# Lost and Confused Newly Wed



## nursebetty (Jan 24, 2010)

Hi, my name is Anna and i am having an issue. A RATHER LARGE ISSUE. 
Joe and i met when i was 18 years old, and we have a history with each other. We met on facebook and fell inlove at first phone call. After dating Joe for a month and meeting his parents i knew he was the one i wanted to marry. On valentines day that year though, Joe attempted suicide, and we were forced to fix his issues and put our love on hold. 
My husband Joe and i were married thanks giving weekend of 2009 after dating for nearly two years, during that time we have moved and are living with my mother since he lost his job. I am the only income that we have at this time and i am always short on my ability to pay all of the bills regardless of how many over time hours i work. Joe was laid off and has been since the week after are wedding. 
Since Joe was laid off, things have not been right between us. He no longer looks at me as if i am the only one, he makes alot of jokes about my weight, and he is never home when i am . Joe has an addiciton, DIRT TRACK RACING. This addiction means that i am at home by myself all weekend, the only time that i have off work, ( i work 80 hrs a week to try to pay all of our bills, i only make 7.50 an hour) Joe says its what he wants to do, he wants to race.
Over the last couple of weeks he has started to stop at a gas station that his ex girlfriend works at, he come home smelling like ciggarettes, and is comming home later and later. I have commented on this, he just tells me i am being ridiculous, and that he just talks to her. ( What could he have to talk about? Its not like i wouldnt like to talk to him, that i wouldnt like to see him! Hell im not even sure he came home last night.)
Up untill recently i thought that Joe was my prince charming, but now its every night at the shop to work on his car, no help around the house, spending money that we dont have on gas to get too and from, and not even telling me that he loves me. 
Im not sure but i think he might be cheating on me. 

I have put him first for so long that i gave up school, had a misscarriage and work my ass off to try and be a good wife and provider, im just not sure what i should do now. 

Does anyone have any idea what could have caused this, or even how to fix this? I appreciate anything that you can help me with thank you


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I think what could have caused this is that you have "wounded birds syndrome." it was pretty obvious from the very beginning that your H has some serious mental health issues. But you loved him and wanted to help him. That is how you go to the point you're at now. 

He is obviously at fault for how he's acting. He's being ridiculous. But he's learned that he can act this way. He can be addicted to his hobby because you pay the bills. 

How about you separate your bank accounts and start doing what makes you happy. Let him see where is life is. let him be accountable for himself. He will throw a fit. He might leave. Or he might get a wake up call and realize he's being a jerk. But you cant base your actions off of trying to coddle him. You have to do what makes you happy and let the rest take care of itself.


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## nikon (Nov 9, 2009)

Guys are such boys sometimes. Them and their cars! Left my b/f of 2 years because he loved his car more than me. Than met a guy who convinced me has no passion for cars, we date for 3 years, we get married... and now I live with someone who watches every automotive show on earth, spends more time in a garage than with me and to be honest... it's been such a turn-off for me! I didn't want this and I was very honest with him in the beginning explaining I can't be with someone so car-oriented after all I've been through with my ex. Deception!

Back to your problem... I don't believe in love at first sight - it's lust or something like it and it fades with time... Because you can't really love what you don't even know. And when your imaginary picture of that person is replaced by the real person - the lust fades and we find ourselves married to a stranger. Sometimes people change, especially young people. My husband will be 30 next month and he is way more immature than I am. This bothers me. He tried too long to please me, be the man I wanted... And I was too blind to see it was all fake pretense! I feel very betrayed because I married him based on common sense - that he is a nice guy etc. I just hate it when people change - or when they stop pretending to be someone they are not. We are in this together girl! All I can say is... talk honestly about HIS responsibilities, marriage should be about sharing... and if he keeps going like this - put an end to it.


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