# Cheating: Your Honest Opinion



## luxnoctis (Jun 29, 2017)

Thanks for reading. I'm looking for opinions and/or experiences mostly from men about cheating, but anyone is welcome to share.

Would you be more likely to have a physical affair under the following circumstances:

1. You are in a serious relationship.
2. You live with your partner.
3. You are constantly accused of cheating.
4. You give your partner zero reason to suspect you of cheating.
5. You have not cheated so far.

(Optional) Answer a few questions about you:

1. Did you ever have a physical affair while you were in a relationship?
2. How old were you?
3. Did you ever have a relationship where you frequently accused your partner of cheating?
4. Did you ever find out or were told that your partner had cheated on you?

Thanks again.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Your numbering seems to be off (three #2s in a row under the same heading).

I'll answer verbally. Your #3 comes the closest. I have not cheated, but I would remove the concluding caveat "so far." I would not cheat, period. The original question is flawed, at least with regard to my ability to give a response. It seems to basically ask under what circumstances I would most likely have an affair, and none of those circumstances apply. None of those circumstances would provide any impetus whatsoever for me to cheat. 

My responses to your optional questions are also all solid Nos.


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## Sillyputty (Jan 22, 2013)

I recently became a willing participant in having an EA (as if one could be unwilling, right?). I'm married for 21 years, have 3 "almost" grown kids and our marriage has been sexless for nearly two years. I'm 51 and still have a high drive, however, for a variety of reasons I stopped initiating sex and my wife has NOT ONCE approached me for intimacy during this time. We have talked about it a "few" times, she is a devout catholic and views chastity as a virtue on par with "holiness" (don't even get me started on that one), in fact catholic teaching prescribes living as brother and sister as a viable option for married couples who have fallen out of love/intimacy. I do not buy into that BS argument, I did not and do not demand a lot of sex, so the whole chastity thing was/is a crushing blow for me. She even stated her support of the "living as brother-sister" argument in front of our marriage counselor, I threw my folder down in disgust and essentially checked out of the marriage right then and there--only sticking around for the younger kid's sake as I don't want to shove off too soon and lose daily contact with my youngest daughter (14). After about a year of being sexless, I started looking for other outlets--dating websites, craigslist, even contacted an old girlfriend. Nothing panned out, then recently at a class reunion it finally happened. Toward the end of an otherwise typical reunion, an old steady of mine (who is also married) came on to me in no uncertain terms. I will spare you the details but suffice it to say we had relations and the relations were good. I am a sensitive person and while this is out of character for me I feel somewhat justified as my wife rather unilaterally imposed this abstinence on the marriage as a function of her religion. To add to this, the mistress has similar goals/values/frustrations as me so it appears we will be moving forward with the affair. I'm not proud of this and don't know how long I can wear the mask of infidelity but it is certainly meeting an unmet need for the mistress and me, perhaps our respective marriage(s) will end and we will pursue a relationship together. I would be interested in hearing your and other thoughts on this scenario, I'm having some inner turmoil over it (naturally) and don’t see any easy solutions and further doubt that any exist.


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## luxnoctis (Jun 29, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Your numbering seems to be off (three #2s in a row under the same heading).


Thanks for pointing that out. I corrected the numbering.


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## luxnoctis (Jun 29, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Your numbering seems to be off (three #2s in a row under the same heading).
> 
> I'll answer verbally. Your #3 comes the closest. I have not cheated, but I would remove the concluding caveat "so far." I would not cheat, period. The original question is flawed, at least with regard to my ability to give a response. It seems to basically ask under what circumstances I would most likely have an affair, and none of those circumstances apply. None of those circumstances would provide any impetus whatsoever for me to cheat.
> 
> My responses to your optional questions are also all solid Nos.


That is something I want to know, if these circumstances would lead you to cheat. Sorry if my wording is off.


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## luxnoctis (Jun 29, 2017)

Sillyputty said:


> I would be interested in hearing your and other thoughts on this scenario, I'm having some inner turmoil over it (naturally) and don’t see any easy solutions and further doubt that any exist.


Thanks for relating your experience. I think it's interesting that you've done something you consider out of character and also feel justified in having an affair. I don't necessarily disagree with your reasoning and I sympathize with sexless marriage you are dealing with. However, I think in this type of situation you should definitely separate from your spouse, if not divorce and arrange custody. Get things in order to show you equally care for your youngest child so it will be an easier case of having equal parenting time. I don't think its healthy for your daughter to witness this kind of marriage and she may know or find out that you're having an affair. She's at a vulnerable age and is forming her attitude about relationships and men. 

I think its far better to lose some contact with your child than to mess with her ability to have a healthy relationship with men.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Having been a victim of PA Infidelity twice in as many marriages, and being a devout Christian:

(1) I just don't have in my being to cheat and lose favor to a partner whom I have given my sacred vows to remain true to them. I could not do it, knowing that, in time, I'd be called upon to confess before them as well as the Heavenly Father, as to my illicit and deceptive transgressions against them.
(2) If in the midst of a sexless marital union, I would rather just cut the cord through divorce rather than to keep living a lie with someone who obviously didn't give a tinkers damn about me or my well being. I would rather divorce, mourn, rehabilitate, and then in time, hopefully find someone who would love me just as reciprocally and unconditionally as I would love them! *


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

luxnoctis said:


> Thanks for reading. I'm looking for opinions and/or experiences mostly from men about cheating, but anyone is welcome to share.
> 
> Would you be more likely to have a physical affair under the following circumstances:
> 
> ...


1. no
2. no
3. no, I'd leave the relationship
4. No, However, everyone can find a reason to suspect cheating; everyone has a different definition of cheating
5. I have not cheated so far in any relationship. I have dated more than one woman at a time, at one point in life and did not like it. Never did it again.

I do not date now. I do not live in a relationship. I plan to stay single and not date, the rest of my life. I do miss sex, but the consequences of love and failure are too costly. 




luxnoctis said:


> (Optional) Answer a few questions about you:
> 
> 1. Did you ever have a physical affair while you were in a relationship?
> 2. How old were you?
> ...


1. No, never
2. I met first wife when I was almost 16. We had one year apart. We got back together and married, had two children and divorced when I was 30.
3. No, I accused her when she was guilty of cheating
4. I heard first wife in the living room right under our bedroom when I was awakened. Second wife didn't really try to hide it much, yet she did deny and gas light me. It was quite obvious and I confronted one guy. It went over the top and there were too many to confront. I tend to believe that was her safety network.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

luxnoctis said:


> Thanks for reading. I'm looking for opinions and/or experiences mostly from men about cheating, but anyone is welcome to share.
> 
> Would you be more likely to have a physical affair under the following circumstances:
> 
> ...


I’ve never been accused of cheating by a spouse.


luxnoctis said:


> (Optional) Answer a few questions about you:
> 
> 1. Did you ever have a physical affair while you were in a relationship? -


No. I have never cheated. When it got to the point that I felt like I would have justification due to abuse and his cheating I got a divorce. I don’t like to complicate my life with lying, playing mean games and cheating. Not worth my time/effort. Instead I prefer to just be open and honest. So I left and divorced.



luxnoctis said:


> 2. How old were you?


Since I never cheated, this does not apply.


luxnoctis said:


> 3. Did you ever have a relationship where you frequently accused your partner of cheating? –


No. Well except I did accuse him when I had 100% proof of his cheating. I would not call it constantly accusing… instead I brought it up often while I was trying deal with it.


luxnoctis said:


> 4. Did you ever find out or were told that your partner had cheated on you?


Yes I have been married 3 times. All 3 cheated. I had solid proof in each case.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

My honest opnion is once you know they are cheating start the exit plan.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

luxnoctis said:


> Thanks for reading. I'm looking for opinions and/or experiences mostly from men about cheating, but anyone is welcome to share.
> 
> Would you be more likely to have a physical affair under the following circumstances:
> 
> ...


Never cheated on anyone, never will. I'm not a cheater. I also never raped anyone and never will. I am also not a rapist. Yes it's really that simple. Anyone who tells you different is full of ****. End one relationship before you start another. That is what moral adult people do.


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## luxnoctis (Jun 29, 2017)

2ntnuf said:


> 5. I have not cheated so far in any relationship. I have dated more than one woman at a time, at one point in life and did not like it. Never did it again.
> 
> I do not date now. I do not live in a relationship. I plan to stay single and not date, the rest of my life. I do miss sex, but the consequences of love and failure are too costly.
> 
> 4. I heard first wife in the living room right under our bedroom when I was awakened. Second wife didn't really try to hide it much, yet she did deny and gas light me. It was quite obvious and I confronted one guy. It went over the top and there were too many to confront. I tend to believe that was her safety network.


Wow, she cheated right in your house while you were at home? I think someone on here said that someone who cheats at home is subconsciously wanting to me caught. Do you think so? 

For how long did you date more than one woman at a time? Do you think that negative experience helped you not cheat because you didn't like juggling relationships?


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## luxnoctis (Jun 29, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> I’ve never been accused of cheating by a spouse.
> 
> Yes I have been married 3 times. All 3 cheated. I had solid proof in each case.


Wow, so none of your spouses projected their cheating guilt by accusing you of the same? Why do you think you've been married to three people who ended up cheating? Do you think that's because cheating is common or because of something else?


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## luxnoctis (Jun 29, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Never cheated on anyone, never will. I'm not a cheater. I also never raped anyone and never will. I am also not a rapist. Yes it's really that simple. Anyone who tells you different is full of ****. End one relationship before you start another. That is what moral adult people do.


I always feel the same. You should end a relationship instead of cheating and staying. I have a hard time understanding why people cheat and stay in the relationship. I feel that cheating should be a wake up call that you aren't happy in your relationship and should leave.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

luxnoctis said:


> Wow, she cheated right in your house while you were at home? I think someone on here said that someone who cheats at home is subconsciously wanting to me caught. Do you think so?
> 
> For how long did you date more than one woman at a time? Do you think that negative experience helped you not cheat because you didn't like juggling relationships?


Yes, just below our bedroom on the couch in the living room, with my children in their beds. Well, I figured she'd cheated with this guy, but had no proof. Someone told me she did while she was pregnant with my first child. It is likely the child is his. 

I do not know if she wanted caught. I talked with her father and he told me to give her a dollar and tell her thanks for the show, which I did. Nothing else happened, except me telling her to never do it again. Later, she did, with someone else for about a year and a half. I suspected, but could not prove it. She married the guy. 

I dated two for about three months. Neither was exclusive with me. We'd talked about that. So, there was no cheating. The period I did that was between marriages when I was single. 

I would say that I had chances prior to that, while I was married to first wife, but did not take them. I don't know exactly what stops me. Sure, the women were attractive. I just could not bring myself to do anything except get away as quickly as possible while saying no and I don't want to. I remember saying I loved my wife and was confronted with, but it's just one time and she won't know. I told her she didn't know my wife and she would know because it would be written all over my face and be displayed in my actions. I suck at lying or hiding things. I don't know why. 


The thoughts of how it would affect my wife stopped me. I could see her hollering in my mind. I could see her tears, hear her voice and the voices of my parents and family. I could feel the shame of going to confession to be absolved of a sin I would wish I did not commit, and telling a priest exactly what happened. I could hear it being told all through the community and me being questioned and told I was no good. I could feel the shame without even doing anything.


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## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

luxnoctis said:


> Thanks for reading. I'm looking for opinions and/or experiences mostly from men about cheating, but anyone is welcome to share.
> 
> Would you be more likely to have a physical affair under the following circumstances:
> 
> ...


To answer your first 5. 

1. No

2. No

3. No

4. No

5. No

I wouldn't cheat period. I have character and I've been known to be bluntly honest. If I'm not happy, I'm going to let you know. None of these situation are such that would make me reevaluate my position. Cheating is wrong, end of story. Have respect for yourself and the one you are with and just end it if you are unhappy.

(Optional)

1. No. I had the opportunity a few times but then I remembered what it felt like and I realized I couldn't put someone through that.

2. Mid to late 20s when it almost happened. Had I been a teenager and thinking with my **** and not my head I likely could have done it as I lacked emotional maturity. But I have matured in the intervening years. And what's more I've felt that pain of being cheated on by someone I was going to commit my life too. So, yeah.

3. No, the one that did cheat I had no clue it was coming, though I was deployed at the time. I, however, have been the one accused of cheating by a former girlfriend. I cared for her greatly and was in a unit that was in the field alot. I would come back from a week to 2 weeks stint in the Field to some 200 plus messages on my answering machine. They'd start out lovey dovey at first and would quickly change in tone to full on accusations of having Orgies with hot strippers. (not sure where she got that one from). Turns out she was still married (though separated) And was lying to me. She had told me she was divorced. So in effect she was cheating. I ended it the next day when I found out. But because she was so guilty she projected that guilt on to me. Its a tendency I've noticed with women who cheat.

4. I like to live consistently. Say what I mean and mean what I say. Others have accused me of being 'too simple' but then, when I see their lives falling apart because of the games they play it just reaffirms my beliefs. So if I give her reason to trust me implicitly it means I'm doing something right, and I dare not abuse that trust by cheating.

5. Have not cheated so far and don't intend too. I mean really, its about one of the worst things you can do to someone you profess to care about. Ya know?


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## PreRaph (Jun 13, 2017)

luxnoctis said:


> Thanks for reading. I'm looking for opinions and/or experiences mostly from men about cheating, but anyone is welcome to share.
> 
> Would you be more likely to have a physical affair under the following circumstances:
> 
> ...


#6: You have become detached from your significant other and the two of you are not communicating, except through fighting, disagreement and the like. Yes. The others are all No.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Would you be more likely to have a physical affair under the following circumstances:

1. You are in a serious relationship.
2. You live with your partner.
3. You are constantly accused of cheating.
4. You give your partner zero reason to suspect you of cheating.
5. You have not cheated so far.

(Optional) Answer a few questions about you:

1. Did you ever have a physical affair while you were in a relationship?
2. How old were you?
3. Did you ever have a relationship where you frequently accused your partner of cheating?
4. Did you ever find out or were told that your partner had cheated on you?


All NO, would never cheat. It causes too much pain, wrecks lives. 
My father cheated on my mother then divorced her when I was young. I have seen cheating men in my family and the devastation they have wrought on their teenage kids, who still need therapy into their 30s. I have friends who have been cheated on, and are still with their cheating spouses but the wreckage is terrible. 
I have been cheated on once (maybe twice, no proof just gut feelings) and things have never been and never will be the same. Cheating cannot be papered over, both spouses will have to do tremendous work, few are capable of the level of work needed.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

luxnoctis said:


> Wow, so none of your spouses projected their cheating guilt by accusing you of the same? Why do you think you've been married to three people who ended up cheating? Do you think that's because cheating is common or because of something else?


Nope, they never accused me of cheating. I think they were very secure in who I was. They were also very upset when I filed for divorce. Each of my ex's tried to get back with me even after divorce. Not sure why they thought I was that stupid. Wishful thinking I guess.


I think that mostly cheating happened in my 3 marriages because it's very common. They all 3 also had jobs that gave them opportunity to be away from home a lot. It made it easy for them to have a second life where they did what they wanted.

ETA: Their fathers were also cheaters. So it may have been learned behavior.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

luxnoctis said:


> Thanks for reading. I'm looking for opinions and/or experiences mostly from men about cheating, but anyone is welcome to share.
> 
> Would you be more likely to have a physical affair under the following circumstances:
> 
> ...


I'm having trouble understanding your questions. If you are asking if any of those conditions would lead me to cheat - the answer is no. None of those things would cause me to cheat.


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## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

Sillyputty said:


> I recently became a willing participant in having an EA (as if one could be unwilling, right?). I'm married for 21 years, have 3 "almost" grown kids and our marriage has been sexless for nearly two years. I'm 51 and still have a high drive, however, for a variety of reasons I stopped initiating sex and my wife has NOT ONCE approached me for intimacy during this time. We have talked about it a "few" times, she is a devout catholic and views chastity as a virtue on par with "holiness" (don't even get me started on that one), in fact catholic teaching prescribes living as brother and sister as a viable option for married couples who have fallen out of love/intimacy. I do not buy into that BS argument, I did not and do not demand a lot of sex, so the whole chastity thing was/is a crushing blow for me. She even stated her support of the "living as brother-sister" argument in front of our marriage counselor, I threw my folder down in disgust and essentially checked out of the marriage right then and there--only sticking around for the younger kid's sake as I don't want to shove off too soon and lose daily contact with my youngest daughter (14). After about a year of being sexless, I started looking for other outlets--dating websites, craigslist, even contacted an old girlfriend. Nothing panned out, then recently at a class reunion it finally happened. Toward the end of an otherwise typical reunion, an old steady of mine (who is also married) came on to me in no uncertain terms. I will spare you the details but suffice it to say we had relations and the relations were good. I am a sensitive person and while this is out of character for me I feel somewhat justified as my wife rather unilaterally imposed this abstinence on the marriage as a function of her religion. To add to this, the mistress has similar goals/values/frustrations as me so it appears we will be moving forward with the affair. I'm not proud of this and don't know how long I can wear the mask of infidelity but it is certainly meeting an unmet need for the mistress and me, perhaps our respective marriage(s) will end and we will pursue a relationship together. I would be interested in hearing your and other thoughts on this scenario, I'm having some inner turmoil over it (naturally) and don’t see any easy solutions and further doubt that any exist.



Have you thought of forcing the issue in a confrontation? Maybe reciprocity? For instance, she cuts you off from Sex and affection, you cut her off financially and from your labor; refuse to do anything for her. This actually happened to my cousin about 3 years ago. They're both early 40s and suddenly she declared she no longer needed sex and was content to live a sexless marriage, but that she demanded Monogamy of him. She didn't want to deal with the stigma of a cheating husband and the gossip that ensues. They're fairly well off financially in which he makes all the money and she is a stay at home wife and mother. He considered an affair but I talked him out of it. Especially with the courts these days? He'd get creamed for sure and lose everything. So he came upon the idea of cutting her off financially. All the credit cards, depositing money in the joint accounts and stopped making payments on her new car. When she asked him to do favors for her and or her friends, he rejected her. 

The first clue something was wrong that sunk in was when she tried to pay for lunch with her friends and her cards were rejected. She had to bear the humiliation of asking for help in covering the bill. A angry phone call later where he told her point blank what the score was. That night he kicked her out of the bedroom and into the guest room. If she wasn't going to take care of him then he didn't need her in his bed. This severely restricted her daily activities as to mention frivolous spending habits (aside from bills she is responsible for 80% of all frivolous spending in the family). Later she got notices that her car payments and insurance on her car were overdue. They had a big fight again and he held his ground. She knew he was serious when her car got repossessed infront of her mother, father and sisters and she had to explain what was going on (she of course lied and tried to paint him the Villain who was emotionally abusing her). Only later when Mommy and Daddy found out what she was doing did they drop their support of her and then supported him.
She had been staying with her parents for the week in order to 'clear her head' and 'needing some space'. He also learned that she had been in contact with an old boyfriend from highschool on facebook.

When he discovered that he filed for divorce. THAT right there was what finally got through to her that she better shape up or she be shipped out. Especially as her own best friend blatantly came on to him in front of her. (they're not friends anymore). She did a complete 180 on him, went and got hormone replacement therapy (her hormones were out of whack) and went to therapy. Therapist gave her no quarter and essentially boiled it down to being too complacent, self assured, emotionally manipulative and borderline narcissist personality disorder. He took her back though they signed a Post-Nuptial agreement before she was allowed to move back home. He laid down the law though.

3 years later his youngest will be leaving for college but things are great between them. She treats him like a king and is his Tigris in bed. And he's never given a thought to straying.


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## GHaynes (Mar 12, 2018)

I'm also struggling to understand your questions, but I feel like I can answer without the numbers. I have never and can confidently say I will never cheat. I wouldn't be able to look myself in the mirror and I've felt that way before. I'm not going back. I'm a deeply flawed person, but I'm no coward. There's no excuse for it. If the marriage has gone bad, leave the marriage. If you can't leave, fix it or fly solo until you can.


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## luxnoctis (Jun 29, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> I'm having trouble understanding your questions. If you are asking if any of those conditions would lead me to cheat - the answer is no. None of those things would cause me to cheat.


I meant to ask if you were living in a situation with all 5 factors at the same time. In a serious live-in relationship with constant accusations despite not giving a reason to be doubted. In other words I guess my question is about what I have heard from some people how if you keep accusing your man of cheating that he will cheat. Or that if you keep accusing him, he will feel like he should cheat since you have already put him through the wringer over cheating. I guess out of spite for that last scenario. 

I've heard this before and kind of want to know what people here think about it. I don't personally feel that being accused of cheating all the time would make me want to cheat. It would make me unhappy and likely to leave soon after it became the norm.


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

luxnoctis said:


> Thanks for reading. I'm looking for opinions and/or experiences mostly from men about cheating, but anyone is welcome to share.
> 
> Would you be more likely to have a physical affair under the following circumstances:
> 
> ...


Under no circumstances would I cheat. Possibly however if I was cheated on, but then again I would just tell her it's an open marriage now and here's what I'm doing. This comes with the caveat of divorce papers have been served and it's over. If the wife was remorseful and sought to reconcile, I would not cheat however, even though the divorce would remain in affect. I would wait until divorce. So to answer question, none of your five reasons would be one likely to cheat. Likely or possible would not be in a sentence with me and cheating. I have very strong opinions of cheating. Black and white. 

1) Yes unfortunately. I was young, immature and stupid. Anything that moved who wasn't a skank or fat. 
2) Early to mid 20's.
3) No, however I did breakup with someone who was insanely jealous and suspecting. Never understood it because she was fine as hell and any fooling around would have been stupid. 
4) Found out. Engagement over immediately. Happened twice. Walked away and never looked back.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Sillyputty said:


> I recently became a willing participant in having an EA (as if one could be unwilling, right?). I'm married for 21 years, have 3 "almost" grown kids and our marriage has been sexless for nearly two years. I'm 51 and still have a high drive, however, for a variety of reasons I stopped initiating sex and my wife has NOT ONCE approached me for intimacy during this time. We have talked about it a "few" times, she is a devout catholic and views chastity as a virtue on par with "holiness" (don't even get me started on that one), in fact catholic teaching prescribes living as brother and sister as a viable option for married couples who have fallen out of love/intimacy. I do not buy into that BS argument, I did not and do not demand a lot of sex, so the whole chastity thing was/is a crushing blow for me. She even stated her support of the "living as brother-sister" argument in front of our marriage counselor, I threw my folder down in disgust and essentially checked out of the marriage right then and there--only sticking around for the younger kid's sake as I don't want to shove off too soon and lose daily contact with my youngest daughter (14). After about a year of being sexless, I started looking for other outlets--dating websites, craigslist, even contacted an old girlfriend. Nothing panned out, then recently at a class reunion it finally happened. Toward the end of an otherwise typical reunion, an old steady of mine (who is also married) came on to me in no uncertain terms. I will spare you the details but suffice it to say we had relations and the relations were good. I am a sensitive person and while this is out of character for me I feel somewhat justified as my wife rather unilaterally imposed this abstinence on the marriage as a function of her religion. To add to this, the mistress has similar goals/values/frustrations as me so it appears we will be moving forward with the affair. I'm not proud of this and don't know how long I can wear the mask of infidelity but it is certainly meeting an unmet need for the mistress and me, perhaps our respective marriage(s) will end and we will pursue a relationship together. I would be interested in hearing your and other thoughts on this scenario, I'm having some inner turmoil over it (naturally) and don’t see any easy solutions and further doubt that any exist.


You are not having en EA (an Emotional Affair) you are having a PA (a Physical Affair.)

And the problem is that if you marry your Affair Partner this can sometimes cause a vacancy as they might "need" cheating as part of their relationship.

Hopefully your wife will not accidentally find out about your cheating.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Affairs are just awful and cause such pain and misery. So no to all the questions There is no justification ever for this.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

luxnoctis said:


> I meant to ask if you were living in a situation with all 5 factors at the same time. In a serious live-in relationship with constant accusations despite not giving a reason to be doubted. In other words I guess my question is about what I have heard from some people how if you keep accusing your man of cheating that he will cheat. Or that if you keep accusing him, he will feel like he should cheat since you have already put him through the wringer over cheating. I guess out of spite for that last scenario.
> 
> I've heard this before and kind of want to know what people here think about it. I don't personally feel that being accused of cheating all the time would make me want to cheat. It would make me unhappy and likely to leave soon after it became the norm.


Very often, when a partner frequently and unjustly accuses you of cheating, it is projection. THEY are cheating, and so think it is easy for you to do so as well. It's time to investigate what they've been up to, in case they're the one who's cheating.


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## Zanne (Dec 7, 2012)

luxnoctis said:


> Thanks for reading. I'm looking for opinions and/or experiences mostly from men about cheating, but anyone is welcome to share.


Would you be more likely to have a physical affair under the following circumstances:

**I'm answering this based on the person I am today.**

1. You are in a serious relationship. No
2. You live with your partner. No
3. You are constantly accused of cheating. No
4. You give your partner zero reason to suspect you of cheating. No
5. You have not cheated so far. No

None of those situations are reasons to compromise my integrity.



luxnoctis said:


> (Optional) Answer a few questions about you:


1. Did you ever have a physical affair while you were in a relationship? Yes, my 28 year marriage
2. How old were you? 46
3. Did you ever have a relationship where you frequently accused your partner of cheating? No
4. Did you ever find out or were told that your partner had cheated on you? Yes


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## Zanne (Dec 7, 2012)

Sillyputty said:


> I recently became a willing participant in having an EA (as if one could be unwilling, right?). I'm married for 21 years, have 3 "almost" grown kids and our marriage has been sexless for nearly two years. I'm 51 and still have a high drive, however, for a variety of reasons I stopped initiating sex and my wife has NOT ONCE approached me for intimacy during this time. We have talked about it a "few" times, she is a devout catholic and views chastity as a virtue on par with "holiness" (don't even get me started on that one), in fact catholic teaching prescribes living as brother and sister as a viable option for married couples who have fallen out of love/intimacy. I do not buy into that BS argument, I did not and do not demand a lot of sex, so the whole chastity thing was/is a crushing blow for me. She even stated her support of the "living as brother-sister" argument in front of our marriage counselor, I threw my folder down in disgust and essentially checked out of the marriage right then and there--only sticking around for the younger kid's sake as I don't want to shove off too soon and lose daily contact with my youngest daughter (14). After about a year of being sexless, I started looking for other outlets--dating websites, craigslist, even contacted an old girlfriend. Nothing panned out, then recently at a class reunion it finally happened. Toward the end of an otherwise typical reunion, an old steady of mine (who is also married) came on to me in no uncertain terms. I will spare you the details but suffice it to say we had relations and the relations were good. I am a sensitive person and while this is out of character for me I feel somewhat justified as my wife rather unilaterally imposed this abstinence on the marriage as a function of her religion. To add to this, the mistress has similar goals/values/frustrations as me so it appears we will be moving forward with the affair. I'm not proud of this and don't know how long I can wear the mask of infidelity but it is certainly meeting an unmet need for the mistress and me, perhaps our respective marriage(s) will end and we will pursue a relationship together. I would be interested in hearing your and other thoughts on this scenario, I'm having some inner turmoil over it (naturally) and don’t see any easy solutions and further doubt that any exist.


I've been in a five year relationship with a man I met while we were both unhappy in our marriages. He has said, many times over, that he wishes he could go back and get divorced first!! End that relationship now and do the right thing and separate and get divorced. Trust me, it is not worth the distraction that you are getting right now. Good luck.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Embedded. 



luxnoctis said:


> Thanks for reading. I'm looking for opinions and/or experiences mostly from men about cheating, but anyone is welcome to share.
> 
> Would you be more likely to have a physical affair under the following circumstances:
> 
> ...


1. You are in a serious relationship. 
i don’t think I understand the question. Would I be more likely to have an affair if I was already in a serious relationship? No!

2. You live with your partner.
Same confusion. No, I would not be more likely to cheat because I was living with my partner.

3. You are constantly accused of cheating.
No. if I was frequently being accused of cheating and I could not reassure her, I’d mostly like end the relationship.

4. You give your partner zero reason to suspect you of cheating.
Even more confusion....but same answer as #3.

5. You have not cheated so far.
Same confusion how this is a change of circumstance as in 4. 

(Optional) Answer a few questions about you:

1. Did you ever have a physical affair while you were in a relationship?
no.

2. How old were you?
n/a

3. Did you ever have a relationship where you frequently accused your partner of cheating?
No

4. Did you ever find out or were told that your partner had cheated on you?
yes.


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## luxnoctis (Jun 29, 2017)

Haiku said:


> i don’t think I understand the question. Would I be more likely to have an affair if I was already in a serious relationship? No![/COLOR]


Take the circumstances together. I could've put ", and " between each number. I meant if all 5 were the circumstances you were living under, would you be more likely to cheat.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

luxnoctis said:


> Take the circumstances together. I could've put ", and " between each number. I meant if all 5 were the circumstances you were living under, would you be more likely to cheat.


Oh got it. 🤦🏼*♂ So sorry. 

My answer woukd be no; and I’d be inclined to end the relationship if there’s endless insecurity.


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