# HELP>>>> thoughts



## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

ok married.... kids.... but still horny...

here it goes... hubby and me were 1 to 2 times a day either i would give bj till he came or we would just a quicky here and there and that happens...

but ... my mind knows health and life and kids and life just don't allow that anymore... 

but i started loosing weight working out and kids getting older and just the right time... and BAM a wall... he gained some weight has high blood pressure and the meds well he got the drive and the want but... well soft... pills yes we use them and some times they work and some times they don't (mostly they don't) and i am getting penned up.

i never was a self player and i have tried differnet kinds of toys i just like the real thing... 

i am starting to dream... and i feel like i am cheating...

we talked he knows and feels bad he can't get it up.. it still feels good for him and he still finishs (if i work at it) but nata for me and really working so hard to help him finish, i know he can share other ways and he will and tries but it really takes me to the top if i can feel the big.... explosion after all said and done and that aint happening and i am just having a hard time well finishing... i really thought about it i went from at least 2-3 times a week to nothing since december 2009...??

any advice?


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

In healthcare circles, what your husband is experiencing is this:

"I hear the music playing, but I just can't dance."

Okay, I am going to speak to you as if you were a patient and also a person with a formerly sexless life. (well, I am between gf's so I am sexless now but that's by choice - didnt' want the relationship responsibility with sex right now)

A. Sex is a vital part of your adult health. Here is a link from Dr. Oz on what he advises:

http://static.oprah.com/download/pdfs/health/oz/oz_antiaging_checklist.pdf

I know Dr. Oz is kind of "pop medicine" but actually I do think a lot of his advice is pretty responsible, both on the mainstream and alternative front.

B. Related to that, I think you and your husband should start bonding on "health" and putting finances, children, family, faith, etc. on the backburner and placing your health as O#1 by following the above.

Dr. Oz recommends monogamous sex 2-3x/week and for that sex to happen he needs hard erections or to get good with his tongue because every male has a problem with rigidity sometimes.

Any way you slice it - it sounds like he has bad health and the penis is a "dipstick" (pun intended) of male health and only physically reflecting what's going on in his vascular system.

And yes, viagra/levitra can be used as a crutch but this is the problem with our medical system - they keep giving out crutches without ever getting the patient to walk. He needs to get healthy!!!

C. Once you start getting healthy and emotionally bonding, I think the sex will more naturally flow between you two.

D. I would only add fasting as part of a health routine to Dr. Oz's tips, if your husband isn't diabetic or som other major metabolic health issue, along with the meds he is taking could be affected from a once/week fast. It actually may not be possible.

The point is. . .you should start bonding emotionally and socially on health and hopefully within a year you are doing it like rabbits.

This won't be an instant fix but rather restructuring the foundation of your relationship.

This is a stab in the dark and somewhat presumptuous from the limited information you provide but it sounds like from a healht perspective, your husband has checked out.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

i to like Dr Oz and yes he has good words and yes it is a hit and run but that is cool.

at this point you hit his issues right on the head he is over weight and high blood pressure and drinks way to much but only on the weekends his defense.

but i was more asking for advice for me... after a few years of fighting him to improve in health and bed i can only blow a soft di*k for so long till i figure he needs to want to change!

i was more asking what i could do....? i enjoy cu*mming and miss it lots...;( i like more than getting it for 2secs from behind and i can't move or he will loose his go go...

i tried toys i like the finish to help me finish... i tried water warm along with toys, and he just not into oral for me so that not there he plays for a bit but then gets well he falls asleep it don't get him he says... 

i love the man but i need to release


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

If he isnt willing to do the pleasing with body parts that do work on him... ie fingers, toes, and lips/tongue then you ARE indeed in a bind... much like myself. You can only take matters into your "own hands" so much before the need for someone else doing it to you sets in.

I too, weighed every conceivable option bc husband is unwilling (yet very able)... I have concluded there are none other than waiting and trying to control the urges and then getting resentful and therefore turning off hubby with said resentment. Im just saying


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Drinking is NOT going to help his bedroom performance. I don't even touch the stuff anymore if I think sex is in the cards. Women - fine - go ahead and have a couple of drinks - guys. . .no.

He needs a doctor to hit him below the belt, not a "nice guy doctor."

I would say to him,

"Joe (I don't know his name), you have high blood pressure, you are overweight by XX pounds, you are on the path to developing diabetes. YOur liver enzymes are off from the drinking.

I bet you can't even get it up in teh bedroom, can you? I bet your pecker is as limp as wet noodle.

You want your wife to go find a hard d*ck elsewhere, Joe? Then keep going the way you are going."

With men, you have to hit them below the belt I have found.

Men. . .they'll live with hypertension, diabetes, high cholesterol uncontrolled but the pecker isn't able to get big? Well, you got them then. Yeah, sure, he'll get pissed at the doctor saying that if hitting them below the belt doesn't get them in gear, nothing will.

Now, that being said, there's the problem of you and your immediate needs and this is reall complex. I don't want to extrapolate too much but if he's not into oral. . .well, he may not be very sexual because to me, that's the most intimate act there is. That is, even if I was limp, I would want to be doing that. And you are giving (blowing a soft d*ck) and not getting.

That's simply not fair.

You may be dealing with a person who is "de-sexualizing" as he gets older.

I am not sure.

All in all, he's got to want to change things.

With health should come sexuality. The two are joined at the hip.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

i would love for him to have a mean dr... his well i don't pick on people but he is a classic parents sent him to college type he wears his paints up past his belly near the tit area... and then got that nurd glasses look and well even talks high, when he told me he talked to him about sex i went REALLY he may not even be getting it himself... he says "lets try this" all the time with my hubby and i think that alone is well sucks....

as for me i do have to go with my hubby on the i have been hot lately more than before before it was sex for kids sex for making him happy (i had a bad childhood and carried that thru) any way after the kids got to be a age they are taking more care of them i started reading and looking and well life is to short and crabed on to that and ran...

then wall.... so i know what marriage is and it is more than sex so i keep stuff down, i just get mad that he will not go out of the box he always i mean always said he wanted to before (when i was not really into) and now that i want to??? well 

he is in to oral well he says he is... but he is lazy about it and short so i got use to not getting into because when i do he stops?? i don't get him he gets me hot and horny and text me sexy stuff during the day then i get home i get a peck on the lips and he goes plays games on the computer till tv bed time??? grrr


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

i heard of de-sexualizing and man that is a terriable word... you know toolate i know what you mean to about thinking of another.. and know why people cheat when i was younger i use to think that was evil and the lowest but as i get older and see there are soooo many different levels of life i can see how people justify it...
truely if i could love my family love my husband and get sex some where else and keep all seperated well i dreams about it... but then reality sets and i know he would not go for that (but if it was the other way around the sad part is i think he would of jumped in long time ago with another...) mmmm


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Well, "de-sexualizing" is just a word I made up. . .I see it in a lot of men (and women) my age and it's probably part hormonal, part lifestyle choice.

Once men lose the weight, quit smoking, control the cholesterol, the sexuality comes back. With women, it's all emotional and stuff. 

This has actually gotten to be such a problem in marriages, that the Catholic Church has stepped up to the plate and said married people aren't having sex enough. And we know how uptight the Church is about sex - for them to say Americans aren't having enough marital sex. . .well, it must be a problem.

Yeah, his doctor has got to stop with the "let's try this." Screw that. 

He's got to lose weight and quit drinking. The hypertension, whether that's related to his weight or not, that will affect erections. There are men with perfectly other good heath metrics who have hypertension and then have erection problems. In that case, his doctor would have to "let's try this" - because the lifestyle wouldn't be the problem.

That does happen.

Now, you're obviously a mom of 6 girls. . .that makes him a father of 6 girls. We have jumped on him here. . . so let's back off and say that can't be easy. I have 3 boys and I can't imagine having to provide education, shelter and healthcare for 6 children. 

What's your position on birth control? Is the uterus still in commission? I have to admit, as much as I am a horny toad, with 6 children and a risk of another, I may just be content to keep my pecker outta commission, if it was. . .this is how this whole thing gets complex.

Changing your focus from childrearing to health is going to be very hard but I think it's possible.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

PS: Yes, I understand your conundrum.

He wanted more sex before and you didn't want more sex. Now you want it more and he doesn't and you are getting a taste of your own medicine. From all the perpetual horny husbands out there, many are now saying, "Good on ya." Sorry to say, but it's true.

I can remember a woman, who was 50 years old saying,

"The only worse thing that walking down the street and having men all howl and whistle at you is walking down the street and having no men howl and whistle at you."

I don't know what to tell you - it wasn't right when you did it to him and it's not right now that the shoe is on the other foot. You should have both been sensitive to each others needs.

Sucks to hear this but I think I am right. I think a "mea culpa" to him from you may actually help too.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

we had planned the 6 well we planned 5 but last ones were twins we both have small families and we were young it was 5 or i turned 30 and i had the twins and a few months later turned 30 so both time frames matched i took care of that... no more kiddies for me. even though he would love a boy (he brings that up more times than not) my oldest is having a baby and it to is a girl...
and yes i get the ha ha... i am getting a taste of my own med... i never turned him down (ever) for sex or bj or what ever i was a good catholic girl and i also enjoyed it myself... no matter time or day or what was going on it was more i was not into the risk or getting caught like doing it in the car or public (kinda) or mixing it up with a 3 things like that. now mmmmm i would think about it but that part is not going to happen with the issues we have getting it there to start.. so yes most guys would say i am getting my taste but really iiiiiii like it always have and never had a complaint just a plain girl and liked it in bed room or when no one home or well safe...

i meant did i hear that right... glade you made that word up..  

but not chance of kids here... and he wants it or seems like he does tells me he is hard lots during the day???? call me i will meet you some where really.... but he also admits it is a passing thought use to think he was cheating on me... really but i even took us to a swing club a few times and well even with a new girl (and yes i watched and didn't watch to be sure) and not so good infact worse for his ego.. but it was worth a try.

i get mad at myself to... i mean part of me says when i didn't feel like it a few days after the baby came having intimate times i took the time to bj him... i always thought about his needs and even though i could of slept i made sure after a long day of work we was taken care of... and yes i understand he is tired and it don't work but no care giving or seems on my end to make sure i am taken care of at the end of a day.. start of day hell some time in between


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Well, as far as wanting a boy, here's what I would tell him.

You have 6 girls.

Wanna know what your chances that the next one would be a boy?

50/50.

People lose all the time at Vegas thinking the next one has got to come up red.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Besides, as the father of 3 boys, I can confidently say that girls have got to be no trouble at all.

They are just sweet, wear dresses, play with dolls, and take care of you in your old age.

Boys are knuckleheads


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## bumpgrind1 (Mar 29, 2010)

I'm the father of three "beings" that I'm more often than not ashamed to take into public. 2 girls 1 boy. I once had to tie the girls ponytails together in the Wal-mart store just to get them out of there. True story! And the boy crawls on the floor or hangs from the shelves. I tell em' I'm gonna' make helmets outta' plastic bags so they can play space man. Sweet my achin' ass! I love em' but one day, I swear... to da moon Alice!


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## HopeinHouston (Mar 1, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> Besides, as the father of 3 boys, I can confidently say that girls have got to be no trouble at all.
> 
> They are just sweet, wear dresses, play with dolls, and take care of you in your old age.
> 
> Boys are knuckleheads


2 boys and 1 girl here ... and boys are INFINATELY easier than girls. Women are the devil  Seriously, girls are MUCH more difficult than boys.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

hey i have to say having all girls... no way the sex of the child is not the issue..... i have some devil and some saints and then they turn on me and flip so>>>> one thing i know if i guy messes with a girl you get to say way to go.... son. but other way around you have to say HELLLLno not my girl.... 
all the girls would wear pony tails on shopping days there great to grab onto if the need is there and believe me got one right before she ran in the street and it saved her life....
as for the difficult level getting harder as they grow into teens but i have friends with boys and well having same issues.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

Originally Posted by Scannerguard 
Besides, as the father of 3 boys, I can confidently say that girls have got to be no trouble at all.

They are just sweet, wear dresses, play with dolls, and take care of you in your old age.

Boys are knuckleheads 

had to say on this one... i have twins and one she plays with dolls and does her nails and all that but the sister she like cars and to run over the dolls and bang the trucks together... ???


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