# Newly married and already having doubts :/



## jimmothy (Jul 21, 2013)

My wife and I have been together for about a month now and many of the things I was worried about prior to the wedding have come back to mind. Before the wedding I had conversations with my parents and friends about how concerned I was that she was boring, not intelligent, immature/sheltered, and just didn't really have any sort of unique traits about her. Basically that I was settling and I kind of knew it.

Between when I started dating her before I started college and now that I have graduated and am in grad school I have changed tremendously as a person. I went along with the engagement and marriage without really thinking it through because it seemed like a natural procession plus her family was really into weddings. Guys out there know that you'll do some stupid things for a girl without much thought, and for me that including going along with the marriage stuff to easily.

Either way, I asked myself a question recently. If I was single and all of my female friends were single would I pick her out of a crowd and date her again. The answer was no and that greatly concerned me. The person she started dating is no longer who I am but she really hasn't changed much.

Essentially, she bores me a lot. She cannot entertain herself, and has no real hobbies that I haven't introduced to her (save one which she rarely does). I do not enjoy her family and she doesn't really fit in with my friends, who all think we got married to quickly and don't fit well together (which no one told me in the first place). I've come to the conclusion that I don't really want to be married right now, but now I'm in one and am moderately happy for about half the time. I'm never thrilled that I'm married or have yet to have the I'm so lucky feeling that other couples have.

I do care for her and love her, but I don't know if I still will in a few months. I don't want to be wasting her time or mine, but I am basically the center of her world and she just isn't that high of a priority for me right now sad to say. I thought the feelings prior the wedding were just cold feet but they have all come back anyway :/

Any advice or anything would be great, more importantly I just wanted a place to write it all down. I may write more later who knows but I just wanted to put it up here.

Also, she is allergic to dogs and dogs are one of my favorite things. So I can never have a dog.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Are you withholding any information? Because it sounds like you are banging someone behind your wife's back or are about to.


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## jimmothy (Jul 21, 2013)

Nope, there is no other woman. That comment about would I date her again was essentially a thought experiment. My dilemma is more of should I even consider breaking off a good thing and ruining both our lives for a time or should I just be grateful for what I have in her already. 

I've concluded to just wait a few more months and see how it pans out. Things are moving in a decently positive direction with her becoming more independent and self confident. 

However, there is no infidelity in the equation. I still love her too much to do something like that.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

jimmothy said:


> Any advice or anything would be great, more importantly I just wanted a place to write it all down. I may write more later who knows but I just wanted to put it up here.
> 
> Also, she is allergic to dogs and dogs are one of my favorite things. So I can never have a dog.


Do not have children with her while you are unsure of the relationship. In time, you might get closer or you might drift completely away. If you are currently unsure of the relationship, do not make it worse. Do not make any permanent decisions (children, buying a house, etc) until you are sure you want to spend the rest of your life with her.


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## BoosterG (Jul 22, 2013)

I whole-heartedly agree with Survivorwife. I am in the same position as you, and I'm not sure what I am going to do. I have been married for eight months, and there are some issues coming about that I am not sure can be resolved. Ironically, one of those is that he is very insensitive about animals. I LOVE dogs, and I have a dog named Benny. Since we have been married, his true feelings about most all animals have really come out. He has asthma, and can't have lots of dog hair in the house, and I have truly made strides in keeping the house cleaner of it and keeping him outside more. But, he gets irritated when I talk about B being part of the family, or when I want to give him special food, or bring him indoors when it's storming outside. (he is scared of thunder). He makes rude and insensitive remarks about it and I'm really getting tired of it. We are different in so many other ways, of which many are beginning to be a problem for us. Honestly, I think the only thing that is keeping me from asking him to leave is that one of my best friends is renting his house that he lived in before, and I'm afraid he would kick her out if we split up. Anyhoo.... resolve your situation before you go much further! Your happiness is important.


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