# Bumble / Tinder



## TomorrowNeverKnows (Jan 27, 2012)

I'm recently divorced and haven't been single in nearly 15 years. I just started using Bumble and Tinder a about a month ago but have found it pretty time consuming and frustrating. I swipe what seems like hundreds of profiles each week and only get a few matches a day. Of the conversations I try to start on Tinder, only one went anywhere and resulted in a meetup. Is this par for the course for guys? As for Bumble, any attractive women that is a match with me never actually messages me. The only women that message me are women that after viewing their profile, I realize I'm not attracted to at all. I've heard that online dating is much more rewarding for women then men, but this just seems ridiculous. I'm 6'1, 180, fit, have a degree from a great school, and a good career. I've never had a problem meeting women but feel lost in this new dating landscape. I have very few single friends as my circle of friends has all been married with kids for several years now. I basically have no avenues to meet women through work or existing relationships. Is there some trick to Tinder / Bumble I'm missing or should I try more traditional stuff like speeding dating or finding some activity groups like hiking, sports etc...


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Unfortunately if your idea of attractive matches the mainstream ideas, and if that is a high priority for you, you are competing with many others. Are you attractive enough that women will want you just based on appearance?


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Paging @RandomDude


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## TomorrowNeverKnows (Jan 27, 2012)

Some women find me very attractive, while some others I'm not their type. I've been asked several times over the years if I'm an actor. I'm certainly not a male model but I have better than average looks.

Yes my idea of attractive matches the mainstream. Of the 20 or so women that either contacted me or replied to me, only one is as attractive as any of the women I've had serious relationships with in the past. i.e their not in my league. So unless I'm doing something wrong, I feel like it's a waste of time. Now I know one thing working against me is that I don't have amazing selfies of me doing cool and exciting things. Frankly I'm not a big social media person and don't waste time projecting some BS image of myself. I've been married with kids for the past 10 years so I don't have any recent pics of me jet skiing in the Caribbean or a group shot with a dozen other attractive single people at a Halloween party...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

*Answers Red Sonja 's summons*

Well OP, Tinder is very much a looks-based app, so you need your very best photo to get more matches.

Also, in the past men used to just swipe right all the time and pick the matches from there but now there's a limit... but men still swipe right all the time, so what happens is that women are very picky on the app, since most guys they swipe right to end up being a match.

I had around 24% respond rate to the women I swiped right to - and I swiped right to around 10 out of 500 photos (unlike most guys)

It does take time though, they didn't all respond automatically, like over the week. As a man, you are simply on queue 

Anyway, online dating is a numbers game, most of what you find will be crap but the occasional one is genuine. But even then, no promises that the genuine lady is long term potential. Tis life!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, if you'd like to filter your potential matches based on something other than looks, you may need to use one of the other online dating services. I had pretty good luck with Match and eHarmony. They both take more time to set up profiles and set your filters properly, and you may find that the overall number of potential matches is smaller, but the percentage of more realistic matches might be higher. Because it's not just "She's hot!" but "She's hot and she's an age appropriate, employed, non-smoker with a few shared interests!" Online dating, as with any other means of gaining introductions to strangers for the potential of finding someone to date, is always going to be a numbers game. But if you can figure out who you're looking for, the type of relationship you want, and filter your prospects from there, then you're likely to have better luck finding quality matches.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Your profile pic is probably not good enough. Or you have something weird on your profile.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

How much of a "profile" are you able to create on Tinder? I'm guessing it's a few pics and a brief description?

I'm guessing @RandomDude must be a pretty handsome fellow if he gets a 24% response rate, especially out of 10 girls. Or maybe he just "swiped" the right girls. 

What if you're not that good looking (or not that photogenic) by society's standards? Any chance of getting any hits or do you have to pretty hot stud or have a great career/income?


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## TomorrowNeverKnows (Jan 27, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> *Answers Red Sonja 's summons*
> 
> Well OP, Tinder is very much a looks-based app, so you need your very best photo to get more matches.
> 
> ...


Maybe I don't understand how Tinder works. It sounds like you are suggesting swiping right too often reduces your chances. What is your criteria for swiping right? 10 swipes for 500 profiles sounds ridiculously picky. I'm in LA and that would result in only swiping about 1 in 10 models / actresses that inundate Tinder here. I know I have high standards but it's hard not to swipe right at about 20% of the pics and there really isn't anything meaningful you can say in the profile other than a witty one liner or two...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You might want to try some other ways of meeting people as well. One that works pretty well is Find your people - Meetup The site is not a dating site. It's a site full of things for people to do. Here were I live there are a few hundred different meetups. For example there are meetups for white water rafting, hiking, walking/running groups, book reading & discussion groups, nights out for dinner, dancing, etc. It's a good way to meet people, to include women (in your case).


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## TomorrowNeverKnows (Jan 27, 2012)

JukeboxHero said:


> How much of a "profile" are you able to create on Tinder? I'm guessing it's a few pics and a brief description?
> 
> I'm guessing @RandomDude must be a pretty handsome fellow if he gets a 24% response rate, especially out of 10 girls. Or maybe he just "swiped" the right girls.
> 
> What if you're not that good looking (or not that photogenic) by society's standards? Any chance of getting any hits or do you have to pretty hot stud or have a great career/income?


Yes a few pics and a brief description. So you can't really judge on much else but looks. @RandomDude must be insanely good looking compared to me because I think I get about a 2-3% match rate. Then when I look at their other pics, I go "yikes! I guess I didn't look that carefully." I chatted briefly with a few girls I would have never dated just to get "practice". Of about 1000 swipe rights, I've had about 25 matches, of which only about 5 I'd approach at a bar. Of those 5, 2 responded, and resulted in 1 date. I think I could score more dates stalking women at Trader Joes...


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## TomorrowNeverKnows (Jan 27, 2012)

Celes said:


> Your profile pic is probably not good enough. Or you have something weird on your profile.


My profile says "I've been mistaken for the hip hop artist Edan on more than one occasion. Google him and you be the judge..."

I had never heard of him until a few years ago when this couple approached me in a bar asking for an autograph. I had to show them my ID to prove I wasn't him. When I Googled him, it kinda freaked me out because I really do look ALOT like him. So you tell me if he is ugly or if that's a weird thing to say for a Tinder profile - which is a sentence or two at most...

Edan:
http://www.humblemagnificent.com/pics/pics.html


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> You might want to try some other ways of meeting people as well. One that works pretty well is Find your people - Meetup The site is not a dating site. It's a site full of things for people to do. Here were I live there are a few hundred different meetups. For example there are meetups for white water rafting, hiking, walking/running groups, book reading & discussion groups, nights out for dinner, dancing, etc. It's a good way to meet people, to include women (in your case).


I concur with @EleGirl here. Meetup is awesome!!! 

At the very least, you can have fun doing whatever it is you enjoy doing and most big cities have meet-ups for just about an hobby or activity. As an added bonus, if any attractive, single women show up, you already know they have similar interests, so it's like 2 birds with one stone.

There are also single "meetup" groups. I haven't been to any of those yet, but I would assume they're mostly for trying to "meet-up" with members of the opposite sex and start some type of relationship.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Are those free sites? If so, you get what you pay for. Try a more discriminating paid site like eHarmony or EliteSingles. Meetup.com is good too for activities.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Model pretty women have lots and lots of options. Basically you cannot turn a corner without a guy offering you a drink or promising the world. And in LA the world they are promising is fame, fortune, exotic travel, luxury, you name it.

You want someone to notice you online, you'd best bring your A game and all the bs you can muster.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

TomorrowNeverKnows said:


> My profile says "I've been mistaken for the hip hop artist Edan on more than one occasion. Google him and you be the judge..."
> 
> I had never heard of him until a few years ago when this couple approached me in a bar asking for an autograph. I had to show them my ID to prove I wasn't him. When I Googled him, it kinda freaked me out because I really do look ALOT like him. So you tell me if he is ugly or if that's a weird thing to say for a Tinder profile - which is a sentence or two at most...
> 
> ...


Hmm his face looks good but his hair is ehhhh. Do you have a similar hair style?


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

TomorrowNeverKnows said:


> I'm recently divorced and *haven't been single in nearly 15 years.*
> 
> I'm 6'1, 180, fit, have a degree from a great school, and a good career.


Also, you are likely OLD relative to the youngsters on those sites. If you have kids, forget it. 35 - 45, right? See my previous for sites that are geared to more mature daters.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

TomorrowNeverKnows said:


> My profile says "I've been mistaken for the hip hop artist Edan on more than one occasion. Google him and you be the judge..."
> 
> I had never heard of him until a few years ago when this couple approached me in a bar asking for an autograph. I had to show them my ID to prove I wasn't him. When I Googled him, it kinda freaked me out because I really do look ALOT like him. So you tell me if he is ugly or if that's a weird thing to say for a Tinder profile - which is a sentence or two at most...
> 
> ...


I'd drop the Edan thing. He's not an attention getter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TomorrowNeverKnows (Jan 27, 2012)

Celes said:


> Hmm his face looks good but his hair is ehhhh. Do you have a similar hair style?


My hair is the same when it's long but I rarely let it grow out that much. It's usually long but not that wild.


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## TomorrowNeverKnows (Jan 27, 2012)

sapientia said:


> Also, you are likely OLD relative to the youngsters on those sites. If you have kids, forget it. 35 - 45, right? See my previous for sites that are geared to more mature daters.


Filters are set to women age appropriate for me 10 years younger to 5 years older. No interest in a student or anyone like that...


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

TomorrowNeverKnows said:


> My profile says "I've been mistaken for the hip hop artist Edan on more than one occasion. Google him and you be the judge..."
> 
> I had never heard of him until a few years ago when this couple approached me in a bar asking for an autograph. I had to show them my ID to prove I wasn't him. When I Googled him, it kinda freaked me out because I really do look ALOT like him. So you tell me if he is ugly or if that's a weird thing to say for a Tinder profile - which is a sentence or two at most...
> 
> ...


What kind of woman are you trying to attract? You're own age and stage of life?

Personally, I'd be turned off by a man your age with that on his profile. It's says "possible tool" or "mid-life crisis". If you are attempting humour, there are better ways to achieve that. I suggest you go for classy and confident, which are timeless traits always in high demand. You sound like you have intellect, stability, decent looks and money so emphasize those. These sites are like sending out resumes... you just want the interview, not necessarily the job.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TomorrowNeverKnows said:


> My profile says "I've been mistaken for the hip hop artist Edan on more than one occasion. Google him and you be the judge..."
> 
> I had never heard of him until a few years ago when this couple approached me in a bar asking for an autograph. I had to show them my ID to prove I wasn't him. When I Googled him, it kinda freaked me out because I really do look ALOT like him. So you tell me if he is ugly or if that's a weird thing to say for a Tinder profile - which is a sentence or two at most...
> 
> ...


Change the name on your profile to Edan, change you occupation to hip hop artist. >


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

TomorrowNeverKnows said:


> Filters are set to women age appropriate for me 10 years younger to 5 years older. No interest in a student or anyone like that...


That's fine. I was commenting on *your* age. Do you have any criteria other than age and a couple X chromosomes?


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## TomorrowNeverKnows (Jan 27, 2012)

sapientia said:


> What kind of woman are you trying to attract? You're own age and stage of life?
> 
> Personally, I'd be turned off by a man your age with that on his profile. It's says "possible tool" or "mid-life crisis". If you are attempting humour, there are better ways to achieve that. I suggest you go for classy and confident, which are timeless traits always in high demand. You sound like you have intellect, stability, decent looks and money so emphasize those. These sites are like sending out resumes... you just want the interview, not necessarily the job.


That all makes sense. I guess my experience comes from when I was first single again 3 years ago. I used ******* for about a month and got a ton of dates using silly one liners as openers. That resulted in a 3 year relationship but creating a profile and reading all those profiles was a TON of work.


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## TomorrowNeverKnows (Jan 27, 2012)

sapientia said:


> That's fine. I was commenting on *your* age. Do you have any criteria other than age and a couple X chromosomes?


I have zero criteria other than looks and age when swiping. Again I used ******* for about a month 3 years ago and found reading profiles and searching for matches not worth the time invested. I learned more within 5 minutes of meeting than weeks of e-mails and texting. I was a big fan of the 5-minute coffee meetup then go from there. That's what appealed to me about Bumble (not so much Tinder because of it's bad rep) but in practice I guess it's not what I expected...

Not sure if anyone has seen the movie the Lobster. It's an absurdist comedy about how ridiculous it is to pre-screen people with so many worthless criteria. Contrary to popular sentiment these days, looks are important and real. It's only superficial if it's the only thing that matters. They've driven sexual attraction since the beginning of time. And opposites do attract but would never meet online. I guess my point is chemistry is so much more important than a laundry list of matching criteria.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Well, in the end do what works, right? You aren't currently getting results you want, so do something different.

Good luck. Dating sucks, IMO.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well I had a 2% respond rate on match, so I wouldn't say I'm THAT attractive, but then again match.com is a scam so lol, also 24% is quite low, I only had a handful of matches too. Maybe I have been swiping right to the right girls as well - just lucky I guess. I go really fast on the app whenever I was idle, like a woman has 0.5 seconds to stop me from swiping left lol. Sometimes I go so fast it's... "oops! Oh sh-t!" when I swipe left accidentally lol

If matched then I filter them out in conversation, but I only dated one. I had much more success on ******* - 50% respond rate and two dates.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

RandomDude said:


> Well I had a 2% respond rate on match, so I wouldn't say I'm THAT attractive, but then again match.com is a scam so lol, also 24% is quite low, I only had a handful of matches too. Maybe I have been swiping right to the right girls as well - just lucky I guess. I go really fast on the app whenever I was idle, like a woman has 0.5 seconds to stop me from swiping left lol. Sometimes I go so fast it's... "oops! Oh sh-t!" when I swipe left accidentally lol
> 
> If matched then I filter them out in conversation, but I only dated one. I had much more success on ******* - 50% respond rate and two dates.


why do you say Match is a scam? My Roommate has had better luck on that site then most it seems. I feel it has higher quality candidates then some of the free sites like POF


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## TomorrowNeverKnows (Jan 27, 2012)

notmyrealname4 said:


> That Edan guy is very nice-looking, [goofy facial expressions notwithstanding].
> 
> And if you're over 6' and very lean at 180lbs, I can't imagine you having any problems physically attracting women.
> 
> ...


It's interesting - small sample size but the opinions of women so far are pretty much my self image. A couple have said Edan is nice looking, a couple others nothing special / not my type. I guess my big problem with swiping dating apps so far is that it seems that the category of women I'm accustomed to dating have WAY too many options. I don't think I stand out if you're swiping hundreds of profiles but I have pretty good success when I meet someone FTF and can strike up a conversation. I'm probably going to try meetups. Although profile matching sites worked for me 3 years ago, I found them very tedious and time consuming.

I have had one hookup on Tinder and always use a condom...


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Time to get a buddy to take some new pictures of you. Better yet, a girl relative that you have fun with, since your guy friends probably won't want to take as many pics as your girl cousin will be willing too.

Tell her...look...I need to get laid, so I need you to take some pictures that will make me look "do-able". 

Drop the reference to whoever you are talking about. It will be lost on waaaay too many women. Find a better witty thing to open with. Best wishes!


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

I have heard from people that are single that E Harmony is a good site. I don't know but my kids even call Tinder a hook up site. I have no knowledge at all apart from 2 friends that have a good relationship found the partner on E Harmony.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

> =TomorrowNeverKnows;16056410
> 
> I think I could score more dates stalking women at Trader Joes...


Trade-her-Joes?

Uh, uh.....go to Trader Janes.........just saying!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

wild jade said:


> Model pretty women have lots and lots of options. Basically you cannot turn a corner without a guy offering you a drink or promising the world. *And in LA the world they are promising is fame, fortune, exotic travel, luxury, you name it.*
> 
> You want someone to notice you online,* you'd best bring your A game and all the bs you can muster.*


What a sad state of our world.. but can't deny it.. this is what dating has turned into today.. All about WEALTH & how HOT you are..

Tinder is a nothing more than a "getting laid" app , is it not... so yeah.. if that's all you're looking for.. better get some HOT selfies on there ASAP & up your







lines to boot... 

Those seeking serious relationships should stay far away from sites like this..


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

TomorrowNeverKnows said:


> It's interesting - small sample size but the opinions of women so far are pretty much my self image. A couple have said Edan is nice looking, a couple others nothing special / not my type. I guess my big problem with swiping dating apps so far is that it seems that the category of women I'm accustomed to dating have WAY too many options. I don't think I stand out if you're swiping hundreds of profiles but I have pretty good success when I meet someone FTF and can strike up a conversation. I'm probably going to try meetups. Although profile matching sites worked for me 3 years ago, I found them very tedious and time consuming.
> 
> I have had one hookup on Tinder and always use a condom...


Expect that women aren't any more interested in investing time and effort into dating than you are. 

The reality is that dating is tedious and time consuming. Unless you're one of those types that finds it fun to go meet lots of random strangers that you probably have nothing in common with.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

TomorrowNeverKnows said:


> Is there some trick to Tinder / Bumble I'm missing or should I try more traditional stuff like speeding dating or finding some activity groups like hiking, sports etc...


The top 20% of guys are dating 80% of the women online.

Welcome to the apocalypse....


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

JukeboxHero said:


> why do you say Match is a scam? My Roommate has had better luck on that site then most it seems. I feel it has higher quality candidates then some of the free sites like POF


Because -> 2% reply rate!



BetrayedDad said:


> The top 20% of guys are dating 80% of the women online.
> 
> Welcome to the apocalypse....


Not really, just the top 20% of guys dating the top 20% of women, and the 80% of both men and women are too picky to settle!

:grin2:


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## TomorrowNeverKnows (Jan 27, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Because -> 2% reply rate!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Totally disagree. Internet dating is clearly slanted in favor of women. I think the top 20% of men dating the top 80% of women is pretty close. I'd actually say the top 2% of men are dating the top 20% of women and the other 98% are scrambling for everything else....


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

TomorrowNeverKnows said:


> Totally disagree. Internet dating is clearly slanted in favor of women. I think the top 20% of men dating the top 80% of women is pretty close. I'd actually say the top 2% of men are dating the top 20% of women and the other 98% are scrambling for everything else....


Those numbers leave 98% of men going after 80% of women, which isn't such terrible odds.

With online dating, men send way more messages than women, and so have much lower response rates, where women are inundated. But men also tend to message very young hot women, and most women aren't really interested in guys 10 years older than them --plus they have a lot of younger ones to choose from. Basically, men play the numbers game, and then wonder why not every woman responds, and women try to be selective in who they contact.

If it were really true that only a small percentage of guys dated all the women, most women would be single. And most guys would be single. But look around you and you'll see that most people couple up. 

And I don't know how anyone here is defining who counts as the top, but I assume it's based 100% on looks. But look around, and you'll see people of all sizes and shapes in relationships.


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## GodInyou (Oct 9, 2019)

Dude, I am the type of man that likes real-life meetings, I mean I found my wife while I was walking on the street, and I liked her from the first view, so you can try too, you just need a bit of courage. But if you use tinder, don't use facebook to log in, it is a bad idea, I read about that in an article on that it is better to use a phone number rather than facebook. I know you don't want to waste time(10 mins), but at least all the data from facebook will be untouched.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Zombie. This thread is over 3 years old!


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