# Need desperate help on dealing with abusive wife.



## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

I'm in a real bind and have no clue what to do, well, I do have one idea but not sure how well it would work. Anyway, on to my issue:

My wife and I are both 28 and have a 3 year old daughter, been married for a little over 4 years. While my wife has always had a temper lately as in the past year she's gotten very mean and nasty to the point of hitting me over and over whether it's in the legs, back, head, neck etc. I have never hit my wife, but when she gets angry now hitting me is her go to thing. The issue is that I am a 6' big guy and my wife is a 5'2 small woman who when hits barely leaves a light mark if anything.

Often times we can just be on the couch and she'll just start hitting me over and over; I've even locked myself in the bathroom to get away. She isn't afraid to do this in front of our daughter either and she'll start crying when she does. I have never seen my wife hit our daughter most likely because unlike hitting me she knows she could leave bruises on our daughter and get in big trouble. 

Now many may say when she starts hitting me why not call the police? Because you all know darn well when it's a big guy like me and a small woman like her in practice the cops won't do anything, in fact, my wife like so many other women is a MASTER of turning on the niagra falls of tears when needed. So even IF I were to call the police this is EXACTLY how it'd go down:

Calls cops
Wife continues hitting me
Wife sees police car roll up
Wife stops hitting, runs to corner of house, turns on water works
Police come in at which point my wife points at me saying I hit her
Police take ME to jail, leaving our 3 year old daughter to be alone with wife. Not saying even then my wife would hit her but I can't say for sure.

Surely ladies, you see just how much of a catch-22 it is for a man that is one the deals with physical assault from a woman. In theory sure a man should be able to have a woman arrested for assault as much as a woman can do for a man but in reality that isn't further from the truth. 

While I am happy to get suggestions there is one thing I thought of:

Getting a few of those nanny cams, hiding one in the living room, one in our bedroom, and one in the kitchen 3 places my wife has assaulted me on numerous occasions. Then after getting significant footage taking it up to the police department, surely that would work, right?

Most of all though I am worried for our daughter and that my wife will eventually start hitting her as well. 

I'm in a bad place now and desperately looking for help!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You're making excuses on how it might happen. Get a var or hidden camera. What are you afraid off?

It's obvious who is in control here. Get your proof and have her committed or arrested. She can't hurt you but you have a young child to think of. This is your responsibility.

You need to end this. 

How long has this been going on? The reason I ask is usually when a spouse turns on another it's because someone else is in the mix.


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

Marc878 said:


> You're making excuses on how it might happen. Get a var or hidden camera. What are you afraid off?
> 
> It's obvious who is in control here. Get your proof and have her committed or arrested. She can't hurt you but you have a young child to think of. This is your responsibility.
> 
> ...


Making excuses how it may happen? It IS how it will happen. Believe me she has used this ruse to get what she wants many times before. I remember last year my wife wanted some shopping money and made up some sad story complete with tears to her mother who gave her money for a problem that didn't exist. She was crying the whole time yet as soon as her mother closed the door she laughed and acted all happy she played her mother and went straight to the mall.

I want to get some hidden cams but not sure how I'd hide them. My wife will yell and scream at our daughter when she gets frustrated, heck, it was just 2 days ago she was yelling at our daughter I told my wife to stop yelling at her and she proceeded to yell at me "Don't tell me what to do!!" then started hitting me, I ended up grabbing our daughter and leaving the house for a few hours. Until my wife called me saying I either come back or she'll call the police and tell them I have been abusing her and our daughter.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Describe in more detail what happens leading up to her attacking you and how long does it go on for? Are you both arguing and she hits when you keep disagreeing? Are you just talking and she snaps and attacks you? What do you do when she hits you? Do you leave, does she follow you?

Yes she may hit your daughter. Right now she is too little, and probably doesn't provoke her mother because she can't disagree like adults can. Hitting is now her habit and she will resort to doing it to your daughter for the same reasons she does it to you, although it may be until she is older.

Recording sounds like a good idea. Check the laws in your area about recording without consent, but police can still view it to see that you didn't hit her. Maybe show your wife first to see if it shames her and lets her see how ugly it really is. 

Are you planning to stay with her? What do you say to your wife to make it clear her behavior is unacceptable. Can you require her to enroll in anger management? Perhaps show her a recording and tell her you will show a family member too if she doesn't enroll in therapy. Even if you no longer want to be with her, use some leverage while you can because she is the mother of your child. Even without custody her temper could affect your daughter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

So what are you gonna do live in fear of her threats????

See a social worker on how to handle this. Make a visit to the police ask the same questions.

If they have a background it'll help. Cut out the excuses and get a plan together.

Yep you are making excuses for not doing anything. The Calvary isn't coming this is up to you to take care of.


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

Cecezakat said:


> Describe in more detail what happens leading up to her attacking you and how long does it go on for? Are you both arguing and she hits when you keep disagreeing? Are you just talking and she snaps and attacks you? What do you do when she hits you? Do you leave, does she follow you?


It can go on for 10-15 minutes. As for when she starts hitting, it really doesn't matter if we are having an argument or I am just sitting by myself on the couch watching TV she'll just start hitting me over and over, of course doing no real damage but still it isn't fun having someone keep hitting you like a small child over and over several times a week. As I said, sometimes I have locked myself in the bathroom because when she does start hitting she will ALWAYS follow me. Hell, even when I have locked myself in the bathroom she'll continue banging on the door yelling.



> Yes she may hit your daughter. Right now she is too little, and probably doesn't provoke her mother because she can't disagree like adults can. Hitting is now her habit and she will resort to doing it to your daughter for the same reasons she does it to you, although it may be until she is older.


Probably you are right. I really worry about our daughter.



> Recording sounds like a good idea. Check the laws in your area about recording without consent, but police can still view it to see that you didn't hit her. Maybe show your wife first to see if it shames her and lets her see how ugly it really is.


My wife has no shame so I guarantee showing her won't change anything, hell as I said above she has no problem deceiving her own mother to get what she wants. And she is a MASTER at deception and playing the victim if necessary.



> Are you planning to stay with her? What do you say to your wife to make it clear her behavior is unacceptable. Can you require her to enroll in anger management? Perhaps show her a recording and tell her you will show a family member too if she doesn't enroll in therapy. Even if you no longer want to be with her, use some leverage while you can because she is the mother of your child. Even without custody her temper could affect your daughter.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Honestly I don't want to stay with her but I don't want to lose our daughter and even if I get joint custody my wife will still have her alone and I worry she'll start hitting her then. 

As for what I have said to show it's unacceptable, seriously? You REALLY think *I* have to tell *HER* that it is unacceptable to hit someone? Especially when she goes off on these tangents. I highly doubt many would say a woman that gets hit by her man should be sure to tell him hitting in unacceptable.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> It can go on for 10-15 minutes. As for when she starts hitting, it really doesn't matter if we are having an argument or I am just sitting by myself on the couch watching TV she'll just start hitting me over and over, of course doing no real damage but still it isn't fun having someone keep hitting you like a small child over and over several times a week. As I said, sometimes I have locked myself in the bathroom because when she does start hitting she will ALWAYS follow me. Hell, even when I have locked myself in the bathroom she'll continue banging on the door yelling.
> 
> 
> Probably you are right. I really worry about our daughter.
> ...


I did not say tell I said "show". There is zero consequence for her actions. Not only does she continue hitting you but you are allowing your daughter to witness everything. You are making a choice to subject your daughter to an abusive home environment. You need to get her away from this abuse immediately. 

You sound like you have a victim mentality. Not only are you staying around an abusive, manipulative person but you are talking as if you have no power to rescue you and your daughter from this situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

Cecezakat said:


> I did not say tell I said "show". There is zero consequence for her actions. Not only does she continue hitting you but you are allowing your daughter to witness everything. You are making a choice to subject your daughter to an abusive home environment. You need to get her away from this abuse immediately.
> 
> You sound like you have a victim mentality. Not only are you staying around an abusive, manipulative person but you are talking as if you have no power to rescue you and your daughter from this situation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Okay so say right now I just grab my daughter and hit the road and tell my wife I will not be back until she gets better and she calls the police for kidnapping and I get arrested, you going to bail me out and act as a defense? 

When, as a man the court system IS so heavily stacked against me what "power" do I have? I take my daughter away I will end up in jail so if that means I have a "victim mentality" then I guess so.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I like your idea of nanny cams throughout the house. Also a VAR or at least start recording on your phone when she starts raging. 

I agree with you. The odds are stacked against you as a man in this situation. So get as much evidence as you can to protect both you and your daughter. Document, document, document. Then see a lawyer and get the hell out. I'm so sorry you're here.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> Okay so say right now I just grab my daughter and hit the road and tell my wife I will not be back until she gets better and she calls the police for kidnapping and I get arrested, you going to bail me out and act as a defense?
> 
> When, as a man the court system IS so heavily stacked against me what "power" do I have? I take my daughter away I will end up in jail so if that means I have a "victim mentality" then I guess so.


Have you had this happen to you already? Police see people all the time and are able to tell who is lying and who isn't. Your wife may appear emotional and sad but it doesn't mean she can tell a consistent story. Police are answering calls for DV all the time, they have experience reading these situations. 

You will look and sound like a worried and shocked father/husband who is concerned about his daughter because that's true. I doubt your behavior will at all resemble a man who attacks his wife. Your wife will look hyper emotional, crying and trying to use a big display of emotions to manipulate the officer.

You are legally responsible for protecting your daughter and you absolutely can be charged for allowing your daughter to remain with an abuser. 

If it seems risky to you, it is a risk worth taking. Keep a camera in the home if you want assurance. Your wife won't have marks on her and if you secretly dial 911 she won't have enough time to hurt herself and blame it on you. Even if she did, police can sometimes clearly see it was self inflicted due to position and anglem otherwise they can make a judgment based on the fact that she is over emotional and you are very collected.

Also if you lock yourself in the bathroom why can't you dial 911, say nothing and let the operator hear your wife banging on the door and yelling? Perhaps she will hear your daughter crying too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> Okay so say right now I just grab my daughter and hit the road and tell my wife I will not be back until she gets better and she calls the police for kidnapping and I get arrested, you going to bail me out and act as a defense?
> 
> When, as a man the court system IS so heavily stacked against me what "power" do I have? I take my daughter away I will end up in jail so if that means I have a "victim mentality" then I guess so.


Drive to the police station. Cut your excuses.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> Okay so say right now I just grab my daughter and hit the road and tell my wife I will not be back until she gets better and she calls the police for kidnapping and I get arrested, you going to bail me out and act as a defense?
> 
> When, as a man the court system IS so heavily stacked against me what "power" do I have? I take my daughter away I will end up in jail so if that means I have a "victim mentality" then I guess so.


Legally, you both have equal custody until there is a court order in place. You cannot kidnap your kids as things currently stand. 

However, I do agree that it's not a good idea to just leave with the kids right now. You do that and she'll get unsupervised parenting time. What you need is evidence that the court cannot ignore of her repeated abusive behaviors.

Get those nanny cams and get a VAR, too. You need evidence or it's just a he said, she said.


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> I like your idea of nanny cams throughout the house. Also a VAR or at least start recording on your phone when she starts raging.
> 
> I agree with you. The odds are stacked against you as a man in this situation. So get as much evidence as you can to protect both you and your daughter. Document, document, document. Then see a lawyer and get the hell out. I'm so sorry you're here.


THANK YOU!!!! That is EXACTLY how I feel! I do plan on documenting but I just hate that until such time as I get the cams, set them up and get plenty of footage/documentation I have little choice but to let my wife abuse me and our daughter. I don't care what ANYONE says, cops come in to see a big 6' man standing while this small 5'2 tiny woman is crying her eyes out they WILL take me down, and I will be handcuffed, sent to jail and have an arrest record for the rest of my life. 

I'll never forget an incident that happened and one BIG reason I do not trust the police on DV issues: when I was 24 I had a friend that dealt with similar stuff but it was his gf and no kids thankfully, she would get very mad and throw things at him, well one night she threw a glass plate at his head hitting him bleeding at which point he grabbed her arms and just held her down till she stopped. Soon as he let go she called the police they came over and she showed them the light bruises and said that she struck him to get him off her, he was denied medical attention and spent 3 days in jail and by the time he got back to their apt she had sold lots of his stuff and had left. 

He ended up losing his job, had to take himself to the ER for his head wound and she started spreading lies he was an abuser, which considering he was arrested was easy for people to believe. He ended up becoming very depressed and ended up hanging himself. It sent shivers down my spine. Much as we would love to think police will always be fair and balanced when judging DV cases they pretty much have a "throw the man in jail regardless of the facts" carte blanche attitude.


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## Slow Hand (Oct 4, 2015)

My wife used to be that bad and it's gotten a lot better over time. I finally figured out it's related to that time of the month and just stayed clear for a couple of weeks. It's like PMS in overdrive and it's called PMDD. She hasn't been clinically diagnosed, but it sure fits. Many of the stories I can relate to from other husbands going through this on those forums.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Slow Hand said:


> My wife used to be that bad and it's gotten a lot better over time. I finally figured out it's related to that time of the month and just stayed clear for a couple of weeks. It's like PMS in overdrive and it's called PMDD. She hasn't been clinically diagnosed, but it sure fits. Many of the stories I can relate to from other husbands going through this on those forums.


There is treatment for PMDD. I was diagnosed with it when my youngest was 2 and was on a drug called Sarafem for 2 years. (It's in the Prozac family). 

OP, I agree with @lucy999. Get a VAR and start getting some of these rages recorded. You do NOT want to get into a situation where your wife has custody of your daughter. 

Is your wife abusing drugs?


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

As I would advise anyone...

You do not deserve to be hit or abused plus you have a baby/child..You need to leave your abuser and you need protect you child an yourself.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> I'll never forget an incident that happened and one BIG reason I do not trust the police on DV issues: when I was 24 I had a friend that dealt with similar stuff but it was his gf and no kids thankfully, she would get very mad and throw things at him, well one night she threw a glass plate at his head hitting him bleeding at which point he grabbed her arms and just held her down till she stopped. Soon as he let go she called the police they came over and she showed them the light bruises and said that she struck him to get him off her, he was denied medical attention and spent 3 days in jail and by the time he got back to their apt she had sold lots of his stuff and had left.
> 
> He ended up losing his job, had to take himself to the ER for his head wound and she started spreading lies he was an abuser, which considering he was arrested was easy for people to believe. He ended up becoming very depressed and ended up hanging himself. It sent shivers down my spine. Much as we would love to think police will always be fair and balanced when judging DV cases they pretty much have a "throw the man in jail regardless of the facts" carte blanche attitude.


First, I'm sorry you lost your friend.

The police did not throw him in jail regardless of the facts. The fact was she was first to call the police and they both had marks on them. Her marks indicated being held down. Since she called the police first the police believed her side. 

This is really not at all like your case. You have said your wife doesn't cause you injury and you don't touch her at all. You lock yourself in the bathroom. And I know your 3 year old will be a dead give away that your wife is the abuser. Tell me she doesn't cling to you and look at her mother terrified? Tell me how the police would throw you in jail if you dial 911 while locked in the bathroom, your wife's yelling and banging on the door, your daughter is crying, your wife doesn't know you are calling 911 and keeps going, the police show up and see you trapped in a bathroom with a three year old and your wife outside? Buy a second phone and hide it under the sink so your wife won't realize you have called the police. She won't have time to injury herself, you won't have touched her either so you think they will arrest you on her tears? 

Your friends gf had bruises from being held down and called the police instead of him calling. That was a hard one for them to call and easy to be wrong on. In that case they do favor the women, fearing that she is less capable of defending herself from a violent man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> There is treatment for PMDD. I was diagnosed with it when my youngest was 2 and was on a drug called Sarafem for 2 years. (It's in the Prozac family).
> 
> OP, I agree with @lucy999. Get a VAR and start getting some of these rages recorded. You do NOT want to get into a situation where your wife has custody of your daughter.
> 
> Is your wife abusing drugs?


It has nothing to do with her period at all. She does this crap often enough that she can't ALWAYS be on her period when she has these out bursts. She doesn't take any drugs or smoke or drink or anything like that, heck she is a vegetarian and goes running and exercises a lot. 

I looked up my states recording laws and found this:



> A person may intercept a wire, oral, or electronic communication when the person is a party to the conversation or when one party to the conversation has given prior consent.


So it seems according to this unless my wife knows beforehand she is being recorded it could be seen as inadmissible evidence, unless I am reading it wrong.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Is your wife abusing drugs?


I was going to ask the same thing. 

And OP, you must be patient and have a real good poker face while you're documenting and gathering. And I think people are under the impression that when we hear "document" it has to be signed in blood, notarized, and filed in triplicate. No. Just a mere log of the date and time and a brief description of the incident (if you cant record it) will be far more credible than her just denying everything and falsely accusing you of something. Be organized, stealthy, and patient.


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

lovelyblue said:


> As I would advise anyone...
> 
> You do not deserve to be hit or abused plus you have a baby/child..You need to leave your abuser and you need protect you child an yourself.


As many have said, to which I have said it isn't that simple. I just take my daughter and leave she will call the cops and they won't give a damn about what I say.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> It has nothing to do with her period at all. She does this crap often enough that she can't ALWAYS be on her period when she has these out bursts. She doesn't take any drugs or smoke or drink or anything like that, heck she is a vegetarian and goes running and exercises a lot.
> 
> I looked up my states recording laws and found this:
> 
> ...


PMDD in severe cases can be a 2 week ordeal. However your wife's seeming lack of empathy, manipulation and abuse may point in the direction of a personality disorder. 

The recording may not be hard evidence, although I don't believe 911 recordings follow this rule, but they can be used to get an officer to believe you version of events. If he believes you he can arrest her, no matter that the recording helped him form his decision. Its not like he will see your evidence and still arrest you not her because its not a lawfully obtained recording.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

Cecezakat said:


> First, I'm sorry you lost your friend.
> 
> The police did not throw him in jail regardless of the facts. The fact was she was first to call the police and they both had marks on them. Her marks indicated being held down. Since she called the police first the police believed her side.


Yes, they did. They could have noticed, oh, I dunno, THE GAPING WOUND ON HIS HEAD FROM A GLASS PLATE?? You really think had he been the abuser all she would have gotten is some light bruises while he got a gaping head wound? 



> Your friends gf had bruises from being held down and called the police instead of him calling. That was a hard one for them to call and easy to be wrong on. In that case they do favor the women, fearing that she is less capable of defending herself from a violent man.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So basically a man that gets hit by a woman and defends himself should just always accept the fact he will be the one arrested and given a arrest record? Seriously?? And even had he called first I HIGHLY doubt it would have mattered. I guess when it comes to DV men should just always accept the fact they'll always be the one to get screwed over, right?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Needofhelp28 said:


> I looked up my states recording laws and found this:
> 
> 
> So it seems according to this unless my wife knows beforehand she is being recorded it could be seen as inadmissible evidence, unless I am reading it wrong.


I'll readily admit I never understood one's hesitation to record based on the law. Can charges be filed against the person who recorded? I know we have experts here on TAM about this very subject and I hope they'll pop in here to educate. Because to me, if there's a child involved, I couldn't care less if it would be deemed inadmissible, it would at least shine a light on the problem in a more public way, thereby possibly getting help, right? Or is my thinking all wrong here?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Cecezakat said:


> PMDD in sever cases can be a 2 week ordeal. However your wife's seeming lack of empathy, manipulation and abuse may point in the direction of a personality disorder.
> 
> The recording may not be hard evidence, although I don't believe 911 recordings follow this rule, but they can be used to get an officer to believe you version of events. If he believes you he can arrest her, no matter that the recording helped him form his decision. Its not like he will see your evidence and still arrest you not her because its not a lawfully obtained recording.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're correct about PMDD. It was a 2 week ordeal for me every month. I'm not saying that's what this woman has, just commenting on it.

Even if the VAR isn't admissible to get her arrested for domestic violence, a judge would most likely listen to it and take it into account for a custody case, so start recording.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

Needofhelp28 said:


> As many have said, to which I have said it isn't that simple. I just take my daughter and leave she will call the cops and they won't give a damn about what I say.


I know it's hard but you have to keep trying.

You don't want you daughter being abused. Or worse your dughter ending up being just like mom.


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

Cecezakat said:


> PMDD in sever cases can be a 2 week ordeal. However your wife's seeming lack of empathy, manipulation and abuse may point in the direction of a personality disorder.


Yeah well I think it's sad some here feel that the only reason a woman would behave this way is if she was having period issues. I mean, my god, don't women hate it when men ask if they are on their period when the woman is acting mean/nasty? 

Also VERY convenient excuse for bad behavior. I guess if I were a woman I could run someone over and say "be easy guys I have period issues!!!" or would you be willing to give a man as much leeway to his violent mean actions due to some health problem? I doubt it.



> The recording may not be hard evidence, although I don't believe 911 recordings follow this rule, but they can be used to get an officer to believe you version of events. If he believes you he can arrest her, no matter that the recording helped him form his decision. Its not like he will see your evidence and still arrest you not her because its not a lawfully obtained recording.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So then just how many beatings and yelling at our daughter should I get before I take it to the police? One incident? 5?


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> You're correct about PMDD. It was a 2 week ordeal for me every month. I'm not saying that's what this woman has, just commenting on it.
> 
> Even if the VAR isn't admissible to get her arrested for domestic violence, a judge would most likely listen to it and take it into account for a custody case, so start recording.


You know, don't get me wrong I can't stand men that hit women and would love it if guys that do got a beating within an inch of their life by all the cops but the fact is as it stands when it comes to DV women have all the power in the world and even if a man can get her arrested for DV it's only AFTER he's gone through ton's of hitting and humiliation. I really wish Feminists with all their equality talk would be willing to campaign for men's rights when it comes to DV and for women to not always be taken at their word when cops show up (unless it's blatantly obvious like she's covered in blood and broken nose etc.) and cry crocodile tears and get +50 instant sympathy points just for playing the professional victim as my wife does.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> Yes, they did. They could have noticed, oh, I dunno, THE GAPING WOUND ON HIS HEAD FROM A GLASS PLATE?? You really think had he been the abuser all she would have gotten is some light bruises while he got a gaping head wound?
> 
> 
> So basically a man that gets hit by a woman and defends himself should just always accept the fact he will be the one arrested and given a arrest record? Seriously?? And even had he called first I HIGHLY doubt it would have mattered. I guess when it comes to DV men should just always accept the fact they'll always be the one to get screwed over, right?


No not basically. You are again miscontruing what I said. I notice how you continue to ignore a viable option for capturing your wifes raging over a 911 call. I also know there is no way your daughter isnt frightened by her mother and that a police officer wouldn't see her hiding from your wife and clinging to you. You are ignoring viable options and sticking with a martyr attitude that there ia nothing at all to be done here. 

Would you prefer to wait until someone hears her raging and calls CPS? You will also be charged for not removing your daughter from a dangerous situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

Cecezakat said:


> No not basically. You are again miscontruing what I said. I notice how you continue to ignore a viable option for capturing your wifes raging over a 911 call. I also know there is no way your daughter isnt frightened by her mother and that a police officer wouldn't see her hiding from your wife and clinging to you. You are ignoring viable options and sticking with a martyr attitude that there ia nothing at all to be done here.


I never said there was nothing to be done, but just that as the man in the relationship I have a **** ton more to worry about possible repercussions of having police come out then my wife ever does. As a woman yourself that is something you never have to worry about. 



> Would you prefer to wait until someone hears her raging and calls CPS? You will also be charged for not removing your daughter from a dangerous situation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Really? Then why are there not far more women in prison right now for constantly staying or going back to abusive men with their children? I've never heard of a woman with children being charged for not removing their children from an abusive man they keep going back to or stay with.

Honestly, this whole BS crap is why if I had a time machine I'd take my daughter and go back to the '50s, when there was a DV issue the police wouldn't just come in and automatically take the guy down and label him a criminal.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> You know, don't get me wrong I can't stand men that hit women and would love it if guys that do got a beating within an inch of their life by all the cops but the fact is as it stands when it comes to DV women have all the power in the world and even if a man can get her arrested for DV it's only AFTER he's gone through ton's of hitting and humiliation. I really wish Feminists with all their equality talk would be willing to campaign for men's rights when it comes to DV and for women to not always be taken at their word when cops show up (unless it's blatantly obvious like she's covered in blood and broken nose etc.) and cry crocodile tears and get +50 instant sympathy points just for playing the professional victim as my wife does.



Male Victims of Domestic Violence - AARDVARC.org

Help for Abused Men: Escaping Domestic Violence by Women or Domestic Partners

There are campaigns. Police officers are getting educated about male victims of domestic violence.

No one is saying PMDD is an excuse for a woman's behavior. PMDD is real and something that can be treated with medication. Men who are abusive usually cause massive physical damage and are lethal. This cannot be treated with a medication since its not caused by any disorder. Incidences of women injuring a man to the point of hospitalization and death are rare. 1 man is hospitalied from a womans abuse compared to 46 women hospitalized from a mans abuse. Because of the low occurence of female on male abuse many look for disorders as a cause, not an excuse, simply because with treatment the abuse can end. I have never heard of a disorder that leads men to severly injure and kill women, where a simple medication would stop the abuse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I think you're right about the DV issue with regard to men and women, etc., but what exactly do you want from the fine folks here? You seem angry at US and we're not the ones hitting you! Just providing suggestions.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> I never said there was nothing to be done, but just that as the man in the relationship I have a **** ton more to worry about possible repercussions of having police come out then my wife ever does. As a woman yourself that is something you never have to worry about.
> 
> 
> Really? Then why are there not far more women in prison right now for constantly staying or going back to abusive men with their children? I've never heard of a woman with children being charged for not removing their children from an abusive man they keep going back to or stay with.
> ...


Yes a woman can be charged as well. Oftentimes they may not because facts show that a woman leaving an abusive man is at extremely high risk of being killed along with her children, if not severely injured. Who would add insult to injury by charging a woman in the hospital for severe injuries with endangering her child. It still can happen. 

Although men still have a right not to be abused, the vast majority of male victims of female abuse do not have to fear for the loss of their life and childs by leaving the abusive woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Well from what he's saying he can do nothing so I guess he'll just have to continue to let her wear him out. 

You've made an excuse for every suggestion so why are you here?

Whining about this isn't going to stop it.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> I never said there was nothing to be done, but just that as the man in the relationship I have a **** ton more to worry about possible repercussions of having police come out then my wife ever does. As a woman yourself that is something you never have to worry about.


Yes you are right. Women don't have to worry as much about being falsely arrested for DV. 

She has to worry about being killed or beaten close to death. Its a well known fact that a woman trying to leave an abusive man encounters the highest risk of being murdered for trying to leave. 

I would rather worry about being falsely sent to jail than worry about my abuser killing me for trying to escape his control. 

Men just have it so rough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I think you're right about the DV issue with regard to men and women, etc., but what exactly do you want from the fine folks here? You seem angry at US and we're not the ones hitting you! Just providing suggestions.


I'm just mainly venting now. Not angry at anyone just the BS situation I find myself in.


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

Cecezakat said:


> Yes a woman can be charged as well. Oftentimes they may not because facts show that a woman leaving an abusive man is at extremely high risk of being killed along with her children, if not severely injured. Who would add insult to injury by charging a woman in the hospital for severe injuries with endangering her child. It still can happen.
> 
> Although men still have a right not to be abused, the vast majority of male victims of female abuse do not have to fear for the loss of their life and childs by leaving the abusive woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They may not have to worry about being killed but they do have to worry about:

Having an arrest record that will be with them the rest of their lives
Loss of job/career opportunities
Being seen in the community as a woman beater
Losing friends and family due to it
Losing custody of children


etc. etc. I think it about evens out to me.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

Needshelp

Have you asked your wife to get some sort of help for her angry issues?


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> They may not have to worry about being killed but they do have to worry about:
> 
> Having an arrest record that will be with them the rest of their lives
> Loss of job/career opportunities
> ...


A potential difficult life is equal to a cruel and painful death?

Minimizing male violence against other men and women doesn't strengthen your cause for men's rights.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

lovelyblue said:


> Needshelp
> 
> Have you asked your wife to get some sort of help for her angry issues?


I have many times but she says of course she doesn't need or want it. 

Of course I plan to record but as I said it won't be before my wife has been abusive many times to me and my daughter before anything is done. 

I know lots of women may not wish to believe it, but the fact is the same kind of power men had over DV situations in the '50s is what women have today in 2015. 

And I just love how it has been subtly implied that due to stats on DV that gives police, judges and others the right to just take the man down without any real investigation during the time cops come out for DV. And about calling the police I have told her if she doesn't stop I would call the police but she just said "Go ahead, I'll injure myself". And please, you REALLY think when the cops got here they'll _honestly_ take the time to make sure it's not self-inflicted? I highly doubt cops will come and say to a crying hysterical woman "Now according to your husband you injured yourself, let us examine the injuries". Please, that would never happen.


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

Cecezakat said:


> A potential difficult life is equal to a cruel and painful death?
> 
> Minimizing male violence against other men and women doesn't strengthen your cause for men's rights.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, my point was men DO face challenges that go through them the rest of their lives over something like this. Sure a woman isn't as likely to kill or severely maim a man but she has ways to make sure his life is ruined to the point she may as well have. I'd honestly rather her come at me with a knife or gun and take a chance living by being stabbed/shot then deal with any of the above. At least that way even the most cops won't have a choice but to arrest her and I wouldn't get arrested and I could continue my life with me and my daughter.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Have you talked to her family about her rages?


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> And I just love how it has been subtly implied that due to stats on DV that gives police, judges and others the right to just take the man down without any real investigation during the time cops come out for DV. And about calling the police I have told her if she doesn't stop I would call the police but she just said "Go ahead, I'll injure myself". And please, you REALLY think when the cops got here they'll _honestly_ take the time to make sure it's not self-inflicted? I highly doubt cops will come and say to a crying hysterical woman "Now according to your husband you injured yourself, let us examine the injuries". Please, that would never happen.


It has happened and still does. But of course that doesn't line up with your world view and victim mentality therefore it must never happen.

It has not been subtly implied at all. You are making assumptions because you think everyone and everything is intentionally against you when in reality it looks like you are quite enjoying your wife's abuse. 

You were very vague about how it is your wife becomes so angry even saying that you just sit watching tv when she walks into the room and starts beating you. Yet you have such anger just asking for help I have a hard time believing your lack of details now. You don't want help. You want to stay with her so you can complain about how the world is so unfair to men and you wish we could all go back to the 50's when men had a good chance of getting away with beating and killing their wives. 

And yet again, I ask you to tell me how your wife would know you are calling the police from the bathroom while she is screaming. You ignore that option completely and only talk about the very stupid option of informing your wife that you are calling the police so of course she has time to hurt herself. 

You don't want help. You love your abusive wife and the martyr she makes you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Have you talked to her family about her rages?


Not really, we live hundreds of miles apart. I wish though.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> Not really, we live hundreds of miles apart. I wish though.


Use the voice recorder app on your phone, record a rage, then email it to her family members asking for their advice/help. Copy your wife.


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Use the voice recorder app on your phone, record a rage, then email it to her family members asking for their advice/help. Copy your wife.


Hmm...Sounds like a great idea. Never thought of that. Though honestly what could they really do?


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> No, my point was men DO face challenges that go through them the rest of their lives over something like this. Sure a woman isn't as likely to kill or severely maim a man but she has ways to make sure his life is ruined to the point she may as well have. I'd honestly rather her come at me with a knife or gun and take a chance living by being stabbed/shot then deal with any of the above. At least that way even the most cops won't have a choice but to arrest her and I wouldn't get arrested and I could continue my life with me and my daughter.


No one denied the challenges. Of course YOU would rather her come at you physically because you are stronger and bigger and would win. How would a woman prefer that? 

Its utterly despicable to compare a violent death with a false arrest and its potential consequences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Needofhelp28 said:


> I'm in a real bind and have no clue what to do, well, I do have one idea but not sure how well it would work. Anyway, on to my issue:
> 
> My wife and I are both 28 and have a 3 year old daughter, been married for a little over 4 years. While my wife has always had a temper lately as in the past year she's gotten very mean and nasty to the point of hitting me over and over whether it's in the legs, back, head, neck etc. I have never hit my wife, but when she gets angry now hitting me is her go to thing. The issue is that I am a 6' big guy and my wife is a 5'2 small woman who when hits barely leaves a light mark if anything.
> 
> ...


Get a voice activated recorder and discretely switch it on when she starts to get abusive.

It also wouldn't hurt to discretely place a hidden camera in the den (and/or wherever everything usually goes down) as well.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> Hmm...Sounds like a great idea. Never thought of that. Though honestly what could they really do?


Depending on the relationship, talk some sense into her? (Tell her get help) It would also be documentation for a future custody hearing. 

HOPEFULLY they'd be on your side!!


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

_I know lots of women may not wish to believe it, but the fact is the same kind of power men had over DV situations in the '50s is what women have today in 2015. _

I believe you my former sister-in-law was a nasty verbally abusive woman.

I just hope you either can escape with your daughter or your wife stops her anger and abusive behavior.


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## Needofhelp28 (Oct 25, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Depending on the relationship, talk some sense into her? (Tell her get help) It would also be documentation for a future custody hearing.
> 
> HOPEFULLY they'd be on your side!!


True. I will try that, thanks!



lovelyblue said:


> _I know lots of women may not wish to believe it, but the fact is the same kind of power men had over DV situations in the '50s is what women have today in 2015. _
> 
> I believe you my former sister-in-law was a nasty verbally abusive woman.
> 
> I just hope you either can escape with your daughter or your wife stops her anger and abusive behavior.


Yep, and as much as women will say women should never be judged by what other women do I guess it's now okay for men to be pre-judged by the actions of other men. By this very skewed perspective women shouldn't have access to children since statistically children are more likely to be abused by mothers than fathers, but when children abuse is investigated could you imagine if as soon as cops came in they immediately arrested mothers for abuse without the facts and just based off statistics?


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

Needofhelp28 said:


> True. I will try that, thanks!
> 
> 
> Yep, and as much as women will say women should never be judged by what other women do I guess it's now okay for men to be pre-judged by the actions of other men. By this very skewed perspective women shouldn't have access to children since statistically children are more likely to be abused by mothers than fathers, but when children abuse is investigated could you imagine if as soon as cops came in they immediately arrested mothers for abuse without the facts and just based off statistics?


Men are not arrested without facts and based off of statistics anywhere except in your mind. It has nothing to do with statistics but the fact that men are very lethal whereas women are not nearly as lethal by any means. 

Men and women are not equal in this regard. You certainly aren't afraid of your wife killing you and even welcome a violent, near death attack from her. 

Men are arrested more often because they are the abuser that often, they are not all or even mostly false arrests. 

A woman having "power" today to attempt to manipulate the system into arresting her innocent husband is not at all comparable to men having the power to severely beat their wives to within inches of their life and have the police looking the other way because hitting his wife was his "right".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Needofhelp28 said:


> Making excuses how it may happen? It IS how it will happen. Believe me she has used this ruse to get what she wants many times before. I remember last year my wife wanted some shopping money and made up some sad story complete with tears to her mother who gave her money for a problem that didn't exist. She was crying the whole time yet as soon as her mother closed the door she laughed and acted all happy she played her mother and went straight to the mall.
> 
> I want to get some hidden cams but not sure how I'd hide them. My wife will yell and scream at our daughter when she gets frustrated, heck, it was just 2 days ago she was yelling at our daughter I told my wife to stop yelling at her and she proceeded to yell at me "Don't tell me what to do!!" then started hitting me, I ended up grabbing our daughter and leaving the house for a few hours. Until my wife called me saying I either come back or she'll call the police and tell them I have been abusing her and our daughter.


Where do you hide the camera? Why out in the open. Here is just one site that has all kinds of hidden cameras.

Buy Hidden Cameras | Hidden Spy & Surveillance Cameras For Sale

There are other things that you can do.

Get a VAR (voice activated recorder). Do not let her know that you have it. Keep one on you at all times so that when she starts hitting you, you capture it. You just have to not engage in any yelling. Just keep asking her to stop hitting you. And let her rant on. Then go to another room and lock the door. She will most likely follow you, bang on the door, etc. Call 911 and let them hear her. When the cops arrive you have the recording. If you have a hidden camera you have that too. 

Try to back up the recordings to the cloud or some memory device so that you keep a copy.

Always have your cell phone on you.

Your wife yells at your daughter when you are there. I can only imagine what she does when you are not around. Your daughter is being abused and you are allowing it. So put up hidden cameras and VARs around your place to catch what your wife is doing to your daughter when you are not there. 

You are the only person who can protect your daughter. You are allowing your wife to abuse her.

If you will not protect yourself and do it the right way, at least protect your daughter.

.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cecezakat said:


> Recording sounds like a good idea. Check the laws in your area about recording without consent, but police can still view it to see that you didn't hit her. Maybe show your wife first to see if it shames her and lets her see how ugly it really is.


Knowing the OP's state would help because we could help him research this.

However, even in states that have a 2/all party recording law, it's legal to record a crime without the perpetrator's knowledge. Laws allow for this. And they allow for the recording to be used as evidence.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

Needofhelp28 said:


> True. I will try that, thanks!
> 
> 
> Yep, and as much as women will say women should never be judged by what other women do I guess it's now okay for men to be pre-judged by the actions of other men. By this very skewed perspective women shouldn't have access to children since statistically children are more likely to be abused by mothers than fathers, but when children abuse is investigated could you imagine if as soon as cops came in they immediately arrested mothers for abuse without the facts and just based off statistics?


Sadly sometimes woman aren't seen as abusers until it's to late.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Needofhelp28 said:


> It can go on for 10-15 minutes. As for when she starts hitting, it really doesn't matter if we are having an argument or I am just sitting by myself on the couch watching TV she'll just start hitting me over and over, of course doing no real damage but still it isn't fun having someone keep hitting you like a small child over and over several times a week. As I said, sometimes I have locked myself in the bathroom because when she does start hitting she will ALWAYS follow me. Hell, even when I have locked myself in the bathroom she'll continue banging on the door yelling.
> 
> 
> Probably you are right. I really worry about our daughter.
> ...


She will not be alone with your daughter if you get enough video and audio recordings of her abusing you and your daughter. You will most likely be able to get 100% custody with her having only supervised visitation.

I've seen this happen. You need to talk to a lawyer about this. Start preparing your case.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Needofhelp28 said:


> Okay so say right now I just grab my daughter and hit the road and tell my wife I will not be back until she gets better and she calls the police for kidnapping and I get arrested, you going to bail me out and act as a defense?
> 
> When, as a man the court system IS so heavily stacked against me what "power" do I have? I take my daughter away I will end up in jail so if that means I have a "victim mentality" then I guess so.


Well, we've been telling you how to get evidence. Get evidence. Get a lawyer. Get your wife arrest based on videos and voice recordings of her abusing you and your daughter. She will be removed from the house. She could be charged with domestic violence and child abuse.

And yes women do get charged when men do this the right way. I know of several cases where this has happened.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Needofhelp28 said:


> THANK YOU!!!! That is EXACTLY how I feel! I do plan on documenting but I just hate that until such time as I get the cams, set them up and get plenty of footage/documentation I have little choice but to let my wife abuse me and our daughter.


You only need a few days of evidence. You can get a VAR in one day. So by tomorrow evening you could have a VAR hidden on your recording everything that goes on in the home when you are there. You can hide the VAR in the house to record what is going on while you are not there.


Needofhelp28 said:


> I don't care what ANYONE says, cops come in to see a big 6' man standing while this small 5'2 tiny woman is crying her eyes out they WILL take me down, and I will be handcuffed, sent to jail and have an arrest record for the rest of my life.


I agree with you on this. You need evidence. Most cops cannot tell what’s really going on so they just take one person out of the situation. It’s usually the guy because men are bigger. So get your evidence.

And let me tell you things are not handled well from an abused woman’s point of view either. I tried to leave an abusive husband. The judge refused to believe that he was abusive because he did not have a criminal record. So they gave our son to him, the man who was abusing both of us. I had to call off the divorcee and move back with my abusive husband to protect my then 3.5 year old son. It took me 4 more years to make a case in the divorce. This was before all these nice VARS and hidden spy cameras were available. If I had those at the time I would have had a case in a week or two.

Also, you can find a place near you that helps victims of abuse. You can get help there as well. But get your evidence first and talk to a lawyer first.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Needofhelp28 said:


> It has nothing to do with her period at all. She does this crap often enough that she can't ALWAYS be on her period when she has these out bursts. She doesn't take any drugs or smoke or drink or anything like that, heck she is a vegetarian and goes running and exercises a lot.
> 
> I looked up my states recording laws and found this:
> 
> ...


Some states are one party states. This means that only one person in the conversation has to agree and that can be the person recording.

But just about all, if not all, have a loop hole for recording crimes. Domestic violence is a crime.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Needofhelp28 said:


> So then just how many beatings and yelling at our daughter should I get before I take it to the police? One incident? 5?


How many beating have you endured so far? How many yelling incidents has your daughter endured so far? One? 5? Dozens? 

If you do nothing they will just continue.

If you do the recordings you might only need one or two incidents. But you won't know until you see a lawyer and do what you need to do.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Needofhelp28 said:


> You know, don't get me wrong I can't stand men that hit women and would love it if guys that do got a beating within an inch of their life by all the cops but the fact is as it stands when it comes to DV women have all the power in the world and even if a man can get her arrested for DV it's only AFTER he's gone through ton's of hitting and humiliation. I really wish Feminists with all their equality talk would be willing to campaign for men's rights when it comes to DV and for women to not always be taken at their word when cops show up (unless it's blatantly obvious like she's covered in blood and broken nose etc.) and cry crocodile tears and get +50 instant sympathy points just for playing the professional victim as my wife does.


Actually feminist organizations have done a lot to campaign both for women's rights and men's when it comes to domestic violence.

Because of my experience with being a victim of domestic violence I've been around several organizations, volunteered and worked with victims once I was beyond my situation. Men are helped by many organizations just as women are.

I've volunteered at safe homes that provided shelter for men and their children who are victims.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

There is an app for your phone. I just heard of it the other day and don't remember the name of it. I was told that every woman should have this app. 

It shows on your phone as a "news" app....but when you hit it, it will call 911 as well as anyone else you program it to call. For example, a teenage girl would have her parents number programmed or a wife would have her H. Supposedly it also records whatever is going on. 

I'll see if I can find the name of it. It should help at the beginning of a raging fit?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Needofhelp28 said:


> Of course I plan to record but as I said it won't be before my wife has been abusive many times to me and my daughter before anything is done.


This is nonsense. You have, according to you let this go on for a very long time. Now you complain because YOU did nothing to protect yourself and you child. 

You do not need to get recordings of her abusing you and your child many times. One or two recordings should do it. And a lawyer before you take any action would help a lot.

I will tell you the same thing I tell women in your situation, you allowed this to go on. AT some point you became a willing participant. It's time to stop it. It's time to protect your child and yourself.

Were it not for your child, you could just walk. You would not need recordings because you just walk out the door and never come back. So protecting your daughter is the major issue here.



Needofhelp28 said:


> I know lots of women may not wish to believe it, but the fact is the same kind of power men had over DV situations in the '50s is what women have today in 2015.
> 
> And I just love how it has been subtly implied that due to stats on DV that gives police, judges and others the right to just take the man down without any real investigation during the time cops come out for DV. And about calling the police I have told her if she doesn't stop I would call the police but she just said "Go ahead, I'll injure myself". And please, you REALLY think when the cops got here they'll _honestly_ take the time to make sure it's not self-inflicted? I highly doubt cops will come and say to a crying hysterical woman "Now according to your husband you injured yourself, let us examine the injuries". Please, that would never happen.


I'm getting the impression that your real purpose here is not to solve your own problem but instead to get on your soap box. 

Here we are taking our time to try to help you, and you are basically attacking us. I now understand why you posted in the Lady's Lounge and not general relationships. 

You have almost 100% control over what happens here is you do the smart thing. Within one to two weeks you could have her removed from your home. You could have a court restraining order keeping her away from you and your daughter.

Here you are *****ing when you should be in your car going to Wal-Mart to bet a VAR or two or three.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I'm wondering why this was posted in the ladies forum also. If it were genuine, would not the assistance of both men and women be sought?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

No one will believe an abused man. Get evidence. Get a lawyer. Don't call the police. Don't contact an abuse hotline. If she leaves a mark, see a doctor. Doctors and lawyers are your best bet statistically.


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

OP you need to get your daughter out of the house, this is not good for either of you especially her. I would totally go the camera route, they are expensive but as you said if it word against word you are right the police are going to believe her, you can get ones that are in books etc... Never leave your daughter alone with her, it sounds like she is very manipulative and self centered, she pulled a con on her mom??? Yeah I have lied to my mom before to get money but mine are white lies and the money always goes towards the kids or a bill or something. Usually when it's something I know my mom won't want to hear the real reason. You need proof, cause even if you don't press charges, if you leave her, the court is going to let her have your daughter unless you can prove that she is not safe to me around.


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## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

You don't need hidden cameras.

The next time she gets in a rage whip out your cellphone and start recording her and tell her your recording her.

She'll either stop, or she'll continue and you'll immediately have all the evidence you need- with her consent since you told her you're recording her.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Just buy a Gopro and keep it in your pocket at all times or keep it clipped on your shirt. If you wear a baseball cap, stick it on your baseball cap. LET HER KNOW that you are recording her every waking moment from now on. Period. Download the data onto an offsite server. Keep all of it. Months and months. Let her know you're recording and saving it somewhere else.

Once you get THAT under control, start talking to family and friends about her mental state and start getting support for getting her to a mental professional.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Number 1 Get your self a good lawyer immediately. You need to get custody of your daughter and that is difficult to do unless she gives up her rights. I would definitely get the devices the other posters suggest to document her behavior. DO NOT tell her she is being taped! When she starts attacking you physically tell her again how you will call the police. Let her say on tape... Go aheAd I will hurt myself before that get here. Get her to say everything she typically does in these scenarios that make you feel trapped. Unless your lawyer disagrees. Do it and whatever else you need to do to get yourself and your daughter out of there. Then go to her family. Let them get her the help she needs.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I suggest that you both go to couple's counseling. I wonder if your wife has used physical force as a common place for her anger and frustration and needs to learn different methods to deal with her frustrations. Probably something she learned as a child and never has learned any other way to deal with her emotions.Perhaps an anger management class would help as well.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

She should go to counseling to determine why she behaves the way she does and learn how to deal with things. He needs to leave with his daughter. Her behavior is completely unacceptable and should not be tolerated. If at some some point she sees her behavior as a problem and actively seeks and gets help on her own, maybe there is hope and they can work on things together but not from the same home.


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