# Wife won't believe me she's the only one



## qrper (Aug 6, 2016)

This got a bit long. 

My wife and I have been together for 26 years. Most of them good. A few not so much so. 

We both were married before, me for almost 14 years, her for almost 16. My wife, I'll call her Donna, was married to a man that cheated on her with the neighborhood women. Me, my first wife ran off with my best friend.

We're in our early 60's.

A little bit of back story. Donna's first husband ran on her, she told me she found condoms in his wallet all the time. He would come home drunk, and was emotionally abusive towards her. She caught him with a neighbor woman.

As the years have clicked by, we have grown old, and our sex lives have become almost non-existent. I own this one, as I can't seem to get any steam in the pipes. In a nut shell, we haven't have sex for years. I know there are meds out there and I haven't investigated that avenue. Although my health is good for a guy my age, I have a few issues that make taking the pills unsafe for me. Like I said, I own this. It's not her fault.

But over the years, she now has it in her head that the reason why I don't get excited is because I have another woman on the side. I tried to reinforce to her that her thinking is simply flawed, and I don't have, didn't have, nor will I have another woman in my life except for her.

I've been with two women my entire adult life; my first wife and Donna. There have been no others, no one night stands, no bar fly, no one else.

I've always been fond of seeing my wife in lingerie, nothing ****ty, just things she'd wear under a dress if she were going to church. I like the look. I always tell her how sexy she looks, and Donna has always been receptive and has allowed me to enjoy this fetish.

The other night, while we were watching TV, she got up and twenty minutes later returned wearing a pair of high heels, some pantyhose and nothing else. She sat beside me and placed her legs over my lap. She likes me to rub her legs when she's wearing hose.

I turned the TV off and we enjoyed some conversation. About an hour later, she grabs my crotch and proclaimed, "Why aren't you hard?"

Things pretty much went down hill from there. She accused me of having an affair with someone else. Having sex with another woman. That she's not attractive enough to get me excited… and so on and so on.

I suggested to her on several occasions that if she were to stop demanding that I perform, things might just happen. 

This is becoming a real issue between us. Deep down inside, I don't believe that anything I say will convince her I'm not diddling another woman.

Pills are out of the question as they will drop my blood pressure too low.

I'm open for suggestions. And before anyone suggests it, yes, we've been to a counselor and that was a waste of time, energy, and money.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

You need to make love to your wife.

I don't care about pills or anything else.

you have a mouth and hands. Use them.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

As was suggested, why aren't you offering your wife "alternatives" since you claim you can't take Viagra?

Sorry, but you're acting like a chidish ass.

You refuse to go to a doctor and find out *alternative *methods that might help and instead want to hide in the house and keep repeating how pills will make your blood pressure drop. Since you've done NOTHING whatsoever to at least attempt to fix this situation, I'll assume you DON'T know for sure if pills will make your blood pressure drop because it's just something you read on the internet and *didn't *get from your doctor.

Man the hell up and take care of business.


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## qrper (Aug 6, 2016)

That's a valid point.

However, she considers any form of oral sex,either giving or receiving, to be 'dirty' and no amount of talking, pleading, or money will change her mind about that subject.

We do use a toy now and then and she seems to be okay with that.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You need to go to a Clinic to get an assessment. There are many in the U.S.

Go to one that has board certified Urologists and that deal with Men's sexual health issues.

Don't tell us or anyone that this or that won't work until you have been examined.

Do not give up...your wife is counting on you. 

Will she leave you if you do not address this? Maybe, maybe not. 

Will she cheat to get sexually satisfied?....maybe, maybe not. NOTE: she is asking for sex! Do not downplay her needs! She hears that [Mature] couples are having sex.... sees couples on TV having sex.

Age works against Men. They need the plumbing and the desire to get it on. This can be a very difficult and complicated hurdle to overcome.

Diet helps with this problem. Some claim that a mostly vegan diet supplemented with specific foods and anti-oxidants will help....Even if it does not help ED, this regimen will be good for overall health and longevity.

Older Women have issues also....but mostly with desire and lubrication....easier to overcome. Not so with Men.

Good luck....let us know how it works out.....after your assessment and test drive.


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## qrper (Aug 6, 2016)

I did go to the doctor about five years ago, that's when I found out about the blood pressure issue. 

The doctor didn't have much in the way of suggestions for me, and his best bet was to try some herbal stuff. That didn't work.

So, yeah, been to the docs about the problem.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

What is your diet like?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Have you had your testosterone levels checked?? Early 60s is too early to check out of sex.


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## qrper (Aug 6, 2016)

hummm...

don't smoke, drink or do drugs, and I know that's not a diet, but it's a question someone will ask

A little red meat, my wife won't touch the stuff as she's vegan, and chicken for me.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> You need to go to a Clinic to get an assessment. There are many in the U.S.
> 
> Go to one that has board certified Urologists and that deal with Men's sexual health issues.
> 
> Don't tell us or anyone that this or that won't work until you have been examined.


And take her along for every appointment, you are a team with this hurdle.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

You might want to google "natural testosterone booster" and follow the directions.

Some recommendations:

Workout 3-6 days per week lifting weights and doing a short, but high intensity workout.

Eat lots of vegetables - like 9 cups per day from three different categories. Here's an article I wrote about it. Mom Says, Eat Your Vegetables: Part 5 of the Good Health Series | The Feminine Review: Homemaking, Family and the World

Do not eat anything with added sugar. 

Reduce the amount of grains you eat to one serving or less per day.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

qrper said:


> hummm...
> 
> don't smoke, drink or do drugs, and I know that's not a diet, but it's a question someone will ask
> 
> A little red meat, my wife won't touch the stuff as she's vegan, and chicken for me.


How's the weight?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Your title is that your wife doesn't think she's the only one. The problem is that you are not treating your wife in a manner that shows that you desire her. She thinks there must be someone else, because it's obviously not her.

One doctor appointment to someone who has no clue how to help you didn't do you any good. Don't give up. Do as the others have suggested and seek help from someone who specializes in this issue. And, yes, take your wife with you.

You are not showing your wife that you care about her needs to be desired and loved by you. That right there is pushing her away and causing all sorts of serious issues in her heart. She is so upset that she thinks you are cheating on her. What are you going to do about it? Most women would think that you were cheating. It's not that your wife has issues from her past or that she's paranoid. It's the way you are treating her that's the problem.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There are a fair number of men with naturally low libidos. This can be very difficult for their wives who will view a lack of interest as a sign of some other problem. Sometimes there is nothing "wrong", he just isn't very interested in sex.

The exact same situation exists for women with low libidos.


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## qrper (Aug 6, 2016)

Gang,



I'd love nothing more than to take my wife to bed, I don't have LD. 

How would you like it every time you were with your wife/gf she would grab your crotch and say you're with another woman because she dosen't excite you anymore.

Or check your wallet for condoms

Or run through the cell phone bill looking for strange phone numbers

Asking why you were late coming home from work

Or won't let you watch the local TV station because she thinks you're screwing the weather lady

Or if you're talking to the check out girl at wal-mart and the wife asks if you got her phone number

This is never ending!!

Every time I attempt to have sex with her, it's like the Spanish Inquisition.


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## kingsman (Aug 6, 2016)

qrper said:


> The other night, while we were watching TV, she got up and twenty minutes later returned wearing a pair of high heels, some pantyhose and nothing else. She sat beside me and placed her legs over my lap. She likes me to rub her legs when she's wearing hose.


Very good. 



qrper said:


> About an hour later, she grabs my crotch and proclaimed, "Why aren't you hard?"
> 
> Things pretty much went down hill from there. She accused me of having an affair with someone else. Having sex with another woman. That she's not attractive enough to get me excited… and so on and so on.



Very bad, she's so clueless. You'd think by now she'd have it figured out



qrper said:


> Deep down inside, I don't believe that anything I say will convince her I'm not diddling another woman


Don't play into her insecurities. You said it, if she's not convinced there's nothing more you can do. Repeating it ad nauseum won't get it done. 



qrper said:


> Pills are out of the question as they will drop my blood pressure too low.


How fit are you? Do you exercise regularly? If not then I suggest that will help immensely. 



qrper said:


> I'm open for suggestions. And before anyone suggests it, yes, we've been to a counselor and that was a waste of time, energy, and money.


It can take going to 10 or 20 therapists to find a good one.

You give up too easily.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

kingsman said:


> It can take going to 10 or 20 therapists to find a good one.


Agree... especially dealing with trust issues OP's wife is struggling with.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

qrper said:


> hummm...
> 
> don't smoke, drink or do drugs, and I know that's not a diet, but it's a question someone will ask
> 
> A little red meat, my wife won't touch the stuff as she's vegan, and chicken for me.


Rats!

Too Chicken to get the Beef!

Silence your Beef by moderately eating your Beef.

Another secret to squirrel away, Dagnabbit, rabbit!


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

Q,

Just curious, do you still get erections in the morning?

Cheers,
V(13)



qrper said:


> Gang,
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Someone who is obsessed with the possibility that you are cheating, may in fact be the one who IS cheating. While pursuing medical and counselling options, do some quiet investigation of her communications and activities.


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