# 10 years later and my wife wants a seperation



## thelostman (Oct 24, 2012)

My wife and I have been together for almost 10 years. We started off dating when she was turning 17, and I was 19. By the 6Th year we started to plan on having a baby. We got married on our 7 year anniversary. The baby came 2 weeks after that. During our entire relationship my wife has had a problem voicing the way she feels. I said that eventually she would hold so much sh?t in that she would blow up one day, and make a mistake of infidelity, or just leave. Well both has seemed to happen. We both have had issue with infidelity in the last 2 years, but we have...well...she has really worked on letting go of the past, and moving forward. This past weekend I started an argument with her over me not being invited to go have drinks with 2 of her co-workers. 1 guy, and 1 girl. She said the reason was because she just wanted to hang with Friends, which at the time I took for wanting to go out, and cheat. Well I now believe she just wanted to hang out, since its always just me, and her. I took the fight out of control, and yelled at her. Then I said it was over out of anger. 30 seconds later she comes in the room frantically crying saying that she really wanted it to be over. Long story short she doesn't want counseling. She wants a 90 day separation to see 2 things. The first is to see if she will miss me. The second is she wants a chance to experience adulthood on her own seeing how we got together when she was still in school. She says she has never had the chance to take care of herself. Its always been her and her parents, then I came along. She also said she wants to live like an 18-21 year old, but without the promiscuity's. She wants her own apartment as well. I'm so lost seeing how I didn't receive any warning signs!!! Any advice? should I let her, or try to show her why she loved me at the beginning. She said she's not sure if she loves me the way she did years ago. I tell her I love her know, and most of the time her reply is " I Know" I'm really lost, and I've never been this sad before. I'm afraid if she does move out she might meet someone else who might make her think that they are a better fit for her than me. I've made mistakes before we got married, and she made one huge one after we got married. I believe in the vows that we made together, but I don't know about her. How long should I wait. I believe forever, but I'm not trying to look like a fool. I also don't want to try to meet someone else, and it turns out my wife isn't doing the same thing. If we do get back together I don't want to have to tell her I gave in to temptation, and made a mistake. Then we would be here all over again. I'm so lost, and rambling right now. All I want to do is try to keep her in our home, so I can show her that I can be a much better husband to her, but I don't want to hold her back. She says she needs to do this, or she will hate herself for not giving herself a chance to live independently. She shays this is the worst timing, because we have a baby, andjust got married. i'm like " RIGHT!!!!!!". Please any good advice???


----------



## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

She has already met someone else. If you want to have a chance with the marriage, believe this and either hire a PI, or figure out another way to find the OM. Don't beg her and get to work. The other option is to deny this and then you can say you were right about 4 or 5 months from now.


----------



## dumpedandhappy (Aug 17, 2012)

Your relationship with your wife started at an early age, growth happens and questions start nagging inside, feelings change, etc.
It's unfortunate what is happening but this the way things go. 
She wants to try 90 days. So there seems to be some hope maybe? 
You mentioned that you don't want to hold her back and you also mentioned vows. 
So, there it is. Let her do her thing. Give her space. Give her time.
I know how you feel, that whole telling her you Love her and her replying, "I know"...been there, done that!
It hurts. I know it all too well. 
Take time for yourself, and your child. You won't be able to get her out of your head for a long time, be ready.
Focus on your health, physical, it will help balance your mind which is going for a ride for the next while beleive me!
You are right to be afraid but try and be realistic and have hope at the same time...I know it ain't easy. 
Don't despair, don't let yourself down by turning to drink or drugs.....
This is just life, it happens this way sometimes. 
Brother, it doesn't feel like it now...but you will get through this and be happy again...you have jsut as much right for happiness as she does. 
Try to get her into a counsellor if you can, but if she isn't willing to tango...it does take two....
Sorry for your pain, I like others here have been through it..I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!
Be strong and take care of yourself. Back away from her as much as you can, don't beg, don't cry..it ain't worth it.


----------



## thelostman (Oct 24, 2012)

dumpedandhappy said:


> Your relationship with your wife started at an early age, growth happens and questions start nagging inside, feelings change, etc.
> It's unfortunate what is happening but this the way things go.
> She wants to try 90 days. So there seems to be some hope maybe?
> You mentioned that you don't want to hold her back and you also mentioned vows.
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## thelostman (Oct 24, 2012)

Thanks dumpedandhappy... It just sucks thinly your (me) in the relationship that everyone says is perfect. I'll take your advice minus the drinking. Although I'm not trying to over do the booze...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

