# Would you invite a friend to live with you?



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

If you had a best friend and geographicly its perfect for everyone to rebuild their lives, perfect for family connections, etc., would you consider having her and her son move in with your family? 

In the past, having young twins, I have told my H that I want her as his new wife, if something were to happen to me as I do have health issues and I actually am serious about it.. or at least for him to keep her around to help raise my twins...

When we move in 3 weeks (more convenient to family for all of us, except the side we're trying to get further away from.. lol), we would have plenty of room and finances would not be an issue - no squabbling about it.

But here's the issue, my marriage has had issues...specifically porn, infidelity & lying for this thread purpose. For two years, our marriage has been strong... And I really do trust my female best friend, although you really just never know. As for my H... trust is getting there, but he did a lot.

What do you think?? Do we even seriously entertain the idea.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

NOT A CHANCE IN HELL! These situations can strain the strongest of marriages and will destroy a weaker one.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Not a good idea .
She's a woman.
You are married.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Very bad idea.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

NFW!

Sorry but this is almost like putting a fox in a henhouse to watch it


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Would it matter if we are talking about opening a business together and my own mother would be living with us too? Some might say we are moving to a compound like lifestyle with others (H's friends) joining us over the next few years to help with this business after we get something going. 

Think Amish like with modern concepts.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

*!*



Cherry said:


> Would it matter if we are talking about opening a business together and my own mother would be living with us too? Some might say we are moving to a compound like lifestyle with others (H's friends) joining us over the next few years to help with this business after we get something going.
> 
> Think Amish like with modern concepts.


The Amish I know would let her live in the Barn, but not in the house. And it would be very short term. Asking for trouble!!


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

I would be re thinking the mom moving in thing too....

I think a family has to have their own space. Inviting in others creates strain.

If you are thinking that these people ate going to have separate dwellings ONyour PROPERTY, no problem. But under the same roof? I think it would cause too much stress.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

Cherry said:


> I have told my H that I want her as his new wife, if something were to happen to me .....
> 
> But here's the issue, my marriage has had issues...specifically porn, infidelity & lying for this thread purpose. For two years, our marriage has been strong... And I really do trust my female best friend, although you really just never know. As for my H... trust is getting there, but he did a lot.


Sure sounds like a test to me. You've told him you think she should be your replacement if something happens. He has lied, cheated on you, but you think things are strong now. So tell him you approve of the two of them together, put her right in front of him on a daily basis and see if he holds up! Not a good idea.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I recall a story I heard about the symbol in chinese for fighting - it was two women under one roof.

Having her move in will be adding a third person into the dynamic of your most private personal space and family. It's one thing to have a close friend who you hang out with all the time - but they go home at the end of the night, and they don't reappear until the next day.

It's another thing to have them living in your house all the time, being under foot, and never having a private quiet time truly apart from them.

I would say it will hurt your friendship to have her in house. It will also hurt your marriage to have her in house. I'm not suggesting cheating, but it will hurt the 1:1 relationship you share with your husband by adding her.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> Not a good idea .
> She's a woman.
> You are married.


go check out Wendy D eng's wikipedia page.


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

OMG OMG OMG DO NOT DO THIS!!! It will change your relationships FOREVER!!! Please trust me....do not tax your marriage OR friendship.....please....trust me, I learned the hard way....


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> I recall a story I heard about the symbol in chinese for fighting - it was two women under one roof.
> 
> *Having her move in will be adding a third person into the dynamic of your most private personal space and family. It's one thing to have a close friend who you hang out with all the time - but they go home at the end of the night, and they don't reappear until the next day.
> 
> ...


^^^^^^^^
This is what I wanted to say but couldn't frame it in words!

Thanks Shaggy!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

No, never.

I invited my family to move in when my dad lost his job. It was very difficult times and our relationship with my parents has never been the same since. It's difficult on both ends.

I'd let family in at any time again, but not friends ever. It really can put a strain on your marriage as well. You lose your privacy and freedom.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Eh, just my .02, but no, don't even go there...I was introduced to my H by one of my besties. It was perfect, she was a great long time friend of mine, her H was a long time great friend of my H's. Then, out one time, she was getting a little too huggy-kissy-trying to get my H to start doing swimming with her. So ya, you never know....FWIW, she's the LAST person I thought would ever try to go down that road. It ruined everything between all of us...


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## Frostrose (Aug 1, 2012)

I agree with everyone not a good idea.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

No way in heck could I ever do that. Even my kids friends must leave at the end of the day or I go nuts. For us family time - just us - is necessary for a happy marriage.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

to beat the dead horse: not only no but F*** NO!!

not because you're married and not because of your marital history,I'd say no even if you were single and living in your own place.
Things happen when you live with someone as roommates. It can ruin friendships.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> go check out Wendy D eng's wikipedia page.



Thanks for the info.
Never knew that!

But I've known similar situations, especially when the female guest is younger than the wife.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

So many things could go wrong. She or he could start having feelings for the other. Or, like in another recent thread you guys could stop being intimate because you don't want her to hear. Or if you continue as normal then she would hear and then you'd have a horny chick in your house. Anyway none of this sounds like a good idea to me. What about when she finds a man and wants to move him in? How will your husband feel about another man sniffing around?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Okay... Thank you all. A bunch of food for thought.

As for my mother, its her property, her house.. and she'll be retired, she needs support/help too.. I want to do that for her. It's the friend scenario that I question and I think we may approach it differently now... as in own place somewhere else


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I currently have a friend who's trying to move into my house with her children. She's asked me several times over the years. She has a college degree with a good paying job. Her parents just kicked her out because she doesn't want to pay rent. I just found out that she has a place of rent to stay before she asked me again for the 4th time over a 2 year span. There is no way in heck I'd bring that here! We can't afford to support another family because they don't want to live on their own and pay rent. 

I'm extremely grateful that husband works extremely hard for what we have. I wouldn't do anything to disrupt what we have now.


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