# he cheated- shes pregnant. now what?



## motherof4boys (May 9, 2012)

Okay so short start ot the story....we've been together for 6 years, we have had the perfect marriage until recently. At the beginning of april my husband had a one night stand with a girl from high school. I knew we had started having problems but no clue until he told me two weeks ago that she was pregnant. In the short time since then we have worked a lot on talking about our marriage, how to fix it and what to do to move on from this. We both agreed that we want to stay together and I really feel like he loves me he just made a mistake...that had another mistake added on to it. I can't forgive him for what he did but we're slowly mending. I've even come to accept the fact that if she is truly pregnant ( she's only 1 1/2 late, but claims she felt she knew she was before hand...still hasnt taken a test though) that he will have another baby that will be in our home. He tells me that his intentions are to move out long enough to have a safe enviroment for the baby to come home too and if I want him back he will come home...she's not a good mother type, last year she lost her 2 kids to the state because she was cooking meth with them in the house) so he says he is going to take the baby away from her. In some screwed up way i thought maybe this was a way for the baby that i've been wanting. 
Anyways, through all our troubles, he has been texting her everyday. He tells me that he wants to know the person he is having a child with and i understand that. but i dont understand why it has to be full conversations everyday. SHe tells him all the time how she misses him, etc and i don't like it. he told me today that he told her she wouldnt go through this alone and he feels like a jerk because thats what she is having to do. I know im coldhearted when it comes to her feelings but she got in bed with a married man, she had to of known the consequences. 
I'm so hurt in all of this that everytime i even think about it i throw up. I want nothing more than to fix my marriage...with or without an addition of another child into this home.
Am i wrong for wanting him to stop talking to her? My fear is that she has been acting so crazy with all of it that he will fall for her and leave me and our four children behind....i'm needing advice but can't tell a soul that I know about this....


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Consider the real possibility that she is possibly lying and also that it isn't his.

She doesn't sound like a real stable trustworthy person, so demand everything gets verified. If she's preggers, have her show a doctors proof. Then you'll nerd a DNA test on the kid before your husband should believe it's his.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## motherof4boys (May 9, 2012)

he has already told her he wants both of those. I even checked into prenatal dna tests but they are far to expensive. She hasnt even taken a home test because she doesnt have a job and cant afford one...i offered to buy it but i dont want him going over there to give it to her. she doesnt have the money to go to the doctor but i cant keep waiting to know for sure...this is killing me


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Not only what shaggy said but the first thing that went thru my mind is wth does he need to move out for the baby to come home? No you are not wrong to want him to stop talking to his ap that is actually what everyone on here recommends to do...he could totally be open and share the conversations with you or only do it with speaker phone, sorry my radar is something is way off with this situation.....1 why would your dh have an affair with someone on drugs, are you certain. He is not using? 2 I would want doctor proof I'd the pregnancy, 3 if he intends to take custody he doesn't need to maintain contact with her but shrt and cordial....I'm sorry you are going thru all this.....But no you are not wrong for wanting him to stop talking to her.... I would tell you what I would do is frienherat as much as it would suck I would make that woman a good friend, tell her since you are going to coparenting with her y'all should have coffee don't discuss affair stuff just get to know her let her do the talking,if she refuses major red flag, especially with hubby leaving for the baby arrival...get into some counseling you are in for a rough ride.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## motherof4boys (May 9, 2012)

He has drug history in the past but i know he is not anymore. He wasn't even aware of the situation with her using drugs until it was to late. He says he feels like he has to move out because he doesnt want people to thing i'm a fool for staying with him thru it. I honestly feel its no ones business but ours. I know we will get criticism but i also have my family to think about. right after he told me i told him i wanted to meet her, he tried to tell her that i wanted to and she got all irritated and said no. after that he told her to f off and didnt talk to her for several days until she started blowing up his phone. He is already planning on changing his number if we find out she isn't pregnant. 
I know that there is a chance that she isn't pregnant but we always joked that my husband has 'super sperm' because he could get me pregnant with one time while i was on birth control...now the jokes not so funny.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Do YOU want him to move out if said baby is born? And what if he does all that only to find out 6 weeks later it isn't his?
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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

You can get home pregnancy tests at the Dollar store. Buy one for her. Mail it to her along with a no contact letter from your husband saying he made poor choices and has decided to reconcile with his wife. NO CONTACT. If there is a pregnancy, and she names him the state will come looking for him and then he can have a dna test. If you truly want the child (if she isn't lying) then maybe put it in the letter that he plans on going for full custody. Really maybe you should see a lawyer. But...no more contact, or your marriage has no chance. Good luck!!

_-- Sent from my Palm Pixi using Forums_


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

I am so sorry you are here My heart goes out to you. With that said, I want you to put on your big girl pants and engage your brain:

There is no legitimate reason for your husband to have daily contact with his Meth head lover!!!!! There is also no legitimate reason for him to move out for the sake of the baby. This is absolute bullsh!t!!!! I fear you are being played in the worse way.

My recommendation for you is to tell your husband to choose: her or you. If he chooses you, no more daily calls, a pregnancy test to verify the OW is pregnant or there is absolutely no contact. If she is PG, than limited contact with you in the room to work on logistics if you choose to be in this baby's life.


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## Lost12 (May 6, 2012)

I think the way you are handling this is prudent. A one time mistake (if it was) is forgivable. You two can be the parents that baby deserves. With her history there is a good chance he can get custody. But you cannot let him move out. He is your husband. Do not let him leave. Make sure you can see what they are texting about. And get the paternity test.


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## Helpme1 (Apr 24, 2012)

Buy a preg test, BOTH of you take it over and have her use it then. I suspect she is lying and looking for support. Both emotional and monitary. WTH would he be with someone so unstable? You mentioned he had a drug problem in the past. Where is your guarentee that is hasnt resurfaced?

Goodluck


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Helpme1 said:


> Buy a preg test, BOTH of you take it over and have her use it then. I suspect she is lying and looking for support. Both emotional and monitary. WTH would he be with someone so unstable? You mentioned he had a drug problem in the past. Where is your guarentee that is hasnt resurfaced?
> 
> Goodluck


And very important, that she's not impacting the health of the baby...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## motherof4boys (May 9, 2012)

I know he has not started using drugas again because the woman he was with before me (the biological of our older children) ruined everything they had because of her addictions. He says he has to move out because he cant bring that baby home to our home, that he has no idea how to explain to our older children, etc. Today he told me though that he wants the baby to know who he is, know his voice. He didnt come out and say it but I fear he is going to want to spend time with her. 
I'm considering approaching her myself just to tell her obviously we are going to have to get to know eachother as well and although i don't expect us to be friends i want nothing more than to stay married to my husband and so I want to be on good terms with her. Is that ridiculous?? 
He says he doesnt understand how i could possibly stay with him after all of this. He says he can't ever forgive himself and he doesn't see how he could ever let me forgive him. 

Is he just trying to get out of this relationship?

~~So lost


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

His plan doesn't make any sense. He doesn't want to explain it to the current kids? So what is he going to do the next 18 years? Live in a cave with the baby??

If the she can't take care of the kid then maybe adoption is the right choice here? Bare in mind that if she's a druggie this kid is likely going to have some addiction issues when born, and issues growing up. Kids born to druggies often have serious development problems that need a ton of parental attention and effort to manage. Is he up for that ? Are you?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

motherof4boys said:


> He says he has to move out because he cant bring that baby home to our home, that he has no idea how to explain to our older children, etc.


Ummmm... like Shaggy said, how does he plan to keep it from them? Seriously, if this is all true, and the baby is his, etc., the kids will find out eventually. And they will wonder why dad isn't home anymore. They will wonder who this baby is after he/she is born, etc. His logic is VERY flawed. And as far as whether he wants out/doesn't understand how you would be able to forgive him... IDK, he may be looking for an out. I couldn't tell you one way or the other. But maybe you need to ask HIM that. Just tell him how this makes you feel, that you think he's looking for a way out. And, if that is the case, just say so instead of making up this stuff that doesn't make sense.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

IMO you both need to move away from this woman. NC period. If she is pregnant and the baby is his let her keep it. Pay child support and move on. I think it is complete lunacy to have any dealings with this woman. You don't want a meth baby, believe me. Your duty as a couple is to each other and do not allow a meth head junkie to dictate anything in your lives. You owe her nothing at this point, not a thing. I do not get the attachment to something that may not even exist and if there is a baby it may not be his and if it is his let the state prove it, pay support and move on. You are both flirting with diaster. This is my opinion but get the heck out of Dodge.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

He has zero business being in contact with her the way that he is. It is all an excuse to bond with her further.

First of all, she doesn't really fit the parameters of an ONS.
A true ONS is with a person who is more or less a stranger. A random hookup. This is someone he knew in high school. He has some level of a prior existing relationship with her, at least a friendship, if not more. Is she an ex-GF? My point is, he had some pre-existing emotional involvement with her and then he decided to have sex with her. He didn't meet her as if she was a stranger in a bar. (How is it that you are sure they only had sex once? Just wondering.)

His constant texting to her is more proof of this--his emotional attachment. If he didn't have much before they had sex (which I really doubt!) he is developing more and more feelings for her every day.

He is expressing an intimate form of caring for her at a difficult time--she is a damsel in distress--and this is a powerful recipe for falling in love. He shows he cares, he solves her problems, she provides the emotional reinforcement that he is a good person, and on it goes. If it isn't an EA already, it is on the verge.

He is basically developing a life apart from you, right before your eyes.

Like several others have said, it would not surprise me if:
--she is not pregnant, she is lying to entrap him and get him out of his marriage

--she is pregnant, but the baby isn't his.

But either way, she is using her pregnancy to get her hooks into him and he is actively enjoying that--don't let him fool you with any contradictory lies.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

That's a pretty big mistake. Not only did he sleep with her, he didn't use protection. I'd get yourself tested for STD's. My ex h was a cheater. I left after I had solid proof. His gf moved in 3 days later and he's cheated on her with 3 women that I know of, he married her too.

I'm very sorry this happened, but it seems like your rug sweeping this affair. I think it's inexcusable what he did. My current husband loves me and never cheated in the last 13 years. My ex did not love or respect me and cheated several times in the 2 years we were together.

There is no way I'd forgive my husband sleeping with a meth addict. I would question your husbands current usage, if he is. I can't put it in my head why he would talk to her in the first place. Men don't talk to women just to talk, they have a purpose/reason to talk.


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