# How would yo feel if your spouse told someone else this?



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

I’ll start out by saying H is outgoing and I’m very introverted. I’ve been to 4 concerts with him and he just goes into another world or something when we’re there where he smokes his pot, drinks a lot and then tries to be the loudest person there and draw attention. He flails around to the music and is just embarrassing. Well we went to see his buddy’s band play last Saturday and also brought a friend of his along. He’s already had drinks and smoked pot before going down and when we get he immediately starts flailing about. Goes right up to the front so his buddy can see him and everyone is looking at him like "Why is this guy pushing his way up here". Then he gets a couple of drinks in him and starts acting like he's a teenager. He’ll be 50 next month. Flailing about, not caring about his surroundings. Then he gets mad at me because I'm just sitting there and he thinks I'm not having a good time. His buddy is sitting there too but he doesn't get mad at him for just sitting there. Then the next day he's kind of snide to me telling me that he had a great time, but obviously I didn't. Why do I go to these things with him? That's the 4th concert I've been to with him and every time he gets stupid, drunk and annoying. I swear he is just trying to be the loudest person in the room. 

Then apparently he can’t let that night go and sends me a message on Facebook today from work saying “LOL. I told Adam (the guy we saw play) you weren’t happy about me flopping around so much Saturday night…his reply “Awww I thought she was cool HAHAHA.” What an ass! Is that how you stick up for your spouse? I never said a word about not being happy about how he acted. Yes it’s embarrassing and inappropriate for a 50 yr old to act as you did, but to go and basically tell this guy what a dud I was and how I said stuff I didn’t. I’m a shy reserved person. I don’t show a lot of emotion. I don’t flail around like a teenager at every concert. I certainly don’t feel as he does that you need to be high and drunk to enjoy it. Then he gets angry at me about not having fun. Because I didn't flail around I apparently didn't enjoy myself?


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

He is projecting because he feels embarrassed and ashamed. Don't take the bait....do not respond. 

And, just stop going to concerts with him.


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Magnesium said:


> He is projecting because he feels embarrassed and ashamed. Don't take the bait....do not respond.
> 
> And, just stop going to concerts with him.


Yeah I don't know why I do anymore. I thought this was just a bar with a band that he would behave, but no. Oh then he tells me on Sunday when he kept telling me I had a bad time (funny because I enjoyed myself and the bands) that he's just not going to take me to metal shows as a punishment. Ooooh! I tell him "I have no problem with that seeing as how I don't like metal bands". He turns to me all downtrodden and goes "You're not the wife I thought you were". Jesus! Get over it. You like certain music. You act a certain way at concerts. You are outgoing and loud. I like certain music. I act certain ways at a concert. I am quiet. We have our differences and yo make it seem like this concert just totally ruined us!


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

And then I respond back to him with "I never said that! I'm just reserved in the way I act" and he simply responds with a smiley face with it's tongue sticking out. Yeah, fricking hilarious! I'm glad you throw me under the bus so your buddy thinks your cool. I'll make sure to make you look like an idiot to my coworkers too!

And not to mention he's been walking around the house like he's the coolest dude the past few days too. You know, I'm the dud, he's the rock star because he plays guitar a bit and he saw his buddy play and now he's cool too. Not acting all that loving to me, but then sees that I distance myself from him and then he gets all lovey, but then if I go and hang out with him while he's playing his video game he calls me too needy. I try and act interested and ask about the game even though I could care less and he tells me about it but then goes "Well like you really care what I'm telling you". What is your problem???


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

But was he doing the hokey-pokey? Because that's what it's all about.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

It’s actually very simple.
DONT ****ING GO WITH HIM.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Does he give you great sex often and take care of your needs? Or are there bigger issues than not having fun with him when going out while he gets high and smashed?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I wonder when or if he will ever grow up?

Then he might mature into a... husband?


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Buy him dancing lessons for Christmas


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Mapper said:


> I’ll start out by saying H is outgoing and I’m very introverted. I’ve been to 4 concerts with him and he just goes into another world or something when we’re there where he smokes his pot, drinks a lot and then tries to be the loudest person there and draw attention. He flails around to the music and is just embarrassing. Well we went to see his buddy’s band play last Saturday and also brought a friend of his along. He’s already had drinks and smoked pot before going down and when we get he immediately starts flailing about. Goes right up to the front so his buddy can see him and everyone is looking at him like "Why is this guy pushing his way up here". Then he gets a couple of drinks in him and starts acting like he's a teenager. He’ll be 50 next month. Flailing about, not caring about his surroundings. Then he gets mad at me because I'm just sitting there and he thinks I'm not having a good time. His buddy is sitting there too but he doesn't get mad at him for just sitting there. Then the next day he's kind of snide to me telling me that he had a great time, but obviously I didn't. Why do I go to these things with him? That's the 4th concert I've been to with him and every time he gets stupid, drunk and annoying. I swear he is just trying to be the loudest person in the room.
> 
> Then apparently he can’t let that night go and sends me a message on Facebook today from work saying “LOL. I told Adam (the guy we saw play) you weren’t happy about me flopping around so much Saturday night…his reply “Awww I thought she was cool HAHAHA.” What an ass! Is that how you stick up for your spouse? I never said a word about not being happy about how he acted. Yes it’s embarrassing and inappropriate for a 50 yr old to act as you did, but to go and basically tell this guy what a dud I was and how I said stuff I didn’t. I’m a shy reserved person. I don’t show a lot of emotion. I don’t flail around like a teenager at every concert. I certainly don’t feel as he does that you need to be high and drunk to enjoy it. Then he gets angry at me about not having fun. Because I didn't flail around I apparently didn't enjoy myself?


Your H may be 50 years of age but apparently stopped mentally growing at age 18. Really, pot and drunk at a concert? That is what your H should have been doing in the 80's and left it there. Your H is still living the single life with throwing you under the bus for a good laugh with his buddy. If you H wants you to have fun then tell his childish self to take you to a place that you would enjoy without the drunken high side show your H puts on.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> I wonder when or if he will ever grow up?
> 
> Then he might mature into a... husband?


I'm 57 and seriously immature. But I don't do pot or flail around in concerts among other things.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Bonkers said:


> Buy him dancing lessons for Christmas


And a dime bag.....


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Mapper said:


> Yeah I don't know why I do anymore. I thought this was just a bar with a band that he would behave, but no. Oh then he tells me on Sunday when he kept telling me I had a bad time (funny because I enjoyed myself and the bands) that he's just not going to take me to metal shows as a punishment. Ooooh! I tell him "I have no problem with that seeing as how I don't like metal bands". He turns to me all downtrodden and goes "You're not the wife I thought you were". Jesus! Get over it. You like certain music. You act a certain way at concerts. You are outgoing and loud. I like certain music. I act certain ways at a concert. I am quiet. We have our differences and yo make it seem like this concert just totally ruined us!


Next time tickets are purchased get different sections. Hell, go on different nights!


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## jetzon (Mar 16, 2015)

how embarassing that must have been !!!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

john117 said:


> I'm 57 and seriously immature. But I don't do pot or flail around in concerts among other things.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Mapper said:


> I’ll start out by saying H is outgoing and I’m very introverted. I’ve been to 4 concerts with him and he just goes into another world or something when we’re there where he smokes his pot, drinks a lot and then tries to be the loudest person there and draw attention. He flails around to the music and is just embarrassing. Well we went to see his buddy’s band play last Saturday and also brought a friend of his along. He’s already had drinks and smoked pot before going down and when we get he immediately starts flailing about. Goes right up to the front so his buddy can see him and everyone is looking at him like "Why is this guy pushing his way up here". Then he gets a couple of drinks in him and starts acting like he's a teenager. He’ll be 50 next month. Flailing about, not caring about his surroundings. Then he gets mad at me because I'm just sitting there and he thinks I'm not having a good time. His buddy is sitting there too but he doesn't get mad at him for just sitting there. Then the next day he's kind of snide to me telling me that he had a great time, but obviously I didn't. Why do I go to these things with him? That's the 4th concert I've been to with him and every time he gets stupid, drunk and annoying. I swear he is just trying to be the loudest person in the room.
> 
> Then apparently he can’t let that night go and sends me a message on Facebook today from work saying “LOL. I told Adam (the guy we saw play) you weren’t happy about me flopping around so much Saturday night…his reply “Awww I thought she was cool HAHAHA.” What an ass! Is that how you stick up for your spouse? I never said a word about not being happy about how he acted. Yes it’s embarrassing and inappropriate for a 50 yr old to act as you did, but to go and basically tell this guy what a dud I was and how I said stuff I didn’t. I’m a shy reserved person. I don’t show a lot of emotion. I don’t flail around like a teenager at every concert. I certainly don’t feel as he does that you need to be high and drunk to enjoy it. Then he gets angry at me about not having fun. Because I didn't flail around I apparently didn't enjoy myself?


In seriousness compared to my other two posts, yeah, that was pretty crappy of him to say that. I get the feeling that him saying things like that is a pretty regular occurrence, and not just in relation to situations like this?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I'm not joining your team.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Mapper said:


> And then I respond back to him with "I never said that! I'm just reserved in the way I act" and he simply responds with a smiley face with it's tongue sticking out. Yeah, fricking hilarious! I'm glad you throw me under the bus so your buddy thinks your cool. I'll make sure to make you look like an idiot to my coworkers too!
> 
> And not to mention he's been walking around the house like he's the coolest dude the past few days too. You know, I'm the dud, he's the rock star because he plays guitar a bit and he saw his buddy play and now he's cool too. Not acting all that loving to me, but then sees that I distance myself from him and then he gets all lovey, but then if I go and hang out with him while he's playing his video game he calls me too needy. I try and act interested and ask about the game even though I could care less and he tells me about it but then goes "Well like you really care what I'm telling you". What is your problem???


My advice would be to stop responding to this sort of childishness. At all. As in, whenever he brings it up in any way your response should be to completely ignore that he spoke at all. No witty retorts, no facial expressions, no defensive comebacks....just nothing. And, stop playing up to him by acting interested in his stupid video games. Go about your business....do your thing. Let him wallow in his embarrassment and shame.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Mapper said:


> Yes it’s embarrassing and inappropriate for a 50 yr old to act as you did, but to go and basically tell this guy what a dud I was and how I said stuff I didn’t.


I'm 55 and went to a death metal concert a couple months ago with a buddy. I even went in the pit. I do this 2 or 3 times a year. I guess I'm inappropriate. I flail around and slam into people with the teenagers but I don't get drunk or stoned. I can get away with it because I work out at the gym and dye my hair so I look a lot younger. If I were you I would simply let him go with his friends and stay home and watch TV or read a book if his behavior bothers you. I'm not condoning his bad mouthing you but perhaps this is an easy solution.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I wouldn't be with a guy who got drunk in this way and especially one who took illegal drugs. He sounds as if he is 17 not 49. 
Very immature.

Otherwise this reminds me of something that my husband once said about his ex. On the occasional wedding with a disco they went to, she would complain because he didn't like loud pop music or want to dance. Well he hates loud pop music and just cant dance and doesn't like dancing, so he used to go to another room if possible and she didn't like that at all. She was wanting him to what she did and like what she did, as your husband is as well, and that is not allowing your partner to be themselves.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Yeah the outrageous drinking and smoking pot would already have me at my limits of being with that person in a permanent sense.

Maybe you need to reevaluate the need for an alcohol abusing, pothead who's pushing 50.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If he’s going to grossly misrepresent things between the two of you, then you have absolutely no business in accompanying anywhere out in public!

Just an inquiry: does he also smoke pot and flail about whenever having sex?*


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

TBH I don't think it's a good idea to drag introverts to anything like that.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I'd score this at one-all. 

If he wants to go to concerts and dance that way, that's up to him. You used the word "flail" to describe it about a hundred times - it embarrasses YOU - but that doesn't make it wrong. Just don't go. 

On the other hand, bad-mouthing you to his friend is COMPLETELY unacceptable. I'd focus on *that*, not on the quality of his dancing, nor how much he drinks, both of which are things that people will just dispute.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

And this is the only issue that you and he are compatible?? Two Choices: 1. do not go to future concerts with him. 2. Find a new dude...


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Mapper said:


> I’ll start out by saying H is outgoing and I’m very introverted. I’ve been to 4 concerts with him and he just goes into another world or something when we’re there where he smokes his pot, drinks a lot and then tries to be the loudest person there and draw attention. He flails around to the music and is just embarrassing. Well we went to see his buddy’s band play last Saturday and also brought a friend of his along. He’s already had drinks and smoked pot before going down and when we get he immediately starts flailing about. Goes right up to the front so his buddy can see him and everyone is looking at him like "Why is this guy pushing his way up here". Then he gets a couple of drinks in him and starts acting like he's a teenager. He’ll be 50 next month. Flailing about, not caring about his surroundings. Then he gets mad at me because I'm just sitting there and he thinks I'm not having a good time. His buddy is sitting there too but he doesn't get mad at him for just sitting there. Then the next day he's kind of snide to me telling me that he had a great time, but obviously I didn't. Why do I go to these things with him? That's the 4th concert I've been to with him and every time he gets stupid, drunk and annoying. I swear he is just trying to be the loudest person in the room.
> 
> Then apparently he can’t let that night go and sends me a message on Facebook today from work saying “LOL. I told Adam (the guy we saw play) you weren’t happy about me flopping around so much Saturday night…his reply “Awww I thought she was cool HAHAHA.” What an ass! Is that how you stick up for your spouse? I never said a word about not being happy about how he acted. Yes it’s embarrassing and inappropriate for a 50 yr old to act as you did, but to go and basically tell this guy what a dud I was and how I said stuff I didn’t. I’m a shy reserved person. I don’t show a lot of emotion. I don’t flail around like a teenager at every concert. I certainly don’t feel as he does that you need to be high and drunk to enjoy it. Then he gets angry at me about not having fun. Because I didn't flail around I apparently didn't enjoy myself?


My wife does the same and I get it. We'll go out somewhere, she'll drink too much and go on "having a good time" while I do my own thing. Yes sometimes she pisses me off to no end, and other times I just ignore it and laugh to myself how much of an ass she looks like. And just like you I hear it the next day, "Why were you so anti social last night?" Her saying that to me used to really get to me, I can understand if I was standing off to the side by myself but I'm not, I'm always talking to someone else or whatever. I've tried to argue that point but it's just one of those things that we'll never agree on.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Sounds like bigger issues than going to a concert to me, but what do I know. Not taking sides, just don't go to concerts with him.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Laurentium said:


> I'd score this at one-all.
> 
> If he wants to go to concerts and dance that way, that's up to him. You used the word "flail" to describe it about a hundred times - it embarrasses YOU - but that doesn't make it wrong. Just don't go.
> 
> On the other hand, bad-mouthing you to his friend is COMPLETELY unacceptable. I'd focus on *that*, not on the quality of his dancing, nor how much he drinks, both of which are things that people will just dispute.


Its also taking illegal drugs.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Its also taking illegal drugs.


I didn't get the impression that was one of her complaints though. I woudn't like it myself, but then I knew one stoner couple that seemed pretty happy.


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