# Scheduled Sex



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I was always against scheduled sex. To me it seemed unexciting. Given that we are both in our 50's with many things going on, it was always difficult to fit in sex. I told my wife that I would be happy with twice per week. We started on a Tuesday night and followed up Friday night. 6 months later we have done it EVERY Tuesday and EVERY Friday. We call it Sexy Tuesday and Freaky Friday.

What I thought was going to be a boring "must have sex" on such and such date has turned out to be a big blessing. After a time it seems like your body gets used to sex on certain days. It's a routine habit that we both enjoy. Regardless of circumstance we seem to always make it work. When it's a Tues. or Fri we both know that sex is going to happen. If she is on her period I get a BJTC.

Even the kids are starting to figure it out. They see a bottle of wine out on the table on Tues or see us go to bed early on Fri, they just KNOW what's going on. They hide from us.

It is SO much better for me because on the off days I simply do not think about sex with my wife, as much. In the past I never knew when it might happen. Was she going to be ready or not ?? It caused great anxiety for both of us. Now, we don't even talk about it. We just KNOW if it's a Tuesday or Friday, sex is on.

I make certain she always gets her orgasm. If I have to bring out the lawn mower or power tools, I'll do whatever it takes. Her having at least 1 orgasm twice a week on specific days has trained her body to desire an orgasm on those days. I can tell she really looks forward to it.

If you have never tried this, I recommend highly. It seemed to take about 1 month to become habitual.

It also eliminates the initiation process. I don't initiate AT ALL. The day initiates FOR me.


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## FascinatingLady (Mar 6, 2016)

Awesome! It sounds great to me. I used to try every other day, but that is not possible anymore. My husband works away from home so I only see him on weekends. 

Sent from my LGL31L using Tapatalk


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

FascinatingLady said:


> Awesome! It sounds great to me. I used to try every other day, but that is not possible anymore. My husband works away from home so I only see him on weekends.
> 
> Sent from my LGL31L using Tapatalk


The part I love is that I don't have to come up with creative sex initiations. This used to drive me crazy! Also, it allows both partners to masturbate when and if they want to without interfering with sex because you know when sex is going to happen. 
The structure of scheduled sex actually gave us both more freedom and peace, which is asss backwards to me, but it's true.

Keep in mind that we have been married 25 years. I have tried many different methods and this seems to work well, for us.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

We have had scheduled sex for the past 10 or 12 years. Always on Sunday afternoon and some type of sexual activity once during the week, might be PIV or not, but something.
It works for us. Like you say, at least I know we are having sex on Sunday.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

peacem said:


> I must say when we were having dire problems (to the point of no sex at all) it was scheduled sex that put us back on track. I never really felt it was unexciting - in fact quite the opposite. Because I knew we were going to have sex I would be thinking about it all day and by the evening feeling very sexual which in turn made sex more exciting and adventurous.
> 
> If both partners are into it and reliably trustworthy then I agree that it is a good thing. If one partner is likely to go hot and cold then it may lead to frustration. It might be something a couple could try as a temporary fix or to get them into the habit of being regularly intimate, and hopefully it leads onto more spontaneous passion for the future.


After 6 months of this I noticed that on some scheduled days we are both tired and not really into it....at first. If we both give it that college try, it seems that it always ends well. To me, that's golden.
I can trust that she will give it her best and she knows I will too.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

UMP said:


> It also eliminates the initiation process. I don't initiate AT ALL. The day initiates FOR me.


If I may ask, knowing that sex is scheduled, does this alter your porn viewing habits? If so, would you expand on the topic. I'm sure women would be interested in hearing a candid answer to this...

Badsanta


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

badsanta said:


> If I may ask, knowing that sex is scheduled, does this alter your porn viewing habits? If so, would you expand on the topic. I'm sure women would be interested in hearing a candid answer to this...
> 
> Badsanta


As I have said in the past I still view porn regularly. In fact, I typically view it more the day of or the day before sex to get my mind lusting after my wife more. The key is not to orgasm if you are masturbating. This results in pent up sexual energy that I transfer to my wife.

If I am going to masturbate to conclusion I will typically do it on a Saturday because our "on" days are Tuesday and Friday so it gives me 3 days to recover.

I got it all down to a science:smile2:


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Ladies, please do not conclude that all men need to view porn to build up sexual energy to transfer to their wife :surprise:


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

anonmd said:


> Ladies, please do not conclude that all men need to view porn to build up sexual energy to transfer to their wife :surprise:


True, but after 25 years of marriage, one massive heart attack, 7 cardioversions, 3 atrial fibrillation oblations, citalopram, Ativan, Plavix, Lipitor, metoprolol, I need all the motivation I can get.
50mg of Viagra, Androjel, wine and some porn get me to where I want to be. 

I actually pump my self up mentally and physically.(not my penis) It's almost like getting ready for a big football game when I was playing in college. I want to PERFORM my best. I want my wife to completely lose herself in me. For me to do that, for me to succeed with that after 25 years of marriage, I need ALL the help I can get.

I'm not just trying to have sex, I'm trying to give my wife the very best orgasm/s she has ever had, every time. So much so that I rate every single experience on a spread sheet. This is not something I take lightly :grin2:

I am trying to become a sex ninja and it is Tuesday, so it's GO time.

Maybe I should change my sig to "Robodiick"


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

UMP said:


> As I have said in the past I still view porn regularly. In fact, I typically view it more the day of or the day before sex to get my mind lusting after my wife more. The key is not to orgasm if you are masturbating. *This results in pent up sexual energy that I transfer to my wife.*
> 
> If I am going to masturbate to conclusion I will typically do it on a Saturday because our "on" days are Tuesday and Friday so it gives me 3 days to recover.
> 
> I got it all down to a science:smile2:





anonmd said:


> *Ladies, please do not conclude that all men need to view porn to build up sexual energy to transfer to their wife :surprise:*


 @anonmd All men watch porn, and all men transfer the respective sexual tension to our partners! It is why we are always ready to go at a moment's notice. Some men are just better and more ethical at doing this than others. Those who do not shame themselves learn to incorporate the idea of their wives into the mind's eye of good old fashion porno fantasies! 

I might see something in porn, and tell my wife, "OMG I am going to imagine you doing that to me!" "What is that?" "You do NOT want to allow me to think of you that way!" "Sorry, too late!" (Big smile!)

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

UMP said:


> I'm not just trying to have sex, I'm trying to give my wife the very best orgasm/s she has ever had, every time. * So much so that I rate every single experience on a spread sheet.* This is not something I take lightly :grin2:


Uh Oh! :surprise:
@UMP has your wife seen this spreadsheet, and do you allow her to correct your data for accuracy?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

i never liked the idea of having scheduled sex, and bauched at it.

however as my wife got too busy at work, started working so late and we had problems getting together during the week, 
Saturday mornings have become our scheduled time. it does work out quite well, and iv'e changed my attitude about the whole thing.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

badsanta said:


> Uh Oh! :surprise:
> 
> @UMP has your wife seen this spreadsheet, and do you allow her to correct your data for accuracy?


No, she does not know. She does ask ME when she is going to start her period. I keep that info too. How many days late or early, etc. The spreadsheet rates each experience. What we did and is rated on a scale of 1 - 10 also tabulates how many days in between. It's interesting to go back and see the improvement.

Actually, we did not verbally agree to Tuesday and Friday. It just happened that way. I looked back on my spreadsheet and realized it's been over 6 months EVERY Tuesday and EVERY Friday. It became a habit. That's the kind of habit I can live with.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

What ever works! :grin2:

Won't work for us, as I travel and am away often, and sometimes for a month or more. 
Don't need to schedule when I get home. It's a given!

:smile2:


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

OliviaG said:


> I can see where the anticipation would be fun. Reminds me of pre-marriage anticipation, when you knew you could only be together on certain days.


Which brings something to mind. I go to an old fashion Baptist church in the states. There was a wedding this past Saturday. They get married, walk down the isle and go straight into this room and lock the door. They were in there a LONG time, with hundreds of people just outside the door.

Has anyone ever heard of such a thing??

It is difficult to believe that they did not have sex while dating. This was the guys second marriage, first for the woman.
I guess they could not wait :laugh:


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

UMP said:


> No, she does not know.


Will you please post it in the form of a bar graph for us here at TAM to all see? Please query the report to primarily include hours of sexual tension from watching porn transferred to wife, and the respective increased enjoyment of your wife. 

If you are unwilling to share, just include the diminishing point of return of time needed for watching porn to economize your wife's enjoyment. I'm guessing about 15 minutes is all it takes?

Part of me is messing with you, part of me not so much! :grin2:

I actually would be interested in any conclusions you have drawn from your data?

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

All I can say is speak for yourself. 

Do I watch porn, sure. For me that is totally separate from my desire and thoughts about my wife. 






badsanta said:


> @anonmd All men watch porn, and all men transfer the respective sexual tension to our partners! It is why we are always ready to go at a moment's notice. Some men are just better and more ethical at doing this than others. Those who do not shame themselves learn to incorporate the idea of their wives into the mind's eye of good old fashion porno fantasies!
> 
> I might see something in porn, and tell my wife, "OMG I am going to imagine you doing that to me!" "What is that?" "You do NOT want to allow me to think of you that way!" "Sorry, too late!" (Big smile!)
> 
> ...


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

badsanta said:


> Will you please post it in the form of a bar graph for us here at TAM to all see? Please query the report to primarily include hours of sexual tension from watching porn transferred to wife, and the respective increased enjoyment of your wife.
> 
> If you are unwilling to share, just include the diminishing point of return of time needed for watching porn to economize your wife's enjoyment. I'm guessing about 15 minutes is all it takes?
> 
> ...


Regarding porn, I really don't get that detailed I just know it gets me more aggressive. The more aggressive I can get with my wife, the better the sex. So, anything that gets me in that frame of mind will help. 

My wife will never say this to my face, but the more I throw her around, the more I can't control myself, the more I must have her, the better she likes it.

TMI: Think of it this way. The more I watch porn without masturbating to conclusion, the more sexual tension is produced. Typically, the day before or the day we are supposed to have sex, I leak semen.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

anonmd said:


> *Do I watch porn, sure. For me that is totally separate from my desire and thoughts about my wife.*


Sorry @UMP but I would like to thread jack for a moment, to build up some aggressiveness in this thread! :grin2:

@anonmd porn encompasses a TREMENDOUS amount of *subject matter* in a virtually INFINITE amount of *contexts*. In my opinion this can act as a catalyst to enhance the desire one has for their spouse. So you are telling me that if you happened to see something novel in a porno (like a nice style of lingerie or a creative way to tease) that you would have NO INTEREST WHAT SO EVER in imagining your own wife in that scenario as a way to spice things up a little, and enhance you're desire with curiosity?

I'm pretty sure most women would approve of their husbands searching for new ways to spice things up in the bedroom. 

Perhaps you take offense because part of you does not really focus on the subject matter or context for imagining new fantasies with your wife, and it is really the OTHER women in these films that get all your interest?

In most of the porn I watch you don't ever see any faces. It is the description of what some mature couple has discovered to make each other explode, and how they go about doing that to each other. I can't stand that commercial porn that is just two chiseled models pounding away to a script and NOT feeling anything for each other. 

Badsanta


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

badsanta said:


> In my opinion this can act as a catalyst to enhance the desire one has for their spouse. So you are telling me that if you happened to see something novel in a porno (like a nice style of lingerie or a creative way to tease) that you would have NO INTEREST WHAT SO EVER in imagining your own wife in that scenario as a way to spice things up a little, and enhance you're desire with curiosity?


Nope, sorry. 

I make love with my wife, porn is just a bit of a visual aid for immediate relief. 

If the desired frequency gap was smaller I could do totally without porn


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

anonmd said:


> *porn is just a bit of a visual aid for immediate relief. *


A question from Mrs. Badsanta, and be VERY careful with this one...



> When you use porn, do you NEED a visual aid in order to be relieved, or do you NEED relief because you used a visual aid?


I am not sure but I think there is this implied, "WHY THE F can't you just be relieved without it and fantasize about me, the same way it works when I fantasize about you!!!!!!" hidden in between those lines somewhere!

My answer is that I sometimes watch porn because it helps me fantasize about my wife in ways that I had never thought of trying, and that makes my relief no relief at all, it just makes me want to be with my wife that much more!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

If I was female and thought about sex perhaps every few weeks the question might have validity. Alas, I am not.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

Unfortunately, most of the time it's pretty late when we finally get in bed together. I am taking some university classes that have nightly homework, the kids are usually up doing homework, and the dog needs a walk before bed. So, it's gotten pretty rare that sex is in the cards on a week night (but not unheard of). When we do, it's not as good as it could be because tired bodies are not always responsive.

That leaves a weekend day, which puts our average at 1 day a week. My wife and I both understand the importance of sex in our relationship, but it's not easy to fit it in. I forwarded a link to this thread to my wife, along with some other articles on scheduling sex that I would like to discuss with her to get that number closer to 2x per week.



badsanta said:


> A question from Mrs. Badsanta, and be VERY careful with this one...


At the risk of derailing this thread, I am going to go ahead and jump into the deep end and answer this question (with the caveat that there isn't a single answer). And, background first; As far as I know porn doesn't bother my wife, and we have watched the occasional skin flick together.

There is no question that I would rather be having sex with my wife when I am horny. I spend a lot of time during the day with my mind wandering to sexual fun with her specifically. If it's late and I'm tired, she's tired, or she's already sleeping I will usually quietly masturbate next to her while thinking about certain fantasies involving her. It's more of a necessary quick stress relief than anything else, but it feels lonely. I don't like it much, but when it's the only option it is what it is. It certainly doesn't compare to the excitement of sex with her (even quickies).

There are times when she's unavailable for whatever reason and I have the house to myself. If I'm thinking about sex and don't think anything is going to happen for a day or two, then I surf for some porn if I have the time. 'Porn' is a pretty big term though. I read discussion boards and read stories more than watching. That's much more interesting than watching two mannequins pretend they are enjoying themselves. There's a couple of pretty narrow genres that I go for, most of which is only interesting because of my fantasies about my wife. Sometimes it works the other way. I'll read/see something that looks fun, and imagine what it would be like with my wife.

When I am reading/watching I am almost always thinking about my wife, and the arousal is similar to what I feel when I'm with her. I guess it makes the fantasies feel more real. Compared to the late night quick relief, the arousal is much deeper but also more frustrating. It's a double edged sword. I really don't like not knowing when we might have sex next. If I do finish up, of course it feels good for a few minutes but I don't like how lonely I feel afterwards. I might edge a bit, but try wait for eventual sex with her for relief. If I decide to wait, it can be a very long wait sometimes. It's also really frustrating if I guess wrong, and it turns out that sex was right around the corner. 

To tie this all together, if we do find a 'schedule' that works for both of us, then I think that reading/watching together could be a lot of fun. Keeping a list of discussion threads and ideas on hand to start from will hopefully give us some incentive to stick to the schedule


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

pplwatching said:


> At the risk of derailing this thread, I am going to go ahead and jump into the deep end and answer this question


I'm sure that @UMP does not mind, as he has had lengthy threads on porn, and the idea of "scheduling sex" allows us HD partners to manage our self exploration habits much better. 



> There are times when she's unavailable for whatever reason and I have the house to myself. If I'm thinking about sex and don't think anything is going to happen for a day or two, then I surf for some porn if I have the time. 'Porn' is a pretty big term though. I read discussion boards and *read stories more than watching.*


In my opinion stories and written first-hand accounts of those exploring various kinks are far superior than porn. It is often way more honest and sincere than anything one might find in videos. I also like the fact that written stories also allow for one's imagination and fantasies to adhere much closer to a spouse. Women have their romance novels, us guys have our frequented explicit blogs and forums. 



> That's much more interesting than watching two mannequins pretend they are enjoying themselves. There's a couple of pretty narrow genres that I go for, most of which is only interesting because of my fantasies about my wife. Sometimes it works the other way. I'll read/see something that looks fun, and imagine what it would be like with my wife.


Same here, I seek out genres of kink that easily lend themselves to something my wife might enjoy. One of my favorites is tease and denial, and that one is growing on her! It makes her rejecting me into a playful game, and sometimes she will really get into it. Her favorite is to offer me just a little bit of a hand job when she is too tired, just enough to leave me really thinking about her, then she will up the ante and throw in some oral sex to make it harder for me! Sometimes she gets carried away, jumps on top of me and she will end up having six orgasms with her vibrator while I am not allowed to move or orgasm. Then she will smile and go to sleep and leave me in a state of euphoria! 




> When I am reading/watching I am almost always thinking about my wife, and the arousal is similar to what I feel when I'm with her. I guess it makes the fantasies feel more real. Compared to the late night quick relief, the arousal is much deeper but also more frustrating. It's a double edged sword.


...you should read some of the blogs I read! 




> I really don't like not knowing when we might have sex next. If I do finish up, of course it feels good for a few minutes but I don't like how lonely I feel afterwards. I might edge a bit, but try wait for eventual sex with her for relief. If I decide to wait, it can be a very long wait sometimes. *It's also really frustrating if I guess wrong, and it turns out that sex was right around the corner.*


FREAKING TELL ME ABOUT IT!!!!!! Here lately I am much better at guessing based on how busy our schedules are, and when my wife is stressed, she very much prefer me docile, patient and listening about her stressful day rather than being aroused and trying to get her undressed and shove her nipples directly into my corneas! 



> *To tie this all together, if we do find a 'schedule' that works for both of us, then I think that reading/watching together could be a lot of fun. Keeping a list of discussion threads and ideas on hand to start from will hopefully give us some incentive to stick to the schedule *


*THIS* in my opinion would be a big reason to schedule sex when opportunities are limited. It allows a HD spouse that dabbles with self exploration to manage desire levels in a way to keep them subdued, or to ramp them up so our spouses can enjoy a ravenous libido that responds like a finely tuned race car with a nitro boost!









@UMP you okay with where this thread is going?


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

badsanta said:


> One of my favorites is tease and denial, and that one is growing on her!


We've made a little bit of progress with T&D, but I'd love more. Unfortunately there are very few videos that are worth watching much less as a couple. Lots of stories though. That could be a very fun date when the schedule doesn't coincide with desire.



> ...you should read some of the blogs I read!


Links?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

pplwatching said:


> We've made a little bit of progress with T&D, but I'd love more. Unfortunately there are very few videos that are worth watching much less as a couple. Lots of stories though. That could be a very fun date when the schedule doesn't coincide with desire.
> 
> 
> 
> Links?


After a few PM's, @pplwatching and I actually do share similar interests in reading. What is interesting is that the things that we read often do NOT lend themselves to video that well. 

So @anonmd there are forms of explicit materials (still all porn in my opinion) that can compliment one's fantasies with your spouse, and I imagine there are mainstream forms that also serve as a quick fix that would be just as offensive to the wife as telling her you just enjoyed watching a prostitute make money. 

If your wife scheduled sex and encouraged you to look at porn or explicit materials to boost your libido for her, would that change the nature of the content you view? I have to imagine you would seek out explicit materials that lend a fair chance in learning something new to spice things up in your bedroom. Odds are you might find yourself on a tumblr blog of a kinky couple that shares some of their ideas and fun adventures? 



















Badsanta


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## PAPS18 (May 17, 2012)

What are the links? I don't use porn very often but when I do, I usually go for more amateur stuff-as in more NORMAL looking people. I don't like the pros at all, my wife doesn't look like that, nor do I. But more real life folks, that I can relate to. I also tend to go more towards things that my wife will never do-like BJ's for example. I will watch and imagine what that must feel like-coming from a woman that "appears" to like doing it, not one that just does it for 30 seconds to a minute before intercourse-as my wife did earlier in our marriage-now she doesn't do it at all because she has had some jaw issues that she is trying to get some relief from, still don't think she would give even if no jaw issues but that is another story. Anyway, I used to love the penthouse forums in the day, so if you can share links, I would like to check them out. 

Scheduled sex sounds like a great idea but ONLY if both partners will truly commit. This sounds like something my wife and I could try, BUT, she would have to commit to it and life gets in the way for her-she would find reasons why not-and even if you call her out, it still can build resentment or cause issues. I think scheduling ONLY truly works if both parties are 100% committed to the plan and truly want to make it work.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

PAPS18 said:


> What are the links?


You will probably like this search engine for erotic stories Sex Story Search - Literotica


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

badsanta said:


> So @anonmd there are forms of explicit materials (still all porn in my opinion) that can compliment one's fantasies with your spouse, and I imagine there are mainstream forms that also serve as a quick fix that would be just as offensive to the wife as telling her you just enjoyed watching a prostitute make money.
> 
> If your wife scheduled sex and encouraged you to look at porn or explicit materials to boost your libido for her, would that change the nature of the content you view?
> 
> Badsanta


Thanks for the laugh:smile2: The thought of my wife recommending anything to 'increase my libido' for her is pretty hilarious. Given the references to being a sex maniac over the years, more likely would be a prescription for an SSRI with negative side effects:wink2:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

When I entered my very high drive phase.... I would get upset if I even entertained the idea he might not initiate.. I was so ANTSY about wanting laid.. 

I would get emotional about this.. for this reason.. it was SOOTHING TO ME.. when I KNEW it was coming... I wanted it like all the time.... he knew it and I knew it.. he really couldn't keep up with me... He was enjoying this ....wasn't going to bite me about it.. but still I did put some pressure on the man! 

There were plenty of nights.. I knew I shouldn't be bothering him AGAIN...what he'd do was...he'd tell me to wake him up in a few hours.. so basically we were scheduling sex in the middle of the night.. this happened a lot..... I could live with that.. more than going to bed thinking.. "darn him, isn't he ever in the mood!".. that was much harder for me..

I think when you're really High drive.. all that matters is that You are getting it...and feeling your partner wants to be there, a mutually fulfilling experience.

If I felt this was a burden for him...it would have ruined the experience for me.. He just needed a little sleep then he was good to go! His attitude here saved it all.. 

But yeah.. even during that.. we still had times where he surprised me... those were extra Exciting.... Nothing wrong with some scheduling... but hopefully this won't take away from some "spontaneous" romps mixed in there too ...


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