# Update: Living in Limbo no more



## CTPlay (Apr 26, 2015)

Hi guys,

Some may remember me, but 2 years ago, my stbx cheated on me and that lead me here and it's been a long ride ever since. What a journey. I've seen threads where someone arrives in total despair and loss and writes back later that life goes on. I"m here to put in my 2 cents and share what lies behind the veil after "D Day".

I won't go into my story. That exists elsewhere. But here are the things I've learned since that fateful day.

- The emotional distraught of being cheated on and separated is like asking a paralyzed man to just get up and start walking. I look back and there is no such thing as a quick fix and curse all the snakes who prey upon those at their worst most vulnerable moments.

- All you can do is just move forward one small crawl at a time. It is literally Shawshank Redemption. One spoon of wall one day at a time. And it's one thick wall.

- You will learn something and gain knowledge (unless you are a complete psycho) that you probably would never would have encountered. For me, I'm 1000% a better father and a more compassionate person. Not sure I'd be a better husband, but for certain I"m not blind to my shortcomings anymore. 

- My journey is expected to last 3 years. The first year was pain and suffering beyond comprehension. The second year was loneliness like I"ve never thought possible. I am currently on my 3rd year, I have no idea what is ahead of me.

- I'm not going to tell you about the things you will lose. All I'm going to say is that this process will reinvent you forever. 


For those with ADHD. Put your head down and keep moving forward one crawl at a time. I'm sorry. There is nothing that will quicken the process. 

Any questions?

p.s. Divorce sucks, but cheating? What a waste. The only thing I can say about a person who ends their marriage by escaping with another person is a person you don't want to spend your life with. Yes, there are exceptions. But as a rule. That person in my opinion and the testimony of multiple others, has a damaged character. You've married a social criminal. Dont' feel bad. I made that mistake too.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Good to hear from you.

Glad to see that you’re seeing your way through to the other side.


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## tailrider3 (Oct 22, 2016)

3 years? Say it ain't so. Did you get a pet to help with the loneliness?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

tailrider3 said:


> 3 years? Say it ain't so. Did you* get a pet* to help with the loneliness?


Pet?

Get a Schnauzer, not a Schmoozer.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

It's great to hear from you, brother. You sound pretty healthy. It doesn't feel like nearly that long ago that you came to this site.

How is the dating life?

Has your ex crashed yet? It's only a matter of time for her.


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## CTPlay (Apr 26, 2015)

farsidejunky said:


> It's great to hear from you, brother. You sound pretty healthy. It doesn't feel like nearly that long ago that you came to this site.
> 
> How is the dating life?
> 
> Has your ex crashed yet? It's only a matter of time for her.


I don't know. She seems to be dating another man who has 2 kids of his own. 

Let me put in my 2 pennies. I don't want her to crash because if she crashes, she takes the kids down with her. Let her be happy. My life is already in a state of delicate balance, I don't need the drama of an insane ex and devastated children. You can call me a **** for not wanting ill upon her. But I see it as a victory not victimization.

Dating life? LOL. Wow. Let's say that that's another lesson for another day. BTW. It's been 2 years. I'm on year 3.


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## CTPlay (Apr 26, 2015)

One more thing. Our separation agreement is STILL not yet finalized. We are in the final draft and it's now in the hands of my lawyer. So close...


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

CTPlay said:


> One more thing. Our separation agreement is STILL not yet finalized. We are in the final draft and it's now in the hands of my lawyer. So close...


Took close to three years to get an agreement done and we didn't have kids involved and the judge had to make most of the final decisions. This is the part that drives you the most nuts. They want freedom and ability to run off to the new imaginary great life yet they won't get out of the old life by dragging everything out.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

honcho said:


> Took close to three years to get an agreement done and we didn't have kids involved and the judge had to make most of the final decisions. This is the part that drives you the most nuts. *They want freedom and ability to run off to the new imaginary great life yet they won't get out of the old life by dragging everything out*.


Seen it first-hand. My older brother D (no fault) his wife when he was in Med School (no kids). Very private couple, never talked about Why or What was going on? Anyway, she got the small house in the "agreement". I called her something like 6 months after the D was final to see how she was doing? 

She told me that my brother was still living there, sleeping in the spare bedroom. :surprise: Now that's dragging your feet!


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## inging (Dec 11, 2016)

Great to hear from you. Keep on keeping on


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