# Was I right or wrong?



## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

One thing I've always tried to do is follow the advice a friend once gave me and not mess with the sex in a relationship. You know turning it off and on like a tap or not making the effort when the guy does.

Anywho I mentioned in another thread that a few days ago I did something special for hubby sexually, and posting it on here got me thinking about other aspects of our sex life.

Hubby works into the early morning maybe every two weeks. So for quite a while now we've got into a routine that I'll give him oral sex when he gets in.He's usually quite tightly wound and I like doing it for him, he'd prefer regular sex but typically after just waking up I'm not in the mood.

So last night I was thinking about something in part provoked by posting on here. In that he never asks me to do it I always just do it unprompted.

So last night I decided that I wanted him to ask me before I'd do it. So after he got into bed we chatted and snogged a little when he was obviously hard it was usually the point where I'd do my thing.

So rather than be coy about it I flat out told him that I wanted him to ask me to do it. He replied that If I didn't want to he didn't expect to, So I said how would he know if he didn't ask me.

I asked if he was embarressed he said no but then I asked if I should be embarressed by doing it. When we first me he had some negative attitudes to oral sex.

He wasn't really rising to my bait but nor was he going to ask me to do it. He said he enjoyed and appreciated me doing it but that he'd prefer we make love normally and that it wasn't something that he was comfortable asking me to do. I tried to tell him that I'd say no if I didn't feel like it but asking was no harm.

We've had this conversation before about him being reluctant to ask me to do stuff and me somehow needing to psychic, he took it on board I think but just said that this wasn't normal sex it was a routine we had going.

Anywho being a completely soft touch, not wanting to go to bed on bad sorts and since I'd pretty much woken up, I slid over and we had normal sex, cuddled for a while and then went to bed.

He came home for lunch this afternoon with flowers, he knows I like to have sex during the day and we do on occassion. He'd not fond of having sex outside of the bedroom but he knows I love it so he surprised me he stopped on the stairs. So he did make a special effort but as for asking me to do stuff for him I don't think he's going to budge.

So am I just being a silly moo, should I respect his boundaries or do I have a point.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

well, personally, i dont know that that was the best way to approach the subject. making him ask you for sexual favors, when you know thats what he likes, seems kind of off to me. but it was right to the point, so i dunno. there are probably other things that you are actually trying to play the mind-reader game, which would have been better to address. basically, im not really sure. id be interested in what others think.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

You are playing a on a tight rope, but you're obviously circus trained  I think you should keep going, but be prepared to fall back to the role of initiator when needed.

My belief is that although some good things came out of PC and feminism, there were a few hostages to fortune, and the body count is high.

One of the things that some men have lost in the wake of this is the ability to be sexually aggressive, because that is seen as the male forcing himself on the female.

I think that if you just keep reassuring him that you _want _him to take charge, and not only that but even that you _need _him to be sexually aggressive, the message might finally get through.

However, if you give up initiating as much before he starts picking up the baton - which is the route a lot of women take in your situation - your sex life will dwindle.

All IMvHO naturally


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> You are playing a on a tight rope, but you're obviously circus trained  I think you should keep going, but be prepared to fall back to the role of initiator when needed.
> 
> My belief is that although some good things came out of PC and feminism, there were a few hostages to fortune, and the body count is high.
> 
> ...


My issue wasn't with him not initiating sex, like I mentioned in my post he does do that and its quite good when he does. He doesn't actually consider a blowjob all by itself to be sex and I actually don't either.

I just want him to acknowledge verbally that he wants me to do it and that on most occassions I'm happy to do it. I want him to realise that I'm doing it for his pleasure not mine.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Forgive me, I should have re-read you other posts before replying


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

sarah.rslp said:


> I just want him to acknowledge verbally that he wants me to do it and that on most occassions I'm happy to do it. I want him to realize that I'm doing it for his pleasure not mine.


So have you guys sat down and talked about this? Is it that you want him to appreciate you more?


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

sarah.rslp said:


> My issue wasn't with him not initiating sex, like I mentioned in my post he does do that and its quite good when he does. He doesn't actually consider a blowjob all by itself to be sex and I actually don't either.
> 
> I just want him to acknowledge verbally that he wants me to do it and that on most occassions I'm happy to do it. I want him to realise that I'm doing it for his pleasure not mine.


It seems to me like you were kind of playing a head game with him there...

You would be better off just simply asking

"Do you like it when I do that to you?"

He responds with a "Yes" I would assume...

Then just say: "You know, if you want me to do it, all you have to do is ask"

And then leave it at that... plain and simple. Don't say anything for a while. You could still initiate it if you want, and then just re-assure him now and again that all he has to do is ask. No ultimatums, no games, just simple statements.


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

Hubby's been working long hours again, He came home yesterday afternoon for dinner but had to go back again afterwards and work through most of the night.

So anyway after dinner he's sitting there all uncomfortable looking and when I ask him whats wrong, he just says he doesn't know how to phrase a request for oral sex.

So I ask him why he's so certain I'm not up for a normal shag, and he just points out that I'm wearing my granny knickers and I'm blatantly not in the mood.

You see this is the thing, I'm usually pretty good at reading him and it wouldn't have occured to me that he'd even want sex (or I'd have done it without him asking) cause we'd shagged that morning. So I told him this and he admitted yeah I was right (of course).

I was going to continue messing with him but he had a lot on his plate and its not my place to add to it. one of the best things about him is even when he's under massive pressure his mood never changes and he never gets snappy or frustrated.

I do mess with him in another way though, cause I did it kneeling down in front of him, he has issues with the whole blowjob image you know women kneeling and all that (he doesn't even like the word blowjob) so after a while we finish and he heads back to work.

Anywho I ring him up while he's in the car, and start teasing him saying he doesn't realise how good I am at oral sex cause he never had oral sex before he met me, and he's completly horrified and goes on about how I'm on speaker phone and there could have been someone else in the car, which was silly unless he'd found a hitch hiker.

So I play the whole barely restrained nympho for a while, which at least takes his mind of work for a little while. I'm sure once he's done it once he'll be able to get into the habit of doing it.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

sarah.rslp-

Nice story. It amazes me how many timid men there are out there. Do you think you're "winning"?


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> sarah.rslp-
> 
> Nice story. It amazes me how many timid men there are out there. Do you think you're "winning"?


He's not timid he just has certain attitudes about sex that he formed over the years. 

By winning do you mean in the sense of 'winning' an arguement? If so I don't really think of it in that sense.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

sarah.rslp said:


> By winning do you mean in the sense of 'winning' an arguement? If so I don't really think of it in that sense.


No, of course not. I meant winning in the sense of getting him to open up, for the mutual benefit of both of you


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