# HOW do I answer ???



## daveguy (5 mo ago)

I LOVE my wife dearly and in a LOT of ways we get along just wonderful. We're a great pair.
HOWEVER, this ONE (and it's a big one) problem is really hurting me.

My wife is constantly asking my opinion about things and I can't figure out how to answer her. 
(the subject is irrelevant - in fact, it usually is an irrelevant nothing news story she's heard from far away)

it seems as if, I get attacked no matter what I say!
If I have a different opinion, she responds angrily stating I'm calling her stupid/bad etc.

I hate to, and rarely have, but I can lie, however then she gets angry because she knows it's a lie.
If I ignore it, she gets horribly angry, attacking and hostile. (a much longer lasting anger).


I've tried hard to keep my response short, nice and neutral - but she always seems to take them as somehow attacking her - THEN a short time later, she picks a different (or the same, amazingly) subject and demands an answer again (be honest this time she says, or some such thing)

I'm become scared to talk to her at all, I hide or ignore - but worse, I feel like crying. 


IS there any way to mitigate this damage? I want to talk to her, but not near as much as I want to not hurt her.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Why would you want to mitigate anything?

I think the best thing you can do is tell it like it is, and if she doesn’t like that she can go pound sand. Then if she feels compelled to carry on at you about it, tell her to **** off!

At the end of the day, if you let people walk all over you they will.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

It would be helpful to know the nature of these questions. Certain things require difficult approaches.


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## daveguy (5 mo ago)

Personal said:


> Why would you want to mitigate anything?
> 
> I think the best thing you can do is tell it like it is, and if she doesn’t like that she can go pound sand. Then if she feels compelled to carry on at you about it, tell her to **** off!
> 
> At the end of the day, if you let people walk all over you they will.


wow, interesting perspective. 
The part I want to mitigate is her feeling hurt by my comments that had no such intention. She shouldn't feel like I'm calling her stupid just because I disagree with her. I feel bad for her and would like to talk to her without her feeling like I hurt her. 
I DO tell her like it is, normally. I love her too much to tell her to **** off. that would hurt her more. I want to hurt her LESS while still being able to talk. 

I don't think she walks all over me, correct me if I'm wrong. Because I still give her my honest opinion and defend them. She doesn't control/force me to do or not do, anything. 
Other than, she makes me feel bad as I see her angry and depression over feeling insulted.
So maybe I just need to stop feeling bad when she reacts bad? and let her feel sad/upset about innocent comments without joining her in that misery? (nor trying to help her not feel bad). 

OTOH I love her and would like her to not be so upset - especially at my hands! innocent as I may be/seem.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

daveguy said:


> ...in a LOT of ways we get along just wonderful. We're a great pair.


Uh, okay, if you say so .... I guess as long as you don't engage in any conversations with her, things will be "great."

But, from what you've posted so far, nothing strikes me as "great." Not one damn thing.


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## daveguy (5 mo ago)

lifeistooshort said:


> It would be helpful to know the nature of these questions. Certain things require difficult approaches.


I knew this was coming.
the nature of the questions really are greatly varied.

Let me give two different small examples.

She might as "what do you think I should do tomorrow when I'm over to my sisters helping"
I'll make a list of things and say you could do any of these or ask her.
Her response might be "So you just don't care! I wanted help and you won't help me". 

as she reads internet news she'll as me something like "can you believe they did something so mean"?
I'll respond with "no, they might have had a reason, we never know the whole story"
Her response will be like "you always say I'm wrong and stupid - no way they had a reason, mean is mean no matter what! "


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Based on your examples, it sounds to me like there's not much you can do. You're painting a picture of you attempting to have a rational conversation and her drawing outlandish, unfair, and untrue conclusions. Did I miss anything here?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

daveguy said:


> I LOVE my wife dearly and in a LOT of ways we get along just wonderful. We're a great pair.
> HOWEVER, this ONE (and it's a big one) problem is really hurting me.
> 
> My wife is constantly asking my opinion about things and I can't figure out how to answer her.
> ...


1. You need to give some specific examples.
2. Your wife seems to have a lot more power in your marriage than you do. That’s bad.
Being meek and passive and supplicating to her is extremely ineffective, extremely unattractive and destroys her respect for you.

Two possibilities come to mind:
- She’s pushing you and testing you, in hopes that you will be a strong confident man and not bend to her, not supplicate to her and not put up with silly crap from her. 
Women instinctively understand that if you can’t stand up TO her, you can’t stand up FOR her. 
It may be a test, and if so it sounds like you’re failing.
or
- She’s deliberately creating fights with you because she’s not attracted to you, doesn’t respect you and is purposely creating a negative dynamic to justify cheating on you or leaving you.

Either way, stop being passive and supplicating, stop reacting to her, and start operating in your own frame and leading your marriage.

How’s the sexual dynamic in your marriage, by the way?


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## daveguy (5 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> Uh, okay, if you say so .... I guess as long as you don't engage in any conversations with her, things will be "great."
> 
> But, from what you've posted so far, nothing strikes me as "great." Not one damn thing.



ouch, good point. I GUESS I could be just living in a Fantasy World. 
thanks for pointing that out. I will have to ponder this for a while and see what I come up with. Communication is important.

OTOH, we share household duties well. Sex etc is great, we run business stuff together great. We support each other against the outside world, vacation fun, we're super helpful with each other's health issues, we Compliment each other sincerely, our fun and game activities match and work well, our family life is awesome, we forgive and forget flaws and mistakes easily, ETC

We just can't sit down in the evenings (sometimes other times) and discuss anything without me upsetting her a LOT. and me being upset by her thinking I personally attack her for having an opinion on world news or other small stuff. 
weird


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## daveguy (5 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> Based on your examples, it sounds to me like there's not much you can do. You're painting a picture of you attempting to have a rational conversation and her drawing outlandish, unfair, and untrue conclusions. Did I miss anything here?


it does seem like that is my perspective. Hopefully it's correct, OR how do I know surely? 

anyways, So I guess I just need learn there is nothing I can do and just cope. like I said, all else is great so, just accept I can't have perfection.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Has your wife exhibited insecurity regarding her opinions in the past? She just sounds so darned defensive. Is it possible the tone of your voice or the way you frame your responses could trigger her to get this defensive? While it's true that nowadays people get pretty emotional when it comes to stating their opinions, I just wonder why she can't agree to disagree. My husband I did not share similar views on abortion or gun control, yet we respected one another's opinion.

Anything you can think of that could be making her feel this way?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

daveguy said:


> I knew this was coming.
> the nature of the questions really are greatly varied.
> 
> Let me give two different small examples.
> ...


So why don't you ask her if she really wants your opinion? Ask her if you should still provide it if you don't agree?

My mom and ex were like this. My ex was so sensitive that expressing dislike of a tv show he liked was a personal attack on his character.

I just stopped answering. When he'd bring up shows I'd answer with "whatever".

My mom accused us of thinking she was stupid all the time. I'd tell her nobody thought she was stupid...we're just talking but we don't have to talk. That usually stopped her.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Ugh, sounds exhausting. You should address this with her, that you’re feeling like you need to walk on eggshells and you’d like to know why she’s reacting like this. Could there be something from the past, maybe you treated her differently and she’s hanging into that?

Hopefully, you’ll get to the bottom of it before it erodes your self-esteem. 😔


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## daveguy (5 mo ago)

DudeInProgress said:


> ............
> 2. Your wife seems to have a lot more power in your marriage than you do. That’s bad.
> Being meek and passive and supplicating to her is extremely ineffective, extremely unattractive and destroys her respect for you.
> 
> ...


Yes, she does have more power in many areas (and me in some other) seems a fairly good balance match
she does seem to use anger as a control tactic some times. 

No sign of, and I'm sure she's not planning leaving or cheating. 
but I guess it could be related to me retiring and getting old. 
is that addressable I wonder...........

sex is great still though, although diminished a bit lately (her choice)


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Sounds to me your wife just wants to argue with you.

How about next time she asks you a question wanting your opinion on something you just tell her "it doesn't really matter what I think about it and I've learned from past experience that no matter what I say you're not going to like it and thus it's better for both of us for me to stay quiet because I don't want to argue with you".

Then STFU and walk away.

Until she can have a conversation without arguing with you just show her you're not going to play that B.S.

Eventually you'll give her the chance to show you she's not going to argue with you but the minute she starts with that nonsense again just say, "well here you go again" followed by "not going there" and walk away.

It's called a firm boundary and if your wife wants to step over it there are consequences.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

daveguy said:


> I LOVE my wife dearly and in a LOT of ways we get along just wonderful. We're a great pair.
> HOWEVER, this ONE (and it's a big one) problem is really hurting me.
> 
> My wife is constantly asking my opinion about things and I can't figure out how to answer her.
> ...


Tell her to quit asking you stupid questions! She sounds like she's using that to bully you. Just tell her to stop it. If you don't have the nerve to tell her to stop it get in marriage counseling and talk about it there where you have a referee.


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## daveguy (5 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> Has your wife exhibited insecurity regarding her opinions in the past? She just sounds so darned defensive. Is it possible the tone of your voice or the way you frame your responses could trigger her to get this defensive? While it's true that nowadays people get pretty emotional when it comes to stating their opinions, I just wonder why she can't agree to disagree. My husband I did not share similar views on abortion or gun control, yet we respected one another's opinion.
> 
> Anything you can think of that could be making her feel this way?


With everyone, She's always been very impulsive and SURE of her opinions, perhaps so sure that even a question is an attack I guess.

My tone may still be a bit of an issue, good catch. But I think I have it really controlled for a long time. 

and thank GOD we're not too different politically!!!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

daveguy said:


> With everyone, She's always been very impulsive and SURE of her opinions, perhaps so sure that even a question is an attack I guess.
> 
> My tone may still be a bit of an issue, good catch. But I think I have it really controlled for a long time.
> 
> and thank GOD we're not too different politically!!!


Even still if you don't want to have these conversations with her because of the dynamics between you, tell her you don't want to hear about it anymore. There are plenty of online forums you can go to this to discuss and debate that sort of thing if you're just baiting for a fight.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Could the two of you find a good MC who can hopefully help you to deal with this situation and learn to communicate better? 
It really sounds as if she deliberately provokes you.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Does she have a job or does she have too much time on her hands and need to get a job so she doesn't have so much idle time?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Could the two of you find a good MC who can hopefully help you to deal with this situation and learn to communicate better?
> It really sounds as if she deliberately provokes you.


This is not a marriage counselor issue. 

This is a OP just needs to stand up to his wife and stop tolerating her picking fights and bashing and disrespecting him kind of issue.

He simply needs to stop engaging with her (from a position of strength, not coddling or cowering) when she does this and stop allowing her this dynamic, @sideways was spot on a few posts back.

If he needs to run to a third-party authority figure to exercise or justify some backbone on how he’s willing to be treated, he already lost. 
He needs to establish this boundary himself.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

When you feel like you’re being set up for a blow up, just ask her if she needs you as her emotional punching bag again and if so, you don’t feel like being beat on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

daveguy said:


> I knew this was coming.
> the nature of the questions really are greatly varied.
> 
> Let me give two different small examples.


I have a slightly different point of view on your examples. I don't think that your replies to her are bad ones. But I think I see what's bothering her. You are giving her your point of view. She wants interaction with you and your approval. If there is any chance at all that she will not act defensive to further discussion, she needs that interaction/approval from you first.



daveguy said:


> She might as "what do you think I should do tomorrow when I'm over to my sisters helping"
> I'll make a list of things and say you could do any of these or ask her.
> Her response might be "So you just don't care! I wanted help and you won't help me".


Maybe she wanted you to sit down with her and brainstorm. Did you even ask her what things she was thinking she could do? She wanted interaction (intimacy) with you. You wrote something on paper and handed it to her.



daveguy said:


> as she reads internet news she'll as me something like "can you believe they did something so mean"?
> I'll respond with "no, they might have had a reason, we never know the whole story"
> Her response will be like "you always say I'm wrong and stupid - no way they had a reason, mean is mean no matter what! "


It would be interesting to know what the news story was that she remarked about. With some of the stories out there your response would be reasonable, others not so much. When you reply to her like that, have you read the story? Or is she the only one who as read it and so she knows more details than you do?

Your reply _"no, they might have had a reason, we never know the whole story"_ is rejecting her point of view. You started your reply with the word "NO". That word taints everything that follows. That's probably all she heard.

She's not looking for your point of view, she wants your affirmation. "Yea that's pretty stupid", even "Yea that's pretty stupid depending on the circumstance.". Leading with an affirming word... it goes a long way.

It sounds like the two of you are good people and a basically good marriage. It's worth working on. You two need counseling to learn better ways to communicate.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

daveguy said:


> I don't think she walks all over me, correct me if I'm wrong.


Okay.



daveguy said:


> it seems as if, I get attacked no matter what I say!





> I hate to, and rarely have, but I can lie, however then she gets angry because she knows it's a lie.
> If I ignore it, she gets horribly angry, attacking and hostile. (a much longer lasting anger).





> I'm become scared to talk to her at all, I hide or ignore - but worse, I feel like crying.





daveguy said:


> So I guess I just need learn there is nothing I can do and just cope.


You don't need to. Yet you can choose to do exactly that.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

daveguy said:


> I'm calling her stupid just because I disagree with her. I feel bad for her and would like to talk to her without her feeling like I hurt her.


Have you asked her WHY she would feel stupid just because you disagree with her? EVERYONE is entitled to their own opinions. Have her maybe explain WHY she has taken the position she has, and then you explain why you have done the same. Ask her to NOT get angry just because YOU disagree. You are not her, she is not you -- your thought processes, history, backgrounds, etc. are NOT THE SAME, so it's logical that you will not agree on everything.
If you agree on NOTHING, then not sure that you don't have drastically different value and belief systems which makes me wonder how you got together!


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> Have you asked her WHY she would feel stupid just because you disagree with her? EVERYONE is entitled to their own opinions. Have her maybe explain WHY she has taken the position she has, and then you explain why you have done the same. Ask her to NOT get angry just because YOU disagree. You are not her, she is not you -- your thought processes, history, backgrounds, etc. are NOT THE SAME, so it's logical that you will not agree on everything.
> If you agree on NOTHING, then not sure that you don't have drastically different value and belief systems which makes me wonder how you got together!


 May be it is in how he responds to her , 
many years ago I was in the car with a guy that now is a important leader , he said lets do an experiment.
he stopped at a red light while waiting for the lights to change to green he let down the window and asked in a high voice rough, "was this the right way to x "
to a passer by the person shouted back at him to keep going and at the round- about take the first exit ,
next lights he again did the same thing but this time he was so polite about it all most sorry for asking , the passer by responded back to him the same way , 
then he gave us a lesion on how to debate , don't try to wine in another's game take them to your world and talk about what you know and talk to them the way you want them to talk back to you , raise your voice and they will do the same lower your voice they will follow , but use langue that is your everyday langue and not putting on an act as the act will be found out when the other knows that world better than you


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Do you always disagree with everything? 

Have there been any conversations where you have agreed?


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

It does sound exhausting but when she says stuff, commenting on what she read, just agree with her. In the example you gave when she asks if you could believe they were so mean, you pointed out other options. She didn't want to hear other options. She wants you to validate her conclusion that yes, they appeared mean. 

When she asks for suggestions & you offer some but she gets upset, you need to reply that you simply answered the Q she asked but that if she didn't want to consider your opinion she should not have asked because it's mean of her to invalidate your input, especially after she asked for it.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> It does sound exhausting but when she says stuff, commenting on what she read, just agree with her. In the example you gave when she asks if you could believe they were so mean, you pointed out other options. She didn't want to hear other options. She wants you to validate her conclusion that yes, they appeared mean.
> 
> When she asks for suggestions & you offer some but she gets upset, you need to reply that you simply answered the Q she asked but that if she didn't want to consider your opinion she should not have asked because it's mean of her to invalidate your input, especially after she asked for it.


I’ll give my perspective as I had similar experiences with my H. It was honestly the way he responded, with that said, there was resentment there. It was a build up of things. I would definitely try to sit with your wife calmly and ask her how she’s feeling, and let her know that you do listen to her and are supportive of her. And let her know that you want to work on this as it’s causing you both pain. Try not to overdo it, and then ask her if she would be willing to go to a marriage therapist to work on this together. Let us know how it goes. I really do think that you’re both only seeing it from your own perspective and not able to see the other’s.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

daveguy said:


> I LOVE my wife dearly and in a LOT of ways we get along just wonderful. We're a great pair.
> HOWEVER, this ONE (and it's a big one) problem is really hurting me.
> ...
> *it seems as if, I get attacked no matter what I say!*
> ...


On a day when she is not asking your opinion and the two of you are not arguing or angry--in other words on a day that is just a normal day--you will need to be brave and tell her that you need to talk to her about something, and then tell her how you feel using W-T-F-S which stands for "When you"..."I Think..." "I Feel..." "So I'd like to request..." Here's an example:

*When you *(describe when this occurs but not using accusations or emotional words to describe the times...just be factual so she gets "when" it's happening). _"When you ask my for my opinion on what to do or on an article..."_

*I Think *(put into words what goes through your mind, exactly the words you hear inside your head). _"...I think 'Oh no! I'm afraid to answer! I don't want to fight and I don't know what to say! No matter what, I can't say the right thing!' ..."_

*I Feel *(put into words how you feel, and definitely use emotional words here keeping the focus on you and not blaming her). _"...I feel afraid and scared to talk to you and attacked...honestly I feel like crying! I hate it! I feel like weeping in sorrow." _

*So I'd like to request *(So what would fix this? What are you asking for? You want to be able to speak your mind and never have her respond? You want to be able to disagree? What are you requesting?). "_...So I'd like to request that if you ask me what I think, and I answer you, that you respond with 'Hmmm...my opinion differs but thank you for being honest.' " OR "So I'd to to request that you reply with a KIND response even if we disagree."_



daveguy said:


> Let me give two different small examples.
> 
> She might as *"what do you think I should do tomorrow when I'm over to my sisters helping"*
> I'll make a list of things and say you could do any of these or ask her.
> ...


Okay I think I see part of the problem. You think she's asking you "what should I do?" or "what do you think?" and what she's really asking you is whether you support her and validate her. 

I'll give you two examples:
*"what do you think I should do tomorrow when I'm over to my sisters helping"*
She's not asking you to necessarily solve her problem FOR HER. She's wondering something like if you'll support her...do you think she can handle it...etc. So a great answer to something like this is "Well, you are a strong, smart woman and I know you can handle anything! I believe in you!" I don't know all the particulars of this "helping her sister" scenario but you do. She may not know "what to do" as in what actual tasks to accomplish...but more than likely she knows WHAT to do but is a bit afraid to do it or is afraid she won't be able to do it. So "Babe I believe in you and I know that you know what needs to be done. How can I help you do what you need to do"... Get it?

*"can you believe they did something so mean"?*
She's not asking you if you believe it or for your opinion on the meanest of the act. She's saying "Holy smoke the world is crazy right now" and you're response tells her that her view of the world is inaccurate. So let's envision it was a driveby shooting. She says "can you believe they'd do that!?" Maybe you think "Well yeah, I kinda can believe it because XYZ." But a better response would be "Wow, really? Man! That's messed up!" Or "That is shocking" or being truly honest, say "Wow it sounds like you're really shocked!" or "Tell me about what you thought was the meanest part..." 

See validating doesn't mean that you AGREE--it does mean that you recognize THEIR emotion or understand. So reflect it back "Here's what I hear you saying. Is that right?"


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Is she otherwise very child-like?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> She's not looking for your point of view, she wants your affirmation.


*Yes, this exactly.*



> It sounds like the two of you are good people and a basically good marriage. It's worth working on. You two need counseling to learn better ways to communicate.


Yes, this is a perfect example of a problem for marriage counselling. A relationship that has many good points, that both people want to keep, but there's something malfunctioning in the pattern of communication.



daveguy said:


> as she reads internet news she'll as me something like "can you believe they did something so mean"?


You need to learn to read the sub-titles, on her words. She says "_can you believe they did something so mean_" and her subtitles say "_I feel sad (or afraid) about the state of the world these days_". The latter is what you could respond to, 



> I'll respond with "_no, they might have had a reason, we never know the whole story_"


You are absolutely right about news channels. They make their money by upsetting people like your wife. It's evil. But your response doesn't meet what she's really saying. Which is "I feel sad" or "afraid". She needs to know you're on her side. 

I recognise the pattern, at a technical level. You're over-involved in her feelings. Looking at your second post, it's all about you wanting her feelings to be a certain way. It's a problem for you to try to do that. And on the other half, she's insufficiently individuated to be able to ok with you having a different opinion. You both have work to do, on functioning as two distinct people.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

If you take the bait then she has you on the hook. It’s a lot easier to tell her you aren’t interested in her opinionated outburst


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

@daveguy If that is a photo of you in your Avitar, you might want to change to something else that doesn't identify you.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

DudeInProgress said:


> This is not a marriage counselor issue.


Agree. She needs to see a psychiatrist.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

In Absentia said:


> Agree. She needs to see a psychiatrist.


Disagree. Getting a psychiatric diagnosis and/or medication is unlikely to help. 
Saying someone needs to see a psych is usually just a way to say "the problem is all them, not me".


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Mr.Married said:


> It’s a lot easier to tell her you aren’t interested in her opinionated outburst


And as Homer Simpson said, if a thing is hard, it's probably not worth doing.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Laurentium said:


> Disagree. Getting a psychiatric diagnosis and/or medication is unlikely to help.
> Saying someone needs to see a psych is usually just a way to say "the problem is all them, not me".


My comment was a bit tongue in cheek, @Laurentium


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

daveguy said:


> Other than, she makes me feel bad as I see her angry and depression over feeling insulted.
> So maybe I just need to stop feeling bad when she reacts bad? and let her feel sad/upset about innocent comments without joining her in that misery? (nor trying to help her not feel bad).


This right here. You are not causing her issues. She is doing it to herself. You have done nothing wrong. You are letting her issues control your reactions. Tell her, Having a different opinion on something does not mean one is stupid. People are allowed to have different ideas.


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## Indian_Nerd_Dad (Dec 23, 2021)

daveguy said:


> it seems as if, I get attacked no matter what I say!
> If I have a different opinion, she responds angrily stating I'm calling her stupid/bad etc.


I am just lay person (but with 47 years of lived experience and 1 divorce). IMO, the experiences suggest a deeper issue/resentment that you need to talk about and address. In other words, these are her way of trying to scratch the surface in the hopes of eventually getting to the deeper/root resentment issues. If you don't address the root resentment, your marriage will fall apart eventually. So I would suggest counseling (in-person) with an effective therapist/councilor (finding a good one is a challenge) to address the root cause(s) of this deeper resentment issues.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I think as some others have said she may be just looking for affirmation and support from you. My wife and I used to occasionally get into something like this. I realized I did have a habit of always taking a contrary position to what hers obviously was. You should be able to speak your mind, but if the topic is of little consequence and you know it has a chance of generating friction, then why go there? Save that for the important discussions. I've made it a habit to ask her something and align with her where I could and then the conversation just moves on to another topic. 

For example below is how I would approach answering the question examples you gave. The difference is subtle, but an easy change and I think it changes the whole tone of the interaction. 



daveguy said:


> She might as "what do you think I should do tomorrow when I'm over to my sisters helping"
> I'll make a list of things and say you could do any of these or ask her.
> Her response might be "So you just don't care! I wanted help and you won't help me".


My response might be: "Does she have any thing that is a top priority she needs help with?"
She responds: "She needs help with a,b,c"
My response: "that sounds like a good idea, maybe you could do x,y,z too when that is done"



daveguy said:


> as she reads internet news she'll as me something like "can you believe they did something so mean"?
> I'll respond with "no, they might have had a reason, we never know the whole story"
> Her response will be like "you always say I'm wrong and stupid - no way they had a reason, mean is mean no matter what! "


My response: "That does sound mean, do you think there could be a reason they did that?"
She responds: "No, I think they are just mean "
My response: "Yeah, certainly seems that way"


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