# Fighting =/= Feminine?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

NOTE: Women welcome to post, but male opinions more valuable to me at this time.

I have to ask this, and it's based on my own very limited observations throughout my life... but why do a fair number of men consider a woman who can kick ass - unattractive? Hell the whole "lady" thing I don't get in many cultures. Actually just remembered recently amongst my mates as we were bantering about women my mate mentioned he prefers "feminine" women. I dunno, I always found it hot, not to mention the conditioning helps when it comes to sex as I can be rough without fear of injuring her. 

Also like what the hell is the alternative? "OMG my nail" and then you would have to babysit her and comfort her for her OWN perceived "loss of beauty" - like really? I can't stand those types!
So ok, maybe it's just a preference thing. But... help me understand the other perspective please, I always found this curious.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think you will find a wide range of opinions. (there are billions of men...)

I find self reliant capable women to be attractive. I have a "protection instinct" and I hate it. I don't want to have to protect someone. I want to feel like I'm spending time with someone because we both enjoy it, not because they would be in trouble without me.

Many of the activities I enjoy are fairly energetic, so I appreciate women who are at least reasonably rugged. I want to feel like getting caught in a sudden storm when we our out is not a disaster, but something to laugh about when we run back to shelter.

I think a woman who is able to "kick ass" to be absolutely fine - but I'm not a fan of anyone who *wants* to kick ass or who is looking for an opportunity to do so. So if it comes up in conversation (eg, what hobbies do you have) that a woman is a black belt, that's great. If it is one of the first things I'm told (as happened recently) and it isn't her main hobby, it feels a bit more of a "don't try anything, I can kick your ass" sort of comment. (the same would apply to men btw).

I just walked a female friend back to her hotel after dinner. I did it to be polite, not because she needed me to. I suspect she could kick my ass, but the topic has never come up.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Agreed, for me the "protection instinct" is a serious burden that I can't be fked carrying out throughout my life for my loved ones. Besides with strong emotions I lack restraint with my temper.

Still, I just don't get it, but hey thankfully there are men out there unlike us, cause the non-rugged women need love too! 

I just don't understand the preference... meh, perhaps I will never


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## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

I like both, if a women can be both feminine when appropriate and tough when appropriate it is the hottest. Don't care much for women with the 'princess' complex, it's like having a child not a partner in those cases....on the flip side I I'm not looking for someone who grizzled either....I like women who can physically kick ass to a point, it's unattractive when they take it so far as to compete with me on how tough they are...that's what guy friends are for lol....mental toughness however is super sexy....


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hmmm, well you guys do make sense. They are balanced perspectives. I remain curious about the other end of the spectrum however. They are good men, gentlemen, yet, are turned off by tougher girls. I respect it, just struggle with understanding it, and I'm very curious!


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Also like what the hell is the alternative? "OMG my nail" and then you would have to babysit her and comfort her for her OWN perceived "loss of beauty" - like really? I can't stand those types!


There is a difference between "feminine" and "girly". What you are describing is the latter. Beauty is one aspect of femininity, but not as an obsession with petty minor things. There is also a social/emotional aspect of it, a feminine woman is nurturing, supportive, polite, and, dare i say it, demure.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Maybe you can clarify what you mean by kick-ass or what qualities cover this? Or are you talking physically such as Ronda Rousey?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

One of my kids ran a juvenile justice court program for the sheriff's department. He stated that girls fighting girls is about 60% of the intake.


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

It's about polarity, or as the old saying goes, opposites attract. I prefer feminine women but I am probably someone you would consider to be a masculine man. That's just the way I am constructed. And that's likely the kind of woman that is attracted to me. Nothing wrong with anyone who is attracted to other types. I am just trying to answer your question.
David Deida, makes much of this point. In fact he says if you want to draw the feminine out in a woman, you need to accentuate your masculinity. And he says this is a very good thing for both men and women in a relationship. Maybe that is what I have always done, but just as likely I grew up in a time and place where that was expected of me. Regardless, I am comfortable in my own skin and with the results of it. I am just drawn to their femininity. Doesn't mean they are not smart, capable or wise. Think of the female movie stars of the Golden Age of Hollywood. The Lauren Bacall's, Lana Turner's etc. That's what does it for me. So count me in as a "Ladies Man". Pun intended.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I would also be in the category that prefer more lady like than tough like behavior. I have dated and been in long term relationships with both. I prefer the dress, makeup wearing, jewelry wearing ladies to the more tomboy behavior sort. For me I guess it's about opposites making a whole, yin and yang effect.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Being able to kick ass is tomboyish? I appreciate many feminine aspects too but I dunno, just never saw a female fighter as non-feminine, probably because of my environment during my teens and having a psycho lady for my first gf at 16... *shrug*


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Like most things give me middle of the road. Dont want some ultra prissy high maintenance woman. Also dont want some ultra tough yoked up woman.

Think as others have said for many its the yin to their yang. But everyone likes varying degrees of femininity or masculinity. Be boring if everyone wanted the same.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I think like several others here a middle ground is appealing. Just because as a female you don't kick ass doesn't mean that you are some sort of high maintenance / I broke my nail gal. 

I personally find nothing appealing about women fighting. However, there are plenty of women out there who are plenty feminine but don't require tons of makeup / jewelry (both of which I am not a huge fan of).


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

i agree with the opinions here.

i like all types of women, feminine, girly, 'dainty' and athletic. i hung around in my youth with athletic women. I am not threatened by 
physically strong women. it's kind of sexy actually. up to a point like you say.

i had a girlfriend once who was bigger than me and knew Tae Kwon do (although the idea with tae kwon do is size doesn't matter). 
she showed me she could take me down on the living room floor. that was kind of sexy.

it's also interesting that ronda rousy has tons of male fans who think she's able to kick @ss and sexy too.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

"the times they are a changin" robert zimmerman


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

I'm still a little unsure of what constitutes a "tough" woman. Is a woman who knows how to protect herself or fight a "tough" or "rough" woman? I wouldn't necessarily say that's the case.

I have definitely dated some girls who weren't as feminine but they weren't exactly "biker" chicks either. So I'm a bit unclear on the question.

I will say that my preference is a more feminine woman. I like them sexy with the ability to be elegant and graceful as well. That's the way my wife is. She's not a girly-girl at all though. She likes to work out and exercise to stay in shape but she's hardly one to ever get in a skirmish or throw a punch. That's usually what she has to stop me from doing.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

I confess I've never really understood the masculinity and femininity divide. I think we've harmed women a great deal by forcing them into these mindsets where they have to have perfect hair, skin, nails, thinness or they're considered low value, have to wear disabling high heels, be helpless in a crisis, etc. I think we've harmed men a great deal by forcing them into these mindsets where they have to be confident, rugged, athletic, rich or they're considered low value, have to be capable of everything, take charge in a crisis, etc.

Women are held back from reaching their full potential for fear that no one will like them. Men are forced to reach for full potential they may not be capable of for fear of failure. Both are dangerously pigeonholed.

Why can't both sexes feel free to be who they are, be encouraged to reach full potential in whatever field they want, be considered attractive without artificiality, be fit and healthy as their body naturally inclines to, not forced into a predetermined mold.

We've turned masculinity into testosterone fueled selfish ambition and femininity into accommodating nurturing delicacy. Therefore, women who pursue 'masculine' activities such as MMA, or men who pursue 'feminine' activities such as caregiving are considered unattractive by that mob mentality.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

There are many types of men and women in the world, there are even some kick ass women who have their nails done, and there are some softer more feminine women who don't. That said most people have a soft side - both men and women. And both can be tough when needed or they want to be. 


No point stereotyping people really.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

There is an electric heat that pulses through me when observing strong, tough, fighter type women.

Temptation might overwhelm me if I were to find myself stranded with Ronda Rousey.

Two of my favorite actresses are Sigourney Weaver and Michelle Rodriguez.

They both convincingly portray kick ass women.

I'm also attracted to generally powerful or "alpha" type women.

All women hold attraction for me but the aforementioned ones spark a deep flame.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

The only really tough gals I've ever been around have all been country/farm girls. They were not fighting types, but very strong, capable, and unafraid. Not big talkers.

I've also been around a few tough talkers, that likely could have not backed up their talk.

The UFC girls are a new development to me, obviously for real, though. Lots better than the movie tough girls that kick dozens of men around with acrobatic moves in high heeled boots.

None are my favored type, but I do respect those farm girls.


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

2 reasons. My mother was an emotional and physically abusive woman who left a pile of bodies in her wake. Second, what she did to me destroyed my self esteem. Gentle, approachable, and warm women are my catnip - and perhaps nemesis. I run for the hills when I see a domineering woman come my way.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I have found my husband acting a bit strangely when I have had to redouble my assertiveness to get something done -- like unwinding problems with customer service and so on.

I would have thought that a man would like seeing his partner not take things lying down. Like ensuring that that refund you were promised actually gets paid out; like complaining when your doctor's appointment mysteriously gets canceled and so on.

When being nice with the frontline staff does not get what you want, I have learned that you have to escalate. sometimes it stresses me out. So I think sometimes I say things to him unedited...... but c'mon, wasn't that supposed to be one of the benefits of marriage.

But since you guys claim to like strong / tough women, perhaps you could helpto understand what might be going on.


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> I have found my husband acting a bit strangely when I have had to redouble my assertiveness to get something done -- like unwinding problems with customer service and so on.
> 
> I would have thought that a man would like seeing his partner not take things lying down. Like ensuring that that refund you were promised actually gets paid out; like complaining when your doctor's appointment mysteriously gets canceled and so on.
> 
> ...


I never said I liked strong, tough women, but whatever.

He doesn't want conflict, he doesn't want to make a big deal about it. You _are _making a big deal about it and causing a conflict so he is torn between two things that both stress him out (he doesn't want conflict with whoever has "wronged" you but he also feels the obligation to to back you up).


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Joey2k said:


> I never said I liked strong, tough women, but whatever.
> 
> He doesn't want conflict, he doesn't want to make a big deal about it. You _are _making a big deal about it and causing a conflict so he is torn between two things that both stress him out (conflict with whoever has "wronged" you versus not backing you up).


Great, but if that refund or the collective refunds over the year make a difference in the household budget, wouldn't you be happy that your wife cared enough to go after it?


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> Great, but if that refund or the collective refunds over the year make a difference in the household budget, wouldn't you be happy that your wife cared enough to go after it?


Yeah, he needs to stand up for important things like that. As long as you're not getting in someone's face because they cut in front of you in line or took your parking space.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Forest said:


> The UFC girls are a new development to me, obviously for real, though. Lots better than the movie tough girls that kick dozens of men around with acrobatic moves in high heeled boots.


Why choose between them? Gina Carano ftw.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

I LOVE Ronda Rowsey....She is an attractive woman for sure, but her SKILLS are just outstanding...I really admire her, and put her in the same league as Muhamed Ali or Mike Tyson...


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I like Rousey, and respect her skills, but I'm wondering why she seems to have been ducking Cyborg for so long.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> I like Rousey, and respect her skills, but I'm wondering why she seems to have been ducking Cyborg for so long.


Probably not enough money....I would love to see her fight Mayweather at 147 lbs...He likes hitting women...She would tear off his arm and beat him to death with it....


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> I have found my husband acting a bit strangely when I have had to redouble my assertiveness to get something done -- like unwinding problems with customer service and so on.
> 
> I would have thought that a man would like seeing his partner not take things lying down. Like ensuring that that refund you were promised actually gets paid out; like complaining when your doctor's appointment mysteriously gets canceled and so on.
> 
> ...


My wife is feminine, not masculine, but I'm happy when she stands up to bad customer service or the like. That's just part of life, and you don't have to be physically aggressive to get better treatment than the default "whatever" that is so common these days.


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## Abustress (Sep 25, 2015)

How many guys here would be willing to fight Ronda Rousey? 

Better yet, for $50 would you be willing to let her punch you in the face as hard as she can?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

With women I never strike, even when fighting women I only grapple and hold in submission. Male instincts too protective, don't like hurting women.
Still, if it was a matter of life and death, once the adrenaline kicks in, different instincts takes over so meh

Rather not go up against her however, prefer fighting men.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> NOTE: Women welcome to post, but male opinions more valuable to me at this time.
> 
> I have to ask this, and it's based on my own very limited observations throughout my life... but why do a fair number of men consider a woman who can kick ass - unattractive? Hell the whole "lady" thing I don't get in many cultures. Actually just remembered recently amongst my mates as we were bantering about women my mate mentioned he prefers "feminine" women. I dunno, I always found it hot, not to mention the conditioning helps when it comes to sex as I can be rough without fear of injuring her.
> 
> ...



I love women who can take care of themselves and deal with other women.:grin2:

I love the slight muscularity and aggressiveness.

I just don't like the princess "I broke a nail" and "look at my hair", etc. type of ladies.

I like women who are fit, work out, can handle other women but still looks like a sexy woman, perfection.


Would I rather have a princess model of a woman or a woman from UFC?

UFC!!!!

Those female fighters can handle other women, are not a princess and probably have high adventurous sex drives due to the weights and cardio training.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Abustress said:


> How many guys here would be willing to fight Ronda Rousey?



I think the answer to that question is probably, "No one." 

Which would be more shameful for a man? To win a fight with a woman who weighs all of 135 lbs or to lose it?


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