# Childcare - How many kids could you manage by yourself?



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

How many children do you believe that you could manage every day, without more than 1 hour/day of help from your husband?

Let's say that you have until he gets home from work, and one hour of his help afterward, to completely finish your responsibilities for the day. No more chores or childcare can be completed after that one hour elapses. You are a SAHM, and do not have any professional responsibilities. All of the children are 6 years old or younger, and are healthy.

What number do you think would be realistic in that scenario?


----------



## KM87 (Nov 5, 2017)

The answer to this depends on a couple of variables. For instance, am I allowed to continue my work after the kids are in bed, without help from my husband? Also, does my work involve only managing the children, house and all that entails, or do I run a business/have other work to tend to outside of typical child rearing and household managing responsibilities?


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

KM87 said:


> The answer to this depends on a couple of variables. For instance, am I allowed to continue my work after the kids are in bed, without help from my husband? Also, does my work involve only managing the children, house and all that entails, or do I run a business/have other work to tend to outside of typical child rearing and household managing responsibilities?


I edited the OP to hopefully answer your questions. Let me know if further clarification is needed :grin2:


----------



## KM87 (Nov 5, 2017)

It also would depend on ages of the children,.as certain stages are much more labor intensive. 

Can I ask why you are posing this question?


----------



## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

2 in diapers was enough for me!!! But sure once kids were older another baby would be OK.


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

KM87 said:


> It also would depend on ages of the children,.as certain stages are much more labor intensive.
> 
> Can I ask why you are posing this question?


All of them would be 6 years old or younger. With 5 or 6 kids, the oldest one's age would probably exceed that, but the point is that there are young children in the house. Whether there be 6 of them, or 1 of them.

A woman recently told me that raising 6 children was an entirely reasonable endeavor. With both parents participating in child care for several hours after work, I would agree. But that's not the life I want. Which lead me to wonder, how many kids could a woman handle herself, with limited input from her husband? While allowing for multiple hours of alone time for the couple each night.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This depends on the ages of the children, their personalities, any disabilities/difficulties, etc. The type of situation matters as well.


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> This depends on the ages of the children, their personalities, any disabilities/difficulties, etc. The type of situation matters as well.


Personality can't be specified, since it is too variable, but let's say they're within a couple points either way of whatever you consider to be "typical". They are under 6 years old, and are perfectly healthy.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

BioFury said:


> Personality can't be specified, since it is too variable, but let's say they're within a couple points either way of whatever you consider to be "typical". They are under 6 years old, and are perfectly healthy.


What is this about? Do you know someone who is having a hard time handling some kids and so want to see what others think they can handle?


----------



## KM87 (Nov 5, 2017)

I'd venture a guess that most women would probably feel comfortable with 1, 2 or 3 kids, given the parameters you've set.

Are you married? Do you have kids?


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> What is this about? Do you know someone who is having a hard time handling some kids and so want to see what others think they can handle?


No, I'm discussing the subject with a woman who is not yet married, but wants to have 5-6 children. She believes that 6 children will afford her and her husband a few hours of free time each night. I stated that I was doubtful, but never having raised children myself, can't state it for certain. So I wanted to get the ladies here to give me their input, in what they think would be a reasonable "work load" for a mother, without making childcare into a 2nd job for the father, and allowing for 3-4 hours of private time for the couple each night.



KM87 said:


> I'd venture a guess that most women would probably feel comfortable with 1, 2 or 3 kids, given the parameters you've set.
> 
> Are you married? Do you have kids?


No, I am not yet married, nor do I have kids. I'm discussing the plausibility of raising 5-6 children without unreasonable stress upon the parents with a 3rd party. And I wanted to get the experiences of women who have been in the trenches.


----------



## KM87 (Nov 5, 2017)

Gotcha! I think you're right. 5-6 kids is definitely going to involve the husband a fair amount - especially while they're all young.

We have 3 and I know my husband is stressed out. However, i will say that with a solid bedtime routine it is definitely possible to have everyone in bed between 7 and 8, leaving a couple of hours for mom and dad before they need to sleep. And i believe in early bedtimes for children anyway, so we do get to enjoy some lovely peaceful time after 8pm. 

I suppose it depends on your parenting style, it's effectiveness and the discipline you maintain in your home regarding schedule/routine. I consider myself very organized, scheduled and I believe my parenting style works well for our family. It's tiring, but i can do everything without my husband's help and on time (he just knows that if he wants to spend time with me when the kids are down, he'd better help a little).


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

KM87 said:


> Gotcha! I think you're right. 5-6 kids is definitely going to involve the husband a fair amount - especially while they're all young.
> 
> We have 3 and I know my husband is stressed out. However, i will say that with a solid bedtime routine it is definitely possible to have everyone in bed between 7 and 8, leaving a couple of hours for mom and dad before they need to sleep. And i believe in early bedtimes for children anyway, so we do get to enjoy some lovely peaceful time after 8pm.
> 
> I suppose it depends on your parenting style, it's effectiveness and the discipline you maintain in your home regarding schedule/routine. I consider myself very organized, scheduled and I believe my parenting style works well for our family. It's tiring, but i can do everything without my husband's help and on time (he just knows that if he wants to spend time with me when the kids are down, he'd better help a little).


Alrighty, thank you! How do you think having 6 children would change you and your husband's lives with regard to stress, finishing chores/childcare, and having alone time?


----------



## azimuth (May 15, 2018)

BioFury said:


> No, I'm discussing the subject with a woman who is not yet married, but wants to have 5-6 children. She believes that 6 children will afford her and her husband a few hours of free time each night. I stated that I was doubtful, but never having raised children myself, can't state it for certain. So I wanted to get the ladies here to give me their input, in what they think would be a reasonable "work load" for a mother, without making childcare into a 2nd job for the father, and allowing for 3-4 hours of private time for the couple each night.
> 
> 
> 
> No, I am not yet married, nor do I have kids. I'm discussing the plausibility of raising 5-6 children without unreasonable stress upon the parents with a 3rd party. And I wanted to get the experiences of women who have been in the trenches.



Some people really love kids and take immense joy in raising them - men and women. If this woman is up front about her desires for lots of kids she’ll probably find a husband who loves kids also. Those kinds of families are very kid-centered in all their activities and free time. Are you worried that she wants that many kids? Do you want more date nights and adult socializing? Then 5-6 kids would probably be out of the question. But 1-2 you’ll definitely still be able to do do those things. She might not want to though.

To answer your question, having one alone is actually kind of hard in the daily life, since the child doesn’t have anyone to play with, they’re very demanding of the SAHM’s attention. If they had a sibling they can play together while the mom can get some other stuff done. But with only one, when dad gets home is when mom will want a break and/or use that time to get some things done while dad can entertain the child.

An infant is going to be completely exhausting no matter if you only have the infant or if you have three more in addition to the infant. The first year is a total blur and you barely get any sleep.


----------



## azimuth (May 15, 2018)

Yes the bedtime routine is critical, and can afford you with several hours of parents-only time in the evenings.


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

azimuth said:


> Yes the bedtime routine is critical, and can afford you with several hours of parents-only time in the evenings.


Can you expound on this? Are you saying that 3+ hours of alone time each night would be realistic with 5-6 kids, if the proper bedtime routine were maintained?


----------



## azimuth (May 15, 2018)

No. When kids grow up, they don’t go to bed at 8pm anymore. When you have 5-6 kids then some of them will be older and have homework, activities and chores in the evenings.

Why are you trying to prove this woman wrong about her kid preference?


----------



## KM87 (Nov 5, 2017)

BioFury said:


> Alrighty, thank you! How do you think having 6 children would change you and your husband's lives with regard to stress, finishing chores/childcare, and having alone time?


Having 6 children would most definitely increase my husband's stress level - at least when they're young - but that's just how he is because he doesn't have good boundaries in place, nor is he the most consistent in his parenting. If those two things were changed, I believe his stress level at home would decrease significantly. 

That many children would certainly increase the workload. However, as children get older (even 2 or 3 yrs old) it is in everyone's best interests to involve them in maintaining the home by assigning age-appropriate chores. Then, everything should be able to be completed by bedtime, leaving time for mom and dad then.

I agree with the comment about the first year (for each baby) being a sleepless blur. You just have to do what you must to survive - as an individual, as a couple, as a family. But it flies by so fast - even more so with each successive child.


----------



## KM87 (Nov 5, 2017)

azimuth said:


> No. When kids grow up, they don’t go to bed at 8pm anymore. When you have 5-6 kids then some of them will be older and have homework, activities and chores in the evenings.


Very true! I'm in the midst of small children so I forget that these things are coming!


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

azimuth said:


> No. When kids grow up, they don’t go to bed at 8pm anymore. When you have 5-6 kids then some of them will be older and have homework, activities and chores in the evenings.
> 
> *Why are you trying to prove this woman wrong about her kid preference?*


If she just wanted 6 kids, then fine. I don't care, have at it. But then the "plenty of alone time" thing came up, and I'm not the type to just smile and say "ok!" when a friend tells me something that I don't believe is true. So I stated my doubts (about them having 3 hours of alone time each night), at which point she basically told me I have no clue what caring for 6 kids is like.

Which is true. But it made me wonder, how many kids _is_ reasonable for having 3 hours of alone time a night? For my own marriage, I had planned 2-3 max. But I had never asked whether that was reasonable or not. So I figured I'd ask. Proving her wrong is a side-motive.


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

KM87 said:


> Having 6 children would most definitely increase my husband's stress level - at least when they're young - but that's just how he is because he doesn't have good boundaries in place, nor is he the most consistent in his parenting. If those two things were changed, I believe his stress level at home would decrease significantly.
> 
> That many children would certainly increase the workload. However, as children get older (even 2 or 3 yrs old) it is in everyone's best interests to involve them in maintaining the home by assigning age-appropriate chores. Then, everything should be able to be completed by bedtime, leaving time for mom and dad then.
> 
> I agree with the comment about the first year (for each baby) being a sleepless blur. You just have to do what you must to survive - as an individual, as a couple, as a family. But it flies by so fast - even more so with each successive child.


So you believe the goal of 3 hours alone each night is attainable with 6 kids? Is that with heavy assistance from hubby, intermediate, or light?


----------



## KM87 (Nov 5, 2017)

BioFury said:


> So you believe the goal of 3 hours alone each night is attainable with 6 kids? Is that with heavy assistance from hubby, intermediate, or light?


I'd say it is until the kids start having homework, activities and other demands in the evenings, as azimuth pointed out. Then, no, definitely not. And this alone time would depend on moderate help from hubby. I like to have everything in place for dinner/bath/storytime/bedtimes to happen on schedule. But the actual juggling of 6 kids into bed would require dad to get involved.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'm mom of two. I've intimately seen families of 4 kids (friends). 

No WAY is a couple with 6 going to have several HOURS of alone time every evening with 6 kids. Not even with 4. 

Heh maybe not even with 2 or 3.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I am the mother of two (used to be) needy kids. I say needy because they both demand my attention 100% of the time.

I could not handle more than 2nkids. I have babysit about 5 to 6 at the same time and its a madhouse.

My cousin has 5 kids. His wife is organized to a t. And she works. They are very regimental with their schedules. I always say she is the general. Their marriage is one of the best examples of partnership i have seen. They are both boots on the ground doing everything together. They cook, clean and help with homework together. My cousin is an amazing man. 

Their marriage is fanastic because they work towards the same goals. 

So, it can be done. Both h and w have to put in equal effort. They have to be organized and schedule everything. The marriage and childrearing has to be a top priority. So, its doable to spend 3 hours together alone when the kids are young. Put thdm in bed at 8:30.

However, by middle school as the homework goes up and activities increase, you would be hard pressed to get 1 to 2 hours.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I think that she needs to have one before she thinks she wants 5 or 6. :surprise:
She may then get a BIG reality check and stick to a couple. By the time the last one, the 5th or 6th, is at the age of having a regular bed time, the older ones will be up later, so her hope of having 3 hours per evening with her husband is pretty unlikely. Even once they are in bed, there would be a million and one things to do for the next day with that many children. 

I bought up three, completely on my own for 6 years,(they were in their teens then) and that was more than enough for me. I never stopped.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

BioFury said:


> If she just wanted 6 kids, then fine. I don't care, have at it. But then the "plenty of alone time" thing came up, and I'm not the type to just smile and say "ok!" when a friend tells me something that I don't believe is true. So I stated my doubts (about them having 3 hours of alone time each night), at which point she basically told me I have no clue what caring for 6 kids is like.
> 
> Which is true. But it made me wonder, how many kids _is_ reasonable for having 3 hours of alone time a night? For my own marriage, I had planned 2-3 max. But I had never asked whether that was reasonable or not. So I figured I'd ask. Proving her wrong is a side-motive.


She has no clue what caring for even one child it like.


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> She has no clue what caring for even one child it like.


Well she does have 4 siblings, though only one is young. Her mother had her when she was 14, her sister when she was 16, another sister at 18, and then a brother at 20. Her mother then had her younger sibling at 31. Her and her sisters still live at home, and do about 80% of the housework, and do 50% of the childcare for her young brother. Her mother therefore has time to spend with her husband at night. So my friend is looking at her current family, and thinking that if it works for her mom, it will work for her. Despite the fact that she will not have 2-3 adult children to do all the housework and a chunk of the childcare, while the 5th and 6th kid are in their infancy.


----------



## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

If i had a normal amount of energy, i would think i could handle about three kids under 6 years old. And that would be stretching my limits. 


I have handled a LOT more than that in the past though. It takes a LOT of energy to keep the attention of a whole lot of children. 

That energy is mostly spent trying to be something worth paying attention to. Something new.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

BioFury said:


> No, I'm discussing the subject with a woman who is not yet married, but wants to have 5-6 children. She believes that 6 children will afford her and her husband a few hours of free time each night. I stated that I was doubtful, but never having raised children myself, can't state it for certain. So I wanted to get the ladies here to give me their input, in what they think would be a reasonable "work load" for a mother, without making childcare into a 2nd job for the father, and allowing for 3-4 hours of private time for the couple each night.


Ah, get it. Then your assumption that all 6 kids are age 6 or under is probably wrong. Women seldom have that many kids with only a year between each of them.

I grew up in a family of 8 children. I'm #3, one of the "big kids". The first 4 of us are about 1.5 years apart. Then there is a 5-year gap before the 4 "little kids" came along. In my family, we kids mostly raised ourselves with the "big kids" taking a lot of responsibility for the "little kids". My mom was involved, she just did not need to cater to our every little need.

Plus, growing up, my mother taught us all how to do chores and cook. I started cooking meals for my entire family when I was 10... all of my 4 sisters and I did at that age. We took turns. 

Now I’m not saying that my mother ignored us. She taught us to cook, bake, sew our own clothing, she taught us art, taught us music, had us read the classics, and on and on. But she was not a helicopter mom like we see today. She also taught us how to doo chores, so we had a team of kids to help her with cleaning, cooking, etc.

On top of that, due to my father's job, we moved a lot living in the USA, Central American, Africa, Middle East and Europe. Oftentimes, my father went ahead of us and my mother traveled with all 8 kids in tow.

I have one son and 2 step kids. In my experience one child I a lot more work than 2 or more because children naturally form their own little tribe and look after each other. One, or even 2 children, tend to demand a lot of time from their primary parent. With my son, I was the only one around to play with him when he was home alone with me. So, I used to invite his friends over to play with him. When he had friends over it was much easier. He played with them. I just kept an eye on them all and gave them snacks or meals when they were hungry. Since my son and his friends entertained each other and picked up their toys when I told them too, they took very little of my time. I could get all kinds of housework and cooking done. There were of course days when I'd take my son out to do things, like to go museums, parks, library, etc. Often, we'd do this with a friend or two in tow.

When I remarried a man who had 2 children ages 10 & 12, my son was 10. Both their father and I worked. The kids were all in school. The house was clean, the meals were cooked, the yard was taken care of (their father did not lift a finger)... it was not really all that hard. Before he had some kind of life altering breakdown, there was plenty of time every day for me and my husband to spend together.

A woman who is very organized and knows how to handle a group of kids can handle 6 kids, keep the house and cook, etc and enjoy outings with the kids. And she can have a lot of time with your husband and socialize with friends. Organization is the key. 

So how organized is this young lady who wants 6 children? Does she have a mother, or other woman in her life who is a good example of this?

ETA: My father did zero to help with things like child care, bed time, baths, etc. He was there for us to talk to and spend quality time with. But my parents kept very separate roles with the children and home. Except.. my father cooked us the best pancake breakfasts very Sunday morning that he could.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

My Mom raised 7 children aging within 9 years of each other and fostered several. She wanted that very much. She says that after 2, every one just goes with the flow.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

As a guy, 6. Kids aren't that hard. As Bill Burr says, any job you can do in your pajamas isn't a difficult job. My two are 14 months apart. So if I have 6 kids and they are all 6 and under, that would mean I probably have some twins or triplets in there somewhere. Plus the young ones are all taking naps at that age, and the 5&6 year old kids are off to school for 7 hours a day. So you have a good 1-2 hour window even without your spouse home every weekday when kids are at school or napping. Easy peasy


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

BioFury said:


> No, I'm discussing the subject with a woman who is not yet married, but wants to have 5-6 children. She believes that 6 children will afford her and her husband a few hours of free time each night. I stated that I was doubtful, but never having raised children myself, can't state it for certain. So I wanted to get the ladies here to give me their input, in what they think would be a reasonable "work load" for a mother, without making childcare into a 2nd job for the father, and allowing for 3-4 hours of private time for the couple each night.
> 
> 
> 
> No, I am not yet married, nor do I have kids. I'm discussing the plausibility of raising 5-6 children without unreasonable stress upon the parents with a 3rd party. And I wanted to get the experiences of women who have been in the trenches.


The idea one can raise 5-6 kids while allowing for normal stress and 3-4 hours a day of couple time is feasible. 

If you live on a planet that has a day that lasts 40-44 Earth hours that is.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

BioFury said:


> Can you expound on this? Are you saying that 3+ hours of alone time each night would be realistic with 5-6 kids, if the proper bedtime routine were maintained?


Not unless you buy NyQuil or better yet, chloroform, in Costco sized containers.

Y'all seem to have very optimistic views of larger families...


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I forgot to add. At 6 kids, couple time will be the least of her problems. 

Money will be. 

Unless they take the "they can pay for themselves" approach to cars, extracurricular activities, enrichment, vacations, college...


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Unless they are making me pay for them, it's really none of my business. I have a friend turning her ONE into a monster and a friend whose 10 are awesome.

This falls in the MYOB category.


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I have 12 siblings....I am the middle child. To me, tending to children is second nature. I now teach 5th grade....  more children.

My H has one sibling 10 years older....totally different animal. He has twin daughters (grown) and was a very involved dad.

I had 5 children in six years. Not a big deal to me. I think the toughest part was the money. And no help from exH.... or as little as possible. If anything, that was my fault for putting up with him. Looooooong story. 

I agree with the 8 o'clock bedtime.... some kind of schedule. It gets trickier when they are all teens at the same time!!!


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

SunnyT said:


> I have 12 siblings....I am the middle child. To me, tending to children is second nature. I now teach 5th grade....  more children.
> 
> My H has one sibling 10 years older....totally different animal. He has twin daughters (grown) and was a very involved dad.
> 
> ...


So you raised your 5 kids by yourself, but your husband's lack of involvement destroyed your marriage?

Otherwise said, raising 5 kids by yourself was possible, but not while maintaining a healthy marriage?


----------



## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

I think it would take a while to get to the point of having quality time with her husband; if she has those children, say, 18 months apart there is always going to be an infant who needs to be fed and changed pretty often around the clock. You can hold to a strict bed time once a child's stomach has reached the size to hold them for more than a few hours, but by that time there would be the next one who has the frequent needs. 

And you can't assure yourself of no kind of special need. Children aren't toy dolls that can be put on the shelf when you want to do something else (which my step-daughter found out the hard way, but she did become an amazing mom).


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

BioFury said:


> So you raised your 5 kids by yourself, but your husband's lack of involvement destroyed your marriage?
> 
> Otherwise said, raising 5 kids by yourself was possible, but not while maintaining a healthy marriage?


Ummm, 2 separate things. I know, of course they are related.... but I'd like to think that if ex was more involved, the marriage itself would have been more successful. He chose to be a schmuck. But the kids got raised....happy and healthy, etc.... 

When the kids were little, there were designated bedtimes, there was a lock on the bedroom door, there was plenty of "grown up" time, etc.... 

But the question is kind of weird. Why base it on an uninvolved father? Like that's a good thing? It's doable, but not how it SHOULD be.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I managed 3 without help from DH other than him working to pay the bills. Everything household and childcare related was mine to do. We usually ended up with about 1-2 hrs a night after the kids were in bed. Of course, we were in our mid-20's when the youngest was born and could function on less sleep then.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

SunnyT said:


> But the question is kind of weird. Why base it on an uninvolved father? Like that's a good thing? It's doable, but not how it SHOULD be.


Not quite so weird where I come from. Most people in my location are blue collar working men with SAHM wives, so the men work avg. 12+ hr days and the SAHM wives tend to the kids and household with little to no help from their husbands as they are gone to work before the kids wake or shortly after and get home when the kids have gone to bed or will be going to bed shortly. Dad time with the kids is usually Sundays, holidays when the dads have the day off, or when the manufacturers shut down for a week to two weeks to changeover their equipment to make the new version of what they produce.


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Fair enough. I get that. As long as it's understood going in.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In the UK where housing is so expensive and even running a car is expensive, you would have to be very rich or very poor(on govt benefits) to have a large family. 

Both my parents came from large families, one was one of nine and the other one of 6(one died as a baby), but neither had good child hoods and it didn't benefit them having lots of siblings. 
Big families here are rare, most have 2 or 3 due to the cost and practicalities.


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

SunnyT said:


> Ummm, 2 separate things. I know, of course they are related.... but I'd like to think that if ex was more involved, the marriage itself would have been more successful. He chose to be a schmuck. But the kids got raised....happy and healthy, etc....
> 
> When the kids were little, there were designated bedtimes, there was a lock on the bedroom door, there was plenty of "grown up" time, etc....
> 
> But the question is kind of weird. Why base it on an uninvolved father? Like that's a good thing? It's doable, but not how it SHOULD be.


I'm not stating your uninvolved husband was the exclusive cause of your divorce. Merely stating that what I gleaned from your experiences is that while you were physically able to care for 5 children by yourself, it was not ideal. You were overwhelmed, and resented your husband for not helping you. Thus negatively effecting your marriage, eventually resulting in divorce. Is that accurate?


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> As a guy, 6. Kids aren't that hard. As Bill Burr says, any job you can do in your pajamas isn't a difficult job. My two are 14 months apart. So if I have 6 kids and they are all 6 and under, that would mean I probably have some twins or triplets in there somewhere. Plus the young ones are all taking naps at that age, and the 5&6 year old kids are off to school for 7 hours a day. So you have a good 1-2 hour window even without your spouse home every weekday when kids are at school or napping. Easy peasy


Thank you! I needed a hearty laugh. This gave me the heartiest one I've had in awhile.


----------



## azimuth (May 15, 2018)

BioFury said:


> I'm not stating your uninvolved husband was the exclusive cause of your divorce. Merely stating that what I gleaned from your experiences is that while you were physically able to care for 5 children by yourself, it was not ideal. You were overwhelmed, and resented your husband for not helping you. Thus negatively effecting your marriage, eventually resulting in divorce. Is that accurate?


Of course the husband must be involved and help raise the children he and his wife brought into the world. That's common sense. It's common sense if you have a lot of kids, you won't have a lot of couple-only time. I assume if a husband and wife choose to have six kids together, then both parents are aware that it'll cut into couple time. Common sense. If they choose to have that many kids, then most likely both parents like kids and the kid-centered lifestyle. Those who don't, choose not to have that many or none at all. If a husband or wife bails on the family because it's too much work and/or they don't help with raising the kids, then that's irresponsible parenting.

Do you think this woman's husband is getting duped into having six kids, and that he'll be blindsided with how much work he'll have to do?


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> Thank you! I needed a hearty laugh. This gave me the heartiest one I've had in awhile.


https://youtu.be/Hitc8haEu_g


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

BioFury said:


> I'm not stating your uninvolved husband was the exclusive cause of your divorce. Merely stating that what I gleaned from your experiences is that while you were physically able to care for 5 children by yourself, it was not ideal. You were overwhelmed, and resented your husband for not helping you. Thus negatively effecting your marriage, eventually resulting in divorce. Is that accurate?


You would think so.....but in my mind, that's not it. I wasn't overwhelmed. I handled it. It's hard to explain I guess. Ex was just very neglectful, he didn't either want to, or know how to be an involved parent....or even to enjoy the family. And he pretty much had his own life on the side. He just wouldn't participate in a meaningful way. 

It sounds pathetic. Actually, I think it would have been the same if we'd had one kid....or ten. And I think it would've ended the same. 

I did resent him, and his non-involvement....and his free time. But I'm not one to dwell on the negative....I worked hard, positively to keep the marriage, to make it work. Went to marriage counseling on my own...dealt with teen crap. So I didn't actually throw in the towel, altho I was trying to figure out HOW..... I was trying to MAKE him be a family guy. Of course that didn't work. He finally just walked out. 

He was actually soooooooo uninvolved and neglectful that we/I didn't realize that he'd left until he was gone for 3 days! 

I'm just saying its not related to the size of the family. It SHOULD be doable, there IS time, you CAN make it happen.


----------

