# Childless marriage, will you regret it?



## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

I'm 35 and wife is 36 over the past few years of our marriage every year or so we had been discussing the possibility of having a child. Both of our parents don't pressure us to do it (for me its even more fortunate due to my ethnicity while i m the only *son*, for my W her brothers had children so she had no pressure to do so).

Back to the point, the last time we consider to have a child was 18 months ago, both of us do lots of research. My wife does the pregnancy, baby furniture and finding childcare and school, while i had research the financial implications of having a child as well as funding for the child's education in the far future as well as our after child sexlife (we notice that sexlife drops by 80% after having a child). Our parents are offering their help if we really plan to have a child.

Even though we had a detail plan of our future having a child our relation strains because of the complications of our plan. We eventually start arguing from small things to more important aspects. After planning for 2 months both of us cracked and start throwing and screaming, thus we had to live in separate rooms for a week. After that we had make-up sex (sex heals relationships!) we agree that we will scrap the whole thing since if planning of having a child strains our marriage that bad already and what happened after having a child!

Thus both of us are happy and (proudly)childless 

So for all married couples do you feel the need and pressured to have a child?

If you had a child (or not) will you ever regret it?

p.s i m not sure should this thread be staying in general relationship discussion page if so then can any of the moderators move it to the relevant discussion page? thanks


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

When we got married and bought our first house we bought it with the expectation of kids. We decided we wouldn't have children when she 36 and I was 30, that was 14 years ago. No regrets. We still occasionally talk about it and, while we can't be sure, think if we had kids they would have pulled us apart rather than brought us tother.

The closest I've come to regret is when I melted when I saw a photo here of a mom and her son in Halloween costumes as Calvin and Hobbes (w/o kids I had to google "boy and tiger cartoon"). It wasn't the child that made me melt, it was the look on his mother's face.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

Since you are both happy to be childless then I think you're OK. It's if one of you wants a kid and the other doesn't that you have a problem.

It sounds, though, that deep down, you both want kids. Why else would you be researching this to death. Maybe you're trying to find all the reasons why you shouldn't have a kid and rationalizing that college costs and other inconveniences make it not worth it. It doesnt' really come down to dollars and cents. You can't put a price on a kid. 

I'm biased because I have 3 young boys and it's expensive and frustrating and all that stuff, but that comes with the territory along with unconditional love, happiness, and very expanded network of friends and activities, and re-living a childhood by going to zoos and amusement parks, and things you'd never do without kids.

Although it does seem that sex diminishes with kids, it doesn't always. Maybe you'll try harder to make sure it doesn't.

And it's hard to think now about the far future, but kids then grandkids really make for a full life.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

My wife is unable to have kids but back when we were first married 7 years ago we tried anyway with a few rounds of fertility treatments, and when that didn't work we spent a few years trying to adopt but found it to be very complicated and very expensive. So as time went on and I reached my mid 40's(I'm 46.50 right now)my desire to have kids all went out the window, but her being 6 years younger than me the desire was still there so my decision angered and saddened her pretty much. But now she is getting a little better about it and I keep trying to show her all the positive pros about not having any kids.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

No one should allow themselves to be pressured into having children. If you and your wife are happy to remain child-free you're entitled to do so.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Well I cannot speak for other people, but here is some of my story . I think it has a lesson

When we married I was quite happy not to have children. I had too many problems of my own. DW talked me round though, so we started to try. No joy. We were told we were infertile.

But yesterday evening I sat and watched as our daughter sang on stage with Andrea Bocelli in front of an audience of more than 10,000 people. I cannot tell you how proud I was of her.

She was the product of a very difficult pregnancy which saw her born over three months early, spend a long time on a ventilator and on oxygen. We did not know if she would survive.

And yet here she is 22 years on, healthy and with a wonderful singing voice (also unexpected).

During her fight for life one piece of music which comforted me was Nessun Dorma - 'vincero' (I will win) just seemed so right.
What piece of music did the concert finish with? yes. of course, it was Nessun Dorma. I was in tears. 

We are so blessed. 

What conclusion do I draw? Life is beautiful and so much bigger and more mysterious than we can ever imagine. We make our plans and God laughs.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

When you are in your 20's and 30's the thought of having children is an awesome and wonderful idea, but as you get into your 40's and beyond that idea sounds like a big pain in the azz and one big headache.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

There are all kinds of practical reasons not to have children. People have them despite that because they feel the need to be parents. If you don't feel that need, then no, you won't regret it.

Be prepared for your wife's hormone rush as she gets closer to 40, though. I swear a woman's body knows when she's nearing the end of her fertility period and sends out hormones to make her want a baby or feels the need to have one.

My bf and I are mid-40s and neither of us has kids. We don't regret it, for the most part. He never wanted to be a dad, and I would have wanted to be a mom if I didn't actually have to _raise _the kids for 20 years.


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## CO_MOM (Sep 14, 2012)

I knew from a very young age that I would have kids. My nieces and nephews were a huge part of my life when I was in high school. If I would not have been able to have my kids (whether they were biological or adopted, it didn't matter), I would have been devastated. They are my life and every reason I look forward to another day.

All of my teachers thought I was crazy when we would do career building. They would tell me I had to have some sort of career desire. All I ever wanted to be was a mother. Now I have 3 amazing, smart, beautiful kids, and a great husband. 

Plus, who is going to take care of you when your older?


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

A few people I've known who didn't want children and never changed their mind have not had regrets when I've asked them about this in their 40s. 

But I think people who want children and can't have them can get very bitter over the matter.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> It sounds, though, that deep down, you both want kids. Why else would you be researching this to death. Maybe you're trying to find all the reasons why you shouldn't have a kid and rationalizing that college costs and other inconveniences make it not worth it. It doesn't really come down to dollars and cents. You can't put a price on a kid.


well the truth is that i want a child more than my wife, i have pressured myself to do it because my family-line is in a full decline (btw i'm a chinese) all my relatives are old and childless. Eventhough i had stressed that my parents don't really care that whether i had a child or not, i had sometimes pressure myself to do so. Thus me and my W had start formulate a plan and the planning process is straining our relationship! (we argue more and eventually we cracked by screaming and throwing, it took 2 or 3 months to forgive each other and ultimately deciding not have kids) 

And yes i actually had calculated the cost of bearing a child (around 500k *before* inflation kicks in, and thats not private schooling only public!) the cost is also one of the factors. There are times that money will ultimately decides whether you want a child or not, thats why some places had low fertility rates like HongKong (where i come from and being childless is norm there)

p.s List of sovereign states and dependent territories by fertility rate - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (just to have a look)



IslandGirl3 said:


> I'm biased because I have 3 young boys and it's expensive and frustrating and all that stuff, but that comes with the territory along with unconditional love, happiness, and very expanded network of friends and activities, and re-living a childhood by going to zoos and amusement parks, and things you'd never do without having children.
> 
> Although it does seem that sex diminishes with kids, it doesn't always. Maybe you'll try harder to make sure it doesn't.
> 
> And it's hard to think now about the far future, but kids then grandkids really make for a full life.


Sometimes it tickles my mine with activities like these especially when we saw the photos of my nephews (my W side). It melts my heart a-bit and had some form of regret into it. Hence i had made this thread for a discussion. 



tryingtobebetter said:


> Well I cannot speak for other people, but here is some of my story . I think it has a lesson
> 
> When we married I was quite happy not to have children. I had too many problems of my own. DW talked me round though, so we started to try. No joy. We were told we were infertile.
> 
> ...


i nearly cried with tears by your experience, i know some couples despite their infertility they manage to have an amazing child (deep inside my heart i might actually be regretting it or i just need to do some soul-searching)



CO_MOM said:


> All of my teachers thought I was crazy when we would do career building. They would tell me I had to have some sort of career desire. All I ever wanted to be was a mother. Now I have 3 amazing, smart, beautiful kids, and a great husband.


you must be a one rare women in the pack, wanting to have kids.... most of my female friends are in LTR but they don't want to have kids as early as secondary. Btw not everyone wants to be a mother or a parent. 

one small thing: My parents actually had me is because i can be taken care of by my grandparents (strict) and domestic servants while my parents can concentrate on their careers. No wonder i m the only youngest family member because my relatives just cannot afford the cost bearing a child



CO_MOM said:


> Plus, who is going to take care of you when your older?


You are even more traditional than i do, true, whos going to take care of you when you are older but the point is that nowdays that your kids cannot not take care of themselves in the first place (inequality, lack of social mobility, "real" wage stagnation over the decade)

and also most adults should be financially responsible for their retirement not relying on you children or government handouts
(i had my retirement plan in place when i start dating my W years ago)


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

It's not so much about being literally taken care of as having more close connections as you get old. If you don't have children, I think you need to work really hard to build those bonds with nieces, nephews, godchildren etc so that when you are in your 80s there will be people who love you and who remember you with gratitude.

Yesterday I took my two daughters to visit my grandparents who are in their 80s. I love my grandparents very much, they were important parts of my childhood. They have three adult children, as well as all their grandchildren, who are there to help with doctors, organising house moves and pensions, picking them up and taking them to events so it's easier for them to remain involved with life. 

They have each other still and friends, but it life would be more difficult and have less fun in it if they hadn't had their children.

I'm not saying that's a reason to have children if you don't want them at all, but it's a consideration. and start building those bonds elsewhere.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband is 35, and I am 39. We don't have children together. I have a son from my previous marriage. 

I enjoyed my life with a child, and I also enjoy my life without a child now. 

My husband has always been happy without a child in his life. 

Without having children, we have lots of freedom. Walking around the apartment naked, having sex at any time we want, going out at any time we want, and etc. 

We can also save more money because we don't have to spend money on children, and that money can be our old age security. 

We have thought about getting old and no one is there looking after us. So first of all, we have to look after our health right now. When you are old and healthy, it's OK. Maybe things don't happen the way we want, but how many children look after their old parents now? And we also know we have to look after each other very well since we don't have children. It helps us build up a strong marriage because we know we need each other.

The only annoying thing is when we talk to people, people keep on suggesting that we should have children.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

Lyris said:


> It's not so much about being literally taken care of as having more close connections as you get old. If you don't have children, I think you need to work really hard to build those bonds with nieces, nephews, godchildren etc so that when you are in your 80s there will be people who love you and who remember you with gratitude.
> 
> Yesterday I took my two daughters to visit my grandparents who are in their 80s. I love my grandparents very much, they were important parts of my childhood. They have three adult children, as well as all their grandchildren, who are there to help with doctors, organising house moves and pensions, picking them up and taking them to events so it's easier for them to remain involved with life.
> 
> ...


Yeah thats what me and my w are doing right now with her nephews they are quite smart too....... and also we can build bonds between both of our families as well since my parents kinda like my w's nephews. It really gives a more secured bond between both of our families which in-turn a better marriage and ultimately we can have our nephews visiting us when we get older sometime in the future (one stone three birds i guess) 



greenpearl said:


> My husband is 35, and I am 39. We don't have children together. I have a son from my previous marriage.
> 
> I enjoyed my life with a child, and I also enjoy my life without a child now.
> 
> ...


Hey thats what me and my wife were saying to our friends why we don't have children! But come-on you still had a child from your ex so that might not count that you "don't" have a child or childless unless you are cruel enough to disown him! (just kidding! ha!)

btw how old's your son anyway seems like your son was living with your ex-h at an young age and do you still had a good relation with your ex-h as a co-parent? (just askin you don't need to answer it if you think i m invading your privacy)



greenpearl said:


> We have thought about getting old and no one is there looking after us. So first of all, we have to look after our health right now. When you are old and healthy, it's OK. Maybe things don't happen the way we want, but how many children look after their old parents now? And we also know we have to look after each other very well since we don't have children. It helps us build up a strong marriage because we know we need each other.


True i saw a comment saying the kids will take care of you in the future? pfffff..... in your dreams...... That's why i have a good bond to my w's nephews so they can visit us in the future.



greenpearl said:


> The only annoying thing is when we talk to people, people keep on suggesting that we should have children.


you are 39 how the heck you can have children? (except some Chinese celebrities trying to have a child at 42 mentioned at apple daily the funniest news source ever you know what i mean) 

well i can see a good difference between mainlander/taiwanese and hongkongians, its just that my family in Hk don't really pressure me to have a child at all since it is a norm already (only the rich had more than one)


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

What? Women have babies at 39 all the time. I had my second at 37, I could easily have another one now, at 40. My friend recently had her first baby at 42, no fertility treatment.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

the liberal one said:


> Yeah thats what me and my w are doing right now with her nephews they are quite smart too....... and also we can build bonds between both of our families as well since my parents kinda like my w's nephews. It really gives a more secured bond between both of our families which in-turn a better marriage and ultimately we can have our nephews visiting us when we get older sometime in the future (one stone three birds i guess)
> 
> 
> 
> ...


My son is 15 years old. He comes to visit us every Saturday. My ex and I are very peaceful with each other. My husband and my son have a very good relationship too. Everything is sweet! 

My family has stopped questioning long time ago. My mother was concerned that my husband might leave me for not having a child together. You know Chinese culture, women need to have children to secure their marriages. Now they are not worried about it anymore. 

As for other people, I have gotten used to it. Just need more smiles and patience!


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I submit to you that any couple who plans to have a child for 2 months and puts in the amount of thought and research you guys did will ultimately end up fighting about it.

You dont need to be THAT thorough. A lot of it is common sense.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

greenpearl said:


> My son is 15 years old. He comes to visit us every Saturday. My ex and I are very peaceful with each other. My husband and my son have a very good relationship too. Everything is sweet!


i m really glad that all of you had worked out pretty well. Some divorce can be really nasty and the child might never see one of their parent again.......



greenpearl said:


> My family has stopped questioning long time ago. My mother was concerned that my husband might leave me for not having a child together. You know Chinese culture, women need to have children to secure their marriages. Now they are not worried about it anymore.


pffff..... when i was married to my w (a Caucasian blonde ) she was quite worried about that i will leave her for not having a child together...... she thought it was a Chinese thing. My parents (who are quite liberal and had a carefree attitude) assure my w that having a child is not compulsory but its a choice.

Interestingly even though my parents are quite carefree, a few years back when i go to my ancestral village back in the mainland when i had to "update" my family tree with me and my w's name in the "book" (don't know that its called). I discovered that i'm the last descendant of my family name in the HongKong branch (since most of my relatives are childless). The villagers on the other hand was shock not because i had a Caucasian wife (which is the first time ever in the village history) but because we had no child to continue the lineage.......

Those people are dead-on conservatives thinking that our marriage will be in tatters if my w can't produce a child..... yet my dad just don't care a thing despite the elders in the village pressure my dad to pressure me to pressure my wife to do so........:lol:



sinnister said:


> I submit to you that any couple who plans to have a child for 2 months and puts in the amount of thought and research you guys did will ultimately end up fighting about it.
> 
> You dont need to be THAT thorough. A lot of it is common sense.


Yeah........ both of us plan our stuff extensively partly because of our perspective jobs in the government (policy planning) with lots and lots of planning. 

Before we were married we had planned our financial/asset allocation in our prenup agreement, after the marriage we plan our holidays to be perfect, plan our weekends (we pretty much plan everything, even our sexlife and role play..) 

True it applies to common sense if we want to have a child but i guess our nature and our organizational behavior might affect the child even if we don't fight at all..... 

maybe we are not really a parent material (maybe a good uncle and auntie material)


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Yeah, kids have a way of screwing up any plan you try to make, so it might be best for you to give it a miss.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

the liberal one said:


> you are 39 how the heck you can have children? (except some Chinese celebrities trying to have a child at 42 mentioned at apple daily the funniest news source ever you know what i mean)


What do you mean "how can you have children" at 39?? I'm 37 and, had I not had a tubal ligation when my youngest was born, I most certainly could have a child now... I would just be considered high risk, or at least bordering on high risk. It's not impossible, even without fertility treatments, to have children in your late 30s/early 40s. 

Now, when I was a teen, I swore I was NEVER having kids... now? I have 3, and I can't imagine my life without them. Never planned any of it out. If I had, there is no way I would be a mom. I wouldn't change it for anything.

But, if YOU don't want kids, don't give in to the pressure from family or anything.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

Lyris said:


> Yeah, kids have a way of screwing up any plan you try to make, so it might be best for you to give it a miss.


you are damn right on this one both of us don't really want anyone ruining our plans....



Maricha75 said:


> What do you mean "how can you have children" at 39?? I'm 37 and, had I not had a tubal ligation when my youngest was born, I most certainly could have a child now... I would just be considered high risk, or at least bordering on high risk. It's not impossible, even without fertility treatments, to have children in your late 30s/early 40s.
> 
> Now, when I was a teen, I swore I was NEVER having kids... now? I have 3, and I can't imagine my life without them. Never planned any of it out. If I had, there is no way I would be a mom. I wouldn't change it for anything.


good on you



Maricha75 said:


> But, if YOU don't want kids, don't give in to the pressure from family or anything.


did you read my previous post when i quote greenpearl's post on this page?


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

This might sound selfish of me but having grown up in a very large family with 7 siblings, and then having 20 nieces and nephews growing up around me too, it was always about sharing - sharing - sharing and very little one on one time from my parents. So the older that I got and the more independent I became I always felt that once I have a child my life would become ALL about that child, and I enjoy my life as an individual adult and on the inside I always wanted my life to be about ME, and enjoy not having to compete with 7 other siblings for attention anymore. And so as more time went on I got married and was more than happy to share my life with my partner and spouse, but then when I thought about having kids again my feelings were that my life would go back to it all being about.........that child.

So here it is today and I am going on 47 without any kids and I am looking forward to the rest of my life being about.......ME and my wife sharing her life with me.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

oh forget one more thing some times we actually do some babysitting our nephews while their parents (w's siblings) went out to have a date-night. Which is quite a healthy way, we can take care of our nephews to have some "parenting fun" without our child while their parents can have a rest without their kids around. It really strengthen their marriage as well as ours while we had fun with the children.



Cee Paul said:


> This might sound selfish of me but having grown up in a very large family with 7 siblings, and then having 20 nieces and nephews growing up around me too, it was always about sharing - sharing - sharing and very little one on one time from my parents. So the older that I got and the more independent I became I always felt that once I have a child my life would become ALL about that child, and I enjoy my life as an individual adult and on the inside I always wanted my life to be about ME, and enjoy not having to compete with 7 other siblings for attention anymore. And so as more time went on I got married and was more than happy to share my life with my partner and spouse, but then when I thought about having kids again my feelings were that my life would go back to it all being about.........that child.
> 
> So here it is today and I am going on 47 without any kids and I am looking forward to the rest of my life being about.......ME and my wife sharing her life with me.


its not selfish and one thing is that i don't have any siblings while my wife had 2 siblings (that makes it 3 nephews from their perspective marriages). Yeah having your siblings to do the do the hard work while you go enjoy your life!!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

My wife and I decided against having children.
In the beginning of our marriage tremendous pressure was placed on us by people to have children.

I " adopted" one of my sister's kids when he was about 6 yrs old. He was the offspring of her extra marital affair,and her other kids didn't like him. 
He is now 17 years and very successful in school and plays for the national team. He travels extensively to represent our country in international tournaments.

Sometimes I look at him and regret not having my own child.
Maybe I should have listened when the older folks told me that 
" children are a blessing."


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> He is now 17 years and very successful in school and plays for the national team. He travels extensively to represent our country in international tournaments.


Cool. Cricket?


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> When you are in your 20's and 30's the thought of having children is an awesome and wonderful idea, but as you get into your 40's and beyond that idea sounds like a big pain in the azz and one big headache.


I dunno about that. I've always dug kids, but could not bear having more than 2 (at 24 and 30) with my ex. Now that I'm on my own, with my MBA and my career back on track, I would totally be cool with raising another child with someone else (although as I age I admit that's increasingly unlikely to happen).

I'm kind of a big kid myself (doesn't mean I don't enforce parent-child boundaries or take care of business); it helps me relate to them well and get involved with the things they like. At this age, I am so much more accepting of this part of myself and have so much more patience than when I was younger.

Sure, there are practical issues with having kids as you get older. But thinking they are a pain in the ass is the furthest thing from my mind. Still a lot left to give in this tank.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> Cool. Cricket?


Nope,
Rugby football.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

I couldn't image life with out children, i never intended to have children, but carrying a baby to nurturing and breast feeding, to watching them go to school, the fun we have, nothing can compare, it is a journey i am very glad to experience.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> My wife and I decided against having children.
> In the beginning of our marriage tremendous pressure was placed on us by people to have children.
> 
> I " adopted" one of my sister's kids when he was about 6 yrs old. He was the offspring of her extra marital affair,and her other kids didn't like him.
> ...


glad that it works for you really well you had a great step-son
btw what happened to your sister and why do you adopted him when he is 6yrs old (a-bit late for adoption....)


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

the liberal one said:


> glad that it works for you really well you had a great step-son
> btw what happened to your sister and why do you adopted him when he is 6yrs old (a-bit late for adoption....)


My sister's husband separated after her infidelity, and she was unable to maintain her lifestyle and kids. So I decided to step in and help her financially, with groceries,rent etc.
She always thought of herself as " entitled " and was a very beautiful girl.
After her separation, she had lots of " boyfriends." I realized that her children would suffer because of her instability,so I took control of the youngest one.
He was the " bastard child " and was very insecure because the other siblings did not like him. He was always sad and crying because he never knew his dad.
So I took him under my care.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> My sister's husband separated after her infidelity, and she was unable to maintain her lifestyle and kids. So I decided to step in and help her financially, with groceries,rent etc.
> She always thought of herself as " entitled " and was a very beautiful girl.
> After her separation, she had lots of " boyfriends." I realized that her children would suffer because of her instability,so I took control of the youngest one.
> He was the " bastard child " and was very insecure because the other siblings did not like him. He was always sad and crying because he never knew his dad.
> So I took him under my care.


well he is lucky under your care and jeeze what happened to her other children then? it seems they are quite stuffed


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

the liberal one said:


> well he is lucky under your care and jeeze what happened to her other children then? it seems they are quite stuffed


Her eldest son joined a gang and did time in prison.

Her daughter who is a very pretty mixed race girl is following in her mother's footsteps........

Lots of partying and lots of guys, and a rudderless life.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Our sexlife never changed. You have to make it a priority going into the new lifestyle. We are both HD and are still HD.

My biggest piece of advice is to always make the MARRIAGE the priority. Not the kids, or even money for that matter.

The only expense with kids we really can't wait to be done with is childcare  It's about 800 a month...but next year she starts Kindergarten, so we're happy about that.

Remember, you were a COUPLE before you were a triad. Keep being a couple...and you'll be ok.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Her eldest son joined a gang and did time in prison.
> 
> Her daughter who is a very pretty mixed race girl is following in her mother's footsteps........
> 
> Lots of partying and lots of guys, and a rudderless life.


ok that is just *** up totally ***ed thank god you adopted one of them as you step-son, what happens to their bio father then didn't both of them had joint custody?


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

that_girl said:


> The only expense with kids we really can't wait to be done with is childcare  It's about 800 a month...but next year she starts Kindergarten, so we're happy about that.


 how many kids for 800 per month? (did i just double post? oh ****e oops)


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

If neither of you want to have children, then you shouldn't feel pressured to do so. I know of a couple family friends who never had children and they have no regrets. They enjoy their traveling lifestyle and doing things for themselves. 

For me, I've almost always known I wanted to have children. The plan was to wait a couple years after marriage before starting our family, but it has happened sooner than expected as I am pregnant with our first. I know I would have regrets if I never had children. I was a nanny to two young girls for years and loved them to death. I couldn't imagine a life without having a family at some point.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

the liberal one said:


> how many kids for 800 per month? (did i just double post? oh ****e oops)


1 child. It's preschool. 200 a week and for how long she's there (when we're working) it's about 5 bucks an hour or so....

When she was an infant, it was 1100. Yea. 

Cloth diapering is awesome and saves tons.

Breastfeeding too. Free. lol.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Yes, I would of regretted it. My 3 children mean the world to me! I wish I had one more, but it's too late.

However, just because your married doesn't mean you need to have children. This is such a big decision to make prior to marriage. It usually doesn't work when one wants children and the other doesn't.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think choosing to be childfree is a good choice too. I have plenty of friends who never want children and I think "good for them for knowing BEFORE having children!" We all chose a path. Enjoy whichever path you choose to take.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> This is such a big decision to make prior to marriage. It usually doesn't work when one wants children and the other doesn't.


Not prior for us, we both expected to. Part of out deal was that it would only take one "yes to children vote" and it would have happened.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

that_girl said:


> 1 child. It's preschool. 200 a week and for how long she's there (when we're working) it's about 5 bucks an hour or so....
> 
> When she was an infant, it was 1100. Yea.
> 
> ...


good thinking! i know those diapers cost a-lot and yeah breast feeding (obviously!) btw your pre-school is cheap! mind is like 8 USD per hour (plus 10% GST!)

one weird question have you taste the milk from the breast? is it like the milk we drink everyday? (i'm not a perv but just wondering deep inside my mind )



I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Yes, I would of regretted it. My 3 children mean the world to me! I wish I had one more, but it's too late.
> 
> However, just because your married doesn't mean you need to have children. This is such a big decision to make prior to marriage. It usually doesn't work when one wants children and the other doesn't.


Well sorry that you can't have another child due to your injury (know your situation quite well from the previous post!). True having a child is a big decision takes lots of planning it strains our marriage because of it until we decide to stop what we do and be childless once in for all (and we live happily ever after)



that_girl said:


> I think choosing to be child free is a good choice too. I have plenty of friends who never want children and I think "good for them for knowing BEFORE having children!" We all chose a path. Enjoy whichever path you choose to take.


Yeah me and my w had travel a-lot of places every end of the year we had 6 weeks of holiday every-year (thanks government!) plus lots of public holidays (that makes it 7 weeks). We always travel to China (HK) to visit my relatives first drop a few souvenirs and went to whatever we go (europe/south east asia/east asia especially japan/middle east)
Yeah being childless gives us lots of time to plan for fun and also being really "naughty" (you know). After 18 months since we stop having a child our lives/marriage is better than ever:smthumbup:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

the liberal one said:


> one weird question have you taste the milk from the breast? is it like the milk we drink everyday? (i'm not a perv but just wondering deep inside my mind )


No, it does not. LOL my husband says breastmilk is actually a lot sweeter.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

DTO said:


> I dunno about that. I've always dug kids, but could not bear having more than 2 (at 24 and 30) with my ex. Now that I'm on my own, with my MBA and my career back on track, I would totally be cool with raising another child with someone else (although as I age I admit that's increasingly unlikely to happen).
> 
> I'm kind of a big kid myself (doesn't mean I don't enforce parent-child boundaries or take care of business); it helps me relate to them well and get involved with the things they like. At this age, I am so much more accepting of this part of myself and have so much more patience than when I was younger.
> 
> Sure, there are practical issues with having kids as you get older. But thinking they are a pain in the ass is the furthest thing from my mind. Still a lot left to give in this tank.


Most people that I ask who are in their 40's and have kids who are now grown if they'd wanna start it all over again now, the answer is usually "HELL NO" 99% of the time.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

oh lovely i can try breast milk by putting milk with sugar in it


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Most people that I ask who are in their 40's and have kids who are now grown if they'd wanna start it all over again now, the answer is usually "HELL NO" 99% of the time.


most people had kids when they were in their 20s and they lose their "golden" years of being a single and they lost their chances to achieve their dreams since they were bogged down by children. Thus by their 40s they actually regret having children. The lesson is that never have kids in the 20s have them in the 30s so that you can achieve as much as possible before kids.


oh btw read this http://www.justrage.com/I_Hate/i-hate-being-a-****ing-mother-and-i-dont-care-if-you-call-me-a-*****/

mum's raging on their kids..... (obviously they are completely unprepared for it and plans to abandon their kids)

p.s btw troll alert from the link........ oops i double posted yet again


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, parenthood did inspire me to finally take my career seriously actually - that and panic of course. I doubt I would have achieved what I achieved financially if I didn't have my little girl.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Well, parenthood did inspire me to finally take my career seriously actually - that and panic of course. I doubt I would have achieved what I achieved financially if I didn't have my little girl.


i thought its the opposite ahhh well if its suits you


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## phiota (Nov 18, 2012)

the liberal one said:


> i thought its the opposite ahhh well if its suits you


I thought it was the opposite also until I found out that I am childless not by choice. Before I've started several startups but now partly because of knowing not able to have children I have found myself quickly giving up on any difficulties I may face in the new business ideas I've started lately. Just not willing to put up with the grind and know how hard making a business successful if I am not able to leave proceeds to any children of mine.

I am lucky that partly as a result of partial success in 1st business and wise real estate investment that I have enough $$$ to live a modest life with my wife overseas with both of us not working. The main problem now me and my wife is she is still wanting to adopt or get artificial insemination but I am not partly since I am pretty happy right now and do not want things to change with new baby if not mine (I know it's not PC but that's just how I feel). Also since since she will not work (does not have much marketable skills) I will have a bear the additional financial burden myself (by working or business) otherwise will need to accept a lower living standard. We found out that we will be childless after the marriage.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> *Well, parenthood did inspire me to finally take my career seriously actually - that and panic of course. *I doubt I would have achieved what I achieved financially if I didn't have my little girl.


Down here, we have a saying for that. It goes like this:

" ..A bull's horn is never too heavy for a bull's head.."

Children help define your manhood.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My ex is....a musician.  He was a musician when we met. However, we had a daughter and all of a sudden, he was Mr. IT Corporate man, making 6 figures. He did that for 8 years. Then...I guess he couldn't hack it anymore and went back to music. I got full custody and he is living on his mom's couch 2 states away. I truly believe our daughter PUSHED HIM to do better with his life, but he simply wasn't into it. Oh well, his loss.


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

Lyris said:


> What? Women have babies at 39 all the time. I had my second at 37, I could easily have another one now, at 40. My friend recently had her first baby at 42, no fertility treatment.


My mother concieved naturally at 47, and is currently trying again at 48. She doesn't need fertility treatments, but they went ahead with a medication free, IUI, just to try to speed the process along.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

KathyBatesel said:


> But I think people who want children and can't have them can get very bitter over the matter.


This would have been me. I knew long before I married, I wanted children.....Choosing my life partner, he had to be on the same page. 

I worked for a Financial Planner before I married, he tried so hard to talk me into going to College & make something of myself.......but all I wanted to do was get married & be barefoot & pregnant, I think he saw me throwing my potential down the drain ... but I followed my







and have no regrets...a half dozen later. 

They have enriched our lives beyond measure and I feel we are the type that was born to be parents...we love taking family vacations, throwing them huge parties, watching them grow, mentoring them. 

When conception failed for over 6 long yrs after our 1st.... it was the hardest time in my life.. no jealously has overtaken me more than "the MOM with happy children gathered around her." 

Never do something due to pressure from others... look deep within & follow your own heart, this is where your passion resides and in following this....how can you go wrong. If you are struggling with that "peace" about it, then keep seeking - until it comes upon you.

Really -this world has too many people in it...Nothing wrong with not having kids.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

Before my wife and I got married a few years ago, we had a couple of conversations about kids and both were (and are) on the same page about not having any. I'm in my late 40's and when I was in my 20's, I wanted to be a dad, but as I grew into my chosen life path and got older, I realized that I didn't want to have children. Luckily, my wife didn't want to have any, either. Just not something that I wanted to do.

I don't regret not having kids at all. There are enough people in the world, and there is no need for me to contribute to the population. It doesn't make me any less of a man or a less responsible person because of it, as some people like to think of those of us who are child-free. I've been working since I was 15 years old, pay my taxes and contribute to society in other ways, as well. 

It's all a matter of personal wants and needs. Some people feel the need or pressure to continue the family's line or they just love children, and that's ok, too.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> So for all married couples do you feel the need and pressured to have a child?
> 
> If you had a child (or not) will you ever regret it?


I did not think as rationally as you, I just had three children. However, the third was not supposed to happen.

Children to me are a blessing and sometimes feel like a curse.

I have never been without children so I do not know how that would be. When all of our children were grown we started raising our grandchild.

If I got into a time machine and was back getting married would I have children? 
I would think hard about it but in the end I would have children. When I got older many of the things that I thought added joy to my life have faded to some degree. The one part of my life that is sweet and sour is my children. They become so much more of a reason for my life than just about anything else.

Although my children have been sour and seemed like a curse at times; *the sweetness and blessings far out number the other.*
My guess is that my life would be somewhat empty wothout my children and grand children


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

the liberal one said:


> most people had kids when they were in their 20s and they lose their "golden" years of being a single and they lost their chances to achieve their dreams since they were bogged down by children. Thus by their 40s they actually regret having children. The lesson is that never have kids in the 20s have them in the 30s so that you can achieve as much as possible before kids.


I completely disagree with this. It just depends on what people value and what their priorities are. I do not feel as if I am missing out on anything by having children in my 20s. My husband and I have always wanted children, and although this baby is a little early, we are thrilled to start our family. I've already experienced a lot and having children won't hinder me from experiencing more in life. As a child my family went on a lot of wonderful family vacations to national parks, beautiful camping locations, and amazing lodges and hotels throughout the country. I plan to give my own child those same experiences. Family, to me, means a lot more than some high paying career or luxurious travel destinations. Of course those things would be nice, but they would not make me happy. My family means so much more to me than that.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

Anonymous07 said:


> I completely disagree with this. It just depends on what people value and what their priorities are. I do not feel as if I am missing out on anything by having children in my 20s. My husband and I have always wanted children, and although this baby is a little early, we are thrilled to start our family. I've already experienced a lot and having children won't hinder me from experiencing more in life. As a child my family went on a lot of wonderful family vacations to national parks, beautiful camping locations, and amazing lodges and hotels throughout the country. I plan to give my own child those same experiences. Family, to me, means a lot more than some high paying career or luxurious travel destinations. Of course those things would be nice, but they would not make me happy. My family means so much more to me than that.


good on you on your priorities if it makes you work then congrats.

Btw I've been thinking that what happens if more and more people are becoming childless in the future then what will the future of our species then?

I've been reading a sci-fi fiction called "the robots of dawn" by Issac Asimov. It was set in a prosperous human colony called Aurora. This planet has a really high standard of living as well as life expectancy of around 400 years (robotic limbs to replace failing human tissues). 

It makes humans living in Aurora feeling that child-bearing is no longer necessary since they don't want to ruined their quality of life. The problem is that because the inhabitants are "childless" the population of Aurora had declined from 8 billion to 5 billion within 200 years thus its planetary government fears it leads to an extinction of Aurora. 

Thus the government had enacted a few strategies to encourage inhabitants to have one or two child with heavy subsidies then the child will be send to a child care after their birth to be taken care and educated by the robots (note: robot/human ratio is 20:1) until they are "mature" enough to see their "birth" parents.

It seems that according to the book, couples actually loves having a child which have both of their genes combined but they don't want to taking care of their child at all since it would "kill" their time. Thus the government incentive to increase the birth rate works for the couples because they had children but they are being taken care of by the robots, while the planet will avoid extinction since the population ultimately stabilize.

My excerpt of the book reflects that in the future, more people will be childless and ultimately leads to a crisis of the ultimate extinction of the human race. (just my point of view on the future)

p.s sorry for making this zombie thread alive since i was absent for a while.

p.p.s those books written by Issac Asimov are awesome  highly recommended especially the foundation series.


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