# It hurts how do you get past this pain !!!



## NEM (Jul 13, 2012)

My marriage is falling apart. So much pain and hurtful things happened. Despite that we still love each other very much but I don't know why we cannot be together. Part of me wanted to be together and work it out, part of her wanted too, what should I do? How do you get past this pain?

We separated for 3 months now. I move to a foreign country for her and our son because she wishes to be beside her parents since they only have her. We had arguments and in-laws got involved and things turn out really bad between two families. This is not the first time either.

We separated right after my son was born and she brought my son to her home country without me knowing it. Looking back it really hurts when you received a call from a family friend notifying you at work, your wife took your son to another country while she promise to let you see him on that day after work. I still remember that painful day when she and my mother in-law took him without a word.

I called her father in her country and asked to speak with her, he lecture me and said a lot of hurtful things. My family tries to reach out to her family but they ignore us. I stopped calling after that and try to reach out to her through e-mail. We exchanged a few e-mail and I can sense she still love me. I let one year past and on Valentine’s Day she called me and asked me to visit our son. On my visit she asked me to give up my life over in North America to move here and start a new life for a couple of years with her. 

Because we still love each other I decided to give us another chance, for our son and for both of us. During the 4 months we had our happy moments and tried to mend our family together, but I can still sense her parents still looking down on me. 

The inevitable arguments came one night and she called her parents over to intervene, I don't know why she do that but I suspect during the day when they went out together while I looked after my son at home waiting for them to return, I can sense that they discussed something, her father is very protective of her and he intervene everything she does including what we do with our son.

He came over to our apartment and start *****ing at me and saying all hurtful things like:

"You have no talent",
"You are lucky to have my daughter",
"You are garbage in this society",
"You don't love your family, you love yourself", "your parent don't teach you, let me teach you", 
"And lots of guys want to marry my daughter", 

Then he went on about how he has to build up his business from nothing. At this point I had enough, so I decided to talk back, I have never ask or need his help financially as I am capable of providing for my family very comfortable. I might not be as rich as him but we had everything that other people would dream of.

I never regret coming here in South-east Asia because I did it for her and my son. I still loved them both but I am also torn inside what had happened. Deep down my heart I still want us to have another chance for her and my son. He is only 2 years old and it will be very difficult for her to raise him by herself even if she lives with her parents.

She’s also torn inside and I can still sense that she want to continue and try to work it out. Neither of us is making that move, we just don't know what to do, it’s like a stand-off now.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

You can't change what happened yesterday, last week, month...year...you are separated because poor choices from each of you in the past...let the past go and some of the pain will go with it...work to make better choices for yourself, today, tomorrow..next week...

You can choose to let the pain control you or you can use it as motivation to become a better husband, a better father...actions speak louder than words, especially in the culture you are living in now...

work on you and hopefully your wife will notice it...Good luck...


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