# long time lurker



## TheMoon (Feb 3, 2016)

Hello,

I've honestly been lurking on TAM for 3 or 4 years. I have found myself really wanting to respond to posts now and then, so I decided to finally register.

I'm a woman. Married 13 years, together 15 years. We have a lot of young children and more on the way. My h is low T, and I think he always has been. We've struggled with all that entails. Our other struggles are his immaturity and my passive-aggressive Nice Girl syndrome. We have both made a lot of headway with our separate issues, but not with the low T since he refused to acknowledge the blood work results. 

Our marriage is not great, but it is slowly improving over what it was. :smile2:
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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Welcome and i hope you find great advice to help you further improve the marriage, but here is the question...is he ready to help improve the marriage? one person does not make a great marriage


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

How low T is he? Low enough that doctor recommended testosterone injections / patch or just low end of the normal range? Below 400?


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## TheMoon (Feb 3, 2016)

Xenote said:


> Welcome and i hope you find great advice to help you further improve the marriage, but here is the question...is he ready to help improve the marriage? one person does not make a great marriage


I think so. He has dug his heels in a lot, but he IS trying. 
Lately we are both tiptoing around each other, so ..... not very productive.
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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

Can you flesh out a bit the part where you said you think he has probably always been low T? Are there behaviors or attributes he always showed that led you to thinking this!


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## TheMoon (Feb 3, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> How low T is he? Low enough that doctor recommended testosterone injections / patch or just low end of the normal range? Below 400?


Around 300. With all the usual symptoms minus excess body fat. 

The doftor called it normal, and my h was not forthcoming about symptoms. I should have went with him.

What I need to do is find another doctor who actually does TRT, so we can redo blood work and get a second opinion. 

However, I forgot to mention he is a very heavy drinker. Since drinking in the capacity he does can greatly reduce T and increase estrogen, I'm not sure if we are dealing with a cause or symptom. I have gotten him to reduce his binge drinking down to three days per week. I think it has really helped.
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## TheMoon (Feb 3, 2016)

EVG39 said:


> Can you flesh out a bit the part where you said you think he has probably always been low T? Are there behaviors or attributes he always showed that led you to thinking this!


The fogginess. Low libido. Low ambition. He almost seemed depressed, yet content with it. He mostly had female friends, and would spoon all night without a sexual thought. Lack of morning wood. Some of our friends wondered if he was gay, even though our gay friends said no way. He himself has said he went through phases of not feeling sexual at all. But then it all bumps up when I get him exercising and cutting down on drinking. 

I've observed the patterns enough over the years, that I can tell when he is about to go into a slump.
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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Did the doctor say it was normal for him or just normal for some people? That is a BIG difference. I bet you are not getting what the doctor said, just what your husband "heard". I get my T checked every 6 months. 

There are many good websites or web articles on how to naturally increase T production. They all state stopping excessive drinking as a must. 

You are right. A doctor that specializes in men's hormones will much more likely prescribe TRT - that is how they make there money. But there are side effects - including shrinkage of private parts as a man's body shuts down its own T production. Most insurance plans will not pay for TRT unless is its very low - 280 ish or lower. Check with your insurance. 

Moodiness and other effects from Low T will spill over into your marriage. Your already know that. Is H willing to give up the drinking, do resistance training, take supplements (zinc, vitamin D) , eat better etc, all that he can do to get the T up? I got mine from 400 to 480 in a year and am sure I could have reached 550 with more effort. That was big change for me and I assume I am a decade older than your H. 

He can do this if he really wanted to. One drinking day per week, two if special occasions.


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

Well, I think based on what you said there is no harm in getting his T checked again . And like blueinbr points out there are a lot of good websites out there that tell a man things he can do to raise his T naturally. The one I like best is by a guy who goes by the handle "Anabolic Man". Even if its not his T levels, doing those things recommended by AM and others is going to get him in far better shape than he is now so that should improve things in all areas. Especially his own feelings about himself and his confidence level. 
One thing you also might want to look at, that you already alluded to when you spoke about the positive effect exercise has on him, are ways for him to keep getting his nervous system stimulated. That could be what is going on with his arousal when he is exercising in addition to also raising his T levels. Activities like lifting heavy weights (which you want him to do anyway for raising the T), good old physical labor, swimming, getting a massage (get yourself a book), cold showers, a hot tub/whirlpool, swimming, hobbies that make him use his body like woodworking or restoring cars, taking walks with a weighted vest, sleeping under a weighted blanket (you can buy these on the net), dancing (you two could take a class), etc. all provide "food" for nervous system stimulation. It gets his "motor running" as physical therapists say and as you have already noticed. 
And while you didn't say what he is drinking, it its beer know this, a heavy beer drinker is practically mainlining estrogen into his body. 
Good Luck to you and let us know how things progress.


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## TheMoon (Feb 3, 2016)

EVG39 said:


> Well, I think based on what you said there is no harm in getting his T checked again . And like blueinbr points out there are a lot of good websites out there that tell a man things he can do to raise his T naturally. The one I like best is by a guy who goes by the handle "Anabolic Man". Even if its not his T levels, doing those things recommended by AM and others is going to get him in far better shape than he is now so that should improve things in all areas. Especially his own feelings about himself and his confidence level.
> One thing you also might want to look at, that you already alluded to when you spoke about the positive effect exercise has on him, are ways for him to keep getting his nervous system stimulated. That could be what is going on with his arousal when he is exercising in addition to also raising his T levels. Activities like lifting heavy weights (which you want him to do anyway for raising the T), good old physical labor, swimming, getting a massage (get yourself a book), cold showers, a hot tub/whirlpool, swimming, hobbies that make him use his body like woodworking or restoring cars, taking walks with a weighted vest, sleeping under a weighted blanket (you can buy these on the net), dancing (you two could take a class), etc. all provide "food" for nervous system stimulation. It gets his "motor running" as physical therapists say and as you have already noticed.
> And while you didn't say what he is drinking, it its beer know this, a heavy beer drinker is practically mainlining estrogen into his body.
> Good Luck to you and let us know how things progress.


Completely agree. 
I've read so much on natural means of T boosting. He just isn't interested or 
motivated. I've asked. I've prodded. I've invited him to lift with me. 
He does enjoy his annual backpacking trip. He does a lot of bicycling. He does a lot of cardio, but no lifting. I am actually physically stronger than him, since I'm into powerlifting.

And yeah, he drinks a lot of beer. I can tell if he switches to a more hoppy beer because the shape of his nipples will change in a matter of weeks from being overly estrogenic.

Thing is, I can't force him to actively improve himself. I can only improve me, errect some proper boundaries, communicate what I want, and then get on with life. I became such a doormat over the years that it will be a while before I have his full respect again. So, I'm working on that first before I readdress the testosterone issue. Until then, I just need the occasional reassurance I'm not crazy.:wink2:
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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

Ok you are not crazy, not by a long shot m'am! Your last paragraph says that in spades. You are doing exactly what a lot of us recommend men do in similar situations. Right down to the lifting. And kudos to you for going all the way to powerlifting. That is going to do wonders for you inside and out as you probably have already discovered. I would think once your hubby begins to see all the positive changes it makes in you he might get interested in the sport. Hope springs eternal. One thought I had when I was driving home, I actually listened to a podcast today called Testosterone daily. It's on iTunes.They had a show on about the four best supplements. Three were real cheap zinc, vitamin d and boron. Would he be adverse to just taking a handful of pills in the morning? Might be worth it and then once he starts feeling better who knows? Worth a try. Anyway good luck on your path of growth. While it's nice if couples can grow together sometimes one partner just has to get a big lead to make the other uncomfortable enough to change. That discomfort might be just the right prescription for your hubby.


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