# Complicated, anger plus baby plus kicked out



## pinups4 (Jan 3, 2010)

First, I really need those that don't agree with my business (see Pinups4.com) to tell me that I'm horrible. My mom gives me enough of that - but I get funds raised for charities in a tough economy. Yes, sexy women and men NOT doing anything sexual are involved.

I've been with a woman for 18 years...we met in college. Engaged for 11, married for 6. Things were rough all along...very cyclical fights that made me cry and suicidal. Why we stayed together my family has no idea. 

She has anger issues - outbursts during which no physical violence but hateful comments that cut me. I often felt that the roller coaster of happy never got to the top with us. She never trusted me....when stress would hit us, it would be her against the world...and I' am the world. 

Recently, we got a diagnosis for this as an association disorder or something...it came up in counseling after she kicked me out. Oh yea we're pregnant and I got kicked out.

I've always done erotic photography as a hobby. To be honest I'm alot more adventurous in those areas than her and my friends show it. I NEVER cheated and never would. just who I hang out with - and she was always supportive. 

We're workaholics- 20 hour days are not uncommon, and we litterally sync our palm piliots to get time together. About a year ago we did a couples retreat to fix our marriage...so yea its not been a smooth ride.

I lost my job last spring and went full time in our real estate business..and working to start side businesses to get her free from her job by September 2010. More fights, more cycles...and pregnancy 

In September 09, my business Pinups4 started to take off. I finally found the partner (been looking since 2002) my business partner Erin (yes, business only). We had alot of work to do...and it took alot of nights.

All through this my wife encouraged my side business...even naming our search for models "***** hunts" and telling me she's happy I finally found good models. 

I had a friend over to do a shoot...was planning to be home by 8pm, but wife called me and told me not to worry - that I should hang out with friend as long as I wanted. I offerd to bring a pizza home, we could all have dinner and then Courtney and I could do whatever after wife went to sleep. That was fine, until the "whatever" involved going out - and she went into a rage. Hormones plus anger issues, my friend ran home crying.

Then, I screwed up and stayed workig late. yes working (I even have the server logs of the emails we were sending while sitting downstairs form her husband)...two nights. And was kicked out.

I know I'm messed up - and have very little self confidence and really no experience on my own. My business partner says I creep people out, trying too hard and looking uncomfortable. yes, the shrink has alot of work with me. At least wife has a diagnosis to work on. 

Now I'm torn. I miss my life - but know we were never happy. She wants me home while we work on it...I'm afraid of these outbursts and really feel that while I love her (as a friend at least) and miss "us" - it may not be HER I miss...but that I hate being alone

Question is do I go home now...stay away and work on it....or is it over? I don't want to be "that father" and the "*********" she called me... and am confused


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