# husband watching gay porn



## LFin

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. We have a very active sex life. He has had some drug issues and I'll admit, I snoop. I looked on his phone browser and saw that he had been watching gay porn. I was wondering if this could maybe be a fetish or curiosity thing, or if this meant he is gay/bi. I have watched lesbian porn before, but am not a lesbian. But I feel like male on male porn is a little different. I plan on asking him about it when he gets home from work, but I could really use some advice please. I'm kind of freaking out. 
Thanks.


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## ankh

How about just loving him and not asking him about it. Judge him by how he treats you. Otherwise you'll have a fight on your hands..


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## DayDream

There are men out there who are inherantly gay, attracted to men, but also can be attracted to women as well and can also want a "normal" life with a family and everything. I'm not saying being gay is abnormal...I'm just using normal as an example of a typical relationship.


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## Jack29

Im male and i've never tried to watch gay porn, it will probably make me sick.

I doubt however than gay porn only is enough to make a man ****! What about when hes interacting with other men? If i were you id try to figure it out that way. Is he meeting with a particular male friend too often or other suspicious things of that sort?

Ive known some gays and it was pretty easy spot them but they had already "come out of the closet"


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## MrK

He's gay. He will deny it. He will say it was just curiosity. Get ready. 

Actually, confronting him won't work. You will NOT get an honest response. Tell him you want to get naughty. You want to watch some porn with him. Start with lesbian porn (no men in the shot at all) and see if he gets a stiffy. When he doesn't, say "sorry, I thought all men liked that kind of stuff", then put on some MMF threesome stuff (full hard core gay will be a tip-off). Make sure the MM's do things to each other. (There's two kinds of MMF threesome porn out there, from what I understand ). 

I sincerely don't believe in male bisexuality. Any man that says he's "Bi" is just a gay man adapting to a straight world. I have never even been curious about watching gay porn. The sight of boys putting boy things in their mouths has NO interest for me.


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## DayDream

MrK said:


> He's gay. He will deny it. He will say it was just curiosity. Get ready.
> 
> Actually, confronting him won't work. You will NOT get an honest response. Tell him you want to get naughty. You want to watch some porn with him. Start with lesbian porn (no men in the shot at all) and see if he gets a stiffy. When he doesn't, say "sorry, I thought all men liked that kind of stuff", then put on some MMF threesome stuff (full hard core gay will be a tip-off). Make sure the MM's do things to each other. (There's two kinds of MMF threesome porn out there, from what I understand ).
> 
> I sincerely don't believe in male bisexuality. Any man that says he's "Bi" is just a gay man adapting to a straight world. I have never even been curious about watching gay porn. The sight of boys putting boy things in their mouths has NO interest for me.


Just because you don't understand Bi, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.


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## MrK

DayDream said:


> Just because you don't understand Bi, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.


Sorry if I wasn't clear. I'm 50. I've known and talked to a lot of people in my day. I have SERIOUS doubts about male bi-sexuality. But OK. You're right. I'm no expert. Bisexuality is a possibility here. 

OP. Is that better? He likes putting boy things in his mouth as well as girl things?

One thing I do know. Full-on gay is a LOT more common than bisexuality in men, and marrying a woman is ZERO indication of which way he flies. Preference in porn is a MUCH better indicator


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## costa200

Gay porn? That stuff is repulsive for me. Can't see a "curiosity" scenario there.


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## MrK

costa200 said:


> Gay porn? That stuff is repulsive for me. Can't see a "curiosity" scenario there.


You will find that sentiment among most men. And it is NOT an "I'm so manly I'd never watch that, even in curiosity" thing. It really does gross us out.


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## LFin

Jack29 said:


> Im male and i've never tried to watch gay porn, it will probably make me sick.
> 
> I doubt however than gay porn only is enough to make a man ****! What about when hes interacting with other men? If i were you id try to figure it out that way. Is he meeting with a particular male friend too often or other suspicious things of that sort?
> 
> Ive known some gays and it was pretty easy spot them but they had already "come out of the closet"


Other than work, he never hangs out with guys without me there. We have all mutual friends and we don't hang out with anyone else. He is in the military and the guys bash gays constantly. I know he loves me very much and I love him, but I think this is a serious problem. He has never shown any signs of wanting to be with men and is very romantic towards me... we also have a four month old baby in the picture. I am just so scared about this. His parents are coming into town today so I can't really confront him, but I don't think I can keep this in all weekend.


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## DayDream

LFin said:


> Other than work, he never hangs out with guys without me there. We have all mutual friends and we don't hang out with anyone else. He is in the military and the guys bash gays constantly. I know he loves me very much and I love him, but I think this is a serious problem. He has never shown any signs of wanting to be with men and is very romantic towards me... we also have a four month old baby in the picture. I am just so scared about this. His parents are coming into town today so I can't really confront him, but I don't think I can keep this in all weekend.


It's never a good time. If it weren't his parents coming into town it'd be something else making it "not a good time". Just talk to him.


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## DayDream

MrK said:


> You will find that sentiment among most men. And it is NOT an "I'm so manly I'd never watch that, even in curiosity" thing. It really does gross us out.


Most men. But I have experience with this...and that's all I'm saying about it. Trust me...it's out there.


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## Memento

Every straight man that I know would never watch gay porn. The thought of that to every single one of them is "repulsive".

I had a friend of mine that was interested in a guy. Several weeks after they started a relationship, she found out he had been in several gay parades. I remember, back then, she asked me if it was normal for a straight man to do that. I honestly did know, so I asked several men I know. Their answer was something like this: 2HELL, NO! I WOULD NEVER BE PART OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT." Not that there's anything wrong with that, but they weren't gay. My friends love interest, in the end, was in fact gay.

I think you need to have a honest talk with your husband.


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## DayDream

Memento said:


> Every straight man that I know would never watch gay porn. The thought of that to every single one of them is "repulsive".
> 
> I had a friend of mine that was interested in a guy. Several weeks after they started a relationship, she found out he had been in several gay parades. I remember, back then, she asked me if it was normal for a straight man to do that. I honestly did know, so I asked several men I know. Their answer was something like this: 2HELL, NO! I WOULD NEVER BE PART OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT." Not that there's anything wrong with that, but they weren't gay. My friends love interest, in the end, was in fact gay.
> 
> I think you need to have a honest talk with your husband.


It's more rare than straight gay or straight hetero.


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## MrK

I've recommended this before, but never heard back. Go to a gay relationship website and ask them. I'm thinking you'll get the advice you need. I'm pretty sure the gay community doesn't take too kindly to their bretheren feeling so ashamed of their sexuality that they choose to destroy other peoples lives over it.

Give it a try. See what they say. Can't hurt. And I'll bet they know a lot more about male bisexuality than me and Daydream combined.


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## Memento

DayDream said:


> It's more rare than straight gay or straight hetero.


Straight or crooked, I honestly don't care. That's up to each one to decide what they want to be and how they want to live their sexuality. Its not my place to judge.
However, I do have a distaste for pc correctness. That I truly find it abhorrent and abnormal.


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## Acoa

MrK said:


> It really does gross us out.


I think more men say its repulsive than 'really' believe it. Call it homophobic or social conditioning, it is what it is. 

Personally it just doesn't do anything for me. If my wife got off on it I could handle watching it with her. But for whatever reason women don't get the same pleasure seeing 2 men get it on as men get from watching 2 women.(generally, there are exceptions).

Back to the OP, just ask him about it. If you have any hope for an honest answer be calm and ready to accept the worst. If he says he was only curious you will need to decide if that is the truth or not. Maybe don't confront on the gay porn. Just discuss homosexuality and see how the conversation goes.


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## DayDream

Memento said:


> However, I do have a distaste for pc correctness. That I truly find it abhorrent and abnormal.




Confused by this last part... :scratchhead:


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## Machiavelli

DayDream said:


> Just because you don't understand Bi, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.


Male bisexuality probably doesn't exist, but flat out gay guys can and do father children. I have known several over the years who abandoned their wives and children to go full time Gay, but they were gay all along, just faking it.

Any guy watching gay porn is gay. Simple as that.


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## Machiavelli

LFin said:


> Other than work, he never hangs out with guys without me there. We have all mutual friends and we don't hang out with anyone else. He is in the military and the guys bash gays constantly. I know he loves me very much and I love him, but I think this is a serious problem. He has never shown any signs of wanting to be with men and is very romantic towards me... we also have a four month old baby in the picture. I am just so scared about this. His parents are coming into town today so I can't really confront him, but I don't think I can keep this in all weekend.


Believe it or not, there were plenty of homosexuals in the military 40 years ago and I'm sure there are plenty more now than there were then. Don't have sex with him, whatever you do.


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## bobsmith

Far be it from me to give advice but I will offer my thoughts for consideration. I have had random thoughts about gayness only because a few people I know are gay. However, even the thoughts gross me out and I once accidently started a porn vid that was gay. I shut that down in a HURRY and tried to undo what I just saw in those 5 sec. I cannot imagine any hetero guy viewing it for "curiosity" without having some lean in that direction. Women and lesbians is a diff deal for me I guess. Probably because I sort of like that but I also think women seem to never be happy with men and no one knows a woman like another woman.


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## ankh

I am straight as an arrow. I love my wife, love hetero sex with her only, and don't ever see myself engaging in any homosexual activity. Regardless, I am aroused watching videos of other men who are aroused heterosexually. I don't recall ever watching any gay porn. 

I wouldn't equate arousal from gay porn with being gay. One is fantasy and the other is activity. The two are not, in my most humble opinion, simply interchangeable.


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## Faithful Wife

From the article itself: "Several other researchers who have seen the study, scheduled to be published in the journal Psychological Science, said it would need to be repeated with larger numbers of bisexual men before clear conclusions could be drawn."

They did this study on a TOTAL of 101 young adult men. This is evidence of literally nothing. If this study can be repeated several times with 1,000 or more participants in different areas of the US or world, then it might be offering a glimpse into something. Otherwise, it is simply a one time, small case study and proves nothing.

Some straight men sometimes watch gay male porn. Some straight WOMEN sometimes watch gay male porn. Gay male porn can be very erotic and obviously, VERY sexual. Some people simply have an appetite for this type of visual stimulation. It doesn't necessarily mean the watcher is gay....straight...or anything else.

There is much MUCH weirder porn out there than gay male porn. It is odd to me to see so many men here trying to paint a picture that watching it "means you are gay no if's, and's or but's".

If you want a better idea of the fluidity of sexuality in both genders, read the Kinsey reports.


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## MrK

Again, another case of women seeing it one way and men seeing it another. There is no doubt that totally "straight" women can have a degree of sexual attraction to other women. Experiment with that attraction through porn and/or mild experimentation. Again, you're looking at men through your eyes.

Is it because men are conditioned through gay bashing to be "grossed out at the thought" of seeing a man suck off another man? Maybe. Probably. But all men have hit a link that brought up gay men going at it, and immediately ran to the kitchen to barf then wash their eyes. So is that a case of nurture over nature? Maybe. But I'm guessing the "we're all a rainbow" crowd doesn't want to go there.


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## Machiavelli

MrK said:


> Again, another case of women seeing it one way and men seeing it another. There is no doubt that totally "straight" women can have a degree of sexual attraction to other women. Experiment with that attraction through porn and/or mild experimentation. Again, you're looking at men through your eyes.


Correct. Unlike men, who are basically either straight or gay, women have a fluid sexuality that moves back and forth with something like 50% of women identifying as "lesbian" becoming involved with at least one man in the subsequent five years or something like that. Women are more than twice as likely as men to have had a same sex experience.

Also, women get turned on by female/female porn, but straight men don't get turned on by male/male porn.



MrK said:


> Is it because men are conditioned through gay bashing to be "grossed out at the thought" of seeing a man suck off another man? Maybe. Probably. But all men have hit a link that brought up gay men going at it, and immediately ran to the kitchen to barf then wash their eyes. So is that a case of nurture over nature? Maybe. But I'm guessing the "we're all a rainbow" crowd doesn't want to go there.


They do not. Even in the Ancient Greek world, as well as the Romans who adopted Greek culture, the receptor male in homosexual actions was looked upon with disgust, even though the penetrator was not. The Romans spilled a lot of ink on what was wrong with the "passive" male. Of course, as we see with certain apes, this is an act of submission. No hetero male is up for that.


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## Michie

What the hell is this crap "all straight guys would think gay porn is gross"????

When it has been shown time and time again in numerous studies of human sexual behavior that all men and woman
will have sexual dream and fantasies about the same sex throughout their whole lives.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bobsmith

I cannot remember even once instance in my whole life that I EVER fantasized about being with a man. I may, however, had a NIGHTMARE about a gay man trying to seduce me. 

I went to a gay nightclub once with my best friend, who's father turned gay and I was there for support. I was to the point of RUNNING back out the door. A guy slapped my ass and it was all I could do to not cold **** him. I went and found a couple girls are the club and just sat down with them and told them I was uncomfortable and just wanted to stay with them until my friends were ready to roll. 

On a separate occasion to that bar, I remember having enough and literally walking 10 miles home through the hood just to avoid that place. 

I am NOT saying every man should be like me but don't think for a second that every man has gay tendencies. I do, however, get pretty turned on thinking about lesbians.


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## CrazyGuy

I think bi-sex guys are out there. If you have an high enough drive you may not care where you get it.

I worked at a place that it was a big joke if you forgot to log off your computer somebody would download gay porn on it. You would get back to your computer and move the mouse a bamm, two dudes doing it when the screen saver turns off. So that may be a reason you found some although unlikely.

Other then that I agree with the other posts. A strait guy does not intentionally look at gay porn. I was just on a family chat board and some dude wanted to chat with me. He was hinting around and asked me if I ever cam. I was like yeah but something tells me I do not want to turn my cam on now. There was a reason I was on a family chat room and now I feel like I need to wash my computer or something.

My bother in law was married. Got caught with gay porn and denied being gay. Years later he started putting adds in craigslist to hook up with other guys. Just putting it out there what little I know.


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## costa200

> Some straight men sometimes watch gay male porn.


HAHAHA... OH! You were actually serious... :scratchhead:

Seriously, been roaming the internet for almost two decades. Seen all the filth smut there is and i've never encountered a community of "straight guys who like gay porn". People openly talk about bestiality and whatever weird a$$ stuff. But straight guys watching gay porn? Where are they? What's the attraction a straight guy would have for watching two guys getting it on? 

I remember seeing a gay popup in a porn site when i was younger, in my teens. That 5 second gay gif killed my mojo right there! Didn't even relieve myself after that. A lot better than a cold shower.


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## MrsSloPok

My husband looks at porn but never have I found him looking at men on men porn. My husband makes it very clear that I will not go near his rear at all and he does not play about that.

If I ever did find him looking at men on men porn, I'd be trying to figure out why my husband is looking. Thats not good!


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## LFin

*Re: husband watching gay porn- UPDATE*

I calmly asked my husband about the gay porn in his browser history on his phone. We talked about it for a while and he denies it. I asked how it could have gotten there and he says that people do things like his at his work (military) when they leave their phones out. I get setting a background picture or downloading something, but watching gay porn on someone else's phone does not seem like a good prank to me. Most people wouldn't even notice someone doing that. He has a HUGE history with lying, so unfortunately I do not believe him. 

The part I am having trouble with is knowing how much he loves me. He does not act differently around other men at all. I don't know if he doesn't want to act on these feelings or what, but he really does not seem gay. He was very upset these past few days and says that he realizes how bad the trust issue is when he can't even convince his wife that he isn't gay. He has agreed to go to marriage counseling and private counseling about the lying issue.

Sadly, until I can trust him, I will never know the truth. Also, we are getting stationed from my hometown in Florida to Alaska. We move in April. Hopefully we can get things out in the open before then. We start counseling this week. 

Thanks for all the replies... Keep them coming, the advice has been very helpful.


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## Chris Taylor

The level of ignorance in this thread is outstanding.

However, to the OP... unfortunately you already confronted him directly. The way you should have gone about it is to ask an open ended question and not one that can be answered with a yes/no answer. Something like "I saw some gay porn on your phone. I would guess that you're probably bi. How long do you think you've been bi?" and let the discussion flow from there.


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## Maricha75

Michie said:


> What the hell is this crap "all straight guys would think gay porn is gross"????
> 
> When it has been shown time and time again in numerous studies of human sexual behavior that *all men and woman
> will have sexual dream and fantasies about the same sex throughout their whole lives.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Speak for yourself, mmmk? I have never had sexual dreams nor fantasies about women. It may be fine for you, but FOR ME, it is absolutely not ok. I have no attraction to women, whether in real life or in fantasy/dreams. There is no "all" in this... MANY, maybe, but not all.

And regarding straight men thinking gay porn is gross...well, men I know who do watch it DO feel that way. Sigh...but maybe I'm not the right one to be commenting on that anyway since my husband and I both feel porn is disgusting, whether gay or hetero.


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## LFin

Chris Taylor said:


> The level of ignorance in this thread is outstanding.
> 
> However, to the OP... unfortunately you already confronted him directly. The way you should have gone about it is to ask an open ended question and not one that can be answered with a yes/no answer. Something like "I saw some gay porn on your phone. I would guess that you're probably bi. How long do you think you've been bi?" and let the discussion flow from there.


 That is how I started the conversation. I asked lots of questions like that and made it seem like it was not a big deal. and after he still denied it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrHappyHat

It's also possible that one of his coworkers got a hold of his phone and brought up the page as a prank. I know two people off of the top of my head that have pulled that prank.


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## LFin

MrHappyHat said:


> It's also possible that one of his coworkers got a hold of his phone and brought up the page as a prank. I know two people off of the top of my head that have pulled that prank.


I sure hope so. Just wish I could trust him more so I'd believe it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrHappyHat

> he says that people do things like his at his work (military) when they leave their phones out.


I came late to the party, sorry 'bout that.

When you mentioned 'military' my brain went 'ding! ding! ding!'

Unless he had several days worth of links in his history-> he was pranked.

In a week, ask him whose ass he kicked over this.


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## A Bit Much

Is his phone password protected? That would make a prank harder to acheive.

IDK. I'd follow my first thought with this one. If someone pranked me like this, I'm in my browser and history enough to erase stuff that looked crazy suspicious. I think most people are like that with their phones... going back through the history finding stuff that they looked up in the past.


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## costa200

> When it has been shown time and time again in numerous studies of human sexual behavior that all men and woman
> will have sexual dream and fantasies about the same sex throughout their whole lives.


Studies? You mean psychoanalysis bulsh!t that would not hold water in any really scientific journal? 

And about a "sexual dream" that can mean nightmare! Even then a "dream" is a physiological way of our brain to re-wire as needed. Dreams, contrary to your average psychoanalysis crap actually don't mean a thing. They are a way for your brain to adjust to day to day learning while still online. 

I can't outright tell you that i've never felt attraction for another guy. And i urge you dismiss all studies that conclude about "all men and women". That's a huge bullsh!t alarm right there. Speaks of an agenda.

And for the record i have gay friends. If someone offends them i'm the first to defend them. That, however doesn't mean i can't smell homosexual propaganda when i see it. 



> I calmly asked my husband about the gay porn in his browser history on his phone. We talked about it for a while and he denies it. I asked how it could have gotten there and he says that people do things like his at his work (military) when they leave their phones out.


If it was a practical joke (and i understand it's a really funny one) then he would know exactly what went down and tell you about it. Doesn't sound so good. I'm willing to bet his internet history will never have such information again.


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## LFin

A Bit Much said:


> Is his phone password protected? That would make a prank harder to acheive.
> 
> IDK. I'd follow my first thought with this one. If someone pranked me like this, I'm in my browser and history enough to erase stuff that looked crazy suspicious. I think most people are like that with their phones... going back through the history finding stuff that they looked up in the past.


No his phone did not have a password on it. And as soon as I mentioned it he said it had to be someone from work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A Bit Much

LFin said:


> No his phone did not have a password on it. And as soon as I mentioned it he said it had to be someone from work.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If I were him then, it would concern me that someone had access to my phone long enough to do something like that.

Maybe he should keep his phone in his pocket from here on out...


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## ladybird

MrHappyHat said:


> It's also possible that one of his coworkers got a hold of his phone and brought up the page as a prank. I know two people off of the top of my head that have pulled that prank.


 My husband did this to my uncle once. He put a picture of 2 guys doing each other on his desk top at home, My uncle was not to happy about it. I still can't get that mental picture out of my head.

Is it the first time you have seen it on his phone or more then once? Was there alot of it?

I also have a gay friend and he watches gay porn.


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## HuggyBear

Ok, you saw it on the browser.... now, to be sure, when people surf porn (where is he surfing porn on his phone?) they're clicking links, back and forth, etc.

Now it's very possible these VERY "gay-sounding" porn links may be linking to straight content... it's actually not so uncommon. Go back, and just check the porn. If it's actually gay porn, yeah, you should ask him about it.

As far as "male bisexuality" goes, I put it right up there with Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. People claim it true, but... I've studied some human ethology, sexuality, and biological evolution in university. I've interviewed a couple hundred homosexual men in research projects, and some are even friends of mine. Any gay man will tell you the same thing - There are "*** hags" and there are "beards." Which would you be? Every man who claims to be "bisexual" has one thing in common - they've been doing, and enjoy HOMOSEXUAL activity. Without the HOMOSEXUAL part, there is no possibility of male "bisexuality" at all.


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