# its over



## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Hes filing tomorrow. So much for hope. So much for happiness. I am crushed.
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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Are you sure he is filing or is he just threatening to do it?

I am so sorry you are hurting.
I promise you, it does get easier. Just take things one minute at a time if you need to.
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## singleinjanuary (May 18, 2011)

I agree with one minute at a time. Sometimes, that's all you can cope with!!! I don't know if you're religious at all but if you are, pray pray pray, god will see you through. You are not alone!!!!


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

I don't see why he would only be making a threat, he hasn't done that through the whole separation.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Start calling up lawyers


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## singleinjanuary (May 18, 2011)

it's so hard when they lead you down the garden path for their own selfish reasons. You don't want to be naive but you can get sucked in so easily. It seems so unfair, but focus on living for you!! YOU are worth it!!


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

No lawyers. I'm not disputing it. It's over. We only had an apt. No kids.
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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Hi sadsuzy. I am very sorry you're going through this. You're not alone. We sound like we might be in a somewhat similar situation. I truly hope this didn't happen to you-but I was someone's emotional booty call for the past year. I feel like such a doormat and now *I* am the one paying for the lawyer since someone wants a divorce but is too lazy to make it happen.

Hang in there. We will both be ok.


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## d1221 (Mar 13, 2011)

I am with you. I cannot take blame and will not. What the heck he did not know b4 today he was going to tell you that.

We agreed to pay 1/2 trying to do uncontested to save money. I am at the point I will pay his half to get the ball rolling because once filed it will be done in month in a half. To know he is out doing whatever hurts more I want to be legally done with this so I can try to push forward. Staying in limbo is more of a benefit for him prolonging financial aspect of the toll of this. It is going to b hard $$ for me to but it is what it is. I dont want to feel like I am being played while he prolongs process and avoids me no matter what. If its like that just make it final as planned he never has to see me again...problem solved.
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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

If I didn't pay to have the papers drawn up, I would still be legally married when the put me into the ground when I'm 95. He can pay for the filing, though. I'm sure sending a check when all he has to do is sit there on his lazy @ss won't be an issue. I am done crying for the day. Now I am furious. I hope he trips on something in the middle of the street tomorrow and people think about it all day and laugh at him.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Is anyone still awake on here. I can't sleep. Mind is racing.
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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Sadsuzy, I can read you are getting stronger in this whole ordeal. LIke you we rented a condo, and have no children together, so when it is time to do the deed, HE will have no problems from me. However I am not going to pay for his search for happiness. I posted a song in my thread that has helped me realized that I will make it through this and whatever else might come along.Check it out and I pray that we all find comfort and answers to our situations.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Hey everyone, when I started posting I didn't know we were supposed to stick with one thread, so I apologize for the inconvenience, ill stick to this one unless someone posts on another. 


Anywho, Hesnothappy, "stronger" hmmm? I wonder if that's the word I'd use to describe myself. It truly is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I do know that things will get better. And with the help of God ill get through this. And you guys too!!! You all have been so helpful. Your stories, advice and thoughts have made a world of a difference. Today, I'm feeling....okay, I've been worse and I've been better. I can't get myself to move though!!! I wish I had the strength in me to do that!
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hope you are feeling better today.
My H filed and had to pay the court costs but I had to pay my own damn lawyer. Honestly he shoulda paid for the attorney being that he wanted the divorce. LOL.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Thanks, Jellybeans, I'm hanging in there! Although, I am having difficulty with blame. No matter what I say or post, I do feel as if I am the one to blame. I blame myself over and over again. " maybe I did this wrong" or "if I only I would have done this" Blame and regret. And its really bringing me down. Any advice? 

Re: Yes, I agree you shouldn't have to pay for anything. I know I won't be. And he hasn't asked me to. However, we aren't hiring lawyers, not at the moment anyway.
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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

sadsuzy, I don't want to hijack your post here and I won't but since the subject on here seems to be about divorce filing, I thought I would ask JellyBeans one question.

If you do not work with a lawyer during the time of separating all of your finances, belongings, etc. and you are both level headed and there is absolutely no disagreement about finances and money (we both make pretty much the same salary and can make a very comfortable living on our own, and we agree on how we are going to eliminate all of our debt so we can both walk away debt free) are we going to have to pay some ridiculous amount of money to a lawyer and the courts just to sign and file paperwork. I mean, we are working that out amongst ourselves and so far there no disagreement. I guess it's easy becuase we are both professionals and we make an even salary; hers is just a tiny bit higher than mine but I don't care. There will be absolutely nothing contending the divorce, we have no children living with us - irreconcialable differences. So what are the courts going to nail me for if they aren't really doing anything - I mean, I can understand the court fees, but those should be minimal. It would be nice if we could both just go in there without a lawyer and get the thing signed and be done with it.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Well, Im not texting, calling or emailing. So I'm clueless. Husband told me yesterday, he was filing for divorce today. I can't quit wondering if he did it. When will I know?
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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

When a process server shows up with paperwork I believe :/

Well, that is unless you're in a position where he can call you to sign the papers either together or have someone look at them and you go in and sign them when you can.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Brighterlight, if you have an uncontested divorce, you can do the paperwork yourselves. You both sign it, submit it, and, if the process is like it is in my state, you meet in front of the judge on the day of the pre-trial hearing and s/he will go through the key points, and can grant the divorce then. 

I did all our paperwork, divided everything 50/50--we have a house, debts, and children! But neither of us used an attorney. It was very simple and straightforward. Our salaries are similar enough that I only asked for modest child support ($215/month). We left the agreement open to change for up to 3 years, but after that, nothing can be changed. Mostly we work out any changes involving the kids ourselves. The bottom line is, if you are in agreement, the court is likely to accept that unless there is a clear disadvantage to someone in the agreement. 

If you have few or no assets and no kids, it should be even easier. Good luck.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Your lawyer can receive it for you.
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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

There aren't going to be any lawyers involved. I just want to sign the papers and be done with it. ??? I don't know what to expect!
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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Sisters, thanks for the info about filing. Yes, i am hurt by my situation but i look around tbis forum and wonder how some of these folks on here can get through it. I see so many less fortunate than me and I feel deeply sad for them. Strong individuals all of them especially the ones with younger children. Makes me wonder how spouses can be so cruel to each other after being a part of one another.
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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Brighterlight. "How can spouses be so cruel to eachother after being a part of one another" 



I ask myself this question on a daily basis.
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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Woke up today, with knots in my stomach. :'( Yesterday was so much better. Why is today so much worse?
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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

You'll get there. One day at a time. Try your best not to think about what he's doing or thinking, because you can't know that answer. You can only control you. Start putting YOU first and thinking about who YOU are independent of him. I know it's hard to think that way, but once you see your life without him and envision it, mourn the past, but embrace the future, you'll get stronger each day. HUGS!


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Well, you think you know someone. You really think you do. My husband, well ex husband is m........................



you know what, i was ready to go off on a rant about him, then paused. hes just not worth it. he really isnt.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

So, here I go again.....


It literally hurts to sit in a restaurant without him. We did absolutely nothing without eachother. How the heck is he taking this so easily?
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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

suzy-

This is my second marriage, I've been down this road. While this separation from my H is killing me, I know I'll be ok.

When my first H & I divorced, I was devastated. I was with him from the time I was 16 until we divorced at 25. We have 2 kids together. There were times I seriously thought about ending my life, but I knew that no matter what I would say in a goodbye letter to my kids, I know they would never understand and I just couldn't do that to them.

The point of me telling you this is not because I want you to feel sorry for me, but because not only did I get through that terrible time, I became a stronger person because of it. I look at my ex husband now and can't believe I ever loved him. He is a stranger to me now. We are amicable and have a decent relationship, but I am thankful that we are no longer married.

My one piece of advice to you is if you are not in counseling for yourself, please go. A divorce can really mess you up inside and make you feel jaded when it comes to love. I had so many unresolved issues from my first marriage that trickled into my 2nd because I wasn't smart enough to deal with anything, I just swept things under the rug. You have to get things right in your mind so you will not be bitter towards all men. For every dirt bag out there, there is someone wonderful. It's unfortunate that we don't hear enough about the good ones.

I promise you that one day, you will look back on this and be so proud of all you have gone through. You WILL find happiness again.
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## BluePink (Apr 2, 2011)

Suzy, I thought I knew my husband too. I thought we did everything together as well...but obviously we didn't because he had an EA without me. I hope, like you, that some day I won't feel like my heart has been ripped out of my body. Some day I hope to be happy, to smile and laugh again, and maybe, just maybe, to love again.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

You all hang in there. Suzy and blue dont think that all men are the same. Like DG said there are many good ones out there. I am not saying that i am an example of one of the best ones because God knows i had my flaws and a failed marriage in the end but i stuck by my W for 36 yrs. Never once did my love waiver for her. Never cheated on her, never abused her in any way. Have a wonderful family. I was going to grow very old with her and always knew that we would be together at the end of our lives. We were going to have many more yearz together. I was there by her side every single day when she was fighting a terrible illness. And in the end, she told me she wanted to divorce. So hang in there, there are many great guys out there. Have no doubt about that.
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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

So, today is the big move. I'm off to start my life over. I'm off to live for ME. Lots of packing to do. And a beautiful drive out West is plenty of medicine for today. 

DG: Thank you once again for your kind words. And thank you for your honest story. Sometimes, I feel like just sleeping my life away may be easier. But there is something in me that gets me up and gets me moving. It may be a small "something" but its there and its growing, and ill be stronger soon enough. I will be seeking counseling next week. I can't pretend that I'm able to do this on my own, so I won't even try. 

Blue Pink: I'm sorry you're hurting and I believe me, I know my "sorry" doesn't make it go away. But like DG says we will get better and we will be stronger. 

It justs takes time. I keep telling myself, this is how its supposed to be, this is happening for a reason. We will laugh, smile and love again, all in due time. Take care.

Brighterlight: You seem to be going through a very rough time and I am so sorry to hear it. I will tell you, I don't hate all men, I know there are some really great guys out there, I just have no intention of meeting one right now. And I really don't know how long its going to take before I give my whole heart away again. Maybe never.. yes ill love..but I don't know if I have it in me to love with my whole soul.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Welcome to your new ME Suzy, I think the new us will be better than that older version. We will move forward and encounter people who will love us right. Go get it ;o)


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Hesnothappy: the new us will be better and I am trying to embrace it as much as I can. 


Well, today was a good day. My husband and I haven't spoken in days. We had sort of a falling out. We were on speaking terms, being civil, at times even making jokes with one another, but he became very sneaky with the way he was handling things. He also began to treat me like a piece of crap, bad mouthing me, and just being down right nasty!! So I told him, look we obviously can't be friends and I told him we won't be talking anymore. Honestly though, I think not speaking to him is much easier than speaking to him. I don't really care what he's doing. I know now, I don't need to be with someone that doesn't respect me.

I've moved in with family and have started job hunting and school searching. : ) As much as I didn't want this divorce to happen, I do believe, now, that its the best thing for ME. It's going to take some time, but I am 100% confident that this is just one bad part of my story and things will get better.  

My hopes and prayers are with you all.  Everything is going to be okay!!
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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I am so happy that you have come to this realization Suzy, good for you! Just so you know, it is perfectly normal to have moments of strength as well as moments of weakness. So if you wake up tomorrow and feel sad and depressed, just know that those feelings are completely normal.

I am proud of you for going to counseling. Some people view counseling as something for weak people, but I think it is the opposite. It takes a lot of strength to admit that you need some help. You are going all about this the healthy way. 

It is really too bad that your H has resorted to being nasty to you, and your taking the high road by choosing not to engage in childish behavior.

You need to reach your left arm around your right shoulder and give yourself a pat on the back because you have come a long way. There are times that you might not feel like it, but all the baby steps add up.
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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Sad, thanks yes, we are all going through a rough time. Me for exactly what you said about never being able to love again with your whole heart. I don't know if I can ever find it within myself to love someone as much as I loved my stbxw. She was my childhood sweetheart. It never even crossed my mind in 36 years that we would not be there with each other in the at the end of our lives. I certainly have a long way to go and a lot of mending to do. So thank you and yes, i think i can relate to the way you feel. I am so glad you are on your way to a better life. Good luck out west and get a ton of ME time.
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

brighterlight said:


> Me for exactly what you said about never being able to love again with your whole heart. I don't know if I can ever find it within myself to love someone as much as I loved my stbxw.


You can and you will. It just doesn't seem like it right now because your heart is broken. But it does mend and you will love again.



sadsuzy said:


> As much as I didn't want this divorce to happen, I do believe, now, that its the best thing for ME. It's going to take some time, but I am 100% confident that this is just one bad part of my story and things will get better.


Don't even think of it as a bad part of the story. Just think of it as one story in the grand scheme of your life. Now, you're open up to more story-having.  You have the right attitude...Onwards and upwards.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

JB, like always, thank you for the encouragement. It's strange but I don't feel like my heart is broken, I just don't feel like I have a heart at all. I think it's been ripped out and trampled on, and really, I just don't feel anything right now, neither good or bad. It's like being under anesthesia. I wonder if that is worse than a broken heart. Oh well, I do 100% believe you in that it will mend, I am just afraid it will be longer than I anticipate.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Okay guys I need some advice. My name is still on the lease to the apt my husband and I were sharing. He is still living there and I have moved to a different state. I am worried since the lease isn't up for almost a year that he may not be able to cover it. And he may take off on the lease. Now we've spoken with the ppl at the apt complex and there's a way for me to get off the lease but he has to make 3 times what he's making now. Is there anything that I can do legally to get my name taken off of the lease since were going through a divorce. Hope someone can help. I'm awful nervous about all of this.
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you have an attorney, ask them about what you can do.
Also, see if you can talk to the landlord there directly and explain your situation (that you moved out of state, you're divorcing) and see if she/he can work something out for you.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Suzy, I am in the same predicament. I just paid up till the end of the lease an hope the jerk I married repays me. You may see what the buy out from the lease my be cost and just end it early. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.


Protect your credit score first.


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## BluePink (Apr 2, 2011)

Brighterlight: You are an inspiration to me that your outlook can be so positive despite such a horrible loss. I will try very hard to think of you when I am about to do or say something stupid to my STBX.

Thank you so much for being here and bringing your positive message!!


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

BP, your welcomed. I am glad we are all on here to support each other. You will become a better stronger person after this. This is a journey that no one wants to take but once you get through it, you are so mjch the wiser. Learning from your mistakes u a better person; teaches you humility which in turn makes you able to comfort others. You cant buy this kind of education. You dont want it either.rr
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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Ugh, still have no clue whats going on with my divorce. What a pain in the butt!! Once one files, about how long before you receive the papers in the mail?


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## BluePink (Apr 2, 2011)

I think it really depends on a lot of factors, Suzy. If you have an attorney, I'd ask her/him.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

i cried tonight. buckets.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Me too. When does this end? I was reading about Sarah Mclachlan and she talks about her divorce and how long it took to get over it and feel whole, seems like we got awhile to go ;o( I pray I can just get over it soon. I am soooooooooooo tied of the crying thingy.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

I think it depends. The more I think about "getting over it" the more it lingers, soooo, I am just trying to live my life and not worry about "getting over it" ...it will come, surely. 

Curious: Mom and I had an argument tonight. She cant seem to keep my soon to be ex husband and my name out of her mouth. She has the whole family knowing my business and its EMBARRASSING. Any advice on how to deal with a judgmental family? And, Any advice on HOW NOT to care what they are saying or thinking? I worry so much about what other people think. How can I put this worry out of my head? I think I have enough on my plate for the time being!


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Oh suzy - Mine are the most judgemental I know. When I see them, all I want is to get some sense of comfort and peace from them, some fair understanding of me and stbx. They can't stand her now, they are so angry inside. They told me they do not ever want to see her again, well how do you do that if she is the mother of their grandchildren, will be there when the great grandchildren come along and we have our sons wedding in November. How do you just shut out 36 years of us being married. I am so tired. I, like you, have to deal with an impending divorce, angry judgemental parents (and sister), and learning to be alone. It's too much for one heart to take. I am so sorry we have to go through this. I wish I could offer you some guidance but I am afraid my solution is a sad one, I wouldn't advise it to anyone in our situation and that is that I try to stay away from them as much as I can. I still see them, but not as much as I would like to. Until they can overcome their anger and hatred, I don't want to be around that; I am too weak to handle new drama - therefore, I am alone, at home, right now, by myself. Not what I would prefer.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

sadsuzy said:


> i cried tonight. buckets.


I'm sorry you were so sad, but if you are anything like me, after I cry, I feel wiped emotionally, but I also feel better. My therapist says we do the most growing when we are in the midst of pain, and I believe that to be true.
I know how hard this is right now, but at least take comfort in knowing that it won't last forever.
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Suzy, it does get better. I promise. Try focusing on things that make you happy.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Apparently, I am the ...and I quote, "the unapproachable" if more than one person has said this about me, does it make it true. And if so, if I am hard to approach, does that make me a bad person. 


Advice? I'm really questioning myself right now. 
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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Suzy, you only know you. Sometimes people perceive you based on assumptions gathered from the bad times they remember. For some reason, we as human beings tend to remember the negative rather than the positive. Maybe its because to remember the negative bad feelings are built into our survival instincts. I am willing to bet that those that tell u that have forgotten the many more positive things about you. With that said, we need to remember that we are learning from this experiene on how to become better people. I for one, will strive to change whatever it is about me that my stbx said was a problem in our relationship. I will reflect on it and determine whether I truly believe it was a valid description of some of me. I will do that.
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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

It doesn't make it true in the least. What matters is how we perceive ourselves, if you think your spirit can use some fine tuning there is no day like today to make a change. As long as you are above the ground, you can become anyone or thing you like. I can tell you are not a bad person, just by your writing style ;o)


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

i hate life.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

sadsuzy said:


> i hate life.


Me too! BUT I HOLD OUT HOPE AND FAITH THAT I WON'T LATER. Hang in there Suzy.
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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Oh suzy never say that. It's an easy thing to say sometimes, I know. I had a HORRIBLE week. Every day was a new nightmare and I wanted to say the exact same thing. Now it's Saturday, I am going to watch 10 movies and lay on the couch all day and not think of any of the crap that plagued me. We'll be fine!


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

No you don't. Concentrate on a good time you have experienced in life and dwell on that. Life is for living, and to be lived well. We are in recovery mode and one day soon....Enjoyment will return for us all ;o) at least that is what I am praying for.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well you probably are not very approachable right now going through this trauma. I know I sure as hell wasn't when i first separated from my husband. I was miserable too and personally wouldn't have wanted to be around me if I was someone else. Talk about depressing company! LOL


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Suzy,

What's going on?
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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Hey guys! Thanks for the encouragement. I am doing okay, Im sorry I even posted that comment. I am living with a married couple for a few weeks, until I find an apartment, and lets just say..I heard some things I really didnt want to hear. Eh, oh well, thats life! No one else is supposed to stop living theirs because my life isnt going well. 

Jellybeans: totally agreed, im such a bore! I try I really do, but some days are just tougher than others. We will be okay though! I really do think so...my 5 sad days out of the week will soon turn to 3, then 1, then a thought of him may pass by every once in a while and ill think "man i miss him" and then itll be gone. Life goes on, and mine will too.  WE will all MOVE ON and we will all be A-OKAY! 

Brighterlight: I am so sorry your family is judgmental as well. I understand our families just truly care about us...but their anger, worry and judgement does not help us! It actually just creates a bigger burden on top of the one we are already carrying.......
Very true about people only remembering the negative! I also want to grow from this and change any and all bad things about myself. When I think about that though, I think about the past and how I wish I could change it, which is a useless thought, but a nagging one, nonetheless. Thank you so very much for your constant advice on my thread! You are wonderful. 

hesnothappy: Thanks for being so positive. During such a negative time in my life, Im glad to be surrounded by optimism.  I really dont think I am a bad person. I do think Im stubborn and hard-headed, which is what I will be fine-tuning. I do need to fix some areas of myself. No one wants to go head on with a bull.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

DG: thanks for checking up on me, but i am okay, i just was NOT enjoying my environment last night........
also, i too feel wiped out after crying, however cleansed as well. as if, it was something I needed to do, something refreshing about it, i suppose. .....I was going through all of our old photos and placing them in a separate folder, one i do not have to frequent and I just broke down. Some days I wish I could be back in his arms.  others...i know this divorce is the right thing to do.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

Hi sadsuzy,

- HUGS - 

We are on the same boat and I know it hurts like hell and sometimes the pain is way beyond imaginable. I don't know how I will cope if ever we discuss divorce in the future.

We also don't have any kids. I got pregnant once but resulted in a m/c, sometimes I thought if only we had that baby then maybe he would have more reason to stay. 

I am leaving everything to God and hope for a huge miracle.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

yourbabygirl: hey there! im sorry you are feeling so down. and dont give up or lose hope! i hope things work out better for you than they did for me. I am so very sorry to hear that you had a m/c, that must have been tough! i myself have never been in that situation so i cannot relate but i still am so sorry to hear it. and yes, about the children thing, i thought that for awhile, wished we had had kids. but honestly i think if one or both people are unhappy in their marriage, children will further complicate things and they may even be damaged by the unhappiness. 

my hopes and prayers are with you. and no matter what happens, life goes on and WE will be okay.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

well, he hasnt filed yet. i wish i could say its because hes hesitating. but i cant, i just dont feel that thats his reason for not filing. i just think hes too busy or it costs too much. ugh.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

I can't quit thinking about him today. It's really frustrating. I don't want to miss the man anymore!
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## singleinjanuary (May 18, 2011)

sad where are you from? Here in VA we have to be separated for a year before we can file for divorce


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Not where he's supposed to be filing. No minimum.
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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Suzy,

You might have to do what I did for a while, and that is wear a rubber band around your wrist and then snap it when the thought of him crosses your mind. It sounds very cheesy but it works. 

There could be a million reasons why he hasn't filed yet, please don't spend any more time dwelling on it. You'll drive yourself crazy.

As for the photographs, that is really hard. I took down all of our photos because I couldn't look at them anymore. It just hurt so much.

I've shed many tears today, so I know how you feel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

Suzy,

I pray for you and all of us who are suffering at this point. Reading about other people's story doesn't make the pain go away but opened my eyes that I am not the only person in this world who is in the current situation staring into the 'D-word.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

man, 1am and still missing him. i dont know why but the past few days have been hard.  sorry to be a downer...but i have to release somewhere. i refuse to let my family and/or stbx know how sad i truly am. 

hopes all around! please, i pray you all are feeling better than i am.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

Hi Suzy,

ray: Sleep is also tough to get. Yeah, I am using message boards like these one to release my sadness and vent my frustrations. I also haven't talked to my family yet, I haven't told anyone except my girl best friend who is in another country. I used Lifeline as a my primary support system and this message board. 

HUGS to you! You are not alone, I am also sad and suffering but when I pray, I feel quite strong and not give up. Hope the same for you. I'll include you in my prayers.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Suzy I understand how you feel. I just woke up from a nightmare and even though it's been 3 months, I still find myself reaching for my H.

It's such an emotional roller coaster, and I don't know about you, but I'd give anything to get off of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

DQ, same here.. Husband usually sleeps on the left side of the bed for the past 4 years we're together. Now whenever I reached out, it's just a pillow I can grab. Then I'll begin crying and I cannot go back to sleep. Husband is in fact worried because he knows I frequently have nightmares even before, he said he is willing to sleep over if it would help. It's not about sex. 

My nightmares are actually horrible and now he's not here to comfort me, I'm not really doing well.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

I am a witness, it does get easier. Sleep return and I am feeling better about things. I can even discuss this issue with people without breaking down ;o) I have told almost everyone I have come in contact with, just have not announced it on FB or anything like that LOLOL Prayer is what has saved me. My faith life is strong and getting stronger as God is where I get my resolve and strength from a present help in my time of trouble. I pray for all those going through this issue and any health issue to be made whole.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

sadsuzy said:


> man, 1am and still missing him. i dont know why but the past few days have been hard.  sorry to be a downer...but i have to release somewhere. i refuse to let my family and/or stbx know how sad i truly am.
> 
> hopes all around! please, i pray you all are feeling better than i am.


This is the safe zone to be a downer! I feel people really need a place to vent this stuff. I don't want to be a toxic, negative force in everyone's lives, you know? I like coming here because we're all leaning on each other and never get sick of hearing about the pain. I've only been here a very short time but I have gotten so much out of this forum. I appreciate all of you more than you know


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

@ Staircase, I know what you mean. This has become a fortress for me. I hate that others are hurting as much as me, but it is comforting to know that I am not alone. We are all connected by a single decision.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I save all my drama about my marriage for these boards.
Reason being is I really don't care to hear what my friends/family have to say about my situation. I don't need anyone else clouding my judgement. I have to do what is best for me.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Suzy, I have those long down days to, but then, I find myself feeling some sort of relief that I will be in a less srtressful situation not bring together anymore. Toxic, is the right word that DG is using to describe our relationship over the past 5 years. I don't know though because I thought that many times over that five years, we were having a great time together. Apparently not. Anyways, I had one of those nights on Friday night where I was so down I felt like dying. Yesterday, I was busy moving my daughter and I found myself feeling better just by being around them, the movers, her friend. I think that we need to be around people who are not going to be judgemental, cloud our judgement as DG said. For some of you on here that have not told your family, I feel for you. It must be such a hard situation to be in. I had no choice but to tell mine, we are all in the same town and they would figure out right away anyway. It did not go down like I wanted it to; they were really upset at her; they still are. I wish I had them to lean on but like you said suzy, who wants more crap piled up on top of what we already have. I know they love us, but quite honestly, if they have never experienced the pain of a divorce, they really don't have any idea of how to PROPERLY help you; in there minds, they are standing up for you - give them time. I want to also thank you all for being here for me. I wish I could be one year out into my future and be looking back on this time instead of being in it right now, but I know we have to go through the pain - it's what Christ teaches us in his suffering in the Passion.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

i think i'm still quite on the early stages but when I read the stories of other people here, it helps me prepare for the worst. 

but i'm still keeping a tiny room of hope inside my heart. I just ask God to give me the strength to hold onto that hope.


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

Sadand

It is so hard to let go. I am dealing with infidelity on top of everything so my husband has really checked out. I do feel that if he was left alone he would want to come back and would miss me and our life. While she is keeping him warm at night he doesn't miss me or our life.

Mine has done nothing as well to let me know he changed his mind but I know I have to leave him behind.

Your H may still change his mind especially if there is no one else. You have better hope than I do.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

I dreamed the most horrible dream last night. I dreamed my husband had come for a visit, while with me, we were having such a good time, I said to him, "dont you feel happy with me?" and he said, "yes, I do miss being in your arms." We were on our way back to our apartment and I woke up. Sad thing is, it took me a second to realize he _never_ really said that and it was all a dream. 

In response to everyone:::

I cannot thank you all enough for being there for me through this hard time. Thank you all so very much for staying positive when I fall negative. You have all been a blessing.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

This must be a formula we all are following, because I swear everything someone writes I have done it or am thinking about doing it LOLOL I still think everytime the elevator door opens it is my husband coming back to beg me to forgive him LOLOL NOT ;o) That's alright, just give me enough time to get myself together and he won't have a snowball's chance in hell to get me back....hoping this is soon.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I don't discuss this with family/friends because I also do not want anyone bad mouthing my H. They all know about it of course, but when they ask I tell them that I don't want to talk about it. I know the people in my life mean well and do not like to see me hurting, but some of the things that have been said have been said to make them feel better about my situation. It is so easy to say what you would/wouldn't do in somebody else's shoes, until you actually have to walk in them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

Whenever someone opens the front door and trots up the stairs, I keep on wondering if it is my husband and like it's back to the way we used to be. But I guess if ever he will like to come back with me, I would like us to move to a different flat, this one has given me enough traumas I could take. I want a fresh start with him and not just rekindle the flame.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

My marriage is over, i am pretty sure about that. So the only thing i would really ask for right now to be fixed is for my daughter to rebuild her relationship with my ex and for my parents and my sister to change there anger issues with my ex and stop bad mouthing her. If I could get those two things, I will heal much faster from this. I want everyone to be adult about this. I cant believe we have to battle on different fronts, it should not be that way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Happy Memorial Day, everyone. Hope you all have a good day. Lord knows, I am going to try.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Thanks suzy, I hope yours is great! I am going to try, too. I'm feeling sorta down so I'm going to hit up friends for company.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I'm kind of down too...but I am going to try and perk myself back up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Yeah, me too. I am doing bills and now I have to look for supporting paper work to give the realtor for the sale of our house. What a great way to spend a holiday weekend. The hell with it, I think I am going to the movies and watch The Hangover 2 this afternoon. I need a laugh.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Have you seen Bridesmaids?
That movie will guarantee you a laugh, and it's not a chick flick at ALL.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

update: feeling even worse. I wasn't expecting to be so sad today. I think I might just sleep the rest of the day.


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

Seems like most of us are having a hard time with the holiday without our spouses. I know I did. I've been sad all day long. Wish I had something to say to cheer everyone up, sadly, I don't. Thought about seeing the hangover, but I saw the first one with him in theaters, think I may cry if I see the second one without him. Maybe ill look into bridesmaids, thanks DG. 

I wish we werent getting a divorce. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I had my friend and daughter over (honorary sister and niece) for beers. I feel much better


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

sadand said:


> I saw Bridesmaids with a friend, really funny movie, it was perfect for today. Needed the laugh badly


I am so glad you saw it! I went with a friend the weekend it came out and I absolutely loved it. My girlfriend & I laughed the entire the movie. Like you, I really really needed the laugh.

Today was hard, I'm surprised because yesterday was a pretty good day.
My mom invited me over for dinner and I tried to think of every possible excuse as to why I couldn't go, but I couldn't so I went. It took all of 20 minutes for her to p*ss me off. She never thinks before she speaks.

After dinner, I stopped at the cemetery to visit 2 of my childhood friends that have passed away. 
Maybe that is why I am feeling so melancholy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Bridemaids was hysterical, I laughed out loud so much on the movie. The dress try on scene was so funny. I saw it last night by myself ;o) 

I got an email from my SIL and she shed some very personal information about my husband that is helping me to see the big picture. I will be forever grateful for her position on this issue. You never really know the total experience of another person. Life is such a journey.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

DG, I will go check out bridesmaids. I'm going to go catch that one on my own though; I dont think I'll be able to get my buddies to opt for that instead of the hanfover 2. I did want to see it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadsuzy (May 15, 2011)

tomorrow, were supposed to discuss whats going to be written in the divorce papers. ugh. somebody shoot me. i hope he doesnt call.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Suzy, you'll be just fine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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