# How would you , or, would you respond to this text from a family member?



## 4thtwin

For several years now I have had my twin brother on block because of some idiotic things he said to me. We're 51 and he has been married twice and divorced twice. During his second marriage he use to like to go visit escorts and pay them for sex. No, I'm not talking about high class several hundred dollar escorts at upscale hotels. I'm talking about $60 escorts who would jump in your car and you'd pull around the back of the building. Or you'd go to their cheap hotel for a 15 or 30 minute quickie. Anyway, his wife found out about them and threatened to walk down the aisle at his church and give the pastor all the proof. He even went so far as to text me a pic of a naked girl sitting on his marital bed. When I told him he needed to stop he and I got into it so I blocked him and unfriended him on Facebook. He claimed that I was just jealous of him. FAST Forward several years. I unblocked him recently because my daughter had the family's first great-grandchild recently and I wanted to update my brothers and sisters with news and photos. We've been cordial ever since. Several days ago he posted something on the family group text about having to go get a colonoscopy done. First of all no one asked and secondly, no one cares. That's just routine preventative health when you reach a certain age. This morning he posts this msg on the family group chat. 

"Great News" I got my test results from my physical yesterday and I am healthy as a horse! No high blood pressure. Sodium levels are low. BP is good. Glucose levels are low which means nowhere near diabetes. HDL (Bad Cholesterol) are a little elevated so I got started on Statin medication again. MOST IMPORTANTLY...HIV NEGATIVE!!!"

Of the six other brothers and sisters all in the group text only one person responded with a meme saying great. My brother texted everyone a year or so ago a pic of him and some 22 or 23 year old college student he said he was dating. Again, he's 51 soon to be 52 soon. My speculation was that was some escort he paid for sex and took a few photos of her. A week after those photos we never heard anything else about the girl. He started daying some other girl shortly after that and it lasted a few months until she broke up with him because he kept calling her wanting to know where she was one day. Come to find out she was with her son at his athletic games he had that day and she was busy with her son and not focusing on my brother. He has this thing to where he needs to know where you are at all times so he kept calling and bothering her. I guess he was mad that she didn't tell him she would be with her son that day. 

But in regards to his text, no one even knew he went to get a physical nor did we care. And more importantly, did we really need to know his HIV status? That was information he should have kept to himself. It just goes to show that he's out there having unprotected sex possibly with numerous people. I honestly think my brother (A) is a sex addict and (B) he falls in love with the first girl , or the next girl, who shows him any bit of attention. He never seems to want to date anyone "age appropriate" but would rather date someone quite a few years younger than him. His last serious girlfriend was some almost 15 years younger than him. But he fell out with her because she was at here son's b-ball games and wasn't responding to any of his texts.

How would you or would you even respond to a family member who texts you things like this?


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## D0nnivain

I am an only child so I'm not sure. Obviously this guy makes a lot of bad choices & you would prefer to keep your distance. Still as bad as he is, he's still your brother & I doubt you'd wish death on him so I'd say something passive aggressive like Good news on the negative HIV results; keep up the good work.


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## sokillme

4thtwin said:


> For several years now I have had my twin brother on block because of some idiotic things he said to me. We're 51 and he has been married twice and divorced twice. During his second marriage he use to like to go visit escorts and pay them for sex. No, I'm not talking about high class several hundred dollar escorts at upscale hotels. I'm talking about $60 escorts who would jump in your car and you'd pull around the back of the building. Or you'd go to their cheap hotel for a 15 or 30 minute quickie. Anyway, his wife found out about them and threatened to walk down the aisle at his church and give the pastor all the proof. He even went so far as to text me a pic of a naked girl sitting on his marital bed. When I told him he needed to stop he and I got into it so I blocked him and unfriended him on Facebook. He claimed that I was just jealous of him. FAST Forward several years. I unblocked him recently because my daughter had the family's first great-grandchild recently and I wanted to update my brothers and sisters with news and photos. We've been cordial ever since. Several days ago he posted something on the family group text about having to go get a colonoscopy done. First of all no one asked and secondly, no one cares. That's just routine preventative health when you reach a certain age. This morning he posts this msg on the family group chat.
> 
> "Great News" I got my test results from my physical yesterday and I am healthy as a horse! No high blood pressure. Sodium levels are low. BP is good. Glucose levels are low which means nowhere near diabetes. HDL (Bad Cholesterol) are a little elevated so I got started on Statin medication again. MOST IMPORTANTLY...HIV NEGATIVE!!!"
> 
> Of the six other brothers and sisters all in the group text only one person responded with a meme saying great. My brother texted everyone a year or so ago a pic of him and some 22 or 23 year old college student he said he was dating. Again, he's 51 soon to be 52 soon. My speculation was that was some escort he paid for sex and took a few photos of her. A week after those photos we never heard anything else about the girl. He started daying some other girl shortly after that and it lasted a few months until she broke up with him because he kept calling her wanting to know where she was one day. Come to find out she was with her son at his athletic games he had that day and she was busy with her son and not focusing on my brother. He has this thing to where he needs to know where you are at all times so he kept calling and bothering her. I guess he was mad that she didn't tell him she would be with her son that day.
> 
> But in regards to his text, no one even knew he went to get a physical nor did we care. And more importantly, did we really need to know his HIV status? That was information he should have kept to himself. It just goes to show that he's out there having unprotected sex possibly with numerous people. I honestly think my brother (A) is a sex addict and (B) he falls in love with the first girl , or the next girl, who shows him any bit of attention. He never seems to want to date anyone "age appropriate" but would rather date someone quite a few years younger than him. His last serious girlfriend was some almost 15 years younger than him. But he fell out with her because she was at here son's b-ball games and wasn't responding to any of his texts.
> 
> How would you or would you even respond to a family member who texts you things like this?


Ignore. 

But then again I am not on social media and think it is mostly just a perpetuation of the dynamics I hated in high school.


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## minimalME

4thtwin said:


> How would you or would you even respond to a family member who texts you things like this?


Lovingly - "I'm glad you're well."

If that would be disingenuous, simply don't respond. But if you're not working to improve the relationship, then why have contact at all? 

Just as an afterthought - your anger (contempt/self-righteousness/pridefulness) comes through very clearly. It might be helpful (for you) at some point to try and understand what's underneath all that.


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## Openminded

No response necessary.


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## aine

Reply ‘good for you‘ then ignore. If he bothers you so much , block him.


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## TomNebraska

I'd reply with a sarcastic "great job" and then ignore or block if he responds or keeps over-sharing


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## TomNebraska

Can you "mute" instead of blocking on facebook? The only social media I do is twitter, and only really for reading news. I've found muting is better than blocking because you will stop seeing their posts, but they won't find out they're muted like they will if they're blocked.


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## 4thtwin

sokillme said:


> Ignore.
> 
> But then again I am not on social media and think it is mostly just a perpetuation of the dynamics I hated in high school.


Trust me, I did. no one other than one of my sisters replied. It's like he has a disconnect in his head to where he doesn't know what to tell and what to keep to himself. Again, no one even knew he was going to get a physical so why the need to post his results to everyone. I've had several colonoscopies over the years due to some stomach issues I was having and not once did I ever post to the results to everyone.


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## 4thtwin

minimalME said:


> Lovingly - "I'm glad you're well."
> 
> If that would be disingenuous, simply don't respond. But if you're not working to improve the relationship, then why have contact at all?
> 
> Just as an afterthought - your anger (contempt/self-righteousness/pridefulness) comes through very clearly. It might be helpful (for you) at some point to try and understand what's underneath all that.


My "anger (contempt/self-righteousness/pridefulness)" are not the issue here. I am happy with who I am and what I've accomplished and I do not live my life cringing on everything he says or does. Again, when he told me about the girls he was sleeping with I tried to get him to stop. To me there would be nothing more embrassing than to have my wife walk down the aisle of my church one sunday, a church where I'm a highly respected deacon, and throw photos and text message proof on the pulpit for the pastor and all the church officials to see. He lives his life the way he wants to but feels it's appropriate to update everyone on who he's sleeping with this week. If you have to announce that you are HIV negative then you need to start wrapping it up.


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## 4thtwin

TomNebraska said:


> Can you "mute" instead of blocking on facebook? The only social media I do is twitter, and only really for reading news. I've found muting is better than blocking because you will stop seeing their posts, but they won't find out they're muted like they will if they're blocked.


I completely unfriended him on FB due to a post he put up about "certain people being jealous of him and his status / position" so I don't see his FB posts anymore. This message he sent was on our family group text chain. Again, info no one asked for nor care to know.


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## TomNebraska

4thtwin said:


> I completely unfriended him on FB due to a post he put up about "certain people being jealous of him and his status / position" so I don't see his FB posts anymore. This message he sent was on our family group text chain. Again, info no one asked for nor care to know.


whether or not you agree with his lifestyle, you kinda gotta hand it to the guy for getting laid so much.


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## SunCMars

4thtwin said:


> My "anger (contempt/self-righteousness/pridefulness)" are not the issue here. I am happy with who I am and what I've accomplished and I do not live my life cringing on everything he says or does. Again, when he told me about the girls he was sleeping with I tried to get him to stop. To me there would be nothing more embrassing than to have my wife walk down the aisle of my church one sunday, a church where I'm a highly respected deacon, and throw photos and text message proof on the pulpit for the pastor and all the church officials to see. He lives his life the way he wants to but feels it's appropriate to update everyone on who he's sleeping with this week. If you have to announce that you are HIV negative then you need to start wrapping it up.


In today's world we are no longer our brother keeper.

For your sake (and families), I would keep his secrets to myself. 

If the dirt spills out, deny him any loyalty. Many family's have a dark sheep among them.

If you make light of him, others will follow your lead. Tell them, poor little guy got dropped on his head.


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## D0nnivain

He may have been scared that this HIV test was going to come back positive. When he dodged that fatal bullet he was happy & wanted to (over)share. 

I didn't post the results but I understand the impulse. I thought I felt a lump in my breast last fall & wanted to shout from the mountain tops or post on social media when the mammogram came back negative. I didn't but I again I understand his impulse (at least this one not the prostitutes etc. )


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## Gabriel

TomNebraska said:


> whether or not you agree with his lifestyle, you kinda gotta hand it to the guy for getting laid so much.


Anybody can pay for it, man.


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## 4thtwin

SunCMars said:


> In today's world we are no longer our brother keeper.
> 
> For your sake (and families), I would keep his secrets to myself.
> 
> If the dirt spills out, deny him any loyalty. Many family's have a dark sheep among them.
> 
> If you make light of him, others will follow your lead. Tell them, poor little guy got dropped on his head.


The problem is that everyone knows or knew what he was doing while he was married and even he likes to tell everyone why his relationships break down so there's no secrets but I guess he feels the need to keep informing everyone of everything.


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## 4thtwin

D0nnivain said:


> He may have been scared that this HIV test was going to come back positive. When he dodged that fatal bullet he was happy & wanted to (over)share.
> 
> I didn't post the results but I understand the impulse. I thought I felt a lump in my breast last fall & wanted to shout from the mountain tops or post on social media when the mammogram came back negative. I didn't but I again I understand his impulse (at least this one not the prostitutes etc. )


Getting a clear mammogram report and telling your family everything checked out okay is a far cry from telling everyone your HIV results came back negative.


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## Blondilocks

Other than bragging about the HIV result (which was childish), he may have thought his siblings might want to know in case a condition runs in the family. Maybe, he needs to be informed that none of his family give a **** about him.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

Obviously you have great disdain for this man. Maybe, work on that...


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## Luckylucky

Sounds like an attention seeker. A real drama queen. 

Above poster said it best... dropped on his head. 

Look away and carry on, nothing to see here. Best way to deal with family members like that. Some people never grow up, I wouldn’t respond and wouldn’t give him much energy in my head.


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## ConanHub

"These aren't the droids you're looking for. Move along."


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## jlg07

4thtwin said:


> Trust me, I did. no one other than one of my sisters replied. It's like he has a disconnect in his head to where he doesn't know what to tell and what to keep to himself. Again, no one even knew he was going to get a physical so why the need to post his results to everyone. I've had several colonoscopies over the years due to some stomach issues I was having and not once did I ever post to the results to everyone.


So your brother isn't wrapped too tight anyway. Peter Pan, and an over bloated view that everyone needs to know EVERYTHING about him. Sounds like he needs to be the center of attention in all of his relationships.
I wouldn't worry about it -- you don't really interact with him IRL anyway, so just ignore.

Honestly, it sounds like he doesn't really have anyone else to talk with and just wanted to get it out to folks he thought MAY care. I can't imagine he has a ton of people close to him with his actions in his life.


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## Untrusting

4thtwin said:


> For several years now I have had my twin brother on block because of some idiotic things he said to me. We're 51 and he has been married twice and divorced twice. During his second marriage he use to like to go visit escorts and pay them for sex. No, I'm not talking about high class several hundred dollar escorts at upscale hotels. I'm talking about $60 escorts who would jump in your car and you'd pull around the back of the building. Or you'd go to their cheap hotel for a 15 or 30 minute quickie. Anyway, his wife found out about them and threatened to walk down the aisle at his church and give the pastor all the proof. He even went so far as to text me a pic of a naked girl sitting on his marital bed. When I told him he needed to stop he and I got into it so I blocked him and unfriended him on Facebook. He claimed that I was just jealous of him. FAST Forward several years. I unblocked him recently because my daughter had the family's first great-grandchild recently and I wanted to update my brothers and sisters with news and photos. We've been cordial ever since. Several days ago he posted something on the family group text about having to go get a colonoscopy done. First of all no one asked and secondly, no one cares. That's just routine preventative health when you reach a certain age. This morning he posts this msg on the family group chat.
> 
> "Great News" I got my test results from my physical yesterday and I am healthy as a horse! No high blood pressure. Sodium levels are low. BP is good. Glucose levels are low which means nowhere near diabetes. HDL (Bad Cholesterol) are a little elevated so I got started on Statin medication again. MOST IMPORTANTLY...HIV NEGATIVE!!!"
> 
> Of the six other brothers and sisters all in the group text only one person responded with a meme saying great. My brother texted everyone a year or so ago a pic of him and some 22 or 23 year old college student he said he was dating. Again, he's 51 soon to be 52 soon. My speculation was that was some escort he paid for sex and took a few photos of her. A week after those photos we never heard anything else about the girl. He started daying some other girl shortly after that and it lasted a few months until she broke up with him because he kept calling her wanting to know where she was one day. Come to find out she was with her son at his athletic games he had that day and she was busy with her son and not focusing on my brother. He has this thing to where he needs to know where you are at all times so he kept calling and bothering her. I guess he was mad that she didn't tell him she would be with her son that day.
> 
> But in regards to his text, no one even knew he went to get a physical nor did we care. And more importantly, did we really need to know his HIV status? That was information he should have kept to himself. It just goes to show that he's out there having unprotected sex possibly with numerous people. I honestly think my brother (A) is a sex addict and (B) he falls in love with the first girl , or the next girl, who shows him any bit of attention. He never seems to want to date anyone "age appropriate" but would rather date someone quite a few years younger than him. His last serious girlfriend was some almost 15 years younger than him. But he fell out with her because she was at here son's b-ball games and wasn't responding to any of his texts.
> 
> How would you or would you even respond to a family member who texts you things like this?


I have a half sister similar to this, in that she makes extremely tasteless and often cruel life decisions and she posts way too much personal stuff on Facebook. I have had her blocked for a couple years, every account she makes (goodness knows why she makes more). I don’t talk about her, and I don’t talk to her unless she is at a family event. She will always come say hello, and I say a quick hello out of respect for my father, and then I make myself a polite excuse to venture off elsewhere. I wouldn’t respond to any of these awkward messages or postings if I’d seen them and I don’t think you’re in the wrong if you choose not to respond.


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## TomNebraska

Gabriel said:


> Anybody can pay for it, man.


touché!

no offense to the OP... I would hate to have that kinda sibling. but the part about him
banging $50 street whores, then telling other people they're just jealous...
unintentionally hilarious.


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## DownByTheRiver

4thtwin said:


> For several years now I have had my twin brother on block because of some idiotic things he said to me. We're 51 and he has been married twice and divorced twice. During his second marriage he use to like to go visit escorts and pay them for sex. No, I'm not talking about high class several hundred dollar escorts at upscale hotels. I'm talking about $60 escorts who would jump in your car and you'd pull around the back of the building. Or you'd go to their cheap hotel for a 15 or 30 minute quickie. Anyway, his wife found out about them and threatened to walk down the aisle at his church and give the pastor all the proof. He even went so far as to text me a pic of a naked girl sitting on his marital bed. When I told him he needed to stop he and I got into it so I blocked him and unfriended him on Facebook. He claimed that I was just jealous of him. FAST Forward several years. I unblocked him recently because my daughter had the family's first great-grandchild recently and I wanted to update my brothers and sisters with news and photos. We've been cordial ever since. Several days ago he posted something on the family group text about having to go get a colonoscopy done. First of all no one asked and secondly, no one cares. That's just routine preventative health when you reach a certain age. This morning he posts this msg on the family group chat.
> 
> "Great News" I got my test results from my physical yesterday and I am healthy as a horse! No high blood pressure. Sodium levels are low. BP is good. Glucose levels are low which means nowhere near diabetes. HDL (Bad Cholesterol) are a little elevated so I got started on Statin medication again. MOST IMPORTANTLY...HIV NEGATIVE!!!"
> 
> Of the six other brothers and sisters all in the group text only one person responded with a meme saying great. My brother texted everyone a year or so ago a pic of him and some 22 or 23 year old college student he said he was dating. Again, he's 51 soon to be 52 soon. My speculation was that was some escort he paid for sex and took a few photos of her. A week after those photos we never heard anything else about the girl. He started daying some other girl shortly after that and it lasted a few months until she broke up with him because he kept calling her wanting to know where she was one day. Come to find out she was with her son at his athletic games he had that day and she was busy with her son and not focusing on my brother. He has this thing to where he needs to know where you are at all times so he kept calling and bothering her. I guess he was mad that she didn't tell him she would be with her son that day.
> 
> But in regards to his text, no one even knew he went to get a physical nor did we care. And more importantly, did we really need to know his HIV status? That was information he should have kept to himself. It just goes to show that he's out there having unprotected sex possibly with numerous people. I honestly think my brother (A) is a sex addict and (B) he falls in love with the first girl , or the next girl, who shows him any bit of attention. He never seems to want to date anyone "age appropriate" but would rather date someone quite a few years younger than him. His last serious girlfriend was some almost 15 years younger than him. But he fell out with her because she was at here son's b-ball games and wasn't responding to any of his texts.
> 
> How would you or would you even respond to a family member who texts you things like this?


I'd block him again. He sounds like he is needing a young thang to prop up his fragile ego and the goal being make people envy him, and all this is because he has bad self-esteem, so he's reaching outward for a crutch to make him look like he is happy and confident. Meanwhile, he's a skeezebag. I certainly wouldn't let him around your offspring or their friends. He'd have no boundaries and be a terrible influence.


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## 4thtwin

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'd block him again. He sounds like he is needing a young thang to prop up his fragile ego and the goal being make people envy him, and all this is because he has bad self-esteem, so he's reaching outward for a crutch to make him look like he is happy and confident. Meanwhile, he's a skeezebag. I certainly wouldn't let him around your offspring or their friends. He'd have no boundaries and be a terrible influence.





DownByTheRiver said:


> I'd block him again. He sounds like he is needing a young thang to prop up his fragile ego and the goal being make people envy him, and all this is because he has bad self-esteem, so he's reaching outward for a crutch to make him look like he is happy and confident. Meanwhile, he's a skeezebag. I certainly wouldn't let him around your offspring or their friends. He'd have no boundaries and be a terrible influence.


It's funny how when I'm at my parent's my dad will say things like "he's stupid" On one hand I don't see a problem with a 51 year old dating someone a little younger than you but to day someone old enough to be dating your own kids is too young for me. The young thang he paraded us with the photos was younger than his oldest daughter. His daughter doesn't even contact him. She calls our parents, her parents because they basically raised her. He lets sex run his life. He got mad at his 2nd wife because she wasn't giving him enough sex. He felt that he should still be getting it 3 or 4 times a week. Now one may say there's nothing wrong with having a great sex life but when you work a full time job then you have an autistic child (the 2nd wife) yourself maybe the last thing on your mind was servicing your husband several times a week, every week.


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## DownByTheRiver

4thtwin said:


> It's funny how when I'm at my parent's my dad will say things like "he's stupid" On one hand I don't see a problem with a 51 year old dating someone a little younger than you but to day someone old enough to be dating your own kids is too young for me. The young thang he paraded us with the photos was younger than his oldest daughter. His daughter doesn't even contact him. She calls our parents, her parents because they basically raised her. He lets sex run his life. He got mad at his 2nd wife because she wasn't giving him enough sex. He felt that he should still be getting it 3 or 4 times a week. Now one may say there's nothing wrong with having a great sex life but when you work a full time job then you have an autistic child (the 2nd wife) yourself maybe the last thing on your mind was servicing your husband several times a week, every week.


He wants people to think he's a sex machine. It's probably all BS. He's probably sticking with young ones because they don't know a bad F from a good one and are too nice to say anything. 

I feel sorry for his daughter. He has probably come on to her friends and embarrassed her since he has no noticeable boundaries. Be sure she has an outlet to talk to someone. Even if all he's done is make passing comments about sex this or sex that, it's enough to make the daughter very uncomfortable. Someone should definitely talk to her and mention about boundaries and how he doesn't have any and that he makes people uncomfortable so she can come forward if she needs to talk and also doesn't feel there's something wrong with her.


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## re16

"might be time to go to Vegas, your dice rolls seem to be working out"


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## 4thtwin

DownByTheRiver said:


> He wants people to think he's a sex machine. It's probably all BS. He's probably sticking with young ones because they don't know a bad F from a good one and are too nice to say anything.
> 
> I feel sorry for his daughter. He has probably come on to her friends and embarrassed her since he has no noticeable boundaries. Be sure she has an outlet to talk to someone. Even if all he's done is make passing comments about sex this or sex that, it's enough to make the daughter very uncomfortable. Someone should definitely talk to her and mention about boundaries and how he doesn't have any and that he makes people uncomfortable so she can come forward if she needs to talk and also doesn't feel there's something wrong with her.


His daughter is perfectly adjusted. She's worked on her education and has moved from state to state from one job to the next. She's great. She and I are closer than her and her dad. I just don't understand why he can't find someone more age appropriate to date. What's gonna happen is that one day he's gonna announce that he's gotten some young girl pregnant. Again, I'm the baby of the family and I'll be 52 in a few months. Nothing looks worst in my book than an old/er guy with a baby by some young girl.


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## DownByTheRiver

Oh, he's probably mainly seeing hookers, like you mentioned earlier.


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