# I need an answer from God



## Nicky2323

I am in a situation and don’t know to do. I have been married to my husband for 15 years. We have 4 children (ages 14, 13, 11 & 9). I have only been happy for about 2 years of the marriage. I felt we were not compatible when we got married, but I went forward with it because I wanted to be married—I wanted a family and wanted to do it the right way. I am a firm believer that God honors marriage. I thought I could learn and grow to love him. Our incompatibility has gotten worst over the years. He disrespects me and treats me like I’m an object. We have grown so far apart, but we still live under the same roof. He doesn’t share in my goals and life values and vice versa. I suggested counseling years ago but he never saw a problem and said no need for counseling. He has a good relationship with our children. He has always been a better father than husband. Two years ago, I learned of a 3 year affair that he was having with our children’s piano teacher. He apologized for the infidelity and tried to return to the marriage and I let him because of my financial reasons, but now I have very good reason to believe that he is being unfaithful again. I recently started sleeping in another bedroom. I want to leave so bad but again, I don’t earn enough money to comfortably live on my own.

Six months ago, I bumped into my high school sweetheart while in the grocery store. We talked for a long long time and then exchanged numbers. We have talked on the phone plenty of times, but have never met up for a date or anything because I am married. My high school sweet heart and I have so much in common. We didn’t break up by choice it was by force. His family relocated to another state. Being 15 and in a long distant relationship just didn’t work for us so we lost touch. We share the same goals, dreams and aspirations. He was once married but now divorced. I often think that he and I should have another chance at love, but everything is so complicated right now. I know he cares for me. We are good friends. I care for him also. I feel so stuck and I believe emotionally it’s getting the best of me. It’s not that simple to leave and I often think of how it would affect the children. I want the stability that our children have to remain. They are use to having a mom and dad under the same roof. I believe that God wants me to be happy and right now I am very unhappy in this marriage. I keep asking God for direction in this situation, but seems the answers never come and I really do feel stuck. I lay awake often at night and cry. I’m often depressed because I feel like an object to my husband and not the woman he should love and cherish. I’ve done all in my power to make things right in spite of the negative things that have happened in our marriage. He disrespects me repeatedly and uses the B word to address me in front of our children. Please give me some words of wisdom. I really really need a break through in this situation. Thank you.


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## 2ntnuf

So he cheated on you. He verbally abuses you in front of the children. He doesn't show you he respects or loves you.

It's no wonder you feel the way you do. You need to get into some counseling for your self esteem and to find out what your options are. Your husband needs counseling as well. He has broken the marriage and as far as I know, you are not obligated to stay in a marriage like that. It is the one thing I know of that allows for a divorce, if you are concerned about being Christian and not sinning.

The trouble I see is, if you get together with this guy, you are putting yourself in the same boat with your husband. How would that improve your self esteem which he has damaged so terribly? Even if you chose to give up on your marriage and try to start a relationship with this old friend of yours, you are probably setting your new relationship up for failure since you are not mentally healthy right now. 

I think you have to get into some kind of counseling for yourself. I think it is the best way to start. You need to stop the suffering and get well. I'm sorry you are being treated this way.

Stick around. There will be others with different opinions. You need to hear them as well and make your own decision.


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## mupostori

Romans 5 v 2-3
through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

this the scripture that came to mind . We should rejoice in our suffering because it is an opportunity to grow spiritually 

As for his first affair Forgive so that your sins maybe forgiven


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## Thoreau

So how much money does the old flame have to have to make it financially acceptable?

Your husband is a snake, but you are cheating as well.

Are you looking to God to say "go on, be happy, go see the other man"


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## Sillyputty

You are in a tough predicament, for sure. My situation is a little similar (minus the affair), including 15 years of marriage and 4 children. It seems you have lasted 15 years and your youngest being 9 y/o, can you last it out another 6-7 years? If the abuse gets worse I recommend leaving, find better paying job, state aid or whatever it takes to make it on your own. Otherwise you join the ranks of millions everywhere that are less-than-satisfied with their marriage. What works for me is to know that I am there for my kids (as their father) and that it is my duty to guide and temper the ill effects of disorderly behavior in the home--not an easy task I'll admit! That is the duty of a mature and responsible parent and it sounds like you are striving to be the responsible one. Having said that, it is unlikely that jumping head first into a new relationship is the answer. If current hubby has emotionally abandoned you, however, I see no problem staying friends, talking, etc with your high school flame and/or others you can lean on until things improve and/or you decide to part ways.


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## Nicky2323

Thanks for your responses. 
2ntnuf, I appreciate you addressing the counseling issue. Since childhood, I have had low esteem This has followed me throughout my life. I believe it started when my father left home when I was 5 and never returned. I saw him again 22 years later and he had no real explanation why he did that to me. I will seek counseling. 

Mupostori, thank you for the scripture. I will read it later today. I have forgiven and was ready to proceed until I see it happening all over again (i.e. the late nights out, not being accounted for certain times of the day, having an empty call and text message log). 

Thoreau, It's not about what my old flame has. I dont want to leave the marriage to go shack up with him. I want the opportunity to get the know him as an adult. From what I can tell he is financially stable, responsible and handles his business. No, I'm not looking for God to say that. I want doors to become open where I can exit the marriage and start new.


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## Nicky2323

Sillyputty, yes I am diligently looking for a better paying job. I had a good paying job 3 years ago--I was laid off when the company relocated overseas. I took a job as a receptionist in a dentist office in order to remain employed and contribute to the household financially. I have thought about living with family to transition and save money. I dont have many family members in the area--I have 2 sisters that live 6 hours away and that would mean relocating. My mom is deceased and I miss her dearly because she was always there for me. I'm mostly concerned about my children. How will they adjust in the middle of a break up?


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## Sillyputty

Nicky2323 said:


> How will they adjust in the middle of a break up?


There is no pat answer for this. I was 8 when my parents split up, I remember it as a "sad" experience but kids are very resilient and at their ages they should adjust ok. Or maybe 3-4 years from now if you can hang in there?? I'm not saying stay if it gets abusive but this is about the kids right now. I'm no expert but seems when they are all teens (or older) they will be better able to comprehend a separation with less ill effects. Meantime find things you enjoy doing, pray a lot and maybe you won't find your current situation so unbearable. I'm curious did you and H grow incompatible or do you think there was nothing combatible to begin with. What drew you to him in the first place, and then have 4 kids together?:scratchhead: (I'm asking because I did the same thing!)


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## Nicky2323

Zanne,
You bring up an interesting point. Leaving could not be the will of God for me. I'm open to it, but God will have to give me strength, patiences and courage to go through it. I had thoughts of leaving before I ran into my HS sweetheart but in talking to him 2 times a week, this re-enforces my feelings. Even though we casually talk every week, I feel I am keeping my distance.


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## Nicky2323

Sillyputty, you make me laugh....LOL. I know now that I married my husband for the wrong reasons and I am paying for the error of my ways. When I met him, there were some good things that I liked He loved to travel, go to amusement parks and all fun things. There were weaknesses I saw in him that I did not like but I thought I could live with it. Things drastically started to change when the children started to come. He said I cared more about the children than I did him. Always whinning and complaining about me spending all my weekends engaged with the children. He said I didn't want to go out to do the things we use to do. I only wanted to have 2 children....he snuck two more in on me....LOL


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## Thoreau

Did he sneak them in or did God bless you with them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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