# He wont let me suck his ****



## Hum3n (8 mo ago)

Hi there, 

I had braces and so i didnt suck my husbands **** that much, i would but i was afraid of cutting his **** with them by accident, so i told him when i got them off i would suck him more when i got them off, but they ended up putting the retainters that go on the back of the teeth instead, and i wasn't used to them and was scared of hurting him so i said no, then one time we had sex, keep in mind we dont shower everyday and sometimes it takes three days for us to shower, i wouldnt want him to eat me out if i wasnt clean which he did but that was his decision and i wasnt comfortable fully with that, i said no because he was inside me earlier, peed,had vaseline and the taste of condom and i hate the taste of condoms and ever since then he wont let me suck his ****, even though i want to because he was hurt and now i'll never be able to do it ever again. Can someone help, he is telling me i want to suck it because of my ego and he wont let me and wont soothe my ego. I constantly want sex with him but if i say no once he starts to act hurt cause of it, in the beggining of the relationship i said no to sex because i wanted to wait till marriage, and i was also raped and sexually assualted before but to him i hurt him and made him less of a men and traumatized him he used to joke about just wanting my body, i said no because i was afraid of being used because when i had sex the first time, with my ex my ex kept asking and i never wanted to have sex, i wanted to wait till marriage but eventually i gave up and did it but every time i felt less like myself, why?? He says i didnt want him, i did i just wanted to wait. Is it going to be like this forever like he said he will or will it change?


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Hum3n said:


> Hi there,
> 
> I had braces and so i didnt suck my husbands *** that much, i would but i was afraid of cutting his with them by accident, so i told him when i got them off i would suck him more when i got them off, but they ended up putting the retainters that go on the back of the teeth instead, and i wasn't used to them and was scared of hurting him so i said no, then one time we had sex, keep in mind we dont shower everyday and sometimes it takes three days for us to shower, i wouldnt want him to eat me out if i wasnt clean which he did but that was his decision and i wasnt comfortable fully with that, i said no because he was inside me earlier, peed,had vaseline and the taste of condom and i hate the taste of condoms and ever since then he wont let me suck his ***, even though i want to because he was hurt and now i'll never be able to do it ever again. Can someone help, he is telling me i want to suck it because of my ego and he wont let me and wont soothe my ego. I constantly want sex with him but if i say no once he starts to act hurt cause of it, in the beggining of the relationship i said no to sex because i wanted to wait till marriage, and i was also raped and sexually assualted before but to him i hurt him and made him less of a men and traumatized him he used to joke about just wanting my body, i said no because i was afraid of being used because when i had sex the first time, with my ex my ex kept asking and i never wanted to have sex, i wanted to wait till marriage but eventually i gave up and did it but every time i felt less like myself, why?? He says i didnt want him, i did i just wanted to wait. Is it going to be like this forever like he said he will or will it change?


Sexual insecurities are really tough. I wouldn't focus so much on "Oh, this is going to be forever..." but, rather, on building your marriage relationship more and more over time. People who have experienced sexual trauma have a tough time (hubs and I both have) It truly takes time and loving patience. The last thing either one of you needs is to be shamed or judged in any way regarding sex.

That said, being clean for sex is a PRIORITY. Everything you described would be a dealbreaker for me also. A happy agreement about cleanliness needs to be struck. I will perform oral on hubs if it's the first thing we do but I won't after he has penetrated. I don't want to be going back and forth with that - because I'm not comfortable that it's a clean thing to do. That's just my opinion. 

You have nothing to apologize for. I do think listening with sympathy and understanding - while stating the truth - that the point of being clean was not to hurt him but for the sake of yours and his health - would be the best way forward. I think this will slowly bring him around. He's afraid you don't love him and I'm going to bet that he has some history of being shamed about sex. What happened that time you described probably strummed that old chord.


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## Hum3n (8 mo ago)

happiness27 said:


> Sexual insecurities are really tough. I wouldn't focus so much on "Oh, this is going to be forever..." but, rather, on building your marriage relationship more and more over time. People who have experienced sexual trauma have a tough time (hubs and I both have) It truly takes time and loving patience. The last thing either one of you needs is to be shamed or judged in any way regarding sex.
> 
> That said, being clean for sex is a PRIORITY. Everything you described would be a dealbreaker for me also. A happy agreement about cleanliness needs to be struck. I will perform oral on hubs if it's the first thing we do but I won't after he has penetrated. I don't want to be going back and forth with that - because I'm not comfortable that it's a clean thing to do. That's just my opinion.
> 
> You have nothing to apologize for. I do think listening with sympathy and understanding - while stating the truth - that the point of being clean was not to hurt him but for the sake of yours and his health - would be the best way forward. I think this will slowly bring him around. He's afraid you don't love him and I'm going to bet that he has some history of being shamed about sex. What happened that time you described probably strummed that old chord.


I told him though that it was for his health, he just wont listen because he made the decision and will stick with it. I explained exactly why i said no. I told him its not because i didnt want to suck you because i do. I've told him plenty of times that i love his ****. And whenever im dirty and we have sex i feel ashamed for being dirty and apologize for it, and now im learning to keep myself clean its hard because i was never taught to and i struggle with mental health issues, but i really feel he is being unfair.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Thanks for sharing!


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Why do you go days without showering?


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Why do you go days without showering?


She mentioned she wasn't taught to wash herself growing up, and she suffers with her mental health.


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## UnderWhere (8 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Why do you go days without showering?


That was my first thought.... Shower daily. No exceptions.


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## Hum3n (8 mo ago)

UnderWhere said:


> That was my first thought.... Shower daily. No exceptions.


Im on it now, showering more then him definately, but yeah i Struggled alot with my mental state and being able to actually get up out of bed, it was difficult, even now but i made constant alarms so im on top of it more now and am more clean then ever. I mainly got into the bad habit because he didnt shower often and i would usually wait for him to get home so we could shower together


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## Hum3n (8 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Why do you go days without showering?


Im on it now, showering more then him definately, but yeah i Struggled alot with my mental state and being able to actually get up out of bed, it was difficult, even now but i made constant alarms so im on top of it more now and am more clean then ever. I mainly got into the bad habit because he didnt shower often and i would usually wait for him to get home so we could shower together


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## Hum3n (8 mo ago)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> She mentioned she wasn't taught to wash herself growing up, and she suffers with her mental health.


Its quite sad tho honestly, when i have kids i'll teach them and actually help them instead of gaslighting and invalidate them, its just hard when their possible father laughs at mental illness because everyone goes through it and where he is from it is worse, which i understand but youre still invalidating others.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Hum3n said:


> Its quite sad tho honestly, when i have kids i'll teach them and actually help them instead of gaslighting and invalidate them, its just hard when their possible father laughs at mental illness because everyone goes through it and where he is from it is worse, which i understand but youre still invalidating others.


Do not have kids with someone who laughs at mental illness.


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## Hum3n (8 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Do not have kids with someone who laughs at mental illness.


Its just the cultural thing, im going to teach him because he struggles too. If he listens, ive kind of just accepted it, but its probably why we argue.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Hum3n said:


> Its just the cultural thing, im going to teach him because he struggles too. If he listens, ive kind of just accepted it, but its probably why we argue.


What culture allows a loved one to laugh at your mental illness?


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

I suggest showering every day. It’s a good practice to get into.


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## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Hum3n said:


> I told him though that it was for his health, he just wont listen because he made the decision and will stick with it. I explained exactly why i said no. I told him its not because i didnt want to suck you because i do. I've told him plenty of times that i love his ****. And whenever im dirty and we have sex i feel ashamed for being dirty and apologize for it, and now im learning to keep myself clean its hard because i was never taught to and i struggle with mental health issues, but i really feel he is being unfair.


Cleanliness is next to Godliness? My husband and I struggle with the same - we get so busy that sometimes he can go for days without showering and then I have to remind him. Me - it's like clockwork for me. Atleast every day other, I will shower. We have to remember to be good to ourselves.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

How do you have braces but don't bathe regularly?


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## Hum3n (8 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> What culture allows a loved one to laugh at your mental illness?


None but people dont


BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Cleanliness is next to Godliness? My husband and I struggle with the same - we get so busy that sometimes he can go for days without showering and then I have to remind him. Me - it's like clockwork for me. Atleast every day other, I will shower. We have to remember to be good to ourselves.


yeah im muslim so im learning and doing my best


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## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Hum3n said:


> None but people dont
> 
> yeah im muslim so im learning and doing my best


Uh.... I don't know that I've ever met a muslim that doesn't shower? Not trying to be mean - but my HR manager is Muslim. Are there rules on taking too many showers?


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## Hum3n (8 mo ago)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Uh.... I don't know that I've ever met a muslim that doesn't shower? Not trying to be mean - but my HR manager is Muslim. Are there rules on taking too many showers?


you should be clean, and can you stop judging pls as i said before i struggled with my mental state so getting up to do something as simple as showering was hard and i was also wanting to shower with my husband, i used to shower everyday and then i moved in with him and stopped because i would wait to shower with him, Im showering like 3 times daily now.


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## Hum3n (8 mo ago)

Ya'll dont have solutions i just said im showering and cleaning myself everyday now, its him that struggles with it more then me, since i would wait for him and then my mental state got really bad and then i didnt shower for a while. Can we actuallly post solutions, thats why i posted this, not to judge me for struggling to even shower which im doing now. You obviously havent been maniacally depressed before. so of course you wouldnt understand, like i understand it dirty as i said in the first post and many others.


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## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Hum3n said:


> None but people dont
> 
> yeah im muslim so im learning and doing my best


Was this not your response? It sounded like you were saying you don't shower often because you are Muslim so I was asking if there is a rule against showering too much and why? I'm always one to be interested in learning. We don't judge. We are factual.


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## Hum3n (8 mo ago)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Was this not your response? It sounded like you were saying you don't shower often because you are Muslim so I was asking if there is a rule against showering too much and why? I'm always one to be interested in learning. We don't judge. We are factual.


Oh no cleanlinesss we are supposed to be clean which is what im learning


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## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Hum3n said:


> Oh no cleanlinesss we are supposed to be clean which is what im learning


Oh. Trust me when I tell you that cleanliness will make you feel 900x better no matter what.


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## Rayr44 (6 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Why do you go days without showering?


Conserving water for the future generations?


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## Brian from Columbus (Dec 9, 2020)

my wife skips showering sometimes and it’s an incredible turn on for me when she has a mild version of body odor! theres something raw and attractive about her earthy, musky, primal natural smell of her body. She knows it makes me crazy and teases me with her body!


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Brian from Columbus said:


> my wife skips showering sometimes and it’s an incredible turn on for me when she has a mild version of body odor! theres something raw and attractive about her earthy, musky, primal natural smell of her body. She knows it makes me crazy and teases me with her body!


Why are you even here?


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