# I do not want children



## jwalker (Nov 22, 2011)

Hello! In advance sorry for my English, it is far from perfect. In the past I came from Ukraine. In the culture of the country from which I came to build a family and decided to have children early. 

Tell me how you feel about that? 
Do you want to have a family, up to 25 years? 

I have a girlfriend that I love, she's 23 and a minimum of a year she wants to have children. But I do not want to. 

Have you had such a situation? And how did you solve them.

Thanks


----------



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Your English is understandable. It is a very hard language to learn.

You and your girlfriend are still young. Both of you have lots of time to start a family.

Are you saying that you never want kids, or just not right now?


----------



## EddieJ333 (Mar 10, 2012)

What I did exactly when I got married was to make a deal with my wife to not to have children but after three years of living a peaceful, childless matrimony. I think both of us had to change slightly our plans, because she wanted to have children faster and I planned it to happen longer than this period of time, but we discovered it was a nice treat. We were young like you both, we enjoyed our matrimony along that time, and when our first child came we both were very happy to get her. I advice you to do a deal for a time you both agree on.


----------



## Untouchable (Sep 15, 2012)

If you don't want kids then tell her. You might change your mind in a couple of years and decide to try. Just openly tell her how you feel about the whole situation because if you keep it boxed up she will never know and if she brings it up frequently it could cause some issues. 

But, I personally think that in marriage you give up the "I"s for the "Us" and maybe agree on something. Just my thoughts.


----------



## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

jwalker said:


> I have a girlfriend that I love, she's 23 and a minimum of a year she wants to have children. But I do not want to.


Your English is fine. It's better than my Ukranian. The only thing I would like to know is if you mean that you never want children, or just do not want them in the next year or two.

It is my very humble opinion that if you do not want children at all (ever) then you must end your relationship with your girlfriend and find a woman to love who also does not want children. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children, but it is extremely important for a couple to agree on this. Children require an enormous amount of time, patience, and most of all love.

For those of us who want children it is a very strong desire and a very powerful emotion. It is in our nature and biology. People who want children but can not have them sometimes spend their life savings just for the hope of becoming pregnant, or to adopt. It is an instinct for us, and it's not possible to turn it off. 

I believe that your girlfriend will always want children and will be very sad and hurt because loving you means that she can never have them. As such she needs to choose a mate who also wants children. In the worst of these situations, one partner will manipulate the other to have children, either by using guilt or sometimes by stopping birth control. It is not fair to bring a helpless child into the world when one parent does not want him (or her). That is not to say that you won't be a good father but chidren deserve parents who want them. 

If I have misunderstood, and you simply do not want children right now then you and your girlfriend must discuss when you will have them. Some people wait until they have saved some money. Others wait until they have finished their education. Others wait a period of time (two years, for example). It is important to agree on this, because she will expect you to be an honest man and keep your word. 

Either way you can not say "maybe" or "ask me again next year". She wants children and deserves a mate who agrees with her. She can choose to wait for you, but this must be her choice based on the truth.

Best of luck to you


----------



## shenox (Sep 12, 2012)

if you can afford it is ok to have a child at this age. But it is more better to wait at least 2 to 4 years. However if you don't want kids, tell her about it and try to get some solution.


----------

