# Dealing with Loneliness



## Punkin81 (Jul 23, 2012)

Im a newly wed just shy of 2 months. I am experiencing issues that people who have been married a long time have. Im completely lonely and feel abandoned by my husband. His job is very demanding and I understand and support him to be successful. Ive explained to him that work needs to be left at work. I made a comment the other night that I hated his job and he took it very offensive and we have barely talked. I cant get my husband to show me any attention or affection. The sexual contact is nonexistent. This is my first marriage and Ive been very open and honest with how things make me feel...and I get Im sorry....I love you. Any suggestions on what I can do to get my husband to realize this is very serious or get him to reconnect with me??


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

OK, need more info so sorry for the questions to follow.

How old are the two of you.

How long did you date before marriage?

Do you have a job outside of the home?

Are there any children involved from previous relationships?

What was your relationship like before you married him? How much time did the two of you spend together before marriage vs how much time now? Give an estimate in how many hours a week then and now.

If you were sexually involved before marriage, how was it then compared to now.

How many hours a week did he work before you married vs now?

It would be wise to not tell him that you hate his job. I'm sure that you don't hate his job.. you hate that he has no time for you. Those are two very different things.


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## tina2244 (May 22, 2012)

Punkin - please go to MC ASAP!!!!!! 

I wish we did, oh man I wish we did. I'm in your loneliness boat and I've really screwed everything up. 

Sorry no suggestions on how to make him realize this is a serious situation. I've gone down the road of cheating on my H and deeply regret it all. That is a good example of how not to get your H's attention to show him how serious it is...


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## Punkin81 (Jul 23, 2012)

I'm 30 he's 32. We both have kids from previous relationship. I do have a job. We've known each other since high school and were best friends. We reconnected and spent everyday for 4 months before I even considered doing anything sexual with him. Our sex life is nonexistent. He's a recruiter and just started this duty. I do understand that he has to work long hours but also need him to focus on home life as well. I will be moving my kids out of state from everything we've ever known. I have no family or friends here. I'm a very strong and vocal person but I feel this is more than I can deal with. I've sacrificed alot for this man. The day we got married he went back to work and I came home and mowed the lawn. We had to cancel our reception because he couldn't get off to attend it. I don't feel like I ask for alot. Just time and attention and I can't seem to get him to understand that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He could not get off for your reception? How long in advance was your wedding and reception planned? I was in the Army. Just about everyone I know as. They will go out of their way to give a person at least the day off for their wedding. What proof besides his word do you have that he could not take the day off for your wedding and reception?

How much of your time do you put into taking care of his chidren?

Are his children going to be moving with him when he moves?

My advice at this point? Do not pick up your life and your children to follow this man. 

How many hours a week does he work?


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## Punkin81 (Jul 23, 2012)

He works everyday of the week. Hes gone alot. His kids stay with their mom. I'm already here and have found a job and trying to get the house set up, find schools and after school programs for my kids. I leave to get my kids in a week. He couldn't take off because he had to take a recruit to ship off the day after our reception and there wasn't a way for him to be back so they didn't give him off. I've met his bosses and they have all told me that it was gonna be hard our first year but told him and imto spend as much time as possible together. I just mentioned to him to do marriage counseling and he's all for it. I'm very familiar with the military life my dad is retired air force. I just never expected to be in the same house and it feel like my husband is deployed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Punkin81 said:


> He works everyday of the week. Hes gone alot. His kids stay with their mom. I'm already here and have found a job and trying to get the house set up, find schools and after school programs for my kids. I leave to get my kids in a week. He couldn't take off because he had to take a recruit to ship off the day after our reception and there wasn't a way for him to be back so they didn't give him off. I've met his bosses and they have all told me that it was gonna be hard our first year but told him and imto spend as much time as possible together. I just mentioned to him to do marriage counseling and he's all for it. I'm very familiar with the military life my dad is retired air force. I just never expected to be in the same house and it feel like my husband is deployed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's working every day? is that 8 hours a day, 16 hours a day? makes a lot of difference.

he's a healthy younger guy (I'm 63 to almost everyone is younger to me). His hours are stressful, but he should have the energy for sex... it should actually help him deal with the stress of his job and the long hours.

ARe you sure he's not using porn instead of being with you?


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## enso (Jun 9, 2012)

>The sexual contact is nonexistent
I would be firm and tell him his actions are not "normal" and is causing barriers in your relationship which can turn to walls. You are not happy and I can bet you the kids are not either. 

> His kids stay with their mom
Kids need father as much as you need a husband.


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

everyone gets lonely. you are not alone


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

If you are having these issues after just 2 months --- what will the marriage be like later !!

Just something to think about.


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

He doesn't have a second family hidden away does he..no one works that much to the point of not being able to even have their wedding day off.

How soul destroying for you, I'm so sorry you're going through this.


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## cjpa (Jul 17, 2012)

Definately make things clear him, tell him you are reconsidering the marriage and are heartbroken how quickly it has gone to crap. You will need to meet in the middle somewhere--reference his job and your needs at home. Problems don't just fix themselves, it takes work on both sides. Make it darn clear to him!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I read once that the top 3 things that cause stress in a relationship are a new marriage, a new job and moving to a new location.

Sounds like you hit the hat trick of stress creators. Take this into consideration with any decisions you make. 

I believe all marriages are worth working to save. We live in a society that promotes divorce as the solution, when actually it creates a boat load of other problems. 

Is IC and/or MC a possibility? You know professional help.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Right after I got married we moved 12 hours a way AND my husband started a new job. He was gone ALL THE TIME and my marriage was similar to yours. I spent 7 YEARS that way until I couldn't take it anymore and we sought MC. At that point I was ready to walk out the door. I could take the long hours if the sex was there but that died too almost immediately.

You have my total sympathy. Take it from someone who has been in your shoes. This will NOT get better on it's own.


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