# I think Paxil is ruining our marriage



## SeptemberBlue (Sep 14, 2012)

My husband began taking Paxil (40mg) several months ago and I have noticed a marked change in his personality, for the worse. He cannot recognize it and says I am the only reason why we can't get along and says i am the one who needs to see a counselor after asking him if he would go to marriage counseling together to try an work through this. He refuses to go with me and becomes belligerent about it. Normally he is a very low-key, laid back person. 

He has even accused me twice now of cheating on him, which couldn't be farther from the truth. I don't even have any male friends and i work from home, so I rarely even meet new people. I have no idea where he is getting this idea from but he clings to it viciously. He refuses to talk about our relationship, just repeatedly says "i don't care". We have been together for almost 10 years and NEVER has he been like this. He has been avoiding me completely, not talking or even acknowledging I am in the house. He just comes home and locks himself in his office for the night. We can't even sleep in the same bed together anymore. I could go on and one, but you get the picture.

My question is, could it be the Paxil?? He has shut out all his friends and me, just goes to work and then spends the rest of the time on his computer until bedtime. which by the way has been a huge source of stress for him due to an overbearing and demeaning boss. I know he has been unable to confront him on any level for fear of losing his job. I feel like all that frustration comes home with him and he directs it at me. 

I am wondering if i should schedule an appointment with his doctor to talk to her about it in private. If he found out i did this, however, it would send him over the edge i am afraid. He has also mentioned "he hopes he dies soon", and after reading the side effects of suicidal thoughts, naturally i am very worried. I just don't know what to do because he refuses any kind of cooperation. I really feel he needs to see a psychiatrist to talk about his issues in addition to the medication. He is also taking a pill similar to Xanax, although i don't think it is that one, but it is something else for his anxiety disorder. On top of that he will occasionally get drunk to the point of passing out in his bathroom in his own vomit. He is unable to drink casually on any level, instead he drinks to the point of oblivion.

I really need advice because i feel like he is a ticking time bomb. Anyone else have a similar experience with some advice? Please help, don't really know where to turn.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

He needs to see a doctor.

Maybe this will help.

Paxil (Paroxetine Hydrochloride) Drug Information: Description, User Reviews, Drug Side Effects, Interactions - Prescribing Information at RxList


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I've tried many different meds and Paxil was the worst one. And he's making it worse by drinking with it.

I agree he needs to see a doctor but gosh getting any man to a doctor is quite an accomplishment sometimes.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Yes you need to talk to his doctor and hopefully they won't tell him. I would call ASAP since he is having suicidal thoughts. 
Was he taking it for depression or anxiety or both? 
You might even want to call the doctor's exchange this weekend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SeptemberBlue (Sep 14, 2012)

yeah, i think i i am going to have to talk to his doc, who also happens to be my doc as well, so that should make it easier. but i do worry about him finding out, things are so bad in our household, i just can't imagine them any worse, and that would definitely take it up a notch. 

he is such a private person, i believe he will lose his mind if he finds out i was going behind his back in some way. but there seems to be no alternative because you are right, getting a man to the doc is difficult, not to mention one who keeps repeating that I am the one who "should get the psychiatric help i have been needing for so long", although he has never told me this before. i think he is projecting his problems on me so he will not have to take responsibility for them.

he has said some of the most shocking, hateful things to me while we were arguing as if he were trying to think of the one thing that would make me disappear for good so he won't have to deal with this issue, as i am the only issue he has. part of me feels like his efforts are working to just get me to leave him, but i really just want the man i married back and not this angry, uncooperative stranger. 

I am definitely going to call his doc, but i want to have a face to face talk with her because i am sure she sees tons of people and i want to make sure she knows who we are.


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## SeptemberBlue (Sep 14, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Was he taking it for depression or anxiety or both?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


he is taking it for both. he has always been a very introverted person and has been to therapy and taken anti-d's before but that was way before we met. the reason he felt like he needed them again stemmed entirely from his work situation because a boss who treats him like absolute trash. my husband feels like he cannot confront the boss and i think in his mind he feels like the boss has him under his thumb.

he has come home from work so upset that i honestly thought he was going to snap at any moment, he was just completely crazy acting until he calmed down. very uncharacteristic of him in all the time we have known each other.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

OP, Paxil (Seroxat) almost ruined my life, too, but I was fortunate to get off it safely 5 years ago. The following website literally helped save my life:- paxilprogress - Powered by vBulletin

There's lots of good information there, support and tips on weaning off the stuff.

It can be a devil of a drug to get off if you've been on it for a long time, and the weaning schedules doctors used to give (when I started coming off it) simply didn't work. The withdrawal symptoms can be horrendous if one doesn't wean off it properly. It took me 2 years weaning of it slowly, and I managed to do so with manageable w/d symptoms.

Your H needs to talk to his doctor, OP, and that website is a wealth of information about withdrawal techniques.


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## SeptemberBlue (Sep 14, 2012)

oh my gosh, cosmos, thank you so much for that link! i am going to do some reading there now. i really need to understand this drug better, there has go to be something else he can take because i have never witnessed such a change in a person, especially when we thought this was going to *help* him cope with his anxiety. 

i really wish there was some way i could convince him to see a therapist in addition to the drugs because he certainly won't talk to me about anything. he's always been a little on the cold side but now he seems so emotionally detached. 

he was prescribed this drug by a doctor who is a general practitioner and she gave him a year's worth of refills without having to come in for a follow up. something just doesn't seem right about that strategy.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

SeptemberBlue, one of the classic side-effects of this drug is lack of emotion, and I remember walking around in a total emotionless fog whilst on it...

After posting the link to you I went in and read some of my old posts there, and can hardly believe the person I was then! There is light at the end of the tunnel, OP, but how your H tapers off this stuff is vital.

I don't know your H's medical history, but if he can get by without the use of SSRIs and rather use a therapist to help with his problems, he will be a lot healthier and happier in the long term.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I have been on Paxil since 94 and it helped me immensely. Saved my life. 
But it is not the tmright drug for everyone and they usually start at 20 mg. if its not what someone needs it's going to have bad effects.
My husbands dic put him on an antiD for headaches and it changed his personality for the worse. He couldn't see it at all. Finally he started to get dizzy so he stopped taking it and was back to himself in two days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Paxil conked out on me in under 2 years. It just stopped working.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> Paxil conked out on me in under 2 years. It just stopped working.


That's one of the dangers of it. Had you been taking it longer than 2 years you could have ended up with horrendous w/d problems. When it "conks out" like that, it can make people so ill that they have to go cold turkey off it, and that can be extremely dangerous if you've been taking it for a long period of time. Fortunately, I caught it in time and was able to do a slow month by month taper over a period of 2 years.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Yes, talk to his doctor asap.

You have a medical crisis on your hands. He is suicidal on this medication.

It could be a combo of the 2. His work situation is causing him so much anxiety.

Don't take anything personally while he is on these meds. He is a very sick man right now.


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

Xanax and some of the other such type anti anxiety meds like klonopin can cause depression. sounds to me like it is a combination of things causing his problems

SSRI drugs like paxil, Zoloft, lexapro work on one part of the brain. The Doc may put him on Welbutrin which works on a different part

Can he get a different job? I think that is the core of his problem


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

Emerald said:


> Yes, talk to his doctor asap.
> 
> 
> Don't take anything personally while he is on these meds. He is a very sick man right now.


:iagree:


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## ladandrewe (Nov 19, 2012)

I agree he needs to see a doctor but gosh getting any man to a doctor is quite an accomplishment sometimes.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

SeptemberBlue said:


> He has even accused me twice now of cheating on him, which couldn't be farther from the truth. I don't even have any male friends and i work from home, so I rarely even meet new people. I have no idea where he is getting this idea from but he clings to it viciously. He refuses to talk about our relationship, just repeatedly says "i don't care". We have been together for almost 10 years and NEVER has he been like this. He has been avoiding me completely, not talking or even acknowledging I am in the house. *He just comes home and locks himself in his office for the night*. We can't even sleep in the same bed together anymore. I could go on and one, but you get the picture.


Yep, that's Paxil. The problem with Paxil is that it has a terribly short half-life in some people. He might take it in the morning and feel great all day, but it wears off, and he'll start to feel the drug withdrawal in the evening. The withdrawal from serotonin drugs really sucks. One thing I experienced when stopping a certain SSRI drug was similar to something called Capgras Delusion. Friends look the same and sound the same, but they don't feel like friends, and it doesn't feel like I can trust them with anything. You might look and sound like someone he knows, but you're not that person. You're some weirdo who lives in the same house as him.




> My question is, could it be the Paxil?? He has shut out all his friends and me, just goes to work and then spends the rest of the time on his computer until bedtime. which by the way has been a huge source of stress for him due to an overbearing and demeaning boss. I know he has been unable to confront him on any level for fear of losing his job. I feel like all that frustration comes home with him and he directs it at me.


It did that to me too. It's a very soul-draining medication that probably works best in people who are depressed _and_ overstimulated. Giving it to someone who isn't overstimulated or excitable just makes them tired and withdrawn. Sertraline felt like that too, and apparently fluvoxamine is the worst for that. Citalopram and fluoxetine were both energizing when I tried them, so he can always try those. IMO, fluoxetine works a lot better because it's a very long lasting drug; it doesn't have that sharp up and down roller coaster feeling that citalopram had. The highs on citalopram were amazing, but the lows were very low.

I can understand someone wanting to die while on Paxil. Everything feels so difficult. Taking the garbage out feels as difficult as repainting the entire house.


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## SeptemberBlue (Sep 14, 2012)

Emerald said:


> Don't take anything personally while he is on these meds. He is a very sick man right now.


i certainly hope so, because some of the things he has said to me a week ago when i tried to talk to him are still resonating and stinging. Example: him telling me that "i hate myself so much because I am overweight and I obsess about my weight". so i say, in jest, well, if i hate myself so much what has kept me from just blowing my brains out? and said "because you are a coward"….. (What???) .... and then he makes a motion to shoo me away and says "go be fat somewhere else". Not to mention being constantly bombarded with accusations that i am completely psychotic and "maybe now i you can finally get the psychiatric help i have needed for years". He has yet to take any responsibility for anything.

to be honest, examples like this are making me question his sanity and what I am still doing here. the only reason i don't just leave is the fact that he has NEVER spoken to me this way and has always been SO laid back and easy going. someone else mentioned it is his job, i believe that totally. i know he has been looking for a new one, but what he does is so specialized, it is very difficult to find an open position, but i know he is trying. 

I am currently waiting for a call back from the doc's office. i am praying the doctor will really listen and not be afraid to admit that she has prescribed the wrong meeds and not followed up.




ShawnD said:


> Giving it to someone who isn't overstimulated or excitable just makes them tired and withdrawn


this makes perfect sense, he is normally UNexcitable and after taking the meeds for a while he is completely zombified, unless he is accusing me of cheating on him, which i find completely absurd and paranoid!




ShawnD said:


> I can understand someone wanting to die while on Paxil. Everything feels so difficult. Taking the garbage out feels as difficult as repainting the entire house.


yes! he hasn't cleaned his areas of the house in month and I don't touch them because i want him to wake up one day and be disgusted with the mess he's made and is complacent to live in. the bedroom looks like all the dressers exploded the clothes out of them and i doubt the bedsheets have been changed in months. his office looks very much the same…. but i refuse to clean up after him because it feels like i am accepting his behavior in some way.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

SeptemberBlue said:


> i certainly hope so, because some of the things he has said to me a week ago when i tried to talk to him are still resonating and stinging. Example: him telling me that "i hate myself so much because I am overweight and I obsess about my weight". so i say, in jest, well, if i hate myself so much what has kept me from just blowing my brains out? and said "because you are a coward"….. (What???) .... and then he makes a motion to shoo me away and says "go be fat somewhere else". Not to mention being constantly bombarded with accusations that i am completely psychotic and "maybe now i you can finally get the psychiatric help i have needed for years". He has yet to take any responsibility for anything.
> 
> to be honest, examples like this are making me question his sanity and what I am still doing here. the only reason i don't just leave is the fact that he has NEVER spoken to me this way and has always been SO laid back and easy going. someone else mentioned it is his job, i believe that totally. i know he has been looking for a new one, but what he does is so specialized, it is very difficult to find an open position, but i know he is trying.
> 
> ...


Because you have seen since a dramatic personality shift since the Paxil, I think you need to make some adjustments. I think you need to treat him like a very sick person. Ignore all his negative talk & not reply back with negativity. Clean his areas so he doesn't have to live in filth. Go into nurse/caretaker mode. That is what a loving wife would do.

Now I am not suggesting that you be a caretaker forever. Wait until you talk with his doctor & get a plan in place. Something is mentally wrong with him - an illness.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

> him telling me that "i hate myself so much because I am overweight and I obsess about my weight". so i say, in jest, well, if i hate myself so much what has kept me from just blowing my brains out? and said "because you are a coward"….. (What???) .... and then he makes a motion to shoo me away and says "go be fat somewhere else". Not to mention being constantly bombarded with accusations that i am completely psychotic and "maybe now i you can finally get the psychiatric help i have needed for years". He has yet to take any responsibility for anything.


What you're describing is called negative affect. Affect is how a person responds to things. A person with negative affect can interpret random things as insults or personal attacks, so their behavior seems irrational or inappropriate. I think road rage is a good example of negative affect. It just means he's on the wrong drug.



> I am currently waiting for a call back from the doc's office. i am praying the doctor will really listen and not be afraid to admit that she has prescribed the wrong meeds and not followed up.


Try not to use the word "wrong" when talking to a doctor. Most of the doctors I've delt with are insecure nutcases. Saying wrong around a doctor is like saying fat around an insecure woman. 

Your husband should try taking bupropion and fluoxetine. Bupropion (Wellbutrin) is the only dopamine/noradrenaline antideressant on the market, and fluoxetine (Prozac) is the most stimulating SSRI.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I'm sure it is ruining your marriage. It almost ruined mine. My husband is (still) weaning himself off the sh!t, he's been on it for years...he's down to 5mg a day, and I don't see the point in continuing taking it, really.

I hate antidepressants, they're over prescribed and what do they really do other than numb their victims?


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> I hate antidepressants, they're over prescribed and what do they really do other than numb their victims?


I think they're under prescribed. I live in the ghetto and I swear half of these people should be on drugs. Then I ride the train to work and I hear more people who should be on drugs; people talking about stupid political crap at work. Half of the bosses I've had should be on drugs. At least half of my friends should be on drugs. Log onto facebook right now and you can probably spot 4 or 5 people who should be on drugs. They post crazy statuses like "omg I love my boyfriend so much!" after 1 week of meeting that person. What kind of emotionally unstable status is that? A couple hours later, their status says they are no longer in a relationship. An hour after that, they're in a relationship again. I don't know what mental disorder causes people to act super dramatic, but it should probably be drugged.

Numbing the person is generally the point. Have you ever had a boss who flips out for no reason and makes everyone uncomfortable? Guys like that should definitely be drugged. How about people who frequently get into fights at bars? Those guys should be drugged. Antidepressants like sertraline have shown to be effective for reducing violent behavior in some people because it knocks out the fear center of the brain. 

One thing your husband can do to break the addiction is to take magnesium and vitamin C supplements. Magnesium calms nerves because it prevents calcium from entering cells when NMDA receptors are activated. Vitamin C is used to prevent the release of cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone released during periods of stress.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

ShawnD said:


> One thing your husband can do to break the addiction is to take magnesium and vitamin C supplements. Magnesium calms nerves because it prevents calcium from entering cells when NMDA receptors are activated. Vitamin C is used to prevent the release of cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone released during periods of stress.


Another thing he can do is pull up his big boy pants and deal with life; he's no longer suffering from depression, and he knows it. He's admitted that he doesn't need the Paxil anymore. 5mg a day? It does nothing for him, I'm sure.

I'm ready to throw out the pills. Sure, he'll be mad for a few days, but he'll thank me. He WANTS to get off. He just won't (right now). There's always an excuse...meh. It's his problem.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> I'm sure it is ruining your marriage. It almost ruined mine. My husband is (still) weaning himself off the sh!t, he's been on it for years...he's down to 5mg a day, and I don't see the point in continuing taking it, really.
> 
> I hate antidepressants, they're over prescribed and what do they really do other than numb their victims?


I had to taper very slowly because of the horrendous w/d symptoms. I used the Seroxat (Paxil) liquid and measured it with a syringe. I tapered by 10% of whatever dosage I was on every 4 weeks. The lower you get, the slower you need to go. Better for your H to get off it with a minimum amount of discomfort.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

He can do that at his own pace. The drug no longer has the same sexual side effects it did in higher doses, except for his inability to O at times (oh well, too bad, so sad...

I have little patience for these types of things. He always says he wants to quit, yet he just keeps on running to the doc every 6 months for more. He got it from a GP! He wasn't even evaluated (mentally).


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> He can do that at his own pace. The drug no longer has the same sexual side effects it did in higher doses, except for his inability to O at times (oh well, too bad, so sad...
> 
> I have little patience for these types of things. He always says he wants to quit, yet he just keeps on running to the doc every 6 months for more. He got it from a GP! He wasn't even evaluated (mentally).


Once he's off it completely, CC, he's going to notice a huge difference in every aspect of his life. IME, people who come off it quickly tend to end up on some other form of SSRI, and that just messes them up further. 

I would strongly suggest the 10% monthly taper method using the liquid because, whilst it takes longer, one is far less likely to get tempted to try something else to alleviate w/d symptoms. The people I know who did that are still trying one drug after another to help them cope with a never ending list of issues - caused by the poison itself.


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## SeptemberBlue (Sep 14, 2012)

just an update, i talked with the doctor, well her nurse since she will not take any calls.... they were basically VERY unhelpful. saying that there is nothing they can do without telling him that i told them i feel the meds are making him nuts.

there is no way that i can do that, he is so defensive and he would look at it as me betraying him in some way rather than concern, because everything is a competition with him and i know he would find a way to retaliate against me, possibly even physically, although that has never happened. he is just to unstable right now to go that route.

basically the nurse told me if i felt threatened in any way to call 911.... gee thanks.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

What's he doing while he's locked in the room all night?

Chatting with other people?

Porn?

WHAT?


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## SeptemberBlue (Sep 14, 2012)

southern wife said:


> What's he doing while he's locked in the room all night?
> 
> Chatting with other people?
> 
> ...


no clue, but it must be something really entertaining. there is a bathroom in there also, so he literally never comes out.

i couldn't live shut in like that, would drive me crazy. it just shows how determined he is. i suspect this will go on indefinitely now that we are nearing the 1 month mark of silent treatment. i have read on other message boards of people who live with their spouse like this for months and even YEARS! they they their spouse was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which i don't really know much about.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

SeptemberBlue said:


> just an update, i talked with the doctor, well her nurse since she will not take any calls.... they were basically VERY unhelpful. saying that there is nothing they can do without telling him that i told them i feel the meds are making him nuts.
> 
> there is no way that i can do that, he is so defensive and he would look at it as me betraying him in some way rather than concern, because everything is a competition with him and i know he would find a way to retaliate against me, possibly even physically, although that has never happened. he is just to unstable right now to go that route.
> 
> basically the nurse told me if i felt threatened in any way to call 911.... gee thanks.


I'm sorry - patient confidentially at its finest.

I would suggest talking to him but not if he can become violent to you like you are saying.

Well, you certainly don't have to live like this even if he is sick. Maybe you can plan a safe intervention with family members.


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