# Dealing with an irresponsible buddy parent



## bbdad23 (Dec 30, 2008)

I am fed up with dealing with my piece of sh*t ex wife and her parenting skills or lack of them. Let's start out with a little history about my ex-wife. We have been married since 2000 and we have two boys, 8 and 14. She had an affair in 2004 for about a year. She was never home. She was running around staying out until 3 or 4 in the morning 3-4 nights per week, sleeping with every swinging d*ck in the city. I stayed home with the kids and started preparing to divorce her. She had a come to Jesus moment and asked for forgiveness and we reconciled because I had this theory that it was best for the kids. Then in January I found out she was having another affair. I monitored her for several months while I was filing for divorce and giving her enough rope to hang herself. We went to court for temp orders and we presented damaging evidence that showed that she was spending an average of 18 days out of the months of January, Feb, and March out of house and I had the kids all those times. I had evidence of her lying the kids about her leaving town for business but she was really renting a hotel room in the city to be with her out of town boyfriend. 

The judge, a female judge I might add, reviewed the evidence and was really disgusted with the ex wife. They judge ripped on her for almost 30 minutes and finally handed down shared custody of the kids (i had residencial custody) along with me having the family home. SHe demanded the ex wife to pay me child support and all my health insurance due to the fact that because of her, I needed pychiatric help and anti-depressants. 

We posponed filling the final divorce papers to give "mom" the chance to do the right thing and step up and be a mother. SO time has gone by and not I am dealing with the "BUDDY" parent. THe teenager recently has been having trouble in school because of his lack of discipline and failing some classes. We warned him if he gets bad grades that he would be grounded. Well, he got some bad grades and the ex and I set down with him and laid out his punishment. But she has behind my back, let him out of his grounding that she agreed to by letting him have a friend over. Then when I find out that he had a friend over, I ask him why he lied to me and he said that his mom told him not to tell me and to lie to me about it. This has happened on more than one occassion and now I find him going behind my back and asking his mother to do things even after I tell him no. 

She is driving a wedge in my relationship with my son because I feel she is trying to make him like her more. SHe is telling him to lie to me. Not own up to any responsibility or consequences. Being a buddy instead of a friend. I am always the one that disciplines him and stays with the agreed discipline. I feel he will just want to be with her all the time because she is the parent that will let him do what ever. I am frustrated because where in the hell was she all those times when I was at home with the kids? DO I take her back to court and get full custody? WIll a judge even care that she is telling him to lie to me? Seems like all the values and responbilities I try to instill in my kids are wiped clean when they go to her house for the week


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Don't have any advice but my ex has done the same 'buddy' thing with my eldest...he is 19 now and it was a nightmare his high school years since he was living with me but would not follow any rules and became very verbally and physically violent when I put my foot down. Needless to say, his dad backed him up all the way so when he turned 18 he moved in with him....lasted a month until dad told him 'no' and he lost it....they threw him out and his dad said 'sorry, if I weren't married I would let you stay here but xxxxx will not have it'....so now his 2nd wife is the 'bad guy'...it's crazy.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that now he's been on his own and wanting to go to university full-time in the fall, so he has been very respectful to me and asking for my advice, etc...I think he's beginning to see (in hindsight) that everything I did was out of love for him.

I was more worried about going to court (he has also been very bad w/child support) because he is so immature that he will tell the kids I want to put him in jail, etc...it just won't end so I try to let it go.


----------

