# Could really use some advice



## bunker2012 (Oct 15, 2013)

My W and I have been married for 14.5 years now and we have 2 kids. The last 3.5 have sucked to say the least. Before that, everything was great.

I have been trying to keep my marriage together for myself and the kids because I do love my wife but she is so hard to follow and figure out. She will not EVER carry into a deep conversation of why she wants a divorce only to ever say "I am not happy" is the only response I EVER get. Not ,"hey your a slob, you don't make enough money, ect.". At least then, I know what the problem is.

She will tell me that she is "shutting down" whenever we try to have a discussion about the subject. She acts like nothing is going on even around our friends and family. My friends and family have even pulled me aside at events and asks why she pretends nothing is wrong.

We still live together and do our normal routine but in December we have our final court date for divorce that she has filed. This is the second time she has done the filing. The first time was 3.5 years ago to my total surprise. She ended up spending about 9k on a lawyer only to cancel the court date.

Our sex life is TOTALLY non-existant as she tells me she doesn't have feeling for me like this anymore. Our sex life use to be fantastic.

I have asked about another person but she always denies that statement, but honestly she would not want to be known as a woman who does that. Her impression that she wants from everyone is that she is a perfect wife, mother, daughter, friend and co-worker.

3.5 years ago she accused me of having an emotional affair with her best friend who is also married. I didn't know what an emotional affair was until I looked it up on the internet. I even asked this ladies husband if I did anything wrong and he clearly stated "NO you have not".

We use to be best friends with these people as they had 2 kids also the same ages. We went camping, waterparks with the kids, ate at each others homes almost every weekend and we even did an adult Las Vegas get-away together. We did everything with these people.

I travel a lot for work and if something went wrong at my house, her best friends husband would fix it while I was gone. I never thought anything about it and I know for a fact nothing was ever done behind my back by him and her.

The fun thing was all 4 of us were friends, not just the to wives and two husbands. We all got along which was fun.

Her behavior started changing before she accused me of the emotional affair. We would also hang out with other couples, her best friend and husband always being there, but there were times where my wife would not talk to any adults but only to the kids. The next time we all got together, everything was fine with her, or so it seemed.

Her best friend called me one day and asked me what was going on with her. Matter of fact, all of the women at one time or another asked me what was going on with her. I didn't know and would ask only for her to tell me "nothing is wrong". So I believed it like a dummy and let it go.

So now I have 2 kids who are heart broken over all of this. They know everything and I want my wife back. If I only knew what the issue really is, or is she telling the truth and it is a simple as "she doesn't love me anymore".

That excuse just doesn't seem to fly with me because she use to be so loving.

HELP......I need advice on what to do and what you think could be the possible under lying cause.

Thank you.


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

well i like u had a wife who completly changed on me one day it seemed. 9.5 yrs were great and then the last 1.5 awful. She tailspined into a midlife crisis, that had depression written all over it. She then had an affair, followed by creating an ****** ******* account 6 months later. It baffles me to this day and i wish i could tell u what the problem is other than it sounds like she is right in the mid life meltdown stage of her life. Odds are not in ur favour. Im divorcing mine. I suggest marrriage counselling asap before its too late.


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

Why did she cancel it the first time.
It seems she accuses you and nothing you say or do will change her mind. 
She only accuses you of an emotional one so she should be able to get over that if you can show you now dont have one.
I suppose you havent been to counselling otherwise you would have more idea of why she wants a divorce. 
How about her friends. Do they want her to divorce. Or are they on your side. 
I have a feeling she wont go through with it again. This time dont let her off so easily.


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