# looking for advice



## verko2 (Feb 26, 2014)

I tried to write a short version first but I can't help but describe in detail so, sorry in advance for the long read but your advice is appreciated.

I'm 23 and my wife is 22. We have known each other for 3.5yrs and been married for a year and a half. When we were only bf/gf we had sex every day, sometimes twice. About a year and a half before we got married my wife was rear ended hard in a hit and run. She now has fibromyalgia, the doctors say the accident triggered it but it has always been in her body. The meds for fibromyalgia lower sex drive as a side effect and plus she never has the energy to do anything more than plain missionary where I always want to explore. We have talked about it time and time again. She tries very hard to keep up with me. Usually she just gives me a hand job. I'm ok with that because it relieves me and makes her happy. 

Now the problem is more with me. I'm such a HD that I want something every day and she always tells me I can wait and I don't need it unless I wait like 2-4 days before asking for pleasure again. 

Does anyone have advice for me to not feel like I need relief every day or maybe advice on talking to my wife about my HD. I love her so much and I dont ever want to upset her, but when she makes me wait my 23yr old mind/hormones start fantasizing about other women in my life and then I feel guilty for wanting someone else. She also doesn't want me to "take care of it myself", but I sometimes do when I have privacy, which is rarely...

Oh and we do not have kids, but I love my wife too much to ever leave her.
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## verko2 (Feb 26, 2014)

Also I had bought us both masturbation toys as one of our 1yr anniversary presents. She was somewhat displeased at first, now she is kind of ok with it but she has only used hers maybe twice and only let me use mine once. She thinks I'm going to replace her with my toy if I use it a lot, and I can't explain it to her that it wouldn't ever replace her
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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I don't think she should be monitoring your masturbation if she isn't able to meet your needs. 

It's masturbation, not a mistress.


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## verko2 (Feb 26, 2014)

MissScarlett said:


> I don't think she should be monitoring your masturbation if she isn't able to meet your needs.
> 
> It's masturbation, not a mistress.


That's what I think too, I haven't really talked to her about masturbation much. I guess I would like to do it with her watching but I'm sure that's no fun to someone not in the mood
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Well, if she doesn't want to watch she doesn't. 

I understand you are in pain and are not able to be with me as much as I would like to be with you. This situation is not healthy for me and I will be masturbating daily so I am not pestering you for sex when you aren't available.

Period. She can't be stingy AND police masturbation. One or the other!


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I would try to work out some kind of right of first refusal decision. Basically, you go to her first and if she says no then you are free to masturbate.
Wanting her to be involved with it might not be an option every time but she should make the effort to try some of the times so you can feel the connection of being together.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Is her mouth broken?

No seriously this really is a tough call being only early 20's I do believe this will snowball into a sexless marriage one day. i think you can go one of two ways...

1. Understand she had an accident and like most men where a wife had an accident they might just accept that and wait the recovery out or accept the disability.

2. You tell her about the deal breaker for you and be prepared to divorce her... this would allow you to find a new wife being early 20's and a perhaps much better sex life.

There is no shame either way seeing as you have 60-70 or so years left


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Is her mouth broken?

No seriously this really is a tough call being only early 20's I do believe this will snowball into a sexless marriage one day. I think you can go one of two ways...

1. Understand she had an accident and you made your vows and like most men where a wife had an accident they might just accept that and wait the recovery out or accept the disability and lack of sex.

2. You tell her about the deal breaker for you and be prepared to divorce her... this would allow you to find a new wife being early 20's and a perhaps much better sex life....should she not comply.

There is no shame either way seeing as you have 60-70 or so years left .... each man has to decide.

If you choose 1 be prepared for that love to be strained.
If you choose 2 you will likely feel like a jerk.

Hope it works out.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Dang, she can't limit you like this. I think as long as your masturbation doesn't interfere with the times she wants to have sex, and it doesn't seem like that will be a problem for you, she has no right to stop you from masturbating.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I like the right of first refusal idea. If she is not interested in meeting you needs than you have the right to take care of yourself.

It is not up to her to decide how much sex you need anymore than it is your right to expect her to have sex every day.


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