# Just not sure



## upset/confused

As my husband came home from his trip, I questioned him. I had seen his chat records and they were not innocent as he proclaims. He got mad and here came the word divorce. I called the Life Consultant (Overseas-military-not much choice) and spoke to him the next day. I felt a little calmer. I have been seeing him 3x a week. 

When I mentioned to my H that WE need to talk to someone about what is really wrong, he refused. After a week and trying to talk, he finally relented. The session wasnt productive. I wanted to find out what was really going on and find a way to communicate. My H of course wanted to separate. He said he had a place to stay for 2 weeks now, but hadnt used it??? 

The therapist said ok, so you want to separate. I asked about guidelines...This is what I got. He will leave the house and take the kids on the weekends. That's it. No agreement on how long we will separate, how long he will have the kids, for the weekend or just a few hours each day, do we talk to each other once a day, once a week, never? We have another appointment a week after the first one. He is of course on another trip so isnt around anyway. He returns in a few days and then what? 

I didnt want to talk about separation, until we talked about communication. I have no other choice as far as seeing a different therapist.

Since I was trying to be nice and patient and that wasnt working, I did the 180 and havent spoke to him since the first night after he left. I had sent him an email with about 5 questions concerning the how long, time with kids, contacting each other etc.

He told me he would answer it that night, but nothing. He called again yesterday but I refused to talk to him. I have another session today, is there anything I should bring up with the therapist?

Married 9 years, 2 kids


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## bs193

Almost sounds like you should be talking to an attorney, not a counselor.


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## upset/confused

He says he really doesnt want a divorce but has since moved out of the house. He doesnt want to think about things, like how much time, what days he has the kids....how often should we talk ..counseling....he calls me but I dont answer because I can't live with "I don't know how long this separation needs to be". I want a plan, he doesnt want to think about it...


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## anonymiss

Mine is doing the same thing, except we have no kids. Seems like they retreat when they are stressed this badly or confused. My H dad asked him why doesn't he just go home? and H response was "he's just not ready"...


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## that_girl

Don't push. Don't ask. Help yourself and don't say a word about the breakup, etc.


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