# So THAT's what a real trigger feels like



## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Between DDay and now, 5 months later, things have happened that triggered bad feelings, memories, etc. But for the first time, last night, I had a real doozy that made me think the others weren't the real thing.

I don't even know what made me "trigger", but for some reason I thought again about the last goodbye text the OM sent my W. I read it 4 months ago and never told my W I saw it. 

In his text he said the script stuff about always waiting for her, telling her he didn't really think this was goodbye, that he loved her even more for trying to make it work for our family. The last one especially angers me. Anyway, we had a counseling session last night and given I got mad all over again like it was yesterday and realized I should probably unleash this last issue I had, that I hadn't shared with my wife.

It was rough. She was mad that I didn't tell her months ago, given all the work we've done. I told her in the car on the way to the session, so we walked in while it was fresh. Spent the whole hour discussing it. For about 45 of the 60 minutes I was fighting back 5 month old tears, or letting them fall. I was a wreck and couldn't control myself. The strength of the emotions took me by surprise as we went through it all. The session was powerful and productive and left me exhausted.

And I thought, well, I guess this was my first REAL trigger - one that just knocks you over and doesn't care who sees.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

So sorry you are going thru this. I know exactly how you feel but for you and I this is going to be with us for a while. Good that you brought it up. Bests to you.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

It is a place you are visiting, you don't live their anymore.

Just let it out.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I'm sorry that you're going through all this. I know its small comfort, but this is perfectly normal. If you weren't getting triggers, I would be worried. R is so very difficult, even when the WS is remorseful. That's why only a third of marriages survive infidelity. Just know that as time goes by, the triggers will lessen, but not completely go away. Eventually the low points that triggers cause, lessens with time as long as the WS is doing their part in R. 

I'm 16 months out and I still trigger, but they affect me less and less. I'll tell you this much, you're doing a hell of a lot better at 5 months than I was when I was at your stage. At 5 months, I was still a mess and triggering daily very badly.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Its those darn movies where the dude and the chick embrace and mash their faces together...
I want that....
that triggers me, and I tell myself, ya know? Why wasnt it this way for the past several years?

Better days ahead fo sho'!


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

It's not that I don't think about what happened every single day. Some days I spend 2-3 hours thinking about the affair. Other days maybe it pops in my head just a couple of times. But it's nowhere near gone. But usually my thoughts are just that, thoughts, not violent feelings that completely overtake my whole mood.

I've had other triggers that resulted in me feeling down for a bit, or irritated, but nothing even close to this level of severity.

The reason I think I am doing relatively well at 5 months out is twofold. First, I can compartmentalize like nobody's business. Second, my wife has been totally on the up-and-up for the last 4 of these 5 months. Doing everything she needs to do. I've checked email/phone, etc, and nothing. And she has shown me a lot of love.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this as well. I trigger randomly like that as well and remember things like that, for instance out of no where a post that one of the OM posted on FB will pop into my head that said "Come into your house, make love to your spouse, fu-k her in the mouth then I'm out." I know that it's lyrics from a song but shortly after my wife was accused of having sex with that guy around the same time he posted that.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

I can relate. I don't outright trigger often. We've made great progress in reconciling once she finally stopped pretending to reconcile. But, since the two of us AND the OM work together, it's really tough for me to completely let go of the anger and resentment and put him behind us (as much as wi be possible, anyway). I'm certainly not going to quit...management likes me a lot. Asking her to quit won't solve anything...she's gotten good at ignoring him completely, and if she left, he'd still be here fo me to see daily...same problem of not being able to completely let go. Honestly figured he'd have been fired or quit long ago...but he's still hanging in there. While I fully expect thoughts of the A would continue for some time, I'm certain I'd recover much better if indisnt have to see his frakkin face or hear his annoying voice every day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Don't let it define you. Your better then this crap and with positive additude and the will to force this ughly/evil though out, is the best we can do


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

And qiut your jobs, sell your sh1t, buy a camper, and start sending out resume's.

Ya I know easier said then done but...man is your marriage and your wife worth your jobs?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I just got a trigger thinking about triggers, 


uggggggggg.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Yeah, I probably got the trigger from reading stories on here. Or not. But regardless, this one was easily the worst.


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