# Am I a jerk?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

For obvious reasons I always get considered a whiner whenever I share how frustrated I am with the missus' high sex drive, that I'm used to... but one of our close mutual friends also feels that I'm being a real jerk at the moment not for "complaining" but for how I'm sexually withdrawing from her completely at present. She really feels unwanted and unloved right now.

The stupid thing is that I'm actually rather frightened right now of making it worse because she may initiate even if I try to comfort her and if I say no it'll end up in another fight that I'm BSing that I do love her and crap. If I give in she may stop seeing this seriously right? :scratchhead:

I don't know what to do... can't believe I'm so indecisive over this... putting her past behind, any woman will feel unwanted and unloved in this situation yes? =/


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> For obvious reasons I always get considered a whiner whenever I share how frustrated I am with the missus' high sex drive, that I'm used to... but one of our close mutual friends also feels that I'm being a real jerk at the moment not for "complaining" but for how I'm sexually withdrawing from her completely at present. She really feels unwanted and unloved right now.
> 
> The stupid thing is that I'm actually rather frightened right now of making it worse because she may initiate even if I try to comfort her and if I say no it'll end up in another fight that I'm BSing that I do love her and crap. If I give in she may stop seeing this seriously right? :scratchhead:
> 
> I don't know what to do... can't believe I'm so indecisive over this... putting her past behind, any woman will feel unwanted and unloved in this situation yes? =/


My analogies suck but I'll try. If someone you loved was dying from lung cancer and they kept begging for a smoke and you wouldn't give it to them because it's bad for them - are you cruel? 
She is sick. Sex is her sickness. Are you cruel for not giving in? You aren't 'punishing' her, but you can't just give in to her. You aren't trying to manipulate her, unfortunately what can you do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

True, but it aint exactly lung cancer... and she's already doing counselling, and that she just wants to feel loved, wanted, and cared for after this pain I put her through... I don't know =/

I'm not disagreeing with you, I know she needs to work through her addiction but at the same time I'm feeling like such an prick. Normally I would make up with her at this point...

Maybe I'll do something non-sexual for her tomorrow, something romantic. I'll just have to be sure to "break free from the web once I approach the black widow" though otherwise she might suck me dry again. Maybe this can help too in a way?

I don't know... even when I was lovey dovey this year she still built up resentment over being turned down for sex so it's not enough to forfill her but it can help yes?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> True, but it aint exactly lung cancer... and she's already doing counselling, and that she just wants to feel loved, wanted, and cared for after this pain I put her through... I don't know =/
> 
> I'm not disagreeing with you, I know she needs to work through her addiction but at the same time I'm feeling like such an prick. Normally I would make up with her at this point...
> 
> ...


Yes it can! Hey I warned you I suck at analogies. What do experts say about easing back into sex with an addict?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well I'm not exactly interested in easing back into sex, more willing to just attempt to show my love for her without finding myself back in between her "fangs". This is rather weird, normally it's the man who wants the sex all the time and the lady who wants the romance!

The problem is that she gets more in the mood with all the lovey dovey stuff... that's what I'm afraid of, I might be teasing her with a meal she can't have =/ And then she'll go crying again...

Meh


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

To answer your question. Are you a jerk? No, a jerk wouldn't care. It's obvious you do care.

She associates love with sex. She needs to be taught that love and sex are two totally different things. When you withhold sex she sees it as you are withholding your love from her. She then wants sex more, because she is demanding you to love her. She wants reassurance that the marriage is good, that her security with you is good. When you withdraw from her sexually she then panics fearing you are separating yourself from her. That you don't love her.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

It took me a year or so on these forums to actually believe there are men out there that won't take it twice a day (3 times a day?) if it's offered. I just don't get that.

That's all. I have nothing to offer.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Here's a Yiddish proverb

"When a mother calls her child bastard, you can take her word for it."


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The missus' desire is minimum 3 sessions a day which can last around an hour or two each, and each session can involve multiples, and they do not end until she's satisfied with both my performance as well as hers. 

And... If I don't perform for any reason she puts on her helmet:










So... It's not like she offers herself to me multiple times a day for solely my enjoyment, the fact is she demands it multiple times a day for HER enjoyment and satisfaction.

Still... I don't know, I don't like her seeing her all broken down and crap like she is now. Meh...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Everyone dies. May as well be from this.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> The missus' desire is minimum 3 sessions a day which can last around an hour or two each, and each session can involve multiples, and they do not end until she's satisfied with both my performance as well as hers.
> 
> And... If I don't perform for any reason she puts on her helmet:
> 
> ...


What do you do with your baby with these sessions? How on earth would you find time? Plus clean up after every session - like shower, hair and make-up?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Runs like dog

Death by snu snu eh? Meh... I'm the green dude:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzXVj4Sw7uE

@Golfergirl

My daughter does save me from time to time, another reason why I actually want her to grow up faster so she can save me more times. My wife is a stay at home mum herself, sometimes she does help out at work but that's about it. In the past I've been late repeatedly for work until we started our sessions earlier which reduced my time for sleep - despite having to work 12 hour days, 7 days a week.

And I was always the one kicked out of bed for midnight "waaah waaahs"... it was very draining. In between lunch and dinner shifts was our usual 2nd sessions. And for the evening sessions my personal time was severely limited.

Since taking over the business I also have less excuses to turn her down in terms of work as I pretty much don't do anything either than sleeping in my office most of the time. I own the place now anyway.


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