# Ex Parte



## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

Well here it goes. My husband has a history of verbal and physical abuse. On Saturday, he threw a can of tobacco at me (open) and then cussed at me to clean it up. I refused. At this time he got the broom and began to clean it up, then hit me on the leg with the broom (top part where the bristles meet the handle). I went to call 911 and he yanked the phone out of the wall. Ultimately long story short, I went to the police and he was arrested and held for 12 hours. 
This is the second time he has been arrested for domestic violence against me, but not the second time it has happened. 

The police sent me out to the sheriff's department to get an emergency ex parte order. I obtained one and he was served that in jail. He got out at 3:30 this morning and came to the house with an officer to get his items.

We have 2 children together, 10 and 4 who witnessed everything as well as my son had a friend over. Absolutely terrible. I know that this is what I needed to do, but why does it hurt so badly? I do love him, but the marriage isn't working and he continues to hit me. I find myself feeling sorry for him.

To top things off, I got laid off in December right before Christmas. I feel like this is a bad Jerry Springer episode. Also, he left me with absolutely no money and no access to any as he has his private account. We will not have a court hearing until April 28. I don't know what to do about visitation as the children would have to cross state lines to visit him, as he is staying with his parents in another state.

Advice, suggestions, etc. Anyone


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

do not put the kids in harms way, if he doesn't have you to take his anger out on who will be next.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

He has never touched the kids and I don't think that he would, as he grew up in that environment. 

I just don't know how to get through the next 60 days with no income and his family is now all pi**ed off at me!


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

could this be a wake up call for him, or do you think he will just do the same in the future? i know it woke me up. mabey you should get in touch with some type of family services


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

This is the second time I have had to go through this ex parte. The last time was five years ago. So no, I don't think this is a wake up call. I think it is the beginning of the end of our marriage which hurts. Badly.
I will probably call family services in the morning. I have never had to get any type of government aid, so this is a huge pride issue!


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

when a person is down, there is no shame in help, no matter from who. does he have addictoin problems??? alcohol, drugs


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

No drug or alcohol problems. The occassional drink which escalates the problems. Raised in a bad home, mom gave him up at the age of 7 to a dad who was an alcoholic and abusive. Basically he has not respect for women period.

My question is, why do I feel bad for him?


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

because you love him. what are some of the good things he has done for you??


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

have you had any councling together. it has helped me greatly


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

He does provide for us normally. Money is not a huge issue, but he has been abusive since the honeymoon. I keep staying for the kids. I will leave and he talks me into coming back.

Yes we did counseling, twice actually. He stormed out of the last counseling session and refused to return. That was over 2 years ago!


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

how long do you stay away? set some ground rules, if you want him to come back. he should go to councling alone, to work out his issues


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

I don't know that I want him to come back. In fact, I really enjoy how peaceful the house has been today and that I am not walking on eggshells. Previously we were separated eight months, my entire pregnancy with my second child. We separated then because of abuse. More recently I left for 8 weeks, but came back. I don't forsee the future being very good for us. I am sure he won't want to come back here either and frankly I don't want to live like this anymore.
Sure wish love had an on and off switch!


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

he left you for the entire preg. that is pretty low, and i am an *******. can you be okay with waking up, going to bed, and being alone on v-day??? really think about it. he does sound like a real peice of work. i would not blame my wife if i did that.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

Yes, he left when he found out I was pregnant with #2 as he did not want any other children. In fact, he filed for divorce at that time on our 4 year anniversary. 
He treats me like crap then tries to buy my love. Now he keeps calling the kids and I am getting irate! He is a trust fund baby and makes loads of money, staying at his dads 2 million + home and I don't even have money for food for my kids. I feel really dumb for putting myself in this position!!!!! I think I am so angry with me!


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

did you sign a prenup?? hope not. i would tell him that if the kids were that important he should send some money so he can take care of them


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

No prenup. He won't send money until he is court ordered to and legally with the ex parte he can not contact me, nor me him as I would violate my own protection order. I doubt I will see any money!


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

get a laywer, there has to be something that can be done. my laywer told me not to send her any money, but i feel bad about that.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

stillhurtin said:


> get a laywer, there has to be something that can be done. my laywer told me not to send her any money, but i feel bad about that.[/QUOTE
> 
> You feel bad because you have a heart and care about your wife and kids! I can't get an attorney because he has all the money!


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

more than i think she knows. should i send her some money, and not say anything about it, then write a letter. your a woman, what could he do to make your heart melt????????


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

I think a letter would be great. I would focus on acknowledging the problems and providing solutions rather than telling her how much you love her. Does she need money? Does she have access to money?


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

i don't think she needs money, yes she does have access. she closed our bank accounts, and moved them into a new one for her. i had to start over with nothing, and lots of bills


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

like i said call someone tomarrow, see what you can get


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

I plan to call in the morning and see if someone can point me in the right direction!
So she took all the money and left you with nothing?


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

Bump! Any advice, suggestions, anything, anyone?


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## Earthmother1970 (Oct 10, 2008)

There is no shame in seeking help when you need it and you have children to worry about. When you are back on your feet, you can do something kind and generous for another.
Leave him, and don't look back! He has proven he will not change, and although he has not physically harmed your children, witnessing his abuse of you will give them a completely dysfunctional view on how a marriage is supposed to work. 

Check your phone books for lawyers who offer free half hour consultations, contact an abused woman shelter for advice, google like crazy for info which may help you, and don't give up trying to forge a better life for you and your children. 

You are strong enough to survive this and thrive afterwards.


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