# 2 months in and still hurting



## bcbones74 (Apr 15, 2012)

I'm new here and I'm trying to take control of my life but it's so hard. My wife gave me the I love you but i'm not in love with you speech 2 months ago. I never saw it coming. I've tried to fix it but she says there is no going back. The worst of it is she left, 2 weeks later my grandmother died then I found out my father was given a year to live. The perfect storm of problems. She knows all this and all she can say is that she can't be there for me like that any more. I'm feeling so lost a and confused.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I may not have a good answer but if it were me I would want someone to post anything at all just to get recognition. So here goes. You have to rely on the support you do have. Friends and family. Just to post here helped me. You don't mention any kids so you have a lot of free time to think. This is a problem when you dwell on what you are loosing. I know you love her but you have to let her go. Focus on the positive things in your life. Like your father, spend time with him before he is gone. Mine passed in 2010 and I just finished up with all the estate stuff. The pain and hurt will get better but it will take time.

My wife blindsided me only 3 weeks ago. We filed last week for divorce. There are times I have no idea which way is up but I hold it together for my kids. You have to be there for your Dad. I'm sure he will be there for you as well.

Keep your head up and maybe do the 180 deal. It is supposed to help you move forward.
Take care,


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## SRN (Mar 20, 2012)

If she's said there is no going back, let her go. She's done. I know how hard it is, its only been two months since my ex-wife did it to me. Because of events (her affair) the divorce was fast tracked. Hurts like hell, but its over, so now I can start picking up the pieces and move on. I'd recommend the same for you. Serve her with papers and if she shows no remorse, then you know. If it sends her for a loop and she starts talking reconciliation, then explore it. But from the very brief amount of information you've given, it sounds like she's done. Listen to that because you can't make anyone do anything that they don't want to do.
Focus on your family. Spend as much time with your dad as possible. This woman doesn't deserve your love, your dad does.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Very sorry to hear that. My ex gave me the same speech and called it quits 4 months ago. I am also sorry to hear about your dad.

According to a book I read, it takes an average of three months to get through the grieving period. Of course, this depends what you do with the time. Are you seeing an IC? Exercising? Keeping busy with friends? In your case, you need to take care of yourself effectively. It will help you cope and be stronger as you face all of the challenges in your life. As I preach here, be part of your own solution.

I can tell you that time helps. I am in a much better place after four months than I was two months ago. Still sad at times, but that's it. The roller coaster rides are over. I'm getting my groove back, and you will too. FYI, my ex left after nearly 7 years of marriage. I got the ILYBINILWY speech and she moved on very happily and easily, and I now realize she'd mentally and emotionally left the marriage a year ago.

As you progress - and you will - there will be backslides, pain and heartache. Always focus on moving forward. Think positive, as thought drives emotion. And remember... even if it seems you're taking two steps forward and one step back sometimes, you're still ahead by one step.


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## SilverPanther (Feb 2, 2012)

What an awful time for all this to be happening for you!  I'm sorry your wife is doing this to you. There's not a lot you can do about how she feels...I hope you have others who can help support you in this time? Friends, family?


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