# Forgiveness and letting things go



## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

How do I do this? I'm a grudge holder and I'm tired of living this way. Tired of being angry. How can I change? I need serious help from those who have a lot of forgiveness in their hearts.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Could you give us more info on what happened?

Are you a Christian?


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

I'm not Christian. Just infidelity on his part and our impending divorce. I'm not like this with just him but everybody. He's just hurt me the worst.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Sorry for asking so many questions. I just think we need some more info in order to be able to give sound advice.

Is he sorry for what he did? Are those other people sorry? Do you know "why" the others did what they did?


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

I think it is sometimes a good idea to speak to people who have wronged you in order to learn more about how they see the world, how they see you and so on...

People might have no idea that they hurt you with what they did. Some guys do not have much empathy and you could help them see that it is not okay to treat people like they did.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

No I don't think so. I thought he was and he still says he was but I don't believe it anymore. As for the others some I know why, others I don't.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

One of the best explanations of forgiveness I've heard was that it is you on the part of the forgiver not allowing the person who hurt you control over your life anymore. This was from someone who was deeply wounded by childhood abuse. This person was one of the most joyous people I've known.

Another saying I've heard is forgiveness is like forgiving a debt that someone owes you. You don't have to forget what they've done but you no longer expect payment from them.

Something I've learned is that I can forgive my spouse but not have to put myself in a position to get hurt again by them. This was empowering to me as I kept getting hurt, forgiving them and repeating that cycle. Now I can let go of those past hurts without getting re-wounded again and again.

Hope that helps.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I forgave my ex-husband of 45 years. It took until the divorce was final for me to do it but I did. Now we are friends and I never thought that would happen with the amount of anger and bitterness I had over his infidelity. 

Holding a grudge hurts you. Not the other person. They aren't damaged at all. But you are. So when thoughts of them enter your mind you need to refocus. Don't let them occupy space in your head. You'll feel better without all that anger. I do.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I understand, I can hold a grudge with the best of them. I deal with it by reminding myself that when someone does something crappy it seldom has anything to do with me. It's a character flaw on their part. I still get rid of them though, and I try to accept that the "why" question will never be answered.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm not perfect, so it's not hard for me to forgive others. I once had a wife who cheated and that's her "bad" but I made it easy for her by working too much and paying too little attention to the relationship. That was my "bad". In a marriage, very few problems are completely the fault of only one person. 
What would be the advantage of holding a grudge against someone you're divorcing? If you view him as the bad guy and you as the victim, you miss the opportunity of self-improvement. He's moving on. He may have a new relationship. He's not losing sleep worrying about your perception of him. He's not giving himself ulcers worrying about your opinion. The only person you can change is yourself and life is too short to spend it dragging around someone else's (or your own) garbage. If you or he have made mistakes, it means you are both human. Only one person on this earth was perfect and they nailed him to a cross. The rest of us are just struggling sinners. Regard mistakes as paying tuition to the university of life. The sacrifice is wasted only if you don't learn something. Drop that heavy, useless, crap, forgive him, forgive yourself (because, like it or not, you also made mistakes). Find some lessons in the experience that you benefit from and bury the rest. Yesterday is a done deal but you get to choose how you will live today and however many tommorows you get. I don't condone adultery but can I honestly say that I am immune to all (or any) temptation? Can you? There is very little that each of us aren't capable of, given the proper set of circumstances. 
Whatever this guy has done to hurt you, he probably added something to your life.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You free yourself when you let go of bitterness and anger and resentment. Holding on to it does not make your life better. I never thought I could let go of that and be free but I am. And I'm happy. Call it forgiveness or just moving on and not looking back. Whatever it is works.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

I feel the only way to truly forgive someone is to erase them totally from your life. Once you eliminate all feelings for them, then forgiveness will be achieved. I hold grudges, I do not forgive easily but only when I can no longer think of them. After a long time, I think of them and I realize I feel nothing, no ill feelings, no good feelings, nothing.
I have forgiven my ex because he was my best friend for a long time, he made mistakes, he was human. But ultimately, I still love him and cannot hate him. Our life together is over. I would never be able to trust him, but I forgive him.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I think it is really cool that you want to find forgiveness and stop being a grudge holder.

There are a lot of great books about cultivating forgiveness out there. Here is one, I haven't read it but there are many others like it, just take a quick peek at amazon:

Amazon.com: Radical Forgiveness eBook: Colin Tipping: Books


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Forgiveness is not about the other person, it's for you; to free yourself of their influence - to feel no hate, no emotion, just indifference. In other words, to get to the stage where you can proclaim: I just don't give a flying fk!

But it doesn't mean you have to forget, those who have wronged you will face the consequences of their actions. If they have failed your trust, makes no sense to trust them again, if they have did you harm, makes no sense to keep inviting it.

Just my two cents


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## uncool (Dec 12, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> If they have failed your trust, makes no sense to trust them again, if they have did you harm, makes no sense to keep inviting it.


I disagree, I think there should be second chances in situations where the original offense wasn't that bad.

I'm in a situation where my wife says that I said something about our marriage to my parents over the phone 16yrs ago. Neither she or I can remember what I exactly I said. As a result she has been bitter towards me and has with held sex from me for the past 16yrs. I'm just finding all this out recently. She will not forgive or accept an appology from me and says she can never trust me again. She now says she wants a divorce. So yes, I think there should be second chances in some situations. When someone demonstrates they'll never do things again... then why let it fester?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Do you feel there is reason for your hurts? What I am saying, is the things you are holding against others, are they serious violations towards you? Or are they slights and you feel you should be able to forgive but you can't? Example: are you hurt because your husband doesn't take out the trash and you can't forgive his laziness or are you hurt because he looks at porn and seems more interested in other women than you? You see the difference? 

We can have inner anger that gets repressed because we feel that we have to put on a good face, we feel like we have to keep trying eventhough we have been very wronged and we can't understand why we cannot forgive. Or there is a hidden anger in us that becomes vindictive or refuses to cooperate with others which we do not always understand. Are you being vindictive or are you simply having trouble forgiving?

My take on forgiveness when someone has hurt us deeply is the acceptance of their actions and moving past the act. It does not mean we go back into the fire-pit and face it again and I think that sometimes us who have been raised in the church believe we can do that. I think that is it actually detrimental to our well-being to go back into something that we should have learned a lesson from.

There are women who love their husbands so much that they repeatedly forgive their infidelity or the physical abuse. they feel if they forgive, in their hearts they have done the right thing, but they do themselves injustice by staying in a situation that is always going to require their forgiveness.

I had to finally let go of my stepsons and my inlaws. I won't go into the story but it was a very hurtful one. I tried and I hug in there as long as I could. The hurt was being pushed down because I wanted things to work, I wanted us to be family. One day that trigger was pulled and I started erupting like a volcano and I did not even know why. It was almost like I was not in control of my body. I had pushed away my gut feelings for the sake of keeping peace for years. All those hurts were not masked by bandaides. I felt terrible, I was the one angry and it was obvious what I had felt but there was no way to hide my feelings any longer. I had top understand what I had done and why. I also had to realize I had a reason for my feelings in the first place and I had a right to those hurts. I could not expect them to change for me or to even understand why I was hurt but I did know in order to save my sanity I had to let go. Once I reached the point of acceptance I considered it forgiveness but I have never gone back into the fire.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

You don't forgive them for them, you forgive them for yourself so you can feel better.

If the offense is not big, and/ or they are remorseful, then you can just give them another chance. Focus on their positive sides, what you like about them, and the GOOD things they ever did for you or bring into your life. That would help you switch toward positive feelings, which will turn the relationship around, and you will reach to genuinely forgive them.

If the offense is huge, or/ and they are unremorseful, then just cut them off your life. Don't give them any thought anymore. Every time their person and the act they've done to you comes in your mind, switch your thoughts to another person, thing, or situation you like or love. Your cheating wife came in your mind, and brought an array of painful feelings with her? think of the innocent smile of your child, your cute pet, or your loving, supporting friends; or anything else that is going good in your life. Anything, just don't invest any energy anymore in the person who wronged you.
And I know it is easier said than done, but once you erase them from your life, even when you remember them once in a blue moon, you will feel nothing. No more anger, no more hatred, no more irritation. Just indifference, and relief that they're gone. 

Do it for yourself. Your anger doesn't affect them, it affects only you.


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## Mike_O (Aug 3, 2011)

You are asking the right questions! Some folks never get as far as you - to be self-aware enough to want constructive change.

Most religions offer an approach or philosophy of forgiveness. If you are a religious person then you might find answers that make sense to you by looking to your faith.

A few non-religious concepts help me with forgiveness:

Life is short, some day I will die - so, how do I want to spend my days? Positive or negative? As empowered or submissive? Pursuing creative goals or extracting revenge? Sadly, I think a lot of people go to their graves unhappy and unfulfilled because of their own choices.

Life is often not fair. Even in the most difficult situations, we have the capacity to change and find purpose. A good read on this is Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search For Meaning.

The only person I can change is myself. Oh how I wish this were untrue!

Start small. If I am a Jew, forgiving the Nazis for killing my family might be very difficult - but I can show compassion for those around me (the people I meet, my family, even my dog). With practice, forgiveness and compassion gets easier and empowers us to address the bigger issues.

Best Wishes!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Forgiveness is totally for the person doing the forgiving. Not for the other person. It means you will no longer let that person have space in your head. You are free. And it's a wonderful feeling.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

I know forgiving is for me. My mother had always told me, "why be upset over someone who did or said something to you when they've moved on, unaware that you're hurt and are just fine and eating ice cream?" She was right. But I just have a hard time moving on from those close to me who have hurt me. It's not so much over physical things like them forgetting to lock a car door which resulted in my purse getting stolen. More like emotional wounds. I try to push past it and just when I think I do, I get reminders. At times I over estimate my ability to shrug things off and it may haunt me even days after the fact when he or she even forgot what was said or done. It's hurting me, which I know....I know it's for myself. I guess in a way a small part of me wants them to pay for what they did. But even if they did...I feel kind of stuck. I can't seem to get into the right mindset. I can read about it all day long and nod along with it saying "yeah!" but...I just don't get why I can't get there deep down.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> I am very interested in this. I cannot forgive. I never had any sort of revenge that I hoped. I have no answers, only best guesses and what I saw, which wasn't much. She will not speak with me. I cannot speak with the AP. I have so much anger for the AP and my ex, it's incredible. It does eat me up. There is not enough that I could do to relieve this anger.
> 
> I have come to believe that many people who say they have forgiven, don't truly forgive. They say the issues of anger and bitterness they have inside, are "emotional issues caused by an abusive spouse". Sometimes, I think that's a bit of a copout. While many many folks have these real issues, it's just part of the need for revenge they have never had. There has to be some closure. We have to even the scales before we can truly move on.
> 
> ...


2nutnuf, I can feel your pain as I read this. I do think forgiveness is possible on almost all accounts. The pain and anger can consume anyone but it is very hard on your mental state and your physical health to remain in the hurtful state of mind.

I hear myself as I read your reply as I could have once said the very words that you did but I did seek help. I saw my pain was eating me and I was becoming a bitter hateful person who trusted no one.

Is there any guilt you feel from any of your past situations? Figure that out, deal with it, let it go. Is there any unresolved issues from the past? Deal with it and if that means contacting someone and making an apology do so. Try to see life from the other person's point of view.....did that person intentionally hurt you or do you feel their narcissism or their selfishness lead them to do what they did? Was it about you or about them? Is there anything you could have done different? If so, acknowledge it and if not, let it go.

I have been thru some REAl tough stuff! and by doing as I have just posted here I was able to unravel an awful of the bad that I was holding so close. I can say 27 years after my divorce I still would prefer to not be in the same room as my ex but I am also not going to let his issues cloud my vision. There is a big chance I will be seeing him soon and I have made a plan as to how I will be, how I will carry myself and I have a goal as to what I want if I do see the man. When you prepare your mind it is easier to follow thru that melt into a pile a mush or become angry and hostile.

You can do it!!! Have faith in yourself!


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## now_awake (May 29, 2013)

I know how you feel as I'm dealing with a husband who was unfaithful for years. 

I agree with others that forgiveness is for yourself, not the other person. And it's also a process. I haven't fully forgiven, no way! But I try every day to let go a little more. It certainly doesn't mean that I don't have boundaries. It actually means that I have stronger boundaries and has strengthened the love I have for myself. I won't allow anyone to treat me poorly again.

It's difficult to deal with the resentment some days. I've been put in a position where I have to protect my kids and try to figure out what the best solution is for everyone. I'm taking my time and not making rash decisions. 

I've posted this in another thread about infidelity. It's such an excellent video on forgiveness. 

Jack Kornfield: The Ancient Heart of Forgiveness - YouTube


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I have a lot to say, and share on this subject, but unfortunately not a great deal of time to do so right now.

My belief is that forgiveness is important. Forgiveness is not so much about letting the other person off the hook.

The person who benefits the most from forgiveness is you ... the one who chooses to provide it.

It is an acknowledgement that you can move beyond the strife YOU feel. It cannot best you. It cannot determine the course of your actions. The anger no longer has power over you or controls you.

It's big. It isn't about making someone else feel better. It should only be granted when doing so will make you feel better about who you are, and how you wish to conduct yourself. It's a gift you give yourself, and that others benefit from.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

:/


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

SepticChange said:


> :/


Or you can always put a flaming bag of poop on their front porch .. and then maybe forgive them ... maybe.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

First you have to realize that people now are selfish. They do things to make themselves happy, they don't consider other people's feeling. 

Second, people are not serious about marriages anymore, they are not committed to their marriages anymore. When they are tired of their present partner, it's easy for them to stray. 

You were married to a person who has little moral standards and self-control. Did you see any signs at the beginning of your marriage? For example, when he does things, he only thinks about himself. 

People are imperfect, it's easy for them to fail. It's not surprising that we get hurt by people a lot because we are surrounded by imperfect human beings. Know that they imperfect and it's easy for them to say or do things to hurt you, so don't have high expectation for them. 

Here is an article from a website, it may not be suitable for your situation, but if you have time, please read it and see if you can benefit from it. How to Forgive | Help for the Family


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

I did see signs at the beginning of my marriage actually. In my naivete I wrote it off as him just adjusting to our new life and of course I didn't want to be like a statistical stereotypical young person and just give up that quick.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

ok, if i want to forgive somebody and i cant bring myself to do it because i hold a grudge, i start telling myself that i am a better person than they are. 
i repeat thoughts to myself like...
"I DID NOTHING WRONG, THEY DID!"

that gives me the strength to face them without hating them, and instead start thinking of ways to either get them to repent or ill think of where i want to go from there.

forgetting is a different thing. you will find that you are simply incapable of it if you are still being hurt by it.

for me, that means i cannot forget if i see anything that leads me to believe that the transgression will happen again or that the other person is not making changes to prevent themselves from ever doing it again.

basically, i acknowledge that they are the horrible person for betraying me, and that i am giving them the opportunity to show me that they are willing to change. 

this puts me in control of myself. which allows me to exert as much control as i am capable of on the situation. 

feeling like im in control of my own power and abilities feels a HELL of a lot better than feeling resentment all the time.


if the person doesnt care that they hurt me, i usually have a contingency plan in place of what i will do. again, it leaves me feeling more empowered than the resentment does. 

empowered is a feeling i can do something with.


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## yours4ever (Mar 14, 2013)

say to yourself,

"i am ___emotion here___. 
his behavior hurt me. 
.
it's ok to be angry/hurt/xxxx,
and now i deserve to be happy.
.
i forgive him. 
.
i disengage from __emotion here__.
its ok. i forgive. i deserve to be happy now."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

SepticChange said:


> I did see signs at the beginning of my marriage actually. In my naivete I wrote it off as him just adjusting to our new life and of course I didn't want to be like a statistical stereotypical young person and just give up that quick.


You have knowledge now, don't kick yourself for over looking something in the past. You gave him a chance and that doesn't not reflect poorly on you, his behavior is not about you. His behavior is about him....what he is dealing with, the way his brain is wired, what he likes to do and if it is selfish behavior then it is. We are all entitled to our own choices. You have choices too...how to react to his decisions, what you want with your life, how you allow his actions to effect you (yes, some of it will just comes but then you have to learn how to deal with the emotions. I am not saying let yourself be a doormat and let anyone walk all over you because they can, absolutely not. We can't control the actions of others but we can tell someone that we did not like what they did and we can tell them how their actions effected us. We can also give an ultimatum (if you feel ready and willing to support it), "if this happens again I will_____." We also can ask this person for an apology, I know that might sound crazy to some but many times that is what we need and we do not ask for it as it is something we feel has to come from them. It may be sincere and it may not but we can ask. We can ask for different behavior but again e have to realize people have choice. We can ask for this person to seek professional help with or without us. But all in all we have to look at ourselves as well. What are we doing that could be causing this action? Anything? Am I reacting terribly? and if so why? Communication is very important. I think many times women especially become co-dependent, looking to our mates to fulfill us in some way rather than fulfilling our own needs and I think when we do become so dependent on another to make us happy and meet our expectations we set ourselves up for failure. We have failed ourselves and hurt ourselves unknowingly.

We think that being there for everyone is the answer, we think that being the planner, the nurturer, the housekeeper, cook, taxi driver, the person who makes sacrifices to make everyone else happy is somehow right for us and should be respected by others but it is not. We put ourselves in a position to be taken advantage of when we do this. Everyone has their own responsibilities and we cannot take those on for them, they have to do their share, otherwise the relationship becomes unbalanced.

Own what is yours, learn from your mistakes, see how the things you have done or said made an influence on others and work to change that is that is the only thing you can do, is change yourself. I think if we do not look at ourselves and try to make ourselves a whole person we will only continue to find the same destruction whether we stay in the same marriage or move onto another. Every person is wounded by their past.


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> I am very interested in this. I cannot forgive. I never had any sort of revenge that I hoped. I have no answers, only best guesses and what I saw, which wasn't much. She will not speak with me. I cannot speak with the AP. I have so much anger for the AP and my ex, it's incredible. It does eat me up. There is not enough that I could do to relieve this anger.
> 
> I have come to believe that many people who say they have forgiven, don't truly forgive. They say the issues of anger and bitterness they have inside, are "emotional issues caused by an abusive spouse". Sometimes, I think that's a bit of a copout. While many many folks have these real issues, it's just part of the need for revenge they have never had. There has to be some closure. We have to even the scales before we can truly move on.
> 
> ...


Agreed,

Being a vindictive person myself, I have noticed that no amount of revenge i have done eased the pain.

Zoloft helped take a lot of that anger away and let me direct that energy towards better things.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

I find it hard to not forgive. That doesn’t mean I forget or I don’t expect some measure of penance. Im not arrogant enough to say I would never do something. We all have made mistakes. No one is perfect and I know I am not perfect. We all change and evolve over time. It’s the human experience. I know here the focus is on infidelity but lets face it, the day you got married your spouse wasn’t planning x amount of years later having an affair and forever changing the course of at least two lives.

To me personally when I hear that someone cant forgive it more driven out of fear than anything. Afraid to get hurt, to be let down one more time. We all have demons we cant shake. If I couldn’t forgive the world would be an awfully lonely place. I have made plenty of mistakes in my years. No really I have made a mistake or two hehe. The people who I affected didn’t have to forgive me. They chose to, just I have chosen to forgive people who have hurt me. Most of the time the benefits of forgiving have far outweighed not forgiving. 

Im not a person who lives in the past a great deal, I got too much I want to do and too little time to sit and dwell on a hurt from years ago and I see too much of that in people. My best friends wife cheated on him 14 years ago, they divorced right after. All these years later he still holds onto that hurt and he wont let it go. He has never had another relationship he wont allow himself to be hurt again. He is stuck in time for lack of a better way to put it. My stbx blew up my life 10 months ago and while I am no where near ready inside to start a different relationship or have processed the hurt fully. Well to have that feeling again of being in love again. Ill take the chance. 

My stbx is someone who in the past couldn't forgive, she could never let go of anything. She rarely thought she ever made a mistake, she couldn't take the responsibility of being wrong. Before she decided to have an affair she wondered why she didn't have many friends anymore, she couldn't see she drove them away because "she was perfect" Now she sits in a little apartment all alone wondering why she is alone. She is too arrogant to ask for forgiveness or too afraid that I would actually give it. Either way my hurt will lessen over time. Hers will keep her stuck and never grow.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i have always felt that the inability to forgive stems from focusing on the horrible feelings of being betrayed instead of thinking about the feeling of personal strength of being able to just look at someone and realize that you did nothing to deserve it, and that they are the ones who deserve to feel like crap. 

or, at least, thats what works for me. 
i enjoy knowing that i was in the right and i didnt deserve what i got. 

after dwelling on those thoughts, i feel like i am in control. maybe im a megalomaniac, feeling like i am above them, but it makes it easy for me to forgive them and see if they really regret what they did.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

I lost my and marriage and the woman I love. It’s the only thing I ever cared about so yes its all I lost and it’s the only thing that truly mattered to me. I lost the greatest prize I ever had. She is the only woman I ever dated, only person I ever loved. The only person I gave that part of we all hold back from the world access to. 

She has done nothing but lash out at me since she left, she has lied to everyone, spread the rumors, attacked my job done just about every hateful act she can. Its been nothing short of brutal. Mine doesn’t even have the courage to do it directly, its always thru somebody stuff like that. My divorce isn’t finalized yet either and monetarily it will cost me plenty. She will get a financial reward for her deceit and if that makes her happy finally, well it just shows how petty she is. 

I cant say I have never gotten angry, I haven’t thought about revenge, of course I have. Can I forgive her for all the acts, I will. It means that I will accept her for the person she is. I have taken her best shots and I am still standing and if she choses to hold onto her lies and anger I just feel sorry for her more than anything. I didn’t leave for another person. She made the choice that my life and they way we lived wasn’t good enough for her and she didn’t care enough to even say she was unhappy. She cared that little to start with why would she ask for forgiveness now or admit the truth? 

She wants me to be mad at her, be the bad guy, she wants to be able to show the world her “holy quest” is the correct path for her. I am choosing not to play the game. Do I want my old life back, yeah sure. But if she was truly that miserable in it then no I don’t want it back. I forgave myself for what I could have done better, I did what I thought best at the time. I cant hold onto regret and looking back is foolish. We can all make the correct decision looking back. I can forgive her because she isn’t willing to learn from her mistakes and take ownership of anything. I accept she doesn’t have the ability to do the hard work needed to repair anything and I cant do it alone. 

I don’t know maybe at the end I have forgiven myself more than anything. Looking back in my little life I don’t think I have ever flat out asked to be forgiven. I have always owned my mistakes worked to rectify them and let my actions speak. She has always chosen to run and let someone else clean up the mess. I also know that by me forgiving her it just fuels her anger more because she doesn’t have the capacity to understand what forgiveness really is.

I have seen too many of my friends over the years hold onto anger, resentment because of divorce. They keep themselves stuck in time because they wont let it go, they cant move forward. They are afraid to get hurt again and they hold onto the past to protect themselves. My wife has gutted me. I will move forward and rebuild my life without her and I will hopefully someday find another to share my life and not carry the past into a new relationship


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I applaud you for wanting to change for the better!! It takes a very strong and wise person to correct a character flaw in themselves.

Can you try IC? I had IC years ago and my counselor told me that when one want's to replace a negative behavior they HAVE to replace it with a positive one. Doing this retrains the brain thus changing your behavior.

Try reading all you can on Forgiveness, even if your not a Christian. Some Christian books can give you mental exercises to do. 

Is there something in your past that has maybe contributed to your lack of forgiveness? 

Kudos to you and the best of Luck!!


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Individual counseling doesn't seem to be helping me much. I went earlier this year before the breakdown of my marriage and it just felt like I was venting to let things out and not really help solve anything. I started up again 2 weeks ago and I didn't feel hopeful at all. Again, it felt like I was just going to a venting session. I don't need that. I have friends to vent to plus I can do it here. He just told me all that I already knew..."you can't hold onto anger" "this depression is temporary" yadda yadda yadda...


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