# advice and probably how to let go



## 86gtmustang (Mar 30, 2013)

Im usually not one to talk about much but im in need of advice . Im 26, my wife is 23. Weve been together for 6 years and married for 4. We have a 3 year old lil boy . She has never worked a day in her life, never got a drivers license , both her choice . About a year ago i caught her red handed talking/flirting with an ex. Whole time shes trying to convince me its her cousin . She finally admitted it later. Things seamed ok for a while. Then for reasons i dont know about my neighbor called DSS on us for "doing drugs in front of our son" i laughed. Im clean, told them its a lie but they tested us anyway. She failed for pot. I had no idea. After much hell they didnt take our son thank god. Yet again much arguing and fussing but things seemed ok for a while. About 2 months ago i was texting her while i was at work. (I work night shift from 4pm-6am) i could tell something was off so i called, immediately noticed she was drunk. So i went home telling my boss i had an emergency . Got home to noone there. No wife or son. Called her back and she promised shes at home and she has no idea why im worried , said shes sober (while slurring). I tracked her down (love verizon family locator ) she had been out with my 55 year old single male cousin riding around drinking to the point of stupidity with my son in the car. When i found her naked from the waist down at a friend of hers that she just showed up at around 3am she didnt even know where my son was.(he was asleep in said friends bed). Well that kinda broke me i kicked her out with nothing and signed temporary custody of him to my mom. (14 hour shifts i cant take him alone) we stayed separated for a month before i even spoke to her again. I do still love her. She has spent the last week back home with me. Swearing shes gonna change that shes sorry she was bored. 2 days ago i picked up her phone and found her as a member of a date site. Told me its like Facebook not to worry. Just to talk to people. So i pulled up her messages . I guess telling 8 different men you wanna **** is talking now? And one of them being the ex she almost cheated on me with a yr ago. Now shes telling me " im a grown woman ill do whatever i want when i want". Oh yea and shes pregnant ....told me shes 95% sure its mine. Said shes never cheated but cant remember nothing the night she was with my cousin .......i want her to change so badly but even if she does how can i trust her ever again? Ill be honest, i have HUGE trust issues. Its insanely hard for me to trust someone that has never wronged me much less someone who threw it away.im lost. Im at work on my phone so please excuse typos . Touch screens hate me


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sorry  she is and a cheater, a drunk, smokes pot, (maybe in front of your kid, don't dismiss the possibly) a liar, does not work or even drive. You need to think about what is best for you and your child. is she pregnant and still drinking? This is very harmful to the fetus. You can't change a person, only she can and it takes lots of work. 

Please seek help and get out, you deserve better and so does your son. As soon as she has the baby DNA test him.

Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

She is also endangering your son, what it they would have crashed? What is someone took your son and harmed/raped/killed him? He's going to remember this and what he is seeing can traumatized him. Please don't take this lighly she is unfit to care for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 86gtmustang (Mar 30, 2013)

Of all things i know the danger. Which is the reason i kicked her out and got my son to my moms. Theres much more to it as with all things. Im not even gonna start on the selfishness. Or how many times ive worked 3 days with no sleep at all so i could do what she wanted after work. I finally stopped staying up all day and working all night when i broke my ankle at work. I work at a lumber mill. Insanely dangerous. Even aftef all shes done the only reason i put her out was because of my son. I told her the same you just told me about how dangerous that was. I just..well i dont know. Being alone drived me insane . I havent been alone since i was 15. It turns me into a depressed drunk.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

You should NOT trust this woman. The only chance of her getting herself sorted out is by facing real consequences for her actions. I'm guessing she's a learn it the hard way sort of woman. 

Kick her out. Only take her back if she:

1. Joins AA or something like it to get sober 
2. Comes clean about her cheating 
3. Agrees to marriage counseling
4. Demonstrates a willingness to change based on agreed-upon goals.

Even then, make her work to earn a reconciliation. This isn't punitive. She needs to wake up and stop endangering her child, herself, and you.

Tell get to grow up or get gone.


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

Think of you and your son for now. Shes pregnant and should maybe be in rehab toprotect the baby. Sorry your in this spot.


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## 86gtmustang (Mar 30, 2013)

Shes clean. She never was a drug addict or an alcoholic. She hasnt smoked pot since that happened. And shes a binge drinker i guess? Only drinks once in a while but when she does she does. Shes acting like shes trying i will say that. But i know her. She found out what life is without someone to support you and no job. So wouldnt you shut up and go with whatever right now? I know i should call it quits but its hard. My grandparents raised me Christian and divorce, even in my eyes, is frowned upon


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## 86gtmustang (Mar 30, 2013)

Damn. Even now when somethings said against her i get defensive knowing i cant defend her anymore


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

It's normal to feel defensive, you are thinking with your heart. 

You won't be alone, you have a son and from whar I read parents who care. regards to divorce its allowed when your spouse is unfaithful. I also don't think God wants you to live like this. Please seek support from your parents and friends. This is a lot to deal with, you should be proud of yourself for realizing her destructive behavior and for coming here. IMO you are still very young but, heading in the right direction. You deserve someone with good values who will respect and love you, you deserve to be happy. (and you will)


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