# completely confused and unsure



## brownbear (May 20, 2011)

hi everyone

im over 4 years into a marriage. 
from day 1 we have had to deal with many pressures such as relocating from one country to another, ongoing financial struggle and pressure, large amounts of debt and a relationship with my wife's parents that is very damaged.
in the past 6 months the relationship has really nosedived as a result of some living arrangements I was forced into and as a result of issues with my in laws. despite my ongoing requests over many many months for her to take action, and to defend and support me as her husband, she has more or less done nothing and always taken the weakest of weak options available to her.
there is strong resentment inside of me against her, as well as feeling of broken trust, loss of faith, loss of belief and a complete loss of respect.
long, loud and abusive yelling matches are now frequent as is my fairly frequent absence form our home and complete absence of any communication for days on end while im staying with friends and family and so on.
its destructive and extremely draining in every way and i think im ready to get divorced. marriage counselling was arranged but the day before that we had a huge fight, i left the home and didnt go to the session.
i would appreciate hearing from anyone that has anything constructive or interesting to say, or who may in a similar situation or wants to perhaps get more information from me for an ongoing chat.
regards
brownbear


----------



## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I suggest you try marriage counseling.
It sounds like you are very angry and resentful and unable to communicate effectively with your wife.
Give it a try, and don't just go once. Go 3-4 times and if you still feel it is not helping, then you at least know you tried everything you could.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## brownbear (May 20, 2011)

so im back..

i ended up going to some marriage counselling, id say about 5 x hour long sessions. after those the therapist had only scratched the surface and did not cover important matters and i wasnt too thrilled with it. i felt too much like a customer if you could understand that, and that the approach wasnt bespoke, more a routined approach. i was concerned with the hefty cost also and knew our health cover would cover part of it, so i raised that with my wife and said id only continue if she could find out / sort that out etc, which she agreed to do. that would be about 2 months ago i think, and she has done nothing whatsoever, so that's how seriously she is taking things i suppose.

i am seeing a doctor by myself to get other opinions and to be able to talk to someone. i did not mention that in the first post but that began in early 2011. this has been quite useful for me.

things did brighten up for us for a period but they have gone back to the same now. she had lied to me about a few things which i found out about, that hasnt helped. so now its petty arguments about the same old same old same old..walking off on each other..silent treatment that goes on for days...lying in bed with earphones on...every night spent looking at laptops and mobile phones and not talking at all...no food in fridge because we dont go shopping...disputes over money..separate bank accounts remain that never changed....spending longer hours at work because whats the point in going home....i think you get the idea

the issues i face with in laws is the same also. they do not like me and theyve made that very clear to my wife. i have made it equally clear that the feelings are mutual. this makes things really unpleasant as a whole you would have to be in this position to understand i think. i dont answer the phone as it might be them. she doesnt talk about them, i dont mention them. its like they dont exist. 

dont really see a way out and think its gone on long enough now, could not see a return to the old days, i dont think i could have a family with her as it involves her family

she is from the other side of the world, a place i dont want to go back to after having lived there, plus ive no interest in seeing any of her family

it doesnt look good...i may be back with more at a later date again

same as before..interested to hear from anyone..


----------

