# Marriage Is Over Ratted!



## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

So it's been about 3 years post divorce and I have to say I don't miss being married (maybe it's being married to the person I was married to). A part of me feels like marriage as an institution is simply unadoptable to the present time(s). Like an old solution to todays "problems" for lack of a better term.
I come and go as I please, date who I want and live life on my own terms. More importantly the constant pressure and nonsense that comes with tolerating another human being is not something I ever have to deal with or ever want to deal with anymore.
Someone once told me, if you look at where you are today and it's better than where you were in the past, then whichever is better is where you are supposed to be.

Does anyone think marriage is overrated?


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

And undermoused!


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Nope, I love being married otherwise i would not have got married.

Although i never really wanted to marry until i met my husband.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

melw74 said:


> Nope, I love being married otherwise i would not have got married.
> 
> Although i never really wanted to marry until i met my husband.


Perhaps it all has to do with the person you're married to.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think yes and no.

It's finding out whether you want it or not, too.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I think yes and no.
> 
> It's finding out whether you want it or not, too.


This is correct as well. I don't think some people are marriage material. In the same token some people are. 
However, it's amazing how many people get married because it was the "right thing to do at a certain age"...then again says who?!:scratchhead:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

aston said:


> However, it's amazing how many people get married because it was the "right thing to do at a certain age"...then again says who?!:scratchhead:


Says societal constructions of what is considered the "norm" or "right" or "proper."

Same thing as when women are told they are "old" by 30 and should have a baby by XYZ time; it's the same thing that states that men aren't men unless they have a respectable career and income; same societal things that state that a young woman should be chaste and virginal and not have many lovers versus men being celebrated for having many.

People think they need to check off little boxes at the right time and if not, are led to believe something is wrong with them. It's kind of fascist when you think about it.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Says societal constructions of what is considered the "norm" or "right" or "proper."
> 
> Same thing as when women are told they are "old" by 30 and should have a baby by XYZ time; it's the same thing that states that men aren't men unless they have a respectable career and income; same societal things that state that a young woman should be chaste and virginal and not have many lovers versus men being celebrated for having many.
> 
> People think they need to check off little boxes at the right time and if not, are led to believe something is wrong with them. It's kind of fascist when you think about it.


AAMEN! I'll keep my career and money....last time I said "I love you" it cost me a house. Society is free to think more or less of me as it pleases :lol:......I'll keep crying all the way to the bank :rofl:


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

aston said:


> So it's been about 3 years post divorce and I have to say I don't miss being married (maybe it's being married to the person I was married to). A part of me feels like marriage as an institution is simply unadoptable to the present time(s). Like an old solution to todays "problems" for lack of a better term.
> 
> I come and go as I please, date who I want and live life on my own terms. More importantly the constant pressure and nonsense that comes with tolerating another human being is not something I ever have to deal with or ever want to deal with anymore.
> 
> ...



Your opinion, but I don't share this sentiment. I would say that marriage may not suit everyone and respect the person who chooses not to get married. I think marriage is not overrated for some, but should not be the expectation of all adults. 

I've been married for nearly 20 years to my beautiful bride and don't feel the same pressures, nonsense and frustrations you experienced. I'm sorry you had to endure a relationship based on those terms, but they don't apply to all marriages.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

drerio said:


> Your opinion, but I don't share this sentiment. I would say that marriage may not suit everyone and respect the person who chooses not to get married. I think marriage is not overrated for some, but should not be the expectation of all adults.
> 
> I've been married for nearly 20 years to my beautiful bride and don't feel the same pressures, nonsense and frustrations you experienced. I'm sorry you had to endure a relationship based on those terms, but they don't apply to all marriages.


Very well said! It's people like you that make people like us hopeful that the concept of meaningful relationships do exist and marriage may not be over rated after all.
I think the transactional sense of urgency is my biggest turn off to the whole thing. You date someone and they automatically expect that after a set period of calendar time you should be planning your life around marriage and settling down. Shouldn't it happen organically / naturally? 
If it's meant to be it's meant to be. The most successful relationships I know long term have been 15 - 18 years and both were not married until one got married recently......it wasn't a big deal or surprise to anyone either.
I guess I value the relationship more than the institution itself.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Marriage isn't overrated.

My XW, on the other hand, was.

That's my fault.

Though, I have a great girl now, I don't think I want to go down that path again. 

The only thing that may change my mind is my children. I would love to be able to model a fully functioning relationship with my partner. 

Do I need to be married for that?


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