# Possible reconcile



## tkpr0

hello,

I'm currently deployed. Wife split in April with little to no warning after 14 months of marriage. At the time, she fed me the usual things. Unhappy, emotionally deprived even though I gave it my all. Never had closure for myself. Few months later she says that she wants to try again. That last about 3 days before she said she wanted to be together but still divorced. I told her I was not approving of that. I called her past Christmas to see if our daughter received my gifts and that when everything went down. She admitted that her mom manipulated her into giving up both times and that she wants to try again. And shes going to show me. Once again, communication was good for a few days and now shes back to her usual self. I don't know if maybe her mom (since she's still living with her) is off work and currently home so thats why shes ignoring me... or what. I've tried called... seems to ring once or twice and then to voicemail. I just don't know what to do. I keep telling her she needs to be all in or all out. Anyone whose deployed should understand the accompanied stress of having to deal with a "sort of" relationship.


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## tkpr0

As an update; We have been doing well except for a few key areas. One of the main reasons we didn't do well while married was due to her lying a lot. Which causes me to have little to no trust in her. With that being said, in the month or so we have been talking, she has lied and hidden a few truths from me a few times. She did it again the other night. She lied. About something I gave her a chance to confess to the other day. I asked again and she didn't respond at first. It wasn't until about a half a hour later she responded and admitted to lieing to me the other day. 

How are we suppose to reconcile when she keeps lieing? Why should I keep going back to her when she keeps doing this to me?


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## synthetic

> How are we suppose to reconcile when she keeps lieing?


You can't.


> Why should I keep going back to her when she keeps doing this to me?


You shouldn't.

If she's comfortable lying, be sure that she's comfortable cheating on you every chance she gets. Is that what you want from your marriage?


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## tkpr0

I think I have one last question... We both did things with other people during the separation, is it unfair for me to be hurt if she did something with the first guy after she left me that she wouldn't do with me?


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## Shaggy

tkpr0 said:


> I think I have one last question... We both did things with other people during the separation, is it unfair for me to be hurt if she did something with the first guy after she left me that she wouldn't do with me?


Absolutely. It's also not unreasonable to assume she did it with him purely to spite you.


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## tkpr0

So I shouldn't let it bother me?


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