# Do you ever snoop on your spouse phone/tablet?



## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

I never did it and I don't think I Would ever do it because if my husband would have something to hide, he would delete anyway


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Kristisha said:


> I never did it and I don't think I Would ever do it because *if my husband would have something to hide, he would delete anyway*


With the right tools, that wouldn't matter.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Kristisha said:


> I never did it and I don't think I Would ever do it because if my husband would have something to hide, he would delete anyway



Like Gus said with the right tools it doesn't matter.

I was never one to snoop, until I felt the need to do so. I figured my STBX was smart enough to cover his tracks (they always slip up eventually). But he couldn't hide detailed billing that I could view online. That was enough to make me go full 007.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Never snooped til my wife's iPad was pinging away at 11:00 at night while she was out of town 500 miles away.

I prefer to say I audit and verify her behavior.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

And did you find something?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Never have with my current BF, but if he started acting funky, I would. And I would have zero remorse about it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

You can use psychology and just monitor his behavior...

Try this... Tell your husband that you have had your router create a log of all the internet traffic and keywords in searches in the house and that you found some stuff on it that has you upset and you need to talk about it with him! Watch his reaction... then tell him your were just bluffing to see how he reacted. Based on his reaction decide if you have something you need to talk about with him or not.

Watch for this look: eyes go off into space with awkward silence... Then you have a problem!


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## Zach's daddy (Jan 17, 2015)

If I'm doing right by her as a husband and father I shouldn't have to worry or question her loyalty.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

badsanta said:


> You can use psychology and just monitor his behavior...
> 
> Try this... Tell your husband that you have had your router create a log of all the internet traffic and keywords in searches in the house and that you found some stuff on it that has you upset and you need to talk about it with him! Watch his reaction... then tell him your were just bluffing to see how he reacted. Based on his reaction decide if you have something you need to talk about with him or not.
> 
> Watch for this look: eyes go off into space with awkward silence... Then you have a problem!


 He knows I'm rubbish with the technology so that wouldnt work for me..
Gus Polanski what tools?:scratchhead:


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Zach's daddy said:


> If I'm doing right by her as a husband and father I shouldn't have to worry or question her loyalty.


Yeah sure, in a perfect world you shouldn't have to worry. This is the real world. Are you implying that if you get cheated on it is your own fault?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Zach's daddy said:


> If I'm doing right by her as a husband and father I shouldn't have to worry or question her loyalty.


That's the biggest hunk of crap I've read on here in a long time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Kristisha said:


> And did you find something?


Nope, nothing of note beyond the initial half hour of flirty back and forth texts that night. And believe me I looked.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zach's daddy (Jan 17, 2015)

if I don't give her a reason to stray and cheat then I should have nothing to worry about. I don't take her presence in my life for granted. That's the only thing I'm implying here. Not every marriage is perfect. The one thing I don't question and will never have to question is her fidelity to me. To this family we have built.


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## Zach's daddy (Jan 17, 2015)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> That's the biggest hunk of crap I've read on here in a long time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So explain why that's hunk of crap? If you ha e to sit there and check what your spouse is doing then that means there's no trust there. I've been married almost 10 years and she's never done anything for me to question her loyalty.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

ZD,

There are many many people here who never gave their spouse a reason to stray or cheat. Nonetheless, the spouse did cheat. Also, nobody's marriage is perfect, but imperfection is no excuse to stray or cheat. I am pleased that you and your wife are committed to each other.

Just know there are many spouses here who did everything right and then some who's spouse chose to cheat anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Zach's daddy said:


> So explain why that's hunk of crap? If you ha e to sit there and check what your spouse is doing then that means there's no trust there. I've been married almost 10 years and she's never done anything for me to question her loyalty.


Of course not - if you have no reason to check, why check? It's the folks who have reason to check dumped on them need to check

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Zach's daddy said:


> if I don't give her a reason to stray and cheat then I should have nothing to worry about.


Nice thought, but delusional IMO. 

A. If you are not perfect, giving her a "reason" is always possible.
B. Reasons for cheating aren't always about the spouse


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## Zach's daddy (Jan 17, 2015)

You are absolutely right.


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## Zach's daddy (Jan 17, 2015)

:scratchhead:


zillard said:


> Nice thought, but delusional IMO.
> 
> A. If you are not perfect, giving her a "reason" is always possible.
> B. Reasons for cheating aren't always about the spouse


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Zach's daddy said:


> If I'm doing right by her as a husband and father I shouldn't have to worry or question her loyalty.


You'd like to think so, huh?

Either way, "shouldn't" is the key word in that phrase.

After all, "should" ain't "is", which means that "shouldn't" ain't "isn't".


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Zach's daddy said:


> if I don't give her a reason to stray and cheat then I should have nothing to worry about. I don't take her presence in my life for granted. That's the only thing I'm implying here. Not every marriage is perfect. The one thing I don't question and will never have to question is her fidelity to me. To this family we have built.





Zach's daddy said:


> So explain why that's hunk of crap? If you ha e to sit there and check what your spouse is doing then that means there's no trust there. I've been married almost 10 years and she's never done anything for me to question her loyalty.





Zach's daddy said:


> You are absolutely right.





Zach's daddy said:


> :scratchhead:


So what brought you to TAM?

Just curious...


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Never, and i never will either, nor would my hubby. Both our phones are always in the same place so we could if we wanted, but neither us do because we trust each other.

I think that when you start doing this your lacking trust in the relationship and its not good.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

melw74 said:


> I think that when you start doing this your lacking trust in the relationship and its not good.


Very true. And I would never encourage it unless/until it has reached that point.


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## LetItHappen (Apr 30, 2015)

No. I did log into an ex gf's fb before when I heard she was having an emotional affair. I'm not sure I'd even do that anymore. I just feel more vindicated not snooping. I also hate micromanaging and controlling behavior, so I try my best to just have good faith and believe my wife. I really don't think there's anything I'd need to be worried about.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

melw74 said:


> Never, and i never will either, nor would my hubby. Both our phones are always in the same place so we could if we wanted, but neither us do because we trust each other.
> 
> I think that when you start doing this your lacking trust in the relationship and its not good.


What would happen if husband started working late. Maybe unexplained lunch charge on the credit card statement? A friend sees him out at the pub with a member of the opposite sex?

I'm just always a bit skeptical when folks say I Never, He/She Never. It's all good until he/she gives you a reason to snoop.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

zillard said:


> Very true. And I would never encourage it unless/until it has reached that point.


:iagree:. Totally unless you reach the point where you feel its justified then NO....


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

melw74 said:


> Never, and i never will either, nor would my hubby. Both our phones are always in the same place so we could if we wanted, but neither us do because we trust each other.


This is good. After all, a request for transparency doesn't necessarily mean "Hey, I want to look through all your stuff...".



melw74 said:


> I think that when you start doing this your lacking trust in the relationship and its not good.


Understatement of the year.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> What would happen if husband started working late. Maybe unexplained lunch charge on the credit card statement? A friend sees him out at the pub with a member of the opposite sex?
> 
> I'm always just skeptical when folks say I Never, He/She Never. It's all good until he/she gives you a reason to snoop.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Please read my comment Above. This is the reason why i do not look through his phone because i have never had no reason to.

My husband works and when hes not at work hes with the family. Our friends are mutual so when we entertain its together. Neither of us have nights out unless we go together. We do not really have the opportunity to socialise much....

I suppose he could have an affair at work, but i have no reason to think that. I am quite sure that hes not having an affair or doing anything he shouldn't, and until that day comes i would never go through his phone and invade his privacy. If i really wanted to he would just say "go ahead" but like i say if that day comes then that it will be a day when i have good reasons to...

He most welcome to look through mine, but he wouldnt because he has the same trust in me i have in him...

Of course if he was working late, or started going out or doing things out of the ordinary, then i would know something was wrong and the trust would start to disappear, and i would look for proof that he was up to something...

The thing is my husband is awful at hiding things from people... they always seem to know when hes being less than honest


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> This is good. After all, a request for transparency doesn't necessarily mean "Hey, I want to look through all your stuff...".


Yep. X and I always had a shared password list. 

There was never a reason to use it. Until there was. 

And then they didn't work... 

Never thought I'd see the day. Never considered it a possibility.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> This is good. After all, a request for transparency doesn't necessarily mean "Hey, I want to look through all your stuff...".
> 
> 
> 
> Understatement of the year.


My cousin got it into her head that her hubby was cheating... It consumed her. Day after day she tried to catch her husband out kept going through his phone, checking his Facebook..... Rang me up with her thoughts...

God knows what made her think it, as I really thought he was not like that at all... her reasons, because he accepted friend requests from co workers on Facebook..... and on *** breaks would have normal chit chat with female workers and MALE workers ( only worried about females)... he was very open about this to her....

And everyday from the moment she woke up would think this... like i say she would confide in me with it all...

Well she asked him and he was totally dumbfounded, could not believe she actually thought this and was clearly upset that she was snooping on him.. She never found any proof... shes still with him and trying to work on her issues.

I think she just got that thought in her head and could not get it out... I would hate to live like that.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

zillard said:


> Yep. X and I always had a shared password list.
> 
> There was never a reason to use it. Until there was.
> 
> ...


My husband has no password on his phone and my phone is a old phone that i just use for just plain texting and calling...

We hardly ever us our phones. Some people never put them down .

Phones are not really our thing... My husband would also kill me for telling anyone this but hes not really good with laptops either. He can only play games on it..

But he is 60 and hes not really good with modern technology:smthumbup:


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Zach's daddy said:


> So explain why that's hunk of crap? If you ha e to sit there and check what your spouse is doing then that means there's no trust there. *I've been married almost 10 years and she's never done anything for me to question her loyalty*.


Correction, she has never done anything to lead you to _doubt_ her loyalty (or you have never looked into it, or both). In a relationship that depends on loyalty, both partners should continuously be questioning/querying their partners loyalty, and also reinforcing it... but you don't do this offensively, you do it organically through participation with each other in planning and doing activities together. And you don't get your answers by asking questions, quizzing her or putting your partner on the spot, you get your answers by observing and relying on your own determination.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Never snooped, never will. 

I trust my wife and she trusts me. This is very important in a relationship - the belief that there is someone who really has your best interests at heart, someone you can trust absolutely. 

Its worked for 25 years now - what ever disagreements we may have had, I've had absolute trust. Sure, I might come home today and find her in bed with someone, but I will still have had those years. That is better to me than to spend my live worrying and snooping. Never knowing if there is nothing going on, or if she is just good at covering her tracks.

I would leave before I would snoop -because snooping can never fix lost trust.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> I would leave before I would snoop -because snooping can never fix lost trust.


How would you get to that point? Would you leave due to unconfirmed suspicions, knowing you might be wrong?


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> Never snooped, never will.
> 
> I trust my wife and she trusts me. This is very important in a relationship - the belief that there is someone who really has your best interests at heart, someone you can trust absolutely.
> ...


This is what i think Richard. I think its very important to have trust.... I would go as far as to say one of the most important parts. I think its a very good thing to have.

Its not healthy to live your life with fear and worry about what if's. I have suffered with anxiety and depression in the past... I have had enough worry without adding lack of trust to the list.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> Never snooped, never will.
> 
> I trust my wife and she trusts me. This is very important in a relationship - the belief that there is someone who really has your best interests at heart, someone you can trust absolutely.
> ...


Trust is crucial, but blind faith is dumb. I had my ex W's interests closely at my heart, and I completely trusted that she did mine too. That was a mistake that cost me a lot more than what I felt I at one time had with her. Now, I learned that I will not put blind faith in ANYONE to put my interests first not even my significant other - that is solely for me to do, and likewise for her to keep her own interests at heart - being in a relationship with each other means that we can help each other along each others journey by communicating intimately our own interests and helping each other achieve them.

This way I can still go on living in a happy relationship with good boundaries which I know I'm capable of enforcing, and still be able to experience my own journey. I have trust in my SO to treat me well, to treat others fairly, and to just be herself and because of this I know now that I will forever treasure these years with her regardless of the outcome... But I will not put trust in the idea that she is on the same journey as I am, because that is not in the scope of things over which I can change.

Putting trust in each other is important, but think carefully about what that actually means - you can't just have "complete universal trust" in someone because that is just unspecific, lazy and fantastical - approaching a relationship with blissful ignorance is not a respectful way to treat someone you claim to love.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> Never snooped, never will.
> 
> I trust my wife and she trusts me. This is very important in a relationship - the belief that there is someone who really has your best interests at heart, someone you can trust absolutely.
> ...


in my last relationship, we went to MC and the counselor had a different take.

he wasn't "advocating" for snooping....but it was the MC's position there should be NO passwords (or pw's shared), social media should be open to both parties....in other words full open transparency........not much need to snoop if you have open range any time you want.

as for "25 years" together...CONGRATS!!!!

but i want to point out something here......the world was different 25 years ago. the internet was in its infancy, no smart phones, no FB, no texting and so on.

sadly, these new wonderful things we have today facilitate cheating and all sorts of things that us "older" folks didn't have to deal with......

the younger kids now that have had this entirely in their life....i feel sorry for. so many ways to get distracted, so many ways to get "lost in the sauce" so easily when they play keep up with the jones' becasuse of all this technology.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

I trust humans to be human. I think each and every one of us is capable of doing terrible things (including cheating) given the right (or wrong) circumstances, as well as marvelous, loving things. 

Thing is, when infidelity does happen there is little chance of working through it and repairing a relationship without full disclosure. 

People rarely confess to infidelity unless caught red handed. They lie, get very good at hiding things, blameshift, gaslight, and whatever else is necessary to avoid confronting what they have done. In the fog they even convince themselves that they are doing this to protect their partner from heartache. 

Most people that have come here for that issue did have blind trust. And many that do resort to snooping are doing so in an effort to expose the problem - in order to get to a place where repairing the relationship is possible. 

In a case of infidelity, without being (un)lucky enough to have walked in on them, a person is left with a choice. Leave and live with second guessing themselves forever, stay and allow it, or dig.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

I've never understood the issue of phone privacy between spouses. We don't have a home line so when my phone rings, my wife simply answers it if she is closest. If I need to grab her much nicer I-phone to check something on-line, I do it. If she ever decides to check-out my Facebook account or email accounts or text messages when she has my phone, I really wouldn't mind.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I was married for over 20 years to my STBX, a man I thought was incapable of lying and cheating at all. He was always the "perfect" husband. Until, he started acting strange. Getting up for work very early and coming home late, he has an important job so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

He started checking his cell phone more often and kept it with him at all times. He was withdrawn and not acting himself. He started running after years of not having time. Said it was a "life long dream" to complete a marathon and started training for one. This "life long dream" was totally new news to me his life long partner. He started blowing up at me for no reason and storming off, to go to the "driving range"...Enough already, I logged into our cell phone account and looked at the bill.

Long story short, my formerly very trustworthy husband was having a full fledged affair with a 29 year old who just coincidentally was a triathlete. 

It was the first time I EVER snooped and it was the last. I filed for divorce and kicked him to the curb.

Never say never, it doesn't matter how trustworthy you think they are. It CAN happen to you. 

I would never stay in a relationship where I felt I had to snoop all the time. That is not a good way to live IMO. But to each his own.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

melw74 said:


> This is what i think Richard. *I think its very important to have trust.... I would go as far as to say one of the most important parts. I think its a very good thing to have.*
> 
> Its not healthy to live your life with fear and worry about what if's. I have suffered with anxiety and depression in the past... I have had enough worry without adding lack of trust to the list.


And it's much, much easier to trust a person when he or she goes out of his or her way -- at every turn -- to earn your trust.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Steve1000 said:


> I've never understood the issue of phone privacy between spouses. We don't have a home line so when my phone rings, my wife simply answers it if she is closest. If I need to grab her much nicer I-phone to check something on-line, I do it. If she ever decides to check-out my Facebook account or email accounts or text messages when she has my phone, I really wouldn't mind.


The only problem with sharing phones for facebook, email etc, is that they sync to a single account for each service... you can use the website versions of those services but it's usually just less hassle to carry your own phone on you. My phone is like a personal accessory for me, I'm not really comfortable with other people using it, though my GF can rifle through my photo gallery or google information if she wants.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
The problem is that no amount of snooping can prove that nothing is going on. My wife is brilliant, and I'm not a particularly dim bulb myself - so a game of spy vs. spy would be interesting technical challenge - but not one I want to play for real.

I have my privacy - for example I post here. She is welcome to hers.

It would take a lot to make me lose trust. Something obvious, not just a hint. 

I live with the knowledge that some cancer cells may be growing in my lungs, or that an artery in my brain may burst at any moment, or that my airplane might catch fire, or that I will be killed by extremists while on travel. I accept that life is not certain.

In 50 years I will be dead. I've spent about that long trusting people and if I have been betrayed, I'm not aware of it. I don't see any reason not to spend the rest of my life that way. 

If I lean that my wife has had a series of affairs, I will accept the lesson that I am a poorer judge of people than I think I am, and move on. 





zillard said:


> How would you get to that point? Would you leave due to unconfirmed suspicions, knowing you might be wrong?


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

_So what brought you to TAM?

Just curious..._


Acutally I am curious as I see this on TAM from time to time. What difference does it make why Zach’s Daddy is here on TAM? Would it make his statements less credible or not accurate depending on his response? The site is Talk About Marriage, not Talk About Bad Marriage and such. Its for all types. I am not calling you out Gus I have read here for a long time and I like your posts (love your avatar) but I see this when someone that does not has a long post count gives an opiniion of a good marriage. We call all learn from all types. There are plenty of people on here and a lot with heavy post counts that are in good marriages why does it matter? Look at some of the comments this person got just by saying something that is not what the herd believes in.

_That's the biggest hunk of crap I've read on here in a long time.

Nice thought, but delusional IMO.

You'd like to think so, huh?_

Really just because its not on par with some of peoples own experience doesnt make that thought any less valid.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> In 50 years I will be dead. I've spent about that long trusting people and if I have been betrayed, I'm not aware of it. I don't see any reason not to spend the rest of my life that way.


Excellent. Good for you. Seriously. I hope that never changes.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Eagle3 said:


> _So what brought you to TAM?
> 
> Just curious..._
> 
> ...


In all fairness, it DID sound like he was blaming betrayed spouses for being betrayed.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I think Zach qualified his statement enough, for my satisfaction anyway. I wish I hadn't used "hunk of crap". That should only apply to Tom Brady's punishment. So to Zach I apologize.

We think of snooping in the context of infidelity.

What if spouse had an online gaming or shopping habit? Wouldn't some snooping be called for?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

In my former marriage there was never an "expectation of privacy" unless one of us was in the bathroom with the door locked. So under those rules I never did "snoop".


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Eagle3 said:


> _So what brought you to TAM?
> 
> Just curious..._
> 
> ...


Honestly, no… it doesn't matter why ZD is here. That said, it’s a known truth that most folks that find their way to TAM do so in order to gain insight w/ respect to serious problems that exist within their marriages. Additionally, it occurred to me that ZD's earlier posts would probably give the impression to any outside observer that he's yet to experience any such problems. Hence my curiosity... and hence the question.

Still, the views expressed by ZD in his earlier posts tend to ignore a single, universal truth — that, generally speaking, a person has no reason to distrust his or her spouse (or anyone, really)… until he (or she) does. That’s typically where snooping begins. Most people don’t do it w/o reason. It’s also worth nothing that a great many of the BS's that have landed here — especially in CWI — since TAM's inception once held those very same views.

And as for what can be learned from the perspective that one would generally associate w/ ZD’s earlier posts…? What I typically learn (or, rather, infer) is that the person who posted them has yet to experience a betrayal so significant that it fundamentally alters his or her views w/ respect to at least SOME of the most oft-repeated (and, seemingly, from rote) tripe regarding marriage. And I hope that none of them ever do.

Also, if we’re a herd of any sort, then we’re a rather peculiar one: culled from many other, larger herds, w/ any existing brands cut away, and leaving behind only scars from the knife used to do the cutting.

ETA: Feel free to call me out on anything that I post, as (a) I (usually) won't take it personally, and (b) I'm perfectly fine w/ defending my posts.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

On occasion, we see the below situation at TAM. I am thinking of one thread in particular where a husband has checked and watched his wife for 5+ years, even going so far as to have her do a polysomnograph, with very scant "evidence". She passed the PSG but he is still bothered a long-standing relationship (the wife's business partner.)



melw74 said:


> My cousin got it into her head that her hubby was cheating... It consumed her. Day after day she tried to catch her husband out kept going through his phone, checking his Facebook..... Rang me up with her thoughts...
> 
> God knows what made her think it, as I really thought he was not like that at all... her reasons, because he accepted friend requests from co workers on Facebook..... and on *** breaks would have normal chit chat with female workers and MALE workers ( only worried about females)... he was very open about this to her....
> 
> ...


However, most of the time, it's the opposite. People come onto TAM looking for advice. There is evidence, which usually comes out as the poster explains more, suggesting that an affair is going on. And the poster won't have it. They won't hear of it- the marriage might have problems, but the spouse would never cheat. The poster has to be pushed and prodded before they start to snoop. 

Personally, I have snooped. I have been burnt before, not via infidelity but by addiction. My husband has also been burnt by both infidelity and addiction, so we we both get the reason behind it and at least on my end, I wouldn't take it personally if he felt the need to snoop. I've snooped before to see if he was using a lot of porn at a time when his drive was very low (nope. The low drive turned out to be due to one of his medications). I just found a purchase from the florist section in a local grocery store on our bank statement. It was Mother's Day on Sunday. I didn't get flowers, and my MIL and SIL are both away on vacations. So I did a little snooping of phone and email. There wasn't anything of interest so I'll ask him about it later this week (I usually do a reconciliation of the bank account on weekly pay days.) I am not really very worried about it at this time, because I can think of two reasons for a purchase, but it's a flag and I will be more alert for other potentials. 

(As an aside: You'd think that someone who was cheating wouldn't be daft enough to make a purchase on a shared account, but from what I've seen, they will do it and simply lie about it to their unsuspecting spouse, they will make up some other barely-believable reason. This is so common, it has it's own term, "gaslighting".)

The thing is- it is very hard to justify breaking up a relationship just on a suspicion. Back when my ex started to act oddly, we were planning a marriage, I had post-grad education plans, we had family plans. We'd had several great years- I wasn't going to throw it all away because something was just off. I wanted to find out what exactly was going on. At the time, I just asked him. But of course, he wasn't going to own up. He was ashamed, and he wanted to keep on using, and he didn't want to lose his future anymore than I did. So he had every reason for his decision to lie to me. It took me a while to catch on. The pressure and the risk is so much greater for a marriage, for a family with kids, for bigger assets and a long history. No one gives that up without a solid reason. "I just couldn't shake my suspicions" isn't going to do it.

For this reason, if I have questions, I will ask but I will also do some pre-checking. Who knows, I might have found a message from his mom saying, "Thanks for the flowers! So sweet of you to have them delivered!" Question answered.

It also happens on TAM that someone who should have snooped and either chose not to or just didn't think of it. To me they are very sad threads- "spouse left, new man/woman suddenly is in the picture?" These posters are blind-sided twice over and are the most vulnerable when it comes to protecting him/herself in a divorce. When they have kids, they are in a significantly weakened position re: custody and overall mental health/relationships with the kids.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

As for me (divorced me WW and now remarried), we share all passwords. She even has access to my work stuff. The only thing I cannot see is her Linkedin account and when I have asked for that password she refused. That said, I can view it if I really want to.

As to snooping, I keep an eye on her as she has had a small EA in the past and is well "liked" by some of the older writer men in her circles. But as to overt snooping I may do so this weekend, but that thread has already made the rounds here.

Trust but verify, as they say.


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## Zach's daddy (Jan 17, 2015)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I think Zach qualified his statement enough, for my satisfaction anyway. I wish I hadn't used "hunk of crap". That should only apply to Tom Brady's punishment. So to Zach I apologize.
> 
> We think of snooping in the context of infidelity.
> 
> ...


All is well. We're good phillyguy. What they did to Brady is a hunk of crap


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Zach's daddy said:


> All is well. We're good phillyguy. *What they did to Brady is a hunk of crap*


I'd imagine that this entire debacle has deflated his ego a bit.

LOL.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Kristisha said:


> I never did it and I don't think I Would ever do it because if my husband would have something to hide, he would delete anyway


Yes I snoop and it doesn't bother me in the least. There is no real expectation of privacy in a marriage.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

zillard said:


> I trust humans to be human. I think each and every one of us is capable of doing terrible things (including cheating) given the right (or wrong) circumstances, as well as marvelous, loving things.
> 
> Thing is, when infidelity does happen there is little chance of working through it and repairing a relationship without full disclosure.
> 
> ...


I know i have not got it in me to do terrible things. People will probably think "yer right" but its true. I cant think of a terrible thing i have done anyway.

Some of the things you have said here makes it sound as if were all cheating and hiding it lol.

You can sit there all day thinking is my partner cheating and drive yourself crazy with worry,.... not a good way to live.

I think its good to trust your spouse a 100%.... some people are terrible liars, and some are very good... my hubby not so good, some people cant live with guilt. I think if my husband did have cheat it would eat him up. I do not think he would be able to live with it if he slept with someone else.

I know if i cheated i would be gone hes told me he would never stay no matter what i did... hes told me what would happen if i ever broke his trust... that is not something i am willing the gamble with.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

RoseAglow said:


> On occasion, we see the below situation at TAM. I am thinking of one thread in particular where a husband has checked and watched his wife for 5+ years, even going so far as to have her do a polysomnograph, with very scant "evidence". She passed the PSG but he is still bothered a long-standing relationship (the wife's business partner.)
> 
> 
> 
> ...


When my cousin suspected him it started to ruin her life, it was affecting her appearance she stopped socialising, even eating. She lost **** load of weight and you could tell it was taking her toll, her husband just assumed it was a little bit of depression (runs through our family). Every little thing she would think of the worst, if he was a little late he was with someone else...

It was pretty awful to see, Looking back maybe i should have said something to him, but my hubby thought that i would be interfering and she was not very happy about me speaking to anyone about it....

Like i say nothing was ever found and he really did not give her any reason to mistrust him, she just could not help it.

I do not envy anyone that has to live like that it must be horrible especially to the extent it affected my cousin


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## Ebbie123 (May 12, 2015)

Kristisha said:


> I never did it and I don't think I Would ever do it because if my husband would have something to hide, he would delete anyway




Well, I've been with mine for 14 years & every time I snooped, I found out he was cheating. So if you have a gut feeling, look somewhere else. If you said he'd delete it anyway, he's obviously smarter than that. Think outside the box.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Eagle3 said:


> _So what brought you to TAM?
> 
> Just curious..._
> 
> ...


Not everybody on TAM are in bad marriages. I have a great marriage, its perfect to me. I found this forum by mistake had a look about and enjoyed being here.

I think its really interesting to chat to others and see how everybody else lives. Its good to have an insight on other peoples marriages to see how they differ from yours etc.

Its also good to be able to give advice to people who may need it...

If people questioned why i was here, I would simple say "i am here because i want to be"...

I am not a sheep, I say what i feel and think not what i think everybody wants to hear.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

"Trust, but verify." - Ronald Reagan


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I think Zach qualified his statement enough, for my satisfaction anyway. I wish I hadn't used "hunk of crap". That should only apply to Tom Brady's punishment. So to Zach I apologize.
> 
> We think of snooping in the context of infidelity.
> 
> ...



This are bad habits but I don't know if snooping would be the answer but then again when you see that your account is empty because of it you'll start to investigate a bit. At least I would do it


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Kristisha said:


> This are bad habits but I don't know if snooping would be the answer but then again when you see that your account is empty because of it you'll start to investigate a bit. At least I would do it


I would snoop BEFORE the account was empty.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> I would snoop BEFORE the account was empty.


If you knew before of it, I agree


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> And it's much, much easier to trust a person when he or she goes out of his or her way -- at every turn -- to earn your trust.


I never have to worry about trust because hiding anything would be anathema to my husband. If his iPad was beeping, he would scroll to the history and just show it to me.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

I hate to say this, but I'm actually considering snooping on my wife's phone. Interesting history with us, as confident as I am that she wouldn't cheat on me, I noticed a slightly disturbing pattern.

1. I used to know her PW
2. She got rid of her PW
3. She changed her PW and won't give it to me. I asked if I could have it and she asked why. I don't really know what to say other than "Well, I want to check up on you"


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

JukeboxHero said:


> I hate to say this, but I'm actually considering snooping on my wife's phone. Interesting history with us, as confident as I am that she wouldn't cheat on me, I noticed a slightly disturbing pattern.
> 
> 1. I used to know her PW
> 2. She got rid of her PW
> 3. She changed her PW and won't give it to me. I asked if I could have it and she asked why. I don't really know what to say other than "Well, I want to check up on you"


I would be pissed, why would you needn't a password if you have nothing to hide? 
Especially when she changed her password ... This is an extra precaution to insure her privacy but my question is..., why?:scratchhead:


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Steve1000 said:


> I've never understood the issue of phone privacy between spouses. We don't have a home line so when my phone rings, my wife simply answers it if she is closest. If I need to grab her much nicer I-phone to check something on-line, I do it. If she ever decides to check-out my Facebook account or email accounts or text messages when she has my phone, I really wouldn't mind.





JukeboxHero said:


> I hate to say this, but I'm actually considering snooping on my wife's phone. Interesting history with us, as confident as I am that she wouldn't cheat on me, I noticed a slightly disturbing pattern.
> 
> 1. I used to know her PW
> 2. She got rid of her PW
> 3. She changed her PW and won't give it to me. I asked if I could have it and she asked why. I don't really know what to say other than "Well, I want to check up on you"



And this is how it usually begins. Someone who formerly never felt the need to "snoop" senses a change that does not make sense and feels the need to reassure themselves. 

If you sense a change like this in your relationship and you find it disturbing, follow up on it. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I made it clear to my GF when we decided to be serious about our relationship that I wasn't going to be in a committed relationship and not have transparency. I have nothing to hide, I have no issue in sharing anything and everything in my life, especially if it makes her more comfortable.

I expect the same from her. I feel like the kind of relationship where both people can be open, check eachother's stuff whenever they want BUILDS trust. It is hard not to trust someone when you open up your lives and say, "whatever you want to see, here it is."

Because we have that kind of openness, I don't feel the need to pry. As soon as she started getting defensive, or questioning me, is when I would start feeling like I need to snoop. But from the last few years, honestly I probably would just call it quits at that point, because if someone wanted to have an evidence-free affair that is easy to pull off.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

See, and this would probably be the time i would start to have a few doubts and the trust would start to wane...

Changing the p/w and you not knowing it now why?... and why will she not give it to you if she has nothing to hide?...

If shes changed the password and done so and wont give it to you, shes done it for a reason.. and i would be asking a few questions.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

melw74 said:


> See, and this would probably be the time i would start to have a few doubts and the trust would start to wane...
> 
> Changing the p/w and you not knowing it now why?... and why will she not give it to you if she has nothing to hide?...
> 
> If shes changed the password and done so and wont give it to you, shes done it for a reason.. and i would be asking a few questions.


And if the answers to those questions were even more suspicious...

never say never

Few of us "live life like that". At least not for long.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

melw74 said:


> I know i have not got it in me to do terrible things. People will probably think "yer right" but its true. I cant think of a terrible thing i have done anyway.


You sound very sweet, as does your hubby. 

But no, I don't think there are good people and bad people. I think there are healthy and unhealthy people, damaged and recovered, good and bad choices. And the more we make of either, the easier it is to choose the same. Good choices lead to good choices and a healthy life. Keep doing what you're doing.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

JukeboxHero said:


> I hate to say this, but I'm actually considering snooping on my wife's phone. Interesting history with us, as confident as I am that she wouldn't cheat on me, I noticed a slightly disturbing pattern.
> 
> 1. I used to know her PW
> 2. She got rid of her PW
> 3. She changed her PW and won't give it to me. I asked if I could have it and she asked why. I don't really know what to say other than "Well, I want to check up on you"


Get some closure on this whether you get her PW or not.

You don't want her saying "you could have looked if you had wanted to. You just didn't try hard enough......"

Well, try hard enough now.


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## saubryn (May 12, 2015)

I know my husband's passwords. He no longer knows all of mine because I changed them when one of my accounts got compromised. However, I leave my desktop computer on 24/7 365 and I don't lock it. I leave that computer signed in to all of my social media accounts, and my email client has all my email accounts set up, so if he wants to look, he can.

I looked at his message history early in the relationship. We've been married more than 10 years now and I've never looked since. He looks at my screen every now and then when I have conversations going on but to my knowledge doesn't actively snoop.

I never used to lock my phone, but I put an unlock gesture on it recently. I did this because I teach kid's classes at a local gym and one of the kids picked up my phone and started using it without my permission. I keep records of each lesson on the phone, and I didn't want any parents or kids seeing notes I'd made about the other kids.

It was weeks before my husband even noticed that I'd password protected my phone. He made a joke about me having something to hide/running off with one of the guys for the gym. I walked over to him and said "Ah, this is the gesture, sorry, I just didn't want the kiddies playing with my phone, do you want to see it again?"

His response was a simple "Meh, whatever. I'll never remember it anyway."

I have different ringtones for different people so he's got a vague idea of who I'm talking to most of the time just from the notification sound. 

We have a very relaxed relationship when it comes to stuff like opposite sex friends (I found this forum looking for thoughts for how to reassure a friend's spouse that I'm not trying to steal their man.) and boundaries in general. I think the only reason that works is because we're both so open when it comes to communication.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> Get some closure on this whether you get her PW or not.
> 
> You don't want her saying "you could have looked if you had wanted to. You just didn't try hard enough......"
> 
> Well, try hard enough now.


Right, so what would I say to her in order to gain access? The only reason I can think is to look at pics she recently took of me. (similar to how she used my phone for the same thing recently)


Btw, I did look at her phone once when she was showing me some poems she wrote. I took a quick look at her texts and didn't see anyone outside her friends/family. However, she tends to do some good "housekeeping" on her phone. She didn't have a lot of texts. She did mention a lot of her txts/pics got deleted or erased somehow when she was transferring them to her new phone. I believe this because she's missing a lot of pics she wouldn't otherwise delete.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
One more detail, my wife and I both work for organizations that require that email be secure - more so for her than for me. She really wouldn't be allowed to let me access her business email. So not only am I not interested in snooping, it might be rather serious crime for me to try to do so.....


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## grushim1239 (Apr 13, 2015)

I have snooped through my husband's phone before. I didn't do it because I thought he was cheating on me. I did however think that he was lying to me about other things, and he was. He is a pathological liar, and I just needed confirmation, to make sure that I wasn't crazy....lol.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

What was he lying about?


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

JukeboxHero said:


> Right, so what would I say to her in order to gain access? The only reason I can think is to look at pics she recently took of me. (similar to how she used my phone for the same thing recently)
> 
> 
> Btw, I did look at her phone once when she was showing me some poems she wrote. I took a quick look at her texts and didn't see anyone outside her friends/family. However, she tends to do some good "housekeeping" on her phone. She didn't have a lot of texts. She did mention a lot of her txts/pics got deleted or erased somehow when she was transferring them to her new phone. I believe this because she's missing a lot of pics she wouldn't otherwise delete.


More important than your reason for wanting it is her reason for not sharing. I would ask her, why not?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## grushim1239 (Apr 13, 2015)

Kristisha said:


> What was he lying about?


His ex-wife had bought his son a truck, with $400/month payments. He had agreed to make the truck payments and the insurance (on top of child support), without discussing it with me. When I asked him about it, he told me that he wasn't paying anything but the child support. I don't mind him do anything for his son, but we didn't even have groceries in the house (and we have 2 teenagers that live with us), but his son was driving around in a new pickup.

There are other things too. He's a pathological liar, and will lie about anything to make himself look good or to manipulate me.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

I have snooped on my wife's phone. Not because I suspected her of cheating. It was more to do with her sister in-law constantly trying to stir things up between my wife and I. 
I'm not really proud of doing it, but I wanted to know why she would be acting certain ways towards me. 
My wife now knows exactly how I feel about her sil and my oldest daughter(13) has never really liked her either, and not because of anything I have said.
Now that she is rarely in the picture and our marriage is better than it has ever been, I couldn't be bothered to look. 
If my wife wants to see my phone, I'll gladly hand it over to her so she can satisfy any curiosities she may have.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

grushim1239 said:


> His ex-wife had bought his son a truck, with $400/month payments. He had agreed to make the truck payments and the insurance (on top of child support), without discussing it with me. When I asked him about it, he told me that he wasn't paying anything but the child support. I don't mind him do anything for his son, but we didn't even have groceries in the house (and we have 2 teenagers that live with us), but his son was driving around in a new pickup.
> 
> There are other things too. He's a pathological liar, and will lie about anything to make himself look good or to manipulate me.



Sorry to hear that and I do know how I
Hard is to live with a pathological liar. My dad was just like your husband and it was very difficult for my mum because you just couldn't trust him with absolutely anything.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> One more detail, my wife and I both work for organizations that require that email be secure - more so for her than for me. She really wouldn't be allowed to let me access her business email. So not only am I not interested in snooping, it might be rather serious crime for me to try to do so.....


Richard, similar situation here. My work correspondence is confidential on encrypted, company-owned machine. I never provided her access to that and would not. We both knew my correspondence is monitored, only work-related, and I work from home so really a non issue. Especially as I shared all other passwords including personal email and social media accounts.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

JukeboxHero said:


> Right, so what would I say to her in order to gain access? The only reason I can think is to look at pics she recently took of me. (similar to how she used my phone for the same thing recently)
> 
> 
> Btw, I did look at her phone once when she was showing me some poems she wrote. I took a quick look at her texts and didn't see anyone outside her friends/family. However, she tends to do some good "housekeeping" on her phone. She didn't have a lot of texts. She did mention a lot of her txts/pics got deleted or erased somehow when she was transferring them to her new phone. I believe this because she's missing a lot of pics she wouldn't otherwise delete.


Maybe this is the time to talk about transparency in a relationship and how both you should know each other's PWs for various accounts. 

Perhaps someone else could put a little bit of meat on that introduction.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

zillard said:


> never say never


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

grushim1239 said:


> There are other things too. He's a pathological liar, and will lie about anything to make himself look good or to manipulate me.


I'm sorry. I lived with one of those for 12 years.


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## grushim1239 (Apr 13, 2015)

Kristisha said:


> Sorry to hear that and I do know how I
> Hard is to live with a pathological liar. My dad was just like your husband and it was very difficult for my mum because you just couldn't trust him with absolutely anything.


It really is very hard to live with him. When he thinks things are rocky, he'll fake illnesses or wonderful job offers. 

He has even lied on my children to their grandparents.


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## grushim1239 (Apr 13, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> I'm sorry. I lived with one of those for 12 years.


Thank you! I have lived with mine for 12 years.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

grushim1239 said:


> It really is very hard to live with him. When he thinks things are rocky, he'll fake illnesses or wonderful job offers.


SHUT THE FRONT DOOR my BF did the exact same things! When he knew I was serious about kicking him out, he 'fainted' and 'slammed his head on the pavement' during a break at work. PUHUUHLLLEEZE.  

I understand where you are right now.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

grushim1239 said:


> It really is very hard to live with him. When he thinks things are rocky, he'll fake illnesses or wonderful job offers.
> 
> He has even lied on my children to their grandparents.


It's getting worse as the years go by. i forgot to mention that my mum divorced him a few years ago. It's like he lives in his own world. Even for me was hard with him because I didn't trust him with nothing and sometimes you think that it's useless to even try to reason with him or to have a normal conversation.

Even with the rest of family the relationship deteriorated. Most of time I'm just puzzled by his behaviour


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## HuggyBear (Aug 4, 2012)

I would snoop on my wife's phone, but she speaks (with most friends, acquaintances, and at work) a language I don't really understand, and even if I did, if she had any reason to believe I was snooping, or just wanted to disguise it, she could use plenty of euphemisms, jargon, or just plain slang to easily disguise it or make it unintelligible after a literal translation.


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## grushim1239 (Apr 13, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> SHUT THE FRONT DOOR my BF did the exact same things! When he knew I was serious about kicking him out, he 'fainted' and 'slammed his head on the pavement' during a break at work. PUHUUHLLLEEZE.
> 
> I understand where you are right now.


That is crazy!!! He's had prostate cancer, heart attacks, strokes....you name it!!


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## grushim1239 (Apr 13, 2015)

Kristisha said:


> It's getting worse as the years go by. i forgot to mention that my mum divorced him a few years ago. It's like he lives in his own world. Even for me was hard with him because I didn't trust him with nothing and sometimes you think that it's useless to even try to reason with him or to have a normal conversation.
> 
> Even with the rest of family the relationship deteriorated. Most of time I'm just puzzled by his behaviour


It really is puzzling. I have decided that my husband is a narcissist and I think that's the reason he does this.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

Grushim1239 this could be one reason and the fact that no matter what he is always gone have a ruff over his hand, food on the table and all the bills paid, in other words no care in the world.

That's because it's always gonna be someone who is gone take care of him , the household and the children


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## grushim1239 (Apr 13, 2015)

Kristisha said:


> Grushim1239 this could be one reason and the fact that no matter what he is always gone have a ruff over his hand, food on the table and all the bills paid, in other words no care in the world.
> 
> That's because it's always gonna be someone who is gone take care of him , the household and the children


Yes!! His parents, his sister, and his uncle ALWAYS bail him out. Whether it be with money, vehicles, whatever....


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

grushim1239 said:


> Yes!! His parents, his sister, and his uncle ALWAYS bail him out. Whether it be with money, vehicles, whatever....


That's why he is the way he is


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## grushim1239 (Apr 13, 2015)

Kristisha said:


> That's why he is the way he is


You are exactly right :smthumbup:


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

zillard said:


> You sound very sweet, as does your hubby.
> 
> But no, I don't think there are good people and bad people. I think there are healthy and unhealthy people, damaged and recovered, good and bad choices. And the more we make of either, the easier it is to choose the same. Good choices lead to good choices and a healthy life. Keep doing what you're doing.


Thanks I try to be. Yes he is a good one, I am very proud to be his wife, and i count myself very lucky that he married me, and i try to be the best wife i can be.

We have always said of we have a problem then we should speak about it. If either of us are unhappy we want to know so we can do something about it.

All i want is a honest marriage and my husband to be faithful to me, and i will give him the best life i possibly can.


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## grushim1239 (Apr 13, 2015)

It really is like dealing with another child. It is annoying and very tiring most times. I have to worry about what he's going to say and who he's going to say it in front of.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Kristisha said:


> Do you ever snoop on your spouse phone/tablet?


Yes. (warning rant ahead)

Last year, wife and I were on vacation. Went to her parents first--6 hour trip. I suffered through 2 days with them then went to Maine to visit her grandmother. We were supposed to camp and I took many vacation days to enjoy this. I had to drive the whole damn time. We got in late, the route her dad made us take was through freakin' Vermont which took twice as long then if we had just gone the interstate. 

By the time we set up "camp" and got dinner it was way late.

The next day we were to visit her grandmother and take her to a special restaurant. Her grandmother love it and I was blessed by being able to do that for her. 

So we've been camping on pristine Maine beach for 2 nights and no sexy time. I'm pretty upset by now.

The next day we broke camp and she wanted to go by LL Bean to shop. I said sure but we needed to leave by a certain time so we didn't get back to her folks late. While we were in LL Bean she grabbed my arm all of a sudden saying she likes this one thing but wants me to go get her phone out of the car so she can compare prices online. She is already over like 1/2 hour when she said she would stay, I'm already pissed we are here so I tell her she's on crack. I tell her I'm going to wait in the car. While I'm there I see her phone and start to browse. I find a conversation with her and another man that she is flirting with gratuitously. I take pictures of it with my own device for future evidence. 

Long story short. She had only texted him, not actually done anything--Allegedly. There were a few times prior to this when she had to run out to the store for something that I thought was out of character for her. To this day I am not convinced she didn't do anything with him. She swore she didn't do anything and I don't have any evidence to the contrary.

In her texts she had planned on meeting him for wine on a day that she was driving downtown. Luckily he got delayed at his previous job and wasn't able to make it. 

The thing I find amazing about the whole ordeal is when I confronted her she made excuses as to why she did what she did. I had basically sacrificed a week's vacation so that she could be with her family and visit her grandmother (the camping was no picnic). She said she felt bad about making me do that while she was still communicating him. 

After we got home and unpacked she got angry that I was snooping on her. Saying something about because I didn't trust her revealed a character flaw in me. yeah.

That all said, I no longer snoop. I don't want to know. If she is cheating then I'll leave that between her and her god. I can't financially afford a separation right now so I don't see the use in building a case for one.

This is at least the third time she has had a serious emotional affair with another man. Every time has been the same pattern, that I am somehow to blame for the problem by snooping. 

The reason why I won't snoop anymore is because I no longer care.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Kristisha said:


> I never did it and I don't think I Would ever do it because if my husband would have something to hide, he would delete anyway


I start snooping about a month before her Birthday and around November. If I didn't -I would look like such an awesome gift giver. 

But other than that...not really. I have never found anything questionable...other than things she told me about right away (i.e., her creepy stalker guy). She never hides her phone or tablet or computer...they are always just lying around. No passwords other than the typical one we both use. 

I mean..I suppose there could be something there...but I haven't ever noticed it. 

Is there any smoke going on? There is usually at least a little bit of smoke if there is a fire.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

committed_guy said:


> Yes. (warning rant ahead)
> 
> Last year, wife and I were on vacation. Went to her parents first--6 hour trip. I suffered through 2 days with them then went to Maine to visit her grandmother. We were supposed to camp and I took many vacation days to enjoy this. I had to drive the whole damn time. We got in late, the route her dad made us take was through freakin' Vermont which took twice as long then if we had just gone the interstate.
> 
> ...


 If I was you I would stop being the nice and good guy. It's not worth it to go for a "Holliday " just for her if she doesn't care for you. I mean she was just plain rude.

And to me emotional affairs are like a proper affair because for those implicated it's just having the opportunity to met and "bond".
This is how it's all started in every other affair.

What I would do is to give her a bit of taste of her own medicine to give her the impression that she could be replaced, everyone is replaceable.

to be honest I would have snapped if my husband would have been upset by me snooping:sleeping: 
By that's just me.....:scratchhead:


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

MarriedDude said:


> I start snooping about a month before her Birthday and around November. If I didn't -I would look like such an awesome gift giver.
> 
> But other than that...not really. I have never found anything questionable...other than things she told me about right away (i.e., her creepy stalker guy). She never hides her phone or tablet or computer...they are always just lying around. No passwords other than the typical one we both use.
> 
> ...



If she doesn't hide her phone or tablet or she is not changing her passwords then I would not worry..
Maybe you could find anything because nothing has developed yet...


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