# Should I Try to Get My Ex-Girlfriend Back? (VERY LONG)



## kevinman (Oct 26, 2011)

Please bare with me...About 7 months ago I started talking with a woman I met on Match.com. Not wanting to rush into things, we very slowly started dating...but at the same time spoke to each other every single night, talking on the phone 2, 3, and even 4 hours a night. We really hit it off and found an instant chemistry, fast becoming good friends and never running out of things to talk about.

The only tough part was that we lived an hour apart, both at far ends of a metropolitan area of a large city. This did allow us to keep things slow; yet if things were to become super serious, it would be an inconvenience, albeit a minor one.

Over the next 2-3 months, we really bonded and had a solid relationship. We both fell in love with each other, and like a lot of relationships at the beginning, everything was really amazing. Yet at the same time, we tried to use our heads and have a really strong friendship at the core.

But as we got closer, we had some communication hiccups. (Yep! The "honeymoon phase" was wearing down) At four months in, we had an odd spat here and there. But what I thought were petty things in the arguments, she took a bit more personal than me. We always made up and recognized that we needed to work on communication.

Then she had a very close friend (like a brother to her) who was dying of cancer in her home state. She took a couple of trips to see him in his last days and when his funeral was held. I wanted to be there for her, but because of work and my own kids, I couldn't go with her.

At the same time, I had some really bad lapses in judgment and started a few gargantuan fights with her that coincided with her trips to see her dying friend. There were legitimate reasons I had for these arguments, but the way I handled these were way out of line, selfish and the timing was totally off. I was a jerk about it. It hurt my girlfriend. She was devastated because of me and the death of her friend. I sincerely apologized and told her I would work on not being so impulsive.

Over the next two weeks, she was slowly starting to warm back up to me, until finally we were as close and as loving as before (or so I thought).

Early this month she and I had separate trips/vacations (these were planned months in advance and neither of us could go together because of our own scheduling conflicts, work, kids, etc.). We left on a good note, and we still texted and called each other every day very lovingly. I was in the middle of my trip, and after a long day, we talked on the phone at night and she picked a fight for no reason. I tried to speak calmly to her but unfortunately had to simply hang up the phone on her.

Tension was heavy in the air. I knew that things weren't right. The next day she confessed that she was still very upset about my argument when her friend had died. She then left on her trip to visit another friend, texted and called me every day that she loved me, missed me and things seemed relatively pleasant. Then 3 days before the end of her trip, she started to say that she was having phone issues, the phone battery was dying because of her use of GPS (even though it was constantly charging), she had no signal, etc., but promised me 2-3 days in a row she would call me "tomorrow" but I never got a call. I only found out these little bits of info from my girlfriend from a smattering of text messages she sent, or from her friend she had visited (apparently my girlfriend had little trouble calling and talking to her). I kept trying to call my gf, but it would go straight to VM.

Finally the day my gf was six hours away I was able to get a hold of her on the phone. I had gotten laid off from work that day and wanted to tell her the news. Her phone calling and texting resumed to normal but was largely devoid of sweet talk and I love yous.

A day later, she came to my house to stay overnight. I tried to be sweet, loving, accommodating and wanted to provide a relaxing environment. We went out to dinner, had a fun, light conversation, and she was very affectionate, holding hands, etc. We came back to my place, and she picked a fight over a petty thing, and in her classic style, totally blew up something ridiculous out of context and took things way too personally. An hour later, she apologized, we went into the bedroom and talked out a few things (including her hurt from our arguments when her friend w/cancer died) and made love.

The next morning we went out to brunch (separately, in our two cars) and an another argument erupted. We but left the restaurant without saying goodbye to one another. It felt like things were dying in my heart. The past month seemed like our relationship completely unraveled and there was nothing that could have been done.

She and I sent a few texts and calls to each other and we agreed that we needed a few days to really think about things. 3 days later, I surprised her at lunch, gave her a rose and a "let's stick together" card and told her I wanted to work out things. She was incredibly distant and said she didn't know if she wanted a relationship now and wanted time. I left, feeling heartbroken.

This past Saturday, I got a tip from one of my single friends that my girlfriend was suddenly active on Match.com. I reactivated my account to see, and it showed her as being active in the past 24 hours (with only means that she could have opened an e-mail sent from Match). I knew it was over.

The next day, we met for lunch, had a long conversation. The Match.com issue, she said, was only because she had previously signed up for a year-long membership before we met never got around to cancelling the account or stopping the e-mails from coming (she was never technologically proficient). After a lot was brought out on the table, we broke up. The way we did it was mutual, with neither of us really "dumping" the other (but I was still hurt). I told her that I did not want any contact and that a clean break was necessary. At the end, we went out to her car, and hugged, cried, kissed, said "I love you forever" and "I'll miss you" to each other for an hour, and finally parted ways.

I was devastated and utterly heartbroken, for I loved her more than life itself. Even though I really wanted to reconcile and work out things, I thought the odds of that were very slim. Knowing that "No Contact" was the best route to go for healing, I tried to move on. I did not expect to hear from her for a long, long time, if at ever.

Just last night (two days after the break up) she texted me, telling me she felt hurt. Did not respond, so a half hour later she called. She said she saw me on Match with my re-activated account and felt sick to her stomach. I stuck to my guns, acted calm and cool and didn't cave in to asking her to get back together, yet at the same time I spoke in a warm, friendly manner. After some small talk, I tried to shrewdly put out a couple of "feeler" questions. Eventually, she said something in the middle of conversation like, "you know, when we're 50, and neither of us are with someone else, maybe we can get back together". We ended the call with her telling me "I love you sweetie" and I replied, "I love you baby".

OKAY...sorry for the long post...my question is should I attempt at some point to win her back? Or should I move on and try to heal? Should I continue the NC and hope that she eventually contacts me again? Should I at some point initiate contact again and suggest we have lunch or dinner?

She still has feelings for me, but a lot of what she's said and done indicates that thought that the relationship was beyond repair, and was wishing me luck with future dates and girlfriends. Maybe she needs time or healing. I don't know. Obviously, we would have a lot to work on if we did reconcile.


----------



## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

I think for now you need to move on and do everything in your power to improve yourself. You will get nowhere chasing after someone who doesn't want to be with you right now. Maybe view it as a seven month relationship that didn't work out and learn from the mistakes that you made.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

You don't need to be with someone who's putting her feelers out for other things. She's playing the field, and trying to keep you around just in case nothing better comes along. Sorry for being blunt.


----------



## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Agreed with Candie Girl. I just went through something similar myself. Were the both of you recently out of a prior relationship just before you met, perhaps? It could have been that you were her rebound. 

I'm keeping with no contact and moving on myself. It hurts, but I value myself more than to stick around waiting on someone who doesn't want to be with me.


----------



## kevinman (Oct 26, 2011)

Thanks for your input. Were these rebound relationships? Her previous one was her marriage of 16 years, and and mine was a yo-yo, on-again off-again mess that lasted for four months.

I see the arguments while her friend was dying as either a turning point in her attitude, AND when things started to unravel.


----------

