# Revenge Cheating



## K.K. (Oct 25, 2011)

Has anyone ever cheated as revenge to get back at their spouse for the horrible hurt they have caused? 
I have considered it several times. I want him to just feel one ounce of the pain I have suffered. 
Has anyone else considered it?

What is the opinion of everyone?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Never did. Feels kind of good to know that although I wasn't perfect, I did my best to make things work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

I haven't considered it, but I have thought about it....I think about how nice it would be for him to feel how I felt, to have his security threatened...In the end though I know who I am, and that's not it....If anything I would consider leaving him before I would getting revenge....I don't know, karma's a b*tch all on her own, no need for help from me!!!!


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## mattmf01 (Jan 24, 2012)

I feel what you're talking about. My first marriage ended due to her cheating. I did think about just getting back at her and finding a hot blonde or something and doing to her what my ex wife did to me. But i didn't and that made me a better person and the man i am today. Sucks that he did it but my opinion is definitely not cheating on him to get back at him. That could be the end of the marriage as a whole. That and guys are difrent than girls in those cases. Our hearts are wired differently. He could turn violant or worse. Take my advice for what it is. I would just talk to him about it and if you have this distrust with him now because of it, you need to work it out and see what he is willing to do to overcome this problem.


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## NatashaYurino (Jan 2, 2012)

nice777guy said:


> Never did. Feels kind of good to know that although I wasn't perfect, I did my best to make things work.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: I had three boyfriends cheat on me, and boy did I feel like doing it right back at them! But at the end, after I had a conversation with my Dad, I decided that I was not going to let anyone else's choices change me or my moral values. It would not change what happened, it would not take my pain away and most importantly it will NOT keep it from happening again. Just stay true to who you are. Good luck!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes I have, what changed my mind was the fact that nothing will take away the pain of this kind of betrayal. So why put my self in a sitch. that really won't solve the problem. I will not get the answers from my AP. All the ONS or LTR won't take the betrayal way.

You can even the score, but there will never be a tie!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

The forum members are right. A revenge affair will NOT take away the pain.

My ex-wife, in a last ditch effort for me not to divorce her, proposed to me that I could have a sexual affair like hers if I wanted to. Of course I said no to her offer and instead chose to divorce her. While the purpose of the divorce was for my own emotional and psychological healing, it had the side effect of making her feel the pain of loss. After that, it culminated last year in her having a complete mental breakdown, suicide attempt, and institutionalization at a psychiatric hospital.

Sometimes the best revenge is to simply live well. I am living proof of this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A lot of BS do end up cheating... how much of it revenge cheating, who knows?


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Was on my mind a few times yet then I would get thinking about how much it hurt and then thought wow everyone would end up knowing and I would look as sorry as my husband did at family functions,and with friends but most of all I thought to my self how horrible it would be to use another person like that.

It would be using someone. I am not a user and not an eye for and eye kind of person. It would change who I am to the very core of my self. NOT worth it no matter how much I wanted him to be in my shoes. And I am proud that I did not ever do that.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> A lot of BS do end up cheating... how much of it revenge cheating, who knows?


For me being the BS I would not do it. I am not sure if a lot of BS do it as I could not find any data to support it one way or the other (I did not spend much time researching it).

Perhaps wanting to get even is a natural desire in some. For me exposing the affair to friends, family, employers of both my WS and the OM seemed to be enough for me as far a revenge goes.

If you have an overwhelming urge to engage is a revenge affair my advice is *"DON'T"*. And I would say this to those who want to stay or those who want to leave the marriage. Advoid a revenge affair at all cost.

Why? (this is my opinion).

1. I have read a lot of posts here and even when those folks who think they are done with their marriage sometimes do a 180 in their thinking and reconcile. A revenge affair will only complicate this process. you now have mistrust on both sides, pain on both sides, more guilt, etc to work through.

2. If there is any attempt to reconciliation is could end it.

3. You put yourself at risk for STD's, violence, more pain, and your spouse getting more justification to cheat again in the future.

4. You lower yourself to the WS's level. I will not even think about going there.


For me, I can end my marriage and hold my head up high. My WS's family and others are supporting me because they know my character and know I did not contribute to this. If I wanted another lady in my life I would divorce my wife and wait till the divorce is completed before I even started looking. I already have friends who want to hook me up with "chicks" if I divorce. 

*I will not comprimise my integrity.*


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

came close, started to peruse AM ads

came to my senses tho


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

As far as I know, my wife hasn't cheated, so this is all a bit hypothetical for me. I generally agree with the other posters, but there's one scenario which, I admit, has considerable appeal. If I had a chance to bang the OMW, and the W and OM were to happen to find out about it, it would be something of a two-fer, revenge-wise.

But I hope I never have to find out whether or not I'm capable of following through.


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## K.K. (Oct 25, 2011)

I know I could never cheat on my husband. I honestly have no desire to be with someone else. At this point, the thought of it makes me sick. I really don't want to hurt him, I just want him to feel what I am feeling. I want him to understand the devastation I feel. 
I think some of the hurt comes from the disappointment of who he was and what he stood for. This is a man, whom I thought, would never in a million years cheat. He just had too much integrity. He is so honest in everything he does. He was known for his integrity. If I had been given a million dollars ( and I could use it!) and asked to bet it....I wouldn't even have hesitated to bet against the fact that he would cheat. That's how much faith I had in him. If the words hadn't come out of his own mouth, no one could have convinced me he did it. I wouldn't even have listened. 
Soooo, all of that said, I know I couldn't lower myself to cheat. I couldn't disappoint my children and family in that way. Cheating is dirty and disgusting. It's embarrassing, and in ways I feel sorry for him. I know he is disappointed in himself too. I guess that should be enough.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

When marital boundaries are crossed, all bets are off that even the Pope would not have an affair.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Feels kind of good to know that although I wasn't perfect, I did my best to make things work.


It's funny. As someone who cheated, I feel the same exact way.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

K.K. said:


> I know I could never cheat on my husband. I honestly have no desire to be with someone else. At this point, the thought of it makes me sick. I really don't want to hurt him, I just want him to feel what I am feeling. I want him to understand the devastation I feel.
> I think some of the hurt comes from the disappointment of who he was and what he stood for. This is a man, whom I thought, would never in a million years cheat. He just had too much integrity. He is so honest in everything he does. He was known for his integrity. If I had been given a million dollars ( and I could use it!) and asked to bet it....I wouldn't even have hesitated to bet against the fact that he would cheat. That's how much faith I had in him. If the words hadn't come out of his own mouth, no one could have convinced me he did it. I wouldn't even have listened.
> Soooo, all of that said, I know I couldn't lower myself to cheat. I couldn't disappoint my children and family in that way. Cheating is dirty and disgusting. It's embarrassing, and in ways I feel sorry for him. I know he is disappointed in himself too. I guess that should be enough.


K, you made an old Master Sergeant tear up. I thought the same thing about the love of my life and my best friend. This is worst then having lost soldiers in combat. One of my duties in combat was to gather all the soldiers together, after they suffered a lost and help them process what the hell just happened. All for the purpose of getting them mentally, spiritual, and emotionally prepared to go out again in 12 hours and I was damn good in helping these soldiers prepare for their next mission. As much as that sucked, the pain that my spouse caused in me is beyond anything I faced in combat.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Something I can relate to. Just to let you know, it doesn't make you feel better. And I never realised it at the time. I kept on doing it to try and fill that void, but it never helped. Don't start, just leave.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

and give up all this hard earned self righteousness? lol.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

:iagree:


Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> and give up all this hard earned self righteousness? lol.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I'll admit to a different kind of thought. What does she now know that I don't? What am I missing? If I stay, am I at some kind of disadvantage?

I won't go have an affair, but those thoughts have crossed my mind as possible rationalizations.


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## Trying to heal (Jan 25, 2012)

Though about it. Yes
Acted on it. No
Why?
Because I have what my STBXW does not. Character and Morals.
Sure I had plenty of chances to cheat when she was pregnant. More than a few.
But cheating to me is lowest form of slime. 
And I don't look good in slime. It's not my color.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

At times of deep upset I did think about it. Not to get even but simply so he could understand an ounce of how I felt.

A year on, I never did it. I wouldn't. It is enough for me to know that he lives with the fear that any time I go out, I could do it just for revenge. If this makes sense: he is convinced by my integrity when it comes to fidelity but feels the only circumstances in which I *would* do it would be for revenge. So he has to live with that. He created that thinking by his own actions. Karma is interesting at times.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

I didn't have a revenge affair, but before dday, when my wife became distant and lost interest in sex (with me), she told me that if I wanted to sleep with other women I could do so.

I told her that I couldn't do this because I loved her and didn't want to run the risk of becoming attached to someone else. Obviously, this should've been a red flag for me but I just couldn't imagine that my wife was being unfaithful. 

Looking back, I think that she was trying to set me up to do something unsavory so that she could feel better about the person she had become.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I don't know if it would hurt him as much, I mean, whatever pain he'd go through would be tempered by the fact he did the exact same thing, so he'll be resigned to the fact. 

And either way after the deed is done, it's not going to change history or lessen your pain. I personally can never stand the years of resentment and bitterness after an affair. Hope it works out for you though.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Thought about it..did not do it. I don't know how I would meet anyone to do anything like that right now. There is no one at work that I am attracted to so unless I perused the dating sites and pretended I was single. No desire to do that as well..plus to me I would feel bad to lie to some guy pretending I was actually separated/divorced but was not..

On that note, I totally understand the anger and wanting someone to experience what you are experiencing.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Don't do it. It will further complicate R if you guys decide to stay together. And by complicate, I mean make it almost impossible...

When things get heated or there is a breakdown in communication you will both be throwing the A's in each others faces...ugh...just DON'T!!!!


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