# confession



## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

I occasionally look at porn on the Internet. Started out a matter of boredom and curiosity. I’ll go months without thinking about it, then will go back to checking stuff out. My wife and I have not had sex in a month. Sometimes we will have periods where we are intimate once a week. Sometimes 6 months will go by. I think this is relevant to my curiousity. After 12 years of this kind of impacted intimacy, I have become kind of fascinated by the idea that other people are sexual. I have not had a sexual conversation or sexual contact outside of my marriage.

My wife has announced that she doesn't really like sex. I have reasons to believe that is not entirely true. In any event, I do like sex.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I have definitely found my interest in porn inversely related to the amount of sex my wife and I have. If we are active, no porn use at all.

If she isn't interested, porn use increases (as does masturbation).

While I'm fascinated that others have a decent sex life, it can be frustrating that they do yet I don't.

My wife also said she didn't like sex, didn't need it however she changed her mind when she knew I was headed out the door.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Was there a question in there?

Are you looking to have more sex with your wife?

Having some disagreements with her regarding your use of porn?


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

You are confessing you like sex? Eeewwwwww, how disgusting, why would anyone like sex? Squelchy horrible messy sex.....



Sorry HB, just kidding. What did you want to explore in this thread?


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

east2west said:


> Was there a question in there?
> 
> Are you looking to have more sex with your wife?
> 
> Having some disagreements with her regarding your use of porn?


No question, really. Just a conversation starter. I have seen some threads were the porn nazis spring from the woodwork. I am not a proponent of porn. But it's out there.

I wouldn't say I "use" porn any more than I use wikipedia or online news sources. It's out there. It's kind of interesting. I think I fell into it through a phase where I was fascinated by the sites like Ogrish and Rotten. Drawn to the macabre.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

conversely my interest in porn dropping to nearly nonexistent when my sex life took a big upswing

(except when we watch it together...  )


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

And some of it is downright funny.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Wazza said:


> What did you want to explore in this thread?


Reacting a bit to a couple of nasty-grams I got from my wife who regularly scours my internet and electronic communications history. 

Maybe a little "I'm ok, you're ok." Thanks


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Harken Banks said:


> Reacting a bit to a couple of nasty-grams I got from my wife who regularly scours my internet and electronic communications history.
> 
> Maybe a little "I'm ok, you're ok." Thanks


I'd start getting creative about what I left in my Internet history. Mess with her mind a bit. 

I have issues with porn, but i still look at it sometimes....try not to. My wife knows. She also knows that I don't necessarily want to try everything I look at.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

Harken Banks said:


> Reacting a bit to a couple of nasty-grams I got from my wife who regularly scours my internet and electronic communications history.
> 
> Maybe a little "I'm ok, you're ok." Thanks


I think we're twins in a parallel universe. Also get flack about wanting to do "porn-star" stuff in bed. She has the cause & effect backwards. Thinks I get my "ideas" from the stuff I look at vs I look at what interests/excites me in the first place.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

If she is not interested in sex herself then why is she giving you flack about looking at porn?

Does she think that because she has no interest in sex that you should be celibate and not even look at porn?


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

I don't know. I get the objection. But looking at internet porn is more about boredom and fascination with the idea that other people lead sexual lives than anything else. It doesn't serve any purpose. Kind of like drinking salt water.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> I have definitely found my interest in porn inversely related to the amount of sex my wife and I have. If we are active, no porn use at all.
> 
> If she isn't interested, porn use increases (as does masturbation).
> 
> ...


Ditto to all of the above...Except my wife is so hard headed threats of a divorce won't budge her....However I am due to inherit sufficient funds to go on a SINGLES cruise 4-5 times a year if sex at home gets too infrequent....:smthumbup:


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

Have you considered taking your fascination into the realm of "real life"?

It sort of sounds like you are using porn as a way of avoiding an issue with your real life activities. 

Also, how do you feel about being sexual yourself? Is it empowering, awkward, invigorating, motivating, uncomfortable, distracting, unnatural, shameful, ... ?


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Saki, I enjoy sex and sexuality. I am comfortable with it. I have been sexually active for 31 years (counting from first intercourse, maybe a year or two or three before that if you go by feeling up, fingering, HJ, BJ and the like). The activity happens to have been more varied, frequent, and interesting before marriage. Oh well. 

I do not feel that I am "using" porn in any fashion. I find it interesting that it is out there. Validates, to a degree, my own interest and curiosity. 

I've seen a lot. Had some stellar encounters and even today the world is my oyster. I don't know you. You don't know me.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

You said yourself, you are using what you view as porn to validate your own interest and curiousity. It may be a dangerous road to validate yourself and satisfy your curiousity with fantasies acted out by paid professionals.

On the other hand, you may know it all already so there's really no point in being involved with your rheotric game. 

Have fun.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Saki said:


> You said yourself, you are using what you view as porn to validate your own interest and curiousity. It may be a dangerous road to validate yourself and satisfy your curiousity with fantasies acted out by paid professionals.
> 
> On the other hand, you may know it all already so there's really no point in being involved with your rheotric game.
> 
> Have fun.


Maybe I said that. I didn't think so. What I had meant to say is that the very existence of porn and other demonstrations of sexuality generally (which may be, for example, in the way in which an ordinary person may dress or the affectionate touch between spouses) become fascinating at times when my own marriage seems to have become affectionless for validating that other people are in fact sexual.


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## husbandfool (May 20, 2012)

If she has no interest in sex then she has no say as to how you like sex.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Saki said:


> Have you considered taking your fascination into the realm of "real life"?


Im not sure I follow here. I think I would like more intimacy in my marriage, but I have no interest in acting out things I have seen on the internet.



Saki said:


> It sort of sounds like you are using porn as a way of avoiding an issue with your real life activities.


Again, I'm not sure I follow. I hadn't thought that I was avoiding anything. I really think it more comes back to boredom and curiosity. Yes, its a curiosity that tends to come around a bit more frequently when my marriage has become an affectionless place. Still, I don't think I am avoiding. Or even really seeking. I guess, I don't think of it as all that big a deal. Kind of dumb and pointless, sure.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

You know it's very normal to be curious and I think it's normal to take advantage of porn to a degree. Like anything else we need to use it in moderation because it can become bad in too many ways.

With that said the frequency of intimacy in your life is intolerably low and is in my book considered a sexless marriage if it's less than 2 times a month.
I think it would be abnormal if you didn't look at it now and again.
JMO.

Oh yeah, I don't like the whole " I don't like sex" thing. It doesn't jibe with certain other past events. Again JMO


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

I think the porn fascism is a symptom of the religious substrate I've identified here. It's really nothing more than scratching an itch.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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