# Don't know what to do.



## OhSoConfused (Mar 18, 2013)

I don't know what to do. Here's a little background information. My husband wanted me to text some guys to spice up our life, (I would text them, then tell him about it and it would turn him on). Meanwhile, my husband and I were having trouble and I used a prepaid phone to call an attorney. We were fighting all the time and I just wanted to know what my options were. Well, I used the prepaid phone to text these other guys my husband knew I was texting and wanted me to text. Well, it turns out that it was actually my husband pretending to be these other guys using another prepaid phone that I didn't know about.

So, I get home and he demands to know why I had the phone and what I was hiding from him. I laid it all out there - unhappy, fighting all the time, looking at options for divorce or reconciliation or whatever. He kept on and on accusing me of sleeping with other people. This went on for at least three or four hours, and he was growing irate. Finally, I just said "fine. I slept with everyone you ever accused me of sleeping with. I slept with this guy, that guy, messed around while I was out of town on business, met people off Craigslist...everything." I never did any of this stuff.

The next day, after things calmed down, I told him I made it all up. He grew IRATE. Accused me of lying. Finally, he got a tape recorder and told me that if I didn't say everything I told him the night before on tape, he would leave and take the baby and make me pay child support. He said if I said all this on tape, he'd go to marriage counseling, we'd get through this and be okay. So, I said it all on the tape.

Well, I have been living this lie. I never cheated, never even wanted to. Now, if I dont meet his every demand, he throws that tape up in my face. "If you don't do this, I'll take that tape to a judge and you will never see your kid." "If you don't do that, I'll go beat this guy up, then use the tape to get out of getting in trouble." He made me sign a post-nup, which gives all t he assets to him, even though all the debt for the assets is in my name. When I don't text him back at work, he drives up to make sure I'm still there. I have a tracker on my car. He informed me that he always thought I was "that way" but just never had proof. He also threatens to put dirty pictures of me on the internet if I do leave and don't give him what he wants. (Which would be everything, and the baby...which is NOT happening...)

But then, there are times when things are good. We get along, and seem to be working it out. I am going to a therapist and she says that I am being emotionally abused. She says he's a sociopath and narcissist. Sometimes I feel like I'm the bad guy because I lied. But, I felt forced into it - it was like either tell him what he wants to hear or argue for hours and hours. He wouldn't let me leave. He said if I left (I wanted to go for a drive) that he would change the locks and not let me back in.

So what do I do? Continue living the lie and building back the trust (ironic, huh), walk away and take the baby leaving all the assets behind, or fight like mad. This is just a bad situation and I feel like it's all my fault. Any suggestions? :scratchhead:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Talk to a lawyer. Statements made under duress are of limited value in a court case. Try using a VAR to catch his blackmail in action

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

OhSoConfused said:


> I don't know what to do. Here's a little background information. My husband wanted me to text some guys to spice up our life, (I would text them, then tell him about it and it would turn him on). Meanwhile, my husband and I were having trouble and I used a prepaid phone to call an attorney. We were fighting all the time and I just wanted to know what my options were. Well, I used the prepaid phone to text these other guys my husband knew I was texting and wanted me to text. Well, it turns out that it was actually my husband pretending to be these other guys using another prepaid phone that I didn't know about.
> 
> So, I get home and he demands to know why I had the phone and what I was hiding from him. I laid it all out there - unhappy, fighting all the time, looking at options for divorce or reconciliation or whatever. He kept on and on accusing me of sleeping with other people. This went on for at least three or four hours, and he was growing irate. Finally, I just said "fine. I slept with everyone you ever accused me of sleeping with. I slept with this guy, that guy, messed around while I was out of town on business, met people off Craigslist...everything." I never did any of this stuff.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry - how was he going to take the baby away from you? How is he able to convince you that the law would allow a man to take a baby from a woman?

And please, please tell me, how do you put yourself in this sort of situation where another person bullies you into admitting something you never did becase "He was irate".

You need to take responsibility for your actions. You did this because you didn't want to fight. You blinked, you bailed, you gave up. You need to sort this stuff out, go for IC. Not MC mind you, IC. I'm of the opinion here that you're not just the victim, but you enable and validate this sort of behaviour. You need to fix yourself before you could get any chance of fixing your marriage


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## alphabrovo (Mar 21, 2013)

sounds to me like all he wanted is leverage and now he has it, he can not just take your child the rights of both parents are guaranteed unless one can prove abuse, as for the tape my suggestion is a tell your lawyer about it so he can be prepared, and two next time he pulls it out on you watch where he puts it and take it, if its looked up you can use an strong electro magnet to erase it (some home depots rent them for tool recovery and roofer clean ups.) I am not sure how close to the boarder of another state you live but if he takes the baby over state lines with out your permission it may be illegal depending on the states laws so you could use that to your advantage if you tell the police that you are afraid he is running with the child. Bottom line is get out fast find a place find a friend or relative get and file with the courts you every state has places for women to go with there kids while things are figured out. Also depending on your state laws tape his conversations with you. Every threat every yell every detail but stay calm and quite be polite even when he is at is worst be at your best easier said than done but it will help with any court battles to come.


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