# Found wife checking ex profile in Facebook



## Tourchwood

I found out yesterday from computer history file that wife check her ex profile in facebook twice that day, last year she did the same thing and we argued about it. 

what should i do this time?


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## Neil

What did you do last time (apart from argue), were any boundries set from this?


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## Tourchwood

yes of course, I told her how I feel about it which is a big No No


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## Neil

and hopefully at the same time as saying it was a big no no, you also told her what would happen if she did it again?


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## SadSamIAm

Unless there is more happening (history of cheating), I wouldn't worry about it.

I have checked out a bunch of ex girlfriends profiles on Facebook. Just curious what happened to them, where they live, kids, etc. I hope they don't think I am wanting to hook up with them. I don't think my wife would mind me looking at their information.


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## NOWHERELEFT2TURN

My husband did the same and then a few weeks later his ex sent a friend request and i am on his facebook account so even though all the info only shows his stuff. i denied it then told him, and he just smirked. what i really wanted to do was confront her for sending it, but that day is coming believe me. he knows how i feel about it all ive stressed it for years now. they use the excuse that they have kids together, but i think theres a fine line between having kids and discussing them and then all the rest of the stuff i see that goes on/ in my situation it will all come to a head eventually and i cant wait for the day. but as far as yours i feel it was totally wrong, whats really the need in checking in on whats going on in your exes life unless your still interested in some way


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## Tourchwood

confronted wife about it, she said she checked it out bordom and didnt mean anything to her. i told her this is not ur first and u know what it means to me, she sound didnt care after arguing she said
" im sorry for typing name that dont mean **** to me do u feel better now"


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## AgentD

I would just watch it for now. I have looked up many people on FB ex's etc, it doesn't mean anything. If she continues to do it or you see any other sign(s) of her doing then you might need to put up a redflag, right now It doesn't sound like there is much to it.


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## Rob774

Tourch... i don't know you so i can only give an opinion from what you type on here. Dude... you are overeacting. First of all, we already have a policy in my household, ZERO contact with ex's. I don't care if it was 20 years ago, he's a cool guy, he's married with 10 kids... i don't care. But my wife has told me, actually volunteered to me that she looked them up to see what they are doing with thier lives, nothing more. I didn't have a problem with that all. Now i know you said you told her previously not to do it, so i guess you have a gripe there. But if she hasn't given you reason not to trust her, is there much harm in looking someone up???


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## Tourchwood

Rob
I agree totally with you, and i felt better reading your post, thank you so much. 
it just felt wrong, specially when we had an argue the same week, it felt like if she still have feeling for her ex. 
to me if someone checking on his/her ex that means they think about them, and if they think about them god knows what else they think. I never checked ex or searched for them because I'm happy with what I have now. 
to make things worse, I told my wife on chat that i believe what she said and asked her not to do again. when i got home yesterday from work she never spoke to me like it is my fault, wife never admits she is wrong or try to make things better, i told her on chat that i was hurt so bad so I expected when i get home to make me feel better but No, she never spoke to me.


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## Rob774

Tourchwood said:


> Rob
> I agree totally with you, and i felt better reading your post, thank you so much.
> it just felt wrong, specially when we had an argue the same week, it felt like if she still have feeling for her ex.
> to me if someone checking on his/her ex that means they think about them, and if they think about them god knows what else they think. I never checked ex or searched for them because I'm happy with what I have now.
> to make things worse, I told my wife on chat that i believe what she said and asked her not to do again. when i got home yesterday from work she never spoke to me like it is my fault, wife never admits she is wrong or try to make things better, i told her on chat that i was hurt so bad so I expected when i get home to make me feel better but No, she never spoke to me.



I'm happy with who i am with now, still doesn't mean i'm not curious on how other people turned out. Its one thing if she wrote them or friended them or reached out in someway. She's probably still hurt too by your overeaction. Pick your battles wisely, sometimes when there is smoke... its only just smoke and no fire. My wife was 21 when we started dating, so her past is pretty narrowed to a few years of previous dating - none serious. Even though she's experiences all the great things of her life with me (besides being her first lover) its only natural for her to be curious of what the past losers are doing.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Unless there is a history of any type of cheating, I don't see what the issue is.

My husband's ex-wife (they've been divorced for 27 years) friended me and I accepted. We e-mail back and forth and she even checks up on his health (since his TBI).

No issues for me.

Could this be some type of insecurity on your part? Just asking...


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## woodstock

I have checked out the ex lots of time... Curiosity, see what he looks like anymore (talking my daughter's father), see if it gives a clue WTF he is doing, curious if he lists that he IS a father...

Others, I am friends with... share pictures of our kids, laugh about old stories LOL sometimes look through their friendlist to find a mutual friend...

I don't think i would care if a SO looked at an ex's profile, but maybe question direct contact, MAYBE want to know what is said... not a jealous person to begin with.... if I snoop it is most likely to find out if he thinks/talks about me or us and what might be said  but then I never faced the cheating issue.


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## WBD

My wife has done this to me on four separate occasions. I told her how I felt about this and we argued. But instead of defending herself and/or apologizing... She will throw things in my face to deflect what I found out about her online concerning her ex's. I don't buy the excuse that she gives me which is "I was just curious." I don't buy that due to the fact that she has told me nothing but bad horror stories about her ex's and yet there she is on Fbook or writing an email to one of them that was never sent. She knows how I feel about these idiots but she really does not understand how I feel. As I write this I am not speaking to her because of this and at the same time trying to blame me for checking on her or trying to say that I was looking at my ex wife. I could care less about my ex wife or what she does. I have her and my daughters blocked for constantly trying to hurt me and my family. It was a bad divorce. I filed on her because she was cheating and I caught her in the act. A couple of times I looked at her Myspace profile in the past in hoping that I could find something bad on her that would make her look like the bad mother that she is. But I moved on with my life. I am not angry with my wife. I am just hurt. Three ex's and one other person who supposedly wanted to include her in a three way. And after arguing about this woman she still friends her on Fbook and only deleted her when we argued. She never said sorry. To be honest I feel so lost and sad over this...


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## sculley

Tourchwood said:


> confronted wife about it, she said she checked it out bordom and didnt mean anything to her. i told her this is not ur first and u know what it means to me, she sound didnt care after arguing she said
> " im sorry for typing name that dont mean **** to me do u feel better now"


She handled that alittle aggressively and almost like she is defensive, you sure nothing is going on? If she knew it really hurt you you would think she would be more apologetic especially since this was agreed on not to do again


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## pidge70

This thread is over a year old.


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## J.R.Jefferis

SadSamIAm said:


> Unless there is more happening (history of cheating), I wouldn't worry about it.
> 
> I have checked out a bunch of ex girlfriends profiles on Facebook. Just curious what happened to them, where they live, kids, etc. I hope they don't think I am wanting to hook up with them. I don't think my wife would mind me looking at their information.


Totally agree with this. I have done the same with my ex-girlfriends just out of curiosity...it's totally natural in my opinion. However, if there are other red flags such as your wife actually contacting him, then maybe I would be worried. But just checking someone's Facebook profile seems pretty harmless to me.

JR


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## OhhShiney

I am really torn by this issue. I'd be happy if my wife occasionally visited her ex's Facebook page, rather than having him in a friends list. 

My wife remains Facebook friends with an ex husband, with whom she cheated and ended her first marriage. He subsequently cheated on her and she ended her second marriage. (No surprise that he cheated his way in and out of her life). She ended her first marriage quickly to reduce the pain, and says the pain caused by her second husband's cheating taught her a lesson, something I believe. All her friends HATE this ex. 

My wife is great, our relationship is wonderful. She is lovely, lively, and warm -- everything my ex wasn't. She keeps in touch with her first (with whom they have children) and I have no problem with any of that. I've visited his house, he's visited ours, and we've been out together on many social outings. While I know he still feels for her, I don't feel at all worried about him. I even like him. 

At our ages, the chances of finding anyone with a pristine past are nearly zero, and I believe that she won't cheat again. I had many more lovers than she in my past, and was not exactly monogamous until my marriage (and I never broke my vows, I find cheating disgusting). 

When I complained about her having ex#2 in her friends list, she removed him from her news feed, so at least she doesn't see every thing he. She doesn’t seem to understand that when she is in his friends list, HE sees everything SHE posts to her wall. I dislike seeing his name "liking" her posts -- there is nothing like seeing that "OhhShiney" and "HerEx" like what "MyWife" does. ( I wonder what our mutual friends think? ) When I visited his wall, I hate to see that we have "MyWife" in common – I REALLY don't like to be reminded of what we share. IMHO he's a cheater who likes to keep his options open. I do believe he'd pounce if given 1/100th of a chance.

I have no evidence she's done anything untoward, but even passive actions have consequences. I am doing my best to give her all my trust, but I'm of a personality type that has a hard time not thinking about stuff. 

IMHO, every time you see a picture of an ex, you are reminded of them. Whole areas of your brain that are associated with the relationship are triggered, potentially bringing back memories. People tend to forget many of the bad things, and remember the good things. Many have said that, in a moment of weakness, a trigger such as a Facebook post with a handy "reply" button, might nudge one to behave in ways you might not without the trigger. Does this show my own insecurity? Yes, it does. I know I can’t control how she feels or thinks, but I think some aspects of social networking provide reminders a bit more frequently than do pictures shoved in a box in the closet. We all have a box like that, and we are all entitled to our memories. I don’t chose to integrate them into my daily life. They stay in the closet. 

Having a Facebook friend is tantamount to agreeing to put a constantly updated digital photo frame of each other in your house, and one equipped with a handy, nearby button that allows a quick response. Your friend is always a single click away. 

To me there is no business for an ex to show up in such a context.


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## F-102

I know this is a "zombie thread", but I will throw my oar in anyway.

Looking up an ex is not a big deal, but be warned-there is danger to it. I've posted on this subject before to a man whose W was texting an ex BF, and I'll do it here.

Right now, the texts/conversations with an ex may be innocent, but they may soon morph into:

Their lives since they parted
Their relationships since they parted
Their families
Their spouses
You
How you're an excellent father
How you're a great husband
How you're a wonderful guy
Your job
How your job keeps you busy
How your job keeps you away
How she sometimes feels lonely when you're away
How she sometimes feels a little overburdened at home
How she sometimes feels a little taken for granted
How she feels you don't ALWAYS listen to her
How she feels you don't ALWAYS understand her
How she feels like sometimes you're "not there" for her
How...okay, you're not ALWAYS such a wonderful guy
How she loved hearing from him again
How she loves talking to him again
How she looks forward to his texts/e-mails/calls now
How she feels young again
How she feels appreciated again
How she feels attractive again
How it's been so, so long since you made her feel that way
How her eyes have now been opened
How she now realizes what she truly wants and needs
How she now realizes that you can't give her this
How insensitive you can be sometimes
How you can be a real jerk sometimes
How she wonders if they would have stayed together
How she now realizes that she never really loved you
How she now realizes that she truly loved him all along
How she ever could have fallen for a jerk like you
How you're the biggest a**hole she's ever known
How you're standing in the way of her true happiness
How you ruined her life
How she now realizes that she "settled" for you
How she made a big mistake marrying you
How she made an even bigger mistake letting him get away
How they were really meant to be together
How she desperately has to get away from you
How she's definitely going to leave you
How she's talking to divorce lawyers
How they're going to live happily ever after...

...get the picture?


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## ScarletBegonias

if she's not giving any other red flags off then it didn't mean anything and she's telling the truth. I'm nosey and check on old flames every now and then.Especially the ones who hurt me,i love to see how crappy their lives are lol not the best way to be but don't judge me! lol


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## thunderstruck

F-102 said:


> Right now, the texts/conversations with an ex may be innocent, but they may soon morph into:


Yup. I foolishly didn't take a stand when my W told me that she wanted to friend her HS BF on FB. About a month later, I got to read a lot of the lines in your list. How I'm such an a-hole, how she regrets marrying me, how she plans to divorce me at some point in the future, etc. Of course, the ex-bf is no dummy, so he took that as a greenlight to start talking about things like how great her azz looked back in the day.

Instead of handling things up front, I had to handle the damage after. My boundary is now clear to her. If she wants to talk to an ex, we're done.


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## 40isthenew20

I'm sure most people check out exes on FB. I have out of curiosity to see what they look like now and I have no bad intentions. Kind of like, if we stayed together, would I be happy with her appearance? Out of respect to my wife, I never friend requested them. Even though she wouldn't know who they are or were. Could have been an od neighborhood or school friend. And I snooped on my wife's friend list because I'm a jealous bastard. I have no idea who her exes are, so it didn't prove or disprove anything and I saw no reason to confront her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

OhhShiney said:


> I am really torn by this issue. I'd be happy if my wife occasionally visited her ex's Facebook page, rather than having him in a friends list.
> 
> My wife remains Facebook friends with an ex husband, with whom she cheated and ended her first marriage. He subsequently cheated on her and she ended her second marriage. (No surprise that he cheated his way in and out of her life). She ended her first marriage quickly to reduce the pain, and says the pain caused by her second husband's cheating taught her a lesson, something I believe. All her friends HATE this ex.
> 
> My wife is great, our relationship is wonderful. She is lovely, lively, and warm -- everything my ex wasn't. She keeps in touch with her first (with whom they have children) and I have no problem with any of that. I've visited his house, he's visited ours, and we've been out together on many social outings. While I know he still feels for her, I don't feel at all worried about him. I even like him.
> 
> At our ages, the chances of finding anyone with a pristine past are nearly zero, and I believe that she won't cheat again. I had many more lovers than she in my past, and was not exactly monogamous until my marriage (and I never broke my vows, I find cheating disgusting).
> 
> When I complained about her having ex#2 in her friends list, she removed him from her news feed, so at least she doesn't see every thing he. She doesn’t seem to understand that when she is in his friends list, HE sees everything SHE posts to her wall. I dislike seeing his name "liking" her posts -- there is nothing like seeing that "OhhShiney" and "HerEx" like what "MyWife" does. ( I wonder what our mutual friends think? ) When I visited his wall, I hate to see that we have "MyWife" in common – I REALLY don't like to be reminded of what we share. IMHO he's a cheater who likes to keep his options open. I do believe he'd pounce if given 1/100th of a chance.
> 
> I have no evidence she's done anything untoward, but even passive actions have consequences. I am doing my best to give her all my trust, but I'm of a personality type that has a hard time not thinking about stuff.
> 
> IMHO, every time you see a picture of an ex, you are reminded of them. Whole areas of your brain that are associated with the relationship are triggered, potentially bringing back memories. People tend to forget many of the bad things, and remember the good things. Many have said that, in a moment of weakness, a trigger such as a Facebook post with a handy "reply" button, might nudge one to behave in ways you might not without the trigger. Does this show my own insecurity? Yes, it does. I know I can’t control how she feels or thinks, but I think some aspects of social networking provide reminders a bit more frequently than do pictures shoved in a box in the closet. We all have a box like that, and we are all entitled to our memories. I don’t chose to integrate them into my daily life. They stay in the closet.
> 
> Having a Facebook friend is tantamount to agreeing to put a constantly updated digital photo frame of each other in your house, and one equipped with a handy, nearby button that allows a quick response. Your friend is always a single click away.
> 
> To me there is no business for an ex to show up in such a context.


She needs to block him on facebook. He not only sees her posts but they can exchange messages as well.


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## KathyBatesel

I sometimes look at profiles of people I used to know, just to satisfy a mild curiosity. It's not a big deal, and I'm glad my husband is sensible enough to know that my devotion is entirely to him.

I am FB friends with both of my ex husbands, too.

However, if I was chatting them up or messaging for anything personal and unnecessary, that would be out of line. 

On the other hand, I'd feel concerned if my husband was adding his ex. Although he has female friends there, and talks to them, that doesn't worry me. If he was talking to the same one again and again, it would, or if he was meeting with them for any reason without me, it would.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

F-102 said:


> I know this is a "zombie thread", but I will throw my oar in anyway.
> 
> Looking up an ex is not a big deal, but be warned-there is danger to it. I've posted on this subject before to a man whose W was texting an ex BF, and I'll do it here.
> 
> Right now, the texts/conversations with an ex may be innocent, but they may soon morph into:
> 
> Their lives since they parted
> Their relationships since they parted
> Their families
> Their spouses
> You
> How you're an excellent father
> How you're a great husband
> How you're a wonderful guy
> Your job
> How your job keeps you busy
> How your job keeps you away
> How she sometimes feels lonely when you're away
> How she sometimes feels a little overburdened at home
> How she sometimes feels a little taken for granted
> How she feels you don't ALWAYS listen to her
> How she feels you don't ALWAYS understand her
> How she feels like sometimes you're "not there" for her
> How...okay, you're not ALWAYS such a wonderful guy
> How she loved hearing from him again
> How she loves talking to him again
> How she looks forward to his texts/e-mails/calls now
> How she feels young again
> How she feels appreciated again
> How she feels attractive again
> How it's been so, so long since you made her feel that way
> How her eyes have now been opened
> How she now realizes what she truly wants and needs
> How she now realizes that you can't give her this
> How insensitive you can be sometimes
> How you can be a real jerk sometimes
> How she wonders if they would have stayed together
> How she now realizes that she never really loved you
> How she now realizes that she truly loved him all along
> How she ever could have fallen for a jerk like you
> How you're the biggest a**hole she's ever known
> How you're standing in the way of her true happiness
> How you ruined her life
> How she now realizes that she "settled" for you
> How she made a big mistake marrying you
> How she made an even bigger mistake letting him get away
> How they were really meant to be together
> How she desperately has to get away from you
> How she's definitely going to leave you
> How she's talking to divorce lawyers
> How they're going to live happily ever after...
> 
> ...get the picture?


So you really think I'm going to have this type of conversation with my husband's ex-wife?

Just kidding....:smthumbup:


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## chillymorn

Tourchwood said:


> confronted wife about it, she said she checked it out bordom and didnt mean anything to her. i told her this is not ur first and u know what it means to me, she sound didnt care after arguing she said
> " im sorry for typing name that dont mean **** to me do u feel better now"


I would have lost a gasket if my wife EVER talked to me that way.

she is being disrespectfull to you by have such a poor attitude about how you feel about this.

after she said that I would have told her to get the f*** out and go live with him if thats how she feels .

and I would have ment it!


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## sculley

it may be old but might be the type of thread someone needs to see....


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## OhhShiney

KathyBatesel said:


> I sometimes look at profiles of people I used to know, just to satisfy a mild curiosity. It's not a big deal, and I'm glad my husband is sensible enough to know that my devotion is entirely to him.
> 
> I am FB friends with both of my ex husbands, too.
> 
> However, if I was chatting them up or messaging for anything personal and unnecessary, that would be out of line.
> 
> On the other hand, I'd feel concerned if my husband was adding his ex.


I also don't care about googling exes, looking at profiles, etc. 

I do care about contact, either initiated by my spouse or an ex. 

The whole Facebook friend thing is a big fat gray area -- it is NOT active contact. What makes it annoying is that Facebook friending publishes your posts to all of your friend's walls. So, even if you aren't sending a message to each of your friends that says: 

*Dear ExHusband "Here is something I did today" signed - your ex wife.*​
your ex is getting a message on his wall that says 

*Your ex wife says * *"Here is something I did today"*​
Admittedly, I would be MUCH more bothered by individual messages than the passive wall posts in terms of behavior by my wife. 

However, her EX IS getting what amounts to a message from her every time she posts. Her ex can set up Facebook to work as a text message stalking program. 

Anyone can do this with any friend:


Assign the friend to a "close friends" lists
See EVERY single post by a close friend
Send a notification to their email or phone with every post made by a close friend

And, the way Facebook works, NOBODY knows if you have placed them on a close friend list, or if you have begun to stalk them.

In order to prevent all of your friends from being able to do this, you would have to classify your friends as "close friends", "acquaintances", or assign them to assorted private lists. Then, with every post you make, you would have to actively say "I want this post to go to only my close friends."

In other words, for one to keep an ex as a Facebook friend and prevent them from stalking them, you would have to 

1). Assign your ex to an "acquaintance" or "restricted list"
2). Make sure that each post you make is sent to "friends except acquaintances" 
3). Alternatively, assign all your "close friends" to a "close friends" lists, and then make sure each post you want to hide from others is sent only to "close friends".
4). The restricted list is handy, and is useful because Facebook, more often than not, prevents content from going to the restricted list. This allows you to essentially block a person without unfriending them. 

Again, nobody will know if they have been placed on a "restricted" or "acquaintances" list -- you can effectively block a person from knowing that they aren't seeing everything. 

My point is not that it's technically possible to have an ex on a friends list and not allow them to see every single post, but rather that it takes a lot of work and effort to isolate them, something the majority of Facebook users (including my wife) are either unaware of, or find to be too much effort. It's even likely that going out of the way to block an ex is uncomfortable.

I have my own ex wife's family on an acquaintances list so that they aren't exposed to most of my posts. To me, this is a reasonable compromise. I'd be HAPPY to have my wife place her ex on a restricted or acquaintance list.


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## HereWithoutYou

Eh, if it's just some facebook creepin' I wouldn't be worried about it. I do it all the time just out of boredom.


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## Bonnie

Rob774 said:


> Tourch... i don't know you so i can only give an opinion from what you type on here. Dude... you are overeacting. First of all, we already have a policy in my household, ZERO contact with ex's. I don't care if it was 20 years ago, he's a cool guy, he's married with 10 kids... i don't care. But my wife has told me, actually volunteered to me that she looked them up to see what they are doing with thier lives, nothing more. I didn't have a problem with that all. Now i know you said you told her previously not to do it, so i guess you have a gripe there. But if she hasn't given you reason not to trust her, is there much harm in looking someone up???


what about ex in laws?


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## BjornFree

Bonnie said:


> what about ex in laws?


Zombie thread.


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## G.S

Hi, 
I have found out that for the last 2 years my wife (after 17 years of marriage and 2 children) was checking on regular basis on her ex boyfriend (from 20 years ago). i found only the searches nothing else. she sometimes was checking his profile several times /day . i confronted her and she was saying that it was nothing , just stupidity and a bit of curiosity. I am on the verge of separation because of that and i felt (still do) really hurt. any thoughts!! every little helps!


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## The Middleman

G.S said:


> Hi,
> I have found out that for the last 2 years my wife (after 17 years of marriage and 2 children) was checking on regular basis on her ex boyfriend (from 20 years ago). i found only the searches nothing else. she sometimes was checking his profile several times /day . i confronted her and she was saying that it was nothing , just stupidity and a bit of curiosity. I am on the verge of separation because of that and i felt (still do) really hurt. any thoughts!! every little helps!


Do what I did ... Log into her account and block him ... And then see what develops. You need to draw a line in the sand.


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## LonelyinLove

I'm actually friends on FB with 2 of my ex boyfriends.

I'm not sure I see the problem.

I'm also friends with their wives and they are friends with my hubby.

They are part of my history, and I love knowing how their life is going.


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## The Cro-Magnon

LonelyinLove said:


> I'm actually friends on FB with 2 of my ex boyfriends.
> 
> I'm not sure I see the problem.


I'm sure you don't.

#YesAllWomen


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## DoF

OP, I would ask wife how she would feel if you were to look up ex's on Facebook?

Get a feel for what kind of person you are dealing with. If you are met with "I don't give a crap if you do", chances are, they are rather careless and have very little care for what you do......which means, they are careless themselves and have little respect for your relationship.

If you are met with a pause and some thinking, and a SINCERE apology, chances are you are dealing with someone that still cares and respects your marriage.





LonelyinLove said:


> I'm actually friends on FB with 2 of my ex boyfriends.
> 
> I'm not sure I see the problem.
> 
> I'm also friends with their wives and they are friends with my hubby.
> 
> They are part of my history, and I love knowing how their life is going.


I can't help but to laugh at your post. Especially when I look at your user name.

If you are friends with your Ex's, chances are high you are really crippling and sabotaging your ENTIRE relationship/marriage.

Your entire post is rather bizarre (to say the least).


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## LonelyinLove

DoF...

My user name is the title of my favorite Dan Fogelberg song, and one of my FB ex's was a BF from HIGH SCHOOL....why should we not care about people from our past? I look up old BF's I haven't heard from too. 

I have been married 36 years this month, so you don't know jack about me or my marriage.


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## DoF

LonelyinLove said:


> DoF...
> 
> My user name is the title of my favorite Dan Fogelberg song, and one of my FB ex's was a BF from HIGH SCHOOL....why should we not care about people from our past? I look up old BF's I haven't heard from too.
> 
> I have been married 36 years this month, so I you don't know jack about me or my marriage.


I think a better and bigger question is "why SHOULD you care?"


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## devotion

Zombie thread activate!!! 

It depends on the partner. I don't like if my girlfriend has contact with her exes, especially on Facebook. So I asked her to defriend it, and she did for me, despite seeing no problem with it. 

On the flip side, I love to talk relationships, not just on these forums anonymously, but with my friends in person. My girlfriend calls me a 'yapper' which is true, and she's not. So while I'm open with her, my other friends are much more interested in talking relationships and stuff. 

One of these friends happens to be a girl -- who I have absolutely no interest in -- but she got REALLY jealous about it. So I stopped. 

Jealousy is irrational, but for the sake of a relationship sometimes you decide 'Is this worth making my partner unhappy?' Just like I doubt anything would have happened with my GF talking to her EX on Facebook, I just worry about how that can evolve into something else (it happens). I'm sure she was worried about me taking openly about feelings with another woman and then that evolving into something else (it happens). So we both get out of temptation that the other side thinks is too much...


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## samyeagar

LonelyinLove said:


> I'm actually friends on FB with 2 of my ex boyfriends.
> 
> I'm not sure I see the problem.
> 
> I'm also friends with their wives and they are friends with my hubby.
> 
> *They are part of my history,* and I love knowing how their life is going.





LonelyinLove said:


> DoF...
> 
> My user name is the title of my favorite Dan Fogelberg song, and one of my FB ex's was a BF from HIGH SCHOOL....*why should we not care about people from our past*? I look up old BF's I haven't heard from too.
> 
> I have been married 36 years this month, so you don't know jack about me or my marriage.


At the point where you are actively bringing them into the present by checking up on them, it is a lie to then claim they are in the past.


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## otayman

I have same jealousy type of issues. It's horrible but I would encourage you not to check history files to "catch" your wife. You will drive yourself crazy. Not critizing at all. I am the worst offender but do your self a favor and just don't check up on her.


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## sculley

I know in my mind if they aren't open about it like mentioning in daily chat then chances are if they are hiding it then there is something to be bothered by especially since you have asked her not to and explain how it affects you. Sorry I'm going trough a divorce myself and some of it was because he would keep things and when I would ask about them then he would tell me and I would be like why didn't you say something he would say because you didn't ask.... I would be like so does that mean I need to ask everyday if you are cheating smh geeze...


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## GTdad

SadSamIAm said:


> Unless there is more happening (history of cheating), I wouldn't worry about it.
> 
> I have checked out a bunch of ex girlfriends profiles on Facebook. Just curious what happened to them, where they live, kids, etc. I hope they don't think I am wanting to hook up with them. I don't think my wife would mind me looking at their information.


This was posted three years ago on this rather elderly thread, but I agree.

I occasionally get curious what became of people I used to know, like folks I went to school with, and that includes girls I used to out with. I only get on FB once a month or so anyways, so we aren't talking "obsession" or anything.

But maybe what some of you are concerned about is something different than occasional, idle curiosity.


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## tibymia

I know I've checked out my ex's profile too.. But only Ina previous relationship that I wasn't truly happy in. I am happy with my current relationship and I haven't once done that or be curious about any of my previous dudes. I think it's a serious conversation to have with her and see why she is curious.. And what makes her think of her previous mates.


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## malcolypse

We all get nostalgic at times. I've looked up all of my exes at one time or another, and almost never because I was interested in any sort of rekindling, just that we spent time together and I got curious as to how they were doing.

I've even had exes move back to my state and try to rekindle, and politely said no. Doesn't mean I'm not curious and hoping they're well.

Trust your spouse.


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## SamuraiJack

devotion said:


> Zombie thread activate!!!
> 
> It depends on the partner. I don't like if my girlfriend has contact with her exes, especially on Facebook. So I asked her to defriend it, and she did for me, despite seeing no problem with it.
> 
> On the flip side, I love to talk relationships, not just on these forums anonymously, but with my friends in person. My girlfriend calls me a 'yapper' which is true, and she's not. So while I'm open with her, my other friends are much more interested in talking relationships and stuff.
> 
> One of these friends happens to be a girl -- who I have absolutely no interest in -- but she got REALLY jealous about it. So I stopped.
> 
> Jealousy is irrational, but for the sake of a relationship sometimes you decide 'Is this worth making my partner unhappy?' Just like I doubt anything would have happened with my GF talking to her EX on Facebook, I just worry about how that can evolve into something else (it happens). I'm sure she was worried about me taking openly about feelings with another woman and then that evolving into something else (it happens). So we both get out of temptation that the other side thinks is too much...


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