# confused - hurt - angry - did I mention confused?



## d00dl3z (Jul 19, 2012)

So...very long story made extremely short. Married 18.5 years. I was inattentive and not very "there" for about a year prior. Wife established a secret email account, looked up people on Craigslist. Met at least 3 of them - supposedly never did anything other than kiss one. Met a 4th and had a sexual affair with him. I discovered it a month later when I am in her main email account and see an email from her to an unknown address with a pic of herself. I hack the account and discover what's been going on and confront her with it. The guy she f****d is a family therapist, of all things! G*d d**n!!! I have more detail than anyone should ever be allowed to have - I've grilled her for 2 months about it, detail after detail. I know when, where, how, how long, how much, what, and anything and everything in between.

Fast forward 2.5 months. We've argued, fought, said ugly things, I've made threats. We are attempting to reconcile. We are seeing a "real" therapist. We still live together, sleep together, make love together, go to church together, deal with our children together, etc.

Now is where this gets weird. About our sex life - we are pretty racy. Nothing bizarre, just lots of dirty talk, no limits on orifices or frequency. Our sex life has always been like this. And, probably, a little more so since the affair. ...I still haven't gotten to the weird part yet... So, we occasionally watch porn and fantasize. Recently, within the past couple weeks, we've been fantasizing about involving another woman. We've gone so far as to seek someone out. We are very religious people. I am the leader in my home and the final say on things. Either one of us has the ability to "tap out" if we decide we don't want to follow through with this "thing."

On one hand, I think we shouldn't do this due to the moral implications. On the other hand, this is her 2nd sexual affair and 6th or 7th emotional affair. (There were multiple "friends" on Craigslist that she was emotionally intimate with.) Honestly? I feel a little justified in going ahead ad pursuing this 3some. I am confused and can't make up my mind which way to go.

Posting this here (hopefully in the right area) to seek the advise of others in an anonymous way. Hopefully, folks will feel free to be open and honest. Let me know your thoughts, but please don't crucify me. I'm being honest here.


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## I'm The Prize (May 22, 2012)

You said "We are very religious people. I am the leader in my home and the final say on things."

Because you said this I'd like to know what religion before I answer.


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## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

I'm The Prize said:


> You said "We are very religious people. I am the leader in my home and the final say on things."
> 
> Because you said this I'd like to know what religion before I answer.


I was about to ask the same question
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Yeah, dude...I hate to be a downer, but she probably did more with the other guys than she let on to. I'm not saying that to be a jerk, either. I'm saying that because what you are experiencing is called trickle truth. When the wayward spouse tells you something but it isn't the entire truth that you need or deserve. Yes, she told you about the counselor guy. Which is a big no no in his profession and if it were me, I'd seek legal counsel against him - but that's another story.

Three some. Hmmm..again, that's a slippery slope. Pardon the pun. While it is definitely nice to have fantasy, you have to be fully prepared to deal with the reality once it's lying there spread eagle for you to "enjoy". 

If it were me, and I'll be honest - having another chick with my wife and me would be awesome! However, it probably isn't the right time to involve someone else in an otherwise messy (there I go again) situation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Three some's usually do not end well in a relationship. It sounds like you want to have a revenge affair and have hit on this as a 'safe' way to have one... plus she would have to watch you do this so it might be even more appealing.

I assume you are up for a wmw type 3some. How about a mwm 3some? You game for that as well?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

"..Religion is the opiate of the masses.."
Karl Marx.

I don't think that there is a nexus between the OP delima and his religion. Everybody professes to believe in something. Even the Atheist and the Agnostic.
The OP is asking why is he feeling this way?
Maybe it is because he has lost faith after facing betrayal after betrayal in what he believed in.
Sounds like he is in a downward spiral to me........


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Hope you reported the "therapist"--if he's licensed. Or try the local better business bureau--and I'm dead serious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

:FIREdevil: I lost my religion a long time ago. You said that you and the wife are very religious, yet you want to do things that most organized religion preaches against? I'm not one to judge because I think I've led a very sheltered existence. In fact, in one of ex's email conversations to the OM she said that I was too conservative. So be it. Realize that in threesomes there's always a third wheel and don't be surprised if you end up being it. WOW! :FIREdevil:


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Is the OP real or fiction? I can't help but think it is the latter...

How many religious people go every orifice without inhibitions or limits? How many religious men would decide to have sex with the wife after she looked for sex on craigslist, AND has an even more colorful sex life afterwards? And finally, how many religious men would decide to strongly consider having a threesome after his spouse cheated on him with multiple men? 

If they are very religious and Christian, then I strongly, strongly doubt that anal sex is even a part of the equation, and oral sex is likely only for a short period of time only. Deeply religious Christians would believe that you could only ejaculate in the vagina and that anywhere else is a sin.


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## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Is the OP real or fiction? I can't help but think it is the latter...
> 
> How many religious people go every orifice without inhibitions or limits? How many religious men would decide to have sex with the wife after she looked for sex on craigslist, AND has an even more colorful sex life afterwards? And finally, how many religious men would decide to strongly consider having a threesome after his spouse cheated on him with multiple men?
> 
> If they are very religious and Christian, then I strongly, strongly doubt that anal sex is even a part of the equation, and oral sex is likely only for a short period of time only. Deeply religious Christians would believe that you could only ejaculate in the vagina and that anywhere else is a sin.


Welcome to Americas underground Christian movement
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Is the OP real or fiction? I can't help but think it is the latter...
> 
> How many religious people go every orifice without inhibitions or limits? How many religious men would decide to have sex with the wife after she looked for sex on craigslist, AND has an even more colorful sex life afterwards? And finally, how many religious men would decide to strongly consider having a threesome after his spouse cheated on him with multiple men?
> 
> If they are very religious and Christian, then I strongly, strongly doubt that anal sex is even a part of the equation, and oral sex is likely only for a short period of time only. Deeply religious Christians would believe that you could only ejaculate in the vagina and that anywhere else is a sin.


You'd be surprised. Think Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker. What about the TV evangelist that was caught trolling for young men in a gay online escort site? Whether one is religious or not has no impact on their sexual proclivities.


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## I'm The Prize (May 22, 2012)

If he is a Christian he has no right to proclaim his headship when he brought porn into the relationship and then was surprised that she figured she could ignore other sexual sins. Then he compounds it with wanting to have a threesome? This guys trolling or he is the most uncommitted Christian I've come across. Is she 100% to blame for the affair? You bet. Should he be surprised? Absolutely not! You reap what you sew. 
Wouldn't have made the comment had he not made such a big deal out of saying he was religious.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> You'd be surprised. Think Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker. What about the TV evangelist that was caught trolling for young men in a gay online escort site? Whether one is religious or not has no impact on their sexual proclivities.


Oh I won't deny that Christians can be hypocrites on a wide variety of issues - including those of a sexual nature. What strikes me as odd is that given the anonymity of the web, there is no reason to put up a facade about being a Christian. The logical play, if this is true, would be to simply state his problem and leave his religious convictions out of the OP. No reason to try to convince us that he's a devout, holy man. Just doesn't compute in my book.


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## d00dl3z (Jul 19, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

leave it alone dude. ?? who brought up the 3some 1st. If it was her, then she is just wanting to continue do other guys. BC that will be, "well we did your thing, so let do mine now".


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## d00dl3z (Jul 19, 2012)

Answering multiple questions here:

-never said I introduced porn...that was an assumption on your part.
-no, it's not a troll. It's a sincere request for thoughts.
-religion=Christian. Heavily involved, church 3x per week, church activities, etc
-regarding orifices, no guilt or shame. We believe all is ok within the marriage.
-again, please no crucifying over the hypocricy angle. We're already conflicted over it (the 3some)
-what type? FMF. MFM is a NO!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'm The Prize (May 22, 2012)

Sincere thought, you can not claim Christ and continue your lifestyle. If you are truly a Christian you know that. You will not be allowed to continue without the guilt. You will be torn apart. If you are a Christian you don't even need to ask what to do unless you are sleeping through the time you are at church 3X a week. I only approach this the way I am because you have said you are a brother. I have to speak truth to you because I am accountable to do so. You do realize that you are accountable for not only your actions but your failure to lead your family correctly. For the love of God stop it. Your not conflicted your convicted.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

PinkBeret said:


> This is an extremely bad idea. Please stay away. Sex is between 2 people only otherwise, we'd have 2 or more private parts each.


Sex can be between more than two consenting adults. Don't let your bias prejudice you against adult that chose things different from your view point. (Me, I prefer one on one sex, but I would definitely consider two willing females.)

Edit: I would never consider threesomes while married. That really IS asking for trouble.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

OP, see what you've started. If you had only left your religious views out of the discourse, we wouldn't find ourselves discussing religion and what's 'right' or 'wrong'.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

PinkBeret said:


> All I have to say to you Count of Monte Cristo is, just because you can doesn't mean you should.
> 
> And sex is only between 2 people. Prejudice or not.


You obviously haven't watched a lot of porn. I don't want to get into a flame war with you so I'll leave it at that.


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## I'm The Prize (May 22, 2012)

Hey Count, I don't give the same advise to those who don't openly say they are of my faith. You don't come from the same vantage point so naturally won't see it from mine. But, this guy is putting himself out there as one of us. I'm not going to be one of those people who look the other way because the rest of the world can see that some of us are hypocrites. Instead I true to point out that this is not the way a follower is to behave and would hope someone who is a follower would do the same with me if I were to bring shame to the One I follow.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

d00dl3z said:


> Answering multiple questions here:
> 
> -never said I introduced porn...that was an assumption on your part.
> -no, it's not a troll. It's a sincere request for thoughts.
> ...


Let's see, your WW is a serial cheater, you rug swept her affairs and suffering the agony from that, and now you want to have threesomes?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Since when 3somes are okay for people who claim to be religious and since when religion says marriage is about three and not two? 

I have yet to read where in the Bible it says *everything* is okay within marriage. 

Or it comes down to how people define "everything"?


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

If you go for it, Jesus will still love you.. just a little bit less than before.

No dude, don't go for it. Or if you will, one step at a time. Sort out your wife's infidelity first, you are already chin deep in this mess.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

d00dl3z said:


> I am the leader in my home and the final say on things.
> 
> 
> 
> On one hand, I think we shouldn't do this due to the moral implications. On the other hand, this is her 2nd sexual affair and 6th or 7th emotional affair. (There were multiple "friends" on Craigslist that she was emotionally intimate with.) Honestly? I feel a little justified in going ahead ad pursuing this 3some. I am confused and can't make up my mind which way to go.



Obviously you don't have the final say on your wife's infidelity,considering her past.From my perspective,a threesome at this point would only add fuel to the fire that is already burning down your marriage.I get the moral implications as it could also be viewed almost like moral turpitude depending on the moral standards expected in your personal Christian community.Guess it also depends what you value there.Take care.


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## LastUnicorn (Jul 10, 2012)

d00dl3z said:


> Fast forward 2.5 months. We've argued, fought, said ugly things, I've made threats. We are attempting to reconcile. We are seeing a "real" therapist. We still live together, sleep together, make love together, go to church together, deal with our children together, etc.


On the surface, this looks good. To anyone casually looking at your relationship you both are keeping up appearances at being a committed couple.



> So, we occasionally watch porn and fantasize. Recently, within the past couple weeks, we've been fantasizing about involving another woman. *We've gone so far as to seek someone out.* We are very religious people. I am the leader in my home and the final say on things. Either one of us has the ability to "tap out" if we decide we don't want to follow through with this "thing."
> 
> On one hand, I think we shouldn't do this due to the moral implications. On the other hand, this is her 2nd sexual affair and 6th or 7th emotional affair. (There were multiple "friends" on Craigslist that she was emotionally intimate with.) Honestly? I feel a little justified in going ahead ad pursuing this 3some. I am confused and can't make up my mind which way to go.


You've already made the decision and taken steps to make this a reality. Honestly this isn't typical behavior of a couple attempting to reconcile their marriage. Connecting and reestablishing core intimacy, in and out of the bedroom, by focusing on each other by NOT engaging in fantasy or real lovers. You are asking a forum of complete strangers for permission or validation of your intent to continue involving lovers in your marriage. Have you gathered up a group of your peers and family members to pose the same question? What would their answer be?

This isn't a religious or morality question at all, IMHO. The questions you and your wife NEED to be asking yourselves are:
Is this what I had in mind as a fulfilling marriage? 
Am I being faithful and dealing with a loving heart and conscious with what my spouse requires for him/her to have a fulfilling marriage?
Am I being selfish?
Am I being honest with my spouse?
Am I being honest with myself?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

d00dl3z said:


> On one hand, I think we shouldn't do this due to the moral implications. On the other hand, this is her 2nd sexual affair and 6th or 7th emotional affair. (There were multiple "friends" on Craigslist that she was emotionally intimate with.) Honestly? I feel a little justified in going ahead ad pursuing this 3some. I am confused and can't make up my mind which way to go.
> 
> Posting this here (hopefully in the right area) to seek the advise of others in an anonymous way. Hopefully, folks will feel free to be open and honest. Let me know your thoughts, but please don't crucify me. I'm being honest here.


The answer is way to easy. A marriage is between two people and two people only, not three, not four, not seven - well, you get the picture.

Craigslist? Are you serious?

When a couple decides to bring others into the intimacy of a marriage, it is doomed, period. There is no justification. There is no excuse. And, no matter how you try to dress it up, it is still morally wrong. You know this.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Folks, at least those of you who practice organized religion, when attending religious services did your priest, rabbi or minister start off by saying: Today I would like to talk about threesomes, or anal and oral sex, or penis size............... COME ON !!!!!


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## d00dl3z (Jul 19, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> Hope you reported the "therapist"--if he's licensed. Or try the local better business bureau--and I'm dead serious.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There's another bit of confusion. I certainly want to. Let me do you one better - not only did she have sex with a family therapist, it was in his office. There's certainly a considerable more amount of concern, hurt, and anger over that. 

However, if I did report him, it would hurt not just him, but his wife and children as well. I don't want to cause anyone else the kind of pain I've gone through and think to report him would do exactly that to his wife. Feel free to chime in here...


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Sex is not only for making children, if so we need to engage in sex only once in a year, doing it other time is sin. sex in a marriage is for pleasure, its a way to show our love, care and intimacy. I dont believe that god keep a book to record, in which hole he is doing daily. Dont mix religion with everything. He is a believer of god doesn't mean that he cant do anal or oral with his wife.

Then about the threesome, threesome or more some it is definitely troublesome in a marriage. Its good to have fantasy but if you try to make it real it will bring trouble.

She is a serial cheater without any moral don't scoop into her level.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

So he will keep f*cking vulnerable women who come to him for advice destroying more families ? You reward him by keeping his secret? WoW!!!


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

d00dl3z said:


> There's another bit of confusion. I certainly want to. Let me do you one better - not only did she have sex with a family therapist, it was in his office. There's certainly a considerable more amount of concern, hurt, and anger over that.
> 
> However, if I did report him, it would hurt not just him, but his wife and children as well. I don't want to cause anyone else the kind of pain I've gone through and think to report him would do exactly that to his wife. Feel free to chime in here...


So the "hurt" that would be inflicted on his wife and children would be because "you told on him" rather than the act itself? He is innocent and not responsible unless you tell on him? Does it not occur to you that, in telling, you are merely the messenger of what he, in fact did? If you were the spouse (which you are) would you not want to know?

On a broader scale, if you saw a crime being committed, would you not report the crime just in case the perp has a wife and child? What's the difference?


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

d00dl3z said:


> There's another bit of confusion. I certainly want to. Let me do you one better - not only did she have sex with a family therapist, it was in his office. There's certainly a considerable more amount of concern, hurt, and anger over that.
> 
> However, if I did report him, it would hurt not just him, but his wife and children as well. * I don't want to cause anyone else the kind of pain I've gone through and think to report him would do exactly that to his wife.* Feel free to chime in here...


Sorry wrong thinking.He and your wife hurt his family. Besides OM shouldn't be practicing. You will do society a great service.


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## d00dl3z (Jul 19, 2012)

I'm not even sure HOW one would go about reporting a Family Counselor. I do know he works for a large medical practice - yes, I know specifically which one.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

d00dl3z said:


> I'm not even sure HOW one would go about reporting a Family Counselor. I do know he works for a large medical practice - yes, I know specifically which one.


He must belong to an association or similar group.


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## Seesaw (Jun 5, 2012)

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

This Family thrapist is your Family therapist? Is anyone in the family his client?


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

There is a great tome over on SI in the Betrayed Mens section describing how a BH should now view his cheating wife post discovery. It was written by one of the more venerable members of the board and I was surprised by the raw frankness of how he must have viewed his own wife for 18-24 months after D-day. I will post it on TAM at some point.

I suspect that the OP now views his own wife, or should view his wife similarily.


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## Posse (Jan 30, 2012)

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't your initial problems come from having a third person in the marriage?

It sure didn't work out well the first time. Why would you even think of going there again?

The first time as a child that I put my hand on a hot stove burner I learned my lesson............

Not to mention she sure can use your participation in a FFM threesome to rationalize her past, present, and future actions in her own mind, can't she?


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## Seesaw (Jun 5, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Since when 3somes are okay for people who claim to be religious and since when religion says marriage is about three and not two?


Ah, but hang on it is for Christians surely. Man woman and God! And God being omnipotent he must have tremendous orgasms. :rofl:


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

BTW, she didn't wake up one day and just decide to start trolling Craigslist, she had to build up to this. She's got a lot more experience at this than you know. I would schedule a polygraph as a non-negotiable to even consider R. And yes she had sex with all 8 of those men, make sure that's on the list of question too.


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## I'm The Prize (May 22, 2012)

kenmoore14217 said:


> Folks, at least those of you who practice organized religion, when attending religious services did your priest, rabbi or minister start off by saying: Today I would like to talk about threesomes, or anal and oral sex, or penis size............... COME ON !!!!!


No but I'm sure we have all heard "thou shall not commit adultery" more than a few times. Like I said, you aren't one of us and therefore you can't see it from our view nor do we expect you to.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

d00dl3z said:


> I'm not even sure HOW one would go about reporting a Family Counselor. I do know he works for a large medical practice - yes, I know specifically which one.


You call his wife an let her know he is cheating on her with random women on Craigslist, and her health is highly at risk from STDs including HIV and hepatitis among others.

You also call and find the managing partner or HR for the group and inform them he is engaging in this stuff.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh and having a threesome......really really bad idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Let's see, your WW is a serial cheater, you rug swept her affairs and suffering the agony from that, and now you want to have threesomes?


:iagree:


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## d00dl3z (Jul 19, 2012)

Acabado said:


> This Family thrapist is your Family therapist? Is anyone in the family his client?


No, no, no, no....on all counts. He IS a family therapist that trolled on Craigslist for a M4W relationship. Certainly not ours....


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## d00dl3z (Jul 19, 2012)

Posse said:


> Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't your initial problems come from having a third person in the marriage?
> 
> It sure didn't work out well the first time. Why would you even think of going there again?


Again, no, no, no, no, no.....we have NEVER had a 3some. SHE had the affair. WE are considering a 3some - call it an approved revenge affair if you will. There's where the confusion enters. I have NEVER violated my vows but am considering it after this (at least) second infidelity.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

d00dl3z said:


> Again, no, no, no, no, no.....we have NEVER had a 3some. SHE had the affair. WE are considering a 3some - call it an approved revenge affair if you will. There's where the confusion enters. *I have NEVER violated my vows but am considering it after this (at least) second infidelity*.


Oh right! I didn't know having a 3some is the way to reconciliation when infidelity happens in marriage.

So, you never violated your vows [given the devoted Christian that you are] and to prove that you're even more devoted as a husband and as a Christian, you choose to have 3somes.

Right.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> No, no, no, no....on all counts. He IS a family therapist that trolled on Craigslist for a M4W relationship. Certainly not ours.


Then I don't think you can mess too much with his professional side. Anyhow this "family therapist" is trolling craiglist for sex NSA, right? Likely serial. Don't you think his wife needs to protect herself from potential STD? Don't you think she needs to have very relevant info about her life in order to make her own decisions? It's now your bussiness. It's not dome ramdom dude. He intruded in your life. This innocent woman is the only one of the four in the dark. She needs to know from a friendly source, which is you.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Out him, he made his bed etc. Help his wife, you may even save her life form STD's. He should be pounding rocks, not advising families for God's sake.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

This brings up something else you obviously need . 

Get the books:

No More Mister Nice Guy

Married Man Sex Life

Before you make any more decisions.

BTW all the swingers, 3somes people I know are divorced now.

You nee to verify your wifes story too.

Get cell records texts etc.

You can retrieve texts for some phones carriers. What phone does she use?


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Would it not hurt his kids more to have both parents die from aids dad gave to mom ???


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## carmelcandy (Sep 6, 2012)

d00dl3z said:


> So...very long story made extremely short. Married 18.5 years. I was inattentive and not very "there" for about a year prior. Wife established a secret email account, looked up people on Craigslist. Met at least 3 of them - supposedly never did anything other than kiss one. Met a 4th and had a sexual affair with him. I discovered it a month later when I am in her main email account and see an email from her to an unknown address with a pic of herself. I hack the account and discover what's been going on and confront her with it. The guy she f****d is a family therapist, of all things! G*d d**n!!! I have more detail than anyone should ever be allowed to have - I've grilled her for 2 months about it, detail after detail. I know when, where, how, how long, how much, what, and anything and everything in between.
> 
> Fast forward 2.5 months. We've argued, fought, said ugly things, I've made threats. We are attempting to reconcile. We are seeing a "real" therapist. We still live together, sleep together, make love together, go to church together, deal with our children together, etc.
> 
> ...


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## d00dl3z (Jul 19, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Is the OP real or fiction? I can't help but think it is the latter...
> 
> How many religious people go every orifice without inhibitions or limits? How many religious men would decide to have sex with the wife after she looked for sex on craigslist, AND has an even more colorful sex life afterwards? And finally, how many religious men would decide to strongly consider having a threesome after his spouse cheated on him with multiple men?
> 
> If they are very religious and Christian, then I strongly, strongly doubt that anal sex is even a part of the equation, and oral sex is likely only for a short period of time only. Deeply religious Christians would believe that you could only ejaculate in the vagina and that anywhere else is a sin.


Yes, I’m real, not fiction. Yes, all facts. Religious affiliation = church of Christ.


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## d00dl3z (Jul 19, 2012)

I'm The Prize said:


> If he is a Christian he has no right to proclaim his headship when he brought porn into the relationship and then was surprised that she figured she could ignore other sexual sins. Then he compounds it with wanting to have a threesome? This guys trolling or he is the most uncommitted Christian I've come across. Is she 100% to blame for the affair? You bet. Should he be surprised? Absolutely not! You reap what you sew.
> Wouldn't have made the comment had he not made such a big deal out of saying he was religious.


I didn’t make a"big deal" of it. Just giving background. Please simmer down a little.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

@d00dl3z

dont do the threesome. it would be better for you to just get a divorce. you are still better about your wife's affairs, and she apparently has not done anything to show that she wants to change. bringing another woman into that mix will do nothing good for anyone involved.

ETA: just saw that this thread was from 2012. welcome back. 

did you do the threesome? get divorced? how have you been?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

d00dl3z said:


> Yes, I’m real, not fiction. Yes, all facts. Religious affiliation = church of Christ.


You may be real but you don't seem very religious. At least if that involves following the commandments you say you believe. Both of you actually.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

d00dl3z said:


> I didn’t make a"big deal" of it. Just giving background. Please simmer down a little.


So, what came about what 5 or 6 years ago?


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

coma?


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I never understand people who claim to be "religious" but, by their own standards, lead a more sinful life than me, the agnostic. What the hell does "I'm religious" mean, exactly? Is it like a club or something?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Tatsuhiko said:


> I never understand people who claim to be "religious" but, by their own standards, lead a more sinful life than me, the agnostic. What the hell does "I'm religious" mean, exactly? Is it like a club or something?


OP hasn't really done much besides think about threesomes and use porn with his wife. 

unless he went ahead with the threesome, the only thing he is really guilty of is watching some of the porn that his wife brought in and fantasizing about being with other women after catching his wife in multiple affairs. 

the religious part is just part of the reason why he is conflicted, which is why he mentioned it.

its not exactly like he is a bible thumping hypocrite...


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

You're "very religious people" yet you want to add another person to your bedroom and she's had several affairs? Interesting.

It's also weird to me that the OP revisited this thread after almost 6 years and nothing has changed since then.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

1. sounding totally judgmental but I am not sure which Bible you are reading, not the one I read anyhow. However you are human and we all approach issues with our humanity, anger, hurt, loss, etc. 

2. Two wrongs never made a right and never will, you will regret your threesome, I am sure of it.

3. You are hurting, what your wife has done deserves DIVORCE and her activities are actually those mentioned in the bible entitling you to a DIVORCE (Matthew 5:32). Of course you are confused, your rage and hurt is fueling your confusion, it is time to practice what you are preaching here now and turn to the Lord and His word and seek answers there. Do not do anything when you are in this state of flux. You need to confide in a Godly friend who has your back. Not one who insists on restoring the marriage, you do have a way out. Let your emotions settle, the confusion will clear and you will know what to do. If anyone wants wisdom they just have to ask. James 1:5.

4. She is a serial cheater. Now everyone is redeemable and can change, but is she willing to change? That should be the focus right now. She needs major consequences. After so much infidelity I cannot see how you cannot divorce her, but the Lord may have different plans for you.

5. I do not see what place porn has in a Christian marriage, you opened up the door to the dark side there I am afraid

6. You are hurting and probably want some sort of revenge, making her watch you have sex with another woman may give you temporary relief but that will be all. Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. An eye for an eye is not the right way to go. Your flesh is demanding restitution, that is so understandable but hold off on the threesome.


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## Just another (Feb 21, 2018)

OP, Don't leave us hanging. We've been waiting 5 years to hear the outcome.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I hate responding to zombie threads, UGH!!!!

OP, what brought you back to this thread after six years? And to boot, it is as if you posted yesterday, sorry man but this is weird.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Zombie....................aargh


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

this is not a typical zombie thread... it was resurrected by OP himself. 

i too am curious as to how things progressed for him.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Very curious that after a 5 year hiatus the OP has returned.

What has changed or not changed OP. Is your wife still a serial cheater?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Windwalker said:


> Very curious that after a 5 year hiatus the OP has returned.
> 
> What has changed or not changed OP. Is your wife still a serial cheater?


Yes it is interesting. I mean, OP, fill us in. You know that everything she told you 5 years ago was a lie, everything. 

What did you decide, why, what truth have you found out. 

And folks, please do the "Your Religious" thing and beat him up. People in general, regardless of religion, are weak, confused, and make a lot of mistakes. So give him a break on that. 

But don't give him a break for staying with a lying serial cheater and not making positive moves in his life to make it better. Be it swinging, divorce, open relationship or whatever. 

If OP has stayed Status Quo for 5 years, that is a trip...


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Tatsuhiko said:


> I never understand people who claim to be "religious" but, by their own standards, lead a more sinful life than me, the agnostic. What the hell does "I'm religious" mean, exactly? Is it like a club or something?


It' means they like singing songs and telling people what to do. Dressing up on Sunday and judging people because they think they have a get out of free card.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@d00dl3z How did things go?

Are you and your wife still together?

Did you go for the threesome?

How are things in general?


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