# This site: therapeutic or toxic



## happydad (Apr 11, 2016)

I'm new here and have shared a bit of my story in another post, and have been avidly reading a lot of threads here. At times, I feel better about my situation, but other times feel I get worked up and borderline angry. 

Does anybody have any thoughts?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

happydad said:


> I'm new here and have shared a bit of my story in another post, and have been avidly reading a lot of threads here. At times, I feel better about my situation, but other times feel I get worked up and borderline angry.
> 
> Does anybody have any thoughts?


This is a very good site. I have been here almost 4 months and the kind folks have been great to me in terms of helping me with my situation.

I read other stories daily. Some pi$$ me off, others remind me of my situation. 

Is your situation under control? If you are getting angry then it means it is not. Mine is not under control.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

This site is like reading Amazon reviews on relationships... Some people get the golden partners and some the dregs of humanity.


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## philreag (Apr 2, 2015)

This site help me in two main ways:

1. It keeps me strong to help my resolve to get over my STBXW.

2. Misery loves company and although my situation destroyed me, others have it much worse.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

To gain insight into ones self and determine a course of action this site is very good. 

Draw back: at times it causes or allows people to dwell and stagnate. (sometimes to often)


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I believe this site can be what you want it to be, whether that be therapeutic or toxic. You just have to remember that peoples opinions here are usually based on their personal experiences which may or may not exactly line up with what you are dealing with.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

happydad said:


> I'm new here and have shared a bit of my story in another post, and have been avidly reading a lot of threads here. At times, I feel better about my situation, but other times feel I get worked up and borderline angry.
> 
> Does anybody have any thoughts?


The site is neither therapeutic or toxic. It's what you make of it. This site actually helps my marriage. I read her about all of the crap people do to their partners, get up and go hug my wife. Or, just tell her how much she means to me.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

HappyDad,

You can look at it as an 80% 20% thing, 80% of the posts will not resonate with you, 20% will. 

Of that 20%, 80% will help you somewhat, but 20% will really hit home and help you cope and progress.

Back in 2008 there was one poster, on another site, who really changed my marriage, after reading post after post of hers I said this lady is very like my wife. I thanked her and sometime after that she revealed in her postings a detail exactly like my wifes.

So keep reading.

Tamat


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

This site is what you make of it.
Some of what is said here doesn't apply to everyone. You filter what helps you out and leave the rest.
Posters need to be open minded to all advice...whether you agree with it or not everyone had a right express their opinion.
I think you can learn useful tips from just reading various threads here.


Sent from my iPhone


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

​
It can be both


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Medicine can be toxic sometimes. It's all down to the dose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Think of it like chemo therapy for cancer. The drugs themselves are very toxic but in the end proof to be therapeutic. Some of the stuff you read here will make you very uncomfortable but if you learn from it, you will grow and improve.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I vote both. Depends on your perspective.

You can influence and direct as well as anyone.

We are all individuals here.

I'm really interested in just how blue the balls of Smurfs are but probably won't start a thread about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

What you really have to do it understand where people are coming from and it makes you analyze your life even better. Sure, misery loves company and while you don't want to see anyone hurt like this, you are certainly happy others are going through it with you.

At the very least, when you are feeling down and stuff seems dark and lonely, there are people here who understand. It's made this situation be much easier for me (wish I came here for my first divorce, but I'll rememebr this place for my third!)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It's a great site with a simply great cast of supporting people!

But as with anything, it's largely what you make out of it! And even if you are hardened and think that you've absolutely heard it all, something invariably comes along that simply blows your a$$ totally out of the water!

And leaves you scratching your head!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Therapeutic (well considering its free, and compared to other sites out there which tend to be either hate sites or blow happy smoke up your butt).

Here you'll get mostly straight talk from a bunch of different people many from both sides of any issue.

Do make sure to get some time out though. Being here can be great through the emotional times, but it can stagnate or become its own EA if you let it become to important.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

happydad said:


> I'm new here and have shared a bit of my story in another post, and have been avidly reading a lot of threads here. At times, I feel better about my situation, but other times feel I get worked up and borderline angry.
> 
> Does anybody have any thoughts?


It is incredibly useful but as all people on TAM have their own views, takes, backgrounds, etc, we can take some good advice leave some too. Generally, the people are genuine when posting and we all bring some of our own baggage into the mix, and need to be cognizant of that.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I've had some pretty bad therapists. And gues what, they charge.

After that, it's all upwards.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

ConanHub said:


> I vote both. Depends on your perspective.
> 
> You can influence and direct as well as anyone.
> 
> ...


This blue....


__
Sensitive content, not recommended for those under 18
Show Content








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

alphaomega said:


> This blue....
> 
> View attachment 44377
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Now that's rather scary! 

My RSXW always professed a liking for smurfs!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

alphaomega said:


> This blue....
> 
> View attachment 44377
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Right now I love you man!!!

LOL!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

There are a lot of people here with hurting hearts.....some knowing something is not right in their relationship but cannot put a finger on it....some in abusive or unhealthy relationships and cannot quite identify that the relationship is unhealthy and for those people, and those looking for support, I think this is a good group.

The one thing we all have to realize is how we got where we are and why we are dealing with whatever it is that we are dealing with. We do have to look at ourselves and ask some serious questions about what in our behavior may have caused this or that, which I think sometimes gets overlooked by the person posting. It is too easy to point fingers. 

I find it interesting too that the people who are in the worst of situations either cannot see it for what it is, whether due to denial or never having a healthy relationship in their lives growing up to give them that example of what life with a partner should look like, or they they are dealing with manipulation from their partner. These are the hardest of situations and many cannot/will not leave no matter how others here try to reach them.

Toxic in the sense that we are all sitting behind a keyboard where many times we will say something in the "heat" of a debate where we might take that stance if sitting face to face.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

The devil is in the details, I would not generalize that it's due to inability to see reality or manipulation...

If everyone posted details to allow therapy level visualization we would never get anything else done


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