# Did your ex refuse to return your stuff?



## Zhus (11 mo ago)

Hi everyone,

So when I moved out of our rented apartment and went back to stay with my parents, I left behind quite a few of my belongings with my husband. At that time there was no intention to separate or proceed with a divorce. I just needed some space to figure out our relationship and focus on my mental and physical well-being. My husband had encouraged that idea because he said he needed some space from me too.
But later as things continued to deteriorate between us and he filed for divorce, I asked for my stuff back. I was in another city at that time and my parents received it through courier on my behalf. When I returned I noticed that quite a few of the stuff was missing. It is impossible that he wouldn't remember what was mine and where it was because he made sure to send back the clothes that I had kept in a box for donation. I can ask for all that stuff back but a part of me says that it will be very petty to do so.

I wanted to ask is it normal for an abusive partner to steal your stuff?


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Yes...they use it as leverage to hurt you. Make. A list of things that are missing that u want back. Have a lawyer send it in a certified letter.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Zhus said:


> I can ask for all that stuff back but a part of me says that it will be very petty to do so.


Yeah, it depends what it's worth, but it might be wiser to disengage and forget all about it. 
The worst thing you can do with an abusive ex is to keep the "fight" going and try to "win".


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I was in an abusive relationship and the main reason for him to hang on to your stuff, is so you feel tempted to contact him. Then, he can ignore your calls, texts, etc...to make you feel worse. Or he may reply, acting like you can't get over him.  I was in a long-ish relationship with an abusive guy, and that's exactly what he did. I realized that I could keep feeding his ego, or I could set myself free. I wasn't dealing with someone rational. So, I just went completely no contact and blocked him _everywhere_.

Having said that, if you left something expensive there, like jewelry, or anything of high value - you can hire a lawyer, and they will contact him - and you can get your stuff back that way. But, if it's easily replaceable, just let it go.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Where are you in the divorce process? Do you have a list of items that are clearly yours? Your best course of action is to speak to an attorney and get a court order for your property. He is not responsible for you, you are, so do what you need to in order to get it back, even if you need the police to accompany you in order to keep the peace.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Yes it's normal. Getting an attorney and a court order is probably a waste of money unless they're extremely valuable.

Even then he'll probably say you never claimed them and he disposed of them.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Depends on what it is. If it’s of minimal value, you’re most likely out of luck since he can say you took it with you. And it’s his word against yours. If it’s something expensive, you can include it in property distribution part of divorce. But again, he can be a jerk and say he doesn’t have it and the burden of proof is on you to
prove it.

One of the many reasons you never leave the martial house hastily.

My ex moved out, but I made a point to pack up the stuff she left behind and drop it off at her house. Life is too short to be a jerk to someone you once loved, regardless of what happened.


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## Zhus (11 mo ago)

Thank you everyone for your replies. I decided to let it go. Its all replaceable and not worth my time or peace.


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