# Could it be a porn or sex addiction....?



## fallen_angel

Husband claims to have a low sex drive due to blood pressure medication, pain killers, stress, etc.... but it's recently been brought to my attention that he could have a porn addiction, or worse, a sexual addiction. I'm not sure how or if I'll really find the answers I want or need.... he says he will seek therapy to save our marriage. He hasn't admitted to having a problem... but something just isn't right. Again, I know I have a few other posts, but I'm trying to figure things out without being over bearing to my husband. I've never had to deal with anything like this. Wives, how did you cope with this issue? Husbands, how did you resolve this issue? And both, was you marriage or relationship salvageable....? What's your story? 

Also, I know the obvious answer would be to talk to him directly, but it's hard to get a straight answer or the truth from him....

Thanks.


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## southern_girl

I am new here and will definitely be watching this thread! I just found out a few weeks ago that my husband has a porn addiction. It has really blown me away! I snooped around for a while figuring it was a coworker but when I found the sites in google he admitted and made an appointment with a counselor the next day. To tell you the truth right now I don't think I will every trust him with a computer/phone again but I am still very hurt.


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## Regga

So what makes you think it's a porn or sex addiction? Have you found pic's, video's or chats? 
My DH has a porn addiction. I didn't find out until after we were married. I knew he liked looking at porn, but I didn't realize how often and what kind of porn it was. I was devastated. Felt like I had been deceived. 
Porn is not something I seek out and have found it destructive with prior relationships. 
I confronted DH and was upset. It's been 3 years since I discovered his addiction...he's been addicted since he was 9...so for 20+ years he's been struggling...overnight change wasn't going to happen. 
We've tried many different approaches to dealing with this addiction: 1) abstinence from technology, which seems to make it worse when he falls; 2) anonymous support groups, which requires dedication; 3) counseling, which we're doing now; and 4) joining an online support program, Candeo. All require immense dedicationand commitment. We haven't been dedicated as we each try to sweep it under the rug. Because he feels dirty for having this addiction and it's so easily accessible, he doesn't talk about it and becomes embarrassed when I ask. But I ask him about it...sometimes. 
It's easy for us to get wrapped up in life and forget about battling this addiction. More recently, the addiction became worse. It led to him to have an EA and PA. There are SOOO many reasons this happened, not just his addiction. It was largely neglect on our marital connection (had a baby and life seriously changed). 
MC, IC and Candeo are part of our recovery plan. Only time will tell how things turn out but I do think this horrible and destructive addiction can be controlled. I still love my husband and want a relationship with him.
Keeping an open dialogue about our struggles has also helped us. 
I hope my example has given you some help to understanding and coping strageties. The best thing you can do for yourself is to become educated and seek help. When you have facts and knowledge you grow and learn it's not your fault. It gives you the tools you need to decide how to cope. Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964

Have a look at the links in my signature. My husband is a sex addict, 2.5 years 'sober'.


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## setinmyways

porn addiction? im new to this site. I'm a male and I look at porn alot at times, I think. what is considered a porn addictin? I dont understand what you mean sober for 2.5 years.. I grew up with addicts ( cocaine and meth) so the word sober to me means being clean from a very dangerous drug not from mature content on the internet. my wife knows I watch porn never caught me or seen my web history but my love life has slowed down, does this mean I'm addicted to porn ?


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## EleGirl

setinmyways said:


> porn addiction? im new to this site. I'm a male and I look at porn alot at times, I think. what is considered a porn addictin? I dont understand what you mean sober for 2.5 years.. I grew up with addicts ( cocaine and meth) so the word sober to me means being clean from a very dangerous drug not from mature content on the internet. my wife knows I watch porn never caught me or seen my web history but my love life has slowed down, does this mean I'm addicted to porn ?


Porn addiction generally refers to using port to the point that it's use interferes with the user's life. For example a person who prefers to use porn to having sex with a willing spouse.

Here is a link that explains how the brain processes this as compared to processing some addictive drugs. Remember that in addiction, it’s not the drug itself but the affect it has on brain chemistry that is the goal of taking the drug .

Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn.


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## aquajay

fallen_angel said:


> Husband claims to have a low sex drive due to blood pressure medication, pain killers, stress, etc.... but it's recently been brought to my attention that he could have a porn addiction, or worse, a sexual addiction. I'm not sure how or if I'll really find the answers I want or need.... he says he will seek therapy to save our marriage. He hasn't admitted to having a problem... but something just isn't right. Again, I know I have a few other posts, but I'm trying to figure things out without being over bearing to my husband. I've never had to deal with anything like this. Wives, how did you cope with this issue? Husbands, how did you resolve this issue? And both, was you marriage or relationship salvageable....? What's your story?
> 
> Also, I know the obvious answer would be to talk to him directly, but it's hard to get a straight answer or the truth from him....
> 
> Thanks.


What "evidence" have you found, or what makes you think he's addicted? 

My ex had a sexual addiction and I had a very hard time coming to terms with it. He barely had respect for me when it came to being physical and he relied mostly on the internet and I think he was cheating on me too. I never did get the answer to my questions and never knew what the scoop was for sure. I had to leave that relationship because it couldn't be saved.

Just make sure you know what is happening, and be sure not to accuse him of something he isn't doing. Yes, it does need to come from the horse's mouth and he may not feel like he can share it with you. 

I'd suggest you let him know what you've "noticed", how it is affecting you and how you feel about it. It's up to him what he does with the information.

I'd suggest counselling to work through it. Hang in there! I feel your pain.


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## Sunbubble

I did not think I had an issue with it, until I started reading into the current "porn overload" trends, it is still too early to tell why would your husband mention counceling while you feel that there are no sounds reasons for it, however once has to take the time spent on porn sites as a serious signal...How does he feel if you offer watching it together?


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## themagicalbeing2013

I do watch porn sometimes, but I don't prefer that over sex.. Is the issue with the addiction that the sex is just gone from the relationship?
How do you think that watching porn is?


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