# Seperation



## Purplelover (4 mo ago)

Currently I have been with my husband for 10 years (since 2011) but we have been married for 11 months. We met in college when I was 19 and he was 20 we’ve always had a really great relationship but he’s always moved around and traveled a lot due to his dad‘s businesses so after we graduated college in 2014. He went off to live in France for 1 yr 1/2 and we maintained a long distance relationship we saw each other every three months or so. When he came back he lived here for about six months before moving to a city two hours away with his dad‘s business for the next two years we saw each other on weekends only and longer on holidays. After that business ended they moved again to another city about 2 1/2 hours from where we live and we also saw each other on the weekends as well so we’ve had some moments where we’ve been together like in college and in between jobs but a lot of the times we didn’t see each other full-time.. Finally around yr nine of our relationship I asked him to marry me and let him know that I really wanted to get married and I wanted to be with him stably. He said he wasn’t the marriage kind of person and that he never really thought about marriage because it was only a signing of a paper and that he wanted to be with me for as long as we could but that he didn’t need to marry me to do so. In the end we ended up getting married and he only did it because he said he wanted to make me happy and he didn’t want to lose me. During that time he ended up separating from his dad‘s company and trying to do his own thing he was raised in a very well off environment and his parents gave him everything and he never really had to work hard for a job since he always worked with his dad, leaving his dad made him very depressed because he felt like he was letting his family down and he realized that he had not accomplished anything in his life on his own. About 8 months into the marriage he started to say that he felt a little overwhelmed living with someone full-time and that he needed his space and that he wanted us to do different activities because we were doing everything together which was true. I started getting busy and hanging out with other friends and going to the gym and doing other things While still being together. He started going out with some friends a little bit but didn’t really do much to stay busy I went on a summer trip and when I came back he told me that he wanted to separate and that he needed space to figure out what he wanted in his life and that he loved me very very much but that he was going through some mental health issues and just didn’t know what the future will hold. He said that we just didn’t want some of the same things at first like I wanted to have kids next year at 31 and he said he wanted to wait until he was 35 I told him I had no issue waiting because I still realize that I had a lot of things to accomplish before having kids . He said that he just needed time to think things through and see what he needed for his life. But he told me that he wasn’t asking me for divorce and that he didn’t want to date or sleep with anybody else. He said that there was no universe in this world where he didn’t love me and that he would always love me no matter what. I asked him how long he wanted a separation to last and if there was a timeline and he said he just didn’t know. He said it could be months but that he couldn’t give me a definite timeline. This was in August and I asked him if we were still going to spend Christmas together and he said that that was a long time from now and that we would figure that out when we got to that point. He said that if I wanted to put a stamp on six months that I could revisit that date but that he wasn’t gonna make me any promises cause he just didn’t know how long of time he needed to figure his life out.. He told me that he wanted me to leave and to try my best to buy my own house which is something that we had talked about years and years ahead of this for investment purposes but regardless I told him that it would be very difficult for me to move out the next day since finding an apartment or finding a home will take some time he told me to stay as long as I needed but that it would be easier for me if I was gone because he wouldn’t feel like it was a true separation if I was still at home. 
He then said that he was gonna leave for a week and go to Canada to see his best friend (which is a girl, but that’s never been an issue they were truly always only been friends so let’s not make that a thing) The issue is that instead of talking to me more in depth about our separation he chooses to go away for a whole week and avoid me.
he texts me on Sunday and he left on Saturday
him: Hey love
Hey i hope you had a good weekend… and i hope you have a good week, I love you
Seven days went by and I didn’t hear from him and then he finally texted me when he came back from his trip.
A week pass by and I left to find an apartment on my own and ever since which was 18 days ago he has texted me about three times this whole situation has been so confusing because I love them with my whole heart and I’ve always been there for him and I’ve been more of the go-getter in this relationship. I’ve always taken care of the home and done the chores and push myself to work hard for what I need I’ve never had things for my parents since they were never wealthy so I’ve always worked for them myself. I have gotten my own job after I got my bachelors and that didn’t work out so I went back to school again got a different job then I got my masters and here I am again getting a second Masters trying to improve my life and do better. I guess I’m just trying to let it all out and just see where this is going because I’m very uncertain about what’s happening in the future I want him to be able to work on him but at the same time I worry that he just ends up wanting to end it all . I’m sharing a couple of messages that he sent me because I just don’t understand how long I should wait Oh what I should do because he moves very very slowly and he always has and our relationship if anyone asks him to do some thing for him they usually bypass him and asked me to do it because they know that I’ll get it done right away.

This is the first message I received after 7 day of not talking (I left him a letter after leaving the house)
Monday morning:
Him: Hey love I saw your letter last night, I appreciate your support I know this isnt easy for you and I respect that. All week long I had to stop myself from texting you and telling you how my day went or asking how yours was, mostly because I think that would be a diservice to you and to myself, I just like you said yourself I will love you always… I have things I need to work through and I think you do too and I really in my heart of hearts believe this time apart will be good for the both of us. Dont ever feel that you cant reach out to me if you need me, im always here for you and we can always meet up and catch each other up on our lives.

Him: Hey babe its not my intention to push you away I just need some space to figure out what i want for myself and how to make myself better and i appreciate everything you do for me and your patience and know that this isnt easy for me either, bur i do love you no matter what thats always gonna stay the same.

Him: Hey im gonna send you 150 bucks a month for the health insurance, I hope its ok if I stay on it, but its fine if you dont want to.

He then txted me 3 days later 
Thur
Him: Hey love, I hope youre doing ok, how is your week going?
Me. I replied back and told him that this was very difficult for me and then I was struggling but I loved him
Him: I love you too
Him. One day at a time we will both do better
Him: I think im gonna go see my dad this weekend so if you want to hang with the cats this weekend youre more than welcome to….( we have two cats and we can leave them on the weekends by themselves they’re fine they’re self-sufficient and have their feeders but they are like my children) 

this is the last message I heard from him on Thursday and today is Sunday and I’m heartbroken I’ve cried every single day for the past 18 days and I just don’t know what to do I want to wait for him but I also want the grief and the pain to go away and

I just don’t know if he really plans on working on himself because like I said he takes so long to do anything and I just don’t know if he’s going to change what are your thoughts what are your ideas I love this man to pieces and I really hope things work out for us but I just don’t know how long is too long to wait.

also I have been looking for houses left and right and haven’t fun anything I love but hopefully within the next month or so I will decide to close on a house we are in Texas so we are in a common law state so if I do decide to buy a house half of my house will belong to him and I just don’t know how to go about that if this relationship is just not gonna work obviously that’s a conversation I have to have with him in seriousness if I do decide to close on a house..

Thoughts??! 
should I still wear my wedding ring during this process I took it off last week but I’m debating if I should put it back.
Also we have not seen each other since August 20th when he left on his trip.. 
I have not initiated any texting because he is the one who asked me for the separation and I’m just don’t want to be seen like I’m chasing after him. 
we haven’t really told anyone but our parents and a couple of our closest friends which is like three our social media counts still have our names on there and all of our pictures nothing has changed. He is 31 and I am 30 years old.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You need to get a lawyer and divorce him. He has no problem knowing that you are very unhappy. That’s not something that a man who loves you would do.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

No...it's time to move on...Find himself ?
He doesn't want to be married. This has gone on long enough...


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Any man that would neglect you and your feelings surely doesn't love you the way he says he does.

Don't buy any property until you get a divorce. Obviously, he's not right for you, and you are not right for him, or he'd be with you right now and not constantly leaving you.

I guess I have learned a lot from my own personal situation. But that's a story for another day.

JMHO.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

He told you he wasn’t “the marriage kind,” and he’s demonstrating that. I think sometimes when we hear things, we don’t really believe what we’re hearing. Or we think the person will change. He really is the same person who said that, all along. Sorry you’re dealing with this but divorce and move on. He’ll never enjoy marriage and you’ll always be dealing with this.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

You need to move on. I suspect he is involved with another woman but does not want to admit this to you.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He didn’t want to get married but did — for you — and he doesn’t like it. Let him go.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

he sounds more like a 10 to 12 year old 
he was right in the part of making you find your own place , you can't live together and be apart , 
but the hi love in his messages is just his way of keeping you around as his sex toy for when he needs it ,
he wants to cut you out of his life only to the point , like he wants to have the relationship he had before when he was 2h away , and saw you for a booty call , 
he can not do marriage 
the time he came to france for a year and a half with his daddy , he was a man then not a little kid 
he never grow up


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## InTheDarkness (4 mo ago)

He probably loves you, but on another level, in a different love space. 
you are absolutely crazy about him, and he can stay days without hearing about you or giving news. 
You do not deserve to be suffering like this.
My first piece of advice for now would be to not respond to any of his messages. Let’s see how much he fights to be in touch. Then if you decide to respond let’s see how fast he goes back to that pattern. I would also advise when you decide to reply, to act detached 
All in all he seems emotionally unavailable. He loves you but is ready to take the chance to eff it up. He is trying to keep you in the side for when he is ready. You are not an object, he can’t put you on a shelf and use you whenever he needs you. I think it would be time for an ultimatum, and be ready to pull off for good.


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