# Do I have a right to be mad at wife for not respecting my wishes regarding my mother



## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

I live with my parents in a 6000 square foot house with my wife. Me and my wife have the master bedroom and do not pay an bills. My mother has helped us so much with the kids and financially. My Parents never ask much of my wife ( basically she only does stuff for me and kids never parents)

My wife doesn't have any respect for my family doesn't say good morning or goodnight to them. I have told her many times say good morning and good night, if your cooking something ask my dad if he would like some. That is all I ask, she refuses to do that.

She says we should get our own place and I agree under 2 conditions. 

Number 1 I want another kid and she said no.

Number 2 is if anything happened to my father my mom would come live with us being that I am the only child. 

She refused and I am upset about it. The funny thing is her parents never did anything for us never watched the kids and moved 700 miles away. When it's the kids birthdays they don't even send a card.she is critical of my family, but never hers. I am different and speak the truth even if it's against my family.

Do I have a right to be pissed? If my wife was only child and asked me to do that for her I would probably do it even though she never gave us 1 minute of her time or 1 penny.

I don't like my wife's view on respect


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## luvinhim (Jun 25, 2014)

I personally believe you should get your family and move out. Two women never should share a home together. You wife needs to be the Queen in her own home. You and you wife need to own up to the responsibilty of caring for your children, paying your own bills. You are both two adults..act like it


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

^^Agreed.

You and your wife should be living in your own home, away from either one of your parents. 

How do your parents treat your wife? There may be a reason she isn't very willing to do anything for them. Have you asked her?

You shouldn't even think about another child until this is resolved. To hold conditions over your wife's head to get what you want is very immature. I would say the same if she were doing it to you.


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

frusdil said:


> ^^Agreed.
> 
> You and your wife should be living in your own home, away from either one of your parents.
> 
> ...


 My parents treat my wife great. If my wife was an only child and asked me that same question I would understand. The thing is my wife is not being fair because if her mom ended up alone she would want to take her in.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Why are you living with your parents, are you young, she got pregnant and this was the best way to get a head start -and keep the baby ? 

From what you say, it sounds her parents are not involved at all but yours have been there for you both.. 

If you was to ask your wife WHY she treats your mother the way she does.. what would she say ? Just to give us a clue here to understand her point of view...


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Why are you living with your parents, are you young, she got pregnant and this was the best way to get a head start -and keep the baby ?
> 
> From what you say, it sounds her parents are not involved at all but yours have been there for you both..
> 
> If you was to ask your wife WHY she treats your mother the way she does.. what would she say ? Just to give us a clue here to understand her point of view...



We were dating and she got pregnant, I married her because of it. We are not that young both in 30's. 

She basically says she wants her own privacy. She is being selfish, she is the type that will never say anything bad about her family. She can be critical of others. It's a tribal mentality it's as if she puts down her family she is putting down herself.

For instance her brother has a child (is divorced) and he never sees his kid nor does he provide any child support. She is the type if you bring that up she will take that personally.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

From the other threads you have posted, especially this one: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...-wives-do-you-get-mad-if-you-dont-orgasm.html

It's clear that your marriage has serious issues.

For one thing you give your wife's point of view on things no credence at all. If she does not agree with you, you see her as selfish, etc. 

Your wife does not want to live with your parents. She was every right to not want to live with your parents. You, as the head of your family (your wife, your child and you) need to listen to your wife sine this is very reasonable. Most adults do not live with their parents. 

Does your wife have a job? Or are you the only one working?


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> From the other threads you have posted, especially this one: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...-wives-do-you-get-mad-if-you-dont-orgasm.html
> 
> It's clear that your marriage has serious issues.
> 
> ...


My wife always orgasms and we have sex 1-3 times a week. I know her body very well at this point and can make her orgasm every time. There were times in the past were I would blow my load before she came when she was pregnant and this upset her.

We both work and I agreed to move out but she has to compromise.


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## jasmine9 (Jul 18, 2014)

Why are you both livig there? And why in the worls are you telling her you will move out IF you have another child. It sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do. You need to remove yourself from your parents in your own home.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

It's time to move your family out of your parents' house. And don't have any more kids.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Time to cut the apron string. Bargaining with a child birth and mamma moving in when pop passes is childish. You can't force your W to do things. I'm certain if I was in your situation my W would be calling me mommas boy. Grow up, move out and stop leveraging things because your folks helped out.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Boxing judge said:


> We were dating and she got pregnant, I married her because of it. We are not that young both in 30's.
> 
> She basically says she wants her own privacy. She is being selfish, she is the type that will never say anything bad about her family. She can be critical of others. It's a tribal mentality it's as if she puts down her family she is putting down herself.
> 
> For instance her brother has a child (is divorced) and he never sees his kid nor does he provide any child support. She is the type if you bring that up she will take that personally.



She is shelfish because she wants privacy? Oh brother, the world is then full of selfish people. Your in your 30's? Time to move out of mom and dads.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Boxing judge said:


> My wife always orgasms and we have sex 1-3 times a week. I know her body very well at this point and can make her orgasm every time. There were times in the past were I would blow my load before she came when she was pregnant and this upset her.
> 
> We both work and I agreed to move out but she has to compromise.


She has compromised enough by living with you and your parents. When will you honor your wife's wishes before your own?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Boxing judge said:


> We were dating and she got pregnant, I married her because of it. We are not that young both in 30's.
> 
> She basically says she wants her own privacy. She is being selfish, she is the type that will never say anything bad about her family. She can be critical of others. It's a tribal mentality it's as if she puts down her family she is putting down herself.
> 
> For instance her brother has a child (is divorced) and he never sees his kid nor does he provide any child support. She is the type if you bring that up she will take that personally.


Ok ... everyone is beating up on you pretty good.. You married the woman you impregnated.. I give you a star, many would walk away.. Your parents sound like Nice people even if it would be best if you was on your own..

If what you say about your wife is true (it always helps to hear the other side though) , I would also find this very annoying.. and very self-aware LESS.. I , on the other hand, have always PRAISED my husband's family while putting down my own.. because realistically they are just NICER WARMER loving people.. that's just *a fact*.. 

They took me yrs before we married, treated me as their own..... I was very thankful for their kindness - I stayed out of Mom's way, she is a very loving person but I didn't want to be a bother to anyone....we always respected each other. 

We did want to be on our own when we married though...and was. It was a meager beginning... and there is nothing wrong with that...

Are you at least saving $$ to get your own place while you live there?? IS there any type of plan here Boxing Judge? 

You didn't answer my question.. if you asked your wife what she doesn't like about your Mother, what would she say?  

Since you are so close (being labeled a Mama's boy in this thread)... I wonder if she feels you & your Mom conspire against her, that you are not "*on her side*" but always take your Mom's side? This would be very hard for a young wife , just saying, if she feels belittled, put down.. What good do you have to say about your wife ..what are her redeeming qualities?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

A few issues I'd like to point out. Neither you nor your wife actually ever decided of your own free will to get married. You got married because she was pregnant. Not the best way to start out and one can hardly expect the union to function exactly like the typical young marriage (whatever that is). The foundation was hastily laid, so the building is going to have some problems and it'll take lots of work and patience to repair it.

Secondly, a man who can't afford to provide a home for his existing wife and kid doesn't need to be talking about adding to the family.

The future living arrangements of your mother is something that should have been discussed and agreed to before marriage. It wasn't so you aren't in a position to make any demands or have any expectations in that regard. You are married and your wife's opinions and views are as valid as your own.

Your parents are probably salt of the earth and I expect your wife would adore them if she could deal with them as inlaws and not as her providers, her landlord, her roommates, etc. Most wives want their own home to manage. I expect the alleged disrespect you believe she has for your parents, she actually has for you. She has her very own man, so why are these old folks providing her a home, utilities, furnishings, probably groceries, etc? Quite naturally, she wants her own place and you're talking already talking about inviting mom to live in a place you don't even have and as far as I know, you haven't shared one night with your wife and child in a home you have provided? Where is there any security in that? Respect runs two ways. A man with proper respect for his wife would probably have avoided getting her pregnant. If that "accident" happened, he would figure out how to provide a home for her (and having endless sleepovers at his parents' home is not providing a home).


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

It is best for you and your wife to move out. A woman needs to be in her own home, not in another woman's home. Your living with parents at a later time in their old age may never come to be. As you are both working, elders (especially with health care problems) may need to be in assisted living homes. They may not want to live with you.

Privacy means that you need your personal space, even when yelling at each other for some minor disagreements; even going to the bedroom at any time of the day (if the timing is right) to be with each other.

It is very important for your wife to feel important in her realm, especially in your early years of marriage. You're in your 30's; you should be living on your own, married or not.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You need to move into your own place ASAP. That said wife should respect your parents.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If my son impregnated a woman and decided to set up housekeeping in my home, I wouldn't feel he was showing me respect. I'd rather have his woman walk by me without saying, "howdy" than have my own son put me in such a position.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Your wife should be more respectful.

Although, I am doubtful about how nice your parents actually are to her even though they have helped you guys out financially.

I am a bit cynical about this situation even without seeing the dynamics in person because of the posts you have made here. The posts I have seen of yours tend to put your wife down a lot or show disrespect or disdain for your wife. You even admitted on this forum that you told your wife she doesn't measure up to your own mother. One of your bragging points about your mother is that she martyred herself to your father - that no matter how much she was neglected or mistreated she always had a painted smile on her face.

So I am wondering if the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree in that your parents also treat your wife with disrespect.

As for having another child? Women want providers...even working, career oriented women want a man who earns an income and can stand on his own two feet. You are not in a position to make demands about having more kids in my opinion. Not while you are living with your parents and being supported by them.


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Ok ... everyone is beating up on you pretty good.. You married the woman you impregnated.. I give you a star, many would walk away.. Your parents sound like Nice people even if it would be best if you was on your own..
> 
> If what you say about your wife is true (it always helps to hear the other side though) , I would also find this very annoying.. and very self-aware LESS.. I , on the other hand, have always PRAISED my husband's family while putting down my own.. because realistically they are just NICER WARMER loving people.. that's just *a fact*..
> 
> ...



I have plenty of money saved and could afford a 2000 square foot house fairly comfortably. To be honest I do not have any plans really, if it was up to me I would probably stay here. My kids have a great life here and the house I live in is beautiful. My mother Loves her Grand Children and will do anything for them. 

If I asked my wife about my mom she wouldn't say anything bad, because she can't. She would just say we need our own bills and responsibility.

I think my wife is jealous of my mom, my mom is a very special person and I am not just saying that because she is my mom. I am the type were if my mom or dad is a piece do %€%€ I would say it straight out.

She is a good cook
Good mother
Is intelligent
Never refuses sex ( very rare)


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

I think your wife might be more resentful that she's married to a man who won't/can't cut the apron strings rather than a jealousy Issue.


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

Miss Taken said:


> Your wife should be more respectful.
> 
> Although, I am doubtful about how nice your parents actually are to her even though they have helped you guys out financially.
> 
> ...


I can provide I have a good job. I think people today are way too SENSITIVE. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, for instance I am not very handy. If my wife came to me age said my father or so and so can fix anything and you couldn't put a nail in the wall I would probably laugh it off instead of getting insulted.


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> If my son impregnated a woman and decided to set up housekeeping in my home, I wouldn't feel he was showing me respect. I'd rather have his woman walk by me without saying, "howdy" than have my own son put me in such a position.


You have a different mentality than were I come from.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

The way you compare you mother to your wife is strange. 
Not only would I NEVER want to share a home with a Momma's boy and his Mommy, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with one. 

A situation where you share a home would _maybe _work for a short time IF proper boundaries were in place and you had your wife's back. As soon as one wants to leave- you go. 

You need to put your wife in the #1 spot. She is your family now, she comes first in your life.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Boxing judge said:


> She says we should get our own place and I agree under 2 conditions.
> 
> Number 1 I want another kid and she said no.
> 
> Number 2 is if anything happened to my father my mom would come live with us being that I am the only child.


Wow. You'll only agree to having what most people would consider to be a normal life, by consenting to her request that you get your own place away from your parents. IF she agrees to another child and that your mom has a free pass to move in with you for the rest of her life, in the event she's alone.

You sound like a real gem.

Do you have a right to be pissed? Sure you do. Just like you have a right to make completely unreasonable demands of your wife.

But it won't make either one of you any happier.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Boxing judge said:


> You have a different mentality than were I come from.


Guess I'm just strange. In my worldview, someone mature enough to make babies ought to be mature enough to support them. Folks mature enough to choose a life partner need to be able to support themselves and their partner. Children are supported by their parents and, if needed, the disabled and the elderly are supported by their kids. Not sure where on earth it is acceptable or desirable for healthy adults and their offspring to be supported by grandparents. 

Eating in front of others is just bad manners. Living under a roof with others you don't speak to is bad manners. Manners are important to me. That's why I wouldn't be engaging in baby-making activity with a woman who had piss-poor manners. Why would I even say, "howdy" to a woman who didn't value manners? People don't just wake up having bad manners. It's part of their character and it's readily and quickly apparent to those who look. If maintaining very close relationships with extended family is important, it makes sense to choose a life partner who shares those values.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Your mom could be a saint and it wouldn't change your wife's view. Your mom is the lady of the house so gets to make the final decision on how the household is run, how to decorate, etc. That would be intolerable for me as a wife having to defer to the other woman in the house. 

As Lenzi says - living in your own home without your parents is the norm. There shouldn't be any conditions placed on that - especially having another child. I can kind of understand if your mother gets too feeble to care for herself you might want to care for her in your own home rather than send her somewhere else or hire someone else to care for her - but when you get your own place, it will be half your wife's and therefore she has a right to say "no" to that arrangement. That is MARRIAGE. If you can't or won't compromise and don't understand your wife's rights in this regard, don't be married.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

*Do I have a right to be mad at wife for not respecting my wishes regarding my...*

There's 6000 sq ft and there's 6000 sq ft. My house is also this big and the lower level is 2000 sq ft, finished with its own suite, bathroom, kitchen, patio, etc. We have had guests there for 2-3 months at a time. Heck, we live there most of the time now that the kids are in college.

Can you do anything like that and move to another part of the house for more privacy?

Regardless your wife's behavior needs some adjustment. Respecting other people esp those who pay the rent is not difficult. If you have the resources move out obviously but if you are close to your parents that's tough also. Perhaps your parents can sell the house and you can get something smaller and live nearby?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Boxing judge said:


> I can provide I have a good job. I think people today are way too SENSITIVE. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, for instance I am not very handy. If my wife came to me age said my father or so and so can fix anything and you couldn't put a nail in the wall I would probably laugh it off instead of getting insulted.


 I have a theory on those who are either too sensitive (this has it's issues of course).. but it goes the other way too.. if NOTHING anyone says to you bothers you... you are a self made man, an island, you have no need of anyone, you can give a finger to their thoughts, opinions.. add feelings to that list too... I've gotten the vibe of a lack of empathy from such people many a times....this is no better than the overly sensitive, just laughing in the face of others either...

How in the world can one be in a relationship with someone like that ?? 

Somewhere in the middle of those 2 extremes is what I would call *balanced*.. it = someone willing to listen, be self aware to their own faults/ shortcomings ...and caring enough to seek their partners happiness...so they can work together for a common goal..

I was trying to be easy on you in the face of some of these replies, but I can see It's YOUR WAY or the Highway.. your mind is made up.. Staying with Mom, even if this is not something your wife will ever be happy with.. and you have money... I mean, jeez.. you don't even have a financial excuse to stay ...it's more of a "my mind is made up " and "*I don't care how she feels*".. 

Our husband/ wife should be our best friend, our helpmate.. there is no relationship more important. .... this is the foundation to lay before our children, for a healthy marriage / family...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Just curious, but you're in your 30s. Where were you living before you got married?

Why didn't you marry this woman before she got pregnant?

Had she not been pregnant, would you have proposed when you did? 
If not, why not?
How long have you been living with your parents?
You say you have a good job and could support your family? If that is true, why aren't you? 
Why did you feel the need to tell us the square footage of your parents' house in your initial post? Was that to demonstrate the great way you are providing for your wife and that she should be grateful or perhaps to show us that your parents had plenty of room and the presence of three more people wasn't an imposition?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your wife is right and you are 100% wrong.
You never live with your parents as a married father.
You never bring a child into the world that a mother does not want.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Boxing judge said:


> I think my wife is jealous of my mom, my mom is a very special person and I am not just saying that because she is my mom. I am the type were if my mom or dad is a piece do %€%€ I would say it straight out.
> 
> She is a good cook
> Good mother
> ...



Have you heard of the term emotional incest? You sound overly enmeshed to your parents... Never refuses sex huh? Well that's a strange tid-bit for children to know about their parents, grown or not. 

I have an Uncle that lived with my grandmother for so long, it really stunted his social and emotional development. He is very much like you putting her on a pedestal. He is nearing his fifties now and just finally bought his first condo away from mom. Then a week later his mom (my grandmother) moved within a fifteen minute radius of him because they are so entrenched in each other's lives. Much more like husband and wife than mother and son. 

If you can afford a nice home for your family, you should do it. And get counseling. I've heard you write that men should lead and women should follow. If you believe that, then living under the coat tails of your parents does not make you a leader. You are basically playing house with your wife and son while still living with mommy and daddy. You can't be the head of the household in a house that is not your own the lead.

As for the too sensitive bit, you genuinely seem to lack empathy. It's great to be strong and resilient, I am that person in many ways having dealt with a lot of adversity in my life. However it is not great if you let that rob you of your humanity and compassion.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Your wife is right and you are 100% wrong.
> You never live with your parents as a married father.
> You never bring a child into the world that a mother does not want.


I agree with your points but it's not even about that.

It's how he holds it over her head, by telling her they're going to continue to live with the parents unless she gives him another child and promises that his mom can live with them if necessary.

It's just so abusive and manipulative, I feel badly for his poor wife who must feel trapped in this situation.


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## mlim (Oct 5, 2014)

I agree, as a woman I would not like to live with my parent-in-laws forever. Doesn't matter how big the house...

But I would let my parents or his parents live with us if they are very ill and no one else can take care of them. Is there a way to compromise such as home care if they were ill or at least have them live a lot closer??

I feel like the kid thing should've been discussed before marriage...that's a different story.


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## Tabitha (Jun 17, 2014)

No wife should have to live with her in-laws! And shame on you for putting conditions on her for wanting to move out. Move out first, then as your relationship hopefully improves, THEN address your other wants. 

Sounds like you might not respect her because she "got pregnant" while you were just dating? That she's not as saintly as your mom? No way should you two be thinking about another child right now--you guys have too many issues going on. 

Put the shoe on the other foot--if you lived in her parents home, with her as attached to daddy as you are to your mom, etc. How would you feel if she were closer to daddy than to you? And even then, it's not the same--women are different. You can't have 2 queen bees. She deserves her OWN hive, and not your residual childhood one. Things won't improve between your wife and your parents until your wife has her own space with HER own family (you, kids). THAT is the natural order of things. Your parents have their own lives that shouldn't concern you right now. Cut the apron strings now--it won't get any easier.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

*Do I have a right to be mad at wife for not respecting my wishes regarding my...*



Boxing judge said:


> Never refuses sex ( very rare)



Care to explain how you know this? 😦😟


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

*Re: Do I have a right to be mad at wife for not respecting my wishes regarding my...*



spinsterdurga said:


> Care to explain how you know this? 😦😟


I'd like to know too because in this thread, where he praises his Mother for keeping a smile on her face while being neglected by her husband, he said he didn't know about his parent's sex life. He must have asked sometime between then and now.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

He's talking about his own wife people.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Hicks said:


> He's talking about his own wife people.


Are you sure? I read it as him talking about his Mother. He's already said his Mother is a much better wife than his own. 


_
I think my wife is jealous of my mom, my mom is a very special person and I am not just saying that because she is my mom. I am the type were if my mom or dad is a piece do %€%€ I would say it straight out.

She is a good cook
Good mother
Is intelligent
Never refuses sex ( very rare) _


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

*Re: Do I have a right to be mad at wife for not respecting my wishes regarding my...*



spinsterdurga said:


> Care to explain how you know this? 😦😟


I was taking about my wife when I said that.


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

Thanks for the advice every one, it appears the members of this forum have a different opinion and outlook on life than I do.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Do I have a right to be mad at wife for not respecting my wishes regarding my...*



Boxing judge said:


> I was taking about my wife when I said that.


You might want to go back to that post and say right above that list something like "My wife does these things".

I was unclear which woman you were talking about, your mother or your wife. Why? Because the last person you talk about in your paragraph is your mother. Apparently I was not the only one.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Boxing judge said:


> Thanks for the advice every one, it appears the members of this forum have a different opinion and outlook on life than I do.


Obviously. It's clear that you are way more into your mom than your wife. It's kind of creepy.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

*Re: Do I have a right to be mad at wife for not respecting my wishes regarding my...*



Boxing judge said:


> I was taking about my wife when I said that.


Okay...



Boxing judge said:


> I think my wife is jealous of my mom, my mom is a very special person and I am not just saying that because she is my mom. I am the type were if my mom or dad is a piece do %€%€ I would say it straight out.
> 
> She is a good cook
> Good mother
> ...


BUT. You have complained about your wife's cooking and mothering on this forum. And these good qualities were lumped in a statement of how you think your wife is jealous of your mom. Sure sounds like you were talking about your mom.

Giving you the benefit of the doubt for a second, if you really were saying nice things about your wife (for once on TAM at least), then she sounds like a pretty good wife. Why not move with her? Do you want for her happiness or only your own?


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I think everyone here has a different opinion than you because you are always comparing your wife to your mother. It's creepy. 

Your wife is NOT your mommy. You say your wife doesn't hold a candle to your mom. Why are you with your wife? Please stop saying it's for the kid. You're demanding your wife have another child if she wants to move out of your mother's house. Frankly, I would have told you buh bye! and moved out on my own. 

Apparently no one will compare to your mother because the attachment you have to her is a bit unhealthy.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Boxing judge said:


> Thanks for the advice every one, it appears the members of this forum have a different opinion and outlook on life than I do.


You see nothing wrong with giving your wife an ultimatum?

"We will only get our own place if you agree have another child".

That is just so freaking out there, I can't fathom why you just don't get it.

Forcing her to accept your mother at some future date is almost as bad. I get it, if her mother was sick at some future point, she'd want her mother to live with you, but that's different from FORCING it down your throat. It's something to be discussed, and hopefully agreed on, but not as some sort of manipulative tool. 

I get you were talking about your wife in that other post, your wording was poor but obviously you weren't referring to your mother when you said she rarely refuses sex. 

Why those posters are trying to nail you to a wall and suggest you've got this creepy relationship with your mother is beyond me. It's doing nothing but cloud the issues.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

*Do I have a right to be mad at wife for not respecting my wishes regarding my...*



Boxing judge said:


> I was taking about my wife when I said that.






Boxing judge said:


> I think my mom is jealous of my wife, my wife is a very special person and I am not just saying that because she is my wife. I am the type were if my mom or dad is a piece do %€%€ I would say it straight out.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I suppose I do view things differently than a newlywed 30 something year old. I have three adult kids. I've been sawing my own lumber since I was 16. I probably identify more with your parents. If my son brings a disrespectful woman into my home I won't have an axe to grind with her but with him. He's the one who selected her and brought her into the family. He's the one who brought her into my home. I didn't raise her, so she owes me nothing special. If someone has put your parents in a tight spot, it was you.


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## CrazyCora (Oct 5, 2014)

Life is never good when it comes down to "My wife or my mother". I also believe that it is never good to live with parents long term. Short term while you finish building your house or something like that. But long term living with your parents is a very hard thing. 

I agree that your wife could be more kind towards your parents but you harping on her for it is probably making her resent them even more. As the wife of a man who is very close with his mother, I feel for your wife. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with your parents, but... When you get married it is time to leave the nest and start a new family. I bet she's feeling like she's in 2nd place and your parents are in 1st on your priority list.

I feel like your condition of her having another child in order to get her own home is wrong. Both partners need to happily agree to having another child. She may not be ready to cope with caring for two children. The last thing you want is for her to resent you or the child. When you get into your own home and take some pressures off of your marriage she may be much more open to more kids.

It's good to be close with extended family, but there IS such a thing as too close.


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## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

Is there a cultural thing going on here boxing judge, is it more typical in your culture for parents to live with their kids?


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

greenfern said:


> Is there a cultural thing going on here boxing judge, is it more typical in your culture for parents to live with their kids?


Yes, it is fairly common for people from the Balkans to live with there parents although it's changing.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Is your wife from the Balkans, too?


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

I would also like to add East Indians live with there parents and grand parents in some cases in the US and the divorce rate is much lower. I wonder why?


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> Is your wife from the Balkans, too?


Yes


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Dude, move out, quit giving your wife ultimatums, grow up, read some marriage books, or keep being a momma's boy that will be good for no self respecting woman and give your wife an equitable divorce.

You are no good as a man right now. I can't believe your wife has suffered you this long.

I hope you learn to honor your wife and forsake all others.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

To answer your original question.. I'm not sure where you are or how the world works there. Here in America, you have a "right' to be mad or offended about anything, everything, or nothing. Whether being mad is going to help improve your life or your marriage is quite another issue.


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> To answer your original question.. I'm not sure where you are or how the world works there. Here in America, you have a "right' to be mad or offended about anything, everything, or nothing. Whether being mad is going to help improve your life or your marriage is quite another issue.


That is why divorce rates are through the roof. You have a right to be at nothing cracks me up


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Boxing judge said:


> That is why divorce rates are through the roof. You have a right to be at nothing cracks me up


I don't care what your culture. I will do what you want if you have another baby is a damned dumb way to plan a family. Trying to coerce someone into have a child is nasty, all the way polar opposite from loving.

Personally, I think you should have married your mother.

<-- Happily married 20 years and living peacefully two towns over from his mother.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> To answer your original question.. I'm not sure where you are or how the world works there. Here in America, you have a "right' to be mad or offended about anything, everything, or nothing.


Yup. You have that right. But that and a $20 will get you a Starbucks.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I'm sorry but - if you two have the Master bedroom, where does your child live? Currently with you? Do you never plan on them having a room of their own?

Also, do you know why she's critical of your family? She lives with them every day. The foibles of someone who lives 700 miles away, as painful as they might be, aren't the same as the issues you have daily with people you live with. 

Are you in the financial position to care for your mother the rest of her life? Why only is your mother invited? If your mother dies first, is your father to be left on his own? (That's odd to me, why one parent not the other?) If she gets ill and requires nursing or advanced care, is one of you going to quit your job to care for her? Can you afford that?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Just in the little bit you posted I actually felt compassion for your wife and wondered how she could take it. Personally it seems to me like your wife has had it with your family and cannot respond due to her own hard feelings. I would suggest that you move out on your own and see if things improve before trying for another child.


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## Canon in D (Aug 24, 2014)

Could you share what race or culture are you from? Did your wife's parents agree to your marriage? Do they like you at all? I wondered why they do not keep in touch as you suggested. Do they send their regards to you through your wife but you weren't told about? Are they like washing their hands off their daughter's life because their son-in-law is still living with his parents which they disagree? Do they have any respect for you at all?

I understand how you would want to care for your mom if she was alone, but right now that seems like a bad idea to raise this point with your wife. Do your parents interfere with how you and your wife raise or discipline your kid? Does your wife want them to take care of the kids? Does she agree with how they care for your kids? Is she feeling disrespected by how she can't discipline her own kids or to tell your mother on how she feels is the appropriate way to care for HER KIDS. Other than her needs to be the only queen in the castle, she may be feeling powerless in having no say since you are not paying any bills, which makes me wonder why? Why aren't you paying any bills to help contribute?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Boxing judge said:


> I have plenty of money saved and could afford a 2000 square foot house fairly comfortably. To be honest I do not have any plans really, if it was up to me I would probably stay here.


Are you even aware that no woman would ever marry you if she heard you say that?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Your wife is not thankful or happy living in your parents home, because she does not want to be there. She would like to set up a home with you. That is not selfish. It is normal.
It seems you came here to bolster your case against your wife, but no one as agrees with you, because you are the one who is being unreasonable.
Your relationship with your mother seems to be emotionally monogamous to your mother. That puts your wife below your mother in ranking in your life which is unhealthy for your entire family.
Your wife needs you to bond properly with her and to start your own household.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

turnera said:


> Are you even aware that no woman would ever marry you if she heard you say that?


Love it.:iagree:


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## Brennalynn (Oct 13, 2014)

Hard to say without knowing the full story. My husband is turkish, so there are a lot of cultural differences, but after my son was born, his mother lived with us. She is a very critical, and particular person. BUT she was very very helpful. Too helpful actually. I couldn't take care of my son how I wanted to. It was 90 degrees out and she had him in longs sleeves wrapped in a blanket. If I helped with cooking or cleaning, she would just take over because she has her own system I guess. Long story short, it would be hard to live like that forever. It is stressful to not be able to take car of your house the way you want to. When I stay at my parents house, I don't always say good night or morning to them...look and see how she is with her family, maybe she is just used to the way she grew up.


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## hardcandy (Sep 16, 2014)

NO, you don't have the right to be mad at your wife.

It sounds like you want to be married to your mom and resent your wife for not being more like your mom.

You're being very unloving towards your wife, making unfair deals!

It is a RIGHT that your wife has to be the lady of her household. She is not asking for anything unusual.

Do you even love your wife? Do you even care for her? Why are you still married to her if you couldn't care less about her happiness/feelings?

While it is disrespectful not to greet your parents, I sense there is a huge history behind that...

A mother can't be a wife but a wife can be a mother.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Brennalynn said:


> Hard to say without knowing the full story. My husband is turkish, so there are a lot of cultural differences, but after my son was born, his mother lived with us. She is a very critical, and particular person. BUT she was very very helpful. Too helpful actually. I couldn't take care of my son how I wanted to. It was 90 degrees out and she had him in longs sleeves wrapped in a blanket. If I helped with cooking or cleaning, she would just take over because she has her own system I guess. Long story short, it would be hard to live like that forever. It is stressful to not be able to take car of your house the way you want to. When I stay at my parents house, I don't always say good night or morning to them...look and see how she is with her family, maybe she is just used to the way she grew up.


But this isn't a case of bringing your mom in to take care of her. It's him not wanting to leave his MOM's house. That's a big no-no for new wives unless it's just what the culture demands.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

*Do I have a right to be mad at wife for not respecting my wishes regarding my...*

Part of the fun in raising children is teaching your parents as well. I always chuckle when I'm in Chicago in the spring, 60F and the Indian kids are wearing parkas  because the grandparents in tow are afraid the kids will get a chill. I had my parents over winter a couple times and they never mentioned anything.

But they were peculiar with feeding... Anyone that does not look super well fed is starving in their opinion 

If they are receptive and adapt to the new realities then we are fine. (What? You can buy meat at 3 am?)...


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## Canon in D (Aug 24, 2014)

*Re: Re: Do I have a right to be mad at wife for not respecting my wishes regarding my*



turnera said:


> But this isn't a case of bringing your mom in to take care of her. It's him not wanting to leave his MOM's house. That's a big no-no for new wives unless it's just what the culture demands.


In some culture it's a norm to be living with the parents even when you are grown up, I wonder if that's part of the reason OP was adamant in not moving out.


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## forthekids64 (Jun 1, 2014)

30s married with a kid and living with your parents, what a great recipe for disaster.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

*Do I have a right to be mad at wife for not respecting my wishes regarding my...*



forthekids64 said:


> 30s married with a kid and living with your parents, what a great recipe for disaster.



I have lived away from my parents since I was 17 for college in my birth country. Moved to the USA at age 22. You better believe I would like some more time with my parents - too late for that -.

I know I deprived my parents of quality time with me. And I'm pretty sure they would not have wanted to live with me for good. They were saints. Even my semi evil  wife said as much. My in-laws? Monsters. Again, by my wife's definition. 

America has gotten a lot of things right but a few not quite so. Think of the "it takes a village" approach. That's a big one. I grew up in a village where it was everyone's business whose kid did what. And we all did very well...


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Some thoughts:

1. Your head is in the wrong family unit. When you marry and have children, you are creating a new family that requires a strong foundation. That means putting your wife before your mother. Period. If you don't do that, your children will lack the nuclear family they need to feel secure. You had that growing up and your children deserve that now.

2. Stop putting your mother on a pedestal. She may be Mother Teresa, but you aren't married to her. I would resent the you know what out of my H if he put me down while lifting his mother up. This is another way in which you are ensuring that your children grow up without a strong nuclear family. 

3. I assume you and your wife are American and therefore don't have the cultural background that accepts living with parents as the norm. Yet you expect your wife to be ok with this. Well, she's not and most American women would not be, either.

4. Yes, you live in a nice home. But it's NOT your nice home and your wife has no opportunity to nest and make it hers. As others have pointed out, your parents are her providers, her landlords, and her roommates. YUCK! I think your wife is ABSOLUTELY right to want to have a place of your own, to establish YOUR family unit.

5. You sound like a spoiled, selfish child. I don't like to call people names, but it's so apparent here that I feel the need to say it. You are not a grown up and you need to become one asap.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

On a personal note, I was engaged to a man who was an attorney and general counsel for our company. When we got engaged, his parents decided it was time to give the responsibility of paying his credit card bills back to him. He got upset, saying that this was the worst possible time to do that. I lost a huge amount of respect for him with his little selfish temper tantrum on that. He acted like a spoiled child, and no woman wants to marry that. I eventually broke off the engagement. I share this to say that adults should enter a marriage. If you can't handle the adult world, then you aren't marriage material.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Your wife's lack of respect and actions are NOT good. Kind of childish.

HOWEVER, you should be living on your own.....not with your parents.

Stop with the "conditions", you are negotiating with your loved one and shoving stuff down her throat. Not cool. You 2 should be working together, talking things out and making decisions TOGETHER.

I never EVER recommend living with ANYONE (especially in laws). Any time you live with someone, in time, it causes conflict and entire dynamic of the household changes (also effects your relationship).

NOT recommended NOW or when/if your father passes away.


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## forthekids64 (Jun 1, 2014)

*Re: Re: Do I have a right to be mad at wife for not respecting my wishes regarding my*



john117 said:


> I have lived away from my parents since I was 17 for college in my birth country. Moved to the USA at age 22. You better believe I would like some more time with my parents - too late for that -.
> 
> I know I deprived my parents of quality time with me. And I'm pretty sure they would not have wanted to live with me for good. They were saints. Even my semi evil  wife said as much. My in-laws? Monsters. Again, by my wife's definition.
> 
> America has gotten a lot of things right but a few not quite so. Think of the "it takes a village" approach. That's a big one. I grew up in a village where it was everyone's business whose kid did what. And we all did very well...


My kids will be welcome to live with me as long as they want until they are married. I come from the old country as well but your situation is rediculous. Why not get a house near your parents and then you can see them as much as you like. I don't blame your wife at all, I am sure she is very frustrated with her situation. I can understand people in 3rd world countries being unable to move out but we are in America, plenty of homes and if you have a decent job, you can probably get your own place. What you are doing is unfair to all who are around you.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

SurpriseMyself said:


> Some thoughts:
> 
> 1. Your head is in the wrong family unit. When you marry and have children, you are creating a new family that requires a strong foundation. *That means putting your wife before your mother.* Period. If you don't do that, your children will lack the nuclear family they need to feel secure. You had that growing up and your children deserve that now.


That ain't happening where I come from. Parent-child relationships are generally stronger than husband-wife. And divorce rate is under half of what's in the USA. Wives generally bring their own assets into a marriage (real estate) and those don't become marital property generally. But I suppose the backwaters of Europe can't compete with Western civilization :scratchhead:

The extreme is where my wife comes from (one of the -istans in Asia) and there it's the parents' duty to interfere as much as possible with the couple. I'm not talking about that. Wife's family pretty much covers the entire DSM-IV (and V, and VI, ... ) with their issues. But I'm talking reasonable people. 

I suppose it all depends on the individuals and circumstances, and it would take a consensus of both partners to define the limits, etc. Mostly financial issues, not privacy related. Privacy, as others said, you can solve in a jiffy by putting the folks up in an apartment. But financial and practical issues trump privacy issues. If you have a parent with a serious chronic condition, good luck getting them insurance... It's a bit better today (i.e. satellite TV, internet radio, newspapers...) but a grandpa has to be very determined to survive in the USA in a smaller city especially - or suburbia in an apartment.


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