# Divorce, anxiety, and chest pains. Please help me.



## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

I'll cut straight to the point.

My wife and I have had issues for a couple years, and to make a long story short, she moved out in December 2012 on her own accord. I didn't want a divorce, but she did. It's been a long, hard road since then, but the divorce is finally happening this month.

All that to say, it has caused me a ton of stress, and back in June of this year, I woke up in the middle of the night with what I can only believe was a full-on panic attack. Heart was racing, hard to breathe, thought I was gonna die.

Since that day, things for me have never been the same. My pulse doesn't feel even, my heart starts beating faster than I know it should at times, once in a while I'll feel it flutter, but my main symptom is my freaking chest pain, that has been there since June, and all these months later, and has still not let up. It's there in a small amount when I am just sitting still, but it gets worse when I bend forward, or when I move certain ways. If it was something that just stuck around for a week or two - that would be one thing. Maybe an internal bruise or a really bad pulled muscle. But it's still there -all these months later. It does move around. It like to hang out right in the dead-center of my chest, but it usually moves over to the right hand side (away from my heart), but once in a while...it moves over to the left, but that's rare. 

Please keep in mind, *these are not anxiety attacks*. This is pain that is there all throughout the day, every day. It's there when I wake up, it's there when I go to sleep.

I've been to the doctor, and I've been to the ER three times. Every time, they find nothing. I've had 4 EKGs - all normal. I've had two heart stress tests on the treadmill - normal. I've three x-rays - all normal. Echocardiogram? Normal. I wore a heart monitor where I pressed a button on it whenever I felt anything strange. Everything came back normal.

I'm actually about to wear a heart monitor again - one that records all the time, because if that comes back clear - who can argue with that?

Divorce is the only thing (though it is huge and life changing for me) that could be considered "wrong" or "stress-inducing" in my life. 

I don't feel overly anxious! Stressed, sure, but I'm not having panic attacks. If this pain would just go away, I would feel so much better about myself.

I do have other symptoms of "anxiety" at times. Lump in the throat, shakiness, hard to swallow (or focusing on swallowing). But as I said, I just can't get this heaviness, tightness, and pain in my chest to go away - this pain is the main cause of my stress at this point! I may be sad, but not overly depressed - I know life will move forward after this divorce - so why all these chest pains?

Has anyone out there experienced anything like this, where almost all of your symptoms are physical, and not attributed to panic attacks? I've love to hear from you. I don't really, really think I'm gonna fall over and just die (I know that sounds like a super anxious statement), but I just can't seem to shake this pain.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

fromntos said:


> Please keep in mind, *these are not anxiety attacks*. This is pain that is there all throughout the day, every day. It's there when I wake up, it's there when I go to sleep.
> 
> I've been to the doctor, and I've been to the ER three times. Every time, they find nothing. I've had 4 EKGs - all normal. I've had two heart stress tests on the treadmill - normal. I've three x-rays - all normal. Echocardiogram? Normal. I wore a heart monitor where I pressed a button on it whenever I felt anything strange. Everything came back normal.
> 
> ...


The symptoms you describe are symptoms of stress and anxiety. Why the high desire to dismiss anxiety? You don't have to be consciously worried or anxious about something to have an anxiety attack or anxiety driven symptoms.

Think of it as simply nerves. The weight of pressure and psychological distress. Stress and anxiety do strange things to us.

I've personally seen worse. I've seen people who didn't think they had anxiety at all feel pressure in their chests, headaches, trouble breathing (when they were actually hyperventilating without knowing it), numbness, dry mouth, even feeling like they might black out. The more minor symptoms linger and the person feels constantly on edge. A friend of mine, before she went on lexipro, CONSTANTLY felt chest pressure and dry mouth and had ominous feelings that something was terribly wrong with her that nobody could diagnose.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

When it all first started for me I got anxiety attacks and didn't even realize it. 

I started getting heart palpitations quite frequently which stressed me out more and led to them happening more. It just would keep cycling.
I went to my doctor who said I was fine but because of stress and rapid weight loss I was getting palpitations. He put me on medication which worked for a while but I didn't like what it did to me. I stopped it and now take st John's wort 4 times a day. It does the trick.

Divorce and seperation puts a tremendous stress on us whether we are aware of it or not. See if treating stress or anxiety helps. It sounds like you've pretty much been cleared medically.


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## HLG1979 (Jun 21, 2013)

I have a similar chest pain that started this summer when my wife left and we are now permanently separated. It is more of a skeletal/tissue pain that I experience on the right side of my chest, literally right underneath my chest muscle. It is most pronounced in the mornings when I first wake up but throughout the day the soreness is constantly there. I have had EKG and x-ray done and all came back normal. I'm going to see a cardiovascular specialist this week. My primary doctor thinks it's skeletal/tissue bruise but I don't get how come it has been 4+ months and it still persists as well. Maybe it's from crying a lot? The constant pulling of the chest that caused this soreness?


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Could be. My entire body hurt for the first couple of months.


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

HLG1979 said:


> I have a similar chest pain that started this summer when my wife left and we are now permanently separated. It is more of a skeletal/tissue pain that I experience on the right side of my chest, literally right underneath my chest muscle. It is most pronounced in the mornings when I first wake up but throughout the day the soreness is constantly there. I have had EKG and x-ray done and all came back normal. I'm going to see a cardiovascular specialist this week. My primary doctor thinks it's skeletal/tissue bruise but I don't get how come it has been 4+ months and it still persists as well. Maybe it's from crying a lot? The constant pulling of the chest that caused this soreness?


I can relate to this. If feels like something literally has "torn" inside of me, thought the feeling of the tear moves around - which I understand makes no sense. Also, you're not alone with the 4+ months deal - that's exactly what has been going on with me since June. How can this pain just keep sitting there in my chest for months on end, and not get any better if there isn't something physically wrong?

More than anything in the world, I want to get better from this so I can help others who have experienced the same things.


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> The symptoms you describe are symptoms of stress and anxiety. Why the high desire to dismiss anxiety? You don't have to be consciously worried or anxious about something to have an anxiety attack or anxiety driven symptoms.
> 
> Think of it as simply nerves. The weight of pressure and psychological distress. Stress and anxiety do strange things to us.


I completely understand how stress and anxiety can get you in the cycle of always thinking that something is wrong. Why I want to dismiss the anxiety thought is that, even though I have wrestled with anxiety since all divorce, anxiety is an emotional/mental thing. Sure it has physical symptoms, but it all starts in the brain. I have days where I can completely fine mentally, not depressed, feeling like life is gonna be ok moving forward, but the chest pain is still there and kicking. I'm going to a chiropractor as well. So far, no such luck.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Do you doubt that a mental thing can manifest in a physical way? It can. If I were you I would take heart in the fact that your ticker has been checked out multiple times and has been declared okay. Then find a physical form of exercise that gets you breathing hard and sweating - something enjoyable. That will further prove to you that your heart is okay. In your current state you are obsessing over finding a physical issue that probably doesn't exist. That will just increase your anxiety.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Do you doubt that a mental thing can manifest in a physical way? It can. If I were you I would take heart in the fact that your ticker has been checked out multiple times and has been declared okay. Then find a physical form of exercise that gets you breathing hard and sweating - something enjoyable. That will further prove to you that your heart is okay. In your current state you are obsessing over finding a physical issue that probably doesn't exist. That will just increase your anxiety.


I have to second this. When you are going through a difficult time emotionally and/or psychologically, those problems have a tendency to manifest themselves in the form of physical symptoms, usually pain of some sort. Nearly every single comment on this thread has referenced it, specifically relating to the poster's separation/divorce. I've experienced similar symptoms as well.

You are going through one of the most stressful, traumatic events you will probably ever face in your life. Even if you don't feel like it is -- if you're not feeling it at all, like you say, then there's a good chance that you're still shell-shocked. I spent a good, long six months in shell-shock mode after my STBXH moved out. I thought I was doing great - and by all external accounts, I looked like I was OK - but physically, I felt like sh!t all the time. It wasn't until I started really dealing with the issues that 1) the shell-shock went away, and I began feeling real emotion again (as painful as that was), and 2) the physical symptoms started to go away.

If you're not going to IC, you need to go. If you are already in IC, you should to speak with your therapist about this, and ask about the possibility of some anti-anxiety meds.

Honestly, I find your determination to outright dismiss anxiety concerning. It tells me that you're looking for answers in the wrong places, and you're not really dealing with the issues that are at the root of your problems - personal, marital, or otherwise.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

fromntos said:


> I completely understand how stress and anxiety can get you in the cycle of always thinking that something is wrong. Why I want to dismiss the anxiety thought is that, even though I have wrestled with anxiety since all divorce, anxiety is an emotional/mental thing. Sure it has physical symptoms, but it all starts in the brain. I have days where I can completely fine mentally, not depressed, feeling like life is gonna be ok moving forward, but the chest pain is still there and kicking. I'm going to a chiropractor as well. So far, no such luck.


That's just it... as the victim, you wouldn't be able to differentiate a psychosomatic ailment from a real physical problem.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

You know? I think you might be interested in checking into a hyetal(?) hernia, acid reflux or something wrong with your back. Other things might be at play as well. 

Don't rule out stress and anxiety, either. They come out in different ways sometimes.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> You know? I think you might be interested in checking into a hyetal(?) hernia, acid reflux or something wrong with your back. Other things might be at play as well.
> 
> Don't rule out stress and anxiety, either. They come out in different ways sometimes.


The stress from all of this could bring on the acid reflux which can cause chest pains.


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

Thank you both for replying, honestly.

I have always enjoyed running - it's always been a stress reliever for me. Not marathons, but just a 3 or 4 mile jog. I was running up until August, until I didn't even feel good after running - my heart would just beat out of my chest. I went out for a run in August, and only a mile in, I had such stabbing pains in my chest, and you could see my heart through my skin, just throbbing and pulsing like crazy - it scared me to death. After that, I went back to the cardiologist and they didn't another treadmill stress test, and they said everything looked fine. I went out for a couple runs after that, and I felt ok. It's gotten cold though now in the past month, so running is out for the season, just like it has been every year around this time.

I'll also point out for chest pain, that I have a moderate case of Pectus excavatum, through you would think that through the x-rays, they would see if anything was leaning on my heart. I've had it my whole life, and it's never caused me any issues.

FeministInPink - I'm not outright dismissing anxiety - actually, I really want to believe that it IS anxiety. As much as I may be looking for a physical cure, I'm not numb to the fact that my heart has been checked out in numerous ways, and nothing can be found wrong with it. In normal circumstances, I would feel that I would be able to accept that, but it's so difficult when the pain is still there. I just keep thinking - "what else could it possibly me that they haven't found yet?" I'm not sure what an "IC" is, but I am talking to a therapist at the moment. I'm not sure anything has come of it so far, but I'm open to trying anything I can to feel better.

I'm not a fan of drugs - I hardly even take a pill when I have a headache, unless it's really killing me. But however, I'm opening up to more ideas, because I'm tired of feeling this way. I was given pretty small doses of Valium (which I took a couple times) and Clonazepam (which I took once), both to combat anxiety. I really don't want to go down that route, because they are both benzodiazepines, which are addictive and have withdrawl symptoms and all kinds of strange side effects even when you take them for a short while. 

I did just get a prescription for Zoloft, which is waiting at the drugstore for me to pick up. The woman that wrote the prescription for me told me that it wouldn't necessarily help with the chest pains, but that she thought it would be beneficial along with counseling. She actually wanted me to take the Zoloft WITH the Clonazepam (it has a muscle relaxant in it), but I'm not down with that. That class of drug doesn't seem safe to me.

My final divorce date is coming up in two weeks, and I'm really curious to see how I will feel after that date comes. I think a huge part of my stress is the fact that my "wife" has already moved on in a sense - she's living with another guy. I'm trying to be respectful and stick to my guns and morality and not even think about even going on a date until after this is all said and done. I have great friends, but I am anything but a "solo" person, so to live on my own in a empty house and feel like this has certainly intensified the issue. I speak out both sides of my mouth through, because on one hand, I am so concerned about this being a physical issue. On the other hand, I feel as though if I had someone in my life that I could love and care for, and they could do the same back to me, I'd doubt that these physical symptoms would be present. So see - I'm kind of a walking contradiction in that regard.

Also (to even further the thought that this is all anxiety), whenever I feel any of this stuff (chest pain, throat pain, twitches, racing heart, etc) - all I do is worry that something terrible may be happening. Walking around just waiting to fall over and die - that sounds exactly like anxiety, I know. But physically, physically - that's how I feel! I keep surviving, day to day, hoping for the pain to somehow go away and for things to change.

I appreciate SO MUCH you guys responding, and anyone else who would weigh in. This may sound selfish, but my wife had some issues, and I was always trying to take care of her as much as I could, and I was certainly neglected in the process. Take a blow to my male pride, but I'm trying to be taken care of here a little bit as well to get myself feeling better.


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> The stress from all of this could bring on the acid reflux which can cause chest pains.


The doctor thought about this, and I am actually on my third day of Prilosec OTC to see if that does anything. So far, no change.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

2ntnuf said:


> You know? I think you might be interested in checking into a hyetal(?) hernia, acid reflux or something wrong with your back. Other things might be at play as well.
> 
> Don't rule out stress and anxiety, either. They come out in different ways sometimes.


This was my thought too. I had some good chest pain going on, and went through the heart issue diagnosis. Ended up finding out I have a hiatal hernia. It was diagnosed through xray though, and he said he'd had those done. 

In my case, the solution was prescription antacids to begin with, and this whole incident was the driving force to lose weight and clean up my dietary act. Very much reduced drinking, healthier eating, etc. Within 6 months I lost 55 pounds, and was off the antacids within 9. But it sounds like the OP is in decent shape already... However, even now I have to reduce my drinking. If I have more than 3 drinks in an evening, it all comes back with a vengeance. Apparently the alcohol relaxes the pyloric valve (at the top of the stomach), which can cause the reflux. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jitterbug73 (Jun 24, 2013)

I have had a lot of your symptoms. I suffer from depression and anxiety and like you am against meds. I do take a very low dose of zoloft. I don,t know if it does anything though. Anyways, when you are under stress your subconscious is always stressing about something even when you don't realize it. It will cause you to take shorter breaths and you diaphram muscles will shorten, causing back, neck chest and shoulder pain. Sometimes I can push on a spot in my back and feel it in my chest. I have been to the chiro, doctors, and physical therapy. It never completely goes away but stretching and sitting in a massage chair has helped. A few years back my pain was getting so bad I didn't want to go anywhere or even eat. I had crystals forming in my muscles from being constantly knotted and my muscles were pulling on my ribs. I had started planning my suicide. God must have stepped in because during this time I became pregnant. Aftercontinously losing weighgt the first couple months, I decided that I had to try mybest to get healthyand deliver a healthy baby. I still didn't know what my plans would be after the delivery though. Long story short lots of time in the massage chair, stretching, deep breathing and the chiropractor I delivered a health 8 pound girl. I am doing much better and she just turned 4.


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## Sincererlytrying (Oct 31, 2012)

You are having anxiety. It's normal in your situation. I had it for several months. Until I moved out, got treated and started sleeping again it kept recurring. For a while the only thing that made the chest pain go away was intense exercise. It still comes back when things get stressful. See your doctor. SSRI's are great


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## Kerosene Hat (Nov 12, 2013)

My wife told me on Thursday that she wants divorce. I went to our normal place for running on Sunday and my chest seized up on the way there as I thought about the times we shared, how she'd drive us there, etc. I have no doubt about the ability of the body to manifest emotional anguish as physical pain.


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