# Performance Issues



## MrMarriedman (Mar 4, 2009)

My wife of 7 years and I have been having some marriage problems for the last 6 months. She admitted to be that she 'lost the passion' for me and that she no longer had and desire to be with me. It all started back in March when I discovered she was having an EA with a guy she was working with. She ended this relationship and moved on to another job shortly after I discovered what was going on. We both started seeing councilors and we both decided to take sex out of the marriage four 6 months. Since then our relationship has gotten a lot stronger and things are getting better. 

Well this past weekend we had sex for the first time and let's just say my performance was less then stellar. Firstly, I was surprised when she turned to me after she had an orgasm and said 'do you want to have sex?' I wasn't really expecting this and it showed in my performance. I've had a lot of time to think about this and I am starting to see that we are not intimate and haven't been for a long time. She does not like talking about sex and will not 'guide' me during foreplay so that I can learn how to please her (and I am very eager to learn). She sighs a lot and usually ends up ‘finishing’ her self off with out me. I think at the beginning of our relationship it really didn't matter that I didn’t know how to please her because there was a lot of lust and energy between us so bringing her to an orgasm was easy. Now that we have two kids under 4 and a lot less time and energy it is way more difficult.

What advice do you have for me? How can I get her to open up? I really want to become a better lover and I want to learn how to please her so that her desire for me will strengthen.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

It's very hard without her help. Every woman's body and likes/dislikes is so different, you need some help with some things. 

The best thing to do is figure out what she's doing when she's "finishing herself" to see what she likes, and then see if you can work that into your routine in any way.


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