# What would you do?



## Lila

The circumcision legality thread reminded me of a situation a friend shared with me last year where I was honestly stumped as to what I would have done in that situation. 

My girlfriend confided in me that the new guy she was dating was uncircumcised. She was so bothered by it that she could not bring herself to have sex with him. To add insult to injury, she didn't find out that he was uncircumcised until things were hot and heavy, and well on their way to "happy, jolly, good times". I cringed when she told me how things went after that discovery. Let's just say embarrassment, anger, hurt were all involved and there was lots of finger pointing over who was the bigger asshole.

Anyways, I have no personal sexual experience with uncircumcised men but based on what I've seen in porn my first reaction was "what's the big freaking deal. for the most part, it doesn't look THAT different". However I realized when she shared a description that the poor man had phimosis. At that point it made sense why she was taken aback. Again, I haven't had this experience in real life but still remember studying about phimosis in college and seeing the drawings. It looks quite different from an uncircumcised penis.

I still to this day don't know how I would have reacted but I'm not one to throw a good lesson away. I have made a mental note to ask future partners about circumcision BEFORE happy, jolly, fun times.

TAM ladies, how would you have handled this situation?

TAM gentlemen, how would you prefer a situation like this be handled by a potential sexual partner?


EDIT:.


> expand...


Let me make one correction.... I don't know for sure it was phimosis but only assumed based on her description. She said the head was not visible and he was erect. I added a medical journal drawing to show what she described to me. Best I can tell it looked like Type III in the diagram. Could it just have had a lot of foreskin?


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## ConanHub

Totally got distracted by researching phimosis. Ugh. I would get that corrected personally.

That is a weird one @Lila and I'm not sure how I would want a lady to handle it.

Sex with a new partner has always been fairly hot and passionate naturally and I'm at a loss to figure out when a good time for her to ask an awkward question would be.

It could easily be a mood killer or jump the gun on the issue of having sex to begin with because ask too early and he will think, probably correctly, that you are thinking about sex with him.

I probably wouldn't have any issues if we were being a little flirty and we both had some mutual attraction going in that direction anyway.

It would be good to find out any deal breakers before my shorts got pulled down though so bringing it up way before that would be better! LoL!

This one is sooooo weird!😁


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## frusdil

I had to Google Phimosis and omg, it looks so painful!! Eek.

I haven't been with an uncircumcised man either, so admittedly it would be...different I guess?? Not sure what the right word is. In the situation above, not sure I could bring myself to have sex with him because it looks so painful...surely it would hurt like hell?? 

But all things being equal (hygienic etc), if I met a new man, it honestly wouldn't bother me.


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## frusdil

I don't believe a man should go get circumcised because his new girlfriend doesn't like his penis, it just means they're not compatible. That's a big ask of someone.


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## ConanHub

frusdil said:


> I don't believe a man should go get circumcised because his new girlfriend doesn't like his penis, it just means they're not compatible. That's a big ask of someone.


I agree. Uncircumcised men don't have anything wrong with them. Phimosis in adults should be corrected in my humble opinion.

Women have reported no noticable difference in the sexual experience with uncircumcised men unless they were huge. Really big guys that are uncircumcised, girth anyway, sometimes makes it a little easier. I'm sure I'm getting off topic but this is technically a penis thread.😉


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## Mr. Nail

Again Im reading down the thread and the in column ad asks "Shopping for a new bike?" In column ads are not working for me.
So note to update dating profile with circumcision status. Though I really think the ED status is going to be the bigger shocker.


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## Lila

ConanHub said:


> Totally got distracted by researching phimosis. Ugh. I would get that corrected personally.
> 
> That is a weird one @Lila and I'm not sure how I would want a lady to handle it.
> 
> Sex with a new partner has always been fairly hot and passionate naturally and I'm at a loss to figure out when a good time for her to ask an awkward question would be.
> 
> It could easily be a mood killer or jump the gun on the issue of having sex to begin with because ask too early and he will think, probably correctly, that you are thinking about sex with him.
> 
> I probably wouldn't have any issues if we were being a little flirty and we both had some mutual attraction going in that direction anyway.
> 
> It would be good to find out any deal breakers before my shorts got pulled down though so bringing it up way before that would be better! LoL!
> 
> This one is sooooo weird!😁


Let me make one correction.... I don't know for sure it was phimosis but only assumed based on her description. She said the head was not visible and he was erect. Could it just have had a lot of foreskin?

Anyways, yes, this is a weird one. And I agree that there is lots of risk with bringing up something like circumcision into a conversation with a potential partner. I wonder if people in other countries where most men are uncircumcised have this issue with uncircumcised men?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Don't over complicate new dates. You're compatible until you're not. This is obviously an issue for you, for some folks, not for others.

Again, this is totally your call. It will only complicate your life if you ask for a zillion opinions before you make up your mind what YOU would prefer.

Then oh well. Pass if want to.


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## Lila

frusdil said:


> I had to Google Phimosis and omg, it looks so painful!! Eek.
> 
> I haven't been with an uncircumcised man either, so admittedly it would be...different I guess?? Not sure what the right word is. In the situation above, not sure I could bring myself to have sex with him because it looks so painful...surely it would hurt like hell??
> 
> But all things being equal (hygienic etc), if I met a new man, it honestly wouldn't bother me.


@frusdil, just out of curiosity since you're a woman, do you have any idea how you would've handled a situation like the one I described above? 

I'm flummoxed. The only thing I could come up with when I put myself into that situation is "deer in the headlights". That's all I got.


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## Blondilocks

Where is Faithful Wife when you need her? She probably has a few pics on her penis wall of shame.

It would seem that in countries where most men aren't cut that it wouldn't be a surprise. The time to inquire would be when you have the convo about birth control, likes & dislikes etc. That would also be a good time to disclose if a woman has had a mastectomy. Or, one has a colostomy bag.

eta: How to handle it would be as gently as possible. No reason to make the guy feel like he is deformed.


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## Lila

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Don't over complicate new dates. You're compatible until you're not. This is obviously an issue for you, for some folks, not for others.
> 
> Again, this is totally your call. It will only complicate your life if you ask for a zillion opinions before you make up your mind what YOU would prefer.
> 
> Then oh well. Pass if want to.


@Ragnar Ragnasson, did you read the OP? It describes a specific scenario well beyond the circumcised or not argument.

The question I asked is how would you, as a man in a similar situation, want your sexual partner to essentially back out of sex after realizing there's a deal breaker that involves the way your penis looks ( for lack of a better way to describe it)?


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## Lila

Mr. Nail said:


> Again Im reading down the thread and the in column ad asks "Shopping for a new bike?" In column ads are not working for me.
> So note to update dating profile with circumcision status. Though I really think the ED status is going to be the bigger shocker.


If you were the guy in the scenario I presented, how would you want the sexual partner to back out of sex with you?


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## ConanHub

Lila said:


> Let me make one correction.... I don't know for sure it was phimosis but only assumed based on her description. She said the head was not visible and he was erect. Could it just have had a lot of foreskin?
> 
> Anyways, yes, this is a weird one. And I agree that there is lots of risk with bringing up something like circumcision into a conversation with a potential partner. I wonder if people in other countries where most men are uncircumcised have this issue with uncircumcised men?


It could have been a lot of foreskin


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## Lila

Blondilocks said:


> Where is Faithful Wife when you need her? She probably has a few pics on her penis wall of shame.
> 
> It would seem that in countries where most men aren't cut that it wouldn't be a surprise. The time to inquire would be when you have the convo about birth control, likes & dislikes etc. That would also be a good time to disclose if a woman has had a mastectomy. Or, one has a colostomy bag.
> 
> eta: How to handle it would be as gently as possible. No reason to make the guy feel like he is deformed.


YES! I need @Faithful Wife to weigh in on this. 

Those are all good points about disclosing ahead of time and it's the route I've taken when meeting new potential sexual partners. I have a surgical scar on my body that is not very attractive. I let every man I've contemplated having sex with know ahead of time it's there. Of the men I've told, one guy thought it was sexy as hell, the other two were indifferent, and the last (oddly enough he was the oldest) was completely turned off by it. It's the same with my boobs. Some were indifferent to the implants, one was turned off. 

As far how to respond to the scenario, how would one go about being as gentle as possible while bailing out on sex after the clothes have started coming off? I think this is a white lie situation.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Lila said:


> @Ragnar Ragnasson, did you read the OP? It describes a specific scenario well beyond the circumcised or not argument.
> 
> The question I asked is how would you, as a man in a similar situation, want your sexual partner to essentially back out of sex after realizing there's a deal breaker that involves the way your penis looks ( for lack of a better way to describe it)?


I'd say there's only one reply, which is; ok well it's your call, unfortunately it isn't working out.

What else could be said, I mean really?

He already knew what his peen looks like.

What is she assuming, he's too fragile to have what's just a compatibility step not work out? They're only dating.


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## Blondilocks

I'd be honest and say that I wasn't expecting an uncircumcised penis and frankly, the moment has been lost. Then I would probably ask how it works. lol


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## minimalME

I love the penis, and this wouldn't bother me, unless it wasn't fresh and clean.

I'd probably ask to play with it for a while. 🤭😬😂


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

My last comment is: myself I have been C, and most male friends have, some friends haven't, one person did in middle age, all in all just different flavors, no big deal. Preferences and such win the day I suppose.

Wow, and things we don't mind sharing as we reach an older age. 😉


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## minimalME

I think you've forgotten which site you're on. This is pretty mild. Or maybe people don't share like they used to.



Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Wow, and things we don't mind sharing as we reach an older age. 😉


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## She'sStillGotIt

I'll be honest.

I've never found an uncircumcised penis to be attractive at all. I've always thought it looked like one of those Shar-pei dogs when not erect. Just not a fan.

But I certainly wouldn't have done what your friend did had I been in the same position, embarrassing him and humiliating him. At the same time, he *could* have warned her that he had a 'condition' that affected his foreskin and the appearance of his penis, for God's sakes. So he's no innocent victim in all this.

What would I have done? I would have either faked my own death until he left my place, or more likely, I would have taken a few more slugs of my Grand Mariner until I couldn't see straight anymore and then followed through with the program.


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## frusdil

Lila said:


> @frusdil, just out of curiosity since you're a woman, do you have any idea how you would've handled a situation like the one I described above?
> 
> I'm flummoxed. The only thing I could come up with when I put myself into that situation is "deer in the headlights". That's all I got.


I think I would poker face (no pun intended) the surprise factor and get on with it. If it looked painful I think I’d ... gawd...I don’t know.

I do know that I would never humiliate him or screw my nose up and all “eeewww”, no way


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## Openminded

The odd things I learn at this late date.

I have never known someone who’s uncircumcised (cut was by far the norm for my generation). If I had, way back in the day, run across someone like him I‘m guessing I would have been surprised, quiet (so I didn’t embarrass him), and then very quickly moved things along. After that, possibly done forever depending on how I felt later about that visual.

If the issue was excessive foreskin, he may have thought he was in the normal range (and maybe he really was). He was probably shocked that she was shocked. I don’t think she dealt with it well but I’m probably not a good judge of how things are dealt with today.


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## Lila

The more I think about this, the more I think I'd have to fake "all intense and sudden stomach upset". Nothing like potential diarrhea to kill sexy fun times. 

I don't have a problem with uncircumcised guys but assuming their penis looks like the ones I've seen in porn (appearance wise not size). ll be honest, I don't think I could have sex with a guy who's penis looked like the one my friend described (I'm imagining Level III in the picture I attached to the OP). I'd try my best not to make the guy feel bad but ain't no way I'm having pity sex just to save his self esteem. I need to see a full head. Turtle neck is optional.


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## Hiner112

I don't think there is really a good way to handle the scenario where you get someone undressed in preparation for sex, look at their naked body, and decide that you don't want to have sex with them anymore. Regardless of gender or length of relationship. 

It is probably possible to subtly kill the mood without the obvious judgement like starting a conversation, "Oooh, I've never seen an uncircumcised penis before, is *_* different? ... Oh really, does it feel different if you *_*?" either until you're used to it or the erection isn't maintained.

I don't think I'd ever be in a position where I was getting my partner undressed and then decided not to follow through. Barring them not being the gender I expected, I guess.


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## Married_in_michigan

As a man, I would hope my new sexual partner was honest with me, but also approach the subject in a mature way. I dont happen to have this particular penis problem myself, but if I did, I think I would be a little taken back if the reaction was so extreme. I would assume this is no different than any other physical trait. It is find if your friend is not into sex with this guy, but there is a more appropriate way to address it.


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## Tdbo

This won't be popular, but.....................
I'll say this much as a circumcised male who has been with a number of women.
Who sits around with a partner and discusses whether they are cut or not?
I've never been in a situation where my penis had to submit a resume complete with photos before having sex.
They never really cared as long as I had one and knew how to use it.
It performs the same function. The real issue is hygiene. If the guy takes care of his junk, what's the issue?
Frankly, a woman who would judge a guy over this issue is as shallow as a guy who would judge a female because of the size of their breasts. Simply put, who wants to be with them anyway.
When one thinks about it, the uncircumcised males are really the natural ones. The men who are cut are truly the unnatural ones


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## Lila

Hiner112 said:


> *I don't think there is really a good way to handle the scenario where you get someone undressed in preparation for sex, look at their naked body, and decide that you don't want to have sex with them anymore. * Regardless of gender or length of relationship.
> 
> It is probably possible to subtly kill the mood without the obvious judgement like starting a conversation, "Oooh, I've never seen an uncircumcised penis before, is _ different? ... Oh really, does it feel different if you _?" either until you're used to it or the erection isn't maintained.
> 
> I don't think I'd ever be in a position where I was getting my partner undressed and then decided not to follow through. Barring them not being the gender I expected, I guess.


The bolded is what I was getting at. I just don't see an easy way to get out of a situation like that without feelings getting hurt. It's a horrible situation to be in on all sides, the person wanting to extricate themselves from the situation and the one wondering what the hell is going on. 

Just thinking of myself in a situation like that makes my heart race. I don't have it in me to hurt someone's feelings but I wouldn't want to have sex with someone I'm not into. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't. 

I wouldn't even have the nerve to bring it up like you suggested. I would lie to get out of the situation.


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## Lila

Married_in_michigan said:


> As a man, I would hope my new sexual partner was honest with me, but also approach the subject in a mature way. I dont happen to have this particular penis problem myself, but if I did, I think I would be a little taken back if the reaction was so extreme. I would assume this is no different than any other physical trait. It is find if your friend is not into sex with this guy, but there is a more appropriate way to address it.


What would you suggest to be more appropriate way to approach it assuming the person has no intention of having sex with that potential sexual partner?

And now that I've thought about it, this is not something specific to just penis traits. It could be any particular physical trait, female or male, that is unknown until the clothes start coming off.


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## Lila

Tdbo said:


> This won't be popular, but.....................
> I'll say this much as a circumcised male who has been with a number of women.
> Who sits around with a partner and discusses whether they are cut or not?
> I've never been in a situation where my penis had to submit a resume complete with photos before having sex.
> They never really cared as long as I had one and knew how to use it.
> It performs the same function. The real issue is hygiene. If the guy takes care of his junk, what's the issue?
> Frankly, a woman who would judge a guy over this issue is as shallow as a guy who would judge a female because of the size of their breasts. Simply put, who wants to be with them anyway.
> When one thinks about it, the uncircumcised males are really the natural ones. The men who are cut are truly the unnatural ones


I don't want to derail this thread into a debate about personal preferences but will say that everyone is entitled to theirs. 

The point about this thread was illustrate a scenario and find out what others would do if they were in the same situation, in this particular case it's an uncircumcised penis with either phimosis or potentially lots of foreskin (both were possibilities). 

What do you think should be the response for someone who finds something sexually unappealing about new partner and is turned off?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Respectfully and tactfully back off. There's no other way.

Don't say hold on I'll get the scissors!

Or conversely say rats! Part of you is missing!!


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## Lila

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> *Respectfully and tactfully back off. *There's no other way.
> 
> Don't say hold on I'll get the scissors!
> 
> Or conversely say rats! Part of you is missing!!


What exactly does respectfully and tactfully look like? 

Is there something that should be said? Would you even discuss the issue? 

Is putting clothes back on as you're walking towards the door acceptable?


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## Tdbo

Lila said:


> I don't want to derail this thread into a debate about personal preferences but will say that everyone is entitled to theirs.
> 
> The point about this thread was illustrate a scenario and find out what others would do if they were in the same situation, in this particular case it's an uncircumcised penis with either phimosis or potentially lots of foreskin (both were possibilities).
> 
> What do you think should be the response for someone who finds something sexually unappealing about new partner and is turned off?



Never mind. I'm out.


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## WandaJ

Frankly, chances are you might not even notice that it is different.


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## ConanHub

Lila said:


> YES! I need @Faithful Wife to weigh in on this.
> 
> Those are all good points about disclosing ahead of time and it's the route I've taken when meeting new potential sexual partners. I have a surgical scar on my body that is not very attractive. I let every man I've contemplated having sex with know ahead of time it's there. Of the men I've told, one guy thought it was sexy as hell, the other two were indifferent, and the last (oddly enough he was the oldest) was completely turned off by it. It's the same with my boobs. Some were indifferent to the implants, one was turned off.
> 
> As far how to respond to the scenario, how would one go about being as gentle as possible while bailing out on sex after the clothes have started coming off? I think this is a white lie situation.


Would you be weirded out by an uncircumcised unit as long as everything else was hitting your sweet spot?


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## Lila

WandaJ said:


> Frankly, chances are you might not even notice that it is different.



Did you read my OP and see the picture attached? I'm on sure I would have noticed such a noticeable difference.


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## WandaJ

Lila said:


> Did you read my OP and see the picture attached? I'm on sure I would have noticed such a noticeable difference.


he would put it in you, and you would have no idea at all


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

I'd think a simple "I thought I was ready to go to the next step, but I don't think I'm ready just yet" and calling it a night, seems like not too difficult to execute.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

WandaJ said:


> he would put it in you, and you would have no idea at all


Well, he would, then he wouldn't, then he would, then he wouldn't....😉


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## Lila

ConanHub said:


> Would you be weirded out by an uncircumcised unit as long as everything else was hitting your sweet spot?



Again I don't want to debate personal preferences on this thread. Those tend to end in "you're shallow, no you're shallow". 

I want to find out how people would react or like to have a partner react if something like the OP (imagine a different scenario if that helps) were to happen to you.


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## Lila

WandaJ said:


> he would put it in you, and you would have no idea at all


Lol @WandaJ, that's not how it works with me. Lights on, lots of naked touching and fourplay, oral sex. The full shebang. I'd notice something different.


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## ConanHub

Lila said:


> The more I think about this, the more I think I'd have to fake "all intense and sudden stomach upset". Nothing like potential diarrhea to kill sexy fun times.
> 
> I don't have a problem with uncircumcised guys but assuming their penis looks like the ones I've seen in porn (appearance wise not size). ll be honest, I don't think I could have sex with a guy who's penis looked like the one my friend described (I'm imagining Level III in the picture I attached to the OP). I'd try my best not to make the guy feel bad but ain't no way I'm having pity sex just to save his self esteem. I need to see a full head. Turtle neck is optional.


Those do look pretty mutated and being weirded out by something you expect to have in your body is a quick libido killer.


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## WandaJ

I do not understand the panic about it, but in general terms, when things are not going right, you just don't schedule second date. 
during that first date you can stop the action and ask for time out to explore the unexpected. and go from there. If you are ok, that you continue. If not, that playfully go for "sorry, now the mood is gone".


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## WandaJ

Lila said:


> Lol @WandaJ, that's not how it works with me. Lights on, lots of naked touching and fourplay, oral sex. The full shebang. I'd notice something different.


lol. sometimes people to straight to point, who knows?


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## EleGirl

I've been with men are circumcised and ones who are not. There is not a lot of difference when erect. Cleanliness is the only issue if the uncircumcised guy does not know how to do that well enough, and yes some don't.

What your friend describes is not within the 'normal' for an uncircumcised guy. I did a google search on "phimosis" and looked at some photos. In some cases it just looks really bad, even painful. Maybe, if you are really curious, you could have your friend look at some of the photos so she can point out a photo that is similar to what she saw.

If a guy's **** looked like some of those photos, it think it would freak out a lot of women. In these cases circumcision is probably a good idea.


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## ConanHub

Lila said:


> Again I don't want to debate personal preferences on this thread. Those tend to end in "you're shallow, no you're shallow".
> 
> I want to find out how people would react or like to have a partner react if something like the OP (imagine a different scenario if that helps) were to happen to you.


I was just curious. I don't think your friend was shallow or anyone else. Getting freaked out happens. Some folks have something a little different, if functional, happening in their pants.

Just my perspective alone..... I am really not bothered about stopping or having second thoughts anytime during the process and that includes full intercourse. If someone stops having a good time, it is time to stop.

I think mileage might vary from partner to partner with this one.

I would generally think most people would appreciate knowing about deal breakers way before clothes came off but I wouldn't really be phased no matter what level we were at when she got cold feet.

I also don't know that any partner of mine would be too curious about stopping unless I had something really weird or monstrous down there, which I don't, because I have always subscribed to the belief that real sex starts way before the clothes come off anyway.

By the time we are getting naked, she is more than likely running a temperature and has been boiling long enough to explode.

I could be sporting a roll of nickels at that point and she isn't going to care because her release is not only eminent but necessary.

I do understand that something really weird down there could be an immediate deep freeze of the libido but it wouldn't be a death sentence for someone like me.

A less confident fellow might need more consideration.


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## Lila

EleGirl said:


> I've been with men are circumcised and ones who are not. There is not a lot of difference when erect. Cleanliness is the only issue if the uncircumcised guy does not know how to do that well enough, and yes some don't.
> 
> What your friend describes is not within the 'normal' for an uncircumcised guy. I did a google search on "phimosis" and looked at some photos. In some cases it just looks really bad, even painful. Maybe, if you are really curious, you could have your friend look at some of the photos so she can point out a photo that is similar to what she saw.
> 
> If a guy's **** looked like some of those photos, it think it would freak out a lot of women. In these cases circumcision is probably a good idea.



How would you have handled the scenario I put in the OP?


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## JustTheWife

Penises are all very different - sizes that can range from pinkie sized to horse sized, thin or thick, shapes, bends to the right or left or up like a banana, color, veins, etc. And yes, different kinds of foreskins or none. You kind of have to be ready for anything LOL.

I've been with uncircumcized ones and I didn't think it was all that rare. I can't really speak for the situation that the OP described but it's pretty normal in my experience for the foreskin to go over the head when it's erect. You just pull it back and it looks pretty much like a circumcized one.

If the question is how we would handle _some kind of_ surprise thing that turned us off when we were far into it, then I do remember a time when I was with a guy and his penis was....well....I'll just say "SERIOUSLY not what I expected or what I was used to...." I'll leave it at that. I acted normal and let him have sex with me. I was not into it as it turned me off but i didn't want to be rude or to make a big deal out of it.


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## minimalME

I went back and read the first post, and I don't know how long your friend was 'dating' this person, but this is yet another reason not to have sex with strangers.

Personally, I enjoy talking about all aspects of sex long before I actually have it, so, theoretically, unless he's intentionally keeping that information private out of embarrassment or whatever, I doubt it would be a surprise for me once we were intimate.



Lila said:


> How would you have handled the scenario I put in the OP?


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## Lila

minimalME said:


> *Personally, I enjoy talking about all aspects of sex long before I actually have it, so, theoretically, unless he's intentionally keeping that information private out of embarrassment or whatever, I doubt it would be a surprise for me once we were intimate.*





ConanHub said:


> I would generally think most people would appreciate knowing about deal breakers way before clothes came off but I wouldn't really be phased no matter what level we were at when she got cold feet.
> 
> I also don't know that any partner of mine would be too curious about stopping unless I had something really weird or monstrous down there, which I don't, because *I have always subscribed to the belief that real sex starts way before the clothes come off anyway.*
> 
> By the time we are getting naked, she is more than likely running a temperature and has been boiling long enough to explode.


I subscribe to the same say way of thinking. There are many ways to find out information without being disrespectful or blatant. 

Personally, I would much rather have a potential partner next me because I didn't meet a dealbreaker BEFORE we proceed to sex than dump me because he learned of a dealbreaker during or after sex. The only way to figure that out is to ask questions. 

The situation with my friend was odd just because it was something she (or he) didn't bring up beforehand. I think the general surprise and her urgency to extricate herself from the situation made him feel self conscious. It escalated quickly.


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## EleGirl

Lila said:


> How would you have handled the scenario I put in the OP?


I'm not sure. Going from things in the past where I decided to back out of a situation, I probably would have just slowed things down so I could leave without making him feel bad. It's not his fault after all.


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## Mr. Nail

Lila said:


> --- snip --- (pun intended) . I cringed when she told me how things went after that discovery. Let's just say embarrassment, anger, hurt were all involved and there was lots of finger pointing --- snip ---
> TAM gentlemen, how would you prefer a situation like this be handled by a potential sexual partner?





Lila said:


> If you were the guy in the scenario I presented, how would you want the sexual partner to back out of sex with you?


Well to continue what may be construed as a total thread jack. At that point anything I could get would be a bonus so I'm selecting "embarrassment" and "hurt" or as so succinctly put by Sting, "
"And every single meeting with his so-called superior
Is a humiliating kick in the crotch
Many miles away something crawls to the surface
Of a dark Scottish loch "
Let's face it, the look on her face was pretty much a total rejection of a part of him that he was really proud of, some would say that his identity was tied up in it. Emotionally she did kick him in the nethers, So why not go all the way. There is no easy let down from this (as if an easy let down was ever a good idea, or even worked). 

I'm accepting the notion of continuous affirmative consent. once you have decided that you are so freaked out by a penis that you can't bear to touch it you have 2 choices. Run screaming, or kick it. I think telling him he was an asshole for having a penis was rude, ineffective, and made her look like a prat. If she had just punted his balls at least he would have had good story to tell. So would she, I guess.


----------



## hinterdir

Lila said:


> The circumcision legality thread reminded me of a situation a friend shared with me last year where I was honestly stumped as to what I would have done in that situation.
> 
> My girlfriend confided in me that the new guy she was dating was uncircumcised. She was so bothered by it that she could not bring herself to have sex with him. To add insult to injury, she didn't find out that he was uncircumcised until things were hot and heavy, and well on their way to "happy, jolly, good times". I cringed when she told me how things went after that discovery. Let's just say embarrassment, anger, hurt were all involved and there was lots of finger pointing over who was the bigger asshole.
> 
> Anyways, I have no personal sexual experience with uncircumcised men but based on what I've seen in porn my first reaction was "what's the big freaking deal. for the most part, it doesn't look THAT different". However I realized when she shared a description that the poor man had phimosis. At that point it made sense why she was taken aback. Again, I haven't had this experience in real life but still remember studying about phimosis in college and seeing the drawings. It looks quite different from an uncircumcised penis.
> 
> I still to this day don't know how I would have reacted but I'm not one to throw a good lesson away. I have made a mental note to ask future partners about circumcision BEFORE happy, jolly, fun times.
> 
> TAM ladies, how would you have handled this situation?
> 
> TAM gentlemen, how would you prefer a situation like this be handled by a potential sexual partner?
> 
> 
> EDIT:.
> 
> Let me make one correction.... I don't know for sure it was phimosis but only assumed based on her description. She said the head was not visible and he was erect. I added a medical journal drawing to show what she described to me. Best I can tell it looked like Type III in the diagram. Could it just have had a lot of foreskin?


A person has the 100% freedom to feel however they feel. If someone is not attracted to someone else...or body parts then that is their true feelings.
If she doesn't want to go further...fine.
Her job is to just be polite and kind about it. I'm sure he'd be disappointed but if she finds him/it unattractive to the point of being done with this than there is nothing wrong with her true/natural feelings, she should just tell him as calmly, politely and with as much empathy as she can.

She leaves. He's disappointed. The end, move on.

I'd feel the exact same way if I had ever "stumbled" on to some woman with a clitoral hood piercing. Yikes....so long.


----------



## JustTheWife

A must in every girl's bag of tricks. When you see an inadequate penis and you can't bring yourself to go through with it...

"Oh I'm sorry...i really can't go through with this...i have a boyfriend...i really need to go...I'm so sorry" It explains why all of the sudden you've changed your mind and makes it your problem, not his.


----------



## Lila

Mr. Nail said:


> Well to continue what may be construed as a total thread jack. At that point anything I could get would be a bonus so I'm selecting "embarrassment" and "hurt" or as so succinctly put by Sting, "
> "And every single meeting with his so-called superior
> Is a humiliating kick in the crotch
> Many miles away something crawls to the surface
> Of a dark Scottish loch "
> Let's face it, the look on her face was pretty much a total rejection of a part of him that he was really proud of, some would say that his identity was tied up in it. Emotionally she did kick him in the nethers, So why not go all the way. There is no easy let down from this (as if an easy let down was ever a good idea, or even worked).
> 
> I'm accepting the notion of continuous affirmative consent. once you have decided that you are so freaked out by a penis that you can't bear to touch it you have 2 choices. Run screaming, or kick it. I think telling him he was an asshole for having a penis was rude, ineffective, and made her look like a prat. If she had just punted his balls at least he would have had good story to tell. So would she, I guess.


Just so I understand you correctly, you would prefer that she just get up and go because once you're in that situation, there really is no good way to get out of it?


----------



## Blondilocks

Mr. Nail said:


> Well to continue what may be construed as a total thread jack. At that point anything I could get would be a bonus so I'm selecting "embarrassment" and "hurt" or as so succinctly put by Sting, "
> "And every single meeting with his so-called superior
> Is a humiliating kick in the crotch
> Many miles away something crawls to the surface
> Of a dark Scottish loch "
> Let's face it, the look on her face was pretty much a total rejection of *a part of him that he was really proud of, some would say that his identity was tied up in it.* Emotionally she did kick him in the nethers, So why not go all the way. There is no easy let down from this (as if an easy let down was ever a good idea, or even worked).
> 
> I'm accepting the notion of continuous affirmative consent. once you have decided that you are so freaked out by a penis that you can't bear to touch it you have 2 choices. Run screaming, or kick it. I think telling him he was an asshole for having a penis was rude, ineffective, and made her look like a prat. If she had just punted his balls at least he would have had good story to tell. So would she, I guess.


I just don't think I will ever, ever, ever understand this mentality.

Your last paragraph is a hoot!


----------



## Lila

JustTheWife said:


> A must in every girl's bag of tricks. When you see an inadequate penis and you can't bring yourself to go through with it...
> 
> "Oh I'm sorry...i really can't go through with this...i* have a boyfriend*...i really need to go...I'm so sorry" It explains why all of the sudden you've changed your mind and makes it your problem, not his.


Although I personally think a little white in order to avoid hurting his feelings is okay, I don't think making yourself look like a cheater is the way to go. I would never "take one for the team" but I also would try to avoid making the situation worse for all involved.


----------



## JustTheWife

Lila said:


> Although I personally think a little white in order to avoid hurting his feelings is okay, I don't think making yourself look like a cheater is the way to go. I would never "take one for the team" but I also would try to avoid making the situation worse for all involved.


Ok, then an easy variation: "OMG I'm really sorry. I just got out of a long term relationship and this doesn't feel right. I'm so sorry but I really should leave."


----------



## ConanHub

Blondilocks said:


> I just don't think I will ever, ever, ever understand this mentality.
> 
> Your last paragraph is a hoot!


He cracks me up but I don't get it either.😁😉


----------



## Blondilocks

I'm guessing that honesty is a bit old-fashioned for some. At least it affords the partner respect. You won't come off smelling like a rose no matter how you do it; but, you won't have to juggle your lies, either.


----------



## JustTheWife

Blondilocks said:


> I'm guessing that honesty is a bit old-fashioned for some. At least it affords the partner respect. You won't come off smelling like a rose no matter how you do it; but, you won't have to juggle your lies, either.


Sometimes girls need to do what we need to do to survive. Being honest about a guy's penis - size or other attribute? I did that once with an ex and i got a baseball bat. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Don't put yourself in a situation that you can't handle.


----------



## frusdil

hinterdir said:


> I'd feel the exact same way if I had ever "stumbled" on to some woman with a clitoral hood piercing. Yikes....so long.


That's a whole different thing though, there's a big difference between a body in its natural form and a piercing/scar etc.

I mean, penis' are meant to have foreskin, it's how they are made. It's what they look like.


----------



## Mr. Nail

It's pretty insulting when some one freaks out over a minor anatomical anomaly. But I would personally be much more insulted at being lied to. Even if it happens every day. As to the baseball bat, like penis insufficiency, that is something you should have figured out long before sex was on the horizon. But I give anyone a pass for lying to make a clean escape. 
Remember, I'm weird. You probably shouldn't apply my preference to any real world experience.


----------



## Affaircare

Yeah I have to admit I'm a little shocked by some of these responses. Sex is very intimate, close sharing with someone, and the first time or two isn't always sheer perfection. BUT if things were going along and suddenly I was presented with a penis of some type that I was not expecting, I'd be honest:

"Whoa! Okay just to say this out loud, that was not what I was expecting! Can we slow down a bit and maybe talk and look a little closer? I have questions now..." I mean, it's not a rejection of the guy or his penis, just surprise! Why not say you're surprised, and admit it kind of dampened your own mood, and then either learn more or just agree to call it quits? 

I get it--I'm kind of unusual in my methods--but I don't get sexual with someone until I know them well enough to have a close, deep friendship where we can both be transparently honest. So why not just tell the truth? I don't get it. 

Final thought--I've been wiht both circumsized and uncircumsized, and there are differences but there are differences in vaginas too: longer, shorter, wider, tighter... so to my mind the idea is to care about the person ATTACHED to the penis or vagina, and then adapt and overcome.


----------



## m.t.t

To me, this is a little bit weird. Here in Australia, most men are not circumcised. I have been with both, it's not that different. My take on it if you are into a guy enough to sleep with them why not accept them as they are? If you were about to have sex with a man and he recoiled in disgust because you had a vagina style that he wasn't used to we would be calling him a jerk I'm sure. Some women have longer inner lips and some don't. Is that disgusting? um no. Poor guy, I feel very sorry for him. I think your friend was just awful to another human.


----------



## In Absentia

As a uncircumcised man, I find this thread rather amusing. Just because you are uncircumcised, it doesn't mean you suffer from phimosis. That's rare. In most uncircumcised men, the skin retracts when erect. There is really very little difference. People think it's more hygienic being circumcised, but that doesn't mean most uncircumcised men are non hygienic. In Europe, where I'm from, less that 20% of men are circumcised (higher rate amongst Muslim men). All is relative...


----------



## JustTheWife

In Absentia said:


> As a uncircumcised man, I find this thread rather amusing. Just because you are uncircumcised, it doesn't mean you suffer from phimosis. That's rare. In most uncircumcised men, the skin retracts when erect. There is really very little difference. People think it's more hygienic being circumcised, but that doesn't mean most uncircumcised men are non hygienic. In Europe, where I'm from, less that 20% of men are circumcised (higher rate amongst Muslim men). All is relative...


I agree. A lot on this thread sounds funny to me too. It's all over the place and mixed up. From my experience, not all foreskins retract automatically fully when erect. I don't think it's abnormal if they don't. I don't know anything about phimosis except for looking it up out of curiosity but I agree with you that it's a rare condition. That's really confused this thread since it's not even clear that this poor guy had that condition - probably just had a normal penis! So some are talking about abnormal penises with phimosis and others are talking about just uncircumcized ones. 

I'm in the USA and it's not rare for guys to be uncircumcized here (just my experience). So the idea that a guy should "warn" a potential partner about being uncircumcized just sounds weird. It's like trying to tell a woman that she should warn a guy that she has protruding labia (per another comment here) or that she's not completely shaven, or that her nipples are "too big" or "too small", or something else that is completely normal. Or telling a guy that he should warn a woman that his penis is smaller than average so that she has the option of getting up and walking away. Or that it's darker in color than the skin on the rest of the body.

Sex with a new person is like a learning experience. You have no idea what they will be like physically or what they would do and how they would do it. I can't imagine mapping everything out ahead of time just so that there would be no surprises. And it's harmful to suggest that people with perfectly normal bodies should feel that they need to "warn" potential partners. The only thing that people should feel a responsibility to disclose is if they have an STD.


----------



## Lila

m.t.t said:


> To me, this is a little bit weird. Here in Australia, most men are not circumcised. I have been with both, it's not that different. My take on it if you are into a guy enough to sleep with them why not accept them as they are? If you were about to have sex with a man and he recoiled in disgust because you had a vagina style that he wasn't used to we would be calling him a jerk I'm sure. Some women have longer inner lips and some don't. Is that disgusting? um no. Poor guy, I feel very sorry for him. I think your friend was just awful to another human.


Do you think she should have gone through it with the sex when she was completely turned off by what she saw?


----------



## Lila

In Absentia said:


> As a uncircumcised man, I find this thread rather amusing. Just because you are uncircumcised, it doesn't mean you suffer from phimosis. That's rare. In most uncircumcised men, the skin retracts when erect. There is really very little difference. People think it's more hygienic being circumcised, but that doesn't mean most uncircumcised men are non hygienic. In Europe, where I'm from, less that 20% of men are circumcised (higher rate amongst Muslim men). All is relative...


I've tried to clean up the thread to focus on the specific issue that was experienced. I don't want this to turn into a preference thread, but did you read the OP and see the attached photograph?

I do agree that phimosis is not common and, if what I've seen in videos is correct, an uncircumcised erect penis doesn't look much different than an uncircumcised one. But what my friend's date had sounds like phimosis (see attached OP pic - level 3) where the head was almost entirely covered. I grant that it could have been lots of foreskin but wouldn't it have retracted when erect?

If you had run into a similar scenario in the OP, how would you have liked the woman to handle it? And your perspective counts double because you are uncircumcised and it's love to hear your thoughts.


----------



## In Absentia

Lila said:


> I grant that it could have been lots of foreskin but wouldn't it have retracted when erect?
> 
> If you had run into a similar scenario in the OP, how would you have liked the woman to handle it? And your perspective counts double because you are uncircumcised and it's love to hear your thoughts.


It wouldn't necessarily retract. Maybe he needed to do it manually? In the lady's shoes, I would have just asked the guy... does it always stay like that? Any chance we can see a bit of the head? In a kind of ligth-hearted way... I'm pretty sure he only needed it to expose manually, especially if the foreskin is tight.


----------



## Lila

In Absentia said:


> It wouldn't necessarily retract. Maybe he needed to do it manually? In the lady's shoes, I would have just asked the guy... does it always stay like that? Any chance we can see a bit of the head? In a kind of ligth-hearted way... I'm pretty sure he only needed it to expose manually, especially if the foreskin is tight.


This sounds like an easy enough thing to ask. 

Let's assume that she doesn't like what she sees and doesn't want to proceed. How would you want her to handle that situation?


----------



## In Absentia

Lila said:


> Let's assume that she doesn't like what she sees and doesn't want to proceed. How would you want her to handle that situation?


Pretend I'm getting my period? All of a sudden... totally unexpected...


----------



## Blondilocks

In Absentia said:


> It wouldn't necessarily retract. Maybe he needed to do it manually? In the lady's shoes, I would have just asked the guy... does it always stay like that? Any chance we can see a bit of the head? In a kind of ligth-hearted way... I'm pretty sure he only needed it to expose manually, especially if the foreskin is tight.


Perhaps you'll indulge a personal question: if the foreskin is not retracted, does the man have a loss of sensation during sex? I'm thinking yes which would make the case for a circumcision.


----------



## In Absentia

Blondilocks said:


> Perhaps you'll indulge a personal question: if the foreskin is not retracted, does the man have a loss of sensation during sex? I'm thinking yes which would make the case for a circumcision.


I will indulge...  I've never had sex with the foreskin "on"... with my penis, it just doesn't happen. It's always out waving hello...  If the foreskin doesn't retract, you definitely would have loss of sensation, probably like with a condom but 10 times worse. So, in this case, circumcision for sure...


----------



## Blondilocks

JustTheWife said:


> Sometimes girls need to do what we need to do to survive. Being honest about a guy's penis - size or other attribute? I did that once with an ex and i got a baseball bat. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Don't put yourself in a situation that you can't handle.


This scenario really wasn't about the guy's penis per se. It was about the woman's inability to graciously extract herself from an unexpected situation. 

I wouldn't be throwing her any surprise birthday parties.


----------



## Blondilocks

Tdbo said:


> This won't be popular, but.....................
> I'll say this much as a circumcised male who has been with a number of women.
> Who sits around with a partner and discusses whether they are cut or not?
> *I've never been in a situation where my penis had to submit a resume complete with photos before having sex.*
> They never really cared as long as I had one and knew how to use it.
> It performs the same function. The real issue is hygiene. If the guy takes care of his junk, what's the issue?
> Frankly, a woman who would judge a guy over this issue is as shallow as a guy who would judge a female because of the size of their breasts. Simply put, who wants to be with them anyway.
> When one thinks about it, the uncircumcised males are really the natural ones. The men who are cut are truly the unnatural ones


I think we have found the reason for all of those unsolicited penis pics women get from o.l.d. apps.


----------



## 2&out

I think a straight forward I'm sorry I have decided to not continue this and calmly dress and leave is appropriate and all that is needed. It's the last time they will see each other "dating" anyway - there is no future for the relationship.


----------



## Married_in_michigan

Lila said:


> What would you suggest to be more appropriate way to approach it assuming the person has no intention of having sex with that potential sexual partner?
> 
> And now that I've thought about it, this is not something specific to just penis traits. It could be any particular physical trait, female or male, that is unknown until the clothes start coming off.


good point...and not sure I know the best way to handle it. Always ok to say no to sex, but I would rather it not make one person feel like ****


----------



## JustTheWife

Blondilocks said:


> This scenario really wasn't about the guy's penis per se. It was about the woman's inability to graciously extract herself from an unexpected situation.
> 
> I wouldn't be throwing her any surprise birthday parties.


I agree. And my response wasn't necessarily limited to "penis issues". Your point (as I understood it) was about the value of honesty in those kinds of situations. My point was simply that your personal safety and your ability to send a completely clear, unambiguous, and decisive message may be more important than being totally honest.


----------



## JustTheWife

In Absentia said:


> Pretend I'm getting my period? All of a sudden... totally unexpected...


Ummm....not sure how to say this delicately...but you might just end up having to suck it instead . On a serious note, that's why I suggested something that leaves less room for misunderstanding. If you say you're on your period, he'll likely just want to shift to some other activity.

In sexual situations and when trying to set limits with a guy, being clear and unambiguous is important. As is maintaining your own personal safety. 

This is a very hypothetical question/scenario and of course it depends what your objective is - get out of there? just avoid intercourse? just avoid oral? OK with hand? want to put your clothes back on and continue the "date" in a nonsexual way?


----------



## Blondilocks

@Lila, was that the end of it for your friend or have they seen each other since?


----------



## Lila

Blondilocks said:


> @Lila, was that the end of it for your friend or have they seen each other since?


Not just "no" but a "hell to the no". 

From what she described, her awkwardness/shock (disappointment even) upon seeing his penis really pissed him off. I can't remember all of the details exactly but he made snide remarks and she responded in kind. Like I said, it ended badly.


----------



## pastasauce79

I would have excused myself to the bathroom and stayed there for a while until things calmed down and then I would have told the guy I wasn't really ready to have sex.

For the guy to feel hurt I'm guessing her reaction was not subtle at all, which is understandable. I think some penises look very grotesque. 

This reminds me of a time when I was changing one of my friends son's diaper. This kids was circumcised and I was shocked! I've never seen a circumcised boy before. I thought, what the heck is wrong with his penis? It took me a second to realize. Lol!


----------



## Lila

pastasauce79 said:


> *I would have excused myself to the bathroom and stayed there for a while until things calmed down and then I would have told the guy I wasn't really ready to have sex.*
> 
> For the guy to feel hurt I'm guessing her reaction was not subtle at all, which is understandable. I think some penises look very grotesque.
> 
> This reminds me of a time when I was changing one of my friends son's diaper. This kids was circumcised and I was shocked! I've never seen a circumcised boy before. I thought, what the heck is wrong with his penis? It took me a second to realize. Lol!


@pastasauce79, this is brilliant! Buy time in the bathroom. Not something I would have automatically thought to do. Keeping it simple really is the answer to most dilemmas in life.


----------



## Openminded

Maybe alcohol was involved and her filter completely disappeared. Whatever the reason, the way she reacted was wrong.


----------



## Lila

Openminded said:


> Maybe alcohol was involved and her filter completely disappeared. Whatever the reason, the way she reacted was wrong.


I don't think alcohol was involved or that her filter completely disappeared but I do think she was awkward with her response. It was clearly taken by surprise and that clearly wasn't the reaction he was expecting. 

All that aside, I didn't start this thread to place blame on one or the other but instead to discuss how we each would react to being placed in that scenario. I thought it would make for a good thread topic only because we can replace "phimosis" with any other unexpected issue and probably use the same advice.


----------



## Openminded

Lila said:


> I don't think alcohol was involved or that her filter completely disappeared but I do think she was awkward with her response. It was clearly taken by surprise and that clearly wasn't the reaction he was expecting.
> 
> All that aside, I didn't start this thread to place blame on one or the other but instead to discuss how we each would react to being placed in that scenario. I thought it would make for a good thread topic only because we can replace "phimosis" with any other unexpected issue and probably use the same advice.


I’m not of her generation, and I’m certainly not part of how things are currently done, but I would not have reacted at all because I wouldn’t have wanted to embarrass him. So, yes, clothes off meant I would have gone through with it.


----------



## pastasauce79

Lila said:


> @pastasauce79, this is brilliant! Buy time in the bathroom. Not something I would have automatically thought to do. Keeping it simple really is the answer to most dilemmas in life.


This is if I manage to keep my surprise a secret. 
I think it's totally normal to get freaked out. Some people are not good at hiding shock or surprise. Like I said, I find some penises very grotesque and not attractive at all. 

How's your friend doing after the traumatic event? Lol!


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> @pastasauce79, this is brilliant! Buy time in the bathroom. Not something I would have automatically thought to do. Keeping it simple really is the answer to most dilemmas in life.


Gotta say @pastasauce79 came up aces here.


----------



## ConanHub

My sister in law had a very awkward moment like this and told Mrs. Conan why she couldn't be with a mutual friend of ours. He was odd down there and it just freaked her out too much to continue with him.

I think she tried to overcome her revulsion because he was really nice but after being with him a couple times, she had to get away.

It would have been better if she just stopped when she got her hands on something she didn't like and backed out gracefully or not.


----------



## Lila

Openminded said:


> I’m not of her generation, and I’m certainly not part of how things are currently done, but I would not have reacted at all because I wouldn’t have wanted to embarrass him. So, yes, clothes off meant I would have gone through with it.


I find your response interesting and would probably make a great conversation topic in the ladies lounge but can I ask you taboo question? What generation (give or take a decade) are you?


----------



## Lila

pastasauce79 said:


> This is if I manage to keep my surprise a secret.
> I think it's totally normal to get freaked out. Some people are not good at hiding shock or surprise. Like I said, I find some penises very grotesque and not attractive at all.
> 
> How's your friend doing after the traumatic event? Lol!



LOL, she's fine. No long lasting effects to report.

She's actually a very nice lady. One I should probably call to catch up today.


----------



## Openminded

Lila said:


> I find your response interesting and would probably make a great conversation topic in the ladies lounge but can I ask you taboo question? What generation (give or take a decade) are you?


Part of the early Boomers. A much different time than now. I can’t even relate.


----------



## Personal

Lila said:


> Anyways, I have no personal sexual experience with uncircumcised men but based on what I've seen in porn my first reaction was "what's the big freaking deal. for the most part, it doesn't look THAT different". However I realized when she shared a description that the poor man had phimosis. At that point it made sense why she was taken aback. Again, I haven't had this experience in real life but still remember studying about phimosis in college and seeing the drawings. It looks quite different from an uncircumcised penis.
> 
> I still to this day don't know how I would have reacted but I'm not one to throw a good lesson away. I have made a mental note to ask future partners about circumcision BEFORE happy, jolly, fun times.
> 
> TAM ladies, how would you have handled this situation?
> 
> TAM gentlemen, how would you prefer a situation like this be handled by a potential sexual partner?


Yep it would be a stretch (pun intended) for it to be phimosis, since it isn't that common.

Being Australian born in 1971, like most males born here from the 1970s onwards, I am uncircumcised. Of which it has never become an issue with any of my sexual partners. Which includes women from Oceania, Europe, the Middle East, South America and Asia. Which for the most part sees those women coming from places, where uncircumcised males are the majority. I suspect one of the reasons why it hasn't been an issue for me, in part is because I have never had sex with a woman from North America where circumcision is rampant.

As to circumcision being a thing to ask about prior to sex, I've never had such a conversation with anyone I have been with or tried to be with. That would seem odd to me, yet I have no idea if it is odd for where you come form. At least in my experience it simply hasn't ever been a topic of conversation even through having an enormous amount of frequent vaginal, oral and anal sex with different women ever since I was 17.

One thing though I can relate that on very limited occasion when my penis is erect, it will present as a Type III in the illustration you posted. Yet I certainly don't have phimosis.

That said for the most part without any intervention (touch) when my penis becomes erect. The foreskin pulls completely back and conforms tightly around the shaft with no discernible difference in circumference along the shaft behind the corona and stays back till after sex.

On the other hand when it does present looking like the Type III illustration, having a hand move up and down the shaft always pulls the foreskin back, where it stays back until after sex. While likewise in every instance if it isn't already retracted either naturally or through touch, it will also immediately retract tightly around the shaft on entry into a mouth, vagina or anus and remain so until after sex. To the point (pun intended) that after sex, the foreskin doesn't always return to it's place without my pulling it forward afterwards.

So just because a mans foreskin doesn't always retract in the first instance of an erection, doesn't mean they have phimosis at all.

As to hygiene, manky people will be manky people regardless of circumcision or otherwise. It isn't difficult to keep clean, and doesn't take any appreciable time to pull the skin back and clean it properly.

As to genitalia not looking aesthetically pleasing or any other body part, that is something that happens with any gender. Not all penises look good just as not all vulvas look good either. There's not much that can be done about it, so it's hardly anyones fault. Yet that doesn't mean anyone ought to persevere with something that they don't like.

At the end of the day if your friend didn't want to play with his uncircumcised appendage she should feel free not to. Although chances are it was highly likely his foreskin would have pulled back and looked pretty much like a circumcised one in action with no trouble at all.

As to my now preference I would be okay with a woman on sight of it, saying she didn't want to have sex with me because she didn't like uncircumcised ****. Sure given such a situation I would be disappointed, presuming I didn't feel the same way about her. Yet I have no problem with anyone changing their mind and withdrawing consent at any point going forward even after commencing sexual intercourse.

I might ask if she had been with an uncircumcised guy before, if she said "no" I might say, "well then you'll be in for a treat with me". Yet if she still didn't want to I'd leave her be with "that's your loss", and after saying "goodnight" I'd be on my way.


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## Not

I’ve actually been in this exact scenario but it was a different penile condition. I was expecting to see an average looking penis of whatever size it happened to be but was shocked to see that it was something I’d never seen before, I was totally caught off guard.

My first reaction to it was pity, I felt sorry that he had to go through life that way and felt sure he had suffered for it so I did my best to act normally. I really liked the person behind the penis and wanted to make him feel comfortable. I treated him the same way I would have treated a man with a “normal” penis.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Ok, we're finally down to another peen thread


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Not said:


> I’ve actually been in this exact scenario but it was a different *penile condition*. I was expecting to see an average looking penis of whatever size it happened to be but was shocked to see that it was something I’d never seen before, I was totally caught off guard.
> 
> My first reaction to it was pity, I felt sorry that he had to go through life that way and felt sure he had suffered for it so I did my best to act normally. I really liked the person behind the penis and wanted to make him feel comfortable. I treated him the same way I would have treated a man with a “normal” penis.


I'm gonna regret this, but, what exactly was this penile condition and was it contagious?


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## Lila

Not said:


> I’ve actually been in this exact scenario but it was a different penile condition. I was expecting to see an average looking penis of whatever size it happened to be but was shocked to see that it was something I’d never seen before, I was totally caught off guard.
> 
> My first reaction to it was pity, I felt sorry that he had to go through life that way and felt sure he had suffered for it so I did my best to act normally. I really liked the person behind the penis and wanted to make him feel comfortable. I treated him the same way I would have treated a man with a “normal” penis.



I'm being nosey but did you have sex with him? Did you keep dating her m afterwards?


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## notmyjamie

One of my past partners was not circumcised and no, you could not see the head of his penis when he was erect unless you pulled the foreskin back. Honestly, if your friend reacted that badly so as to piss him off she probably went too far in her reactions. He is not a freak for God's sake. Most men in the world are NOT circumcised so it's not like he's some rare creature or anything. 

I did not realize my previous partner was not circumcised until the first time we got intimate. I saw it, thought, "oh okay" and moved on with things. To be quite honest, I find the non-circumcised penis easier to "work with" during foreplay. I would never say I'm disappointed if a man is circumcised but it is easier for me to be intimate with a man who isn't. 

But, even if I was not into it, I would certainly hope I would not ever make the poor man feel awful about himself. How would she have felt if she took her bra off and he said something horrible about her breasts? Those come in all shapes and sizes too and what if he was into small ones and she was big or vice versa? I'm sure she wouldn't have appreciated it if he saw her breasts and said "oh gross!!! You should have warned me about your boobs!!"

I guess if it really matters to someone that much they should discuss it ahead of time. I would pity the woman that misses out on an otherwise great guy that she could have a nice life with simply because of the appearance of his penis. The same is true for a man who would miss out on an otherwise great woman because of the size of her breasts. But, we all have our preferences and if you can't get past it, be up front about it and save everyone some heartache.


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## Lila

notmyjamie said:


> One of my past partners was not circumcised and no, you could not see the head of his penis when he was erect unless you pulled the foreskin back. Honestly, if your friend reacted that badly so as to piss him off she probably went too far in her reactions. He is not a freak for God's sake. Most men in the world are NOT circumcised so it's not like he's some rare creature or anything.
> 
> I did not realize my previous partner was not circumcised until the first time we got intimate. I saw it, thought, "oh okay" and moved on with things. To be quite honest, I find the non-circumcised penis easier to "work with" during foreplay. I would never say I'm disappointed if a man is circumcised but it is easier for me to be intimate with a man who isn't.
> 
> But, even if I was not into it, I would certainly hope I would not ever make the poor man feel awful about himself. How would she have felt if she took her bra off and he said something horrible about her breasts? Those come in all shapes and sizes too and what if he was into small ones and she was big or vice versa? I'm sure she wouldn't have appreciated it if he saw her breasts and said "oh gross!!! You should have warned me about your boobs!!"
> 
> I guess if it really matters to someone that much they should discuss it ahead of time. I would pity the woman that misses out on an otherwise great guy that she could have a nice life with simply because of the appearance of his penis. The same is true for a man who would miss out on an otherwise great woman because of the size of her breasts. But, we all have our preferences and if you can't get past it, be up front about it and save everyone some heartache.


I want to avoid turning this into a circumcised vs uncircumcised penis thread. Did you read the OP and see the pic I attached? From her description, it was noticeably different. Based on her description, it looked like the Level III in that pic and he was erect. How would you have reacted to the situation seeing a penis like the Level III in the pic?


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## Lila

And for those that can't wrap phimosis around their heads (no pun intended), use a different preference? Scars, significantly asymmetric breasts, the all powerful shape wear (a.k.a. Spanx) to hide fat/extra skin.... Anything that's unexpected.


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## notmyjamie

Lila said:


> I want to avoid turning this into a circumcised vs uncircumcised penis thread. Did you read the OP and see the pic I attached? From her description, it was noticeably different. Based on her description, it looked like the Level III in that pic and he was erect. How would you have reacted to the situation seeing a penis like the Level III in the pic?


I did and that's exactly what my ex boyfriend looked like. He had a large amount of foreskin so even erect, the head of the penis did not protrude unless the foreskin was pulled back. I reacted exactly the way I described above. "Oh...guess he's not circumcised" and went on with the activities. I wasn't trying to be pro or against circumcisions as if a guy is a great guy, that really doesn't matter to me, which is what I was trying to say. I find foreplay a little easier but other than that I have no preference. I care about if it's disease free and the man attached to it knows how to use it properly. 

I think it's a shame that her reaction was so poor that it devolved into what you describe between them. I'm going to guess she made him feel very badly about himself and if they live in the US he's probably come up against this before unfortunately. I once worked with a guy who was not circumcised and he came up against this so much that he ended up getting a circumcision in his 20's because so many women reacted so poorly to his penis. I felt really bad for him.


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## Lila

notmyjamie said:


> I did and that's exactly what my ex boyfriend looked like. He had a large amount of foreskin so even erect, the head of the penis did not protrude unless the foreskin was pulled back. I reacted exactly the way I described above. "Oh...guess he's not circumcised" and went on with the activities. I wasn't trying to be pro or against circumcisions as if a guy is a great guy, that really doesn't matter to me, which is what I was trying to say. I find foreplay a little easier but other than that I have no preference. I care about if it's disease free and the man attached to it knows how to use it properly.
> 
> I think it's a shame that her reaction was so poor that it devolved into what you describe between them. I'm going to guess she made him feel very badly about himself and if they live in the US he's probably come up against this before unfortunately. I once worked with a guy who was not circumcised and he came up against this so much that he ended up getting a circumcision in his 20's because so many women reacted so poorly to his penis. I felt really bad for him.



I just don't know what reaction, short of proceeding with sex, is not going to sound poor. I mean, how do you kindly get out of a situation like that?


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## She'sStillGotIt

*


WandaJ said:



he would put it in you, and you would have no idea at all

Click to expand...

*LOL...maybe in a "Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am" scenario.

But in any *other *scenario where there's actually foreplay and oral sex and everything else going on, she's going to see that sucker up close and personal.


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## Not

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm gonna regret this, but, what exactly was this penile condition and was it contagious?


It was either Peyronie’s disease or congenital penile curvature, either way it was severe. He was also very small so that mad things much worse.


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## Not

Lila said:


> I'm being nosey but did you have sex with him? Did you keep dating her m afterwards?


I did have sex with him that night and we dated for another two months.


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## notmyjamie

Lila said:


> I just don't know what reaction, short of proceeding with sex, is not going to sound poor. I mean, how do you kindly get out of a situation like that?


"I'm sorry, but I've never seen a penis look like that. Is something wrong, is it painful?" If the answer is just "nothing wrong, I just have a lot of foreskin but it all works just fine" and she still can't handle it then she has to just say "I'm sorry, but I think I've changed my mind about this, I'm not sure I know you well enough" and leave quickly. It will still suck for him but it won't be the two of them yelling at each other. Later she could follow up and say "I had to do some research because I've never seen that and we can't be too careful with diseases and stuff. I have friends that have been lied to and caught stuff. I'm not saying you're like that but I guess I just don't know you well enough yet to really know that"

After that it's up to him to be an adult about it or be a baby about it.


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## Lila

notmyjamie said:


> "I'm sorry, but I've never seen a penis look like that. Is something wrong, is it painful?" If the answer is just "nothing wrong, I just have a lot of foreskin but it all works just fine" and she still can't handle it then she has to just say *"I'm sorry, but I think I've changed my mind about this, I'm not sure I know you well enough*" and leave quickly. It will still suck for him but it won't be the two of them yelling at each other. Later she could follow up and say "I had to do some research because I've never seen that and we can't be too careful with diseases and stuff. I have friends that have been lied to and caught stuff. I'm not saying you're like that but I guess I just don't know you well enough yet to really know that"
> 
> After that it's up to him to be an adult about it or be a baby about it.


I think this sounds great but does it work in real life? Do guys just graciously accept being judged as more or less inadequate? It's gotta be painful.

ETA:. And this could all just be me projecting my insecurities in a similar situation. I would be devastated if the shoe was on the other foot.


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## notmyjamie

Lila said:


> I think this sounds great but does it work in real life? Do guys just graciously accept being judged as more or less inadequate? It's gotta be painful.
> 
> ETA:. And this could all just be me projecting my insecurities in a similar situation. I would be devastated if the shoe was on the other foot.


I'm sure a mature reasonable adult would respond positively. A big ass immature baby would tell her to **** off. But by then, she'd realize she dodged a big bullet.


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## notmyjamie

notmyjamie said:


> I'm sure a mature reasonable adult would respond positively. A big ass immature baby would tell her to **** off. But by then, she'd realize she dodged a big bullet.



Not exactly the same thing, but I had a breast reduction last year. My first time with my boyfriend I warned him about the scars. He told me it didn't matter to him. We proceeded with the evenings events. Afterwards, he told me he barely noticed them." That was a lie. They were still quite noticeable at that time. Now, not so much. He recently said "your scars have faded so much I can hardly see them." I busted him and said "You said you could barely see them the first time we were together." He said "ok...I lied...I didn't want you to feel badly about them. They didn't matter to me at all." And that just made me love him more. 

We all have stuff we're afraid to show a new person. That new person has a responsibility to handle it well.


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## lucy999

I'm kind of a curious weirdo. I've never had an uncircumsized guy. If I'd been in that situation, I would've told him it was his lucky day--he was my first uncut dude! Then I would ask, is it painful? It looks like it is. Then I'd ask him to show me how to pull back the foreskin. That'd be my chance to see if he's kept it clean without asking him point blank, are you clean under there?

If he passed the sniff test, I'd take it for a test drive.

But--if I was repulsed like your friend was, I'd probably bite the bullet and take one for the team and then GTFO (assuming he was hygienically kept and she was turned of by mere appearance). I would never want to hurt his feelings, just like I would never want anyone to hurt my feelings if they considered any part of my anatomy freakish.


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## Bobbyjo

Lila said:


> The circumcision legality thread reminded me of a situation a friend shared with me last year where I was honestly stumped as to what I would have done in that situation.
> 
> My girlfriend confided in me that the new guy she was dating was uncircumcised. She was so bothered by it that she could not bring herself to have sex with him. To add insult to injury, she didn't find out that he was uncircumcised until things were hot and heavy, and well on their way to "happy, jolly, good times". I cringed when she told me how things went after that discovery. Let's just say embarrassment, anger, hurt were all involved and there was lots of finger pointing over who was the bigger asshole.
> 
> Anyways, I have no personal sexual experience with uncircumcised men but based on what I've seen in porn my first reaction was "what's the big freaking deal. for the most part, it doesn't look THAT different". However I realized when she shared a description that the poor man had phimosis. At that point it made sense why she was taken aback. Again, I haven't had this experience in real life but still remember studying about phimosis in college and seeing the drawings. It looks quite different from an uncircumcised penis.
> 
> I still to this day don't know how I would have reacted but I'm not one to throw a good lesson away. I have made a mental note to ask future partners about circumcision BEFORE happy, jolly, fun times.
> 
> TAM ladies, how would you have handled this situation?
> 
> TAM gentlemen, how would you prefer a situation like this be handled by a potential sexual partner?
> 
> 
> EDIT:.
> 
> Let me make one correction.... I don't know for sure it was phimosis but only assumed based on her description. She said the head was not visible and he was erect. I added a medical journal drawing to show what she described to me. Best I can tell it looked like Type III in the diagram. Could it just have had a lot of foreskin?


Wow...feeling like one of those YouTube moments and asking myself...how the heck did I end up here😂.
I guess my take on it is that if it’s much of a big deal for her, then he’s not the right guy for her. She shouldn’t drag him through more time if it’s a deal breaker for her.


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## pastasauce79

lucy999 said:


> I'm kind of a curious weirdo. I've never had an uncircumsized guy. If I'd been in that situation, I would've told him it was his lucky day--he was my first uncut dude! Then I would ask, is it painful? It looks like it is. Then I'd ask him to show me how to pull back the foreskin. That'd be my chance to see if he's kept it clean without asking him point blank, are you clean under there?
> 
> If he passed the sniff test, I'd take it for a test drive.
> 
> But--if I was repulsed like your friend was, I'd probably bite the bullet and take one for the team and then GTFO (assuming he was hygienically kept and she was turned of by mere appearance). I would never want to hurt his feelings, just like I would never want anyone to hurt my feelings if they considered any part of my anatomy freakish.


You are hilarious!! "Today is your lucky day" made me lol!!!


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