# Maybe it's me...



## TechGirl (Mar 27, 2009)

Hi, I am in dire need of some help...I really think it's just me....but I'm frustrated and annoyed, and I am not sure what to do...

I'm going to start with my own faults. I am extremely non-confrontational. I will not say anything I think even might hurt someone's feelings. I'm also ADHD. I have the attention span of a two year old. I tried meds but I have other conditions that stop them.

The above is what makes this situation suck...

My husband wants a motorcycle. For any wife, this is probably not a cause for concern...but...this is ALL he talks about. If there is a pause or silence in a conversation, he starts talking about motorcycle parts and the bike he is going to build. I HATE driving anywhere with him because all he talks about is the bike. It's like listening to a motorcycle podcast. 

We can't afford a bike, at least for a year. He spends his days off driving around looking at parts and bikes, even though we can't really afford the gas. I can leave him with a full tank of gas at 8:00 Friday morning, and will be on empty when he picks me up at 4:00. 

I have no interest in the motorcycle. I am able to feign interest for a small period of time when he first starts talking about it...but the ADHD gets the better of me after about 15 minutes, and I zone. I try hard not to, I look at him, try to listen, but zone. The channel in my head changes, literally. I have to put my blackberry in the back seat so I can't get to it. 

I have tried to change the topic, to anything else, I mean anything, from world politics to grass growing to the spot on the windshield. He just changes the subject right back. 

If he even thinks I'm getting annoyed, he gets pissed, and goes on a rant about how I always ignore him. 

I think part of it is stress about his mother-in-law, who is sick, and we can't afford to take her in. His friend told me he turns to cars and bikes in times of stress, but it's killing me. 

God, I sound so selfish...maybe I am. I want to talk to him about this, but I am afraid of making him angry. I am the one who always feels bad, even if I was right.

Help?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm not sure your problem is ADHD--it is called boredom! Who could blame you there?! You didn't mention your ages. He sounds really immature......


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

I'm confused, wouldn't his sick mother-in-law be your mom?

He has an interest/hobby, as long as he doesn't do something stupid financially and go buy one when you guys can't afford it, its ok.

Pick up a hobby of your own that you really like and start talking to him about it.


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## Peridot (Dec 30, 2008)

LOL... 

I know what you are going through, girl. 

My husband is a real car nut and he always has some project in mind or in the garage. 

Right now, it is the Mustang, before that, it was the Sunbird, before that, it was the Cavalier.... 

I'm into cars (sort of because of him), and I can follow his convesations *most* of the time. I've become a big "Top Gear" fan and it is something that we enjoy together... Whenever his birthday or Christmas comes around, it's easy: Get tools or car parts...  - I don't do this anymore, because after 11 years, he either has all the tools he needs or the only parts left are too expensive for me to justify getting unless he gets them himself.) 

HOWEVER - He does obsess over things and it becomes very boring to listen to him constantly talk about the same kind of things over and over and over again. I try to, but sometimes it is very mundane ("What color should I make the door accent?" "Should I replace the carpet?" The answer becomes "I don't know" or "What do you think?" pretty fast because he is going to do whatever he wants ultimately anyway). 

Unfortunately, he refuses to share the same enthusiam about my interests. More often than not, he tells me my interests are 'boring,' 'for old people,' or 'too hard to understand.' I usually don't bother talking about my day or my interests anymore, because I'm usually interrupted by him talking about cars (which makes me not want to talk or listen to him talk about cars if it happens often enough).


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I think there's a kernal of an idea there...

When he starts talking about "the 'bike"...listen once until he quits (for whatever reason). The next time he starts (for that day!), say: "STOP! You've already shared enough with me for today. Period! Save the rest for tomorrow." And each day, repeat the process.


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