# Try babysitting to get her in the mood



## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

I started out calling this post "babysitting as foreplay" and thought better of it. 

So...last night my BF initiated sex and I immediately stiffened up. Sex was the LAST thing I wanted to do. I made myself go through with it. As I'm laying there and he's sucking on my nipples I had this feeling like I did when my kids were little and I was breastfeeding - like nails on a chalkboard. I just wanted to get away and stop being pawed at. 

This is not physical. I know that. I"m going through a divorce from my second husband who was the LD partner. I was starved for sex. For those of you that have read my recent posts, you know that I have realized that my BF is not the man for me and we are going through an excrutiatingly slow breakup, so there are particular issues with this particular man, but this feeling of wanting to get away during sex seemed to coincide with a weekend of not having any time to myself and being around people all damn day. I'm an introvert and I know I need time by myself to rejuvenate emotionally. 

I wonder if one of the reasons a partner might seem LD or shut down sexually is because they are overstimulated by people. Especially women with small children constantly touching and interrupting them. Being touched by their husbands can feel like just another person sucking the life out of them. Anyone else have an experience like this? For you men with LD wives and small children, I wonder if it might not do you good (i.e. get you more sex) if you took the kids for a few hours on a regular basis to let your wife have time to herself? Either take the kids out so she can take a bubble bath, or tell her to go to a coffee shop and chill. 

And if you don't have small children - maybe just encouraging your wife to take some time to herself would be a good idea. Even though my kids are teenagers now, I constantly feel obligated to be responsive to people and have a hard time setting my own boundaries but when my partner says "Why don't you take a bubble bath?" or in some other way gives me "permission" to take time to myself, I feel sexually warmer and more open to him.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

firebelly said:


> Anyone else have an experience like this? For you men with LD wives and small children, I wonder if it might not do you good (i.e. get you more sex) if you took the kids for a few hours on a regular basis to let your wife have time to herself?


Of course. She is very grateful when I take them off her hands, especially when they are crying and whining, fighting - anything stressful. Then she gets to relax. 

Not just if you want to have sex with her. If it is that time of the month it is going to really stress her out. So even if you aren't going to have sex it's just a nice thing to do for her.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

We all need time to ourselves, and that time is particularly scarce when one has small children. We need to let our significant others know of that need and they need to respect that need as we need to do the same for them.

Different people have different needs for their alone time and it varies for each individual with what is going on in life.

At the same time we need to be careful that we don't use this need to be alone as a constant excuse to avoid intimate time with a partner. 

It may not be so much our need to be alone as the fact that we just don't feel close to the other person any longer and want no intimate time with him or her period. Then we need to be honest with the other person.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Alone with my H..no kids. No, I'd jump at the opportunity to "get er done".

I'm also an introvert and so is he....and sometimes the sex is the best release of stress once we are away from it all.


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