# How can I convince her to work it out



## Brokenhearted36 (May 23, 2019)

about 12 hours ago*· #1

Wife of 10 years walked out and has not been the women I married

My wife left 40 days ago now she had a no contact order placed on me for trying to get her back home she wont talk to me she said that she doesn't love me anymore she is not coming back I have not talked to her for 28 days and she is still cold to me and anyone that talks to her she tells things to the boys that a mother shouldn't she has said she has to think of her self the kids will be ok she is lying and doing bad things to make matters worst. She sits in her mother's house and does nothing when the boys go with her they say she is mean and sad pays no attention to them. The women I married on the other hand was crazy about me same as I her we fit together so great true love she always told me I was a blessing from God to her she could NEVER live with out me loved her kids happy out going and full of love would do anything for anyone I was so proud of her and what she had over come and accompanied we could finish each other sentences and thought about the same thing at the same time I dont know what to do to get my wife back I love her so much and the boys are hurting really bad and I have a army of negative feelings emotions and people tearing us farther apart please help this is all I have left


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I am sorry you find yourself here. okay let go back in time...what happen or has been happen over the past 12 months prior to her leaving, and don't tell me nothing because there is a reason she left...so you really need to pull out incidents, issues in the marriage or parenting or relationship between you two to understand what was going through her mind before she left.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Talk to a lawyer. Make sure you don't lose access to your children.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

The person who needs the other person the least holds all the power.

You will never "win her over" from your current position.

You have to understand the more you display to her that you need her ..... the worse your position.

You can never with words "make" her interested in you.

The best thing you can do is pick yourself up off the floor and carry forward like she doesn't exist except for the part where she gets your divorce papers.


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## Brokenhearted36 (May 23, 2019)

I admit I was selfish and didn't do what she wanted but she never would come to me with it I would make an effort and ask her what she wanted and she would say what you want or that's fine Everything was great till Aug last year she wanted to leave but we talked and decided to get help counciling a couple of weeks after she became her self again and more loving affectionate and we were not fighting at all she was getting back on track the day before my birthday in the morning she was great that afternoon I was helping my mother my dad passed away 3 weeks prior my son was not listening so I told him he was grounded he went home and told my wife when I got there she had made up her mind and was packing ever since then it's got bad fast no contact order cuz I tried so hard to get her home and she is making up stuff for custody now today I got the paperwork stating I need mental help and I punched her and my boy in the head she suffers from severe depression and she also got talked in going to renewal house and now has brought our boys there she she stated I put spyware on her cell phone I am not mad at all my love is strong for her and still want to work out our marriage


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## Brokenhearted36 (May 23, 2019)

I have her on a video recorder telling our 6 year old she is going to slap him in the face and make him cry with profanity used


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You punched her and your son in the head ??


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## Brokenhearted36 (May 23, 2019)

No I never did any of that she is trying to paint a picture so I can't see my boys because they don't want to be with her


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

OMG these are the longest run-on sentences I have ever tried to read! 

I cant tell what all in the world is going on, but from what I can make out, you arent really saying WHAT has happened, other than you were selfish and didnt do what she wants. What does that mean? STOP begging her to come home and work it out. It sounds like you are harassing her. Begging doesnt work anyway, it only makes you look pathetic and weak. 

Please, slow down and clarify WHAT has actually happened, give some history. When did things change? What caused the changes? Has anyone cheated? Does anyone have substance abuse issues? How do you handle confict? etc etc.....


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## Brokenhearted36 (May 23, 2019)

No one cheated we were a really good couple she has suffered from mental issues since she was little severe depression I don't know the answer why


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Brokenhearted36 said:


> No one cheated we were a really good couple she has suffered from mental issues since she was little severe depression I don't know the answer why


Do yourself a big favor...stop begging and read "The Rational Male" ....become what she can't live without.


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## Brokenhearted36 (May 23, 2019)

Ok thank you


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## Brokenhearted36 (May 23, 2019)

I have not had any contact with her for 28 days I have been praying for her to come home and work on our marriage and been waiting been finishing our house and doing everything she wanted to do around the house I spent almost 600 flower boxes and flowers for our front porch and planted all the flowers she ordered weeks earlier before she left for mother's day even though she was not here to see it


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Brokenhearted36 said:


> I have not had any contact with her for 28 days I have been praying for her to come home and work on our marriage and been waiting been finishing our house and doing everything she wanted to do around the house I spent almost 600 flower boxes and flowers for our front porch and planted all the flowers she ordered weeks earlier before she left for mother's day even though she was not here to see it


Dude, you TOTALLY need to change the way you approach this situation. You are setting yourself up for only more failure.

Everyone in a thousand miles can smell your desperation. This is not the position you can operate from. It will not attract anyone .... but will make them VOMIT.

Pick yourself up off the floor. Yes it's tough, yes it is hard. Doing the hard things is the only way.

You need to DETACH.


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

She’s most likely acting like this because she is cheating or has cheated or whatever. This is how she’s dealing with it.


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## kenyaone (Jan 26, 2017)

She seems to have thrown in the towel in the marriage owing to the situation she perceives can't change, begging her to return while there is no assurance that things will change for the better, can't resolve anything. Be the change she is yawning for and she might consider coming back to you.

Sent from my Lenovo X2-AP using Tapatalk


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## Lucky18 (May 13, 2019)

Such a common situation with many important variables obviously..I’ve had several nasty relationships but I will say follow your heart and you shouldn’t have to convince someone to love you, just be a good father for the kiddos and lead a good example. It’s gonna be tough for them also


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

My wife told me she didnt love me anymore 17 years ago. I begged and coerced her into staying. It has been a brutal lonely long 17 years. My advice let her go and take care of yourself and your kids.


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## David Wimberley (Jun 3, 2019)

Thound said:


> My wife told me she didnt love me anymore 17 years ago. I begged and coerced her into staying. It has been a brutal lonely long 17 years. My advice let her go and take care of yourself and your kids.


Thound is right! 

If you can trust those of us who have passed through the crucible, hear this: life is SO much bigger and more enjoyable and profound than any relationship, especially a bad one. And this is from a man who didn't want a divorce, who fetishized marriage, who yup begged her to stay. She left anyway of course. And the skills I learned later in seeing reality and loving it ... well ... it's a sensation and a state of mind like being in love used to be. I can enjoy it alone or with someone. It doesn't go away and it will see you through any challenge in life, deaths, job loss, foreclosure, and even success, new challenges, everything. 

Ha I know that sounds dramatic but it sounds no more dramatic than the adolescent stories they tell us in movies even now about love and relationships. And plus, this one is true as it's based solidly in reality. Reality and its acceptance is hugely empowering and relieving.


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## Brokenhearted36 (May 23, 2019)

Thank you everyone she has started texting me out of the blue about the kids and then throws in texts like ( I can't trust anything at this point) and has been driving by our house with the boys and this Saturday by herself. I took the boys fishing she had too that night when she got them she is so confusing I have been out enjoying myself too is she starting to realize that she made a mistake


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The worst thing you can do right now is chase. They just move farther away when you do that.

I suspect you'll not listen but that's where you are.

You'd be wise to not do the needy, clingy and continue to go your own way.

She's a want but you don't need her


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Thound said:


> My wife told me she didnt love me anymore 17 years ago. I begged and coerced her into staying. It has been a brutal lonely long 17 years. My advice let her go and take care of yourself and your kids.


Read it again man. He's been there and done that.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

Sorry but the first order of business is to find out who she has been screwing and I'm not talking about you.

Your English and sentences are so poor either you are completely overcome with grief (understandable) or I am wondering if you are human at all and not some AI device or something along those lines. 

Your wife's erratic behavior is commonplace for someone having an affair, conflicted and being driven by emotion. read up here on in the CWI section and I bet you will see similarities to your situation.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Continue enjoying your life without her...I still smell a rat though.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Brokenhearted36 said:


> Thank you everyone she has started texting me out of the blue about the kids and then throws in texts like ( I can't trust anything at this point) and has been driving by our house with the boys and this Saturday by herself. I took the boys fishing she had too that night when she got them she is so confusing I have been out enjoying myself too is she starting to realize that she made a mistake


So she is violating the no contact order? The one you wrote she initiated?


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Brokenhearted36 said:


> about 12 hours ago*· #1
> 
> Wife of 10 years walked out and has not been the women I married
> 
> My wife left 40 days ago now she had a no contact order placed on me for trying to get her back home she wont talk to me she said that she doesn't love me anymore she is not coming back I have not talked to her for 28 days and she is still cold to me and anyone that talks to her she tells things to the boys that a mother shouldn't she has said she has to think of her self the kids will be ok she is lying and doing bad things to make matters worst. She sits in her mother's house and does nothing when the boys go with her they say she is mean and sad pays no attention to them. The women I married on the other hand was crazy about me same as I her we fit together so great true love she always told me I was a blessing from God to her she could NEVER live with out me loved her kids happy out going and full of love would do anything for anyone I was so proud of her and what she had over come and accompanied we could finish each other sentences and thought about the same thing at the same time I dont know what to do to get my wife back I love her so much and the boys are hurting really bad and I have a army of negative feelings emotions and people tearing us farther apart please help this is all I have left


If what you're saying is the whole story, and you're not leaving out details like you cheated, you drink to much, you neglect her, you're a narcissist, etc. it sounds like either she's having an affair OR there may be some mental illness going on like depression or bi-polar. I know a woman who is bi-polar and before she knew what was wrong she said her entire personality changed. She didn't want her family. Didn't even want her kids. Now she's on medication and doing fantastic and can't believe how she felt during that dark time.

Question: She has said "she has to think of her self the kids will be ok." What _reason_ did she give for leaving and not being happy? She must have said *something*. What were her complaints about you? 

If she's having some kind of mental/emotional break down it's possible she didn't say anything *but think hard *-- men frequently say "I have no idea she just snapped she didn't say" but then when you keep digging you find out she said all kinds of things but the guy didn't take any of it seriously or didn't understand her point of view so just ignored it.

Also, is she going through menopause?


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## Hexagon (Jun 20, 2017)

None of this is logical from what you've stated. I've walked into a movie 2/3 of the way in. You're leaving out details.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Brokenhearted36 said:


> Thank you everyone she has started texting me out of the blue about the kids and then throws in texts like ( I can't trust anything at this point) and has been driving by our house with the boys and this Saturday by herself. I took the boys fishing she had too that night when she got them she is so confusing I have been out enjoying myself too *is she starting to realize that she made a mistake*


No, she is making sure her backup plan... which is YOU... is still firmly in place where he is supposed to be. Dont fall for this crap.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

​


Mr.Married said:


> You punched her and your son in the head ??


That's not what he said.

OP. You can't win her back so lawyer up for the battle for your son.


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## Brokenhearted36 (May 23, 2019)

I have told everything I have figured out we both didn't take time for each other but why so angry


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## Brokenhearted36 (May 23, 2019)

I was told by friends that she is acting weird and is in a deep depression and he lawyer has said she feels guilty for leaving and she has been so indecisive


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I wonder how anyone can read or understand what you've written. Punctuation and capitalization makes it possible to read and understand what someone is trying to communicate. 

Also, a block of text with no paragraphs is difficult to follow.

I tried to read what you've written, but it's too much work. People who are offering help shouldn't have to work hard to be able understand what your need is. Be considerate; use punctuation, capitalization, and paragraphs.


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## Brokenhearted36 (May 23, 2019)

Sorry I never been good at that stuff I was not good in English class. I am just as confused as everyone else is . My kids are what I am fighting for. They beg me not to go because my wife just sits around or in a room all and they say.and wants nothing to do with them


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I think you should give her her space. Start working on yourself and being a better man. It appears you dropped the ball on some things but she also has issues with depression. Be the best father you can be for your children. I would suggest you tell your wife to get a therapist for her issues, go no contact, no begging, etc, do the 180, just ensure you have access to your boys. Go and see a lawyer to ensure you do and have all the necessary arrangements in place so that you can be there for them.
Ask the lawyer about their safety etc. If necessary get a court order for the custody of the boys till she gets herself sorted out. You need to step up and be the leader of your home now for your children especially. If possible get her family on your side, suggest she take time out or check into a 'rest' home.


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