# Texting and sharing nude pictures: Adultery?



## trentetrois (Jul 2, 2013)

Reading from LadyBing: "Is it Cheating ?", has given me the courage to present my own problem. 

We have been married for 11 years and have been going through some sexual problems for the past two years. For more than two years now my wife is getting less interested in having sex with me. She even went as far as suggesting that we should stay without sex. She told me on one occasion that she does not have any feeling for me: that the flame is no longer there. Each evening when I go to bed (around 10pm)she goes on internet and stays late, most of the time up to past 1 am.

About three weeks ago I discovered that all those nights she has been texting with a man she met during a professional exchange visit early 2011. They have been sharing everything (pictures with family, vacation pictures, daily frustrations at work and at home, their respective sex lives with spouses etc) and usually make sex appointments on the internet. At each appointment they take and share current photos of their intimate parts (vagina and penis). She addresses him "my lover", "my other husband who gives me what my husband cannot give". The texts describe very intense emotional, sensational and erotic (sexual) scenes. They are very committed and passionate, staying on the internet for an average of 3 hours and at least twice a week.

I have been devasted since I discovered it. I confronted her and she said that they stopped it 3 months ago after realising that it will not take them anywhere. I asked her to give me her email password so that I can really make sure that it has stopped and she refused with such vehemence. Each time I try to talk about it she is so defensive of her (internet) lover and gets very upset when I make any derogatory remarks about the lover. The worst part is that she does not show any remorse for what she has done (or is still doing). The only thing she ever said is that she is ashamed for falling that low.

In July 2012 during her vacation she travelled alone to the city where the lover lives. The two days she spent in that city where approved by the lover in an email of May 21, 2012 and the lover promised to meet her during her stay. She maintains that they did not meet during her visit. There are so many things that do not add up and I am convinced that they met.

It is really stressing me up and I donot know what to do. I have not been able to work normally since my discovery. Each time I try to forget it my mind keeps going back to the nude images and the erotic messages. I feel ashamed, abused, used and debased. 

Can I ever trust her again? Is it not adultery? Should I or should I not file for divorce? It is eating me up so badly!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Your wife has spent the last couple of years routinely sharing passionate sexual encounters with another man. What about that would _not_ be adultery?

Yes, she's cheating. Yes, they met and had freaky circus sex when she was in his city. No, she isn't sorry she did it. Yes, she wants to keep on doing it - and probably is. 

So, what do you want to do about that?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Your wife has cheated on you by having an emotional affair - plus sexting. Most likely she has since met him and they consumated their affair, i.e. it went physical. She is probably still seeing him. I'd move your thread to CWI where you will get help from people who were in your shoes before. Also, you will get a number of opinions. Just weigh everything and pick what you think is best for you.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If the people exchanging these text messages had the opportunity to be secretly alone, what would happen? If you're guessing they'd be having sex, then they are already adulterers. The only thing that might be missing is an opportunity. They clearly both have the motivation. Whether EA or PA, for your purposes, the difference is pretty insignificant.


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## BrownBoy (Jul 2, 2013)

I agree with Rowan, it's adultery !! I am afraid to say that , she won't stop it that easily. If you don't have kids and if you are not depending on her in any ways, think about it, and let her go for good. To share you my story, a year ago I found out my wife was in such emotional affairs using internet, telephone and text with several men. The situation didn't allow her to have physical contact with any of them, but she was badly addicted to this type of virtual sex. Even though I forgave her and tried to help her to get out if this, I recently found out she is still in there. She needs the marriage for her comfort and security, otherwise she has lost sexual interest towards me. I don't see any better solution than divorce which I am working on. Believe me, if your wife says she stopped this relationship with the other man, she will do it moths or a year later after with the same or another man. The most important thing you have to do is to take a good care of yourself financially and of course your health.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

She is deep in the fog of an EA, with no remorse. If you seriously believe her that she didn't meet her lover in 2012 then it's game over for you.

Yes you need to divorce. I can't believe you even need to ask the question to be honest. 

I second the suggestion of moving your thread to CWI.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

YES.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

step one- read the newbie link in my signature
step two- get your ass over to CWI


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Your wife is having an affair.

Wow, how are you not seeing that?

Not had an affair, IS having an affair. Clearly her trip was a sex trip to be with him.

You need to find everything you can about this other guy, especially about his wife.

Then without warning exposé the affair to his wife. 

Destroy the affair first, and only after its dead does your marriage have any chance at all.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also post the OM up on cheaterville and begin exposing him.

You go after him, to make him turn on your wife, to dump her because she is causing him problems.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Your story is pretty much a word for word recounting of what my now ex did a decade ago. In hindsight I believe I made a mistake of not taking stronger stance right away. Instead I grovelled and tried to figure out why she was so unhappy. That is my biggest regret with how I handled the situation.


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## trentetrois (Jul 2, 2013)

I sincerely thank you all for the advice and comments. I am still in a trauma. Still struggling to come to terms with what I read and saw. Your various comments and advice has been of help especially reading the link by Almostrecovered. I have been reading your replies over and over all these days. I will first of all try counseling, get myself together before firming a decision. I think it is important to stabilise before taking any decision to avoid being irrational.

Thank you!


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Sorry you are going over to the CWI fora 

Lots of good help there to get you through it though, and listen to them, do exactly what they say and you will get the best help in the world!!!

Good luck.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> step one- read the newbie link in my signature
> step two- get your ass over to CWI


I swear we should sticky your thread


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

When i get back ill paste my usual 007 stuff for you.

You will need it. Sorry you are here. Really should be incoping with infidelity.

VARs

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY THE cheapies. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. Set bit rate to 44K or higher and sensitivity to very high or better Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off.

Put the second in whatever room she uses to talk in when you are not around.

Usual warning. If you hear another man get in her car STOP Listening and have a trusted friend tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while Canother man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! NO MORE CONFRONTS!!

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise. If needed, I have done var work for three men here. RDMU is the only one who has released some of the confidentiality. Read his second thread for my reliability and confidentiality.

The ezoom GPS has been found to be easy to buy at Radio shack and useful.

Look for a burner phone. That is often why wives let the husband "see their phone"

Look for apps on her phone like words with friends. It has a non traceable texting feature.


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## Kellbasa (Jul 6, 2013)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Your story is pretty much a word for word recounting of what my now ex did a decade ago. In hindsight I believe I made a mistake of not taking stronger stance right away. Instead I grovelled and tried to figure out why she was so unhappy. That is my biggest regret with how I handled the situation.


+1


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

trentetrois said:


> She even went as far as suggesting that we should stay without sex. She told me on one occasion that she does not have any feeling for me: that the flame is no longer there.


Why are you still married to her if she has no feelings for you?


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

She is having EA's (at a minimum that you know about). Has told you she no longer wants you physically. Time to file for D and move on, and ask the mods to move this thread to Coping with Infidelity section.


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## Logitex (Jul 5, 2013)

yup, didnt have to read the post that much.. 

if you arent ok with it.. and she is doing it. Yea. 

It is cheating. If you said "Yea that is cool" 

it would be a different story.


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## natureoflove (Jul 5, 2013)

trentetrois said:


> Reading from LadyBing: "Is it Cheating ?", has given me the courage to present my own problem.
> 
> We have been married for 11 years and have been going through some sexual problems for the past two years. For more than two years now my wife is getting less interested in having sex with me. She even went as far as suggesting that we should stay without sex. She told me on one occasion that she does not have any feeling for me: that the flame is no longer there. Each evening when I go to bed (around 10pm)she goes on internet and stays late, most of the time up to past 1 am.
> 
> ...


what your wife want to get which you cannot provide?
try to give her such kind of things, is that for you to do this?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If their sending naked photos of each other, the reason for it is simple. It's because they can't be there in person to have sex. Believe me, it's cheating and your wife doesn't have the God given common sense to understand that this guy can do whatever he wants to do with the photos. She might find her naked a$$ on some porn site and lets face it, people of all walks of life will go to an adult site from time to time and there is a chance that someone will know her............then what. How does she explain that? Do yourself a favor and move on. Find a woman who has some dignity and self respect. You'll be better off.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Honestly just get a keylogger on there. Get the PW. Get your evidence. SAVE IT SOMEPLACE OFFSITE AND SAFE. Preferably two places.

CHECK THE CACHE FILES.

Then a him or me conversation.

dont be surprised if its him.

DONT be plan B


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Yes it is cheating. She is diverting her emotions away from you to other men via the texts. She is diverting her body away from you to other men via the pictures. What about this is not adultery?

Give her a hard wake up call. Tell her it stops or you walk. She gives you all the passwords and you send no contact texts or emails or whatever to these guys. Her life becomes an open book.

Or. You. Walk.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

What you should do is catch her coming out of the shower and start taking pictures, the excuse yourself and tell her that you'll be on the computer posting them on line and if she gets pissed, ask her why? She had no problem letting it all hang out before so why now?


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

sandc said:


> Yes it is cheating. She is diverting her emotions away from you to other men via the texts. She is diverting her body away from you to other men via the pictures. What about this is not adultery?
> 
> Give her a hard wake up call. Tell her it stops or you walk. She gives you all the passwords and you send no contact texts or emails or whatever to these guys. Her life becomes an open book.
> 
> Or. You. Walk.


could not agree more


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

And get a copy of Not Just Friends by Dr. Shirely Glass. It will explain more about emotional affairs as well as physical infidelity.

Sorry you are here. Please stand up for yourself. Exposing should be high on your list of steps after you have your proof.


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## Aide-moi (Aug 7, 2012)

Hi,

Just wondering how you are doing and if your issue got resolved?


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