# Disagreement about cats



## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We have a 3 year old and 3 month old twins. We just moved, and I absolutely love our new house. There is a small problem though. We have 3 cats and a small dog. Two of the cats are very old (about 16 years old) and my husband has had them since before we met. My husband and I got the other cat about 2 or 3 years after we got married (he was a stray and we took him in). And as for the dog, I got him from my husband’s aunt the year that we got married. I have always loved animals. Keep in mind, when we got all of our animals, we hadn’t had any children yet, so I had plenty of time and energy to care for them. 

I feel like cats especially require a lot of work. Dealing with litter boxes, constantly vacuuming up hair, brushing them daily, etc. I honestly didn’t know if I would ever even have kids. It took me 3 years to get pregnant with my first son. So, I didn’t mind caring for the animals because I pretty much thought of them as being my kids. However, now that I actually have small kids of my own, it’s hard enough caring for twin babies and a toddler. Adding four animals into the mix just makes things ever more exhausting. Since I had my first baby, I feel like the animals have become more of a source of stress to me than a source of enjoyment. I feel like the work never ends. If I’m not making bottles, changing diapers, etc., I’m vacuuming up cat hair, or cleaning up “accidents”. 

The house that we previously lived in is actually my dads rental property, and he told us that there was no rush as far as getting all of our stuff moved out. So, we still have some of our things over there that need to be moved, and our animals are still there as well. My husband has been getting up early before work every now kng to go over there to feed them, change the litter and let the dog out. Not having the animals in the house this past week has made me realize that things are much easier and the house is much cleaner without them. 

Our other house smelled liked cats. The last thing I want is for our new house to smell like that. This house is clean, smells good, honestly I didn’t know if we would ever even live in a house as nice as this one. My parents helped me out with a significant down payment to buy this place so they are also nervous about the animals messing it up. I’ve expressed to my husband that the animals (the cats specifically) are stressing me out and that I think they’d be happier in a more fitting home. Like maybe someone that doesn’t have a toddler and 2 babies to look after. Someone that can give them the attention and care that they deserve. He doesn’t want to let the cats go, especially the older ones because he’s had them for so long, but I honestly think they’d be happier with someone else. They might only live a couple more years so why not make those last years as enjoyable as possible for them? My dog isn’t nearly as much of a problem for me as the cats. He goes outside to use the bathroom, no dealing with litter or constantly brushing him/ vacuuming up hair. I’m the one that cares for the animals and the kids while my husband is at work so I really don’t know if he knows how much work it actually is. One of his cats has also pee’d in the livingroom of our old house, and I would lose it if she did anything like that in the new house. The smell of cat pee is very hard to get rid of. 

He tried to come up with another solution by saying that we can just keep the cats in the garage. We would have to keep the garage door closed because he had the older two declawed so they would be defenseless if another animal tried to attack them. He said we could keep their litter box and everything in the garage and then I don’t have to worry about them getting the inside of the house dirty. Initially, I thought this might work but there will still probably be issues. Like, I’ll have to be extra careful when backing my vehicle out so I don’t run over them. There’s also the chance they could run out when the garage door opens and I’ll have to get out of my vehicle and put them back inside. This could get annoying and time consuming if they did this often. Plus, I just don’t really see the point in having pets if you’re going to have minimal interaction with them and keep them cooped up in the garage. If they had a choice, don’t you think they’d rather be able to come inside and be around people? 

When I try talking to my husband about it, he just gets agitated and defensive. He hasn’t flat out refused to rehome them but obviously Im not going to do it if I feel like he’s going to resent me for it. Any advice on how I can get him to discuss this with me in a reasonable, calm manner? Any opinions/advice at all? Thanks.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

september_sky said:


> My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We have a 3 year old and 3 month old twins. We just moved, and I absolutely love our new house. There is a small problem though. We have 3 cats and a small dog. Two of the cats are very old (about 16 years old) and my husband has had them since before we met. My husband and I got the other cat about 2 or 3 years after we got married (he was a stray and we took him in). And as for the dog, I got him from my husband’s aunt the year that we got married. I have always loved animals. Keep in mind, when we got all of our animals, we hadn’t had any children yet, so I had plenty of time and energy to care for them.
> 
> I feel like cats especially require a lot of work. Dealing with litter boxes, constantly vacuuming up hair, brushing them daily, etc. I honestly didn’t know if I would ever even have kids. It took me 3 years to get pregnant with my first son. So, I didn’t mind caring for the animals because I pretty much thought of them as being my kids. However, now that I actually have small kids of my own, it’s hard enough caring for twin babies and a toddler. Adding four animals into the mix just makes things ever more exhausting. Since I had my first baby, I feel like the animals have become more of a source of stress to me than a source of enjoyment. I feel like the work never ends. If I’m not making bottles, changing diapers, etc., I’m vacuuming up cat hair, or cleaning up “accidents”.
> 
> ...


You brush your cats? On a daily basis no less? I've never even heard of that being done.

Well, I don't think the cats would be happier somewhere else. I think _you _would be happier if they were somewhere else, and you're projecting.

We once took in a stray, and he peed on our carpet. I just nuked the spot with half a gallon of cleaner. Worst case, replace the carpet.

The cats are a part of the family - or at least, part of your husband's family. So I don't think it would be wise to push the issue. Yeah, they may pee on some stuff, but it's just that - stuff. It can be replaced. Your husband's bond to the cats can't be. So unless you're talking about an intact male spraying everywhere, then I don't see it as being a huge problem. Accidents are hardly an often occurrence - at least with our cats.


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## azimuth (May 15, 2018)

Before we had our baby we had a dog and two special needs cats (blind). The dog was my stbx’s before we met. Before our daughter was born I took care of them 100%. Sometimes he’d join me on the dog walk but mostly it was just me doing that too. After my daughter was born I realized how much work it was so believe me I understand how frustrating that is to take care of them and also a baby.

But all of that said, I think you should bring the animals to your new home. It’s stressful on your life and marriage to have to keep them in a different house. They’re probably sad and wondering where you are. The older cats don’t have much time left and your husband has a bond with them. As long as they’re not a danger to the children then I think you should just accept them. Rehoming old cats is really sad. I’m afraid it would cause a lot of grief in the long run if you did.

Maybe you could make a vow with your husband to not get any more pets after these, and you can look forward to that.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I feel for you... we have 5 cats and a dog and the cats have destroyed the house... carpets and settees shred to pieces, two of the cats wee everywhere... total nightmare. They are my wife's. She grew up with lots of cats and she adores them. Personally, I would have liked to live in a clean, smell-free house, but hey-ho... we can't get rid of them and the youngest is about 3... don't mind the dog, though... :smile2:


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

My wife and have fortunately always shared the sentiment that pets would never take precedence over humans in any way.

Dogs...cats...horses...we've seen far too many marriages where one or both partners put mor emphasis on the animals than on each other.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> My wife and have fortunately always shared the sentiment that pets would never take precedence over humans in any way.
> 
> Dogs...cats...horses...we've seen far too many marriages where one or both partners put mor emphasis on the animals than on each other.


 This is healthy. This is normal. I love my dog so much it's almost ridiculous, but my dog is not as important as my husband. My dog is not as important as my children or stepson. If something happened and I had to choose between the dog and the humans in my life, the dog would find a new home. I understand a love for pets, but we have gotten completely ridiculous. A baby is more important than an animal. It just is. I understand the OP completely.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

This post is going to be harsh and it's meant to be.

I guess you two have no problem continually taking advantage of your parents. Sounds as though you damaged their rental property with your animals and it now reeks like cats which is going to require a good amount of work and money to clean up and or replace the flooring. Instead of charging you two (as your parents SHOULD have) for the *damage* you've caused in their rental - and continue to cause - your over-indulgent parents foolishly threw MORE money your way in the form of a down payment for your new house. :banghead:

Why does your husband think it's YOUR job to take care of *HIS* cats? It's obvious he apparently thinks everyone owes him something in this world (especially your parents) so his **** attitude really isn't a surprise. But how much longer are you going to *take advantage* of your parents by treating their rental property like it's an animal hospice and litter box for your animals? 

I just want you to* SEE *how selfish you and your husband are being. *Self entitled, selfish, and self-absorbed*.

Those animals aren't your parent's burden to bear and they're not old furniture you can just toss away the minute they're no longer convenient to have around. They're a lifelong *commitment* you and your husband CHOSE to take on, and when you chose to be with your husband, you agreed he was a package deal. Period.

I'm not one of those rabid animal rights activists, but you see this crap all the time - ruthless, heartless, selfish people dumping their senior pets at animal shelters because they've become a burden to care for and are no longer fun to have around. These poor helpless creatures are frightened to death and heartbroken at having been pulled from the only homes and people they've ever known and the sad truth is, most people aren't looking to adopt senior animals with medical issues so these poor creatures eventually die in a cage, unloved and unwanted. So as far as thinking you can just "re-home" them, unless you actually *KNOW* someone whose just itching to take on all your elderly cats and is sitting by their phone just waiting for your call, then the chances of them being re-homed and 'being happier with someone else' are just about zero.

Your husband came up with a workable solution about keeping them in the garage and it never even occurred to you that you can keep your car *outside* the garage and then you wouldn't be dealing with worrying about "running them over." Too bad if it's inconvenient for you. Too bad. Is it the perfect solution? Hell no, especially if you live in a cold climate and you're forcing them to live in 10 degree weather 24/7 in the winter time. And unless your garage is heated and you can keep it at 70 degrees year round, keeping them freezing in the garage November through March is just cruel.

The ONLY thing you should be discussing with Mr. Self Entitled is that he needs an attitude readjustment and needs to get up off his dead ass if he wants this new situation to work, and that means *HE'S *going to be the one caring for them going forward, not you. Just because you're home with a bunch of kids every day doesn't mean he can dump his animal responsibilities on you. You're not his damned scullery maid. His cats aren't the problem, his *lazy ass* is your problem.


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## Oceania (Jul 12, 2018)

Look it sounds like hubby's cats (and yours as well I might add) are well along in years and they may very well be on their last lap around the block. He obviously cares for them so why not pay it forward and find a way to support him. He won't forget it.

I'm sure he'd be more than willing to take on the responsibility of caring for the animals. Maybe if you can afford it have someone do the household cleaning once a week even if it's just for 2 hours. What about a dog walker in the neighbourhood? Cat hair on the furniture? Well fatten them up so they'll be too heavy to climb the curtains and jump up on furniture. Long haired animals? Give them a number 1 haircut if the climate's warm enough. Animals peeing everywhere? Well put them outside in a nice grassy fenced off area. LOL...

Bit of a ramble. All I'm saying is that this is one issue on TAM that can be worked out without too much trouble can't it? It won't be forever.

Well here's hoping... fingers crossed.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> This post is going to be harsh and it's meant to be.
> 
> I guess you two have no problem continually taking advantage of your parents. Sounds as though you damaged their rental property with your animals and it now reeks like cats which is going to require a good amount of work and money to clean up and or replace the flooring. Instead of charging you two (as your parents SHOULD have) for the *damage* you've caused in their rental - and continue to cause - your over-indulgent parents foolishly threw MORE money your way in the form of a down payment for your new house. :banghead:
> 
> ...



Your responses and technique are always as one delivering tough love. Par excellence.

I agree with most of what you say. Not the way you say it.

I love cats and dogs. I took most of the responsibility for their care.
Not the kids nor the hosts wife. 
It was NOT me who brought them into the house, however.

I hope your words and responses are for show, that you are a kinder person in real life.

Just a thought,


SCM-


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> This post is going to be harsh and it's meant to be.
> 
> I guess you two have no problem continually taking advantage of your parents. Sounds as though you damaged their rental property with your animals and it now reeks like cats which is going to require a good amount of work and money to clean up and or replace the flooring. Instead of charging you two (as your parents SHOULD have) for the *damage* you've caused in their rental - and continue to cause - your over-indulgent parents foolishly threw MORE money your way in the form of a down payment for your new house. <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/banghead.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Banghead" ></a>
> 
> ...


I guess I should have made it clear that my parent’s rental house smelled like cat pee even before we moved in it. It actually smelled even worse when we first moved in than it does now. The woman that my dad was renting it to before us had cats and she apparently let them use the bathroom wherever they wanted. My dad said he would sometimes go over there and she didn’t want to let him come inside. That was the first red flag. After she moved out, the neighbors at the rental property even told my dad that she would sometimes go out of town for days/weeks at a time and leave the cats there alone to crap and pee everywhere. So, no, my husband and I did not destroy my parent’s rental property. The house is in no worse shape now than it was when we moved into it. 

Secondly, as far as them helping with a down payment, that was my inheritance from them. They told me that they would rather see me and the kids enjoy it now rather than to wait until after they are gone. I hope you never accept an inheritance from your parents, otherwise you are just an entitled, lazy, self absorbed moocher. Sounds a bit ridiculous doesn’t it? You should probably ask for further information so that you know the whole story before making such rude and judgmental comments. 

And lastly, my husband works 50+ hours a week, and up until a couple years ago, he used to work more like 70-80 hours a week. So he is far from what I would call “lazy”. It is true that I take care of the babies and the pets the majority of the time but I don’t think it’s because he is lazy, I think it’s because after working the hours that he does, he doesn’t have the time or energy for much of anything else. Which is why I told him that I think the pets would be better off somewhere else. Neither him or I have the time or energy anymore to give them the attention they deserve. And when I talk about “rehoming” them I’m not saying dump them off at a shelter where they’ll be put down after a week if no one takes them. I’m talking about contacting a no kill shelter which will allow us to keep them until we find someone that will adopt them. I’ve used this particular no kill shelter before when a stray cat arrived at my house years ago. I contacted them, they put the cats pictures and info on their website and I kept the cat until it was adopted. I was basically a foster parent to the cat until it had a permanent home. Within a day or two of putting the cat’s picture on the website, I got several emails from people who were interested and the cat was adopted very shortly after. 

I actually had thought about not using the garage to park my vehicle in. I mentioned this idea to my husband and while back and he said he thought it would be a bad idea now that we finally have a garage to not use it to park in. But if he wants to keep the cats, giving up the garage for them might be a sacrifice that he has to make. They make outdoor cat houses with heating pads in them to keep them warm in the winter, so I don’t think that would be an issue either. I believe that we could make it work for them in the garage, and I’d much rather them be there than to risk them messing up the inside of our new house, BUT my only point is, why hang on to them if they aren’t going to be like part of the family? Why not give them to someone who doesn’t mind to take them inside of their home? I’m sure if the cats had a choice they’d rather be inside around people than to be isolated. I’m not going to rehome the cats if I can’t get him to come to an agreement with me about it. I can deal with keeping them in the garage if that’s what it comes down to. I just don’t see the point when I think there are better options for them. That’s all.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I hate cats.......

My new wife had 3. When she came to live with me, her previous house smelled like cats. Her furniture was scratched and in bad shape because of cats. They did their business in a bathroom in a litter box and it constantly smelled like cat urine. Fur on washed clothes. Fur on this. Fur on that. They even RAN OVER ME while I was watching tv, scratching me. They jumped on cabinets and helped themselves to people food if it was left out immediately if not guarded. 

When she moved to our home, the cats became outside cats. My wife was understanding and although she really liked her cats, she showed me that MY FEELINGS COUNTED, TOO...

They stayed outside... They climbed all over our cars with dirty paws. I got a slab of concrete poured on my shop--- they walked all in the concrete wet so that I had to lock them up. I was constantly being plagued by those damn cats. 

We no longer have the cats. I don't have to worry about cats tracking dirt all over my car or truck. I don't have to worry about feeding them, whether they peed on the porch or climbed on the roof of my convertible. 

I am GLAD THEY ARE GONE. 

He is attached to his cats? Let him make the cats HIS problem. Would I ever let the cats in the new house? NOPE. If you do, they will never leave. When one dies, it will get replaced. 

I don't have any advice on how to get another person who places more value on a damn cat than he does your feelings, cleanliness, and the requirement for you to have to take care of them.
But know if they move in, then you're screwed.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Paging @john117


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Cats are a lot of work if you don't do it right early on. 

We (DD1) have a 20+ pounder Maine ****. Never an accident in 3 plus years. Litter box cleaned twice a day. DD and fiance-to-be built an IKEA hack litter box cabinet, use an expensive HEPA filter, and live in all hardwood floors. Vacuum daily.

No cat smell - cat gets baths monthly. Her place looks straight out of architectural digest. The only issue is with fur, and daily brushing and the air filter help there.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Angie's list didn't bring back any scullery maids in a search. Anyone know where I can find one?


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

I love cats, and dislike dogs. I would only own short haired cats, because I don't have time for brushing my own hair, let alone a pet's. I keep the two litter boxes (1 per cat) in the unfinished basement and scoop once between weekly dump/refill on trash day.

My house(s) have never smelled of cats. The cats use the boxes, or outside, but I have never had a healthy cat piss in the house in 20+ years of adult cat ownership. I have been in plenty of houses that smelled of cat pee, and it's disgusting. If your husband's cats are old and incontinent, it might be time to put them down. I've been there -- with a baby.

Locking them in the garage is a stupid idea. That would just make the garage unusable and trouble to get in and out of. Lonely miserable old cats meowing day and night. Stupid. Maybe lock the twins in there instead?

They are your husband's long term pets, and he should be changing the litter and cleaning the house if they are long haired or heavy shedders. I typically work 60 hrs a week plus 3 hr drive time (round trip) and I do all the litter box work. Tell him to change his cat's litter and vacuum his cat's hair off the furniture. That's his job, not your's.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

You're spending wayyy too much time on cats. I have had our cat since he was 8 weeks old, he is now 17. He has a self filling water and food bowl, and I change his litter box once a week. We use the wood pellet litter that just turns to sawdust and drys up, no smell either. And in the 17 years we have had him he has never had an accident. He does however love trashing furniture to the point we have most of our furniture covered with throws. 

But He does yowl all day long for no reason in the past year or two, probably has to do with him being deaf. On bad days I do consider putting in our back yard with the friendly neighborhood coyote.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Our older cat is 15 and she started howling all the time a bout a year back, too. Wife looked it up and it's common in old cats. Some researches think it's some type of cat Alzheimers.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

september_sky said:


> … BUT my only point is, why hang on to them if they aren’t going to be like part of the family? Why not give them to someone who doesn’t mind to take them inside of their home? I’m sure if the cats had a choice they’d rather be inside around people than to be isolated. I’m not going to rehome the cats if I can’t get him to come to an agreement with me about it. I can deal with keeping them in the garage if that’s what it comes down to. I just don’t see the point when I think there are better options for them. That’s all.


Well, to begin with these cats likely have dementia. It's referred to as cognitive disassociation or some other crap by animal behaviorists. Here's the thing: These cats are bonded to you. It's not the same as love in the human sense of the word, but I assure you these cats have scent marked you.

When cats have to be separated from their owners permanently they become very stressed. You are their family, even if they appear to be losing their ability to do what they should do - like using the litter box.

Don't isolate them in the garage. Don't dump them where they would be in a strange environment with strange people. I want you to keep in mind that although they don't feel as we humans do, they DO feel. They form attachments. Cats are creatures of habit, and even though your cats are going downhill, they have an established turf and place they feel safe.

While I realize you don't need to equate your cats to family members who get Alzheimer's or another form of dementia, please realize these are relatively helpless creatures. Have they worn out their welcome? Probably. Has their messy behavior become distressing? No doubt. But they aren't doing it intentionally. Those poor old cats rely on you for some sense of continuity in their old age.

My suggestion is you find a cat shelter that is STRICTLY no kill. We have two in my city. Both take in geriatric (senior) cats and have full-time staff and volunteers who work to bond with cats that can no longer live with their families.

I don't know where you live. You certainly don't have to reveal that on this forum. But I can tell you I live in a mid-size city - no metropolis - and we have two wonderful places that will take in cats like yours.

If I can offer you further assistance, please don't hesitate to PM me. I'd be glad to help you find a home that is better for your cats than a garage.

P.S. - I'm going offline for awhile to make dinner. Please do not hesitate to contact me. I am very willing to help you in any way I can to see your cats are placed in a safe, loving place.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

@john117 - You do know, don't you, that I absolutely LOVE it when you post photos of Mies? He is a gorgeous cat and a wonderful example of the magnificent Maine **** breed!


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> september_sky said:
> 
> 
> > … BUT my only point is, why hang on to them if they aren’t going to be like part of the family? Why not give them to someone who doesn’t mind to take them inside of their home? I’m sure if the cats had a choice they’d rather be inside around people than to be isolated. I’m not going to rehome the cats if I can’t get him to come to an agreement with me about it. I can deal with keeping them in the garage if that’s what it comes down to. I just don’t see the point when I think there are better options for them. That’s all.
> ...


Thank you. I really don’t want to isolate them in the garage. I don’t think it would be ideal for them, and it would also pretty much make our garage unusable. I’d probably end up not using the garage to park because I’d be too worried about running over them. 

There is a no kill shelter near me. They are the ones that I’m planning on contacting. I want to be clear that I think animals are a lifelong commitment and I think people shouldn’t own them unless they have every intention to care for them for a very long time. I understand they are not disposable and do not deserve to be dumped off the second someone gets tired of dealing with them. When I first got with my husband, I knew he had two cats and I had no issue with that. I loved cats and dogs. There was no one that loved animals more than me. I had every intention of keeping the animals that we have until they died. They were like my kids. Before I had kids of my own, I didn’t mind cleaning up after the animals because I had plenty of time and energy to do it. As I said, I didn’t know if I would ever even be able to have kids, and I definitely never imagined that I would have twins too. Sometimes things happen that you don’t plan on, and it changes things. Ever since I had my first son 3 years ago, it has been very difficult to juggle taking care of a kid, a house, and animals. Yet, I’ve continued to do it because I knew that my husband wouldn’t want to place them in another home. But now that I have a 3 year old and twin babies, I’m at my breaking point. It’s just too much. I feel like I could be a better wife and mother if I wasn’t stressed out to the max and pushed to my limits. And I don’t think it’s fair to the animals to hang onto them when someone else could give them more love and attention than we are able to give. If the roles were reversed and my husband was the one taking care of pets, kids and household chores all day, I would respect his wishes if he said it was becoming too much for him to deal with. He doesn’t have to be happy about it, I just need him to at least understand where I’m coming from and respect my feelings.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Prodigal said:


> @john117 - You do know, don't you, that I absolutely LOVE it when you post photos of Mies? He is a gorgeous cat and a wonderful example of the magnificent Maine **** breed!


Most of the time he is a good cat. But occasionally he needs his space.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

OP, if the house already been urinated in it by the previous cats, then your cats are just marking their territory where other cats have marked. Once a cat begins to urinate inside the house, on smells already there, it is next to impossible to get rid of it. You would have to rip up the carpet, paint a couple of coats of KILZ on every spot, and then put in new flooring to get rid of old smells.

We moved into a rental that we didn't realize had already been marked by the owner's cat. I was upset when I smelled the old urine and called the owner right away because I didn't want my cats urinating anywhere but their kitty litter. We just don't live that way.

We had the owner come in and clean the carpet with enzymes, and paint a wood floor with KILZ where the cat had gone. Our cats never urinated in those areas,in the 3 years we lived there, because they couldn't smell the previous cats.

If your home is not a barn, but is your home, then the pets are guests. If they begin to destroy the home, you get to decide if you want them there anymore.

You can't reason with an animal, and if you've done everything possible (keep the kitty litter clean, make sure the cats don't have a bladder infection which can cause then to urinate in the wrong places, and removed all urine scents from previous cats) then you have no recourse but to get the cats out of your home. If you don't believe they will be happy anywhere else, and you can't take them to a shelter to be adopted by someone else, then you can have them humanely euthanized.

Your cats have lived a good life, inside your home. Much better than they would have lived if they had been strays. You don't have to feel guilty for euthanizing them now that they aren't being good guests. They aren't humans, they are animals.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

@september_sky, I sympathize with your situation. Of course your children take priority of your time and energy. And it sounds like the cats have become incapable of realizing their litter box is where they should go. I have a senior cat. However, since I have no children and my husband died several years ago, I can expend a great deal of time to assure my cat gets the extra attention he needs so I don't have to deal with more than an "accident" about once a month. Still, it becomes tiresome to listen to my cat meow incessantly at times for no reason. So I can understand that you have had enough with the cat situation.

A no kill shelter may be your best option. However, are there any sanctuaries in your area? The reason I ask is because a no kill shelter is a place where animals are placed in cages. The older animals often don't get much in the way of attention or affection. After all, there are many kittens and puppies vying for the attention of potential owners.

Please consider finding out if there are any sanctuaries in your area. They offer open spaces in which cats can acclimate. Keep in mind that dogs are pack animals. Cats, although they from packs (called "clowders"), are far more territorial when it comes to needing space. And a cage in a no kill shelter is not enough space and frequently stresses a cat.

No, you are not being inhumane or cruel. But I am addressing this as someone who is active in animal sanctuaries - and not just for cats. I have also worked with those who rescue and rehabilitate injured birds.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

@john117 - It appears that Mies was having a "moment" or perhaps he was just feeling a need to defend his food dish ...:grin2:


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

I own two cats and my fiancé who is NOT a cat lover understands that they are here to stay. No one is separating my cats from me. They came first and so did the OP's husband's cats. You married into the family. No trade backs. No bait and switch.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

I’m not sure if there are any sanctuaries but I’ve contacted an animal rescue center before when a stray cat showed up at my door several years ago. What they told me was that they could find a foster family for the cat until it got adopted, or that I could foster the cat if I wanted to and that they would provide me with supplies for the cat (food, litter box, etc.) This was when we were living in our old house and this was before I had the twins so I wasn’t as busy. So I decided to foster the cat. Before taking it into my home, they gave the cats any vaccines that it needed and also a dewormer. They also took pictures of the cat and put them on their website. Within a day of the pictures going up, I had several people contact me saying they were interested in the cat, and the cat ended up being adopted by someone shortly after. So, I’m thinking maybe we can do something like that with our cats. We could keep them and basically be their foster parents until they got adopted. My parents have said they don’t mind keeping the cats at the rental house until we find another home for them. My dad said he was planning on doing some work to the house before renting it again so it was going to be a while before he rented it out anyway. Or, we could ask the animal rescue to find a foster family to take them into their home until they get adopted. 

All I want from my husband is for him to say that he understands where I’m coming from and to be ok with me doing what I need to do. I just feel like I can’t talk to him. There’s never a right time to talk. He doesn’t want to talk about it on the phone when he’s at work, and he doesn’t want to talk about it after work. He just got home from work a couple hours ago and I tried to talk to him about it again. I just wanted to have a short, calm discussion and for him to give me his ok. He’s mad because originally, I said the cats were getting to be too much to deal with and that I thought everyone would be better off if they were in a different home. That’s when he tried to come up with a compromise and say that they can just stay in the garage. I reluctantly agreed, because I figured it would be easier to deal with them being in the garage than in the main part of the house. 

Well, after I thought about it some more, I realized that the garage thing wasnt a good idea. I told him I’m still not going to be totally happy because I’ll have to be worried that I’m going to run over them every time I come in and out of the garage, plus they could run out of the garage when the door opens and then I’m going to have to get out of my vehicle and put them back in, which is going to get old after a while, especially if I’m in a hurry. Not to mention, I just don’t see how they’d be happy in the garage, isolated from the rest of the house. The only other option would be to just give the cats the garage and for me not to use it, and I don’t want to do that either. We finally have a house that has a garage and I’d like to be able to use it. 

When I brought all of this up to him tonight, he claimed that I was just “making up scenarios” that haven’t happened or some nonsense like that. I guess he wants to wait until a cat gets ran over and maybe then it will be a problem. Until then, it’s just some hypothetical problem that I’m making up in my head. We didn’t talk about it for very long tonight, maybe 10 minutes. And then he shut down and said “don’t get me worked up right before bed”. I don’t know what I said to get him worked up. I was being as calm as I could be and all I wanted was for him to tell me that he respects my wants and needs, and that he’s not going to hate me for rehoming the cats. He said he’s upset that I had agreed to the garage thing and then a day later I changed my mind. He said that I “flip flopped” and that he just needed time to think about it. But it might take weeks or months to find the cats a home so I feel like I need to get started. It’s just so frustrating. When I’m the one taking care of his kids and his animals and the house all day and I tell him that it’s getting to be too much, I wish he would just say ok and put me first for once instead of trying to make “compromises”. Some things I can compromise on, but some things are just too much to deal with. Honestly it’s been too much to deal with ever since my first kid was born 3 years ago, but I’ve been doing it anyway. Now that I have the twins too, I just can’t do it. What can I say to get him to talk to me about this rationally and calmly?


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

I’m not sure if there are any sanctuaries but I’ve contacted an animal rescue center before when a stray cat showed up at my door several years ago. What they told me was that they could find a foster family for the cat until it got adopted, or that I could foster the cat if I wanted to and that they would provide me with supplies for the cat (food, litter box, etc.) This was when we were living in our old house and this was before I had the twins so I wasn’t as busy. So I decided to foster the cat. Before taking it into my home, they gave the cats any vaccines that it needed and also a dewormer. They also took pictures of the cat and put them on their website. Within a day of the pictures going up, I had several people contact me saying they were interested in the cat, and the cat ended up being adopted by someone shortly after. So, I’m thinking maybe we can do something like that with our cats. We could keep them and basically be their foster parents until they got adopted. My parents have said they don’t mind keeping the cats at the rental house until we find another home for them. My dad said he was planning on doing some work to the house before renting it again so it was going to be a while before he rented it out anyway. Or, we could ask the animal rescue to find a foster family to take them into their home until they get adopted. 

All I want from my husband is for him to say that he understands where I’m coming from and to be ok with me doing what I need to do. I just feel like I can’t talk to him. There’s never a right time to talk. He doesn’t want to talk about it on the phone when he’s at work, and he doesn’t want to talk about it after work. He just got home from work a couple hours ago and I tried to talk to him about it again. I just wanted to have a short, calm discussion and for him to give me his ok. He’s mad because originally, I said the cats were getting to be too much to deal with and that I thought everyone would be better off if they were in a different home. That’s when he tried to come up with a compromise and say that they can just stay in the garage. I reluctantly agreed, because I figured it would be easier to deal with them being in the garage than in the main part of the house. 

Well, after I thought about it some more, I realized that the garage thing wasnt a good idea. I told him I’m still not going to be totally happy because I’ll have to be worried that I’m going to run over them every time I come in and out of the garage, plus they could run out of the garage when the door opens and then I’m going to have to get out of my vehicle and put them back in, which is going to get old after a while, especially if I’m in a hurry. Not to mention, I just don’t see how they’d be happy in the garage, isolated from the rest of the house. The only other option would be to just give the cats the garage and for me not to use it, and I don’t want to do that either. We finally have a house that has a garage and I’d like to be able to use it. 

When I brought all of this up to him tonight, he claimed that I was just “making up scenarios” that haven’t happened or some nonsense like that. I guess he wants to wait until a cat gets ran over and maybe then it will be a problem. Until then, it’s just some hypothetical problem that I’m making up in my head. We didn’t talk about it for very long tonight, maybe 10 minutes. And then he shut down and said “don’t get me worked up right before bed”. I don’t know what I said to get him worked up. I was being as calm as I could be and all I wanted was for him to tell me that he respects my wants and needs, and that he’s not going to hate me for rehoming the cats. He said he’s upset that I had agreed to the garage thing and then a day later I changed my mind. He said that I “flip flopped” and that he just needed time to think about it. But it might take weeks or months to find the cats a home so I feel like I need to get started. It’s just so frustrating. When I’m the one taking care of his kids and his animals and the house all day and I tell him that it’s getting to be too much, I wish he would just say ok and put me first for once instead of trying to make “compromises”. Some things I can compromise on, but some things are just too much to deal with. Honestly it’s been too much to deal with ever since my first kid was born 3 years ago, but I’ve been doing it anyway. Now that I have the twins too, I just can’t do it. What can I say to get him to talk to me about this rationally and calmly?


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

I understand where you’re coming from but does your fiancé have a 3 yr old and twin infants? And is he/she the one who takes care of the kids and the animals all day everyday while you’re at work? When I met my husband I had every intention of keeping the animals until they died. But when you add children into the mix, it changes things. I didn’t know if I would ever even be able to have kids, let alone twins. It’s hard enough taking care of babies/toddlers without dealing with litter boxes, cat fur, vacuuming constantly, cleaning up cat pee and hair balls that they’ve coughed up. Between the babies and the animals, I hardly ever get a break. I didnt plan on ever rehoming the cats, but sometimes unexpected things happen, and you have to do what you need to do in order to keep your sanity and to be happy.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

I really feel for you. I have no solution, just wanted to offer my support for your position. I'm also kind of OCD about pet odors which is the reason I don't own any in spite of really really really wanting a dog. I have 3 kids two of which are toddlers 10 months apart so I know that would be way too much to deal with.

On the other hand your husband seem to be in an emotional dilemma himself. Practically and humanely speaking your feelings should take precedence. I'm just glad you're not feeling guilty about your position on this because that would be unnecessary stress on top of everything else.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> @september_sky, I sympathize with your situation. Of course your children take priority of your time and energy. And it sounds like the cats have become incapable of realizing their litter box is where they should go. I have a senior cat. However, since I have no children and my husband died several years ago, I can expend a great deal of time to assure my cat gets the extra attention he needs so I don't have to deal with more than an "accident" about once a month. Still, it becomes tiresome to listen to my cat meow incessantly at times for no reason. So I can understand that you have had enough with the cat situation.
> 
> A no kill shelter may be your best option. However, are there any sanctuaries in your area? The reason I ask is because a no kill shelter is a place where animals are placed in cages. The older animals often don't get much in the way of attention or affection. After all, there are many kittens and puppies vying for the attention of potential owners.
> 
> ...


I replied to you earlier but I don’t see my response so I guese it didn’t go through. Anyway I don’t know if we have a sanctuary here but there is a no kill animal rescue here that contacted a few years ago when a stray cat showed up at my house. They said they could find a foster home for the cat until it got adopted or I could foster the cat if I wanted to. This was before I had the twins so I had more time on my hands, and it was before we moved into the new house, so i decided to foster it. The rescue provided me with cat food, a litter box, etc. and they also gave the cat her vaccinations and a dewormer before bringing her into my house. They put her pictures up on their website and within a day or two, people were contacting me about her. She was adopted within a few days of me taking her into my home. So I’m thinking we could do something like that with our cats. We could either foster them until we find someone to adopt them or we could ask the animal rescue to help find someone to foster them until they get adopted. My parents have said they don’t mind letting the cats stay at the rental house until we find them a home. My dad said he’s going to do some work to the house so it’ll be a while until he rents it out anyway.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

thefam said:


> I really feel for you. I have no solution, just wanted to offer my support for your position. I'm also kind of OCD about pet odors which is the reason I don't own any in spite of really really really wanting a dog. I have 3 kids two of which are toddlers 10 months apart so I know that would be way too much to deal with.
> 
> On the other hand your husband seem to be in an emotional dilemma himself. Practically and humanely speaking your feelings should take precedence. I'm just glad you're not feeling guilty about your position on this because that would be unnecessary stress on top of everything else.


Thank you for your support. I feel like some people won’t be able to relate to how I’m feeling unless they themselves know what it’s like to care for young children/babies, plus 4 animals while their husband works 50+ hours a day. Honestly it was too much even after my first kid was born 3 years ago, but I’ve been doing it anyway. But now that I have the twins too, I just can’t do it anymore. Something has to give, and obviously my kids are going to come before any cat or dog. I actually did feel a little guilty when we talked about it last night because he was saying things like “so you get to keep YOUR dog that you’ve had since he was a puppy but I can’t keep MY cats that I’ve had since they were kittens”. I believe he was trying to make me feel guilty when he said this, and it kind of worked temporarily but after thinking about it, I don’t think I should have to feel that way. He wants to call them “his” cats but they’re not just his cats when I’m the one that’s been taking care of them 99% of the time ever since we got together. I even told him that if rehoming my dog would make him feel better about rehoming the cats, I’d be willing to do that too. I just feel like my dog is a lot easier to deal with because at least he uses the bathroom outside, no litter to deal with, he’s short haired so I don’t have to do NEARLY as much vacuuming. But, I’m not able to give him very much attention anymore either now that I have the babies so I wouldn’t be opposed to finding him another home if that’s what my husband wanted to do. He doesn’t want to rehome the dog either though. He just said that to make me feel bad. I’m getting really frustrated with him and I don’t appreciate him trying to make me feel that way. And it’s nearly impossible to talk to him about to without him blowing up about it. If the roles were reversed and he was the one taking care of my kids and my animals all day (even if I had the animals since before I met him) if he told me that it was too much to deal with and he wasn’t happy, I wouldn’t try to guilt trip him or get angry with him because he wanted to find the animals a more suitable home. I just wish he would do the same for me.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

september_sky said:


> All I want from my husband is for him to say that he understands where I’m coming from and to be ok with me doing what I need to do. I just feel like I can’t talk to him. There’s never a right time to talk. He doesn’t want to talk about it on the phone when he’s at work, and he doesn’t want to talk about it after work. He just got home from work a couple hours ago and I tried to talk to him about it again. I just wanted to have a short, calm discussion and for him to give me his ok. He’s mad because originally, I said the cats were getting to be too much to deal with and that I thought everyone would be better off if they were in a different home. That’s when he tried to come up with a compromise and say that they can just stay in the garage. I reluctantly agreed, because I figured it would be easier to deal with them being in the garage than in the main part of the house.


I hope you see that the problem is about a whole lot more than where to place the cats. So two of the cats were your husband's before you two married. He doesn't take care of them; that is left to you. His "solution" was to dump them in the garage. How long did he have to consider that as an option - five seconds or less?



September_sky said:


> When I brought all of this up to him tonight, he claimed that I was just “making up scenarios” ... We didn’t talk about it for very long tonight, maybe 10 minutes. And then he shut down and said “don’t get me worked up right before bed”. ... all *I wanted was for him to tell me that he respects my wants and needs*, and that he’s not going to hate me for rehoming the cats. He said he’s upset that I had agreed to the garage thing and then a day later I changed my mind. He said that I “flip flopped” and that he just needed time to think about it. ...* I wish he would just say ok and put me first for once* instead of trying to make “compromises”.
> 
> What can I say to get him to talk to me about this rationally and calmly?


As I said, this issue is about a whole helluva lot more than two old cats. So let's try first things first. GOOGLE "cat sanctuaries" in your area, say within a 50 mile radius. Okay? That's easy to do. It also will give you a more humane solution to where to place the cats. Trust me on this.

So what's up with your husband? Because I'm getting the feeling he doesn't respect your opinions and/or wishes on a number of thigs.

Also, he sounds a bit self-absorbed and selfish. Look, the cats are HIS. He may not see them as a priority or at the top of his to-do list, but he brought them into his home and his life. They aren't something to be discarded because they have become old and infirm. 

You are basically saying he doesn't respect you and he doesn't put you first. So what's really going on here?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I posted a response that is not showing up in your thread.

I don't feel like typing it again at the moment. 

First things first: Google "cat sanctuaries" within 50 miles of where you live.

I'll reply more fully later. However, I'm not holding my breath that this post will appear with yet another "technical difficulty" here.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm not one of those rabid animal rights activists, but you see this crap all the time - ruthless, heartless, selfish people dumping their senior pets at animal shelters because they've become a burden to care for and are no longer fun to have around. These poor helpless creatures are frightened to death and heartbroken at having been pulled from the only homes and people they've ever known and the sad truth is, most people aren't looking to adopt senior animals with medical issues so these poor creatures eventually die in a cage, unloved and unwanted. So as far as thinking you can just "re-home" them, unless you actually *KNOW* someone whose just itching to take on all your elderly cats and is sitting by their phone just waiting for your call, then the chances of them being re-homed and 'being happier with someone else' are just about zero.


Bless you! If one takes in a pet it is a commitment for LIFE IMO. These are not disposable creatures because well...they pee. 

Perhaps the kids need to look out because...well... they pee also. Plus like to use crayon on nicely painted walls. :grin2:


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

OP, I am not sure where all this "dumping pets like trash" nonsense is coming from...or this tongue in cheek implication that you will get rid of your kids. 

Bottom line, most sane people understand that their HUMAN CHILDREN take precedence over pets. Yeah....they do.

Like I said above, I love my dog so much it's almost crazy. But she is not more important than my children or my stepson or my husband. Because that is healthy.

Nowhere have you intimated that you just want to "dump off the old pets" like you don't care.

Ridiculous.

I do like the idea of looking for a cat sanctuary. But at the end of the day, you do what is best for your 3 young children, and do not feel one ounce of guilt for being a MOTHER.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> OP, I am not sure where all this "dumping pets like trash" nonsense is coming from...or this tongue in cheek implication that you will get rid of your kids.
> 
> Bottom line, most sane people understand that their HUMAN CHILDREN take precedence over pets. Yeah....they do.
> 
> ...


So you really think others are serious concerning kid dumping?

At the end of the day a pet is a commitment. Shoving off ones now "problem pet" to someone else because it can be done without much recourse is irresponsible. Specifically when the commitment to the pet was made.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Yeswecan said:


> *So you really think others are serious concerning kid dumping?*
> 
> At the end of the day a pet is a commitment. Shoving off ones now "problem pet" to someone else because it can be done without much recourse is irresponsible. Specifically when the commitment to the pet was made.


Honestly....it would depend on the person. There are quite a few people out there who have already made it clear that human life rates way below animals already. So you just never know.

Ideally, they could all live in harmony. But if something HAS to give, then sanity and logic dictate that it not be the kids.

And anyone who would divorce over this probably needed to just marry their animal in the first place 

Now I am going to finish working so I can go home and get a million puppy kisses and play with my baby.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

OP, your husband is not being empathetic at all of your situation. He is not dealing with the reality of the situation or his own feelings either. Keeping the cats in the garage, so they will eventually be run over by the car, or run out of the garage when the door goes up, is not a good situation. If they get run over, whose fault will it be? His for putting them there? or yours for running them over? Or perhaps he will say they were only in the garage (to be run over) because you forced him to not let them in the home. The garage thing is a lose/lose situation for you.

It sounds like your husband just doesn't want to deal with the real issue of which difficult decision to make to get the cats into a good environment, (or put to sleep) to reduce your workload and stress, and so they are not in danger of dying a painful death, or suffering.

If he puts his head in the sand, as well as blaming you for everything, then he won't be the "bad guy" for making a decision about his cats.

He is protecting himself, not you, and not the cats. He is trying to avoid being the one to decide their future.

He needs to grow up, be a man, be your protector, and be a responsible pet owner, who sometimes has to make very difficult decisions, without feeling guilty or bad about it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Cats don't equal people.

I "love" my cats to death....
Well exactly what is love to a person that claims to "love" these animals?

I have had hunting dogs that meant a whole lot to me. I spent EVERY DAY with my bluetick coonhound taking her hunting for many years. The dog was highly trained. She minded better than most kids. I enjoyed the heck out of her and "loved" her, if an animal can truly be loved... BUT..... She was not a human, she did not think like a person, was not a sentient being, had no plans for the future. She was a freaking animal. When she died of old age, it bothered me. But I didn't put much thought into it. The dog was a dog.

I had another labrador retriever that I had put many hours and days of training in. She was a great dog. She was also jealous of other animals getting my attention. She was clearly contented as long as I was around. She was strictly a hunting dog- never around kids.

I had her in the house one day while I ate lunch and my 2 year old baby girl came toddling in and reached out to pet her. Had I not been inches from her and able to tell my dog NO, the dog likely would have killed her. The dog didn't know what a child was, and thought my girl might hurt me, or thought my daughter might hurt her. 

My point: They are just animals. They might bring a lot of happiness to the owner, but if they become a problem--- in the end they're just an animal. They should be treated as such. If they become a burden on their owner, the owner needs to use common sense and exclude emotion from the equation. 

The guy really likes his darned cats. But he should use common sense.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Your husband wants to compromise, so compromise and propose that he change the litter box and feed the animals in the morning before work (and before he's tired). 

For pet urine, try Nature's Miracle Urine Destroyer (it works for human urine, too). It is safe for kids and pets. By the time the pets pass on and your kids have done their best to destroy the rugs, you can get new carpeting.

The best thing you can do is to take a little vacation (a day or two) and let your husband wrangle a toddler, twin babes and all the pets all by himself while cleaning the house and getting dinner on the table. He'll be so very glad to get back to that piddly 50 hour a week a job, he'll kiss your feet when you walk in the door.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Just have the cats killed.

I am serious. I say this as a life time long animal lover.

Rehoming 16 year old cats is not a reasonable thing to do. Other people do not want to take on geriatric pets, and cats have a hard time adapting to change - especially at their age.

Locking them in a garage isn't a very good way to live, especially if they are used to human companionship.

Make arrangements with a vet to do at at home euthanasia, and let them go at their old home where they were happy and not overly stressed.

Personally I haven't done a convenience euthanasia, but I think many times it's much kinder to the animal than alternatives.

Like some others have said, in my relationship we do always place the humans above the animals - but have always gone into pet ownership with eyes wide open regarding the often multiple decade commitment they require.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Dogs are not supposed to be left alone all day, they are pack animals and need people. Your husband going there just once a day to let him out is just plain cruel. Dogs don't have litter trays, they need to go our for walks and wee's and poos regularly. They need their family. Please do something about getting him, poor thing.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Boy you really have a hard-on for this new house of yours. First you banish your in-laws and now your own pets? I don’t know how much more compromising you expect your husband to do. Are you going to declaw him and the kids if they scratch the floors?

I am well aware of how snarky that is but every post is about how you didn’t expect to have a nice house and now you don’t want anyone to ruin it for you. 

If I were you I would start to look at how much you aren’t taking into account your husband’s feelings on anything. Sounds like you get your way a lot and are butt hurt that he is finally standing up for himself, even half-assed.

You are going to have a clean home with perfect floors and a ****ed up marriage. I take that back - you have three kids so you will have a messy house with scratched floors AND a ****ed up marriage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator Notice:*

Let's calm this down please, folks.

Civility does not cost a penny.

And it's possible to put a point over without being rude.

This thread has been tidied up.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

We have two indoor cats, two indoor dogs, and lots of little children. Scoop their box in the morning, vinegar-rinse it once a week--it isn't that much work. It sounds as if your husband taking care of the cats wouldn't be good enough for you. Are you considering *his* feelings?


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> We have two indoor cats, two indoor dogs, and lots of little children. Scoop their box in the morning, vinegar-rinse it once a week--it isn't that much work. It sounds as if your husband taking care of the cats wouldn't be good enough for you. Are you considering *his* feelings?


It doesn't sound like HE is considering *HER* feelings. They are his cats! Why can't he take care of them?

While I believe that getting a pet is a commitment, things happen. Twin babies and a toddler -- that's huge. Hubby needs to take care of his own cats. That would be my rule for keeping them around.

Some people are just diehards about this topic. They are animals. Sometimes they have to be rehomed for one reason or another. 

It's kind of like the breastfeeding Nazis. I could not breastfeed my kids due to a medical issue. I tried (and tried, and TRIED). The breastfeeding Nazis made me feel like it was MY fault and I was doing it on purpose. At one point I actually thought they would rather my son starve than me give him formula! Finally I just told the Nazis that three reproductive endocrinologists had told me there was no way I was ever going to be able to exclusively breastfeed, so just butt the hell out of my life!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

For dealing with cat smell: Get a covered litter box. Cut a hole in the top, and run some flexible dryer hose from that to a bathroom ceiling fan, or small muffin fan in a window to slowly pull air through the box and outside - works like a chem lab fume-hood. Works extremely well.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

uhtred said:


> For dealing with cat smell: Get a covered litter box. Cut a hole in the top, and run some flexible dryer hose from that to a bathroom ceiling fan, or small muffin fan in a window to slowly pull air through the box and outside - works like a chem lab fume-hood. Works extremely well.


Epic lolz 

This is what DD and BFF built. 

https://www.ikeahackers.net/2016/07/easy-clean-stuva-bench-litter-box.html


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Pets should NEVER be the primary focus of the family. They are ANIMALS and if you have arguments over this you have a massive mis-match and are not likely a good match. I see this in my job EVERY DAY where people think they are so special that they can travel with their ugly ass pets under the false pretense of some kind of disability. As far as I am concerned, the only people that should travel with an animal are those that require a seeing eye dog. I will personally help them to their seat. Don't try to force your false disability upon the general public. We are not buying your scam. But I digress.......if you have such a disparity over your value of pets you have a serious problem. Don't get me wrong,,,,,,,I grew up with a pet my entire life, but there is an unhealthy balance when it causes problems within the family dynamic.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

Hope Shimmers said:


> It doesn't sound like HE is considering *HER* feelings. They are his cats! Why can't he take care of them?
> 
> While I believe that getting a pet is a commitment, things happen. Twin babies and a toddler -- that's huge. Hubby needs to take care of his own cats. That would be my rule for keeping them around.
> 
> ...


Simmer down. I agree that he should take care of them. I don't think she genuinely wants him to take on the responsibility--she wants the dog to stay and the cats to go. He had the cats while they dated and married~~who knows if he would have married her if he knew she would one day try to force him to give up his cats... I see nothing wrong with serious pet owners who commit to keeping their pets for their short lifetimes. It isn't either/or~~plenty of people simultaneously and successfully care for pets *and* children. I guess she can continuously nag him with hopes that he'll give in!


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Simmer down. I agree that he should take care of them. I don't think she genuinely wants him to take on the responsibility--she wants the dog to stay and the cats to go. He had the cats while they dated and married~~who knows if he would have married her if he knew she would one day try to force him to give up his cats... I see nothing wrong with serious pet owners who commit to keeping their pets for their short lifetimes. It isn't either/or~~plenty of people simultaneously and successfully care for pets *and* children. I guess she can continuously nag him with hopes that he'll give in!


"Simmer down"? 

Seriously -- you think I'm upset about this thread? :rofl:


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Simmer down. I agree that he should take care of them. I don't think she genuinely wants him to take on the responsibility--she wants the dog to stay and the cats to go. He had the cats while they dated and married~~who knows if he would have married her if he knew she would one day try to force him to give up his cats... I see nothing wrong with serious pet owners who commit to keeping their pets for their short lifetimes. It isn't either/or~~plenty of people simultaneously and successfully care for pets *and* children. I guess she can continuously nag him with hopes that he'll give in!


I think this is an important point... the husband may be thinking, "Why should I give up my animals when you get to keep yours?" I'm not surprised he is resistant.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

john117 said:


> Epic lolz
> 
> This is what DD and BFF built.
> 
> https://www.ikeahackers.net/2016/07/easy-clean-stuva-bench-litter-box.html


The motion activated light on the inside cracked me up.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I'll admit I'm a dog person, not a cat person.

That said H also decided to have kids, W takes care if all, H will do more if he believes the cats are important. 

One has to admit cat hair is a constantly. But with work, can be mitigated for a short time right after serious house cleaning. 

One has to admit a house CAN smell like owner has cats, immediately after walking in. 

But H has had cats a long time. Pets aren't more impt than human family members however one can't diminish how hard it is when time comes to put them to sleep.

Or, and finally here's my real point, if family circumstances change. 

H may have to accept the truest and hardest thing a pet owner can face, how and when to part from a beloved pet.

*Parents shouldn't have to deal with continual care of pets. This happens too often in families/extended families. 

I've shared before, a couple of years ago W and I had to put our two Maltese down after having 14 yrs. We've always had a dog, mostly two at a time. I've had to make the final bet trip on all but two, it's harder when we get older; W and I both had to go on three of them, I was that broken up. 

*One must remember they're not human family members although we enjoy treating them so.

But one has to keep the point of view; you've given said pet a good life for many years, perhaps one the pet never would've had if not for you. And when pet is in continuous age related/never will get better pain, one makes the hard choices. 

Not saying what the H should do, whether cats are old but healthy, or in truth old and failing health. That circumstance could guide a person.

We all spend our time and money on what's important to us when we have time and money.

Sometimes its pets. 

During active child rearing years for a young couple, it's much more likely time and money are best spent on human family members and environment. 

I'm not saying what H should do. Time, effort, decisions, and money can solve this now, time definitely will.

I know every family member makes sacrifices when raising kids. 

Here is who will be the one that puts others before themselves out of love, with a little logic thrown in. 😍

Lord, what a long post.


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## Lifeisgood777 (Feb 21, 2018)

I had 4 cats in my house before I got married and those cats tore my furniture up, and it was impossible to keep the house from smelling. I tried every kind of litter they make and even bought an expensive self-cleaning litter box and that was even worse. 
I made the choice to keep my cats outside because I knew my husband didn’t want them in the house. Although I loved my pets, my husband’s feelings came first. End of story. 
You have to compromise. Keep the cats, but keep them outside. If you feed them, they won’t leave. 
Don’t ever jeopardize a relationship over pets. It’s not worth it. 
Not having pets in the house, or even at all, it not the end of the world.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I shouldnthave said:


> Just have the cats killed.
> 
> I am serious. I say this as a life time long animal lover.
> 
> ...


After my long post above I was just going to say this too but I didn't want to say, as this is the H and Ws time to make the rational decision on their own.

But I'll support ISH's post, in the event others come down on the post/opinion. It's mine too. The H should take the cats in to final vet visit. Hard, but more human at this stage than giving them to a shelter where they won't get the care they're used too. Especially at this age.

The W is trying to support the H.


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## azimuth (May 15, 2018)

Lifeisgood777 said:


> I had 4 cats in my house before I got married and those cats tore my furniture up, and it was impossible to keep the house from smelling. I tried every kind of litter they make and even bought an expensive self-cleaning litter box and that was even worse.
> I made the choice to keep my cats outside because I knew my husband didn’t want them in the house. Although I loved my pets, my husband’s feelings came first. End of story.
> You have to compromise. Keep the cats, but keep them outside. If you feed them, they won’t leave.
> *Don’t ever jeopardize a relationship over pets. It’s not worth it. *
> Not having pets in the house, or even at all, it not the end of the world.



That goes both ways. They're 16 years old now. Needless to say they don't have a lot of time left. I think it would be doing them a huge disservice to rehome at that age. Here's another thought. If they rehome the cats, then the husband will always wonder when and how they passed away, and wish he could have been there when they did, and wonder if the new owners took care of them the best way possible at the end. If the cats aren't dangerous to the children then there's really no reason for them not to be home for the remainder of their lives. A special bonus is that the kids probably love the pets and it brings them joy. I don't elevate pets above humans at all, and I'm only down to one cat now and won't get anymore. But I believe in respect and love for the pets we choose to bring into our homes.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> The motion activated light on the inside cracked me up.


Yep. Works very well . Cat was a bit ambivalent at first but he got the hang of it. The drawer pulls out and cleans easily.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> The motion activated light on the inside cracked me up.


Yep. Works very well . Cat was a bit ambivalent at first but he got the hang of it. The drawer pulls out and cleans easily.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What do you know, you can 'like' something twice.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

FeministInPink said:


> Rosemary's Granddaughter said:
> 
> 
> > Simmer down. I agree that he should take care of them. I don't think she genuinely wants him to take on the responsibility--she wants the dog to stay and the cats to go. He had the cats while they dated and married~~who knows if he would have married her if he knew she would one day try to force him to give up his cats... I see nothing wrong with serious pet owners who commit to keeping their pets for their short lifetimes. It isn't either/or~~plenty of people simultaneously and successfully care for pets *and* children. I guess she can continuously nag him with hopes that he'll give in!
> ...


I told him that I’d be willing to re-home my dog too if that would make him feel better. In all honesty, I don’t have much time anymore to give my dog a lot of attention either. He might be happier in a different home too. Im just more willing to deal with the dog than the cats because at least there’s no litter box to mess with, he can’t jump on kitchen counters or tables, and he doesn’t get nearly as much hair everywhere, so the house feels and smells much cleaner. I asked my husband if he wanted me to re-home the dog and he said “no”, which is exactly what I expected him to say. Even though he has always acted like my dog gets on his last nerve, he would never want to put him up for adoption. I believe he only brought my dog up to make me feel guilty for wanting to give away the cats. Truthfully, even though my husband claimed that he will start taking care of them, I don’t want him to. Why? Because I’ve been with him long enough to know that he is not exactly a neat freak. The messes and the dirtiness doesn’t bother him like it bothers me. 

Two of the cats are long haired, so they need brushed everyday. I was also vacuuming everyday. There’s no way he’s going to work the hours that he does and then come home and spend another hour of his day grooming the cats, feeding them, doing their litter, and vacuuming. His job is an hour away. By the time he gets home, he only has a couple hours to spare until he has to get ready for bed. What I can guarantee will happen is that he will not do things the way I do them. He will half way do things, it sometimes he will skip things and tell him he will get to it tomorrow. And then tomorrow turns into the next day, and then the next. He claims that if he doesn’t do it right, then w can give away the cats. But the cats haven’t even lived with us in weeks, and he doesn’t want to get rid of them now. They’re still at my dad’s rental house. So, There’s no way he will want to get rid of them after he moves them to our new house. That’s why I’d rsther then just not come to the new house at all. Because I know that once they do, it’ll be 100 times harder for him to let them go. 

I guess that’s why he came up with the garage idea. Maybe he thinks he won’t have to clean up after them as much in the garage. But I don’t want everything in the garage to be covered in cat hair and smell like a litter box either. Besides the fact that I don’t know what the point of having a pet is if you’re going to just isolate them in the garage. What kind of life would that be for the cats?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

My opinion is unpopular, but here it goes. For an older animal, I think it is far kinder to hold them gently in your arms while the vet slips a forever sleep needle in their leg than to "re home" them. Taking an animal out of their home and dumping them in a shelter is cruel beyond belief. Even banishing them to the garage would be hard as hell on them.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

So in your latest post you give lots of reasons why your husband won't take care of the cats properly. Fine, I think the subject has been addressed quite thoroughly, don't you?

Now what are you going to do about the cats?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's easy to solve the kitty litter problem... get a self cleaning electric cat litter box.... here are links to two of them. There are many listed on Amazon.com. Some are larger than these two.

I had one of these with my last cats. There is no way I would have cats today and use the old type of kitty litter box that you have to scoop out by hand. 

https://www.amazon.com/PetSafe-Scoo...&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=electric+cat+box&psc=1


https://www.amazon.com/LitterMaid-L...d=1536174348&sr=8-2&keywords=electric+cat+box

There is even a self-flushing cat toilet... yep it cleans itself with water...........

https://www.amazon.com/CatGenie-Sel...=1536174401&sr=8-8&keywords=cat+litter+toilet


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> It's easy to solve the kitty litter problem... get a self cleaning electric cat litter box.... here are links to two of them. There are many listed on Amazon.com. Some are larger than these two.
> 
> I had one of these with my last cats. There is no way I would have cats today and use the old type of kitty litter box that you have to scoop out by hand.
> 
> ...


I have that last one - the CatGenie. I paid what I considered to be a small fortune for it. And, to be honest, it has been worth _every single cent_ that I paid for it. Yes, it's basically a self-flushing cat toilet. I have to shake a couple handfuls of additional litter granules into the litter pan every few months, change the cleaning solution cartridge about every six weeks, and run a deep-clean cycle about three times a year. But, otherwise, I haven't had to scoop or clean a litter box or otherwise deal with cat litter in nearly 5 years. And my house never smells like I have cats. If your cats take to it - all three of mine did, including my elderly girl who has since passed on - then it's absolutely awesome!


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Well, I mean, the answer is obvious.

Give up the kids for adoption and take care of the cats!

Priorities, amiright?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> Well, I mean, the answer is obvious.
> 
> Give up the kids for adoption and take care of the cats!
> 
> Priorities, amiright?


There is one in every crowd... :surprise:


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> Well, I mean, the answer is obvious.
> 
> Give up the kids for adoption and take care of the cats!
> 
> Priorities, amiright?


Sounds good!


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Awww she's beautiful (or he?)


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> Awww she's beautiful (or he?)


He's Mies van der Rohe the cat, 3.5 years old and 20 lb, purebred Maine **** from a line of national cat show champions.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

MIES FOR PRESIDENT!!!

And an added thought for OP: In the time it took you to write the post about our husband's inability to properly care for the cats, you could have:

(1) Googled no-kill shelters in your area;
(2) Googled no-kill shelters that are affiliated with foster homes for senior pets; and,
(3) Googled no-kill cat sanctuaries.

Yes, I understand you are extremely busy; however, as I said, in the time it took you to type out your most recent post, you could have found a good place for the cats to go.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Edited


Hate much, do we?


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> MIES FOR PRESIDENT!!!
> 
> And an added thought for OP: In the time it took you to write the post about our husband's inability to properly care for the cats, you could have:
> 
> ...


I’ve already done that. I did that several days ago actually. There are a couple of no kill shelters in the area. I used one of them previously when a stray kitten showed up at my house years ago. I fostered the kitten until they found someone to adopt it (only took a few days). I contacted that same place yesterday and asked if something like this would be an option with the cats we currently own. She told me that right now they are not taking any animals in because they are at full capacity. I don’t really see why it would matter that their shelter is full if I’m planning on fostering them until they get adopted.... they wouldnt be staying at the shelter. But anyway, that’s just what she told me. 

I also saw something about 45 mins away from me called an “animal haven” which I think might be like a sanctuary but it looks like they have mostly farm animals. I don’t even know if they would take the cats in but I recently sent them a message on their Facebook page and I’m waiting to hear back. If they won’t take them, I know there is a humane society around here that will let you keep the animal with you until they are re-homed. You can go on their website and create a profile for your animal including their picture and all of their information, and whenever someone is interested, it says they will directly contact you by email or phone, and I think the humane society sets up a place for you to meet with the person who is interested to make sure they’ll be a good fit. It sounds exactly like what I did with the stray kitten years ago, except that wasnt the humane society, it was a different no kill shelter. So, that’s what I’m planning on doing if the “animal haven” place can’t help. I’m planning to create a profile for them online and keep them at our old house until we find someone to take them. 

Some here have mentioned making them outdoor cats, which would probably be ok to do with the younger cat. Our new house is in a private location so there’s minimal traffic, so I wouldn’t be too worried about them getting hit by cars. But my husband had the two older ones declawed when they were kittens so I think that would be a bit cruel to let them outside knowing they don’t even have claws or any way to defend themselves if they were to get attacked by something. Some have also mentioned the idea of putting the two older ones to sleep but there’s no way my husband would agree to that. He already told me he wouldn’t be ok with that. Maybe if it got to the point where their health was rapidly deteriorating and they were in constant pain/misery, he might do it. But they’re still pretty healthy cats considering their age. 

I do agree that it would probably be traumatic for them to just drop them off at a shelter with a bunch of other animals and strange people, which is why I don’t want to do that. I’d much rather keep them at the old house, the place they’ve lived at for the past several years and are comfortable with, until they get adopted. And my husband will of course continue to go over there everyday to feed them and take care of the litter. My dad has already said that they can stay there for however long it takes to get them adopted. He was planning on doing some renovations to the house so it was going to be a while before he rented it back out anyway.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> Well, I mean, the answer is obvious.
> 
> Give up the kids for adoption and take care of the cats!
> 
> Priorities, amiright?


I hope you are joking.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

personofinterest said:


> This is healthy. This is normal. I love my dog so much it's almost ridiculous, but my dog is not as important as my husband. My dog is not as important as my children or stepson. If something happened and I had to choose between the dog and the humans in my life, the dog would find a new home. I understand a love for pets, but we have gotten completely ridiculous. A baby is more important than an animal. It just is. I understand the OP completely.


This is an interesting topic to me, because while I can see that YES, obviously the spouse, or any human, is more important than a pet there is something to be said for what type of person do I want to be married to?

If I went into a marriage with animals and the understanding that we both wanted animals, I would be very disappointed and resentful if my spouse wanted to get rid of them. Even if he had perfectly legitimate reasons -- like the OP. I would feel VERY "bait and switch." If he developed an allergy or asthma or something, that would be one thing. But to ask me to give up ones that have been members of the family for years right while they're really aging? I'd probably do it because my spouse should come before animals but I'd feel incredibly guilty for abandoning my cats and I'd harbor a resentment I might not be able to let go.

I'm recently divorced and dating now and "I don't want pets" is a deal breaker to me, even though it's perfectly understandable to not want them.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

september_sky said:


> I’d much rather keep them at the old house, the place they’ve lived at for the past several years and are comfortable with, until they get adopted. And my husband will of course continue to go over there everyday to feed them and take care of the litter. My dad has already said that they can stay there for however long it takes to get them adopted. He was planning on doing some renovations to the house so it was going to be a while before he rented it back out anyway.


Are they cat's that want and get a lot of attention? If not, and he's going to go over there every day to see them that might be a solution. Or, is there any way your house can be set up so they are in the house but limited to a certain portion of it?

Also - they are long haired and have to be brushed every day? Is it possible you're forcing unnecessary standards on yourself? I know long haired cats need to be groomed, but I've had long haired cats and brushed them MONTHLY at the MOST and they were clean and not matted at all. 

I understand your objections, especially concern about cat urine smell, but I don't think you really understand what you're asking of your husband. In his spot I'd feel like you were asking me to betray my long term pets that I have a commitment that count on me and are aging and probably won't adjust well to new people. If you can even find someone who wants older cats as their new pets.

Regarding concerns about them peeing in the house - Professional carpet cleaners have chemicals we can't buy and can usually get rid of the smells and stains. Last time I had pet urine cleaned off our carpets the carpet guy said for *urine you want to use a solution of 50/50 water and amonia*. It binds with the protein or breaks it down or something. He said baking soda and those enzyme pet cleaners are worthless for urine. Spray that on it good and let it set. If the smell persists, treat again. Worst case scenario, use 100% amonia.

Good luck.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

september_sky said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > Well, I mean, the answer is obvious.
> ...


Edit: I just noticed your previous post. So glad you were being sarcastic. It’s hard to tell with the way some people are these days.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

september_sky said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > Well, I mean, the answer is obvious.
> ...


 I was absolutely being sarcastic. Like I've said before, I've always loved my pets. But human life is more important. Yes it is. I know that it's disposable for convenience while eating chicken is supposed to make you feel guilty these days. But animals and people are in fact different. So if you choose to re home or put down these animals because you need to focus on your children, you are not being cruel. You are being normal.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> But animals and people are in fact different. So if you choose to re home or put down these animals because you need to focus on your children, you are not being cruel. You are being normal.


NORMAL?

Since when does 'focusing on your kids' give you the moral right to kill off the family pets? Who the hell *DOES* that and looks at themselves in a damned mirror every day? There is nothing normal about doing that at ALL.

The only one making this out to be some kind of supposed _"my kids will *suffer *if I have to care for elderly animals and can't focus on them 24 hours a day 7 days a week"_ is the OP. That's a lame EXCUSE and you know it is, OP. You honestly want ANYONE to believe that you can't multi-task like every single woman has ever *done *since the dawn of time and motherhood???? *Seriously?*

Gonna have your husband put to sleep too, since he requires daily care and maintenance that detracts from this all-important 'laser-like focus' you claim you must maintain for your kids? That time spent doing his laundry or packing his lunch or talking to him about grownup stuff or chatting with him on the phone when he's at work will detract you from that 24/7 'focus,' so I guess you'll have to have *him* put down along with the animals.

Who *else *dares to require some of your time? Because *they'll *need to be put down, as well.

Whatever you decide to do, don't EVER get another pet. It's *this* type of self-absorbed mentality - getting rid of the animal once it's no longer fun or convenient to have around - that animal rescue facilities abhor because _they're _the ones left dealing with the castoff animals who are bewildered, frightened, whining, and shaking with fear in their cages.

I'm appalled at this thread. Absolutely appalled.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> NORMAL?
> 
> Since when does 'focusing on your kids' give you the moral right to kill off the family pets? Who the hell *DOES* that and looks at themselves in a damned mirror every day? There is nothing normal about doing that at ALL.
> 
> ...


Unsurprisingly, you completely twisted and misread my words. The OP has 3 small children, and hubby isn't helping. She is overwhelmed. This isn't about getting rid of pets because she had kids or getting rid of pets because they aren't convenient. Do you always use such ridiculous hyperbole?

This is about someone who is being expected to do everything to care for ALL the living things in her household. 

Hubby needs to step up and take care of HIS cats.

Are you pro-choice, btw? Cause I don;t have much respect for anyone who would go ape over animals but thinks killing unborn children for convenience is honky dory.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> I was absolutely being sarcastic. Like I've said before, I've always loved my pets. But human life is more important. Yes it is. I know that it's disposable for convenience while eating chicken is supposed to make you feel guilty these days. But animals and people are in fact different. So if you choose to re home or put down these animals because you need to focus on your children, you are not being cruel. You are being normal.


Of course animals and people are different. Duh. But animals have feelings. The comparison between human and animal is moot. When you take on a pet, you take on a responsibility for a living thing. In fact, if they were not sweet and loving critters, we would not bother with them. We bond with them and they us. When the family situation no longer allows for pets, it seems easy to just get rid of them. But they are not an appliance. 

In my opinion, re-homing IS cruel for an older animal. Personally, I think that bringing your pet to the vet to put down is the most humane option for an older pet. (Staying there and holding them. I think dumping your pet at the vet is pretty cruel as well.) I don't really understand the no kill shelter craze. The number of unwanted pets far exceeds the number of people wanting to rescue them from their sadness.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The general consensus is in.

Hard as it will be, H should lovingly put the cats to sleep. Re-homing at their advanced age would be cruel.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Wow, I'm not even sure where to start with this one. I guess here: I'm an animal lover and will advocate for them when a need calls for it. I'm not big into cats, but have a healthy respect for them. 

1. When you guys initially got the animals, you made a commitment to them to take care of them until the end of their days. That being said, if the cats are that much a bother to you, definitely find them a proper home. Make sure that the adopter knows that they need to get adopted together. They've known you guys as their family for X-number of years, so to not only rehome them, but to split them up would be just awful. Don't put them in the garage. Seriously?!? 

2. Do you have a developed basement, where they could maybe stay? Or, create a place in your home for them.

3. Yes, animals are a lot of work. I have 2 rescue dogs who are the little lights of my life. Sometimes, my parents will put out the offer for them to "sleepover" for a couple days with their own 2 dogs. When they're gone, boy do I notice the difference. It's really freeing to be able to just leave the house without guilt of leaving them alone. But, boy is it ever lonely for me. I hear you there, but you still made that commitment years ago.

4. Why in the world are your animals living in 1 house, and you guys are living in another? That makes taking care of them A DAMN LOT of work instead of just a lot of work. Get them into the house with you guys.

5. Let your husband know how much work it is for you, and get him to contribute when he's home.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

It sounds to me like the OP is doing her best to find the elderly cats a place where they can live out their lives in relative comfort.

Sorry, but I can't get on board with euthanizing a family pet just because it gets old and infirm. If there is a disease process present that is causing the animal discomfort, then yes, euthanasia is viable. But these cats have only committed the sin of getting old, which happens to all animals.

I'm still strongly advocating for a sanctuary. I live in a mid-sized city and we have at least TWO sanctuaries plus a no-kill shelter. And, yes, the shelter becomes overcrowded. However, our local ABC affiliate news program frequently airs stories about the shelter having events for people to take a pet home for almost no $$. There is also a foster group associated with the shelter. These folks take the pets in when space gets tight.

I really hope these cats get to live out their lives in a good, safe place.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> The general consensus is in.
> 
> Hard as it will be, H should lovingly put the cats to sleep. Re-homing at their advanced age would be cruel.


I'm sorry, but WRONG! 

The truth is the kids are going to do far more damage to the house than the animals can even dream of and far more than the OP can imagine. 

OP, I get how excited you are to have a new house and all; but, you have to realize that in six months time you won't even recognize the place once those twins start crawling about. My sis had twin sons and I'm here to tell you - OMG - the destruction they wreaked was beyond belief. This is life - let it play out and try not to get your knickers in a twist every time the walls get smudged and mud gets tracked on the rugs. You and everyone else will be far happier.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> NORMAL?
> 
> Since when does 'focusing on your kids' give you the moral right to kill off the family pets? Who the hell *DOES* that and looks at themselves in a damned mirror every day? There is nothing normal about doing that at ALL.


I agree with you ... except for the kill off the family pets and looking at themselves. I DON'T see life at all costs as the correct attitude for pets. Case for example purposes. Someone I know has a little dog. A "friend" of hers put the little dog on her shoulders from which the dog fell. (Now that is irresponsible.) The dog broke both of her front legs. TWELVE WEEKS in casts. There is nothing in the natural order of things for a dog to be immobile and unable to take care of simple things like eating and eliminating by themselves. This is misery for the poor dog. ... What IS the right thing to do here?

I agree with you that people view re-homing an animal as not much different than giving away a blender that they no longer want. And that attitude is frustrating. In my opinion, people don't take enough time to think about the implications of the decision to have a pet when they get the pet. They wait until the pet is inconvenient... then their obligation is a nuisance. But the issue is not as simple as keep the animal alive at all costs. Sometimes the kinder thing to do IS to put them down, especially with elder animals.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Prodigal said:


> It sounds to me like the OP is doing her best to find the elderly cats a place where they can live out their lives in relative comfort.
> 
> Sorry, but I can't get on board with euthanizing a family pet just because it gets old and infirm. If there is a disease process present that is causing the animal discomfort, then yes, euthanasia is viable. But these cats have only committed the sin of getting old, which happens to all animals.


Blessedly (ha!), animals have no concept of sin. 



> I'm still strongly advocating for a sanctuary. I live in a mid-sized city and we have at least TWO sanctuaries plus a no-kill shelter. And, yes, the shelter becomes overcrowded. However, our local ABC affiliate news program frequently airs stories about the shelter having events for people to take a pet home for almost no $$. There is also a foster group associated with the shelter. These folks take the pets in when space gets tight.
> 
> I really hope these cats get to live out their lives in a good, safe place.


I think shelters for anything more than a short stay are FAR more cruel.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > But animals and people are in fact different. So if you choose to re home or put down these animals because you need to focus on your children, you are not being cruel. You are being normal.
> ...


I personally have never said that I wanted to put the cats down, so I’m not sure where you’re coming from with that. I think I agree more with my husband there. If they were extremely sick and couldn’t function anymore, that would be one thing. But as I said, they’re relatively healthy cats. Two of them are just old. I also have never mentioned wanting to just dump them off at a shelter. So again, I am not sure where you’re getting that from. My plan is to keep them until we can find them a good home. It might take several months, especially for the two older ones since older pets aren’t typically adopted as quickly as younger pets, but I’m ok with that. And I see nothing inhumane or cruel about that. I want to give them the chance to live in a home where they can be given more attention and care than I’m able to give them. 

Secondly, of course I can multitask. I’ve been doing it for a long time now. I’m an expert at it. Everyday, it’s a never ending cycle of me changing diapers, making bottles, cleaning up baby spit up, changing my clothes where I’ve been spit up on/pooped on/peed on, you name it. Doing the laundry, doing dishes, cleaning, making sure my husband has clean work clothes, making sure he has lunch packed for work, all while trying to find at least a few minutes out of the day to do something for myself like showering or brushing my teeth or making myself something to eat. I’ve been doing this for a while now every single day, PLUS cleaning up cat puke/hairballs, cleaning litter boxes, and constantly vacuuming up cat hair. So yes, I absolutely can multitask, and I have been. BUT, everyone has their limits. I’m not super woman. It gets to a point where sometimes you take on more than you can handle. In a situation like this, something has to give, and obviously it’s not going to be my children. It’s not fair to anyone (my husband, my kids, OR the pets) if I’m constantly stressed out to the max and on the brink of losing my sanity. No one ever said anything about needing to have “laser like focus”. That’s ridiculous. But there’s nothing wrong with thinking of MYSELF for once, and MY mental state. If my mental state isn’t good, then I’m no good for my kids or for anyone. 

Believe me. If I wanted to get rid of them the moment they no longer became “fun or convenient” I would have done that a long time ago. When I first got with my husband, I knew he had two cats, which I was totally fine with. I had every intention of having the cats with us until they died. I liked cats. I liked them so much, that’s how we ended up getting another one a couple years after we got married. Back then, I did not have nearly the responsibitly that I have now, so I didn’t mind so much having to deal with litter and cat hair. I looked at the pets like they were my kids. It took years to get pregnant with my first son, and I honestly had given up and didn’t even think I’d ever have kids of my own. Ever since I had him, I’ve had much less time to deal with the animals and they’ve been much more stressful than they were before having a kid. But, I’ve been doing it, trying my best to care for them on top of everything else that I have to do, just so that I wouldn’t have to let them go. 3 years after having my first son, I end up giving birth to twins. It was a bit of a surprise that I was pregnant again, and it was even more shocking that it was having twins. That’s definitely not something that I had ever anticipated or planned on. If you’ve never cared for twins, let me tell you, it’s a lot different than just caring for one baby. My point is, I am not one of those people who dump their pet off at a shelter the second they’re not fun anymore. I absolutely believe that pets are a commitment and if at all possible, you should keep them with you until they pass away. But, sometimes in life, things happen that you didn’t plan on. Sometimes, you take on more responsibility than you can handle, and in those cases, changes sometimes have to be made.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

Ursula said:


> Wow, I'm not even sure where to start with this one. I guess here: I'm an animal lover and will advocate for them when a need calls for it. I'm not big into cats, but have a healthy respect for them.
> 
> 1. When you guys initially got the animals, you made a commitment to them to take care of them until the end of their days. That being said, if the cats are that much a bother to you, definitely find them a proper home. Make sure that the adopter knows that they need to get adopted together. They've known you guys as their family for X-number of years, so to not only rehome them, but to split them up would be just awful. Don't put them in the garage. Seriously?!?
> 
> ...


Unfortunately, there really isn’t a separate place in the house to put them, other than the garage. And I agree, I don’t think they’d be happy in the garage either. I think it would also be a bit dangerous for them considering cars would be coming in and out. Unless I just didn’t use the garage to park my vehicle in, which I don’t want to do. We finally have a house with a garage, it’d be nice to be able to use it. The garage thing was my husband’s idea. 

They are still at our old house because I didn’t want to bring them to the new house and risk them making it smell like cat pee. They’re less than 10 minutes away from us and our old house is kind of on the way to my husband’s work place so he just stops by there after he gets off work every night and takes care of them. 

I’ve made it known to my husband that I need him to help me more with the animals and he claims he will but as I mentioned in a previous post, I’m a little bit OCD about a clean house, and he isn’t. So I already know that his definition of taking care of the cats and cleaning up after them, will be different than my definition of what that means. I can probably count on him to feed them and maybe take care of the litter box but I don’t see him regularly vacuuming up cat hair or anything like that. Yes, I get that I have 3 kids and kids will be scattering toys around, making messes, drawing on things, etc. I have a toddler, so I know what that’s like. BUT, I can handle all of that. The thing that bothers me about the cats is more of a cleanliness/sanitary issue. When there is a litter box in the house, balls of cat hair floating around everywhere, random hairballs laying around that they’ve coughed up, I just don’t feel like the house is very sanitary. Not to mention the fact that they jump on the kitchen counters (despite trying everything to get them to stop) and you can’t turn your back for a second without one of them jumping on the table and trying to lick your food. If I make my 3 year old a snack and he lays it on the table, and I hwve to run out of the room for a second because of something urgent, I have to worry about whether the cat has licked my kid’s food or not when I get back. It’s just not sanitary.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I don’t know what advice to give now, but whenever they are gone, I’d certsimly not replace them. I live in a rural area and have had a lot of animals over the years, but animals are outdoor creatures in my opinion. Even if I visit someone and they have a dog or cat running around, it’s just not my thing. I’ve never understood the appeal of having pets in the house. All the work, smell, and destruction that people mention doesn’t sound fun to me, and I know that without even having animals in the house. It would not take having pets and then being without them for a while for me to have a lightbulb moment about that.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> Blessedly (ha!), animals have no concept of sin.


Please tell me you are only joking and not that obtuse. Of course animals have no concept of sin. I'm using the word "sin" as replacement for the word inevitable. I certainly am not stating, or implying, in any way that animals have a conscious ability to sin. 



NobodySpecial said:


> I think shelters for anything more than a short stay are FAR more cruel.


You opinion is yours to have. However, you are wrong. Just plain wrong. Our local no-kill shelter is brand new, thanks to a bond that was floated on the ballot four years ago. Not only is it quite nice, but the volunteer staff does an awesome job. The cats actually have a large room, complete with feeding/water stations, play areas with cat "condos," and floor-to-ceiling windows where the cats can watch birds. I've volunteered before to be a daily dog walker. Yes, the dogs have a large yard in which to play. They also have volunteers like me who walk them and play with them.

I'm active in several animal shelter/rescue organizations here. No, nothing "cruel" going on. The focus is on making sure the animals aren't stressed and have daily interaction. Consider it an old age home/assisted living facility for the unwanted and senior animal citizens.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Prodigal said:


> Please tell me you are only joking and not that obtuse. Of course animals have no concept of sin. I'm using the word "sin" as replacement for the word inevitable. I certainly am not stating, or implying, in any way that animals have a conscious ability to sin.


Yes, I was joking.



> You opinion is yours to have. However, you are wrong. Just plain wrong. Our local no-kill shelter is brand new, thanks to a bond that was floated on the ballot four years ago. Not only is it quite nice, but the volunteer staff does an awesome job. The cats actually have a large room, complete with feeding/water stations, play areas with cat "condos," and floor-to-ceiling windows where the cats can watch birds. I've volunteered before to be a daily dog walker. Yes, the dogs have a large yard in which to play. They also have volunteers like me who walk them and play with them.


I am glad. Most areas do NOT have this. Our shelters are depressing miserable places.



> I'm active in several animal shelter/rescue organizations here. No, nothing "cruel" going on. The focus is on making sure the animals aren't stressed and have daily interaction. Consider it an old age home/assisted living facility for the unwanted and senior animal citizens.


That certainly beats sitting forlornly in cages.


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## azimuth (May 15, 2018)

september_sky said:


> Unfortunately, there really isn’t a separate place in the house to put them, other than the garage. And I agree, I don’t think they’d be happy in the garage either. I think it would also be a bit dangerous for them considering cars would be coming in and out. Unless I just didn’t use the garage to park my vehicle in, which I don’t want to do. We finally have a house with a garage, it’d be nice to be able to use it. The garage thing was my husband’s idea.
> 
> They are still at our old house because I didn’t want to bring them to the new house and risk them making it smell like cat pee. They’re less than 10 minutes away from us and our old house is kind of on the way to my husband’s work place so he just stops by there after he gets off work every night and takes care of them.
> 
> I’ve made it known to my husband that I need him to help me more with the animals and he claims he will but as I mentioned in a previous post, I’m a little bit OCD about a clean house, and he isn’t. So I already know that his definition of taking care of the cats and cleaning up after them, will be different than my definition of what that means. I can probably count on him to feed them and maybe take care of the litter box but I don’t see him regularly vacuuming up cat hair or anything like that. Yes, I get that I have 3 kids and kids will be scattering toys around, making messes, drawing on things, etc. I have a toddler, so I know what that’s like. BUT, I can handle all of that. The thing that bothers me about the cats is more of a cleanliness/sanitary issue. When there is a litter box in the house, balls of cat hair floating around everywhere, random hairballs laying around that they’ve coughed up, I just don’t feel like the house is very sanitary. Not to mention the fact that they jump on the kitchen counters (despite trying everything to get them to stop) and you can’t turn your back for a second without one of them jumping on the table and trying to lick your food. If I make my 3 year old a snack and he lays it on the table, and I hwve to run out of the room for a second because of something urgent, I have to worry about whether the cat has licked my kid’s food or not when I get back. It’s just not sanitary.



It sounds like you're waiting for your husband "wake up" and get rid of the cats on his own. I don't think that's going to happen. You seem very inflexible in this matter and you want things the way you want them. So if you want things to go your way, you're going to have to do it yourself. Just keep in mind that very few people will agree with you, and be prepared for resentment from your husband.

Personally, I would rather have a home full of love and appreciation and compromise, than a sterile clean house full of resentment. Good luck with your decision.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

azimuth said:


> It sounds like you're waiting for your husband "wake up" and get rid of the cats on his own. I don't think that's going to happen. You seem very inflexible in this matter and you want things the way you want them. So if you want things to go your way, you're going to have to do it yourself. Just keep in mind that very few people will agree with you, and be prepared for resentment from your husband.
> 
> Personally, I would rather have a home full of love and appreciation and compromise, than a sterile clean house full of resentment. Good luck with your decision.


^^^ This here, 100 times over. OP, you sound very set in your ways, and you won't stop until you get your way. Often times, it's better to be happy than to be right, or to "win". When a compromise is reached, both people win. And, if the garage is the compromise, then so be it. I wasn't a fan of the idea in the first place, but you guys can set it up temporarily as a comfortable place for the cats to stay in. That will mean not using it for your cars, but since this would be the first experience in doing that, that shouldn't be a problem. Plus, if it's comfortable, then the family will feel good spending time with the cats out there. 

If you do get your way in this matter, definitely be prepared for a hurt/upset husband who might really resent you for this for years to come. The fallout from this probably won't be worth it in the end.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I think its extremely cruel to be thinking of sending cats of that age to a shelter OR a new home! Cats are sensitive, and the old timers would likely die not long after that change. I also think putting them in garage would be cruel as well, and possibly just as stressful for them. Maybe consider rehoming the younger one. That would be one less for you to fuss over, without undue stress on the older two. And maybe the dog too. 

Your husband should be stepping up and taking care of them to ease your burden, after all, they ARE his. Pretty sure they don't need to be brushed every day either, why make that extra work for yourself.


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

Holy flurking schnit! This thread is so sad and frustrating. I apologize in advance for the length and vehemence of this post. It’s not my intention to offend. I just can’t believe my eyes and what I’m reading in the responses here.

It hurts my heart that the family cats and dog have been left mostly alone in an empty house away from their people for weeks, where they may remain indefinitely until they’re “re-homed”, to say nothing of shutting elderly cats in a garage or getting rid of them because they have become a burden and as OP says, she no longer derives enjoyment from them. 

And I don’t understand the hysterical “won’t somebody PLEASE think of the CHILDREN!!!!!” responses. Where in this thread is there even an inkling that the children are suffering due to having the animals around? Of course caring for human babies is a priority (is that even up for debate?), but this isn’t an either/or situation.

It’s beyond me why some are trying to turn this into a “two legs good, four legs bad” debacle and assert humans > animals. I don’t see how that’s relevant or even remotely helpful. 

No matter where domestic animals place in everyone’s totem pole of importance, the fact is they are dependent on their people for care and compassion for the duration of their lives. 

I have been grateful to love and care for many animals, including my dearly departed dad’s elderly doggies who had health and behavioral issues. I know how caring for special needs animals when you’re exhausted and wrung out can be very challenging, but I made the commitment to care for them until it was their time to go. And I’ve always approached caring for an animal and deciding to end their life when age/illness had impacted _their _quality of life, not mine.

OP, is the incontinence something new for the cats? Have they had recent veterinary examinations? Diabetes can be a common elderly animal cause of incontinence and can be diet/medication managed, as can other common causes of urinary incontinence (UTIs, bladder infections, etc.) If the incontinence is a recent issue, it would be worth it to have them evaluated for health problems. If they do not have any conditions that cause incontinence and it’s age-related, it might help to have more clean litter boxes around in strategic areas so they don’t have to travel as far to relieve themselves. 

I do not agree with “re-homing” older companion animals, because as many have already pointed out, they can be traumatized by being separated from their people and it’s rare that they will be adopted or find new “forever homes”. Many just languish, frightened and forgotten in cages for the remainder of their sad little lives or until they are euthanized.

Some “no kill” shelters can be great (heck, I want to be “re-homed” to the one Prodigal volunteers at!), but they’re not all animal resorts (I wish!) And it should be mentioned that some no kill shelters can be labeled “no kill” while still killing a percentage of the animals. If you are dead set on getting rid of the cats (though I wish you wouldn’t), it might be beneficial to research and contact some more sanctuaries, if possible. Sanctuaries are different from shelters and can be a better choice, if the only option you’re willing to consider is “re-homing” them. 

But I can only encourage you to work with your husband on a compromise, as I feel your situation is “workable”. He’s let you know he is unwilling to give up his cats and you have let him know you are unable to continue caring for them, so the stalemate breaker is to relinquish some control and let him care for his elderly cats at your new house, as he has said he will do. 

So what if he doesn’t vacuum constantly, brush them daily, or do things exactly as you would? Would this be the end of the world? Let him at least try. As others have pointed out, there are self-cleaning litter boxes, you can have the long-haired cats groomed so their coats are clipped down to a more manageable length, and he can take full responsibility for caring and cleaning up after them as he has promised he will do. You’re acting as if he has already broken this promise without even giving him the opportunity to try to keep it. 

I mean, according to what you’ve written, he is already going to the other house every day for weeks to care for all of them, right? That takes time, commitment, and shows responsibility; I don’t understand why you won’t give him a chance to care for them at the new residence as he wants to do.

I have to be honest, I would be incredibly hurt and resentful if I was led to believe by my future spouse prior to marriage that they were an animal lover (essential for me) and that they had the sentiments you shared here about my pre-existing pets:



september_sky said:


> I want to be clear that I think animals are a lifelong commitment and I think people shouldn’t own them unless they have every intention to care for them for a very long time. I understand they are not disposable and do not deserve to be dumped off the second someone gets tired of dealing with them. When I first got with my husband, I knew he had two cats and I had no issue with that. I loved cats and dogs. There was no one that loved animals more than me. I had every intention of keeping the animals that we have until they died.


And then when my animals got old, if my spouse did a 180 and started trying to force me to get rid of them, I would not be okay with that and would feel deceived and be imperially pissed. Your husband may feel the same and that could explain some of his anger, resistance, and inability to civilly discuss this issue with you. He’s said he feels that you are flip flopping and going back on your word, which I could see why he feels that way and understand his point of view. Maybe simply ask him how he’s feeling and use it as a springboard to discuss both of your concerns.

Because I get that you’re tired and stressed and seeking acknowledgement from him about all the work you do too; I’m sorry he’s not giving you the recognition and respect you want/need and feel you deserve. As Prodigal has pointed out, it seems like the issue is much deeper than what to do about your animals. 

Is couples counseling a possibility? And is it in the budget/possible for you to have a break from the “endless diapers, bottles, cleaning” or maybe some outside help to come in to assist you with housework, childcare, and/or animal care? This might help alleviate some of your stress and be a simple solution to help all of you feel better.

No matter what happens, I hope some of the suggestions/encouragement people have given you here help and I wish you both, your family, and your animals the best and I hope it works out for all of you.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

I want to thank everyone for your advice, and especially to those who have expressed their feelings without being judgmental or rude. I do appreciate it. I talked to my husband about this again last night. He was finally able to talk to me calmly and I tried my best to be open to what he had to say. He explained to me that he was bothered that I wouldn’t even give him a chance to take care of the cats, just as the last person here on this thread stated. He said he wished he had known years ago when we had our first kid, that the cats were getting to be so stressful for me. He said at least then he would have been somewhat prepared for this. But to just keep putting up with it silently, letting it stress me out more and more everyday to the point where finally there’s nothing I’m willing to try other than just getting rid of them, that’s what he has a problem with. After listening to what he had to say, I can understand why he would feel shocked, angry, etc. by me just abruptly wanting to get rid of them. 

He also seems to think that the two older cats probably won’t live much longer and they probably won’t get adopted before then, because not many people want older pets, and I can agree with that. I think it would probably take a while to find them a good home, and it would probably take even longer to find someone willing to adopt a PAIR of older cats (because they are siblings who have been together since birth and my husband doesn’t think it’d be right to separate them). I’m still really against them being inside of the house. Especially now that I have small children, I just really can’t deal with them jumping on counters and licking my kid’s food, and I also really don’t like the idea of having a little box inside the house. Again, especially now that I have small kids. It’s just one more thing that I’d have to make sure they weren’t getting into. Plus I just think having a littler box in the house is unpleasant. 

So my husband’s idea of a compromise was to keep them in the garage. He seems to think that I will still be able to park my van in it and that I’ll just have to make sure that I see them before I start backing out. I do have a camera in my van so I can see where I’m going when backing up, an that does help a lot. I also hardly ever go anywhere, because I’m a stay at home mom, so I wouldn’t be going in and out that much anyway. By agreeing to the garage idea, I would be getting the main thing I want (which is having no cats in the main part of the house that we live in) and my husband would get what he wants to (which is to keep the cats). We do have a cat tree for them that he wants to put in the garage and a bird feeder so they can watch the birds out of the garage window, and they make heated pet houses that we can put in the garage for when it gets cold. Once I opened my mind a little, I started thinking that there are probably ways that we could make it comfortable for them out there. The two older ones probably only have a year or two left, and they’ve got to spend most of their lives inside, so I feel like them living in the garage for the last bit of their lives might be easier for them to deal with than going to a new home at this point, especially if we made it as comfortable as possible for them out there. Since we live in a private location with very little traffic, I’m thinking we could just make the younger cat an outdoor cat, and we could put a heated pet house for him outside too when it gets cold. That way, when the two older cats pass, we would only have one cat and he would be strictly outdoors, so I think I would be able to handle that much better than the way things are now. As I said, the two older ones are declawed, so I don’t think making them outdoor cats would be right since they’d have no way to defend themselves against predators. 

The two older cats have had problems with UTI’s in the past. They just went to the vet earlier this year and the only issues the vet saw was they they both have thyroid issues, which they take medicine for. So it is possible that the one who was peeing in the corner maybe had another UTI or as someone said, maybe it was because that house smelled like cat pee when we moved in so maybe she was marking on top of another cats pee. I don’t know but my husband said since he’s been going to the old house to feed them everyday, he hasn’t seen any pee spots anywhere, so apparently she’s not doing it anymore. When we were living there, she only did it a couple times that I know of, so it wasn’t really a regular thing.

I don’t want for my husband to resent me. I want for us to get along and be happy. So when it comes to big issues like this that we both feel strongly about, I think the only fair thing to do is to negotiate and figure something out so that we both can be happy. We have had the cats for this long, I don’t think it will kill me to let them stay in the garage for the remainder of this short time they have left, and give my husband the chance to take care of them. To be honest, my mom played a big part in why I was so resistant to the garage idea. I had initially agreed to it but she’s not really a cat person and she was saying that if I didn’t want to deal with them, the best thing would really be to put them up for adoption. And she was saying that I shouldn’t back down. She has this idea that my husband tries to manipulate me and that if I agreed to let them into the garage that my husband would eventually get his way and they’d wind up inside the house. I talked to him about this though, and he says he understands that I don’t want them in the house so I think we are on the same page. 

Again, thank you everyone for your advice!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Prodigal said:


> MIES FOR PRESIDENT!!!
> 
> And an added thought for OP: In the time it took you to write the post about our husband's inability to properly care for the cats, you could have:
> 
> ...


In the time she took to write it, she also could have brushed the cats and cleaned their catbox - or ordered one of the electric catboxes (I have one and I never even look at it but once a week). The thing is, the case is clear - you don't like your stepchildren.

That said, your compromise is decent. Not fair, in my opinion, but better than getting rid of them. If they are declawed, please don't make them outdoor cats, though.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

I'm happy for you that you could reach a compromise. That's the important thing; your relationship with your husband. I'm sure you're going to continue to get responses from people trying to send you on a guilt trip about your solution. Hope you ignore them, you are not wrong for not wanting them in your house. Your situation has changed drastically from when you first lived with them. I'm willing to bet there's not a person trying to guilt you that has cared for twins, let alone twins and a toddler at the same time.

I'm pretty OCD myself and just reading your post about the cats getting on your counters and licking your food makes me queasy. And yet my home is filled with love joy and laughter with a healthy dose of mayhem that kids 1, 2 and 4 bring. Can you imagine that! A clean house and happy kids at the same time!

I really really do want a dog though but hubby and I can't agree on anything about the dog except that we both want one so we will have to put it off until we can work something out.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I love how people worry so much about the cats’ stress and being traumatized, and seem to disregard the stress caused and daily PITA piled on the OP by these cats.

I get that cat owners think their houses smell fine and are totally clean, and cats are zero trouble and never touch people’s food and fur is no problem.

Reality: they do get fur everywhere, people CAN smell the cats in your house but won’t say anything, and they do get into everything including food—- they’re animals.

Great job OP in discussing this with your husband and coming to a fair compromise.

I just want to reiterate that your feelings regarding cleaning, your new house, and your children— regarding the cats—- are totally justified. And that animals in the house are great for some people, whereas others find it disgusting. Neither are wrong.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

well, the cats were there first. I personally think the OP should put up with them for another couple of years or when they'll cross the rainbow bridge. I don't think it's fair on your husbands and the pets, dog included. I know how bad it can get. I have 5 cats and never wanted one particularly. There is fur everywhere and 2 tend to wee everywhere because they are neurotic... do I want them? No. But I agreed when we got them, so I put up with it.

Finally... keep two elderly cats in a garage? Doesn't seem very charitable to me... :smile2:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My two dogs create TEN times the fur balls in this house than my two cats ever did. And I don't have to let the cats in and out of the house 4 times a day like I do with the dogs. The bottom line is this - she isn't a cat person. Her husband is. She tries to pretend she 'became' a cat person because she allowed a stray to stay, which is very different from going out and choosing another cat. OP sees doing things 'for' and 'about' cats as onerous because she doesn't really like them, while the things she has to do for her dog are mentally invisible to her because she likes dogs.

That said, kids change everything, especially twins. What I see as the REAL issue here is that she's stuck at home with 3 babies/toddlers while her husband is practically nonexistent, she has no control over that, her resentment at her lot in life is growing, she admits herself she is OCD - which is a whole other issue in itself, and things are only going to get harder as the kids get older. Throw in the fact that they obviously have no time to act like adults and 'date' so as to keep the love alive, and it's typical that she's honing in on one of the things that she CAN control and that she has no emotional connection to: the cats. 

I agree, it's hard to train cats, especially when they're 10 years and older. But she could still do it with a simple spray bottle filled with water. If she wanted to. It only takes a couple weeks with a spray bottle and they're done jumping on counters.

My take is that this is just a symptom of an increasingly unhappy household - not only on HER part but also on HIS part (he's working his butt off, gets no down time, and now the one thing from his past that gives him comfort is given short shrift like his comfort doesn't even matter?)...I just don't see this turning into a happy marriage down the road. SOMEthing has to change, be it bringing in a part-time helper or a cleaner or a babysitter so the adults can go no dates...the cat issue is just a symptom of an unhappy, overstressed couple.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> well, the cats were there first. I personally think the OP should put up with them for another couple of years or when they'll cross the rainbow bridge. I don't think it's fair on your husbands and the pets, dog included. *I know how bad it can get. I have 5 cats and never wanted one particularly. There is fur everywhere and 2 tend to wee everywhere because they are neurotic... do I want them? No. But I agreed when we got them, so I put up with it.*
> 
> Finally... keep two elderly cats in a garage? Doesn't seem very charitable to me... :smile
> 
> Wow.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> In Absentia said:
> 
> 
> > well, the cats were there first. I personally think the OP should put up with them for another couple of years or when they'll cross the rainbow bridge. I don't think it's fair on your husbands and the pets, dog included. *I know how bad it can get. I have 5 cats and never wanted one particularly. There is fur everywhere and 2 tend to wee everywhere because they are neurotic... do I want them? No. But I agreed when we got them, so I put up with it.*
> ...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Why??????????????

It seems illogical to me.
They’re just animals. Not exactly sentient creatures


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Why??????????????
> 
> It seems illogical to me.
> They’re just animals. Not exactly sentient creatures



I hope the real animal lovers don't read this... :smile2:


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> Why??????????????
> 
> It seems illogical to me.
> They’re just animals. Not exactly sentient creatures


I must be confusing you with a poster who I was thinking is a teacher.

It's obvious that you have never been owned by a Siamese cat.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> Why??????????????
> 
> It seems illogical to me.
> They’re just animals. Not exactly sentient creatures


Mies begs to differ. We left him alone for a few hours and he was the devil upon return. He has needs like others in the family. He provides much needed emotional support. And he's a late night study buddy and grading assistant. 

Most animals will give back what you give them.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Seriously , I’ve never seen that kind of things with cats..... dogs, yes....

I’m right and you cat people are wrong.

Can’t you just accept that?😋


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

@john117 is correct. A purebred Maine **** often thinks it's a dog. Granted, cats approach humans differently than dogs. A dog wants to join YOUR pack, a cat ALLOWS you to join his/her group (called a "clowder").

I owned a purebred Cornish Rex cat. The cat was leash trained at 10 months. When I snapped my fingers, he would jump from the floor right into my arms. He came when called (and not just when I was opening a can of tuna).

Yes, I love dogs, having owned a B-Frise. Yuki (Japanese for "snow") needed to be walked first thing in the morning and immediately after dinner. He went to obedience school. He was a great little dog. But there was more "maintenance" involved with him. 

Cats get a bad rap. If they are socialized as kittens, they can actually become rather dog-like. 

There are people posting here who obviously specifically hate cats and relegate pets to a less-than status. Fine. But don't start ragging on those of us who don't feel the same way about it. Seriously.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

turnera said:


> My two dogs create TEN times the fur balls in this house than my two cats ever did. And I don't have to let the cats in and out of the house 4 times a day like I do with the dogs. The bottom line is this - she isn't a cat person. Her husband is. She tries to pretend she 'became' a cat person because she allowed a stray to stay, which is very different from going out and choosing another cat. OP sees doing things 'for' and 'about' cats as onerous because she doesn't really like them, while the things she has to do for her dog are mentally invisible to her because she likes dogs.
> 
> That said, kids change everything, especially twins. What I see as the REAL issue here is that she's stuck at home with 3 babies/toddlers while her husband is practically nonexistent, she has no control over that, her resentment at her lot in life is growing, she admits herself she is OCD - which is a whole other issue in itself, and things are only going to get harder as the kids get older. Throw in the fact that they obviously have no time to act like adults and 'date' so as to keep the love alive, and it's typical that she's honing in on one of the things that she CAN control and that she has no emotional connection to: the cats.
> 
> ...


My wife adopted a cat who was untrained and about 8 years old. She developed a technique of treating him like a kitten and trained him so well, he was a different animal.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Animals see us as the alpha and that's the way they want it - protection, safety, attention. If you give them simple rules and do it correctly - yes, even cats - they will happily comply if that means everything else falls into place. Just like parents with unruly kids, it's not the kids' fault they're unruly: it's the parents not knowing how to do it correctly. I laugh when people complain about cats on counters, because that's simply THE easiest thing to control with cats.

Prodigal, my dad had two Siamese cats whom he trained on leash; he and his wife took them all over the country in their RV; they walked with the two of them just like dogs would - but without all the hassle of dogs. When my dad died, my stepmother took them to the vet and had them put to sleep. Never even ASKED us if we would take them. 

btw, when cats pee in the house and not in their catbox, it almost always is an act of defiance. A F-U to the owner for some unperceived issue. Unless they're just stupid like my one cat that peed on our piles of dirty clothes. He was just too stupid to know any better.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

turnera said:


> Animals see us as the alpha and that's the way they want it - protection, safety, attention. If you give them simple rules and do it correctly - yes, even cats - they will happily comply if that means everything else falls into place. Just like parents with unruly kids, it's not the kids' fault they're unruly: it's the parents not knowing how to do it correctly. I laugh when people complain about cats on counters, because that's simply THE easiest thing to control with cats.
> 
> Prodigal, my dad had two Siamese cats whom he trained on leash; he and his wife took them all over the country in their RV; they walked with the two of them just like dogs would - but without all the hassle of dogs. When my dad died, my stepmother took them to the vet and had them put to sleep. Never even ASKED us if we would take them.
> 
> *btw, when cats pee in the house and not in their catbox, it almost always is an act of defiance. A F-U to the owner for some unperceived issue*. Unless they're just stupid like my one cat that peed on our piles of dirty clothes. He was just too stupid to know any better.


You cat lovers are NOT building a good case for allowing cats in one’s house!!! Geez, they sound even more horrible than I think...
🤮🤪


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Nice try. Of the 100 or so cats I know, I can't even count 2 who pee in the house. I know of one, and that was my cat of 45 years ago. My dog, on the other hand, is constantly being put in his kennel to try to 'train' him not to poop in our house when we're gone. At least once a week. If she wasn't 125 pounds, I'd leave her there during the day to try to teach her to control herself.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Just make sure that your husband cares for the cats while they reside in the garage, not you. If he can go to the other house every day to feed and water them, he can do the same at your home. He should also give them love and attention since they really won't be getting any because they will be living in the garage. While this arrangement certainly is not the best, I do think it is good you were able to compromise with him. I also like the idea of heated cat houses in the garage. I do worry, though, that they will not be getting love and attention. I think you should be prepared for the possibility that they will howl and make a bunch of noise In the garage.

I think there is a lesson in here for you, OP. From your husband's responses during your last conversation, it appears as though you are not as communicative with him as you should be. It sounds like he feels you went to the other side of the spectrum with regard to the cat issue. All of a sudden it became a huge issue for you. Please accept my apology if I am incorrect here. But from the outside looking in, that's what it looks like.

Best of luck with this arrangement, I hope it all works out.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

turnera said:


> Nice try. Of the 100 or so cats I know, I can't even count 2 who pee in the house. I know of one, and that was my cat of 45 years ago. My dog, on the other hand, is constantly being put in his kennel to try to 'train' him not to poop in our house when we're gone. At least once a week. If she wasn't 125 pounds, I'd leave her there during the day to try to teach her to control herself.


I think I know what your problem is: you don't know if it is a boy dog or a girl dog.:grin2: That's what happens when you pick a unisex name.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I think at night I would put the younger cat in the garage, too. It might miss his/her playmates.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> I think at night I would put the younger cat in the garage, too. It might miss his/her playmates.


Mies requires a designated sleep buddy... The suggestion above is great. Just make sure the place is reasonably well heated and cooled...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

turnera said:


> Nice try. Of the 100 or so cats I know, I can't even count 2 who pee in the house. I know of one, and that was my cat of 45 years ago. My* dog, on the other hand, is constantly being put in his kennel to try to 'train' him not to poop in our house when we're gone. At least once a week. If she wasn't 125 pounds, *I'd leave her there during the day to try to teach her to control herself.


I hope you know I’m just teasing you cat lovers to an extent.... I don’t care who has cats in their house as long as it’s not me.

My case is for NO animals in the house, including dogs (and I am a dog “lover”).

You guys are building my case with every list for why I don’t like animals in the house and why I’m on OO’s side I’m not wanting them in the house.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Evinrude58 said:


> My case is for NO animals in the house, including dogs (and I am a dog “lover”).
> 
> You guys are building my case with every list for why I don’t like animals in the house and why I’m on OO’s side I’m not wanting them in the house.


I bet you've never seen a dog hanging helplessly from a rope strung over a tree because some sick jerk decided it would be fun to let the poor animal swing in the breeze. I have. It made the local news here. The owners? Well, they wanted fido to run free and feel the breeze in his fur. Yep, that innocent creature got to feel the breeze in its fur and then some.

There was also the case of a little dog who was running loose in the neighborhood and some kids thought it would be "fun" to beat the dog with a baseball bat. The dog lost all use of its hind legs. Today that dog runs inside a fenced-in yard with a wheel contraption that enables it to have full range of motion.

Cats? Why would I ever let my cat outside, given the large feral population that carries feline leukemia?

It's a sick, f-uped world in which we live. And there are plenty of loons who have no issues with harming animals.

THAT is why my pets go outside with a leash only. And they WILL be with me, safe and sound, inside my house.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Our cat cost more than a MacBook pro... No outside for him but cat TV and plenty of wildlife to keep him busy is a must.

I wonder how many no pet people wear shoes in the house...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Evinrude58 said:


> I hope you know I’m just teasing you cat lovers to an extent.... I don’t care who has cats in their house as long as it’s not me.
> 
> My case is for NO animals in the house, including dogs (and I am a dog “lover”).
> 
> You guys are building my case with every list for why I don’t like animals in the house and why I’m on OO’s side I’m not wanting them in the house.


Fair enough. My case was that she's willing to get rid of the cats because she's not GETTING anything from them. That's supposed to be the reason we get pets - they make us happy to see them, pet them, let them pet us. So, to her, they literally are her stepchildren. Especially when it's cat people vs dog people. My H tolerates my cat but he'll never love her like I do. Just like I like his dogs but I'll never be as dedicated to them as he is.Then again, I'd never make him kick them out of the house.


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

We sometimes think animals are stupid. We are the stupid ones.

https://weloveanimals.me/cat-sees-h...o-and-cant-hold-it-in-when-he-sees-the-video/


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

@september_sky


When you leave the cats in the garage please be careful.

When it gets cold, or even if it isn't, cats will climb up near the engine to stay warm. Cats crave warmth. You might have noticed how they seek out sunpatches to lie in.

If the cat is in the engine somewhere, they will get mangled when you start operating your car. This happened to a cat of a close relative of mine: she was *devastated*. You might not be devastated if this happened; but your husband might be. Plus that would be a ghastly death for the poor cat.

______________________________________________

Glad to hear from all the animal lovers on this thread. But @Prodigal and @Curse of Millhaven especially; you guys rock. I was feeling sick reading some of the posts, so it was good to hear from other members of the tribe.:flowerkitty:


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I was thinking about this thread, and I was reminded of my childhood. I had a beautiful little dog named snowflake. She was a poodle pekinese mix. I loved her dearly. When I was 4 we adopted my little brother. He had a lot of health issues and had pneumonia a couple of times. When he was 2 or 3 years old, they finally got to the bottom of his problem. He had lots of allergies and severe, life threatening asthma. The dog was one of his biggest triggers. I remember my parents taking me for a drive and telling me how sick snowflake was making my little brother. They told me that my little brother and snowflake couldn't live in the same house because of his sickness. They pretended of course that the decision was up to all of us and gave me the chance to give some input. I remember thinking really hard and then deciding that we should probably keep my brother and gif snowflake away lol. I'm fairly certain that's what was going to happen anyway haha. We ended up at a toy store, and they let me pick out a pretty stuffed dog. Obviously the stuff dog was not going to replace snowflake, but it soothed me a little bit. The next week we took snowflake to another family. I'm wondering how many people on this thread think my family made the right decision lol… I mean, after all, we did have the dog 1st…


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

notmyrealname4 said:


> When you leave the cats in the garage please be careful.
> 
> When it gets cold, or even if it isn't, cats will climb up near the engine to stay warm. Cats crave warmth. You might have noticed how they seek out sunpatches to lie in.


My outside cat did this, many years ago. Got fairly chewed up in the engine. 

I also backed up over an outside cat who was sneaking into the garage as I was backing out. He didn't make it. 

Why I don't have outside cats anymore.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> I'm wondering how many people on this thread think my family made the right decision lol… I mean, after all, we did have the dog 1st…




The dog would have to be kept outside in a well insulated shelter??? The parents would have to walk it and give it exercise??

But that wasn't necessary since a (loving?) home was found. The ideal situation.

Not OP's situation. This is more a matter of who will provide the care for the cats since OP is finding it to be overwhelming and not worth it because they are older.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Why??????????????
> 
> It seems illogical to me.
> They’re just animals. Not exactly sentient creatures


To some people yes, they're "just animals", but to some, they are family members and are treated as such.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> @john117 is correct. A purebred Maine **** often thinks it's a dog. Granted, cats approach humans differently than dogs. A dog wants to join YOUR pack, a cat ALLOWS you to join his/her group (called a "clowder").
> 
> I owned a purebred Cornish Rex cat. The cat was leash trained at 10 months. When I snapped my fingers, he would jump from the floor right into my arms. He came when called (and not just when I was opening a can of tuna).
> 
> ...


I agree, and will say that I'm really not a cat person! I however, also own a pet care business, and some of my clients are feline, so really, I can't discriminate. I just choose to own dogs because I understand and get along with them better. I also agree that socialization at a young age for any animal is SO important. I have a good friend who has 2 cats that she got as kittens, and her cats act way more like dogs. They wag their tails, come when called and play fetch.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> I was thinking about this thread, and I was reminded of my childhood. I had a beautiful little dog named snowflake. She was a poodle pekinese mix. I loved her dearly. When I was 4 we adopted my little brother. He had a lot of health issues and had pneumonia a couple of times. When he was 2 or 3 years old, they finally got to the bottom of his problem. He had lots of allergies and severe, life threatening asthma. The dog was one of his biggest triggers. I remember my parents taking me for a drive and telling me how sick snowflake was making my little brother. They told me that my little brother and snowflake couldn't live in the same house because of his sickness. They pretended of course that the decision was up to all of us and gave me the chance to give some input. I remember thinking really hard and then deciding that we should probably keep my brother and gif snowflake away lol. I'm fairly certain that's what was going to happen anyway haha. We ended up at a toy store, and they let me pick out a pretty stuffed dog. Obviously the stuff dog was not going to replace snowflake, but it soothed me a little bit. The next week we took snowflake to another family. I'm wondering how many people on this thread think my family made the right decision lol… I mean, after all, we did have the dog 1st…


I'm a pretty big animal advocate, but I also think that life threatening asthma or allergies would take precedence. To me, life-threatening means that your adoptive brother would die just from being in the presence of Snowflake or any other dog. So, of course, it's better to save your brother's life and put your dog into a loving home. However, this is a VERY different situation than just inconvenience for a couple of years.


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