# Feeling very alone



## allyouneedislove (Nov 9, 2014)

Hi all, 
This is my first time posting in this sort of forum, just looking for some advice or something going through the same sort of thing..

I have been married to my husband for 4 year now and been together for over 6, We have 2 daughter 3 and 2 yrs old and I have 2 boys from my first marriage....

I love my husband with all my heart but I feel emotionally alone in our marriage.. My husband finds it very hard to show his feeling.. Sometimes even very basic ones... 

Our marriage has sure had a lot of ups and downs, what with my health not being to good.. and with having 4 kids in the house it sure can be testing... 

Over the past few months we have been going through quite a rough patch.. I found out he was talking to an old sch friend ( female) and i took it really badly.. He hardly spoke to me , so how comes he was chatting to this lady all the time.. Anyway I found out about this and he really couldn't see the harm in it...

This opened a whole can of worms up and our feelings towards towards one another.. I found it hard to talk to him as I didnt seem to get anything back.. I even wrote a long email to him explaining how I felt and he just said he couldn't reply to it.. In my eyes i see it as he could reply to his old sch. friend but not his own wife... 

He has said to me out straight that he finds it hard to express his feelings towards me.. He strongly believes he has alexithymia , I am not to sure.. 

Is there anyone else going through the same sort of thing, I just want him to open up to me and tell me his feelings..
I just want to stop feeling alone..


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Start detaching from him and you might get a reaction.

Start going out, and making new friends.

Start living your life, and everyone needs a life outside of marriage to decompress and relieve stress.

He is having an emotional affair with this woman.

He is bonding with her, and ignoring you.

He may have a mental issue, and that is his own issue to resolve.



If you want it to end between them, collect evidence, and tell family and friends. 

Tell them that he is ignoring his family and spending his time with another woman.

The shame of his actions may kil off what they have.

If you really want to see if he still has feelings for you, file for divorce or get a separation.

Sometimes people need something impending to knock some sense back into them.

Be happy without him, and it is possible.


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## allyouneedislove (Nov 9, 2014)

Mr Fisty
Thank you for taking the time out to reply to me.. 
My husband has told me since i found out, he has had no more contact with this female.. 

Are there any females out there gone /or going through something the same, just want someone to talk to please..


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## lisamaree (Nov 2, 2014)

Are you sure he has stopped talking to this other woman and that he isn't just saying that to you to get you off his back?

Has he always had issues with expressing his emotions?

Do you two share any hobbies or interests? How often are you alone together?

I have had a period of time feeling lonely like you do in my marriage and it was when my husband had an emotional affair. That's why I ask if you are certain he is no longer speaking to his old female friend. He could have sensed you were picking up on something when you brought her up and wanted to throw you off.


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## allyouneedislove (Nov 9, 2014)

lisamaree said:


> Are you sure he has stopped talking to this other woman and that he isn't just saying that to you to get you off his back?
> 
> Has he always had issues with expressing his emotions?
> 
> ...


Hi, I did had my doubts about him still talking to her, All sorts went through my mind, did he have another phone, another account, new emails, everything went through my mind.. . and I have found nothing that actually indicates him still talking to her.. I am going on trust here, that he is telling me the truth and it has all stopped...

We both work from home and spend a lot of time together.. working and family life, he has even hinted at the idea of me going into business with him to help him out as it is growing.. 


In the 6 plus years we have been together he has a been a pretty closed book when it comes to his emotions, as i said before its only this EA (not sure it even was...) that has sparked off the whole me needed to know his feelings etc...

He is trying, yesterday I was having a pretty crappy day.. I have hurt my shoulder and the pain is just running me down... But he must have picked up on this and bought me a lovely bunch of flowers... I got that lovely feeling inside, that i am wanted and cared for.... 

The only thing That is still in the back of my mind is the Email he never replied to.. I am still hoping one day he will....


Did your husband stop his EA and have you worked things out...


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Have you describe to him that you feel shut out by him.

That you want to know him, and feel connected to him.

How can you be a part of his life when he doesn't share his thoughts and feelings?

Perhaps then he can seek therapy on opening up, and learn communications skills.

Was he raised not to show emotions?

Most of what we are is how we were raised.


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