# My whole life collapsed due to mental illnesses, menopause.



## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

I am struggling were to start with this and I'm feeling very vulnerable due to my mental state of mind, but hope this can help others understand.

My husband and I had the perfect marriage and were looking forward to growing older together. I had health issues he was aware of before marriage and he even researched to understand. Was always looking for ways to help with my illnesses. I never had mental health illnesses during those earlier years of our marriage. Due to my illness I had to have hormone treatments, cancer meds, meds to put me into menopause (6 months of a year), 9 operations, all meds came with side effects and risks, but I managed ok and still had a good life. Then I was told about getting a full hysterectomy, tubes, ovaries, womb removed but my cervix was too dangerous to move because stuck to another organ by adhesions. I was told I would have a better quality of life. I went ahead with the surgery.

Since my surgery I am not who I was before my surgery and have the worst anxiety, depression, panic attacks, break downs and feel like I am grieving every day and feelings of dread.

I've deteriorated over the years and all drs have done is give me antidepressants (tried 9 diff one's so far) which made me worse. No one has even offered me hrt and when I asked they said due to my estrogen dependant autoimmune illness hrt would be bad for me. Wtf!!!!

My marriage is ruined, lost members of family, friends and I'm just wasting away unable to function. I don't care if hrt causes complications, as long as I can feel again, love again, smile again, care again. I'd rather go through worse chronic pain than losing my mind.

I love my husband with all my heart, and all my family etc but I've walked away from them all because in my sick mind they deserve better. My husband deserves to be happy and not dragged down by me. That's my sick mind thinking that. I've ran away twice, didn't even know where I was going. Have had many breakdowns which I thought I was going to die. I've been unable to care for myself properly and go days up to a week without eating. I've had a lot of falls and ended up with 2 huge black eyes after head butting the concrete. My husband as we are still married makes me stay with him up to a week at times to keep a check on me. He is heartbroken seeing me like this and told me he can now see physically how sick I am. We are actually staying in both our properties 3 minutes apart. 

My situation is complicated because I have also had brain cancer/tumour which was estrogen dependant. I almost died in 2001. Another reason they want to avoid hrt. 8 years of my life has been destroyed and I would risk the hrt to have better quality of life even if I dropped dead a year later. A year of good life or years of hell. I know which I would prefer.

Any women ever get their life back after worst cases of menopause? That have to avoid estrogen. Estrogen is what I need to function and made me who I was and who my husband loves/loved. (My body used to produce more estrogen than a woman without my illness) 

Feeling desperate.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

(((@CrAzYdOgLaDy)))

I don’t have anything particularly helpful to say - I just wanted you to know that I hear you, and I’m very sorry that you suffer so.

It’s understandable that you don’t want to burden others, but if people (your husband especially) are willing to support you in various ways, perhaps consider letting go of the need to control? Let that go, and let them in? Feel the freedom to be loved in real ways? Accept their care?

If not family and friends, then professionals? At a time like this, which is an extreme situation, it would be best not to isolate yourself. 

I don’t know anything about the British healthcare system, but maybe @MattMatt or @Andy1001 would have something to add?


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

minimalME said:


> (((@CrAzYdOgLaDy)))
> 
> I don’t have anything particularly helpful to say - I just wanted you to know that I hear you, and I’m very sorry that you suffer so.
> 
> ...


Thank you lovely. My husband feels guilty because he didn't recognise I was actually sick at 1st, and some days shouted at me when he was frustrated with something. I thought he was abusive. He wishes he handled things better because he ended becoming one of my triggers. We have been away camping together twice last couple of months. I'm also seeing a different Dr tomorrow to go over all the same **** of the last 8 years. Hope this Dr actually helps. Won't leave until they give me the correct medication (hrt and very high dose, low dose no good for me) have been close to admitting myself into a mental hospital a few times, but too scared to follow through. Thank you for you reply. It means a lot.

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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

People keep giving you pills. Meds may help the cancer but alone they won't help your mental functioning. You need a good quality talk therapist. You also need to practice some form of mindfulness / mediation / prayer to calm yourself when you feel out of control.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

I hate that you are suffering so. What a terrible situation. 

IMO, too much medicine, too many side effects. 

Can you talk to someone? If not a therapist/counselor than perhaps clergy or is there a support group online maybe? I really feel for you, but I think you'll get the most support from others in yours or similar situations.



CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> I love my husband with all my heart, and all my family etc but I've walked away from them all because in my sick mind they deserve better. My husband deserves to be happy and not dragged down by me.


This is very hard, but we don't get to decide things like this for other people. We can't dictate them. We can only make decisions for ourselves. 

God bless you. I hope and pray that you receive peace and comfort.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I am so sorry to hear this and your suffering. I’ve had experience with antidepressants, only one worked well for me but had a sexual side effect that I couldn’t live with. Obviously, I have no experience with menopause, but I hope you get on the path towards living a fulfilling life again and getting somewhat back to your old self.


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

What you need is support. Counseling can help you sort through your feelings. I believe isolating yourself will make you feel worse. I know it can be hard to accept help from others but it sounds like you really need it. 

Don’t give up on the doctors. Keep pushing.


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> I am struggling were to start with this and I'm feeling very vulnerable due to my mental state of mind, but hope this can help others understand.
> 
> My husband and I had the perfect marriage and were looking forward to growing older together. I had health issues he was aware of before marriage and he even researched to understand. Was always looking for ways to help with my illnesses. I never had mental health illnesses during those earlier years of our marriage. Due to my illness I had to have hormone treatments, cancer meds, meds to put me into menopause (6 months of a year), 9 operations, all meds came with side effects and risks, but I managed ok and still had a good life. Then I was told about getting a full hysterectomy, tubes, ovaries, womb removed but my cervix was too dangerous to move because stuck to another organ by adhesions. I was told I would have a better quality of life. I went ahead with the surgery.
> 
> ...


Your case is complicate. But you're also an important example of why removing womens utery organs is a massive impact and conflict into their personality.
As humans and every living being, we are a some of all our body parts. Removing any of those isn't just childs play. It is a major intrusion into our personality.
We women don't just have uterus and ovaries to give birth and once we aren't able to give birth those organs aren't unnecessary. 
They are part of who we are and every alteration or removig significantly changes who we are and how we feel.
But medicine is men made. It looks at womens organs of plain birth organs. But they're not. They're more. 
You can't remove those organs just for medical issues. Medicine has to investigate into preserving those organs instead of simply removing them for health reasons. 

We are born with them and from the day of our exostence no matter if we are ready to give birth or not, they influence who we are and how we feel. These aren't just organs to enable us to give birth. Rather or not we ever give birth they determine who we're going to be and how we feel as women.
And removing them destroyes this whole natural belance. 

I know for my self that medics tend to be willing to remove our wombs due to what they think is a fact of we aee still able to give birth or not.
But once we aren't able to give birth it doesn't mean these organs don't serve any purpose to us as women anymore.

The uterus and ovaries aren't throw-away organs once they don't serve the purpose of being reproductive organs. They're inportant organs for every being who ever posessed them. 

They're part of our mind and our soul.
I know I don't really help you as you lost this important part of you. Just want you to understand that those changes you feel are real and serious. I hope you'll find your way there is always a way. 
I wish you all the best on your way. Don't give up! 
Find your qay and help other women wuth your experience. You're very important with your experience.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Horrible year after50th bday and 25 th anniversary. Horrible. Came out the other side well. Exercise and living got me through it. It sucked.


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

I know this sounds weird but have you tried microdosing mushrooms or even LSD. There has been some recent positive studies on these 2 drugs. I have a friend that lives in Oregon and they are treating their depression with mushrooms. She says she's never felt better and her anxiety has greatly reduced. Obviously still illegal in some states.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> I am struggling were to start with this and I'm feeling very vulnerable due to my mental state of mind, but hope this can help others understand.
> 
> My husband and I had the perfect marriage and were looking forward to growing older together. I had health issues he was aware of before marriage and he even researched to understand. Was always looking for ways to help with my illnesses. I never had mental health illnesses during those earlier years of our marriage. Due to my illness I had to have hormone treatments, cancer meds, meds to put me into menopause (6 months of a year), 9 operations, all meds came with side effects and risks, but I managed ok and still had a good life. Then I was told about getting a full hysterectomy, tubes, ovaries, womb removed but my cervix was too dangerous to move because stuck to another organ by adhesions. I was told I would have a better quality of life. I went ahead with the surgery.
> 
> ...


I don't think menopause is the main culprit in your symptoms. I think it's probably had some changes from the brain tumor years ago and cancer. People can have hysterectomies and be just fine mentally and happy. I think it's your overall health, probably. And HRT isn't a miracle worker. I've been on it most of my life, but I still had some reasonable semblance of menopause. Even if they're being supplemented, hormones still drop off and the body still degenerates. 

I'm sure they feel hormones would be too risky if you have these cervix problems and cancer. You can always keep trying to change new psych meds. If you aren't confident in your psychiatrist, try a different one.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> I am struggling were to start with this and I'm feeling very vulnerable due to my mental state of mind, but hope this can help others understand.
> 
> My husband and I had the perfect marriage and were looking forward to growing older together. I had health issues he was aware of before marriage and he even researched to understand. Was always looking for ways to help with my illnesses. I never had mental health illnesses during those earlier years of our marriage. Due to my illness I had to have hormone treatments, cancer meds, meds to put me into menopause (6 months of a year), 9 operations, all meds came with side effects and risks, but I managed ok and still had a good life. Then I was told about getting a full hysterectomy, tubes, ovaries, womb removed but my cervix was too dangerous to move because stuck to another organ by adhesions. I was told I would have a better quality of life. I went ahead with the surgery.
> 
> ...


Obviously not a woman but I just want you to know I'm so sorry you are hurting and I'm praying for you.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

My mil had a complete hysterectomy and suffered terrible depression and anxiety. Her obgyn didn't have to remove everything but he did it anyway. She's been on Prozac on and off and it seems she's hanging in there. It has been a crazy rollercoaster for her and us. 

I was wondering, have gotten a second opinion? How about seeing a functional doctor? Can you use other hormones? Women store estrogen in fatty tissue, unless you are taking any hormone suppressing drugs, you might still have estrogen in your body and you might need progesterone and testosterone. 

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I hope you can find a medical provider who can help you. Please keep looking for a doctor who can help you.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

The main thing is because she has such a complex history that she can't even go to a psychiatrist without making sure they have all the medical records.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

thinking about depression is changing fast.


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

I have had a partial hysterectomy and recovery sucked. I retained my ovaries, thankfully. Having suffered with depression my whole life I can't imagine what going through immediate menopause would do to my state of mind. So when I say you are a strong person I mean it. I get it. You ARE strong.

I am no doctor so won't even attempt to speak about the hrt treatment, except to say it is not a magic bullet. Can you explore other options like medical Marijuana? An anti inflammatory diet? Acupuncture? Massage therapy? Acupressure? Blue light therapy? Chiropractic adjustments? Or some combination. And of course CBT is a must along with Journaling. Journaling is so effective at identifying triggers to that fight or flight response.

I can really only offer words of encouragement for what it is worth.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> I am struggling were to start with this and I'm feeling very vulnerable due to my mental state of mind, but hope this can help others understand.
> 
> My husband and I had the perfect marriage and were looking forward to growing older together. I had health issues he was aware of before marriage and he even researched to understand. Was always looking for ways to help with my illnesses. I never had mental health illnesses during those earlier years of our marriage. Due to my illness I had to have hormone treatments, cancer meds, meds to put me into menopause (6 months of a year), 9 operations, all meds came with side effects and risks, but I managed ok and still had a good life. Then I was told about getting a full hysterectomy, tubes, ovaries, womb removed but my cervix was too dangerous to move because stuck to another organ by adhesions. I was told I would have a better quality of life. I went ahead with the surgery.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry you're dealing with this, it sounds terribly difficult and unending to endure.

I have never had cancer, but have dealt with a few hormonal conditions requiring surgery which were also estrogen driven. I decided to have the hysterectomy despite my fears to avoid repeated surgeries.

My hormones are still all over the place 3+ years later. I still have my ovaries, but have experienced some menopausal symptoms, mostly overheating and mood swings. I have not needed HRT, though my drive increased horribly once I recovered, it's finally manageable now.

My surgeon had to disentangle my colon from my uterus, it was overgrown with internal scar tissue from my last surgery and endometrial webbing. But she managed it fine with a robot and smaller incisions. My recovery was much faster with the smaller incisions than my previous one, despite it being more complicated. Can you ask your doctor about robotic surgery?


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

No words of advice unfortunately, just loads of sympathy and empathy. My doctor doesn't "believe" in HRT and definitely won't prescribe estrogen replacement for someone with family history of breast cancer (which I have, although it's two generations back) due to increased risk. She actually suggested some of the popular herbal "remedies" but I ended up being allergic to them.

I also had a hysterectomy, uterus and cervix only, at a fairly young age (33). So difficult to tell when I officially entered menopause rather than cycling in and out of perimenopause, but I feel like I've been living in a stranger's body for the last 10 years. My ability to sleep tanked, my libido vanished, I suddenly became intolerant to caffeine and I'm always uncomfortably warmer than anyone else around me, Hot flashes have occasionally resulted in fainting. I already have severe osteoporosis and I'm not quite 60. And my complaints pale to what you're going through.

Keep trying to find a solution! I hope the new doc has better answers for you.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Your situation is heartbreaking, I’m sorry. 
Stay strong and don’t pull away from your family. They love you and they need you. 
i’m praying for you.


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

Corgi Mum said:


> No words of advice unfortunately, just loads of sympathy and empathy. My doctor doesn't "believe" in HRT and definitely won't prescribe estrogen replacement for someone with family history of breast cancer (which I have, although it's two generations back) due to increased risk. She actually suggested some of the popular herbal "remedies" but I ended up being allergic to them.
> 
> I also had a hysterectomy, uterus and cervix only, at a fairly young age (33). So difficult to tell when I officially entered menopause rather than cycling in and out of perimenopause, but I feel like I've been living in a stranger's body for the last 10 years. My ability to sleep tanked, my libido vanished, I suddenly became intolerant to caffeine and I'm always uncomfortably warmer than anyone else around me, Hot flashes have occasionally resulted in fainting. I already have severe osteoporosis and I'm not quite 60. And my complaints pale to what you're going through.
> 
> Keep trying to find a solution! I hope the new doc has better answers for you.


I really like the fact that you pointed out not being able to judge when menopause is happening. Not having your period removes that mental "clock" that women have about their bodies. Oh I feel bloated? Feeling weepy? I will be ok it's just my period coming. But when you don't get your period it's like wtf!!! Why do I feel this way? It really messes with your mental health at first. Then there's also regrets. No reproductive organs, no babies (I loved being pregnant so knowing I will never have that feeling again bums me out) and things like intolerance to things you once enjoyed like coffee... All I can tell OP is it is okay to feel the loss and adjusting to the new normal is VERY hard. If you can find a little humor in things personally I like to give the tampon aisle a big middle finger when I grocery shop. It's oddly satisfying...


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

My wife's completely lost it with the menopause. She was bad before, she is really struggling now.


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> My wife's completely lost it with the menopause. She was bad before, she is really struggling now.


I've known that to happen for some women, sadly.

If I hadn't lived in a female body for so many years I probably wouldn't believe how much control hormones exert over your functioning, your wellbeing, and especially your emotions. PMS messed up my digestive system for several days, like clockwork, month after month. I would burst into tears _for absolutely no reason_ in the days leading up to my period, and I am a pretty stoic sort, not weepy at all.

Menopause was a new dimension unto itself. Take everything you thought you knew about your body and turn it upside down.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Thank you all for all your thoughts and comments. I am still hoping for a light at the end of this dark tunnel. 

It's scary how suddenly our lives can change so quickly. I never understood mental illnesses until it affected me. Keep well everyone.

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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

OP if you suffer from anxiety I would like to suggest you trie passionflower as a remedy.
Passionflower is very powerfull. I take passionflower myself due to severe anxiety and it helped me survive. Passionflower is scientifically known to regulate GABBA. GABBA is a methabolic pathway in organism that regulates sleep and feeling relaxed. Although it's researched and has proven impact in feeling relaxed as it is herbal it doesn't get promotion by the pharma industry.
But it works. Believe me.
I wouldn't be alife without this wonderful herb.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

I am male and have been through menopause or andropause for most of 2020, so I very much understand how you feel. The emotions were hell for me and still are to some extent. You have my full sympathy.

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. The cancer thrives on testosterone so a common treatment is (hopefully) reversible chemical castration. This causes male menopause with all the symptoms.

I can completely understand that loss of estogen and your other medical issues you face would cause what you are experiencing. About half of men with prostate cancer are given hormone treatment and many of their relationships fall apart. Some tell their wives to go find a better life elsewhere.

I and many others end up working with mental health professionals to deal with the turmoil. I began having full body Swedish relaxation massage to escape the tension of the emotions and depression, something I would NEVER have done in the past, but now I need it. I've found it calming and helped me get through bad moments. It's worth a try if you haven't already.

The local cancer center asked me to enroll in a study of the effects of exercise on balance problems men have after hormone treatment. It seems to be helpful. I hate exercise, but gotta do it.

I have tried antidepessants in the past, but all they seemed to do was kill my libido. For the life of me, I can't figure how losing libido helps with depression. I have a bottle of yet another antidepressant sitting on my cabinet shelf that supposedly does not affect libido, but I have found massage gives me enough relief that the bottle sits there unopened.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

elliblue said:


> OP if you suffer from anxiety I would like to suggest you trie passionflower as a remedy.
> Passionflower is very powerfull. I take passionflower myself due to severe anxiety and it helped me survive. Passionflower is scientifically known to regulate GABBA. GABBA is a methabolic pathway in organism that regulates sleep and feeling relaxed. Although it's researched and has proven impact in feeling relaxed as it is herbal it doesn't get promotion by the pharma industry.
> But it works. Believe me.
> I wouldn't be alife without this wonderful herb.


Thank you. I think I have some passion flower here so will give it a try.

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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Julie's Husband said:


> I am male and have been through menopause or andropause for most of 2020, so I very much understand how you feel. The emotions were hell for me and still are to some extent. You have my full sympathy.
> 
> I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. The cancer thrives on testosterone so a common treatment is (hopefully) reversible chemical castration. This causes male menopause with all the symptoms.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry to hear about the cancer diagnosis and everything you are going through too. Massages usually hurt me and in crippling pain afterwards. Maybe I can find someone who does extra gentle massage. Glad the massage helps you. 

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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> I'm sorry to hear about the cancer diagnosis and everything you are going through too. Massages usually hurt me and in crippling pain afterwards. Maybe I can find someone who does extra gentle massage. Glad the massage helps you.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


I'm pretty much through the cancer treatment thanks to early diagnosis. Now I'm evangelistic about trying to help others get through the effects of "losing their manhood" and living with some of the things you describe.

What causes the pain in having massage? Have you tried Swedish relaxation massage? I think many therapists trend to sports massage and such. I have an ongoing conversation with my therapist about what is working, what is not, what is painful and what I am comfortable with. I am very modest so my comfort level with touch varies from day to day.


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