# Its Over-Flowing Now...



## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

I have been separated from my husband for 2 1/2 months now. 
Is it bad that I am so sexually frustrated I could cry? 

I know this separation will more than likely lead to a divorce, seeing as though nothing has changed, and has probably gotten worse since we've separated...but what can I do???

I have toys, and I use them more frequently than I probably should  but damn...

I have opened up a lot with my husband about my sexual needs since the separation. He was not interested in any of it...and I didn't even tell him HALF of the things I wanted. Is it possible to have a marriage if you feel "deprived" of things such as sex? 

Now, I don't want you all to think I left him because of our sex life, because that is not the case. There are other issues there. But, I have come to realize that this is something I truly want and need...but if he doesn't want it...this is where I get lost.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Needy_Wife said:


> I have been separated from my husband for 2 1/2 months now.
> Is it bad that I am so sexually frustrated I could cry?
> 
> I know this separation will more than likely lead to a divorce, seeing as though nothing has changed, and has probably gotten worse since we've separated...but what can I do???
> ...


If he's not even interested... why not just move on?


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

Because he still loves me. He isn't ready for a divorce, and thinks we should work on things. But its all talk. I just have a hard time being the one to do it. I've tried, and he always talks me into more time. 

He is not interested in doing anything adventurous in the bedroom. He thinks its should be making love only...nothing more than that.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Taking sex out of a marriage or intimate relationship is the equivalent of pulling a table cloth out from under a fully set table.
It's a disaster waiting to happen. What is his issue?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

I want things that he isn't interested. I have more kink, and he just doesn't understand it. Before all of this came out...he just never wanted to have sex. I did everything imaginable to make things liven up again, but he didn't want it. We went from having sex every day, a couple times a day...to once or twice a month.
I have and will push my desires aside, but there has to be compromise on both sides. If I do that, than he should at least put forth the effort to make sex a more active thing in our lives. 
But he's not. He has told me that this is the way things will be....


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

If he is not willing even to discuss something as fundamental as your sexual fulfillment, why would you consider returning to the marriage? That's not an expression of love at all, in my opinion. People who love each other ought to at least be willing to tolerate some personal discomfort or "stretching" in order to have their partner be fulfilled.

Trust me when I say there are LOTS of high-quality men who would be more than happy to explore your needs in that area. I think you should find one of them, and let the past be the past.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Just out of curiosity are the two of you seeing a counselor together? If nothing else a decent counselor could do wonders for your communication with each other and like reading is the root of all book learning, communication is the root of all relationship building.

Is he totally not interested in sex or is he just not interested in sex with you?

I'm not asking for graphic here but I do not quite get this statement..."He is not interested in doing anything adventurous in the bedroom. He thinks its should be making love only...nothing more than that. " 

Also by "making love only" are you saying just copulating or just lovey based sex?


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

We are not seeking counseling. He refuses. He is not comfortable telling a stranger about our most intimate problems. 

He is just not interested in sex. I know he isn't cheating...so that isn't it. He just lost the urge. 

I mean something like role playing, or I don't know...slap my ass and pull my hair to make me feel like you are liking it, and to give me that drive to keep going. I feel like I am having sex with myself half the time. 

Making Love: Only in bed, only at night, nothing kinky, no foreplay, basic positions, staring into each others eyes. Don't get me wrong...that is wonderful every once in a while. But I personally don't view sex as a love only type thing. I think of it as an "art". Make it fun and creative. Change things up, try new things. 

I am only 26 years old. I feel like we are an old married couple.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Needy_Wife said:


> We are not seeking counseling. He refuses. He is not comfortable telling a stranger about our most intimate problems.
> ...


I hate to say this but - the two of you are already separated and he is not interested in participating int the one thing that has the best odds of getting the two of you back together? Doesn't sound like he wants to be with you anymore.

Unfortunately sex is the least of your problems. Simply put if you become single I'm sure you will have no problems having your desires met sexually. If you desire to remain married, it is certainly not at the top of the list as far as steps YOU will have to take (don't get me wrong sex is extremely important in most marriages -unless neither have an interest) the trick is he doesn't appear interested in having the marriage work so the task would be all yours until either he jumps on board or you decide it is no longer worth carrying the load all yourself.


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## Unit4 (Mar 15, 2009)

Needy_Wife said:


> We went from having sex every day, a couple times a day...to once or twice a month.
> ...


But what pace were you on, regularly before you would say things went to "once or twice a month". FWIW, lots of couples your age probably work ok at that rate. I understand maybe that's not for you, but many here treat your husband as if he's totally denying you. I think you should retrace where things were, say, after the first year and, from there, how they began to change. Was he ever _regularly_ more than the "dovey" style lover that bores you? I mean, is it possible the kink compatibility was never really there in the first place? 

FWIW, I hear where you're coming from. Sex does not equal eroticism and the apetite for the latter requires a certain satisfaction or it, too, just builds. At 26, you have more years ahead this way. I wish I could rewind my wife's drive to back then, but the tables have turned.


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