# Not sure where this belongs



## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

So, I'm not sure where I should post this. I'm just looking for some input. The issue is that I feel like my wife settled for me. Like, even if she loves me, she isn't in love with me. I know I wasnt someone that she fell head-over-heels in love with and needed me in her life, which is kinda the way things were for me. Ultimately, it seems like there is an imbalance. Our relationship had been very up and down before we actually started dating. We weren't dating long before she got pregnant. It feels like she harbors a lot of resentment and anger. I kinda feel like I'm just waiting for the day she meets someone who triggers her emotions the way she triggers mine. I know it's kinda vague, and it might just be in my head(I know I probably should seek some counseling or therapy). If y'all would like more of a background, I can provide. It'll just be a long post.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long have two of you been married? How old are you both?

How good do you feel about other things in your life? your job? your friends? Do you tend to have a lot of self doubt?


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

Both 31. Been married a year. Together for 8. Up and down/off and on for 4 years prior.
Honestly, I'm always worried about work. Work in the oilfield. Third job this year. Was laid off, then left the last job for my current job for more money.


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

Few close friends that we try to socialise with. Really hit or miss due to work schedules. A little self doubt. Some self esteem issues from earlier in life. Usually the quiet type who just shoulders everything.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

What behavior makes you feel as though she's not in love with you? Do you think she married you simply because you got her pregnant? If you do, why?

Have you always felt like she wasn't fully invested in the relationship? Or was there a period when you felt she was all in?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

NoremacWeaponX said:


> So, I'm not sure where I should post this. I'm just looking for some input. The issue is that I feel like my wife settled for me. Like, even if she loves me, she isn't in love with me. I know I wasnt someone that she fell head-over-heels in love with and needed me in her life, which is kinda the way things were for me. Ultimately, it seems like there is an imbalance. Our relationship had been very up and down before we actually started dating. We weren't dating long before she got pregnant. It feels like she harbors a lot of resentment and anger. I kinda feel like I'm just waiting for the day she meets someone who triggers her emotions the way she triggers mine. I know it's kinda vague, and it might just be in my head(I know I probably should seek some counseling or therapy). If y'all would like more of a background, I can provide. It'll just be a long post.


Give it all to us! Your with friends here.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

How’s the sex, quality and quantity? And general intimacy/closeness outside the bedroom?


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

Well, I don't seem to see any changes in her. If we ever argue, she doesn't have issues with cursing and berating me and even bringing up old things(although relevant, past events I thought we'd gotten past). I'm usually the one initiating sex. Or any physical contact for that matter. If I happen to place my hand on her thigh rubbing my thumb back and forth, I'm usually told to stop. Her excuse is that it hurts. She abhors and chastises any PDA. At our wedding, my uncle missed his "you may kiss the bride" picture and asked us to reenact it. Her response was, "nah". Embarassed the hell out of me. She's embarassed me a few times in front of friends. My opinion isn't valued very highly, at least not above what other people see and think. It's basically a lot of little things.
The changes I refer to, are along the lines of changes I've noticed in myself through the years. I used to not care for PDA, but now I dont really care. I mean, I'm with the one person I love and want to be with. Her opinion is the only one that matters, everyone else can go somewhere. I used to be very stout in arguments. Now, I usually try to refrain from flying off, in fear that I'll say something I regret.
Our relationship has always felt kinda the same. There was a slump a few years back where we weren't having much sex. She attributed it to medicine.
I honestly think if she hadn't gotten pregnant, we probably wouldn't be together. Our history shows that.


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

Just to be upfront. We've never had serious issues(i.e. infidelity, substance abuse, gambling addiction, or any kind of abuse between each other or in our pasts).


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

Sex is ok. Couple times a week, with 2 kids isn't bad. Of course, I'd like more, but I've got a high sex drive. Quality isn't bad. I have a few kinks(nothing extreme) that we've tried before. But I'm not gonna beg if I know she isn't into it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NoremacWeaponX said:


> Well, I don't seem to see any changes in her. If we ever argue, she doesn't have issues with cursing and berating me and even bringing up old things(although relevant, past events I thought we'd gotten past). I'm usually the one initiating sex. Or any physical contact for that matter. If I happen to place my hand on her thigh rubbing my thumb back and forth, I'm usually told to stop. Her excuse is that it hurts. She abhors and chastises any PDA. At our wedding, my uncle missed his "you may kiss the bride" picture and asked us to reenact it. Her response was, "nah". Embarassed the hell out of me. She's embarassed me a few times in front of friends. My opinion isn't valued very highly, at least not above what other people see and think. It's basically a lot of little things.
> 
> The changes I refer to, are along the lines of changes I've noticed in myself through the years. I used to not care for PDA, but now I dont really care. I mean, I'm with the one person I love and want to be with. Her opinion is the only one that matters, everyone else can go somewhere. I used to be very stout in arguments. Now, I usually try to refrain from flying off, in fear that I'll say something I regret.
> 
> ...


How old is your baby?

How much quality time do the two of you spend together doing thing that you both enjoy. Just the two of you with no one else involved?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NoremacWeaponX said:


> Sex is ok. Couple times a week, with 2 kids isn't bad. Of course, I'd like more, but I've got a high sex drive. Quality isn't bad. I have a few kinks(nothing extreme) that we've tried before. But I'm not gonna beg if I know she isn't into it.


2 kids? Does this mean that the one of you have a child from another relationship?


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

Our oldest is 7. Our youngest is 1. No, we had decided to quit using birth control a couple of years ago. Kind of a "let's try for another" and "well we dont want too big of an age gap between the kids" thing.


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

We usually try to plan at least one date night a week, just us 2.
During the week she works 8-5, so when I am home we'll spend lunch together. After the kids go to sleep, we usually watch a mutual show and talk, but lately she's been going to bed early.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

It seems that, ( sorry) you were a safe bet a caregiver and provider to her. You gave everything no one else could SAFETY and it started at the moment when asked to redo the kiss at the wedding.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She goes to bed early because 1 year olds are unpredictable and require 24/7 love and attention. She gets a head start on sleep, knowing she must get up a couple times a night for feedings and diaper changes. Mothers need sleep, too. 
.
She is likely burned out from managing two children. Hopefully, the 7 year old is an easy child.

Things will get better in five years!!!


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

Yea Tilted, it's something I haven't been able to shake since about when our oldest was born.
SunCMars, our youngest is actually 15 months, she sleeps through the night. When she does wake up, I usually see about her when I'm home. She does haveta wake up early, so I can understand.


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

Been trying to post our backstory, but I'm at work and as I get into it, I get called for stuff. So just bear with me.


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

Met the summer after she graduated. She graduated a year after me due to her late birthday. We both played guitar and decided to hang out. At the time, she had a boyfriend, and I'd just gotten out of a year long relationship. Since she wasn't single, I wasnt pressing for more than friendship. After a few months of hanging out, partying, and getting to know each other, I knew I cared about her. Once summer ended, she went to college about 3 hours away and basically ghosted me. No replies from text. No calls. No contact on social media. Nothing. Disheartened, but ok, worry about me. I was in college, playing music, working, etc. Fast forward close to a couple years. She shows up at my house during a party. Now, she's single. We start hanging out again. Progressed to make out sessions, but no indication of anything serious. She goes back to school, but this time she stays in touch.

Invites me to stay the weekend to party at her school. Save a little money, go. She's flirty. After we see a local band, we go back to her place for a party. Waiting for people to show up, I pass out on the couch(drunk and tired from working all day then driving). She goes to bed. Wake up to banging around 9. It's the band and others her to party. Everybody wakes up and continues. Rest of the night I kinda feel like a fifth wheel. Leaves me inside to go outside and smoke. Leaves me in one room to visit in another. Generally, just felt unwanted. Night winds down, she goes to bed. I sleep on the couch. Wake up in the morning, expecting to start partying and watch football games, but I'm told I have to leave. Something came up, I couldn't stay.

Ok, whatever. Find out on social media the something that came up was a girls trip to watch a movie. Feel pretty ****ty, but whatever. After about a week of talking, she says it isn't gonna work. Ok. No more contact. About a year later, she shows up at a local bar. Tells my friend she's changing schools to one closer. My friend tells me she's asking about me. We start talking again. Doesn't past kissing. After a few months, she quits talking to me. See her at parties and bars with other guys. I tell her to lose my number and dont reply to anything. It was the summer of 2010 at this point. One of my best friends passes. She knew him. She's back in town. We keep in contact after that. She calls me to go out and party, but that's about it. I'm keeping distance. When January rolls around, we're partying, I end up telling her how I feel. We hook up. Start dating exclusively. Come April, she's pregnant. By this point, she's said she thinks she loves me. Most of our discussions are about what we're going to do. A few times she strays into "we want different things out of life, I dont think we're gonna work, we're just too different". In May she tells me "I know I love you, but I think I'm actually in love with you"(verbatim). She continues school, I get my EMT and go to work on an Ambulance. Baby's born. We move into a rent house. 

Live decently while she goes to school and works part time. Our communication isn't great. Mainly because I couldn't talk about work. Some stuff she wouldn't want to hear, some she wouldn't understand. Sex drops off, unless she's drinking. During this time, I felt very unwanted I guess is as good a word as any. Not a lot of arguing, but very heated arguments. 1 argument started when I got off early. I picked up the baby from daycare. Texted her "Dont worry about picking her up". She didnt read the text, went to the daycare, then lost her ****. She called me, and after I told her I had the kid, she went ballistic on me. She gets home and continues. Ends with, "**** like this makes me want to pack my **** and leave". This isn't the only time she's said something like that. Probably said it 2 or 3 times total during arguments. After 4 years, I change jobs for more money. After 15 months, I change jobs again. She's gotten her degree by then and is working full time. We find out we're pregnant again. We buy a house. I'm in the process of packing while she's at work, and I find old diaries just thrown in a cabinet. Total invasion of privacy, but i started flipping through them. 

Check the most recent. It's almost full. Last entry was 4 years ago. Start flipping through. In a book with roughly 300 entries(spanning after she graduated till when we moved into the rent house) I'm mentioned a total of 3 times. One is in reference to guitar. One is comparing me to other guys and how she doesn't see herself with me. And the last one is right after we found out she was pregnant, and it's a scathing rant. Talks about how stupid I am, how I have no drive or vision, belittling any ideas I had at the time, and explaining how she never really wanted to be with me, she really liked my buddy who passed away. Needless to say I didnt do much packing that day. Also found an entry the day after we found out she was pregnant where an old boyfriend(who she'd confessed to being in love with in previous entries) showed up and they talked. The entry explicitly states they just talked. He came over to try to win her back. Her response was that she was with me now, so it wasnt happening. She added how even if she wasn't pregnant she doesnt think she'd have gone back to him. When she got off, she *****ed at me about not packing. I didnt say anything. 

2 days later we moved. After moving, I left for my 14 hitch. I went passive aggressive when she eventually asked me what's wrong. Told her I had read a book that disturbed me. Told her which box it was in if she wanted to read it. She came back complaining about invasion of privacy and those were old and she was pregnant and emotional. I never brought up the entry about her ex. It honestly slipped my mind. She asked if I'd read the last entry, which said that she, "loves our little family". I wanted to say, "loving our family has **** to do with me", but I left it alone. I was too tired to argue. That was last year. Now, she still has no reservations when we argue. She doesnt have a problem belittling 

/berating me or taking her day out on me. The few times I've brought it up, she says she's sorry, but doesn't restrain herself. Usually when I bring up issues, she gets very defensive. It's almost like it's "me and her" instead of "us", if that makes sense.

I should also add, we're from a small rural area. I know all her exbfs except for the one mentioned above. I'm actually really close friends with one of her exes, we've been friends forever. So, I've heard the sex stories. It doesnt bother me that she's been with the guys she's been with. What does bother me is the willingness with which she's done some things, but with me I really only get the same sex routine. I'm not trying to throw her past in her face and embarass her, but when I bring up what I'd like, she doesn't want to/doesnt like it, even though I've heard different.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

First, for you OWN sake, start getting in shape, etc. for YOUR self esteem. You need to work on YOU and like yourself first.

You've pretty much seen what she thinks of you, and berating you in arguments show very little respect.

I think you have a valid set of issues here -- this isn't you imagining things. You need to evaluate your life and see if you really want someone like this in your life.
YES you have kids, but think of the role model of what marriage is like that you are showing them...
Very sorry that you have someone like this for your partner.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NoremacWeaponX said:


> I should also add, we're from a small rural area. I know all her exbfs except for the one mentioned above. I'm actually really close friends with one of her exes, we've been friends forever. So, I've heard the sex stories. It doesnt bother me that she's been with the guys she's been with. What does bother me is the willingness with which she's done some things, but with me I really only get the same sex routine. I'm not trying to throw her past in her face and embarass her, but when I bring up what I'd like, she doesn't want to/doesnt like it, even though I've heard different.


I'm going to address this first. Why on earth would you discuss your wife's sexual past with others? You need to realize that people lie. And this is a topic that they lie and embellish about often. I've heard rumors about myself and most of them never happened. It is completely disrespectful of you to discuss your wife like this with other people, especially other men.

But let's say for arguments sake that she did do something with some guy... that does no mean that she liked it or that it's something that she wants to ever do again.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Casual observer, has a thread and it shows the mistakes he's made and wished he done things differently. You may want to check that thread out. And yes it confirms my suspicions where your at. Start here:

Long term consequences of lies/omissions & RJ

Then order the below

https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-NUTs-Relationship-Manual/dp/0979054400


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

And this: 
https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

You know NWX, I would read those books first and see what you feel before you do anything else. They may be the start to a new life, if your willing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with @jlg07.

The first thing you need to do is work on yourself. What things to do you for yourself? Do you work out?

You have some real issues. The one that stands out the most is that your wife is disrespectful. It sounds like she's frustrated with her life and takes it out on you. That means that she does not have good coping skills and kicking you is her main coping mechanism. Not cool.

One thing you need to do is to stop ever engaging with her when she's starts beating up on you verbally. That's actually a form of emotional abuse. 

How often do the two of you end up in an argument/discussion in which she starts putting you down?


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

My god man sounds like to me you need to run . Chances are she is in love with someone else .


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

First, I'd like to address the sex issue. I don't discuss our sex life. As I said I've been friends with her ex for a long time. Since before I met her. Which is when i was privy to some of these stories. The guy in question is a pretty trustworthy guy from my stand point. I wont say he hasn't embellished because I'm sure he has, most guys do. And the issue isn't that she's been with this guy. The issue is some of the things she openly and willingly wanted to do and even initiated in some cases. It just adds to the nagging sensation that she's settled for me. Why wouldn't she be just as open if not more to her husband?
Also, because of my self esteem issues, I'm kind of a fitness geek. I used to religiously stay in the gym. Lately, my schedule has been hectic and the gym has suffered, but with it leveling out, I'm starting to get back to it. I'm no Adonis chiseled from stone. My diet hasn't been great and I'm definitely in the dad bod shape. But I've always loved working out and it stays a staple in my routine.
I'm still involved in music. Not as active as I'd like to be, but still staying in decent shape. I used to be extremely active in sports and I've been trying to get my daughter involved in something.
I've actually got the Married Man Sex Life Primer in my bag and have been reading it for a couple days. I'll have to check the other one out.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

A Beta man is it? Look it up.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Actually it in the book you have jump to that chapter and read and reread, sometimes the hardest things a man can do is lie to himself. The greatest warriors l knew we're once average until they became MARINES... They adapt then over came any challenge before them.


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

I don't think she's in love with anyone to be honest. By that I mean anyone at all.
I dont want to paint her in a negative light. She's a wonderful mom. I know she struggles when I'm not home with work and the kids. And I make sure to show my appreciation. It just feels like we aren't on the same page as to what our relationship is to each other. Idk if that makes any sense. Like, when she comes home, I know she's tired. I'll ask how she is, how she's feeling. If she wanted to cook, I'll offer instead. No? Then, let's just order something. If she says she wanted to do something like clean the kitchen or something, I'll tell her, "don't worry about it, I'll get it tomorrow."
When I get home from 14 days on a drilling rig, I'll go directly to sleep. When I wake up, I'm bombarded with questions. "This needs to be fixed, when are you gonna do it? Why didnt you wake up earlier and do this? You could've at least cut the grass?"
We don't argue that much. Mainly because I dont like arguing with her. I come from a loud family if I started to get angry there's no telling what I might say. I've never wanted something to come out that I couldn't take back, so usually bite my tongue and let her rant. If I happen to snap back, she'll start bringing up old stuff.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Read your story and I think I know what your problem is. 

She’s an a**hole.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Well, you can't improve the communication skills if you don't practice, when errors are made learn to correct them. That's what women wants want engagement communication. Then you learn to do it better.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NoremacWeaponX said:


> First, I'd like to address the sex issue. I don't discuss our sex life. As I said I've been friends with her ex for a long time. Since before I met her. Which is when i was privy to some of these stories. The guy in question is a pretty trustworthy guy from my stand point. I wont say he hasn't embellished because I'm sure he has, most guys do. And the issue isn't that she's been with this guy. The issue is some of the things she openly and willingly wanted to do and even initiated in some cases. It just adds to the nagging sensation that she's settled for me. Why wouldn't she be just as open if not more to her husband?
> 
> Also, because of my self esteem issues, I'm kind of a fitness geek. I used to religiously stay in the gym. Lately, my schedule has been hectic and the gym has suffered, but with it leveling out, I'm starting to get back to it. I'm no Adonis chiseled from stone. My diet hasn't been great and I'm definitely in the dad bod shape. But I've always loved working out and it stays a staple in my routine.
> 
> ...


I was married to a guy who acted a lot the way your wife does... yes down to the sex. I also read his diaries. They were much more negative about me then what you describe about you're wife's diary. Apparently I could not do anything right and he defined a negative motive to everything thing I did.

What I came to realize is that I am the only person I can change. Things got a lot better with me when I started focusing on myself. In many ways things also got a lot better in our marriage too. My attitude about myself did lead to some change in his behavior and apparently attitude. 

One thing that changed our relationship for the better is that I got to the point where I refused to engage with him when he would start going after me verbally. I told him I was going to do this. That when I could tell that the conversation was getting angry and would explode into his angry attacks at me, I would just walk away and it was his job to calm himself down. After doing this a few times, when I would end a conversation that was about to turn into an angry attack and/or shouting match, he would grab is helmet and go for a bike ride for an hour or so. When he came back he was much calmer can could act like a respectable human.

What I figured out is that then he was in a mood and would come at me angrily, I would try to explain and defend myself. And the more I did the more angry he got, and the more he would yell and put me down. There was one day when he walked in from work and just started going after me verbally. And the light went off in my head. I can still see the entire scene in my head. He was just putting me down, complaining about me, etc. And all I could see was a man who hated himself and was really using me as a proxy for himself. That was the first time that I just walked away. "Hm, you angry at yourself? Sounds pretty bad." 

What I learned is that I, yes me, was part of the problem. I was allowing him to use me as his verbal punching bag. When I stopped allowing it, he stopped too. He had to find other ways to handle his own problems.

Some people say awful things when they are upset or angry. They write them in diaries too. And once it's out of their mouth, there is no taking them back. It's better to not allow that kind of outburst in your relationship.

Some of the other posters suggested some books for you to read. The book Married Man Sex Life Primer (MMSL) is written by a man who used to be a member here on TAM and then decided that he was an expert and found a way to make a lot of money selling nonsense. He’s got as much expertise in the subject as anyone else on this forum, no more than that. But he figured out how to write click bate and make money on the internet. The basic premise of the book is ok, that a man needs to work on himself and become the best version of himself. But the rest of his message is just wrong headed. He uses junk science and misrepresents scientific studies in the book. He talks about how women lose value as they age, and men gain value as they age. There is also a lot of other nonsense in the book that denigrates women. A man does not have to denigrate his wife and women to better himself. Not anymore than a woman (like your wife) has to denigrate a man (you) to build herself up. This book has been discussed here on TAM a lot. There are some long threads on about the book.

A lot of relationships end up where yours is. I've read some studies done about couples whose marriage is not going well. The researchers follow them for about 5 years. After that 5-year period, 85% of them have worked through their issues and report that they are happy in their marriages. Relationships ebb and flow. You have an opportunity where to turn this around. 

You definitely need to work on your own self esteem. You need to learn to not allow ugly/angry outbursts to happen with your wife. And your relationship needs an overhaul. Whether you read those other books or not, I am going to suggest two books that would help you and your wife restructure your marriage in a way that will build passion and love. A good marriage takes work. But most of us have no idea what that looks like. These books teach that. They are meant for both of you to read and work together on. The books are “Love Busters” and “His Needs, Her Needs”. Read them in that order. After you have read them and done the work on your own, you will be better able to talk to your wife about all this. Then ask her to read them with you and do the work together.

The reason for reading “Love Busters” first is that you both have to stop the lover busters before you can fix your marriage. Love busters are the things that kill the love in a relationship. For example your wife’s angry outbursts at you are a love buster.. HUGE love buster. She has to stop this. I’m sure that there are things that you do that are love busters too. She’s probably already told you a lot of these. Love busters need to be identified and stopped. Then you can both set out to identify our needs and how each of you can meet the other person’s needs. It’s clear that your wife is not meeting your needs, and I’m not just talking about sex. And from what you tell us about your wife, you are not meeting a lot of her needs either because she would not be acting the way she is if her needs were being met. 

You have been together for about 7 years. For some reason many, if not most, relationships go through a trouble spot at about the 7-year mark. It’s so common it has a name, the “7-year itch”.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

NW, you DO have serious issues. From my perspective, she's already checked out. She's a little like a guy who is in his last year of work: He's just going through the motions. I've seen guys who have actually retired on the job! That's your W.
I'd bet her mind is somewhere else, or with SOMEONE else.


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

I appreciate the advice. I'll definitely check those books out, Ele. And try that walking away technique. I know there's some things I do or don't do, that'll trigger her. I don't feel the need to clean every single day(in my mind we have 2 kids that'll tear it up as soon as we clean, and I'm not trying put my house in an issue of Better Homes), so it doesn't bother me if the house is a little messy. She, on the other hand, is obsessed with having a clean house. I do hear **** pretty regularly about it whether it's "our house is a wreck" or "why couldn't you clean, you were home today?"
I have taken on more inside the house, especially if I'm home. I try to make sure laundry and dishes are taken care of for her. But I take on more in the house, and she complains about me not doing more work outside. If I busy myself with outside work, she complains about having to do all the household chores. I never bring up that I work a whole lot harder than she does(it's extremely tough manual labor, and as you rise in the rankings just as tough mentally), but I constantly hear things like, "I worked all day, you didn't" or "I shouldn't have to come home from work and do this stuff."
It just seems like if I'm not doing something around the house, she's not satisfied.
The ***** of it is, I'm not like this with anyone else. I've never let people walk all over me. I dont really care for confrontation, but I'm not afraid of it. And I've never had issues standing up for myself. I know with some of these things, if it were anyone else, I wouldn't have put up with it. Hell, I've ended relationships for less.(I should add during the time before we became exclusive, I dated around when we weren't talking. Should've added that earlier. Just realised it might've looked like I was sitting around waiting for her.)


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## NoremacWeaponX (Sep 28, 2019)

And it's not like she bosses me around. She's pretty good about asking what I think about things(though more than a few times my advice isn't really heeded), and checking with me about my schedule before we make plans. It just seems like I'm changing and adapting to fill her needs and not hit those buttons that turn her off, but she's not, or at least not really. For example, I dont care much for other people's opinion. She knows this. I didnt just wake up one day deciding everyone can go **** themselves. It took a good amount of time for me to get here(coming from a place where I cared way too much about what other people thought). She'll say things like, "you need to cut the grass before the neighbors say anything". **** the neighbors. We dont live in a gated community or a suburb where it's part of the buyers agreement. They don't like it, they can move, or cut my grass for me. Either way, I'll cut it when I feel like it.
When she got pregnant again, one of her coworkers said something to the effect of, "with a 2nd kid, has your husband decided to grow up and sell his motorcycle?"
She spent a month trying to convince me to sell it. It wasnt until I said, "I like it. It isn't going anywhere." That she stopped.


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