# why wont my husband have sex w/me



## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

I am a thirty year old woman my husband is 22. I am not an ugly person I am a model and have the thin frame of a model and most people think I am 18. HOWEVER, my husband and I have been together a total of 1 1/2 years. When we first got together we had sex alot but for the last year he never wants sex I can do anything he will not even let me give him a blow job. he has no medical issues with sex. And when we do have sex he gets off very explosively and enjoys it. But I have to beg for sex to get it or we would never have it. This makes me feel ugly and undesirable when I know I am not. I am with him a lot and I know he is not masterbating so I don't know what the deal is. And even when I undress he looks away or never looks at me. I cant go on like this. I have tried talking to him and I all I get is a load of excusses. Our relationship is strong and affectionate but there is no sex I am going crazy isn't it suppose to be the other way around :scratchhead: what should i do...


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

HAve you lost to much weight? Does he think you have cheated? Is he depressed? Have you fought a lot? Are there outside influences maybe? 

draconis


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## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

I am the same as I was when we got together but at first when we got together he downed me all the time and made me feel so ugly and finally I got tired of it and asked him he said it was because he felt like I was too good for him and he did it to feel better but no we don't fight much at all I can't think of anything that would make him be like this...Do you think he just doesn't find me attractive? and no there is no way I could cheat we talk all the time he knows I haven't like I know he isn't. Shew I am so upset I just wish I knew from a mans view what could cuz this especailly with him being so young


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Does he have ED problems? Does he watch porn? Addicted to anything (drugs, porn, video games)?

draconis


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## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

see that is just it no ED I can get him into sex and sometimes even when I do he will just be like lets cuddle and not have sex but I can get the blood flowing really quick in that area no issues there and I KNOW he enjoys it when we do it. And no he does not watch porn but just got an xbox 360 a week ago but our problem has been going on for a year...


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

No other signs of depression?

How well do you two communicate about other things?

draconis


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## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

shew there I think if that could cuz sexual problems you may have hit the nail on the head lol no pun intended lol I talk he either gets mad or doesn't say anything...I am very expressive and he doesn't like to talk and would do anything to avoid talking..I asked him about this a million times he just says it is stress and he had rather cuddle than have sex I like to cuddle and all but I need sex...he tells me he knows it is not normal but doesn't know what to do about not wanting it...does that even make sense??? what is his deal?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

How often do you have sex now?


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## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

Like when I beg for it or make a big deal about it...maybe three times a month if that...Is that normal when u have a more than ready and willing woman????????


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

How stressed is he? Is it work, or money related?

draconis


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

I don't think you can know unless he tells you. What are the excuses he gives you?

Oops, posted at the same time as the answer to that question was posted.

It sounds like his equipment works, but even then he could have medical issues affecting his libido and not his performance once things get going, kwim?

It's too bad that he's so shut down about it. I don't see how he would know if there's even a medical issue if he's not willing to acknowlege something's wrong. Sure, there are variations in libido, but that infrequently (and mostly because you asked) seems odd for a guy so young with a beautiful woman (and he's not masturbating much as you say). 

Do you know anything about his previous relationships/ sexual encounters?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

wifeneedssex-

Well at least you have something to work on. If there was no sex at all, I would not be able to suggest much. Do not stop initiating whatever you do. Is he good in bed once he actually does it? Does he make you cum?

If you can talk him into practising semen retention, he will be permanently horny - eventually. I wrote about my journey into here: Semen Retention


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

I would have his testorone checked...he seems young to have it start to decline (unless he is a bodybuilder). That one hormone controls most of the drive.
Could he be gay? Just asking.


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## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

thank you all for all the advice please keep it coming. Yes he is great in bed and he and I both enjoy it. No I do not think he is gay in the least bit but this all makes me wonder just what is wrong and no he is far from a body builder...How do you get your testostrone checked??? Can I do this? And yes I would love hear more about this semen retention.:smthumbup:


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## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

MSLADY thank you for your post I am not sure what to do from here what medical issues could it be I am willing to do anything this is distroying me and my self esteem. And as far as his past relationships I don't think there were any issues with them like there is with me according to his mom who he lived with he never had this issue before yes it is so bad I talked to her about it. So it just me I guess. I swear this is going to be the death of me. I keep a calendar of when we have sex it is very far and few in between what is normal of people to have sex I mean how often? A male at age 22...


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## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

This change did come when he got his new job but that was like a year ago and we never bounced back do you think that could be it even after a year???


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## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

oh one more thing I have noticed that he has massive errection during sleep like every night...EVERY night almost as soon as he goes to sleep does that mean anything???


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

Testerone can be checked by his doc - routine blood work.
I don't know about the night thing....the morning - yes that is our normal morning firend ;-)
I hope it gets better for you. Have you shared your true feelings in a way that he hears them and understands?


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## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

oh I have tried all the time to talk to him in every way I know how I have done everything I know to do that is why I am so despirate to find the answer I love his so much and I know he loves me. your posts have been so comforting to me. When we have our talks he will have sex with me and then we go weeks without it again until I ask again or talk about it over and over then I feel like he just does it to shut me up it almost seems like a chore to him to have sex with me...does that make sense?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

wifeneedssex said:


> this? And yes I would love hear more about this semen retention.:smthumbup:


It was in the link I posted. If you read it you can ask me questions.



wifeneedssex said:


> So it just me I guess. I swear this is going to be the death of me


I forbid you to think those thoughts! It's not you, it's him.

As for your question about erection in sleep, that means he is very very healthy - no physical ED


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## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

thank you so much for that i needed to hear that MARKTWAIN!!!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

wifeneedssex said:


> thank you so much for that i needed to hear that MARKTWAIN!!!


From the way you're spelling my name in caps with 3 exclamation marks, I can tell you're highly motivated 
​


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

You say you look good. If you know that why are you allowing yourself to be made to feel you are unattractive?

The biggest mistake people (especially women) make when a partner no longer wants sex is to blame themselves. Granted, in long term relationships sexual attraction can be diminished, especially if the partner has let themselves go and no longer makes an effort to be attract to their mate.

But in young people and in relationships where people do put up the effort to be sexually attractive, when a partner refuses to have sex it has everything to do with that partner and little if nothing to do with the person being refused.

Sexuality is very fragile and there are dozens of things that can cause a person to go off sex. Often sexual dysfunctions of various kinds precede the loss of sexual desire.

Sex is an enjoyable thing so when someone isn't interested the reasons are usually deep seated psychological difficulties or major interpersonal problems within the relationship.


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## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

Mr.B WOW that hit home...you have some great points. I guess I am just not sure that I am attractive to him...however I do konw that I am on a much higher level than any of the preciding girls he has had. He used to get so upset because when we first got together and went out somewhere people would be shocked to find out I was his girl instead of taking that as a compliment he was get mad. Should a man get mad about that he said no one ever said stuff to him like that when he was with others. I think your last point was great about deep seated psychological difficulties or major interpersonal problems within the relationship...but my question is why did it happen all of the sudden? there were no fights or anything it just all came to an end we went from having sex 3 times a day to this...:sleeping:


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Click this link and scroll down the page until you get to my post on Attachment Disorder. Maybe some of it will be familiar to you in regards to your husband.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/3705-hubby-not-interested-sex-all.html


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## T-Dub (Feb 2, 2009)

Dam , I know if I went to a bed with a woody, I'd make sure the person next to me took care of it!!


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## wifeneedssex (Feb 5, 2009)

Mr B said:


> Click this link and scroll down the page until you get to my post on Attachment Disorder. Maybe some of it will be familiar to you in regards to your husband.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/3705-hubby-not-interested-sex-all.html


THAT IS WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR THANK YOU SO MUCH:smthumbup:


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