# Ted Talk touches on Sexual Frequency



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

So I'm watching this TED talk about personality, and he touched on how often (statistically) introverted men /women and extroverted men/women have sex.

Introverted men - 3.1 times per month
Extroverted men - 5.5 times per month
Introverted women - 3.0 times per month
Extroverted women - 7.2 times per month

I thought it was interesting, and it actually makes sense. However, it made me chuckle that extroverted women have more sex than extroverted men lol

Thoughts? Here is the video:


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> So I'm watching this TED talk about personality, and he touched on how often (statistically) introverted men /women and extroverted men/women have sex.
> 
> Introverted men - 3.1 times per month
> Extroverted men - 5.5 times per month
> ...


Where was he taking the poll.
A ****ing monastery?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I can't watch the video right now. Anyway, in a relationship, or not - or averaged for introverts and extroverts? You would expect seriously dating and married couples to have a higher frequency than singles who are not in long term relationships, for example, whether introverted or extroverted.

My wife and I are both very introverted, but for the first 12 or 13 years together, it was more like 40x a month.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Extroverted people are probably better at communicating their desires than introverted people are, which would partly account for why extroverted women get the most sex. If they are paired with an introverted man they would likely still get plenty of sex, because they would be more happy about initiating and their partner would be happy about it too.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

It is a truth of statistics that just because an average is 5, that does not mean everyone surveyed said "5."

I guess the 40 times a month would be balanced out by my introverted ex-h, who preferred less than once per year the last few years of our marriage lol

The thing it illustrated to me is that there are things besides gender that can determine sex ual frequency and desire, so when we generalize strictly by gender....we are probably wrong.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> Extroverted people are probably better at communicating their desires than introverted people are, which would partly account for why extroverted women get the most sex. If they are paired with an introverted man they would likely still get plenty of sex, because they would be more happy about initiating and their partner would be happy about it too.


Whenever I heard anyone give the definition of the words introvert and extrovert, they always said something to the effect of "introverts get energy from within but extroverts get enegy from without".

I later realized that means introverts can entertain themselves but extroverts are attention *****s. In a meeting we all had to tell the room something that no one knew about us previously. One really outgoing account manager said she was an introvert because she needed alone time. They all looked at her like she had three heads. That completely blew up their stereotype of an introvert.


I could see a woman who needs a lot of attention getting laid as much as she wants. It seems like common sense to me when you define the terms the way I did.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Jus260 said:


> Whenever I heard anyone give the definition of the words introvert and extrovert, they always said something to the effect of "introverts get energy from within but extroverts get enegy from without".
> 
> I later realized that means introverts can entertain themselves but extroverts are attention *****s. In a meeting we all had to tell the room something that no one knew about us previously. One really outgoing account manager said she was an introvert because she needed alone time. They all looked at her like she had three heads. That completely blew up their stereotype of an introvert.
> 
> ...


Neat, except that is NOT the actual definition of introverts and extroverts.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

7.2 times per month is 1.66 times per week. I wouldn't consider that to be a lot of sex.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

CynthiaDe said:


> 7.2 times per month is 1.66 times per week. I wouldn't consider that to be a lot of sex.


The point is not that it is a lot. The interesting point to me was that extroverted WOMEN seemed to have sex the most. When we are constantly told that men will die after 3 days and women all hate sex and don't need it cause we don't have chest hair lol


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> The point is not that it is a lot. The interesting point to me was that extroverted WOMEN seemed to have sex the most. When we are constantly told that men will die after 3 days and women all hate sex and don't need it cause we don't have chest hair lol


haha It is funny that it's the opposite of what most people would say is true. I don't know if men really want sex more than women, but if they do it would stand to reason that extroverted women would get the most sex if most men wanted it more than most women. If that were the case then extroverted women would seldom get turned down for sex even by an introverted man who apparently wants sex at least as much as she does. If women don't want sex as much as men, then extroverted men would get turned down a lot more by women who didn't want it as much as he did. Of course this is all speculation. I have no idea whether men in general want sex more than women in general.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

CynthiaDe said:


> haha It is funny that it's the opposite of what most people would say is true. I don't know if men really want sex more than women, but if they do it would stand to reason that extroverted women would get the most sex if most men wanted it more than most women. If that were the case then extroverted women would seldom get turned down for sex even by an introverted man who apparently wants sex at least as much as she does. If women don't want sex as much as men, then extroverted men would get turned down a lot more by women who didn't want it as much as he did. Of course this is all speculation. I have no idea whether men in general want sex more than women in general.


This hurts my head but I like it.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

This needs another layer of statistics. 

As in how is an introvert's/extrovert's frequency affected when their partner is the opposite?

I suppose this works well for the unattached, and are free to hook up with their own kind.

But in my experience, most introverts marry extroverts (or vice versa if you prefer). This actually makes sense because there's not enough air time to go around for two extroverts, unless they are very well managed, and two introverts are unlikely to come together in the first place. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201311/why-introverts-and-extroverts-attract-each-other

I'd love to be getting those extrovert numbers, but my very introverted wife has other ideas. I suspect that's a rather frequent pattern (regardless of which gender is the extrovert and which is the introvert).


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

It was a 15 minute talk. I thought it was interesting. I'm not trying to get a PhD lol


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> So I'm watching this TED talk about personality, and he touched on how often (statistically) introverted men /women and extroverted men/women have sex.
> 
> Introverted men - 3.1 times per month
> Extroverted men - 5.5 times per month
> ...


*That's because extroverted women, more especially those in a marriage, have a far greater tendency to cheat!

Just ask my RSXW! *


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Wow, nice generalization...


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

If we're just talking about hetero sex, we will need some percentage of intro/extro for both genders that makes both genders have sex the same # of times per month. Obviously, 50/50 for both genders is going to have the 2 genders having sex a difft. # of times/month.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Jus260 said:


> I later realized that means introverts can entertain themselves but extroverts are attention *****s..





personofinterest said:


> Neat, except that is NOT the actual definition of introverts and extroverts.


Right?!

I tend to test "extrovert" I value alone time, so much so I am sure to schedule a good 15 hours a week of solitude. But that does not make me an introvert.

Here is a compare and contrast of two personality types (I am an ESTJ). One starts with E for extrovert, the other I for introvert, with the other variables being the same:




> *ESTJs are extremely open and direct* but they don’t really truly ‘get’ or understand emotions. Everything is translated into facts and data and presented in a logical way that can leave people feeling processed.
> 
> *Deep and private ISTJs will tend to tend to keep their feelings to themselves* and until they have the measure of people will be* unlikely to proactively share their feelings*. Too much interaction sucks their energies.


I am a super direct person. And that is no exception when it comes to sex. If I want it, he will KNOW. I don't do the playing coy stuff. And as a woman, that makes getting sex extremely easy.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

I shouldnthave said:


> Right?!
> 
> I tend to test "extrovert" I value alone time, so much so I am sure to schedule a good 15 hours a week of solitude. But that does not make me an introvert.
> 
> ...


I'm sure some people tend to be more outgoing than others, but I put Meyers-Briggs up there w/ astrology for understanding human behavior.


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## workerbee (Feb 15, 2018)

Well that explains a lot.
No wonder I feel conflicted, I am sending mixed messages.
I tend to be Myers in the kitchen and Briggs in the bedroom.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I shouldnthave said:


> Right?!
> 
> I tend to test "extrovert" I value alone time, so much so I am sure to schedule a good 15 hours a week of solitude. But that does not make me an introvert.
> 
> ...


And that's a great way to be! No beating around the bush. 
And what's not generally recognized is most extroverts do value alone time when needed, for balance in their lives.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I'm sensing that the extra verts found this Ted talk interesting and amusing while the introverts are highly offended and picking it apart lol. Then again, I'm just an attention W***e, right?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I'm an extreme introvert, and I'm going through my 6th year of perimenopause, yet I think about sex all the time.

It would be interesting to know the subtleties behind the statistics - people's standards and preferences in relation to their temperament.

In terms of relationships and sex, I want depth and meaning and a genuine, reciprocal connection. I bond very easily, so casual interaction isn't for me. I only want one man.

I'm also in my head a lot. I'm a researcher. I read a great deal, and I'm very creative when it comes to sex. 

When discussing this topic with men my age (50s), most of them, whether introverted or extroverted, don't have my drive. 

With the right man, I could easily have sex twice a day. And where their interests seem to come across as more standard, I'm the one who'd like to experiment and be more original.



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> But in my experience, most introverts marry extroverts (or vice versa if you prefer). This actually makes sense because there's not enough air time to go around for two extroverts, unless they are very well managed, and two introverts are unlikely to come together in the first place.


I find extroverts exhausting, but maybe an extroverted man would be exciting. At least in the sexual arena. I don't think I could take it, socially.

My ex-husband was introverted like me, and that combination was the cause of much frustration.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Neat, except that is NOT the actual definition of introverts and extroverts.


I'm sure you can find a definition to fit anyone's narrative. 

Webster says : to turn inward or in upon itself: such as
a : to concentrate or direct upon oneself
b : to produce psychological introversion in

That doesn't necesarily imply that introverts are afraid to interact with people which is the typical stereotype for introversion. I'm sure you can find a thousand examples or interpretations that state otherwise with no effort. It depends on who is telling the story.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> I'm sensing that the extra verts found this Ted talk interesting and amusing while the introverts are highly offended and picking it apart lol. Then again, I'm just an attention W***e, right?


For the record, I didn't actually open the link. I planned to later but never got around to it. I don't have that much data in my mobile plan to watch videos at work.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

I know that for men who have a hard time attracting women, the vast majority would consider themselves to be introverted. One of the biggest things they can do to turn themselves around is to get "out there" more. Don't hide away in the shadows and people watch. Put yourself in the middle of the crowd. Show no fear of judgment or failure. You accomplish this by trying a little at a time. Asking strangers for directions. Making a point to talk to three new people at the next company party. Ask a guy at the gym for pointers on the exercise he is doing. Talk to cute girl at the coffee shop. Talk to 30 new girls over the next week. 

Extroversion signals lack of fear and anxiety. It signals confidence. Leadership potential. 

That's all very attractive.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

minimalME said:


> I find extroverts exhausting, but maybe an extroverted man would be exciting. At least in the sexual arena. I don't think I could take it, socially.
> 
> My ex-husband was introverted like me, and that combination was the cause of much frustration.


I used to get frustrated at how quickly I would exhaust my wife. Early on in our marriage I learned to throttle back so as not to stress her. 

Prior to meeting her, my only other serious LTR was with an extreme introvert, far more so even than my wife. My brother is dead opposite, a dead serious introvert... who married an eternally bubbly extrovert. My marriage now stands at 31 years and my brothers is at 24 years.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Actually, there is some logic behind Meyers Briggs... Not a whole lot of solid psychology tho. The thing most people complain about it is the non repeatability. I've done it a dozen times over decades and it's been solid for me. But that's one case. 

There's too much emphasis on introvert and extrovert classifications, and not as much into emotional processing. 

It's ok for a general predictor in the workplace type thing, but not as much into details. Corporate types lap it up tho. 

My biggest concern is that introvert and extrovert classifications are not cast in stone. I'm extrovert with sprinkles. But with some people only and not everyone. Likewise introvert. I think there's a lot of situational classifications that are missed in the process, or different reasons for the perceived introversion. Heck, it's not even a binary determination, but more of a scale.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Well... The two were mother and daughter


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

john117 said:


> Actually, there is some logic behind Meyers Briggs... Not a whole lot of solid psychology tho. The thing most people complain about it is the non repeatability. I've done it a dozen times over decades and it's been solid for me. But that's one case.
> 
> There's too much emphasis on introvert and extrovert classifications, and not as much into emotional processing.
> 
> ...


Yes.
I've done the MBTI a half dozen times across the last three decades. There was significant variation from test to test on most axes, although I did consistently score on the extroverted side of that particular continuum.

I pursued this with the facilitator, who was adamant that personality type is fixed and any variations are due to necessary adaptations to current environment and requirements; i.e. I had to behave differently (and therefore internalize a personality which may not inherently be mine) to be a successful squadron commander in charge of 450 military personnel executing a dangerous mission than I do currently as a consultant/subject matter expert focused on meeting current client needs. 

I don't really buy it. I believe I truly have changed over the years, not just outwardly manifested modified behavior.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> The point is not that it is a lot. The interesting point to me was that extroverted WOMEN seemed to have sex the most. When we are constantly told that men will die after 3 days and women all hate sex and don't need it cause we don't have chest hair lol


This is easy to answer. Lets just say you and me are both single. We both go out and hit the bar because we are both horny and want to get laid. Both are extreme extroverts, and fairly good looking. With the end goal being to take someone home and have sex, what is the probability of you, a woman, vs me, a man, going home with someone that night to have sex with? I would say for a woman, extrovert, decent looking enough, the probability is basically 100%. For a guy, very confident, handsome, great teeth and smile, funny, in excellent shape, complimentary, gift of gab... Every positive thing you can be to attract a woman, a real lady killer... He's got about a 60%-70% chance. 

There is a very good reason a woman who has lots of sex with different men is a *****, and a man who has lots of sex with different women is a stud. It actually takes looks and an awful lot of skill for a man. For a woman, you basically just have to say yes which takes no skill at all and frankly, you dont even have to look that good. Of course, the better you look, the more options you have, and the pool of men you can choose from and say yes to grows. 

An extroverted woman can go pick up a guy for sex any given night with relative ease.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Except that picking up all sorts of dudes was never appealing to me.

I assumed the study was for people married or in relationships. But it didnt really say either way. So apparently I projected my own thing onto it. Which is interesting personally.

I'm wondering now if the reason introverts tended to have lower frequency is because they might tend to initiate less or be less overt?

Then again, introversion doesnt preclude being assertive.

Out of curiosity I took the same MB test i took years ago. Even though i tipped toward extrovert, it was much less pronounced. My husband is much more extraverted. I wonder if, in balance, i have "relaxed" my extraversion a bit. My previous husband was practically antisocial, so i tried to compensate so we'd have friends lol


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

"A key that can open many locks is called a master key, but a lock that can be opened my many keys is a sh!tty lock"


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> "A key that can open many locks is called a master key, but a lock that can be opened my many keys is a sh!tty lock"


I know this is a terrible saying, hut honestly, I wouldnt wanna stick my key (if I had one) in a lock like that.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Introverts have less sex just because they don't like to be social butterflies. So the bar scene or clubs are not to their liking. Butttt... then came OLD. Now introverts can swipe right and have a healthy sex life.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am introverted so I get drained by being with people too much, but with my husband I am very chatty and open. Introvert isnt the same as shy and quiet. Some introverts can be very chatty and friendly but only for short periods.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> I am introverted so I get drained by being with people too much, but with my husband I am very chatty and open. Introvert isnt the same as shy and quiet. Some introverts can be very chatty and friendly but only for short periods.


Exactly. My kids are definitely introverts, but they can socialize. They just need down time. Actually I'm that way at times. We did a lot of social things leading up to and on the 4th of July. I choose to telework the next 2 days because I just needed quiet and space. I was DRAINED.

And sometimes after a day of meetings and calls, I'm quiet in the evening, and hubby asks me if something is wrong lol


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## cashcratebob (Jan 10, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Where was he taking the poll.
> A ****ing monastery?


I had to go back and look at it after your quote; I saw weeks not months....because I guess I thought that would be normal.


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## cashcratebob (Jan 10, 2018)

Change to weeks and it lines up pretty close with me and my wife...both slightly introverted.


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## cashcratebob (Jan 10, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> Except that picking up all sorts of dudes was never appealing to me.
> 
> I assumed the study was for people married or in relationships. But it didnt really say either way. So apparently I projected my own thing onto it. Which is interesting personally.
> 
> ...


Absolutely I suspect that is what it is, especially within the dating scene, but even within committed relationships.

However, when it comes to committed relationships I think it gets a smidge dicey. I am (think I am) introverted, but with my wife that isn't my personality at all. I think my wife would say she sees some of my introverted tendencies with her but not nearly as much as when we are in a social setting. I am certainly significantly more social and more direct/initiating with her and her with me. 

It is hard for me not to conclude with some of the other posters, that the extroverted women stat is coming from the dating scene where her being more open and direct gets her sex; where the same wouldn't be true for a man.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

cashcratebob said:


> Change to weeks and it lines up pretty close with me and my wife...both slightly introverted.


How are things going with your wife.No further “Incidents” I hope.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

workerbee said:


> Well that explains a lot.
> No wonder I feel conflicted, I am sending mixed messages.
> I tend to be Myers in the kitchen and Briggs in the bedroom.


ewww, you're an old dead lady in the sack??


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I get my ashes hauled 2-3 time per week. I don't understand the .5. Is that half sex?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

workerbee said:


> Well that explains a lot.
> No wonder I feel conflicted, I am sending mixed messages.
> I tend to be Myers in the kitchen and Briggs in the bedroom.


Guess it's better than a Briggs and Stratton in the garage. :grin2:


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## cashcratebob (Jan 10, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> How are things going with your wife.No further “Incidents” I hope.


Not to thread jack, but things are going really good, thanks for asking. I feel like we are back to where we were before last September. I am back to where I was for sure (not worrying, doubting, paranoia) and we have really grown in our communication, being clear and direct (especially me) and not letting anything at all fester. 

I read the MMSLP, I didn't agree with everything but some of it really did help get our intimate life as good, if not better, than it was before. It also assuaged any of my doubts/insecurities when she did positively respond to the little changes I made. It sent a clear sign that she was into me and that the incident(s) were more a matter of poor judgement (her) and communication (us)...

...not to say there wasn't some attraction there. But we don't need to get into all that. And the reality is I except that now, I except that she is capable of that and it doesn't mean she is "wrong", but just that she needs to guard herself a little better. 

End thread jack.

....Introverts are better.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It's all abouts creating time for what each person or couple find are priorities in their lives. If sex/intimacy is important it will show. 
W and I schedule time every day and 80 to 95% spend that time just the two of us in bed. That's just our pattern. YMMV.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> Except that picking up all sorts of dudes was never appealing to me.
> 
> I assumed the study was for people married or in relationships. But it didnt really say either way. So apparently I projected my own thing onto it. Which is interesting personally.
> 
> ...


Yeah I don't think picking up all sorts of dudes is appealing to many women at all thankfully. Likewise, thankfully there are a few of them out there as well. Of course you can't make a hoe a housewife, but you can have a night of fun with one. Just gotta double bag it and make sure you take a few showers afterwords and never call her again.


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## MichelleThoughts (Jun 24, 2018)

I would have never guessed that correlation between extroverts and more frequent sex. My husband and I are both introverts and have frequent sex. I guess I always assumed introverts liked sex more frequently than extroverts simply because of my own experiences and a few conversations I have had with others. Maybe that bias is because I talk about this stuff with so few women overall. My sister-in-law has become basically my best friend because I just have so few friends. And she is an extrovert but doesn't seem to have a sex drive at all and reluctantly gives into my husband's brother once in a while. 

As far as being introverted goes, I reserve all that energy and attention for my husband. I just don't have much energy for people outside my immediate family. I always sort of assumed other people were the same way. The people who were more private reserved more of their attention to their spouse. But obviously the research says otherwise so I could be totally wrong.

I do wonder what the controls were on that study. Being an introvert, I hated dating and was single for a while and therefore didn't have sex at all for a period of nine months before I met my husband. If they were looking at people in general, I could see extroverts going on more dates and therefore having more sex. But if they only look at people in committed relationships, I wonder if they would find very different results.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I think this thread seems to indicate that couples who value sex have it, and couples where one or both don't dont have it as much.

The people I have sympathy for are the people who value it who are married to someone who doesn't.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I don't really buy it. I believe I truly have changed over the years, not just outwardly manifested modified behavior.


I'm of the opinion that if the test has validity, it only has it once for a given subject. Once you know what the test is measuring, you're no longer answering the questions blindly. 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Cletus said:


> I'm of the opinion that if the test has validity, it only has it once for a given subject. Once you know what the test is measuring, you're no longer answering the questions blindly.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


There is some truth to that. I can totally change the results if I want to, but if I answer honestly (and other than playing with it out of curiosity, and to gauge sensitivity to varied inputs for robustness, is there any reason to skew the results?), I always get the same over-all result, with minor variances as I do change in some ways over time.


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