# Soft Swap/Inviting another into our bedroom?



## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

Hoping to hear from some couples who have what they consider to be a good $ex life/happy marriage on this - that have successfuly implemented bringing another woman into their bedroom for temporary/physical purposes only.

My thoughts are it would best be a 'stranger' not a friend - and best done out of town with little/no communication between husband and the girl.

It was my idea, and he knows I'm physically attracted to some girls.  Obviously rules would have to be established and we've done our online research about dabbling in the lifestyle and have very open communication - so I'm looking more for a 'plan' of implementation or Do's/Don'ts from others that have been there already.

A penny for your thoughts.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Go to Savage Love and read the archives for some good advice -- this is not the kind of question that will get a productive response here.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I would agree. Wrong site to ask this question. Monogamy seems to rule the roost here.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Yep, most of us here feel that threesomes can only end in disaster, jealousy, and hurt feelings, and you cannot repair the damage once it has been done.

You have to be able to separate sex from deep feelings of love to do this. Are both you and your husband capable of this?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

There was a poster here who did this - a female.

I believe if you search on Mom6547 (her moniker), you can find some of what she wrote about it.


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Go to Savage Love and read the archives for some good advice -- this is not the kind of question that will get a productive response here.










bandit.45 said:


> I would agree. Wrong site to ask this question. Monogamy seems to rule the roost here.



Okay thank you for your honest input. Is savage love another forum?






lovesherman said:


> Yep, most of us here feel that threesomes can only end in disaster, jealousy, and hurt feelings, and you cannot repair the damage once it has been done.
> 
> You have to be able to separate sex from deep feelings of love to do this. Are both you and your husband capable of this?


I was just thinking foreplay for him, Not for him to actually do full on intercourse with another woman. However, we are both very open-minded when it comes to things like this. Mostly it would be for me and him to enjoy watching. Thank you guys for your honest opinions, I will take this elsewhere. Mods, please feel free to delete this thread. Thank you.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Since you asked the question ... my thoughts may not be worth a penny, but nope. And I mean that with a capital N-O-P-E.

Marriage brings with it enough problems when two people have to compromise, put their partner first, and work hard to keep the spark alive. TWO PEOPLE. I think adding another "ingredient" to the plate complicates matters far beyond what is necessary.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Savage Love is not a blog of political dogma unless you are a homophobe. It's a sex advice column.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Here is a link to the archives -- no idea how you search by topic.
Seattle Columns - Savage Love - Dan Savage - The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Savage Love is not a blog of political dogma unless you are a homophobe. It's a sex advice column.


Yeah, clicked the wrong link.

Got it now..thanks!!


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

Prodigal said:


> Since you asked the question ... my thoughts may not be worth a penny, but nope. And I mean that with a capital N-O-P-E.
> 
> Marriage brings with it enough problems when two people have to compromise, put their partner first, and work hard to keep the spark alive. TWO PEOPLE. I think adding another "ingredient" to the plate complicates matters far beyond what is necessary.


Yes, thank you I see your point. I was thinking this would be something we would do once in a blue moon, on vacation maybe, with somebody we did not know. I am certainly not looking to have him have any type of relationship with another woman, I have him creating new friendships. I appreciate your response.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

Cherie said:


> Yes, thank you I see your point. I was thinking this would be something we would do once in a blue moon, on vacation maybe, with somebody we did not know. I am certainly not looking to have him have any type of relationship with another woman, I have him creating new friendships. I appreciate your response.


'Once in a Blue Moon' literally means once every two-and-a-half years. I would recommend that you be more specific and have clear rules around such things when you discuss this with your husband. My 2 cents..

I don't know what makes you give this liberty (or incentive?) to your husband in a committed marriage, but I just feel it is very easy to ignite fire, however it can be extremely difficult to contain it. Anyhow, Goodluck on your endeavour.


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

eowyn said:


> 'Once in a Blue Moon' literally means once every two-and-a-half years. I would recommend that you be more specific and have clear rules around such things when you discuss this with your husband. My 2 cents..
> 
> I don't know what makes you give this liberty (or incentive?) to your husband in a committed marriage, but I just feel it is very easy to ignite fire, however it can be extremely difficult to contain it. Anyhow, Goodluck on your endeavour.


Thank you for your input.


lamaga said:


> Here is a link to the archives -- no idea how you search by topic.
> Seattle Columns - Savage Love - Dan Savage - The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper


Thanks Lamaga.


Conrad said:


> There was a poster here who did this - a female.
> 
> I believe if you search on Mom6547 (her moniker), you can find some of what she wrote about it.


Thanks, I'll check it out.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Savage Love is not a blog of political dogma unless you are a homophobe. It's a sex advice column.


It's a lifesyle blog by a man who doesn't believe in monogamy and goes out of his way to sell the idea of having sex with anyone and everyone. 

Most of his followers are 20 somethings in strings of short term meaningless relationships who keep wondering why the people they meet are all selfish and cheaters. Well duh!


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## JuliaP (Mar 21, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> It's a lifesyle blog by a man who doesn't believe in monogamy and goes out of his way to sell the idea of having sex with anyone and everyone.
> 
> Most of his followers are 20 somethings in strings of short term meaningless relationships who keep wondering why the people they meet are all selfish and cheaters. Well duh!


False, False, False- FALSE :lol:

I listen to Dans Podcast, savage love every week. IT's amazing. I have been reading his column for 10 years +.

Dan encourages many different forms of HEALTHY WILLING ADULT relationships. Some are monogamous some are not.

And he regularly encourages people NOT to have sex with everyone and anyone. He says it always. "Don't ***** yourself"


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

JuliaP said:


> False, False, False- FALSE :lol:
> 
> I listen to Dans Podcast, savage love every week. IT's amazing. I have been reading his column for 10 years +.
> 
> ...



It's painfully obvious that this Hedonistic lurch doesn't seem to exhibit any signs of having a spiritual, Christian, or a family side to him! And he obviously relishes leading like-minded, unconsciable individuals down his primrose path!


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