# Is this possible?



## Monday25 (Jan 27, 2010)

H was involved with old friend on Facebook. She is also married. She poured her heart out to my H. Saddled him with "my husband mistreats me" etc. I did not know. 
Weeks went by, he was her "listener". They both swear they were only friends and he's the only person she can talk to.
I found out b/c her H called and told me. 
Suddenly, my marital problems got mixed with their marital problems and we all had one big problem.
I demanded he end it with her. Supposedly, he has complied. (I cannot find evidence otherwise)
My question is this: Is it possible he wasn't all that "involved" and just got "caught up"?
From what I can tell from phone, email, and facebook records, their connection lasted 6 weeks.
I want to believe he was not *in a relationship* 
AM I FOOLING MYSELF??


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Just keep checking up on his communication with others. 
This story touches me a little, my husband had an affair with someone that started talking to him about her marital problems, It lasted about 6 months, we are now in the process of a separation......get re-connected with your husband and make sure what he felt he was getting from her he gets from you....
He wouldn't have talked for 6 weeks if he wasn't getting something out of it.

at least he has stopped and has respected you, go with that but always keep one eye open and work on your marriage so that he doesn't need to be on facebook talking to someone else....


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## Monday25 (Jan 27, 2010)

we have talked a lot about the reasons for his involvement. and, yes, he had to be getting something from it. 
i am a strong, independent woman. I do not need my husband, I want him. But, I think deep down men want to be "needed" and she made him feel like he was.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I am sorry to hear about this. I do think it is entirely possible that it only went as far as an emotional attachment. my H had his affair because he didn't feel needed. Not in the way that he felt he should be at least. I would just keep an eye on communication, and I honestly had a talk with my H about how I thought it was inappropriate for him to talk to women about ours/their marriage and that I would never talk to another man about his/mine either. We have come to that agreement at least.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

For now just keep an eye out. Really listen to what your husband is saying. Have you caught him lying? Any incidences where you can't account for his whereabouts? Most likely he just got caught up in her drama. He might want to consider giving up FB. I have my reasons, but I honestly don't think FB is a good place for married people to hang out.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Monday25 said:


> we have talked a lot about the reasons for his involvement. and, yes, he had to be getting something from it.
> i am a strong, independent woman. I do not need my husband, I want him. But, I think deep down men want to be "needed" and she made him feel like he was.


Most definitely. One of men's most common top needs is to be admired. Comes from being needed, stroking their ego, paying attention to them...

There's a questionnaire you can get at marriagebuilders.com called Emotional Needs. Ask him to fill it out, and you'll find out what his top needs are, so that you can do a better job of filling them.


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## Norm (Jan 21, 2010)

turnera said:


> There's a questionnaire you can get at marriagebuilders.com called Emotional Needs.


Where exactly is this survey on the website. I've searched for it but found nothing but links to off-site places that don't sound right. Thanks!


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

read his needs her needs.
i think i have to read it to my H again. 
it benefits both of you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Norm said:


> Where exactly is this survey on the website. I've searched for it but found nothing but links to off-site places that don't sound right. Thanks!


 Over on the right sidebar, you'll see bars called Love Busters and Emotional Needs, or something akin to that (it's been awhile since I looked for them). You dig down there, and you'll get to the questionnaires.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

stillINshock said:


> read his needs her needs.
> i think i have to read it to my H again.
> it benefits both of you.


 Yeah, I believe that's written by the founder of that website, Dr. Harley.


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## Norm (Jan 21, 2010)

Ah, I found it! It might've helped if I had copied/pasted correctly. It might be too late to be of any use in helping save my marriage, but I've got to try! Thanks!


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