The house is 50% yours so you get 50% of the equity. I hope you can sell it.


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## Kharma (Jan 21, 2009)

We are able to sell our home. It's a cell phone tower nearby and not likely to affect the vast majority of the population.
I did discover that there are no maintenance rules in our state. It is simply by agreement. Do you suppose the marriage timeline markers still apply?
I truly feel the sooner we split, the healthier it will be for the children, but I need to be sure I can provide for them.


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