# Having problem with my husband



## 2ndand2nd (Feb 10, 2021)

I don't know It's a big deal or not...
It feels like he doesn't wanna having sex with me 😓 He tells me He is tired and last time when we kissed he puked I felt so humilated We have 2 years old son amd I know I am not atractive at all But also It hurts me so much And I am trying my best.. Coming soon Valentine day s
And I prepared gifts almost spend my half payroll to him But he gave me like chocolate... Is it me??? Am i like bad person who doesnt appreciate her husband??? In self depence It's not the first time... when we were dating he said it's coming soon our 100th day and I thought he might be celebrate it since he mentioned it. But when that day comes Its only me who prepared gifts and prepared myself. I was so disappointed. Even I told him Its our special day So I might be late /I gave him time to prepare something... But he doesnt/ After marrige when his birthday, I gave him his wanted gift. But in my birthday he didn't prepared something just told my sister prepare and I will give money. When I came home he was drunk and gave me flower. That time I felt I am nit worthless..
Every time he tells me It's my first time no one cared about me like that... Maybe I am expecting to much from him.
it's not the worst one. Always argue and fights front our son. And our son ignoring It. When i see our son I felt sorry. I think we are bad parents
Even I told to my husband I want to take a break or talking about divorce
He tells me No he wont. I think he is afraid that what people will talk about him since we are working same place
I dont know What should I do? And I cant tell it to someone Since we are still living together and he is my son's father. Why I am so stupid? who is waiting for his caring and love? Why i feel like he doesnt love me? 
ps Sorry my poor English


----------



## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Have you discussed this with your husband?


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

If he pukes when you kiss him and it's not because he drank too much then it's not a very good sign.


----------



## 2ndand2nd (Feb 10, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> Have you discussed this with your husband?


Yes usually Sometimes I am afraid I might hurt him


----------



## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

2ndand2nd said:


> Yes usually Sometimes I am afraid I might hurt him


How does he respond?


----------



## 2ndand2nd (Feb 10, 2021)

Trident said:


> If he pukes when you kiss him and it's not because he drank too much then it's not a very good sign.


Maybe I am too sensetive He is big eater and it happened after while he ate And I told him my opinion and how I felt... He said I misunderstood him as always


----------



## 2ndand2nd (Feb 10, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> How does he respond?


he depen


Torninhalf said:


> How does he respond?


He depence himself as always He said that I misunderstood him But I told him that dont to that when you saying something like tbis showing act like this I felt so humilated and like feels my heart broking


----------



## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Perhaps y’all can see a therapist to help you communicate better?


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Throwing up after kissing anyone seems extreme. If he says you assumed the wrong thing, I'd probably trust that. I've kissed dudes and not thrown up. 

If he's never been affectionate or a gift giver, then you can't suddenly expect him to change. Maybe read "the 5 Love Languages" or at least do the online quiz. We don't all express and feel love the same ways. Marriage counseling could help with communication and learning to show love in the ways you both need.


----------



## 2ndand2nd (Feb 10, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> Perhaps y’all can see a therapist to help you communicate better?


I want but he wont He said I am the crazy one I am too sensitive And I told him that I wanna see doctor If it's me But he doesn't let me cause I am disrespect his name.. He said something like this and he warned me don't piss off him or he would be angry and might hurt me


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

2ndand2nd said:


> I want but he wont He said I am the crazy one I am too sensitive And I told him that I wanna see doctor If it's me But he doesn't let me cause I am disrespect his name.. He said something like this and he warned me don't piss off him or he would be angry and might hurt me


I change my stance. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but nope, he's just an asshole.


----------



## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

2ndand2nd said:


> I want but he wont He said I am the crazy one I am too sensitive And I told him that I wanna see doctor If it's me But he doesn't let me cause I am disrespect his name.. He said something like this and he warned me don't piss off him or he would be angry and might hurt me


He might hurt you? Well that’s completely unacceptable. I think perhaps you should seek help from family or friends?


----------



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Can I ask where you live? How common is divorce in your culture? If he's threatening to hurt you that is very bad. Stop getting him gifts and preparting nice things for special occasions for him as a start. If he's not willing to do nice things for you, stop doing them for him. 

I think you would benefit from some therapy even without him. Not with the intention to "fix" you as a spouse, but to help you understand the best ways to deal with the situation you are in right now. 

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. _hugs_


----------



## 2ndand2nd (Feb 10, 2021)

I am from Mongolia and divorce is common thing in my opinion.
I know that I am not perfect person I know also he is not... And I know our way loving each other is different. I know that I am expecting too much from him sometimes /like sex gift even kiss hug something little sign that he cares me or loving me/
And I know that I love him. when I see him I feel butterfly and smiling every moment. But when he ignores me my feelings hurt and my heart so broken. And that thing poisoning me from inside every time again and again And its getting worse. I told him about this feeling And begged him stop It its getting worse But he ignores it
When we argue he pushes me and punch door desk Its creeps me out like he might punch me
And I even told his family and their respond were like he was nice boy how could he changes like this? It felt like Its my wrong my husband turned like this


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

2ndand2nd said:


> I don't know It's a big deal or not...
> It feels like he doesn't wanna having sex with me 😓 He tells me He is tired and last time when we kissed he puked I felt so humilated We have 2 years old son amd I know I am not atractive at all But also It hurts me so much And I am trying my best.. Coming soon Valentine day s
> And I prepared gifts almost spend my half payroll to him But he gave me like chocolate... Is it me??? Am i like bad person who doesnt appreciate her husband??? In self depence It's not the first time... when we were dating he said it's coming soon our 100th day and I thought he might be celebrate it since he mentioned it. But when that day comes Its only me who prepared gifts and prepared myself. I was so disappointed. Even I told him Its our special day So I might be late /I gave him time to prepare something... But he doesnt/ After marrige when his birthday, I gave him his wanted gift. But in my birthday he didn't prepared something just told my sister prepare and I will give money. When I came home he was drunk and gave me flower. That time I felt I am nit worthless..
> Every time he tells me It's my first time no one cared about me like that... Maybe I am expecting to much from him.
> ...


A lot of guys are no good at all at giving gifts. My dad wasn't the worst, but like my mom said when he brought the box of chocolates, he would be the one to eat most of them (and me!). 

That's not your main problem. If you really think he's lost attraction for you and is only staying because of your work situation, you need to be the one to file divorce. Who cares what the other workers think. Not their business. You can get a family law attorney and paying for it comes out of the divorce settlement. They can advise you and take care of things. 

He must have thought you were attractive at some point or he wouldn't have married you. It's entirely possible the problem is on his end. Maybe he has some erectile dysfunction happening and doesn't want to talk about it (a lot of men don't talk about it). Maybe he is tired of you. Maybe he is slowing down sexually. I can't imagine him throwing up had anything to do with kissing you. Or he wouldn't have kissed you to begin with. 

You need to stop blaming yourself though. He is who he is and you are who you are. He married you willingly, I assume, unless yours was an arranged marriage, in which case I expect there will be pressure to stay. I mean, let's say he's not as attracted to you now. Well, you're not supposed to marry someone JUST because you're attracted to them. You're supposed to care something about them too. 

You should ask him why he wants to stay together and if he says work, tell him that's not all up to him. But don't fight because he's a crappy gift giver.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

2ndand2nd said:


> I am from Mongolia and divorce is common thing in my opinion.
> I know that I am not perfect person I know also he is not... And I know our way loving each other is different. I know that I am expecting too much from him sometimes /like sex gift even kiss hug something little sign that he cares me or loving me/
> And I know that I love him. when I see him I feel butterfly and smiling every moment. But when he ignores me my feelings hurt and my heart so broken. And that thing poisoning me from inside every time again and again And its getting worse. I told him about this feeling And begged him stop It its getting worse But he ignores it
> When we argue he pushes me and punch door desk Its creeps me out like he might punch me
> And I even told his family and their respond were like he was nice boy how could he changes like this? It felt like Its my wrong my husband turned like this


You need to leave this man. You said it yourself, he is physically abusive and is getting worse. He clearly won't get help so at this point there is no choice really. You need to leave.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You say that divorce is a common thing in Mongolia. Can you explain this further?


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

It sounds like you are a giver. You spoil him, and you show him your love by doing all these nice things for him. He is clearly not a giver. Not all people are. Maybe if you stopped giving him so much, you won’t be as mad when he doesn’t give.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

There’s nothing wrong with you, he is a jerk and a dud.


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I agree with reading about the love languages.

I am one of the rare women married to a man who loves giving gifts and going all out for anniversaries, even the sales assistants tell me so, it’s very very rare for men to do this. But he’s not very affectionate, and isn’t a wordy man. So sometimes two people want different things and you won’t always get what you think is important.

Observe and watch your husband, he might be showing his love in other ways? Imagine yourself in a group of female friends, what nice things would they say about your husband?

For example, my friends complain they don’t get gifts or nice birthdays from their husbands and they tell me how lucky I am, but I would tell one friend, ‘wow you’re so lucky, your husband goes everywhere with you!’


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Sorry I just saw the above post you said he was physical, that’s not nice. And it’s not nice his family seems to blame you. he changed and got physical because HE changed. Nobody can make you punch walls, he can find other ways to deal. 

I assume in your culture maybe it’s not Christian? so divorce is not considered a sin.

I have many friends who are Islamic, so both women and men are protected by extended families, and when a marriage is not working, the families step in and welcome back their children & don’t let problems escalate, they simply recommend divorce and moving on.


----------



## 2ndand2nd (Feb 10, 2021)

manfromlamancha said:


> You say that divorce is a common thing in Mongolia. Can you explain this further?


I don't know the statistic or index
There is lots of women who raising their children alone or living with their second life.
I heard and wathch news and their life turned wrong Like abussive harassment And I know lot's women going trought something like this life. They are fights argue and some of those people were dicorced half of them didn't cause he/she doesnt wanna hurt thear children.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

2ndand2nd said:


> I don't know the statistic or index
> There is lots of women who raising their children alone or living with their second life.
> I heard and wathch news and their life turned wrong Like abussive harassment And I know lot's women going trought something like this life. They are fights argue and some of those people were dicorced half of them didn't cause he/she doesnt wanna hurt thear children.


Staying for the children isn't a good idea, especially in an abusive marriage.


----------



## 2ndand2nd (Feb 10, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Sorry I just saw the above post you said he was physical, that’s not nice. And it’s not nice his family seems to blame you. he changed and got physical because HE changed. Nobody can make you punch walls, he can find other ways to deal.
> 
> I assume in your culture maybe it’s not Christian? so divorce is not considered a sin.
> 
> I have many friends who are Islamic, so both women and men are protected by extended families, and when a marriage is not working, the families step in and welcome back their children & don’t let problems escalate, they simply recommend divorce and moving on.


when I said about him to my family. /actually he is not allowed to tell them he grabs my phone and power of it/ They said it is you who is careless. Maybe it's your wrong.. Hang on there because you have a kid. It's not easy single mother's life. Even there is a hard you have to be a still with him. Maybe he might change
I think they see him as a good person. Who is trying to live with me. It feels like he is a good actor. He is caring me beside my family and friends


----------



## 2ndand2nd (Feb 10, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> I agree with reading about the love languages.
> 
> I am one of the rare women married to a man who loves giving gifts and going all out for anniversaries, even the sales assistants tell me so, it’s very very rare for men to do this. But he’s not very affectionate, and isn’t a wordy man. So sometimes two people want different things and you won’t always get what you think is important.
> 
> ...


he shows his love when he drunk But I dont like him when drunk /he was a nice person when we were dating like he cares about me when I am sick he was taking care of me Even he waited me 3 hours we walked together 2 hours and i think he cared me lot/
ok lets calculate:
24h-sleep 8h=16-work 8h=8h he likes his job +1~2h=6h and usually he met with male coworkers and its zero hour to me and to our son. /usully it 3~4times week but thankfully covid dont let them met/ Then he come home he also works
I tried to like him I mean I want to meet myfriends or coworkers. He doesnt like that I am going out. he said he will find who with me. And he will harass them if I am with man and if i am late. I just wanted to how I felt when he going out


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

So he’s a street angel and home devil. He’s putting on a good front and classic abusers are like this.

The victim tries to speak out and everyone says, no that’s not possible he/she is a wonderful person. It’s easier to believe that you are the problem.

But deep down I know behind a man like this, there were two passive parents that dealt with his behaviour in different ways and thought to themselves, one day he’ll be someone else’s problem

It’s why I am always suspicious of people who are so wonderful to me. And I will always believe someone when they tell me this person is horrible to his family at home. If he’s grabbing your phone he’s terrified of his good-man image.


----------



## 2ndand2nd (Feb 10, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> So he’s a street angel and home devil. He’s putting on a good front and classic abusers are like this.
> 
> The victim tries to speak out and everyone says, no that’s not possible he/she is a wonderful person. It’s easier to believe that you are the problem.
> 
> ...


I said him our relationship is so broken. Seeing your acts it might be end worst way. I am afraid that you might hurt me. And you are pullind down me not physicaly but mentally harassing me. He said before I wont do that again I understand what I did /now he doesnt care he is yelling it's not my fault Its your fault/ but every time its getting worse. He is becoming not only bad husband also becoming bad dad. When he angry with me, he angry to our son also.
I dont understand why he cant leave us.


----------



## 2ndand2nd (Feb 10, 2021)

bobert said:


> Staying for the children isn't a good idea, especially in an abusive marriage.


I am afraid he and his family might take my son from me. financily his family better than ours


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

2ndand2nd said:


> I am afraid he and his family might take my son from me. financily his family better than ours


Does that frequently happen in your country, or is it just a fear?


----------



## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

You want your husband to show you that he values you and part of that is from receiving gifts and words of adoration, that is simply how you feel wanted and it is not what you are getting. Can you tell your husband what is important to you and explain to him how you feel when he gives you no gifts on special occasions? I would also encourage you both to read the book "Love Language," and if your husband does not want to read the book at least look up the quiz and both take it. It can be found by doing a Google search on the internet. You both can learn what language you speak and what is important to each of you.


----------

