# Wife wants me to disown my family



## genesisdj (Apr 7, 2014)

So this all starting getting worse after my sister died last year of cancer. It is only was only me and my sister and my parents are 67 and a mess. I have a niece and a nephew that are teenagers and having a tough time coping as well. My parents are struggling as I am as well. I still cannot believe she is gone. Well two months after my sister died my brother in law starting dating. 9 months later he is remarried to a girl who needed a green card. So needless to say that made things tough with him and my parents. Well my parents have been fighting a lot more and my wife doesn't want our kids around them. I talked to my parents and told them to tone it down in front of the kids and at events. I said you can vent to me on the phone or email but not in front of any of the kids. 

Well this past weekend my wife invited my brother in law and his new wife to a party at our house. It has only been a year and 4 months since my sister has passed. I personally don't want to have anything to do with them. He is not my brother and as long as I see the niece and nephew I am ok with that. But my wife doesn't want to be the one who doesn't invite them. My mom came, but was very upset. My dad couldn't take it and didn't go to the party. Me and my mom were polite and said hi to the new wife, but really didn't look her in the eye much or converse with her. I kept things short, because I am still not ok with it. My mom was not the best either but didn't get nasty. 

Now my wife wants me to disown my side of the family because I act different when my mom is around and would never do that otherwise. I know I should side my wife, which I always do but do you think I am crazy?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think that all of you need to give yourselves a break. You have and an emotional year after the death of your sister. Inviting your BIL and his new wife was obviously too much for and your parents.


How about you ask your wife to give you and your family another year to get used to life without your sis? It seems to me that there is a lot of rushing going on. 

Take a break where your wife has as little exposure to your family as possible. 

You disowning your family is not going to solve any problems... it will create more because it will be as though your entire family died. Not going to work.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

No of course you don't disown your family. Seems like a way over the top request by your wife.

Sorry about the loss of your sister. I can imaging that it seems your BIL is very disrespectful but is that really the case? I read somewhere that it is very common for widowed men to marry again quickly to mask the pain of loss. No idea if that's what happened here or not but may be something to consider if, to the best of your knowledge, he was a good and loving husband to your sister.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I have also read that when a widowed man has had a good marriage he will often remarry quickly. His wife taught him the value of a good marriage and after she died he craves/needs that. I could be a complement to your sister.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

OP I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. I have 2 brothers, and if something happened to either of them, I don't know what I'd do 

I have the inlaws from h ell, I can't stand them, but even to me your wife's request seems unreasonable.

Have there been issues between your wife and parents before? Or is it just because of what's happening now?

I do agree your parents need to not argue in front of the kids...

I'm speechless that your BIL is already remarried...wtf???


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

OP, don't listen to your wife and simply tell her what you feel (whatever that might be).

As for your family, let them be, things will work out. Just focus on your family (wife/kids) and do your best to spend time with your direct family as well.

But just don't go over there and try to solve their problems, they need to do that themselves. Just be supportive and talk to them here and there. You already addressed the fight/kids situation so just hope that dies down.

It's unfair for your wife to ask that. I can understand if they are criminals or abusive or something along the line but your reasons don't even come CLOSE to "disowning them"


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## Advocado (Feb 24, 2010)

genesisdj said:


> Now my wife wants me to disown my side of the family *because I act different when my mom is around and would never do that otherwise. * I know I should side my wife, which I always do but do you think I am crazy?



Did you wife explain *specifically *what it is about your behaviour that she find so awful that you must disown your side of the family? 

I am wondering if it is about you and your mom acting/feeling awkward around your brother in law and his wife. If yes, have you or your wife considered distancing yourselves from the brother in law and his wife, but staying in touch with your parents. If your sister's children are teenagers, hopefully you can keep in touch with them without too much involvement with the brother in law and his new wife (maybe via text, e-mail to arrange handovers/meet ups with the teenage kids, but no need to actually spend any real time around brother in law).

So is your wife okay with your behaviour around your parents and nephew/niece? If brother in law has thus far always been present when you see your sister's children and your parents, try and see how things are when brother in law is out of the picture. I am assuming that you are okay with having less contact with BIL, but do correct me if I'm wrong. 

Whatever, from what you say it seems very insensitive for wife to be giving you this sort of ultimatum. 

I am sorry for your loss.


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