# Infidelity, why does it surround me?



## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

I have been taking leave from TAM and visit infrequently now, every few day or a week or so. Gets a bit heavy from time to time.

Today I have read and posted on a few threads about karma and what we as BSs have had to put up with and the lies told by WWs that ruin our credibility.

Well I just sat here and thought about this, why is my life surrounded by infidelity?

My father was a serial cheater and womanizer, my brothers are the same, my sister seemed to spread her legs for any half decent looking bloke, my EXW cheated on me with the gym members list, my W had an EA with a long ago EXBF on the internet and my 18yr old daughter called me this morning to tell me to expect her mom on the phone when she gets back from her trip because T*** was caught banging his personal trainer last night , last year a buddies now EXGF tried to blackmail me into an affair and it turns out she had most of the guys in their neighborhood, my work colleague is fratenizing with the enemy(him being the EXBF) and is getting far too cozy with him.

Is there so little value placed in honesty and truth in this day and age that a relationship is doomed before it starts?

Sorry for the ramble


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

It is good to have a rest from TAM when it seems that the whole world is going to hell.

Sex is cheap. Honesty and commitment are difficult.

A little game may help, but ultimately there are flaws in any partner. Some jump into trouble head first. Others seem to be like the frog in the pot of ever warming water.

We have learned the script. We have learned what the red flags look like.

Use your new skills to find a better prospect. Realize that there are lots of lemons.

Realize that being married is not your only option.

Decide what your risk v. reward is for a new person. Minimize the risks before, during, and after you commit to anyone.

Then let God sort out the crap.

Lol! It seems that there are too many cliché things to say. Just remember that we are here to help and reflect on as you move forward.


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## thebadguy (Dec 7, 2012)

I would expect the pattern within your family can be traced in various ways to your father...which, I would be curious what he would say about his parents.

You have picked people (unknowingly) who fit the pattern of your relationships with your parents. I would think changing that would involve evaluating your relationships with your parents (for a start). 

I do the same thing. My dad was a cheater. And I have now been on both sides of the fence.

And it is the same, for example, with people who come from abusive homes. They frequently either become the abuser or pick someone who will be.

Without hard work and conscious effort we repeat the patterns over and over hoping for a different outcome that resolves the original wound.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

On the whole my W is working very hard at healing the wounds inflicted, if anything things are better now than they ever have been.

My reflection comes from a realization that how ever much I try to keep to myself and stay true to what I believe, there are 10 other guys out there who are fooling around, 10 other women who are looking outside their marriage.

They need to have morality classes in schools.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

WM the only thing that will teach cheaters is

Consequences

55


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## Derryn Hunch (Feb 25, 2014)

AHHAHA I always think this...

Father - Cheated and affairs ongoing consistently from my first memories at about 3yrsold and still ongoing now

First GF - Serial Cheater, even ended up blaitantly two timing me and I was too young stupid and in love to grow some balls 

Felt a little damaged after that first time burnt - so really held back for a year or so till next relationship...

Next relationship... back on the horse, back with the love face and back on with the rosey coloured glasses!

Was with her (living seperately) initially for a year before we move in together.

6 months into living together - by complete accident and total surprise - I get my second solid kick in the teeth for being such a sucker and letting my bitter guard down. In return for my "getting back on the horse" and "having faith in humanity and learning to trust again despite being burnt first time.." when I uncover solid indisputable evidence that my wonderful caring amazing sweet girlfriend was actually one of the most popular escorts (Prositutes) in town! She had websites, forums where people would chat about what they did with her all day long and how "above and beyond the call of duty" she would go for them with extra activities etc etc...

This started around when we met and was in full swing the entire 12 months before we decided to move in!

Turns out she wasn't working the 9-5 as an office assistant afterall! lol

I've had a number of girlfriends (like about 8 maybe?) since then to now and every single one of them has cheated. 

I am pretty "eye on the ball" with this stuff now as you would expect... but surely I am not just the unluckiest guy in the world though? It makes me wonder, how many people have their head in the sand and have no idea that a good number of their partners have all cheated on them or currently are... just living in bliss completely incapable of imagining the possibility...


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

wranglerman, you can't control others' actions. So don't think about them unless you want to expose them.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

My WS came from a huge family of cheaters. Surprise! Now I worry constantly my children will either become cheats themselves or marry one.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I can see it running through families for several reasons.

Mental illness can be one. Dysfunctional upbringing would be another. Hidden abuse... a long list of crap can lead to broken adults.


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## not recognizable (Mar 19, 2011)

"Is there so little value placed in honesty and truth in this day and age that a relationship is doomed before it starts?"

Yes.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

There is no question that the goal posts have been moved over the years.
Of all the married male friends from my generation (born in the 60's) that I know well enough to 'know', virtually all have either had affairs or been unfaithful.

It has become so easy to communicate; mobile phones, Whats App, email, internet etc.
Both partners now have to work to make ends meet so we interact more with other people. 
One of the reasons Africa has such a population problem is that electricity has yet to reach many places. 
So no TV etc means husbands and wives are 'forced' to spend more time together = more sex etc.

In the 'developed' world we work harder and longer = less time to spend on our spouses.
Inevitably with greater social interaction between us temptation is going to present itself more often than it did in previous generations.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Derryn Hunch said:


> AHHAHA I always think this...
> 
> Father - Cheated and affairs ongoing consistently from my first memories at about 3yrsold and still ongoing now
> 
> ...


What are all the factors that these girls have in common?

It seems that you kept on picking the same kind.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

A recent pan-European study with a large sample size and self-admitted cheating showed that cheating ranged from a low of about 30% for women in the UK to a high of about 55% for men in Italy and France. Overall, the percentages were around 40% or more for all populations, groups, countries, and genders, etc. I think the percentages are probably higher, as these are self-admitted cheaters. I also think the ranges apply to the USA and Canada.

Clearly, infidelity is common everywhere, and isn't going away.


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