# Wife doesn't like my beard



## cbachinger (Sep 13, 2007)

I need your opinions ladies.

I just recently grew my beard and I've received a lot of compliments from friends and work colleagues but not from the person closest to my heart.

She's told me twice which both times I said 'oops sorry honey!' And 'well I like it actually' and the 2nd time I almost said "Well we hardly ever kiss, so what's the problem?"
But because she didn't push I felt i shouldn't poke her too hard 😛

My question is, should she say again or push it, which I doubt, as it isn't really affecting her (she said it makes me look square and I'm a 6 foot slim guy), what would you reply if I said about the kissing?

BTW, she, by nature, isn't the romantic type and we truly hardly kiss.

Thank you ladies 🙂


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

OK, she isn't romantic and you hardly ever kiss. There is more to disliking a beard than kissing though. Do you have sex? Because it sound to me like she is telling you that she is less attracted to you with the beard. It's great that friends, colleagues, etc compliment the beard but is that worth it if she is not going to want sex with you while you have it??

If she did some weird flock of seagulls thing with her hair and all her friends loved it but it gave you a serious boner deflation would you ask her to change it?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

If you want your wife to be attracted to you, shave the beard.

If you want to kiss your wife, shave the beard. 

If you don't care about any of this, get a divorce.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

If you like it, keep it.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

Just my two cents. I've worn a beard for many years because my wife likes it (I don't care for trimming it every day). I've shaved it off a few times but grew it back out of popular demand. 

I worked in an accounting office and my COW's pretty much hated it (think white shirt & tie). You can't imagine the looks I got when I said my wife's opinion is more important - and it pretty much ended the discussion. 

Anyway, my point is that your wife's opinion (as your life partner) should be a primary concern to you and therefore receive a lot of consideration. Marriage is complicated ....somethings are worth fighting over etc. Only you can decide. 

Is there any negotiation: close trim .... or wear it for a month or two and shave it ....


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I much prefer men without beards. Unless they are kept very short and neat they can look messy and can make the man look older. 
Thankfully my husband has never had a beard. My first husband sometimes had a beard and tashe and I hated kissing it. So scratchy.

If you care what your wife thinks then get rid of it.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

My advice is simple (the rationalization for it is more complex).
Don't believe that shaving your beard will get you more sex or more kissing.

Now when you take that out of the equation is the decision easier?

I'll make it even simpler.
Wearing a beard makes you happy.
Being married to your wife does not make you happy.
Which one is the real priority?

A few other pro beard points.
Your body hair (face is part of your body) is your business and no one should pressure you to change the way you groom it.
You shouldn't be expected to shave your face because you would have to use a mirror to see what you are doing.
If God is offended by my beard may he smite it off of my face and may it never shade my visage again.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Oops, I forgot to answer your question.
No do not tell her that since you hardly ever kiss it shouldn't matter. 
She will take it as a reprimand or assault. From that point on your beard will represent your displeasure with her sexual preference (asexual).
If you want to wear a beard, you do it because you like it. It really has nothing to do with her as you said "well I like it actually". Don't apologize for being you.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

cbachinger said:


> I need your opinions ladies.
> 
> I just recently grew my beard and I've received a lot of compliments from friends and work colleagues but not from the person closest to my heart.
> 
> ...


I think the comment about the kissing would be really passive aggressive and would not serve you well. She told you already she didn’t like how it looked, not how it felt. Speak to her directly about the lack of intimacy (kissing) as it’s own issue since it clearly has nothing to do with your beard. 

Are you grooming it or pulling one of these Julian Edelman overgrown things? He is the hottest guy on the planet and he lost adoration with the hot mess he had on his face. 

This is a tough one honestly. I love beards (properly groomed). My first husband shaved his off the day before our engagement photo shoot. He looked awful and I cried. This should have been hint #11 that I should not have married him if his facial hair impacted my feelings so much. My second husband has had facial hair since we got together. One day he came down clean shaven and it was a shock. I did not like it - but I do like him - so I told him how handsome he looked. He really liked how he looked and felt and was able to spend less time manscaping his face. His kids hated it however and one day his oldest daughter asked him to grow it back because he didn’t look like him and it was freaking them out. So he grew it back. I got what I wanted because I think he looks uber sexy with it, but I was able to not be an unsupportive *******. I am sure I would have adjusted to it in time if he didn’t grow it back.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Mr. Nail said:


> My advice is simple (the rationalization for it is more complex).
> Don't believe that shaving your beard will get you more sex or more kissing.



I hadn't read your earlier posts when I responded earlier today. After looking back at a previous thread where you complained about your wife never wanting sex, I'd agree with Mr Nail. She is probably latching onto this as her latest excuse for not wanting sex. If you weren't getting sex before the beard and you're not getting sex after the beard, it really makes no difference. Keep your beard if it makes you happy.


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## cbachinger (Sep 13, 2007)

Thank you to all your posts 🙂

I understand now that the lack of kissing and having a beard have no connections whether being influenced or not; she simply is not a romantic and doesn't like beards. And my proposed response would therefore indeed too passive aggressive.

In the end, she wouldn't see me not shaving as an act of deviance, simply that I prefer it anyway and it doesn't affect our marriage or her personal well-being.

All is well between us anyway btw...thank you!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I love beards! My husband grew his last year and I love it. He commented he was going to shave it off a few weeks ago and I was like "noooooooo!!" so he didn't, lol.

But in all honesty, if he really wanted to shave it off, well, it's his face after all. But I love trimming it...I love the look of it too - I think it makes him look younger.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Keep it... I have one right now! Very short and going grey... gives me a very distinguished look... :laugh:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Is that your picture?

If it is, lose the beard, would be my advice.

It makes you look like Harry the Happy Hipster. 

I would look at a compromise. Goatee, sideburns, perhaps?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Does she shave every, I mean every, day "down below" and everywhere else?

I'm being a bit facetious but, unless a person shaves every single day of their life, one can't know what it's really like for a man to shave his face six to seven times a week.

I'm serious about that, really. 

Yes, obviously I know women shave legs, usually underarms routinely and that can be a hassle.

But, that's not near as frequent as a man, who wants to stay crisply groomed, has to shave if he chooses the clean shaven look.

Now all that said (😉 whew!!)

If H wants to grow and have a well groomed beard, he should. 

All my career I've had to maintain a clean shaven look, fir good career environment and career advancements. 

Now, I didn't really care, just one more thing to do for work. Think IBM environment. 

But DW always wanted me to grow a beard, but I chose keeping shaved for work, and not a deal breaker for DW. That would be a joke.

Now fast forward to about five years ago, when the short beard, stubble, beards, became more acceptable in the workplace, and I've grown a short beard.

Granted it's mostly gray now 😁😁😁 

The big plus is I now don't have to shave every day. 

That's great!

If you're W is saying things like shell never want to kiss you, that's up to her.

It may be not what she's used to, or she has other reasons, but she'll get acclimated. 

If causes huge problems then it's not the beard. It's something else.

By the way I'm slim too, 6'3" 175lbs. Although I didn't get what that has to do with the price of beans.

Hang in there!

High


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Bluesclues said:


> I think the comment about the kissing would be really passive aggressive and would not serve you well. She told you already she didn’t like how it looked, not how it felt. Speak to her directly about the lack of intimacy (kissing) as it’s own issue since it clearly has nothing to do with your beard.


Exactly this


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

cbachinger said:


> I need your opinions ladies.
> 
> I just recently grew my beard and I've received a lot of compliments from friends and work colleagues but not from the person closest to my heart.
> 
> ...


Drop the beard. Start dating and kissing your W.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Yeswecan said:


> Drop the beard. Start dating and kissing your W.


Don't drop the beard keep it trimmed, some good beard product, ensure it's not frizzy or prickly, kiss your wife anytime you want.

Trust me; if she doesn't want to embrace and kiss you it's not the beard.

There are deeper issues if this is a problem. 

Make her tell you what the problems are.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Shave the beard, see what her reaction is. Kiss her and see how she responds. If she still doesn't like you to kiss her my guess would be it wasn't the beard in the first place and there is some other reason she doesn't want to kiss.


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## RachaelMich (Apr 28, 2019)

I hate beards. I really really hate them. My husband grew his out and had this f--king thing on our 10th anniversary cruise. I literally wanted to throw up every time I saw it. Then he had a pic made of the two of us with his gdamn beard and gave it to me for Christmas. I also told him when we were dating that I hated beards. He doesn't like short hair. My hair is long. I keep it that way for him. 

oh wait - this is about you.

Shave it. Or don't. But it may be a really big deal to her.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

If she really doesn't like the beard, I would shave it. 

I guess the bigger question is how is the rest of your marriage? *Do you care if she likes your beard?* You sound a little resentful of her never kissing. (I would be too.) Do you try to give her a kiss and she turns away? I'm just thinking there might be much bigger issues here than whether or not you wear a beard.

With that said I have never understood couples where one person is indifferent to the other's opinion on things like beard, hair, clothes, tattoos, etc. My instinct is to want my partner to find me attractive and humor them as much as possible (within my own comfort zone) on all things "appearance."

Oh and NO do NOT make that passive aggressive snarky comment about kissing. However, another time when the beard is not at issue I think you should tell her that you LOVE kissing her and would like to share more kisses. Just don't present it as an accusation - "you never kiss me anyhow." And remember, you're the man. If you want to kiss your wife, kiss your wife! Unless she objects then you need to get to the bottom of it.



cbachinger said:


> I need your opinions ladies.
> 
> I just recently grew my beard and I've received a lot of compliments from friends and work colleagues but not from the person closest to my heart.
> 
> ...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Keep the beard, neatly trimmed, and yourself properly groomed.

Kiss her more than ever. At will. Anytime. Purposefully and passionately when desired, casual and quicker in mixed company.

Take control of that sh$! now, because it's not, repeat not really the beard that she says is keeping her from being kiss friendly.

Kiss her so often that whatever it is finally comes into the open.

Or, she'll have a change of heart, if you're a good kisser and groper.

Or you a man or a flower?

Something else is up. It ain't just you having a beard.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

My wife is the person I most care about being attracted to me, so I'm happy to dress and have the sort of bears she likes (within reason).


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

You have to decide what is more important to you.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I have very mixed feelings.

On one hand, I am the kind of person who will ask my hubby if he likes a particular kind of haircut before I get it. I just changed my hair slightly, and he and I looked at pictures lol.

That said, as much as I do not like scraggly beards, I would never REJECT my husband over facial hair (or lack thereof). Yes, we want to be attractive to our spouses, but there comes a point where it just gets...controlling and shrewish. Like the vehemence with which someone upthread reacted to a husband's beard on a cruise. Good grief - it's freaking HAIR! I married the man!

Then the idea that your beard is more important than your marriage. It could be just as easily said that your wife considers a clean shaven face to be more important than your marriage.

Honestly, I'd sit down and try to negotiate a middle ground. 

And by all means, kiss your wife. If she didn't want to touch you, she shouldn't have married you.

Either the kissing is not about the beard, or she is just shallow and shrewish.


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

i have a nice beard (i think)...sometimes i keep it thin and neat, sometimes let it grow out. At first my wife didn't care much for it but over time she's warmed and now prefers. A few weeks ago had a 'shaving incident' which required me to shave it all off and start from scratch. Wife jokingly told me i looked like a hairless cat and asked how long it would take to grow out  

One other thing...kissing is one thing and maybe i'm reading way to much in...but seeking validation or approval from the mrs. is a surefire attraction killer. You be you and let her love you for it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

BigDigg said:


> i have a nice beard (i think)...sometimes i keep it thin and neat, sometimes let it grow out. At first my wife didn't care much for it but over time she's warmed and now prefers. A few weeks ago had a 'shaving incident' which required me to shave it all off and start from scratch. Wife jokingly told me i looked like a hairless cat and asked how long it would take to grow out
> 
> One other thing...kissing is one thing and maybe i'm reading way to much in...but seeking validation or approval from the mrs. is a surefire attraction killer. You be you and let her love you for it.


Yep.

I've always, I mean always had a mustache. 

But only a beard the last 6 years.

Once I shaved the mustache and got the look like a hairless cat comment. 

😂😂😂


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Wish I could grow a beard. It would be a gnarly one indeed if i could. 

That said, I've always been on the side of doing things for your spouse if its not that big of a deal. Takes 30 seconds to run a razor over your face. Then again, my wife wouldn't care either way with facial hair. She likes a nice clean and manicured little fella. So I keep all that nice and neat for her. She does the same for me down there. Neither of us demand it of each other, but it does make a difference in activities. Nobody likes to stop what they are doing to pull hair out of their teeth every 5 seconds. Kind of a mood killer. If I'm sporting a Bob Ross afro down there, can't expect her to to want to suck on that lolly pop, you know? A "happy little bush" belongs on a Bob Ross painting, not in your pants IMO.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Shaving your beard cuz wifey didn't take to it, isn't that the definition of p---y whipped? Of course, that is assuming you don't look like you are growing pubes on your face, then she is just looking out for your own well being.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

The OP hasn't been back to this thread since March.


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## SecondWind (May 10, 2019)

If you had to choose, do you like your wife or your beard better?


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