# Men who liked to be taken care of



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Have you ever dated or married someone who you felt just likes to be taken care of? I know that we are more maternal, and mothering and caring than men, but a significant other is not a child. 
Or how about people in traditional relationships. What’s your view/opinion/experience about this? Did you eventually get resentful?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I dated a guy in his 40s between marriages. He was NMNK. Now that that relationship is over, I believe that he was interested in securing companionship without the hassle /risk of marriage. He always talked about this $1m+ portfolio he had. When he moved to my city, he sold his house and kept the proceeds but expected me to house him in my small apartment. He did offer _something towards the rent._ I guess that was his way of saying, but see, I'm not using you.

He talked up marriage, so everyone around me thought he was a catch. We talked about having children but in the same conversation, he let slip that his plans were to retire in the next 7 years. He was 47 at the time.

He was whiny, needy, demanding. He wanted the appearance of an exclusive relationship while his sexual habits made me think of someone who is trying to decide if he should come out. He had female friends, but railed at the thought that I had male friends. 

A couple of friends said, oh let him live with you for a couple of months and see how that works out. Apparently, no one thinks abut how hard it is to get someone out of your home once they are settled in.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> Have you ever dated or married someone who you felt just likes to be taken care of? I know that we are more maternal, and mothering and caring than men, but a significant other is not a child.
> Or how about people in traditional relationships. What’s your view/opinion/experience about this? Did you eventually get resentful?



That's nonsense that a women are more caring than men. What type of data backs up your claim. Example that say a man is married to a now self proclaimed asexual being, and has been with her let's say 35 yrs. Which person is more caring ?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

And yes the men in my family that, fit your title l have a name for them. MAMA'S BOY! And lack the fortitude and drive to lead ( by the old standard of times long gone). And now with modern culture and wussified and told not be masculine, find it much easier to live life at that standard. Which l don't speak of all men just a more
predominant part of men who rather take a road less taken.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Tilted 1 said:


> Girl_power said:
> 
> 
> > Have you ever dated or married someone who you felt just likes to be taken care of? I know that we are more maternal, and mothering and caring than men, but a significant other is not a child.
> ...


Please. I'm sorry you are having a bad marriage experience, however, men and women are not the same. They have different natural energies and traits, on the whole, because the sexes are different physically--brain and body, mostly due to hormones. Which are ***drastically different*** between the sexes. Not just humans, but across many species. Males have a lot of testosterone. Females have a lot of estrogen. That makes for different traits/personalities. Yes, indeed, the female sex is more "maternal" in personality than the male. This is verified and common knowledge.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I like to be taken care of. My wife does my laundry, makes sure I have plenty of cold bottled water in the fridge, makes my coffee. Even though she has a full time job. Now i don't demand any of this. In fact I'll say "I'm going to do a load of laundry", and she'll say "no, I'll do it!". She'll also buy me stuff.

She'll see that my gym shoes are getting a bit scruffy and say "you need new shoes", and ill say "no, honey, there's plenty of miles left in these". Pretty soon she's online ordering me new shoes.

Do I lIke it? Sure, who wouldn't! I might add I do plenty of stuff for her.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Tilted 1 said:


> That's nonsense that a women are more caring than men. What type of data backs up your claim. Example that say a man is married to a now self proclaimed asexual being, and has been with her let's say 35 yrs. Which person is more caring ?




Oh boy... 

It’s biology. There are always exceptions but most women have the caring gene. Caring for their kids, family, elderly etc. 
Hang out with toddlers for a few days and right away you see girls caring for their “sick” baby dolls, and boys playing with “guns” and shooting. 
Go in the wild and observe how the females act toward their kids and how the males act. 
Go to the hospital and see the females doting over their loved ones. 
I don’t know what your experience is... but where I work and with my family..: when someone gets sick, or is grieving the loss of family it’s the women who get together and make a plan to cook meals for them, or start a donation or whatever. When someone has a newborn baby, it’s usually the women who volunteer to watch the baby just so the parents can catch up on sleep. Often times they will do laundry and bring groceries and even clean. 

Women are some of the most caring people.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Tilted 1 said:


> And yes the men in my family that, fit your title l have a name for them. MAMA'S BOY! And lack the fortitude and drive to lead ( by the old standard of times long gone). And now with modern culture and wussified and told not be masculine, find it much easier to live life at that standard. Which l don't speak of all men just a more
> predominant part of men who rather take a road less taken.




I understand what your saying. I think that it could be broken down into different types of men though. There are mamas boys out there that have Peter Pan syndrome. But there are also super traditional men out there they want to be taken care of by a women in that “sexist” way, and they will do the “mans” work. There are also people who want all the good in the relationship and none of the bad.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Livvie said:


> Tilted 1 said:
> 
> 
> > Girl_power said:
> ...


 I never stated they men are more maternal. I stated the men can be just as caring. And thanks for your concern of my marriage. Which is off topic and of this title. I just am saying men can be just as caring.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

jorgegene said:


> I like to be taken care of. My wife does my laundry, makes sure I have plenty of cold bottled water in the fridge, makes my coffee. Even though she has a full time job. Now i don't demand any of this. In fact I'll say "I'm going to do a load of laundry", and she'll say "no, I'll do it!". She'll also buy me stuff.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Do you guys wake up at the same time? I know women who wake up earlier than they have to just so they can make their husbands coffee and make their breakfast. 

My parents are like this, my mom takes care of my dad but it’s different because she doesn’t have a job. I find it interesting when this still goes on even though they work the same amount of hours. 

And for the record and I like this as well. I like to take care of my man but when it becomes expected or not appreciated that is when I have a problem.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Girl_power said this: "Women are some of the most caring people" l agree with this in the larger sense, hormones or not.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

jorgegene said:


> I like to be taken care of. My wife does my laundry, makes sure I have plenty of cold bottled water in the fridge, makes my coffee. Even though she has a full time job. Now i don't demand any of this. In fact I'll say "I'm going to do a load of laundry", and she'll say "no, I'll do it!". She'll also buy me stuff.
> 
> She'll see that my gym shoes are getting a bit scruffy and say "you need new shoes", and ill say "no, honey, there's plenty of miles left in these". Pretty soon she's online ordering me new shoes.
> 
> Do I lIke it? Sure, who wouldn't! I might add I do plenty of stuff for her.


I do agree some men maybe more than l could know, enjoy the coddling. I feel the sensation of being hovered over. And don't enjoy that type of life.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

It's not to say it would make me the odd duck so to speak. Through the roles and responsibilities of my life have directed me on a different path that I am comfortable with. So just giving all my perspective and l don't speak for all men just me


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Do you guys wake up at the same time? I know women who wake up earlier than they have to just so they can make their husbands coffee and make their breakfast.
> 
> My parents are like this, my mom takes care of my dad but it’s different because she doesn’t have a job. I find it interesting when this still goes on even though they work the same amount of hours.
> 
> And for the record and I like this as well. I like to take care of my man but when it becomes expected or not appreciated that is when I have a problem.


No, my wife is a born nurse. She is an RN by profession and by nature. It's just in her to take care of people.
She's the kind of person who if she finds out someone needs something or has a problem, will be ready and willing to stop everything and go help. I'm more selfish.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> And for the record and I like this as well. I like to take care of my man/(WOMAN) but when it becomes expected or not appreciated that is when I have a problem.


I would say this is a great statement for anyone to believe in and live according. And added the woman in her statement. This l believe would be more loving than any other way l could live.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

jorgegene said:


> Girl_power said:
> 
> 
> > Do you guys wake up at the same time? I know women who wake up earlier than they have to just so they can make their husbands coffee and make their breakfast.
> ...


Yes, so is mine and her mindset sometimes be tough on me. I do try to over come my issues.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Tilted 1 said:


> Girl_power said this: "Women are some of the most caring people" l agree with this in the larger sense, hormones or not.


Women are certainly expected to be more caring. This is why female murderesses are scorned more than their male counterparts.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

As an example, I bet more people have visceral feelings againt that woman at the center of the "escape from Dannemore" prison scandal than the two men who were involved who were actual murderers.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Have you ever dated or married someone who you felt just likes to be taken care of? I know that we are more maternal, and mothering and caring than men, but a significant other is not a child.
> Or how about people in traditional relationships. What’s your view/opinion/experience about this? Did you eventually get resentful?


Resent comes from, usually, since this was the old timey way and I grew up with parents like this, not being appreciated. When he doesn't do things with you, take you out, buy you a present once in a while, or help with the children or when you are ill, resentment builds quickly. 

Understandable.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Do you guys wake up at the same time? I know women who wake up earlier than they have to just so they can make their husbands coffee and make their breakfast.
> 
> My parents are like this, my mom takes care of my dad but it’s different because she doesn’t have a job. I find it interesting when this still goes on even though they work the same amount of hours.
> 
> And for the record and I like this as well. I like to take care of my man but when it becomes expected or not appreciated that is when I have a problem.


Dad woke up around 3 am for work. He started at 4 am and was done at 12:30 pm. Mum made sure he had a sandwich made and in the fridge. I think she made sure he had a cookie and an apple or something, too. He'd get up and make a pot of coffee on the stove in a percolator. Sometimes, the smell was so pervasive, I'd awaken and lie there in bed, staying the hell out of his way. ha.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

/


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My wife needs a father figure to sort all her problems out.

BUT!!! She really gets resentful when she gets what she wants.

So this dynamic can go both ways and can be very complex.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> My wife needs a father figure to sort all her problems out.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




She gets resentful when she gets what she wants?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

My thing is... I don’t mind treating you like a king IF you treat me like a queen. But for some reason sometimes there is an expectation of women taking care of everyone and the treating the women like a queen drops off. 

I know I’m negative and I don’t have a lot of good couple influences around me, but I don’t often see men treating their women like queens later in their marriage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> She gets resentful when she gets what she wants?


I helped her get a refund and got her phone service reestablished. 

This caused resentment because she hadn't been able to get it sorted.

I treat my wife like a queen but it doesn't seem that way to her.

Other people -such as her friends- tell me I treat her like a queen, however.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

jorgegene said:


> I like to be taken care of. My wife does my laundry, makes sure I have plenty of cold bottled water in the fridge, makes my coffee. Even though she has a full time job. Now i don't demand any of this. *In fact I'll say "I'm going to do a load of laundry", and she'll say "no, I'll do it!".* She'll also buy me stuff.
> 
> She'll see that my gym shoes are getting a bit scruffy and say "you need new shoes", and ill say "no, honey, there's plenty of miles left in these". Pretty soon she's online ordering me new shoes.
> 
> Do I lIke it? Sure, who wouldn't! I might add I do plenty of stuff for her.


Yes I also get nervous when my wife touches the laundry machines. 

But seriously I worry a lot about this topic because I just love being taken care of. I'm that guy in the campbell's commercial who gets a can of condensed soup tossed in his crotch. Right now I'm working through a toe infection (diabetic) and I ask for daily bandaging which I really enjoy and which is hard for me to do myself because I an overweight (diabetic). But today and tomorrow I have to do it myself because her work schedule is early morning. So I'll be holding my breath while touching my toes.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I don't like to be taken care of, which to an extend my W does not like. I have had to learn to let go a little with this


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Mr. Nail said:


> Yes I also get nervous when my wife touches the laundry machines.
> 
> 
> 
> But seriously I worry a lot about this topic because I just love being taken care of. I'm that guy in the campbell's commercial who gets a can of condensed soup tossed in his crotch. Right now I'm working through a toe infection (diabetic) and I ask for daily bandaging which I really enjoy and which is hard for me to do myself because I an overweight (diabetic). But today and tomorrow I have to do it myself because her work schedule is early morning. So I'll be holding my breath while touching my toes.




I hope you really do extra nice things for her and make sure she knows how much you appreciate her


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> I helped her get a refund and got her phone service reestablished.
> 
> This caused resentment because she hadn't been able to get it sorted.
> 
> ...




I find that we always think we treat our significant others good. At least better than they think we do...


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## EmeryB (Aug 15, 2019)

Girl_power, I think you and I may have the same problem! I attract these type of men like a magnet! I did EVERYTHING for my husband when we were married. (Consequently, he had an affair - more than one actually - and now we are divorced, but that's another story . . . ) It is just my nature. I have a soft heart and want to take care of everyone around me. I seem to attract the type of man who wants to be taken care of - - and now I HATE that about myself. I try not to be that way, but it's so hard to break a trait that is so ingrained in me. Every man I have dated since my divorce has ended up having this same trait. Yet, they don't reciprocate with me. And they all take it really hard when I break up with them! LOL!

So, basically in my experience, yes, there are plenty of men that want to be taken care of by a woman. However, I also know plenty of women who do the same thing with men. If only I could attract a man who wants to take care of me - - we would actually take care of each other, and I think that would be the perfect scenario!


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> I hope you really do extra nice things for her and make sure she knows how much you appreciate her


You mean like protecting the laundry from her? or catching soup cans? I do wash the foot before bandaging. 

I think the key here is love languages. I love being taken care of. She likes being left alone. it's never equal, but always fair. And when she feels it isn't fair she lets me know.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I havent been with one like this, but I have an in-law who flat out states that he needs a woman to take care of him because otherwise he cant keep his **** together. As if any woman wants to sign up to be some man's mommy!


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

I'd say you're talking about a Beta.
Women hardly know when they are with one, early on.
That's about 78% of men these days. 
Price's Law pretty much dictates it.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

StillSearching said:


> I'd say you're talking about a Beta.
> Women hardly know when they are with one, early on.
> That's about 78% of men these days.
> Price's Law pretty much dictates it.




It’s funny you say that Bc he thinks he’s an alpha. He’s very traditional and just believes in those gender roles.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> It’s funny you say that Bc he thinks he’s an alpha. He’s very traditional and just believes in those gender roles.


He's not very traditional if he likes being taken care of.....so that's a wrong.
Gender roles? Like a man and a woman. That's nature not tradition.

Well I don't really like the Alpha term.....It's too misunderstood by most.
That being said, there are plenty of Beta's that talk but don't act out Alpha. Plenty.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

StillSearching said:


> He's not very traditional if he likes being taken care of.....so that's a wrong.
> Gender roles? Like a man and a woman. That's nature not tradition.
> 
> Well I don't really like the Alpha term.....It's too misunderstood by most.
> That being said, there are plenty of Beta's that talk but don't act out Alpha. Plenty.


Maybe we need to agree to terms.

I think it's alpha to want earn enough to support the family instead of making the wife work.

For women, taking care of their man is about creating an environment at home that pleases and supports him. There will be different interpretations of that.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

EmeryB said:


> Girl_power, I think you and I may have the same problem! I attract these type of men like a magnet! I did EVERYTHING for my husband when we were married. (Consequently, he had an affair - more than one actually - and now we are divorced, but that's another story . . . ) It is just my nature. I have a soft heart and want to take care of everyone around me. I seem to attract the type of man who wants to be taken care of - - and now I HATE that about myself. I try not to be that way, but it's so hard to break a trait that is so ingrained in me. Every man I have dated since my divorce has ended up having this same trait. Yet, they don't reciprocate with me. And they all take it really hard when I break up with them! LOL!
> 
> So, basically in my experience, yes, there are plenty of men that want to be taken care of by a woman. However, I also know plenty of women who do the same thing with men. If only I could attract a man who wants to take care of me - - we would actually take care of each other, and I think that would be the perfect scenario!


You're an ultra-giver. Unfortunately, all the users out there sense that and take advantage of it. And, no, they don't reciprocate (no such thing in their world).

I used to be like you.


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## EmeryB (Aug 15, 2019)

Openminded said:


> You're an ultra-giver. Unfortunately, all the users out there sense that and take advantage of it. And, no, they don't reciprocate (no such thing in their world).
> 
> I used to be like you.


That is 100% TRUTH right there. I'm hoping that someday I'm not like me . . .


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> My thing is... I don’t mind treating you like a king IF you treat me like a queen.


This.

We don't have children, so our 18 year marriage has been a lot less complicated than many.

Despite not wanting kids, I certainly have a nurturing streak - and since early in our relationship I have always enjoyed taking care of him. I still vividly remember making chicken soup from scratch for him when he came down with a cold during our first month of dating.

I do the shopping, the cooking, if I am able to beat him home - I like to make sure he comes home clean, coast space.

I have been his nurse through numerous injuries (he's involved in risky sports), and just generally take care of him.

I couldn't tell you the last time he bought his own shaving supplies for example.

Part of me wishes I had time to do the whole June Cleaver thing. The brief periods when my career was not as time consuming I prided myself on from scratch meals, massages when he got home etc.

And I assume he enjoys being take care of, as there has never been any push back!

These days my work is much more time consuming, and I am the high earner in the house hold.

At times I feel a bit stretched thin - but I wouldn't say resentful - but yes I have moments where I get irritated that I have so many responsibilities big and small.

But all I have to do is let him know I am feeling overwhelmed. Suddenly I don't have to worry about cooking dinner because he is picking up sushi from my favorite place.

Or for instance the last few weeks have been stressful at work - so he arranged for twice weekly date nights - all I have to do is put on something nice, and he takes care of the rest.

He is good at making me feel like a queen, and spoiling me in the ways I enjoy (hint, it doesn't involve expensive gifts, but rather long sweaty nights!)


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Livvie said:


> Please. I'm sorry you are having a bad marriage experience, however, men and women are not the same. They have different natural energies and traits, on the whole, because the sexes are different physically--brain and body, mostly due to hormones. Which are ***drastically different*** between the sexes. Not just humans, but across many species. Males have a lot of testosterone. Females have a lot of estrogen. That makes for different traits/personalities. Yes, indeed, the female sex is more "maternal" in personality than the male. This is verified and common knowledge.


I very much agree with this! Of course, it is a huge generalisation.

It is balanced out by men being far less sympathetic. A woman or child in pain is pretty much always a horrible thing to behond, a man in pain can be humourous or pathetic. In the relationship, we (again generally), expect the man to be more concerned with the woman's welfare than vice-versa, but this does not mean women are less caring generally.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> Maybe we need to agree to terms.
> 
> *I think it's alpha to want earn enough to support the family* instead of making the wife work.
> 
> For women, taking care of their man is about creating an environment at home that pleases and supports him. There will be different interpretations of that.


I don't debate the term Alpha. 
It's more of a "Top of a hierarchy" to me. 
I agree with your assessment of his behavior....definitely not alpha.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> My thing is... I don’t mind treating you like a king IF you treat me like a queen. But for some reason sometimes there is an expectation of women taking care of everyone and the treating the women like a queen drops off.
> 
> I know I’m negative and I don’t have a lot of good couple influences around me, but I don’t often see men treating their women like queens later in their marriage.


That's not unusual. As time goes on, even in a modern relationship, this will happen. Has something to do with a drop off of certain brain chemicals. Men tend to start treating the wife like a mother and women aren't interested and need a break and some care to feel sexy again. All normal and takes work to change, but it isn't that difficult.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> It’s funny you say that Bc he thinks he’s an alpha. He’s very traditional and just believes in those gender roles.


Yeah, most of those men in days of yore were not beta. Mostly there were roles and each did his/her job and were busy, or there was trouble in the marriage.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> My thing is... I don’t mind treating you like a king IF you treat me like a queen. But for some reason sometimes there is an expectation of women taking care of everyone and the treating the women like a queen drops off.
> 
> I know I’m negative and I don’t have a lot of good couple influences around me, but I don’t often see men treating their women like queens later in their marriage.


SCENARIO #1) My wife wakes up to make our son breakfast and take him to school. He meanders around the house petting the cats, picks over his breakfast, and complains that the lunch prepared for him is often not good enough. He is slow to finish getting ready and almost late to school even though being asked by mom to try and hurry. 

SCENARIO #2) I wake up to make our son breakfast and take him to school. I tell him to pack his own **** lunch because he is a teenager and able to do so. He complains and I remind him I have already paid in advance for his school to serve him lunch if needed. I put a bowl on the table and tell him to pour his own bowl of cereal and be ready to go in fifteen minutes. I tell him if his sorry rear end is not sitting in the car by a certain time that I will leave without him. I also explain that if he chooses to miss school that I have tons of chores lined up around the house for him to do all day like washing his laundry, cleaning up the kitty litter and helping to take care of his grandma. He gets himself in gear, eats breakfast, packs his own lunch, and is out to the car a few minutes early. 

Then our son complains to mom that I am too grumpy. She agrees with him and fusses at me. She tells me that I need to learn how to be a fun person to be around. She then takes our son out for ice cream, pampers the ever living crap out of him and buys him a new game for his playstation he has been wanting. She asks him to clean up his room, and when he doesn't she does it for him because she loves him so much and he is just too adorable. 

So why is it my kid will probably grow up and want to be taken care of by his wife and probably just be freaking lazy when it comes time to treat her like a queen? 

Hello!!!!!

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

@badsanta, that's an easy fix. You tell sonny boy that the next time he runs to mama and whines about daddy that you'll be taking his beloved play station away. You're the father so father up.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

badsanta said:


> SCENARIO #1) My wife wakes up to make our son breakfast and take him to school. He meanders around the house petting the cats, picks over his breakfast, and complains that the lunch prepared for him is often not good enough. He is slow to finish getting ready and almost late to school even though being asked by mom to try and hurry.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Ah how annoying!!

My mom was the same way. But now... my brother is 34, lives at home, no job, no drivers license (dwi) and sleeps all day and my mom still cleans his room, does his laundry and cooks all his meals.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> @badsanta, that's an easy fix. You tell sonny boy that the next time he runs to mama and whines about daddy that you'll be taking his beloved play station away. You're the father so father up.




I think he should talk to his wife and come to an agreement on how to parent their kid and deal with his issues and the goals they have for him.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

badsanta said:


> SCENARIO #1) My wife wakes up to make our son breakfast and take him to school. He meanders around the house petting the cats, picks over his breakfast, and complains that the lunch prepared for him is often not good enough. He is slow to finish getting ready and almost late to school even though being asked by mom to try and hurry.
> 
> SCENARIO #2) I wake up to make our son breakfast and take him to school. I tell him to pack his own **** lunch because he is a teenager and able to do so. He complains and I remind him I have already paid in advance for his school to serve him lunch if needed. I put a bowl on the table and tell him to pour his own bowl of cereal and be ready to go in fifteen minutes. I tell him if his sorry rear end is not sitting in the car by a certain time that I will leave without him. I also explain that if he chooses to miss school that I have tons of chores lined up around the house for him to do all day like washing his laundry, cleaning up the kitty litter and helping to take care of his grandma. He gets himself in gear, eats breakfast, packs his own lunch, and is out to the car a few minutes early.
> 
> ...


I concur. I'm the mother of girls and I have to make them step it up, like you do. You're preparing your son for the real world. People don't pander to you out in reality. 
I do blame the mothers of some of the lame men I have known.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> I think he should talk to his wife and come to an agreement on how to parent their kid and deal with his issues and the goals they have for him.


That would be just pissing in the wind with *his *wife.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> I think he should talk to his wife and come to an agreement on how to parent their kid and deal with his issues and the goals they have for him.


Unfortunately when it comes to all things in life you have to pick and choose your battles. Right now we are also raising a teenage daughter. The nonsense she has put our family through pales in comparison to any of the issues we have with our son. If anything I think my wife enjoys pampering our son because she worries there is only another year or so that he is going to be sweet and enjoy spending time with her. 

So I kinda just let my wife get away with being too sweet with him. Meanwhile with our teenage daughter it is nonstop gloom and doom.

Badsanta


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

badsanta said:


> Unfortunately when it comes to all things in life you have to pick and choose your battles. Right now we are also raising a teenage daughter. The nonsense she has put our family through pales in comparison to any of the issues we have with our son. If anything I think my wife enjoys pampering our son because she worries there is only another year or so that he is going to be sweet and enjoy spending time with her.
> 
> So I kinda just let my wife get away with being too sweet with him. Meanwhile with our teenage daughter it is nonstop gloom and doom.
> 
> Badsanta


Well, if daughter thinks son is the favorite child then she will proceed to make your lives hell. Son is taking advantage of the typical mother/son dynamic. And, your wife should know better. 

Does daughter seem to have animosity towards her brother?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Well, if daughter thinks son is the favorite child then she will proceed to make your lives hell. Son is taking advantage of the typical mother/son dynamic. And, your wife should know better.
> 
> Does daughter seem to have animosity towards her brother?


OMG, this totally explains why my sister and I do not get along! I was the baby in my family.  Haha! I remember my mom crying the day I got in the car and drove away to college!

Holy **** Batmandilocks!!!!! My wife grew up as the oldest sibling among two pampered baby brothers. This might explains why she treats me horribly sometimes. She has even said I sometimes feel like an annoying brother to her. My life just hit some kind of multi dimensional time warp where history is repeating itself on every possible level in multiple ways right in front of me. 

(running to get clean underwear while screaming existentially),
Badsanta


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Now then again another way to look at the title. I would say kindness is wonderful and that doesn't mean l do this of my free will with no expectations in return is something I accept. I am also of the mind of ( not tit for tat) then accepting of good will as act of kindness and love heck yes. I am not a heathen so to show my interest and love for her l am also a human and want to also do such acts. 

Through what I have been witness to, most times the men I have seen to getting taken care of by their spouse, the men are overwhelmed, manipulated and bombarded with unachievable goals placed before them. Hence is why Iand myself in self sufficiency. To keep my wit's fresh and the ability to remain loving in such away, to help my spouse know it come from my heart not because I have too.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

badsanta said:


> OMG, this totally explains why my sister and I do not get along! I was the baby in my family.  Haha! I remember my mom crying the day I got in the car and drove away to college!
> 
> Holy **** Batmandilocks!!!!! My wife grew up as the oldest sibling among two pampered baby brothers. This might explains why she treats me horribly sometimes. She has even said I sometimes feel like an annoying brother to her. My life just hit some kind of multi dimensional time warp where history is repeating itself on every possible level in multiple ways right in front of me.
> 
> ...


Didn't mean to send you on a trip. 

Just know that every little extra your wife bestows upon your son and every little extra thing he gets away with will be recorded in your daughter's memory bank. How could it not since son will be rubbing her nose in it. Siblings can be like that.

I would remind wife that it won't be son taking care of her in her old age. That mostly falls on the daughter. And, guess who will be picking out her nursing home?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> Have you ever dated or married someone who you felt just likes to be taken care of? I know that we are more maternal, and mothering and caring than men, but a significant other is not a child.


Pretty much every single man I've ever dated or married needed to be taken care of (some more than others). They're just like kids except they just have better toys.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Pretty much every single man I've ever dated or married needed to be taken care of (some more than others). They're just like kids except they just have better toys.


You bring to mind that there's a big difference between a dude that Likes to be taken care of v.s. who NEEDS to be taken care of.

Since I was a bachelor for about 25 years with no strings, I definitely dont/didn't need anybody taking care of me.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't think women are more caring necessarily, nurturing perhaps, but caring, no. I just think that men and women show their care in different ways.

I LOVE to fuss over my husband. When I pick him up from work in summer I hand him an ice cold drink as he gets in the car because I know he'll be hot. I love caring for him when he's sick - he's not a complainer, but I just love looking after him.

He spoils me too, last month he went to two different shops to get my favourite chocolate because "I know you need it" bless him. I was having a very nasty period and craved chocolate. 

He put up security cameras and sensor lights outside the weekend before he had to go away for work for a month, even though he was sick because he knew I'd feel safer when he was away.

I show my care by nurturing, he shows his by doing.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

My man loves to be taken care of and I love to spoil him. It makes me happy. 

I suppose we fall into that “traditional” category that was mentioned.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Spicy said:


> My man loves to be taken care of and I love to spoil him. It makes me happy.
> 
> I suppose we fall into that “traditional” category that was mentioned.




Does he spoil you I’m traditional ways also?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Spicy said:


> My man loves to be taken care of and I love to spoil him. It makes me happy.
> 
> I suppose we fall into that “traditional” category that was mentioned.


Same here. And I don't mind one bit


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> My wife needs a father figure to sort all her problems out.
> 
> BUT!!! She really gets resentful when she gets what she wants.
> 
> So this dynamic can go both ways and can be very complex.


You probably aren't spanking her enough >


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> Ah how annoying!!
> 
> My mom was the same way. But now... my brother is 34, lives at home, no job, no drivers license (dwi) and sleeps all day and my mom still cleans his room, does his laundry and cooks all his meals.


Omg really??? Wtf is a 34 yo doing living at home???



badsanta said:


> Unfortunately when it comes to all things in life you have to pick and choose your battles. Right now we are also raising a teenage daughter. The nonsense she has put our family through pales in comparison to any of the issues we have with our son. If anything I think my wife enjoys pampering our son because she worries there is only another year or so that he is going to be sweet and enjoy spending time with her.
> 
> So I kinda just let my wife get away with being too sweet with him. Meanwhile with our teenage daughter it is nonstop gloom and doom.
> 
> Badsanta


Teenage girls are revolting creatures. They really are. Ours is delightful and revolting in equal measure, has been for the last couple of years.

I think they should all be sent to an island and brought back when they're 25 :rofl:


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> Does he spoil you I’m traditional ways also?


Yes, I think so. He supports us so well financially that there is no need for me to work. I have my business I run (established and made successful in my early 20s, and during my first marriage). 

So I try to work minimally, taking only the jobs I want, this way I can use most of my time and energy to take care of him, our home, and our one school aged child. 

We still have our financial goals to get him retired young also, and we work together to meet our savings mark for that each year.

It works for us.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Tilted 1 said:


> That's nonsense that a women are more caring than men. What type of data backs up your claim. Example that say a man is married to a now self proclaimed asexual being, and has been with her let's say 35 yrs. Which person is more caring ?


Ah yes, it all comes back to sex 

:scratchhead:


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Men generally like to be taken care of, that is why Asian girls do so well with western men in particularly as they are trained from young that the man comes first, his food, his needs, his everything.......
My male friends will say they like a solid woman who is intelligent, equal, blah blah blah, but occassionally they'll let it slip that deep down they like them younger, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen..........................go figure


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

aine said:


> Men generally like to be taken care of, that is why Asian girls do so well with western men in particularly as they are trained from young that the man comes first, his food, his needs, his everything.......
> My male friends will say they like a solid woman who is intelligent, equal, blah blah blah, but occassionally they'll let it slip that deep down they like them younger, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen..........................go figure


Oh, no way! Older, well shod, not pregnant is better! Though in the kitchen? Maybe.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

aine said:


> My male friends will say they like a solid woman who is intelligent, equal, blah blah blah, but occassionally they'll let it slip that deep down they like them younger, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen..........................go figure


Well there is something about a man being handed a bank card and a woman saying, "I added your name to the account" that profoundly changes that perspective. 

Badsanta


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

badsanta said:


> aine said:
> 
> 
> > My male friends will say they like a solid woman who is intelligent, equal, blah blah blah, but occassionally they'll let it slip that deep down they like them younger, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen..........................go figure
> ...


That what my husband said to me. He thought it was so bad ass.🤣


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Women are by far more emotional than men. Now whether that translates into a nurturing behavior towards their spouse is another thing altogether. 

Men are often driven by a sense of duty to take care of their family, so I don't see how that is much different.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> badsanta said:
> 
> 
> > OMG, this totally explains why my sister and I do not get along! I was the baby in my family. <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Smile" ></a> Haha! I remember my mom crying the day I got in the car and drove away to college!
> ...


My daughter threatens me with this all the time. I am nice to my future son law, that way he will help pick a nice place for me.🤣 He thinks we are funny when we get into those conversations.


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