# Wife cheated 6 months ago, and is 6 months pregnant...advice



## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

My wife accused me of cheating on her 6 months ago, then we argued and she left. I had no idea where she went, later she told me she went to her Sister's. We found out we were pregnant a month later, she told me it was mine. In June her ex sent her an email with shirtless pics talking about the "last time" if you know what I mean. We modified her facebook account to a "joint account" after we got married, a month after we found out we were pregnant (marriage and baby were planned). I went to her messages, checked her archived messages and wouldnt you know. OK, the message, without going into detail was; Her: Im drunk, looking at porn, Im horny, here is my room number at this hotel." Him: Ill be there in 5 minutes. (P.S.; we were engaged and she was wearing a 2K diamond ring, circled by 1K of smaller diamonds)

When I confronted her, I did not disclose that I found the messages, I bet she forgot they were even there. This is what she said: It's none of your business we were broken up because you kicked me out, (Which turned into) I never saw him, (which turned into) we only talked in my car, (which turned into) we had a drink in the hotel bar, (which turned into) we talked in my room, (which turned into) we slept together but nothing happened, (and finally) we met for sex but there was no emotion it was just sex. Now, here is the kicker. That got me thinking, and I asked her. How far along are you in your pregnancy? She said 26 weeks...I looked at the calander and 26 weeks before is when she sent the message. 

So, this is what Im thinking. She created an arguement, to be able to justify leaving me, to meet her EX, and had sex. When confronted she treated me like I was bullying her, she got pissed, and even after she admitted it she apologized once for getting caught.

Should I fold the cards and walk away from the table? Should I give her another chance? If the baby is mine I dont want to miss out on my childs future, but surely if its not then Im popping smoke. I need some advice from someone who has gone through this. For some reason I feel bad that she had to go outside our relationship for sexual gratification, I have lost both my self esteem and confidence in my ability to keep my wife happy, and the fact that Im super pissed about this doesnt help any?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

I think before walking away you might want to consult a lawyer. Otherwise you might just get stuck supporting her ex's child for the next 18 years.

It appears she just needs the security of marriage you provide for her while she goes around wh0ring herself. Unfortunately there is no way you can keep this type of a woman sexually satisfied. Add in the lies to stuff you with another mans child, divorce is the smart choice in your case.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

If the baby is not yours run like the wind. Whatever you do, do not put your name down on the birth certificate until you get a dna test done. You can get a prenatal one I think.

By the way, I'm sure your wife wasn't "sad" when she hooked up with her ex. Like you said, this was preplanned, and if that's way she handles arguments, I'd stay well away from her.

Don't play the martyr in this, people easily manipulate that.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

3 more months before the baby is born and becomes your legal responsibility. That would suck big time since you would stuck raising another man's child for 18 to 23 years.

File that divorce paper now (time is running out fast for you, very fast). Start the divorce immediately. You can always stop/hold the divorce later.

When the baby is born, do a paternity test ($100?). You can do one now but the test now would be more expensive ($400?).

And for goodness sake, dont have your name as the baby's father on the birth certificate if you dont know if you're the father.

Dont get stuck supporting her ex's child. Dont let your hesitation cost you your future.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This does not look good. An accidental one night stand? Someone could get past that.

A long term affair that just started by accident? Yeah, that too.

Some other more weird affairs? (Thinking of my own case here!) Yes, that, too, can be got past.

But what your wife did was manipulative and cruel.

Did she WANT to get pregnant by her lover and trick you into bringing her lover's child up as your own? 

That's a hell of a thing to try to get past! Is it even possible?:scratchhead:


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

Don't feel bad, or ashamed. It's not you - it's your wife that's the problem. Sorry to say, but your wife is a lowlife. I think you gleaned as much by putting together the fact that she planned to cheat on you, lied about cheating, and undoubtedly had unprotected sex with her ex, the result of which may very well have gotten her pregnant.

Go to a lawyer, learn your rights, and _divorce_ her. _Right away_. Do not, and I repeat, *do not* put up with her any more than you have to. She is a broken woman. Damaged goods. That she would betray her marital vows deliberately and in such a premeditated way, and pass off a potential bastard as your own, is testament to the kind of human being she is.

Get a paternity test done as soon as you can. Do not put your name on the birth certificate until you know it's yours (as doing so will bind you to the child, regardless of his father, making _you_ responsible for it).


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Also give a call to her ex and congratulate him on the baby. If you have any ultrasound pics, send them as well.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Before you make any decision, you should find out if the baby is yours.

Go to a lawyer to see what the case is if a child is born to your wife while you are married to her, is it automatically presumed to be your baby? If so, what can you do to change that presumption? Is there a dna test that can be done before birth and how risky is it? Is your wife willing to have it done?

After you talk to the lawyer, discuss with your wife the options for determining paternity and protecting your legal rights.

Based on what the truth is, then you decide whether or not you want to stay married.

If the baby is not yours, I would recommend making sure you are not legally responsible for support. You always can support the child if you want to, but you don't want to be legally compelled to, especially if at some point your wife leaves you and hooks up again with her ex. Also, if the baby is not yours and you do for some reason decide to stay with your wife, the other man may be responsible for paying child support.

If the baby is yours, then you just have to worry about your cheating, lying wife and what you want to do regarding your marriage.

On another note, the speed with which the ex agreed to come over and bang your wife, without questioning what was going on in her relationship with you, has me wondering if they had an ongoing relationship at that time. Which leads me to the question, do you know they don't have an ongoing relationship right now?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Get a lawyer tomorrow and demand a DNA test. Get ready to divorce her. Honestly, I'd be ready to divorce here in any case since 6 months ago you had a fight, she knew you were trying to have a baby, and she deliberately chose to invite the OM over and to have unprotected sex with him.

Seems to me she was trying to get knocked up by him. Why would you want to stay with anyone who would set you up like that to raise another mans kid. That's cold and evil. So why waste more of your life with someone who could do that?

You can share custody of the kid (if it's yours) and you can go find a wife that won't cheat.


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

@ Will Kane; 

You just blew my mind with your last sentence. I never really thoguht about it like that. I mean she dropped a message and the guy literally was in te way to see her. 
To go into more detail about thier history. (and bear with me, I found this all out literally 3 days ago, as I am was sitting at the deployment readiness facility getting ready to go to Afghanistan) She texted him about sex a month after we got together, called him on Thanksgiving and talked for 3 hours (after I worked a night shift, then went to eat with her family, then went back to work with no sleep) and "stepped out" to take care of some family business numerous times the week before that arguement. I know what is going on between the two, but I may still be in denial because I love this gorl so hard. It is very hard to believe that she would do all this to me. I havent been the perfect guy, but I had to erase all my friends from facebook who werent related to me that were girls. Man, I think it just hit me I got palyed for rent, food, gas money, money for her to go see her friends (If that was even what she was doing) and I even paid for the damn hotel room she got stuck in


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh, and chances are very good she's been doing these booty calls with the ex for a while since it took one message to get him there, no warming up to it, or anything else. Just one get over message.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Divorce her. If she wants to be a sl*t she can be one without the security of marriage. Even if it is yours get out after its born because shes just going to continue to wh0re.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

If you are married when the baby is born and she decided to put your name on the birth certificate, you may be stuck for 18 years paying to support the other man's child. What would really suck is that if she leaves you for him in a few years, he will get to live with his child and you will still be paying child support.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> Before you make any decision, you should find out if the baby is yours.
> 
> Go to a lawyer to see what the case is if a child is born to your wife while you are married to her, is it automatically presumed to be your baby? If so, what can you do to change that presumption? Is there a dna test that can be done before birth and how risky is it? Is your wife willing to have it done?
> 
> ...


Yes! Exactly! The thought came to me, too. "Here! Come have sex with me, then we can trick husband into raising your child!"


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

If she really coerced you into having an argument with her so she'd be free to go screw an ex, that's almost as bad as the cheating itself. It's REALLY manipulative and devious.

Then again you got so angry with her that you "kicked her out"? Because she falsely accused you of cheating on her? Your reaction could have been a bit calmer, along the lines of 'Honey, I never cheated on you, I'm sorry you feel that I did, let's talk about why you feel that way and work through this", as opposed to "How DARE you accuse me of that, GTFO of here right now!"

Is it possible that you over reacted by showing her the door and it was nothing more than 'breakup sex' which could almost be justified given the circumstances.

Back to the unborn child. In many states you could be stuck with supporting this child just because you are married to the mother. No way in HELL I'd want to be stuck supporting someone else's kid for the next 18 to 21 years (depending on the laws in your state).


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

kindi said:


> If she really coerced you into having an argument with her so she'd be free to go screw an ex, that's almost as bad as the cheating itself. It's REALLY manipulative and devious.
> 
> Then again you got so angry with her that you "kicked her out"? Because she falsely accused you of cheating on her? Your reaction could have been a bit calmer, along the lines of 'Honey, I never cheated on you, I'm sorry you feel that I did, let's talk about why you feel that way and work through this", as opposed to "How DARE you accuse me of that, GTFO of here right now!"
> 
> ...


Just to clarify what I meant by me kicking her out. We were laying in bed and she just said "I think your skyping other girls"...I grabbed the computer and logged on...while the screen was still loading I slid the computer over to her and said, "there you go". Then she said she wouldnt find anything because I was good at hiding it, and my reply was, "No, you wont find anything because there is nothing to find". THAT started a huge arguement in which she just kept saying hurtful things, and asking me if I wanted her to leave. About the 10th time she asked me I said, "what would you say if I said yes, I want you to leave"....and poof....out she went saying "Fine, you want me gone, Im gone." About an hour later she was with her ex. I admit I have been very angry with her at times, but I found out that when she does things like that I just sit back and let her do her thing because its usually something I have no control over and she just needs to vent. I had no idea she was messaging her ex all day trying to set up a time and place for them to meet.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

If she admitted to sex with the EX 26 weeks ago, and you said that you were engaged at that time, so you have only been married less than 6 months. 

Talk to a lawyer immediately. Tell him there is a 50/50 chance that the baby is the OM's. Also tell him that you just found out that she had sex with OM at that time. Also tell him that you want to support the child IF IT IS YOURS.

An annulment may be possible. But do it ASAP. Again a lawyer can let you know what is possible in the state you are in. But in most states (that I know of) marriage under false pretenses (possible OM child) is valid reason for annulment.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> For some reason I feel bad that she had to go outside our relationship for sexual gratification,


Eeerrr... For some reason? Hmmm yeah, that may be the rational part of your brain telling you that being with a woman that bangs another man in the same night you have an argument isn't really kosher... 

Even if the kid is yours, it's an accident. You don't actually need to be with her to be a father. Plenty of guys do it without being with the mothers.

And, like you have been told, you can be caught paying child support for 18 years for a kid that ain't yours.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Biscuits said:


> THAT started a huge arguement in which she just kept saying hurtful things, and asking me if I wanted her to leave. About the 10th time she asked me I said, "what would you say if I said yes, I want you to leave"....and poof....out she went saying "Fine, you want me gone, Im gone." About an hour later she was with her ex.


Oh Dude, that was a set up from the word GO! She desperately want you to say "Okay, fine! Leave!" Because, in her sick mind, she would feel justified in what she did because in her warped, peanut brain (sorry, I know she's your wife but, DAMN!) you gave her permission to leave. So, now she doesn't have to feel guilty. "Well, he doesn't want me, I know someone that does!"


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> I had no idea she was messaging her ex all day trying to set up a time and place for them to meet.


I had no idea she was messaging her ex all day prior to that argument. If it went down as you said, then it appears she set you up, in which case she dos not appear to be marriage material.

I hope she's a better mother than wife.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

crossbar said:


> Oh Dude, that was a set up from the word GO! She desperately want you to say "Okay, fine! Leave!" Because, in her sick mind, she would feel justified in what she did because in her warped, peanut brain (sorry, I know she's your wife but, DAMN!) you gave her permission to leave. So, now she doesn't have to feel guilty. "Well, he doesn't want me, I know someone that does!"


I was going to say the same thing. Your wife played you for a chump and she is still doing it. No way in hell should you be married to someone like that. She has no respect for you.

I would bail kid or no. She doesn't deserve to be married to you.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Wait? Did you write that you're about ready to leave for Afghanistan? DUDE!!! You need to talk to legal right now!!! (I assume you're in the military) You need an amendment to your Power of Attorney and you need to talk to a lawyer about her pregnancy. If you are away when she gives birth, she can have you listed as the father on the Birth cerificate without you being there due to military obligations and you'll be on the hook!

Talk to someone right now to get an injunction on that process.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with the others. See an attorney now to protect yourself.

Depending on which state you live in, you might be able to get a divorce or annulment very quickly. If there is a waiting period, at least get the divorced filed so that it's in place when she gives birth.

If she was pregnant with another man's baby at the time she married you, that might make an annulment even easier to get. She would have entered into your marriage fraudulantly.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

No one is obligated to stay with a cheating, lying spouse. If the child is his, he can still raise this child while divorced.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

boogie110 said:


> My husband has been cheating with actual *****s for $$$ for the last 4 years - I just found out. We have a 2 year old daughter. PLEASE first find out if the baby is yours. If it is - WORK IT OUT and forgive her this affair. If not - of course the answer is easy. But do not ruin your child's life because you are hurt and betrayed! You are a grown up! Life is HARD! Suck it up if child is yours - go to counseling together and then make a good life for your family. That is your job as a parent.


I am very pro marriage and very anti divorce, but based on the facts presented I'm not sure I could reconcile with the wife. Engineering a fight so she can go cheat.....that's pretty horrible.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Wazza said:


> I am very pro marriage and very anti divorce, but based on the facts presented I'm not sure I could reconcile with the wife. Engineering a fight so she can go cheat.....that's pretty horrible.


Every divorced person was pro marriage when they said their vows.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> If the baby is mine I dont want to miss out on my childs future, but surely if its not then Im popping smoke.


Call for the extraction helo. In utero DNA test for suppressive fires.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So she started an argument, left, went to hotel, drank and watched porn because she was angry, and then in the hour hooked up with the ex?

You might just want to drive her to his house tomorrow and dump her on his doorstep. 

Total setup,


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> So she started an argument, left, went to hotel, drank and watched porn because she was angry, and then in the hour hooked up with the ex?
> 
> You might just want to drive her to his house tomorrow and dump her on his doorstep.
> 
> Total setup,


As I read it, no, she arranged to meet the OM, then picked the fight so she'd have an excuse to storm out and keep her appointment with him. 

Calculated infidelity, not a weak moment due to anger. 

Maybe it's no worse than making up any other pretext, but it feels worse to me, I have to say.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Reconciliation is two way with conditions. How could you possibly reconcile while the other is content with cheating and sees it as normal action when the couple argues? That reconciliation is false, and can be or might as well be rugsweeping if the BS accepts it as R


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Oh, and chances are very good she's been doing these booty calls with the ex for a while since it took one message to get him there, no warming up to it, or anything else. Just one get over message.


:iagree:

When she kept stepping out to do family business, she was stepping out to do monkey business it appears.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

I think Op is going to have a three person marriage if he is not the father for rest of his life and going to pay for OM child.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> Just to clarify what I meant by me kicking her out. We were laying in bed and she just said "I think your skyping other girls"...I grabbed the computer and logged on...while the screen was still loading I slid the computer over to her and said, "there you go". Then she said she wouldnt find anything because I was good at hiding it, and my reply was, "No, you wont find anything because there is nothing to find". THAT started a huge arguement in which she just kept saying hurtful things, and asking me if I wanted her to leave. About the 10th time she asked me I said, "what would you say if I said yes, I want you to leave"....and poof....out she went saying "Fine, you want me gone, Im gone." About an hour later she was with her ex. I admit I have been very angry with her at times, but I found out that when she does things like that I just sit back and let her do her thing because its usually something I have no control over and she just needs to vent. I had no idea she was messaging her ex all day trying to set up a time and place for them to meet.


Exactly! I KNEW she had tricked and manipulated you into apparently throwing her out! I had tried to post that last night I even created a script which was really close to what you just described, but we lost broadband so I could not post it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Get tested for all STDs and HIV as a matter of urgency.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Maybe a popular point of view here, maybe not.

You have to find out if it is your child. It's probably not, but I'm talking about logic here.

You simply can NOT raise another man's child. I know some will say "it's not the child's fault" and so forth... but you can't be bound by this. Test now, then make your decision. It's the only thing you can do.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> Just to clarify what I meant by me kicking her out. We were laying in bed and she just said "I think your skyping other girls"...I grabbed the computer and logged on...while the screen was still loading I slid the computer over to her and said, "there you go". Then she said she wouldnt find anything because I was good at hiding it, and my reply was, "No, you wont find anything because there is nothing to find". THAT started a huge arguement in which she just kept saying hurtful things, and asking me if I wanted her to leave. About the 10th time she asked me I said, "what would you say if I said yes, I want you to leave"....and poof....out she went saying "Fine, you want me gone, Im gone." About an hour later she was with her ex. I admit I have been very angry with her at times, but I found out that when she does things like that I just sit back and let her do her thing because its usually something I have no control over and she just needs to vent. I had no idea she was messaging her ex all day trying to set up a time and place for them to meet.


She is a provocative spiteful b*tch and everytime you fight chances are she'll bang other guys to take revenge. 

I don't see how you can be proud to call her your wife.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Anyone want to bet she plans on moving the EX into the OPs house as soon as he is deployed? The ex and WW will be living in his house , using him to pay the bills for the two of them.
I think he's being used by a very manipulative girl who thinks she can totally cake eat as much as she likes.

Get to that lawyer today and protect yourself before you deploy.

They can go DNA tests before the child is born.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

OP, you aren't going to like this, but you have no idea how I wish I was you and was married to your soon to be ex. Had mine made it this obvious, I would have been rid of her long before she had the first guy's child and telling me I was the father.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Biscuits said:


> My wife accused me of cheating on her 6 months ago, then we argued and she left. I had no idea where she went, later she told me she went to her Sister's. We found out we were pregnant a month later, she told me it was mine. In June her ex sent her an email with shirtless pics talking about the "last time" if you know what I mean. We modified her facebook account to a "joint account" after we got married, a month after we found out we were pregnant (marriage and baby were planned). I went to her messages, checked her archived messages and wouldnt you know. OK, the message, without going into detail was; Her: Im drunk, looking at porn, Im horny, here is my room number at this hotel." Him: Ill be there in 5 minutes. (P.S.; we were engaged and she was wearing a 2K diamond ring, circled by 1K of smaller diamonds)
> 
> When I confronted her, I did not disclose that I found the messages, I bet she forgot they were even there. This is what she said: It's none of your business we were broken up because you kicked me out, (Which turned into) I never saw him, (which turned into) we only talked in my car, (which turned into) we had a drink in the hotel bar, (which turned into) we talked in my room, (which turned into) we slept together but nothing happened, (and finally) we met for sex but there was no emotion it was just sex. Now, here is the kicker. That got me thinking, and I asked her. How far along are you in your pregnancy? She said 26 weeks...I looked at the calander and 26 weeks before is when she sent the message.
> 
> ...


I would run away. When the child is born I would have it DNA tested.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Biscuits said:


> Just to clarify what I meant by me kicking her out. We were laying in bed and she just said "I think your skyping other girls"...I grabbed the computer and logged on...while the screen was still loading I slid the computer over to her and said, "there you go". Then she said she wouldnt find anything because I was good at hiding it, and my reply was, "No, you wont find anything because there is nothing to find". THAT started a huge arguement in which she just kept saying hurtful things, and asking me if I wanted her to leave. About the 10th time she asked me I said, "what would you say if I said yes, I want you to leave"....and poof....out she went saying "Fine, you want me gone, Im gone." About an hour later she was with her ex. I admit I have been very angry with her at times, but I found out that when she does things like that I just sit back and let her do her thing because its usually something I have no control over and she just needs to vent. I had no idea she was messaging her ex all day trying to set up a time and place for them to meet.


That was a complete set-up Bisquits.

She started that fight so she could leave in a huff to ball the OM.

According to the message you quoted here it wasn`t the first time she had balled the OM.

No way he just said "On my way!" out of the blue like that.

This was planned and has been going on for awhile.
Divorce her and get a DNA test.
Get to a lawyer right now and start proceedings.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

kindi said:


> Then again you got so angry with her that you "kicked her out"? Because she falsely accused you of cheating on her? Your reaction could have been a bit calmer, along the lines of 'Honey, I never cheated on you, I'm sorry you feel that I did, let's talk about why you feel that way and work through this", as opposed to "How DARE you accuse me of that, GTFO of here right now!"
> 
> *Is it possible that you over reacted by showing her the door and it was nothing more than 'breakup sex' which could almost be justified given the circumstances.*


You're kidding right? Surely, you're not blaming her behavior on him?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

kindi said:


> If she really coerced you into having an argument with her so she'd be free to go screw an ex, that's almost as bad as the cheating itself. It's REALLY manipulative and devious.
> 
> Then again you got so angry with her that you "kicked her out"? Because she falsely accused you of cheating on her? Your reaction could have been a bit calmer, along the lines of 'Honey, I never cheated on you, I'm sorry you feel that I did, let's talk about why you feel that way and work through this", as opposed to "How DARE you accuse me of that, GTFO of here right now!"
> 
> ...


I call BS on the breakup sex. Where do these special rules come from. LOL. I declare "breakup sex". NFW. She cheated.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Whatever the hell you do, DO NOT allow yourself (and certainly do not freely take on) the financial responsability for these children until they are proven to be yours! Let the courts work out visitation, etc, if they're not yours. 

You're not thinking to the future. In the future, you'll have kids with another woman. Those children which will actually be yours DESERVE whatever financial resources you can provide them. Do not take that away from your possible future children by supporting kids that are not yours.

It will also make it a lot financially harder for you to start your life anew, while your wife is wining and dining with the OM on your dime. Is that what you want?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> *I call BS on the breakup sex*. Where do these special rules come from. LOL. I declare "*breakup sex*".:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: NFW. She cheated.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

If it was break up sex, she is going to have this very frequently when ever she want her ex or someone else or when she need another child.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> You're kidding right? Surely, you're not blaming her behavior on him?


I was looking for clarification, you know the old "two sides to every story". I've seen posts on here by a person who describes their situation, then someone who knows them (usually their SO) comes on and posts a totally different perspective.

I've learned to read between the lines and not take everything at face value. The way he put it out there it seemed to me it could have been more along the lines of her having some unfounded suspicions about him being faithful, she innocently asked him about it, he blew up and kicked her out (as in, "its over"), and she was in an emotional crisis and reached out to the only person she could think of which happened to be her ex, who took advantage of the situation, and since they were technically "broken up" then it wouldn't really be cheating.

It does not appear to have happened like that, subsequent posts by the Op would lead one to believe he was set up by a very deceitful and manipulative person who had a specific plan to cheat all along.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

OP's wife was projecting her cheating ways onto him when she accused him of cheating. 

BTW, I don't buy your acceptance of so-called 'breakup sex'.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

kindi said:


> I was looking for clarification, you know the old "two sides to every story". I've seen posts on here by a person who describes their situation, then someone who knows them (usually their SO) comes on and posts a totally different perspective.
> 
> I've learned to read between the lines and not take everything at face value. The way he put it out there it seemed to me it could have been more along the lines of her having some unfounded suspicions about him being faithful, she innocently asked him about it, he blew up and kicked her out (as in, "its over"), and she was in an emotional crisis and reached out to the only person she could think of which happened to be her ex, who took advantage of the situation, and since they were technically "broken up" then it wouldn't really be cheating.
> 
> It does not appear to have happened like that, subsequent posts by the Op would lead one to believe he was set up by a very deceitful and manipulative person who had a specific plan to cheat all along.


Which, by reading between the lines, many of us spotted, even before the OP did. But then, the OP is at a disadvantage, he actually loves that woman, and never thought she could do something so evil and hurtful to him.


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## iJordan (May 8, 2012)

kindi said:


> It does not appear to have happened like that, *subsequent posts by the Op would lead one to believe he was set up* by a very deceitful and manipulative person who had a specific plan to cheat all along.


Regardless, even if he simply had a moment of anger and kicked her out of the house, that doesn't constitute a 'breakup'. That would be a pathetically tenuous revision on her part. This is a post ex facto justification.

Had he said, _'get out, it's over!'_, she would have been an idiot for 'reaching out to her ex' at that point—let alone sleeping with him.

What actually happened was she bull-baited him so she could 'technically' have guilt-free sex.

This woman is toxic


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

iJordan said:


> Regardless, even if he simply had a moment of anger and kicked her out of the house, that doesn't constitute a 'breakup'. That would be a pathetically tenuous revision on her part. This is a post ex facto justification.
> 
> Had he said, _'get out, it's over!'_, she would have been an idiot for 'reaching out to her ex' at that point—let alone sleeping with him.
> 
> ...


Kicking your spouse out of the house is pretty nasty stuff. Of course she did not have to leave. Legally he cannot kick her out.

The way he tells it, he was not really kicking her out.


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## iJordan (May 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Kicking your spouse out of the house is pretty nasty stuff. Of course she did not have to leave. Legally he cannot kick her out.
> 
> The way he tells it, he was not really kicking her out.


I don't understand what you are trying to say here.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

iJordan said:


> I don't understand what you are trying to say here.





iJordan said:


> Regardless, even if he simply *had a moment of anger and kicked her out of the house*, that doesn't constitute a 'breakup'.


There is no "simply having a moment" and kicking one's spouse out.

For most people, being treated that way might very well be the end of the marriage.


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## iJordan (May 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> There is no "simply having a moment" and kicking one's spouse out.


Your issue with my wording—despite being subjective at best—is irrelevant to my point. My example was to demonstrate that regardless, getting angry at your spouse and asking them to leave does not equal a breakup; that is a tenuous revision. It then further highlighted that immediately post-hasty breakup is a stupid time to reach out to an ex. 

Your post seems to be a complete non sequitur. I also disagree with your claim that:_ 'for most people, being treated that way might very well be the end of the marriage.'_


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> For most people, being treated that way might very well be the end of the marriage.


I think you're going over the top with your interpretation.
Couples fight and argue all the time. They even say things they shouldn't be saying.
Yet this doesn't justify having sex out of spite or pre-planned sex.


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

iJordan said:


> I don't understand what you are trying to say here.


In response to some quirries on here. She didn't innocently ask me if something was going on, she acted like whe was about to whip out some evidence or something like "WTF IS THIS!!" But, there was nothing. She just blew up at me. She got nasty, then nastier until I asked her what she would do if I wanted her to leave, and then she counts that as me forcibly kicking her out of the house and locking the door behind her. To hear her tell me the story later, you would have thought she got her ass kicked. It totally scares me because she has convinced herself that I "forcibly removed her", but she knew what she was doing. Not more than 2 hours later her and her EX were going at it in the hotel. This wasnt break up sex, and he didnt "take advantage" of her. She knew full well what she was doing when she messaged him that she was "drunk, horny, looking at porn, and come get it".


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## surfryhder (Aug 13, 2012)

keko said:


> I think before walking away you might want to consult a lawyer. Otherwise you might just get stuck supporting her ex's child for the next 18 years.
> 
> It appears she just needs the security of marriage you provide for her while she goes around wh0ring herself. Unfortunately there is no way you can keep this type of a woman sexually satisfied. Add in the lies to stuff you with another mans child, divorce is the smart choice in your case.


Keko is right, get an attorney. Find out if the baby is yours. If you sign the birth certificate acknowledging paternity you will be stuck for life and if the relationship fails you will have to pay child support for another man's child. Make sure you protect yourself....


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

There is no good here

Even IF she'd never been with her ex til that night, even IF the OP had been to blame for the row no woman with decent values and real emotions preparing for marriage and motherhood would be shagging someone else within the hour. She would just be too upset and thinking of nothing but the relationship issue with the OP.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

seems like she is very insecure due to her own personal actions, and this was not break-up sex, this relationship is ongoing


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You know I can't help but think that not only was she hooking up with him often, but since she was ovulating then - I think she went looking for him to MAKE SURE she got knocked up by the EX.

She's trying to have his baby, while having you be the safe guy who's paying for it. 

She's hoping that if it is his, that he will stay with her an be loyal to her.

Just like you are hoping that if it's yours that she will turn in a loyal wife.

File for divorce already.


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