# Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife"...



## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

*Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife"...*

...was so new and exciting! And so WEIRD?? But felt so good!? (Especially since Fiance(e) sounded so annoying and pretentious...)

Calling my STBXH "my ex-husband" or "their father" is so weird and new, not so much exciting. 

I've been trying to ease those terms into my vocabulary, but not sure if I really have to wait until the divorce is actually final to say it. 

Anyone here going to change their names? I've been thinking about it, but worry it'd confuse the heck out of my kids.

Amazing how none of us ever thought we'd be divorcees.


----------



## ES780 (May 4, 2012)

*Re: Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife".*

Hate the ex, their father terms! I use his name in all circumstances I can.


----------



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

*Re: Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife".*

Even though I'm not divorced yet, I've been referring to her as my ex, or ex wife....just so I can start to get used to it. I never thought I'd have to though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife".*



Wildflower3 said:


> ...was so new and exciting! And so WEIRD?? But felt so good!? (Especially since Fiance(e) sounded so annoying and pretentious...)
> 
> Calling my STBXH "my ex-husband" or "their father" is so weird and new, not so much exciting.
> 
> ...


I truly think that we all go into marriage with blinders on, no matter whether we've been married before or not. I think we are somewhat delusional during that stage of our relationships, because nothing could ever convince me that anything negative would ever happen within the course of that loving relationship.

And yes, it often pains me to have those flashbacks of when we, as newlyweds, so lovingly referred to each other as Mr. X & Mrs. X.

Although the divorce is imminent, I occasionally refer to her as my wife, but have fastly adopted the TAM lingo of calling her either my "STBXW," or just my "future ex-wife."


----------



## Kearson (Jan 18, 2012)

*Re: Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife".*



Wildflower3 said:


> ...was so new and exciting! And so WEIRD?? But felt so good!? (Especially since Fiance(e) sounded so annoying and pretentious...)
> 
> Calling my STBXH "my ex-husband" or "their father" is so weird and new, not so much exciting.
> 
> ...


Yes, I remember all too well how awesome it felt when STBXH referred to me as his wife. Then I realized that once we married, he stopped using my name unless he was mad at me. It was nice at first to feel like I 'belonged' with someone, until I realized that once he had me, he didn't want me anymore 

If I'm being honest, I have to admit that I have to stop myself from calling him my ex-husband when I talk about him. Most people don't know we are divorcing, and it won't be for a while, so I can't call him that yet, but I WANT to SOOOOOOOO badly. That's how done I am.

I don't intend to change my name back. I hated my maiden name, and I want to have the same name as my son. STBXH and I haven't discussed this yet, but I'm hoping he doesn't raise a stink about it.

I didn't go into it thinking we'd get divorced, but I knew we had an almost impossible road ahead of us. Turns out it was more impossible than I thought.


----------



## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

*Re: Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife".*



Wildflower3 said:


> ...was so new and exciting! And so WEIRD?? But felt so good!? (Especially since Fiance(e) sounded so annoying and pretentious...)
> 
> Calling my STBXH "my ex-husband" or "their father" is so weird and new, not so much exciting.
> 
> ...


I am having such a hard time with it!!! I’m divorcing him and I still call him my husband, a couple of friends/co-workers have said he's not your Husband anymore and I’m like yes he is until the divorce goes through. He's been my Husband for 35 years; technically he still is so I’m really struggling with when you say he's not. Legally he still is.... and as for the name.. I’ve had his name loner then I had my maiden name. I have two sons with his last name and a grandson. I’ll be darned if I let him take that connection away from me along with everything else he has taken from me over the years.


----------



## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

*Re: Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife".*

I've given a bunch of thought to the name change as well; decided I'm not going to name change because my kids are still in elementary school. I just don't want to deal with that hassle at this point.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

*Re: Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife".*



doureallycare2 said:


> I am having such a hard time with it!!! I’m divorcing him and I still call him my husband, a couple of friends/co-workers have said he's not your Husband anymore and I’m like yes he is until the divorce goes through. He's been my Husband for 35 years; technically he still is so I’m really struggling with when you say he's not. Legally he still is.... and as for the name.. I’ve had his name loner then I had my maiden name. I have two sons with his last name and a grandson. I’ll be darned if I let him take that connection away from me along with everything else he has taken from me over the years.


I don't call my STBXH anything. Not his name. Not "husband." Nothing. I don't refer to him at all (except as "him"). But I'm going to, in the very near future, call him my ex-husband. And smile when I say it.

I'll be counterpoint on the name change (smiling). After 45 years, I want my birth name back. In fact, I can't wait to have it. It will be different from what my son and grandchildren have, yes, but I feel I deserve to totally be "me" again.


----------



## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

*Re: Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife".*

I call her simply 'Soon to Be'.

It's not offensive to her, neither does it sound as 'aggressive' as Soon to Be Ex Wife, or Ex Wife.

I guess once the D is final, I'll call her my ex wife S**** (being her name)


----------



## Yankeegirl (Jun 3, 2013)

*Re: Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife".*

I had the discussion about keeping my last name because I too, dislike my maiden name it's such a hassle to change everything, but he agreed that I could keep it without him getting his panties in a bunch over it. I call him by his first name and still refer to him as my husband even though our divorce will be finalized next month, thanks God! By the way this is my first post as I'm new here, I have a crapload of stories to share, I think I'm going to like it here


----------



## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

*Re: Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife".*

I would love to tell you all what I call my STBX but I don't want to get banned this week 

Honestly, though, in situations where if have to refer to her, I call her the kids mom. Or, if kids aren't involved I'll just call her by her name.


----------



## lostwithouthim (Apr 15, 2013)

*Re: Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife".*

Your posts on here have made me laugh  I love the names that you're calling your stbx's, especially the unrepeatable ones or "him!" If you want to change your name, apparently it's best to do it during the D as it won't be any extra charge to do this. This was on an American site, I don't know if the same laws apply over here in the UK.
I was going to change back to my maiden name, but now I've read your posts I'm having a rethink. My son would be quite upset about this and it would get complicated changing over all my bank statements etc. 
The only reason I'd like my name changed back to my maiden name is that once a year we have a big family reunion. As you can imagine, a lot of the family have the same surname and I sometimes feel left out because I've a different surname, lol. It'll be so cool to belong to the gang! lol.


----------

