# Affaircare's 'Going Through Divorce' Pity Party



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

_THE HONOR OF YOUR PRESENCE
IS HEREBY REQUESTED 
AT THE 'GOING THROUGH DIVORCE' PITY PARTY
EMBRACING THE MISERY AND DEPRESSION AND SORROW
OF 

ALL THOSE HERE GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE
AND
ALL THOSE HERE EMPATHIZING WITH YOU

THURSDAY, THE EIGHT OF JULY
IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD TWO THOUSAND AND TEN
AT THE COURTHOUSE

PLEASE WEAR CASUAL ATTIRE (THE MORE PITIFUL THE BETTER) AND BRING A DISH TO SHARE. _​


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Some days it is just better to EMBRACE the depression and sorrow rather than avoid it, so for those days, I am throwing this party. 

You are free to write here any pitiful, sorrowful, depressed thing you want to say with the exception of suicide--which is taken seriously and as if you mean it. Everything is "safe" here and you can feel free to express your sorrow, anger, grief or in any way get it out but please say *"This is a vent"* first.

I am dressed in jeans that haven't been washed in 3 days because when my ex left, he took it--a shirt that doesn't even look good on me and I don't care--no shoes--and my hair is just hanging there because I don't feel like taking the time to do something with it. 

I bring Melancholy (melon-cauli) flower salad and I'm going to have a warm beer and wallow over here in the mud pit.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

He took son to the pool this afternoon, brought him back at 8pm. I gave my son a bath and as I was feeding him a bottle he left. Did not bother to say where he was going. Now it is 1030pm and I can't even take a shower because son keeps waking up. Tried calling H on his cell he does not answer. I doubt that he is at the gym but the gym closes at 10pm. Some days I really have dark thoughts about him and I really wish something bad happens to him. I know this is horrible to say for the father of my child but that is how I feel.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

OOOH man is anger VENTING fair game here. May the fleas of a 1000 dogs infest the crotch of my X. May she have her heart broken by every man who ever dates her again. May she reap what she has sown on me 10 times over.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I am sitting right now in a parenting class mandated by the state I live in. The class is held in the same bldg, on the same floor,two doors down from the place where I first saw our son on an ultrasound almost 2 years ago to the date. Feel like crap right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cmf (May 21, 2010)

Sadly, I had to attend that same class. I'm in NC.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

I am about to move out of the house we shared for three years, I did all arrangement by myself but in a way I felt closure. I said goodbye to everything, the house, the rooms, the patio, the chairs, all of those moments we share behind those 4 walls. I cried, I remembered and at the end I smiled because even if life is hard, and we get hurt, the only thing left is to accept it as it is and move on. 

3 months since we separated, 1 month until the divorce is finalized, and still trying to stay strong and accepting this present of mine. Sometimes I am up, sometimes down, but as time goes by she has become a memory, she is no longer and will no longer be in my life. There is even a possibility that I will never see her again. I accept that, with pain but I accept it. 

4 years of living with somebody and trying to forget about her in 3 months is just unreal, but I know that the day will come when I can say, she was just a chapter in my life, and the divorce was for the best and I am completely over her. "This too shall pass"


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I'm tired today. I work and work and work with people, and yet somehow they still "don't see it" or no matter what I say, they do the exact opposite. People who were doing better are returning to infidelity because it's easier and feels good, and that's so discouraging. Some days I wish I could take what is in MY head and put it into someone else's head for just a minute so they could "get it" and then have the moral fortitude to be brave and stop it!

I have the world's most thankless job. Once someone's marriage is doing better, they go away and I never get to hear if things are better or if any of what we did made a difference. Don't get me wrong--I am guessing that there are even people who lurk who get something out of what I say--just the minute it's going better we never hear from them again. * sigh *


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

stbxhmaybe said:


> I am about to move out of the house we shared for three years, I did all arrangement by myself but in a way I felt closure. I said goodbye to everything, the house, the rooms, the patio, the chairs, all of those moments we share behind those 4 walls. I cried, I remembered and at the end I smiled because even if life is hard, and we get hurt, the only thing left is to accept it as it is and move on.
> 
> 3 months since we separated, 1 month until the divorce is finalized, and still trying to stay strong and accepting this present of mine. Sometimes I am up, sometimes down, but as time goes by she has become a memory, she is no longer and will no longer be in my life. There is even a possibility that I will never see her again. I accept that, with pain but I accept it.
> 
> 4 years of living with somebody and trying to forget about her in 3 months is just unreal, but I know that the day will come when I can say, she was just a chapter in my life, and the divorce was for the best and I am completely over her. "This too shall pass"


Do you have kids with her?


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

Affaircare said:


> I'm tired today. I work and work and work with people, and yet somehow they still "don't see it" or no matter what I say, they do the exact opposite. People who were doing better are returning to infidelity because it's easier and feels good, and that's so discouraging. Some days I wish I could take what is in MY head and put it into someone else's head for just a minute so they could "get it" and then have the moral fortitude to be brave and stop it!
> 
> I have the world's most thankless job. Once someone's marriage is doing better, they go away and I never get to hear if things are better or if any of what we did made a difference. Don't get me wrong--I am guessing that there are even people who lurk who get something out of what I say--just the minute it's going better we never hear from them again. * sigh *


I think you have a lot of good advice, and good things to say. Kinda sucks if your if peoples whos marriages who benefited from your help dont give you any updates


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Well Brewster if you think about it, it kinda comes withe the territory. I mean...you go to the doctor when you're SICK, right? When you get well, you stop going to the doctor.

Hey, I was having a pitiful day. It happens


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

What an interesting thread!

I hate how things are up in the air and my husband does nothing to show he cares. Even the "sti" I posted about didn't really seem to bother him much and he refuses to get checked. He denies everything and anything to do with me mentally or physically and I truly hate that about him! Everything I've ever felt has been dumb, stupid, childish and the like. 

And it's not that I'm upset over losing him because there are 100s like him, but the fact that I failed at something so big is what really sucks. I haven't allowed myself to feel sorry for me much but I can't stop thinking about how my daughter might grow up without her dad and end up hating me for it when she's older and want to move away  I know it's not good to worry about something so ahead of time but I can't help it!


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Brewster 59 said:


> OOOH man is anger VENTING fair game here. May the fleas of a 1000 dogs infest the crotch of my X. May she have her heart broken by every man who ever dates her again. May she reap what she has sown on me 10 times over.


Be careful what you wish for it will come back and bite YOU not your ex. A couple of times when I suspected my h of cheating I said to myself that I hope he gets an std if he cheats on me and now I'm the one with an infection. What goes around definitely comes around.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

cherrypie18 said:


> Be careful what you wish for it will come back and bite YOU not your ex. A couple of times when I suspected my h of cheating I said to myself that I hope he gets an std if he cheats on me and now I'm the one with an infection. What goes around definitely comes around.


Well I do have 2 dogs but so far no crotch infections, not too worried about getting my heart broken again since my X cut mine out, and for reaping what I sow, well Ive never done what my X did to me to an enemy let alone someone I loved but now Im fully in the anger stage and really all I can think about is how Im going to make this Biotch pay, will I actually take action, I dont know, its all an emotional fog right now.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I have to admit, when I was divorcing and in Anger phase/stage/step or whatever, I found it VERY therapeutic to hatch elaborate schemes to commit the perfect crime and key his car, pop his tires, put an ad in the paper, rent a billboard, break his windows out, etc. 

Would I ever ACTUALLY do any of those things? Heck no.  I'm a peaceful kind of person and don't even swat at mosquitos! But it was fun as all get out planning those things in a very James Bond kind of way.


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