# Wife cheated, moved out.



## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

I never thought this would happen to us. I've been married for 12 years with my W and thinking how great our marriage is. We have one beautiful son, good jobs and I would say a pretty active social life we share. She teaches and I'm an engineer but we always manage to make time to spend together. We've just had a great holiday seeing the olympics live in London. She seemed to be herself and if anything was even more intimate and loving. After the holiday we uploaded some photos on my facebook. Few days later, in every photo with just us together one woman kept liking each photo and writing how great and amazing we are that it just became weird and akward. It was one of my Wife's workmate's wife who we got along with but hardly knew. I inboxed her a few days later to stop (in a jokey way) and she responded saying how my wife needed to stop seeing her husband. I told her to 'stop talking ****'. Called my wife up to read it and I could tell then that something definetly was wrong. Ended up admitting she slept with some guy from work. I said nothing, packed some stuff and left for my sister's house. Spoke to her on the phone and we're going to meet up to talk. I found this site and the advice seems good. I don't know wat to do. I love her but can't see us being the same after this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Move back in. She adulterated, she can move out. If you don't want to reconcile, file for divorce and don't waste any time. Do you want to reconcile?


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

jkak said:


> I love her but can't see us being the same after this.


It will never be the same.

Even if you find a way to forgive, and even if she wants to stay with you.

Two big 'ifs' and then a ton of hurdles after that.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Move back in. She adulterated, she can move out. If you don't want to reconcile, file for divorce and don't waste any time. Do you want to reconcile?


I do but not straight away. How do I tell her to move out. What if she refuses?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ If she refuses, MAKE HER. 

Not by violence but by attitude and demeanor. When a person isn't kidding and is aggressively dominant, people pick up on it quickly.

Exert yourself and make a stand. Kick her out, and if she wants to stand around like a mannequin than pack her stuff up and toss it on the lawn and she'll get moving pretty quickly.

Tell her that what she did is completely unacceptable and that you do not want and will not tolerate her presence in your home. Tell her that since she decided to walk out of the marriage she walk out of the door just the same. 

She cheated on you, and she defiled the marriage and cheated on the family. 

Kick her out. Theres no reason for you to be crashing at your sister's house when you did nothing wrong.

When a person has an affair never let them stay in the house or normal routine. This promotes rugsweeping and a loss of respect for the betrayed spouse if they let the wayward wife/husband kick back and relax in the marital home after disrespecting everyone in it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Is she remorseful? Based on the tone of your post it doesn't sound like it, but it's hard to tell.

No reconciliation is possible without "no-contact" being in place. So, bottom line, if she still works with him, she's still having an affair. It's as simple as that. If she doesn't quit her job then she isn't remorseful no matter what she says or how many tears are shed.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

jkak said:


> I do but not straight away. How do I tell her to move out. What if she refuses?


Just tell her she needs to get her own place and the kid is staying with you. You can't actually make her leave, legally, but you can probably get her to leave by taking action similar to what Kasler says above.

If you want to get her back, you need to try to engage her Limbic brain, which is where female sexual attraction lies. Read up on this and learn how to push her buttons. Roissy, Married Man Sex Life, No More Mr. Nice Guy are what you should be reading.

Typically, a woman will start losing attraction for even the best guy at 4-7 years into a relationship, unless the male, or better yet outside females, are doing something to maintain her attraction to him. You wife has lost sexual attraction for you. It's a process that usually involves devaluing you, first unconciously then consciously once she decides to F others. The reading list above will show you how to counteract that female tendency. 

The first thing is to start upping your sex rank. Get new clothes, new hair, start working out for physique, not strength. Bodybuilding (natural) in other words. Once you move in, don't stick around in the evenings. Announce you're going out, then do it. Go listen to bands or something. Dress and look sharp when you leave. You want to destablize the status quo (as if your wife hadn't already capsized it); you want her to wonder what you're up to. If she thinks other women are interested, she takes her cue from other women you know, she'll start getting interested in you. This is all very primal stuff. Learn about it.

While you're doing that, start getting the divorce stuff together, you don't have to file yet, just let her know you're getting it together. It's the Alpha response to adultery and will make you more attractive.

Women don't really want squishy males, despite their claims to the contrary. Find out where you are in the male sexual hierarchy and adjust accordingly.

Moving away will attract her to you. This actually works better if you're under the same roof, though.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Is she remorseful? Based on the tone of your post it doesn't sound like it, but it's hard to tell.
> 
> No reconciliation is possible without "no-contact" being in place. So, bottom line, if she still works with him, she's still having an affair. It's as simple as that. If she doesn't quit her job then she isn't remorseful no matter what she says or how many tears are shed.


Correct. The brain sex chemistry mix gets fired up every time she's around or thinks of OM. Sex with new guys is like crack for women. Dopamine and norepinephrine seal the deal. Since they don't use rubbers, she can absorb mood elevating chemicals contained in semen. Remember those jokes about the old hag in the office having got laid over the weekend because she floats in on Cloud 9 on Monday morning. Those weren't jokes, they were scientific facts.

Somebody has to quit work.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

Kasler said:


> ^ If she refuses, MAKE HER.
> 
> Not by violence but by attitude and demeanor. When a person isn't kidding and is aggressively dominant, people pick up on it quickly.
> 
> ...


Ok, so be assertive. But it will be difficult since she has no inlaws nearby but if she cares she'll budge.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also expose the affair to friends and coworkers. In this case especially coworkers. If there ever will be an R she must quit working with the OM.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Is she remorseful? Based on the tone of your post it doesn't sound like it, but it's hard to tell.
> 
> No reconciliation is possible without "no-contact" being in place. So, bottom line, if she still works with him, she's still having an affair. It's as simple as that. If she doesn't quit her job then she isn't remorseful no matter what she says or how many tears are shed.


She was crying and pleading while I was packing so she obviously cares. But how can someone betray their spouse then act like nothing has happened. No clues whatsoever. It's like I don't know her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Call the other mans wife and compare notes...thank her for finally telling you but now we need each others support for our marriages.

Inform her that you were blindsided and didn't have any suspicions that this was going on.

Ask when she 1st have her suspions and when she believed it started. Ask if she know idf it was just emotional or if it went physical.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

It's always like that J, that's why it's called betrayal.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

jkak said:


> She was crying and pleading while I was packing so she obviously cares. But how can someone betray their spouse then act like nothing has happened. No clues whatsoever. It's like I don't know her.


Read Sex at Dawn, Red Queen, of Sperm Wars. A lot of that is speculation, but gives a lot of insight. Your wife's actions are those of about half of the married female population in the English speaking world. In other words, pretty standard behavior.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

jkak said:


> She was crying and pleading while I was packing so she obviously cares. But how can someone betray their spouse then act like nothing has happened. No clues whatsoever. It's like I don't know her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She was probably crying and pleading because you busted her perfect little secret involving all the perks of marriage with a man on the side too.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

the guy said:


> Call the other mans wife and compare notes...thank her for finally telling you but now we need each others support for our marriages.
> 
> Inform her that you were blindsided and didn't have any suspicions that this was going on.
> 
> Ask when she 1st have her suspions and when she believed it started. Ask if she know idf it was just emotional or if it went physical.


OMW is your natural ally in this and obviously a great source of information. She did you a great service.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Just tell her she needs to get her own place and the kid is staying with you. You can't actually make her leave, legally, but you can probably get her to leave by taking action similar to what Kasler says above.
> 
> If you want to get her back, you need to try to engage her Limbic brain, which is where female sexual attraction lies. Read up on this and learn how to push her buttons. Roissy, Married Man Sex Life, No More Mr. Nice Guy are what you should be reading.
> 
> ...


I'll have a look at your suggestions but I don't want her back because i've triggered something in her brain or because i've followed a book. If we stay together, I want her to be with me for me. Thanks for the advice though, it's good to get this perspective. I felt bad for leaving without really saying anything but now I feel bad that I never kicked her out. I will definetly be telling her divorce is a strong possibility.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Machiavelli said:


> OMW is your natural ally in this and obviously a great source of information. She did you a great service.


Now its time to compare notes!
I'm curious as if the OMW(other mans wife) knows it was a PA(physical affair) and how long it was going on.

But back to the matter at hand, What you need to do next is get your strength up and show her a confident man that will not share his wife. 

Never beg or cry for the marriage, if this happens walk away, do not show your wife how weak you really feel. she need to be scared that you can let her go if it continues.

BTW, I would rather live in my car then have my FWW(former wayward wife) continue to work with OM (other man). my marraige is worth more then money, thtas for sure.
Beside macorronie and cheese is not that bad, If my wife didn't crap were she eats she could have kept her job and we'd still be eating steak.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I am betting it is more then just the one time. When a WS is caught they very rarley admit to everything up front. They want to see what little they can get away with.

A with teachers is very common and the advice was right she needs to work somewhere else if you want to R with the wife

You have been in contact with the AP's wife talk with her and see what else you can find out. I am betting a bit more then you know. 

Expose the affair to your friends, her co workers and your families. Affairs live in the land of unicorns and rainbows. Even if your wife tells you that she will never speak to this guy again. Do not belive it. She is in a fog and you have to jolt her out of it. Exposure and Divorce papers most often do the trick.

You need to take care of yourself this is a tramatic time for you. sleeping eating and rational thoughts are very hard to come by right now. Get into IC as soon as you can and you need to get checked for STD's. And whatever you do no sex with the wife until she is checked herself and given you proof.

This will be hard on your kid as well. Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for your kid right now.

Also I know you are upset keep a calm tone when talking with your WS. Cool and Calm is what you need right now.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

the guy said:


> Call the other mans wife and compare notes...thank her for finally telling you but now we need each others support for our marriages.
> 
> Inform her that you were blindsided and didn't have any suspicions that this was going on.
> 
> Ask when she 1st have her suspions and when she believed it started. Ask if she know idf it was just emotional or if it went physical.


I inboxed other man's wife on facebook and apologised then thanked her. I told her I left and that my wife confessed she slept with him but that that's all I know. She's saying there's a lot more and kicked him out weeks ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

the guy said:


> Call the other mans wife and compare notes...thank her for finally telling you but now we need each others support for our marriages.
> 
> Inform her that you were blindsided and didn't have any suspicions that this was going on.
> 
> Ask when she 1st have her suspions and when she believed it started. Ask if she know idf it was just emotional or if it went physical.


I inboxed other man's wife on facebook and apologised then thanked her. I told her I left and that my wife confessed she slept with him but that that's all I know. She's also kicked him out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

One more thing here, by going back home and asking her to leave the marital home, its a strong statement that you confident in letting her go if she continues the A (affair).

Make no mistake A are addicting, I for one would ask her to leave and hope she stays but you must show her a perception on how confident you are in not tolorating sharing her with OM. The confidence you show ( calm but firm) your WW (wayward wife) will make it damb clear that you will divorce her.

So the point is while you deside to D or R she must have no contact with OM, and that will be hard since its a co worker.

I guess your 1st topic of discussion with WW is she willing to quit her job? this is a catch 22 cuz if she lose her job you pay her more money in the D....If she stays she will continuelly have a daily reminder of OM and the A could reignite months down the road.

So if you want D she keeps her job.....If you want R she loose her job.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

jkak said:


> I inboxed other man's wife on facebook and apologised then thanked her. I told her I left and that my wife confessed she slept with him but that that's all I know. She's saying there's a lot more and kicked him out weeks ago.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


before you make any life changing disicions then you better get with OMW and get her side of the complete story. Then ask your wife for the truth.

Do not tell your wife you are meeting OMW...in fact you may want to take a day or two to compile the info and come up with a plan before you talk to WW....you already left but you could still move back , just stay dark and distance your self from WW.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

jkak said:


> She was crying and pleading while I was packing so she obviously cares. But how can someone betray their spouse then act like nothing has happened. No clues whatsoever. It's like I don't know her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That's because you don't know her. At this point, the ball's in her court to come to you and convince you to stay in the marriage. If you can't seem to find something in her that would make you want to stay, the conclusion is obvious.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

jkak said:


> She was crying and pleading while I was packing so she obviously cares. But how can someone betray their spouse then act like nothing has happened. No clues whatsoever. It's like I don't know her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can be guilt of getting caught. Or her fantasy busting up. You never know. 

How long was she cheating on you? It looks like a long time affair. talk to the OMW. Ask your wife to come completely clean(though you cannot trust her until you can verify it). If you have access to her mail, check them out for evidence. Forward any evidence to your mail. If she has an iphone, you can retrieve the deleted texts to know the extent of her betrayal.

Read the newbie link

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...e-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739


Get tested for STDs


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You are not the only one to be blindsided, your WW needs alot of IC(individual counseling) to understand it her self.

It will take a professional to get that out of her...you know the why and how come.

For now be prepared to hear her tell you about how its your fault and she doen't know why. Be prepared to hear here rewrite history and make the marriage out to be some ughly thing and she wasn't happy for years.
You will get the "we just started out as friends" and "I didn't mean it to happen" 

Remember one thing here, no matter how unhappy or how bad the marriage was and how hard she tries to lesson her own guilt, SHE MADE THE *CHOICE* TO HANDLE THESE ISSUES HER OWN WAY AND HID IT FROM YOU. This is not your fault, she could left the "bad marriage" she could have gone to IC for her depression/unhappiness...instead she commited adultory and used it as a bandaid.....she made a choice in how she handled her own issues and keep it from you.

Point her is don't let her bull crap you into thinking its you!


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> She was probably crying and pleading because you busted her perfect little secret involving all the perks of marriage with a man on the side too.


I would have thought having an affair while married would be the opposite of 'perfect'. She always said she would rather end a relationship first than cheat on a partner. Now I know that's bull.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Now you also know you cannot trust a word she says for quite some time or for the rest of your life


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

jkak said:


> I would have thought having an affair while married would be the opposite of 'perfect'. She always said she would rather end a relationship first than cheat on a partner. Now I know that's bull.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's the opposite of perfect to loyal monogamous people. But to cheaters they get all the benefits with sex on the side. I'm sorry you're going through this, I wouldn't trust her word for anything right now. I wish you the best, if you noticed my screen name then you know I've been through a similar situation myself.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

the guy said:


> Now its time to compare notes!
> I'm curious as if the OMW(other mans wife) knows it was a PA(physical affair) and how long it was going on.
> 
> But back to the matter at hand, What you need to do next is get your strength up and show her a confident man that will not share his wife.
> ...


I'm not the tough guy type but there's no way I'd nevep beg and cry when I've done nothing wrong. Going to meet her this evening and I feel a lot more confident about it.
Other wife knows it was physical
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

And please brace yourself, you don't have the full truth yet. She will trickle the truth to you. Like others have said, make some time to talk to the OM's wife and find out what she knows.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

MrsOldNews said:


> It's the opposite of perfect to loyal monogamous people. But to cheaters they get all the benefits with sex on the side. I'm sorry you're going through this, I wouldn't trust her word for anything right now. I wish you the best, if you noticed my screen name then you know I've been through a similar situation myself.


You can not trust her, so talking to her now is just blah, blah blah...I sugest you get with OMW ASAP and get her side of the story 1st.

Then you can come pare what your wife is telling you and what OM is telling his BW (betrayed wife).


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

jkak said:


> I would have thought having an affair while married would be the opposite of 'perfect'. She always said she would rather end a relationship first than cheat on a partner. Now I know that's bull.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She would rather YOU end the relationship than YOU cheat on her. The rules for her are different.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

donders said:


> It will never be the same.
> 
> Even if you find a way to forgive, and even if she wants to stay with you.
> 
> Two big 'ifs' and then a ton of hurdles after that.


It IS possbile to reconcile, but only with hard work and if both of you really want it.

Get back into your house (she cheats SHE leaves!) and compare notes with OMs wife.

Get an STD check and try to sort out counselling for yourself and perhaps the children. Your wife cheated on them, too.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

If the OM's wife kicked him out -- that means he has his own place somewhere. Put on you thinking cap and go back and try to remember if she was ever gone for a long period of time, starting an arguement with you and then leaving, etc.

Since OM's wife said you don't know the whole story -- be prepared for the worse -- and be prepared that you wife will agree to move out -- and you probably know where she will be staying.

Good luck !!


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Yes, if you kick her out, she will move in with OM.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

jkak said:


> I'll have a look at your suggestions but I don't want her back because i've triggered something in her brain or because i've followed a book. If we stay together, I want her to *be with me for me.*


These readings constitute the owner's manual that you have not had previously. Women follow their biological imperatives, whether we men approve of that primal agenda or not.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

jkak said:


> She always said *she would rather end a relationship first than cheat on a partne*r. Now I know that's bull.


It's not all bull. That was her Cortex talking and she believed every word of it right up until the time she made the decision to fvck OM. The problem is, the Cortex doesn't make those decisions, the Limbic does. Once done, the brain is dumping all kinds of high-making chemicals to make sure she goes back for more. That's when the rationalization hamster takes over. It tells her you really aren't the man for her or she would never have cheated. If you were giving her what she needed, she would never have cheated. OM, the adulterer, is a better man than you are. She makes you the villain. This is a standard process in a woman's head, trying to close the gap between the high marital ideals of the rational cortex and the slootishness of the limbic brain, which is the one in control.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

Yup, shaking again. Been going on since last october. She (OMW) doesn't know how long they've been sleeping for but they've slept a dozen times at least. My wife seduced him and made the first move, the woman who kisses my son goodnight. Don't think I can meet up with her in this state.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

That totally sucks. But just a little FYI, I would take the "wife seduced him" with a grain of salt. You're getting that from the OMW who has to tell herself that so she can sleep at night. And it's highly likely that her husband said that to her to minimize his own part. The woman being the seductress in this kind of case is highly unlikely.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Who told you this?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> That totally sucks. But just a little FYI, I would take the "wife seduced him" with a grain of salt. You're getting that from the OMW who has to tell herself that so she can sleep at night. And it's highly likely that her husband said that to her to minimize his own part. The woman being the seductress in this kind of case is highly unlikely.


Exactly. Yes, sometimes the woman is the pursuer in the sense that she'll put it out there, but there always comes a point where the man has to get in the driver's seat and take that woman. That's what she's looking for in the first place, a man who will dominate her, even if only in the fantasy world of the affair.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hopefully the OM will not be moving into your place with your wife?


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Who told you this?


other man's wife; we've been talking on facebook.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

She's getting her information from her cheating spouse who not surprisingly is trying to shift the blame to your wife and make himself out to be the victim of a manipulative seductress.


Don't believe everything you read even if it's on the internet and written by the betrayed spouse of the guy whose screwing your wife and telling his wife whatever he thinks will get him out of trouble the fastest.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> That totally sucks. But just a little FYI, I would take the "wife seduced him" with a grain of salt. You're getting that from the OMW who has to tell herself that so she can sleep at night. And it's highly likely that her husband said that to her to minimize his own part. The woman being the seductress in this kind of case is highly unlikely.


I don't know what to believe but I'll give my wife a chance to tell me everything. No bits and pieces but everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Go home. Kick her out. She does have another place to go to.

If she wont leave, just pack her stuff up. Put it in the car and dump it at the OM's place or in the garbage.

Protect your finances and assets now. For example, remove yourself from any joint bank accounts and credit cards.

Take back control.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

jkak said:


> I don't know what to believe but I'll give my wife a chance to tell me everything. No bits and pieces but everything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yeah, good luck with that. She hasnt been forthright for a long time, why should she start now? 

If you really think about it, now is the time she'll go into a defensive survival mode -- the less she tells you, the less you know, the less angry you'll be.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

sandc said:


> Yes, if you kick her out, she will move in with OM.


well, OMW is saying husband is trying to work things out with her and is doing everything she says.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

jkak said:


> well, OMW is saying husband is trying to work things out with her and is doing everything she says.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So OM and you wife have stopped the affair according to OM's wife -- yet they see each other at work and lunch, plus he is living on his own.

Don't believe at all what the OM is telling his wife. He is just covering his ass.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

aug said:


> Yeah, good luck with that. She hasnt been forthright for a long time, why should she start now?
> 
> If you really think about it, now is the time she'll go into a defensive survival mode -- the less she tells you, the less you know, the less angry you'll be.


now I know more about what went on, I won't leave till I've squeezed a every drop of information. Way I see it, if she wants this to work, she'll tell me everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

jh52 said:


> So OM and you wife have stopped the affair according to OM's wife -- yet they see each other at work and lunch, plus he is living on his own.
> 
> Don't believe at all what the OM is telling his wife. He is just covering his ass.


well, they're not seeing each other at work over their summer holiday. And when we were in London, she wasn't on the laptop at all so couldn't contact him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

well one easy way to get her to move out,is since she a teacher and she cheated with a co worker,idont think the higher ups at the school would look lightly on this. she either moves out,or you report her.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

They can't work together anymore.
Also they are now conocting stories.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

Hey guys, so we met up last night at our home. Spoke to my son first as I haven't seen him for days and has been asking where i've been. When my wife and I were alone she was sobbing the whole way through. Told her straight away that since she messed up, she moves out and that I've already prepared papers for divorce (which I haven't). At that point she looked scared and said she'll move out but pleaded that we can't split up the family and so readily divorce without giving her a 2nd chance. I held back from shouting some nasty words but told her firmly think carefully before answering. I want to know everything that happened, no p*ssyfooting as your answer will have a big impact on our future together. Said they'd only flirted from end of last year untill april when 'it kinda just happened' but only once! She said she found out that OM has slept with other teachers as well. She said she stopped it in june when she realised 'how stupid she'd been and couldn't bare to lose me and destroy her family'. The details of where they slept were not so forthcoming but as you can tell she did tell me quite a bit during our talk. I'm confused as I don't know if she's telling the truth or the OMW has got the details wrong. We talked about us and there were a few tears. She said she's certain she wants to be with me and that I did nothing wrong in the relationship. There are no texts or emails between them as they only talked at work and there are no strange calls on her phone bills but I know they could easily have still made contact and deleted records. I told her if I find out your lieing I can never trust you again and we'll have to split. She nodded, we hugged for a while and talked some more. She suggested we talk some more in bed but I slept on the couch. She's packing and staying over at a mutual friends place this evening. I'm lost at what to do now. I think I want her I want her back. Thanks for all the advice, really wouldn't be able to do what I did without it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ltj7708 (Mar 7, 2012)

Stay strong!


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

jkak said:


> Hey guys, so we met up last night at our home. Spoke to my son first as I haven't seen him for days and has been asking where i've been. When my wife and I were alone she was sobbing the whole way through. Told her straight away that since she messed up, she moves out and that I've already prepared papers for divorce (which I haven't). At that point she looked scared and said she'll move out but pleaded that we can't split up the family and so readily divorce without giving her a 2nd chance. I held back from shouting some nasty words but told her firmly think carefully before answering. I want to know everything that happened, no p*ssyfooting as your answer will have a big impact on our future together. Said they'd only flirted from end of last year untill april when 'it kinda just happened' but only once! She said she found out that OM has slept with other teachers as well. She said she stopped it in june when she realised 'how stupid she'd been and couldn't bare to lose me and destroy her family'. The details of where they slept were not so forthcoming but as you can tell she did tell me quite a bit during our talk. I'm confused as I don't know if she's telling the truth or the OMW has got the details wrong. We talked about us and there were a few tears. She said she's certain she wants to be with me and that I did nothing wrong in the relationship. There are no texts or emails between them as they only talked at work and there are no strange calls on her phone bills but I know they could easily have still made contact and deleted records. I told her if I find out your lieing I can never trust you again and we'll have to split. She nodded, we hugged for a while and talked some more. She suggested we talk some more in bed but I slept on the couch. She's packing and staying over at a mutual friends place this evening. I'm lost at what to do now. I think I want her I want her back. Thanks for all the advice, really wouldn't be able to do what I did without it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



If you do reconcile the most important thing for you to do is 

1) Get true remorse, not just D-Day remorse. Many spouses will cry rivers of tears and give a litany of apologies and then can't be assed to give a sh!t about the whole situation 3 months down the line, and just wish you would get over it already.

2) I'm not buying her "I ended it because I felt so bad sympathize with me" crap, especially with facebook friends commenting on her love life. Get the whole story, now. Meet the OMW

I remember a post on here with a man's recently wed wife saying she gave oral to OM, but then felt bad and didn't do vaginal sex. Turns out she said she liked OM. The OM said I'm attracted to you, but I don't like you in that way(I.E your kinda hot and I think I'd have sex with you but I don't want a relationship) after that she didn't care about him just wanting a sex and decided to blow him, couldn't get him off, offered him vaginal sex, but he said no. At that point there wasn't much else to do next really, and then reality hit her, and finally she left which is a far cry from what she told her betrayed husband.

3) It just happened *is nowhere near good enough* for reconciliation. If you allow her to just waltz back into the marriage with 'it just happened' as the reason whats to stop it from 'just happening' again? 
This is definitely a dealbreaker point. She has to come clean completely who, where, when, and most importantly, why.

4) Counseling to get the root of the matter and exactly why she did it. Once again it just happened is a bullsh!t excuse SOOO MANY cheaters use. Shes knows what happened but shes blocking it or just plain not admitting it. 

5) Consequences. You have to have her know that you're no joke, no chump, no cuckold, no plan B. That if she ever does any kind of crap relative to this you'll walk, and no sob story or crocodile tears will change that. Keep her out the house. A lot of cheaters will cry and beg for forgiveness and then be chatting up OM within two weeks after their spouses forgive them near instantly so you have to take a stand, especially since you threw out the divorce papers comment. If you don't act assertively she think you'll never leave her and that could lead to another affair. 

6) Clear transparency, and she can't be around OM, thats a definite problem. They had sex, that will always be between them, that will always link them. No contact and she has to get a new job because for obvious reasons she cannot be trusted while in close proximity of the OM.(also gauges her dedication to saving the mariage)

7) Theres a whole host of other requirements, but I'll leave it to other TAMinites so this post isn't too long.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Can't stress enough that she has to quit her job. That or he does. They can never have contact again.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

So the OM has slept with other teachers as well. Why am I not surprised.

You know your wife better than any of us here -- you have to decide what is best for YOU now --- whether it's R or D.

Whatever you decide -- your TAM friends will be here to give you advice --- and support.

Some here won't agree with how your proceed -- but that is okay as you will get both sides.

Just keep an open mind.

Good luck -- and take care of yourself during this trying time in your journey called life.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What would you think the OMW(whose source is the OM) tell you that she selpt with him a dozen times?

It is unlikely you are getting the whole truth here. Most cheaters trickle truth. You would be the exception if she didn't. Even in the best case, they lie because of misguided sense not to hurt you more than they already did.

Also, call and tell the OMW that he was sleeping with other teachers.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

jkak said:


> I don't want her back because i've triggered something in her brain or because i've followed a book.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah good luck with that.

Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.


The mind of a woman (or man) deep in an affair is a complex thing. If you really want to save your marriage follow these guys suggestions.

These guys have a system that works. You might think that your situation is unique. It's not. It is an absolute text book case which is following the same script seen dozens and dozens of time on this site.

I've got an awful feeling that you are not going to follow the guidelines that these guys give you and you will fail.

The affair could go underground for instance if you do not insist on full transparency. She will do her best to blame shift, manipulate you and gaslight you.

What the heck is wrong with reading a book? You are on the back foot here, you need to catch up quick.

You might feel a bit sceptical about reading Married Mans Sex Life and other things but not meaning to be harsh but look where your way of doing things has got you.

I hope I'm wrong and you really take to heart all the advice you are given because that is probably your only hope.

She is still lying "it was over in June and it was only the once" Facepalm facepalm facepalm.

I'll make a little prediction and if I was next to you I'd bet you a dollar that she does not want to expose. Any of you guys want to take me uo on that?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Before I would ever consider reconciliation,( which would never happen with me), I would ask the OMW just what it is about her H that she would consider staying with him in spite of is many affairs?
Perhaps he has something going for him that you don't and it would only be a matter of time before your cheating wife would be doing it elsewhere.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Also might be an idea to get OMW to talk to your WW and tell her that the OM has thrown her under the bus. And make sure you expose. This is not for the purpose of revenge it is to protect you.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She is going to have to leave that job. Now they most likely used school or your bed to hook up.

Or both.

Burn then bed and consider strongly reporting to the school district that the OM is using the classrooms to hook up with other teachers.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Someone is lying and you need to find out who it is. Your wife or OM?

Wife said sex one time. OMW said at least a 12 times she knows about. You need to find out if OMW thinks it was all with your wife or with other teachers.

Wife says sex "just happened" and was reluctant to give time and place. Probably because it was more than once and she hasn't contacted OM to get the story straight YET.

I know you want to R, but it will be a fake R if she is trickle-truthing you.

Plus - SHE HAS TO QUIT THE JOB. Can you work on R when you know she is in contact with him everyday? Do not lie to yourself.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Yeah good luck with that.
> 
> Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.
> 
> ...


I'll go with £1 Sterling on that one, mate!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> What would you think the OMW(whose source is the OM) tell you that she selpt with him a dozen times?
> 
> It is unlikely you are getting the whole truth here. Most cheaters trickle truth. You would be the exception if she didn't. Even in the best case, they lie because of misguided sense not to hurt you more than they already did.
> 
> Also, call and tell the OMW that he was sleeping with other teachers.


Unless OMW has your wife confused with one of his other APs? Oh my God!

You both need std tests ASAP.

Report his behaviour to the school board.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

jh52 said:


> So the OM has slept with other teachers as well. Why am I not surprised.
> 
> You know your wife better than any of us here -- you have to decide what is best for YOU now --- whether it's R or D.
> 
> ...


Met with OMW to chat to show me the proof she claimed to have when I inboxed her. Now I regret not getting all the facts and should've just cancelled meeting W. Really thought there was hope. 
I wanna beat the OM to a pulp. Met with OMW this afternoon and showed me texts and pics sent between OM and apparently my wife using another phone! I felt sick from reading it. She went into detail about what she was going to do him and how much sweeter he tastes, what the hell?? When did she become such a nympho. A liar she is, they were about 8 different sexual encounters and most of them before she would come home all 'tired' from work. She was even laughing how she got our carer to cover for her by having her pick her up when my W was supposed to. Told OMW about her H having other A's and she knows there was one before but they worked through it. My W has zero respect for our marriage and has zero chance to fix our marriage. How did this happen, we don't have huge arguements, our sex life is solid and we have tons of fun together. Thank goodness she's out the house. Separation is the only option but I feel so lost. I'm not a bad person did I really deserve this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

No you didn't diserve this and your women is just broken.

Its not your fault, and you will come out of this and be better off. in the long run.

Get out and start a hobby and get invloved.

Do not let your wifes evil define who you are and what you want to be. This is all on her, don't let it control your life. The best revenge is to go and live a good life and be better then you could ever imagine.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Hi
I just had a quick read through your thread and you were lucky enough to get some great advice which is designed to protect you.
You went full thermonuclear. 
This the fastest way to bust the fog.
You have a communication channel to the OMW. Use it.

It looks to me like the affair is over and the OM ditched her to work on his marriage, either that, or the OMW caught him and also went nuclear. 
Either way they are both having consequences dumped on them so fast they don't know what hit them

My advice now. slow down. You are not in a position at the moment to make ANY life changing decisions.
You are going to hit the anger stage just_about_now and that can make you do thing you later regret.

Go and see your Doctor and get some meds for anxiety. This will help you use your head to think and not your heart. 

This does not mean that you will allow rug sweeping and or just forgive and forget. It will just let you think with a clear head. I would not throw her out. If you do that R will be much harder.

Keep checking with the OMW but bear in mind she is also an emotional wreck and she may have her facts mixed up, especially if he was banging a few others too. DO NOT tell your wife anything. Only ask questions you already know the answer to. You can tell her you know everything, but don't reveal the extend and depth of information. 

This did not "Just happen" The woman you loved made a series of conscious decisions, from the first flirt, to the time she went in to a room with him and dropped her pants. She then decided to do it again. 
Sorry, bit this is the truth, hard as it i. She chose this.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Just remember that she said those things under the influence of some pretty strong chemicals. She was deep in the fog.

The big deal is that she looked you in the eye and told you she would give you the truth. Now you have to confront her and tell her you have all the details and ask if she wants to change her story.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

You posted while I was typing. Sort of makes the last paragraph more relevant than the rest..


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

jkak said:


> . I told her if I find out your lieing I can never trust you again and we'll have to split. She nodded, we hugged for a while and talked some more. She suggested we talk some more in bed but I slept on the couch. She's packing and staying over at a mutual friends place this evening. I'm lost at what to do now. I think I want her I want her back. Thanks for all the advice, really wouldn't be able to do what I did without it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Stupid women, had a chance to come clean and failed misserably.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

jkak said:


> Met with OMW to chat to show me the proof she claimed to have when I inboxed her. Now I regret not getting all the facts and should've just cancelled meeting W. Really thought there was hope.
> I wanna beat the OM to a pulp. Met with OMW this afternoon and showed me texts and pics sent between OM and apparently my wife using another phone! I felt sick from reading it. She went into detail about what she was going to do him and how much sweeter he tastes, what the hell?? When did she become such a nympho. A liar she is, they were about 8 different sexual encounters and most of them before she would come home all 'tired' from work. She was even laughing how she got our carer to cover for her by having her pick her up when my W was supposed to. Told OMW about her H having other A's and she knows there was one before but they worked through it. My W has zero respect for our marriage and has zero chance to fix our marriage. How did this happen, we don't have huge arguements, our sex life is solid and we have tons of fun together. Thank goodness she's out the house. Separation is the only option but I feel so lost. I'm not a bad person did I really deserve this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry man -- calm down -- you have all the facts now. You decide what YOU WANT !!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

jkak said:


> 'it kinda just happened' but only once!_Posted via Mobile Device_


Again stupid women had her chance and blow it!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Do you have copies of the evidence and are going to confront again or just go dark and file?

have her served at work!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Have you exposed the A to her family and friends?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Does WW know you and OMW met today?

Its obvious that WW and OM havent covered there stories, for what it worth I have to believe the A has stoppped due to the stories not matching.
I can't believe your STBXW didn't think about what the OMW had for evidence!


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

the guy said:


> No you didn't diserve this and your women is just broken.
> 
> Its not your fault, and you will come out of this and be better off. in the long run.
> 
> ...


that's the main goal, just going through separation and having my son's family torn apart that's bothering me now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

jkak said:


> Met with OMW to chat to show me the proof she claimed to have when I inboxed her. Now I regret not getting all the facts and should've just cancelled meeting W. Really thought there was hope.
> I wanna beat the OM to a pulp. Met with OMW this afternoon and showed me texts and pics sent between OM and apparently my wife using another phone! I felt sick from reading it. She went into detail about what she was going to do him and how much sweeter he tastes, what the hell?? When did she become such a nympho. A liar she is, they were about 8 different sexual encounters and most of them before she would come home all 'tired' from work. She was even laughing how she got our carer to cover for her by having her pick her up when my W was supposed to. Told OMW about her H having other A's and she knows there was one before but they worked through it. My W has zero respect for our marriage and has zero chance to fix our marriage. How did this happen, we don't have huge arguements, our sex life is solid and we have tons of fun together. Thank goodness she's out the house. Separation is the only option but I feel so lost. I'm not a bad person did I really deserve this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am often in favour of reconciliation, but I really am at a loss to see how you can reconcile with her being such a liar.

She has poisoned the well of your marriage.

Unless she can bring herself to acknowledge what she has done, separation and divorce seem the logical outcomes.

You are right. You didn't deserve this.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Take the time to spend an extra amout of time with your son, not only will it keep you grounded, your boy could use the reasurance that *this* time you aren't going anywere.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Just remember that she said those things under the influence of some pretty strong chemicals. She was deep in the fog.
> 
> The big deal is that she looked you in the eye and told you she would give you the truth. Now you have to confront her and tell her you have all the details and ask if she wants to change her story.


I will eventually ask for the details but I gave her an opportunity to come clean fully but she lied. I don't get why she would cry and beg to work things out but then lie flat out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

@ MattMatt, R is always possible but with todays new development, that option if not even close to materializing.

This d-day #2 is now a reality that OP hasn't had yet, it will take sometime to get to the next step.


Its not what knocks us down that matters, it how we get back up that counts.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

jkak said:


> I will eventually ask for the details but I gave her an opportunity to come clean fully but she lied. I don't get why she would cry and beg to work things out but then lie flat out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Welcome to trickle truth 

Cheaters will often only admit to what you can prove


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

jkak said:


> I will eventually ask for the details but I gave her an opportunity to come clean fully but she lied. I don't get why she would cry and beg to work things out but then lie flat out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Often in a waywards mind they are to ashamed to admit and feel it will be the death of there marriage so they will minumize the affair. Typical they will say that "they didn't want to cause more pain". Thats why!

Sure a false rationalization but again waywards are going thru there emotional pain in how they broke there family. So there heads aren't screwed on right.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

see it hard to say "ya we slept together 8x and we talked dirty all the time" ...instead you get "slept together *only* once and it was just flirting" .

Which one is less painful to hear and shines abrighter light on the WW behavior?

Get it?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

as up set as you are with the new developments, take the time to breath and come up with a came plan....no more mistakes here, its time to be 10 steps ahead of your WW.

So think about confronting #2 versus going dark (hard to do with a kid) but you can get a go between like a relative to help manaage the kid so you don't have to see your WW.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

the guy said:


> Do you have copies of the evidence and are going to confront again or just go dark and file?
> 
> have her served at work!


gona take it easy for a few days and avoid contact with wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

the guy said:


> Have you exposed the A to her family and friends?


not yet
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

jkak said:


> not yet
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Might be worth thinking about this sooner, rather than later.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

jkak said:


> not yet
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What are you waiting for? Start implementing consequences


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

jkak said:


> gona take it easy for a few days and avoid contact with wife.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Smart...very smart

Get that head clear, you would be suprised what a few days will do for you. In my case my head was in a different place with in one day of going dark.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

MattMatt said:


> Might be worth thinking about this sooner, rather than later.


As long as WW doesn't know about the new developments, then it might be best to clear the head 1st.

As far as Ww is concerned its status quo.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think a day or two will do OP good, the emotion of the new development will subside enough to were her can expose and work his plan.

I could be wrong but thats my $0.02.... hell i'v been wrong before!


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

the guy said:


> Does WW know you and OMW met today?
> 
> Its obvious that WW and OM havent covered there stories, for what it worth I have to believe the A has stoppped due to the stories not matching.
> I can't believe your STBXW didn't think about what the OMW had for evidence!


no, said i'm going out to sort out some stuff at my sister's place. Hm, good point, think W must have thought OMW never had all the details.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> Welcome to trickle truth
> 
> Cheaters will often only admit to what you can prove


It's stupid. The truth always comes out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

the guy said:


> see it hard to say "ya we slept together 8x and we talked dirty all the time" ...instead you get "slept together *only* once and it was just flirting" .
> 
> Which one is less painful to hear and shines abrighter light on the WW behavior?
> 
> Get it?


i see but but my W could have just avoided the numbers and said it became physical from x to y.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

the guy said:


> as up set as you are with the new developments, take the time to breath and come up with a came plan....no more mistakes here, its time to be 10 steps ahead of your WW.
> 
> So think about confronting #2 versus going dark (hard to do with a kid) but you can get a go between like a relative to help manaage the kid so you don't have to see your WW.


Only relative who could realistically do this is my sister but I don't want her to be involved anymore but she loves being an aunt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Might be worth thinking about this sooner, rather than later.


why do you think i should expose so soon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> What are you waiting for? Start implementing consequences


just emotionally exhausted for today, need to spend some time with my son.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

jkak said:


> no, said i'm going out to sort out some stuff at my sister's place. Hm, good point, think W must have thought OMW never had all the details.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


doh....LOL


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

jkak said:


> Only relative who could realistically do this is my sister but I don't want her to be involved anymore but she loves being an aunt.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This isn't about you and your STBXW, it about your sisiter helping out her brother so he can see his kid with out the emotional torture of dealling with your STBXW.


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

you must expose to her family ASAP. Otherwise she will contact them and tell them it was no big deal, but you are being a controlling monster. If she tells them first, they will never believe your side. The rest of your life you will have to deal with these people (son's grandparents etc) and you want them to have sympathy for your viewpoint- which is you had to leave her, she left you no choice. Otherwise, you are the d1ck who abandoned his kid. 

You must expose. Tell them you are sorry for having to tell them this, that you couldn't believe it either but you have proof. Tell them how OMW contacted you. Tell them you gave her a chance to come clean and she lied. Then wait for the firestorm as she gets more pissed at you than you could ever imagine.

Just remember, you did not do this, she did. You are only shining a light on her dark secret. You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free!

I am sorry for your plight and for your son. For me that's what upset me the most- that she did this to our kids.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Trickle truth!! She think she can get away lying to you.. She thinks you are an idiot. No wonder she cheated on you. No wonder she keeps lying. Time to enforce consequences


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

jkak said:


> I will eventually ask for the details but I gave her an opportunity to come clean fully but she lied. I don't get why she would cry and beg to work things out but then lie flat out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As well as trickle truth she may be trying to trying to cake eat. By crying and pleading she hopes to get back into the family home without any real consequences and possibly look to continue the affair underground. She can "have her cake and eat it"

I'm sorry it's come to this Jkak, but I and I think most other posters could see this train wreck approaching after the first page of this post.

Please do yourself a favour and buy the book that you so readily dismissed in an earlier post, Married mans sex life, it will give you an insight into what is going on in her head and give you options to put yourself back in control. No More Mr Nice Guy is another good book but in the short time I have had them I prefer MMSL.

Now the good news, as much as there is a WS script (and your WW is a classic example of it) there is also a BS script.

The bonus for you is that at the moment her script is probably 80% to 90% subconcious. Once she started the affair the 'rationalizing hamster' began spinning it's wheel and influencing your WW for it's next fix of Dopamine.

However your BS script is carried out in a totally concious almost calculating way and the beauty of it is that you are ahead of the game, you have taken control.
The advice you will get here will be to accomplish two things.

#1
To make sure that the affair is stopped dead. Knock that damn hamster off his wheel.

#2
To protect you and to enable you to come out of this a whole man again. Whether you wish to reconcile or not.

As part of another posters signature (Morituri) there is a link called 'Links'. There is a lot of good info there.
There is another really long post that tries to show the WS how much they have hurt the BS, family etc and goes into great detail about what they must do to regain trust and save the marriage.

My own viewpoint is that I think you are correct in taking a step back and recharging your batteries. You have just been through probably the most stressful period in your life ever.
But do not leave it too long as your WW may be carrying out damage control right now.
I think the first step when you meet is to ascertain whether she is truly remorseful. I've heard it described as almost on her knees, snot bubblingly crying and begging for another chance. But you know your wife and what would constitute true remorse in her case.
This will likely be very hard for you when you see your wife, the woman you love and the mother of your son bawling her eyes out. No matter what she has done it will likely be like a dagger through the heart but I think it is probably important not to comfort her at this point..

The next step would be for her to write a no contact letter and for you to post it. There are numerous examples on the site.

Then expose, see if she is willing to come with you and fess up to her family. If she does this is a good sign that she is remorseful. 
If you want to find the extent of her cheating (and I would) if she agrees to expose tell her that the OMW has evidence of at least twenty seperate incidents some of which she has shared with you. Her reaction to that will be an indicator of how many times she cheated.
If she refuses to expose then don't tell her about the extra evidence and just expose anyway. There are templates for exposure letters on the site. Tell the parents in person using a similar spiel to the letter and if necessary show the evidence to them. 
I would seriously think about exposing the OM to the appropriate channels at the school. He does not deserve to get away with this scot free. Plus I am sure the school would be very interested to know about his multiple affairs. The upshot of this is that your wife gets to keep her job there.

Hang tough


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Hi Jkak,

Hope all is well, the long piece of information for the WS is at the bottom of Chapparals post in Greg40's thread. It basically gives the WS an idea of what you are going through, and what they must do to put things right. If your WW tells you that she wants to try reconciling print it off and show it to her.

If she balks at any of it, NC, exposure or transparency then she is not sincere about reconciling.

How are you doing? Keep contact, even if it's only to say that you feel down, ok or whatever.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

I am very suspicious of this thread. It was started on 8-22 and titled "wife cheated, moved out". Now....on TAM, when you start a thread, you have to give it a title, right? So the Op entitled it on 8-22, BUT the OP says his wife never left until 8-23? So how did he know the title, before she actually left? This is IMO a made up story.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Not necessarily, the 'moved out' part could relate to him.
Wife cheated, moved out could mean that his wife cheated and he moved out, which he did. He then did what he should have done in the first place and kicked her out (on the 23rd), especially after the revelations that despite his WW's assurances it was well more than one time (what a surprise).

Just hope he isn't trying to do this on his own.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Wife cheated and HE moved out. Then came back and kicked her out on everyone's advice. Have you even read the thread?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I definitely think you need to go to the school about the OM and your WW. They both severely deserve consequences and it's obvious they are using the school and their hours to carry on the affair.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Did you say you also found she has been using a different cell phone as in a burner phone for the affair?

Getting a burner phone when you only hooked up what 8 times and you already worked together sounds a little suspicious - as in something you see in long term affairs and in affairs that have gone underground.

Why would they go to all the work of buying , charging , hiding a second cell phone so early into the affair?

Something is really off here.

Either - she's done this before and the cell is in her bag of tricks, or he gave it to her ? But if he gave it to her - why wasn't he using one too? So it looks like she got it on her own.

That shows not just cheating/hookups but a conspiracy to establish it as a long term secret. 

Could she have done this before? Find that PHONE!


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

Hey, no point updating thread since some people are paranoid about fake threads. Just want to say thanks for all the advice. I'm in the process of divorcing my wife though she says she wants to work things out. Think she threw away the other phone but she slowly revealed the truth which matched the info I got from the OM secret phone. I haven't told the school about the affair as the OMW already has, leading to a transfer for the OM. I did tell my W's family which she wasn't to happy about but not sure what affect it had as I think she told them something else so they're probably confused. Just wanted to tell you guys, feel better when I talk about, especially with the stress of sorting out son's school, divorce and going back to work after the holidays. I know for a fact I would be in a much worse place without your, and other, words. Thanks again. BTW, Wife cheated and I MOVED OUT.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Jkak

Sorry it has moved to D for you but frankly it s probably your only choice.

Your wife really went far with his A. Too far.

And it sucks being blindsided. I remember thinking I don't deserve this. 

You acted decisively and that makes a big difference. Just love your boy. He s going to need re-assurance from you.

Stay strong. Life will get better.

HM64


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Jkak
> 
> Sorry it has moved to D for you but frankly it s probably your only choice.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Hi jkak,

Good to hear from you, and pleased (if pleased is the right word in the context of something as awful as this) that you have taken control of the situation and your life.

Please continue to post if you can as your situation may help others suffering in similar situations to yours. And also remember there is a coping with divorce section here too.

Don't worry about paranoid posters, it happens.

You mention that your wife wants to work it out, was she seemingly sincere, remorseful, tearful or was it an "oh crap, divorce I'd rather work things out" type of working it out?


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