# revenge affair



## ppl (Apr 8, 2010)

anybody with experience. does it help overcome feelings by having revenge affair or does it escalate situation. would seem to make orignal offender realize there are complications and even the playing field.


----------



## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Are you intending to end the marriage or hoping for it to survive?


----------



## ppl (Apr 8, 2010)

i really dont know. certainly dont want it to survive like this. i dont see it as trust issue would even announce intention ahead of doing it. tired of trying to be nice, uneven footing. there is no respect given for forgiving. strength is respected. if you lay down and forgive then why wouldnt spouse do again?


----------



## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

you mention respect. might you lose your self-respect if you violate the very principles whose abuse has caused you this distress? two wrongs...


----------



## simple_girl (Mar 24, 2010)

steve71 said:


> you mention respect. might you lose our self-respect if you violate the very principles whose abuse has caused you this distress? two wrongs...


I agree here. If you go out and intentionally try to hurt someone (spouse/another woman, etc.) for spite's sake, not only do you lose your own self respect, you could hurt or even traumatize yourself in the process.

IMO, instead of using quick emotion as an excuse, you should work through your feelings and try to make sense of what events led up to the affair in the first place. 

Good luck!


----------



## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

There is also the woman you going to have the fling with. Are you going to go and find a woman that wants to participate in this revenge affair or are you going to [email protected]#$ with somebody else's life as well? Collateral damage and all...

Lets go with three wrongs don't make a right.


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Might even be four or more wrongs; as that person may have a spouse as well, or perhaps even children. You may want to have your prospective "Ho" fill out some sort of survey or questionnaire prior to commencing to limit the potential for "collateral damage". 

I'm sorry, but you really only have two choices on the table. You can try to work towards reconciliation, or you can pursue a divorce. Everyone, well as many as 4 people +/- 3, loose with the revenge affair plan. I think you get the idea.

LIL


----------



## ppl (Apr 8, 2010)

interesting responses. there are many people out there searching for NSA. you dont need to personalize that i will bed your wives. i am talking of being totally honest with all parties. i will never forgive myself for letting me be abused and not taking action. its happened before and my wife is so secure in my love that she doesnt believe it possible i would do so. last night was a lot of fun. being with someone who found me exciting was great. yes not emotional connection but i now know i am not an undesirable troll. even being asked for second date. whether d or not i now know there is sex after marriage and i am desirable. found it pretty easty to find someone. now have courage to stand up for my rights and feelings.


----------



## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

There is a saying I really like: "When plotting revenge it is best to dig two graves', or something of the sort. A revenge affair won't do anything to heal your marriage. Great, now you know you are desirable...to who? Someone who is more than willing to sleep with a married man. Big deal. A woman of quality would not touch a married man with a ten foot pole. It's not, and will never be hard to pick up an easy woman/man--and I can't say that it really validates your self worth in any way. All it shows, it that you are desirable to people who have no respect for themselves.


----------



## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

_:scratchhead: i'll be short/concise w/you (i hope, lol)

you must be young/immature in love relationships etc. i remember the feelings u have/had, 
but that was back in H.S. & college days, for me anyways.
i understand yer frustration, & both of yer self-esteem issues but yer wifes the culprit here, u really wanna join HER rank(s)? Really? think about it, dont dis & dismiss.

if yer perceptions correct in that she takes yer forgiveness for 
granted and u r fearing "once a cheater always a cheater"
then u need to plan an exit strategy from this tramp.

if u r wrong then christian counseling should help sort out the 
issues btwn u-2, as she can learn from her mistake(s) too.

other good pts made here already, wont repeat 'em.

good luck amigo!:smthumbup:_


----------



## ppl (Apr 8, 2010)

well it did get results, now she is willing to go to get marriage counc. you know repeaded i love you is only a way to nag. have discovered that being mature, bending over backwards forgiving appears to be sign of weakness to alot of women. people/women respect strength. if you dont want to be with me i will be with someone else. read about controlling husbands on this site a lot. they are insecure and unsure. i never want to be in that position. if wife is not going to provide type of relationship i want, what we had, then time to move on. children grown, financially sound, after 24 years, i cannot provide her a reason to love me. she certainly didnt respect me. there is a saying amoung gamblers, dont wager what your not willing to lose. her infidelities indicates how much i was dispensible.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

You know what, I am not going to judge your motives, IF this is what has gotten results for you, caught the wife's attention FINALLY, if this is what it has taken after X amount of years being taken advantage off & numerous infideities on her part, then by golly, who am I to judge. (But yeah, I hope you were HONEST with the 3rd party!) 

I think there REALLY is something to be said & learned, when one spouse is TOO nice, TOO accomondating, too available for any kind of abuse, we do tend to take them for granted. Maybe this (unfortunetly) was the medicine to wake *HER* up. There DEFINETLY is something to be said about learning your ever so faithful -would die for you spouse is capable of having feelings towards another, or others are interested & find them desirable. I think just realizing this fact alone - could REsurrect some broken one sided marraiages. 

Again, this does NOT make it right or recommended. Surely not what most of us should ever do! 


Maybe it gave your wife the reality -the IMPACT she needed - like that song..."Don't know what you got Till it's gone". 

How did you let her know you did this- how was her reaction? Total SHOCK, disbelief, did it bring back some passion in her ? Obvioulsy a willingness for Counseling, that is a great start!


----------



## ppl (Apr 8, 2010)

she offered e mails passwords etc. calling telling me where she was. told her that none of that was needed. she was free to see who she wanted and do what she wanted. at the time she was cruising craigs list casual list. told her i would do same. just ask her to be discrete so neighbors kids etc would not know. told her the same went for me. didnt come home and she asked. never ask question you dont want to hear answer to. i am not going to be policeman and checking up. i doubt my trust will ever fully be restored. no ammount of snooping will help. you just teach them how to lie better.


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Mommybean said:


> There is a saying I really like: "When plotting revenge it is best to dig two graves', or something of the sort. A revenge affair won't do anything to heal your marriage. Great, now you know you are desirable...to who? Someone who is more than willing to sleep with a married man. Big deal. A woman of quality would not touch a married man with a ten foot pole. *It's not, and will never be hard to pick up an easy woman/man--and I can't say that it really validates your self worth in any way. All it shows, it that you are desirable to people who have no respect for themselves*.


Very well said MB. I think we should include parts of this response in 4 point micro-font on the bottom corner of people's marriage certificates. It's truly sad when people get so desperate for affection in a marriage that they can mistake dog food for steak. 

LIL


----------



## tiffgirl (Apr 18, 2010)

I don't see any good that could come from this - If you don't want to be with the person and are considering cheating then break up - try being with someone else - then decide if you want to try to get back together. But to cheat will only cause more problems and the other person will be able to throw it in your face if they find out. Two wrongs don't make a right. - you will only end up hurting yourself more.


----------

