# future brother in law causing problems



## browneyes_7987

Sorry if this isn't in the right spot. My fiance and I knew we wanted to be together forever right from the beginning. We have been crazy about each other for the last 3 yrs. We've had our problems but work through them. He asked me to marry him and I said yes, but I do have one problem:his brother! He always tries to exclude me from everything and says its my fault that my fiance doesn't go party with him anymore. I just say well I'm sorry he decided to grow up.

Well his brothers latest trick is trying to get my fiance to move out of state with him to "his family's property". Ofcourse my fiance said he is not interested. His children (with an ex) and his fiance are here and this is where he has made his life. His brother just won't stop though! It really annoys me that he tries to plan my fiance's life and exclude me. I just don't know if I can deal with this forever. I don't know how to deal with it. I get serious anxiety and even get sick when this guy is brought up or when he "comes home". I get a long great with the rest of the family. How do you deal with this after you get married??? Is it going to be a lifelong fight??? Do family members accept you more after marriage?


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## DanF

This is not your fight, nor is there anything that you can do to stop it. You fiance needs to talk to his brother and set him straight. Talk to your fiance and tell him what you see and how you feel. If he won't stop his brother's actions, run for the hills.
If your fiance won't nip this in the bud now, it will continue as long as you are together.


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## Mrs.G

browneyes_7987 said:


> Sorry if this isn't in the right spot. My fiance and I knew we wanted to be together forever right from the beginning. We have been crazy about each other for the last 3 yrs. We've had our problems but work through them. He asked me to marry him and I said yes, but I do have one problem:his brother! He always tries to exclude me from everything and says its my fault that my fiance doesn't go party with him anymore. I just say well I'm sorry he decided to grow up.
> 
> Well his brothers latest trick is trying to get my fiance to move out of state with him to "his family's property". Ofcourse my fiance said he is not interested. His children (with an ex) and his fiance are here and this is where he has made his life. His brother just won't stop though! It really annoys me that he tries to plan my fiance's life and exclude me. I just don't know if I can deal with this forever. I don't know how to deal with it. I get serious anxiety and even get sick when this guy is brought up or when he "comes home". I get a long great with the rest of the family. How do you deal with this after you get married??? Is it going to be a lifelong fight??? Do family members accept you more after marriage?


The brother is threatened by your husband's new loyalties, so he plays immature games. Your BIL feels like you are taking his brother away, which is quite normal. He's just jealous of the impending marriage. 

My second eldest bro married four months after I did, in a hastily thrown together ceremony. He even wore the same colors as my husband! This was obviously due to lingering sibling rivalry and the need to compete. Hilarious, yet sad.

My eldest bro is unmarried, largely because he is a simpering mama's boy.  I once visited his home and he decided to go see my parents. I chose not to go, because my then fiance wasn't coming along. Mama's boy said "You met Mom and Dad before you met (husband's first name)!" This was an attempt to keep me in line; it is verboten in my dysfunctional clan to put partners above parents or siblings. 

Family dynamics and alliances are in place long before a spouse comes on the scene. Your intended is responsible for gently cutting the cords, in order to tie you in.


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## Runs like Dog

Tell that ******* to take a hike.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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