# Husband acting a bit Dramatic...



## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

So my H got home last night around 7:00pm, and didn't want the steak/chicken I had made for dinner. So he proceeded to make himself something else...that's all fine.

Our youngest was goofing off, throwing a dog toy around...it flew up and almost right into my H's food. Boy was he mad...he asked me to take his plate which I did.

Then he went into our formal living room to sit in the dark, gets up goes onto the porch, comes back in and sits again in the LR but turned on the light. Then gets up, gets his coat and keys...gives me a sad smile and a small wave...and leaves.

He was gone for at least 3 hrs...where did he go?

I think it may be time to tell him that the kids and I are moving home in June.

Any thoughts?


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

without remembering your background issues, that's definitely pouty, childish stuff. He probably went to a bar, but either way sounds like a bomb waiting to go off.


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## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

Hoops, I know, right?

I'm thinking he went to a casino or something. He's not a drinker.

I was actually thinking he wasn't gonna come home at all.

Do you think he is just waiting for me to say we are leaving, so he won't have to?


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

So I just read your other posts, and I really have no idea why you're still with this man. I'm staying in my marriage because of my kids and I think they're better off with me at home than away from them, but I believe the opposite to be true of your husband based on your other thread. I think if you two were to divorce, it would be like a giant dark cloud being lifted from your kids. They retreat to their room, he wants no part of their lives, etc.

I realize it's easiest to do nothing and just keep on suffering, but I think your marriage is actually hurting your kids more than you think. It's not to late for you to show them that this isn't normal, you won't take it, and they deserve better in their lives and future relationships.

I hate to say, "leave him - divorce", but I rarely give this advice on here. I'm almost always telling people to stick it out and try, try, try. But in this case, the marriage benefits no one. If you tell your husband you're strongly considering a divorce, I bet he won't put up much of a fight. He treats you like his personal chef and house maid - not a wife and partner.


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## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

I think I've stayed all this time because we had 3 kids and I felt like it was the only thing to do.

You know the old adage "If I knew then what I know now..." that has become my mantra. I never saw his behavior becoming this way for my kids. I wanted the daddy's girl/daddy's boy for them.

There are so many other things that I could write on here: the old he did, she did...I do not think I am without blame...but I am not soley to blame.

I've seen our MC without my H a couple times...and she has brought up emotional abuse each time. I think I just blew it off because I wasn't ready to see. The last time my eyes were opened.

I worry though that I am only focusing on the bad. And I will hurt him beyond belief.

After last night, and his leaving I think I might finally be ready.


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## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

I emailed him at work to ask him a question and to also ask what he did last night.

He says he drove to work off his mad, stopped at the casino and watched a couple hrs of TV. Apologized for getting so mad.

I haven't replied to him. I don't think an apology is gonna do it this time.


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

I don't know that his little episode this time warrants separation; I just think your relationship as a whole sounds awful; his relationship with the kids sounds awful. I don't think he wants to be there, you would rather him not be there, the kids would probably rather him not be there. At some point you need to say, "either things change and you start acting more like a father and husband, or we need to start talking about separation/divorce."


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## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

Trust me...this is not the first time he has acted like this.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

You mentioned temper tantrumming behavior in another thread. And this seems the same. It may be too little too late, but have you done any reading on setting effective limits?


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## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

Mom,

I've read a bit, but at this point I don't think it will be effective. He is just to used to having his own way.

I have been a horrible push over thru the whole relationship and I don't have the energy to try reigning him in. Really, do I need another child in the house?


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

No. You dont need another child. He needs to Man Up, but thats not going to happen if he keeps getting a pass for his behavior.

Also, you are an enabler in this. You also need to "man up", so to speak. Your silence lets him get away with this childish bullsh$t. Honestly, if he was out with the guys, and pulled that, there would be no end of our manly insults to him about growing a pair, already.

Is this what you want in your future? Forever. Leaving isnt permanent, by the way. It may just be the kick in the nuts your SO needs to get his sh$t together. 

I just cant imagine not interacting with my kids and making them laugh thier a$$es off! Nothing is better in the world than laughing, smiling kids that are so happy they run up to you when you get home, giggling, and want you to tickle them. Mind you, i wasnt always like this. I had depression, and my wifes EA and our separation really forced me to inventory my life and what was wrong with me. Sometimes we all need that kick in the nuts back into reality.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Also, you are an enabler in this. You also need to "man up", so to speak. Your silence lets him get away with this childish bullsh$t.


I was thinking the same thing... the story about you asking what he wanted for dinner in the other thread and him acting like a spoiled 5 year old that didn't want to eat your cooking really bothered me. If he respected you, he wouldn't treat you that way. But you've allowed him to treat you like "the help" and he doesn't respect you. He knows there won't be any real consequences for acting selfish, rude, spoiled, etc.

Put your foot down and don't allow him to walk all over you. Conflict isn't fun, but sometimes its necessary.


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## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

This is my H's reasoning for the way he acted last night:

Look, I am very stressed out and depressed about work at the moment. I am really lost here and I don't know what to do. Because of that I am edgy and I am having a real hard time calming down. To be honest, I have been worrying about having a heart attack. I am sorry that he set me off, but I really need to come home and unwind.... I really tried, but the dog toy landing in my food set me off.

I told him I think it's time that he look for a contracting job, so the kids and I can move home.

Thoughts?


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

Sounds like a bunch of excuses and denial.

Tell him you understand about the stress of the job and he should go get a physical at the doctor if he's worried about his heart. And while you empathize, it still is not justification for his actions. If something as small as a dog toy landing near his plate sets him off, then he's going to find something to set him off nearly every day.

Every day we adults have something happen that is a mini kick to the nuts. But when you get knocked down, you don't fall to the ground and kick and pound the ground and cry for mommy. You take a breath, get up, dust yourself off, and keep moving.

You act as if you're scared of him. Does he intimidate you? Why can't you demand to be treated as an equal?

He's not going to take your "time to move home" statement serious. Why should he? You've said it many, many times and haven't followed through. To him, that's just something you won't stop nagging about and it's in one ear and out the other. Until you break this pattern of excusing his childish behavior and being a doormat for him to step on, this isn't going to get any better.


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## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

In a way...YES! I am intimidated.

When i do express any anger or any other type of disappointment, it all gets turned back on me. It's my fault and I am not acting like a rational adult. OR I can't believe you're angry at me for this OR I can't believe you're treating me this way!

I know it's not an excuse, but when I was growing up you didn't back talk, etc. It's ingrained and I have had this problem my whole life.

I understand now what he is trying to do... I don't believe for a minute he is worried about his heart. The man is a hypochondriac, among other things. At one point his dr. refused to do bloodwork because he always has something wrong.

I can guarantee he better take it seriously this time...cause it's gonna happen.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Ohio,

One of the hardest things in life is realeasing old paradigms that shaped your youth and truly finding yourself. For men, its finding thier NUTS. For women....i dont know....reading LIve, Love,, Laugh. Anything that can empower you to break out of old thought processes, and truly becoming your own person responsible for making your own happiness. Noone is ever going to do that for you.

Your husband is a four year old in a grown mans body. He is blameshifting, making excuses, and feels that its his entitlement to throw his little tantrums. This is not how a real man acts. A real man grabs lifes ups and downs by the balls and runs with it. He knows he is responsible for his own happiness, and if he doesnt have it, ge makes it. He is strong, supportive, kind, a nourisher, a nurturer, a teacher, a mentor, a lover, and a seducer. He knows himself, and he knows how to treat a woman to make her feel not only respected, but the most sexy and important woman in the world. Your SO is falling short. However, you cnt fix him. Only he can fix himself. Thats why sometimes a guy just needs a kick in the nuts once in a while.

Now..you CAN change yourself. You can become stronger. You cn become empowered. You can make your life happy, all the happiness you can muster is yours for the taking. But its up to ypu. You cant be afraid. You cant be shy. You just have to do. You are a lioness, lady! Act like one!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

So I've told him my plans of heading home this summer with the kids.

He thinks I am being a bit rash, I have to admit...he has asked a few times over the last couple weeks if i am leaving and I say no.

In my defense, I have been planning...

He thinks the only reason I am going is because of last night.

Please...send me strength for tonight. When something like this happens he is a talker and i can't back down on this!


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

(((((((STRENGTH)))))))------->SEND
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

Thanks Alpha.

Now that I've ripped my H's heart out...I feel like the worst person on the face of the earth.

We talked for 2 hrs at a local resturant. Or I should say he did, mostly.

Telling me all the reasons why we should NOT break up.He doesn't want me to go, And now he is open to MC. Oh, and he doesn't want me to take his kids away.

We came home and he went to our room for about 10 minutes. Then came down and said something about being sick if he stays here. You could tell he'd been crying.

I really don't believe anything will change.

Am I making the WORST decision ever?


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Well, if you stay, your unhappy. The kids are unhappy. Your husband is unhappy.

If you go, your scared. Your kids are scared. But...your going to a loving haven. You can relax. Your kids can relax. Sure, you will dwell on your decision. But, you will also reflect upon your life. You will have time to think. To gain strength.

Your husband. He just got kicked in the nuts. But maybe this is good. Maybe he will realize he needs to change. Sometimes we only embrace change when we are at the precipice. If he does, then this is awesome! because your decision need not be permanent. If he doesn't, the you need to ask yourself if you really wanted to remain in that environment forever...because you would be if he refuses change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

This morning was horrible...and made me doubt my decision even more.

I am sure that is his intention.

He cried, and said he didn't know what was going to happen to him after this was all over, he doesn't want me to be "single" until we have gone home (All of this is NOT about me wanting someone else.), and he is expressing concern over the area my family is currently living (how will our youngest cope).

When we talked last night...I tried to explain my feelings, and where they are coming from. How I have been unhappy for most of our marriage.

He thinks that I have taken one event and blown it up into a big deal.

He went on to say how I have an anger issue. Once I blow up, I can't come down.

In my defense, I get angry because I know what's coming. The fault is always mine, and I will end up taking the blame...making the apology. So, if I do stay wired for a while, this is why.

He says we are coming into the best years of our lives. We are still quite young. (I am 37 he will be 39 this summer) The older 2 will be moving on and we will be able to do more and more of what we enjoy. Yes, there are things we enjoy doing together. But I am not sure this time makes up for all the downs we have had in our relationship.

He talked about being depressed. And still he resists seeing a counslor for himself. He says it is not the norm for him to feel this way, and why won't I help him get thru this.

He mentioned the other night and how I could have helped diffuse the situation if I had just gone into the living room with him. Like he is the lion and I am the lion tamer. I am supposed to love him up and stroke his mane and make him feel better.

I am confused and I am lost. And I have no one really to talk too.

I talk with my mom, and while I know she hates to see my marriage fall apart...I know she just wants me home.

My best friend is having her own issues with her H. When we talk she says she thinks all of this is a long time coming.

I need strength.


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