# Feeling Lonely



## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

My husband and I have been together for 17 years, married for 11. We have 1 child and what I thought was a happy home but lately I’ve felt a major shift on his part and I don’t know what to do. I’m also dealing with some personal issues like losing most of my family due to boundaries I have had to put up because of some issues I have been dealing with since childhood. My parents divorced and both have completely changed for the worst. I’m dealing with a lot of loss in my life and I don’t know if it’s just me and my pain translating into my relationship but I’ve also found info that makes him seems so suspicious:
•Found out he had a one hour long phone call with another woman whom I’ve never heard of before and she’s from work. 
•found out he opened a new savings account with a new bank. Never told me although he just opened it a couple weeks prior
•he works a lot and is never present when he is home (although I am grateful for all his hard work as he is the only one currently working).
•he is not affectionate with me this has been an ongoing problem 
The arguing/bickering is getting extremely tiresome and if I’m feeling it, I know he is too. I love him with all of my heart but lately I don’t know if he does and it’s been very hard on me on top of all my other personal issues. Would love some advice. Thank you <3


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

When in doubt always follow the money. Him opening a savings without telling you is possibly a sign that he’s planning something that he’s going to need access to cash for.
How did you find out and what was his excuse.


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

On our P.C. usually the last person who logged in is the first profile to pop up when re-opening the window. I honestly didn’t realize as it was early morning and was getting my daughter ready for school. My usual routine is to check my e-mail, I realized it was his and one of the unread emails said “congratulations and thank you for opening a savings account with us” etc. I asked him about it and he looked a bit taken aback, guess he wasn’t expecting that to come up but he also didn’t seem to be trying to hide it because he knows I have access to his emails and he has access to mine (we share the P.C.) He said he had just opened it and was going to tell me but it slipped his mind. In his defence he has been working a lot and when we do see each other, we end up in an argument. It has been like this for the past couple of weeks give or take. We also share bank accounts so I looked... and I noticed the first transfer of funds was in fact just a couple weeks ago and only $50. He mentioned he is trying to save money and the whole “out of sight out of mind” theory was mentioned. We’ve been struggling financially as well. Right now he’s the only one working, I stay home to take care of our daughter, she is doing online learning instead of physically going into class thanks to covid and she is immune compromised so it was really no choice but to keep her home. Given the situation I have had to stay home because we have no help from any family and it’s been extremely rough. I do t blame him for wanting to save some money but he’s never opened a whole new account and not told me about. 17 years together, 11 married... should I expect him to tell me before he makes those kinds of decisions? It’s never come up before so I’m not sure how to feel about it.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Don't throw him under the bus over the savings account yet. It's certainly a potential red flag. What you need to do is work on your relationship. Those problems are staring you in the face. If you don't solve those, the savings account is irrelevant. You and he might want to follow Dave Ramsey's teachings on money. Dave will tell you that saving money (except for an emergency fund) makes no sense when you have debt. If you and he don't focus on anything, focus on getting rid of debt, which is the number one cause of divorce in the United States.

It also seems that you need some backbone. You sound like a very sweet but passive person. You have rights and privileges in the marriage, and you deserve respect, so long as you are giving him respect.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I wouldn’t dare make a hidden bank account. I don’t even have online access to our accounts now and I make ~5x what my wife does.

My father on the other hand has had them in the past and may still have them and has been married my whole life. Sometimes it has helped me a lot when I was starting out but I’m pretty sure the real reason he had them was for gambling mostly on sports.

Hard to say with your husband without more information. I have considered skimming to save more money before but I wouldn’t do it with a separate account I would just increase the skim my wife takes now for her “skimming” account.

I wouldn’t talk 1-1 with any women from work for anything longer than a few minutes privately. Back in the days when we went to offices I Mike Pence’d all my 1-1 meetings with women and moved them to public spaces.

As I got to the end of this I realized I do have a couple accounts she doesn’t have access to. PayPal/Venmo. So if I was going to skim it would be super annoying. I’d have to take cash out and then give it to a friend and have them Venmo it back to me.

Edit: Just realized she doesn’t have my Coinbase either going to fix that. The point here was even someone not trying to do anything clandestine can end up with “secret” accounts.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Have you asked him about the hour long phone call? Was it from home? Where were you?


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

Sfort said:


> Don't throw him under the bus over the savings account yet. It's certainly a potential red flag. What you need to do is work on your relationship. Those problems are staring you in the face. If you don't solve those, the savings account is irrelevant. You and he might want to follow Dave Ramsey's teachings on money. Dave will tell you that saving money (except for an emergency fund) makes no sense when you have debt. If you and he don't focus on anything, focus on getting rid of debt, which is the number one cause of divorce in the United States.
> 
> It also seems that you need some backbone. You sound like a very sweet but passive person. You have rights and privileges in the marriage, and you deserve respect, so long as you are giving him respect.


To be honest, the new savings account is the least of my worries but when put together with the hour long phone call with another woman, the snowboarding trip with co-workers (she included) to the place I have always told him I have wanted go but we have not. To her texted him asking him if she left her wallet in his car (were they alone?). Again, this could all have a perfectly good explanation but at the end of the day he has crossed boundaries that should never be crossed as a married man/person. And believe me I normally do defend myself very well, I am actually more aggressive between the two of us in terms of tone but this situation has put me in a place I have never been in before, with him. I feel so uneasy, not myself at all and so pathetically desperate. Worst part is the more I try to control it, the worse I get and the more I ask, poke and argue just digging a deeper hole.


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I wouldn’t dare make a hidden bank account. I don’t even have online access to our accounts now and I make ~5x what my wife does.
> 
> My father on the other hand has had them in the past and may still have them and has been married my whole life. Sometimes it has helped me a lot when I was starting out but I’m pretty sure the real reason he had them was for gambling mostly on sports.
> 
> ...


Very true, you make a valid point and thank you for the bits of humor lol. Like I mentioned to SFort, the account is the least of my worries... I'm more so bothered by the hour long phone call with another woman that kick started this whole issue. Alone, just opening a new bank account 2 weeks prior, I can see him forgetting to tell me by accident. Also I can see him genuinely not thinking it was a bad idea to not consult me first as it's never been a question before and even I don't know how to take it.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Who is the woman?


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Have you asked him about the hour long phone call? Was it from home? Where were you?


Yes I have maybe one too many times lol. He says it was an innocent conversation as friends and that they mainly spoke about another co-worker who likes her and is his friend. Not sure how to take that either because it could be true but also weird because we are in our mid 30s. Talking to someone about someone else who likes them is a bit like middle school behavior although his friend is very shy and awkward. That was his initial response but after the millionth time asking about it, we sat down and talked and he said "Look, I know what it looks like but honestly we were just shooting the **** and it wasn't anything else." Which again still isn't OK because to me a married individual should not be talking on the phone with the opposite sex for that long, not only do I not know her intention, he is now giving her the impression that, that kind of stuff is OK when it isn't. Not to mention, there has been a bit of a disconnect between he and I for a little while now and spending time with him has been near impossible so for him to give 1 hour and 26 minutes to another woman after work, in his car, on the way home is bothersome. I was at home, taking care of our daughter. BTW, it takes 20-30 minutes for him to get home depending on traffic so that means he literally sat in his car just talking to her.


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> Who is the woman?


Some co-worker at his job. From what conversations we do have I know that he is mostly close and spends time with one other co-worker (male) who initially invited him to go snowboarding. This is his first season experiencing snowboarding and really likes it but as far as I knew it was just him and the other male co-worker. He's gone 3X now, season is over though so no more snowboarding but I'm not even sure if this other woman has joined them every time or just this last time... I've never heard of her before this. I mean I'm not a crazy person either, I do encourage his independence and I think having a hobby is very healthy for him too. I am very well aware that I cannot control how many if any women are around him, that's ridiculous and so a group of co-workers getting together to hang out, is totally understandable but that damn phone call has singled out this one particular woman and messed me up. Sad reality is, if a man wants to cheat (or anyone for that matter) they will, doesn't matter how beautiful and perfect you are. it's this thought that keeps running through my mind that makes me feel so uneasy because it could happen to anyone and I am not exempt. I don't want it to be true, I hope it isn't and I've just temporarily lost my mind. I just wish he had more compassion for the situation and tried harder to help me understand what happened and work it out.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

What you need right now is reassurance and peace of mind that your husband isn't being emotionally or physically unfaithful. If he has nothing to hide he should let you look through his text history and call history, emails and whatever else you need from him for reassurance. Don't give him a warning or time to delete anything. Make him do it there and then in front of you. Someone who isn't guilty and with nothing to hide would be ok with this. We all need reassurance at times. Also in case he has already deleted stuff hide a voice recorder under his car seat. Other members can explain this to you as I've never used one before. Your husband knows you are suspicious and could be ahead of his game now deleting stuff and being more careful. That's were a voice recorder can be useful. I hope it's nothing and he was being truthful but you will end up going crazy with thoughts unless you know the truth (((((hugs))))) an ex of mine cheated years ago and one day I will tell my story how I caught him haha. Threw him out the same day. Funny thing is he is my adult sons father and we are good friends now for our sons sake.

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Do they text?


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> What you need right now is reassurance and peace of mind that your husband isn't being emotionally or physically unfaithful. If he has nothing to hide he should let you look through his text history and call history, emails and whatever else you need from him for reassurance. Don't give him a warning or time to delete anything. Make him do it there and then in front of you. Someone who isn't guilty and with nothing to hide would be ok with this. We all need reassurance at times. Also in case he has already deleted stuff hide a voice recorder under his car seat. Other members can explain this to you as I've never used one before. Your husband knows you are suspicious and could be ahead of his game now deleting stuff and being more careful. That's were a voice recorder can be useful. I hope it's nothing and he was being truthful but you will end up going crazy with thoughts unless you know the truth (((((hugs))))) an ex of mine cheated years ago and one day I will tell my story how I caught him haha. Threw him out the same day. Funny thing is he is my adult sons father and we are good friends now for our sons sake.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


That is exactly what I need, reassurance. How do I let him know that without coming off like a crazy person because that's essentially what he's making me feel like which makes him look even more guilty. To me that's him trying to manipulate the narrative of what's happening and flipping it, now I'm the bad guy for not trusting him in the first place. He's not even particularly good and manipulation or conversation for that matter which is another issue we have, trying to communicate with him is like talking to a wall, I get nothing back, he never knows what to say.. it's a mess, a very frustrating mess.
Interesting about the voice recorder. Let's say for arguments sake he is in fact telling me the truth, something happens and he finds the recorder... what if that pushes him over the edge and I lose him for good? He's a realist and he would just look at that situation like "well if you don't trust me this much then what's the point" and he'll feel violated. Is that a violation? I don't know, I'm at a loss again and I hate that I'm even at this point of questioning him at all. This has never been an issue before, 17 years and he's never made me feel like he would be capable of something like this until now.


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> Do they text?


That part I don't know. I have looked through his phone and the only time she comes up is in a group text between him, her and another male co-worker.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

LittleAvocado said:


> That part I don't know. I have looked through his phone and the only time she comes up is in a group text between him, her and another male co-worker.


Have you looked at your carriers phone log?


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> Have you looked at your carriers phone log?


No, we pay all our bills online... he pays the phone bills and are under his name so I'm not even sure how to gain access to that.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

LittleAvocado said:


> No, we pay all our bills online... he pays the phone bills and are under his name so I'm not even sure how to gain access to that.


The plan has to have a password. 
He could easily delete any messages between them.
The log will tell you that is happening.


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> The plan has to have a password.
> He could easily delete any messages between them.
> The log will tell you that is happening.


So he has it automatic to log in, I can view the bill but where do I find the log? I'm looking through everything and nothing shows a detailed log of calls/texts... nothing.


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

LittleAvocado said:


> So he has it automatic to log in, I can view the bill but where do I find the log? I'm looking through everything and nothing shows a detailed log of calls/texts... nothing.


Never mind, found it. Now I have to figure out who's number it is lol. Thank you for your help.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

LittleAvocado said:


> So he has it automatic to log in, I can view the bill but where do I find the log? I'm looking through everything and nothing shows a detailed log of calls/texts... nothing.


It would be under a header of usage


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> It would be under a header of usage


Thank you for your help.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

LittleAvocado said:


> That is exactly what I need, reassurance. How do I let him know that without coming off like a crazy person because that's essentially what he's making me feel like which makes him look even more guilty. To me that's him trying to manipulate the narrative of what's happening and flipping it, now I'm the bad guy for not trusting him in the first place. He's not even particularly good and manipulation or conversation for that matter which is another issue we have, trying to communicate with him is like talking to a wall, I get nothing back, he never knows what to say.. it's a mess, a very frustrating mess.
> Interesting about the voice recorder. Let's say for arguments sake he is in fact telling me the truth, something happens and he finds the recorder... what if that pushes him over the edge and I lose him for good? He's a realist and he would just look at that situation like "well if you don't trust me this much then what's the point" and he'll feel violated. Is that a violation? I don't know, I'm at a loss again and I hate that I'm even at this point of questioning him at all. This has never been an issue before, 17 years and he's never made me feel like he would be capable of something like this until now.


Good point about voice recorder. Hopefully someone else with experience can give you advice on that. When I caught my ex cheating he never had the women's names on his phone, he had put them in as codes lol. I caught him because early hours one night his alarm for work went off and I couldn't wake him. He forgot to turn it off because he was off that day. I didn't want the baby woken up so I took his phone to the bathroom to figure out how to turn it off. On the screen was a message and a funny code, not a name. I opened it and it was a dirty text from another woman haha. I went into his phone book got her phone number and saw lots of other numbers with codes. I couldn't look any more I'd seen enough so I rang the lady the next morning from my own phone. What she told me was very interesting and we weren't aware of each other. She messaged me all his texts and proof of phone calls and I put my plan into place haha. If a man/woman is not cheating then they should voluntarily give you what you need for reassurance. They shouldn't get angry if nothing to hide. They may feel hurt that for some reason you don't trust them but they should want to fix it, reassure you and work together on getting that trust back. We are human and we do need that reassurance every now and then. Even the happiest couples need reassurance every once in a while. The longer you have this on your mind the worse you will feel.

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

LittleAvocado said:


> Thank you for your help.


Find anything?


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

LittleAvocado said:


> That is exactly what I need, reassurance. How do I let him know that without coming off like a crazy person because that's essentially what he's making me feel like which makes him look even more guilty. To me that's him trying to manipulate the narrative of what's happening and flipping it, now I'm the bad guy for not trusting him in the first place. He's not even particularly good and manipulation or conversation for that matter which is another issue we have, trying to communicate with him is like talking to a wall, I get nothing back, he never knows what to say.. it's a mess, a very frustrating mess.
> Interesting about the voice recorder. Let's say for arguments sake he is in fact telling me the truth, something happens and he finds the recorder... what if that pushes him over the edge and I lose him for good? He's a realist and he would just look at that situation like "well if you don't trust me this much then what's the point" and he'll feel violated. Is that a violation? I don't know, I'm at a loss again and I hate that I'm even at this point of questioning him at all. This has never been an issue before, 17 years and he's never made me feel like he would be capable of something like this until now.


How do I let him know that without coming off like a crazy person because that's essentially what he's making me feel like which makes him look even more guilty. To me that's him trying to manipulate the narrative of what's happening and flipping it, now I'm the bad guy for not trusting him in the first place.

My ex (husband) did this all the time and lots more. It got so bad I thought I was losing my mind. I could write so much about his mental, emotional and verbal abuse but will do another post on that. It got so bad I was close to admitting myself to a mental hospital. Start documenting things he says to you or twists so you can go back and read it and know you're not going crazy. 

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LittleAvocado said:


> Yes I have maybe one too many times lol. He says it was an innocent conversation as friends and that they mainly spoke about another co-worker who likes her and is his friend. Not sure how to take that either because it could be true but also weird because we are in our mid 30s. Talking to someone about someone else who likes them is a bit like middle school behavior although his friend is very shy and awkward. That was his initial response but after the millionth time asking about it, we sat down and talked and he said "Look, I know what it looks like but honestly we were just shooting the **** and it wasn't anything else." Which again still isn't OK because to me a married individual should not be talking on the phone with the opposite sex for that long, not only do I not know her intention, he is now giving her the impression that, that kind of stuff is OK when it isn't. Not to mention, there has been a bit of a disconnect between he and I for a little while now and spending time with him has been near impossible so for him to give 1 hour and 26 minutes to another woman after work, in his car, on the way home is bothersome. I was at home, taking care of our daughter. BTW, it takes 20-30 minutes for him to get home depending on traffic so that means he literally sat in his car just talking to her.


So if she is a work colleague who he had just seen at work, why does he then need to spend soooo long talking to her on the phone?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Have you asked him about these three snowboarding trips and who went each time? Was it just the two men and her? How long was the trip?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Is your name on the new bank account? Have you checked to find out. If not, red flag he's got something planned.


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> Good point about voice recorder. Hopefully someone else with experience can give you advice on that. When I caught my ex cheating he never had the women's names on his phone, he had put them in as codes lol. I caught him because early hours one night his alarm for work went off and I couldn't wake him. He forgot to turn it off because he was off that day. I didn't want the baby woken up so I took his phone to the bathroom to figure out how to turn it off. On the screen was a message and a funny code, not a name. I opened it and it was a dirty text from another woman haha. I went into his phone book got her phone number and saw lots of other numbers with codes. I couldn't look any more I'd seen enough so I rang the lady the next morning from my own phone. What she told me was very interesting and we weren't aware of each other. She messaged me all his texts and proof of phone calls and I put my plan into place haha. If a man/woman is not cheating then they should voluntarily give you what you need for reassurance. They shouldn't get angry if nothing to hide. They may feel hurt that for some reason you don't trust them but they should want to fix it, reassure you and work together on getting that trust back. We are human and we do need that reassurance every now and then. Even the happiest couples need reassurance every once in a while. The longer you have this on your mind the worse you will feel.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


Wow that is awful, I'm so sorry he put you through so much. I've always wondered what the point of cheating was. If I felt like cheating I would know right away that my marriage is over and given the fact that I have spent so many years with him and we have a daughter, I would be especially careful not to string him along and make the difficult changes in order to not break his heart twice and that of our child's. Cheating to me is cowardly and selfish, why spend so much energy juggling two women when men can barely handle one. Cheating is the dumbest thing anyone can do and it sounds tiring. I truly hope I'm wrong about all my suspicions, I just want to go back to loving each other again.


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> Find anything?


A suspicious number I don't recognize. Unfortunately there's no name. Now I just have to find a way to call (maybe a friend can) and see if it is a woman's voice and if her name is the same as the co-worker.


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Have you asked him about these three snowboarding trips and who went each time? Was it just the two men and her? How long was the trip?


Exactly, that's what I'm wondering too. I didn't ask about the first two trips because I just assumed it was him and his buddy from work since that's the only name he gave me. After finding out about the last trip when this woman also went... I asked again and he said it was a few people from work. He always goes for the same amount of time. Usually leaves around 8-9am and would come back around 5-6pm except with this last one... they went to a different ski resort (the one I have always wanted to go to - no I don't ski or snowboard but the resort is a tourist attraction too) which was a little further so he left around 7am and came back around 8pm.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

LittleAvocado said:


> A suspicious number I don't recognize. Unfortunately there's no name. Now I just have to find a way to call (maybe a friend can) and see if it is a woman's voice and if her name is the same as the co-worker.


Is it a number texted to often?


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> Is it a number texted to often?


Well the call log only shows me numbers he's called not texted but yes, it's a number that he calls and gets calls from often and for long periods of time. Not sure who is on the other end but I'm going to find out.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

LittleAvocado said:


> Well the call log only shows me numbers he's called not texted but yes, it's a number that he calls and gets calls from often and for long periods of time. Not sure who is on the other end but I'm going to find out.


You cant see texts?
Have you tried to use the white pages reverse lookup?
I also have Spokeo, you could DM me the number and I can search it if you like.


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> You cant see texts?
> Have you tried to use the white pages reverse lookup?
> I also have Spokeo, you could DM me the number and I can search it if you like.


Thank you, I found out it was her. I confronted him about it sooo many incoming and outgoing calls between them and yet he swears they were just friendly conversations. I asked why he would risk so much just to talk to her, why he would be so sneaky about it too. He said said he knew I would react negatively about it. Still it doesn't sit right with me


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

LittleAvocado said:


> Thank you, I found out it was her. I confronted him about it sooo many incoming and outgoing calls between them and yet he swears they were just friendly conversations. I asked why he would risk so much just to talk to her, why he would be so sneaky about it too. He said said he knew I would react negatively about it. Still it doesn't sit right with me


He's right. Most spouses react negatively when they first learn that their spouse is having or is about to have an affair.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Very sorry that you find yourself on here. He is so wrong, even if it is just a friendship. Doesn’t he see the irony of saying he hid the phone calls because he knew you would react negatively about it?

If he knew you would react negatively, why did he still do it? You are right, by doing so, he puts these phone calls and whatever type of relationship he had with this other woman before you, his family and his marriage.

You are being dumped on here from a great height, particularly as he knows about your other family issues. Not saying he is having an affair, just saying he is not treating you with the care, support and respect you deserve.

What do you know about this woman? Do you know who she is, if she is married, whether they work closely together and their relative positions in the company?

Sorry, but I would have real trust issues here and I think you are right to challenge him on this. Now that he is aware you know all about the phone calls, do you think he will be a lot more careful about how he communicates with this woman to keep it away from you?

You have asked him why he would risk so much? Does he actually understand what divorce would cost him in financial terms? 

He is obviously taking you far too much for granted, Let him do his own laundry and cook his own meals. Find yourself some interests or go out with friends that leave him at home.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

LittleAvocado said:


> Thank you, I found out it was her. I confronted him about it sooo many incoming and outgoing calls between them and yet he swears they were just friendly conversations. I asked why he would risk so much just to talk to her, why he would be so sneaky about it too. He said said he knew I would react negatively about it. Still it doesn't sit right with me


My STBXH said the exact same thing when I caught on. Turns out he was having an affair. I will bet my last nickel he is cheating on you.


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## LittleAvocado (Apr 11, 2021)

Sfort said:


> He's right. Most spouses react negatively when they first learn that their spouse is having or is about to have an affair.


No, He's referring to it in terms of them just being friends, as if I would react in a jealous manner because he's talking to another woman. Thing is, he doesn't talk that often or for that long to his male friends and ya guys don't talk that much but the amount of incoming and outgoing calls some back to back with 30 minutes or more... he's teetering on the edge of temptation. Also, of course the spouse would get mad... we are the spouse... there is a certain level of boundaries that should be maintained when you're married unless it's been talked about or agreed or you're swingers, then that's a different story but 17 years of the these well known expectations as part of our relationship, he knows what I would and would not accept.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

OP, people obviously agree that your husband’s actions are, at the very least, totally inappropriate and, at worse, are the prelude to something far worse.

Having established this, what next?

In my view, you should be using this time to start protecting yourself now for the future to avoid being caught unprepared if your husband does have an affair with this woman. If he does, then you have a plan B you can implement from day 1. If he doesn’t, well what have you lost?

Others on here can you give you very good advice on the steps you can take but I do think this is a good time to think about finding a lawyer, working out what financial safeguards you need to put in place, what you are going to do about the house etc.

Red flags all over the place here. It may be nothing but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

OP....use skydialer.com

You can put in cell numbers and it will usually come up with a name.

I've used it many times.

Keep I'm mind that it only works for cell numbers, not landlines.


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