# Divorce is all but final.....



## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

For those of you who have followed on my posts, I have the updates that you've been waiting for.

The final paperwork has been filed, and I am waiting for the Judge to sign them off. Divorce Mediation had went better than I expected. I came out further ahead than I had expected. She kept a lot of my personal possessions, but I did not let this bother me. I told my W as well as the mediator that I was not there to fight over materialistic things. This was the first thing that upset her for she no longer had a hold on me.

There were MANY people, including friends and (her) family who had thought that we could pull through this, but they weren't exactly surprised of the outcome either. They all tell me that she will come back around in due time, but I am not going to hold my breath either. Do I want her back? Maybe, but there will be some things that we will have to be worked out before this can even be considered.

I still love her, and I always will. I wish her the best in life. She still has some issues from her past that she needs to work on, ghosts in the closet, as well as I. Her family have told me that she has to learn to differentiate from reality and her Cinderella Dream World. Her parents say that she is still expecting her Prince Charming to ride in and sweep her off her feet. She has traded me in for a younger model (half my age younger). I know that this will be short lived once the dust settles.....

My closet is geting cleaned out, I have been shooing out the ghosts and sweeping the cobwebs out getting ready for a new life. Divorce is hell, but if I keep my chin up, I will pull through o.k.

There are several members of my W's family who say that I am still a part of the family, and I feel humbled by this. I do not want to boast, but they all have said that I was the best thing that she ever had in her life. I appreciate all of their comments. Some of her children still consider me to be their dad. I have been there for them for almost half, if not more than of their life.

For those of you who are going through a divorce, hang in there. It does get better over time. I am no longer grieving like I use to. I have even been getting out more and doind new things. My life HAS been getting better every day. If you keep a positive note, you will prevail. What has been one of the best things of keeping a positive note? She can no longer get under my skin. Nothing upsets her more than NOT getting a reaction out of me. I just smile and brush it off. She use dish out and feed off of my negative emotions. But now, she has nothing to feed off of. Maybe in time, her heart will soften, at least for the kids sake.

Thank you all for your time and comments in the past. You have all been wonderful.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Thank you for your post. It's really nice to see someone moving on. Right now it feels impossible.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

It had felt impossible to me when all this was going down. Sometimes, I still wake up once in a while to a hard realization that "this is really happening." I was hoping and praying that I would have been one of those success stories of reconciliation, but oh well. Things happen for a reason.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I'm so happy to read this! I'm just now getting to the legal aspects and I'm fearful of how painful it will be, but I'm in a much better place than I was just 2 weeks ago. It's nice to see your outlook so positive. I wish you the best.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I"ve been divorced once before and I never thought I would be able to recover. Life does get better, I promise you. It sucks that you have to go through so much pain in order to get there but you will be stronger in the end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

> LonelyNLost
> It's nice to see your outlook so positive.


Thank you. I was tired of the acid eating away at me stressing over something that I had no control over.

There was another nice young lady a couple months ago who asked me why I wanted the "train wreck" back. Maybe it was because I had hope.



> DelinquentGurl
> I"ve been divorced once before and I never thought I would be able to recover. Life does get better, I promise you. It sucks that you have to go through so much pain in order to get there but you will be stronger in the end.


I have been there once before too, only this time around I had a better understanding of love and what was required of me to give to a relationship. She was a special woman, but there were too many issues to deal with. Plus I cannot live with someone who has had an EA. At least not now.

It is sad to say that with these experiences, I am sure that I will find that special girl who wants me for the qualities that I do possess, and not one who is waiting for the Cinderella Story to magically appear. (But it is so dang hard to filter out the cheaters).


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## d1221 (Mar 13, 2011)

I am glad you are doing better and are moving on. I am also glad to know the emotions subside. I know we all wish the other person held us close to them as we did but we have to go on. The song by Leona Lewis...better in time just popped up in my mind...so all of us have to hold on to that. We will get better in time and move past this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

d1221 said:


> I am glad you are doing better and are moving on. I am also glad to know the emotions subside. I know we all wish the other person held us close to them as we did but we have to go on. The song by Leona Lewis...better in time just popped up in my mind...so all of us have to hold on to that. We will get better in time and move past this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you for your kind words. A song comes to my mind as well. It was someting that I had posted here before. It is by Don Henley, it is called "Forgiveness (In the heart of the moment)." I am being the better person by forgiving her. She is losing her grip on me by my "letting go" of things. The only thing that she still has a grasp on is our little girl, and I am thankful for the Courts for establishing reasonable Parent-time visitations, for if it were up to her, I would barely get a chance to see my little angel.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

remmons said:


> Thank you for your kind words. A song comes to my mind as well. It was someting that I had posted here before. It is by Don Henley, it is called "Forgiveness (In the heart of the moment)." I am being the better person by forgiving her. She is losing her grip on me by my "letting go" of things. The only thing that she still has a grasp on is our little girl, and I am thankful for the Courts for establishing reasonable Parent-time visitations, for if it were up to her, I would barely get a chance to see my little angel.


I hope I can get to forgiveness one day. My song at the moment is Sara Evans "A Little Bit Stronger" and I love it. Yay for us for letting go and moving on!


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

LonelyNLost said:


> I hope I can get to forgiveness one day. My song at the moment is Sara Evans "A Little Bit Stronger" and I love it. Yay for us for letting go and moving on!


There are days where I still struggle with forgiveness, but then again, I am only human. I pray for the strength to carry myself through the day each and every day. I live from one minute to the next, or in my life, one moment (or event) to the next. Learning to "let go" has been the hardest on me. Everything else somehow just "fell into place."

We all are given trials and challenges in life to learn, to overcome, and to grow to be a stronger person. Those who just simply "float" through life have no "real" experiences.

Hang in there. You WILL overcome these trials. All in due time. Good luck!:smthumbup:


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Great to read that remmons,I'm also in a process and the way it goes it'll be final very very soon. I will embrace the new life,i have to and I'm not scared anymore.It was hard to take my ring off and I did and I cried for an hour and it was fine. We will all be happier at the end,they won't but we will.
Good luck with your new life!


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

I can't wait till I'm finally there!


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

I don't wish divorce on anyone. It is too difficult to live life as it is without all the extra bumps in the road having to deal with issues that are trivial and pointless. My only preayer for now is that her and I can remain amiable through out our daughters life. This will be no problem for me, but for my (soon to be ex) W? That is another story.


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## JJD (Jun 8, 2011)

remmons said:


> There are days where I still struggle with forgiveness, but then again, I am only human. I pray for the strength to carry myself through the day each and every day. I live from one minute to the next, or in my life, one moment (or event) to the next. Learning to "let go" has been the hardest on me. Everything else somehow just "fell into place."
> 
> We all are given trials and challenges in life to learn, to overcome, and to grow to be a stronger person. Those who just simply "float" through life have no "real" experiences.
> 
> Hang in there. You WILL overcome these trials. All in due time. Good luck!:smthumbup:


This has got to be the most uplifting message and best advice that I am going to see anywhere on the internet today.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

JJD said:


> This has got to be the most uplifting message and best advice that I am going to see anywhere on the internet today.


Thank you. I am humbled, and I deeply appreciate your comment.

I have drawn from many members here on the board who have helped me through my time of need. I feel good when I can have something to contribute back, giving back to the community, so to speak. I wish you the best in yours. Good luck!


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Congratulations, you seem to have found peace in the midst of the storm. Great dignity and grace. I totally agree with you about through everything, alwayes stay positive. I am making that my creed. Best of everything to you.


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