# Mediation or Divorce Lawyer?



## cdm9999 (May 20, 2012)

Hi....

My WH, who is having an EA/PA with his teenage love, wants to be with her but only wants to have a separation from me to see if it works out with her before we go for divorce. I told him I couldn't do that and it is her or me and if he chose her, I would file for divorce. He is "demanding" that we go to a mediator instead to save money, but I am under the impression that this wouldnt be in my best interest. Yes, he gets mad at me for not wanting the mediator. I don't want to take him to the cleaners, but I want to get what I am entitled to to protect myself and the kids. He would be paying out quite a bit between child support and spousel support because he makes good money, but my home bills/mortgage are super high...also, he gets a good pension when he retires, which i know I will be entitled to....(I have been married 21+ years, stopped working 18 years ago to raise 4 kids, so I lost a lot of my earning potential). I didn't want this break up. 

So, should I concider the mediator or is it best to get my own divorce lawyer? thanks


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

i'm a bit of a softie. and even i say go Lawyer in your case!



> only wants to have a separation from me to see if it works out with her


^ that is a new low.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Wow,
Kind of ballsy of him to say to your face that he considers you his backup plan. Yikes. I understand exactly what you are going through.
Go see an attorney for a consultation to help determine exactly what you are entitled to. Talk to the attorney about mediation, because the ability to get a good result varies wildly. The reason depends completely on the local bar. Some mediators are great, others just sit there and write down what you tell them. A mediator can NOT give you legal advice, hence the need for an independent consultation. Some areas offer collaberative divorce, where both sides have an attorney, but they don't go to court. This works if both sides are pretty much already in agreement. If there is going to be fighting over assets-neither mediation or collaberative divorce will work well. And if you have been a stay at home spouse for 20 + years, ask for him to pay the attorneys fees. You still pay a retainer for the initial consultation. 
I'm sorry you're here, and I wish you the best of luck.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

He can "demand" all he wants. You can "do" whatever you want. I say definitely get a lawyers, even if it's just for advice on the mediation.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Mine doesn't want mediation but on several occasions said she wants lawyers and court... then last week changed her mind and would prefer to do it outside of court. As long as we agree on things... her words, not mine.

Do what you have to, it's what I'm slowly learning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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