# Texting Before a First Date



## jgoode14 (Jul 25, 2011)

I'm a divorced man re-entering the dating scene. I've taken time to make improvements on myself. I've been reconnecting with friends, especially one I haven't seen in a couple of years. 

This past Saturday, I was hanging out with such a friend when I accidentally bumped into a cute woman. I apologized, we got to talking we hit it off. So much so that we're going out tomorrow night. 

I've been out of the dating game for a few (6) years. While my ex and I texted, it's different than being single. Is it considered creepy or a turn-off if I text her today, saying something like "Hi, thinking about you and looking forward to tomorrow!". Or should I just wait, say something else? I guess I'm not familiar with the rules.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I don't think it's creepy to text, although I'd probably replace the "thinking of you" with something like, "just wanted to say hi" or "Hi, hope you're having a good day". Then just say that you're looking forward to your date. But no more than that one message unless she starts a conversation. Then tomorrow you could touch base to confirm plans, but other than that, just keep it cool.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

As a woman just getting back into the dating game myself after a couple of years...I think *a* text would be ok, and a texting conversation would be fine if she kept it going. A simple "Are we still on for tomorrow" or "I'm looking forward to it" would seem sweet to me. But a whole bunch of texts would creep me out, unless I'd responded to your first text and we were having a conversation.

Actually, thinking about this, I would expect a text or phone call or something to confirm we were still on, and if I didn't hear from you, I'd be texting or calling myself to confirm.


----------



## jgoode14 (Jul 25, 2011)

I can do that. Just did actually. Now, what if she doesn't respond to it at all? Is that bad? I'm still going to try and confirm tomorrow. Is that one of those hard to get situations then? I'm not freaking out, just trying to learn.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Well realistically, she may not be waiting with her phone in hand to text you back. Plus, you just sent a little statement, she might come back with a "yeah me too" or not. Definitely check in tomorrow to shore up the details, but don't worry too much about the text today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

jgoode14 said:


> I can do that. Just did actually. Now, what if she doesn't respond to it at all? Is that bad? I'm still going to try and confirm tomorrow. Is that one of those hard to get situations then? I'm not freaking out, just trying to learn.


Sometimes texts don't go through. Also, I know that I keep my phone with me, but I do occasionally walk away, say for dinner or to use the bathroom, and won't always remember to check it for messages (luckily, I now have a phone that flashes a little light at me when I have a new text, missed call, or voicemail!), so she might not have gotten it yet or not at all. 

I would leave it for today, and if you don't hear from her, send her a text maybe tomorrow early afternoon with something like "hey, texted yesterday to confirm tonight, not sure it went through. Just want to confirm we're still on?"


----------



## jgoode14 (Jul 25, 2011)

Well I figured after an hour or so if I didn't hear from her then I'd try again today. 

Well, after twenty minutes, I got a response and we texted off and on for 7 hours (she initiated conversations.) When I thought she might be done, she kept going. She said she is very much looking forward to tonight.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Now, see, that would be way too much communication for me before a first date. Some ladies like anticipation and privacy. You are lucky you got one that has other preferences. I like face time not email not texts not phone conversations not skype not facebook. Suppose someone hand-picks a bouquet of flowers for me, that's half an hour he wasn't talking to me that he was thinking about me. Better than a text. But I wouldn't want a relationship that requires a lot of texting and phone conversation. So for me, I wouldn't want it to start out that way. I'm like, make a date in person, don't exchange phone numbers or emails or even last names, and then show up at the agreed-upon time and place. If you get stood up, don't assume it's getting stood up until you have more info about why the person didn't show. 

More talk doesn't always equal more information or a better connection. But I suppose if that's someone's MO...7 hours of texting off and on...to me that says emotionally needy, maybe unstable. The kind thing to do to save her that embarassment of lacking control over impulsive communication would have been to cut it off after the first exchange. I hope the date doesn't go awkwardly now because of that.


----------



## jgoode14 (Jul 25, 2011)

Well I am chalking it up to a difference in age. I am 30, she is 24. MY cousin is that age and that's ALL they do is text. So it doesn't surprise me in the least. I text some, so it's no big deal to me.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I thought of that too.
But I think that level of connection before a date takes some steam and anticipation out of the mix. I would draw the line at updating FB wall to reflect fact that one is out on a date, going out on a date, or having just returned from a date, especially a first date. Now that would be creepy. Who really needs to know about a serious first date except the two people who went on it. Anything more than that, the relationship is more than just for the two of you, i.e. for personal enjoyment and I'd want to know why.


----------



## jgoode14 (Jul 25, 2011)

I don't have Facebook. I am private and I don't need that info out there. Don't know if she does or not. I'll find out tonight I'm sure!!

I am not sure how serious it is. After all, this is my first real date after my divorce. I'm not expecting anything other than to have a good time.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Yes, have fun!!!!!


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

So how did it go?


----------



## jgoode14 (Jul 25, 2011)

It went well. We had fun at the mini-golf course. Some flirting, stealing kisses and good conversation. She told me she had a great time. Plan on seeing her again. Not sure when though. I'm going to the beach with my buddies this weekend and next weekend going to my family reunion. 

I do have a question though: post-date contact. Going to call her tonight, just to say hello. Is that expected/kind gesture/creepy? Again, been outta the loop awhile, just learning the rules.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Depends on how you handle it, I suppose. Call and hang up 50 times, that's creepy.  Call and say "I had a really nice time, and though I'm tied up the next couple of weeks, I'd like to see you again and get to know you better", that's sweet and somewhat expected.


----------



## jgoode14 (Jul 25, 2011)

greeneyeddolphin said:


> Depends on how you handle it, I suppose. Call and hang up 50 times, that's creepy.  Call and say "I had a really nice time, and though I'm tied up the next couple of weeks, I'd like to see you again and get to know you better", that's sweet and somewhat expected.


Haha. No, wasn't going to call and hang up. I planned on saying something close to your suggestion, so good to know I'm on the right track.

Now, what if she texts me after work (which she gets off from in an hour)? Still call or just text?


----------



## jgoode14 (Jul 25, 2011)

One other thing that I'm scratching my head on. When we met at the bar, we kissed; guess you could say we made out. In a date setting I wasn't expecting that, but here's my dilemma. I very much want to do that again . I don't want to seem like I'm forcing that, but I don't want to wait too long. 

I was actually thinking if I get back from the beach early enough Sunday, I'd have a picnic dinner. That'd be good for that I suppose...


----------



## Rafaelinan (Jul 31, 2011)

Wow that's a lil over of a first date, isn't it? I guess you were overwhelmed that you're back in the loop. Well yeah, if you wanna do it and thinks she also wants to, then go ahead. It's not everyday that you like someone and she likes you back, you know. You were out of the dating scene for some time so go get her, you deserve a "warm" welcome back. LOL


----------



## jgoode14 (Jul 25, 2011)

I went ahead and did it. After the first date, I sent her a text telling her I had a good time. She responded a day later. I called her and left a message the day after that. She told me she is at work, so I told her call me when you could.

I got a text later saying although she had fun, she didn't feel anything. I said no worries and wished her luck. At least we had a good time. There's plenty of other women out there!


----------

