# Thought I found a wonderful man



## hockey_mom (Oct 23, 2008)

I have been dating a guy for 2 months,he has been great and wonderful to my daughter.I thought he was Mr Right and maybe he still is.I woke up to him saying to me do you want to F###@.
I was so hurt and I made the mistake of not telling him that really bothered me he drove me home and gave me a kiss and said I will talk to you later.
I have written him an email telling him that it hurt I have not heard anything back.I am at a loss for words I am 42 yrs old and I have never had a man talk to me that way.
Is this a man thing?what should I do?


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

Take a moment to understand the circumstances....was he just feeling you out to see if you like dirty talk? Was he just in the mood for good sex?
Why did it hurt you? Was there more to the situtation. Men do tend to wake up a little horney (then then we also tend to be that way most of the day to).


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## hockey_mom (Oct 23, 2008)

It hurt because I feel used I don't feel this is a relationship at all.I know guys get horney but it would of been nice if he asked if I liked that kind of talk.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

You said you woke up to hear him ask that. So...were you (both) in bed??? 

IOW, he didn't ask you out in the living room...but in the privacy of the bedroom? 

Why do you feel used, and not in a relationship?? 

You've never used dirty talk in private? Would you have prefered "Do you want sexual intercourse now"? That's not very sexy (to me).

Maybe you should have made clear in the beginning that you don't like vulgar talk in private (not to mention in public).

My GF can be quite raunchy in the bedroom, but you'd never hear any of that in public. And I try to respect that, but she also knows that I'm my own person, too.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

hockey_mom said:


> It hurt because I feel used I don't feel this is a relationship at all.I know guys get horney but it would of been nice if he asked if I liked that kind of talk.


I dont think you are being too sensitive. You want a man that views the intimacy you share as more then just F#$%ing. That is so crude. I hope you dont take his rude manner as a reflection of yourself. Just realize he is taking you for granted, doesnt have a healthy appreciation for the emotional vulnerability of sex, and move on.


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## hockey_mom (Oct 23, 2008)

I would have preferred him to have said let's make love or said nothing at all and just got in the moment.It might have been different if we were in the heat of the moment but we wer'nt


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

Dirty talk in the heat of passion if ok in my opinion. My wife and I have said things like that before. If I were to say it before it got steamy I would have rec'd a black eye!!! It does not make him a bad guy or not "wonderful". He obviously hsas different tastes.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

hockey mom...

haven't there been times when you really wanted to "f^&#k" and didn't feel much like "making love???" just wondering...


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## stumped (May 16, 2008)

If you were already in "bed" together and it was the morning I am assuming things had already happened and you two have already slept together. I personally wouldnt have taken offense to it. If you didnt like it you should have told him.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

If the language and attitude hurt your feelings simply let him know. He needs to know your boundaries. You too need to understand his. People react and need different things from sex. You obviously desire the emotional connection and feeling of love. He needs to understand that. If he cares for you he will honor your wants. Sometime we men can be pretty dense. What might have been acceptable to you in throws of passion does not necessarily make a good introduction to sexual intimacy. Be honest with him and don’t feel used unless he doesn’t respect your wishes.


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## hockey_mom (Oct 23, 2008)

voivod said:


> hockey mom...
> 
> haven't there been times when you really wanted to "f^&#k" and didn't feel much like "making love???" just wondering...


No I don't like to F&*% I like to make love and feel the emotion.I could go out and get that anywhere.I truely care for this man and it bothered me.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

hockey_mom said:


> No I don't like to F&*% I like to make love and feel the emotion.I could go out and get that anywhere.I truely care for this man and it bothered me.


Making love after 2 months? Maybe your expectations are a bit high. I don't mean to be hurtful, but it has only been two months. I would be careful of my expectations right now.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

StrongEnough said:


> Making love after 2 months? Maybe your expectations are a bit high. I don't mean to be hurtful, but it has only been two months. I would be careful of my expectations right now.


:iagree:


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## lostluv (May 12, 2008)

I have to agree with several of the other responses on here. IMO there are three different versions of intercourse and all have different purpose and conotations. For me all three are equally useful and satisfying (yes, each with the same partner) depending on the mood and situation. My advice to you would be to examine closely what your thoughts, opinions, and feelings are reguarding this and then ask him to do the same. Once you have both had opportunity to do this you need to sit down and communicate these with each other so you both have a clear understanding of where everything stands. If you are intimate enough to be having intercourse then you are intimate enough to have this kind of discussion (IMO).


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## hockey_mom (Oct 23, 2008)

I received an email from him apologising for the comment and that he did'nt want to be disrespectful to me.He said he enjoys spending time with me and it is not all about sex,he just wants to take things slow as he has been hurt and hurt others when the relationship has been rushed.
I feel a whole lot better now.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

hockey_mom said:


> I received an email from him apologising for the comment and that he did'nt want to be disrespectful to me.He said he enjoys spending time with me and it is not all about sex,he just wants to take things slow as he has been hurt and hurt others when the relationship has been rushed.
> I feel a whole lot better now.


Good to hear, maybe now is a time to set up good communications with him and provide acceptable boundries.

draconis


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Move forward with caution for both your sakes. If he wants to keep things at a slow pace he has he reasons. Be sure you communicate to him what works for you and doesn’t in the sex department. It sounds as if you have some definite wants in that area, make sure he understands them. Good luck in this relationship.


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## hockey_mom (Oct 23, 2008)

I am getting worried again,I have not heard from him since he wrote the email he did say he enjoyed spending time with me and it was'nt just about sex.Should I call him or wait seeings he was the one who said he wants to move slow.I am just so confused I feel we are going backwards.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Give it a few days.

draconis


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## Godiva (Nov 7, 2008)

Hi Hockey Mom, 

At the risk of sounding like a...loose type of woman, I have to admit that when I first read about his advance, I was thinking to myself, "Wow that is hot!"

Then again, I'm a morning person, and I love it when a man is forward and blunt. I find it refreshing. And I personally love yes or no questions in regards to my sexual mood rather than a long drawn-out courting ritual. 

If he has been treating you well all along and this was his first faux pas in your eyes, then I would see it as totally forgivable. Here is a fact: most men are their dumbest in the morning. Something you may want to accept and get used to. Expect a sonnet in the evening after their testosterone-level has waned a bit. 

May I make a friendly suggestion to learn to be more certain of yourself? If you were offended by his abrupt question, that's totally understandable! If a man said something similarly fresh to me at a time when I wasn't in the mood, I probably would not have been so polite as you. 

That said, it should not involve such hand-wringing and anxiety. If I may, you and woman in general, myself included, should learn to trust our own insticts. The fact that you are second-guessing your actions and his reaction tells me that you aren't so sure. 

You know what would be fun? I would love to see you take what this man said, 

"wanna ****?" 

and turn it right back around and say, "no, but care to make me some coffee?"


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