# New to Site, Need Marriage Advice!



## PMarieMi (Apr 12, 2013)

Hello,
First off I am new to this whole forum thing. I hope I am doing this right. Sorry I am writing a lot I just need to get this out somewhere. I am 23 years old been married for almost 4 years. I was 19 when I got married. I was young and my boyfriend was in the military so we got married before he deployed. The first two years was really hard but we go through it and we were happy. But now we just got our first house and everything is going down hill. I don't know if I am just not happy anymore. First off a lot of the problems start with his drinking and drugs. I am 23 and I don't drink do drugs or smoke cigarettes. I have minor health issues so I just chose to stop drinking. I just have no desire anymore. All my friends and including my husband drink all the time and I feel like I am the outsider cause I cut that out of my life. Also he smokes cigarettes, I know that is not a bad thing but I get migraines when I am around it and he just doesn't get it and smokes in the house. Is it cause were young and don't want to make compromises? We fight all the time now and I know I cause some of fights but I am just not as happy as I once was. We have a lot of issues and I don't know if we can fix them. We separated once before and we promised that things would change but everything is the same. I don't know if I can be happy anymore. We don't have anything in common so we are always doing our own thing so we don't really spend time together. Am I a bad person for considering a divorce? :scratchhead:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Would you say you are a very different person today, other than drinking and partying, than you were at 19? You're 23 now, so when you're 30, you're going to be different than you are today, right?

We change, we learn, we grow, we evolve. When we are married, it gets tricky because we can't always orchestrate those changes, lessons learned, evolution to happen to both spouses at the same time. Life is a long process of learning and evolving.

So, you are different now but your H has remained in the same behavior patterns from a few years ago. First, you never have to apologize or make excuses for NOT partying or smoking. You choose not to, that's all there is to it. But that lifestyle hurts you, makes you physically sick. Second, your H would show respect for your health by not smoking in the house. You would show respect for him by finding ways you two can grow together, taking up new past times together. Right now, he may see it as you pulling away from him, and that hurts. Try to bring him along with you.

You'll go through a lot more changes over the next 70 years, so learning how to cope with change is pretty important don't you think?


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## PMarieMi (Apr 12, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Would you say you are a very different person today, other than drinking and partying, than you were at 19? You're 23 now, so when you're 30, you're going to be different than you are today, right?
> 
> We change, we learn, we grow, we evolve. When we are married, it gets tricky because we can't always orchestrate those changes, lessons learned, evolution to happen to both spouses at the same time. Life is a long process of learning and evolving.
> 
> ...


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