# I made a mistake



## Caireen (Mar 23, 2017)

My husband and I have been married for 6 months, and we dated for 6 years before we got married. We have always been 100% faithful and honest with each other and he is my best friend.

I want to give a little background but please know that I am not making excuses for anything I've done. For the past 3-4 years I have had a huge dependency on alcohol for dealing with my mental and emotional problems. I was sexually abused as a child, went to trial and put my abuser behind bars. As a result I made some pretty awful decisions up until early adulthood (hanging with the wrong crowd, fighting with my family, lying to people I love, using drugs, etc). When I met my (now) husband I turned my life completely around...and then alcohol addiction crept back in.

My friends, family, and my husband all knew I drank a lot but kind of just acted like "that's how she is, she's a lush." My husband drinks often but he drinks socially, and he knows his limit. He doesn't use it as a crutch like I do. No one has ever openly accused me of having a problem because I hide my addiction very well. For the past year or so I've come home from work to my husband playing video games and I would get right to drinking and cleaning the house. This has become our habit. I've confronted him in the past about how his gaming makes me feel isolated and alone, how our sex life has suffered as a result of his gaming, and how I feel like I'm overwhelmed with all the things that I have to get done and I have no time for my own hobbies. He's either responded by telling me I'm overreacting, or admitting that I'm right and then returning to hardcore gaming days later. Again, I'm sure my drinking played a huge role in my own problems but no one ever said anything.

Fast forward to last month. I went out of town for my best friend's bachelorette party. My husband and I were having disagreements throughout the weekend. One night I got extremely drunk and a group of people asked if I wanted to go to a house party. I wanted to keep drinking and partying so I said yes. I went back to these strangers' house and ended up making out with a random guy for a few minutes. Why? Because I was flattered. It felt good for someone to notice me, to want me. But then I immediately felt terrible, called for a cab, and went back to the hotel.

At first I wasn't going to tell my husband when I got home. I asked myself why I would make him feel terrible just to ease my own guilt over one big mistake. But after a couple of days I couldn't stand keeping a secret from him (again, we've always been 100% honest with each other - aside from my secret drinking habits). I couldn't eat or sleep knowing that I betrayed his trust. 

I confessed what had happened, at first keeping out details until he dragged it all out of me. Of course, he didn't believe it stopped at kissing (which it did, I have no reason to lie here). He believes I probably slept with the guy. I told him I'd do anything to prove I'm being honest - take a lie detector test, whatever it takes. I also promised to quit drinking. I've been sober for 32 days now. I've never been sober for more than a day or 2 since I turned twenty one. Turns out everyone knew I had a problem and didn't know how to confront me.

I love my husband so much. We've both admitted to dealing with our mental and emotional issues by using distractions - me with my drinking and him with his gaming. The only problem is, while I've stopped drinking and I'm trying to rebuild trust, he's still gaming with any free time he has. It's like I barely exist. I don't know if he's just trying to avoid me and avoid the painful rebuilding of our relationship, or if he just doesn't care anymore. I don't know how to talk to him about how this makes me feel without having my mistake thrown in my face. I feel like it'd be hypocritical or insensitive for me to point out that I need more from him when I've betrayed him. 

I don't want our marriage to get worse, I want to make it better. I want him to see me the way that he used to. I just don't know what I can do to move us forward, or if I need to be patient right now and let him call the shots. Please help.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Give it some time....he's pissed. Don't be pushy or needy of him but continue your normal day to day activities, minus the drinking of course. Don't talk about what happened but try to start small conversations about little day to day things, and things going on in your life. If he doesn't want to seem to talk, don't push it, walk away and try again the next day. Let him see that you have changed or are trying to make a positive change without throwing it in his face. He may not see it right away, but he will see it. And the more he sees it, the more likely it will be that he'll want to start to take down the wall he's built between the two of you.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Caireen said:


> My husband and I have been married for 6 months, and we dated for 6 years before we got married. We have always been 100% faithful and honest with each other and he is my best friend.
> 
> ......For the past 3-4 years I have had a huge dependency on alcohol for dealing with my mental and emotional problems. I was sexually abused as a child, went to trial and put my abuser behind bars. As a result I made some pretty awful decisions up until early adulthood (hanging with the wrong crowd, fighting with my family, lying to people I love, using drugs, etc). When I met my (now) husband I turned my life completely around...and then alcohol addiction crept back in.
> 
> ...


Some serious issues.

First, you have an addiction problem and 32 days sober is a very very good start. Well Done!

If you read the above closely, I see you trying to blame your addiction problem on others, your husband and the trauma caused by the man that abused you.

I also see you as wanting to make your husband change. You can't make him change, only he can make himself change in regards to his gaming. 

In a really strong marriage, your husband, if he knew you had an addiction problem would not allow alcohol in the house and would not drink in front of you or at all. That way he would be supportive of your managing your addiction. You need to talk to him about this, hopefully with a marriage counselor so that your temptation to fall off the wagon is reduced.

Likewise, you can't require your husband to keep you from drinking. He can't change you, only you can change yourself and manage your addiction.

You did something that destroyed the trust your husband had in you, even if you say it only involved making out. Even making out is not being a faithful wife. Now it is up to the both of your to reconcile and rebuild your relationship and trust.

If I were in your shoes, I would tell your husband that you have stopped drinking, you are truly appalled at your addiction, how you hid it from him, and what you did at that "bachelorette party." I would also tell him that you need his help in staying off of alcohol and in rebuilding his trust in you and your marriage. As such you would like the two of you to go to marriage counseling or see a sex therapist so that you can get yourself together to be the kind of wife he deserves and you want to be. I sort of think that a marriage counselor would be the better choice, except for your child abuse issues, that could be a very significant cause of your addiction issues. As such probably a sex therapist (a marriage counselor with extra training) who has some addiction training experience is your best choice for professional help.

Good luck


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Congrats on being sober! Keep it up. 

There's another thread that was started about a couple that's dealing with a huge gaming addiction on the husbands part. There are kids involved in that one. Maybe reading that thread can help you get a little perspective on your situation as well. Your infidelity definitely throws a monkey wrench in it though. 

Now that you're dealing with your addiction head on, you'll have to ask your husband to recognize his & deal with his addiction. It'll start with a heart to heart about how this has been affecting you for a long time. Maybe you can two can come up with a compromise?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I'm thinking that your H will just use your indiscretion at the party as a reason not to talk to you and to just keep gaming. Now he figures you have no reason to be mad at him for gaming. It's sad but I don't think he'll give you any props for staying sober. He should be in your corner helping you instead of being off in his own little world.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Caireen said:


> Please help.


Not sure if I can help, but an important thing to realize is that it is not about right or wrong, but instead coming to terms and learning to accept and love one another despite the fact that neither of you are perfect. No one is perfect for that matter. It sounds as if you two have even addressed that verbally, but not in practice. 

So in order for you to love and accept your husband and help him feel that way, you will first have to make sure that you love and accept yourself just as you are. Perhaps his imperfections are helping highlight this for you at the moment as he ignores you to play video games. You feel uncomfortable perhaps because you are not happy with yourself. Perhaps he feels uncomfortable because he can't help you with that part.

Once again, no one is perfect. It is easy to love someone that is easy to love like a cute baby kitten:










It is not so easy to love someone like a messy cat that enjoys tearing things up:










Eventually such a cat may feel as though the world has given up










and this cat may wonder who loves him










and he may go to stare out a window and find a familiar reflection staring back at him










and he will make a silly face and cheer himself up only to notice how handsome he is when he smiles. And then you can go hug your lovable idiot husband because you too will realize he is an idiot, but at least he is handsome one when he smiles!










And so are you!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Caireen said:


> My husband and I have been married for 6 months, and we dated for 6 years before we got married. We have always been 100% faithful and honest with each other and he is my best friend.
> 
> I want to give a little background but please know that I am not making excuses for anything I've done. For the past 3-4 years I have had a huge dependency on alcohol for dealing with my mental and emotional problems. I was sexually abused as a child, went to trial and put my abuser behind bars. As a result I made some pretty awful decisions up until early adulthood (hanging with the wrong crowd, fighting with my family, lying to people I love, using drugs, etc). When I met my (now) husband I turned my life completely around...and then alcohol addiction crept back in.
> 
> ...


Yikes. 

What was your Husband using the gaming to distract himself from, and why? (previously to the situation you've created)

I want to point out that you've given your H a reason to withdraw further into his games, so expecting that to change is probably a pipe dream at the moment. He was already using video games as a coping mechanism for some sort of problem. And now he's got the very serious problem of a cheating wife to avoid. Expect that to get worse before it gets better. 

You're going to have to work hard to win back his trust if the marriage is going to survive. And FYI, there's no way he's going to buy that you didn't sleep with the guy. No one is. You went to his house drunk and in secret, made out, and left? No self-respecting husband would ever believe that more didn't happen, regardless of what the truth is. Even if you can repair your relationship, you're likely to have him forever believing you probably did have sex with some other man. And that's going to be a pretty hard thing for a guy to get over.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kivlor said:


> Yikes.
> 
> What was your Husband using the gaming to distract himself from, and why? (previously to the situation you've created)
> 
> ...


The OP did not say that she went to the guy's house. She went to a party at someone's house and made out with some guy who was a guest at that party. Nowhere did she say that it was in secret. 

I was waiting for this post, the first one that calls the OP a liar and says that they do not believe that she did not have sex with the guy.

It was a party, there might not have even been a place at that house to have sex.

What the OP says happened is completely possible.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

if you found out that he "kissed" or made out with another woman, how would your feel?

For your husband, he thinks that you had sex with the other guy. 
Schedule a polygraph test for him, that you will take.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Caireen said:


> My husband and I have been married for 6 months, and we dated for 6 years before we got married. We have always been 100% faithful and honest with each other and he is my best friend.
> 
> I want to give a little background but please know that I am not making excuses for anything I've done. For the past 3-4 years I have had a huge dependency on alcohol for dealing with my mental and emotional problems. I was sexually abused as a child, went to trial and put my abuser behind bars. As a result I made some pretty awful decisions up until early adulthood (hanging with the wrong crowd, fighting with my family, lying to people I love, using drugs, etc). When I met my (now) husband I turned my life completely around...and then alcohol addiction crept back in.
> 
> ...


Sadly your husband is probably not going to change his mind. I note that he did not take you up on the polygraph. Did he say why?

It might be that to him, making out is one line too far to cross.

Or he might just need time to process this.

You cannot change your husband. He does not believe you. Does he often not believe the things you tell him?
He's put up a wall. Just let him know that when he is ready to look over that wall and talk to you, you will be there... if he does not take too long. You have to decide how long you will put up with him doing this.

At this point, you need to focus on yourself. Take care of yourself. You are trying to stop an addition. You will most likely hit bumps in the road so do what you need to do keep yourself on the road to recovery.

At some point, if your husband does not come back around and start dealing with this, you might decide that your only choice is divorce.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> The OP did not say that she went to the guy's house. She went to a party at someone's house and made out with some guy who was a guest at that party. Nowhere did she say that it was in secret.
> 
> I was waiting for this post, the first one that calls the OP a liar and says that they do not believe that she did not have sex with the guy.
> 
> ...


It certainly was in secret from her husband. That it was at the house party or at the guys house is pretty inconsequential to what I said. It doesn't change any of the problems I pointed out. 

Thanks for the correction though.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

You were right to be honest with him, OP. It is sad that he did not respond with empathy and compassion, though, and just continued with his intensive gaming.

I know you say you love him. But working on yourself, and letting the chips fall with the marriage, may be the healthiest thing you can do, for both of you.

Are you in counseling?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kivlor said:


> It certainly was in secret from her husband. That it was at the house party or at the guys house is pretty inconsequential to what I said. It doesn't change any of the problems I pointed out.
> 
> Thanks for the correction though.


I disagree that whether it’s a party or at the guy’s house is inconsequential. That is my point.

Going with some guy to his house, and there was just the two of them, is very different from meeting a guy at a party (meaning there were a lot of people around).

These are very different scenarios.

But I think discussing this further is a bit of a thread jack. The OP can clarify further if she chooses.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> I disagree that whether it’s a party or at the guy’s house is inconsequential. That is my point.
> 
> Going with some guy to his house, and there was just the two of them, is very different from meeting a guy at a party (meaning there were a lot of people around).
> 
> ...


I just want to clarify that I think it's certainly important to OP's story, whether she went to another guy's house after the party, or made out with a guy at the party, which I misread in her post. What I meant is that it doesn't change my advice, or my questions. 

I want to apologize to OP for my mistake, because it could cause others to read wrong into her thread, and give bad advice.

OP is in a very bad situation. Particularly with her having an alcohol addiction. 

But you're right, we're kind of thread-jacking. I'll drop it too.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Congratulations for being sober for 32 days and coming clean about your dalliance!

You sound like a strong woman that has overcome a lot in her life.

Unfortunately your husband may not be mature enough to be emotionally engaged with you on a level that you need.

Has he always gamed this much?

He is filling a void that should be filled by interaction with you and other, more productive pursuits.

Gaming in moderation isn't a hassle but he is losing you, whether you realize it or not, by being a gaming addict.

Please respond to our posts?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Congratulations on the 32. And here's to the next 32 days and the next and so on.

Hopefully you and your husband will be able to get back on track.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I disagree that whether it’s a party or at the guy’s house is inconsequential. That is my point.
> 
> Going with some guy to his house, and there was just the two of them, is very different from meeting a guy at a party (meaning there were a lot of people around).
> 
> ...


Totally no fair to argue a point, then claim threadjack if he makes a response.
Either way,
The OP confessed. That's a big factor in my believing or not believing her. Do I wonder if there was sex? Yes. Do I believe her? I want to. 

Something I see important. His gaming is addiction. My TAM comments are an addiction to me.
One I'll probably get help with pretty quick, lol.

I really think OP needs to discuss the gaming with her husband and try to realize that he doesn't want to stop gaming and likely won't. But they might find a way to get the sex going where he will want that more than the games. 
I'm definitely seeing a pattern on here about those games. They are highly addictive!
Seems like the pattern is either porn, or games.
Either seem to be causing marital problems.

My suggestion is to get your husband to figure out he has a gaming addiction and it's affecting his marriage.
Apparently not even a cheating wife can get his attn off the games. He's hard core!


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> Totally no fair to argue a point, then claim threadjack if he makes a response.
> Either way,
> The OP confessed. That's a big factor in my believing or not believing her. Do I wonder if there was sex? Yes. Do I believe her? I want to.
> 
> ...


Yes gaming can be a problem in any relationship, but at the same time this could be his way of avoiding and closing himself off from the problem. I know when I first started having problems in my marriage, at the beginning I tried to talk to my wife about it and start conversations, but she never wanted to talk about it. The more it seemed she was trying to avoid the issue, the more I withdrew myself and put myself into something else. Whether it was a video game, a movie I knew she would never want to watch, or going out to do something that I knew she wouldn't want to go do. And after a while I noticed her starting to do the same. Looking back at that now, it was the stupidest thing either of us could've done, but it was a crutch.


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## Caireen (Mar 23, 2017)

I apologize for just now seeing all these replies. To clarify - I did not go to some guy's house and spend time with him alone. I went to a house party with the intention of just hanging out, I did not go into a bedroom or sneak off somewhere to be alone with this stranger. I did not go out that night thinking "I want to hook up with someone." You can believe whatever you want but I can rest in the fact that I know the truth. Thank you for clarifying that, EleGirl and thank you Kivlor for apologizing. I was nearly blackout drunk and began feeling very guilty and unsafe once I had crossed the line of kissing another man. THAT is why I called a cab and left. Because I am not the type of person who is comfortable doing things like this. And yet here I am.

I am NOT, nor will I ever use alcohol an excuse for my actions. I clearly have some issues to work on and it was incredibly disrespectful to my husband. It's the worst thing I have ever done in my life and I hate myself for it. 

On why I did not get a polygraph - my husband and I are currently paying off debts and it's quite expensive to get one. I offered to sell my musical instruments and he accused me of trying to make him feel guilty (again, not my intention). So bottom line is he thinks a polygraph is too expensive. It's $300 in our area.

As far as his gaming habits, yes he's always been very big into gaming (started before we met). He's admitted several times that he uses gaming to cope with the fact that he hates his job and he doesn't know what to do with his life career-wise. 

We do plan to go to counseling although finances will also determine how soon that will happen.

I also want to clarify that I am NOT in any way looking for pity. I am simply asking for advice on how I (knowing I can't change my husband, I can only change myself) can start to rebuild trust and what appropriate actions I can do to help my marriage heal.


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## Caireen (Mar 23, 2017)

I do want to add one more thing. This is an anonymous forum. I have nothing to gain from lying about what happened and everything to gain from being honest with myself and others. I kissed a guy for a few minutes out of sheer stupidity and selfishness. And then I left. 

But in the end I f*cked up, whether you believe my story or not. I made the mistake and I want to do whatever I can to be the wife my husband deserves.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Caireen said:


> ....I am NOT, nor will I ever use alcohol an excuse for my actions. I clearly have some issues to work on and it was incredibly disrespectful to my husband. It's the worst thing I have ever done in my life and I hate myself for it.
> 
> .....So bottom line is he thinks a polygraph is too expensive. It's $300 in our area.
> 
> ...


You seem to have the big picture in mind. 

I would urge you AND YOUR HUSBAND to join some kind of formal addiction/recovery program. AA and their various support groups for spouses comes to mind, but you might prefer something else. 

As to $300 being too much, the cost of a divorce is a lot higher. Many therapists will have a sliding scale on their charges, based on how much money you make. Also many churches provide or can point you to church based marriage counseling.

Work on yourself first. Once you are clean, sober, and put back together, you can work on your marriage.

Good luck.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Caireen said:


> I apologize for just now seeing all these replies. To clarify - I did not go to some guy's house and spend time with him alone. I went to a house party with the intention of just hanging out, I did not go into a bedroom or sneak off somewhere to be alone with this stranger. I did not go out that night thinking "I want to hook up with someone." You can believe whatever you want but I can rest in the fact that I know the truth. Thank you for clarifying that, EleGirl and thank you Kivlor for apologizing. I was nearly blackout drunk and began feeling very guilty and unsafe once I had crossed the line of kissing another man. THAT is why I called a cab and left. Because I am not the type of person who is comfortable doing things like this. And yet here I am.
> 
> I am NOT, nor will I ever use alcohol an excuse for my actions. I clearly have some issues to work on and it was incredibly disrespectful to my husband. It's the worst thing I have ever done in my life and I hate myself for it.
> 
> ...


A few thoughts on this...

1. The concern is that most men in your H's shoes won't view what happened as a mistake, they'll look at it as if there was intent. If your H feels this way it poses issues for fixing your relationship and it would be important to be aware of that. 
2. I'd lay off of the polygraph. Your H doesn't seem interested, and scratching at this is only irritating him further apparently. You can come back to it later if that is an option. 
3. How long has he had his job? How long has he hated it? Is there a reason he hates his work? 
4. You can't change your H, but you can do things to encourage that he try to help heal your marriage, and himself. That is probably going to be necessary. He is retreating. A lot of people, once they hole up, will build walls around themselves, and this will make fixing your M a lot harder, as you'll have to convince him to open the gates.

Can you answer some questions about your H: What is his relationship with his parents like? How does he treat them? How do they treat him?


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Kivlor said:


> A few thoughts on this...
> 
> 1. The concern is that most men in your H's shoes won't view what happened as a mistake, they'll look at it as if there was intent. If your H feels this way it poses issues for fixing your relationship and it would be important to be aware of that.


This is a common feeling.

The down side of trying to convince him otherwise, may be a pendulum to the other side, i.e. you had no intent but you are easy, (and I don't think that is true), but its an AWALT mindset, a few breadcrumbs and you will follow the right guy into bed. The right words, the right touches and you can't say no.

Either way his trust in you, and his respect for you takes a hit.

Personally I think continuing down the path of self discovery, healing and growing is the best way to deal with this.

If you are doing it for you, and he can see that independent determination, your words will come to carry more weight when you gently, and kindly speak the truth. It will take some time, and it may make him feel insecure, but you stand to rebuilt some trust and respect that way.

This will also help you resist and call out (gently) any of the manipulation mentioned above, which would prove to be very toxic for you.

But for your own sake you can't keep making destructive choices. So congratulations on your current success. I m glad for you.

I can see the sincerity in what you wrote, and I really wish you well.

Take care.


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## emmasmith (Aug 11, 2016)

Take care of yourself and you are trying to stop an addition.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

@Caireen 

You seriously equating being an alcoholic and cheating on him to playing video games?

Maybe you should stop making excuses and take some accountability. Your post is riddled with them.

If you don't like the gaming, then you should of issued an ultimatum or left him but you didn't.

The fact that you instead choose to get wasted and make out with a dude is 100% ON YOU.


Was he a gamer when you met him and started dating? I already know the answer is yes.

Most gamers get into videogames in their childhoods, so you KNEW this is who he was.

So now you want him to change and stop. Do you really think you're being fair? I don't.

You can't change people, you can only change yourself and decide what YOU will tolerate.


Look, if all you honestly did was get drunk and make out with a dude and not to minimize that.

But I still think the relationship is salvageable. But you BOTH have to do a lot of heavy lifting.

You need to take 100% ownership and stop blame shifting the gaming. It has nothing to do with it.

He does need to stop the gaming but he has to WANT to stop. He needs to hit rock bottom for that.

If rock bottom is him losing you than so be it. But it has to be a decision HE makes, not you forcing him.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Caireen said:


> I do want to add one more thing. This is an anonymous forum. I have nothing to gain from lying about what happened and everything to gain from being honest with myself and others. I kissed a guy for a few minutes out of sheer stupidity and selfishness. And then I left.
> 
> But in the end I f*cked up, whether you believe my story or not. I made the *mistake* and I want to do whatever I can to be the wife my husband deserves.


My suggestion would be to stop using this word with your husband. A mistake is like an accident, has no intention, it's something that happens out of your control. What you did is something wrong, deliberately and intentionally. You need to own that in order for him to forgive you. Saying it's a mistake and accident probably only makes him question when the next mistake will come. What he needs to hear is you did wrong, knew it was wrong, and want to make amends for it. That's something tangible to work toward. This will go a long way I think to show him you are telling the truth about what happend.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

harrybrown said:


> if you found out that he "kissed" or made out with another woman, how would your feel?


I know if it were me, I'd be shocked that he actually got off his lazy worthless ass and did anything at *ALL* considering he feels entitled to dump all the domestic chores on the OP's shoulders while he sits on his dead ass playing his childish games hour after hour after hour after hour ....

So, I'd have to be shocked that he actually got off his lazy ass.

That's what I would think.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Caireen said:


> But in the end I f*cked up, whether you believe my story or not. I made the mistake and I want to do whatever I can to be the wife my husband deserves.


Except for your problem with alcohol (which he had no problem with), you already WERE the wife he 'deserves' before this incident. Actually, he deserved a lot less - someone who didn't do a damned thing around the house and sat on her dead ass all night playing with her phone just like HE does every night with his games. And of course, you would have needed to be completely detached from him like he's been with you.

THAT'S the wife he 'deserved' before this.

He needs to actually bring something to the table before you turn yourself into a trained seal jumping all over the place to please him.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I just want to say, I am proud of you for your honesty with your husband, and also that you took the seriousness of this to heart, and made a huge change. Being clean and sober for over a month is a big accomplishment. Being honest about something he would have never known about should at some point draw you closer, maybe after the hurt isn't so fresh. 

I can see that this is a mistake. I rarely drink, but the time I drank too much, something bad could have easily happend, because I was VERY impaired...the next day I was trying hard to piece together what had happened, it was a terrible feeling. I decided that would never happen to me again. Fortunately I was with my husband and he protected me. So yes, I do understand why you describe it as such.

The $300 is worth it for your marriage. Be proactive, sell what you need too, you can always buy it again. If you are in love with your husband and feel your marriage can be a good one, do whatever you need to do to try to save it. Your monthly expenses should be a lot less now that you are not buying alcohol, so you should be able to recoup the $300 quickly. 

I have personally never dealt with addiction or had it in my family, but it sounds like you both have the tendency, you with alcohol and him with games. I can't really give any good advice on this, because I haven't lived it. My cousins marriage was ruined because her husband was a gamer, and it was all he did. It was SO sad, and made no sense to any of us. She spent 10 years trying, to no avail. So I have seen gaming first hand ruin a marriage to a wonderful woman. So hopefully he can grow up, and put gaming in its proper place.

I wish you peace and happiness.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Find a local women's only AA group and start attending three times a week. 

Get the 12 Step book. Work it. 

Get a sponsor and work with her. 

Work the program. If you do the program it will work.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I know if it were me, I'd be shocked that he actually got off his lazy worthless ass and did anything at *ALL* considering he feels entitled to dump all the domestic chores on the OP's shoulders while he sits on his dead ass playing his childish games hour after hour after hour after hour ....
> 
> So, I'd have to be shocked that he actually got off his lazy ass.
> 
> That's what I would think.


Quit mincing words and tell us what you really think.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Totally no fair to argue a point, then claim threadjack if he makes a response.
> Either way,
> The OP confessed. That's a big factor in my believing or not believing her. Do I wonder if there was sex? Yes. Do I believe her? I want to.
> 
> ...


This is a good post.

A lot of truth here. 

Addictions are measureless and diverse. To each, his own bag of chains and nooses.

When young, mine was being in "Perpetual Motion". Running, biking, swimming. Bedroom activities.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Alcohol is not a monkey on your back.

It is a leach. At first. It sips just a bit of your blood. 

Then it burrows into your skin.....swims upstream to your brain and takes the rudder.

It steers your "ship of state" onto the rocks.....it holes your bow, and your future....to the bottom you go.

All is lost.

I come from a family of alcoholics....both sides of the family.

I was the only one that made it out alive. Ran, swam and biked away from madness!


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