# Love and Christain Family Finances



## Ten_year_hubby

My wife of 10 years announced she was leaving a couple months ago. After considering that she would have to get a job to afford her own place, she changed her mind, talked to our pastor and got referred to a Christian Marriage Counselor who is a pastor himself (at another church).

All this has worked out really well for me. I had been living mostly a secular marriage for a number of reasons. Our mc brought up God's word and my responsibilities in the marriage and I am completely on board with all this. In fact, I couldn't be happier, this is all perfect for my personality.

Finances have been a problem and my wife was taking care (or not) of a lot of the day to day work. When I took a close look, is found that we were a month behind on all our major bills, we couldn't pay our monthly mortgage without short term borrowing and we couldn't pay our auto insurance.

So I took over the whole thing, set up new account, activated some helpful software and set up a monthly budget that will keep us living withing our income if we follow it.

At first, my wife was lukewarm to the idea, then she became cooperative at least in theory. Currently, we have conflict. My w wants to spend money we don't have to remodel our house and take vacations to amusement parks. I am completely against this. She says I don't love her and if I did, I would do what she wants. I'm still against it. This is causing a lot of disturbance in our household. What can I do?


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## SimplyAmorous

Remodleing a house should never be before paying on late mortgage payments or over due car insurance payments. Too many couples do this & get further & further in debt, paying loads of unnecessary interest! Talk about a waste of $$. Then the remodleing job will costs double it's original cost, maybe triple !

YOU are right in this financial matter. While bills need paid, you can do less expensive things as a family and plan for these higher priced vacations and fixing the house when things are running more smoothly financially. 

Debt is like a strangehold around a couples neck, causes alot of stress and marraige problems. Is it said to be the #2 issue leading to divorce. I had a Financial Planner come talk to our Mops group, this is what he said anyway.


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## Mom6547

Ten_year_hubby said:


> At first, my wife was lukewarm to the idea, then she became cooperative at least in theory. Currently, we have conflict. My w wants to spend money we don't have to remodel our house and take vacations to amusement parks. I am completely against this. She says I don't love her and if I did, I would do what she wants. I'm still against it. This is causing a lot of disturbance in our household. What can I do?


Can you speak to your pastor about this if you loved me nonsense? Cuz it seems to me that stopping that is your highest priority.

You are SPOT ON about borrowing for things like remodeling and entertainment. Have you ever read Total Money Makeover? Good read.

I don't know a lot about it. But in a christian marriage, aren't you supposed to be head? How about No.


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## magnoliagal

Oh here we ago with that "if you loved me you'd _________" crap. Go read 1 Corinthians 13 on the definition of love. Nowhere does it say love equals spending 20 hours a week on home improvement projects or spending money you don't have and going into debt.

I'm with mom it's time to stop that if you loved me nonsense.


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## 4sure

You are spot on with the budgeting. If she wants to visit amusement parks, perhaps she should get a job.


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## MEM2020

This really is a "boundary" question. 

Me - I have a boundary. I will not agree to live beyond our means. Actually I am not willing to live "at" our means as that creates a situation where there is no savings. My W is 100 percent on the same page with me, and always has been. 

And this "boundary" is a "core value". So my approach to this is my W has a substantial discretionary budget. She may use it however she wants. Literally. More vacations, less home improvements. Simple stuff. 

If she consistently "breached" this boundary I would end the marriage. I don't "want" to do that. But I would. 




Ten_year_hubby said:


> My wife of 10 years announced she was leaving a couple months ago. After considering that she would have to get a job to afford her own place, she changed her mind, talked to our pastor and got referred to a Christian Marriage Counselor who is a pastor himself (at another church).
> 
> All this has worked out really well for me. I had been living mostly a secular marriage for a number of reasons. Our mc brought up God's word and my responsibilities in the marriage and I am completely on board with all this. In fact, I couldn't be happier, this is all perfect for my personality.
> 
> Finances have been a problem and my wife was taking care (or not) of a lot of the day to day work. When I took a close look, is found that we were a month behind on all our major bills, we couldn't pay our monthly mortgage without short term borrowing and we couldn't pay our auto insurance.
> 
> So I took over the whole thing, set up new account, activated some helpful software and set up a monthly budget that will keep us living withing our income if we follow it.
> 
> At first, my wife was lukewarm to the idea, then she became cooperative at least in theory. Currently, we have conflict. My w wants to spend money we don't have to remodel our house and take vacations to amusement parks. I am completely against this. She says I don't love her and if I did, I would do what she wants. I'm still against it. This is causing a lot of disturbance in our household. What can I do?


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## Syrum

Your wife should follow your judgement on this, what she is wanting is not smart.

There should be some room in the budget to do fun things, however it is important to live within your means. if she wants more extravagant thing she should also earn something to contribute and help save for them.


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## greenpearl

MEM11363 said:


> This really is a "boundary" question.
> 
> Me - I have a boundary. I will not agree to live beyond our means. Actually I am not willing to live "at" our means as that creates a situation where there is no savings. My W is 100 percent on the same page with me, and always has been.
> 
> And this "boundary" is a "core value". So my approach to this is my W has a substantial discretionary budget. She may use it however she wants. Literally. More vacations, less home improvements. Simple stuff.
> 
> If she consistently "breached" this boundary I would end the marriage. I don't "want" to do that. But I would.


When you are happy, there are many ways to have fun and enjoy life for free. 

Go to a park, take a walk, look at beautiful flowers and green grass................................

If you are near the mountain, take a ride to the mountain.......................

If you are near the ocean, watch sunrise and sunset.................

If you are in the countryside, enjoy the field and its scenery.......................

And have a lot of sex! Sex between husband and wife is free, I don't understand why a lot of people don't view it this way! 

A lot of people focus on material things and think that can bring them happiness, but after they have what they wanted, they get tired with it very soon, then they want something else, it never ends.............................Human desire never ends, and they can never be satisfied, then they can never be content and happy.

What we want is more than we need, what we want is more than what we can get. If people are content with what they have and focus on what they need, it is easy for them to be happy!

Obviously the OP's wife isn't like this! She is not practicing what the Bible is teaching. It is a shame that it is under the name " Christian"! Jesus doesn't teach people to live like that!


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## MEM2020

GP,
Great points. My W and I have great fun walking the dogs at night. Completely free. Or reading books lying in bed next to each other - also free. Or having sex - the best free entertainment in the known universe.....




greenpearl said:


> When you are happy, there are many ways to have fun and enjoy life for free.
> 
> Go to a park, take a walk, look at beautiful flowers and green grass................................
> 
> If you are near the mountain, take a ride to the mountain.......................
> 
> If you are near the ocean, watch sunrise and sunset.................
> 
> If you are in the countryside, enjoy the field and its scenery.......................
> 
> And have a lot of sex! Sex between husband and wife is free, I don't understand why a lot of people don't view it this way!
> 
> A lot of people focus on material things and think that can bring them happiness, but after they have what they wanted, they get tired with it very soon, then they want something else, it never ends.............................Human desire never ends, and they can never be satisfied, then they can never be content and happy.
> 
> What we want is more than we need, what we want is more than what we can get. If people are content with what they have and focus on what they need, it is easy for them to be happy!
> 
> Obviously the OP's wife isn't like this! She is not practicing what the Bible is teaching. It is a shame that it is under the name " Christian"! Jesus doesn't teach people to live like that!


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## cb45

this is becoming more n more
of a problem along with infidelities.

IF H is best one to handle the financial decisions then, by all means H as leader/head of household per Gods Genesis
command, should "rule" this area (with input of course, from W).

kind of a no-brainer wouldnt u say?

seems she may not be as Bible oriented as she should be.


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## Riverside MFT

In Luke Chapter 12 (verses 13-15) one man asks Jesus to convince his brother to divide his inheritance. He essentially wanted to have more money. Jesus then talked (in verse 15) about being aware of greed or coveting. Maybe you could share these scriptures with your wife.

I would talk to your wife and get a better understanding of what a nicer house and fun family vacations will do for her. What need is she hoping to meet by these "things". It is important in a marriage to distinguish between needs and wants financially.


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