# Sex After 10 Years - What is your "PROCESS"??



## nicholascanada (Aug 10, 2012)

We are both 40 with no kids. I have a high sex drive, y wife does not. She has initiated sex twice in 10 years. I have discussed many times with her it would be nice for her to initiate just once in awhile, that has done nothing for her to make the effort.

Anyway, now after 10 years our sex life has become me always asking. We recently had a good discussion about how to make things less scheduled. Right now it is usually me saying hey want to head to bed later tonight/afternoon.

Just wondering and curious how others deal with the sex process. Do you always cuddle on the couch or something and then it leads to something? Is that the norm? Does one person usually say hey lets head to bed? Are you both always in the mood? Just very interested to hear others comments for comparison.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

We start first thing in the morning ... "Good morning Hottie!" and it goes from there... nice chat over coffee, nice or nice/sexy texts during the day, happy to greet each other when we get home, etc....

We are 50 & 55, been together 6 years. Sex every nite.... all good!

*I think our "process" is continuous flirting! It's working!


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## nicholascanada (Aug 10, 2012)

wifeofhusband said:


> "Let's go to bed" or being asked doesn't really do anything for me. Much better if he starts by rubbing my feet, offering a massage or letting cuddle time evolve to more.
> 
> Looking at one of your other posts, I'd suggest that your wife is more likely to feel responsive if she feels supported by you.


I believe I very much do support her. She thanks me all the time for that. I just am confused at this point regarding making our sex life better.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

You can't expect her to just want to have sex with you after you've been hanging out around the house.

You seriously need another guy to tell you this?

You need to get her in the mood, and once she begins to respond, you THEN start moving things upstairs or wherever the bed happens to be.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I think asking for sex is really weak and degrading.

And scheduling it exceedingly unexciting.

No kids? My goodness why on earth are you scheduling sex for the evening? Just do it in the kitchen, massage after a meal, when out for a walk, when home from work, while watching tv etc. etc. etc.


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## nicholascanada (Aug 10, 2012)

AFEH said:


> I think asking for sex is really weak and degrading.
> 
> And scheduling it exceedingly unexciting.
> 
> No kids? My goodness why on earth are you scheduling sex for the evening? Just do it in the kitchen, massage after a meal, when out for a walk, when home from work, while watching tv etc. etc. etc.


We've gone that route. Nothing worked. So we discussed and decided to either schedule or ensure we have time. Its not easy when one person has zero sex drive.


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## nicholascanada (Aug 10, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> You can't expect her to just want to have sex with you after you've been hanging out around the house.
> 
> You seriously need another guy to tell you this?
> 
> You need to get her in the mood, and once she begins to respond, you THEN start moving things upstairs or wherever the bed happens to be.


She doesnt respond. Thats the problem. And no i didnt need you to tell me that.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I'm in my 40's and we also have no children. We have been married for quite a while.
Sex was never a problem because the desire for sex is always there.
The solution is to continuously create the desire in her.
Take control and set the pace.
Get into her mind.
Find out why she doesn't desire sex with you and work from there.
If there are obstacles in other areas of the marriage,then work on it together.
Doing stuff around the house to get sex is not going to work.
But a little seduction goes a long way.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I've known my wife for 7 yrs now and our passion is still strong

BTW, Caribbean Man has an excellent view of sex in marriage and personally I reckon everyone should listen to folks like him lol

When it comes to sex, his marriage works, my marriage works, and we have the same philosophy - LOVE THE GAME OF LOVE!


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## nicholascanada (Aug 10, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I've known my wife for 7 yrs now and our passion is still strong
> 
> BTW, Caribbean Man has an excellent view of sex in marriage and personally I reckon everyone should listen to folks like him lol
> 
> When it comes to sex, his marriage works, my marriage works, and we have the same philosophy - LOVE THE GAME OF LOVE!


Yes it is hard though when one has no sex drive and no desire ever. Kind of at a loss what to do now.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Seek a sex therapist. You've got nothing to lose.... it's worth a shot!


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