# How To Make Things Right



## saneman (Aug 21, 2015)

I am new here and I see a lot of great information, so here goes. I am a 50'ish guy married for a long time. We live by a bunch of bars/restaurants. 

I was at a bar/restaurant one night by myself, wife was out of town, and met a very nice female bartender. We exchanged phone numbers, only for her to text me when she was working. You know great drinks for great tips, kind of thing.

We started texting when she would come to work and I would wait until my wife would go to bed, then I would go down and have a few drinks.

Well, my wife saw a cell phone bill and the strange phone numbers. She went ballistic, calls me a cheater and a few other choice words.

But for the life of me, I can't figure out why she is so upset. She is threatening me with divorce upset.

Any advice?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm guessing she's upset because you've been chatting up and dating another woman. 

How do you make it right? I'd suggest you start by not acting like you can't think why your wife might be so upset. If your wife was getting attractive men's numbers, texting them, and then sneaking out of the house after you go to bed to meet them, would that be okay with you?


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## saneman (Aug 21, 2015)

Rowan said:


> I'm guessing she's upset because you've been chatting up and dating another woman.
> 
> How do you make it right? I'd suggest you start by not acting like you can't think why your wife might be so upset. If your wife was getting attractive men's numbers, texting them, and then sneaking out of the house after you go to bed to meet them, would that be okay with you?


But that's not what I was doing. The woman is a bartender. I'm not so naive to not know she was being nice to me for extra tips. That's all it was.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Take your wife to meet the bartender and stop acting like a cheating douche. If you aren't cheating you are certainly acting like a cheater.


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## saneman (Aug 21, 2015)

My wife just told me she texted the bartender last night demanding she stop texting me. My wife is pissed off.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Your wife is pissed because you are texting another woman and starting an EA with her.

duh.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Why did you wait until after your wife went to bed before heading off to the bar?


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## Spitfire (Jun 6, 2015)

Did you tell your wife that we're going out for a few drinks before you left? Did you tell her you met a female bartender who texts you when she's working so you can go there? If your answer is no to either question why didn't you tell her? Because you knew it was wrong?


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## saneman (Aug 21, 2015)

I'm unsure why I went. Probably needed some attention. I know pathetic. 

But I still don't understand what the problem is. I told her I wouldn't do it again but she doesn't trust me to go out the door now.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

saneman said:


> I'm unsure why I went. Probably needed some attention. *I know pathetic.
> 
> But I still don't understand what the problem is. * I told her I wouldn't do it again but she doesn't trust me to go out the door now.


Huh? You admit it was pathetic, but still don't understand what the problem is?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I didn't ask why you went. I asked why you went after your wife was in bed.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

You need to consult with SMG15. He can give you dating tips.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

saneman said:


> I'm unsure why I went. Probably needed some attention. I know pathetic.
> 
> *But I still don't understand what the problem is.* I told her I wouldn't do it again but she doesn't trust me to go out the door now.


Well then, if you're just that clueless...


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## saneman (Aug 21, 2015)

I realize it appears inappropriate. I want to know how to fix this with my wife?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

saneman said:


> I realize it appears inappropriate. I want to know how to fix this with my wife?


You need to start with admitting it WAS inappropriate, not just that it APPEARS inappropriate. You know it was. So start with owning it, then beg for your wife's forgiveness, give her all your passwords, etc.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Is this your wife:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/283641-he-must-think-im-stupid.html


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> Is this your wife:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/283641-he-must-think-im-stupid.html


Nice catch. And it sounds like yes, he does think she's stupid.


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## saneman (Aug 21, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> Is this your wife:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/283641-he-must-think-im-stupid.html


No, thank God.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
May I offer a suggestion. The next time you are tempted to text the bartender, text your wife. The next time you are tempted to go out after your W is asleep, go lie in bed next to her. The next time you want a drink go to your wife and tell her you are trading drinks for sex with her. If your wife cares for you at all, I guarantee your marriage will improve.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

After I posted my last post, I wondered if the OP on this thread lives under a bridge and he/she is just using wisegarden's thread to come out from under it.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So if your wife starts getting random guys phone numbers, just so they aren't lonely at work and stuff ... that would be totally okay with you ... right?


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

saneman said:


> I am new here and I see a lot of great information, so here goes. I am a 50'ish guy married for a long time. We live by a bunch of bars/restaurants.
> 
> I was at a bar/restaurant one night by myself, wife was out of town, and met a very nice female bartender. We exchanged phone numbers, only for her to text me when she was working. You know great drinks for great tips, kind of thing.
> 
> ...



Let's assume you are not gardenwise's H and let's also assume you have not had physical contact with this bartender... Why are texting her after your wife is asleep, or should I say sexting (don't lie, please)?

And, your wife is not upset, really you don't know why? How about this, don't delete any of the text between you and the bartender and share them with your wife. Put her at ease, try it. I'm not going to bring some snarky hammer down on you, but please don't minimize your actions. If you want the possibility of keeping your marriage come clean then delete this woman's number, forget her.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

*Re: Re: How To Make Things Right*



saneman said:


> I realize it appears inappropriate. I want to know how to fix this with my wife?


Again, can you be that clueless? It doesn't appear inappropriate, it is inappropriate. You effed up. Period! End of story! Stick a fork in it!

It you want to fix it, get on your knees and admit how bad you effed up.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

OP, you seem like a simple man, so I will try to keep this simple for you.

You have a good wife, she is no longer questioning your discretion, I think she has you pretty much figured out, as we all do. Right now she is questioning her own discretion...

So... This is the easy part, you get to make the choice.

Either you shut the fvck up, and start listening to your wife.

Or she leaves you.

Don't bother responding to this, I'm done with you.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Just explain to your wife that the bartender is a great salesperson and they were only interested in your patronage of the bar. Then explain to your wife that it is nice to have a bartender that serves great drinks and misses you as a customer when you are not there!

Simple economics! Tell her if she likes to think more was going on that you will take that as a compliment, but for her not to try not to get all jealous when someone calls to refinance your mortgage or sell/upgrade your home security system. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

badsanta said:


> Then explain to your wife that it is nice to have a bartender that serves great drinks and misses you as a customer when you are not there!


LOL! Maybe the bartender is very needy and feels lost without her customers surrounding her?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

According to your wife (if this is the right thread I read a while back) you go out all the time. Maybe it's time to ask your wife to go for a walk along the beach...even if it's just a short walk. 
At the end of the day you guys just need to spend more time together.

Maybe keep a good supply of drinks at the house and just sit together and watch the sun set.

At the very least you guys can go to bed at the same time...and stay there instead of leaving after she falls a sleep! I mean come on ...grap a beer turn the TV on, turn the volume down and cuddle her while you watch the late show and drink a few beers.

The point is you need to acknowledge her feels are valid and work together to find the time to be with each other.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

In the immortal words of my dear old dad, who do you think you're bullsh!tting? Please stop insulting everyone's intelligence. 

Oh yeah, and if you want to make things right you can stop bullsh!tting your wife and stop trolling for women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

saneman said:


> I am new here and I see a lot of great information, so here goes. I am a 50'ish guy married for a long time. We live by a bunch of bars/restaurants.
> 
> I was at a bar/restaurant one night by myself, wife was out of town, and met a very nice female bartender. We exchanged phone numbers, only for her to text me when she was working. You know great drinks for great tips, kind of thing.
> 
> ...


:slap:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Constable Odo said:


> You need to consult with SMG15. He can give you dating tips.


:rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol:


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

I think what he's saying is that had the bartender offered the sex he would have taken it, but it hadn't gotten that far yet. 

Yeah, I would introduce the wife to the bartender to clear it up. BUT leaving the house to go drink after the wife goes to sleep is not a good look. good luck!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

sixbravebulls said:


> I think what he's saying is that had the bartender offered the sex he would have taken it, but it hadn't gotten that far yet.


And I think what he's saying basically amounts to 'As long as I'm not actually having intercourse with another woman, no matter how inappropriate I'm being, I'm not doing anything wrong and it's none of my wife's business.'

:slap:


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

the guy said:


> At the very least you guys can go to bed at the same time...and stay there instead of leaving after she falls a sleep!


If my husband left the house to go to a bar after I fell asleep the next day all his clothes would be on the front lawn and the locks would be changed.


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## gardenwise (Nov 1, 2011)

Are you sure you're not my husband? You're as clueless as he is.


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