# Why am I having a hard time moving on?



## tica (Jan 19, 2012)

Here's some background information 1st. Been with my husband for 10 yrs now, married 6 of those. We have two beautiful kids and in the beginning of September I was blindsided by him saying he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Now he's in the military so he's gone a lot on missions. After begging to seek counseling, he gave me a solid week before he stated he just doesn't love me anymore. From that point on I find out new information weekly. To make a long story short, he met some 'young thing' while he was away at at school, from what I'm gathering although he's still not being forthcoming with me. Mind you, when he left for this school I was home with an almost 3yr old and a 1 month old! Yes 1 month and he cheated on me. There is a whole lot more to the story but the long and the short of it was he was in a rush for me and my 2 girls to get out of military housing so basically he can be on his marry way. While we were together, we decided if we wanted baby #2 I would stay at home because childcare would be costly, so I had no job, no place to stay! Thankfully my dad took us in, but it's very hard having to live back home with a parent when I'm a parent myself and struggling. I struggle every day with my emotions, I don't feel like I've been able to fully deal with my emotions because I'm too worried about my girls and trying to find a job so we can hopefully be able to move out on our own. 
How did any of you deal with this, anyone have a similar situation and have advice? I just feel so alone, I'm not happy and just feel so hopeless. Thank goodness i have my girls, they are the only beautiful things getting me through all of this and I am so thankful to have them. But every day seems to be a struggle! How can I move on or at least try to deal with this when I know he's living a happy, care free life with his new little thing, not even remotely concerned about how we are doing. I just don't understand how someone can give up 10 yrs just like that and be ok with it!!!!!!! I'm sorry if I went off on tangents, I'm so lost with everyone right now...


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

It's only been four and half months since you found out and it takes time to fully accept that someone you love and trust, someone who made you believe that he loved and trusted you, could betray you like this. He's very much in the fog of his affair, so his mind is on other things and not on harassing or hurting you, not on trying to win you back, and not on feeling this sense of loss. Unfortunately, you're left feeling it because for you, it's new information and you're having to get used to it. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It really sucks. 

But, look at how strong you are! You didn't beg or plead him to stay, you didn't chase him, and you are trying to get back on your feet and making an effort to move forward with your life, even though your heart hasn't caught up yet. That's brave and it IS moving forward. I'm glad you guys do have somewhere to stay and that you have some support. While you might be in a rush to have your own place again, I think you should allow yourself to accept the time and the help you're getting from your family (if it is good for you and if it comes with no strings attached). Take your time finding a place that will feel like home. And, talk to friends or a therapist or people here; it will help you feel better.

It sounds like you really are trying to stay positive. Hang in there and try to find some to take care of yourself -- read books or watch movies or exercise or write in a journal or get a massage; take time to wear clothes you like and makeup and perfume that makes you feel good about yourself; and remember that you only have to get through one day at a time. You were together for ten years and you've gotta grieve that loss to let go and it won't happen overnight.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

tica said:


> Here's some background information 1st. Been with my husband for 10 yrs now, married 6 of those. We have two beautiful kids and in the beginning of September I was blindsided by him saying he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Now he's in the military so he's gone a lot on missions. After begging to seek counseling, he gave me a solid week before he stated he just doesn't love me anymore. From that point on I find out new information weekly. To make a long story short, he met some 'young thing' while he was away at at school, from what I'm gathering although he's still not being forthcoming with me. Mind you, when he left for this school I was home with an almost 3yr old and a 1 month old! Yes 1 month and he cheated on me. There is a whole lot more to the story but the long and the short of it was he was in a rush for me and my 2 girls to get out of military housing so basically he can be on his marry way. While we were together, we decided if we wanted baby #2 I would stay at home because childcare would be costly, so I had no job, no place to stay! Thankfully my dad took us in, but it's very hard having to live back home with a parent when I'm a parent myself and struggling. I struggle every day with my emotions, I don't feel like I've been able to fully deal with my emotions because I'm too worried about my girls and trying to find a job so we can hopefully be able to move out on our own.
> How did any of you deal with this, anyone have a similar situation and have advice? I just feel so alone, I'm not happy and just feel so hopeless. Thank goodness i have my girls, they are the only beautiful things getting me through all of this and I am so thankful to have them. But every day seems to be a struggle! How can I move on or at least try to deal with this when I know he's living a happy, care free life with his new little thing, not even remotely concerned about how we are doing. I just don't understand how someone can give up 10 yrs just like that and be ok with it!!!!!!! I'm sorry if I went off on tangents, I'm so lost with everyone right now...


Sorry this has happened to you. This is a very stupid thing for him to be doing, and he needs some intervention. You need to get in touch with his commanding officer and tell him/her about the infidelity and see what happens. My guess is that there will be counseling and maybe some negative consequences for him, and there should be. He has a responsibility to you and to his children that he is shirking. If you know who the "Young thing" is, out her too. This is very unprofessional conduct from both of them; and your actions may wake them up. If you have already done this without result, go higher. Best of luck to you.


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