# Feeling pressure to make decision.



## wifey82 (Aug 4, 2011)

I had a major disaster this weekend. I have been having problems with my husband for a long time now but have kept everything to myself and not mentioned anything to my family. Anyway I was talking to my mum about something related to my husband and somehow managed to give her information which then started the whole secret telling disaster. It was like being in a car crash and there was nothing I could do to derail the conversation. She was so insistant on me leaving him and moving right back to my childhood home. I got the feeling this has been something she has been preparing for a long time now. Once the brunt of the conversation was over I made my excuses and returned home. And now the calls have started - have I made up my mind yet? Have I spoken to him yet? They are already clearing out my childhood bedroom!! And I feel utterly sick - this is why I keep things secret from her! Yes I know that there are major problems but it feels utterly wrong to be considering leaving. I have spent so long thinking about it and just no! Having my mum rant that I am stupid to say I still love him and have a small glimmer of hope is really not helping!

I just feel so confused. When I am alone with time to think I can talk myself into completely hating him, hating his lack of empathy, his unwillingness to spend time with me, his selfishness, his inability to communicate etc but then for some reason he will decide to spend time with me and being snuggled on the sofa just makes all the hatred disappear. I just cannot hold onto the anger when he is around. 

I am well aware we need to talk and I do agree with some of the things mum said about telling him what I have decided to do to make changes to make my life better and he can either agree to work with me or games over. The thing is what I want is not that great! I want him to spend time with me in the evening, I want him to spend time talking to me - I am not asking for big things here!

I just wish I had not been so stupid as to slip up to my mum! It just feels like a fuse has been lit and the explosion is inevitably going to happen - she is not going to let this go now.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Wifey82, you need to not go into so much detail on the problems. People will focus on the minutiae to the point of obsession.

Yeah, I'm kidding.

Okay, let's try this.

Write another post, and explain in some detail what kind of problems you have been having with your husband fro a long time now. I say this because its hard to give you much constructive advice without knowing this.

If the problems are like "he's having an affair," or "he beats me up," well, that gets one set of advice.

"He doesn't pay enough attention to me and only rubs my feet once a week" is another type of problem and gets different advice.

"He won't let me have any money or friends of my own and he never lets me go anywhere by myself" get different advice again.

So some history and detail is important.

Having said all this, you're married. Without knowing more about the problems, it seems to me like your parents are being overly-possessive. 

You shouldn't have to keep secrets about your marriage from your parents, but unless there are really serious problems like infidelity or abuse, they shouldn't be actively trying to get you out of the marriage and back into your childhood bedroom, either.

If you will go into detail about the problems, you will probably get some advice that will hopefully help you address those problems, and make things better for you!


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