# is he bi?



## jennifer1667 (Aug 5, 2013)

I just recently found on my husbands computer where he is subscribed to a bisexual online forum. I have also found where he has contacted men for sexual favors since we have been married, but yet hasn't met any of them. I am concerned that he may actually be bisexual or even gay...but then he also has an account on an escort service website reviewing women that he has seen since we have been married. I am heartbroken about this all period, but really don't know what to do. I can't ask him about it b/c he doesn't talk to me he just gets angry and shuts down. I don't want a divorce, I wasn't raised to do that and I don't want to hurt my kids, but I can't live like this forever always wandering and wanting to snoop around on him to find out whats going on. Any suggestions?


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Yes, he may very likely be bi-sexual or gay. Be prepared for that.

He is going to have to talk about it one day for sure.

Either he is going to do what is best for you, the kids and marriage and be a solid hubby for you or he is going to give in one day and say he really likes men. Talk about it now or find a way to do so.

Find out what his sexual fantasies are, discretely, and when he comes home one day, totally surprise him big time. In fact, maybe do this once every week, different days and times. Call it your time with him to spice it up but don't ask him, just do it.


----------



## cheese puff (Jul 24, 2011)

What about STD's you have the right to ask.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jennifer1667 said:


> I just recently found on my husbands computer where he is subscribed to a bisexual online forum. I have also found where he has contacted men for sexual favors since we have been married, but yet hasn't met any of them. I am concerned that he may actually be bisexual or even gay...but then he also has an account on an escort service website reviewing women that he has seen since we have been married. I am heartbroken about this all period, but really don't know what to do. I can't ask him about it b/c he doesn't talk to me he just gets angry and shuts down. I don't want a divorce, I wasn't raised to do that and I don't want to hurt my kids, but I can't live like this forever always wandering and wanting to snoop around on him to find out whats going on. Any suggestions?


Were you raised to be used by a man who has sex with men and women on the side?

I say that divorce is better than ending up becoming an emotional zombie in the name of no divorce under any circumstances.

The truth is that you do not know if he has met anyone for sex yet. For all you now he's been doing it all along. Men have places in every town where they can just show up and have sex with random guys who also showed up for sex. No internet needed for that. No way to track it.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Get an STD test. That's the first thing to do.

Then talk to someone who you trust. Get support for this.

You need to collect the evidence and when you have enough so that he cannot make excuses you need to confront him.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why do you believe that he hasn't met any guys yet? Because he told you that?

So basically, you've let him know that you're ok with him meeting escorts, and as long as his response is to get angry with you, you'll stop asking questions.  Does that sum it up? You're just allowing him to sweep the mess under the rug, and it will simply fester until the whole thing explodes. I can understand how that seems easier than a confrontation, but you're really only delaying the inevitable. And likely making it worse by doing so.

Just my $0.02. I don't mean to be harsh, but that's my thoughts.

C


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jennifer1667 said:


> I just recently found on my husbands computer where he is subscribed to a bisexual online forum. I have also found where he has contacted men for sexual favors since we have been married, but yet hasn't met any of them. I am concerned that he may actually be bisexual or even gay...but then he also has an account on an escort service website reviewing women that he has seen since we have been married. I am heartbroken about this all period, but really don't know what to do. I can't ask him about it b/c he doesn't talk to me he just gets angry and shuts down. I don't want a divorce, I wasn't raised to do that and I don't want to hurt my kids, but I can't live like this forever always wandering and wanting to snoop around on him to find out whats going on. Any suggestions?


By the way. You don't talk to him about the escorts (and the guys) you tell him what your boundaries are. And then you tell him that the price to pay for it if he continues is divorce. If he get belligerent you call the police.

But before you tell him like it is... you need solid evidence. 

There are things you can do. Like put a VAR (voice activated recorder) secured with Velcro under the front seat of his car. Most people who cheat talk the people they are involved with while in the car driving around.

Do not tell him what you have found until you are ready with enough evidence and have your plan in place.


----------



## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

You live in fear of confronting your cheating lying husband because he might be angry with you? 

I would hate to live that way. 

Firstly you need to seek counselling for yourself and find out why it is that you would rather stay with so done who would treat you that way, who doesn't truly live and treasure you. 

Figure out what your boundaries are and what the consequences should be for his actions. 
Then insist on couples counselling. 

If he sent willing to go to counselling, be transparent and face the things he has done taking full responsibility, then I see a lifetime of heartache ahead for you. 

I'd rather be single then live with someone who would waste my time and live like that.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Whether or not he's bi or not is the least of your concerns.

Your biggest problem is the lying and the cheating.


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

jennifer1667 said:


> but then he also has an account on an escort service website *reviewing women that he has seen since we have been married*.


Wait...WHAT?

So...

He HAS met up with women since you've been married. But he TOLD YOU he hasn't hooked up with any men.

When did he last have sex with you?


----------



## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

MrK said:


> Wait...WHAT?
> 
> So...
> 
> ...


same question here. in a healthy relationship there is no need for outside sex. my wife will not do complete oral on me, yet I would not go to a prostitute for that. have been tempted a few times but never went further than a random thought, the aftermath on my mental health and the marriage would not be worth it. 

in todays society it is not acceptable for a man to seek outside sex when he is married, whether it is a male or female, unless you are both allowing it and understand the implications. 

I would never put my wife through this, I would leave her if it got to this point. just my two cents as well.


----------



## dadeuslote (Aug 7, 2013)

Then talk to someone who you trust. Get support for this.


----------



## marty39 (Mar 20, 2013)

it sounds like he is 'experimenting' with his 'another' side of sexuality...


----------



## lindaxak (Aug 9, 2013)

Talk about it now or find a way to do so.


----------

