# is it something i do?



## eva.hollis (Sep 8, 2008)

Me and my husband have spent most of our relationship apart he is in the military and goes to alot of training as well as deployments..Our relationship depends on communication...but I am extremly jealous, idk why. i dont like him talking to other females or even working with other females, or even having his old female friends in his life...i am faithful to him and always have been... so its not my own actions that make me question his.. && my heart tells me that he is faithful but maybe its my own insecurities gettin in the way... everyone my whole life has screwed me over including my parents, am i just expecting him to do to me what everyone else has?? he lies about stupid things to try to comfort me and that makes me question him more... i love him and want our marriage to work we are both so young...


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

eva.hollis said:


> everyone my whole life has screwed me over including my parents, am i just expecting him to do to me what everyone else has?? he lies about stupid things to try to comfort me and that makes me question him more... i love him and want our marriage to work we are both so young...


Since everyone has screwed you over its not that you are expecting him to do it, its all you know. you dont know how else to be. you couldnt trust him even if you wanted to because you dont even know what that means. the issue is obviously very deep because you mention your parents. to understand what it means to trust you're going to have to go to counseling, read books, and talk to others, but also just let life teach you. 

What does he lie about?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Everyone deserves a clean slate and trust. How would you feel if he judged you because he was screwed over?

draconis


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## eva.hollis (Sep 8, 2008)

he lies about stupid things...but he will tell me the truth first && depending on my reaction he may or may not change the story to make me happy...i cant remember what he lies about we had a talk about being 100% truthful with eachother and since then he says he has..
I also believe that everyone deserves a chance but everytime i told myself i would let myself trust ppl completly i get screwed over.. Isn't there a time you worry about yourself && give up on giving everyone a "clean slate"? If you gave everyone a clean slate you would get hurt all the time...


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I've read both of your post and can see you're dealing with a lot. How old are your children? Do you work or go to school? I can certainly relate to some of the negative feelings you are having. I, too, have had negative feelings and they have caused some major problems for me. Therefore, I think counseling would be great for you while you are still young. You really need to start having positive thoughts. I'm now finding that everything around me improves with positive thoughts. A great therapist can make you see that the whole world isn't against you. The negativity will bring anger and resentment; that's not a world you want to live in. Also, it bothers me that your husband is lying--even if it is to make you feel better. The lying will get to be a habit and then it may not be for a good cause. You'll get to where you don't trust him. 

This forum is a good place to come for support. Hope you find peace.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

eva.hollis said:


> ... everyone my whole life has screwed me over including my parents, am i just expecting him to do to me what everyone else has?? he lies about stupid things to try to comfort me and that makes me question him more... i love him and want our marriage to work we are both so young...


This says a lot. It's only natural to want to protect yourself based on the cards you've been dealt in the past, especially when it's your own parents (I know first-hand what that's like).

What I wish I figured out when I was younger is that by constantly worrying about what he might be doing and not trusting him, you are creating your own disaster...he will get tired of it and either distance himself from you or may be untruthful not because he's up to something, but because he knows the truth will upset you and he isn't doing anything wrong. By being this way, YOU ARE SETTING YOURSELF UP TO BE SCREWED OVER AGAIN!!! 

I cannot relate to having a husband in the military. It sounds very difficult and I'm sure the feelings that come with that go beyond my understanding. I would suggest 2 things...getting into a support group with other military wives so that you have a sounding board for your feelings so you can focus more on the positive with your husband and the other would be some individual counseling. Feeling unsupported by your own parents can create some pretty strong insecurities...feeling that you don't deserve to be loved or are unlovable...if you are having those types of feelings, counseling will probably help you sort that out. If you get to a point where you feel happy about who you are and gain that confidence, you will probably see everything else fall into place.


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## eva.hollis (Sep 8, 2008)

we only have one kid right now he is 8 months old...
Sometimes i do trust him tho, like there isnt a thought in my mind that he would hurt me && then sometimes i jus freak out && all my thoughts get to me... i am a stay at home mother and am going thru this deployment alone so basically if i am at home not doing anything i think to much and that is what gets me into my bad thoughts... i try to stay positive && think that he wont hurt me... but sometimes it gets so hard... i spend hours at a time at wal-mart buying nothing jus to get away from my thoughts... I wasn't like this as much before the deployment so it could be the deployment, but it is this time the most that we need to be supportive of eachother...


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