# should I go further



## stairway (Nov 18, 2015)

Hello everyone and thank you for your attention.

This is about a situation that has developed lately. I am a male in his 30s and I have been seeing a woman lately and more or less we are on to a good start. And of course there is a but, otherwise I wouldn't be posting on a forum.

I am seriously bothered by her tattoos. Its not that she has put anything weird on her skin, mostly is stuff about her family and god (she's keen on religion, I'm not) but the number of them simply bothers me, and for what is worse she hasn't in mind to stop she keeps adding new ones. I did have a half serious talk with her about them, what happens when you get old, or the supply of skin runs out , the standard talk and she told me that she'd rather regret having done them than regret not having done so.

Looks like my two options are either to make her chose or to just leave hoping its going to be easy given that we haven't been together long. I seriously believe if I get started on the topic "look you have to choose" is going to be a very bitter argument and I'm not sure I'm up for it.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

You are not compatible, don't bring up a "choosing" discussion, just let her go.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

You're the one who has to choose, not her. I agree with Red Sonja; you're not compatible.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

If tatoos bother you so much, why did you even start with her?


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

If you continue on with this relationship, you are saying you are accepting of this person...tattoos and all. If you can't keep this commitment then just end it now. I have recently dealt with "you choose a tattoo over me" issue. Not fun. Not pretty.


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## stairway (Nov 18, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> If tatoos bother you so much, why did you even start with her?


Most of them are covered so I wasn't able to see them right away. She didn't warn me.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

That would be a dealbreaker for me.


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## stairway (Nov 18, 2015)

CatJayBird said:


> If you continue on with this relationship, you are saying you are accepting of this person...tattoos and all. If you can't keep this commitment then just end it now. I have recently dealt with "you choose a tattoo over me" issue. Not fun. Not pretty.


I have the same gut feeling. Just going to make matters worse.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Stairway,

Don't think I could live with anything more than very small tattoos, they tend to ruin the symmetry of a body and the natural beauty, it's rare that I've seen a tattoo which wasn't subtractive.

Tamat


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Leave.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Voluntary disfigurement.

A fashion statement, said statement being ... "I don't have a f*cking clue."


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Stairway said*: the number of them simply bothers me, and for what is worse she hasn't in mind to stop she keeps adding new ones. I did have a half serious talk with her about them, what happens when you get old, or the supply of skin runs out , the standard talk and she told me that she'd rather regret having done them than regret not having done so.


It is a deal breaker for some men. My husband is turned off by tattoos (also fake boobs & piercings on the face, stomach, etc)... it just is what it is..... you need to walk away.. 

We have a neighbor , she is a good friend...she loves her tattoos.. it's like a part of her...and how she expresses herself...we've talked about it... she married a man who has them too.. they WORK.. they are compatible..

Me.. I'd never want one.. so I'm compatible with a man who doesn't like them.

If you seek to change her.. its going to cause problems...you can't grasp / understand her depth on this, their importance, significance... as you have a very different world view...

It's better to walk away.. she will only be offended and resent you.. if you try to stay together... she won't feel wholly accepted, knowing how you feel..


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> It's better to walk away.. she will only be offended and resent you.. if you try to stay together... *she won't feel wholly accepted, knowing how you feel*..


This. I wish my H would have been completely honest about this issue before we got married. It would have saved a lot of hurt feelings and resentment.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

If you can't accept her for who she is, you need to walk away. That is something for you decide, not her and most definitely not a bunch of random people on some internet forum.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

syhoybenden said:


> Voluntary disfigurement.
> 
> 
> 
> A fashion statement, said statement being ... "I don't have a f*cking clue."



If you think anything like this, walk away. She can live without this type of attitude and you can find a woman with no tats and no clue.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> Its not that she has put anything weird on her skin, mostly is stuff about her family and god (she's keen on religion, I'm not) but the number of them simply bothers me, and for what is worse she hasn't in mind to stop she keeps adding new ones.


You're not compatible on tattoos, nor on religion, which is a HUGE incompatibility. I don't see this relationship as sustainable - neither of those things will go away.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, your values and standards of beauty are worlds apart. I suggest you leave asap. I agree with posters here that you should find a woman who is compatible to you and without tattoos.

Next time you date a woman, ask if she likes tattoos and if she has them. If they have a tattoo, most likely they add many more. I see many younger people, mainly my students do this. I had one student who married and has tattoos on her back shoulders. She had a beautiful traditional and off the shoulder bridal gown in her wedding pictures. She appeared like Jackie Kennedy meets the Hood. The groom did not have any tattoos; these two most likely are going to clash sometime in their marriage life. Appearance tells about individuals without knowing them, especially the messages in tattoos.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I don't like tattoos on anyone, men or women (sorry if I offend anyone). I equally dislike piercings. Heck, I don't even like my own pierced ears (got them when I was a teenager) and rarely wear earrings. I wish the holes would close, but that ship sailed long ago.

I agree with others that it's probably best to end it now. She can't "undo" what's already been done (well, technically she could, but doesn't sound like she ever would) and you will likely never be able to accept them, let alone new ones.

Will it hurt to end it? Sure, but it will hurt a lot less now than a few years down the road. She is not the one for you.


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## xosherryrenee (Oct 24, 2015)

Leave. It's incredibly rude imo to ask her to stop doing what she wants with her body because you don't like it. She obviously enjoys her tattoos and its not up to you to tell her to stop getting them. Plus, the ones she does have are already there and unless you planned to make her get them lasered off they always will be there. That would just cause problems later on I'm sure. Not good for anyone involved


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

stairway said:


> I am seriously bothered by her tattoos. Its not that she has put anything weird on her skin, mostly is stuff about her family and god (she's keen on religion, I'm not) but the number of them simply bothers me, and for what is worse she hasn't in mind to stop she keeps adding new ones.


What religion is that? I'm not aware of a major one that approves of tattoos, but maybe I'm just ignorant in this matter...


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

stairway,

She already has tattoos and you don't like them. They are not going to go away. Even laser just lightens many, depending on the color. Laser is expensive and painful, so even if she ever wanted to get rid of them someday, it is unlikely she would.

She likes them and wants more.

You will have to look at her for the rest of your life, and they will continue to bother you. Marriage is hard enough without starting out with a huge issue. You two should go your own ways.

(My H and I don't like them either. We think it is disfigurement at worst, and turning the body into a billboard at least.)


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