# Just married, scared I married the wrong guy, I am mostly to blame.



## runnergal (Dec 29, 2014)

I just got married a month ago. Before that, we lived together over a year. During the year we lived together, I caught my significant other masturbating to porn a few times. Mind you I always go to bed before him and since he keeps a box of kleenex next to his side of the couch, I am guessing he does it a lot. I don't know why I ignored it but I did. We have been together for over three years but I noticed the last two years, we have sex maybe once every two months because he says he never is in the mood. He usually just likes it if I go down on him and then we have sex. No kissing or foreplay. I am never aroused and end up having painful intercourse which I then end by faking an orgasm so it can be over with due to the pain. I did this probably 90% of the time we had sex over the course of our relationship. Anyway, it's been a month since we have been married and I caught him again masturbating to porn. I told him that it bothers me because we rarely have sex and when we do it usually last 5 minutes. He said he hates foreplay and just wants to f***. I said I need foreplay and he said he can't do that all the time, maybe 50%. Mind you we only have sex once or twice a month. What should I do? Should I be honest and tell him I have been faking it? Should we seek counseling?

Thank you. Happy New Year.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Porn is a issue. Your H is getting his relief via the porn. Although they say masturbation is healthy...I'm not quite convinced it is for all involved. Specifically you. Yes, IC might be in order. However, a month into marriage an annulment might be the best route. And to add..you are not the cause or at fault for his rubbing it out all the time. A tissue box at the ready all the time? This might be very hard to break. I suspect the porn will lead to or already has led to online sex chats, etc. I don't see it improving over time.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

runnergal said:


> Should I be honest and tell him I have been faking it? Should we seek counseling?
> 
> Thank you. Happy New Year.


Yes, and yes.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

runnergal said:


> What should I do?


Stop going down on him unless he returns the favor. 



runnergal said:


> Should I be honest and tell him I have been faking it?


Won't matter, he doesn't care about your needs.



runnergal said:


> Should we seek counseling?


That might help. It's worth a try.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

> Should I be honest and tell him I have been faking it? Should we seek counseling?


Yes. And no. I think you married the wrong guy, and it's hard to know why you did so with all these warning signs evident. However, it's not too late to get out and use this as a learning experience to meet someone more compatible overall, but especially sexually. This guy just isn't interested in meeting your needs, and IMO not worth the effort to fix. People only change if they really want to, and I suspect any change he makes will be short-lived.


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## runnergal (Dec 29, 2014)

Well, I took all of your advice and told him that I have been faking it and that I needed more foreplay. He just told me that he doesn't like to have sex at night because he is tired and scared he can't keep it up or after dinner because he is too full so that rules out having meaningful sex. He said right before dinner is a good time - which means back to the 5 minute deal again. I married the wrong guy.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

runnergal said:


> Well, I took all of your advice and told him that I have been faking it and that I needed more foreplay. He just told me that he doesn't like to have sex at night because he is tired and scared he can't keep it up or after dinner because he is too full so that rules out having meaningful sex. He said right before dinner is a good time - which means back to the 5 minute deal again. I married the wrong guy.


Those are the answers you get from someone who doesn't really need a sex life with his spouse.

I think I agree with you. Unless you're an unusual couple, this is also the picture of your future together.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

runnergal said:


> He said right before dinner is a good time - which means back to the 5 minute deal again.


Eat later.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Get out now, he is making only excuses. Guys that love their spouses want sex all the time and could care less about sleep, work or any other excuses. His porn is his "wife".
Marriage is selfish, in that it demands full attention from both spouses and will not share it with alcoholism, drug use or porn.
Don't let a month turn into a year, into 10 and be miserable. Cut your losses now.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

runnergal said:


> Well, I took all of your advice and told him that I have been faking it and that I needed more foreplay. He just told me that he doesn't like to have sex at night because he is tired and scared he can't keep it up or after dinner because he is too full so that rules out having meaningful sex. He said right before dinner is a good time - which means back to the 5 minute deal again. I married the wrong guy.


I'm sorry but it appears your H likes pulling his own pud when his desire drives him to do so. Kleenex box in tow. You are a distraction from sleep, video games, dinner and pud pulling to pixel chicks on the computer. You have been married one month. Time to consider an annulment as his behavior will probably not change.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Make a promise to yourself that you won't ever fake again. All this does is to train a partner to do the wrong things because they see the wrong things 'working'.

At least make him face facts that you aren't aroused, aren't getting off and aren't satisfied.

It does sound like he has a porn problem to the point the real thing is too much work. 

Not too early for an ultimatum that involves divorce papers.


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## runnergal (Dec 29, 2014)

MissScarlett said:


> Make a promise to yourself that you won't ever fake again. All this does is to train a partner to do the wrong things because they see the wrong things 'working'.
> 
> At least make him face facts that you aren't aroused, aren't getting off and aren't satisfied.
> 
> ...


I know. I guess I was desperate to get married. I was 35, lonely and all my ex boyfriends were getting married and having kids and it was just making me more sad. My mom told me that I needed to fake it with him even though it was hurting me (he was saying he wanted to marry me within 2 weeks of meeting me). So I guess I have my mom to thank for that advice.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

He wasn't ready to get married. then or now. He's immature.

marriage is a serious deal (i know you know that). You have to be ready for complete commitment and he wasn't (isn't).


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## MotoDude (Sep 15, 2010)

good lord, freshly married, I'll be humping the wife all day long, screw sleeping, screw work, and even if I worked 20 hrs that day, I'm boning my wife once i get home. Not the freaken porn!

like many have told you, get out! Hopefully no accident and your pregnant.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Yeah... you married the wrong guy.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

runnergal said:


> I know. I guess I was desperate to get married. I was 35, lonely and all my ex boyfriends were getting married and having kids and it was just making me more sad. My mom told me that I needed to fake it with him even though it was hurting me (he was saying he wanted to marry me within 2 weeks of meeting me). So I guess I have my mom to thank for that advice.


Damn. Once you've divorced your husband, be sure to divorce your mom as well.


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## Vanille (Dec 13, 2014)

Annulment. Now. It will not get better. He's living like he is single for some reason. He does not seem to care about your needs.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I have to join the consensus here. Look you made a bad decision but it is early enough in the game that you can right this wrong. You married a dolt. Oh and quit living your life through your friends. I believe in marriage but only for the right reasons.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *runnergal said*: We have been together for over three years but I noticed the last two years, *we have sex maybe once every two months because he says he never is in the mood.* He usually just likes it if I go down on him and then we have sex. *No kissing or foreplay. I am never aroused and end up having painful intercourse which I then end by faking an orgasm so it can be over with due to the pain. I did this probably 90% of the time we had sex over the course of our relationship.*





> *He said he hates foreplay and just wants to f****. I said I need foreplay and he said he can't do that all the time, maybe 50%. Mind you we only have sex once or twice a month.


Talk about a selfish man ...this one takes the cake !!...How in the world you didn't raise the roof off the house & tell him where to go a long long long time ago.. kinda blows my mind.. I can't imagine having *that much* patience... faking it would cause a mountain of resentment & frustration .. 

GET THE ANNULMENT.. SOME MEN DON'T DESERVE to have a woman.... a Giver should be married to a GIVER... it's your only shot at Happiness... you won't find it with a man like this...

When a man chooses to jack to a computer screen over a living breathing desirous woman , let alone his new BRIDE... to reject her embrace...feeling SHE is "too much work" -that foreplay is not something he is going to do... seriously... if he gets lonely, he can buy a blow up doll..she won't mind his Narcissistic Fvcking....

I wouldn't waste my time getting any counseling with someone this full of excuses..every one of them is pure laziness...it's like spitting in your face.. Cut your losses...find another who wants to love and be loved as you do.


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## IWantGreatMarriage (May 20, 2014)

runnergal said:


> I know. I guess I was desperate to get married. I was 35, lonely and all my ex boyfriends were getting married and having kids and it was just making me more sad. My mom told me that I needed to fake it with him even though it was hurting me (he was saying he wanted to marry me within 2 weeks of meeting me). So I guess I have my mom to thank for that advice.


If you married so you won't be the only single lady left I doubt if you will be rushing for annulment. Which means you are stuck with this guy till others start getting divorces (at least).
Apart from the quick and easy annulment, your other options from where I stand are:
1. Conselling, specifically, sex counselling.
2. I know that night or after dinner sex is ruled out, what about early morning sex?
3.Conselling, specifically, sex counselling.
4. Get rid of the kleenex
5. Conselling, specifically, sex counselling.
6. No more faking...communication is the key
7. Conselling, specifically, sex counselling.

If all fails, you can always help yourself as he is doing as long as you want to remain married to him.

Goodluck


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

I don't always go with the crowd, but in this case I agree with what's being said. 

End the marriage, move on.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

This greatly appears to be his "modus operandi," and appears to have been prevalent with him even prior to his having ever laid eyes on you for the very first time.

I agree with all of the others who advocate with you in cutting your loses, and the sooner, the better!


And since this marriage lasted only in the neighborhood of about a month or less, please check with a good family lawyer ASAP! You may actually be able to qualify for an annulment in your particular jurisdiction, much rather than go through the emotional rigors and trauma of the divorce process!


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## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

He is certainly a selfish man. Warching porn and jerking off shows disrespect to you and your marriage. His refusing foreplay is further example of his selfishness. I think you made a mistake and should exit this marriage and learn from your mistake.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Sit him down and talk to him about his needs and your needs.

Both of you should work hard at making sure both needs are satisfied.

Stop playing into his needs only......without him caring about yours.

This is what marriage is, game of balance.

I would not recommend withholding sex.......but sounds like he isn't really interested.

Tell him how important it is for both of you to be satisfied when it comes to intimacy (your marriage is on the line without it.......as is).

Words are nice and all, but watch his action. Revisit the conversation in a month or 2. If no changes, give him the final warning with "if this continues I'm gonna have to fine for divorce"........and by all means proceed if he ignores it.

I doubt you want this for LIFE.


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

You might have married the wrong guy but that’s water under the bridge now. 
“Sexual imprinting” largely drives adult male sex preference. The first orgasm your husband had was probably by masturbating to porn and that imprint is now a driving force in his sexuality. This is why a male who is sexually molested has a child is at great risk of molesting when he grows up. 

You obliviously learned sexual behavior based on hearsay you grew up listening too and continue to do so. You need to stop listening to hearsay. I am going to ramble-on and put things in "quotation mark" and I suggest you go look up and research. 

Divorce rates in America are above 50% and have been since the 1970’s with infidelity the leading cause. Infidelity rates for women is 54% men 57%. It is safe to say that women who commit adultery enjoy sex. JAMA reports that 43% of America women are “sexually dysfuntional.” Doctors have been getting women sexuality wrong of hundreds of years. Check out how they use to treat “hysteria in women.” It was once believed women didn’t enjoy sex. Society continues to gets females sexuality wrong. 

Women are multi-orgasmic and can have sex for several hours with multiple partners. Males only last a few minutes without training. Females are promiscuous by evolution design to find the best DNA match to ensure survival of the species. Eight thousand years ago agriculture started. Male farmers needed to ensure paternity and we have been trying to control female reproductive rights ever since. 

Now let have some fun!... and use human evolutionary sexual behavior theory to improve your sex life. 

You need to become the porn star that your husband is going to want to watch. Lots of women are doing just that by becoming “hot wife” and husband are becoming “cuckold” and loving it. The two fastest growing fetishes in the porn industry are cuckold and hot wife. If you can do that you might be able to save your marriage. Go slow and do your homework. 

Most hot wives and cuckold husband don’t understand how and why they both get so excited by this lifestyle. For the males its called “male sperm competition.” To get your husband more interested in your sexuality just start going out dressed sexy. Be unaccountable for hours of time. Let his mind wonder, ask him if you look sexy and then go! 

Women moan during sex to attract other males, males can hear a women moaning better than a child crying. The head of a penis is designed to pulls out 95% of semen already in a vagina. The most viewed porn on the internet is two women and one male! Competing males will trust harder, deeper and have a more powerful orgasms and some women love it. Women on the other hand will get wet and not be able to take their eyes off a hard penis, including lesbians. Some women have rape fantasies. Both of these are evolutionary survival reaction to protect the female. A women needs to get wet during sex wanted or unwanted or risk being torn and getting an infection and possibly dying. 

One male was never going to sexually satisfy you. Do your homework have fun and always play safe.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Melvynman said:


> You might have married the wrong guy but that’s water under the bridge now.
> “Sexual imprinting” largely drives adult male sex preference. The first orgasm your husband had was probably by masturbating to porn and that imprint is now a driving force in his sexuality.


So that's why I only like women with a staple through their midsection.


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