# Sick of my Wife - Help Me pleasE? Thoughts?



## DasWunderkind (Oct 21, 2019)

So I’ve been recently diagnosed with Severe Anxiety and Depression along with PTS due to traumatic Childhood experiences. No history of anything ever and then boom….this just hits me out of nowhere. Rocked my life and my Family to its core. I’m currently out of work on disability due to my diagnosis, plus I can no longer drive because while driving I get visions of crashing which my dr deemed not safe for my self or other people.

Anyhow, today I had a severe Panic/Anxiety attack after my Wife began screaming at me because I disposed of old clothes belonging to My Step Son and my Daughter. These were clothes that the Children personally selected and opted to get rid of. After 2 Months of the Clothing Bags sitting in our garage, I finally got rid of them without consulting my Wife first and she just found out….mind you, this all happened last month and she never event noticed.

Before getting rid of the clothing, I looked through each bag and removed some of my Step Son’s baby clothing and items that I thought My Wife might want to keep for memories. All I got rid of were newer pants he didn’t want because they didn’t fit anymore. My Wife says she wanted to either give them to someone she knows or give them to my young Son who won’t fit into those pants for another 5 years….by then we can just get him his own brand new pants.

As for my Daughters stuff, I checked through as well. Nothing worth keeping at all. Just got rid of it. 

My Wife is more upset about My Step Son’s stuff and I am leveling with her. I understand that I failed to communicate with her because getting rid of the bags. She says she wanted to check through them first, but I already did that and thought it was safe to dispose of. She thinks that was wrong with me….I understand her and am very very sorry about it. I should have consulted her first. I profusely express my apologies to her…even practically crying but she was furious. Like she hated my guts and wanted nothing to do with me. She stopped talking to me…..and left the house.

My Question is…..are Material items more important than our Family? Our Love? Our relationship? That stuff can be replaced right? If its just old pants that her Son personally volunteered to get rid of…..we can just buy more. Right? He didn’t care for any of that stuff. And like I said, I looked through his bag and removed Baby articles that might be sentimental to my Wife.

Would you be so furious about your spouse getting rid of donation clothing without consulting you? Is she right? Am I Wrong? I genuinely want to know! I’ve already apologized regardless and feel horrible since it means so much to her.

Additionally, a month ago before my diagnosis we began fighting because I thought it wasn’t a good idea for her to leave to pick up My Step Son from School just a few minutes before I had to leave for work. We have 2 cars. One doesn’t work very well but still runs and she could have used that car to get him as she normally has when Im not around. Or she could have used Uber which would’ve only cost $8 as his School is not to far from our house.

I usually leave my house at 11 or 11:15 the latest to avoid potential traffic. She wanted to leave at 10:49Am to pick up her son in the car I use for work. I didn’t think it was a good idea as I didn’t think she’d make it back on time, wether it be due to traffic or any other issues. She got so mad and decided that I don’t like her Son or when she has to do anything for her Son. Insults were exchanged and a whole heated argument ensued.

First off, I am a stickler for rules when it comes to work. I’ve had perfect attendance…no absences….no lateness. nothing. I didn’t want to ruin it on a one off shot because I was eyeing a promotion within my company where I would have gotten paid more and it would have benefitted all of us. Because I was in the house at 11:10am still on that day, My Wife got so mad….”So why are you still here? I could have gone and come back already”….I was still there working on side projects to produce more income for our Family and she knows that. I didn’t personally keep her from getting her Son. Like I Said, we had another Car or she could have done Uber….but me being there still, was worth the fight to her.

SO. I don’t dislike her son. I like him and care for him very much. He is older than my Children and treats them very nicely. Plays with them too and I love that. Plus he’s very smart and very nice. I don’t have a great bond with him because his Father is involved and made sure to try and stop any potential bonding by having me remove facebooks posts with his kids, etc, etc and not allowing me to enforce rules with his Kids in my house. I never said I wanted to discipline or hit or scream at his Son….just enforce rules and ask for assistance around the house in a nice and pleasant manner. That’s all.

So with my Anxiety/Depression. This has become very stressful. Hard to deal with and I even feel numb to the situations where I’m beginning to dislike my Wife more and more.

Things have happened between myself and My Step Son in the past but it was when I was much younger and had just married my Wife who had Children way before I met her. I didn’t understand the whole parenting thing and questioned a lot of things. I may have been unfair at times but not mean I don’t think….but it was all due to inexperience. Not me genuinely being mean. I’ve expressed my apologies and always expressed enthusiasm to learn and better myself in the Step Parent department.

I don’t want anyone to pity me. Especially not my Wife. I don’t want her to take it easy on me because I have a mental disability . But I kind of expected her to just understand what Im going through right now and if she has to express her deep anger for something serious, she should….but not for clothes that we can replace? Right? Or am I wrong?

Once my anxiety kicks in, I can’t breathe…I become so scared….my vision gets blurry…I get headaches and get so emotional that I don’t even know what to do with myself. I’ve been prescribed medication, but my Dr and Wife thought it’d be best for me not to take them since I have small Children and if I ever go with out the meds…I could experience some dangerous side effects which I don’t want. We all decided it’d be best for me to not build that dependency so I’m seeing a Psychiatrist. 

My Wife and I have had huge fights in the past of course but it’s all been misunderstandings on her part. She thought I didn’t want her to speak or have a relationship with her sister which is not true at all. Her sister has an alcohol problem and involves her self in abusive relationships and would call my Wife and expect her to be on the phone ALL DAY when she needed it. She would also call at 1:00 AM while we’re sleeping. If My Wife couldn’t talk, her Sister would get mad at her for not having time for her. I DIDN”T want her to not speak to or have a relationship with her sister….I wanted her to establish a realistic boundary where her Sister knows that we have Children, household chores, Work, Life and we have a Marriage that we have to attend to also.

My Wife also thinks I don’t like her Mother and don’t want anything to do with her Mother which is also not true. Alcohol abuse runs in My Wife’s Family. Luckily My Wife is not into Alcohol because of her Family’s history and things she’s seen while living with them. So My Wife’s Mother has been abusing alcohol for many years. WAY before I ever met my Wife. She’s been using and abusing booze while My Wife was married to another Man……see her Mother kept trying to come live with us because she couldn’t find or maintain a job due to her alcohol abuse. My Wife kicked her out of her previous marriage’s houses because of that…..so when the discussion came up with me when My Wife and I first married…wether her Mom can live with us….I said given her record, I don’t think we can trust her but lets try it……so we did and not only did she get nasty drunk in the presence of our young Children but she was also unproductive…..only watching tv all day or just cleaning our house to make up for her not looking for work. We played the game of having her live with us about 5 times….each time she drank and stayed with us months at a time….never tried to leave or get on her won feet…..so we had to boot her. Her Mom never admits to having an alcohol problem. She lies when she really is drinking…..she won’t get help….there’s nothing we can do. All I wanted was for her Mom to not live with us if she’s drinking and doesn’t want to better herself .I don’t want my kids seeing that and I don’t like my house reeking of alcohol….but that turned into…..”You don’t like my Mom”.

Then of course the guy friend thing. There was a guy from work who was in love with my wife. She wanted him to sleep over her house one time a few weeks into us dating. I asked her to cut him off….she didn’t like that.

A guy that she cheated on her ex husband on, still liked her and she wanted to remain friends with him. I asked her to cut it off and she didn’t like it.

Then a Childhood friend who she admitted she kissed and dated for a little bit. She was talking to him again after we were married. He would call at night while she was putting her son to sleep in his room across the hall from our room….doors closed….and this guy is asking my Wife if she has ever had a threesome. A question I never asked My Wife and honestly don’t want to know. Should I be talking about sex or threesomes with another woman? …..I asked her to stop it….she didn’t like it.

We went back to our home town on vacation to meet with the Sister of her ex boyfriend whom she had relations with. I was ok with meeting the sister. fine. But the sister invited us to have dinner at her house with her brother who is my Wife’s ex boyfriend/sexual partner. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable in a very nice way……My Wife hated that idea. I was a bad guy for that.

Then a long time Girl-Friend of my Wife, who also knew My Wife’s ex husband was telling the ex husband personal things about me. Even making up stories about me to the guy because she was a nasty person who liked drama. She even tried to fight with me one time. I DID ask my wife to disassociate from this person but for obvious reasons……My Wife didn’t like that.

Misunderstandings here. Misunderstandings there.

My brain hurts….My Depression is gettin far worse…..

Any thoughts? Suggestions? PLEASE?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

My brain hurts, my heart hurts worse after reading this.

You need to free this woman you married. And free yourself.

At the bottom of your depression and anxiety 'hole', is you.

At the top of the hole is your wife. She threw you in there, and there you lay.

I suspect.....

Getting on the proper meds., and getting her and her ways out of your life you will recover, and be fine again.

You are suffering from stress, from PTSD from her ways and thoughts.

You cannot rid yourself of the battle until you leave the battlefield, and the battle axe, that is your wife.

We all have breaking points, you have met yours, your ring is on her finger, and her words ring loudly and incessantly in your memory.



Nemesis-


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

Agree with SunCMars. Whatever the childhood trauma, your wife is making things MUCH worse for you.
She is a cheater and a control freak. She doesn’t deserve you. She twists EVERYTHING to make it your fault.

Should you have asked her about the clothes? Maybe. But people are human and make mistakes and you have tried to fix it.

Living with someone who is struggling with mental health issues is hard on the whole family i admit. But your wife is a train wreck with her own issues.

My friend, you need to focus on healing yourself first. The illness will blow everything out of proportion and you will think everything is your fault until you get well.
You are taking all the right steps. Have faith in the process but be prepared to switch Drs/meds/therapists until you get what works for you. Get some fresh air and exercise, eat healthy, drink water and rest (notice i didnt say sleep, sometimes you cant). One step at a time
Have you considered CBD oil or smoke for the anxiety? Consult your Dr first.

Honestly though, your wife is broken. She needs help herself. Cheater, manipulator, co dependant and controlling.
IMO you will have to leave her when the time is right to truly experience wellness.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

She sounds like a nightmare to live with to be honest. I really don't blame you for being sick of her. If my husband had thrown out something I wanted I'd be pissed...for a day maybe. I'd consider a trial separation while you get well. I'm not clear on why meds would be so dangerous? I'd think uncontrolled severe anxiety and panic attacks would be a lot more dangerous.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You were not born broken, life has weighed heavy on you and you have been bent over and remain onward faltered.

Step out from under the weight, and your steps upward will get lighter, they much easier toward forward.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I agree with SCM. I couldn't even make it through your whole story. Even so, I am pretty sure your anxiety is mainly coming from this relationship. Please try to find the courage and strength to divorce this person. You will have a whole new better life without this person in it.



SunCMars said:


> My brain hurts, my heart hurts worse after reading this.
> 
> You need to free this woman you married. And free yourself.
> 
> ...


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think you are in an abusive relationship. Your panic attacks are from trauma, some of which your W is actively causing. The issue of the clothes is a perfect example of using a triviality to punish and degrade someone.

You saved the infidelity until the end, although it is probably the most hurtful of her behaviors.

You are in treatment for your anxiety/depression. Are you in therapy? It would help immensely, in my opinion.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I think you seriously need to consider leaving, and I highly suspect your sudden onset of PTSD due to childhood trauma has been triggered or amplified by your wife’s behaviour.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I also suspect that because your rules have been broken, was your method of coping. No that said maybe your wife is terrible, this l don't know. But to answer your question you showed no respect or honor for your wife. In her son childhood clothing. Especially not being your son. And she has a right to be upset. 

It seems your controlling nature is and was, a form of control, you showed all of their short comings in your post but other than that. You seem to only focus on what you want and in the time that you choose. And as far as your mental health. If your just diagnosed, see what therapy works for you. 

But if you are that sick of your wife, and she has stayed with you up to this point, you really need to think this over. As it will play out you stay and have to relinquish some of your rules, and if your wife is so interested in threesome's maybe it's just time to call it what it is! Over.... 

I see others look at this differently than l, but with my interaction with PTSD, doesn't free one from interaction with others. You have some power over what you choose to do.

Tilted


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I will say this, people tend to be attracted to a certain type of personality, such as your wife. Now saying that, maybe her other X's and boyfriend's we're or are like you? And she felt that maybe you were different and when you took it upon yourself to do things, may trigger her response as such. 

And because of her enduring such, has indeed shown signs of her own type of trauma. And her response to you seem abnormal so you both are suffering but you just can't see it because it affecting you directly. But l am saying it affecting her as well.

Tilted


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

If you really feel like you have had enough of your wife, its more than ok for you to end the marriage. I think she is the reason for your issues, honestly, and to tell you not to take meds for it?? Im sorry but that sounds like a form of abuse to me. The logic given for not taking them is not valid, Im sorry. I encourage you to get out.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Your wife making YOU a bad guy for asking her to have boundaries with other men. She CLEARLY shows issues. She cheated on her ex-husband, and wants to have active relationships with guys SHE has had sex with -- VERY inappropriate for a marriage in my opinion. She twists THAT back around that it is YOU being controlling -- absolutely not. YOU are trying to protect your marriage esp. knowing that she has cheated in the past. Are you sure that she is NOT cheating now during YOUR marriage?

Her actions are certainly exacerbating your depressions/PTSD -- they are NOT the actions of someone who is concerned about your mental health.


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