# Separated but living together still.



## Roisin (Sep 2, 2012)

I have been married for 19 years. We have 3 daughters, aged 18, 14 & 11.

I have suffered on and off with depression for 18 years.
It started off as PND, but the way my husband has treated me over the years hasn't helped my illness. He is one of these people who has an answer for everything, and even if I'm right, and he's wrong, he makes me feel like I'm wrong, or wrong for being right.

He had a heart attack earlier this year, and I was at his bedside all through his hospital stay, and operation. But when it come to supporting me through my illness, that's another story. I have wanted to leave work, so I can go the doctor's, and possibly counselling and hospital appointments. My husband just says, if I go on sick with depression, or stress, no employer will touch me with a barge pole, and to just get on with it.

He has become less involved with the girls since his heart attack, so much that my eldest refuses to speak to him, and he refuses to speak to her. He says he wants nothing to do with her, and as she's still at college, refuses to pay towards her, so this falls to me. I don't think he will ever make up with her, because he hasn't spoke to his own sister for over 20 years.

Our youngest has behaviour problems. She can start shouting and screaming and throwing things over the slightest thing, and can be a right handful at times. because of his heart, he can no longer deal with her. 

One evening, my youngest was having one of her tantrums, I couldn't deal with it, and ended up breaking down. I shut myself in my room, and couldn't stop crying. I wanted to be on my own. When my husband came home, he was like "Oh is she in one of her moods again", and slept on the settee. My daughter had broken the door, and I couldn't get out the room. He left me in there all night. The next morning, he had to break the door down, so I could go to work. Everything was ALL my fault!!!!

Ever since that day, he has slept on the settee. He doesn't speak to me, or my eldest. He doesn't have much to do with the youngest. He only speaks to my middle daughter, and she is so unhappy at being piggy in the middle. She tells me what he says, but I don't let on to him, or the other kids.

Yesterday, he went to look at a flat. He has told my middle daughter that he wants to get as far away as possible, and is asking for a transfer at work, to a branch in Belfast. (We live in England). He wants her to go with him.

At the moment, he pays all the bills, but I have to pay for the food each week, and the kids expenses - clothes, lunch money, bus fares etc. He will not give me any money for the kids. His money now gets paid into his own bank account, and he only puts money in the joint account for the direct debits. 

I hate the atmosphere at home, and I wish he would just go. While he is still at home, I have to manage on my wage. I presume I would not get any benefits, as we are still classed as being together.

My mum says I need to talk to him, but with my depression getting worse and worse, I couldn't stand having to listen to him telling me everything is all my fault.

We own our house, but I don't know if I could afford to keep it. Can't see him paying any maintainance, especially if he's living in another country.


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