# My coworker and her poly lifestyle



## CallaLily

Ok so yesterday at lunch my coworker whom I have known for awhile breaks down and starts crying. She starts to tell me of her lifestyle she USED to be involved in and how sometimes it still bothers her. This was of course along time ago, and before I ever knew her. 

She proceeds to tell me of her poly lifestyle where her then husband had many other wives. She then tells me how she felt most of her life up to the point she is at now was based on lies, and how she felt she wasted those years on just nothing more than a "horny man."

When I asked her what she meant by "horny man" she tells me that really is all the poly lifestyle is. A man or men want to marry many women in the legal sense even though they say in the spiritual sense and its what God wants, so they can get more and different sex. Instead of living the single life and sleeping with women that way they use their "religion" as an excuse basically to lead women to believe this is right, this is true, this is what God says. Lay down with me and then let me go lay down with other women too, and you keep your mouth shut.

Now understand this is what I'm getting from her, and I don't know much about that lifestyle. She told me leaving was the best thing that ever happened to her. She felt free. When she was in that lifestyle she felt trapped and used. She said that particular poly man loved to get women who were down and out, had low self esteem, so basically they would be easy targets to convince this is what you are supposed to do. Most of the women there were liked robots that had been programmed.

In her final words to me on the issue,

"they are sexually dysfunctional people who are looking for a justifications in the legal sense to have sex with whoever for their own self gratification, it has nothing to do with GOD or what he wants."

Thoughts?


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## WhereAmI

Just like any religion, there are people who hide behind it to do bad things. I'm sure there are plenty of people who are poly who genuinely believe that God wants them to live that way. I don't doubt that it's possible to maintain this lifestyle while still showing multiple partners respect.


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## less_disgruntled

Huh?

Was this co-worker in the FLDS? Or an LDS splinter-group? Or was this sort of a New Age cult thing? or was her ex just doing some DIY religion?

It sounds like he was practicing poly_gamy_, not poly_amory_. Usually when you read or hear the word "poly" the person means polyamory.

IMO polyamory is where fat Dungeons and Dragons nerds hook up with several other fat Dungeons and Dragons nerds. They will live in the same house together and talk about Ayn Rand, World of Warcraft, the Church of Satan and Star Trek. From what I gather usually it's either one fat chick and two fat dudes, or one fat dude and two fat chicks. There's an alternative version, where the two people are in a "poly" relationship where one partner is just ****ty and the other is a pushover.

Let me put it this way: Those ugly kids in the Sci-Fi Club? They had way more freaky sex than most people ever will short of getting the invite to Silvio Berlusconi's house.

But they have to distinguish themselves from hippie communes, from kibbutzim doing shared child-rearing and from the "seduction community" and from swingers. So what they do is have also have actual bona fide 'relationships' with the three partners they live with. You can probably find some clips about that on YouTube, if you want to feel ashamed for but strangely envious of for someone. Sometimes you'll find clips of these people talking about how they're using their poly relationship to overcome jealousy or whatever.

My wife used to work with two out of three people in a poly relationship. They got married, then shacked up with a FOTB Eastern European woman. They're all in the Church of Satan (which is not about worshiping the devil, it's about going to Star Trek conferences) and the three of them have kids now.

Be warned: a "poly" is only one step away from "cosplay, which is only one step away from becoming a "furry", so you are dangerously close to the Abomination of the Desolation. We're talking Martin Sheen outside Marlon Brando's house calling "almighty almighty" over a radio levels of OMG here.

I am honest to god not making any of this up. I also wish I didn't know any of it. But I have to share the pain.


Anyway, that's what "poly" is. I don't know anything about polygamy that they didn't show on Big Love.


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## CallaLily

Pandakiss- she even mentioned it being like some form of abuse. She didn't say physically so I'm assuming more along the lines on mentally..I'm not sure. As far as it not being at the expense of others, I get that, however according to her she felt it was and went on to describe it being like that for the most part. Its about getting sex all that they can from different people. Its not about God its about self gratification for themselves while using others as a way of saying yes this is what you are supposed to do. 

less- I just know she called it poly lifestyle and she was from a group pf people or community where one man is married to many women. I really didn't ask her alot of questions, I was just mainly listened.


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## CallaLily

The only other thing I remember her saying was, the time she was in it, she was thankful she didn't have any children. Not sure how many wives he had but she did mention him having several children with the others. She later on found out after she left, that she wasn't able to have any children, but she didn't know that going into that lifestyle.


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## 4sure

I agree with her. She didn't love the man, but was made to have sex with him. She maybe feeling the way a rape victim may feel. She might want to go for counselling.

People use God as an excuse to justify all kinds of behavior.


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## greeneyeddolphin

While I don't agree with the lifestyle for myself, and can't really fathom why a woman would want to live that way, I do think (as someone else already mentioned) that it is possible that everyone is happy and respected and all that in their relationship. 

It sounds like your coworker had a bad experience with it and has now, as many people do after bad experiences with something, decided that ALL relationships like that are like hers was. I can't blame her for that. 

I am sure there are people like her former husband, who are doing it just so they can "legally" or "morally" or however they define it, have sex with a bunch of different women (btw, the quotation marks are not because I'm judging whether or not it's legal or moral, but because those doing it for that purpose would claim legality or morality but they'd be full of it.). But I'm also sure that there are some who truly believe that it is what they should do based on their religious beliefs and are truly trying to live a decent life. 

As I said, I don't agree with it for myself...but that doesn't mean I have the right to stop someone else from doing it if they believe they should do it or their religion tells them they should do it. I think as long as it isn't hurting anyone, adults can and should do what they want, and as long as everyone is honest and therefore able to make a decision with full disclosure of exactly what they can expect, it should be ok.


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## notaname

She very likely feels she was spiritually abused.

It is abuse to tell someone that if they don't marry you (sleep with you) you will go to hell....or not make it into heaven.


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## trey69

This is JMO, and it doesn't mean a hill of beans. I think anyone in that kind of situation, whether they are living in a compound type of situation or not, where the kids go to school and there wives are free to do whatever, its still harmful and a form of abuse and control. IMO, yes those people are sexually dysfunctional with a capital SD, and its all about just that, sex and control and they are in it for themselves.


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## Mom6547

CallaLily said:


> Ok so yesterday at lunch my coworker whom I have known for awhile breaks down and starts crying. She starts to tell me of her lifestyle she USED to be involved in and how sometimes it still bothers her. This was of course along time ago, and before I ever knew her.
> 
> She proceeds to tell me of her poly lifestyle where her then husband had many other wives. She then tells me how she felt most of her life up to the point she is at now was based on lies, and how she felt she wasted those years on just nothing more than a "horny man."
> 
> When I asked her what she meant by "horny man" she tells me that really is all the poly lifestyle is. A man or men want to marry many women in the legal sense even though they say in the spiritual sense and its what God wants, so they can get more and different sex.


That is not polyamory (most frequent meaning of poly) That is either
- polygamy as done by Mormons
- or a stupid excuse.

Perhaps that is HER experience of one person who claims to be in the polyamorist lifestyle. There are many, many people who live as RESPONSIBLE non-monogamists. 



> "they are sexually dysfunctional people who are looking for a justifications in the legal sense to have sex with whoever for their own self gratification, it has nothing to do with GOD or what he wants."
> 
> Thoughts?


You must be referring to polygamists. There is so much wrong with Mormon polygamy that it give the term "poly" a really bad name.


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## CallaLily

trey69 said:


> This is JMO, and it doesn't mean a hill of beans. I think anyone in that kind of situation, whether they are living in a compound type of situation or not, where the kids go to school and there wives are free to do whatever, its still harmful and a form of abuse and control. IMO, yes those people are sexually dysfunctional with a capital SD, and its all about just that, sex and control and they are in it for themselves.


:iagree:


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