# I got an idea but not sure if this could work.



## Snickers (Oct 8, 2013)

My dream is to totally disappear from my mom and their side of the family but not from my kids and my husband that may be my ex soon.
My mom was abusive growing up she allowed my dad to abuse me.
No one in the family had anything to do with my kids.My mom treated my oldest child like she was some sort of walking contagious disease just cause she was slightly slow mentally.
With my second child she was treated the best if I can really say that at least she was told hi without mom having to cringe each time.My third child was ignored totally.
My husband and I are not rich but we have a comfortable life pay our bills raise happy kids.
My brothers and sister won't have anything to do with us cause we don't live in a home that is over 300.000 we rent lol.
My family is very shallow they only like you if you are rich.
I was the family's dirty little secret I am only here cause my mom was raped and I believe the whole family wants nothing to do with us cause of it.
We were never invited to Holiday dinners but the rest of the family would be we would be left out every year.
I was thinking when I file for divorce I know the judge asks you if you would like to change your last name.Does it have to be a name you had once before like your maiden name or can it be something totally new?
I want to move a little ways from here change my last name to whatever so no one can find me except my ex.
I know it will be hard to try to keep my kids quiet to everyone but it would be so nice for as long as it lasts.
I am also planning on keeping my phone number a secret only the kids's father will have it. I am just tired of fake and phony people around me .
My kids psychiatrist they had a few years back told me to keep them away from my kids they were doing more harm then good with them.


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## beautiful_seclusion (Oct 22, 2013)

That sounds like a horrible family situation. It really makes sense why you'd want to have no more contact. Is the possible divorce looking to go smoothly? Do you have any friends? It just sounds like you are literally cutting off everyone, not just family, and that might be very isolating if things go badly with the divorce and you then literally have no one you know during a time when you are ending a marriage and family contact. I know if that were me that could be a very hard time and you want to make sure you are ok through it. But it makes sense to want to be cut off from your toxic family. So maybe if you don't have close friends you could try to meet people so you have some sort of a support system or at least people to go out with? Or talk to any friends that you do currently have and ask them if they'd be willing to keep your whereabouts from your family if you choose this?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Wow. I also have troubles from childhood that affect current relations and even my children's relations with their cousins. Wow. This stuff just doesn't disappear.

My mom was not evil but she did not protect me from my angry shrink father's emotional abuse.


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## Snickers (Oct 8, 2013)

I have no friends my husband accused me of sleeping with them all it was just easier not to have any at all.Kind of why I want this divorce I want a fresh start meet people make friends and have a life.I will be literally starting my life having to learn everything for myself I have to get my drivers license ,get a job no work experience always been the house wife.I don't think my husband will fight me over anything really I don't think he even cares any more I do not expect a fight.I do have an 11 year old child that may give out info not intentionally though.I am scared out of my mind going through with it I plan on filing sometime after Christmas I don't even know what town I will move too.


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## Snickers (Oct 8, 2013)

I am sorry Longwalk yes it is hard


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

I havent read your other posts. But this idea of yours seems very weird. What do you expect to live on.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You can change your name to anything you like whenever you like, if you follow the proper process. I'm not sure about your hope the kids can keep a secret, though...

What about moving farther away, once you get more self sufficient? And how hard will your family try to keep in touch with you? You make it sound like they want nothing to do with you, so if you ignore them, wouldn't they leave you alone too?

C


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My estranged parents are stalkers. I looked into this but found out I couldn't afford it. Read the book How To Be Invisible. It takes 3 moves, some money and quite a bit of effort to truly disappear. My parents were persistent and they always found me. Someone always ratted me out. Always. The best place I lived was in a gated community. 

Another site that used to be good for this was parentsrights.org.

My situation was easier than yours because my parents had never met my kids so they had no rights to them. They tried to sue me for grandparents visitation but soon realized they had no case so I never got served - just got a few letters from their attorney.

My story ended because after 10+ years of this my dad got ill and died. So far mom hasn't bothered me since then. YAY!


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## Snickers (Oct 8, 2013)

I have been saving putting some money back after Christmas I should have enough to live on for a few months enough time to get my life in order .


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## Snickers (Oct 8, 2013)

P bear-My mom will call them like once out of every 2 years .She will call just because someone will ask her if she has heard from her grandchildren.To make herself look good she will call them and give them false hope she wants something to do with them,My 11 year old cries cause she has no grandparents when she hears from them she gets all excited a whole year after that I have to hear why they don't talk to her anymore.When she is in school and she hears about the other kids doing something special with their grandparents she asks me every time why she has none to do anything with it breaks my heart .They use to visit relatives that just lived a few blocks over at the time they never once stopped to visit with them.They use to run into them time to time.


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## Snickers (Oct 8, 2013)

Mavish-I will check that out I hope I am sorry your parents acted that way I hope it gets better for u


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

If I was divorcing I would keep my married name because I would want the same last name as my kids.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

My father was incapable of doing much with any of his grandchildren. My mother is very chauvinistic. She played favorites. Although a nurse and stay at home mom, my mother took up potting and is both skilled and artistic. She makes beautiful porcelain and stoneware. 

Every time we visit she almost never takes them to the guild, despite wanting to be an influence. 

She constantly criticizes them because they girls. She never says an ill word about my brother's kids. They are all boys.

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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

How are you doing?

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## Wild Mustang (Oct 26, 2013)

When divorcing the judge will ask if you want to return to using your maiden name. You cannot pick a new name.

To change the name is a separate legal process from the divorce procedure with separate costs.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Snickers said:


> My dream is to totally disappear from my mom and their side of the family but not from my kids and my husband that may be my ex soon.
> My mom was abusive growing up she allowed my dad to abuse me.
> No one in the family had anything to do with my kids.My mom treated my oldest child like she was some sort of walking contagious disease just cause she was slightly slow mentally.
> With my second child she was treated the best if I can really say that at least she was told hi without mom having to cringe each time.My third child was ignored totally.
> ...


I've had success using and attorney to inform family members they are not to contact me or my children, or to engage in any behaviors that would be detrimental to our welfare, to include stalking either physically or otherwise. Letters were delivered to them using legal methods to show receipt and when necessary have used law enforcement to follow up. It requires diligence and fortitude and of course you have very good reason but it requires no reason other than you would like to be left alone. You don't need to justify it to anyone although I do suggest and an attorney will suggest the same that you update your will and living will and have separate and detailed documentation of why your children or you if unable to speak for yourself should come under the care or guardianship of your "family." You can appoint another person to be guardian of both yourself (if and when needed) and your children, and also make sure that your finances and assets, and personal effects are protected from these people. I know it seems unfair but you need to have an attorney and list the attorney on your "in case of emergency" paperwork and your driver's license, etc. and at your doctor's office, etc. so that your "family" cannot take liberties with you or your kids.

It's well worth it. My kids and I are solidly protected. My attorney has the laundry list of specific offenses, including the times when my family members have violated the request to cease and desist and the police were involved. 

It's better to keep insane people at arm's length, or more, especially if they have any kind of next of kin legal rights to you, if you want to sleep more soundly at night.

Sure they will get a little bent out of shape, but you need to find your voice and don't let anyone convince you that you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Just do what you have to do.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> The best place I lived was in a gated community.


I found particular refuge for 2 years in a Communist country and seem to have a thing for former Soviet republics and other hard to get to places (Saba, Iceland...)

Places my family could never figure out how to get to, or think to look.

Lived under an assumed name for a while, legally.
The judge advised getting a new social security number, which can be done and probably 

I think now they are too old or stupid to try to mess with me.
My bite is definitely more dangerous than my bark, and that's a good reputation to have amongst trouble-makers. It was a long time coming, time, effort, stress, $.

Be careful to use an attorney as if you change name, etc. then need any social welfare benefits may be difficult to get without the proper bolstering from attorney/legal paperwork.


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