# Husband using terms of endearment to encourage female facebook friends



## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

My husband understands how I feel about his using terms of endearment to encourage his female Facebook friends.

What I do not understand is this...

He has not met these particular Facebook friends
He has not spoken to these particular Facebook friends except on Facebook

His only contact with these particular Facebook friends is through Facebook.

Is this behavior odd?


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## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

Read up on emotional affairs and see if it matches what your husband is doing.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't have the jealousy gene, and I wouldn't like this one bit.

It's not about being jealous either, it's about being disrespected.

A married man should be saving terms of endearment for his wife and daughter(s).


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I wouldn't like it, but I've been called 'sweety', 'honey' and all sorts of things by complete strangers. If he does it to everyone all the time, I think it's just a very bad habit he may have gotten into. I find it very disrespectful when people do it to me. 

If it's only directed towards particular females, I'd feel 'off' about it. Why them? Why does he think it appropriate? Not saying to do it yourself, but how would he feel if you called male friends by these same endearments? Would he find it disturbing or not care?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, I find it odd but, more important, you find it odd and that's all he needs to know.


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

The comments I received are how I feel about the situation.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

spunkycat08 said:


> The comments I received are how I feel about the situation.


That is because every person, and therefor marriage, has their own boundaries. For example, some women don't care if their husbands watch porn and even watch it with them. But other women have a 'no porn on any level, what so ever' limit. Whether I think porn is OK or weird is irrelevant in others situation. The thing that is important is if the husband respects his wife enough to refrain from porn if she is totally against it.

You don't like it, that should be enough, your husband either shows his respect and love to you by refraining from this, or he shows his disrespect and disloyalty by continuing it.

Personally, I think it is weird. I wouldn't like it if some guy I don't know said that to me, or if my husband talked that way to other women, but I am of an older generation and I don't like facebook either. I think facebook, and all the other forms of electronic communication, is a socially illiterate form of communication. It enables people by allowing them to form cyber relationships and not real face to face ones. And because of the security of 'closet relationships' it also allows people to act, say and do things they normally wouldn't if it was a real, in person, relationship. But I digress, sorry.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

To me if it feels wrong to you then it probably is. He likely either thinks you're overreacting or knows your not but hides behind it as an excuse. But, give us some more information because we have to guess about what it means.

Do you have examples? Terms of endearment show love and affection so who does he do this to? Only women? Are they attractive? (Don't answer that. What I mean is are they women you think men would like to sleep with). How is he in real life? Who does he show the same endearment towards.


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

Thundarr said:


> To me if it feels wrong to you then it probably is. He likely either thinks you're overreacting or knows your not but hides behind it as an excuse. But, give us some more information because we have to guess about what it means.
> 
> Do you have examples? Terms of endearment show love and affection so who does he do this to? Only women? Are they attractive? (Don't answer that. What I mean is are they women you think men would like to sleep with). How is he in real life? Who does he show the same endearment towards.


He told me that he uses terms of endearment with his female Facebook friends to make them feel like family and to give them encouragement. He does *not *use any terms of endearment with his male Facebook friends.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Does he do this is in the real world?


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Using honey or sweetie for a lady is about the same as using dude or bro for men.

"I" usually don't read too much into it...

Terms nowadays are, "B!tches be like" and the n word. Now, I find THAT highly offensive.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

spunkycat08 said:


> He told me that he uses terms of endearment with his female Facebook friends to make them feel like family and to give them encouragement. He does *not *use any terms of endearment with his male Facebook friends.


Why does he need to make people he doesn't even know feel like family?

You need to ask him that, then call him out on his BS. Put your foot down and tell him to stop now. If he doesn't what are you going to do about it?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I know people that do this and it's a real turn-off.

Honey, love you, darling, sweetheart, babe.

Should be reserved for family and wife/husband or really close friends.
Specially babe and sweetheart, darling only for the wife.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

spunkycat08 said:


> He told me that he uses terms of endearment with his female Facebook friends to make them feel like family and to give them encouragement. He does *not *use any terms of endearment with his male Facebook friends.



That sounds a lot like an excuse to keep doing it. No matter. It bothers you and you're his wife so he should have stopped whether it was innocent or not. If you really want him to stop then I think you're going to have to increase the consequence. I don't have any suggestions on the best way to do that though since every relationship is different. Good luck.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I don't understand how does he have Facebook friends he never has met. Just just randomly friends women on the internet???


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> I don't understand how does he have Facebook friends he never has met. Just randomly friends women on the internet???


I feel the same way too


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

Thundarr said:


> That sounds a lot like an excuse to keep doing it. No matter. It bothers you and you're his wife so he should have stopped whether it was innocent or not. If you really want him to stop then I think you're going to have to increase the consequence. I don't have any suggestions on the best way to do that though since every relationship is different. Good luck.


I would like him to 1) address why he needs to use terms of endearment to encourage females whom he has not met, whom he does not personally know, and whom he does not talk to face to face, 2) address why he needs to make these females feel like family considering the type of friendship he has with them, and the 3) address why he needs to encourage females whom he has not met, whom he does not personally know, and whom he does not talk to face to face.

There has to be a reason why he feels the need to do this.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

spunkycat08 said:


> I would like him to 1) address why he needs to use terms of endearment to encourage females whom he has not met, whom he does not personally know, and whom he does not talk to face to face, 2) address why he needs to make these females feel like family considering the type of friendship he has with them, and the 3) address why he needs to encourage females whom he has not met, whom he does not personally know, and whom he does not talk to face to face.
> 
> *There has to be a reason why he feels the need to do this.*



Sometimes there is this twisted belief that you have to work harder for those on the outside / not yet committed than for those with whom you already feel secure. 

For example, the manager who is ready to pay more for a new hire than to raise the salary of an already loyal and competent employee.

when I discovered that my (now) fiance was more generous to his EA ( who was dating other men) than to me (who was faithful to him) I shuddered at the thought that he might have said, "well, I pay for her because I don't see her that often." He kind of came close to that but not quite. (That has all now changed for us.)

It's very knee jerk. Stop and ask yourself sometimes, when you are being generous with your friends in different ways and varying amounts, whether your relative level of generosity with each friend is consistent with what they "give back" to you. .... Or whether your levels of generosity to each one are somewhat "aspirational" .......

That is, at least, one possible explanation.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

spunkycat08 said:


> My husband understands how I feel about his using terms of endearment to encourage his female Facebook friends.
> 
> What I do not understand is this...
> 
> ...


Sounds like he's using an internet persona .

If he doesn't know these women in real life , then it can be that he's trying to create an impression.

And yes it's odd that he's chatting with these strange women online, unless of course , they are professionals. However given the fact that he's using these terms of endearment to them mean that they aren't .

Bottom line , he understand how you feel about it , and he should stop.


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