# This is where I am now!



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I left my husband, months back, I have been back home for a couple of months now. 

I sometimes wish that I would have stayed gone and not moved back home. Things have not really changed it is pretty much the same old song and dance as it was before.

I feel that everything he said while i was no longer living under the same roof was a ruse just to get me to come back home. We have stopped going to counselling because we cant afford it! Which is true, not that it really helped much anyway. OR It didn't help me much.

The sex situation is just bad. It doesn't ever happen unless it is on HIS terms, and his terms only. I want to pull my hair out, most of the time. It is usually in the afternoons when my hubsnad wakes up. Our son is up at time time and in the living room watching cartoons. It is like this all the time and I get absolutely nothing out of it. He does it when he knows we don't have any time, because our son could walk in at any minute (he never has walked it) But i don't feel comfortable doing it while our son is awake)

I am so emotionally detached from all the past BS and the now BS. I don't know how i feel or what I want anymore. I sure as hell don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I am getting depressed again and getting to the point that i just cant freaking deal with it anymore or give a rats ass!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Does he reject you if you initiate at other times? Does he work night shift or something?


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

ladybird said:


> I left my husband, months back, I have been back home for a couple of months now.
> 
> I sometimes wish that I would have stayed gone and not moved back home. Things have not really changed it is pretty much the same old song and dance as it was before.
> 
> ...


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

That sounds like a difficult situation to be in and I am really sorry you find yourself in it.

What if he was very much in tune with what you needed sexually? That he didn't rush and you were together at different times of the day or night? That he put you on a pedestal and wanted to work with you rather than only on his terms? Would you feel differently about him and the past? I think I would ask myself these questions. Resentment is a b*itch to get through.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Does he reject you if you initiate at other times? Does he work night shift or something?


99.9% of the time he does, yes. He works 2nd shift (swing)


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

discouraged1 said:


> ladybird said:
> 
> 
> > I left my husband, months back, I have been back home for a couple of months now.
> ...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So why did you come back?

C


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

PBear said:


> So why did you come back?
> 
> C


 That is a great question and all i can really say is - I thought things would be Much different.. Wishful thinking I suppose.


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

So leave again, sounds like you know already this is what you need to do.


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## Lifeisnotsogood2 (Sep 1, 2012)

Have you talked to him? I mean really talked to him. Sit him down and say something like this:

Honey, 

Before I moved back home, you promised to make some changes. Those changes included, Porn, sex, and helping around the house. So far I have only seen an improvement in the porn section. I am still unhappy with our sex life and your assistance at home.

I don't like having sex during the day. It makes me feel hurried and I cannot enjoy you. I want to feel the passion and I just can't relax enough to have an "O" during the day. I don't mind continuing to do it for you during the day, but I would like to also enjoy you after our son goes to sleep, so I can get something out of it too.

Also, you said you were going to start helping out around the house and helping me with the children. I haven't seen that yet.

I am worried that we are right back to the same spot we were several months ago where I could no longer take it and left. I am telling you this because I am growing increasingly frustrated and began questioning myself for coming back. 

I love you and I want to make this work.


This type of talk is non-confrontational and to the point. He will see that you mean business and has the option to change. By continuing to have sex with him during the day, you are meeting his needs. Asking him to take care of you in the evening, will meet yours. Also, you are only reminding him of the promises he made.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

ladybird said:


> That is a great question and all i can really say is - I thought things would be Much different.. Wishful thinking I suppose.


I'm sorry to hear that. I'm especially sorry for your child, and I'm not saying that in a judgemental way on you. I realize that sometimes things don't work out as we plan.

If I was in your support group, I'd tell you to leave. And stay "left" for an extended period of time. Sign a lease that makes sure you're out for an extended period of time. If you want to try to work things out with your husband, then "date" him again. Let him show you that things have changed by his actions over an extended period of time, not just words. "Fool me once; shame on you! Fool me twice; shame on me!"

Good luck, Ladybird!

C


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

ladybird said:


> 99.9% of the time he does, yes. He works 2nd shift (swing)


Sooo, why are you still with him?:scratchhead:


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Anomnom said:


> So leave again, sounds like you know already this is what you need to do.


 That is the thing I can't. I don't have any money. I am a stay at home mom who can't find a job to save my life. 

I can't stay with my mom again, because her and her husband both lost their jobs.

I can't stay with my aunt and uncle they already have way to many people living with them already.

So right now I am kind of stuck. I am still looking for a job and have been since the beginning of the year. I do sell on line, but that hasn't really taken off as of yet, not enough to support my self and my son.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

PBear said:


> I'm sorry to hear that. I'm especially sorry for your child, and I'm not saying that in a judgemental way on you. I realize that sometimes things don't work out as we plan.
> 
> If I was in your support group, I'd tell you to leave. And stay "left" for an extended period of time. Sign a lease that makes sure you're out for an extended period of time. If you want to try to work things out with your husband, then "date" him again. Let him show you that things have changed by his actions over an extended period of time, not just words. "Fool me once; shame on you! Fool me twice; shame on me!"
> 
> ...


 I am going to do just that as soon as i can get some type of stable income. I won't come back again, i already know how it will work out and I don't want to keep doing that to myself or my son!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Lifeisnotsogood2 said:


> Have you talked to him? I mean really talked to him. Sit him down and say something like this:
> 
> Honey,
> 
> ...



Yes, this is exactly what he needs to hear and i am going to talk to him in this manner. I am going to print this out so i can memorize it. THANK YOU!


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