# Nymphomania/Loyalty



## RandomDude

My wife is extremely passionate, and consistently so over the years. Although she has proven herself to me in terms of her loyalty and commitment as well, it does make me wonder now how is that really possible? With her high sex drive it seems probable that she can easily find an excuse to cheat however over the years it seems I've been getting all the constant attention and considering the frequency and transparency from her part - there's not even one red flag I can pin on her.

She also rejects me sharing her or threesomes or her going out on adventures. Bringing THAT up starts a fight normally. She hates it, and says she's done all that in the past. I also find it curious how for 2 years in her life (before she met me), she managed to live without sex or masturbation - this was when she converted to Christianity.

Yet she was explosive with sexual energy as soon as we got together, and it hasn't changed one bit. Now I'm not accusing her on anything, I'm just curious how she does it - she won't give me a straight or satisfying answer, either than inflating my ego/expressing her love/etc etc. I don't think she even knows herself.


----------



## larry.gray

I'm of the opposite gender, but I do have an insane drive. I can tell you that it is possible to only want one person, ever in spite of the very high drive.


----------



## RandomDude

And it's something I don't understand, she's HD and loyal. Me... my thoughts wander to other women quite easily and my drive ain't nearly as high (also suspected reason why HER drive was so high). I commit to her loyally but it's not always a natural thing for me, sometimes I find myself distracted or at bad times -> robbed of my desire for my wife (never for long however, it just comes and goes)

I had assumed that insecurity played a part in her HD. I was hoping that the frequency would be more manageable once I stopped being an a$$ and helped her heal and convince her that I'm not going anywhere. Well, NO CHANGE... and it's been months of monitoring results.

We're back to square one with our sex life, only difference now is that she's no longer rude with her demands and I no longer complain about it... much. I'm cool with it, don't get me wrong. I just can't wrap a finger around her -> she still has some mystery in her even after all these years.


----------



## Cosmos

What makes you think your W is a nymphomaniac? Her HD alone doesn't indicate any more of an unhealthy preoccupation with sex than a man's HD makes him satyriasis. 

I also don't know why you're pushing her boundaries by suggesting threesomes, nor questioning her self-pleasuring habits before she met you. Enjoy what you have together. There are lots of men here who would envy you!


----------



## RandomDude

Just trying to understand her because I'm confused at times and she won't give me a straight answer or simply doesn't have one. heh


----------



## Stonewall

She probably doesn't know the answer!


----------



## Bobby5000

You're saying you are confused???? Did I come on this late since you wrote, "She also rejects me sharing her or threesomes or her going out on adventures." You have a marriage but want to share her, you think she is attractive but want to be with others. You screw with her head and confuse the hell out of her, and now you can't figure her out. 

One obvious answer is that she wants you to love only her and is trying to show her affection and get self-validation.


----------



## RandomDude

Looks like we confuse the hell outta each other in that case heh
And no, I don't want to be with others, but I'm still a man and still respond to "visual stimuli".


----------



## Cosmos

RandomDude said:


> Looks like we confuse the hell outta each other in that case heh
> And no, I don't want to be with others, but I'm still a man and still respond to "visual stimuli".


Nothing wrong responding to visual stimuli. Women respond to it, too, but we're hardwired to not let our men know this


----------



## RandomDude

Cosmos said:


> Nothing wrong responding to visual stimuli. Women respond to it, too, but we're hardwired to not let our men know this


Yet you tell us men off for doing so lol


----------



## Cosmos

RandomDude said:


> Yet you tell us men off for doing so lol


There's a difference between a glance of appreciation and an ogle The former is natural, the latter is disrespectful to one's partner/spouse.


----------



## diwali123

I'm very HD and I have no desire for other people. I don't understand what being HD has to do with cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Fine fine, ok I'll believe my wife.


----------



## Holland

I am a HD woman but was in a marriage with a LD man for many years. I never cheated in the marriage and eventually my drive just disappeared. I loved him through most of the marriage but eventually I had to end it to be true to myself, but I believe in ending one before starting the next. So even though I am HD I was able to be loyal to him.

Guess what I am saying is that it is possible to be loyal even when HD if everything else in the relationship is OK but eventually the love fades with continual rejection.

Now I am with a HD man and life has far more balance. He watches porn and looks at other women but I don't have a problem with that, he is an adult and can look at whatever he wants to.


----------



## MarriedWifeInLove

I'm very HD and my husband used to be. 

For reasons beyond his control, I now find myself still HD and he's in the MD-LD range some of the time due to health reasons.

But, I still don't cheat or even think about cheating. I still just want him. And only him.

When I can't have him I take care of things myself and wistfully long for the way they used to be while knowing they will NEVER be that way again.

But life changes and nothing is forever no matter how hard you wished it was.

But cheat on him...never. Just masturbate more!


----------



## Bobby5000

I think most successfully married people realize you don't just open your mouth and tell your spouse any thought that comes into your head. 

Husband Hunny, I like this crab appetizer. Isn't that 20 year old blonde cute. If I weren't married, I'd be going over that table and see if I bring her home. 

Wife How's your job coming. I notice that a lot of my woman friends have husbands more successful, with better cars and nicer houses. But don't worry, I've kind of resigned myself to having a spouse with average earning capacity. 

Ideally, you want to treat your spouse better than the average person you see during a week. Want to be totally honest, fine, tell someone at a ****tail party he or she is boring, because you aren't going to be spending the next decade with that person.


----------



## dubbizle

Hey She chose you and a millions guys would die to have your wife so enjoy every minute of her and do every wild freaky thing that you both like to do in the bedroom and stop asking why.


----------



## moxy

I'm very HD, but would rather suffer in celibacy than cheat (I did this up yo a year at a time while stbxh and I were long-distance); it takes commitment to the person to endure it. Maybe you're wife just loves you enough not to cheat, regardless of whether or not she's sexually fulfilled. No taking care of the self once in a while, though? That's a whole new level of patience, I think.


----------



## larry.gray

RandomDude said:


> Looks like we confuse the hell outta each other in that case heh
> And no, I don't want to be with others, but I'm still a man and still respond to "visual stimuli".


When my needs are being met, I really don't notice women. For a while they weren't being met and I did. Now that things are good again, I'm noticing less and less.


----------



## *LittleDeer*

Bobby5000 said:


> You're saying you are confused???? Did I come on this late since you wrote, "She also rejects me sharing her or threesomes or her going out on adventures." You have a marriage but want to share her, you think she is attractive but want to be with others. You screw with her head and confuse the hell out of her, and now you can't figure her out.
> 
> One obvious answer is that she wants you to love only her and is trying to show her affection and get self-validation.


I agree with this, and do believe one day that your wife will tire of you.

She clearly wants a deeply committed man who loves her and who can focus his attention and affection on her. One who wants to be completely monogamous.

You make her insecure, and I think you enjoy it. However this gets very tiring for a woman, and one day she may find a man who has great values and convictions and offers her the stability she can't get from you.

JMO


----------



## johnnycomelately

RandomDude said:


> My wife is extremely passionate, and consistently so over the years. Although she has proven herself to me in terms of her loyalty and commitment as well, it does make me wonder now how is that really possible? With her high sex drive it seems probable that she can easily find an excuse to cheat however over the years it seems I've been getting all the constant attention and considering the frequency and transparency from her part - there's not even one red flag I can pin on her.
> 
> She also rejects me sharing her or threesomes or her going out on adventures. Bringing THAT up starts a fight normally. She hates it, and says she's done all that in the past. I also find it curious how for 2 years in her life (before she met me), she managed to live without sex or masturbation - this was when she converted to Christianity.
> 
> Yet she was explosive with sexual energy as soon as we got together, and it hasn't changed one bit. Now I'm not accusing her on anything, I'm just curious how she does it - she won't give me a straight or satisfying answer, either than inflating my ego/expressing her love/etc etc. I don't think she even knows herself.


They are just better than us Random.


----------



## iBolt

RandomDude said:


> Looks like we confuse the hell outta each other in that case heh
> And no, I don't want to be with others, but I'm still a man and still respond to "visual stimuli".


...and you suggest a threesome to your WIFE?!!! Are you ok bud?! Looking is one thing, saying what goes on in your head is another but to say it to your wife (especially sharing her & yourself with someone else) is either careless or irresponsible. 

I suggest you get over your insecurities or suspicions. Some people are just wired that way - my wife is. I can NEVER mentally and emotionally meet her sexual needs (heaven knows I try) but I am grateful that she wants me. Many folks on here would love to be in your position. If this is the only problem you have in your marriage, then I am not sure exactly what that problem is.


----------



## iBolt

RandomDude said:


> Looks like we confuse the hell outta each other in that case heh
> And no, I don't want to be with others, *but I'm still a man and still respond to "visual stimuli".*


:scratchhead: Errmm, you "respond to visual stimuli" (insinuation included) because you are cool with wandering eyes and a roaming mind (many people are) NOT because you are a man. We all look around us but we do not necessarily SEE eye candy. I know it is hard but it is possible to discipline oneself to ONLY SEE one's partner and none else.


----------



## Runs like Dog

Most people who cheat cant or won't specifically go after some perfectly ideal beauty. They go after what they can. So the fact that the streets are littered with hot chicks and beefcake is superfluous. Why would they want your spouse anyway. And if there really is such a thing as sex addiction or nymphomania, and I personally don't think there is, they're going to bang the first thing they find.


----------



## johnnycomelately

iBolt said:


> I know it is hard but it is possible to discipline oneself to ONLY SEE one's partner and none else.


I think it is unrealistic and undesireable to try and pretend that we won't be attracted to anyone other than our partner. The problem is that when you do have a crush on someone, which is inevitable during a 40+ year marriage, you think there is something wrong with your relationship and don't see it for the natural phenomenon that it is. 

We need to be more mature and relaxed about attraction to others. My wife and I discuss who we find attractive all the time and I am convinced this openness helps to keep us faithful.


----------



## FirstYearDown

High drive does not equal nymphomania.

I was promiscuous while I was single and my drive is much higher than most women's. 

The mere thought of cheating on my husband makes me sick. I only want him to see me naked much less make love to me. I am very loyal to him because I take my vows very seriously. 

A woman can learn from her past and do better.


----------



## iBolt

johnnycomelately said:


> I think it is unrealistic and undesireable to try and pretend that we won't be attracted to anyone other than our partner. The problem is that when you do have a crush on someone, which is inevitable during a 40+ year marriage, you think there is something wrong with your relationship and don't see it for the natural phenomenon that it is.
> 
> We need to be more mature and relaxed about attraction to others. My wife and I discuss who we find attractive all the time and I am convinced this openness helps to keep us faithful.


I think you overlook the word "discipline" in my post or if not, you've taken it too lightly. Discipline in fact recognises the fact that there is a natural (and yes, realistic) urge but one is choosing a better way for him/herself and those whom their actions affect. I am not supposing that I will not notice a beautiful woman. I appreciate her but I can discipline myself to think "yeah she's looks lovely but my wife is more ....." You dig?


----------



## Cosmos

iBolt said:


> I think you overlook the word "discipline" in my post or if not, you've taken it too lightly. Discipline in fact recognises the fact that there is a natural (and yes, realistic) urge but one is choosing a better way for him/herself and those whom their actions affect. I am not supposing that I will not notice a beautiful woman. I appreciate her but I can discipline myself to think "yeah she's looks lovely but my wife is more ....." You dig?


:iagree:

I'd also like to add that it isn't necessary for a spouse or partner to know how attractive we may find another member of the opposite sex. The only thing that is necessary is that we don't act on it, nor draw undue attention to it.


----------



## Ayla

I don't equate HD with being indiscriminate. I love sex but I want quality sex in a committed relationship. I want intimacy and random sex might make me O but the intimacy and the real pure joy of sex (for me anyway) is the intimacy...this is our private thing. We belong to each other. I would be hurt if my husband casually offered to share me.


----------



## iBolt

RandomDude's gone quiet. Methinks he got the message


----------



## johnnycomelately

iBolt said:


> I think you overlook the word "discipline" in my post or if not, you've taken it too lightly. Discipline in fact recognises the fact that there is a natural (and yes, realistic) urge but one is choosing a better way for him/herself and those whom their actions affect. I am not supposing that I will not notice a beautiful woman. I appreciate her but I can discipline myself to think "yeah she's looks lovely but my wife is more ....." You dig?


I was confused by your use of the word 'see' not 'discipline'.


----------



## RandomDude

iBolt said:


> RandomDude's gone quiet. Methinks he got the message


I did


----------



## iBolt

RandomDude said:


> I did


Sorry if I seemed a little harsh or judgmental. Good luck and enjoy each other.:smthumbup:


----------



## bahbahsheep

Just trust and dont ask any questions unless you have found evidence suggesting otherwise - that way it would at least prevent you from going insane imagining the possibilities of it going awry.

If you keep suspecting, you cant even lead a normal life at work etc, it is just unhealthy.


----------



## donny64

RandomDude said:


> My wife is extremely passionate, and consistently so over the years. Although she has proven herself to me in terms of her loyalty and commitment as well, it does make me wonder now how is that really possible? With her high sex drive it seems probable that she can easily find an excuse to cheat however over the years it seems I've been getting all the constant attention and considering the frequency and transparency from her part - there's not even one red flag I can pin on her.
> 
> She also rejects me sharing her or threesomes or her going out on adventures. Bringing THAT up starts a fight normally. She hates it, and says she's done all that in the past. I also find it curious how for 2 years in her life (before she met me), she managed to live without sex or masturbation - this was when she converted to Christianity.
> 
> Yet she was explosive with sexual energy as soon as we got together, and it hasn't changed one bit. Now I'm not accusing her on anything, I'm just curious how she does it - she won't give me a straight or satisfying answer, either than inflating my ego/expressing her love/etc etc. I don't think she even knows herself.


Dude, congratulations...you've got a wife who is HOT for you. No big mystery here...she is hot for YOU. Whatever it is the two of you have, you give her what she wants and needs. Let it go. If there are no "red flags" as you say, then just enjoy it. 

My W is the same. To hear her tell of her past marriage and relationships, I'd have thought her a cold, low drive prude. But with me she seems almost "nymphomaniac" like. We lucked on the "jackpot". Seems maybe you have too. Enjoy the phucking ride...no pun intended!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

*LittleDeer* said:


> I agree with this, and do believe one day that your wife will tire of you.
> 
> She clearly wants a deeply committed man who loves her and who can focus his attention and affection on her. One who wants to be completely monogamous.
> 
> You make her insecure, *and I think you enjoy it*. However this gets very tiring for a woman, and one day she may find a man who has great values and convictions and offers her the stability she can't get from you.
> 
> JMO


:iagree:

And the irony about all of this is that he cheated on her before.


----------



## TheCrunch

RandomDude said:


> I did


Good -coz if it ain't broke, don't fix it!


----------



## TheCrunch

Jellybeans said:


> :iagree:
> 
> And the irony about all of this is that he cheated on her before.


Ohhhh, really - well now it's starting to make sense.


----------



## Cee Paul

My ex was a total freak in the bedroom and was kinky as hell which I of course loved as a man, but it always made me think WHERE did she learn to do all this stuff so well and with whom. :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

You love her for being a freaky but also feel weird about it/insecure/want to know where she got the moves from?

Why not be happy?

I don't understand people sometimes. They confuse me so much.


----------



## TheCrunch

Cee Paul said:


> My ex was a total freak in the bedroom and was kinky as hell which I of course loved as a man, but it always made me think WHERE did she learn to do all this stuff so well and with whom. :scratchhead:


Far easier said than done but I guess in these circumstances, as long as you are now the ONLY person benefiting from her past sexual experiences, try and let it go, gain some peace of mind for yourself and just enjoy.


----------



## RandomDude

No Jellybeans, I do not enjoy making my wife insecure. Thank you for your 'vote of confidence' regardless -.-

As for cheating, my wife is over it now mostly. It happened years ago before marriage, and it was a drunken one-night-stand that I can't even remember cheating in - but went with whatever people at that party told me and what my wife (gf at the time) accused me of. The sad thing is I probably didn't even do it but I accept responsibility for it regardless after all these years.


----------



## Cee Paul

TheCrunch said:


> Far easier said than done but I guess in these circumstances, as long as you are now the ONLY person benefiting from her past sexual experiences, try and let it go, gain some peace of mind for yourself and just enjoy.


Apparently you missed the word "ex" in my response - lol. :lol:


----------



## Cosmos

Cee Paul said:


> My ex was a total freak in the bedroom and was kinky as hell which I of course loved as a man, but it always made me think WHERE did she learn to do all this stuff so well and with whom. :scratchhead:


Sometimes women just can't win. :scratchhead:


----------



## RandomDude

Hell the missus did it professionally in her youth before she met me and she didn't need the money at all, thankfully the agencies and her herself took care of her body despite the number.

I'm at peace with that, mostly...


----------



## Cee Paul

I was perfectly ok with all the wild sex my ex brought to the table but it was just something I was not used to; because the few girls I'd been with before her never used to in the spur of the moment just jump up on the kitchen counter and say - "bang the hell out of me....NOW", or ask me to pick any position I wanted to do it in and wouldn't ever say no to whatever it was.


----------

