# Trusting your Wife



## Flexible323 (Jan 30, 2013)

I am having a hard time trusting my wife. This trust issue all started back 3 years ago at her first new job. I found out several things she was doing behind my back. She started to avoid my calls during lunch she had several male co-workers call her and text her. Now its starting to happen again with a new job she got 1 year ago. She left the other job because of what she did and to try to save the marriage but now starting all over again?

Finding out little lies and big lies about who she goes out to lunch with most of the time not picking up my calls at lunch and then calls back after. She admited to me that she has a close guy friend but he is like her little brother very cool


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## yellowledbet (Sep 5, 2012)

There is no point in trusting your wife if she is not trustworthy. You established in your post she has lied in the past and is exhibiting the same behavior. I don't buy for a second that this guy is like her little brother.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Given that she is inviting all sorts of other men into her life and your marriage, I can see why you have a hard time trusting her.

Have you confronted her with your feelings on the matter?


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## Flexible323 (Jan 30, 2013)

Everyone needs to understand that we must forgive and move forward. Thats what i tried doing when she left her old job for the same reasons because she new she was at fault. So with this new job she introduced me to some of her male and female co-workers back in 2011. Which was a good idea but then i noticed 2 male co-workers that spoke to her differently than the others. The one that she said he is like her little brother was very friendly with me and tried to hang with me at times which i did not think nothing of it the other guy just keep looking at her. So come to pass i found out that she gave the other guy her personal number for work related issues like she said but the other one i have not seen his number pop up on her phone.


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## Flexible323 (Jan 30, 2013)

I confronted her several occasions about why did she not pick up her phone during lunch hour. Her response on several occasions i did not hear the phone it was on vibrate left it in at my desk. Then i seen call logs from her co-workers and i confronted her on why he is calling so late after work and why did she give her number to him. She had no answer but just i dont know why i did


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## Flexible323 (Jan 30, 2013)

But now its worst. She is getting home late some days and other ontime. Even goign into work late some days and other ontime. Sometimes she take about 1 hour to get home and other 40 minutes and her response to it is traffic. Then when i try to call her sometimes she does not pick up at all and sometimes the phone just rings and rings and finally she answers other times the phone rings 1-2 times and she answer. I seen that she has taken pictures of herself driving home but the picture comes out just right like if someone took it for her and then deletes it how i know this is because i did a photo recovery and found several that she takes and deletes


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Flexible323 said:


> Everyone needs to understand that we must forgive and move forward.


This is called rugsweeping, and basically allows the WS to continue cheating. Look up 'emotional affair'. Read this book

Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"

Your wife experienced no consequences for her previous behaviour, so why would she stop? Now she is doing it again.

If you are looking for advice on how to stop her from cheating, you're in the right place. If you're looking for advice on how to make yourself pretend nothing's happening, you're not.


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

She needs some new rules. NO MALE FRIENDS. At work, either she needs to make friends that are females or she needs to eat alone. She should not be trusted. Maybe she needs to find a new line of work.

YOU need to quit trusting her. She is not trustworthy. Sure you forgive and forget. But now don't be stupid. Years ago Reagan said: Trust but verify. Your wife knows how to play you. I think you are a little bit slow catching on to some things that shold be a good bit more obvious.


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## Flexible323 (Jan 30, 2013)

Thats what i need advise. But i already whats going on because i keep catching her in lies. The problem with her is when i catch her she tries to cover it with another lie.

So what i started doing is recording when i confront her on what she did or doing and she confesses that she made a mistake and that she is not cheating but actions speak other wise. You see her whole family and friends think i am the ******* for making my mistakes in the past but i changed and i proved my self to her and her family and friends but they dont know what she has done to this family up to this point and i want them to know the truth about her.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Plant a VAR (voice activated recorder) under her car seat with some velcrow tape.
You will get the information you need to have an effective confrontation.
never reveal your souces and when confronting just tell her you hired a PI. She won't know the difference.



She has the capacity to be decietful so put nothing past her. You have been dwon this road before. Trust your guy, gather the proof and confront, then it will be her call to learn the tools to affair proof her marriage from now on....and I ain't taking about sweeping this under the rug by getting *another* new job....I'm talken bout addressing her need for validation from other men, her lack of broundries issues' and any other mental problem she may have in why she can't have an honest commited relationship.

Again gather, confront, expose, and address her issues as an idividual.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If she cared about your feels she wouldn't be doing this you can talk to her to your blue in the face. You will get the same bull crap she's been feeding you.

You have to get the proof that she is infact behaving wrong and *now* needs to be addressed.

This is her 2nd strick, she only has one more before she is out. Enls she went physical and then that would be a deal break for most guys.


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## Flexible323 (Jan 30, 2013)

I am not slow actually very quick. I installed an applications on her phone called Spybubble that tracks her text messages call photos and URLS sites including phone book. Thats how i found out 3 years ago about what was going on at her old job. Even till this day i have it installed on her new phone. So when i see unusuall text messages or photos that i find but she deleted from her phone i start confronting her but using different tactics like can i see the picture we took last week or i ask if i can see her messages.

Here is the thing what i am trying to do right now is catch her red handed in the act on WTF she is actually doing at work. I even made some of her co-workers female friends on Facebook to see other posting of her male co-workers to try to see if i can get info. Which i did the photo she deleted was taken on the 18 of this month and a guy that she works with was located in Fontain Valley which is on her way home around the same time she goes home?????


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Gather evidence and tell her family. Do the VAR, keylogger, phone spyware, PI, whatever it takes. Deal in facts, and DO NOT say anything more to her about it until you have your proof.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Most likely you will get labeled controlling , insecure, and the ol' "you dont' trust me".

Gathering proof will take all those cards away, and your chick will be left with one thing and thats the admitting what you already know.


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## Flexible323 (Jan 30, 2013)

Were can i get this VAR??? I was thinking on that too. I need to stick something in her car and purse that she will not notice and can get recordings. I was thinking more like a Pen with voice and video but not sure if it will work to my favor


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## Flexible323 (Jan 30, 2013)

Already being labeled as insecure and the other crap you mentioned by her friends and maybe even co-workers. I hate that crap because no one knows the truth about what is really going on with her


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The smoking gun is in the VAR planted in the car...its her safe place.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Flexible323 said:


> Already being labeled as insecure and the other crap you mentioned by her friends and maybe even co-workers. I hate that crap because no one knows the truth about what is really going on with her


They know the truth, they just don't want to lose there wing man. They don't want to lose their fun girl. 

Most likely she is the hotest girl in the office so no one wants to lose that. She has some toxic friends at work they shouldn't be trusted.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Can you afford a PI?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Google pen cam and VAR.

try radioshack or best buy

officedepot should have a recorder


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

Flexible323 said:


> I confronted her several occasions about why did she not pick up her phone during lunch hour. Her response on several occasions i did not hear the phone it was on vibrate left it in at my desk. Then i seen call logs from her co-workers and i confronted her on why he is calling so late after work and why did she give her number to him. She had no answer but just i dont know why i did


This would not work for me. There should not be constant calling going on after work, unless there are specific work based reasons - which I doubt.

In your situation, I would give her an ultimatum, based along the fact that you have been down this path before, you see it heading the same way, and so it's up to her to quit the texting/calling. Seriously. If job after job, she exhibits the same behavior, then she can't control herself. So, time to grow up and put on the big girl panties and tell these guys NO.

Edited to add: what is all the spying about? If you have decided to divorce her and just want evidence, then go for it. IMO, right now, you have sufficient reason to tell her to stop the behavior that is bothering you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

My thinking the evidence gather gives the betrayed the confirmation to take the next step. It clears up how sever the consequences that need to be in place. It remove doubt.

maybe they are just "brother and sister" but maybe they aren't

would I divorce my wife over a male friend ship?

would I divorce my wife if she was having sex in her car during lunch?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Another kind of thinking is the smoking gun brings this to reality for the betrayal...its no longer a fantasy, its now real and the confidence one has when confronting is more effective then when there is doubt.

Waywards can sense doubt in there betrayed spouse, they feeed off it to continue the affair.


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## Flexible323 (Jan 30, 2013)

Especially when she said he is like my little brother cool to hang around with and would never see him like that but yet he spends his time in her office I seen her emails from work and hardly any of him. Trying to figure out how they are doing it. One clue is a female co worker texted her last time when I caught her adjusting my seat and dressing boots hidden in the back of my car
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dressing boots(phuck me boots) in the car!

I'm telling you plant the recorder in the car!!!!!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Wait dressing boot in the back of your car or her car?


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

Man you sound like you are putting an incredible amount of effort into catching her doing something. It sounds like it's controlling your life.

It sounds just plain miserable. A never ending game of cat and mouse that makes your marriage an adverserial (sp??) relationship. You guys are playing against each other, you are not on the same team!

Is THIS really how you want to live your life?? 

As for her behavior, instead of trying to catch what she's doing now, maybe you should ask her what she's doing different now than she was doing before. 

What sort of safegaurds are in place for her to avoid the same f-ups? How is she handling things differently? In essence, why should you no longer have to worry about her behavior???

If she can't give you an answer that satisfies your need to constantly monitor and manipulate her, than either you work TOGETHER with her to put something in place that allows you to live a normal, sane, healthy life, or you move on.

Are you really ready to move on???


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

He isn't ready to leave. 

He wants to escape with vindication...and that is a rare beast to find.

Stop calling her. Try the 180.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Flexible, was this an arranged marriage?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

youkiddingme said:


> She needs some new rules. NO MALE FRIENDS. At work, either she needs to make friends that are females or she needs to eat alone. She should not be trusted. Maybe she needs to find a new line of work.
> 
> YOU need to quit trusting her. She is not trustworthy. Sure you forgive and forget. But now don't be stupid. Years ago Reagan said: Trust but verify. Your wife knows how to play you. I think you are a little bit slow catching on to some things that shold be a good bit more obvious.


After the last time you would have been well served to do His Needs Her Needs together and set better boundaries with the opposite sex.

She seems to have poor boundaries and likes to at least cake eat. 

I have no idea if what she is doing has any serious issues as yet but basically she got away with thing sbefore and just flat likes other men in her life to some extent.

This stuff whether it escalates to PIV cheating or not destroys marriages. She likes pushing the boundaries. Some people will push whatever boundary there is. 

I could not put up with this.

Good luck.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Flexible323 said:


> Thats what i need advise. But i already whats going on because i keep catching her in lies. The problem with her is when i catch her she tries to cover it with another lie.
> 
> So what i started doing is recording when i confront her on what she did or doing and she confesses that *she made a mistake and that she is not cheating* but actions speak other wise. You see her whole family and friends think i am the ******* for making my mistakes in the past but i changed and i proved my self to her and her family and friends but they dont know what she has done to this family up to this point and i want them to know the truth about her.


Inappropriate Behavior --> Unfaithfulness --> Cheating

Lying is unfaithful.

What is cheating? PIV sex? It can be vague.

My boundary is unfaithfulness. I do not accept inappropriate behavior but when confronted inappropriate behavior becomes unfaithfuness by definition.

So tell her she may not be "cheating" but her lying and actions are unfaithful and that is unacceptable to you.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

janefw said:


> This would not work for me. There should not be constant calling going on after work, unless there are specific work based reasons - which I doubt.
> 
> In your situation, I would give her an ultimatum, based along the fact that you have been down this path before, you see it heading the same way, and so it's up to her to quit the texting/calling. Seriously. If job after job, she exhibits the same behavior, then she can't control herself. So, time to grow up and put on the big girl panties and tell these guys NO.
> 
> Edited to add: what is all the spying about? If you have decided to divorce her and just want evidence, then go for it. IMO, right now, you have sufficient reason to tell her to stop the behavior that is bothering you.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

This is how I feel. If I have to do this level of snooping I am done.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Phew,,,,,,,,Honestly when I first read this post i sad "What the [email protected]#k Guy". You know what she has done in the past and then you see her repeating her actions all over again. A New friend that's "like a brother"? I guess she changed the phrase from the good old "Just a Friend" answer to throw you off, and it worked. Then you see this guy staring at your wife and nothing about this alarmed you? 

You already know whats going on but afraid to see the obvious. REMEMBER WHY SHE HAS A NEW JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE. If she cant understand and respect your concerns, then she still hasn't learned her lesson from the last time she cheated. 
Whats going to happen now? Quit her new job and find another one, Then meet somebody there and ...............all over again. Is this your first and only relationship?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Flexible323 said:


> Especially when she said he is like my little brother cool to hang around with and would never see him like that but yet he spends his time in her office I seen her emails from work and hardly any of him. Trying to figure out how they are doing it. One clue is a female co worker texted her last time when I caught her adjusting my seat and dressing boots hidden in the back of my car
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Give us some background. How long have you been married? How long did you date before that? Kids? How are finances? Do you both have family close by?


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## Flexible323 (Jan 30, 2013)

Well yesterday was the last draw. Since Thursday she did the most ****ed it thing to even make this marriage drop to the ground. She told me via email that her phone is not charging and it has turned off on her and thats when she left work but when she got home it was working fine. The samething happen Friday it was working all day until the point she left work and when she got home i noticed the passenger windows down and the seat adjusted and she got home late she said because of traffic 3 days in a row and 2 days her phone was off because it was dead but yet she had a car charger in the car.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

Flexible323 said:


> Well yesterday was the last draw. Since Thursday she did the most ****ed it thing to even make this marriage drop to the ground. She told me via email that her phone is not charging and it has turned off on her and thats when she left work but when she got home it was working fine. The samething happen Friday it was working all day until the point she left work and when she got home i noticed the passenger windows down and the seat adjusted and she got home late she said because of traffic 3 days in a row and 2 days her phone was off because it was dead but yet she had a car charger in the car.


Man I'm just going the wave the affair card. All of this...is bad IMO. And I don't think you have even scratched the surface of her lies.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Flexible323 said:


> I am having a hard time trusting my wife. This trust issue all started back 3 years ago at her first new job. I found out several things she was doing behind my back. She started to avoid my calls during lunch she had several male co-workers call her and text her. Now its starting to happen again with a new job she got 1 year ago. She left the other job because of what she did and to try to save the marriage but now starting all over again?
> 
> Finding out little lies and big lies about who she goes out to lunch with most of the time not picking up my calls at lunch and then calls back after. She admited to me that she has a close guy friend but he is like her little brother very cool


Unless you suffer from delusional paranoia, which I doubt based on your post; Earning your trust is your wife's responsibility, and it looks like she has proven that she simply can't be trusted.

Me, I suffer from delusional paranoia at times, but my wife still managed to earn my trust. Took a while sure, but she's consistent. Still is, she's just 'that type'. Trust is not something you can just force yourself to do. Now when someone asks "Trust me"; Giving someone a chance to earn your trust is one thing, that isn't considered trusting them but is still giving them the opportunity. That's different, real trust is earnt, period, no exceptions.

And it's not about who you trust, it's WHAT you trust them to do.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

I feel nauseous just reading this thread. The sick knot in the stomach, the inability to function, the destruction of your world, the way every single detail points one way, and one way only, yet.the person you love most of all looks you dead in the eyes and lies. OP is right in The middle of the Hell. please op, get a private investigator to follow her from work. My friend did, and that's how he caught his wife debbie cheating on him with her assistant manager. Strike to the heart of your uncertainty, VAR in her car, GPS tracker, PI. The cost is worth it, for the relief of knowing, beyond all doubt, the professionally documented truth. She is cheating, take these steps, end your torment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So what are you going to do??


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## Flexible323 (Jan 30, 2013)

Hello,
This is the "untrustworthy wife". I work in the food manufacturing business, and unfortunately there are more males than females. I have to interact with them like it or not. I am not always available to take calls due to meetings, issues on the production floor, or work in general. My husband "Flexible323" is insecure and has a guilty conscious because of things he's done in the past. He has send emails to my sister, with a fake email and name, trying to F**K her, and telling her that he will make her feel like a real woman, until she discovered who it was emailing her, and she told me everything. Remember that old saying, the one accuser is the one that is guilty. I've also found a girls number 2 months after I had given birth to our son. I called the girl, and she confess that he was trying to get her to a motel, and other things. So im sorry you guys have been lied, but I am not the bad person here, my husband Flexible323 is.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

deleted.....

weird, you sound more paranoid than your husband then. I noticed you didn't deny anything either. just project the blame.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

I didn't remember reading about kids. So why are you two still together?


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