# I feel rejected



## Jarlet20 (May 21, 2010)

I really need help and I don't even know where to start from. I have been married for only for almost 2 months, I have been with my husband for 6 years but we did not live together. When we first started dating I was 17 he was 19, I lost my virginity to him he had been my first in everything. Of course at the beginning we use to do it often as time went on we learned a lot of new things from each other and we were going at it like crazy, I remember that the most sex we had was when I was 20 and he was 22. Now we recently got married and I am 23 he is 25, before the wedding we chose not to have sex for 6 months so I was feeling very anxious to be with him. Our wedding night nothing happened until the next day, in our honey moon we only did it twice and now that we are leaving together it only happens once a week, he does not seem to be attracted to me anymore. The only reason why we have sex once a week is because we argue about it so he feels like he must do it. I asked him what the problem is and he makes different excuses but the most common one is that I need to spice things up. I really don't know what to do about that because when I tried to where cute lingerie for him he said "take that off, you don't need to try those things are for old ladies" now I wear just shorts to bed thinking that maybe that's something that he wants but nothing. I could be changing in front of him and he does nothing, he never wants to shower with me. I am feeling very rejected, I am not a bad looking girl I weight 114 I am 5' and I'm always dressed up as my job requires me to be. Please someone give me some advice.


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## SweetiepieMI (Jan 22, 2010)

Hmmm......Im sorry that you are going through a dry patch. Im sure you will get all different opinions, but spicing things up can be alot of fun. And I know that it can be irritating when you wear the lingerie and he responds that way. I would suggest try sitting down and having a conversation (not confrontation) about what his ideas are for spicing up the relationship. You have to be open to hear and accept what he suggest, and even if he says stuff you would never consider, dont act all "wtf is that" etc.....instead be open and enjoy the fact he is able to share his ideas with you..

Hopefully he will, and another good idea is when bringing up the topic, you start with telling him something you are interested in- )could be anything, light bondage, strip lub, role play.....whatever you are comfortable with tht is out of the norm for you)

If you share first, he will be more likely to open up with his own ideas..... Hope it helps


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## corperategirl88 (May 10, 2010)

I totally understand why you feel rejected. It is very hard to put yourself out on there when you are not getting good feedback from your partner. i know this all to well, sometimes you feel like you wanna do something nice and spciy for him, but them he will say the wrong thing and turn it wayyy off. So next time you feel very wierd about doing it again, because you dont want to be rejected. Im going through this issue too, so i really dont have any advice...hell i need advice. lol


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Jarlet20 said:


> Our wedding night nothing happened until the next day, in our honey moon we only did it twice and now that we are leaving together it only happens once a week, he does not seem to be attracted to me anymore. The only reason why we have sex once a week is because we argue about it so he feels like he must do it.


know exactly how you feel. on my wedding night my H took me to a chinese buffet. he didnt even look at me. On our 1 yr anniversary night i tried to dress up but he wasnt interested. he just went to bed. 

i used to try the lingerie but got turned down so many times. after we started doing a boundaries in marriage book he started opening up to me emotionally. he told me that he resented me trying to "make" him have sex with me. Well, i lost it. i threw away any lingerie i had, burned the boundaries book, and never undressed in front of him again. i developed a temper so i started going to counseling for myself. I didnt like the person i had become. 

so my advice to you would be to listen to how you are feeling and respect that. Dont undress in front of him. never ask him for sex. stop wearing lingerie for him. and go to counseling for you. dont lose your self-esteem to this jerk. 

and decide what he needs to do for you to stay in the relationship. i told my H he had to go to counseling or I'd leave. He goes to counseling now. things are better between us although the sex is still practically non existent. i still feel like he only comes on to me out of obligation.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

It's always strange to me when a guy, especially a young guy isn't interested in that much sex particularly with an attractive woman. Just seems crazy!! And it doesn't seem normal to me...

Anyway, it sounds like you've made some efforts with sexy nighties, etc but have you asked him how he wants it spiced up? Some clear communication could be really key and let you know when he wants to get turned on. I can't be of much help because a light breeze usually gets me going. If my wife changes in front of me my eyes are glued to her. If she wears sexy lingerie then I'm giddy with anticipation. Being a guy who is ready and wanting sex almost 24/7 men of this caliber weird me out.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

It's just too weird for me too, and there must be a reason. I like to try to find clues in what people write, and I really, really, REALLY don't like him placing this kind of pressure and responsibility on you by telling you that you need to spice things up. There is a clue in there somewhere, and it's not just what he said. I believe there is more to come, but please DO NOT allow him to pressure you into doing things you don't like and don't feel comfortable with. I don't know why, but I have a feeling he plans to ask you to do something he knows you would normally object to doing. And that's why he has placed this pressure on you, so you feel less likely to object.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Have you asked him what he means by "spice things up"? Maybe he wants different positions, bjs and other stuff. 

Why don't you try wearing super SEXY lingerie like those Women's Lingerie, Sexy Lingerie, Sexy Clothes, Costumes, Corsets, Bodystockings at Discount Prices instead of "cute" ones and see how he reacts to that.

On the other hand, if you guys have done all that stuff, maybe he's secretly into porn or there's someone else.

You could both see a sex therapist as well.

*Blanca* I did everything (except the counseling part) you wrote and it just made us not have sex at all.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

cherrypie18 said:


> *Blanca* I did everything (except the counseling part) you wrote and it just made us not have sex at all.


LOL...sorry cherrpie i should probably be more clear when i say those things. My advice does not in anyway lead to sex. My advice is directed at those who i see as being in the same situation i was a few years ago: women constantly falling for their husbands stupid antics and tying themselves in knots to please a man that is not even interested. Women in those situations need to stop the self-destruction of their own self-esteem by stopping the continual pursuit of someone that is not interested. that's all. it doesnt give you sex, or a good marriage. But its the first step of many in getting back self-esteem, self-worth, and sanity.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Oh yeah I understand what you mean lol
But I thought I'd 'experiment" back then and stopped running after him just for a while thinking if I stop pursuing him he might actually miss me and come after me...NOT 

You know what though? When I actually really gave up on him, life got much much better!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

cherrypie18 said:


> Oh yeah I understand what you mean lol
> But I thought I'd 'experiment" back then and stopped running after him just for a while thinking if I stop pursuing him he might actually miss me and come after me...NOT
> 
> You know what though? When I actually really gave up on him, life got much much better!


Ya when i first backed off i did it to spite him- i thought, i'll show him! once again the joke was on me. he didnt give a crap that i backed off. he was probably relieved. that led to all sorts of resentment and anger on my part. but like you said, once you give up on them and do it for yourself things start to get better.


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## Jarlet20 (May 21, 2010)

Hi Everyone,
It's been about a week or so since I have posted my ad, and I've read all the postings that you have all posted. THANK YOU! I have tried some of the things that you guys have advice me to do such as ask him what he means "spicing it up." His response to this, was that he wants me to initiate sex meaning he wants me to make him feel wanted....the problem there is that I don't think that I should always be the one to initiate, and I also need to feel wanted. Also, I have noticed that we only have sex on the weekend, I'm not sure of what this means. I don't know if it's because he is tired or just because he thinks I will be furious by the end of the week.
What do you guys think?


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