# Husband to Controlling



## LoveToday (Oct 26, 2012)

Hello New here and need some advice. 

I have been married to my husband for almost a year now. We have 3 children all from previous marriages. Things are going wonderful except the fact that he will not let me go out with my friends. If I do it has to be during the day and I have to tell him where I am and who I am with. I am not sure what would happen if I didnt tell him. Yesterday I was going to go to my friends house for lunch and he said he would of found out her address and came and got me if I wasnt home by a certain time. He has never been physical with me, he just gets loud. He always asks what I am doing during the day ect...if I want to go for a walk he has to go. I have never cheated on him so I have no idea where this is coming from. He was alittle bit like this when we were dating, if a guy came up to me in a bar, he would come right over and say he was with me and such. But never to this extreme. Will this just get worse? Anybody been through this? Is he just talking smack?


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

I think it will get worse if you let it. Do you know anything about his past relationships? Maybe he was cheated on and is now scared any and all women will cheat so he keeps you on a tight leash. Or maybe his dad was the same way or maybe it's another reason in a sea of reasons why he acts the way he does.

Whatever the reason, he needs counseling to learn how to act in a healthy relationship.

FYI if I was in your position I wouldn't put up with this one bit. Ice said it before and I'll say it again, an emotionally healthy person doesn't put up with that kind of crazy. He may not be crazy in all aspects of life but controlling an adult in this fashion is crazy to do and crazy to put up with.


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

Well, first of all, how is your communication with him? What you wrote in your post, does your husband know how you feel about this?
What may be some reasons why he reacts that way? What do you know about his past that may connect with this?


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## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

Yeah, if it's gotten worse since you were dating, it'll only continue to get worse, and it's just a waiting game until you overstep one of his imaginary control-freak boundaries and he does get physical about it. Counselling might either make him face the issue and deal with it, or make him bury it even deeper and see you as the one with all the issues. Depending on the kind of guy he is. So you can give counselling a shot but I'd suggest you get out while you still can.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

That IS controlling. Man, he has self esteem issues or insecurity issues.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

LoveToday said:


> Hello New here and need some advice.
> 
> I have been married to my husband for almost a year now. We have 3 children all from previous marriages. Things are going wonderful except the fact that he will not let me go out with my friends. If I do it has to be during the day and I have to tell him where I am and who I am with. I am not sure what would happen if I didnt tell him. Yesterday I was going to go to my friends house for lunch and he said he would of found out her address and came and got me if I wasnt home by a certain time. He has never been physical with me, he just gets loud. He always asks what I am doing during the day ect...if I want to go for a walk he has to go. I have never cheated on him so I have no idea where this is coming from. He was alittle bit like this when we were dating, if a guy came up to me in a bar, he would come right over and say he was with me and such. But never to this extreme. Will this just get worse? Anybody been through this? Is he just talking smack?


From your post, he is either treating you like a young child or a prisoner with an ankle bracelet.

You knew he was controlling when you married him but I guess he loosened the leash a bit when you were dating so that you would marry him.

I will not tell you to divorce him but I wouldn't stand for it.

Good luck.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I encourage you to put a stop to this IMMEDIATELY! It's not him that sets the limits of how you'll be treated. It's you. 

Unfortunately, when you set those boundaries, he *will* resist and get even more controlling. Before you begin, you should have a plan for what you can do in the worst case scenario (if he should turn physical.) 

I would recommend starting by asking, "Honey, there's something that might be a difficult discussion, but it's one we need to have. When is a good time?" Whether it's right then or later, you need to let him know that while his happiness is very important to you, your own matters just as much, and that you're unhappy that he mistrusts you. If he denies that he mistrusts you, say you're glad to hear it but that you believe otherwise. Then describe that in order for you to believe he trusts you, you must feel that he trusts you to do the right thing when you go out with others. Be very clear that if you cannot have trust between you, you will be evaluating whether to leave the relationship. Don't say anything you don't mean, though. The more times his control attempts work, the more he learns to control. He's out of line, and only you can decide not to interact with people who want to control you.


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