# Do you know any narcissists?



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

This term seems to be bandied about quite a bit these days. I asked my husband if knew someone, either well or not so well, whom he would consider a narc. We both agreed that we don't know.

I can certainly list some passive aggressive types I've had to deal with over the years, like my ex husband. But I don't recall him being overly sensitive to negative feedback. 

If you can think of one or more, tell us how you know this person and what he / she does that makes you think they're a narc.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

My ex husband is a narcissist. He lacks empathy toward everyone, even his family. He has told me that he is missing the part of his brain that makes him feel. Everything is about him, literally. I was obsessed with him, and he never ever loved me, he only loved how I made HIM feel. His mom called him crying one day because his uncle died unexpectedly... my ex didn’t pick up the phone because he didn’t want to hear his mom upset. In our entire marriage he never apologized once, he was never wrong. We never had make up sex once because he never said sorry.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Also he is Incredibly charming and everyone loves him. I found out it’s because he always tells the person he is talking to what they want to hear. He blows in their ego, and makes them feel really good (while insulting them behind their back). He has no opinions himself because he doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He has never voted in an election. But when he talks to Christians he is Christian and pro life and blah blah, when he talks to liberals he is liberal and pro choice. Etc. he doesn’t have an identity himself.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/14-signs-of-narcissism

Conservatively could tick 11 of the 14 check boxes with EW.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

And to be honest and completely fair, I think most of us probably exhibit something in our lives that is a narcissistic action but the difference I think, between a narcissist and someone that may do narcissist things, is whether it describes or defines that person for the most part.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Loved himself--enormous grandiosity and entitlement, no empathy, could not deal with criticism, moody, not logical or consistent, unwarranted envy, exaggerated achievements, hidden problems with self-esteem, self-sabotaged relationships, takes advantage of others--this is/was my Ex--diagnosed by psychologist. Hides this well at times and doesn't improve with age.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

My exH was a (diagnosed) narcissist. He is capable of charming anyone in daily life. However, behind closed doors in any significant relationship he is a completely different person ... devoid of empathy, makes life a living hell if he doesn't get his way in everything, withholds all affection and attention unless it is of benefit to him or others are watching. I've seen him start to rage when myself or my daughter were getting positive attention in some way, all in order to sabotage the situation and bring the "spotlight" back to him. For example, birthday parties were always ruined by his behavior. I have also seen him walk away and ignore the situation when myself or my daughter were injured, bleeding and required medical attention ... many, many times.

According to the expert literature approximately 10% of the population have cluster B personality disorders, they are spectrum disorders so some people are worse than others. With those numbers we probably all have encountered one of these people and we just didn't know it, narcissists in particular are usually very adept at acting and appearing normal during superficial interactions.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

SentHereForAReason said:


> And to be honest and completely fair, I think most of us probably exhibit something in our lives that is a narcissistic action but the difference I think, between a narcissist and someone that may do narcissist things, is whether it describes or defines that person for the most part.




That's true. As Red Sonja says, it's a spectrum disorder. There are some people who have hardly any narcissistic traits, and other people who exhibit most of them most of the time.

------------------------------
I believe that my mother is a narcissist. It took a long time for me to realize that. It helps to give some closure and understanding of why things were the way they were when I was growing up.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

TAM is likely a population sample that is more familiar with Narcissism and those who are Passive Aggressive than most. Our data will skew your results.


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## Dusk (Oct 29, 2018)

There are definitely way more narcissists on the internet than seems possible in real life. 


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I think that the suppose it anonymity of the Internet can definitely bring out our less desirable sides and are more self centered tendencies. I don't think there are near as many diagnosable narcissists out there as we think there are.

To a lot of people, once you strip away the pretense, narcissist just means someone who did something I didn't like and made me mad. That's not actually the definition of a narcissist lol


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> I think that the suppose it anonymity of the Internet can definitely bring out our less desirable sides and are more self centered tendencies. *I don't think there are near as many diagnosable narcissists out there as we think there are.*
> 
> To a lot of people, once you strip away the pretense, narcissist just means someone who did something I didn't like and made me mad. That's not actually the definition of a narcissist lol



I think it's entirely true that there aren't as many diagnoseable narcissists as many people would like to imagine. I also find that people are usually really quick to label anyone displaying selfish behavior as a narcissist. 

However, I also think it helps to keep in mind that it's possible to be a highly narcissistic person, without ever crossing the threshold into being a clinically diagnosed narcissist. From experience, a very narcissistic person can still be pretty damned hard to live with, even if they're not technically *a* narcissist. 

And, of course, narcissistic people - being narcissistic - generally won't ever go see anyone who would diagnose them anyway. Why would they? They're fine. It's everyone else who has a problem...


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> This term seems to be bandied about quite a bit these days.


Yes, there are tons of dime-store psychologists out there who continually 'diagnose' anyone who lies a lot and who is extremely selfish or so self-involved that they have no guilt, etc. I see "Narcissist" *constantly* used, particularly with regard to cheaters.

I see the term 'sex addict' continually overused as well, by uneducated betrayed wives who seem to think ANY man caught with his pants down *must *be a 'sex addict.' They foolishly tell new betrayed wives who have just posted their story about their cheating husbands that he's quite possibly a 'sex addict' or a 'porn addict' and that's what drove him to do it. Gotta love these ignorant armchair diagnoses, don't you? 

So no, I don't know any Narcissists - unless I count the 2,589 message board-diagnosed "Narcissists" that supposedly exist *only* in cyberspace. :rofl:


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

> And, of course, narcissistic people - being narcissistic - generally won't ever go see anyone who would diagnose them anyway. Why would they? They're fine. It's everyone else who has a problem...


Very true.

I have very VERY little tolerance for people who are never wrong, which is a definite narcissistic trait.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

My first husband had a lot of narcissistic tendencies. (There were other things going on there too, among them depression)

- Could NOT take any kind of criticism. NONE. Whether it was direct or implied, or not even a criticism at all, he perceived it as such and would flip his ****. His reactions would take you aback, you would stand there slack jawed, because you intended ZERO criticism in what you said. I 

- He was very closed minded. He could never give any consideration to anyone else's point of view if it differed from his. Was very pushy with his views, he was always right. 

- Everything had to be his way. 

- He was easily angered. In fact, he pretty much lived life in a constant state of low key anger. 

- Anti-social, even when it came to family events. 

- WOULD NOT let go of his past. Harped on his difficult childhood all.. the... time. Refused to go into therapy to help take care of this. (see above "cant take criticism")

- Believed everyone was against him. (despite his family trying to include him in everything, and begging for him to seek help.)


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

I think my father might fit the definition.


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## Dusk (Oct 29, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> I think that the suppose it anonymity of the Internet can definitely bring out our less desirable sides and are more self centered tendencies. I don't think there are near as many diagnosable narcissists out there as we think there are.
> 
> To a lot of people, once you strip away the pretense, narcissist just means someone who did something I didn't like and made me mad. That's not actually the definition of a narcissist lol




Oh I actually meant more people accusing/armchair diagnosing others of being narcissists. The kind of “well, if you meet a narcissist wherever you go...” 


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Yes, i agree, we should not call suspected narcissists 'narcissists' or 'probably', but stick to 'narcissistic behaviors'

i also agree with the above poster, who said we all do narcissistic things.

i've never known a certified narcissist, but my ex's ex would appear to have strong narcissistic tendencies. I could go on and on, but here's one
of the things: he would demand that she sleep in the nude every night and while having sex, he would
have a playboy or hustler next to the bed and bobble head back and forth from magazine to her as they had sex. 

if that doesn't take the cake.....


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> he would demand that she sleep in the nude every night and while having sex, he would
> have a playboy or hustler next to the bed and bobble head back and forth from magazine to her as they had sex.
> 
> if that doesn't take the cake.....


Holy **** that's terrible. She should've had a playgirl by her side of the bed.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

There is a line to a song that sums up my 25 year marriage perfectly. 

“You begged me to take care of things then smiled at the thought of me failing.”

I don’t know and I don’t care if my x was or wasn’t a narcissist though many people who read my thread thought he was and it was hard to disagree. For me though, the label never mattered because it wouldn’t have changed anything or made things better if he had been officially diagnosed. Knowing he was a twisted messed up individual was enough, no diagnosis required.


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

I know several people who have narcissistic characteristics like myself and my current SO, some of my family members and some of hers, some of my friends and some of hers. Do I know anyone who ticks all of the boxes described? No. Do I think most people with strong personalities have many of them, yes.


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