# Good Dad??



## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I do things like Daddy/Daughter dances, go to my girl's dance classes, take my girls to their gymnastics practices. I take them out to do things. My wife does these things as well with our girls.

Lately, I keep hearing "you are such a great dad!" I am not trying to be condescending, but isn't this what Dad's are supposed to do. There is nothing "great" about spending time with your kids. I figured that it should just be considered normal.

Has our world become so busy that a dad doing things with/for his kids is the mark of being an exception? My parents were not involved with my life much growing up. I never wanted my kids to experience that. But, I don't feel like I do anything extraordinary.

I guess, I just really wonder if we, as a society, have become so busy that doing just the normal things in life has become rare. If that has become the case, what does our society need to do to correct the problem?


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

bbdad said:


> There is nothing "great" about spending time with your kids


You cant be serious



bbdad said:


> I figured that it should just be considered normal
> 
> doing just the normal things in life has become rare


You throw "normal" around clumsily enough to contradict yourself. "Shoulds" are screwy subjective standards that are taught when your defenses are napping. 




bbdad said:


> If that has become the case, what does our society need to do to correct the problem?


It has always been the case and it always will be. If you are up for a crusade, go for it but your daughters will be better served by continuing what you are doing rather than your crusade. Otherwise you will be one of those you question.

Bravo Dad. Except for the goofy ideas about some pathetic crusade. Oh wait that was me. 

Yes your daughters are lucky because it isn't "normal" for all kids. Just the lucky kids. Did you forget the divorce rate is over 50%. Broken homes are "normal" half the time right? Some of those work great but not "normally"

I was standing at Disneyland with my wife and daughter a few years ago and did not see a single dad for 100 feet and saw a thousand moms with their kids. 

Im just rambling.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

bbdad said:


> I do things like Daddy/Daughter dances, go to my girl's dance classes, take my girls to their gymnastics practices. I take them out to do things. My wife does these things as well with our girls.
> 
> Lately, I keep hearing "you are such a great dad!" I am not trying to be condescending, but isn't this what Dad's are supposed to do. There is nothing "great" about spending time with your kids. I figured that it should just be considered normal.
> 
> ...


I don't completely agree with this. I think that in two parent households, fathers are more involved than ever. It wasn't that long ago that the father was expected to provide the income while the mom raised the kids and do the housework. More than ever this is a shared responsibility. More married women not only work but also have careers. More households have two working parents than ever. There is an increasing number of SHADs or fathers who work from home.

I am a very involved dad, more-so than my dad was (although he was involved). Most of the dads I know are also very involved. It depends though ... my youngest daughter plays softball where the dads are more involved than the moms. My oldest daughter is in dance and there the moms are more involved. I'm an exception in that I'm involved in both.

On the flip side, there is also an increasing number of broken homes and an increasing number of single moms. There are areas in my city where there is a desperate need for volunteers to help some of these children that need a father figure in their lives.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It's probably your attitude when you're with your children, vs. the fact that you're with them. Anyone can be a chauffeur, or stick their nose in a laptop or cell phone at gymnastics practice or at a school event.

Attitude makes all the difference.

It could also be that people are just commenting on your parenting, and since you're male, they call you a dad. If they were giving a compliment to a woman, they would call her a good mom.

Just be yourself and don't worry about the qualifiers unless they become negative in nature. You are who you are whether or not someone notices, and labels, and who are they to say anyhow? They might beat their kids and think anyone who picks their kids up at school on time is a good parent. :-o


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I think it is a great thing. I guess it was just a commentary on how our society has become. 

It may vary by geographic area as well. I don't know. I just felt sad for some kids who don't have parents that are involved. I know everyone's situation is different and I am very lucky to do what I can for my kids.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

As a society I think that we have always been "too busy..."

I mean as a western society. Other societies around the world have more built in leisure time, and even when they are busy they are busy as a family.

Having all of the modern conveniences is not necessarily a good thing, especially if we spend our free time with our noses buried in our phones, or preoccupied with what is on TV.

But I agree with you that men do not spend as much time together with their children as they should. Obviously when I say this I am referring to those who I never see at their kids sporting events, or the ones who work all weekend so that they can afford the new boat, or go off fishing and hunting alone, etc. etc.

Accept the compliments and feel good about what you doing. I did the same thing and still wish that I had done more. BTW - I was divorced but managed to see my kids almost every day.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

bbdad said:


> Lately, I keep hearing "you are such a great dad!" I am not trying to be condescending, but isn't this what Dad's are supposed to do. There is nothing "great" about spending time with your kids. I figured that it should just be considered normal.


I think I get you here.

It's like " majoring in a minor " and bestowing honors om it.

Every parent, male or female is supposed to spend quality time with their kids. 
Society no longer see real , physical human interactions as necessary , because electronic communications like texting , instant messaging etc has replaced it.

Hence any parent who makes the effort to spend physical contact time with their loved ones , is viewed as "_ great_ " or " _awesome_ " or " _exceptional_" ,when in reality , it should be have been the norm.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

And, yes, it is swimming against the cultural tide. Your supposed to be consuming way beyond your means. Thus both parents are supposed to be working three jobs, leaving no time for all that cute "family stuff". It sounds like you're just not doing your part...


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

As usual CM, you get exactly what I was meaning.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My ex-husband has spent more time with our son since we divorced 8 months ago than he did in the child's previous 13 years combined. And he still blows off the times he's supposed to have our son occasionally. Like many aspects of adult life, he doesn't think day-to-day parenting is really his responsibility, so he views it as an option rather than a priority. He's always known that I was there to do the real "work" of parenting, and he took full advantage of the knowledge that I wouldn't allow our child to suffer just because his father couldn't be bothered. So he only showed up for the fun stuff if he didn't have anything better to do at the time, and left everything else entirely up to me. 

Some people are like that. No, being an engaged parent shouldn't be a novelty or the exception. But, sadly, it often is.


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