# Angel vs. Devil



## sadathome (Aug 14, 2012)

I have been married nearly 18 years and we have had our share of problems but to get to this point a little background is required so please hang in there.

I am a pessimist by nature, an overachiever and very driven to succeed. DH was an optomist - very happy go lucky, easy going and hysterically funny. I say was because things changed over time and he became quite dark and over time avoided most social/family activities.

DH and I have 6 children (ranging from teens to toddler) and for the last six years or so I have been pulling all of the weight in our household. Managing the money, housework, activities, grocery shopping, menu planning, etc. I work full time and still manage to do the bulk of household management. 

I am not a quiet person - I have always voiced my feelings and concerns regarding our relationship and the problems as I perceived them. I have yelled, screamed, whispered, cried, written notes and emails to attempt to communicate my feelings. His reponses were always that he did not see what I saw or feel how I felt. 

I realize that may not make much sense but it will in a second. 

Over the course of the last six years we have grown apart - in many different ways. The catalyst to some of this was porn. He started engaging in a ton of internet porn viewing which lead to an Adult Friend Finder account. Let me tell you that I am extremely perceptive and also very adept at computer forensics. Every time I found more porn I called him out on it. Finally, he confessed and apologized and we seemed to finally move past it. Admittedly, I realized recently that I still do not completely trust him. 

I have continually complained about lack of intimacy (in the last three years we have been intimate about a dozen times) - I have to say in the last 8 months I have said little to nothing about this subject because it seems to get me nowhere. 

A few months ago he had an experience that was an awakening and finally saw what I have been saying for years. He has taken steps to fix things; ie getting help for depression, etc. 

Here is my problem. I am bitter and angry. I don't know that anything he does will fix how I now feel. Part of me says I should try to keep an open mind and let me try to fix the problems. Part of me says, screw it. I worked my rear off for years trying to get him to acknowledge the issues. The other issue is that my gut feeling said he is dabbling in porn again - and I found evidence of the same recently. 

Do I immediately call him on the porn? Give him a chance to "explain" or repent. My angel side says yes and the devil says no - let him hang himself.

I told him when we went through the first porn round that a repeat occurrence would be grounds for divorce - end of discussion.


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## Virginia Patricia (Aug 14, 2012)

you'll what you do until you don't anymore!


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