# Bipolar disorder



## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Anyone here have a spouse or even a family member with bipolar disorder? If so, how do you deal with it yourself? How do you deal with things if your spouse or loved one's moods start to get out of hand? I'm sure its best to not take it personally, but sometimes thats hard to do. 

Thoughts?


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## airplane (Mar 15, 2011)

Bipolar I or II or the lesser form Cyclothymia. Most of the people whom are bipolar also have other issues; like me, BPD too. 

Medication helps a great deal, it allows for the emotions/mania to not be so intense and happen as long in time and as often.

Be advised that finding a Medication which works and finding that sweet spot could take awhile.

I've tried 4 different anti depression meds, all of which killed my sex drive and prevent me from being able to climax.

Currently am on 300 mg Wellbutrin, 30 mg of Remeron & am working on getting up to the sweet spot on Lamictal - currently at 100 mg

Don't give up on your crazy spouse, help them to get the right help with therapy and medications.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Thank you for your reply! My husband hasn't been diagnosed with that, but he told me the other day he often wondered if he was. 

I would have to say if he was, he might be more along the lines of the Cyclothymia. He is also a recovering alcoholic. I do know SOMETIMES substance abuse and things like bipolar disorders can go hand in hand. Not that ALL people who have drug or alcohol issues have some mental issue but just meaning it could. 

I have mentioned to him if he feels he is, he might want to talk to a counselor about it. I do know he suffers from some depression. His mother and both of his siblings also suffer from depression. So, I would think he might as well. 

I'm just not sure how to handle it when he gets in these moods. It hurts my feelings when he does and says some of the things he does. He is blamer, he comes from a family of blamers. And even though i know where some of his behavior(s) stem from, it can be hard to deal with at times.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I've actually been discussing this with a couple of folks in another thread in the "Considering Divorce and Separation section:

Bipolar Wife

I won't go through it all again, but I have Bipolar II and have been hopefully providing a little insight to the people over there. Or at least some information and (strong) opinions, lol.

You can check that out for the whole thing, but some of the high points are:

1. With bipolar disorder, neither therapy or medication alone is enough to manage the disease. One has to consistently follow their medication regimen and use that along with therapy when needed, especially early on, I believe. Bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance in the same way that diabetes or thyroid disorders are and requires the same consistent treatment.

2. Bipolar disorder is not an excuse for bad behavior. Whether they choose to get or comply with treatment, you have every right to set boundaries and make them accountable for their behavior. It can be hard, I know, but you have every right to choose how people treat you--even when you're married to them.

It probably sounds like I'm a terrible mean harda$$, and frankly...I am. I probably expect twice as much of myself than others do, but I feel very strongly that in all but the very worst cases, our diseases (whatever they may be) do not define us. For some reason, this is one of the few conditions that people take on as a personal quality. You would never say, "I AM cancer" or "I AM MS" and yet people say all the time that they "ARE bipolar". Makes me nuts....(ha ha...get it?? Nuts?? :rofl Yes, it's harder to control ourselves sometimes, but for the vast majority of people, the means to do it are there, you just have to do the work. And until he does that, your best, and really only choice is to set the boundaries to take care of yourself.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

So what happens when someone will not get help or get on meds for it?

Is this something they can control? Maybe it depends on what form they have? I read the other day something about this very thing and how sometimes your negative thought patterns is what can trigger these episodes, thats more of the depression part though I would assume.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Jamison said:


> So what happens when someone will not get help or get on meds for it?
> 
> Is this something they can control? Maybe it depends on what form they have? I read the other day something about this very thing and how sometimes your negative thought patterns is what can trigger these episodes, thats more of the depression part though I would assume.


Medically? The literature strongly indicates that in the case of bipolar disorder, people generally begin to cycle more frequently and more "severely" as they age if they are untreated, or sporadically treated. That is, they have higher highs and lower lows as time goes on. 

I personally don't believe this is something that can be controlled through will alone. I can tell you about my own experience with that. I knew for probably 5 years before I was diagnosed and went on meds that I had bipolar disorder. I have bipolar II, which is non-psychotic and I tend to cycle quickly and have more low-level periods of mania than a lot of depression. However, even knowing deep down what was going on, I was absolutely determined NOT to have this. I have a couple of cousins that have much more severe cases and I was NOT going to be like them, you know? So I did everything I could think of to control myself. Did whatever I had to in order to try and sleep for at least 6 hours a night, crazy-regimented diet to eliminate anything that could be the least bit stimulating, supplements like you couldn't believe. I have journals filled with information about anything I could think of that could affect my mood and any ideas I had to "fix" it--weather reports, exercise, meditation, diet, stress.... anything. In the end, none of it worked and I couldn't really deny what was going on anymore and had to get some help.

I wouldn't say that negative thoughts trigger an episode, necessarily. I would say that for myself, I think it can be a chicken/egg kind of thing. I mean we all have negative thoughts, right? Cruddy day, job you didn't get, find out you wore two different shoes (yep, I did that, not too long ago actually trying not to wake up hubby turning on the closet light!)...whatever. I don't think you can really stop those, no matter who you are. 

I think that if you're cycling downward, or about to it can be harder to let go of those though and they "spin" in your head more than they might in other people. So where you might have a bad day at work, go to bed and tomorrow is a new day, for someone who's cycling into depression, there can just be no good about any of it for days and days until the cloud lifts. Or on the other side of the coin, it's easy for me sometimes to get kind of worn down by a bad week and slip into a funk I kind of have to work to get out of. 

So from my point of view, it can go either way, but not in any kind of sense that you can really control, if that's what you were wondering. If you were reading some kind of Eckhart Tolle-type self-help book, I think that ideas like that are just pretty much blowing sunshine and making money off you. I bought them all  I do think though, that if you're generally an unpleasant and bitter person, you're going to have it a lot worse, or at least a lot harder than you might otherwise. 

Therapy and being aware of how we react to the world around us plays a huge role in staying healthy, I firmly believe that. But in the end, it's been proven time and time again that bipolar disorder is the result of a chemical deficiency affecting the ability of the brain to correctly send and receive the electrical impulses between neurons. And that just like a pancreas that doesn't produce insulin, that chemical deficiency has to be fixed before you can work on the rest....


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Thanks for sharing that it was really helpful! 

The book I read was all about the mind and thought patterns. I think it was more geared towards people with depression, and how if a negative thought creeps up in their mind or something triggers a thought that bothers them, that if the negative thought is what got them in the depressed state to begin with, then maybe changing the thought pattern around to more positive thinking it can bring them out of the depressed mood. Therefore that was what I was wondering about as far as a person being able to control their thinking and thought patterns, or not.

However, I guess it depends on how deep the depression may be too. I wasn't sure if it worked like that for bipolar as well. I had a friend of mine in college who was like that. He would be ok then all of a sudden start sulking, and get all down out about stuff. It could be anything from the past to the present to the future. He would mope and sulk and go into a depression for maybe two or three days, not really talk to anyone, then all of a sudden, wake up after sulking for two or three days and be fine.:scratchhead: So that's why I assumed, maybe he pulled himself out of that state, with changing his thought process. I guess its like cognitive behavior therapy. I think they suggest that for alot of people with certain mental illness.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

CBT can be useful in a lot of ways. It can make you more aware of the thought patterns that you have, for example. It has helped me to kind of find ways to kick me out of "hamster circles" and to identify differences between thinking in circles (my boss is mean, work sucks, therefore I have no worth, I suck) and real depression (ergh...it's hard to move enough to work and now I'm behind and that sucks). However, in my experience, once I get out of my own way and stop going in circles, depression lasts as long as it lasts and then I feel better. Sometimes like a light switch, other times more gradual, but still, the over arching depression for me is definitely on it's own schedule.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Thanks so much of the replies. Very helpful info COGypsy, I appreciate it. I think one reason he is afraid to go to the doctor to see if infact its what he has, they might want to put him on meds and he thinks the meds will work against him, and he will be suicidal from the meds. I think he feels this way because he had two people he knew, one was a coworker, who was on meds for bipolar and they both killed themselves.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

AgentD said:


> Thanks so much of the replies. Very helpful info COGypsy, I appreciate it. I think one reason he is afraid to go to the doctor to see if infact its what he has, they might want to put him on meds and he thinks the meds will work against him, and he will be suicidal from the meds. I think he feels this way because he had two people he knew, one was a coworker, who was on meds for bipolar and they both killed themselves.


Frankly, in the end you can't manage this without them. An excellent look at that is _Touched by Fire_ by Kay Redfield Jamison. It's a historical study of all kinds of artists and historical figures that could reasonably have been diagnosed with bipolar or something similar by modern standards. The drama and outcomes in their lives is amazing. Her other book, _An Unquiet Mind_ is also really amazing. It's about her journey through diagnosis and treatment. She's a psychologist at Johns Hopkins who has bipolar disorder and has been really open about her disease, treatment, thought processes, etc.

I of course don't have any idea what could have been going on with your husband's friends, and it's a terrible coincidence. However, things like that are why I can't stress enough how important it is to find a good psychiatrist (or similar mental health specialist) to work with. Someone who can cut through the BS and help find the right combo of meds for the individual. Someone who is really familiar with the interactions and side effects and can manage those appropriately. Someone who stays on top of the research to be able to do both of those other things. This isn't something that can be treated by a family doctor and sometimes if the wrong type of meds are given, it can really have unfortunate outcomes. And realistically, this disease claims a lot of people whether they're on meds or not. Suicide rates are incredibly high in this population, along with accidental death rates, so their deaths could have had nothing at all to do with their meds. It's hard to say. 

But *with* meds you have a chance at a life that's not as miserable, not as unpredictable, with better relationships and just greater success overall--to me it's worth all of the different risks involved.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

My wife is also bipolar, with a side diagnosis of generalized anxiety and ADD. Over our years together, the cycles do seem to become more severe. There have been times that she's hit a proverbial wall with her doctors and switched, with the new doctor and treatment seeming to have an effect, then hitting the wall again. In the interim, she'll often go relatively extended periods between doctors. Most recently, she hit that wall with her doctor, who didn't do much in the way of talk therapy and didn't believe in following the standard approach to ADD of prescribing stimulants.

With 20/20 hindsight, (not making excuses, just observations), I think that she was ultimately "self medicating" with her EA's and, ultimately, PA. With alcoholism on both sides of her family, and a conscious effort not to give in to THAT temptation, her "drug" of choice to battle the lows was the "high" of the fantasy relationships. In looking back, the EA's flared up when she was improperly medicated or not medicated at all.

Right now, she's in a down cycle, following our first (and long overdue) MC session and finally getting her to see those EA's AS EA's and break off the last remaining one. The down cycle, though, doesn't seem to be from the "grieving" for that lost relationship, but her impending 35th birthday. Just last night, she was at a low and saying that she thought she'd be "doing something with her life" by the time she was 35, and doesn't feel she is. She just saw a new doctor for the first time late last week, and is starting a new med regimen after being off for a couple of months.

It can be tough to deal with on its own, let alone with our other issues thrown into the mix. But, I think she and we are worth it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Look for a book - and a website with a board like this one - called Depression Fallout. Its focused on how the depression affects the Significant Other.


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