# Am I Wrong To Do This?



## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

I haven't post here in awhile but it's now been 6 months since I'm separated from my husband. Currently I'm living with my parents. We had tried to mend things up, well at least I did but I just found out that his affair is still going strong, the two of them are now living together at our apartment. 

Before my STBX will have our boy on the weekend when he have a chance usually once every 2 weeks. There are always tears involved as our son usually doesn't even want to go with his Daddy. Our son is almost 4 years old btw. 

Now, that I had made up my mind that this marriage is really over I'm having second thoughts about letting my son stays with his father now knowing that the other woman is there. I know I shouldn't let this come between them but I just don't want our son to be so confused and got even more hurt by all this mess. He's still crying asking me to come home to the apartment with him and his Daddy so in his little mind, he's still hoping that we would all be a family again but then he's going to see that Daddy already have someone new to replace his Mommmy.

How do I go through this without hurting my son? My STBX never even calls me to ask about our son, our only communications are through instant messengers. He haven't seen our son for over 2 months now, he didn't want to give me money to put our son to preschool, he barely gives me money for our boy and suddenly now he's demanding his rights to be with our son. 

I'm still in so much pain and I don't want my son to get even more confused and hurt.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

First you need to contact an attorney and get a child support order in the works. Four years old may be a bit young to spend week-ends away from you, but he should be able to see his father. Since it's been two months, I would see about starting with supervised visitation, or shorter visits until your son is more comfortable. Keeping him away from his father though is not a good idea, he really needs to have a good relationship with both of you and it's in his best interest that you do everything possible to support a close relationship with his father regardless of what else is going on between you.


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

I'm not in the US, and I can't afford to pay the lawyers that specialize in mix-marriages (my stbx is american) but I'm going to ask some other lawyers about this. 

My son has been away from his father a lot because of his works and I think that's why he's always crying when his Daddy picks him up. 

I know what you mean my son needs his father but I just don't want to expose him to this other woman who clearly have no morals but I guess that's beyond my control. 

Thank you so much.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Yes, ask some lawyers about this, and also put in your divorce settlement that he needs to pay for the attorney fees and spousal support. It is beyond your control about allowing your son to be around this other woman, the same as your x can't tell you to have your son around, but you can limit the visits to short amounts of time that won't be as stressful for your son, such as picking him up for ice cream, or a quick trip to the park until he's more comfortable with longer visits.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

You need a lawyer. I don't know what country you're in, but in the US, preventing the father from seeing his child could hurt you and help him get custody. I believe they call it parental alienation. 

You need to let him see your son. I agree that, after two months, weekends is a bit much. At age 4, your ex could have him weekends, he's old enough, but the inconsistency means your son won't be comfortable. A judge *should* take that into consideration. 

The other woman...unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about that. Just as he can't tell you who you can bring around your son, you can't tell him who he can bring around your son. And really, you can't say whether or not she has morals. Yes, she was with your husband while you were married, but...morals are about much more than just that, and she might otherwise be a decent person. All you can do is keep a close eye on the entire situation and if you see something that really bothers you, then you can try to use whatever that something is as leverage to get her away from your child. 

Your first step is to get a lawyer, and have them help you get a custody/visitation and child support order in place. You want everything to be completely legal and through the courts, so that he can't try to change things on you later without going through the court.


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