# Getting in shape with my wife



## RandyNH (Mar 23, 2021)

I am trying to setup a successful get in shape approach with my wife. We have briefly discussed this in the past few weeks. I have always eaten and been more health conscious than her. She tends to like junk food and doesn't see herself without it, so I think starting with an exercise program may be where to start. I think if we do it together we can motivate each other. . I am thinking of proposing that we go on a vacation with just the 2 of us when we get to our goal weights. Is this a good approach? What advice can you give me? What pitfalls should I look out for?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

My advice would be to ask her if she wants to do it or not. Is she the one who initiated the conversations that she wanted to get in shape?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

If she’s onboard, do it together.

If she’s not onboard, do it yourself. As she sees you getting in noticeably better shape (and maybe getting more looks/smiles from other women), there’s a fairly good chance she’ll get onboard with getting herself in better shape as well.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

You’re stepping into a minefield here.

The times my wife has been in her best shape is when she provides the motivation. So if you’re going to try an approach I would say:

Learn what she likes. Does she like any sports or anything even something simple like playing catch with baseball gloves. Make sure she has opportunities to do this with you.

Prepare healthy meals when you are together. If she won’t eat healthy meals then prepare unhealthy meals and reduce the portions.

If she ever wants to do something like hike or walk just drop what you’re doing and do it. You can even suggest going on walks without her getting suspicious. If you want to work out hard do it later by yourself.


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## Untrusting (Mar 22, 2021)

RandyNH said:


> I am trying to setup a successful get in shape approach with my wife. We have briefly discussed this in the past few weeks. I have always eaten and been more health conscious than her. She tends to like junk food and doesn't see herself without it, so I think starting with an exercise program may be where to start. I think if we do it together we can motivate each other. . I am thinking of proposing that we go on a vacation with just the 2 of us when we get to our goal weights. Is this a good approach? What advice can you give me? What pitfalls should I look out for?


I think firstly she has to want to do it, which might be hard to tell if you’ve had only brief conversations about it. You could start something and offend her, which will not help you or her. If she genuinely wants to do this, let her suggest a couple activities that could be fun exercise. Give her lots of positive encouragement rather than suggestions for improvement. Notice when her body changes and compliment her, but not in a way that makes it seem like you don’t like how she looks. When I lost a bunch of weight I rewarded myself with 10 lb increment rewards (all non food). A new dress, spa day, and then maybe a bigger thing at the end goal is a great idea.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

RandyNH said:


> I am trying to setup a successful get in shape approach with my wife. We have briefly discussed this in the past few weeks. I have always eaten and been more health conscious than her. She tends to like junk food and doesn't see herself without it, so I think starting with an exercise program may be where to start. I think if we do it together we can motivate each other. . I am thinking of proposing that we go on a vacation with just the 2 of us when we get to our goal weights. Is this a good approach? What advice can you give me? What pitfalls should I look out for?


You briefly discussed it but you both have goal weights? If you both have goal weights, it sounds like she's already on board, but it also sounds like you're trying to convince her. Are you both young and healthy? Is junk food causing her medical issues? I eat junk food on occasion and I'm in good shape. The reason I ask is that a goal weight for a woman is fine if she establishes that, you may be taking your life in your own hands if you're doing that for her.

Getting in shape and motivating each other is great as long as both people are on board and motivated and it isn't one person projecting what they want onto another.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

It can be a great idea to kickoff a exercise regimen together. Try to pick something she will like Roos. If she’s not down, move forward on your own. When she sees you getting in shape and then starts to notice the side benefits such as more energy and improved confidence she will likely want to get onboard.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

RandyNH said:


> I am trying to setup a successful get in shape approach with my wife. We have briefly discussed this in the past few weeks. I have always eaten and been more health conscious than her. She tends to like junk food and doesn't see herself without it, so I think starting with an exercise program may be where to start. I think if we do it together we can motivate each other. . I am thinking of proposing that we go on a vacation with just the 2 of us when we get to our goal weights. Is this a good approach? What advice can you give me? What pitfalls should I look out for?


First I don't like setting goal weights. It isn't really the right way to look at health. I prefer setting fitness goals, maybe it's running a 10k, maybe it's being able to do a certain workout routine in x minutes. The thing with someone setting a goal weight, if they don't currently have a regular workout routine, is when you first start working out you will put on some muscle and burn some fat so while you might be making great progress if you measure body fat percentage or general fitness level but your weight might not change, if you have a fairly high body fat percentage you will likely see good weight loss so it depends. For a person who starts out apprehensive it can be discouraging if your goal is weight and may cause them to give up. As for her junk food addiction, I think she will sneak it anyway to maybe when she hits a specific simple and easy fitness goal she gets a cheat snack, for a bigger milestone maybe it's a cheat day. Maybe you say you're going to start with a 2 week detox where you only eat a totally clean diet and then allow more pleasure foods occasionally (with controlled portions). The possible benefit of that is after a good period of totally clean eating when she eats junk it will probably make her feel crappy. The key is to make it not feel too daunting or intimidating, try and make it fun, set regular objectives that are easily achieved to keep the motivation and celebrate the small wins.

Some people are intimidated by the idea of getting in good shape, so the trick for you is to avoid making her feel intimidated by things.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I'm a lifelong gym rat and living healthy is a way of life, not something that I do once in a while or when I eat too much.....I do what I do. and I have no desire to motivate a partner...It's not my job...It will do nothing but drag me down.. *Motivation that doesn't come from within is rarely successful anyway...*

I suppose it can't hurt to try this and may be "fun", but at the end of the day, she will only take it as far as she feels she needs to...which may be little more than nothing...


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## TheGoodFather (Feb 12, 2021)

Do you have kids? Tell her you want to remain healthy and live long enough to see them get married, and you want to hold your grandkids too. Don't make her think that losing weight or getting in shape is the reason for your exercise program. Women hate the word "fat" or anything similar or simply an insinuation of the same. It might even be the cause of an uproar or fight.


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## RandyNH (Mar 23, 2021)

I'll try and provide a little more information. I am 41 and she is 43. We have 2 kids 11 and 13. She has mentioned to me in the past few months that she would like to be able to go to the gym together. She just recently had a physical and her cholesterol is high. She is open to making some changes to her eating. I think her motivations would be mainly weight loss and lowering her cholesterol. She knows that I eat the way that I do because it makes me feel good. She has never made the connection between how she eats and how it makes her feel. I think because she just never ate that healthy to begin with. I am hoping that she might see how good being healthy feels. I am also hoping that we will be a good example to our kids.


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

There's getting in shape...and there's eating healthy and clean to feel good...and there's dieting to lose weight. There is definitely overlap between these but they are not the same and goals and motivation will be very different.

Eating clean is the easiest thing to do...and probably the biggest payoff to feel good immediately. Start slow by introducing more healthy options and trying to minimize the worst. Add more green options as snacks or part of a meal to balance. I've found some thing like carbs to be a trigger for me so i really watch those. If you help in meal planning and prep or cook yourself you'll have some control over this.

Getting in shape...lead by example. Start small with things like walks and hikes, bicycling if you have it. Body weight exercises can be a great way to prime your body to want more. If you have the space and means consider some equipment at home. It's hard to drag someone to the gym that doesn't want to be there, might be intimidated and have body esteem issues. But you can definitely start small at home and feel and look better.

Losing weight...again lead by example but ultimately like others have said she's going to need to want to do this herself for her own good. If you make progress on the first two this one tends to happen naturally. 

Good luck!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RandyNH said:


> I'll try and provide a little more information. I am 41 and she is 43. We have 2 kids 11 and 13. She has mentioned to me in the past few months that she would like to be able to go to the gym together. She just recently had a physical and her cholesterol is high. She is open to making some changes to her eating. I think her motivations would be mainly weight loss and lowering her cholesterol. She knows that I eat the way that I do because it makes me feel good. She has never made the connection between how she eats and how it makes her feel. I think because she just never ate that healthy to begin with. I am hoping that she might see how good being healthy feels. I am also hoping that we will be a good example to our kids.


You can definitely share with her, as she already knows....if you change your diet now a bit, you'll not have to get on cholesterol meds so many do.

Remember, anything she thinks is her idea will always be the best approach 😉.

Good plans!

The same has paid off wonderfully for DW and I, we did the same years ago. It becomes a way of life.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Whatever you do, just don't fall into the trap of policing what she eats. You can be encouraging, but the moment you start to nag, give her side-eye over that handful of chips, or otherwise be critical of what she eats, then you're setting up a parent-child type dynamic for your marriage. And that's never a good idea. Policing, "educating", or mom-ing your partner is a recipe for resentment - on both sides.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

First, do not approach this radically. For success, you introduce dietary changes slowly. Replace the hamburger with lean meats, then poultry. Phase out the fried foods. Replace the snacks with fruit and veggies. Exercise slowly at first. Walk for 15 minutes and increase after a week. Don’t run off and join a gym right away. People will join in January and by mid February they are not going any more. My journey has been long, and I have reversed most of the ill effects of obesity. I started my journey at 330 lbs after two heart attacks and a botched angio. I spent ten years just getting stable, then ten years ago I became a Weight Watcher. I asked that they not tell me my weight until I requested it. As of the end of 2020 I have hit my goal of 170lbs a little less than half my body weight. (Yeah I know, it’s extreme but I had no choice, and I did not want my wife’s next husband to enjoy my life insurance.)


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I don't see this ending well... probably just better to make your own goals and invite her along. "Honey- going to the gym" or "going on a run", "want to come"?


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## RandyNH (Mar 23, 2021)

Taxman said:


> First, do not approach this radically. For success, you introduce dietary changes slowly. Replace the hamburger with lean meats, then poultry. Phase out the fried foods. Replace the snacks with fruit and veggies. Exercise slowly at first. Walk for 15 minutes and increase after a week. Don’t run off and join a gym right away. People will join in January and by mid February they are not going any more. My journey has been long, and I have reversed most of the ill effects of obesity. I started my journey at 330 lbs after two heart attacks and a botched angio. I spent ten years just getting stable, then ten years ago I became a Weight Watcher. I asked that they not tell me my weight until I requested it. As of the end of 2020 I have hit my goal of 170lbs a little less than half my body weight. (Yeah I know, it’s extreme but I had no choice, and I did not want my wife’s next husband to enjoy my life insurance.)


Good advice and that is pretty impressive. My wife did weight watchers a few years back and I was astonished on how well it worked. We don't have near as much weight to loase. Probably about 15-20 lbs each


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

RandyNH said:


> Good advice and that is pretty impressive. My wife did weight watchers a few years back and I was astonished on how well it worked. We don't have near as much weight to loase. Probably about 15-20 lbs each


What makes the program unique (and the subject of plagiarism) is that it is not a diet. It is behavioral modification. I have my problems with the first two weeks, which are kind of "buckle down and give it a go", but some people require the full stop. Like I said, I was a power eater. Former football and wrestling and BIG. My wife would freak at the amount I would put away. She almost had to bury me. Now, in my sixties, I think I have a few decades left in me.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Yeah, I'd tread lightly here. You don't want to hurt her feelings and push her further down the wrong path. 

Maybe the two of you can start cooking some healthier yet delicious meals together. It can be fun. There are a lot of fun ways to get exercise too.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

As others have said this is ultimately her responsibility and while it's great you want to be supportive you can't do it for her. I agree with the lead by example advice given above. Let's be honest, for most people the old doing it for your health or kids sounds good but just isn't enough. Look at all the fat parents out there. You have to appeal to more basic human emotions like vanity and fear. No, I'm not saying threatening her, I'm saying if you get into great shape she'll notice. She'll also know that other women are noticing. At that point she'll have to make a choice, give up or compete for the man she married.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

We use Three Week Yoga Retreat by Beach Body. We have used it for years. It’s a great excuse to get your wife all bent over in her underwear every night.
I’d be real careful though because this can be a real sensitive topic.


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