# My heart is breaking



## meganrey

I grew up with divorced parents who continuously made bad relationship decisions. I watched their mistakes and swore that I would do better. I didn't want to even get married because I thought that it would only end in heart break so instead I focused on my education and interests. I was a late bloomer and didn't really start dating until I was in college. 

I finally started dating the man that would become my husband. He was stationed in Texas, but I had grown up with him and his sister. I kept myself guarded and he wasn't a real threat to my heart. Eventually he wore me down and earned my trust. I told him about my past and my fears. I wanted to have a supportive, healthy relationship. His parents were the stereotypical happy, adorable couple who had been married since they were 17. He had horrible relationships in the past and realized that I was a good girl who he could have that marriage with. Within 10 months he was out of the Air Force and was pursuing me actively and had decided I was the one. Things were great and after dating two years we were engaged. 

His sister (who was my friend since 7th grade) experienced a break up and decided that I was stealing her brother. She went to a very dark place and spiraled out of control. She went out of her way to make me miserable and lied about me to others. He didn't believe it. Looking back, I should have seen this coming, but I was naive and in shock about her behavior. He eventually did see some of it, but she was his sister and he asked me to help her get through it. With time, we had reached a neutral place were the friendship was over, but we respected each others roles in his life. 

We were married a few years later and we weren't best friends. This was okay, I told myself, because it is good to have some things separate in life. We did some things together, but we did have different interests. On paper we should have been great, but my heart hurt even then. He would spend his weekends pursuing his interests like video games with his cousins and hanging out drinking with his sister and brother in law. I would spend time with his and my family and friends, but I am not a drinker. I ended up at home alone until I was supposed to go pick him up at 2, 3, 4, or 5 a.m. 

He is happy putting his interests and others ahead of me most of the time. I have approached the subject of feeling neglected, but he isn't a person who listens to others' feelings. We will have a "date night" that always goes very well, but the rest of the time we live separate lives. We have been married a few years and do not have children. I still love the man that I married, but I feel like he takes me for granted and does not believe that he has neglecting me. I feel stupid for letting myself get into this situation. In all other areas of my life I am strong and realistic, but I see other people's relationships (which I know are not perfect) and ask myself how I could be this stupid to let myself feel this hurt.


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## OrangeDawn

Have you ever been very honest with him about how you feel?


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## cb45

if u think divorce is ok, under these circumstances then u need to plan yer
exit strategy.

if u do not think it enough then u need to plan yer stayin
strategy.

either way u must remind him of the importance of that 
conversation long ago. reiterate if u must, but make it
clear.

then proceed w/ yer strategy(ies), and act act act upon 
them. he'll get the msg even if u stay, but u develop 
yerself, and leave him out if nec, for awhile./SIZE]


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## blueblueblue

I understand how you feel. I have been going through the same thing (feeling neglected and at a lower rank than his friends/family) with my husband for years and years. We talked and fought about it until I could not take it anymore. Finally, I just accepted it and have been actively pursuing my own interests and spending time with my friends. I guess I have a small hope that he will miss me and seek me out, but that has not been the case so far. Some days I deal with it better than others. I feel so lonely sometimes and I HATE romantic movies with a passion (probably because I am jealous and bitter about my own relationship). I pray to God to take away my despair and give me peace, and some days I do not think about my flawed relationship at all. I do not believe in divorce, so I try to find ways to cope and to avoid the tempation of seeking solace else where. I try to convince myself that romantic love as a basis for marriage is a modern construction that has weakened the institution of marriage and has caused much disillusion and saddness in the people who have subscribed to it. Try to put away your anger and enjoy the time that you do spend together. You may not be able to control him, but you can control how you feel and react. - Peace


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## Nickj

I understand how you feel in this condition. But please don't make yourself desperate. Just talk to your husband. How you feel?? I think he will understand you and always make yourself happy..


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## aalina387

Women do not like to be professed eternal love and caring.Pay attention to the things she is saying about herself. This give you less chances of making mistakes and gives you information about her that you can use to relate to her.


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