# HUGE FIGHT with my wife over birth control and condoms



## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

My wife recently visited her doctor.I won't get into the exact medical situation,but her doctor took her off of the pill.We were about to have sex and she told me I had to use a condom.There was a lot of back and forth,some arguing.I suggested that we just use withdrawal.She was saying that that wasn't a good method for preventing pregnancy.I didn't get married so I could use condoms.Anyway,there was definitely some yelling and screaming that resulted from the conversation.For those of you who don't know my wife recently lost about 200 pounds.We have been trying some new things.Her mother is moving in in two days,which I'm afraid will mess with our sex life.And now this...It seems all these things are happening all around the same time...I'm not sure yet how long she's going to want me to use the condoms.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Aha. Now I understand the fascination with anal.

The only thing withdrawal is guaranteed good for is the 18 year effect it has on you bank account.

If you're not ready for kids, you need to do better than withdrawal. There are lots of alternatives to the pill, some for her, some for you, but you'll need to pick one unless you want a smaller, whinier version of you running around. Would you rather use a condom or raise a baby?

Until then, get used to condoms. They're your best friend. I'd go online and shop at a place like Condomania. They have dozens of brands, some that are "oversized" to allow you more enjoyment than you might think.


----------



## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

My H feels exactly the same as you. Actually we decided that I would use whatever form of birth control I decided was best for my body and he would get the vasectomy when we were done with kids.

However, there was a time where my doctor took me off if the pills due to concerns with my blood pressure, and until that was figured out we used condoms for about a month or two.

I think at this time you should calmly try to find out how long, and discuss other methods, but ultimately, you may have to accept using condoms for a while. I do think it's odd that you didn't find out until right before sex, but maybe she was afraid of your reaction


----------



## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

I've been using withdrawal for the last 8 years. 

No 18 year effect so far. 

But its not for everyone.

Isn't it more like a 25 year effect anyhow?


----------



## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Jack I said:


> It seems all these things are happening all around the same time...I'm not sure yet how long she's going to want me to use the condoms.


I'm worried its not coincidence....


----------



## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

east2west said:


> I've been using withdrawal for the last 8 years.
> 
> No 18 year effect so far.
> 
> ...


I can't understand why she won't just let me use the withdrawal method.It's an easy method....


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Jack I said:


> I can't understand why she won't just let me use the withdrawal method.It's an easy method....


C'mon, dude. If you can figure out how to post here you can figure out how to use google:

Withdrawal : American Pregnancy Association

Roll the dice. There's a one in five chance you'll be an expectant daddy by this time next year. Besides, given what I've gleaned so far, I'm not sure I'd trust you either.


----------



## amorous_1 (Nov 29, 2010)

The risk comes in if you screw up and don't get it out in time. All it takes is one f-up.


----------



## sweaty teddy (Nov 13, 2012)

just have her blow you problem solved!


----------



## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

I'm confused.

I thought it was "clearly your house and your rules..." ???


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Condoms were never an issue here. We used them for 10 years. It's a whole lot better then being on the pill which I think are not good for the body.

Withdrawal method is not a way to stop a pregnancy from happening.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Jack I said:


> I can't understand why she won't just let me use the withdrawal method.It's an easy method....


 Because she doesn't want to get pregnant. This method is not really 100% effective. My cousin and her hubby used this method for years and my cousin got pregnant, eventually.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

ladybird said:


> Because she doesn't want to get pregnant. This method is not really 100% effective. My cousin and her hubby used this method for years and my cousin got pregnant, eventually.


Yup. If you're statistically average, you have an 80% chance of NOT getting pregnant the first year. 64% the second. By year three, your odds have dropped to 50/50. By year 8, as a previous poster has managed, you're odds are about 5 out of 6 that you WILL have a pregnancy.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jack I said:


> I can't understand why she won't just let me use the withdrawal method.It's an easy method....


I have a couple of nephews who are the result of withdrawal.

Come to think of it, so was my first pregnancy.

Not affective at all as a birth control method.


----------



## Oldmatelot (Mar 28, 2011)

Lol. Your mil is moving in and your stuck with condoms. Your screwed  
Oh, maybe your not. 
Whatever the outcome. 
Good luck.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Riptide said:


> The risk comes in if you screw up and don't get it out in time. All it takes is one f-up.


Most guys do some leaking all through intercourse.. so the risk is from start to end.


----------



## tiredwife&sahm (Jan 4, 2012)

Gosh your reaction was so selfish. It is not like she made a choice to be off birth control. For medical reasons she had to be off birth control. Mind you she was on them for a reason, she is trying to prevent pregnancy and you shouldn't want to risk that because you don't want to wear condoms for awhile. 

*Do you know what you will be risking if she has a kid during your withdrawal method when she didn't want one?*

If that happened you could apologize about it all you want and she wouldn't forgive you. So don't risk it, wear the condoms until she finds an alternative method that makes her comfortable.


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

you're in a tough spot if you don't like condoms. my H HATES them. when he got his vasectomy, he had to ejaculate something like 20 times in 20 days or something like that. No problem, I thought. I got condoms. He wore it once and that's it. So I thought, I have to give him a BJ every day??? that's when I discovered that he must masturbate, because he said, "forget about it. i'll take care of it."

but since a V doesn't seem an option, since it sounds like you'll want kids, sounds like you have no choice, unless your wife has other options. I got headaches a lot from the pill. much better since I'm off it.

withdrawal is not an option unless you're totally irresponsible or if you don't care if your wife gets pregnant.


----------



## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> you're in a tough spot if you don't like condoms. my H HATES them. when he got his vasectomy, he had to ejaculate something like 20 times in 20 days or something like that. No problem, I thought. I got condoms. He wore it once and that's it. So I thought, I have to give him a BJ every day??? that's when I discovered that he must masturbate, because he said, "forget about it. i'll take care of it."
> 
> but since a V doesn't seem an option, since it sounds like you'll want kids, sounds like you have no choice, unless your wife has other options. I got headaches a lot from the pill. much better since I'm off it.
> 
> withdrawal is not an option unless you're totally irresponsible or if you don't care if your wife gets pregnant.


I'm just in a tough spot,as you said.And I don't believe I acted selfishly.No,we don't want a kid right now.But I believe the withdrawal method can be an effective method for preventing pregnancy if done right.What was irritating to me was the fact that she wasn't willing to listen to point of view and my take on withdrawal.


----------



## Trojan John (Sep 30, 2011)

I think you all can benefit from a little research on how ovulation works. There is a relatively short window in a woman's cycle in which she's fertile. Learn to track it and you'll be just fine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Jack I said:


> I'm just in a tough spot,as you said.And I don't believe I acted selfishly.No,we don't want a kid right now.But I believe the withdrawal method can be an effective method for preventing pregnancy if done right.What was irritating to me was the fact that she wasn't willing to listen to point of view and my take on withdrawal.


The problem is that your wife is right and you are wrong about the withdrawal method's effectiveness.

Have the two of you and her doctor discussed all alternatives for EFFECTIVE birth control?


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Jack I said:


> I'm just in a tough spot,as you said.And I don't believe I acted selfishly.No,we don't want a kid right now.But I believe the withdrawal method can be an effective method for preventing pregnancy if done right.What was irritating to me was the fact that she wasn't willing to listen to point of view and my take on withdrawal.


To be blunt, it doesn't matter what you think here. You're wrong.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Why did he take her off of it? Can't you use another barrier method? Did she have weight loss surgery?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Dude...are you for real? Or 15?

Withdrawl method? You can still impregnate her before you even get your release....it happens.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

My husband has never been a fan of condoms.. We have never used any form of birth control, but i know my body and my cycle, so that helps but it is never 100% foolproof. I am not all that fertile anyway (or my husband isn't)


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Jack - 

Neither of you are being reasonable at this point. Being right does not solve the problem. 

You and your wife are not discussing let alone considering empathetically each others position. 

Why not read up on birth control methods and calmly approach your wife? You should be open to really hearing her concerns and hopefully she will respond in kind. 

At any rate, I think that taking the concern from yourself and putting it were it should be - concern for you And your wife is the only way to solve this amicably. 

Birth control methods fact sheet | womenshealth.gov


----------



## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Jack I said:


> My wife recently visited her doctor.I won't get into the exact medical situation,but her doctor took her off of the pill.We were about to have sex and she told me I had to use a condom.There was a lot of back and forth,some arguing.I suggested that we just use withdrawal.She was saying that that wasn't a good method for preventing pregnancy.I didn't get married so I could use condoms.Anyway,there was definitely some yelling and screaming that resulted from the conversation.For those of you who don't know my wife recently lost about 200 pounds.We have been trying some new things.Her mother is moving in in two days,which I'm afraid will mess with our sex life.And now this...It seems all these things are happening all around the same time...I'm not sure yet how long she's going to want me to use the condoms.


I went about 6 years with condoms after my wife went off the pill - finally she let me withdraw after I asked for enough oral. I got to the point I couldn't even finish with condo a and asked her to finish off with oral. By that time she felt raw from 30 minutes of sex and hated hummers and so finally said just pull out. Mjnd you in ) years I have probably had sex about 30 times total anyway...sooner or later you are bound to become just a tool getting your money spent for you and made to feel like a horn dog for wanting sex at all. Good ones ahead!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

For a woman who doesn't want pregnancy, a trustworthy form of birth control is a must. Frankly, I wouldn't even trust condoms. When I had to come off the BC pill I had an IUD fitted AND used a diaphragm AND a spermicidal. I was probably a bit OT, but If you're serious about not wanting children at this stage, you have to be serious about BC.


----------



## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

KendalMintcake said:


> I went about 6 years with condoms after my wife went off the pill - finally she let me withdraw after I asked for enough oral. I got to the point I couldn't even finish with condo a and asked her to finish off with oral. By that time she felt raw from 30 minutes of sex and hated hummers and so finally said just pull out. Mjnd you in ) years I have probably had sex about 30 times total anyway...sooner or later you are bound to become just a tool getting your money spent for you and made to feel like a horn dog for wanting sex at all. Good ones ahead!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


6 years without condom-less sex...Don't know how you did it....It looks like my wife is on the verge of giving me an ultimatum.Condom sex or no sex...And she's still very upset with me over my reaction...


----------



## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

For the first several years of our marriage, my H and I practiced withdrawal combined with keeping track of my cycle. I had to stop birth control due to side effects. It worked for a while...but I did eventually get pregnant. I remembered the sexual encounter that resulted in my pregnancy. I know for a fact that my H did not even come close to ejaculating inside me. Sperm does exist in "pre-cum". I have a handsome and wonderful 14 year old son to prove it! DO NOT rely on withdrawal if you absolutely don't want a pregnancy to occur. Thankfully in my case, I was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant, even though it was an "accident".

Birth control is the responsibility of BOTH partners. She took birth control pills for a while. And now that it's your turn to step up to the plate, you throw a tantrum because you don't want to be inconvenienced by condoms. Your reaction seems a bit self-centered to me. However, I do agree that she should have talked to you about this right away when she stopped taking the pill, not wait until right before you were going to have sex. Both of you could've handled it better.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Most guys do some leaking all through intercourse.. so the risk is from start to end.


Make sure to pee between round one and round two if you go for two courses.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Cletus said:


> C'mon, dude. If you can figure out how to post here you can figure out how to use google:
> 
> Withdrawal : American Pregnancy Association
> 
> Roll the dice. There's a one in five chance you'll be an expectant daddy by this time next year. Besides, given what I've gleaned so far, I'm not sure I'd trust you either.


According to the same website, condoms have a 13% failure rate.

Not all that better than the 19% rate they claim for withdrawl.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> According to the same website, condoms have a 13% failure rate.
> 
> Not all that better than the 19% rate they claim for withdrawl.


Good point. But condoms, when used properly, have about the same failure rate as the pill. It's the properly part that gets you. I doubt withdrawal has a "proper use" scenario.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Jack I said:


> 6 years without condom-less sex...Don't know how you did it....It looks like my wife is on the verge of giving me an ultimatum.Condom sex or no sex...And she's still very upset with me over my reaction...


Cool off and take some time to become well versed in BC methods and failure rates. 

I don't think your wife meant what she said. She meant to push your button though and you went for it. 

You cant control what she says but you can control how you react. Stop being predictable, you might surprise yourself with a successful resolution

Acknowledging that she has valid concerns will get you points not lose any. 

When you can really see her point of view and you are not angry, then talk to her. Can you handle this like a man with a plan or a bull in a china shop? 

Which do you think will succeed?


----------



## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

Trojan John said:


> I think you all can benefit from a little research on how ovulation works. There is a relatively short window in a woman's cycle in which she's fertile. Learn to track it and you'll be just fine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Funny that no one has responded to this post.


----------



## Ina (Dec 3, 2012)

Trojan John said:


> I think you all can benefit from a little research on how ovulation works. There is a relatively short window in a woman's cycle in which she's fertile. Learn to track it and you'll be just fine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was conceived in the practice of the "rhythm method". But I would agree its much more effective than withdrawal. However, a woman's libido is usually at its peak when she is ovulating. So the sole use of this practice may not work for her. 

OP, I think your W may be upset for the same reason you are. You feel she is not even considering your solution, but are you considering hers? Compromise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Well if you wouldn't mind the probable pregnancy, then go for it. But you can't come back here saying "MY WIFE IS PREGNANT NOW!!!! WHY DID SHE DO THIS TO MEEEEEE?!?!!" 

So if the idea of a child is unappealing to you both right now, sorry charlie, but suck it up and wear a rubber for the time being.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Trojan John said:


> I think you all can benefit from a little research on how ovulation works. There is a relatively short window in a woman's cycle in which she's fertile. Learn to track it and you'll be just fine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


^^^^^^^
We have been doing this for 17 years and she never got pregnant.
Jack,
Once your wife's cycle is predictable and runs on time, the rhythmic method works.
A woman can only get pregnant during a very small window of approx 36 hours during her entire cycle.
That's why you have millions of sperm in one shot of semen .
Find out which it is and have sex on the other days.
I too, hate condoms.

Regarding the issue of a woman being more " horny" around her ovulation time, I have found that if a woman is having regular sex , she can be very horny at any time during her cycle, but she's having her sexual urges satisfied.

If she hasn't had sex for a while then that " horniness " peaks around ovulation.
Its like saying people get hungry around lunchtime.
But if you have been eating all morning, then lunchtime you are filled.


----------



## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

We gave up on condoms after the fifth or sixth time we had sex, the condom broke. I'm pretty sure if we kept using that method our lives would be quite different now. At least with withdrawal I can take responsibility for the outcome and not blame some sh!tty piece of latex for tearing open.


----------



## Revel (Mar 13, 2012)

Withdrawal is THEORETICALLY effective, when executed perfectly, assuming you are one of the guys who does leak any sperm into the precum. However, in real life, this method has a notoriously high failure rate. What makes you think that you're the exception? She has a valid reason to be concerned.

Look at condom use as a temporary solution until you find something else. An IUD, maybe?


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I would have been pissed too. I didn't get married to have sex with a bag. Not going to happen. That said, withdrawal is not birth control. But there are lots of different methods than the pill. Better start researching. 

For the record, I'm skeptical of this coincidence of mil moving in at the same time she springs this on you. She trying to kill sex.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

There are so many bc methods to use. Not only is withdrawal unreliable, it actually lessens the intimacy of climax in my experience when it continues over a period of time. I hated when we used it. Not to mention after a really good night spent drinking and screwing, we now have a five month old son who was not originally in the plan. Why not look into an IUD?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I haven't read anything on this thread, I'd recommend the copper IUD... if you already have kids, even more so. So long as you are monogamous, she is not allergic to copper... no uterus problems ... this, I feel , is the best thing on the market for married women. 

No hormones, no mess, no pills, can be put in 5 minutes tops in the Docs office and stay in for 12 long years. 

ParaGard® (intrauterine copper contraceptive)


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jack I said:


> I can't understand why she won't just let me use the withdrawal method.It's an easy method....


Jack, if you had PAID ATTENTION (assuming you went with her?) to the doctor, and nurse, and nutritionist when she went to counseling BEFORE she got her weight loss surgery, you would know that we ladies who have had weight loss surgery *have an increased probability of getting pregnant after having surgery!* She was told, and I would guess you glossed over this fact, that not one, but TWO methods of birth control are necessary now. At this point, be glad she is only asking you to use condoms! Withdrawal, rhythm method, and any others like it are *ineffective for her now.* If you don't want kids now, you NEED to use two forms now. C'mon now, you're smarter than this. Even if you DIDN'T go with her, pretty certain she told you about this. Hell, my husband and I used condoms and spermicides that first year. Then I started keeping track of my basal body temperatures when we wanted to have a baby. After our second child was born (had one before weight loss surgery), I went on progesterone only pills, and still kept track of my temps. We avoided the times I was ovulating until we were ready to have another one. But, I still conceived before we were really ready! After the last was born, I had my tubes tied. 

But my point is that you know damn well that you two are supposed to be using two forms of birth control. Don't play dumb here.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Why did he take her off of it? Can't you use another barrier method? Did she have weight loss surgery?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She did have weight loss surgery and honestly, the pill isn't AS effective with those of us who have had WLS. That's why we are told to use not one, but TWO methods of birth control to prevent pregnancy. And, that is even if using CONDOMS!


----------



## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Thoreau said:


> I'm confused.
> 
> I thought it was "clearly your house and your rules..." ???


It certainly is.But that doesn't mean my wife and I don't have disagreements.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Are you sure that you don't want to knock her up just to show who's really boss?

Or get her pregnant so she'll be fat again and learn to toe the line like she used to????


----------



## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Jack I said:


> It certainly is.But that doesn't mean my wife and I don't have disagreements.



Then put the rules on the fridge and get some anal and condom-less sex and say no to MIL.:smthumbup:

Or you can just Jack 1


----------



## farside (Oct 27, 2012)

There is another option called natural family planning which is advocated by the Catholic Church which is different than the "pull out method".

Natural Family Planning -- FamilyDoctor.org

It requires tremendous discipline which I am getting a vibe may be an issue for you and I have been told that the only way to approach it is to get specialized training/education.

My wife had similar issues with the pill so we moved to condoms (over the past three years). As a pretty devote Catholic I wanted to try natural family planning, but my wife was hesitant given various risk factors (NFP is really easy to screw up). She insisted condoms and I accepted it.

The thing you should know is that not all condoms are created equal. There are various brands and each brand has a variety of styles. My wife and I use Trojan Thintensity and it really feels like there's nothing there.

Based on what you have written here, I am not optimistic for you with all of this. It requires a significant amount of maturity and understanding and insisting on the "pull out method" which is effectively no protection at all is insane.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

WILL YOU PEOPLE LISTEN???
His wife needs, because of her weight loss surgery, not one, but TWO FORMS OF BIRTH CONTROL TO PREVENT PREGNANCY. NFP is OK, if used in conjunction with other forms as well. I am speaking from experience. We WLS ladies are more likely to become pregnant than "normal" people... providing there are ZERO underlying fertility problems.

SHE NEEDS TWO FORMS OF BIRTH CONTROL.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

NFP and pulling out. Problem solved. :rofl:


----------



## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Becoming obese and then having weight loss surgery causes a person to become MORE FERTILE than you would have been otherwise? Is that for real? I can understand that being obese is bad for your fertility and losing weight being good for it. But this is something else.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

east2west said:


> Becoming obese and then having weight loss surgery causes a person to become MORE FERTILE than you would have been otherwise? Is that for real? I can understand that being obese is bad for your fertility and losing weight being good for it. But this is something else.


Sigh... yes, e2w, you DO become more fertile when you take weight off. That is why the surgeons and OB/GYNs and even family practitioners tell the patient to use two RELIABLE birth control methods. Perhaps some have changed their tune since I had my kids and the ladies on a weight loss surgery forum were told the same thing. I do know that I wasn't ovulating before weight loss surgery, after my son was born... but I was after surgery. But hey, I can only speak from my own experience and from that of the ladies I know.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> NFP and pulling out. Problem solved. :rofl:


Ummm... no.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Jack I said:


> I'm just in a tough spot,as you said.And I don't believe I acted selfishly.No,we don't want a kid right now.But I believe the withdrawal method can be an effective method for preventing pregnancy if done right.What was irritating to me was the fact that she wasn't willing to listen to point of view and my take on withdrawal.


 If she knows exactly when she ovulates then it might work.. But she had to know her body and what about around the time she is ovulating, you won't wear a condom, so that means sex will be off the table up to 5 days before


----------



## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

I have an 11yo, 4yo, and 1yo thanks to the withdrawal method. Don't do it.


----------



## Hosieryishot (Sep 12, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Good point. But condoms, when used properly, have about the same failure rate as the pill. It's the properly part that gets you. I doubt withdrawal has a "proper use" scenario.


The withdrawal method does have a "proper use" scenario. The sperm in the precum stems from remaining sperm present in the urethra from previous sex or masturbation. As long as the male has urinated, after having an orgasm, the sperm will be flushed out and thus not present in the precum.

The proper use of withdrawal is to always withdraw before climax. And for me, that doesn't mean, 3ms before the end, but rather clearly before you are near orgasm. You have to finish yourself off in another way


When I was younger, my orgasms were nowhere near as predictable and could often come out of nowhere. But now that i am near 40, they never sneak up on me and take a lot longer to occur. 

This story explains basically what i have covered above. 
Health News & Articles | Healthy Living - ABC News
withdrawal-method-rivals-condoms-birth/story?id=7688558


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

why did the doctor take her off the pill? Marriage is meant for family. if you tie religion into it its another thing. I don't think you should use them either. that's just MY.....(ill say again)...MY opinion. You are married. You are both at another level of intimacy in your lives.


----------

