# Hubby mad at Dad



## cmrmcc

Hi all! I'm new here so here goes lol...

I've been married to my hubby for the past 14 years. My folks live in another state. Well, I went to go visit with them this past spring and my brakes went out when I got there! Luckily I was so close to my folks home that I made it there! Phew! My dad is the type who loves to help and fix things. He got a hold of his auto shop and made an appt to bring the car in for repairs. That was a Friday evening. We got the car in. The next day, Saturday, we both were surprised that the shop closes at noon on Saturdays, so they didn't get to look at the car yet. Sundays they are closed. Monday came by and they finally went to look at it after some calls from me and my dad. They did get it fixed on Monday. My dad and I went to go pick up the car, I went to give the shop guy my credit card and my dad proceeded to try to pay for it himself. My dad is the kind of guy that doesn't easily take no for an answer. He got his way and paid for it. I know he was trying to help.
Now, the problem is... My hubby who is sometimes a "hot head" but is a good guy, and never disrespectful, proceeded to complain to the BBB about the shop because he says that the time for the repairs was too long (the car was only in the shop over the weekend and fixed on Monday). This is the shop my dad uses all the time and they did fix the brakes. 
My dad was contacted by the shop about the complaint to the BBB! They had my dad's phone number as a "local number" when we brought the car in. My dad is furious at my hubby and wants him to withdraw the complaint. 
My hubby refuses to do so and wants me to stay out of it. I don't want to get in the middle of this, but this has put a strain on our relationship for sure! 
I love my dad and I also love my husband. I can't fix this for them and it is killing me that they are upset with one another. Now when I go visit my folks it won't include hubby. No family reunions with hubby and dad present. No folks going to visit me with hubby around.

Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? It cuts me deeply that my hubby can't come around to at least working things out with my dad if he can't work out the complaint.


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## mablenc

Seems like your husband is unreasonable, most car shops even Firestone and Sears don't have a same day turn around. Even so, knowing that your dad got tied in the mess while he was kind enough to pay for you, he should have the decency to withdraw the complain. 

I'm trying heard enough to not picture him as a jerk. Calling the BBB for something so small seems like a stretch to me.'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

So your husband was not with you on this trip, right? You did what you thought was best.. let your father use a shop that he is familiar with. Your father even paid. I would tell my husband that he needs to thank my father for helping out and paying for the repair.

Your husband is not "just" disrespecting your father, he is being disrespectful of you. You made a decision. Your car was fixed. Your father even paid.

I would tell my husband to back off. He's wrong and I would tell him that he's wrong. I would also tell him that he has a lot of nerve attacking my father who took care of the issue and even paid for the repair.

Then I would send a letter to the BBB and to the auto repair shop. It would say that you and your father are the actual customers. Your husband has nothing to do with the transaction. You and your father are more than satisfied with the repair and the timeliness of the repair. You realize that the auto shop operated within their published hours of operation. I'd make it very clear that your husband is what is called a legal stranger to this transaction as he was not involved at all.

Does your husband behave this badly often? Does he often file complaints with the BBB? If now what got him so upset?


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## happy as a clam

I know you love him, but your husband sounds like an unreasonable jerk on this one.

I totally side with your dad. I'd be furious at your husband too for the ridiculous BBB report. There should be a place on their website where the repair shop can write a rebuttal to the complaint.

Sounds like the *real issue* here is hubs got his ego flattened and his manliness "challenged" when your dad stepped in, took over, and kindly PAID FOR the repair.


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## richie33

Your husband is in the wrong here.


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## Cooper

Your husband is being an idiot, my guess is he feels inferior to your dad because dad handled things and also paid the bill. 

For one thing who cares if it took till Monday? You traveled out of state to visit your folks on a Friday, where you just going to stay an hour and then go back home? Did your husband have to miss work on Monday to babysit or something? Does your husband think if he was there he could have got the job done sooner? Would your husband feel differently if you had paid the bill?

Frankly I think your husband owes your dad an apology for calling the BBB and also I think he owes your dad a big thank you and an appreciative hand shake for taking care of you. Tell your husband that your dad loves you and has been taking care of you much longer than the 14 years you have been married, and that kind of habit is hard to break.


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## SpinDaddy

Howdy cmrmcc:

I gotta’ side with the old man on this one. A good mechanic is like a good woman. Hard to find and when you do, you cultivate the relationship. A couple days for significant brake work in a small shop wholly sounds reasonable. Unless there are more facts to the story, I’d advise your husband to retract what he filed with the BBB, apologize to your Dad and get the heck over it. And honestly, jacking with a small business via the BBB, especially in a small business/small town environment, without first trying to equitably resolve the matter – that’s just not right.


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## cmrmcc

Hubby says I should just stay out of it. He says that my dad has treated him with disrespect for a long time. I don't know as he hasn't said too much on that subject. He says that my dad has said things that were disrespectful to him but didn't tell me anything about it trying to "keep me out of it". 
Could be but... 
My dad called my hubby last week when he found out about the complaint and disrespected my hubby or my hubby felt disrespected by my dad, because my dad would tell him what to do, that he "Will go call the bbb or the shop" and apologize. My hubby didn't take too kindly to being told what to do.


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## SpinDaddy

cmrmcc said:


> Hubby says I should just stay out of it. He says that my dad has treated him with disrespect for a long time. I don't know as he hasn't said too much on that subject. He says that my dad has said things that were disrespectful to him but didn't tell me anything about it trying to "keep me out of it".
> Could be but...
> My dad called my hubby last week when he found out about the complaint and disrespected my hubby or my hubby felt disrespected by my dad, because my dad would tell him what to do, that he "Will go call the bbb or the shop" and apologize. My hubby didn't take too kindly to being told what to do.


Well at the risk of getting banned again for “name calling” I’d tell your hubby that SidecarDaddy said “It’s never a good thing to go pissin’ on another man’s wife or mechanic, shut-up, eat some crow and get on with life.”


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## mablenc

cmrmcc said:


> Hubby says I should just stay out of it. He says that my dad has treated him with disrespect for a long time. I don't know as he hasn't said too much on that subject. He says that my dad has said things that were disrespectful to him but didn't tell me anything about it trying to "keep me out of it".
> Could be but...
> My dad called my hubby last week when he found out about the complaint and disrespected my hubby or my hubby felt disrespected by my dad, because my dad would tell him what to do, that he "Will go call the bbb or the shop" and apologize. My hubby didn't take too kindly to being told what to do.


You are an adult, you decide whether or not to address this situation. Your husband should have stayed out of this situation, it was not his business to file a complaint.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded

Your husband is acting like a spoiled little boy. Period.


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## EleGirl

cmrmcc said:


> Hubby says I should just stay out of it. He says that my dad has treated him with disrespect for a long time. I don't know as he hasn't said too much on that subject. He says that my dad has said things that were disrespectful to him but didn't tell me anything about it trying to "keep me out of it".
> Could be but...
> My dad called my hubby last week when he found out about the complaint and disrespected my hubby or my hubby felt disrespected by my dad, because my dad would tell him what to do, that he "Will go call the bbb or the shop" and apologize. My hubby didn't take too kindly to being told what to do.


If your husband thinks that your father has treated him with disrespect for a long time, this is the wrong fight for your husband to be picking. Your father did something good. The shop that did the work has no part in the fight your husband wants to pick. Your husband was not even a customer of the shop so he really has no say in filing a complaint. 

If you don't writing something to the BBB then you are a party in trying to harm/destroy a small business that supports a few families. Think of the people whose lives you are choosing to harm. They did nothing wrong. They did not harm you.


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## frusdil

EleGirl said:


> Then I would send a letter to the BBB and to the auto repair shop. It would say that you and your father are the actual customers. Your husband has nothing to do with the transaction. You and your father are more than satisfied with the repair and the timeliness of the repair. You realize that the auto shop operated within their published hours of operation. I'd make it very clear that your husband is what is called a legal stranger to this transaction as he was not involved at all.


This. I would do this exact same thing.

I have to ask though...are you sure there's not more to this story? I find it incredibly hard to believe that a grown man could behave so ridiculously immature...there's nothing you've left out??


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## imtamnew

Won't such a stupid complaint just get thrown out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cmrmcc

I'm not really sure what more there is. Hubby doesn't talk about what else might be there. I do know that the car is under my hubby's name. And that he says that my dad has made many cutting remarks to him over the years but would only give me an example of a few of them. I am just as amazed as all of you.


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## papa5280

I'm very much like your dad. I was raised that my grandparents paid for things, like when we went out to dinner together. Once my grandparents passed, my parents picked-up every tab when we're together (my mom still does). When I'm with my adult kids, either shopping or eating out, I pick-up the tab. If my daughter were in a similar situation, I'd pop for the repairs, and wouldn't take no for an answer.

I don't view that as, in any way, disrespectful to my son-in-law. It's just my family's way, and I view it as a form of "paying it forward". In general, I'm more financially secure than my kids are now, and my mother is more secure than me.

For the OP, did your husband ever have any contact at all with the shop, before filing the BBB report? How does he even know what they promised vs. what they delivered?


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## EleGirl

cmrmcc said:


> I'm not really sure what more there is. Hubby doesn't talk about what else might be there. I do know that the car is under my hubby's name. And that he says that my dad has made many cutting remarks to him over the years but would only give me an example of a few of them. I am just as amazed as all of you.


What are you going to do? Are you going to just let the complaint stand with no rebuttal?


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## happy as a clam

EleGirl said:


> What are you going to do? Are you going to just let the complaint stand with no rebuttal?


Exactly. It hardly seems fair that the poor repair shop gets an unjustified "slam" against them because your husband has "unresolved issues" with your dad.

Jeez...


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## cmrmcc

The BBB has now closed the case but it will probably be on there for 3 years. 

They consider the matter closed. I did send my Dad a check for the amount in a Thankyou card and told him I'm sorry for all the problems and that I love him. 

The shop has never tried to contact us, no call, no answer to emails. The shop should have tried to contact my husband or myself as soon as it received the complaint but the shop owner was told by my dad (unbeknownst to me at the time) to just contact him alone. Hello?! I understand my dad was trying to help but the shop owner, if they are professional, would have written down both our numbers and tried to contact me, or my husband since he is the owner of the vehicle, if there was a complaint first, before trying to get a hold of my dad. 
My husband and I did receive a copy of a letter that the shop owner wrote to the BBB about the situation, and in the letter there are a lot of inconsistencies but most importantly he says that my dad and him agreed to keep me out of the communication and payment. Why would a shop owner dismiss me and decide only to deal with my dad when I was the customer and the car was in my husbands name?? This was before any complaint was ever filed! In other words the shop owner and my dad made a quiet "agreement" between the two of them to keep me out of it completely. I do appreciate his wanting to help and pay, I really do, but this shop owner if he is a professional cannot just dismiss me while I am standing right in front of him and decide to exclude anything I have to say!


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## Openminded

Because the shop owner was doing your dad a favor -- presumably as a long-term customer of his. Yes, the shop owner could have told your dad he couldn't do that but he probably didn't want to lose your dad as a customer. He had to made a choice and he chose to do what your dad wanted.


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## EleGirl

The shop owner was dealing with your father. You might have even received a discount since your father is a long term customer.

Were I the shop owner I would not contact you or your husband either. The shop owner is establishing that your husband was not a party to the repair so anything your husband says does not mean squat.

The shop owner is wise to not contact you or your husband. If he did then it gives the false impression that your husband was the customer who they dealt with. Plus, you and your husband have proven to be out of control, irresponsible wild cards. As a business owner they would be stupid to talk to either of you.

Wow, just wow. This is the kind of crap that small business owners have to deal with all the time in our litigious society.

.


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## EnjoliWoman

You might own the car but your father is the customer. He brought it to them, he paid for it. He is the customer. He was trying to be helpful, much like a father who might whisper to a waitperson "bring me the bill for dinner" at a large family gathering.

Your H was out of line. If he felt there were other issues, choosing this one where your father did something nice for YOU (not for him), this was an inappropriate place to take a stance. 

My ex did this type of thing once - cursed my family when he felt he had been treated with a lack of appreciation by my sister and when my parents stood up for her, he told them F you. There were no more family gatherings and it SUCKS. At first he wanted me to take his side and cut all ties. He would leave when they came to visit and wouldn't go with me to visit them and with our daughter, that was very awkward. But I told him in no uncertain terms "If you make me choose between you and my family, you'll loose." He shut up about it but never reconciled before we divorced.


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## cmrmcc

I ended up calling my mom and dad and we had a nice talk. It did go well, I let them know I love them both and am very sorry for the trouble with my hubby. 

The BBB has closed the case with no ill effects to the business now.

My hubby NEVER asked me to choose between them and let my know he never would. You see, my hubby and I have a very good relationship and communicate a lot with eachother. We had a long and unpleasant conversation about all of the trouble. But in the end, we both agree to end the trouble and all parties now can move on. 

My folks know I love them very much, my hubby knows I love him and he loves me. 

The shop is fine, no drop in their ratings with the BBB. 

Yes, it does suck that for now there will be no family gatherings together with my hubby and me, but I will be going. My hubby knows that and says that he would never stop me and understands. 

I feel that this matter is now closed for the most part, and who knows? Maybe someday in the future, my hubby and dad will form some kind of a truce of some sorts. I always have hope! 

I feel I did the right thing in calling and talking with my mom and dad. Life goes on. It's not the end of the world. 

My hubby has in the past never been anytning but respectful and loving and supportive of me, except for his decision to put in the complaint. 
However, I don't think divorcing him after one single incidence is an option. He and my folks are good people and all deserve a chance. 

This is the last I will say on this.


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## whatslovegottodowithit?

cmrmcc said:


> This is the last I will say on this.


Good and I'm glad you're fine with family relations continuing without your husband by your side.

In the future, anytime you acquire ANY good or service, regardless of who pays or how you got it (trade/barter, find, BOGO, etc...), be sure your H approves of it to avoid further lunacy, but you know that already. Best to succomb to how someone else wants you to live then making choices for yourself. This way, you can save your "chances" for more important serious wrongs!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

cmrmcc said:


> Hubby says I should just stay out of it.


Of course he does. He's a child and a jerk and a petty bully to do this.

If he were MY husband, I'd be telling him I'll be staying somewhere else until he rescinded it. And since he's now shown himself to be even a BIGGER baby, I'd be enjoying myself at my family gatherings without him for many years to come.

Love is blind, don't you know. Good luck with that.

btw, I speak from experience. I let my 'love' for my husband blind me to the truth for decades, and I have no family left I can be around, thanks to him. But hey! I love him, right?


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## Kylie84

Isn't it funny how quickly people will shut down threads and declare it's the 'last of it so there' because they read people's opinions they don't like?
As Turnera said "Good luck with that".


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## Bobby5000

Put me in the husband is difficult bunch too. Filing a BBB complaint was crazy enough but not withdrawing it once it became a problem is equally strange.


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