# Married for the wrong reason. Now what?



## ozwald76 (Oct 24, 2017)

Hello,

I'm new to this forum. So glad I found this site because lately, I've been an emotional mess. 

I got married over a year ago with a girl I was dating for about year. Why did I marry so soon? Well, she ended up getting pregnant and the pressure was on. She pressed it more than me at the time. I was super hesitant but felt it was the "right" thing to do. 

So we get married. Had the baby boy who I love immensely. Fatherhood has been great. He's been an utter joy in my life. However, the marriage hasn't been so good. 

As time passes, I'm realizing her and I are completely opposite. I'm self driven, enjoy my independence, passionate about adventure, travel, love to workout, etc. She's not like that at all. Super introverted, doesn't care to do much outside of being in bed all the time, and doesn't have a hobby/passion outside of work. She's a great lady with awesome qualities but lately i just haven't been feeling it...at all.

The sex life is gone. Feels like a chore. And our conversations are lackluster. She's expressed that the relationship doesn't feel the same either. But, now, we have a son together and I don't know what to do!???

He's only 10 months old. I will always be there for him. I just don't know if I want to stick around this relationship anymore. I'm afraid. Not about what people will think but about the situation with my son. 

She's a school teacher and her mother is currently staying with us from out of town to take care of my son and stepdaughter. Finding a baby sitter or taking him to the daycare would be our only solutions. That idea sounds so scary. 

Sorry guys. I just don't know what to do. If you've been in a similar situation, I would appreciate your input.

Thank you!!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

My advice would be to seek marriage counseling and give it about 6 months. If you can't regain your love and lust for her, then do the right thing for both of you, amicably divorce, and co-parent from separate but happy homes. 

I, too, married due to an unplanned pregnancy. I then became pregnant during the marriage, also unplanned. Two forms of birth control failed me. By the time the kids were 6 and 1, I couldn't do it anymore and left. So, yeah, I've been there.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I was raised by parents who weren't in love. I don't recommend it. I know you want to do what is best for you child, but staying in a loveless marriage my not be the best thing.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I would try everything you can to make the marriage better. You have a responsibility to your child to do that. Try some long term marriage counselling for a year or so. Go on marriage courses. Read books about marriage. The fact that you are different in many ways needn't be an issue, many couples are very different but it works. 
Make a decision to treat her with love and respect, accept her as she is, love sometimes needs to be a decision.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ozwald76 said:


> .
> 
> She's not like that at all. Super introverted, doesn't care to do much outside of being in bed all the time, and doesn't have a hobby/passion outside of work. She's a great lady with awesome qualities but lately i just haven't been feeling it...at all.
> 
> The sex life is gone. Feels like a chore. And our conversations are lackluster. She's expressed that the relationship doesn't feel the same either.


That sounds more like depression than introversion or being a garden variety homebody. 

She may even have some post partum depression which can be very problematic and in extreme instances even deadly. 

I would recommend having her thoroughly evaluated for depression or any kind of post partum issues before doing anything else.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

ozwald76 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I'm new to this forum. So glad I found this site because lately, I've been an emotional mess.
> 
> ...


While you are out enjoying your Independence, passionate adventure, travelling and working out, who is caring for your child who isn't even a year old yet ( and the household)??


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

she a school teacher! She sleeps all the time? Where did the step daughter come from? 

I get the picture! she works all day... comes home to two needy kids... has housework to do... has to prepare for the next ay's school lesson and you say she sleeps all the time?

Put on your grown up pants and pitch in with the laundry, the dishes, the kids. Let's see how energetic you are after you do that 2 hours every night. I bet sex won't have as high a priority! 

You knocked her up! Now own up! Grow up!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

The best thing here is your both recognize there is an issue. Now to resolve it. It takes two. I recommend counseling.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

leon2100 said:


> she a school teacher! She sleeps all the time? *Where did the step daughter come from*?


Well, you see, when a man and a woman...



> I get the picture! she works all day... comes home to two needy kids... has housework to do... has to prepare for the next ay's school lesson and you say she sleeps all the time?
> 
> Put on your grown up pants and pitch in with the laundry, the dishes, the kids. Let's see how energetic you are after you do that 2 hours every night. I bet sex won't have as high a priority!
> 
> You knocked her up! Now own up! Grow up!


As to the rest of this, and what Livvie said above...that's really kind of just making up a bunch of stuff to fit a so far non existent narrative of the selfish husband, overworked unappreciated super mom.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

"enjoy my independence, passionate about adventure, travel, love to workout, etc." Sounds like an EXISTENT narrative to me

I stand by my post...I've seen an heard guys like this before!


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## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> That sounds more like depression than introversion or being a garden variety homebody.
> 
> She may even have some post partum depression which can be very problematic and in extreme instances even deadly.
> 
> I would recommend having her thoroughly evaluated for depression or any kind of post partum issues before doing anything else.





Diana7 said:


> I would try everything you can to make the marriage better. You have a responsibility to your child to do that. Try some long term marriage counselling for a year or so. Go on marriage courses. Read books about marriage. The fact that you are different in many ways needn't be an issue, many couples are very different but it works.
> Make a decision to treat her with love and respect, accept her as she is, love sometimes needs to be a decision.


This and this.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

Exactly!!!


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