# Wild Oats (for the girls)



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Not sure to post here but it kinda does come up in here so someone can move if they choose

I've noticed in the DD CM thread again a comment about the 'I had never had my wild sex time in my early 20's' as a subconscious delayed excuse for later straying outside the marriage. 

In mstbxw it built up 'inside' and in my own marriage become a weird retrospective back dated area for great resentment that was later flung at me as one of the few odd reasons for her later behavior

Frankly I think that's complete b***ocks. If you happily fell in love with someone and during that time were happy and fulfilled how can you then ten years later start using it as a reason for previous 'resentment and unhappiness !!?? mmm... 

However I have noticed this 'reason' appearing more and more and have not noticed it said by men!

I probably am wrong but really this is an exclusive woman thing as far as I can see and I've noticed it more and more. One of my best friends said last night to me his wife a couple of years ago said the same thing 

So girls is this a factor in your psyche? 

I have not honestly heard this from a man once - maybe I've missed it.

Personally I never felt that and I did also explain to my stbxw "it's also not all it's cracked up to be either so you probably did'nt miss that much" but she went on to sow her wild oats in her later 20's and throughout her 30's as it seems almost some kind of weird punishment 

Is this a girl thing ?


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

No, and it's just an excuse anyway. Both my ex and I had done plenty of wild oat sowing before we met. In fact he always use it as the reason he would never stray....

In my opinion doing so when you're 18 is a hell of a lot different to doing it when you're 35 anway - it's not just about having lots of sex, it's about being young and carefree and having no responsibilities and being adventurous. Bit different when you've got kids and a mortgage to pay and have to get up for work at 6am. Women who suddenly say they want to do this are just looking for an excuse to walk away from a relationship I reckon


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Women don't sow wild oats, they gather them. If they failed to ride the c0ck carousel when they were younger, it's never a problem for them until they decide they're through with you. Then ride they must. And ride they will.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

How can "i didn't try enough penises" sound good as an excuse. I really don't get that!

There isn't some sort of entitled quota of penises you can try when you're young or when you're older. If a guy ever tried to use similar stuff as an excuse he would be crucified anywhere.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I think having a 'wild sex time' is overrated. I chose to have sex within a committed relationship.

If a woman makes this statement it's because she's done with YOU not because of this lame excuse.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Yes, it's a girl thing. 

I've said this before and I guess I will say it again now. Women love to chase things. An unfair but quick and generally true way to put it is to say that women are drama queens- a sentiment that is a bit accurate but is by no means complete. They love a mystery and more so they love to be the ones who solve it. They're like cats-- they'll chase something around until it stops moving, and then they simply don't care. 

Wanting is better than having. It is not logical, but it is often true. 

You find a homeless dog, and take him in, feed him, brush him, raise him, vaccinate him and love him... that dog is going to think you're God. 

If you do the same thing to a cat she's going to think she's God. 

I can't tell you the number of cases where couples come in, and the woman has cheated and yet has no fault or blame to put on her husband- the one who provides, loves, and sacrifices for her. I ask them why, what hole is in their lives that causes them to resort to this kind of horrible behavior. 

They try to conjure up reasons, all of them complex and verbose, but the truth is they're just bored and greedy. And that is a horrible combination; people do some of the worst things when they're bored and greedy, as you no doubt know. I see it happening all the time, and then I come here and try not to laugh when people act like there's some mysterious key that must be discovered. I'm telling you. _You treat a woman like a queen, she will one day despise you._


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I sowed a few oats, but I regret it more or less. It's fun in the moment but also empty and vacuous. 

That said, I never dreamed of cheating or straying, and my H, for whom I was #2, did. So go figure.

I agree with what everyone seems to be saying--when a cheater wants to cheat, they have to rationalize it. This is because they took vows of life-long fidelity. So to do what you want in violation of those vows, you have to come up with some good-to-you reasons. Whichever one is handy will do. The ultimate "why," always is, because I was too selfish and/or cowardly to stop myself or to ask for a divorce or counseling. The 'wild oats' thing just assuages their consciences.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

iheartlife said:


> I sowed a few oats, but I regret it more or less. It's fun in the moment but also empty and vacuous.
> 
> That said, I never dreamed of cheating or straying, and my H, for whom I was #2, did. So go figure.
> 
> I agree with what everyone seems to be saying--when a cheater wants to cheat, they have to rationalize it. This is because they took vows of life-long fidelity. So to do what you want in violation of those vows, you have to come up with some good-to-you reasons. Whichever one is handy will do. The ultimate "why," always is, because I was too selfish and/or cowardly to stop myself or to ask for a divorce or counseling. The 'wild oats' thing just assuages their consciences.


Your good example here really shows that we cannot constrain anyone to a particular mold, even if we see general patterns emerging from the masses. I'm sorry for what you've gone through. Cheating is horrible.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

It's probably a woman thing, but it is just as invalid as when guys say "we are biologically wired to spread our seed". Just an excuse.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

It is the female excuse for becoming a *****.

On a personal note, I became a mother and wife at age 20. I am now 34. While I do have a bucket list, one of which was to dance on a bar, it is kept clean. I got to dance on the bar top at the place I work in jeans and a baseball jersey with my girl friends. And we do go out an have a few drinks, but I am always the one keeping the girls in line. I am known as "Mom" to my coworkers and customers. There are plenty of women that did not "sow the oats" in their 20s, but remain classy and faithful.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> It's probably a woman thing, but it is just as invalid as when guys say "we are biologically wired to spread our seed". Just an excuse.


Agreed....we are all biologically wired to do a lot if things....doesnt mean we do them.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> c0ck carousel


:lol: :rofl: :rofl:


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I met my ex at 16, he took my virginity, I stayed with him for 14 years and never strayed on him despite a really lousy marriage. Got married to my current hubby 11 1/2 years ago, he was my second, and I have never strayed on him either despite him doing so to me. I have never really felt the urge to 'gather wild oats' either, despite a libido spike about 15 years ago that hasn't really gone away. So I call BS.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

WhiteMousse said:


> I'm telling you. _You treat a woman like a queen, she will one day despise you._


Truer words were never typed.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

costa200 said:


> How can "i didn't try enough penises" sound good as an excuse. I really don't get that!
> 
> There isn't some sort of entitled quota of penises you can try when you're young or when you're older. If a guy ever tried to use similar stuff as an excuse he would be crucified anywhere.


Good point. If you feel you haven't yet sown all your wild oats....than DON'T GET MARRIED. 

It is socially acceptable for single people to have sex today. No reason to get married if you don't really love someone enough to commit to them.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

WhiteMousse said:


> I'm telling you. _You treat a woman like a queen, she will one day despise you._


Although I like your post in it's entirety, I have to quibble with this part. 

It needs to be modified to state:

*I'm telling you if you treat the wrong type of person like a Queen or a King in a marriage they will likely disrespect you.*

I really think that most cheaters man or woman don't despise their spouse, they just want some nooky on the side and feel entitled to go after it.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I did sow my oats in my 20s but was 100% faithful to my ex-husband. Being a bit wild in your youth does not make you a sl*t for life yo


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

wiigirl said:


> Agreed....we are all biologically wired to do a lot if things....doesnt mean we do them.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Exactly, it's called evolution and being civilized.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm not sure it's totally a woman thing. Actually, it's my husband who has, of late, expressed the sentiment that he sort of regrets not getting to "play the field" more when he was younger. He feels like he missed out on sowing his wild oats because we married young. He also clearly resents it now.

What he conveniently forgets is that we didn't have to get married. He surprised me with the proposal, totally of his own volition, and we were engaged for over a year. There was no compulsion for him to marry me, and there was plenty of time for him to get out if he didn't want to get married. He was a grown man and a college graduate. It's not like I pressured, begged, or coerced him into anything. No one's arm was twisted. It's only now, years later, that he's decided he missed out and that our relationship wasn't enough to "make up for" not getting to sow his wild oats. 

It's pure rationalization, blame shifting and re-writing of history. Classic for a WS, which he is.


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## pleasebehonest (Oct 11, 2012)

I don't believe in the wild oats theory, and the fact that every woman has to have them.

However, I do believe the "taking back some of yourself" phase that women do go through. This DOES NOT have to include sex, cheating, or chasing men. I have found (self included) that after years of putting my husband, kids, and everyone else in my life first, it is about time that I do something for myself every once in awhile. My kids are older, I no longer have sleepless nights. I now have more time to work out, meet friends for coffee, etc. I also have more energy to do so. 

Problem that I have seen is men who have issues with this. They don't want things/their wife to change. Change is inevitable. People grow and change.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Used as an excuse, reason, explanation is no different as any other way to deflect responsability and shift the blame elsewhere, poor hopeless wayward.
That being said, I believe is absurd not realizing how missing out sowing their wild oats before marriage don't make affairs more luring, regardless the gender (I'm with Rowan in this, I've seen this with WHs and WWs alike). Being in denial about it won't help anyone.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> I did sow my oats in my 20s but was 100% faithful to my ex-husband. Being a bit wild in your youth does not make you a sl*t for life yo


I hope you did not take my state of the "sowing oats as an excuse to be a *****" to mean that women in the 20s having sex and partying are ****s or *****s. I meant that it is used as an excuse by married women in affairs to excuse their ****ty behavior.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Headspin said:


> Not sure to post here but it kinda does come up in here so someone can move if they choose
> 
> I've noticed in the DD CM thread again a comment about the 'I had never had my wild sex time in my early 20's' as a subconscious delayed excuse for later straying outside the marriage.
> 
> ...


I rarely come in this section but seen your post on my  lies lies lies  thread & noticed this was your latest thread, so had to give my 2 cents... 

I really feel that something IS missing in a marriage for a happily married woman who has a good husband, a thriving family - to want to go SOW WILD OATS suddenly..... something is not being quenched....and such wives, for whatever reason, is not sharing the truth of what she "needs" or is missing .... has she lost attraction , is she bored at home, a growing resentment ? 

I am who has never had a WILD phase in my youth....I met my husband at 15 & we waited for intercourse on our Honeymoon....He was my 1st, I was also his 1st. 

When I came into a wild sex HIGH 4 yrs ago, Testosterone taking over my brain & upping the fantasies...Oh my ~~ I did go a little erotically MAD .... starting to wonder if I had a Sex Addiction... it was really strong, I was loving it ...but at the same time it was kinda "tormenting" as HE could NOT keep up with my insatiable drive ....I wanted it 3 times a day ~ that would have been Heaven... 

I can't honestly sit here & say I didn't entertain thoughts of what it might be like to be with some hot young thing.. during that time.. I also started to LOVE porn. 

I started to question *his desire* for me ~~ I wanted him to be more lustful, more aggressive.... which I'd get emotional about at times...but it was all in my head (He asked me if I was crazy when I asked him if all this Sex was a burden).......but you know.. I was PUSHING it ... I needed to calm my jets. 

The question has to be for these women.... WHY NOT KEEP IT AT HOME ????

For me... what I really wanted was one thing.... MORE HOT SEX...... I wanted to experience everything I felt we missed in our past... I still wanted my husband to BE that man..... I had no resentment, I still found him attractive, I loved our family, what we've built... 

So MY response >>> I dug my heels in, read books on how to please a man, enticed him with lingerie, made it my mission in life to REvive HIM every day....kept all that Spicing at home between the 2 of us... For someone like me, only being with 1 man for life is the epitome of the most beautiful of Romances. 










The fact I had some fantasies run through my head , I did not down myself for .... I feel that is "normal" - no matter how many men a girl has been with. I find a little fantasy enjoyable... but jumping over a Fence... NO, there is a LINE one does not touch... 

I would even go as far as to say....because we've only been with each other...and how HIGH we hold this in our







's ...(others may downplay how this is not important, but for us, we Up play what a special bond we share).... 

For this reason, I feel it would be like standing over a towering cliff , looking over...ready to plunge to the depths for the thrill of the fall....knowing if I jumped my life, OUR life, would never be the same as it was. That something very precious / priceless would forever be lost between us, something irrevocable, that we could never get back. 

How could I trample on that, it would be like ripping a peice of my own heart out & what I have held near sacred for 30 yrs with this man, I could never look myself in the mirror again, or live it down to hurt him like that. 




> *WhiteMousse said*: I'm telling you. You treat a woman like a queen, she will one day despise you.


Depends on the woman...my husband has always treated me beautifully, from the moment we met, probably better than I deserved even...this IS one of many reasons why I







him so much & will stand by him till the very end. 

It's like this song.... Don't Know What You Got ~Till It's Gone


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

I'm biologically wired to put the OM on a soft food diet, but I... sorry bad example...


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

WhiteMousse said:


> *They try to conjure up reasons, all of them complex and verbose, but the truth is they're just bored and greedy.*


I Pity the guy who gets himself caught in that scenario.
He will never know what hit him.
The funny part is when he starts blaming himself.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Headspin said:


> Is this a girl thing ?


No. It's an "excuse" thing.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

pleasebehonest said:


> I don't believe in the wild oats theory, and the fact that every woman has to have them.
> 
> However, I do believe the "taking back some of yourself" phase that women do go through. This DOES NOT have to include sex, cheating, or chasing men. I have found (self included) that after years of putting my husband, kids, and everyone else in my life first, it is about time that I do something for myself every once in awhile. My kids are older, I no longer have sleepless nights. I now have more time to work out, meet friends for coffee, etc. I also have more energy to do so.
> 
> Problem that I have seen is men who have issues with this. They don't want things/their wife to change. Change is inevitable. People grow and change.


This is perhaps the biggest fear I have, in that I can't get my wife to put herself first. Getting her to go to the neighborhood book club is like pulling teeth because she is worried about the kids. Forget about doing a spa day with a girlfriend.

So my concern is that she wakes up one day and decides since the kids are gone it will all be about her now since she put in her time and earned it. I have no real reason to think she would do this, but I hear stories like this and I have to admit it crosses my mind.


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## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

"As a man (or woman) thinks, so is he (she)".

It all starts in the mind. Whatever you dwell on feeds the fire. Lots of chicks reading "Ridiculous Shades of Gray". 

I sewed oats, lots of 'em. 'Fling 'em and leave 'em'. I regret every single one. Sure, in the drunken moment it was fun, but not a single good connection came out of it. I cut it out for years and told myself that the next person I was with I wanted to be for life. 

And that's the commitment I made to my husband 15 yrs ago. 

This whole trend in restless housewives getting their groove on is like chicks buying Loubutin heels because everyone needs a pare of red-soled stilettos. It's the pack mentality of "everyone's doing it" and dumbed-down gray.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Statistically, the more sexual partners a person has before marriage, the more likely they are to be unfaithful. I think there is something in there about how many partners and curves and the like, but that's the gist. If you're interested I'll get the research.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> I did sow my oats in my 20s but was 100% faithful to my ex-husband. Being a bit wild in your youth does not make you a sl*t for life yo


So you squandered away your prime years for how long until you met your exhusband?


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