# A Beautiful End!



## needsomead (Feb 23, 2016)

This is a story that some of you may not like to read.

20 Years ago I placed an ad in a local paper looking for a female to rent a room in a very large house that I was renting to help cover the costs. This gorgeous young girl answered and moved in straight away.

Two weeks later she was sharing my bed and within 12 months, we were married. She was head strong and feisty and we were both were drinking way to much and as result in the early days we had some massive alcohol fueled arguments.

Over the 20 years we managed to have 2 lovely boys, build a very successful company and acquire many properties. Throughout our relationship, we had many more fights. Not as big as the early days, but still serious. I was still drinking, but for the most part it was controlled. I could not see any real problems as I would blame her for a lot of the arguments as she would verbally attack me so I would retaliate.

I must say though, we have had many many wonderful times as a family and couple. In fact most of the time she was happy and everything was ok. (So I thought!)

We often would comment on how such good friends we are, and laugh.

Deep deep down, I knew that things were wrong, but I chose to ignore it as life was easier just going along as it was. We did not make love, we just had sex. She just did not float my boat anymore but I thought it was just a phase.

Last October she burst into tears and said she was unhappy. Like always, I would comfort her and say that it was the stresses and strains of the business and in time, it will get better. (Wrong!)

Three weeks ago she smiled at me as she walked into he bedroom and closed the door. She had a look of confidence. She sat down next to me and calmly said that she wants to separate.

It hit me out of now where and being a typical male I immediately thought that she must be having an affair. It was text book. She had her phone locked and was always texting or doing something.She was buying new clothes. And was cold as ice. Her determination was unshakable. She organised a place for us to take in turns staying at so we could be there for the kids and still work on the business. 

I scoured the internet looking for answers Maybe if I use the 180 rule she might change her mind. 

I did the usual thing of trying to beg her to change her mind etc but she would just get angry.

The strange thing is, over the past couple of weeks when I was not a sniveling mess, we were getting along better than I can remember. We would laugh and goof around, lye on our bed and watch TV, talk about politics and world news. We even took the kids to movie and we sat next to each other. Sometimes getting close enough to kiss.

My head was doing somersaults. Was she just using me to make herself more comfortable while she planned to build an affair with another man. Why is she being so affectionate one minute and distant the next.

She told me several times over the weeks that she could see me in her life but never in a relationship again. She said that she loved me, but was not in love with me. (That old chestnut) She just could not see me as a partner.

Once again, could not understand and gravitated back to, "she must be seeing someone" 

She walked into the house today with lots of new underwear. She would never go buy this stuff before.

Despite her denying that there was anyone else, I just could not get it.

Well today, all was revealed. After a small spat, I came into her office, closed the door and we chatted. I got her to laugh so it would not be so intense. I then said I know what you are planning. She said, "oh yea, and what is that". I said that you have been secretly communicating with someone and have started an online romance and when we take over the other property she would start to see him.

She burst into a fit of laughter. I laughed as well. She said, you are so stupid. It has never been anyone, I locked my phone because I didn't want you snooping around trying to read my conversations with my girl friends. If I really wanted to **** someone, I would have done it. 

Then it dawned on me, she is just plain out of love. She told me the other day that it would not bother her in the slightest if I slept with someone.

We chatted for a long while and I realized that throughout our entire relationship, we were best friends trying to make a marriage work.

I know it to be true as I completely and stupidly disrespected her throughout our marriage as deep inside I was also not happy but could not understand why.

We went and lay on our bed together and chatted more. The strangest thing, in my heart I feel the same way as she does. 

Emotionally, she has had a head start on me as she had made her mind up to separate a long time ago, whereas I am still bruised and grief stricken, even though I know it is logical.

It is my insecure emotions that makes me want to continue the relationship but I know that even if we were to get together, I could not see myself really passionately loving her.

The penny dropped. I completely understand now. We are better as friends and should have stopped our relationship not long after we started but we were both insecure.

Our feelings for each other are very strong and we will work together, see movies as a family, and be together. We have acknowledged that at some time we will need to date other people but we will protect our kids and our business. We do not want to get a divorce until the kids have finished school in a couple of years and why should the solicitors get rich and our assets divided. 

I may have lost my wife, but I now keep my friend. We will always be connected.

Just a tip though guys, NEVER EVER take your partner for granted. 

A strange, but happy ending!


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

Very nice... but how do you deal with sex outside the relationship?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Not making me happy but better than hatred.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Wow. Very mature. I'm not sure I could have pulled this off. I'm a bridge burner.


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

Your definition of happiness is different than mine then and probably most other people's as well. And I suspect yours in the very near future. Give yourself the permission to be human and start the grieving process. Otherwise you are going to be stuck where you are. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

LOL! Sorry dude, she pulled yet another one on you. She's definitely cheating on you, but if you're okay with it for now, then I guess that's that.

You're probably not thinking straight right now. You're still in the shock/denial stage. Let it sink in. 

Sorry you're here.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

It was not a joint decision to end the marriage. It was hers. I suspect once your wife starts seeing other men, your position may change. When your wife shows up later than usual for work with you because she was spending all night with another guy, that has got to affect you, if you are human.

I hope it all does work out for you.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So you're not going to do ANY snooping to find out what she's up to?

Allrighty then, Mr. Ostrich.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

synthetic said:


> LOL! Sorry dude, she pulled yet another one on you. She's definitely cheating on you, but if you're okay with it for now, then I guess that's that.
> 
> You're probably not thinking straight right now. You're still in the shock/denial stage. Let it sink in.
> 
> Sorry you're here.


*IMHO, the presence of those skimpy new underwear, after years of enduring her "Plain Jane" ones, seems anything but inconsequential, and combined with her locked cell phone, is more than a dead giveaway!

That and telling him that it wouldn't upset her if he sought out sex elsewhere ~ well, you tell me!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

...3...2...1.... Open relationship argument ensues.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> ...3...2...1.... Open relationship argument ensues.


I think she already opened it without letting him know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

It's not clear to me why you care, you said your wife doesn't do it for you. 

And I'm not going to get into this with the standard TAM response crowd, but us women do actually do things like buy new underwear for reasons other than fvcking someone else.

He's already snooped on her. I happen to have some very private conversations with gf's that I wouldn't care for hb to read. 

I'll expect Conan to rampage about how I think everyone is like me again, but I think I'm pretty representative of a lot of women. 

If he ultimately finds evidence I will stand corrected, it just seems to me that this marriage has been over for a while. She expressed unhappiness and he basically blew it off. Isn't it possible that she just decided to pull the bandaid off?

Seems to me that he's not that into his wife and doesn't really want the marriage that much. 

OP, what do you want? Do you want to stay married to her? If so why?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## needsomead (Feb 23, 2016)

It is a matter of where your head is at. I just try nt to think about it as she does not think about me having sex. We are more like brother and sister and I explained to her that if any guy hurts her, they will have to deal with me.

As far as the house goes, it is just respect. We do not flaunt it and obviously not do silly things like leaving condoms, dirty bed linen around.


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## needsomead (Feb 23, 2016)

Exactly. I know it is a rare situation, but she is mother of my two boys and a great person, so why kill off everything because of emotions. Time will heal emotions and a friendship can last forever. I know that one day when she meets someone it will take a bit of getting used to, especially after 20 years, but if she is happy, then I should be happy for her and visa versa.


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## needsomead (Feb 23, 2016)

Unfortunately, your attitude is why most couples end up divorced and bitter. Like most males you think with your **** and not your head.

Our situation is rare I know, no one relationship is the same, just as people are different. You do not know me or what I feel. I am far more calm now than before when I was believing she was seeing someone.

I almost wanted it to be that she was seeing someone, in that way I would have probably thought things might change when things went wrong but alas, she initiated this with no one on the side. She wants her life back. Pue and simple. I have also been very unhappy was was gutless and fearful to actually do anything. She grew some balls and managed to make it happen.

As she said, on our 20th anniversary, I was walking through the shopping centre looking for a gift for you. I realized then that 20 years of my life had gone and I am 43. I deserve to be happy and want to start living before I am too old. I have raised the kids, worked on the business and been abused. It is time for me.

I can also say the same thing. I need to get out and start living life.


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## needsomead (Feb 23, 2016)

I have absolutely no interest in snooping. Why and what would be the point. She can have her private life, just as I will.

Everything is out in the open now. She has told me point blank that she is not going to be celibate for the rest of her life, so it is a given that she will be sleeping with people and maybe have a relationship. I will be doing exactly the same.

Its not going to happen overnight and sure I will be hurt, but after 20 years with someone it would be weird if was any other way.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Here's wishing you guys the best in living your lives. 


Life really can start at 40.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## needsomead (Feb 23, 2016)

Interesting response. Emotionally, yes I want the relationship. But I know it will never work and so we would continue down the same pathway. I was a prick and she deserved better. But it was me who was in the rut without really knowing it. We just grew apart. She also has a lot of issues that did not help our relationship either and she knows this.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

The chances are very high that she is having an affair given everything you wrote. But if you both are in the same place regarding the relationship and are ready to end the marriage amicably, then it really doesn't matter the circumstances. Most here would tell you to gather evidence then divorce her for cheating, but it's really not worth the effort to find out if you have already both agreed to divorce. I wish you both the best in your new lives.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I've seen this happen before. She just wants her half of the business. I don't think it's about her falling out of love.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

I think most of the critics here are being quite judgemental. The OP sees this situation quite clearly for what he believes it is. He is in the midst of it.......we are not! He is in the best position to see the forest for the trees. If she wants to split.....why the heck would he want to keep her around anyway? I give him a lot of credit.......I wish I could have been so clearheaded when my marriage went south..........


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Hey @Needssomead,

Your wife sounds a lot like mine, only I didn't really confront her about it, but she never gave it to me, and if I asked for her phone or PW, she would want to know why, and I could never think of a good reason. She fed me a lot of the same lines, "if I wanted to cheat you, I would have done it a long time ago" and "If I did cheat, you couldn't really blame me" and of course the old "love you but not in love" and "fell out of love"

In the end, we decided to attempt an amicable divorce. It hasn't been that amicable yet, but I guess we'll see how it ends.

Because of that, I decided not to snoop. Outside of drinking, kids, business, and being married for 20 yrs, it's more or less the same story as yours.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

needsomead said:


> This is a story that some of you may not like to read.
> 
> 20 Years ago I placed an ad in a local paper looking for a female to rent a room in a very large house that I was renting to help cover the costs. This gorgeous young girl answered and moved in straight away.
> 
> ...


That's cool that you are o.k. with it. I doubt you are, but that's great. Really. I wish it was that way for me.
But you are a real chump if you think she's not already lined up another dude.
Don't you think that a thousand other women have told their chump husband the same ****? Geez, you type this like it's gospel that she is really not cheating. It's sad that you think so.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Wow! This is the first time I have seen a WW manage to successfully friend zone her BH !!!! First time for everything I guess!


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> It's not clear to me why you care, you said your wife doesn't do it for you.
> 
> And I'm not going to get into this with the standard TAM response crowd, *but us women do actually do things like buy new underwear for reasons other than fvcking someone else.*
> 
> ...


My wife buys my underwear (I think she does- -Most things in my house just appear there as if by magic).....does that mean she wants me to fvck someone else..........


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

If she's cold/distant, wants a divorce, biting new panties, locking phone, etc; yes, she's banging someone else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Space Mountain (Jul 19, 2015)

needsomead,

A Beautiful End for who? I hate to say it but I don't think it will be beautiful end for you unless you start preparing yourself ASAP. She is way ahead of you mentally and is already taking steps to secure herself financially. You need to do the same. Protect yourself and your future. Red alert, Shields Up, Battle Stations!!!!! See a lawyer immediately. $crew that rental house. Do not move anything of yours out of your house. Do not sleep anywhere but in your own bed. If she is not happy, then that is her problem not yours. She needs to adjust her life not disrupt yours. Why should your life be turned upside down because of her mid-life crisis or whatever her problem is? 

I get it that she has fallen out of love with you. Is she cheating? I say she probably is. Regardless, she is sculpting herself a life without you and need to adjust your mindset to do the same.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

MarriedDude said:


> My wife buys my underwear (I think she does- -Most things in my house just appear there as if by magic).....does that mean she wants me to fvck someone else..........


Clearly. I've been known to switch styles from time to time because it's something new.

I now realize that I really mean to fvck someone else.

Will need to reflect on how I could've been so blind.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Clearly. I've been known to switch styles from time to time because it's something new.
> 
> I now realize that I really mean to fvck someone else.
> 
> Will need to reflect on how I could've been so blind.


:lol:


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

needsomead said:


> Unfortunately, your attitude is why most couples end up divorced and bitter. Like most males you think with your **** and not your head.
> 
> Our situation is rare I know, no one relationship is the same, just as people are different. You do not know me or what I feel. I am far more calm now than before when I was believing she was seeing someone.
> 
> ...


I sense a Troll under the bridge, flying at 400 ft. under the radar; an aspiring would-be author, enjoying the virtual back and forth under the sheets of TAM. No one thinks this way, and is this nonchalant, cool as an Arctic Breeze. IMHO. Prove me wrong.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> I sense a Troll under the bridge, flying at 400 ft. under the radar; an aspiring would-be author, enjoying the virtual back and forth under the sheets of TAM. No one thinks this way, and is this nonchalant, cool as an Arctic Breeze. IMHO. Prove me wrong.


Awww, gee! Someone else who doesn't know about the report button and how to use it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Awww, gee! Someone else who doesn't know about the report button and how to use it.


Sorry MattMatt, my statement is based conjecture and only that. 

To your point: My statement is too pointed, too accusing, based on the facts.



Per TAM, _the report button _is to be punched only for the below criteria:

This [Report Button] is ONLY to be used to report spam, advertising messages, and problematic (harassment, fighting, or rude) posts. 

None of the above seem to comply/apply.

In the event the poster is sincere and his offering is ~gospel......I will [not] pass judgement and spoil the interplay. 

The belief and rationale, I am sure is to let a few imposters slip through, unchallenged so as to NOT discourage the needy advice seekers. Besides, it keeps the avid advisors up on their strategies and fills an emotional void/need for all. Very therapeutic!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> Sorry MattMatt, my statement is based conjecture and only that.
> 
> To your point: My statement is too pointed, too accusing, based on the facts.
> 
> ...


Accusing other posters of being a troll, even in an oblique way, can earn a ban.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

OP has posted a few related threads. This seems to be the end of his story. 

Hope it works out for him.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

OP, your wife is quite correct. She is not going to **** some guy. She is in an affair with another woman. That's why she hasn't emotionally connected with you for all these years. She's really lesbian or at least bisexual. The reason she is so happy now is that she has come to terms with her sexuality. And of course she bought new underwear. Do you think her new lesbian lover wants her to keep wearing underwear that has your "essence" still on it?


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Zap


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

This wouldn't work for me, but if it does for you then more power to you! I hope it all works out for both of you.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

This is a very amusing thread. The OP has posted a story which is unusual, but entirely plausible. Yet many here immediately decide that the OP's wife is cheating on him, wants "his" money, or some other horrible outcome.

So our OP, having reached some sort of equilibrium with his situation, is told he needs to divorce NOW, see a lawyer NOW, throw his wife out of the house NOW all because they can't see the OP's story as being true.

I strongly suggest that folks go back and reread the OP's original post and the replies to it, and LEARN something about human behavior.

I know, it is just Sidney acting up again. But Sidney has something most of you don't. And that is time. I'm old enough to have seen most of it and probably have. Eighty some years is a long time. I've seen marriages bloom, I've seen them go bust, not only among friends, but among family as well. I've learned that it is always good to be slow to judge. And I've learned that there are at least three sides to every situation---and here at TAM we see only one.

My aim here is to slow down the rush to judgement. There is nothing wrong with telling the OP that he should think about a divorce, but do it with the realization that the OP may, in fact, have the story right--at least in its main aspects.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Sounds like my sister and her ex-husband. They decided to live as friends. He slept in his own bedroom. It did not last long like that. As soon as my sister brought a guy home, he freaked an then filed for divorce. 

Often we can discuss things and approach them logically. However, once emotions kick in, the reality is not as it was intellectually. Friends or not, it is over and you will not be able to live together. Sooner or later you will see and hear her with a man she brings home or one of you will meet someone who does not like the idea of you living with your wife. It is over except that you cannot see that yet.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

My question is simple: Where are you going to find a good woman who will date you while you are still married, living with your wife, and still acting like a family? If you can, then more power to you. Like I said, it wouldn't work for me, but if you can swing it, then great. I would never be able to have her dating with me there.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

needsomead said:


> This is a story that some of you may not like to read.
> 
> 20 Years ago I placed an ad in a local paper looking for a female to rent a room in a very large house that I was renting to help cover the costs. This gorgeous young girl answered and moved in straight away.
> 
> ...


:rofl:

I'm actually laughing at myself because I just wasted several minutes of my life that I will never get back commenting on your other thread. So, basically, you're going to lie back and think of England while she goes to town on another guy and continue financially supporting her, as well? What a friend you have in her! Either she is a master manipulator or you are too afraid and insecure to end things now that you are willing to carry on a charade for years.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

"A beautiful end" is the role of cuckold, eh? 

Indeed.....

I'll have to disagree that being a cuckold is all that beautiful. I'll have to say that a marriage that starts off as a roommate that responds to an ad in the paper that's slapping nasties with you in a matter of days, should have been a pretty good clue about the character of all involved.

She's a cheater. Probably has been all along. You don't deal with that by living with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Be sure and keep us up tp date on your progress!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Betrayedone said:


> I think most of the critics here are being quite judgemental. The OP sees this situation quite clearly for what he believes it is. He is in the midst of it.......we are not! He is in the best position to see the forest for the trees. If she wants to split.....why the heck would he want to keep her around anyway? I give him a lot of credit.......I wish I could have been so clearheaded when my marriage went south..........


Years ago I read a book by a private detective. He told one story about a businessman who was being ripped off big time. To the extent that his business was at risk. 

He knew it was an inside job but did not know who was robbing him.

So he hired the PI to find out who it was. But he gave the PI a list of employees who he did not need investigating as they had been with him from day one, he was Godparent to their children had covered medical bills for their families paid toward the education of their children and so forth.

The PI told him that wasn't how he worked that he would investigate everyone or no one, which he did.

And guess what? EVERYONE on that list was robbing him blind.

Do just because we know someone does not mean we KNOW them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

"Lie back and think of England".

Oh Lord hadn't heard that in years!

But in this context it has a whole different meaning.

Yowza!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

This thread is such a great example of how so many guys here are way too biased to weigh in on this kind of thing. 

You guys can't process the fact that even if she does have someone else what does it matter? 

OP has flat out said his wife doesn't do it for him and he doesn't passionately love her.

Geez, if the situation was reversed many of you would be b!tching about hubby's ho hum sex life. 

What if he found someone who did it for him and asked for a divorce, as she has done. Would he be getting trashed? 

By all means protect yourself legally , but beyond that who cares? Is it some kind of ownership thing? Why are you guys so invested in what his wife is doing when he doesn't seem to care that much? 

OP, don't worry about the bitters here. By all means protect yourself legally but then live your life. 

End this thing as quickly as you can though as no quality woman will want to get involved while you're entangled with your wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

needsomead said:


> This is a story that some of you may not like to read.
> 
> 20 Years ago I placed an ad in a local paper looking for a female to rent a room in a very large house that I was renting to help cover the costs. This gorgeous young girl answered and moved in straight away.
> 
> ...


I don't think your marriage is any different than most all marriages. 

Marriage takes work. In long term marriages, love isn't just a feeling. It is a choice. Sounds like you and your soon to be ex wife are good friends. That you still make each other laugh and like each others company is a great thing. 

I think that the both of you giving up on your marriage is a mistake. Sure you might each find someone new and it will be exciting for a few months. But in the end you will probably both be worse off than what you are now.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

SadSamIAm said:


> I don't think your marriage is any different than most all marriages.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Christ...no wonder you're sad. Boo to that entire post. 


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I can hear the theme song to M.A.S.H. playing in the background.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Bwahaha 


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