# Girlfriend freaked out when I said I wanted to do yoga.



## justjoined (Sep 18, 2012)

Just so there is no confusion, I am a male in my late twenties. Been with my GF for over a year and we are heading towards marriage.

Last night I was talking with her and brought up the fact that I wanted to start doing yoga. I briefly tried it before and know it has many health benefits so I want to take it up again. No classes or anything, just doing the exercises at home, by myself.

I asked her what her opinion was on the matter. Well this totally blew up in my face because she freaked out. She thinks that "it is gay, weird, and princess-like" for men to do yoga. She flat out does not want me doing it. 

I was blown away by how much she hates the idea of me doing it. I don't get why. Is it really gay to do yoga? Then she starts playing the blame game and making me feel guilty for not respecting the ONE thing (her words here) that she does not want me to do. She started telling me about how would I like it if she took up pole dancing and/or prostitution. Then she said more stuff that just pissed me off.

So I can't help but laugh because I find what she said to be completely ridiculous but I'm also mad because what she is asking me is completely unrealistic. I want to do it for ME, for the health benefits. 

If you want to skip reading the whole thing, it all boils down to two questions:
1. Is it gay for men to do yoga?
2. Is it unfair for your GF or wife to ask you to not do yoga?


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

IMHO

1. It is not "gay" for men to do Yoga.
2. It is not fair of anyone to try and stop their partner improving their physical and emotional health.


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## UsernameHere (Sep 26, 2013)

I could understand maybe if you wanted to suddenly do "ballet dancing" but yoga seems pretty harmless.

How on earth does she try to equate that yoga is on a parallel with Pole dancing/prostitution?

If it's something that you want to do for yourself, and is not harming anyone else in the process then I really can't see why she would object to keeping yourself healthy.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

justjoined said:


> 1. Is it gay for men to do yoga?


It's gay for men to have sex with other men. It might be feminine for men to do yoga.



> 2. Is it unfair for your GF or wife to ask you to not do yoga?


It depends on the reason. If she sees yoga as feminine, then she's really asking you not to be feminine. If you wanted to start cross dressing, would it be unfair for your GF to object? I wouldn't think so.

Also, don't act like this is coming out of left field. You suspected your girlfriend would object to this. That's why you broached the subject and asked her opinion. I doubt you would have asked her opinion on you going to the gym and working out. So, you thought she might object, and she has. Your choice now is to do it anyway, or exercise in a way that your GF thinks is more masculine.

Good luck.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

I spent my life playing rugby league. That is like rugby union (college rugby), but rougher.

Now, in my thirties, I do yoga to repair the damage. Most people do it are already very flexible and should be doing resistance training instead, but the men who come with sports injuries benefit greatly.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It's not at all gay.
And she is completely out of line.

I used to do yoga. Yes, it is most popular with women in North America, and a lot of men do it and teach it.

There is a principle involved here. She has an irrational aversion to yoga for some reason, and perhaps you can get to the bottom of that. However, it should not stop you from doing it if you feel it is good for you (and it surely is). Unless there is a damned good reason to give in to her request, then this could be the slender end to the wedge where she puts other limits on you and controls your life. Don't let that happen. It's not like sexting other women, after all, where her limits matter!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

LOL you have any idea how much poon male yoga teachers get.

Its ANYTHING but gay.

Not my thing but...


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

Sounds like you touched on a secret.
I believe she's afraid due to some lacking in quality of her character.
Could be she went to yoga classes at one time. Found the straight guys there moistening and fears some women my do the same towards you if someday you start to attend classes. 
A lot of sexy ladies do yoga. This might just be me but when I went to yoga it seemed like the women got more horny as a class went on.

Not sure. But sounds like she's insecure about something to do with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

The P90X exercise system uses Yoga, it helps with flexibility.
Your GF has some issues if she thinks doing Yoga is "gay" & comparing it to pole dancing or hooking.
I'd start doing the Yoga & dump the GF.


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## Princess Puffin'stuff (Mar 8, 2013)

Big bright red flag waving in your face right about now. And this is just the beginning. How many other things do you think she's going to try to control later on? More ridiculous things. Sounds like she doesn't want you to improve yourself. That's not someone you should consider spending your life with. It really is just as simple as that. 

You would be infinitely better off to dump the girlfriend and take a yoga class where you might even find a much better girlfriend. 

I'm gay and I'm not yoga. I mean, I DO yoga, but so do plenty of straight people. Using the word gay as a pejorative is really obnoxious. You ought to dump her for that alone.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

she thinks your shopping for a more flexible partner!

and maybe you should be!

shes your girlfriend so she is showing you her true colors......she will start acting this way anytime you want to do something she doesn't like.

do you really want this type of girlfriend?

I would run far far away.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Welcome to a lose lose situation.
You don't do the yoga, then your girl has esablished the ability to control you and she will hate you for that. If you do yoga, then she could view you in a feminine manner and become unattracted to you.

Since it will be a long painful, slow to erode into crappy life if you stay with a woman who can order you not do to things and hate you for it, I would recommend you do the yoga. But you have to do it knowing that there could be consequences. You tell her that you love her and would hate to lose her over this, but you decided you want to try it out. 
How you handled deciding and trying to to it is absolutely crucial.
You cannot do it in a way to "make her happy" with your decision, or get her to see your point of view. You have to decide to do knowing that there is no way for her to like your decision and she has the freedom to choose what to do about it.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Agree with chillymorn: she thinks that if you take up yoga, that you're going to "meet someone".

Ask if she would object to you going with her, then you'll be together...

...unless there are other men at her place, and something's going on that she doesn't want you to see.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I do hot yoga, lots of men in the class. Older men, younger men, in shape men, not in shape men. Nothing gay about being both strong and flexible.

I married a male gymnast. Strong and flexible is a huge turn on. Built like a gorilla. Nothing gay about that baby!


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

justjoined said:


> ......we are heading towards marriage.


^^ This is a mistake. (At least for right now. Keep your eyes wide open. Watch and learn.) 

Doing yoga for your health IS NOT a mistake! 

Sometimes when I go to the gym I will lift weights. I guess that makes me "gay" too. 

The ignorance in your GF kills me. 

When I saw the title of your thread I figured it had to do with you going to a yoga class and being with a bunch of (mostly) women in yoga pants with their butts up in the air and THAT is what she was insecure and upset about. 

But what your GF is upset with is something I can't even give advice on. Like one person said, it is a lose-lose situation. 

And this will not the the "one thing" she gets upset about. But I know you know that. 

She's showing you who she is. Believe her. 

Wow.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Phenix70 said:


> *The P90X exercise system uses Yoga, it helps with flexibility.*
> Your GF has some issues if she thinks doing Yoga is "gay" & comparing it to pole dancing or hooking.
> I'd start doing the Yoga & dump the GF.


I was going to mention this as well. Its a TOUGH workout, and there are MEN doing yoga in the video!


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Just seems bizarre to me -- it says something about HER insecurities imo. Ask her if this guy seems gay:

San Antonio Spurs News, Scores, Stats & Analysis – Spurs Nation » Griffin credits yoga for health, explosive hops


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Regardless, I would be concerned about staying in a relationship with someone like that, it sounds oppressive. Do you want to feel like you can't be yourself with your own wife?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

It doesn't matter if it's gay or not.

What matters is she THINKS it is. Either you change her perspective to a more rational one, you leave, or you stay and endure the inevitable fall-out of a woman who see's you as less of a man.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I agree that this is a lose-lose situation for you. I feel sorry for you because no matter what you do now you will not like the consequences.

Please seriously consider whether you really want to marry this girl. This incident may seem trivial right now, but in 10-20 years, if you marry her I have a feeling that you'll look back at it as the beginning of something that will cause you a whole lotta misery.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

There are always men in my yoga classes.

I think her POV is pretty narrow-minded. 

Is she a homophobe?

There is nothing wrong with wanting to make your body better.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

OP, one thing probably should be considered here. What is your body type? Are you muscular, or more on the scrawny side? If you're the latter, she may already be feeling less attraction to you than either of you would like as she may not see you as very masculine, and yoga may only exacerbate this image of you. If you are muscular and in good shape, then the yoga really should not be an issue.


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## justjoined (Sep 18, 2012)

I'm in new territory here. Things have been great between us and although we have had many disagreements, we always met in the middle and worked it out.

I just didn't expect her to react this way. My health is the one area where I will not compromise so of course I'm going to take a stand and go with the yoga. I just hope she can accept that. We're still working on this so we'll see what she says. Thanks for the replies everyone, at least now I know for sure that men doing yoga is definitely not gay!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Princess Puffin'stuff said:


> Big bright red flag waving in your face right about now. And this is just the beginning. How many other things do you think she's going to try to control later on?


Pretty much.

And guys who do yoga are sexy.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

justjoined said:


> I'm in new territory here. Things have been great between us and although we have had many disagreements, we always met in the middle and worked it out.
> 
> I just didn't expect her to react this way. My health is the one area where I will not compromise so of course I'm going to take a stand and go with the yoga. I just hope she can accept that. We're still working on this so we'll see what she says. Thanks for the replies everyone, at least now I know for sure that men doing yoga is definitely not gay!


OK, this is good, but seriously, PLEASE carefully consider if you really want to marry her. I would be very interested to follow what happens for the next 6-12 months.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Also, since you're still just dating, I really recommend that you read a couple books. No More Mr Nice Guy, and Married Man Sex Life Primer.

They teach you how to be a great partner, but a great man, too. Without giving in on things like this.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

so i guess ballet is out of the question!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> so i guess ballet is out of the question!


Actually, in Russia, male ballet dancers are considered macho...and they get all the babes!


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

My wife used to beg me to do yoga. I actually enjoyed it the few times I went, I just feel like in the limited workout time I have I'd rather do a different kind of workout.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok I admit to having skimmed your first post but I just went back and read it in it's entirety.



justjoined said:


> I asked her what her opinion was on the matter. Well this totally blew up in my face because she freaked out. She thinks that "it is gay, weird, and princess-like" for men to do yoga. She flat out does not want me doing it.
> 
> I was blown away by how much she hates the idea of me doing it. I don't get why. Is it really gay to do yoga? *Then she starts playing the blame game and making me feel guilty for not respecting the ONE thing (her words here) that she does not want me to do. She started telling me about how would I like it if she took up pole dancing and/or prostitution. Then she said more stuff that just pissed me off.
> *


These are the red flags.

First, why did you want her "opinion" on your exercising? Why do you need to find out of its "gay" from others? Do you not believe it is, or rather, are you looking to validate the fact that it is, in fact, not gay (which, it isn't. it's exercise. Yoga is an ancient practice that goes back to being a Hindu philosophical exercise, of mind and body. Many men have actually written on the subject and implemented its practices.

Nonetheless, what stands out to me is that she "freaked out" about you doing this, become pouty about it, called you disrespectful for not honoring her telling you NOT to exercise AND likened it to prostitution/pole-dancing. 

Is she always so jumpy about things? Does she normally tell you that you are going against her if you don't do what she likes? Telling you you cannot do things? Likening mundane things like exercising to extreme things like prostitution? I say t his because if she does this in other disagreements with you, then that is a big big problem. And one that is only likely to get worse.


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

John Lee said:


> Ask her if this guy seems gay:
> 
> San Antonio Spurs News, Scores, Stats & Analysis – Spurs Nation Â» Griffin credits yoga for health, explosive hops


FYI -- if anyone is unsure whether or not this guy is gay, let me know. I'll be glad to find out and report back.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

This is not "gay". She can do yoga with you and you can both be healthy,sexy,and flexible together! 

I wish my DH would do yoga w/me. It'd be so HAWT.

You sure you wanna marry a chick with such a closed mind?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Also,is it possible she feels threatened by the thought of having you attend yoga with a bunch of svelte sexy yogi ladies? Could it be her insecurity that is causing her to throw such a vicious tantrum?


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

In India men are the ones who started yoga, it has been very hard for any women to be accepted and respected as leaders and teachers there. 
Indians think it is bizarre that yoga is seen as a feminine thing to do and they can't believe how many women do it in the US.
A sport is not gay or straight. 

This is a huge red flag and I think you really need to rethink this relationship. She sounds very controlling and has anger issues.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Also,is it possible she feels threatened by the thought of having you attend yoga with a bunch of svelte sexy yogi ladies?


He said he was doing the yoga at his home.



Oldfaithful said:


> This is a huge red flag and I think you really need to rethink this relationship. *She sounds very controlling and has anger issues*.


This is the crux of it.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Tell her that you doing it anyhow and go buy hot pink yoga pants and ask her if it makes you ass look big.

Look. Yoga is exercise. No one has the right to tell you not to exercise any way you want. By the way, tell her to grow the hell up.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

So, has she called you the "F" word yet?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

justjoined said:


> She thinks that "it is gay, weird, and princess-like" for men to do yoga. She flat out does not want me doing it...Then she starts playing the blame game and making me feel guilty for not respecting *the ONE thing (her words here) that she does not want me to do*. So, is having an affair "okay" with her then since this is the ONE THING she won't accept? She started telling me about how would I like it if she took up pole dancing and/or prostitution. Illogical and stupid! The equivalent is "How would you like it if I took up auto repair?" Your response would undoubtedly be, "Whatever makes you happy, babe!"Then she said more stuff that just pissed me off. Are you SURE this is the woman you should be building a future with? Not just because she doesn't agree with your interest in yoga, but it's the WAY she disagrees! Insulting, denigrating, immature...there are PLENTY of MATURE women out there (of every age) who could disagree with you in a responsible mature manner. And many more who wouldn't EVEN disagree with you...because it's YOUR business. Yet, you're with HER. And she is NOT going to "change" who she is because she's gotten older, or said "I do", or any other reason!
> 
> I want to do it for ME, for the health benefits. Now imagine you two disagree on FINANCIAL matters (escalate this kind of 'stupid' argument x 20) or, worse imagine you two disagree on matters regarding your children (escalate this kind of 'stupid/illogical' argument x 100). Ugh!
> 
> ...


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## Mo24 (Feb 18, 2014)

I would not even equate ballet dancing as being gay. knew a girl in h.s. who was heavy into ballet to the point of joining a NY ballet company. The few GUYS in ballet are banging very hot girls (if they are not gay...hahaha). 

Also, yoga is extremely good for you. In your 40s it is one of the best exercise programs to help maintain the flexibility you lose, or will be losing, later in life. not a bad thing at all. 

Not sure how you will 'meet someone' if you do it at home by yourself. 

In short, tell her you are doing it and she can get over it.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Honestly man, no activity can make you gay. Being gay means being primarily attracted to men. Even if you liked knitting sweaters and baking cupcakes, that wouldn't make you gay unless you were also attracted to men. Do what you like and find a woman who will be happy for you about it.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

huh, i practice a form of dance that is a mix between ballet and capoeira. i have been practicing it since i was 9 years old.

i have tried to teach my wife to do it... but she gets frustrated after about 30 seconds lol.(takes a LOT of coordination, endurance, and balance).

i learned it as an exercise for a form of martial arts that i practice. 

if anyone told me that the disciplines i practice are a deal breaker, they would have to learn to live without me.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Despite my previous reply, the issue is not whether yoga is gay. She clearly wants a macho man. The solution is to do yoga and prove you make your own decisions. Listen to her, but she is talking nonsense, so continue.

I recommend it for its own sake too.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

My husband does more yoga than I do. He also lifts weights and does martial arts. There are lot of strong masculine looking men in the yoga class. Not like I stared or anything. 

Yoga is not gay and even if it were, so what?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Coffee Amore said:


> Yoga is not gay and even if it were, so what?


:iagree:


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Yoga is about flexibility, balance, and strength. It is also a tool used for relaxation and focus and calming your mind. It is neither gay, nor feminine nor masculine - it's just physical exercise.

If she is comparing yoga to prostitution and pole dancing, there is no way to have a rational discussion with her about this. 



> Yoga is not gay and even if it were, so what?


Yes, exactly.

You know what's gay? Everything. And nothing. Because there are gay people who do all kinds of things in the world, as well as straight people who do all kinds of things. The only differentiator is who they are attracted to and who they have sex with.

If what she's trying to say is that only women do yoga so a man doing it would be feminine, that's her opinion. And she's wrong that men don't do yoga.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

My boys go to a ballet school. It is a very well-run studio, and one of the highest quality children's activities in our town.

Dh took lessons one year, in an effort to share in an activity with the kids, and was in the Nutcracker production with them.

He and the kids can sit and watch a ballet on public tv and make intelligent, insightful comments on the quality of the dancers. I think it's cool.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

justjoined said:


> Just so there is no confusion, I am a male in my late twenties. Been with my GF for over a year and we are heading towards marriage.
> 
> Last night I was talking with her and brought up the fact that I wanted to start doing yoga. I briefly tried it before and know it has many health benefits so I want to take it up again. No classes or anything, just doing the exercises at home, by myself.
> 
> I asked her what her opinion was on the matter. Well this totally blew up in my face because she freaked out. She thinks that "it is gay, weird, and princess-like" for men to do yoga. She flat out does not want me doing it.


Ok first. Your GF is a closed minded tool. But if you like her and want to keep her around, show her a picture of Rodney Yee. Nothing girly about that dude. Yummy!



> I was blown away by how much she hates the idea of me doing it. I don't get why. Is it really gay to do yoga?


No.



> Then she starts playing the blame game and making me feel guilty for not respecting the ONE thing (her words here) that she does not want me to do. She started telling me about how would I like it if she took up pole dancing and/or prostitution. Then she said more stuff that just pissed me off.


She is trying to control you. She will continue to do so.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

OP you're missing the point on this.

It's not about whether or not it's perceived in general to be a "gay" thing to do. It's about what SHE thinks because you are in a relationship with her.

Jellybeans and Hope have this one right. Seriously consider the fact that these are major red flags and she doesn't even have a ring yet.

Someone alluded to it and I will re-state it. It's a sign that she already has an issue with your masculinity.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

No way is it "gay" to do yoga. 

I have a good friend who is a professional yoga instructor. Both her and her husband tell me that the sexual energy in that room is palpable and it is a good place to meet women. So ... if anything ... THAT could cause some problems.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Skip the Lulu Lemon pants.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Deejo said:


> Skip the Lulu Lemon pants.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Maybe he SHOULD wear lululemon pants. He's doing it at home, after all. He can wear the see through ones.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i like to dance, i like to crochet and i like to draw landscapes with calligraphy pens, and im an airborne infantryman. 

if all that makes me gay, well i guess ill just continue being a happy gay man.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Checkout Rodney Yee (Yoga master) with his hot, beautiful wife, and then have her try to tell you its gay. My SO (who weighs 235 pounds, was a former Power Lifting champion, Bodybuilding champion, and the former Mr. Ohio) and I do yoga together all the time. Besides the incredible health benefits, its incredibly sexy to do it together.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> My husband does more yoga than I do. He also lifts weights and does martial arts. There are lot of strong masculine looking men in the yoga class. *Not like I stared or anything. *   :rofl:
> 
> Yoga is not gay and even if it were, so what?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

One more pic just to convince her how much strength and power is developed doing yoga... (I'm still shaking my head at her reaction :scratchhead


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Some women are just not into that. And if she already losing attraction for him and thinks this will be the final straw then it explains her over the top and irrational reaction.

Yes she's wrong. But it does the OP little good. He can't win this argument.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

What other things don't fit her stereotype of what a macho guy is?

Enjoying a glass of wine?
Visiting an art museum?
Eating quiche?
Crying when your beloved pet dies?
Reading certain books?
Listening to certain music?

Honestly, she sounds a bit backwards. You don't need someone in your life who judges you based in arbitrary, ridiculous, pre-conceived notions. Are you willing to sacrifice your individuality for this small minded woman?

Anyone remember the football player, Roosevelt Grier? He was a big, tough NFL defensive lineman. His hobby was knitting. I thought that was the greatest thing because it busted the stereotypes that I had about big, tough guys.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

VermisciousKnid said:


> What other things don't fit her stereotype of what a macho guy is?
> 
> Enjoying a glass of wine?
> Visiting an art museum?
> ...


"She never cried
When Old Yeller died
Do you think I'll cry
When she's gone?"


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

VermisciousKnid said:


> What other things don't fit her stereotype of what a macho guy is?
> 
> Enjoying a glass of wine?
> Visiting an art museum?
> ...


And didn't they call him Rosey? He didn't have an issue with that, either.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

justjoined, I'm sure you're reeling from all the responses. But trust me when I say that the people here have Spidey senses when it comes to current or upcoming problems in relationships. We are DAMNED good at it! We see legions of men just like you, only later in their relationships, who have caved to keep the woman quiet, which just makes her think you're a wimp even more, the lack of respect grows, she keeps making you make MORE concessions, until you have become a beta male. 

Don't do that. Show her now you have your strength and will not appease her on things you believe in. Read the books I recommended. They will go a long way toward helping you establish a MUCH healthier relationship with her.


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## tryingtodoitright (Jan 14, 2014)

justjoined said:


> If you want to skip reading the whole thing, it all boils down to two questions:
> 1. Is it gay for men to do yoga?
> 2. Is it unfair for your GF or wife to ask you to not do yoga?


1. no. perhaps not mainstream, but so what? 
2. yes. unless you're using it to meet other women or some other nefarious purpose.

question for you: did you expect her to have a problem with it? if not, why did you feel the need to broach the subject at all (especially if you're doing it at home, it costing no money, etc)?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Is she typically jealous?


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> ...It might be feminine for men to do yoga.....


I disagree. I practice yoga and hot yoga, and some times Pilates. I also lift weights, run, cycle, practice Karate and Judo, etc. There is nothing feminine about it.

Anyone who has tried yoga can tell you how hard it is...it's incredible strength training, and a great place to meet beautiful women. I got my girlfriend and other friends, both male and female, into yoga, and we often go as couples on the weekend.

Yoga is not feminine or gay. What year is it again? 2014? 

Ridiculous.



justjoined said:


> Just so there is no confusion, I am a male in my late twenties. Been with my GF for over a year and we are heading towards marriage.
> 
> Last night I was talking with her and brought up the fact that I wanted to start doing yoga. I briefly tried it before and know it has many health benefits so I want to take it up again. No classes or anything, just doing the exercises at home, by myself.
> 
> ...


You said you were going to practice at home and she still freaked out and called you gay? 

Dude, sorry you wasted a year of your life with this person. End it now...you'd be crazy to stay with someone who said this to you.

Cut the cord...you'll meet someone new who respects your desire to be healthy and in good shape....you may even meet her in yoga class.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

norajane said:


> And didn't they call him Rosey? He didn't have an issue with that, either.


Yes, they did. No he didn't. He was a cool guy and definitely not a wimp. He wrestled the gun away from Sirhan Sirhan after the latter had assassinated RFK.


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

OP...... I'm a female who...

hunts
rides quads and horses
does weights, kick boxing
and loads people into ambulances

and if I'm gay to do this then so be it.

OP.... I think you need to reprioritize your thinking here. I would be more concerned about your relationship with your girlfriend instead of worrying about yoga being gay. Honestly....my red flags went up about her and all can think is.....you need to cool your heals and put marriage on the back burner until your relationship gets straightened out.

If she is this way now....what's going to happen further down the road? I can guarantee you....it's not going to be a pleasant sight and you'll be back on here...totally broken in heart and spirit...because of her controlling nature.

Seriously...please reconsider your relationship with your girlfriend...it will save your sanity in the end.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

OP...
ok, despite the calls to reconsider your relationship(which is not BAD advice, by the way)

ill say this. if you really want your relationship to work, sit down and tell your girlfriend how you feel about it. if she wants to judge you for doing yoga, make it perfectly clear to her that SHE is the one with the problem. you cant stop someone from judging you if they want to judge you. 

if i were you, i wouldn't even worry about it. nobody has the right or the ability to decide for you what is acceptable and good for YOU. 

only you can do that. if she doesn't like it, she can offer her input. you still get to decide what you will do about it. 

all you really have to do is know you and be you. if that's not enough, then don't get yourself tied down to someone who wont let you be you.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

As'laDain said:


> OP...
> ok, despite the calls to reconsider your relationship(which is not BAD advice, by the way)
> 
> ill say this. if you really want your relationship to work, sit down and tell your girlfriend how you feel about it. if she wants to judge you for doing yoga, make it perfectly clear to her that SHE is the one with the problem. you cant stop someone from judging you if they want to judge you.
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

As'laDain said:


> OP...
> ok, despite the calls to reconsider your relationship(which is not BAD advice, by the way)
> 
> ill say this. if you really want your relationship to work, sit down and tell your girlfriend how you feel about it. if she wants to judge you for doing yoga, make it perfectly clear to her that SHE is the one with the problem. you cant stop someone from judging you if they want to judge you.
> ...


that was my 300th post! 

i must celebrate. i see vodka and my incredibly adorable and sexy wife involved...


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

I agree with most of the responses, but it doesn't change the fact this thread is dripping with hypocrisy.

I won't name names, but I recognize at least three people in this thread that elsewhere said that spouses should get a *"veto"* and be able to ask their partner to stop doing something if it really bothers them. This often comes up with issues of watching porn, taking trips alone, being friends with members of the opposite sex, etc. "_If it really bothers the wife, then the husband should stop_" is a quote I hear often on TAM. Sometimes people quote Dr. Harley's "policy of joint agreement" that says "_Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse". _

So why should yoga be any different???

Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything wrong with yoga. And the OP's fiancee is acting stupidly and has no right to stop him from doing it. But then again, I don't agree with the idea of a "veto" either. 

But I'm just pointing out that some people on TAM are very inconsistent in the advice they give out.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Your GF comes across as under average intelligence to be honest. Good luck marrying such a twit.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Theseus said:


> I agree with most of the responses, but it doesn't change the fact this thread is dripping with hypocrisy.
> 
> I won't name names, but I recognize at least three people in this thread that elsewhere said that spouses should get a *"veto"* and be able to ask their partner to stop doing something if it really bothers them. This often comes up with issues of watching porn, taking trips alone, being friends with members of the opposite sex, etc. "_If it really bothers the wife, then the husband should stop_" is a quote I hear often on TAM. Sometimes people quote Dr. Harley's "policy of joint agreement" that says "_Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse". _
> 
> ...


eh, ill never stop practicing my krava kodenaigh. if my wife decides some day that she doesnt like it, she will let me practice in private. i wont stop being me for anyone.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Male ballet dancer:









Male Yoga practionitioner:









I dunno, can kinda see where she's coming from lol

But still it's not that bad...


__
Sensitive content, not recommended for those under 18
Show Content


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Theseus said:


> I agree with most of the responses, but it doesn't change the fact this thread is dripping with hypocrisy.
> 
> I won't name names, but I recognize at least three people in this thread that elsewhere said that spouses should get a *"veto"* and be able to ask their partner to stop doing something if it really bothers them. This often comes up with issues of watching porn, taking trips alone, being friends with members of the opposite sex, etc. "_If it really bothers the wife, then the husband should stop_" is a quote I hear often on TAM. Sometimes people quote Dr. Harley's "policy of joint agreement" that says "_Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse". _
> 
> ...


The differences between the kinds of things you're mentioning and doing yoga at home are kind of headsmackingly obvious. The others all interfere with intimacy with your partner. I don't see how yoga does.


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## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

1. Is it gay for men to do yoga? Absolutely not. 

2. Is it unfair for your GF or wife to ask you to not do yoga? Yes. 

My H does yoga with me, and no one would ever accuse him of being gay. Frankly, your girlfriend's reaction is absurd. 

If she is reacting so strongly about something so inconsequential like this, I would seriously reconsider the relationship. It is concerning thinking about how she would react to real life problems.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Lots to see here.

1) she has stated that this will change how she views you. She will see you as more feminine. This may or may not be true, but if you choose this path, you are establishing that you don't care how she views you. 

2) As stated, MANY women in yoga classes. She may think you are shopping for her replacement. Does she have a reason to think this?

3) If she is out of shape, she might see this as some kind of pressure for her to control herself as well. Much easier to not change the status quo.

4) Ahem...um...she might have doubts about your sexuality. Do you like Barbra Streisand films? Manscaping? Do you own more than 4 hair products? Just asking...

5) she might just be a control freak. How much control of your life does she have already?

It could be a combination of these things.

Haven't read the whole thread, so you may see these answers already


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

IrishGirlVA, 

that has to be one of the funniest sigs I have ever seen.


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## justjoined (Sep 18, 2012)

WOW, thank-you to all the replies. Went through all of them and learned a lot. Definitely made me think.

One thing I saw mentioned repeatedly was why I asked her in the first place. Yes its, true I thought that she might find it a bit weird. So I wanted to discuss this. She does want a macho man. Someone who will always lead, take charge, make all the important decisions, etc. I just never expected just how much she would hate the idea of me doing yoga. The way she reacted was not like her normal self. 

Someone mentioned reading Married Mans Sex Life and No More Mr Nice Guy. I've been lurking on these forums for a long time so I am familiar with those books and have read both. Yes, I will admit that I am beta by nature (have been all my life) but trying to slowly change that. 

Yes, during our argument I did tell her to grow up. Probably not the best thing to say as it just pissed her off even more. 

This whole experience made me think if something like this makes a person go off, just how well do you REALLY know a person? 

*Here is what happened last night.* I told her in a firm and polite manner that I WILL be doing the yoga and I tried to explain myself better. She apologized for the way she acted and said that she was in a bad mood to begin with and was out of line with what she said. I know that she is still not happy about the whole yoga thing but maybe she will learn to accept it with time.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Great. There is nothing better than a happy ending.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Why not join a martial arts class too?


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## x-ray (Jun 12, 2013)

are you already fit or is this the beginning of getting fit?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

So, what happens the next time she gets in a "bad mood"?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

She wants a "macho" man? You mean, like a CAN (Controlling, Abusive Neanderthal)?

I'm beginning to suspect that there is an outside influence on her thinking.


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

F-102 said:


> So, what happens the next time she gets in a "bad mood"?


To be fair, I know that I have done and said things I wish I didn't when I was in a bad mood. Or PMS'ing. Or drunk. Or hung-over. LOL But I think this incident is putting the OP "on notice". Meaning, his GF planted the seed and going forward the OP will be more aware of how her bad moods are handled and how she responds to certain things. 

But the question is a good one. What happens the next time? Your GF cannot keep using the bad mood excuse every time she says something off color. 

Although, I still have a HUGE issue with her choice of words. And no matter her mood and how she apologized for how she responded to your yoga news, there was truth in her words. I think she is sorry for not filtering her words (because it made her look like an ignorant fool) but not sorry for how she feels about it.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

justjoined said:


> 1. Is it gay for men to do yoga?
> 2. Is it unfair for your GF or wife to ask you to not do yoga?


1. No it is not

2. It is fair for her to voice her opinion, but not fair to make you feel so bad about it you don't want to do it.

She obviously has some issue around what she constitutes as "manly". I had this issue in my early twenties, thinking men shouldn't do "unmanly things". I learned that was extremely silly though. Not to mention EXTREMELY wrong. It seems she has some growing to do in this department (if she wants to, anyway). It would be worth delving into what her ideas of manliness are, and where they stem from. Over time, she may see clearly for herself. 

Even if she doesn't, do the yoga (while also respectfully telling your wife why you decided to go against her wishes). It's so good for you!


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

John Lee said:


> The differences between the kinds of things you're mentioning and doing yoga at home are kind of headsmackingly obvious. The others all interfere with intimacy with your partner. I don't see how yoga does.


Ahh... but they don't always interfere with intimacy, do they? It's very situationally dependent. 

So in other words, I take it you agree with me that one partner should not always be able to veto what the other partner does? 

I'm just trying to point out to certain TAM members how the "veto policy" doesn't always make sense in a marriage.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

justjoined said:


> She does want a macho man. Someone who will always lead, take charge, make all the important decisions, etc. I just never expected just how much she would hate the idea of me doing yoga.
> 
> ...
> *Here is what happened last night.* I told her in a firm and polite manner that I WILL be doing the yoga and I tried to explain myself better. She apologized for the way she acted and said that she was in a bad mood to begin with and was out of line with what she said. I know that she is still not happy about the whole yoga thing but maybe she will learn to accept it with time.



So in other words, you are still going to do the yoga, but now she is fine with it because but you took charge and told her in a manly way! Now you have a good template on how to handle disagreements in the future


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## reggie500 (Nov 4, 2012)

Phenix70 said:


> The P90X exercise system uses Yoga, it helps with flexibility.
> Your GF has some issues if she thinks doing Yoga is "gay" & comparing it to pole dancing or hooking.
> I'd start doing the Yoga & dump the GF.


Agreed...I challenge anyone to make it all the way through p90x yoga and then call it gay. You will activate muscles that have been dormant since you were a baby, and you will crawl off the mat into several days of soreness.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Deejo said:


> Skip the Lulu Lemon pants.



Only the non defective ones


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

tulsy said:


> I disagree. ... Yoga is not feminine or gay. What year is it again? 2014?
> 
> Ridiculous.


Unfortunately for the OP, yours and mine aren't the opinions that matter. It's his girlfriend's opinion that matters. If she thinks that yoga is feminine, and thus, unattractive, then his doing yoga will lower her attraction for him.

It would be the same if she requested that he not wear the color red, because she thinks it's ugly on him. If he insisted on wearing red, he would appear uglier to her.

Now, he can take a poll of disinterested third parties, and he can argue with her, but at the end of the day, she feels the way she feels. And I can tell you that debating with a woman over how she ought to feel is rarely successful at changing her preferences.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good job bringing in more communication. Best thing ever.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I'll admit that I haven't read all these posts, but I might give another side of the coin.

I'm certainly not a guy who thinks either partner should cave to every little desire of the other; however, attraction is a major thing. If you doing yoga is very unattractive to her, that could lead to problems.

If this is the "one" things she asks of you, I consider that lucky. If it's the "one" thing, perhaps you could count your blessings and consider other exercise options. Just a thought.


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

I personally think its a great idea to do the Yoga, My husband is more of the macho, manly, take charge type and has taken an interest in doing yoga recently and started to DVR it to do at home.

I can think of a better way to become flexible, not to mention how much better he will feel. 

Another benefit you may want to mention to her, it would make you more flexible to do some of those hard Kama Sutra Positions ;-)


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## rubpy3 (Nov 19, 2013)

justjoined said:


> 1. Is it gay for men to do yoga?
> 2. Is it unfair for your GF or wife to ask you to not do yoga?


1. No, it's not. If you follow a well designed yoga progression, you'll end up in poses that are highly similar to advanced gymnastic positions. STBXW hangs out with the yoga instructors, one of them deadlifted 280lbs on his first ever try of the lift at a bodyweight of 150lb; he also dipped with 90lbs for 6 rep.

2. Yes, it would be time for a serious talk on boundaries.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Happened to be watching Morning Joe this morning (love the political talk and guests) and they had Russell Simmons as a guest. For those who don't know, he's the founder of Def Jam records which was (is?) a big hip-hop music label. He was talking about the benefits of meditation which he came to learn through his practice of yoga!


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

southbound said:


> I'll admit that I haven't read all these posts, but I might give another side of the coin.
> 
> I'm certainly not a guy who thinks either partner should cave to every little desire of the other; however, attraction is a major thing. If you doing yoga is very unattractive to her, that could lead to problems.
> 
> If this is the "one" things she asks of you, I consider that lucky. If it's the "one" thing, perhaps you could count your blessings and consider other exercise options. Just a thought.


Yeah, I tend to agree with this.

Now personally I would have a problem with somebody who so easily dismissed yoga as 'gay'. Probably wouldn't be a good match for me ... but that's just me. I would immediately question how open minded this person was and what other views they might have. However, I'm not OP.

I had a discussion not that long ago ... a new health food store had opened up close to us and I mentioned to somebody that I wanted to check it out. I was surprised at how easily they dismissed it as utter crap. Probably had an image of tree hugging tofu and salad eating hippies carrying burlap grocery bags. My guess is they've never set foot in a store like that. In other words, they had formed an opinion without knowing much about it.

Every relationship requires compromise ... just make sure you aren't compromising too much of yourself.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

justjoined said:


> Just so there is no confusion, I am a male in my late twenties. Been with my GF for over a year and we are heading towards marriage.
> 
> Last night I was talking with her and brought up the fact that I wanted to start doing yoga. I briefly tried it before and know it has many health benefits so I want to take it up again. No classes or anything, just doing the exercises at home, by myself.
> 
> ...


So. Let's see.

She is ignorant, possibly homophobic, a control freak and self-opinionated.

Gosh. What a catch! What the heck did you use for bait?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)




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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

MattMatt said:


> So. Let's see.
> 
> She is ignorant, possibly homophobic, a control freak and self-opinionated.
> 
> Gosh. What a catch! What the heck did you use for bait?


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

JJ, great to hear you discussed this further with your GF. Suggest she practice with you. Her earlier comments demonstrate insecurity and emotional immaturity. Watch out for that in other areas....

I teach hot yoga full time. Students include football players, pro rugby players, athletes, runners, cyclists, men and women of all ages, backgrounds and fitness levels - people with spinal injuries, and chronic conditions. Benefits reach way beyond just the physical side however, and a regular practice can do wonders for your mental/emotional health as you know! 

Stick with it and enjoy its myriad forms - one of the best things a student ever said to me after barely six months of practice was how her partner had commented on the fact she had become a *nicer* person to be around. That speaks volumes. 

Stay true to yourself and you never know - she might see how much you enjoy it and join you!


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## rubpy3 (Nov 19, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> So. Let's see.
> 
> She is ignorant, possibly homophobic, a control freak and self-opinionated.
> 
> Gosh. What a catch! What the heck did you use for bait?


Golden!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You still never answered if she's naturally jealous (read: insecure). If so, her first thought of yoga may not be it's gay, but it's you in a class full of hot, toned women, better than her.


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

UsernameHere said:


> I could understand maybe if you wanted to suddenly do "ballet dancing" but yoga seems pretty harmless.
> 
> How on earth does she try to equate that yoga is on a parallel with Pole dancing/prostitution?
> 
> If it's something that you want to do for yourself, and is not harming anyone else in the process then I really can't see why she would object to keeping yourself healthy.


Ballet is gay? wow... never got that email.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Accipiter777 said:


> Ballet is gay? wow... never got that email.


Yeah, tell that to me and my DD23, who wait with baited breath every year for So You Think You Can Dance so you can drool over all the EXTREMELY hot guys.
DANCE on FOX

hottest dance EVER on tv: travis wall the bench - Yahoo Video Search Results


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