# Trying to cope with what happened during separation



## meandmeonly (Nov 23, 2012)

We separated 6 months ago, our relationship was awful, we both agree now. While we were separated, she tried to get me to come home, I was still hurt and upset, I told her I didn't want her anymore. A couple months went by and she started dating, and so did I. We recently(2 months ago) decided to leave the people we were dating and in love with to try and make things work again, given our new outlook on our problems we had. I never committed with sex with the person I was dating, and I was somehow under the misunderstanding she didn't either. I brought it up one day and she said" I never said I didn't", I was crushed, I felt dead inside that instant. I was falling in love with her all over again, and bam, it died right there. I flipped out on her and told her I didn't want to try anymore. She still came back and didn't give up on me. We've been still working on things, but I'm still going insane inside knowing another man had my wife, even though I know we technically weren't together, I'm still very much heartbroken over it. It consumes me when I'm not around her, gets me so angry with the guy she was with. All of this isn't the worst part..I now have this obsession with thoughts of her having sex with this guy, I had to know every detail of their sex life, his size, the positions he had her in, how much she anticipated him being inside of her, all of it. I really don't know how to get past this. I just want to fall in love with her again, and make her do the same with me, but I fear this won't go away. I have no clue what to do from here. I don't want to scare her away with questions anymore, so at this point I'm just keeping this stuff in my head. Anybody have any advice on how to start making this go away? I love my wife with all my heart, I know I'm responsible for what she did with him by telling her I didn't want her anymore. I'm sick inside, what do I do?


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I see you only had 1 post. I hope you make your way back There's a ton of advice here. 

The same thing happened to me man right before my wife and I got married. We were dating, had a falling out and she kicked me out. She slept with a guy that was hitting on her for a month. Devastated me. 

Time. I never really let that go... which was one of my problems. But to be honest, before this last blow up, I think I could've been over it. I don't remember thinking about it so much at all really. 

IT does hurt man. It hurts like nothing physical ever has. You do get over it.. . if you truly love the person. It's probably worse when you're together and it's infidelity. 

Think about this bro, most women have had sex before you get with them, correct? I for one remember how it felt for me and my wife... stbxw... before we even had sex I felt sick to my stomach. Yeup. Sucked. But really? All the other girls I dated and had sex with... had sex. They didn't make me feel weird. My wife did however. Before we even had sex it bothered me to think about someone having her. But again, it's better this way than for her to have cheated on you. 

Hmm. all I can really say. We're human. We all have urges, we all have needs. You told her you didn't want her (as my wife is telling me now...) and so she found happiness... or some form of it anyways. Can't blame her bub. 

Now I don't remember seeing that you guys are married. So I think that'd make a difference... but as it stands, you told her to f'off so to speak so she found a guy and had fun. 

Doesn't mean at all that she looks at you any less. In fact, the way I see it now that I think about it, is if she had this other guy, and is still wanting to come back to you... shouldn't you be... HAPPY? You beat whoever it was she was dating. 

Either way, give it time. Sleep on it. Try not to get too intimate. Talk to some pros and see, but me? It helped me a bit when I told my wife how hurt I was feeling about it, she made sure that she did everything possible to make me feel better.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm sure you feel like most betrayed spouses would. The problem is that you told her that you did not want her anymore.

Given a bit more time you would probably have had sex with the woman you were seeing.

This is the problem with people not waiting until the divorce is at least filed, if not final, before dating.

Your wife seems receptive to talking with you about this. Helpfully she can give you the support you need to get through it.


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## pandorabox (Dec 7, 2012)

I had to know every detail of their sex life said:


> Grow up, you started it - if you tell the woman you don't WANT her anymore there is no better medicine that someone who WANTS you. As they say " Men needs to be loved- women needs to be wanted"
> 
> As to the rest of this quote - I don't think you are sick inside - you are just SICK
> 
> You would ask me questions like this while trying to fix things I would kick your sick A$% to the kerb with no return address


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

pandorabox said:


> Grow up, you started it - if you tell the woman you don't WANT her anymore there is no better medicine that someone who WANTS you. As they say " Men needs to be loved- women needs to be wanted"
> 
> As to the rest of this quote - I don't think you are sick inside - you are just SICK
> 
> You would ask me questions like this while trying to fix things I would kick your sick A$% to the kerb with no return address


Really? 
Maybe its me but if anything getting kicked to the curb its this marriage.

Don't let these mind movies take control of you life. Yes you are in alot of pain so I suggest you find a montra you can repeat to your self. When I was hurting I would say " I diserve good thing". I would say it over and over...every time tose evil though enter my mind I would force them out with telling my self " I diserve good things"

You can't let this crap eat you alive, so fake until you make it, Even though its hard, stay positive and don't let the negitive take over. 

Good luck man, I know the pain all to well.

@pandorabox, thats how its done!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This thread is a couple of weeks old I hope OP come back.


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## pandorabox (Dec 7, 2012)

LOL


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