# One year ago today...



## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

One year ago, on this very day, I moved out of our home and into an apartment. We were separated for two months already, and I remained in the home for two months to gather enough money to leave. I must say these two months were hell. It was within these two months that I acted on my gut feelings, because her excuse for leaving me, which was she was too stressed out from me, didn't sit right. Intimacy had stopped 3 months before this, so I had a feeling there was more to it. 

In the two months in the house, I logged on to her phone bill and that's when I discovered she was texting my friend who lives out of province, among other numbers I didn't recognize. We had major fights for two months over this...she denied, lied, then said she was texting him for real estate advice...even though I caught her, unknowingly to her, sexting him one late evening...she took off her nightie and took a pic...sent...and I threw up! 

She helped me move June 1st, and was very hospitable and accommodating. After everything was in my apartment, she turned to me at the door, hugged me, and said "we can do this"...meaning we can be friends...terrible mistake...she was laden with guilt, but being vulnerable, I believed her. That night, she picked up my friend at the airport and had sex in her car with him...I found this out much later...not at the time...the next morning, after my first night in my new place, she texted me with a "how was your night, sweetie" text... 

For 8 months we had sex once a week...at my request...call it hysterical bonding I guess...I was treated terribly...dismissed and shunned, but she would easily come over/text me when she needed something. I succumbed...again, how stupid of me. 

Here I am a year later...still alone and still sad, but healing. No contact has helped, despite a few texts from her...but I do not respond or initiate... 

She is 3 months into a new relationship, and apparently it is "moving forward". She met his kids, etc. I dated a couple times but nothing has come of it... 

I miss her, yes. I miss my old life at my nice house, my stepson, my dog. I miss the way my wife USED TO BE...not the sex addict or betrayer or liar she turned into... 

I'm moving forward. This website helped. Hopefully, the sadness and pain will ALL be gone soon...divorce is coming...I'm trying hard to get rid of all the layers of pain, after several counsellors and friend's advice. 

Hope this is a better year, because I just lost an entire one.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

deg20 said:


> One year ago, on this very day, I moved out of our home and into an apartment. We were separated for two months already, and I remained in the home for two months to gather enough money to leave. I must say these two months were hell. It was within these two months that I acted on my gut feelings, because her excuse for leaving me, which was she was too stressed out from me, didn't sit right. Intimacy had stopped 3 months before this, so I had a feeling there was more to it.
> 
> In the two months in the house, I logged on to her phone bill and that's when I discovered she was texting my friend who lives out of province, among other numbers I didn't recognize. We had major fights for two months over this...she denied, lied, then said she was texting him for real estate advice...even though I caught her, unknowingly to her, sexting him one late evening...she took off her nightie and took a pic...sent...and I threw up!
> 
> ...


All that stuff you lost is gone. Embrace that and realize you now must build new things in your life.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

I am...it's hard not to look back, at what could have been, and I've always been one for nostalgia...but I have to bear down and forget...

Remembering the good times we had leaves me sad that it couldn't continue
Remembering the bad times and what she did to me in the past year makes me even sadder
...so if I just don't remember, then hopefully I'll be ok.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

deg20 said:


> I am...it's hard not to look back, at what could have been, and I've always been one for nostalgia...but I have to bear down and forget...
> 
> Remembering the good times we had leaves me sad that it couldn't continue
> Remembering the bad times and what she did to me in the past year makes me even sadder
> ...so if I just don't remember, then hopefully I'll be ok.


Believe me, I completely understand how you feel. I have extremely fond memories of my W. We created a beautiful story over the years. But that person is gone; replaced by a woman whom I don't know and want nothing to do with. 

Don't be afraid to remember...just don't let the memories control you. 

When you're reminded of something good, experience it and move on. 

When you're reminded of something bad, experience it and move on.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

This year will be a better year. 

You will move on, you will endure and you will be happy again. 

There isn't another option.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

deg20 said:


> I am...it's hard not to look back, at what could have been, and I've always been one for nostalgia...but I have to bear down and forget...
> 
> Remembering the good times we had leaves me sad that it couldn't continue
> Remembering the bad times and what she did to me in the past year makes me even sadder
> ...so if I just don't remember, then hopefully I'll be ok.


I think never looking back is why my now two year old divorce that ended a 45 year marriage was easier (not that it was actually easy -- just easier than many). Try this. When the past fills your brain, redirect your thoughts to something else that you're interested in. You may have to do that many times a day. That's okay. It's a process. And it takes time. You'll get through it and come out better. Life can be very good.


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