# Separated and Divorce groups...



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I have several good friends, but none going through the same situation as I am. I really don't want to burden my friends with issues etc, but I feel like I need to connect with women who are going through similar stuff, the emotional, the ability to detachment, letting go of resentment etc.

I'm wondering if there are groups out there for this???

I checked out meetup.com, I guess I'm a bit leery of these groups, what kind of people they attract, but, on the other hand we're all in the same boat right??


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## onehotmama (Apr 13, 2012)

ask a friend or family member to accompany you the first time you go, that might make you feel more comfortable. It can't hurt to check it out! You could possibly gain a lot of support and good friends that can understand what you're going through.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I had a few bad experiences with meetup. It was a lot of horny men hitting on me and no women hardly ever came to functions.

Divorce Care, a Christian based support group for divorced and separated has been super. It is literally turning my life around. Great educational videos, group talks and wonderful new friends who really understand and care have been my weekly experience. It you Google divorce care programs it will tells you more about it and you can search for sponsors of the program in your area.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

If you have a Church, ask a leader/Pastor to help you find some groups in your area. 

Wouldn't hurt to give your local United Way a call as well.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

working_together said:


> I checked out meetup.com, I guess I'm a bit leery of these groups, what kind of people they attract,


LOL
you should be.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I thought "meetup" was supposed to be legit. When I looked in my area, all I found were political groups.

Which is probably where the horny old men were coming from...


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> I thought "meetup" was supposed to be legit. When I looked in my area, all I found were political groups.
> 
> Which is probably where the horny old men were coming from...


should be called 'hookup'


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> I thought "meetup" was supposed to be legit. When I looked in my area, all I found were political groups.
> 
> Which is probably where the horny old men were coming from...



Lol....

There are some other good groups on there but the divorce and separate group didn't work out well for me. If one wanted to just hook up then they'd be perfect. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Or get screwed by a politician!!!

Sorry! 

I got decent info from my pastor - but never went...


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> LOL
> you should be.


I think there are some ok meetup groups, my sister and her b/f went to some comedy shows with a meetup group, they raved about it, and very normal people.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> should be called 'hookup'


common, is it that bad???

there seemed to be some ok groups, tennis, pool etc.

I really don't want to hang out with a bunch of old horny people....lol, if I'm going to a group the purpose of an activity, I don't want distractions.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I agree there are probably some kooky people who just want a hook up, but why wouldn't they just go to a dating site etc.


When my parents divorced my mom joined a single parents group, she loved it, and it wasn't about hook ups, of course she didn't send out that vibe either. She still some 30 years later gets together with female friends she met. And there were kids activites as well.

Maybe I'm just dreaming, and that was back in the day when people were normal. lol


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

working_together said:


> common, is it that bad???
> 
> there seemed to be ok groups, tennis, pool etc.
> 
> ...


 
Just to clarify.... I never said they were "old" horny men I went to hang out with. In fact, a lot were younger than me
I was only relaying my experience with that 1 particular group. 

I'm sure not all the groups are like that. Maybe in your area they will be different.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

working_together said:


> I think there are some ok meetup groups, my sister and her b/f went to some comedy shows with a meetup group, they raved about it, and very normal people.


im sure its fine for a couple but imho not for the woman to go hang out with them herself if she is in a relationship.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

working_together said:


> I agree there are probably some kooky people who just want a hook up, but why wouldn't they just go to a dating site etc.


because the women are vulnerable in those kinds of settings at meetup. the men prey on that unfortunately.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> because the women are vulnerable in those kinds of settings at meetup. the men prey on that unfortunately.


Ahhhh...good point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

I used Meetup, and finally went to a divorce/separation group a week ago. There were about 10 people, and in different stages of divorce/separation. It was nice to get advice in person, and I'll definitely do it again.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

AlterEgoist said:


> I used Meetup, and finally went to a divorce/separation group a week ago. There were about 10 people, and in different stages of divorce/separation. It was nice to get advice in person, and I'll definitely do it again.


Oh really? tell me about the people?? are they bitter, or do they really discuss what they went through, and how they've healed or moved forward from separation/divorce.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I guess I could bring my sister along with me to a group to check it out.

Life seems so complicated these days. blahhhh


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think it's better to decide where it is you want to go with your life, and then try to hang out with people who have the same beliefs and values as you, vs. focusing on one particular problem or passage of your life. The thing is, everyone at any time is going through SOMETHING, it is the way life is, full of little sufferings and sometimes big sufferings, that we grow through. Rather than join a group that you might move on from, and whose values and goals might not really mesh with yours (remember, you'll be disclosing your inner angst to your group...), find a group you can stay with regardless of what you might be going through (or celebrating.) 

Try to find a group that is a social group, but has a value system that you can live with, permanently, and grow with. Otherwise it will be easy to get attached to your 'issues' in order to prevent more loss. 

I think maybe you are jumping to conclusions about your friends not wanting to burden them. Do you know this for sure? Many friends will be willing to lend an ear for an hour a week, or to text you once or twice during the day words of encouragement. I have people I can text and they will text back when I need support. There is also therapy, and interest groups. Sometimes approaching a problem through a reading group or a movie group (community education) where people can talk about the characters in the story rather than themselves, provides a good way of gaining perspective. I don't really believe that misery loves company...I think that any given issue given a community context to be in, has a better chance of healing. Sometimes I just need a hug or to shed some tears. That is easy enough to get at school pick up or any time anyone asks how I'm doing. I have a unique issue, no support group could possibly suit me. But I think all issues are unique. 

You might find singles through the AMC (outdoors.org) activity groups for singles usually have people who might be going through relationship grief or transition...don't assume everyone else coupled or not has it all pulled together. Not the case, everyone has an issue. :-o


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

working_together said:


> I guess I could bring my sister along with me to a group to check it out.
> 
> Life seems so complicated these days. blahhhh


I have some friends that do the meet ups here and they like them. They are true social meetings and not hook up opportunities.


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

working_together said:


> Oh really? tell me about the people?? are they bitter, or do they really discuss what they went through, and how they've healed or moved forward from separation/divorce.


A sample:

1. There was one person who got divorced, remarried, but the ex-spouse is still very much in their business due to kids. 
2. There were a couple of people whose spouse up and left them one day without contact, and are trying to figure out why. 
3. Another is about the ILYBINILWY. 
4. Another is in the final stages of divorce, like close to signing the final decree.

I guess you can see a bit of bitterness in some of them. But they mainly discussed what they are going through, and the group serves as an outlet to let it through. There was this one person who was way beyond the divorce, but there were a still lingering issues involving the daughter. But he had amazing wisdom to share and had a lot of nice gems of information - I don't even think he was even 50.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

AlterEgoist said:


> A sample:
> 
> 1. There was one person who got divorced, remarried, but the ex-spouse is still very much in their business due to kids.
> 2. There were a couple of people whose spouse up and left them one day without contact, and are trying to figure out why.
> ...


I think it's the "words of wisdom" that I'm looking for.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I have a couple of new friends from my daughter's school, one makes me laugh about all her tales of being on a dating site. The other has been through two divorces. I asked them today, since after next week I will no longer be working at the school, if they would be interested in going out to dinner on the weekends.

I think I come across as lonely here....lol. It's not the case, it's just I'm really social, I'm so used to living with a talkative and animated person all the time that it's a big transition, then the kids are gone for the most of every weekend, so I'm not used to occupying myself with hobbies. I guess I'll need to start something though.

I did start reading again....Fifty Shades of Grey.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

working_together said:


> I did start reading again....Shades of Grey.


Time to start a book club!

From what I've heard - I expect the first chapter to be entitled "Dear Penthouse..."!!!


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Time to start a book club!
> 
> From what I've heard - I expect the first chapter to be entitled "Dear Penthouse..."!!!


Actually I keep nodding off...

I keep reading Down and Out in Paris and London, I love that book so much.


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

working_together said:


> I think it's the "words of wisdom" that I'm looking for.


I guess there were some that gave words of wisdom - but it was only my first meetup. I'll know more as I go to more of these things.


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## Scott1984 (Mar 19, 2012)

I was in a divorce metup group, and I was overwhelmed with all the female atention and how much they wanted to DATE me. I was in a pretty vulnerable state and to have all these women fall over themselves to get my attention I had no clue how to handle it...


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Scott1984 said:


> I was in a divorce metup group, and I was overwhelmed with all the female atention and how much they wanted to DATE me. I was in a pretty vulnerable state and to have all these women fall over themselves to get my attention I had no clue how to handle it...


My same experience from the men. Not recommended when you truly trying to heal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

So I went to my second group yesterday and about 13 people showed up. I'm starting to like the group - yesterday's prevailing theme is to find yourself again.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

AlterEgoist said:


> So I went to my second group yesterday and about 13 people showed up. I'm starting to like the group - yesterday's prevailing theme is to find yourself again.


You probably lucked out with a good group, from what people are saying here it's a bit of meat market.

I laughed at one of the groups advertised on Meetup.com....Holy Crappers, seems like a cool group though lol


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