# caught my husband one night stand andi idk what to do now!



## nyla (May 10, 2019)

hi, so my name's nyla and i am not sure if i am posting at the right space but. Anyways.

i have been married for a year now. and my husband is a cabin crew and he flies all the time, of course. And throughout our time together, i have never once doubted his actions or felt any insecurity despite his job that requires long layover and etc. He's always constantly texting me, updating me where he is at, or what he is doing, and when he touch down, i will pick him up and when he go off, i will be sending him to the airport. and when hes in the hotel overseas, we will constantly text hence no assumptions of him cheating or anything like that because we are always in touch.

At home, we are always in each other's arms. We are loving, he treats me well. He cook and he cleans because i am on an office hour job so when it is his off day, he will look after our home. Our family loves each other and we have a very strong bond with each other's family. Everything is perfect with him except our sex life, he is dependant on pills because of his low T condition. and despite feeling sexual frustrated sometimes, (because my sex drive is high) i still accepted us and take what i can get. when he's in the mood, we'll do it and if not, i'll just wait til the next one. you know.

so, having said that hes a loving husband - who suffers this condition. you bet infidelity is the last thing i expect for us to face with after being married for ONLY A YEAR. How i found out was funny. The day before at work, i was bored and was google-ing about women who goes through their husband who cheats. And i was literally sharing the articles with him and talking bout it, wondering how do these couple get through them. and he was being responsive to it and agreed with all i had to say on it. and then one of the article said, this particular woman found out her husband cheated through his phone gallery. which never occured to me ! i am always checking for text messages / social media messages but never a camera gallery.

so here's where **** hits the fan. one day, i was in our room and his phone was there. and i figured, haha lets do this. lets see if theres anything on his gallery because i was confident i will find nothing so i went through with it. 

to my horror, i saw a picture of him grabbing a girl's breast and the other side of the bed was a used condom on it.
i look at the photo details - it showed 5th April/ MANILA. I checked his roster, and i broke down when I saw he was really in MANILA on that day! hence no way tht photo was an old photo or etc because all the date and place match! I confronted him, and he denied it. until 2 days ago he admit it. and he's been very very very, i mean, very remorseful. He is crying every hour and begging me every minute to take him back. He even take off days from work to sit with me at home just so my mind wont wander off and so that he can be with me if i ever think about it and needed to lash out on him or needing his comfort.

i have been trying very hard to get over it. but what hurts me most was, when i saw the time of that photo was taken. it was right after he texted me good morning, how could he do that? how could he text his wife good morning, have a decent conversation with his wife before going back to ****ing the girl beside him? how could he exited our window conversation and open his camera to take her naked pictures of him grabbing her? didnt he think for me once atleast? i mean he was literally texting me and doing her at once. It made me sick. he told me its because he was drunk. but who is still drunk until morning hours? and for the fact that he could text me and update me (his grandmother was in a hospital and in a very critical condition) wouldnt tht showed he had sober up? to know whats happening? to text me about it? 

anyway the best part of all these story is, his grandmother died on that same day. So his remorse was sky high. he was so guilty of ****ing the girl on that day, and losing his grandma on the same day. and he had hide it from me for a month, thinking he can take the secret to grave. but i found out. and now i dont know what to do.

do we divorce? do i give him a chance since he is crying and begging to me every hour?
i just cant seem to get over the fact tht how could he be talking to me when the girl is right there lying naked beside him? i feel so awful. i feel horribly betrayed. please help. how do i go through with this. and at this moment, im not sure if thts even the first cheat since hes always flying all the time. i am so sad because i had to WAIT for sex at home, i even cried about our sex a number of time because i was so frustrated with how deprived we are. and yet there he was, having a one night stand when he couldnt even get hard at home for me without taking pills.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Before you consider giving him another chance he needs a career change. How can you ever trust him again if he continues traveling.


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## nyla (May 10, 2019)

hi Andy, but to me if its in them to cheat, even in their home country they can still cheat right?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Nyla, how horrible for you.

MY thoughts are this. 

1) its unlikely that this is the only time he had cheated. It would be weird if the one time you saw the pic was the only time he cheated.
Suggest that he takes a lie detector test as you are sure its happened more times. See what his reaction is. 

2)Airline cabin crew have a terrible reputation for sleeping around. 

3) you have only been married for only a year, you are ready and willing to have sex whenever he wants it, and yet he still cheats. 
I am afraid you have married a man with no integrity, no moral values and no character. At least you have found out now and not further down the line and with children to think of. 

He isn't sorry, he is sorry he got caught. He wasnt sorry when he had sex with that person. He didn't tell you, you had to find out. He is a liar, don't believe a word he says. 

I think you would be crazy to stay with such a man.


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

I agree with Diana. He’s not sorry. He’s sorry he got caught. I’m also very suspicious that this is probably not the first time. I’m really sorry this happened.
PLEASE get tested for STDs immediately. Check out the Coping with Infidelity section. There is lots of good advice there.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

What you said here 'He even take off days from work to sit with me at home just so my mind wont wander off and so that he can be with me if i ever think about it and needed to lash out on him or needing his comfort.'

He isn't giving you time to think or breathe. He is smothering you. If I were you I would ask him to leave for a time(maybe a month or so), so that you can decide what your next step is. If he refuses then is there somewhere you can go for a while? You need space. 
Also ask him not to contact you, the last thing you need are his manipulation and false tears.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Welcome to TAM. So sorry for the reason you are here.

How old are the two of you? How long total have you been together? Any kids involved?

I agree a job change would be very important for there to even be a chance to reconcile. 

Since he didn’t have a ONS, then feel TERRIBLE and come home and confess, this situation is even worse. He would have continued to hide this from you, and who knows how many others also. So you have to decide if you want to forgive _adultry and deceit. _

If this has been his career a long time, this probably also has been what he does with his down time. I would definitely ask him to do a polygraph so you can see if he is telling the truth about the things that concern you most. 

Personally, I would divorce him and not look back.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

He is already cheating a year into your marriage... less actually. Cut and run girl, and be glad that it happened so soon, before you got a decade or more into it. His remorse is fake, he is only sorry he got caught, dont let him suck you into staying.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Dear OP
Its really up to you what you decide to do. It is likely that he has done this before and likely he will do it again. Your choice if you can be happy in a marriage that way. Some people can - don't do what you think you *should* do, do what will make you happy. 

I would recommend against assuming he will really stop doing this. He may even honestly think he will stop, but I doubt he will. This was not some special only-happens-once situation, it is a situation he will constantly encounter.


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## Cat Lady (May 7, 2019)

3Xnocharm said:


> He is already cheating a year into your marriage... less actually. Cut and run girl, and be glad that it happened so soon, before you got a decade or more into it. His remorse is fake, he is only sorry he got caught, dont let him suck you into staying.


This.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I doubt a job change will help. Someone who wants to cheat will find a way to do so. Some jobs just make it easier to do so more frequently.






Spicy said:


> Welcome to TAM. So sorry for the reason you are here.
> 
> How old are the two of you? How long total have you been together? Any kids involved?
> 
> ...


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Sorry no other way to put this.

You are the family he has at home.
The wife the house the stability.
When he is away he cheats. Probably 
has done it several times. Just got caught
this time and will do it again. One year and 
he got caught. You and him are still newlyweds 

Divorce him, I normally tell people to make their
own choice. You deserve better than him. He will 
not find someone as good as you.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

uhtred said:


> I doubt a job change will help. Someone who wants to cheat will find a way to do so. Some jobs just make it easier to do so more frequently.


I doubt anything besides divorce will help.


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## married4real (May 9, 2019)

Men cheat. It's their biological nature. They just don't understand that women rule this world. But for now....do what you want. Make sure you make decisions for you not for him but you.


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## SecondWind (May 10, 2019)

Think about this. You've only been married one year and are supposedly still in the honeymoon stage, and he has already cheated. He has probably done it many times with the woman in the picture or with multiple women. You don't have children with him do you? Set yourself free from this philanderer before you are bound to him for life by a child.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

nyla said:


> hi, so my name's nyla and i am not sure if i am posting at the right space but. Anyways.
> 
> i have been married for a year now. and my husband is a cabin crew and he flies all the time, of course. And throughout our time together, i have never once doubted his actions or felt any insecurity despite his job that requires long layover and etc. He's always constantly texting me, updating me where he is at, or what he is doing, and when he touch down, i will pick him up and when he go off, i will be sending him to the airport. and when hes in the hotel overseas, we will constantly text hence no assumptions of him cheating or anything like that because we are always in touch.
> 
> ...


Taking time off work to be with you now? I find this activity to be suspicious .. like he is trying to insure that your mind does not go to the divorce thoughts.

Still drunk? Hum, sounds like he is admitting that he can't be trusted when he drinks. 

He had to hide it for a month? He seems like he is pretty good at hiding it. He can even text you and cheat on you in the same hour. That means he is pretty darn good at it. Which makes me think that the title "one night stand" may not be completely accurate, it could be several one night stands, or some relationship that is more than casual.

And you had to WAIT for sex? You are newlyweds! This alone is sad.

I think you need to get away from things for a few days to objectively look at this. 

Has he given you more information. Such as who she was, does she work for the airline too? Where they met? Did he just go to a bar and pick her up? Has he done this before? Before you were married? Done it since the photo was taken? Did he take the photo for himself, or did he send it to somebody .. perhaps her?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

nyla said:


> hi Andy, but to me if its in them to cheat, even in their home country they can still cheat right?


I couldn't agree more.

RESTRICTING his opportunities to cheat by making him take a job that doesn't include travel ISN'T the answer and solves nothing. All you're doing is trying to leash your dog in that scenario.

He's *still* going to cheat and will just find another way to do it, is all.

OP, I'd be so done with this ass-wipe. If you think for ONE minute this is the *first* time he's done this behind your back, you'd be very, very mistaken. It's just the first time you CAUGHT him doing it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Well, at least he won’t put his cheating lovers pictures in his phone anymore!!!!!! Worst honeymoon year ever. If he loved you, he would be taking cares of you so often you couldn’t walk straight. Instead he takes care of other women. If you think this is the only time, you’re being silly.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

married4real said:


> Men cheat. It's their biological nature. They just don't understand that women rule this world. But for now....do what you want. Make sure you make decisions for you not for him but you.


Some men cheat. Some women cheat.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@nyla So sorry you were in the circumstances where you had to seek TAM out, but I am glad you are here.

I have moved your thread to the Coping With Infidelity section of TAM, where you will receive the help and advice you need.

Most people in CWI have been where you are, so you are amongst friends.

Are you religious? If so, a priest or pastor might be able to help. Couple's counselling might be of benefit, too.

One thing that does concern me is that he strayed so soon after your married. Which isn't good, to be honest.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Regret that he got caught, absolutely, but remorse is another story. Cheaters very often want to stay married and have fun on the side. He's starting earlier than most so the odds that he will change and be faithful when boredom really sets in are not good.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sorry Nyla,

But this guy probably was always getting laid when he is flying. That will be something he will continue to do. He just wants a wife and the family thing but play on the side. You cannot tame such a man and tbh if he is doing this in the first year of your marriage, he will not stop. He will beg, plead, do everything but when your marriage becomes tougher, you have kids, etc, he will be bored and will do this again. He cannot have sex with you but no problem doing it elsewhere, a major red flag there.
I think you have to cut your losses now and divorce him, it is difficult for a man to change his character and your WH has a ****ty one.
BTW how old are you both? You sound young, you can still be very happy with a decent man. Your WH is not decent.

I suggest you

1. tell both families and friends, before he starts blaming you
2. Go see a lawyer and see what your options are, I suggest you file for divorce, marriage is tough enough without having to deal with this when you should be in the honeymoon stage and making love like rabbits (big red flag)
3. ask him to move out
4. get some counselling for yourself
5. I am sorry but this man will not make you happy, get rid of him and move on


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I would say divorce your husband. 

He can’t even take care of your needs and he is off ****ing another woman!!!

BS on his condition that keeps him from being sexual with you. 

Find someone that truly loves you and won’t cheat. 

He can never prove that he isn’t with the job he has.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

married4real said:


> Men cheat. It's their biological nature. They just don't understand that women rule this world. But for now....do what you want. Make sure you make decisions for you not for him but you.


Low expectations yield low return.


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## greg28 (Jun 26, 2018)

You should at least give him another shot. He needs your help he’s probably just depressed about his bedroom issues. Guys can get a little side action when their depressed it’s perfctly normal. He sounds like a nice guy though. Why were you spying on him?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

greg28 said:


> You should at least give him another shot. He needs your help he’s probably just depressed about his bedroom issues. Guys can get a little side action when their depressed it’s perfctly normal. He sounds like a nice guy though. Why were you spying on him?




I hope this is a joke. Are you her husband??


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

greg28 said:


> You should at least give him another shot. He needs your help he’s probably just depressed about his bedroom issues. Guys can get a little side action when their depressed it’s perfctly normal. He sounds like a nice guy though. Why were you spying on him?


You got to be kidding me? 'Perfectly normal." So when you give the stink eye to your wife for burning your food, it's perfectly normal if she go elsewhere (another man) to get appreciated.

Oops the teenagers must be on spring break again.


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## married4real (May 9, 2019)

Mr. Nail said:


> married4real said:
> 
> 
> > Men cheat. It's their biological nature. They just don't understand that women rule this world. But for now....do what you want. Make sure you make decisions for you not for him but you.
> ...


. Men cheat.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

married4real said:


> . Men cheat.


If you answered already, I missed it. What do you hope to achieve from this board? Knowing that would help with your replied. Thakns.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

. I'm sorry that I have distracted this thread by addressing the questions of one poster on another posters thread. Thus starting a threadjack.


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