# 16 years of my life down the drain; Need Advice



## pureguts1 (Feb 3, 2011)

Two years ago i installed monitoring software on my computer due to a suspicious wife. instantly, I notice desperate searches for my wifes x boyfriend on the computer. The part that hurts me most was that she waited for the moment i left for work to search(time stamps). She joined several search engines, and this continued for a week. When i confronted her, she played stupid, blamed my daughter, called me paranoid until she finally admitted it. She says she was just curious. I think it seemed too pre-meditated, and that she must have been thinking about him alot to do this. WHAT IS YOUR VIEW ON THIS???
I have NEVER EVER cheated on my wife, 16 years faithful to her. For the past 6 months.My wife has been acting similar. Suspicious, and that her mind is not on me. Yesterday,i told her i wanted a divorce, due to that i didnt feel that her mind wasnt on me,and that she wasnt " in love" with me. She now says she loves me and thinking of only me. I think this is only temperorary, and she will continue to search or her x eventually, and i dont want to waste any more time of our lives.
Please advise. i need your view.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Curiosity maybe?
I have looked up some of my old gf on FB, just to see what they look like now and what they are doing.
I have contacted a few people (M & F) via quickie emails.

But I haven't tried to hide it....


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Like Dan said. he didn't try to hide. The fact that she IS trying to hide it would concern me too. You know in your gut when your spouse is not in love, and is focusing on someone else. Maybe she does need a wake up call.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

How does she treat you in general?
- Is she respectful in how she speaks to you?
- Is she kind and warm?
- Does she seem "happy" to see you after work?
- Does she still like having sex with you or is she always making up excuses to avoid sex?




pureguts1 said:


> Two years ago i installed monitoring software on my computer due to a suspicious wife. instantly, I notice desperate searches for my wifes x boyfriend on the computer. The part that hurts me most was that she waited for the moment i left for work to search(time stamps). She joined several search engines, and this continued for a week. When i confronted her, she played stupid, blamed my daughter, called me paranoid until she finally admitted it. She says she was just curious. I think it seemed too pre-meditated, and that she must have been thinking about him alot to do this. WHAT IS YOUR VIEW ON THIS???
> I have NEVER EVER cheated on my wife, 16 years faithful to her. For the past 6 months.My wife has been acting similar. Suspicious, and that her mind is not on me. Yesterday,i told her i wanted a divorce, due to that i didnt feel that her mind wasnt on me,and that she wasnt " in love" with me. She now says she loves me and thinking of only me. I think this is only temperorary, and she will continue to search or her x eventually, and i dont want to waste any more time of our lives.
> Please advise. i need your view.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So first, it doesn't seem likely she's actually cheated on you, unless there's more to the story.

Second, I believe that a spouse looking to go outside the marriage usually means some of their needs aren't being met. That doesn't mean it's your fault, but it does mean that you both might have work to do to fix things.

C


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## Whatshisname (Jan 12, 2011)

I agree with PBear. She hasn't cheated on you.
I have looked up old girlfriends and my wife was helping me do it! We looked up old Bfriends of hers too. It was just a curiosity thing ~ wondered where they are now ~ married, kids, what they look like so many years later. No cheating intended, just curious. 
Don't let this destroy your relationship, it sounds like your W wants to make things good again.


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## Tourchwood (Feb 1, 2011)

I hope you didnt tell her about the Monitor thing. and you should have waited longer to see where is this going. 
it is very disrespectful to search for Ex. it happened to me before and found out using computer monitor she never done it again, but she only did it once or twice on facebook only. 
what i'm thinking is that she missed her old boy friend or the old adventures. May be if he contacted her back she would go out with him.


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