# Don't know what to do.



## aabina5 (Jun 30, 2008)

I am 26 and have been married for almost 5 years. I pushed us to get married and I think it might have been the biggest mistake of my life. I have changed so much and don't know the person I have become. I used to be thin and now I am not happy with the way I look. I have had three kids and with each of them I gained weight and never lost it. I am depressed. I have anxiety. I have been a stay at home mom for the last 7 years. I am bored. Lonely. I tell him how I feel and he just yells at me like I shouldn't feel this way. So about a year ago I started writing to my ex boyfriend. He was a big part of my life for so long, so I just needed someone to talk to. So we kept exchanging letters and I didn't tell my husband. He found one. Now he's depressed and blames me for everything. I didn't cheat on my husband, just needed a friend who knew me before I lost my self esteem, someone to talk to who knew me when I was happy and loved life. I'm afraid to get a divorce cause where would I go? I don't work so I don't get money. And every time I need money I have to ask him. And then he asks why do I need it, what am I getting. I am tired of being treated like i'm nothing. I have 3 kids and just graduated from college. I worked my ass off to graduate and I get nothing from him. He expects me to just be home all the time. He don't understand that I am home all the time and sometimes I just want to take the kids places. I need more with my life. I have lost myself. Its not just him either. When I met him he smoked weed and lied to me when he told me he stopped. So that makes me have more insecurities. And then there is family. He don't like mine and I don't like his. But my family moved out of state. So now I am stuck with his. Things just keep getting worse for us. I sometimes just want to end my life. But then I think of my kids. Everything is always my fault. He don't take any responsibility. Then the only way he wants to talk about our relationship is through texting through our phones. He won't talk to me about it in person. I'm just done. Thanks for listening.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

aabina5 said:


> I sometimes just want to end my life. But then I think of my kids.


I have been here. The best advise I can give you from experience is to get professional help. Your post has many signs of depression and although I never went on medication, I was able to get through it on my own with the help of a counselor.

You may feel like you are stuck in a situation that you are not happy in, but you really do have choices on what to do from here. Whether it's getting a job outside of the home to give you some financial freedom or doing things to get back in shape and help your self-image issues, talking with a counselor may help you to see past today and have something to look forward to. I know it all seems bad at the moment, but most of the things you list can be changed. I think you would benefit from counseling to help you sort out your thoughts and changing your situation for the better.


----------



## aabina5 (Jun 30, 2008)

Thanks for your input. I have applied to many places. But no one is hiring for what I went to school for in this town. My husband refuses to move. I have looked in other towns and states and so many places are hiring for what I do. Then for the the losing weight i was going to Curves, but he decides to work all the time so I dont have a babysitter to go.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

People can and do recover their self esteem. While you are busy at home with the kids try and find time to work on yours. Weight loss would be a good area to start with. Get some exercise DVD’s and work out at home. Weight loss and physical appearances can be one of the easiest issues to address and once you start to see positive changes your motivation will improve as well as your self esteem. Although not the best form of communication he seems to be comfortable with texting. Use that as your tool to try to get him to understand how unhappy you are. Build on that medium and maybe he will be more comfortable in discussing issues face to face. He needs to understand your pain and insecurities and his actions are compounding the problems. Also get out of the house whenever possible to have some time for your self. Best of luck.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Wow! You have accomplished a lot! You managed to get thru college with three young children. That's something to be proud of.

I'm not sure seeking out your old boyfriend is a good idea right now. That could cause problems later. Do you have any family to lean on? I find my family really keeps me going. Did you make any friends while taking college classes? Those could be helpful too. That's a good connection for networking to possibly finding a job.

Hang in there!


----------



## Josh (Jul 4, 2008)

I m so impressed from what you achieved. I dont know many moms who could have done that.

I personally believe that a woman can make her man do what ever she wants - its in our nature to comply and satisfy our women 
You just need to be smart when doing it and it seems like you are very smart. What would i do?

1. Set some boundaries - after all a man is a grown child and everyone needs boundaries - by boundaries i mean one evening a week to spend quality time together, one evening a week when he babysits the kids and you have time for your own etc.

2. Improve the communication between you - you must somehow make him understand as much as possible what is your situation and what do you need from him. Most husbands i met were happy to do as they were told - problem is no one told them nothing.

I dont know if it would work for you but i guess it is worth a try.
Just my $0.02 and let us know how it goes.


----------



## aabina5 (Jun 30, 2008)

I've tried telling him what I need from him and he gets all defensive . I try and talk to him face to face but then he walks away from me then later texts me. I am tired of talking to a phone. What our biggest problem is, is family. We have fought over family the last 6 years. I don't like his, he don't like mine, even though mine has never done anything to him. I just think he don't like mine cause I don't like his. 

I have started taking the evenings when he gets home from work to start walking or riding bike. That makes me feel good. Just to get out of my house without the kids or him. But I don't know how much more I can take. I'm worn out. Being home with three kids 6, 5, and 3 is exhausting. They wear me down. Then when he gets home, he takes me down even more.


----------

