# Friend of mine - Goin' crazy here!



## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

A close friend of mine that I have worked with for fifteen years has just recently been going through a separation. I've never been through a separation or a divorce, and I wish there was something I could do...but all I can do is sit there and watch him going through agony. 

Their marriage seemed perfect, and my friend was really happy. They've been married for twenty years! But they have been together since high school. She was around 15 and he was 17 I think. They never dated anybody else. At first when I heard this, I was like, "Oh no...that isn't good." but over the years I found myself thinking, "You know...maybe this is like those picture perfect marriages and they can exist." They never argued. They agreed on everything. Or I should say, my friend agreed on anything his wife wanted or desired and she pretty much ran his life...but I digress...

He pretty much got to the point over the years where he couldn't pee without her telling him where to go. Because he let her run him. He would complain about this stuff to me over the last fifteen years and I would tell him that he had to put his foot down on some things, that it wasn't good to let her run him like that. He never listened. I saw this coming three years ago when she started going on these long vacations out of state without him, when before they would always go together. Then she started doing these activities first once a week, then twice, then she was gone like four days out of the week and he was always stuck home, unable to do things he wanted to do because somebody had to take care of their daughter and take her to her extracurricular activities. 

Then several months ago she told him she was thinking about a trial separation, and he's been a mess ever-since. Now she tells him she thinks there is only a 10% chance of getting back together and "Haven't you ever wanted to be in love with someone else?" He's devastated. He's lost. He can't think at work. He can't sleep. And there is nothing I can do about it. I've helped him before with tough times at work when he was going through a bad time with some jerk there. I was able to help be there for him through that. But this...the only thing I can do is tell him he can text or call me when he needs someone to talk to, and to listen when he is at work pouring his heart out. But there is nothing I can do to mend a broken heart, and everything I say seems somehow inadequate. And it just makes me mad that this friend of mine is a good guy, and he did everything for his wife, gave her everything - all she would have to do is say, "I want the bathroom redone." and there he was redoing it, and yet that wasn't good enough for her. She has the nerve to not appreciate a good guy when she has one when other women are out there wishing their men were half as good as this friend of mine. And the other thing that bothers me is that when she's done playing around with this other guy that she's messing with, and realizes that there aren't that many guys out there willing to do the world for their wives, like him, he'll probably eagerly take her back and she don't deserve him at all! 

Anyway, I feel so bad for my friend.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

its called "nice guy" sindrom,

Do you think poeple respect you for doing what ever they want, or do you think they respect you b/c you stand up and say what needs to be said?

Your friends chick has lost respect for him b/c she can walk all over him with no regard.....think about it


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Yeah I too was a nice guy, realized in the past day or so that wife was the leader of our two-dog pack, I was just awaiting her command all the time but she was a crappy leader that refused to give out commands. Anyways, thanks to the support of ex nice guys on here I'm realizing where I went wrong and how to deal with this in the future. As to your friend/co-worker, I know EXACTLY how he feels and even though he is devastated he will find a lot of confidence in himself over the next few weeks/months. As for their relationship, the dynamics would have to change a h3ll of a lot before things start working again, I doubt his W has near as much patience as him and he would easily outlast her on the path to reconciliation. I wish the best for him.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Im in the same situation as your friend. Unfortunately there's nothing more you can do but be there for him when he needs it.
Im at the point now where Im telling people to go away because I just want to be alone.
I don't want to talk. 
I don't want to hang out.
I don't want to eat.
I don't want you to sit beside me. 
Could you stop staring at me. 
I just want to be left alone. 

So seriously, all you can do is be there for him when he needs it.


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## TooBadd (Jun 30, 2011)

Your doing everything fine I couldn't ask for more support. Yep its me, and "Goin' Crazy" seems like an understatment but you and all my other friends are helping tons. And Thanks for showing me this site and letting me know i can make it on my own if I need to. (Im still tring to be postive but its getting really hard). Don't ever think your not helping. It helps (but sorry to say) that Im seeing alot in worse conditions than Im having And those peole seem to be doing better than me. 

Again Thanks for being there when i need you.. your helping tons


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Anything for my pal! 

Text me whenever you need a shoulder to cry on, or feel like you just want to jump off a cliff. Especially the latter! You and them stunt bikes. Sheesh!


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