# Father's funeral, what to do???



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

My poor dad is in his last days with bone cancer. My family doesn't want my ex there at the funeral. My kids live with him. I told my son who is 22, via text, that grandpa is near the end. My ex immediately texts me that he wants to go to the hospital to visit my dad. My family doesn't want him there. I tell him so, politely. He says that he will tell the kids what I have said about him not being welcome at the hospital, and that when I hurt him he lets the kids know about it. 

The funeral is coming up soon from what we can tell. I have no idea how to handle it. My ex is not to be invited, he's caused so much heartache and estrangement with my family over the years. 

I don't know what to do. All the grandkids will be there.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am so very sorry about your father and I hope you are able to spend some time with him before he goes. 

As for the family situation, do you want him there? You have a say, too.


----------



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

No, I don't want him there. He's hurt me and my family too much. 

I dearly wish I did want him there, but I don't. We were married 33 years and it's so damn sad how it's all turned out. 

I am not sure how to approach this from my kids perspective. They are 14 and 22.


----------



## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Was the ex honestly and truly close with your Dad?


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

What would your Dad want?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hmmm... What about not talking to him about things that aren't related to divorce/children issues, and only talking to your kids? As far as your children go, they should be old enough to recognize that there was a lot of friction between your ex and your family, and a funeral is first and foremost a family thing. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

My dad said that if he could get out of bed he would shoot my h. because they wouldn't put him in jail in his condition. And my dad is a very likeable and well liked man.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

indiecat said:


> My dad said that if he could get out of bed he would shoot my h. because they wouldn't put him in jail in his condition. And my dad is a very likeable and well liked man.


Tell him you are not ok with him attending - and, more importantly - that your father is not ok with it.

In this situation, it is likely helpful to let them know of your father's wishes, so they can understand what they are hearing.


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Just wanted to say I am sorry for what you and your family are going through.



I agree your children should be privy to your father and family's wishes. Your H is responsible for any disappointment he may feel for being excluded. It's his to own, not yours.



Take care of yourself.


----------

