# Just a Vent



## RaceGirl (Apr 13, 2015)

Hello Everyone,

I just joined less than an hour ago. I'm happy to be here and will support as many as I can while I'm on here.

I'm 37 years old, my husband is 36. We have two small children under 5. He had been cheating on me since my oldest was 6 months old up until I had proof he was cheating when my youngest was born, at a few months old. He cheated on my for about 3 years. How didn't I know? My heart knew, but he lied and our living arrangement was complex. We lived with his parents. Right there, I should have known he wasn't the man I wanted and needed. 

Anyhow, we tried to work it out after my numerous Ddays. For the record, he stopped cheating the first day I found out, after that, I kept digging in the phone records and found more. I got the truth trickled out but it took a good 6 months. We did counseling. But, I just couldn't continue with his drinking and the past lies (not that he was abusive or cheating again, but because he COULD cheat if he was drinking). So, I kicked him out. We were separated for almost a year. He started courting me and he had been sober. So, for the sake of my boys, I took him back this past September. 

We've been back together for about 8 months. But, I'm not happy. I'm co-dependent. I'm only doing it for the boys, so they have their dad and they're not screwed up. It's pretty heartbreaking. I never cheated on him, btw, I was too busy working full time (for our medical benefits and income to save for our own house) and commuting 3 hours a day M-F, while breastfeeding them when they were little. Needless to say, I was exhausted, dropped to 99 pounds, and didn't have time to figure out what he was doing. 

It's kind of funny looking back on all those lies, and how distant we became, how we hated each other, but I didn't have any friends, or cheated on him. All I did was go to work and be with my boys. He was living it up, partying, dating, spending our money.

So, I'm basically not happy. We like different things. I really don't even like him as a person. He's sort of a ****. I wish I could have a different husband, but I'm hanging on to him because he's so good with the boys, he loves them and they love him. I'm taking one for the team, but I'm not sure how long this is going to last. I told myself just a couple more years until the boys are both is school all day. 

Well, thanks for listening. I know infidelity is seriously the most painful crisis that could happen to a human being. Forgiving is a beautiful thing and reconciliation is actually miraculous to me.

All I really want to do is go quading, buy a motorcycle, go to races, some art shows and concerts, but he doesn't like any of the things I like. He likes sports, I like motorsports, he likes hip hop/rap, I like rock music, he never even wants to go to the movies. But, we do do a lot of kid activities for the boys. We are very big on that. I just keep thinking to myself, "what about me?"

Advice, comments, opinions are welcome.


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## Chas (Apr 2, 2015)

Here's what your situation looks like:
Cons -

He used alcohol as an excuse to cheat on you.
Works in a bar which are traditionally full of cheating staff, but wont change jobs, in fact, no desire to advance himself.
 Likes the money but gets no benefits or retirement (that's why the money is good).
Has no common interests with you.
You don't like him.
He's not making any effort to reconcile or make it up to you for his numerous infidelities.

Pros - 
He's good with the boys.

Does that pretty much sum it up? I know your major concern is your boys, but you need to reconsider giving your life away to a loser to protect them. You really can't protect them anyhow. As they get older they will see the tension in your home and that will affect them more than a divorce. Young children are very adaptive and can learn to live with a divorce.
I can't help but think he came back to you because no one else would put up with him. You need to put the past behind you and look at your future, and the boys future, by kicking him out and moving on with your life.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

RaceGirl said:


> Hello Everyone,
> 
> I just joined less than an hour ago. I'm happy to be here and will support as many as I can while I'm on here.
> 
> ...


Divorce.

Sorry.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

start the 180 to help yourself.

he is not changing. lock up your hard earned money.

have you consulted an attorney? until you do, he will not change, and he probably will not after you start the D.

you can't take one for the team this long. both have to try to make the marriage work, not just one.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> I'm taking one for the team
> I'm co-dependent


.

Make your plan. Decide when your boys will be Ok without having both parents in the household then become LESS co-dependent. When you get both those factors on your time schedule and have completed them that is when you divorce him!

By the way I think you are a classy lady! You did not stoop to the level of your douche bag husband, BRAVO!


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

I would start enforcing consequences for his foul behavour.

Number 1 on the list should be stop depositing money into a joint account for him to access.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He certainly isn't the catch he appeared to be.

See a lawyer to protect yourself and your boys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## grushim1239 (Apr 13, 2015)

RaceGirl said:


> Hello Everyone,
> 
> I just joined less than an hour ago. I'm happy to be here and will support as many as I can while I'm on here.
> 
> ...


I think your children know if you're not happy and sometimes that can be more detrimental to them, than to come from divorced parents. When you are truly miserable, it's hard to put on a facade, even for your children.

I understand the co-dependency and being a single mother is hard, but you need to be happy also. 

My husband and I have some of the same interests, but are very different at the same time. I'm a girly girl but very much attracted to motorcycles and tattoos. He's a ******* but those things completely turn him off. I like adventure, where he doesn't. He likes country music, and I like any kind of music. I like to dress up, and he doesn't care if his clothes have holes in them or paint on them.


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## Colonel Angus (Apr 11, 2015)

Ma'am, you do yourself or your sons no favors by staying with a man who shows no respect for the woman he vowed before God All Mighty to protect and be faithful to. It also sends a bad message to your sons that men are entitled to betray their wives. That lesson would indeed "screw up their lives".


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## RaceGirl (Apr 13, 2015)

Thank you everyone. I appreciate your feedback. 
Mr Blunt, thank you. I like where your head's at.


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