# Husband not so handy



## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Hello everyone, my first post here after finding this site a few weeks ago. My husband is not very good at home repairs yet doesn't want me to call a repairman. We have so many half-done jobs it is driving me crazy. I'm considering just telling him when I call the repairman and he can either finish the job or let someone else do it. Money is not an issue, I think he just over estimates his talents with hand tools. Has anybody had this issue and solved it without a big blow up?


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## invited4doubles69 (Mar 21, 2013)

I've had the same problem - my hubs seems to think that since he took woodshop in high school and helped his dad with some random projects around the house that he's Mr. Handy. I currently have 1 1/2 built coffee table in the garage, 1 "home office" covered in plastic draping and primer, and a basement full of half finished wall trim. He said he was going to check the furnace and the A/C but never did, nor did he ever change the oil on the snowblower (boy wasn't that fun in this Midwest winter), and we had to call the original owners to figure out why the dishwasher wasn't working (water wasn't hooked up). I've just learned to be patient with him and improvise - I'll do the laundry if you go work on the coffee table. We're getting there. He gets bored and wants to move on to something else a lot, so I let him... as long as its to something productive.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

I'm the Mrs. Handy in our house, but when I can't fix something or mess up, H just calls in a professional (my father. The man can fix _anything_). Doesn't ask me, just does it. It's better that way, because I can pretend that I _could _have fixed it if he'd just given me more time and therefore preserve my ego.

So, that's my advice. Your husband knows he either can't do it or doesn't really want to, but doesn't want to admit it. Just call in a pro and let him pretend to be mad, knowing that he's secretly relieved you took care of it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I have a lot of honey dos. I have no problem with us bringing in professional help within reason. I would however if I felt I was being disrespected.

I mean I was fine when my wife hired that nice looking guy to be our pool guy. But a few weeks in I realized, we did not have a pool.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

He's not good or he's too slow? I couldn't really tell from your description. By not good I mean of lesser quality than your typical pro would do. That's a problem because it affects resale, and possibly safety as well. If he's too slow, then cut him some slack. A DIYer can be slow and still do a good job. One reason we are slower is that we don't necessarily have all of the tools needed or all of the parts on hand. Another reason that a pro is faster is simply that practice makes you faster though not necessarily better. 

I did my own wiring on our addition (yes, it passed inspection, thank you very much) and my own carpentry (that passed, too), but I have no interest in plumbing. I've done it in the past and I just hate it, so we call the plumber when needed. If I had been working for a homeowner or as a subcontractor I would have been fired for taking so long. I do it right, but at my pace. 

It also doesn't help that my wife interrupts me while I'm working and also expects me to keep pace with my normal chores while I'm doing a project. I mean, here I am standing on a ladder with a light fixture in one hand and wire nuts in the other, trying to bolt the fixture to the ceiling and she calls me to clean up a hair ball that the cat just deposited on the floor because she's 'too busy' (translation: wrapped up in Facebook) to do it, and she wonders why it's taking me so long to finish. So when your guy is doing a project, pretend he's a pro and don't interrupt him. Things will go better.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Bless his heart my husband is too slow and not good at it. I have never told him he's not good at it, I don't want to hurt his feelings. Our house is 15 years old and little repairs are starting to pile up. I think I will try to just sneak some little repairs in and see how it goes, maybe he won't be as upset as he says he would be.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Just avoid any weird situations where your husband is feeling disrespected. I know this sounds like coddling a fragile male ego but I am talking about a situation where another man is brought in like a friend and who is praised while her hubby is diminsihed. That can get awkward.

It can even get awkward with professionals. Like when a hubby comes home from work daily to find his wife entertaining the guy who has been working in the house all day with her. Like they are bonding a little too much if you catch my drift. The relationship needs to stay professional and appropriate boundaries should be in place. Just my opinion.

I like to do projects with my wife. We do a lot of these together. So we get a lot of bonding time in during these.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

Why don't you learn to do it yourself. Just because he's the guy doesn't mean he will magically be good at repairs. I have a very old house and with the help of our local hardware guys I have learned how to do plumbing, tiling, electrical, drywall, you name it i can do it as well or better than someone I'd hire. Figure out how to do it yourself and tell him you want to do the projects together. It will give you great quality time!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I wonder if my H hired a maid and then they laughed about how badly I cleaned the house... Would this upset me? probably, but having a clean house and not having to do it myself might make up for it... Not sure. I think I might have to actually experience this to know for sure.

I think with your H it might be an ownership that he just can't relinquish yet. It could also have a lot to do with not accurately estimating his free time and the length of time the project takes.

This is a talk it out kind of thing. List the repairs, rate the irritation factor, rate the time estimate, rate the estimate cost, come to agreements... Once you get started you'll zip through those lists in no time!


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

OMG I would never laugh at my husbands work. That would be incredibly hurtful. My many attempts over the years to put together ikea furniture with horrific results have proven to me that this is not a strength of mine. If anything I probably over praise my husbands handiwork. I am going to go after the time issue, he works 60 hours a week so maybe I can convince him to let go of some of these chores for his own good.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Giro flee said:


> OMG I would never laugh at my husbands work. That would be incredibly hurtful. My many attempts over the years to put together ikea furniture with horrific results have proven to me that this is not a strength of mine. If anything I probably over praise my husbands handiwork. *I am going to go after the time issue, he works 60 hours a week so maybe I can convince him to let go of some of these chores for his own good.*


Wondermous. I am better at what I do for work than at some of these other things.

We just hired professionals to lay laminate flooring on our upstairs. We could have done ourselves. But they did a great job. I do not have to dedicate long hours of hard work and engergy to do it. Win-win. If we did not have the money then I could have made a case to do it myself. A value proposition.

It is not easy to work 60 - 80 hours a weeks and do these other projects.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

I've seen some Groupons for "2 hours of handyman work". Maybe you could tell your H that you got a great deal on sale and wouldn't it be great to get a few of these things done so he doesn't have to because he works so hard already!

Either that or like Anon said, sit down, make a list, prioritize and set a schedule. If you H wants to do it, fine, but then you need to come to an agreement on when it will be done. If it doesn't get done, then you are free to move to plan B (professional).


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

waiwera said:


> My hubby is very handy...but time poor.
> 
> So if I can't do the job myself I tell him " if so and so isn't done by so and so date I'm going to get a 'little' man in".
> 
> ...


A master at work you are!


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Maybe after the repairman fixes my gutters I will be so excited I will need to give my husband a fabulous bj to burn off my extra energy, maybe that will be a positive reinforcement .


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Interesting thread.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

:lol::rofl:


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Buffalo chicken wings, that's my "positive reinforcement/manipulation method" of choice. 

Also maybe you can set a house rule about these things in advance, ones that outline the conditions under which you can call a pro, no discussion required. I'm thinking something like, "If it's not done in X months," Or, "If sparks start flying," or, "If water floods enough to leak to a lower level," or, "If, in the event of an exterior repair, neighbors start complaining and/or our home is mocked on social media." Then you can just say, "sorry I have to call someone, it's the rules!"


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

Giro flee said:


> Hello everyone, my first post here after finding this site a few weeks ago. My husband is not very good at home repairs yet doesn't want me to call a repairman. We have so many half-done jobs it is driving me crazy. I'm considering just telling him when I call the repairman and he can either finish the job or let someone else do it. Money is not an issue, I think he just over estimates his talents with hand tools. Has anybody had this issue and solved it without a big blow up?


I call the repair person and they come out. I don't see why your husband would care, it's not as if he wants to finish his projects. What is the problem??


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

waiwera said:


> My hubby is very handy...but time poor.
> 
> So if I can't do the job myself I tell him " if so and so isn't done by so and so date I'm going to get a 'little' man in".
> 
> ...


I love the way you think Waiwera..my wife does the same thing.


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

northernlights said:


> Buffalo chicken wings, that's my "positive reinforcement/manipulation method" of choice.
> 
> Also maybe you can set a house rule about these things in advance, ones that outline the conditions under which you can call a pro, no discussion required. I'm thinking something like, "If it's not done in X months," Or, "If sparks start flying," or, "If water floods enough to leak to a lower level," or, "If, in the event of an exterior repair, neighbors start complaining and/or our home is mocked on social media." Then you can just say, "sorry I have to call someone, it's the rules!"


*I love chicken wings! *


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Yes a BJ solves many a DIY problem!
Who says using sex as bribery is wrong.
"Do me a favour babe will you paint the living room this weekend? Ill make it worth your while!" 
Works every time, and saves money!


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Yes a BJ solves many a DIY problem!
> Who says using sex as bribery is wrong.
> "Do me a favour babe will you paint the living room this weekend? Ill make it worth your while!"
> Works every time, and saves money!


*Oh God. You mean I've been doing this bj thing out of pure desire, when I could have used it for currency? [email protected]! I never knew.*


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Does "Husband Not So Handy" mean he is always master of his domain? (No "M")

...just some Friday night, red wine humor....sorry. 

Please continue...


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