# Fatigue, Gender Differential?



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

I seem to hear more women complain about being tired than I do men, and am curious if it's just me. I didn't notice this before I was 40 and most of the people I talked to were as well. 

What do readers think? Does your spouse complain about being tired more than you do? Do you have similar demands on your energy? 

Ladies, I hope it doesn't sound like I'm picking on you, if there is such an effect it may well be due to hormonal differences. This just seems like a good place to gather some data.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

My STBXW could get 10 hours of sleep and still be tired.

I only needed about 4-5 to be refreshed each day


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

My wife is less tired than myself but she is also in better shape...we are 49 and 48


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

I think a large part of it is hormonal, plus any level of inflammation can cause a sense of fatigue very easily (which women are more likely to be exposed to because again, hormones). I read recently that women are twice as likely to report feeling exhausted and that sociologists and medical professionals are finding that stress levels are much higher for women who have a tendency to take on more work than their male counterparts. Even in the modern age with both men and women working, it's still expected for the most part for the woman in a household to maintain domestic responsibility regardless if they work within or outside of the home. Women are also much more likely to voice their fatigue than men because women are more socially conditioned to express concerns or get a sense of stress relief from vocalizing a personal issue. 

In our own home, my husband actually complains the most about being tired. He works outside of the home with a long commute, usually stretching his work days into the 14 hour range. I stay at home with the kids and take care of everything domestically so he literally does not have to do anything other than wake up, go to work, come home, have dinner and relax. Now, in his own case, I believe most of his exhaustion stems from stress, waves of depression, and being out of shape. Because of this, I tend to take on as many of his responsibilities as I can, from taking care of bills, doing taxes, scheduling, even the lawn work and caring for the bones of the house. Anything that can help bring some relief to him. 

Now I do feel like a lot of the time, regardless of gender (and taking serious medical issues aside) feelings of fatigue and exhaustion might come from more a sense of boredom or lack of stimulation in someone's life. Despite having electronic devices that offer endless options, very little of it is actually productive and I think that leaves a lot of people feeling wasted and deflated. 

At least to me, there's a significant difference in the type of exhaustion that one can feel. For example, I know I'm more likely to complain about being tired when I know I've done a lot but didn't necessarily feel like I used my time wisely. On the other hand, if I know I've worked hard, feel accomplished and can see the efforts I made turn into some sort of value, then I can be utterly dead on my feet but never complain about it.

I don't know how much that might apply to others, but there could be a psychological connection between how someone views their exhaustion and what likely created it.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I was the energetic one in my first marriage by comparison. Now I am the more tired one by comparison lol

Since overcoming a few health issues and the treatments they required, I seem a bit more tired than I used to be. I NEED my 7-8 hours every night. But I can combat it with a better diet, more water, and some B12.

It's an interesting question. I hear more women than men talk about fatigue as well.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

My husband has so much energy than me.. He has anxiety but I believe he has ADHD because he can't sit still. Even when he is sick he has to be doing something. Mostly, I do get 7 or 8 hours of sleep and I'm still tired. I work outside the home, take care of the kids and home stuff-- I'm the rock of the family. Even thou I'm busy, I could be a bit bored. Life with spouse isn't that great. Perhaps this is why I feel exhausted. I'm 49 so it could be my hormones too.


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## LuckyM (Apr 8, 2018)

There are so many possible reasons for being tired, fatigued,
genetic and environmental--I don't think anyone can say yes or no.
Mental conditions like depression can cause tiredness and so can many
physical conditions. It might just be your diet.

Much of it is age related. I tire much more easily now than I did
when I was 20 years younger, or even 10 years ago.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'm saying this half kidding and half not kidding. Maybe the perception is that women are more tired because so many of them use it as an "excuse" not to have sex with their husband.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Livvie said:


> I'm saying this half kidding and half not kidding. Maybe the perception is that women are more tired because so many of them use it as an "excuse" not to have sex with their husband.


 This did make me chuckle, especially since there is scientific backing to the idea that having sex might actually make a woman less tired. The same thing with the old headache excuse. Sex can actually alleviate headache symptoms.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SpinyNorman said:


> Does your spouse complain about being tired more than you do? Do you have similar demands on your energy?


We don't have children, both work full-time. 

His commute is considerably longer than mine, which can be tiring, and his work is unpredictable. He has flexibility including working from home when he chooses. My work is more consistent in demands and energy, hours and location. I was asleep on the couch by 8pm this week. Short staffed, energized in the moment, but then ...zzzzz.

We each volunteer in different capacities, and while this demands of us, it can also be energizing. Currently our home responsibilities are pretty equal. I'm more likely to take care of daily tasks, while he takes care of projects. Our different work demands has influenced that dynamic. I'm starting a bachelors degree and with my study, he's suggested we consider a cleaner to help us, which I'm open to.

We need more sleep and better 'sleep hygiene', nutrition and exercise. Hormones can leave me feeling wiped out but no doubt lifestyle factors contribute to this. Admittedly I'm more likely to complain, he's more likely to take action without complaining.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I am almost 50 and female. I am tired at certain times during the month. So, i do think it hormonal. 

My husband have lots of energy but he works long hours . On his days off he is busy doing stuff he enjoys, so he has lots of energy. He also takes alot of supplements. 

I dont take supplements. I hate drinking pills.

So, i guess, its hormonal, how healthy are you and how mentally happy you are.


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## KM87 (Nov 5, 2017)

I absolutely need more sleep than my husband. We both rise quite early every morning and I always fall asleep sooner at night, and then he binges on Netflix and I'm left behind! 

For years my husband has worked the gamut of overnight shifts, closing shifts and opening shifts at different times so his sleep has been all over the place. He always adjusts and is able to keep going. I don't know how he does it. Even if I manage a "full night" of 6-7 hours (can't remember the last time that happened!) I'm still wiped out well before him. I am 9 yrs younger and definitely more fit also.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

For ME emotional and mental fatigue hits me more than physical, like exercise or strenuous work. DH has an easier time prioritizing R&R and fun stuff to invigorate himself that I do.


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## metaldad (May 23, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> For ME emotional and mental fatigue hits me more than physical, like exercise or strenuous work. DH has an easier time prioritizing R&R and fun stuff to invigorate himself that I do.


Yeah, the emotional/mental exhaustion is what does me in, too.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

It does seem to be a female issue especially 40s and older. 

But of course there can be other factors at play. An overweight out of shape guy could easily be more fatigued than a woman of the same age who is fit. 

Also depends on nutrition that's a BIG one.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

A lot of thoughtful answers, some of which I really hadn't thought about.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

stillfightingforus said:


> My STBXW could get 10 hours of sleep and still be tired.
> 
> I only needed about 4-5 to be refreshed each day


*My RSXW could get in a full 10 hours of sleep and still be too tired to have sex ... except for any man other than her husband!*


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

SpinyNorman said:


> I seem to hear more women complain about being tired than I do men, and am curious if it's just me. I didn't notice this before I was 40 and most of the people I talked to were as well.
> 
> What do readers think? Does your spouse complain about being tired more than you do? Do you have similar demands on your energy?
> 
> Ladies, I hope it doesn't sound like I'm picking on you, if there is such an effect it may well be due to hormonal differences. This just seems like a good place to gather some data.


Women, as a rule, work MUCH harder than men.

Yeah, I said it.

We're expected to work full time jobs *AND* do the lion's share of the domestic chores/cooking/cleaning/laundry at home AND do the lion's share of the child raising, as well. Most women are exhausted by the time they drop into bed and for a lot of them, their husbands spent most of the evening on their dead asses playing on their phones or computers, or watching reruns of some god-awful guy show while his wife busted her ass from the minute she got home from work right up to bedtime.

And these same men whine how 'neglected' they are because their wives are too damned exhausted to turn into a sex kitten at 10 pm. 

The stats out there prove that women are STILL doing the overwhelming majority of the work at home while working outside the home on top of it. No wonder they're so damned tired.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

SpinyNorman said:


> A lot of thoughtful answers, some of which I really hadn't thought about.





She'sStillGotIt said:


> Women, as a rule, work MUCH harder than men.
> 
> Yeah, I said it.
> 
> ...


I wasn't complaining about the thoughtful answers, actually.


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