# Black outs



## Riven

If anyone on here is an alcoholic I'd love some input on black outs. What are they like? What are some things you've done during one? Etc. 

My husband would take two sleeping pills and drink up to a 12 pk a night while at work. He never drank at home really though... he's work 8 days on, 6 days off.

Long story short, apparently he took a girl to the hotel from the bar, he doesn't remember having sex with her, but thinks he did... either way she was there and naked in the morning. He thinks he woke up with his boxers on... 

I'm just trying to understand, not justify or make anyone feel bad...


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## DanF

I am a pretty heavy drinker.
I have lost "moments", but usually about what time I went to bed, where that mystery bruise came from, etc.
I have never blacked for long enough to take a chick to a motel. In order for that to happen, he would have had to keep drinking the whole time he was with her.


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## Riven

He remember her going to the hotel with him, he remembers talking to me on the phone ( while she was there... at 130 in the morning... ) he remembers laying down on the bed and he says that's all he remembers other than waking up next to the sound of a pig snoring... 

I know before he went to the bar at 730, he had taken two sleeping pills and 4 beers, he drank for free because he knew the bartender and they split a pizza he paid for, from then until 1230 his time ( 130 mine) when he went back to the hotel with the *****. He said he doesn't remember kissing or touching her, or her kissing or touching him. But thinks he did sleep with her. Everything I've gotten out of it is a jumbled mess and the MC said he needs to stop telling me stuff because he can't remember and is just trying to find answers to try to make me happy... I don't drink. I can't understand at all. If you're so drunk to black out how do you even get an erection?

I'm sorry, this isn't supposed to be a rant... I really would like some input from others... I'm just frustrated with this answer.


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## Cherry

That doesn't sound like a black out to me... It sounds like an outright lie if he remembers everything up to that point. My blackouts weren't as dramatic as some though, I would blackout sporadically, and not remember bits of events.

Can I ask what difference it makes if he blacked out or not, he took another woman to his hotel room... That'd be enough betrayal for me, just my opinion though.. I do not know your whole story.


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## Riven

I doesn't make a difference. I'm just trying to understand. He doesn't remember everything, just somethings. He doesn't remember conversations, he doesn't remember times, he doesn't remember what he was drinking ( beer, but not what kind, etc) 

This isn't about justifying it, it's about me trying to understand a black out, what it is, and how it happens, what other people have done during one, etc. 

I'm a medical student, I understand the "technical side" of it, but I drink maybe once a year, so I don't have insight to the personal experiences of it.


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## Runs like Dog

Sleeping Pills...Ambien can do that.


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## Riven

He took two OTC sleeping pills.


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## CallaLily

What are your plans? What are your husbands plans? 

Even though you are trying to understand all of this, are there any plans of him seeking some kind of help? Was this a one time thing? Or does he have a actual drinking problem? If he has a drinking problem he needs to seek some counseling and some help from AA, and you should check out your local Alanon meetings in your area.


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## tacoma

When I was twenty I remember downing a Russian Qualude at the bar.

The next thing I recall is waking up across town hog tied in the back off a cop car 2 hours later.

I have zero recollection of anything happening in that 2 hour time span

That's a black out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Riven

Our plans are to repair our marriage. 

This is a problem he's had since before I even met him. He's even admitted to me that he's tried to hide it from me as much as possible. He's now been drink free for almost 9 weeks! He had a deal about two years ago where he got drink and flooded half a floor of a 5 star hotel because he passed out in the shower, a year an a half ago he got a DUI, he vaguely remembers driving, his foreman of all people told him to, he remembers the cops pulling him over, he doesn't remember being booked in or anything else other than waking up in detox cell.... I've tried to get him to get help before, he'll even tell me that he wished he would've listened, but we both know it was a decision he had to make.

He's receiving outpatient treatment. And has attended some AA meetings. The biggest thing he's accomplished, other than the not drinking obviously, is he's actually admitted he has a problem. Even right after it happened he didn't think it was a "problem". He has an addictive personality, he used to smoke and quit years ago. Since he's stopped drinking he's had more problems with wanting to smoke again than drinking. He has triggers, we try to avoid him. For example he doesn't go do the dairy isle with me at the store because the other side is alcohol. I understand why it's hard to admit it's a problem, our society has made it "okay". No other addiction is so enabled, there are bars everywhere, towns of 300 people will have 2-3 bars in them...

I have been to AlAnon and have made contacts there.


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## MrsOldNews

My best friend in Highschool drank so much she blacked out and woke up loosing her virginity to some a$$hole at the campground we were staying at. you'd better believe she wouldn't have done a thing with him if she was with it enough to say no. However when she was drunk but semi aware she could have got out of the situation but chose not to. Sad story but she never got black out drink again. Oh and that anger you have towards the OW is misplaced, it's your husbands fault he slept with her, I'm sure she didn't put a gun to his head.


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## CallaLily

I'm glad that he has received some help and admitted to a problem. I'm also glad to know you have attended some Alanon meetings, you should continue on, even if he doesn't continue with AA which I hope he does. 

Most people with addictive personalities will need further counseling with a counselor who specializes in addictions. What usually happens is, they try to replace one addiction with another once they stop one. He will need to get to the root of the triggers and how to handle them.


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## Riven

Thanks CallaLily, we are in the process of getting a new counselor. He does work with substance abuse as well, and is actually from results from people we've talked to a much better counselor.

As for him not going to AA regularly, part of it is that he has a sort of crowd anxiety issue. The last counselor thought he needed to work on that first, personally I think she was just trying to get in his pants... but who knows. They didn't get any work done on that as far as I know, the anxiety, lol. 

MrsOldNews, thank you for your reply. I understand what you're saying about the OW. He should not have even been in that position. The thing that I do know about my husband is that when he gets drunk, he reverts to a child like state where he doesn't know what to do, like a lost child, he will let other people take control for him. A prime example is the phone. I was calling repeatedly ( he called me from his pocket while at the bar and I heard her hitting on him and offering to go with him to his room). The next day he told me that he the conversation went like this regarding the ringing phone after he drunkenly talked to me, I was not aware she was there, I thought he was in the hotel alone at that time.

Him: I don't know what to do
Her: Turn it off
Him: I can't

So she got up and turned his phone off. This is a prime example of him in a drunk state. He doesn't make decisions, I have no doubt that he did not offer to take her back from the bar, that she offered to go with him. I heard the conversation. I have seen him drunk. His fault is that he got so drunk he could not keep control of his life. I blame her for taking advantage of a drunken married man when his ring was on and his wife was calling, that does not mean that I don't hold him accountable for his actions.


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## KathyBatesel

I think the "crowd anxiety" excuse is baloney, but let's say that it's completely valid. That would not stop him from getting a sponsor to help him work his 12-step program, which isn't done at meetings. 

To answer your original question, what he is saying could be true. It could also be a lie, though it sounds as if he's telling the truth since I'd expect him to say, "I don't think we had sex" if he was lying. 

The word "blackout" is a bit misleading in some ways. I think of it as a "grayout" because some of what happens will be remembered, and other parts won't, but it's not necessarily in a cohesive order. It's like seeing snapshots of the company picnic. If you weren't there, those snapshots would provide all the clues you had about the picnic. There might be a lot of snapshots, but it still doesn't give you the full picture of the day's events, what conversations took place, the overall atmosphere. An alcoholic blackout is similar.


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## Riven

He will say he doesn't remember having sex with her, like you said, but he will say he probably did and doesn't remember it and such. He'll take responsibility for more than he remembers. What I don't understand is that there are "snap shots" of things up until he lays on the bed and then nothing until morning when he woke up right before the alarm ( well about 4 1/2 hrs later) so wouldn't there be "photos" there too? Right after it happened, I snidedly said I hope you enjoyed it, he replied, no it was horrible, I couldn't even keep an erection. But now later he says he doesn't remember any touching at all. With that amount of beer in him, I don't doubt he was still drunk when I first talked to him that next morning.

He doesn't remember things like if or what he was wearing when he got up that morning, he thinks he had his boxers on... but then he'll think maybe he had his clothes all on still because he doesn't remember taking them off... I don't know what to think about it all. Part of me thinks he's just lying, part of me feels sorry for him, part of me is just pissed he could even do this to me...


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