# Will it and can it get better??



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

My STBX and I have been pretty crappy to each other. Especially since we both talked about when and if we decided to go this route that we would keep it cordial. So many things have affected that stance in recent months. She sees me as a freeloader that doesnt pay anything towards the house while I'm there and I see her as a vindictive and spiteful woman who doesnt see the contributions i make to the home while i am there. For the most part, it's been money that has turned this into a nightmare. What I want to know is if this will ever repair itself. She's gone as far as bashing me to people who I considered mutual friends and airing our dirty laundry out to them. I have no malice in my heart towards her and i truly hope one day maybe we can come to a crossroads where things can be civil towards us. It just seems like her life revolves strictly on beating me and doingg whatever she can to talk negatively towards me. I have never spoken ill of her to anyone and refuse to put anyof my friends in a position where they would have to choose between her or I. Those that judge me based only on her story I won't consider them my friends unfortunately. All i can do is hope that for the sake of my children this hateful and bitter behavior leaves her and she learns once again that i meant her no harm and that this just did not work after 10 years.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

My ex and I said a lot of nasty things to each other during the beginning stages of our divorce. I believe we have forgiven each other for the majority of our undesirable behaviors which took place at then.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

could be irrational self-preservation, internal demonizing of the other individual to gain a sense of strength to get through it.
or she could be getting coaching from someone helping her build a case against you in divorce court.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I truly hope it gets better. Perhaps she's just in the thick of it and lashing out. Really keep on eye on it, though. My friend's ex never got over this behavior and three years later they are still battling in court over his petty and delusional accusations.


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## singleinjanuary (May 18, 2011)

sadand said:


> My H has been really clear about us trying to be king and civil to each other during this process, which I agree with, but I am sorry, there are just some things that stink about this and sometimes I am hurt and angry. I try to keep myself together, but it is very hard to be nice


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## singleinjanuary (May 18, 2011)

I'm with you sad. I am greatful for a stbx that is decent to his kids and fair as far as money goes. I try so hard to be nice but damn this situation seems so unfair at times!! We have said some real ugly things to each other. I know that some of the things I said I wish I could take back but I had to get really mad before I actually stuck up for myself. It seems this is pretty normal that you go through these stages of mourning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

I agree as well. Keeping the civility and the happy face is just so damned hard to do. Especially when things seem like everything is out to get you upset.


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## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

It's funny how it seems that after the marriage is on the rocks the real big guns can come out (even if you are not fighting). I feel like my W is manipulating me much more since she left. All I am trying to do is stay positive, but she hasn't mentioned divorce directly. She just says things that point toward divorce without actually saying the words. I don't want a divorce, but she really knows how to kick me when I'm down.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

I know the feeling Dante. My STBX has said things that have attacked me as a father and a human being. Going as far as insulting my level of education which seemed to be good enough for her when she decided to marry me. It's a low blow to me and then I try to hold it together but she says these things and then dont have the inner strength to hold back and I lash out back at her. It's just so disgusting that we go at each other this way because at one time we did love each other very much. I know she her bitterness stems alot with the fact that she feels that she is unfairly carrying the load within the home as far as bills. The fact is she always made more than me and wanted me to pay the usual bills and then on top of that pay half of a 3400 once we decided to split. I wanted out of the house and to sell it. I thought that was the most affordable option for everyone but she decided she wanted the house. I said fine take it but I am only paying the bills I normally paid which my lawyer said was fair considering my income. She decided she didnt want to help pay half of the credit card debt that I was carrying so i felt we were even on that front. I digress, I hope that when I do move out that hopefully the process of healing can begin and that we can, for the sake of our kids learn to work towards a civil and healthy relationaship, right now that seems impossible.


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