# Depression meds and influence on decisions



## Ataloss (Jul 8, 2009)

Does anyone wonder about the affect that antidepressants may have on important decisions we make in life? ...such as the choice of our mate?

My story: put on meds for Chronic Fatigue to help "key" me up, but doctor said I had some mild depression as well (situational from major life event). The meds worked wonders for me, my life just got better and I felt much better and full of energy (except of course the sleepiness that goes with it on occasion). I met my husband while on these meds and truth be told, although I felt like this was a healthy relationship, I saw a "red flag" from the beginning...it was telling me that I just wasn't attracted to him. Somehow, things fell into place and I thought to myself, since I hadn't been the best with choosing partners in the past, maybe this time was healthier and how things were "supposed" to be. Needless to say, I followed my head 100% but neglected what my heart was saying. Also, we did have something special together...we just worked well as a team, a very natural feeling, but the romance part wore off very quickly. Here it is 10 years into our marriage and we've had ups and downs but much more on the downside for the past year. I did stop taking meds successfully about 7 or 8 years ago prior to beginning our family. I've felt the same ever since though, as if my body took over what the meds were doing, of course 3 pregnancies made me feel my best and getting back to normal "hormonal reality" hasn't been easy. But overall, I just don't feel depressed. 

I also need to throw in the fact that we've NEVER had a good sex life and we both blamed it on the meds, but see now that it must not have played a very major part of that, yes, it lowered my drive, but now that my drive is back in full force, it's just not there for him, unfortunately. Let me also throw in that I haven't been unfaithful before that thought comes across anyone's mind.

So, I've contemplated going back on something and actually have a prescription filled (Wellbutrin), ready to take if I choose to go down that road again. The doctor told me that had I not asked her for this, she wouldn't have prescribed for depression as she says I'm not depressed and I know that as well. I feel great about all aspects of life EXCEPT my marriage. She did say that they will help me to get through whatever road I take, whether it be to get the marriage "back on track" where it was or to go through a divorce. She said it was my choice, and there they sit in my cupboard and have for several months. My line of thinking is this: IF the antidepressants "numbed" me in a sense, which made me go down the road I'm on (which I can say could be much worse because my husband is a decent person), do I want to go down that road (taking meds), which may put me back in that state of mind and covering up the problems that simmer and have for a long time. I would be doing this to keep our family together, but in the end, if I'd go off of the meds after a while, which I know I would because I wouldn't want to rely on them to keep me happy in my marriage, I'll be right back at square one: with a man I don't love the way I should. What is the best for everyone involved? 

And on a final note, when it comes to kids, I have 3, the oldest only 6 years old, so divorce, although stressful, may be better now than as my children get older. Staying together sounds great for them, but they really aren't witnessing a loving relationship WHATSOEVER. And, there has actually been a lot of friction more recently. Waiting until they're a lot older may cause some resentment on their part. Thanks in advance for responses. 

P.S.-Google antidepressants and numbness...it has been theorized that they tend to do this to people, which is actually what helps to get through issues. And this is good but not always, in my opinion. There comes a time that wounds need to be exposed completely to TRULY deal with them, and I believe that this is where I'm at in my situation.


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## Ataloss (Jul 8, 2009)

I don't quite understand that whenever I post something, I get little to no responses. I guess maybe I "babble" too much?


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## forwardtherapy (Nov 25, 2009)

What would a loving relationship look like to you?


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## Ataloss (Jul 8, 2009)

Thanks forwardtherapy. I guess a loving relationship would most definitely include a deep connection (in all ways) between 2 people. I just don't share that with my husband. Not that we need to have most things in common, but we have almost nothing in common. But most importantly, the spiritual connection is just not there. I just don't feel it and feel as though he is so much more "surface" then deep as a person. He almost NEVER talks about feelings, just wasn't brought up that way. He tells me he loves me but really doesn't show it except in advancements toward physical acts, which I have no interest in because I absolutely NEED the connection and I'm tired of going through the motions just so some friction is alleviated for a short time. I'm done doing that and have told him, but I'm not sure that is what will work for us.


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

I do wonder if you are looking for something unrealistic and more like a fairytale. Marriage isn't always going to have sparks and flames and butterflies. But once it is gone you realize how much you took for granted and most likely will wish that you tried harder. The kids will suffer no matter what age, Children in a two parent household are shown in many studies to do much better than divorced homes. 
I wish you the best. You should try to read some of the books by Gary Chapman - The Five Love Languages or The Four Seasons of Marriage.


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