# Husband is not trying at all



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

About a month or so ago my (separated) husband came to see me and said he wanted to work on our marriage and he would move home in a few weeks. Said he didn't want our marriage to be over.

I had initiated NC a few weeks before this.

To date he has not really done anything to "work" on things. A few joint MC sessions where not a lot has progressed, and visits to the house with very little interaction with me. We've gone out to lunch/dinner a few times and had a good time. On a personal level, literally zero intimate communication with me. The walls are still firmly up.

Because he has not been sharing anything, yesterday I asked him how things were going with him and he said he wanted to do IC instead of joint MC. I then asked him when he was going to move home. He said not anytime soon. He then went on to tell me (yet again) that he has not done anything wrong and everything that has happened is my fault. He seems to be proud of that fact that he left me.

All these years he has not done anything to make our marriage better. Instead he found himself a bunch of girlfriends and had EA's with them, telling them all our intimate marriage problems and the same old - its all her fault dialogue.

In MC if I get upset I get rediculed by him afterwards for getting "all-cry-ey". I am trying so hard, opening up and sharing feelings with him and I get nothing in return. No effort, no communication, no affection, no real committment. He also stated yesterday he had not even decided if he wanted to divorce or stay together.

This all [email protected]@es me off because I had done the NC and 180, started to move on and detach from him, and when he came back to talk about working on our marriage, I believed him and said ok. I opened up my heart to this process again when I was just getting to a place of peace and hope in my own life.

I am just about at the end of my coping capabilities. I can't take this horrible rollercoaster much longer. I'm just about out of energy... please help!


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Sorry your going through this BBT. Keep your head up and know it will get better. Maybe its time to detach again if hes not doing nothing to help


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Was this all because of cheating? I do not know your backstory.

Maybe his OW is hot and cold so he gets that way with you...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

One person alone can't make a marriage. The fact he boasts and feels proud of what he's done, won't commit to moving back and just told you he doesn't want MC anymore says it all.

File for divorce and be done. You deserve so much better than the crumbs he flicks at you and expects you to eat up hungrily.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

He had ES's with other women. I don't know the status of the OW because he won't talk to me about it. He has offered no explanation, no assurances, no apologies.

He doesn't tell me anything. Nada. I don't know how he's feeling, what he's been thinking. There is no communication.

When someone comes to you and says they want to work on your marriage, I expected some committments as to: moving back home, 'fessing up, laying everything on the table and really talking about it. None of this has happened. I also want to hear him tell me he still loves me. Nada to that too. I continue to get the cold shoulder and blame.

I do feel like he is flicking crumbs at me and it totally sucks. It's not fair on me. I'm near done with it. Im just so confused as to why he even bothered telling me he wanted to work on stuff... if he had no intention of doing so.


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