# 38 Weeks Pregnant; Still Smoking Pack and a Half



## positivity (May 1, 2014)

Wife and I both smoke (my bad). I want to quit and have been wanting to for quite some time. I started smoking again months after meeting her. We got pregnant and she tried to quit but failed, ultimately we lost the child. I don't necessarily think it was due to smoking. 
After, I asked her to promise to quit if we were to get pregnant again. *She agreed*. We are now at 38 weeks and shes still smoking a pack and a half a day. We are scheduled for a cesarean in a week. Trying to quit has caused a lot of friction between us. I have quit a few times but ultimately fail. It's considerably more difficult to quit when someones smoking like a chimney. 
I told her the time in the hospital would be a good opportunity to quit smoking. She basically just laughed. She said if I want to quit she won't stop me but shes not quitting. She is planning on breastfeeding as well. I told her if I quit I wouldn't support her habit and it would be up to her to get her own. She immediately said she would get a job and just formula feed. Later I asked her not to threaten me with taking away from the quality of life of our children. She said than don't threaten not to bring me cigarettes to the hospital.
This is the fourth child between us and all live at home. 

I feel quitting smoking is very important for many reasons.

1. It's irresponsible financially considering how strapped we are already (we roll our own)
2. It sets a bad example for the children.
3. I'm 32 and both of my parents had heart problems. One died of pancreatic cancer, the other a massive heart attack.
4. I am a widower and the only person qualified in my family to raise my children so I need to be there for them. 7 & 10
5. It's disgusting and I am upset with myself for not being strong enough and would appreciate quitting together.
6. It's overall selfish.

She claims its too hard and doesn't want to quit. I suggested marriage counseling but her attitude and anger won't allow her to engage in that setting. I have tried everything to help her but she inevitably fails or refuses to try. I've been nice, mean, confrontational, played the psychologist, manipulated, talked to, threatened, everything you can imagine.

I feel she is being very selfish and makes demands but will not follow through with the things she promises. I admit i can be difficult at times but I do listen. I am 32 and she is 23 just to be fair I understand the age gap and try to be patient knowing the difference. However I feel that smoking is a priority to her and ultimately everyone else's needs or requirements come second. Her upbringing has a lot to do with it but I remain patient and understanding. I almost think she would choose smoking over me given the option.

She has tried E-cigarettes, cold turkey, and hypnosis. It's always just too hard. 

Looking for quality feedback. No name calling or being accusational.


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## asandsnake (May 1, 2014)

I didn't vote. I don't know what I would do. But, I think the level of irresponsilbity/ immaturity your wife is demonstrating might be hard to fix.

I quit the day I found out I was pregnant with my daughter because it was no longer about me, you know?

I think that you need to take steps to make yourself live a healthier life, regardless of what she does. Quit smoking. The sooner, the better. I would also ecourage you to educate her on exactly how she could be harming the baby. You can't make her do anything, though. And if you give an ultimatum, be prepared to have it backfire. Good luck.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I voted for the top 2 because I think you should quit and she may follow but also let her be because causing stress about the issue right after she just had a baby is going to make it harder for her to quit. She'll do it when she's ready, you'll have a really hard time trying to force it before she is.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Why does your wife love her cigs more than her baby? 

Because that is really what it is all about...loving her addiction and her needs more than the health of her child. 

Such a shame.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

Making someone quit smoking is not an easy thing to do.My father kept smoking even after being diagnosed with Emphysema,he passed away.My sister kept smoking after being diagnosed with emphysema and she passed away 2yrs ago.I smoked once when I was in the army and in Vietnam,but I attributed that to being in combat.When I got home I immediately quit.So by your quitting she just might follow your example.If she can't see the detriment to your baby,nothing you can say will change her mind.She sounds very selfish.You would think that her being the younger partner and pregnant she would be more aware for her health.Wish you the best of luck.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I've never smoked and never tried, but I know it's a very difficult addiction to overcome. Furthermore, she smoked when you married her so you can't change the rules all by yourself, and you certainly can't nag her into quitting. I can imagine that the stress of pregnancy along with a nagging husband (though well intentioned) makes it that much more difficult.

There's a certain daddy daughter dynamic going on here as well; you don't speak of your wife as an equal but as someone that's young/immature and you have to be patient. I suppose you didn't consider her maturity before you married her and had kids with her. It's nice when you get to sleep with someone young but eventually you have to deal with them. And fyi, anyone that knows my story knows that i'm 19 years younger than my hubby so it's not like I have issues with age differences.

At this point this is also a power play; you're a nagging daddy and she's a rebellious teenager who is not going to listen. Stop bringing it up and for the love of all things close your mouth until you successfully quit. I realize pregnant women are supposed to be held a standard of discipline that others can't or won't follow but life doesn't work like that.

Stop buying cigarettes. If she gets a job and formula feeds it's not the end of the world, esp if the alternative is breast feeding while smoking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You're not going to get her to stop smoking but you can set a good example.

Can't believe the ecigs and vapes don't work for her.... They work for everybody I've talked to.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> Why does your wife love her cigs more than her baby?
> 
> Because that is really what it is all about...loving her addiction and her needs more than the health of her child.
> 
> Such a shame.


This is a horrible thing to say. Many people struggle their entire lives to quit smoking and never do succeed. If it was as simple as just deciding one day to do it, no one would struggle. It has nothing to do with the health of the unborn child and everything to do with the addiction. Smoking during pregnancy does not guarantee that your child will have problems - many many babies are born to mothers who smoke and are perfectly fine.

Because it is EXTRA hard to quit when someone else in the house smokes, my suggestion is to try to get her to agree to quitting with you. If you both do it at the same time it will be much easier. Failing that, then you quitting as an example is the next best thing. Just don't lord it over her when you do it - there is NOTHING worse to someone struggling to quit than someone who already quit being all superior because they quit and you can't.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

By all means you need to quit. And she certainly should but you can't force her to. Why didn't she quit before she got pregnant if that was the deal? You would think being pregnant and the health of her child would have been enough to make her stop. It was for me. Yes, it's very, very hard to quit. The most difficult thing I ever did. 

Both my parents smoked and it killed them. I have lung damage due to my mother smoking while pregnant and also due to second-hand smoke growing up. I didn't smoke long enough to damage my lungs but I sure didn't help them. 

So please quit. And pray that she does. 

PS 
I doubt breast feeding while smoking is more beneficial than formula.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I would: 
Quit through the help of a hospital (I work at a cancer hospital and we have TONS of free help in quitting; so does the university down the road)
Not allow her to smoke in the house any time you are home (and yes, that includes taking it out of her hand and throwing it away)
Stop buying her cigarettes
Tell her entire family you're quitting and you need their help to get her to stop for the sake of the baby
Find the most disgusting literature you can get your hands on and keep giving it to her and showing it to her, so she can see what she's doing to her child
Take her to an emphysema ward at the nearby hospital


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

She has to want to quit! Smoking a pack and a half a day. I smoked during all my pregnancies, but I cut way down to 2 to 4 a day!

she will not be able to smoke while at the hospital (you cant here, anyway.) and a c section stay is 3 to 4 days!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I stopped my addiction to Pepsi when I had oral surgery, couldn't/didn't want to drink it for a good week. Once I was better, just didn't want it as much. Maybe being away a few days from it will help.


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> This is a horrible thing to say. Many people struggle their entire lives to quit smoking and never do succeed. If it was as simple as just deciding one day to do it, no one would struggle. It has nothing to do with the health of the unborn child and everything to do with the addiction. Smoking during pregnancy does not guarantee that your child will have problems - many many babies are born to mothers who smoke and are perfectly fine.


:iagree:

I smoke. I cut way, way back when I was pregnant but I was never able to quit it completely. My baby is 1 year old now and thriving.


OP, the more pressure you put on her to quit, the more you're just going to drive her to keep smoking. It's a vicious cycle. And calling her selfish when you haven't quit yourself is just going to damage your relationship. 

I'm gearing myself up to quit again. I've tried many times. You have to psych yourself up for it. One thing I know is that you can't do it for anyone else. You have to decide that you want to quit and that has to come from inside. But knowing that my husband loves me and is concerned about me and is there to support me has been helpful in starting to get me in the right frame of mind. If he were nagging me or calling me selfish, I don't think I could face it. It would just make me feel like a bad person. And when you're feeling low, what do you do? You reach for another cigarette because it's your coping mechanism.

Just keep telling her that you love her, that you want her to be around for a long time and that's why you're concerned. Let her know that if she gains weight (lots of people do) you'll still find her attractive - that's a big concern for a lot of women. 

And find things to do together to distract from the cigs. Take walks, go hiking, biking, take the kids to the park, etc. 

She doesn't smoke because she's a bad person. She smokes because she's addicted. Don't make this about her character (calling her selfish, etc) and don't punish her for it. 

Good luck on quitting yourself! :smthumbup:


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Pack and a half a day and pregnant.....that's outrageous.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I quit more than 35 years ago. I don't know if there were even aids to quitting in those days. I quit cold turkey. What helped was taking frequent very deep breaths. And telling myself that there was no circumstance on earth worth smoking another cigarette -- no matter what good thing or bad thing came my way. After a couple of weeks, I didn't miss them and began to feel better. It was absolutely the hardest thing I ever did. The addiction is horrendous. But it can be done.


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## positivity (May 1, 2014)

asandsnake said:


> I didn't vote. I don't know what I would do. But, I think the level of irresponsilbity/ immaturity your wife is demonstrating might be hard to fix.
> 
> I quit the day I found out I was pregnant with my daughter because it was no longer about me, you know?
> 
> I think that you need to take steps to make yourself live a healthier life, regardless of what she does. Quit smoking. The sooner, the better. I would also ecourage you to educate her on exactly how she could be harming the baby. You can't make her do anything, though. And if you give an ultimatum, be prepared to have it backfire. Good luck.


It is going to be difficult to fix. Issues similar to this are met with the same attitude. She understands the risk; she says its too difficult.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

That is just disgusting. Such a shame.

My wife quit smoking cigs and green the second she found out she was pregnant (first was at 18).

Thankfully we quick smoking cigs all together at 20. Worst habit/addiction we ever had (by far).

PS. I didn't quit when my daughter was born...she didn't need that. BUT if she didn't decide to quit, I would def do it with her. No question asked. And if she didn't quit, I would stay with her 24/7 and toss any cigs I would find all day long. 

Not under my watch, no way in hell.


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## positivity (May 1, 2014)

lisab0105 said:


> Why does your wife love her cigs more than her baby?
> 
> Because that is really what it is all about...loving her addiction and her needs more than the health of her child.
> 
> Such a shame.


What do you not understand about a productive conversation? Meaningful feedback? Comments like that show your true colors. That is unfair and a ridiculous accusation. You obviously don't have children, and if you do I would pay more attention to what you say lest they speak like you.


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

I have never smoked, but every other member of my immediate family did/does. My father died suddenly at age 55, my mom not long after at 56. Both of their deaths were directly attributed to their 2-pack a day habits. My dad always wanted to quit, but couldn't, because my mom would not. 

Sadly, it is true that you have to WANT to quit. It is so expensive and so unhealthy. Do all you can to push through the challenges of quitting, even if she won't. And insist that there is no smoking around children. EVER. Your kids need you, and you are shaving time off of your life with them. (Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I was in my 20's when my parents died. It sucked then, and it still sucks.)

You can't make her quit, but you can set an example and be healthy for your kids. And in the meantime, make it inconvenient for her. 

I remember once I saw my grandmother after I had moved out of my parents home. When I hugged her, she told me how good I smelled. She told me how sad it always made her when she would hug me when I was small, and smelled like I had been in a bar. Boy, did that ever open my eyes to an outside perspective! 

Whatever happens, best of luck to you!


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## positivity (May 1, 2014)

101Abn said:


> Making someone quit smoking is not an easy thing to do.My father kept smoking even after being diagnosed with Emphysema,he passed away.My sister kept smoking after being diagnosed with emphysema and she passed away 2yrs ago.I smoked once when I was in the army and in Vietnam,but I attributed that to being in combat.When I got home I immediately quit.So by your quitting she just might follow your example.If she can't see the detriment to your baby,nothing you can say will change her mind.She sounds very selfish.You would think that her being the younger partner and pregnant she would be more aware for her health.Wish you the best of luck.


I don't want to make her quit, I want he to do it on her own. I can quit easily as long as I'm not around it frequently.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Once you both agreed she would quit, she should have quit before you even started trying to get pregnant. 

THIS is helpful for people trying to quit just about anything.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

She needs to be shown how damn selfish she is being. What kind of parent cares more about cigarettes than her unborn baby? You also have kids in the house. Have the concerns of second hand smoke never been presented to the both of you?

Yes, I am a health freak and don't get the smoking thing. I smoked for a few months as a teen trying to "be cool" until I realized how dumb that was.


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## positivity (May 1, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> I've never smoked and never tried, but I know it's a very difficult addiction to overcome. Furthermore, she smoked when you married her so you can't change the rules all by yourself, and you certainly can't nag her into quitting. I can imagine that the stress of pregnancy along with a nagging husband (though well intentioned) makes it that much more difficult.
> 
> There's a certain daddy daughter dynamic going on here as well; you don't speak of your wife as an equal but as someone that's young/immature and you have to be patient. I suppose you didn't consider her maturity before you married her and had kids with her. It's nice when you get to sleep with someone young but eventually you have to deal with them. And fyi, anyone that knows my story knows that i'm 19 years younger than my hubby so it's not like I have issues with age differences.
> 
> ...


I agree it wouldn't be fair to change someone but being pregnant and making a promise should take precedence.

Daddy daughter dynamic to a certain degree perhaps but I am surprisingly fair and want an equal relationship. Really we get along quite well. It's these areas where we have issues, aside from that were peachy keen! 

There is a matter of maturity but simply put; the right thing to do is the right thing to do. Some are obvious, some are grey. I understand many of her principals and even if I don't agree with them I don't feel the need to try and alter someones core values.

Formula feeding may not be the end but it was her intention for the benefit of the baby. The fact that she would undermine that intention for a selfish desire is what makes it bad.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Maybe you could do this: Set up a special savings account. For one month, every day she smokes only one pack a day (I assume you control the money so you'll be able to verify), you put $10 into that savings account (you can do it electronically). For the next month, for every day she only smokes half a pack, you put $10 into that account. For the next month, every day she smokes only 2 cigarettes a day, you put $10 into that account. For the next month, every day she doesn't smoke at all, you put another $10 into the account. If she stays off for another month, you give her whatever is in the account at the end of the 5 months to spend on whatever she wants (except cigarettes!). At the end of a year, you'll match whatever was in that account.


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## positivity (May 1, 2014)

Nynaeve said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I smoke. I cut way, way back when I was pregnant but I was never able to quit it completely. My baby is 1 year old now and thriving.
> 
> ...


It doesn't matter if I'm nice or not. Shes VERY stubborn and it seems like she treats it like a part of her. She thinks she has the upper hand on the situation and I don't care about hands, just doing whats right. The only reason I feel shes being selfish is because shes not even trying to quit anymore. She will smoke at any activity. I can quit easily except when someones smoking around me.


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## positivity (May 1, 2014)

turnera said:


> Maybe you could do this: Set up a special savings account. For one month, every day she smokes only one pack a day (I assume you control the money so you'll be able to verify), you put $10 into that savings account (you can do it electronically). For the next month, for every day she only smokes half a pack, you put $10 into that account. For the next month, every day she smokes only 2 cigarettes a day, you put $10 into that account. For the next month, every day she doesn't smoke at all, you put another $10 into the account. If she stays off for another month, you give her whatever is in the account at the end of the 5 months to spend on whatever she wants (except cigarettes!). At the end of a year, you'll match whatever was in that account.


Yaaa... She doesn't think like that... Theres no positive reinforcement thats going to get her to quit. Plus she never cared about money in the first place. Thanks.


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## positivity (May 1, 2014)

bbdad said:


> She needs to be shown how damn selfish she is being. What kind of parent cares more about cigarettes than her unborn baby? You also have kids in the house. Have the concerns of second hand smoke never been presented to the both of you?
> 
> Yes, I am a health freak and don't get the smoking thing. I smoked for a few months as a teen trying to "be cool" until I realized how dumb that was.


I know perfectly well, which is why I'm pushy. We cook all our own meals, buy organic produce, etc... I used to work in a health food store and yes I realize how contradictory this is...


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## positivity (May 1, 2014)

MSP said:


> Once you both agreed she would quit, she should have quit before you even started trying to get pregnant.
> 
> THIS is helpful for people trying to quit just about anything.


Honeymoon happened... lol


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## positivity (May 1, 2014)

I want everyone to understand I'm posting on an issue and it does not mean we don't have a wonderful and loving marriage, because we do. We are very good for each other and are typically strong where the other is weak. We love each other very much so try not to read into this as a problem worthy of reflection of our relationship in its entirety.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

positivity said:


> Yaaa... She doesn't think like that... Theres no positive reinforcement thats going to get her to quit. Plus she never cared about money in the first place. Thanks.


Is there something she's wanted, like maybe for the baby or a house remodel or a trip with the baby to see relatives, that you could get her to strive for?


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> This is a horrible thing to say. Many people struggle their entire lives to quit smoking and never do succeed. If it was as simple as just deciding one day to do it, no one would struggle. It has nothing to do with the health of the unborn child and everything to do with the addiction. Smoking during pregnancy does not guarantee that your child will have problems - many many babies are born to mothers who smoke and are perfectly fine.
> 
> Because it is EXTRA hard to quit when someone else in the house smokes, my suggestion is to try to get her to agree to quitting with you. If you both do it at the same time it will be much easier. Failing that, then you quitting as an example is the next best thing. Just don't lord it over her when you do it - there is NOTHING worse to someone struggling to quit than someone who already quit being all superior because they quit and you can't.


No it isn't, it is the truth. I don't care what the addiction is, especially from a woman that sounds as nonchallant as this one does. I was on a ventilator for 3 months after I was born because my oh super selfish mother wouldn't quit. Smoking is a choice, and doing it while pregnant...makes it a selfish one. Now ask me what I think of parents who smoke with their kids in the car...


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

positivity said:


> It doesn't matter if I'm nice or not. Shes VERY stubborn and it seems like she treats it like a part of her. She thinks she has the upper hand on the situation and I don't care about hands, just doing whats right. The only reason I feel shes being selfish is because shes not even trying to quit anymore. She will smoke at any activity. I can quit easily except when someones smoking around me.


Well then it's time to back off and let her be. She's not in the right frame of mind. 

Honestly, it sounds like she's afraid to quit. It's very common for people to be afraid that if they quit smoking they won't know who they are anymore. I've experienced that fear myself. In a very real way it IS a part of her. It doesn't have to be and she CAN quit, but she doesn't believe that. So as long as she believes it's part of her identity, it is part of her identity. KWIM?

Also, you need to quit blaming her for you not quitting. If you can easily quit, then do it. I know - believe me, I_ know_ - that it's harder to quit when you're around someone else who smokes. But it's not her fault that you light up. When you blame her for your habit, you just pile on the judgment and make her dig her heels in.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

> We love each other very much so try not to read into this as a problem worthy of reflection of our relationship in its entirety.


I didn't think it was anything about the relationship. I just think she is selfish and cares more about her cigarettes than her children. I think that is VERY WRONG!! But, that is just my opinion. Your mileage may vary.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

positivity said:


> What do you not understand about a productive conversation? Meaningful feedback? Comments like that show your true colors. That is unfair and a ridiculous accusation. You obviously don't have children, and if you do I would pay more attention to what you say lest they speak like you.


I do have children, for your info and I hope they feel the same exact way about smoking as I do...especially about those that continue to do it while pregnant or around their children. It is an addiction they CHOSE to get into. I don't feel sorry for anyone that is having a problem quitting. I have seen people quit cold turkey (my parents) and others. 

Unfair??? No unfair is inhaling those gazillion chemicals while you have a growing person inside of you.


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

lisab0105 said:


> I do have children, for your info and I hope they feel the same exact way about smoking as I do...especially about those that continue to do it while pregnant or around their children. It is an addiction they CHOSE to get into. I don't feel sorry for anyone that is having a problem quitting. I have seen people quit cold turkey (my parents) and others.
> 
> Unfair??? No unfair is inhaling those gazillion chemicals while you have a growing person inside of you.


OP's wife is gonna have the baby next week. It's too late for her not to smoke during this pregnancy.

So, do you think maybe you could get off your soap box and add something constructive here? Because the judgmentalism isn't going to help anyone.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Nynaeve said:


> OP's wife is gonna have the baby next week. It's too late for her not to smoke during this pregnancy.
> 
> So, do you think maybe you could get off your soap box and add something constructive here? Because the judgmentalism isn't going to help anyone.


Nah, I am always 100% on the soap box when it comes to this. But you are right, too late now. Lets hope the baby comes out fine, because a lot of times, they don't and that would be a heartbreaking shame all in the name of cigarettes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

positivity,

The end of a pregnancy is a terrible time to expect anyone to stop smoking. It's apparently hard enough when not a person is not pregnant.

You know that her smoking during pregnancy is terrible. You both smoking around the children is terrible. So you have to work on this 

I don't smoke. In 2000 I married a guy (45 yrs old) who smoked his entire adult life. His mother was a smoker. When I married him, he agreed to smoke outside and never in the house. He did that for a long time. Then somehow, slowly moved into smoking in the house.

I cannot handle the smoke, it was making me sick. He claimed that he was smoking outside, but he'd do it in the house anytime I was not around.. like when I was at work or asleep or in the other room. I told him to either stop or leave. He did try to stop several times but it was hard. 

Last year I bought him an ecigarette. I know someone who has been using them for a while. So that person was able to suggest the right kind of ecig and fluid for him. It's been month since he had a regular cigarette. It was a bit challenging for the first month, but since then he says that once ever few weeks he has a urge for a read cig, but that goes away very quickly.

He's gone from using a fluid with a level of nicotine equal to about 1.5 packs a day to now using about .5 packs a day. He says that he's not even consciously working to reduce the level of nicotine. He just is getting to the point where he does not crave it as much.

Even though he's using the ecig, he's been experiencing the things that people do when they quit smoking... food tastes better, he can smell things, he no longer has a cough, his lungs are clearing up.

I few years ago he quit with the patches. It was hard on him and hard on everyone else 'cause he was a grouch about it. Then he re-started when his sister came to visit and she smoked around him.. that was the end of it.

Maybe you can get two ecigs.. one for each of you. That way you can both work quitting tighter but still get your nicotine and slowly taper off. 

One of the good things about ecigs is that you don't get all the nasty chemicals that are in the smoke of regular cigarettes.

This might be a way you can get her to slowly quit, but in the mean time at least avoid the smoke and other chemicals associated with cigarettes.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

lisab0105 said:


> No it isn't, it is the truth. I don't care what the addiction is, especially from a woman that sounds as nonchallant as this one does. I was on a ventilator for 3 months after I was born because my oh super selfish mother wouldn't quit. Smoking is a choice, and doing it while pregnant...makes it a selfish one. Now ask me what I think of parents who smoke with their kids in the car...


Wife's mother did the same thing.....along other things (alcohol......drugs.....)

What a mother.....


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ecigs is not a bad idea. Why not buy one for both of you?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

turnera said:


> ecigs is not a bad idea. Why not buy one for both of you?


It's a HORRIBLE idea. Ecigs are probably worse than Cigs.......


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## Willowlake (Mar 18, 2014)

Au Contraire DoF-

E-cigs should never even be compared to cigarettes, they have nothing in common. The juice used in e-cigs is made of food grade propylene glycol (PG), food grade vegetable glycerin (VG), artificial food flavorings and USD FDA approved liquid nicotine based in either the PG or VG. All of which can be bought online perfectly legally. Or you can go the nicotine free route and go to walmart and purchase the remaining ingredients there. I make my own e-juice right here at home.

There have been no long term studies done on e-cigs since they've only been around for about a decade but the short term studies recently done have shown that the vapor emitted by e-cigs is harmless to both the person vaping as well as any bystanders. The vapor produced is not smoke and contains none of the documented toxic substances (over 4000 of them) found in cigarette smoke. 

There are fantastically ignorant rumors in abundance about e-cigs though. One popular rumor is that one of the ingredients in e-cigs is also found in anti-freeze. Propylene glycol is an indgredient used in some types of antifreeze, such as the kind used in food processing systems and water pipes. 

Wikipedia states:



> As confirmation of its relative non-toxicity, the FDA allows propylene glycol to be added to a large number of processed foods, including ice cream, frozen custard, and baked goods.


Vaping is an absolutely wonderful new invention that can and will destroy the tobacco industry as we know it. 

Just remember that vaping may look like smoking but is not. Water looks just like Vodka but is not.


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## Willowlake (Mar 18, 2014)

positivity- if you and your wife are interested I can give you all kinds of leads on juice and equipment. I highly recommend not bothering with the e-cigs made by the tobacco companies, the kind sold at gas stations and 7-elevan, they are awful and have a high failure rate. And they are ridiculously priced. Don't waste your time or money. Pm with any questions. 

I was able to quit smoking after 28 years and had almost zero withdrawal symptoms.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Poor baby

Why do people like this even decide to breed.

I'm serious.

For some reason, they go on to have several children.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

My mother, a nurse, smoked while she was pregnant with me. She quit when she had my three brothers. All of them are taller than me. I started smoking in my teens and struggled quitting and starting several times. In the end, I managed to go cold turkey on nicotine in all forms.

Smoking damages the body in many ways. Causes impotence. Clubbing of the fingernails.

You will not succeed in quitting if you do not replace smoking with exercise. You need to workout hard for an hour every day.

I don't think a former smoker and smoker can easily stay married. The smell will drive you crazy.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My mom didn't know any better, back in the 50s. By the time she was 65, she had emphysema. She finally quit when she could no longer walk across her apartment without having to sit down. Her last 2 years (died at 72), she never left her place because it was too hard to just go down the hall. We had to do her shopping for her, clean her place, feed her cats. Her one big event every day was walking down the hall to get to the dining hall for lunch, and then back up to her apartment again. Took her about 3 hours every day just to do that.

THAT is what you have to look forward to.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Willowlake said:


> Au Contraire DoF-
> 
> E-cigs should never even be compared to cigarettes, they have nothing in common. The juice used in e-cigs is made of food grade propylene glycol (PG), food grade vegetable glycerin (VG), artificial food flavorings and USD FDA approved liquid nicotine based in either the PG or VG. All of which can be bought online perfectly legally. Or you can go the nicotine free route and go to walmart and purchase the remaining ingredients there. I make my own e-juice right here at home.
> 
> ...


You must be hiding under a rock or something:
Electronic cigarettes can be dangerous, even if you don't smoke them - latimes.com

Vaping TOXIC CHEMICALS can't possibly be healthy.

It's ONE thing to vape PURE TOBACCO with no chemicals etc and WHOLE another animal to do that with "who knows what".

Personally, I wouldn't trust a company with main business purpose/objective to keep you addicted. And CLEARLY they are putting stuff into these "cartridges" that are addictive.......and that's only based on what they tell ya.

As far as I'm concerned, they can put whatever the hell they want in there.

ECigs = not a solution to quitting. Only changing addiction to another product. Products that we don't know well enough YET to say "it's safe" and all the fingers point to "not safe AT ALL" right now.

If you want to do it healthy, get a vaporizer (I have one but use it for other "purposes") and try to obtain pure tobacoo (if that's your thing).


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You mean like cigarettes and their hundreds of chemicals?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I don't know of anything that you inhale into your lungs, except pure air, that is actually BENEFICIAL to your health. There's probably SOMEthing, but it sure isn't tobacco, marijuana, or ecigs. And since pure air is pretty hard to come by these days, just breathing is probably toxic for most of the worlds population.

Arguing about ecigs vs tobacco cigs is just silly.


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## Willowlake (Mar 18, 2014)

Yeah I've pretty much read it all DoF. There are dangers to almost everything though. Batteries in ecigs can melt down causing injury. Yep, and batteries in anything else can melt down and cause injury. The liquid nicotine is not supposed to go into the eye but neither is dish detergent or ant spray, but guess what? Stuff happens. I could drop my e-cig on my toe and break my toe, does that mean ecigs are dangerous, in this case yeah but then my hand vac could be considered dangerous too if I drop it on my foot. Should hand vac's be made illegal? No? Why not?

E-cigs are a solution to quitting, I've personally talked to hundreds of people who have done so and have experienced it myself. Is vaping perfectly harmless? We don't know yet. No one can say either way with absolute certainty. In the mean time I'll be keeping a watchful eye on my hand vac.

Is vaping just replacing one habit for another? For some yes and for others no. There is no black and white, just as it is with everything else.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Willowlake said:


> E-cigs are a solution to quitting, I've personally talked to hundreds of people who have done so and have experienced it myself.


How is <insert ANYTHING> a solution to quitting when you are just taking on another habit/addiction.

Can you answer that for me?

It has nothing to do with cigs or Ecigs or whatever, it has EVERYTHING to do with being addicted to SOMETHING.

So you call doing Ecigs quiting, to me, you simply changed the label of your addiction.



And if you want to take risks with your health with Ecigs, be my guest. Don't let me stop you. It has 0 effect on me and I could care less. 

I still think vaping PURE tobaco = much healthier/better for you than ecig. Ingesting ANY chemicals can't be good for you.


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## Willowlake (Mar 18, 2014)

DOF-

When you begin vaping you start out at say 24 milligrams of nicotine per ml of the flavored base. You start out with a higher nicotine content to make the switch over to vaping as smooth as possible. Once you feel you are ready to go down to a lower nicotine level you do so. I personally started out at 24mg/ml and worked my way down to 18mg/ml. Then I went to 12 mg/ml, which is were I'm at now. The next step down would be 6 mg/ml then perhaps 2, then zero. Then one day your done. No more vaping. Thousands and thousands of people have done this. 

People have quit via vaping, thousands of people. Then there are people who continue vaping zero nicotine liquids because they just enjoy doing so. Some people have a hard time giving up the tactile part of it all so continue to vape zero nicotine indefinitely. 

I see that you are very passionate about pure tobacco. I can respect that. I don't know enough about pure tobacco so can't really converse with you about it.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Willowlake said:


> DOF-
> 
> When you begin vaping you start out at say 24 milligrams of nicotine per ml of the flavored base. You start out with a higher nicotine content to make the switch over to vaping as smooth as possible. Once you feel you are ready to go down to a lower nicotine level you do so. I personally started out at 24mg/ml and worked my way down to 18mg/ml. Then I went to 12 mg/ml, which is were I'm at now. The next step down would be 6 mg/ml then perhaps 2, then zero. Then one day your done. No more vaping. Thousands and thousands of
> people have done this.
> ...


I understand but people have also quit cigs this way as well.

personally I quit cold turkey and that worked great.



Willowlake said:


> I see that you are very passionate about pure tobacco. I can respect that. I don't know enough about pure tobacco so can't really converse with you about it.


I'm not passionate about pure tobacco, I just think its 10x better than chemicals these companies put into their products to keep you coming back......


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## Willowlake (Mar 18, 2014)

> I'm not passionate about pure tobacco, I just think its 10x better than chemicals these companies put into their products to keep you coming back......


I make my own. There are people who even know how to naturally extract nicotine from pure tobacco for their vaping pleasure. Now they are really gung-ho!


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

This makes me so, so angry. I was a smoker for along time, I haven't had a cigarette in over a year. I know how hard it is. 
I have friends who smoke who, when became pregnant, couldn't quit, but did cut down to one or two cigarettes a day.
To be pregnant and smoke a pack and a fu**ing half a day (excuse my french) is....I don't even want to say it. It makes me sick, and it makes me so sad for that unborn baby. I don't know if there is anything more selfish a person could do.


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

I thought of this thread and all of the people struggling to quit today as I did a walk for the American Cancer Society. I'm also proud to say that I successfully refrained from head smacking the people waiting for the walk to start...smoking cigarettes. <smh>
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ha! I work at the country's biggest cancer hospital. I see people hanging out on the sidewalks (not allowed to smoke on hospital property), connected to their oxygen tanks and med drip trailers, smoking cigarettes.


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## violet37 (Apr 8, 2014)

I too, am a smoker. I cannot imagine the selfishness involved in smoking a pack and a half throughout pregnancy. I was never able to quit for more than a couple of days at a time, but kept it to a minimal 2 or 3 cigs on days I did even through breastfeeding. it is totally doable, addiction or not.
BUT
you must quit smoking yourself, especially if $ is an issue. You are being a hypocrite until you do. I think it is totally reasonable for her to get a job and support her own habit. Baby formula I would think would be better than breast milk with that kind of habit. Being a stay at home mom these days is a privilege many can never afford. it doesn't sound like she appreciates that. I would have killed to have had that opportunity. But I had to return to work when my baby was 10 days old, soooo


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## Pufferfish (Sep 25, 2013)

As someone who has been on both sides of the fence, I have to tell you that quitting smoking is no walk in the park. The first two weeks were the worse, and getting past it took sheer power of will. 

Your wife not only has no will to give up, but no inclination. That in itself is against you. I'd say bite the bitter bullet and give up youself. Sow her that it can be done. If that fails to move her, at least you will be free from the addiction. 

Good luck with that. I know it's even harder when people around you smoke.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

DoF said:


> You must be hiding under a rock or something:
> Electronic cigarettes can be dangerous, even if you don't smoke them - latimes.com
> 
> Vaping TOXIC CHEMICALS can't possibly be healthy.
> ...


The article basically says that getting too much of the solution on your skin can be harmful because your skin will absorb it. Or putting it in your eyes will hurt your eyes.. duh!!!! that it's not good for kids to drink it.. double duh!!!

There is nothing in the article that says using ecigs and the liquid in the manner intended is more harmful then cigarettes. 

This response of yours reminds me of my MILs response recently when I told her that her son is using ecigs to gradually stop smoking. She wrote me back (she' deaf so we just write each other) that she heard they were addictive as she was concerned.

I replied back that he's been addicted to nicotine for over 35 years. At least with the ecig he's (and me via 2nd had smoke) is no longer getting all the toxic chemicals that are added to cigarettes.

ECigs are a very good alternative for those who are already addicted to nicotine and already smoking cigarettes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Willowlake said:


> Yeah I've pretty much read it all DoF. There are dangers to almost everything though. Batteries in ecigs can melt down causing injury. Yep, and batteries in anything else can melt down and cause injury. The liquid nicotine is not supposed to go into the eye but neither is dish detergent or ant spray, but guess what? Stuff happens. I could drop my e-cig on my toe and break my toe, does that mean ecigs are dangerous, in this case yeah but then my hand vac could be considered dangerous too if I drop it on my foot. Should hand vac's be made illegal? No? Why not?
> 
> E-cigs are a solution to quitting, I've personally talked to hundreds of people who have done so and have experienced it myself. Is vaping perfectly harmless? We don't know yet. No one can say either way with absolute certainty. In the mean time I'll be keeping a watchful eye on my hand vac.
> 
> Is vaping just replacing one habit for another? For some yes and for others no. There is no black and white, just as it is with everything else.


The very same people who will argue against ecig usage will probably support the use of nicotine patches and/or nicotine gum to stop smoking. But you know what? They can be dangerous too. Put a few nicotine patches on a person and it can kill them. A kit chewing several pieces of nicotine gum can get ill.. i'll bet they can even kill a young kid.

The idea is that people need to use products in the manner intended. And that there are solutions, other than just cold turkey, patches and gum to stop smoking. ECigs are a viable choice. I know many many people who have use them to quiet when patches and gum failed them.

On top of that, ecigs are far cheaper than cigarettes, patches or gum.


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

I bought an e-cig on Friday. I haven't had a cigarette in 24 hours now. 

My lungs already feel better.

I'm very optimistic that this is going to help me quit.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yay! Keep it up! And remember, even if you do trip up, the next day is the start of your NEW future!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

violet37 said:


> I too, am a smoker. I cannot imagine the selfishness involved in smoking a pack and a half throughout pregnancy. I was never able to quit for more than a couple of days at a time, but kept it to a minimal 2 or 3 cigs on days I did even through breastfeeding. it is totally doable, addiction or not.


My best friend was smoking by 16. By 18, she was pregnant and stopped immediately. When she had the baby, she started up again. By 20, she was pregnant again and again, she stopped immediately. When she was done feeding the baby, she started up again. By 21, she was pregnant again (she eventually had 8 kids) and again stopped immediately. This time, she just decided if she could stop for those kids' health, there was really no reason to start up again. And she never did.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nynaeve said:


> I bought an e-cig on Friday. I haven't had a cigarette in 24 hours now.
> 
> My lungs already feel better.
> 
> I'm very optimistic that this is going to help me quit.


Smoking it apparently one of the hardest addictions to quit.

there are several different things that people use to help get themselves off the nicotine addiction... patches, gum, prescription drugs and even ecigs.

Making fun of people who are actually doing something to quit the habit is just so funny... NOT :scratchhead:


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Smoking it apparently one of the hardest addictions to quit.
> 
> there are several different things that people use to help get themselves off the nicotine addiction... patches, gum, prescription drugs and even ecigs.
> 
> Making fun of people who are actually doing something to quit the habit is just so funny... NOT :scratchhead:



Wait... do you think I'm making fun of people?


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## Row Jimmy (Apr 15, 2013)

Ahhhhh smoking..... I fondly recall choking in the back seat of my parents 66 Ford Falcon while both of my selfish and foolish parents puffed like junkies with the window just open a crack in the dead of winter. But back in the 70's that was normal as many people did it. 

What's the cost you might ask? Well my Dad died of heart issues at 34 and my Mom died of COPD related issues at 69 and I have had serious asthma issues all my life. 

Watching someone you love die in a hospital bed due to lack of heart and lung function really does suck. 

Smoking is incredibly unhealthy. Vaping is a way better choice if you absolutely need nicotine but obviously not having an addiction would be better. 

One thing I do know for certain is it's very unlikely that you'll be able to force an addict to quit as they have to actually want to do it to succeed but you can perhaps ask her to modify her behaviour until she decides to quit. 

Your wife is an adult and really you can only control YOU. So my advice is YOU stop smoking and tell her smoking will now have to be done outside the house if she chooses to do it even if it does get to the point of divorcing over it. Your health and your kid's health is THAT important! Also tell her that due to budget cuts and over concern for her health that you won't be her supplier anymore and let her get a job. Feeding your baby formula may be a better choice than having the poor thing suck in all the crap that's floating around in her bloodstream. 

People can certainly choose to smoke if they want but it's a dirty smelly habit and it's damn selfish to risk the health of your children and your own health for your own pleasure as those kids might want you to be around for awhile. 

You both need to make some changes and one of you has to start. It seems like the OP is the mature one who can at least see there is a problem when kids are involved so how about you go first and stop making excuses not to. 

Best of luck!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> The article basically says that getting too much of the solution on your skin can be harmful because your skin will absorb it. Or putting it in your eyes will hurt your eyes.. duh!!!! that it's not good for kids to drink it.. double duh!!!
> 
> There is nothing in the article that says using ecigs and the liquid in the manner intended is more harmful then cigarettes.
> 
> ...


Look, it's like water treatment. By the time our government finds harmful chemicals in our waters, it's already too late. And they are ALWAYS trailing.....

Same for this crap. You are vaping all kinds of chemicals and you just don't know what effects/risk it has on your body.

We will know in about 5-10 years though.

All I'm saying is don't trust these companies or their products (take it how you want it)


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I'm sorry, but this post makes me sick. 

Smoking has been shown to increase the risk of miscarriage and stillbirth by a fairly large percentage. Even second hand smoke can increase that risk. It's very possible that smoking caused that first miscarriage. How someone can continue to smoke without trying their absolute best to quit, I don't understand. Her age is not an excuse for poor behavior. 

There are so many things you both can do to quit smoking and I highly recommend starting those today. I think you should both look at those tools available for you and quit together. It's completely unfair of you to say that she needs to quit, while you continue to ruin your health and expose her and the baby to second hand smoke. Use Google and search everything you can on ways to quit and start it asap. If she won't go along with the plan, then continue to quit on your own. You need to do it for your own health and for the health and well being of your children. 

Good luck.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

As you are a smoker (or a reformed smoker if all is going well) you know how hard it is to give up. Nicotine replacement (be it gum, patches, ecigs) can help but it still takes will power.

IMHO you can not make anyone else give up, they have to want to give up for themselves. Until your partner is ready all you can do is set a good example and extend the assurance of your support when she is ready.

N.B. I was a smoker for over 30 years (all though only outside once I was married / had kids) and gave up in December using e-cigs (the refillable ones not the ones from the service stations).


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I quit smoking 21 years ago in June. It took me two weeks to entirely quit after finding out I was pregnant. My husband has tried repeatedly and failed. Being around a smoker is no excuse not to quit. You are putting your not quitting off on your wife. That is not going to help either one of you.
When I quit, I drew a line in the sand and told my husband that I would no longer tolerate him smoking in the house for health of our child. 21 years later, he still does not smoke in the house.
You cannot make anyone do anything short of torture and even then it's iffy. Talk to your wife about boundaries, like smoking outside and not smoking around your child.
I know a lot about breastfeeding. Especially now with gmos, it is much better for her to breastfeed, even if she smokes, but either way, she should not smoke around children.
If she said she would quit smoking and go to formula, I wouldn't believe that. It is unlikely that she can follow through on it.
Do the best you can, but remember that she has to own her decision or it's not going to stick.


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