# My wife reads a lot of romance books. Should I be concerned?



## RandyNH (Mar 23, 2021)

As the title says


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

No.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Why would you be concerned?


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Why don't you engage her in discussion about the hot scenes those books often portray...it may work in your favor.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Is that supposed to be a takeoff on women complaining about their husbands and porn?


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## RandyNH (Mar 23, 2021)

I have heard women reading romance novels was comparable to men watching porn. I’m not sure if it is a way to fulfill something I may not be providing.


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

If she enjoys reading them and it doesn't interfere with your relationship, then what's the problem? 
You need to provide more details if you want constructive advice.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I don't think romance novels are like porn. They do provide an escape. Every single one has a man who loves his woman more than anything else. The man is rich and good looking and his large familiy adores the new woman. They have great sex and he knows what he's doing without being told and she get a real orgasm.

So chances are you are not checking all those boxes. But I've read romance novels before and I can get them out of my head. Or just have vague memories of them. They are an in the moment kind or thing. What little porn I've watched seems to never go away. It will pop into my head at random times. I think reading is a lot different than audio visual. Which is why people enjoy watching something often times more than reading it.

But it is never a bad idea to check in on your marriage. 
Are you still romancing/dating your wife. Does she feel you are her number one priority about jobs, family and friends?\
when you have sex are you sure you get the job done or are you selfish and only out for your own orgasm?
Does she fake it just to get it over with because you aren't doing it right?


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Maybe read a scene together? And reenact it?

How is your sex life otherwise? If it's good and she reads romance novels, I wouldn't discourage it - could be a good source of ideas to keep things fresh. If it has slowed down and she is still an avid romance novel reader then maybe talk to her - is it replacing sex? If not, then I wouldn't be concerned. If it is, then you guys need to have a conversation about that.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

It's not comparable. For one thing, there is no visual. It's just love stories that are how a lot of women wish love was, passionate and the guy is the hero and all that. It's a good sign that she's simply romantic in the ethereal sense, not talking about just sexually.

Also, women don't necessarily use romance novels to masturbate to.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

If a woman was on here saying her husband likes to look at instagram models I doubt anyone would say well those women are young, hot and in shape, maybe you're lacking in one of those areas?

However in general as long as someone can separate reality from fantasy there shouldn't be a problem.

Now if you think it's affecting her expectations, that's different. I have met women who have that Disney princess expectation stuck in their heads. But that's something you would have seen during dating.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If they make her discontent with her partner and life then not a good idea. I don't actually read them, they are very samey and I don't think they would be helpful for my marriage.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

How about you talk to her about it. Try to connect with her.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

nothing to worry about.


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## RandyNH (Mar 23, 2021)

Ok. I think our marriage is solid. I feel things are good. We have similar sex drives and she doesn't let me get away without giving her multiple orgasms.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

My mom used to read piles of those books. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> I don't think romance novels are like porn. They do provide an escape. Every single one has a man who loves his woman more than anything else. The man is rich and good looking and his large familiy adores the new woman. They have great sex and he knows what he's doing without being told and she get a real orgasm.
> 
> So chances are you are not checking all those boxes. But I've read romance novels before and I can get them out of my head. Or just have vague memories of them. They are an in the moment kind or thing. What little porn I've watched seems to never go away. It will pop into my head at random times. I think reading is a lot different than audio visual. Which is why people enjoy watching something often times more than reading it.
> 
> ...


Reading your first paragraph it sounded like my life so that explained why the Mrs doesn’t read them.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I like to read romance novels from time to time. Well, actually, I like to read a wide range of fiction.

Honestly, most women aren't reading romance novels in order to fuel their spank bank. So, if you're thinking that's what's happening for most women who read these, then I'm afraid you'd be sadly disappointed. Are there women who read romance, or more specifically erotica, for that purpose? I'm sure there are. But for most, romance novels are generally a form of escapist fun - like watching cheesy Lifetime movies or dressing up to go to a Ren-Faire. 

In my experience, a lot of women read romance novels for the same reasons a lot of men are into particular sci-fi series. We don't really think the Duke of Somewhere is going to swoop in and slay dragons for us, any more than most guys really think they're going to meet an old guy in a cloak who'll hand them a light sabre and set them on the path to being the savior of the galaxy. But, it's a bit of fun, escapist, fantasy that is usually pretty harmless.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

I wonder how a wife would feel about her husband spending all of his free time reading books about wives who actually want to spend time with their husbands, who initiate sex, who go out of their way to romance their husbands, and the like. Maybe I'm wrong, but I believe at least some of them would be on here complaining, "My husband is reading books that contain perfect women. I feel so inadequate. How am I supposed to compete with 'perfect'?"


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Unless she prefers reading to having sex with you, don't worry about it. 

A lot of them are fantasy so don't go nuts. Do the occasional romantic gesture for her -- a candle lit dinner even if it's take out; dancing in the living room; taking a bubble bath together, etc. -- & things should be just fine.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Sfort said:


> I wonder how a wife would feel about her husband spending all of his free time reading books about wives who actually want to spend time with their husbands, who initiate sex, who go out of their way to romance their husbands, and the like. Maybe I'm wrong, but I believe at least some of them would be on here complaining, "My husband is reading books that contain perfect women. I feel so inadequate. How am I supposed to compete with 'perfect'?"


Nice try!


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Rowan said:


> I like to read romance novels from time to time. Well, actually, I like to read a wide range of fiction.
> 
> Honestly, most women aren't reading romance novels in order to fuel their spank bank. So, if you're thinking that's what's happening for most women who read these, then I'm afraid you'd be sadly disappointed. Are there women who read romance, or more specifically erotica, for that purpose? I'm sure there are. But for most, romance novels are generally a form of escapist fun - like watching cheesy Lifetime movies or dressing up to go to a Ren-Faire.
> 
> In my experience, a lot of women read romance novels for the same reasons a lot of men are into particular sci-fi series. We don't really think the Duke of Somewhere is going to swoop in and slay dragons for us, any more than most guys really think they're going to meet an old guy in a cloak who'll hand them a light sabre and set them on the path to being the savior of the galaxy. But, it's a bit of fun, escapist, fantasy that is usually pretty harmless.


Love your perspective and especially the SiFi angle equivalent for us men. That’s all it really is for men and women. 

I will just throw out this caveat, that sifi will not plant any ideas/desires that might raise our expectations of what we want from our wife but that we husband’s will probably for way short of the men in these romance novels. Could it make my wife feels like , gee JSMART is not even close to Fabio. Maybe I can do better. Just a thought. But I mostly agree it’s a harmless escape.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

D0nnivain said:


> Unless she prefers reading to having sex with you, don't worry about it.
> 
> A lot of them are fantasy so don't go nuts. Do the occasional romantic gesture for her -- a candle lit dinner even if it's take out; dancing in the living room; taking a bubble bath together, etc. -- & things should be just fine.


I knew an older woman like this....
She always had a romance book in her lap. 

She was love starved.

Ah, huh..


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

D0nnivain said:


> Unless she prefers reading to having sex with you, don't worry about it.


Sounds like an excuse that is often used in connection with porn.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Fabio🤣🤣🤣 Some guy's manufactured idea of what women want. The equivalent of the manufactured band 'The Monkees'.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

They are safe ways to escape and explore fantasies the same as any fiction though these have added an emphasis on romance, interpersonal relationships dynamics and fantasy level sex for sure.

"Then Raul took her in his beefy beefcake arms as if she weighed nothing, his urgent kisses igniting her inner furnace, sending delicious flares of heat through her center and womanhood. Then, with an unexpected thrust and only slight resistance, he entered her with his manly manhood." 😋


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sfort said:


> I wonder how a wife would feel about her husband spending all of his free time reading books about wives who actually want to spend time with their husbands, who initiate sex, who go out of their way to romance their husbands, and the like. Maybe I'm wrong, but I believe at least some of them would be on here complaining, "My husband is reading books that contain perfect women. I feel so inadequate. How am I supposed to compete with 'perfect'?"


BTW those romance novels do have mostly perfect women. They are beautiful but don't really know it. They are selfless and usually try to help someone else even to the point of imperiling their own lives. They have orgasms as a virgin with the first penetration. The are always meticulously clean even if they are poor.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> BTW those romance novels do have mostly perfect women. They are beautiful but don't really know it. They are selfless and usually try to help someone else even to the point of imperiling their own lives. They have orgasms as a virgin with the first penetration. The are always meticulously clean even if they are poor.


And every powerful man in the world , good or evil, just has to have them.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Romance novels are fairytales for adults.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I don't think it interferes with normal women's relationships. But I can see how they could. If the person reading got far to into thinking why their significant other doesn't stand up for them. Help them when they need it and such.

I really don't think the sex plays into it as much as the way the women are treated in the novel.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> Romance genre is nothing but Pornography. It is the unrealistic portrayal of relationships packaged for a specific (female audience). Romance robs real relationships of time, intimate conversation, and realistic expectations, in precisely the same manner that Male directed pornography does.


Omg.

I completely disagree with you.

Does watching a Netflix show do the same thing?

Jacking off to porn (images of real people having sex) is nothing like _reading_ a romance novel.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

287... that’s how many e-books I read last year. Not including the ones I re-read and those I read on old fashioned paper. Mostly fiction and a lot of every genre.

I haven’t had one issue discerning fictional characters from reality, or fictional situations from reality. It hasn’t put any demon thoughts in my head, as people used to say when they kept women illiterate. Seems some people still see it this way...

Writing is an art form. It’s meant to enjoyed, contemplated, and consumed.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> I really don't think the sex plays into it as much as the way the women are treated in the novel.


Fifty shades and other "bodice rippers" are definitely sex heavy on a fantasy level.

I do agree that many have the attraction of male characters, who portray masculine ideals, who value the female lead and find her interesting enough to pursue.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

it's pure escapism to read this stuff -- sci-fi, fantasy, romance, etc.. Unless your wife is really unbalanced, there is no way she will think that any of that is REAL life.
Now, saying that, it may be a great opportunity for YOU to step up your romance for her!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

QuietRiot said:


> 287... that’s how many e-books I read last year. Not including the ones I re-read and those I read on old fashioned paper. Mostly fiction and a lot of every genre.
> 
> I haven’t had one issue discerning fictional characters from reality, or fictional situations from reality. It hasn’t put any demon thoughts in my head, as people used to say when they kept women illiterate. Seems some people still see it this way...
> 
> Writing is an art form. It’s meant to enjoyed, contemplated, and consumed.


Women who this is a problem for usually have issues within themselves, with their marriages or both.

The novels themselves are just fantasy and entertainment.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> Fifty shades and other "bodice rippers" are definitely sex heavy on a fantasy level.
> 
> I do agree that many have the attraction of male characters, who portray masculine ideals, who value the female lead and find her interesting enough to pursue.


Fifty shades IS mommy porn -- it isn't a "romance" in the traditional sense of that genre (in all fairness from what I've read about it, the guy is a stalker/manipulator!).


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

jlg07 said:


> Fifty shades IS mommy porn -- it isn't a "romance" in the traditional sense of that genre (in all fairness from what I've read about it, the guy is a stalker/manipulator!).


Fifty shades brought something more into public awareness.

There have been very erotic romance novels with very dubious characters for decades.

Being taken by an unsavory character is a pretty common fantasy that is safely explored in a book.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> Fifty shades brought something more into public awareness.
> 
> There have been very erotic romance novels with very dubious characters for decades.
> 
> Being taken by an unsavory character is a pretty common fantasy that is safely explored in a book.


But fifty shades has a lot more sex than most bodice rippers. In fact many romance novels only have sex 2 times


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> Fabio🤣🤣🤣 Some guy's manufactured idea of what women want. The equivalent of the manufactured band 'The Monkees'.


AMEN sister!

He never did anything for me. I'd take my guy any day of the week over that weirdo.

Ha ha....reminds my of the Big Bang where George Takei is telling Walowitz what women want. Katie Sackoff asks him how he would know and he responds with "I read".
😅😅😅


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Meh. I read romance every night before falling asleep. Now a days I read pg-13 romance series. I guess I've always been a romantic and believe in romantic love. I remember writing my first love letter before learning how write or read at the age of 4. 

I've read cheese novels, erotica novels, cowboy themed novels, classic romance novels, series, etc. 

My husband doesn't mind a bit. He actually let's me use his amazon digital credits to get more books. I don't think my husband feels threatened by a fictional book. Some of the erotica novels were enlightening! I had to Google some of the words they used! LoL!


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> Fifty shades IS mommy porn -- it isn't a "romance" in the traditional sense of that genre (in all fairness from what I've read about it, the guy is a stalker/manipulator!).


Poorly written and completely unrealistic mommy porn at best. What kind of people can have sex 8 times a day and not have some kind of rash?

Yes the relationship was dysfunctional and unhealthy, the main guy was obsessive and the book attempted to glamorize s&m by someone who didn’t seem to understand s&m... and the super rich, devastatingly handsome antihero that needed to be rescued by the virgin.

I have to think if there are women that somehow allowed this story to affect their ethics and personal values they have a pathology of the brain.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

QuietRiot said:


> Poorly written and completely unrealistic mommy porn at best. What kind of people can have sex 8 times a day and not have some kind of rash?
> 
> Yes the relationship was dysfunctional and unhealthy, the main guy was obsessive and the book attempted to glamorize s&m by someone who didn’t seem to understand s&m... and the super rich, devastatingly handsome antihero that needed to be rescued by the virgin.
> 
> I have to think if there are women that somehow allowed this story to affect their ethics and personal values they have a pathology of the brain.


Fifty shades never held any appeal for me, but I've never been into romance novels.

To me they're like most horror movies.....ridiculous.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ha. I guess I'm pathologically damaged then. Cause I enjoyed it for the junk it was and it improved my sex life. and like lifestooshort. I'm not much into bodice rippers but I was looking for something to read and at that point it had worldwide acclaim so I tried it.

But I never wished to be with the main male character.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> Ha. I guess I'm pathologically damaged then. Cause I enjoyed it for the junk it was and it improved my sex life. and like lifestooshort. I'm not much into bodice rippers but I was looking for something to read and at that point it had worldwide acclaim so I tried it.
> 
> But I never wished to be with the main male character.


No, I’m saying if a book changes your ethics and morals. I don’t know anyone that was led into a life of ruin by reading any type of book. 

I read them all too. I read everything and anything of any genre, and if something is about to become a movie, or is getting a lot of news written about it... I’ll read it.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

"Romance" and "romantic comedy" are probably my wife's two favorite movie genres. She doesn't watch R rated (and even some PG-13) because they get too raunchy. I think there is a definite line you cross when you're reading or watching something explicit. Obviously, if you're masturbating too it becomes even more morally wrong.

It would be really tough having a spouse that wanted to full on enjoy explicit books or movies.... kind of nice having your church back you up on what's right and what's wrong. It's part of our human nature to feel lonely and desire love and excitement... but when you start getting your jollies outside of your marriage- yeah, that's a problem. Little sins almost always lead to bigger ones too. The little "harmless" explicit reading or porn watching (mental adultery) can lead to more sins such as covetousness and actual adultery. I know with porn there is an escalation- wonder if this happens with women and romance novels. I used to think Playboy magazine was the most fantastic thing I had ever seen- then the internet porn came around and Playboy was boring. Glad I grew up and escaped the endless death spiral of porn- hope you and your spouse can do the same.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> Ha. I guess I'm pathologically damaged then. Cause I enjoyed it for the junk it was and it improved my sex life. and like lifestooshort. I'm not much into bodice rippers but I was looking for something to read and at that point it had worldwide acclaim so I tried it.
> 
> But I never wished to be with the main male character.


We all have our unnecessary junk we enjoy.

Mine takes the form of chocolate and ice cream 😁

At least romance novels don't threaten your waistline.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I think @SunCMars day job is as a fiction writer- likely writing romance novels... just sayin'

..may be beneath her literary skills though.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Mr. Nail said:


> Having experience, on the other side of the
> 
> I have stated my opinion.
> Please continue defending your use of pornography. I'll need the quotes.


Was I supposed to forward that comment to my mom? I don’t catch what your getting at.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Mr.Married said:


> Was I supposed to forward that comment to my mom? I don’t catch what your getting at.


I just liked your description of the typical volume.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

CatholicDad said:


> "Romance" and "romantic comedy" are probably my wife's two favorite movie genres. She doesn't watch R rated (and even some PG-13) because they get too raunchy. I think there is a definite line you cross when you're reading or watching something explicit. Obviously, if you're masturbating too it becomes even more morally wrong.
> 
> It would be really tough having a spouse that wanted to full on enjoy explicit books or movies.... kind of nice having your church back you up on what's right and what's wrong. It's part of our human nature to feel lonely and desire love and excitement... but when you start getting your jollies outside of your marriage- yeah, that's a problem. Little sins almost always lead to bigger ones too. The little "harmless" explicit reading or porn watching (mental adultery) can lead to more sins such as covetousness and actual adultery. I know with porn there is an escalation- wonder if this happens with women and romance novels. I used to think Playboy magazine was the most fantastic thing I had ever seen- then the internet porn came around and Playboy was boring. Glad I grew up and escaped the endless death spiral of porn- hope you and your spouse can do the same.


I can't respond for all women. But I don't masturbate at all. Certainly not to books. The typical romance book has two sex scenes which are short and use euphemisms often. Most women read them for the excitement of a man really loving a woman so much he'd.....insert absurd plot here. The sex is the culmination of the book or relationship. Sometimes right before or right after marriage.

well 50 shades is an explicit book it too is a romance novel where one of the plot devices is his obsession / thinking of sex in an unhealthy way and them working through that together.

So there I feel like some who describe it haven't read it.

I'm sure some women use romance novels to masturbate or replace their males especially when they feel unloved. It really typically isn't about the sex. The sex is the culmination of a relationship. The book is usually about the meeting and relationship and acts of love, like going to a party he didn't want to go to and rescuing her from her critical family or such. 

Where as porn is used I think primarily for getting excitement and masturbation.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Openminded said:


> Romance novels are fairytales for adults.


Just like porn.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> I don't think it interferes with normal women's relationships. But I can see how they could. If the person reading got far to into thinking why their significant other doesn't stand up for them. Help them when they need it and such.
> 
> I really don't think the sex plays into it as much as the way the women are treated in the novel.


"It's not really about the way the woman looks, it's about the technique. It will teach me techniques and skills that I don't have now." 

(And I'm not a fan of porn. The comparisons and justifications are interesting.)


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sfort said:


> "It's not really about the way the woman looks, it's about the technique. It will teach me techniques and skills that I don't have now."
> 
> (And I'm not a fan of porn. The comparisons and justifications are interesting.)


It's an interesting comparison. Maybe it depends on one's specific objection to porn?

I don't care for porn but it's less about the fantasy then the fact that sex is a bonding experience and channeling sexual energy elsewhere is bad for a relationship.

Do romance novels cause women to channel sexual energy elsewhere? Since I don't care for them I may not be a good person to address that, but I would think if a woman actually masturbates to it then it would be channeling sexual energy elsewhere and that is damaging for the marriage. I wouldn't think women generally are but maybe some do.

Sex, and orgasm in particular, releases bonding chemicals ..if you release those to porn its quite damaging. If that were to also apply to romance novels the same would apply. 

There's also an argument to be made about the exploitive nature of porn which doesn't apply to a book, although with couples that upload amateur stuff maybe that doesn't apply.

So perhaps it depends on the objection reason(s)?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

There are plenty of romance novels that are R-rated but there are also plenty that are PG. Those books began, at least 200 hundred years ago, as G-rated stories about romance and relationships (Jane Austen’s books, for example, from the early 1800’s, are still popular).

Mega ****s appeared later but sex wasn’t the original purpose of the books as it always was in porn. Maybe women are now playing catch-up but I doubt there are as nearly as many women getting off to romance novels of all types as there are men getting off to porn.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

lifeistooshort said:


> Do romance novels cause women to channel sexual energy elsewhere? Since I don't care for them I may not be a good person to address that, but I would think if a woman actually masturbates to it then it would be channeling sexual energy elsewhere and that is damaging for the marriage. I wouldn't think women generally are but maybe some do.


I can't prove it, but I am firmly convinced that most women masturbate and most of them lie about it. Many of them hide it from their husbands who just want to watch.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I don’t need convinced that porn is much more widely used by men and is 1000 times more icky than a romance novel.

In men’s defense though porn is one heck of a powerful snare. I’ve still got the images (even from the first Playboy) burned into my mind- forty years later. You’ve got to pity men and boys ensnared.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sfort said:


> I can't prove it, but I am firmly convinced that most women masturbate and most of them lie about it. Many of them hide it from their husbands who just want to watch.


I didn't ask if women masturbate. I asked if they do it to romance novels.

General masturbation is a different topic; jerking off in the shower is not the same as doing it to porn and we all know it.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Mr. Nail said:


> Romance genre is nothing but Pornography. It is the unrealistic portrayal of relationships packaged for a specific (female audience). Romance robs real relationships of time, intimate conversation, and realistic expectations, in precisely the same manner that Male directed pornography does.


I don't take a hard line on either. If somebody gets all revved up by watching porn, watching the _Hallmark_ channel or _Lifetime_ or reading a romance novel, then they go have sex with their partner & everybody's happy, it's all good. When something takes the place of the spouse then it's a problem. People who play too much golf, work too many hours, are obsessed with the kids or volunteer too much also do damage to their marriages by not spending quality time with their partner. So IMO it's only a problem when the spouse can't lure their partner away from the other activity to spend adult time together.


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## Skruddgemire (Mar 10, 2021)

Heck yes! Be concerned! Those books are awful. Get her reading something decent. Like Eddings, McKiernan, Lackey, Herbert, Heinlein, Grafton...something!

Seriously though. Those books (while I consider them drivel) are pretty much harmless. Yes they have the romance elements, but they also have a story framework to them. One such series my mother read had pirates and sailors from the classical age of sail. Romance on the high sea!

She's been an avid reader of them and my parents are still married 40 years later. It's a fantasy, an escape. It's as much as an escape for them as reading Dune or the Belgariad is for me. It's a way to put down the cares of everyday life and not think about it for a few chapters. 

As long as your relationship is unaffected, it's all good. 

Now if she reads "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" and starts looking at you with a certain gleam in her eye...buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Skruddgemire said:


> Now if she reads "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" and starts looking at you with a certain gleam in her eye...buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride.


I read that one! Anne Rice or a pseudonym I believe. It was a series? I could look it up but I’m lazy. 

I agree with the sentiment though, if it’s going to be erotica make it well written at least. 😂


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## Jadedlilguy (Apr 7, 2021)

Openminded said:


> Is that supposed to be a takeoff on women complaining about their husbands and porn?


Hahaha


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Fifty shades IS mommy porn -- it isn't a "romance" in the traditional sense of that genre (in all fairness from what I've read about it, the guy is a stalker/manipulator!).
[/QUOTE]

If the dude in the book was poor...he would be in prison and registering for life.

SOG is definately porn. My wife says this is worse than porn, because you put yourself in the story. Pictured themselves in the place of the woman in the book. Women think there is no pictures...BS you can't tell me they have not pictured what the man looks like and fantasized she was the one in the book the guy was having sex with. That fantasizing about sex with another besides spouse is Biblical adultry. 

I know 3 women who really got worked up and hot for the mommy smut books.
Hubbys were happy with the uptick in sex. I was like..Dude! Dont you realize they are fantasizing about screwing Grey and you are just a human dildo!

Then 2 out of 3 got so hyper sexualized reading this crap they started affairs and blew up their marriages.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I think many women use romance novels to bridge the gap between what they want in their man and what they actually get. And I don't think it's about the sex parts of the books. It's about how this man is SO in love with the heroine of the book that he will literally risk death just for the chance to be with her. It's about being wanted and loved and appreciated. 


I don't read them because I find them so incredibly unrealistic and silly and I am way too practical for that. I think my other reason for not liking them is the very fact that I've been in a relationship with someone who threatened to kill himself if I left and there was NOTHING romantic about "I just can't live without you." It was absolutely horrific. So I don't look for that in a mate, ever. 

My grandmother read them constantly. She HATED sex. She sent her daughters off to their wedding nights with instructions to "just bear it...it's your wifely duty now" but she LOVED romance novels. 

I never read the 50 shades books but as a woman I heard other women talking about them a lot. They never interested me at all. I know a guy who was grateful to the books/movie at one point because they jumpstarted his sex life with his previously very uninterested wife. She ended up cheating on him and they are now divorced. So much for that.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

A slight threadjack: never read the fifty shades book or saw the movie. Did catch a little of the 50 Shades of Black movie with Marlon Wayans and it is hysterical.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The short answer is no, no worries. 

As long as you're keeping the mrs happy in bed very frequently, that is. If you're the low drive partner and turn her down frequently, that would be the problem. Only in that case.

The rest, you're over thinking it.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Our of pure curiosity, I read the first 10 or so pages of Fifty Shades when it first came out. The writing was SO BAD that I just stopped and deleted it from my device. I don't care how hot the sex is or how into "he can't live without me" a lot of the readers of that series seemed to be, the writing was just awful. Like, '_I've encountered much better writing while helping my Mom grade essays for 9th grade English Lit classes_,' bad.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> They are safe ways to escape and explore fantasies the same as any fiction though these have added an emphasis on romance, interpersonal relationships dynamics and fantasy level sex for sure.
> 
> "Then Raul took her in his beefy beefcake arms as if she weighed nothing, his urgent kisses igniting her inner furnace, sending delicious flares of heat through her center and womanhood. Then, with an unexpected thrust and only slight resistance, he entered her with his manly manhood." 😋


You missed your vocation in life Conan..
Manly Manhood indeed.......😂😂😂😂😂😂


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> You missed your vocation in life Conan..
> Manly Manhood indeed.......😂😂😂😂😂😂


They might pay me to stop it!


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

There is a world of difference between 50 SOG & most romance novels. Think X-rated vs. PG. Most of these books are on the PG-R scale. Few go so far as to a soft porn hint. I still don't see the problem unless the reader is forgoing interpersonal interactions in favor of the books. But the same would be true for any other activities. Preferring work or golf to your relationship is equally problematic.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Anastasia6 said:


> I don't think romance novels are like porn. They do provide an escape. Every single one has a man who loves his woman more than anything else. The man is rich and good looking and his large familiy adores the new woman. They have great sex and he knows what he's doing without being told and she get a real orgasm.
> 
> So chances are you are not checking all those boxes. But I've read romance novels before and I can get them out of my head. Or just have vague memories of them. They are an in the moment kind or thing. What little porn I've watched seems to never go away. It will pop into my head at random times. I think reading is a lot different than audio visual. Which is why people enjoy watching something often times more than reading it.
> 
> ...


Depends on the novel, some of them can get very specific and graphic.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

We lost the OP along the way.

All you can really do is keep the romance going in your relationship. Never stop dating your wife. Be the lead in your marriage.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Let's not forget all the eat pray love divorce porn. That would be more of a concern than reading about vampires humping.


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## A.Dora.Belle (May 5, 2021)

I read romance novels by certain authors because they are just good books! I love Diana Palmer. I love Nora Roberts (especially her urban fantasy romances). Some of those books actually do have well written plots and shouldn't just be dismissed out of hand as "romance" novels. Even the great sci-fi/fantasy writer Anne McCaffrey wrote a few novels that could be counted as romance! I tend to just skip the sex scenes because they don't interest me at all.
Now as far as romance novels that are nothing but "bodice rippers" - BORING. I won't return to an author that writes those kinds of books.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Some of the porn that's currently available demonstrates some really creative techniques that will help couples with their lovemaking. And the cinematography has improved dramatically over the years.


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## hanz7 (6 d ago)

I feel anything in excess can be an issue. My wife reads "romantic novels" all the time. Which isn't the issue, it's the sense of withdrawal I feel by her going straight to our bedroom after work, and reading the late into the night and then wakes on early in the morning to read could be concerning. And quickly changing of closing the book app when someone walks in. Again reading erotic novels isn't an issue. It's the secretive and secluded behavior is something that could indicate a deeper issue. Or it could be nothing. But the point is to have open dialog and hopefully come to a healthy understanding.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Zombie thread... closed


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