# I Need Help. I can't do this anymore.



## MKSICav27 (Apr 9, 2011)

So There is no way of explaining everything here, but I just want someone to help me decide what to do from here.
My husband and I have been married going on 3 years now (we have been together for 8 years) and we have two absolutely amazing children (2 year old daughter and 8 month old son).
My husband truly is an amazing person-- he is wonderful with the kids. He plays with them, teaches them all sorts of things about life, is just a natural father. 
And he is a good husband-- he tells me all the time that he loves me, thinks I'm beautiful, always trying to make moves on me, and never lays his eyes on any other girl.
But we get in fights ALL THE TIME, and he is a spiteful grudge-holding person. Nothing I do ever seems to be the right way of doing things. I am a VERY laid back person-- I don't like to exercise, I like watching my Grey's Anatomy at night, I cherish sleep when I can get it, and I am very relaxed with our kids. I like to talk to them, read to them, just be easy with them-- because I figure they get so much stimulation when they are around my husband that they might just like hanging out with Mommy. 
Anyway.... it's really hard to explain without sounding like the bad guy here-- but basically I feel like he MAKES me feel like a bad parent. A bad parent, bad person, too emotional and “hormonal”. He makes me feel like total crap. Anytime I don't feel like talking he just huffs around and complains that I must be tired or hungry or high on hormones because I'm in a bad mood. He doesn't understand-- no matter how many times I tell him-- that I am not as excitable as him and that SOMETIMES I can just be in a quiet mood or a bad mood for no reason! DOES ANYBODY ELSE FEEL LIKE THAT?

I guess my struggle with him is that the things he says to me are just plain judgmental and rude. He said yesterday because I was not talkative that “it must be that time of month. I can tell.” We got in a HUGE fight about me turning off his alarm clock because he thinks that I am trying to sabotage him going to work so that I can complain about it later like it was his fault. I was, in reality, turning off his alarm clock so he could get more sleep because he is always complaining about how little sleep he gets.

He insists on changing the kids' diapers and giving them baths because I don't do it “soon enough” or supposedly I give them diaper rashes. So he ends up doing all the work-- changing diapers, giving baths, reading night time stories, doing the dishes-- all because he insists that they are done on HIS time schedule and I am too slow at getting started. But then he complains that I don't do anything around the house!

Anyway... things get really out of hand when we fight, and I just can't handle being not good enough anymore. And I tell him this, and he rebuts by saying he never says that I'm not good enough. It's not about WHAT he says... it's HOW he says things. Why does he not understand this?! I just can't deal with being told I'm a lazy bum who does nothing all day. I am a good mother and I am a good wife and I am a good person... all of which he doesn't seem to show. He says I am... but his actions say differently. I feel so lost and alone and I don't know where else to turn. I don't think this marriage will last... but I don't want the kids to be away from him.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I think you are married to what sounds like a control freak. My dad was like that and eventually he drove a wedge between me and my mother. He felt he was the superior parent and that my mom was too stupid to do anything right. The fights just got worse until my mom caved and just checked out. She then started taking out her frustrations on me. I'm in therapy now dealing from all this and am estranged from both parents (12 years now).

My best friend married a control freak too. She stuck it out and had 3 kids. Yet she now has PTSD from all that her husband has done to her over the past 10 years. She's recovering but it took her kicking him out last year that motivated him to change (he's now on meds which seem to be helping).

You could try reading book on how to deal with controlling people for some tips. My mom never stood up to my dad (neither did my best friend) so the behavior was allowed to escalate.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Sorry popped into the ladies one as looking into insight for myself and this one caught my eye. I became a control freak during my marriage. I never was one never wanted to be one but due to a lack of proper communiation on both sides myself or my soon to be ex could never express what we felt/thought.

In my personal case I wanted the wife to stand up to me. It felt like I was carrying all the baggage. In my head I would think baby's crying but I am a little busy atm honey could you check on the kid, what came out of my mouth was"hun your turn on the baby...pause....get up with a grunt and just do it myself.

Now I don't know the exact circumstances in your case. Your husband might be a straight control freak jerk,or it could be a lack of communication skills. I would suggest you bring up to him that it seems like you guys are having trouble communicating and that you think a marriage workshop or some marriage counciling would be a good idea so that your marriage stays healthy and strong. I know in my case it would of done a world of good if we would of went in when the problems first started being noticed.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Ahh yes. Control freak coupled to a martyr complex. Are you sure he's not my mother in law? Either of his parents drunks, BTW? Probably a care giver to siblings when he was a child himself.


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