# Can marriage be saved - lack of attraction



## elizabeth2205 (Jul 22, 2011)

Been married 18 years to a great man. He is a wonderful husband and father. The problem is that I am not attracted to him physically. I enjoy his company and really like him as a person. This lack of desire has been going on for at least 10 years...and I'm not convinced we ever had a strong physical connection. What I'm having trouble with is figuring out if I just have low sex drive, or if I just married someone that I don't (and never will) have chemistry with. People keep asking me if I'm attracted to other people, and I really can't answer that. Sure, there have been random guys I've been attracted to physically....but I can't know if those are 'real feelings' or just the result of seeing a good-looking guy after a couple glasses of wine. It's not really something I can 'test out' without cheating, which I don't want to do. Any advice for helping me sort through all this?


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

What's different?

There was never passion, desire, excitement? Ever?

Is your husband aware? How does he conduct himself, what are his thoughts on your marriage?


----------



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

It's your issue!! I don't how old you are but people age 18yrs is a long freaking time.

Do you see many hot 60, 70, 80yr olds? Guys go bald, get wrinkles, get live spots, woman sag, get wrinkles, it's life. 

Go find what is missing work on it together 18yrs is a long time to come to such a superficial revelation.


----------



## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

elizabeth2205 said:


> Sure, there have been random guys I've been attracted to physically....but I can't know if those are 'real feelings' or just the result of seeing a good-looking guy after a couple glasses of wine.


You dont get "real feelings" from looking at people... Not in Canada anyways.

Ultimately your happiness is number 1, can you go on forever married to an ugly person? Sure, its a rude way of phrasing it, but its not wrong. If he can provide for you in all other areas, is that enough for you to see past his appearance? Maybe a gym membership would go along way. 

In all honesty, are you comfortable with the current situation. Id say no. Otherwise you wouldnt be here right now.


----------



## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Attraction is mostly mental, especially for women. Figure out why you are not attracted to him and see if you can work on it with him. I'd definitely suggest a sex therapist for you.

If you find that you just are not ever feeling sexy or wanting sex, the issue is probably with you. You could be depressed or just not happy with yourself and your life. If you are not connected to your partner in the right ways, the spark can die....but it can be resurrected. Maintaining passion in marriage doesn't just happen. You have to deliberately do things to keep things fun and exciting.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Go to the mall and see the couples walking together. The wife see the husband's pot belly and balding head. The husband sees the wife's growing butt. Something beyond physical beauty keeps them together. Attraction can mean many things. If you were alone and scared, if you were in the Emergency Room with only an hour to live, who would you want holding your hand? Some really handsome guy you saw in the hall?


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I'm wondering why you waited 10 years to try to fix this.


----------

