# Ready to Leave (again)



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

Been away from here for a while. I believe when I was last on here my long term partner and I had been on the verge of separation over a nonexistant love life but had managed to come to a reconciliation.

Several years later, it's right back to where it was then. We haven't had sex in 9 months, just about the only time she touches me is a hug or kiss goodbye when one of us is on the way out the door going to work. I don't talk about it with her often because it's an uncomfortable subject, but when finally I do bring it up she tries to turn the discussion around to her issues with the relationship and other problems she is having, we both get defensive, and nothing changes.

We've had this same discussion dozens of times over almost 20 years, and nothing ever changes (at least not for any length of time). I need something I am not getting from her, and I don't believe it will ever change. Regardless of anything else (her issues with the relationship or her other life issues/problems), and regardless of the fact that the rest of our relationship is pretty good, this seems like a reason to end the relationship.

I know part of the problem is with me. I just don't know how to approach/ask her for sex or phyical affection in general, and she's not very affectionate by default. I don't know how to bring it up. I tend to maintain moderate levels of non-pushy affection and wait for some sign that she is interested in more-a sign that never comes. When I finally get the nerve to try and escalate things myself, it is usually met with disinterest and half-hearted going along with it until I give up and stop. Every time this rejection happens it makes me that much less willing to make the effort in the future. I know from what I've read and heard a more assertive approach is more attractive, but I don't know how to do that and I don't think I have it in me, and each rejection makes that more true, and makes me more bitter about it.

I told her today I wanted the relationship to end, but we've been here before, several times. Each time I've let myself be talked into staying, so I can imagine that at this point she doesn't even take me seriously about it. I guess I'll know more after work this evening.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

What you've seen is words/talk is meaningless. The only one keeping you in this is you.

She is who she is. You can't change that and I doubt she can/will either. Plus you've shown her she doesn't have to. 

And you're still doing the same thing. Talking. 

Which means you'll get the same thing again. Stop living on hopium


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

I'm not a person who advises divorce if there's no adultery or physical violence.

However, I fully agree that she is not going to change, ever.

I don't know how people get the idea that providing no sex to their partner is "ok".



Joey2k said:


> I know from what I've read and heard a more assertive approach is more attractive, but I don't know how to do that and I don't think I have it in me, and each rejection makes that more true, and makes me more bitter about it.


Your wife knew, when she married you, that a more assertive approach wasn't "in you". Yet, she agreed to provide herself to you for the rest of your life. More assertive just isn't "in" all of us, apparently, more respectful and less dominating isn't "in" your wife.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TJW said:


> I'm not a person who advises divorce if there's no adultery or physical violence.
> 
> However, I fully agree that she is not going to change, ever.
> 
> ...


I am not sure they are married, he called her his long term partner.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Help me reconcile the fact that you claim the relationship is otherwise good, yet every time the discussion of sex arises, she has issues with the relationship.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> Help me reconcile the fact that you claim the relationship is otherwise good, yet every time the discussion of sex arises, she has issues with the relationship.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


Simple. I hardly ever bring it up.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

So living life completely on her terms is getting you what exactly?

Do you have children?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

joey the only person who can make you stay is you.....not her, she can repeat the same thing over and over again but in the end you are grown boy and should be able to make your own decisions. if you are going to stay have sign a pact outlining what she promise and the minute she does not keep up with it then tell her that you are ending your relationship.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

In the almost 20 years you have been together has she ever liked having sex with you?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Joey2k, have you considered couple's counselling?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

So what exactly ARE her issues with the relationship? Have you been dismissing them all this time? Personally for me, desire for closeness and intimacy suffers badly when things are not going well in the relationship. I guess I need to go back through your old threads, I think I may remember some of your story.


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