# More sex



## cucumber (Jul 10, 2014)

My husband wants more sex. I am in my 60's and he is in his 50's.
He is constantly wanting more sex. I am happy with a few times a month. I love him and want to be near him just not in that way all the time. Please help!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening cucumber
Does he please you in bed? Is sex good when it happens, and you just want it less frequently, or is it not much fun when you do?




cucumber said:


> My husband wants more sex. I am in my 60's and he is in his 50's.
> He is constantly wanting more sex. I am happy with a few times a month. I love him and want to be near him just not in that way all the time. Please help!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How long have you been married? Is this a recent change? Have you talked to him? And can you define "a few times"?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Is he meeting your non-sexual intimacy needs? If not, then would it make a difference if he did try, in your willingness to meet his sexual needs? Is your relationship good other than this issue?


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## rubymoon (Jul 21, 2014)

How hard is it to spend 15-20 mins dating something your husband wants? Even if it's now something you'd rather do. Really...


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

cucumber said:


> My husband wants more sex. I am in my 60's and he is in his 50's.
> He is constantly wanting more sex. I am happy with a few times a month. I love him and want to be near him just not in that way all the time. Please help!


There's an easy fix here somewhere... If only I could put my finger on it...


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Cool. Let him go, be nice and set him free. 

There's someone better than you who can meet his needs and maybe you can find someone who's cool with duty sex. 

Imagine a man who desires you and wants you to be the focus of his sexual desires.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

I wish I had your "problem". It feels good to be wanted and you are lucky your husband wants to be with you sexually a lot. I suggest you compromise with him. Say he wants sex 3 times a week, you want sex once a week, so have sex twice a week. Instead of marrying someone younger than you maybe you should have married someone older than you, who might be more on your schedule.


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## GinnyTonia (Jul 31, 2012)

U.E. McGill said:


> There's someone *better than you* who can meet his needs and maybe you can find someone who's cool with duty sex.



She's here trying to find a way to meet his needs. This is mean-spirited IMO. 


OP: Are you attracted to him? Can you nurture that attraction? Do you enjoy sex with him? Are you interested in increasing your desire? How are your hormones? 


I have to agree with the (non sarcastic) comments that having someone desire you like your husband does is a blessing. Conversely, having the desire without reciprocity is a special kind of torture that I wouldn't wish on anyone.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

GinnyTonia said:


> She's here trying to find a way to meet his needs. This is mean-spirited IMO.
> 
> 
> OP: Are you attracted to him? Can you nurture that attraction? Do you enjoy sex with him? Are you interested in increasing your desire? How are your hormones?
> ...



100% serious. I'm sick of this argument where people are off-put by the one thing that separates marriage from the outside world, uninhibited intimacy. 

Give your husband what he needs or set him free. 

I'm just as sick of men who stand for it.


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## GinnyTonia (Jul 31, 2012)

U.E. McGill said:


> 100% serious. I'm sick of this argument where people are off-put by the one thing that separates marriage from the outside world, uninhibited intimacy.
> 
> Give your husband what he needs or set him free.
> 
> I'm just as sick of men who stand for it.



I guess I assumed that she is here to figure out how to give him what he needs. But maybe she is looking for a way out of it, which I completely agree is unacceptable. 

OP, what say you?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

cucumber said:


> My husband wants more sex. I am in my 60's and he is in his 50's.
> He is constantly wanting more sex. I am happy with a few times a month. I love him and want to be near him just not in that way all the time. Please help!


Can I ask why YOU don't want more sex with your beloved? Sex should be the ultimate form of intimacy. Do you have medical issues?


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## RichieBanks (Jul 4, 2014)

My wife has made it clear that sex isn't important to her anymore. She does, however, want intimacy. 

It's been well over two years since we've had intercourse.

I tried to accommodate her and have intimacy without intercourse but it was just too frustrating for me so I've quit.

I can't imagine never having intercourse again yet I can't imagine ever having it with her again either.

Getting older sure sucks! Oh wait..., that might be the answer? LOL! Naw, she doesn't like that either anymore.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

RichieBanks said:


> My wife has made it clear that sex isn't important to her anymore. She does, however, want intimacy.
> 
> It's been well over two years since we've had intercourse.
> 
> ...


Oh gosh, does your wife give you a reason? Do you think you should withhold her intimacy until you get your needs met?:scratchhead:


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Hmmm, 1 post, gone cold since being on here, I suspect troll.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

there are a lot of threads on here of women who objected to a healthy sex life, and ended up divorced late in life. If I were you, I would be figuring out a way to keep him very happy.

Not all sex has to involve PIV. there are tons of other methods that are probably acceptable to him. But you have to be a bit more enthusiastic about it. Initiate the sex once in a while. Do all YOU can for yourself to raise your libido.

Some women really respond well to hormone treatments to keep the libido up high.

Find a very good lubricant too so that sex is pleasurable for you.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I don't think it happens very often where both spouses are equally matched in the frequency field. 

There are some couples who are perfectly happy having sex maybe once a month. 'Officially' this would put them in the sexless marriage bracket...but if they are BOTH happy with once a month where's the problem?

The problems arise when one spouse wants it say twice a week and the other once a month. A compromise then needs to be reached with both 'giving way' and agreeing on, say, once a week.

Marriage is all about give and take, compromise, meeting in the middle. Call it what you will.
Resentment and ill feeling starts creeping in when one partner refuses to accommodate the others needs or atleast tries to.

In marriage you are supposed to look after each other...that doesn't just mean helping with the chores etc it means looking after each others sexual needs.

When you sign an employment contract you are accepting the whole package; the long hours, shifts etc etc AND the good things like the salary, company medical scheme etc. You can't just accept the car and medical scheme!
Same in marriage. You accept the whole package - including the sex.


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## RichieBanks (Jul 4, 2014)

over20 said:


> Oh gosh, does your wife give you a reason? Do you think you should withhold her intimacy until you get your needs met?:scratchhead:


She seems to be happy to rest on her laurels, so to speak. She often recalls how much sex we used to have and says that she's happy with those memories.

Now she does have a lubrication/pain issue but says she doesn't need to discuss it with our doctor because she's fine without intercourse now.

The only intimacy we now share is a morning kiss and hug each day. And, just for her, I will still hold her hand in public now and then.

The real problem for me is that I'm loving her less and less. And it seems that we disagree on more and more things all the time.

We've been married too long to consider not being married but I see us drifting further and further apart. I now look forward to the two weeks a year that she's away. She and her sister do a Disney resort one week every Dec and she goes to NC (we live in FL) to visit her sister and family one week a year. That week is next week and I'm excited to have the time without her here.

I think our next step might be separate beds or even separate bedrooms. And, honestly, I wouldn't mind separate homes.

I almost chuckled the last health physical I had. The doctor had a new set of 'wellness' questions. One was are you happy and the other was are you depressed. I lied on both.


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## scientia (Aug 27, 2012)

U.E. McGill said:


> I'm sick of this argument where people are off-put by the one thing that separates marriage from the outside world, uninhibited intimacy.


What then separates marriage from a one-night-stand? Or is there more than one thing?


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

The OP disappeared.


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