# Premenopause



## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

Hello all,

This is my fist post. I have been lurking for a while, and I really like the advice I have been reading on TAM, so I thought why not post a question that has been on my mind.

I am 41 and my wife is 44. We have been married for 21 years (first marriage for both). Sex has generally been good in our marriage. Some periods better than others (lately it has been great, but I don't think it's related to premenopause), but it has been regular and neither of us has any major complaints in that regard. 

Lately, I have been seeing some changes in the wife that makes me think she is going through premenopause. I was wondering if couples would be willing to share their experience going through this phase in life. I am interested in knowing how it impacted your relationship, your sex life, and any advice you may have. 

Comments are welcome from both women and men.

Thank you,
Blue


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm assuming you're not talking about the range of symptoms in general but how those symptom might impact your relationship and or sex life?

Sex drive could go up, way way up, or down, way way down.

Ability to orgasm could skyrocket, or it could become impossible.

Hot flashes during sex really affect the comfort level with being touched. Don't hug, don't touch, just wave your hands really fast around her neck.

Vaginal dryness makes have a good supply of good lube on hand always (I highly recommend pure, unprocessed coconut oil. Comes in a jar and is a solid like crisco. But it has a very low melting point 77deg.) You should get used to using it now if you haven't already.

You really won't know until it starts happening how perimenopause will effect your wife.

But good for you for starting now.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

weird mental ****. like saying stuff that makes utterly no sense at all. 

sex will change too. Like first "ouch, that hurts, i don't like that (even though she LOVED it a year ago", but then denial "i don't need all that lubricant, i dont like it..." when she was whining that a single finger inside was horribly painful just the other day.

Stuff like that!

If you are lucky, her sex drive will skyrocket for a few years! Do all the ****ing you can if so.

If you are unlucky, her sex drive will drop, and you will have to get pretty creative to keep any sort of sex life alive. i.e. your HD wife suddenly is abducted by aliens, and they replace her with a LD doppleganger.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

badsanta said:


> While this post does not effect me (yet), I'll admit this topic interests me as I wonder what I have in store for the years after the kids have moved out.
> 
> In the few other places I have seen this topic come up there is often discussion of the challenge of understanding what levels of what hormones to take, if any. From what I remember reading it was if everyone is different in how their bodies will react to taking replacement hormones and wishing they had a better understanding of what the natural levels were prior to menopause.


Santa,
Is this hormone testing something that should be done now... while in premenopause?


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> I'm assuming you're not talking about the range of symptoms in general but how those symptom might impact your relationship and or sex life?
> 
> Sex drive could go up, way way up, or down, way way down.
> 
> ...


Anon,

We already have some coconut oil. Just got some about a month ago, and it's the only lube we tried that actually feels good. We don't use it every time, just the times she doesn't get as wet as we are used to.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

murphy5 said:


> weird mental ****. like saying stuff that makes utterly no sense at all.
> 
> sex will change too. Like first "ouch, that hurts, i don't like that (even though she LOVED it a year ago", but then denial "i don't need all that lubricant, i dont like it..." when she was whining that a single finger inside was horribly painful just the other day.
> 
> ...


Murphy,
That's what I'm afraid of.. That I have to get it while the getting is good. And it's good right now. 

Do the hormones keep it good? I know there are risks, and I defiantly don't want to put my wife at an undue risk.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Been peri for a couple of years and no changes to note in the sex dept. I am very HD but am with a man that I love to pieces so it is all good.

No mood swings, a tiny bit teary, no hot flushes of note, no need for lube. Only real symptom is lack of periods yay.

I would not get too caught up with all this, every woman is different, just wait to see what happens.


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

I am 46, have been perimenopausal for a couple of years.

The hormone testing and hormone replacement which seems to be routine and an accepted right for women elsewhere is not done here in Scotland. It is expected that women will go through the menopause, very likely stop having sex, and that is a part of life which you just have to accept and get on with it, so it's not an option for me.

I have had a slight drop in sex drive but nothing major. I am aware that I am no longer driven by my hormones which I would imagine were previously biologically trying to get me to get pregnant. Now my sex drive is more a mental/emotional drive, it is a need to bond and be close to my husband and it is an important part of keeping a marriage strong. However, I am aware that if I wasn't married to my husband I may well no longer be particularly bothered about sex at all any more.

I have problems with natural lubrication and use a lubricant called YesYesYes which is all natural, and I'm doing fine with just that at the moment.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

RedRose14 said:


> I am 46, have been perimenopausal for a couple of years.
> 
> *The hormone testing and hormone replacement which seems to be routine and an accepted right for women elsewhere is not done here in Scotland. *It is expected that women will go through the menopause, very likely stop having sex, and that is a part of life which you just have to accept and get on with it, so it's not an option for me.
> 
> ...


Same in Aussie, it is more likely that women will just go with it, get on with it. Having said that I did go through a phase of taking anti histamines as I am more prone to itchy skin and scalp. Drs here don't tend to push for hormone testing/ replacement IME and I think that is a good thing.

Personally I don't believe sex drive is purely about the desire to have children and have not seen any change to my level of desire.


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

Going through it now for about 6 months. 
-Sex drive sky rocketed,
-desire to give and recieve oral (still trying to figure that one out)
-periods less often, lasts sometimes only 2 days and sometimes 6 days 
-Less emotional - when younger I would suffer from PMS for about 5 days before I got my period til 2 days into it, I would cry & get mad alot.
-Not sleeping as soundly now, wake a few times a night always awake when alarm goes off in morning (going to start making use of that time hmmm)
- I am not having issues with hot flashes or dryness.

I would love it if it stays this way!! (so would hubby)


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WhySoBlue said:


> Murphy,
> That's what I'm afraid of.. That I have to get it while the getting is good. And it's good right now.
> 
> Do the hormones keep it good? I know there are risks, and I defiantly don't want to put my wife at an undue risk.


As you can see by the women who have responded so far, every woman experiences perimenopause very differently. Hormone replacement therapy is generally only used for women who experience very intrusive symptoms during perimenopause and after full menopause. 

Your wife and her doctor will decide whether or not HRT is appropriate for her. Don't worry so much.

In terms of her sex drive being impacted, I'm afraid there isn't a whole lot you can do about that. However, establishing a more adventuresome attitude about sex and a very open communication habit right now, will absolutely be something upon which you can build for when/if hormones cause a shift.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Holland said:


> Been peri for a couple of years and no changes to note in the sex dept. I am very HD but am with a man that I love to pieces so it is all good.
> 
> *No mood swings, a tiny bit teary, no hot flushes of note, no need for lube. Only real symptom is lack of periods yay.*
> 
> I would not get too caught up with all this, every woman is different, just wait to see what happens.


Some girls have all the luck! Hot flashes, night sweats, periods AND pimples! At least I still don't have any gray hair....that doesn't get shaved off every other day.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

i think it is a universal medical profession response that "your hormone tests show the normal levels for your age". in other words, "your hormones have flatlined around zero, but what do you expect honey, you are old!"

it does not matter what country u are in. In USA THAT is the standard response too. You actually have to, by word of mouth, find a physician who believes in HRT AND cares about you still having sex beyond 58 years old. There is no reason a woman can not have fullfilling kinky sex at 80 years old! Dont believe all this B.S.


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

The thing is Murphy there are risks as well as benefits with HRT and possibly the risks outweigh the benefits, such as the increase in breast cancer, which is why physicians are reluctant to prescribe it. Here in Scotland the thinking is that HRT increases the risk of breast cancer and so it is best avoided except in exceptional circumstances. Medical opinion differs and is constantly changing so who knows what's best.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

RedRose14 said:


> The thing is Murphy there are risks as well as benefits with HRT and possibly the risks outweigh the benefits, such as the increase in breast cancer, which is why physicians are reluctant to prescribe it. Here in Scotland the thinking is that HRT increases the risk of breast cancer and so it is best avoided except in exceptional circumstances. Medical opinion differs and is constantly changing so who knows what's best.


It is a tricky balancing act. Bone loss probably or breast cancer maybe?

HRT can be an excellent assit with aging. But if you go that route you can't skip ANY routine appointments and you have to know what symptoms to report soon, or immediately. Some women sail through with HRT and others don't.

But I think it's wrong to withhold a potential treatment if the patient herself reports her quality of life is so affected that TO HER it's worth the risk.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Some girls have all the luck! Hot flashes, night sweats, periods AND pimples! At least I still don't have any gray hair....that doesn't get shaved off every other day.


Well I just started to colour my hair a month ago, got sick of seeing the new greys come through. I've gone a brilliant red colour which I'm loving.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

That's so sweet badsanta!


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

None of the drugs, creams are proven to help. The drug companies are just profiting off of sexually dysfunctional women. That is why counties with national health system won't pay for something that doesn't work. The market is worth billions. Everybody is trying to invent the next viagra for women. 

Get or stay adventurous is your best option.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

49 years old

I think about sex all the time

More frequent periods with sinus headaches (?):scratchhead:

No hot flashes, no sleeplessness, no mood swings.

I've always been an exercise/vitamin junky; if that makes any difference.


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