# Sex to the egg timer



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

So I have tried to find this one in here, but couldn't. My brother gets married and after a few months his new bride pulls out an egg timer and puts it by the side of the bed. She says OK this is all the time you get and when the bell goes off you are done. He gets once a week to beat the clock. He is rather frustrated with the set up. What would you advise him.


----------



## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Omg....no! Are you kidding me????

I would have pulled out a sledge hammer, obliterated it right in front of her and would have said THAT is what I think of your egg timer.... When you are ready to be with a man you let me know, until then I'll be seeing ya...


----------



## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

Ummm... Does he ever get her to the point that she doesn't want him to stop? If not maybe he should try that.


----------



## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

annulment


----------



## Want2babettrme (May 17, 2013)

Stevenj said:


> So I have tried to find this one in here, but couldn't. My brother gets married and after a few months his new bride pulls out an egg timer and puts it by the side of the bed. She says OK this is all the time you get and when the bell goes off you are done. He gets once a week to beat the clock. He is rather frustrated with the set up. What would you advise him.


1. Take timer, fling out window.

2. Hand [email protected] divorce papers.

3. Say "I'm done."

4. Start looking for non-defective replacement.


----------



## Want2babettrme (May 17, 2013)

coffee4me said:


> Ummm... Does he ever get her to the point that she doesn't want him to stop? If not maybe he should try that.


C4M,

Why would he want to bother.



An egg timer. Really.


----------



## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

That is hyper control in the most intimate area of their lives. Wretched!! If he were my brother I would tell him to run and not look back. How long has their relationship been?


----------



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Oh my. That's bull****.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

So after they are married he finds out she was raped by her brother when younger and is messed up in the head when it comes to sex. Not sure if this is common with rape victims.


----------



## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Ugh.... Dang it!

With that knowledge I would still tell her, honey I hear you, but we need to find a better way because this will not work for me.

I know why she didnt tell, but that is so significant.. she should have. Feeling bad for both of them. I hope she is someone who owns her own recovery work.

He still has the option to walk.... Since she did not disclose. Imo


----------



## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage: Willard F. Jr. Harley: 9780800719388: Amazon.com: Books

Not that I have much hope if she isn't already working on herself, but you might send him this to share.


----------



## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

Advice: secretly glue the sands together so it does not move.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

That's okay. Tell your brother to use the egg timer for other chores too. When the time is up, it's back to Xbox.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Does she like to show her ta-ta’s to her boss?

C


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

What would I tell him? I'd tell him to quit telling bull **** stories to his brother. Does his secretary flash her tits at him too?


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Perhaps he could boil eggs?

Two birds with one stone.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Not buying the OP's story but just because I am feeling rather naughty......

Sometimes I give Mr H 3 minutes in the morning to have a quickie and go to work with a smile on his face. He likes quickies, not my thing but when he gets up he will often get a toy out for me to play with while he is in the shower.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Wife, "darling I want you to come into the kitchen and make love to me."

Husband, "Why sweetheart, do you find me irresistible?"

Wife, "No love, the egg timer is broken and I want to boil some eggs."


----------



## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Wife, "darling I want you to come into the kitchen and make love to me."
> 
> Husband, "Why sweetheart, do you find me irresistible?"
> 
> Wife, "No love, the egg timer is broken and I want to boil some eggs."


Good one... or how about this....

Just like Pavlov's dogs he becomes conditioned and every time he hears a bell he comes in his pants...


----------



## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Oh y'all I would not want to be the new definition of a one minute man like this... So feel for this guy. If her coping is this severe, she should have never withheld this from him. How can someone take a life vow witholding life altering information from the one they "love." What else is she withholding???


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Stevenj said:


> So I have tried to find this one in here, but couldn't. My brother gets married and after a few months his new bride pulls out an egg timer and puts it by the side of the bed. She says OK this is all the time you get and when the bell goes off you are done. He gets once a week to beat the clock. He is rather frustrated with the set up. What would you advise him.


Dave Chappelle did this episode about ten years years ago.










Between the egg timer sex and the secretary throwing her t!ts in your face, you have some very strange threads, Steve...


----------



## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

I absolutely hate when people question the legitimacy of posts. HOWEVER..hypocritical as it may be..I have to say it is becoming clear you only post outrageous things. Makes a person wonder...


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

livnlearn said:


> I absolutely hate when people question the legitimacy of posts. HOWEVER..hypocritical as it may be..I have to say it is becoming clear you only post outrageous things. Makes a person wonder...


Thanks for your half support. The storys are actually true even though outrageously sounding and yes the ta-tas story is true too. So maybe some weird situations have happened in my life. The hard thing is how this all finished up. This happened a couple years ago. At the time he was frustrated as heck. So his wife gets pregnant and has a baby. About a month after the baby is born she walks in and says, "I don't want to be married to you anymore". I don't know if she was translating the former rape on him or what. I think the egg timer was a result of her abuse. She walks away from the marriage and goes DARK. Did not talk to him until it was finalized.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm confused. 



Stevenj said:


> So I have tried to find this one in here, but couldn't. My brother gets married and after a few months his new bride pulls out an egg timer and puts it by the side of the bed. She says OK this is all the time you get and when the bell goes off you are done. *He gets once a week to beat the clock. He is rather frustrated with the set up. What would you advise him*.


Your first post makes it sound like this is a current issue. 

Then you say:



Stevenj said:


> *This happened a couple years ago. *At the time he was frustrated as heck. So his wife gets pregnant and has a baby. About a month after the baby is born she walks in and says, "I don't want to be married to you anymore". I don't know if she was translating the former rape on him or what. I think the egg timer was a result of her abuse. She walks away from the marriage and goes DARK. Did not talk to him until it was finalized.


----------



## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

Stevenj said:


> This happened a couple years ago.


jackass


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My suggestion... Read the forum rules, and try following them. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Stevenj said:


> Thanks for your half support. The storys are actually true even though outrageously sounding and yes the ta-tas story is true too. So maybe some weird situations have happened in my life. The hard thing is how this all finished up. This happened a couple years ago. At the time he was frustrated as heck. So his wife gets pregnant and has a baby. About a month after the baby is born she walks in and says, "I don't want to be married to you anymore". I don't know if she was translating the former rape on him or what. I think the egg timer was a result of her abuse. She walks away from the marriage and goes DARK. Did not talk to him until it was finalized.


I hope he has the child...


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

PBear said:


> Does she like to show her ta-ta’s to her boss?
> 
> C


Well....this can happen. I knew an older grandmotherly type of secretary that enjoyed giving blow jobs to all the execs. It wasn't to keep her job or anything like that. She just really liked doing it, and would get upset if someone declined the offer.

But the egg timer thing. C'mon man.....even the biggest doormat on the face of the earth would flip out under those circumstances.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Disenchanted said:


> jackass


I agree with PBear. Calling someone a Jackass is against the forum rules.

I would like to understand though the psychology of a woman's view toward sex that has suffered child abuse. Is it an unpleasant thing or does it change based upon the person? His difficulty was not knowing going into the relationship. Does the abuse mess up the woman in having sex?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Stevenj said:


> I agree with PBear. Calling someone a Jackass is against the forum rules.
> 
> I would like to understand though the psychology of a woman's view toward sex that has suffered child abuse. Is it an unpleasant thing or does it change based upon the person? His difficulty was not knowing going into the relationship. Does the abuse mess up the woman in having sex?


Well, actually, I was referring to your post. The SIM forum is not for titillation or hypotheticals. It's for helping people with specific problems. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Depends on the circumstances and how she was imprinted. Yes it can... severely. In some instances it creates quirky imprinting. Depending on how severe the abuse was some people can develop Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder.) So there is a continuum of trauma residual for sure.


----------



## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

Stevenj said:


> Calling someone a Jackass is against the forum rules.


Fraud is _against the law_.


----------



## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

Stevenj said:


> She says OK this is all the time you get and when the bell goes off you are done..


Really? tell bro to take that egg timer and throw it so far she will never hear the damn bell. Replace it with a hour glass. Tell him to show some testicular fortitude.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

But Steve said this happened YEARS ago so there is no egg timer to throw anymore and the wife already left the guy. Which is hella confusing because first he posted as if it was currently happening and asking for how to advise his brother.

Makes no sense.


----------



## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> But Steve said this happened YEARS ago so there is no egg timer to throw anymore. Which is hella confusing because first he posted as if it was currently happening and asking for how to advise his brother.
> 
> Makes no sense.


Sounds like someone who likes to play games in forums. I guess if that is how you get your entertainment. It does not take much to amuse the simple minded.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'd advise him to call her a hard-boiled b1tch and file for divorce. She can keep her eggs - unfertilized.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> I'd advise him to call her a hard-boiled b1tch and file for divorce. She can keep her eggs - unfertilized.


I see what you did there. Nice.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If it was me, I'd pull out the egg timer and tell her that's the amount of time she has to pack up and leave.

Anyone who is given that kind of choice and puts up with it gets what they deserve. Talk about humiliation and a lack of respect.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

It kinda has that exercise video vibe - like "Sweatin' to the Oldies" or something like that. Think about it: "Sex to the Egg Timer". Training video? Exercise video? You know some goof ball would buy something like this...


----------



## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Stevenj said:


> My brother gets married and after a few months his new bride pulls out an egg timer and puts it by the side of the bed. She says OK this is all the time you get and when the bell goes off you are done. He gets once a week to beat the clock.


Can I just say that you post some of the most entertaining threads on TAM?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> I'd advise him to call her a hard-boiled b1tch and file for divorce. She can keep her eggs - unfertilized.


:rofl:




6301 said:


> If it was me, I'd pull out the egg timer and tell her that's the amount of time she has to pack up and leave.


But didn't you read his follow up post? He said the wife left the guy YEARS ago. (Yet he's looking for current advice on he should respond). Yeah...


----------



## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

MSP said:


> Can I just say that you post some of the most entertaining threads on TAM?


Reminds me of a poster about a year ago....I think called new_step_mum Those threads were epic! :rofl:


----------



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Honestly, does anyone need a timer specifically for boiling eggs? Do people really boil eggs so much? Freaking everything has a timer and stopwatch on it these days. 

However, I'm amused thinking of the old fashioned kitchen timer by the edge of the bed.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Blossom Leigh said:


> Depends on the circumstances and how she was imprinted. Yes it can... severely. In some instances it creates quirky imprinting. Depending on how severe the abuse was some people can develop Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder.) So there is a continuum of trauma residual for sure.


Thanks Blossom for the nice post. I appreciate your serious and non-attacking response. I don't want this to be a dispute but want to understand the situation.

So in Dissociative Identity Disorder does the person develop a distaste for sex or painful sex in a situation of a former rape?


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

The painful part was her quick abandonment of the marriage. It was devastating to him and the family.


----------



## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Stevenj said:


> Thanks Blossom for the nice post. I appreciate your serious and non-attacking response. I don't want this to be a dispute but want to understand the situation.
> 
> So in Dissociative Identity Disorder does the person develop a distaste for sex or painful sex in a situation of a former rape?


You are welcome..

From what I have studied a "part" will come forward to "perform" the act, while the the rest of the parts are mostly tucked away in safe mental compartments until it is safe to come out again. 

Some persons I've heard to shut down totally or have repressed pain that reveals itself in painful intercourse since the body stores emotional memory. They can actually experience wide spread body pain.

Sometimes they will be sexual addicts depending on imprinting...


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Wait - why did you post this if it's been resolved? What are you asking?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Blossom Leigh said:


> You are welcome..
> 
> From what I have studied a "part" will come forward to "perform" the act, while the the rest of the parts are mostly tucked away in safe mental compartments until it is safe to come out again.
> 
> ...


How do the MCs deal with imprinting. Say he had a choice in the matter which he didn't, what type of therapy does an imprinted person go through? Is it even treatable? Is this the samething the pedeaphiles go through when they are abused as kids and do it to other kids?


----------



## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Wow... the whole story with her brother actually makes it take a rather sad turn. 

My exH used to beat the shi* out of me, and I didn't reach O with him for over a decade. The first sexual partner I had after him was very adamant about working with me to get past the egregious breach of trust, which was inhibiting me sexually (I couldn't relax enough to experience that physical letting...). I still remember the first time I O from "just sex." This after having read tons of books and literature about how to O. 

She isn't enjoying it because she is mentally broken. If he really truly loves her, he needs to believe in her and work with her. Toys can help in the meantime... but be sure not to become over-reliant on them.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Disable the bell...


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Pepper123 said:


> Wow... the whole story with her brother actually makes it take a rather sad turn.
> 
> My exH used to beat the shi* out of me, and I didn't reach O with him for over a decade. The first sexual partner I had after him was very adamant about working with me to get past the egregious breach of trust, which was inhibiting me sexually (I couldn't relax enough to experience that physical letting...). I still remember the first time I O from "just sex." This after having read tons of books and literature about how to O.
> 
> She isn't enjoying it because she is mentally broken. If he really truly loves her, he needs to believe in her and work with her. Toys can help in the meantime... but be sure not to become over-reliant on them.


Wow. Sorry to hear about your situation. Did you feel a weight lifted off you when you finally were able to enjoy it or is it still a struggle? I feel so sorry for people that suffer from abuse. They have a joy in life that is taken from them.


----------



## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Stevenj said:


> How do the MCs deal with imprinting. Say he had a choice in the matter which he didn't, what type of therapy does an imprinted person go through? Is it even treatable? Is this the samething the pedeaphiles go through when they are abused as kids and do it to other kids?


One core concept is self acceptance and appropriate management. Beyond that generalized idea, I dont know. EMDR and other modalities are used but deep detail I cannot offer. 

From what 
I understand about pedofiles. It can.. yes


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

I guess to a certain extent we are all imprinted by our past experiences.


----------



## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Stevenj said:


> So I have tried to find this one in here, but couldn't. My brother gets married and after a few months his new bride pulls out an egg timer and puts it by the side of the bed. She says OK this is all the time you get and when the bell goes off you are done. He gets once a week to beat the clock. He is rather frustrated with the set up. What would you advise him.


wtf?


----------



## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

Stevenj said:


> So after they are married he finds out she was raped by her brother when younger and is messed up in the head when it comes to sex. Not sure if this is common with rape victims.


Sometimes rape and sexual abuse survivors develop a lot of control issues around sex. It makes them feel safer. Your SIL could also be disgusted by sex because of the rape.

If she wants to stay married, she needs to see a therapist. Being a rape or sexual abuse survivor is not an excuse to treat one's spouse badly.


----------



## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

Stevenj said:


> Wow. Sorry to hear about your situation. Did you feel a weight lifted off you when you finally were able to enjoy it or is it still a struggle? I feel so sorry for people that suffer from abuse. They have a joy in life that is taken from them.


With a lot of emotional work and healing, abuse survivors can go on to live fulfilled and happy lives. I am living proof of that. 

I thought that I would never get married because of my severe intimacy and trust issues. My patient and loving husband was a sweet surprise. He has been my best lover because of the bond we share and of course his sexual prowess.


----------



## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

Blossom Leigh said:


> You are welcome..
> 
> From what I have studied a "part" will come forward to "perform" the act, while the the rest of the parts are mostly tucked away in safe mental compartments until it is safe to come out again.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree: Very true. I had vaginismus for many years.


----------



## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

I don't believe a word of any of this. Steve is making this up.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> With a lot of emotional work and healing, abuse survivors can go on to live fulfilled and happy lives. I am living proof of that.
> 
> I thought that I would never get married because of my severe intimacy and trust issues. My patient and loving husband was a sweet surprise. He has been my best lover because of the bond we share and of course his sexual prowess.


What a great result. Thank you for sharing. I am glad to hear that there is hope with a lot of work and a patient spouse.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

BashfulBull said:


> I don't believe a word of any of this. Steve is making this up.


Didn't realize the purpose of posting was to be on trial for my integrity. Sorry, story is true.


----------



## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

Stevenj said:


> What a great result. Thank you for sharing. I am glad to hear that there is hope with a lot of work and a patient spouse.


The main roadblock is a survivor who refuses therapy. 

It is very hard to explicitly discuss the details and consequences of such trauma, but letting go of fear has great rewards. 

This applies to everyone who has issues and needs to see a therapist.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> The main roadblock is a survivor who refuses therapy.
> 
> It is very hard to explicitly discuss the details and consequences of such trauma, but letting go of fear has great rewards.
> 
> This applies to everyone who has issues and needs to see a therapist.


I am not sure how this whole recovery thing works in therapy to overcome imprinting. What is said or done to help the person with the roadblock to think in a different way?


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

This would not work for me hell I spend about an hour on for-play alone before doing the deed. OP you need to tell your brother to have a long talk about this with her if need be they should see a sex therapist.


----------



## Jamestone (Mar 30, 2014)

Yea. I would be done for sure. Not my idea of fun at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

xakulax said:


> This would not work for me hell I spend about an hour on for-play alone before doing the deed. OP you need to tell your brother to have a long talk about this with her if need be they should see a sex therapist.


A whole hour? Hopefully your wife has you on a turkey timer.


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Stevenj said:


> A whole hour? Hopefully your wife has you on a turkey timer.



lol what can I say I like to get my girl in a frenzy :smthumbup:


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

xakulax said:


> lol what can I say I like to get my girl in a frenzy :smthumbup:


Hopefully all your fore play ends with a bang.


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

Wow is all I can say about so many points in this post. 

I have been raped multiple times by the same man, and I have a history of child sexual abuse. 

I totally get the egg timer thing. Let me explain why, At one point in my healing, I learned how long I could stay present and not dissociate, Sorry, it was just a matter of minutes. But when it comes to foreplay and oral and all the other things that go with sex, I set the limit at 20 min. I need to know it will stop. That I will not be pressed to be manipulated and to feel the stress of performance anxiety for an extended amount of time, never knowing when it will stop. If the big "bang" has not happened in 20 min then it is not going to. Knowing that after 20 min it will stop gave me a since of control and took away part of that fear. 

As for the imprinting, that can be partially reversed. I have worked very hard to change how my brain reacts to certain situations. So I can now have sex and stay present for 5 min rather then 30 seconds. I can have sex how ever long my H would like, I am just not present and am dissociated after 5 min. 

I know it sucks for my husband, but you have no idea the personal hell I go threw mentally and how much it sucks for me. The crime was committed against me at some long ago point in time, not against him. Any hell and anguish he feels is only multiplied by 10 for me.


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

I must admit, some of yall do have a great since of humor. I have learned to be less triggered by the kind of stuff in this thread. I even laughed a little at some of this stuff. Now I think I'll go boil and egg.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Stevenj said:


> So I have tried to find this one in here, but couldn't. My brother gets married and after a few months his new bride pulls out an egg timer and puts it by the side of the bed. She says OK this is all the time you get and when the bell goes off you are done. He gets once a week to beat the clock. He is rather frustrated with the set up. What would you advise him.


Awesome! I'd get to go twice. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Don-Juan (Sep 1, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Awesome! I'd get to go twice.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl: now this is funny!:lol:


----------



## Kelreed1 (Apr 12, 2014)

Every day is better then the next.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Big Mama said:


> Wow is all I can say about so many points in this post.
> 
> I have been raped multiple times by the same man, and I have a history of child sexual abuse.
> 
> ...


----------



## Phil Landers (Apr 26, 2014)

Wow OP sounds like your brother should watch the movie "Click" and get one of those remotes to have sex like Adam Sandler.


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

Sorry for the delay in responding - The imprinting thing, how did I over come that. I still haven't completely over come it. I assuming by imprinting you are talking about things that affect you even though you don't have much control over it. 

When I have strange dreams, nightmares and flashbacks, I write what happened in a notebook. I write what the dream was or what the flashback was. On a separate page I rewrite the story. As if I could change things, and change the outcome. ex. I have huge issues with entrapment, and I have dreams about being trapped like in a mall all alone, or in a secret hideout. When I have those dreams I write down as much as I can remember, then when I rewrite it, I use the same level of description to re write the story. So like instead of being trapped and I rewrite that my husband, or my best friend or my dog, just who ever seems to bring peace at the moment, comes and finds me, and leads me to safety, helps me find a way out, comforts me, shows me I am not alone. Eventually that is a way of taking control of the situation, and it starts to bother you less and less. 

I hope that is what you were talking about. Somehow it seems to give you back the power to change the outcome, which is something most likely you couldn't do as a child or in the event of rape.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

You know what is funny I was watching the movie Click with Adam Sandler and he had the perfect solution. He uses a remote control to speed up his sex, definitely making it within the egg timer limit. Once Michael (Adam Sandler) discovers the thing’s secret, what does he do? Michael puts the universe in slow motion so that he can prolong the sensation of watching a busty woman run by. When he’s not doing that, he uses the remote control to fast-forward through fights, getting dressed, and, inexplicably, sex. Most of this he does so that he can get to his work, which promises to make or break his career. Since everything he fast-forwards through seems to be done to his satisfaction, one wonders why he doesn’t fast-forward through the work to get to the sex, but that assumes a level of rationality which he simply does not possess.


----------



## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Not going to comment on whether I think the story is true or not. What I will say is it sounds like a Dr. Phil episode I saw recently. The wife on the show only allowed her husband sex in the time it took for the commercials to end during her favourite program. So it could be true, could not - then again the story on Dr. Phil could be false.

As for the effects of sexual abuse on a woman's sexuality (or man's), I think they can vary. From personal experience, I don't have any sexual hang-ups about sex as a result of my abuse. I didn't become oversexed or controlling about sex and generally enjoy it within a monogamous relationship.

Although I'm fine when it comes to sex and genuinely enjoy it, that's not to say I don't have hang-ups elsewhere though. I suffer from anxiety attacks both at the gynecologists office before exams and while in a dentist's chair. I really feel like I am confined and feel like I don't have control during those times and just feel the urge to fight and flight... I try to hide it but inside I'm panicking immediately before and during procedures. My gynecologist was also my Obstetrician for both of my pregnancies - thank goodness. 

She and I have talked about it and she is really understanding. While she normally only sees pregnant women and those suffering infertility, she's agreed to be my doctor perpetually and it helps a lot because I have gotten used to her... I still feel anxiety but it's not as bad as it was or would be if I had to get used to a new doctor.


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

I must say dentist are a huge trigger of mine. Being confined, knowing I have to hold still, having things put in my mouth, and the gag reflex, yikes. Dentists are my worlds worst trigger. I have had a conversation with my dentist and he understands the PTSD factor and uses child size items when ever possible. I have had to have oral sedation for some things that are uncomfortable but tolerable by others but not so much for me. I can only hold out for so long before it becomes more then I can bare .


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Some of us would be exstatic to be able to have sex to an egg-timer. It would be a huge increase. Say for the LD world, it catches on where they are finally allowing penetrative sex, but since it's not important to them, you have 7 minutes on an egg timer. But it is 2-3 times per week. For many of the cursed sexless, this would be very good sex.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Big Mama said:


> I must say dentist are a huge trigger of mine. Being confined, knowing I have to hold still, having things put in my mouth, and the gag reflex, yikes. Dentists are my worlds worst trigger. I have had a conversation with my dentist and he understands the PTSD factor and uses child size items when ever possible. I have had to have oral sedation for some things that are uncomfortable but tolerable by others but not so much for me. I can only hold out for so long before it becomes more then I can bare .


So are you saying that your dentist gives you PTSD in your sex life or that he gives you anxiety in general.


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

The PTSD affects my visits with the dentist. It is not the regular anxiety. I have a horrible gag reflex. The confinement, the sensation of putting all kinds of weird things in your mouth and have it be over full. I often dissociate at the dentist office, when I return mentally I spook and jump because "Oh Sh it, I am confined and there are things in my mouth." I cry, I have panic attacks. I have told the dentist what has happened to me in a general kind of way. I have told him this is why I need to have as few things as possible in my mouth. Don't be surprised if I cry, if you see tears it's ok. Just know that I am not here. Don't come into the room and talk to me from behind me. Come where I can see you first then talk all you'd like, don't sneak up on me. 

As far as sex goes, The PTSD is very similar. I can't give BJ's. I can't be confined. I can't be touched all over. I often cry or have panic attacks during sex, or cry afterwards. I dissociate and when I return mentally, I be damned if my H is still there poking to his hearts content. Then I dissociate again. The egg timer thing works for me, because I know it will be over with in a certain amount of time. It won't just be endless amounts of sex and me going in and out of dissociation over and over. 


Quote:
"So are you saying that your dentist gives you PTSD in your sex life or that he gives you anxiety in general."

Since I am not having sex with my dentist he doesn't affect my PTSD in my sex life.

 I'm KIDDING!!!! The PTSD affects both my dental visits and my Sex life for similar reasons. 

Confinement, inability to escape, and stuff in my mouth.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Big Mama said:


> The PTSD affects my visits with the dentist. It is not the regular anxiety. I have a horrible gag reflex. The confinement, the sensation of putting all kinds of weird things in your mouth and have it be over full. I often dissociate at the dentist office, when I return mentally I spook and jump because "Oh Sh it, I am confined and there are things in my mouth." I cry, I have panic attacks. I have told the dentist what has happened to me in a general kind of way. I have told him this is why I need to have as few things as possible in my mouth. Don't be surprised if I cry, if you see tears it's ok. Just know that I am not here. Don't come into the room and talk to me from behind me. Come where I can see you first then talk all you'd like, don't sneak up on me.
> 
> As far as sex goes, The PTSD is very similar. I can't give BJ's. I can't be confined. I can't be touched all over. I often cry or have panic attacks during sex, or cry afterwards. I dissociate and when I return mentally, I be damned if my H is still there poking to his hearts content. Then I dissociate again. The egg timer thing works for me, because I know it will be over with in a certain amount of time. It won't just be endless amounts of sex and me going in and out of dissociation over and over.
> 
> ...


You should talk to your doctor about conversion disorder.

Conversion disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I know of people that have had their whole body shut down in certain situations.


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

Steven I will check out that link once everyone goes to sleep. Here is my story and why I have PTSD issues. 

I hope this works. I'm not so good at doing links. 

My story of Rape, I need to heal - Forums at Psych Central


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Big Mama said:


> Steven I will check out that link once everyone goes to sleep. Here is my story and why I have PTSD issues.
> 
> I hope this works. I'm not so good at doing links.
> 
> My story of Rape, I need to heal - Forums at Psych Central


Just be open minded enough to realize their may be specialist who can more easily transition you out of this mode. Reading and understanding is good.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Big Mama said:


> Steven I will check out that link once everyone goes to sleep. Here is my story and why I have PTSD issues.
> 
> I hope this works. I'm not so good at doing links.
> 
> My story of Rape, I need to heal - Forums at Psych Central


So conversion disorder usually occurs to abuse victims. Best to see a psychiatrist that specializes or has background in treating it. I had a relative that their body would shut down for no reason during the day because of he past problems.


----------

