# Need to vent: 2 years later and still torn



## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

It's such bull****. She has no idea what I am going through.

-First she gives me an ultimatum to marry her or stop dating because she thought I was using her for sex. I marry her. So in love with this woman. She says she wants kids with me. I was so happy. Our relationship seemed to be awesome!! Still to date the most beautiful woman I've ever been with. The chemistry, the signs from above, everything just seemed so magical. I did everything for this woman. 

-Then 2 years later she says she is unhappy. Brings up the most ridiculous **** ever as justification. I offered we take counselling together. She says okay and lets continue with the purchase of the house.

-3 months in while cleaning I find needles in the backyard. I warn her. She freaks out and that night moves in with her friend. Says she needs space. She never told me about her moms side of the family. My guess is that she was a junkie.

-Admits to cheating on me and can't live with the guilt via a 12 page letter. Destroys my self-esteem and self-worth. Admits to being madly in love with a man she met before me. Admits to being raped and abused and having an abortion and that's why she had intimacy issues with me and forced me to use condoms during sex (which led me to resenting her) Well ****, don't you think it would have helped for me to know that? All this time I had no idea she was traumatized and blaming her for being hyper-sensitive, then when I'd go to talk to her and find out she'd pretty much just run away. I was constantly kept in the dark about her feelings because apparently I was unapproachable and always on my computer...but I wasn't...No sense talking to this girl. 

-Basement floods. It looks like it's from the water softener not properly draining. I fix this with my dad after painfully removing spray foam installation.

-After her trip to NY that summer she decides to give it one more chance. We both apologize to each other about everything and make amazing love on the couch. It had to have been real. I write a list of things for us to work on. By the end of the weekend she still did nothing, and gave me **** for breaking something I wrote. Come home from work she's 95% moved out. One of those people who does everything her way or no way. I am so confused and alone. 

-She quit her job, moved provinces and cancelled her phone number. Officially no way of communicating with the person I love the most in the world. She just, disappears. 

-My emotions were high. I emailed her begging. No answer. Then a few days later I have a friend proofread an email confirming the divorce details. Hit send. No answer from her part. I accept the situation and start working on my life. That was the last email I sent, basically outlining how the divorce was going to go. She was usually very reactionary. I can officially tell she's given up on talking to me. I am left feeling like selfish bad guy and it's all my fault.

-Basement floods. This time it's from the spring melt and the window frame is rotten... Dry wall is all moldy and ruined. 

-Friends and family are hard to talk to. They all saw divorce coming. How does that make me feel? Sad, hopeless, defeated, angry. All this time everyone has been voting against me. Against us.

-Have to supplement an extra $1200 to make ends meet. Can't afford the place on my own. I look to fill two spare rooms and find one renter. 

-3 months later, the guy leaves because he is one of the most wanted GHB manufacturers in Canada. Great. Found out by a lovely knock on the door from the Feds. 

-No luck finding a renter for the same price. Lowered my rent per month request.

-Find another renter. Seems nice. Weeks roll by and I realize he has anger issues. Every time he drinks he gets really angry. After the third time of coming home to cops in my front year, I kick him out. He punches a hole in my wall. He was very hostile and I was scared of him. 

-Found the ultimate tenant. Rarely home and pays rent on time. Finally. He's cool. No probs with him. 

-Found another renter. Seemed nice. Few months go by, he gets behind on rent. Then I get a knock on the door from a guy stating he owes him for coke money. The guy admits to a drug problem. The guy then says he is going to rehab, but he doesn't give proper notice so I don't refund him his monthly rent. He gets mad. I watched him leave, changed my locks, locked everything and left for work. Come home, he broke in and stole some ****. File a police report. 

-Nearly $5000 later the divorce is nearly complete. I am completely broke. Borrowing money from my parents and barely making it paycheque to paycheque. Haven't heard from the ex-wife in 2 years. House defaults to me, but what difference does it make. House gets appraised and is worth over $40,000 less because the market went down. Great. 

-Find another renter, this time it's a friend. Officially gave up on randoms. He says he likes to play music with his band and asks if he can play in my basement if he lives with me. I say sure. Moves in. Turns out to jamming everyday, leaving his bong outside my house, cramping my space, not cleaning...He's young, so I expected some adaptation, but not this much. I lay down the law and so far things seem to be ok...but I got really mad after I came home one day and all my guitars were out of tune, amp tube was popped and basically all my **** was touched without my permission. Not happy. And he doesn't clean his hair every morning from the sink. Tired of cleaning up after him. 

-Spent countless hours with my friend destroying the deck so we can access the window, replacing the window frame, reinstalling a new window, grading the entire backyard, installing a window well and waterproofing it...$5000 later. Few days later we get a flash storm. Basement is flooded. Urgh...Now it's for sure the foundation. On the side that it floods is the zero-lot line. There's not even enough room to have a bobcat come and dig up the foundation to skin it and fix the crack. Only other option is to sell the place, take a loss, or install a sump-pit and pump and keep working on renos and living paycheque to paycheque. I have no idea what to do with the house as it looks like the flooding will continue forever. 

-Cleaning my desk and playing guitar, looks for lyrics, I stumble upon her old letter. Didn't take long to start crying again. I miss her so much. I loved her a lot. She has no idea how much I feel. 

-Dating life is ****. Constantly rejected for the most superficial crap ever. Finally meet a nice girl. As I lay and cuddle with her it just wasn't the same. I just knew I wasn't ready for another love. I won't be ready for years it seems, but at least I accept reality now. At least my life is moving forward, I actually have relationship boundaries now (I never did) and I know for a fact I am worth a lot more than my ex-wife projected. Could be worse I guess. 

-Exhausted from all the house repairs and renos. I have no life. 

-My computer had crashed last year and I lost all the photos of her and I. It's literally like there's a hole in the timeline of my life. All the best times I had with her...gone. 

The past two years have been hell. I've taken intensive therapy to learn and grow from my mistakes. Got back into exercising, dancing and kept myself busy. Met a ton of amazing people and if it weren't for the divorce I wouldn't have learned so much about myself and about women. I know everythings going to be okay, but just because of how everything ended, I feel so unheard. I never got proper closure. .

Thanks for reading or not. Just needed to get that out.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Dude make this into a book and you will make millions. The part about the bong had me rolling. I actually read the whole thing.


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Hang in there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Wow, that's some timeline and grief right there, hope you continue on your positive path, with the worst behind and the best to come.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Prag.... I own a rental duplex. I can SO relate to the headaches of tenants. As for upkeep on a home,

if it isn't one thing, it's another. But with your WAW... you did everything you could....

you left it all on the field. You can walk away with no regrets.

Just to clear your mind..... what would your response be if she just happened upon your doorstep

this coming August 10th?


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

Tough to read...my sympathies.

Just a question though...did you fall in love with the way this girl looked or who she was?

I ask because she sounds pretty wretched and lousy.

Sorry about the house...that sucks.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I got rejected by the supermodel I'm entitled to for the most the most superficial crap ever. 

Sorry, couldn't help myself. 

But seriously, aren't you the who's always talking about how important appearance is and how you're entitled to get what you want? Why is a woman not entitled to her own standards?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Chuck71 said:


> Just to clear your mind..... what would your response be if she just happened upon your doorstep
> 
> this coming August 10th?


Great question.

I've thought about this. There is no reason for her to come back at all or even visit. If she did come back it's because her life went downhill and I am some sort of plan C...and having said that I would say: 

"Wtf are you doing here? Do you have any idea what you put me through?" and if she discounted my emotions in ways she previously had (proving that she has not changed) I would straight up tell her to F off and slam the door on her. 

Although it seems like that is a reactionary and emotional response, the reality is that it's not, and I would purposely be a **** to her. She wasted my time, my money (oo I forgot to mention she stole $18,000 from my bank account before she left) and disrespected me, my friends and family. And I know I wasn't stubborn or hard to talk to. 

If she acknowledged my emotions like the grown up I'd hope she'd blossom into, I might briefly check up on how she was doing, invite her in for tea but nothing more then that. I highly doubt that would happen. My guess is she'd come, crying because her alcoholic dad passed away from a failed liver and she has noone else to go to or talk to. Serves him right; I told him outright several times he drinks too much. Nope. Sorry. I am no longer your emotional punching bag. Take it somewhere else. Take it to the guy you had an affair with. I've been stomped on, disrespected and hurt far too much from her. 

As bad as it sounds, I would treat her like a typical business deal. The fact is, I've wasted enough time and money with her and the potential return on any future investments are minimal and thus make for a highly risky venture. 


@lifeistooshort "I got rejected by the supermodel I'm entitled to for the most the most superficial crap ever. 

Sorry, couldn't help myself. 

But seriously, aren't you the who's always talking about how important appearance is and how you're entitled to get what you want? Why is a woman not entitled to her own standards?" 


I don't blame you for not helping yourself. Supermodels? Nah. I'll take a super-hippy though . 

I said two things in different posts in different contexts... but I will clarify just cuz': 

1) I was tired of unattracting unhealthy fat people. I understand that's over 30% of America now. Lol. 

2) I am a firm believer and supporter of meritocracy (yes it's a word!). You deserve what you put in. That's my own belief and you certainly don't have to agree. 

Women are certainly entitled to their own standards. I don't have a problem with that. In fact I applaud our modern society for our efforts towards gender equality and the destruction of sexism. 

I have a problem with a person who toys with hearts, revokes love based on superficial reasons, steals, lies, cheats and then leaves like a lazy coward because it was easier for her. 

I am certainly better than those who do that, and I certainly deserve better than that. 

Then & than: I apologize for the grammar. I forget which is which.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Dude start a blog you are hilarious


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