# Lost & Scared



## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

2 days b4 Christmas my wife told me she did not love me anymore, it came totally out of the blue. She came of her antidepressants about 3 months ago and I just cant seem to talk to her, she is not the same woman I fell in love with. We have 2 beautiful boys 7 & 4. She went on a 10 day holiday with her parents but I was not welcome to go. Like any couple we have our issues but this is just so out of character. We both love our children dearly and she just refuses to talk to me about anything. Im wondering if it is coming off the medication that is causing this or has she as she says just not in love with me anymore. I would think that if you have 2 kids you would at least give it an opportunity to try and work things out? Also it was only a week or so b4 this incident that we made love and she told me she loved me. Now she says she has made an apointment to see a lawyer 2morro.....I just dont know how things have got so bad so quick....Could it be coming off the meds? Can someone please help me as I am so in love with my family. Her reasons are that "I treat her horribly, yell at her, am lazy around the house, didnt support her when she post natal depression with our 2nd son" I dont treat her horribly I dont know where she gets that and she wont elaborate, at times we both yell at each other but this is not a daily thing, I am probably guilty of not helping as much as I should around the house I admit to that, I dont know what she means by not supporting her through her 1st bout I think we had a fight once and I told her to take her happy pills....I know this was wrong. Is it coming off the meds or do people just give up on marriages without trying????


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## jhult (Oct 31, 2011)

My wife gave me that speech back in October, but we still share a home and bedroom. Like your wife, my wife stopped taking anti-depressants without doctor recomendation and she stopped cold turkey, which is the worst thing you can do. I wish I had a magic solution for you, but all you can do is try to change and be a better person. You cannot change her feelings. The best thing to do is be there for your kids and let her know you are there for her if/when she is ready. 
Do not follow her around and do not try to do too much too fast. This will backfire and push her more away. I was doing this and the only thing I would get from my wife was that I was being annoying and trying too hard. So, I quit doing it, but kept being the great dad and husband I know I have always been. I also told her that although I am not trying to diminish her feelings, my feelings matter as well. She told me that she cannot help the way she feels, and I called BS on that and said she has to want to, or it will never happen. Her response was that she was still in our house for a reason. She also agreed to go to counseling again. So, I am hoping for the best, but will keep doing what I have been doing.
Do not beg, plead, or kiss her you know what. Start working on yourself and if she decides to follow then great. If not, her loss. Divorce does not normally make people happier unless they were in an abusive relationship. She will likely discover that.


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KenCasanova (Jan 3, 2012)

Your wife is confused and If I were you, I'd consider counselling. But her saying she doesn't love you anymore is quite damning when you consider you guys are married.

good luck


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

Thank you for your reply and advice. I THINK she consulted her Dr prior to coming off the meds and lowered the dosage accordingly. My confusion is that after 9 years 2 beautiful kids a happy home environment and being part of a nice community she just comes out of the blue 3 days b4 Christmas and says "I don't love you anymore" she refuses to speak with an MC or give the chance to try and rectiy/change what has been bothering her. She speaks in a spiteful tone and it seems that it's ALL my fault. As I mentioned this has happened over the last 3 weeks and I've gone down the route of groveling, pleading, apologizing, telling her I love her and that I will do whatever it takes etc etc etc and none of it has helped one bit, I wrote her a 6 page letter which I notice she took. She is now living at her parents with our children. This morning I'm seeing a Councillor on my own and I have made the decision to not contact her. The good thing on your behalf is that your wife stayed and is the same room as you (**** that must be extremely difficult) mine has completely switched off. I am a good dad and I adore my kids as adore her too. I just find it hard that someone can fall out of love so quickly.....it's not as if we were single without any kids, home and only being hooked up for a short time. I'm going to implement the 180 plan that I have read about in these forums and work on getting my head back in the right space. As I said, I feel that she has depression again and all this resentment is focused on me as I am an easy target....I don't know....maybe shes right and she just doesnt love me anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

KenCasanova said:


> Your wife is confused and If I were you, I'd consider counselling. But her saying she doesn't love you anymore is quite damning when you consider you guys are married.
> 
> good luck


Yeah I agree Ken, it is quite damning. I am seeing a Councillor this morning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jhult (Oct 31, 2011)

It is very hard to still be sharing a bed and not being intimate. I am sure you are thinking "how the heck did we end up here?" My wife told me that she had been feeling this way for about a year, but never said anything. It took a pretty big fight for it to finally come out. 
We went to a marriage counselor twice that did pretty much nothing. I found my own counselor, went two times by myself and my wife joined me the third time. She agreed to go again. My wife has alot of self issues she needs to deal with before any feelings for me could return. Like they say, you have to love yourself before you can love somebody else. I told her that I want nothing more than her happiness, and that either it is with me, or it is not. She can make the choice to either get the rewards of me becoming a better person, or my next wife will. 
Also, my wife has a history of not being forthcoming with information, so I was caught off guard as well. Just keep doing what you are doing and work on yourself. Do whatever you can to be there for the kids and let her know that you are there if/when she is ready to work on the marriage. The biggest obstacle for me right now is that divorce is an acceptable practice in her family. It is not in my family.


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