# dating again weird?



## proudwidaddy

For those of you that were married for a long time, divorced, and now dating again was it weird to be in a relationship with someone else? Getting used to someone new, when you used to know everything about your ex spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jayb

I can only imagine the awkwardness.

And then, do I with children, only date women with children?


How can you be with another person and shake the feeling that you're not cheating?


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## bandit.45

Jayb said:


> How can you be with another person and shake the feeling that you're not cheating?


Amazing that only monogamous, honest people would ask this question. This question never crosses the minds of waywards. It shows clearly the vast gulf of difference between those of us with values, honesty and morality, and those without.


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## proudwidaddy

I'm not dating at all, not going to until after I'm divorced. I was making referwnce to post divorce, is it weird?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

Jayb said:


> How can you be with another person and shake the feeling that you're not cheating?


i did not feel this way when i separated from my wife then started dating someone several months later.
i felt that way when me and the woman i was dating broke up.
i still feel a bit awkward talking to others and we have been apart for about 7 months now.
but we have to forge on.


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## madaboutlove

No dating experience yet, separated for a year, D final in May, but met with a male friend, had dinner and just kept thinking how weird it felt, to even think about dating someone other than my STBXH after 30 years together. Although, there is the fun of the first kiss, first ....


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

madaboutlove said:


> No dating experience yet, separated for a year, D final in May, but met with a male friend, had dinner and just kept thinking how weird it felt, to even think about dating someone other than my STBXH after 30 years together. Although, there is the fun of the first kiss, first ....


true


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## Paradise

There are a couple of big things about dating that are confusing to me and I've been divorced for a year. 

1. When I'm not with someone I feel the need to find someone. But then when I'm with them I feel the need to get out and be on my own. 
2. I still have trust issues. All sorts of them. I've dated primarily ladies that do not have kids because I think that is what I want but then when they start asking to meet my child then I'm ready to move on. 
3. Had several opportunities for long term relationships. Just cannot do it. I want to date the ladies that really aren't interested in me. 
4. The dating pool at this age is a strange one. The women who have never been married are so independent that I really don't think they want to commit and then I keep meeting so many people who are just in transition right now. Most are still reeling from a divorce or a long term break-up. 

Long story short....I think I am just attracting people who are going through the same stage in life that I am. I am just not ready to put another person "first" in my life other than my child.


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## madaboutlove

oh Paradise, those conflicts do make it seem like you are not ready yet. Nothing wrong with you focusing your attention on your child.


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## angelpixie

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i did not feel this way when i separated from my wife then started dating someone several months later.


This is so funny that you said this. I just made my first ever dating profile. I was having a friend give me her opinion on it, and we both realized that I never mentioned that I wasn't divorced yet. Kind of a big thing to leave out, but STBXH is sooo 'gone' and has been for so long, that I don't feel married in any way but legally anymore. He's already been dating someone besides.



Paradise said:


> 2. I still have trust issues. All sorts of them.


:iagree: I had them before I met STBXH, worked hard to get over them, and basically he fulfilled everything I was afraid of. Not sure how to get past that. I just keep telling myself that *I* will not be the same person I was when I met him, so I will be better able to spot some of the problems I missed (or chose to overlook ) with him.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

angelpixie said:


> This is so funny that you said this. I just made my first ever dating profile. I was having a friend give me her opinion on it, and we both realized that I never mentioned that I wasn't divorced yet. Kind of a big thing to leave out, but STBXH is sooo 'gone' and has been for so long, that I don't feel married in any way but legally anymore. He's already been dating someone besides.


you looking for an old guy in tennessee? 
im looking for....
anybody i guess. 

ive been kind of leary of dating sites myself for some reason.


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## WomanScorned

I find it exciting in some ways, frightening in others. So, yes, it is weird  It is exciting to get to know some one new, but I find myself impatient with the process as I knew (or thought I knew) my ex so well I find myself wishing that I was there with my new guy. He's been around the block a few times and is cautious (as he should be), so it's been slow going. 

I like monogamy, I guess, because I don't want to date an endless stream of guys. I might end up doing that if things don't work out with my current guy, but I don't know that I'll like it. It is what it is. I was so young when I got together with my ex (18) and have pretty much NO dating experience, so I'm learning as I go. I find myself wishing I'd learned at 18 instead of at 42. 

I like the dating websites. In my current life I have no opportunity to meet single guys, so it's a good place for me. Meet up groups also look like they have some possibilities. 

Long answer short (too late for that!) yes, it's weird.


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## nice777guy

It is SUPER weird!

I haven't been on a date with anyone other than my ex for about 20 years.

About a month ago - I was feeling very lonely. Did the dating site thing. Got a couple of "bites." Met one for coffee. And although she seems nice, she isn't someone I would want to date.

Where I struggle is trying to figure out what THEIR intentions / wants / needs are. I've tried to be honest about not being ready for anything serious. They "say" they understand and want the same thing - but then one of them was texting me A LOT. Maybe its an age difference (she's younger) - or maybe she's looking for something more serious and not being honest about it.


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## Jellybeans

I imagine it would be awkard... at first.

THis is why I don't think you should date until you are completey over the divorce--and have moved on emotionally from that relationship.

With all new relationships, it will be strange at first, then comfortable.


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## nice777guy

Then - I find myself thinking about how to trust people.

Not the trust issues like I had with my Ex - but just general "trust."

I'm hesitant to say anything about my kids (names, schools) or even give out my phone number.

It's like I'm afraid I'm going to meet the Fatal Attraction Lady - and she'll boil a bunny in my house! I may not be married - but still - I don't want any bunnies to die because I was too flirty with the WRONG woman!

Light in tone here - but seriously concerned about knowing who to trust when all you've seen is a dating profile and you've only had a conversation or two.


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## working_together

nice777guy said:


> Then - I find myself thinking about how to trust people.
> 
> Not the trust issues like I had with my Ex - but just general "trust."
> 
> I'm hesitant to say anything about my kids (names, schools) or even give out my phone number.
> 
> It's like I'm afraid I'm going to meet the Fatal Attraction Lady - and she'll boil a bunny in my house! I may not be married - but still - I don't want any bunnies to die because I was too flirty with the WRONG woman!
> 
> Light in tone here - but seriously concerned about knowing who to trust when all you've seen is a dating profile and you've only had a conversation or two.


I feel exactly like this. I've gone on a few dates, and I'm so worried about giving out too much information about myself or my kids etc. I do not give my home number out at all.

And when the other person reveals anything of themselves it's like I really don't believe everything they say. For instance one person I had coffee with only, he talked about his divorce etc. I couldn't stop wondering what his part was, did he cause it etc.

Obviously I don't have a lot of trust right now, part of me wants to get out and have some good conversation with the opposite sex, and when I do, I don't want it, I just want to run home.

Yuck....time is the only answer.


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## Jellybeans

nice777guy said:


> It's like I'm afraid I'm going to meet the Fatal Attraction Lady - and she'll boil a bunny in my house!


:rofl:


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## Traggy

I know it is going to be. I built my entire life around someone and now they are gone. The hole that is left needs to be filled in again on my own because the last thing I need is to find a person to fill it.

Like a puzzle piece they will never fit right. I would expect the void to be met with the things that my stbxw did for me. A sign that I am not ready.

I can not wait though!


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## nice777guy

working_together said:


> I feel exactly like this. I've gone on a few dates, and I'm so worried about giving out too much information about myself or my kids etc. I do not give my home number out at all.
> 
> And when the other person reveals anything of themselves it's like I really don't believe everything they say. For instance one person I had coffee with only, he talked about his divorce etc. I couldn't stop wondering what his part was, did he cause it etc.
> 
> Obviously I don't have a lot of trust right now, part of me wants to get out and have some good conversation with the opposite sex, and when I do, I don't want it, I just want to run home.
> 
> Yuck....time is the only answer.


I just wonder if time will help with this kind of thing.

Or maybe some of us just aren't "dating site" type people.


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## sd212

Paradise said:


> There are a couple of big things about dating that are confusing to me and I've been divorced for a year.
> 
> 1. When I'm not with someone I feel the need to find someone. But then when I'm with them I feel the need to get out and be on my own.
> 2. I still have trust issues. All sorts of them. I've dated primarily ladies that do not have kids because I think that is what I want but then when they start asking to meet my child then I'm ready to move on.
> 3. Had several opportunities for long term relationships. Just cannot do it. I want to date the ladies that really aren't interested in me.
> 4. The dating pool at this age is a strange one. The women who have never been married are so independent that I really don't think they want to commit and then I keep meeting so many people who are just in transition right now. Most are still reeling from a divorce or a long term break-up.
> 
> Long story short....I think I am just attracting people who are going through the same stage in life that I am. I am just not ready to put another person "first" in my life other than my child.


This resonates with me. I'm only a few months out and so completely would love to fall head over heels but the times women have been interested and I let them in, I panic.

Once I finally find someone I'm willing to let in completely, I bet I will have major trust issues as well.

And as far as the pool of women available, I can't for the life of me find anywhere with available women my age. Everyone my age is newly married and having kids. I really don't know where to look but the bar is about the only place I've come across anyone and obviously that is not ideal.


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## proudwidaddy

When I first met my wife it was totally by accident, a mutual friend introduced us to each other to talk, and we had a blind date. It just worked. I wasn't looking for someone at the time, and I'm a firm believer that you find someone when you are not looking. That being said, after my discovery the past day that she has a profile on the webdating site plentyoffish.com, it kinda perturbs me that we are not even divorced yet and she is already trying to replace me. I guess she is not able to be independent like she said she is. I know we will never get back together, but it still hurts that I'm so replaceable to her. Oh well, such is life I guess. She is revealing her true colors. 

Trust issues....yeah I will have a lot. Especially after being hurt by the one person I thought would be my ally forever.


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## bandit.45

Traggy said:


> I know it is going to be. I built my entire life around someone and now they are gone. The hole that is left needs to be filled in again on my own because the last thing I need is to find a person to fill it.
> 
> Like a puzzle piece they will never fit right. I would expect the void to be met with the things that my stbxw did for me. A sign that I am not ready.
> 
> I can not wait though!


I dub thee "Traggy the Roving Asteroid!"


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## Paradise

sd212 said:


> This resonates with me. I'm only a few months out and so completely would love to fall head over heels but the times women have been interested and I let them in, I panic.
> 
> Once I finally find someone I'm willing to let in completely, I bet I will have major trust issues as well.


Yes, this is me! lol I think panic is a very accurate description although I would like to say that I am just very selective now...But, the fact is if we look hard enough then anyone can find faults. I've even found one or two in myself (j/k). :rofl:


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## Traggy

bandit.45 said:


> I dub thee "Traggy the Roving Asteroid!"


So true man, I have never taken the road alone. Not necessarily OK with it and I am scared as hell, but what the hell else can we do!


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## sisters359

I originally read this as "Dating weirdos again?" Ha, YEAH! ;0


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

sisters359 said:


> I originally read this as "Dating weirdos again?" Ha, YEAH! ;0


LOL


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## nice777guy

sisters359 said:


> I originally read this as "Dating weirdos again?" Ha, YEAH! ;0


That works too!!!


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## Incomplete1112

I actually dated a girl for about a month here recently (5 months separated, waiting for judges signature) While visiting one weekend she complained about me getting a second beer...I left and have not returned...currently not looking either.


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## working_together

Incomplete1112 said:


> I actually dated a girl for about a month here recently (5 months separated, waiting for judges signature) While visiting one weekend she complained about me getting a second beer...I left and have not returned...currently not looking either.



I'm wondering if we are less tolerant of stupidity the second time around. I know for a fact that I don't have the patience with behavior that is not acceptable, but i know that I am also on the look out for it as well.

I sort of see this person occasionally, we go out have a couple of drinks, watch some live music. He knows it's casual, that I'm not committing to anything right now, probably not for a very long time, my priorities are my kids. I'll never introduce him to my kids either. He made a comment once "you seem like you don't even care"....I said "I guess you're right, I don't care to fall in love and screw up my life again"....he laughed, and backed off to where I am comfortable. Men aren't used to a woman that is stand offish I guess.

Older and wiser....maybe jaded.


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## nice777guy

working_together said:


> I'm wondering if we are less tolerant of stupidity the second time around. I know for a fact that I don't have the patience with behavior that is not acceptable, but i know that I am also on the look out for it as well.
> 
> I sort of see this person occasionally, we go out have a couple of drinks, watch some live music. He knows it's casual, that I'm not committing to anything right now, probably not for a very long time, my priorities are my kids. I'll never introduce him to my kids either. He made a comment once "you seem like you don't even care"....I said "I guess you're right, I don't care to fall in love and screw up my life again"....he laughed, and backed off to where I am comfortable. Men aren't used to a woman that is stand offish I guess.
> 
> Older and wiser....maybe jaded.


I hope I'm less tolerant of the stupidity! Yet to really be tested though.

And it really is hard not to be at least a little bit jaded...


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## Incomplete1112

I really liked the girl but was afraid I was sort of creating imaginary red flags in my head. I was being needy and insecure...obviously 

not ready for serious dating but I think I've always kind of been that way, I never dated much. However she got an attitude with me like 

3 times that day and I was just like screw it, I'm supposed to be having fun and I'm not. That's my deal now, If I feel like I should be 

having fun and I'm not I'm out. I also expect the same amount of effort that I apply and it also wasn't there. I still wouldn't mind something casual.


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## working_together

Incomplete1112 said:


> I really liked the girl but was afraid I was sort of creating imaginary red flags in my head. I was being needy and insecure...obviously
> 
> not ready for serious dating but I think I've always kind of been that way, I never dated much. However she got an attitude with me like
> 
> 3 times that day and I was just like screw it, I'm supposed to be having fun and I'm not. That's my deal now, If I feel like I should be
> 
> having fun and I'm not I'm out. I also expect the same amount of effort that I apply and it also wasn't there. I still wouldn't mind something casual.


I think if someone has an attitude at the beginning of the relationship, then it's probably doomed anyway....find a nice girl who is in a similar situation and is not ready for a serious relationship.


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## arbitrator

proudwidaddy said:


> I'm not dating at all, not going to until after I'm divorced. I was making referwnce to post divorce, is it weird?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In the same boat with you, Proud! Hang in there!


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## KWbuilder

Our divorce was final just this past week and I am already dreading the dating process. Havent had to ask a girl out since I was 18! Now at 41, here I am again......while I am not ready to date just yet, I have no idea where I will even start. It will definitely be weird....Like some have said here, I doubt I find myself tolerating much crap from any woman. Im done with that!


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## ynow

madaboutlove said:


> No dating experience yet, separated for a year, D final in May, but met with a male friend, had dinner and just kept thinking how weird it felt, to even think about dating someone other than my STBXH after 30 years together. Although, there is the fun of the first kiss, first ....


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## CLucas976

When my mom split from my ex-step dad, a good male friend of hers told her that after a long relationship like that, to not get into any serious relationships or worry about love for two years afterwards. Just to spend the time working on her and what she wanted out of life.

I woke up this morning thinking about that, it's been a year since I left my husband, and I've dated or attempted to date no one. I actually feel like an individual with recognizable needs and wants and I do things to take care of myself. The jadedness has faded a little and frankly, if I was a guy, I'd rather be with someone more like where my headspace is now, and is progressing, than me a few months after the split 

I have no idea when I'll actually bother with dating again, but at least I feel like my head is actually screwed on tight, now.


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## lostdad

I go back and forth on this myself. On one hand I think I should just be focusing on me and my child. On the other hand I really want some companionship. I have gone on several first dates with some woman from a dating website and a few i've seen multiple times. The thing is i've felt absolutely nothing for any of them. It was nice to be out with someone but I just felt nothing. The thing that's weird I guess is I can't figure out if I felt nothing because I was dating the wrong woman or if I felt nothing because I wasn't ready to be dating.


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## working_together

lostdad said:


> I go back and forth on this myself. On one hand I think I should just be focusing on me and my child. On the other hand I really want some companionship. I have gone on several first dates with some woman from a dating website and a few i've seen multiple times. The thing is i've felt absolutely nothing for any of them. It was nice to be out with someone but I just felt nothing. The thing that's weird I guess is I can't figure out if I felt nothing because I was dating the wrong woman or if I felt nothing because I wasn't ready to be dating.


I think you make an interesting point. If you meet someone who you really click with, you'll probably think differently. I went on a few dates, then met this person recently, and thought "wow, I'm attracted to him", I was feeling "meh" about dating, but hmmm..things might change.

try a few more dates, and if you feel nothing at all, then don't see them, but also remember there doesn't have to be instant attraction, it's more about having things in common. 

Just my two cents.


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## Paradise

working_together said:


> try a few more dates, and if you feel nothing at all, then don't see them, but also remember there doesn't have to be instant attraction, it's more about having things in common.


I find it interesting that you say there doesn't have to be instant attraction. I've heard so many people say "well the chemistry just wasn't there" after one date or meeting. Never really said anything about it but I always thought, "really?" How in the world can you tell if there is chemistry after one date? Especially with a stranger or someone you meet on an online dating website. That just makes absolutely zero sense to me. First dates people are generally a bit nervous. 

I figure if I am somewhat attracted to them then I'll shoot for another date or two to see what happens. Maybe I'm just slow....


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## Deejo

It's only as weird as you let it be.

Put your dating life in the correct frame of reference and it doesn't need to be weird.

Don't look at dating like you are shopping for your next soul-mate, or person to fill that empty gaping hole in the middle of your chest.

Think of dating as simply becoming more social. Meet people, different people, learn how to talk to and relate with the opposite sex again. Don't make it a pressure filled event. And whatever you do ... NEVER hang your personal sense of well being or value on the outcome of a 'date'. "I hope he/she likes me ..." is the WRONG frame of reference if you are just dipping your feet back in the dating pool. It's also why I do recommend online dating.

I have been on lots of dates, had a few relationships, all from online dating. I never, ever, would have met any of these women otherwise.

Do smile ... lots.

Don't talk about your ex or your divorce ... unless you are looking to ditch the person.

Feel good about the fact that you are learning to relate to others once again ... and I always emphasize, be selfish about it. Who you spend your time with is deeply personal and valuable ... to you. Don't waste it on fools ... or those who sadly really shouldn't be dating just yet.

And a very simple perspective. Yes, you deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved. And presuming love is ultimately what you would like to find ... it isn't going to come looking for you. You need to be proactive and as I said, selfish, in the most positive sense of the word. If dating makes you sad and pine over past events with your ex ... you aren't ready. Take a step back. Get real. It is acceptable to lament the love you have lost. It is not acceptable to wallow in it, particularly presuming that you would like to find love again.

Happy hunting.


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## working_together

Paradise said:


> I find it interesting that you say there doesn't have to be instant attraction. I've heard so many people say "well the chemistry just wasn't there" after one date or meeting. Never really said anything about it but I always thought, "really?" How in the world can you tell if there is chemistry after one date? Especially with a stranger or someone you meet on an online dating website. That just makes absolutely zero sense to me. First dates people are generally a bit nervous.
> 
> I figure if I am somewhat attracted to them then I'll shoot for another date or two to see what happens. Maybe I'm just slow....


I think you have to be somewhat attracted, for me it's really important, and I think it's pretty much like that for everyone. But I am more attracted to a man's confidence, and the way he handles himself in public. So if I meet someone who is somewhat shy, but great looking, it means nothing to me, if I meet someone who is average, maybe a few extra pounds, but is self-assured, instant attraction. If both are there....bonus lol. But it usually doesn't happen on the first date, usually on the second.

not that I'm an expert or anything...


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## CLucas976

Paradise said:


> I find it interesting that you say there doesn't have to be instant attraction. I've heard so many people say "well the chemistry just wasn't there" after one date or meeting. Never really said anything about it but I always thought, "really?" How in the world can you tell if there is chemistry after one date? Especially with a stranger or someone you meet on an online dating website. That just makes absolutely zero sense to me. First dates people are generally a bit nervous.
> 
> I figure if I am somewhat attracted to them then I'll shoot for another date or two to see what happens. Maybe I'm just slow....


See, I always consider the "chemistry" to be actually being able to talk about SOMETHING. No stretching, no reaching, no one had to cue the crickets, a conversation could be held that wasn't torture for anyone of the parties, and both could participate in.

My attraction to someone is more mental than anything (and my not so sexy track record shows..) so if you can't come up with something to say, forget it. take your physically appealing self somewhere else


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## madaboutlove

CLucas, I love that one "my attraction to someone is more mental than anything. There is nothing worse than hanging out with someone you can't talk to. The other stuff only takes a few minutes! I said yes to dinner with my old friend for the second time, it was nice talking about memories and catching up. Now, maybe we can do some talking about the present. The future, who cares, if I have learned one thing, that is there is nothing you can do about it.


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## lostdad

CLucas976 said:


> See, I always consider the "chemistry" to be actually being able to talk about SOMETHING. No stretching, no reaching, no one had to cue the crickets, a conversation could be held that wasn't torture for anyone of the parties, and both could participate in.
> 
> My attraction to someone is more mental than anything (and my not so sexy track record shows..) so if you can't come up with something to say, forget it. take your physically appealing self somewhere else


This is where i'm at. I'm not looking for some instant spark or magical chemistry. But someone who is at least interesting to me. 

In reflection I think i have some confidence issues i have to work out. The cheating by my ex really messed with my self esteem. The woman that I see online or in real life that seem really interesting to me I tend to feel are too good for me so I end up asking out the boring as a rock woman and having a less then stellar conversation on the date. It's weird because in general I do think I have a lot to offer I'm just afraid they aren't going to see that in a short date. This is what happens when your with the same woman for the entirety of your 20's and half your 30's you have no idea what the hell your doing out there in the dating scene.


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## madaboutlove

or how about the 20's, 30's, 40's and part way in to the 50's! Been 30 years since I dated anyone but him. Scary, but I used to be pretty good at it so here's hoping


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## always_hopefull

My divorce has been final for 8 months, no dating experience yet, actually I never had any. I married my first bf and we mostly hung out in groups when we were younger. So here I am 43 and never had a date. Needless to say I do not relish the thought of weeding through men who are only interested in casual sex. 

I do think I'll put myself out there in the summer after the house sells, or at least try to.


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## CLucas976

lostdad said:


> This is where i'm at. I'm not looking for some instant spark or magical chemistry. But someone who is at least interesting to me.
> 
> In reflection I think i have some confidence issues i have to work out. The cheating by my ex really messed with my self esteem. The woman that I see online or in real life that seem really interesting to me I tend to feel are too good for me so I end up asking out the boring as a rock woman and having a less then stellar conversation on the date. It's weird because in general I do think I have a lot to offer I'm just afraid they aren't going to see that in a short date. This is what happens when your with the same woman for the entirety of your 20's and half your 30's you have no idea what the hell your doing out there in the dating scene.


lol! Hubs was the second person I ever dated, I met the first person online in some chat room I can't even remember and we started dating after talking for 3yrs.

I had NO dating experience, and still don't. Hubs half the time didn't know if i was into him, or completely annoyed with his existence.

I could not tell you what these people do as far as dating goes, I can't even relate to most of them Im so behind on things, and Im almost 25


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## ProfJ

Deejo said:


> It's only as weird as you let it be.
> 
> Put your dating life in the correct frame of reference and it doesn't need to be weird.
> 
> Don't look at dating like you are shopping for your next soul-mate, or person to fill that empty gaping hole in the middle of your chest.
> 
> Think of dating as simply becoming more social. Meet people, different people, learn how to talk to and relate with the opposite sex again. Don't make it a pressure filled event. And whatever you do ... NEVER hang your personal sense of well being or value on the outcome of a 'date'. "I hope he/she likes me ..." is the WRONG frame of reference if you are just dipping your feet back in the dating pool. It's also why I do recommend online dating.
> 
> I have been on lots of dates, had a few relationships, all from online dating. I never, ever, would have met any of these women otherwise.
> 
> Do smile ... lots.
> 
> Don't talk about your ex or your divorce ... unless you are looking to ditch the person.
> 
> Feel good about the fact that you are learning to relate to others once again ... and I always emphasize, be selfish about it. Who you spend your time with is deeply personal and valuable ... to you. Don't waste it on fools ... or those who sadly really shouldn't be dating just yet.
> 
> And a very simple perspective. Yes, you deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved. And presuming love is ultimately what you would like to find ... it isn't going to come looking for you. You need to be proactive and as I said, selfish, in the most positive sense of the word. If dating makes you sad and pine over past events with your ex ... you aren't ready. Take a step back. Get real. It is acceptable to lament the love you have lost. It is not acceptable to wallow in it, particularly presuming that you would like to find love again.
> 
> Happy hunting.


I was about to jump into the thread and ask why most posters are viewing dating as a way to find the next Mr. or Mrs.
My divorce is going to be final in a few weeks, and after over a year of feeling pretty messed up, I decided to meet the guys that my friends feel are the perfect ones for me.
Went on date 1...Guy went overboard presenting me with 2 dozen roses, chocolates, and gift. Had a great time conversing with someone who found me attractive. Roses are now drying happily in my closet. Never heard from the guy again or have any interest in hearing from him again.
Date 2...Guy is making truckloads of money and can't stop talking about himself, went home, snuggled into bed, and sigh in relief that I am not interested in this man...never answered his calls again.
But guess what...the dating made me realize that there are other men out there who are interested in me, and I'm not the loser I thought I was because my ex didn't want to work on our marriage. It was fun, it's like an adventure, and I hope it's the same way for these men that I dated as well.
Currently Communicating with a guy right now who's waiting patiently for my divorce to be final before even meeting up with me..who knows..but go out there, discover the potential.
Beginnings are wonderful, don't sweat it if you don't feel any connection immediately.


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## working_together

I think that it needs to be taken lightly. I recently met someone who is on the same page as I am, he's not looking for a relationship, but wants some companionship, and I guess it includes sex. I just find that it's a bit difficult not to enter a relationship or "friendship" where it may not lead to anything, women kind of expect that, or at least I did when I met my ex.

It seems cheap to me to have this kind of relationship, but on the other hand I guess it can be respectful, and let's face it, when people are just out of long term relationships, do they really want to immediately go into another one, or at least a serious one???

So what's the difference between a FWB relationship, and one that is casual but includes dates??? I'm so confused over the whole thing...


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## angelpixie

I hear you, working_together. I get all stressed out about the idea of dating, like it's some life or death thing to go out with someone. My therapist has to keep reminding me that I'm not obligated to get married after the first date. And I have to remind myself that I don't have to wait for a wedding ring to have sex with someone. 

Thanks for the hopeful words, too, ProfJ.


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## nice777guy

working_together said:


> I think that it needs to be taken lightly. I recently met someone who is on the same page as I am, he's not looking for a relationship, but wants some companionship, and I guess it includes sex. I just find that it's a bit difficult not to enter a relationship or "friendship" where it may not lead to anything, women kind of expect that, or at least I did when I met my ex.
> 
> It seems cheap to me to have this kind of relationship, but on the other hand I guess it can be respectful, and let's face it, when people are just out of long term relationships, do they really want to immediately go into another one, or at least a serious one???
> 
> So what's the difference between a FWB relationship, and one that is casual but includes dates??? I'm so confused over the whole thing...


Lol! Sorry - but I think we all feel your pain here!

I've concluded that - for now - if I like someone enough to sleep with them, it would be difficult to have a sexual relationship without quickly developing some serious feelings for them.

Not sure even a FWB relationship would be too smart right now - even though I really miss sex!!!!


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## working_together

nice777guy said:


> Lol! Sorry - but I think we all feel your pain here!
> 
> I've concluded that - for now - if I like someone enough to sleep with them, it would be difficult to have a sexual relationship without quickly developing some serious feelings for them.
> 
> Not sure even a FWB relationship would be too smart right now - even though I really miss sex!!!!



I think some people can manage the whole sex without strings, I don't think I could, mind you, I guess if you pick someone who you'd know you would never have a long terms relationship with...who knows

I have way too much time on my hands...grrr


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