# Wife and Friends



## phenixcitymountainman (Sep 23, 2012)

My wife has spent the better part of the past 6 months claiming that I'm trying to selfishly prevent her from having any friends. 

There is some truth to that accusation, but aside from just divorcing her and moving on, I don't knkw what else to do.

Here's how I got here....

Several years ago, while stationed overseas for the military, I found direct evidence of my wife engaging in a minimum of an emotional affair. I confronted her about it, and of course it was denied. When I provided the evidence, she claimed I was taking it out of context. However, I made it clear that I wasn't ok with her doing things along with another man, given what transpired.

Fast forward several years. My wife becomes friends with a lesbian, and the 3 of us hang out a number of times together. Around Christmas, I could just tell that something was different about my wife, so I started digging. What I uncovered was again a minimum of an emotional affair, and based on what I saw, it may very well have gone physical. When I confronted my wife about it, she denied that it went physical, but admitted that there was an attraction. She agreed to stop seeing this friend, but within days, there were complaints of, "I miss my friend, why are you keeping me from my friend, why are you treating me like a child and "grounding" me....?"

Needless to say, the NC was broken.

She claims that I'm trying to keep her from having friends because I want her all to myself. I would argue that I would love for her to have friends, but she's pretty much made her own bed here, since she seems to not be able to be trusted with either men or women.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable here, given the track record. 

I'm assuming it is my only option, but is there an option other than divorcing this woman? I feel like there isn't much other than that.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

So basically she has had 2 EAs that you know of (and who knows for sure if any went to a PA, although you can assume a PA is probably not too far down the road if the EA continues)?

Have you asked her what she is not getting out of your marriage that she needs to turn to other people? It would seem to me that is the bigger issue that needs to be addressed.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Well of course there are other options. There always are.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Well, you can't prevent her from having friends, but perhaps the friends should be straight and female. Boundaries are reasonable, but controlling her is not. If you really don't trust her, then simply divorce her - that would be better for both of you.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

She needs friends. Period.

Having said that, have you asked her why she's incapable of making friends that don't involve sexual attraction? 

It suggests that she isn't really looking for friends, but attention.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Have you asked her what is missing in the marriage? Many people recomemd his needs - he needs along with 5 love languages. 5 love languages does have a site Home | The 5 Love Languages® | Improving Millions of Relationships? One Language at a Time.

I have a pet expression: the past is the future unless we change it. What are/were both of your parents relationships like? Any siblings ? 

Are you still in the service ?


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What have you done to figure out if it was a physical affair with either of her "friends?"


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

phenixcitymountainman said:


> My wife has spent the better part of the past 6 months claiming that I'm trying to selfishly prevent her from having any friends.
> 
> There is some truth to that accusation, but aside from just divorcing her and moving on, I don't knkw what else to do.
> 
> ...


If there is a doubt, there is no doubt. 

So, what happened after she broke the NC agreement? 

Did you tell her what the consequences would be? Exactly? 

Did you follow up on them?


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Kids?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

IC and MC.

Divorce has to be on the table if she refuses to work on her issues.

Unless you want to be a cuckold.

Serial cheater. She really doesn't realize that fvcking around on you is going to cost her marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

PCM,

From you two posts you wrote that your WW does not want cunnilingus from you anymore and she has had an affair with a lesbian. I would conclude she likes cunnilingus from her girlfriends better than you.

My experience has been that when specific sex acts are mostly withheld because of an affair they never come back the way they were, in my case oral and kissing I went from 100% to 33%. You can lose weight, make dinner, tend to their sickness, earn money, win awards, but they still reserve certain acts as a memorial to their lost love with the other person.

Do you have children, because if you do it makes this much more worth saving. It can be a long life when you don't cheat and the sexual things you once enjoyed become distant memories.

Tamat


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

To follow up on @TAMAT post, your one post re: your wife not wanting you to go down on her was from summer 2013. Where does this fit into the timeframe of the two EAs that she has had, particularly the female?

I suspect you aren't equipped physically to meet her needs. Her "friends" are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

our denying her friendship with anyone. The problem is your wife and her poor choices in friends. She gets too close to them and now she's been in 2 EA's. What you need to do is let her know that she either choose a little more wisely or she going to find herself with a change in lifestyle that she isn't going to like. Don't let her try to pin you with that poor me I can't have friends routine. If you allow it, you lose.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Boundaries. Have her looks it up.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Did you delete your thread about the back story? I seem to remember you were going to leave her at the time? You have older stepchildren but no children together? She wanted you to move near her family? That's my memory of the thread I'm thinking of. (Sorry if I've confused you with another poster.)


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TAMAT said:


> PCM,
> 
> From you two posts you wrote that your WW does not want cunnilingus from you anymore and she has had an affair with a lesbian. I would conclude she likes cunnilingus from her girlfriends better than you.
> 
> ...


Why might she prefer cunnilingus from a woman rather than a man? Men have nasty, scratchy beard stubble.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> She agreed to stop seeing this friend, but within days, there were complaints of, "I miss my friend, why are you keeping me from my friend, why are you treating me like a child and "grounding" me....?"
> Needless to say, the NC was broken.


Suggested Response: "I am sorry, but this is because you insist on acting like a child."


----------

