# what i should i think or do?



## silent (Aug 10, 2010)

hi my name is silent im 30 and now i have 2 kids now.my problem is my 2nd husband.well we meet in 2003 at work we were both involved in a relationship me married,and him a baby on a way with another girl. not married yet to her, but we began to be friends,then 1 thing led to another. i left my 1st husband wasnt working out, was mamas boy. my now husband he supposbly didnt want his girl but then got married to her. then i left him alone, but he kept coming to bother me,he said he made a mistake marrying her,they were married only 2 months didnt live together. eventually he divorced her,we started to live together.i got pregnant,he had his baby from other girl,then i noticed when he got divorced from that girl, he started acting more,serious,not so happy. later ive got him with #s with no names i called, all girls. ive surpeised him with a girl in her car giving him a ride. all that was when we were not married but then married i got him with scratches on his back, 1 time, hairs in the cars, and recently i heard a girl in the backround when i crank called him. he denies and said that was his guy friend acting like one, i said what type of friend is that. one time me and him went to eat got back in the car, one guy friend calls and ask him if i was around,my husband said yes he says never mind, what does that leave me thinking u know! since we dated and he started messing up i dont trust him.we dont trust each other,he dont like nobody complimenting me he will roll his eyes. we r going to church and getting help right now trying to change leave all the past behind. does anybody think that he might change after 9 years? he tells me he wants to better and for kidz, he grew up differently then i did, he has alot of resentment to his father. my mom and stepdad did not like him when they meet him,but now they say he changed, but needs a little more. i know theres no one perfect. he never goes out with friends always work to home,and when we do its family.im not perfect my self i started cheating on him 1 time when he started acting up,and those scratches came into the pic, then stopped. i found out 2 months ago,he was missing hrs in his paystub, when he said he was working, tiz happened last year. i con fronted him, he was ? acting fool. well i tell him i have gut feeling hes seeing someone else i feel he might do the same thing to me cause of how we meet,that karma rit, he tells me its not the same, and he was dumb marrying her. we live together, i told him still wheres the commitment, respect it wasnt rit in my part neither, but i asked his ex if she wanted him i would let them live happy,she didnt want him. he tellz me he gets irritated mad when i accuse him if i havent seen him with a female, thats why we fight and i cant let him change for better. when i dont tell him anything hes cool. he told me a couple months back that why do i want to work, he said so i could meet another guy! i havent worked since 6 years, i notice like if i start to work he gets nervous cause i will be independent again like when we meet! i am going to work again i need to! what do u think about tis drama in my life?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm having trouble reading your post, but here goes.....It sounds to me like Karma at work here or the old saying "what goes around, comes around". And there's another great piece of wisdom I've heard many Southern women teach their daughters. It goes something like this. If he is seeing you while he is married to someone else (or as you put it "involved"), then you can expect him to do the same to *you* when you are married to him. In other words this guy doesn't take commitment very seriously. Church is a great place for both of you to be. I hope it helps.


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## Wisp (Jul 17, 2010)

The start of your relationship was based on you breaking the trust with your previous husband. It is very rare that affair partners survive a marriage together. 

Your now husband and you married on a fantasy of love, today he is doing what he does best and is playing the field and you are now the victim of his affairs. You cannot trust him, you cannot change him as you were once a willing participant.

You either have to live with the deceit knowing that is will continue though your marriage or you can change your life for yourself and your baby.

I see only one way forward, you need to leave him permanently, build a life for yourself and create a set of values that you want your baby to have.

There is no easy answer , you can always continue the hurt and lies, eventually no good will come of it all and there will be some serious pain for all.


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