# No sex in 4 months!!! Husband is lacking in bed.



## ayce (Sep 27, 2012)

When my husband and I were dating we had the best sex ever!! I think it was due to my adventurous nature. I would be so into the sex and I would find creative places to go and do it, since we did not live together. He would willingly participate and it would last a decent amount of time. Sometimes he would tell me that I wanted it way too much. I noticed that he wasn't that affectionate in the process of being with him from dating to marriage. I'm used to hugging, being passionate, kissing, touching, holding hands, and showing some sort of attentiveness to the person I am with and vice versa. Most men would like a little eroticism to spice things up. I would go down on him and have sex, I would book hotel rooms, we would do it in the car, on the golf course outside, at the park, in the movie theater. When we got engaged we still had sex but it was mediocre sex. Nothing to brag about. General missionary with a little oral giving/receiving. I'm the type of woman that likes it all except for anal. So fast forwarding to being married. 

I am not attracted to my husband anymore. We haven't had any type of sex in 4 months! No oral stimulation of any sort either. He is boring to me, he can't have sex that long, he goes soft 2-3 minutes into foreplay, he is a horrible kisser, his oral skills are lacking, and he is lazy in the bed. When we are having sex he acts like he just ran a marathon, he gets winded, has an orgasm, then gets down on the floor, lays on his back to get some air and calm down, and falls asleep. And if he orgasms quicker than normal (meaning between 1-2minutes) he'll sit and complain about how fast it was and how he should've went longer. That turns me SOOO off. And we never get to do it a 2nd time in a 24 hour period, because he claims that he is so worn out. I don't get aroused by him and he can tell because I don't get wet at all. When we try to do anything now-a-days, it is a hassle. I feel like I was tricked into marrying him. I thought my sex life would be awesome, fun, adventurous, and more often. I feel like he isn't attracted to me either. I attempt to get him in the bed, but nothing works. I can flirt all day, send sexy text pictures, suggest sexy things I'm going to do to him, wear a thong/lingerie and walk into the living room, I could offer to take a shower together, but NOTHING. There is no excitement. I'd rather use a toy and watch clips off the internet. 

He acts like he doesn't know how to please me, but he watches porn and tries to keep it a secret. He even fantasized about being a porn star. He has bragged in the past about all the women he's been with in his football years, but Ummmm... why was the sex good for them and not me? 

Even in the past when a guy I was with was not the best in bed, he made up for it in other ways... with positions, oral, his voice, being romantic, and just the connection of it made it more explosive. It was never the size of a mans member that made me into him. It was plain and simple the action of it and knowing that person was just as into it as I was. 

I am attractive, long hair, stay in shape, proportionate, a great kisser, adventurous, but it's not working. What more can I do? There's no stimulation and no affection taking place. My husband acts all withdrawn when I suggest naughty things to him. He doesn't act on these request/suggestions either. What's wrong?


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

First: Do nothing at all until you are advised on TAM about what to do.

Second: Then do what they will advise you.

You will not believe how many people keep their own thoughts spinning around in their head while not following sound advise. Those who do most of the time regret they did not listen quicker, but a lot of the time they come out of the situation in good mental shape. So be glad you posted here


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## justbidingtime (Sep 25, 2012)

Divorce!!!!! I can't decide what a nasty post this is or how lousy a lover the husband is.....

I guess I'll be the first to say it..... 

"He's just not that into you"


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

Porn is detrimental to sexual appetite, it changes things considerably. Why look further for fulfilment when you can see any women you want, doing anything you want at any time you want (effort free).

Sex is not the same as it might have been at the start of a relationship because there isn't the same expectations, experimentation and novelty. It doesn't mean it cannot be adapted into something you both enjoy. A new location (hotel/out doors) or others experiments might add a new tinge of excitement for you both and maybe he will forget about catching his breath.

Otherwise I think you need to talk to him, communicate how important it is for you and the relationship, hear his side of the story (assuming you aren't already talking). Aim to know where to go next from that conversation.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I think the bottom line is he has to "know" he will lose you if things don't change. You have a right to the sex life you desire. If he's not able or not willing to provide you with that than you have a choice to make.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I think the bottom line is he has to "know" he will lose you if things don't change. You have a right to the sex life you desire. If he's not able or not willing to provide you with that than you have a choice to make.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ayce (Sep 27, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I think the bottom line is he has to "know" he will lose you if things don't change. You have a right to the sex life you desire. If he's not able or not willing to provide you with that than you have a choice to make.


The funny thing about it is that he has threatened to leave me if I don't have a child by him by a certain date. I absolutely cannot give into the selfishness of a demand such as that. We have a bad sex life and he's not doing anything about it, but he expects a child out of the deal for marrying me. (As if getting married to him is so great.) I know he's serious about the child demand, I know how much time I have left in this marriage, and in the process of it all I have started a plan.


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## ayce (Sep 27, 2012)

justbidingtime said:


> Divorce!!!!! I can't decide what a nasty post this is or how lousy a lover the husband is.....
> 
> I guess I'll be the first to say it.....
> 
> "He's just not that into you"


I have questions for you. If he is not into me, why would he ask my father to marry me? Why would he marry me if he's not into me? Why does he not go out to the club/bars on the weekends with his single friends? What do you suggest would help him be "INTO" me? 

Like I've said before, I am very attractive, a great body, no children, I have my own business, his friends really like me, I'm an excellent cook, good with children, I'm skilled in the bedroom, intelligent, his family loves me, well traveled, I don't nag him, and I don't discourage sports with the guys.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

ayce said:


> I have questions for you. If he is not into me, why would he ask my father to marry me? *Why would he marry me if he's not into me?* Why does he not go out to the club/bars on the weekends with his single friends? What do you suggest would help him be "INTO" me?
> 
> Like I've said before, *I am very attractive, a great body, no children, I have my own business, his friends really like me, I'm an excellent cook, good with children, I'm skilled in the bedroom, intelligent, his family loves me, well traveled, I don't nag him, and I don't discourage sports with the guys*.


That's why.

Perhaps you're a pay cheque to him. Or a trophy wife. Or something to brag about. Or he can get what he wants without trying. Could be lots of reasons, none of which have to do with sex. 

When it comes to doing things for each other, who does more? Him or you? I'll bet you do more for him just based on what you've posted here. You cook, you flirt with him, you try to get him in the mood, etc. What does he do for you? I'll bet very little.

If he's saying that he 'demands' a child by a specific date or else, that's not a good spouse, that's bullying. I mean, if there were extenuating circumstances, such as age, maybe that'd make some sense, but it doesn't sound to me like you two are pushing 40 here. Maybe I'm wrong, but if you are still fairly young, why is he saying 'have a kid by this date, or else'?

He sounds like he runs the roost and you'll get what you get, regardless of if you like it or not. I'd imagine this counts for other areas of your life as well. 

As for your sex life issue, I'll ask if you've ruled out him having an affair. I'm not saying he is, or even if I think he is, but when anyone can go 4 months without wanting sex, that's cause for concern. That goes double when it's a man, because most men have a higher libido. Perhaps he's not, but it's worth considering. When he's also going limp a few minutes into sex, that's also not a good sign as it could indicate he's had sex recently, or he's more interested in another woman.

it could also mean other issues, such as health. Has he been checked out? Get him checked for his T levels as well.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

ayce

My suggestion is to approach it in a way that doesn't accuse him of anything but explains how you feel to avoid putting him on the defensive. Something along the lines you got married believing sex was important. Your connection with him early on before you got married lead you to believe he was the one for you. Lately, your sex life has not been what you want it to be, maybe he's not the one for you after all. You don't want to make him miserable trying to be something he's not nor are you prepared to live the rest of your life miserable trying to be something you're not. 

I'm hoping a little scare will make him realize what he's on the verge of losing and put a spark under him.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Bottom line, people usually don't change unless there is a consequence and some kind of accountability. Even that is not a guarantee, but its a good starting point.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

trey69 said:


> Bottom line, people usually don't change unless there is a consequence and some kind of accountability. Even that is not a guarantee, but its a good starting point.


Yep, this. No does something without a reason, so give him a reason to shape up. If he doesn't, ship yourself out of the marriage and look for someone else. If you are really everything you say you are, there will be many men interested in you.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

ayce said:


> The funny thing about it is that he has threatened to leave me if I don't have a child by him by a certain date. I absolutely cannot give into the selfishness of a demand such as that. We have a bad sex life and he's not doing anything about it, but he expects a child out of the deal for marrying me. (As if getting married to him is so great.) I know he's serious about the child demand, I know how much time I have left in this marriage, and in the process of it all I have started a plan.


My husband left his first wife due to not having a child. I thank The Lord everyday for that. We met soon after their divorce and we've have had the most wonderful marriage these past 12 years. 

What works for us is kindness, support, communication, and working hard to meet each others needs. It really takes both parties to work at the marriage and full communication for a successful marriage.

Before my husband and I married, we at length discussed what we wanted out of life and what we wanted from our marriage. We both work hard and thoroughly listen to one another and our needs. It's an ongoing process.


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## TigerTank (Jun 25, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Before my husband and I married, we at length discussed what we wanted out of life and what we wanted from our marriage. We both work hard and thoroughly listen to one another and our needs. It's an ongoing process.


That right there is one of the best quotes I wish couples knew ahead of time. 

I think there are people out there that just lack apathy. They see what they want and go after it but fail to understand when you're married it's not about just you anymore, but both of you.

Is it possible he's dealing with some form of depression and not really into anything? Depression can change a lot in people.


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## Cyrus (Apr 5, 2012)

ayce said:


> When my husband and I were dating we had the best sex ever!! I think it was due to my adventurous nature. I would be so into the sex and I would find creative places to go and do it, since we did not live together. He would willingly participate and it would last a decent amount of time. Sometimes he would tell me that I wanted it way too much. I noticed that he wasn't that affectionate in the process of being with him from dating to marriage. I'm used to hugging, being passionate, kissing, touching, holding hands, and showing some sort of attentiveness to the person I am with and vice versa. Most men would like a little eroticism to spice things up. I would go down on him and have sex, I would book hotel rooms, we would do it in the car, on the golf course outside, at the park, in the movie theater. When we got engaged we still had sex but it was mediocre sex. Nothing to brag about. General missionary with a little oral giving/receiving. I'm the type of woman that likes it all except for anal. So fast forwarding to being married.
> 
> I am not attracted to my husband anymore. We haven't had any type of sex in 4 months! No oral stimulation of any sort either. He is boring to me, he can't have sex that long, he goes soft 2-3 minutes into foreplay, he is a horrible kisser, his oral skills are lacking, and he is lazy in the bed. When we are having sex he acts like he just ran a marathon, he gets winded, has an orgasm, then gets down on the floor, lays on his back to get some air and calm down, and falls asleep. And if he orgasms quicker than normal (meaning between 1-2minutes) he'll sit and complain about how fast it was and how he should've went longer. That turns me SOOO off. And we never get to do it a 2nd time in a 24 hour period, because he claims that he is so worn out. I don't get aroused by him and he can tell because I don't get wet at all. When we try to do anything now-a-days, it is a hassle. I feel like I was tricked into marrying him. I thought my sex life would be awesome, fun, adventurous, and more often. I feel like he isn't attracted to me either. I attempt to get him in the bed, but nothing works. I can flirt all day, send sexy text pictures, suggest sexy things I'm going to do to him, wear a thong/lingerie and walk into the living room, I could offer to take a shower together, but NOTHING. There is no excitement. I'd rather use a toy and watch clips off the internet.
> 
> ...


Have him get his testosterone level checked. Worked for me.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

ayce said:


> The funny thing about it is that *he has threatened to leave me if I don't have a child by him by a certain date*. I absolutely cannot give into the selfishness of a demand such as that. We have a bad sex life and he's not doing anything about it, but he expects a child out of the deal for marrying me. (As if getting married to him is so great.) I know he's serious about the child demand, I know how much time I have left in this marriage, and in the process of it all I have started a plan.


This is totally impossible in your and anybody else's relation. You married a monster, seen this in combination with his other behaviour.

I would say you serve him divorce papers and see if he gets shocked out of his selfishness. You have in the meanwhile to work on your self worth! This is not a healthy relation, and it will destroy you if this continues. But, I would give him this last chance to see what he will *do* about it. Not what he will *say*, mind you.


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