# Mentally ill? or just a douche bag?



## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

Hi all, 

I have posted here before regarding th eissues i am going thru. 

Long story short: i caught my husband texting an old f*** buddy. When i confronted him he took me off the phone bill and cried that he was sorry. I forgave him under the condition i go back into the bill and no more secrets. 

four months later and in sept i find out hes been lying about where he is and that he is texting a secretary at work. I threw him out. He racke dup lots of debt and wont give me acces to the creditcardsa or the phone bills. 

Its been two months since hes been out and it is still a torture. He comes around like if this were his home and tells me that all of this is my fault. 

Then he offers me a solution: If i am nice for three months he will give me access to it all. I told him to blow me and to get out of my house. 

HE comes and he goes several times a night and picks at me again about the same thing. Now the new one is that im mean because i wont lay with him. I made my stance and told him I was not going to lay with him if he was living his life @ an apartment at the beach while i stayed home raising my kids. I want access to everything and i want the lying to stop. 

He says no. I went to our priest about 1 week before i kicked him out and he told me that obviously my husband is doing something wrong. My husband finally made the appt to see him today and i pray that the good Lord will make him see what a scumbag hes been and how hes is destroying out family. 

I pray daily for the truth and for the wisdom to handle it accordingly. Im still waiting though. 

He says that all my yelling and abuse caused this. I have not been abusive to him. WE FIGHT!! and when i argue I am nasty. But I do not pick on him or abuse him. WE FIGHT! I have lived my marriage accussed of cheating and of wanting to have friends. I have never even thought of cheating and so what if i want to keep my GIRLFRIENDS!! I havent been around other ppl besides his family since we got married. Yet he sayd that he doesnt do that to me. 

My mom bought an apartment and offered me to live in it and settle myself there. I want to do it. But at the same time i love my husband and want more than nothing to save my family. Im a stay at home mom and love the fact I can be there for my two very small children all the time. the are ages 4years old and 9 months. I am scared of moving to this apartment. I will have to find a job and leave my kids at the hands of starngers. 

My mom also offered that if we do decide to reconcile we can move in together and pay her rent and she will put it away so that we can purchase a house. Im down for that too. but he said no way. basically he doesnt want to do anythign that benefits our family. 

He is wasteful with our money. Everytime we get money saved up he find a reason to blow it. He has no self control. 

Today he told me he was mad at me because i wouldnt lay with him and we got into the same routine. HE told me "I a good looking man, do you thing other women dont want me" I told him "wtf? are you serious, they can have you. Im a good looking girl, do you think men dont want me?" 

Then he gave me the ultimate slap in the face, he said "yeah all they want you for is your vagina". i made it sound nicer than he did. 

So my question is what the hell do i do. He is living in a fog right? hes crazy right?

I cant keep doing this to myself. And the number one reason I dont move is because it is a huge life change. My son will h ave to transfer out of school and go to afterschool care and my daughter will be in daycare while i work a minimum wage job. :-( Im so sad. I dont know what to do. I pray and pray and pray but still nothing. help.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Until he has remorse for his actions - he will just keep doing them.

You've been so strong through all of this. You've made choices that you and your children can be proud of. You're WH is selfish and unrepentant. Don't let his nasty words and actions make you second guess yourself. 

People say it all the time - so you really need to listen: "Stay strong!"


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

mishu143 said:


> Hi all,
> I dont know what to do. I pray and pray and pray but still nothing. help.


There was a saying that stuck with me...

When your on the roughest sea, lost in the darkness... Trust in god, but paddle away from the rocks!!

Take action.

I havent read all of your posts, But occum's razor would suggest that your husband is having an affair.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

You both need counseling. I would suggest IC then maybe MC later on. First you need to decide if you even want to work things out. Going to take a lot of work for along time. If neither of you are up for the long road, then call it quits now.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

mishu143 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Sometimes its about sacrifice. If you want a better lifestyle for you and your kids, then you have to make some kind of change. No one really cares for change but sometimes its what you got to do. 

You say you can't keep doing this to yourself. Well, if you don't make a lifestyle change then chances are this is more than likely exactly how your life will continue. The choice is yours.


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

I know what you are alll saying. Im so hurt. Im scared. I want my marriage more than life itself. Why is he doing this. He swears up and down there is no other woman and i sorta believe him but at the same time i dont believe a word that comes out of him. Im out of it. Totally out of sorts. 

Dont even know where to begin. My world is crumbling around me and i had nothing to do with it. 

this sucks


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

to answer the post question- douche bag


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## Suzy (Nov 23, 2011)

How about a mentally ill *********? They aren't necessarily exclusive...

Sounds to me like you are dealing with a sociopath, or at best a narcissist. Google and look up the traits...he fits the criteria.

The main thing that stands out about your post is that HE'S the one acting a fool, but YOU are the one that's trying to save the relationship. Why? Are you so afraid to be alone?

He has treated you shabbily and doesn't have an ounce of remorse. There is no motivation for him to change if you stay with him...people only change when they are in pain. Based upon the fact that he feels you are the problem, he believes there is nothing for him to change. Except for you.

Stop focusing on changing his behavior and change yourself. It's the only thing you have any amount of control over.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If you're nice for 3 months he'll give you access to everything?

Total douche.


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## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

I also vote douche bag


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yup. Douche bag
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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