# Another Anxiety Issue



## elon (Jun 30, 2010)

Hi,

I have been together with my now wife for about 4 years and things seem a lot more stressful for us since we have been married for about a year.

I am going to go ahead an describe on what I have been told my flaws are in one of our quieter conversations. 

1) She often refers to me as clumsy despite my good intentions. Physical mishaps, logistic inefficiencies, especially actions that make her feel less significant because more often than not we run into situations where I have to make a tough decision on the spot. For example, when I am running late for work and I have to give her a ride. However, she takes a little longer to get ready so logically I am getting antsy. But she blames me that I made her stressed for the rest of the day.
She likes to blame my clumsiness for her dilemma.
2) I didn't have a Chinese traditional upbringing, but I was critisized for not acknowledging their authoritarian ways. 
3) I am not alert to her needs at any given point in time. I tackle on problems with a more "let go" attitude. Those "let go" problems for me are mostly cases where we faced rude customer service, missed opportunities. She refers this as me being "slow" for not being on it for "house hunting", "baby planning"

This is what I brought up to her:
1) I kept noticing that her relationship to her parents is extremely authoritarian, often resulting in arguments where she is being scolded with a sharp tone. Everything she does gets critizised with negative connotation relating to her "inability" by her parents despite her age of almost 30. It's worth noting that she has been living with them after college. And I can see how parents are not quite out their parent stage yet. They have never been empty nesters.
2) She gets easily stressed out by a combination of authoritarian parents who call her everyday, her unprofessional boss, and by my so-called clumsiness.
3) She gets agitated by the most mundane incidents such as someone bumping into her and leaving her a bruise. When that happens somehow she loops it back to me blaming me for not comforting her enough. She tends to micro manage her dilemmas too much. One day it is cell phone overcharge, another one it is her sore throat, tooth pain etc.

When she starts blaming me things, I tend to get overfrustrated and go ballistic with anger. Sometimes I am concerned about myself that she brings out the hulk in me even though I see myself as a rather quiet person.

What is your take on this and 
I am looking couple counseling or any help in the Bay Area, because in the long run this can't good for both of us.

Thanks


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## kristy85 (Jul 1, 2010)

Do take care of her.. take her to a psychiatrist.

 Drug Rehab Program


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