# female 48 years old and lost my sex drive?



## 4821

Anyone else that is female adult that has a sex drive all their live and lost it? I mean I have no desire. I have lost desire for other things too. 

I have never lost my sex drive before that is so completely gone. I am married and we both are sexy, healthly, and attractive adults. so thinking outside the bos - I think about other men or even women as a stretch - and still have no sex drive at all. No fantastes about anything either.

What happened to me? Any females have advice?


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## ClipClop

How long has it been gone? Mine comes and goes at this age, but so far it always returns and with a vengeance! Maybe you'll bounce back. Try not to dwell on it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4821

Thanks. I am hoping it comes back with a veneance.


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## 4821

It has been about eight months. I had maybe two times since that I was a little bit interested, but not with a vengeance.


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## SimplyAmorous

4821 said:


> I think about other men or even women as a stretch - and still have no sex drive at all. No fantastes about anything either.


I do not understand this comment, you ARE thinking about other men/women -then you say you have no fantasies?

Have you tried reading a steamy romance, does this move you at all?

How about Romantic Movie with some erotic scenes-- nothing?


I think all men wish they could come out with a lust pill for women. I do feel it starts in the brain, but you need to have the right ****tail of hormones to allow it to do its magic, then be aroused by your husband or book, film, whatever. 

Hormones, Sexuality, and Life— How Do Lust and Love Change With Age? — OBG Management


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## Greyrain

I'm a bit older than you (52) but I've lost my sex drive/desire as well. It's been getting worse and worse for about a year, to the point where I actually dread sex with my husband. I thought initially it was because we were having some issues, but in the past I've always been able to look beyond those issues. 

My husband wants sex a lot ... in fact, he'd like it daily if he could get me to agree. Mostly I just give him a bj to get it over with, and then I feel miserable. 

I don't have any answers, but I'm sure open to ideas.


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## Greyrain

I didn't say I'd lost interest in other things, however I am currently being treated for depression. My husband is well aware of my depression and treatment, yet he never brings it up. He doesn't ask how I'm feeling, doesn't show any interest in it at all. Frankly the only thing he seems interested in is himself and sex.


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## aug

Take up some sport programs. Exercise. Join a gym and build up your muscle mass. Get buff.

Wean yourself off the medication for depression. Loss of libido is a side-effect of antidepressants. Go see a compassionate doctor to help you get off the medication -- you'll need to shop around till you find one that does not believe in sedating you via pills.

Get some individual counseling to find and deal with your source of depression. It may be medically related. Then find a skillful doctor that can help pinpoint the source.

There are more suggestions but these should do for now.


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## Runs like Dog

Why are you hoping it comes back? Many wives would be thrilled to be in your position as long as their husband went along.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020

My W is 49, she lost hers a couple years ago. HRT has helped a LOT. A LOT. Including testosterone. 




4821 said:


> It has been about eight months. I had maybe two times since that I was a little bit interested, but not with a vengeance.


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## TwoDogs

Yup, I went from having a sex drive that was higher than the average male's (at least males over the age of 22, lol) to nothing, as a result of menopause.

No interest, no thoughts, no fantasies, no drive, no sexual response -- it was like someone snipped a critical wire somewhere in me. I couldn't believe it would ever happen like that to me, figured I'd be the Energizer Bunny forever.

My family doc reluctantly prescribed estrogen replacement for me but drew the line at testosterone replacement, which seems to be what I need at this point.


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## okeydokie

while i am sympathetic to your situation, that is it is apparent that your body has changed and basically you have shut down sexually, what is it any of you expect your husbands to do?

i would think that sitting around helplessly isnt going to improve your sex drive. why not explore all medical possibilites that could help. go get friggin help, dont just believe your a lost cause. thats what my wife has done with her migraines, she got one type of treatment that didnt really help and she just gave up and accepted the headaches, it frustrating


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## MEM2020

The testosterone replacement WORKS. Takes 4-6 weeks to kick in but it is a beautiful thing 


I went from having a sex drive that was higher than the average male's (at least males over the age of 22, lol) to nothing, as a result of menopause.

No interest, no thoughts, no fantasies, no drive, no sexual response -- it was like someone snipped a critical wire somewhere in me. I couldn't believe it would ever happen like that to me, figured I'd be the Energizer Bunny forever.

My family doc reluctantly prescribed estrogen replacement for me but drew the line at testosterone replacement, which seems to be what I need at this point.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TwoDogs

MEM11363 said:


> The testosterone replacement WORKS. Takes 4-6 weeks to kick in but it is a beautiful thing


I think it would work too but my doc is super anti-medication (which is normally my view also as I don't believe in popping a pill for every symptom) and there is a massive physician shortage here so I can't shop around.


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## MEM2020

We thought about this for a LONG time. My W is definitely not into pills/meds.
Tell you what though. After YEARS of low/desire or at times no desire the T has been a God send for both of us.

Either be firm with your doctor or drive to the nearest mid sized town. 

Ultimately I believe ours doctors are responsible for providing us info not deciding for us.


TE=TwoDogs;492338]I think it would work too but my doc is super anti-medication (which is normally my view also as I don't believe in popping a pill for every symptom) and there is a massive physician shortage here so I can't shop around. [/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## okeydokie

i guarantee if it was something you really wanted bad enough you would find a way to improve it. i recognize you have come here for advice and thats good, but finding excuses to justify keeping things the same isnt going to help


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## Runs like Dog

Why do you want to fix it? Do you want to fix it? You seem puzzled whether it's normal or not. And that's it. I would say it's entirely normal. You should feel comfortable that it is. Whether you want to address it is a different question.


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## Batman64

Testosterone is one of the main reasons women lose their libido as well as men. All of today's commercials are geared toward men with low-T, but this is also a problem with the ladies.

If you want to gradually try to increase your testosterone levels on your own, it can be done by taking DHEA. It is easy to purchase at your local grocery store supplement aisle or at health food stores. I would suggest starting with 25mg per day and see how you feel in about a month. This stuff is natural and will increase your t-levels. It is not a drug and will not be something you feel in 20 minutes, you have to let the levels build back up in your body.

And no, I am not a Doctor but I take 100mg each day. There are also other natural supps that will increase t-levels but I'd say start with DHEA.


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## Conrad

Good news!

And, you are both right.

Doctors are supposed to serve their patients - not dictate to them.

Think about it. Being a physician is a "service". Not a guru.




MEM11363 said:


> We thought about this for a LONG time. My W is definitely not into pills/meds.
> Tell you what though. After YEARS of low/desire or at times no desire the T has been a God send for both of us.
> 
> Either be firm with your doctor or drive to the nearest mid sized town.
> 
> Ultimately I believe ours doctors are responsible for providing us info not deciding for us.
> 
> 
> TE=TwoDogs;492338]I think it would work too but my doc is super anti-medication (which is normally my view also as I don't believe in popping a pill for every symptom) and there is a massive physician shortage here so I can't shop around.


_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]


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## 4821

okeydokie said:


> while i am sympathetic to your situation, that is it is apparent that your body has changed and basically you have shut down sexually, what is it any of you expect your husbands to do?
> 
> i would think that sitting around helplessly isnt going to improve your sex drive. why not explore all medical possibilites that could help. go get friggin help, dont just believe your a lost cause. thats what my wife has done with her migraines, she got one type of treatment that didnt really help and she just gave up and accepted the headaches, it frustrating


me - the OP - I have asked my GYN last year and she does believe in hormone therapy. She said testing the hormones can vary every day, so she does not believe in prescribing them.

My husband has been great about it - yet we are both so frustrated that we are irritable - I have had desires lately and have no idea how to intiate with him. I told him straight out that I would love to make love to him tonight - and then nothing. It has been so long that it is now awkward to even kiss each other. 

How the heck do we get back from this? This forum doesn't know that answer - but maybe someone experienced the same thing - now we seem off balance....like I am interested and he has no clue - and he is interested and I have no clue - and I spill my heart out to him and he listened. He did not answer me with any reassurance or love. Oh - everywhere we go - and he is with me and they get to know us - and I show up and they tell me "your husband loves you so much". wth? What do they see that I don't? That a guy like him would not love a woman like me is how it feels to me - I have heard this so much and don't understand why -


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## 4821

MEM11363 said:


> We thought about this for a LONG time. My W is definitely not into pills/meds.
> Tell you what though. After YEARS of low/desire or at times no desire the T has been a God send for both of us.
> 
> Either be firm with your doctor or drive to the nearest mid sized town.
> 
> Ultimately I believe ours doctors are responsible for providing us info not deciding for us.
> 
> 
> ]


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## Enchantment

4821 said:


> How the heck do we get back from this?


So, start out slow and work your way up to more! 

Start to touch each other during the day, hold hands, rub his shoulder, back, or hair. Tell him you love him. Sit close together on the couch, give each other hugs and cuddles, start to kiss each other. Flirt with him, subtly seduce him with a lingering look, a low-cut blouse.

Spend time together doing things you both enjoy - go for walks, go to the museum, whatever. Hold hands and have a conversation. Listen to music in your living room and play footsies.

Undress in front of him, tantalize him with bits and pieces of your skin.

Hey, at one time you guys went through this when you were dating, right? You wanted to, but didn't know how to or might have been scared to proceed. Start pushing the envelope slowly a little bit at a time and you may be very surprised what kind of a response you get - and how that response may make you both feel 'alive' again. 

Best wishes.


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## Bobby5000

I think you and your husband should talk. Do read a few books because you do not want to start with an attack on him, or a discussion of what he's doing wrong. Instead, one hopes there can be a mutually constructive discussion- that he can start expressing his concern for you. If nothing else, you can find some enjoyment in that he is happy. My wife usually likes a long backrub, and that gives her some enjoyment. 

I do think if needed men can be told what they are doing wrong in the love department. 

As to your lack of interest, medication may diminish interest and desire, and woman's desire may decrease with age (posing a problem since with many men, their desire stays the same). 




Greyrain said:


> I didn't say I'd lost interest in other things, however I am currently being treated for depression. My husband is well aware of my depression and treatment, yet he never brings it up. He doesn't ask how I'm feeling, doesn't show any interest in it at all. Frankly the only thing he seems interested in is himself and sex.


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## Sexy back 48

4821 said:


> Anyone else that is female adult that has a sex drive all their live and lost it? I mean I have no desire. I have lost desire for other things too.
> 
> I have never lost my sex drive before that is so completely gone. I am married and we both are sexy, healthly, and attractive adults. so thinking outside the bos - I think about other men or even women as a stretch - and still have no sex drive at all. No fantastes about anything either.
> 
> What happened to me? Any females have advice?


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