# How do I split expense with my wife ?



## aragorn2011 (Nov 29, 2017)

I and my wife have been having a huge disagreement over expense sharing. I am a Banker (37 yrs age) which she is an MD (eye surgeon - 33 yrs). 
I currently earn 1.5x times of what my wife earns. However, my job is extremely unstable while she is a doctor (surgeon) 4 yrs younger than me. 

Just around the time of my marriage 4 yrs back, I purchased a house under my name and am paying a huge EMI for my mortgage.

We were earlier staying in a rented place, where I was bearing the rent cost while cost of running the house (half the rent) was borne by her. 

So with rent being 25k per month for the house I was still spending 1.5 times more than her. 

We moved into my own house 3 months back to save up the rent, I proposed that since I was paying the EMI, we should share the rest of the expenses 50:50. 

However, this is not acceptable to her as she says that the house is an investment made by me and hence should not be counted as expenses. 

She is adamant that we should still keep the expense in proportion to our income. 

She proposed that we open a bank account where I would put in 15k every month and she would contribute only 10k to maintain the 1.5 : 1 ratio. 

According to her EMI is my private investment and has nothing to do with her and that would not count under my personal expenses and not expense of running the house. 

We have been married for 4 years. I have never even asked her how she spends her money. 

The moment I try to explain that this does not make sense, she says that I am trying to charge for rent threatens with leaving the house. 

What should I do ?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Any children? Or planning to?


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## aragorn2011 (Nov 29, 2017)

Laurentium said:


> Any children? Or planning to?


No we don't have children. We are planning to have them though.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Well, it must be hard to struggle over such large incomes. $25,000 for rent?! *roll eyes* 

If you 2 weren't married, then she'd be incurring housing expenses whether it's rent or it's a mortgage. So, yes, the mortgage & interest as well as repairs/maintenance should be included in the expense budget. 

I agree with the 1.5:1 ratio.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You say you are a banker.
You can’t calculate that 1 to .5 ratio would have her paying 7500$ not 10000$.
If the house is in your name only and you owned it before marriage then why should she pay towards the mortgage whether it’s EMI,Variable,Endowment or anything else.
If you want her to contribute to your mortgage then put her name on the deeds.
You seem to have a banking approach to your personal life,take it from me that doesn’t work.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> You say you are a banker.
> You can’t calculate that 1 to .5 ratio would have her paying 7500$ not 10000$.
> If the house is in your name only and you owned it before marriage then why should she pay towards the mortgage whether it’s EMI,Variable,Endowment or anything else.
> If you want her to contribute to your mortgage then put her name on the deeds.
> You seem to have a banking approach to your personal life,take it from me that doesn’t work.


What ratio are we talking about?! 

Why should she get to live rent/mortgage free? :scratchhead: I get that she isn't on the deed but only in the homeless world does one get to live rent/mortgage free.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> You say you are a banker.
> You can’t calculate that 1 to .5 ratio would have her paying 7500$ not 10000$.
> If the house is in your name only and you owned it before marriage then why should she pay towards the mortgage whether it’s EMI,Variable,Endowment or anything else.
> If you want her to contribute to your mortgage then put her name on the deeds.
> You seem to have a banking approach to your personal life,take it from me that doesn’t work.


Yes, that what I thought, Andy.

Either her name is on the deeds or why should she pay one penny toward the cost of the mortgage?
@aragorn2011 could you get a better deal with refinancing with a mortgage in both your names, with her name on the deed?


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> *Well, it must be hard to struggle over such large incomes. $25,000 for rent?! *roll eyes*
> * - No doubt
> If you 2 weren't married, then she'd be incurring housing expenses whether it's rent or it's a mortgage. So, yes, the mortgage & interest as well as repairs/maintenance should be included in the expense budget.
> 
> I agree with the 1.5:1 ratio.


Totally agree with this. She has to live somewhere and should contribute to said place (regardless of if it is rented or otherwise).

She does realize that even though it is your house prior to marriage, she would be entitled to a portion of the equity in the home if the two of you were to separate? The house may be yours in name but the equity generated after the date of marriage belongs to both parties. 




MattMatt said:


> Either her name is on the deeds or why should she pay one penny toward the cost of the mortgage?


See the post above, she has to pay to live somewhere.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

C3156 said:


> Totally agree with this. She has to live somewhere and should contribute to said place (regardless of if it is rented or otherwise).
> 
> She does realize that even though it is your house prior to marriage, she would be entitled to a portion of the equity in the home if the two of you were to separate? The house may be yours in name but the equity generated after the date of marriage belongs to both parties.
> 
> ...


But paying rent to your _spouse?_ :wtf:


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

New York City?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> What ratio are we talking about?!
> 
> Why should she get to live rent/mortgage free? :scratchhead: I get that she isn't on the deed but only in the homeless world does one get to live rent/mortgage free.


He said his wife contributed to the running of the household at a ratio of 1 to .5.If he contributes fifteen grand like he claims he does then her share should have been seven and a half grand, not ten grand as he said she pays.
This is supposed to be the woman he loves and wants to have children with,it seems to me he treats her like a roommate,not a wife.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

you area a banker and coming her to find answers to money questions?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Your W should contribute to the mortgage. She gets a piece of it if separation would occur. Do you file taxes jointly? She would get some of the write off on interest correct? If your W was living alone would she live rent free? What bills is she paying?


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Eye surgeons earn approximately $200k per year.

If the husband is making 1.5x that amount he's earning about $300k per year.

After about 35% going to state and local taxes there's about $325k remaining in net income.

That's $27,083 remaining, less $25,000 in rent leaves $3083 for everything else, and utilities on a $25,000 home aren't a few hundred per month.

Besides, who rents that sort of a home? Successful people don't spend upwards of 90% of their huge incomes paying a landlord.

I'm not um.. "buying it".


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

It's fuzzy math or common core.


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## aragorn2011 (Nov 29, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> You say you are a banker.
> You can’t calculate that 1 to .5 ratio would have her paying 7500$ not 10000$.
> If the house is in your name only and you owned it before marriage then why should she pay towards the mortgage whether it’s EMI,Variable,Endowment or anything else.
> If you want her to contribute to your mortgage then put her name on the deeds.
> You seem to have a banking approach to your personal life,take it from me that doesn’t work.


My wife makes 150 and I make 200. That's roughly a 1 - 1.5 ratio. The amount isn't in US dollars. (If I was so stinking rich, I would have not been talking abt it)
Secondly, I never asked her to pay the rent. 
Our house expenses are roughly 30k to run the house. My mortgage is 60k monthly.
All I said is since I am bearing the whole 60k, let's split 30k as 15-15k.
In effect it would mean I pay 75k a month while she would pay only 15K.
She isn't ready for this arrangement as well.
She wants to keep the household expense in proportion as well. 
That means to meet 30k of expenses, I should be paying 18k and she would only be paying 12k.
I spent a bomb to renovate the house. All this means nothing to her.
So basically she wants me to spend 60 + 18 = 78k per month while she spends only 12k.
Is that fair ?


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Thanks for clarifying.

No it's not fair. When you get married, everything gets lumped together and her money is your money and your money is her money. Otherwise, what's the point of being married in the first place? Marriage means together for life, not scramble to keep as much of your own money as you can.

One account that the money goes in and out of, for bills and for "discretionary" optional expenses that you both agree to. Amicably. 

End of story.


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

I don’t think you both understand what the concept of marriage. You share assets, debt, your bodies. You share everything. 

You might be earning a lot of money, but you’re selfish and calculative. This woman is meant to be the most important person in your life and you expect her to split expenses with you? Instead of collecting debts, you should spend your energy on how to be a better husband. 

Will your wife be billing you for carrying the baby for nine months and for her breast milk when you have a child together?


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Put the house in the Family Trust- put both your pay checks in a joint account and pay all bills from that account .

You are married and it is a partnership.

Or-
You can argue over who filled up the tank last and who paid how much for groceries last week.

I spent 29.99 for corn dogs last week.

Grow Up.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

How much is that house worth? Why does it cost 30k a month to run it? Who are you - the Sultan of Brunei? You can admit it; we won't tell.


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

aragorn2011 said:


> So with rent being 25k per month for the house I was still spending 1.5 times more than her...
> 
> She proposed that we open a bank account where I would put in 15k every month and she would contribute only 10k to maintain the 1.5 : 1 ratio...
> 
> What should I do ?


The struggle is real...

You are definitely neck deep in first world problems here. If you two are such misers just move into a different place, keep all your money to yourselves, and maintain your 1.5:1 ratio for expenses. Seems like the only option here. Either rent out or sell your house and you keep the full proceeds. Just spend it on vacations or flying lessons or something, because in a divorce she'll take it.


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## aragorn2011 (Nov 29, 2017)

My wife has been extremely calculative. Being an eye surgeon she makes no less money but gives off all her money to her parents. Frankly I don't even care. But there hv been a lot of problems in my marriage from day 1 to let go the equation. 

Pls answer one thing. When we were staying on rent, how come she was okay with me paying the rent and she paying for other expenses.

The cost of servicing a mortgage is far more than rent. I come from India so basically 200000 INR is like 3000 dollars a month and it's not a lot of money.

There is a huge backstory to calculate propotional expenses cause my wife married me as a rebound 4 years back and in the last 4 yrs has spent any 2 yrs with me and spoke about a divorce 500 times.
She spoke about a divorce on the second day of the wedding.

She rarely does anything for me and thinks her EX is God!

For a person who talks about ending marriage all the time, why should I only suffer


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

aragorn2011 said:


> My wife makes 150 and I make 200. That's roughly a 1 - 1.5 ratio. The amount isn't in US dollars. (If I was so stinking rich, I would have not been talking abt it)
> Secondly, I never asked her to pay the rent.
> Our house expenses are roughly 30k to run the house. My mortgage is 60k monthly.
> All I said is since I am bearing the whole 60k, let's split 30k as 15-15k.
> ...


Can you clear up some confusion on the maths here?

If your mortgage is 60K and house expenses are 30k that is 1,080,000 per year. The two of you together make 350K per year before tax.

You only make enough to cover 3 months or so and that isn't with any taxes.

Do you both realize that as a married couple you should be working together? If you wants what's yours is yours and what's hers is hers then you shouldn't have got married.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

$25,000 for monthly rent?!? Holy smokes, that's a little much. What do you live in, a castle? While I do see her way of thinking, I also understand yours. Cost of living, to me should be divided according to amount of income of each person. Your EMI place is still an expense though, and should be treated as such, although if I were you, I would be trying to get that rented out ASAP, so you can save yourselves many, many thousands of dollars. Many marriages end over finances, so you guys need to get this under control. Don't bring babies into the world until this happens.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

aragorn2011 said:


> My wife has been extremely calculative. Being an eye surgeon she makes no less money but gives off all her money to her parents. Frankly I don't even care. But there hv been a lot of problems in my marriage from day 1 to let go the equation.
> 
> Pls answer one thing. When we were staying on rent, how come she was okay with me paying the rent and she paying for other expenses.
> 
> ...


So why are you suffering?

Give her what she wants - a divorce. She can live with her parents since she's supporting them anyway and you can find a woman who will build a life with you. Do not have children with this woman.


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

Divorce it's so much easier then dealing with this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@aragorn2011

Generally in marriage, each spouse should contribute to joint expenses at a ratio equivalent to the percentage of joint income that they earn.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The law where you live determines what 'rights' each of you have to property and assets. Basically, since you bought the house before marriage, and it's in your name only, if you end up divorcing, then your wife is not entitled to any portion of the home you want her to help you pay for. She is right that you bought the home as YOUR investment and you want her to help you pay for YOUR investment.

"According to India law, "The right to marital property is based on the woman's contribution to maintaining home and children over the years. It is not a dole or a charity. It is her right." See: Marital Property Division in India. Thus, the property would typically remain yours unless she proves a substantial contribution to the marriage and maintaining the home such that she would get some financial entitlement for that contribution. The law in India does NOT provide for an equal division of property in a divorce, the man typically gets all of the property except any property the woman brought into the marriage."

https://www.justanswer.com/family-law/6o76n-india-assets-divided-divorce-property.html

And you are right that she should pay something towards the home she lives in.

You need to either draw up a post nuptial agreement that states which portion of your home she is entitled to upon divorce or your death. Or you need to put her name on the deed and on the mortgage. If you put her name on the deed and the mortgage, there is a way, perhaps in a post-nup where you both can sign an agreement that any down payment you made on the mortgage is your sole property.

Another solution is for the two of you to buy a home together that you both want. That way she is in on choosing the home and the amount of the mortgage.

You have introduced this problem into your marriage by you insisting that you alone own what amounts to the martial home. So your wife is nothing more than a guest in YOUR home per the laws where you live. What a lousy way for her to have to live.

You introduced this problem. You need to fix it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

aragorn2011 said:


> My wife has been extremely calculative. Being an eye surgeon she makes no less money but gives off all her money to her parents. Frankly I don't even care. But there hv been a lot of problems in my marriage from day 1 to let go the equation.
> 
> Pls answer one thing. When we were staying on rent, how come she was okay with me paying the rent and she paying for other expenses.
> 
> ...


So get a divorce. Why would you stay married to a women who is constantly threatening divorce? She treats you the way she does because she knows that she can. She knows that you will not stand up to her. She sees no reason to change.

Go see a lawyer and divorce her. Get this nonsense over with. This is no way to live.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

aragorn, I'm pondering the situation a bit. For first marriage people generally lump everything together and it is 50/50. Everything is 50/50, in that you each have full access to all the assets and both live off of the pooled assets forever. But for second marriages or later in life marriages, it is common to split the expenses proportionally.

In your case it seems ok that you are splitting expenses as you are both established professionals with a somewhat later marriate. To me the big question is whether she ever will have claim to part of the house if you divorce. And keep in mind you might divorce somewhere other than your current location. Also, what happens if you should die? How is the house accounted for in settling your estate? Would she have the right to live there even after you died?

If she will never ever have any chance of claiming part of the house, it is indeed an investment for you. But, only to the extent above what you might pay for rent. Or something along those lines. That is, if you both lived modestly in a rented home, there is no investment happening. And, you'd split the rent cost proportionally. But you are paying more than that for this home, and you are paying interest not just principle. The interest is indeed a large cost over the long term, and thus can affect the "profit" you eventually make on the house.  Not to mention inflation can eat up the value of any "profit". For many Americans, purchasing a home ends up not being a real profit in the long run, depending heavily of course on location and timing.

I think she should be paying somewhat more than just a straight proportion when it comes to other expenses. I presume you each keep separate finances for your personal expenses such as cars, phones, etc. 

She would be paying some form of rent or mortgage were she not married. And so would you. It seems fair to me she should contribute something towards the housing above her share of household expenses. You two actually make nearly the same amount, her 150k and you 200k. I understand that to be per month.

Rent was 25k, mortgage is 60k. Expenses are 30k. I'll guess expenses were slightly less when renting, let's assume 20k.

So while renting your total expenses were 45k. That puts her share at 150/350*45k=19k when renting. I think this is the minimum she should be contributing per month. She is not "renting" from you, she is offsetting her share of housing costs _for modest housing when sharing costs_. You have chosen to invest in a home which costs a lot more than renting, and she has no claim on the investment. Thus, to me, the added cost of buying the home falls to you. She gets the benefit of the nicer home compared to renting, which is also a factor worthy of some payment. You should not be providing her with a nicer home just for free, and keep in mind you have interest and tax expenses which are not regained when you sell the home. The added 7k that I calculated she should pay would be a contribution to the lost costs of living in a nicer home than when you were renting.

19k vs your 71k still looks unbalanced. However, you are gaining equity in the home with each payment. This is part of your long term overall financial growth. She theoretically would put her money proportionally into other investments. This does bring up the question again of divorce and how assets might be split up, and whether there may be alimony.

Those are all cold numbers, but honestly from what you've said about her threatening divorce etc, I would proceed to divorce now. You deserve a better life than being verbally and emotionally abused by your wife!


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

There's no such thing as divided assets in marriage. No matter what spin a spouse can make on a purchase a huge expense it effects both parties. When it comes to large purchases like a house or car no matter how many or what name it's under technically your married it hurts the wallet no matter how you spin the equation. So what do you do? both of y'all should have a talk and comprise find a beneficial solution that benefits the marriage. You gotta put money and material stuff on the back burner and put the marriage first. You can only win-win in a marriage win-lose or lose-win never works. When it comes to money and who pays what and how much should go here or bills are payed the best answer is to come out win-win.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Thor said:


> aragorn, I'm pondering the situation a bit. For first marriage people generally lump everything together and it is 50/50. Everything is 50/50, in that you each have full access to all the assets and both live off of the pooled assets forever. But for second marriages or later in life marriages, it is common to split the expenses proportionally.


Or, split things evenly regardless of what each party makes. 

Thats what me and my domestic partner do.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> How much is that house worth? Why does it cost 30k a month to run it? Who are you - the Sultan of Brunei? You can admit it; we won't tell.


If your housing cost is this high you have bigger problems than how much she contributes.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

aragorn2011 said:


> My wife has been extremely calculative. Being an eye surgeon she makes no less money but gives off all her money to her parents. Frankly I don't even care. But there hv been a lot of problems in my marriage from day 1 to let go the equation.
> 
> Pls answer one thing. When we were staying on rent, how come she was okay with me paying the rent and she paying for other expenses.
> 
> ...


Why on earth are you still with this woman?


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Now let me make sure I'm hearing you correctly. You have combined income of $350k. Your monthly expenses are roughly 30k to run the house and you mortgage is 60k monthly. Sorry Aragorn, unless the 350k income is in ounces of gold, you can't afford it.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Forget the math. Get a divorce before you have kids. If not, you will get one later, pay more, resent her more, and have to deal with multiple families which makes life more complex. Keep it simple. Divorce and then go find a spouse who wants to share everything 50-50.

Or divorce, place all your assets into trust so they are not marital assets subject to division, move to a state with strong protection of pre-marital assets, and marry someone who has no intention of combining finances so you can spend your entire life honing the weekly spreadsheet of who paid how much for which expenses..


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

IMHO.

In a marriage people can have a prenup to set aside assets from before the marriage, but beyond that I am a strong believer in combining incomes and sharing expenses. 

My wife and I have done this for 30 years. While our marriage has has other issues, we have never had significant financial disagreements. We pool our income into a single account. Pay all combined bills from that account. Then set aside equal amounts of fun-money so that we can each splurge guilt-free.

When we were married, I was a grad student and she made 3X what I did. Over the years my income grew faster now I make ~1.5X what she does. Then she inherited about 10 years of our combined income. Lots of things happen in life - this system seems the fairest.

In comparison another couple we know decided to keep money separate. Worked for a while when their incomes were similar - but then he cashed out his stock options for an amount comparable to the rest of her expected lifetime earnings. So for the last 20 years he hasn't worked and spends his time having fun, while she still works full time to keep up her end of the deal. Technically fair, but feels terribly unfair.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

OP has stated his numbers are not in US dollars, and are per month. His math is ok.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

He needs to give us an exchange rate before he throws out numbers.  (and hold on to his doctor wife. Don't kill the goose that may be laying golden eggs over nails lumber and roofing)


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

VladDracul said:


> He needs to give us an exchange rate before he throws out numbers.


.
.
.


aragorn2011 said:


> I come from India so basically 200000 INR is like 3000 dollars a month and it's not a lot of money.





VladDracul said:


> (and hold on to his doctor wife. Don't kill the goose that may be laying golden eggs over nails lumber and roofing)





aragorn2011 said:


> My wife has been extremely calculative. Being an eye surgeon she makes no less money but gives off all her money to her parents.


It seems he is being fleeced by her. He's the lamb here, and she's no golden goose!


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## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

Yeswecan said:


> If your W was living alone would she live rent free?


not sure why living alone is the only option here
the other alternative could be living with someone loving and caring 

right now the wife is treated like room mate. wtf she is wasting her time on that, I dunno


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## bossanova (Dec 21, 2017)

aragorn2011 said:


> I and my wife have been having a huge disagreement over expense sharing. I am a Banker (37 yrs age) which she is an MD (eye surgeon - 33 yrs).
> I currently earn 1.5x times of what my wife earns. However, my job is extremely unstable while she is a doctor (surgeon) 4 yrs younger than me.
> 
> Just around the time of my marriage 4 yrs back, I purchased a house under my name and am paying a huge EMI for my mortgage.
> ...


Sorry but your financial arrangement is perturbing to me. Why are you treating each other as roommates? Sounds like you skipped some conversations about joint finances while you were engaged. In a marriage, assets and debts are combined. Looking at things like “her debt” and “my money” will only lead to problems - you will constantly be at war and build resentment. The fact that you don’t know how your wife spends “her money” is problematic. I suggest you pool your income together and deduct all expenses to figure out a budget, taking into account retirememt, savings, monthly expenses, and anything for each of your personal needs. Marriage is a team effort, not an individual competition.


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## RussellHarper (Feb 9, 2018)

Have you split the assets?


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## Johann Sebastian (Mar 20, 2018)

Generally it is much more constructive to combine finances in a marriage. Alternatively, you can do pro rata assignment of expenses based on income, but only for the purpose of allowing each person financial autonomy once the necessities have been paid for. The goal is to take CONTROL out of the equation, not to put it into the equation.


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## USD2018 (Apr 4, 2018)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Well, it must be hard to struggle over such large incomes. $25,000 for rent?! *roll eyes*


More money more problems!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I'm not buying all this either. 
If OP and W got married, there's love, and plan for a life together there's something I'm not seeing here which is "our" home, "our" investments, "saving together for our future".

How about not worrying about exact percentage, open a joint account, put her name on the house, put your name on her items, pay bills, have joint savings? If each wants to also have second personal accounts, do so gently, not "when I bail on you" planning. Be more wise in spending. As a good earner I can say as I tell the kids, spend some save some. You know this already I'm sure. 

You highlighted you make more than her but don't let that convince you your needs and importance in the marriage is 1.5% more important than hers.

Good marriages are more than money. Until both of you realize that number one rule just quit now. Really. Two persons always living planning an exit isn't a marriage. Ever. Never ever.

I never read that you really love her and her you. Or that either is committed to the success of the other. 

If you want this to work be a good husband. Invite her to be a good wife. It ain't all about the money. I'm sorry to say, pls forgive me....You sound like a millennial, is the term?

You have your health. Start from there. Enjoy each other's company.

Good luck. I believe you can do it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Bonkers said:


> Or, split things evenly regardless of what each party makes.
> 
> Thats what me and my domestic partner do.


A large percentage of the best marriages do.


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## Rgaines (Jun 13, 2018)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> What ratio are we talking about?!
> 
> Why should she get to live rent/mortgage free? :scratchhead: I get that she isn't on the deed but only in the homeless world does one get to live rent/mortgage free.[/QUOTE
> 
> While this is true (and I do get your point) neither the homeless, nor the renter has emotional or phisical relationships with the Landlord. Nor are they expected to remain emotionally or physically faithful.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Regardless of first marriage or 5th marriage.. 

I believe many of the comments here about cherishing your wife and how you should give her your right arm is nonsense.. 

Many like myself come from Divorce into other marriages.. 
Personally I walked away extremely well from my marriage of 20 years, but NOT because my Lawyer was looking out for me.. I was looking out for ME... My lawyer wanted his 10k and have me pay my wife 3k a month and just STFU.. I wasn't having that.. 
End result I did my own homework pulled up my own case law.. End result all said and done.. My kids live with me and my wife pays me child support. I kept my full pension and other money.. My Ex got 50k and a dam nice truck. Which ended up being used by the other man and being ruined. 

With that being said.. 

I think she should pay whatever a bit less than half the rent value is for that piece of property IF it's of value to her.. Its India so no clue here.. I live in NYC.. So if my home gives my wife and her kids a parking space.. a pool.. control of the heating system and basically freedom to do things you could not do in an apartment.. Then yea she should pay more or pay at least her rent value she is paying now IF she is getting more.. Otherwise live in your apt and then complain to the landlord about you have no heat and your cold.. complain you can't find parking.. complain you need to take your kids out to go to the beach or pool when you just want to be at home.. Share that one bathroom with 2 other people.

And I will enjoy my pool in the summer the 10 parking spaces my driveway and yard afford. The turning up the heat to 80 because I am cold. my private bathroom, ETC in my home.. 

If she is in the home and loves the huge kitchen and huge living room and huge bedroom with private bathroom. Being able to drive home and park her car without looking for parking and knowing its much safer being on the property then the streets.. Then she should pay more for those benefits.. 

IF she says I don't care.. I don't need it.. I don't want it.. Then I would rent the home if you can assuming it will help you pay it off.. 
If you're in a bad spot in which the rent doesn't cover the mortgage. Then you have an issue, depending on how much money is coming out of your pocket to cover the extra expense.

I would do the math of half rent in a apt plus what your share of the mortgage would be after renting. Compared to living in the house and paying whatever it is coming out of your pocket. 
If your home is much nicer than an apt and its a benefit to you suck it up and pay and take what she is giving.. As long as legally down the road she can't come after you for part of the home..


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Thread dating is awesome !!!!!!!


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

While I do agree with keeping expenses proportionate to the income of each, especially if there’s a wide gap in income, I also believe that when you’re married, you share expenses.

This also happened to my XH and I when we were married. Except that I made less than him, and footed about 66% of the living costs. He claimed to not have time to go with me to set up a joint account, so I sucked it up, but it eventually took its toll. 

My question is this: where do you live and how huge are your properties if you’re racking up those kind of monthly expenses?!? I spend about $1600 on monthly expenses, and that includes the mortgage for a home that I built 9 years ago as well as anything that comes out of my bank account. Have you thought of downsizing a little?

The house that you had before marriage… is her name on the deed? Do you have a prenup that it’s written into?


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