# Am I allowed to have female friends?



## risotto20 (Mar 29, 2012)

I met my wife in the mountain west. We know live on the west coast where she is from. She has her family here and a network of friends...most of whom I like. The reality is I don't have my own friends here. Her uncle is my best friend here and my neighbor is my other friend and she is not even really a friend(we don't hang out). She is and has been upper level HR for her career and I have asked her advice on career changes and interviewing tips etc when I see her putzing around the yard. We talk about things we would like to do to our houses and such. I sometimes send her my update resume for her to review since that is her profession and it is nice resource to have. We did play golf once a few months ago and that is really the extent of our relationship. Over the weekend she texted me to use my gas can to fill her lawn mower since she misplaced hers. I brought it over and we chatted a bit out in the open area of her driveway. My wife came home and saw us chatting and came over and said hello and we all chatted for a bit. The next day my wife is convinced that something is going on between us. I told her about the golf the day before we went, though if you ask her she will tell you I did not. Also, my wife's mother passed away a few months back and my neighbor watched our dog for over week...pretty nice I thought. My neighbor is 7 years my elder and I am not attracted to her...period. My wife is stunning and stays in tip top shape. Look, I don't go out to bars anymore for fun. I stay at home and enjoy a glass of wine or something. In other words I don't meet anyone new. Honestly, this is the only neighbor of mine I have any dialogue with. Am I out of line stading my ground here to have one friend albeit a female?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

just call her your personal trainer and all should be ok


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

okeydokie said:


> just call her your personal trainer and all should be ok


:rofl:


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

There was a thread started in the General Section called *'Appropriate Boundaries with members of opposite sex' *by Riverside, it's back on page 4. I don't know how to link it here or anything fancy like that but it's good advice, so have a look.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

If I were you I'd look at this issue and ask myself "Why am I willing to potentially cause issues with my wife for this neighbor"?

- Am I attracted to her in some way?
- Is she giving me attention that I'm missing?
- Am I bored with my home life?
- Is this just another issue where I feel my wife is bossing me around?


I don't see how much you would have in common with an older unattractive woman. Not enough to where you are considering her a "friend" and willing to cause issues in your household. If your issue is making friends then go find a hobby and gather with others that are into that hobby.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Kobo said:


> If I were you I'd look at this issue and ask myself "Why am I willing to potentially cause issues with my wife for this neighbor"?
> 
> - Am I attracted to her in some way?
> - Is she giving me attention that I'm missing?
> ...


Even if this is the case, since it is bothering your wife, I would just curtail the friendship. Many of us know it doesn't take long for a relationship to change its course, no matter what the other person may look like! People fall into EAs over the internet, for the love of Pete!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

I think the issue is pretty well spelled out in your post. You don't have any friends, and those you do are your wife's family. You want to make some of your own, so your are perhaps grasping at anything, including a neighbor that you have some minor interaction with.

Get out and involved in some activities where you can make some real (male) friends. You are too dependent on your wife and her family and you need to make some friends of your own. Figure out some activities that you like and go do them. This will help you meet people and make friends.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Based on your other post, about your wife neglecting you and being verbally abusive, I say hang on to this friend. I wouldn't hang out there all the time and become besties or anything, but if your wife isn't acting right (which she isn't) it sort of kills any argument she has and goes along with her already ball busting ways. Didn't she accuse you of having an affair randomly when you all went out to a nice dinner?

Don't close your social circle for her insecurity if she's not willing to be the wife she's supposed to be.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

How does she go from chatting with neighbor in full view of everyone to an affair?

Your wife sounds very insecure and this sounds like HER problem not yours. She will probably be threatened by ANY friend you make male or female. My gut says she wants to control aspects of your life hence why your only friends are family members of hers. They are 'safe' and she approves.

I think you not only need to keep this friend but you need to get a job and make more.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Mavash. said:


> How does she go from chatting with neighbor in full view of everyone to an affair?
> 
> Your wife sounds very insecure and this sounds like HER problem not yours. She will probably be threatened by ANY friend you make male or female. My gut says she wants to control aspects of your life hence why your only friends are family members of hers. They are 'safe' and she approves.
> 
> I think you not only need to keep this friend but you need to get a job and make more.


Exactly.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I think you not only need to keep this friend but you need to get a job and make more.


Recipe for disaster. She may be out of line with the affair call, but if he wants to fight about this - him keeping this female "friend" when she doesn't like it, the outcome will not be good. Sure he can say hello, all those appropriate boundary things but his wife may be thinking she's out at work all day and what exactly is he up to. 

Issues in marriages can go up for debate, but friends with the opposite sex .. it can go wrong, so quick. This isn't one I would go to war for. By all means go out, make some male buddies. If she's not ok with that, then yes she is being controlling. But I wouldn't choose your neighbour next door as such over your wife. Let her have this call because it does have basis oppostite sex friendships, and will ease her mind. I don't know if she is controlling, but I would expect my husband to stop any female friendship I was uncomfortable with. Period. And ditto.


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## risotto20 (Mar 29, 2012)

Kobo, I am not willing to cause issues. Here's the reality though, I have been unemployed for 6 months. WIth the tweeks my neighbor has had me make to my resume recently, I all of the sudden am landing interviews. Without a career men lose their identity to some extent and I feel like garbage all the time. Is it unreasonable for me to think that my wife should understand my career affects her a great deal. I don't need this type of mental pressure of her accusing me of falsehoods right now. Her best friend is guy, I have known him for 5+ years and they went to grad school together. My wifes issue seems to be that since she(my wife) never talks to my neighbor something is going. Since I do everything around the house, obviously it makes sense that I would run into to my neighbor more often. I'm not sneaky, I check my texts in front of my wife..if she asks who jsut texted I tell her.


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## risotto20 (Mar 29, 2012)

Tall Average GUy, you know I have what I would call 'pals' here. I play in dart league around here and have met some dudes through that. But they are pals really and not people I am likely to have for dinner parties or whatever. The dart community or bars in general typically don't offer up the best caliber of people. Being unemployed I have had to shrink up considerably...no golf or going out for dinner, vacations, etc. I'm just bummed out in general and my wife's lack of tact with this matter and overall immature behavior doesn't help me at all.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

your wife sounds insecure. insist that she get some counseling, or be her b*tch. your choice.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

If she made my wife nervous I`d cut it off with her.


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

risotto20 said:


> I met my wife in the mountain west. We know live on the west coast where she is from. She has her family here and a network of friends...most of whom I like. The reality is I don't have my own friends here. Her uncle is my best friend here and my neighbor is my other friend and she is not even really a friend(we don't hang out). She is and has been upper level HR for her career and I have asked her advice on career changes and interviewing tips etc when I see her putzing around the yard. We talk about things we would like to do to our houses and such. I sometimes send her my update resume for her to review since that is her profession and it is nice resource to have. We did play golf once a few months ago and that is really the extent of our relationship. Over the weekend she texted me to use my gas can to fill her lawn mower since she misplaced hers. I brought it over and we chatted a bit out in the open area of her driveway. My wife came home and saw us chatting and came over and said hello and we all chatted for a bit. The next day my wife is convinced that something is going on between us. I told her about the golf the day before we went, though if you ask her she will tell you I did not. Also, my wife's mother passed away a few months back and my neighbor watched our dog for over week...pretty nice I thought. My neighbor is 7 years my elder and I am not attracted to her...period. My wife is stunning and stays in tip top shape. Look, I don't go out to bars anymore for fun. I stay at home and enjoy a glass of wine or something. In other words I don't meet anyone new. Honestly, this is the only neighbor of mine I have any dialogue with. Am I out of line stading my ground here to have one friend albeit a female?


I have no idea why your wife feels so insecure but clearly she does and you two need talk about why. I have female friends and my wife has male friends..it is fine in our relationship.

Some people here say that men and women being friends is bad because it could lead to affairs, etc. While this is true, I think it is the nature of that person which ultimately would or would not lead to an affair.

However, if your wife does not want you to have female friends and she will not compromise on that, then you either can accept it or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

sisters359 said:


> your wife sounds insecure. insist that she get some counseling, or be her b*tch. your choice.


Precisely. Dude, you even said that her best friend is a guy. And that she cheated on you before you two got married.

This resume thing is 1000x less harmless than both of those situations. Stand up for your f*cking self man. You're afraid of conflict and she beats you down every time.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

.

Sorry posted on an old thread without realizing it. LOL


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