# 20 years and I just don't care her



## corvette1986 (Jan 24, 2009)

This is my first time so I am a virgin to any kind of forum and practically to my marriage.I want out so bad but I am afraid to to follow up. I knew when we got married 20 years ago something had changed at the last minute with her. She went fom being clinging and depending on me to no wanting to having anything to do with me and total withdrawl both verbally and physically.I had been married 7 or 8 years earlier and had 2 small sons that adored her and likewise for her. Things really changed for the worse when we drove several hundred miles out of state to steal her 5 year old daughter back that her her boyfriend whom had been using her as bait to lure my wife. She had a 13 year old son from her first husband that lived with his paternal grandparents out of state. I felt sorry and was able to get her children back and thought we would would have one happy family. Kids got along fantastic--we all did, until picking up the little girl. My new wife made her sleep in the same bed with us for 3 years. I finally got her to a counseler and that was the end of that, but also the end of any affection toward me. I actually thought then what a colossal mistake I had made and devised a somewhat cruel plan to divorce her after the kids got out school and left the home. Well the time is now, we have grandkids, and all of these 20 years have been like living in prison for me. I asked her to just be my friend and don't lie. Neither happened. All the kids love me and treat me like "dad" and they all know something is wrong. If anyone shows me the least bit of kindness or friendship, I am speechless, amazed. Got to go!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Are you saying you have shared neither friendship or sex with her for 20 years?


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## corvette1986 (Jan 24, 2009)

Friendship has been little and sex is less. I have been taking testerone shots every 2 weeks for years to grow my chest hair back, my facial hair which has been heavy,reduce my blood pressure. Since then I started to feel like a man again and honestly it has been very difficult to keep from having an extramartial affair. I notice women, but I couldn't live with my self if I was a cheater. She doesn't care about either. I was told to get a "magazine and use my hand". That's just part of the problem.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

corvette1986-

Tell me more about the hormone treatment. Did/do you have other problems?

How often is sex these days?


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## corvette1986 (Jan 24, 2009)

Thank you so much for replying to my inquiries. I really need someone to express myself to. After blood test starting in the past year, my Dr. found I had practically no testerone in my body. So he began treating with Armour Thyroid and a shot every other week of Testerone. I did also have diabetes for a couple of years and hypertension, but I have lost 80 pounds in recent months. The diabetes went away, my eyesight improved to the point that I no longer wear glasses or contacts and my hypertension is very good with medicine. I believe the hypertension would go away if problems with the wife were settled and sex life has not changed one bit. Before I starting getting medical care on a monthly basis, I resigned myself that sex was a pleasure of the past(she told me "get a magazine and use my hand"). After the testerone has went back to normal and other medical problems went away, I felt like a real man. My beard starting growing again,the hair on my body regrew all over like in the past, and I really noticed women. However the sex is still dead with her. Any affection is not likely, or kind words when she does speak to me. So my future is predicable and bleak. She has a small kidney disorder that is of min. response.
To her working and making 300,00 dollars a year is what life is about.She goes to a church function 6 days a week(seems like anything to avoid talking or seeing me)Grandkids every weekend!Please write me back when you get time.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

You seem like rip van winkle! Do you feel like you just woke up from a 100 year deep sleep? What do you want form life?


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## corvette1986 (Jan 24, 2009)

Yeah you are right! I feel like I am alive and a healthy man for the first time in memory! I want to make the best of my next hopefully 25-35 years, have fun, go places, lots of sex. Kinda normal things


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## corvette1986 (Jan 24, 2009)

I get emotional watching television or going to a rare movie and kinda feel like the latest Brad Pitt movie character Benjamin Button. I feel cheated and I'm not ready to be put out to pasture. I still have all my teeth and hair. I do have a female friend who has stuck with me as a friend for the last 2-3 years. Although she has a live-in boyfriend, she will be the first female I want to go out with and talk for hours. She is about 7-8 years younger than me, but she has been kind to me every day that I see her,-no exceptions. Like a real friend should be. I have told her I couldn't be dishonest to my wife and she doesn't expect it. I have even introduced my wife to her. I have to admit, the testerone shots are getting to me a bit and I feel like an 18-21 kid. You know what they always have in their mind.Thank you for your interest!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

corvette1986-

We need to hear a lot more. Tell me about your relationship with your wife:

Did it used to be hotter? 
Can you chart it's downfall? 
Who was to blame?
Looking back, do you think your T levels were always too low?

Write it all out - it's good for you. Just be kind to our eyes and break lengthy passages up into paragraphs


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## corvette1986 (Jan 24, 2009)

Mark,
Your questions in order are answered: Yes the sexual relationship used to be alot hotter. The best I had ever had with all I could handle. I had lots and lots of testerone, probably more that most men--I don't know but it was a major thing for me. If the saddle didn't fit right I didn't hang around. I know that is shallow, but it is so important.

The downfall started exactly 1 week after stealing back her 6 year old daughter from previous boyfriend. Neither had any custody arrangement, but we did everything legal right away. Within a week the little girl was sleeping in our bed everynite and my new wife would not provide any sneak away time from her daughter. First year sex,once a month(and lousy), each following year less until about 10 years later--NOTHING!

She didn't want to wake the kids up, what if they walked in on us since she wouldn't lock the door,wanted to be a better mother,etc., a new excuse every month. Of course I was befuddled and grouchy. What did I do wrong? She never blamed me for anything and would tell me what a wonderful husband I was. Blame=unknown honestly!

My T levels were at least normal if not on the high side. I had all of the physical signs;heavy beard, hairy body etc. Sex helped relieve stress naturally, sleep great at nite. A great mood enhancer all day long. I was 31 and this was the first woman to keep me all to herself.

Sorry about the poor writing. I have only recently became emotional about many things that I never gave a 2nd thought to and it easy to be confused and make mistakes. Thank you for your help.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Has your wife just been distant? Or has she been moody, angry, argumentative or anything like that?

How old is the little girl you've been talking about?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

It is very common for woman who don't want sex to use a child in the bed as a barrier, however, in your case it seems very abrupt.

Please read my article here to see if anything you were doing may have not helped. Then have a look at the Romance For Men article to see if you missed a trick somwhere along the way.

How long since the last time you had any sort of sexual experience with her, and what was it?


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## corvette1986 (Jan 24, 2009)

To answer everyone in order. Yes GPR, distant is a good word to use. Also. moody,angry, argumentative and very frigid are some good adjectives. Also she doesn't want me to speak about anything. It is like the sound of my voice is fingernails on a chalkboard to her ears. The little girl when we got her back was 6 years old and now she is mid 20's

Another thing that drives me crazy is the fact that she tries to finish my sentence/thought after one or two words--she is always wrong, but doesn't care. I just want some time away from her.
Thank you for writing!


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## corvette1986 (Jan 24, 2009)

Mark,
Thank you so much for the article to read. It was very helpful.I appreciate the time and effort you spent on the work!

I have come to the conclusion that she belongs to the group that is impossible to be happily married to.She has too many chips on her shoulder.

She was molested by her stepfather at the age of 3. I just found out today. She resents her mother for not protecting her better. There here has always been something between the family.

Religion is another problem. I guess they used to change religious beliefs like I change my underwear.

You are so very right about a husband that has sex witheld for no apparent reason. We have had sex less than a dozen times in the past 20 years.It bothered me greatly, unbelievable--my biggest challenge in life. The testerone shots made a man out of me again!!

I had to learn how to control my lost and then found testerone. Your body reacts to you and gives you only what you need. I am a biology major so I remember a few things. At first I was like a young bull wanting to mount everyone, but then I was able to get used to just looking-no touching.
I went to marriage counselors by myself and was really disappointed. They are just "hired guns"

Thank you so much for the response!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

corvette1986-

1)Do you think your T levels went down because you were denied sex for so long?

2)Why do you stay?


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## corvette1986 (Jan 24, 2009)

Mark,
Absolutely!!
In college we learned the body reacted to what was demanded. Since sex was a non issue, I concluded that it would never be for me again.

Prison studies on men denied sex have proved that many physical changes result. Like in the 60's-70's when the Russians gave women testerone and males were given estrogen in the Olympics. High blood pressure is an immediate result as the thyroid slows production of needed hormones. That is the main function of the thyroid.

I am sure that with a "normal marriage" I would regain years to my life.

I stayed because my kids were so important to me and she got along with them very well and vice versa. Her kids got along great. I actually had a "plan" to divorce her as soon as the kids were adults. The time is now and I find carrying out the plan is more difficult than thought. Many things to consider! I came up with this plan about 3-5 after the marriage began, but would often forget about it, getting busy with other important things. I knew then something was WRONG!

I guess when my health started to get become affected I thought more about it and now I am at the crosroads. Money, property and issuses right now.


Also I forgot to ask you. Can I still find someone to love and love me back in the world today? I am 50, in good health now and have always turned downed inquires from women--this may change. With 20-30 years left, love is more important to me than most things and I want an honest, decent person. Curious to see what you think. Not interested in marriage--that means nothing anymore.Just love and a friend.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

corvette1986 said:


> Also I forgot to ask you. Can I still find someone to love and love me back in the world today? I am 50, in good health now and have always turned downed inquires from women--this may change. With 20-30 years left, love is more important to me than most things and I want an honest, decent person. Curious to see what you think. Not interested in marriage--that means nothing anymore.Just love and a friend.


Yes you can. People in sexless marriages often end up with very low self esteem and think that no other human being would fancy them. Of course this is nonsense. But if you're going to do it, you need to get on with it.

Why did you turn down women in the past?


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## corvette1986 (Jan 24, 2009)

After being married I always held out hope it would eventually be alright. Besides, it seems to having an affair is alot of trouble! But seriously, I wanted to be able to hold my head up and have no bad feelings to carry around for the rest of my life. Just because she was screwed up, didn't mean I had to take part.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

corvette1986-

You won't be free until you understand that you did it to yourself. Why did you get together with her in the first place?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

corvette1986 said:


> Friendship has been little and sex is less. I have been taking testerone shots every 2 weeks for years to grow my chest hair back, my facial hair which has been heavy,reduce my blood pressure. Since then I started to feel like a man again and honestly it has been very difficult to keep from having an extramartial affair. I notice women, but I couldn't live with my self if I was a cheater. She doesn't care about either. I was told to get a "magazine and use my hand". That's just part of the problem.


She obviously considers all of you to be of the same value as the hand she suggested you become intimate with.
DUMP HER!


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I would talk to her and suggest counseling. If not and you are unhappy, think about moving out. I know it is a tough step but you are entltled to happiness.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

This is five years old, zombie thread
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

mablenc said:


> This is five years old, zombie thread
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wondered if anyone would notice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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