# Why am I trying?



## lkn4answrs (Feb 4, 2008)

Ok, I am new here. I guess a place where I can get answers and not feel judged, or be judged and not know exactly who is telling me what I don't want to hear but need it!!I have been married for 3 1/2 years. We have a 8 year age difference. One I believe is major. We have had a rough go the past 2 years, moving, job changes and recently have lived apart for 9 months...different states, due to job change. During this time I was finishing a master's and really beginning to learn a lot about my self. While I was there, my husband and I began to drift. I have always noticed things about him that drove me nuts, control over finances being a major one. I found myself not being attracted to him much anymore either and really just "losing it" for him. I began a friendship with a man over the summer which eventually turned into a relationship. He is a wonderful man and really was great to talk to about everything. He and I spent hours just talking, going to dinner, having tons of fun together. We made eachother feel good and happy. He tells me he is inlove with me and for awhile I thought I might be as well. Well, I moved to the city where my husband was and we lived together.He found out about my "affair" and was crushed. He new there were problems but not this bad. I continued to talk to this person because I wanted to and needed answers. I moved out into my own place but recently, a few days ago asked to go to counciling and try to work things out.Im confused as to "why" I am doing this? Do I really deep down love him or am I just scared? Will counciling tell us IF we actually have a chance and is it possible that through all the crap we have been through that we could possibly have a better relationship now...me knowing more about myself and knowing what it would be like without him? Finally, how do I let this other person go if Im not even sure I can, he has become now as a best friend! So confused.....


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## sarahdale24 (Feb 3, 2008)

My best advice is- seperation while getting help from a professional. Cheating is wrong no matter how much you look at it. I know thats not what you want to hear, but it's true. You need to find yourself before you will EVER have any chance with anyone else. Go do that, seperate, and lose contact with this new guy for right now. Find yourself...its essential to your life!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Sarah is right here an emotional affair can hurt just as much as a sexual affair. My suggestion is similar to sarah's that you need to cut this other guy from your life and really try to honor your marriage. If you decide from there that it can not work then you have a clear mind but it really sounds like you have a self defeating prophesy here where you do not want it to work so you will not let it.

draconis


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