# Question about exposing affair to OM/OW's spouse



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I see a lot of advice from people to people who have found out their spouse is having an affair, suggesting that they find out who the OM/OW's spouse is and confront him/her with their suspicions/findings.

I was wondering if anyone here had this happen to them, where someone elses spouse came to you and told you about the affair that your wife/husband was having.

Firstly, was it true. Secondly, how did you handle it, and what recommendations would you make for how to break the news so that it doesn't overwhelm the other person, or make them want to turn a blind eye and refuse to consider you could be telling the truth.


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## dusty4 (May 8, 2013)

In my case the wife of my xW's OM thought about telling me so many times, but she didn't have iron clad proof. She said if she had known, she would have definitely had called me.

BS's deserve to know the truth about to whom they are married. Sometimes I think more selfish than the act of cheating itself is the denial of the BS's right to make decisions about their life.

If I had known what was going on, and there was the OM's unsuspecting wife in the picture, I'd have not thought twice about telling her. I'd be calling her up toot sweet.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I see a lot of advice from people to people who have found out their spouse is having an affair, suggesting that they find out who the OM/OW's spouse is and confront him/her with their suspicions/findings.
> 
> I was wondering if anyone here had this happen to them, where someone elses spouse came to you and told you about the affair that your wife/husband was having.
> 
> Firstly, was it true. Secondly, how did you handle it, and what recommendations would you make for how to break the news so that it doesn't overwhelm the other person, or make them want to turn a blind eye and refuse to consider you could be telling the truth.


I told MOW's BH. But I also had evidence to back it up via email. I texted him after finding his cell, mind you I had already contacted his WW prior (twice in fact). I ask for his email address and sent him a timeline that I pieced together along with all the email (videos and pics included). We talk about every 3 months. He handled it very well, including talking with my FWH. ALWAYS EXPOSE TO THE OTHER SPOUSE. Two sets of eyes are better than one.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

There's no way to avoid blindsiding them.

Best way would simply to have the hardest most objective possible evidence to support your claim.
Makes it difficult for them to curl up in denial.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I exposed the A in 2011 to the OMW, his boss, his pastor. They went for marriage counseling. The OM and my wife took the A further underground.

Weeks ago I exposed it to the OMW and she said my wife was lying. Dumb me gave her and his pastor the wrong dates of my wife and the OM hooking up and the OM was able to prove he was at work. The following day I called the OM's boss, his pastor and the OM telling them all, if the OM does not confess to his wife everything about the A and if the OM did not call me between 5 and 7 P.M. it would get ugly that night. As I was getting in my truck around 7 P.M. to head to the OM's house my cell phone rang and it was the OM saying, "Mac, I am sorry:. I got everything I needed from the OM. He asked me for help in getting his wife back (she left him) and I counseled him for several days and then ended contact with him. I have yet to hear from the OMW, I offered to meet with her. 

When the OMW did not believe me, my wife started throwing up evidence to prove it. I did not have to present anything as the OMW told me never to contact her again. That is why I did the threat to the OM the next day.


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## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

Read this:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/75346-my-marriage-went-down-drain-6-hours.html


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## WondedHeart (May 15, 2013)

I have found myself in the delima of when to contact the OMW. My WW confessed yesterday of the A. I knew prior that something was happening and have been gathering evidence. I have asked her to stop the A to which she has agreed. She does not know what she wants right now. I found out this morning that she is still in contact with him. I am an emotional wreck inside. I am meeting with a counselor this afternoon and will be looking for guidence on how to handle this situation, letting the OMW know as she is expecting twins.

We both realized that we both failed in our marriage. We never did talk about what a marriage means to each other. I do have two addorable children (2 & 4) that I am concerned the implications of D. Not sure where to go from here.

I have decided to fight for her....but she needs to stop for us to take the next step.


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## WondedHeart (May 15, 2013)

I should also note that the OMW is/was already suspicious. I am concerned about letting OMW know with the pregnancy.


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## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

WondedHeart said:


> I should also note that the OMW is/was already suspicious. I am concerned about letting OMW know with the pregnancy.


There are very few things to which a person is entitled simply by virtue of their existence on this earth. One of those is *TRUTH*!

Every person, short, tall, young, old, black, brown, good, bad, sterile or* pregnant*, is entitled to the truth about their lives.

Those who willfully withhold that truth for their own gain or purposes are *EVIL*!

Effing evil . . .


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Please tell her immediately. It is the best thing for the OMW and the best thing for you. Blowing up the affair may get you wife to Know what she wants to do because the fantasy of the affair will be destroyed. To quote Niki,

Just do it.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

JustGrinding said:


> There are very few things to which a person is entitled simply by virtue of their existence on this earth. One of those is *TRUTH*!
> 
> Every person, short, tall, young, old, black, brown, good, bad, sterile or* pregnant*, is entitled to the truth about their lives.
> 
> ...


I can't think of anything anyone is "entitled" to.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

WondedHeart said:


> I have found myself in the delima of when to contact the OMW. My WW confessed yesterday of the A. I knew prior that something was happening and have been gathering evidence. I have asked her to stop the A to which she has agreed. She does not know what she wants right now. I found out this morning that she is still in contact with him. I am an emotional wreck inside. I am meeting with a counselor this afternoon and will be looking for guidence on how to handle this situation, letting the OMW know as she is expecting twins.
> 
> We both realized that we both failed in our marriage. We never did talk about what a marriage means to each other. I do have two addorable children (2 & 4) that I am concerned the implications of D. Not sure where to go from here.
> 
> I have decided to fight for her....but she needs to stop for us to take the next step.


WondedHeart,

Why don't you start your own thread and go into some detail about what happened. You'll get more responses.


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## WondedHeart (May 15, 2013)

I did talk to the OHW. She was so appreciative that we spoke. She now has an understanding of what is happing between them as the OH has been lying to her. Thanks for the advise.


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