# How to handle the financial side of things



## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

My story, I was married for 17 years. Had our ups and downs but I loved my husband dearly. On Nov. 1/10 he told me he didn't love me anymore, he liked me, he cared about me but he didn't love me. I was devastated. I still love him, I still feel he is the love of my life. Everyone said we had a special connection. I found out that he read my journal. I said some very mean, hurtful things about him. I wrote in the journal just when I was really upset and didn't mean what I said. He doesn't understand that. He said he had fallen out of love with me 2 yrs. before he told me. Now I tell him that I'm not sure if I can trust him because he lied to me for those two years. I came into the marriage with assets, he had none. We work together and own a number of assets together. I am trying to decide if I should give him a share of the assets that I brought into the marriage or if we should just split what we earned together. He worked very hard and continues to do so. That's why I'm thinking about giving him extra. At the same time he chose to end the relationship. He says he'll always be my friend but I am trying to distance myself. He is hurt by this. I have to take care of myself right? I have to stop taking care of him and sacrificing myself for him, at my expense right? He is upset because I am changing my mind about some of the things in the separation agreement. But that's being a hypocrite right? He changed his mind about the whole marriage!!


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Unfortunately you won't get to decide what to give him (depending on what state you live in). The court will decide and in most states they split everything down the middle, including any assets you bought to the marriage.

Has he filed for divorce yet? If not.. just stay out of his way, don't bug him, and let the dust settle. Are you both going to start marriage counselling?


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

I'm in Canada and have a pre-nup so the before marriage assets will legally stay with me.

He hasn't filed for divorce. And I'm doing counselling but he won't go. He has no faith in counselling at all. For me, it's been a sanity saver.

You are right about staying out of his way. I am just realizing this now. I am so much happier when I don't have to see him. But the stupid thing is I don't want to hurt him by saying I don't want to see him. He is so focussed on being my friend and helping me out with things. And I still have that hope that all of a sudden he will fall in love with me again. Yugh!!! It's so hard doing the right thing! My heart just wants him back!


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