# how to fix my relationship



## QuietKool77 (Jun 8, 2010)

I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years and during that time period i did a lot of things to him, one of them was i cheated with my sons father, and on top of that i have lied about things out of fear for loosing my current boyfriend, now of course there is trusts issue, which i do expect it to be, but we agreed to stick it out. He is having a hard time getting over certain things, but i am trying to tell him and show him that i am not doing anything wrong. I could tell that his heart is still broken like it happened yesterday. All i want to do is console him and help him get past this and i just do not know where to start


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

There's really nothing you can do to console him and help him get past it. You hurt him deeply, and he has to deal with that pain on his own. No one, not you or any other person, can help/make him get over it any quicker. All you can do is try to prove to him that you can be trusted and that you are committed to your relationship. Be open and honest with him always from now on, let him read your e-mail, check your phone, etc., if that's what it takes to help him feel more confident about you. Ask him what you can do to help him get over it. He may tell you nothing, or he may have some things that you can do. Whatever he suggests, be open to doing it and don't refuse unless you absolutely have to (don't give away gov't secrets, for example). Good luck!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ask him from time to time if he wants to check your email and phone. Ask him if he'd like you to take a lie detector test. ALWAYS check in with him if you're ever going to be not where you expected to, or if you'll be home late. Ask him to go with you whereever you have to go. Go to marriagebuilders.com and print out the Love Buster and Emotional Needs questionnaires, and ask him to fill them out; it will tell you what YOU do that he doesn't like, and what his top needs are; once you know, work on eliminating any LBs you do to him, and make sure you're meeting all his top ENs. That will go a long way.


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## lisakifttherapy (Jul 31, 2007)

The bottom line is you hurt him and the trust breaches and wounds need to be healed. Remember that there is no formula for how long these things take. Be patient, loving, consistent and allow him to have his feelings for as long as he needs to. He may even seem to go on a rollercoaster ride with all of this. The most loving thing you can do is ride with him and don't get defensive. At some point he will probably understand that you are truly sorry as your actions will match your words.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

I have been in your loved one's shoes. What I have learned in trying to recover from the affair is that the only one who can heal it is the one who has caused it. My husband went above and beyond to regain my trust and we are happier than we've ever been. Make sure when he is sad that you tell him whatever he is thinking and feeling, you deserve and that you are sorry you've hurt him but are committed to your relationship and will make it up to him if it takes forever. It shouldn't.

Try to do things together like, painting or redecorating, which shows an investment in your life, together.

Best,

Lyn


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