# Husband prefers video sex



## Rosey (Oct 4, 2013)

Just found proof husband doing live sex with someone on line on iPad or iPhone. I broached on the subject says my imagination is way out and to shut up. I want to say I've heard him but have refrained. Any help what to do next I'm in bits here. Thanks


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What do YOU want? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rosey (Oct 4, 2013)

A relationship with my husband. I drank but stopped, he said that was the cause of anything wrong.
I put vars in bedroom and living room and he was talking, having sex but there was no one in house thank goodness .
It's been suggested he may have a sexual problem.


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## Rosey (Oct 4, 2013)

I've known there is something wrong, he won't hug, kiss , cuddle me, we had sex 3 times since July and the way he is makes me feel like a *****.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Suggested by who? and what kind of "problem"? Whacking off to some skank on the internet doesn't mean he's "a sexual addict", it just means he's an d-bag.

Lay out your boundaries and stick with them. You can't change his behavior, all you can do is choose whether to let him continue to treat you like this. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Go find a real man who will want sex with you because he is into you, not because you happen to be a body and his hand is tired.


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## Rosey (Oct 4, 2013)

I read here about vars so interpreted it as a good idea as he wouldn't come near me and says it's me that I pushed him away for that long he's used to not having sex.
Basically my fault, again, I've asked if he will see a counciellor but he won't.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And? Did you reject him repeatedly for sex?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rosey (Oct 4, 2013)

I suppose I did, the romance went and it was just like I was a piece of meat, use and discard.


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## Rosey (Oct 4, 2013)

I can take the blame but I think we both have to join in to make relationship work, it's all one sided.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Rosey said:


> I can take the blame but I think we both have to join in to make relationship work, it's all one sided.


Unfortunately, the only control you have is whether you'll tolerate the way he treats you or not. You can't control whether he woke on the marriage or not. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rosey (Oct 4, 2013)

Thanks Pbear it's 3.20 am here in the uk, my head hurts my chest hurts, so no, I can't tolerate it for much longer, I just don't want to have a blazing row where he walks again.
Looks like I will stay quiet and bide my time, thanks.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Bide your time for what? There's nothing saying you need to act immediately, and there's nothing wrong with taking a breather. Figure out what you want, get your ducks lined up... You CAN get through whatever you need to. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You checked out of the marriage cause of booze and he checked out of the marriage with porn.
Now it's up to the 2 of you to do the hard part and check back in. MC would help.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Rosey,
I appears that both of you had at some time in the past given up , and let things in the relationship slide.

He's now online having cybersex with another woman.
You've got the proof , so if you haven't as yet , confront him .
If you're willing to stay married , then find out what he wants and if he also wants to work on the relationship then ,
Some marital counseling is supposed to help.

Based on what you've posted so far ,I don't think your situation is irreconcilable .

Best wishes.


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## Rosey (Oct 4, 2013)

I have done my upmost since July and although we got on ok as friends, that's just what we could have been.
I knew something wasn't right and when I put the vars in bedroom I found out.


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## Rosey (Oct 4, 2013)

I hope I can keep quiet until I get my head sorted.


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## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

I am going to give a different perspective than many here. I can also say that my perspective is based on experience. Try a completely different approach that will take some serious guts, serious communication, and lack of embarrassment on BOTH your parts. 

Find out what he likes. Don't be appalled. Just accept. Then dig deeper. Don't be appalled, just dig deeper and find out more. When you find out more, don't be appalled and just continue digging and digging and digging and digging and digging.

Talk. Communicate. Ask why. Experiment. Experiment with your self. Start listening to your inner self. In some ways, he is already chapters ahead, but has no idea that he is really chapters behind. 

There is a pattern. People who really truly begin exploring what is inside themselves with no inhibitions, and no fears or worries about what others will think eventually find something out: they have no idea what they will like and how they will evolve in six months. They learn to embrace and love that.

Don't condemn. Embrace. 

Explore yourself as well.

Share and learn together. If you two truly love each other and you are stronger minded than most of the general public, the greatest days of your life are just around the corner. The most difficult part will be making it comfortable enough to truly open up and be honest with each other, and also honest with yourselves. 

I could write a novel. Feel free to stay in touch and ask a thousand questions. As far as MY relationship, every single thing you could ever imagine (and then some more) is discussed and experimented with in my relationship. It brings us closer together and to emotional tears of joy. I truly hope this is what heaven is like (only with more money). I hope you two can get where we are. Most can't. But the beauty is, there are communities of people that HAVE arrived and help one another.


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