# Men, should wife ask dh to try and loose belly?



## mem2010 (Sep 21, 2010)

I have always been curious about something. My dh is a little overweight, mostly just a big man, but he does have a belly. When we first started dating he was very much in shape and I was very attracted to him physically. I love him very much but not sexually attracted to him anymore. I really do believe that if he lost a little weight, mainly his belly, that the sexual attraction would return. I've never told him that because I don't want to hurt him and I would be hurt if the situation was reversed. However, if it meant that much to him for me to be at a certain weight, and would make me attractive to him once again, I would want him to be honest in how he feels and I would do everything in my power to loose weight for him. So my question is, is it worth telling him how I feel and risk hurting and offending him, in hopes of regaining that sexual attraction? I wish he would ask me if there is anything I would like him to do to better our marriage and I maybe would tell him then. How do you men feel about something like this? I know each marriage is different so it would depend on a lot of things but in general, would you want your wife to tell you?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

How does he react to other critisism?

If he gets defensive, maybe the tact you take is that you are concerned about his health and start cooking better foods for him.

If he takes criticism well, you can be honest but there's a catch. if you say you will be more sexually attracted to him and then nothing changes when he does lose weight, how will that look?

I'd stick to the health issue.

And to answer your question, I'd be OK with my wife telling me I need to lose weight.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I kinda of disagree with Chris. Telling him you are concerned with his health, when that is not the issue, seems only likely to backfire.

I *think* if it were me, I would engage in a fitness change for ME. Since I am the main planner of dinner meals, I could then add more healthy choices to the dinner table. I prefer my looks when I am stick figure thin since I wear every extra ounce right at the midriff. So since I could stand to lose 5-10 pound or so, I would make whatever weight loss choice very obvious. If I chose weight watchers, I would have my materials around. I would discuss my work outs with him. I would try and have our entertainment include some kind of motion; walking, hiking... especially since that was part of our past together.

See if he gets on the band wagon. 

Another consideration is is he feeling the pinch from your lack of attraction? If he is asking for sex, it may be best to risk just telling him outright.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

It really doesn't matter what other men say on this, it matters how your husband IS. Some people would rather not hear the truth, it hurts too much, or they need it masked (like saying you are concerned about his health). Of coarse that is an issue too, but it really IS more than that. It is affecting YOU and him, he deserves to know (in my opionion). 

Most women can not handle this kind of conversation, I would think (generally) men are MORE open to it, but again, we are ALL so different. 

I would want my husband to be frank and blunt, if it meant I could improve the passion in our marraige. Then I am left with the opportunityt to blame HIM, take it all so personal , or do what I can do to light his fire for me again. That is always a worthy goal. And I dont doubt for a moment that this wife will again find him HOT if he looses the belly. 

It would bug me terribly if my man had one and I WOULD tell him so!

So how do you feel he will react ??


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

It's serious enough that you are here. He needs to lose the weight before he risks losing you.

Fight for your marriage together, tell him.

Also maybe you/he would like Married Man Sex Life: Be A Strapping Version Of You: The Smell Of Power


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Be kind and gentle, but tell the truth. Maybe the two of you can workout together. If he is willing to put the work in, so must you.


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## upstate_guy (Oct 28, 2010)

I'm trying the 'lead by example' approach because both W and I have put on some extra pounds (or, as her doctor put it, "marriage is treating you well" . 

I figure that if I can show marked improvement by following a pretty straightforward diet & workout-at-home routine, it will be an easier sell to get her to start joining in on workouts with me.. which gives us one more activity to pursue together. Seems smart in theory at least!


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## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

My husband could take the advice that he needed to lose weight. He's not sensitive at all.

The approach a lot of people suggest is that you ask your hubby to work out with you. Say you both need to tone up your bellies and ask him to start a work out together. It will be fun for both of you.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

When my W and I met I was fit and had a good amount of muscle. For most of our marriage I kept it. About 4-5 years ago I stopped lifting started getting "skinny" - she hates skinny. She told me nicely. Then not so nicely. It was killing her desire. Today - 25 pounds of upper body muscle mass later - she is totally into me again. 

Glad she told me. Glad she didn't pull any punches and just said what was what. We are in year 21 and still totally into each other physically.  



mem2010 said:


> I have always been curious about something. My dh is a little overweight, mostly just a big man, but he does have a belly. When we first started dating he was very much in shape and I was very attracted to him physically. I love him very much but not sexually attracted to him anymore. I really do believe that if he lost a little weight, mainly his belly, that the sexual attraction would return. I've never told him that because I don't want to hurt him and I would be hurt if the situation was reversed. However, if it meant that much to him for me to be at a certain weight, and would make me attractive to him once again, I would want him to be honest in how he feels and I would do everything in my power to loose weight for him. So my question is, is it worth telling him how I feel and risk hurting and offending him, in hopes of regaining that sexual attraction? I wish he would ask me if there is anything I would like him to do to better our marriage and I maybe would tell him then. How do you men feel about something like this? I know each marriage is different so it would depend on a lot of things but in general, would you want your wife to tell you?


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## SeeThomasHowl (Aug 19, 2009)

get him that belt that does crunches for you, that way he can site on the couch and lose belly at the same time. win-win


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## needsomejoy (Nov 1, 2010)

I'd start making more healthy meals, and trying to do more exercise activities together. 

If your husband could handle it you could tell him, but I would not be able to take my husband saying I am not attracted to you because of your belly, Maybe you can come up with a way to bring it up without it being hurtfull but I know I couldn't think of a way.

And to me, I find how my husband treats me to be a bigger factor on my attraction to him than his looks. When he is good to me I like him more and I am attracted to him, when he is a neglectfull jerk I want nothing to do with him, could there be more than just the belly that is impacting your sex drive?


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

A couple of factors might put your approach into perspective. If your relationship ended, would you see him as the type who would lose the belly to help him find another? If so, then he can probably handle a frank, but kind discussion.

If you don't bring it up, are there other factors that really bother you, and have been communicated, such as spending too little time with you? Inconsiderate? Just saying this to make sure you put the issues into perspective before you approach him. If all else is well, he might see this as a little request, and be happy to oblidge. But if he senses anger elsewhere, or from frequent arguments about other areas where he is not making the cut, he'll be resistant.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

I was a whopping 125 lbs when my wife and I 1st met. I started packing on the weight with our 1st kid and it just kept on shooting upwards.

I hit 160lbs after our 1st child, made a big effort and went back down to 135lbs but now I'm sitting at 170lbs. I've lost 10lbs over the past 3-4 months and have taken up biking. I used to blame it on the kids for me gaining weight until a good friend said it right into my face that it was my fault and not the kids and to stop blaming others for my weight gain.

That woke me up and I'm trying real hard to lose weight and get back my sex rock hard ass that my wife fell in love with. She told me she loved how my ass looked like in tight jeans and that's why she 1st went out with me lol.

And yes, my wife has been asking me to lose this beer gut for the past 3 years now.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

I think the best way is to try to find some form of exercise the both of you would like. And top that off with cardio sex 

I'm being funny but not really kidding, can't imagine me not falling for that and feeling pretty loved at the same time.


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## WB7 (Nov 13, 2012)

OMG im going through the exact same thing  
I feel like a terrible human being but the truth is, im not into big bellies!!! I love him so much but not sure how to approach this.. Ive been giving him hints for some time now to no avail.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Most guys are sexually motivated. If he understood that his big belly will result in less frequent sex but losing it will result in more sex, he'll live at the gym. You don't even have to be that obvious. Figure out a way to get him to work out. When he does, act like the sight of him sweating is the sexiest thing you've ever laid eyes on. If women just played up the sex, they could get most of us to set ourselves on fire.


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## SomeDamagedGoods (Nov 11, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Most guys are sexually motivated. If he understood that his big belly will result in less frequent sex but losing it will result in more sex, he'll live at the gym. You don't even have to be that obvious. Figure out a way to get him to work out. When he does, act like the sight of him sweating is the sexiest thing you've ever laid eyes on. If women just played up the sex, they could get most of us to set ourselves on fire.


Maybe. I think most guys understand the "fat-body = less sex" equation very well already since it's been built in since adolescence. No need to do the pavlov conditioning - just say "your big belly is a big turnoff" but be mindful of getting a payback response ("yea - well your big a$$ is a turnoff") but at least things are in the open now.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

He's a man. Tell him straight up in plain terms that he understands. Just go up to him and say "hey, you're too fat. No sex until you lose that gut."

Also, tell him you'll pay for his improvement with BJ's. This works well if you want him to get stuff done around the house too.


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