# Detached Father & Husband



## hopeless13

I need some wise advice. We've been married 18 years have a 11 & 13 yr old boy & girl. Stable & financially fit household. The problem is my husband is checked out. It's been an issue for YEARS. I've complained and asked him to get help numerous times. It's to the point the kids don't like him. They have NO connection. They want to like him but he's off in another world. Our relationship is horrible. He says about 4 sentences to me a day. I try & make conversation and he doesn't even look at me.
Yes, I have told him flat out the kids don't like him & why.

I'm attractive, smart, fun, interesting. At 41 years old I feel like I'm living the life of a 90 year old. He's not into sex. BTW, he's had his testosterone checked & it's fine. I've asked him if he's gay. He's just not into sex (even before me). When we've had sex - the few times we have. I think he fakes his organism to get it over with. I feel like I'm being punished by God.

The only reason I haven't left is the kids. I'm 100% Mom to them and if I had to go back to work full time they wouldn't cope well. Divorce is so hard on kids.

What in the world can I do?


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## Jamison

What do you feel you are gaining by staying? And what do you feel you might be losing if you leave?


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## Pandakiss

i am sorry you are going through this hurt. my husband and i have both admited to "checking out" in the past. we each had our different reasons.

the one common thing was life was not the same and home life was turbulent, and job was unreliable. we had more kids and less money. it wasnt bad, but it was....i dont really know..

what made the difference was we talked about divorce, decided not to, made the decision to want to work to out. for the both of us, maybe we were a little bored with our life....

we found a hobby and included our friend in our lives and our misadventures, and made personal changes.

if you and you husband arent on the same page in marriage, then you really need to talk. you didnt say the two for you were agrueing or not, but im thinking not, we didnt either. that was part of the prob, we had no passion.

sit him down and tell how serious thisis to you, and you will not continue to live this way. the both of you have to want to make it work. not just for the kids, but because you dont want to lose your best friend. 

he needs to wake up. wake him up. and are you prepared to continue to live this way for the rest of your life or poss, make a new life for you and your kids?? if he dosent change what are your conditions?? what are you willing to change?? are you willing to make changes with your self if he does??

this is no way to live...its your life. make a change, take steps to make right what you feel is wrong in it.....

i am hopeing it all goes well for you and him....


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## turnera

Get the book His Needs Her Needs. Read it. Look for the LB and EN questionnaires at marriagebuilders.com and fill them out. Ask him to; if he won't try to fill it out for him. Learn how you LB him and what his top ENs are; stop all LBs and make sure you're meeting all his ENs. If that changes nothing, snoop to see if he's got a long-running affair on the side.


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