# Six months later



## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

It's been close to 6 months since I've confirmed my suspicions of my husbands casual sex encounter. Together for 13 years, I have evidence of cheating going back to 2005 so the last 8 years.

This is eating me up. I wake up to it. I spend all day thinking about it. I'm in limbo and want to go and want to stay. Im only sleeping 5 hours a night, I've gained 10 pounds in 2 months. I ask myself questions and then answer them. I know he has not told me the while truth ( I have evidence that he hasn't told me about when he swears he told me everything). So here's my question and he's not going to answer this honestly.

Why? Why did he have to do this a loving wife who was nothing but supportive and loving. Why am I in turmoil and he seems fine. Why do I feel that I will destroy my family when I want to separate because of his actions. Then he says things like - don't buy me a present, all I want for Christmas is my family. He makes me feel like crap for thinking of leaving him like it's my fault.

Why, why, why !!!!!!!! Is his **** so ****ing precious that he wants to destroy my life???? Is that why ????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

He did it because he is messed up. it had nothing to do with you. 
He made his choice and now he gets to punish you further by making you feel guilty for making yours. You are just going to have to be strong and do what you think is right. 

Clay


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Clay2013 said:


> He did it because he is messed up. it had nothing to do with you.
> He made his choice and now he gets to punish you further by making you feel guilty for making yours. You are just going to have to be strong and do what you think is right.
> 
> Clay


:iagree:

I'll also add that he thinks he is more important than your family or you. He had sex with other people because he wanted to, and he believes his wants are more important than anything else. He still believes it - that's why he's blame shifting and acting as though you are the one taking his family away. That's how he _really _sees it. It's all about him.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

norajane said:


> I'll also add that he thinks he is more important than your family or you. He had sex with other people because he wanted to, and he believes his wants are more important than anything else. He still believes it - that's why he's blame shifting and acting as though you are the one taking his family away. That's how he _really _sees it. It's all about him.


This.

OP, one of the most shocking and painful things I ever had to come to grips with was the realization, not that my serial cheating husband didn't love me, but rather that he absolutely _did_. 

He can and will do this to someone he loves. What he's been doing is what love looks like to him. Because nothing and no one is as important as whatever he wants.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

We all ask that question. And the answer is "because they can". You will never know what goes on in his head. That was the hardest part for me for a long time.


----------



## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

Dump him hard and fast and don't look back for a long time.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Do you have children?

What has he admitted?


----------



## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> Do you have children?
> 
> What has he admitted?


He had admitted to what I found out which is a dozen meetings with swingers. He then admitted to been deviant and been an exhibitionist. I then found out he is bi- oral and has had activity with men and woman in a swinger situation. After all this, I found a secret email account with over 1,200 responses to Craigslist ads and I found out he used female escorts from back page. I know he's not gay as he meets with women but not men alone. I haven't told him I found the email account.

I wish I would have left him six months ago on dday. It seems I'm delaying my own agony. I am planning on leaving and am contacting divorce lawyers. In the mean time I have to live with him and pretend alls ok while I get my ducks in a row. I have one child - a little toddler boy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

looking for clarity said:


> He had admitted to what I found out which is a dozen meetings with swingers. He then admitted to been deviant and been an exhibitionist. I then found out he is bi- oral and has had activity with men and woman in a swinger situation. After all this, I found a secret email account with over 1,200 responses to Craigslist ads and I found out he used female escorts from back page. I know he's not gay as he meets with women but not men alone. I haven't told him I found the email account.
> 
> I wish I would have left him six months ago on dday. It seems I'm delaying my own agony. I am planning on leaving and am contacting divorce lawyers. In the mean time I have to live with him and pretend alls ok while I get my ducks in a row. I have one child - a little toddler boy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Good plan. I would recommend no sex with him, he is a walking STD waiting to happen. And don't share with him your evidence. When folks do this sort of thing it is one of the riskiest ways of getting sex there is and there is a hugh potential for STDs.


----------



## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I haven't told him I found the secret email account. It's got the bulk of the evidence. He's trucking sending a picture with his face and erect penis to people on Craigslist and swing life style. What's amazing if I had 2 std panels ( one from pregnancy and one after dday) and I'm clean from everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Create a new email account for yourself. Forward the emails from his secret email account to your new account. Then go to the "sent" folder/tab and delete the sent copy.

You'll need the evidence - if for nothing else, to remind yourself in the future why you left him.


----------



## mankerlia (Dec 18, 2013)

You will never know what goes on in his head.


----------



## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Nor do I want too. Besides, I asked him if he ever went on Craigslist and he lied and said no. This email account is an excellent way to see the truth from lies. I look at his texts and emails when he's not watching to see if he'll let his gaurs down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

