# Husband stays out late without me



## cadence2445

Hi, This is my first time posting on a message board because overall I consider my husband to be awesome, and we have a great marriage. 

Of course we have arguments sometimes, but he is kind, loving, caring, treats me very well and we communicate a lot.

But this is something I don't want to talk to him about in part because we've talked about it before, and I want to get an outside perspective without asking a friend or someone we know. 

Whenever we go out together, we have a great night, and anywhere between 11:30pm and 12:45am I get tired and want to come home. 

I usually push myself to stay out later than I want to to let him have a good time. But we aren't 21 anymore (we are in our late 30s) and I feel like that's a reasonable time to go home.

And now I'm 22 weeks pregnant. I don't want to be a wet blanket so I tell him "I'm going to go now, I'm tired." 

He used to just kiss me goodbye and say "Okay babe, be safe, I'll walk you to your Uber." and come home a couple hours later. 

I ended up super mad one night when I'd been super sick with morning sickness (that lasted til night for three months) and he was very begrudgingly coming with me after midnight, when everyone else was nearly gone and even the hosts were hinting we should go. 

Well after that big fight he came home with me, but the last two times we were out he did not. 

The difference is this time I told him he could stay out without me. So I know most of you will say that's on me, and I get that. But the truth is, I want him to want to come home with me. 

I want him to want to come home with his pregnant wife when the party or wedding or night out with friends is almost done, and I don't understand why those last 20 minutes or last couple hours is so important to him. It makes me feel alone, abandoned, stupid and boring for leaving by myself EVERY time, like he cares more about the party than me. 

I know I might be emotional because I'm pregnant, but this bothered me before I was pregnant. Do you think a guy should go home with his wife (if I'm not leaving at like 9 or super early, if I'm leaving at a reasonably late time)? Why does he always choose to stay? 

PS Sometimes he comes home 10 min after me and says he wishes he'd left with me and it annoys me more, because we've just paid for two Ubers and I have been sent home alone for nothing.


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## EleGirl

Yea, he should come home with you. 

Is this your first child?

Your life is changing. By "your" I mean that both of your lives are changing. When the baby comes, what's your social life going to look like? Are the two of you going to get baby sitters and go out as much as you do now and stay out late? Most couples have to change their socializing quite a bit after they have children. What's going on right now is setting a precedent that he will get to have a social life without you, and you will be the one who is always home with the kid(s).

How long have the two of you been married? 

How much time a week do the two of you spend together, just the two of you, doing date like things, just the two of you? (quality time)


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## Spicy

Shame on him. He should absolutely come home with you!


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## In Absentia

Maybe he is trying to fully enjoy his life before he gets "stuck" with the child? He could stay out late before... when the baby comes, he probably won't do that again. Having said that, if you are in your late thirties, it's a rather immature thing to do, especially now that you are pregnant.


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## Mrs Doubt

From the flip side, my husband is the one who always wants to leave things early.

I don't think I have ever stayed without him because I like going home with him. There are times I wish we could have stayed longer (like missing my friend's first dance) and although I've been cross for a while it hasn't lasted and I don't resent him for it.

If you've spoken about it before, maybe it is time to now be more forceful. 

Do you wait up for him after?

Apply the situation to post baby birth, ask him if he intends to always have this role.


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## aquarius1

I agree with Mrs Doubt. If there is one thing that I have learned the hard way its that you had better COMMUNICATE in no uncertain terms what your expectations are.

Men are often oblivious to things only because their brains don't work that way (some men, not all). 
To say that you want him to want to is a challenge you will face your entire relationship with this one.

Make it clear. I want this. I don't want that. DO this. Not that. Don't be whiny or grumpy about it. Don't accuse or threaten. State facts. Do this. Do that. Don't do this or that.

If you don't, he will think that you are cool with all this and you will be stuck with this baby while he is out.

Men sometimes just can't relate to how life changing a pregnancy and baby is. Many men simply lack empathy. Make sure he knows. 
Please stop assuming that he'll figure this out on his own. Help him out. If he continues on his path after you have made yourself clear then I guess you know where you stand.


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## rugswept

unfortunately his behavior is not maturing as your relationship takes on much more responsibility and significance. having a child is the greatest gift in life. those who fail to feel that or understand it are generally selfish and into themselves. 

he's not acting like a father to be and he's still in this party mode frame of mind that should have been ending when you were in your late twenties. simply stated: he's not growing up. he's not progressing. 

yes, you should be concerned.


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## lovelygirl

I'm afraid your husband will be a life-time teenager. It's immature to LET HIS PREGNANT WIFE ALONE in Uber instead of leaving *with *her. 

I'm afraid he'll want to go clubbing even after the child is born. 

I personally know a lot of guys who are in their 40s, married to gorgeous wives and have kids but leave these alone at home while going out with mates for drinks, from club to club. 
They even go out most days of the week, especially during the weekend they won't leave 'til the party's over. And no.... they don't take their wives. It's just 3-4 married males mixed with single ones who you hardly ever see with other people or their respective SOs. They always come early and never leave earlier.

The sad truth of some immature 40ish guys out there.


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## SunCMars

The thing is....

He is in his late thirties, his pattern of thinking and behaving are set in place, hopefully not in stone.

It will be hard for him to change. 

Believe this.
Expect this.

Some here call him immature, I call him settled in to his socializing ways.

The title says it all, the husband likes to party.

My take?

Husbands are most likely to stray when their wives are pregnant and when sex is often curtailed or cut off.

My advice? 

Voice your concerns, take care of his sexual needs, so he does not feel the selfish need to get 'it' elsewhere.

Try not to let him to go out unaccompanied, if possible. He may be tempted to stray.

At this stage of pregnancy that is a hard thing to do. He should not let you go home alone, or leave you at home alone, especially in your condition. 

All this waves about red flag behavior. Selfish behavior.


LMc -


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## Tilted 1

I am a aged male and through the role of father hood youngest is 30 and, his needs to grow into his role now and man up so to speak.

And needs to honor his new role of marriage, if he doesn't know buy him a book what to expect as in becoming a new father. Or does he have a good father figure in his life?

But yes he should be with you and mature as most of us do. This is the way of life for the both of you bring him up to speed.


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## CraigBesuden

My wife’s grandparents would drink 2-3 martinis a day. My in-laws called them alcoholics. When grandpa died, grandma immediately stopped drinking. We learned that he only agreed to stay home with her if she’d drink with him. She has neuropathy in her feet from all the alcohol.

I’d like to hit the bars, too. My wife has no interest in it. Once in a while we do a Boys Night Out, but that’s about it. A married man with a pregnant wife should be at home.

Alcohol is cheaper at home than at the bar. Much cheaper.


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## Openminded

His desire to socialize trumps wanting to come home with you when you're ready to leave. Could he change after the baby's born? Possibly but don't count on it. This is who he is.


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