# meltdown.



## Unsure123 (Aug 10, 2012)

Husband is meeting with his lawyer today to pay for an start the paperwork. I thought I was holding up ok, but I am have major mood swings. Anger, sadness, regret. How can someone who has been such a uncaring jerk make me feel this way? it's like him having this meeting is making it real for me. I have been holding out hope for a reconciliation. Been also trying the 180. which seems to have helped calm me. I just don't understand. Says he still loves me, just doesn't want to be my husband anymore.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Unsure123 said:


> Husband is meeting with his lawyer today to pay for an start the paperwork. I thought I was holding up ok, but I am have major mood swings. Anger, sadness, regret. How can someone who has been such a uncaring jerk make me feel this way? it's like him having this meeting is making it real for me. I have been holding out hope for a reconciliation. Been also trying the 180. which seems to have helped calm me. I just don't understand. Says he still loves me, just doesn't want to be my husband anymore.


Is he involved with posOW?


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## Unsure123 (Aug 10, 2012)

No cheating on either side.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Unsure123 said:


> No cheating on either side.


Are you certain?

What happened as things started falling apart?


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## Unsure123 (Aug 10, 2012)

He says he wants to remain friends. Also tried to say he wanted to keep sleeping with me and date me after divorce. I nixed that tho. He has an addiction to sex, which he admits to. He won't seek help. I have tried. I go from hating him to loving him. we have been married 10years, have 3 kids together. Feel like my world is falling apart.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

of course you're having mood swings - it's not just the loss of the jerk that causes it, it's the loss of everything you've known for however many years. 

particularly when there appears to be no good reason for it - my ex told me he still loved me too, turns out he had another woman all along. He just didn't have the bottle to tell the truth

has he given any indication that he might be interested in reconciling? If not you really need to try and move on, remember you are no-one's second best, you deserve to have someone who is wholeheartedly into you


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

sorry I didn't see yr post above - got to be honest I would be suspicious if I were you


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## Unsure123 (Aug 10, 2012)

I have heard that before. Just hope that's not the case, and if it is he needs to be a man an own up to it.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

stages of grief are rough. I am sorry you are going through this. Try to focus on you and your children and take care of you.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

the only reason I say it is because my ex was so adamant he still loved me but refused point blank to even try and work it out and stay married. I just couldn't work out why...if you love someone and you've been together 13 years is that not worth at least making some effort? Not when you've met someone else it isn't...

I really hope that isn't the case for you


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## Unsure123 (Aug 10, 2012)

I hope not either. Everything just seems to be moving so fast. we just decided to split two days before thanksgiving. He not giving me many reasons. just that he is unhappy. I was raised that there is nothing you can't work out.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

yeah me too - my ex left on 1 March, he came back for one day on 6 March and then left for good
I filed for divorce three weeks later - he didn't try to stop it once, despite the speed. That's when I knew something was up. He still denies it to this day, but I found TAM and I know he's lying through his teeth. He still doesn't want to be the bad guy even though i've told him I know. He'd just rather lie

I deserved more than that - so do you. My ex was the sort that if he didn't want to talk about he he just wouldn't, you can't get blood out of a stone so I thought 'screw you' frankly. You can't force them to do anything they don't want to do, so you have to work on yourself instead


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## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

This sounds like he wants his needs metbut doesn't care about how his behavior impacts or effects you. My stbxw is the same way. Doesn't want to pay for anything she doesn't have to, wants to car pool to mediation as we file because she doesnt have the money she says for gas whiich is bs, doesnt want to work more than a few days a week waiting tables, blames me for everything, never says sorry no matter indignant she is, uses emotional blackmail in the form of threats and guilt to get me to comply to her wishes, threatened to evict me, lies constantly, projects, gas lighting meaning she makes reality out to be something its not, or that she put net dating profiles up 3 days after she moved out 2 weeks after she said she wanted a separation, never told me she was dating others, on and on but won't work more because she sees no point in getting short time work or w/e, scapegoats me as an excuse to people we know to justify her behavior, tried to bilk me out of cash by letting her new roommate try and guilt me into giving more cash for things like taking shelves down in their house for her to move in . . . On and on. 

He only cares about him, she only cares about her. It took me a lot of courage to finally say no more to her, no more money or paying her bills, no more psychological war, I call her on it all. Example, I ask her on the phone to call if she is free to say hi to our daughter who is missing her and she tells me I'm trying to manipulate her and make her feel guilty, no, I'm just asking if she can call and say hi, which she does now almost nightly, we have 50/50 but she had to get her dig in. She is so oblivious and plays the victim 100% of the time

It took great strength and reading books about emotional blackmail and narcissism to understand how to read through the fog of mental and emotional abuse/turmoil to get me to say no, stop seeing her in her historical role, I am more in love with the idea of having a loving family not in love with this person who I had a child with, a child that means the world over to me, the most precious of all things. I'm now an excellent single father which was an easy transition since I was already a superb dad, buti had to learn a lot in a short period of time, especially how to cope with my feelings about being away from my daughter

GL stop thinking about him and think about yourself, your needs, that's what he is doing, action follows cognition, once you start thinking it you will start doing it


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