# My wife is in a mental hospital because of me.



## DeanG (Feb 3, 2021)

My wife left our house after a fight & got herself admitted to a mental hospital (she suffers from PTSD and it is not her first time being in a mental hospital. However, It is the first time since we got married 3 years ago) . The fight was my fault. I kept arguing with her like a child and she got fed up with my arguments. She packed 5-days worth of her clothes while I was trying to stop her from leaving, she said she needed a break and that she does not want to be married to me anymore among other very hurtful things. I asked her where are you going? and she said her friend's house. Two hours after she left, I went to bed and then I received a message from her saying that she is being admitted to a mental hospital and she will not have her phone with her past this point. I am very devastated, sad and guilty. I called the hospital but they refused to give me any info or connect me with her. They said it is patient driven and if she wants to see me or talk to me she will reach out. I have no one to vent to (no friends or family) besides her and I don't know what to do. I miss her so much


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Look, YOU didn't put her in there. She obviously had PTSD from something before you even got together. I DO give her credit enough that she recognized she needed help and went to the hospital. They will help her get through all of this.
I don't know what her PTSD was caused by, but there is a therapy called EMDR that is designed to help PTSD -- she may want to look into that once her stay at the H is done.

Look, something you may have said, or something ABOUT the argument obviously triggered her. This is not ANYTHING that you should feel guilty about -- you would have no idea what could have done this for her.
While she is there, work on YOU -- work out (helps with stress), do things you wanted to get to around the house, work on a hobby, etc.. DON'T self medicate with drinking (or other...). TRY to sleep. 
If you have no friends, you may want to start working on that -- try meetup.com -- they have a lot of groups doing all sorts of stuff and you can meet people that way.
Very sorry you are dealing with this.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

DeanG said:


> My wife left our house after a fight & got herself admitted to a mental hospital (she suffers from PTSD and it is not her first time being in a mental hospital. However, It is the first time since we got married 3 years ago) . The fight was my fault. I kept arguing with her like a child and she got fed up with my arguments. She packed 5-days worth of her clothes while I was trying to stop her from leaving, she said she needed a break and that she does not want to be married to me anymore among other very hurtful things. I asked her where are you going? and she said her friend's house. Two hours after she left, I went to bed and then I received a message from her saying that she is being admitted to a mental hospital and she will not have her phone with her past this point. I am very devastated, sad and guilty. I called the hospital but they refused to give me any info or connect me with her. They said it is patient driven and if she wants to see me or talk to me she will reach out. I have no one to vent to (no friends or family) besides her and I don't know what to do. I miss her so much


Venting to her wouldn't be helpful. She is already stressed to her limit.


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## DeanG (Feb 3, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> Look, YOU didn't put her in there. She obviously had PTSD from something before you even got together. I DO give her credit enough that she recognized she needed help and went to the hospital. They will help her get through all of this.
> I don't know what her PTSD was caused by, but there is a therapy called EMDR that is designed to help PTSD -- she may want to look into that once her stay at the H is done.
> 
> Look, something you may have said, or something ABOUT the argument obviously triggered her. This is not ANYTHING that you should feel guilty about -- you would have no idea what could have done this for her.
> ...


Thank you so much. I will try meetup.com


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

DeanG said:


> My wife left our house after a fight & got herself admitted to a mental hospital (she suffers from PTSD and it is not her first time being in a mental hospital. However, It is the first time since we got married 3 years ago) . The fight was my fault. I kept arguing with her like a child and she got fed up with my arguments. She packed 5-days worth of her clothes while I was trying to stop her from leaving, she said she needed a break and that she does not want to be married to me anymore among other very hurtful things. I asked her where are you going? and she said her friend's house. Two hours after she left, I went to bed and then I received a message from her saying that she is being admitted to a mental hospital and she will not have her phone with her past this point. I am very devastated, sad and guilty. I called the hospital but they refused to give me any info or connect me with her. They said it is patient driven and if she wants to see me or talk to me she will reach out. I have no one to vent to (no friends or family) besides her and I don't know what to do. I miss her so much


Did you mention to the hospital that it was your fault? Because that might be helpful so they know what triggered her.


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## DeanG (Feb 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Did you mention to the hospital that it was your fault? Because that might be helpful so they know what triggered her.


Thank you! I did not mention that. I will try to call again later today and hopefully I will get a more cooperative nurse on the phone and I will try to explain to her/him what happened.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

DeanG said:


> Thank you! I did not mention that. I will try to call again later today and hopefully I will get a more cooperative nurse on the phone and I will try to explain to her/him what happened.


They cannot tell you any information, but MAYBE they will let you tell them.


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## DeanG (Feb 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> They cannot tell you any information, but MAYBE they will let you tell them.


I understand. I hope they will let me tell them.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

According to your previous postings, this has been going on for a while. There must be a doctor prescribing her meds, and he might be willing to help as he knows her background.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

DeanG said:


> My wife left our house after a fight & got herself admitted to a mental hospital (she suffers from PTSD and it is not her first time being in a mental hospital. However, It is the first time since we got married 3 years ago) . The fight was my fault. I kept arguing with her like a child and she got fed up with my arguments. She packed 5-days worth of her clothes while I was trying to stop her from leaving, she said she needed a break and that she does not want to be married to me anymore among other very hurtful things. I asked her where are you going? and she said her friend's house. Two hours after she left, I went to bed and then I received a message from her saying that she is being admitted to a mental hospital and she will not have her phone with her past this point. I am very devastated, sad and guilty. I called the hospital but they refused to give me any info or connect me with her. They said it is patient driven and if she wants to see me or talk to me she will reach out. I have no one to vent to (no friends or family) besides her and I don't know what to do. I miss her so much


I am trying to figure out why you are blaming yourself. Yes, maybe she got fed up with your comments. But if you got fed up with hers, would you end up in a menatl hospital ?

There has to be underlying issues with her and has she ever communicated those with you ?

Either there is information missing here or there are parts of her past that you don't know.

You need to figure out the history here and maybe go talk to a counselor if you need to but taking the full blame on this one sounds extreme.

Protect yourself in the meantime


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Good for her for choosing to get help. The idea that you are making her medical condition about you is troubling. The doctors aren't going to tell you anything. Don't bother them. If she had a doctor who was treating her as an out patient, that person may be more inclined to listen to you. Perhaps offer a message that you love her. You may also want to call her family & ask them to deliver the same message. 

When she gets straightened out it may be time for MC. You clearly need lessons on how to prevent yourself from triggering her.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DeanG said:


> Thank you! I did not mention that. I will try to call again later today and hopefully I will get a more cooperative nurse on the phone and I will try to explain to her/him what happened.


If you have to argue with staff to get to talk to her or find out how she is, or any info as her H, why is that? Does she have a primary care physician to make sure is looped in.

It would be hard to fathom if you're not on her medical record as H and able to advocate for her, know her medical and mental condition.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If you have to argue with staff to get to talk to her or find out how she is, or any info as her H, why is that? Does she have a primary care physician to make sure is looped in.
> 
> It would be hard to fathom if you're not on her medical record as H and able to advocate for her, know her medical and mental condition.


She probably revoked his status. If she believes he caused or contributed to her break down, why on earth would she allow him access to her private medical records? She most likely fears they will be weaponized against her in a divorce. He's her husband not her keeper. He doesn't get to know anything she doesn't want him to know.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

D0nnivain said:


> She probably revoked his status. If she believes he caused or contributed to her break down, why on earth would she allow him access to her private medical records? She most likely fears they will be weaponized against her in a divorce. He's her husband not her keeper. He doesn't get to know anything she doesn't want him to know.


And that clarifies the whole thing then. If she states he's not her partner in life, and believes he doesn't have the right to be there for her in medical emergencies she's decided she's no longer his W.

Time for OP to cut his losses. Go ahead and file. If he's not her partner by her choice then she shouldn't be surprised when she has to live with the results of her choices. Game over. Thanks for playing.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

@Ragnar Ragnasson -- Are you kidding? While in a vulnerable upset state a grown adult chooses to keep her medical condition private from somebody she believes harmed her & your answer is divorce rather than compassion? Yikes. 

@DeanG -- be a more understanding. Get some MC & work with the woman you love to build a safe space for you both.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Arguments are very common in relationships. You can't be forever walking on eggshells in case she can't cope with disagreements and difficulties. I can't see why this is your fault.
Why had she got PTSD?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If you have to argue with staff to get to talk to her or find out how she is, or any info as her H, why is that? Does she have a primary care physician to make sure is looped in.
> 
> It would be hard to fathom if you're not on her medical record as H and able to advocate for her, know her medical and mental condition.


He probably is her emergency contact and/or an authorized contact, but at any point of a psych stay the patient can revoke that. I wouldn't go so far as saying the marriage is over and she removed him as husband. To be admitted for a psych stay a patient has to be in a _really _bad place mentally. Now is not the time to judge her decision making skills. 

My wife has had many psych stays. Sometimes I'm allowed to have information, sometimes I only hear it from her, and sometimes I'm totally shut out. The doctors or nurses can also decide to revoke the "right" to info and contact if they believe it's in the best interest of the patient. When my wife has cut me off (for like a month) it was because she felt like a burden and her logic was all messed up. 

Also, sometimes on admission the nurses will ask if the spouse can be contacted. That's an easy time for an upset, unstable person to say no.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

D0nnivain said:


> @Ragnar Ragnasson -- Are you kidding? While in a vulnerable upset state a grown adult chooses to keep her medical condition private from somebody she believes harmed her & your answer is divorce rather than compassion? Yikes.
> 
> @DeanG -- be a more understanding. Get some MC & work with the woman you love to build a safe space for you both.


So you're saying the M is crashed enough for the W to have consciously removed H from approved info status and him to be able to advocate for her in a medical emergency yet there's still hope? Get real.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Yes. She is in crisis & can't depend on him right now. That doesn't mean when the crisis passes, they can't work it out to prevent this from happening again. 

I love my husband but he's probably not the best person to make decision about my mental health.


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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> Look, YOU didn't put her in there. She obviously had PTSD from something before you even got together. I DO give her credit enough that she recognized she needed help and went to the hospital. They will help her get through all of this.
> I don't know what her PTSD was caused by, but there is a therapy called EMDR that is designed to help PTSD -- she may want to look into that once her stay at the H is done.
> 
> Look, something you may have said, or something ABOUT the argument obviously triggered her. This is not ANYTHING that you should feel guilty about -- you would have no idea what could have done this for her.
> ...


Thank you for mentioning meetup, I just found some interesting event in my local area.


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