# got the date



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

So had my court appointment today, judge asked if we are in agreement, told him yes. Judge set the divorce court date for June 19th....that is the date ill be divorced now
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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Mazel Tov! New life!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

New life! It's also my last day of work (for summer break).

How you feelin?


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I'm numb, shell shocked. Together 11 years, and it only took 6 months to destroy. I hope my ex regrets this, and sees what she gave up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I'm sorry proud. I hope it will give you the closure and ability to move on like those that have been through says. Again, I'm sorry.
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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> I'm numb, shell shocked. Together 11 years, and it only took 6 months to destroy. I hope my ex regrets this, and sees what she gave up
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh she will.

I know you are numb. I'm sorry you are going through this. Just know we are "here" for you.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

How did she act towards you?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Congrats on getting one step closer to your new life


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Bandit she acted all caring towards me when I broke down and cried
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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Cried?
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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Yeah I cried
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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You cried huh?

(Sigh).......
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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Proud, you're a good soul. I can only imagine how difficult today has been for you, and I'm sorry you had to go through such an experience. That said...

No doubt you will bounce back from this. As I preach, continue to be part of your own solution. Focus on your kids and your own happiness and future. 

After all, we deserve someone who loves us for us. Grow and learn from this. You're in training to be a better partner to the next woman in your life. You will rock her socks off, and vice versa... in time. Something & someone to look forward to, eventually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> I'm numb, shell shocked. Together 11 years, and it only took 6 months to destroy. I hope my ex regrets this, and sees what she gave up
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Better that it gets destroyed in 6 months rather than (as in my case) dragged out over 6 years, two of which were high conflict and 4 of which were a long drawn out and expensive divorce.

Some day you won't care what your ex regrets, sees, thinks, etc.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

YOU CRIED???!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Bandit.....it's just something that happens, I've always worn my emotions on my sleeve; I'm grieving the marriage we had, we did have a lot of great times.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> YOU CRIED???!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandit don't hit me but you sound like my egotistical jerk husband right now. God forbid if he ever showed any emotion and for get it if I ever cried. I had to walk around my house holding everything in. 

A real man can show his feelings. I would think less of him like i do of my husband if he walked away not caring.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

I think Bandit is just giving proud a hard time. We've all been emotional messes a times during and after our divorces. I'm 6-2 and played college football and I cried. Cried a lot harder when my dog died last month, though!!!!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Paradise said:


> I think Bandit is just giving proud a hard time. We've all been emotional messes a times during and after our divorces. I'm 6-2 and played college football and I cried. Cried a lot harder when my dog died last month, though!!!!


*Been there! Done that!*


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

canguy66 said:


> Proud, you're a good soul. I can only imagine how difficult today has been for you, and I'm sorry you had to go through such an experience. That said...
> 
> No doubt you will bounce back from this. As I preach, continue to be part of your own solution. Focus on your kids and your own happiness and future.
> 
> ...


Can....what if the next person does the same thing? I mean when we got married we never thought things would happen the way they did, right? Man that scares me to ever go through this again. I know one can't go around afraid of life but this is awfully painful.

Geez I hope next time i meet someone with a heart like you or proud.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Problem is, I doubt his wife cried at all. 

She probably walked out of the courthouse with a big fat smile. 

Maybe I'm wrong.
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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

sadwithouthim said:


> .
> 
> Geez I hope next time i meet someone with a heart like you or proud.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ditto...


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

I cry, but not in front of her anymore. She does not deserve to see the pain she caused. When we cry they get to see that we still care about them and we get nothing in return. They get to feel better and not so much alone because they think they can come back anytime when they see us cry. We, on the other hand, get to watch them watch us cry and they do not even flinch. 

Crying in front of the X's sucks and needs to be avoided at all costs. I show my emotions to people that deserve them. She will never see me cry again. She has already seen enough of my tears.

I beg you to implore this through the rest of this. Crying makes them feel better in a sick sick way.


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

So sorry proud. You sound better than the other night though so that's good.I feel like I'm never "not" crying. Sometimes as soon as I see him I start crying. How do you stop it if you are so miserable and you are an emotional person? I've bit the inside of my cheek so hard it bled.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Traggy said:


> I cry, but not in front of her anymore. She does not deserve to see the pain she caused. When we cry they get to see that we still care about them and we get nothing in return. They get to feel better and not so much alone because they think they can come back anytime when they see us cry. We, on the other hand, get to watch them watch us cry and they do not even flinch.
> 
> Crying in front of the X's sucks and needs to be avoided at all costs. I show my emotions to people that deserve them. She will never see me cry again. She has already seen enough of my tears.
> 
> I beg you to implore this through the rest of this. Crying makes them feel better in a sick sick way.


Yeah....I'm sure you are right. Mine laughed when he saw I was hurt he didn't have his ring on. I don't want him to see my pain any more. I avoid him at all costs now but wish I could turn my faucet off at home. 

Bandit...I know my husband won't cry. Never has except one time when our dog flipped a bone up in the air and it went through his big screen TV.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

cantmove said:


> So sorry proud. You sound better than the other night though so that's good.I feel like I'm never "not" crying. Sometimes as soon as I see him I start crying. How do you stop it if you are so miserable and you are an emotional person? I've bit the inside of my cheek so hard it bled.


If you find the solution I'd love to know. 
I avoid seeing mine so my eyes don't swell up. I feel like a dog abused by his owner who forgives and keeps coming back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

cantmove said:


> So sorry proud. You sound better than the other night though so that's good.I feel like I'm never "not" crying. Sometimes as soon as I see him I start crying. How do you stop it if you are so miserable and you are an emotional person? I've bit the inside of my cheek so hard it bled.


Eventually you will stop. Eventually it will stop. But, you have to do things to help make the emotions stop. You have to help yourself move on.

I was like that too....I would start crying (or vomitting) whenever I saw my ex. Now, I feel nothing. (...well, I do feel a little bit of disgust). But, one day, you will stop feeling. 

You just have to take it one day at a time, and accept the reality of your life. Deal with it. ...and move on....and be better than you were!

One day, you won't care, Proud, whether your ex is happy/sad/remorseful/regretful. It won't matter, because you will have moved on and made a fabulous life without her. 

You are such a sweet and caring guy....you are going to triumph over this. You will.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

God today is so weird for me, we only set the final date today....I hope by next month when I get divorced on the 19th I will be able to handle it better. I know I look at her and realize she is not the same woman. Her voice, where it once made me weak in the knees, now makes me want to vomit! Being around her just gives me a panic attack. The house I used to share with her, where it was once my dream home, now it's been tainted. The only two rooms in the house that are pure are my children's rooms. She has more than likely had sex with at least one man since our split, everything about her screams selfish, out for herself, willing to break up the family. 

So why do I still feel like this? She looks sickly skinny now. Her parents can't believe how much weight I've lost with all this, her dad keeps telling me he is sorry that I had to lose the weight the way I did. 

I sometimes feel like I've been abandoned by god (or whatever higher power you subscribe to). I wonder if she is the best chance I'm going to have at love, and now I will just be a broke, broken down, single father of two?

There has to be better in store for life right? It's ironic, my best friend that I'm going to be living with in July, his divorce is final in June too. If it wasn't for all the wonderful women here on TAM I would start to wonder if there are good women out there?
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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> God today is so weird for me, we only set the final date today....I hope by next month when I get divorced on the 19th I will be able to handle it better. I know I look at her and realize she is not the same woman. Her voice, where it once made me weak in the knees, now makes me want to vomit! Being around her just gives me a panic attack. The house I used to share with her, where it was once my dream home, now it's been tainted. The only two rooms in the house that are pure are my children's rooms. She has more than likely had sex with at least one man since our split, everything about her screams selfish, out for herself, willing to break up the family.
> 
> So why do I still feel like this? She looks sickly skinny now. Her parents can't believe how much weight I've lost with all this, her dad keeps telling me he is sorry that I had to lose the weight the way I did.
> 
> ...



Proud:

There are good women out there. You may not readily see it, but they are there and you may very well have to take our word for it. But do me one very large favor: In the coming months, when you might see me intoning the same as you have about "a lack of good, loving women" out there, please take the liberty of kicking me in the backside and reminding me of the very same thing. Like you, I occasionally need encouragement also!


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

sadwithouthim said:


> Can....what if the next person does the same thing? I mean when we got married we never thought things would happen the way they did, right? Man that scares me to ever go through this again. I know one can't go around afraid of life but this is awfully painful.
> 
> Geez I hope next time i meet someone with a heart like you or proud.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can understand feeling jaded after being hurt, and going through the once bitten, twice shy feelings. Completely normal. 

I can't speak for anyone else, but I am viewing my journey as a learning and growing experience. It's made me realize how strong I really am, and also what I want and will not accept (or be) in my next relationship. I cannot imagine any worst pain and darkness than the months of January-March of this year. I now know love and pain. I feel I can survive anything now. I choose opening my heart to love, with the right person, eventually. 

Will I be cautious? Sure. Self-assured, more confident, adventurous? Ohhhhhh yeah. Am I ready? Almost. 

Thanks for the compliment, by way.


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

canguy66 said:


> I can understand feeling jaded after being hurt, and going through the once bitten, twice shy feelings. Completely normal.
> 
> I can't speak for anyone else, but I am viewing my journey as a learning and growing experience. It's made me realize how strong I really am, and also what I want and will not accept (or be) in my next relationship. I cannot imagine any worst pain and darkness than the months of January-March of this year. I now know love and pain. I feel I can survive anything now. I choose opening my heart to love, with the right person, eventually.
> 
> ...


I'm nearly there too... On a good day I feel like this to...
On a bad day I'm right there with Sad 

All I know is whatever is ahead - it can't be any worse that being in love with someone who is in love with themselves more.
Nothing can be lonlier than lying in a bed next to someone who is indifferent to you despite all your efforts. 

Someone who shows you nothing but contempt when you try to show them you love them, someone who gives their love to someone else whilst making you think you are crazy for suspecting it.

I'll never give myself to someone completely again, I'll always hold something back for myself (or that's the plan) but I am a woman who falls hard when she falls in love.. and thats not a bad thing - is it?


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

[email protected] said:


> I'm nearly there too... On a good day I feel like this to...
> On a bad day I'm right there with Sad
> 
> All I know is whatever is ahead - it can't be any worse that being in love with someone who is in love with themselves more.
> ...


Your 2nd paragraph is so true and encouraging for me to move on. Thank you for that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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