# Having a seriously bad morning



## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

Okay, the W just called and said that she is coming up today. We are working on a project and she wants to watch a movie with me today. Her idea. I am in a serious funk right now. I try to keep strong, but I just want her back so badly that it hurts to keep up the happy exterior. I am on the verge of tears and that knot in my stomach it back at full force. Everyone I know wants to see us back together it seems, except her, but I don't know if this is an overture to the reconciliation or to the end. I have to have "the talk" with her today, but I don't want to. I just want to hold her in my arms and make everything ok again. I will be spending most of the day with her and I don't know if I have the strength to keep it together. I just want to cry and beg her to come back. I know that is the wrong way, but it is just the way I feel. I am lost in the woods right now and I don't know which way to turn.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Do what is best for YOU ;o) if you need to spend some time with your W and she is willing go ahead. There are no rule breaker police that I am aware of...and if you get arrested I got five dollars on your bail. Who know what moves a person to reignite the flame of love ;o)


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Some of your stories really confuse me. Why does she want to watch a movie with you? That's a seriously conflicting message.


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## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

Staircase,

I know. I have talked with my boss and a couple of my coworkers (all women) and they all think it is odd as well. She brought up the idea of watching the movie to me. This is after one of her big complaints in our marriage was I spent too much time watching tv. I really don't know what this is right now. I know that when all is said and done she will go right back home and I will be alone again tonight. I really hope not, but I know that is what will happen. I am planning to make her lunch when she is here. Grilled steaks (one of her favorite meals), but I don't know if that will come off as too desperate. 

The conflicting messages have been there for the last few weeks. She never says the D word, but hints at little things about it. Now we are spending the day together (more time than I have spent with her since she packed up her clothes and left. I know the main reason she is coming is to help with a project I am working on, but the movie thing just threw me for a loop. I am so confused.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Just don't let yourself get hurt, ok? That sounds like a recipe for a disaster for you if you get your hopes up for nothing. I guess I'm really cynical these days.


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## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

It's okay to be cynical. I think sometimes I would be happier if I were that way, but I can't get there yet. Thanks for all of your support in this. You and everyone on the board. I know that we had our issues in the M, but it doesn't seem to me like something that can't be fixed. I just don't know that she is willing to fix it. She said when she left that she didn't have the strength to work on the relationship anymore, but that was her alone and not us together. With me working on me and us at the same time I just don't know where we could go wrong. It just hurts sooooo bad right now. She should be here within the hour and I am trying to buoy myself up for the day, but I can't get these things out of my head. Wish I were more help to everyone here like you all have been to me. Feels kind of selfish always talking about myself.


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## TheRelationshpSupermarket (Feb 21, 2010)

I'm sorry to say, but she seems very selfish. She must know how you feel, yet she wants to spend time with you to make it even worse for you.
This can mean either of two things. 1. She's not sure about how _she_ feels and want to spend time with you to properly decide. 2. She doesn't care that it hurts you, she just doesn't want to be on her own and you're the only person who'll agree to spend time with her.

If it's number 1, then you really need to tell her how this makes you feel. If she definitely doesn't want to get back with you, she needs to keep her distance because she's just rubbing salt in your old wound. 
If she's ever cared for you, she has to realise how painful this is for you.

You're right to have that talk. It's time to get your feelings out in the open and see where it goes from there. If the answer is no, it will shorten your time of grief and give you a closed door to walk away from.

Just do it.


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

dante said:


> Wish I were more help to everyone here like you all have been to me. Feels kind of selfish always talking about myself.


 Your are not being selfish. We are all here for the same reason. For support and advise. We all are going through something that takes its toll on us and being able to come here and talk about our issues and frustrastions is a great form of support and therapy in a way.


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## wemogirl (May 31, 2011)

chaffy said:


> Your are not being selfish. We are all here for the same reason. For support and advise. We all are going through something that takes its toll on us and being able to come here and talk about our issues and frustrastions is a great form of support and therapy in a way.


:iagree:

Plus, you never know who may be reading these posts who needs this advice as much as you do or is just glad to hear there's someone else going through the same thing.

I hope all goes well today, dante. I'd hate for you to get hurt even more.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

same for me Dante -- conflicting messages I've been given. But one thing I can really vouch for is find the right TIMING.. I almost had him back on the first week, because I hit the proper chords and we are seem to be on the beat to get back to us.. He was saying, "I missed you so much, and he began kissing and hugging me, on the verge of tears" but then he stopped saying "Can't deal with this right NOW, not right now, please...." I blew that chance!!

So, ask for divine guidance, if you are religious, or your deepest instincts, otherwise, whether you feel like this is the right to do the "TALK".


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

Maybe you should tell her how it feels when she sends conflicting messages. She might not really be aware of what she is doing


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## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

Well it's over and she is gone. We talked for about 3 hours and she has given up all hope of reconciliation. She has made up her mind and that is that. We didn't leave on a good note. Never fought, but it looked like all of the life drained out of her when she was leaving. Said our house isn't home anymore. Now her home is 50 miles away and she is never going to come back (except to get her stuff). Guess she just wanted to remain friends. What a load of horse sh*t. Still not angry, just tired and emotionally drained. Told her I would give her time and that I still had hope, but she said that the hope was for someone else in my life and not her. I am so tired of all of this. Don't know what to do next. I got the I care about you and don't want to hurt you speech. Almost wish she was angry, but she is not. I guess the opposite of love is indifference. What to do next is the big question. Two months of my life down the crapper with nothing to show for it. Why do we even bother. Sorry this is such a downer, but that is just how I feel right now. No hope, no joy, just pain and exhaustion.


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## angelstarnash8567 (Jun 3, 2011)

Hey, 

I dont know if I know the whole story on your background. I think you and her just make sure keep the space between yall. Maybe a chat on the phone a little but thats it. If you feel the connection and you know her enough that she is just putting a wall up. I dont know how to explain it, you should know you know what I mean. Anyways just tell her if she want to come over tell her no. Just give it time. It has to be a year separation before the divorce can be finally, right? So you never know. I am going through about the same thing other than we are living under the same roof. But he works alot so it doesnt matter. I dont know your religion. I am trying everyday to give everything to God. Thats what you need do.


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## wemogirl (May 31, 2011)

dante said:


> Well it's over and she is gone. We talked for about 3 hours and she has given up all hope of reconciliation. She has made up her mind and that is that. We didn't leave on a good note. Never fought, but it looked like all of the life drained out of her when she was leaving. Said our house isn't home anymore. Now her home is 50 miles away and she is never going to come back (except to get her stuff). Guess she just wanted to remain friends. What a load of horse sh*t. Still not angry, just tired and emotionally drained. Told her I would give her time and that I still had hope, but she said that the hope was for someone else in my life and not her. I am so tired of all of this. Don't know what to do next. I got the I care about you and don't want to hurt you speech. Almost wish she was angry, but she is not. I guess the opposite of love is indifference. What to do next is the big question. Two months of my life down the crapper with nothing to show for it. Why do we even bother. Sorry this is such a downer, but that is just how I feel right now. No hope, no joy, just pain and exhaustion.


dante, I'm so sorry. I know she says she isn't going to move back but would she be willing to make the marriage work where she is? Could you move to her (or at least closer to where she wants to be)?

And I don't think you've wasted the last 2 months based on what you've said previously. You've worked out other relationships and gotten on the road to a healthier lifestyle - both of those things are positives.

Do you think she's seeing someone else? ((hugs))


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

dante, <hugs!!>


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