# Need help...



## stophurting_83 (Jun 11, 2010)

I HAVE 4 CHILDREN, BEEN W/ PARTNER FOR 9 YRS-NOT MARRIED-JUST LIVING TOGETHER.AT FIRST I WOULD TOLERATE EVERYTHING. ABUSE STARTED IN 2003 WHEN MY SON WAS 9 MTHS....HE PUSHED ME AROUND AND TOOK SOME SLAPS NOTHING BIG....NEXT A BLACK EYE(HAD TO LIE TO FAMILY MEMBERS)AFTER SWINGING AT ME WHEN I WAS PREGNANT OF 2ND CHILD..HE STARTED DRINKING HEAVIER SO THE VERBAL ABUSE STARTED...GOT PREGNANT W/ 3RD CHILD THEN IT STARTED TO GET UGLY. WHILE BEING 6MTHS PREGGO HE BEAT ME FOR MORE THAN 20 MINS. HE LEFT ME BRUISES ALL OVER MY BODY EXCEPT FOR THE FACE SO PEOPLE WONT NOTICE.HE WOULD GO OUT EVERY OTHER DAY AND WHEN I WOULD CALL HIM HE WOULDN'T ANSWER. THEN THE RUMORS STARTED THAT HE WAS CHEATING ON ME-HAVE NOT FOUND OUT IF IT WAS TRUE OR NOT SO CAN'T ACCUSE HIM. I LEFT HIM FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS, HE LOOKED FOR ME BEGGED ME WENT BACK..THINGS WERE GOOD, THEN WHEN HE WAS DRUNK HE TOOK ME BY THE FORCE AND I GOT PREGNANT..WORST PART I HAD AN ABORTION(WHICH I HATE MYSELF FOR IT), WE STARTED NEW I CHANGED BIRTH CONTROLS AND FOUND OUT 4 1/2 MONTHS LATER TOO LATE FOR A REGULAR ABORTION SO I KEPT IT. THE WORST PART TOOK PLACE ONE NITE WHEN HE CAME HOME DRUNK I WAS 7 1/2 MTHS I WENT THRU HIS PHONE AND SAW SOME DISTURBING TEXTS, PLUS SOME GIRLS NUMBERS, I CONFRONTED HIM AND HE STARTED TO TAKE SWINGS AT ME INFRONT OF MY TWO YOUNGER KIDS. I BEGGED HIM TO STOP BUT HE TOOK A SWING AT ME SO HARD THAT HE MADE A CUT SO DEEP IN BACK OF MY EAR. EVEN W/ MY EAR BLEEDING HE DIDN'T STOP. I DROVE MY SELF TO THE HOSPITAL TOLD ME I NEEDED STICHES BUT LEFT WHEN THEY TOLD ME THEY HAD TO CALL THE COPS. THE WORST PART OF THAT DAY WAS I GET HOME AND FIND MY 1YR 7MTH OLD LOCKED IN THE BATHROOM CRYING. I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG HE WAS IN THERE FOR BUT I'M GUESSING A WHILE CAUSE HE THREW UP OF HOW MUCH HE WAS CRYING. HE'S DAD DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE BECAUSE HE WAS SO DRUNK HE KNOCKED OUT. AFTER MY 4TH CHILD CAME THE SAME WK HE GOT DRUNK FOR 2 DAYS STRAIGHT FOUND OUT HE USED DRUGS TOO THAT DAY.DISGUSTING. SO HE SWEARS UP AND DOWN ON HE'S KIDS HE HAS NEVER CHEATED, HE HAS TOLD ME LIL' WHITE LIES AND ALL THE REST. HE HAS TRULY CHANGED BUT I THINK HE CHANGED A LIL' TOO LATE, CAUSE I REALLY DID GIVE UP. I DONT HAVE THE SAME EMOTIONS I HAD TOWARDS HIM AND HE NOTICED IT. I HATE HIM. HOW CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE AND HURT THEM SO BAD. OH AND HE CAN GO OUT WHENEVER HE WANTS TO COME HOME WHENEVER HE FEELS LIKE IT BUT I CAN'T GO OUT AT ALL. I JUST DON'T KNOW IF ITS ALL WORTH IT. HE STOP DRINKING STOP GOING OUT BUT I THINK A SEPERATION IS THE BEST THING.HAVE TOLD HIM I WANT TO SEPERATE AND HE GETS HYSTERICAL AND TELLS ME NOT TO THINK OF THAT WHY?? PLEASE HELP W ADVICE 
:scratchhead:


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## sparkle4 (Jun 12, 2010)

You need to get help, If not for your self for your children. What happened with your baby in the bath room is at the very least naglect if not abuse. There are alot of places that can help you. Domestic violence shelters offer alot of support to help women in you place get out on there own and make a real life. They will help with legal stuff, finding you a new place to live with your children, clothing and food. They will help you keep him away. Please call they can help you 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). My heart breaks for you and your children. Maybe you leaving will give the push he needs to seek help for his anger.


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## louie_a_lopez (Jun 12, 2010)

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I think he needs desperate help in dealing with his anger, alcoholism, and possible drug abuse. God i can't even imagine, i have been upset with my wife and going through issues but not ever to the point of even raising my voice let alone hitting her. please call that number1-800-799-7233, if not for you for your kids. I remember when my parents fought, and it got really ugly. i told myself that i would never be that guy, but that is one in a million usually the kids take on the behavior. please shield your kids. I am so sorry to hear it really breaks my heart.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You can lose all your kids if you stay with someone so irresponsible. This is not about you anymore; there are 4 innocent lives at stake. Any adult who gets too drunk to take care of children is literally endangering them, and child endangerment is a felony. You are an accomplice b/c you know about his behavior. Get to a shelter, now. They will explain to you that your boyfriend "needs" you so he has someone to control and beat--NOT BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU. There is no love in his desperate need for you; he loves no one, not even himself. He cannot be the "good" guy you see sometimes w/o the "bad," because he is "good" only to keep you around for when he needs to take out his rage and self-loathing on someone else. Please, please, please, get out now. Just call/drive away with the kids. You will find a much better life down the road. It will be very hard, but your kids deserve it. God bless.


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## stophurting_83 (Jun 11, 2010)

after posting my situation I laughed at myself and said who is going to reply to something like mines and me a solution. I was wrong I was to afraid to let anyone know about what was going on in my "sweet home". After reading all of the replys I got the courage to go to the police and make a report, got a restraining order against him, and moved in to a close friends house. My kids are doing good, I told them there dad was working far away and they understood. As for myself I called the # (life saver) they told me i'm one of the lucky ones, cause if i stay is either he's life or mines. There helping me thru the process-not easy- but i applied for welfare for me so that should cover some expenses, and my friend saw my situation put a good word in for me and she just called me that I start next week in my new job. As for him Sunday morning I did that and he was out Sunday night. We talked about the situation yesterday and he agreed for the sake of the children he was going to get help. I offered to go w/ him to the meetings for AA and anger managment. Even though he made my life hell and it's only been a day or so...I'm happy and I think this was he's wake up call. I do wish him the best and Thanks to all who took time out of there lifes to help save mines and by kids.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Good job. I will say a prayer for him--if he can stop drinking it may make a HUGE difference. Obviously, you will need to give it a lot of time and maybe by the time he is safely recovered you will have moved on, but if he is really doing AA as he needs to, he will completely understand that. AA will do an amazing job helping him accept the consequences of his drinking choices.

And you and your kids will be in my prayers too. What a relief to hear from someone who has found the courage to make the call! You have no idea how many of us will read this with tears in our eyes b/c we KNOW this had to be extremely difficult for you. Bravo! And already onto a new job, too! Wow. You have some good people in your life. God bless.


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## stophurting_83 (Jun 11, 2010)

Well it's been a couple of wks now and it hurts to think about it, but I think I was just around because i didn't have the help I needed. I'm still working T-S 9-5:30, it pays enough to pay the rent-got a little apt just 4 days ago, don't have much but my family learned about the truth and are helping out alot, emotionally and financially. As for my ex i've attended classes w/ him, i bring the kidz around and it looks like he's doing okay. He's asked me financially and about us but I moved on. I want to give many thanks to those members who gave me advice I think I am going to make it. The pain will always be there but the scars are slowly starting to heal.


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