# Feeling...Numb



## JustCan'tDeal (Feb 24, 2012)

Hi everyone. Just wanted to vent some if you don't mind listening...

I found out in January of this year that my H was having an EA with someone he and I game with online (OW is also married btw). Anyway, since then we have talked and are trying to work things out. He has admitted that he was wrong and does have remorse for what he has done and apologizes constantly for doing what he did. I do have to say that things have been better and he seems happier.

The problem I am having is that I feel...nothing. At first I did all the wrong things by showing too much emotion and being insecure and crying all the time...etc. Everything you are not supposed to do, I did. Now I just don't feel anything at all. I know that I still love him and want my marriage to work but what is this? Over the past few days I have been letting go of the scared and nervous feelings and realized that I will be fine with or without him. I am not walking around like a zombie or anything, I just don't feel any strong emotions right now. Is this normal? Has this happened to anyone else before?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

detachment is a emotional defense mechanism and it actually is helpful in some cases

perhaps now you can be more objective in what you actually want instead of instinctually fighting for your life


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## JustCan'tDeal (Feb 24, 2012)

Thank you. I think I may finally be coming to terms with the fact that my life, as I knew it, is in fact over. I wanted so much for things to go back to "normal" at first but now I know that I will not go back. Why would I want to? I'm sorry, I don't even know what I am saying anymore...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I've been there I know

the question shouldn't be if you want it back

the question should be is it worth it to get something different and will it be better or worse than what you had before the affair- because you will never get that back


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Our emotions when youi go through something like this take predictable paths. I went from anger, to depresion to anger to just being numb, after this I started feeling better about myself and more resolved about how I needed to take care of myself and what I needed to do.

You are on a path. Do you have someone you are talking this out with? I hope yoiu do and If you are trying to R then you both should be in MC. 

I


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## JustCan'tDeal (Feb 24, 2012)

Thanks to you both. No, I do not have anyone to talk to right now. I feel like I cannot tell anyone what is going on...I don't really want anyone to know until I have decided what to do. We are currently trying to R but I wonder if I made a hasty decision in the heat of the moment. At the time I said it, I did really mean it but now I am second guessing myself. The question that keeps bugging me is, do I really want to be with someone who when the going gets tough, turns to someone else? I don't know. I am a little angry today. Hey, at least I feel something today so I guess that is a plus.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

I totally get where you are coming from. If you want to talk more about it, send me an email. I have been riding a roller coaster since December, only to find out that I really have been on the down slope the entire time. Now I am coming into the gate, holding steady, and feeling numb, but good about myself. I no longer feel pathetic, lost, scared....have actually said a lot over the last 2 weeks. We are on the 3rd time of zero contact.....you can see why I am numb at this point....8 days as far as I know. This is the last and final chance for us. I pray that he can make it and so can I.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

okay

so you have all of the requirements of a good R
NC-check
transparency- check
remorse- check


but the thing most posters don't tell you is there is more to rebuilding the marriage than healing from the affair

You need to rebond as well
you need to find common interests and find intimacy again

I highly recommend spending 10-15 hours of alone time a week with each other- and not just watching TV. Actual activities, talking, dinners, dates, hobbies, etc


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

You are saying he has shown remorse. You are still with him and you both are trying to do R.

Give him some time.

I think you have become "Withdrawn" in this relationship while he is in.

This feeling of withdrawn stems from your background. Try to look at this. 

You should discuss this with a therapist. Also see what you can discuss with your H.

Take care.


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