# MLC............



## WhatAmIDoing (Apr 30, 2012)

what does it look like??

My wife of almost 22 years has jokingly said that she is going through a MLC. And it has scared the crap out of me. She has changed appearance, she has a more outgoing personality, and the action in the bedroom has gone through the roof!!

If she is still having sex with me, still telling me that she loves me........could she STILL be looking for something else??

This thing has really thrown me for a loop!!


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

If I were you lap it up, it sounds like she loves you, wants you and wants to look good for you, sounds a good thing to me, go enjoy yourselves without worry. Put it this way if you had just met her and she was like this there would be no questions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

From my experiences and reading, two reasons are the most common, but there are additional outliers. One is age related hormonal changes in a woman's 40s (or so), the other is somebody else is on her mind. Those two probably cover 90%.

If you are scared about #2, then you need to do some private investigation to verify, with emphasis on not letting her find out and not tipping your hand. Read the CWI forums here for what to check for and methods to use. If you are hesitant because that seems like you don't trust her, etc, realize that you are protecting your marriage by definitively resolving serious doubts about it that would otherwise cause longer term issues. It would be GREAT to be able to relax and fully enjoy this confidently knowing that it's all about the two of you.


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## WhatAmIDoing (Apr 30, 2012)

Anubis said:


> From my experiences and reading, two reasons are the most common, but there are additional outliers. One is age related hormonal changes in a woman's 40s (or so), the other is somebody else is on her mind. Those two probably cover 90%.
> 
> If you are scared about #2, then you need to do some private investigation to verify, with emphasis on not letting her find out and not tipping your hand. Read the CWI forums here for what to check for and methods to use. If you are hesitant because that seems like you don't trust her, etc, realize that you are protecting your marriage by definitively resolving serious doubts about it that would otherwise cause longer term issues. It would be GREAT to be able to relax and fully enjoy this confidently knowing that it's all about the two of you.


Not scared or concerned about #2. And I KNOW that there have been some hormonal issues going on. She IS getting treated for that. It is just so out of the norm from what I have been used to..................


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

..


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## WhatAmIDoing (Apr 30, 2012)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Your wife is WAY too young for a MLC. They don't occur for another couple of decades when people look at what they have/have not accomplished in their lives and their subsequent dissatisfaction with those accomplishments (or lack thereof.)
> 
> Your wife is STILL YOUNG and is still trying to discover WHO SHE REALLY IS? What she wants out of life, what she wants to be in life, what image she wants to portray to the world of who she is.
> 
> If you have NO REASON to suspect her of infidelity (surreptitious texts or emails, new passwords you're not privy to, unaccounted for time, general dissatisfaction with you or the marriage), then I would suggest she is just growing, changing, trying on 'new' versions of HER to see what she likes.


That is what it looks like as well..............thanks for the post!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I read that he has been married for 22 years. Not that she is 22 years old. Yes this is a very critical time. Two decades later would be around 60.

Hey, we can call this an MLC all we want. I think it is a very natural thing in our lives to go through phases. The hormonal part is huge.

I think the take away is that the OP needs to adjust and make sure his and her needs are being met. That they spend quailty time together. The fact that the sex is better is wonderful.

It never hurts to be vigilant to make sure behaviors do not become inappropriate.

So OP do you guys have transparency? Are your accounts open to one another? Have any outside activities changed? Are there other men showing up or showing interest? It would be natural for them to show interest if she is more outgoing, but we are talking about other men investing time in her. has she started going to the gym, staying out later or in general doing any activities one would expect of a single person?

BTW turning 30, 40 and 50 can be a challenge for many. 40 is common for women. And again hormones are huge.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Sorry, OP, Entropy is right!

I took your original post as meaning your W was about 22yo. (I think I have 'Old Timers'...a precursor to Alzheimer's!) That IS way too young for a MLC. If your W is 40+ she is in the timeframe for a MLC. It doesn't mean she's having a 'crisis' per se, she may just be trying to avoid old stale habits and ways of doing things/looking at things.

I still stand by the following portion of my original post


> If you have NO REASON to suspect her of infidelity (surreptitious texts or emails, new passwords you're not privy to, unaccounted for time, general dissatisfaction with you or the marriage), then I would suggest she is just growing, changing, trying on 'new' versions of HER to see what she likes.


 Your W is now middle-aged. Everyone wants to avoid ageing, or feeling dowdy, or out-of-it, or unattractive. The next major portion of her life (70s+) will be old-age. If she wants to liven herself up now (in mid-life), feel young and vibrant, enjoy new things, those are all GOOD things! It's the people who never change, never grow, never learn new things, never expand their worlds who end up cynical, bitter, and unpleasant.

Change is good at ANY point in life!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Play it safe and check on her activities as noted earlier.

You obviously are concerned that this activity is not normal. Why not rule an affair out (quietly)?


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

WhatAmIDoing said:


> Not scared or concerned about #2. And I KNOW that there have been some hormonal issues going on. She IS getting treated for that. It is just so out of the norm from what I have been used to..................


If you are sure that #2 is a non issue that great. 

Remember, we just saw you come here and post for the very first time. After 22+ years together you should be VERY, VERY in tune (often not at the conscious level) with what is normal for her, and something obviously was NOT, enough such that you came here and posted your concerns. The sad truth is that when this particular situation happens, #2 is the cause a non-trivial amount of the time. In any event, YOU are the one has spent all those years getting tuned into her, so you should know best what to make of it.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Do some casual snooping. Check her phone bills, texts, emails, FB.

If it comes back clean, then enjoy the hot steamy sex and never complain about it ever again or the sexless husband army will hunt you down.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> enjoy the hot steamy sex and never complain about it ever again or the sexless husband army will hunt you down.


DAMN! Are those guys STILL on the march? :rofl:


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

In addition to what others have posted, ask her what she wants! If she is always initiating and coming up with new stuff, you'd better cowboy up and come up with some new ideas, too or she is going to feel like she is the only one pushing the envelope.

Enjoy!


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## WhatAmIDoing (Apr 30, 2012)

DanF said:


> In addition to what others have posted, ask her what she wants! If she is always initiating and coming up with new stuff, you'd better cowboy up and come up with some new ideas, too or she is going to feel like she is the only one pushing the envelope.
> 
> Enjoy!


That's just it. She does not KNOW what she wants. She has told me that she wants us, wants the family, but is tired of the responsibilities that go along with that. I can understand that, but we made this choice TOGETHER!! Nobody was twisting her arm to be a SAHM for 20+ years.........that was her choice! I have never asked her to get a job, or do anything of the sort! It has all been her decision.

Bottom line, there has been some trust issues over the last couple of months.....she has done some things (not infidelity or anything like that) that I FELT were inappropriate, she did not. Emotionally, it has destroyed me! I am slowly getting back to where I was, but she has NOT made it easy by any means!!


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## VostroDH (Apr 16, 2012)

As a woman in her late 40's, I can attest to the drastic changes that hormones can invoke. I too have a sex drive through the roof, lost a lot of weight, and have been reevaluating my life in general--to the point of moving out. Unfortunately, my husband does not seem overly concerned about his lack of attention to my needs over the years and is only concerned with whether I'm having an affair (I'm not). If your W is directing positive energy your way via great sex or changing things up, go with it.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> DAMN! Are those guys STILL on the march? :rofl:


They have plenty of time on their hands and energy to spare. :rofl:


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> They have plenty of time on their hands


Yeah, I'll bet that ain't the ONLY thing...


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

WhatAmIDoing said:


> That's just it. She does not KNOW what she wants. She has told me that she wants us, wants the family, but is tired of the responsibilities that go along with that. I can understand that, but we made this choice TOGETHER!! Nobody was twisting her arm to be a SAHM for 20+ years.........that was her choice! I have never asked her to get a job, or do anything of the sort! It has all been her decision.
> 
> Bottom line, there has been some trust issues over the last couple of months.....she has done some things (not infidelity or anything like that) that I FELT were inappropriate, she did not. Emotionally, it has destroyed me! I am slowly getting back to where I was, but she has NOT made it easy by any means!!


Ok so what were those things. They matter.


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## WhatAmIDoing (Apr 30, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Ok so what were those things. They matter.


I would rather not say what those *things* were. Bottom line, they were things that were done that I FELT an attractive, married woman with children should not be doing. Bordering on being very inappropriate in mind.........SHE did not see it that way.

Yesterday was kind of rough and she accused ME of having a midlife crisis! Maybe I am, but it has her name written all over it!! I am just trying to make sense of her actions. Coming home and telling me who hit on her today, wanting to spend a lot more time around my children's teenage friends, wanting to do things that 8 months ago she would have never done, etc., etc.

I AM trying to be supportive. I AM trying to understand what she is going through, what she is looking for. I have always made an extra effort pay close attention to her needs both physically and emotionally, but it seems as if she is looking for more. As previously stated, I have ALWAYS put her needs above mine. And she has said that she really appreciates that. What more could I give? What more can I do?? Am I missing something blatantly obvious??

Before yesterday, I would have told you that things were going really well. Now it seems we are back at square one! VERY frustrated right now!!


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

WhatAmIDoing said:


> I would rather not say what those *things* were. Bottom line, they were things that were done that I FELT an attractive, married woman with children should not be doing. Bordering on being very inappropriate in mind.........SHE did not see it that way.


Well the more information you share the better idea we have of what's going on.

When you first posted, it sounded like "Hey, everything in my life is great, my wife all of a sudden wants to have tons of mind-blowing sex. What do you think?"

Now it looks more like, "My wife's behavior is changing and she's had inappropriate behavior, including more and crazier sex. What do you think?"

And it sounds like tomorrow it will read, "My wife was having an EA/flirting with guys online and/or in public, she's acting inappropriately, and she's also wanting to do crazier things in bed. What do you think?"

Those "things" matter. Sounds like you are trivializing them. This is a group of anonymous internet users, I have no idea who you are so I don't care what your wife did. My wife is a SAHM that works at a church. We didn't have sex before marriage. A few months ago she was sexting an old friend and sending naked pictures of her body to other guys, then she went out to a bar and had a ONS. There's not anything you could tell me that would make me look down on you or your wife.

The more you post though, the more it does not look good. If you aren't snooping, you need to start. Keyloggers, FB messages, phone bills, checking her phone, emails. Don't share any info that you obtain, it will just facilitate it farther underground and won't stop the behavior. If you find something, DO NOT CONFRONT until you come back here and get advice from seasoned veterans.


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