# I feel trapped



## Moveonlikemya (Jan 19, 2021)

I have been married for 5 years we have one special needs kid and I’m 33 years old. Before we were married we did not live together. Once we married and moved in I quickly learned my husband is a pathological liar. I’m at the point where emotionally I’m done with the marriage but I can’t seem to get rid of him. Plus because of my age I want more kids and I’m afraid that starting over I’ll never have another baby. 
Background. Over the years he has lied about everything from having a drivers license, to graduating from college. I’ve lost everything because of him. He is bad with money. So all though he works all day and can never help with our son he never has any money to show for it and just says he smokes n eat a lot. Without a license he can’t drive so I’m driving my son around to places going to work and school and paying bills. Struggling with a “man by my side” We have been evicted and lost everything we’ve own because of him. (He lied about moving our stuff into storage, I had a hard pregnancy and couldn’t work my very psychical job and since I was the only one paying bills we were soon kicked out). I work and make decent money so slowly but surely I am making the moves to get our lives back in order and he just sits back and watches. He is filled with empty promises about how he will do better yet never does. (He will do things like open a savings account, show me the recent then close the account and spend the money) the lying and manipulation is ridiculous. And he has a horrible temper so if you ask him any little thing he will blow up. We have been living with my parents. All three of us in a room and he seems so comfortable and like he will never leave. I can’t even respect him. I’ve asked for a divorce and put him out. He moved back in with his parents. I honestly loved it when he was away and was really happy. Although he never gave them a penny he still doesn’t have a penny to his name. Eventually his parents were moving into a retirement home and he couldn’t go with them. So they called me to let him move back because no one wants him to live in the street. So now he (and my depression are back.) And he just wants to come back like nothing happen and go back to the same toxic cycle and has been complaining about me not sleeping with him even though looking at him makes me sick to my stomach. I just feel like he will never leave. And I don’t know what to do.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Moveonlikemya said:


> I have been married for 5 years we have one special needs kid and I’m 33 years old. Before we were married we did not live together. Once we married and moved in I quickly learned my husband is a pathological liar. I’m at the point where emotionally I’m done with the marriage but I can’t seem to get rid of him. Plus because of my age I want more kids and I’m afraid that starting over I’ll never have another baby.
> Background. Over the years he has lied about everything from having a drivers license, to graduating from college. I’ve lost everything because of him. He is bad with money. So all though he works all day and can never help with our son he never has any money to show for it and just says he smokes n eat a lot. Without a license he can’t drive so I’m driving my son around to places going to work and school and paying bills. Struggling with a “man by my side” We have been evicted and lost everything we’ve own because of him. (He lied about moving our stuff into storage, I had a hard pregnancy and couldn’t work my very psychical job and since I was the only one paying bills we were soon kicked out). I work and make decent money so slowly but surely I am making the moves to get our lives back in order and he just sits back and watches. He is filled with empty promises about how he will do better yet never does. (He will do things like open a savings account, show me the recent then close the account and spend the money) the lying and manipulation is ridiculous. And he has a horrible temper so if you ask him any little thing he will blow up. We have been living with my parents. All three of us in a room and he seems so comfortable and like he will never leave. I can’t even respect him. I’ve asked for a divorce and put him out. He moved back in with his parents. I honestly loved it when he was away and was really happy. Although he never gave them a penny he still doesn’t have a penny to his name. Eventually his parents were moving into a retirement home and he couldn’t go with them. So they called me to let him move back because no one wants him to live in the street. So now he (and my depression are back.) And he just wants to come back like nothing happen and go back to the same toxic cycle and has been complaining about me not sleeping with him even though looking at him makes me sick to my stomach. I just feel like he will never leave. And I don’t know what to do.


I'm sorry you have to find yourself here. 
What a shame to have to discover he is a liar after marriage. You never suspected anything before? 
You should divorce. That's not a good situation to be in. You'll never have a normal life. I wouldn't have another kid with him, nor should the concern about not having other kids stop you from moving on. You should count your blessings and appreciate that you have a child. And who knows, you may meet someone wonderful in the future. You still have a lot of time to have kids. 

Is there no other family he can stay with? I would see a lawyer asap and see what your options are in regard to getting him out of the home.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It sounds like a toxic marriage and you need to tell him to leave. As its your parents house why cant they tell him to go? Did you not see any red flags before you married?


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## Moveonlikemya (Jan 19, 2021)

GC1234 said:


> I'm sorry you have to find yourself here.
> What a shame to have to discover he is a liar after marriage. You never suspected anything before?
> You should divorce. That's not a good situation to be in. You'll never have a normal life. I wouldn't have another kid with him, nor should the concern about not having other kids stop you from moving on. You should count your blessings and appreciate that you have a child. And who knows, you may meet someone wonderful in the future. You still have a lot of time to have kids.
> 
> Is there no other family he can stay with? I would see a lawyer asap and see what your options are in regard to getting him out of the home.


He is very manipulative so I never caught in to the big lies. I’ll say a few times through the wedding planning I caught some small lies but at the time didn’t think much of it. 
Now if I even so much as question anything he says or say anything to him, he will throw a fit punch the walls, he’s hit me before, he will cry n says he wants to kill himself or that he is depressed because I always pressure him for money so that’s why he smokes all his money up. Then he plays the mind games where he will tell me things like his parents don’t like me. they will have events (like dinners) and he will say I’m not invited or that they refuse to babysit my son. Then tell them I hate them and refused to go to the events (he has never told me about) or that I don’t want them to watch my son. Basically to keep us at odds to not catch on to lies. Like he will tell me he had to give them all his money that’s why he can’t help at home then will tell them he pays all the bills for me and that’s why he can’t get a place or a car. Then makes us mad at each other so we cant catch on. 
he doesn’t have anyone else to live with and at this rate will never have enough money to move out. And doesn’t seem like he wants to. He is acting like he came back home because I wanted him back. I’ve told his parens him hitting me was the final straw and they basically said it was once, and marriage is better or worse or having him around is better for my son or that a new man can abuse him since he is non verbal and special needs. So basically I’m just stuck


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## Moveonlikemya (Jan 19, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> It sounds like a toxic marriage and you need to tell him to leave. As its your parents house why cant they tell him to go? Did you not see any red flags before you married?


I never caught on to the lies. Until we moved in and there wasn’t a way for him to hide or pretend anymore. Everyone is “religious” so basically saying I have to stay married for better or for worse. But my father was abusive to my mom growing up although he did provide. So I guess they are ok with the cycle continuing


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Moveonlikemya said:


> I never caught on to the lies. Until we moved in and there wasn’t a way for him to hide or pretend anymore. Everyone is “religious” so basically saying I have to stay married for better or for worse. But my father was abusive to my mom growing up although he did provide. So I guess they are ok with the cycle continuing


I am a Christian but staying with a clearly violent liar isnt safe for you or the child. If your parents wont help then contact a battered womans refuge, and its NOT your problem where he will go, he is a dangerous man. It sounds as if you would also be better off away from your parents if your dad is an abuser and they think its ok to be abused. Its NOT ok.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Moveonlikemya said:


> I never caught on to the lies. Until we moved in and there wasn’t a way for him to hide or pretend anymore. Everyone is “religious” so basically saying I have to stay married for better or for worse. But my father was abusive to my mom growing up although he did provide. So I guess they are ok with the cycle continuing


You have the power to break this cycle though. Recognizing it like you have is the first step, and you've already done that. The next step is making an exit plan away from this person who keeps you more or less imprisoned in the life he is obviously comfortable destroying for both of you.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Moveonlikemya said:


> He is very manipulative so I never caught in to the big lies. I’ll say a few times through the wedding planning I caught some small lies but at the time didn’t think much of it.
> Now if I even so much as question anything he says or say anything to him, he will throw a fit punch the walls, he’s hit me before, he will cry n says he wants to kill himself or that he is depressed because I always pressure him for money so that’s why he smokes all his money up. Then he plays the mind games where he will tell me things like his parents don’t like me. they will have events (like dinners) and he will say I’m not invited or that they refuse to babysit my son. Then tell them I hate them and refused to go to the events (he has never told me about) or that I don’t want them to watch my son. Basically to keep us at odds to not catch on to lies. Like he will tell me he had to give them all his money that’s why he can’t help at home then will tell them he pays all the bills for me and that’s why he can’t get a place or a car. Then makes us mad at each other so we cant catch on.
> he doesn’t have anyone else to live with and at this rate will never have enough money to move out. And doesn’t seem like he wants to. He is acting like he came back home because I wanted him back. I’ve told his parens him hitting me was the final straw and they basically said it was once, and marriage is better or worse or having him around is better for my son or that a new man can abuse him since he is non verbal and special needs. So basically I’m just stuck


Sounds like he is triangulating the family. Pitting each other against one another. Sounds like he has a personality disorder. I understand coming from a family that doesn't believe in divorce. My father was a drug addict and the best thing for me was when my parents divorced. (Eventually they got back together)... but my point is, try not to worry about what others are saying. Do what YOU think is best, they'll all come around eventually.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Moveonlikemya said:


> I’ve told his parents him hitting me was the final straw and they basically said it was once, and marriage is better or worse or having him around is better for my son or that a new man can abuse him since he is non verbal and special needs. So basically I’m just stuck


Do they realize that what they are saying is that you and your son need to stick with THIS guy who can abuse you both? What makes them think HE won't hurt or abuse your son? He's shown his a liar, untrustworthy and not someone ANYONE would want around. Consider moving out if you can - where do you live? A lot of areas have public assistance available to kids with special needs. You don't have to stay in an abusive situation. Is your son in a school? See the social worker there. Ask for help. It is their job to provide assitance to families encountering difficulties and you are encountering a motherload of difficulties. Explain your situation to them and ask what you can do to get you and your son out of there asap.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

File for divorce first, and start an account in your name only. Set aside parts of your income for you and your son's move if you can. See a lawyer. Get your ducks in a row. It's not going to get better financially if you stick around.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

You needed a divorce yesterday


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