# Return of a storm



## lovehome (Jan 7, 2012)

25 years ago my wife floored me with the news she had been having an affair with a co worker after his wife caught them. I didnt see this coming. I was crushed. My life seemed it was over. I started talking with someone who has at the same time going through divorce. Then we had an affair. We would ask what are we going to with our lives. This person was my wifes sister. This came out and my wife and myself seeked help through my company assistance program. I told her I was sorry but it would never would have happened if she had been faithful. I was never going to do to that to her. For 25 years everything seemed ok. Then it hit me again like it was the first time I found out. I never really got help before because it seemed like we focused only on my affair. I never really got to ask question about her affair. I want to know more about how it started. What are fair questions to ask?


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## Dellia (Jan 6, 2012)

You have a right to know whether it was 25 days ago or 25 years ago. Tell her you feel you want AND need to know what brought it on, had she planned it, how long did it last, was she in love , etc...sometimes we feel a bit silly asking detailed questions when we have every right to do so. Don't feel silly. If she wants to know why the questions, tell her the pain has resurfaced and you need to make sense of why it happened and allow yourself to sort it all out.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

Dellia said:


> You have a right to know whether it was 25 days ago or 25 years ago. Tell her you feel you want AND need to know what brought it on, had she planned it, how long did it last, was she in love , etc...sometimes we feel a bit silly asking detailed questions when we have every right to do so. Don't feel silly. If she wants to know why the questions, tell her the pain has resurfaced and you need to make sense of why it happened and allow yourself to sort it all out.


After that long she will probably not remember too many spacifics. He needs to prepare himself for that.


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## Dellia (Jan 6, 2012)

oaksthorne said:


> After that long she will probably not remember too many spacifics. He needs to prepare himself for that.


You might be right. Hopefully she can't forget what drove her to it though.


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