# Overwhelmed and feeling stuck



## mdion54650 (May 20, 2015)

This is my story. I met my husband when I was 17 online in a Christian chat room, I was in California and he lived in Wisconsin. We chatted a lot at first, then it became daily. We talked for hours and would stay up all night about everything and anything. Meanwhile I was in high school, then junior college and then college while he was working full time. After two years of talking all the time we met in person and were with each other intimately, it was his first time and my second time. He ended up moving to California when I was in college and moved in with me and we became boyfriend and girlfriend in real life instead of online relationship. Things were rocky and we had a fight and I told my two friends about us and then I told him to leave and move out, so he moved back to Wisconsin to live with his family. We got distant but then started talking again, then I was attached to him and told him we should be together again he said he would not move to Ca to be with me unless we got married so i said okay lets get married. He got a job right away and I was working part time while finishing college. I got married at 22 him at 24. He is my only relationship and I am for him as well. We lived in a tiny studio in California and just got by. I graduated college and got a good paying job and he was working as a manager where he quit after a year and a half to sell cars then he quit that job after six months because of the stress. My job was on the verge of being laid off, and he was unemployed so we packed our things and moved in with his mom and dad, in Wisconsin. He then got a good job as a manager so we moved out into a house, I got a job as a HR administrator and I quit it because the hours were too difficult. Things were getting harder at his job and talked about quitting it. As soon as he talked about quitting it, I started to have a mental break down. I could not sleep I started to have anger towards him and resentment for talking of quitting and taking us back to his moms house. My stress and anxiety went out of control to the point I took myself in to mayo clinic because I wanted strong meds to help me sleep. I got diagnosed with depression and psychosis. I was too much for him, and my parents flew me in to stay with them in CA. I lived with them for six months, my husband was scared of having me come back then one day he said I can come back. It has been 1 year and a month he is unemployed, he took care of me for a few months while i was mentally ill so for nine months he has been unemployed and I am mentally healthy. I have one full time job and a part time job and we are living at my mother in laws house. At this point, I am frustrated with his long term unemployment, I am questioning my mental well being for putting up with all this. What should I do? I do not know anyone else in WI except one girl from an old job who I had drinks with a couple of times. We had a talk last night and he says I am bratty, immature and spoiled and he thinks I am generally an unhappy person. I love my husband but I do not like his behavior and he is providing for me, taking care of me and I thought that is the role of a husband. At this point I can move out by myself into an apartment and consider legal separation and then divorce.... or get an apartment and pay for the majority of the bills while he works part time and goes to school. We come from very different backgrounds I was as he called spoiled... car, computer, private school, some college paid for, helped generally a lot more than him, he comes from a poor family and very little education, no college. I think I created a nightmare and now I have to figure out what to do. The answer should be simple but why does separation seem so hard if I feel so miserable. I do not want to be miserable all my life. I am 27 years old next month, we do not have any kids, he does not want kids and I do want kids, but not with him. I already feel like I have a kid, not a team mate. This sounds really sad but this last five years have been really hard and not getting better, to make things worse I come from a background where divorce is looked down upon since we go to a baptist church. Miserable all my life or find a way to find happiness without him is what I have to figure out. Perhaps I have a really low self esteem and a low self worth to have settled for so little. My mother and father warned me not to marry him I was rushing and too young they were so right. Will the pain ever go away? Please help me make the right decision. I don't want to stress myself out too much where i can't sleep again and end up in the mental institute and drugged off meds but I don't want to settle for a bad life. Any advice on where to start? All we have is a truck that is financed I make the payments on it and a storage unit full of furniture. Please respond and I will do my best to take proactive action in a healthy direction. I asked him to go to counseling he does not want to.


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## eheigl (Sep 19, 2014)

"Get out of here and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened." — Don Draper


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

mdion54650 said:


> This is my story. I met my husband when I was 17 online in a Christian chat room, I was in California and he lived in Wisconsin. We chatted a lot at first, then it became daily. We talked for hours and would stay up all night about everything and anything. Meanwhile I was in high school, then junior college and then college while he was working full time. After two years of talking all the time we met in person and were with each other intimately, it was his first time and my second time. He ended up moving to California when I was in college and moved in with me and we became boyfriend and girlfriend in real life instead of online relationship. Things were rocky and we had a fight and I told my two friends about us and then I told him to leave and move out, so he moved back to Wisconsin to live with his family. We got distant but then started talking again, then I was attached to him and told him we should be together again he said he would not move to Ca to be with me unless we got married so i said okay lets get married. He got a job right away and I was working part time while finishing college. I got married at 22 him at 24. He is my only relationship and I am for him as well. We lived in a tiny studio in California and just got by. I graduated college and got a good paying job and he was working as a manager where he quit after a year and a half to sell cars then he quit that job after six months because of the stress. My job was on the verge of being laid off, and he was unemployed so we packed our things and moved in with his mom and dad, in Wisconsin. He then got a good job as a manager so we moved out into a house, I got a job as a HR administrator and I quit it because the hours were too difficult. Things were getting harder at his job and talked about quitting it. As soon as he talked about quitting it, I started to have a mental break down. I could not sleep I started to have anger towards him and resentment for talking of quitting and taking us back to his moms house. My stress and anxiety went out of control to the point I took myself in to mayo clinic because I wanted strong meds to help me sleep. I got diagnosed with depression and psychosis. I was too much for him, and my parents flew me in to stay with them in CA. I lived with them for six months, my husband was scared of having me come back then one day he said I can come back. It has been 1 year and a month he is unemployed, he took care of me for a few months while i was mentally ill so for nine months he has been unemployed and I am mentally healthy. I have one full time job and a part time job and we are living at my mother in laws house. At this point, I am frustrated with his long term unemployment, I am questioning my mental well being for putting up with all this. What should I do? I do not know anyone else in WI except one girl from an old job who I had drinks with a couple of times. We had a talk last night and he says I am bratty, immature and spoiled and he thinks I am generally an unhappy person. I love my husband but I do not like his behavior and he is providing for me, taking care of me and I thought that is the role of a husband. At this point I can move out by myself into an apartment and consider legal separation and then divorce.... or get an apartment and pay for the majority of the bills while he works part time and goes to school. We come from very different backgrounds I was as he called spoiled... car, computer, private school, some college paid for, helped generally a lot more than him, he comes from a poor family and very little education, no college. I think I created a nightmare and now I have to figure out what to do. The answer should be simple but why does separation seem so hard if I feel so miserable. I do not want to be miserable all my life. I am 27 years old next month, we do not have any kids, he does not want kids and I do want kids, but not with him. I already feel like I have a kid, not a team mate. This sounds really sad but this last five years have been really hard and not getting better, to make things worse I come from a background where divorce is looked down upon since we go to a baptist church. Miserable all my life or find a way to find happiness without him is what I have to figure out. Perhaps I have a really low self esteem and a low self worth to have settled for so little. My mother and father warned me not to marry him I was rushing and too young they were so right. Will the pain ever go away? Please help me make the right decision. I don't want to stress myself out too much where i can't sleep again and end up in the mental institute and drugged off meds but I don't want to settle for a bad life. Any advice on where to start? All we have is a truck that is financed I make the payments on it and a storage unit full of furniture. Please respond and I will do my best to take proactive action in a healthy direction. I asked him to go to counseling he does not want to.


Depression and anxiety are real things to deal with and they don't need to have a cause in our lives to be there. That said, it seems like you where driven to a lot of mental issues through your despair over the marriage. 

You need to understand that nothing changes in your life unless you yourself get busy changing it. Believe me I can relate to your pain and the desperation of staying with something that is not right but not wanting to quit or feeling like it would be wrong to quit. But you need to take care of your own mental health.

One of the worst things we can do to ourselves is lie to us and tell ourselves that things are "fine" when they are not and eventually it melts down. If not like it happened for you then in some other way.

Also, try putting some paragraph breaks in your posts as it makes them much easier to read.

I hope you are saying with your own therapy through this. That is very important.


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