# And on the 7th year, God Said; "let there be No Mother, and it was sown..."



## Seven of Luck (Jul 12, 2012)

Where do I start? Today I suppose.

It's my 3.5 day off from work. My kids caught a fever and had to stay home from school & daycare. I have 2 children, 5 year old daughter, and 2 year old son.

Their mother? She's living with her new Boyfriend that started out as an EA and turned PA at somepoint. She was living with me before the EA, and during. I sure as hell hoped that I was man enough to have her move before it turned PA, but my gut says: "No".

It's been nearly a month since their Mother has came by to see them. I took them to her 2 nights ago because they got sick and wanted to see their mom. I finally was able to have her tell me the address of where her boyfriend lives. The kids spent about an hour with her before I gave her a ride to meet up with her BF.

I'm 28, she's 24. We wanted to start a family when we first met. We had a miscarriage the first time we tried. Though she gave birth our little girl in 2007. She has been a 24/7 mother since the very beginning. Now, she off having the free life she never got. It's identical to a MLC. My theory; if you cram enough crap down your pipe in enough time, MLC can happen earlier then 'Mid'.

I'm at a loss. Even though I do count my blessing and all that I've gained. I'm still in love with her. How couldn't I be? This is the woman I wanted to have children with and spend the rest of our days together. Now to think of her spreading herself for another man cringes my very soul.

She was abusive to us, and I am a very passive person that can have a temper when provoked. Even though I "am to blame for everything". I can feel she's manipulated a very big portion to how she made her escape plan. I beat myself up for allowing the most smallest of things contribute to this new relationship of hers.

Now, she still wants to see the kids. But on her terms. Her time, her schedule, her buddies, and w/ her boyfriend. What hurts most is that she's already calling him "Her New Family". She's a single child with mentally ill parents. At least one is legally ill, and the other ditched the USA and went to go live in Brazil shortly after my wife has ran away from home to come live with me. Other then aunts and cousins, she has no close family, and even those relative's aren't close.

Jeez, I didn't want to write a book again so I'll stick to the main points.


 I have anxiety and depression, although not diagnosed. They come onset along side the highs and lows of my sugar levels that are due to the type 1 diabetes I struggle with chronically.
 I am not doing a great job at keeping up the house
 I've been doing the 180, although at this point it seems pointless.
 She seems quite content in her new life. Stepping into their space, and seeing the bed they share now, leaves a larger hole within me.
 I am happy when I have hope for us, but very gloom when I start to accept the reality of it all.
 I am constantly reminded of her because of the kids and her lack of attention to them.
 I've been trying to meet new girls/women (online). But those are mundane. Although i don't have any other time to socialize. 
 Regardless of the last point, I feel the love I have for my wife, their mother, is all too genuine for me to let go so easily.
 I fear she is going through her own mental issues, and I am compassionate to forgive her actions. But I am still choosing to suffer with this pain. As they say: "Love is a choice..."


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

*Re: And on the 7th year, God Said; "let there be No Mother, and it was sown..."*

I'm so sorry you are in this situation, for you and your children.
Do you have any family or friends that you can talk to or who can help you out with the children?
Try and get yourself into a good routine. Routine is very important for children. It will give them security and comfort.
As far as the housekeeping is concerned, prioritise. Make sure the children have clean clothes and bedding and that you have food in the cupboards for them. Make sure dishes are done everyday. For the rest, make yourself a rota. Involve the children. Don't let the housework overwhelm you. Prioritise.

You need to look after yourself. Get plenty of rest and Excersise. Eat well.
You need to be strong now for yourself and your little ones. They need you and have only you to rely on. You can do it! You will be rewarded ten fold when your children grow into strong confident young people. It's too soon to meet anyone else yet. You need to heal yourself first and meeting someone so soon will be more confusing for your children. There's plenty of time for that!

If you are struggling, please ask for help, there is no shame in that!
Keep posting here for support.
Be strong my friend!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Seven of Luck (Jul 12, 2012)

*Re: And on the 7th year, God Said; "let there be No Mother, and it was sown..."*

Thank you for your reply.

Grandma live's close by and is my only outside help. I don't have many friends. The one friend, who was more my wife's friend, was helping babysitting as my wife went to school. She has since left the scene all together as well due to my wife under appreciating what was being provide by her services. 

We have routine: at least for the day part. We wake up around 7, get ready for school/day care. My daughter goes to KG at 7:45, i get my son to DayCare soon after, and I'm at work from 8:30-5:30. When I get home, there's barley enough time to make dinner and get ready for bed so we can all get enough rest for the next day. 
Weekends prove harder because there's so much more time to think about things...

I have been able to keep up (for the most part) on clothing and dishes. The rest of the house is just misplaced. I do struggle with keeping food in the cupboards, or at least easy access snack items. 

I am struggling with all aspects. But what type help do I ask for?

I can barley afford the daycare. When I say barley, I mean I am in the whole, and it will be a month or so until I'm out of the neg with our financials. Their mother hasn't contributed a dime since she's left.

I know I need to BE Strong. But my challenge is not doing strong things, or having strength first. Even though I know it starts with BEing strong...


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

*Re: And on the 7th year, God Said; "let there be No Mother, and it was sown..."*

Seven. I hope my post didn't come across as being uncaring. I really feel for you and your situation. It sounds like you are on the right road. Its tough
Having to take on the role of a sole parent while struggling with the
Emotional fallout that your wife has left behind. You should give yourself a big
Pat on the back for keeping it together. Your little ones are going through a lot too. I'm sure they miss their mum so remember to give lots of cuddles and, reassurance to them
And try not to get too bogged down with the housework and make time for play and fun times.
Create new and happy memories for your kids.

I'm not sure where you live so am unable to give advice on the support that might be out there for you, but if you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed and or depressed then please visit a
Doctor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Seven of Luck (Jul 12, 2012)

*Re: And on the 7th year, God Said; "let there be No Mother, and it was sown..."*

Thank you Daisy. You're post didn't come across as being uncaring; I apologize if I conveyed such. All signs are pointing towards me seeing a doctor/counselor. Although I don't seem to carry enough motivation towards taking those steps, or how to begin...

Thank you, truly.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

*Re: And on the 7th year, God Said; "let there be No Mother, and it was sown..."*

I understand I really do.
My H and I separated last year for 4 months. He had an A with a co worker. I was absolutely devastated for
A long time. The only reason I got out of bed in the morning was for my children. But then I slowly realised that was the BEST reason to get out of bed. I put my energy into being the best parent I could be for them. My daughter was devastated, she adored her dad. We cried together many nights, but we also laughed together and became much closer because of it.
H and I have been back together for 6 months and it's going well.

Visiting the Dr is a good step. I also had IC and it really helped me.
Keep your head up my friend. Your children will be eternally grateful to you.
Let you wife carry on with her drama and be thankful not to be part of it!
Let your children be your motivation for now at least!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

*Re: And on the 7th year, God Said; "let there be No Mother, and it was sown..."*

My first piece of advice is to let your wife go. She's living with the OM and the chances of R are so slim, you can't afford to put your energy into them.

Next, you've got to get help. There must be a family services or child protective services you can contact -- they can put you in touch with local resources, support groups, if there are $$ available to subsidize childcare, afterschool programs, lunches this is the time to find out. Do you (or grandma) belong to a church? Reach out to the pastor/ priest/ rabbi. See if you can get counseling or help with child care.

Are you on good terms with your wife's family? Try contacting them. 

Daisygirl gives good advice. Your job now is to get up every morning because your kids need you and to make it through that day. Go see a doctor and see about antidepressants. It's not uncommon for a major, stressful event to trigger a depressive episode and a doctor may be able to help.

I truly wish you the best


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

*Re: And on the 7th year, God Said; "let there be No Mother, and it was sown..."*

Seven of Luck,

Once you start loving yourself, you'll be able to quit loving someone who treats you like dirt.

From your short description of what her family was like, she's likely a very angry person. Any effort you made to "make her happy" was pointless, misdirected as it was.

Get into counseling quickly.

Let the counselor know you have codependency issues.


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## Seven of Luck (Jul 12, 2012)

*Re: And on the 7th year, God Said; "let there be No Mother, and it was sown..."*

Sooo

It's been two months since we actually had a conversation about our situation. She invited me to an performance event she coordinated and performed in. Afterwords she requested to talk to me.

She finally admitted to sleeping with the OM while she was living with me. Saying she justified it because she was "done" and we were only roommates. As our conversation unraveled she admitted to her sense of guilt and disease in herself for her recent choices and actions. Talking about how hyprocritcal it was of her.

During the convo, we were interrupted by the OM. Coming by to check on her during on convo, then awkwardly sticking around as if to listen in on the rest of our convo. 

I looked at him and asked if there was anything else he need at that momement as we were still in the middle of talking. At that point he avoided my question and went on to utter how "I could give a **** less about you. My only concern is her and the kids" He went on to threaten me saying "i've done worse things to people"
I at least stood my ground and looked him straight in the eye and said if he had something to say then say it. 

Anyway. The night was interesting none the less. I recieved a text from him the next morning attempting to apologize for the night getting heated. I didn't respond. She then texted me the next morning, today. Thanking me again for coming to her show and talking with her. Then went on to ask what my plans were for halloween and said she wanted to enjoy halloween.

I asked her if she would like to come trick or treating with us and she said "Yes... I'm apprehensive but my heart says yes"

I'm not sure if this is any bit of hope for us to become closer together. As she said that night we talked she already flew out to NY and met his parents, and they are coming to town for Thanksgiving and wanted to have the kids that week.

I'm not sure how to analyze the whole situation that unfolded, and i know those here will be more challenged to as there isn't as much information to go on. But for some reason her energy seemed to shift that night. 

All of a sudden she wants to spend the holiday with us? Did she the uglyness in the OM when he came and interrupted us, when i was telling her the opposite about how if he makes her happy, I want her to be happy. Then saw a new found respect for me when I didn't fold over when my dignity was threaten?

Should I look into spending time this halloween with her anymore then her wanted to spend time with her kids, even though she stated she wanted more time alone with them, but knowingly she will be around me that night...?

Did she come out of the fog just a little bit, or perhaps the affair spark finally died when she admitted everything and saw my pain and how it effected me. I did shed tears but it wasn't a sob. I was crying through both joy and hurt, telling her our miraculous life is, and how no matter what our choices are we will never be rid of each other. I was confident, real, and held strength in my own.

The conversation over text this morning went on a bit longer without qural. and she even went on to say "he can take me, but i would understand if you want it to just be us and the kids" where as before she had been really adamant about him being present in other situations. 

Anyone have any thoughts or input on this? Please, feel free to ask me if you need more details! i'm at work atm and can only type so much 

Thanks in advance!


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