# Correlation between # of partners and subsequent sex drive in marriage?



## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

Do people here believe there is a correlation between # of partners and their sex drive/sex quality in marriage?
Something that seemed interesting to me. 
So if someone has had multiple partners before the marriage, they are more willing to have sex with their spouse or keep the sex exciting during marriage? And if the inverse is true?

I know in my experience this seems to be slightly true. My wife has many sisters. All of them were virgins before meeting their future husbands (religious family), my wife included. Just from the stories I've heard, comments made by my wife (so not the most in depth study here :rofl, only 2 of the 6 would be considered possible HD or sexually adventurous. 

so I'm throwing this question out to TAM.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My gut tells me that if there is any correlation then it would be an inverse correlation. I've thought for a long time that sexually promiscuous women are more likely to be low drive in marriage. Obviously I'm making a gross generalization, but in many cases the reasons for promiscuity can lead to low drive in monogamy. In some cases promiscuity is due to low self esteem. In other cases it's because the person bores easily. Both of these examples could lead to problems in the marriage bed.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I really don't think there is a correlation. My husband was a virgin when we married. It wasn't until he was diagnosed with depression (later other psychological problems as well) and medicated accordingly that his drive dropped. It wasn't until he was put on a medication for ADD (diagnosed adult ADD in March) that his drive took a significant nosedive. The medications he is on... it's a Catch 22. He can take the meds, which helps him function mentally and socially or he can skip them, have another breakdown, but MAYBE be able to function sexually. We are down to once a week now, where we were nearly everyday before the ADD diagnosis/medication. But we were, in the first few years of marriage, having sex multiple times each day. 

If anyone was lower drive in our marriage, in the beginning, it was me. And I had slept with two other men before meeting my husband. Now? I'm wanting sex all the time. While I had enjoyed sex previously, I now want it all the time.

So, no, I don't really think there is a correlation. I don't think a promiscuous person is more likely to have a higher drive than a virgin.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I had very few partners and I was HD. My husband also had very few partners and he was LD. 

No correlation here.

BTW my husband's drive is higher now (fixed maritial problem) and mine is lower (due to age). At age 46 we are now even in drives.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> My gut tells me that if there is any correlation then it would be an inverse correlation. I've thought for a long time that sexually promiscuous women are more likely to be low drive in marriage. Obviously I'm making a gross generalization, but in many cases the reasons for promiscuity can lead to low drive in monogamy. In some cases promiscuity is due to low self esteem. In other cases it's because the person bores easily. Both of these examples could lead to problems in the marriage bed.


On top of that, a woman can bed a much hotter / more alpha guy on a ONS than she can get a ring from.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> My gut tells me that if there is any correlation then it would be an inverse correlation. I've thought for a long time that sexually promiscuous women are more likely to be low drive in marriage. Obviously I'm making a gross generalization, but in many cases the reasons for promiscuity can lead to low drive in monogamy. In some cases promiscuity is due to low self esteem. In other cases it's because the person bores easily. Both of these examples could lead to problems in the marriage bed.


I believe this as well. 

As well, I think it depends on when the partners are. If she (using a woman because I'm a man) slept with most of her partners at 18-20, but she didn't get married until she's 30, that's a long time ago and things can change a great deal in that time.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I don't think there would be any correlation at all. I've had much fewer partners than my current partner but way more sex. It just happened that my sex occurred with the same woman while I was married and hers was infrequently with various men while she was single. I've probably been more adventurous than her because I had the security of being with someone I trusted completely while for her the newness would have been excitement enough with a new partner.


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## Gorky75 (Aug 22, 2012)

This is not what I have experienced. I do not think they are correlated. Sexual practices in a long term relationship is quite different than a few month dating relationship.


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## Gorky75 (Aug 22, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I don't think there would be any correlation at all. I've had much fewer partners than my current partner but way more sex. It just happened that my sex occurred with the same woman while I was married and hers was infrequently with various men while she was single. I've probably been more adventurous than her because I had the security of being with someone I trusted completely while for her the newness would have been excitement enough with a new partner.


+1


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

The question is so moot that I could not begin to enumerate the multitude of factors involved that would produce different results for different people, nor am I inclined to try. Suffice it to say that everyone is different and everyone's circumstances are different. A good example of what I mean is the one offered by WorkingOnMe. He presented scenarios involving sexually promiscuous women. But, you didn't ask about women only although I do believe your question was aimed concerning women, and he apparently thought so too. Still, he presented a particular group of women - those who were sexually promiscuous before marriage, which is only one (and hopefully very small) segment of female society. And, he no less, attributed emotional/psychological/behavioral imbalances as the reasons for their promiscuity. Can you imagine how many more segments of female society there are to count......plus all their problems? The numbers are infinite. You'd never get to the end to draw a conclusion.

Your own conclusion from your limited sample group was based on ratio and not the general aspect of the question. So, you didn't recognize that you answered your own question but drew a conclusion after ignoring the apparent results. The answer is no, there is no correlation. Neither the question nor its inverse is true. And, to throw in at least one problem to attribute to your sample group, maybe your sisters-in-law (and/or your wife) who ARE NOT high drive and adventurous have very boring husbands and unsatisfying sex lives. There now.


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## Hetfield (Feb 7, 2010)

I don't know if anyone will ever truly find out the answer because with some there is a correlation one way or the other and with others there is no relationship between the two.

In my own personal history, I have been/am in 4 LTR including two marriages.

First was the LTR that never ended in marriage. She was a virgin and I had limited experience. Her drive was probably average at best when I look back and compare them to all others. She was not overly adventurous sexually.

Second was my XW. She was also a virgin when we married (hey, what can I say). Like another poster had said earlier, I had to teach her everything...and I mean everything. After about 3 months of marriage she was basically a nympho who was into porn, mild kink, some fetishes and wanted it at least twice a day if not more. But, as the years went by other aspects of our marriage suffered to the point where we both agreed to part ways amicably.

The third was a LTR and yes, she too was a virgin (yes, just my luck) but she had a keen sense of sex and through reading erotica and watching porn was an instant freak in the sheets when she decided to finally have sex. That relationship ended when she took a job in a different city across the continent.

That last one is my current wife. Definitely not a virgin when we met and has slept with many men (her claim is 20, give or take 5). Great sex drive for the most part unless she is stressed out or is preoccupied with keeping the nest clean. However, not very adventurous at all despite her telling me during one of our "game nights" that she had done a lot of things with other guys but has no interest in doing them again...especially with me because I make her totally happy the way things are.

So, to summarize:
Woman 1 - virgin, average sex drive, fairly conservative sexually
Woman 2 - virgin, high sex drive, very adventurous
Woman 3 - virgin, high sex drive, very adventurous
Woman 4 - non-virgin, average to high sex drive, very conservative


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