# Unexpected issues using a condom during sex



## Melrose8888 (Jan 1, 2017)

Hey all, so started dating again after a 17 year relationship, 8 year marriage, XW had (is having) an affair with her boss, divorced in under 6 months, full thread in CWI.

Sex life with ex dwindled in last 6 years so I guess we went from 3-4 a week where towards the end we averaged once or twice a month. We both always had a good natural connection, both always achieved an orgasm from PIV but pretty vanilla, 3 positions max, she wouldn’t let me touch her V or perform oral (likely due to undiagnosed PTSD after childbirths but perhaps deeper routed childhood issues).

I’ve dated 4 different women, had sex with 2. First relationship she was waaay to serious but in the end we had very good sex, despite me not being 100% physically attracted to her. She went on the pill early on and so only used a condom for first two times but on both occasions we did, I didn’t perform well, lost erection. Zero issues when bareback.

Split up after 6 weeks and took a 6 week break. Now I’ve been dating a younger, hotter model for 6 weeks. Sex after second date, very casual, slow, only see each other once or twice a fortnight. On this occasion, I am obviously sticking to protected sex but find that I’m still losing the moment once the rubber goes on.

I’ve tried a larger size condom and this has helped but I still lose hardness after, what I consider to be, not a great length of time and certainly before either of us have climaxed.

This woman is sub, so she does just lie there and expect me to **** the **** out of her, which is a new concept for me, not once I’m averse to doing but I wonder if that is part of it too. I like variety and prefer to mix and match the attention levels between the two of us.

Shame because we are both very high sex drive and I know I can literally go all night without a condom, so it is very frustrating – any advice?


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## chronicallyfrustrated (Jul 21, 2017)

Melrose,

Have you tried incorporating a **** ring?

Also, I'm surprised your new partner associates "submissive" with "you do all the work." That's pretty lazy/disrespectful. Is she actually submissive as in BDSM submissive, or is she just not interested in helping out during the action? If it's BDSM submissive, you might benefit from taking more control over the situation and making (reasonable) demands (within pre-discussed boundaries; safe, sane, consensual.) If she's just being lazy, then, I don't know what to tell you!

Best of luck on the boner front,
Kayla


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If you haven't used condoms in a while, resuming their use can cause problems for a while, as you readjust to the different sensations and decreased sensitivity. Viagra or similar may help while you adjust.

I would have a problem with a passive or submissive woman who does not actively participate. It may be fine now and for years, but what happens when you get older and need more stimulation to get or maintain an erection, especially if you begin experiencing ED issues? Actively involved women will get you aroused. Passive women will not - and your sex life may die or diminish a lot sooner with them, IMO.


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## vauxhall101 (Jul 23, 2017)

Yeah, it is hard (forgive the pun), I struggle with this too, a condom just seems to ruin the mood entirely while you struggle with it and then it doesn't feel the same, and I'm a guy who is 'easily distracted', so to speak. The only advice I can offer is: get a vasectomy and a dr's note. Sorry, best I can do, although I'm sure others have better answers.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

put a drop of lube in the condom before putting it on.
it feels much better.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

use a tightly fitting rubber **** ring. Slip it on when you are hard, and THEN slip on the rubber

https://www.amazon.com/Encore-Medical-En440033001-Replacement-Ring/dp/B00RR609PQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=industrial&ie=UTF8&qid=1501157297&sr=1-1&keywords=encore+ring

Your penis is hard because there is blood trapped inside of it. If you get soft, it is because the blood leaked out before it was supposed to. These rubber rings just trap the blood inside so it stays pretty hard no matter what is going on.

There are manual vacuum pumps too that can get you pumped up, and then you slip on the rubber ring. Some of the pumps are designed to hold the rubber ring open in place for easy slipping on.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

The first one you said you weren't attracted to and the second is very submissive. Maybe the condom isn't the real issue here. Maybe it's that you simply lack chemistry and compatibility with these women.


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## Melrose8888 (Jan 1, 2017)

Thanks all – yes, **** ring, great shout!! I used to have an amazing pearl one but it broke (and the XW didn’t like it anyway…!).

No issues with a vasectomy actually but it’s the STD’s I’m more concerned about (not going to trust the word of a practical stranger!!).
@MJJEAN – I must admit, my mind can work overtime and I do realise I need that strong connection to enjoy sex. Never enjoyed ONS (apart from a **** buddy I had in my early years). But I think the rubber plays a negative part too – I have a ‘large’ end, so think I might try another new brand.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Melrose8888 said:


> @MJJEAN – I must admit, my mind can work overtime and I do realise I need that strong connection to enjoy sex. Never enjoyed ONS (apart from a **** buddy I had in my early years). But I think the rubber plays a negative part too – I have a ‘large’ end, so think I might try another new brand.


I've heard about condoms from overseas being thinner and better made, but you have to order them online and they're a bit more expensive. Might be worth looking into.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

...


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

You can always ask your partner to wear a female condom instead.










It takes some getting used to but guys seem to like it better than wearing a condom.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Her being a sub is typically a lot more than being banged hard... in the long run you may not be compatible if you aren't interested in that sort of dynamic. 

In the meantime if you lose it you can go back and spend some time on oral and manual on her while you work back up, repeat as needed


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Lila said:


> You can always ask your partner to wear a female condom instead.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Female condoms have an added advantage that you can insert a ben wa ball to help hold it in place, AND that can add some additional stimulation for both of you that is rather unique. Then when the female condom is removed the ben wa ball easily comes right out as it is trapped inside the condom.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

badsanta said:


> Then when the female condom is removed the ben wa ball easily comes right out as it is trapped inside the condom.


Just remember to wash your balls.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Just remember to wash your balls.


...under hot/ice water just prior to use, and now the female condom can even be used for temperature play for BOTH him and her! 

What about one hot and one cold at the same time? hmmmm.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

badsanta said:


> ...under hot/ice water just prior to use, and now the female condom can even be used for temperature play for BOTH him and her!
> 
> What about one hot and one cold at the same time? hmmmm.


Report back after you've experimented.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Report back after you've experimented.


I am not even going to attempt that. When it comes to things in the bedroom, I am about as smooth as asphalt. I would probably spill ice water all over the bed....


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

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