# When did you get back to dating?



## ChiGirl (Jan 20, 2013)

Ladies,

I am wondering when you got back to dating someone after a divorce or separation?

My H (separated) has told me he wants to start dating (actually sounds like he is ), he is telling women he is divorced.

I have been asked out, but I'm not sure if I should say yes or no.. and if I should be honest with my H about this?
We are not getting back together, I just need to be more stable for us to get divorced.

I just don't want a fight, he was already accusing me of cheating while I was moving out (cause I went out for an hour)


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## Armywife2010 (Jan 22, 2013)

I have never been divorced or gone through a seperation....
Having said that I would think that it would probably be wise not to open one door until the first is closed.

Dating in the middle of a seperation and/or impending divorce sounds like it could cause more strain, pain, and confusion then actually bring comfort or joy to you.

I can't imagine how upsetting or lonely being in your situation might be but to be honest I wouldn't get involved with anyone in your situation just for the fact that you might resolve things with your spouse or you might not be emotionally ready to commit to me.

You should wait until you are finally out of your marriage (if that is what you want) and make sure that you are emotionally ready to be with someone new. Its only fair to any potential date to be unattached and fully open to new possibilities with them.

I may be way off base...and as I stated I have NO personal experience in the situation you are in...just trying to help.

Hope everything works out for you.


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## weesnaw567 (Jan 25, 2013)

About a few weeks, 2,3 give or take, i started dating...... still haven't found the right guy yet, but i soon will......


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## January (Jan 5, 2013)

I've been divorced almost two years now. I started trying to date right away. Not that it was the right answer but that because I did not want to be alone. I dated a few guys but nothing ever worked out. Then I would only end up feeling more frustrated. 

Today, I do have a live in a boyfriend. He was someone I was friends with first and just one day that spark happened.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I have been separated 8 months and am JUST NOW looking into dating again, but it depends on you! 

Are you the kind of person who believes you're married until the divorce is officially FINAL...signed, sealed, delivered? Do you believe that God (or your own conscience) will consider you an adultress if you don't wait for the final decree? IF SO, then you should wait!

Are you the kind of person who feels an equal commitment to a fiance as to a husband...you don't need the actual PAPER to feel married? Conversely, are you the kind of person who believes that once the marriage IS OVER, it's over. You don't need to wait around for an actual piece of paper to feel like it's over? IF SO, then move on when YOU'RE ready.

You don't HAVE to tell your STBXH *ANYTHING* about your life; he's no longer entitled to know. Tell him if you want, or simply tell him that you're not discussing YOUR private life with him...and you're no longer interested in his, either. No need to be snide, or rude...just CLEAR.

Liars (already divorced!) like your STBXH SUCK! I'll re-phrase that, ALL LIARS SUCK!


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

You're getting divorced, you're not getting back together, and you're moving out or you already moved out.

So why the heck are you having these sorts of conversations with him?



ChiGirl said:


> My H (separated) has told me he wants to start dating .. and if I should be honest with my H about this?


He's telling you he wants to start dating and you want to know if you "should be honest with him" about your own dating.

Not sure why you need an internet stranger to tell you this but what he does and what you do is none of one another's business!



ChiGirl said:


> I just don't want a fight, he was already accusing me of cheating while I was moving out (cause I went out for an hour)


You sure you don't want to fight? I'm wondering if you still want contact with him and ANY attention is better than none. Otherwise why would you sit there and listen to his accusations about you cheating when you're already moving out and presumably starting your own life?

Keep your communications with him short, to the point, and about _business only._ If he strays off topic, the immediately end the conversation, or text exchange or whatever.

Yes, it's really that easy- it will help you disconnect from him further and faster and better prepare you for meeting someone else. 

I bet you're shaking your head wondering why you didn't think of this yourself.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

You don't need to tell your STBXH anything. You should date when YOU are ready to date and only you and you alone will know when you are at this point. 

IMO, you should be at least living separately and if not already divorced, on your way to actually doing it. 

I wouldn't date someone if I was still living with my husband. I wouldn't date anyone who is living with their wife. I don't care how bad they say their marriage is, if they are still living together as husband and wife then they are committing adultery and I want no part of that. They would need to be living separately and on their way toward divorce. 

Plus, even though I was separated and living apart from my husband for over two years I wasn't READY to date until very recently. It's not just about being physically separated but emotionally separated as well. 

I couldn't date someone while still emotionally involved with my husband. It wouldn't be fair to either myself or the person I was dating.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I had a few flings after my divorce (aged 31) then decided to give it up as a bad job. I realized that I needed to concentrate on being a mother and supporting us both, and found the dating scene way too disruptive. I didn't start dating again until I was in my 50s! Having said that, I wouldn't advise anyone to do what I did, because when my son eventually flew the nest I really felt it. We all need companionship and deserve to have a SO in our lives.


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## Serenity_Prayer (Oct 31, 2012)

I'm separated and going through divorce. I've decided to wait until at least the divorce is final. I want to "keep it honest" until the end. I also want to wait until the drama has died down. STBX moved out a month ago, but we have kids and the shared parenting time hasn't become regular yet, plus there's the financial upheaval, both things that would keep my attention away from a new man. I've thought I'd like to date, but when I really think about it, getting into a serious relationship with another man just seems so strange. Yes, it is lonely as hell and I can understand why some people don't wait, but I personally think it'll be better in the long run.

I agree with the other posters, when you decide to date is your business only. I keep talks with STBX related to divorce proceedings and child issues only. If he asks pointed questions, I brush them off with vague answers. I very quickly felt the freedom of not answering to anyone.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Everyone likes to have company and or romance
but
you don't have to date just because your husband is.

You can be alone for a while even if he is dating his socks off.

It isn't a competition.

Being alone for a while is a good thing. Helps you reflect and discover things about yourself you can't do while seeking dates.

YK?

So. I vote for not dating until you are legally divorced in order to get your life on a stronger path into the future.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Not true about adultery if someone is living with husband/wife.

We are separated but still living together for cost reasons. Although we haven't had sex since we decided to separate and even though we get along better now, we both know we're done.

I want to date soon. Simple as that.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Not true about adultery if someone is living with husband/wife.


Yes true about adultery.

Simple as that.


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## ChiGirl (Jan 20, 2013)

Thank you ladies!

It's not a competition, and yes.. I 100% agree that STBX is an ass for telling girls he is divorced. I told him so 

I guess I thought that I would like to have a drink with someone or go out and dance.. not anything physical. I have not slept in same bed as STBX for 2 years.. so I don't even know where to begin regarding the physical aspects of a relationship.
(This is very sad considering I'm 33)

I would like to get my hair done, put on a pretty dress and have a good time for one night I guess!


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Not true about adultery if someone is living with husband/wife.
> 
> We are separated but still living together for cost reasons. Although we haven't had sex since we decided to separate and even though we get along better now, we both know we're done.
> 
> I want to date soon. Simple as that.


That girl: when did you decide to separate? What happened??


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

chattycathy said:


> Yes true about adultery.
> 
> Simple as that.


No, it's not. Maybe it's YOUR truth, but it's not everyone's.


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## Luonnotar (Aug 2, 2012)

Wow.
Dating. Don't even know how.
Was married 20 years. Dated him (and only him) for 8 years before that. 
Not sure when I'll start. Not sure how to start.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Serenity_Prayer said:


> I've thought I'd like to date, but when I really think about it, getting into a serious relationship with another man just seems so strange. Yes, it is lonely as hell and I can understand why some people don't wait, but I personally think it'll be better in the long run..


I'm not lonely myself but I agree the whole dating thing just doesn't appeal to me because of the hassles. I like the idea of getting dressed up and going out and having fun with someone but not if it messes my life up. If it happens, it happens but I'm not putting any effort into making it happen. Plus, I don't know where I'll be or want to go in the future and I don't want my plans or actions dictated to by having a relationship with someone else.


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## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

6 weeks of separation.
still can't think about another guy, except those with wagging tails and fur, those who like to hog the cover or chasing cats.
i can't think of loving any male **** sapiens anymore. not that im into bestiality, but i find that dog is the best option if i want a loyal, caring, loving, and honest companion.
plus they make a very good cuddle buddy too


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

stopandmakecoffee said:


> 6 weeks of separation.
> still can't think about another guy, except those with wagging tails and fur, those who like to hog the cover or chasing cats.
> i can't think of loving any male **** sapiens anymore.


6 weeks is just the beginning. It will get better.


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