# Ever get that feeling?



## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

When your almost 99.9% sure your wife has slept with somebody else you have such disgust for her & her lieing,lied to her children? Why is it nobody can ever say well I like somebody else im going to be upfront & tell you Im leaving to sleep with him?? be honest why lie ?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

gregj123 said:


> When your almost 99.9% sure your wife has slept with somebody else you have such disgust for her & her lieing,lied to her children? Why is it nobody can ever say well I like somebody else im going to be upfront & tell you Im leaving to sleep with him?? be honest why lie ?


Because it's easier to find someone else than it is to face the problem and try to solve it. it was for me.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Its just a lowdown thing to do lie to me but not the kids!


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

for a woman that is I understand why a man would.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

gregj123 said:


> for a woman that is I understand why a man would.


Why do you understand a man does but not a woman ???

I think part of it is they are ashamed a bit, they don't want to be the bad guy, they don't want the drama.....I don't know.....

Even though my ex-husband said he hasn't cheated physically, I'm positive he has emotionally....

And I just can't shake the lack of trust I have in him now....

Anytime he goes somewhere (even with our kids like today) I keep thinking "Is he going to meet up with someone ?" maybe wanting to introduce our kids to her.....even though we're still living together and probably will for a while.....

I just don't trust him anymore


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

It is a low down thing for a woman to do... But it is UNDERSTANDABLE why a MAN would? If you believe that, then you have a pretty strong head start toward figuring out.... gee... why would my wife do that?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Why would they do that? why wouldn't they tell you?.....

Hmmmmm.... lol. Let's see....

"because they love you but they are not in love with you"

"because they were never happy"

"because it "just happened"

"because they have a right to be happy"

"because the other person is "there for them"

"because they don't know you anymore"

"because they never wanted to hurt you"


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Men hurt women all the time & most of the time the women forgive them & take them back, Im a man & I could not look her in the face if I cheated on her & basically tell lies Im sorry its just not right,nobody knows what goes on in somebody elses head but its not right not at all. Always said from the beginning if there is somebody else tell me Ill go quitely.lieing just sucks.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

For some its the rush they get by having that secret life.

Others want the security and stability of being treated like a wife, and at the same time the excitement and attention of being treeated like a women.

Face it, cheating isn't something you brag about, it is by its own definition taking an easy way out of occomplishing something you have to work for.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> how do you know she had an affair?? you had a prob with he being in facebook, and she stopped talking to you. only after you put her in this box and threw money at her, and told her money matters and thats the only thing i understand.
> 
> you could have cut the internet. it wouldnt have been the end of the world, im sure she has the latest 4G phone, and other expinsive thing. you didnt make her a priorty, then when she stopped making you one, you had a fit.
> 
> ...


You dont know me or everything that has happenned what am I going to do??? Ive done alll I can she has had a good life good husband compared to all the other jerks that you all complain about on here & stay with even after they cheated & never treated you like a women ,My only fault as a husband was not being a man & let her walk all over me because I loved her so much put her shoes on when her back hurt ,make her coffee in the morning 14 years of never leaving the toilet seat up or pissin on the seat I DID NOT DESERVE WHAT I GOT OR HAVE GOTTON!!! DONE TO ME verybody may think its my fault some how but you just dont do somebody like that & yeah I blame FB internet to easy to be tempted. call it boredom or what low self estem??? I dont know but putting the blame on me BS!


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

You are not 100% to blame for your marital issues. Probably more like 50%, but your attitude of "it's ALL her" makes me think that it's more like 75% on your part. 

What are you working on right now to fix your relationship?


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

75% on her Im trying shes not two people got to want to try not just one,cant compete with something new anyway.if you know what I mean


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## SurprisedinME (Jan 7, 2011)

gregj123 said:


> When your almost 99.9% sure your wife has slept with somebody else you have such disgust for her & her lieing,lied to her children? Why is it nobody can ever say well I like somebody else im going to be upfront & tell you Im leaving to sleep with him?? be honest why lie ?


Why? Because it's easier to lie than to own your sh$t.

Have you ever seen a kid lie about something dumb? Something small that is no big deal? Right, it's like that. It's easier to lie than take responsibility. 

All we can do is set boundaries and don't do that ourselves. Take responsibility, teach responsibility, expect responsibility from adults in our life.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Im just trying to keep a roof over our kids head know,& thats hard enough to do,let the chips fall as they may im just burnt out want to crawl in a hole somewhere.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

WhereAmI said:


> You are not 100% to blame for your marital issues. Probably more like 50%, but your attitude of "it's ALL her" makes me think that it's more like 75% on your part.


:iagree:


> What are you working on right now to fix your relationship?


Screaming about the injustice on here, it seems.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

yep hurting really bad


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

gregj123 said:


> Men hurt women all the time & most of the time the women forgive them & take them back, Im a man & I could not look her in the face if I cheated on her & basically tell lies Im sorry its just not right,nobody knows what goes on in somebody elses head but its not right not at all. Always said from the beginning if there is somebody else tell me Ill go quitely.lieing just sucks.


Don't hold women to a higher standard than men regarding cheating and lying.

Cheaters are deceptive people--period.

An unfaithful woman uses every crappy tool in their arsenal (huge) just as much as a man may.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

stuck to her story to no end where she was all weekend with tears & all & I know for a fact she was not there. just sad sad sad


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

gregj123 said:


> stuck to her story to no end where she was all weekend with tears & all & I know for a fact she was not there. just sad sad sad


Yup, I'm sorry for this.

BTW, my wife swore literally with her hand on the Bible her father gave her (and still treasures, for what I do not know), that she was not cheating, just going for coffee with a friend -- and how awful of me to think otherwise.

A cheater doesn't give a rip even as to what they do to themself.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

They don't think even two steps ahead. ... when something doesn't seem right to the LS and they are questioned or confronted they just do what needs to be done to cover up. I don't think they plan out every situation and all the "what ifs". They just think on the fly and hope for the best. I haven't even wrapped my head around the A; it may be because I don't have a lot of details and I don't want them. The ugly details would haunt me so I'm glad I didn't have that thrown in my face as part of the big "reveal". What I grapple with is the level of deception; the lying right to my face; the blame shifting and all the hurtful, untrue things that were said to me all in the name of covering up to protect himself and the OW. I agree with whoever said that it's gross regardless of whether it's a man or a woman. Gender doesn't matter. Evil knows no gender. ....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

greg- this kind af thing sucks and my wife has left me plenty of week ends. I choose to deny it and bury my head in the sand.

But for you and for someone that is acknolodging the fact that your spouse is with some one else, and it is proven, and you didn't take her things over to were she said she was at and walk away?

In my case it took me for years to except that my wife was sleeping around, I got the proof and threw it in her face and walked away. It was very strange for me... One day I told my self that I/we needed a change. I just could not lolorate it any more and stoop up and....well made a stand.

I didn't want my wife to leave but the stonger feeling of living with a cheating spouse was stronger. I mean I would have done any thing but for some reason unannouced to me I got this strengeth that as calmly as the day is long, I just spouted out these words I didn't mean like "I can handle this", "I don,t need you", and I even started packing her things. I mean I realy love her and wanted her but I was going through this outer body experience all most like someone was controlling me in that there was no cring or begging I wanted to plead with her to stop behaving the way she was but it won't come out. I jsut talked and walked like business as usual.

I quess my point is there will be a time when self preservasion will kick in and the pain will reach a point were your mental state will just... IDK come to a cross road and stop tolorating the pain that she is causing you and you just start takind action.

Some folks can get into trouble and anger can take over, but I fell lucking, it was this calming feeling that everything was going to be ok I just had to get her out.

Of course she freaked out and I clamly walked around the house and she never saw me act this way and blah blah blah. 
Point is I found the strength to show her some tough love and the confidence was...pure. 


Sorry for the rant I just still have some strong emotions on how it all went down for me, maybe I should have started my own thread. Again sorry for the thread jack. My perspective is there I hope you can read through my emotions and see the point.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

greg123 - I am also going through reconciliation with my wife - 26 years married - 20 years cheating with 3 men. It is real hard not to draw into yourself and focus solely on the A. Youa re not respponsible for what she did, period. Every marriage has issues and often the issues are not understood by the LS until the wake up call of the A hits. These issues create fertile ground for an A, they do not cause it but the definitely encourage it. To reconcile and come out the other with a marriage that is better and stronger, that fertilizer needs to applied to marriage by resolving those issues. You must look inside yourself and understand what your wife did not like or was missing from you in the marriage. All of the caretaking of your wife and her financial/life needs are not a substitute for being there, loving her in way she needs, warmth and closeness and time for just the two of you. I have done a lot of the caretaking and support over the years. I failed miserably in meeting her emotional needs and understanding her reactions to my strong nature when we argued (ALPHA BS) and finally in just being there becasue my job required to travel extensively. Before she decided to R, I started working on those issues and made sure she understood I was committed to long term change in my self regardless of whether or not we did R. It seem very backa*swards to be the one changing to save the marriage when she hasn't even ended contact with the OM, but that's what I did. I also focused immediately on changing the way I interacted with her on issues and even on my reactions to the A. Tearing her apart and attacking her about it will only drive her away. In one MC session just before D day, she made it clear we were done and wanted D. I still kept my course described. It was that effort that convinced there was a real change in me and a future in R. It is hardest thing to do with an axe sticking out of your head from D day. I even had days when I was too close to offing myself and the OM - so much so I sought help. Thank god I did because I have three kids the youngest who is only 15 and may not even be mine.

So - find the strength and hold onto the small shred of hope you have that you can R and take action. Work on yourself because you cannot shake or force her into reality. A member named disbelief has a long thread and lots of good advice on moving forward. Read up.

Remember, if you don't get off "it's all her", you will fail and will be like many of the bitter people in these forums. Think of her needs and work on yourself.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

yep my story is just starting found more evidence last night really sucks im really in the dumps today!!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It is going to be a tough ride and remember, its not what knocks us down that matters, its how we get back up that counts.

Even though you can't control her, you can control what you do and how you handle it. There is alot of info out there so read up and inpower your self to fight.

Stay in control and take the time to make good discision you will come up with a plan and you will get through this. 

Many folks on this site are going through or have gone through this crap. You make it stay strong and good luck, keep posting there is great support here.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Its so hard Im worried for my kids shes in denile its gonna screw up the kids,when they thought their mom & dad were perfect smaleest tow still do .but she is on my oldest when he sees whats happening dont beleive its her fault! that she dont hug daddy anymore or really say anything.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This is all the more reason to get off your hands and take action. Letting this continue, in my opinion makes it worse for the kids. I think once daddy stands up and reprimands mommy it will make sence to them. See mommy is behaving baddly and she gets away with it. Change that!

Its been a while since I read your original post, so the question is do you have proof that there is an OM? If not get it, the only way she will get out of denial is to see it in your hands (the proof that is).

Why would a criminal confess to a crime with out evidence?


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