# anyone ever dated or remarried ex wife



## Post

my ex wife and I got married just after high school we where very young.

she came home one day said it was over she had met a much older man at work and he was her soulmate. keep in mind we were 24 years old at this time with a 1 year old child. I was devastated and lost

my parents got me a lawyer and led me through the divorce. I got custody of our son and she put up no fight for anything. We Co-parented very well together she got our son ever other weekend. our son is a senior in high school this year.

Both our 2nd marriages failed. Again my 2nd wife cheated and marriage was sexless, I was relieved it was over. 1st wifes soulmate left her to go back with his wife years ago only a few months after we divorced. She met another man and married him then he cheated on her. 

she claims cheating on me was the biggest mistake ever. the other night she came over to give me money for our sons senior expenses and we had sex. it was very good sex better sex than we ever had when we where married. we are texting constantly and it feels good to talk to her. I had not had sex in a year and a half maybe ive been lonely and this feels good.

I got a whirlwind of emotions at the moment. I told her we need counseling, she agreed. I told her for this to ever work out we would have to go through counseling, because I have major trust issues. I feel its something wrong with me because I've been in 3 relationships in my life and all 3 people cheated on me. 

she was actually a good wife until she had the affair, im very physically attracted to her as she is very fit and good looking. 

she apologized to me years ago for it and had made the comment we could have worked it out.

Ive got so much running through my head at the moment I don't know if I should run or what to do.
I had said I would never marry or date again but I cant go with out a physical relationship.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

I had a good friend who did. 

In addition to their three kids together, he had adopted her child from a previous marriage.

She was a holy roller who forbade him from listening to his favorite music because it was unholy. 

They divorced at about the nine year mark. 

Then she found out that if a military member is married more than 10 years prior to a divorce, upon a divorce, the dependent spouse automatically gets 1/2 of the military members retirement pay when retires. 

She reached out and they remarried. 

After another year of marriage passed, she refused to accompany him on his assignment to ITALY on the grounds that it would be a bad environment for the kids. 

So she got the separation she wanted without having to divorce yet. He was stuck paying for two households. Upon his return, she refused to accompany him on his next assignment so on it went. 

They remained married without having cohabitated for a decade. Upon his retirement from service, she filed. 

A good Christian girl she is. 

Beware of comeback kids.


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## skerzoid

Post said:


> my ex wife and I got married just after high school we where very young.
> 
> she came home one day said it was over she had met a much older man at work and he was her soulmate. keep in mind we were 24 years old at this time with a 1 year old child. I was devastated and lost
> 
> my parents got me a lawyer and led me through the divorce. I got custody of our son and she put up no fight for anything. We Co-parented very well together she got our son ever other weekend. our son is a senior in high school this year.
> 
> Both our 2nd marriages failed. Again my 2nd wife cheated and marriage was sexless, I was relieved it was over. 1st wifes soulmate left her to go back with his wife years ago only a few months after we divorced. She met another man and married him then he cheated on her.
> 
> she claims cheating on me was the biggest mistake ever. the other night she came over to give me money for our sons senior expenses and we had sex. it was very good sex better sex than we ever had when we where married. we are texting constantly and it feels good to talk to her. I had not had sex in a year and a half maybe ive been lonely and this feels good.
> 
> I got a whirlwind of emotions at the moment. I told her we need counseling, she agreed. I told her for this to ever work out we would have to go through counseling, because I have major trust issues. I feel its something wrong with me because I've been in 3 relationships in my life and all 3 people cheated on me.
> 
> she was actually a good wife until she had the affair, im very physically attracted to her as she is very fit and good looking.
> 
> she apologized to me years ago for it and had made the comment we could have worked it out.
> 
> Ive got so much running through my head at the moment I don't know if I should run or what to do.
> I had said I would never marry or date again but I cant go with out a physical relationship.


*Much Better*


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## Mr.Married

She comes back because other plans have failed. When the next new shiny thing comes along ...... your toast yet again.

The way I see it you would be reinforcing the idea that she can get away with bad behavior. For me its a bad precedent to begin (another) marriage on.

Don't let your previous failures allow yourself to settle for someone you think is a comfortable bet. You might just set yourself up for more of the same.

The sex ..... don't get too caught up in your head with her while the hormones are still running high. Give yourself some time to think before you react.

Generalization: Her best 2 times will be when she is scared you will leave and when she needs you to take her back.

" it was very good sex better sex than we ever had when we where married."


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## Betrayedone

Hell no! Run the **** away from her. She betrayed you! You want to give her another chance to do the same?


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## Marc878

Better slow down and think about what you're doing bud.

You have all the time in the world. Plus you know what her capabilities are.

You may just be a familiar plan B for a soft landing.

Beware


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## MJJEAN

My Aunt was long term partners with a lovely man I'll call Uncle Chip. Uncle Chip was a bit older than my Aunt. He had been married, raised a couple kids, and divorced sometime when the kids were young-ish. My Aunt and Chip were together for well over a decade, but split because he'd already raised his family and didn't want to start over while she very much wanted kids. They stayed in touch and stayed friends. A year or so after they split, Uncle Chip remarried his ex-wife. They stayed married until his death.


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## Spicy

I know three couples that have done this. All are happy (as far as it appears) and all say they were young and immature when they split up, and after life knocked them around for a couple decades, when given the chance to reunite, they found the love was still there and are remarried.

YMMV. I would just take it slow and see how it goes. Just don’t get all crazy because of one good night after a long dry spell. :grin2:


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## ConanHub

Keep your head. She treated her family like **** and behaved in a vile manner.

She could have changed for the better but she needs to be able to show it over the test of time before you commit.

Dazzling you in bed just means she treated you to what she learned over the years. Nothing wrong with it but it is absolutely nothing to base a life decision on.


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## wilson

Would she have come back to you if scummate hadn't gone back to his wife and her 2nd H hadn't cheated? I'm getting the sense that she's crawling back more because she doesn't have any better options rather than she's missed you this whole time. Add in the fact that she likely didn't do any of the recovery and reconciliation for cheating with scummate makes this a poor choice for a relationship.

I could see getting back together if there wasn't cheating. If you got married at 18, realized you wanted different things at 24, got divorced, then 10+ years later got back together, that doesn't sound too bad. Plenty of 20-year-olds are clueless about life, what they want, and what makes a good marriage. I could see giving that a second try.


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## VibrantWings

I understand why your mind would leap to ""getting remarried" to someone you went down that road with before but having sex and texting is having sex and texting. 
The trust issue comes out in your posts and I would have them, too, in your situation. My question is: you are enjoying the little new get together with her but you are so fearful of "backsliding" which makes me ask....do you still feel like you love her? Is that why you're afraid? 
If she's your "pretty poison" I totally get that. Can you perhaps just pursue a friendship with her if that's something you desire? Perhaps this is a chance to help old wounds heal and move on from that bad part of your life. You don't have to marry her. If there's something else you may want from her, I don't see anything wrong with testing the waters.


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## Casual Observer

wilson said:


> Would she have come back to you if scummate hadn't gone back to his wife and her 2nd H hadn't cheated? I'm getting the sense that she's crawling back more because she doesn't have any better options rather than she's missed you this whole time. Add in the fact that she likely didn't do any of the recovery and reconciliation for cheating with scummate makes this a poor choice for a relationship.
> 
> I could see getting back together if there wasn't cheating. If you got married at 18, realized you wanted different things at 24, got divorced, then 10+ years later got back together, that doesn't sound too bad. Plenty of 20-year-olds are clueless about life, what they want, and what makes a good marriage. I could see giving that a second try.


The alternative reading to what the ex is doing is not that she's "crawling back" but rather learned, over time, that the grass turns from green to brown after a while, and at some point it makes sense to stop believing it has to stay green and learn to enjoy the seasons of a relationship. I'm trying to remember how the guy explained it in the 5 Love Languages, but basically a relationship can run about two years on love & infatuation. When that two years is over, you find out what you're made of. She's found out a couple of times, not just her own constitution, but saw the exact same thing in others. She may be done with that and recognizes the value in settling down and enjoying the seasons.

Maybe.

But I think the OP can set things up, in his mind. for this to be a relatively low-risk experiment. Absolutely get counseling, now, not later, for both. Make sure the pitfalls are laid out, make sure she understands the trust issues that she caused (and that she may now have in common with him). Make sure she's willing to be ridiculously-transparent. If she's got privacy issues, run the heck away.


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## SunCMars

The original good penny was kid-nabbed by an old buzzard.
It soon dropped it.

Likely, over the years, two or more hands fondled it, making it tarnished.

The penny has now rolled back to your door.

It is worn for wear. Ah, still spendable.

You can still see some shine in it.

The penny has returned to its original owner, its rightful owner.
She’s yours, was promised to you, yes, was taken from you, for a spell.

*Take* what’s yours, polish the head and tail side of the penny.

Do not take it to the bank yet and deposit it, it may yet slip away.

In the end…..you won the toss.

You silently called heads, now it has landed heads-up at your door and is smiling.

Someone else got the tail, never the head.

You won, you won, you won!

This is a good omen. 
Fight not Fate.



King Brian-


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## oldtruck

Remarrying an ex has worked for many.
Though do not put the cart before the horse.
Date her.
Live with her, which is just full time dating.
Use those two years full time dating as a courtship.
After that time you will know if you are happy with her.
You can be happy but still have trust issues. If so keep living with her.
Though do not marry her until those fears are one hundred percent gone.


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## Taxman

I have seen it play out, and in my opinion it is 50/50. All depends on what was to original cause for the split in the first place. Here, the reason was, of course, an office romance that got out of hand, resulting in an affair that broke up the marriage. Given everything that occurred subsequent, there is a chance that this could work. If there are any lingering resentments, then nope. Since we are not inside the heads of the exW/exH, we will never know. I suggest that this be a very very carefully engineered slow reconciliation. Do not move in, date each other, then date some more. I will also recommend a couple's counselor to monitor the relationship. I know this sounds like a touch of overkill, but essentially you are raising a corpse from the dead, as Dr. Frankenstein will tell you, it is full of pitfalls.


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## Tex X

Post said:


> I feel its something wrong with me because I've been in 3 relationships in my life and all 3 people cheated on me.


What have you done to address that? If you haven't done anything to fix yourself then history will repeat itself. You hear people talk about 'bad pickers' all the time, and the truth is that the individuals who choose poorly usually have underlying issues that cause them to partner with broken people. So getting a better 'picker' is all about making yourself a better person.


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## StillSearching

I stopped at "Soulmate"
There's no such thing. 

Even Jesus says there is no marriage in heaven.
Luke 20:34-36


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## bandit.45

Date her, f*ck her, even live with her if you want to, but don't ever marry her.


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## StillSearching

bandit.45 said:


> Date her, f*ck her, *even live with her if you want to*, but don't ever marry her.


In some places there is still common law marriage. 
He must be careful, the laws do favor her.


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## dubsey

Flat out tell her you'll never trust her, and you won't make any commitments, and just enjoy the time you have with her, and by time, I mean the sex.

If she's not ok with that arrangement, move on.


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## Betrayedone

Grow a pair, don't be a fool.....Stay away.


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## personofinterest

dubsey said:


> Flat out tell her you'll never trust her, and you won't make any commitments, and just enjoy the time you have with her, and by time, I mean the sex.
> 
> If she's not ok with that arrangement, move on.


Yes, the manly, character-filled thing to do is to use her up as much as possible. Ya know, once trash, always trash.

How admirable.


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## Volunteer86

I am going against the current on this one...It sounds like she may have grown up and learned somethings about life. I would take things slow and see what happens. It sounds like you still have something for her and she does the same for you. So your son is older now...Does he know? Take your time....


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## dubsey

personofinterest said:


> Yes, the manly, character-filled thing to do is to use her up as much as possible. Ya know, once trash, always trash.
> 
> How admirable.


That's not what I'm saying, but I can see that it can be read that way.

He's never going to trust her. Never. Why give her, and really himself, false hope for something more. It's easier on both of them this way. When they're together they're together, and when they're not they're not. it's a 2 way street.

FYI, I'd give the same advice if she was here posting about it. IE, he will never trust you, but when you're together, just enjoy the time together.


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## bandit.45

personofinterest said:


> Yes, the manly, character-filled thing to do is to use her up as much as possible. Ya know, once trash, always trash.
> 
> How admirable.


She would be using him as much as he uses her. 

I love how a woman always thinks a guy owes her something just because she sleeps with him. 

And yeah...I'm generalizing. Sue me.


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## personofinterest

bandit.45 said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, the manly, character-filled thing to do is to use her up as much as possible. Ya know, once trash, always trash.
> 
> How admirable.
> 
> 
> 
> She would be using him as much as he uses her.
> 
> I love how a woman always thinks a guy owes her something just because she sleeps with him.
> 
> And yeah...I'm generalizing. Sue me.
Click to expand...

Lol. At least you're honest


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## Casual Observer

dubsey said:


> That's not what I'm saying, but I can see that it can be read that way.
> 
> He's never going to trust her. Never. Why give her, and really himself, false hope for something more. It's easier on both of them this way. When they're together they're together, and when they're not they're not. it's a 2 way street.
> 
> FYI, I'd give the same advice if she was here posting about it. IE, he will never trust you, but when you're together, just enjoy the time together.


so people never go through a learning period, experience a crisis (or two), have an epiphany and co e out the other side a better person?

Some people never grow up, but some do eventually learn and come around. They don’t become fully functional/normal until they’ve learned things the hard way. If nobody gives them a second chance, they’ll likely fall back and meet TAM expectations. 

Lately it might sound like I’ve been harsh on TAM and almost making fun of it. That’s not the case. This site has helped me tremendously. But I think we let averages and expectations dictate outcomes. 80% of the time that’s dead right. 10% could maybe go either way. But we do a dis-service to the small minority, maybe less than 10%, where the illogical works out. Where love triumphs over reason and expectation.


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## dubsey

I've not said one thing about the quality of her character or her as a person. The fundamental basis of my advice is built upon his massive trust issues, which he's earned over time.


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## oldtruck

There are no guarantees in life
The hot sex is still there
Remarriage has worked before for others
He is not in a relationship now
Sounds like her offer has potential
He should date her
Move slow and see if things work this time


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## Taxman

Yeah, that is something that you should know, in many jurisdictions cohabitation beyond a certain time frame is legally seen as a common law marriage. In my province, it is six months of continuous cohabitation, and immediate upon the birth of a child. Govern yourselves accordingly. If I were in your shoes, and this gets serious, then a cohab or prenup would be in order.


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