# Feeling valued at work



## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Two questions:

1. How important is it for a man to feel valued in his job by the people he works for/with?

2. If a man has had several jobs in the past say 20 years and has rarely felt valued, why would that be?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

My man is very successful in his career and I know that it partly defines him. In the upper corporate world they talk in terms of being their own "brand" and it is vital that people at this level are highly valued by staff and the employer.

As for why a man would have not felt valued, he is the only one that can answer. Has he worked hard, shown loyalty, gone the extra mile?


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Most people, men and women, find satisfaction being valued at work. Why someone has never felt valued over 20 years of working could be from many things, too many to pick one from the question posed. The question does not provide enough context.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

JustHer said:


> Two questions:
> 
> 1. How important is it for a man to feel valued in his job by the people he works for/with?
> 
> 2. If a man has had several jobs in the past say 20 years and has rarely felt valued, why would that be?


1. Generally, very important. Although terms are subject to change. Anyone in sales can tell you that. Celebrate when you are the hammer, recognize that eventually you are going to be the nail.

2. Few things. He doesn't like or feel fulfilled by what he's doing. He's got a victim or inferiority mindset, or he's just not very invested in, or good at what he does.

Very simple statement that I find to be overwhelmingly true for most things in life.

Success breeds success.

Once you get a taste of it, you usually want more, which makes you work or try harder to be better at what you do.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

It's an interesting question especially in today's corporate environment. I have an innate desire to feel valued at work, but have come to realize that the people or organizations that value me must at least have a modest amount of integrity. I don't find it rewarding to be valued by people without character or basic morals. Unfortunately, integrity is becoming increasingly harder to find in the work place. More often then not just doing your job efficiently is not rewarded. In order to progress in your career you have to devote at least 50% of your effort to managing the perception of you to upper management. "Manage Up" is what its called and it makes me want to hurl. You don't have to actually have any depth or contribute to the bottom line. You just need to project the image of a person who has depth and contributes. Yes shallowness wins again. 

I have felt valued when I was working on physical projects that I knew impacted the bottom line of my company. In these cases I had the ability to make important decisions that had a direct impact on my success. In other words, I was the master of my destiny and if I failed it would only be my fault. Those are the terms I live for now, but it's getting hard to find working for other people. It takes seriously refined soft skills and the ability to multitask to navigate today's corporate world. I think many men are finding it difficult or unnatural. Perhaps this is the reason women why have begun to dominate the corporate landscape.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Thanks for your responses, it gives me something to think about.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

My 2 cents:



JustHer said:


> Two questions:
> 
> 1. How important is it for a man to feel valued in his job by the people he works for/with?
> 
> 2. If a man has had several jobs in the past say 20 years and has rarely felt valued, why would that be?


1. I certainly feel better about myself when my job is going well and my boss says I am doing a good job. I need to feel that I am part of making my employer better. If they just want me to be a mindless button pusher then I have a tough time finding value there professionally. 

2. I also feel that if someone is unhappy it is their fault. If someone isn't happy in their job or career it is their responsibility to change. An employer is about maximizing profits, not managing someone's career for them. The unhappy person needs to go find another job that does match their goals or quit complaining. 

That said, I am speaking only of my professional value. What I do is not who I am, it's just how I put bread on the table. I work to enjoy life, not finding enjoyment in work.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *JustHer said*: 1. *How important is it for a man to feel valued in his job by the people he works for/with?*


 I asked my husband this question....he answered ... "pretty important, because you want people to respect you"... he adds..."you have to work with them every day, you don't want them to think you're an a$$hole"



> *Enginerd said*:* I don't find it rewarding to be valued by people without character or basic morals. Unfortunately, integrity is becoming increasingly harder to find in the work place. More often then not just doing your job efficiently is not rewarded.*


 My husband agrees with this...

He is just a *Blue Collar Worker*...and maybe it is different over what a *White Collar man* has to deal with day in & day out....as when you work with your hands... it is evident who is pulling their weight & who is a goof off slacker...slowing the production down.

He is the type that doesn't make any fuss, doesn't cause any waves/ drama, you can talk to him about damn near anything, he's pleasant, always willing to help/give a hand -although if he thinks someone is an A-hole/ doesn't like them... he will avoid them as much as humanly possible...though this can't always be done, unfortunately so you bite your tongue a lot. 

He does his best to do a thorough job one can trust...because he feels that is what he is there for....he needs his job (he supports our larger family)... so he is not going to goof off.. this is all he can offer...

When you walk uprightly long enough, generally you will earn a decent reputation....even though my husband is on the quieter side/ not the life of the party type......he's earned the respect of most everyone he's worked with over the yrs....even some of the worst characters....he told me once he took this co-worker home (younger yrs Grocery store Job)... and the guy was saying how he wanted to take an ax to his last boss, something crazy like that... I asked him how long that character lasted at his store...NOT VERY....he was fired shortly afterwards. 

So his motto is.. just do the best you can do...IF There are people of *integrity *working with you....they will NOTICE..*because they notice things like that*......if there is not....Do your work anyway.. try to get along despite the sh**... and hopefully your work ethic be speak for itself... 

My husband's Boss (they should do a sitcom on the man, he's had to go to Anger management twice. .some of the stories he comes home with, oh my!...ticks him right off & all of them...one co worker will not even look at him .. yet some of it is darn funny too- it is so ridiculous).....but this same Boss has told him he is his favorite...giving him the "heads up" to watch out for this or that..as he wouldn't want anything to happen to him.. not getting caught by the bigger Bosses/etc ...cause many of these co-workers take a snooze during the day, taking it too easy... my husband doesn't do this...ever...he values his job too much.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

No right answer!! My wife always longs for acceptance and feeling valued. She wants to make a impact, her presence felt, not just in work, but in life. She is very awesome!!

I'm much more of a intellectual and read non fiction endlessly. So, I know what I know and generally feel people are stupid in my daily interactions with them. I really do believe the average person is a idiot..........so bad I know  As long as I keep getting paid I'm happy.

I could be cleaning toilets as long as I made 150k/yr I'm good


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

OhGeesh said:


> I could be cleaning toilets as long as I made *150k/yr I'm good*


Sometimes I swear we must be the poorest people on this forum ~ when others mention their income.. We are no where close to 6 figures...Our family lives on about $55,000 a year..and can I say....we are so very thankful for the Job he has....when he got hired there , it was like the breakthrough we needed for our family.....we never miss any bills...we still take family vacations... it's been very good...

But we don't live in a big city , it's a lower cost area to raise a family.. this surely helps.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MrAvg said:


> *Just? he is good at what he does, that in itself defines him as successful. Tradesmen are the back bone of industry and as valuable as any white collar worker*.


Appreciate that Mr Avg... We are pretty "average"... 

As a SAHMom , I sometimes feel "lessor" in comparison to the independent working woman...and just like OhGeesh's post -sounds he makes the BIG bucks.... so as husband is a *Blue Collar worker*...it just seems so small in comparison....(hence my last post) ....like we belong in another category... we don't live a 1st class lifestyle by any means ...though we never really cared to either...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

It's nice to get recognition once in a while, but I find it's more important that I value and respect myself. I know if I'm giving my best effort and I know when I'm not.
In the military, I used to get medals, promotions, lauditory evaluations, etc, all the time. I got out and joined the PD. I could raise the dead and turn water into wine and the boss wouldn't notice. My customers (the public) does notice. The judges and district attorneys notice. Bosses come and go. I do my best to help them succeed, but ultimately, it's more important that I believe I'm a good worker, that I'm a good father, that I believe I'm a good neighbor, a good husband, that I'm the kind of person I can be proud of. My own personal standards are higher than anything someone else is going to judge me with. 
If I've worked 20 jobs and felt devalued in each, the problem is with me. Wherever your husband has worked, he had a boss. That boss wanted to look good to whoever pays his/her salary. The only trick to getting on a boss' good side is to make him/her look good and keep off their drama radar screen. Bosses who think they don't like you just have to be won over. Even butts aren't idiots. If something is in their self-interest, they generally like it. I've made sure that my performance made me an asset and that if someone thought differently about me, they just had to be shown that they were wrong.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Enginerd said:


> It's an interesting question especially in today's corporate environment. I have an innate desire to feel valued at work, but have come to realize that the people or organizations that value me must at least have a modest amount of integrity. I don't find it rewarding to be valued by people without character or basic morals. Unfortunately, integrity is becoming increasingly harder to find in the work place. More often then not just doing your job efficiently is not rewarded. In order to progress in your career you have to devote at least 50% of your effort to managing the perception of you to upper management. "Manage Up" is what its called and it makes me want to hurl. You don't have to actually have any depth or contribute to the bottom line. You just need to project the image of a person who has depth and contributes. Yes shallowness wins again.
> 
> I have felt valued when I was working on physical projects that I knew impacted the bottom line of my company. In these cases I had the ability to make important decisions that had a direct impact on my success. In other words, I was the master of my destiny and if I failed it would only be my fault. Those are the terms I live for now, but it's getting hard to find working for other people. It takes seriously refined soft skills and the ability to multitask to navigate today's corporate world. I think many men are finding it difficult or unnatural. Perhaps this is the reason women why have begun to dominate the corporate landscape.


Very good post. I share these observations. Only thing is what you call "managing up" I would call "kissing up" -- I think that's what you mean. And yes skillful kissing up can get some people ahead...then everyone else suffers from their lousy leadership thereafter. "Managing up" I think of as having much more positive connotations -- more like speaking truth to power.....loyal opposition to bad management above you. Sometimes this is appreciated....sometimes


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

SimplyAmorous said:


> *Sometimes I swear we must be the poorest people on this forum* ~ when others mention their income.. We are no where close to 6 figures...Our family lives on about $55,000 a year..and can I say....we are so very thankful for the Job he has....when he got hired there , it was like the breakthrough we needed for our family.....we never miss any bills...we still take family vacations... it's been very good...
> 
> But we don't live in a big city , it's a lower cost area to raise a family.. this surely helps.


Aw....SA... you and me both!

But we both know a great man is NOT defined by the number of zeros on his paycheck!

:toast:

It's the man himself that matters!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

JustHer said:


> Two questions:
> 
> 1. How important is it for a man to feel valued in his job by the people he works for/with?
> 
> 2. If a man has had several jobs in the past say 20 years and has rarely felt valued, why would that be?


1. For my husband, it's quite important.

2. Either something's wrong with the job, or something's wrong with them. Or maybe a blend of the two?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *MrAvg said:* *DW and I are very blessed and choose to live below our means. Success to me is based more on how well you do what ever you do*.





waiwera said:


> *Aw....SA... you and me both!
> 
> But we both know a great man is NOT defined by the number of zeros on his paycheck!
> 
> ...


Enjoyed reading your posts MrAvg and Waiwera  ...you know I think like you both...


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Sometimes I swear we must be the poorest people on this forum ~ when others mention their income.. We are no where close to 6 figures...Our family lives on about $55,000 a year..and can I say....we are so very thankful for the Job he has....when he got hired there , it was like the breakthrough we needed for our family.....we never miss any bills...we still take family vacations... it's been very good...
> 
> But we don't live in a big city , it's a lower cost area to raise a family.. this surely helps.


As mentioned it's not what you make it's what you do with it. 

I have more respect for families with no debt and smaller income then higher-income families with tons of debt.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Money can't make people happier or better than anyone else. A family can be wealthy with $55K or it can be poor, miserable, and sorry on twenty times that salary. The difference is between the ears. I guess I've always been in the poor or struggling middle class but I've never felt poor or second-best. 
My parents couldn't afford to give me expensive things but they gave me a strong work-ethic and the ability to value relationships above things. Over the years, I've watched a lot of people die. Never heard one of them say they wish they had bought more stuff. In the end, you will have your family and friends and that is all. Wars happen, disasters happen, the economy rises and falls. All your stuff can be gone tomorrow. Your character and the character of your kids is all that endures and all that truly matters.
Two hundred years from now, nobody will know or care about the stuff you owned. Your character lessons will still be around, being taught to your descendants.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> *Two hundred years from now, nobody will know or care about the stuff you owned. Your character lessons will still be around, being taught to your descendants*.


Your words here...had to comment...Yrs ago, I saw this saying (below) on a portrait hanging in a christian book store....I didn't want to spend that much $$ for it, beautiful but pricey....but I loved that saying... I wrote it down...

So I had the husband drill holes in a larger picture frame...I added these 's ...and a happy goofing off family pic of myself taking our 2 sons on a horsey back ride...all big smiles.. that has hung in our living room ever since.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My wife was a public school teacher but she was unable to have kids of her own. When she gets depressed, I remind her how she has influenced the lives of hundreds and no one can predict what great fruit will be harvested from the seeds she planted. All the people we consider "great" were made that way by parents or teachers.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

waiwera said:


> Aw....SA... you and me both!
> 
> But we both know a great man is NOT defined by the number of zeros on his paycheck!
> 
> ...


Perhaps not, but there's another quality really, based on the value system of a city's inhabitants. E.g. Neither STBXW and I have ever been materialistic. We lived in a cheaper western suburb, we both drove middle class cars, we didn't spend much on luxuries (well, she did until I went off at her enough), put the majority of our spares funds into savings for our daughter and lived a comfortable, unglamorous financially free lifestyle towards the end despite the success of my business.

BUT, that's not enough for many women here it seems. Correct term for me would be = STINGE -.-
Their dream man lives in the eastern beachside suburbs, with a BMW, Mercedes etc, spends thousands upon thousands on them, and everyone else are stepping stones until they meet their Mr Rich... *ahem* Mr Right  Of course most won't admit it however
In the end though come to think of it, it doesn't even seem like the women here care about wealth or financial stability let alone financial freedom... but... STATUS!


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Money can't make people happier or better than anyone else. A family can be wealthy with $55K or it can be poor, miserable, and sorry on twenty times that salary. The difference is between the ears. I guess I've always been in the poor or struggling middle class but I've never felt poor or second-best.
> My parents couldn't afford to give me expensive things but they gave me a strong work-ethic and the ability to value relationships above things. Over the years, I've watched a lot of people die. Never heard one of them say they wish they had bought more stuff. In the end, you will have your family and friends and that is all. Wars happen, disasters happen, the economy rises and falls. All your stuff can be gone tomorrow. Your character and the character of your kids is all that endures and all that truly matters.
> Two hundred years from now, nobody will know or care about the stuff you owned. Your character lessons will still be around, being taught to your descendants.


I disagree a ton with this!!

I've lived poor robbing Peter to pay Paul and have lived comfortably. Trust me comfortably is 1000000000x better 

When you can take vacations, don't worry about bills, kno retirement is funded, have cash, life is so much better.

I'm sure there is a cap to this happiness, but I know for a fact someone like me would even be happier with more money. The the things I save for, sacrfice to get, all cost money!! 

I love life now............a extra 100k/yr I would love it more. I think people play the $$$ doesn't make you happy say that just to make theselves feel better.

Of course you can be filthy rich and miserable, but if you grounded already $$$ just helps imo.


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