# My bf threatened to breakup with me because he suspects that I am a Trump voter...



## JW8614 (Sep 8, 2014)

Just a little background info... We're a gay couple. I'm 30, he's 58, and we've been together for 4 years...

Last night my boyfriend and I went to a Hillary Clinton fundraiser. I'm not a fan of her (I have my reasons), but I wanted to be a good sport and I wanted to be by boyfriend's side, so I went. Just to be clear, I actually had a good time and I wasn't being rude by constantly rolling my eyes or making snide/sarcastic remarks the whole time.

Anyway, we get home and one of my friends calls me and we're talking about the fundraiser. The entire time that I'm on the phone, my boyfriend is in the background chiming in, which was super annoying. During this conversation I tell my friend that I just don't see myself voting for Hillary and I may just sit this election out.

We hang up the phone and then my boyfriend starts berating me about who I support for president and keeps saying that he "suspects" that I support Donald Trump.

I said repeatedly that I don't support Hillary or Trump, and that I can't vote for either of them with a clear conscious.

He then tells me that it would be childish of me not to vote, he can't respect me, and as a black gay man (he's white) I should automatically support Hillary. That sort of offended me, but I just wanted to move on from the topic, so I told him that I may just end up voting for Hillary once she starts doing press conferences and interviews.

I thought about this all through the night and the next morning I told him that I'm still not over it and all of that kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

I'm a conservative person and I know people (especially gays) hate the word "conservative" and that's fine, but it's who I am. And I could see if I was trying to force my opinions/views down his throat, but I don't. It's actually him who's trying to force his opinions/views down mine.

It just hurt my feelings that me not being a Hillary Clinton supporter is such a big deal to him and that he made our relationship contingent on that. What should I do?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Dump him.

He's an idiot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

Hmmm well on the one hand politics are very divisive so it can be a relationship killer if you're both on polar ends of the spectrum. But that doesn't appear to be the case, you just don't like Trump or Hillary like 90% of the rest of the country.

I think once you explained you don't support either he should respect that and let it go.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

If the kennedys could welcome Arnold at the table like grown ups, so could he.

But he's not, because he's a tool.

So why are you staying with a tool?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

JW8614 said:


> *He then tells me that it would be childish of me not to vote, he can't respect me, and as a black gay man (he's white)* I should automatically support Hillary. That sort of offended me, but I just wanted to move on from the topic, so I told him that I may just end up voting for Hillary once she starts doing press conferences and interviews.
> 
> I thought about this all through the night and the next morning I told him that I'm still not over it and all of that kind of rubbed me the wrong way.


Wow. What an ignorant, racist, bigoted think for a supposed "progressive liberal" to say. It is exactly that attitude why many do not support Hillary and her party, while Trump projects the independent "not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

Such hatred coming from your BF. 

BTW, Trump is not conservative.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

JW8614 said:


> I said repeatedly that I don't support Hillary or Trump, and that I can't vote for either of them with a clear conscious.
> 
> He then tells me that it would be childish of me not to vote, he can't respect me, and as a black gay man (he's white) I should automatically support Hillary.


I don't think anyone should ever automatically vote for any candidate based on something so generalized as race, gender or sexual preference. 

If it really bothers him that you may be voting for Trump, tell him to stop asking the question if he can't handle the answer.

How do you feel that you can't discuss something like this with your boyfriend without him getting angry and over-emotional?


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

You have a constitutional right to vote. 
You also have a constitutional right *NOT* to vote. That's why it's called a 'right'. There's no 'penalty' whether you decide to vote or not.

Except of course, the 'penalty' that your b/f imposes on you for not voting and not voting _*HIS*_ way. 

Frankly, if *my* b/f threatened to break up with me if I voted/didn't vote the way HE thinks I 'should', I'd beat him to the punch, _*and break up with HIM*_.

Your b/f is the one being 'childish'. You shouldn't be "sort of" offended by his ignorance, but VERY offended. He's trying to control you, and that's not what healthy mature relationships are about. 

I'm with the others. Dump him.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Last time I posted to one of your threads, you deleted it and a whole whack of other threads you had up over the years because I pointed out the fact that your boyfriend is a complete and utter waste of your time. 

Are you going to do the same thing this time?

Your relationship has been a whole series of him doing the most unbelievable things, threatening to break up with you, you posting about them and being told to get rid of him, and you ignoring all the people here.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

That shows a lack of respect, to me. He doesn't respect you enough to want you to have your own opinions and beliefs.


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## JW8614 (Sep 8, 2014)

knobcreek said:


> Hmmm well on the one hand politics are very divisive so it can be a relationship killer if you're both on polar ends of the spectrum. But that doesn't appear to be the case, you just don't like Trump or Hillary like 90% of the rest of the country.
> 
> I think once you explained you don't support either he should respect that and let it go.


His thing is anything other than a vote for Hillary is a vote for Trump. So if I dont vote, if I vote Independent, or if I do a write-in - to him - those are all votes for Trump. 

Tbh, his attitude makes me not want to support her even more.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

Your bf is WAY out of line. 

I'm curious...how is your relationship otherwise?


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## JW8614 (Sep 8, 2014)

introvert said:


> Your bf is WAY out of line.
> 
> I'm curious...how is your relationship otherwise?


We have our good times and our bad times. Honestly, there's more good than bad.

The only issue is that he's the boss at work, he's the boss of his kids, he's the boss of his elderly parents, so he tends to think he's right all the time, because no one ever tells him when he's wrong.

And he's 29 years my senior, so that has it's obstacles.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

JW8614 said:


> We have our good times and our bad times. Honestly, there's more good than bad.
> 
> The only issue is that he's the boss at work, he's the boss of his kids, he's the boss of his elderly parents, so he tends to think he's right all the time, because no one ever tells him when he's wrong.
> 
> And he's 29 years my senior, so that has it's obstacles.


Well, he's not your dad and he's not the boss of you. What will he do if you don't vote for Hillary? Has he mentioned any possible repercussions?

This has my hackles up, as my recent ex was extremely controlling...


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

OOPS...never mind, I see that he threatened to break up with you. Well, I would go ahead and break up. You don't need some daddy telling you who to vote for.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

JW8614 said:


> We have our good times and our bad times. Honestly, there's more good than bad.
> 
> The only issue is that he's the boss at work, he's the boss of his kids, he's the boss of his elderly parents, so he tends to think he's right all the time, because no one ever tells him when he's wrong.
> 
> And he's 29 years my senior, so that has it's obstacles.


I have a solution for you, then. Find a really good therapist, make an appointment for yourself, and start going REGULARLY. At least every two weeks. You're at the age where you need to start reassessing your life, questioning what you've been doing, what you want to do next, who you are. Your therapist will help you settle all these things and see how to chart your future. Including how to interact with your boyfriend. I promise you, it will help.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

He's smart. Anyone who would vote for Trump has mental issues. He should break up with you


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

My husband and I vote differently. His ex wife would never tell him who she voted for, which I thought was odd but whatevs.

He votes his way, I vote mine. End of discussion.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Sounds like he doesn't think of you as an equal tbh. He doesn't respect your right to have your own opinion. I imagine that this issue will rear it's ugly head more and more often as time goes by.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

your boyfriend sounds like a real jerk! Maybe it would be BETTER if he broke up with you!


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

I'd really like to get @jld to weigh in on this.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

The idea that you have to vote a specific way due to race or sexual orientation is just ludicrous. BTW, I won't vote for either one of those two either.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

JW8614 said:


> Just a little background info... We're a gay couple. I'm 30, he's 58, and we've been together for 4 years...


Just curious as to why are you dating someone so much older?!? Do you have a lot in common besides the obvious? I doubt it's slim pickings in the gay community...



JW8614 said:


> I'm a conservative person and I know people (especially gays) hate the word "conservative" and that's fine, but it's who I am. And I could see if I was trying to force my opinions/views down his throat, but I don't. It's actually him who's trying to force his opinions/views down mine.


Team Trump welcomes you with open arms. I don't blame you for not wanting to vote for a criminal either.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

BD please save it for the political section.



BetrayedDad said:


> JW8614 said:
> 
> 
> > Just a little background info... We're a gay couple. I'm 30, he's 58, and we've been together for 4 years...
> ...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

JW has done his usual post and run thing. He won't be back to this thread because we aren't telling him what he wants to hear.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jdawg2015 said:


> BD please save it for the political section.





jdawg2015 said:


> He's smart. Anyone who would vote for Trump has mental issues. He should break up with you


LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> LOL


Damn it, beat me to it.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

You need to for sure have a conversation with him, without him getting overly passionate. This is not a political issue in my eyes, this is one person being overly passionate about something that he is unwilling to hear you straight and pay you any respect. (I too am very passionate about certain issues and I can get so fired up, I don't even hear what the other person is saying). I think you should talk to him and lay the law down, that how he spoke to you was disrespectful and unnecessary. That he needs to shut his mouth for 2 seconds and listen to you. Obviously say this in a nice way lol


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So the Democrats own Black people, do they? Isn't that slavery?:scratchhead:

Your boyfriend needs to have you say this to him:-


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## Nix (Jan 23, 2012)

As a liberal lesbian who is voting for Hillary (along with my W), I say that you have the right to vote for whoever you want and anyone who does not respect that, is not someone you should be dating.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Certainly, you have the right to vote the way you want. By the same token, I have the right to feel that a person's political beliefs could be so at odds with my own that I don't want to be with the person. Someone could feel that way about my beliefs. 

One of my favorite stories is about an old NYC society matron who married her husband in the Depression years. He was old Wall Street and reflected the opinions of his class at the time. When he lay on his death bed, she leaned in and whispered to him that she had voted for FDR four times.

Times have changed. If you disagree so vehemently, you don't have to stay.

OP's bf has strong beliefs about Trump; OP has strong beliefs about his bf's right to feel the way he does. This isn't a match made in heaven.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

BetrayedDad said:


> Team Trump welcomes you with open arms.


:rofl:


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

well, if you DO break up, there is a dating site for that! Think how much easier that first date would be when they ask "so, who ARE you voting for...."

TrumpSingles ? Make Dating Great Again!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Certainly, you have the right to vote the way you want. By the same token, I have the right to feel that a person's political beliefs could be so at odds with my own that I don't want to be with the person. Someone could feel that way about my beliefs.
> 
> One of my favorite stories is about an old NYC society matron who married her husband in the Depression years. He was old Wall Street and reflected the opinions of his class at the time. When he lay on his death bed, she leaned in and whispered to him that she had voted for FDR four times.
> 
> ...


And don't forget, according to JW's chap, apparently not falling at the feet of Hilary is equal to being a worshiper of Trump. Which is utter nonsense.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> Certainly, you have the right to vote the way you want. By the same token, I have the right to feel that a person's political beliefs could be so at odds with my own that I don't want to be with the person. Someone could feel that way about my beliefs.


A lot of mixed feelings on this statement. On the one hand, I agree in the sense that you have every right to dump someone for any reason no matter how ridiculous you're preferences are. 

On the other, I find the lack of tolerance of others views to be extremely disheartening at the very least. "Sorry, honey I love you but you're a conservative.... so this isn't going to work out."

My answer to the dumpee would be if that is how the person feels then you're better off without someone who is so close minded....


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

He's 58 and you're 30...sounds like he treats you like a child. Which sometimes, such age disparities create parent/child type dynamics in romantic relationships. I'd break up with him, I imagine he berates you in other areas, without having to read about it. What could a 58 year old man have in common with a 30 year old? lol


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I don't discuss politics on TAM. I have enough enemies/frenemies, here.

At home, well.......one kid is an Ivy League PHD and a Sanders supporter. The other [also a high achiever] is a Capitalist/Isolationalist.

Some people cuss a blue-streak...........I cuss blood-red........nah.......I espouse my Blood-Red State of Mind....cussing is for Millennials and Teeny Boppers.




Politics is one of the hardest subjects to broach.

The "other side" has a gnarly inner-diameter [ID]. They break my 6-fluted carbide bit, every time. 

I machine with logic. 

Their slippery emotions prevent any hole-truing...... Er...whole Truthing. 

The harder I apply logic, the more soft-soap they apply. Finally, my tool snaps off and splinters.

Our world suffers for the fools selected and elected. Every day on Earth is Ground Hog Day....since Biblical Times...no, before that.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> A lot of mixed feelings on this statement. On the one hand, I agree in the sense that you have every right to dump someone for any reason no matter how ridiculous you're preferences are.
> 
> On the other, I find the lack of tolerance of others views to be extremely disheartening at the very least. "Sorry, honey I love you but you're a conservative.... so this isn't going to work out."
> 
> My answer to the dumpee would be if that is how the person feels then you're better off without someone who is so close minded....


I have no problem tolerating other people's views. What we capture under the banner of 'politics,' however, can cut to the very core of who we are as people. If I am choosing a mate, who is someone I will trust and be intimate with, these things can be dealbreakers. I don't consider it close-minded to say that I will agree to disagree on life/death issues like torture, abortion, or capital punishment, but don't think it's a good match for me if a person is on the other end of the spectrum from me re them.

I'm tolerant, though, BD . We can agree to disagree here as well.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

@JW8614, have you dumped him yet?

Be sure to litter the yard w/ some Trump signs on your way out.

Maybe leave a couple of "Trumper stickers" on his vehicle as well.

:lol: :rofl:


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

JW8614 said:


> Just a little background info... We're a gay couple.* I'm 30, he's 58*, and we've been together for 4 years...
> 
> Last night my boyfriend and I went to a Hillary Clinton fundraiser. I'm not a fan of her (I have my reasons), but I wanted to be a good sport and I wanted to be by boyfriend's side, so I went. Just to be clear, I actually had a good time and I wasn't being rude by constantly rolling my eyes or making snide/sarcastic remarks the whole time.
> 
> ...


My advice here could well be very ignorant. I am working as an ignorant European seeing how feminism has changed between the generations.

You have grown up in a time that has been victory after victory for gay rights. That is a very good thing. For your boyfriend, these victories are temporary and he has seen people who said anti-gay things start to say accepting things and see it as no more that a change in the wind.

Young women hate Hilary Clinton for thinking it is amazing that they can achieve. Older feminsists resent them for not seeing how amazing it is. 

Could it be that it is something similar here? He might well have grown up with a feeling that the old conservative order of society was against him. That you seem (in his eyes) to side with that society might be hurtful to him. 

I grew up as working class in England in the 1980's. Thatcher was PM and would have seen my death as no more significant than that of a cow being made into a hamburger. It took me a while to accept girlfriends who were upper class and thought Thatcher was lovely. In my case, the stakes were lower.

Young women do not like Hilary, as she represented the old generation telling them what to do. To an older generation of women, she is the statement that a woman has every right to achieve. Perhaps, you see not liking Clinton as the younger generation do and he sees it as an older generation do.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> And don't forget, according to JW's chap, apparently not falling at the feet of Hilary is equal to being a worshiper of Trump. Which is utter nonsense.


But is it not similar to older feminist women not understanding why young feminists prefer Sanders?


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

marduk said:


> If the kennedys could welcome Arnold at the table like grown ups, so could he.
> 
> But he's not, because he's a tool.
> 
> So why are you staying with a tool?


And here I thought tools were what being gay was all about...


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

marduk said:


> If the Kennedys could welcome Arnold at the table like grown ups, so could he.
> 
> But he's not, because he's a tool.
> 
> So why are you staying with a tool?


*This! 

While I personally may a progressive, I never hold it against the ones who I may love that may be conservatives at heart!

I say that with regard to politics: "To each their own!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

Hmm, maybe next time he threatens to break up with over not voting , maybe just say ' well hurry up and break up with me then, so you gonna do this now?...cause I got stuff to do, don't have all day ..' You may find it to be an empty threat. It's also quite disrespectful threatening to break up when not getting ones own way , it's quite immature. Anyways that's just my opinion. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

no name said:


> Hmm, maybe next time he threatens to break up with over not voting , maybe just say ' well hurry up and break up with me then, so you gonna do this now?...cause I got stuff to do, don't have all day ..' You may find it to be an empty threat. It's also quite disrespectful threatening to break up when not getting ones own way , it's quite immature. Anyways that's just my opinion.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


He may be the older of the partners in this relationship. 

But he is *not* the more mature partner.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Wow. What an ignorant, racist, bigoted think for a supposed "progressive liberal" to say. It is exactly that attitude why many do not support Hillary and her party, while Trump projects the independent "not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."
> 
> Such hatred coming from your BF.
> 
> BTW, Trump is not conservative.


As much as it pains me to join this conversation, I have to say that the boyfriend's position isn't racist or anything like that. What he doesn't understand is how someone who is black and gay can not vote to the left, since historically blacks and gays are less than people according to those on the right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Begin again said:


> As much as it pains me to join this conversation, I have to say that the boyfriend's position isn't racist or anything like that. What he doesn't understand is how someone who is black and gay can not vote to the left, *since historically blacks and gays are less than people according to those on the right.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not the forum to respond to the part in bold, but you need to understand that Trump is barely to the right of Hillary. Just a smidgen. 
Those of us who actually are on the right don't really want him either, he's just the least liberal of an atrociously bad lot. And btw, most of my friends are politically on the right and none of us believe blacks and gays are less than people. It's a base slur by someone who supports the genocide of the black population.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sorry, I don't buy that. I have a far-right friend (from Alabama) who refused to support the Boy Scouts' flag program because they put up a flag on MLK day. He also was 'going to' move to Canada when Obama was elected.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

turnera said:


> Sorry, I don't buy that. I have a far-right friend (from Alabama) who refused to support the Boy Scouts' flag program because they put up a flag on MLK day. He also was 'going to' move to Canada when Obama was elected.




So you have one data point. I know many racists and they are all long time democrats, until O was elected. Not Alabama but close.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

meh, I could provide you with a dozen Republicans who think I'm going to hell because my DD25's godfather was black or because her two best friends are black or because I don't support Rick Perry or because I'm a Lutheran, not a Baptist...list goes on.

I'll just say that in MY experience, I have only met one Democrat who was so pushy that she would push the other side; the rest just wanted to be left alone. They didn't tell me I was going to hell. They didn't tell me that Republicans would ruin the world. They didn't threaten to leave the country if a Republican got elected. They didn't threaten to boycott my business if I didn't subscribe to their values on abortion. They just wanted to be left alone.

It was the self-righteous Christian right who tried to take over the Republicans who have soured my taste. I used to be a Republican until I started being told what I was allowed to do or not to do, in order to be a 'real' Republican - like give up women's rights. Screw that.

Nowadays, I just vote for whoever's most likely to keep our public lands from being raized.


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