# To any WS here....



## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

To those WS's who are remorseful, guilt ridden, and in R.....

Please try to explain what you feel when you look at your BS.
How does it feel when you see them hurt. What do you feel when you see them some what happy. What do you think/feel everyday when you are not with them?

I'm trying to understand what my WW is experiencing. As a BS, its so hard to relate to the point that she says she is experience pain and is going through hell too. I want to understand what she feels when she looks at me. 

Does having your BS stay make them look at you in even better light than they ever did? I have so many questions and just want to hear comments from WSs. She can sit there and tell me everything she feels but it wont register. I need to hear it from others.


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## IPoH (Jul 31, 2012)

No one can answer for how your wife is feeling, and it is completely understandable that you don't believe her, that will take a long time to be built again. Why does she want you to understand her pain?

On to your questions though... (there are many emotions that happen at the same time, maybe a woman thing, I dunno)
How does it feel when I see him hurt? I feel guilt, knowing that I caused his pain, I feel sad that he is in pain, I feel sorrow, I wish I could change the past.
How does it feel when I see him happy? Bittersweet hope, though I'm not sure bittersweet is the right word (I'm not as articulate as he is). I am happy that he can still find happiness, it gives hope that someday he will be happy more often than not. I think about how he used to be happy and wonder if he can ever feel like that again, while knowing that I'm the reason he is not.
What do I think/feel when not with him? Sometimes I'm busy with the boys(edited to clarify that "the boys" are our two sons) and all the things that have to be done, but the thought of him is there. I wonder how he's feeling, what he's thinking. I wonder if he's had painful thoughts or if he's been able to go for awhile without thinking of it at all.

Though I can not speak for your wife, I can tell you how I feel. I think about how I've hurt my husband and I cry, everyday. I wish that I could go back and change my choices, make the right ones. The times that he does something specifically nice for me makes me very conflicted, I enjoy what he is doing and at the same time know fully that I don't deserve it.

Don't know if any of that helps you in anyway, I hope it does.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Focusing on the pain will do one thing. It will allow you to focus on the pain.

Today in your life, there are amazing things happening. You can look at her and see the pain. She has pain too. 

What you have to look for is:

Is she being 100% honest and transparent with you?
Is she remorseful with you?

Those are the important questions, the rest is just details that don't matter. You have to decide what you want out of life.

Do you want to sit there and feel sorry for yourself? I know this is hard, we have all been through it. Go out, put your cowboy boots on, man up a little and start working on yourself. Get fresh air everyday. Go work out and let the gym be your haven.

Do your kids have cancer? If the answer to that is no, then your life is pretty good except for one thing. Let your mind focus on the good and not that one thing and you will find moments of happiness and peace. Time will heal. You have lost your innocence in this, but if you step up now, you may find purpose in your life that you never knew you had.

I had my teeth cleaned yesterday. The older lady, dental assistant was very sad but I could not talk as I had to go to work. I called and got her name and just sent a nice bouquet of flowers to her as a simple act of random kindness.

I know you hurt. I know you have questions, but don't pity yourself. Step up and start really living your life. It will get much better but you have to put into it.

God bless and take care.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

PM sent hawx20


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

IPoH said:


> Don't know if any of that helps you in anyway, I hope it does.


Yes it very much does. This is exactly what I was looking for. It sounds just like what my wife has told me but for some reason hearing someone say the same thing gives it greater value.


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