# Sad so sad



## Spanish (Apr 27, 2015)

My husband left after a discussion. I was not aware that he was leaving .did not take any clothes he's 84. Has not spoken to me in three months. Others have spoken to him but he will not answer my calls. Don't know what to do.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Is this typical behavior for him?
Is it possible he is just blowing off steam?

You need to give him enough space to calm down and miss you.
It's the most counterintuitive thing you can do...but it works.

Post here and get support. Keep it to one thread and listen to those who resonate to your way of thinking...but read EVERY response.
Sometimes the best insight is coated in muck and grim, but shines up nicely after being looked at closely.

Sorry you are here.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

what was the discussion about?

have you been a bully or very in his face your whole marriage?
I know every man has a breaking point. maybe he just got to the I don't give a crap point I'm done and I'm 84 I am going to do whatever I please.

if you can say that you were not a bully/nagging control type of person then I don't know what to advise. maybe seek him out and try to talk to him in person.


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## Spanish (Apr 27, 2015)

*Confused*

Earlier this year my husband and I, he's 84 I'm 70 had a discussion regarding his 51 year old son interfering in every aspect of our marriage. He said he would do whatever for him no matter what. I said "well you might as well live with him". The next day he left. I haven't heard from him in three months. No communication and although my brother has spoken to him it seems like he got the wrong message from that statement. It was not meant for him to leave but, he left with nothing. Two days. Later his son came and collected a few things for him. My brother spoke with him and he Said that I nitpicked. I said what do you mean asking him to groom, he wouldn't take a shower but once a week if that, asking him to help around the house etc. he proceeded two weeks later to go to the bank and take out our bill money leaving me with a small amount, just enough to pay utilities etc. not enough for. Medicines and incidentals. He hasn't changed his address, he has left everything behind. His son has been wanting this all along. He told me when we got married nine years ago, they laughed because they knew it would not last. I was even told on our wedding day to watch his son because he would breakup our marriage. I love him very much but he has done very mean things, unlike his personality. I'm confused and don't know what's coming my way.


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

Is he having memory/senility issues? 
Did he say why he was leaving?
Are you ok on your own? Do you have support?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Confused*



Spanish said:


> I love him very much but he has done very mean things, unlike his personality.


Who is this referring to? Is it your husband who you are saying has done some very mean things? 

Can you give some examples?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Confused*



Spanish said:


> Earlier this year my husband and I, he's 84 I'm 70 had a discussion regarding his 51 year old son interfering in every aspect of our marriage. He said he would do whatever for him no matter what. I said "well you might as well live with him". The next day he left. I haven't heard from him in three months. No communication and although my brother has spoken to him it seems like he got the wrong message from that statement. It was not meant for him to leave but, he left with nothing. Two days. Later his son came and collected a few things for him. My brother spoke with him and he Said that I nitpicked. I said what do you mean asking him to groom, he wouldn't take a shower but once a week if that, asking him to help around the house etc. he proceeded two weeks later to go to the bank and take out our bill money leaving me with a small amount, just enough to pay utilities etc. not enough for. Medicines and incidentals. He hasn't changed his address, he has left everything behind. His son has been wanting this all along. He told me when we got married nine years ago, they laughed because they knew it would not last. I was even told on our wedding day to watch his son because he would breakup our marriage. I love him very much but he has done very mean things, unlike his personality. I'm confused and don't know what's coming my way.


Do you have an income, like Social Security or anything else? Or you are completely dependent on him financially?

You have waited for 3 months. I doubt he's coming back .. well unless his son starts driving him nuts.

Have you spoken to an attorney about your rights in a divorce?

Is your husband in good health? What is the chance that his son is now making decisions for him?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

*Re: Confused*

Mum got remarried at 70(72?). It didn't work out. She was married too long to my dad. 43 years is a long time, or until he died. I think it was about ten years total she was married to the second husband.

Both of them were stuck in their ways. Her second husband, who was a widower, was a few years younger and was the opposite of my dad, in my opinion. 

His children weren't nasty to her, but were patronizing and dismissive. They seemed to only have the respect of a stranger for her. 

I know I tried to respect him, but it was tough to feel a whole lot and it seemed odd somehow. Probably because both of them were married to their deceased spouses so long. 

Age of children doesn't really change their feelings. Maturity keeps them civil and respectful. It also usually helps them keep their opinions to themselves, too.

Take care of yourself first, like Ele posted. Then worry about the rest once you are safe and sound.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

*Re: Confused*



Spanish said:


> My brother spoke with him and he Said that I nitpicked. I said what do you mean asking him to groom, he wouldn't take a shower but once a week if that, asking him to help around the house etc. he proceeded two weeks later to go to the bank and take out our bill money leaving me with a small amount, just enough to pay utilities etc. not enough for. .


At age 84, personality change could very well be secondary to alzheimer's/dementia. Neglect of hygiene is a very typical symptom.

Are you healthy? If it was me, I might just cut the loss and move on. You being 70 and him being 84, you will just be nursing him and nursing a stubborn disrespectful patient is no fun! His loss IMO. He shot himself in the foot when he left. Sonny can have all the fun nursing him.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

*Re: Confused*



Blonde said:


> *At age 84, personality change could very well be secondary to alzheimer's/dementia. Neglect of hygiene is a very typical symptom.*
> 
> Are you healthy? If it was me, I might just cut the loss and move on. You being 70 and him being 84, you will just be nursing him and nursing a stubborn disrespectful patient is no fun! His loss IMO. He shot himself in the foot when he left. Sonny can have all the fun nursing him.


He may well have been forced to go so he could be taken care of by his kids. I don't think that's a slur against you. I'm betting it feels like it. Sorry you are going through all of this. 

It might be best to visit and talk with his family.


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