# Question about porn



## NickyT

Married 30 years. We have a good working relationship. We are nice to one another. We were separated year 20-22, so we have been back together for 8 years. 

My husband never asks for sex. If I do, he agrees. He has been this way as long as I remember. He said when we were separated he had a problem with porn, and I know he gave it up for a while. At that time we had more sex. He is not a very good lover - he is lazy, honestly. He does not do oral, and if I do not orgasm during PIV, he will lay with me while I masturbate, but he makes no move to help. When I ask him to or show him what I want, he just says he does not know what he is doing. Lazy.

So, over the last 18 months I have caught him masturbating in bed next to me several times. I have just let him finish and not said anything. I know he is looking at porn. The other night we fell asleep in front of the tv. I woke up to find him masturbating to porn. I got up and went to bed. He came in and wanted to have sex. I said no. He has plenty of opportunity to have sex with me and never does. Long ago I gave up on him satisfying me (I have asked, showed, suggested..forget about it...he won't even wear a pair of red silk underwear I got him one year for valentine's day) He has never bought me lingerie, but the bought it for his mistress when he was cheating. 

I finally just blurted out and asked him if he was not attracted to me. I told him it was ok, because we really have a good relationship on the whole. I just want to know what the situation is. He said he loves me, he loves my body, I am cute, etc, etc.

I am beginning to realize that the porn is much more often than I had thought. I am not adverse to porn. We used to watch it together (but that was before we separated, and looking back he was very into porn at the time). He will not watch it with me now - I have asked.

I am hurt and insulted. It's like he has his entire sex life and it has nothing to do with me. I long ago gave up on initiating because he never does (and yes, I have talked to him about this and all these issues). 

Any suggestions? I have been ready to leave him over this issue, though I have not told him that. Thanks.

Edit: would you leave over this? If I do, I will not date or remarry. I am not interested in other men.


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## minimalME

Yup - I understand.

My ex-husband chose silence, pornography, and masterbation over creating a healthy sexual relationship with me.

I'm very sorry for what you're going through.


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## Diana7

He is being very unloving and disrespectful. Porn can make men very lazy about having a proper sex life with a real life woman. IN your position I would say, you stop the porn totally and start making an effort to have a good sex life with me or I leave. I would never put up with what you do.


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## Livvie

minimalME said:


> Yup - I understand.
> 
> My ex-husband chose silence, pornography, and masterbation over creating a healthy sexual relationship with me.
> 
> I'm very sorry for what you're going through.


Ditto here.


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## peacem

If this was a momentary problem I would suggest work things through..sort things out..get to the heart of the problem. This sounds to have been going on for a long time and you seem to be communicating with him. Porn is a problem when there is a healthy, sexually open person involved (you) and but the porn takes priority. 

What do you want to do? Are you done with crap sex? (Been there done that)


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## NickyT

@Livvie, @Diana7, @minimalME - would you leave over this issue? I have no interest in other men. I have not been with another man for 30 years and have no desire for any other man I see. I think my husband is a cutie. He dated when we were separated (actually, before...) but I did not. I like the idea of an ultimatum.


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## minimalME

NickyT said:


> @Livvie, @Diana7, @minimalME - would you leave over this issue? I have no interest in other men. I have not been with another man for 30 years and have no desire for any other man I see. I think my husband is a cutie. He dated when we were separated (actually, before...) but I did not. I like the idea of an ultimatum.


I don't like threats, and divorce is really painful. 

From what you've written, it sounds like an addiction. Do you think he's willing to work on this? Does he deny it? Can you talk openly about it?

I have a friend who's husband was addicted to pain killers. She's one of the strongest women I know. She created boundaries to protect herself - separating finances, then finally moving in with her parents. He DID change, and their marriage has been getting stronger for quite some time now.

I think it really depends on the individuals involved.


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## Diana7

NickyT said:


> @Livvie, @Diana7, @minimalME - would you leave over this issue? I have no interest in other men. I have not been with another man for 30 years and have no desire for any other man I see. I think my husband is a cutie. He dated when we were separated (actually, before...) but I did not. I like the idea of an ultimatum.


I know a lady whose husband had been using porn for many years. She eventually got so fed up with it, she gave him an ultimatum, the porn or me. Guess what, he stopped. He knew she meant it. Once he knew he would loose his marriage he stopped. That's what I would do. Otherwise where are the consequences? Then the ball is in his court isn't it. 
If he refuses you may need to separate and tell him that if he changes his mind he knows where you are. 
I would not live with a man who did this.


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## uhtred

I have no objection to porn in general, but I think it becomes a problem if it is interfering with a couple's sex life or if it is in any way replacing a partner for sex. In your case those things seem to be happening, so I think it is a problem. 

It sounds like he is not only ignoring you for porn, but when he does have sex, he is a lazy, selfish lover. That is absolutely not OK.

I'm well aware that a 30 year marriage is not something to be thrown away lightly, but this is a really big problem and you shouldn't have to live like this. Have you tried counseling to see if a 3rd party can get him to understand just how serious this is?


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## Livvie

NickyT said:


> @Livvie, @Diana7, @minimalME - would you leave over this issue? I have no interest in other men. I have not been with another man for 30 years and have no desire for any other man I see. I think my husband is a cutie. He dated when we were separated (actually, before...) but I did not. I like the idea of an ultimatum.


If the relationship is otherwise good, maybe it can be solved, but you absolutely have to talk about it.

Maybe counseling/ sex therapy would work? Would he be open to solving the issue?


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## oldshirt

since you've been married 30 years, I am assuming he is in his 50s. And since he was never a ball of fire in bed, the fact he is draining the tank to porn means there is nothing really left for you. 

Porn is basically his new mistress. 

He brings home a paycheck, changes the oil in your car, tells you you are cute and then in the mean time he makes love to glowing, electronic screen..... ie his mistress. 

Just as with a flesh and blood mistress, you have the right to say, "her or me."

and with a flesh and blood mistress, words mean very little and actions mean everything. If he continues to spend his sexual energies on her instead of you, then you have your answer regardless of what he says out of his mouth. 

What would you do if he were spending all his sexual energies on a flesh and blood mistress?? 

Do you really see any difference here with the electronic mistress?


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## Faithful Wife

Given what you described, I would leave, yes. 

But since you are not interested in other men, could you stay and just put an end to any partnered sex with him? Maybe even separate bedrooms? I'm only suggesting this because divorce is expensive, and if you don't have the goal of finding a better relationship, maybe you can work out the logistics of a platonic marriage with him.


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## Openminded

Why did you return to him after a long separation?


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## CatholicDad

Sounds like a real gentleman. You should have kicked him out the first time you caught him. Being "cool" with porn only allowed it to grow into an addiction. Most men hide their porn, and a few abstain completely out of love for their wives, God, or children (yeah, porn hurts kids too).


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## Maxwedge 413

Diana7 said:


> She eventually got so fed up with it, she gave him an ultimatum, the porn or me. Guess what, he stopped.


And he resented her for the rest of his life.


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## toblerone

Let this be a lesson to all the ladies out there: the dude is always using more porn than you think!

This is tricky because, being a guy, I have a different perspective- but also my perspective may be derived from different circumstances than your husband.

Obviously I don't know how your whole relationship has been. As a guy in the situation I'm in, I'd ask for you figure out why he doesn't pursue sex with you. *I* couldn't understand why he would do this unless he felt you weren't an option in the first place.

Maybe you've made it clear to him that he's a lazy lover, and instead of stepping up his game, he turned to porn? Maybe you've turned him down too many times so he doesn't think you're even available?

Who knows?

If there's still attraction there, you're willing, and he's not willing to cut the porn so he can focus on you: I say leave.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about it, definitely. But basically, if his porn use is cutting into sexy time with a partner who is regularly willing, it has to go.


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## username77

I always think what came first the chicken or the egg in regards to porn? Some men just get lost in the fantasy world of porn and neglect their wife, but some men get neglected by their wives for a long time, and then resort to porn and beating it.

If you give your husband half-ass duty sex nothing will chase him to porn and masturbation quicker. Most men would prefer porno and masturbation over an unenthusiastic partner giving them pity sex.

If you want to get your husband off porn, find out what gets his gears going. Delve deep into his fantasies and do a little role play. Be enthusiastic and authentic and he'll come around. But expecting him to not look at porn or masturbate because he already got his bi-weekly handjob coupled with 7 minutes of missionary sex is unrealistic.


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## toblerone

username77 said:


> I always think what came first the chicken or the egg in regards to porn? Some men just get lost in the fantasy world of porn and neglect their wife, but some men get neglected by their wives for a long time, and then resort to porn and beating it.
> 
> If you give you husband half-ass duty sex nothing will chase him to porn and masturbation quicker. Most men would prefer porno and masturbation over an unenthusiastic partner giving them pity sex.


Good points all around.


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## CatholicDad

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Diana7 said:
> 
> 
> 
> She eventually got so fed up with it, she gave him an ultimatum, the porn or me. Guess what, he stopped.
> 
> 
> 
> And he resented her for the rest of his life.
Click to expand...

Or thanked her for the rest of his life for staying with him until cured (from the porn addiction).


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## Maxwedge 413

Men play with themselves from 3 years old until the day they die. Porn is so prolific now because everyone has computers and cell phones. So there's a market. Before that they looked at VHS tapes, and magazines, and paintings, and fertility goddess statues, and their own imagination, or watched the livestock breeding.

I am not saying there isn't a problem in your relationship. I'm just saying masturbation isn't evil and if you try to cut him off cold turkey he'll resent you for trying to control him and deny him pleasure. I'm hearing that he will have sex with you, but just doesn't initiate it. And you resent that because you want him, so why doesn't he want you the same way?

I like vanilla ice cream just fine. But since I've been eating it for 45 years I don't feel the need to chase the Ice Cream truck down the street anymore like I did as a kid. 

A few years ago I got into a slump where I hit on my wife less and less. I actually thought I might have low T, but a blood test showed otherwise. I just wasn't chasing her around the house like in earlier years. But I would get rock hard whenever she hit on me. If she gave me the look, or ran her hand down my thigh, it was on and we had good sex. I really liked when she initiated things, still do. And it's not because I'm lazy, or a selfish lover. But for some reason my drive was just decreasing. We didn't have relations for about 6 months because she was (angrily) waiting for me to make a move. Then she joined TAM and got all kinds of great advise, like "Leave him - he's cheating on you". She started having me take all kinds of love tests and read relationship books, and none of it increased my sex drive.

Eventually things evened out. I'll hit on her, or she'll hit on me, and I don't think either one of us is alone at the wheel of our sex life. We just have limited time, with both of our careers and involvement in local politics taking A LOT of our time. And a child in the house. So it's either wait for him to go to sleep, at which point Wife is also dead tired, or maybe on a Sat or Sun morning before we start our day.

Sorry for all the rambling. I've been on and off this reply for a few hours when I have time. Your husband masturbates because it requires less physical energy than intercourse with you. And he can do it when ever the mood strikes him, not having to wait for a good time in your daily routine. And the girls in the pictures have bigger breasts than you. And smaller breasts than you. and different hair than you. Some are black, or Korean. But they are new and exciting, which is, well, new and exciting. Without the trouble of cheating on you and losing your partnership. It's just a cheap thrill.

Whenever you want sex with your husband just tell him. Men like that.


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## uhtred

From the OPs post it sounds like she is open to engaging in a good sex life. There are cases where men have turned to porn after being constantly rejected by their partners, but this doesn't sound like one of those. 




username77 said:


> I always think what came first the chicken or the egg in regards to porn? Some men just get lost in the fantasy world of porn and neglect their wife, but some men get neglected by their wives for a long time, and then resort to porn and beating it.
> 
> If you give your husband half-ass duty sex nothing will chase him to porn and masturbation quicker. Most men would prefer porno and masturbation over an unenthusiastic partner giving them pity sex.
> 
> If you want to get your husband off porn, find out what gets his gears going. Delve deep into his fantasies and do a little role play. Be enthusiastic and authentic and he'll come around. But expecting him to not look at porn or masturbate because he already got his bi-weekly handjob coupled with 7 minutes of missionary sex is unrealistic.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Guys who choose porn when a willing, enthusiastic partner is readily available are beyond my comprehension. I could never imagine recommending staying with such a person. 

The question is just how much effort should be expended before making the decision to move on.


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## NickyT

username77 said:


> I always think what came first the chicken or the egg in regards to porn? Some men just get lost in the fantasy world of porn and neglect their wife, but some men get neglected by their wives for a long time, and then resort to porn and beating it.
> 
> If you give your husband half-ass duty sex nothing will chase him to porn and masturbation quicker. Most men would prefer porno and masturbation over an unenthusiastic partner giving them pity sex.
> 
> If you want to get your husband off porn, find out what gets his gears going. Delve deep into his fantasies and do a little role play. Be enthusiastic and authentic and he'll come around. But expecting him to not look at porn or masturbate because he already got his bi-weekly handjob coupled with 7 minutes of missionary sex is unrealistic.



Not sure if you didn't read my posting or I did not make it clear. My husband has never once asked me to do anything other than missionary. I am the one that introduced new positions, tried to introduce fantasy, etc. I have asked him about his fantasies. He won't talk about them. There is no pity sex in our marriage. HE NEVER ASKS FOR SEX. I have initiated all but maybe 2 times in the last 8 years. I have asked for manual stimulation, dirty talk, roll play, him to wear something, him to buy me something, him to tell me what he wants....he will do NONE of it. He wants what he wants. Fast missionary with what (I guess) he defines as foreplay - manual stimulation by me so he gets an erection, him removing my clothes (not all of them, just the necessary ones), literally 5 seconds of obligatory manual stimulation of me and then he is ready for missionary. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. I am fit and slim. I am smart. Not beautiful, but I am ok. I keep myself nice, wear nice clothes, etc.


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## KrisAmiss

NickyT said:


> Not sure if you didn't read my posting or I did not make it clear. My husband has never once asked me to do anything other than missionary. I am the one that introduced new positions, tried to introduce fantasy, etc. I have asked him about his fantasies. He won't talk about them. There is no pity sex in our marriage. HE NEVER ASKS FOR SEX. I have initiated all but maybe 2 times in the last 8 years. I have asked for manual stimulation, dirty talk, roll play, him to wear something, him to buy me something, him to tell me what he wants....he will do NONE of it. He wants what he wants. Fast missionary with what (I guess) he defines as foreplay - manual stimulation by me so he gets an erection, him removing my clothes (not all of them, just the necessary ones), literally 5 seconds of obligatory manual stimulation of me and then he is ready for missionary. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. I am fit and slim. I am smart. Not beautiful, but I am ok. I keep myself nice, wear nice clothes, etc.


Of course it's not your fault. Your husband lazily prefers porn to you. I didn't realize how porn could be the other woman for about 20 years. How I missed out. 

I think you are beautiful. I think you are neglected. I think your "man" is an ******* and you need to wonder if you are willing to die this way. I finally decided, no. And I am now enjoying a most beautiful relationship with an interested male. Good stuff.


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## cma62

NickyT said:


> I have initiated all but maybe 2 times in the last 8 years. I have asked for manual stimulation, dirty talk, roll play, him to wear something, him to buy me something, him to tell me what he wants....he will do NONE of it. He wants what he wants. .


He sounds very selfish.
Do you think he feels resentment over your separation...did you initiate it or did he.

I know exactly how you feel...very undesired and unloved.
The “good relationship” you have outside of the bedroom sounds more like roommates.

Porn is driving a wedge between your already fragile sex life.

He’d rather get off to porn than make the effort to make you feel loved and desired....even to be the one to always initiate would make me feel like there was something wrong with me and he didn’t care.

Answer to your question....Yes I would leave over this since no amount of you trying to get him to see your views on this has made a difference and has fallen on deaf ears.
Also...to me ...his lack of not wanting sex and not initiating is about something other than just him being lazy and porn use.....it’s just manifesting in the bedroom.


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## CuddleBug

NickyT said:


> Married 30 years. We have a good working relationship. We are nice to one another. We were separated year 20-22, so we have been back together for 8 years.
> 
> My husband never asks for sex. If I do, he agrees. He has been this way as long as I remember. He said when we were separated he had a problem with porn, and I know he gave it up for a while. At that time we had more sex. He is not a very good lover - he is lazy, honestly. He does not do oral, and if I do not orgasm during PIV, he will lay with me while I masturbate, but he makes no move to help. When I ask him to or show him what I want, he just says he does not know what he is doing. Lazy.
> 
> So, over the last 18 months I have caught him masturbating in bed next to me several times. I have just let him finish and not said anything. I know he is looking at porn. The other night we fell asleep in front of the tv. I woke up to find him masturbating to porn. I got up and went to bed. He came in and wanted to have sex. I said no. He has plenty of opportunity to have sex with me and never does. Long ago I gave up on him satisfying me (I have asked, showed, suggested..forget about it...he won't even wear a pair of red silk underwear I got him one year for valentine's day) He has never bought me lingerie, but the bought it for his mistress when he was cheating.
> 
> I finally just blurted out and asked him if he was not attracted to me. I told him it was ok, because we really have a good relationship on the whole. I just want to know what the situation is. He said he loves me, he loves my body, I am cute, etc, etc.
> 
> I am beginning to realize that the porn is much more often than I had thought. I am not adverse to porn. We used to watch it together (but that was before we separated, and looking back he was very into porn at the time). He will not watch it with me now - I have asked.
> 
> I am hurt and insulted. It's like he has his entire sex life and it has nothing to do with me. I long ago gave up on initiating because he never does (and yes, I have talked to him about this and all these issues).
> 
> Any suggestions? I have been ready to leave him over this issue, though I have not told him that. Thanks.
> 
> Edit: would you leave over this? If I do, I will not date or remarry. I am not interested in other men.




- I have never masturbated to porn in bed while Mrs.CuddleBug is sleeping. Complete lack of respect.


- Its true she needs to lose a lot of weight, about 90 lbs to 100 lbs now, biggest ever, and I don't initiate because of that, but still, never view porn and masturbate in bed beside her. Big no - no.


- If she was in good shape, fit, wearing sexy bed outfits, different story all together......I'd initiate all the time.:grin2:


- I would always chose a woman over porn, unless she's really overweight.


- To me, porn is very addictive. Us men are extremely visually stimulated by how the ladies look, move, sound, what they wear, etc. That's our weakness.


- If the hubby is really overweight and the wifee doesn't find him attractive, she might view porn and use her toys and vise versa.


- If both are in great shape, there shoudn't be an issue.


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## Diana7

Maxwedge 413 said:


> And he resented her for the rest of his life.


Actually heir marriage was much happier after that.


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## Diana7

username77 said:


> I always think what came first the chicken or the egg in regards to porn? Some men just get lost in the fantasy world of porn and neglect their wife, but some men get neglected by their wives for a long time, and then resort to porn and beating it.
> 
> If you give your husband half-ass duty sex nothing will chase him to porn and masturbation quicker. Most men would prefer porno and masturbation over an unenthusiastic partner giving them pity sex.
> 
> If you want to get your husband off porn, find out what gets his gears going. Delve deep into his fantasies and do a little role play. Be enthusiastic and authentic and he'll come around. But expecting him to not look at porn or masturbate because he already got his bi-weekly handjob coupled with 7 minutes of missionary sex is unrealistic.


Some men believe that porn is wrong and damaging no matter what their sex life. To say that men cant help look at porn if their sex life isnt what they would want is nonsense. Men have managed without porn as we know it today for countless centuries.


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## FalCod

I'd treat the situation like you would a drug addiction.


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## Maxwedge 413

Ask him if he would mind you dating other men, but only for the physicality.


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## username77

Diana7 said:


> Some men believe that porn is wrong and damaging no matter what their sex life. To say that men cant help look at porn if their sex life isnt what they would want is nonsense. Men have managed without porn as we know it today for countless centuries.


They played mind porn movies and visited prostitutes. There's a reason why it's called the worlds oldest profession.

If a man isn't getting sex, he will look at porn. If he's religious, he'll look at porn then beat himself up over it.


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## toblerone

Diana7 said:


> Men have managed without porn as we know it today for countless centuries.


Boys have cranked out one after another throughout their teens to such simple things as pictures in regular magazines or catalogs. They don't need 'porn' per se.

Men tend to move on to porn because they have more access to it.


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## Suspicious1

I'm certainly lack an addictive personality, i have always known this about myself but to think some men chose porn over their partners is definitely an eye opener for me.

My wife has LD, so I watch porn from time to time. I find it help and it can be an aid. I've watched porn the last few days, as its been over a month the wife and I had made any true attempt to go at it. Well I've have she acts like she is interested but goes to sleep. 
Before this i had not watch any porn since last spring/summer.
I think i would have been a whole lot frustrated without the visual aid. 

Also I do not have any specifics type of porn that i need to watch, If i do have to say one or category it would be amateur, or when it appears none scriptive.



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## She'sStillGotIt

NickyT said:


> He is not a very good lover - he is lazy, honestly. He does not do oral, and if I do not orgasm during PIV, he will lay with me while I masturbate, but he makes no move to help. When I ask him to or show him what I want, he just says he does not know what he is doing. Lazy.


May I assume you're into Necrophilia? He's only one thin step from being *dead*. Yuck. 



> So, over the last 18 months I have caught him masturbating in bed next to me several times. I have just let him finish and not said anything. I know he is looking at porn. The other night we fell asleep in front of the tv. I woke up to find him masturbating to porn.


He just becomes more and more unappealing and disgusting the more I read about him. I think you definitely had the right idea back in years 20-22. 



> He has never bought me lingerie, but the bought it for his mistress when he was cheating.


Game over.

Pig Boy actually found a woman with *no expectations whatsoever* and was willing to have sex with the dead? Where did he manage to find her, in a funeral home?

You ask if we would leave over this but quite honestly, I never would have married this ass-hole in the first place. Don't get me wrong - sex is not at the top of my priority list and never has been, so it's not like I wouldn't marry someone if they're less than experienced sexually. But there's a big difference between someone whose inexperienced but happy and willing to learn, and someone who doesn't give a RAT'S ASS about you or your needs or your feelings. He's a selfish pig and if that isn't enough to make you leave, he cheated on you on TOP of it.

For the life of me, I can't figure out *WHY* you're still with him. Honestly, I can't.


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## username77

toblerone said:


> Boys have cranked out one after another throughout their teens to such simple things as pictures in regular magazines or catalogs. They don't need 'porn' per se.


Porn was around when I was a kid, but they were magazines and tough to source. There was no Internet with every imaginable porn option at your disposal for free. I can't imagine I would ever leave my room if I were a teenager today.

I would beat it to sears catalogs with women in their big white Hanes underwear while locked in the bathroom.

I had a small poster of Vanna White in my closet (as absurd as that is), she was laying in hay, bare feet, jeans, and a checkered shirt unbuttoned a bit but showing really no skin, a touch of cleavage and I could beat it all day to that. To this DAY if I see a woman in bare feet and jeans I get a chubby.


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## She'sStillGotIt

NickyT said:


> @*Livvie*, @*Diana7*, @*minimalME* - would you leave over this issue? I have no interest in other men. I have not been with another man for 30 years and have no desire for any other man I see. I think my husband is a cutie. He dated when we were separated (actually, before...) but I did not. I like the idea of an ultimatum.


You are your OWN worst enemy. Just *look* where all that blind loyalty to this cheating 'prize' has gotten you - even when you were separated for* 2 years* and HE was out dating but you chose to sit at home, daydreaming about how wonderful he is. 

Just LOOK where all that blind devotion has gotten you.

Absolutely nowhere.

I'll say it again. I just don't get it.


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## NickyT

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You are your OWN worst enemy. Just *look* where all that blind loyalty to this cheating 'prize' has gotten you - even when you were separated for* 2 years* and HE was out dating but you chose to sit at home, daydreaming about how wonderful he is.
> 
> Just LOOK where all that blind devotion has gotten you.
> 
> Absolutely nowhere.
> 
> I'll say it again. I just don't get it.


Wow. Slow down skippy. That horse of yours is very high and you might fall off. 

When we were separated, I did not chose to sit at home, daydreaming about how wonderful he is. I thought is was a complete ******. After a certain amount of time, I 180's him. He had a come to Jesus moment, and turned his attitude around. It took a full year before I would let him in the house again. I was raising 3 children and I knew that dating would only complicate my healing process. 

"Blind devotion" as you call it, which is not what I have, has gotten me a 30 year marriage to a man who has been a good provider. With the exception of the time leading up to the separation and the separation, it has given me a husband who has been my champion and my partner. He works hard, he is successful, he doesn't spend all his time in a man cave or scratching his crotch or going out with the boys. But, he has his weaknesses and he is, and always has been, lousy in bed.

I don't like this characterization of me as a little girl pining away. I am a grown woman, a business owner, active in my community and a parent of 3 young adults who are starting their careers - and who thankfully call me daily for direction or conversation.

My husband is a lazy lover. No amount of effort on my part has changed that in 10 years. He looks at porn and he masturbates to it, some times next to me, which I am NOW discovering is more prevalent than I had previously known. This does not make me a simpleton or a child or someone who has blind devotion for a man she has known for 33 years.


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## Maxwedge 413

I can't get over the masturbating in bed next to you. Creepy. Does he Want you to wake up and catch him? Rythmically shaking the bed like that isn't very sneaky. Tell him everything you just told She'sstillGotIt, but that you want to have sex with a man, and you're gonna get a gigolo. You're his best friend and confidant, but he doesn't want to bang you anymore. Hire a latin pool boy.


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## Diana7

username77 said:


> They played mind porn movies and visited prostitutes. There's a reason why it's called the worlds oldest profession.
> 
> If a man isn't getting sex, he will look at porn. If he's religious, he'll look at porn then beat himself up over it.


Nonsense. The majority of men never went to prostitutes and many Christians don't look at porn whether they are married, single, getting sex or not. Their values are there irrespective of what they sex life is or isn't. I know, I am married to a man like that, and we know many other men like that. 
I hate it when some men make all men out to be weak, lust driven beings who cant help but act so badly just because their wives are ill/tired or whatever and cant have sex for 2 weeks. Thankfully there are men out there who aren't like that and treat their wives with respect and love and know that porn is wrong, damaging and cheating.


----------



## Maxwedge 413

Diana7 said:


> ... Christians don't look at porn whether they are married, single, getting sex or not.


Keep telling yourself that.


----------



## username77

Diana7 said:


> Nonsense. The majority of men never went to prostitutes and many Christians don't look at porn whether they are married, single, getting sex or not.


Keep telling yourself this, I would argue men who grew up in ultra-religious households, repressed any sexual desire, and delayed it until a stupidly unreasonable age, are likely the largest partakers in porn viewing.

The Bible talks about prostitution all throughout it, the prophets talk about visiting prostitutes, and Jesus's most loyal disciple, who was mentioned in the New Testament more than any other apostle was a prostitute.

Being "Christian" doesn't provide any shield or moral superiority to anyone else, that much has been clear to me from personal observation and seeing all the people who claim to be Christians in positions of power fall mightily under their hypocrisy.


----------



## CatholicDad

He will remain a lazy lover until cured from his addiction. I'd suspect he could be a real tiger, if he hadn't conditioned himself to porn instead. He can heal, with time and effort.

Wake up porn lovers: porn is bad for men, women, marriage, and children!


----------



## Diana7

NickyT said:


> Wow. Slow down skippy. That horse of yours is very high and you might fall off.
> 
> When we were separated, I did not chose to sit at home, daydreaming about how wonderful he is. I thought is was a complete ******. After a certain amount of time, I 180's him. He had a come to Jesus moment, and turned his attitude around. It took a full year before I would let him in the house again. I was raising 3 children and I knew that dating would only complicate my healing process.
> 
> "Blind devotion" as you call it, which is not what I have, has gotten me a 30 year marriage to a man who has been a good provider. With the exception of the time leading up to the separation and the separation, it has given me a husband who has been my champion and my partner. He works hard, he is successful, he doesn't spend all his time in a man cave or scratching his crotch or going out with the boys. But, he has his weaknesses and he is, and always has been, lousy in bed.
> 
> I don't like this characterization of me as a little girl pining away. I am a grown woman, a business owner, active in my community and a parent of 3 young adults who are starting their careers - and who thankfully call me daily for direction or conversation.
> 
> My husband is a lazy lover. No amount of effort on my part has changed that in 10 years. He looks at porn and he masturbates to it, some times next to me, which I am NOW discovering is more prevalent than I had previously known. This does not make me a simpleton or a child or someone who has blind devotion for a man she has known for 33 years.


I admire you for not dating in that time, you were still married and being a single mum is hard work. I also didn't date at all in the 2 1/2 years when I was separated before we divorced. Just because one spouse isn't acting well, doesn't mean that we have to do the same. Good for you. 
Not that I would put up with the porn, because I never would, especially the completely disrespectful way he looks at it next to you in bed, that is just plain cruel and totally unacceptable. He would have been out of my bed when I first discovered that.


----------



## Diana7

username77 said:


> Keep telling yourself this, I would argue men who grew up in ultra-religious households, repressed any sexual desire, and delayed it until a stupidly unreasonable age, are likely the largest partakers in porn viewing.
> 
> The Bible talks about prostitution all throughout it, the prophets talk about visiting prostitutes, and Jesus's most loyal disciple, who was mentioned in the New Testament more than any other apostle was a prostitute.



Sorry you are wrong, my husband has a normal healthy sexual desire, he focuses it on the marriage and not other women. 
Yes there have always been prostitutes, but its still a minority who visit them. 
You clearly know very few Christians. I have met many thousands over a very long period of time. Most were and are very moral good people.


----------



## Diana7

CatholicDad said:


> He will remain a lazy lover until cured from his addiction. I'd suspect he could be a real tiger, if he hadn't conditioned himself to porn instead. He can heal, with time and effort.
> 
> Wake up porn lovers: porn is bad for men, women, marriage, and children!


You will never get porn users to believe that, but its true. Many claim that all men do it, they don't of course. Its a truly horrible industry that now causes 60% of all divorces.


----------



## username77

Diana7 said:


> You will never get porn users to believe that, but its true. Many claim that all men do it, they don't of course. Its a truly horrible industry that now causes 60% of all divorces.


Conservative estimates put the amount of all data that traverses the Internet to be between 30-45% porn. If you can't grasp how much porn that is I'll just say the amount is kinda hard to even put into a way that you would understand. It's basically a stupid amount of porn. Most porn is viewed from western countries with a high concentration of identifying Christians. So it stands to reason that male Christians are by far the largest viewers of pornography than any other demographic in the world.


----------



## username77

Diana7 said:


> You clearly know very few Christians. I have met many thousands over a very long period of time. Most were and are very moral good people.


Most people I know are "moral and good people" Christian, Muslim, Hindu, agnostic, Jew, etc... In my experience, Christians haven't held any moral high ground over any other group at all. I don't know how you think you know what they do behind closed doors, and that these "moral and good people" don't hit up youporn every now and again.

You don't know who in your life views porn, you just don't.


----------



## Maxwedge 413

CatholicDad said:


> He will remain a lazy lover until cured from his addiction. I'd suspect he could be a real tiger, if he hadn't conditioned himself to porn instead.


She said he's always been a lousy, lazy lover. For 30 or so years. The porn came later. If he has never had an interest in anything other than missionary position, and doesn't seem to care about her sexual satisfaction, then that is just who he is. Discovering pornsites on his laptop 10 years ago does not explain his lack of interest in sex with her since the 80's.


----------



## toblerone

In a way, I'm kind of jealous of the dude. He's got a wife who is more mad at him lookin' at porn than him being an extremely lazy lover.

I'd love to be a lazy lover!

Not so much the whole 'just one position' thing though.


----------



## CatholicDad

Any man who quit porn and masturbation will tell you they became a tigers, and their wives would agree. Porn is just a sick little crutch that weak men use to avoid suffering, vulnerability, and true intimacy. Jesus's words about looking on another with lust being adultery has motivated many, many men.


----------



## Maxwedge 413

Real talk - Jesus was a man, and no-doubt masturbated.


----------



## Cletus

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Real talk - Jesus was a man, and no-doubt masturbated.


Well, we do keep hearing that Jesus is coming. Personally, after 2000 years, I just think he's really into edging.


----------



## Diana7

username77 said:


> Conservative estimates put the amount of all data that traverses the Internet to be between 30-45% porn. If you can't grasp how much porn that is I'll just say the amount is kinda hard to even put into a way that you would understand. It's basically a stupid amount of porn. Most porn is viewed from western countries with a high concentration of identifying Christians. So it stands to reason that male Christians are by far the largest viewers of pornography than any other demographic in the world.


Many may say that the UK is a 'Christian country' but of course it isn't. Only 5% go to church here now. 
Christians know that porn use is wrong, its going against what Jesus says about lusting after other women.


----------



## Diana7

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Real talk - Jesus was a man, and no-doubt masturbated.


We dont know about that of course, but its weird that some men today think that you cant masturbate without porn.


----------



## Cletus

Diana7 said:


> Many may say that the UK is a 'Christian country' but of course it isn't. Only 5% go to church here now.
> Christians know that porn use is wrong, its going against what Jesus says about lusting after other women.


You will find a very large disconnect between what people "know" in public and what they practice in private.

https://www.charismanews.com/us/45671-shocker-study-shows-most-christian-men-are-into-porn


----------



## CatholicDad

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Real talk - Jesus was a man, and no-doubt masturbated.


Real MEN - don't give in to their impulses, and no-doubt enjoy their wives more fully.


----------



## Diana7

Cletus said:


> You will find a very large disconnect between what people "know" in public and what they practice in private.
> 
> https://www.charismanews.com/us/45671-shocker-study-shows-most-christian-men-are-into-porn


Its is thought that about 40-50% Of Christian man view porn sometimes, but when you think that leaves the majority who don't, its a lot of men. Also I am sure that the percentage of other men outside the church who view porn is far far higher. We know its wrong, that's the difference.


----------



## CatholicDad

Cletus said:


> Diana7 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Many may say that the UK is a 'Christian country' but of course it isn't. Only 5% go to church here now.
> Christians know that porn use is wrong, its going against what Jesus says about lusting after other women.
> 
> 
> 
> You will find a very large disconnect between what people "know" in public and what they practice in private.
> 
> https://www.charismanews.com/us/45671-shocker-study-shows-most-christian-men-are-into-porn
Click to expand...

Some Christian's were horribly killed for the faith. I doubt masturbation was much of a struggle for them.


----------



## Cletus

Diana7 said:


> Its is thought that about 40-50% Of Christian man view porn sometimes, but when you think that leaves the majority who don't, its a lot of men. Also I am sure that the percentage of other men outside the church who view porn is far far higher. We know its wrong, that's the difference.


Yes, your feeling of superiority to most of us here is well established. 

The numbers from the article were higher than that, BTW, and that was just the ones who answered the survey honestly.


----------



## Cletus

CatholicDad said:


> Some Christian's were horribly killed for the faith. I doubt masturbation was much of a struggle for them.


If you're struggling, you're either kinky or not doing it right.


----------



## toblerone

Ok folks, I think this has strayed in a territory that really doesn't have a hell (heh) of a lot to do with the OP.


----------



## Maxwedge 413

I have a very satisfying sex life with my wife, as I have with all of my SO through the years. We have a deep emotion, spiritual and physical connection and compliment each other in many ways. And we both masturbate, when the mood strikes us and we have time/privacy. It does not substitute for the good sex we can have together. It does not affect my desires for her. We are in our mid-40s and have been together for 10 years, if that makes any difference.

Yes pornography and masturbation can become an addiction, just as anything else can. If I start overeating, and gain a lot of weight and my cholesterol goes through the roof, and I have ED and no energy.... Is eating a sin? No, of course not. But my obsession with it is unhealthy, and has affected my, and my partners life. Masturbation, in and of itself, is not a sin and not an unhealthy act. Not at all. But anything, in excess, will have consequences.

OP's husband did not lose interest in normal healthy sexual relations with her because of pornography. He never had much of a drive to be with her. Maybe they were good friends first and an attraction grew from that. But the physical attraction was fleeting and he started looking elsewhere (the cheating). He repented for that, and they got back together, but he still doesn't feel a physical, sexual attraction. I don't know - he hasn't chimed in yet, and we are talking more about this than the OP so we may never know the truth.

Masturbating next to someone, unless they enjoy watching that, is just creepy. He has to expect her to wake up. Why wouldn't he go to another room? I think she needs to decide if she wants to keep the high-functioning roommate relationship they have now, and look for physical satisfaction elsewhere - Or get a divorce. But a divorce would tear their otherwise good life/relationship apart. Perhaps they should move to separate bedrooms and agree on an open relationship.


----------



## sokillme

NickyT said:


> Any suggestions? I have been ready to leave him over this issue, though I have not told him that. Thanks.
> 
> Edit: would you leave over this? If I do, I will not date or remarry. I am not interested in other men.


Yes I would. You don't have to be interested in any men but you can see what life brings you. As it is now if life brings you someone else you really can't do anything. Extreme selfishness is not good for any marriage no matter what the partner is being selfish about.


----------



## NickyT

toblerone said:


> Ok folks, I think this has strayed in a territory that really doesn't have a hell (heh) of a lot to do with the OP.


hahaha, exactly what I was thinking when I waded up to your post! Thanks for defending my thread!


----------



## Cletus

The original question is the problem. His porn use isn't really the issue, it's a symptom. It's his complete lack of interest in being your sexual partner that is the issue. This is the basis on which you should decide what to do. Plenty of folks have perfectly happy sex lives where one of the partners is an occasional porn user. Hardly anyone with such a selfish partner has a happy sex life.


----------



## NickyT

Maxwedge 413 said:


> OP's husband did not lose interest in normal healthy sexual relations with her because of pornography. He never had much of a drive to be with her. Maybe they were good friends first and an attraction grew from that. But the physical attraction was fleeting and he started looking elsewhere (the cheating). He repented for that, and they got back together, but he still doesn't feel a physical, sexual attraction. I don't know - he hasn't chimed in yet, and we are talking more about this than the OP so we may never know the truth.
> 
> Masturbating next to someone, unless they enjoy watching that, is just creepy. He has to expect her to wake up. Why wouldn't he go to another room? I think she needs to decide if she wants to keep the high-functioning roommate relationship they have now, and look for physical satisfaction elsewhere - Or get a divorce. But a divorce would tear their otherwise good life/relationship apart. Perhaps they should move to separate bedrooms and agree on an open relationship.


You seem to have captured my problem. I agree masturbating next to someone is a little creepy. I am now wondering why he goes into the other room in the middle of the night some times. I do that occasionally when I can't sleep, since my husband is a light sleeper and me reading would wake him. But perhaps he has been doing it to look at porn. I don't know for sure. Anyway, when I caught him by accident the other night, he immediately followed me into bed and wanted to have sex. I gave that a big nope. If you need to be keyed up and look at porn and have me catch you to want me to get involved, then I am nothing more than a convenience.

I would not ask for an open relationship because I don't want other men, and I don't want to live with the worry that my life would come crashing down should he decide he wants whoever he is boffing more than me. I am an older woman, and he is a successful older man. He would have no trouble finding a piece of something.

The one thing that I have not addressed here except to say that he does not seem to want to meet my needs, is that he has, over the years, had sex with me when he was not clean, causing me to get raging infections. When this happened before we separated, I went and had myself tested because the reaction was so severe. It was just that he was not clean. I then had to say he had to take a shower before sex. I was militant about it, understandably. Well, years went by and I figured he had it figured out....wrong. He did it again. Rather than stopping and saying "I am going to go and clean up" he went ahead. It was a quickie, so it was not like I would notice. 

I don't know, it is a wonder I would say yes if he were to approach me.


----------



## Diana7

Cletus said:


> Yes, your feeling of superiority to most of us here is well established.
> 
> The numbers from the article were higher than that, BTW, and that was just the ones who answered the survey honestly.


So because some believe that porn is damaging and don't of it they are accused of being superior? I think that's down to how you feel about it not us.
I hate porn but don't feel superior at all, I just know the damage it does in marriages so I stay away from it.


----------



## WilliamM

...


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Keep telling yourself that.


I think she said "not all", to include a complete and accurate paraphrase.


----------



## Diana7

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Keep telling yourself that.


Don't take out relevant words. I said many don't not all.

I find it interesting that many men who look at porn try and make out that all men do it. They can't seem to accept that many don't and never would.


----------



## Diana7

gowithuhtred said:


> I think she said "not all", to include a complete and accurate paraphrase.


Yes, the relevant word got removed.:surprise:


----------



## annierose7995

The problem is when it becomes too selfish. Just trying to get off instead of enjoying each others bodies. That's why I can't stand porn because I think it encourages selfishness in that way. Too many men are like this. Although, I'm surprised he doesn't initiate.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt

NickyT said:


> Wow. Slow down skippy. That horse of yours is very high and you might fall off.


One doesn't need to be on a 'high horse' to call a spade a spade.

The guy is a degenerate who prefers jerking off to porn and has NEVER been an enthusiastic lover long before his porn habit started. And on top of it, he freakin' cheated on you and you're STILL clinging to him like grim death trying to 'fix' this fool. 

No one needs to be on ANY high horse to question why you continue to waste your life on this sexually stunted, selfish, lying cheater.


----------



## Broadways

Not to sound weird but I'll be short and simple

All my married friends watch porn on the side and masturbate privately. Even the guys who have active sex life with their gfs do it secretly.

It has very little to with sex or fantasy. Without private masturbation, the penis slowly but gradually stops getting erections as before and the need of sex also diminishes.

Do you know how it feels to remember how often men got erections when they were young? How hard? Females will never understand this feeling. Females do not have a penis to understand it. Neither do females have a sexual physical appendage that reminds them that they are getting old.

Men loose the hardness of their erections as they age and they know it in their heart that they are getting old. Women think men masturbate privately over foreign fantasies but the truth is different and very few men will break and divulge it.


----------



## sandcastle

Broadways said:


> Not to sound weird but I'll be short and simple
> 
> All my married friends watch porn on the side and masturbate privately. Even the guys who have active sex life with their gfs do it secretly.
> 
> It has very little to with sex or fantasy. Without private masturbation, the penis slowly but gradually stops getting erections as before and the need of sex also diminishes.
> 
> Do you know how it feels to remember how often men got erections when they were young? How hard? You(females) cannot understand this. They do not have a penis to understand it.
> 
> Men loose the hardness of their erections as they age and they know it in their heart that they are getting old. Women think men masturbate privately over foreign fantasies but the truth is different and very few men will break and divulge it.



Awesome!
Your poor penis-

Hey, Broadway- do you have a daughter between the age of 10 and 30?

How do you feel about them shaving their pubic hair to get that sexy Porn Vagina?

Are you going to pay for your daughters labiaplasty so she can have that porn *****.

C'mon dad- all the girls have one.


----------



## Broadways

sandcastle said:


> Awesome!
> Your poor penis-
> 
> Hey, Broadway- do you have a daughter between the age of 10 and 30?
> 
> How do you feel about them shaving their pubic hair to get that sexy Porn Vagina?
> 
> Are you going to pay for your daughters labiaplasty so she can have that porn *****.
> 
> C'mon dad- all the girls have one.


What does it have anything to do with a penis?

You do understand that sex cannot begin unless, UNLESS a penis gets hard, correct?


----------



## sandcastle

Broadways said:


> What does it have anything to do with a penis?
> 
> You do understand that sex cannot begin unless, UNLESS a penis gets hard, correct?


You did NOT answer my question-
We all know your penis is super special and needs a ton of attention ...

Your daughters porn Vagina. That has something to do with SOMEBODY and their amazing penis.


----------



## Broadways

Well, mother nature is indeed very cruel on men in coercing their delicate and compassionate minds to insert their body parts inside a women, something that looks like the predators face. Fortunately, the spell starts to wear off after 40.


----------



## sandcastle

Broadways said:


> Well, mother nature is indeed very cruel on men in coercing their delicate and compassionate minds to insert their body parts inside a women, something that looks like the predators face. Fortunately, the spell starts to wear off after 40.


Oh- that makes sense-


----------



## Broadways

sandcastle said:


> Oh- that makes sense-


Yes, but it doesn't happen till 40. By then it's too late and has already cost them a house and kids.

The penis invented electricity. It invented cures for diseases. The penis went to the moon. But none of these historic accomplishments can match the invention of the perfect robot doll.


----------



## sandcastle

Broadways said:


> Yes, but it doesn't happen till 40. By then it's too late and has already cost them a house and kids.
> 
> The penis invented electricity. It invented cures for diseases. The penis went to the moon. None of these historic accomplishments will be as magnificent as the invention of the perfect robot doll.


Scotty needs to beam you up.
Nuff said.

Ewww.... Roll eye


----------



## Broadways

Don't get me wrong. The vagina could be great too. It could be successful, intelligent, happy, and even wise. It just needs to follow these two steps:

1. Shut the **** up
2. Listen to the penis


----------



## sandcastle

Broadways said:


> Don't get me wrong. The vagina could be great too. It could be successful, intelligent, happy, and even wise. It just needs to follow these two steps:
> 
> 1. Shut the **** up
> 2. Listen to the penis


Brilliant!


----------



## Broadways

I want my rib back


----------



## sandcastle

Broadways said:


> I want my rib back


Que? Como? What?


Hmmmm...
Denmark and stinky cheese.


----------



## NobodySpecial

This thread is weird. I guess I have a hard time with the porn fixation. (DH watches it from time to time. It has not ruined our marriage. Many people can imbibe without getting into addiction realm.) Or really the whole sex fixation of modern christians. Jesus had a LOT to say about feeding the poor, and that seems to be a lower priority i daily life. Mail a check every once and a while... and bing. Be that as it may, I don't see porn or masturbation as the root problem. This guy was perfectly able to bring it, including lingerie purchases, with his affair partner. Who knows what his malfunction is. But it seems to me that addressing porn and masturbation is going on a hunt that won't solve the problem.


----------



## toblerone

Broadways said:


> It has very little to with sex or fantasy. Without private masturbation, the penis slowly but gradually stops getting erections as before and the need of sex also diminishes.


uh... what






Broadways said:


> I want my rib back


You already have it.


----------



## uhtred

There are women who are not in porn who shave, I really don't see that as anything other than a personal choice. I don't know how common labiaplasty is either in general or among porn stars, but like most elective surgery (including breast enlargement) I think it should be avoided - but of course people are free to do what they want with their bodies. 






sandcastle said:


> Awesome!
> Your poor penis-
> 
> Hey, Broadway- do you have a daughter between the age of 10 and 30?
> 
> How do you feel about them shaving their pubic hair to get that sexy Porn Vagina?
> 
> Are you going to pay for your daughters labiaplasty so she can have that porn *****.
> 
> C'mon dad- all the girls have one.


----------



## uhtred

I think a majority of people do not share your viewpoint on this. 



Broadways said:


> Well, mother nature is indeed very cruel on men in coercing their delicate and compassionate minds to insert their body parts inside a women, something that looks like the predators face. Fortunately, the spell starts to wear off after 40.


----------



## Diana7

NobodySpecial said:


> This thread is weird. I guess I have a hard time with the porn fixation. (DH watches it from time to time. It has not ruined our marriage. Many people can imbibe without getting into addiction realm.) Or really the whole sex fixation of modern christians. Jesus had a LOT to say about feeding the poor, and that seems to be a lower priority i daily life. Mail a check every once and a while... and bing. Be that as it may, I don't see porn or masturbation as the root problem. This guy was perfectly able to bring it, including lingerie purchases, with his affair partner. Who knows what his malfunction is. But it seems to me that addressing porn and masturbation is going on a hunt that won't solve the problem.



You clearly know few Christians. Its not us who have a sex fixation but those who have casual sex and who watch porn. Those who cant possible go on a few dates without having sex. Those who have had multiple partners. Those who cant keep away from porn. The fact that we don't do those things shows that for us sex has its right place in our lives, in marriage between us and our spouse only(and that includes no porn). If I was fixated on sex I wouldn't have waited till I married my husband till we had sex. I may be watching porn regularly. 
And BTW millions of us do help and give to the hungry and poor.


----------



## Maxwedge 413

NobodySpecial said:


> Many people can imbibe without getting into addiction realm.) Or really the whole sex fixation of modern christians. Jesus had a LOT to say about feeding the poor, and that seems to be a lower priority i daily life. Mail a check every once and a while... and bing.


I think NobodySpecial's point was along this line-
If practicing Christian forum members would put as much time and energy into helping the hungry as they do railing against pornography... There would be no more hungry.

And what's up with the whole misogynistic MGTOW rant by Broadways? This is a relationship forum buddy, not the He-Man Woman-Haters Club.


----------



## toblerone

Maxwedge 413 said:


> And what's up with the whole misogynistic MGTOW rant by Broadways? This is a relationship forum buddy, not the He-Man Woman-Haters Club.


what do you mean?



Broadways said:


> Well, mother nature is indeed very cruel on men in coercing their delicate and compassionate minds to insert their body parts inside a women, something that looks like the predators face. Fortunately, the spell starts to wear off after 40.



no this guy totally sounds like a rational individual with no bones to pick at all.


----------



## Diana7

Maxwedge 413 said:


> I think NobodySpecial's point was along this line-
> If practicing Christian forum members would put as much time and energy into helping the hungry as they do railing against pornography... There would be no more hungry.
> 
> And what's up with the whole misogynistic MGTOW rant by Broadways? This is a relationship forum buddy, not the He-Man Woman-Haters Club.


Believe it or not it is possible to help others AND take part in a discussion forum. :surprise:


----------



## Maxwedge 413

Broadways said:


> Well, mother nature is indeed very cruel on men in coercing their delicate and compassionate minds to insert their body parts inside a women, something that looks like the predators face. Fortunately, the spell starts to wear off after 40.


I don't think a labiaplasty is going to help this....


----------



## toblerone

tbh if i had sex with women whose private parts looked like the predator i might be a little mad at the world too

but to this day i've never found a woman with that issue


----------



## Maxwedge 413

Diana7 said:


> Believe it or not it is possible to help others AND take part in a discussion forum. :surprise:


Of course it is. But to the points that you and NS were making (towards each other), do you help the hungry and poor as actively as you advise people on what God and Jesus want them to do with their own bodies?


----------



## FrenchFry

Maxwedge 413 said:


> I think NobodySpecial's point was along this line-
> If practicing Christian forum members would put as much time and energy into helping the hungry as they do railing against pornography... There would be no more hungry.
> 
> *And what's up with the whole misogynistic MGTOW rant by Broadways? This is a relationship forum buddy, not the He-Man Woman-Haters Club.*


Are you _*sure*_ about that?


----------



## Maxwedge 413

FrenchFry said:


> Are you _*sure*_ about that?


Well, in theory.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

username77 said:


> I always think what came first the chicken or the egg in regards to porn? Some men just get lost in the fantasy world of porn and neglect their wife, but some men get neglected by their wives for a long time, and then resort to porn and beating it.
> 
> If you give your husband half-ass duty sex nothing will chase him to porn and masturbation quicker. Most men would prefer porno and masturbation over an unenthusiastic partner giving them pity sex.
> 
> If you want to get your husband off porn, find out what gets his gears going. Delve deep into his fantasies and do a little role play. Be enthusiastic and authentic and he'll come around. But expecting him to not look at porn or masturbate because he already got his bi-weekly handjob coupled with 7 minutes of missionary sex is unrealistic.


Whereas this answer won't apply for all men, this is by far the best answer I've seen here, and by far IMHO and many, many others the most correct answer there is. But it goes both ways. Here I have to agree enthusiastically for the men's side it applies too. Well said!


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## NobodySpecial

Diana7 said:


> You clearly know few Christians.


I know a lot of them. I have a lot of respect for many of them who took the importance of his teachings seriously.


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## NobodySpecial

Maxwedge 413 said:


> I think NobodySpecial's point was along this line-
> If practicing Christian forum members would put as much time and energy into helping the hungry as they do railing against pornography... There would be no more hungry.
> 
> A


I can almost picture Jesus being quoted after an incident where a couple came to him with a marriage problem, and he replied "SHEESH don't look at other women, dumbass!"  But seriously. That was not a major thrust of the New Testament but seems to be a Big Fat Deal to people who think they can and should spend all their time telling people what a christian is.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

NobodySpecial said:


> I can almost picture Jesus being quoted after an incident where a couple came to him with a marriage problem, and he replied "SHEESH don't look at other women, dumbass!"  But seriously. That was not a major thrust of the New Testament but seems to be a Big Fat Deal to people who think they can and should spend all their time telling people what a christian is.



I'll go with this, great answer. Also, "don't look at other men, dumbass, too." 
Both apply in a good marriage.


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## NobodySpecial

gowithuhtred said:


> I'll go with this, great answer. Also, "don't look at other men, dumbass, too."
> Both apply in a good marriage.


It does not need to, necessarily. But if that is a boundary necessary in ones marriage, then that seems sane. What makes sense within a troubled marriage very likely would be different than in one that is not. That said, there is no reason to be gender specific, of course.


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## CatholicDad

Broadways said:


> Not to sound weird but I'll be short and simple
> 
> All my married friends watch porn on the side and masturbate privately. Even the guys who have active sex life with their gfs do it secretly.
> 
> It has very little to with sex or fantasy. Without private masturbation, the penis slowly but gradually stops getting erections as before and the need of sex also diminishes.
> 
> Do you know how it feels to remember how often men got erections when they were young? How hard? Females will never understand this feeling. Females do not have a penis to understand it. Neither do females have a sexual physical appendage that reminds them that they are getting old.
> 
> Men loose the hardness of their erections as they age and they know it in their heart that they are getting old. Women think men masturbate privately over foreign fantasies but the truth is different and very few men will break and divulge it.


I'm sorry, but the penis doesn't require private masturbation to stay healthy. That's such a lie. 

My porn free, non-played with equipment still works fantastically and I'm almost 50. I'd state emphatically that it gets harder off porn than on. When I'm with my wife now my whole body and mind is 100% engaged. Porn users are always mostly satisfied and can't understand even what true sexual frustration is! Believe me when a man (even one my age) hasn't had sex in a week or more his hormones are through the roof - his junk can get very, very hard (sorry don't know how to politely say it).

Porn users need not speak for the health of the non porn users equipment....further, my penis could whip yours any day!


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## uhtred

That may be true for people with partners who want sex. Some of us are not so lucky.



CatholicDad said:


> I'm sorry, but the penis doesn't require private masturbation to stay healthy. That's such a lie.
> 
> My porn free, non-played with equipment still works fantastically and I'm almost 50. I'd state emphatically that it gets harder off porn than on. When I'm with my wife now my whole body and mind is 100% engaged. Porn users are always mostly satisfied and can't understand even what true sexual frustration is! Believe me when a man (even one my age) hasn't had sex in a week or more his hormones are through the roof - his junk can get very, very hard (sorry don't know how to politely say it).
> 
> Porn users need not speak for the health of the non porn users equipment....further, my penis could whip yours any day!


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## Personal

CatholicDad said:


> further, my penis could whip yours any day!


When you say whip, do you mean to hit my penis with your penis while holding it or would you do it hands free?


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## Diana7

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Of course it is. But to the points that you and NS were making (towards each other), do you help the hungry and poor as actively as you advise people on what God and Jesus want them to do with their own bodies?


Many things are important, but as this is a discussion forum, we are discussing.


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## Diana7

CatholicDad said:


> I'm sorry, but the penis doesn't require private masturbation to stay healthy. That's such a lie.
> 
> My porn free, non-played with equipment still works fantastically and I'm almost 50. I'd state emphatically that it gets harder off porn than on. When I'm with my wife now my whole body and mind is 100% engaged. Porn users are always mostly satisfied and can't understand even what true sexual frustration is! Believe me when a man (even one my age) hasn't had sex in a week or more his hormones are through the roof - his junk can get very, very hard (sorry don't know how to politely say it).
> 
> Porn users need not speak for the health of the non porn users equipment....further, my penis could whip yours any day!


I LOVE this post, and as the wife of a non porn using husband I can confirm that his equipment works very well. :smile2:


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## Diana7

NobodySpecial said:


> I can almost picture Jesus being quoted after an incident where a couple came to him with a marriage problem, and he replied "SHEESH don't look at other women, dumbass!"  But seriously. That was not a major thrust of the New Testament but seems to be a Big Fat Deal to people who think they can and should spend all their time telling people what a christian is.


Marriage and sex are one of the many things that the Bible teaches on. Sex is for man and woman in marriage. Adultery is wrong and VERY serious, as is porn, both are disobeying Gods teaching. 

IF you want to discuss feeding the hungry then start another thread/forum, someone started this one which is about porn on a forum for those with marriage/relationship issues. You have no idea what I or anyone else here, or Christians or churches in general do to help those who are poor(I can tell you that its A LOT), so let stick to the subject.


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## Diana7

NobodySpecial said:


> I know a lot of them. I have a lot of respect for many of them who took the importance of his teachings seriously.


In my experience most do. Part of that is living a life that is different, not just on what we do for others, but in how we live. Adultery is strongly forbidden and porn use is also a no no.


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## EleGirl

username77 said:


> I always think what came first the chicken or the egg in regards to porn? Some men just get lost in the fantasy world of porn and neglect their wife, but some men get neglected by their wives for a long time, and then resort to porn and beating it.
> 
> If you give your husband half-ass duty sex nothing will chase him to porn and masturbation quicker. Most men would prefer porno and masturbation over an unenthusiastic partner giving them pity sex.
> 
> If you want to get your husband off porn, find out what gets his gears going. Delve deep into his fantasies and do a little role play. Be enthusiastic and authentic and he'll come around. But expecting him to not look at porn or masturbate because he already got his bi-weekly handjob coupled with 7 minutes of missionary sex is unrealistic.


While what you say here seems to make sense, the fact is that many men who end up addicted to (or using porn instead of having sex with their wives) have wives who love sex, who are not characterized by your description here.... 7 minutes of missionary sex, etc. 

In many cases the problem lies with the man and not his wife. It's profoundly wrong to just make a blanket assumption that it's always the woman's fault if a man turns to porn.

A sizable portion of men are getting sucked into online porn because it messes with brain chemistry. Just like online gaming messes with the brain chemistry of men who spend too many hours a day/week playing electronic/computer games.

Some men simply get to the point that they prefer jacking off to one porn video after another than to having sex with a live woman and having to also put energy into pleasing her.


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