# I just need a little advice



## DesparateWife (Feb 7, 2013)

My husband I have been together since for almost 13 years. But we have only been married for 5 years. We use to be best friends and talk to each other about everything. I joined the Army back in 2012 and we were apart for about 6 months. I trust my husband and I know that he wouldn't cheat. But my concern is that when I got back he became a lot more controlling. Listing things I couldn't do or being jealous because I would do things when he was at work with the kids like take them to the movies. Not that we don't all go together occassionally. He gets upset and continuosly says that I don't listen to him. Not like we are talking and I am tuning him out but like he wants me to do or not do something and I never do what he tells me to. Recently I have become irriatated with it and I just don't know what to do. I try my best to be the best wife and mother I can be but for some reason it is never good enough and something else is always wrong. Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. But honestly I just want us to go back to being the way we use to cuddling and not arguing over every little thing. I am so exhausted and I love him so much but I don't believe marriage is about control it's about compromise and working together to solve problems not do what I say when I say. I just don't know what to do or say anymore please help.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He probably cheated and is now feeling guilty and expecting you to have done the same, so he won't feel so bad.

Other than that, did the change in his behavior only happen after you left? No signs of controlling behavior before then?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

turnera said:


> He probably cheated and is now feeling guilty and expecting you to have done the same, so he won't feel so bad.
> 
> Other than that, did the change in his behavior only happen after you left? No signs of controlling behavior before then?


That's kind of a leap of faith.

Could it be that he feels that you did something (joined the Army) that was against his wishes, that he stayed behind simmering while he support the household, and now that you are back he's making sure to keep you in control?

Not that is any better. Being that controlling will lead to other problems, like you looking elsewhere for a good partner.


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## DesparateWife (Feb 7, 2013)

I trust him and I know he didn't cheat but he suffered a big loss right before I left for BCT his dad passed away. He wasn't controlling before well at least not to this extent but know it's like he wants me to be his slave and he wants all of my attention and affection. I have never been with anyone else and I don't believe in being unfaithful I saw a lot of it in my family when I was growing up and I refuse to be that way. I will be alone before I cheat.


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

Sounds like he is depressed and does not know how to cope with it. You really need to communicate your feelings to him while keeping this in mind. Often times this will get better as time goes along - but, sometimes, it snowballs into a deeper state. If you feel as though he is sliding deeper, then it's time for him to get professional help.


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## Nd4 (Feb 3, 2014)

I used to be in the army too and I think that he feels second to the army. I think he is trying to control you to make him# 1 in his life.


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