# 29 years of marriage...I'm still confused!



## cincy guy (Sep 18, 2009)

I have been married for almost 29 years. We have had what I consider a pretty good relationship, but recently there has been a lot of tension.

In 2005, around our 25th anniversary no less, we were having problems. Our oldest child (our only daughter) got married and 11 days later, my wife's father died. It was a very emotional, difficult 2 years. She threatened divorce, etc. (no - there was no infidelity, drugs, etc.) But we worked through it, and I have felt that since then our relationship was stronger. In late 2007, our first and only grandchild was born and I - things seemed to be going better than ever - or a least I thought so.

Recently I have seen some return to the behavior that I experienced in 2005. Here is an example:

Every year, I take a trip with my closest buddy. Nothing eleborate - we're both huge Cincinnati Bengal fans and once a year, we take a trip to an away game. We leave Saturday morning, go to the game on Sunday and fly home Monday morning. This year we started working on our trip in May. We thought watching the Bengals in Green Bay would be fun. However, it is the weekend before my 50th birthday. When I asked my wife about taking our trip that weekend, she tried to act like it was okay. I knew otherwise, and told my buddy that I could not go that weekend. A few weeks later, to my surprise, my wife seemed to have a change of heart, and said that I should go. I asked her if she was sure. I was okay with passing up our trip this year. She insisted that it was fine with her.

Now the plans are made - we're leaving in 24 hours. But last night, she was moody and upset. After several attempts to get her to open up, she finally said that she wished I wasn't going and she "couldn't believe that I would want to be with (my buddy) instead of her on this weekend before my 50th birthday"

Did I miss something? I'm so angry. This kind of thing shouldn't happen to a couple married for as long as we are. 

I feel that we're slipping back to those terrible days of 2005.

Please help!


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Maybe she suggested that you go as a "test" concerning what was most important to you, and when you chose the game, it truly hurt her feelings. That is just my opinion, of course.


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## cincy guy (Sep 18, 2009)

thanks for your thoughts. I suppose you could be right. But those kinds of "tests" usually occur in the first few years of a marriage - or so i thought!


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

No, hon they can occur at any time in a marriage, and for any number of reasons. You said you were having problems in 2005, also. What is your communication level like? It is extremely important to keep the lines of communication wide open, at all times.


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## cincy guy (Sep 18, 2009)

Normally our communication is pretty good - i think. I have nothing else to compare it to. When we were having our really difficult times a couple of years ago, we talked, and talked, and talked. For a long time nothing really changed. I suggested marriage counseling, but she wouldn't have it. she is SOOO very much against professional help for this sort of thing (you would think a nurse would feel differently) So I started seeing a psychologist. I didn't tell her until my third visit - boy was she pi**ed! 

At any rate - somehow we finally got things straightened out. But as I said, recently she has started doing some of the same things.

I keep thinking this is a temporary thing - perhaps menopause? I'm certainly willing to hang in there - if I know what I'm dealing with!


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Therapy may or may not work. In order for it to be of help in a relationship, it must be agreed upon by the both of you, and it sounds like she is not willing. You could still go by yourself, though.


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