# I'm starting to see a good news/bad news scenario in the bedroom



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I'm on a mission to whip myself into shape. Primarily my goal is for my health and to improve how I feel about myself. But a close second is to make myself more desirable to my wife. Well, I've noticed that so far my efforts are yielding good benefits. We are normally a 3 - 4 times/week couple when it comes to sex. The interesting part is that recently I've been able to turn my wife on to get sex two days in a row. I have more stamina and I think she is liking the fact that she's getting the old me again. However, when we do it two days in a row, she is sore as hell on after the second night. Tonight was our second night in a row.

So even with the sexier me, the unfortunate side effect is that she's getting sore more often now - probably from the improve endurance and stamina. I'm now cut off until Saturday. Come Saturday, we'll still end up at 4 times for the week, but TBH I was hoping my improving physique would help me out more. I think it's more to do with a physical limitation now than anything.

Right now I'm thinking that I may have to lay off the porn and masturbation. I'm pretty high drive and I definitely try to get my fix. But since my fitness level is resulting in more stamina, I'll probably need to cut back on the masturbation so that I will not last as long. Right now, it's the only solution I can think of if I want to make sex better for my wife. Don't get me wrong, sex has definitely gotten better as I have thinned out, but I don't want her to associate sex with soreness from time to time. Plus if I want to break out of the 3 - 4 times per week to get closer to 5, or even daily sex, I'll need to go a little quicker. 

Has anyone else noticed these types of changes in their sex life since getting themselves back into shape? I'm open to any other suggestions to improve the quality of our lovemaking even more so that I don't last as long. I think masturbation is the key, but any other advice would be appreciated.


----------



## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Has anyone else noticed these types of changes in their sex life since getting themselves back into shape? I'm open to any other suggestions to improve the quality of our lovemaking even more so that I don't last as long. I think masturbation is the key, but any other advice would be appreciated.


I went from 230 pounds of flab to 175 pounds of muscle at age 42. Wife didn't notice but many others did and my sex life improved a great deal!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

jay1365 said:


> I went from 230 pounds of flab to 175 pounds of muscle at age 42. Wife didn't notice but many others did and my sex life improved a great deal!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You got me to laugh better than comedy!

You mean she literally DID NOT NOTICE? So your sex life improved with wife our outside the relation?


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

I would look at using more lube, I have this same problem. Issue is that I am HD So on the third night it might be lots of oral for us both.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I would be looking more at why she is getting so sore. We are a daily couple, some days 2 or 3 times in a day and I am fine, no soreness.
Would be fixing that issue before worrying about anything else.


----------



## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

treyvion said:


> You got me to laugh better than comedy!
> 
> You mean she literally DID NOT NOTICE? So your sex life improved with wife our outside the relation?


There was ONE night in bed when she reached over and ran her hand down my chest to my waist and said "wow it goes down now.". I recently learned, if dealing with a passive aggressive personality, they are incapable of giving any sort of affirmations, praise, or compliments. I got those things outside, which is a BAD move in the long run. She agreed to reconcile and I was fat again within a year. Passive aggressive behavior is called "crazy making" for those who live with it for good reason. I am convinced after reading hundreds if not thousands of refuser stories, male and female, that there is a PA personality, abandonment issue, shame issue, or combo of these as the cause.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Holland said:


> I would be looking more at why she is getting so sore. We are a daily couple, some days 2 or 3 times in a day and I am fine, no soreness.
> Would be fixing that issue before worrying about anything else.


It must have something to do with a vaginal dryness then. She's definitely been turned on, but maybe she's not producing as much lubrication lately. But we have been using lube, but it's not the best out there (KY). It seems like lately she's been wanting to have less foreplay and just wants me to get inside her. Last night was the 2nd day in a row, and she wanted the foreplay to end quickly because she was really up there and just wanted me inside her right away. Longer foreplay could have helped her produce more natural lubricant I suppose. 

I wish I would have timed myself last night, but I think it was too much staying power on my part. It did not hurt right away, and I know it was great for her. I'm guessing it was after the 15 min mark of PIV was when it started to hurt. 

I know all women are different and some can produce more lubricant than others. Right now, I think my biggest issue is the masturbation.


----------



## husbandinwaiting (May 28, 2013)

kegel exercises, maybe?


----------



## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

Make her wait for it. Seriously! The more she waits the more turned on she will be and the more lubricated she will be. Don't rush to PIV just because she wants it . Do everything but until you think she's ready. Trust me.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

FemBot said:


> Make her wait for it. Seriously! The more she waits the more turned on she will be and the more lubricated she will be. Don't rush to PIV just because she wants it . Do everything but until you think she's ready. Trust me.


That's what I used to do normally. But recently it seems like it's been easier to get her turned on now with the better body I'm developing, so I'm not used to her being as emphatic as she's been lately. Good point about extending the foreplay and trying to get her more excited.

LOL, I think now that I'm looking better it isn't as hard to get her aroused. But because of that, I think I've been less diligent at make foreplay more erotic like I used to.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

husbandinwaiting said:


> kegel exercises, maybe?


She's pretty snug to begin with and when she's really aroused she will "milk" my member while we are having sex. I don't think kegels are the issue - she does them already.


----------



## husbandinwaiting (May 28, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> She's pretty snug to begin with and when she's really aroused she will "milk" my member while we are having sex. I don't think kegels are the issue - she does them already.


Lucky man!


----------



## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

I have had this issue and found that using a lube helps a lot. We don't have to worry about condoms, so oils are our preference. (If you use condoms, I would go with a good water based lube and a few drops of water can rehydrate it when it starts to dry up a bit) Organic coconut oil, grape seed, hemp oil seed and olive oils are all good. Anything that is edible. Olive oil is thicker in consistency so it would be good for longer sessions. Coconut oil is solid when cooler than 78 degrees or so, but quickly melts. This can be fun to play with as a part of foreplay.

My natural lubrication, like water based lubes, can sometimes dry out a bit. The oils take longer to absorb and don't dry out, so they are a standard for us. We have a variety available at arms reach next to our bed.

I also have found that Jade ben wa balls increased my natural lubrication. I am not sure if this works this way for others, but it did for me. It lasted for a week and half or so. The silicone style ones did not do this for me, just the ones made from Jade. Might be worth a try as well.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

lovemylife said:


> I have had this issue and found that using a lube helps a lot. We don't have to worry about condoms, so oils are our preference. (If you use condoms, I would go with a good water based lube and a few drops of water can rehydrate it when it starts to dry up a bit) Organic coconut oil, grape seed, hemp oil seed and olive oils are all good. Anything that is edible. Olive oil is thicker in consistency so it would be good for longer sessions. Coconut oil is solid when cooler than 78 degrees or so, but quickly melts. This can be fun to play with as a part of foreplay.
> 
> My natural lubrication, like water based lubes, can sometimes dry out a bit. The oils take longer to absorb and don't dry out, so they are a standard for us. We have a variety available at arms reach next to our bed.
> 
> I also have found that Jade ben wa balls increased my natural lubrication. I am not sure if this works this way for others, but it did for me. It lasted for a week and half or so. The silicone style ones did not do this for me, just the ones made from Jade. Might be worth a try as well.


So you have used EVOO as a lubricant? How much have you used at one time? We don't use condoms - it's all "unprotected" all the time for us.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I thought I read something about grape seed oil also. I wouldn't use anything unless I was sure it wouldn't give her an infection or an allergic reaction.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

jay1365 said:


> I went from 230 pounds of flab to 175 pounds of muscle at age 42. Wife didn't notice but many others did and my sex life improved a great deal!


My wife does the same. It's nearly universal now that when someone who hasn't seen me in a while they comment right away.



jay1365 said:


> I recently learned, if dealing with a passive aggressive personality, they are incapable of giving any sort of affirmations, praise, or compliments.


I think it's a combo of that plus the insecurity that I'm far more capable of lading a good looking gal that she'd have a hard time competing with.


----------



## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> So you have used EVOO as a lubricant? How much have you used at one time? We don't use condoms - it's all "unprotected" all the time for us.


We have used a variety of oils. We start by drizzling some in your hand and then applying it each other. The amount can vary, but by putting it in your hand and then applying to your partner, you can start with a little and add more as needed. 

The oils are great for use on the legs and stomach as well so bodies can glide against each other. As you sweat you can stick to each other a bit and the oils are great for preventing the stick and allowing a bit more slip, but the good kind of slip. 

Oils can leave a residue on the sheets and I have found that a bit of Dawn dish soap rubbed into the oily spot helps to get that out, in case that is a concern.


----------



## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

Try coconut oil. I have it in a small jar on my nightstand and it is in a solid form like a lotion under a certain temperature, you just scoop out a bit and it immediately starts to melt in your hand or on warm body parts  It is all natural and smells and tastes great too!


----------



## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

Coconut oil is fantastic. Unfortunately for me, my husband hates coconut (smell, taste, everything about it). So, almond oil it is for us now. Start out with a nice massage and just go right into the deed. 

I am tempted to get one of these sheet protectors: Naked Bed Sheet


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

15 minutes of PIV may be too long for your wife, especially if she is not sufficiently lubricated from foreplay. I do like the suggestions here about lube.

Do you two enjoy oral? Some nights could be that alone if it is mutually pleasurable. You could also try switching positions from missionary to doggy, cowgirl, and 69. Try to mix things up, and see if that relieves her soreness.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Well, I mentioned it in other threads, but we figured out why there was a bad news situation with this. It turns out that the problem was a persistent yeast infection. She's cured of that and I'm not passing it back to her. She is still healing from the effects.

Another good news because of my lifestyle change. I measured myself today and I discovered that I added 0.25" to my length and 0.125" to my girth. I think it's a combination of the reduction in the fat pad at the base of the penis plus the improved blood flow that has yielded these results. So that's another benefit of getting fit for your spouse.


----------

