# Effects on 2 year old



## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Do you think divorce will have a greater impact on a child when they are 2 or they are older?
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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

looking for clarity said:


> Do you think divorce will have a greater impact on a child when they are 2 or they are older?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would say older. My sis in law was 3 and she barely remembers her parents split, so at 2, they likely won't remember at all.
The main thing is to keep their schedules as consistent as possible throughout the transition.
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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I already posted this in your other thread but it bears repeating:

NO. It will be far better now than later. My kids were 4 months, 2 years and 4 years when I left their father, and the oldest was by far the most affected. Even to this day, and he's 24 now. The other two adjusted far, far better.

He is telling you that as yet another way to manipulate you and make you feel guilty. Don't fall for it. STAY STRONG.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Just want to add, the longer the 2yr old is in a toxic environment, the longer his personality/character/behavior may take on traits of that toxicity. 

Younger is definitely better, the memories aren't there and the exposure to toxic behavior will be less in the long run.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I totally agree. He's in a toxic environment. The longer he's there the worse it is for him. 

Your husband is going to do everything he possibly can and say everything he can think of to make you stay. You have to be firm with him about your intentions. He's done a very good job of manipulating you for years. He sees no reason it can't continue.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

So why does he want me to stay if he spent more than half of our relationship cheating on me and verbally and emotionally abusing me? Wouldn't you think he's happier if I leave?
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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

He needs his "perfect" world to live the "devious" one. 

If he has a wife and family he looks like an upstanding person. No one has to know about his dirty secrets.

If he was by himself, without the appearance of the "happy family" he will be forced to look at himself for who he is.

Thats why he hasn't gone to sex therapy or IC. If he really cared about you or saving the marriage he would have made those appointments weeks ago when he got served.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

So he doesn't really love me or my son?
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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

He loves you guys as much as someone as broken as him can. Since he doesn't truly love himself for who he is, romantic love will always be screwed.

You need to ask yourself if that "love" is enough. If having that "love" is fine living with the man you currently live with now, without him changing.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Truthfully, I realize it's a house of cards and a breath of air can topple this. 

Thanks bi bride, his actions are showing he is trying to do the minimum to save this relationship. 

We saw the lawyer last week and ran some figures. He reported his salary but not the stock. He under reported his salary by 100k. It looks like mediation is not going to work but I don't know if I have the fortitude for a long nasty fight. I'm just venting. This sucks.
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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Vent all you want. 

I still think you are being extremely strong considering the pressure he is putting you under. I'm sure its alot as he is terrified his fantasy world might come crashing down. 

Please keep thinking of your son. Do not let him be influenced by that man. He needs a happy, healthy mom - not a stressed out mom. You feel stress, he feels stress. The tension between you two your son feels. Just think of the peace and quiet and the joy of your sons laugh when you two have a place of your own away from that toxic, toxic man.


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

The younger the better from what I've seen.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

looking for clarity said:


> Do you think divorce will have a greater impact on a child when they are 2 or they are older?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Young kids accept things more easily as "just how it is". Case in point, show me a divorce with older adult kids and I'll show you adults acting like two year olds.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

I don't know your story but it's pretty unanimous across the board ... it doesn't matter what age the children are, they are much better off being taken out of a toxic household than being forced to live in one.

While you cannot control another's words or actions, you can control yours and a child is much better off with at least 1 balanced, healthy parent. Instead of having 2 dysfunctional ones crammed in the same household.

My daughter was 5 and my son 3 when we separated. D7 used to bring up situations when we were married still and at first it was hard but it fades in time. S5 just makes things up sometimes .. just to feel like he was a part of it, haha. It's pretty cute.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Husband is serial cheater and verbally abusive and I filed for divorce. He asked me to stay and he'll go to sex addiction therapy, anger management and couples counseling. He also told me that his therapist said the divorce would have a larger impact on my 2 year old because he's impressionable.
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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

*Re: Re: Effects on 2 year old*



looking for clarity said:


> Husband is serial cheater and verbally abusive and I filed for divorce. He asked me to stay and he'll go to sex addiction therapy, anger management and couples counseling. He also told me that his therapist said the divorce would have a larger impact on my 2 year old because he's impressionable.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is the therapist certified in child psychology?

Hes using your son to manipulate you. You cannot believe anything he tells you at this point.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

looking for clarity said:


> Husband is serial cheater and verbally abusive and I filed for divorce. He asked me to stay and he'll go to sex addiction therapy, anger management and couples counseling. He also told me that his therapist said the divorce would have a larger impact on my 2 year old because he's impressionable.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This guy is so far below the bar he can't even see the bar. When someone has to promise to go to three different therapist it's pretty much a waste of time.

Everyone has their own limits I suppose but I don't think being with a serial cheater is ever okay unless you're one as well. Throw in anger management issues and it's a mess. Somewhat like playing a lottery. I think your guy is lying out of his arse. What therapist would guilt someone into sticking it out with an abusive serial cheater. Rhetorical question since the answer is NONE.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

And was he REALLY 100% honest with the therapist?? 

I am going to think no....


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

The therapist is certified in child psychology but I'm sure he didn't tell the truth.
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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

He isn't going to be honest with the therapist and he isn't going to be honest with you about anything in general. 
He's a liar. Why believe him now?


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Because I'm stupid. I'm honest and I guess I expect others to be too.

He doesn't intend to change. I'm reading too good too leave too bad to stay and I think I've had 4 suggestions now telling me to go.
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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Serial cheater, liar, that's enough right there to get yourself out.

If you stay your child will not be raised in a happy home, because living with a liar is the worst nightmare, take it from experience. You'll spend all your time doubting and verifying, a waste of a good person's life-----yours!

The worst age to split is generally when the child is in his teens. 

If you had a daughter would you want her to be married to a man like your husband? What would you tell her?

You are not stupid, just idealistic with the wrong partner. He ain't gonna change and you know that.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I am getting out but he's asking me to stay and promising he'll change. I just don't think he will.
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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

looking for clarity said:


> I am getting out but he's asking me to stay and promising he'll change. I just don't think he will.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


His odds of changing when his environment hasn't are almost zero. I'm not sure if you still love him or not but he's got a better chance of getting better if you guys aren't together. That means your son has a better chance of having a dad who's got his stuff together when you guys split and he has to take ownership of what he lost. Of course some people won't change no matter.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Thundarr, I know I'm enabling him by staying. I do still care for him and I'm angry at him and sad and still kind of shock.
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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

looking for clarity said:


> *Thundarr, I know I'm enabling him by staying*. I do still care for him and I'm angry at him and sad and still kind of shock.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


At the very least you think you're enabling him and I tend to agree. There's always a nagging voice telling you that you could be wrong and that everything can work out but it's just hard to believe the voice. There's so much motive behind it. Let's face it, ending a relationship is sad and scary. It feels like the loss of a family member. You're going to be fine though.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Thank you

I clarified with him last night that I still want a divorce and he said he understood. It comes down to the fact that I can never sleep with him again and I don't feel safe with him anymore. Yes Thundarr, there's a small (and sometimes loud) voice that tells me we have a chance again. But that is over ruled by watching his actions. 

So mediation is the next step.
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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

We divorced when the youngest was in preschool. She really doesn't remember. The transition was rough for the older one because it also involved moving out of state not long afterward. But she turned out great. 

They have both had full lives with opportunities and experiences that have built them into solid kids. 

I don't regret the divorce.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Thanks clip clop : )
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