# Porn addiction help??



## Lonesomedove (Apr 25, 2011)

My husband and i have been married for 6 years. At first we had sex like crazy. Now we dont have sex at all. But he told me he has been unhappy for such a long time. He tells me he doesnt care about my feelings and if i dont like that to bad. he said he only looking out for him now cause he is stressed at work and from us. We decided on Friday night to seperate. i mean i want the relationship to work and if he actually started to try im sure we could. My mom thinks he is confused and mayeb he is i dont know. Here lately he watches porn like every night. i dont know if he w**ks every night but i know he watches it esp asian porn. he also added asian escorts to his twitter page he said only for fun he wouldnt actually pay for one. i know he likes his coworker whom he thinks is hot and really good friends with she is asian too. but he told me he should worry about me cheating cause i have a bigger sex drive then him and that sex isnt importnat to him and he doesnt need it. but yet he can watch porn every night....i know i have pushed him away but the last 4 years have been hell, with how he talks to me and treats me and i tried for soooo long to explain his actions and his lying made me the way i was with questioning him and worried about if he is going to leave me or cheat on me. i dont know what he wants and we didnt go to second session of marriage counselling cause he said he doesnt think that will change his mind on how he feels. i tried so hard to please him, gave him his fantasies i was just insecure and jealous. with regards to porn he did watch it before and he also once went on porn chat with a female which ruined my trust in him. but now its every night and only when im away or sleeping he goes on it. does porn ruin relationships? we have to live together for a while do you think he might change his mind if he sees i am trying and working on myself for my insecurities? im giving him space now and not interogating him and yes i still worry but i love him and wwant us to work and be happy again i would love to have him in my life i dont know why sometimes cause he doesnt care about my feelings or treats me the best lately but i am hoping if we can try and be friends again that will make him love me again and treat me better.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

If he treats you badly, told you he didn't care about your feelings, prefers porn to you and refuses to go to counseling, I really don't understand HOW you still want things to work out. I also don't understand what you LOVE about him. You need to be walking away rather than trying to hold onto him for dear life.

Please explain.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Oh hun maybe if you had some self esteem you would then see you are above this and deserve better.


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## Lonesomedove (Apr 25, 2011)

we did have a goof happy life before all this. it all starting going down hill when we moved to this area and new job and the single female asian co worker thing happened. We used to tell each other i would be nothing without you and i need you always yes we both have been unhappy for a while but we needed communication and to try harder. But he had given up i know he really stressed at work and shuts down when he cant handle it and thats what im hoping is happeneing and why he is different. He used to be a sweet heart and loving and holding me. i was bad and checked his phone behind his back and was questioning his friendship with this coworker all because we were having trouble and i was jeloaus that he thought she was hot and fantasised about her and treated her better than me. he said he did that because i was a jealouse freak and i made him distant by questioning and not trusting him so he was happier at work with her cause it was fun, about work no nagging etc. i started trying harder and he gave up totally. now we seperated but living in same place. he said he will try and be civil towards me and i asked him do u think he will ever change his mind he said he doesnt know, he cant predict the future and doesnt want to give me false hope cause he doesnt know. i just feel lost without him, my world is crashing cause i revolved my whole life with him.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Of course your world is crashing down around you, you have been betrayed by the person who once claimed to love you. I'm sorry you're hurting and going through all of this. Separation is best for now, so maybe you can get your head clear.


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## Lonesomedove (Apr 25, 2011)

thing is with seperation we not really seperating we have to live in same house for a while due to finances. so he not getting the feeling of what it would be like without me and im in pain cause i see him everyday and miss holding him and wondering if he going to sleep with other people while we go through this faze. i am trying to do things on my own going out but i have no friends and neither does he really except that single co worker whom he adores. he addicted to porn but says he not interested in sex it makes no sense. so i have joined social groups to go out with but i just dont feel motivated to go out really  my family lives far away and i cant stay with them or i cant get to work. its such a hard situation im in. i really dont know if he lost and i might get him back or if he truly never did love me and just doesnt care and rather be alone. i hate this feeling... i feel sick, dizzy, tired and alone.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

IMO its not really a separation if you both are living the the same house. That is just mental torture for you to live in the same house knowing he feels the way he does about you, possibly seeing another woman on the side and having this porn addiction too! Your best bet is to leave and go back with your family for awhile. Can you not let them know whats going on? Can they help you out be sending you some money to come back out to where they are until you can get on your feet?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Lonesomedove said:


> thing is with seperation we not really seperating we have to live in same house for a while due to finances. so he not getting the feeling of what it would be like without me and im in pain cause i see him everyday and miss holding him and wondering if he going to sleep with other people while we go through this faze. i am trying to do things on my own going out but i have no friends and neither does he really except that single co worker whom he adores. he addicted to porn but says he not interested in sex it makes no sense. so i have joined social groups to go out with but i just dont feel motivated to go out really  my family lives far away and i cant stay with them or i cant get to work. its such a hard situation im in. i really dont know if he lost and i might get him back or if he truly never did love me and just doesnt care and rather be alone. i hate this feeling... i feel sick, dizzy, tired and alone.


IMO he needs to move out. Plain and simple. He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too... living with you and openly disrespecting you is wrong and you shouldn't be allowing him to get away with that. If it were me, he'd be getting a 30 day notice to get out, and if necessary he'd be removed by the local authorities.

He's done with you. I'm sorry it's this way, but he's moved on, both physically and emotionally. Maybe he'll come back around, but I wouldn't count on it. You need to stop focusing on him and what you had and think about where you are now and what moves you need to make next to get away from him. Staying is making you a basketcase.

You need family support, and if you can't pay the bills on your own in that place, move back to your hometown. These are the options you have in front of you because you can't control him or what he does. You can't make him love you, you can't make him talk to you, you can't make him want you again.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

A Bit Much said:


> IMO he needs to move out. Plain and simple. He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too... living with you and openly disrespecting you is wrong and you shouldn't be allowing him to get away with that. If it were me, he'd be getting a 30 day notice to get out, and if necessary he'd be removed by the local authorities.
> 
> He's done with you. I'm sorry it's this way, but he's moved on, both physically and emotionally. Maybe he'll come back around, but I wouldn't count on it. You need to stop focusing on him and what you had and think about where you are now and what moves you need to make next to get away from him. Staying is making you a basketcase.
> 
> You need family support, and if you can't pay the bills on your own in that place, move back to your hometown. These are the options you have in front of you because you can't control him or what he does. You can't make him love you, you can't make him talk to you, you can't make him want you again.


remember theres two sides to every story.and we are only hearing one side and she her self has indicated that she was driving him away.

as far as haveing him removed I don't think you can do that unless he was physicaly abusive he has just as much right to where they live as her.



But It dose seem like his treatment is questionable if he is not activly trying in this relationship then I would comunicate that unless he starts putting good faith effort into this relationship then you are going to start youe exit plan and the first step will be seeing a lawyer.


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## Lonesomedove (Apr 25, 2011)

That is true there are 2 sides i would go through it all but its way to long, you can read other posts by me to get whole story. for one he is not techniacally cheating maybe emotionally but not physical. he always at home after work and i drive home with him from work and he doesnt have friends to go out with so he stays home on weekends. Yes i was insecure and negative all the time and interogating him with questions about his friendship with single co worker and i was checking his phone behind his back and he found out i didnt trust him because of past. We didnt have communication either he would always shut down. i would say something and sometimes comes out wrong and it would start a fight. i think what his problem is he wants this co worker real bad and he taking it out on me that he cant have her. i dont know if she wants him, but she has been trying to help us mend our marriage but i dont know she a hard one to read. i just wish we had better commuincation and he would give marriage counselling another go we only went to one and he did say he wanted to try to counsellor but his actions that week have been dreadful and mean to me. He was snappy, getting easily frsutrated over anything i did or said. im just hoping he realises that even if he did date her or anyone that its not that easy you cant live a single life and be in a realtionship. he would get mad that i was upset that he was looking at facebook profiles of woman, watching porn and delting history, lying to me, hiding things was ok. he sees happiness now with co worker cause there is no conflict at the moment. but anyway thats a whole new story. if you want full story read other posts i have plz.
thanks


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

I also think he is done. As for the porn. No, its not an addiction. Its a fantasy and an escape. The guy has a stressful work day, and when he comes home, he has to deal with a failed marriage and a stressful home life. Its simply a barrier that he can put up to keep you away from him and to drown out the noise that is his life. 

As for the question of not interested in sex but drowning in porn. Please don't take this personally. He wants sex, just not with you. Its difficult to want sex from someone you really don't like.

I believe that one of you should move out. Get some distance between you. That will depressurize the situation and give the much needed breathing room needed to form some perspective.

Removing the stress is the only way for the rebuilding process to begin


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## Lonesomedove (Apr 25, 2011)

well to be fair yes i think he is done with me to. But he was loving and affectionate before he met his single coworker. He kept telling me he would be nothing without me. he has no friends either except her now. He thinks she is hot and fantasises behind closed doors i dont think they would get along very well in a realtionship. She can be a ***** and not care about anyones feelings to be fair. as soon as i backed off and we went to marriage counselling is when he fully shut down too. i was for the last 4 months backing off giving him space. i didnt even argue back or say anything when he was rude to me. i never cared that he watched porn i just wanted sex now and then. He got depressed 4 yrs ago and since then our marriage went down hill. the only few thing i complained about was his facebook profile looking, watching porn behind my back and deleting it(sneaking basically) if he did it without me just tell me look i watched porn last night no biggie. he was once in a while snappy ut see i took all his crap for 4 yrs and he decides to give up on me over jealousy and insecure because he was being a **** and not caring then really about my feelings to much. i just keep the good memories and am still hoding on to those really i guess. miss the laughing and fun. but i guess as you all state that its over for him and i cant do anything but move on. I cant move with family cause i need my job its important to me. i can try and move out but as he said to me we both dont have the money to move out yet. im not going to leave him in a bind either cause he said he wouldnt do it to me. that is why im joining social groups to try and get out and meet new ppl. but its the motivation really. im so tried. so he not addicted to porn he just wants sex just not with me. but he doesnt go out and he says sex is not important to him. i dont know its all so hard.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

Lonesomedove said:


> well to be fair yes i think he is done with me to. But he was loving and affectionate before he met his single coworker. He kept telling me he would be nothing without me. he has no friends either except her now. He thinks she is hot and fantasises behind closed doors i dont think they would get along very well in a realtionship. She can be a ***** and not care about anyones feelings to be fair. as soon as i backed off and we went to marriage counselling is when he fully shut down too. i was for the last 4 months backing off giving him space. i didnt even argue back or say anything when he was rude to me. i never cared that he watched porn i just wanted sex now and then. He got depressed 4 yrs ago and since then our marriage went down hill. the only few thing i complained about was his facebook profile looking, watching porn behind my back and deleting it(sneaking basically) if he did it without me just tell me look i watched porn last night no biggie. he was once in a while snappy ut see i took all his crap for 4 yrs and he decides to give up on me over jealousy and insecure because he was being a **** and not caring then really about my feelings to much. i just keep the good memories and am still hoding on to those really i guess. miss the laughing and fun. but i guess as you all state that its over for him and i cant do anything but move on. I cant move with family cause i need my job its important to me. i can try and move out but as he said to me we both dont have the money to move out yet. im not going to leave him in a bind either cause he said he wouldnt do it to me. that is why im joining social groups to try and get out and meet new ppl. but its the motivation really. im so tried. so he not addicted to porn he just wants sex just not with me. but he doesnt go out and he says sex is not important to him. i dont know its all so hard.


You come across as very sad. I'm sorry that its not working out for you.


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