# Now that I'm single, porn is coming back but just a little.



## onceler1

I'm getting a divorce. After 11 years of regular sex, suddenly not having sex is really, really brutal as a healthy and virile man. So obviously I'm relieving myself. I do look at a little bit of porn.

However, during my marriage I trained myself to wait for my wife before ever relieving myself. I still have this habit as a single guy, i've actually gained a taste for waiting for a while.

It seems to me porn addiction boils down to this one consideration. Can you or can you not wait to relieve yourself? From my experience with sex during my marriage, which actually was a pretty good sex life despite the huge problems we had relationship wise, I found the answer is "yes" I can always wait, and it makes the real sex 1000x better than porn and masturbation is.

So it seems to me that while I look at a tiny bit of porn every now and then, my issue is not addiction at all, since I've developed the ability to wait, especially if I am sexually involved with a woman.


My hope is if I find a new mate, she can understand my position and be forgiving that once in a great while I might look at a bit. Like say my wife was pregnant and cranky. I'd probably not NEVER look at some or relieve myself. I'd kinda have to. But once she is recovered and feeling well enough to resume having sex with me, I would happily go back to holding off and saving my energy for her.

I've been looking at christian youtube channels on this and it seems to me the Christian approach is often rather dysfunctional. By making the focus NEVER looking at it at all, it makes it seem more taboo and alluring than it needs to be. When, the real focus should be on: Can you or can you not WAIT to use your sexual energy with your partner? If the answer is yes, then occasionally peeking at porn is harmless, and you'll realize just how dumb and unsatisfying it is relative to waiting for your partner, and it'll become easier to forget about it. If porn makes you totally unable to control yourself and you are always relieving yourself every chance you get, then obviously that is harmful to a sexual relationship with a real partner. I have NEVER had this issue, I find self control very easy especially when another person would be affected by my behavior.


Just my perspective on the matter!


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## Diana7

onceler1 said:


> I'm getting a divorce. After 11 years of regular sex, suddenly not having sex is really, really brutal as a healthy and virile man. So obviously I'm relieving myself. I do look at a little bit of porn.
> 
> However, during my marriage I trained myself to wait for my wife before ever relieving myself. I still have this habit as a single guy, i've actually gained a taste for waiting for a while.
> 
> It seems to me porn addiction boils down to this one consideration. Can you or can you not wait to relieve yourself? From my experience with sex during my marriage, which actually was a pretty good sex life despite the huge problems we had relationship wise, I found the answer is "yes" I can always wait, and it makes the real sex 1000x better than porn and masturbation is.
> 
> So it seems to me that while I look at a tiny bit of porn every now and then, my issue is not addiction at all, since I've developed the ability to wait, especially if I am sexually involved with a woman.
> 
> 
> My hope is if I find a new mate, she can understand my position and be forgiving that once in a great while I might look at a bit. Like say my wife was pregnant and cranky. I'd probably not NEVER look at some or relieve myself. I'd kinda have to. But once she is recovered and feeling well enough to resume having sex with me, I would happily go back to holding off and saving my energy for her.
> 
> I've been looking at christian youtube channels on this and it seems to me the Christian approach is often rather dysfunctional. By making the focus NEVER looking at it at all, it makes it seem more taboo and alluring than it needs to be. When, the real focus should be on: Can you or can you not WAIT to use your sexual energy with your partner? If the answer is yes, then occasionally peeking at porn is harmless, and you'll realize just how dumb and unsatisfying it is relative to waiting for your partner, and it'll become easier to forget about it. If porn makes you totally unable to control yourself and you are always relieving yourself every chance you get, then obviously that is harmful to a sexual relationship with a real partner. I have NEVER had this issue, I find self control very easy especially when another person would be affected by my behavior.
> 
> 
> Just my perspective on the matter!


From what you said I am guessing that you are a Christian? If you are then no its not ok to look, even occasionally. Its a bit like saying that a little adultery is ok, or stealing is ok if you only do it occasionally. 
I don't see that its wrong to masturbate but porn is out for us. You can do one without the other.

You may think that the Christian view is dysfunctional but its what God says and He always knows best. 
I do think you are trying very hard to justify looking at porn but Jesus is pretty clear on not lusting after other women.
I suspect that if you marry a Christian lady she wont want a husband who looks at porn, being that its forbidden.


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## onceler1

Diana7 said:


> From what you said I am guessing that you are a Christian? if you are then no its not ok to look, even occasionally. I don't see that its wrong to masturbate but porn is out for us. You can do one without the other.
> You may think that the Christian view is dysfunctional but its what God says and He always knows best.
> I do think you are trying very hard to justify looking at porn but Jesus is pretty clear on not lusting after other women.
> I suspect that if you marry a Christian lady she wont want a husband who looks at porn, being that its forbidden.


My perspective on this is rather nuanced.

Look at it this way:

Would you (assuming you have these views) rather have a man who believes it is important to NEVER look, and then struggles with that adrenaline rush of something being tabboo making something more interesting than it should be?

Or would you rather have a man who believes in continuously de-emphasizing the allure of porn in his mind, and when he does peek at it, quickly remembers that it isn't very interesting, kind of disgusting, and quickly puts it away, and chooses still not to relieve himself upon seeing it? So that over time it maintains a very low status in his mind, never coming close to addiction, and only really appears when he is particularly frustrated (which is inevitable, life is hard. unless you're a unicorn woman who is ALWAYS available to her man. I would definitely never need porn if I found such a woman).


I am becoming of the opinion the latter approach is more effective in today's day and age. The reason is that it is nearly impossible to avoid pornography. Heck, even TV shows regularly have softcore porn in them. So I don't think it is reasonable to expect oneself to never view it. But it is DEFINITELY reasonable to continuously de-emphasize its emotional effect on one's habits, it is DEFINITELY reasonable to build up a habit of waiting for long periods of time and saving one's sexual energy for one's partner.

I suppose I am suspicious of something simple such as something being totally forbidden. It produces an anti pattern of finding something more interesting than it should be. Whereas, it may be better to simply realize that the thing is uninteresting when viewed.


As a single man, it is difficult to eliminate it entirely. But during marriage with regular sex, I did not have a problem avoiding it for many months at a time, it resurfacing only slightly when I became particularly frustrated.


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## onceler1

Also, I'm uncertain if I am Christian. I am very pro Christianity, but I can't bring myself to accept some of the beliefs of Christianity literally. Take for example, the idea of Christ as having risen from the dead. I have no problem believing in this for its deeper meaning of him being risen and alive in our hearts. But if I have to believe he literally came out of the tomb alive, I have trouble with this.

I am interested in christian women because of their emphasis on family, but I wonder if they will have a problem with how I view the world.


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## Diana7

onceler1 said:


> My perspective on this is rather nuanced.
> 
> Look at it this way:
> 
> Would you (assuming you have these views) rather have a man who believes it is important to NEVER look, and then struggles with that adrenaline rush of something being tabboo making something more interesting than it should be?
> 
> Or would you rather have a man who believes in continuously de-emphasizing the allure of porn in his mind, and when he does peek at it, quickly remembers that it isn't very interesting, kind of disgusting, and quickly puts it away, and chooses still not to relieve himself upon seeing it? So that over time it maintains a very low status in his mind, never coming close to addiction, and only really appears when he is particularly frustrated (which is inevitable, life is hard. unless you're a unicorn woman who is ALWAYS available to her man. I would definitely never need porn if I found such a woman).
> 
> 
> I am becoming of the opinion the latter approach is more effective in today's day and age. The reason is that it is nearly impossible to avoid pornography. Heck, even TV shows regularly have softcore porn in them. So I don't think it is reasonable to expect oneself to never view it. But it is DEFINITELY reasonable to continuously de-emphasize its emotional effect on one's habits, it is DEFINITELY reasonable to build up a habit of waiting for long periods of time and saving one's sexual energy for one's partner.
> 
> I suppose I am suspicious of something simple such as something being totally forbidden. It produces an anti pattern of finding something more interesting than it should be. Whereas, it may be better to simply realize that the thing is uninteresting when viewed.
> 
> 
> As a single man, it is difficult to eliminate it entirely. But during marriage with regular sex, I did not have a problem avoiding it for many months at a time, it resurfacing only slightly when I became particularly frustrated.


Its not an either or, my husband never watches porn and is careful what he sees on TV and in films, and he doesn't struggle with an 'adrenaline rush of it being taboo'. Its really not hard to avoid it once you make that decision. He just knows its not something He will can or will do, period. Same for me. If to you it is 'uninteresting when viewed' then why do you view it? 

If you don't like it being forbidden I guess you need to take it up with God. I have learnt that He is always wise and to be trusted and everything He says is for a very good reason. 

Yes I am here for him when he wants sex, but he didn't have sex till he married at age 25 and then had a time between that marriage and ours, so he has had long period single.


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## Diana7

onceler1 said:


> Also, I'm uncertain if I am Christian. I am very pro Christianity, but I can't bring myself to accept some of the beliefs of Christianity literally. Take for example, the idea of Christ as having risen from the dead. I have no problem believing in this for its deeper meaning of him being risen and alive in our hearts. But if I have to believe he literally came out of the tomb alive, I have trouble with this.
> 
> I am interested in christian women because of their emphasis on family, but I wonder if they will have a problem with how I view the world.


OK well if He hadnt risen from the dead then there would be no Christianity. I actually have no issues with that having happened, after all if God can create the universe then raising Jesus from death isn't hard for Him.

Well most Christian women I have known have been really lovely, so I can see the attraction, but you must be honest. If you watch porn then you must tell her. I know marriages where the man lied about this and the marriage didn't last because the trust was gone and porn for them was a no no. 

Most people will come here telling you that all men do it and its ok etc etc etc.


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## onceler1

I think if I actually did meet a woman who really would be there for me in the old school sense, as often as I needed it, I really wouldn't need porn. Do such women actually exist? My wife SAID she was Christian early on, but fast forward to today she cheated on me and left me. She also did start withholding sex some. Not completely, but a lot more than in the past. I used to really like to have it in the morning; in fact I often needed it pretty badly in the morning but eventually she just stopped being available during this time. If there really is a such woman out there who would be giving enough to really be there for me as often as I need it, I definitely wouldn't need porn. It's a two way street I think. I think I would happily endeavor to totally eliminate it if I found someone THAT committed to an old school marriage where the woman is basically always there for her man. But, I'm getting kind of cynical that it exists these days.


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## badsanta

Diana7 said:


> From what you said I am guessing that you are a Christian? If you are then no its not ok to look, even occasionally. Its a bit like saying that a little adultery is ok, or stealing is ok if you only do it occasionally.
> *I don't see that its wrong to masturbate but porn is out for us. You can do one without the other..*


There is also a great deal of research on other forums that suggests porn is even more harmful to those that are single compared to those that are married. The reasoning is that it satiates someone single that would otherwise use that energy to socialize, meet someone, and begin a healthy new relationship. 

In the context of marriage the same man could claim it prevented him from looking for a relationship outside of the marriage during a time of need.

So which of those two things is more harmful? I am not going to judge, but it is something for @onceler1 to think about. 

Regards,
Badsanta


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## Mr. Nail

There seems to be this idea that if you can limit the supply of sex that it's value will go up. 
There are 2 problems with this kind of thinking:
one) There is no way to cut off the supply. There is always a supplier out there willing to fulfill the need. Even if that supplier is ones imagination.
tw0) If you do manage to somehow cut off the supply the consumer will soon discover that like diamonds, anyone can get by without any.

As to onceler's question. There are many kinds of Christians. Find the kind that forgive weakness.


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## personofinterest

onceler1 said:


> Diana7 said:
> 
> 
> 
> From what you said I am guessing that you are a Christian? if you are then no its not ok to look, even occasionally. I don't see that its wrong to masturbate but porn is out for us. You can do one without the other.
> You may think that the Christian view is dysfunctional but its what God says and He always knows best.
> I do think you are trying very hard to justify looking at porn but Jesus is pretty clear on not lusting after other women.
> I suspect that if you marry a Christian lady she wont want a husband who looks at porn, being that its forbidden.
> 
> 
> 
> My perspective on this is rather nuanced.
> 
> Look at it this way:
> 
> Would you (assuming you have these views) rather have a man who believes it is important to NEVER look, and then struggles with that adrenaline rush of something being tabboo making something more interesting than it should be?
> 
> Or would you rather have a man who believes in continuously de-emphasizing the allure of porn in his mind, and when he does peek at it, quickly remembers that it isn't very interesting, kind of disgusting, and quickly puts it away, and chooses still not to relieve himself upon seeing it? So that over time it maintains a very low status in his mind, never coming close to addiction, and only really appears when he is particularly frustrated (which is inevitable, life is hard. unless you're a unicorn woman who is ALWAYS available to her man. I would definitely never need porn if I found such a woman).
> 
> 
> I am becoming of the opinion the latter approach is more effective in today's day and age. The reason is that it is nearly impossible to avoid pornography. Heck, even TV shows regularly have softcore porn in them. So I don't think it is reasonable to expect oneself to never view it. But it is DEFINITELY reasonable to continuously de-emphasize its emotional effect on one's habits, it is DEFINITELY reasonable to build up a habit of waiting for long periods of time and saving one's sexual energy for one's partner.
> 
> I suppose I am suspicious of something simple such as something being totally forbidden. It produces an anti pattern of finding something more interesting than it should be. Whereas, it may be better to simply realize that the thing is uninteresting when viewed.
> 
> 
> As a single man, it is difficult to eliminate it entirely. But during marriage with regular sex, I did not have a problem avoiding it for many months at a time, it resurfacing only slightly when I became particularly frustrated.
Click to expand...

Lolololol


I'm sorry man, but you can't possibly expect anyone to buy what you're selling.


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## personofinterest

Mr. Nail said:


> There seems to be this idea that if you can limit the supply of sex that it's value will go up.
> There are 2 problems with this kind of thinking:
> one) There is no way to cut off the supply. There is always a supplier out there willing to fulfill the need. Even if that supplier is ones imagination.
> tw0) If you do manage to somehow cut off the supply the consumer will soon discover that like diamonds, anyone can get by without any.
> 
> As to onceler's question. There are many kinds of Christians. Find the kind that forgive weakness.


What are you even talking about? He's getting divorced. No one is cutting him off.


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## personofinterest

onceler1 said:


> I think if I actually did meet a woman who really would be there for me in the old school sense, as often as I needed it, I really wouldn't need porn. Do such women actually exist? My wife SAID she was Christian early on, but fast forward to today she cheated on me and left me. She also did start withholding sex some. Not completely, but a lot more than in the past. I used to really like to have it in the morning; in fact I often needed it pretty badly in the morning but eventually she just stopped being available during this time. If there really is a such woman out there who would be giving enough to really be there for me as often as I need it, I definitely wouldn't need porn. It's a two way street I think. I think I would happily endeavor to totally eliminate it if I found someone THAT committed to an old school marriage where the woman is basically always there for her man. But, I'm getting kind of cynical that it exists these days.


Yes, there are highly sexual women.

But your whole post is blameshifting.

"I wouldn't need to steal if I had more money."

"I wouldnt need to punch people in the face if they weren't so annoying."

Just own it, dude.


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## Lila

onceler1 said:


> I think if I actually did meet a woman who really would be there for me in the old school sense, as often as I needed it, I really wouldn't need porn. Do such women actually exist? My wife SAID she was Christian early on, but fast forward to today she cheated on me and left me. She also did start withholding sex some. Not completely, but a lot more than in the past. I used to really like to have it in the morning; in fact I often needed it pretty badly in the morning but eventually she just stopped being available during this time. If there really is a such woman out there who would be giving enough to really be there for me as often as I need it, I definitely wouldn't need porn. It's a two way street I think. I think I would happily endeavor to totally eliminate it if I found someone THAT committed to an old school marriage where the woman is basically always there for her man. But, I'm getting kind of cynical that it exists these days.


Holy crapola! It sounds like you are looking for an orifice in which to stick your ****. You don't need a wife. You need a pocket p***y. It'll be available to you on demand. Just add lube.


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## Diana7

badsanta said:


> There is also a great deal of research on other forums that suggests porn is even more harmful to those that are single compared to those that are married. The reasoning is that it satiates someone single that would otherwise use that energy to socialize, meet someone, and begin a healthy new relationship.
> 
> In the context of marriage the same man could claim it prevented him from looking for a relationship outside of the marriage during a time of need.
> 
> So which of those two things is more harmful? I am not going to judge, but it is something for @onceler1 to think about.
> 
> Regards,
> Badsanta


That's interesting about the research, I would have also thought that for single men(especially young men) it must greatly skew their view of women and what sex in a normal healthy relationship is like.

Re the excuse that it stops them looking elsewhere in a time if need, that's just nonsense in my view. You can masturbate without porn as we have said, and also remain faithful. I guess people will look for excuses for anything.


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## Diana7

onceler1 said:


> I think if I actually did meet a woman who really would be there for me in the old school sense, as often as I needed it, I really wouldn't need porn. Do such women actually exist? My wife SAID she was Christian early on, but fast forward to today she cheated on me and left me. She also did start withholding sex some. Not completely, but a lot more than in the past. I used to really like to have it in the morning; in fact I often needed it pretty badly in the morning but eventually she just stopped being available during this time. If there really is a such woman out there who would be giving enough to really be there for me as often as I need it, I definitely wouldn't need porn. It's a two way street I think. I think I would happily endeavor to totally eliminate it if I found someone THAT committed to an old school marriage where the woman is basically always there for her man. But, I'm getting kind of cynical that it exists these days.


Yes of course they exist, but you are saying 'if I have this then I wont do that'. How we act is our responsibility, we can't blame others for acting badly. Its up to you to get your house in order without or without a wife who has sex with you. 
People have managed throughout history without porn, and I am sure they masturbated. :surprise:

As to whether you 'endeavour to do without it', that's your choice, but as a Christian its a no no.Just be honest with any future wife about it, because I know marriages that ended because of a husband's deception about his porn use. 

Yes sometimes Christians act badly. My husband's first wife did what yours has, but how he acted was up to him and 100% his responsibility, porn was still out because of his faith.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> That's interesting about the research, I would have also thought that for single men(especially young men) it must greatly skew their view of women and what sex in a normal healthy relationship is like.
> 
> 
> 
> Re the excuse that it stops them looking elsewhere in a time if need, that's just nonsense in my view. You can masturbate without porn as we have said, and also remain faithful. I guess people will look for excuses for anything.



Porn is not all bad...If it wasn’t for porn, wife would probably not have learnt how to give the most amazing BJs and many other things...
Also, compared to things she actually likes in the bedroom, most porn is pretty tame...

Look at it bit more as if they are instructional videos. Have you ever needed to learn how to seal your bathrooms properly? Clean the gutters? Or perhaps green up your lawn?
Learning how to make your partner squirt, make them squeal from prostate massage or using urethral sounds safely is just another one of those ‘life hacks’ one would otherwise have no clue about.

It also has been shown to reduce sexual violence significantly (it’s easier for a sick person to jerk off to something that turns them on on screen rather than commit a crime). And it reduces unemployment... 

I am also convinced that if every terrorist in the Middle East could have access to pornhub, they would realise how amazing Western civilisation is and ‘live in the moment’ more, rather than put all their chips on the promise of those 72 virgins (who must be bloody exhausted by now).


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## Blondilocks

InMyPrime said:


> Porn is not all bad...If it wasn’t for porn, wife would probably not have learnt how to give the most amazing BJs and many other things...
> Also, compared to things she actually likes in the bedroom, most porn is pretty tame...
> 
> Look at it bit more as if they are instructional videos. Have you ever needed to learn how to seal your bathrooms properly? Clean the gutters? Or perhaps green up your lawn?
> Learning how to make your partner squirt, make them squeal from prostate massage or using urethral sounds safely is just another one of those ‘life hacks’ one would otherwise have no clue about.
> 
> It also has been shown to reduce sexual violence significantly (it’s easier for a sick person to jerk off to something that turns them on on screen rather than commit a crime). And it reduces unemployment...
> 
> *I am also convinced that if every terrorist in the Middle East could have access to pornhub, they would realise how amazing Western civilisation is and ‘live in the moment’ more, rather than put all their chips on the promise of those 72 virgins (who must be bloody exhausted by now).*
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


It didn't seem to improve Osama bin Laden's temperament.


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## ReformedHubby

OP, There are two aspects of your post I want to address. Regarding saving yourself, in some ways I can understand that. You wouldn't want to stop by Mcdonalds for a Big Mac right before dinner at a really nice restaurant. But with that said breakfast or lunch at Mcdonalds would be fine and leave plenty of room for dinner. So for me I've always had room for both. 

Regarding porn I guess I don't think its all that bad. When I was married my wife and I attended church on most Sundays, and....we'd also watch porn together on occasion. You certainly have the option of choosing a woman that would be fine with you watching porn, watching it with you, and going to church with you on Sunday as well. For some Christians this is considered awful, it depends on how strict you are in your beliefs. But it worked for us, and ultimately thats all we cared about. I happen to think you're beating yourself up unnecessarily over this....but....if its something that doesn't sit right with your soul and it really bothers you, then you shouldn't do it at all. But only you can answer that question.


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## 269370

Blondilocks said:


> It didn't seem to improve Osama bin Laden's temperament.


He didn't search within the right category...


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## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> Porn is not all bad...If it wasn’t for porn, wife would probably not have learnt how to give the most amazing BJs and many other things...
> Also, compared to things she actually likes in the bedroom, most porn is pretty tame...
> 
> Look at it bit more as if they are instructional videos. Have you ever needed to learn how to seal your bathrooms properly? Clean the gutters? Or perhaps green up your lawn?
> Learning how to make your partner squirt, make them squeal from prostate massage or using urethral sounds safely is just another one of those ‘life hacks’ one would otherwise have no clue about.
> 
> It also has been shown to reduce sexual violence significantly (it’s easier for a sick person to jerk off to something that turns them on on screen rather than commit a crime). And it reduces unemployment...
> 
> I am also convinced that if every terrorist in the Middle East could have access to pornhub, they would realise how amazing Western civilisation is and ‘live in the moment’ more, rather than put all their chips on the promise of those 72 virgins (who must be bloody exhausted by now).
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I am pretty sure that many terrorists are already looking at porn. 

As for your wife learning how to do things from porn sites, that would be the last place I would go to improve my sex life. 

The amount of rapes and sexual abuse that you hear about now, I cant believe that porn stops that sort of thing from happening. Every time you hear of a child being abducted and raped, it always turns out that the rapist used porn a lot. Adult and child porn.


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## Diana7

ReformedHubby said:


> OP, There are two aspects of your post I want to address. Regarding saving yourself, in some ways I can understand that. You wouldn't want to stop by Mcdonalds for a Big Mac right before dinner at a really nice restaurant. But with that said breakfast or lunch at Mcdonalds would be fine and leave plenty of room for dinner. So for me I've always had room for both.
> 
> Regarding porn I guess I don't think its all that bad. When I was married my wife and I attended church on most Sundays, and....we'd also watch porn together on occasion. You certainly have the option of choosing a woman that would be fine with you watching porn, watching it with you, and going to church with you on Sunday as well. For some Christians this is considered awful, it depends on how strict you are in your beliefs. But it worked for us, and ultimately thats all we cared about. I happen to think you're beating yourself up unnecessarily over this....but....if its something that doesn't sit right with your soul and it really bothers you, then you shouldn't do it at all. But only you can answer that question.


Did you just go to church or did you actually follow Jesus Christ and His teachings? Did you pray together? Read the Bible? I suppose the way I see it is would I watch porn if Jesus was sitting next to me. For me the answer is clearly no, and He is with us all the time anyway. In the end its how much do we want to go His way or our own.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> The amount of rapes and sexual abuse that you hear about now, I cant believe that porn stops that sort of thing from happening. Every time you hear of a child being abducted and raped, it always turns out that the rapist used porn a lot. Adult and child porn.



Yes, they usually find child porn to gather evidence against the perpetrator. But you prove my point, since that kind of porn is not really available (and I am absolutely and categorically DON’T think that it should be available)...
What about CGI porn (computer animated), would this be ok in your book?



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## Blondilocks

InMyPrime said:


> Yes, they usually find child porn to gather evidence against the perpetrator. But you prove my point, since that kind of porn is not really available (and I am absolutely and categorically DON’T think that it should be available)...
> What about CGI porn (computer animated), would this be ok in your book?
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Not in mine. Porn is porn whether it is depicted by human beings or through anthropomorphism.


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## 269370

Blondilocks said:


> Not in mine. Porn is porn whether it is depicted by human beings or through anthropomorphism.




What if it’s stick people? Where do you draw the line? (On the stick person ).

(Note: no nipples were shown. If in doubt, this is an illustration of how to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre to save lives. Everyone should know how to do this. At least twice a day).











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## 269370

Blondilocks said:


> Not in mine. Porn is porn whether it is depicted by human beings or through anthropomorphism.



Also, in your book, are there some naughty phrases too? Because I find it difficult to see much of a difference between reading about “inserting his veiny member” and seeing it. Why is the latter offensive and the former not?


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## Mr. Nail

personofinterest said:


> Lolololol
> 
> 
> I'm sorry man, but you can't possibly expect anyone to buy what you're selling.





personofinterest said:


> What are you even talking about? He's getting divorced. No one is cutting him off.


I was talking about the idea that a spouse feels entitled to dictate their partners sex diet. As you so aptly put it, when price hits a certain point . . . ." you can't possibly expect anyone to buy what you're selling". 

In other words if Mrs. Nail is offering me rewarmed mac and cheese for $60. Wendy's is just around the corner.


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## Personal

Diana7 said:


> I suppose the way I see it is would I watch porn if Jesus was sitting next to me. For me the answer is clearly no, and *He is with us all the time anyway.*


So you're happy to have sex, with Jesus (Superstar Voyuer), sitting next to you while watching? Yet you balk at the idea, of Jesus just watching some porn with you!

Colour me confused, but isn't it more sleazy having Jesus personally perving on you? While you play hide the sausage, versus having Jesus just watch some porn and chill with you.

Seriously that's pretty kinky (no judgement though), that said if it works for you I hope you rock it. :smile2:


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> I suppose the way I see it is would I watch porn if Jesus was sitting next to me.


I probably would though might feel a bit awkward. 
In our bedroom, we call our imaginary friend Alejuandro. He can be quite rough and punishing sometimes. But I couldn't have him there all the time.
What does he do in your bedroom?


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## Personal

InMyPrime said:


> What does he do in your bedroom?


That's a good question, I wonder if he sometimes masturbates while he watches?


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> Did you just go to church or did you actually follow Jesus Christ and His teachings? Did you pray together? Read the Bible? I suppose the way I see it is would I watch porn if Jesus was sitting next to me. For me the answer is clearly no, and He is with us all the time anyway. In the end its how much do we want to go His way or our own.




Joking aside, this concept is so strange to me. So in a sense, you always feel His presence and give him your love, in addition to your husband? Is this in practice more like a triangle relationship? Do you feel closer to Jesus (emotionally) than to your husband generally? 

Also doesn’t it mean that you can never really be yourself because of fear that you might be judged since you are always under His surveillance? (Not ‘might be’, you ARE constantly judged, under Catholic understanding I presume).
In a way it’s like having a role model. Don’t we need at some point to grow up and become our own individuals rather than continue being a flock of sheep?



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## personofinterest

Personal said:


> Diana7 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I suppose the way I see it is would I watch porn if Jesus was sitting next to me. For me the answer is clearly no, and *He is with us all the time anyway.*
> 
> 
> 
> So you're happy to have sex, with Jesus (Superstar Voyuer), sitting next to you while watching? Yet you balk at the idea, of Jesus just watching some porn with you!
> 
> Colour me confused, but isn't it more sleazy having Jesus personally perving on you? While you play hide the sausage, versus having Jesus just watch some porn and chill with you.
> 
> Seriously that's pretty kinky (no judgement though), that said if it works for you I hope you rock it. <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_smile.png" border="0" alt="" title="Smile" ></a>
Click to expand...

Either you are supremely obtuse or you're being a smartest. You know that isn't what she mwant.


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## Blondilocks

InMyPrime said:


> Also, in your book, are there some naughty phrases too? Because I find it difficult to see much of a difference between reading about “inserting his veiny member” and seeing it. Why is the latter offensive and the former not?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


There is a difference between literary erotica/visual erotica and pornography. 

As for your example, that is not literary erotica.

Stop threadjacking. 

t/j And, why are nipples on your mind, lately? Also, damn man, what size shoe do you wear? You could make short shrift of a vat of grapes.end t/j


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## Mr. Nail

Blondilocks said:


> There is a difference between literary erotica/visual erotica and pornography.
> 
> *As for your example, that is not literary erotica.*
> 
> Stop threadjacking.
> 
> t/j And, why are nipples on your mind, lately? Also, damn man, what size shoe do you wear? You could make short shrift of a vat of grapes.end t/j


No it is not. On the other hand it's pretty much what my wife reads. 
Note: the thread is about pornography, literally the writings of harlots. This post is on topic.


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## 269370

Blondilocks said:


> There is a difference between literary erotica/visual erotica and pornography.



Do you have any examples or illustrations? It would be tremendously helpful 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ReformedHubby

Diana7 said:


> Did you just go to church or did you actually follow Jesus Christ and His teachings? Did you pray together? Read the Bible? I suppose the way I see it is would I watch porn if Jesus was sitting next to me. For me the answer is clearly no, and He is with us all the time anyway. In the end its how much do we want to go His way or our own.


Its rare that a post makes me self reflect, but yours did. I certainly would never disrespect anyones beliefs, or level of faith no matter what their religion is....but....me and the man upstairs have a relationship that is between me and him, and I am at peace with that. I was a childhood preacher, my mother would write my sermons. I would stand in store fronts preaching, she would also drive me to a backroad churches to preach, I even married couples as a child. In the beginning, I didn't understand. But where I grew up was poor. Like....dirt road poor. Areas the tourists did not see nor care about. By the time I was in fifth grade I knew the bible well. I even writing my own sermons. Something clicked, I realized that my words of inspiration helped these people get through their week. I realized that the people I preached too had awful lives, lives so bad that all that they had to cling to was the hope of an afterlife. I embraced it, it made me happy to spread good news and give hope. My mom never took a dime from me. Some churches were too poor to pay us, but every time a church paid me, we took the money from the hat we would go straight to Toys'R'Us, because thats what I wanted as a kid. But God was definitely using me. 

Not sure where I am going with this, but my mother is the most holy person I know. She is literally on fire for the lord as we say in the south. But my pops is different, more in the world but still righteous. My mom does not dance, my mom only listens to gospel music, my mother does not really watch R rated movies, probably not even PG-13. But...she never stopped my dad from being the man she loved, I would find Penthouse magazines and VHS porn tapes in my dad's sock drawer, and yes I looked at them. But you know what else, my father, the serial cheater just like me, bought more people to Christ then my mother ever could. Why? Because she was too holy. People resonated more with reformed sinners far more than someone they viewed as perfect like my mom. My mother knew this, she never expected me nor my father to have the same relationship with God that she did. We'd watch our movies, listen to his favorite records, she never told us to stop, Her reasoning was that everyones relationship with Jesus is different. Look....I honestly don't care how you feel about porn, but everything in me tells me that when we are both in the hereafter, I am going to wink at you, and point out this post. I am not going to burn in hell because I watched porn. Our relationships with God are between us and him. I am square with that. Its up to him to judge, no one else.


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## Faithful Wife

Rule 34: If it exists, there’s porn of it.

Therefore if God exists, why is there no porn of him? 

(Sorry so irreverent).

I believe in God and I don’t think he cares about anything we do that does not harm others. In the case of porn, it is true that others can be harmed in the making or using of it. But it is also true there can be nothing but happy goodwill and healthy sex in the making and using of it. I do think what we watch and why we watch it matters in that sense.

ETA: for the question of, is God or Jesus watching us getting it on? And does he get aroused by it? 

The answer in my understanding is yes, but they don’t have sexual feelings in the same way we do, so all they witness are basically our emotions. Are we experiencing love and joy, or pain and fear? That’s the part they would be aware of.


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## onceler1

Basically what I have observed in myself is:

Years ago I did think of porn as forbidden. What this did is make me more interested in it, and get larger adrenaline rushes when I did cave and view it (which usually happened when my wife was refusing me for a long enough period of time or otherwise making me unhappy).


I decided to go down a path of extreme self-foregiveness to the point where I felt no guilt or shame when I would look at it. It became no big deal. At the same time, I exercised restraint and waited for sexual relief with my wife, even though our relationship had become dysfunctional.

I also worked on my health. As a result, despite my poor platonic relationship with my wife, the sex actually became better, for me at least. She always said it was "working," but maybe not blowing her mind? Regardless of her experience, mine got better because I chose to wait.

The sex actually got so much better that porn actually started to become boring.

As a now single man, it is still somewhat boring because I know how good sex can be with a real human being.

So what I'm saying is, I see little value in completely prohibiting something, when simply shifting one's attitude towards self foregiveness, self control, and also health can change the balance heavily in favor of real sex all on its own. Making something simply forbidden I think is an anti pattern because it is too simple and doesn't challenge you to think about the root causes in yourself about why you ever wanted something less healthy to begin with.

Same with junk food. I don't forbid myself completely from junk food, but by eating healthier (tending vegan) I find that I am no longer craving sugar or fried foods or even meat.


So yeah I'll have to find a woman who is thoughtful enough to understand my perspective on this. I don't really care about watching porn with her either, if she and I love each other, and are really healthy, our sex will totally eclipse any porn either of us could ever find. Period.


As an addendum: My relationship with my wife was bad, yes. The sex got better, yes. I am keenly aware that not having the emotional connection of sex is quite tragic, and I sincerely hope that the next woman I'm with I not only have the physical aspect of sex down but ALSO care about her and vice versa.... I really look forward to this.


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## personofinterest

onceler1 said:


> Basically what I have observed in myself is:
> 
> Years ago I did think of porn as forbidden. What this did is make me more interested in it, and get larger adrenaline rushes when I did cave and view it (which usually happened when my wife was refusing me for a long enough period of time or otherwise making me unhappy).
> 
> 
> I decided to go down a path of extreme self-foregiveness to the point where I felt no guilt or shame when I would look at it. It became no big deal. At the same time, I exercised restraint and waited for sexual relief with my wife, even though our relationship had become dysfunctional.
> 
> I also worked on my health. As a result, despite my poor platonic relationship with my wife, the sex actually became better, for me at least. She always said it was "working," but maybe not blowing her mind? Regardless of her experience, mine got better because I chose to wait.
> 
> The sex actually got so much better that porn actually started to become boring.
> 
> As a now single man, it is still somewhat boring because I know how good sex can be with a real human being.
> 
> So what I'm saying is, I see little value in completely prohibiting something, when simply shifting one's attitude towards self foregiveness, self control, and also health can change the balance heavily in favor of real sex all on its own. Making something simply forbidden I think is an anti pattern because it is too simple and doesn't challenge you to think about the root causes in yourself about why you ever wanted something less healthy to begin with.
> 
> Same with junk food. I don't forbid myself completely from junk food, but by eating healthier (tending vegan) I find that I am no longer craving sugar or fried foods or even meat.
> 
> 
> So yeah I'll have to find a woman who is thoughtful enough to understand my perspective on this. I don't really care about watching porn with her either, if she and I love each other, and are really healthy, our sex will totally eclipse any porn either of us could ever find. Period.


 Wow, for a supposed Christian, I would say you have a PhD in the justification of sin.


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## onceler1

personofinterest said:


> Wow, for a supposed Christian, I would say you have a PhD in the justification of sin.


I don't think you read my post. If you read it, you can clearly see that my approach is to continuously de-emphasize porn and continuously learn that it is not attractive, especially when replaced by health and good sex with a giving partner. My partner was not giving enough, which made it challenging, but I'm a strong person and continued to work on myself despite the building resentment in my relationship with my wife.

My problem with a lot of Christians is they see things too simply. They give no credit where credit is due. They recognize no effort applied towards self foregiveness and self control, they recognize no progress towards something healthy rather than unhealthy. It's just: If you view it even once, you failed, and you're a horrible backsliding sinner. I really think that is problematic. I think I view LESS porn now than when I thought of it as forbidden.

Also does the bible even talk about porn? I don't think porn existed back then.


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## Tasorundo

I seem to recall something like "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart".

I suppose you could just be watching porn and not lusting after the material......


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## onceler1

I guess the primary thing that disturbs me about supposed Christians is the fear based approach they apply to following scripture. Is not practicing self forgiveness treating myself as a Christian would treat another human being? Do not the results speak for themselves? (watching less porn, having better sex, getting better at waiting for longer periods of time to have sex with my wife). Is not progress preferable to simply keeping oneself in a thoughtless prison of things that are forbidden?


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## personofinterest

onceler1 said:


> I don't think you read my post. If you read it, you can clearly see that my approach is to continuously de-emphasize porn and continuously learn that it is not attractive, especially when replaced by health and good sex with a giving partner. My partner was not giving enough, which made it challenging, but I'm a strong person and continued to work on myself despite the building resentment in my relationship with my wife.
> 
> My problem with a lot of Christians is they see things too simply. They give no credit where credit is due. They recognize no effort applied towards self foregiveness and self control, they recognize no progress towards something healthy rather than unhealthy. It's just: If you view it even once, you failed, and you're a horrible backsliding sinner. I really think that is problematic. I think I view LESS porn now than when I thought of it as forbidden.
> 
> Also does the bible even talk about porn? I don't think porn existed back then.


The Bible says plenty about lust, and you are smarter than that.

Did Jesus say, "Ya know guys, lust is not good, but I don't want ya to be too fascinated by lust, so I won't actually tell you not to do it...."

I don't make it simple. God did. His Word says something is sin, you don't do it. Not if you are going to claim to be His follower.

Self-forgiveness - that comes AFTER repentance and change.


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## 269370

onceler1 said:


> I guess the primary thing that disturbs me about supposed Christians is the fear based approach they apply to following scripture. Is not practicing self forgiveness treating myself as a Christian would treat another human being? Do not the results speak for themselves? (watching less porn, having better sex, getting better at waiting for longer periods of time to have sex with my wife). Is not progress preferable to simply keeping oneself in a thoughtless prison of things that are forbidden?



Just do whatever you like. You can always repent and forgive yourself later and still get into that heaven place everybody is talking about.

I forgive myself once a day or every two days, before I go to bed, if wife is not available.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## personofinterest

onceler1 said:


> I guess the primary thing that disturbs me about supposed Christians is the fear based approach they apply to following scripture. Is not practicing self forgiveness treating myself as a Christian would treat another human being? Do not the results speak for themselves? (watching less porn, having better sex, getting better at waiting for longer periods of time to have sex with my wife). Is not progress preferable to simply keeping oneself in a thoughtless prison of things that are forbidden?


Blahblahblah


You know what the Bible says about lust, fornication ,etc.

You are dancing around it so you can feel better about sinning.

If you aren't going to stop, at least be mature enough to own your choices.


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## personofinterest

InMyPrime said:


> Just do whatever you like. You can always repent and forgive yourself later and still get into that heaven place everybody is talking about.
> 
> I forgive myself once a day or every two days, before I go to bed, if wife is not available.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


This illustrates the joke that this "brand" of "self forgiveness' really is.

Do anything you want, as long as you say sorry.

No one who actually cares anything about their faith would buy this.


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## Diana7

Personal said:


> So you're happy to have sex, with Jesus (Superstar Voyuer), sitting next to you while watching? Yet you balk at the idea, of Jesus just watching some porn with you!
> 
> Colour me confused, but isn't it more sleazy having Jesus personally perving on you? While you play hide the sausage, versus having Jesus just watch some porn and chill with you.
> 
> Seriously that's pretty kinky (no judgement though), that said if it works for you I hope you rock it. :smile2:





Sex between a husband and wife is good and right and godly. Porn isn't. 
Jesus doesn't perve.


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## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> Just do whatever you like. You can always repent and forgive yourself later and still get into that heaven place everybody is talking about.
> 
> I forgive myself once a day or every two days, before I go to bed, if wife is not available.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That's not what being a Christian is about.


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## Diana7

onceler1 said:


> I guess the primary thing that disturbs me about supposed Christians is the fear based approach they apply to following scripture. Is not practicing self forgiveness treating myself as a Christian would treat another human being? Do not the results speak for themselves? (watching less porn, having better sex, getting better at waiting for longer periods of time to have sex with my wife). Is not progress preferable to simply keeping oneself in a thoughtless prison of things that are forbidden?


Its nothing to do with fear as I am sure you really know, its about trusting God that He knows what is best for us. If he says not to do something then its for a very good reason. 
Its up to you how you live and whether you watch porn, but stop trying to justify it before God. 
With you its your attempts to justify what you do that stands out to me. If you were fully repentant and aware that for us its a no no, then of course you can be forgiven for occasional lapses, but you attack those who point out that its not right while trying to convince yourself that its ok, because its only 'supposed Christians' who say its wrong. :|


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## onceler1

personofinterest said:


> This illustrates the joke that this "brand" of "self forgiveness' really is.
> 
> Do anything you want, as long as you say sorry.
> 
> No one who actually cares anything about their faith would buy this.


You're still not getting my point. I am most emphatically not saying watching porn is ok. I'm saying that an approach of self forgiveness, whilst simultaneously developing discipline and self restraint will _naturally_ reduce porn usage over time, especially if coupled with a truly healthy sexual relationship with one's partner. I really think that goes two ways---the responsibility can't lie 100% with the man. The whole point of marriage to begin with was to civilize men so they didn't fight over women or get diseases fornicating with many women. If modern women can't be there for their husband, then it becomes a particularly difficult challenge in this day and age to completely prevent oneself from ever being titillated by the sight of a naked woman in the various forms that it takes in our culture. This sort of challenge flat out did not exist for most of human history, and for most of human history women were more subservient. So men with wives flat out did not have this problem for a long time. (granted, other forms of sexual immorality have always been with us).


I earnestly wonder to myself if men who struggle with porn addiction have so little self control that they watch it for hours every evening, relieving themselves multiple times and as such cannot perform adequately for their wives. I've never had anything close to that level of a problem with it. And, as I've said during my marriage, I would often put porn away for months and even years at a time, enjoying what sex life I did have with my wife exercising restraint. I'm NOT saying it is ok.

What I'm saying is that making it forbidden makes it _harder_ to learn to not use it. Since removing the concept of it being forbidden, I find it less alluring. Each time I view it, I realize it is gross and quickly put it away. The amount that I use it has steadily decreased over time.


Now that I am single however, I have viewed a little bit of it. Going from 11 years of regular and good sex to nothing is really hard. And yes I do completely forgive myself for this, especially knowing that when I am married I can exercise the same self discipline that I apply in other areas of my life: I eat healthy, I work hard, and every project I start, I finish.

And if I'm not mistaken, the whole idea of Christianity is that I am forgiven as well. I'm forgiven by God, I forgive myself, and my usage is steadily decreasing over time. I fail to see why this approach is not preferable to one where I live in fear of breaking a rule instead of thinking hard about why I might be looking at something rather than putting it away and doing something productive. It just seems better to me to remain calm when the temptation arises. And realize: Ok, now that I am on this porn website, I realize actually this is not what I'd like to be doing with my time. It's gross, and I'd quite frankly rather do something else.

Not to mention I'm in an interim period of my life right now, living in my old teen bedroom (in my parents house, because I am in the process of divorce and selling my house). A few months hence when I restart my life, I fully intend to fill my schedule with social events, church, and so on, further reducing the idle time in which the temptation may arise.


----------



## personofinterest

> What I'm saying is that making it forbidden makes it _harder_ to learn to not use it. *Since removing the concept of it being forbidden*, I find it less alluring. Each time I view it, I realize it is gross and quickly put it away. The amount that I use it has steadily decreased over time.


So we should change the Bible to make things easier.


----------



## Diana7

onceler1 said:


> Basically what I have observed in myself is:
> 
> Years ago I did think of porn as forbidden. What this did is make me more interested in it, and get larger adrenaline rushes when I did cave and view it (which usually happened when my wife was refusing me for a long enough period of time or otherwise making me unhappy).
> 
> 
> I decided to go down a path of extreme self-foregiveness to the point where I felt no guilt or shame when I would look at it. It became no big deal. At the same time, I exercised restraint and waited for sexual relief with my wife, even though our relationship had become dysfunctional.
> 
> I also worked on my health. As a result, despite my poor platonic relationship with my wife, the sex actually became better, for me at least. She always said it was "working," but maybe not blowing her mind? Regardless of her experience, mine got better because I chose to wait.
> 
> The sex actually got so much better that porn actually started to become boring.
> 
> As a now single man, it is still somewhat boring because I know how good sex can be with a real human being.
> 
> So what I'm saying is, I see little value in completely prohibiting something, when simply shifting one's attitude towards self foregiveness, self control, and also health can change the balance heavily in favor of real sex all on its own. Making something simply forbidden I think is an anti pattern because it is too simple and doesn't challenge you to think about the root causes in yourself about why you ever wanted something less healthy to begin with.
> 
> Same with junk food. I don't forbid myself completely from junk food, but by eating healthier (tending vegan) I find that I am no longer craving sugar or fried foods or even meat.
> 
> 
> So yeah I'll have to find a woman who is thoughtful enough to understand my perspective on this. I don't really care about watching porn with her either, if she and I love each other, and are really healthy, our sex will totally eclipse any porn either of us could ever find. Period.
> 
> 
> As an addendum: My relationship with my wife was bad, yes. The sex got better, yes. I am keenly aware that not having the emotional connection of sex is quite tragic, and I sincerely hope that the next woman I'm with I not only have the physical aspect of sex down but ALSO care about her and vice versa.... I really look forward to this.


Take it up with God then. Its He who makes the decisions. 

Do you think its ok to do a little stealing? Or is it right that He says do not steal? Should He forbid adultery or should we be able to have adultery occasionally without feeling guilty? How about if we feel like hitting someone? I am sure that God would be ok if we hit someone occasionally if we got really angry right?


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## onceler1

personofinterest said:


> So we should change the Bible to make things easier.


The bible flat out does not forbid porn. People have interpreted the (paraphrased) "lusting after another woman....commits adultery in his heart" as meaning porn is forbidden. But to me, seeing two people have sex does not mean I want the specific woman depicted. I'm NOT saying it is ok, even still.


----------



## Diana7

onceler1 said:


> The bible flat out does not forbid porn. People have interpreted the (paraphrased) "lusting after another woman....commits adultery in his heart" as meaning porn is forbidden. But to me, seeing two people have sex does not mean I want the specific woman depicted. I'm NOT saying it is ok, even still.


Faithfulness and keeping the marriage bed pure does not involve other people in porn or another way. And yes, that verse does apply to porn, very much so. As I said you are trying to make yourself think its ok, its just not.


----------



## onceler1

Diana7 said:


> Faithfulness and keeping the marriage bed pure does not involve other people in porn or another way. And yes, that verse does apply to porn, very much so. As I said you are trying to make yourself think its ok, its just not.


You're not arguing with me but a hypothetical person who is trying to justify porn. I am not trying to justify it. I'm explaining my approach to reducing its use, and describing the conditions in which I could envision never using it again (having a wife who is as giving as could be expected throughout most of human history until very recently). If I ever did find a woman who really indeed was there for me every time I needed her, I think I would forget about porn very quickly, because as I explained earlier in this thread, exercising restraint and waiting for her makes sex 1000x better. But my wife was not a very giving person and eventually starved me of a wide variety of things I needed as her husband including sex as frequently as I would like. That's a difficult situation to be in. Then she cheated on me. So boo hoo I look at a little porn, but my 39 year old supposedly christian wife started ****ing a 21 year old when I was on business trips.


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## Tasorundo

onceler, saying that if your wife was there for you 'every time you needed her' you wouldn't want to look at porn is blaming her for your sin. Whether your wife is there for you or not doesn't determine what is ok.

What if she is out of town? What if she has surgery? Does that mean, all bets are off and porn is ok?

What does 'every time you needed her' even mean?

What you are describing is not sanctification, it is pacification. One removes sin, one pretends to placate it.


----------



## onceler1

Tasorundo said:


> onceler, saying that if your wife was there for you 'every time you needed her' you wouldn't want to look at porn is blaming her for your sin. Whether your wife is there for you or not doesn't determine what is ok.
> 
> What if she is out of town? What if she has surgery? Does that mean, all bets are off and porn is ok?
> 
> What does 'every time you needed her' even mean?
> 
> What you are describing is not sanctification, it is pacification. One removes sin, one pretends to placate it.


As I explained above, I have been making a lot of progress in being able to wait for long periods of time for sexual gratification. That means if my wife were out of town or had surgery or what not, I would have no problem waiting for her. Now if it were months and months, it may become more difficult. But for reasonable things like you mentioned, of course I could wait. I explained this.

As for every time I needed her, I mean exactly that. Whenever I need sex, that she would be there for me regardless of whether she was in the mood herself. I truly do believe in a marriage the responsibility to contain the sexual drive of the man is shared. But in modern life, feminism has infected people enough that women no longer believe they have any duty to their husbands in this regard. Add to that how unbelievably easy it is to obtain free porn (I can go look at it in seconds if I wish), it makes it a particularly difficult problem (if you have a bad marriage anyway).


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## Tasorundo

You don't have to tell me about porn, I know you are new here, but someday you can go read my thread in the private forum or even my old thread about my infidelity.

Edit: I thought you were new, sorry about that, confused you with another post.

I meant what I said in my post, it is not on any other person to keep you from sinning. That attitude in itself would be considered sinful. Your wife is under no obligation to placate your sin. Yes, she should be there for you, but to be honest, your post really makes you sound like a jerk towards your wife/women.

I am a guy btw, in case that wasn't clear.


----------



## onceler1

Tasorundo said:


> You don't have to tell me about porn, I know you are new here, but someday you can go read my thread in the private forum or even my old thread about my infidelity.
> 
> I meant what I said in my post, it is not on any other person to keep you from sinning. That attitude in itself would be considered sinful. Your wife is under no obligation to placate your sin. Yes, she should be there for you, but to be honest, your post really makes you sound like a jerk towards your wife/women.
> 
> I am a guy btw, in case that wasn't clear.


I'm definitely not a jerk; I worked very hard on my marriage for 11 years. I used to put pressure on my wife to be there for me sexually more often. In 2015, a kind and generous and non-judgemental individual on this very website advised me to quit lecturing her cold turkey. I took their advice wholeheartedly, and began to simply resign myself to not badgering her for sex. My hope at the time was that by being gentler with her in this regard her desire may increase because I wasn't begging or cajoling her for sex. Unfortunately, it did not make her want sex more, but the positive upside of this was that I did learn to control my gratification for longer periods of time. As a result, my experience of sex with my wife improved. So I took a bad relationship and marriage and managed to grow my character within that context anyway, something I can take with me to a hopefully better relationship in the future.

I'm not gonna hold my breath waiting for any credit for those things from folks like you though!

And no, I thought you were a chick actually. Haha


----------



## Tasorundo

I am not trying to keep from giving you credit. I think that you have done those things is really good. You were in a bad situation, and it got worse, and now you are out.

Of course temptation increases when there is no outlet. The only objection anyone here has with your posts is that they seem to preach an acceptance of sin, rather than a rejection of it. It is a dangerous game, and for others (that seem to be your brothers and sisters) to call it dangerous seems appropriate.

I understand what you are saying about forgiving yourself, but it reads as if you are sort of 'pre-forgiving' yourself for sins you want to commit.


----------



## NobodySpecial

onceler1 said:


> I'm getting a divorce. After 11 years of regular sex, suddenly not having sex is really, really brutal as a healthy and virile man. So obviously I'm relieving myself. I do look at a little bit of porn.
> 
> However, during my marriage I trained myself to wait for my wife before ever relieving myself. I still have this habit as a single guy, i've actually gained a taste for waiting for a while.
> 
> It seems to me porn addiction boils down to this one consideration. Can you or can you not wait to relieve yourself? From my experience with sex during my marriage, which actually was a pretty good sex life despite the huge problems we had relationship wise, I found the answer is "yes" I can always wait, and it makes the real sex 1000x better than porn and masturbation is.
> 
> So it seems to me that while I look at a tiny bit of porn every now and then, my issue is not addiction at all, since I've developed the ability to wait, especially if I am sexually involved with a woman.
> 
> 
> My hope is if I find a new mate, she can understand my position and be forgiving that once in a great while I might look at a bit. Like say my wife was pregnant and cranky. I'd probably not NEVER look at some or relieve myself. I'd kinda have to. But once she is recovered and feeling well enough to resume having sex with me, I would happily go back to holding off and saving my energy for her.
> 
> I've been looking at christian youtube channels on this and it seems to me the Christian approach is often rather dysfunctional. By making the focus NEVER looking at it at all, it makes it seem more taboo and alluring than it needs to be. When, the real focus should be on: Can you or can you not WAIT to use your sexual energy with your partner? If the answer is yes, then occasionally peeking at porn is harmless, and you'll realize just how dumb and unsatisfying it is relative to waiting for your partner, and it'll become easier to forget about it. If porn makes you totally unable to control yourself and you are always relieving yourself every chance you get, then obviously that is harmful to a sexual relationship with a real partner. I have NEVER had this issue, I find self control very easy especially when another person would be affected by my behavior.
> 
> 
> Just my perspective on the matter!



That you use the term "relieving yourself" more than once is somewhat troubling, truth be told. What is weird is that your issue is not addiction at all, yet you post this in ... addition.


----------



## onceler1

Tasorundo said:


> I am not trying to keep from giving you credit. I think that you have done those things is really good. You were in a bad situation, and it got worse, and now you are out.
> 
> Of course temptation increases when there is no outlet. The only objection anyone here has with your posts is that they seem to preach an acceptance of sin, rather than a rejection of it. It is a dangerous game, and for others (that seem to be your brothers and sisters) to call it dangerous seems appropriate.


I am not preaching an acceptance of sin. What I'm trying to say is that, simply by engaging in a sin does not guarantee a slippery slope to more sin. It is entirely possible to get on an upward slope towards less and hopefully no sin at all whilst allowing small amounts of it.

Probably one reason I believe this is that, when I was 9 for some reason I was obsessed with the idea of smoking cigarettes. Nobody in my family smoked, yet I was very interested in it. I pretended to walk around smoking and I even pretended to count how many cigarettes I had consumed from a pack and even a carton and kept tally marks on a piece of paper.

My mother was horrified by this. Her reaction could have been one of stern anger and forbidding me from continuing to pretend to smoke. She could have done that.

But do you know what she did? She bought me a pack of cigarettes, calmly, when I was 9. Took me to the screen porch of our house. And had me try one. She didn't say anything judgemental, she just wanted me to see how gross it was, for myself.

It worked. I was never interested in smoking ever again (except once in college, I bought a pack because I thought seeming bad ass would get me a girl. But, instead of continuing to smoke I again found it gross and didn't continue).

So I suppose the example my mother gave me inspired me. Calmly allow the sin to happen in a safe context, and calmly realize the alternative is preferable. You can get on an upward slope towards less of it depending on how tempting the given sin is.



> I understand what you are saying about forgiving yourself, but it reads as if you are sort of 'pre-forgiving' yourself for sins you want to commit.


No. I do not want to look at it. But I might OCD occasionally and bring it up, and what I do is, instead of feel guilt or condemn myself, I just clamly realize I want to do something else with my time, stopping short of actually consuming any of it. But sometimes I fail, and being single now I have failed a few times. Of course I'm not entirely happy about that, but the true remedy will be to have a healthy relationship with another woman at some point in the hopefully not distant future.


----------



## Diana7

onceler1 said:


> You're not arguing with me but a hypothetical person who is trying to justify porn. I am not trying to justify it. I'm explaining my approach to reducing its use, and describing the conditions in which I could envision never using it again (having a wife who is as giving as could be expected throughout most of human history until very recently). If I ever did find a woman who really indeed was there for me every time I needed her, I think I would forget about porn very quickly, because as I explained earlier in this thread, exercising restraint and waiting for her makes sex 1000x better. But my wife was not a very giving person and eventually starved me of a wide variety of things I needed as her husband including sex as frequently as I would like. That's a difficult situation to be in. Then she cheated on me. So boo hoo I look at a little porn, but my 39 year old supposedly christian wife started ****ing a 21 year old when I was on business trips.


Its up to us to behave in a certain way no matter what our spouse does. My husbands wife had an affair and divorced him. He certainly didn't take it as a license to watch porn. She also often rejected him sexually, no porn then either.
In the end its your decision, but its not what God wants for you.


----------



## 269370

Diana7 said:


> Jesus doesn't perve.



I think this should be put on the entrance of every church, just to be absolutely clear, no? since some people still don’t get it.




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## onceler1

Diana7 said:


> Its up to us to behave in a certain way no matter what our spouse does. My husbands wife had an affair and divorced him. He certainly didn't take it as a license to watch porn. She also often rejected him sexually, no porn then either.
> In the end its your decision, but its not what God wants for you.


You know what God wants for me eh? :wink2:

So no porn even in tough circumstances...not masturbation either? Cause I honestly can't imagine that. I can wait for a week and a half even two weeks at max, but after that...sheesh. Not fun. Not fun at all. No wonder the entire Catholic church's priests who can't marry diddle children all the time, they all go totally bat**** insane from never relieving themselves.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> That's not what being a Christian is about.



I’m sure it isn’t, but technically, it would still work though.


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## Mr. Nail

Well 
I've noticed that God wants me to grow a beard. Strange thing that. I suppose God wanting me to live in a sexless marriage isn't much stranger by comparison. I'm just glad that unlike @onceler1 , he doesn't want me to live in a sexless marriage with an unrepentant long term cheater.


----------



## NobodySpecial

onceler1 said:


> Also, I'm uncertain if I am Christian. I am very pro Christianity, but I can't bring myself to accept some of the beliefs of Christianity literally. Take for example, the idea of Christ as having risen from the dead. I have no problem believing in this for its deeper meaning of him being risen and alive in our hearts. But if I have to believe he literally came out of the tomb alive, I have trouble with this.
> 
> I am interested in christian women because of their emphasis on family, but I wonder if they will have a problem with how I view the world.


There are many and varied forms of Christianity. There is likely one out there for you.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> Take it up with God then. Its He who makes the decisions.
> 
> 
> 
> Do you think its ok to do a little stealing? Or is it right that He says do not steal? Should He forbid adultery or should we be able to have adultery occasionally without feeling guilty? How about if we feel like hitting someone? I am sure that God would be ok if we hit someone occasionally if we got really angry right?



You do realise that ‘He’ didn’t say any of those things. Some people wrote stuff down (a generation or two later after it supposedly occurred) that they THOUGHT was told to them by God. 
What if I write down ‘you shall masturbate a little bit over porn if your wife is withholdeth her hand from your pipi’; why would no one believe me that it was from God? What is this double standard? 


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## 269370

onceler1 said:


> I'm NOT saying it is ok, even still.



Why not? It’s MUCH easier to just ‘own’ it. Say: ‘I watch porn when I need to and I’m ok about it’. See? Much easier just to be straight. (Meaning honest; nothing wrong with gay porn either, if that floats people’s boats).



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## 269370

onceler1 said:


> You're not arguing with me but a hypothetical person who is trying to justify porn. I am not trying to justify it. I'm explaining my approach to reducing its use, and describing the conditions in which I could envision never using it again (having a wife who is as giving as could be expected throughout most of human history until very recently). If I ever did find a woman who really indeed was there for me every time I needed her, I think I would forget about porn very quickly, because as I explained earlier in this thread, exercising restraint and waiting for her makes sex 1000x better. But my wife was not a very giving person and eventually starved me of a wide variety of things I needed as her husband including sex as frequently as I would like. That's a difficult situation to be in. Then she cheated on me. So boo hoo I look at a little porn, but my 39 year old supposedly christian wife started ****ing a 21 year old when I was on business trips.



Well, since people here seem to think that watching situations depicted in porn is equivalent to having sex with every one of these women, you had sex with much more people than your wife (including those men and the donkey too, presumably).

Also, if you were made in God’s image, you can’t be the only one enjoying a little porn surely?


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> Its up to us to behave in a certain way no matter what our spouse does. My husbands wife had an affair and divorced him. He certainly didn't take it as a license to watch porn. She also often rejected him sexually, no porn then either.
> 
> In the end its your decision, but its not what God wants for you.



Why would God want for him to be....unrelieved? This is what makes no sense to me. If he cared, wouldn’t he provide him with a willing wife, or two, instead?


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## Diana7

onceler1 said:


> You know what God wants for me eh? :wink2:
> 
> So no porn even in tough circumstances...not masturbation either? Cause I honestly can't imagine that. I can wait for a week and a half even two weeks at max, but after that...sheesh. Not fun. Not fun at all. No wonder the entire Catholic church's priests who can't marry diddle children all the time, they all go totally bat**** insane from never relieving themselves.


Yes we can know what God wants for all of us because its in His word. 
I don't see anywhere in the bible that forbids masturbation, just porn. You can do one without the other. People managed without porn for a very long time. 
As for RC priests, its completely unbiblical that church leaders cant marry, and its caused so many problems.


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## 269370

NobodySpecial said:


> There are many and varied forms of Christianity. There is likely one out there for you.



Is there one where you can pick and choose the bits that you like and ignore the bits you don’t like? ‘Cos that would be awesome.


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## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> You do realise that ‘He’ didn’t say any of those things. Some people wrote stuff down (a generation or two later after it supposedly occurred) that they THOUGHT was told to them by God.
> What if I write down ‘you shall masturbate a little bit over porn if your wife is withholdeth her hand from your pipi’; why would no one believe me that it was from God? What is this double standard?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


The whole of the Bible is Gods word to us. Inspired by Him. Jesus Himself says that men aren't to lust over other women, and that if they do its adultery of the heart. That's what porn is.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> Yes we can know what God wants for all of us because its in His word.
> 
> I don't see anywhere in the bible that forbids masturbation, just porn. You can do one without the other. People managed without porn for a very long time.
> 
> As for RC priests, its completely unbiblical that church leaders cant marry, and its caused so many problems.



That’s what caused problems? You mean if men didn’t get married, they would be assaulting children instead?


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## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> Why would God want for him to be....unrelieved? This is what makes no sense to me. If he cared, wouldn’t he provide him with a willing wife, or two, instead?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I cant see where the Bible says that masturbation is wrong and people have been masturbating without porn for most of history.


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## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> That’s what caused problems? You mean if men didn’t get married, they would be assaulting children instead?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


The closed institution of the RC church with so many unmarried men causes all sort of sexual sins to happen.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> The whole of the Bible is Gods word to us. Inspired by Him. Jesus Himself says that men aren't to lust over other women, and that if they do its adultery of the heart. That's what porn is.



But when I looked at porn (which I haven’t, maybe in a year now, because sex with wife is currently awesome), I don’t ‘lust’ after those women and I certainly wouldn’t want to have sex with any of them, I just like to see what they are up to, while nekkid.


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## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> I’m sure it isn’t, but technically, it would still work though.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


No it wouldn't because if someone thinks that way they haven't grasped at all what being a Christian is.


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## Diana7

Mr. Nail said:


> Well
> I've noticed that God wants me to grow a beard. Strange thing that. I suppose God wanting me to live in a sexless marriage isn't much stranger by comparison. I'm just glad that unlike @onceler1 , he doesn't want me to live in a sexless marriage with an unrepentant long term cheater.


----------



## Diana7

Mr. Nail said:


> Well
> I've noticed that God wants me to grow a beard. Strange thing that. I suppose God wanting me to live in a sexless marriage isn't much stranger by comparison. I'm just glad that unlike @onceler1 , he doesn't want me to live in a sexless marriage with an unrepentant long term cheater.


Where has anyone said that he should stay with a cheater?


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## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> But when I looked at porn (which I haven’t, maybe in a year now, because sex with wife is currently awesome), I don’t ‘lust’ after those women and I certainly wouldn’t want to have sex with any of them, I just like to see what they are up to, while nekkid.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Come on now stop being so naïve.


----------



## NobodySpecial

InMyPrime said:


> I think this should be put on the entrance of every church, just to be absolutely clear, no? since some people still don’t get it.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Jesus had a hell of a lot more to say about feeding the poor than who bangs whom.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> Come on now stop being so naïve.



I meant that it’s the situations that I find arousing, not the women themselves. I think that’s the biggest misconception between how genders perceive porn.
So under my definition, I am not ‘lusting’ after anyone, whereas perhaps you would, if you watched it.
But I’m going to hell in any case so it doesn’t really matter, I am ****ed either way.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> No it wouldn't because if someone thinks that way they haven't grasped at all what being a Christian is.



But unfortunately that’s what happens in practice quite a lot. The one great thing that people find so alluring about Christianity and why it has became the most popular religion, is that you can just repent and ask for forgiveness at any point and you will be forgiven.
And of course this can be open to abuse...

Do you feel that a serial child molester who repents and asks for forgiveness at his death bed deserves to go to heaven while someone who has been decent all their life, but happens to not be so sure whether God exists or not, goes to hell. Is that a fair arrangement?


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## Diana7

NobodySpecial said:


> Jesus had a hell of a lot more to say about feeding the poor than who bangs whom.


All of His teachings are important. How we live, how to treat others etc.


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## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> But unfortunately that’s what happens in practice quite a lot. The one great thing that people find so alluring about Christianity and why it has became the most popular religion, is that you can just repent and ask for forgiveness at any point and you will be forgiven.
> And of course this can be open to abuse...
> 
> Do you feel that a serial child molester who repents and asks for forgiveness at his death bed deserves to go to heaven while someone who has been decent all their life, but happens to not be so sure whether God exists or not, goes to hell. Is that a fair arrangement?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


IF repentance is genuine and heartfelt then anyone can be forgiven, that's Gods amazing Grace. 
As for being decent all their lives, we all do things wrong, that's why we need Jesus.

I personally have never met a person who think its ok to act how they like because they can then be forgiven. If they have that attitude then I would doubt their conversion is genuine.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> IF repentance is genuine and heartfelt then anyone can be forgiven, that's Gods amazing Grace.
> As for being decent all their lives, we all do things wrong, that's why we need Jesus.
> 
> I personally have never met a person who think its ok to act how they like because they can then be forgiven. If they have that attitude then I would doubt their conversion is genuine.



I understand why WE need Jesus. I find it harder to understand why Jesus would need us...

I think as long as you know that the option of repentance is available, you are more likely to do whatever you want, whether consciously or subconsciously. To deny this, is to be completely naive about human nature.


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## personofinterest

"I understand why WE need Jesus. I find it harder to understand why Jesus would need us"

Dang prime, you may not realize it but you may just about the most profound statement on this thread above. The point is, he really doesn't need us. He wants us. He loves us. He died for us. If more people who say they are christians understood your statement above, than a lot of the pride, self righteousness, and permissive sinning that we see in the church would disappear. Because when someone who is perfect and doesn't need you goes to the lengths that Jesus went to to have a relationship, you're not gonna screw it up by sinning and then saying it's OK to self forgive. You're going to want to be the best person possible. And you are not going to puff up with pride thinking that God is lucky to have your holy self. You will realize how gracious he is.


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## Mr. Nail

Diana7 said:


> Where has anyone said that he should stay with a cheater?


Matthew 19:6 Mark 10:9


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## Tasorundo

Matt 19:9


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## personofinterest

Mr. Nail said:


> Diana7 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Where has anyone said that he should stay with a cheater?
> 
> 
> 
> Matthew 19:6 Mark 10:9
Click to expand...

When people quote out of context

And here's a little nugget… those who stay married and stay miserable are still not obeying God. In Christ we are to be content and joyful in whatever circumstances we are in period so the self made martyr who stays married but bitterly bemoans their marriage the entire time is actually not being faithful. They are just being a whiny brat


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## Mr. Nail

I'm Sorry.


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## 269370

personofinterest said:


> "I understand why WE need Jesus. I find it harder to understand why Jesus would need us"



Well I am quite profound, haven’t you read all my deeply thought out psalms on vajayjay worship? 

If I could change the past though, I would rather he didn’t die for us. I would rather he had a wonderful, fulfilled life, full of joy, surrounded by some good friends and family. I realise this may make me sound ungrateful but I don’t really feel happy that I am in some way might be taking advantage of someone else’s death!

That might make the whole heaven thing go away, but I have a feeling it might be overrated anyway...

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## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> I understand why WE need Jesus. I find it harder to understand why Jesus would need us...
> 
> I think as long as you know that the option of repentance is available, you are more likely to do whatever you want, whether consciously or subconsciously. To deny this, is to be completely naive about human nature.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


He loves us, we are His creation. Do you love your children? God is our Father after all.

I think that if you love God and are genuinely wanting Him to change you and make you into a better person, you are not going to have that attitude.


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## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> Well I am quite profound, haven’t you read all my deeply thought out psalms on vajayjay worship?
> 
> If I could change the past though, I would rather he didn’t die for us. I would rather he had a wonderful, fulfilled life, full of joy, surrounded by some good friends and family. I realise this may make me sound ungrateful but I don’t really feel happy that I am in some way might be taking advantage of someone else’s death!
> 
> That might make the whole heaven thing go away, but I have a feeling it might be overrated anyway...
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


He is with God and has the most awesome life ever. The joy of heaven will make what we have here nothing.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> He is with God and has the most awesome life ever. The joy of heaven will make what we have here nothing.



It would still be nice to hear from him once in a while, to make sure he is alright.  


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## Diana7

Mr. Nail said:


> Matthew 19:6 Mark 10:9



And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” 

There are exclusions. Sexual immorality and abandonment.


----------



## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> It would still be nice to hear from him once in a while, to make sure he is alright.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


We can chat to Him anytime.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Diana7 said:


> We can chat *to *Him anytime.


Just not get a reply.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> We can chat to Him anytime.


It's not much of a conversation though, is it. I prefer it to be less one-sided. But don't mean to sound entitled.


----------



## Diana7

personofinterest said:


> "I understand why WE need Jesus. I find it harder to understand why Jesus would need us"
> 
> Dang prime, you may not realize it but you may just about the most profound statement on this thread above. The point is, he really doesn't need us. He wants us. He loves us. He died for us. If more people who say they are christians understood your statement above, than a lot of the pride, self righteousness, and permissive sinning that we see in the church would disappear. Because when someone who is perfect and doesn't need you goes to the lengths that Jesus went to to have a relationship, you're not gonna screw it up by sinning and then saying it's OK to self forgive. You're going to want to be the best person possible. And you are not going to puff up with pride thinking that God is lucky to have your holy self. You will realize how gracious he is.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> I meant that it’s the situations that I find arousing, not the women themselves. I think that’s the biggest misconception between how genders perceive porn.
> So under my definition, I am not ‘lusting’ after anyone, whereas perhaps you would, if you watched it.
> But I’m going to hell in any case so it doesn’t really matter, I am ****ed either way.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


IF you are a Christian you are not going to hell, but watching porn will affect your relationship with God and may stop you getting a wife who would be ok with a man who sometimes watches porn. 

Sorry but if there was no lust involved you wouldn't bother to watch porn.


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## personofinterest

NobodySpecial said:


> Just not get a reply.


That depends on how you qualify "reply."


----------



## 269370

personofinterest said:


> That depends on how you qualify "reply."


How do *you* qualify a reply?

Btw what's the symbols that people are posting? 10:9:30:2:11: etc

Is it some kind of maths equation to solve or Asci art? I want to participate:

\\
\\_
( _\
/ \__
/ _/`"`
{\ )_
`"""` (it's a bunny


----------



## 269370

Diana7 said:


> Sorry but if there was no lust involved you wouldn't bother to watch porn.


Not everything I do has to involve 'lust'...


----------



## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> How do *you* qualify a reply?
> 
> Btw what's the symbols that people are posting? 10:9:30:2:11: etc
> 
> Is it some kind of maths equation to solve or Asci art? I want to participate:
> 
> \\
> \\_
> ( _\
> / \__
> / _/`"`
> {\ )_
> `"""` (it's a bunny


He often speaks using Bible verses, or through nature, or through other people, or though pictures or thoughts in your mind.


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## 269370

. )\ 
\`.-' `-oo
) _ __,0)
/.' )/ a fish
'


----------



## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> Not everything I do has to involve 'lust'...



Porn is about lust.


----------



## 269370

Diana7 said:


> He often speaks using Bible verses, or through nature, or through other people, or though pictures or thoughts in your mind.



What kind of pictures?



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## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> What kind of pictures?
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Anything depending on what He is trying to say to you.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> Anything depending on what He is trying to say to you.



I thought the fact that He made porn so easily available to everyone was His way of telling me that he’s totally cool with that.

Now you are making me rethink it...


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## Diana7

InMyPrime said:


> I thought the fact that He made porn so easily available to everyone was His way of telling me that he’s totally cool with that.
> 
> Now you are making me rethink it...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Its not Him who makes porn available of course.


----------



## 269370

Diana7 said:


> Its not Him who makes porn available of course.




Why of course? He made everything else available. Who decides?


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## NobodySpecial

I have a question. No one on this thread, or anywhere else that I have seen, thinks masturbation is bad. From a religious or not religious PoV, what is bad about porn for a single person?


----------



## Mr. Nail

The Horse is DEAD. 
but since you ask.
Religiously, Mine says that any sexual relations outside of a legally sanctioned marriage is a sin. That includes self sex, and lusting after images of (or even written portrayals of) others. Now having said that, we also believe that some sins are greater than others. We also believe that forgiveness for sins is available. 
Personally masturbation is allowed in our marriage, and sometimes encouraged. We consider it as part of our sexual relationship. 

The things about porn that are bad for a single person are:
The objectification of persons.
visual overstimulation (brain chemistry and all that)
Addiction.


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## Faithful Wife

NobodySpecial said:


> I have a question. No one on this thread, or anywhere else that I have seen, thinks masturbation is bad. From a religious or not religious PoV, what is bad about porn for a single person?


Just my opinion...not a religious reason or answer...

Porn can be bad for single people if they tend to have bad tendencies with it. 

For single guys, porn can make them too lazy to pursue an actual woman. It can make them bad lovers (because the don’t pursue actual women and thus lack experience, or because they think things in porn are real). It can make them have bad expectations. It can make them lose touch with their fully masculine sexuality, because passively watching people have sex tells your mind “I don’t have sex, I just watch them have sex.” And eventually your body loses the desire and ability to act in naturally lustful ways, and instead allows the passive whacking off to being its entire sex life.

This does not mean this is true for all guys. But it is true for some guys, and we women have heard about or dated these guys.


----------



## 269370

I am pretty sure the only thing that would keep me from going out more than I should, it would be TAM....

If women only knew what a ****ty ****ty substitute porn is to the real thing....


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----------



## TheDudeLebowski

InMyPrime said:


> I am pretty sure the only thing that would keep me from going out more than I should, it would be TAM....
> 
> If women only knew what a ****ty ****ty substitute porn is to the real thing....
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


it's no substitute, but I certainly enjoy a good jerk. Your labelling here makes it sound like it's not good at all. I take offense to that! Maybe your jerk skills aren't on par with mine...


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## 269370

TheDudeLebowski said:


> it's no substitute, but I certainly enjoy a good jerk. Your labelling here makes it sound like it's not good at all. I take offense to that! Maybe your jerk skills aren't on par with mine...



Hey what happened to your masturbation thread? How was that any more against the rules than pretty much any other thread TAM?  Maybe it hasn’t reached the sophistication levels of the penis and erection threads yet 
It’s why I read TAM; I’m sick of people getting cheated on; I just want my brain to shut off before I go to bed!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TheDudeLebowski

InMyPrime said:


> Hey what happened to your masturbation thread? How was that any more against the rules than pretty much any other thread TAM?  Maybe it hasn’t reached the sophistication levels of the penis and erection threads yet
> It’s why I read TAM; I’m sick of people getting cheated on; I just want my brain to shut off before I go to bed!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


My guess is someone reported it. Which is my fault for the little shout out in the OP. It was a joke of course. Mods didn't warn me or anything, so I'm guessing they could tell it was clearly a joke. However, if they felt attacked and reported it, mods made the right call to just delete the thread entirely.


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