# Need man's opinion on the sex drive thing.



## dentalgirl (May 13, 2011)

Posting here guys since i figured if I posted it in the women's Most would wonder what the problem is.. My spouse has E.D. due to type II diabetes which he didnt even realize he had until6 months after we met . Its not like he has No sex drive..its just pretty low and when he is in the mood.. actual sex isnt really able to happen.. he's more at "half up?" for lack of a better term. I love him and well I make it work for him...lol. The thing that bothered me at first was even though he had this problem for several years, when we first met and everything..he of course was embarrassed and said things like.."well you arent getting me ready, ect".. (kind of blamed me) It really hurt myu self esteem for a whle. Well now that we know what problem really is and he sees im not going anywhere we make it work somehow.. (by the way..we have tried all of the E.D. meds really expensive and really doesnt work for us). Now my issue isnt about that its more like... A 68.. kind of like a 69 but I do him and he owes me 1 .lol. We have never been able to actually have sex.. but being that I find a way to work around that for him.... why is it that , when he is done, , , we are done... He actually acts like it doesnt even occur to him that I may have needs.. something.. a back rub..a thank you... I mean seriously guys,,, i know some women dont have as of much of a sex drive as some men (or at least its what you guys say on here) ..and mine is actually lower because of the 3 years of going without, but it really seems like he has it down to the day.. to approach me for oral sex on the next day after i tell him i have my period, just so he doesnt have to "give back". Maybe a coincidence..? I dont know. Id never cheat, this isnt about that... But I do miss alot of the other stuff that goes along with sex.. i mean just being that close..(well face to face that is).lol How do i convey.."you have to make a deposit once in a while if you want to keep up with all the withdrawls!" 
So here is the other thing,,,given our specific situation...what is cheating? for us i mean. I showed up at his work early one day and he was rubbing the shoulders of a girl at his work...now he isnt sleeping with her.i know her also...but given that he doesnt do that for me... Isnt cheating (maybe not physically but emotionally) doing something with someone that you should be or could be doing with your spouse? Plus he has kind of talked about our stupid arguments (not the E.D. thing) with her and he always said.. no marriage counselors no one needs to know about our private issues. So is this inappropriate, someone we know he works with..knowing stupid things about our problems.. ? Which only hears his side of it.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

dentalgirl said:


> Posting here guys since i figured if I posted it in the women's Most would wonder what the problem is.. My spouse has E.D. due to type II diabetes which he didnt even realize he had until6 months after we met . Its not like he has No sex drive..its just pretty low and when he is in the mood.. actual sex isnt really able to happen.. he's more at "half up?" for lack of a better term. I love him and well I make it work for him...lol. The thing that bothered me at first was even though he had this problem for several years, when we first met and everything..he of course was embarrassed and said things like.."well you arent getting me ready, ect".. (kind of blamed me) It really hurt myu self esteem for a whle. Well now that we know what problem really is and he sees im not going anywhere we make it work somehow.. (by the way..we have tried all of the E.D. meds really expensive and really doesnt work for us). Now my issue isnt about that its more like... A 68.. kind of like a 69 but I do him and he owes me 1 .lol. We have never been able to actually have sex.. but being that I find a way to work around that for him.... why is it that , when he is done, , , we are done... He actually acts like it doesnt even occur to him that I may have needs.. something.. a back rub..a thank you... I mean seriously guys,,, i know some women dont have as of much of a sex drive as some men (or at least its what you guys say on here) ..and mine is actually lower because of the 3 years of going without, but it really seems like he has it down to the day.. to approach me for oral sex on the next day after i tell him i have my period, just so he doesnt have to "give back". Maybe a coincidence..? I dont know. Id never cheat, this isnt about that... But I do miss alot of the other stuff that goes along with sex.. i mean just being that close..(well face to face that is).lol How do i convey.."you have to make a deposit once in a while if you want to keep up with all the withdrawls!"
> So here is the other thing,,,given our specific situation...what is cheating? for us i mean. I showed up at his work early one day and he was rubbing the shoulders of a girl at his work...now he isnt sleeping with her.i know her also...but given that he doesnt do that for me... Isnt cheating (maybe not physically but emotionally) doing something with someone that you should be or could be doing with your spouse? Plus he has kind of talked about our stupid arguments (not the E.D. thing) with her and he always said.. no marriage counselors no one needs to know about our private issues. So is this inappropriate, someone we know he works with..knowing stupid things about our problems.. ? Which only hears his side of it.


Have you actually and succinctly told him about this?

Sometimes women bottle up inside all of their frustrations with their husband until it is too late for him to do anything about it. There is no need to shout or act in an emasculating fashion towards him, doing so will only backfire on you and he'll go further into withdrawl. Communicate directly to him and not in a roundabout fashion - we men don't speak woman to well if you haven't noticed already


----------



## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

I'm not exactly in the same situation, but We do have the problem of miss funtion. The pills help a lot. In fact he cryed when they worked. Now he is back to not using them and I'm crying. 
What about a strap on? 
As for him hinting when it's convienently time for mother nature. I think I would put a quick stop to that. He is not giving in return and everyone knows it is better to give than to get. Well some times anyway. I would not feel to giving when he asks and ask him to just hold me. I'm feeling a bit blue. 
Perhaps a little conversation leading to I might be more willing to give If you were to wind me up. It's black mail but


----------



## Frost (Aug 2, 2010)

It sounds like he definitely still is dealing with guilt and shame and by only initiating during the cycle he can avoid attempting reconciliation. I would advice that you try to steer sex away from being about penetration and rather about spending the time and effort together and finding different methods of pleasuring each other. For example, use toys, do oral, mutual masturbation, any besides actual intercourse. This will take some performance anxiety away and should help him get comfortable with sex in general.


----------

