# Feeling inferior



## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

I will admit that I was extremely sexual with my husband in the first few years of marriage. I will also be honest and say it was when I felt I had something to prove. I wanted my husband to remember me... When he saw other women. I didn't like it when I felt he was checking out other women, I wanted him to have the best wife. 

Then after so many times of being let down (outside of the bedroom) I got to the point where I could care less if he was sexually happy. For YEARS he never even tried to please me in bed. In fact all he wanted was to give me a handjob after getting hot and bothered. He liked touching my chest and then wanted me to help him get off. He didn't care about me...

After therapy he seemed to improve. I told him these things. It's been more than a month since we've had sex. The last few times he approached me in a closet for a quickie. For some reason all he wants to do... That's pretty much the last time he even tried touching me. The closet was actually a HUGE upgrade from our previous attempts. He is just all about him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you want to do it more. ow it makes you feel when you don't. And how you want him to be more...generous/giving in the bedroom. that if he did, it would make you feel much more happy.


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## letstalkbaby (Aug 8, 2012)

Maybe when he initiates you should lead him to the bed and make him wait and tell him what you want in those moments. Yes I agree some men are pretty selfish in that way, maybe most. 
I have learned men like to chase...and we women sometimes get tired of leading them on a chase. Maybe some men don't really know how to please a woman so they just use the tools they have. We want them to be the romantic and loving most times. 
In the beginning you felt you had something to prove, he did as well. But now you both probably became comfortable. Maybe you need somemore of those good old days of going on dates and makeout sessions or a mini vacation. 

He probably felt rejected when he attempted so maybe that's why he hasn't touched you for fear of rejection again. 

And as far as men looking at women I understand how that feels as well. They don't always meet our expectations but at least he participated in therapy which shows he is willing to try. 
I know it is hard to keep the passion and I completely understand.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Read her other threads. Her marriage is beyond awful and talking won't help anything.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

It seems our intimate life can be a looking glass reflection of the rest of our relationship. The quickies are not bad but if they are the whole of it, the intimacy is shallow. This would happen for us when we are chasing kid obligations as fast as we can go and sharing "passing" conversation.

On the other hand the deepest, most intimate sharing for us would happen on a weekend, out of town having spent several days hand in hand and experiencing new things together. And of course, having the kinds of deep conversations that that kind of comfort can make possible.

Two working spouses tilt things so the shallow is the default and the deep is what we night to fight for.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

It seems our intimate life can be a looking glass reflection of the rest of our relationship. The quickies are not bad but if they are the whole of it, the intimacy is shallow. This would happen for us when we are chasing kid obligations as fast as we can go and sharing "passing" conversation.

On the other hand the deepest, most intimate sharing for us would happen on a weekend, out of town having spent several days hand in hand and experiencing new things together. And of course, having the kinds of deep conversations that that kind of comfort can make possible.

Two working spouses tilt things so the shallow is the default and the deep is what we need to fight for.


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## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

Sorry I actually meant to post in response to my thread. Instead I started a new one. Sorry!

But since you mentioned it cre8ify... What do you and your spouse consider "deep" conversation. I often wonder how the other half lives. Politics and religion are the 2 things that my DH loves to fight/talk about. 




Cre8ify said:


> It seems our intimate life can be a looking glass reflection of the rest of our relationship. The quickies are not bad but if they are the whole of it, the intimacy is shallow. This would happen for us when we are chasing kid obligations as fast as we can go and sharing "passing" conversation.
> 
> On the other hand the deepest, most intimate sharing for us would happen on a weekend, out of town having spent several days hand in hand and experiencing new things together. And of course, having the kinds of deep conversations that that kind of comfort can make possible.
> 
> Two working spouses tilt things so the shallow is the default and the deep is what we night to fight for.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

Human relationships. True happiness by serving others and living outside in. Sharing our gifts. Advocating for our children. Encouraging each other through trials. Sharing dreams for our next chapter of life. Our extended family dynamics and challenges...ugh. Being the sometimes weak and certainly flawed people we can't show anyone else. Supporting each other through the conflict-ridden process of raising successful children. Faith...and how ours has been badly shaken by the abuse of autocratic power and men behaving badly. New dog-eat-dog social dynamics when there is not enough income security to go around. A loving relationship and how it is moved forward, or dragged backward, by each and every exchange. The paralysis of fear. Polishing future experiences with Anticipation. Being hopeful about a future that is mostly, and thankfully unknown. And me...constantly linking intimacy as the foundation beneath the rest of it!

A few in common with religion and politics. Politics is no longer any fun as it is too polarized so I have pulled out.


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