# Teaching Emotional Awareness & Communication in School



## Lost Wife (Nov 3, 2018)

Hi, I was curious other people's thoughts on this.

I have done a crap-ton of research on relationships, communication, social pressures on each gender, statistics and reasons behind divorce, etc. etc. I've long wondered why we don't make it a staple in schools to teach Emotional Awareness and Communication in school.

So many lives are torn apart by divorce, including countless children, and many of those divorces are based on not being able to become emotionally aware of themselves, or learn how to functionally communicate with another person. How many people could be spared that, if we better knew how to look at ourselves and talk to each other?

To add onto this, I've realized that a lot of social training around boys, in particular, do not help them grow in these areas, and in fact do the opposite. I have 3 sons, so it was very important for me to try and learn where all of it begins. They do gear themselves to more "male" oriented things. And all of those things primarily teach you to "fight" when faced with adversity, and to "be the leader, or follow the leader" instead of communicating as a team. For example, my son loves TMNT, and so many episodes surround Raphael going on some angry rampage, and while bad stuff might happen from his anger, he's never really taught what to do with those feelings. He just fights a bunch, and then his teams helps him win. The end.

On the flip-side, I grew up on stuff like My Little Pony. It taught things like compromise, compassion, empathy, communication, self awareness, etc. NEVER did I see Flutter Fly go on and angry rampage and go on to beat up a bunch of bad guys because of it (but it would have been humorous to see). 

I do feel this severely affects the future of our children in many areas. Aside from divorce, domestic violence being as prevalent as it is, much of that is also rooted in not knowing how to deal with strong feelings, or the ability to work out other issues in themselves. 

So why isn't why isn't this taught in school? I could see this being of far more use to the success of my children's lives than some other staples of education. And it's not just boys, I think girls would really benefit as well. Not just from learning empathy, etc, but from knowing what to do in a situation where the other person is NOT also kind, compassionate, empathetic, etc, and know where boundaries should be in terms of emotional safety. I mean, sometimes maybe Flutter Fly SHOULDN'T allow Twilight Sparkle to cuss at and call her bad names (although again, would be humorous to see  ), and she should know when to draw a boundary and react appropriately.

Anyway, I'm pretty passionate about it, and maybe someday I'll be able to do something about it, but wondering if anyone else would think that was a good idea or not.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Religion used to do a fair job at that.

Before angry people [and hypocrites] spoiled it for the believers.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

These were things that were taught in my home and now with grands. Both males and females can sew on a button, cook, do laundry, take care of others, show compassion and empathy, love sports (especially football), hike, rock climb, garden, take care of pets, assemble whatever, protect themselves, respect and establish boundaries, etc. They understood that everyone else might not be taught this, and that TV, movies, whatever, might have other biases, but they knew what was expected according to our families' standards.

In today's age, some parents guard how schools influence their children and state laws recognize this. You might find that classes outside of the required school ones are easier to establish.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

How would you change minds? 
How and where would you do this empathy training?

We learn empathy [or lack of it] at home, in school, in the village, from Media, from Hollywood.
We learn it [or not] from our friends, our neighbors, our enemies, our extended family.

A good thought, a tough challenge.

Mahatma Gandhi tried and was murdered for his efforts.

Same with Jesus.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Why shouldn't this be taught in the home first?

I often joke that our local school district is becoming an extension of DSHS but as I watch the cradle to grave philosophy become embedded into public education, my experience shows me that if the lesson is not learned in the home, school is a poor place to substitute it as they ignore the balance of individual and societal rights.

It seems the most vocal are often the most easily offended... and the most angry, and anger gets directly in the way of compassion and empathy.

If the home taught children to deal with their frustration without expanding or extending their initial anger, the other will follow.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Respectfully, there are so many reasons not to.

EB has summed up some of the main reasons. 

It would quickly turn into classes learning the opinions of whichever teacher.

There would be restrictions or prevention of what some responsible parents beneficially already teach their kids.

Then the lawsuits from those later in the kids lives, when the kid (now a young person) responds to a situation and kids arrested or otherwise hurt, and advises he/she was only doing as taught in school.

The program(s) would have to pick which "version" of m/f or emotional is "correct". Inevitably whole groups would be left out, others promoted. 

Wouldn't be good to teach things like "always expect safe spaces". Look how nutty that turned out during the last presidential election at college level even.

Public schools have some existing programs not even gotten right now, much less another class.

Just a few items that come immediately to mind.

Kindly,


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Religion used to do a fair job at that.


I think this is the reason! Separation of Church and State. Public schools can address home economics, finance, and cooking but they are not going to teach how husbands and wives should communicate as that gets directly into religious beliefs for many denominations. 

Yoga would be so beneficial to so many struggling with stress management and depression and that is actually starting to be introduced in a secular context:

https://www.cnn.com/2016/05/10/health/yoga-in-schools/index.html

Regards, 
Badsanta

Well... I spoke too soon about the public seeing yoga in a secular context! 

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/m...ts-demonic-roots/ar-BBPCPcB?OCID=ansmsnnews11

Megachurch pasture now claims yoga is demonic.

Now imagine a public school administrators being caught up in the middle of all this! ...and this is why emotional self awareness and communication will not be taught in schools. You can also make a note about how religion also influences topics such as science in certain states that do not teach evolution.


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## Lost Wife (Nov 3, 2018)

Yay, thanks for the responses!

Yes should be taught in home _too,_ and first. And no, there's no male or female way of being that's "right", as PP said, every gender is capable of every emotional skill, it's more about rebalancing some of the effects of society/media/etc so people can be more self aware and learn communication skills that could benefit them greatly in their future. The commentary on male/female generalization was more providing my personal observation/reasoning behind my passion on it. The actual classes would not be like "Let's all learn to act emotional like females (or males)", Haha. Neither would it specifically be for for marriage, for the reasons stated. I believe these skills can be utilized in many places.


Imagine having fundamental communication skills in place when you get a job where you need to work with others? Or having children, and better helping them learn to understand themselves and feel secure in their individuality, and not feel threatened by another's opinion. Or the basics of communication and empathy, and personal boundaries in any relationship in life. I wish I did! I definitely could have used all of that instead of some other stuff I spent years learning in school (most of which I've forgotten), and believe it effects every area of just about everyone's lives in one way or another. Personal, and business.

As for "how", I suppose much like psychology classes or debate teams, except the goal would be to talk to one another and find common ground despite those differing opinions. Validation practice would be easy too. Emotional awareness, I've seen a lot in preschool shows do it quite a bit (IE Daniel Tiger, "Why are you angry right now? Let's figure it out. ") but then as kids get older, a lot of that stuff in media gets phased out, which I think is a bummer.

I especially feel it's important given how polarized our country is right now in general. I think we could all benefit from trying to understand one another more. 

I really appreciate reading all your thoughts! Thank you for posting!


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

No, just NO. It is a parent’s job to teach a child to be a decent human being. Do you want the government (schools) raising your kid?

We do have a crisis of character/behavior in the USA and I believe it is because of (some) parents that are too busy trying to be a “friend” to their children … not enforcing limits on behavior, making sure their child never fails, never gets their feelings hurt, without consequences for _anything_ and without earning _anything_, etc. In other words, parents are abdicating their responsibilities because parenting is “difficult”. And so, the child grows up in a world with no consequences for behavior and therefore no social interaction skills and, in some cases without a conscience.

As for fighting, competing, being aggressive … those are all normal and even good things in the right context. It is a parent’s job to teach appropriate outlets for those feelings. When my child was young we called those outlets activities that “get the mads out” … i.e. the child expresses the anger/aggression/etc. and no one gets physically hurt.

Children are a gift but let’s face it they are born into the world as miniature narcissistic heathens. It is our job as parents to teach them the skills to be functional and social adults.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Actually, I think school absolutely has a responsibility to promote emotional awareness and good communication skills. For a start, a lot of parents do not have these skills to naturally pass on to their children. I used to see angry, inappropriate behaviour from parents visiting the school all the time and wonder what hope for the next generation. Also, and very importantly, as much as a lot of emotional instability may be a result of chaotic childhood, SCHOOL is a place children spend a lot of their day and it can be a very stressful environment for many of them. If you have calm, happy/ier children they are more likely to be good all round learners. 

Sadly, school in the UK is essentially about numbers, statistics and narcissistic one-upmanship. We need to go back to basics and endeavor to have children leave their education with good self-esteem, as reasonably conscientious citizens, with hopefully a few life skills such as cooking, financial management. Anything else would be a bonus.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

I think the TV shows your kid watches are far less important than whether or not they understand it is unrealistic escapism. 

As others have pointed out, you have to be very careful what you teach kids in public school as you can very quickly offend different beliefs.

Teaching them nutrition, home finance, those should all be good.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

badsanta said:


> I think this is the reason! Separation of Church and State. Public schools can address home economics, finance, and cooking but they are not going to teach how husbands and wives should communicate as that gets directly into religious beliefs for many denominations.
> 
> Yoga would be so beneficial to so many struggling with stress management and depression and that is actually starting to be introduced in a secular context:
> 
> ...


Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could instill, as a community (the old adage it takes a village to raise a child), good mental health BEFORE they reach adulthood. Meditation is something I have always taught my daughter and when the chips are down she still uses this technique. Sadly, mental health is on the rise at her university and they struggle with their own resources. A flat of 10, 5 were medicated for various mental health conditions. Highly intelligent children with great prospects, but poor coping mechinisms for the real world of messiness.


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## Lost Wife (Nov 3, 2018)

Thanks guys!

Help me understand a few things I have difficulty with, please.

If people are okay with children learning tools for math, science, budgeting, literature, why not the tools for communication as well? It's okay to learn how to debate one another, but not to understand and communicate? Especially when it's used every day for the rest of their lives? I think communication tools such as empathy, validation, etc gets confused with something akin to behavioral training, which wouldn't be okay. These things don't tell a child how to act or behave, rather gives them tools they could choose to better understand others and themselves. If we teach nutrition of the body, why not nutrition of the mind? Healthy ways to deal with stress? it's really difficult to see why that would be a bad thing, especially where there's bullying at school, and children who commit suicide because they can't deal, even with the best of parents. And wouldn't learning how to empathize also lessen that bullying?

I also have a hard time understanding, if we agree society (which has issues), the media (whose goal is to make money, not help society), other children (who are immature and not the best examples to learn these things from), etc, are all together a pretty big influence in a child's life, why not put something else out there that would help counteract some of that harmful stuff? 

Also, once again, there's this (per ncvda.org):



> On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States.
> 
> During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.
> 
> ...


Feelings of anger and aggression are natural, I agree on that. But looking at the reality of what our kids are going into, there's a whole lotta people not learning how to deal with those feelings and its destroying lives. What are we doing about that? Those numbers are the result from leaving the lessons of mental health and communication solely on the parent.

And yeah, the TV show thing, obviously those types of things are just a small part of a bigger whole. I highly doubt my son will learn all he knows from Raphael the ninja turtle, haha. But still I believe it's important to recognize these little things and become more aware.

Also @Red Sonja, "narcissistic heathens" haha. So accurate. My teen would be the narcissistic heathen king.

Thanks again for all your opinions!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

peacem said:


> Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could instill, as a community (the old adage it takes a village to raise a child), good mental health BEFORE they reach adulthood. Meditation is something I have always taught my daughter and when the chips are down she still uses this technique. Sadly, mental health is on the rise at her university and they struggle with their own resources. A flat of 10, 5 were medicated for various mental health conditions. Highly intelligent children with great prospects, but poor coping mechinisms for the real world of messiness.


Strangely this comments reminds me of when I went to college. So many extremely intelligent students would have mental breakdowns and then get picked up by parents to go back home indefinitely. 

...and for what? Stupid stuff like not eating and sleeping properly. The idea of sleeping once only every two-three days and eating exclusively from a vending machine and microwave pop tarts is going to catch up with you. 

Badsanta


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