# Wife depressed, family suffers



## craig7165 (Sep 5, 2008)

I am 43 years old, married for 15 years, have three boys, never cheated, never will. Sorry this post got to be so long, anyway I made the descision to leave my wife this morning because I feel as though I am just spining my wheels. My wife has suffered from depression most of her life but the clincher was 10 years ago when her father died. She has slowly become more withdrawn and does not want to talk to me about it or anything for that matter. I was oblivious to what was happening until I got a wake up call. The company my wife was working for had been sold and they were laying off several of her freinds so she decided to throw a going away party for them at our house. I should probably mention that I am a recovering alcoholic and have been sober for 18 years and met my wife after I quit drinking. Perhaps that is why this hit me so hard, I watched my wife drink herself into a drunken stupor, and not ever seeing her dink that much before made me realize how sad she truly might be. She also was also going out of her way to make sure this cute young guy that she used to work with had enough to drink and even went so far as to get into out hottub with him. (she does not like to sit in the hottub with me or our kids so it struck me as odd). Perhaps I was just jelous that she could have fun drinking with her freinds and I had to just watch, or maybe I was jealous of the cute young guy. She maintains that nothing happened that night and I want to believe her but because I decided to go to bed at about 2am and the party went on for another three hours I was not down there to really know. I trust my wife when she is sober but that night seemed different she was really free. Anyway this party happened in April of 07 and since then I have been reading all I can about realtionships, went to a counselor with her (who BTW did nothing for us) decided to see a Chrstian counselor on my own for my ADD thinking I may be the contributing to her dpression. I have even sat down with her and asked her what she wants and needs from me but her answer is usuallty "I don't know" (which BTW is her answer to any question I ask her about us or how to raise our children, how to put together a sending plan) So far nothing has seemed to work. I made a statement to her this summer by moving down in to the basement for a month as a sort of trial seperation. I finally decided I would send her an email (since we cannot seem to talk face to face) stating what I needed from our relationship and encouraged her to give me a list as well. She was uterly disgusted and hurt (her words) at the fact that I was asking for sex. When I told her I wrote the list so you would not have to guess as to what my needs were and that if she could do the same she told me she would not stoop to my level. I moved back upstairs after I saw the effects of the trial seperation were having on our eldest son. I sat down with him and told him I would try worki things out with his mother, I also had a conversation with my wife and told her I feel we need to work this out for our kids sake. She agreed to work on fullfilling my needs fromthe list I gave her but has reall only fulfilled one, the sex thing (although she simply gets naked and lets me do my business, it's like sex with a blow up doll) Bottom line for me, I want to be involved with descisions regarding our finances (she exclusively handles the money), also child raising, but most of all I want to be in love with my wife again. I want to feel loved, receive affection (which she currently seems in capable of). Did I make the wrong descision in leaving her? Any advice would be appreciated as I feel really lost right now.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Maybe, but in the end you have to decide if you can live the way you were living and you have to know that you tried everything you could to recover the marriage (which) by the sounds of it you did. The marriage has to be a two way street and it seems from your point of view only you are trying. Have you ever found out anything else that might have caused her rift with you?

How do you feel about leaving?

draconis


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

Just make sure you get a good lawyer. Your wife sounds borderline unfit to be a mother (sorry if I'm wrong). You sound like you have suffered enough. 

Remember there will be tough times if you seperate. Just hang in there you sound like a good guy. You deserve better.


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