# Getting through the final stages (or is there still more?)



## nexgen (Mar 6, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showthread.php?t=44027

Some of you may have read my thread in the coping with infidelity section. The jist if it is that 2012 has been a year full of huge change, loss, learning, and emotional upheaval. This came to what I now see is the inevitable conclusion.....divorce. I never wanted any of this, and have been trying to play well the cards i was dealt the best u know how. She is in the process of moving into her new place as we speak. I have been trying to stay strong for myself and for our kids, but seeing places where things used to be that are now bare is a constant reminder of me watching a major part of my life evaporate befire my eyes. I thought i had already went through the grieving process, but it is obvious to me now that i havent finished... this part seems like the hardest part as i watch it all become painfully real. I just want this feeling if being discarded, of not being good enough to keep around in her eyes, to pass. 

I just ask you, my support system to bless me with your prayers, guidance, and advise on how to get through this transition without losing a major part of myself and to get back to a pace where I can feel like i can once again be useful to someone else.

Thanks all for bring there. This place has always been reliable and I'm grateful that you are all here.

Rob


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

It will get better day by day Nexgen.

And by the way you were not discarded. She's a coward and ran away from her only hope for true happiness. She's running after an illusion.... a fantasy that will not last. 

The Great Circle of Dumbassedness will turn and she will reap the dumbass consequences for what she has done. 

Be patient, stay true to yourself and your children, be the best person you can be, and watch as your STBXW crashes and burns.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Welcome, Rob. I am sorry to meet you under these circumstances, but glad you are here for the help you need. We are all going through it, and are much better off doing it together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

MyselfAgain said:


> Welcome, Rob. I am sorry to meet you under these circumstances, but glad you are here for the help you need. We are all going through it, and are much better off doing it together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_












Seriously...this place will help...and it gets better each day. Some more than others.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

wiigirl said:


> Seriously...this place will help...and it gets better each day. Some more than others.


Hi rob, here with you too & hurting badly, anything or anytime you need to talk or express those emotions I'm here for you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nexgen (Mar 6, 2012)

Thanks all for the kind words. Bandit, dumbassedness, lol, ill have to remember that one.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Hi Rob, 

I'm in the same spot, I guess. My husband will be filing soon and has been slowly cleaning out some of his belongings. I expect he will be taking more once he finds a place of his own (he's been living with family for the last year). 

He told me recently that it is infact over and there is no hope for R. That was heartbreaking to hear and the grief seemed to start all over again. I feel like I'm back to where I was last year when he left.

I'm going by what everyone here says that it will get better, it just takes time. We've been together for almost 30 years, so I'm expecting that I'll be hurting for a long time coming.

Keep posting here, these people have been a great help.


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## cardinals_fan (Apr 20, 2012)

Same boat here. I didnt want this either, but I had to move on. It does get better. Some people it takes longer than others. Dont ever think that you are not good enough!!! That for me was one thing I did for a while, and then one day, it clicked. I was a great husband and I am a GREAT father!! Think of some of your great traits and write them down. Someone on here told me to do that, and I did. I read them every night before I go to bed and every morning when I wake up. That helps me realize what a great father I am and someone would be thankful to have someone like me. You cant keep yourself down for something someone else did to you. Keep your head up and it does get better, MUCH better.


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## nexgen (Mar 6, 2012)

Man I hope so. I'm doing okay for the most part, but I still find myself dwelling on it; she left me, she hurt me over and over, and it doesn't seem to phase her. I dont like being alone, I chose to have a companion, but that has been taken away.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Wait , ... who had the affair here ? nexgen right ? and she the one in an illusion ? She’s running away from true happiness ? Unless i missed something , i think she has every right to give of her love again or not . 

Correct me if i’m wrong, if it was nexgen wife who wander ... 

~sammy


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## nexgen (Mar 6, 2012)

Sammy my WIFE had an EA that turned into a PA. Feel free to click the link to my thread about it in my OP, that should clear things up for you.....


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## cardinals_fan (Apr 20, 2012)

nexgen said:


> Man I hope so. I'm doing okay for the most part, but I still find myself dwelling on it; she left me, she hurt me over and over, and it doesn't seem to phase her. I dont like being alone, I chose to have a companion, but that has been taken away.


I know exactly how you are feeling. Trust me though, it does get better. Like I said, one day its gonna click, and you're gonna look back at all those days and think to yourself why did I put myself through all of this. The day it click for me was when she asked me to come over for dinner. We had a very good dinner, no major arguments, the kids were happy. When I left there I felt really good. I woke up early the next day and for some reason, something inside of me told me to look at the cell phone records. And there it was. I wasnt even out the door and she text him, and then talked to him for well over an hour. That was the day I knew, and I havent look back since. I cant keep saying it enough to you, dont beat yourself up for something that YOU could not control. She choose the path she went down, NOT you!! You cant control what someone else does. PLEASE remember that.


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## nexgen (Mar 6, 2012)

I'm getting there one day at a time. thanks for the words of encouragement.


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## nexgen (Mar 6, 2012)

Having one of those days, so I decided to look here again. Just what I needed.


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