# To contact or not to contact?



## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

While this question itself is rather straight forward, I'm not sure if it's necessary in my situation. After reading Arnold's thread "I will never understand...", I have been rethinking the whole idea. I will try to keep the background short so as not to repost, so ask any questions you need for clarity. 

Husband had numerous Ea's, and possibly four Pa's. I have outed one Ea, the only one who I had contact info on at the time. I have no contact info on two of the pa's, however, I have found contact info on the other two:

1) his exgf who says she was sleeping with him, she did this anonymously so I really have no proof and he denies everything other than talking to her. I have found her father on fb. 
2) an ex co-worker who is @ 15 years his junior, he would go and meet her at a local bar on the nights they have topples bull-riding and drive her home after, staying out until 4 am, a minimum of 3 times that I woke up. I think I can find her on fb also, not too sure right now.

Our divorce was finalized 3 months ago, would it not be prudent to just walk away at this point. I just don't want to be opening my wounds, or coming off as bitter when I am doing my best to heal.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

I guess a better and more accurate way to ask my question is: Is there a time limit or time frame for exposing affairs?


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

What do you want to get in return for outing them?

Will those re-open, or keep open longer, the wounds from your failed marriage?

Given a choice, would you rather go with friends to a movie that makes you laugh, or spend time and mental energy on outing his past APs?

I honestly don't know the best answer for you, or anyone else. These are just my thoughts. I'm not on his side.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

I really don't expect or want to get anything from this whole thing. Just trying to take my own advice on exposing as a form of consequence.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You are already divorced, right? So...what consequence would he be receiving exactly?

I'd just walk away from this dooshbag....


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Yes were divorced. Not so much consequences for him, but for her, she knew we were married yet she pursued him through MSN and FB over the years. She would hang out at her brothers house whenever he was there, to the point her family began questioning their relationship. Her father knows my exh well and they are still friends on FB so it would be easy to msg him. I have held nothing back in exposing my exh to our friends and family, in all fairness shouldn't she partake in some of this exposure?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Walk away and be the better person. He's part of your past, leave him there along with her. Move on and start your life with a clean slate.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

If you feel that this is something that you have to do for closure, then by all means go for it. You have nothing to lose.
If you just want to be mean to your ex with it, rise above and let it go.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

cheatinghubby said:


> Walk away and be the better person. He's part of your past, leave him there along with her. Move on and start your life with a clean slate.


:iagree:


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

I had previously tried exposure on her but I couldn't get any info at the time. I think I'll just leave it up to the Karma bus, unless the situation changes, I just hope it will be along shortly.

Ty for all the input.


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## 52flower (Mar 4, 2011)

I agree with the "let it go and rise above it" opinion but every once in a while I wonder too. We are divorced now but a few years ago my exH had an EA/PA with our realtor who sold our vacation home & helped us buy a bigger one. She stayed in our town home (with him coming & going) for 9 months & never paid a dime. I didn't even know she had moved in for the first 6 months. I wish I contacted her boss. I hope she doesn't still sleep/live with her clients, especially in an affair situation.


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