# Do you want your partner to do what you ask them to do?



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

This may seem a strange question, but there has been a lot of discussion over whether a man to who does what his wife / girlfriend asks seems weak and becomes undesirable. (especially sexually undesirable). Some Hollywood movies would tend to back this up. How does it work for you?


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## Capricious (Sep 21, 2016)

I am finding it hard to give a straight answer as I think for me it depends on the situation.
If I ask my husband to do something for me, say washing up, clean toilets etc. I don't see him as being weak just helping out around the house.
However I could not be with a man that cannot think for himself, take charge, is not afraid to make decisions or would let me boss him around.
I guess what I am trying to say is that yes I want a man to play the role of a man (provider, protector, leader). I don't mean this to say that a female should have no say in the relationship or have her needs meet.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

This is a really complex question because I think the basis of the premise is about someone being a doormat, not them simply doing what a woman asks him to do.

I have heard men say they can not feel attraction for a woman who only lives to serve him but has no thoughts or life of her own.

The loss of attraction happens because you can sense this person is not healthy if they are only there to serve you. There's nothing normal about that type of behavior and I think we instinctively feel a lack of attraction for unhealthy people.

But when I've simply asked a man to do something and he does it? Does that make me lose attraction for him? WTF, of course not. Why would I ask him to do something and then lose attraction for him when he does it? 

Oh I know...I know...the RP gang will come in and tell me there are 1000's of studies of college students which will prove that I want to sh*t test the guy and that I don't know what I want myself because I'm a woman and even if I did know, I would lie about it here because I want to make sure only blue pills get dispensed to all and every man, except the lucky alphas who are the only ones who get laid....and of course, no alpha ever does anything a woman asks him to do, duh.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"But when I've simply asked a man to do something and he does it? Does that make me lose attraction for him? WTF, of course not. Why would I ask him to do something and then lose attraction for him when he does it?"

Well, duh, because it's a sh!t test.:wink2: 

Seriously, women appreciate it when their SO honors the request. 

Wonder who coined the term 'sh!t test' and if there were any scientific studies conducted that concluded women actually sit back and daydream about all the possible tests they can devise to determine if the man is the right man for them and how much sh!t the guy will take before saying 'adios'.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Wonder who coined the term 'sh!t test' and if there were any scientific studies conducted that concluded women actually sit back and daydream about all the possible tests they can devise to determine if the man is the right man for them and how much sh!t the guy will take before saying 'adios'.


No of course not because these decisions are made by the "hamster". The "hamster" is the one who devises all the sh*t tests, not us wimmens. You see, the "hamster" is actually smarter than us wimmens because it is the one that controls everything we do, from our "lizard brains".

Not sure how the hamster was put in charge of the lizard brain, but I'm sure all the smart menz of RP will explain it to us as they point to charts and graphs.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

For clarity, I'm talking about a man who does everything his partner asks for, but is otherwise self sufficient / controls the other parts of his life. 

So not a doormat, though some would call it P...whipped. Others would call it dedicated and loving.


The flip side of this (maybe an interesting survey in the men's lounge) is that I'm not attracted to "damsels in distress" who are constantly in need of help. There are some people though who think men ARE attracted to that sort of behavior.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

uhtred said:


> This may seem a strange question, but there has been a lot of discussion over whether a man to who does what his wife / girlfriend asks seems weak and becomes undesirable. (especially sexually undesirable). Some Hollywood movies would tend to back this up. How does it work for you?


But is there men out there who actually do "Everything" a wife or girlfriend says? 

So far, I have not seen or met one, if my husband did everything I asked, well it wouldn't affect or make him sexually undesirable. 

Do you know the names of these movies? 
Those romantic comedies types? 

I was going to say I might ask hubby to watch, but he only watches "serious" films! 

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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

uhtred said:


> For clarity, I'm talking about *a man who does everything his partner asks for*, but is otherwise self sufficient / controls the other parts of his life.
> 
> So not a doormat, though some would call it P...whipped. Others would call it dedicated and loving.
> 
> ...


Like Mrs. Aldi just said....what man on earth does "everything" his partner asks for? I mean, some things just aren't possible to do even if we did want to do everything our partner asked.

If you mean more like that they attempt to do everything asked....ok well...I still don't see the problem with this per se. I would say most men I've been with have been very helpful and courteous and willing to try to do what I've asked, though none of them have ever said out right that they are "pleasers" or that they are constantly trying to make sure they do "everything" I ask of them.

Maybe I just didn't ask them to do unreasonable things? I dunno. The times when they did not do what I asked, there was always a legit reason...even if the reason sometimes was "I don't feel like it, please do it yourself if you want that done".


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Seems like a silly question to me. I would only ask him to do something that I actually wanted him to do, how could that possibly make him look weak?


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Like Mrs. Aldi just said....what man on earth does "everything" his partner asks for? I mean, some things just aren't possible to do even if we did want to do everything our partner asked.
> 
> If you mean more like that they attempt to do everything asked....ok well...I still don't see the problem with this per se. I would say most men I've been with have been very helpful and courteous and willing to try to do what I've asked, though none of them have ever said out right that they are "pleasers" or that they are constantly trying to make sure they do "everything" I ask of them.
> 
> Maybe I just didn't ask them to do unreasonable things? I dunno. The times when they did not do what I asked, there was always a legit reason...even if the reason sometimes was *"I don't feel like it, please do it yourself if you want that done".*


Shh, don't tell anyone, but that is a very good answer to a request that the requestee thinks is a fitness test (aka "sh1t test").


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

How about simply if the guy does his best for what he thinks would make his W happy, within reason (and vice versa). Why would any male or female in their right mind do every single thing the other asks for??? I think most people just want to know that their SO is trying and not taking them for granted. I honestly don't understand the question being asked here, and I think the others here have discussed in more relatable (a real word lol?) terms.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I should have added "reasonable", "almost" etc. I wasn't talking about a crazy edge case, but a general issue.

I've seen it discussed that some women think that men doing what they ask is a sign of weakness. 






Faithful Wife said:


> Like Mrs. Aldi just said....what man on earth does "everything" his partner asks for? I mean, some things just aren't possible to do even if we did want to do everything our partner asked.
> 
> If you mean more like that they attempt to do everything asked....ok well...I still don't see the problem with this per se. I would say most men I've been with have been very helpful and courteous and willing to try to do what I've asked, though none of them have ever said out right that they are "pleasers" or that they are constantly trying to make sure they do "everything" I ask of them.
> 
> Maybe I just didn't ask them to do unreasonable things? I dunno. The times when they did not do what I asked, there was always a legit reason...even if the reason sometimes was "I don't feel like it, please do it yourself if you want that done".


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

tech-novelist said:


> Shh, don't tell anyone, but that is a very good answer to a request that the requestee thinks is a fitness test (aka "sh1t test").


Shhhh...don't tell anyone, but I'm the one who said that to him first, because I have boundaries, and because he asked me to do things I simply didn't want to do while we were still dating (like clean his house). So apparently he was sh*t testing me, wasn't he? He did respect my answer and thought it was a good one. It then became the go-to answer when either of us simply didn't feel like doing whatever the request was.

But of course....to someone who is forever going to try to see RP "proof" everywhere, you will make your assumptions about everything you read. Men rule themselves, women are ruled by hamsters, right? Riiiiiiiiiiight.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Shhhh...don't tell anyone, but I'm the one who said that to him first, because I have boundaries, and because he asked me to do things I simply didn't want to do while we were still dating (like clean his house). So apparently he was sh*t testing me, wasn't he? He did respect my answer and thought it was a good one. It then became the go-to answer when either of us simply didn't feel like doing whatever the request was.
> 
> But of course....to someone who is forever going to try to see RP "proof" everywhere, you will make your assumptions about everything you read. Men rule themselves, women are ruled by hamsters, right? Riiiiiiiiiiight.


The fact that you said it to him first is irrelevant as to whether it is a good answer to a fitness test. Note that I didn't say that women couldn't (or shouldn't) say that to men (or to women or children, for that matter), just that it was a good answer to a fitness test.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

uhtred said:


> I should have added "reasonable", "almost" etc. I wasn't talking about a crazy edge case, but a general issue.
> 
> I've seen it discussed that some women think that men doing what they ask is a sign of weakness.


Can you point out some threads where this is said?

I have only heard some women say they feel showing emotion and having needs is a sign of weakness.

Of course, I think anyone who is clearly a doormat, man or woman, is usually unattractive, so in that sense, I would agree. But I'm not sure that's what you mean, either.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

tech-novelist said:


> The fact that you said it to him first is irrelevant as to whether it is a good answer to a fitness test. Note that I didn't say that women couldn't (or shouldn't) say that to men (or to women or children, for that matter), just that it was a good answer to a fitness test.


The fact that you don't know what I asked him to do which produced this answer from him *IS* relevant to your understanding of whether what I asked was a sh*t test or not....but again, when you see boogie men everywhere, as most RP believers do, you will just have to deal with all those boogie men yourself, since they are figments of your imagination. 

So go on and tell yourself whatever you want, and I will go on knowing what actually happened in my own life.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Every thread has RP philosophy woven through it now. lol

I think you genuinely want to do things for the person you love, when asked...and even some ''extra'' things, when not being asked. ''Sh1t tests'' are for people who are insecure, and don't really get that love doesn't require ''tests.'' 

What I'm realizing in reading some threads and elsewhere online, is that some (many?) men really end up with women who are horrible creatures and think that all women are horrible creatures. It's like eating at a sushi restaurant and having a terrible experience, and then assuming that ALL restaurants are bad. Because...you ate at one restaurant that was bad. :scratchhead:

I believe that men and women have inherent innate characteristics that drive some of our responses, and bring out our ''natures.'' But, to assume that all women treat their partners with the same disrespect that you're receiving from your partner...is kinda short sighted. 

i've read a few threads on here by men who continue to pick drama queens...and then complain about women. That's on the guy, not on the women. I've dated a-holes before ...I don't go around saying ''all men are jerks.'' Or ''all men think alike.'' 

Anyway back to the OP...I think that if you genuinely love someone, you won't test them, and you will want to do things for them. Obviously, within reason.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I agree with much of what the ladies have already written.

While I would want him to do what I ask, reality is I'm not purrrrfect and that means sometimes what I ask of him may not be equitable or even in my/our best interests. There are times he will say no and that's okay. This is where communication and mutual understanding comes in. 

Another couple we know are considering separation. Hubs has spoken with him and one of the things discussed was actually him saying 'No' to her from time to time. The reason isn't because of him appearing weak, or being a doormat (although I adore her husband and do think she might take him for granted) but instead that he's actually not doing _her_ any favors by appeasing her.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> Seriously, women appreciate it when their SO honors the request.


While yes, this is true for me and I feel it's loving, I can also appreciate and respect when he doesn't. That can still be loving. Thing is, I know I can rely on him and trust that. 

With that intention, and the mutual respect he demonstrates to both of us, that becomes bonding and desirable to me.


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## vel (Aug 27, 2016)

I don't ask him to do much, so yes, if I do ask him for something it's usually pretty important. If I can do it myself I would. Well, except for opening jars--I probably could if I kept it up long enough, but he can do it so much easier (and it makes him feel manly anyway)!


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

vel said:


> I don't ask him to do much, so yes, if I do ask him for something it's usually pretty important. If I can do it myself I would. Well, except for opening jars--I probably could if I kept it up long enough, but he can do it so much easier (and it makes him feel manly anyway)!


Get the jar and bash it the lid side on the floor boards, works every time for me. I don't do it on the bench as we have granite bench tops.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I like to think that I DON'T sh!t test people. that is, ask them to do something and then think less of them when they do AND knowing full well that I would feel that way.

I bet if we think about it enough, we can probably identify the type of person and types of situations in which that does happen.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

On my second date with a spoiled princess I called for her at her house and she said she would be a few minutes more getting ready and would I mind washing her dishes while I was waiting.I threw them in her pool and she didn't notice until the following morning when I was leaving.She never went out with me again though,funny that...


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> I have only heard some women say they feel showing emotion and having needs is a sign of weakness.


I think some women are repulsed by men expecting them (women) to take responsibly for their (men) emotions. 

It is one thing to tell your wife you are unhappy. It is another thing to expect her to then make you happy and lash out at her if she cannot change your emotional state. The lashing out is weakness.



Andy1001 said:


> On my second date with a spoiled princess I called for her at her house and she said she would be a few minutes more getting ready and would I mind washing her dishes while I was waiting.I threw them in her pool and she didn't notice until the following morning when I was leaving.She never went out with me again though,funny that...


What was wrong to do her dishes? It was a small job while you were waiting.

And what about just saying no? Is it because you risked not to have sex with her? 

You did not give a good impression of men to her, and probably reinforced her belief that men are selfish. 

It is totally disrespectful to throw her dishes in the pool, even if you felt insulted. If you felt insulted you should have said so.

OP, I think there is nothing wrong for a man to do jobs for his wife. It should be natural. 

She can ask you to take the garbage out. She certainly can do it herself but I think it is the right thing for a man to do. And it does not make a man a doormat to do it even if he does it every week.

What makes you a doormat is doing things to get you laid. Doing things to get a reward is weak.

If you are afraid that doing too much for your wife will make you a doormat, you probably are already a doormat. And you are certainly insecure.

On TAM I get the sense that everything has to be negotiated, that men want to be sure they are not doing too much. I think it is the 50/50 Syndrome (tm, as John would say).


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> On my second date with a spoiled princess I called for her at her house and she said she would be a few minutes more getting ready and would I mind washing her dishes while I was waiting.I threw them in her pool and she didn't notice until the following morning when I was leaving.She never went out with me again though,funny that...


You threw the dishes in the pool? Now there is some seriously messed up, passive aggressive behaviour.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> You threw the dishes in the pool? Now there is some seriously messed up, passive aggressive behaviour.


This was my first time in her home.No offer of a drink or even ask me to sit down and make myself at home.I still slept with her though so I got what I wanted.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Duguesclin said:


> I think some women are repulsed by men expecting them (women) to take responsibly for their (men) emotions.
> 
> It is one thing to tell your wife you are unhappy. It is another thing to expect her to then make you happy and lash out at her if she cannot change your emotional state. The lashing out is weakness.
> 
> ...


She was not my wife and never likely to be.When someone comes to my house for the first time(or any time) I don't ask them to wash my car or sweepthe floor while I get ready.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> On my second date with a spoiled princess I called for her at her house and she said she would be a few minutes more getting ready and would I mind washing her dishes while I was waiting.I threw them in her pool and she didn't notice until the following morning when I was leaving.She never went out with me again though,funny that...


If you don't live there in the house you shouldn't be excepted to wash someone else's mess! 
Throwing them in the pool though... 


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> On my second date with a spoiled princess I called for her at her house and she said she would be a few minutes more getting ready and would I mind washing her dishes while I was waiting.I threw them in her pool and she didn't notice until the following morning when I was leaving.She never went out with me again though,funny that...


I'm sure a simple 'no' would have sufficed. 

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MrsAldi said:


> If you don't live there in the house you shouldn't be excepted to wash someone else's mess!
> Throwing them in the pool though...


Where did it say he was "expected" to do it? I thought she asked him if he "would mind" doing it?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> This was my first time in her home.No offer of a drink or even ask me to sit down and make myself at home.*I still slept with her though so I got what I wanted*.


That was the goal all along?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

If I ask my husband to do something, it is absolutely because I want him to do it. More likely, I need him to do it. And same for him with me.

I can't imagine a husband being considered weak because he fulfills his wife's requests.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

jld said:


> Where did it say he was "expected" to do it? I thought she asked him if he "would mind" doing it?


If I met a man for the second time at his house & he asked me if I "wouldn't mind" doing his dishes? 

I'm not in a relationship with him or married to him, I've only met him twice and he asks if I "wouldn't mind"?!

What do say to that? 
If a man asks it could be construed as sexist, but if I women asks it's a favour? 

It's just plain rudeness, asking a stranger/date to clean your dishes if you don't know them for long. 



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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Andy1001 said:


> On my second date with a spoiled princess I called for her at her house and she said she would be a few minutes more getting ready and would I mind washing her dishes while I was waiting.I threw them in her pool and she didn't notice until the following morning when I was leaving.She never went out with me again though,funny that...


In defense of Andy, I also don't like it when people try it on. No one wonder some of us are a little bit suspicious quite often. 

The male equilavent is usually promising a date to go out o dinner and him picking the lady up. At the last minute, he downgrades it all to pizza, video and get over here yourself. 

While I may not go so far as putting dirty dishes in the swimming pool, well, sometimes "playing crazy " is a worthwhile pursuit. After all, chlorine does have some cleansing properties.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MrsAldi said:


> If I met a man for the second time at his house & he asked me if I "wouldn't mind" doing his dishes?
> 
> I'm not in a relationship with him or married to him, I've only met him twice and he asks if I "wouldn't mind"?!
> 
> ...


You are certainly entitled to your viewpoint. And I myself would not ask a date, or probably anyone outside my family, to do my dishes, or any housework. I like things done a certain way, and it usually works better if I just do them myself.

But others may see this differently. I could see a friendly, generous, just all around good guy, short on time, asking a date if she would mind doing his dishes, and her being fine with it, because of how she feels about him in general. 

The whole phrase, "Would you mind" feels like a sincere question to me, not an imposition. He was certainly free to say No, correct?

I could see Dug offering to help a woman out that way, if he saw it needed to be done, even if she had not asked him first. And he would not feel one bit offended if she did ask. He enjoys working and helping out, no matter what the job. Some people are just very giving that way, and do not take offense easily.

Honestly, the more I think about it, it is good that people be open and honest with each other about this sort of thing right away. It is a "sorter." The woman Andy was with figured out right away she did not want to be with him, nor he with her. Except he wanted to make sure he, in his words, got what he wanted first.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> This was my first time in her home.No offer of a drink or even ask me to sit down and make myself at home.I still slept with her though so I got what I wanted.


You must be so proud of yourself.

Ironically, you are the one sounding like a spoiled princess.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

@Andy1001, you went overboard with throwing them in the pool. You could have just dumped them in the trash can and saved yourself a trip outside (that's what I would have done).


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> That was the goal all along?


Of course.
In my defence I was a lot younger then so I think now I would just laugh and tell her do them herself.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> @Andy1001, you went overboard with throwing them in the pool. You could have just dumped them in the trash can and saved yourself a trip outside (that's what I would have done).


Well they were spotless when she got them out!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> @Andy1001, you went overboard with throwing them in the pool. You could have just dumped them in the trash can and saved yourself a trip outside (that's what I would have done).


But then he can't play crazy and say "but I thought chlorine was good for cleaning things......."

I think people try it on because there is no downside to it in their minds...... which suggests how little they think of you then......

My exH accused me of "not trying hard enough" to get along with the wife of one of his friends. So what DID you expect me to do? why didn't you tell me your expectations a whole lot sooner?

So after that, whenever I met the wives of his friends I would call them and then tell my husband "I'm trying really hard, what should I do next?......" A couple iterations of that that accusation "you didn't try hard enough" was washed out of his usage.

My mother was like that as well. Constantly asking about high school classmate that she would continue to see at church but knew that she and I were never friends. After having said "maybe I should call her and ask her for you" has certainly cooled my mother's jets.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> Where did it say he was "expected" to do it? I thought she asked him if he "would mind" doing it?


What she said was "I'm not ready yet,there are dirty dishes in the sink,will you wash them for me and put them away" I did wash them,chlorine is great for dishes if you soak them long enough.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> I like to think that I DON'T sh!t test people. that is, ask them to do something and then think less of them when they do *AND knowing full well that I would feel that way*.
> 
> I bet if we think about it enough, we can probably identify the type of person and types of situations in which that does happen.


Sh!t testing doesn't have to be intentional. In fact a lot of the time it isn't.

So not knowing that you are testing doesn't mean that your request isn't a sh!t test.

Of course that leads to the question: If you don't know that you are doing it, how are you supposed to stop doing it?

Part of the answer is that you can learn to tell when you are doing it. But even if you can't tell all the time, your husband can learn to deal with it properly so it doesn't cause a problem between you.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Andy1001 said:


> What she said was "I'm not ready yet,there are dirty dishes in the sink,will you wash them for me and put them away" I did wash them*,chlorine is great for dishes if you soak them long enough*.


that's the spirit!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> What she said was "I'm not ready yet,there are dirty dishes in the sink,will you wash them for me and put them away" I did wash them,chlorine is great for dishes if you soak them long enough.


Why didn't you just say, "No, I'd rather not"?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

tech-novelist said:


> Sh!t testing doesn't have to be intentional. In fact a lot of the time it isn't.
> 
> So not knowing that you are testing doesn't mean that your request isn't a sh!t test.
> 
> ...


The answer is to kill that dam hamster. It's just an ugly little rodent that gets off on getting wimmen into trouble.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> Why didn't you just say, "No, I'd rather not"?


But where's the fun in that.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> But where's the fun in that.


Andy, I don't think throwing her dishes in the pool, but making sure you get to have sex with her, shows good character.

Good character = true fun.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> The answer is to kill that dam hamster. It's just an ugly little rodent that gets off on getting wimmen into trouble.


I don't think that is any easier than for men to kill the > that tells them to do excessively risky things to attract women.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> Andy, I don't think throwing her dishes in the pool, but making sure you get to have sex with her, shows good character.
> 
> Good character = true fun.


Well I did bring her out to dinner and a nightclub It really was just a joke and she did see the funny side after a while.(OK a long while).
By the way I have read a lot of your posts and I think you take everything very seriously,I mean nobody got hurt it was just a few dishes at the end of the day.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

tech-novelist said:


> I don't think that is any easier than for men to kill the > that tells them to do excessively risky things to attract women.


But, are they doing it to attract women or are they doing it to get applause from their buds?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Well I did bring her out to dinner and a nightclub It really was just a joke and she did see the funny side after a while.(OK a long while).
> By the way I have read a lot of your posts and I think you take everything very seriously,I mean nobody got hurt it was just a few dishes at the end of the day.


If you both ended up laughing about it, then good enough.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> But, are they doing it to attract women or are they doing it to get applause from their buds?


It can be some of both, but since a man's raising his status with his buds often also gives him a boost with women as a leader in his group, it's very hard to disentangle.

However, I'm pretty sure if there is a conflict, attracting women is going to win out. Evolution is a hard taskmaster.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I suppose it depends on the frequency and reasonableness of the requests, and how they are made. Nobody wants a willing slave as a partner. Well, I guess some people do, but i don't.

Someone who is truly loving doesn't ask their partner to do every little thing for them. I would never expect my partner to clean, take out the garbage, do the laundry, iron, load the dishwasher, cook dinner etc. by themselves if I were married. However, if I was swamped, and I made what i felt was a reasonable request - please can you load the dishwasher and set it off while I do XYZ, I would respect and appreciate him if he followed through. I find flakiness or unreliability to be HIGHLY unattractive. 

One thing I learned from my failed marriage was that when 3you move in with someone, you need to have a DETAILED division of household tasks talk. It's super-boring, but if you discover you're moving in with someone who expects you to do all the housework, and says something vague like "we'll both help out around the house" but really means he will do one task, say, take out the garbage each day, then that wasn't detailed enough. So, assuming, you have had this talk, and your requests are not burdensome or unreasonable, I think it's expected for BOTH partners to make occasional requests of one another and for the other person to follow through, or try and follow through, barring unforseen circumstances.

I have in the past asked a boyfriend to change lightbulbs in a high spot because he was very tall and I couldn't reach without getting out a rather rickety old ladder. He never did. But we weren't living together, so I really can't blame him for that. But one of the reasons I ended up breaking up with him was that I couldn't rely on him. If you can't rely on someone to be good to their word, you can't trust them, and trust is key.

I think what is probably more upsetting than someone doing what you ask them to (who doesn't like reliability in a partner) is saying you will do something and then not. I would feel more respect for someone who isn't going to complete a task if they would just politely decline, or say they are busy, or whatever the reason is, than if they say they will, or that they'll get to it, then not follow through. That along with someone offering spontaneously to do something kind, and never following through: as in "Oh, I love gardening, I don't have a garden. Can I help you mow your lawn sometime?" It's not that I would ask a partner I'm living with to do that necessarily, but if someone offers to do you a kindness, and doesn't follow through, it erodes trust after a few times. The latter in particular, I find hurtful, because it's as though they have a kind impulse, but you're not worth the trouble of the follow-through.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

The concept is discussed frequently in the "red pill" threads where men are told that women are actually attracted to men who do chores, hold purses, or otherwise do what their partners want. I'm trying to see if any women actually feel that way.



Faithful Wife said:


> Can you point out some threads where this is said?
> 
> I have only heard some women say they feel showing emotion and having needs is a sign of weakness.
> 
> Of course, I think anyone who is clearly a doormat, man or woman, is usually unattractive, so in that sense, I would agree. But I'm not sure that's what you mean, either.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"That along with someone offering spontaneously to do something kind, and never following through..."

I suspect that they make those offers with no intention of following through. It makes them look good and that's all they care about.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

To me asking someone you barely know to do your dishes is pretty unreasonable. It puts them on the spot of either needing to sound petty for turning down a request from someone they are dating, or doing a menial job. 

In a long term relationship it would be fine. 




Duguesclin said:


> I think some women are repulsed by men expecting them (women) to take responsibly for their (men) emotions.
> 
> It is one thing to tell your wife you are unhappy. It is another thing to expect her to then make you happy and lash out at her if she cannot change your emotional state. The lashing out is weakness.
> 
> ...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I believe my husband is naturally a more *"submissive" male"*.. He pretty much always does what I want.. he is the type of guy if I ask him where he wants to go, what he wants to do.. he will turn it around, asking ME what I want -right after I ask him.... He is a pleaser... he deeply cares for my happiness...our family's happiness... this may sound like he's a pathetic nice guy.. but he's not.... he's not suffering.. he's not angry inside.. there is no passive aggressiveness.. 

I do feel our comparability is a major player in why we get along so well.. the stuff I enjoy doing.. so does he ! We're just 2 peas in a pod like that...

For the times where he wouldn't be so happy.. sure he says something!! For instance...I love Chinese, he doesn't so he will speak up if I choose a place to go he's not crazy about & there are surely times where I insist he chooses.. or I dig for ideas... ya know.. I want his happiness too!! 

Some posters here have insisted my husband sounds "ALPHA".. but doesn't this point to BETA behavior.. he's naturally freaking BETA (though I'm not going to say it's Bad Beta)....and I don't mind.. I might as well admit right here.. I am probably more attracted  to submissive males... this is not a subject much talked about on TAM and I doubt many men would even admit they are ... not sure I want to start a thread on it (??) 

My husband wouldn't care a hoot if someone spoke about him like this even.. he'd just smile and say he's happy.. He is who he is.. Life is good.. this is his attitude.. I do admire that.. and it's very appealing to me .

I have laughed at him on occasion , for asking my input on buying Plow parts...I might say to him.. "Come on honey.. I know NOTHING about that plow... this is your domain!"... . he's just one of those guys who DOES share with me everything that is going on, or if he's thinking about doing something... (but again... I love this ...I wouldn't even want it any other way)..

And I am similar.. I take most everything to him... I deeply respect him, want his input.. I don't go before him.. 

I am still very attracted to my husband...he is surely not lacking for sex, my flirting with him & wanting to jump him any time of the day, or night.... Intimacy with him is my "high"...

He is a very responsible man, I never have to "nag" him, he is ON IT.. he has provided for our family of 8 ...this is a tremendous load on a man, kinda like this >>







... I do my part to make sure he gets adequate rest, he's never had to help me with "my stuff" (cleaning , cooking, etc)....We're a Team....he's never been one to complain.. feel it's too much.. he's amazing in these ways.. but yes.. he's a Giver.. he's a Pleaser... He's always spoken in a way to convey ...

"Your happiness IS my happiness".. and lived that before me..


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

There's a fine line between being considerate and responsive, and being a doormat.

Some guys are better at finding it than others.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I believe my husband is naturally a more *"submissive" male"*.. He pretty much always does what I want.. he is the type of guy if I ask him where he wants to go, what he wants to do.. he will turn it around, asking ME what I want -right after I ask him.... He is a pleaser... he deeply cares for my happiness...our family's happiness... this may sound like he's a pathetic nice guy.. but he's not.... he's not suffering.. he's not angry inside.. there is no passive aggressiveness..
> 
> I do feel our comparability is a major player in why we get along so well.. the stuff I enjoy doing.. so does he ! We're just 2 peas in a pod like that...
> 
> ...


I went from being an Alpha male to the kind of passive easygoing guy you describe your husband as.It was only in my personal life not my business life but it happened so gradually I didn't notice until my then fiancée completely overstepped the mark and told me she was going to do the one thing that we had agreed was a deal breaker.
This was a tattoo believe it or not.I hate tattoos with a passion.I broke up with her,called off the wedding and did everything I could to get her to leave me alone.She was stunned that I would react like this because I always went with the flow and did whatever she wanted.
I started to remember lots of ways that she had(in my mind) belittled me and I just could not let it go.We are still broke up as I write.There was a lot of outside influences as well but it was the talk of a tattoo that split us up.
The reason I tell you this is you could have been describing me when you described your husband.Just remember everyone has a breaking point and it may be something so insignificant that triggers it that you will be shocked.
Your husband sounds like a great guy so it will probably never happen.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Faithful Wife said:


> *Maybe I just didn't ask them to do unreasonable things? * I dunno. The times when they did not do what I asked, there was always a legit reason...even if the reason sometimes was "I don't feel like it, please do it yourself if you want that done".


 And this is a key point, isn't it...

I can't think of a time where my husband has ever said to me in 30 + yrs ..."I don't feel like it or you need to do that yourself"... but granted.. I don't think I ask him for unreasonable things.. as far as doing little stuff .... I am "on it" as much as he is "on it" doing his share... 

If anything.. it's more of a "I want to get to this, can we start?" about some Home project that he is more qualified to do - but I am right there offering to help him tackle it..he can easily live with that.. I did push more home projects back in the day.. when I/we wanted to sell our 2nd house.. but it was good.. it sold in 3 weeks ! If we never did any of those things.. I just think it would have been a difficult sale... we had to get the place in better shape..


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Adding to what I've said earlier in the thread...no one really finds a ''yes person'' to be attractive, and not because they appear weak, but rather it's just boring (and sad) to be with someone who would do anything and everything you ask, without question. Conflict and challenges are natural parts to a relationship.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Andy1001 said:


> I went from being an Alpha male to the kind of passive easygoing guy you describe your husband as.It was only in my personal life not my business life but it happened so gradually I didn't notice until my then fiancée completely overstepped the mark and told me she was going to do the one thing that we had agreed was a deal breaker.
> This was a tattoo believe it or not.I hate tattoos with a passion.I broke up with her,called off the wedding and did everything I could to get her to leave me alone.She was stunned that I would react like this because I always went with the flow and did whatever she wanted.
> I started to remember lots of ways that she had(in my mind) belittled me and I just could not let it go.We are still broke up as I write.There was a lot of outside influences as well but it was the talk of a tattoo that split us up.
> The reason I tell you this is you could have been describing me when you described your husband.Just remember everyone has a breaking point and it may be something so insignificant that triggers it that you will be shocked.
> Your husband sounds like a great guy so it will probably never happen.


Thank you for sharing.. my husband hates tattoos, and would feel the same.. again..we're compatible... I'd never get one.. 

Unlike your story.. I don't feel he was ever an Alpha male, before we met, neither at work... though and I don't mean to sound like I am puffing him up too much.. he's a hell of a worker.. I've laughed because his work clothes are Soot dirty, I can't get them clean!.. looks like he crawled out of a Mine shaft... and some of those co-workers.. well... you can see they aren't doing their job.. they look like the Hollywood Railroader.. my husband has won the highest respect from the boss from hell -and it's because he is a superb worker, he's even been told so.. but would HE ever want to be a Boss... NEVER.. that's just not him.. 

I could see me being a "belittling wife" If I lost respect, my mouth would get the best of me... but when I do respect.. when I see how MUCH he gives. what sort of man he is, his character.... I want more so to "validate" and do all I can to enhance his life.. I want to give back too.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I can't think of a time where my husband has ever said to me in 30 + yrs ...*"I don't feel like it or you need to do that yourself"*...


I don't remember Dug ever saying the bolded, either. He was pretty appalled by that guy a few weeks ago refusing to move some chairs for his girlfriend . . .


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

When two people are compatible, it is easy to not sweat the small stuff. Whether a man is alpha, beta or sigma doesn't mean a thing as they are only labels. A man who can be seen as a pushover with one woman may turn into a domineering jerk with another. It's all in their personal interactions. Finding that person who clicks with you is the key to a smooth relationship.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> When two people are compatible, it is easy to not sweat the small stuff. Whether a man is alpha, beta or sigma doesn't mean a thing as they are only labels.


The Alpha designation in a relationship indicates a lot more than just a "label", it defines the entire relationship dynamic.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> You must be so proud of yourself.
> 
> Ironically, you are the one sounding like a spoiled princess.


I hadn't thought about this in years until today and I got a good laugh at the memory.Ive just messaged her on Facebook to see does she remember and she called me back and we had a good laugh about it.Her husband came on the line and told me any time she gets too snotty with him he tells her the dishes are going in the pool.It probably was a bit over the top but it was so funny the following morning when I was leaving and she seen her cups floating in the pool.That was about ten years ago and I can still picture her face.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

caruso said:


> The Alpha designation in a relationship indicates a lot more than just a "label", it defines the entire relationship dynamic.


Personality types and designations in hierarchy are two different animals.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Lila said:


> I'm sure a simple 'no' would have sufficed.
> 
> Sent from mobile using Tapatalk


Saying "no" without any explanation would have created an uncomfortable situation.

Throwing the dishes in the pool is setting the state for ultimate conflict so when he did that he obviously never expected to see her again and it's a really messed up thing to do to a person who you have no issue with other than that they asked you to do a simple chore.

If it was me, and a woman asked me to do her dishes on a second date there's no way I'd comply because that's just really lame and a woman won't respect a guy who would even entertain such a thing. I think I'd say sorry I had to take a call and just pretend to be playing on my phone when she came back into the room.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> Personality types and designations in hierarchy are two different animals.


Describing someone as an Alpha describes their personality while also designating their rank in a relationship.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

No, it doesn't.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Deidre* said:


> Adding to what I've said earlier in the thread...no one really finds a ''yes person'' to be attractive, and not because they appear weak, but rather it's just boring (and sad) to be with someone who would do anything and everything you ask, without question. Conflict and challenges are natural parts to a relationship.


 I can't say I find my husband challenging much at all...though I haven't gotten bored in all these years.. been with him since I was 15...this has to account for something...

Maybe this makes ME boring?? (and maybe we would be in certain circles!)... We are a couple who enjoys more of the simpler things in life, country & family oriented... I very much enjoy his dry sense of humor, he may be on the quiet side.. but there is some "deviate" in there..and he surely surprises me now & then, I've been doubled over laughing till I peed my pants... Love those moments..

I've thought about this.. I think what women want is SOME "EDGE"...I did a thread on that years ago.. to reason it out for myself even.. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...your-edge-can-you-explain-have-you-grown.html


I feel my personality works well with his.. to get more "oomph" out of him that a more passive woman may not be able to do.. Yrs ago now.. a good friend of ours referred to my husband as the *“Perfectly timed nonchalant dry humored saltine cracker”* matched with *“a cup of hot tobacco sauce”* (yeah that is ME).... 

We do fight on occasion.. it's mostly been about me wanting him to be rougher in the bedroom.. he could raise the Alpha bar some here.. (this brings some challenges one could say)... yet still...I consider us a great match....as he's always been more attracted to "aggressive" females... (I don't mean this in a negative way , he wants a caring loving wife)...*but naturally assertive, going after what she wants*....like HIS BODY...Yes ! ....I have some "dominatrix" in me (not that either of us get into the whole Dom-Sub thing) ...we laughed so hard about this once.. reading the steps for him to be a Sub... I haven't gotten the whip out yet







... he told me he wasn't THAT submissive.. ha ha


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I love your posts, @SimplyAmorous 

I think that you are in a very healthy and mutually respectful relationship, as I finally am in, now. And you don't question that if your husband asks something of you, that he has a motive. I think for some relationships, that is lacking, and thus...doing anything and everything without question, would be a problem. It's all about trust, I guess.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Andy1001 said:


> On my second date with a spoiled princess I called for her at her house and she said she would be a few minutes more getting ready and would I mind washing her dishes while I was waiting.I threw them in her pool and she didn't notice until the following morning when I was leaving.She never went out with me again though,funny that...


I must admit this is pretty funny -how you handled that in a moment.. still going a little overboard though...

I just can't imagine asking something like this.. Generally we care to give the greatest impression when we just meet someone.. sure we let our hair down in time, our more annoying habits or demands showing up.... but starting off LIKE THIS.. Oh my!



vel said:


> I don't ask him to do much, so yes, if I do ask him for something it's usually pretty important. If I can do it myself I would. Well, except for opening jars--I probably could if I kept it up long enough, but he can do it so much easier (and it makes him feel manly anyway)!


Personally I wouldn't even ask my husband to kill a snake.. I'd do it myself.. I do pound the jar on something most times but I've asked him to open a few jars over the years ...


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> I don't remember Dug ever saying the bolded, either. He was pretty appalled by that guy a few weeks ago refusing to move some chairs for his girlfriend . . .


Now that would have been funny,throwing her chairs in the pool.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

My husband wouldn't back down from a rabid raccoon until I threatened to turn the hose on him. Now, spiders always made him nervous. So, I took it upon myself to be the official spider killer in the house.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Deidre* said:


> I love your posts, @SimplyAmorous
> 
> I think that you are in a very healthy and mutually respectful relationship, as I finally am in, now. And you don't question that if your husband asks something of you, *that he has a motive. *I think for some relationships, that is lacking, and thus...doing anything and everything without question, would be a problem. It's all about trust, I guess.


You're probably on to something there.. maybe some can give examples of this.. (The ulterior motives at play)... I can't say I've ever felt that.. or even thought about it...

Then there is this "Covert contract" thing we've all seen discussed here on TAM...if I am explaining it correctly...when one does something (helps out) ..then EXPECTS something in return, even if the other may have no idea they are expecting it.. how this can cause many problems... 

Motives again -misunderstood. This is a communication breakdown.. (and true, sometimes couples just can't see things eye to eye so they resort to these other ways, unfortunately)

This is how I look at it.. if a couple is struggling with "expecting" more from the other.. if they feel the other is LAZY or "taking advantage".. 1st they should evaluate themselves to see if they are being "Fair" with that assessment.. (look upon each other's plates so to speak)

If they still feel they are being taken advantage of.. they really need to clear the air.. sit down and haggle this out...work towards some understanding.... make a chart if they have to, so each can do their part/ role in getting tasks done.. discuss the little things too.. it can't hurt..

I think today....so often it's this rushed lifestyle.. many couples are carrying too much on their plates...stress is a huge factor.. this isn't helping matters.....all these modern conveniences.. but still we struggle to have the time... 

I see my husband as one who goes out of his way to help.. but I am too... neither of us are procrastinators so to speak.. we want to "get on it" and get it done.. so we have more leisure time together.. that's our aim.. that's what drives us.. We love to relax too.. we just want to do it together...

I should be out there helping him right now.. he's doing something with one of the cars.. I am being lazy.. He didn't ask.. but I know he's not the type to ask either.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jld said:


> But others may see this differently. I could see a friendly, generous, just all around good guy, short on time, asking a date if she would mind doing his dishes, and her being fine with it, because of how she feels about him in general.
> 
> The whole phrase, "Would you mind" feels like a sincere question to me, not an imposition. He was certainly free to say No, correct?


 I can see your point too.. and honestly this would not bother me a WINK.. if that was me and the guy asked.. but honestly I would never never never ask a guy to do that .. but that's just me...



> I could see Dug offering to help a woman out that way, if he saw it needed to be done,* even if she had not asked him first*. And he would not feel one bit offended if she did ask. He enjoys working and helping out, no matter what the job. Some people are just very giving that way, and do not take offense easily.


 He definitely has a good attitude.. love it... this would be so appreciated...

I think this is my point...just really love the scenarios *where one didn't have to ask*....*and the other naturally takes initiative* (if only this happened more often)... this goes a long long way -in feeling cared for, that someone has a "teamwork" spirit..


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

...


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

IF a guy I just started dating asked me to wash his dishes, my assumption would be that he does not think highly of me. That I amount to not much more than a housekeeper for him. Would'nt that be great? A housekeeper who gives sex sessions as well.

Just in general, if someone asks me to do something that I deem inappropriate for the occasion, my assumption is the same.

That's like when you invite a friend (or someone you thought was a friend) to your house for dinner and they say "Great, I'd love to. Just remind me." Uh, if you value the invitation then I don't need to remind you. I only remind people who pay me..... like work relationship.

I bet that same person doesn't treat everybody else like that. But then even if they do, I maintain the same position. Per haps we can conclude that we just don't have the same values.


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

I don't think it's unreasonable for my husband to do everything I ask as long as my requests are respectfull, doable and not excessive, (all the time asking with no break). I mean I do everything he asked me for in the bedroom as long as they are for me, respectfull, doable and not excessive so I feel it should be a two way street. If he started telling me no all the time, he may very well hear it back all the time. Of course a no here and there with a good reason is bound to happen. 

So I guess in answer to your questions, yes I do want my spouse to do everything I ask, but understand it's not possible to fufill my requests all the time. 

Sent from my D2206 using Tapatalk


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Personal said:


> If you didn't want to do the dishes the mature "manly" response would have been to simply say "no, I'm not doing that"
> 
> Do you normally throw temper tantrums when someone asks you to do something?
> 
> ...


The whole point in me taking her out was to sleep with her.I knew that and she knew that.If I had said no about washing the dishes then she would have got annoyed and the evening would have been ruined.
She learned a lesson that night and I don't think she will ever try to pull that stunt again.
Anyway it's not like I threw her in the pool with her dishes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Andy1001 said:


> The whole point in me taking her out was to sleep with her.I knew that and she knew that.If I had said no about washing the dishes then she would have got annoyed and the evening would have been ruined.
> 
> She learned a lesson that night and I don't think she will ever try to pull that stunt again.
> Anyway it's not like I threw her in the pool with her dishes.


So the two of you talked before going out an agreed that there would be sex on your date? Is that what you are saying.

If she had noticed that you threw her dishes in the sink before you slept with her, the evening would have been ruined. So your excuse for not saying "NO" does not make sense.

My take on her asking you to do the dishes is that she was joking.

I've done that before... with a straight face asked someone to clean house, do the dishes, etc while they waited for me to get ready. I've even said it with a straight face. They laughed. They got the joke... and did not even throw my things in the pool.

I've had people say that to me too... my reply has been things like "Sure, While I'm at it I'll shine your floors tool" and then laugh.

Do you always take everything so darn seriously?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> So the two of you talked before going out an agreed that there would be sex on your date? Is that what you are saying.
> 
> If she had noticed that you threw her dishes in the sink before you slept with her, the evening would have been ruined. So your excuse for not saying "NO" does not make sense.
> 
> ...


She was not joking,this girl lived on her own in a house her parents bought for her and she had a maid five days a week.But it really was just a joke and she did see the funny side of it when she had cooled down.Back then I would say ninety percent of dates I went on ended up in bed.Im a while out of the dating scene but I don't think much has changed.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

...


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

In our early days of dating, young and stupid, hubs and his friends had been partying and he phoned me, with obvious male chuckles in the background, asking in a jovial way if I would go over to cook for them / bring food. My answer was an agitated no. He then switched gears '...but I want to see you...' 

'Get a photograph' was my response. 

A short time later, he was at my door with pizza for us to share, 'A photograph wasn't cutting it, I wanted to see you.'


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> In our early days of dating, young and stupid, hubs and his friends had been partying and he phoned me, with obvious male chuckles in the background, asking in a jovial way if I would go over to cook for them / bring food. My answer was an agitated no. He then switched gears '...but I want to see you...'
> 
> 'Get a photograph' was my response.
> 
> A short time later, he was at my door with pizza for us to share, 'A photograph wasn't cutting it, I wanted to see you.'


In college, a guy invited me over for dinner. he had the food but asked me to prepare it. I said you invited me here for dinner, not to cook for you. He said, you can leave then and I did.

I saw him on campus once. He apologised. Never had the chance to find out what a nice person he could be.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Asking a date to do the dishes (and actually being serious about it) is the stupidest thing I have heard lol.

As I mentioned before, I see nothing wrong with doing something asked for by a loved one *within reason.* However, there is a fine line between asking for help and treating your SO like a servant. 

There is a lightbulb that is out in our house, do I seriously need my W asking me every 6 months to change it??? >

Outside of what is being asked, I find doing things for your SO just b/c you want to, no matter how small, goes a long way, and hopefully it is reciprocated as well.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Asking a date to do the dishes (and actually being serious about it) is the stupidest thing I have heard lol.
> 
> As I mentioned before, I see nothing wrong with doing something asked for by a loved one *within reason.* However, there is a fine line between asking for help and treating your SO like a servant.
> 
> ...


But the lightbulb has to want to change.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> In college, a guy invited me over for dinner. he had the food but asked me to prepare it. I said you invited me here for dinner, not to cook for you. He said, you can leave then and I did.
> 
> I saw him on campus once. He apologised. Never had the chance to find out what a nice person he could be.


You should have brought the food with you when you left and cooked it at home.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I know this thread started out asking women if they respect their partner when he complies with every request.

But I think this is a dilemma for both man and women and all levels of relationships.

I met a woman who ran an IT Help desk business. She thought that when she was bidding for contracts that doing little favors during that bidding period would help her chances. And of course, IT Help Desk....... what office doesn't always have at least one or two items at any one time that could use some fixing or finetuning. Finally, she saw no connection between performing these favors and getting the business.... so she stopped.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> I know this thread started out asking women if they respect their partner when he complies with every request.
> 
> But I think this is a dilemma for both man and women and all levels of relationships.
> 
> I met a woman who ran an IT Help desk business. She thought that when she was bidding for contracts that doing little favors during that bidding period would help her chances. And of course, IT Help Desk....... what office doesn't always have at least one or two items at any one time that could use some fixing or finetuning. Finally, she saw no connection between performing these favors and getting the business.... so she stopped.


This behaviour is very common in business and it is very easy to get taken advantage of.There is a woman who I use for interpretation of documents which can be in either German or Japanese,I was delighted to meet her because she is a godsend to my business.I deal with a few electronics manufacturers but mainly one huge German one and two Japanese.Sometimes I have to ring her at ungodly hours due to time differences between the US and Europe or Asia,however I always pay her for her time.We have an agreed hourly rate and even if I talk to her for thirty seconds I will pay her for the full hour and I always pay her by the end of the month.
She tells me of how some other businesses are a nightmare to deal with,counting the minutes that she works and then leaving her waiting for her money.She also gets calls asking her to "do me a favour" and interpret something and of course no money is paid.
My business is in software leasing which I developed from scratch and it is very lucrative but it is very important to know exactly what is being requested,so I have no problem paying people what they deserve.It is the best way to do business because at this stage she only interprets for me,and is a part time lecturer at the local uni.I can call her at any time and her husband is fine with this arrangement.They got married recently and I was invited to the wedding and she made a point of telling me that it was the money I paid her that paid for the wedding.
I kind of got off topic but people need to have more self respect and make sure they get paid for their work and not taken advantage of.This is also one of the last bastions of sexism because it seems women get taken advantage of a lot more than men.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I just wanted to add this...I spoke of my husband as a more "submission male" earlier on this thread as he's always been one to put me, the kids 1st.. 

I told him what I said.....I wanted to know how HE FELT, what's his take...the word "submissive" -he didn't care for....he said he feels he is somewhere in the middle (not dominate.. but neither submissive)..... he did tell me if I was overbearing & didn't treat him right.. he'd not put up with that and leave me. (as anyone should)....

"Submissive" to him - would be someone who put up with near anything.. so he disagreed he's submissive... even if he's wired very much a Giver, generally happy to please his wife... So yeah...thought I'd come back here to add his 2 cents ....


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