# sex slowed down last few years



## edessa (Aug 31, 2009)

I have been marreid for 7 years and the sex has slowed down alot. It's down to about once a month to once a month and a half. My wife knew something has been bothering me lately and asked me what's up. I told her that I 'm not happy with our sex life and something needs to change. I asked her if it was me. I lost weight (6' 3" 250 down to 230 and counting) cut my hair (used to be long) and look more professional. She said that it's all her and that she just about lost all desire but enjoys it when we do have sex. It has gotten better since we talked but I am afraid that it wont last. Only time can tell. The other thing that I let her know is that I dont want her to have sex with me just to make me happpy. I would like for here to want it too.
Thanks for letting me vent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

edessa said:


> She said that it's all her and that she just about lost all desire but enjoys it when we do have sex.



:scratchhead:

well i dont understand that at all


----------



## CarolineMRF (Sep 2, 2009)

How old is she....


----------



## edessa (Aug 31, 2009)

She just turned 40 and I am 35. We have a 3&1/2 year old. For those that do not understand, I think sex is a big part of a relationship. I do not want to be part of a relationship if the sex is non existant. I will not cheat on her. I rather ask for a seperation or divorce as a last resort. I guess talking to her about it is good. Things are a little better but like I said how long will it last? It seems from reading other posts, it's hard for a relationship to get past the limited or no sex issue for what ever reason and that scares me. I am not looking for advise per say, and I will appriciate it if I get it, but just for a place to vent. Just typing this is helping to get it off my chest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

edessa said:


> She just turned 40 and I am 35. We have a 3&1/2 year old. For those that do not understand, I think sex is a big part of a relationship. I do not want to be part of a relationship if the sex is non existant. I will not cheat on her. I rather ask for a seperation or divorce as a last resort. I guess talking to her about it is good. Things are a little better but like I said how long will it last? It seems from reading other posts, it's hard for a relationship to get past the limited or no sex issue for what ever reason and that scares me. I am not looking for advise per say, and I will appriciate it if I get it, but just for a place to vent. Just typing this is helping to get it off my chest.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



my lack of understanding comes from what you said she said, she likes sex when you have it, but she has no desire


----------



## edessa (Aug 31, 2009)

okeydokie said:


> my lack of understanding comes from what you said she said, she likes sex when you have it, but she has no desire


 I have to ask for it for us to have it. She never asks for it. She never gets turned on. Only after I ask for and start the forplay does she get turned on. I can't understand why she never gets turned on without me having to ask and do anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lizzie60 (Sep 13, 2009)

Okey... it's quite simple really.... she likes it when it happens... when HE initiates it.. she won't... or rarely I suppose.

Her desire has died... and I think this is NOT good.. 

Have a VERY serious talk with her.. and tell her that if she doesn't do her part of the 'deal' (marriage is a two-way deal) that you will : 1) get it outside 2) divorce.

A looooot of men in your situation just decide to have affairs.. especially when they have kids.. it's so much simpler, less stress at home.. you don,t lose your kids.. your comfortable life, etc... 

No sex from her part = cheating you.. IMO...


----------



## Lizzie60 (Sep 13, 2009)

She has lost all sexual desire for you... btdt... I was in HER shoes many years ago (with my first ex)... I could go forever without sex with him.. everything else was great.. we never fought except for the sex.. we were good parents.. had a good comfortable life (financially, etc.)

She likes you.. she just fell out of 'love' with you.. simple as that.. sorry if I'm harsh.. but it is what it is..


----------



## CarolineMRF (Sep 2, 2009)

Frequent sex begets more frequent sex...The more her sexual parts are kept stimulated, the more she will want it...I think you will find as she ages that she will change...However in the meantime, do what you are doing...It is not that she doesn't love you, it's that she does not have the same sexual hunger for you, at this particular time in her life, as you do for her...That is until she gets turned on and ready to go...Tell her how much that you want her and need her love...You are not wrong...I think we sexes go in different age sequences as far as asking the other for sex....My husband used to be like you....Now I find that I am the leader of the pack a good deal of the time...He loves it...He says this is because he pestered me for years and now it is my turn to come and get him....So what to do?...I go and get him....Not to worry as long as she is getting hot...Have fun...Life is far too short....


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I decided that I would be ok if I always had to be the one to ask for it. BUT - I was only ok because 
1. We agreed on average weekly expectations for frequency, AND 
2. We agreed that when asked for sex you can say (A) yes or (B) Lets rock each others worlds tomorrow. But when tomorrow comes, you deliver.
AND
3. Quality of sex is GREAT - as good/better then when we dated

But NONE of this happened accidentally. I asked for all of it and in the process did a few non sexual things she wanted that made her desire level higher. 







edessa said:


> I have to ask for it for us to have it. She never asks for it. She never gets turned on. Only after I ask for and start the forplay does she get turned on. I can't understand why she never gets turned on without me having to ask and do anything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Lizzie60 said:


> Okey... it's quite simple really.... she likes it when it happens... when HE initiates it.. she won't... or rarely I suppose.



yes, that part i understand, the part that i dont understand is why, if you like something (and she knows she likes it) wouldnt you seek it out more. thats a basic human function, "i like golf so i seek it out", "i like shopping so i seek it out", "i like sex but i dont want it"? doesnt make sense to me


----------



## Lizzie60 (Sep 13, 2009)

Well .. methink she doesn't like it as much as she says she likes it.. she could be lying just to not hurt his feeling.. 

That's what I think she's doing.. I could be wrong..


----------



## CarolineMRF (Sep 2, 2009)

Either the male or female sexual organs will become rather useless if they are not kept stimulated...The woman will dry up and the man will just become complacent....Like they are each entering a new asexual time in their life....Sex slows down only if you let it slow down...Either that, or we are on some other road in life....


----------

