# sexual imcompatible with hubby



## noelledp27 (Aug 3, 2011)

Hi,
I'm 32 years old and been married for 3 years. Sex has always been a problem between my husband and I even before we were married. We often argue during sex about what we want or don't want...I feel stressed and this has weighed heavily on me for quite some time. I think I'm not sexually compatible with him. I married him cause I love him very much and he is loyal and treats me right, when others have not. We have talked about our sex issues before but my feelings have not changed. I've tried to be more open minded and have never had problems in the bedroom before. I don't know if I could live this way the rest of my life, or can because, sex isn't the most important thing in a marriage right? Could someone have it all? or is that part of the fairytale? Your advice is great appreciated...


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Are you able to be a little more specific? Does he want to do things that you don't want? Do you want to do things that he doesn't want? Would you like to have sex more often? less often? Are you able to climax when having sex, i.e. is he able to pleasure you during lovemaking?

How are things going overall with the relationship?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sex is pretty dame importat to most men in their marriage.


just as important as him being loyal and treating you right as you say.

so you get what you need and he gets a well thats just not that important to me so too bad.


now with that said if he is pushing for things that are just to kinky or too far out of your comfot zone then you guys very well might be incompatible


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Hard to judge without the details. For example is it that he wants you do do things you are not comfortable with, or he refuses to do things that give you pleasure? 

When you say sex isn't the most important thing in a marriage... I'd be careful with that. For some individuals (many individuals), sexual fulfillment is the most important emotional need in a marriage. If you as a wife cannot meet your husband's most important emotional needs, and he cannot meet your most important emotional needs, then problems will result.


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## kelevra (May 19, 2011)

what exactly do you argue about.... details


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> sex is pretty dame importat to most men in their marriage.
> 
> 
> just as important as him being loyal and treating you right as you say.
> ...


She didn't say it wasn't important at all or she wouldn't be here asking for help, now would she? 
OP, we need more information about what is going on. Not all of us are clarvoyant.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> She didn't say it wasn't important at all or she wouldn't be here asking for help, now would she?
> OP, we need more information about what is going on. Not all of us are clarvoyant.


would you please back off of commenting on everything I post with a sarcastic attitude.

she did insinuate by her coment that it wasn't the most important thing in a marriage.

and I think that for most Men it ranks up there with all the things that are important in a marriage.some might even sugest it is their most important thing about marriage.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

noelledp27 said:


> We often argue during sex about what we want or don't want.
> 
> I've tried to be more open minded and have never had problems in the bedroom before.


More details are needed.

Based on these two sentences, it sounds like there's some issues going on with control and possibly lack of respect? This needs to be dealt with outside the bedroom first.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> would you please back off of commenting on everything I post with a sarcastic attitude.
> 
> she did insinuate by her coment that it wasn't the most important thing in a marriage.
> 
> and I think that for most Men it ranks up there with all the things that are important in a marriage.some might even sugest it is their most important thing about marriage.


I think you completely missed the point here. No she did not insinuate any such thing. She said that she does not think she could stay in the marriage with these problems. She turns it around in her head questioning if she should contemplate leaving over sex. It is a question she is asking - is sex an important enough element in a marriage such that she should leave if she can not solve the problem. I hope this helps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

It's a real shame when people come here looking for help, and get scared off when one poster criticizes and argues with another poster.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

chillymorn said:


> would you please back off of commenting on everything I post with a sarcastic attitude.
> 
> she did insinuate by her coment that it wasn't the most important thing in a marriage.
> 
> and I think that for most Men it ranks up there with all the things that are important in a marriage.some might even sugest it is their most important thing about marriage.


I'd say she was reacting in kind with sarcasm after seeing your own.

In any event, I hope the OP comes back and clarifies the troubles that occur.



chillymorn said:


> so you get what you need and he gets a well thats just not that important to me so too bad.





Therealbrighteyes said:


> She didn't say it wasn't important at all or she wouldn't be here asking for help, now would she?
> OP, we need more information about what is going on. Not all of us are clarvoyant.


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

Sounds like you may be incompatable if he wants it and you don't then it will be the most important thing to him, or vice versa. Feel for you both x


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## jerseygirl27 (Aug 23, 2010)

noelle---
Since you and him have already tried discussing your sexual incompatibility, I would write him a letter. Writing it down would make you feel better and it is a different form of communication. My husband hates talking about issues in our relationship. It is very difficult to get him to open up and talk. I am the total opposite and need to talk. Doesn't every woman? So we made a communication notebook for when we really want to discuss something without arguing. Don't get me wrong, we still talk face to face, but this has allowed him to open up more to me. If you write him a letter, point out all the positives in your relationship. Do not place the blame on him or make it negative. Tell him how much you love him and how much he means to you. Tell him that you would like to work this out because that aspect of your relationship makes you unhappy. Ask him if he would consider marriage counseling? If he loves you as much as you love him, he would want to make you happy and work on things! Good luck to you.


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