# I make the $$$, should i have to ask to spend $



## skoloco (May 10, 2010)

I bring home the bread. My paychecks more than cover the bills. I also make some cash on the side, tips, kickbacks, etc. Should I need her permission to make purchases, say, under $100, for stuff like new scooters for the kids, or a new bike part for my bmx bike which is my sports/ activity? She stays at home and controls the kids.....


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

You should both treat the money equally. And yes there should be a dollar amount - above which you discuss the item before it is bought. For us - anything over 300.00 gets discussed first.





skoloco said:


> I bring home the bread. My paychecks more than cover the bills. I also make some cash on the side, tips, kickbacks, etc. Should I need her permission to make purchases, say, under $100, for stuff like new scooters for the kids, or a new bike part for my bmx bike which is my sports/ activity? She stays at home and controls the kids.....


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

Emphatically yes. That money is not yours alone, it belongs equally to both of you. We talk to each other before we buy anything above $50.


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## skoloco (May 10, 2010)

$50 or $100 sounds reasonable, she wants me to discuss anything over $10 with her, yet she went and spent $30 on dinner for herself while i was at work, and doesnt think that applies because i eat out all the time, i work 24 hour shifts on the road. I dont have the option of eating at home. i would never spend more than 10 on fast food anyways. Also I dont have to work as much as i do, about 72 hrs a week, so we can have nice things, i guess i just dont want to be knocked for buying my kids scooters so i can do something interactive w them, thats all.


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## Anooniemouse (May 5, 2010)

We have a little higher limit for that, $1000, but typically anything above $500 gets discussed as a matter of courtesy. If we consider it a major purchase, it gets talked about. Ultimately, I have the final say, but I don't like to have to exercise that. 

Maybe its not the dollar amount, but the what it is that is causing her to have an issue? In general, women have a tendency to be a little more overprotective of kids. Something like a scooter, maybe she is thinking they will get hurt on them? Or maybe the purchase undermined something she was trying to teach the kids? (Such as ...We'll talk about it when you do XXX and XXX without an argument?)


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## mom2threekiddos (May 19, 2010)

For us, we both talk it over as to what we are getting the kids toy wise. Now if its food, we dont have to discuss those matters. But when its a high dollar amount, we both discuss it.


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## gtull1 (May 30, 2010)

Trivial amounts? No. Serious amounts? Yes, or at least talk it over first.


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## bonbon13 (May 26, 2010)

If your wife is the one paying the bills it just may be a control thing. Unfortunately, I tend to be the same way. We both work, but I take care of all the bills, but our money is tight, so there is not a lot of room for spending. I expect to be consulted if H is going to spend more than say $25.00. I would think it would depend on how tight your money situation is and whether your wife needs to feel in control.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

First you said she wants you to ask permission for things under $100 then you said over $10, which is it? You guys should work out an agreement and if you harp on being the breadwinner you're only asking for trouble. Once you said I do that became both of your money.


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## galaxy (Jun 14, 2010)

You have kids and she does not work. So you should have some kind of control over your expenses. It is a good idea to set aside an agreed amount for your own expenses, without explanation.


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## beeberbean (Aug 19, 2010)

i think if it is money that could e spent but on a decent budget and you know therei s still someaht saved somewhere just in case i dont see the big deal of something that not out of the water expensive.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

It is good to see that yes, on some agreed amount is good to discuss, as two individuals spending a little here and there always will be adding up. Academic economics, sure. But what is the real issue, for some small purchase even so for the kids, and not on a beer or something? 

A woman is testing her man, that is nothing less. Do not miss this!

But to speak to your point, just this, I will every now and then spend something without permission to say, to see just how quickly my wife will confront me on it (and she will most times!)

And yes she may get mad, and maybe I will defend some purchase, maybe not, but the point is just this, when she sees me doing something a little unpredictable, and maybe even something she is not agreeing at first, to see me calmly and most important is this...
HONESTLY willing to be standing up for myself, well that is the point.

So even so let me say in my own marriage, just the opposite of this being "upset" instead I LOOK FORWARD to every month or so spending some money absolutley "without permission" (again some reasonable amount, less than $200 let's just say) just to put myself in this scenario, to be able to stand up for myself.

Because as I have beaten this drum over and over and over, when a man is willing to confront his woman and stand for himself, even the details are not so much important, it shows his woman that she is in love with a man not a mouse, and this increases, lets say instead skyrockets, her respect for her man.

And with respect also flows sexual actraction and emotoinal connection. As witout saying, the times I am willing to stand up for myself are also the times my woman seems free to take the initiative to start something sexual or provocative.

Instead imagine the misery and resentment if I lived my life in fear of making my woman angry, to miss all these opportunities to stand toe to toe with her and let her experience the thrill of confrontation, this friction that is often the spark of sexual attraction. Do not miss this!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

My boyfriend makes the money, but because I'm the one that physically pays the bills each month, yes I do expect him to...not get permission, but to check in with me before he spends money. He is a truck driver, he gets about $150 a week to use on the road: food, drinks, cigarettes, little things he might want to pick up, whatever. That's his to spend however he sees fit. If he has some leftover and wants to save it for something...fine. Anything over and above that $150 each week, yes, I do expect him to check with me. Depending on the time of the month, what his paychecks have been, and what month it is, we may have bills due that I just can't spare anything for anything else. I won't just give him a flat no, if I can help it. I'll tell him we can't do it this week because X, X, and X are due, but if he can wait until next week, and his paycheck is decent, we should be able to do it then. 

Our situation is somewhat different, because he's on the road and not physically here. But even if he were here, yes, I would expect him to check in with me. If he were here, I'd say I'd want him to check in with me on anything over....say, $20 that isn't a necessity. (Meaning if he needs a special wrench to fix the truck , and the truck is the only way to get to and from work, yeah, go buy it. But to buy a new stereo for it when the one in it works just fine...check first.) But then again, our money situation is super tight right now, too, so if we had more money that limit might be higher. 

However, I also have to say that when it comes to the kids, one parent should never make a purchase like a new scooter without consulting the other parent. Aside from concerns about their safety, perhaps she wanted to save a gift like that for a birthday or Christmas, or perhaps she'd worked a deal with them that they would earn a gift like that by doing certain things. And then you came in and totally flipped all that. My boyfriend and I both understand that little things here and there for the kids without discussion is fine. For me to pick them up a small something at Walmart for good grades or for behaving in the grocery store is cool; for him to see a little something in a truck stop and say, "oh, they would love that!" and pick it up is also cool. For him to see a dirt bike and get it for them without talking to me...WW3 would happen in our home. Same if I did it. It's about respect, courtesy, and showing a united front to the kids. If they figure out (or think they figure out) that one parent has all the real authority, and that said parent will get them what they want, they'll use that to full advantage.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

When you got married, "mine" and "hers" ceased to exist. Your wife deserves respect because she's your wife and a human being, not based on salary. Next year, she might earn more money than you.
Asking for permission to spend money implies that one person is the boss and the other is subservient. That's unhealthy in a marriage, IMO. Ideally, both should have limited discretionary spending money and agree to discuss any purchase that exceeds that amount. That's not asking permission, that's just two partners reasonably discussing financial issues as equals. Doesn't matter which partner earns what. If you become disabled or retire and your income decreases, will you be content to be controlled by your wife because she earns more?


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

Why don't you all go together to look for skooters for the kids? When we bought bikes for our kids, we all went. The kids really enjoyed having both parents there...husband talking to the sales people w/questions, etc. and I watching them play/sit on the bikes to test them out.

About permission...you really should have a limit that you can spend without asking. For us, it is $50. Anymore than that and husband or I would need to just say, fyi...I'm thinking about getting this item..it costs this much, etc. It's usually not a problem.


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## Anes (Feb 5, 2011)

No, you don't ask to spend/how to spend!

COMMUNICATION is a big word in a loving relationship and SHARING EQUALY is always the best key to a lasting relationship.



Cheers now
Anes.


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