# Rebuilding Intimacy..... getting it wrong? or right?



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Ok so we came up with some ideas on things to do to spend more time together. One was a night with no tv, I had the idea to talk... catch up, I feel like we are regetting to know each other after many years of distractions from outside people of our marriage and responsibilities that we had... ok, so I had this idea of a drink night where we could talk and play cards, and of course asked him if he had any ideas (after many discussions on how to get our marriage on track and he agreed we need to be friends again).... one area that had been a disconnect was our sex life and I felt like it was hot/cold... very back and a forth... anyway, so out of nowhere he decides to add a sex game to my talking night..... I'm going along with it, because it is something we haven't done before, but I feel like it distracts from the real thing, or am I off base? The one thing we both agreed on, dispite our challenges, that was the one area of our relationship that was improving and not seeming to go backwards like our communication etc was... or is he just being a man, and doesn't want to talk.... I just don't know and I don't want to be under an "illusion" or have him thinking I am fine because we have some great sex when really I am left emotionally empty (as has been happening the last bit and hence the long discussions)... I don't want another long discussion and I really don't even want to bring this up because the last couple times I bring anything up he says, "just when I think everything is going better" yada yada.... and we really have been blind-sided by some craziness lately.
I just wanted some input. We had plans last night to have a night together but he had a meeting that ran late and so by the time he got home it was too late to do what we had planned... so he says that he wants to do part of it when he gets home from work (of course that would be the game, not the talking that I wanted) strip poker :smthumbup: Sounds fun though.....
Advice? (To summarize for those who don't know me, we have a major emotional disconnect, an issue with me trusting him, and generally me being the one for the most part who always changes in the relationship, until recently when I asked for some serious changes from him).


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

I guess I should clarify.....rebuilding emotional intimacy. N he takes it to a sexual level, lol.....goodness I have been reading articles most of the evening not coming up with much help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

What about having two non-TV nights, where each of you gets a night to set the agenda? This gives you a chance to set up an evening that meets your needs and him one to the same. I think part of intimacy and communicating is putting your partner's needs first at times, so setting this up allows each of you to do that.

I would suggest having your night first, so that you can be sure that he really participates before having his night.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Good idea TAV.... and I think I may be able to pull that off without having to say a word or bring up a discussion. Thanks!


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

We are rebuilding (along with it intimacy) trust in my marriage...

We don't really watch TV in the evening once the news is over unless there is something inparticular one of us wants to watch.
It's great it frees up hours and hours each week to spend together and do 'stuff'.

We spend our evenings doing all sorts of things... we cook together, work on home projects or just sit and chat.
We go to a dance class most weeks and practice our new moves as well.

But the biggest thing for me was 'mondays meeting'.
We meet after dinner, in our office.
We go over the bills and any other issues but it also a time to talk about our relationship and air any gripes. I worried it would become a whinging session but it really hasn't. It's been a really positive thing for us.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

How about just taking walks together, or going for a picnic?
My H and I are reconciling at the moment, so reconnecting and building trust are at the top of our list.
We walk, picnic, watch a movie, and generally just hang out.
Sometimes we talk and sometimes we dont, but we always have close physical contact, either holding hands or sitting next to each other.
Maybe suggest an activity and take talking off the agenda, this way he wont feel under pressure to "have a chat" but have more general conversations.
Good Luck
DG
x


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