# New Chapter...The Old Life Is Gone



## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

Hey guys, Im still here. The old thread needed to go. Im being spied on most likely, so it was probably compromised. So a new chapter begins. Stay tuned for details. I posted this in the same forum because im still coping with infidelity. Just now Im the one being accused of it. Ironic no?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

You could have had it moved to the private section


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> You could have had it moved to the private section


If you think some one is watching - you most definitely should move to Private Member section.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ask to move this thread to the Private Mmeber by a Mod..


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I think he means the 180, getting in shape, dying the ol' moustacheroo got his wife suspicious that he maybe cheating.


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## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

Complexity said:


> I think he means the 180, getting in shape, dying the ol' moustacheroo got his wife suspicious that he maybe cheating.


In the words of the Fonz...exactamundo (there was just a Happy Days rerun on TV). Didnt happen, so far from happening its ridiculous, but nonetheless, I got questions, phone bill looked through, the whole nine....ridiculous. getting in shape, moustache, new clothes, my secretive new life, yep IM the one who cheated. She doesnt care, she just wants ammo im sure.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

stuckmick said:


> In the words of the Fonz...exactamundo (there was just a Happy Days rerun on TV). Didnt happen, so far from happening its ridiculous, but nonetheless, I got questions, phone bill looked through, the whole nine....ridiculous. getting in shape, moustache, new clothes, my secretive new life, yep IM the one who cheated. She doesnt care, she just wants ammo im sure.


Without being yet still presumptive about her own fidelity, I will point out that so often on here a cheating spouse will actually accuse the loyal one of cheating, its called projection. Just thought you should know so you can add it to the list of red flags.


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## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

Shes not cheating, im sure of it now. I became safe and boring. She exaggerated our problems, re-wrote our history and thinks she is taking the right path. I became a doormat and a crutch. I am about to take that away, by her choice. She called me this evening. I ignored it. She called again about an hour later. She is working and actually had the balls to ask me to bring her a bag and medicine to her before i went to work. I have become a convenience to her. Doing anything to avoid me until she needs me. If i were in her position, i would not ask me to do anything. I know you all have said this is normal cake eating, but maybe im just not normal.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

Nothing, i went to work
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

sounds like you are beginning to acknowledge the power of indifference.

Seriously go dark, no contact and forget about even trying to show her what she is missing out on, invest all your energy into what is most important in your life: you.


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## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

Lon said:


> sounds like you are beginning to acknowledge the power of indifference.
> 
> Seriously go dark, no contact and forget about even trying to show her what she is missing out on, invest all your energy into what is most important in your life: you.


I hear you....for the past 5 days all contact initiated by her. Texts, phone calls, discussions, all initiated by her. Except for the blow up where she accused me of cheating, i have not talked to her. That was the last attempt to talk sense into her. I AM weak, i do love her, but i know i cannot show it. I am done with this limbo sh*t. Too little too late? I dont know. She has not asked about my cell phone logs again, even after i offered to give her the password. The way i feel right now? Piss on it. I offered, i wont offer again. She doesnt have the right to my life anymore, she threw it away. You want to to see my phone logs? Walk your ass into work and get me yours. Then you can have mine. She wants to go to counseling to help us transition? Fine, but the first thing im going to do is ask her to leave the room and im going to tell the counselor exactly what i think. You want to help counselor? Deal with that. Im not looking to help her feel better about leaving our marriage and destroying our family. So you can counsel that sh*t right out the f*ckin window. Im done enabling this madness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

Worked all night, worked out when I got home and sleep still wont come. Its times like this that are the hardest. When I want to reach out. When Im so tired I have a million things going through my head and the one I used to share everything with doesnt give a rats ass about me. 
I go over this sh*t in my head again and again. Stick to the path, believe half of what you see and hear. Dont listen to her words, pay attention to her actions. They are conflicting. Her words say no, but her actions speak volumes.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Please, no couples counseling to 'help with her transition.' If she needs counseling, let her find it and go. She sounds like an angry wife who's blaming you, but doesn't really know what she wants. I still think some good, old-fashioned hormonal rage may be playing a part, but how long can a man be the punching bag when this is happening. At some point, the woman has to help herself in a constructive way, which means not deciding that the people around her are the source of all her problems. It also means having some compassion and empathy for the people her anger is hurting. I think this comes with time, but it can be too late for her.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Mick, you are doing what you need to do - as for the "too little too late" I have come to believe that statement is just a bullcrap excuse for the wayward one to deal with giving up on their own committment - it can't be "too little" if you have the will to restore your marriage and try to fix it but those efforts meet nothing from her in return, and in marriage it is never "too late" so long as both want to fix it, so that is all on her and is not about you, so don't accept too little too late as your problem its all her problem.

Even if you are weak right now, which I don't think just disoriented, it doesn't mean you will forever remain weak. But she is the one walking away from marriage, that to me is a real show of weakness so realize that despite how you feel you really are the stronger one.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

IC can help a lot if you have the right counselor. Some just enable and justify.

Many women feel bitter and self-righteous about what they think is the raw deal they get with the pressures of family and childcare. It's hard to feel empathy for the husband when you're feeling this way. A good counselor can break through this anger and self-pity & allow a woman to view her husband with some understanding and tenderness. But she has to be willing to admit that some of her self-righteousness may be wrong. Doesn't sound like the W here is open to that.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

^^

She has been going to IC. IC to help her get over the guilt of breaking up the family......The whole time stuckmick thought she was going to figure out what's wrong with her.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> You could have had it moved to the private section





TDSC60 said:


> If you think some one is watching - you most definitely should move to Private Member section.





the guy said:


> Ask to move this thread to the Private Mmeber by a Mod..





tdwal said:


> Move it to the private section


Did it ever occur to any of the above well meaning posters that whoever might be spying on him would..um..possibly read the advice about moving the thread to the private section and then..um..find out how to read threads in the private section?

Did it ever occur to those same members to give that same advice PRIVATELY via the messaging system of this site?


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## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

If we divorce , we have to go through court ordered counseling anyway. I just dont understand any of this. She will be home in the morning, so im expecting another round of "when are you moving out" discussions....this always happens on the day after she comes home from work.....another round of crying excuses, telling me she doesnt love me , another round of hurt for me....and now probably more accusations then alternately telling me she doesnt care
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

stuckmick said:


> If we divorce , we have to go through court ordered counseling anyway. I just dont understand any of this. She will be home in the morning, so im expecting another round of "when are you moving out" discussions....this always happens on the day after she comes home from work.....another round of crying excuses, telling me she doesnt love me , another round of hurt for me....and now probably more accusations then alternately telling me she doesnt care
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you waiting for her to file first?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

tdwal said:


> That's the problem, she is unwilling and laughs about him to her friends and family behind his back. (Var)


Right. But unfortunately, in my experience, many, many women talk about their (beloved) husbands in derisive ways with other women. This often doesn't mean anything other than venting some frustration. (I know that it's not nice or particularly respectful, but many women do it & still very much love their husbands.) In any event, as a woman, I would perhaps guard against using this as a true sign of anything.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> If we divorce , we have to go through court ordered counseling anyway.


So you are STILL weighting the chance for R?
Man. Your wife is not in a "fog", she's not "depressed", she wants Out, she's not into you. she doesn't love you. Yeah, she feels guilty about all of this but it's what's going on here.
She just wants you here as emotional punching bag alternating with a bit of friend to ease her guilt mad make things easy for her. F0ck it.

I don't see nothing to save here, man. You are in a losing battle. Reagrup and start making plans of future. Your future doesn't include her at all. It's you and your children.
File for divorce, stop playing at her timeline, stop her mindf0ckrey already. You are at her will for over two years!.
Then tell you you consider yourself DONE. She has nothing to say about your social life, about your free time, about nothing but logistics and kids. Period. You don't agree MC except forthe court ordered one.
Start your future. I'ts out ther waiting for you.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

StuckMick,

When she accuses you of cheating Just say this;

"Yes I am cheating. I am cheating with my right hand. My right hand has treated me better this past year than you have.

My right hand loves me.
My right hand does not lie to me.
My right hand does not bad mouth me to your friends and coworkers.

Oh and by the way. You move out because I am not leaving.

Oh and I moved all your crap to the spare bedroom because I am sick of all your nonsense.

So now you know where to find me if you want to serve me papers because I refuse to be married to a crazy woman any longer!"

That is what you tell her. Then walk away to your bedroom.

HM64


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## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

Thats means i would have to talk to her. Which i am not in a particular mood to do. Im shutting down. There are times of weakness, but im beginning to dread seeing her let alone speak to her. Im beginning to feel like i didnt lose her, she lost me. All contact initiated by her still, not a word from me. She called, i ignored it. The second time i answered cause i knew it was about the kids. She was like "Hey!"..she continued to text me after that...i gave her one word answers an hour and half later. Not playin thls game anymore...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

Im deleting this thread, be back in few days when the heat is off....stay tuned....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

stuckmick said:


> Im deleting this thread, be back in few days when the heat is off....stay tuned....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Take care of yourself and please record the conversations with her to protect you!


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## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

Ok, im back, i didnt delete. Whirlwind of two or three days. Yesterday she reached out to 2 of my people, for whatever reason. They told her what they thought. She spent yesterday in total meltdown mode. She was always worried about people knowing and she does this. Does she not think theyre gonna give their opinions? She says she spent the whole day crying. Told her i couldnt help what others say. Perhaps if she had reached out to them before she made this unilateral decision, this could have been avoided. We had it out this morning again. She was so pissed off at me, why i dont know SHE talked them, that she said she didnt want to seperate anymore she wanted a divorce. She then came back 3 hours later and said she did want to seperate for 3, 6, 9 months or year, however long it took to figure this out. I was reading a book on my phone, she asked what i was reading , i told her "Too good to leave , Too bad to stay".....turns out we downloaded the same book. Lol...shaking my head over that, what are the odds? She asked what i thought of the answers to the questions that are asked in the book.....and was i surprised by any of them....i told her i would tell her when i finished the book. Truth is , im not. Ive answered everyone in the " too good to leave column". I guess it depends on whether you going in with a positve or negative attitude.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Why are you still talking to her? you are feeding her arguments and justifications ??

And I think she has access to this thread


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## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Why are you still talking to her? you are feeding her arguments and justifications ??
> 
> And I think she has access to this thread


Why do you think that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

You said she had access to your older thread and she knows your username.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

WORD: When it comes to cheating, the first thing that goes out the door is everything and anything the wayward spouse may have learned as the "truth", in Sunday school.
If the cheater starts spouting religious slogans, they have figured out that they were caught behind the barn with a goat or sheep and are trying to discredit the discovery.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Have noted this before, but your W truly sounds like a very confused, very angry, self-righteous woman. She sounds like she's desperately trying to identify and isolate the source of her unhappiness. She thinks maybe it's you, maybe not. I've been there & know that the push and pull is all part of the miserable process. She may be cake-eating, but doesn't feel smug or satisfied in it, I would bet.

IMO, if you separate, you will find some peace for yourself in your daily life & start to disconnect, decompress, etc. She, on the other hand, may find some clarity for herself & realize that she doesn't, after all, want to lose you.


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

stuckmick said:


> Ive answered everyone in the " too good to leave column". I guess it depends on whether you going in with a positve or negative attitude.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Really? I'm not familiar with the book, but surely some of the questions would have "too bad to stay" answers.

Keep as positive an attitude as you want, but be careful of rose colored glasses.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

donders said:


> Did it ever occur to any of the above well meaning posters that whoever might be spying on him would..um..possibly read the advice about moving the thread to the private section and then..um..find out how to read threads in the private section?
> 
> Did it ever occur to those same members to give that same advice PRIVATELY via the messaging system of this site?


if he got it moved right away it wouldnt have been read because it would have been in the private section


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What are you doing on the legal front?


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

All on you stuck.

Personally I feel a divorce would be the best option. A separation would only give her more time to string along and BS like she did for the 9 months you tried to make the marriage work.


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