# Physical Confrontation?



## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

I'm starting a new thread. Some people are going to get snippy with me for doing so. Sorry- I need help. Not sure how to get it fast. I think I need to be quick and to the point. 

My husband and I got in a fight over a memory card from a camera. 

It got really nasty.... it got physical. Me grabbing at his hand, trying to pry his fingers open... him twisting my arms away, pushing me away, etc. It was ugly. No hits exchanged but some serious tug-of-war/ arm wrestling **** like on an elementary playground. It was very bad. I was stuffing my hands in his pockets looking for the card and he was telling me to get the **** off. 

He left in our only car with the card and his computer. 

If you want the rest of the details, they are in my other longer thread. Not sure if I can combine all my threads somehow so people don't get irritated reading the same story in 2 places... 

Not a proficient blogger or forum participant. Not up on the "etiquette". Sorry for any offense. 

I just need to know if this is a stupid fight that got out of hand or something more. We've really never fought that way before. I was scared but more freaked out by his refusal to just give me the card if there was nothing I shouldn't see on it. 

I momentarily considering calling the police but by then, he already left. I wanted to call my dad and tell him to be here tomorrow to come get me and my daughter, but was afraid of how angry that would make my husband. 

Thanks for any thoughts.

I don't know if this will work, but I am trying to add links to the other threads for anyone interested in reading longer explanations. 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...91322-can-i-change-myself-end-chaos-long.html
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...91338-can-verbally-abusive-spouse-change.html


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

Should I be posting this in another part of the forum? I know waiting less than 30 minutes for a response might be a little impatient.. but I'm desperate. 

Have considered calling a crisis hotline but they ask for your name and address and I am uncomfortable with that. 

Glad to see people are reading. But do the lack of responses mean I'm posting in the wrong area? Or maybe I'm just too high-maintenance...


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

I didn't read your other threads but the problem with this thread is it really doesn't state a question. Exactly what is it you want thoughts on? 

No one can answer if it was a stupid fight that got out of hand or what might have been on that card. 

You need to decide if the physical aspect of your fight was a deal breaker for you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well you sort of went after him so I don't think it warrents calling the police. 

However, were it me, I would tell him that I can only assume that there is something very bad on the memory card so I will react accordingly. 

He needs to move out. You will file for divorce.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

coffee4me said:


> I didn't read your other threads but the problem with this thread is it really doesn't state a question. Exactly what is it you want thoughts on?
> 
> No one can answer if it was a stupid fight that got out of hand or what might have been on that card.
> 
> You need to decide if the physical aspect of your fight was a deal breaker for you.


Thank you for the response and the clarification that I do not actually state a question. My question is... is it okay to have a physical confrontation such as the one I describe? Can a marriage recover from that? It was really scary. My husband says he was trying to get me off of him... and it was all my fault, which may be true. 

It was just so bizarre for him to react that way about my asking for an SD card. Did I mention he lied and said he didn't know where it was? So, I went to look for it, came back and he had it in his hand. He was hiding his hand behind his back. When he brought it forward, he clenched his fingers so I could not see the card. I started the physical part by trying to take the card from him. I calmly went a little crazy. I wanted to know why he was using the camera at our window at night... and then when I found the memory card missing, I thought that was odd also. 

Did I overreact? Am I crazy? Can a couple make it work when something physical like this happens or am I stupid for trying to make it work? Those are my questions.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Well you sort of went after him so I don't think it warrents calling the police.
> 
> However, were it me, I would tell him that I can only assume that there is something very bad on the memory card so I will react accordingly.
> 
> He needs to move out. You will file for divorce.


Yes, I suppose I did sort of go after him. But I wasn't violent. I calmly took his hand, put my fingers on his and said "What on earth have you been up to? Whatever is on this card, we can work through it. Just please let me have it." He grabbed my wrist and twisted it off of his hand. That is how it started. He had a total deer in headlights look on his face. I've seen that look before. There is no reason to keep the card from me unless there is something on there that should not be.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

skinamarink said:


> Yes, I suppose I did sort of go after him. But I wasn't violent. I calmly took his hand, put my fingers on his and said "What on earth have you been up to? Whatever is on this card, we can work through it. Just please let me have it." He grabbed my wrist and twisted it off of his hand. That is how it started. He had a total deer in headlights look on his face. I've seen that look before. There is no reason to keep the card from me unless there is something on there that should not be.


He got more aggressive, you were putting your hands in his pockets. Neither of you were in the right with the physical part of this.

When you asked politely he should have given you the card. He is obviously hiding something from you. If he comes back and hands you the card it's worthless. He's had time to clean it.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

skinamarink said:


> Thank you for the response and the clarification that I do not actually state a question. My question is... is it okay to have a physical confrontation such as the one I describe? Can a marriage recover from that? It was really scary. My husband says he was trying to get me off of him... and it was all my fault, which may be true


The thing is everyone has their personal boundaries on something like this. Some people think its acceptable to slap someone across the face and for some it's a deal breaker. So you need to decide if this kind if physical confrontation is a deal breaker for you. 

I agree with you the whole thing seems ridiculous and you are partly to blame. 

Maybe ask yourself some questions to sort it out. 

1) is the physical confrontation a deal breaker? 

2) will I be able to get over it and own my part in it to move on?

3). I will never know what he may not have wanted me to see on the card. Can I accept that?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

It is very difficult to give an appropriate response with the information given ...

First, I'm sorry that you are here and going through such a terrible crisis in your relationship.

Regarding the altercation, it sounds like both of you played a part. You said that you considered calling the police or a crisis hotline ... do you feel that he was physically abusive towards you? The picture that your story painted for me was that you were attempting to get the card from him by force and he was trying to keep you from getting it in a defensive position. From my perspective, it is never acceptable for a man to strike a woman but I do think that it is understandable if a man uses force in a defensive position. Since you considered getting the police involved, you clearly feel that a line was crossed that I'm not picking up in your story. Can you elaborate?

What made you believe that there was something on the card that you had to see ... so much so that you tried to take it from him forcibly? What did you expect to find? I agree that his outright refusal indicates that he has something to hide. Personally, I would rather just give it up no matter how bad it was than letting it escalate into a shoving match. 

In any case, it does sound like a separation is in order and I probably would leave the house with your child. It may make your husband angry but just from the information given, I don't think you are in any danger.

EDIT: And I see others have responded as I wrote this, lol.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I don't know if it merits the police as it seems to have been a mutual struggle for the memory card...I don't know the laws. If there were moments where there were retaliatory striking...then cops would be taking someone to jail.

Whatever it was, it sounds like it scared you.

I read your other threads...and this seems to be a culmination of a relationship you were hoping to change...but it sounds like you haven't necessarily done much to follow up on the things that would get his attention...namely following through on counseling OR divorce. he called your bluff, because he knows you wouldn't enforce it. This only causes you to lose more ground and respect. He is used to the pattern of he acting like an A-hole, you blow up and make ultimatums, then a cool-down period where everything is nice again.

This memory card business is shady as hell...and don't question yourself or let him think YOU were acting unreasonable. It started off quite innocent...and he flipped out. Any sane person would see that something was up concerning the card. Whatever it was...it's erased now.

Even though it may not merit the PO-PO...this was still a major blowout in the marriage. I don't know if you have a place to go...or if he would be willing to move out...but a separation might be good. You need to establish a HARD-SET plan of what you expect in A marriage, what it will take for you to want to remain in THIS marriage...and what steps you both MUST take to get there. If he refuses...then I think that merits on pulling the plug or insisting he move out until further notice. If he agrees, then YOU decide whether you are cohabitating or separated during the process. BE DECISIVE about this...don't get lazy or afraid and start thinking..."Maybe this was the last time. Maybe he wasn't hiding anything. Maybe...".

You need the space to get out of your irrationalities and DECIDE FOR YOURSELF if you even want to stay in the marriage. Number one reason: The kids...I don't want my kid to have divorced parents...they need the stability. Trust me, this isn't stable...it's far less stable than being apart. I know a kid who lives with her parents who cyclically fight like this...she cuts herself to deal with the anxiety.

Now this is up to you...as I NEVER want to suggest something that will escalate into something ugly...but I would consider seriously telling your husband to NEVER physically manhandle you like that ever again, or police will be called. Even if he says, "Well if YOU didn't try to grab at me first", OR "You were doing it too"...don't falter, don't get sucked in...just firmly and calmly repeat yourself..."Don't ever touch me like that again, or I will call the police."


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> It is very difficult to give an appropriate response with the information given ... You said that you considered calling the police or a crisis hotline ... do you feel that he was physically abusive towards you? ..... From my perspective, it is never acceptable for a man to strike a woman but I do think that it is understandable if a man uses force in a defensive position. Since you considered getting the police involved, you clearly feel that a line was crossed that I'm not picking up in your story. Can you elaborate?


The whole interaction was quite frightening. I was trying to take something from him (which belongs to me, by the way). He was trying to prevent me from taking the item. He grabbed my wrist a few times to get my hand off of his hand. I couldn't just walk away. I was a little nutzo. Yep. I was. But, he started chest-bumping me, kind of pushing me around a little and making really ugly, mean faces and saying really horrible things. That is what made me feel unsafe. I did question... "Is this it? Is this the moment he hits me?" But he didn't. I guess I keep thinking if he hits me then I have reason to leave. 



JustSomeGuyWho said:


> What made you believe that there was something on the card that you had to see ... so much so that you tried to take it from him forcibly? What did you expect to find? I agree that his outright refusal indicates that he has something to hide. Personally, I would rather just give it up no matter how bad it was than letting it escalate into a shoving match.


I had just found him coming down the stairs with our camera in his hand. He was acting strange. I asked what was going on... He went to a window and looked through the camera. Mumbled something about how he heard something outside. He then went upstairs with the camera. I followed him... because he was behaving oddly and I was concerned there might actually be someone outside. When I asked for the camera to look, he refused. That is what I thought was odd. I took the camera and looked out the window myself. I noted you couldn't see any more clearly looking through the lens than you could with your own eyes. Out of habit, I turned the camera on. That is what I do when I pick it up. I noticed the memory card was missing. I asked where it was. He said he didn't know. I went to look for it. I ran into him in the hallway and he was attempting to conceal the card from me and had a funny look on his face (his "oh **** I'm caught" face). That is when I asked for the card and he refused. [/QUOTE]

[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much for your time.

Ummmm.. amendment: Maybe I should add in some detail I included in my other thread. My husband has a history of lying to me. He lies. I know his face when he is caught in a lie. His breathing changes. I know when he's in fight-or-flight mode after I have "caught" him doing something. He was arrested for voyeurism twice before we were married. The charges were dropped both times. He said the first time, he and a bunch of buddies thought it would be funny to go to some girls house and bang on all the windows in the middle of the night. The cops were called and he's the one who was caught. He was a teenager. The second time, we were engaged. He took my car in the middle of the night. The police called to tell me my car was at some apartment complex. When I got there, they told me my (now husband) gave them a false name.. and that some lady said someone was knocking on her window. She did not know my husband. My husband swore up and down he didn't knock on anyone's window. He said he pulled in because he was speeding and was afraid to get a ticket because our car was currently uninsured. (I know this is ridiculous now but I was 24 at the time and actually did believe it). He says he got out of the car to pretend he lived there and that's when the police stopped him. He maintained that lie for 10 years. I suspected it was a lie but my husband's parents convinced me he was telling the truth. I finally got him to change his story about 5 months ago. It doesn't matter what the second story was... it's a lie as well. I married a liar. 

I can't go back and change the past. Why I chose to ignore warning signs in my relationship is beyond me. I have had ample time and opportunity to leave. I am sick. There is something wrong with me. Now we have a child and I desperately want to be able to go on and make our marriage work. I just don't know if it ever can. I have a spouse who I think lives a double life. I think he hides something from me... and, most likely, I don't want to know. 

Oh- one last thing. He had a pair of binoculars and a set of "night gear" when we met. Dark long-sleeved clothing and pants, a full face mask, black gloves... and binoculars. He told me it was what he and his friends would do for fun in high school... go out and spy on people and then run up and bang on their windows. I thought it was a stupid thing that boys did. I wrote it off.... However, I did find the empty binoculars case in a drawer under our bed last week. I found that very odd. The binoculars are kept IN the case in the garage, and have been for years. My husband says he has no idea where the binoculars are or why the case was under our bed- on his side- in a drawer.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

While I think you both were in the wrong in the altercation, it does sound like he was getting scary. This is why you never, ever put your hands on someone in a situation like this. Just back away.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

coffee4me said:


> 1) is the physical confrontation a deal breaker?
> 
> 2) will I be able to get over it and own my part in it to move on?
> 
> 3). I will never know what he may not have wanted me to see on the card. Can I accept that?


1.) No. It probably should be. But it's not. 

2.) I can get over the physical part, yes.

3.) I can accept it but it will eat me alive for the rest of my life, just as every other lie he's told me has eaten at me all of these years. I obsess over what the truth might be.. and I will never know because he seems to take satisfaction in keeping things from me. 

Thank you for your time.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> While I think you both were in the wrong in the altercation, it does sound like he was getting scary. This is why you never, ever put your hands on someone in a situation like this. Just back away.


Yeah. I should have just let him take the card.. then carefully and nonchalantly followed him to see what he planned to do with it. 

I admit; I went totally bonkers. Quietly, though, our baby was sleeping. No yelling took place. Just forced whispers and angry stare-downs (my husband not me). I kept trying to pry the card out of his fingers. I knew that if I didn't get it at that moment, I would have to wonder for the rest of my life why he wanted to keep it from me so badly.

I had a chance to take it when he came home but didn't. I knew it left the house- he already did whatever he wanted to do to alter the card. But a man with nothing to hide would not behave in such a manner just to spite his wife, would he? 

Thanks for your response.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

skinamarink said:


> The whole interaction was quite frightening. I was trying to take something from him (which belongs to me, by the way). He was trying to prevent me from taking the item. He grabbed my wrist a few times to get my hand off of his hand. I couldn't just walk away. I was a little nutzo. Yep. I was. But, he started chest-bumping me, kind of pushing me around a little and making really ugly, mean faces and saying really horrible things. That is what made me feel unsafe. I did question... "Is this it? Is this the moment he hits me?" But he didn't. I guess I keep thinking if he hits me then I have reason to leave.
> 
> *It sounds to me like he was trying to intimidate you to back off. I can understand how that could be scary. The police probably would not have done much except question both of you and try to calm both of you down. Certainly they would record that they responded to a domestic violence call at your address.
> 
> ...


EDIT: I see you amended your response and I was spot on when I said I don't trust him. I really hate to advise ending a marriage ... in most cases I believe in making every effort to save it ... but this is a significant character flaw that is unlikely to change. Love ... real love ... starts and ends with trust.

Another thing ... do not stay married to this man simply because you now have a child. It is not healthy for you or your child. Do you want this man to be a role model of a husband for your daughter? You don't have to accept this as your future. I might have a different take on it if you were struggling in your relationship but he was a trustworthy person who would make a good father and a home but he sounds like anything but that.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

FormerSelf said:


> I don't know if it merits the police as it seems to have been a mutual struggle for the memory card...I don't know the laws. If there were moments where there were retaliatory striking...then cops would be taking someone to jail.
> 
> Whatever it was, it sounds like it scared you.
> 
> ...


Wow, thanks. I haven't been hard-nosed about the therapy, you are correct. I have scheduled two counseling sessions and my husband has been "unable" to go. He set parameters... it has to be someone within 5 minutes of his work and it can't take more than an hour of his time. _EDIT: He has now told me to "**** off" and he's "not going to ****ing therapy" because he "doesn't have time to deal with this ****". I tried to remind him he committed to 1 hour (it was supposed to be 1 hour a week but he doesn't think so) and he put his fingers in his ears and started saying "I'm not listening to you. You can talk as much as you want but I am not listening to anything you have to say. I don't even know if you're still standing there and I don't care. Just go away and leave me alone."_

With regard to how I am working on myself; I go to therapy with a psychologist once a week. Too bad, he's on vacation this week and I could really use him! I have seen my GP three times in the past month on the referral of my psychologist to see if there is a way to help me with my anxiety and depression using medication. I was given Adderall (for ADHD) 6 weeks ago and Wellbutrin (for depression) and Ativan for moments of panic like tonight. 

I like the advice about telling my husband the manhandling is not to happen again, under any circumstances. He will, of course, rebut my statement with "I was trying to get you off of me" but that isn't true. He became very aggressive. No need to be that aggressive. If there is nothing to hide and I'm really and truly a paranoid moron, give me the card and let me find out. To fight tooth and nail to keep something from me just to spite me doesn't make sense. He said he wouldn't turn it over because it would mean he is acquiescing to my "irrational" "delusional" insecurities. 

For the record, my husband has decided we are now living as roommates. He is in another room and I'm in our bed.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> EDIT: I see you amended your response and I was spot on when I said I don't trust him. I really hate to advise ending a marriage ... in most cases I believe in making every effort to save it ... but this is a significant character flaw that is unlikely to change. Love ... real love ... starts and ends with trust.


Thank you for your comments. Trust has been an issue from early on... from the moment I discovered his porn stash (and he lied about it), to the time I found he'd had a Match.com profile and was using it actively for the first year we were together (he lied and said he didn't make the page- a friend did- later said he did it "out of boredom")... and on and on. I told all of these things to my parents 2 nights before I married my husband. They told me to forgive him; he was young, we all make mistakes. They believed he loved me and would grow into a loving, mature husband. I had doubts. But, instead of making my own decision, I hoped my parents would tell me to run. I didn't. I thought I could help him.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

skinamarink said:


> Yeah. I should have just let him take the card.. then carefully and nonchalantly followed him to see what he planned to do with it.
> 
> I admit; I went totally bonkers. Quietly, though, our baby was sleeping. No yelling took place. Just forced whispers and angry stare-downs (my husband not me). I kept trying to pry the card out of his fingers. I knew that if I didn't get it at that moment, I would have to wonder for the rest of my life why he wanted to keep it from me so badly.
> 
> ...


Not unless he has some real issues. So either he had something to hide or he has psychological issues. Neither one is good. Honestly it sound like both are true.


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## Trojan John (Sep 30, 2011)

He may have erased the card, but unless new photos were taken there is a good chance that you can use recovery software to get them back. There are free applications all over the web.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> EDIT:
> Another thing ... do not stay married to this man simply because you now have a child. It is not healthy for you or your child. Do you want this man to be a role model of a husband for your daughter? You don't have to accept this as your future. I might have a different take on it if you were struggling in your relationship but he was a trustworthy person who would make a good father and a home but he sounds like anything but that.


That's kind of the problem. We have a beautiful daughter. I don't want this man to be a role model of a husband for my daughter. I want what I ENVISION he can be... I want him to WANT to change. I am scared of a future without my husband. We've been together nearly 12 years, married 9. I am in my mid-30's with a baby. I can't fathom a life with anyone else. I only ever had 2 other serious relationships (neither good but this one really takes the cake!). I can't bear the thought of another woman (his imaginary future woman other than me) raising my daughter part-time. I can't imagine splitting up and listening her ask for her daddy every morning and having to explain he doesn't live at home anymore. I'm scared sick...


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

Trojan John said:


> He may have erased the card, but unless new photos were taken there is a good chance that you can use recovery software to get them back. There are free applications all over the web.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He knows that. That is why I am certain he is doing everything he can right now to make sure that can never happen. He's a pretty tech-savvy guy. Why else would he insist that I leave the card with him all night? We're sleeping in separate rooms, per his request as we are to be "just roommates from now on". 

I wouldn't put it past him to destroy the card and replace it with a duplicate. He'd do it.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

skinamarink said:


> Thank you for your comments. Trust has been an issue from early on... from the moment I discovered his porn stash (and he lied about it), to the time I found he'd had a Match.com profile and was using it actively for the first year we were together (he lied and said he didn't make the page- a friend did- later said he did it "out of boredom")... and on and on. I told all of these things to my parents 2 nights before I married my husband. They told me to forgive him; he was young, we all make mistakes. They believed he loved me and would grow into a loving, mature husband. I had doubts. But, instead of making my own decision, I hoped my parents would tell me to run. I didn't. I thought I could help him.


I'm forever an optimist so I believe it is very possible that at some point he becomes a loving, mature person ... that probably won't happen anytime soon and probably not in this relationship. Things will get worse before they get better.

It sounds to me like you know what you need to do ... for both you and your daughter.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I'm forever an optimist so I believe it is very possible that at some point he becomes a loving, mature person ... that probably won't happen anytime soon and probably not in this relationship. Things will get worse before they get better.
> 
> It sounds to me like you know what you need to do ... for both you and your daughter.


Just the thought makes me sick to my stomach. What if we can make it work but we give up too soon? I do not have the courage to follow through. I just don't. Stupidly, after all of this, I love the man. I know, that's twisted.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

skinamarink said:


> That's kind of the problem. We have a beautiful daughter. I don't want this man to be a role model of a husband for my daughter. I want what I ENVISION he can be... I want him to WANT to change. I am scared of a future without my husband. We've been together nearly 12 years, married 9. I am in my mid-30's with a baby. I can't fathom a life with anyone else. I only ever had 2 other serious relationships (neither good but this one really takes the cake!). I can't bear the thought of another woman (his imaginary future woman other than me) raising my daughter part-time. I can't imagine splitting up and listening her ask for her daddy every morning and having to explain he doesn't live at home anymore. I'm scared sick...


I completely understand. I have two daughters of my own. I am here because I have marital problems of my own and I have the very same concerns about a divorce. My daughters are at the center of every decision I make. One thing I know to be true is that you can't make decisions based on what "might" happen ... you have to make decisions based on what you know. 

Like I said, I'm an optimist. I think things will not turn out nearly as bad as you think. Would you rather that he is a full-time role model the way he is now, or part-time ... which is better? It may be a struggle but you will adapt. Don't sell yourself short on the new relationship part either. You might not be able to envision it right now but you don't know what good things life has in store for you.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

skinamarink said:


> Just the thought makes me sick to my stomach. What if we can make it work but we give up too soon? I do not have the courage to follow through. I just don't. Stupidly, after all of this, I love the man. I know, that's twisted.


If you think there is a chance to make it work then good. Do you know how you can make it work? What is the plan? What will it take for your marriage to get back to where you want it to be and for him to be a good role model for your daughter?

The nature of these threads is that you usually only hear the bad stuff. That is why I'm usually hesitant to say ... divorce the guy. I just don't know enough. I am saying it to you though simply because he seems untrustworthy. You do love him though so that is worth talking about. What do you love about him?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So he's a voyeur, he had a camera in his hand, and he wouldn't let you see what pictures were taken. And he's abusive. 

Tell me what in this picture is worth staying for. Not to mention the tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees you'll be responsible for once he goes on trial for voyeurism that you'll have to pay if you're still married to him when he gets caught.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

skinamarink said:


> With regard to how I am working on myself; I go to therapy with a psychologist once a week. Too bad, he's on vacation this week and I could really use him! I have seen my GP three times in the past month on the referral of my psychologist to see if there is a way to help me with my anxiety and depression using medication. I was given Adderall (for ADHD) 6 weeks ago and Wellbutrin (for depression) and Ativan for moments of panic like tonight.


You would need NONE of that if you weren't with this man.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

skinamarink said:


> Thank you for your comments. Trust has been an issue from early on... from the moment I discovered his porn stash (and he lied about it), to the time I found he'd had a Match.com profile and was using it actively for the first year we were together (he lied and said he didn't make the page- a friend did- later said he did it "out of boredom")... and on and on. I told all of these things to my parents 2 nights before I married my husband. They told me to forgive him; he was young, we all make mistakes. They believed he loved me and would grow into a loving, mature husband. I had doubts. But, instead of making my own decision, I hoped my parents would tell me to run. I didn't. I thought I could help him.


So the reason you feel unable to stand up for yourself is that your parents raised you to believe you weren't worthy enough to get better treatment.

Hon, we've told you this ad nauseum already - he WILL NOT CHANGE. It's who he is and the ONLY hope you have of any type of relationship with him that doesn't put you in the mental hospital is if you leave him and THEN set your requirements for what he'd have to do to win you back. 

As long as you stay there, he has no reason to change.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

skinamarink said:


> I can't imagine splitting up and listening her ask for her daddy every morning and having to explain he doesn't live at home anymore. I'm scared sick...


Assuming you handle this correctly, she would only be doing that for a month or three, and then she would accept that this is her new life and adjust. And by living with you at least half of the time (most likely MOST of the time), you will be able to influence her without worrying about his bad influence. 

Not to mention that I worry what his voyeurism might morph into as she goes into puberty and he has a beautiful young lady in his very own home.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

skinamarink said:


> We're sleeping in separate rooms, per his request as we are to be "just roommates from now on".


Wow, he sure punished YOU, didn't he? I hope you said "Good."


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

skinamarink said:


> Oh- one last thing. He had a pair of binoculars and a set of "night gear" when we met. Dark long-sleeved clothing and pants, a full face mask, black gloves... and binoculars.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

skinamarink said:


> He had a pair of binoculars and a set of "night gear" when we met. Dark long-sleeved clothing and pants, a full face mask, black gloves... and binoculars.


All thats left is rope, duct tape and a weapon and his rape kit would be complete. Creepy


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

skinamarink, please remember that YOU will be liable for any legal stuff he gets messed up in.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

Trojan John said:


> He may have erased the card, but unless new photos were taken there is a good chance that you can use recovery software to get them back. There are free applications all over the web.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Okay, so I recovered 25 deleted photos. There was nothing unusual; it was all family photos. However, he did leave the house around 11 and at 11:04, the card was modified (according to the "info" on the card itself). Maybe he just opened it to see if it was damaged in our struggle. That is plausible. The card would still show as "modified" if it was just put in the computer, right? 

So, I am either a total paranoid idiot who doesn't trust her husband... and it all came out in an ugly way last night.... or my husband is trying to make me think I am. Even IF there was nothing weird on the camera, why the big deal about handing over the card? He knows that would only add fuel to the fire, making me suspicious and irrational. Maybe I was totally irrational. Maybe I was. I acknowledge that possibility. 

However, I can't fathom why he put up such a fight. I was a bit bonkers- maybe he could have saved us both some trouble by being the bigger person and simply handing the card over with a laugh. That would have been fine. And I would've felt like a heel. 

Am I trying to convince myself I'm not crazy?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

No, you're trying to convince yourself that your husband is an honorable, admirable man and not a sicko creep.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

In hindsight, please let me say that I am acutely aware that I have my own set of personal issues and I am working to correct them. I was already really worked up yesterday about a host of other marital issues. 

For days, I have been ruminating over the past... all the way back to when my husband and I were dating. I have been thinking about all of the times he's violated my trust and lied to me. I let my mind get carried away with the "what if" game.. "What if he cheated on me when we were dating?", "What if he's moved from porn to "live" models online?", "Why does he continue to delete texts from numbers I do not recognize?", "What if something weird is going on with the hot chick next door who was REALLY surprised to know we were 'together', as he never mentioned he was married?"

So, I had already been on edge and driving myself nuts thinking about all of these things. It didn't take much when I saw him with the camera in hand and found the SD card missing to jump to conclusions. It IS possible that I totally jumped to conclusions, which made him hurt and angry and he refused to turn over the card as a refusal to feed my (irrational?) need to check up on him.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Even if you jumped to conclusions, you have a BODY of bad behavior that is not that of a loving, caring husband. Don't you deserve better?


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

turnera said:


> So he's a voyeur, he had a camera in his hand, and he wouldn't let you see what pictures were taken. And he's abusive.
> 
> Tell me what in this picture is worth staying for. Not to mention the tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees you'll be responsible for once he goes on trial for voyeurism that you'll have to pay if you're still married to him when he gets caught.


I have always had suspicions he might not be telling the truth about the 2 arrests that both list "voyeurism" as the charge. I had a really difficult time "getting over" that information. But, I also followed him once when we were dating. He would go out late at night and be gone for a couple of hours.. "walking". Well, he was walking... but I saw him approach a few sliding glass doors. He walked up on the patios, didn't get close to the doors or act like he was going to try to go in or anything. He didn't know I was following him. I never told him I did. It was more than a year later that he was arrested on the second charge. I confronted him about the TWO arrests (his parents didn't know about the first one, he was 18 or 19 and didn't tell them) in front of his parents when he was arrested the second time. I told him and his parents I SAW him going onto peoples' patios that night I followed him. He at first feigned ignorance but then said he was looking for things to take off of the patios, not looking in windows. He and his parents (both highly educated PhD's; one a psychologist at that!) managed to convince me he was telling the truth. 

I brought all of this information to my parents, as I said in a previous post, two nights before we were to get married. They were shocked but ultimately thought he was a good guy with plausible explanations for all three weird factoids. They trusted him too. 

I started to worry about all of this stuff about 5 months ago, when I FINALLY got him to change his story after 10 years regarding the 2nd arrest. He always stuck to the same story... and then it changed. He said another person was with him and they were going to see this girl this other guy liked and couldn't remember which apartment she lived in, so knocked on the window of the apartment he thought he was. (This was at 2 or 3 a.m., mind you.) My husband says the other guy ran and he got stopped by police. Hmmm.. sounds a lot like that first story. I don't believe this story, either, by the way. I think he was going there to screw another girl is what I think. I think he used to know someone who lived there and he was trying to remember which apartment was hers. The first question his dad asked when we arrived to collect him from the squad car was "Who is she?". My husband denied there was anyone else. 

The cops at the scene said they saw his car pull in to the complex rather quickly. They watched him park and walk between the buildings. When he emerged a few minutes later, they asked what he was doing. He lied and said he lived there and gave a fake name. Obviously, that didn't fly. That's when I got the call (was staying at his parents house, we were supposed to go to a family reunion the next day with my family). My husband says he SAW the cops when he pulled in and was afraid he was getting busted for speeding. I now know this is a lie. He later told me (remember... 10 years later) that he went there deliberately with another person. I don't know what to think. And thinking about all of this has made me an anxious mess. 

I want so much to believe there is a plausible (non-sicko) explanation to his behavior. Finding the empty binoculars case in our bedroom is disturbing to me. I know I didn't put it there. So, that, mixed with all other odd behaviors on his part has made me a nervous wreck. 

Does it make sense, now why I overreacted regarding the SD card?


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## TurtleRun (Oct 18, 2013)

Well the SD card is just a recent thing but everything else added up makes a big problem. 

You had to get convinced by other people in-laws that he wasn't looking in windows or w/e and your own parents that he was trustworthy before you married him. 

There is no trust and you have been denying your instincts this whole time. You are not paranoid or crazy cause your husband is not acting normal at all and you know this already!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

IIWY, I would get yourself into therapy and discuss this and see what a professional thinks.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

turnera said:


> IIWY, I would get yourself into therapy and discuss this and see what a professional thinks.


Thanks so much for your thoughtful responses and your time.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

TurtleRun said:


> Well the SD card is just a recent thing but everything else added up makes a big problem.
> 
> You had to get convinced by other people in-laws that he wasn't looking in windows or w/e and your own parents that he was trustworthy before you married him.
> 
> There is no trust and you have been denying your instincts this whole time. You are not paranoid or crazy cause your husband is not acting normal at all and you know this already!


Yes. You nailed it. Thanks for your time.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

It sounds to me like the fighting spat is not the real issue. No one was hurt and he never actually hit you, it was just scary.

The real issue is his tendency to philandering and what was in that card. My bet it was something nasty, and until he fesses up and tells you the truth and apologizes and takes ownership and makes amends, then it will be just rug sweeping.

But, he's being a butt head instead


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Do you live in a area that has a lot of houses close by? I can't help believing that you haven't figured this out by now.

He has a history. You can use the word voyeur but most of the time it's called a "peeping Tom". 

Now he's taking pictures out the window, and has a pair of binoculars by the window. You know he's not into bird watching and no doubt what's on the memory card is a picture of some woman caught bare assed and he took a picture of it and hasn't had a chance to down load it to his super secret stash he has hidden.

Now I might be totally wrong but everything you have described here points to it. Why do you think that you and him almost got into a fist fight over the card. Because he has something on the card that he doesn't want you to see and it's probably Mrs Jones down the street in some sort of state of undress.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> It sounds to me like the fighting spat is not the real issue. No one was hurt and he never actually hit you, it was just scary.
> 
> The real issue is his tendency to philandering and what was in that card. My bet it was something nasty, and until he fesses up and tells you the truth and apologizes and takes ownership and makes amends, then it will be just rug sweeping.
> 
> But, he's being a butt head instead


There were 25 deleted photos that I was able to recover from the card. They were all family photos. There were no illicit photos.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

6301 said:


> Do you live in a area that has a lot of houses close by? I can't help believing that you haven't figured this out by now. He has a history. You can use the word voyeur but most of the time it's called a "peeping Tom".


We live in a very populated city; downtown but not close to many other buildings. You have to walk several blocks to get to the big ones. 

We lived in another apartment a couple of years ago. It had a rooftop deck. My husband would say he was going out on the deck... and I'd go up there and he was gone. There was a gate that led to a roof walkway for maintenance any tenant had access to. My husband was down at the end of the walkway, looking over the edge at buildings. I let him know that was totally weird and I didn't want him going out there again. We walked back to our deck and I pointed out that everyone's bedrooms are clearly visible, even with the fencing. I told him he was an idiot to be up there ever - but especially at night.. if anyone saw him, they'd call police. (And should!) I don't remember if we fought about this incident but I am guessing we did. 

Yeah. Okay. Police records don't lie. My husband, on the other hand, DOES. ****. 

I can't help but wonder how to get my hands on the arrest records. Won't make me feel better but it's something I can PROVE actually happened... and he can try to fabricate yet another story to squirm out of it... IN THERAPY. 

I think I am (and HAVE BEEN) in denial. 



6301 said:


> Now he's taking pictures out the window, and has a pair of binoculars by the window. You know he's not into bird watching and no doubt what's on the memory card is a picture of some woman caught bare assed and he took a picture of it and hasn't had a chance to down load it to his super secret stash he has hidden.


I have no proof he was taking pictures out the window. Again, all 25 recovered files were family related. 

I think, if he does have a problem as a "peeping Tom"... then I must have put the idea in his head to look at people when I asked where the binoculars were a few days ago. He says he heard someone outside.. maybe he did. There was no one out there when I went to the window to look. He was acting funny (voice kind of shaky, breathing heavy, etc.... which is what he does when he's "caught"). More likely there was no one "messing with the car outside" but that it was a female and he wanted a closer look. He grabbed the camera, thinking they would operate like binoculars. That is my guess.... but it is just a guess. 

...and it definitely doesn't help me feel better.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

But you said he was a guru on that stuff. How would you ever know if there was more?


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

turnera said:


> But you said he was a guru on that stuff. How would you ever know if there was more?


I wouldn't.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

skinamarink said:


> W He was acting funny (voice kind of shaky, breathing heavy, etc.... which is what he does when he's "caught").


Or when he's turned on.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

turnera said:


> Or when he's turned on.


Ew. He had literally been out of my presence like 5 minutes. No more. The cars he was looking at were less than 20 feet away.. so no need for a camera for a close up.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

skinamarink said:


> Oh- one last thing. He had a pair of binoculars and a set of "night gear" when we met. Dark long-sleeved clothing and pants, a full face mask, black gloves... and binoculars. He told me it was what he and his friends would do for fun in high school... go out and spy on people and then run up and bang on their windows. I thought it was a stupid thing that boys did. I wrote it off.... However, I did find the empty binoculars case in a drawer under our bed last week. I found that very odd. The binoculars are kept IN the case in the garage, and have been for years. My husband says he has no idea where the binoculars are or why the case was under our bed- on his side- in a drawer.


Face mask? I feel that you are in denial. How much longer before he crosses the line into something more than just taking pictures? Are you really serious about not investigating further what he is doing? Or perhaps trying to get him some psychological help? Do you have family you can turn to for support? People don't have "full gear" just for some high school pranks!


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

Omego said:


> Face mask? I feel that you are in denial. How much longer before he crosses the line into something more than just taking pictures? Are you really serious about not investigating further what he is doing? Or perhaps trying to get him some psychological help? Do you have family you can turn to for support? People don't have "full gear" just for some high school pranks!


I would agree that I am in denial. I am still trying to look for any "logical" explanation. He has Tourettes. I don't know if that has anything to do with his problems.

I am still trying to hold on to some small glimmer of hope that we can make it work. When things are good, they're really, REALLY good.. .and when things are bad.. well, you've read my posts. It did just occur to me that it is possible he had a totally different SD card in his hand than the one we normally use. It is a possibility. I didn't pay attention to what it looked like. I have considered ordering a copy of both arrest records... and searching for any arrests I may not have known about in previous cities. I am feeling like this sneaking around and digging up old information is really asking for trouble. Things are bad enough.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Not if you just left.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

skinamarink said:


> I'm starting a new thread. Some people are going to get snippy with me for doing so. Sorry- I need help. Not sure how to get it fast. I think I need to be quick and to the point.
> 
> My husband and I got in a fight over a memory card from a camera.
> 
> ...


Unfortunately having been in a physical violence relationship I will make my comments.

It sounds like you where attempting to physically force the memory card away from him. Even though he was in the wrong, and it sounds like he was not trying to be bullrushed by you and trying to keep you off.

It's in a mans rights to keep a woman from physically violating his space if he wants to. 

It sounded like retaliatory in nature and not excessive force.

Of course it probably was something on the memory card. And even if it was not, perhaps he was like "she's not going to snatch this from my hand" and tried to stop you and you attempting to escalate the raising of force.

I don't think he's in the wrong here.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

Hello Everyone, 

My name is __________. 

My husband is a voyeur. 

That's right. I used a different recovery tool. Found 57 pictures that my husband took last night of a girl across the street walking around naked in her bedroom. 

Know what the most sickening thing is? He took the photos from our daughter's bedroom as she was sleeping. 

There it is. 

I've called my dad and told him. Husband's parents are picking him up from work today (I have the car) and I have told his parents he is not to return home except to get clothing. 

I WILL report this to the authorities. I just don't know how to do that yet... (Call 911? call a social work office? a lawyer?) Any thoughts here?? What he has done and what I have uncovered is a FELONY. HE WILL GO TO JAIL. We have a baby and a business. This will be in the news. It will ruin him. 

I am beyond words. But, I got my answer. I am glad I didn't have to go another 20 years to get it.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

P.S. Pretty sure any glimmer of hope for my marriage to make it just faded away.....


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Look up your local police station online and you should be able to find a non-emergency number. Call that number, let them know you'd like to report a crime and hand over evidence. 

I'm glad you got the answers, even if they're awful ones.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm so sorry. I think, well, I don't know. Part of me says to call a lawyer first, but part of me says if you do that, you may look guilty too. I guess I'd call the lawyer, so he can guide you in not getting yourself incriminated.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

skinamarink said:


> P.S. Pretty sure any glimmer of hope for my marriage to make it just faded away.....


But now you're not raising your daughter in the same house with a sex offender. 

Far better to save the kid than the marriage, in my opinion.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

skinamarink said:


> I WILL report this to the authorities. I just don't know how to do that yet... (Call 911? call a social work office? a lawyer?) Any thoughts here??


 Call them all but start with the cops first then a lawyer. I'm sorry that you had to find out this way but I'm not sorry that you did find out.

I know your hurting and mad but at least you know and caught it before something else happened that could be worse.

I would love to know how he's going to explain this to his family and his daughter when she's older.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Skin, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Glad you found out, though.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's not the end of the road. He may get sent for treatment; you never know.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

..........this is killing me. I am in a living nightmare. It's only going to get worse. He is in really REALLY big trouble. Our lives are forever altered. I don't know how to go forward. 

Filed all the necessary paperwork today.

Staying with family. Living hell. 

Can't post any other details at this time


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

We're praying for you.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Ugh...yeah, there is no stuffing this cat in the bag. You are doing the absolute right thing by getting this out in the open. Not only are you doing the best for yourself and your daughter, but also looking out for the best interest of the community.

Voyeurism is definitely considered a sex offense and you need get as far away from that as possible. This is an activity known to preclude extreme stalking and rape.

Just do what you have to do...one day at a time. It's also okay to be mad.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

skinamarink said:


> Found 57 pictures that my husband took last night of a girl across the street walking around naked in her bedroom.
> 
> Know what the most sickening thing is? He took the photos from our daughter's bedroom as she was sleeping.


About how old is the girl across the street?

I ask because it would make a HUGE difference to me if the girl was 18 years old as opposed to 8. 

In the first case, I could be much more forgiving and chalk it up to rude behavior. In the second case, I would not tolerate it at all. 




> _I WILL report this to the authorities. I just don't know how to do that yet... (Call 911? call a social work office? a lawyer?) Any thoughts here?? What he has done and what I have uncovered is a FELONY. HE WILL GO TO JAIL. We have a baby and a business. This will be in the news. It will ruin him._


If it's a business that you run together, it will ruin *you* also. And you certainly can't get alimony or child support from a guy in jail.

It sounds like you have already taken certain steps, but I HIGHLY recommend you speak to an attorney and understand all the ramifications here before blowing it up and taking it to the police.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

skinamarink said:


> Hello Everyone,
> 
> My name is __________.
> 
> ...


How old is this girl he took pictures of? Your using the word "girl" makes me think that she is under aged.

It's odd that she was naked and walking around where she could be seen from your daughter's window. 

Your husband was wrong to take pictures of her.

But she was wrong to put herself on display like that.

Something is just not right with both parties in this.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

Theseus said:


> About how old is the girl across the street?
> 
> I ask because it would make a HUGE difference to me if the girl was 18 years old as opposed to 8.
> 
> ...


Voyeurism is illegal. I reported it within 24 hours of seeing the images. A SWAT team raided our home and seized all electronic devices. Reporting my husband was the second most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. The MOST difficult thing... filing a restraining order, request for temporary custody & divorce. 

Yes, it will ruin BOTH of us. I am just reeling from all of this, and the realization that he was also most likely cheating with multiple women. It's disgusting. I can't believe I was completely taken by this man. I don't know who the bleep I married.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> How old is this girl he took pictures of? Your using the word "girl" makes me think that she is under aged.
> 
> It's odd that she was naked and walking around where she could be seen from your daughter's window.
> 
> ...


It is wrong on both parts, yes. The female is an exhibitionist and just HAPPENED to have moved in across the street from a voyeur who likes to take photos of women undressing in their bedrooms. It was a match made in heaven and a recipe for disaster for our marriage. I am glad I found out now, while my daughter is young.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

skinamarink said:


> It is wrong on both parts, yes. The female is an exhibitionist and just HAPPENED to have moved in across the street from a voyeur who likes to take photos of women undressing in their bedrooms. It was a match made in heaven and a recipe for disaster for our marriage. I am glad I found out now, while my daughter is young.


 Maybe you should leave a note on her door and let her know that her bare assing the neighborhood can lead to trouble. 

Way back in the early 70's, I was living in a apartment complex and the building next door and a husband and wife duo that had a habit of leaving their window curtains open and they put on some serious performances.

Word got around from one kid to another and maybe twice a week in the summer all the teenage kids would gather in the parking lot, sit on the ground and watch the show until someones dad found out about it and next thing you know the cops are at the house and I don't know what happened to the couple but the show closed and the kids had to find something else to do on a Friday night.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

FormerSelf said:


> Ugh...yeah, there is no stuffing this cat in the bag. You are doing the absolute right thing by getting this out in the open. Not only are you doing the best for yourself and your daughter, but also looking out for the best interest of the community.
> 
> Voyeurism is definitely considered a sex offense and you need get as far away from that as possible. This is an activity known to preclude extreme stalking and rape.
> 
> Just do what you have to do...one day at a time. It's also okay to be mad.


My mind is going crazy with thoughts of all of the other things he could have done. He has been pretty much absent for the past 2 1/2 months. I have NO CLUE where he's been or what he's been up to. He is a pathological liar, and a damn good one, too. I NEVER thought my husband would cheat on me. I don't have definitive proof but I have all I need for the time being (can't handle more right now). 

I think it's a whole different ball of wax when you take photos instead of just peeping in windows, though. Not sure. My fear is.. what was he planning to do with those? He has obviously done this before... what else has he done?


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

turnera said:


> We're praying for you.


Thanks- I am trying to reconnect with my spirituality and faith in this situation. Reading some prayers has helped me focus a bit.


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## skinamarink (May 5, 2014)

6301 said:


> Call them all but start with the cops first then a lawyer. I'm sorry that you had to find out this way but I'm not sorry that you did find out.
> 
> I know your hurting and mad but at least you know and caught it before something else happened that could be worse.
> 
> I would love to know how he's going to explain this to his family and his daughter when she's older.


I wholly agree with you. His family has no clue what is going on and they've been lashing out at me for taking off without explanation. It's been really difficult to deal with but I've been instructed that I a NOT to speak with anyone in his family. 

I am not sorry that I found out, either. It's just so shocking. We are all left wondering what else he could've done and kept totally hidden from me.. and everyone else. Is he a stalker? A rapist? How many women does he have on the side? Has he given me an STD? How long has this been happening? My mind just can't tune out all of the thoughts.. and mental images of him with other women. It's just awful. I'm torturing myself.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

skinamarink said:


> Voyeurism is illegal. I reported it within 24 hours of seeing the images. A SWAT team raided our home and seized all electronic devices.


It is illegal, but so are things like speeding or growing marijuana. I have a feeling you called the police more out of anger against your husband than a sense of civic duty or a desire to obey the law. 

In you next post you said the woman he was watching is an "exhibitionist". That makes it sound like she is an adult. If she is, she might not even press charges against him. In fact, theoretically she could be charged with indecent exposure if she was doing it intentionally. 




> _Yes, it will ruin BOTH of us. I am just reeling from all of this, and the realization that he was also most likely cheating with multiple women. It's disgusting. I can't believe I was completely taken by this man. I don't know who the bleep I married._


I don't blame you for filing for divorce. However, you could have done it in much less destructive way, instead of using the "nuclear option" that destroys you both. But I guess it matters little now, because what's done is done.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I don't see anything wrong with what you did. Obviously the first two times he was caught and arrested for doing the same thing didn't phase him at all. Now maybe he will actually have some consequences for his actions.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Theseus said:


> In you next post you said the woman he was watching is an "exhibitionist". That makes it sound like she is an adult. If she is, she might not even press charges against him. In fact, theoretically she could be charged with indecent exposure if she was doing it intentionally.


The legal process will sort that all out. 

As for divorce, no way in hell I'd raise a child with him.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

turnera said:


> The legal process will sort that all out.


Calling in the law is like using a huge sledgehammer - gets the job done eventually but destroys a lot of things around it in the process.

So here the SWAT team raids the house and seizes all their electronic devices. Not only is calling the police on a voyeur husband dramatic overkill (unless it involves children), all of this also wastes police time and money.



> _As for divorce, no way in hell I'd raise a child with him._


From her descriptions of this guy's history, you get no arguments from me on that one.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, I'm sure her neighbors thank her for the sledgehammer.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

turnera said:


> Well, I'm sure her neighbors thank her for the sledgehammer.



Yeah really. Not only has he been arrested, she's caught him on neighbors patios trying to look through their sliding glass doors and windows. The guy is a neighborhood menace.


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