# I'm just going with the flow ....my vent space indeed



## Catch22gofigure2

Ok some of you know me well from before. For whatever reason I am having major issues staying logged into my other account Catch22gofigure, so I just created a new profile. Decided to come back here after over a year of separation. The tables have turned indeed. However, I am not at the point where I want to be; but have made great progress from over a year ago...well in some areas of my life. This marriage thing. I don't know. I have failed to go ahead and file, that I have many reasons for. Here is the link to my old post that and profile for those who want to catch up on where I have come from up to where we are today.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation/72673-ok-now-im-really-confused-one-ugggh.html

Heres the update. 
I moved out. After many different waves of emotions and many tears shed... I felt it best that I do so. I silently planned after obtaining a great full time job.. to leave. He came home from work one night asking where myself and the children were and I told him that I was home. I had gotten myself a place ...took none of the marital property and started all over. I did not let him know where me I was staying and would drop off the one child still home at his moms for visits. I guess you know that the kid told him where we lived. I came home one day and he was here. And has been doing the same behaviors that he displayed back when we first separated. Hovering, never wanting to talk about us.. blah blah blah... well I have done and said all in my power shy of a restraining order to let him know that his behavior is unacceptable. For a short while he started to do as I asked. He started seeing a OW. I did not make mention of it or nothing. Allowing him to just go on even though I know that In my heart I love and want my marriage. However, I did not sit back and just take it. I too found a "friend". Well once the husband found out about this he was ballistic. Doing everything in his power but talk and us work out our difference. Til this day he now is looking me over with a fine eye with what seems to be an attempt to point out my flaws. See the tables have turned. I now have a great job and a new leash on life , back in school; just a lot of great things going on ...except for this marriage. 
Everyone still tells me that this man loves me and that I need to just be the bigger person and take him back. I just don't know if I should this easy. Its been a year. We have not spoken in the last four days. He came in criticizing me about something petty... in my house, and I let him know in an text that it won't be allowed. That I have told him this over and over that he does not have the role in my life any longer with us separated to dictate such things. He did not respond. Now comes by and gets the kid without coming in and I am just in limbo...yet again. 
He is not on his high horse that he was though. Lost his apt two months after me moving out, got another apartment where he went in too hastily and lost that, has bill collectors calling me for him. He struggles to make his vehicle payments But ...remember those of you who have been with me the whole ride... he had it in his head that he did everything. I have no doubt that he will eventually bounce back. Its just that I feel like at this point that he sees how our situation and separation have affected everything
I don't really want the "you should give ups " and so on.. this is just a place for me to vent. Don't get me wrong , I do welcome comments and thoughts on this situation. And yes if requested I will give more details. Just trying to get this post started so that I can quick reply from my tablet and not this desktop that I hate sitting at..lol


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## Tron

So, after separating, you both sought out other partners?

Wonder if he was able to get it up for her. 

Are those relationships still going?

Seems like you are out to hurt each other. How much of this are the kids witnessing?

Most folks would tell you to stick a fork in it and file. What is holding you back?


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## Catch22gofigure2

I wasnt out to hurt him. I honestly thought we were done. We were co parenting well for a while. No issues. I sought an attorney and then he started saying that its too early for that. That was over the course of about 3 months.The two oldest have their own places only one child still at home. I haven't filed yet because honestly the one child at home started to act funny when I made mention of it. Also, the more I resist his adcances and tomfoolery. ,.the more his mouth moves about his feelings toward me and us. My heart and life is at a point where im prepared to go either way. Im standing on scriptures that ive found to let the lords will be done. I want my marriage and love my husband, i just am not as fragile anymore and refuse to just settle. I am not goung to see other people anymore. Not because of him..,but because im focusing on my schooling and ither life goals right now. Thats why i say im just going with the flow. Im not working o the marriage other than seeking advice and making sure that im doing all that I shoukd do. Its time now for him to show me his work. I feel he'll either go harder or give up. Either way im ok with.


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## Mr.Fisty

Keep him out of your home, he does not have a right to be there. Limit your contact to him. You are engaging too much, which also is keeping you hooked. You're in the mess you are in because you allow him in your personal sphere too much.

Look at it logically, you keep a snake in your life, and it spreads its poison, and you are wondering why your situation is crappy.

The only thing that should matter is the child and only what the child needs to grow. That is it. The more you allow him into other parts of your life, the more strife he creates.

Without you, he has lost some stability, which is an element you represent. It is not your love that he misses, but the other things you have provided. He is still a dysfunctional person and he is making your life, you, dysfunctional as well. Without him, there was less chaos in your life.


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## Absurdist

I just read your old thread and now this one. You are not going along with the flow. You are treading water until you tire, sink and drown.

You need to end this. Nothing can me more soul sapping and unhealthy as limbo.


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## Catch22gofigure2

Thanks for your comments. Maybe, not doubting at all that this could be the case. Why do I feel so at peace about it all is what I'm asking myself? I get out all the time now, have even made shine great new friends, regained my independence and excelling in class. Life is good right now other than the fact that im separated. ..before I was a mess altogether.


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## Catch22gofigure2

Today this man asked if I thought counseling would work for us...wow. I've only been saying this for like uhhh the last almost 2|YEARS !! I responded with...that it wont hurt to try. He turned into a deer in headlights. He has to set it up and all...or im not buying it...why now would he mention this? As if I've never said it before


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## Dude007

He is grieving end of marriage and "bargaining" stage where he is right now. It's over and you both know it.


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## Tron

Catch22gofigure2 said:


> Today this man asked if I thought counseling would work for us...wow. I've only been saying this for like uhhh the last almost 2|YEARS !! I responded with...that it wont hurt to try. He turned into a deer in headlights. He has to set it up and all...or im not buying it...why now would he mention this? As if I've never said it before


Let him make the arrangements. If he decides to do the work then maybe there is something left. Both of you make a commitment to do at least 6 sessions and see where it goes.


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