# Looking like a sexless marriage to me :P



## RayRay88 (Dec 5, 2012)

Hubby and I have been married for a yr and a half with a 1yr old. Our sex life went way down hill after I got preggo. Can't stand to look in the mirror most days which greatly affects how I feel about my sexuality. Oh boy I remember the days I was a nympho! They seem long gone. I do, however, wish for an active sex life once again.

Reasons for it not existing? It is both our faults I am sure of that. We have talked about it many times but we butt heads over it. I am actually the "exciting" one in bed and he is the "boring" one. He doesn't enjoy foreplay, massaging, toys, various positions (he is all about me on top), roleplay, anal, etc. etc. Then the biggest prob he honestly doesn't seem to care if he gets off in 5 min and I'm left hanging  so I pretty much ALWAYS have to finish by myself once he is back out in the living room playing vid games or on the laptop. I just get so tired of talking to him about it that I wanna give up. He wants sex. I want sex. But we have totally different perspectives about the act.. to the point for the last many, many months I turn him down quite a bit for the sole purpose of me never, EVER getting anything out of it. All I want is an emotional, sexual, fun-filled sexual relationship that should exist between husband and wife!!! Not the quickie of "wham bam, thank you ma'am". What is one to do?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A diet of "wham bam, thank you ma'am" will kill a woman's desire for sex so fast. Men who have this kind of sex exclusively are selfish. IMO, not taking care of their wife's sexual needs is a form of emotional abuse.

So what does your husband say when you tell him that you are not satisfied with his quickies and him leaving you to take care of yourself?


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

your husband knows that you have to finish yourself off and doesn't care? you've specifically told him that you are left hanging after his orgasm and need to climax on your own and he doesn't care? if he has an orgasm in 5 minutes, have you asked him how it would feel if you stopped after 3 minutes and leave him with blue balls? he knows how important this is to you and he doesn't care? Is your husband on meds? is he addicted to porn? Does he even want sex at all with you or is it duty sex for him?

Sounds like you either need to get through to him how this is endangering your marriage, or go to counseling.


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Was he this way when you were dating?


----------



## RayRay88 (Dec 5, 2012)

I should have added... He doesn't think our sessions are THAT short when in reality they are. Usually he says "I can't help it you take longer than the average woman to get off". It takes me about 15-20 min to reach the big O through foreplay or after. We do the worst thing a couple can- compare each other to our exes  He says he never ever had a complaint and all his exes didn't take that long to get off. Personally, I think most of them faked it so as not to hurt his feelings or maybe he lasted longer than Idk.

He was NOT like this when we were dating. Some things he would do but he seems to have lost interest in pleasing me. From what I know he barely ever watches porn and almost never jerks off. Idk if it's cuz he lost his drive or not or there is something I am missing that he won't tell me. We have been together almost 24/7 the past 2 weeks cuz he is on a temporary lay off. No sex at all during that time but then again the last time we did it was in December and before that in September!


----------



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Based on what has been described sounds like hubby needs an attitude adjustment and, given that he has not responded to talking it over maybe something more drastic is needed - like withholding until there is a real meeting of the minds and he engages more than he has so far.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Your hubby sounds like my wife and you sound like me.

If my wife is really in the mood, I would always give her oral to orgasm first and then go from there. Unless she only wants a quickie, 5 - 15 minutes, back rub and bed time. It takes my wifee about 15 - 20 minutes to orgasm and myself, up to 5, maybe 10 minutes, so that's why she comes first, if she wants it.


----------



## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

Try getting yours first. Maybe he will try harder. I can't climax through PIV, but my H makes sure I am satisfied. Have you worded your concern through his eyes. ie: how would you like it if I left you hanging? I bet he would not be a happy camper.


----------



## RayRay88 (Dec 5, 2012)

I thought I put it clear to him through drastic measures. I told him either we start spicing up the sex life or I'd pass on every advance he would make. For example: He makes an advance and I say sure let's do it but how about doggie this time and some oral or whatever. His reply? "Oh nvm, I don't feel like doing it" and will literally come out and say he doesn't want to put anymore effort into it than he has to. And no I never thought of that- making him understand by doing it for 3min and be done lol wonder how he would feel!


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I feel for yah and you deserve so much better.

Your hubby should always give you an oral orgasm first, and then the other fun can begin afterwards. If you want to try different positions, he should be excited and all over you!!! For me, no words are needed. If my wifee wants to do a certain position, she just moves into it and same with me. No asking or pleading. Takes away from the spontanuity and passion for that moment. I've never left my wife hanging because I know better. It's just she usually isn't in the mood and for the most part, doesn't want me going down on her but when I do, she loves it.


----------

