# Not sure what to do..



## unsurejj (Apr 22, 2011)

Okay, forgive me this may be a little long. I have been married to my husband for a little over 3 years. I know that my husband has always been into porn, he's visual, and while I don't really like it, I've come to accept it somewhat.

A little after we got married I found out he had a secret email account. He had been chatting to men online and had sent some pictures of his penis and I believe some pictures of me and was talking about threesomes and whatnot. I of course was very shocked, confronted him, I thought OMG I've married a gay guy. It was a horrible situation (more because he was embarrassed I think) and from our talk I believe that he is both very insecure (wants other men to say what a great penis he has) and gets off on the thought of other men being attracted to me. We moved past it, I told him I didn't want him having a secret email again, but I did have a hard time with it for awhile.

A few months later I found out that he had posted some nude pictures he had taken of me online, blanking out my face. Again I confronted him and said this was unacceptable. It again came down to him becoming excited by people getting off on his wife.

Now our relationship is pretty good, I think we could have sex more often but we both are very busy and often tired (no excuse!) and we are relatively adventurous. He does like to talk about watching me have sex with another man, or broadcasting ourselves having sex online so other people can get off on it. I don't want people to think he's a sicko, I know that everyone has their sexual fantasies, I have my own, and I think talking dirty about them is healthy, even if I would never do them.

So tonight, I saw his computer briefly and before he closed the window he was working on, it certainly looked like another secret email with something about "nude pics of my wife". I said something about it and he's lying and said there was nothing there, and has since stormed out (not unlike him when we fight). I think he's just upset about being caught. So then I went and did some searches on the username I know he used previously and found he has or at least previously had posted some nude pictures of his own penis online on some websites, but doesn't seem to be active on them.

So here's the thing. I think if he and I could talk about things openly we could sort something out. In all honestly, though I don't like the idea, I appreciate that he really enjoys the thought of other men being excited by me. I think I could even overlook the sending photos if I could be sure they didn't include my face or anything recognizable. I hate that he lies to me so blatantly, I wish he could be more open about stuff like this with me.

It makes me wonder sometimes whether we should be married, but he really is a wonderful guy and I know he would do anything for me. How can I deal with this?

(Sorry it was such a long post)


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## Whatshisname (Jan 12, 2011)

My suggestion is to tell him exactly what you wrote in this paragraph;

So here's the thing. I think if he and I could talk about things openly we could sort something out. In all honestly, though I don't like the idea, I appreciate that he really enjoys the thought of other men being excited by me. I think I could even overlook the sending photos if I could be sure they didn't include my face or anything recognizable. I hate that he lies to me so blatantly, I wish he could be more open about stuff like this with me.

You put this very well and BTW, his fantasy is a very common one. Me? no, but my W has a fantasy about watching me pleasure another woman ( I could never do it though). I did a little research and found lots of people share this one.


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## Frustrated4Fifteen (Apr 20, 2011)

Tough call. 
Could be he's just satisfying some curiosity in an on-line anonymous, somewhat safe way and that's as far as it would ever go.
Could be he's testing the waters for a big dive.

Only he knows for sure - and actually, he may not even know.

The only thing (in my opinion) you can really do is simply be as careful as you think you can be. Try to be ready for multiple potential paths that it may try to go down. Be prepared to leave if that's what it takes, but also be prepared to not make a big deal about it if you determine that it's just a phase, or something that's not going to go anywhere else.

Although, the blatant lying even knowing he's basically been "caught" is cause for concern.

My $0.02


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

UnsureJJ

I have a ton of pics of my wife and we post them to a particular website where many women, mostly wives are posted naked.

many couples do this, 95% block out the spouse face in the pics.

the two things I have noticed, is either the husband gets off on the positive comments other men make of his wife.

Or the woman gets off that other men find her just as attractive as her husband does.

I also find it more interesting to see "real women" not the air brushed models of playboy, etc. It also seems these couples are all very happy and very much in love and comfortable.

how about buying a sexy costume online, wearing it and having your hubby take picturs of you and posting them without showing your face and tell him you wish to see the comments.

This is what we do, my wife loves it, so do I. You can keep things private without the face, yet also be a bit naughty which is what he wants.

I don't think your hubby is gay, just Bi-curious, I doubt anything will come out of it, unles you would be interested in a MFM.

I would do the pics and leave the rest to fantasy by him.

good luck


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