# No-Fault Divorce - The Great Betrayal



## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

I am going to try and avoid a rant here, but divorce in America has a diverse effect on families, so I am passionate on the subject. Everyone jumps right to divorce it seems, and the ease of obtaining such an order is the reason. I believe that the very institution of marriage has been directly challenged by the current laws used in courthouses all across the country!!

​ Although divorce is an easier process today than it used to be, do the current laws of divorce best benefit the American family? 

There was a time in America, where fault was necessary to be granted a divorce; that is simply not the case anymore. Fault based laws required the spouse to prove adultery, drunkenness, desertion, impotency, conviction of a felony or cruelty by the other spouse. Without this evidence, a judge could deny a divorce. The current laws do not require any evidence of wrong doing in a marriage, thus they are called no-fault. No-fault divorce laws are bad for families and should be changed because they hinder the preservation of marriage, create a lower standard of living for custodial parents and children and encourage courts to favor divorce in lieu of supporting the sanctity of marriage.

No-fault divorce laws encourage a passé view of marriage in America, as if a warranty protected couples from making an error in one of life’s crucial decisions. As an institution, marriage has lost much of its legal, social, economic, and religious meaning and authority. All too often, no-fault laws become an escape clause which negatively impacts the family. We should be focusing on public policies which strengthen and preserve family life, not legislation to make the dismantling of marriage easier and quicker.:rules:

Perhaps one of the most relevant negative effects of no-fault divorce laws is that they lower a dependent spouse’s living standard because they no longer has grounds to argue in their defense. Fault law awarded alimony, child support, and property distribution to the evidence provided against the guilty spouse. Since the mother gets custody 82% of the time :scratchhead:, this means a lower standard of living for the children as well. Although divorce laws today do provide worksheets for support, no-fault laws have caused spouses to lose some of their financial bargaining power.

At one time the family court system’s allegiance was with the institution of marriage, it is now with the institution of divorce. Family courts used to put effort into protecting the sanctity of marriage. Religious precepts were once strong enough to prevent the dissolution of marriage, but no fault laws have been shown to have a weakening effect on these precepts. Those who wish to adhere to more traditional social patterns in marriage may find that no-fault divorce laws have disrupted the social order of stable families and would be more likely to support reform measures of no-fault laws.

Perhaps the most concerning aspect of divorce is the custody of children. No-fault laws have dramatically changed the face of custody in America. In the days of fault based laws, fathers had a fair shot at custody of their offspring, and today that shot is all but gone:soapbox:. The tender year’s presumption, a presumption that the best interest of the child is to be considered when a mother has custody, is a guiding presumption in determining custody of a child. Traditionally, a father would have to prove evidence of maternal unfitness to overrule the presumption and gain custody. No-fault laws dramatically undermine a father’s rights because all evidence of the spouse's wrongdoing is banned from the proceedings of a no-fault divorce.

Some would argue that these laws empower a man or woman in an abusive marriage and make it easier to leave a bad situation. They would be right, couples can in fact get divorced in record time. These couples may break apart, but the split is not equal or fair. Following the divorce, the husband frequently has an established career and a sufficient job, while the wife typically has no marketable skills to show for her years of marriage. In their rush to separate, the child’s financial future and social well-being are negatively impacted by the laws that allowed them to make the decision so swiftly. 

Be it technology or legislation, man’s desire to do things quicker and more efficiently has often backfired. No-fault laws are short-sighted at best and only provide a quick path to disaster. Marriage is a sacred pact and deserves laws that support it and give it every opportunity to survive. More forms of marriage and more alternatives to marriage are socially acceptable today, those who intend to partake of the tradition marriage should have the traditional values of a sacred union restored and preserved.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

As I said before, it's faster to get divorce than go through a drive thru or get service at the bank. This no fault divorce or as many times we hear it irreconcilable differences is the biggest BS I have heard in many years.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Right because HAVING to stay in a bad marriage because it is the law is a really good thing. Not.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Marriage should be harder to enter into and very easy to get out of, in my opinion. The fail is not at the exit but at the entrance.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

You have to take a parenting class when you get divorced. You should also be obligated to take a marriage class before you get married. Nobody says that one should stay in bad marriage no matter what the reason. I think people are just too lazy to try to work on their problems. We all know what the consequences are especially for the children of divorced parents. I am not a marriage counsellor or lawyer but I will take a wild guess that over 70% of couples problems can be resolved if both parties set their mind to that instead of searching the answers through adultery.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I think a marriage class is not enough. I think throughout children's lives, they need to be taught good relationship skills. Ideally this would be done at home with both passive modeling and active, thoughtful teaching. There are SKILLS that can be learned for relationships. Like the recognition and avoidance of the right fight. How to communicate with effectiveness, consideration to solve problems, increase cooperation and avoid barriers to cooperation. How to set effective limits with kindness and compassion. How to recognize a bad relationship so that it does not continue. 

These things are good for ANY relationship; friendship, romantic partnership, parenting, workplace relationships...

The problem is that obviously many parents don't HAVE these skills.

Changing anything about marriage law is going to be ineffective. And I think that the ability to get out of marriage is a good thing. The effect on the children is not from the divorce so much as the dysfunction of the relationship. If we want to do right by our children, we need to fix the ignorance and lack of relationship skill.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

i asked a similar question in the "relationships & spirituality" section here at TAM.

i didnt get on a soapbox. i merely posed it very generally so that anyone could expose themselves for what & how they think on the matter of marriage and its sidebars.

some "got it/that", some didnt.

i'll say here succinctly, that the best way for marital success 
to occur in the world is: "to *love* GOD with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength." AND, "to *love* your neighbor as yourself." 
[these commandments, borrowed from *Jesus Christ*, THE SUPERSTAR; THE SON OF GOD; THE REDEEMER OF MANKIND...et al, MUST COME from w/in you, not by laws
from w/out.]

Mankind must be changed from thinking we are little Gods unto
ourselves who don't need the creator God to show/teach/help us in anything/anyway.

till u acknowledge this, both as an individual, and as a nation/world, u aren't going anywhere, 'cept in circles like the 
dogs who chase their own tails. which is funny to some, but
pathetic to others.

choose now this day....for in choice you do have the power 
of LIFE or death. Jesus loves you. HE died for you. you begin
your own personal healing/story/walk with him by accepting him
as your Lord and Saviour.

JESUS LOVES! JESUS LIVES! JESUS IS NEAR U NOW! :biggrinangelA:


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

cb45 said:


> till u acknowledge this, both as an individual, and as a nation/world, u aren't going anywhere,


PLEASE, Nation remain secular! Or at least get no further religious!


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Right because HAVING to stay in a bad marriage because it is the law is a really good thing. Not.


I am not saying that divorce should be banned. I am merely saying that "No-Fault" Laws fail to recognize the wrong doings of a spouse. 

It seems, out of my entire message, you picked up only the part which states that judges could deny a divorce in the past. I put that in as a matter of disclosing facts. 

Ultimately the point I am making is that society has been given the green light to commit adultery. All you need to do is go out, drop trousers, do the deed and ask for half. Cha Ching! Without fault based divorce, what consequence is there to infidelity? 

It is perfectly arguable that a woman who cheats does not have the moral fortitude to raise a child. Yeah.. I said it. Why can't we bring that up in court? Do you really want your kids being raised by the OW or OM? Wouldnt that be a nice thing to defend your claim for custody?

Fault exists.

Recognize it. :smthumbup:


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

twotimeloser said:


> I am not saying that divorce should be banned. I am merely saying that "No-Fault" Laws fail to recognize the wrong doings of a spouse.


That is a complete and utter waste of judicial time IMO. I, for one, don't want to have my tax dollars go to figuring out who screwed up worse in their marriage. Separate the assets, take care of the kids. That is the only civil responsibility, in my opinion.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> That is a complete and utter waste of judicial time IMO. I, for one, don't want to have my tax dollars go to figuring out who screwed up worse in their marriage.


Sounds like The middle east custom of stoning would work for ya then... No Tax dollars and no waste of judicial time.

As a guy who has been cheated on twice by two different wives, I can support that too. LOL *smile*


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

twotimeloser said:


> Sounds like The middle east custom of stoning would work for ya then... No Tax dollars and no waste of judicial time.


Yah holy lack of understanding, batman. I don't have any desire to punish people for their wrong doing. Their wrong doing is their own undoing. They don't need any extra from me.



> As a guy who has been cheated on twice by two different wives, I can support that too. LOL *smile*


Hmmmm. What is the LCD here?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Not having specific grounds is more efficient. You no longer have to look for a horrible reason such as 'constructive abandonment'. You just split up. Of course if you live where I live or six other states, they still have alienation of affection laws which means you can serve your ex's new GF/BF with a suit for monetary damages for breaking up your marriage.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

Mind you, I don't believe in a higher power myself, but when I got married I viewed it as a oath to my wife, and myself. Saying that, I agree with Twotime, but would like to ad, it should be harder to get hitched as well.


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