# Old man young wife in trouble ....



## ts185 (May 19, 2012)

Hi

I live in OZ and I am experiencing some marriage difficulties.

First the back ground:

I am a 53 year old male (fit and healthy)
10 years ago I met and fell in love with my wife 33 years old (now).
We worked together and saved hard and own our own home together with no debts to any bank or person. Along the way we managed to have 4 kids 1 girl now 8 and 3 boys 7, 3 and 2

We both don't work and collect social security.
I had an accident in 2004 which left me with reasons to claim a disability allowance. (won't go into that in detail, but it's fine by both of us and not the reason why I am here)

We live our lives by looking after the 2 children at home during the day whilst the other two are at school. It's bloody hard work and our family is one of intense shouting. This is where I have a problem. The solution for my wife to keep control of the children is to lose control herself and start the shouting process, which drives me nuts and I end up shouting as well (at the kids).
It's a daily ritual and I hate it with a passion. I feel guilty about myself after, but it never seems to stop. It's dragging me down and now I am even starting the shouting before her.

Our two oldest kids misbehave immensly and do not get along with each other fuelling our anger.

Part two of the problem is my wife's sporting interests (netball) are taking over her life. It used to be just her playing (practice 2 nights a week and playing half a day saturday. Even after saying for the last 4 years that this is her last season, she still keeps on playing. I never used to mind because we all have to have our outside interests, but now she has taken on the role of club treasurer and also coaching the sub juniors to which my daughter is now playing.
All this is consuming her time and she spends at least 20 hours per week on related issues. It's hard enough raising 4 kids, but when one partner is not there mentally or physically half the time is REAL hard. It's driving me nuts.
When she is not doing netball stuff and the kids are ion bed she sits in front of the telly and plays games on her phone.
We hardly talk anymore and when we do it's almost always about the kids or interupted by the kids. We used to go out wining and dining before the kids came along but now that never happens.

We both seem to be drifting further apart and out lovemaking has been cut to every 3 months or so. We seem to have blow ups more frequently and more eruptive. It seems to me that she is only looking for things that I do wrong and never comments on the good things I do anymore. First wrong thing I do she pounces on me and makes a mountain out of a mole hill.

She thinks it is all my fault and the last argument we had she mentioned the divorce word. When we do have blow ups we don't make up, things just go on till it simmers and blows over till the next time.

I feel depressed and hate living like this. I have had BAD thought about her, myself and life in general. 

Of course there are always 2 sides to the story, and I am sure there her picture of me will be similar to this. Trouble is we both think the other is at fault, and I know we are BOTH at fault but how do we find common ground ?

It's easy to read this and say "You need to talk to each other", but it always ends up in a **** fight.

I am not in favour of marriage counciling (have seen it never work for friends). I would rather find the solution so that we can help ourselves in our own problems, hence the reason I am here, I need advice and help on which way to tackle our problems.

After our blow ups my first thoughts are almost always negative. I feel it is not worth it and want it to be over with. But after calm down time I think I do not want to put my kids or ourselves through that horrible path. I do still love her, as I hope she still does me. But we just don't show it anymore.


Please I need help before I string myself up in the shed ........


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

ts185-

Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.

And do WHATEVER you have to do to stop yelling at your kids. Patience and self discipline are essential. You're a guy. Find those qualities within yourself however you have to.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Take a look at the material linked to below for building a passionate marriage.

YOu two need a marriage make-over.


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