# Regret at just missing the moment......



## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

You get to think a lot about everything that happened leading to your breakup. My STBXW and I lost a baby boy, stillborn at 38 weeks. He was there one day, the next, no heartbeat, gone. The hospital should have induced him as soon as my wife appeared with concerns that he had gone quiet. We missed him by less than 24 hours. That 24 hours has completely changed our lives. If he'd arrived safely I'd still be married, tired but happy. Instead she's gone and I'm living alone and posting here.

Towards the end I could feel her pulling away from me. If at the moment she started to talk about moving out I'd actually gone and done what I've done subsequently, counselling, meds... then we may have pulled through. She may have stuck with it.
Now she's thrown it all away, the usual line too little, too late.

This is what tortures me about the breakup....it all ran on such a fine line between survival and catastrophe. It could all have been just headed off if I'd done this...or that. 

Its a fine line between triumph and tragedy....or is it?

The other way I look at it is that there were fundamental things wrong. And if it hadn't been these circumstances then it would have been something else...just the timing would have been different.

I guess I'm torn between accepting the fragile, random nature of events and seeing them as inexorable and inevitable.

Anyone feel the same way, have our marriages been inherently doomed because of the personalities in them or is it just random chance that it doesn't work out for you.....


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

phaber,

To be honest, the devastation of losing a child...is a pain that is unbearable. I really do hope your wife, realises, that sharing the pain, rather than ridding her pillar of hope (You), is the only way to heal in both of your trauma. I really pray that you both pull through, together...

I think its the 'fog' that has really messed her up.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

phaber I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine how heartbreaking that is. I am also sorry that it has come to pass that your marriage has been pinned to the precious life of the one you lost, I don't know what happened to make it so, I do know that having a spouse to lean on and cry with during lifes tests makes us more than twice as strong, so I hope you can find some strength to give your W even if she is not intent on remaining married right now. I send my prayers and wishes your way...


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