# How does he feel?



## Mia8xxx (Mar 4, 2020)

*What are his intentions?*

I would really appreciate some insight and perspective on this problem of mine.

This guy who I had a few dates with last year responded to my text to catch up with an enthusiastic yes. He also mentioned that he had a girlfriend and would have to ask her but that it ‘shouldn’t be too much of an issue’. I did not know about the girlfriend. Now I am wondering about his intentions. We did really like each other but had to stop seeing each other because it became a long-distance relationship. Now I am moving back to where he lives hence why I texted to catch up. I don’t understand why you would want to meet with an ex if you are happy in your relationship. I don’t want to hurt anyone by agreeing to meet. Should I meet with him bearing in mind that I would like to keep in touch (but under no circumstances get involved with his relationship!)?
We weren’t friends before (we dated) so I am confused as to what his intentions are?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

*Re: What are his intentions?*

You need to find someone else. This is weird.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

*Re: What are his intentions?*

In my opinion, his intentions shouldn't be the focus of your behavior/choices.

This situation makes you uncomfortable, and that's what should lead your decision-making.

Simply send him a text, and tell him the truth - 'After learning of your relationship, I'm no longer comfortable meeting. I wish the two of you all the best!'

And then you drop it. Don't get sucked into all the justifications and the going in circles.

Ground yourself in self-love, and do what's best for you - not some guy you knew a year ago and had a handful of dates with.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Mia8xxx said:


> I would really appreciate some insight and perspective on this problem of mine.
> 
> This guy who I had a few dates with last year responded to my text to catch up with an enthusiastic yes. He also mentioned that he had a girlfriend and would have to ask her but that it ‘shouldn’t be too much of an issue’. I did not know about the girlfriend. Now I am wondering about his intentions. We did really like each other but had to stop seeing each other because it became a long-distance relationship. Now I am moving back to where he lives hence why I texted to catch up. I don’t understand why you would want to meet with an ex if you are happy in your relationship. I don’t want to hurt anyone by agreeing to meet. Should I meet with him bearing in mind that I would like to keep in touch (but under no circumstances get involved with his relationship!)?
> We weren’t friends before (we dated) so I am confused as to what his intentions are?


I think he's trying to start something with you.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

It appears the relationship ended on a positive/friendly note. His responding was in a friend type of way. Plus, he said he has a GF which is telling you the catch up is just that. Nothing more.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

IMO: Stay away from this situation. Intentions: He is in another relationship. What good could come from 'catching up'?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

how long did you date? ddi both of you mutually agree to stop seeing each other? off the top of my head he probably wants to see how you are getting on and about what has happen since you stopped seeing each other. but certainly if you feel you are intruding in his life than move on.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

It's doubtful that your relationship can truly be "just friends" at this point. There's likely going to be an underlying flirting component going on at certain times. In addition, his GF will likely not appreciate him hanging with you, which may hurt their relationship. Likewise, any BF you meet will likely not like you hanging out with an ex. There are going to be lots of new people you can be friends with when you move back. You don't need this particular friendship since there are many downsides that will come with it.

I can't really say much about his intentions at this point. He may just be thinking it will be cool to hang out without realizing the implications and reality of it. But there's always the possibility he knows exactly what he's doing and is hoping for more. In either case, it's probably not worth it to go down that path.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Not sure about his intentions, but I wouldn’t meet up or keep contacting him out of respect for the girlfriend. 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Not a good idea.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Yep, he's spinning you up, yet if you mention it he has an out; he can say well he said he had a gf.

A gf isn't a W, and unless a serious relationship it wouldn't take much for this guy to take advantage of a situation and bed you if there was an opportunity.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> Not sure about his intentions, but I wouldn’t meet up or keep contacting him out of respect for the girlfriend.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: 

Just text him back and say "Oh I'm glad to hear you are in a relationship. No worries, I would prefer to respect who you're currently with and not catch up. Glad to hear you're happy!"

The. End.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: What are his intentions?*

@Mia8xxx

I merged your two threads into this one. You will get better input with one thread for a topic.


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## Mia8xxx (Mar 4, 2020)

Thanks for your comment. Yes it was a mutual decision and we knew each other for 8 months. We both felt like we had a strong connection but unfortunately the distance was the only issue. My gut is telling me he is still interested......


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

IMO: he will have more respect for you if you defer to his current GF. And you should have more respect for him if he is faithful or changes his status. Please don't be 'that' person because you know he is interested.

If you do not want to create chaos, meet with both of them? What do you think deep down about that suggestion?


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## Mia8xxx (Mar 4, 2020)

Thanks for your comment. 
What do you think are his intentions? I just want to know that so I can best know how to proceed.....


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Mia8xxx said:


> Thanks for your comment.
> 
> What do you think are his intentions? I just want to know that so I can best know how to proceed.....




I feel like his intentions are irrelevant, he is taken. Leave him alone.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Mia8xxx said:


> Thanks for your comment.
> What do you think are his intentions? I just want to know that so I can best know how to proceed.....


*Sex*, and you will be the other woman!


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## Mia8xxx (Mar 4, 2020)

*What are his intentions?!*

I would really appreciate some insight and perspective on this problem of mine.

This guy who I had a few dates with last year responded to my text to catch up with an enthusiastic yes. He also mentioned that he had a girlfriend and would have to ask her but that it ‘shouldn’t be too much of an issue’. I did not know about the girlfriend. Now I am wondering about his intentions. We did really like each other but had to stop seeing each other because it became a long-distance relationship. Now I am moving back to where he lives hence why I texted to catch up. I don’t understand why you would want to meet with an ex if you are happy in your relationship. I don’t want to hurt anyone by agreeing to meet. Should I meet with him bearing in mind that I would like to keep in touch (but under no circumstances get involved with his relationship!)?
We weren’t friends before (we dated) so I am confused as to what his intentions are?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

*Re: What are his intentions?!*

Why are you starting the same thread again that you started on March 4?


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

*Re: What are his intentions?!*

So why not ask men about a man's intentions?
I think it would be a more beneficial practice.

"I am confused as to what his intentions are?".....Sex.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

*Re: What are his intentions?*

@Mia8xxx multiple copies of the same posts/threads are not allowed on TAM. I have merged your two threads into one.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

*Re: What are his intentions?!*



Sfort said:


> Why are you starting the same thread again that you started on March 4?


The answer they got isn’t the answer they wanted. 

You’re witnessing how rationalization happens.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

sunsetmist said:


> IMO: he will have more respect for you if you defer to his current GF. And you should have more respect for him if he is faithful or changes his status. Please don't be 'that' person because you know he is interested.
> 
> *If you do not want to create chaos, meet with both of them? What do you think deep down about that suggestion?*


as usual, sunsetmist asks the right question.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Mia8xxx said:


> I don’t want to hurt anyone by agreeing to meet. Should I meet with him bearing in mind that I would like to keep in touch (but under no circumstances get involved with his relationship!)?


No, you shouldn't, and you know this or you wouldn't be asking. 

Text him and say "I didn't realise you had a girlfriend, I don't feel it's appropriate for us to catch up, contact me if you find yourself single again" or something like that.

Or, as someone else said, respond and say that you would like to meet with both of them. His response will tell you all you need to know about his intentions - not that they are relevant to what YOU should do.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Unless you want to be a part of a ménage-a-trois, I'd recommend you steering clear of this guy!

I could sense no real sign of interest from this guy!*


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Mia8xxx said:


> Thanks for your comment.
> What do you think are his intentions? I just want to know that so I can best know how to proceed.....


Well let's just say that the road to hell was paved with intentions, and good ones at that.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

*Re: What are his intentions?*



Mia8xxx said:


> I would really appreciate some insight and perspective on this problem of mine.
> 
> This guy who I had a few dates with last year responded to my text to catch up with an enthusiastic yes. He also mentioned that he had a girlfriend and would have to ask her but that it ‘shouldn’t be too much of an issue’. I did not know about the girlfriend. Now I am wondering about his intentions. We did really like each other but had to stop seeing each other because it became a long-distance relationship. Now I am moving back to where he lives hence why I texted to catch up. I don’t understand why you would want to meet with an ex if you are happy in your relationship. I don’t want to hurt anyone by agreeing to meet. Should I meet with him bearing in mind that I would like to keep in touch (but under no circumstances get involved with his relationship!)?
> We weren’t friends before (we dated) so I am confused as to what his intentions are?


To answer your real question, your boyfriend might want to catch up with an ex/previous date simply because they had fun together.

Remember that whole "Once you get into a relationship, you shouldn't have to cut contact with all your male friends" "red flag". Yeah, guys get to run with that privilege too - we should not have to stop speaking to other females just because you've got issues.

Perhaps they really want to have a sex hook up. Then that's something you'll have to address, perhaps even point out your concern, and then deal with the relationship expectations afterwards. Does your boyfriend own your sexual organs and pleasures? Do you own his? Why are you trying to control your partner.

Peace out, all - back to work for me.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

*Re: What are his intentions?*

I can't see any good that would come from this. 
Why do you need/want to see him. 
I mean it is one thing if you two are just two old pals that have no attraction to each other, I mean the GF probably would be ok with that 
but why would you two start re-connecting when the only reason you stopped going out is distance and you both know feelings could pop up.
If I were the GF I'd tell him I was against it and I see no reason for you to pursue this....unless you are hoping to mess up their current relationship.

This seems borderline inappropriate.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Ask them both to meet you for coffee. That will end all confusion.


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