# Divorce Update



## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

Hello All, Our house has sold and as I sat next to my stbx signing our papers, I could feel his detached cold demeanor. It's still all fresh, yes, and to me, I can't just turn off my feelings as he has. This is a man I married, I loved, who betrayed me and our family. So many mixed emotions, ones of sadness and ones of resentment. Although, I had known he was a broken man, I still can't understand, why he did all that he did. And as I sit here reading so many of your posts, I feel sadness for you, but I also see hope in everyone's responses and so much support. My stbx and so many others feel entitled, and that feeling, I believe, will come back to haunt them, as they go through life continuing their affairs, their attempted destruction of others, at least that is my hope. We are now in the custody discussions, I filed for 50-50, and he wants full custody. And so the real battle begins.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well he can want full custody in one hand and **** off with the other. Unless one of you is a drug addict you'll get 50//50.

Nobody cares what he wants.


----------



## SadM83 (4 mo ago)

Lostinthelight said:


> Hello All, Our house has sold and as I sat next to my stbx signing our papers, I could feel his detached cold demeanor. It's still all fresh, yes, and to me, I can't just turn off my feelings as he has. This is a man I married, I loved, who betrayed me and our family. So many mixed emotions, ones of sadness and ones of resentment. Although, I had known he was a broken man, I still can't understand, why he did all that he did. And as I sit here reading so many of your posts, I feel sadness for you, but I also see hope in everyone's responses and so much support. My stbx and so many others feel entitled, and that feeling, I believe, will come back to haunt them, as they go through life continuing their affairs, their attempted destruction of others, at least that is my hope. We are now in the custody discussions, I filed for 50-50, and he wants full custody. And so the real battle begins.


Stay strong! ❤


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Eventually, you'll see this is the best thing for you and be glad it happened. I wasn't sad because my ex cheated and we split, I was sad for the dream I had for my life ending but life goes on. You can make it as great as you want it to be or live in misery, your choice.

He's a real peach, being so spiteful about custody when his actions blew your family up, I hope your lawyer goes after fees from him. What a time-wasting jackass!


----------



## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Lostinthelight said:


> We are now in the custody discussions, I filed for 50-50, and he wants full custody. And so the real battle begins.


I dont think it's going to be as big of a battle as you might believe. It really doesn't get any easier than that.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

He's likely not going to get full custody, but it's not really about that for him. It's about continuing to hurt you, even after the divorce. Over time, you'll heal...stay strong. 🙏


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> Well he can want full custody in one hand and **** off with the other. Unless one of you is a drug addict you'll get 50//50.
> 
> Nobody cares what he wants.


This ^^^^^ exactly, 100%
You have nothing to fear @Lostinthelight


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Get him off the pedestal you have him on.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Why does he really want full custody (other than to * you around) — so you’ll have to pay child support?


----------



## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> Get him off the pedestal you have him on.


Yes, he wants spousal and child support. It'll be very interesting how this will all pan out. He should know that I will fight him with everything that I have. I gave him every opportunity to do this amicably, 50-50 custody, selling of the house, helped him move, all the while he continued his facetiming with his bimbo, while in our house, sexting/video with her, so yes, he's a real keeper. He told her the lies, that I was making things difficult for him, that I wouldn't move, etc. but hey, she's also a keeper, divorced her H, and they'll both enjoy their life together. I've been down this road before, and I fought like Hell for my kids. Neither one of us has a history of drugs.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

hopefully you’ve learned. No contact only works if you apply it.


----------



## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> hopefully you’ve learned. No contact only works if you apply it.


You’re all right. I don’t contact him at all.


----------



## FS8 (Jun 17, 2011)

As others have said, unless there are (very) extenuating circumstances, custody will be 50/50. Don't worry about that.

I have been married twice now. The first time, it was a "trial separation" with a truly depressed and badly lost and hurting individual. We weren't right for each other, so we had a very slow decline with a true emotional roller coaster in between. It was not, however, overcome with sadness or resentment.

The second time I have been writing about here on occasion. The first bombs dropped about five months ago. I went through shock and sadness, especially related to the remarkable detachment these people we loved can have. That drifted into anger. At this point, it's only indifference and waiting until I can get a judge's signature (though that really only matters for health insurance and taxes). Two months ago or so was the last time I let her speak to me about anything related to the relationship, and that was when it finally clicked. There will be a point where you understand that it was NOT your fault. Once that breaks through, you're done. Before that, you're probably going to miss the "good times," wonder what you could have done differently, mourn the relationship you thought you had, all of that. Eventually you realize you fell victim in a con game to a broken individual - as they say, hurt people hurt people - and it wasn't your fault. End of story. There's nothing to miss.


----------



## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

Thank you so much for your insight. I yearn for that day where there is indifference. Although, he was a cold man, most of the time, he also portrayed himself as one who was weak and damaged. I fell for that man. I wanted to protect him and give him the love he said he was missing. Nothing I did was enough. I had my own trust issues from a very abusive ex and this stbxh had made me doubt him from the very beginning with his deceit and lies. I'm hoping I will heal and most importantly, be able to continue to raise my children to know that these relationships were wrong and that people treat each other with respect and love.


----------

