# Dating/hookup email



## Katiebird (Jun 7, 2010)

I have several email accounts including two gmail accounts - for work. I never get dating or hookup email (spam) on any of them. DH however gets lots. Is this because of the sites he has visited or is it just chance? They seem to come from two or three similar sites. He is not very computer savvy but knows enough to clear browsing history I think and close all apps on iphone. Is it worth checking further or am I paranoid?


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

It's depends on the user name of the Gmail really. 
I have my first name A & then a number & I get all kinds of weird, crazy, gross hook up spam & I've never signed up for any of those weird sites.

If anyone out there knows how to stop receiving them, please do tell. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Katiebird said:


> I have several email accounts including two gmail accounts - for work. I never get dating or hookup email (spam) on any of them. DH however gets lots. Is this because of the sites he has visited or is it just chance? They seem to come from two or three similar sites. He is not very computer savvy but knows enough to clear browsing history I think and close all apps on iphone. Is it worth checking further or am I paranoid?


Honestly, it depends on which sites he's getting email from. If they're legit dating/hook up sites (like Match, *******, PoF or Adult Friend Finder), then he's used his email address to sign up there, I'm afraid. Seeing as how those are reputable businesses, they're not going to send spam email to people.

If it's spammy type emails, then it's simply because his address is in circulation and has made its way on to spam lists. I've had a gmail account since about the 2nd or 3rd month they were available, and the amount of spam I get is insane (thank god for the automatic filtering...)

Easiest way to figure it out, and this might suck, is to click on whatever link these emails are sending him, which will bring you to the site, and possibly even an account. But I stress - only do this if the emails are from a reputable dating/hookup site, otherwise it's unlikely it's on the up-and-up. So if it's from, for example, Adult Friend Finder, then there's an account there with that email address.

Before my wife and I started dating, we were both on dating sites. Me on Match, she on PoF. Until you deactivate your account, they'll still send you email (matches, etc.)

_TL : DR - if the emails are from reputable sites, then he has an account there._


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

MrsAldi said:


> It's depends on the user name of the Gmail really.
> I have my first name A & then a number & I get all kinds of weird, crazy, gross hook up spam & I've never signed up for any of those weird sites.
> 
> If anyone out there knows how to stop receiving them, please do tell.
> ...


You can't, it's spam. Your address has made it's way onto a list, and there's nothing you can do about it. Some spambots randomize the address it's sent from, so you can't effectively block them. You'll block THAT address, but they'll just send you one from another account.

The most common way of finding your address on a spam list these days is through Facebook. Apps, games, that sort of thing. Click bait is horrendous on Facebook. ("You'll never believe what she did next!" That sort of thing.)


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## Katiebird (Jun 7, 2010)

The email is his first and last name, no initials or numbers. I am not sure I know what a legit site is. He has had this email for a couple of years - so not years and years - like I have. I get some junk, but nothing like he gets - complete with pictures sometimes


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

If you want the spam to stop, when you click on the email and go to the site there you will get an option to enter your email to stop getting them.

I use to get them until I started doing that. Hope this helps.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

@alexm has a great point. I occasionally get the "Spam" type emails for no apparent reason (well, okay I have gone to the occasional porn site in the past, but it's pretty rare). If it's a legit site, he MUST have an account there.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Katiebird said:


> The email is his first and last name, no initials or numbers. I am not sure I know what a legit site is. He has had this email for a couple of years - so not years and years - like I have. I get some junk, but nothing like he gets - complete with pictures sometimes


Legit site = reputable business. Again, like match.com, adult friend finder, Plenty of Fish, EHarmony, *******, that sort of thing. They're not in the business of sending spam emails to people out of the blue. 

They send email to people who have accounts with them.

Why don't you tell us where these emails are coming from? That'd help.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Lostme said:


> If you want the spam to stop, when you click on the email and go to the site there you will get an option to enter your email to stop getting them.
> 
> I use to get them until I started doing that. Hope this helps.


DO THIS WITH EXTREME CAUTION!

If this is not a legitimate website/business, you could be putting your computer and/or information at risk.

At best, they're confirming your email address is valid. At worst, you're clicking on something that will install malware or viruses on your computer, sometimes just by clicking the link.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I get spam from dating sites, hookup sites, drug sales, and on and on. I've visited very few of the sites, so most is just advertising, offers of trial memberships, and such. You can visit a site for a good reason, sign up for a newsletter or something, and your email may get sold to spammers. Unless it is a direct email from the site saying something like you've had visits from this many members, or a message from that user, and it's clear that you're a member of the site, it's spam. I've had my email account for years, and I get 10x more spam than valid messages - but the spam goes to the spam folder and I just check it periodically (for something valid that may have been misdirected) and delete the rest.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

alexm said:


> You can't, it's spam. Your address has made it's way onto a list, and there's nothing you can do about it. Some spambots randomize the address it's sent from, so you can't effectively block them. You'll block THAT address, but they'll just send you one from another account.
> 
> The most common way of finding your address on a spam list these days is through Facebook. Apps, games, that sort of thing. Click bait is horrendous on Facebook. ("You'll never believe what she did next!" That sort of thing.)


I'm guessing it's based on the email you used to sign up with on FB, correct? I'm half-tempted to create a new email and use it solely for Friends/Business/important sites and semi-abandon my previous email because the inbox is inundated with all kinds of bacon (legit emails I signed up for, but currently don't have interest in).


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Married but Happy said:


> I get spam from dating sites, hookup sites, drug sales, and on and on. I've visited very few of the sites, so most is just advertising, offers of trial memberships, and such. You can visit a site for a good reason, sign up for a newsletter or something, and your email may get sold to spammers. Unless it is a direct email from the site saying something like you've had visits from this many members, or a message from that user, and it's clear that you're a member of the site, it's spam. I've had my email account for years, and I get 10x more spam than valid messages - but the spam goes to the spam folder and I just check it periodically (for something valid that may have been misdirected) and delete the rest.


Yes and no. Like I said, you will not get email from legitimate websites that you have not given your address to, and even then, you almost always need an account to receive emails from them.

Case in point, Amazon does not use spam email to solicit business. Nor do the "big" dating sites like Match, et al. For starters, they don't need to. They also recognize spam email for what it is, and that people don't like it. A reputable company knows that they'd turn off 10 people for every 1 success via spam email.

So Match.com will not send you junk email. They WILL send you email in regards to your account (matches, news, etc.)

So I re-iterate to OP (and anybody else reading) that if your spouse (or you) are receiving emails from real, legitimate, well-known dating/hookup sites - there's an account associated with that email address. I've already listed the ones I can think of off the top of my head in this thread.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Yes and no, alex. I do get trial offers from match periodically, and I'm not a member. Perhaps I clicked on their site once, or visited an affiliate - I don't know.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I got an email just the other day from someone wanting me to be their 'pu$$y punisher". I've had my email forEVER though, so I may have used it in the past to sign up for some unsavoury sites when I was investigating what my husband was up to, but nothing recently, and I just started getting this type of crap.

I think it comes from someone selling email addresses. We give out email addresses EVERYwhere - stores, greeting card sites, surveys, signing up for places like TAM, etc. Any one of those places could have sold their database or been hacked or who knows what. Also, your email is in who knows how many other people's address books, so if they get spied on and their emails grabbed, it could happen that way.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Remember with free Gmail accounts that you are the product, not the consumer, your surfing interests and keywords from your data are for sale.

The only spam I get (and at times risqué), is from Gmail, and I have never been on any dating site in my life.

If you want less intrusive free email including spamming, something like Microsoft's Outlook (outlook.live.com) or Apple iCloud (icloud.com) is safest, or an internal ISP (Charter, Qwest, Centurylink) but if you ISP hop for the best deals, the first two are best as they stay with you wherever you go.

Or you can pay for Gmail, but their trustworthiness is consistently under suspect.

Yahoo is not historically secure either.

Just my .02¢


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> I got an email just the other day from someone wanting me to be their 'pu$$y punisher".


Heh... I got that one too, in Gmail.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Its easy to end up on spam lists. At one point I started getting a lot of german porn spam - seems like the mailing list for a scientific collaboration in Germany got grabbed by a spam group. 

If he goes to porn sites, that can generate a HUGE amount of spam. That isn't the only way though, its no proof that he is watching porn. 

Clicking on link-bait on facebook can do it as well.

Clicking on a link in a spam will get you lots more - it proves to them that your email is active. 



So, I wouldn't worry about the spam, he may have done absolutely nothing wrong except failed to practice safe hex.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

richardsharpe said:


> So, I wouldn't worry about the spam, he may have done absolutely nothing wrong except failed to practice safe hex.


Except that she did say they were from dating/hookup sites, which is a concern. Again, you will not receive email from those sites (apart from 'free trial' ads occasionally) unless you have an account, or otherwise provided your address to THEM. Reputable companies do not buy spam email lists, as a general rule.

Which is why I'm hoping OP will reply with what, exactly, dating sites are sending her husband emails.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Or is she assuming they are from dating sites because of the content?

Would be good to know, yes.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Its not always obvious. Lots of Russian girls want to meet me. Lots of lonely single women are sending me their pictures (or at least attachments that claim to be pictures....). Considering that I've also won several sweepstakes my life must be pretty good.

If these are real contact emails from real dating sites its a problem, but there is a lot of spam designed to look like real interest.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> Its not always obvious. Lots of Russian girls want to meet me. Lots of lonely single women are sending me their pictures (or at least attachments that claim to be pictures....). Considering that I've also won several sweepstakes my life must be pretty good.
> 
> If these are real contact emails from real dating sites its a problem, but there is a lot of spam designed to look like real interest.


From the OP's first post:



Katiebird said:


> They seem to come from two or three similar sites.


I also get the Russian girls, lonely single women, etc. emails, but they don't seem to come from a "site", per se. There's really no way to tell how many of them originate from the same sender(s). Not only that, but they also utilize fake reply email addresses, making blocking impossible (ie. you block THAT one email, which you're unlikely to receive any more messages from, any way). Know what I mean?

They way I read OP's post was that they are coming from 2 or 3 different SITES, and I took that to mean Match, *******, Adult Friend Finder, et al.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i do not know HOW they get our email addresses, but ANYONE can get spammed with sexual emails. I have an account that i ONLY use for serious personal emails....almost never give it out. Last month i started getting emails from "women" in the netherlands that want to hook up with me. Maybe getting 10 a week now.


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## Katiebird (Jun 7, 2010)

Thanks all. I don't remember exactly - no Match.com, etc. but the one I remember was from something called Flirt.com???? My guess is that his email was just sold somewhere along the line - so I probably won't worry too much. I won't click on the links - no way - no how!


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I actually just got this email sent to me ...



> Subject: Sexy Russian Women are waiting for YOU
> From: RussianSingles Team
> 
> Beautiful Russian Women Are Waiting to Meet You.
> ...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Did the actual email address have flirt.com in it? Spam emails disguise themselves with copied logos etc


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Katiebird said:


> Thanks all. I don't remember exactly - no Match.com, etc. but the one I remember was from something called Flirt.com???? My guess is that his email was just sold somewhere along the line - so I probably won't worry too much. I won't click on the links - no way - no how!


Could be either/or then. I've never heard of flirt.com, but it IS a dating site upon quick inspection, as opposed to a scam.

If I were you, I'd click the link anyway, and see if there's an account registered with that email address. But that's up to you.

I don't mean to make you paranoid, but you're obviously concerned about this, hence your post. Unless the email specifically says "free trial" or what have you, there's a good chance there's an account registered there.

Flirt.com isn't one of the major dating sites, as far as I know (never heard of it), but it also appears to be a real, actual dating site nonetheless - not a Russian brides type of thing. I wouldn't be scared of malware if you click any links in the email, is what I'm trying to say.

You can choose to bury your head in the sand though, of course, but if this were me, I'd be investigating a little further just for my own sanity. Going solely by what you've described to us here, I'd have cause for concern. Could be nothing, too.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Katiebird said:


> I have several email accounts including two gmail accounts - for work. I never get dating or hookup email (spam) on any of them. DH however gets lots. Is this because of the sites he has visited or is it just chance? They seem to come from two or three similar sites. He is not very computer savvy but knows enough to clear browsing history I think and close all apps on iphone. Is it worth checking further or am I paranoid?


You might be paranoid.

The work email address I had at my last job was getting lots of spam for dating sites, porn sites and the like.

He's not tech savvy? Then you need to help him out by helping him block the spam emails.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

alexm said:


> _TL : DR - if the emails are from reputable sites, then he has an account there._


I have never signed up for a dating site or similar and I get spam from Match, OurTime and other dating sites at least once a week.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> Did the actual email address have flirt.com in it? Spam emails disguise themselves with copied logos etc


Exactly... I had an advert from AM that did not come from AM but a spoofing Gmail account to my Gmail last week.

Gmail did catch it as Junk through.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

soccermom2three said:


> I have never signed up for a dating site or similar and I get spam from Match, OurTime and other dating sites at least once a week.


Here's the thing - they (and other "reputable" sites) will send occasional promotional emails to select audiences. Web marketing has come a long way since the old days of 'throwing spaghetti at the wall'.

The targeting of select audiences isn't 100% perfect, of course, but a site like Match is going on the assumption that you are single and looking. This is usually data-mined from elsewhere (like Facebook, for example). That, combined with a valid email address = "targeted" emails. It's not always accurate, however. There's a reason Facebook has a relationship status field. If you click on a link, or use an app through Facebook that requires your email address, then you just made it available to countless entities. Couple that with the data mined from your actual Facebook profile (ie. "single", "married" etc.) and you get targeted email. Many will actually data mine your music preferences, movies and TV, and whatever other information we may or may not provide to Facebook.

So yes, it's feasible to receive promotional/marketing emails, unsolicited. My guess is that whatever data has been mined from you over the years has resulted in you being assumed single, whatever age you are, your gender, and many other things that indicate to the powers that be that you are exactly who Match should be targeting.

Again, just about everybody on the planet receives sketchy spam email - however the vast majority of it is completely random. Somebody has a list of 1,000,000 email addresses, so whatever it is they're selling is sent to all 1,000,000, regardless of age, gender, marital status, location, etc.

But when it comes to well-known, larger companies, their junk email is targeted. They're not always right, but they're also not randomly sending out 1,000,000 emails in one go.


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## Saintest (Jun 1, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> I get spam from dating sites, hookup sites, drug sales, and on and on. I've visited very few of the sites, so most is just advertising, offers of trial memberships, and such. You can visit a site for a good reason, sign up for a newsletter or something, and your email may get sold to spammers. Unless it is a direct email from the site saying something like you've had visits from this many members, or a message from that user, and it's clear that you're a member of the site, it's spam. I've had my email account for years, and I get 10x more spam than valid messages - but the spam goes to the spam folder and I just check it periodically (for something valid that may have been misdirected) and delete the rest.


 Mee too!!!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

NEVER click on ANY LINKS in any emails. Even if you think it came from your own mom! 

If you get a serious email, like from your credit card company, the ONLY way to be sure is to turn your credit card over, dial the 1-800 number on the back of it, and ask "are you guys trying to reach me?"


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## Maylissa (Mar 7, 2017)

This is a very commonly asked question. I found the answer. I did my research and by that I mean, I called and or emailed a lot of these dating sites. Out of 11sites i reached out to , i received 3 answers. And all 3answers were pretty much the same. 9times outta 10 the dating sites receive his email address once he has registered or created a profile. It takes just one time for him to register at one site & then the emails come pouring in. Eventually they'll slow down & fade away. Unless he creates another acct. 
However, if your husband has a social media account(s) (eg twitter,facebook) where he is following or friends with porn accts, nude accts etc often dating sites will pop up on the screen and one click registers u half way. If he opens one email received from a sating site it'll register him half way.
The sad part about a majority of these free dating sites are that nobodys information is verified. In fact, I registered to a couple sites trying to find my husband & its hard to do when your not verified, ur not required to post a profile pic etc. And u can creat any name as a user name. 
And last but not least...they have sites designed solely for husbands and wives who just wanna have a sexual encounter w/no strings attached. I found out the hard way that my husband was in fact registered to several ACCTS.
If u have ur husbands gmail acct information u can easily login into Google (be sure to no his settings prior to logging in bcs he may hav his acct set up to be notified every time sum1 signs in) and look at ACCTS linked to his acct, and if your husband is anything like mine he saves his passw0rds on Google for easy & quick login. so u click on the little eyeball next to the acct and it will show u every password he saved to every acct he has linked to google. U can also look at his Google activity. Sorry iPhone users...this only works with Google. 
I guess its safe to say that we have since enrolled in marriage counseling. I hope I could help


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Lostme said:


> If you want the spam to stop, when you click on the email and go to the site there you will get an option to enter your email to stop getting them.


Generally this is an excellent way to exponentially INCREASE the amount of spam you receive along with a boatload of computer viruses and malware.

Otherwise your advice is spot on.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

If you use Gmail, turn on Priority Inbox, label your important correspondents as such, and mark any junk that gets thru as spam...problem solved. I get tons of crap I never even see. Clicking "remove me" links (or any link) just verifies they've got a live e-mail address that can be sold.


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