# Wife alienating the kids...



## JohnChristoper (Jul 19, 2011)

So, I Googled, "Is my wife crazy?" and this site was in the top three hits. We've been talking about divorce for a few weeks now and it is getting pretty ugly. I'm a pretty easy going guy and she would be considered the exact opposite.

I've recently found out that I am the cause of all the problems that have ever happened to her in her life...only half exaggerating.

I have caused all the following problems in her life:

1. Depression
2. Anxiety
3. Stress
...the list goes on and on...

Anyway, we had another blow up tonight, this time in front of our 3 and 7 year old daughters. It got pretty nasty, as it usually does and this is what she said in front of our girls:

1. i'm going to lock your dad out of the house the next time he goes away.
2. your daddy has mental problems. 
3. your dad doesn't want to spend time with you, he's just doing this to get back at me.

...I realize we all say nasty things to each other when we are angry, but this was beyond the pale...in front of our kids? I’ll be the first to admit that I am nowhere near perfect...but I would never say those things in front of our kids. My wife needs help, but she doesn’t trust marriage counselors because according to her they all take ‘my side’...which is her way of saying...I pretty sure we are heading towards divorce, but I want it to be as painless to the kids as possible and amicable (although I think that ship has sailed). 

I’m at my wits end and I need advice. One other thing I should mention...I’m Canadian, she’s American and we live in the U.S. near all her friends and family and over 1,000 miles away from mine. What a bed I made for myself, eh?


----------



## njpca (Jan 22, 2010)

I can only offer the advice that others have given as the most sensible way to approach:

If your wife refuses to go to MC with you and then you should try IC to work on yourself and any problems that may cause distress in the marriage.

Since I don't know exactly what you argue about, I can only assume there is basically a communication breakdown between you two and when you can't communicate properly, it turns into arguments. Again, counseling can help you determine where the problem lies.

If you care about her and your family, you'll make an effort, regardless of whether she wants to participate. From there, you're going to have to figure out if the situation is what you really want but that's where IC can help you.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Welcome to the Society of Spouses of the Clinically Paranoid. We meet every Tuesday at Starbucks on the Alphane Moon.


----------



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

JohnChristoper said:


> So, I Googled, "Is my wife crazy?" and this site was in the top three hits. We've been talking about divorce for a few weeks now and it is getting pretty ugly. I'm a pretty easy going guy and she would be considered the exact opposite.
> 
> I've recently found out that I am the cause of all the problems that have ever happened to her in her life...only half exaggerating.
> 
> ...


I don't think the kids are going to be overly affected by one or two outbursts, I've said worse stuff than that myself. Intense anger can have a bad effect on judgement, like you have said. However, a steady diet of this stuff can have a bad effect on the kids' future success in intimate relationships due to a bad example being demonstrated for how men and women should behave around each other. This is clearly what happened to my unfortunate wife in her family of origin.

I wouldn't be too keen to jump right into divorce with two kids involved. Maybe she can find her own counselor the will be objective in her eyes. After she is comfortable with her counselor, they can invite you to attend


----------



## RunningOnEmpty (Aug 29, 2010)

If you are considering divorce, and your W is advertising the 'I will lock you out of the house', you should seriously be concerned with your wife filing a fake domestic violence against you, get a protection order, and kick you out of the house. And then you getting screwed in your kids custody.

Go to dadsdivorce.com, and take a serious look at "the list".


----------

