# I like being a dude



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I like being a man. 

I like that I pee standing up. Hardly a day goes by that I don't revel in this simple pleasure.

I like that I get to open the stuck peanut butter jar.

I like that I don't have to cram my feet into shoes that no human should ever be expected to walk in.

I'm not really happy about losing my hair, but then I'm also not crushed by it.

I like that aside from the shower, it takes me all of about 2 minutes a day in the bathroom to get ready for work.

I like that if I'm bleeding, it's probably because I used my silly little reptilian brain to accidentally poke myself with something sharp.

I like that my 950 lb. motorcycle isn't too big and scary to drive. 

There's a lot to like about being a guy. Overall we're allright, when we're not being complete d*cks.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Cletus said:


> I like being a man.
> 
> I like that I pee standing up. Hardly a day goes by that I don't revel in this simple pleasure.
> 
> ...


Baldness being an acceptable look definitely rocks.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Fozzy said:


> Baldness being an acceptable look definitely rocks.


This dude agrees!


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I'm just jealous that I can't pee standing up lol. Where are the toilet seat warmers!!!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Women can pee standing up. Men just do it better.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

staarz21 said:


> I'm just jealous that I can't pee standing up lol. Where are the toilet seat warmers!!!


http://www.amazon.com/Go-Girl-Female-Urination-Lavender/dp/B003BEDUS6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1438973123&sr=8-1&keywords=women+pee+standing+up

There you go. Your man-card will be arriving in the mail shortly.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

not only can we pee standing up, we can write our name in the snow while doing it!


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## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

staarz21 said:


> I'm just jealous that *I can't pee standing up* lol. Where are the toilet seat warmers!!!


I've done it in the shower and I don't care who knows.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Cletus said:


> http://www.amazon.com/Go-Girl-Female-Urination-Lavender/dp/B003BEDUS6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1438973123&sr=8-1&keywords=women+pee+standing+up
> 
> There you go. Your man-card will be arriving in the mail shortly.


Lol! That's awesome! I am thinking about getting one and peeing with the door open to try and creep H out. I need to get him back for a firework prank he played on me. 

Oh the comments are hilarious!



> Amazon user:
> 
> I peed everywhere. That bush? Yep. Peed on it! That tree? Uh huh. Peed on it. Those tiny woodland creatures? Screw you, b*tches! Peed on them. I peed in the sun. I peed in the rain. I peed just for fun. I peed down a drain. I peed in the light. I peed in the dark. I peed left and right. I peed in the park


:grin2:


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

We never have to freak out about what to wear for formal occasions! Performing a violin solo on stage, getting married, or going to a formal dance, the same tuxedo will always do!





















I had so many choir performances in college that I got to where I could roll my tux into my backpack, so there was basically nothing extra to carry around during classes. Got married in the same tux! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I like that I have sons so when they have to pee I can send them to the bushes and it's quick.

I don't stuff my feet into shoes that aren't comfortable. If I'm not stylish so be it. 

The big motorcycle doesn't bother, I'm ex army. 

Peeing standing up would be nice though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Cletus said:


> http://www.amazon.com/Go-Girl-Female-Urination-Lavender/dp/B003BEDUS6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1438973123&sr=8-1&keywords=women+pee+standing+up
> 
> There you go. Your man-card will be arriving in the mail shortly.


Needs an adjustable nozzle for better aim control.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Cletus said:


> I like being a man.
> 
> I like that I pee standing up. Hardly a day goes by that I don't revel in this simple pleasure.
> 
> ...


I agree, overall men are all right. Some of my favorite people are men! But personally, I wouldn't want to be a man. There is a lot of stuff that men have to deal with, things I wouldn't want to have to deal with. That, and I like being a lady. I like that I get to be girly. (And hopefully, one day, I will find a manly man who truly appreciates and compliments my girly girl.) 

Sometimes, when I get frustrated, I think, why do I want one of these? But then I remember... it's because I love men.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Needs an adjustable nozzle for better aim control.


Wait - your d*ck has an adjustable nozzle?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

180 degree front facing telescoping technology.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

staarz21 said:


> I'm just jealous that I can't pee standing up lol. Where are the toilet seat warmers!!!


*Sure, you can, Staarz! All that you really have to do is to insure that the toilet bowl is just a little larger and that the seat is in the "up" position!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *Sure, you can, Staarz! All that you really have to do is to insure that the toilet bowl is just a little larger and that the seat is in the "up" position!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ah don't tempt me! I have 3 boys and 1 grown man who all seem to think the bowl is still too small anyway!! >


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

....OK us guys can pee standing up, but we also have to console our young children after they get fussed at by their mom and sister for getting pee everywhere...











_"Don't worry son, your dad can't aim either! When I pull the trigger, I honestly have no idea where it will go. The trick is you have to be ready to react fast once you see where it is going, and keep in mind sometimes it can shoot in more than one direction. Don't feel bad!"_


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

badsanta said:


> ....OK us guys can pee standing up, but we also have to console our young children after they get fussed at by their mom and sister for getting pee everywhere...


Wait a minute - I thought only imperial storm troopers were so precise. So it's all a myth? Next you're going to tell me that Wookies don't rip your arms off when they lose.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

cletus said:


> wait a minute - i thought only imperial storm troopers were so precise. So it's all a myth? Next you're going to tell me that wookies don't rip your arms off when they lose.


thread jack!!!!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> thread jack!!!!


Hey, I started the thread, and I'll jack it anywhere I like.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Cletus said:


> I'll jack it anywhere I like.


That's kinda creepy dude!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Amplexor said:


> thread jack!!!!


Hey Amplexor,


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Thought of a new item to add to the list.

I like being a dude when engaging in abjectly sophomoric behavior in an online forum.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I like being not just a dude, but a random dude!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

somethingsomething extended adolescence, somethingsomething America's doomed...


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> That, and I like being a lady. I like that I get to be girly.


I think being multi-orgasmic trumps being able to write your name in the snow when you pee.

I have no interest in converting to an innie, though. :grin2:


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Constable Odo said:


> I think being multi-orgasmic trumps being able to write your name in the snow when you pee.
> 
> I have no interest in converting to an innie, though. :grin2:


Yeah, that part IS pretty cool!

I will keep my innie, thank you


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

At least some women can definitely pee standing up and I mean forward stream. I've seen it.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Thundarr said:


> At least some women can definitely pee standing up and I mean forward stream. I've seen it.



I've seen it myself. I was in an all male dorm and one dud's GF would pee in the urinal. She wasn't shy and I was able to see it was all girl equipment she was working with.

How to Urinate Standing Up as a Female: 7 Steps (with Pictures)


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Hey, I started the thread, and I'll jack it anywhere I like.


*Please, Clete! Not out in public ~ I don't want to have to be the one to come up there to bail your sorry a$$ out of the Graybar Hilton!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> At least some women can definitely pee standing up and I mean forward stream. I've seen it.


*Now that's something that I think I can definitely live without laying witness to!

After all, if she heard me laughing, she might get mad and whip my a$$!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Now that's something that I think I can definitely live without laying witness to!
> 
> After all, if she heard me laughing, she might get mad and whip my a$$!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


lol. Na this was petite and pretty girl. A bit crude but not manly.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Yes it is quite awesome that the world is my toilet. 
It's also great that I can stand with a beer and throughly enjoy a conversation with my neighbor about the tooth count on the blade of my chop saw. 
I like the slightly giddy feeling I get when I walk through the power tool section at Lowes. 
So yeah, I like being a guy too.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

Tim Allen's Home Improvement grunts:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQwYNca4iog


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Years ago a local radio station would play this song every Friday morning. I loved it.

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN


Every day I give thanks to God,
I was born a man, instead of a broad.
When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV,
I don't shave my legs, I stand when I pee.
I go to a barber, not a salon,
Don't pluck out my eyebrows, just to draw them back on.
Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts,
I can use my turn signal, I understand sports.

Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man,
Tell you the reason I am.
I don't go through a phase, every 28 days,
Man, I'm glad I'm a man.

I pay cash at the grocery, not checks or coupons,
Don't take a lot of friends when I go to the john.
I don't throw a fit when I break a nail,
I don't buy a lot of shoes just because they're on sale.
I don't apply make-up in my rear-view mirror,
I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer.
I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass,
I don't ask my friends about the size of my arse.

Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man.
Tell you the reason I am.
I don't face the pain of water-weight gain,
Man, I'm glad I'm a man.

Let me tell you ladies,
Listen to me ladies.
I love your pretty faces,
Your warm and soft embraces.
I love those things inside your blouse,
But if I had my own boobs, 
I'd never leave my house.
I don't spend 2 hours getting ready for a date,
I don't play with dolls unless they inflate.
When someone asks me my age, I never lie,
After sex in bed, my spot's always dry.
I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines,
I don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeans.
I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie,
This is the same underwear I wore yesterday.

Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man. 
Tell you the reason I am,
I don't take the Pill, I don't use Messingill.
Man, I'm glad I'm a man.

Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man.
Tell you the reason I am.
I find Michael Bolton, completely revoltin',
Man, I'm glad I'm a man.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I typically get woken up around 2-3am every morning from my old/senile dog barking to go to the bathroom. I take her out back, and while she does her thing I water the bushes, saves me a trip to the bathroom :grin2: Yup, I like being a dude!


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

At 50, I'm the senile one who gets up at 2-3am to pee, so I let the dog out. Kills two birds w/ one stone.


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