# Anyone live together but separated?



## unsureone (Feb 4, 2015)

I dont know if this belongs in this section or the considering. ....we have uncoupled over a year ago. We literally only coparent.

We got into it pretty bad this evening. I kept my cool. But I asked a few questions and before he said there was a shred of hope. ..and this time he kept referencing that was the plan for us to separate when our youngest was a little older......But I picked up on this and he said conflicting information. I asked which is it? Done? Or still hope. He gets mad at me in an instant and says I was thinking worst case scenario as always and said yes let's be done. I am done. I am NOT being sucked back in the train wreck. 

So my question is how do you live together but separated? It's going to be hard because I still am in love with him very much and had hope. Where he says he only loves me because he knows no better. I am DONE. I am not speaking in anger. I have decided we should part earlier. ..but he has this way of giving me hope. Not doing it this time. 

So I am looking for strength. Advice.? I know I don't deserve it because I was the WW on an EA but I don't deserve to be called a ***** and so many other things all the time for 7 years. I have no job. Gave up my career for my family. I refuse to be called a leech when I am not allowed to get a real job because I will find someone.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

You're a grown woman and are "allowed" to do whatever you want. Get a job. Make a plan to either move out or to have him move out. The only way you can live together, but separated, is if there is a concrete plan for completely physically separating. (That's where I am now, by the way).


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

I agree, a job is your number one priority. Then you can set a timeline in motion: you'll know how long until you have enough to move out/subsidize the house on your own/get a new place, and you'll have time to get a budget into place and practice sticking to it. Are you in therapy? Is your H? 

Use this time to your advantage.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

unsureone said:


> I dont know if this belongs in this section or the considering. ....we have uncoupled over a year ago. We literally only coparent.
> 
> We got into it pretty bad this evening. I kept my cool. But I asked a few questions and before he said there was a shred of hope. ..and this time he kept referencing that was the plan for us to separate when our youngest was a little older......But I picked up on this and he said conflicting information. I asked which is it? Done? Or still hope. He gets mad at me in an instant and says I was thinking worst case scenario as always and said yes let's be done. I am done. I am NOT being sucked back in the train wreck.
> 
> ...


i agree, you need to become financially independent and then you have many more choices. it is bad enough to be stuck in a bad marriage, but to be stuck in a bad marriage and be dependent is even worse. getting a job will also help you to interact with others and take you mind off the issues at home. It may even make you a much better person and the H will see this. If things do not work out at least you have an avenue to leave.


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## unsureone (Feb 4, 2015)

northernlights said:


> I agree, a job is your number one priority. Then you can set a timeline in motion: you'll know how long until you have enough to move out/subsidize the house on your own/get a new place, and you'll have time to get a budget into place and practice sticking to it. Are you in therapy? Is your H?
> 
> Use this time to your advantage.



No therapy. He said it was too expensive. It's first on my list when I get a job or real insurance. 

I am going to work on a time limit? Or a plan of action this week.


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