# What should I have said?



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

We're on the phone. Months since we've made love. Long history of friction leading to (mostly me) finding it too hard to leap back into regular sex...... we both desperately want to make it work. That's the background. A week ago I decided to write a sexy letter which interestingly morphed into a sexy letter with a 'but' at the end explaining some reasons why our sex life isn't like the erotic picture I painted. He'd emailed let's talk about it when he's home. I emailed fine, any chance you feel like explaining any of your thoughts before you're here. (meant by email). 
so.. we're on the phone. Finish mundane stuff. He says 'so you wanted to talk about sex'. I totally clam up but don't want to sound a total idiot & end up with us agreeing we won't talk about it on the phone, we'll leave it till he's here. 
Duh? What should I have said?


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Should of said yes and tried to participate.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

maybe you just dont like talking on the phone. it sounds like you wanted him to reply via email. maybe you can ask him to write you instead?


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Carefulthoughts said:


> Should of said yes and tried to participate.


Yeah, the nanosecond the moment had passed I was pondering.... but unless I can be guaranteed he's realised how difficult I find it (he should know this, but knowing something and acting on it are two different things, as we all know & demonstrate all the time) I'm reluctant to start a conversation when I'm not even sure exactly what either of us wants to achieve by it. Point being yes we both want to be back having regular loving sex. We know that. He might occasionally suggest I don't but I think he'd admit he knows I do. How we achieve that when our 'out of bed' life is still seemingly fraught so much of the time, I fail to understand. 
Hence the reluctance on the phone. I've explained the 'why would you start having sex with someone you've been arguing with less than an hour ago' conversation many times, all so far to no avail.....
But I guess the phone call would have been a start........ so 'yes I do' ? Or what? Naive I know but..?


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## del88 (Mar 24, 2010)

It almost sounds like you're not totally ready for an intimate relationship with this person, if you are having issues talking about sex over the phone. If you're not ready, and this person really cares about you, then I would hope that he would be patient enough and support you.


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