# Long distance all of a sudden



## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

So my wife left me after spending our entire lives together. Met her when I was 19 she was 21. We been together every since. Real good relationship no flights or arguing no cheating just a bunch of love. 16 years together. She was my only relationship ever. I married my very first girlfriend. Recently we came upon financial troubles got evicted from our apartment and I had to move from cali to Vegas so I wouldn't be homeless. Since I got here or conversations have been great. She said she loves me misses me and tried to come see me once but caught a cold and d idnt want to make the drive. Think there's any chance for reconciliation? Would love any thoughts on this matyer.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hi, @Truth22, welcome to TAM.

We need some more details, please. Any children? Where is she living?

Are you having any support? Is she?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Why did she stay in Cali? And besides being homeless why are you in Vegas?


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## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

She stayed with her parents who she loves but treats her like crap. She had a daughter from another relationship and we raised her together. She said her daughter talks about me all the time and they both miss me. I moved to Vegas to live with my family and have tons of support. I just worry about the distance. How do I get her to fall back in love if I can't see her?


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## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

Any advice on how to get your wife to fall back in love with you if you had to move away suddenly?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

You can't do that only she can love you the way she can! Why what's up?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Why are you in Vegas and why did she remain?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

You should have never left her in the care of her parents that's your job.


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## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

So we got evicted and she was mad at me. She says she worked harder to keep us together than I did. It's partly true. She worked 2 jobs and I worked part time and went to school full time to try to better our financial situation. We got caught up in our own lives and only spent time together Tuesday mornings. No kids together just hers that we raised together so it's like she's mine. She says she just fell out of love and I let it happen. She stayed in Cali with her family and I had to move back in with my family in Vegas. All of our conversations have been great. No fighting or arguing, she just haven't budged in 3 months. She says she loves me and ill find someone else. I tell her that she's the only one for me, because she is only girlfriend I ever had. How do I get through to her?


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## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

I had no choice I was sleeping in my car for a month trying to convince her to give us a try. I thought we were doing well but on the day we were supposed to look for new apartments she showed up pissed. Said she can't live with me and suggested I come to vegas.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

So you do everything your wife tells you, do I got this right? So did you get a job while you were living in your car? Why did you ever let it get to this point? What she gave youis a test of character. Maybe this will define something for you.

Author Unknown

The test of a man is the fight that he makes,
The grit that he daily shows,
The way he stands upon his feet,
And takes life’s numerous bumps and blows.

A coward can smile when there’s naught to fear.
And nothing his progress bars,
But it takes a man to stand and cheer,
While the other fellow stars.

It isn’t the victory after all
But the fight that a Brother makes.
A man when driven against the wall,
Still stands erect and takes the blows of fate

With his head held high,
bleeding, bruised and pale,
Is the man who will win and fate defied,
For he isn’t afraid to fail


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Well in your other thread, what you said was the final speech ILYBNILWY, she's done for he most part so you let her work 2 jobs while you were working part-time and then you want her back the woman is tired, even though her had a daughter who you both raised.


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## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

Yep. I already had a job. And since coming to Vegas I got two jobs and make more money than.i ever have. I just fell into a depression in Cali and she said she would handle the rent while I took care of everything else. She never told me we were behind on the rent or she was unhappy. I would've doubled my hours if I knew. I thought we were okay because I saw so many Amazon packages. As far as coming to Vegas, I feel like I didn't have a choice. I was in my car working six days a week and it was just too much. I have an apartment lined up for us here but ahe is hesitant. Says she will never trust me financially again.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Truth22 said:


> Says she will never trust me financially again.


Ok, you have got wise real quick, but what are you going to do about the ILYBNILWY= I love you but not in love with you? Something was going on already with the pkgs arriving and her not telling you about the home front. The way it looks like is she had this all planned out on releasing you. Maybe she met another in one of her two jobs, someone who could give her more than you could. Sorry man sometimes the way life unfolds is what you have to take. 

How long were you married? Or were you just living together?


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## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

Together 16 married 8. No way there somebody else. Just money issues. I don't know what to do about the ILYBNILWY part. She was gonna drive out here to see me but caught a cold and didn't want to drive 5 hours feeling sick. Thing is I can now take care of all the financial needs, she doesn't even have to work. She just doesn't trust me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Truth22,

I merged your 3 threads into one. You will get much better input this way.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Truth22 said:


> She stayed with her parents who she loves but treats her like crap. She had a daughter from another relationship and we raised her together. She said her daughter talks about me all the time and they both miss me. I moved to Vegas to live with my family and have tons of support. I just worry about the distance. How do I get her to fall back in love if I can't see her?


Would your parents be ok with her and her daughter moving to Vegas? That way you both could job hunt and then get a place there. If her parents don't treat her right, that might be a draw for her to come to Vegas.

Or you could job hunt, get a job and then ask her to move to Vegas.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Truth22 said:


> She says she just fell out of love and I let it happen. ?


Truth, this above is why the ILYBNILWY is front and center. She's the one who no longer loves you. Her own words.


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## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

Yeah. They would love that. I already have two jobs and make enough to support us. She just doesn't trust me. She says she needs space. She says she loves me and misses me, but it's been 3 months and haven't budged. Our marriage had no flights, no cheating, nothing like that. We just never saw each other and she says she fell out of love but says she will always be part of my life. She says ill find the perfect girl for me and she is terrified to date anyone else. She says she'll just be single. Her daughter is depressed without me. And nothing had changed in her life still working two jobs and we never lived on our own before. Always with each other. The longest we have went without talking to each other is 3 weeks. I can't loose this woman. Any advice?


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## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

Kool...thanx for merging. I'm new here


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Truth22 said:


> Yep. I already had a job. And since coming to Vegas I got two jobs and make more money than.i ever have. I just fell into a depression in Cali and she said she would handle the rent while I took care of everything else. She never told me we were behind on the rent or she was unhappy. I would've doubled my hours if I knew. I thought we were okay because I saw so many Amazon packages. As far as coming to Vegas, I feel like I didn't have a choice. I was in my car working six days a week and it was just too much. I have an apartment lined up for us here but ahe is hesitant. Says she will never trust me financially again.



What were you going to school for? I mean what degree or certificate were you going for?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Truth22 said:


> Yeah. They would love that. I already have two jobs and make enough to support us. She just doesn't trust me. *She says she needs space. She says she loves me and misses me, but it's been 3 months and haven't budged.* Our marriage had no flights, no cheating, nothing like that. We just never saw each other and she says she fell out of love but says she will always be part of my life. She says ill find the perfect girl for me and she is terrified to date anyone else. She says she'll just be single. Her daughter is depressed without me. And nothing had changed in her life still working two jobs and we never lived on our own before. Always with each other. The longest we have went without talking to each other is 3 weeks. I can't loose this woman. Any advice?


Advice? Yea, go visit her, spend some time with her and her daughter.

Is she still working?


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## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

I was 2 years away from being a nurse. Which paid a lot of money right out of school. I was just trying to take care of both of them. I was considering flying out there but I just started these two jobs and couldn't get the time off. She was gonna drive out here, but caught a cold and didn't want to drive 5 hours in that condition.


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## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

Does the distance kill my chances?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Truth22 said:


> Does the distance kill my chances?


*I'd hope not!

But since you've adequately demonstrated that you can now provide for the family, the onus is solely on her.

If she still doesn't go for it, then marriage counseling(MC) may well be the only answer for the two of you! 

Best of luck to you, my friend! *


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## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

Just called her. She told me she thought I would be okay with this. What! Do you think going no contact is best or do I stay I contact to show her I do love her


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Truth22 said:


> Just called her. She told me she thought I would be okay with this. What! Do you think going no contact is best or do I stay I contact to show her I do love her


Are you saying that she's calling it quits, because she said you would be ok with this?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Truth, if you play the pick me dance, it will make you look pathetic to her, and begging her would not do you any good.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

You should not contact but file it done friend, l am sorry but go and finish your nursing and start a new life.


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## Truth22 (Feb 15, 2020)

She said it more like she thought I didn't care about her. I'm normally very reserved and laid back. Very few things affect me and she's more anxious about things.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Truth22 said:


> I was 2 years away from being a nurse. Which paid a lot of money right out of school. I was just trying to take care of both of them. I was considering flying out there but I just started these two jobs and couldn't get the time off. She was gonna drive out here, but caught a cold and didn't want to drive 5 hours in that condition.


It would be good if you could continue to your degree. It's a shame that you two cannot work it out so you can continue.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Truth22 said:


> She said it more like she thought I didn't care about her. I'm normally very reserved and laid back. Very few things affect me and she's more anxious about things.


It sounds like she needs for you to very strongly state that you love her and want to be with her. 

Did you make it clear to her that you are not ok with this and you want to be back with her and the child? You need to be very clear about this and tell her that you want her to move to Vegas to be with you. I'm not talking about you begging her. I'm talking about telling her what you want. 

Then, if she says no to that, we can help you brain storm for the next thing to do.

What has happened to your relationship is pretty common. Sometimes people get so caught up in their lives that they neglect their relationship. This is very easy to do when a person working on a degree that takes a lot of work.. like nursing. 

Did she get all caught up in her work, child and other things too? How many hours a week did she work with 2 jobs?

How old is her daughter?

There are two books that I think you would really benefit from. They will teach you how to structure a relationship so that this does not happen. You really need this whether you get back with her or not. Most of us are not taught how to nurture a relationship. These books do it. They are "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". Read them in that order. Do the work that they say to do. Then ask her to read them with you and do the work together.

And if you and she do not get back together, you will know how make sure that your next relationship does not fall apart like this.


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