# Instant chemistry, 4-5 great dates, now feeling strange



## GAR (Apr 1, 2011)

Seperated 4+ months. We have a Property Settlement Agreement in place. We are moving full speed ahead with a divorce; no reconciliation talks at all. I felt ready to date so I did; I went out on 1-3 dates with 3-4 woman; no chemistry really.

I met someone online 5 weeks ago. She knows I am seperated. We chatted over email for 2 weeks; great chemistry, I found her very interesting and intriquing. We met, instant chemistry, instant WOW for both of us. 

We have been on 4-5 dates over 2+ weeks and each one was better than the last. The dates were 2-3 hours, meet for a drink after work kind of dates. Her job and mine really do not allow us to spend a lot of long periods together, which I like for now. Lots of good conversation, kissing, playing, talking, etc. I am not a touchy feeling affectionate person at all, I have been with her though and it feels great. She has 14 year old son and is divorced and has been for a long time. No drama at all that I can see or find. 

Literally in a matter of 24 hours I found myself feeling strange on our last date. Almost distant and I was picking out her physical flaws. I have done this in the past with 2-3 other woman (soon to be ex, other serious relationships) and I do not understand why I do it. This woman makes me laugh, I care about her, I like her and it's been wondeful...until last night and today. Today we spent our first day date together and I was feeling distant and not close. I forced myself to be affectionate and touchy feely knowing in the past I was not this way when I had this same feeling swith someone. it seemed to help but I still feel strange all of a sudden.

Part of me thinks I am trying to push her away; though I do not know why. I do not feel like she is a rebound. 

What's happening here? This has happened to me in the past; only with someone I start to feel close to though. I goes great for a few weeks and then I start to "break" them down finding their flaws. I do not like this and want to stop as I know it's not real. 

Anybody else ever feel this way? 

Thanks


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I've always seemed to do this with women I've had some kind of chemistry with. I think part of it is being the perfectionist, seeing those flaws and somehow my stupid repressive self conscious telling me its as good as I can get, which really does blind me if there is someone amazing. I can't expect someone to be perfect, but it seems unless they are really WOW I'm never going to feel that amazing 'lucky man" feeling. I also realize that my stupid repressive brain will also deny me the chance to even get close to someone that is really amazing, the closer to "perfection" the more intimidated I become and I respond poorly to that stress. My stbxw was pretty amazing, though I've realized selfish and now I'm trying to figure out if I "settled" for her and if so if it was fair to her, or if its just that we had that chemistry (I know we did at one point) and I pushed it away or if I was just wrong, or maybe she pushed it away?

Also now I'm soon to be single again, a little older, balding, not as in as good a shape I really notice the lack of connections or interest, or maybe its just that my inner stress and lack of passion is showing through (more than it used to) It is weird being this lonely again, it was lonely before but I kind of expected that things with stbxw would have somehow gotten better, had hope at least.

Anyways, it seems I have more than one issue going on, but if you figure out a way to get past noticing the flaws let me know what you did to be able to see the real person.


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