# Pissed off



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

So my husband has been snoring more and more lately. I'm a very light sleeper so I usually go in my stepson's room when he's with his mom. Tonight we have a full house with three kids a d his parents. His mom is on the upstairs couch. He was snoring SO loud, I had a fan on and ear plugs in and still couldn't sleep. I woke him and asked him to go downstairs and sleep on the couch so I could get a good night's sleep. I have to be up at 6 to go to work. He basically just refused by not answering then got mad because he snores so loud. 
I'm fuming. I get to sleep on this crappy ass couch all night when I have to be up in six hours and he doesn't give a rat's ass. 
What the f. It's not my fault he snores.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nomoretogive (Oct 29, 2011)

OMG, I can sympathize with you!! My H snores so loud, I can hear him downstairs, over fans, dogs, kids, et cetera. I seriously don't understand how someone can make that much noise sleeping. Sleep is supposed to be a quiet, peaceful thing, not sound like....whatever that noise is that comes out of him. 

And I know all about sleeping on the couch to get away from it. I did it for three years and have the back pain to prove it. Never mattered that, like you, I had to be up in the morning on days when he didn't and I really needed to get some good sleep. He was not going to leave the bed. It was more, "If you don't like it, you sleep downstairs." 

I can't figure out why, if they know it's such a problem that we start moving to the couch to avoid it they don't do something about it. I have brought home Breathe Right strips, snoring spray, lozenges, the whole nine yards. He won't use any of it. Of course, my H is passive-aggressive and I'm sure it's just another way he's going to "show me." 

I can understand your being ticked off to no end, it's ridiculous how mad they get at US when THEY are the ones snoring. How dare we complain that they are keeping us up. Whatever. Hopefully, though, you will be able to get "some" sleep on the couch, versus the other alternative of tossing and turning all night long in the bed as you contemplate whether you should suffocate him with a pillow or shove a sock in his mouth!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your husband probably has sleep apnea. He should go to see a doctor about the snoring and get a sleep test. There are things that can be done.

Sleep apnea is a real health risk.


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## nomoretogive (Oct 29, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Your husband probably has sleep apnea. He should go to see a doctor about the snoring and get a sleep test. There are things that can be done.
> 
> Sleep apnea is a real health risk.


Absolutely agree with this; the trouble, though, is convincing them that they need to go get it checked out! 

My dad snores just as bad and while he was in the hospital recently for a bad bout of pneumonia and hooked up to oxygen 24/7 we noticed that he didn't snore hardly at all. Talked to his family doc, took him for a sleep study, and it was sleep apnea all along. I actually just did a deposition of one of the leading sleep apnea physicians in the country, and it's scary how dangerous sleep apnea can be!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nomoretogive said:


> Absolutely agree with this; the trouble, though, is convincing them that they need to go get it checked out!
> 
> My dad snores just as bad and while he was in the hospital recently for a bad bout of pneumonia and hooked up to oxygen 24/7 we noticed that he didn't snore hardly at all. Talked to his family doc, took him for a sleep study, and it was sleep apnea all along. I actually just did a deposition of one of the leading sleep apnea physicians in the country, and it's scary how dangerous sleep apnea can be!


I have sleep apnea and have used a cpap machine for year now. With out it apparently I snore horribly. 

One thing that the OP might be able to do is to get a recording of his storing. This might go a long way in convincing him that he's got a problem. And get him to read materal about sleep apnea on the internet.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

diwali123,

Is your husband tired all the time?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

He usually doesn't snore like this, not this loud. 
He barely ever used to snore. Then he went to a dr for his sinus pain and he told him to stop taking so much sudafed. So then he started snoring more. Then his dentist said his pain is from clenching his jaw so she gave him a muscle relaxant to take at night. He didn't snore at all while he took that. He ran out and won't get it refilled. He gets headaches almost every day. He has an appt with a neurologist on Wednesday. 
I am so not happy with him. Get a clue. I might go stsy at a hotel tomorrow night. Someone else is making noises too. I think his dad is talking in his sleep. Really loudly,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

My H never snored the first 18 years of our marriage, over the last couple of years, his snoring is bombastic. He does have sleep apnea but refuses to go the sleep clinic and get on a machine. 

So last year, I sold some jewelry (we are both out of work at this time) and bought a queen sized bed (clearance model) and moved into the spare room. I am in heaven. But it is also a bad thing. Not being able to sleep with my husband has hurt our intimacy, made into room mates instead of a married couple. 

So snoring is not just a little problem, it can cause tons of problems that neither spouse see coming. He is not snoring on purpose and it seems awful to get angry at THEM for something they cannot control. But that doesn't make it any easier.'

I have seen those sleep masks for people with sleep apnea, and I must say that they look like the most uncomfortable things!!! Hopefully someday I will be able to sleep with my husband, for now, I sleep with my dog.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm not mad that he snores. I'm mad that he knew I has to be up at 6 and he refused to go downstairs and so I had to sleep on the couch. I got maybe 5 hours of sleep, my back hurts. I have my period really bad and had to trek back upstairs in the middle of the night to deal with it. I just don't know what he is thinking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi diwali ~

Sorry you got a rotten night's sleep. I hate when that happens.

Have you tried to defuse the frustration by talking with your spouse about setting up a sleep 'triage', as in an agreement that whoever has the most need for sleep (such as whoever has to get up early for an appointment, or whoever is legitimately ill) gets to have the bed?

I agree sleeping separately does a number on intimacy, and hopefully he can get some kind of resolution on why he is snoring so loudly. Maybe you will have to take turns as to who gets the bed and who gets the couch, and rotate each night so that both of you get to be sleep-deprived. 

An interim option, instead of a crappy couch, is to invest in a blow-up mattress. There are ones available that aren't real expensive.

Best wishes.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Ah, the loss of sleep! It makes everything so much worse, doesn't it? 

Will you go to the neurologist with him? Can you trust him to bring up the snoring issue with his doctor? Can you get his Rx refilled? 

I'd be livid if he had a solution (the pills) and wouldn't use it. But loss of sleep is pretty much the only thing that makes me that emotional, I have to say.

Other temporary solution: make a much better place for you/him to sleep. Sounds like it was an unusal set of circumstances, and you probably should have insisted he move (b/c he didn't have to go to work, right?). Don't blame him if you could have made him move--I don't know your relationship, but I know darn well the tendency I had to give up on h/ex and then blame him. Not useful. Next time be so annoying that he moves, and you get the bed. Let him know it is not acceptable for him to hog the good bed when you are the one who has to go to work early. 

But yea, he needs to be seen by his doc for sleep apnea. It is life threatening. Be sure to mention that to him! Not to scare him, but to make him take it seriously.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Did you consider that he meant no malice? You ever been "attacked" in the middle of the night during a deep sleep? It's kind of hard to hold someone accountable for being super polite and rational under those circumstances. And it's not like he cursed you out, he just didn't answer (because he was sleeping) and got cranky. I'd cut the guy a break to be honest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

No he got mad and yelled "I don't know why I snore so loud!" if his parents hadnt been there I would have kicked his ass put of bed but I didn't want to make a scene and embarrass him. 
We have an air mattress. His dad was sleeping on it. I would have gone to lay with my daughter but she snores, grinds her teeth and talks in her sleep. 
He apologized and said he wasn't thinking clearly. He is going to ask the doctor about sleep apnea. It might be related to his headaches and tiredness. 
He's only 37, geez. 
I was already annoyed about other things and having to work on the weekend. It was a bad week and I just wanted to sleep. 
I told him I'm sorry but I'm taking a nap when I get home, I know it's antisocial and his parents are here but I'm about to fall asleep at my desk. 
I'm not playing mommy/nurse with a man ever again. I told him that before we got married, if he can't take care of his own health it's a deal breaker. I already have one child and two stepsons, I am not going to check up on him and pick up prescriptions and make sure he takes his medicine because he's too stubborn to do it. I spent fourteen years doing that with my ex. Never again!!!!! 
I mean yeah if something happens and he wants me to go along or needs help getting the prescription yeah. But I'm not picking it up because he's too lazy or stubborn. Uh uh. 
I'm sooooo tired.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes, sleep apnea can have eveything to do with his tiredness and headaches.

Most people are not aware of sleep apnea and so do not consider it. So don't be too hard on him for not thinking of it.

If your daughter snores and grinds her teeth in her sleep she has sleep issues as well. She might have sleep apnea as well.

Age is not necessarily a factor in sleep apnea and other sleep issues.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

diwali, I used to "snore" too for a couple years and I got relegated to the spare room so my W (now ex) could sleep. It started around the time I had a really bad flu and strep throat, all congested but the congestion never went away, after a few months went to see doc he said it was inflamed, I had chronic sinusitus, prescribed nasonex I used that and also went on prednisone for a while - the prednisone took the swelling way down was able to breath again, but as soon as I stopped it came back. After a year of that finally asked him to send me to ENT who said right away I have a deviated septum that may have caused the inflamation from improper air flow, went on 18 month waitlist for surgery, during which the ENT also discovered massive nasal polyps that were protuding into the back of my throat. Once I got all this surgically removed I have not "snored" again - I wasn't ever really snoring in the first place I was literally choking, and for that 3+ year ordeal I was going on about 3 hours of broken sleep a night, it took a big toll on everything in my life.

Get your H to see a doc and if doc can't fix to get referral to a well-rated ENT (Ear Nose Throat) specialist.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> He usually doesn't snore like this, not this loud.
> He barely ever used to snore. Then he went to a dr for his sinus pain and he told him to stop taking so much sudafed. So then he started snoring more. Then his dentist said his pain is from *clenching his jaw *so she gave him a muscle relaxant to take at night. He didn't snore at all while he took that. He ran out and won't get it refilled. He gets headaches almost every day. He has an appt with a neurologist on Wednesday.
> I am so not happy with him. Get a clue. I might go stsy at a hotel tomorrow night. Someone else is making noises too. I think his dad is talking in his sleep. Really loudly,
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would be more concerned about this then his snoring. Bruxism can lead to major dental problem's.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Your husband probably has sleep apnea. He should go to see a doctor about the snoring and get a sleep test. There are things that can be done.
> 
> Sleep apnea is a real health risk.


:iagree::iagree:

I snore very loudly. What a humiliating habit for a woman to have; my husband dumped me when we were dating the first night we slept in the same bed because of it. 

I used to sleep on the couch to give him a break. Now that we have a larger bed, my husband says he does not notice the snoring as much and he does not wear earplugs anymore. 

My best friend once woke me when she slept over, because she said I sounded like I was choking. I know I need a sleep study, but I am tired of doctors and medical treatments. I have been sick in some way since I was a toddler and then as an adult. I don't want yet another diagnosis.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> :iagree::iagree:
> 
> I snore very loudly. What a humiliating habit for a woman to have; my husband dumped me when we were dating the first night we slept in the same bed because of it.
> 
> ...


Sleep apnea can cause heart attacks and other serious medical problems. It can even cause weight gain. I understand you being tired of docs and diagnosis, but this is an easy one.. no needles, no pills, no procedures.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

It could result in a CPAP machine, which I don't want to lug around and have to explain to people. I know the risks and I still tired of having to visit medical professionals; I already have to see my doctor four times a year and I am on daily medication which has had terrible side effects. 

I feel very cheated when it comes to my health; all of my brothers are perfectly healthy and I wonder what I did to deserve being ill all the time.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

My husband snores really loudly to the point where I worry about his health and say so but he doesn't want to do anything about it. You can hear him from miles away to the point where my kids will complain.

I'm not sure why it has never bothered me. I've come to think of it as a comforting noise and think it actually helps me sleep. I can't imagine being in a marriage/partnership and not sleeping in the same bed. I would think that would destroy the relationship's intimacy fairly quickly.

I recognize his snoring is driving you crazy but I'm wondering if the stress in your life isn't helping you out either? Sounds pretty stressful to have a house full of guests and still have to get up at 6am for work. I'd be really uncomfortable and antsy with or without snoring if I were in your position. If you add to that a feeling that your husband doesn't recognize what you're going through...and voila, anger and frustration every day. Yuck!

I say get help for the snoring because it's in your hub's best interest but I wonder if you should also get a little more control over the household arrangements too and get some understanding from everyone about the fact that you do get up at 6am to work and are having a rough time too. If your husband was empathetic towards your situation I think you'd be a little more empathetic towards his. It sounds like he might be in some real pain and you feel miserable which is leading to your complete disconnect from one another.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My husband's snoring is directly linked to his alcohol consumption.

Does your husband drink?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Ugh.. been there, some really ugly fights have started because of this very issue  he claims he doesn't remember me asking him to move to the couch, and I've moved to the couch myself, but sometimes I just want to sleep in my bed, especially if I slept on the couch the night before! 

We've calmed down and discussed it on occasion and for now I nudge him to get him to turn over. He's usually pretty good about it. Just something that works for us.
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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I've talked to her pediatrician and two dentists and they said the teeth grinding was fine. She also has asthma and sensory processing problems, and I feel like there's only so much I can push at a time. It's a struggle dealing with both of those things and getting her the help she needs at school and from providers. 
I usually ask him to turn over but the other night it didn't matter what position he was in. Also he snores less when he has had a beer or two. 
I snore sometimes too. If he asked me to go to another room I would.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

snoring can be a sign of health related problems and he should be checked out by a doctor..........But I personaly think its wat over diagnosed thoese doctors need to make more money.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

My husband snores but only when he faces me in bed. I thought that maybe it was just him laying on his left that caused it then so we switched sides in bed. Wouldn't you know he started snoring while on his right side facing me again. Drives me nuts. Sometimes I picture the ceiling fan falling on him (not killing him just something to startle him) A good nudge to the ribs gets him to flip over facing away from me but sometimes I have to do this several times during the night. Sometimes I get so desparate for sleep when i get him to flip over I lay on his back to prevent him from rolling over again lol.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

It's not his fault he snores either.

You two need to get a comfy couch.....

And nights that the snoring is too much for you, then sleep on the comfy couch.

(or get a second bedroom, just for yourself.) You would be surprised how many married couples have separate bedrooms.. and NOT because they are fighting. This might be a life saver idea for your marriage, AND for your future hearing.

(My hubby snores, and I am almost deaf in the ear that is not buried to my pillow each night.)


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