# Talk about Money?



## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

What do you do if your spouse refuses to talk about money with you?

Let's say, that only one of them is working. And the one that isn't, refuses to talk about money. Refuses, as in, screams and yells and walks out of the room when it's brought up to have a discussion about finances?

Should the working one just plow ahead with the budget and money side since the other apparently can't have a mature conversation about it?


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I'd find a new spouse.

Is the sex at least good? Or is this a FUBAR relationship, only there for the kids and to save face?

EDIT: Just read some of your threads... your wife is crazy. Has she called the cops again on you? Keep the money separate and start stashing cash. You're going to either divorce or kill her in the next couple of years anyways. I hope you choose divorce. I've been in your shoes.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Seriously yells and screams and walks out of the room? Is this person 5?

What ways is it being brought up? Just when there is a money problem or a general lets sit and make a budget conversation?

Yes, stick to a budget and deal with the money on their own until (hopefully) the other spouse matures a bit and gets on board.


----------



## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

GuyInColorado said:


> I'd find a new spouse.
> 
> Is the sex at least good? Or is this a FUBAR relationship, only there for the kids and to save face?
> 
> EDIT: Just read some of your threads... your wife is crazy. Has she called the cops again on you? Keep the money separate and start stashing cash. You're going to either divorce or kill her in the next couple of years anyways. I hope you choose divorce. I've been in your shoes.


Ha. Always crack up at your posts... thank you!


----------



## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Seriously yells and screams and walks out of the room? Is this person 5?
> 
> What ways is it being brought up? Just when there is a money problem or a general lets sit and make a budget conversation?
> 
> Yes, stick to a budget and deal with the money on their own until (hopefully) the other spouse matures a bit and gets on board.


Sometimes I believe she is stuck at about 12 years old.

Last time it was brought up when we were in bed, talking. She said she wanted to buy such and such and I said we don't really have the cash for that this month. Then proceeds to tell me that I never provide anything for her, etc etc. then walk out slamming doors. She slept in the other room that night. Lol. 

She has some minor issues (Don't we all?) but anytime I try to talk about the budget, spending, saving, she won't have it. 

Then she tells her friends that I don't give her any money (Cultural difference i get it) even after she had been put on the bank accounts and decided to tear up the debit cards during a fit one time. 

I think I need to move to Alaska.


----------



## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

Maybe she's scared. I don't necessarily mind having financial discussions with my husband, but as a SAHW who has never had a job and has no real idea how to get one, financial stuff intimidates me to the point of causing me real anxiety. Maybe her anger is a cover for fear, a way of saying, "I have no idea what any of this stuff means and I am _terrified_ to get out of my comfort zone and help you with it!!"

Because of my husband's recent medical issues, I am going to have to start looking into ways to somehow bring in my own income, and it scares the DEVIL out of me to have to try to do all this stuff I honestly at one point assumed I'd never have to think about.


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

MrNightly said:


> Sometimes I believe she is stuck at about 12 years old.
> 
> Last time it was brought up when we were in bed, talking. She said she wanted to buy such and such and I said we don't really have the cash for that this month. Then proceeds to tell me that I never provide anything for her, etc etc. then walk out slamming doors. She slept in the other room that night. Lol.
> 
> ...


So you earn the money?

Start your own account without her name on it.

Make a budget and stick to it. If she cries then show her the help wanted adds. Or the door.

Man up or put up with her bull $hit.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

MrNightly said:


> Sometimes I believe she is stuck at about 12 years old.
> 
> Last time it was brought up when we were in bed, talking. She said she wanted to buy such and such and I said we don't really have the cash for that this month. Then proceeds to tell me that I never provide anything for her, etc etc. then walk out slamming doors. She slept in the other room that night. Lol.
> 
> ...


Eeks, being irresponsible or ignorant about money is a big deal breaker for me. I would hate that. But I'd probably get all cranky about it and answer stuff like wanting to buy such and such with "Oh, so you found a job to pay for it? Awesome" 
Or literally tape the budget to the fridge so they have to look at it... this one I did. It didn't work but I tried.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> Maybe she's scared. I don't necessarily mind having financial discussions with my husband, but as a SAHW who has never had a job and has no real idea how to get one, financial stuff intimidates me to the point of causing me real anxiety. Maybe her anger is a cover for fear, a way of saying, "I have no idea what any of this stuff means and I am _terrified_ to get out of my comfort zone and help you with it!!"
> 
> Because of my husband's recent medical issues, I am going to have to start looking into ways to somehow bring in my own income, and it scares the DEVIL out of me to have to try to do all this stuff I honestly at one point assumed I'd never have to think about.


I suggest you look into Dave Ramsey. A lot of financial information that is at a level anyone can understand and give you a good boost of knowledge. Very simple, easy steps. https://www.daveramsey.com/

Gail Vaz-Oxlade is another great one, she is Canadian but her advice is pretty universal Gail Vaz-Oxlade|Debt-Free Forever|Money|Book|Budgets & Personal Finances


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

My has always been the breadwinner but has never wanted any part of handling the finances, I've never understood it. So he never knows what's going on with us financially and will decide he wants something out of the blue and when I would tell him he had to wait a couple of weeks he'd flip his lid wondering where all our money was going. Then he'd demand to see an accounting of everything and after seeing exactly where the money he drops it. He does this over and over. 

OP your wife has no to right to ***** and moan if she won't at least take part in the budgeting and bill paying so she can see what's available before she asks for something. Being ignorant of your financial life then freaking out about not getting what she wants is just lame.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I am the SAHM my H earns the money. He has never paid a bill. Never cared to be involved in the financial part of our marriage. He does not know if we have a penny or not. I don't have a problem with doing taking care of things.

What pisses me off is that he would make withdrawal and not tell me then i have bills coming in and I have to be on top of things constantly moving money around because of him. He takes a lot of trips.

Then, he wants to know what I did with the money...or he says...thsts all the money you made this year....from the investments...as if he could do better. Every time he says that, I seriously want to punch him. 

When he retires, I am done taking care of the money...lets see how well he does.


----------



## Jamie296 (Apr 15, 2017)

I am the breadwinner of our household and to be perfectly honest, i have no idea what's in my accounts and don't care. My wife handles all of that. She pays the bills and takes care of things financially. 
I do take money out of the account every so often but i also do some side work to bring a little extra money every so often that ends up in my pocket. 
not everyone is cut out for the financial side of things unless it comes down to it but acting like a child about stuff is crazy. 

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I to used to not really care about the bills . Thought we were on the same page. Only to find out by accident that she had accrued tens of thousands of credit card debt by just paying the mimimun payment and buying ****ing bobles and trinkets that were always "on sale" 

I now do all the bills and love it .

My opinion is you should be the stewart of the money you earn. Then theres no one to blame but yourself.


I will never ever share a joint checking ACCOUNT....Ever

I am almost complete debt free with a 30k emerngecy fund.

I drive old ****ty cars and fix my own stuff from appliances to putting roofs on.

Its an addiction once you get into saving you can't stop.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

We're retired now but I earned almost all of the money by working before we retired.
I pay all the bills, keep records of everything, and make sure my wife knows where everything is and how to pay any of the bills if I should become incapacitated.

Every once in awhile I tell her "Ok, now you pay this bill" or "Ok, show me how you would transfer money from this account to this other account" and so on.
So I'm pretty sure she could handle it if she needed to.

But throwing a tantrum rather than having a conversation would be a definite problem.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

chillymorn69 said:


> I to used to not really care about the bills . Thought we were on the same page. Only to find out by accident that she had accrued tens of thousands of credit card debt by just paying the mimimun payment and buying ****ing bobles and trinkets that were always "on sale"
> 
> I now do all the bills and love it .
> 
> ...


It really is! 
I can't stand not knowing exactly what is going on with my money. I check it everyday just to see my savings, anything wonky that might be going on. It would drive me nuts that my ex would just spend until the card stopped working. Never knew what was there or what he bought. 
Once you get in control it is a free feeling that you'll never want to stop.


----------



## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> Maybe she's scared. I don't necessarily mind having financial discussions with my husband, but as a SAHW who has never had a job and has no real idea how to get one, financial stuff intimidates me to the point of causing me real anxiety. Maybe her anger is a cover for fear, a way of saying, "I have no idea what any of this stuff means and I am _terrified_ to get out of my comfort zone and help you with it!!"
> 
> Because of my husband's recent medical issues, I am going to have to start looking into ways to somehow bring in my own income, and it scares the DEVIL out of me to have to try to do all this stuff I honestly at one point assumed I'd never have to think about.


Ella,

There might be something to this. 

Thanks for sharing!

I've found that many of her responses are that of a Adolescent. For Example: If the baby will swing her hands and hit her in the face (4.5 month old) Wife will yell like she was struck by a car! If the baby bites (no teeth yet) she'll bite her back and say, how do you think that feels? I playfully one time fondeled her in the kitchen (We were in a good mood time) and she turned around and kneed me as hard as she could in the balls! If someone hurts her feelings, she blocks them on Facebook (Happened to me recently!) Just stuff that you are suppossed to grow out of with maturity.

When she gets afraid, she always runs into my arms for safety, so maybe you are onto something here.


----------



## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I suggest you look into Dave Ramsey. A lot of financial information that is at a level anyone can understand and give you a good boost of knowledge. Very simple, easy steps. https://www.daveramsey.com/
> 
> Gail Vaz-Oxlade is another great one, she is Canadian but her advice is pretty universal Gail Vaz-Oxlade|Debt-Free Forever|Money|Book|Budgets & Personal Finances


Thanks! I'm on the DR budget right now. It's a great program, just wish that I wasn't the only adult in the relationship on it


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

MrNightly said:


> What do you do if your spouse refuses to talk about money with you?
> 
> Let's say, that only one of them is working. And the one that isn't, refuses to talk about money. Refuses, as in, screams and yells and walks out of the room when it's brought up to have a discussion about finances?
> 
> Should the working one just plow ahead with the budget and money side since the other apparently can't have a mature conversation about it?


There was no screaming and yelling when this was an issue for us. I did just take over the budget. He was allocated according to what he needed. He HATED it. But we were in debt. Things were NOT GOOD. Eventually, I paid everything off and started saving. He saw the benefit of this in terms of what we could do with money. And got on board.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

MrNightly said:


> Ella,
> 
> There might be something to this.
> 
> ...


Woa. Therapy.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

MrNightly said:


> I've found that many of her responses are that of a Adolescent. For Example: If the baby will swing her hands and hit her in the face (4.5 month old) Wife will yell like she was struck by a car! If the baby bites (no teeth yet) she'll bite her back and say, how do you think that feels? I playfully one time fondeled her in the kitchen (We were in a good mood time) and she turned around and kneed me as hard as she could in the balls! If someone hurts her feelings, she blocks them on Facebook (Happened to me recently!) Just stuff that you are suppossed to grow out of with maturity.
> 
> When she gets afraid, she always runs into my arms for safety, so maybe you are onto something here.


Why on EARTH would you breed with an idiot like this?

You're your own worst enemy.


----------



## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Why on EARTH would you breed with an idiot like this?
> 
> You're your own worst enemy.


Ya... I was told, that she was unable to get preganent by her doctor (What she told me) She had been married for 12 years, and was never able to have a baby. Guess what?! They were wrong!

Shows the importance of not believing anybody huh?


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You have a father & daughter relationship. She needs to stop acting like a spoiled brat. Do you wish to live like this and grow old with a little girl as a wife? You need a marriage counselor & get her to work. Your wife needs to grow up!


----------



## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Does your wife lack emotional intelligence in other aspects of your marriage?

Some of what you describe wreaks personality disorder.

The part where you say if somebody hurts her feelings " she blocks them on Facebook" sets off alarm bells for a BPD trait.

One minute a person can do no wrong and the next minute they are being ostracized is indicative of black and white thinking.

Food for thought....there are many great resources available on BPD....if you feel this pertains to your situation.


----------

