# I give and want too much attention



## The invisibleman (Aug 16, 2010)

I have recently found myself very distant from my wife, yet not by my account, its my wifes account.. Im to "needy", I give and want too much "attention" she wants me at home to pay bills, yet she dos not want me around. She has found her new co-workers priority over myself. We have a 5 year old little girl, Im suspose to "watch her" while my wife neglects me and my needs to "work on herself". I am a father, not her baysitter, Id like to see my daughter on my time, not just when she wants to go out and hang. We can nevwer do anything as a family anymore. A few weeks ago we got into a pretty heated argument, I was told my company was not wanted anymore, I was told to "give her space". I did this for two weeks, and four days I was accused for everthing from an affair,drugs,partying. When I came back home (as she had requested) she has been very distant ever since. Allow me to note that when I was accused for being "on drugs" I was offended, for I work the night shift and have a really tough job, I was so fed up hearing this accusation that I submitted my self to home drug tests, I brought them, gave them to her, and told her to use them on me whenever she felt it was an issue. Now she won't use them, she tells me she wants a divorce, she tells her family she's just telling me that to get me to "realize". She is also very depressed, she blames me for this. I treat her so good, I cook, clean, pay bills, everything with out one complaint to her about anything. I read doctor Harleys Concepts, it restored a lot of hope, yet I lack the pateince for her depression is bringing me down as well, I could never cheat on her, she swears she not seeing anyone else. I have to wait for a hug or a kiss when its at her request. She also tells her family she "playing hard to get" I dont have time for games, we have a daughter to raise and bills to pay, I cant take it, how do I remain so patient, SOME ONE PLEASE HELP!!! If im away Im neglegent to my family, If im home Im completely shut out, Im misreble, I can do misereble by my self.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

I have studied this and your other posts, I will help you as I can, which is to tell you the hard truths. What to do with this is for you to decide. 

First things first. GEt into your mind your woman's happiness, which you seem to have hinged your own happiness to far too much as I can see, is just as much for your to assume responsibility for as these other things, the raising your daughter, and the bills to pay.

So this is very much for you to understand, if you are really looking for answers to your scenario and put things on the track of success and happiness, is to instead have very much that attitude to recognize to pay attention to these games as you are saying, or sadly I will say your woman will force you make time instead for the upcoming affairs or divorce court. Take this to the bank.

So if you want to be in the happy and successful and sexual marriage, do not continue to ignore what your woman is communicting to you.

These things many good men maybe know, maybe they have missed, but to know the facts is crucial to discover the way forward.

Here are the facts:

1. A woman is not attracted to a weak man. Instead she will resent such a man.

2. A woman is irrestibly attracted to a strong man, the good man in control of himself and his environment, the dominant man.

3. A woman will not be emotionally connected to a man she is not attracted to.

4. A woman is not attracted to a man she is not respecting.

5. The woman will test her man. In the most perfect marriage on earth that exists, and even in the worst marriage on earth that someone is no doubt in, regardless in either one and in all marriages in between, this is always truth: A woman WILL test her man. Take this to the bank.

These tests, and you can search and discover this in many mediums and cultures and stories and poems and biology books as you have time, is just this, that because a woman is a woman, and she is not a man or a tree or the sky, is that at her feminine core it is her responsibility to prove this even many times over and over never ceasing: The man that does not fight for her, does not have the privelege of being her man. 

Another way is this, a woman will not give herself to a weak man. No matter what logic or reason or nice house or car or helping with the housework or paying bills or being a nice guy or sensitive man or perfect father, sooner will a mighty river be flowing uphill than a woman will give herself to a weak man. 

This is simply feminine. Do not any longer after this very minute be confused or paralyzed or make this a stumbling block or cause you to hate your woman or hate all women because of this fact. This is truth. This simply is what is.

So also are these things facts, even though more particular to your scenario.

When a woman wants space, this is just her way to let her man go more gently with mercy rather than crush him at one time.

You willing to leave your own house, well, yes another test you have not passed in her eyes. 

Your woman going out with other women. Well, if she is going out on the town without you, and you are okay with this even with a household and young daughter at home, this is two things: 

First a test you have not passed, to insist as the good man that his woman is to be with him and his daughter, and not roaming the nightlife (this I don't even know I sould have to mention but no matter if you are needing to see it).

Second, and this is a bitter pill, but do not be naive as to think she is going out with girlfriends. She is looking for another man, an affair man, to light her fire that you have not lit. 

That is if she has not already found this affair man or even for a longer time than you even want to guess (as practically without fail when a woman has desire space it is because someone else has lit her fire, whether physical or emotoinal affair, an affair non the less.)

This attitude that you hve to wait or be lucky to get attention from your woman, this has to stop. INstaed you need to have the attitude that your woman is the luckiest woman on earth to have you as her man, and this needs to be communiated in your actions and behavior so she is FEELING this as a woman. All good men reading this, do not miss this!

Whether to fix a broken marriage, or maintain the healthy marriage, it is much the same. For the good man to stop being a passive follower, and instaed a bold leader in his own desires and happiness, and communicate this to his woman in his actions and behavior. This lights a fire in his woman, kills her insecurities, withers any resentment, and keeps the affair man far away!

This is a start of a process, these facts and a wake up call.

Above all things, take care of yourself, your eating, your exercise, your mental and emotional health, you will need all these things to make this the reality, that you will be happy and successful EITHER WITH OR WITHOUT your woman. To communicate this is the surest shot to repair the emotional disconnect and lack of respect and affairs that dot the landscape of the broken marriage.

Even whether to reconcile with your woman or to cut her loose, the good man that is the leader of himself will do so with integrity and not with bitterness and resentment, so when the time to rekindle the relationship it is from strength and confidence, and not with angst and resentment.

Search over 260 of my own posts for more of this same scenario played out to continue to lay the foundation for repairing your marriage. 

And especially search posts of MEM11363, Turnera, Atholk among others for these truths in more detail and eloquence and finess, as I understand I speak often with the finess of a dump truck hauling gravel.

I am hoping you find help here. Your scenario is far from uncommon and is very fixable, but it requires action and courage. 

I wish you well.



The invisibleman said:


> I have recently found myself very distant from my wife, yet not by my account, its my wifes account.. Im to "needy", I give and want too much "attention" she wants me at home to pay bills, yet she dos not want me around. She has found her new co-workers priority over myself. We have a 5 year old little girl, Im suspose to "watch her" while my wife neglects me and my needs to "work on herself". I am a father, not her baysitter, Id like to see my daughter on my time, not just when she wants to go out and hang. We can nevwer do anything as a family anymore. A few weeks ago we got into a pretty heated argument, I was told my company was not wanted anymore, I was told to "give her space". I did this for two weeks, and four days I was accused for everthing from an affair,drugs,partying. When I came back home (as she had requested) she has been very distant ever since. Allow me to note that when I was accused for being "on drugs" I was offended, for I work the night shift and have a really tough job, I was so fed up hearing this accusation that I submitted my self to home drug tests, I brought them, gave them to her, and told her to use them on me whenever she felt it was an issue. Now she won't use them, she tells me she wants a divorce, she tells her family she's just telling me that to get me to "realize". She is also very depressed, she blames me for this. I treat her so good, I cook, clean, pay bills, everything with out one complaint to her about anything. I read doctor Harleys Concepts, it restored a lot of hope, yet I lack the pateince for her depression is bringing me down as well, I could never cheat on her, she swears she not seeing anyone else. I have to wait for a hug or a kiss when its at her request. She also tells her family she "playing hard to get" I dont have time for games, we have a daughter to raise and bills to pay, I cant take it, how do I remain so patient, SOME ONE PLEASE HELP!!! If im away Im neglegent to my family, If im home Im completely shut out, Im misreble, I can do misereble by my self.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

It doesn't seem to me that you want or give too much attention, it seems that she doesn't want to deal with any attention at all. I expected to read how you hover over her and expect her to fawn over you 24/7 or something like that. You seem to want her to spend time with you and your daughter and to not treat you as a babysitter and housekeeper. Reasonable expectations in my book. Now, naturally, there may be more to the story that you've left out, because of course we all try to make ourselves look totally not guilty when we come here. So maybe there are some ways in which you demand too much attention. 

I would sit down with her and just pretty much explain what you said here. Ask her to tell you some specific examples of how you demand or give too much attention. If she can give you specific examples, then discuss with her a compromise. For example, if she tells you that one way is that you want to sleep curled up around her all night, discuss the possibility of falling asleep curled up together and then separating, or sleeping curled up together every other night. If she can't give you any specific examples, then I would tell her that since she can't do that, you have to assume that this claim is a cover up for another problem and you really need her to be honest with you about her feelings and what's going on. You can't fix something if you don't know it's broken. 

I also think counseling might be a very good idea. And it sounds as though, based on some of the things that she's telling her family, that she might be feeling...I'm not entirely sure how to describe it. I don't want to say taken advantage of...maybe taken for granted? She's telling them she's playing hard to get. It sounds like maybe she feels you guys have fallen into a serious rut and she's trying to bring back some romance and playfulness that perhaps existed when you were dating and she now feels is missing. And if that is the case, you saying you don't have time for that...that's going to cause a serious wedge between you. If she's looking for some romance, you better give it to her, otherwise she might go looking elsewhere. No, it wouldn't be right if she did, but right or wrong...do you really want her to do that?


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## SHARKY (Nov 30, 2010)

I came across this post, I have similiar issue with my wife. This post is full of great information.


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