# Wife Cheated now what



## travelking

My wife and I have been at odds for many years. FIghting about literally every topic one can think of. I am by no mean an angel, but I show my wife respect, do virtually everything she asks me to do, and I do try to be a great husband and dad. I sure I fall short on many things but she does too. I at least acknowledge my issues. However over last month things have been the worst they have ever been. Beginning of the month we started having major life arguments. One was over her being someplace that I thought she was to be but wasnt. Turns out I was wrong, I felt so bad I brought her an expensive "im sorry ring" which she didnt accept and got mad when I returned it (to be fair I left it in front of her for a week and it never moved). We kind of got past that, until my intuition told me something was off-she was staying at work late, dressing differently etc. My wrst fear confirmed when I found out she had been having an emotional affair with another married man. When I confronted her (as calm as possible) she told me to "leave her alone". Just earlier today we had a heart to heart and I asked her if she wanted to save this and if she felt remorse. She seemed to reluctantly say she was willing if things changed (duh) but with the remorse part she said she felt justified. When we were dating 10 years ago, we were very much off and on and basically had separate lives (even though we lived together). During on of our off moments I took a trip with a childhood friend and we wound up hooking up. Before this trip even took place, I had put her out of my apartment and even told her lets break up. so we werent even together when she alleges me cheating. We eventually reconciled and had two beautiful kids together. Now this happened and she feels justified. My question is why the **** did you get married and have two kids with me? She seems to have no remorse and that is what hurts the most.


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## BobSimmons

See a marriage counsellor. Whether you were together or not she's held that against you all this time, obviously the dynamics of your marriage are pretty bad, but the most important thing is you both want to fix it...but

She probably banged him, so unless you get the full truth you can't move forward. Working late and dressing differently are red flags.

If they banged what's your end game?


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## GuyInColorado

Sounds like you have an out. I wish I found my ex wife cheating! Take it and run! 

How's your sex life with her?


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## Marc878

You aren't in Reconcilliation pal. Oh and if it's an EA with contact they had sex.

Typical betrayed spouse syndrome. You're in denial and you are letting her own you.

If they work together the affair is still ongoing.

Wake up to reality

You'd be wise to inform the other mans spouse. Without warning but you seem to weak to act.


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## ButtPunch

You got no chance to save this if the affair is still going on (which it is) and she isn't remorseful.

Attorney time. Sorry.


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## travelking

if they banged im out because about two weeks ago we had the most passionate week of sex since my daughter was conceived and knowing she banged another guy and then banged me would ****in kill me-to be honest, only reason im even considering this is my children and I genuinely love her. Im starting separate my emotions from it and considering what i would tell a friend if this happened to them.


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## travelking

easy to say-very hard to stop loving someone but i agree Im looking weak and feel like a ***** for this but I love my kids man-its imporatnt to me how they grow up


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## Taxman

Sounds as if she is having an exit affair. She isn't remorseful, and she blame-shifts. Before handing her the divorce, I would want to make the statement that she is ultimately responsible for this affair. It will not be forgiven or forgotten. She can now live with the consequences.


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## travelking

he lives 300 miles away, she met him on a vacation with her sister and my heart of hearts said they did it, but she says she did not-but like i should ****ing trust her. I asked if she was gonna cut him off and she said yes-but now im gonna be in hyper detective mode the next few weeks to see if she is sincere


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## ButtPunch

TK

How were they communicating? You need to get a hold of the text messages. 

There is software out there that will recover deleted text messages.

Look at your phone bill and see how much they are texting.

You cannot trust her. She's lying.


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## wilson

From your story, it's hard to see how the marriage works even if there never was an affair. I'm sure you love each other and there are good things between you, but there are some major issues which will make it difficult for this relationship to last decades. 

The affair is a huge problem at the moment, but it's not the final problem you have to solve. Killing the affair is (relatively) straightforward, but then what? How do you rebuild the marriage so both of you are glad to be in it and it lasts for decades? The troubles you were having pretty much guaranteed that something bad would happen, such as divorce, affair, depression, etc. That doesn't mean the affair is justified in any way, but it's not unexpected. So after you kill the affair, you have to rebuild your marriage or else another bad thing will happen.


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## travelking

ButtPunch said:


> TK
> 
> How were they communicating? You need to get a hold of the text messages.
> 
> There is software out there that will recover deleted text messages.
> 
> Look at your phone bill and see how much they are texting.
> 
> You cannot trust her. She's lying.


she was using whatsapp to message him and i found messages on her phone. FOr like 2 weeks Im seeing signs thinking im going crazy and being jealous-glad i trusted my instinct


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## GuyInColorado

Dr Fone can recover deleted WhatsApps messages. Do it.


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## Taxman

If they are still in communication, game over. I can't believe the audacity, that you should trust her. Nope nope nope. She tells you to leave her alone. I certainly would, locked out of my house, in the middle of the street, with all of her belongings strewn about. Attitude from a WW? Groveling and begging forgiveness maybe, but this b1tch? Have her served, and move on.


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## Lostinthought61

first of all she is not remorseful....so not sure how you could even move ahead if she is not willing to accept her responsibilities and transgression. second she has not told you the truth but lied along the way...so how can you even be sure of anything that comes out of her mouth...if you go into reconciliation with out going through the discovery steps then all she will do is blame you, rug sweep this under you the doormat. are you positive the baby she has belongs to you?


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## Sparta

OP it is in your best interest to trust the information and suggestions(directions)that is to you by the good people of TAM. First off you do not trust anything she says cheaters or liars. You need to get a VAR (Voice activated recorder) place it in her car underneath the passenger seat it's usually you stick Velcro on the back of it under the seat. Get Dr. Phone 📱 software to recover all deleted text from her cell.


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## Marc878

travelking said:


> he lives 300 miles away, she met him on a vacation with her sister and my heart of hearts said they did it, but she says she did not-but like i should ****ing trust her. I asked if she was gonna cut him off and she said yes-but now im gonna be in hyper detective mode the next few weeks to see if she is sincere


Cheaters lie a lot. Most want to believe the lies but unfortunalty you already know the truth.

It's just a question of accepting reality.

Sorry man but the truth is what you need


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## BobSimmons

travelking said:


> if they banged im out because about two weeks ago we had the most passionate week of sex since my daughter was conceived and knowing she banged another guy and then banged me would ****in kill me-to be honest, only reason im even considering this is my children and I genuinely love her. Im starting separate my emotions from it and considering what i would tell a friend if this happened to them.


For some affairs can be exciting and thrilling, it's not uncommon that the wayward spouse either through guilt or just the thrill gets very sexual. It's good to see you're becoming more methodical in your approach to things and separating the emotions from it all. Get to the truth then proceed from there, it's all well and good being considerate to your kids, but at what cost? Living with a cheating wife who's not sorry?


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## Marc878

You'd be well advised to inform the other mans wife. Do it without warning and let them deal with the consequences.

Get rid of your weakness and take control of yourself. This is the most important first step.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Marc878 said:


> You'd be well advised to inform the other mans wife. Do it without warning and let them deal with the consequences.
> 
> Get rid of your weakness and take control of yourself. This is the most important first step.



Your first move should be exposure. Expose to your parents, her parents, close friends. If you know who POSOM is expose to his wife. You must knock her out of the affair fog.
Secondly, it is unclear from your posts, but was her sister a facilitator of the affair? Did she know and not tell you? Big problem if she knew.

Next is as other posters have told you get her phone and Dr Phone. You cannot trust anything she says. Do not appear weak.
Women respect strength not weakness. Do not give her any wiggle room. You must be bold in your actions towards her and do not rug sweep this ****.


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## GusPolinski

No remorse means no reconciliation.

File for divorce ASAP.


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## ButtPunch

Lonely husband 42301 said:


> Your first move should be exposure. Expose to your parents, her parents, close friends. If you know who POSOM is expose to his wife. You must knock her out of the affair fog.


I disagree here. Your first move is to play dumb and find out the truth.

Get the whats app messages and VAR her car like others have said.

Find out the truth. Then decide if any of it is a dealbreaker.

Exposure is a tool for people who want to save their marriage. 

Exposure can however make a very bitter angry spouse who will want to destroy in you in divorce court.

Do not expose until you are certain you want to try to save your marriage at all costs.


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## snerg

travelking said:


> easy to say-very hard to stop loving someone but i agree Im looking weak and feel like a ***** for this but *I love my kids man-its imporatnt to me how they grow up*


That's an interesting statement.

Does that also mean you recognize that *NOT* being married is important to how they grow up?


People, many times state that they stay for the kids, because they want a stable family unit for the kids to grow up in.

The unfortunate issue is that kids a far more perceptive than we adults give them credit.
They realize when there is something wrong.
They understand far more than we can imagine

Never stay for your kids.
If they found out that you stayed in a bad relationship for them, it can have disastrous consequences for your relationship (and yes, many times they kids figure this out). 
In their eyes (and they would be correct), I'm the reason you stayed in this horrible relationship? Horrible mind puck for a kid/young adult to realize their parent did that to them.


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## harrybrown

stop the pick me dance.

she does not respect you.

Act like she is out the door.

Have her leave and go be with him.


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## syhoybenden

You've been here since 2014.

All this time she has been a stone-cold beeyatch to you. Ignoring you. Sex starving you. Emotionally abusing you. And now she f*cks around on you, and feels justified (and proud) about it!!???

Really, step back and think about it ..... what do you love about this woman?


You need a real relationship and not the crap that you have with this person.


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## farsidejunky

ButtPunch said:


> I disagree here. Your first move is to play dumb and find out the truth.
> 
> Get the whats app messages and VAR her car like others have said.
> 
> Find out the truth. Then decide if any of it is a dealbreaker.
> 
> Exposure is a tool for people who want to save their marriage.
> 
> Exposure can however make a very bitter angry spouse who will want to destroy in you in divorce court.
> 
> Do not expose until you are certain you want to try to save your marriage at all costs.


This.


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## travelking

haha update-emotionally I took her back about 2 weeks ago, she agreed to go to counseling (3 sessions already) and we have been texting and acting like a real married couple until today when I found she is still texting this guy basically clowning me-so Im about to file for divorce lol this ***** thought I was dumb-oh well I tried


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## Lostme

travelking said:


> haha update-emotionally I took her back about 2 weeks ago, she agreed to go to counseling (3 sessions already) and we have been texting and acting like a real married couple until today when I found she is still texting this guy basically clowning me-so Im about to file for divorce lol this ***** thought I was dumb-oh well I tried



Well now you can walk away knowing you tried, which will bring you some peace as you move on to a greater life for yourself.


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## Sparta

File for divorce right now.! read up on the 180 and or get her out of your house... tell her that she needs to find somewhere else to live maybe with OM’s at his house with his wife. I hope you notified his wife.?! She needs to know her husband is not the person she thinks he is...


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## WorkingOnMe

travelking said:


> haha update-emotionally I took her back about 2 weeks ago, she agreed to go to counseling (3 sessions already) and we have been texting and acting like a real married couple until today when I found she is still texting this guy basically clowning me-so Im about to file for divorce lol this ***** thought I was dumb-oh well I tried




This is the expected outcome when you refuse to expose. You either break the affair or it continues. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Marc878

travelking said:


> haha update-emotionally I took her back about 2 weeks ago, she agreed to go to counseling (3 sessions already) and we have been texting and acting like a real married couple until today when I found she is still texting this guy basically clowning me-so Im about to file for divorce lol this ***** thought I was dumb-oh well I tried


Just because you found out the first time doesn't mean it ended.

She'll string you along if you let her.

Cheaters lie a lot, hopefully you've woken up but.......


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## Blacksmith01

File and cut ties with this hag. The kids will be just fine.


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## Openminded

You got played. It happens. Time to move on.


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## Rick Blaine

The OP did very well. He tried to reconcile while at the same time continuing to snoop. Now it is time to expose the affair, esp to the POSOM's wife if he is married. 

Sorry. 😕


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## travelking

Openminded said:


> You got played. It happens. Time to move on.


everybody plays the fool-truth be told Im not sad anymore-Im angry as ****-walking around smiling in my face while turning the ****ing knife in my back-lets see if that grass is really greener on the otherside cus this is for the birds


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## Bibi1031

travelking said:


> everybody plays the fool-truth be told Im not sad anymore-Im angry as ****-walking around smiling in my face while turning the ****ing knife in my back-lets see if that grass is really greener on the otherside cus this is for the birds


Anger is good in this case. It will help you detach and take action in a direction that will be in your favor and to help you get rid of that cheating, lying, selfish soon to be X. Have you served her divorce papers yet? Have you exposed her cheating arse? Have you informed the other betrayed spouse? 

You have things to do and later on places to go where a no longer marriage material woman has no place being.


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## harrybrown

they did have sex.

many times.

also out her sister. she helped the A and hurt your kids.

get tested for stds. and have her go live with him. have your attorney file now. ASAP.

Expose, expose , expose.


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## eric1

Oh well. You're too good for this crap. Sucks that it happened but you'll be over it soon enough.


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## Marc878

Many will wallow in limbo for a long time in situations like this. End it for your sake.


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## arbitrator

*Also be aware of the fact that she could be "safely" communicating with "him" using a burner phone!

Given your present set of circumstances, I think that you need to be talking to a good family attorney!

I cannot help but smell rank "deception!"*


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## Bianca Stella

You sound like a great man. I hate that you're feeling this way. Just by reading your post I know you're a good person. Here's an idea. How about you start using her for sex? Show no emotions at all, show no weakness at all, make her feel scared of losing you. I would do this before you file for divorce. Just give her two weeks of roughness and a drastic change in how you approach her. Don't be loving and caring. Basically just act like you're using her. Nobody will change until you change. Those are my two cents. I am going through something as well and I am getting addicted to reading all the posts in here. Letme know how it goes!


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## ButtPunch

Bianca Stella said:


> You sound like a great man. I hate that you're feeling this way. Just by reading your post I know you're a good person. Here's an idea. How about you start using her for sex? Show no emotions at all, show no weakness at all, make her feel scared of losing you. I would do this before you file for divorce. Just give her two weeks of roughness and a drastic change in how you approach her. Don't be loving and caring. Basically just act like you're using her. Nobody will change until you change. Those are my two cents. I am going through something as well and I am getting addicted to reading all the posts in here. Letme know how it goes!


This isn't a good idea.

No sex! It will just suck you back in.


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## Bianca Stella

travelking said:


> My wife and I have been at odds for many years. FIghting about literally every topic one can think of. I am by no mean an angel, but I show my wife respect, do virtually everything she asks me to do, and I do try to be a great husband and dad. I sure I fall short on many things but she does too. I at least acknowledge my issues. However over last month things have been the worst they have ever been. Beginning of the month we started having major life arguments. One was over her being someplace that I thought she was to be but wasnt. Turns out I was wrong, I felt so bad I brought her an expensive "im sorry ring" which she didnt accept and got mad when I returned it (to be fair I left it in front of her for a week and it never moved). We kind of got past that, until my intuition told me something was off-she was staying at work late, dressing differently etc. My wrst fear confirmed when I found out she had been having an emotional affair with another married man. When I confronted her (as calm as possible) she told me to "leave her alone". Just earlier today we had a heart to heart and I asked her if she wanted to save this and if she felt remorse. She seemed to reluctantly say she was willing if things changed (duh) but with the remorse part she said she felt justified. When we were dating 10 years ago, we were very much off and on and basically had separate lives (even though we lived together). During on of our off moments I took a trip with a childhood friend and we wound up hooking up. Before this trip even took place, I had put her out of my apartment and even told her lets break up. so we werent even together when she alleges me cheating. We eventually reconciled and had two beautiful kids together. Now this happened and she feels justified. My question is why the **** did you get married and have two kids with me? She seems to have no remorse and that is what hurts the most.


 were you able to solve things? It seems like she has residual anger and needs revenge. I've been there also. It's a very human thing. Can you give us an update?


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## travelking

I should have listened to the good folks at TAM. Thats exactly what she did. She had one of her friends purchase a tracphone to keep in contact with this guy. I took her back twice and she still continued things on-which I knew in the back of my head was going to happen. Literally everything most have said has happened. Blindly I didnt want to believe things and wanted to work on things for the children, but I cannot any longer. My marriage is over and I need to accept it no matter how hurt I am right now. I already filed for divorce so its now just a matter of time before I get the summons and serve her. I also just retained a lawyer and hope I can get joint custody of my children. No need to beat me up about this, I knew what I was doing and it happened as I thought it would.


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## Lostinthought61

nope Travel, there is no beating up, you can honestly walk away and say you tried but she wasn't willing to do anything to help....so curious when you told her that's it we're done when you discovered the tracphone...what did she say..


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## TAMAT

travelking,

Sorry to hear this.

You wrote, *I should have listened to the good folks at TAM.* I think most of the people who post here were blindsided by their spouses cheating on them and also botched their early recovery.

I can be difficult to believe how predictable affairs are until you hear enough stories.

Tamat


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## Tobyboy

Sorry to hear about the continued affair. Are going to expose high and wide like you said now?


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## eric1

Nobody is going to beat you up. You are the victim in this situation.


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## travelking

She tried to play it off as though I'm crazy when I found her receipt for the tracphone. Strangely enough I was with her blocking om's contact info with her watching on her phone at the suggestion of our marriage counselor, and open her whatsapp and literally first thing I see is the receipt. The other 2 girls who were in the group text were the only other 2 people aside from her mom and sister who knew about the affair. I was almost laughing at how dumb she thinks I am. Only drug dealers and cheaters buy tracphones. She became defensive and said I can't take this snooping just file for divorce. I'm not gonna expose too much time has passed and eventually he will get tired of her or his wife will find out. Exposing now is unnecessary stress since I already filed. My focus now are solely on my two daughters so I can ensure they don't aspire to be a side chick like their mom. He can have her, when she's alone in her apartment or pregnant by him she will see what she's done. I'm moving on


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## eric1

Exposure to OBS is still the right thing to do. It’s just one phone call and you can save another human literally years of deception


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## sokillme

travelking said:


> She tried to play it off as though I'm crazy when I found her receipt for the tracphone. Strangely enough I was with her blocking om's contact info with her watching on her phone at the suggestion of our marriage counselor, and open her whatsapp and literally first thing I see is the receipt. The other 2 girls who were in the group text were the only other 2 people aside from her mom and sister who knew about the affair. I was almost laughing at how dumb she thinks I am. Only drug dealers and cheaters buy tracphones. She became defensive and said I can't take this snooping just file for divorce. I'm not gonna expose too much time has passed and eventually he will get tired of her or his wife will find out. Exposing now is unnecessary stress since I already filed. My focus now are solely on my two daughters so I can ensure they don't aspire to be a side chick like their mom. He can have her, when she's alone in her apartment or pregnant by him she will see what she's done. I'm moving on


It's the right thing to do, and besides, F her. Let her suffer blow up her world, stop being nice.


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## Openminded

You got played. It happens. 

Expose -- but don't tell her that you are or she'll tell him and he'll have a story ready for his wife (it may already be too late but you might as well try).


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## Cormano

My STBX cheated more than once, once a cheater always a cheater


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## jlg07

@travelking, have you had her served yet? If so, what was her reaction?
Very sorry you and your children are going through this.


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## Dyokemm

The fact that the A continues is obviously still eating at you.....

Why have you not exposed this POSOM to his BW yet?

This is especially relevant since you posted not long ago about how you were going to try one last time......BUT you never exposed to kill the A off for good!!

Why would you be shocked that is has continued?

You said recently TAM was right with its advice and predictions about what she would do.....

You didn’t listen then......but why are you STILL not taking the advice even after acknowledging the posters here were right all along?

EXPOSE the A!!!!!

I don’t know if your M is beyond the possibility of R yet (it sounds like it might very well be there).....but at the least you can spare this poor BW being blindsided by her POS WH and your WW in the future.

At this point, you are making yourself complicit in the damage these scummy cheaters are doing to her and her children because you are helping to hide the A from her at this time.

Do the right thing!!!

Tell POSOM’s BW!


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