# Is Your Sleepwear a Message to Your Mate



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

For as long as I have been married, (28 years), I can gauge with near 99% accuracy, if my wife is in the mood for sex that night, by what she is wearing to bed. 

During the first 5 or so years of marriage, she would wear her bikini panties and an old t-shirt of mine that was 3 sizes to big for her. _(Real easy to run my hands underneath it.) _
Some nights she would even skip wearing the t-shirt. 
During this period, we averaged 3 to 5 nights of lovemaking a week, with lots of skin to skin cuddling. Good times. 

Over the ensuing 20+ years it seems she started wearing more and more articles of clothing to bed. Wearing her bra to bed, the t-shirts turned into a thermal long sleeve shirt, her bikini panties were replaced by cotton briefs covered by flannel lounge pants, with white cotton tube socks on her feet.
Good grief, it's like she's headed to the Alaskan outback in mid-winter. 
Our sex life now averages once a month, which I feel correlates strongly with the amount of clothing she wears to bed. 
Subconsciously, or consciously she nearly always dresses in this manner for bed, winter, or summer. 

I have talked with my wife about possibly dressing like she use to for bed because that was so much fun and inviting for me, but she claims she gets cold at night now and has even included another blanket on her side of the bed, that just makes it even harder to even cuddle up with her since she wraps herself up in the bedding like a mummy. So I end up trying to hug a pile of sheets and blankets with my wife tangled and buried underneath it all. 
Not a whole lot of fun to snuggle up too either.

My question is to both men and women. 
Does your sleepwear indicate the level of sexual activity you anticipate for that night? 
AND, for those of you that have been married for any length of time, has your sleepwear changed since the honeymoon? AND if so, WHY?


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I've always been very sensitive to the weather I use two blankets in the summer so I can relate. It's never been about sex, although if I'm aming for hanky panky I'll wait to add the layers of pjs until after.if my husband initiates he knows its about being warm and not a stop sign so he can go ahead and remove the "layering". 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I am very sensitive to the cold... s o hubby knows he has to sleep close in yhe einter months...he is my electric blanket. I sleep in the nude and so does big guy and yes it has everything to do wu yh intimscy and cidfling and bonding. I find it very comforting to spoon with him every night....there is a warmth and connectedness from that bond.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

mineforever said:


> I am very sensitive to the cold... s o hubby knows he has to sleep close in yhe einter months...he is my electric blanket. I sleep in the nude and so does big guy and yes it has everything to do wu yh intimscy and cidfling and bonding. I find it very comforting to spoon with him every night....there is a warmth and connectedness from that bond.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My husband moves around or sleep on his side of the bed to do that  hence the layering.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

mablenc said:


> My husband moves around or sleep on his side of the bed to do that  hence the layering.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah there are some nights big guy is pretty restless too...I tell him I had to chase him all over the bed to cuddle up with him. ;-) For us is one of t he things we do to stay connected.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Your wife does what many women do who are trying to avoid sex. My best friend told me she did similar with her now ex. She even changed her daytime way of dressing to not look "too good" in the hopes that he would leave her alone.

She's remarried now and sleeps naked.


----------



## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

Ugh. I can't imagine sleeping in all those clothes. A bra too? That would just be torture. I hate feeling constricted in bed.

Has she has her thyroid checked? Being very cold all the time can be a symptom of hypothyroidism.


----------



## jlc29316 (Feb 28, 2013)

I knew when she was in the mood by what panties she was wearing.


----------



## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

If my wife comes to bed with her bra on it means there's going to be some action--I'm expected to remove it during foreplay.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I'm at the other end of the spectrum. My wife sleeps naked every night, so it's no indication of anything other than bed time. It's when she puts something on that I pay attention.


----------



## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

I sleep in panties only. My husband sleeps in long sleeved shirts and underwear. I am always hot, he is always cold. I haven't had any action in two weeks when I gave him a BJ.... PIV sex with him? Can't remember the last time....


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

My wife sleeps naked and has every time since we started. I couldn't imagine it any other way.


----------



## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

Nope. I wear the same type of PJs every night, regardless of whether we're sexin' it up or not. We have sex generally long before we go to bed anyway.


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Some possible solutions:

1. In the Summer, turn down the A/C.

2. In the Winter, turn up the heat.

3. Buy a large electric blanket that covers your whole bed. No way she could complain about being cold in that...


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I always thought if a woman is planning on getting some action before bed she'd get in bed with no clothing on or something sexy.If she climbs into bed covered like she's going to be trekking an icy tundra you probably aren't getting any.
Then there are the ladies who enjoy sleeping naked regardless of their plans for sex.

So the only real answer is to ask the specific woman,are we getting it on tonight or what?


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Wifey no longer changes for sleep. Just conks out in whatever she's wearing. Which could be anything. And piles on 2 or 3 quilts, shuts off the fan and and AC until it's about 76-78 deg.


----------



## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

I am absolutely terrible for this! I wear flannel and giant mumu's all the time.


----------



## Logitex (Jul 5, 2013)

My wife leaves her jeans and polo shirt (masculine looking) and lies on top of the covers in bed. That is when she doesnt sleep downstairs on the floor of the carpeted family room.


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Theseus said:


> Some possible solutions:
> 
> 1. In the Summer, turn down the A/C.
> 
> ...


I have tried all the above with the only results being that I end up the next day with complaints from my teenagers about the house being too hot or too cold during the night.

The electric blanket idea sort of backfired on me since it just gave her another layer of bedding to curl up in, and she would crank it up to max. I could literally feel the heat radiating from her side of the bed. 
Her idea of comfy, but very off putting, and uncomfortable for me. 

I even went to lengths of buying a thermometer and placing it on her nightstand to show her that our bedroom wasn't cold all the time. The temp in our room was a steady 72 degrees, the same as it was during the daytime hours, which matched the thermostat out in the hallway. 
She didn't care, all she knew was that she got cold at night.


----------



## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> My question is to both men and women.
> Does your sleepwear indicate the level of sexual activity you anticipate for that night?
> AND, for those of you that have been married for any length of time, has your sleepwear changed since the honeymoon? AND if so, WHY?


Nope, we both sleep naked every night. Whether sex hapens or not has no bearing; we love to snuggle (until I overheat her) and the bare skin can just be electrifying. I think it has more effect on mid-night or morning sex, as the prolonged skin contact has the tendency to arouse either of us (it's common for one of to wake up being groped by our sleeping spouse). It's not a signal from clothing level but a spontaneous outgrowth. OP, had you suggested to your wife that you guys sleep nude and make an honest effort to simply snuggle? Don't pursue sex immediately but just build intimacy? I read your other threads and maybe I missed you saying you've done this. Can't hurt, right?

The only thing that has changed is that I wear less clothes. When we first got together, I was uncomfortable sleeping fully nude. She always was and brought me over to her way, eventually. She does that. 

Ironically, both of us sleep clothed when not sleeping in the same bed (during travel or work separation).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

ginger-snap said:


> Ugh. I can't imagine sleeping in all those clothes. A bra too? That would just be torture. I hate feeling constricted in bed.
> 
> Has she has her thyroid checked? Being very cold all the time can be a symptom of hypothyroidism.


Many years ago my wife felt the same way as you described above. You could teach my wife a thing or two. 

It isn't all about having sex either. I loved climbing into bed nude with my wife the same, cuddling, snuggling and spooning just for the skin to skin physical contact can be enough for me on most nights. 

I think I will mention the thyroid thing to my wife, and approach it from the standpoint of her being cold at night, and not the "I want more sex" angle. That is a sure fire way for her to refute any idea I may have.


----------



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I get cold when I sleep as well. I don't feel it has any bearing on if I'm up for sex or not. H is not a cuddler. He is way over in our king sized bed.

When we first married I wore short spaghetti strap nighties. It has now changed to a fitted tee and cotton pajama pants.


----------



## FutureExMrs. (Jul 18, 2011)

What does your wife where to bed on the occasions you do have sex?Has there ever been any indications before hand that sex will be an outcome before you went to bed in previous years besides what was worn to bed, such as; flirting or foreplay before actually heading to the bedroom?


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

We sleep naked, I simply love the skin contact and cuddling. It is winter here and so cold but still it is naked for us.
Mr H will get into bed first and warm up my side, he is my superhero


----------



## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Laila8 said:


> Nope. I wear the same type of PJs every night, regardless of whether we're sexin' it up or not. We have sex generally long before we go to bed anyway.


Same here. What my wife actually wear to sleep has no impact on whether we have sex or not.


----------



## toxxik (May 20, 2013)

Nothing but birthday suits in our bed either. We always snuggle to fall asleep so no extra clothes needed to keep warm. Unfortunately, it is not an indicator of anything hot and heavy happening either. It is what it is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Yea, I sleep in a tank top and thong every night and can usually tell if he wants something when I feel myself being poked. The only time my attire changes is when I have my period, then I wear pants and he knows its hands off. 

What about trying to initiate outside the bedroom? By the time I get to bed my main agenda is usually sleeping so my goal is to be comfortable. Im much more likely to try to be sexy coming to bed if I know my husbands raring to go ahead of time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jakobi Greenleaf (Sep 19, 2012)

There is a standing rule for us that if my wife goes to bed without pants, sex is a go. I always sleep nude, and she usually wears pj pants and a t-shirt. It allows her to initiate sex in a way she is comfortable with. Having said that, I work third shift. Usually what she wears to bed makes no difference.


----------



## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Nah...we both sleep naked every night, and we don't have sex every night. Right now our sex is confined to the mornings because she is still recovering from a hysterectomy that had serious complications. She often has major discomfort at night.


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

FutureExMrs. said:


> What does your wife where to bed on the occasions you do have sex?Has there ever been any indications before hand that sex will be an outcome before you went to bed in previous years besides what was worn to bed, such as; flirting or foreplay before actually heading to the bedroom?


I should preface my answers a bit so it will make some sense. 

On the occasion that we do have sex, it usually has to be her day off, and it's in the morning after the kids are off to school.
My wife will be fresh out of the shower with a towel wrapped around her. She maybe sitting on the edge of our bed combing her hair, or going thru her closet to get dressed.
I am still in bed and see her nude condition and invite her back to bed for some fun. She sometimes agrees.

That is obviously one example, but sex usually happens in the morning, after she has gotten out of bed for one reason or another, and I make the invitation to come back to bed with me. 

She is an early morning person, and I am definitely a late night person. She likes getting up early 5 or 6am and I roll out of bed around 8 or 9am. Conversely, she heads off to bed about 9pm with me following well after midnight. 
This really isn't a factor in the frequency, or our lack of sexual activity, because for months I tried jumping into bed when she did, but all I got was a goodnight kiss, and her rolling over into her fussy fleece and thermal pajama clad cocoon shell. 
So what do I do, click on the TV and fall asleep watching old episodes of The Twilight Zone.

In years past, (_and I stress years past_), there was nearly no effort needed in falling into bed together at night, ravishing each other like sex starved prisoners. It came naturally. 
I remember stripping each other's clothes off, with foreplay going on even hours before we hit the bedroom. 
From her groping hand in the front seat of our car, to all the suggestive talk over dinner, the playful and flirtatious glances with one another hours before actual bedtime.

I think the last time anything like that happened was on my birthday 4 or 5 years ago. Since then, it's just whenever there isn't anything else going on, or better to do.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I sleep in the nude most nights. Sex is something I rarely turn down and often initiate. So, for me, sleepwear isn't really related.


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

toxxik said:


> Nothing but birthday suits in our bed either. We always snuggle to fall asleep so no extra clothes needed to keep warm. Unfortunately, it is not an indicator of anything hot and heavy happening either. It is what it is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This post and others like it, make me feel so envious. 

I would give anything if my wife would simply make coming to bed a little more inviting. 

Like some have said, it isn't about the indication or signal of sexual activity. That's how they feel comfortable sleeping together. It is what it is.

By the time I hit the bedroom, she is well off into dreamland. That's fine. I understand she likes getting up early and has too about half the week for her job, but just the thought of that lump of fuzzy fleece, long sleeved thermals, and cotton tube socks wrapped up in 3 blankets is so off putting, that I would rather watch old episodes of Gunsmoke until sunrise than tackle that mess. 
She might has well build a brick wall down the center of our bed. It would feel about the same.


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> I sleep in the nude most nights. Sex is something I rarely turn down and often initiate. So, for me, sleepwear isn't really related.


You make my point perfectly. What you wear to bed, or conversely choose not to wear, is a big indication of your openness or the possible likelihood of sexual activity with your partner.

You initiate often, so choosing to be nude makes it easier for you to express your feelings and/or urges. 
On the other hand, for those that have a partner that chooses to dress for the Iditarod before bed, it becomes a signal of "don't even attempt to touch me".


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Batman4691 said:


> You make my point perfectly. What you wear to bed, or conversely choose not to wear, is a big indication of your openness or the possible likelihood of sexual activity with your partner.
> 
> You initiate often, so choosing to be nude makes it easier for you to express your feelings and/or urges.
> On the other hand, for those that have a partner that chooses to dress for the Iditarod before bed, it becomes a signal of "don't even attempt to touch me".


Do you try going to bed with her at the same time?


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> Do you try going to bed with her at the same time?


About a year ago, I tried for several months going to bed when my wife did, but all that happened was a "Goodnight, Honey", kiss and she would roll over into her layered bundle. 

I tried everything. Showering before bed, cuddling up next to her and trying to slip my hand through the bedding, and under her shirt. I did manage to get a "that feels nice" comment, but that was soon followed by her soft snoring. :sleeping: 

So after several months of just laying there, staring at the back of her head and the soft blue light of her alarm clock, I got frustrated, and found it more entertaining watching late night cable TV until I got tired. 
I would rather go back to my wife making me tired as in years past, but that takes 2 to accomplish that release of such a miracle sleeping agent.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Sleepwear really isn't an issue for us either. She mostly sleeps in big shirts or nightgowns, and thongs, but we still have sex every night. Sometimes she'll put on something sexier, but it doesn't mean anything different. The sleepwear is mostly a formality as we both know it will be off soon after we are in bed anyway. She jokes sometimes asking why she even bothers...


----------



## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

Nosy question: for the ladies who say they sleep naked, do you do this even when it's that time of the month?


----------



## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

What I wear to bed has nothing to do with sex...absolutely nothing, and I'm sure I'm not alone.

When I first married my husband (and before) I always wore a nightgown to bed, never grew up going to bed naked and just didn't do it, no particular reason. My husband always went to bed naked.

Now we're in our 50s and have been married almost 29 years. He never goes to bed naked anymore and hasn't for years due to health problems that make him feel cold all the time.

I started wearing a nightgown again once he started wearing pajamas.

So in my house I don't believe it has anything to do with hey I'm ready for sex or no I'm not. Simply has to do with preference and age, health and the fact that ALL people grow up and change (or at least they are supposed to, some remain infantile).

Could it be that you are just reading more into the situation then there actually is? And that she is not thinking anything about it?

People's actions don't always mean there is an ulterior motive that is focused on you. Sometimes its about them and what makes them feel comfortable and has nothing to do with you at all.


----------



## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Laila8 said:


> Nosy question: for the ladies who say they sleep naked, do you do this even when it's that time of the month?


I used to, but like I said, I always wore clothes to bed when we met and married, he slept naked.

I then started sleeping naked because he was. Then he started wearing clothes again so I went back to clothes.

Sometimes, every once in a while I will sleep naked now too, but it doesn't mean we have sex or anything, it just is what it is.

It's not a subliminal message or anything...just a preference.


----------



## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I remember when my husband would grope me in the car on a trip, but 28.5 years later, I'm lucky if he can remember to grope at the end of the day.

Is it sad, sure...but life changes, people grow and NOTHING remains the same, it evolves, you evolve with it or you will be constantly disappointed because nothing and no one remains the same.

Even if you found another woman you would find yourself right back here again in a few years.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> .....................
> 
> Now we're in our 50s and have been married almost 29 years. He never goes to bed naked anymore and hasn't for years due to health problems that make him feel cold all the time.
> 
> ...


Ouchie, sorry but that is one weird statement. So you are saying that those of us that sleep naked are infantile and need to grow up?

Mr H and I are both adults, have been for some time now, I'm mid 40's and he is in his 50's. Both very well accomplished, successful people.
We sleep naked because we love the sensation of skin on skin, we cuddle and touch each other all night. I have to say that one of the most amazing parts of my life is waking up next to him and having that wonderful good morning cuddle, it starts our day in the most positive and energising way.

If he were to sleep clothed I would feel distanced from him. But we are all grown up, we are mature adults, I'm sure not going to worry what other people think and start wearing clothes to bed because it may seem infantile to someone :scratchhead: Life is too short to miss out on being in my favourite place with my man's big strong arms wrapped around me while we sleep naked. Pure bliss.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Laila8 said:


> Nosy question: for the ladies who say they sleep naked, do you do this even when it's that time of the month?


I wear panties when the need arises but sex (usually a BJ) is still on the menu.


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

What I wear to bed has never had a bearing on whether or not my husband chooses to initiate or not. I could wear a one piece snow suit and that wouldn't stop him.

I get really hot when I sleep, (my husband says I'm like a furnace throwing off heat), and I don't like covers on my legs. I usually sleep in a cami and panties.


----------



## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

It is an established trend that 3-5 years is the average period of time a relationship lasts. Of course, many dont last that long and many last longer, but the reasons become very complicated.

Social reasons dominate the longer variants. There is the capitalistic aspects that come into play (acquired possessions, mortgage, etc), the religious aspects ("I do is eternal in the eyes of god" etc), and even the fear of being alone. Shorter variants could be who knows what. There is one aspect not listed here I will cover later.

There is an evolutionary purpose behind 3-5 years. A woman is vulnerable during pregnancy and even after must spend a great deal of her time caring for and protecting offspring. The onus then falls on the man to contribute resources and protection to the woman and the child for a period of time long enough for the child to require less care and for the woman to be able to provide more financial resources. At this point, speaking strictly in a physical way, the man's job is done. It is beneficial at this point for her to move on and become pregnant with another man diversifying her genetic contribution by choosing a new mate with different strengths and different weaknesses. As society repeatedly drills into our heads, the best chance of genetic diversification for men is to spread his genes with as many partners as possible.

Of course, there is more to it than just that. Unlike every other species on the earth, human beings can contribute to society not just through genetics, but also through ideas. Einstein is not known for his three children, but for his ideas, especially those in the realm of physics. This is where a man (or woman, but man especially) can transcend the limitations of the typical human sexual mating period. 

Why am I telling you all this? Because like others in this thread (including yourself), I feel your wife's dressing habits are an indication of her feelings toward you. If she just got cold as she said, she would take them off to have sex with you and either use you to stay warm or put the clothes back on. This is a lie. And she knows its a lie. When a person lies to you in such a way, they are not paying your feelings, desires, or person respect. You had better believe she is ready to find another mate if the opportunity presents itself, because she certainly is.

The best response to this is to reevaluate yourself as a man and determine what you can do to make your life, independent of her, more valuable- more what youve always wanted it to be. Perhaps hit the gym to lose some pounds? Perhaps dust the motorcycle off and go for a stupid long ride to another country? I cant tell you, nor can anyone else in here tell you, what you need to do- it has to be what you desire and what represents you as a person.

Man up. Fight fire with fire. Dont beg, dont grovel, dont ask. Start focusing on bettering yourself in the ways you deem necessary. Start focusing on getting your testosterone pumping again through activities you either gave up on or have always wanted to do. Start bettering your mind and your soul independent of her- and maybe you might start noticing her wearing less and less again.

A woman is not attracted to a man for the value she brings to his life. If she was, shed just use a vibrator and you wouldnt be necessary. A WOMAN IS ATTRACTED TO THE VALUE A MAN'S LIFE HAS INDEPENDENT OF HER. Everything is wrapped up in it- your job, your body, your perspective, your mood, your touch, your bark, your shout and howl over the rooftops of the world. THESE are the things she loves, and your access to them will be heavily contingent on how high you rank in these categories relative to other options you have.

Further, you have to put a FIRE between her legs. You have to make her FEEL like a wife AND like a woman. What's the difference? She feels like a wife when you guide, when you are strong in decisions yet never ask for accolades to be bestowed upon you for them, and when you do things that provide her with a type of presence that she cant get from herself or another man. She feels like a woman when you are sexual with her. She feels like a woman when you walk up, look her in the eyes, and straight grab at her chest, or legs, or waist, etc. Be advised you will get a good response when she wants you, and you will get a bad response when she doesnt.

Man up brother. Since things havent totally fallen apart you have some time to turn things around and get the magic back. But you cant do it by pulling her closer- you can only do it by pushing your definition of manhood farther ahead.



Batman4691 said:


> For as long as I have been married, (28 years), I can gauge with near 99% accuracy, if my wife is in the mood for sex that night, by what she is wearing to bed.
> 
> During the first 5 or so years of marriage, she would wear her bikini panties and an old t-shirt of mine that was 3 sizes to big for her. _(Real easy to run my hands underneath it.) _
> Some nights she would even skip wearing the t-shirt.
> ...


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> What I wear to bed has nothing to do with sex...absolutely nothing, and I'm sure I'm not alone.
> 
> When I first married my husband (and before) I always wore a nightgown to bed, never grew up going to bed naked and just didn't do it, no particular reason. My husband always went to bed naked.
> 
> ...


WOW, I guess that would make me "infantile" for wanting to share in a bit more physical closeness, warmth and intimacy with my wife on a regular nighttime basis. 

To MarriedWifeInLove,

I do not see how wearing a full length flannel nightgown to bed makes someone a mature grown up person. :scratchhead:

Or conversely, how wanting to remain physically, as well as sexually close with my wife, as in years past, by sleeping together in the nude is somehow immature. 
Good grief, my wife and I are in our late 40's, not pushing 80. 

I can appreciate your husbands physical need to wear some sort of warm covering to bed, but that is not me, or my wife's condition or situation.

I have to disagree with your summation that it has nothing to do with me, that it is just my wife being comfortable. 

Much like many who have posted here, we use to enjoy falling asleep, intertwined in each others warm, bare bodies. It was a time of snuggling, cuddling, and quite honestly a symbol of the most purest love and trust. My wife felt "_comfortable_" and safe enough with me to want to share herself in that manner. 
Now she loves wrapping herself up in clothing and bedding to find the warmth and safeness that at one time she use to look to me for.

If that isn't about me, I don't know what is.


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I remember when my husband would grope me in the car on a trip, but 28.5 years later, I'm lucky if he can remember to grope at the end of the day.
> 
> Is it sad, sure...but life changes, people grow and NOTHING remains the same, it evolves, you evolve with it or you will be constantly disappointed because nothing and no one remains the same.
> 
> Even if you found another woman you would find yourself right back here again in a few years.


I'm truly sorry you feel that way. 

If I read your posts right, you and your husband are both in your 50's and have been married nearly 29 years.
Well, me and my wife are almost to where you are. We are in our late 40's and are coming up on our 28th anniversary.

It doesn't have to be "sad," nor does it have to be the natural evolution of married couples to end up physically distant. If you choose to accept that myth of the _"old married couple"_ that is up to you, but I am not going to give up. I love my wife too much to stop seeing her as a very attractive woman and a sexual being.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Cletus said:


> I'm at the other end of the spectrum. My wife sleeps naked every night, so it's no indication of anything other than bed time. It's when she puts something on that I pay attention.


I sleep naked too all the time but I drees up outside of the bedroom if I want more attention than I am already getting


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Laila8 said:


> Nosy question: for the ladies who say they sleep naked, do you do this even when it's that time of the month?


I was on the contraceptive rod until just recently now I just wear panties to bed when it is "shark week".


----------



## Texican (Jan 11, 2012)

Been married going on 32 years. We have always slept nekid and love the intimacy of skin on skin and holding one another. Pure bliss and heaven on earth. I feel for the folks who are not getting enough of this. I do believe sleeping commando style is naturally conducive to having sex - as we still have sex most nights, and/or days :smthumbup:


----------



## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

My AxW followed this pattern. Started out naked, very loving and snuggly. I was naked as well. I loved the closeness. Over the years, I realized that this was extremely important to me. I wish she had. She will start this pattern again for another man. Im gone.


----------



## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Been married 31 yrs both sleep buck naked and love it. He has the warmest body and nothing better than wrapping those big arms around me and swinging one leg over mine and I am all tucked in. If I get lucky I get to wake up to a "frisky" Big Guy in the morning for a nice morning romp! Nothing better than getting to your 50's and being empty nesters!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cbowbo2 (May 19, 2013)

As I am always cold I wear what I am comfortable in, sex has nothing to do with it. I have no choice in the snuggling thing lol, even when he is not happy with me he reaches out to pull me in to him. In the winter he is my heater. 

He knows if he wants some all he has to do is touch me and I am turned on. Yes, we are still in the honeymoon phase, but I have been there done that and it makes no difference. Imo, both parties must pitch in to keep the spark alive!


----------



## lori92760 (Feb 5, 2013)

i used to always sleep naked. now i have a thyroid issue and menopause, so i go between burning up, very attractive sweaty mess, to freezing. still it was easier to sleep naked and just put on and off covers. if i wore pjs my husband would complain, if i was sweaty he would complain that i was clammy and to put something on. he controls the thermostat because he makes more money than i do. so now i sleep down the hall. i cannot tell you the last time we had sex. within this last 12 months, once. we used to have an awesome sex life. so apparently what you wear matters and for me whatever it is, is wrong.


----------



## cbowbo2 (May 19, 2013)

mineforever said:


> Been married 31 yrs both sleep buck naked and love it. He has the warmest body and nothing better than wrapping those big arms around me and swinging one leg over mine and I am all tucked in. If I get lucky I get to wake up to a "frisky" Big Guy in the morning for a nice morning romp! Nothing better than getting to your 50's and being empty nesters!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




EXACTLY! After spending the better part of my life alone, by choice due to not wanting to play stupid games. I have found someone who makes my heart feel alive again, as well as other parts of my body. I love being wrapped up in in him when I fall asleep and when I wake...its the best part of my day!:smthumbup:


----------



## cbowbo2 (May 19, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> I'm truly sorry you feel that way.
> 
> If I read your posts right, you and your husband are both in your 50's and have been married nearly 29 years.
> Well, me and my wife are almost to where you are. We are in our late 40's and are coming up on our 28th anniversary.
> ...



Make sure she KNOWS that is how you still see her...couldnt hurt and it might help, that is if you havent done so already.


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

My wife and I both sleep in the nude. If we get cold we cuddle up together and add blankets. So no, what she wears does not telegraph her desire for sex. Her attitude does, or her words. Happily we've been married long enough that we don't have to play games anymore. If she wants sex, she just tells me or shows me. Same for me. Still plenty of foreplay just no mind games.


----------



## RelationshipAdviceHelp (Apr 12, 2012)

Wow, what a great thread.

If only more people realized the ramifications.

Note too, though, that it's not JUST the sleepware, but the attitude that goes along with it.

Those darn (would like to use stronger word...) flannel Tweety PJ's might go over well with kids, but hubby ain't thrilled. If the wife occasionally "reminded" (let your imagination go wild here) hubby NOT to be turned off by too many layers, and didn't just lay there like a dead mannequin while he pealed them off, it might help.


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

And hubby needs to remember to romance his wife. Don't expect her to be turned on just because you're in the mood. Help get her in the mood. Make her feel sexy and she will be sexy.


----------



## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

We usually go to bed at the same time. I usually wear pj bottoms or sometimes nothing but only after she's fallen asleep. She wears what I like to call Amish lingerie, ugly yet functional full length pj bottoms, and the oldest tshirt she owns. 

Even the very infrequent nights she wants to do something she won't wear any of the lovely lingerie I've bought her in the past to bed. I understand it's uncomfortable to sleep in but would be cool if she wore it at least coming to bed and changed afterwards.


----------



## TeR (Jun 28, 2012)

Batman4691,

What I wear to bed has *everything* to do with whether or not I am in the mood.

We've been married 15yrs. I'm 35. He's 54. We used to sleep naked until the 'crumb-snatchers' cramped our style (I didn't want to traumatize/scar them for life seeing their mama naked).

I fell into a rut rather easily...it was quite simple to take care of everyone/everything and forget about myself. Hair undone, no make up, sweats and T's, the whole 9. My nighties were replaced with stained/hole filled t-shirts, shorts, lounge pants, etc.

Last year my husband asked me to 'edit' my wardrobe. He said I dressed frumpy. issed: After his bullet wounds healed, I realized he was right. My appearance had been put on the back burner and I expected him to still be _as_ attracted. :scratchhead:

Anywho...that was the background leading to today. I still wear my big ugly t-shirts to bed, just not all the time. He lovingly refers to them as married man lingerie.


If I wear a t-shirt- I'm game to play or not.
If I wear a nightgown- I'm feeling frisky.
If I wear lounge pants- it's that time of the month; BJs only.
If I wear lingerie- I'm gonna tear him apart.
If I wear {whatever} but snuggle up to him booty first- I'd really like him to initiate...it's usually me.

That last one falls into line with what Sandc said, sometimes we need to be reminded that we're still attractive to you. When he initiates the kissing or touching, I feel sexy and want him even more.

Have you tried telling her how you feel? I was truly pissed when he first brought it up, but now...I'm truly happy he did.


----------



## Annie 54 (Mar 24, 2013)

I Make a concious decision what to wear to bed most nights .... but have never in 30 years worn a bra why would you ... can wait to get mine off at the end of the day.... my partner usually wear nothing at all which I love ... like to snuggle up skin to skin and do most nights .. I like to wear pretty underwear ... makes me feel sexy and even if we have both had a long day we always have a cuddle or even if we read before sleeping we always have contact even if it's just our feet .... and when we do have sex which we do at least twice a week ... I love the fact that there is something to remove .... but bed socks sorry... no chance .. where has all the romance gone....


----------



## RelationshipAdviceHelp (Apr 12, 2012)

TeR said:


> Batman4691,
> 
> What I wear to bed has *everything* to do with whether or not I am in the mood.
> 
> ...


@TeR - I really admire you're bullet point #3. For so many women BJ is a four letter word in the first place, a real non-starter. Instead they prefer to "make him suffer" for a week too instead of _any_ alternatives.

Insisting someone suffer when you do is certainly not part of a happy relationship recipe.

Additional admiration for you recognizing that - despite how he may have announced it to you - frumpy isn't hot.

LOTS of 54 year olds would love to trade places with your hubby.


----------



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

My wife wears the same thing to bed 365 days a year...

It's a night gown that provides some support for her big boobies.

We still have kids in the house and she says she never knows when she might have to jump out of bed to go take care of an emergency...

She'll sleep in the nude if both kids are away.

As far as telling if she's in the mood.. She's pretty much in the mood all time. 

We regulate our temperature by using just a sheet in the summer and 1 or 2 blankets and maybe a comforter in the winter.

She is hotter nurtured than I am... I'm always spooning with her to get warm


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Annie 54 said:


> I Make a concious decision what to wear to bed most nights .... but have never in 30 years worn a bra why would you ... can wait to get mine off at the end of the day.... my partner usually wear nothing at all which I love ... like to snuggle up skin to skin and do most nights .. I like to wear pretty underwear ... makes me feel sexy and even if we have both had a long day we always have a cuddle or even if we read before sleeping we always have contact even if it's just our feet .... and when we do have sex which we do at least twice a week ... I love the fact that there is something to remove .... but bed socks sorry... no chance .. where has all the romance gone....


This morning, as my wife was getting out of bed and undressing for the shower, I asked her why she wore her bra to sleep in, as I also thought it would be uncomfortable to wear that thing to bed.
She replied that it also provided support in bed so she didn't get that "flippy-floppy" thing going. 
(I should explain that my wife isn't exactly Dolly Parton but a rather chesty woman who wears a size 38 DD bra. Not huge, but more than a handful.) 

I understand her need for support during the day when she is vertical, but what baffles me is that when she does remove her bra to shower, I can see the marks left by the straps on her back. Surely, that has to be an uncomfortable thing to wear all the time. Isn't it? :scratchhead:

I might be inclined to believe her if she had always worn a bra to bed, but that wasn't the case for the first 15 or so years of our marriage. The bra got added later to the pajama party.

That's my question,........ where has all the romance gone? 
If this is any indication,... I have a photo of my beautiful wife set as the background on my cell phone. My wife, on the other hand has a photo of gumballs set as hers.
I ask you, who is the romantic?


----------



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> This morning, as my wife was getting out of bed and undressing for the shower, I asked her why she wore her bra to sleep in, as I also thought it would be uncomfortable to wear that thing to bed.
> She replied that it also provided support in bed so she didn't get that "flippy-floppy" thing going.
> (I should explain that my wife isn't exactly Dolly Parton but a rather chesty woman who wears a size 38 DD bra. Not huge, but more than a handful.)
> 
> ...


My step-daughter is big busted and she wears a bra to sleep and she says the same thing. 

If I was her husband... we'd she'd have a fight on her hands.


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

TeR said:


> Batman4691,
> 
> What I wear to bed has *everything* to do with whether or not I am in the mood.
> 
> ...


It is relationships like yours that I truly envy, and hope it lasts for you both. 

You've been married for 15 years and are 19 years younger than your husband. I hope you can feel the same when you've been married 28 years and are 48 years old with hubby being 67. 

Time can be either a b*tch to a relationship or enhance it depending upon if you grow together as a couple or apart, and right now, I am trying to prevent the slide of my own marriage where the space between us in bed seems like we are oceans apart. 
Sadly, my wife doesn't see that. 

I did, and have told my wife about how I feel. 
Like mentioning her clothing (and bra choice) to bed. I added that I would like to climb into bed and be able to cuddle up to my wife's naked body more often. She rolled her eyes and went with the "I get cold at night" excuse. I told her that I would love to warm her up, and she said if it was that important to me she would try taking off her extra blanket, but she isn't going to bed naked.  

"Cloaking devise disabled, shields are still up, Captain!"


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

hambone said:


> .
> 
> We still have kids in the house and she says she never knows when she might have to jump out of bed to go take care of an emergency...
> 
> She'll sleep in the nude if both kids are away.


When our kids were younger, yes, I can understand wearing something to bed, even if it's just some boxers. Nothing like having your 3 year old jumping into bed with you early in the morning when you have a propensity for "morning wood". 

However, our youngest will be turning 16 soon, so it has been nearly a decade since the youngin's have wandered into our bedroom.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I do shake my head at the women who wear bras to bed. It doesn't create a defiance of gravitational laws. Too funny! I'm a big chested girl too and those puppies run free at night.

It's interesting how many women cite children as a need for wearing clothes. I got up with my 1 year old Saturday evening buck naked, snuggled him in the rocking chair wrapped in his blankie and then put him back to bed. I slept nude while my girls grow up. Once they get a bit bigger, I would throw a robe on if it was chilly. It was a more relaxed atmosphere about nudity and bodies in our house.


----------



## MrsDraper (May 27, 2013)

I wear pretty much the same thing to bed all the time, every time. 


Except: this winter I got a GORGEOUS, long, white flowing nightgown for Christmas from my mom. I mean, it is to die for. It isn't necessarily sexy - but it is really a beautiful piece of lace work.

While my husband says it is pretty, he calls it my "not tonight" nightgown - because it is too hard to get off. I can get that. It literally drags the floor! It also gets twisted up. 

I've worn it about 3 times - I save it for when I'm feeling sick and want to feel better.


----------



## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

Batman4691 said:


> It is relationships like yours that I truly envy, and hope it lasts for you both.
> 
> You've been married for 15 years and are 19 years younger than your husband. I hope you can feel the same when you've been married 28 years and are 48 years old with hubby being 67.
> 
> ...


She does that because she doesnt want to have sex with you. In fact, she probably feels relatively uneasy about when she does give you some. Does she make you wear a condom or go clean up immediately when she does ALLOW you to have sex with her? Probably.

You are doing many of the wrong things. You are trying to convince her to want sex by applying to her reason- she can never "want" logic. She can only want when she feels, and by your obviously clingy behavior, at least sexually, that wont be happening soon.

Man up. Walk up to her and TAKE her. If she immediately becomes repulsed and resists, immediately stop (you arent a rapist after all) and say "you arent my wife. It appears she left years ago." and without clarifying go stay at a friends house for a few days (or a hotel if you have to). Start pulling away and focusing on your life and showing her that your life has value and that you demand that any woman YOU SHARE YOUR LIFE AND MIND AND BODY WITH DOES THE SAME. 

You seem to be posting almost as if youve accepted this situation. Sex every blue moon is good enough for you I guess. Its almost like youre just sharing this with us and are resolved to accept whatever she gives you. 

And im sure others will agree- that will be less and less as time goes on until youre either in a sexless marriage, she leaves you, or she ends up having an affair.

Tough love brother..


----------



## MrsLadyWriter (May 21, 2013)

I found a sleep bra necessary. I'm a size 48DD and it's just more comfortable to wear one than not. For me, it's the added support of when I roll over the girls go with me! I have heavy-duty bras for when I'm dressed in day clothes, but as soon as the day bra comes off the sleep bra goes on. Hubby knows how to pull it up and then help pull it back down afterwards.

And as for nightgowns - I threw away all of them when I started the night sweats. YUCK! Now, I have all loose fitting cotton. Most of them thin to average thickness. All of the pretty ones he bought me. No panties at night though. Even though we don't have sex most nights, it's more comfortable for me to not have to worry about twisted knickers at night!

Hubby sleeps in his tighty whities and whatever shirt he wore to work that day. I only complain about that if it's an itchy shirt. That's when I suggest he go bare chested. Love to snuggle against that barrel chest of his.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I'm a 34DD and no bra needed for bed. When I was preg and then breast feeding yes but no need since then.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> I do shake my head at the women who wear bras to bed. It doesn't create a defiance of gravitational laws. Too funny! I'm a big chested girl too and those puppies run free at night.
> 
> It's interesting how many women cite children as a need for wearing clothes. I got up with my 1 year old Saturday evening buck naked, snuggled him in the rocking chair wrapped in his blankie and then put him back to bed. I slept nude while my girls grow up. Once they get a bit bigger, I would throw a robe on if it was chilly. It was a more relaxed atmosphere about nudity and bodies in our house.


:iagree:

My mother was never afraid to have us see her naked and I think that I (even as a bigger woman) have less issues than my slimmest friends when it comes to being naked around others.


----------



## bewilderness (Jun 11, 2013)

I sleep naked every night...and so does DH. It's actually much warmer that way, but I'm the type who is always hot. 

It is more unusual for me to wear PJs or lingerie, but lingerie is a pretty good indication of things to come. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

OptimisticPessimist said:


> She does that because she doesnt want to have sex with you. In fact, she probably feels relatively uneasy about when she does give you some. Does she make you wear a condom or go clean up immediately when she does ALLOW you to have sex with her? Probably.
> 
> You are doing many of the wrong things. You are trying to convince her to want sex by applying to her reason- she can never "want" logic. She can only want when she feels, and by your obviously clingy behavior, at least sexually, that wont be happening soon.
> 
> ...


You give advise like you know me and my wife, but you don't.
What I have described in my postings are some common sexual difficulties that I feel my wife and I are experiencing, not some weird freak show where your solution is to wrestle the whip away from the ring master. 

#1. She does not make me wear a condom when we have sex, or go clean myself up afterward. I am not a dog and she doesn't treat me like some dirty animal. I never said as much, nor do I appreciate the connotation. 

#2. I know how to treat a lady, and what you describe is some macho bull*hit that would in reality make things terribly worse. I cannot imagine any decent marriage of sex therapist giving the advice I've seen you give.

#3. I know all about being the Alpha male, but you aren't going to be one with me. Trust me, I've dealt with the macho Alpha male that "_ain't goin to take any sh*t from his ol'lady_" and show her who the man of the house is. They are the ones that are paying child support to 3 different woman while still living alone. 

I appreciate you taking the time to read my thread, but your treatment and advice are out of place.


----------



## Annie 54 (Mar 24, 2013)

Totally agree we have always slept in the nude ... have four children ... and when i use to need to get up would just pull on a T shirt why would you worry if your kids saw your in the buff part of life ...when they were little they slept in with us no clothes on ... there comes a time when they will say .. hay mum but a robe on this is usually when they get a little older say around 12 .. and then you need to respect there wishes... Sleeping in the buff is free after all we were not born with clothes on... skin to skin contact is to me an imperative part of life when our babies are born one of the first things we do is lay them on our chest... that feeling of my partners skin on mine never stops the butterfly's in my tummy guess i'm the lucky one at 54 ... chuck out the nighties .. go on try it ...


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I can't like your post enough Annie, well said! My wife and I feel the exact same way.

But then, we're naturists so...


----------



## Annie 54 (Mar 24, 2013)

Thank you ... nice to know others feel the same we are not naturist but I understand the appeal ... first thing my daughter did when use to get in from school was take her clothes off down to her pants... and now my Granddaughter is the same ... As far as sleeping goes none of my adult children ... wear clothes in bed just the way it is with our family... each to there own ....


----------



## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

Batman4691 said:


> You give advise like you know me and my wife, but you don't.
> What I have described in my postings are some common sexual difficulties that I feel my wife and I are experiencing, not some weird freak show where your solution is to wrestle the whip away from the ring master.
> 
> #1. She does not make me wear a condom when we have sex, or go clean myself up afterward. I am not a dog and she doesn't treat me like some dirty animal. I never said as much, nor do I appreciate the connotation.
> ...


Weird freak show? Out of place? Alpha macho bullsh*t? Did you not notice "Tough love brother" at the end of my post? I feel you have become emotionally offended by my suggestion that you are doing something wrong and lashing out at me for it. I am not attacking you- MANY men make the same mistakes. Including me. 

Lets cover some facts:
1) Your wife used to wear little to bed, now she wears lots.
2) You arent getting laid anywhere near as much as you should be.
3) When a woman wants a man (and vice versa), sex happens.

You know how to treat a lady? So do I. And contrary to the harsh implications of your post, is it not in the "macho" way where macho is code for "treat with disrespect." Demand you are treated with respect, that your desires are catered to or at least cared about, and demand you do the same for her. Dont demean or abuse or neglect, and demand the same is given to you. Share and work together. 

I personally feel you are putting your desires and feelings aside in the fear that taking any major steps to fix it will result in the dissolution of whatever relationship you have left. Head over to "Coping with Infidelity" and have a look through there- see what being a doormat results in. You have time to fix it. You have time to get the spark back. Arguing the semantics of bust size vs. use of a bra and whether it is normal to have little sex when over time a wife develops a condition where she gets cold at night ISNT GOING TO FIX what is starting to break in your marriage.

I am not trying to be an alpha male with you to force you with my views. I am laying them out in what I reason to be a logical fashion hoping for your benefit that you consider a different approach than attempting logical semantics with a person (your wife) who has to FEEL for you as a man. I fear your "I know how to treat a lady" is codespeak for "I know how to be a doormat" as is the case in so many troubled marriages on this site. But something is for sure- you have needs and desires that your wife is not meeting and doesnt seem interested in trying to meet. This is a problem, and slaying the one's who suggest it wont fix it.

I really do wish you the best.


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

RelationshipAdviceHelp said:


> Wow, what a great thread.
> 
> If only more people realized the ramifications.


*Thank you for all the great comments on the thread topic and sharing your thoughts on your sleepwear habits. *

I thought it was an interesting subject too, which I have wondered about before. There seems to be so many differing perspectives on the subject, and I do welcome more, if you would like to continue sharing them.

_I do apologize for the last few posts that got off topic._


----------



## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Red2 said:


> I sleep in panties only. My husband sleeps in long sleeved shirts and underwear. I am always hot, he is always cold. I haven't had any action in two weeks when I gave him a BJ.... PIV sex with him? Can't remember the last time....


This man should see a doc quick....he must be crazy with a wife like this:rofl:


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

OptimisticPessimist said:


> Weird freak show? Out of place? Alpha macho bullsh*t? Did you not notice "Tough love brother" at the end of my post? I feel you have become emotionally offended by my suggestion that you are doing something wrong and lashing out at me for it. I am not attacking you- MANY men make the same mistakes. Including me.


Many of the men here have become cuckholded as a result of being good men, treating the ones they love very well and taking care of their families.



OptimisticPessimist said:


> Lets cover some facts:
> 1) Your wife used to wear little to bed, now she wears lots.
> 2) You arent getting laid anywhere near as much as you should be.
> 3) When a woman wants a man (and vice versa), sex happens.


It should be this way. 

#1. She probably wears alot to sleep to make herself less attractive.
#2. Many of the men on this board are in the same boat. Some haven't been laid in years, and they are "Golden Ratio's", with $300k/yr salaries
#3. Usually. If you hooked up with a successful barracuda, once she's laid her snare and you've been trapped, theirs no reason to keep trapping you. You've been defeated. So no sex. Also no sex may be part of her "winning".



OptimisticPessimist said:


> You know how to treat a lady? So do I. And contrary to the harsh implications of your post, is it not in the "macho" way where macho is code for "treat with disrespect." Demand you are treated with respect, that your desires are catered to or at least cared about, and demand you do the same for her. Dont demean or abuse or neglect, and demand the same is given to you. Share and work together.


You don't have to demand to be treated with respect... You could just choose to associate with people who remain respectful to you. You don't have to make someone be respectful. It's in their character.



OptimisticPessimist said:


> I personally feel you are putting your desires and feelings aside in the fear that taking any major steps to fix it will result in the dissolution of whatever relationship you have left. Head over to "Coping with Infidelity" and have a look through there- see what being a doormat results in. You have time to fix it. You have time to get the spark back. Arguing the semantics of bust size vs. use of a bra and whether it is normal to have little sex when over time a wife develops a condition where she gets cold at night ISNT GOING TO FIX what is starting to break in your marriage.


I guess "doormatted" is when you have put her needs above your needs, and you do this to make her happier. But it usually results in a cuckholded male who gets no respect and definately no loving. Haha.



OptimisticPessimist said:


> I am not trying to be an alpha male with you to force you with my views.


A successful and strong Alpha, could penetrate the mind of even Neo, and force his particular brand of "rose colored glasses".



OptimisticPessimist said:


> I am laying them out in what I reason to be a logical fashion hoping for your benefit that you consider a different approach than attempting logical semantics with a person (your wife) who has to FEEL for you as a man. I fear your "I know how to treat a lady" is codespeak for "I know how to be a doormat"


Well that's not what many of the men mean it to be. You see, tehy thought they had a good lady and could treat her well. Many turned out to have rat's instead, and those rat's take kindness for weakness.



OptimisticPessimist said:


> as is the case in so many troubled marriages on this site. But something is for sure- you have needs and desires that your wife is not meeting and doesnt seem interested in trying to meet. This is a problem, and slaying the one's who suggest it wont fix it.
> 
> I really do wish you the best.


Everyone's marriage on this site is not troubled. There are men who have successfully lifted themself from **** to STUD.

Can you make this challenge?


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

This is the second time I will try and put this thread back on topic.

I really do appreciate the insights and advice when they aren't condescending or belittling, but I already have posted "my story" on another thread and heard much of the same there.

I started this thread to see how others view the purpose of their sleepwear, or lack thereof, and its relationship with sexual or even intimate behavior while in bed.

True, I view my wife's choice in sleepwear as a barrier, she does not. Is it a conscious or subconscious choice of hers? I don't know, however it may be, I was just asking if others made their sleepwear choice based upon their own sexual intimacy or something else.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Batman4691 said:


> This is the second time I will try and put this thread back on topic.
> 
> I really do appreciate the insights and advice when they aren't condescending or belittling, but I already have posted "my story" on another thread and heard much of the same there.
> 
> I started this thread to see how others view the purpose of their sleepwear, or lack thereof, and its relationship with sexual or even intimate behavior while in bed.


Many of us men have also analyzed this perspective.



Batman4691 said:


> True, I view my wife's choice in sleepwear as a barrier, she does not. Is it a conscious or subconscious choice of hers? I don't know, however it may be, I was just asking if others made their sleepwear choice based upon their own sexual intimacy or something else.


It could be at this point she is really comfortable with you, and it feels better to go to bed fully covered. She doesn't need to appear "sexy" all the time.


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

AlphaProvider said:


> It could be at this point she is really comfortable with you, and it feels better to go to bed fully covered. She doesn't need to appear "sexy" all the time.


This is most likely the case. She sees her bedtime as just that. Time for bed. This would also explain that when we do have sex, it is either in the morning when she is up and about, or a possible afternoon quickie before the kids get home from school.


----------



## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

I'm extremely intuitive. I know the day my wife is going to start her period every time (and she doesn't usually even know!). I know what she wears to bed, and what it means. If she wears something sexy (e.g. wedgey wear), she is in the mood. If she wears a tank-top with full-cover cotton underwear, this is her icebox outfit. All of this is subconscious. 

I'm always in the mood 24/7, so she doesn't have anything to figure out.


----------



## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Umm, that ! One of the many efforts a wife has to make if she wants to keep the flame alive. In my case : NEVER sweat pants or pijamas while AWAKE at home. Satin nightgown with high cut, or satin babydolls, Victoria Secret lingerie- that's for cuddling at the tv, cooking together or whatever we do prior to...ahem. However, when it is time to sleep, a thick cotton pajamas gets on. My body temperature drops when sleeping so if I'm not warm enough I get sick. I could never sleep naked, no matter the weather. He does.


----------



## MrsTitoFrito (Jul 15, 2013)

Oversized t-shirt and underwear. Both of us. Every night. I'll wear lingerie if I'm feeling in the mood or am doing something special. I'm more likely to wear lingerie in the day rather than to bed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Hortensia said:


> Umm, that ! One of the many efforts a wife has to make if she wants to keep the flame alive. In my case : NEVER sweat pants or pijamas while AWAKE at home. Satin nightgown with high cut, or satin babydolls, Victoria Secret lingerie- that's for cuddling at the tv, cooking together or whatever we do prior to...ahem. *However, when it is time to sleep, a thick cotton pajamas gets on. My body temperature drops when sleeping so if I'm not warm enough I get sick. I could never sleep naked, no matter the weather. He does.*


That's what blankets and a warm bodied husband are made for.


----------



## justforfun1222 (Feb 6, 2013)

For me there are nights when I sleep naked and there are nights when I wear sexy things to bed, and some nights it is just a t-shirt and panties, but any of those choices does not mean that I don't want sex. I am tired of having to ask for sex, and then getting turned down no matter what I am wearing. I am a 44 year old woman and I am in shape, and I have a good sex drive, I would like to have sex at least 3 times a week, but right now it has been 2 months. We have had a lot going on, my dad has just recently passed with lung cancer, after being at home with us on hospice, and as upset as I have been I still wanted to have sex, it makes you feel close to someone and after losing both of my parents in 2 years, I feel like I need some type of connection with my husband, I am just not feeling it anymore. I have just quit mentioning it, I test the waters by flirting, but lately have not gotten anything in return. I know this is a bit off topic, but I am wondering what all this means. We used to have a great sex life, now if it takes us 20 minutes once every month I am lucky. My ex and I were together for 7 years and we were still like rabbits up until the end. Anyone have any suggestions?


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

justforfun1222 said:


> For me there are nights when I sleep naked and there are nights when I wear sexy things to bed, and some nights it is just a t-shirt and panties, but any of those choices does not mean that I don't want sex. I am tired of having to ask for sex, and then getting turned down no matter what I am wearing. I am a 44 year old woman and I am in shape, and I have a good sex drive, I would like to have sex at least 3 times a week, but right now it has been 2 months. We have had a lot going on, my dad has just recently passed with lung cancer, after being at home with us on hospice, and as upset as I have been I still wanted to have sex, it makes you feel close to someone and after losing both of my parents in 2 years, I feel like I need some type of connection with my husband, I am just not feeling it anymore. I have just quit mentioning it, I test the waters by flirting, but lately have not gotten anything in return. I know this is a bit off topic, but I am wondering what all this means. We used to have a great sex life, now if it takes us 20 minutes once every month I am lucky. My ex and I were together for 7 years and we were still like rabbits up until the end. Anyone have any suggestions?


justforfun,

Sorry for the loss of your father.
Your situation and how you are feeling sound like a carbon copy of mine. 
My wife and I are hitting it about once a month, and she doesn't feel there is a problem with that. Years ago we use to have the most amazing sex 3-4 times a week, with us sleeping in the nude or nearly nude together every night. Nothing can beat the intimacy of just skin to skin contact at night.

I feel your pain, and know the frustration you are experiencing.


----------



## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

justforfun1222 said:


> For me there are nights when I sleep naked and there are nights when I wear sexy things to bed, and some nights it is just a t-shirt and panties, but any of those choices does not mean that I don't want sex. I am tired of having to ask for sex, and then getting turned down no matter what I am wearing. I am a 44 year old woman and I am in shape, and I have a good sex drive, I would like to have sex at least 3 times a week, but right now it has been 2 months. We have had a lot going on, my dad has just recently passed with lung cancer, after being at home with us on hospice, and as upset as I have been I still wanted to have sex, it makes you feel close to someone and after losing both of my parents in 2 years, I feel like I need some type of connection with my husband, I am just not feeling it anymore. I have just quit mentioning it, I test the waters by flirting, but lately have not gotten anything in return. I know this is a bit off topic, but I am wondering what all this means. We used to have a great sex life, now if it takes us 20 minutes once every month I am lucky. My ex and I were together for 7 years and we were still like rabbits up until the end. Anyone have any suggestions?


There's plenty of other threads about how to deal with a LD spouse, but in relation to sleepwear maybe wear the sexy stuff just for you? I've read how some women wear sexy stuff for themselves because it makes them feel sexy, feminine, attractive, regardless of how their mate responds. Maybe try to wear something without any expectation that night, something that is comfortable for you to sleep in. Just a thought. Sorry your drives are mis-matched now, I know what that is like.


----------



## TravisUSCG88 (Jul 22, 2013)

I sleep in just my boxers, nothing else. I can't wear a shirt in bed when I'm sleeping. It feels like I'm being strangled if I do. I've slept shirtless in just my boxers ever since I was at least 5 years old I think. My wife sleeps in pajamas or pajama pants and a Tshirt. I've never thought my sleepwear had anything to do with sex or anything. Just comfort.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

At this point in my life, married 28 years, I wear sexy slinky nighties to bed then wake up drenched in sweat -I mean dripping wet- remove everything and wipe myself off with a towel I keep handy for night time hot flashes, then finish the night naked and shivering. Also, my sex drive has slowed recently so we maybe have sex about 1-2 times a week, but I'm always open for sex.

To answer your original post, yes in my marriage slinky sexy nighty is normal, tee shirt and cotton pants mean don't even consider touching me.


----------



## CreekWalker (May 31, 2013)

ginger-snap said:


> Ugh. I can't imagine sleeping in all those clothes. A bra too? That would just be torture. I hate feeling constricted in bed.
> 
> Has she has her thyroid checked? Being very cold all the time can be a symptom of hypothyroidism.


(o: I went through this. I was FREEZING. I would alternate with being sweltering hot. Turned out it was hashimoto thyroiditis. I was alternating hypo with hyper. 

My hubs was disgusted that I was wearing socks to bed and layering up, and then when I'd be hot, he'd complain I was sweaty. NO WINNING


----------



## CreekWalker (May 31, 2013)

You know what kills me? When I go to bed IN the sexy soft stuff, he sees me and he doesn't come to bed. Then I wake up at midnight or one am, dead of winter freezing, and put on something warm. Ten minutes later he comes to bed and he's all "what are you wearing? Jeesh I thought you were in your sexies and wanted some." Yeah. Like three hours ago jerk face.


----------



## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

I also have a fantasy that my wife would wear those vintage night gowns, maybe even something a bit sheer.


----------



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

CreekWalker said:


> You know what kills me? When I go to bed IN the sexy soft stuff, he sees me and he doesn't come to bed. Then I wake up at midnight or one am, dead of winter freezing, and put on something warm. Ten minutes later he comes to bed and he's all "what are you wearing? Jeesh I thought you were in your sexies and wanted some." Yeah. Like three hours ago jerk face.


MEN!!!! You just can't win!!!!


----------



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> At this point in my life, married 28 years, I wear sexy slinky nighties to bed then wake up drenched in sweat -I mean dripping wet- remove everything and wipe myself off with a towel I keep handy for night time hot flashes, then finish the night naked and shivering. Also, my sex drive has slowed recently so we maybe have sex about 1-2 times a week, but I'm always open for sex.
> 
> To answer your original post, yes in my marriage slinky sexy nighty is normal, tee shirt and cotton pants mean don't even consider touching me.


You ever hear the legend of the old guy who went to the lingerie shop to buy his wife something sexy for their anniversary?

He asked the sales lady for something sheer. She brought a see through nightie... held it up for him... And he asked for something even more sheer. She goes to the back... comes back with something that was really sheer. He looks at it and says, 'Naw.... Don't you have anything more sheer?" Sales lady goes to the back and comes back with something that is so sheer... you can't even tell it's there... Old guy says, "Now we're talking!!" She gift wraps it for him... he pays the lady $200 and is on his way.

He get's home that night... gives it to his wife and tells her to go up stairs and put it on... She does. She comes back... she's at the top of the stairs... She calls his name... he's watching with great anticipation... She steps out... strikes a pose and ask, "Well.. what do you think?"

The old guy squints his eyes and says, ""Well. for $200... you'd think they could iron the darn thing!"

It's a joke!


----------



## mace17 (Jul 12, 2013)

I used to sleep naked when I first met my hubby and we had sex almost every night. After we had a baby, I started wearing at least a t-shirt and panties to bed because I had to get up with the baby in the night and didn't want to be fumbling for clothes or running through the house naked. I still wear that to bed, it just got to be a habit and I feel more comfortable that way. Of course in winter I wear sweatpants to bed, but our house doesn't have heat upstairs. I usually don't feel comfortable sleeping naked because of bad childhood experiences, but wearing clothing to bed is not a signal that I'm not interested in sex, not to me anyway.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

hambone said:


> You ever hear the legend of the old guy who went to the lingerie shop to buy his wife something sexy for their anniversary?
> 
> He asked the sales lady for something sheer. She brought a see through nightie... held it up for him... And he asked for something even more sheer. She goes to the back... comes back with something that was really sheer. He looks at it and says, 'Naw.... Don't you have anything more sheer?" Sales lady goes to the back and comes back with something that is so sheer... you can't even tell it's there... Old guy says, "Now we're talking!!" She gift wraps it for him... he pays the lady $200 and is on his way.
> 
> ...


That joke is old!

"Today local police found an unidentified man's body in a park nearby. They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Ass and a tiny little Wiener. I was just checking to make sure that you are okay...."


----------



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> That joke is old!
> 
> "Today local police found an unidentified man's body in a park nearby. They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Ass and a tiny little Wiener. I was just checking to make sure that you are okay...."


Oldie but a goody!

LOL!!! Thanks for checkin!


----------



## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

I remember when my wife would wear sexies to bed then with the baby and depression I was lucky if I even got the bed to sleep in but I do agree with a lot of peoples comments sleeping naked with your partner is a very good intimacy builder and the best way to bond with someone. my wife used to hate sleeping next to me unless it was winter because I used to be sunburnt everyday and be like a furnace at night


----------



## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

AlphaProvider said:


> Many of the men here have become cuckholded as a result of being good men, treating the ones they love very well and taking care of their families.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Agree.


AlphaProvider said:


> #2. Many of the men on this board are in the same boat. Some haven't been laid in years, and they are "Golden Ratio's", with $300k/yr salaries


That sucks. Hopefully many can change that..


AlphaProvider said:


> #3. Usually. If you hooked up with a successful barracuda, once she's laid her snare and you've been trapped, theirs no reason to keep trapping you. You've been defeated. So no sex. Also no sex may be part of her "winning".


Agree.





AlphaProvider said:


> You don't have to demand to be treated with respect... You could just choose to associate with people who remain respectful to you. You don't have to make someone be respectful. It's in their character.


Unfortunately as Coping with Infidelity shows, people dont always realize that a person wont be respectful to them until its too late. If everyone left at the first sign of disrespect, reconciliation wouldnt be such a popular buzzword there. As batman will later show, yes, you DO have to demand to be treated with respect. He did that very well.


AlphaProvider said:


> I guess "doormatted" is when you have put her needs above your needs, and you do this to make her happier. But it usually results in a cuckholded male who gets no respect and definately no loving. Haha.


Agree.


AlphaProvider said:


> A successful and strong Alpha, could penetrate the mind of even Neo, and force his particular brand of "rose colored glasses".


...but chooses not to.


AlphaProvider said:


> Well that's not what many of the men mean it to be. You see, tehy thought they had a good lady and could treat her well. Many turned out to have rat's instead, and those rat's take kindness for weakness.


Goes to show you cant always predict if they will be respectful.. Agree.


AlphaProvider said:


> Everyone's marriage on this site is not troubled. There are men who have successfully lifted themself from **** to STUD.


Thats always great to see!


AlphaProvider said:


> Can you make this challenge?


I have in my own way just as every man has to in his own way.


----------



## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/105457-ld-wife-truly-turned-alpha-male.html

This is exactly what I was talking about.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In the past, STBX made it a rule for us to sleep in the nude. So hey, maybe you're onto something OP


----------

