# Female author shows us why sex fades



## Emptyshelldad (Apr 29, 2013)

Why Sexual Passion Fades | Psychology Today

An article written by a female sex therapist that tells us why sex fades and how to keep it alive. 

But also I find interesting, probably more so tha. Just the information that article shares, is whT we can conclude from it. 

Feminist bias that exists in counseling and therapy. She states that the teaching and training given in the field of counseling claims that lack of sexual passion is due to emotional problems. A feeling that most men would say is not why they Are not happy with their sex lives. So......the idea is a feminine one that sex problems must be emotional. 

Secondly that, the field of counseling and psychology is tilted towards and affected (as is all society in my opinion) by femanism. Even when it's defying the results of the real world. 

The field and society can't say that the problem is linked in any way to the inherent differences that separate men and women. It does not mean that one is better or worse than the other. And I think this is where femanism gets it wrong a bit. It has the right goal, but the wrong idea. The goal is that the two sexes should be treated fairly. Not equally.....(equal after all means exactly the same). Men and women are different, it's more than just two asexual bodies one with a penis and one with a vagina. But that doesn't mean that the two should be treated unfairly. 

This is not a political issue, I don't care about the politics etc. I care about the way this issue affects our marriages today and that's why I'm posting it in here. I think too many affairs start from issues that have to do with psychological issues. And the incongruence that exists between what is being pushed and proliferated by our society today, and the way a man and women actually are. 

I posted this here because infidelity is where my home hang out is and I believe it can help those who have been affected by it to realize that traditional couples therapy may not be the best way to heal your marriage. But I guess it just as easily go under marriage issues. But I think it fits better here.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

I don't think that feminism is the root of the problem, however.

I think that men have abdicated the lead in the relationship. Men have been all too willing to allow the woman to take the romantic lead, the lead in interests, the lead socially.

And then they wonder why their woman loses interest in them.

It is my opinion that feminism has been good for sexual relationships. Certainly good for women, and also very positive for men.

But sexually I agree that a woman wants her man to take the lead. More than sexually - romantically, socially, etc.

It does not mean that she is not an equal - it is just a dynamic that works for men and women. 

The fault does not lie with feminism. The fault lies with lazy men, in my opinion.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Interesting article. I see valid points, and as a woman I do find it sexy that my hb is strong. In fact, I'll admit right here that even though I like many sexual positions, I really like basic missionary because I like feeling his while body on top of me; its kind of domineering (and I can O like that). 

Like she said though, sexuality is more complicated, especially in long term relationships. The idea that issues can be emotional in nature isn't wrong; women also want to be cared for by said strong man and I think this is where a lot of breaking down happens. If you don't treat me like I matter to you and you are not a partner, no amount of your strength in the bedroom is going to make me want sex with you.

Feminism is really unfairly trashed; it only exists because at one time women had no rights. In its true form its only about women having options just like men, but like all social change the pendulum swings a lot. The article is interesting though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emptyshelldad (Apr 29, 2013)

Yeah I agree the pendulum swings too far to overcorrect. If many men had not been the way they were then we might now have e issues we have now with gender confusion. Or rather confused gender roles. 

I base this off the research in a field that is taking in male psychology. About the way men in our western are becoming increasingly marginalized and have no real clear role now. 

So for me the idea is more about how it affects our relationships. And the sex that affects marriage. Because so many are afraid to be men and that leads to an upside down power dynamic sexually. Which leads us to confusion over our biology and our current societies beliefs about men and women. The lines overlap and then you end up with more divorce than ever before and more female infidelity (which many studies come right out and say is in the rise). 

So here's hoping more men and women can find and strike a healthy balance between mutual submission.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

The article is accurate, but does not reveal the extent to which there is no solution. When a man and woman are in love and can't keep their hands off each other, everything their partner does is charming and sexy. After getting married and learning about the partner's lack of control over the world – most people are penned in by work, family, etc., men do not appear very powerful.

Even a guy like Obama does not look alpha or impressive, despite all his power. He cannot make things happen. This is why some women are attracted to bad characters. It fascinates me that NHL hockey was for years all about fighting and rough play. Grown men sitting and watching Bruins and Blackhawk's assaulting each other with sticks and fists. What to do wives think about this? In truth don't wives wish that they were being taken by some hockey thug instead of their tame husband who never gets in fights?

This why TAM has so many stories about women cheating with their kids soccer coaches, gym instructors, running club fvck buddies, etc., the physical aspect is important.

Police, that's another group that appeals to women who are looking for sex outside marriage.

Men for sure cheat because they want younger more fertile partners.

ShellDad,

How does sex with your ex now compare with prior to when she had the affair and during the affair?

Do you think she tries harder in bed to compete with the other women you see?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> What to do wives think about this? In truth don't wives wish that they were being taken by some hockey thug instead of their tame husband who never gets in fights?
> 
> This why TAM has so many stories about women cheating with their kids soccer coaches, gym instructors, running club fvck buddies, etc., the physical aspect is important.
> 
> Police, that's another group that appeals to women who are looking for sex outside marriage.


I'm going to be direct with you LW so from my observation, most of that is horse sh-t. That's like saying men cheat on their wives primarily because after 20 years of having and raising kids, they are no longer built like a brick sh-t house.
Physical aspect are important but that in and of itself is not what gets a woman into bed. Besides, during my sporting years, I've dated wives of tennis coaches, golf instructors, police, and high level executives. And I ain't all that. (although I was ranked as "hot" by students in "Ratemyprofessor.com" and winner of an informal student poll, "best looking male instructors azz on campus".)


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You've spent a half century feminizing men. Well congratulations.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

What about the "honeymoon chemicals" such as dopamine, oxcytocin etc. that deplete over time? Within the first six months to three years of the relationship?

What about the husband or wife that makes no effort to remain sexually attractive? 

What about the times when spouses fail to continue to date each other?

I do agree that a man asserting dominance in the bedroom is important to my sexual fulfillment - sometimes a woman just wants to be taken and I do enjoy the more dominant positions like doggy or missionary over girl on top because of that. But I don't think that this is the only reason passion fades. 

For me, the emotional aspects of sex are not to be ignored. Don't consistently ignore my emotional needs outside of the bedroom and expect me to be on you like white on rice. I need quality time, I need conversation. The times I am the most randiest have actually been after parties/get togethers with him and friends/family. 

It's not the alcohol but it's because my emotional need of quality time and conversation was met that turned me on. Almost always, that leads me to track him down and pounce on him for a secret quickie in another room. Same goes when we've had a nice evening together, talking and relating to one another. My need for that time/conversation is met and I feel intimate and connected towards him and want sex.

Meet the needs going on between her ears; and she'll be more willing to put her ankles behind her ears.


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