# Tired of women saying they want a nice guy



## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Today is my GF and I's 11 month anniversary. I know it sounds petty but I went out of my way to make sure I got her a card , wrote it out all nice and everything, gave it to her at
lunch got nothing in return so I figured she would get one after work, nope but she had time to take her mom to the gas station to get lotto tix:/
So she pick me up from work tonight ( in my car she drives around) I asked her if she needed to stop to get anything she still says no!  so now I'm pissed and it shows, she's asks me what my problem is and says if it's about our anniversary I'm sorry I didn't have time to donsnything. I said you couldn't get me a card? Not even a shout out on FB? She says I thought my love was enough what a bunch of crap! I do everything for this woman and her daughter I don't ask for much and I'm surly getting it. Really getting tired of being taken for granted. I'm sorry but the truth and everyone knows it is ,the more you do for a woman the less they care about you , so why do they all ask " where all the good men are"?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> Today is my GF and I's 11 month anniversary. I know it sounds petty but I went out of my way to make sure I got her a card , wrote it out all nice and everything, gave it to her at
> lunch got nothing in return so I figured she would get one after work, nope but she had time to take her mom to the gas station to get lotto tix:/
> So she pick me up from work tonight ( in my car she drives around) I asked her if she needed to stop to get anything she still says no!  so now I'm pissed and it shows, she's asks me what my problem is and says if it's about our anniversary I'm sorry I didn't have time to donsnything. I said you couldn't get me a card? Not even a shout out on FB? She says I thought my love was enough what a bunch of crap! I do everything for this woman and her daughter I don't ask for much and I'm surly getting it. Really getting tired of being taken for granted. I'm sorry but the truth and everyone knows it is ,the more you do for a woman the less they care about you , so why do they all ask " where all the good men are"?


Why is the 11th month something significant? Do the two of you celebrate your anniversary every month?


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

Sounds like you guys speak different love languages. Read 5 Languages of Love. This will explain what I mean. For me, 11 month anniversary would not be something I would feel I need to celebrate.

Tell her how you feel loved, what actions she can do to make you feel appreciated. For me, my number one love language is physical touch. Cards are nice, but don't speak to my heart, but clearly you are different, that is why I suggest reading the book. It really opened my eyes. My H needs words of affirmation (right after physical touch-thank god!).


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

Although I feel for you I must say, you need to quit this behavior and fast! Women are not attracted to emotionally needy men. You cannot get a woman to come to you if you are constantly chasing her.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> Really getting tired of being taken for granted._Posted via Mobile Device_


If you can't sort it out,maybe she's not the one for you.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

Well, maybe it's time to stop doing so much for her. If it seems that she's taking you for granted, stop giving her reasons to do so. Stop being clingy and giving her everything that she wants. Also, she does have a daughter to look out after and might not see you as a long-term partner, just something to think about. 

How old are the two of you? What other kinds of things do you do for her? Have the two of you talked about longer-term relationship goals/plans?


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

jfv said:


> Although I feel for you I must say, you need to quit this behavior and fast! Women are not attracted to emotionally needy men. You cannot get a woman to come to you if you are constantly chasing her.


I know it sounds immature but yeah we usually do something like go to dinner or exchange card flowers etc on the 14 , she was the one who was acting so happy we were only 1 month from being together a year. 
I'm not emotionally needy I just dont like being taken for grated like I said I dont ask for much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

tm84 said:


> Well, maybe it's time to stop doing so much for her. If it seems that she's taking you for granted, stop giving her reasons to do so. Stop being clingy and giving her everything that she wants. Also, she does have a daughter to look out after and might not see you as a long-term partner, just something to think about.
> 
> How old are the two of you? What other kinds of things do you do for her? Have the two of you talked about longer-term relationship goals/plans?


Yes we live together and we but mostly SHE always talks about having kids with me and marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

franklinfx said:


> I know it sounds immature but yeah we usually do something like go to dinner or exchange card flowers etc on the 14 , she was the one who was acting so happy we were only 1 month from being together a year.
> I'm not emotionally needy I just dont like being taken for grated like I said I dont ask for much.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She may not be the one for you. If my girlfriend would have given me a card earlier in the day, I would have done everything possible to have one for her by that evening.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> I know it sounds immature but yeah we usually do something like go to dinner or exchange card flowers etc on the 14 , she was the one who was acting so happy we were only 1 month from being together a year.
> I'm not emotionally needy I just dont like being taken for grated like I said I dont ask for much.


Besides this not celebrating a monthly anniversary... what are the other most significant problems in your relationship?... say the 5 most significant problems.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Don't mis-read what nice guy means.

Women (I think usually) want an emotionally strong guy who is nice to them. When nice comes across as needy or emotionally clingy then it's not being nice any more. Drama guy is not attractive.

Celebrating each month anniversary is not nice. It's clingy and a little creepy. Most women do not want this as far as I'm aware.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

If both of you had set a tradition of doing stuff on your monthly 
" anniversary " then she took you for granted.
IMO, this is a very bad sign early in a relationship.
Maybe she thinks she " safe " with you now and no longer need to do stuff to fulfil your emotional needs.

Stop begging for her affection and move on with your life.
Life is to short for that type of foolishness.


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## Elk87 (Oct 8, 2012)

Read the book, "No More Mr. Nice Guy." It is changing my life for the better, & no, it's NOT about turning into a jerk. It's about being real.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

monkeyboy said:


> Read the book, "No More Mr. Nice Guy." It is changing my life for the better, & no, it's NOT about turning into a jerk. It's about being real.


Right. The phase "nice guy" really doesn't have much to do with a guy who happens to be nice. It's kind of misleading.


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## Anabel (Dec 21, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Don't mis-read what nice guy means.
> 
> Women (I think usually) want an emotionally strong guy who is nice to them. When nice comes across as needy or emotionally clingy then it's not being nice any more. Drama guy is not attractive.
> 
> Celebrating each month anniversary is not nice. It's clingy and a little creepy. Most women do not want this as far as I'm aware.


Good advice.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Thank you for all the feedback , well I don't agree that giving someone a card or expressing love is ever creepy , I don't think acknowledging not "celebrating" our monthly anniversary during the1 st year of a relationship is wrong , we've always been like that with each other and something she definitely initiated and participated in throughout the relationship. I'm only feeding into what she says she wants, I like to do things for her and I love helping take care of her daughter, maybe I sound like a fool to some but I'm just doing wha comes natural to me and being the man she said she loves I don't believe in putting up some contrived front to "keep her on her toes " if I'm too " needy" cause I expect a lil respect and consideration she can go back to dating guys who cheat, lie, steal sell and do drugs and do everything they can to avoid paying child support and she can say again "wish I had a nice guy or where are all the good men"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

franklinfx said:


> if I'm too " needy" cause I expect a lil respect and consideration she can go back to dating guys who cheat, lie, steal sell and do drugs and do everything they can to avoid paying child support and she can say again "wish I had a nice guy or where are all the good men"


This *mindset* is spot on however the whole monthy anniversary thing may be sending signals that you need regular emotional validation which she probably wont like even if she thought she would. It seemed that way to me anyway. 

No matter how you paint it, there's a high probability that twisting her arm to keep up things like this will leave her saying "he's always needing my validation" to herself.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

My wife liked celebrating "monthsaries" so I did that for her. The fellow saying it's creepy is being a jerk.

If you are feeling under-appreciated it probably has a lot more behind it than just this one incident. If that's true then state so to her and start the 180.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> Thank you for all the feedback , well I don't agree that giving someone a card or expressing love is ever creepy , I don't think acknowledging not "celebrating" our monthly anniversary during the1 st year of a relationship is wrong , we've always been like that with each other and something she definitely initiated and participated in throughout the relationship. I'm only feeding into what she says she wants, I like to do things for her and I love helping take care of her daughter, maybe I sound like a fool to some but I'm just doing wha comes natural to me and being the man she said she loves I don't believe in putting up some contrived front to "keep her on her toes " if I'm too " needy" cause I expect a lil respect and consideration she can go back to dating guys who cheat, lie, steal sell and do drugs and do everything they can to avoid paying child support and she can say again "wish I had a nice guy or where are all the good men"


If this is something that she started and has wanted, and now she is not responding well to it there are problems in your relationship.

If she feels that there are problems that you are not addressing, then the card and anniversary thing might not be important to her now.

That's why I asked what the 5 major problems are in the relationship. This is much bigger than the card thing.

How much time, in hours, do you spend with her a week doing things together, just the two of you?


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Right. The phase "nice guy" really doesn't have much to do with a guy who happens to be nice. It's kind of misleading.


It also doesn't mean only doormats apply. Nice guys are not just momma's boys


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I've never heard of celebrating an anniversary on a monthly basis. In time, along with annual, engagement, marriage, Valentine's day and birthday anniversaries - surely this would become a little meaningless?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> My wife liked celebrating "monthsaries" so I did that for her. *The fellow saying it's creepy is being a jerk.*
> 
> If you are feeling under-appreciated it probably has a lot more behind it than just this one incident. If that's true then state so to her and start the 180.


I just gave an honest opinion without calling anyone a jerk. And your suggestion sound exactly like the suggestions I'm making but I'm not calling you a jerk. See how that works.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> Ok, straight up:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:iagree:, :iagree:. and ..... :iagree:


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Covert contract?


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Sorry, but I'd feel it's a little creepy, too. But then, I'm in my 40s. If I was in my teens, I'd probably find it romantic for the first six months to a year. 

As it is, you've discovered that she's no longer focused on a monthly thing now that she has realized you're about to start counting in YEARS. If I was dating you and this happened, I would see you as weak if you got upset over this.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

You have not been together a year and you are already living together and you do monthly celebrations? It sounds honestly to me that your GF doesn't have realistic expectations of relationships. This is her idea and now she is putting less effort into it correct? It also sounds to me like she rides that chemical high people get in the beginning of relationships when everything is exciting and new and now the high is fading. That's why she is wanting to marry you and have kids. That's another shot of newness and will renew that high for her. Once that's done what's next? Also, you mentioned that she dated abusers and unstable men before you correct? It's probably because of the drama and unstable dynamics of those relationships that attracted her to those men. It wasn't boring and she probably enjoyed that. 

This woman may not be capable of sustaining a long term "safe and loving relationship" without some dramatic spikes in it. I don't know about that nice guy stuff. I mean I don't disagree with it but I don't think it applies to you. I think you bought into what this woman was trying to do in the relationship and she just got bored with it while you assumed something like that wasn't possible. Are you with her for financial reasons? Because otherwise it does seem a bit needy to already be living together. I personally would feel foolish. I think the whole idea of it is odd but I would give it a go if I felt it meant something to her and I felt we had a genuine connection and some kind of future. If I bought into something I initially assumed was strange and then I saw she lost interest in it, I would feel disrespected and played for the biggest fool. To me it would be grounds to maybe end the relationship. It would just be telling of so many things to me.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

If you agree to something because you care about somebody and then you in turn start to care about it too...how does that make you weak when they become indifferent about it after you've emotionally invested thought and effort into it? 

IMO they are moving way too fast but I don't think he's weak for his anger at this. I would just leave this foolishness.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> If you agree to something because you care about somebody and then you in turn start to care about it too...how does that make you weak when they become indifferent about it after you've emotionally invested thought and effort into it?
> 
> IMO they are moving way too fast but I don't think he's weak for his anger at this. I would just leave this foolishness.


It doesn't. But that's what I would think if I was in her shoes whether it was accurate or not.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

How old are you two?

Celebrating the anniversary every single month is a typical teenager behavior.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

KathyBatesel said:


> Sorry, but I'd feel it's a little creepy, too. But then, I'm in my 40s.* If I was in my teens, I'd probably find it romantic for the first six months to a year*.





> *LovelyGirl said*: Celebrating the anniversary every single month is a typical teenager behavior.


For an example....Our 2nd son & his GF are both very Romantic (which makes them a great match)......they are just 15 ...they still make a big deal out of the 7th day of every month (anniversary day)...

He has JUMPED on me for messing up his day with his GF - because it's their 7/ 9th/ 13th month anniversary (for example)...they don't do cards though... just get together..it's like they MUST see each other on that day or life is going to end. 

It's been 15 months for them so far... I do expect this to die down eventually... while they focus more on "the years"... both 1st Loves.

If you are both into it, it's what floats your boat...by all means enjoy....but if HER interest (her temperature) has taken a dive in this area....and you are feeling it...in order to not come off as too needy...many women will see this as unattractive - just as men do.. (I'd think the "*time*" / highly affectionate Romantic types will appreciate this sort of enthusiasm more so).... 

But anyway....after the whirlwind beginning excitement of a new relationship....the hormones settle a little & this slowly calms. 

I thought of this thread in regards to your situation...







http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/21278-thermostat-ultimate-barometer-your-r.html


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

I don't see what age had to do with expressing love for someone . We don't celebrate it ,we just acknowledge it with a card or flowers or something and not even every month, we just thought it was cool that we've made it almost a year ,seems like we just went on our 1st date lol. Im sorry people think its lame and immature.

So anyway after she begged me to tell her why I was upset , she goes out and gets me flowers and a card but because shes so mad now ,she didn't give it to me ,she just wrote it out and put it my dresser. What was that suppose to prove? Thing that gets me is she writes in the card how she "loves me with all her heart and is excited about our future "but she can't even hand me the card or talk to me? I hate these stupid arguments but 90% of our relationship is awesome ,we have such a good time together and I love coming home to her and her daughter, and I want marry her someday but I refuse to put up a front like I don't care , why the hell would that be attractive to a woman? 
As far as my OP goes ,I didn't want to say anything about the card i wanted to just sit there and drink my beer and calm down and I probably shouldn't have but when she told me she took her mom to the store to buy scratch offs but couldn't bother to get out and spend a buck on a card after I got her one, that hurt , and if that makes me weak immature creepy needy and clingy well hey I gotta be me. Beats the hell out of being a deadbeat drug dealer IMO.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Let me teach you about giving with expectations. It sets you up for resentment and anger.

The fix is very simple. Before you do anything or give to another stop and ask yourself one question....if I get nothing back will I be upset? If the answer is YES then don't do it. Just stop.

Unless you can give freely without expecting something in return for your generosity don't do it. Trust me if you do this it's life changing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> I don't see what age had to do with expressing love for someone . We don't celebrate it ,we just acknowledge it with a card or flowers or something and *not even every month*, we just thought it was cool that we've made it almost a year ,seems like we just went on our 1st date lol. Im sorry people think its lame and immature.


If the two of you have been into this then it's not creepy for you two. That's what matters.

So you don't do it every month. How is she supposed to know what months you are going to do it? If it's not an always thing, then to expect that if you give her a card she has to go out and get you in is not right. If you want to acknowledge the date then you acknowledge it... it's expect that if you give her something she has to give you something. 

Sure on days like you birthdays, Christmas there is an expectation of something. But not on a monthly anniversary that you don't every acknowledge every month.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

jfv said:


> She may not be the one for you. If my girlfriend would have given me a card earlier in the day, I would have done everything possible to have one for her by that evening.


I wouldn't do that for mine because I think it might create a weird precedent - I'll give you gifts if you give me one first. What happens in the future? She gives me some random flowers, so I need to go out and get her flowers? How about we stop this retarded game, and she can go buy her own flowers?

I'm a bit like that with all gift giving. I have sort of an agreement with everyone that we shouldn't buy gifts for each other. The effort might be there, but gifts are almost always a rip off and a waste of time. I had the best christmas of anyone I know because I bought stuff for myself, and it's stuff nobody would guess that I wanted. I got an air purifier for the living room (on sale), I got a $12 refurb vacuum cleaner for getting cat hair under my bed, and I bought a costco size box of reese chocolate bars. My gf bought nothing because she's on a budget, so she didn't need to screw up her budget and try to "prove her love" by spending a bunch of money on me for some crappy gift I probably didn't want anyway.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> If you agree to something because you care about somebody and then you in turn start to care about it too...how does that make you weak when they become indifferent about it after you've emotionally invested thought and effort into it?
> 
> IMO they are moving way too fast but I don't think he's weak for his anger at this. I would just leave this foolishness.


None of us think OP is weak. His anger and *requirement to be respected of his partner* is a sign that he's not. I did sort of think it at the beginning though.

Sometimes perception is reality though which has likely been the case somewhat up until now. *Bluntless about boundaries and respect are EXTREMELY important here*. She's used to cave men where how physically aggressive or possesive they are indicates how much they love her. I dealt with this many years back. When first dating my wife, there were a few occasion where I just flat out said "if you want to be that way then you need to be with someone else". Now twenty years later she says that she never knew what a good man was.

Anyway those "sh!t test" are something you had better pass when you're with someone who's used to abusive relationships. Otherwise you get categorized in the not worthy box.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

franklinfx said:


> ...that hurt , and if that makes me weak immature creepy needy and clingy well hey I gotta be me. Beats the hell out of being a deadbeat drug dealer IMO.


Personally I think it's very sweet & loving







... it's just in getting upset that you didn't get anything in return that is the problem ...since the months are hit or miss, so if she skips one here, you skip one there...it's Ok, at least one of you was thinking about it ...









It's those "*expectations*" (like Mavash mentioned)...it can set us up for hurt... I've done this with







...getting all bent out of shape...feeling ....he didn't desire me...enough. 

We can do it in many areas. We need to recognize, this doesn't mean our partner is falling out of love with us. 



ShawnD said:


> I'm a bit like that with all gift giving. I have sort of an agreement with everyone that we shouldn't buy gifts for each other. The effort might be there, but gifts are almost always a rip off and a waste of time. I had the best christmas of anyone I know because I bought stuff for myself, and it's stuff nobody would guess that I wanted. I got an air purifier for the living room (on sale), I got a $12 refurb vacuum cleaner for getting cat hair under my bed, and I bought a costco size box of reese chocolate bars. My gf bought nothing because she's on a budget, so she didn't need to screw up her budget and try to "prove her love" by spending a bunch of money on me for some crappy gift I probably didn't want anyway.


I feel like this myself... but I know that GIFTS is the very bottom of my love languages... it helps that my husband feels the same, I told him a long time ago to never buy me flowers, I'd see it as a waste of $$....I'd be more delighted if we were walking on a trail & he picked me some on the spot. Wouldn't cost a dime but the thought is there. 

Don't care for cards either...I'd again prefer him to save his $$, give me back rub or lotion my feet up ...if he wanted to express something, I'd rather him write something of his heart on a ratty piece of paper -I'd get more excited over that. 

But maybe Franklin feels loved through small gifts....it's important to understand what Love languages are partner is ..and strive to fulfill them. Whether that be:

1. Quality Time
2. Physical Touch
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Acts os Services 
5. Gifts 

Language Profile | The 5 Love Languages®










This book ....His Needs, Her Needs  ~ talks about the 10 core emotional needs ....



> 10 Emotional needs:
> 
> 
> 1. *Admiration*
> ...


 Maybe you & her could sit down and write out your lists in the order of importance .....your top 5 specifically...and hers....with the goal of working to fulfill each other........Here are work sheets you can print out







 Emotional Needs Questionnaire


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

franklinfx said:


> "......and I want marry her someday but I refuse to put up a front like I don't care , *why the hell would that be attractive to a woman?" *


The answer is so simple that its funny.
here's the answer :

"..._*Because some women are wired like tha*t_...."

Some women respond well to loving , caring , considerate men who will pay close attention to their emotional needs and who value honour and fidelity.
Other women see acts like this as a sign of weakness , and they disrespect the man who treats them like that. They themselves have been so conditioned to accept abusive behaviour , that they are unable to handle emotionally healthy , supportive men.

However, you responded correctly. You the did not keep silent and you made your feelings and LEGITIMATE expectations known to her.
In relationships, the penalty for disrespect must be swift and effective , else the transgressor will see nothing wrong with their actions and continue disrespecting you.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> Today is my GF and I's 11 month anniversary. I know it sounds petty but I went out of my way to make sure I got her a card , wrote it out all nice and everything, gave it to her at
> lunch got nothing in return so I figured she would get one after work, nope but she had time to take her mom to the gas station to get lotto tix:/
> So she pick me up from work tonight ( in my car she drives around) I asked her if she needed to stop to get anything she still says no!  so now I'm pissed and it shows, she's asks me what my problem is and says if it's about our anniversary I'm sorry I didn't have time to donsnything. I said you couldn't get me a card? Not even a shout out on FB? She says I thought my love was enough what a bunch of crap! I do everything for this woman and her daughter I don't ask for much and I'm surly getting it. Really getting tired of being taken for granted. I'm sorry but the truth and everyone knows it is ,the more you do for a woman the less they care about you , so why do they all ask " where all the good men are"?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it's unreasonable to expect a woman to celebrate a monthly anniversary. Yearly, yes. Monthly, no. Are you teenagers?


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

DayDream said:


> I think it's unreasonable to expect a woman to celebrate a monthly anniversary. Yearly, yes. Monthly, no. Are you teenagers?


It was her idea though. I think that's where most of his anger comes from. I could be wrong.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Anyway those "sh!t test" are something you had better pass when you're with someone who's used to abusive relationships. Otherwise you get categorized in the not worthy box.


:iagree:

Didn't read this earlier on, but this is exactly what I meant in my last post!


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

If you are upset about it then you have to tell her how you feel. Silent/anger treatment 'till she begs you to tell her, and then talking in an angry "it's your fault" way (if you did) is not a good way to communicate, it only builds more resentments. Express how you feel, focus more on explain that than pointing fingers. It really is a better way to make your partner more receptive to understand you.



Mavash. said:


> Let me teach you about giving with expectations. It sets you up for resentment and anger.
> 
> The fix is very simple. Before you do anything or give to another stop and ask yourself one question....if I get nothing back will I be upset? If the answer is YES then don't do it. Just stop.
> 
> Unless you can give freely without expecting something in return for your generosity don't do it. Trust me if you do this it's life changing.


:iagree:


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

franklinfx said:


> Today is my GF and I's 11 month anniversary. I know it sounds petty but I went out of my way to make sure I got her a card , wrote it out all nice and everything, gave it to her at
> lunch got nothing in return so I figured she would get one after work, nope but she had time to take her mom to the gas station to get lotto tix:/
> So she pick me up from work tonight ( in my car she drives around) I asked her if she needed to stop to get anything she still says no!  so now I'm pissed and it shows, she's asks me what my problem is and says if it's about our anniversary I'm sorry I didn't have time to donsnything. I said you couldn't get me a card? Not even a shout out on FB? She says I thought my love was enough what a bunch of crap! I do everything for this woman and her daughter I don't ask for much and I'm surly getting it. Really getting tired of being taken for granted. I'm sorry but the truth and everyone knows it is ,the more you do for a woman the less they care about you , so why do they all ask " where all the good men are"?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


franklinfix,

Please don't take this the wrong way but if you don't stop letting yourself get all worked up like this, you may not make it to month 12.

My humble advice here is to ask directly for what you want. Don't expect your partner to read your mind. Understand that people have different expectations and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't allow all your feelings of self worth to ride on a single act of omission. If you're expecting a card and you're going to get upset if you don't get one, then tell her for goodness sake.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I feel like this myself... but I know that GIFTS is the very bottom of my love languages... it helps that my husband feels the same, I told him a long time ago to never buy me flowers, I'd see it as a waste of $$....I'd be more delighted if we were walking on a trail & he picked me some on the spot. Wouldn't cost a dime but the thought is there.


I also think the best gifts are the ones that are given because they are needed or would be useful. There was one time I was taking my gf to mcdonalds because she wanted a coffee. The drive through line was huge, so she went inside. She came back with a coffee for her and a cup of water for me because I mentioned earlier that I wasn't feeling well. That was a really sweet thing to do, and it helped a lot because I keep advil in my car, but advil is hard to swallow when you have a sore throat. Helping me feel less-sick is a great gift/action.

I bought her dad's cheap ghetto car last month so she has something to drive, but that's not the real gift. I got 2 heated seats for it, a 12V splitter so the seats don't take up all of the 12V plugins, a 2A (high power) 12V to USB thing, a multi-type USB charger that fits almost any phone, a USB extension cord, one of those cassette things that can be plugged into an mp3 player or walkman, winter floor mats, and a battery booster to jump start the car or inflate the tires if needed. She loved getting this stuff. Her car might suck as a car, but it's luxurious as hell. It has heated seats, she can play music through the car stereo, she can charge any type of phone or mp3 player, and she never needs to worry about being stranded due to a dead battery. 

We don't do this because we expect stuff in return. She doesn't expect me to get water for her and I don't expect her to start messing with my car. She got water because I needed water. I got her a bunch of cheap car crap from a liquidation store because I know she wouldn't buy that on her own even though it was very cheap. I think I paid $10 for the high power 12V to USB thing, multi headed phone charger, and USB extension cord.


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## captainkbt (Jan 9, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> Let me teach you about giving with expectations. It sets you up for resentment and anger.
> 
> The fix is very simple. Before you do anything or give to another stop and ask yourself one question....if I get nothing back will I be upset? If the answer is YES then don't do it. Just stop.
> 
> Unless you can give freely without expecting something in return for your generosity don't do it. Trust me if you do this it's life changing.


:iagree:


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Yeah my first reaction was 'how old are you'? too.

Basically, you are pissed because you didnt get a card on your '11th month' anniversary? Really? I guess thats sorta sweet that you want to celebrate - but yeah its also needy and juvenile to insist on it and pout when you dont get your card. You needed to 'drink your beer and calm down'. I find that funny, actually.

You dont give her your car to use because you want something in return right? Right?

At least thats my take on it. But Im old and crotchety and grumpy and callous. If you are looking for validation of how great a guy you are, perhaps you're not a great guy yet. But again, if your oppinion of yourself is that high, and of hers that low...perhaps you should run away from this unappreciative woman like your hair was on fire? Clearly she just doesnt get it.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

Sigh....again...

This
was
not
his
idea.

It was hers. And then she just didn't care anymore.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Maybe she realized how silly it is.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

DayDream said:


> Maybe she realized how silly it is.


:rofl:


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband is one of the nicest and most supportive husbands any woman can ask for. He is very patient and very understanding. I do not get him anything for his bday, Christmas, or anniversary. On the flip side he doesn't need to get me anything either. We've been married nearly 13 years. If there's something I want around those times, I'll order it myself and he does the same.

We celebrate at home anyways since I'm housebound due to severe chronic pain. There's not much I can do and I need a wheelchair if there's a lot of walking involved which is embarrassing.

I wouldn't trade my nice guy for the world. He does everything for me and I absolutely appreciate it. He very rarely gets mad and always keeps a positive attitude. I wish I could do the same. I have my off moments.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

> I don't see what age had to do with expressing love for someone . We don't celebrate it ,we just acknowledge it with a card or flowers or something and not even every month, we just thought it was cool that we've made it almost a year ,seems like we just went on our 1st date lol. Im sorry people think its lame and immature.


It's not lame and immature for two people who are into it. Most people who are into this are young (teen/young adult), but find it to be a tedious, meaningless act eventually. 

I get that you feel betrayed that she did not respond the same this time as she has in the past, especially since it was her idea in the first place, but man you need to realize that in relationships, things *do* change over time, and people have a right to change their minds or not feel the same way each and every time something similar happens.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

DayDream said:


> Maybe she realized how silly it is.


And if she did, then she should have _at least_ tell him how she felt before.

Lets suppose she had really , really , really liked it and saw it as special, and he thought of it as [ giggle ] * just so silly..*

Then she would be the one making the post on TAM and complaining of how " insensitive " her boyfriend of 11 months was....
_And she would have gotten lots of support._


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> Sigh....again...
> 
> This
> was
> ...


like many, she didn't know what she wanted. The old cliche "be careful what you ask for" applies. Plus her intent was likely not to do monthly anniversaries for the next 50 years I suspect. He's right to be angry and right to tell her about it. They can talk it through and decide if monthly cards or whatever is what they both want now.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I don't even think this is about the card or the 11 month anniversary. I'd be willing to bet this guy has been giving too much for a while and feeling unappreciated. This was just the proverbial straw that broke it kinda thing.

Look at the original post---lets her have his car, does everything for her, etc. Yes he's your classic nice guy and he's now learned the wonderful lesson of being 'nice' does not mean your needs get met. Nope it means you get taken advantage of. That was why I gave the lesson of giving with expectations. 

He's given A LOT and not gotten that much back. But that's on him not her. I don't care who started the whole monthly anniversary thing.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I don't even think this is about the card or the 11 month anniversary. I'd be willing to bet this guy has been *giving too much for a while and feeling unappreciated*. This was just the proverbial straw that broke it kinda thing.
> 
> Look at the original post---lets her have his car, does everything for her, etc. *Yes he's your classic nice guy and he's now learned the wonderful lesson of being 'nice' does not mean your needs get met*. Nope it means you get taken advantage of. That was why I gave the lesson of giving with expectations.
> 
> He's given A LOT and not gotten that much back. But that's on him not her. I don't care who started the whole monthly anniversary thing.


:iagree: My thoughts as well.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

franklinfx,

Just let this go for this month. Next month is your 1st year anniversary. Speak to her in advance and make plans with her involved in the planning. You might also want to tell her that now that you two have reached the 1 yr mark, annual anniversary celebrations make more sense. Communication is the key here.

And yes it was thoughtless of her to blow off this month's anniversary since it was her idea and she participated in them in the past. She should have said something.

But from things you said it sounds like there are bigger problems. What are all the things that you do for her that you feel she is now not appreciating and taking advantage of you?


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

*Well two things:*

Did you get “make-up” sex for her oversight? If yes, then all is OK.
If not, then I’d give her one last chance – the 11 month, 11 day, 11 hour, 11 minutes and 11 seconds anniversary. If she forgets that one drop her like the thoughtless pig that she is.

*And an observation:*

Do you really want to go down this road with the “month-a-versary” business? By my accounts, I’d have had to buy 180 cards to date. At $4.00 a card, that's $720 dollars. Not to mention my assistant would be laughing her arse off that I had a reminder in my Outlook for this each month.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> Sigh....again...
> 
> This
> was
> ...


Exactly. 

What is immature is going out of your way to change the story so you have an opportunity to fabricate a put-down.

So we pretend it wasn't her idea. That he is forcing it on her with unfair expectations of something in return. Better still, replacing the people in the story with "me, me, me" - pretending he is giving the card to me instead of the person in question.

With this mentality we can turn a man giving a what has become a traditional gift to his spouse into a child and a creep. But that would be us being childish and creepy, not him.

A number of posters have been spot-on with what he actually said himself - he is now being taken for granted and this is going to go beyond this monthsary.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> *Look at the original post---lets her have his car, does everything for her, etc. Yes he's your classic nice guy and he's now learned the wonderful lesson of being 'nice' does not mean your needs get met. Nope it means you get taken advantage of. That was why I gave the lesson of giving with expectations.*
> 
> *He's given A LOT and not gotten that much back. But that's on him not her. *


:iagree:

That's why I said this:

"..._Stop begging for her affection and move on with your life.
Life is to short for that type of foolishness_...."

In my first post.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Op,
drop this woman

It may be hard , but you benefit later on from the peace of mind.


Right now she is actually occupying some other good woman's space in your life who can meet your expectations and treat you with respect. 
Life is too short for that kind of treatment , in addition she has a child which is not yours,and I'm sure you help take care of as if it were your own.
Find a decent woman and 
Both of you can finally have a fulfilling relationship.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> A number of posters have been spot-on with what he actually said himself - he is now being taken for granted and this is going to go beyond this monthsary.


OP, it seems like most everyone agrees on this part. The sentiment (or lack of) is the real problem.

If she continues to act like you don't matter then I agree with CM to find an exit strategy but be prepared for her to change her tune when you voice why your pissed about it. Standing up for yourself and letting her know that disrespect is something you won't participate in may be what make her realize that she's done it. And it may be what reminds her why she want to be with you and why you're worth treating with respect.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Leave her then or stop complaining. 

Most people are dysfunctional and miserable nor are they capable of love. You will see this if you start looking around

Nobody knows what a good relationship is people are too warped


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> Leave her then or stop complaining.
> 
> Most people are dysfunctional and miserable nor are they capable of love. You will see this if you start looking around
> 
> Nobody knows what a good relationship is people are too warped


A little harsh but I do agree that most people don't know how to have healthy relationships. They could learn but they always assume things will work themselves out. Bad bad idea...


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I don't even think this is about the card or the 11 month anniversary. I'd be willing to bet this guy has been giving too much for a while and feeling unappreciated. This was just the proverbial straw that broke it kinda thing.
> 
> Look at the original post---lets her have his car, does everything for her, etc. Yes he's your classic nice guy and he's now learned the wonderful lesson of being 'nice' does not mean your needs get met. Nope it means you get taken advantage of. That was why I gave the lesson of giving with expectations.
> 
> He's given A LOT and not gotten that much back. But that's on him not her. I don't care who started the whole monthly anniversary thing.


:iagree:

Although, honestly, the monthly anniversary thing is very juvenile(high school).


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## DjangoJr (Jan 8, 2013)

I think "nice" guy is defined poorly as a pushover...

and also the definition of nice changes with our age and priorities I believe


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

DjangoJr said:


> I think "nice" guy is defined poorly as a pushover...
> 
> and also the definition of nice changes with our age and priorities I believe


The problem is that "nice guy" is a term coined in "No more Mr nice guy". Anyone who's read that has a specific definition of what it means that doesn't really match people who haven't read it. Then it sounds like we're saying you can't be nice which is not true.

Cool name and avatar. Was an awesome movie.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

I need to just go ahead and read that one I think I get the concept and I agree 100% with it.There is a book out for women called "Why Men Love *****es".Some of it is cookie cutter but I ate the meat and spit out the bones and its about the same concept.But it has nothing to do with being a "*****" in the sense we think of it.It stands for Babe In Total Control of HERSELF.Which is not only attractive to men but they aren't likely to attempt to take advantage of your "niceness" or take you for granted and try to run all over you .They respect you.

Nobody wants a needy clingy insecure person willing to do ANYTHING(including begging)or groveling) to get you to love them because they have to gain there self respect and complete self worth out of you because they are empty.Its suffocating.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Don't mis-read what nice guy means.
> 
> Women (I think usually) want an emotionally strong guy who is nice to them. When nice comes across as needy or emotionally clingy then it's not being nice any more. Drama guy is not attractive.
> 
> Celebrating each month anniversary is not nice. It's clingy and a little creepy. Most women do not want this as far as I'm aware.


Its clingy and creepy to me to. It sounds like something people do in high school. Maybe she's just tired of celebrating monthly. I've never heard of anything like this done in adulthood.

Is this your first serious relationship OP?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> I need to just go ahead and read that one I think I get the concept and I agree 100% with it.There is a book out for women called "Why Men Love *****es".Some of it is cookie cutter but I ate the meat and spit out the bones and its about the same concept.But it has nothing to do with being a "*****" in the sense we think of it.It stands for Babe In Total Control of HERSELF.Which is not only attractive to men but they aren't likely to attempt to take advantage of your "niceness" or take you for granted and try to run all over you .They respect you.
> 
> Nobody wants a needy clingy insecure person willing to do ANYTHING(including begging)or groveling) to get you to love them because they have to gain there self respect and complete self worth out of you because they are empty.Its suffocating.


Yep. Same material in a different package.


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Let me teach you about giving with expectations. It sets you up for resentment and anger.
> 
> The fix is very simple. Before you do anything or give to another stop and ask yourself one question....if I get nothing back will I be upset? If the answer is YES then don't do it. Just stop.
> 
> Unless you can give freely without expecting something in return for your generosity don't do it. Trust me if you do this it's life changing.


Frank... this^... Mavash couldn't be more spot on. I never give with the expectation of giving..

My reward is knowing that I took the time show show another person I cared through my actions.

Never set yourself up for failure in this area.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Also OP.You have said "you dont ask for much"..I guess I'm having a hard time seeing it that way if you are having an emotional mini breakdown because you gave your GF an anniversary card EXPECTING you got something in return and for an 11 month dating anniversary to boot sounds to me like maybe you asks for more than you think.You also sort of passively aggressively through up in her face shes is driving YOUR car.And the hinting around "do you need to stop at the store to get anything "(hint hint).You were basically TELLING her "get me an anniversary present now".

Here is what you could have done because I also don't believe in hiding our feelings.You could have waited not said anything had a good time ..Said happy anniversary at the end of the night.Then the next day maybe mentioned.I have to tell you that I was kind of surprised you didn't mention our anniversary I thought that was important to you .Instead it seems more like you are throwing a temper tantrum because YOU gave her a card and you got NOTHING!


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Pipedream said:


> So you are in a relationship with a woman that had a child out of wedlock, that's driving your car, you're taking care of her child and giving cards for a 1 month anniversary?
> 
> Not only that she was abused and dated losers in the past?
> 
> ...


That's not really fair "abused girls are nothing but trouble" however difficult they may be YES the last thing they need is a man that's going throw an infant tantrum on her because he gave her a card for the 11 month anniversary and she didn't react how he wanted.An "abused" girl doesn't need a man to smack them up the head.But they need a strong self assured man for sure.She is less able than a non abused girl to baby a grown man's need for a mommy.Let the "non abused" girls take that role.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> That's not really fair "abused girls are nothing but trouble" however difficult they may be YES the last thing they need is a man that's going throw an infant tantrum on her because he gave her a card for the 11 month anniversary and she didn't react how he wanted.An "abused" girl doesn't need a man to smack them up the head.But they need a strong self assured man for sure.She is less able than a non abused girl to baby a grown man's need for a mommy.Let the "non abused" girls take that role.


You don't have to go after the OP over something another user said. That's not really fair either.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

OP there are some decent people here able to see both sides of the issue and give you some sound advice. Maybe you should just PM them. Because I feel some think this thread is some sounding board for what an attractive wuss you are.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> You don't have to go after the OP over something another user said. That's not really fair either.


True. OP seems mostly pissed about feeling taken for granted which is a good think to be pissed about. This may be a speed bump and he's the right guy for her. How she responds to him telling her what has made him mad about the whole thing will tell the tale. Of course if I'm OP then no anniversary card from me for a few years.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> You don't have to go after the OP over something another user said. That's not really fair either.


True .I apologize if I offended the OP.But my opinion still stands in general about "abused girls" and what they want and need.I guess in a round about way I was defending the OP's GF.I felt she was clearly being defamed and labeled nothing but trouble.And I despise the idea that abuse victims like to be abused.Anyway again sorry if I came across as unfair to the OP.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

Pipedream said:


> So basically you're saying he's not fit for this woman, correct? Is it fair to say he's throwing an infant tantrum, and him wanting a woman to baby him like a need for a mommy? You say "difficult", I say they are trouble. I guess we are on the opposite ends of the spectrum of how we see it. Either way this relationship is a problem.


I think dallasapple is saying you can't write someone off because of a difficult life they may have had or issues that may not even be their own fault. I can understand that. But generally, I too try to avoid intimate relationships with such women. A lot of times people like that need more patience and understanding than what they themselves are willing to give. It makes sense but It would just seem unfair to me.


----------



## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Pipedream said:


> So basically you're saying he's not fit for this woman, correct? Is it fair to say he's throwing an infant tantrum, and him wanting a woman to baby him like a need for a mommy? You say "difficult", I say they are trouble. I guess we are on the opposite ends of the spectrum of how we see it. Either way this relationship is a problem.


Its a different topic.I'll just say its wrong to suggest previous abuse victims WANT to be abused.And "nothing but trouble" is completely totaling a person out as well..."NOTHING but trouble".

Anyway I'm dropping it.Its already a derail.You have the last word if you want.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> I think dallasapple is saying you can't write someone off because of a difficult life they may have had or issues that may not even be their own fault. I can understand that. But generally, I too try to avoid intimate relationships with such women. A lot of times people like that need more patience and understanding than what they themselves are willing to give. It makes sense but It would just seem unfair to me.


One last comment..LOL>. That means you must exclude about 20% of the female population in America and maybe even more in other countries.


----------



## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> True .I apologize if I offended the OP.But my opinion still stands in general about "abused girls" and what they want and need.I guess in a round about way I was defending the OP's GF.I felt she was clearly being defamed and labeled nothing but trouble.And I despise the idea that abuse victims like to be abused.Anyway again sorry if I came across as unfair to the OP.


I see and that makes since. But it really bothers me though that sometimes men come here to complain and sometimes they are given little understanding. Maybe he is expecting too much or wanting to be acknowledged for the nice things he's done. Ok. Let's help him see that. And as and I other users have pointed out, this foolishness was her idea. I know people are reading that. But instead of trying to look at the big picture as well as him wanting to validation, they would rather just emasculate him. What does that do for you? Do you feel good about that?


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> One last comment..LOL>. That means you must exclude about 20% of the female population in America and maybe even more in other countries.


Nothing wrong with being picky


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> I see and that makes since. But it really bothers me though that sometimes men come here to complain and sometimes they are given little understanding. Maybe he is expecting too much or wanting to be acknowledged for the nice things he's done. Ok. Let's help him see that. And as and I other users have pointed out, this foolishness was her idea. I know people are reading that. But instead of trying to look at the big picture as well as him wanting to validation, they would rather just emasculate him. What does that do for you? Do you feel good about that?


I go "story by story" ..I don't automatically side with the woman and I don't appreciate the insinuation ..Not to mention I'm not "emasculating him" anymore than I try to "efeminize" women telling them not to be needy clingy insecure whiny babies.

But hey I will be more than happy to admit I'm wrong here .


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> I go "story by story" ..I don't automatically side with the woman and I don't appreciate the insinuation ..Not to mention I'm not "emasculating him" anymore than I try to "efeminize" women telling them not to be needy clingy insecure whiny babies.
> 
> But hey I will be more than happy to admit I'm wrong here .


I wasn't talking about you. Just the responses in general to these types of threads and people's tones.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> Nothing wrong with being picky


Nothing wrong with looking for a needle in a haystack either .Touche!:smthumbup:


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> I wasn't talking about you. Just the responses in general to these types of threads and people's tones.


Thank you for clearing that up .You seemed to be directing your comments to me since I was quoted when you made the remark.No biggie..


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> Nothing wrong with looking for a needle in a haystack either .Touche!:smthumbup:


Yeah but when you find that needle how awesome do you feel


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> Yeah but when you find that needle how awesome do you feel


No comment.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> I too try to avoid intimate relationships with such women. A lot of times people like that need more patience and understanding than what they themselves are willing to give. It makes sense but It would just seem unfair to me.


I think many girls who repeatedely pick abusers are attracted to men who ask for what they want, and who say what they mean. Just happens that a lot of abusers have these traits. Then the cycle of feeling unworthy and all that stuff spirals on top of it.

If you're a no-nonsense guy but you're also not a jerk then you may be the hero one of these girls needs. Better pass the tests though.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

A combination of strong and gentle with normal human vulneralbilities (not a piece of ice sociopath ) ..That's the best way I can put it.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> I think many girls who repeatedly pick abusers are attracted to men who ask for what they want, and who say what they mean. Just happens that a lot of abusers have these traits. Then the cycle of feeling unworthy and all that stuff spirals on top of it.
> 
> If you're a no-nonsense guy but you're also not a jerk then you may be the hero one of these girls needs. Better pass the tests though.


I hear you. I think all relationships have some type of game being played. It can rage from humor and flirtation to all out malice/violence. Being a hero to a damaged woman...wouldn't that be more of the league of someone seeking purpose and validation from their lover for their good deeds though?


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> Its clingy and creepy to me to. It sounds like something people do in high school. Maybe she's just tired of celebrating monthly. I've never heard of anything like this done in adulthood. Is this your first serious relationship OP?


Thanks!

Great example of a tip for guys here. A lot of women are bullies at heart, and when they see a guy who is hurt because he was too giving - they're going to see that as a weakness they can take cheap shots at. Because making people feel bad is sport to them. 

Five personal insults in four sentences here. This kind of bully is going to be on good behavior in the beginning of a relationship, just like the OP's was, with wanting him to do these monthly celebrations. But in time the filth on the inside is going to show itself. You don't want to waste months of your time waiting for that. 

So we are taught to watch how they treat others. Like this poster right here. If she thinks calling you creepy, clingy, childish, etc. is going to make you feel bad, then she's going to do it and boy howdy with this one it is going to be an avalanche of it.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Being a hero to a damaged woman...wouldn't that be more of the league of someone seeking purpose and validation from their lover for their good deeds though?


Everyone wants some validation for their good deeds.Even if its merely to see the other one happy with or from the deed.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> Everyone wants some validation for their good deeds.Even if its merely to see the other one happy with or from the deed.


I agree with you but I don't have much hope that that person would love me the way I want to be love. I feel it would just be a charity case and i'd rather put effort into those things with someone I felt was more balanced.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Sorry wise. I didn't read the first page before posting. I shouldn't have posted without reading the whole thread. I just saw him whining about monthly anniversaries and though this man needs to grow up and act like a man.

I came off as *****y and you came off with a stick up your ass.

Again that was dumb/mean of me to post without reading the story. But you're not exactly a shining example of how to correct peoples harsh words either. Maybe we both should think before we type.

Edited to add I wasn't the only one to point out monthly anniversaries being childish btw. Don't know why you singled me out.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> I hear you. I think all relationships have some type of game being played. It can rage from humor and flirtation to all out malice/violence. Being a hero to a damaged woman...wouldn't that be more of the league of someone seeking purpose and validation from their lover for their good deeds though?


I wasn't thinking about that dynamic but yes you are correct. The goal is to find someone who treats you good, is compatible, and shares chemistry. My point was actually that a man or woman who's had crappy partners can be the ones to appreciate one who's not crappy. But yea there's a certain type of guy a bad-boy woman will just eat up and spit out.

Maybe Knight in shining armor is more appropriate word.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> So we are taught to watch how they treat others. Like this poster right here. If she thinks calling you creepy, clingy, childish, etc. is going to make you feel bad, then she's going to do it and boy howdy with this one it is going to be an avalanche of it.


By the way one of my very early posts where I said something about monthy anniversary being clingy and maybe creepy should have been worded differently. I meant it can come across that way even subconsciously. I suspect some of the "likes" for that comment are seeing it less blunt than it sounded. Anyway, just clarifying.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> Sorry wise. I didn't read the first page before posting. I shouldn't have posted without reading the whole thread. I just saw him whining about monthly anniversaries and though this man needs to grow up and act like a man.
> 
> I came off as *****y and you came off with a stick up your ass.
> 
> ...


I think people do this all the time though so don't be so hard on yourself. I always read all the OPs comments before I post. I think a lot people have commented without reading extensively. Because some posters have been telling him it serves him right for doing something to odd in the relationship. I want to believe that if they had read more there would have been less harsh comments. If not then for some of you the problems you may be having in your marriage could be attributed to your attitudes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> I agree with you but I don't have much hope that that person would love me the way I want to be love. I feel it would just be a charity case and i'd rather put effort into those things with someone I felt was more balanced.


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## Anabel (Dec 21, 2012)

Seems like most everyone agreed there's nothing wrong with having anniversaries every month. Me too. I always thought it was romantic when I was younger. Didn't sound to me like anyone was intending to be insulting by asking the poster's age. Just that it's a more common thing to do as a teenager.

Not at all creepy either if the other person is into it too. Maybe a little clingy to get angry if they stop. But that depends on context. And clingy isn't the worst thing in the world to be anyway.

The comment that women are looking for an _emotionally strong_ man who is nice to them was a good distinction. To me these kind of comments came across as observations of people in general. Not as shots at the original poster. For the record.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> I hear you.* I think all relationships have some type of game being played. It can rage from humor and flirtation to all out malice/violence. Being a hero to a damaged woman...wouldn't that be more of the league of someone seeking purpose and validation from their lover for their good deeds though?*


:iagree: x100% !

And what I have realised about eros or romantic love is that it is by nature,selfish.
Everybody's looking for something.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

dallasapple said:


>


Hey now! Turn that frown upside down !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> I hear you. I think all relationships have some type of game being played. It can rage from humor and flirtation to all out malice/violence. Being a hero to a damaged woman...wouldn't that be more of the league of someone seeking purpose and validation from their lover for their good deeds though?


Agree. Many men long to be a hero to a woman. Many women know this and will use it to their advantage. A wise woman will use it to keep her man happy while he goes off to work to slay dragons for her. She will be appreciative of everything he does and will give him the validation and purpose he craves.

A stupid woman however just takes offering NO validation or purpose. Her man is miserable and feels unappreciated. He starts posts on TAM while his woman likely is off looking for her next prey since obviously the man she's with is broken. LOL


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Well I just read the whole thread after being away a few days, much thanks for all the feedback! (Especially simply amorous and falcon king)
Couple points I'd like to address 
1)go ahead and laugh but I'm 40 she's 30 and no we don't look like Hugh Hefner and the playmate of the year lol
2) I really don't care if people think its immature to acknowledge monthly anniversaries, its our lil thing we do for fun and it was just a card ,we always do silly childish stuff like that & we always joke how "gay we are for each other". 
3) I'm really not the kind of person who expects a gift or a card in return for giving one it just pissed me off that she took her mom to the store but claimed she didn't have time to do anything for me all after she made such a big deal about being together 11 months the day before.
4) I think deep down inside I fear she might lose feelings for me while I still am very much in love . I spoke with her about this last night and she told me she still very much in love with me and wants to marry and have kids with me someday.
5) Ive read a lot of advice about leaving her , that theyres probably someone better out there, well I've thought about that too but I was married for 12 years to who I thought was "the perfect woman" and I learned that no matter how good and compatible a person seems they will either change for the worse or reveal who they really are. I bet if i walked out on my GF tomorrow and met one of those beautiful single "good women" who keep asking "where all the good men are" theyd start taking my kindness for granted too, its just human nature to get comfortable after you find what you think you want. At least with my girl I know what I'm dealing with. 
Im starting to think a good relationship isn't about finding the perfect person it's about being happy with someone who knows who you really are and still wants to be with you.


Night all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriageindia (Jan 17, 2013)

i would advice you to take this thing lightly and not judge a person on such small instances.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

franklinfx said:


> Im starting to think a good relationship isn't about finding the perfect person it's about being happy with someone who knows who you really are and still wants to be with you.


None of us are perfect, would any of us even want "Perfection"...then we'd feel like we had to live up to that in return...we all need a little room to breathe & grow....

A few quirks, even touchy arguments along the way.....hell that just leads to some passionate "Make up Sex" anyway!  

It IS about an acceptance of who the other IS...and still appreciating their uniqueness...even in some of those weak , even unruly moments....and if they love you back ...you got it all.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

The more you do the more they will take.. (Doesn't matter if male or female) and won't give back


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## mothugsta (Feb 22, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> Let me teach you about giving with expectations. It sets you up for resentment and anger.
> 
> The fix is very simple. Before you do anything or give to another stop and ask yourself one question....if I get nothing back will I be upset? If the answer is YES then don't do it. Just stop.
> 
> Unless you can give freely without expecting something in return for your generosity don't do it. Trust me if you do this it's life changing.


Unfortunately, about 80% of what I do for my girl now, I expect some sort of return. Not a tit-for-tat, just her natural willingness to put her man before herself sometimes. If I stop all my actions in which Id expect some return, she will wonder why the 180. And I have no reason to give,


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

I haven't read the entire thread so, sorry if I repeat what anyone else might have said. 
If I were you, I'd wait and see what she does on your first Year Anniversary. If then you get nothing, you have solid reasons to worry. 
But for now, I agree with the posters that say that monthly celebrations are excessive. I do not find it creepy, it's rather sweet, but definately too much. And this coming from a very romantic woman such as I. Buying flowers/ cards/ doing something special monthly sets a routine and wears off the excitement. Your gf may have bore and had no longer the mood to go buy you a card or something, like she had if you guys waited for your first year anniversary. Do cool off a little until next 14th. Give her some space, reduce the small attentions. Let her miss them. Sometimes less is more.


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