# I need help with making the right decision.



## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

I've been married for 9 years. I have 2 boys and everything in my marriage looked perfect from the outside. My main issue with the marriage is that I have a very poor sex life. My wife never initiates sex and there are lots of things that she doesn't do anymore. It has caused a lot of resentment but I chose to stick it out with the hopes of things one day getting better. Now I only mention the above because it's the reasoning as to why I cheated on my wife. 

There's a woman that I shared a class with last year. I found her attractive but never really payed her too much attention since she was obviously a lot younger than me (8 years younger) and I was married anyway. She sent me a friend request through Facebook which surprised me because I never told her my name. I assumed that she may have gotten it off one of the sign in sheets. We started to chat about homework and eventually talked about our personal lives. She knew I was married because of the pictures on my facebook but she said that she was single. I only wanted to be friends but she pursued me. She showed me the attention that I wasn't getting at home and it didn't help that she was very attractive. 

Our semester ended and I suggested that we keep in touch over the summer and perhaps go out sometime. We started going out to dinner, movies etc...... and our friendship blossomed into a sexual relationship. At the time, it felt great. We had sex multiple times per day and she did everything that my wife didn't. It really made me feel good about myself as I started to feel wanted again. I started to work out more and even my wife noticed that I was in a better mood around the house. Sex with my wife didn't bother me that much anymore because I was getting it somewhere else and it was 100 times better. We both knew the arrangement and that this was only a sex/friendship thing. I never promised to leave my wife for her.

Now the problem is that she told me in November that she is pregnant. I used protection every time but I think I may have slipped up once. She wants to keep the baby and only asks that I support her financially. She is fine with keeping this from my wife. This really has me messed up because I know that I really want to be in the kids life. I know that even if I don't tell my wife, she may find out sometime down the line and hate me even more. What if the kid grows up and starts looking for me? These are all questions that are going through my head and it's driving me nuts. I love my wife and my sons and I don't want to hurt them. Knowing my wife, she may want to divorce after she finds this out. I just don't know if or how I should tell her this. I won't be able to sleep at night knowing that I have a child somewhere that needs me. I also owe my own sons a good life and they don't need to be hurt. 

What's the best way to avoid a fallout? I've been thinking that maybe I could work up the courage to tell my wife but i'm so ashamed that I don't think I can do it. I've thought about just trying to hide it for as long as I can but I just have a feeling that it will come out one day. This is a mess and I need some good help.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

First, DNA, DNA, DNA. There is a test you can get before the baby is born and the only sample you need is the mother's blood. Last I heard it costs about $2000


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Yup, DNA test in order for the baby. This girl pursues married men, she probably has had multiple partners. The only positive you should cling to at this point is the possibly the baby isn't yours.

Immediately come clean and admit everything to your wife. Yes she will be devastated. Man up and admit the truth to her. You don't want to hurt her or the kids. Seriously bro?

Are you still in school? With a wife and two young boys why weren't you working? Well, forget school now. You will need to find two jobs/ 80 hours a week to support all the kids like a man should. Which is just as well. You clearly have had too much free time on your hands- work will fill that free time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

Graywolf2 said:


> First, DNA, DNA, DNA. There is a test you can get before the baby is born and the only sample you need is the mother's blood. Last I heard it costs about $2000


Hmmm I didn't think about that. We've had sex enough that I could believe it was mine but still, anything is possible. I didn't know tests were that much as I thought they would be around $500. Is there a way to take the test discretely without her knowing about it?


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Seriously the right thing...

*"Honey I've cheated on you with a girl who is 100 times better in bed than you and I need $2000 to see if the baby is mine."*


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Yup, DNA test in order for the baby. This girl pursues married men, she probably has had multiple partners. The only positive you should cling to at this point is the possibly the baby isn't yours.
> 
> Immediately come clean and admit everything to your wife. Yes she will be devastated. Man up and admit the truth to her. You don't want to hurt her or the kids. Seriously bro?
> 
> ...


Well I was going to school full time and my wife works full time. I still have enough income from other sources that I think I can support another child if I have to. The DNA test is a good idea but wouldn't it make sense to tell my wife after the results from the test come back? I don't see why I would tell her now if I'm not sure that the baby is mine.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

Hecter said:


> Hmmm I didn't think about that. We've had sex enough that I could believe it was mine but still, anything is possible. I didn't know tests were that much as I thought they would be around $500. Is there a way to take the test discretely without her knowing about it?


Discretely taking a blood sample from a pregnant woman is about as likely to succeed as discretely funneling $800+ per month away from your family to your baby mama OW :crazy:

Tell your wife the truth - the WHOLE TRUTH. She deserves it, and she will find out eventually. You really think you can keep the OW and OC quiet for 18+ years? Really?? The longer you wait, the worse you will hurt your poor betrayed wife and kids. 

Also, your wife needs to file for child support before the OW does, since the largest 'slice of the pie' goes to she who files first. As the OW had the knowledge that she was having a baby with a married man and your wife was, by your design, clueless, I think you need to give your wife and kids the competitive edge here. And if you don't think you and the OW are going to end up in child support court, I have a bridge to sell you...


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Hecter said:


> Well I was going to school full time and my wife works full time. I still have enough income from other sources that I think I can support another child if I have to. The DNA test is a good idea but wouldn't it make sense to tell my wife after the results from the test come back? I don't see why I would tell her now if I'm not sure that the baby is mine.


When is the baby due? I don't know anything about the tests before the baby is born, I imagine they are much cheaper and easier after the baby is born.

So you were in school full time, your wife worked full time to pay for your school, and the kids, and everything else. And you wonder why sex wasn't on the top of her to-do list?

Who paid for all the dinners and movies if you weren't working and were in school?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> When is the baby due? I don't know anything about the tests before the baby is born, I imagine they are much cheaper and easier after the baby is born.
> 
> So you were in school full time, your wife worked full time to pay for your school, and the kids, and everything else. And you wonder why sex wasn't on the top of her to-do list?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's due in August. My wife didn't pay for my school and I still pay the majority of the bills since I have other sources of income. I still don't give my wife a pass on the sex because all it takes is 5 minutes to satisfy someone. She put no effort in our sex life and this was the outcome. She is just as much to blame IMO.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Hecter said:


> She is just as much to blame IMO.


Your opinion is false and disgusting.

Man up. Use those balls for something besides making babies. Come clean and divorce your wife if you are that unhappy with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No offense, but the "Avoid Fallout" ship sailed months ago. Your best hope (IMHO) is to cut things off with the other woman, and confess to your wife. Regardless of fathering a child, you've been cheating on your wife for months. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Welsh15 (Feb 24, 2014)

Hecter said:


> She's due in August. My wife didn't pay for my school and I still pay the majority of the bills since I have other sources of income. I still don't give my wife a pass on the sex because all it takes is 5 minutes to satisfy someone. She put no effort in our sex life and this was the outcome. She is just as much to blame IMO.


It is unbelievable that you would say that. You stepped out of the marriage and she is to blame for your actions? You should have done the right thing and separated first. Man up and accept the consequences. You get no sympathy here.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Hecter said:


> She's due in August. My wife didn't pay for my school and I still pay the majority of the bills since I have other sources of income. I still don't give my wife a pass on the sex because all it takes is 5 minutes to satisfy someone. She put no effort in our sex life and this was the outcome. She is just as much to blame IMO.


5 minutes... no wonder she doesn't want to have sex with you. I think an hour is a quickee.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Hecter said:


> Well I was going to school full time and my wife works full time. I still have enough income from other sources that I think I can support another child if I have to. The DNA test is a good idea but wouldn't it make sense to tell my wife after the results from the test come back? I don't see why I would tell her now if I'm not sure that the baby is mine.


Well, your first posts says the other woman is better than your wife, so why are you worried? 



> She's due in August. My wife didn't pay for my school and I still pay the majority of the bills since I have other sources of income.


My wife didn't pay for my education either. Yet, strange how having a home address, food, dinner and all of that other stuff is mutual.....Hmmmmm....


Stop with the attempt at subtlety with "other sources of income" it isn't as mysterious as you think. It's actually quite condescending, considering it is all your wife's fault.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Hecter said:


> She's due in August. My wife didn't pay for my school and I still pay the majority of the bills since I have other sources of income. I still don't give my wife a pass on the sex because all it takes is 5 minutes to satisfy someone. She put no effort in our sex life and this was the outcome. She is just as much to blame IMO.


She is only to blame if you had said her "Hey wife we have no sex life and I am tired of it. If it is ok with you I will be having sex with someone else who is attracted to me" otherwise this is all on you. To argue your point of contention on this site will be a very frustrating process for you................trust me.


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Well, your first posts says the other woman is better than your wife, so why are you worried?


Because I know that this will destroy my family and I know my wife would most likely want a divorce when/if she finds out. She almost left me before just because I sent inappropriate texts to another woman. I know she will freak out after this. My kids don't deserve to be separated from me and their whole lives would change in an instant. As fas as everyone is concerned right now, everything is going good in our life.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Hecter said:


> Hmmm I didn't think about that. We've had sex enough that I could believe it was mine but still, anything is possible. I didn't know tests were that much as I thought they would be around $500. Is there a way to take the test discretely without her knowing about it?


After the baby is born you can get a DNA kit at WalMart or online for $30. You swab the inside of your cheek and the baby's and mail it to a lab and pay about $130 more. 

The test before the baby is born requires a small amount of your blood and the mom's. That's the one that costs about $2000.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Hector,

1. The reason you cheated is because you have no morals and you screwed over your wife and your family. You are a pretty low for of life in many people's eyes. You should make amends for your actions.

2. 5 minutes for sex??? I cook for my girl and her son, we spend time together, but when we are alone, it's not for 5 minutes. That is a shame. Shame on you! Take your time brother, it is not a race!

3. If you and your wife have sexual problems that is it's own issue. You cheated because you wanted to. Blaming your wife shows you to be weak and selfish. You cheated because you wanted to. If you have issues with your wife sexually, then go to MC. DO NOT CHEAT!

4. This girl pursued you? She looks like she might want a handout. She will most likely blackmail you to your wife if you do not pay. The truth is coming out one way or another. You don't need a ticket to get on the karma bus, it is about to run you over.

5. Your wife needs to know what is going on. You should be the one who tells her. She will find out one way or another. This other girl does not sound legit. I would definitely DNA the baby.

Also, your actions are pretty despicable. You really need to get your act straight and learn what it is like to be a man. It's a good time to start so start by taking responsibility for what you did.

Good luck to you.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Hecter said:


> Because I know that this will destroy my family and I know my wife would most likely want a divorce when/if she finds out. She almost left me before just because I sent inappropriate texts to another woman. I know she will freak out after this. My kids don't deserve to be separated from me and their whole lives would change in an instant. As fas as everyone is concerned right now, everything is going good in our life.


Your wife has good intuition. Your kids deserve a man for a father. Yet is seems that are stuck with you. You need to learn to be a man. Spreading your love around is not the way. Doing what is right and setting an example for your children is what you should be doing.

You are pretty much full of crap. You are selfish, short sighted, and you don't really care for your wife or your family or you would not be doing things that will bring them so much pain.


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

To clarify the 5 minutes remark, I didn't mean that I only want to sleep with my wife for 5 minutes. I meant that I can be happy with that much time. She complains about being too busy and then tired at the end of the day. I just felt she could show me a little bit more time that what she has. She has tried to dictate our sex life and when we do have sex, she kills the mood for me. Telling me what positions I can't do and telling me that I won't get a BJ. Seriously this makes me upset because what women wouldn't expect a man to cheat after putting up with this. 

Still, I know I was wrong. I never meant for it to come to this even though it has. It looks like the best thing for me to do is to try to lay low until the baby is born and then do the DNA test. It if comes back that it is mine, I will take care of my responsibility and also find a way to tell my wife. I'm not worrying about her blackmailing me if it isn't my kid.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Hecter said:


> Because I know that this will destroy my family and I know my wife would most likely want a divorce when/if she finds out. She almost left me before just because I sent inappropriate texts to another woman. I know she will freak out after this.


UGHHH. Damn this woman and her high expectations and self respect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Hecter said:


> To clarify the 5 minutes remark, I didn't mean that I only want to sleep with my wife for 5 minutes. I meant that I can be happy with that much time. She complains about being too busy and then tired at the end of the day. I just felt she could show me a little bit more time that what she has. She has tried to dictate our sex life and when we do have sex, she kills the mood for me. Telling me what positions I can't do and telling me that I won't get a BJ. Seriously this makes me upset because what women wouldn't expect a man to cheat after putting up with this.
> 
> Still, I know I was wrong. I never meant for it to come to this even though it has. It looks like the best thing for me to do is to try to lay low until the baby is born and then do the DNA test. It if comes back that it is mine, I will take care of my responsibility and also find a way to tell my wife. I'm not worrying about her blackmailing me if it isn't my kid.


Of course she is tired. She works full time. She takes care of two young children, the house, the meals, everything. All while you are going out on dinner dates, movies, with some gold digger being of zero help to her whatsoever.

Divorce her now. She deserves a man who will treat her like she deserves to be treated. And ideally those boys will then have a father figure in their life that would actually be a positive influence on them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hecter said:


> Because I know that this will destroy my family and I know my wife would most likely want a divorce when/if she finds out. She almost left me before just because I sent inappropriate texts to another woman. I know she will freak out after this. My kids don't deserve to be separated from me and their whole lives would change in an instant. As fas as everyone is concerned right now, everything is going good in our life.


Then I guess you should have kept your pecker in your pants... Unfortunately, that's not an option. So now what do you want from us? You've likely got some very real and undeniable evidence of your infidelity coming down the tracks. Your affair partner has every legal right to take you to court, and you'll be paying child support for the next 18+ years. Money that, even if you're living comfortably now, could have been spent on your kids, their education, your family.

It won't help, but I also cheated on my wife. At the time, I justified my decisions the same way you are. But you need to accept that your decision to cheat was entirely your choice, no matter what your wife did or didn't do. You had the option of leaving your wife prior to cheating on her, but you didn't do that. 

C


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Let me explain something simple to you.

I am a single dad. I am usually home at 10PM nightly and up at 6AM. I get 3-4 hours of sleep.

My gf is nice and sweet and is a single mom. When I go over to her house. I cook for her. I help her clean up, and I let her son pick the movie we all watch.

Because I show interest in her and I do things for her that she likes. We don't have problems. The problem with you is YOU ARE SELFISH! You may want a woman to be in the Reverse Cowgirl position, well that is awesome. She might like it if when she came home, you had all the laundry done, had dinner on the table, kids homework done, her favorite music playing and a scented candle burning, but wait this is all about you...

That's the problem with you... it is all about you. That attitude that you have is going to doom you to a miserable end. Like I said learn to be a man.

Real men change diapers, cook, clean, sew, and know how to use a bunt pan. My banana split cake is awesome by the way!


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> Real men change diapers, cook, clean, sew, and know how to use a bunt pan. My banana split cake is awesome by the way!


Now there is some cake we all should eat!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

MovingAhead said:


> Let me explain something simple to you.
> 
> I am a single dad. I am usually home at 10PM nightly and up at 6AM. I get 3-4 hours of sleep.
> 
> ...


I don't doubt that you are happy with your girlfriend but how would you feel if the sex was inadequate? What if the sex was non-existent due to her choice only? That's why it makes me upset. Some of those things you've done, I've done too. I've cleaned up the house and made bubble bath etc......It's just after so long of being tired and frustrated that I just couldn't take it anymore. Of course I had an option to leave and I thought that by staying, I was taking the high road. What kind of man would I be to leave my family high and dry because I'm not being satisfied sexually? I'm just not that kind of person. I decided to stay and deal with it for their benefit even though I was unhappy.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

_Originally Posted by Hecter View Post
She is just as much to blame IMO._

So would it be okay if she had an affair and got knocked up? I mean you did it so it would be okay right?

I would tell you wife that you have another baby on the way. 

What if you piss off you WO one day and she files CS or tells you wife to get back at you.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

_I sent inappropriate texts to another woman_

Could this be the reason why she doesn't want sex with you?


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

lovelyblue said:


> _Originally Posted by Hecter View Post
> She is just as much to blame IMO._
> 
> So would it be okay if she had an affair and got knocked up? I mean you did it so it would be okay right?
> ...


If my wife had an valid reason for cheating then I would understand that it was my fault. The problem is that I have not denied her sex. I've tried and tried and to fix it and it didn't work. She was happy with our sex life because she dictated it. The only time I felt happy and free was when I was sleeping with the other woman because I was no longer sexually frustrated and my needs were being met. Everything else with my wife and kids is wonderful besides this.


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## _z_ (Feb 15, 2014)

You write, "What kind of man would I be to leave my family high and dry because I'm not being satisfied sexually? I'm just not that kind of person."

Hate to break it to you, but you've already left your family high and dry. You are that type of person.


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

Hecter said:


> If my wife had an valid reason for cheating then I would understand that it was my fault. The problem is that I have not denied her sex. I've tried and tried and to fix it and it didn't work. She was happy with our sex life because she dictated it. The only time I felt happy and free was when I was sleeping with the other woman because I was no longer sexually frustrated and my needs were being met. Everything else with my wife and kids is wonderful besides this.


There's no denying that a sex-strangling harpy is a serious problem. 

But YOUR problem is that you could have laid down the law on this. Drawn a line in the sand. 

"If you're not willing to give me what I need in bed, we're going to part ways." 

It's easy. Or rather, simple. A male will do a simple and direct thing every time. But you cheated, which is the antithesis of simplicity and directness. Like a I3itch. I3itches always try to manipulate and warp reality and consequences around them. That's what makes them I3itches. 

You can't do anything about the past. You screwed it up. But you can grow a **** and own up to it. She will respect you for it even if she divorces you, which she should, and probably will.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

_ I've tried and tried and to fix it and it didn't work. _

Did you try marriage counseling or try and to get her to see a doctor?


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

lovelyblue said:


> _ I've tried and tried and to fix it and it didn't work. _
> 
> Did you try marriage counseling or try and to get her to see a doctor?


We've tried marriage counseling in the past but we always quit after 2-3 sessions. She doesn't need to see a doctor as this is all her doing. She dictates when and how we can have sex and trust me, it isn't satisfying. Some days I've satisfied her orally and the best I could get was a hand job. Her excuse is that she was tired. I know I'm getting beat up here for what I did but I'm sure any other man wouldn't put up with this as long as I have. She should be grateful that I stuck around for this long. I do love her and I love my kids but I feel that if I was satisfied sexually, I would have never stepped outside the marriage.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Don't change a thing . Hire your GF as a consultant related to work. That will help you explain the cash outflow to your wife. Then keep "hoping" your relationship with your wife gets better. In the mean time you have your hot younger piece on the side. What could possibly go wrong? Oh yeah, that's right everything. GF can blackmail you and wife will find out eventually. 

If you are so unhappy in your marriage that you think impregnating another woman is justifiable, why are you still married?


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

Hecter said:


> We've tried marriage counseling in the past but we always quit after 2-3 sessions. She doesn't need to see a doctor as this is all her doing. She dictates when and how we can have sex and trust me, it isn't satisfying. Some days I've satisfied her orally and the best I could get was a hand job. Her excuse is that she was tired. I know I'm getting beat up here for what I did but I'm sure any other man wouldn't put up with this as long as I have. She should be grateful that I stuck around for this long. I do love her and I love my kids but I feel that if I was satisfied sexually, I would have never stepped outside the marriage.


I would never put up with it. But I wouldn't cheat on her. I'd leave her. You need to come to terms with this. This is your fault, not hers.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

_We've tried marriage counseling in the past but we always quit after 2-3 sessions. She doesn't need to see a doctor_

I bet this is the problem. You guys never really worked out the root of your issues.

I know who frustrating you wife was just life my partner/bf. I talked to him over and over again. I tried different way to say things and nothing changed or it changed very little.

I went off to school met other guys and thought about cheating on him. But I didn't I left him.

I still think that you should tell you wife about the baby. Also your children need to know that they have another sibling.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Hecter,

Your big problem is that you got the order of things all wrong.

The correct order is: First you divorce. Then you find another woman and have lots of sex with her. Then you have more children with said other woman.

This simple error means that you have a big, heavy train heading down the tracks aimed right at you.

There is no avoiding this train. You are done for.

Your BW and children will be badly, badly hurt by this for the rest of their lives. They will definitely find out. If not right away, then certainly at some point.

You may as well start getting used to the idea that the vast majority of people in the world do NOT think that your rotten sex life justifies in any way what you did. The people here represent the norm. You will have to face the fact that you will be viewed very badly for the rest of your life because of this.

You haven't been an honorable man. The best you can do at this point is to act honorably from this point on. Tell your poor wife what you have done. Get it over with. It will definitely come out sooner or later. If she doesn't divorce you because of the affair and love child, she will most likely divorce you because you are so misguidedly self-justifying. She deserves to know. It is, after all, her life and marriage, too.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Hecter said:


> Because I know that this will destroy my family and I know my wife would most likely want a divorce when/if she finds out. She almost left me before just because I sent inappropriate texts to another woman. I know she will freak out after this. My kids don't deserve to be separated from me and their whole lives would change in an instant. As fas as everyone is concerned right now, everything is going good in our life.


Should of thought of this before you did the deed, regardless of the poor sex situation.



> She wants to keep the baby and only asks that I support her financially. She is fine with keeping this from my wife.


Yep, well you'll see won't you. I hope you'll be honest and keep posting. I'd like to see if this dishonest person, she wants to help you hide something from your wife, keeps this promise when she thinks she deserves more money.



Hecter said:


> but I'm sure any other man wouldn't put up with this as long as I have.


You need the threads, from men and women, that prove your assertion wrong?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

This is one of those threads where we only get one side of the story and I think it is woefully inadequate.

Hecter, you said your wife almost left you before for inappropriate texting, then you said she was lucky you didn't leave...

I think you are the lucky one. I think you are selfish and probably lazy and the reason she doesn't satisfy you sexually is because you don't satisfy her emotionally.

Stop making excuses for your bad behavior. Nobody here is buying any of the crap you are selling. Own your actions. Only then can you start the process of being a man instead of an adult male.


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## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

Hecter said:


> She's due in August. My wife didn't pay for my school and I still pay the majority of the bills since I have other sources of income. I still don't give my wife a pass on the sex because all it takes is 5 minutes to satisfy someone. She put no effort in our sex life and this was the outcome. She is just as much to blame IMO.


yeah man, no. She is not to blame. She is to blame for you being unhappy that you dont have sex. You are to blame, 100% for cheating and knocking up another woman. Period.


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

happi_g_more2 said:


> yeah man, no. She is not to blame. She is to blame for you being unhappy that you dont have sex. You are to blame, 100% for cheating and knocking up another woman. Period.


I'm sorry but I don't agree with this. Her actions led to my cheating. There's just no other way around it so we are both wrong. I call it like I see it.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

So, you "need help in making the right decision"?

You made very poor decisions so far. Don't you agree?

Besides this girl you knocked up and the one you were apparently caught sexting, how many other girls have you hit on while married?

From your own admission you are:
1. Jobless
2. A poor parent (..you've spent time with your gf that belonged to your family)
3. A womanizer

Do your wife and kids a huge favor that they will treasure for the rest of their lives....get out and stay out of their lives.


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

Wow. Just wow.

Is this person real? I mean they seem real. Weird.

Will you ever see that only you make your decisions? I mean did your wife slip into your brain one night and cheat on herself?

You couldn't throw all that sexual energy at her? You know, like man up and show some confidence and self-worth at her? You need a blow job that badly? Having a hard time getting it up? Surely it's all her fault, right? I mean your limp d*ck is clearly her fault. Hey someone else helped that little thing harden up, right? Someone new and exciting, right?

What's marriage worth to you?

Do you remember your wedding vows?

Did you write them yourself?

Did you look _your wife_ in the eyes when you spoke them?

What were you wearing on your wedding day?

What was she wearing?

Who threw the flowers?

Do you have pictures?

Go look at them.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

If you weren't satisfied sexually then the mature thing to have done was to divorce and find someone who meets those needs. 

Cheating is never the answer to marital issues, your life is proof of that. 

Do your wife a favor and leave the marriage. She can find someone who appreciates her and isn't bothered by her LD. And you can move on to a hopefully honest life that doesn't consist of lies and deceit. 

You will never be happy playing games like this.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

Hecter said:


> I'm sorry but I don't agree with this. Her actions led to my cheating. There's just no other way around it so we are both wrong. I call it like I see it.


Okay then..

Now you action may cause your wife to divorce you and take the kids with her.

Your actions may cause you children to hate you and their half brother or sister.

Was cheating worth losing you wife and your children love & respect?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Hecter said:


> I still don't give my wife a pass on the sex because all it takes is 5 minutes to satisfy someone. She put no effort in our sex life and this was the outcome. She is just as much to blame IMO.


Ummm.... sorry Hecter. You're wife may be guilty of not having sex with you, thus ultimately leading to the demise of your marriage. But blaming her for this "outcome" is ridiculous. She didn't MAKE you cheat, you did that all on your own.

The honorable thing would have been to tell her you're leaving if things don't improve sexually. Then give her a fair chance to improve the situation.

Instead you snuck around behind her back for months, knocked up the OW, and now want to blame your wife for all of it!

Grow up... Tell your wife the truth and accept your lumps. Who knows? Maybe she'll forgive you and you can work it out. Maybe the baby isn't even yours. Either way, your wife deserves to know the truth about you.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Hecter said:


> I'm sorry but I don't agree with this. Her actions led to my cheating. There's just no other way around it so we are both wrong. I call it like I see it.


OK then... So why not tell her?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Hecter said:


> I'm sorry but I don't agree with this. Her actions led to my cheating. There's just no other way around it so we are both wrong. I call it like I see it.


IMO a cheater is 100% responsible for their actions. Your wife did not force you to do anything. And to say "I call it like I see it", shows how rude you can be. Shows a person who talks with no consequences. 

If you want to call it like you see it, then tell your wife you knocked up another woman. But you won't because you will pick and choose when to be rude and when not to be rude. If it benefits you then the "I call it as I see it", applies, if it does not benefit you then you will dismiss it.

Many of us understand the frustration of the sex issue in your marriage. But cheating has consequences as you found out. And how long do you think you can hide this?

If you were a man who lives by the "I call it as I see it", principle, then why not man up and tell your wife and after you tell her about the affair and pregnancy, tell her "I call it as I see it".

Seems to me that you are a typical cheater who justifies thier imoral life style by blameshifting.


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

I'm not the "typical cheater". The typical cheater tries to hurt everyone in their path and cheats even when things are going great. I did none of that. I was backed into a wall and succumbed to the temptation. I know it's easy to throw stones but you would understand if you were in my shoes. I should not have to put up with a woman who denies me sex and like I said before, she's lucky I stuck around for this long. I do still love her but if it wasn't for our sons, I would have left long ago. 

As far as this situation is concerned, I'm going to wait it out until the baby is born. If he is mine then I will take care of him and consider telling my wife. I figure she is going to find out one day so it's better to hear it from me. If the baby isn't mine, I'm just going to learn my lesson from this and try to refocus on my family. I won't tell me wife what I've done but I'm hoping I can shape her into the woman she needs to be so this doesn't happen again.


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## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

Hecter said:


> I'm not the "typical cheater". The typical cheater tries to hurt everyone in their path and cheats even when things are going great. I did none of that. I was backed into a wall and succumbed to the temptation. I know it's easy to throw stones but you would understand if you were in my shoes. I should not have to put up with a woman who denies me sex and like I said before, she's lucky I stuck around for this long. I do still love her but if it wasn't for our sons, I would have left long ago.
> 
> As far as this situation is concerned, I'm going to wait it out until the baby is born. If he is mine then I will take care of him and consider telling my wife. I figure she is going to find out one day so it's better to hear it from me. If the baby isn't mine, I'm just going to learn my lesson from this and try to refocus on my family. I won't tell me wife what I've done but I'm hoping I can shape her into the woman she needs to be so this doesn't happen again.


You're funny. Honestly, not really even sure why you are here. You could have googled DNA tests. Have fun spreadin your seed. Hope your wife finds a the man she deserves.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

imamess is that you hun? You have something you wanna tell me?


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Gah, and I thought CWI stood for "Coping With Infidelity", not "Coping With Other Woman and the Baby-Not-Sure-Whose".


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

Here's the thing, Hecter, I call it like I see it, too. You think you've got this all figured out and you want to tell us all the answers? Last time I looked, you're the one whose poor decision making and weak character led to cheating on your wife and getting someone else knocked up. Your life is about to be torn apart because you can't man up, yet you're going to tell us how it's all someone else's fault? And the only reason you're here is to lessen the fallout, so if the baby isn't yours, you will keep hiding this from your wife. Look at your life, buddy. Might be time to humble yourself. Listen to other people for a change, since it doesn't look like you're doing so great with your own "opinions" over there. 

I feel horrible for your family. I hope you man up, be a role model for once.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Hecter said:


> I'm not the "typical cheater". The typical cheater tries to hurt everyone in their path and cheats even when things are going great.


How do you know what a "typical cheater" is?!?! Cheaters don't typically cheat when "things are going great." You need to do some serious research on statistics before you post such an inane comment!

Your willingness to absolve yourself of ALL guilt and blame it ALL on your wife makes me want to puke.

Why didn't you just tell her, "This is unacceptable. If things don't change, I am leaving and I WILL find someone who loves me and wants to have sex with me."

THEN go f*ck the OW.



> I won't tell me wife what I've done but I'm hoping I can shape her into the woman she needs to be so this doesn't happen again.


You're hoping to "shape" her into what you want her to be?! Why don't you man up, tell her the truth, and grow some b*lls to go along with that roaming d*ck of yours.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Seems like a lot of people are excusing his frigid wife. I think she got what she deserved. But now it's time to own up to it and tell her. It's time to leave, why would you want to salvage something with a sexless wife anyway?


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Seems like a lot of people are excusing his frigid wife. I think she got what she deserved. But now it's time to own up to it and tell her. It's time to leave, why would you want to salvage something with a sexless wife anyway?


No one deserves a frigid spouse and yet no one deserves to get cheated on either. Frigidity is not an excuse to cheat. There is no excuse to cheat. They need to work it out or end it. If he leaves he can go screw all of the willing participants he can find. 

No one is "excusing" his wife. However, he is being called out on his blame shifting.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

Hecter said:


> I'm not the "typical cheater". The typical cheater tries to hurt everyone in their path and cheats even when things are going great. I did none of that. I was backed into a wall and succumbed to the temptation. I know it's easy to throw stones but you would understand if you were in my shoes. I should not have to put up with a woman who denies me sex and like I said before, she's lucky I stuck around for this long. I do still love her but if it wasn't for our sons, I would have left long ago.


ugh.
cheaters are cheaters. where did you get the idea that they are out to intentionally hurt others? yes their actions hurt others buy MANY affairs start out just as yours did.
yes, i'd say your situation is very typical.

and ffs, stop acting like you're doing your wife some big favor by sticking around. it's disgusting.


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Seems like a lot of people are excusing his frigid wife. I think she got what she deserved. But now it's time to own up to it and tell her. It's time to leave, why would you want to salvage something with a sexless wife anyway?


Excusing her? For what? It isn't her fault her husband isn't man enough to end it. Did she deserve a divorce? Probably. But no one deserves to be cheated on.

And the whole "poor me, I'm just trying to be a martyr and stay together for the family" act doesn't really work when you're impregnating someone else. JSYK hecter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

distraughtfromtexas said:


> Excusing her? For what? It isn't her fault her husband isn't man enough to end it.
> 
> And the whole "poor me, I'm just trying to be a martyr and stay together for the family" act doesn't really work when you're impregnating someone else. JSYK hecter.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


sometimes I think people just say stuff to get a reaction. Excuse her frigidity? Hector sounds like a real piece of work. No wonder she didnt want to sleep with him. I think we all know there is no excuse for cheating. You either work through it or leave.


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

happi_g_more2 said:


> sometimes I think people just say stuff to get a reaction. Excuse her frigidity? Hector sounds like a real piece of work. No wonder she didnt want to sleep with him. I think we all know there is no excuse for cheating. You either work through it or leave.


There are 2 sides to every story, now that we already see what kind of person he is from HIS OWN account, can you IMAGINE what his wife could add? It's just appalling! I feel so sad for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

_I think she got what she deserved._

What about his innocent children?

Do they deserve a broken home? What about their half brother or sister do that baby deserve know one day that he or she came about from an affair?


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

_ but you would understand if you were in my shoes_

I have been in your shoes. However I left my partner/bf I didn't cheat on him.

-(And yes I had tons of chances to cheat and get away with it)-


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

lovelyblue said:


> _ but you would understand if you were in my shoes_
> 
> I have been in your shoes. However I left my partner/bf I didn't cheat on him.
> 
> -(And yes I had tons of chances to cheat and get away with it)-


Were you facing alimony and child support when you left? I doubt it. It's easy for a woman to leave. Anyway, I agree that he shouldn't have cheated. But I don't think the answers are all so black and white. His wife has a share of the culpability here. Any woman with half a brain knows that you can't sexually starve your husband for years without consequences.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Seems like a lot of people are excusing his frigid wife. I think she got what she deserved. But now it's time to own up to it and tell her. It's time to leave, why would you want to salvage something with a sexless wife anyway?


We don't know if he's even telling the truth. He's a cheater and trying to justify his behavior. He's probably exaggerating about the wife not having sex with him. I'm sure she puts out but of course she's not hanging from the chandeliers anymore so I guess in his cheating mind it's okay to have an affair.

He sounds like a turn off. Living the college life, while his wife is working full time and taking care of the house and kids, (notice how he never defends himself here when anyone mentions this). She's probably exhausted and angry that he isn't contributing to the family. What kind of man is that?


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Were you facing alimony and child support when you left? I doubt it. It's easy for a woman to leave. Anyway, I agree that he shouldn't have cheated. But I don't think the answers are all so black and white. His wife has a share of the culpability here. Any woman with half a brain knows that you can't sexually starve your husband for years without consequences.


All he says in his first post is that she doesn't initiates sex, (probably because she's unattracted), and that she doesn't do things that she used to do, (she's exhausted from running a household by herself because he's Mr. College Man). Later he says she denies him sex but that could mean out of every 3 initiations, she denies him 1 time or that she denies him every other time. He's never stated that she's been denying him for weeks, months for years.


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Seems like a lot of people are excusing his frigid wife. I think she got what she deserved. But now it's time to own up to it and tell her. It's time to leave, why would you want to salvage something with a sexless wife anyway?


At least somebody here gets it. I'm not saying I was innocent. I'm saying that her actions led to me cheating. That's all. It would be pretty absurd to just say that everything was my fault and that she didn't have a hand in this. And to answer your question, I want her to change. I've read about people being in messed up sexual relationships and recovering from it. I want that to be us. I love her but I can't think to spend the rest of my life in a one sided sexual relationship.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Hecter said:


> At least somebody here gets it. I'm not saying I was innocent. I'm saying that her actions led to me cheating. That's all. It would be pretty absurd to just say that everything was my fault and that she didn't have a hand in this. And to answer your question, I want her to change. I've read about people being in messed up sexual relationships and recovering from it. I want that to be us. I love her but I can't think to spend the rest of my life in a one sided sexual relationship.


Go to avoiceformen.com you can read the horror stories.


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

soccermom2three said:


> We don't know if he's even telling the truth. He's a cheater and trying to justify his behavior. He's probably exaggerating about the wife not having sex with him. I'm sure she puts out but of course she's not hanging from the chandeliers anymore so I guess in his cheating mind it's okay to have an affair.
> 
> He sounds like a turn off. Living the college life, while his wife is working full time and taking care of the house and kids, (notice how he never defends himself here when anyone mentions this). She's probably exhausted and angry that he isn't contributing to the family. What kind of man is that?


Everything I've said here is true. I have not added any details. Sex was great before we had our first son. After that, things slowed down. I remember the days when we would have sex multiple times per day and she did any act or position that I asked. She eventually started to slow down and now she makes excuses. No blow jobs, no doggy. Just little stupid things like that. Some nights I pleasure her orally and I don't get anything in return. She claims she is tired. It's just always excuses.

So tell me, should a man my age live the rest of his life in this situation? Should I take pills to lower my sex drive because my wife isn't up for it as much as before? the truth is that I fell for another woman and had sex. It was wrong but I know for a fact that I would not have done it if I was getting it at home. And that's what intrigued me about the other woman. She did everything I asked and actually pleasured me. I did not have to clean the entire house just for the possibility that I might get a hand job later. No woman can put her man in this situation and expect him not to cheat. If you corner a dog, he will come out fighting!!!


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

Hmm, let's all paint with a broad brush. I've been in your shoes with a sexless marriage. I loved the victim chair I was sitting in, plus I had a whole dept of willing women working with me who told me how great a husband I was. But I didn't cheat. That's the cowards way out. I had the really difficult discussions with my wife because I love her and respect her. I found out along the way that I was 50% responsible for my sexless marriage! I was too consumed with my career and she felt neglected and left behind. We've overcome that to be a better and stronger couple with and active sex life and a mutual respect for each other's feelings. I like to think that's how a man handles it, no matter how awkward or numerous the 'talks'. 

You reap what you sow, friend, don't expect any sympathy on this forum for your cowardly way out. 

Regards, 
V (13)




Hecter said:


> Everything I've said here is true. I have not added any details. Sex was great before we had our first son. After that, things slowed down. I remember the days when we would have sex multiple times per day and she did any act or position that I asked. She eventually started to slow down and now she makes excuses. No blow jobs, no doggy. Just little stupid things like that. Some nights I pleasure her orally and I don't get anything in return. She claims she is tired. It's just always excuses.
> 
> So tell me, should a man my age live the rest of his life in this situation? Should I take pills to lower my sex drive because my wife isn't up for it as much as before? the truth is that I fell for another woman and had sex. It was wrong but I know for a fact that I would not have done it if I was getting it at home. And that's what intrigued me about the other woman. She did everything I asked and actually pleasured me. I did not have to clean the entire house just for the possibility that I might get a hand job later. No woman can put her man in this situation and expect him not to cheat. If you corner a dog, he will come out fighting!!!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hecter said:


> Everything I've said here is true. I have not added any details. Sex was great before we had our first son. After that, things slowed down. I remember the days when we would have sex multiple times per day and she did any act or position that I asked. She eventually started to slow down and now she makes excuses. No blow jobs, no doggy. Just little stupid things like that. Some nights I pleasure her orally and I don't get anything in return. She claims she is tired. It's just always excuses.
> 
> So tell me, should a man my age live the rest of his life in this situation? Should I take pills to lower my sex drive because my wife isn't up for it as much as before? the truth is that I fell for another woman and had sex. It was wrong but I know for a fact that I would not have done it if I was getting it at home. And that's what intrigued me about the other woman. She did everything I asked and actually pleasured me. I did not have to clean the entire house just for the possibility that I might get a hand job later. No woman can put her man in this situation and expect him not to cheat. If you corner a dog, he will come out fighting!!!


But all you had to do was tell your wife you wanted out, first... 

C


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hecter said:


> She's due in August. My wife didn't pay for my school and I still pay the majority of the bills since I have other sources of income. I still don't give my wife a pass on the sex because all it takes is 5 minutes to satisfy someone. She put no effort in our sex life and this was the outcome. She is just as much to blame IMO.


It only takes 5 minutes to satisfy someone? Really? It only takes 5 minutes to satisfy your wife sexually? 

Generally when someone does not want to have sex it's because they are not happy in the marriage. You wife has not been happy in the marriage for a long time apparently. What did the two of you do to try to fix your marriage?

You and your wife share 50/50 the responsibility for the state of your marriage.

You hold 100% of the responsibility for your terrible choice to have an affair and father a baby out of it. That's all on you.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Hector

Let’s assume you are correct and your wife has starved you for sex and is being very inconsiderate of you and selfish. That is a very dangereous situation in a marriage. All the moralizing and name calling in the world will not affect some men and women when they are sexually starved.

Hector, you made several mistakes. The first is that you should have done everything that would please your wife that you could do and I am not just talking about sexually. Learn what she appreciates and responds to then you should have done it. If she still was selfish and inconsiderate you should have been up front with her and told her that the sexual problem is a super serious problem and that you are willing to go to counseling with her to get it better. If she was still selfish and inconsiderate then you make a plan to leave her and find someone that will satisfy you sexually. First divorce then get sex from another woman. *I say this because you have shown that the sex issue is a determining factor in your life.*



I do not know if you did any of the above but what I know you did was to betray yourself, your wife, and your children. Now you want to put part of the blame on your wife for your part of the failure. Your wife, if true, does have the blame for being selfish and inconsiderate but that does not excuse your actions at all. *You committed the mother of all relationship killers; you had sex with another woman without being up front and divorcing first.*


Now you are in a SHYT pot full of troubles that you are tiring to find a light way out. It isn’t going to happen. Here is why:


You are very resentful of your wife about the sex issue

You made several huge mistakes and the big one was that you betrayed your whole family

You are trying to cover up as much as you can

You think that you can balance all these huge mistakes and come out without decades of trouble.

You still are very upset about your wife’s sex with you and will not be satisfied with the current attitude that you have

No matter how much you cover up it will come out in different ways; it maybe take years but it will come out



Even if the baby is not yours your marriage is toast
Assuming the baby is yours your marriage is burnt toast!


*You should get good professional advice on how to manage this train crash.* Unless you can get your attitude and the sex issues with your wife resolved your marriage is 100% over. *Even if you get everything right you will have years and years of fall out from this crises. If the baby is yours you will have decades of fall out.*


You should make a plan on how to best protect your children from the emotional damage that they are going to suffer, plan on divorce, and if you ever get married again take a lot of classes in pre-marital relationships from experienced competent professionals.


I know that sex is such a huge issue in marriage and no amount of moralizing is going to change that for many. If your story is all true, than *your wife and you failing to get the sex issue in a much better condition, your huge betrayal, and your current attitude has damaged your marriage beyond the point of repair!*

*Get counseling to find the best way to end this marriage and protect your children as much as possible.*


You can think that I am full of Shyt but stick around for a few years on this forum and then tell me I am full of shyt


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Narcissism.


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

No one else's actions can LEAD you to cheating. You make your own choices in life. No one makes you do anything. You could have picked divorce, if you were man enough. Stop saying her actions led you to this. Your actions led you to cheating, no one else's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

get back to us when the OW has had her baby and let us know how many times a day you 2 are having sex then.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Hecter said:


> Everything I've said here is true. I have not added any details. Sex was great before we had our first son. After that, things slowed down. I remember the days when we would have sex multiple times per day and she did any act or position that I asked. She eventually started to slow down and now she makes excuses. No blow jobs, no doggy. Just little stupid things like that. Some nights I pleasure her orally and I don't get anything in return. She claims she is tired. It's just always excuses.
> 
> So tell me, should a man my age live the rest of his life in this situation? Should I take pills to lower my sex drive because my wife isn't up for it as much as before? the truth is that I fell for another woman and had sex. It was wrong but I know for a fact that I would not have done it if I was getting it at home. And that's what intrigued me about the other woman. She did everything I asked and actually pleasured me. I did not have to clean the entire house just for the possibility that I might get a hand job later. No woman can put her man in this situation and expect him not to cheat. If you corner a dog, he will come out fighting!!!



When a cheater makes a statement like yours, "Everything I've said here is true.", it is typically followed by lies. I have seen it too many times in my clinical practise. All I am seeing is blameshifting, justification and typical cheating behavior. 

You managed to get some here to jump on your bandwagon over your wife being frigid. I will state again, your wife had nothing whatsoever to do with your cheating. 

The more you respond the more unbelievable your story becomes.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Its all very basic. You are married, for better or worse. There is no paragraph giving you a right to cheat if you feel like you are entitled.

It took nerve to commit adultery, you could have also had the nerve to address the issues in your marriage, and lay out how serious it was. If it could not be resolved despite your best efforts, and honesty, then initiate divorce proceedings.

You are going to be blindsided by the expense and strain of this out of wedlock child. Good chance you relationships with both women will go bad.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

Would you stay with you wife if she got pregnant by another man?


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## Hecter (Mar 31, 2014)

lovelyblue said:


> Would you stay with you wife if she got pregnant by another man?


Probably not but if I deprived her of sex and that was ultimately the reason why she cheated, I would understand. Of course I would be hurt but I would know not to make that mistake in the future. I want to give her that chance with me since we have a history together. Yes I made a mistake but I'm still sticking to my guns. She shares part of the blame for this. I'm only human and can't be expected to make perfect decisions on every matter.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Hecter said:


> Probably not but if I deprived her of sex and that was ultimately the reason why she cheated, I would understand. Of course I would be hurt but I would know not to make that mistake in the future. I want to give her that chance with me since we have a history together. Yes I made a mistake but I'm still sticking to my guns. She shares part of the blame for this. I'm only human and can't be expected to make perfect decisions on every matter.


Lie, rationalizations, blameshifting, stuborness and minimizing.
Perfect decision on very matter dude? Seriously?
:scratchhead:
The sense of entitlement, the lost touch of reality is always shocking, despite the continued experience.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

Hecter said:


> So tell me, should a man my age live the rest of his life in this situation? Should I take pills to lower my sex drive because my wife isn't up for it as much as before? *the truth is that I fell for another woman and had sex. *It was wrong but I know for a fact that I would not have done it if I was getting it at home. And that's what intrigued me about the other woman. She did everything I asked and actually pleasured me. I did not have to clean the entire house just for the possibility that I might get a hand job later. No woman can put her man in this situation and expect him not to cheat. If you corner a dog, he will come out fighting!!!


of course you fell for her, you frkin dated her before you started sleeping with her. dinners? movies? how did you rationalize this at the time. let's see, i've got a wife and 2 kids at home, think i'll take this other woman out to dinner and see a movie. :scratchhead: 

and not getting any at home caused you to go to the movies with this woman? really? that's your excuse?

i'll tell you what a man does that loves his wife but is not getting enough at home. he tells her exactly that and they work together on the problem, both of them committed to creating some positive change fully aware of the severity of the situation. if it doesn't work, and i'm here to tell you it doesn't happen overnight, especially with 2 young kids in the house and full-time jobs, then you talk about separation or agree on the next step.

as for the cornering a dog comment, gmafb. cheating/lying/deceiving is not fighting. it's acting like a spoiled brat.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hecter said:


> Probably not but if I deprived her of sex and that was ultimately the reason why she cheated, I would understand. Of course I would be hurt but I would know not to make that mistake in the future. I want to give her that chance with me since we have a history together. Yes I made a mistake but I'm still sticking to my guns. She shares part of the blame for this. I'm only human and can't be expected to make perfect decisions on every matter.


Listen to me...yes you are human. A human being that was given free will and a soul and you FAILED both of them. 

Whatever pain and frustration you felt from not getting any, I promise you it will be NOTHING compared to the hell your wife will feel when she realizes her husband screwed another woman. The images will haunt her. She will feel worthless, she will consider every word out of your mouth a lie. She will feel unloved for a very long time. 

Not to mention this isn't the first time you went behind her back. Just having a sexting relationship with another person is damage enough and you follow it up with this? How f'cking dare you be so selfish. You and that POS OW are horrible people and deserve nothing but horrible things. Your wife didn't force your d*ck into that skank. You made a conscious choice to HURT YOUR WIFE AND YOUR KIDS. If you think the OW isn't going to start getting pissed and blow your world apart, you are in for a rude awakening. Hope her nasty p*ssy was worth it. The only person that is going to pay the price is your wife and something tells me she is a much better person than you are.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

Hecter

No one is perfect and we all have needs and wants as human beings. I just don't understand why you couldn't leave your wife be for you stepped out on her.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Hecter doesn't want "help" in making the right decision... he's not even listening.

He's blame shifting and trying to score sympathy points here
because he's not hearing what he wants to. Just like his A, he
wants the easy way out.

When you CHEAT, there IS NO EASY WAY OUT.
You don't always get what YOU want...

Sane, clear thinking people don't support what you did,
nor would they support hiding it from your wife.

In short,

*Grow the f*ck up, Hecter*. Stop being a selfish bastard.


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