# LAdies are we shallow?



## twenty8 (Jan 31, 2010)

I apologize, but I have to ask what you ladies REALLY think about physical appearance.. Am I shallow to ask my wife to take better care of herself and to watch her weight? I know nobody's perfect but geez why do some men and women let themselves go so bad? I just figured I'd ask.. I for one try to maintain... Mind me im not perfect but who the hell is..


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

It depends. Nothing worse than a big fat guy who wants his lady to stay nice and thin. As long as there is no hypocrisy, I'd say no, not shallow. Well that and if you only cared about her looks and not her over all health.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Do you really think she doesn't KNOW you think she's fat? What do you hope to accomplish by 'asking' her to lose weight??

Right now I need to lose about 40 lbs. I suck at sticking to my guns and working out and eating less. I really suck at it. I know there are people out there who think I am a fat slob. But my husband would never tell me I am fat. In fact he is appalled by some of the threads on here talking about this subject. He says he married ME, not my body, and he loves me still. THIS is what makes we want to stick to it better and damn well lose the weight. If he told me he thinks I am fat, I'd just probably get fatter.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I personaly feel that both genders are equaly shallow.

are you shallow if you don't respect you spouce because they didn't become as sucessfull as you wished.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I think everyone (or most of us) have a line. My husband and I would still love each other - but chances are we wouldn't be sexually attracted to one another. While attraction happens very much so in the mind for me, his actions of taking care of himself, being healthy, and staying in shape is associated with this attraction.

I'm writing this based on him being ABLE to be healthy in this way, that he has the choice. My H doesn't need to have ripped muscles or run a marathon, but I do like that he's aware of his body and health. If he notices his clothes start getting a bit tighter, he will adjust his eating habits slightly and start exercising more. I find it attractive when he gets up and does push ups first thing in the morning. I find it attractive that he loves food but doesn't need to over indulge and doesn't eat fast food. 

We have both talked about this since I came to this board and we feel the same way. If we started gaining a lot of weight, the first thing we'd be concerned with would be WHY - is it emotional/depression/physical? We both find the actions and mindset involved of looking after ourselves as attractive. I currently need to drop a bit of weight, it's not a large amount but enough that my jeans feel tight around the thighs. I'd slacked off in some areas so I'm bringing back my healthier habits. I've been feeling self-conscious about this and hubs said "Don't worry, it's just a little bit of weight and it will drop off once we increase our exercise again. You're still just as beautiful and sexy as ever." While his preferences are important to me, I like to stay within a certain range for myself most of all. I know I feel healthier and more positive within myself when I'm working out and eating well. It's not just about weight to me, it's about the overall outlook/motivation.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I don't care so much about size. But if you are really heavy, don't bother tarting it up with a hundred dollar haircut. We're kind of past that.


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## LimboGirl (Oct 28, 2011)

I think we all have things that matter to us that other people might feel are shallow. You want your wife to be attractive. Does that make you shallow? I don't think so. Unless you won't love and accept her unless she looks like a model. I think it is all about being reasonable. You love her and don't want to lose your attraction for her.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I've come to accept that my husband is shallow when it comes to MY weight. He has never ever said a word about it but I know. He's practically giddy when I'm small....not so much when I'm not.

Therefore I stay small. And truthfully it makes us BOTH happy so it's all good.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I don't think I am shallow. Actually I am far to odd in my tastes to be shallow. 

I'm also removed enough from myself to see that my incessant need to eat healthy, look good, and constant striving to force myself to better care for me is a repercussion of not being "good enough" for a handful of men in my life. 

I'd never want to do that to anyone else. 

The only time I pushed my ex to eat healthier and exercise it was not only to help better motivate me to do the same and give us something for both of us to do together, but also because of his thyroid/weight problem. I wanted to see him feel better about himself and be healthier for himself. Frankly, i still find him insanely attractive hair back and man carpet front and all. 

The only physical "feature" I find unattractive is someone who clearly just does not take care of themselves. There are big people, small people, fat people, fluffy people, and skinny people. If you're not self aware enough to take care of what you are and just let it get worse (i.e. weighing 400lbs and eating 4 meals in one sitting) then it's a complete turn off and almost completely repulsive to me. Especially sitting around being depressed and asking for pitty about it.


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## 33N 96W (Aug 25, 2012)

I have a limited amount of Read Only Memory (brain cells) dedicated to my wife's panties and bra sizes. If she went up in a size, I cannot data dump existing sizes and replace the ROM with all new sizes. 

I'm not shallow just not reprogrammable!


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

That doesn't generally work, though, 33N, even if a woman never gains any weight.  

You can weight the same and wear a totally different size depending on the store/cut/style. It's not like men's clothes where everything is uniform in waist sizes.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

twenty8 said:


> I apologize, but I have to ask what you ladies REALLY think about physical appearance.. Am I shallow to ask my wife to take better care of herself and to watch her weight? I know nobody's perfect but geez why do some men and women let themselves go so bad? I just figured I'd ask.. I for one try to maintain... Mind me im not perfect but who the hell is..


if she is interested in keeping you attracted to her she will consider your request, most likely she will accuse you of not loving her, wanting a porn woman, having unnatural sexual desires, and not doing enough house work. Or she will find someone who loves and desires her just.the.way.she.is

good luck with that one dude


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My wife and I have always kept ourselves physically attractive for our rather active sexual lifestyle. However, I've also met many couples where this wasn't so, including my chef's fiancee.

Eats right, works out EVERY day, remains active, still can't lose the weight. I suggested pole dancing as a hobby which has proven extremely effective but it then turns out that she can't do any strength-based workouts due to her having been pumped steroids as a child to combat a certain medical condition.

It's really tough, but if my wife was like that I doubt I would be able to fault her. Sometimes it's just really tough.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

twenty8 said:


> I apologize, but I have to ask what you ladies REALLY think about physical appearance.. Am I shallow to ask my wife to take better care of herself and to watch her weight? I know nobody's perfect but geez why do some men and women let themselves go so bad? I just figured I'd ask.. I for one try to maintain... Mind me im not perfect but who the hell is..


In my opinion, I don't think people have complete control over what they find attractive or sexually alluring. If their spouse happens to fall out of their attraction comfort zone, I think there is a natural and unavoidable loss of attraction. 

Telling your partner that they are falling or have fallen out of your attraction zone a must. It would be unfair to keep the news from the fallen one. They need the chance to fix things. 

I don't think it is shallow itis in keeping with natural attraction. You're asking your partner, lovingly I hope, to stay where you can show them love by an intimate connection.

I am between 10 - 15 lbs heavier than when we got married. My husband likes me better at this weight. He is about 25 lbs heavier and he is more muscular than he was when we got married. I still find him attractive. 

I he was 50 lbs heavier with a belly, I don't think I would find him attractive.


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