# Well, that's one way of 'coping' with infidelity..



## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Wife forced to walk around New York in a towel after naked pictures found by husband | Metro News


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

I think it's all a planned stunt but if it was true then she's a fool for agreeing to do it. The fact that he's only looking to humiliate her is bad enough but making her do this in freezing temperatures is worse. 

Men who actually have genuine interest in reconciliation would never humiliate their spouses this way and then post it on you tube. If this is real then this man only wanted to get even with no intention of continuing the relationship. And she stupidly agreed to it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She might have been afraid of him and thus did it. A guy crazy enough to force his wife to do this is probably crazy enough to beat the crap out of her.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Perhaps she realized what she did was pretty horrific to her husband and was willing to go through with this to see what it feels like to be as humiliated as her husband was seeing the pictures the she sent to other men. Or maybe her husband said this is the only way she could save the marriage and she felt the marriage was worth saving. I also disagree with the comment that someone made that "no one deserves to be humiliated that way". If there was more humiliation and stigmatizing bad behavior, maybe there would be less bad behavior.

Sounds to me like the punishment fit the crime.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Couldn't watch more than about 10 seconds of this.

Regardless of the transgression, I could never do something like this to my wife, and any man that could views his wife as little more than property.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Couldn't watch more than about 10 seconds of this.
> 
> Regardless of the transgression, I could never do something like this to my wife, and any man that could views his wife as little more than property.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Word.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Not real. But for the sake of the discussion I could never even entertain the thought of doing this to my wife. I can understand consequences in the face of infidelity but only if they are constructive and build toward something positive. This would be hateful and serve only as punishment. Nothing good can come from that.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Macho posturing. That is all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I do know a guy that did something worse. Once he found out his wife was cheating he pretty much didn't care about her anymore. She wanted to reconcile, but he told her he would only do it if she would enter the swinging lifestyle with him. He basically used her, and let others use her as a sex toy for months with no intention of ever reconciling. It was really messed up.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> .......maybe her husband said this is the only way she could save the marriage and she felt the marriage was worth saving.


If this story were true, which is highly suspect, I can assure you that this is *NOT* a marriage worth saving, with the inappropriate picture texting being the lesser of these two particular evils. 



> I also disagree with the comment that someone made that "no one deserves to be humiliated that way". If there was more humiliation and stigmatizing bad behavior, maybe there would be less bad behavior.


Who needs professional marriage counseling with pearls of wisdom like this floating around the Internet.... all free of charge. :slap:



> Sounds to me like the punishment fit the crime.


Because we all know that _punishment_ (the more demoralizing, demeaning, and degrading, the better) is the way to go when it comes to rebuilding a happy and healthy marriage. 

Comments like these are largely why I no longer post on TAM. That, and the fact that B1 and I are now closing in on almost 4 years of an incredibly amazing reconciliation. Interestingly enough, punishing me was never a part of B1's agenda, when working alongside me, to help build a new, happier, and healthier marriage. 

This is what happens when I get snowed in. Next time, I'll just clean the bathrooms, or start preparing the paperwork for our taxes, or anything other than letting myself get drawn into a thread like this.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Everyone has there own way when dealing with this. I personally think if he made her do that and she was willing to go do it then that is on them. I personally would not do this myself but I also don't support staying with some that cheated regardless of the circumstances. (Unless it involved Rape) 

I honestly think this was fake because look at the way she casually walked around with the towel on. I doubt seriously anyone would just go along with this without a serious fight. 

C


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

The Middleman said:


> Perhaps she realized what she did was pretty horrific to her husband and was willing to go through with this to see what it feels like to be as humiliated as her husband was seeing the pictures the she sent to other men. Or maybe her husband said this is the only way she could save the marriage and she felt the marriage was worth saving. I also disagree with the comment that someone made that "no one deserves to be humiliated that way". If there was more humiliation and stigmatizing bad behavior, maybe there would be less bad behavior.
> 
> Sounds to me like the punishment fit the crime.


notice how some make him the bad guy for doing this (yes, I couldn't do this to my wife, I would simply divorce her), but she gets a free pass ?

He acted harshly and she agreed (that's if this was actually real). As Clay said below, that's on them. But I do think Middleman's analysis of this is the best I've read so far


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

That's bullsh!t. 

She should have just packed her sh!t and left.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

EI said:


> This is what happens when I get snowed in. Next time, I'll just clean the bathrooms, or start preparing the paperwork for our taxes, or anything other than letting myself get drawn into a thread like this.


Come clean my bathroom if you have a chance.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> That's bullsh!t.
> 
> She should have just packed her sh!t and left.


Yeah, she should have...... but, before texting the nude pictures of herself, obviously, if she was so dissatisfied with her life that she would betray her spouse that way. Still, one set of crap behavior does not justify another's. If it did, well, we've already shared that story. Everyone has to own their own ****. 

Any man who would forcibly, or under great duress, compel his wife to parade herself around nude, in public, probably deserves a lot of things. None of them pleasant. Seriously, that's sick. 

About cleaning your bathrooms, Bandit, you wish!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Awww....c'mon.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

The Middleman said:


> Perhaps she realized what she did was pretty horrific to her husband and was willing to go through with this to see what it feels like to be as humiliated as her husband was seeing the pictures the she sent to other men. Or maybe her husband said this is the only way she could save the marriage and she felt the marriage was worth saving. I also disagree with the comment that someone made that "no one deserves to be humiliated that way". If there was more humiliation and stigmatizing bad behavior, maybe there would be less bad behavior.
> 
> Sounds to me like the punishment fit the crime.



many people here conveniently ignore that getting cheated on was perhaps the worst thing that ever happened to them. This, despite tons and tons of people who come here and say this. I certainly know it's true.

I will re-iterate that while I disapprove of this guy's method of dealing with this, and I certainly would have (and have) handled infidelity different than torturing this lady, the making of this woman (whether fake or real) some type of martyr is pathetic. A cheat is a cheat and doesn't deserve the respect that some here or in society sometimes immediately bestows upon them unless somehow earned back which many don't !!). Besides the story was so short that noone knows exactly what happened leading up to this. 

If real, and as Clay said, I doubt it is, there should be a divorce soon.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

*Re: Well, that's one way of 'coping' with infidelity.*



wmn1 said:


> notice how some make him the bad guy for doing this (yes, I couldn't do this to my wife, I would simply divorce her), but she gets a free pass ?


No, she shouldn't get a free pass. Absolutely not. But, that isn't what this thread is supposed to be about. It's about how one man (supposedly) chose to deal with his wife's betrayal. If reconciliation is desired by both parties, then there are healthy and appropriate ways to go about working towards that. I'm not suggesting a free pass for the betrayer. Free passes cannot heal broken marriages, no matter what the cause. 

What this man chose to do (and, I don't believe the story is real, because if it were true, I think he'd probably be in jail) is sick and perverse, and in no way demonstrates a desire for anything other than revenge. Revenge is not a building block for a _healthy_ reconciliation, at least, not in my book. The husband would certainly be justified in filing for divorce, but not in parading his wife around nude in public. That kind of mentality is very disturbing. 

I don't want to derail this thread by elaborating, so I should probably bow out after this post, but I think it should go without saying that genuine remorse and a true desire to make amends, on the part of WS, is the healthy way to approach a reconciliation; while a desire for revenge, on the part of the BS, as a criteria for R, should be a sign that the marriage is already irretrievably broken.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

wmn1 said:


> notice how some make him the bad guy for doing this (yes, I couldn't do this to my wife, I would simply divorce her), but she gets a free pass ?
> 
> He acted harshly and she agreed (that's if this was actually real). As Clay said below, that's on them. But I do think Middleman's analysis of this is the best I've read so far


Here's the bottom line...

Having discovered his or her spouse's infidelity, if the primary motivation for any action taken by a given BS is to exact some sort of vengeance, to have his or her "pound of flesh" (at least where his or her WS is concerned), or to "level the playing field", then he or she (the BS) just isn't cut out for reconciliation.

Period.

I get the anger, and I get the pain, but don't allow yourself to become a bitter assh*le as a result of someone else's horrible behavior, and if you can't come to terms w/ all of it w/o doing so, just divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Without looking at the link my impression:

I think @EleGirl hit the nail on the head. The most likely explanation for her adultery is the mistaken belief on her part OM was the knighting in shining armor who would save her. As hard as it is to do sometimes, in life sometimes only you can save yourself. I would give odds that she is a CSA victim, or a battered child whose mother was a battered wife. 
@EI your continimg posts stands as proof that a marriage can be rebuilt. Your absence allows the burn and stone is always the right choice crowd free range.

The hardest thing for a BS is at some point acceptance that the adultery took place and will always be a part of the relationship with the WS regardless of the amount of time that has past. @EI your going on four years now. The truth is 20 years from now your adultery will be part of the history of your marriage to B1. B1 at some point needs to be in the mindset "what's done is done, we have moved on". Your role is to help create an environment that supports this belief.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

*Re: Well, that's one way of 'coping' with infidelity.*



EI said:


> No, she shouldn't get a free pass. Absolutely not. But, that isn't what this thread is supposed to be about. It's about how one man (supposedly) chose to deal with his wife's betrayal. If reconciliation is desired by both parties, then there are healthy and appropriate ways to go about working towards that. I'm not suggesting a free pass for the betrayer. Free passes cannot heal broken marriages, no matter what the cause.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Here's the bottom line...
> 
> Having discovered his or her spouse's infidelity, if the primary motivation for any action taken by a given BS is to exact some sort of vengeance, to have his or her "pound of flesh" (at least where his or her WS is concerned), or to "level the playing field", then he or she (the BS) just isn't cut out for reconciliation.
> 
> ...



I agree Gus. I am a high ground guy myself.

Even thought his story may be fake, I do wonder if her cheating made this guy snap or if he was a hothead to begin with.

never an excuse to cheat but always take the ethical way out. I agree with you here

I still feel the Middleman's post though showed a clear example of the pain that the BS feels and that the wayward is not the victim (doesn't mean the wayward is always the only oppressor though). Although I do feel that this story sounds like something that comes out of the Springer show


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

wmn1 said:


> I agree Gus. I am a high ground guy myself.
> 
> Even thought his story may be fake, I do wonder if her cheating made this guy snap or if he was a hothead to begin with.
> 
> never an excuse to cheat but always take the ethical way out. I agree with you here


It's entirely possible that they're BOTH horrible people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)




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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Although I could see doing this to the OM, freezing slowing.

Tamat


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

EI said:


> I don't want to derail this thread by elaborating, so I should probably bow out after this post


Salut and bonsoir ma chère. Personally I don't know why this woman didn't just tell her old man to stick it. If he was worth walking around town in a towel in freezing weather just to keep, she wouldn't have been seeing other men to begin with.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I don't believe in humiliating anyone for any reason. Expose the truth to family and friends, ask the WS to move out if necessary, and go see a lawyer. 

These actions constitute taking the high road. That is what an adult does. There is no way to level "revenge" on a wayward. You cannot make a wayward "pay" for what he or she did. You either accept it and work through it together, or you split. It is that simple. 

The Great Wheel of Dumbassedness will come spinning back around and knock an unrepentant wayward off of his or her unicorn. Their own bad choices will come back to haunt them eventually. Betrayeds do not have to do anything but stick to their principles and protect their integrity.

I don't believe this article is real for a moment. It's a rag trying to sell some print.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EI said:


> Yeah, she should have...... but, before texting the nude pictures of herself, obviously, if she was so dissatisfied with her life that she would betray her spouse that way. Still, one set of crap behavior does not justify another's. If it did, well, we've already shared that story. Everyone has to own their own ****.
> 
> Any man who would forcibly, or under great duress, compel his wife to parade herself around nude, in public, probably deserves a lot of things. None of them pleasant. Seriously, that's sick.
> 
> About cleaning your bathrooms, Bandit, you wish!


You had snow? We only had less than a quarter inch. Which melted within half an hour .


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

It is bad that his wife cheated on him,but this is not the way how to save their marriage. 

In some way I can think about this as his trying to expose her,but he went over the line. You do that with family and close friends,because you want their suport,not like this. 

He made both of them look like fools and I can see there is no future with this marriage.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Probably not real but to each their own.

I have a dark sense of humor enough to be amused.

One size really does not fit all in overcoming infidelity.

I would not do that to my wife but she would be exposed and feel shame.

From rug sweeping to the other end of the spectrum, some are successful and others aren't.

Reconciliation might look a little strange for me if I was compelled to attempt it.

I also have a problem taking the dignity of a cheater seriously.

Again, not really into what this guy apparently did but a part of me is laughing just a little.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sun Catcher (Dec 6, 2013)

Not appropriate at all no matter what she did, but remember women in this world are still stoned to death today. Infidelity does not even have to be proven. They may have even been raped, but the sentence is still stoning till death. Some recent videos have surfaced that show women being beheaded in the middle of a busy street. Not sure if they were also linked to infidelity or other presumed atrocity.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sun Catcher said:


> Not appropriate at all no matter what she did, but remember women in this world are still stoned to death today. Infidelity does not even have to be proven. They may have even been raped, but the sentence is still stoning till death. Some recent videos have surfaced that show women being beheaded in the middle of a busy street. Not sure if they were also linked to infidelity or other presumed atrocity.


That isn't shaming. That is murder, execution style and, to my knowledge, not taking place in New York.

BTW. I would think it funny if the genders were reversed.

Maybe even more so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

JohnA said:


> The hardest thing for a BS is at some point acceptance that the adultery took place and will always be a part of the relationship with the WS regardless of the amount of time that has past. @EI your going on four years now. The truth is 20 years from now your adultery will be part of the history of your marriage to B1. B1 at some point needs to be in the mindset "what's done is done, we have moved on". Your role is to help create an environment that supports this belief.


In response to your post, and with B1's consent, I am sharing a private email that he sent to me all the way back in 2013. This was approximately 15 months after D-Day. Our relationship has only continued to grow closer since that time. I think it might be beneficial for a BS, or even WS, who is struggling in reconciliation, to know that even when your world has been turned upside down by infidelity, and your heart is breaking, that if both parties genuinely desire to reconcile, for all of the right reasons, that there is hope. And, not just for surviving in a poorly patched up version of your former marriage. There is hope for even more. It wasn't easy, especially in the beginning. The first year felt like an open, raw wound that we thought would never heal. The second year was still very intense as we were each learning how to meet one another's needs, while still protecting our own hearts. The third year, wait for it...... we forgot that it was the "anniversary" of D-day, as we were busy moving that day. 

So, here is a copy and paste of B1's email. I hope this gives some insight into what might be possible for a BS, with time, and with a remorseful and repentant WS. And, yes, I know how lucky and blessed I am. I thank God, and B1, for loving me, every single day.


*On Aug 17, 2013, at 9:47 AM

Good morning my love,

I wanted to put this in writing...

You are concerned about me changing after 5, 10, 20, 25 years. I want you to understand this. I forgive you, I forgive it all. I forgive what you did with him, I forgive the lies and the deceit, I forgive you ________. Let that sink in, really truly sink in. Say it over and over for a minute, My husband forgives me...My husband forgives me...then know that God forgives you too. Our children have also forgiven you. 

I love you and always will. I will honor you, cherish you, and do my best to make up for my own past mistakes. You always deserved this new me, and you certainly deserve this new me now. YOU are worthy of my love, and you have it. 

The slate is clean ________, the only blemish on it is what YOU place there.*

I think and believe that I am a lucky man to have you, I am not just saying this, I really believe it and you need to know that you are a prize. You need to believe you are worthy of love, and forgiveness, and stop denying it. You deserve good things, you are special and deserving.*

You are not a failure, yes we have both failed at some things but that does not define us as failures. What I am reading is that everyone has experienced failures in their life, everyone. 

I love you...I am in love with you...I adore you...I cherish you...and I like you, too! 

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”*
―*Steve Maraboli,*Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience


We are no longer victims ________, we are survivors. This means you too. It's over ________, what happened is over, the past is the past not to be repeated. I trust you, and again, I have forgiven you. Please work on forgiving you too <3

All my love...
-____*


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

EI said:


> Who needs professional marriage counseling with pearls of wisdom like this floating around the Internet.... all free of charge. :slap:


Happy to be of service.

I don't believe for a minute that this was for real. I can never picture anyone agreeing to that, at least the way it was delivered. I can also never picture anyone being forced into it. Not in this country. And for the record, I would never be able to do that to someone. (Other things, maybe, but not that)

However, real or not, it doesn't change my opinion that the punishment did fit the crime. I don't care what anyone says, shame is powerful, as either a deterrent or a punishment.

If it would be a huge embarrassment to you if the world found out you were exposing yourself to others, maybe you shouldn't do it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

B1 is a sweet guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> That isn't shaming. That is murder, execution style and, to my knowledge, not taking place in New York.
> 
> BTW. I would think it funny if the genders were reversed.
> 
> ...


I remember when that chinese lady drove the car off and left her cheating husband naked in the middle of the parking lot.

Noone cared then. In fact, people laughed at it.

However, I get both sides but nothing like this happens if infidelity didn't happen in the first place.

Again, perhaps a fake story.

Brings to mind two questions

1) How much humiliation does a cheater deserve

2) What is the appropriate response 

He should ahve just divorced although the courts in the UK kills the men. This board and the boards at other sites reflect this. 

I do know this, we are on an infidelity board. It's hard getting sympathy for a WS. To see so many people suffering pain and not making decisive decisions is horrible. 

A story like this, whether true or not, provokes thought. What about those people who hang banners or fly planes over the stadium making a mockery over the cheating spouse ?

In the end, don't cheat, this doesn't happen. But also in the end, handle it ethically. 

Who only knows what happened or if it even happened. Sad story none-the-less


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

The Middleman said:


> Happy to be of service.
> 
> I don't believe for a minute that this was for real. I can never picture anyone agreeing to that, at least the way it was delivered. I can also never picture anyone being forced into it. Not in this country. And for the record, I would never be able to do that to someone. (Other things, maybe, but not that)
> 
> ...


I agree with this


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

The fact that she made no attempt to stop him removing the towel and than unconsciously struck a pose -that she quickly got out of as soon as she realised what she had done- makes me question its veracity.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

wmn1 said:


> I agree with this


For the most part, me too.

Folks also maybe take humiliation a little too seriously.

I can chuckle about times in my life when I was humiliated, rightly so, and can groan and chuckle about it in good humor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

DayOne said:


> Wife forced to walk around New York in a towel after naked pictures found by husband | Metro News


*Damn! She must have either acted up or have gotten caught soliciting "John's" at a Donald Trump political rally!

I'm telling you that if they end up catching someone, those Trump followers have a definite, hardened penchant for not giving those folks their clothes back and just summarily throw their a$$es right out into the cold! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> Happy to be of service.
> 
> I don't believe for a minute that this was for real. I can never picture anyone agreeing to that, at least the way it was delivered. I can also never picture anyone being forced into it. Not in this country. And for the record, I would never be able to do that to someone. (Other things, maybe, but not that)
> 
> ...


Believe it or not, I really do understand the point that you're trying to make. But, what I'm saying is that if B1 felt the need to "shame me," or if any BS needs to shame, humiliate or degrade their WS, then they must not believe that their WS is worth having, at all. Forced humility is not genuine humility. If he feels that he has to punish me, break me, or humiliate me into submission, then all he will get in return from me is fear and/or loathing. If a WS only responds the way a BS desires because they feel forced, compelled, or threatened, then what marriage is there really left to save? B1 and I were seeking not so much to save our marriage, as much as we were trying to save ourselves, and in the process we saved, actually we completely recreated, our relationship with one another. 

If a WS is genuinely humbled by the gift of reconciliation, then they should be eager to help their BS heal. They should proactively seek ways to comfort, reassure, heal, and help build up their spouse. After all of the horror of betrayal is exposed, why would either party want to go through the motions of living in a miserable marriage? Reconciliation after infidelity is grueling in the beginning. When B1 and I made the decision, together, to attempt to R, we both decided to do it right, otherwise, it just wouldn't have been worth the pain for either of us. 

Our pre-A marriage had become a cesspool of misery, no history re-writing there. I had as many valid reasons to want revenge on him, for having had to endure years of feeling demoralizied and neglected, as he had to want revenge on me for having the A. Infidelity may, or may not, be the worst thing that can happen in a marriage, but there is no shortage of ways to destroy a marriage, and your partner in the process.


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## Zulnex (Mar 23, 2013)

I couldn't watch more than a few seconds.

Very sad...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

BTW Could anyone identify the type of towel it was?

Obviously it was a white bath towel, but I am thinking perhaps it was an EgyptIan cotton bath towel?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> For the most part, me too.
> 
> Folks also maybe take humiliation a little too seriously.
> 
> ...


agreed. The ultimate humiliation to me is if I cheated on my wife. It would blow up every single ethic I had and would shame me to all my family and friends. And I would deserve it. I would hope she would handle it differently than this video and I wouldn't agree to it but man, I know I would be facing brutal consequences in court.

It doesn't get worse than losing my moral code.

There is never an excuse to cheat


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EI said:


> Believe it or not, I really do understand the point that you're trying to make. But, what I'm saying is that if B1 needs to "shame me," or if any BS needs to shame, humiliate or degrade their WS, then they must not believe that their WS is worth having, at all. Forced humility is not genuine humility. If he feels that he has to punish me, break me, or humiliate me into submission, then all he will get in return from me is fear and/or loathing. If a WS only responds the way a BS desires because they feel forced, compelled, or threatened, then what marriage is really there to save? B1 and I were seeking not so much to save our marriage, as much as we were trying to save ourselves, and in the process we saved, actually we completed recreated, our relationship with one another.
> 
> If a WS is genuinely humbled by the gift of reconciliation, then they should be eager to help their spouse heal. They should proactively seek ways to comfort, assure, heal, and help build up their spouse. After all of the horror or betrayal is exposed, why would either party want to go through the motions of living in a miserable marriage? Reconciliation after infidelity is grueling in the beginning. When B1 and I made the decision, together, to attempt to R, we both decided to do it right, otherwise, it just wouldn't have been worth the pain for either of us.
> 
> Our pre-A marriage had become a cesspool of misery, no history re-writing there. I had as much reason to want revenge on him for having to endure years of feeling demoralizied and neglected as he had to want revenge on me for having the A. Infidelity may, or may not, be the worst thing that can happen in a marriage, but there is no shortage of ways to destroy a marriage, and your partner in the process.


Phone keeps screwing up.

Long to short.

Everyone is somewhat different.

Everything that happened to your marriage and everything you did to repair it would not happen or work for everyone.

There are things we can all take from each other but what might work for me would not for you in total.

I could, would never be B1, the good and the bad of him and I would deal differently with Mrs. Conan if she were you, than your own husband.

It works for us. I study as many people as possible but not always for myself. I've learned much from your story and can even apply some of it to my own but much of your situation would never happen here and would not be repaired the same as you if it did.

Not worse, just different.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

*Re: Well, that's one way of 'coping' with infidelity.*



EI said:


> No, she shouldn't get a free pass. Absolutely not. But, that isn't what this thread is supposed to be about. It's about how one man (supposedly) chose to deal with his wife's betrayal. If reconciliation is desired by both parties, then there are healthy and appropriate ways to go about working towards that. I'm not suggesting a free pass for the betrayer. Free passes cannot heal broken marriages, no matter what the cause.
> 
> What this man chose to do (and, I don't believe the story is real, because if it were true, I think he'd probably be in jail) is sick and perverse, and in no way demonstrates a desire for anything other than revenge. Revenge is not a building block for a _healthy_ reconciliation, at least, not in my book. The husband would certainly be justified in filing for divorce, but not in parading his wife around nude in public. That kind of mentality is very disturbing.
> 
> I don't want to derail this thread by elaborating, so I should probably bow out after this post, but I think it should go without saying that genuine remorse and a true desire to make amends, on the part of WS, is the healthy way to approach a reconciliation; while a desire for revenge, on the part of the BS, as a criteria for R, should be a sign that the marriage is already irretrievably broken.


From what I can make out in the video, it certainly seems to have taken place in New York. And there are strange things. Initially she seems to be swaggering as she walks down the sidewalk in the towel. And she never seems panicked.

All that said, there has been NO mention of this in the New York papers or the local TV stations. And given the recent weather, I doubt she'd last five minutes on the street basically naked.

Of course I could be wrong... :surprise:


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Phone keeps screwing up.
> 
> Long to short.
> 
> ...



yep. Agreed


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Turns out this story was true. And, just as I suspected, the guy was a real winner, a real piece of work. Anyone who would force, coerce, or threaten their spouse, partner, or girlfriend into doing something so degrading, for ANY reason, would have to be a sick POS. Bad behavior is never justifiable, for any reason, therefore, the bad behavior of one, does not justify the bad behavior of another. What she did was wrong, but what he did was criminal, and now his ass is sitting right where it belongs....... in jail. After the things he has done to her, and I seriously doubt that this was his first episode of violence towards her, he's lucky that he's sitting in jail and not lying 6' under. Like I said in my last post, infidelity destroys marriages, but it is certainly not the only way to destroy a relationship.

Police arrest NYC man accused of making girlfriend parade naked on street | Fox News Latino


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Really? Good grief. What defence will this idiot use?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

I don't think anybody was putting this guy on any pedestal, EI. 

Whether he is a complete thug or snapped and became one instantly, it doesn't matter. We all agreed he was wrong in how he handled it. 

Me ? I simply would have dumped her. Good God, the guy is only 24 and this is how he's starting his adult life ?

On the other hand, she has issues herself to fix outside of this incident, and this story, being on an infidelity board, is of course going have some criticism headed her way.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

To find out this is real makes me incredibly sad.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

wmn1 said:


> I don't think anybody was putting this guy on any pedestal, EI.
> 
> Whether he is a complete thug or snapped and became one instantly, it doesn't matter. We all agreed he was wrong in how he handled it.
> 
> ...


I agree with everything you've said. I would bet that this particular series of events was likely just the latest in a string of unhealthy behaviors from both of these individuals. It sounds like they're both very psycologically troubled people. 

Even worse, I read in another account of the story, that they have a two month old daughter together. An innocent young mind, only beginning to take in the world around her. Hopefully, there will be some rapid intervention, requiring both parents to get help, or the child being removed from their custody. Otherwise, the dysfunction will likely continue for generations to come. 

I just can't stop shaking my head over this one. It's heartbreaking on so many levels.


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## sparrow555 (Jun 27, 2015)

EI said:


> Turns out this story was true. And, just as I suspected, the guy was a real winner, a real piece of work. Anyone who would force, coerce, or threaten their spouse, partner, or girlfriend into doing something so degrading, for ANY reason, would have to be a sick POS. Bad behavior is never justifiable, for any reason, therefore, the bad behavior of one, does not justify the bad behavior of another. What she did was wrong, but what he did was criminal, and now his ass is sitting right where it belongs....... in jail. After the things he has done to her, and I seriously doubt that this was his first episode of violence towards her, he's lucky that he's sitting in jail and not lying 6' under. Like I said in my last post, infidelity destroys marriages, but it is certainly not the only way to destroy a relationship.
> 
> Police arrest NYC man accused of making girlfriend parade naked on street | Fox News Latino




Oops!!


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Really? Good grief. What defence will this idiot use?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Too much sugar????

Temporary insanity????

She deserved it?????????????

When I see something like this it makes me a believer in Darwin's theory of natural selection. The "stupid" gene should never be passed on.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

EI said:


> I agree with everything you've said. I would bet that this particular series of events was likely just the latest in a string of unhealthy behaviors from both of these individuals. It sounds like they're both very psycologically troubled people.
> 
> Even worse, I read in another account of the story, that they have a two month old daughter together.  An innocent young mind, only beginning to take in the world around her. Hopefully, there will be some rapid intervention, requiring both parents to get help, or the child being removed from their custody. Otherwise, the dysfunction will likely continue for generations to come.
> 
> I just can't stop shaking my head over this one. It's heartbreaking on so many levels.


Now I feel even worse. That poor child.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Sorry for being so gloomy. I think I caught HD's flu bug. If someone gets you sick over the internet would that be considered a computer virus?


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## sparrow555 (Jun 27, 2015)

Would this classify as a crime of passion ?


he apparently found her cheating on him with 7 other guys.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

sparrow555 said:


> Would this classify as a crime of passion ?
> 
> 
> he apparently found her cheating on him with 7 other guys.


7 other guys??????????????????
That's not cheating..........that is a small business.


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## sparrow555 (Jun 27, 2015)

EI said:


> Turns out this story was true. And, just as I suspected, the guy was a real winner, a real piece of work. Anyone who would force, coerce, or threaten their spouse, partner, or girlfriend into doing something so degrading, for ANY reason, would have to be a sick POS. Bad behavior is never justifiable, for any reason, therefore, the bad behavior of one, does not justify the bad behavior of another. What she did was wrong, but what he did was criminal, and now his ass is sitting right where it belongs....... in jail. After the things he has done to her, and I seriously doubt that this was his first episode of violence towards her, he's lucky that he's sitting in jail and not lying 6' under. Like I said in my last post, infidelity destroys marriages, but it is certainly not the only way to destroy a relationship.
> 
> Police arrest NYC man accused of making girlfriend parade naked on street | Fox News Latino



It is interesting to look at how physical abuse against woman is looked upon in US as compared to other cultures. It is on the list of things you do not absolutely do. Even an accusation can f*ck up your career and marketability. 

Again before people want to attack me for it, i meant in the sense of comparison with other cultures.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

EI said:


> I agree with everything you've said. I would bet that this particular series of events was likely just the latest in a string of unhealthy behaviors from both of these individuals. It sounds like they're both very psycologically troubled people.
> 
> Even worse, I read in another account of the story, that they have a two month old daughter together. An innocent young mind, only beginning to take in the world around her. Hopefully, there will be some rapid intervention, requiring both parents to get help, or the child being removed from their custody. Otherwise, the dysfunction will likely continue for generations to come.
> 
> I just can't stop shaking my head over this one. It's heartbreaking on so many levels.


I agree EI with everything you said here. God help that 2 month old. As you said, I hope there is rapid intervention.

I deal with dysfunctional parents all the time in my job. I see these kids as young as 6 years old starting to act like their parents. It's scary.

He will do some jail time. If and when he gets out, he needs a ton of behavioral correction programs. She needs counseling now for her issues. If not for each other as they may not be together, for the two month old. Odd things happen. people who live like this often find each other again and always reconnect. I think these two will too.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

```

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sparrow555 said:


> Would this classify as a crime of passion ?
> 
> 
> he apparently found her cheating on him with 7 other guys.


A good defense attorney could argue that what he found caused a mental episode. The prosecutors would have to prove he has a history of this. She doesn't seem to be a rocket scientist so her testifying against him could be a disaster. 

I wonder how many guys she actually met up with ?

Still too many holes. Problem with NYC is their courts aren't like normal courts. They are Zoos. But I will follow up on this and see what happens


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I'm calling this BS. Has to be a set up.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

ABHale said:


> I'm calling this BS. Has to be a set up.


That's what I thought. Until I read this 


> EXCLUSIVE: Harlem man charged with beating, choking girlfriend, then forcing her to walk the streets naked as he filmed video that went viral





> A self-pitying misogynist maniac was arrested for choking his girlfriend, parading her around the streets of Harlem naked and then posting video of the public humiliation online, police sources said Thursday.





> Jason Melo, 24, beat and choked his 22-year-old girlfriend in their W. 142nd St. apartment in front of her 2-month-old daughter before forcing the woman into the cold for the medieval-style degradation, cop sources said.


http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york...rlfriend-walk-streets-naked-article-1.2504623

Doubtless he will enjoy his stay in prison.


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