# Sharing the kids?



## PDJOVER (Mar 11, 2008)

My W and I are seperating. She will be moving out in about a week. We have agreed on a 50/50 in regards to time with the kids.

My question is, what makes the most sense as to the dynamics of such an arrangement. One week on and one off seems a little too long of a time period apart.

One good thing is that we are only going to be 3 blocks away. That may be the bad thing too.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I'm sorry to hear you are separating. You both know your children the best, so I really think it should depend on what will be least disruptive for them. I have friends that divorced and lived down the street from one another so week on/week off worked for them. I think the least disruption to the children's schedule is best. They need consistency especially during the school year for homework, sports, activities etc. I'm glad you both came to agreement on the 50/50. I hope you are still forging ahead with your refocus on your health/weight.


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## PDJOVER (Mar 11, 2008)

Thanks for the thoughts Swedish. I am trying to get a handle on this.

I have not had a drink in almost 3 months and am continuing my diest and excercise. I have lost 53 lbs so far.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

You are enbarking on a noble road as the kids get a bit older your'll have to figure out who has primary residence. Any time with the kids should be good, make the most of it and try to work with your soon to be ex about giving your kids a smooth transition.

draconis


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

PDJOVER said:


> I have not had a drink in almost 3 months and am continuing my diest and excercise. I have lost 53 lbs so far.


:smthumbup:


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## PDJOVER (Mar 11, 2008)

Thanks Swedish.


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## PDJOVER (Mar 11, 2008)

Hi all,
I have worked out a schedule to give to my W for custody of the kids.

Mon - W
Tue - W
Wed - Me
Thu - Me
Fri thru Sun - Alternating wekends.

Does this sound fair to the kids? Or is it to much disruption.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

If the kids like it then it sounds perfect.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

that sounds good and it will give the kids the love they need from both. Sounds like you both have the kids best interest in mind, that is GREAT! 

Sorry for the divorce, but at least you both are being civil about it, which is good.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

They switch homes once a week then? That sounds like a good plan...I think, too, since you are living so close that you will both be able to attend their activities, etc. so all around considering the circumstances I think they will adjust well providing you both remain amicable.


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## Andrea (Sep 11, 2007)

PDJOVER said:


> Hi all,
> I have worked out a schedule to give to my W for custody of the kids.
> 
> Mon - W
> ...


This is the exact same schedule that my ex and I had when we first split up. It worked out very well for us. I would def recommend this schedule if yall lived close to one another and remain amicable.


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## PDJOVER (Mar 11, 2008)

Thanks to all for the advice and comments. Andrea, a special thank you for giving me your experience.


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

I'm about to separate with my husband for a time, and we're trying to figure out the right amount of time for us each to spend with our son, so this post was helpful.

What we think we're going to do is have our 7yr old son remain in our house, and then we'd each spend time there with him, and then stay with friends or family during the time we aren't at the house. But, we're not sure how much time is the right amount. One week on, one week off? Having him remain at home minimizes disruption for him - he's got his same routine and all his stuff and his own room, but only one parent would be there at a time, doing ALL the stuff (school, homework, meals, cleanup, chores, bills, etc). 

Does a week at a time sound about right, or should it be longer/shorter? Anyone have any suggestions? Oh, and to start, my husband will re-evaluate the separation (because he's the one who wants it) at the end of October, before the holidays really kick in. So, approx 3 months for this initial round.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i have been through this very recently.
my hubby and i got our children together, they knew why we were splitting up , so they could understand why we were ,the way we were with our emotions.
we allowed our children to decide what they wanted.
from the situation, we had better supportive children who understood and were given decisions in what was better for their lives.
my separated ex at the time even looked after our children when i went out.
we r back together now and working through our issues on a day to day basis.
this came through not rowing, talking , being amicable and wanting to not give up on our marriage.


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Justean, I imagine your kids are older? I can't imagine asking my 7 yr old to decide what he wants, because I can tell you the answer would be "don't separate!" 

What did you end up deciding, with your kids' input?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

my sons are 11 and 8. they have only just had their birthdays. so my youngest is not that far from yours. 
of course my children wanted us to stay together.
but the information we gave straight away was, that mum and dad were not happy with eachother.
we asked them in a relaxed atmosphere if they wanted mum and dad to be happy. they answered yes. 
so we said for the moment this was best that we should not be together.
the first couple of weeks , well we were all adjusting and after that we fell into place. but then we did not row, this made the atmosphere calmer for our children and my sanity.
mon hubby would call over after work (after 5)to speak to them .
read a story and play.
tue at 6pm, he would collect the children to take them to football.
wednesday, children with me and day of for hubby.
but i did not stop them calling eachother.
thur 6pm, hubby would pick them up . children on this day go to a local club and hubby would take them and pick them up and bring them home at 8.30. as they had club at separate times. they each had their own time with dad. so youngest was 6-7pm and oldest child went 7 til 8.30. 
friday - we alternated each week. incase either of us wanted to go out.
saturday - hubby would collect boys from 10 am for football and bring them back by 1pm. hubby would have his own time after that.
if i went out on a saturday he would come back to look after the boys. 
he would then sleep on the settee.

sunday - if it was a good day, we would take the boys out. we did this to help our sons adjust , and realise that mum and dad would always be there for them. not ever sunday. but if weather awful - we would stay in and play games. hubby and i would only go out for about an hr and he would prob stay for 2 hr if we had bad weather.
i promise you , this ws the routine that our children suggested and it worked for them.
my hubby and i have split up a few times over the yrs.
b 4 we never told them, kept it from them.
and they reacted differently because they did not understand. they were upset alot. 
but they were not even half as upset and this ws the worst issue for which we split over. 
ok its trial and error with most things we do, until we find the correct way that suits our needs.


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