# Why are some men so much better in bed than others?



## Ausflower (Nov 14, 2012)

Why are some men so much better in bed than others? Do they do research? Or are they just willing to try different things. Or do they just want to please there partner? Are there classes?
My H needs them?

Cheers


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## BrookeT (Nov 3, 2012)

Some men only care about thier needs, others actually care about our needs to. It's hard to "fix" when someone is just flat out selfish though. The first step, talk to him. Communicate your needs, people aren't mind readers. It could be a situation where he just doesn't know what you really want.


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

Practice. Practice. Practice.

Oh ....did I mention .......


Practice! 


(There is no substitute for experience  )


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Ausflower said:


> Why are some men so much better in bed than others? Do they do research? Or are they just willing to try different things. Or do they just want to please there partner? Are there classes?
> My H needs them?
> 
> Cheers


Some men actually listen to their partners instructions, have a good memory, and are great learners.....:lol:

I think it's a shame that some men are clueless as to whether they are pleasing their partner, it's really not their fault, they've had lousy women who don't speak up and share their needs. I wonder if these are the women who are "faking" it.

I won't go into too much detail, but I was with a guy once, he was very attractive, had the nicest lips I had ever seen. We kissed, big disappointment, it was one of those kissers that kind of peirce their lips together with the occasional tongue, I tried to work with it, but no, he wasn't budging, it was his way. Unfortunately, it was the same in bed. I figured since he was around my age 40ish, that at least he would have learned something along the years. So, during the act, I had to tell him to slow down (where ya going dude), I think this hurt his feelings and I never saw him again. I look at it this way, I work damn hard to please my partner, if they aren't willing to learn, then it's not worth it. So I guess there's two types of people, those who refuse to change, and think they're fine, and the others who have not had the opprotunity to have feedback, and desperately would change for any women in order to make them happy.

Bottom line....speak up...


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

All of these complaints may be said for many women. Successfully pleasing intercourse begins with verbal interaction. If either party can't accomplish this, they are likely to have complaints.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I will echo as a man it really is about desiring to meet the needs of their partner with a bit of selfish notion. I actually enjoy seeing, feeling and hearing my wife feel sexual pleasures. It does take practice, it also demands he be s good listener as well as good observer. 

The one thing I've learned is take your time... This is not a 100 meter dash...


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Ausflower said:


> Why are some men so much better in bed than others? Do they do research? Or are they just willing to try different things. Or do they just want to please there partner? Are there classes?
> My H needs them?
> 
> Cheers


All of the above, except for the classes. 

I've been both of those guys...the guy who thought he was good in bed and *thought* he knew what he was doing, versus the guy who really is and does. 

Getting to be the guy that does know what the hell he's doing did take research, and a willingness to try different things. The desire to please was pretty much always there, but desire without knowledge won't exactly cut it. It doesn't hurt, but I had to educate myself to things that no woman ever would.

It also required one other main thing...."the willingness to try new things" was needed in her too. Sometimes it can be a slight struggle to keep from falling into the "same old, same old" comfortable rut. I won't let her do it. I make sure we're always changing things up.

Funny how just a couple nights ago, she asked "how does sex with us just keep getting better and better after all this time?" I can tell you it sure isn't because we sucked together in the first place.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

Ausflower said:


> My H needs them?
> 
> Cheers


Yikes, hope your husband doesn't see this.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Sex classes eh? Would be funny lol

Yes in fact there are sex classes, with hot men and ladies as teachers, they will teach you how to do it right! Lol
Now that would be an interesting job!!! Can only imagine! 

Gives me an idea for roleplay actually


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

1. You need to know what you want him to do, and tell him clearly.

2. He has to be willing to absorb the information you tell him, practice it, and ask follow up questions if he feels like he needs more feedback.

3. He cannot pretend that he is a stallion in the bedroom just because he read a few books or has been around the block a few times. All women are different. Even if he knew his exes body and how to please her, chances are almost none of those moves can be repeated on a new woman with the same results. So he needs yo approach each woman with a clean slate, ready to learn.

4. He must be patient, enjoy the learning experience, and not let his ego get wrapped up in it. Nothing worse than a man who gets his feelings hurt when you are trying to guide him.

Pleasure is the responsibility of both partners. Each must be willing to communicate and leave the ego at the door.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

Well does your H need the basics or the details?

Detailed instruction is between you and him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LearninAsWeGo (Oct 20, 2012)

The key is being fit and having variety IMO. Women don't know what they want... end of story.

For guys, being fit is #1 far and away. It's not optional, it's a requirement for good sex. It means you'll have more confidence as well as turning the woman on more. That physical health lets you get into more positions, have more stamina, and have harder erections (also, have 0-2 drinks before sex... not ten).

As for technique, guys just need to know anatomy... namely cl1t, gspot, and other sensitive areas (back on neck, nape of neck, back of knees, inside of thighs, small of back, hip bones, wrists, etc). You need to know all the basic positions, especially the ones that are good for her (woman on top, reverse cowgirl, and doggystyle for most women). You need to know how to give good massages and good oral to the woman.

Perhaps most of all, you need to know how to flirt and how to kiss... or you won't get much further. Flirting goes a lot further than compliments... you need role play, costumes or sexy outfits, mind games, occasional BDSM situations, etc etc based on the woman's comfort level and sexual openness.

The VARIETY is key because women are in different moods at different times. Sure, most guys would like it porn style... fast an heavy 99% of the time, but women aren't like that at all. Sometimes they want to be loved slow and passionate, sometimes they want to be railroaded and ravaged, and usually they want something inbetween. I've had girls tell me I need to stop treating them like a porn star in bed, and I've had others tell me I need to be more assertive and "more of a man." It all depends on their mood.

Lastly, you need experience. I guess that could come with one or just a few partners, but generally, I think that guys who care about being a good lover and have been with a variety of partners will just know more tricks. You pick up techniques and advice from each lover... assuming you pay attention. GL


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## ladandrewe (Nov 19, 2012)

it was one of those kissers that kind of peirce their lips together with the occasional tongue


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

> Join Date: Oct 2012
> Posts: 72
> Re: Why are some men so much better in bed than others?
> The key is being fit and having variety IMO. *Women don't know what they want... end of story.*


Wrong for me.

IME some of it comes down to a man's attitude to sex. Some guys are just more into it and willing to get in and have a good go at it.

Enthusiasm is worth more than experience although I have to say my guy has both in abundance which is great. I have never seen such enthusiasm like when his rips my underwear off, that face OMG the look on his face, like he just won the lottery :smthumbup:
Or the look on his face when he uses the vibe on me, like he is doing the most important job in the world.

I just have to think about the look on his face and it makes me want to jump him. Yes enthusiasm is key for me.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Can I just ask why you would marry someone who is bad in bed?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

I want to ask the Sam question about women! How about being with a woman who just lays there and is uncomfortable in her own skin? How do you make a women let her guard down. I think it is really a matter if sexual compatibility...yes there are many guys who go straight for the crotch, say I love you then blow their load and turn over and snore. But what do you do when you take it slow, caress her inner thigh lightly, scratch her scalp and other things first building up to great 20+ minutes of steamy sex and 45 minutes later she hasn't give a single indication of what part was nice. Then you are SOL and left to wonder...did she enjoy it? Did she close her eyes because she was imagining being elsewhere. Guess the real question is why are some women so afraid of letting go and enjoying it...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Half the battle is:

1. true aficionado of the female body - liking to explore it and never getting enough of it.
2. high sex drive
3. strong attraction to your partner

of course that's not all it takes but I believe many men lack even these most basic prerequisites.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

The same question could be asked of WOMEN.

My friend was with a woman that just laid there and though that was all she needed to do so I can imagine he had a lot of fun. I strted reading up on sex back when I found the Joy of sex my parents hid [lol] even though I was way to young for sex and I just keeps reading books,Videos ect and when I did start have sex I used what I learned and my and I expirminted ,talked and just had a good time in the bedroom. I think communication and having fun is the key.


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## oliviapeter31 (Nov 19, 2012)

I think both man and woman need to play their role in bed. Not for just one person. If both of the couple have the same goal and work together to achieve it, there will be great.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Ausflower said:


> Why are some men so much better in bed than others? Do they do research? Or are they just willing to try different things. Or do they just want to please there partner? Are there classes?
> My H needs them?
> 
> Cheers


Sometimes its your level of comfort with that person.
A partner who genuinely makes you happy will be able to please you in bed in the long run,better than one who you see as selfish.

When both of you are happy, it makes the experience a learning one and much fun.

BTW,
Married sex is WAY different to sex while you were dating.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

working_together said:


> Some men actually listen to their partners instructions, have a good memory, and are great learners.....:lol:
> 
> I think it's a shame that some men are clueless as to whether they are pleasing their partner, it's really not their fault, they've had lousy women who don't speak up and share their needs.



Thanks for this thread. I needed to hear that part about lousy women who don't speak up. And the line in another post that maybe he just doesn't know what you like. 

With a little guts (why do I need guts) I'll say something tonight. I've been with my husband for 30 years and I still get more frustration from oral sex than pleasure. When I finally do come (after thinking about just closing my legs because it's so frustrating), it's like a blip. Sometimes my orgasms are stronger than others, some, like last night, I was just happy that I finally came.

From my lack of repeated teaching, he slowed down at the end, which is exactly when I needed him to speed up (I guess why would he know this), but although I said, 'don't slow down' he stayed slow anyway, and the climax was like a non-event. Although slowing down is fine at the build-up of the orgasm for teasing, I get to a point of no return where I'll have an orgasm anyway.

I have said things in the past, like 'you're not on the exact spot' but he has insisted that he knows where my clitoris is.

There are guys here who are willing to learn. It seems like my husband just takes offense at instruction.

But, I have learned in my short time at this forum, that I need to speak up (again and again) and change the direction of this sex life. I can see how it affects my enthusiasm for sex.

Although I can see how oral sex can be improved, how can intercourse be improved when he has premature ejaculation? I read things on here that the guy can try (cremes, kegels, pulling out when about to come, meds) but I haven't brought them up for fear of harming his already fractured sex ego.

What do you actually say to your husband to make suggestions? (I know - silly to ask after 30 years). I've read here that you don't criticize but make suggestions.

So how do I turn the critical statements below into a more gentle suggestion?

'move a little to the left' or 'slow down' or 'use a lighter touch' or 'don't go straight and hard for the clitoris; a little teasing would be nice.'

I though I'd say to my husband, "there are some new techniques I'd like you to try during oral sex, like more teasing, tracing the alphabet..."

So when do I actually say this (which I was wondering during my boring oral sex session last night)? When I see he's about to move down? Afterwards? Out at a bar? When we climb into bed?

Do I just start off saying, "There's something I want to talk to you about."

Why in the world after 30 years and excellent communication on every other topic under the sun, a great marriage, do I find discussing sex so so so incredibly difficult. Which proves the point that I'm unsatisfied because I've never said anything.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

If you take the men who are just plain old selfish out of the equation I would say men who are bad at sex are bad at it because they've never been told otherwise. Browse some of the topics in this forum and see how well received it is when a man gets told he's not the best lover his partner has ever had. If you keep getting told you're the best...why would you change?

I'm not sure what the answer is. Obviously to get better a man needs honest feedback. Balancing that with a fragile ego is a delicate job.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

working_together said:


> Some men actually listen to their partners instructions, have a good memory, and are great learners.....:lol:
> 
> I think it's a shame that some men are clueless as to whether they are pleasing their partner, it's really not their fault, they've had lousy women who don't speak up and share their needs. I wonder if these are the women who are "faking" it.
> 
> ...


:rofl: I had one of these! It was like making out with a stick! :rofl:


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## hurthubby (Nov 9, 2012)

I agree with MaritimeGuy some guys dont know they are bad in bed but trying to tell a guy hes no good in bed without destroying his ego and sex drive will be a difficult task. But if your not communicating your sexual needs with your spouse then how do you expect it to ever get better. Not all women like sex the same way so a technique you learned years ago with one woman may be uneffective on the girl ur with now, and the only way to know is through communication.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

How do you know you are good in bed though?

I hope I am and I try my best to be a good lover for my wife but what may be good for one woman may not be good for another.

What is the standard?

Number of orgasms? A dildo will do that for a woman.

Perhaps if she keeps coming back for more you are doing it right?


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

FUNNY! I find the filthier I get with women in bed the more they feel "connected" to me and feel satistfied lol.
I think the notion of "paying close attention / taking care of her needs" is just a nice way of telling you to get nastier with her ;-).


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> How do you know you are good in bed though?
> 
> I hope I am and I try my best to be a good lover for my wife but what may be good for one woman may not be good for another.
> 
> ...


I think that's the million dollar question. 

Those of us who care try to listen to the non-verbal as well as the verbal cues to try to answer it but that doesn't mean you're not being mislead. 

Like you say if they keep coming back that must be an indication of some sort of success.


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## Pyroguy (Aug 28, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Can I just ask why you would marry someone who is bad in bed?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I will put my .02 in here. Not everyone sleeps together before getting married. There are those whose religious convictions make them seek to engage in sex only after marriage. And, for many people (and a truth, as well), a good relationship up-front is better than good sex up-front...so if a person (man or woman) is with a person they love intensely, the sex can generally be fixed later on.

When my kids became teens, I gave them this analogy about sex and marriage: A marriage can be likened to bread (which is a primary food), and sex to jelly (an occasional treat). If the bread is good, the jelly makes it a wonderful treat. But if the bread is moldy, it will be terrible to eat, even though you can cover it in jelly from time-to-time and it will probably still taste good, over time it will get you sick. So concentrate on getting "good bread", and let the "jelly" be the something-special to go with the bread. Besides, you live on bread far more than jelly, especially as a couple gets older, and the jelly becomes more infrequent because of inevitable physical changes.


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## AwwSnail (Jul 22, 2012)

ever watch Friends with Benefits? They are frankly honest with one another. We got inspired and that has helped and improved our experience. Open communication is key to meeting each others needs.


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## hurthubby (Nov 9, 2012)

That movie was pretty funny, and your right if your not gonna communicate when your partner is lousy in bed then its gonna stay that way. Of course some women are responsible for this dilema, cause women have been to know to tell men they are great in bed when in fact they suck, but were too worried of brusing the guys ego.


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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

The best and easiest things to do are have an open mind, experiment, and listening. Nobody knows there body better than themselves. Experimenting is the fastest way to find what you like because you start to know specifically what turns you on what does not. Never hurts and you have to speak up too.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

I'd be curious to hear about the OP's experience of what makes a man great in bed vs just mediocre. Obviously you have had both, what was the difference?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Sometimes its your level of comfort with that person.
> A partner who genuinely makes you happy will be able to please you in bed in the long run,better than one who you see as selfish.
> 
> When both of you are happy, it makes the experience a learning one and much fun.
> ...


Just curious...how is it way different?
Because of the emotional part? Because there's love and respect?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Want my opinion, men who are bad in bed are clumsy, not sensual, robotic, do odd things that aren't sexy like suck on your top lip, don't seem to be into it and just want to get off, don't try to do anything to make the woman cum other than PIV, don't read your body or responses at all, don't seem to be in the same room as you are, make you feel used, try to put you in positions that are uncomfortable so they can watch their penis. When it's over they immediately hop up like they are on fire and wash up, and put their pants on. It's like they are nervous or just don't care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

The only 'bad' sex I had was with my ex....who was very selfish in ALL areas of life. Makes sense he'd suck in bed.

I've had 8 other people (H included...and definitely H is the best! omg...blew my mind), but they were all good. Different, but good. Why? Because they were in the moment and wanting to please ME, and i wanted to please them.

H is by FAR the best. Wild and passionate and just...insane in the bed. We're a good match


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Want my opinion, men who are bad in bed are clumsy, not sensual, robotic, do odd things that aren't sexy like suck on your top lip, don't seem to be into it and just want to get off, don't try to do anything to make the woman cum other than PIV, don't read your body or responses at all, don't seem to be in the same room as you are, make you feel used, try to put you in positions that are uncomfortable so they can watch their penis. When it's over they immediately hop up like they are on fire and wash up, and put their pants on. It's like they are nervous or just don't care.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well just to pick up on one of your criticisms I sometimes quite like to watch myself going in and out when doing deep stick or similar. But it is with my wifes encouragement and I have to describe it, it's not for long and we only do that sometimes.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Perhaps I should buy her one of those hand held periscopes


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Just curious...how is it way different?
> Because of the emotional part? Because there's love and respect?


Before two people start having sex, sexual tension builds. Sometimes it takes months, weeks, days , hours, or just minutes.

The first time they have sex usually there is so much excitement, that they tends to overlook little mistakes by each other and look forward to the next time.
So the sex is usually " good."

Both partners are trying their best to please each other.

During dating,, people don't have the stresses that marriage brings. Bills , chores , deadlines ,living together, quarrels, fights, feelings of insecurity , children and so on.

When they get married, they tend to put sex on the back burner, or if they have regular sex, it becomes " duty sex." There isn't as much passion in it as when they were dating.

Even if these stresses are properly handled, sometimes both partners are not at the same place emotionally , when its 
" time for sex"
[ IMO, there should never be a " time " for sex between married couples. Sex should happen anytime.]

And so the sex is not fulfilling even though the exact same things and some new tricks are being done.

The emotional connection is not there.

A couple needs to constantly satisfy each other emotionally in order to fully enjoy married sex.
Sometimes this may mean having less sex and more non sexual bonding. 
Other times it may mean much more sex and sexual bonding.

A good thing to do is to keep sexual tension alive in each other.

Married women's sexuality can be compared to a furnace, keep feeding it and it will remain hot. Douse it with water , or neglect it and it will die and be very difficult to restart.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Want my opinion, men who are bad in bed are clumsy, not sensual, robotic, do odd things that aren't sexy like suck on your top lip, don't seem to be into it and just want to get off, don't try to do anything to make the woman cum other than PIV, don't read your body or responses at all, don't seem to be in the same room as you are, make you feel used, try to put you in positions that are uncomfortable so they can watch their penis. When it's over they immediately hop up like they are on fire and wash up, and put their pants on. It's like they are nervous or just don't care.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Men who are bad in bed are just plain selfish.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Or the guy who came in his pants and told me he just couldn't go through with it because it was such a big decision.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Or the guy who came in his pants and told me he just couldn't go through with it because it was such a big decision.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh no!

Although thinking about it that was quite a compliment to you if you got him that excited.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

dont be selfish and dont be a jackrabbit.
although, there is a time for jackrabbit, but it aint 45 seconds into it.
unless its a quickie.
lol.
as far as when to bring it up, during foreplay, i would suggest.
although guys that suck in bed would likely suck at foreplay too.
but if your H does it, that would be the time to bring it up. in a hot sexy manner like "it would really make me hot if you would _____ " or something along those lines.
sometimes im the captain of the ship and just get in there and do what i know she likes, sometimes she directs me. unless the guy is an egomaniac or a crybaby, i wouldnt reckon that would bruise his ego...cos the end result of following said direction is stellar for both participants.
in my humble opinion.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Or the guy who came in his pants and told me he just couldn't go through with it because it was such a big decision.
Posted via Mobile Device
Oh no!

Although thinking about it that was quite a compliment to you if you got him that excited.

Yeah but this was during my brief ****ty phase after divorce and I had sex with an old friend from HS and he couldn't get it up. After feeling crap I realized neither one of those thumgs had anything to do with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Why does it always seem, at least on this website (and probably many others), that when the sex is bad, it is the fault of the guy?


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I agree with the others....the man who focuses on pleasing his partner is the better lover.

There was never any talk about sex in our household growing up. No one ever had "the talk" with me. I was a virgin until a year after I graduated from high school (NOT by choice). Everything I know is self-taught and I've never had any complaints and have had plenty of very nice compliments. I always wanted to make sure my parther is satisfied and feels as good as I do when I have sex.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I don't think men are as picky. I can't imagine getting off when the other person is laying there like a dead fish. But many men can. It takes more to get women off usually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

For some guys, it's the discomfort or fear of intimacy. The emotional aspects are threatening to them so they just have removed sex with their partners. In addition, there isn't that communication of what their partners like.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Here's a question for the women, and I'm sure tat there will be a litany of answers all over te map:

What makes a guy 'good in bed' to you?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Well just to pick up on one of your criticisms I sometimes quite like to watch myself going in and out when doing deep stick or similar. But it is with my wifes encouragement and I have to describe it, it's not for long and we only do that sometimes.


There is nothing wrong with watching. I do it, SO does it, it is fun.

I don't think the poster meant just that though, there was a whole list of other behaviours that made up the whole "not good in bed scenario".


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I think the men who are best in bed are the one's who put their ego aside. It makes all the diference in the world. Men who have their ego so deeply tied into how much/hard/often she orgams are usually the worst lovers in my experience. The intimacy becomes more about what feeds their ego than what fulfills their partner. They want crawling up the wall, screaming so loud the neighbors hear it type sex... and are typically too full of pride to recognize that it's probably fake. Even my husband, when we're having quickies get this ego thing and of course I play it up for him. Luckily those times are a lot less often than the amazing sex we have most of the time.

I also believe that men that equate porn star sex (having their semen swallowed, facials, constant hard pounding, anal to vaginal, etc) with great sex, are usually terrible lovers imo



Ausflower said:


> Why are some men so much better in bed than others? Do they do research? Or are they just willing to try different things. Or do they just want to please there partner? Are there classes?
> My H needs them?
> 
> Cheers


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oliviapeter31 (Nov 19, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> How do you know you are good in bed though?
> 
> I hope I am and I try my best to be a good lover for my wife but what may be good for one woman may not be good for another.
> 
> ...


You just need to ask your wife if she achieve orgasms with you. Don't think about other woman. They not your wife


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

oliviapeter31 said:


> You just need to ask your wife if she achieve orgasms with you. Don't think about other woman. They not your wife


No need to ask Olivia, I know she does I can even sometimes feel them on the end of my penis.

What I was trying to say is that although I satisfy my wife and she says that I am the best she has ever had (once I got started).

Is that merely because her other lovers were as she says very selfish bad boys (alphas?)who were only interested in their pleasure.

Compared to idiots like that anyone who tries is going to be good.
But does that make me a good lover, could I be better?

I've got no way of comparing, not that I want to, but how do you know?


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## oliviapeter31 (Nov 19, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> No need to ask Olivia, I know she does I can even sometimes feel them on the end of my penis.
> 
> What I was trying to say is that although I satisfy my wife and she says that I am the best she has ever had (once I got started).
> 
> ...


So, you are good in bed and if she seem happy to live with you and be your wife, then you are good love.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Holland said:


> There is nothing wrong with watching. I do it, SO does it, it is fun.
> 
> I don't think the poster meant just that though, there was a whole list of other behaviours that made up the whole "not good in bed scenario".


Yeah realised that, just wanted to show that on their own some things were ok.

How do you watch? The only ways we have found is doggy if she looks under or (not sure what it is really called) doing a kind of 'cross spooning' with one leg up and one down.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I think there is a nice way to bring up the fact that your husband isn't listening to your instructions, and actually ignores them and does what he wants...lol, kidding.

you: "how do you feel about our sex life?" " I really like it when you do this and that", maybe the next time when I ask you to not slow down, can you speed up a bit, when a woman is coming you really can't slow down at that point because it just dulls the feeling". Slip in a lot of praises, and ask what he likes about what you do, and if he would like anything different, or could you improve in any areas.

good luck. I would repeat over and over that sometimes when he's performing on you he needs to listen to your instructions, and that it's not meant as a critisism but to get you to have a great orgasm, isn't that what he wants???


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

So what makes someone good in bed???

Obviously a good kisser, very soft, biting lips gently, playing with tongues. Lots of foreplay. Someone who likes to talk and compliment you during sex..."damn you're so sexy" "I love it when you do that" "you're so good at that" "I love your breasts"....these are some of the things my partner says to me, and it drives me crazy, it helps that my love language is words of affirmation And then I feel comfortable saying things back to him. And I work harder at pleasing him, to be the best I can be.

I only need to tell my partner once whether I like something or not, and he'll remember it, and even try to improve it, and ask questions about it. 

I wasn't always open to having sexual conversations, and learned over the years that they need to happen in order to feel sexually satisfied. 

With my ex, sex was good as well, he was a quick learner as well.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Yeah realised that, just wanted to show that on their own some things were ok.
> 
> How do you watch? The only ways we have found is doggy if she looks under or (not sure what it is really called) doing a kind of 'cross spooning' with one leg up and one down.


OK way TMI but this is anon. Can't see much but for eg when doing missionary and he is more upright I look as much as I can. When he uses his hands and I am on my back I prop myself up so I can see.
I feel like a twit replying here, I can't see lots but any visual is good for me. 

He likes to look in the mirror which is on another wall when we are up against the wall. I can't do that, looking at the body or the motion is fine but I don't want to see my face 

Is it not the norm to cop a look as much as possible?


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

40isthenew20 said:


> Here's a question for the women, and I'm sure tat there will be a litany of answers all over te map:
> 
> *What makes a guy 'good in bed' to you?*


A good level of fitness
Willing to take some direction in bed AND remember it later on 
Generous and not in a rush. Women are like crockpots. It takes a while to get warmed up so don't skimp on the foreplay.
Makes the woman feel desired and attractive
Not always doing the exact same moves in the exact same order each time in the same one or two positions.
Not too prudish, willing to consider new things, but not willing to share me with anyone else


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Holland said:


> OK way TMI but this is anon. Can't see much but for eg when doing missionary and he is more upright I look as much as I can. When he uses his hands and I am on my back I prop myself up so I can see.
> I feel like a twit replying here, I can't see lots but any visual is good for me.
> 
> He likes to look in the mirror which is on another wall when we are up against the wall. I can't do that, looking at the body or the motion is fine but I don't want to see my face
> ...


Sorry! didn't mean to stray into TMI.

But yes 'copping a look' is great. The position I mentioned is good for that but I won't go into details because as you say TMI


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Did I mention I REALLY LOVE WOMEN??????

How can a man begin making love to a woman, begin thrusting, and not read the signals he gets from her breathing, position of her limbs, her pelvic movements, the tenson in her muscles, her sighs of pleasure, how her lips grow soft with passion and not adjust his actions to give her what she needs to feel the most pleasure?......

I am not Mel Gibson, but all of this came as natural as breathing to me.....

When I kissed a woman I put into it all the passion, lust, and tenderness that I was actually feeling.......

I really LOVE kissing. It is the first step down the pathway to intimacy, and I kiss the way I really feel........

Lots of times I felt a woman was not sure she was that interested in me until that first kiss. It always turned the tide in my favor..... 

I always vocalize what makes me feel GOOD so she dosn't have to guess.

I never fake it.....


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## Michael A. Brown (Oct 16, 2012)

Some do have several experiences on it that's why they can perform very well on bed.


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## xyz000 (Nov 20, 2012)

*Married women's sexuality can be compared to a furnace, keep feeding it and it will remain hot. Douse it with water , or neglect it and it will die and be very difficult to restart.[/QUOTE]*

Wow, this is amazingly accurate. I'm in that situation now, and I've wondered how I've become prudish and plain in bed, and it's definitely because of a lack of a sex life in my marriage.

But this quote describes it in a way I've never considered.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

working_together said:


> I think it's a shame that some men are clueless as to whether they are pleasing their partner, it's really not their fault, they've had lousy women who don't speak up and share their needs. I wonder if these are the women who are "faking" it.


So if a man is clueless it’s his wife/partner’s fault? 
Then you give an example of a guy who is clueless because, we’ll he’s just clueless.



working_together said:


> I won't go into too much detail, but I was with a guy once, he was very attractive, had the nicest lips I had ever seen. We kissed, big disappointment, it was one of those kissers that kind of peirce their lips together with the occasional tongue, I tried to work with it, but no, he wasn't budging, it was his way. Unfortunately, it was the same in bed. I figured since he was around my age 40ish, that at least he would have learned something along the years. So, during the act, I had to tell him to slow down (where ya going dude), I think this hurt his feelings and I never saw him again. I look at it this way, I work damn hard to please my partner, if they aren't willing to learn, then it's not worth it. So I guess there's two types of people, those who refuse to change, and think they're fine, and the others who have not had the opprotunity to have feedback, and desperately would change for any women in order to make them happy.
> 
> Bottom line....speak up...


My ex hated me to tell him anything. He was quite the player it turns out and he knew everything (according to him). Early on in our relationship he was quite good in bed. But as time went on the adopted this attitude. I think it was anger at me for whatever reason.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Want my opinion, men who are bad in bed are clumsy, not sensual, robotic, do odd things that aren't sexy like suck on your top lip, don't seem to be into it and just want to get off, don't try to do anything to make the woman cum other than PIV, don't read your body or responses at all, don't seem to be in the same room as you are, make you feel used, try to put you in positions that are uncomfortable so they can watch their penis. When it's over they immediately hop up like they are on fire and wash up, and put their pants on. It's like they are nervous or just don't care.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When I am in bed with a woman, the last thing I want to do is leave....I mean the whole thing is a sensual experience. Being in her presence, feeling her skin, experiencing her orgasm, watching her as she sleeps, all those funny things she does as she gets up and fumbles for panties, etc...

Were talking about lovemaking here people, the ultimate in sensuality and pleasure. Whats the hurry...:smthumbup:

It is a tragedy when a man dosn't see lovmaking as a sublime experience, and uses a woman for his own pleasure, with no thought for her pleasure or feelings. It's like he has never even experienced sex at all.

I am no saying there is no place for hard, almost brutal sex, but it is only when she sends those unmistakable signals that it is what she wants...


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