# Looking for closure? Look no more.



## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I cut and pasted this from henothappy's post. I found a lot of merit in it and I hope it helps someone else. I'm 5.5 months post separation, going through the divorce process now. My H isn't going to come out and tell me the truth. I can't wait on that for closure. So I've decided I don't need closure!

_Closure is a HUGE issue. We all want something to end “completely.” We all want answers, to understand.

We often hang around in a relationship, doing damage to ourselves, because we’re looking for that moment when it “all gets clear.” When we finally say what we mean and what we feel and finally feel HEARD by him/her. When we feel a chapter has closed.

Only, it hardly ever happens that way. We can end up spending so much of our lives waiting for, looking for, praying for, listening for, asking for, demanding, envisioning, thinking about, writing about…Closure…that never happens.

And – here’s the question to ask – Is Closure necessary? Is it really all that important? NO. We most often will never get “closure,” and perhaps that’s a VERY GOOD THING.

Perhaps that’s the way we learn to be softer, more fluid and flexible. To roll with the “punches” …and to “Be Surprised.”

Perhaps this is where we finally learn to give up control.

You do NOT need someone to work out your anger with. You can do it by yourself, on your own, talking to the mirror, journaling, drawing, jumping up and down and shouting. Anger is energy – and energy is TRANSFORMABLE. Anger is a vigorous response to a more helpless feeling like disappointment and fear. The answer is to sink down into the fear and sadness and grief, and USE the energy of the Anger to move you forward.

Every single moment of life you are being Triggered. Use those moments to heal. Don’t look for specific people to help unburden you. Work it out where you are in this moment.

So – there we are. Don’t NEED to close anything. Leave all doors be, let air move through, around, against, up and down all the open and half-closed and slightly ajar and slammed shut doors of our lives, until the doors finally disappear on their own, from misuse. Let the cobwebs gather around the old patterns, let the old pain drift away, let things crumble as they will.

No closure – just movement. Moving forward, onward to Happily Ever After.

And this is what I am going to continue to do...._


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