# Apathetic husband



## BusyMom2 (Apr 23, 2009)

I've been feeling like my husband only cares for work, his hobbies, and the kids. I know that sounds dramatic, but several things have happened lately and I felt I should tell him how I feel. When I said I feel like he doesn't care about me, his response was "that's not true." When I gave examples of when he really hurt me his response was "I don't know what to tell you" and continued to watch tv in silence. Now if that isn't an uncaring type answer, I'd like to know what is. 

Of course, that is the short story - things are more complicated - but I'm willing to take one thing at a time.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

he may be feeling the exact same way as you and that's why he doesnt really talk about it. he probably does care about you, but feels resentful in showing it because he feels you dont care about him. that's just a general scenario, though. 

if you two havent been communicating for awhile, you'll have to take it slow and be open to the idea that he feels exactly the same way you do.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

My husband is also very apathetic, or rather unemotional. He doesn't really shows he cares about me or the kids. I have learned that it is part of his personality. Being expressive, talkative, and affectionate are more female traits, and some men just show their love in other ways. 

Welcome to the site. Keep writing.


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## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

I would ask Him to talk about How Your "Both" feeling.. If he doesnt want to express about himself or have any input .. hes just gonna hurt you further cause You Know that you feel negative feelings right now and that should be enough for him to want to Re-Assure you that he loves & cares about you.. He should listen to you atleast .. your married to him / whatever kind of male personality he has going on doesnt change the fact You need him to listen etc....


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## heather143 (Apr 24, 2009)

He is a guy so he probably doesn't want to talk at all and that is why he didn't say anything much. Just wait it out and see how he continues to act. Also you can always do something about it and ask him on a date out to dinner and dancing or whatever you both like to do together.


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## daddymikey1975 (Apr 18, 2009)

some guys are non-confrontational. These type of guys will open up a bit more with a 'non personal' approach.. try writing him a letter, or an email.. but you should make the first one (ice breaker) something like.. "i've noticed some distance lately beween us.. I'm wondering what's on your mind ?? it's ok to tell me anything.. i won't judge you, or criticeze you, I'd just like to know what's on your mind.. even if you feel the answer will hurt my feelings... I can handle it.. "

anything neutral like that and non attacking.. see if he responds even a little...

EDIT: and WHEN he does start to reply and open up, remember to keem truth separate from emotion. There's truth to what he is saying.. it's from his perspective. Don't make him justify his feelings.. just ask him to share them and don't take anything he says personal.. just listen intently.. men are more to the point and women beat around the bush.. so when he's to the point, take it all in.. make notes, etc.. but most importantly, listen very intently... then when it's your turn to share your feelings, don't use phrases like "you always... " or " you never..." it turns off a guys' "give a $hit" real quick.. instead try "sometimes it seems as though _____" or while you're talking... pause before you say something that could be demeaning.. it'll appear as though you genuinely care about his feelings and it'll seem like you're trying to think of a neutral way to put it to him.. he'll appreciate it.. 

I hope this helps
mike


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## disillusionedinohio (May 22, 2009)

BusyMom2 said:


> I've been feeling like my husband only cares for work, his hobbies, and the kids. I know that sounds dramatic, but several things have happened lately and I felt I should tell him how I feel. When I said I feel like he doesn't care about me, his response was "that's not true." When I gave examples of when he really hurt me his response was "I don't know what to tell you" and continued to watch tv in silence. Now if that isn't an uncaring type answer, I'd like to know what is.
> 
> Of course, that is the short story - things are more complicated - but I'm willing to take one thing at a time.


Please be patient with me. I'm new to this website and am not 100% sure I'm doing this right.

I, too, have an apathetic husband. I honestly don't think he'd shed a tear if I were to die. I'm at a loss as to what to do in my marriage.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I had a friend long time ago people described her as apthetic.

?
I knew more about her than they did and it wasn't that she was unemotional, it was that she was so hurt, she stopped caring about most everything to preserve what few crumbs of sense and rationality she had left

after her husband of 20 years dumped her with 3 kids and left the country with his new 25 year old girlfriend. Shecould not even get child support, had no job skills... she was a mess.
She just shut down emotionally as her reality was too painful.

I wished I could have helped her but I was young myself and unable, who finally helped her was the church. She never recovered and is a hermit... its been like 20 years, she is still like that.. dead inside I guess.


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