# Wanting to be alone for a few hours?



## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

What would everyone think if their SO told them they wanted some time to themselves for a few hours?

If they wanted to go do something by themselves for part of the day?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You bet! Hubby even gets the weekends during hunting season. 

In all seriously I love my time alone too, which hubby respects. I've always been that way ever since I can remember. I'm not a social person either. My youngest child is the same way as I am.


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

My h, at this moment, is taking time out for himself. He's target shooting in the back bush. Actually I encourage my husband to take time out for himself....it gives me a chance to breath and do the things I like to do.
Heck....I even encouraged him to buy a motorbike so he could bike with his bil and friends down to the states.


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## iBolt (Aug 28, 2012)

Absolutely nothing wrong with it at all. For me, it is something that drives my stbx wife crazy. She cannot understand why you would want to take time out from the one you love. In her mind, it should be the opposite. 

For some people such as myself, we enjoy the tranquility that alone time gives. It is time to cool off after or before a row, it's a time to get one's head together. BTW - time spent at work is not alone time...just saying 

This is one of the reasons I have issues with the 5 Love Languages. It describes quality time with spouse as one of the 5 LLs but nothing about time alone/space as a way of giving to your spouse. I think we should get a petition going so that people don't think folks like us are some kind of social misfits


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Only problem I'd have is if it were too frequent or if I hadn't seen him in a while.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

As long as there is a good balance between work, couple, family and personal time.. I think it's healthy to get some time by one's self.

How much time do you spend on each of these weekly?


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Everyone needs to get away once in a while...Target shooting, tending flowers, trout fishing reading a book, putting on the headphones and a Rodriguez album.......Just a brief mental health moment.....Remember one persons loneliness is another's solitude....And sometimes I just enjoy my own company.....

the woodchuck


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

No problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

If I don't get my alone time, I get snappy & crabby.
Sometimes I want to watch whatever I want on TV, read a book, do laundry, or do whatever I want without having to entertain another person.
The husband needs his alone time as well & when we come back together, we're refreshed & eager to share one another's company.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

It is normal and very much needed for many people. I have no problem with asking or giving alone time.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

My hb has season tickets to a particular college football team with his friend and I can't wait for it. It gives me some good alone time and alone with kids time, though it does mildly irritate me that our schedule has to revolve around its schedule all season, every year. Oh well, could be worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Happens all the time. Maybe a little too much.


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

Alone time it's a must. Time to just think, space out watching the clouds, or the wind rustling the leaves, and just not have to worry about someone else's needs.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

I think its too general of a question. Obviously your asking cause you have a concern, why do you have that concern? 

Has there been some issues developing lately? Has your spouse indicated recently she's unhappy? Are you unhappy, or think theres issues in the marriage?

Generally, no asking for some space in normal, but why do you think asking on a website to ask that question, is my question.


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

Alone time is good as long as its not taking over time with the family. In my mind, it is the first thing to go if schedules get tight. My mother actually used to get up before anyone else in the house just to have alone time. I always thought it was strange growing up, but now I see that it actually benefits you to just be comfortable with yourself and do whatever it is you want to do. Plus, you might miss your partner after that much wanted me time.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

My wife used to be ok with me going places alone, and then I started stealing her pain killers and cheated on her ea. She has a hard time trusting me still. I have not made it easy for her, and but I am trying to stop the lies and deception. I she deserves better. Should I push her to start trusting me again?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JWilliams said:


> My wife used to be ok with me going places alone, and then I started stealing her pain killers and cheated on her ea.


How long ago was the last time for each of these:

When was the last time you stole her pain killers? (or used other drugs not prescribed to you or illegal drugs?)

How long has it been since she discovered the EA?

how long has it been since you actually ended the EA?




JWilliams said:


> She has a hard time trusting me still. I have not made it easy for her, and but I am trying to stop the lies and deception. I she deserves better. Should I push her to start trusting me again?


You are still “trying to stop” these bad behaviors? So you are still doing them?

Your original post on this thread was deceptive because you left out some extremely important details. You wife has good reason to not trust you when you take time for yourself. Since you said that you are “trying to stop”, it means that you are either still lying, etc, or that you do not trust yourself to not do these bad behaviors.

You cannot push your wife to trust you. It does not work that way. The only way she will ever trust you again is if you turn over a new leaf and become a trustworthy person.

So what have you done so far to prove to her that you can be trusted? What changes have you put in place for new boundaries and behavior changes?


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

JWilliams said:


> ........... I have not made it easy for her, and but I am trying to stop the lies and deception.


"trying to stop"??? No. You either DO IT, or don't. You're either still lying to her & decieving her... or You make a commitment to her to be open & honest & you STOP the deception, the stealing, anything even remotely suggestive of an ea. 



> I she deserves better. Should I push her to start trusting me again?


No. Any pushing on your end will be suspicious that you are trying to hide something again. She has to come to terms & trust you on her own. If you're not worthy of being trustworthy.. then guess what... she aint gonna trust you. 

She's been bitten & should be doubly shy of anything you say or do.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Yeah, by all means push her to trust you". Or do her a big favor and divorce her so she can find somebody decent. Geez.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

With a comment like "push her to trust you" you sound like you have a choice in the matter, you don't. Only she can decide if she can trust you again, talking about it means crud, actions speak 10x louder than words. put up or shut up.


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## Is It Just Me (Sep 8, 2012)

Im getting whiffs of trolling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

I love my alone time!! Although, when my step kids are not around its lonely as my fiance works long hours so I get enough alone time. I find that we have a nice balance.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

justdance4me said:


> I love my alone time!! Although, when my step kids are not around its lonely as my fiance works long hours so I get enough alone time. I find that we have a nice balance.


I think you did not read "the rest of the story" that he posted.


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## Spinner (Jul 26, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Yeah, by all means push her to trust you". Or do her a big favor and divorce her so she can find somebody decent. Geez.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now that's not even cool. Didn't you watch Bambi? If you don't have anything constructive to say, keep it to yourself.

To OP: You can't make someone trust you, you have to earn it. And if you're trying to earn it back after shattering it like you've described, it will take a lot of time and follow through on your part. As I'm sure you've learned our actions have consequences and this is one of them. Your wife will start to trust you and let you have alone time as you show you are taking responsibility and getting your life straight. Best of luck to you.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

JWilliams said:


> My wife used to be ok with me going places alone, and then I started stealing her pain killers and cheated on her ea. She has a hard time trusting me still. I have not made it easy for her, and but I am trying to stop the lies and deception. I she deserves better. Should I push her to start trusting me again?


This right here would ruin the trust in my marriage for good. I'd divorce and talk to the lawyer the following day I found out.

How can you think it's okay to be so selfish? Do you know you can ruin your wife's chance of ever getting help for her physical pain which is absolute hell to live with every second of your life. The doctors will list her as the drug addict and blacklist her from other doctors. Why would you jeopardize someone's life like this? Unreal. Plus the EA. 

My husband and I tell each other the truth. Without trust, there is no marriage.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

I want to clarify. I stole her pills for about 6 years, but I have stopped. I haven't done it for about 90 days maybe a little more. I am trying to be transparent.

It was not a real "EA" in the sense, it was just a Sexting affair that lasted a little over one month. We exchanged sex images, but I wasn't in love with the affair. 

The affair was 2-1/2 years ago. I haven't stolen any pills or lied to her in the last 90 days.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> How long ago was the last time for each of these:
> 
> When was the last time you stole her pain killers? (or used other drugs not prescribed to you or illegal drugs?)
> *around 90 days,, maybe a little more*
> ...


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I am wondering what is it that you want to do during this alone time?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

90 days for stopping the drug stealing and lying are a drop in the bucket.

Your sexting affair is a real affair. But you minimize it. It takes 2-5 years for a BS to recover from an affair. And that's if the WS can win back the trust. You have not.


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## OlderAndWiser (Apr 17, 2013)

JWilliams said:


> What would everyone think if their SO told them they wanted some time to themselves for a few hours?
> 
> If they wanted to go do something by themselves for part of the day?


Happily married for almost 43 years. My wife and I both agree that some "alone time" is essential for each of us.

We are at the point where the children are all grown and gone, and we are both retired. To be honest, its not good to be together 24/7, at least in our situation.

But even before this point, we allowed each other to have separate interests and spend time alone.

Of course it should go without saying that "alone time" should never involve an opposite sex third party. That's playing with fire.

The key is balance. If "alone time" starts to exceed "together time", you are heading for trouble.

Just my two cents.....


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> 90 days for stopping the drug stealing and lying are a drop in the bucket.
> 
> Your sexting affair is a real affair. But you minimize it. It takes 2-5 years for a BS to recover from an affair. And that's if the WS can win back the trust. You have not.


Given the extra context to your original post, I think you should be asking your wife what it would take for her to be able to trust you enough for this. She might also not have an answer for you and there is not much you can do except to demonstrate trust via all or your actions for a good long time. Ninety days is nothing...


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