# Newbie



## Hunter120 (Jul 10, 2019)

Hi,
I have been with my husband for 5 years but married for a year, we have always had some sort of problem but have resolved it in the past. But lately it's gotten worse, I am at my wits end with him as he doesn't think of how I feel when he does things. Just yesterday I went to pay off my credit card and knew it was only $300 but it ended up being $600 so I do some looking to find out he took my card (his name isn't on it) and racked up the charge. He never asked not told me that he took my card (but he said it was left on my nightstand so he felt like he had the right to it). He doesn't seem to think that he could be charged for fraud as he signed his name on the things that required signature, even though it has my name and not his! I had him on this account in the past but he spent 3k and I of course had to pay for it all (even though he says I never gave him a chance, when I have but knew he wouldn't pay and make it late and then screw up my credit) so after that I took him off as I am not going to keep paying for him and mind you I have been supporting him living with me (havent seen more than $200 every 4 months) when it was agreed that when he moved in with me he would pay his part (split living bills 50/50). I can't seem to get through to him that he is hurting me and its hurting our relationship, he plays the victim card and throws everything back at me making me seem like I am the bad person. I have nobody to go to as I don't seem to have him understanding and being smart about his spending. I don't know what to do, I don't want a divorce. I just want him to get his head out of his butt and come to realization. What would you guys do if you were me?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

What a loser. I'm unsure how you are able to put up with someone this pathetic. He sure doesn't act like much of a man.


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## Hunter120 (Jul 10, 2019)

I was asking for advice, not to put him down! I'm sure there are others who have been in my situation


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## Oldtimer (May 25, 2018)

By not putting your foot down you are becoming the victim. My spouse pays all of our bills, but in saying that, we both have access to all of our accounts. I make it clear when I’m purchasing items other than our daily needs as does she. Perhaps seeing a financial counsellor might help.

Other than that, I question why you keep supporting him. You realize that the more you support him in his failure to meet obligations, he has no incentive to stop his ways. 

How was he in meeting obligations prior to getting married?


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## JMH1983333 (Jul 11, 2019)

I have to agree with Oldtimer. I run the finances, but my husband has access to all the accounts. We kind of caused some financial problems when we first got together, so I had to set rules for spending. We don’t use credit cards anymore. We only use money we have and if the money isn’t there, we don’t buy it, unless there’s an emergency. We both discuss when we feel we need to spend money on something that isn’t a normal expense and decide together if it’s justified. He doesn’t care if I spend without asking because I’m more financially responsible, but out of respect I always talk to him anyways. If there isn’t clear communication regarding finances, it can lead to a really bad problem, but it sounds like you’re already there. You need to set clear rules. Maybe even consider giving him a monthly allowance of cash or with a debit card, but no more credit card. It makes it too easy to spend money that way. Go over finances with him every month so it is clear why he can’t be blowing money whenever he feels like it. Best of luck to you.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Hunter120 said:


> I was asking for advice, not to put him down! I'm sure there are others who have been in my situation


OK, our, or most, of our advice is to divorce your H. He is an immature child and he will make your life miserable. 

A man that is not earning a living for his family, is not a man, he is a child, except in some VERY special circumstances. 

I know this thinking is kind of old fashioned, but it works and it has for a while. 

At the very least, everyone in a marriage should pull their own weight...


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Divorce


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

You two have very different views of finances. He practices financial infidelity--sneak her card and make excuses. He literally thinks he is winning. Therapy to address these divergent beliefs is mandatory IMO. He is likely a great guy in other areas, but he will escalate if he is allowed to continue on this path.

Also, what does he want so badly that he hides his actions from you?


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## Hunter120 (Jul 10, 2019)

For those who have said that you run the financial part, we both have separate accounts as he never wanted to have me on his account. So it's hard to have control over his spending when he won't allow me as of now to see what he spends his money on. We finally had a talk last night and he came to realize he has a problem, I am not letting him get off of this easy and will be looking into a financial counselor and marriage counseling as I am not one to leave for something that could be solved. He asked for forgiveness but I told him that it will take time as I need to see him improve on his issues. So I am hoping that both a financial and marriage counseling helps us and helps my husband open up his eyes on how much he spends on things that aren't necessarily. Thank you for your advice and tips and tricks on what helps you guys


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