# Lost



## Gunslinger354 (May 10, 2019)

Hello, ive been married to my wife for 21 years now, we have 2 children but im starting to really think its time to leave even though im madly in love with her. I will list the reasons or issues thats been going on
1. Our oldest son (19yr) is autistic and has seizures....Tons of stress
2. My wife is constantly sick, i cant tell you last time she felt good
3. If i tell her i have a pain of some sort ,she responds by saying hers hurts too! No matter what it is! I swear i could say my penis hurts and she would say hers too
4.shes had so many surgeries i cant even count
Meanwhile shes 41, but with every one ,if there is a worst case scenario she will have it
5. She graduated with a masters in nursing to be a nurse practioner (youd see her if the dr is busy) but she started having black out spells and cant work , after we spent 100k for schooling
6. Spends money like shes the one making it ,to the point i have to push bills till the next month
7. Constantly asking friends to do things for her, like pick her up at hospital,pick syuff up at store. I just feel its inopropriate
8. Makes plans or agrees to be somewhere then the day of cancels and throws me in to take her place. Like major things. Example ..she was to go to social security office for our son to get disability for him.. appointment scheduled months in advance....canceled it because she had to go to the ER for a "bad" head ache
9.doesnt cook or clean and constantly asks (more like tells) the kids to do them
10. Sex..(lack of) she had major knee surgery on jan 2 this year (had three on same knee ladt year cuz of the worst case scenario i mentioned) soooo she was just getting mobile last month when she started having back issues. Turns out she had a collapsed disc , that was middle of april , well she had to go back in for surgery this past week cuz of bone fragments pushing on nerves(again worst case scenario) . So now she cant lay on her back or take jarring due to spinal surgery and cant get on knees due to knee surgery. So no sex this year but once and she star fished.
But honestly before that maybe 10 times a year
I love her to death but honestly what is she doing for me? No cooking,no cleaning, no sex, always sick, spends or costs tons of money, wasted college degree, 
O and a annoying thing shes done is she will sit in her chair and wait for someone to get up to get her something instead of just getting it for herself.
Shes totalled two cars within a month causing our insurance to be so high we cant afford to get our daughter a car, we pay 360 a month! When she was working, shes been fired over two dozen (no lie) for unattendance ,calling off sick (she was a RN ) 
So am i wrong for being upset? Idk what to do as i said i do love her its just i dont know what im getting back other than stress and heartache


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Does she have addiction issues with pain pills?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Sorry you're here, but welcome. 

It almost isn't a question, forgive me if I'm wrong; what type of pain pills is she taking? (Please don't say if this is too invasive a question, it's not my intent to ask too much)


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Wow, she is a total leech. She gives absolutely ZERO as a partner. You realize that this isnt going to change, right? Even her medical issues aside, she just sounds like an all around lazy, horrible person. Do you really want to live the rest of your life being her father, her slave, her money machine, her whipping boy? Anything but her actual husband? Because THIS is it, you are looking at the rest of your life.

Dude if I were you, I would end this. Life is too short to live this way.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Can this really be "ended" without continuing the stress cycle? The autistic 19 year old w/seizures will continue to need care. And ditching the wife will likely create massive & ongoing expenditures via alimony, and it's likely that 21 years of marriage will have left some sense of continuing obligation even when that's exactly what's wanted removed from the plate. 

Long way of saying, with you out of the picture, what happens to everyone else? How much of it can you just shrug off and say "It's now someone else's problem?" If you're financially well enough off, then sure, go for it!


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## SecondWind (May 10, 2019)

If your wife is really that injured and sick for such a length of time it would take a toll in her and everyone around her. What does her Dr. say about all of it? Is she seeing a psychiatrist? Is she a hypochondriac or are all her ailments real? If they are real, you need to buck up and have a heart to heart that you are getting worn out and need her help figuring out a plan to get her healthy.


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## LimaTango (May 7, 2019)

Oof. This sounds like a terrible situation to be in. But she's definitely using you and you have a right to be upset. 

Have you given her an ultimatum? Or let her know xyz must change or you're considering divorce?


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