# Tired of hearing how great I am



## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

OK, this is probably going to sounds strange and I don't really have a particular question, I am mostly just venting. And I know I am going to get the "man up" answer anyway. 

I am really getting tired of hearing how great I am. My wife tells me, her parents tell me, our friends tell me, etc. In fact I get crap a lot from the neighbor husbands telling me I make them look bad.

I just had a 360 profile done on me at work and even the damn executive coach told me she has never seen scores so high in some areas.

I get sick of it because I don't feel great. (Granted much of that is my own self-confidence issues but still). If I am so f'ing great why am I not running a Microsoft and why does my wife has zero interest in me sexually???

I think I am a decent father and husband and a good and loyal person. I'm sure I could be better on all fronts. However, I certainly don't think I am exemplary in anything... OK, I will shut up now, just had to get that off my chest..


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

I wish you well


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I think more then hating that you are "great" all the time is feeling that people may be lying to you. if you're wife thinks you are so great why doesnt she want to have sex with you? there are some inconsistencies that i dont think you should ignore.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Conrad,

I have read them all already and many of them I don't agree with. I kind of like who I am, the way that I am. Should I be more assertive, yes and I am working on that (actually that's part of the reason I requested the executive coach in the first place). But even she has started on me with "man with these high scores, how can you not think you are great" kind of ****... Ugh. 

Blanca,

I've been asking that question for 5+ years. She claims she just has no interest in sex, period. Even though when we were first together she was more highly charged that I was. She kept saying it was hormones but she just finally got them checked (well by a GP but still), they are at normal levels. Now what's her excuse?


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Apparently I am not great at grammar today either. But Blanca, I forgot to tell you, yes, often I feel like people just tell me what I want to hear. Though I have to admit that even I was a little surprised by the 360 survey since it is more anonymous.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

frustr8dhubby said:


> I get sick of it because I don't feel great. (Granted much of that is my own self-confidence issues but still). If I am so f'ing great why am I not running a Microsoft


Because, in your heart of hearts, you don't WANT to run a Microsoft. You have different values than greed and corporate crapola, perhaps?



> and why does my wife has zero interest in me sexually???


Does SHE know?

Why do you want to shut up? So that you are still viewed as a good person? Do you please people at the expense of pleasing YOU?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Question. Do you feel like a fraud? That somehow if all of these people could take a look behind the curtain, they wouldn't see 'great'?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

i hear how 'smart' i am all the time from other people. i work for a professor who thinks im really smart and tells me. im just thinking that it makes me feel a little alienated from others. no one really knows me. im not really smart and i feel a lot of pressure to keep up the persona so people dont discover who i really am. sometimes its a choice between being respected and being loved. maybe you strive for perfection and alienate people emotionally in the process? i dont know if this goes along the same lines as you but it has been my experience.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I could put you down a bit if you'd like...

Crap from the other husbands could just be jealousy.

Do you do anything selfish - just for you? Or do you feel like you are giving all of your time to your wife, family, job, etc.?


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

vtschoolmom,

Somewhat, though I would like to have more money to not to have to worry about paying for things like my kids sports. But granted, I don't want to live for my job, no. If she knows, she isn't telling. But I don't know how to break through that. I actually got lambasted on the Ladies Home Journal forums for asking about it. Probably at times I do but overall, as wussy as it sounds, I like helping/pleasing people. That is kind of where I get my pleasure from.

Deejo,

No, I don't feel like a fraud at all I just don't see what others see. I am actually pretty open about who/what I am. Sometimes too much so.

Blanca,

Somewhat. I do have a hard time "fitting in" because I don't really care much about sports and even though I am an I.T. person I don't particularly get excited about technology just for the "wow" factor. And I don't fit in with the intellectual types because I'm kind of a midwestern simple guy, not a great conversationalist.

nice777guy,

Yes, much of it is jealousy. Some. I play quite a lot of video games after the kids go to bed or do some Free Software work. I play D&D, Risk, and/or Axis and Allies with some of the guys on the street about once a month.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

nice777guy,

Oh and I forgot to add, I am plenty self-deprecating but if you need to put someone down feel free!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

frustr8dhubby said:


> If she knows, she isn't telling. But I don't know how to break through that.


So you have spoken to her about this issue? And she brushes it off? Two thoughts.

- Get the book Passionate Marriage by Schnarck

PUSH the issue. Or live the rest of your life in misery.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Maybe you are just a humble guy that doesn't want others constantly pointing out your strength but at the same time you accomplish things that provoke the comments? Although you seem to admit that you feel unworthy at the same time. 

Only way for the compliments to end is for you to begin failing in all the areas that others find you admirable and I don't think you want to do that. Instead why not work on the things that you would actually like to be admired for but aren't?

Why do you think you and your wife are not having sex as often as you'd like?

Off topic, I love Risk and played paper & pencil D&D as a teen. Although I've never played either on the computer. Now that two of my kids are old enough we play Risk together and somehow I always end up with Australia and that is it. haha

Have you ever played Age of Mythology? My kids, husband and I play on our LAN and it's hours of fun.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

OK - now for the put-down:



frustr8dhubby said:


> I actually got lambasted on the Ladies Home Journal forums...


:rofl:

:rofl:



WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> OK - now for the put-down:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh dear, that is bad. :rofl:


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

vtschoolmom,

Yes repeatedly. I am almost at the point of affair or divorce and have told her so. The problem is that we truly have a great life together except for that issue. And boy would I not be so great if I went down the affair route.. 

Trenton,

Well I can't change my looks, grow a bigger penis, or get taller..  You would love our Risk and Axis and Allies games. My neighbor made huge 8x10' boards of both of them and we use croupiers and everything. And the D&D we play is the P&P variety. Brings back the old days I tell ya. Yes, I have played Age of Mythology. 

nice777guy,

Yeah, that was probably deserved but I am desperate for help and tried there before I knew about these forums.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Oh, I am jealous.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Look up "impostor syndrome" (I know there's some highfalutin' scientific term for this).


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Interesting, never heard of that before..


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Maybe you don't want to hear how great you are bcus it's boring.
Maybe you feel pressure to keep up the greatness.
Maybe you feel if you weren't so great everyones world would fall apart, and you don't want to take responsibility for that.

If you haven't had sex in 5+ years how the heck can you remain a nice guy?


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

frustr8dhubby said:


> OK, this is probably going to sounds strange and I don't really have a particular question, I am mostly just venting. And I know I am going to get the "man up" answer anyway.
> 
> I am really getting tired of hearing how great I am. My wife tells me, her parents tell me, our friends tell me, etc. In fact I get crap a lot from the neighbor husbands telling me I make them look bad.
> 
> ...


It all comes from within, but you already know this. Some of the most beautiful, successful, caring people in the world don't feel as such.........self worth comes from inside good luck finding it.


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## lovelieswithin (Apr 29, 2010)

Oh Darling, 
Here goes the cliche: WOMEN sometimes want a gentleman in the street but a freak in the bed too!!!!!!!! Just a little food for thought. Switch up your sex style and your sexual character - it'll blow her mind. I believe that sex has a theatrical element to it and that when our clothes come off we become a little bit of a different person (or can!) so play with this idea and see where it goes!!!!!! learn her buttons all over again, take notes of movies that make her steamy (why did they make her steamy: types of guys, scenarios etc)


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