# Is it time to quit fighting for love?



## shakeelah (May 20, 2013)

I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 22 it was a whirlwind relationship....we moved in together the day we met, got married five years later and have now been together for 32 years. In that time I have had to deal with years of mental and physical abuse after reporting him it has stayed pretty much to mental abuse, and he has started with my girls too.
I feel I love him still and would love nothing more to fix everything but counselling is not an option even when made to do counselling as a stipulation of the court it was made clear I was not permitted to talk about the abuse (Mental or physical) basically I was to go in acting as we are a loving couple not in need of counselling. 
I tried to explain to him how he has taken all the good things we had and discarded them, no spending time together, no kisses or hugs have only heard the words I love you 5 times in 32 years but have heard that he hates me almost on a daily basis. The final straw for him is when I took away the sex because that is what it had become to me there was no feelings or emotions no tender moments just self gratification for him and it was done.
No matter how I tried to get him to see that an emotional connection was imperative to me, he was fine with what we had. Is it time to quit fighting for his love??? I went from living with my mom and dad to living with him and realize that both that fact and his controlling ways is what has kept me here and although if I could have the same young man I fell in love with back I would stay another 32 years, is it time for me to realize that that person no longer exists. He states what he gives me is all he will ever give me and I know in my heart of hearts that is nowhere enough for me anymore.
My children have wanted me to leave him for years and both would be there to support me emotionally as neither have any affection for him. I am so afraid of taking the wrong step and loosing everything. 32 years is a lot to let go off even if I could force myself to be honest to myself and realize there were not many good times.


----------



## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

OP... I could have written most of your post, only I only lasted 11 yrs. Even though I've been through a lot in the last year, I can honestly say I'm much happier than I was. I was never able to get past the way he treated me, and I finally demanded better when I left. 

You know in your heart what the answer is... most usually do... It is just finding the courage to listen to your inner guide. 

Whatever you decide, I wish you happiness, safety, and love.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Yes, its time to stop fighting. The fact that your kids have wanted you to end this should be the loudest, clearest signal that you need to get out. You are not losing anything here, you have already lost 32 years of your life. Your husband sounds like a miserable person. Give yourself permission to pursue HAPPINESS for your NEXT 32 years.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Your story is my mothers. She married my dad when she was 17 and he was abusive and mean. He tortured her for 49 years until he died from alcohol and drug use. Used to beg her to leave but she never did. We no longer speak because I had to stay away from my dad and she chose to stay by his side. She lost everything for him. He eventually made her hate me too. Huge mess that could have been avoided.


----------



## mattsmom (Apr 2, 2013)

I am SO sorry for what you've been through. I don't know if I should call you strong or nuts for holding on this long. From a woman who was physically and emotionally abused in my first marriage, I can tell you without hesitation that you could have quit fighting the first time he put his hands on you, and been perfectly within your rights to do so. Save yourself, Hon. No one deserves to live like that.

Blessings,
Mattsmom


----------



## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

If your children tell you that its time to leave, that says enough. What are you waiting for?

You should be 49 or 50 years old now. You are still young. Don't waste the second half your life miserable.


----------



## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

I didn't realize that 3x and I said the same exact thing!


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Assuming the answer becomes clearer and turns out to be yes, do you know what the next steps you should take are?


----------

