# Separate finances



## Niceguynomore (Feb 3, 2014)

My wife and I are roommate now for most part. For the last year, we had sex 1 time. We have been sleeping in different bed for the last 9 years. She does not like to kiss/touch/cuddle. The only reason I am staying is my two kids (9 and 4). Currently, we have a joint banking account with about $150K in it. I am thinking to open a different banking account for myself only. Does it make sense to do that now since we are not living as husband and wife?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

First question. Why in the world do you have $150K sitting in a bank earning next to nothing?


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## Niceguynomore (Feb 3, 2014)

My marriage is kinda of crappy, I don't want to do anything with that money. If I have a good marriage, then I would invest in some rental.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

It would have made more sense about 9 years ago. What has she put into this joint checking account? Whether she works outside the home or not, I'd make sure she had access to a reasonable monthly sum. Beyond that, I don't believe I'd be keen to reward someone for their neglect and disrespect. Those who give minimally shall receive minimally. That wouldn't be a terrible way of figuring out if she's committed to a relationship or just hanging out for the financial security or for some other reason.


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## Niceguynomore (Feb 3, 2014)

She is SAHM and has never work since married me. So, she has put zero into this join checking account.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Contact a divorce attorney to see if "staying married for the kids" will turn you into and indentured servant after they become adults.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Unless you plan on spending it, she will have dibs on it in any divorce proceeding. I would suggest that as an overall preparation for divorce you should be getting your financial house in order, separating credit cards, checking accounts, etc...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Curious, do you have any plans to divorce or are you just going to ride it out for your kids? Do you think it may actually be detrimental for your kids to have them in such an unhappy environment? Is sex/intimacy your only issue with your wife, or are there other issues as well?


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

Niceguynomore said:


> My wife and I are roommate now for most part. For the last year, we had sex 1 time. We have been sleeping in different bed for the last 9 years. She does not like to kiss/touch/cuddle. The only reason I am staying is my two kids (9 and 4). Currently, we have a joint banking account with about $150K in it. I am thinking to open a different banking account for myself only. Does it make sense to do that now since we are not living as husband and wife?


Well at least you have had sex since you started sleeping is separate beds. You may want to start converting the money into Gold and find a safe haven for it. 1 oz gold coins slowly as to not be to apparent you are moving it. Do not put it in any bank or financial institution. Perhaps a place in your home that it can be very safely hidden.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why are you staying married? You don't have any feelings for her from what you said. This is the marriage that you are modeling for your children. Your marriage is what they will grow up to expect. Do you really want that to be what you teach them?

Far better to teach them that when a marriage does not work out well, both you and their mother go on to make better lives for yourselves AND you both co-parent them in a way that is healthy.

Seriously, get a divorce and find some happiness in this life.

If you stay until the children are grown, depending on your state, you could be on the hook for life-long alimony. If you divorce now the hit will be a lot less.

Your wife needs to be pushed out into the real world and to support herself and contribute to support of your children. It's not that being a SAHM has no value. It brings a lot of value to your family. But you don't see that. And she does not see the value of what you bring.

So get on with your life already.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Live up to your user name.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Niceguynomore said:


> My marriage is kinda of crappy, I don't want to do anything with that money. If I have a good marriage, then I would invest in some rental.


You could put it in CD's and at least keep up with inflation on it. Zero risk. just stagger them so they do not all rotate in and out of the CD accounts at the same time so you have emergency funds always near at hand. For example, put $12k in every month on a one year note and you will never be more than 30 days away from $12 + $15K you will still have in your savings account.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Code-Welder said:


> Well at least you have had sex since you started sleeping is separate beds. You may want to start converting the money into Gold and find a safe haven for it. 1 oz gold coins slowly as to not be to apparent you are moving it. Do not put it in any bank or financial institution. Perhaps a place in your home that it can be very safely hidden.


This is bad advice regardless if the suggestion is conceal assets from your wife, or out of distrust of financial institutions. Gold is still running very high and to load money into it is banking one economic collapse which, despite what clickbait ads you might see, is not very likely.

Ok, if you want to diversify, put 10-20% in gold, but you will probably lose a lot of that. In the next 10 years China and India's will reach a tipping point in middle class and they will start spending money like Americans do. There is no long term or complete collapse in the works now with the controls that are in place.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
It can sometimes make sense to have a large cash holding. This 150K may not be a large percentage of their net worth. 




Amplexor said:


> First question. Why in the world do you have $150K sitting in a bank earning next to nothing?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

So you have been sleeping in different beds since your 1st child was born? What was the reason for separate beds?


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

ScrambledEggs said:


> This is bad advice regardless if the suggestion is conceal assets from your wife, or out of distrust of financial institutions. Gold is still running very high and to load money into it is banking one economic collapse which, despite what clickbait ads you might see, is not very likely.


Really?... not so true, your stocks are paper money is at risk as gold. EGGS I have bought gold for many years and it is a sound investment. _"Gold is still running very high"_ compared to what? As long as governments keep printing/expanding the money supply gold and silver are cheap. 

Gold as any currency has highs and lows, If you want to save money and you no longer trust your spouse gold or silver are both good options that can be held without anyone knowing. 

He is staying married for his kids, and there are 2 sides to every story. My wife and I always had separate accounts for over 30 years. I would never put everything in gold and silver but if you want to hide money that is the best option.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> She is SAHM and has never work since married me. So, she has put zero into this join checking account.


What's the point now of trying to open a separate bank account? If the 150K was acquired during the marriage, in most states, regardless of what account its in, she's eligible for half of it. If she already knows its in the account, its highly unlikely you're going to be able to hide it since if the money now disappears, the court will ask for an accounting of where it went. 

Your biggest problem is that you allowed her to get away with not bothering to work...so now you'll be on the hook for alimony month after month. In most states, once you tolerate a partner who can't be bothered to help support the family, you basically sign up to supporting them long after the marriage is over. It is ridiculous to have to support a grown adult but unfortunately that's what you have to put up. Hopefully you live in one of the states with strict laws on alimony terms and amounts which force adult people to grow up and get jobs.

The longer you're married to her...the more alimony you're going to be paying unless she gets off her butt...so if I were you, I'd pull the trigger sooner rather than later.

You have my sympathy. I would hate to have to support someone like this for any amount of time. Good luck!


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