# M vs F in MC



## MAEPT10 (Oct 19, 2011)

Men that go to MC with their DW. Do you have a female or male therapist for your MC?


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

It's funny that you would ask this question now. We're not in MC, but over the weekend I was reading an article in a psychology magazine that said that in the case of infidelity, the sex of the therapist depends on which spouse cheated. If the husband cheated then the wife picks the therapist, and it's a female, if the wife cheated then the husband gets to pick the therapist, and it's usually a male. IRL I only know one couple in therapy because of infidelity, and this holds true for them.


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## MAEPT10 (Oct 19, 2011)

_if the wife cheated then the husband gets to pick the therapist, and it's usually a male._


Why is that?


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

Why does the wronged spouse get to pick, or why would a husband pick a male therapist?

The article seemed to say that the spouse who had cheated but wanted to remain married would offer to let the wronged spouse choose the therapist as a way to talk them into couseling as opposed to just rushing to divorce. 

The article said the people who took part in the survey felt that:
1. a therapist their same sex would relate better to their side of the situation, even though they knew intellectually that a therapist would be compelled to remain impartial 
2. it would be easier to talk about sexual issues with a therapist their same sex
At first I thought the idea of choosing a therapist by sex was ridiculous, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense to me.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

We had a female therapist.
We both cheated.


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## LimboGirl (Oct 28, 2011)

We started MC because I said it was that or I was leaving. I told him to pick the MC. Ours is a man. This has not been a problem for me. Actually I have talked to him about sex. I don't think my husband has. We live in an area where there are not many options, so I have seen him twice on my own. I have been more than satisfied.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I specifically chose a male MC. Primarily so that my wife would not feel the need to compete with or somehow upstage a woman. I myself don't care. I can talk to a woman about sex issues no problem, and my primary doc is a woman too. Women can be tougher on another woman, so imo it is not a realistic concern that one gender or the other would be necessarily likely to take one side or the other. A good therapist should be neutral and fair.


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## Voyager (May 23, 2011)

We started out with a female therapist and my wife was not at all committed to working things out. So that was a failure after one visit. When my wife's affairs came out and she decided she wanted to try after all, we started with another female MC who I chose and my wife started to see a female therapist of her choosing for IC. The MC didn't work so well so I started to see a male therapist as an individual counselor. He basically said that I was asking him to provide marriage counseling by proxy which he would not do. After about five sessions with the female MC (and my wife meeting once with my male counselor) we switched to him for our MC. He helped us a lot.


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## ren (Aug 1, 2011)

She cheated, I chose the therapist. I specifically picked a female therapist because I wanted someone she could identify with and feel as comfortable as possible opening up to, someone she would see as a peer but could also look up to as a kind of role model.
Fortunately I found the perfect therapist. She's around the same age, attractive and stylish in a very similar way, and has the kind of calm demeanor that comes across as deeply empathetic yet slightly distant. She's also damn good at her job.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My wife picked all ours. She fired them all too. And sued one. What I discovered is that control freaks don't want control, they want power, and no accountability. I could pick the therapist but it wouldn't have ended any different. Either you're willing to get along or you're not.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

I'mAllIn said:


> Why does the wronged spouse get to pick, or why would a husband pick a male therapist?
> 
> The article seemed to say that the spouse who had cheated but wanted to remain married would offer to let the wronged spouse choose the therapist as a way to talk them into couseling as opposed to just rushing to divorce.
> 
> ...


I was wronged and I chose the counselor and I chose a man.
It is my opinion that marriage counseling and the entire family justice system is gender biased toward women. I am more comfortable being treated unfairly by a man.


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