# I'd love to marry my girlfriend but...



## will4298 (Nov 29, 2013)

She is very keen on family life/relations - while I am too, I'm concerned for not only the ceremony but also family life after.

She said she's excited for me becoming a part of her family - that when we're married her family will consider me as much as family as they consider her and I'm equally excited for that. 

The thing is I feel ashamed that I don't have any family to join hers. 
(My mum died when I was 14, my dad when I was 17 - I don't talk to any of my other family at all). 
Also, I'm from the UK, she's from the US so even if I did have family, the chances of them coming here for the ceremony or even to visit is non-existent anyway.

The shame I feel is from the fact that she's excited for me joining her family and by extension I guess she's excited with the thought of my family also joining hers (although I have none) and I can't give her that. 

It's not even to do with her expectations; it's the fact that I'll be joining her family with no family of my own - her family will be opening up to me yet I have no family to do the same for them. 

I know this might sound pretty insignificant but it's a big thing for both of us and I feel that I'll let her down by not having a family. 

Am I being irrational?
I've spoken to her about it briefly and she's been amazing with being understanding and whatnot. The issue isn't with her but more with what I can't give her.


Also, I'm new to the forum so apologies if I've posted in the wrong board.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

OP, you can't help the fact that you have no extended family to introduce your GF to. Hopefully, you will be able to embrace her family as your own, and one day you and your GF will, perhaps, start a whole new one of your own.

Don't worry about what isn't, but rather enjoy what is.


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

you not having any living family does not mean you are brining less to the table. Rather, you are in a position to appreciate hers much more. were I you, I'd not worry about this. if you two are on the same page financially, and sexually, and you can COMMUNICATE FREELY, by all means take the next step!


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Obviously she is already aware of your family situation and yet is excited about you joining HER family. She accepts that so why can't you?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think you're overthinking it too much. It's not like you're misleading her in any way. She knows what your family situation is, and she's ok with it. So now it's time for you to work at being ok with it.

C


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Don’t be worried or ashamed of not having a family. What is important here is love. There are money other people who do not have parents, and who never got the chance to know their parents as they died when they were so little. The greatest gift is to find someone to love and who love them. Enjoy it, if she is a good woman, she should not even mention that you do not have family. Be glad you found love, you have to start a family now.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

I would rather marry a man with no family than end up with one whose family is many and dysfunctional.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Don't know if this will help. My cousin came to live with us. His dad died in 1951. At that time he was 11 or 12. In 1957, his mother died. He was 15 going on 16. He was the only child and his last name was different then ours. He grew up with my two older sisters and had a close relationship with them.

The day he moved in with us, he became my big brother. He became a brother to my sisters and he became the fourth child of my parents and was treated in the same way as us. No favoritism but he was still who he was if you get what I mean. He only had himself and memories of his mother and dad and he shared those memories with us and he blended into our family. I'm now 66. My two older sisters are gone along with my parents but he is still here and he's 73 and he's still my big brother. 

You have your memories of your family and I have no doubt that her family would love to here about them. Share them with her and her family like they are willing to share with you and let yourself be part of them. It will pay off in a big way and once again you'll have a bigger family to enjoy. Good luck and don't feel bad about something like that. There's no reason.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Just saying...iF I was your GF, and understanding your situation as it is with so little family....scratch that...no family... I would be even MORE excited to give you that...this has no bearing whatsoever to what YOU ...can offer her in a relationship.. the coolest thing is.. you can build your own family together....IF she is the right woman for you.

I felt a little bit like you, although I had family, mine just wasn't much to get excited about, mother left me, I practically hated my step Mother & wanted out of that house, had no siblings...

My husband's family...to this day, has been more THERE for me...than my own... I was a bit jealous of their closeness in the beginning ...feeling I never had that... and I so wanted to build our own...which is just what we did... .

Embrace this loving family who opens their arms to you.. as they want to embrace you...


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

ONE of the reasons she is so happy to share her Family with you and for you to become an integral part of it - Is because you don't have one. 
It is a wonderful gift she is freely (and her Family) is willing to do for you.

Embrace her AND them as your family darling.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth - embrace it!

Remember that the children you shall create together will have these lovely people as their extended Family as well. 

Congratulations on your new family OP!!


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

Hi Will, welcome to the forum and congratulations on your impending nuptials

SA and UU have given you wonderful advice.

Me and my Hubby got married overseas in secret, we do have families, but we are not close to them, and rather than inviting them over for a ceremony, and having them not turn up anyway, and us not even wanting them there in the first place, we decided to get married first and tell them later.

I know your situation is different, and it's lovely that your fiance is so excited about you becoming part of her family. There is no need for you to feel you are letting her down because you have no family, you are about to gain a whole new family, and you and your wife to be will have your own children if you want them and your life will be enriched with the new family you will make together, this is an exciting time for you Will, you have a fabulous future to look forward to


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

You do not tell us how old you are now so I do not know how long you have had to get used to being an orphan. If it has only been a few years or you have struggled coming to terms with it then it could just be that you are subconsciously fearful of being overwhelmed by your partner’s family.

If you have not had that close family support for a while then you have probably had to learn to be more self sufficient and that in itself is a worthwhile asset to bring to your relationship.

Try not to "hold in" your feelings, let your partner know if you are feeling uneasy or troubled try and build the type of relationship where you can each draw strength and support from the other.


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## zildjian_4 (Dec 7, 2013)

I'm SURE she understands the situation if she is marriage material. She won't be holding this against you. If I were in your place, I would be embracing the fact that her family is welcoming you so much. My ex's family adored me and made me feel completely and I loved it. I have a good family life, but it was so so so nice to be apart of another that loved me too.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Honestly you are being irrational. She already knows you family situation and if i had to guess part of the reason she and her family are stressing the whole "you being part of their family thing" is to make you feel welcomed and let you know that not only will you be getting a wife but parents and siblings as well!

Looks at this in a positive way not a negative.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

You are being irrational. You don't have a family, and won't. This won't change. Don't throw away the opportunity to create one of your own because of it so you never have one. Sounds self-sabotaging.


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