# please I need your advice on what’s going with the girl I’ve been getting to know



## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

So I met this girl we talked I met her son & her brothers everything was fine we were doing a bunch of things together she met my family but we weren’t dating. Something happened between us that made her think we were moving to fast too quick so she said to lets take a step back & take things slower I agreed. So the first week after minimal talking the 2nd week was great we talked every single day like we use to even a day where she called me at 2am to let me know she was taking her son to ER all beifre she even called the kids dad. Last week I didn’t really hear from her at all but this last Saturday she went to the XMas party with it was great we kissed in the lips once after couple weeks of taking it slow.. so Sunday we grab a beer I gave her & her son & brothers their Xmas gifts since she was having secret Santa with her sons godmother. I told her to let me know if they liked & never reached out yesterday at all but then adds a bunch of followers in IG. I’m so confused & sad about all this we never dated but it seemed like we did & im just wondering what’s going to happen next or why does she go a week of talking great like we used to in the past throughout the day. to not replying or reaching out at all im so confused to all this. What do you guys think? I want to call her or text but I feel she’s the one who needs to reach since I told to let me know yesterday if they liked them or not. I down deep she still feels some type of way since she’s the one who told me in the past “I love you” but what can I expect now one week is fine the next no talking help please? I


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Stop chasing her. You come across as kinda desperate. 
Let her reach out to you and if she doesn’t just move on.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Breathe......


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

She's just not that into you & you are trying to hard. Why on earth would you buy Christmas presents for her kid & her brothers if you are not dating her? Very awkward. It doesn't sound like she got you anything. 

You two are not on the same page. She will reach out to you when she needs something -- emotional support at 2 a.m. on the way to the hospital -- but otherwise it seems she can't be bothered. Plus talking daily to somebody you are not dating is too much. 

Stop putting all your eggs in her basket. She is not willing to commit to you. She doesn't really want you but will use you when she has no-one else.


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

Gio92 said:


> So I met this girl we talked I met her son & her brothers everything was fine we were doing a bunch of things together she met my family but we weren’t dating. Something happened between us that made her think we were moving to fast too quick so she said to lets take a step back & take things slower I agreed. So the first week after minimal talking the 2nd week was great we talked every single day like we use to even a day where she called me at 2am to let me know she was taking her son to ER all beifre she even called the kids dad. Last week I didn’t really hear from her at all but this last Saturday she went to the XMas party with it was great we kissed in the lips once after couple weeks of taking it slow.. so Sunday we grab a beer I gave her & her son & brothers their Xmas gifts since she was having secret Santa with her sons godmother. I told her to let me know if they liked & never reached out yesterday at all but then adds a bunch of followers in IG. I’m so confused & sad about all this we never dated but it seemed like we did & im just wondering what’s going to happen next or why does she go a week of talking great like we used to in the past throughout the day. to not replying or reaching out at all im so confused to all this. What do you guys think? I want to call her or text but I feel she’s the one who needs to reach since I told to let me know yesterday if they liked them or not. I down deep she still feels some type of way since she’s the one who told me in the past “I love you” but what can I expect now one week is fine the next no talking help please? I





Gio92 said:


> So I met this girl we talked I met her son & her brothers everything was fine we were doing a bunch of things together she met my family but we weren’t dating. Something happened between us that made her think we were moving to fast too quick so she said to lets take a step back & take things slower I agreed. So the first week after minimal talking the 2nd week was great we talked every single day like we use to even a day where she called me at 2am to let me know she was taking her son to ER all beifre she even called the kids dad. Last week I didn’t really hear from her at all but this last Saturday she went to the XMas party with it was great we kissed in the lips once after couple weeks of taking it slow.. so Sunday we grab a beer I gave her & her son & brothers their Xmas gifts since she was having secret Santa with her sons godmother. I told her to let me know if they liked & never reached out yesterday at all but then adds a bunch of followers in IG. I’m so confused & sad about all this we never dated but it seemed like we did & im just wondering what’s going to happen next or why does she go a week of talking great like we used to in the past throughout the day. to not replying or reaching out at all im so confused to all this. What do you guys think? I want to call her or text but I feel she’s the one who needs to reach since I told to let me know yesterday if they liked them or not. I down deep she still feels some type of way since she’s the one who told me in the past “I love you” but what can I expect now one week is fine the next no talking help please? I


I guess I just find it hard after all we did in those 3 months hanging out 4-5 times a week calling & FT throughout the whole day & I know things are not the same rite now but she definitely has time like before to reach out but hasn’t done it. 

I know there’s still a slight hope for in the future being like we use to be & I know she loved every single thing we did & she knows I have nothing but love for her & her son she knows I like them both

but just so confused on why 2 weeks ago everything was fine she called me every single day like I’m the past but then last week we went to mostly no talking & saw each this weekend & now again no reply back from & the last thing I want is to reach out beifre she does but idk when will that be I know down deep in her there still something small about how she feels aboutfrom the few months we were really close

i don’t know whether to bring it up to her when we talk or see each other next she’s an honest personbut don’t know why if she doesn’t wanna talk like we said we were but just slower why is she being all of a sudden like this without even reply but has time for social media I like her & she knows that but like I told her I’m going to respect all that & willing to wait & show her I can be that person that gives her space but don’t want to waste my time or hers


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> She's just not that into you & you are trying to hard. Why on earth would you buy Christmas presents for her kid & her brothers if you are not dating her? Very awkward. It doesn't sound like she got you anything.
> 
> You two are not on the same page. She will reach out to you when she needs something -- emotional support at 2 a.m. on the way to the hospital -- but otherwise it seems she can't be bothered. Plus talking daily to somebody you are not dating is too much.
> 
> Stop putting all your eggs in her basket. She is not willing to commit to you. She doesn't really want you but will use you when she has no-one else.


That’s the r thing that we were doing all these things of relationship type & it was smooth but after we talked it over agreed to take a step back and take it slower I get so many mix vibes from her & im so confused at times we go from talking good to not even talking but when we do she won’t say anything as to why she’s being like that


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

D0nnivain said:


> She doesn't really want you but will use you when she has no-one else.


Yes.

This is a very common phenomenon in human relations.

Where someone is designated that plan B or C.

It happens because the rejected or 'tolerated' individual accepts this treatment.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Gio92 said:


> I guess I just find it hard after all we did in those 3 months hanging out 4-5 times a week calling & FT throughout the whole day & I know things are not the same rite now but she definitely has time like before to reach out but hasn’t done it.
> 
> I know there’s still a slight hope for in the future being like we use to be & I know she loved every single thing we did & she knows I have nothing but love for her & her son she knows I like them both
> 
> ...


You're not dating her exclusively in any shape or form. So don't stop dating others. And don't be so needy.

You need to be dating 3 or 4 women, to gain more experience. 

Let her be.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Consider yourself friend-zoned by her.

No! 
Not a BFF!

Yes, it hurts.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

The "step back" thing is her wanting out but you get mixed signals because she is not willing to stand on her own two feet. It's easier to lean on you & you let her use you like this because you are a quintessential nice guy & by that I mean doormat.


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You're not dating her exclusively in any shape or form. So don't stop dating others. And don't be so needy.
> 
> You need to be dating 3 or 4 women, to gain more experience.
> 
> Let her be.


i kind of felt to some point we were because I slept over with her at her house 4 times & one time at my place I even took them to air port & picked them up I kept her car for 2 weeks I still have her small purse with a debit card & her shoes & other stuff that she doesn’t seem like in a hurry to get them she as well has a sweater of mine that hasn’t given back 

I’m just supper confused but yes I get it we never technically dated but we did everything like we were


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> The "step back" thing is her wanting out but you get mixed signals because she is not willing to stand on her own two feet. It's easier to lean on you & you let her use you like this because you are a quintessential nice guy & by that I mean doormat.


Do you think she could have easily said hey I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to attend the Xmas party or even invited me to have a beer with her & her sons godmother like we use to in the past


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You might not have put the vocabulary word "dating" around what you were doing but you were clearly dating. 

Gather up the stuff of hers you have have & return it to her saying since we are taking a step back, I thought I should return these items to you. At the very least you get clutter out of your house. 

She's not going to have a direct conversation with you about this. She doesn't have the words or is reluctant to say them because she doesn't want to hurt you. She also knows if she spells it out, you will be less likely to bail her out. It's in her best interest to keep you guessing & at her beck & call until she finds a different sucker to fill your role.


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## Tiddytok5 (8 mo ago)

You have to acknowledge and come to terms with the facts and reality of you two not being in a relationship.

You both (well who knows about her) are single.


It doesn't matter if you two kissed or took it further.

It doesn't matter if you've met her son (you should have never met him unless in the future things were serious.. irresponsible parenting right there) and her family (never should have met them either).


You are desperate.
You are optimistically hoping and still waiting in the shadows, even though it's very obvious that......


She's not interested in dating you.

Everything has been crystal clear since the beginning..you just refuse to take the blinders off.


She's perhaps is using you, because your desperation is prevalent and out in the open.

She's taking advantage of you. .and you're allowing it.

She views you as a friend and/or readily available and agreeable associate..


Someone to bring to her family to get them off of her back..and perhaps to stop them from pressuring her into dating.




Someone to bring to parties and social events when she doesn't want to be there alone, or when no one else that she knows can attend, or when she doesn't want to deal with them..



You're just an "optional" to her.

She is only involved with you when it's primarily for her selfish gain.



Don't ever assume that you're in a relationship with someone or that it's mutually heading in that direction unless....

The both of you had discussions both mutually agree, and work towards those actions.



You aren't entitled to her.


She doesn't "owe" you anything.


It's best if you delete and block her on everything. Don't respond. Don't initiate communication.


Leave her alone permanently.



Get into therapy to learn how to love, and respect yourself.

Create and develop yourself and your life more.

Also, you need to grow a permanent backbone and stop allowing people to treat you poorly..and stop allowing yourself to be treated poorly.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

D0nnivain said:


> You might not have put the vocabulary word "dating" around what you were doing but you were clearly dating.
> 
> Gather up the stuff of hers you have have & return it to her saying since we are taking a step back, I thought I should return these items to you. At the very least you get clutter out of your house.
> 
> She's not going to have a direct conversation with you about this. She doesn't have the words or is reluctant to say them because she doesn't want to hurt you. She also knows if she spells it out, you will be less likely to bail her out. It's in her best interest to keep you guessing & at her beck & call until she finds a different sucker to fill your role.


Well, this is rather harsh.

Your description of her could be true. Personally, I don't equate her to being a rat. Rather, she is obviously careless with others feelings.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Gio92 said:


> Do you think she could have easily said hey I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to attend the Xmas party or even invited me to have a beer with her & her sons godmother like we use to in the past


She could have said she didn't want to do those things but AT THAT MOMENT she may have thought it sounded nice. Which means, it's nice to have you around when she is bored but does not mean she wants you around all the time and has any intentions of ever actually committing to you in a relationship. Quit trying to 'figure out' what every little word or action means and pay attention to her actions (which, again, clearly show she doesn't care much).


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Intentional vs. careless, the OP still gets hurt. He needs to take a big step back. He needs to stop with the presents, the Airport rides, & the late night / early morning calls. When she commits more (if she does) then he can invest but not now.


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## Kput (3 mo ago)

Not trying to be offensive but your desperation is quite obvious. You were probably a friend or distraction until someone she felt a real desire for came along. 

Being seen as needy or desperate is not attractive.

Put it down to experience and act far more cool in future relationships.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Gio92 said:


> i kind of felt to some point we were because I slept over with her at her house 4 times & one time at my place I even took them to air port & picked them up I kept her car for 2 weeks I still have her small purse with a debit card & her shoes & other stuff that she doesn’t seem like in a hurry to get them she as well has a sweater of mine that hasn’t given back
> 
> I’m just supper confused but yes I get it we never technically dated but we did everything like we were


You need to face the fact that she is USING YOU...which means that she spends time with you when SHE gets something out of it, not because she cares about you. She is using you because you are allowing it, because you are pretending that the little crumbs of attention she gives you mean she has deeper feelings for you...but they don't.

If she had real feelings for you, she wouldn't want to take things slower or back off...she would want to get closer to you.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

At this point, just back off.
At a minimum, your over excitement has spooked her.
In all probability, your neediness and over action has turned her off.
Learn from your mistakes and move on.
If by some chance she pops back up again, and you are still interested, ratchet it way back and let her pursue you.
Set the stage to make her prove through her actions (and reciprocation) that she is not merely using you.
One, you stand a better chance if things continue at a pace she sets, and, two, it doesn't make you present as desperate.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Gio92 said:


> i kind of felt to some point we were because I slept over with her at her house 4 times & one time at my place I even took them to air port & picked them up I kept her car for 2 weeks I still have her small purse with a debit card & her shoes & other stuff that she doesn’t seem like in a hurry to get them she as well has a sweater of mine that hasn’t given back
> 
> I’m just supper confused but yes I get it we never technically dated but we did everything like we were


You just keep explaining things you do to be helpful. How is that relevant, you'd do that for any friend.


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

Kput said:


> Not trying to be offensive but your desperation is quite obvious. You were probably a friend or distraction until someone she felt a real desire for came along.
> 
> Being seen as needy or desperate is not attractive.
> 
> Put it down to experience and act far more cool in future relationships.


I understand but it’s not the fact that someone else it started when she had gotten mad at me then we talked it over seemed like it was going back smooth just taking it slow but then all of a sudden she changes & hasn’t replied back so I definitely won’t be reaching out give. Her space


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

Tdbo said:


> At this point, just back off.
> At a minimum, your over excitement has spooked her.
> In all probability, your neediness and over action has turned her off.
> Learn from your mistakes and move on.
> ...


Totally agree with you since she hasn’t replied back I will for sure give her that space & let her reach out herself 
I know she still feels something small for me so that to me I don’t want to ruin it so I just want to show her I can give her that space & freedom she wants for now especially after being married for 6 years


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

Tdbo said:


> At this point, just back off.
> At a minimum, your over excitement has spooked her.
> In all probability, your neediness and over action has turned her off.
> Learn from your mistakes and move on.
> ...


So you would say since I did last text her Sunday after I saw her then she replied & I sent the last text to let me know Heyerdahl to see if they like them you would say just give her that space & let her reach out by herself without me having to text/call back first rite?


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## Kput (3 mo ago)

Accept for now that it is over.

Do not contact her. If she contacts you by text do not respond for at least an hour. If she calls let it go to voice mail, if she does not leave a message call back much later.

Do not be seen to be needy or desperate. If she wants to see you offer certain days/dates not at anytime to suit her.

Be cool.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Gio92 said:


> So you would say since I did last text her Sunday after I saw her then she replied & I sent the last text to let me know Heyerdahl to see if they like them you would say just give her that space & let her reach out by herself without me having to text/call back first rite?


*If you were this woman's priority you would not be in the present situation.* Unfortunately, you are only an option to her.

Would recommend you let this one go. Drop off whatever items she has left behind with her family or at her home. Collect your possessions or let those go.

People that want to be with you will make time for you.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Gio92 said:


> Totally agree with you since she hasn’t replied back I will for sure give her that space & let her reach out herself
> I know she still feels something small for me so that to me I don’t want to ruin it so I just want to show her I can give her that space & freedom she wants for now especially after being married for 6 years


Ummmm....you do not know that. You imagine it.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Yes. You need not text again. Let her come to you. See how that approach is. If it's attached to a need, rethink how you respond. You don't always have to be her knight in shining armor. 

Since it's the holidays, I will say you can text her Merry Christmas on 12/24 OR 12/25. But if you don't get a response to that give up!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Yes.
> 
> This is a very common phenomenon in human relations.
> 
> ...


Sun, are you ok?
That was so concise!!!!!!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Anytime you’re a man and you’re having to “give space”……. You need to move on.
Just reading your post made me vicariously nervous. A woman who is interested wants every second of your time. This one is not the one. Get some strength and find one you aren’t so needy with.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Gio92 said:


> So I met this girl we talked I met her son & her brothers everything was fine we were doing a bunch of things together she met my family but we weren’t dating. Something happened between us that made her think we were moving to fast too quick so she said to lets take a step back & take things slower I agreed. So the first week after minimal talking the 2nd week was great we talked every single day like we use to even a day where she called me at 2am to let me know she was taking her son to ER all beifre she even called the kids dad. Last week I didn’t really hear from her at all but this last Saturday she went to the XMas party with it was great we kissed in the lips once after couple weeks of taking it slow.. so Sunday we grab a beer I gave her & her son & brothers their Xmas gifts since she was having secret Santa with her sons godmother. I told her to let me know if they liked & never reached out yesterday at all but then adds a bunch of followers in IG. I’m so confused & sad about all this we never dated but it seemed like we did & im just wondering what’s going to happen next or why does she go a week of talking great like we used to in the past throughout the day. to not replying or reaching out at all im so confused to all this. What do you guys think? I want to call her or text but I feel she’s the one who needs to reach since I told to let me know yesterday if they liked them or not. I down deep she still feels some type of way since she’s the one who told me in the past “I love you” but what can I expect now one week is fine the next no talking help please? I





Gio92 said:


> I guess I just find it hard after all we did in those 3 months hanging out 4-5 times a week calling & FT throughout the whole day & I know things are not the same rite now but she definitely has time like before to reach out but hasn’t done it.
> 
> I know there’s still a slight hope for in the future being like we use to be & I know she loved every single thing we did & she knows I have nothing but love for her & her son she knows I like them both
> 
> ...


She's very lukewarm on you. She may have a hard time telling you no to kisses and gifts and all that. So she withdraws instead. You shouldn't waste your time on someone who is lukewarm and pushing you away half the time. She won't magically start being crazy about you. Probably when you very first met is when she liked you the most because she didn't even know you then and could imagine that you were someone like her ideal hopefully.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Kput said:


> Accept for now that it is over.
> 
> Do not contact her. If she contacts you by text do not respond for at least an hour. If she calls let it go to voice mail, if she does not leave a message call back much later.
> 
> ...


The problem is she will find out eventually that he hasn't changed really.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Gio92 said:


> I kind of felt to some point we were because I slept over with her at her house 4 times & one time at my place


That is what we on TAM call the test drive.

It took her five times to finally realize that you did not pass her 'stick shift' driving test. 

You probably stalled at red lights, and slipped the clutch, too many times.


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> Yes. You need not text again. Let her come to you. See how that approach is. If it's attached to a need, rethink how you respond. You don't always have to be her knight in shining armor.
> 
> Since it's the holidays, I will say you can text her Merry Christmas on 12/24 OR 12/25. But if you don't get a response to that give up!


Yes I could do that it’s been 2 days since I’ve herd from her I know that if I text her she will respond much later but at the same time I won’t text her to give her that space


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> The problem is she will find out eventually that he hasn't changed really.


She found out soon after we talked that I was respecting her space & not reaching that’s when she started reaching out to me more n more like we used to do but then all of a sudden she changes & we go from a week of talking each day to only 2 times a week & now I still have t herd back from her in 2 days


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> That is what we on TAM call the test drive.
> 
> It took her five times to finally realize that you did not pass her 'stick shift' driving test.
> 
> You probably stalled at red lights, and slipped the clutch, too many times.


No, it has nothing to do with this. We had some great times this was not the problem she enjoyed every single time & even when I was house sitting that’s the day when she said she had something she had been wanting to tell me for a few days now & she said “I love you”


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

Gio92 said:


> She found out soon after we talked it over when she said we need to take a step back n take thin slow that I was respecting her space & not reaching that’s when she started reaching out to me more n more like we used to do but then all of a sudden she changes & we go from a week of talking each day to only 2 times a week & now I still have t herd back from her in 2 days


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Go off the grid for a couple of days. If she does not seek you out then she does not give a s**t.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Gio92 said:


> So I met this girl we talked I met her son & her brothers everything was fine we were doing a bunch of things together she met my family but we weren’t dating. Something happened between us that made her think we were moving to fast too quick so she said to lets take a step back & take things slower I agreed. So the first week after minimal talking the 2nd week was great we talked every single day like we use to even a day where she called me at 2am to let me know she was taking her son to ER all beifre she even called the kids dad. Last week I didn’t really hear from her at all but this last Saturday she went to the XMas party with it was great we kissed in the lips once after couple weeks of taking it slow.. so Sunday we grab a beer I gave her & her son & brothers their Xmas gifts since she was having secret Santa with her sons godmother. I told her to let me know if they liked & never reached out yesterday at all but then adds a bunch of followers in IG. I’m so confused & sad about all this we never dated but it seemed like we did & im just wondering what’s going to happen next or why does she go a week of talking great like we used to in the past throughout the day. to not replying or reaching out at all im so confused to all this. What do you guys think? I want to call her or text but I feel she’s the one who needs to reach since I told to let me know yesterday if they liked them or not. I down deep she still feels some type of way since she’s the one who told me in the past “I love you” but what can I expect now one week is fine the next no talking help please? I


She has placed you in the friend zone and what`s going to happen next is nothing, she`ll continue to keep you in the friend zone.
She may even have a guy or guys she`s really into.
Either keep her in your circle as a friend without benefits or move on because if you hope to have any relationship with this woman you`re going to be disappointed.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> That is what we on TAM call the test drive.
> 
> It took her five times to finally realize that you did not pass her 'stick shift' driving test.
> 
> You probably stalled at red lights, and slipped the clutch, too many times.


Unless I'm missing something I don't think this is a sexual relationship. Maybe I misread it, but I thought they only kissed. Not that you have to be having sex with someone to date them. But I am curious what kind of other activities they did together, and how much of that time was just them. Couples tend to do couple type of things together.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Gio92 said:


> No, it has nothing to do with this. We had some great times this was not the problem she enjoyed every single time & even when I was house sitting that’s the day when she said she had something she had been wanting to tell me for a few days now & she said “I love you”


Fair enough.

When you starve your listeners of information, their stomachs growl out all sorts of answers, some wildly painful.

As listeners we can ask pertinent questions. 
It is your duty to answer them, in detail, lest you get those odd burps and blurbs.

Back to your situation.

As others have said, repeatedly, she has friend zoned you.

Don't take it personally, you two were not a solid match.
The chemistry was not there for her.

She is not in your stars.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Gio92 said:


> So you would say since I did last text her Sunday after I saw her then she replied & I sent the last text to let me know Heyerdahl to see if they like them you would say just give her that space & let her reach out by herself without me having to text/call back first rite?


You do not text her at all, unless it is in response to a text from her.
If there is a "Next Move." make sure that it is all on her.
BTW, if she texts you, do not rush a response to her. Let her text fester a bit.
Avoid getting excitable.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

As two people are first getting to know each other first few months, they learn more and more about another person and may cool off. Or they may meet someone they're more interested in. The longer you know someone the more completely you know them. It is pretty common that people like each other best when they first start seeing each other because they don't really know each other and so they can fill in the parts they don't know with the ideal person in their head that they hope this person will be. But that person doesn't exist. 

She may only be interested in you as a friend at this point and it's hard to come back from that because there's reasons for it.


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

I read your story and to me it sounds you are her "fallback guy". She likes you, your a great guy, very good friend.. she knows exactly what to do to keep you close to her but far enough away that your not her boyfriend.. you can keep doing this until one day she may want to be with you... or she marries your best friend.. choice is yours.. one day they love you next day they forget you..


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## Kput (3 mo ago)

Read mmslp some of it is utter tosh but the "map" is spot on.

Use it in your next relationship and never ever appear to be to keen to soon. 

As many have advised needy and desperate are so unattractive in a man.

You be the prize.


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

ReformedHubby said:


> Unless I'm missing something I don't think this is a sexual relationship. Maybe I misread it, but I thought they only kissed. Not that you have to be having sex with someone to date them. But I am curious what kind of other activities they did together, and how much of that time was just them. Couples tend to do couple type of things together.


We ere intimate a couple of times 5 times to be exact. We did a couple things together like go out to the brewery’s & go downtown to the club dancing & go bowling. Go to a nice lunch in Santa Monica for her birthday.

and with her son & siblings we would go play tennis, pumpkin patch,drop them off at the airport, go shopping & attend my socccer games which they loved especially her & her son


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

Tdbo said:


> You do not text her at all, unless it is in response to a text from her.
> If there is a "Next Move." make sure that it is all on her.
> BTW, if she texts you, do not rush a response to her. Let her text fester a bit.
> Avoid getting excitable.


Still to this day no answers from her to my last text which leaves to over think stuff. Did she not like the small gifts did she not open them many things. But something in me was telling me give her this week if she doesn’t reply reach to see how they’re doing but I feel I shouldn’t do that.

her sons godmother leaves tomorrow they’re the same age & she is a huge factor to this I want to take advantage of her leaving to maybe catch up a bit with her & see where things are she will have no excuses not to see each other for a bit now that she’s alone


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Gio92 said:


> Still to this day no answers from her to my last text which leaves to over think stuff. Did she not like the small gifts did she not open them many things. But something in me was telling me give her this week if she doesn’t reply reach to see how they’re doing but I feel I shouldn’t do that.
> 
> her sons godmother leaves tomorrow they’re the same age & she is a huge factor to this I want to take advantage of her leaving to maybe catch up a bit with her & see where things are she will have no excuses not to see each other for a bit now that she’s alone


If she wants to catch up with you, she knows your digits.
Stop acting all needy.


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

Tdbo said:


> If she wants to catch up with you, she knows your digits.
> Stop acting all needy.


i get like giving her all this week & potentially reaching out tomorrow or Saturday see how they are keeping it short, maybe who knows she will reach out beifre but how it seems it don’t look like she will 
That’s where I wonder what happens when all sudden we saw each other 2 days went good & then goes without talking


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Gio92 said:


> We ere intimate a couple of times 5 times to be exact. We did a couple things together like go out to the brewery’s & go downtown to the club dancing & go bowling. Go to a nice lunch in Santa Monica for her birthday.
> 
> and with her son & siblings we would go play tennis, pumpkin patch,drop them off at the airport, go shopping & attend my socccer games which they loved especially her & her son


Knowing this info I think its best you move on. Block her from contact and get back out there. You need to do this because if you don't you'll keep hanging around waiting for crumbs of attention that probably aren't coming anyway. I am advising this because this is the version of her that you will always have. A lukewarm reception. Not to upset you, but she is treating you like someone that thought you would be a good partner, but ultimately for whatever reason the chemistry isn't there for her the way that it is for you. This happens in dating all the time. You have to let her go.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

A woman WILL NOT make you wonder whether you’re the one for her. Neither will a man. You’re not. Accept it for that it is. It happens to all of us. You made a bad investment if time and effort. Stop investing. 
theres 4 billion of them, bro!


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> You made a bad investment if time and effort. Stop investing.
> theres 4 billion of them, bro!


I wouldn't even say he made a bad investment. Sounds like he wasn't always in the friend zone with her. I have seen men orbit someone for years that they are only acquaintances with. With that said I hope the OP learns from it. There are signs to look for. Ultimately if someone is interested in you, they make time for you. Sounds like she is waiting for OP to get the hint.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Gio92 said:


> i get like giving her all this week & potentially reaching out tomorrow or Saturday see how they are keeping it short, maybe who knows she will reach out beifre but how it seems it don’t look like she will
> That’s where I wonder what happens when all sudden we saw each other 2 days went good & then goes without talking


Don't worry about it.
She will reach out when and if she wants to talk to you.
Badgering her will decrease any chance that she wants to have anything to do with you.
If you want to look like two cents waiting for change, go ahead and contact her.
You doing so will only make you look desperate and weak, neither of which is an image enhancer.
You made your move previously, now it is her turn to make hers.
If you don't hear from her, move on and live your best life; because she is probably one step ahead of you in doing so.


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## Leeame (Apr 13, 2021)

Gio92 said:


> I guess I just find it hard after all we did in those 3 months hanging out 4-5 times a week calling & FT throughout the whole day & I know things are not the same rite now but she definitely has time like before to reach out but hasn’t done it.
> 
> I know there’s still a slight hope for in the future being like we use to be & I know she loved every single thing we did & she knows I have nothing but love for her & her son she knows I like them both
> 
> ...


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

So after not hearing from since last Sunday 12-11-2022 I decided to reach out this past Friday I decided to keep it short & said “hey hope your days been good so far, wanted to see if you had any plans this weekend thought maybe we can go eat” and still no response. She loves supper supper close to me & breaks my heart that when I pass I see her car home & im here still waiting for a simple reply or even more a thank you for the gifts I gave them all last Sunday which were small but very thoughtful. Makes me feel to not know if they liked them or not 

even more not knowing why exactly she changed all of a sudden I have that in my mind in my part I feel like I did nothing wrong since I gave her space & respected not reaching out for a week so that just makes me feel worse


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Gio92 said:


> So after not hearing from since last Sunday 12-11-2022 I decided to reach out this past Friday I decided to keep it short & said “hey hope your days been good so far, wanted to see if you had any plans this weekend thought maybe we can go eat” and still no response. She loves supper supper close to me & breaks my heart that when I pass I see her car home & im here still waiting for a simple reply or even more a thank you for the gifts I gave them all last Sunday which were small but very thoughtful. Makes me feel to not know if they liked them or not
> 
> even more not knowing why exactly she changed all of a sudden I have that in my mind in my part I feel like I did nothing wrong since I gave her space & respected not reaching out for a week so that just makes me feel worse


OP, you need to stop thinking about this as a game with rules that will win you her heart. The notion that giving her space would bring her back was extrapolated in your own mind. She wasn't thinking that way. I seriously doubt that she invested much time thinking about you since the last time you communicated was over a week ago. You should let this go.


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

ReformedHubby said:


> OP, you need to stop thinking about this as a game with rules that will win you her heart. The notion that giving her space would bring her back was extrapolated in your own mind. She wasn't thinking that way. I seriously doubt that she invested much time thinking about you since the last time you communicated was over a week ago. You should let this go.


You’re rite, she stills sees all my stuff from social media n stuff. People tell me sometimes it’s better not to know but I’m my case I feel like as much as I think of what I have potentially done wrong to get her to be like there’s absolutely nothing I can remember that I did wrong 

i had just seen her for my company’s holiday everything was greatthen Sunday she invited me to get a beerwith her sons godmother I have them the gifts she’s said thank you so much gave her a kiss on the forehead we texted after & I just never herd from her back

so I know I didn’t do anything wrong. Idk if she was expecting a more expensive gift but why if things weren’t like before you know l


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

Gio92 said:


> You’re rite, she stills sees all my stuff from social media n stuff. People tell me sometimes it’s better not to know but I’m my case I feel like as much as I think of what I have potentially done wrong to get her to be like there’s absolutely nothing I can remember that I did wrong
> 
> i had just seen her for my company’s holiday everything was greatthen Sunday she invited me to get a beerwith her sons godmother I have them the gifts she’s said thank you so much gave her a kiss on the forehead we texted after & I just never herd from her back
> 
> so I know I didn’t do anything wrong. Idk if she was expecting a more expensive gift but why if things weren’t like before you know l


I guess at this point I don’t even know if they opened them or not I felt like if they didn’t because they secret Santa with her sons godmother n family she would have maybe told me hey we decided to wait until Christmas you know


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Gio92 said:


> You’re rite, she stills sees all my stuff from social media n stuff. People tell me sometimes it’s better not to know but I’m my case I feel like as much as I think of what I have potentially done wrong to get her to be like there’s absolutely nothing I can remember that I did wrong
> 
> i had just seen her for my company’s holiday everything was greatthen Sunday she invited me to get a beerwith her sons godmother I have them the gifts she’s said thank you so much gave her a kiss on the forehead we texted after & I just never herd from her back
> 
> so I know I didn’t do anything wrong. Idk if she was expecting a more expensive gift but why if things weren’t like before you know l


I'm not trying to make you feel worse than you do (you're doing this to yourself by the way). But you need to remove yourself from this hamster wheel you're on. Again. STOP looking at this as something that you did right or wrong. The romantic feelings simply are not there for her. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong at all. It just means she doesn't think you're the right guy for her. Stop torturing yourself as if you lost her because of something you did.


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

ReformedHubby said:


> I'm not trying to make you feel worse than you do (you're doing this to yourself by the way). But you need to remove yourself from this hamster wheel you're on. Again. STOP looking at this as something that you did right or wrong. The romantic feelings simply are not there for her. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong at all. It just means she doesn't think you're the right guy for her. Stop torturing yourself as if you lost her because of something you did.


You’re rite I should stop thinking maybe there was something I did wrong because I didn’t it’s just mostly her maybe not interested anymore or just wants space for a while & she will reach out eventually who know what her most Ives are but 

I’m slowly moving with still a slight hope of herreaching or realizing I was always there for & always respectful to her & her son

but as of Friday I will not reach out again I’ve done my part already now it’s her chance of maybe reaching out but then again won’t be getting my hopes up it’s been 3 days again & nothing


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Gio92 said:


> You’re rite I should stop thinking maybe there was something I did wrong because I didn’t it’s just mostly her maybe not interested anymore or just wants space for a while & she will reach out eventually who know what her most Ives are but
> 
> I’m slowly moving with still a slight hope of herreaching or realizing I was always there for & always respectful to her & her son
> 
> but as of Friday I will not reach out again I’ve done my part already now it’s her chance of maybe reaching out but then again won’t be getting my hopes up it’s been 3 days again & nothing


You have been a wonderful boyfriend and man to her, and if she can just drop you like this with so little care or consideration, then she doesn't deserve you at all!

There are plenty of women who would be excited and appreciate a man like you, don't waste your time on a woman who is callous and doesn't see your value. You deserve better than how she has been treating you...now YOU just need to believe that.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Gio92 said:


> I guess at this point I don’t even know if they opened them or not I felt like if they didn’t because they secret Santa with her sons godmother n family she would have maybe told me hey we decided to wait until Christmas you know


I think you need to be honest with yourself. While I think you meant well when you bought the gifts. I think you have unrealistic expectations tied to them.


Gio92 said:


> You’re rite I should stop thinking maybe there was something I did wrong because I didn’t it’s just mostly her maybe not interested anymore or just wants space for a while & she will reach out eventually who know what her most Ives are but
> 
> I’m slowly moving with still a slight hope of herreaching or realizing I was always there for & always respectful to her & her son
> 
> but as of Friday I will not reach out again I’ve done my part already now it’s her chance of maybe reaching out but then again won’t be getting my hopes up it’s been 3 days again & nothing


This is my last reply in your thread. None of my replies were meant to give you a sliver of hope about being with her. They were meant to get you to accept reality. Godspeed sir.


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> You have been a wonderful boyfriend and man to her, and if she can just drop you like this with so little care or consideration, then she doesn't deserve you at all!
> 
> There are plenty of women who would be excited and appreciate a man like you, don't waste your time on a woman who is callous and doesn't see your value. You deserve better than how she has been treating you...now YOU just need to believe that.


Thank you so much I appreciate it. That’s where I hope she realizes soon that hey Thais guy treated me & my son wi to nothing but respect & love & always went out his way to do stuff for us like dropping off food airport trips, late night snacks and again the XMas gifts she knows I told her whenever I get someone something I do it with good intentions & from the bottom of my heart 

i felt like she would have said thank you after that all opened their gifts but nothing I guess at this point idk if they even opened but still I reached out after a week to maybe see her & no reply from her again


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

If you try to push for intimacy too quickly, you give the impression that she's your only option and that scares women. It is entirely possible, if she is disconnecting with you that she might be trying to connect with somebody else. I would probably leave her alone and see if she tries to connect with you. If she doesn't, you either turned her off or she has connected with somebody else. That may be why she isn't valuing your gifts, because she is disconnecting from you.


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

UAArchangel said:


> If you try to push for intimacy too quickly, you give the impression that she's your only option and that scares women. It is entirely possible, if she is disconnecting with you that she might be trying to connect with somebody else. I would probably leave her alone and see if she tries to connect with you. If she doesn't, you either turned her off or she has connected with somebody else. That may be why she isn't valuing your gifts, because she is disconnecting from you.


Your rite, I guess at this point I don’t even know if she opened them or not that day she seemed really happy when I gave them to her but she did tel me she wanted to wait but I told to just open them so I’m almost sure she did open them but I don’t know that for sure 

maybe she didn’t & she’ll open them Sunday & be like hey thanks or whatever but then at that point Idk if I’ll respond because it will be 2 weeks she hasn’t reached out you know:/


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

UAArchangel said:


> If you try to push for intimacy too quickly, you give the impression that she's your only option and that scares women. It is entirely possible, if she is disconnecting with you that she might be trying to connect with somebody else. I would probably leave her alone and see if she tries to connect with you. If she doesn't, you either turned her off or she has connected with somebody else. That may be why she isn't valuing your gifts, because she is disconnecting from you.


I didn’t push for intimacy too quick the first time I slept over she Face Time me & said if I wanted to go over then it was like 5 more times none of which I told her hey let me go sleep with you know


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Okay no offense Glo but you are now bordering on stalking and desperate, stop this S**T once and for all, do not text, do not call, do not drive by her house, do not follow her on social media, otherwise you need to give back your man card because honestly after reading your post I can begin to see why she is pulling away....dear god man back the F off and pursue someone else or something else....if she is truly interested then she will pursue you not the other way around.
I say this not to hurt your feeling but for you to step back and see how you are suffocating this relationship, walk away and see what happens, but stop everything right now or it will get worse, and you might find yourself in trouble. if you need to see a therapist then do so but you are accomplishing nothing right now


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So Glo, she hasn't responded. YOU need to get this in your head. For WHATEVER reason, she is done.
YOU need to get yourself together, mourn for what you THOUGHT you had (but make sure you realize that maybe you are viewing things through rose-colored glasses), and then move on. Stop looking at her social media, stop worrying about her responding via text, etc.

If she ever DOES get back to you -- just be clear that SHE ghosted you and that you don't need people in your life who would treat you this way. Tell her to have a nice life, but it won't be with you.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> I'm not trying to make you feel worse than you do (you're doing this to yourself by the way). But you need to remove yourself from this hamster wheel you're on. Again. STOP looking at this as something that you did right or wrong. The romantic feelings simply are not there for her. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong at all. It just means she doesn't think you're the right guy for her. Stop torturing yourself as if you lost her because of something you did.


Amen


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I swear, with communications and such as they are these days, why a guy would worry so much about one woman he barely knew is beyond my comprehension.
4 billion women on the planet. Reconsider investing feelings in one so quickly that hasn’t earned them.


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## Gio92 (1 mo ago)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Okay no offend Glo but you are now bordering on stalking and despearte, stop this S**T once and for all, do not text, do not call, do not drive by her house, do not follow her on social media, otherwise you need to give back your man card because honestly after reading your post I can begin to see why she is pulling away....dear god man back the F off and pursue someone else or something else....if she is truly interested then she will pursue you not the other way around.
> I say this not to hurt your feeling but for you to step back and see how you are suffercating this relationship, walk away and see what happens, but stop everything right now or it will get worse, and you might find yourself in trouble. if you need to see a therapist then do so but you are accomplishing nothing right now


No nothing like that trust me I wouldn’t do that to anyone let alone her that I care & appreciate her still even tho I haven’t herd from. Why I said that is because we live so close to each & im order to go to my house Ihave to pass in front of hers

but yes I’ve been staying active lately that’s helped with slowly forgetting about this whole thing & if for some reason she was to reach out then let it be but I definitely won’t reaching at all since I’ve done my part now it’s her turn so will shall see thanks tho 🙏


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Every time you reach out you push her farther away. 

If there is a prayer for her to come back you have to just sit there & wait. It might not work so don't wait too long but if you haven't heard back by the 1st week of January 2023 assume you never will & move on.


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