# how much is too much



## blondie (Dec 8, 2008)

i dont know how much fighting in a marrige is too much?
me and my hubby have only been married for 2 years, we had a quick and passionate begining and 6 months later e were married and having a baby, we dont have alot of money and we are both studying full time and working a bit. so we knew we were going to be stressed and we would find these first years really hard as, esentially we are still getting to know eachother, we fight.... probably alot and then we may have a good spell a couple of week to a couple of months when we are fine and then we start fighting all the time. i am totally prepared to stick it out and pull through and think things will get batter again when we start earning proper money have our own house and time to invest time into our relationship... lots of people thought we wouldnt last as we are like opposites attract.... i just dont know if i am trying to just make excuses and convince myself it will be ok or are we fighting too much, i dont know what is normal and acceptable?

anyone have advise?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

First off what kinds of things do you fight about? Are there recurring issues or do you just hit a flash point and fight about something silly or unimportant? As far as your query the amount of disagreements people have in a relationship vary from couple to couple. The important thing is not the amount of fighting but how the conflicts are resolved.


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## blondie (Dec 8, 2008)

i suppose its reoccuring things.... we start fighting about anything and then the same old stuff comes up over and over . he always says i annoy him by not doing things the right way or making too many mistakes and he (as i do ) have problems in 'the bedroom department'. of course since we met things have changed i have a very difficult family to be around, i like ignore it and he likes to confornt it or have nothing to do with any of them.
and i think he wants me to be the way i was when we first met but i have said i had no stresses then, now i have a baby and money wories and studying ... last night he threatened to leave and it completely broke me down, i dont think he really wanted to and this morning he said he was sorry for upsetting me and it was just a fight that went too far, but now i feel like i cant trust him as much to stay around and when you cant trust someone i feel like i dont want to give all of me to him


i dont know if any of this makes sense ...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Saying something stupid like I’m leaving during the heat of an argument is not a hanging offence. It this is not a reason for you to lose trust in him. I’m sure it hurt but try and get passed it. It this a threat he makes on a regular basis? If so that is a problem leading me tot the following questions. When he says you annoy him because you make mistakes, what kinds of things are these mistakes? This kind of behavior could indicate a controlling personality. Is he controlling?


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## blondie (Dec 8, 2008)

yes i think he knows he is though but its things like posting things in the wrong catagory... or cooking something and doing it wrong, or losing the key to the bike lock, or thinking the soap conditioner is the soap.... i can be a bit dippy but i blame it on him knocking my confidence and telling me i am stupid instead of laughing it off or something....
he is irish and is firey and i knew he was controlling before we married but it is a problem and do feel like i get labeled the stupid one. sometimes we will fight 2 or 3 times a day for a week and sometimes we'll go through a bad patch for a couple of weeks before we get ourselfs sorted... is this normal teetching marrige stuff or excessive?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi Blondie,

I've had plenty of 'blonde' moments myself. I'm glad you posted. I think much of what you argue about (obviously you are both under a lot of stress) is small in nature, but how you respond to one another can get worse down the road if you continue on this path. If the way he speaks to you is disrespectful, I would start putting my foot down by responding in a calm, but serious tone...'that comment was unnecessary. I'm doing the best I can.' And leave it at that...don't play into the arugument and go in circles. Over time, he should learn that you will not put up with or respond to him if he treats you with disrespect.

I'm sure when you feel he doesn't respect you, it doesn't do much for wanting to be intimate. This can be a double-edged sword because if sex is lacking, it is probably only adding to his stress/frustration. While I do think he needs to be more respectful towards you, I also think you can change your stance and (if you are not already doing so) pay attention to his moods, his stress level each day and be understanding...see if there is something you can do to ease it...a backrub, rent a funny movie, etc. so you both have some 'fun' down time.


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## blondie (Dec 8, 2008)

thanx so much for your replies, i will really remember that practical advise of stay calm and just say thats unessesary , i am doing the best i can as i sometimes do get sucked into the fight and know it all just about dissapears if i stay calm and dont get into a throwing names fight....

i guess maybe its ok to fight as much as we do but it should improve, it cant be like this in 3years time??.... its the first time i've written on here and its been such a help...


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