# Is it possible to have a marriage with no trust?



## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

I know it seems like a dumb question, with the obvious answer being No. But can you stay together and be happy knowing you can never trust your spouse? I mean accepting the cheating and learning to deal with it?

I guess that is what I have been doing for years but I can't seem to leave him and I don't want to. But he cheats and I keep taking it with various demands and he still does it. My threats of divorce have never gone through and he is still home and even though he swears he won't do it again, I'm not sure if he even means what he says when he says it. 

Can I maintain any self respect from him by dealing with this?


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Nope. 

Why would you want to learn to "accept" cheating?? No one should be treated with that much disrespect, especially in a marriage!


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Live by truth, do not accept lies, illusions, fantasies, deception as a fair trade for living false happiness because that is not love, that is the opposite of love. Real love does not hide, fear, shame, deceive or have limits.

You deserve love and not a beautiful silk gold laced amazing veil covering corruption, lies, hate, and disgusting infidelity.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

asia said:


> I know it seems like a dumb question, with the obvious answer being No. But can you stay together and be happy knowing you can never trust your spouse? I mean accepting the cheating and learning to deal with it?
> 
> I guess that is what I have been doing for years but I can't seem to leave him and I don't want to. But he cheats and I keep taking it with various demands and he still does it. My threats of divorce have never gone through and he is still home and even though he swears he won't do it again, I'm not sure if he even means what he says when he says it.
> 
> Can I maintain any self respect from him by dealing with this?


Maintaining self respect and allowing your spouse to cheat is a contradiction.

Tell him you love him, you wish him the best, but you wish to seek for yourself a love, like the love you show for him, in return with someone else who will offer that love, without asking, faithfully, and of course lovingly.

Give yourself some alone time to think on what you need to tell him, to tell him you are done tolerating cheating. Do not negotiate with cheaters.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

asia said:


> I know it seems like a dumb question, with the obvious answer being No. But can you stay together and be happy knowing you can never trust your spouse? I couldn't be happy if I couldn't trust my husband. Trust is a cornerstone of a relationship. I mean accepting the cheating and learning to deal with it? I refuse to put up with cheating, and have left a relationship - 1 confirmed cheating, and 1 where I suspected cheating but there were other problems as well.
> 
> I guess that is what I have been doing for years but I can't seem to leave him and I don't want to. Then you do not value yourself. But he cheats and I keep taking it with various demands and he still does it. My threats of divorce have never gone through and he is still home and even though he swears he won't do it again, I'm not sure if he even means what he says when he says it. If you won't follow through on your threats then it's pointless to make them. he continues to cheat because he doesn't have consequences.
> 
> Can I maintain any self respect from him by dealing with this? No, you have no self respect. And it is obvious he has no respect for you. If you want to save this marriage and gain your self respect you need to be prepared to lose it. Read about and implement the 180. You are responsible for your happiness, you need to love your self more than you love him. Why allow yourself to be treated this way? I suggest you meet with an individual counselor to learn why his behavior is okay with you.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

Everytime I think I am living in forgiveness, I figure out I'm not. I am going to get some more counsel on biblical forgiveness because that is the only way I am going to make it. I am waiting on a Godly change in my husband. He can't do it alone. It is just I get sick every time his phone rings or I see someone who reminds me of the OW.

His family encourages our relationship and know I am the best person for him. My family is just supportive of what I decide (translation, they do not like him more and more each day. But they do their best to speak highly of him to me and do not disrespect him.) 

I think with forgiveness and understanding this just may be who he is, I can deal with the no trust issue better.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Is he still cheating on you?


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

You do understand that there are A LOT of single guys that are DREAMING of having a woman as true as you?


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

asia said:


> Can I maintain any self respect *from* him by dealing with this?


You maintain your own self respect. 

No, he does not respect you. You need to respect yourself.

Your divorce threats have not worked because they are empty and he is calling your bluff.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

The-Deceived said:


> Is he still cheating on you?


No, at least not with the OW he told me about. I don't think he is with anyone else. He is doing all the right things.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

He knows he has you trapped - that you are too afraid to leave. So he is abusing you. What an *******. Dude deserves a asswhooping.


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## Yessongs72 (Dec 6, 2012)

Personally i think trust is one of the most important things. To me - No Trust = No Relationship. Its that simple. I also know there is a massive gulf between recognizing this in a marriage and actually being able to end it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

asia said:


> No, at least not with the OW he told me about. I don't think he is with anyone else. He is doing all the right things.


But you know he's going to just do it again next time the urge strikes.

I am appalled that anyone would even consider living this way. I suggest psychiatric intervention. Forget 'biblical forgiveness' if that means to stay with this guy!! Seriously!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

No


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

You might have put up with his chaeting till date.But let me tell you if you have a child,then she is going to grow with trust issues and with no self -esteem.Stop being selfish and leave that POS-for name sake -husband of yours.

I have followed you in all your threads and know your life story.I know how it is to grow to see you mother staying with your father,going about doing everything but not trusting him.Rather than this I would have prefered parents who were honest with self respect and rather separated than being together if there was no trust.

Asia ,any rudeness in my post is not intended towards you.But I really feel that you should not put up with this **** .Wake up before its too late.When you grow old and see you children following your pattern i,e either accepting cheating or becoming a cheat(because the father is one),how would you like it.Can you just give one thing to your children,the way to live a dignified life with faith in oneself.

They say doing injustice and taking injustice is equal. You may not realize now but your child might entertain vicious ways of living seeing you.


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## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

asia said:


> I know it seems like a dumb question, with the obvious answer being No. But can you stay together and be happy knowing you can never trust your spouse? I mean accepting the cheating and learning to deal with it?
> 
> I guess that is what I have been doing for years but I can't seem to leave him and I don't want to. But he cheats and I keep taking it with various demands and he still does it. My threats of divorce have never gone through and he is still home and even though he swears he won't do it again, I'm not sure if he even means what he says when he says it.
> 
> Can I maintain any self respect from him by dealing with this?


can't do that with a swifty eyed coworker, let alone with a spouse.
if there's anything i learn from my (maybe)failed marriage, there should be love, trust and respect in order to survive a happy & healthy marriage.
without trust, how could i respect my husband? yes i can respect a boss, but i might not trust my boss. can't do that with someone i live with, can I? must i sleep with one eye open?

love initiates one to confide her/his most vulnerable parts to someone else (and expect something pretty much the same in return), and in order to do this, there must be trust.knowing the weakest spots of each other and work to protect each other is IMO, the real essence of marriage: the bond between two perfect strangers who agreed to want one unifying, completing life. but if there's no trust to give or to earn, i think there's no need to move on further.
just my 2cents


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I got that marriage...not trust. All you have is a sex partner. Without trust there is no real emotional bond.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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