# Agnostic with Children and My Wife Hates It...



## RunFromYourWife

I don't want to get too much into my spiritual beliefs, but all I will say is it is not conventional Judeo-Christian-Islamic in nature. My wife and I hold somewhat "traditional" beliefs from a spiritual perspective, but that is as definitive as I will get on that. At the same time, it bothers my wife that I do not subscribe to any hardcoded religion or spiritual system. I sense that she doesn't care what I practice, but as long as it is something. However, I just go through the motions for her. She wants to bring our children up rooted in some religion, while I see it as totally unnecessary and may even be limiting to their intellectual growth.

Can your spouse be Agnostic on Religion/Spirituality when raising children? Is there something wrong with it?


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## Mavash.

What does religion have to do with intellectual growth?


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## dormant

I am an athiest. Even so, I exposed my sons to religon eary in their life. I took them to the church I was required to attend while growing up.

Religon is a topic that is as personal and unique are we are individuals. I say give them the opportunity to decide for themselves what they want to believe.


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## RunFromYourWife

Mavash. said:


> What does religion have to do with intellectual growth?


I think that any dogmatic restrictions on a person puts arbitrary boundaries on that person's thought process. I would prefer to expose them to all religions and spiritual systems, essentially a well-rounded social education, and let them decide what they want to believe when they become adults rather than branding them (like cattle) when they are young.


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## RunFromYourWife

dormant said:


> I am an athiest. Even so, I exposed my sons to religon eary in their life. I took them to the church I was required to attend while growing up.
> 
> Religon is a topic that is as personal and unique are we are individuals. I say give them the opportunity to decide for themselves what they want to believe.


If you are an Atheist, then why would you take them to Church regularly? I can see taking them a few times, but why regularly? Just curious of your perspective...


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## dormant

I didn't say how much I took them.


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## Mavash.

For the record I'm spiritual, believe in god but am against organized religion.

If my husband wants to take them to church I don't have a problem with it as long as he doesn't force them. Like any other after school activity I believe they have the right to choose. I talk about god because thats who I am but not in an in your face kind of way more of a higher power kind of way.

They also are free to not believe. A lame example but just because I like broccoli doesn't mean I expect them too. Make sense?


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## diwali123

There's nothing wrong with it.
I have known too many people who were raised without any religion who ended up being complete freaks about religion as adults. 
Kids need to rebel against something in their early 20's. If you push too hard in either direction they will rebel. 
I say expose to some liberal kind of religion that isn't dogmatic so they get exposed to the basics, have a reference for how it fits into our culture and then they can make up their minds. 
If you want them to learn about a lot of different religions try going to a unitarian church.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

I have known families where one parent took the child to church every Sabbath (Saturday/Sunday, take your pick) and the other parent never attended.

I have known families where both parents took the child to church every Sabbath.

I have known someone whose parents never attended church.

The one whose parents never attended church is now (in her 3rd marriage) a Holy Roller.

The ones whose parents attended every Sabbath, some go to church regularly, some never attend. Ditto for the ones where only ONE parent went.

As long as the parents are not INSULTING of each other's beliefs, there should be no problem. Your wife is free to take your child to church and you will not complain. If Junior does not WANT to attend church, he should stay home with you and she should not complain. Ask her if YOUR lack of 'traditional churching' has made YOU a bad/immoral/untrustworthy person; if not, why should it make your child one?

PS: Knew a family where the father was Jewish and the mother was Christian. One Easter Sunday I saw the father at church ALONE with the kids. The mother couldn't make it (ill? working? family emergency?) so *HE* took them to *HER* church because he knew it was an important day for her/them. I thought he ROCKED!


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## PieceOfSky

RunFromYourWife said:


> I think that any dogmatic restrictions on a person puts arbitrary boundaries on that person's thought process. I would prefer to expose them to all religions and spiritual systems, essentially a well-rounded social education, and let them decide what they want to believe when they become adults rather than branding them (like cattle) when they are young.


I very much have wanted to enable my children to decide for themselves, when they are older.

When they were very young, I winced (quietly at home) at the thought of grandparents trying to indoctrinate them behind my wife and I's backs. So, I gave them very little opportunity to do so.

Yet, I have told them anything they have wanted to know about religion, and have (sincerely I think) offered to take them to church if they would like.

After awhile (they are 10 -14 now), I stopped worrying about them being in appropriately proselytized by my extended family. They've been allowed to go to church with them, and various kids programs, but they didn't like it.

Had my wife been religious, it would have been a touchy situation, I'm sure. But, as long as one parent holds clearly and strongly to the view you have, I think it would be hard for anyone to subvert that.

As for the notion kids need a religion growing up to develop healthy minds and morals, I think my kids have turned out well - they are beautiful kind souls. Even their fundamentalist grandparents would agree with that.

And like some other posters, I've seen many types of people come from many sorts of upbringing. Some of my favorite people in my life are atheists, some agnostic, and some sincerely live a life full of faith. Whatever works for folks is fine with me.


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## SimplyAmorous

Me & my husband used to go to Church...kids in toe.... we quit going for the most part... but since the teens established a # of good friends there....they still want to go to their youth group....I would never dissuade them...as I can't deny these teens and the leaders have been a great influence on their lives...

I wouldn't frown on anything taught in the School either... I want them to take it ALL IN...not be ignorant or shielded on what goes on in today's world......but always with a firm foundation in Reason & Responsibility along with the "The Golden Rule"...which pretty much ALL religions share... so they can make up their own minds....they know they can freely talk to us about anything. 

I just tell our kids...if they turn into a "Fundamentalist"... I will throw them out of our house. 

I've seen too many parents with overly strict religious rules, shaming their kids & many start hiding and rebelling...on the one hand...and on the other... with zero direction or compass, everything permissible ...morality all relative... this too could bite them down the road...


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