# Newlywed Confused



## love2bite692000 (Jul 23, 2010)

My husband and I just got married recently. Even before the wedding I was having the doubts and second guessing. Lately, it has gotten a lot worse. I'm finding myself thinking about cheating and seeing other men. We have been together for quite some time. We are both in our early 20's with no children. I still love him, but I'm afraid that I have fallen out of love. Someone... please help me! I don't know what else to do!


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Why in the world did you get married if this was the way you felt?

He deserves someone who loves him not someone who's ready to visit someone elses bed before the honeymoon bed is even cold. I'd say get the marriage annulled and let him have a happier life.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Doubts and second guessing yet you got married anyway? You are in early 20s. Get out now before you have any children. Then grow up a bit before your next marriage.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Don't leave. You've made your bed and have to lie in it. This is one lesson in life to learn you have to live with your decisions. You cannot live so capriciously, doing whatever you want. There are consequences, and your husband does not deserve to have to pay for your stupidity. Your consequence is living with the decision, so now you have to do everything in your power to fix the situation and make your marriage work. And in the meantime, please DO NOT have any children.

You don't say why you fell out of love with him, but this happens to many people and a lot of them are able to reverse it. If you fell out of love because he treats you badly, then marriage counseling might be in order. If there are other reasons, then there likely is a remedy for that too. So, tell us why you fell out of love with your husband even before he became your husband.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

TNgirl232 said:


> Why in the world did you get married if this was the way you felt?
> 
> He deserves someone who loves him not someone who's ready to visit someone elses bed before the honeymoon bed is even cold. I'd say get the marriage annulled and let him have a happier life.


:iagree:


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## kiwigirl (Mar 29, 2010)

Susan2010 said:


> Don't leave. You've made your bed and have to lie in it. This is one lesson in life to learn you have to live with your decisions.
> 
> dont you think thats a bit harsh?? plus its not fair on her husband to be with someone that doesnt want to be, and if she gets out now he has a chance to find someone else.
> 
> do u knw y things changed??


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## wilted_flower (Jul 25, 2010)

Honey, I think you made a mistake. You're young enough now for you both to recuperate fully, and I would suggest getting out before children are involved. Think about the way you feel right now- is this how you want to feel for decades to come? This is the one life you have, make the most of it. 
If you don't want to leave, then get some counseling, be open with your husband and start finding ways to be happy!!! 

But I would really recommend leaving, based on what you said alone. Although I am sure there is much more to the story.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Maybe she doesn't feel like she can leave him. She said she still loves him, you don't want to hurt someone that you love. That puts in a tough situation. Stay in a situation hoping it gets better for you and keeping the other person happy, or leaving them because you want something else, knowing it will hurt them. 
There is not an easy answer.


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## losted (Oct 6, 2010)

I have the same story. We just got married three months ago and more than half the time I want to run. I dont know what to do either. We are both in our early 20s. He is very controling though. Ive losted all my old friends. And all i do is go to work and come home and take care of him and watch tv. I want to go out. See friends. He gets mad even when I want to hang out with my mother. He doesnt like my family. Marriage shouldnt be this hard, should it?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Marriage is a big adjustment. I think a tiny bit of second-guessing is natural. A little bit of "what if?" curiosity is probably also no big deal, IMO. Sitting around fixating over it, seeking out other guys, flirting or taking other steps likely to end in adultary would be a big problem. If that's where you're at, you need to get out. We all come with basically the same gear. If you make love to only one man for the rest of your life, you're not going to be missing out on anything. For what it's worth, I've always found "married" sex to be much better. 95% of sex is between the ears anyway.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Unbelievable makes a good point that a bit of second guessing isn't unusual, and I think it's harsh and shortsighted to call the OP "stupid" for getting married.
Before deciding whether to run or stay, investigate why you feel this way, especially since you said you love him.
I also agree that you shouldn't have children until you feel more stable and committed to your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> Marriage is a big adjustment. I think a tiny bit of second-guessing is natural. A little bit of "what if?" curiosity is probably also no big deal, IMO. Sitting around fixating over it, seeking out other guys, flirting or taking other steps likely to end in adultary would be a big problem. If that's where you're at, you need to get out. We all come with basically the same gear. If you make love to only one man for the rest of your life, you're not going to be missing out on anything. For what it's worth, I've always found "married" sex to be much better. 95% of sex is between the ears anyway.


Wise , very Wise advice :iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

If I knew my W was having "doubts" before the wedding, I never would have married her. No matter what decision you make, there will be blood. Not to say leave him, perhaps it's just that you aren't used to it yet, but if you must make a stay or go decision, ask yourself, which way will be the least painful for him-cut out now while you're both still young and can heal from this, or tell him 8 yrs. and 2 kids and several affairs later, and he'll be on this site wondering where it all went wrong.


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## dazedconfused (Nov 6, 2010)

Hi OP I know how you feel & I am in my mid 20's, married 3 years now, how ever we have a 15 month old which makes the situation alot harder. 

I am currently deciding what to do as I don't believe in 'staying for the kids' as our daughter deserves two parents who are genuinely happy, not pretending to be.

My advice to you is to have a good think about it first which im sure you have already done, maybe have a trial separation & see what comes of it before you call it a day?


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## striving (Nov 5, 2010)

Finding it sad that marriage has become to many people like buying a dress, finding you don't like it after all, and going back to the store to return it and get a different one. Promises and commitments just don't mean anything anymore? 

Love is not always a feeling. Love is usually a decision.

And many will tell you, it doesn't matter what guy you're with...there's always a fun honeymoon stage, and with every couple, that will fade and then the real love must kick in...the decision to stick it out and work on it, roll up your sleeves and both of you make good on your promise. (I'm not including every single circumstance here.)

Are YOU being the kind of person that your ideal man would WANT to be with? Entertaining thoughts of other men, contemplating intentional unfaithfulness? My husband's far from perfect, but I must daily remind myself to be - not the kind of wife he deserves (because when the true self is revealed, really, what does any of us deserve?) - but the kind of woman that he would admire and honor (whether he has the sense to or not).

I myself am having a hard time, but I truly desire to love my husband (whether I feel like it or not) and to begin to enjoy the lifelong partner that I have been given.

I hope you guys can talk about it and find ways to deepen your relationship and the promises made on your wedding day.


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## newlystepmommed (Nov 9, 2010)

I agree with striving. In this day and time it is way to easy to just.. Change your mind. I don't like this model, I want an up grade. Marriage isn't a vow anymore. It isn't a promise. 

Maybe you all should get some help. There had to be a reason you married him, get help.. find your way back.


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## Kaitlin (Nov 10, 2010)

Serious doubts and second guessing BEFORE the wedding/marriage, and you still went through with it? Seek couples' counseling before you cheat on your husband. He deserves better.


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## Xander (Oct 20, 2010)

You must not cheat on your husband. If you need to, get out of the marriage. But do not rob him of the ability to pursue his own happiness while you pursue your own outside of the marriage. That's exploitative and seriously hurtful. 

How serious were your doubts before you got married? I ask because I've noticed that many young people apply some revisionist history to their pre-married days whenever they start to regret being married in the present. There's always something to latch onto, because there are always doubts and cold feet.

Frankly, you sound bored. That is a natural consequence of being a fertile young woman in her early 20's -- your body is telling you to go find a diverse gene pool for baby-making. Your body is also telling you to remain committed to one man.

While it's natural to be attracted to other men, the fact that is bleeds into adultery territory tells me that you're not attracted to your husband. Why not? Is he getting too fat? Too submissive? 

Recognize that what you're going through is not extraordinary. Account for that, and re-evaluate the marriage accordingly. 

After that, if you need to, then get out. But DON'T CHEAT ON HIM. That's evil.


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