# Help me!



## Sagidiva35 (Mar 25, 2013)

Hi,
I just need some advice a how to handle this situation.
I am a 35 yr old woman who has been married for 12 yrs.
We've had our ups and downs, but lately it's getting harder to deal.
Details- I met my husband through my sister in law, I live in a two island country and I am from one island and my husband is from the other. I had moved to his island for work and we met at his mom's house where i was staying.

We got together and his mom and his sister were not pleased. We overcame that and got married. We had moved back to my island as i had a better job offer there. We lived a pretty normal married life,the usual ups and downs.I miscarried once and we have been trying ever since.
Now my MIL has been a difficult woman from the get go, but I tried to be the good DIL and be respectful etc. About 3 yrs ago, we decided (at my behest) to move back to his island, due to financial issues as well as business opportunities as my hubby is self employed.
Thankfully we were there when my MIL had a heart attack and if not for my intervention, she would be dead. Since then my husband has been taking care of her, which is a difficult job , that her FIVE other kids don't do.
This woman is manipulative and controlling, I'm the only DIL she has that deals with her at all! Now it seems she has set her sites to destroy my marriage.
We live at her house, with the intention of building our own not too far away. Three yrs ago, I moved out to assist my mom with my sister who has MS and two kids. So I am there most of the time as they have to go to school etc. 
Now, this was supposed to be temporary but has gone on longer than we planned. my husband still stays with his mom as she uses her illness conveniently and behaves like she can't help herself. She recently assisted him in buying a car, note i said assisted, however she tells ppl that it's her car, and basically behaves as though he is HER husband. I have tried to be understanding, I know he needs to help her, but I feel like I'm not his first priority. if he comes over to where I am, he stays for a while, then has to leave because he has to see about her meds etc, this is a woman who supposed to be ill, but shops everyday, never keeps quiet, but u cannot take your correct meds unless my husband is there???
i have told him how i feel, there has been arguments over the vehicle, who sits where, if she is travelling with us i have to sit at the back. My hubby is a really laid back guy, but i'm losing patience, I;ve told him i feel like I'm not his main priority anymore. I understand that he has to help out, but i need him too Any advice?:scratchhead:


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Can you ask her doctors what her level of care should be? Does she need to have in home nursing visits? If so then get a nurse. If not then he needs to tell her that the doctors are saying this and them be a husband and spend time with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Oh you poor thing! What a difficult situation! Would it be possible for you two to take a vacation together? Ideally, just somewhere far enough so that neither your family nor MIL can interrupt? can you get his siblings to step up, by planning in advance and having them available for the week or so you two are away?


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## Sagidiva35 (Mar 25, 2013)

She is fine, she has outpatient care which he takes her to, I just want my husband back. I've even shown him how his brothers make sure that their wives are first. She uses her illness conveniently. I know he worries about losing her, but he does everything and more and she is NEVER grateful, never says thanks...It just hurts me to see him expending all this energy on what she needs and then if anything goes wrong he gets blamed.


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## sniperghostXD (Apr 2, 2013)

A typical Monster-In-Law.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

Vacation time! I think some IC might also help. There is also a book called "Boundaries" that helped me cope with my ex monster-in-law. It's pretty Godly in context, but gave me the strength to find the words I needed to safely establish my boundaries.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

I can relate to MIL issues. Mine is a manipulative, controlling hypocritical and critical b!tch! I am married 22 years next month. 

Very early in the marriage I told my husband if I was not his 1st priority, his #1, it would be my deal breaker. I promised I would walk if he allowed her to interfere in our lives. 

He is a very laid back guy like your husband. I was important enough to him for him to decide to respect my wishes where his mother is concerned. 

He NEVER put his mother before me. You have to decide if this is your deal breaker. If it is put it on the table. 

Good Luck!


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## Sagidiva35 (Mar 25, 2013)

Thanks for all the advice and support.. things have been a little bit better. I spoke to him about how I felt and he is making an effort.


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## relationshipsguide_gal (Apr 6, 2013)

Aww  I'm sad for you dear.. I can understand your MIL a little bit because your husband is all she's got, the other siblings just don't care. But at least she should be willing to share him with you, you're the wife! She should be thankful too.. Any way, I'm glad your husband is making an effort. I just think he is too kind and should learn to say no to his mom (or anyone trying to own him). xoxo - mae


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