# Stuck and scared



## slinky (Feb 1, 2013)

Not fully certain why I am here or really what to say. I have been on the fence about divorce for a long time. A couple of years ago I told my wife I did want a divorce and we did seek marriage counseling to try and work through whatever was going on.

What I thought was being beneficial to both of us to help us understand how we got to where we were; instead I was told later by my wife that it made her understand more how everything going wrong was my fault. Not in so many words mind you, but still wouldn't own up to how her issues aided in us being in this situation.

Fast forward a couple of years and her ex enters the picture. Little did I know that he lived an hour away from us, we moved to a different state than where we originally met. She was being overly sneaky about things and I didn't know there were talking until I went to use the computer one day and their conversation was still up. I didn't react then, I wanted until I cooled down before bringing it to her attention. I was told he asked very personal questions, comparing size of packages, which was better in bed and so on. He tried to convince her to see him when his wife and kids were out of town, while I was at work.

After another battle about him I told her I was done. She laughed and told me to go live in my truck if I wasn't happy about her talking to him. I said fine she eventually broke down and said no and swore to stop talking to him. I did ask what I had done to push her towards him. She said she felt neglected; I was very focused on achieving a promotion at work and felt horrible that my wife felt she needed to have this relationship with her ex because I was neglecting her. We never spoke of it again, I was told to just get over it. The following month when our cell phone bill came in, there it was, in black and white. After swearing to me that it was done, and us both agreeing we needed to work harder for each other she spent the entire weekend talking to him, again I find he was trying to convince her to come over and see him. I put a stop to it by e-mailing his wife; he of course said none of it was true, shocker.

I hold a lot of anger about that entire situation. She still doesn't know that I know she lied and talked to him. I don't think about it as much as it has been a bit over a year since it all happened but I still think about it. Her being deceitful and lying to my face on a daily basis and telling me I had no right to still be upset over it because she never physically cheated on me. Or that she told me to go live in my truck instead of just not talking to her ex.

Since then she has lost several jobs and now only works a few hours a day. She does nothing else to help with anything around the house saying it hurts constantly when she does anything. She goes to work and comes home and eats and sleeps. I have now picked up a second job, I work 7 days a week. We got very behind on everything with her constantly losing jobs. I even sold my car to make it a couple more months. Her mom has helped us more than I want to admit. I can't make enough money fast enough to pay bills and keep up with her. I'm incredibly stressed all the time. I'm just unhappy. Have been for a long time and I keep feeding into the 'maybe it'll get better when...' idea.

After speaking with a friend that has been dealing with separation and divorce for the past couple of years, he just asked what I was scared of. I'm scared of what will happen to her. I'm scared of leaving her alone. It would devastate her. I'm all she has to keep her stable. Her family is here but they don't get it. They 'joke' all the time they are surprised I'm still around. They 'feel bad' for what I go through with her. 

I don't know that I can anymore. I feel like for my own sanity and happiness that this needs to end but I don't know where to go from here. We just resigned another year lease with our apartment. The advice I got from my buddy was to start an account and start putting money aside and wait out the next year. If things get better and I'm happy again, great, and if I'm not at least I'll be prepared to set myself up. We've been married for 5 years and I've been in this 'stuck' state for 4 years waiting for things to get better. They weren’t perfect before we got married but I thought maybe things would be better after we got married and the first year was a roller coaster but at the end of the day I was still happily married. Now I just hate my life.

I'm looking for any insight, advice, similar situations and what happened. Any help is much appreciated and thanks for taking the time to sift through my ranting.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

You've caught your wife in at least and emotional affair on 3 different occurences. With you out of the hiuse 7 days a week, what makes you think it hasn't gone physical?

Obviously, she's had no problem telling you lies before.

If you're going to stick around for the year, please do not get her pregnant.

And BTW, if there's a chance her affair went physical, you should get an STD test NOW


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## slinky (Feb 1, 2013)

Baby talk has come up and I'm not for it. I don't want to bring a baby into this mess. I tell her financially it would be a big mistake right now. But it's more of a tie that can't be undone if I do leave.

We don't get physical anymore anyway, she's either never in the mood (she says it's her meds), she's asleep or she's in some sort of pain. Not that I mind it all so much, I'm tired when I get in from work and just want to sleep and wish for a day off.

Suppose that's not a good sign either.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

The issue here should not be about babies and who's tired all the time

The issue here should be about the emotional affairs she's had


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