# At the end of my rope . . . I think it is time to throw in the towel



## Isabellam (Aug 23, 2010)

So, I have posted here a few times about my marriage. I wish I could say that things were better, but they are not. I had a conversation with my husband last Friday where I said that I thought it was unfair of him to say that he wanted the children issue off the table, that I needed to know if he wanted children in the future (I am not crazy, I know the thought of a kid right now is out of the question). He got really angry and was very harsh in telling me that the answer was "no until it was yes" - I am not sure what that means. He basically is saying that right now he doesn't want children, but that he will let me know if one day he changes his mind or not. So, what I am supposed to do? keep getting older waiting for him to say yes?
I am very frustrated and sad.

Also, he told me that he is "trying" but he can't get himself to want to sleep with me. Seriously, how is that supposed to make me feel? Am I supposed to just wait for him to decide when he can sleep with me too? 

I am tired. He is the one who cheated, but yet for some reason I need to make him feel "comfortable and safe." 

I hate to make this decision, but I can't spent the next five years of my life hoping that he wants children. When we got married, it was really clear that we would have kids -that was the plan. Yes, we had had some issues, but It is not fair to change that decision becuase of it.

Also, I am the main bread winner here, but get no support from home. He also said that I work too much and he is not sure he wants to take the primarily responsiblity for raising a child. Trust me, even though I work too much - I keep our house running, the bills paid, food in the fridge, the house clean, the laundry done. He complains about having to come home to walk the dog at night.

I think in my heart I know that I am done. I don't want to start another year, or celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary with all this stuff over our heads. Life is too short. If I died today, i would feel completely unfufilled.

Oh -we have been to therapy twice. yet, when I asked himi to find his own therapist to help him deal with the issues that he claims are his - he wanted me to find him a therapist. When I said no, he told me that I was not being supportive.

He also claims that he feels that he is not number 1 in my life, and would hate to be jeaolous of his own kid. He is jealous of the attention I give our dog.

I am done. 

What do you think? Would you stick around hoping for a change?


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## DennisNLA (Jan 26, 2010)

Hi Issabell,

I would suggest that you start working with an individual counselor or clergy member. I also think you should really consider if this is the man you would like to have children with. Three years into your marriage before children he is already cheating on you. It really gets more difficult when children are brought into a marriage. Don't get me wrong, they are one of the best things that have happened in my life, but they will put stress between yourself and your husband. Plus you need to work out issues with him working, or supporting the household, getting onboard. 

Life is too short, talk to a therapist or clergy member about accepting that you may of made a mistake in marrying this man, talk about the possibility of starting over and making a much better decision the second time. I wish you luck in your journey


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## Bluemoon7 (Jan 27, 2010)

I'm sorry. I think that refusing to really discuss the issue of when you might have children is incredibly unfair. It's a fact that women have a ticking clock and it's not nice to string them along and possibly rob them of having a child. However, if he is so unfair about this, and doesn't really seem to want kids, do you really want him to be the father to yours? 

Get counseling for yourself. Also, start working on yourself, spend time with friends....do things that make you happy. Hopefully it will give you clarity about what you want in this short life.


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## Isabellam (Aug 23, 2010)

Thanks everyone. This is great advice. I actually have an appointment with an individual therapist this weekend. I am also doing a yoga program to help me get back in shape in all aspects of my life.

I agree it is time to take care of me. I am at a loss with what to do with him. When I talk about separation he freaks out, but really does nothing to change things.

Life is short! I need to make sure I don't spend it all unhappy.


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