# What's going on with my wife?



## bfis108137 (Jul 22, 2010)

This kind of thing happens all the time. I work midnights. I went to a class last night and it was cancelled and so I called my wife to tell her I am coming home and that we would have quality time together before I went to work. I got home and I was kind of tired from the bike ride from where the class was. My wife asked me to come to the bedroom and I said just give me 5 minutes to relax in front of the computer? She started to complain. I said please just a few minutes. I finally came to the bedroom 5 minutes later and she immediately started to just complain about how If I loved her I wouldn't even touch the computer etc. I told her that I didn't deserve this and left the bedroom and said for her to call me when she is in a better mood. Now she says she knows the solution is to not call me to the bedroom anymore ever. I know all will be back to normal by tomorrow but this kind of thing just goes around in circles. I am at a loss.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Well, the way she handled it was maybe not the best way, but I can see her point. You call her and tell her you'll have quality time together, and then when you get home, the first thing you do is get on the computer. I would be frustrated by that, too. 

I would go to her and tell her you're sorry that you didn't do what she wanted you to do. If that doesn't prompt an apology out of her, I would then continue by explaining that although you're sorry you feel that the way she handled things wasn't appropriate and you'd like to discuss better ways that you can BOTH deal with situations like this in the future.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

bfis108137 said:


> This kind of thing happens all the time. I work midnights. I went to a class last night and it was cancelled and so I called my wife to tell her I am coming home and that we would have quality time together before I went to work. I got home and I was kind of tired from the bike ride from where the class was. My wife asked me to come to the bedroom and I said just give me 5 minutes to relax in front of the computer? She started to complain. I said please just a few minutes. I *finally* came to the bedroom 5 minutes later and she immediately started to just complain about how If I loved her I wouldn't even touch the computer etc. I told her that *I didn't deserve this* and left the bedroom and said for her to *call me when she is in a better mood*. Now she says she knows the solution is to not call me to the bedroom anymore ever. I know all will be back to normal by tomorrow but this kind of thing *just goes around in circles.* I am at a loss.


What do you think SHE got out of last night?


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

I'd get frustrated too if my husband did that. If you tell her you're going home to spend quality time with HER then do so. The computer will wait and won't get hurt, but the wife will.


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

I can see how you would need a few minutes of downtime and if you checked your email on your computer before joining your wife you probably felt like you could fully enjoy her and not wondering what's sitting in your email, etc. But did you communicate that to your wife? the next time you have to sit her down, explain to her why you did what you did. My husband does similar things and I've learned that it's not because he doesn't love me, but that is the way a guy's mind works. But you need to tell your wife and not expect her to know. She's looking at this from a female perspective which is completely different. (And just a side note - check out your past behavior....have you done this before to her where you said just a few minutes and it turned out to be longer? there might also be a trust issue there that neither one of you are fully aware of??)


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I've actually read several times that it's suggested that a husband (or a wife, for that matter) explain to his wife that he needs 15 minutes of down time as soon as he gets home (if he indeed does; some people don't; I know I do) to decompress. After that, he's all hers. If they just make that an understood, this wouldn't happen.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

To add to the possibility that you have done this before, I think another underlying issue is the likelihood your wife is feeling neglected. Just going on possibility here, I know working midnights is hard on a couple. Plus, you are attending class(es). Plus, life interrupts on a daily basis. Plus, you called her and gave her some consideration, so she was looking forward to that. I can't help thinking the reason you called and said it is because quality time has been an issue. Go ahead and tell us how many times she has complained, and that's the reason you threw her a bone. 

But what happened? What you wanted was the computer, not her. Essentially, you broke your promise, and she's probably tired of competing with the computer (and everything else) anyway. Moreover, and this is probably the worst part, you asked for time to relax with the computer. Seriously? Would it have killed you dead tired to relax with her? To go into the bedroom as she asked, lay your head across her lap, and tell her "_just give me 5 minutes to relax_ right here"? And, how often do you NOT do as she asks?

You're not fooling anyone, not anyone here and especially not your wife. You wanted on the computer, so she had to fall in line and wait her turn as always. You should have called the computer to promise quality time. I bet this is common and perfectly explains why "_this kind of thing just goes around in circles_." Your wife is feeling neglected - that's my take. Why? Because she already told you...."_If you loved me . . ._" That is not new. How many times have you heard it? How many more times are you going to ignore it?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Someone was gonna get lucky but turned it down....

If my wife told me to come to bed right now and the kids aren't to bed yet....

Put on a movie for them, throw some snacks in a bowl, fruit drinks on the table, bedroom door gets locked and it's her time now. Unless WW3 breaks out between the kids, they're on their own


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## fairy godmother (Jun 10, 2010)

cheatinghubby said:


> Someone was gonna get lucky but turned it down....
> 
> If my wife told me to come to bed right now and the kids aren't to bed yet....
> 
> Put on a movie for them, throw some snacks in a bowl, fruit drinks on the table, bedroom door gets locked and it's her time now. Unless WW3 breaks out between the kids, they're on their own


Totally agree...there are ways to do it! I think you shot yourself in the foot by calling her.


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