# Not sure where to post this - Re: Dreams



## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

I am not sure where to post this but thought this was the best area. There is a lot of back story which is key to the story.

DH and I have been together for 7+ years and are married with a child.

In the beginning of our relationship, there were some major trust issues which caused us to take a break from each other. There was a period of 1-2 months that we would still communicate but did not consider ourselves as being together.

During this time, I pursued a 'fling' with a guy I had met through friends and had communicated with for a couple months prior, just friendly. Once then BF(now DH) and I were on our 'break', a friend and I decided to meet this guy at a bar to hang out. Instantly we hit it off and our connection was immediate. There was extreme sexual tension which essentially led to some foreplay on the dance floor, making out and more foreplay in the car later. The next day the same friend and I went to a patry with this guy and that night we ended up having sex. It was amazing. This guy encompassed everything I wanted physically in a man, he was big and muscular, tall and very attractive. He was well above average in size and knew what he was doing. He acted like he craved me and wanted to satisfy me. We were comfortable with each other and did not hide anything, very open, only in the physical sense though. 

The next day, I told then BF what happened. Because we were still both reeling from the recent troubles of our relationship, the fact that we also both knew we loved each other, I felt bad and he was upset. We did not resolve to get back together at that point.

I continued to see the guy for the next month or so, we would get drunk together, we would go out on 'dates' which essentially filled the gaps between the sex sessions we would have, about 4-5 times each time we saw each other. Everything was just so damn HOT and steamy and he satisfied me fully. We would go to the bar often and were all over one another, just could not keep our hands off each other.

Then..... one day, after the month or so, I snapped out of it. I realized that no matter how sexually and physically compatible we were, I could not be in a relationship with him. He drank quite heavily and drove often (I cannot believe I ever got in a car with him), I just did not want to end up with someone like him long term. I came to realize that I WANT and NEED to be with then BF (now DH) and I cannot believe that I basically gave him up even though he hurt me so badly previously. I knew that he loved me and truly cared for me but had issues himself that he needed to work on. I never felt like I was settling for DH but rather realizing he was the person I wanted to be with.

We discussed everything in great detail, I told him everything, he told me everything. We got back together and I ended contact with the guy. Then BF(now DH) and I agreed we would put the past behind us.

About 6-12 months, I find out DH is disobeying my trust again. Around that same time, the guy from before sends me a text simply saying hey. We started talking again, basically having phone sex and sexting for a week maybe? I stopped it because I once again realized, I do not want to do this, I want to work things out with DH, there is something good there, lets make it work.

Another 6 months later maybe, my BFF I mentioned earlier are out dancing and my drunk self texts this guy again. I ask him to come to the bar to meet us. He shows up, we dance, I tease but nothing ends up happening and I go home. We talk for a couple days and that was the end of it.

Maybe 6 months later again, I do the same thing. He meets us at the bar and the chemistry and attraction is still there. We did not kiss but came very close, I ended up leaving the bar with him at closing and we drove around but in the end, I asked him to take me back so I could drive home. Nothing happened, we talked for a few more days then ended contact.

A little more time passes, DH and I are serious about our relationship, we work on things and are at a really good place. We get engaged, we got married a year later. I soon found out I was pregnant. I decided to contact that guy to tell him I have worked on my life, gotten my **** together, we were having our first baby and I wish him the best. That was that. I have not talked to him since, it has been 2+ years.

I should mention as well that from the time that then BF(now DH) and I got back together and until maybe 2 years later, I did not have an orgasm. DH was a great lover but I feel like because I had such a high and such a sexual chemistry with the other guy, it had caused an issue with DH now. It was maybe around the last time I saw that guy that I actually gave in and had an orgasm with DH. It took some creativity but it happened. Since then, sex with DH has been incredible and I truly feel that he is the one both in life and in bed. We are so much more connected than ever before.

****

Here is what I need help with:

I have been having incredibly vivid sexual dreams for about the last 6 months or so. Some are fantasies but many of them include this guy from before and often in the dream, I am cheating on DH. I have looked up online what these types of dreams mean and it often says that I want what I had in that past relationship and have it in my current one. Fine... but the number of dreams I am having the and content is getting to me.

I will not cheat on DH, I have no desire to be that person. I have a child, I took vows. I just will not. DH and I have discussed that if it ever came to that, we would just divorce because we clearly were not happy. Divorce is also something we do not take lightly. We rather seek help first. We have already had some counseling after some miscarriages we had and have become stronger since again. Divorce is not really an option unless dire circumstances and infidelity is not at all an option.

But WHY am I having these dreams? Especially with that guy in them. I just cannot get it out of my head.

I need some thoughts an advice. 

Please do not judge for my past, I was a different person back then.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

Is it possible that these dreams represent the wild and uncommitted days of the past, when you didn't have commitments and obligations? Does "that guy" represent wild and passionate sex with no responsibilities, while your day to day life is full of the responsibilities of being a mother and a wife?


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

Any other opinions on this?


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