# Long history of BS and lies



## s'yllas (Jun 12, 2013)

My husband and I have been together since highschool, on and off. As teenages he lied, cheated, etc. etc. Once I overheard that he was hooking-up with his step-cousin. They both totally denied it and acted as if I was crazy, for year and years. Once he was dating another girl for a year, broke up with her to get back with me but continued to sleep with us both. 
We broke up for 5 years
He called one day and we started talking, he was with someone for 2 years but broke up with her to be with me again. Again, he slept with her a few more times without telling me! I chalked it up to (I broke them up abruptly and he still had feelings for her) so I let it go.
We got married a year later, he had a bad gambling problem that he lied to me about constantly. I found a secret bank account, found him at the casino's when he was supposedly at work (business owner, so he could not work whenever he felt like it). He has done jobs for ex-girlfriend's but always used their husband's name when talking about the job so I wouldn't know it was an ex-girlfriend!
Remember the cousin situation from 14 years ago... well we see her all the time (since she is "family") and one day I just pretended that I knew that he had slept with her, so he admitted it. He said it happened a couple times during a 1 week fling and that it was weird and uncomfortable and that he never told me because he didn't want me to be weird around her etc. etc. I asked her about it and she told me "the real story". They were sleeping together on and off for a couple years during this drug phase that they were both going through as teenagers where they did ecstacy and had sex. She was acutally in love with him but she said that all he did was talk about me and it used to piss her off!!! At this point I had a child with him and was pregnant (went into labor day after hearing this story). Now it's 2 years later, he started talking about an ex-girlfriend from high school a lot. No big deal (15 years ago). I checked his facebook and saw a deleted private message stream between him and her. Nothing bad in the messages AT ALL. Just old friends catching up. He contacted her though and exchanged numers because her parents might want some work done at their home.
The problem is the sneakiness, the hiding (deleting the messages), the history of lieing! I am so fed up with this person I married but now he is the father of my children! What do I do?
Obviously there were TONS of red flags over the years, I ignored them, shame on me. 
Should I leave him or just deal with the situation I put myself in with an untruthful person???


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## sunray (May 12, 2013)

Well you can't go back and say I should have known. I married an abusive controlling man who was abusing and controlling while we were dating. We do stupid things when we're young. 

It's your life and you only get one. I personally can't stand being the presents of my husband and can't wait to get away from all the bull sh**. 

Question??? If one of your children came to you and was telling you that their SO was doing all the things your husband is doing to you, what would you tell them?? If my daughter told me that her SO was treating her the way my husband has treated me for years, I would tell her to get out and run. That was answer. What's yours??


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'm so very sorry you are living through this. My father is a recovering gambler and apparently it is more difficult for him to quit gambling then alcohol. He's always been untruthful and he says what he thinks you want to hear. It's highly frustrating. 

I don't know if there is a way to overcome the lying. My oldest child has a lying issue and we've tried everything to help her. If your not truthful to the therapist, they can't help you either. She's an adult now and on her own.

But, with my father, my mother has been very dedicated and does her best to keep him in line. The downside about it is that she doesn't believe what anyone says. She's always accusing me if lying and that's frustrating too. I have absolutely nothing to lie about ever.

I would be most concerned about the infidelity. Whether its an EA or PA, that would immediately make me pack up and leave. I will not accept that betrayal. I'm not even sure I'd put up with the lying it gambling addiction either. I'm always concerned about the future and retirement. My father will never be able to retire. He'll be working until the day he passes from his poor decision making. He lost his job due to gambling and they moved into our home until they got back up on their feet.

If you decide to stay, it will take a lot of work and effort to keep him on track. Plus your husband must be willing to get help himself. You will have to have full control of all the finances. Have the checking account in your name only. Make sure he doesn't apply for credit cards and keep your cash in your pocket at all times. Give him the cash just when he needs it. Make sure he gets help through gamblers anonymous.

It's a tough life. Good luck if you decide to stick with him.


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