# 33M here: How do act during the discovery phase?



## Overzealous11 (Nov 19, 2015)

I am trying the 180 as best I can during the holidays. Been on NMMNG, on and off again last few days...


But with my attention required during these holidays....

...while holding in that I will be getting an STD test, VAR the van, taking old phone to computer tech I know 3rd person, plus seriously knowing I may/nit be serving her D papers during this time

How does one act normal, discreet, unbothered, unphased, and most importantly unhurt and focused?

I feel that if I can make it in and out of the holidays, coming out of them may Be easier...


Any words on how to make it through the uncovery phase?

TIA TAM


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Keep your mouth shut, eyes and ears open. Try and act as normal as possible.

Does she know you know or suspect?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Put all your evidence in a secure place, I'd even make two copies.The point of acting normal is to gather as much other evidence you may need without her destroying, deleting or going underground.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Your attorney will give you a primer on how to properly behave during the discovery phase ~ meanwhile, just act naturally, like absolutely nothing at all is wrong!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Her phone will be the key. Getting the deleted texts recovered are a must. To establish a timeline just go back through the phone records online. Takes 30 minutes or so. Plus you can download and sort by phone number. Depending on the phone service you have.


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## Overzealous11 (Nov 19, 2015)

No she does not know, however I am pretty transparent on my feelings. Really trying to put up the front.


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## Overzealous11 (Nov 19, 2015)

Marc878 said:


> Her phone will be the key. Getting the deleted texts recovered are a must. To establish a timeline just go back through the phone records online. Takes 30 minutes or so. Plus you can download and sort by phone number. Depending on the phone service you have.


I have found it impossible to find the root that works for Samsung Alcatel - with Pop Astro running Kit Kat.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Do you have kids? If so engage with them. Tell her you are distracted with work etc. get out of the house some. Anything to keep her at bay until you get all the info you need.

Someone here may be able to help you with the phone. Is she currently using it? 

Do not do the 180 at this point. Don't clue her in.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Overzealous11 said:


> I have found it impossible to find the root that works for Samsung Alcatel - with Pop Astro running Kit Kat.


There are many download apps on the internet that should be able to get you what you need. However, a good PC whiz can probably do it as well.

Sorry you are here. You'll get a lot of good advice. Hang on and act as normal as you can. Blame it on anything else for the moment.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You got a good start. Var will get you much info but you need those phone texts, info.

Also any info off the PC, Facebook, etc will be good. 

Are you in a no fault state????


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## Overzealous11 (Nov 19, 2015)

Marc878 said:


> Overzealous11 said:
> 
> 
> > I have found it impossible to find the root that works for Samsung Alcatel - with Pop Astro running Kit Kat.
> ...


I literally tried the top 10 other than Coolmuster, and none of them works.


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## Overzealous11 (Nov 19, 2015)

To answer a question..

In a no fault state and 2 children.
8 and 5 boys.
God love them.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Overzealous11 said:


> I literally tried the top 10 other than Coolmuster, and none of them works.


Do you have the phone?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Ok so you just want the info to confront?

When did you discover? Do you know who? Checking your phone records online will give you the number then you can look it up. There are services that can get that info.


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## Overzealous11 (Nov 19, 2015)

Yes
Old phone of hers
She never wiped it clean 
Samsung Alcatel Astro Pop
Running Kit Kat 4.4.44


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## Overzealous11 (Nov 19, 2015)

Marc878 said:


> Ok so you just want the info to confront?
> 
> When did you discover? Do you know who? Checking your phone records online will give you the number then you can look it up. There are services that can get that info.



5 months ago
Soft confrontation in retrospect

No I do not know who
Current phone is clean


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showthread.php?t=309105

OZ, you are killing me. 

Stick with one thread, brother.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...dence-post-6.html?highlight=standard+evidence

A lot of info here


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

0P so glad you decided to put your foot down. We all know you're a pain. Definitely take that phone to a specialist (super geek). The most difficult part of all this is that you have to act like everything good. It very important she believes it is business as usual. Not to alarm her. Placing a VAR in her car underneath the driver seat Velcro. If there is anywhere else in the house she is likely to have private conversation, would be a good place for additional VAR. She has an android phone, you can find software that will let you monitor Phone calls, texts, email. Unfortunately iPhones very limited. Does she use a computer at home If yes install Key logger.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Follow some of the 180 instructions that allow you to stay polite and unemotional with her. Focus on your sons as you go about your business at home. Talk to them, play with them, etc. Tell your WW that you aren't feeling well - headache, etc. - so that she has an excuse for what she perceives as you being 'off.'


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Cool as a cucumber.

I might drop the 180 for now, though, as implementing it -- especially over the holidays -- while sleuthing might tip your hand.

Oh, and if your buddy is able to find anything on that old phone, please feel free to share details w/ respect to how he went about it (i.e. any software that he might have used, etc).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Imovedforthis (Dec 18, 2015)

It's freaking hard!! To hide emotions and act normal all while trying to uncover stuff. I have such a big mouth and that is the HARDEST- to just keep my dang mouth shut. I always want to spout off some smart ass comment. 

Stay busy.... get way involved with the kids- hey it's Christmas after all. 

Just know that the more you let her know or clue her in that you are trying to uncover info the harder she will do to keep it secret. 

I would even store the stuff somewhere else if you can. Leave all you have found at work or somewhere else safe. So she doesn't find it. 

It's going to start getting tricky once you get the VAR in place bc you have to keep retrieving it and putting it back. to listen to it and charge it up. 

I wouldn't do the 180- that will be first thing she suspects... so I guess in others words "fake it till you make it" 

When my mind starts wandering I have to HURRY and change my thoughts before I start obsessing. That has been helping lately. I just start thinking about or focusing on my current goals I have going and remind myself that obsessing over stuff isn't helping me achieve my goals. It fools me for a minute or two but hey, anything helps. 

Listening to music I like helps too... avoid QUIET times! those are the worst bc you will just start thinking too much. Keep yourself busy and around loud stuff ha. My house is pretty chaotic and the only times they are quiet is rare times during the day while kids sleep. It's during these moments my mind will go crazy and I will start obsessing about this OW.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here.

How to act ? Prepare yourself for the worst. Blame shifting,I dont love you,you were never good enough,I was never happy with you and all of that crap.

Now here is a positive thing : you have more time for yourself and your sons. Spend your time with them as much as possible. Work on yourself. Find your confidence. Start respecting yourself.


Stay strong.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

"why you acting funny?"
think I might have a stomach bug.

covers not wanting sex with her, not eating, and acting funny.

Gus is a deity on phones. listen to him. do not deviate. phones are gold mines of info. and easy to mess up and let the cheater figure out you are suspicious.

vars are very very good and low risk done correctly.

be wary of "no fault". nc for example calls itself no fault because it allows it. however nc also has a clause about cheating and alimony.


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## Overzealous11 (Nov 19, 2015)

weightlifter said:


> "why you acting funny?"
> think I might have a stomach bug.
> 
> covers not wanting sex with her, not eating, and acting funny.
> ...



Thanks for good words.
Send Gus a PM, hopefully after holidays 
I plan on taking it to cell repair shop tomorrow after work. If it truly cannot bring back the deleted texts, then its poly and papers...


My state has same thing as NC, whereif I can D due to infidelity, it helps husbands case on those items.


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

Did you try Towel Root? Not sure if you mentioned already in the multiple posts.

Cheers,
V(13)


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## Overzealous11 (Nov 19, 2015)

Voltaire2013 said:


> Did you try Towel Root? Not sure if you mentioned already in the multiple posts.
> 
> Cheers,
> V(13)


I did try Towel and nada.
Reddit guy offered another and no luck.

Thanks though!!


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

Just busy yourself. Any time you feel like you are going to let the cat out of the bag stop and think about how good it will feel to hit her with everything all at once. A lot better than a bunch of paper cuts. You want this to be quick and clean and decisive. No chance of her throwing it back at you.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Be sure to know how your state court will determine custody if you divorce. Use it as a guideline to maximize your custody of your children. 

Remember any lawyer knows the text of the law, a great lawyer makes it work, live, and breathe for their client. In most cases the single most important consideration is what is least disruptive to the children life's. If so don't leave the house, and try to buy her out.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

What happened to you OZ?


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