# Help!! Cheated on!! and wife wants to take child..



## Alex2400 (Jun 11, 2011)

Hi All,

I have made threads prior about my wife leaving me for another man and the situation was he lived in another state. The time has come were im left not knowing what to do, my wife has recently told me that she wants to move to another state take the child with her but alternate him every 2 weeks. My son is 2 years old and still quite dependent on both parents, I see this as being a terrible mistake for my son to be chopped and changed between 2 parents every few weeks one life living in the country and the next in the city.

I am contesting this with my wife advising this isnt whats best for our son, she responds by saying she isnt happy where she is she has no real family and wants to make a fresh new change. 

My son has all his family here my family his Grandparents, me, cousins, aunties etc. I come from quite a big family and he has alot love here where I am but where he's moving to he has no one but his mother and his mothers boyfriend and family. My ex wants to try and sort things out so we come to an agreement she wants me to always be in our sons life but she simply cant stay here. Does something like this take a toll on a child being moved around from state to state?? I know I have already contacted lawyers and so forth, but can something like this honestly work, to be honest I think she has gone delirious saying I cant even come to a compromise to the whole situation, I said I would have him full time and she can visit when she wants and refuses saying she is his mother and he needs his mother more than anything and of course a child needs his mother but she has no one, no support from family nothing, I have a whole family who adores him dearly and all willing to help when it comes to my child example babysitting and so forth.

What do I do, will this affect my child, do I fight for this??


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Are you divorced yet?? if not, then Get a lawyer ASAP, the best shark you can afford, and get a gameplan for quickly filing for D to get temp orders from a judge in place that focuses on 1) showing how you are the best parent for your child (document, document, document) and how the child's living situation should NOT be thrown in CHAOS by his mother and 2) make the divorce for cause (fault) if possible. And get over to dadsdivorce.com and study up like a mad man. Make it all about what's best for your son.


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## Alex2400 (Jun 11, 2011)

Thanks for the advice, I will do to clarify were not divorced or even gone through mediation, I have lots of stuff that I can document to paper and will be doing so over the next week. I certainly need to start getting prepared, I have a proper lawyer she will have some legal aid as she wouldnt be able to afford a proper lawyers services.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Alex, the one thing that is most important, above all others in your situation is your son and his well being. You need to prepare for an all-out fight as there is very often a huge unfair anti-dad bias in the family court system. Often, the only way around it is to play the kid card (in court, child's needs trump mom or dad's needs), and that means you are probably going to have to go great lengths to show that you are the real parent and she is not - that she's abdicated her parental role. A huge thing that could be in your favor is the "status quo" for your son as it sounds like you are doing all or most of the parenting so far.

Right now she can do whatever she wants with your son, like take him on the road, and it wouldn't be illegal. Once you file, there will temporary orders in place that will put a stop to things like changing the child's residence, etc (many states have boilerplate for this). The orders last until the D is final.

Get over to the website I mentioned, and study up. Keep a notepad of some form (electronic or paper) handy and jot down every issue and situation that you read which sounds like it is or possibly could be relevant to you. Don't rely on your lawyer to lead the way. They are hired tools, like a screwdriver, and do what you pay them to. You need to take charge and drive the situation forward - when you meet with your attorney you can ask "what about if she does this..." or "what if she claims that..." and so on and so on, and build a gameplan that is as solid as can be. Then let them translate that into motions filed, and use their familiarity with the law, and the specific courts and judges to do the execution of your plans.

As a dad, nothing is going to be handed to you (like it would be if you were the mom), so expect to fight the most complete and unforgiving fight possible. Ask yourself, if 16 years from now if your son heard the full story of what happened.. would he be proud to have a dad like you?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Anubis advice is spot on, Alex. Don't rely solely on your lawyer's counsel because he/she has many clients and wants to do the least amount of work for each one, including you. Click on the link below my signature titled Dads divorce and go to their forum and look for the stickie thread titled 'Lessons learned before and after'. Good luck.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

The others are right. Also, the courts always take the side of what is best for the child, and I've known of a few friends who have had to change their minds about leaving to keep the custody decision balanced in their favor. I did have a friend, a man, who was able to get full custody based on documentation of what she had done, and then the fact that she was moving far away in unsafe situations for their child. See if you have options for repayment, 401k hardship withdrawals (which you are eligible for with divorce), or 401k loans, but I don't think you will regret making sure that you are with a lawyer who will work hard for you.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

In Canada it's pretty standard in a divorce agreement that the child can't leave the home province, ever, with only one parent. And if one parent wants to move into another province primary custody immediately goes to the parent staying in the home province . You can't even cross a provincial border legally with your kids on vacation without the other parent signing off on legal documents. 

Hell, here we hav to get papers drawn up if one of the parents wants to take thier kids down south across the border to, say, Disney world.

I would get a lawyer, stat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Talk to the lawyer immediately and ask for what can be done to stop her from taking him out of state. Be warned that she is a flight risk, since she has no money for a lawyer she might just take him. Be prepared with a plan on what immediate actions you will take if she grabs and runs. You need to have a good photograph and description of your son ready to provide if she runs.

If you have the money hire and investigation of the out of state boyfriend. Not the crap she has told about him. Get his shoe size. This info is one to show to a judge that he is not fit for your son to be around, and also to know where she and the kid may run too. For instance find if the OM has siblings or parents that the kid would be hid at.

Your wife is a cheat and a liar. Do not trust her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

She can not take the kids across state lines without your approval!! Once her lawyer tells her this she will have to chose either OM or her kid. She won't leave and the affair will fizzle out!! This is your Ace in The Hole so use it!!!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

ShootMePlz! said:


> She can not take the kids across state lines without your approval!! Once her lawyer tells her this she will have to chose either OM or her kid. She won't leave and the affair will fizzle out!! This is your Ace in The Hole so use it!!!


Unfortunately, if there is no child custody order signed by a judge, then she can take him anywhere except out of the country. That's why it's so very important for him to get a custody order ASAP.


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## frasierkev (Oct 8, 2012)

So what was the result of the wife wanting to take child to live where her boyfriend lives?

I am in the same situation. I have (3) kids all under 10 and my wife has been in an affair for over a year (I've found out recently). We are currently divorcing and will be undergoing an parental custody evaluation. Of course she is claiming that I'm an unfit parent and have never been involved in our kids lives and that I am to blame for all the bad in our marriage. I have been very involved in our kids lives, at least as much as her and I love my kids. My kids love me. I am devasted by all of this, and I know my kids will be absolutely devasted when they find out about their mother's intentions. Both of us make great money and she is claiming she'll make even more at her new location via a job transfer. Also claiming that she'll be able to offer our kids a better lifestyle....their lifestyle now though is one that many kids would only dream of having.

My lawyer and I are crafting a battle plan, but I am really interested in what became of the persons situation that posted.

thank you,


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

frasierkev said:


> So what was the result of the wife wanting to take child to live where her boyfriend lives?
> 
> I am in the same situation. I have (3) kids all under 10 and my wife has been in an affair for over a year (I've found out recently). We are currently divorcing and will be undergoing an parental custody evaluation. Of course she is claiming that I'm an unfit parent and have never been involved in our kids lives and that I am to blame for all the bad in our marriage. I have been very involved in our kids lives, at least as much as her and I love my kids. My kids love me. I am devasted by all of this, and I know my kids will be absolutely devasted when they find out about their mother's intentions. Both of us make great money and she is claiming she'll make even more at her new location via a job transfer. Also claiming that she'll be able to offer our kids a better lifestyle....their lifestyle now though is one that many kids would only dream of having.
> 
> ...



Start a new thread. You will get more responses that way.


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