# Separated for 9 months



## alaryl

I will try to make this short. My husband and I separated 9 months ago... And we're strongly considering getting back together. We've been through so much in these past several months and i'm scared and don't know if i can forgive everything that has happened during this time apart. I left him because i was tired of being talked down to, i was tired of feeling alone and i was tired of waking up everyday wondering what type of mood he'd be in. Then we separated and things got worse... His anger, our fights, WORSE! he moved in with another woman weeks after moving out, he would bail on picking up our two children when he was suppose to... he went through several relationships and then found someone who i thought was really good for him, he picked up the kids when he said he would, and they were so happy, and i was happy for him and our children. they was finally able to spend time with their dad again without him being in a crappy mood. Well I also found another guy back in August, and we took things very slow... He's everything i've ever wanted in a man... understanding, patient, great with the kids... But just recently the woman my husband was seeing moved out and back home with her parents because of some issues. I was there for him during that time, listened to him when he needed someone... Throughout this entire time i have always seen him in my future. I don't know if it's because we're still married or not... I have been completely honest in my new relationship and have recently decided i needed to take a break from it to figure things out... My husband is willing to work things out, but i don't know if i can forgive him, and if he can forgive me... I have something great with this new guy, i just don't see myself with him in the future, and that scares me.... Any advice would be great... sorry about the crappy punctuation, i'm up, not able to sleep much tonight.. Too much on my mind...


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## PBear

No offense, but you two really need to consider what you're doing to your kids. How many people have you both dragged in and out of their lives in the last 9 months?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alaryl

I've only been in a relationship with one other person. He was with a few but only brought one other woman around them. I would never do anything to hurt or confuse my kids..


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## LongWalk

How old are you?

Your children?

Is your husband a dysfunctional person? Does he have addiction issues?

Do you have good sexual chemistry?

Why is your boyfriend not future material?

Does your husband talk sense when you discuss your relationship?

He moved in with OW weeks after separation. That was fast. Cheating?

If you get together again, you need transparency.


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## alaryl

I'm 26. My kids are 2 and 4. 
We were both young when we got married and had kids, he was in the military. He's not dysfunctional but he does have PTSD and anger problems. 
We have great sexual chemistry, however we don't have contact like that right now. I have made it clear that i will not kiss or touch him until things are figured out, i don't want our kids to see that and be confused. He was making sense of our relationship, saying that he would do whatever it takes to get me back. But just last night he said he was confused and didn't know if it was a good idea anymore. He moved on VERY quick after separation but from my understanding he never cheated... Of course i've always had that in the back of my mind...
The new boyfriend is great. He lives 4 hours away so we only get to see each other twice a month.. He did something that was weird (i thought), he seen that i still had some of my husbands shirts and took them without me knowing. That upset me... He's always been very clingy. If i take too long to respond to a text or something he gets a little impatient. Little things like that


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## alaryl

I just want to know i'm i being an idiot for even considering getting back with my husband? We're still married, he's the father of my kids and i don't want to regret all of this years down the road. I have never in my life been around a successful marriage... I just want to be able to tell my kids that i did do everything in my power to make it work with their father when they ask about us. :/


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## tulsy

Sounds extremely dysfunctional. 

I think you're wasting your time with your ex...and I bet there are tons of skeletons in his closet. You really want to drag your kids through that again?

If things are good between you and your ex right now, keep it that way...friendly. Move forward in your life, don't keep looking back...oh, it could have been, blah blah,...well, no it couldn't and it wasn't.

Has even considered anger management? If not for you and what was your marriage, how about for his kids? NO, he's been living on the tip of his d1ck for the last 9 months, and you both think nostalgia could be the link to your rekindled love affair.

How about the guy shows you how much he has grow up over the next few years, and meanwhile, you guys continue with the divorce and attempt to keep things amicable. So far, the only thing that change was he lost his most recent bed-partner, and now he's lonely.

Don't get nostalgic.


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## Whatthe??

I don't think you're being an idiot for considering reconciliation. There would however need to be transparency and I think both you and husband would need IC and MC before moving in together. I also recommend looking outside the box, go stay at an Ashram for a month (separately) learn how to be open and live life outside your heads. Don't rush and don't give up. My wife and I are currently working things out and the best thing we've done is work on ourselves and let the relationship sit, we are finding ourselves moving closer all the time and in the end if things don't work out we have moved to a place where we are stronger and better for it, able to move forward in peace. for me the best option is always to have the marriage work and families stay together, don't think for a minute I think you should be in a miserable marriage for the sake of the kids (won't work) but if you guys have a chance at turning it around and having a mutually fulfilling marriage then you should give it every shot.


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## LongWalk

New boyfriend's shirt stealing is not good.

You don't have to settle for either
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Adeline

you don't even have to make a decision either way (get back together or get divorced) in order to go to marriage counseling! Doing counseling together can help you see if you two would be able to reconcile and make it work, while still living separately. If you both want to give your marriage a chance, I say get in counseling together ASAP.


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