# Are you always supportive in your spouses career changes?



## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

I am in a pickle. My husband and I moved in together and got married very young (17/20). I feel we both gave up a lot of dreams to make our little family possible. Who has time for school when you're working 2 jobs each to keep a roof over your head. Anyways we are much older now (37/40) and I've decided to work PT and go into nursing school. This has motivated him to take classes to get his GED so he too can find a better job. (His job is in computers and as things move to the "cloud" his job is becoming obsolete, no more viruses).

All of this is great and I've tried for years to get him to go to school (he would have made double the money at his job if he had the schooling/degrees to back up his work). My dilemma is the new "career" he wants to pursue. He wants to be a assistant coach for a college football team. (him and a million other football fans, right?) I don't even know how to approach this or what to say. He hasn't played himself since 1994 and has no coaching experience. He's just a fan. This is his dream, I don't want to crush it but come on! He's 40 yrs old with responsibilities. I'm only going after a 2 yr associates degree! He wants to what, get a teaching degree, hope he can get a FREE internship for 2 yrs and then hope they finally pay him after graduation?! It's crazy!! He's told our friends and I'm just so embarrassed. I can read their minds, they're are saying the right things but thinking exactly what I am. Anyways advice is appreciated, I've got to head to work so I'll check back tonight when I get home.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

could this scenario work itself out? He has to go to college for what degree to make this happen, sports management? That can be used for other things if coaching doesn't work out. same could be said for the teaching certification he will likely need to coach high school football.

You could convince him to double major in computer science or CMIS, so that he has a back up plan. You could sell it as it would look great on his resume, and something to do in the off season or the summer. He might find he likes those classes enough to change his major.

I think he will see eventually that the coaching job may not be within his reach, until then, I would support his current endeavor. Lots of people are motivated by opposition. A need to prove everyone wrong. Be careful that your disapproval doesn't motivate him further in a direction you feel would be not financially sound, or drive a wedge in between you two. You don't want to become the crusher of his dreams.

where is he on this journey? already has the GED and is working on the college courses?

Congrats on the nursing school!


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

Thanks you! I am nervous but excited! He has just started his GED classes.


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## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

Enterprise Information Systems is where it's at for us IT guys. I don't have a degree and I work quite comfortably in that field (you can get all your certs later). It does require certain skills like an understanding of business management and advanced problem solving skills. There are more positions than there are experts to fill them and that gap just continues to widen.

Your husband needs to understand that if he wants to get into the world of college sports, it is a highly political environment, his success in which will be determined by whether or not he finds the right @$$ to kiss more so than what kind of college experience he has.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Honestly, I think the dream of being a football coach as a full-time job is pretty unlikely and a little half-baked, especially since he hasn't played in twenty years. High school coaches aren't full-time coaches, they're teachers who coach on top of their teaching load--which is already pretty heavy. They do it because they love it--not because it pays them a lot of money. (At least, this is the way it worked at my high school, and the neighboring high schools where I grew up.) If he wants to go that route, I think that is GREAT and he should totally do it, but he should know what he's getting into. Teaching is really hard work.

Has he seen a career counselor, to see what kinds of careers he might be well-suited for? It seems like he hasn't put a lot of thought into this (whereas, you clearly have). This does put you into a rough spot--you don't want to squash his dreams, but how is he going to feel when they ultimately don't work out?

Maybe while he is working towards his GED, maybe he can volunteer as an assistant coach for a local high school team, and see what it's like. Talk to the coaches there... maybe hear some of their stories. I'm sure there will be some guys there who wanted to be full-time coaches, who may give him some much needed perspective. And it will give him some experience that he can put on his resume if he feels this is still something he wants to pursue. If he still wants to do it, he needs to understand how to climb the career ladder. He'll have to start with pee-wee or high school football, and if he's lucky, he might be able to work up to the college level. Talking to local coaches will give him a better idea of what his chosen career field offers in terms of options.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> Has he seen a career counselor, to see what kinds of careers he might be well-suited for? It seems like he hasn't put a lot of thought into this (whereas, you clearly have). This does put you into a rough spot--you don't want to squash his dreams, but how is he going to feel when they ultimately don't work out?


I love this idea, what if you just push him to see a career counselor? That way, someone else gets to be the dream squasher. It needs to be said, but if you have to be the heavy it's going to cause lots of conflict.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

If he's going for his GED, there is plenty of time for reality to seep in. Regardless of major, the 1st 2 years are very similar for most majors. After not being in school for such a long time, those first years will kick his but and wake him up from wasting that effort on a pie in the sky career. Let him get his GED and complete his first year of college. If he's still singing the same tune, then you can gently mention reality but until then, let him dream because it's just that dreaming. If he's wasting time not applying himself in school, then all bets are off.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

He might as well dream of being a rock star. My advise to you is to make and follow a real plan for your own career and arrange to be able to support the both of you. If he was capable of doing the same he wouldn't be 40 years old without even a HS diploma.


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

thebirdman said:


> Enterprise Information Systems is where it's at for us IT guys. I don't have a degree and I work quite comfortably in that field (you can get all your certs later). It does require certain skills like an understanding of business management and advanced problem solving skills. There are more positions than there are experts to fill them and that gap just continues to widen.
> 
> Your husband needs to understand that if he wants to get into the world of college sports, it is a highly political environment, his success in which will be determined by whether or not he finds the right @$$ to kiss more so than what kind of college experience he has.


Thanks for the suggestion I'll look into it. I think I'll stay out of it and gently offer alternatives. If he does even a little research or sees a career counselor he'll probably figure out on his own how impossible this is. If it was as easy as being a fan of football and getting a 4 yr degree I think every man out there would do this. The head coach of OSU makes 5.8 million a year. Obviously a job like that is hard to come by!

As for the comment about being 40 without a GED well he hasn't really needed it. He was friends with a guy who opened a computer repair shop and was trained to do everything they needed. He's actually very good at it. He's very underpaid however because the owner knows he lacks the degrees to go elsewhere. I think he's finally sick of it and ready to move on. He had to come to that point on his own. No amount of b*tching in the world would have made him go back to school before he was ready.

I'm sure deep down he knows this is a pipe dream. I just wish he's stop telling people about it! He might as well be saying he wants to be a rock star! ugh


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

Has he thought of getting certified in different IT fields. Look at IT Pro.TV/TWIT There's a code at the moment that reduces the fees by 30%. Usually it's $50 a month. He could do that now & be taking contract work to better support your family & your long term plans. He could get certified to be an IT project manager in no time. Being exposed to the potential of the industry could change his views. Mixing with contractors making hundreds of $$ an hour could do that!


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