# Polygraph tests



## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

How useful was if for you? (would like to know outcome if you can share)

How does that compare to being "Audited" by Scientologist machines? Asking this because I made the needle dance for fun...

I feel that the fact that I need one killed my relationship.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't believe in them. 

I would never ask for one. I would never take one that was required by a spouse - even if divorce was the option. I am undecided if I would take one for a security clearance for a job.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

In my younger days the company I worked for made everything from traffic lights to toasters and that included polygraphs. I can honestly say I could fool any polygraph machine in existence as could all my colleagues back then. 
The trick is in answering the initial questions that are asked by the testers when they are hooking up the machine and I don’t mean lying to them.It’s HOW you answer, not what you say that the machine is trying to judge.
If you could ask someone a few hundred questions with dozens of mundane questions thrown in then certain patterns may emerge. Problem is in infidelity cases you only get to ask four or five.
There is a German model that uses mri,cat scan,blood pressure monitoring,eye pupil monitoring and body temperature as well as skin resistance.It is supposed to be the most reliable one in production but it costs a fortune and is only used for top level security clearance and hundreds of questions are asked during testing.


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## Nrecnocymton (Jan 12, 2017)

I didn't personally use one, but my BF brother did. He 100% does not believe in them, but he didn't let his WW know his personal belief. He used it as a tool to extract more information. It wasn't HIS beliefs that got him what he was looking for, it was her belief in polygraphs that got him vital information he would never have uncovered otherwise. He made her go through with it, but it was the release of info she gave prior to the test that he wanted (and got). He never told her that he didn't give a rat's *** about the actual results.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

I encourage you to google the subject and make your own decision as to it's usefulness in your situation.
I've read where others paid around $400 for 4 questions. 

There's an open/current post where the husband is polygraphing his wife next week. Check out Today's Posts/Coping with Infidelity. I think the post subject is: Healing but hurting- wife confesses to EA from years ago (by Music_man)

Polygraph testing does not guaranty accuracy but is just one tool together with the facts plus your judgement to make a decision. 

"Proponents will say the polygraph test is about 90 percent accurate. Critics will say it's about 70 percent accurate," said Frank Horvath of the American Polygraph Association. 

Polygraph testing continues to be used in non-judicial settings: to screen personnel, assess the veracity of suspects and witnesses, and to monitor criminal sex offenders on probation. 

Polygraph tests are also used by individuals seeking to convince others of their innocence and, in a narrow range of circumstances, by private agencies and corporations.


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## Music_Man (Feb 25, 2017)

I fill you all in after the test next week. Check out my thread for more details.

I don't know if I believe in the science or not, but if she's willing to go through with it and doesn't give me a car or parking lot confession- that's what it's really for, in my case. I believe my W's story and I have the texts. This is just to make sure I'm not blinded by 'hopium'.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Music_Man said:


> I fill you all in after the test next week. Check out my thread for more details.
> 
> I don't know if I believe in the science or not, but if she's willing to go through with it and doesn't give me a car or parking lot confession- that's what it's really for, in my case. I believe my W's story and I have the texts. This is just to make sure I'm not blinded by 'hopium'.


Ok, obviously you don’t tell her you’re planning it until the last minute. If you think she suspects anything then check her search history for advice on trying to cheat a poly.
If she agrees to go through with it try thinking outside of the box. Don’t ask her has she had sex with anyone else but rather ask her how many men she has been intimate with since you started dating. Ask her has she touched any other penis besides yours since you were married. Ask her what if any birth control she used with her boyfriend. Ask her did she send him nudes or any of her underwear while she was cheating on you.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

I took one along time ago and the operator exactly told me which questions I lied about and which were truthful.

He was also accurate about why I failed the ones I did.

Supposedly they work well on people who are basically honest and have a sense of right and wrong.

Supposedly not so much on a psychopath who actually believes his own lies, so maybe less effective on serial cheaters?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Remember that at best they are measuring stress. So they can indicate what questions stress you, but that could be different from which questions you are lying about. 

I think the key question is if you asked your spouse to take a polygraph on whether they have cheated:

If it says they have now, will that eliminate all your suspicious if you had other reasons to be suspicious?
If it says that they have, will you believe that, even if you didn't have suspicions. 

Seems like it just provides confirmation bias to me.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Parasite said:


> How useful was if for you? (would like to know outcome if you can share)
> 
> How does that compare to being "Audited" by Scientologist machines? Asking this because I made the needle dance for fun...
> 
> I feel that the fact that I need one killed my relationship.


I agree with that. The fact that you needed one in the first place and the fact that you "made the needle dance for fun." in the second place indicates this relationship extremely broken.


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

To me, poly's serve more of an emotional barometer than necessarily being dependable in and of themselves. For example, if I were to ask my spouse to take one because I suspected her of betraying me, I'd expect a "sure, bring it on" answer. But if they balk, fuss about it for a week, visit websites about them... that's pretty much as good as a confession. Using the threat of one messes more with the mind than the actual poly.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

But not in my case. I'll divorce before I'll take a polygraph, despite having nothing serious to hide, and a firm belief that they are inaccurate. 

If the person I love has lost so much trust in me that they want a machine to verify my honesty - we're done. Same for VARs, or any form of active tracking. 




blazer prophet said:


> To me, poly's serve more of an emotional barometer than necessarily being dependable in and of themselves. For example, if I were to ask my spouse to take one because I suspected her of betraying me, I'd expect a "sure, bring it on" answer. But if they balk, fuss about it for a week, visit websites about them... that's pretty much as good as a confession. Using the threat of one messes more with the mind than the actual poly.


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## Music_Man (Feb 25, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> Ok, obviously you don’t tell her you’re planning it until the last minute. If you think she suspects anything then check her search history for advice on trying to cheat a poly.
> 
> If she agrees to go through with it try thinking outside of the box. Don’t ask her has she had sex with anyone else but rather ask her how many men she has been intimate with since you started dating. Ask her has she touched any other penis besides yours since you were married. Ask her what if any birth control she used with her boyfriend. Ask her did she send him nudes or any of her underwear while she was cheating on you.


Seriously had to laugh at the "has she touched another penis since we've been married" question. My W is an OR nurse with more the 15 years experience. She's literally touched a few hundred in that time frame- from shaving them in pre op, to assisting with circumcisions and cyst removal- yeah, she's touched a few. 

I have a very specific set of questions for what I need to be sure of. I'm already pretty confident of the answers, just making sure I don't get that parking lot confession. 

The poly itself isn't the be all end all either way- it's just another piece of the puzzle for me.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Nrecnocymton said:


> I didn't personally use one, but my BF brother did. He 100% does not believe in them, but he didn't let his WW know his personal belief. He used it as a tool to extract more information. It wasn't HIS beliefs that got him what he was looking for, it was her belief in polygraphs that got him vital information he would never have uncovered otherwise. He made her go through with it, but it was the release of info she gave prior to the test that he wanted (and got). He never told her that he didn't give a rat's *** about the actual results.


And *THIS* is the point I make over and over and over again when a BS asks for opinions about booking a poly for their WS. While you get the usual nay-sayers posting about how polys aren't accurate and they provide links to disprove a poly's effectiveness, etc. etc., I keep trying to impress upon the BS that the REAL effectiveness of a poly is the *intimidation factor*. 

Most laymen are not overly familiar with how a poly works, nor have they spent hours and hours reading documentation on the effectiveness of them or reading all the particulars about why they aren't allowed in court, etc. etc. Most folks have seen people hooked up to them via various wires and such, on talk shows and/or on Dr. Phil and have seen PLENTY of people exposed for their bad deeds on live TV when the results were revealed. Most of the time, these people are exposed for their lying and they often finally confess. Other more hard-core liars continue lying and claim the machine is 'wrong.' The point is, I think for the average person who is being told they're going to take a polygraph test, that's going to strike fear in their hearts _if they have something to hide_.

And that's why I *always* recommend a poly to a BS who is asking for opinions on whether it's a good move or not. Actually, what I always recommend is leaving a no good lying cheater, but that's not the crux of this thread. :grin2:

Quite honestly, the *odds* that your cheater is lying to you on D-Day and during the reconciliation that follows - and that he/she will CONTINUE lying to you until the day he or she dies - are very, very high. With a poly, at least you have a fighting chance of getting the truth out of them. Hard-core liars will *always *lie no matter what the poly shows, but the term "parking lot confession" came from _somewhere_, so there's definite merit to the argument that a scheduled poly *does* have value to a BS - intimidation.

Lastly, if you're considering having your cheater take a poly, don't be surprised when you see him or her Googling "how to beat a polygraph text" when they think you're not looking. :rofl:


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Music_Man said:


> I fill you all in after the test next week. Check out my thread for more details.
> 
> I don't know if I believe in the science or not, but if she's willing to go through with it and doesn't give me a car or parking lot confession- that's what it's really for, in my case. I believe my W's story and I have the texts. This is just to make sure I'm not blinded by 'hopium'.


Do *NOT* cancel the test no matter what she tells you beforehand!!!

If you get a parking lot confession, that just means that you got ONE meager bit of truth from her in the hopes that you'll cancel the test so she *doesn't* have to tell you all the other stuff she's still lying about!! You can assume you're *still* not getting 100% of the story even though she'll swear on your children's lives that you ARE getting the full story and she's not hiding anything else - "so you can cancel the poly now!" she'll tell you.

DON'T CANCEL THE POLY!!!

Cheaters lie. *They lie like rugs.*

Cheaters tell minimized versions of their dirty deeds because they'd much rather get in 'trouble' for having sex ONE time and for being involved with some guy for 'only two weeks' than admit the *truth* to you - that she had sex with him 358 times and it was over the course of 8 months. They also lie about having used condoms, they'll lie and tell you the sex 'wasn't good' even though it was supposedly only 'one time,' she'll claim she never screwed around with him in your family SUV, that she never had him at your house or in your bed, that he was hung like a hamster and he repulsed her, that sex with YOU is oh so special while it was yuck and icky with him, and the list of *lies* just goes on and on and on and on and on.

And on and on and on and on and on and on ..... 

And on.

Don't cancel the poly no matter how many white-washed 'confessions' you get from her before you throw her in the hot seat.

There's ALWAYS more to their story, Music_Man. There's always, *always* more.


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## Music_Man (Feb 25, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Do *NOT* cancel the test no matter what she tells you beforehand!!!
> 
> If you get a parking lot confession, that just means that you got ONE meager bit of truth from her in the hopes that you'll cancel the test so she *doesn't* have to tell you all the other stuff she's still lying about!! You can assume you're *still* not getting 100% of the story even though she'll swear on your children's lives that you ARE getting the full story and she's not hiding anything else - "so you can cancel the poly now!" she'll tell you.
> 
> ...


Oh, we're going through with it. It's nonrefundable at this post and I plan on getting my $$$ worth out of it. 

Based on the good evidence that I have and yes, my gut, I'm hopeful that this will actually go well.

I will not, however, be shocked if it goes south. I mean, I'm at the point where I've scheduled a poly, and it was scheduled for a reason. 

Thanks for the sound advice!


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Music_Man said:


> Oh, we're going through with it. It's nonrefundable at this post and I plan on getting my $$$ worth out of it.


Well consider yourself fleeced then. Since those tests are as reliable as having somebody in one of those shops that sell Celestine Prophecy books, give you a Tarot card reading.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I think a polygraph can have some value when dealing with a WS who has done the trickle truth thing, is evasive, if there have been children born during the time of the affair, etc.

I think making it some fast and hard requirement for every suspected adultery case is overkill. I also think that ultimately it is up to the BS. I roll my eyes when I see people on various site banging on about how someone ALWAYS has to do X or Y or their recovery isn't "real." It's like the scientology of marriage advice lol


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

uhtred said:


> But not in my case. I'll divorce before I'll take a polygraph, despite having nothing serious to hide, and a firm belief that they are inaccurate.
> 
> If the person I love has lost so much trust in me that they want a machine to verify my honesty - we're done. Same for VARs, or any form of active tracking.


That would lead me to wonder why she mistrusts me so much.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

My WH offered to take one numerous times in the year he trickle truthed me. At the time he offered he swore on his daughters eyes he "Never slept with that *****". Well...yes he did...in his car, my car, motels...I think he was so good at lying he knew he could pass it.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I would take a polygraph for a security clearance or to clear myself of some suspected crime.

However, under no circumstances would I take one at the request of a partner. Nor would I request one.

Once things have gotten to the polygraph point, I'm out. If I am so suspicious it takes a polygraph to restore trust in my husband, we are already broken. And if someone will not believe my innocence without a polygraph, I don't want him in my life. I don't do jaded, bitter cynics, and I won't pay the price for some previous woman's behavior....EVER


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

For me, if my wife asked me tomorrow to take one as she suspected me of cheating, I'd laugh (at the situation, not her) and then readily agree to take one. Then, after I passed it with flying colors, I ask her what has led up to this in her mind. What is she seeing that isn't there. Is there something I need to work on? Something we need to work on? Clearly, something she needs to work on. 

About 5 or 6 years ago I felt my wife was having a PA with another man. I had a lot of circumstantial evidence. Then I got it. The final nail in the coffin. Turns out I was wrong due to one of the biggest coincidences in the world.

But thru it all we discovered she was having a small EA. My wife, due to her upbringing and first marriage (deeply abused) is addicted to being validated and compliments. She is mid 50's and very fit. Smart as well (Masters Degree). It was painful, but we got it squared away.

Anywho, my thoughts on all this.


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## Music_Man (Feb 25, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> I would take a polygraph for a security clearance or to clear myself of some suspected crime.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I totally get this. In my case, however it's been 6 years since the EA ended and I'm just crossing everything off the list that I can...making sure her version of the events is what happened and not what she's made herself believe for six years. 

I believe my W, for what it's worth. I don't really believe in the science behind the poly though, but I do believe it would help coax out of her whatever, if anything, she might be holding on to. We'll see how it goes.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

What if you took it and failed? Even their proponents don't claim anything like 100% accuracy



blazer prophet said:


> For me, if my wife asked me tomorrow to take one as she suspected me of cheating, I'd laugh (at the situation, not her) and then readily agree to take one. Then, after I passed it with flying colors, I ask her what has led up to this in her mind. What is she seeing that isn't there. Is there something I need to work on? Something we need to work on? Clearly, something she needs to work on.
> 
> About 5 or 6 years ago I felt my wife was having a PA with another man. I had a lot of circumstantial evidence. Then I got it. The final nail in the coffin. Turns out I was wrong due to one of the biggest coincidences in the world.
> 
> ...


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

uhtred said:


> What if you took it and failed? Even their proponents don't claim anything like 100% accuracy


I wouldn't fail.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

nrecnocymton said:


> i didn't personally use one, but my bf brother did. He 100% does not believe in them, but he didn't let his ww know his personal belief. He used it as a tool to extract more information. It wasn't his beliefs that got him what he was looking for, it was her belief in polygraphs that got him vital information he would never have uncovered otherwise. He made her go through with it, but it was the release of info she gave prior to the test that he wanted (and got). He never told her that he didn't give a rat's *** about the actual results.


ye ole parking lot confession!


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Music_Man said:


> Oh, we're going through with it. It's nonrefundable at this post and I plan on getting my $$$ worth out of it.
> 
> Based on the good evidence that I have and yes, my gut, I'm hopeful that this will actually go well.
> 
> ...


Give her one chance in the parking lot to fess up.
She will....


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Polygraphs are not perfect - sometimes they will indicate truth when a person lies, and sometimes they will indicate lies when a person is telling the truth. 



blazer prophet said:


> I wouldn't fail.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Things I would never ask my suppose to do:

Take a polygraph
Visit a chiropractor
Get a tarot reading
See a craniologist
Go anywhere near a Scientologist
Have her palms read

Basically, they're all in the same category.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


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## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

Just read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/cczia2/parking_lot_confesdional/

Something about this doesn't sit right. I can't tell if the dis-ease is from within or something with the story.


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