# What do I do the pain is unbearable?



## Broken 29 (Jan 24, 2010)

My H left me on boxing day, we had not been getting on. He sat on laptop most evenings not talking and I accoused him of talking other women etc. He left saying I drove him away and that he was still angry, I said some horrible things over the months and having sitting and thinking about it i was a total cow and if it was me I would have left. I have asked for a second chance but to no avail! We have been married for 5 years and 4 children between us none of our own.

I have done the most stupid stuff that everyone says I should not do:

Cry over the phone
Beg him to come back
Say I will stop
text him all the time, even though he has asked me not to do this
Rang him at work
Sent him cards


He has only taken his clothes and laptop but I dont know where he is staying and deep down I don't want to know.

When I kept asking him over the weeks if he was coming home he said not at the moment, but last week when I said I need an answer he said as I pushed him in to a decision and he is not coming back!

I am totally devistated!!! I have gone through this for weeks, I have lost a stone in weight and I can't concentrate at work!

Everyone says I am very strong person and I am better than him but I don't feel that way!! I cry at least every hour.

I want him to come home and the pain is unbearable.

Can anyone help, does it get any better and if I want him back what do I do?

He says he still has feelings for me so I hold on to that am I kdding myself, I am not coping very well please help.


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

Broken,

I and many others on here, understand what you're going through, because we have OR are currently going through it ourselves.

I would suggest: 

1) Don't call your husband anymore, but give him space and time. 
2) See a counselor ASAP to help you work through the pain and work on yourself.
3) Be available for the kids and even get them in counseling, if possible. 
3) Time does lesson the pain. I know from experience, after being married 22 years, separated for 19 months and now going through the divorce. 

Remain as active as you can and hang out with friends/family as much as possible. 

It's extremely painful, but you'll get through it.

I wish you the best.


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## Broken 29 (Jan 24, 2010)

Thank you, I am reading through the posts and have been given lots of strength by what I have read so far.

I have been to my doctor and she has was fantastic she has given me lots of support and I am going to have weekly appointments with her to help me get through this.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Broken 29:

"There before the Grace of God Goeth I"

Like the previous poster said, we've all been there. It doesn't sound good - it sounds like your marriage has ended. Of course, you never know and I am too distantly removed to make that judgment. I hope some miracle happens and he comes back and reconciles but that's probably unrealistic and you shouldn't hold out hope for long.

In fact, I would recommend you do what I did - prescribe a "mourning period for the relationship. Although my stb-x didn't value our marriage, I felt it was important enough to me to "mourn it" for the period of a summer (4 months). I didn't date, just mourned it as you are doing.

And after 4 months, I forced myself to try to date again. Got the nerve to ask a woman out - felt like a teenager again. Finally starting to get the hang of this again - chasing women, having them rebuff me or welcome my advances. The rejection isn't nearly as bad as when I was a kid.

I think you need kind of 2 things when you go through this:

1. An emotional support system. It can be 1+ persons - a doctor, therapist, priest, rabbi, minister, aunt, mom, father, brother, friend, etc. By all means seek the medical, professional and emotional support you need.

2. Some sort of "tough love." After you get your support, and you have felt sorry for yourself (as you should - you need to grieve), you need someone to "kick your butt" and get you out of your funk, if you can't do it yourself. It can be a butt kick in any dimension - getting your butt exercising (exercise releives depression proven as effective as Prozac), get your finances in order, get you out meeting people.

The two methods of attack on your problem will help you along. The problem is if you only get #1, (which could also be this forum) there's a tendency to just wallow in depression and devastation and then those people can end up enabling (a good therapist would probably recognize it).

It doesn't sound like he ended it well but he ended it. There is no good way unfortunately. 

Now. . .go grieve some more knowing sooner or later, a loving butt kick will hopefully come your way.

I'm sorry for your loss.


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