# Letting go



## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

I was just posting yesterday morning about saving the marriage and today I am posting it is over. A lot happened between yesterday and today that made me made up my mind. Some of you have been asking me if he was cheating on me and I been saying no. Well, I was wrong. He was cheating on me. I saw a full day worth of text messaging going on between another female and him. He still claims there is nothing going on, but he have crossed a boundry that I can no longer tolerate.

In my mind, a spouse should NEVER talk to another person of the opposite sex without the other spouse knowing about it. Given he was not truthful, it is cheating...emotional cheating.

I am at a much better stage. I feel no anger towards him. I am still sad but I know this is the right thing to do.

Thanks for all the support you guys have been providing for me! I will need more as we proceed with splitting everything.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

I am so sorry you are here.

How did you find out about the text messaging?


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

Hi gigi888, sorry to hear this is the situation. I totally feel your pain, my ex H started an emotional affair with the OW and didn't see it as cheating then he left me and is with her.

Was there any problems in your marriage that might have led to this? not that any problem is an excuse for cheating but did you feel this was going to happen?


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

I was checking into my cellular account online and saw over 1000 text on his account in just two weeks. I snooped and decided to call that number. I got a female VM. Plus, my co-worker actually saw him with this girl and told me about it. At that time, I was defending him and telling my co-worker that she must have mistaken my husband for someone else. How silly was I?

There is more to the story. Gosh, the stuff I learned in the past few days is so overwhelming.

I called my sister-in-law or soon to be ex sister-in-law to tell her about the news with the permission from my ex. I needed to call her because my niece just lost his dad two weeks ago (my husband's brother) and I wanted to make sure she does not feel like I will be gone from her life. I love my neice and at 11 this is too much for her to handle. Anyway, as I was talking to my ex sister-in-law she shared a piece of information that I never knew about. My ex first divorce was due to his fertility issue. OMG, for 7 years, he blamed me that I refuse to have a kid and caused him to not be able to have a family. WOW....how can someone purposely mess with another person's brain like this? I carried this guilt for 7 years and he told anyone that will listen what an awful wife I am because I am not willing to have a child with him. For the last 7 years, he blamed me for all the unhappiness he had in his life. I was the cause of all his unhappiness because of affection issue (i.e. hugging him out of the blue and stuff like that) I have. How I have caused him to drink and gain weight and the list goes on.....

It just seem like the weight was lifted off my shoulder. I finally know I was not the cause of his unhappiness. I finally can let go of that guilt that been eating me away. I finally realized that any unhappiness he have he just blame on me. I do recognize I have some fault but I do not carry the full load of why marriage is not working out. He have a lot of issues and those are his issue. Those are issues that he needs to work on instead of burying his head in the sand and place blame just on me.

Knowing is a relief but also lots of pain................


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

Wow Gigi, I'm glad you realize that you are not responsible for his unhappiness. You are absolutely correct. Each person's happiness is their own responsibility. 

And it's great too that you're not blaming yourself for his issues. There is a lot of pain to deal with when a marriage ends, but you are a long way ahead by having this knowledge.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

I lost it today with him. This is the first time since he left that I have yelled at him. He emailed me today saying " I know you have made up your mind and a ready to have everything resolved so you can move on."

When I saw this line, blood rushed to my head and I called him and started yelling. Yes, I let him gain control again but gosh, it feel so good. I told him to stop making it sound like I am the one that caused this divorce. I told him to have some diginity and just admit he is cheating. A LOT of ppl at work all saw them together. When I mention that I am going through a divorce, majority of the people said "is it due to that female". What a loser...if he is not embarassed I am embarassed for him. I told him that he have made this the laughing stock at work.

Gosh, feel so good to let it all out even thought it looks like he got the better of me. I really need to let all these steam out.


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## Mzflower (Aug 3, 2013)

Good for you gigi!


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