# Why does my wife treat me like this?



## Sadman (Feb 25, 2010)

Previous issue, wife had two consecutive EA`s back in 2009.

Both started with Facebook, the first one escalated into text messages, my wife sending phone pics of her private parts and then phone calls, this faded away as she started on Facebook ith the 2nd one. This again led to texts, phone calls and then a meet for coffee.

I found out about this through all the typicals signs of hiding her phone, always being on Facebook but constantly hiding the screen when I was in close proximity.
She told me she loved me but wasn`t in love with me.

I did some snooping and found she had ordered sexy underwear and a vibrator (which was hidden in the back of her wardrobe).

Checked her emails and she had joined two different online dating agencies, the one she added her phone number which she still denies.
She lied about everything, said they were friends ec.

The problem I have now is she is so ungrateul, doesn`t appreciate anything I do, doesn`t want cards or presents for birthdays etc. Doesn`t want me to do things for her????

I`ve told her many a time, she never engages me in a conversation but talks at me.
She can`t accept any form of criticism, always someone elses fault. 
Even during the time I had found out about her EA`s she would blow up and I would end up feeling it was all my fault.

She turns everything around, it`s infuriating, she says she feels like she has to phone me at work to check in, so I know where she is etc.

The other night I ironed her work stuff and she said nothing, when I ask why she never says thanks, she just says "I never asked you to".

I ironed a load of stuff last night and text her at work to say I had done all the ironing but it wouldn`t be appreciated lol, I jokingly added on the end that she can thank me in kind.
She ignored the text and then came home moaning that she wouldn`t reply to that s*** text message.
She said everything comes back to that and I`m selfish.
My wife never shows any interest in bed time activities unless I initiate it.
She says the longer it goes without then she doesn`t need it.
I reluctantly have to ask her for how`s your father or text her at work suggesting when she comes back maybe we can have a little play, I don`t quite ask it like that but I always end up feeling dirty and on edge as if I`m suggesting something wrong.
Shouldn`t be like this should it?

She won`t have it that normal couples do these things, she just thinks it`s my opinion and I should stop trying to turn her into something she`s not??

We ended up having an argument and she ended up telling me to p*** off to someone else. Get it out of my system with someone else.

She suffers with depression but refuses to go to see a doctor, I have loads of grief all the time, it can be over absolutely nothing, very difficult living conditions.


Can anyone offer any advise?


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

Yes, leave.

Sounds like my wife, she has disconnected from you and walking all over you. Do you really want to be with someone like that? She is taking you for granted and you need to start respecting your self.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sadman (Feb 25, 2010)

Indy Nial said:


> Yes, leave.
> 
> Sounds like my wife, she has disconnected from you and walking all over you. Do you really want to be with someone like that? She is taking you for granted and you need to start respecting your self.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One of my close friends I have confided in thinks I should leave, to be honest I have put up with so much s*** from my wife over the years, I`m surprised I`ve not lost the plot.
My wife says why are you still here then!

I love my wife but have had enough of treading on egg shells.

I only said to her earlier that she shows me no respect, she won`t have it though, she can be hard faced, I`m very placid and not good at confontation.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Why does she treat you that way?..it's easy..she doesn't love you anymore ...actions speak louder than words at this point and her actions are screaming at you right now..there is NOTHING right now you can do to get her to change..the only hope you have, the only choice you have is to move on, re-build YOU and start anew..you can put examples of how she is or does but in the end it's the same story..she is no longer in love with you..it is gone, gone, gone...she can't help it and you can't do anything about it...once a woman taste the euphora she wants more of it.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

I am no expert, hell I am working threw my wifes affair (and getting lots of help from everyone here, thanks all!) still, and will be for a while. But I have had friends with similar issues as you are having. I would agree with 2daughters. My wife, still at least acted like she still loved me, at first first she said "I love you but not "in" love with you", after a good talking, and me calling BS on her part she admitted she said that to neglect fault. But in your case it seems she doesn't even want to act out love...


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## bluesky (Jan 29, 2011)

Why does your wife treat you like this?

*BECAUSE U PERMIT HER TO!*

Previous issue, wife had two consecutive EA`s back in 2009.
Both started with Facebook, the first one escalated into text messages, my wife sending phone pics of her private parts and then phone calls, this faded away as she satrted on Facebook ith the 2nd one. This again led to texts, phone calls and then a meet for coffee.

*How did u handle this at that time? My guess is....quite passively.*

The problem I have now is she is so ungrateul, doesn`t appreciate anything I do, doesn`t want cards or presents for birthdays etc. Doesn`t want me to do things for her????

She can`t accept any form of criticism, always someone elses fault. 
*
Because she has VERY low self esteem.*

Even during the time I had found out about her EA`s she would blow up and I would end up feeling it was all my fault.

*Of course she is blameshifting, but you accept it. Why the **** would you feel that cheating is your fault. *

The other night I ironed her work stuff and she said nothing, when I ask why she never says thanks, she just says "I never asked you to".

*She's cheating and you are ironing her stuff. You need to stop being a wuss IMMEDIATELY. She cheats because she doesn't respect you. A man does not permit cheating, yet you are and then kiss her ass and iron her clothes. ****, when mine cheated I burned her clothes, urinated on her shoes, and destroyed her cell phone with a hammer. GUESS WHAT....the cheating stopped IMMEDIATELY. You know why? She was afraid of what I might potentially do to her and the OM.*

I ironed a load of stuff last night and text her at work to say I had done all the ironing but it wouldn`t be appreciated lol, I jokingly added on the end that she can thank me in kind.
She ignored the text and then came home moaning that she wouldn`t reply to that s*** text message.

*That is when you should have thrown her **** on the floor and informed her that you will NEVER iron her clothes again.*

I don`t quite ask it like that but I always feeling dirty and on edge as if I`m suggesting something wrong.
Shouldn`t be like this should it?
*
Ummm, no. Sex with your wife should not feel 'dirty'*

We ended up having an argument and she ended up telling me to p*** off to someone else. Get it out of my system with someone else.

*Get a divorce before you make that decision.
*

She suffers with depression but refuses to go to see a doctor.
*
That is her problem.
You need to work on yours.*


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

What you need to really think about is WHY you are still with her. What are the really good things that you will miss about her and that you couldn't find in another relationship?

Are you still here cos she is soooo amazing or because its safe and comfortable? Sometimes we put up with things because we fear the alternative. 

You're caught in a bear trap, do you cut off your leg and escape or stay and slowly bleed to death?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Sadman said:


> One of my close friends I have confided in thinks I should leave, to be honest I have put up with so much s*** from my wife over the years, I`m surprised I`ve not lost the plot.
> My wife says why are you still here then!
> 
> I love my wife but have had enough of treading on egg shells.
> ...


Dearest S, You can not possibly love your wife, and love yourself at the same time, given the circumstances you live under. Since you say you love your wife, then you must hate yourself, why?? It is untenable for one human to threat another like you are being treated. She certainly does not return your love. I think you have finally come to realize this and it's a start of the journey to loving yourself enough to do what must be done to make a change. 

If you need validation of the cruelty of your treatment by your wife, you have it, now comes the hard part, taking back control of your life. It will be a difficult journey but you will never regret it. 

There is an easy fix, realize that you are being abused, open you eyes. You know better than anything your situation - If you need to separate, then do so. If fiances will be difficult separate in your house for a while until you get your ducks in a row. 

You asked the question because you know what you need to do but are reluctant to do it. What about applying that love to yourself, why are you leaving you out in the cold. :scratchhead:


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Well, I have to agree with the others. Dump her. There are women out there who would love a husband that will iron their work clothes. I know my wife does. If your wife does not want to meet your needs. And she doesn't want you to meet her needs. What the hell are you together for? Time to move on and do it without guilt or hesitation.


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## stevend1961 (Feb 5, 2011)

Mr. Abused sadman. 
And abused you are . I can really feel for you , cause i once was in the same boat. I cleaned , I cooked, did what ever she didn't want to do. I listened for 13 years her tearing me down mostly in private, she would start a fight and then after calling me everything she could think of , and how she wanted a big man of a different color to come and plow me over , tell me she wanted to bed all my friends and accuse me of not being a man. She would get physical, yes men women can and often do abuse men, its just less talked about . Then after she got herself all worked up into a frenzy she wanted to hit the sack and be all lovey lovey. She never showed this side of her when we were dating , or engaged for over 1 1/2 years. But after 2 moths into the marriage I knew i had made a really big mistake. I have come to loath the words Stupid, idiot,Looser only because that's what she would call me. Its good you have found a forum like this one , If you would like healthy advice , take it from a fellow survivor, the only way to change this situation is a new address, no listed phone number, and a restraining order. And never have any contact with her again. 
It took her actually stating to my face and in our childrens presence her saying that she didn't care who heard what and how she felt about me, to realize just how messed up she was. Every year for 13 years sad man I left her one time for over a month hoping that would spark a change in her, It never did ! these people are ill, and suffering from emotional illnesses that you cannot change or even force her to get help for. And becasue there is such a broad spectrum of symptoms for multiple illnesses 
that it takes a professional to get her the help she needs. There is no way you can help fix her Sad man. But if you have children you have an obligation to their mental health to shield them from seeing the attacks she is putting you through while in their presence. If she starts Just leave . That was how i finally got the nerve to leave. Consider this while i was with her I was a two pack a day smoker. Not even a month after I left her I was able to quit and have been since 96. What usually takes place is people start smoking while divorcing . But it was so liberating to not be under all that stress , and doing the eggshell cha cha all the time . 
Run as fast and as far as you can from her, dont call, dont write make a new plan stan and set yourself free !!  hope this helps a little sad man but its all up to you , as to how happy you want the rest of your life to be .


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

She treats you like this because

She doesn't respect you.
She doesn't love you anymore.
She doesn't care about you.
She doesn't want you.

Why does she still go home? Is she sleeping in the same bed with you?


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## stevend1961 (Feb 5, 2011)

I was going to answer you question sad man "Why Does she treat me this way". Id be willing to bet that if you observe her and her mother together , that just might be where it lies. 
example:When my exs father passed away. Her mother came over to the house and they were crying and this statement came right out of her mothers mouth in front of me "I hate men and you remember this ****** all they are good for is paying the bills. 

My ex wife never attended her fathers funeral, and her brother didn't either. 
Probably a good measure as to see how you future wife or husband will treat you watch their parents interact with each other, and then if parents are gone , good sing if it a love thats to good to be true , no problems to work out and it seems perfect, proceed with caution. 
The whole time my ex and I were dating we never once and i mean never once argued over anything, i thought man she was heaven sent , and life was going to be peachy. It quickly turned sour in no time at all.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

You do her ironing and you wonder why she walks all over you?

Seriously... her ironing?


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## breathe (Feb 2, 2011)

2Daughters said:


> Why does she treat you that way?..it's easy..she doesn't love you anymore ...actions speak louder than words at this point and her actions are screaming at you right now..there is NOTHING right now you can do to get her to change..the only hope you have, the only choice you have is to move on, re-build YOU and start anew..you can put examples of how she is or does but in the end it's the same story..she is no longer in love with you..it is gone, gone, gone...she can't help it and you can't do anything about it...once a woman taste the euphora she wants more of it.


This^
there is nothing there


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

I do feel for you. I don't think I could take that for long. Ever since I found out about my wife's affair my BS tolerance level is low. She knows this. BTW people only treat you the way you allow them to.


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## Sadman (Feb 25, 2010)

Thanks to all for the replies, some harsh realities there I think.

She has been really nice over the last couple of days, we`ll see how long it lasts, if she gets stressed I get the brunt of her frustrations.

I like to think I`m a modern man, I do more than my fair share around the house, I`m what you would call a really nice person (even if I say so myself).

I just want a quiet life.


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

Nice doesnt have to equal walkover. She has only had EAs so far, what are you going to do when she has a full blown affair or leaves you? Its not a question of IF but WHEN. Not standing up to your wife, as uncomfortable as it might be, is not going to do either of you any favours.

You're giving her permission to treat you like crap and do what she wants. Step up an take control or prepare to accept the consequences.


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