# She "loves" me, but have lost attraction towards me



## canisavethis? (Mar 14, 2015)

Hi, I have some huge decisions to make in the upcoming months and i;m just looking for those with experience in this, especially woman's that have gone thru this before. Let me start by saying that i am 25 and she is 23 years old, we been together since high school & got married on 2009, I am her first love and man in her life as she was my first love but not first woman on mine. We have 2 amazing kids, 5 and 3 years old . I been told by wife and many people close to us that I am a great father,husband. Personally I am very sincere and that is my main value that I respect too, I share good or bad with my wife and always listen,ask questions, worry about her in ways that she always been happy about it. I have a not so good childhood of violence with my mother, losing my dad at 7 years old and getting kick out of high school. so I was never the good kid at school, she helped me by giving a reason to love someone,respect and share my life with. But after a while I felt that she lost attraction towards me, could it be that I change for the good, I'm currently in the military, got us a house, and everything in between. I love my job and she loves having security with me, she knows I work hard for my family and I even make sure she prepared herself to a future without me since I know anything could happen. Now i got tired of asking her why i felt her sexually disconnected towards me i try everything with her on the bed looking to spice things up, I have a very high sex drive, I want sex everyday but she can just go without it, and i complied with her so that she dont feel that i'm making her do something just for my own sake. Finally i sat with AGAIN after many times asking her whats wrong, she is a amazing wife in everything else and a amazing mother too. I asked her if she wanted a open relationship were she could go out with someone else and me too, but i dont want that, i just wanted to see her reaction to that, to see if is just a low sex drive thats she have, I felt horrible asking her that since sincerity is my value. She looked surprised and then went to say that it could help if we just try something new once a year or once every 6 months, at that point i felt devastated, I would never ever share my wife with anyone else, I love her and respect her so much for me to treat her like just a sex object, thats not for me ever, how could she just say that so simple and without issues. Right there I noticed that she is ot atracted towards me anymore or who know never, maybe she just loved me for who I was and never cause the attraction and now she feel the need to look elsewhere, I'm a athletic person, fit and that I know not bad looking, so what could it be wrong, I did told her right away that I was just making that up to see thru her true feelings towards me, i did not got mad i did not argue at all, i just went into shock mode, I'm still in shock mode. sorry for this for been this loong, i could be ever longer. But I just want to understand and to know your advice?? I'm willing to let her go if i found out that she is with me just because of the person I am, I want to be with someone thats at least feel attracted towards me, and I do love her, but i guess this is it


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Sounds to me as if you really didn't think the whole thing through when you brought up the whole "open marriage" issue, eh? I don't know, but at this point the only thing I can recommend is that you keep your fly zipped up and the two of you seek counseling together. I feel your pain my friend, I really do. I was/am still in the same boat. When my wife's libido went to "0", my initial thoughts were "She is no longer attracted to me". Given my condition and history, I knew how to "fix" that...I sought out other women. Now this went on for a few years and we've now reconciled and we are both working on repairing our marriage, but I too at one time offered her the option to seek out other men...In her case she declined but it seems natural when a partner's libido drops to nil for the "spurned" partner to think it may be them...as did I.

Anyway, you two are young and perhaps a little couples therapy might help the two of you. Oh...and one thing I learned, at least with my wife, I wanted sex daily too and showing/expressing your desire for sex daily has the opposite effect on her. The minute I learned to back off...she was more readily to approach me when she is in the mood. Pressure for sex is never a good thing my friend. HTH and best of luck.


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## canisavethis? (Mar 14, 2015)

MountainRunner said:


> I wanted sex daily too and showing/expressing your desire for sex daily has the opposite effect on her. The minute I learned to back off...she was more readily to approach me when she is in the mood. Pressure for sex is never a good thing my friend.


Thanks for the advice, but i never pressure her for sex. actually I had wait before for a whileeee before i even try anything, but always keep my flirting with her every single, she even told me that i am always looking for ways to make her happy and comfortable.. anyway thanks again and I'm just really confused right now.. lol


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Canisavethis:

I am saying this gently. Paragraphs sir. Please. It is hard to read and take in without them.

When was the last time you went and did something together that could be even remotely considered adventurous?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

canisavethis? said:


> I asked her if she wanted a open relationship were she could go out with someone else and me too, but i dont want that, i just wanted to see her reaction to that, to see if is just a low sex drive thats she have, I felt horrible asking her that since sincerity is my value. She looked surprised and then went to say that it could help if we just try something new once a year or once every 6 months


Trying something new doesn't necessarily mean trying it with someone else.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She may well be trying "something" new already. Her reaction was disturbing. You might want to start checking for signs of cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Sounds like you got a weasel in your chicken coop.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

2015-2009=6
23-6=17
You married a 17 year old?

YOU suggested an open relationship? (If yes, Someone get me the nuclear facepalm image)

Anyway. Top link in my signature for all you need to look around.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

You know, she could've answered the way she did because she thought that's what HE wanted, not necessarily because that's what she wanted. Sheesh.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Telling your woman that you're ok with her doing someone else is a great way to let her know she has little value to you. I know there are rare cases where open marriage can work, but as I understand it's almost always in marriages that are good. It's not going solve problems.
Perhaps you need to be a little more forward with her? You sound kind of passive and this typically doesn't inspire passion in women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> You sound kind of passive and this typically doesn't inspire passion in women.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Telling your woman that you're ok with her doing someone else is a great way to let her know she has little value to you. I know there are rare cases where open marriage can work, but as I understand it's almost always in marriages that are good. It's not going solve problems.
> Perhaps you need to be a little more forward with her? You sound kind of passive and this typically doesn't inspire passion in women.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Marriages that are good don't require sex from outside partners. 

Open marriage is a farce.


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## RespectWalk (Mar 16, 2015)

Dude, you're a male victim of chicken sh*t liberal western culture. You're now the beta in your relationship. You actually offered your wife an open marriage where she can go screw whomever she wants. WTH is wrong with you? C'mon man, man up, channel your inner alpha male because that's what she really wants. If you don't some other male will.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Let's review a few things. 

1. Very few woman with two kids want sex every day. You are better off looking for a reasonable 1 or 2 times per week. 

2. You brought up something sad and immoral and are mad when she went with it. You could try going for a romantic weekend or doing other things to get her in the mood. You should apologize for your abhorrent suggestion. 

3. Women do not feel valued by someone constantly asking them for sex. If you want her to feel loved or valued, you need to do it in non-sexual ways. 

4. If you have to watch a movie or magazine perhaps that's needed to calm your drive down because its not going to be every day regardless and your quest for this is causing serious problems. 

5. Have you been on vacation. 

I have a very high sex drive, I want sex everyday but she can just go without it, and i complied with her so that she dont feel that i'm making her do something just for my own sake. Finally i sat with AGAIN after many times asking her whats wrong, she is a amazing wife in everything else and a amazing mother too.


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