# Someone please help me... I really need some input???



## firstkid7 (Dec 11, 2010)

Please Help Me I am Desperate!!!!
My wife and I have been married for just over two years. Looking back on things I can honestly say that the issue I have today is the same I had before we got married. I never seem to make my wife happy with anything. I have always been very optimistic about life but my wife just see the glass half full. Two years into our marriage she told me that she wanted a divorce. I told her I love her and we started going to counseling. We have been going for about three months or so and my wife now says I am the perfect husband and that I am great but she just hates her life and cannot forgive me for things that were done the first two years. I never cheated on her or anything like that but her view of our first two years of marriage is that it has been awe ful but I do not see it like that. I have apologized like crazy and made major improvements which she has noticed but to no avail. The crazy thing is that about two months after marriage she stopped wanting to have sex. In fact we have only had sex 5 times in 26 months.

She has done other things for me but she will not be intimate with me what so ever. I constantly am trying to be nice and encourage her but the weird thing is that the nicer I am to her to more hateful she is to me and the meaner I am to her then the nicer she is to me. This is really messed up. Why can I not be loving to my wife and get a good response. I think that things are going better as she tells me how awesome I am and like clock work almost every other weekend she says that she just can not stay in the marriage and that there is no way she can make me happy. I tell her I am happy with her I just want her to be happy. The last few weeks she has been taking off for the weekend and going out of town or different places. She says that she needs space to think. The crazy thing is that I have been amazingly nice to her in fact she says I am to good to her. I was in ministry for years and always desired to have someone that loved my faith. Now she tells me that she can not be herself around me and that she wants to study other religions.

My life is breaking apart and I do not know how to make her happy. Before we got married when we went through marriage counseling she admitted that she had problems with her hormones. The marriage counselor said that he had a mother in law with those problems and that some one with those problems could be a bear to live with. The counselor then asked my wife if she would be willing to get help for those issues and she eagerly said yes. It has been 26 months and I can not even get her to go to the doctor. Honestly it seems like for every few days that I am nice then she goes into this crazy depressive state and all she can think about is how bad her life is. She does not have any friends to speak of and actually come to think of she does not have one childhood friend that she keeps up with.

Many times when we get into a social situation she get really moody and all she can do is complain about the people she is around and point out all their faults. This is even true when we go to church she gives me a hour lecture on how bad things are in the church or the pastor. He preaches to loud. He is not sincere and so on.... Why cant people be happy. Once again we had a great week. We had no sex but their was some intimacy. In fact I notice at night about 4 or 5 in the morning she will cuddle with me when she thinks I am asleep but if I am awake she is very non affectionate.

Just yesterday we held each other had a nice bath and she met some of my needs but there was still no sex and when I try to do something that will please here she turns me off. Will someone please help me. I have spent thousands on counseling, made lots of changes, and want to be with my wife for ever. How can I make her happy? Please Help!!!!!!!!!


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

has she ever agreed to individual counseling? maybe there are some issues that she cannot talk about in the context of a marriage counseling session. there is definitely an issue since that does not seem like the usual sex life for a married couple. there can be lots of lulls, especially if kids are involved, but 5 times in over two years is more than a lull. are you sure there is no one else? sorry that you have to live with all of this and that there has been no resolution just yet. hang in there.


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## firstkid7 (Dec 11, 2010)

Thank you for your post.... One of my greatest fears is that she is going to cheat on me and find someone else. She seems to have a pattern of broken relationships. Since she was a teenager her typical pattern has been to be with someone for a few years and then she finds someone else before she leaves the other person. I am really scared that is what she is doing with me. She is trying to emotionally distant herself so that she can find someone else and have him waiting for her and transition into the next relationship.... I sure do feel insecure... I hate my thoughts and thinking she could be out with someone else and he is getting the affection that should be mine....Not knowing what she is doing is killing me....


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

dear firstkid7...why do you love this woman? do you think she will change? maybe you should go to a therapist and discover why you are letting your wife treat you this way. The sex is lacking for a reason and you are basicly newlyweds...there is a disconnect that she seems to control and you accept it.


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## firstkid7 (Dec 11, 2010)

I guess for the most part I have always been raised to love your wife unconditionally and that marriage is for life. My first wife walked out on me and my son after six years of marriage. She got her USA citizenship and told me she never loved me but she just wanted to go to the USA. It took me almost six years to get to a place were I could date again. I guess I just do not want to be alone and I think it is hard for me to fathom being a two time divorced loser. This is really hard since I have been in full time ministry for 15 years. The first one I got away with because she had multiple affairs and so on. The church gave me grace on that one. If it happens again what would happen to what I feel as my life calling. How can I influence or help others if I can not even help and fix my family.....


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

What you have to realize is that you cannot fix a marriage if only one person is willing to fix it. You are not a loser - it just seems like you didn't pick the right person just yet. If you do end up alone, I would encourage you to go to individual counseling so that you can learn how to cope with being alone and maybe learn why you are attracted to these types of women who are users and manipulators. Unconditional love is for your children; not for a spouse who walks all over you and does not love you back.


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