# looking for support



## turtlejmu99 (Nov 5, 2013)

So, I posted in the considering seperation/divore, but I think I should have posted here. I've been married for 12 years, together almost 13. My husband is a good man. Helps around the house, yard, & is good with the kids (9, 7, & 3). For the last year or so, I just haven't felt the same towards him. It took me quite a while to come to that realization. I've been in therapy for that, as well as depression. We worked through the issue of an inappropriate texting relationship I had a few years ago. It was not an emotional affair, I think just a bad way for me to feel something I wasn't feeling at home. Maybe a way for me to disrupt my homelife. I have only been partially honest with my husband about my current feelings. He is still having a hard time with all of this. I have caught him off guard because he thought everything was good. We begin couples therapy next week. I want to express myself in that setting so we don't end up fighting. I guess I just want to hear stories about people coming back from something like this. I really don't have anyone I can discuss this openly with, which is why I'm here. I don't do much outside of the home other than work full time. I've already gotten that bashing about being selfish & to just leave and do the right thing for him, so I don't need more of those.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

In order to feel love you must do love. 

Love is an action. It is work that never stops. Everyday you must make an effort to love. Just as you would to hate.

Start small. Start with your memories. Have they all gone bad? Does your first kiss make you cringe? Did he mess up his proposal? Try shifting your thoughts to remember the good in those moments. 

Also work on giving love. By giving love you actually feel love. It could be as simple as pouring him a coffee or covering him with a quilt. The more acts of love you do the better you should feel. 

If however, he is not reciprocating you might start to feel resentful. If this is the case there are larger issues at hand than just losing a feeling.


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## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

I'm your husband. However I'm a sbx my sbx gave 9 years of trying to help me with my bad habits. After this she had enough. I agree you have to love , if you go to counseling give it your all. My DNA sat me down several times at let me know where she stood. You have to the same look into the 180 plan. I should have tried that more but I didn't. Listen to your heart though, because if you don't it may be fatal. If anything separate to help gain perspective. I know your looking for a success story I don't have it. But my story may help save yours. Each of you right down why fell in live. Then right down what you would have changed. Then go from there, share dreams, try having sex for 7 days and see if that starts the spark. Use pet nAmes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

If you decide to separate, make absolutely sure you set ground rules together.

Money
The kids
Dating

I can tell you that you might find that some time apart will help you realize the grass is not greener and you might start to feel the way you need to about your H.

Good luck, your marriage seems like something worth fighting for,
Stretch


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## scientia (Aug 27, 2012)

turtlejmu99 said:


> For the last year or so, I just haven't felt the same towards him. It took me quite a while to come to that realization. I've been in therapy for that, as well as depression. We worked through the issue of an inappropriate texting relationship I had a few years ago. It was not an emotional affair, I think just a bad way for me to feel something I wasn't feeling at home.


When you say "inappropriate", I assume you mean sexual. So, does this mean that there is something lacking sexually in your relationship? You say that you don't feel the same about him. Clearly that isn't because of responsibility or the kids. So, I would guess that it has to do with his behavior towards you.

What exactly have you been doing in therapy regarding your feelings towards him? I ask because it doesn't sound like you've made much progress. The problem in your marriage might have a solution but not by avoiding any major issues. I don't know what others have told you but I'm not here to beat you up. I'll give you any suggestion I can once I understand what the problem is.

How did you used to feel about your husband and how do you feel now? What do you see as lacking? What would you like to be different? Have discussed things before or dropped hints and been rejected? Are there things that you would like to change but believe are impossible to change?


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

If the texting was sexually inappropriate then that is cheating. Sorry but it is. 

If you are no longer sexually attracted to your husband then let him go and let him find a woman who will love him. But don't stay silent and not say anything and then walk away later on or have an affair like so many silent, passive women with no backbones do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

If you are posting here asking for help in saving your marriage, it tells me that you do indeed want to save it. That is a good start. 
Tracyishere is right, You must feel love.

A marriage is a wonderful gift from God and humanity, it is very precious and you must nurture it everyday to keep it alive.

Why don't you write your husband a love letter? or write him a sexy note, put it somewhere for him to find later, like in his pants pocket or his car.
Talk to him open hearted, tell him your fears, your anxieties, and your expectations. 
Make a new covenant with him and follow it through.
Good luck with your marriage counseling. Give it your all, and good luck!


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## dontbeused (Nov 15, 2013)

turtlejmu99 said:


> So, I posted in the considering seperation/divore, but I think I should have posted here. I've been married for 12 years, together almost 13. My husband is a good man. Helps around the house, yard, & is good with the kids (9, 7, & 3). For the last year or so, I just haven't felt the same towards him. It took me quite a while to come to that realization. I've been in therapy for that, as well as depression. *We worked through the issue of an inappropriate texting relationship I had a few years ago. It was not an emotional affair, *I think just a bad way for me to feel something I wasn't feeling at home. Maybe a way for me to disrupt my homelife. I have only been partially honest with my husband about my current feelings. He is still having a hard time with all of this. I have caught him off guard because he thought everything was good. We begin couples therapy next week. I want to express myself in that setting so we don't end up fighting. I guess I just want to hear stories about people coming back from something like this. I really don't have anyone I can discuss this openly with, which is why I'm here. I don't do much outside of the home other than work full time. I've already gotten that bashing about being selfish & to just leave and do the right thing for him, so I don't need more of those.


That statement alone is enough for me to say you are dooming this relationship. If you do not think your H felt an inappropriate relationship of ANY kind outside the marriage was not a breach of trust that is no different than a physical affair. You broke the marriage. Marriage is nothing without trust. 
You sound like you need IC for you. You need to learn why you feel having a relationship with OM on a phone is not an affair. This is not sane talk IMO. You are minimizing at best.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Hi turtle

I advice you to visit the reconcilation thread, this thread was created by the user "B1" a betrayed husband who seek reconcilation with his wife "EI", since then many couples looking reconcilation have been there looking for advice and excercises to recommect with their spouses.

many o them are doing pretty well, the most important factor for reconcilation is to be willing to try, go there, people there is very kind and willing to give a helping hand to others in similar situations.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/52974-reconciliation.html

I wish you luck in your path towards reconcilation, it seems that you husband is commited to you, don't lose hope, if he is eager to reconnect with you and you are willing to try, then you have a good chance.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Keep going to your MC and be honest with each other. It seems like this could work if you BOTH put effort into this. I hope it works out -good luck!!


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