# How to pursue



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I was reading another thread, and a lady was complaining her husband never pursues her any more, and it got me to thinking: how do I pursue my wife after 32 years of marriage? I feel like if I pursue her, she will just think I want to get laid. I want her to know I want and need her, and that I still find her desirable. I always tell her how much I desire her, but she will comment about how fat she is. Yea, she doesn't weigh 96lbs anymore, but I think she is a knock out!


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Thound said:


> I was reading another thread, and a lady was complaining her husband never pursues her any more, and it got me to thinking: how do I pursue my wife after 32 years of marriage? I feel like if I pursue her, she will just think I want to get laid. I want her to know I want and need her, and that I still find her desirable. I always tell her how much I desire her, but she will comment about how fat she is. Yea, she doesn't weigh 96lbs anymore, but I think she is a knock out!


She doesn't feel sexy, thinks she's unattractive. I know you're not looking for her to see this pursuit as you working toward sex but bear with me. Sex where there's a mirror and she can see herself will change her perception of her body.


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## Juicy Fruit (Nov 16, 2014)

> I feel like if I pursue her, she will just think I want to get laid. I want her to know I want and need her, and that I still find her desirable.



Then tell her just that. And let her know that you're not looking to get laid, but that you're open to the idea.  If she tells you that she thinks she's fat, just say "I wish you could see how I see you through my eyes." (My guess is, you'll get your point across, and get laid.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Juicy Fruit said:


> Then tell her just that. And let her know that you're not looking to get laid, but that you're open to the idea.  If she tells you that she thinks she's fat, just say "I wish you could see how I see you through my eyes." (My guess is, you'll get your point across, and get laid.


I have told her that exact same thing many many times. All she says is " you're supposed to say that "


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Nothing you do is going to make her stop viewing herself in a negative light. You can always express your feelings more but don't be surprised if it doesn't change a thing. 

As far as pursuing her without looking like you just want a piece...
Be flirtatious and walk away. Come up behind her and kiss her neck,rub her back and then walk away before she can respond. If you are the one to break contact first or walk away first,she might not get that "I just want to get laid" message. It just shows you're popping in to do it because you wanted to and not because sex is supposed to follow.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Maybe she'll be open to running away if you point out that the exercise will burn calories.

Tell her you'll give her a 30sec head start and start counting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Thound said:


> I have told her that exact same thing many many times. All she says is " you're supposed to say that "


"It's easy to say because it's true. I have to say, it's a bit hurtful that you don't believe I'm sincere."

Give her a kiss on the back of the neck, and walk away.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Whenever I got stuck in a pattern of negative speak about myself I'd give the "ugh don't say that.I'm a can of lard over here." DH would be like "It really pisses me off that you're always talking sh*t about my wife. If it keeps happening we're going to have to thrown down."


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I've gained some weight and I feel like a fatty right now. Husband will always say I'm not, but that's how I see myself. I'm really trying to work on seeing myself in a different light. But it's a battle. 

I agree with Scarlet. SHOW her you desire her. But not necessarily leading up to sex. When you get home, embrace her and give her a passionate kiss. Then let go and go about your business. 

While she is cooking walking up behind her and hug her from behind. Kiss her neck or let your hands wander. (If she likes that) Then back off.

Hold her hand when you're watching tv, or rub her back. My favorite touches are when we are out or doing something and husband just randomly rubs circles on my shoulder or back, or plays with my hair. It's the little touches that go the farthest. 

Actions are way better than words. Although words are nice too. lol


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The thing is you have to not only touch her for sex. This is what happens a lot. So if you only tell her she's pretty or touch her body with the idea/goal of sex, then you aren't doing it right. Leave her sweet notes, text her a smiley/kissy face, remind her why you fell in love with her, plan a date night, cuddle, do the things you did to get her. 

The romance will follow.


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

I only can say this. 

For a man to pursuit his wife with no intentions of having sex....the wife is one lucky woman.

This is coming from a woman who's been married for 22 yrs and not once have I ever been pursued by my husband since he married me. 

Do what Jellybeans says....leave sweet notes, remind her why you fell in love with her. I'm pretty sure something like that will break down some internal barriers she has about herself. 

Have fun!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

How to pursue:

1. wait for nightfall

2. tie her shoelaces together

3. set off smoke detector

4. ???

5. romance


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