# Wife told me she wanted to sleep with other men...



## Corum (Jun 7, 2012)

In a fight my wife said - "_I want to have sex, but now with you_" and later "_If you lower your libido [to match hers] then I will find someone else to sleep with_".

She said this almost a year ago and it still rings in my head...why? Because it was very hurtful and she has never really accepted responsibility for it. If I bring it up as a reason why I am a bit wary to trust her she gets mad and blames me.
Why am I being blamed for something like that? I think if I had the nuts for it I should have walked out then...but I didn't.

Am I wrong; should I just let this slip into the past?

Why it concerns me:
My wife was VERY active sexually in her 43 years before me. Know that scene in "Four weddings in a Funeral" where Andie McDowell counts her lovers..? I'm Hugh Grant. Now she is not. Probably menopause though...

She lied about always being "safe" before me. I now carry high-risk HPV and would have had chlamydia if I wasn't always on doxycillin.

She lied about a facebook friend. First he was just a friend, then she admitted she had sex with him then she admitted he was a "boyfriend". He was from before me...but it took two years to get the full truth out and to drop him.

Her morals are much looser than mine. i admit I am a bit of a prude, but i wouldn't sleep with a co-worker just for fun.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Corum,

You have some serious issies to deal with here. First and foremost, I think you are very insecure with the fact that she's been much more sexually active in her life than you were. Perhaps some IC is in order for you to deal with this insecurity?

More troubling is that your wife lied to you about her past sex life and exposed you to STDs. Heck, sounds like she gave you one!

Having also lied about her previous BF and sex partner, she should now send him a no contact letter and remove him from Facebook and any other social media or email.

I also think the two of you desperately need MC to deal with all these issues


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Ouch. Sorry to hear this stuff. When you hook up with someone for te first time sexually and they seem as if they have been there a million times, that would send red flags to me if I wanted it to be more tan dating and banging. 

It's of course more difficult when you're in your 40s as opposed to 20s, so I am not passing any judgement. 

If you want to stay, then use her high sex drive to your advantage. Go to swingers clubs, try to hook up a FFM threesome and even gofr an open relationship. It sounds as if she has already made up her mind, so perhaps you can have the best of both worlds. 

I know this is a radical suggestion, but become that bad boy that she seems to be looking for.


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## Corum (Jun 7, 2012)

Fortunately my wife did not cheat...just said these things.
The fact that she thinks it is no big deal is also a real kicker.

I am insecure a bit about her past, but it is more my aversion to such behavior, not comparison to other men. If she had told me before I fell in love with her we would probably not be married. Unfortunately I fall deep and loose myself...and my better judgement. No sense regretting that though. Its her words that sting now. Combined with her history is what makes me concerned.


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## Liam (Nov 13, 2009)

She is being very disrespectful to you, in my opinion. I think she needs to accept responsibility for the hurtful things she said to you(even though they were in the heat of the moment). Maybe then, your sex life is something you can work on together and with no mention of anyone else OUTSIDE the marriage. Best of luck


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Okay Corum, take what I'm about to say as somewhat serious, and somewhat with a pinch of humor.

Do you know a friend (male) who's very strong, self confident, you know, the guy with brass balls. What would HE do if HIS wife acted like that. Now go out and COPY HIM!!


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

There's something I'm not getting here.

She gave you HPV? Did she tell you she had and STD before you guys hooked up? She had chlamdyida and still had sex with you and you only fought it off cause you were on Doxy? Why are you always on doxy? Why did she not get tested for STD's before hooking up with you?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Personally, if my husband told me, whether in anger or not, that he wanted to sleep with other women, I would say, "That's fine. Go ahead and sleep with other women. But when you do, don't come back to me." I wouldn't even put up with him SAYING it, let alone DOING it!


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Personally, if my husband told me, whether in anger or not, that he wanted to sleep with other women, I would say, "That's fine. Go ahead and sleep with other women. But when you do, don't come back to me." I wouldn't even put up with him SAYING it, let alone DOING it!


Doing it would be much worse. Once he's out there rolling around with other women (?), when he comes back, you would know no more about his history than you would with somebody you just met.
I know this from experience.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

That was the last straw in my relationship with my narcissitic ex. He thought he was God's gift to women and wanted sex daily if not more and would get pissy if I was in a hurry to get to work on time and wouldn't have sex so one morning he said "If you won't give it to me someone will - don't think I'll wait around forever" (having had sex 2 days before and rarely going 3 without sex). I told him "Fine, if you can find someone else who wants it, go for it."

Not cool to threaten the sanctity of a marriage.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

sure go ahead just don't come back!!


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

delete


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Liam said:


> She is being very disrespectful to you, in my opinion. I think she needs to accept responsibility for the hurtful things she said to you(even though they were in the heat of the moment). Maybe then, your sex life is something you can work on together and with no mention of anyone else OUTSIDE the marriage. Best of luck


 :iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Ugh! This post reminds me of the poor guy when his wife got mad at him and said she cheated on him 15 YEAR AGO!


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## fortheloveofit2 (Oct 1, 2012)

Corum said:


> In a fight my wife said - "_I want to have sex, but now with you_" and later "_If you lower your libido [to match hers] then I will find someone else to sleep with_".
> 
> She said this almost a year ago and it still rings in my head...why? Because it was very hurtful and she has never really accepted responsibility for it. If I bring it up as a reason why I am a bit wary to trust her she gets mad and blames me.
> Why am I being blamed for something like that? I think if I had the nuts for it I should have walked out then...but I didn't.
> ...


Has your wife ever said "she doesnt love you." Marriage is supposed to be based on love. A love that you can not explain that you just feel. I would consider talking to your wife and try to join in on her extra sexual activities. Its obvious that she wants to still be married to you.


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## Corum (Jun 7, 2012)

I see a few things I did not make clear here:
1)She does not REALLY want to sleep with other men; she said it to hurt me and it did. My dilemma is should I take it so personally and should I let it effect my trust for her. I always think there is a grain of truth in even angry moments...I also know I over-analyse.
2) Her STDs only appeared after being togther for almost two years. NO she never cheated.
3) I am on doxy for acne control due to my HRT causing oily skin.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

1) Yes it should affect your trust in her. 
2)Why are you sure she never cheated?
3) Her STD's appeared after being with you?? How do you know she didn't contract them while she was with you??
4)Please don't tell me it's because she said so.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

She's lied to you about many things for many years.

She's active sexually and talks about being with other guys.

It's nice to hear that you're sure she hasn't cheated on you however if she has cheated on you, you'd be the last one to know.


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## Corum (Jun 7, 2012)

jfv said:


> 1) Yes it should affect your trust in her.
> 2)Why are you sure she never cheated?
> 3) Her STD's appeared after being with you?? How do you know she didn't contract them while she was with you??
> 4)Please don't tell me it's because she said so.


She never cheated on me. 

Not only do -yes- I believe her, but she has absolutely no opportunity to do so even if I didn't.
We live together, work together, and hardly ever go out alone (maybe once every six months). She makes no phone calls or texts other than to family and utility companies. I am away for 1.5 hours 3x a week at the gym; a little less for her. I have checked her phone just to cover my bases. 

Also she WAS sexually active. She is pre-menopausal and is at risk for CC because of the HPV so she has slowed down to a glacial pace.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Me: "HOT HOT HOT"
Wifey: -.-
Me: "Oh come ON! It'll be great fun!"
Wifey: -.-
Me: "I love the thought of you..." *SLAAAAAAAAAP*

OK IT'S LIKE THIS NOW IS IT?! NOW ITS ON B---H!!! 
*Make up sex*

Later...
Errr... yeah, fk sharing


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

Women play head games like that all the time. She is basically telling you that to get in your head.


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## Dubya (Oct 2, 2012)

You have every right to be wary and she needs to own up to what she said. She's got a hole to climb out of. I'm worried that his will just eat at you as resentment builds unless it is resolved.

Good luck


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

Corum said:


> In a fight my wife said - "_I want to have sex, but now with you_" and later "_If you lower your libido [to match hers] then I will find someone else to sleep with_".
> 
> She said this almost a year ago and it still rings in my head...why? Because it was very hurtful and she has never really accepted responsibility for it. If I bring it up as a reason why I am a bit wary to trust her she gets mad and blames me.
> Why am I being blamed for something like that? I think if I had the nuts for it I should have walked out then...but I didn't.
> ...


 Are you living your life everyday thinking this might be the day she is gonna cheat? I'm sorry but prepare yourself. When someone is threatening that they will sleep with someone and have done this before in the past, (exposing you to all the infections/viruses/Std's shes had) its almost like she is trying to justify/warn you this time around.

If my spouse is bold enough to say something like this to me, his words are present tense and not future in my eyes...


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