# Guy feelings



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

What are guy feelings towards a relationship? I'd really like to believe that men develop feelings towards the woman they are with just the same as the woman does for the man, but because I have never had a guy have true, genuine feelings for me, I'm a bit skeptical that men have these feelings. My ex husband never had true feelings for me because of his narcissism. I am now seeing a new guy, it's been about a month now but he's never once referred to me as his girlfriend. He's called me "the girl he's dating" but I've not earned title of girlfriend yet. So, at what point do men develop feelings for a girl? I mean real, genuine feelings. How do I even know if he has feelings for me? 
I want to know if men feel that butterfly in the stomach feeling when they think about her, do men find her on their mind every moment of every day? Do men feel happy when she calls or texts or just smiles at you on FB? Do men wonder what she's doing when they're not together? Do men talk about her to their friends? 
Do guys really have true, genuine feelings towards a girl, or is it all some sort of sick act?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

In the month you've been together, what have the two of you been doing for you to consider it a committed relationship? (no gory details please)


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> In the month you've been together, what have the two of you been doing for you to consider it a committed relationship? (no gory details please)


ha ha, no gory details, Mori  I don't at this point consider it a committed relationship. I simply want to know what a male POV is. When and how does a man develop feelings for a woman? What does a man typically do when he does have feelings towards a woman?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I cannot speak for other men only myself. In my case I think it was when the women I was dating (my first wife (deceased RIP), my ex-wife and my GF) expressed kindness and empathy towards others which showed me that their beauty was more than skin deep. Their goodness brought forth in me an extreme desire to protect them which later became love. At that point I had to express to them - via a gentle kiss or a gentle caress to the face - my feelings for them. I'm not a very talkative man - as the women I loved could attest - but I do show interest in listening to what they have to say, no matter what I'm doing at the time. Do I make any sense?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

I have dated two men who never got far past liking a lot. That's not a great L word. I've had men like me way more than I have liked them, and they used the real L word. My ex-h loved me in a warm fuzzy way. My h was over the moon for me, probably too soon. It is scary when someone moves too fast in that direction. Makes me just as concerned as the like guys but in a different direction.

My h and I still get butterflies. He loves me and shows me he means it. So yes, I am sure men get those feelings. But a month isn't much time in. I know you want confirmation of your desirability because of your ******* ex. But enjoy this ride. You have 50% of the power in this relationship. That in itself has to feel good.

Darn near every man at one time or another has had his heart ripped out of his chest. Being cautious is a good thing.

My h is I don't know what. Too soon to declare me this gf, too soon to say IILY. Luckily, it seems to have stuck. But that doesn't mean he has been a dream. I have wondered if I am so special how could he behave in ways that contradicts those words and feelings. I am training him how to treat me. He has figured out a lot about what not to do. There's so much more than those butterflies to look for.

Feelings come and go and hopefully come back again. But being a good mate and a good person is something that shouldn't fluctuate... much. 

Enjoy your freedom. You are at a spectacular age. Don't make the mistake of grabbing on to the first guy. See what's out there. And if you aren't this gf you are free to see others. And that's a great freedom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> I cannot speak for other men only myself. In my case I think it was when the women I was dating (my first wife (deceased RIP), my ex-wife and my GF) expressed kindness and empathy towards others which showed me that their beauty was more than skin deep. Their goodness brought forth in me an extreme desire to protect them which later became love. At that point I had to express to them - via a gentle kiss or a gentle caress to the face - my feelings for them. I'm not a very talkative man - as the women I loved could attest - but I do show interest in listening to what they have to say, no matter what I'm doing at the time. Do I make any sense?


Yes. Thanks, Mori. I have a bad habit of becoming overly anxious about things. It's kind of hard for me because there was no genuine love from my ex husband, and that real love is something I have wanted so badly. I would like to find this guy out before I get attached to him. I want to know he is real, I want to know he is genuine. This is why I wonder about male actions when they like a girl. I kind of want to compare and contrast what men do when they begin developing feelings for a girl and what kind of things he has done around me to see if maybe, perhaps he just may actually like me for real.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> What are guy feelings towards a relationship? I'd really like to believe that men develop feelings towards the woman they are with just the same as the woman does for the man, but because I have never had a guy have true, genuine feelings for me, I'm a bit skeptical that men have these feelings. My ex husband never had true feelings for me because of his narcissism. I am now seeing a new guy, it's been about a month now but he's never once referred to me as his girlfriend. He's called me "the girl he's dating" but I've not earned title of girlfriend yet. So, at what point do men develop feelings for a girl? I mean real, genuine feelings. How do I even know if he has feelings for me?
> I want to know if men feel that butterfly in the stomach feeling when they think about her, do men find her on their mind every moment of every day? Do men feel happy when she calls or texts or just smiles at you on FB? Do men wonder what she's doing when they're not together? Do men talk about her to their friends?
> Do guys really have true, genuine feelings towards a girl, or is it all some sort of sick act?


Don't know about other guys, but I think my answer to your questions would be yes, at least with my GF. But... I don't know that in my case, it didn't happen in the first month. 

Our relationship was different than a lot, I think. We started off casual and entirely physical.  That was our agreement. The feelings developed over the first couple of months, and I think they were pretty close in timing for both of us. After about three months, we expressed our love for each other. She went first, but I was right there with her, and had been feeling that way for awhile anyway.

Even now, after about 9 months together, I can't get enough of her. I get a goofy smile on my face when I see her (virtually every day), and go to sleep and wake up thinking of her. We talk via text or phone throughout the day, and no matter how much we've seen each other that day, we have a "good night" phone call that is often an hour long. And sometimes when I see her, she still literally takes my breath away with her beauty, and I feel so incredibly fortunate to have found her and have her in my life.

And none of this even touches on the sex and intimacy, which is mind-blowing, toe curling, and breath-taking. . At 44/43 years old, our sex drives are almost identical, our love languages are both physical touch, and our communication on fantasies and desires is incredibly open and honest.

Whew! I guess that was the long version of "yes, guys can feel love". 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> What are guy feelings towards a relationship? I'd really like to believe that men develop feelings towards the woman they are with just the same as the woman does for the man


It doesnt work that way. Im not feeling overly articulate today, but Ill give this a shot. Assuming marriage, and assuming he's an 'average', level headed guy, and not a nice guy:

The more sex you give us, the more we love you.
The more you enjoy sex, the more we love you.
The more you take care of us, the more we love you.

Obviously there is a lot more to the list, like hanging out and what not. But simply being in the same house, wearing a ring doesnt make us love you, and the ring doesnt make our love for you grow. We are creatures of logic and under that guise, very simple to understand. 

Tangibles grow love for men the way Intangibles grow love for women. Im not saying daily bj's and waking up to the smell of fresh cooked bacon is the only way to make us love you more, although it would, but these are the primary things to look out for.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

SockPuppet said:


> It doesnt work that way. Im not feeling overly articulate today, but Ill give this a shot. Assuming marriage, and assuming he's an 'average', level headed guy, and not a nice guy:
> 
> The more sex you give us, the more we love you.
> The more you enjoy sex, the more we love you.
> ...


So for men it comes down to the penis and service (ie. there ego) and the woman's mistake is believing or wishing there were more?

I don't want to believe this.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Apple!

Seriously? Wtf?

You are putting the cart before the horse. And when I say horse, I mean you are trying to predetermine both your feelings and his feelings even before you both feel your feelings.

Stop overanalyzing! Enjoy the journey, stop the "Are we there yet?" questions. 

Unless of course, you mean this....

You to him: wow! I love the flowers! But I really don't need the flowers. Because they seem like such a waste of money!

You to your girlfriend: god! I just wish he would buy me flowers once in a while! I mean, seriously! Wtf! Am I not worth it!

....that's sort of what I got a bit out of your post....That whole I want to hear it but I don't want to hear it scenario going on in your head.

In both cases, though, just stop! Enjoy the journey!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

In any event...all your questions are...."yes. Yes we do"

Except that very last question....in which case the answer is....."no. No it isn't"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Bet there's a lot of lube on that sock puppet.

Pathetic.

I love my h and I am attracted to him. Thus, sex. But if he only loved me for sex... then he doesn't love me. Any ***** can give you sex. 

There are reasons some men are not loved or wanted. You are It.

Wander down to some poor area where the women feel they have no choice. Then see how much love you give them for what they give you.

You are not a man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Men, please show him how wrong he is.
Sex is important. Sex and love in marriage go hand in hand. But that was not love nor marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Apple!
> 
> Seriously? Wtf?
> 
> ...


I am horrible about over analyzing things.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Trenton said:


> So for men it comes down to the penis and service (ie. there ego) and the woman's mistake is believing or wishing there were more?
> 
> I don't want to believe this.


There is a heck of a lot more, which I made slight mention of in my post. But basically, yes, it comes down to biology and sex. All men are different, and I didnt mean to paint the picutre that sex is the be all and end all of relationships with men. 

Trenton, you have been on these forums far longer than I, and you have seen more posts about how unhappy men are in their sexless marriages. Just shadows of their former selves. I fully believe that the penis is the way to a mans heart. 



ClipClop said:


> Bet there's a lot of lube on that sock puppet.
> 
> Pathetic.
> 
> ...


I want Deejo to come to my rescue, he would know what to say... maybe there is a bat sign emoticon...



ClipClop said:


> I love my h and I am attracted to him. Thus, sex. But if he only loved me for sex... then he doesn't love me. Any ***** can give you sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, I love my w and I am attracted to her. The more sex she gives me, the happier and more content I become. The more sex I get the more I *want* to romance her. If she didnt provide me with sex, I would say that she didnt truly love me, as she is neglecting a very serious biological need. I would also say that if I dont show her love, she wont be in the mood for sex. I dont use "love" or "romance" as a weapon to remove her panties.

Whatever I said, I meant this exact thing, just the other way around. You say love = sex, and I said sex = love, but maybe I forgot to actually use the word L-O-V-E. 

Hopefully this clarifies my view, but if not I am seriously up for hijacking this thread with you. We can make a day of itIt would seem AlphaOmega, in all his wisdom (And I mean that!), has helped AppleDuckling with her query.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

SockPuppet said:


> There is a heck of a lot more, which I made slight mention of in my post. But basically, yes, it comes down to biology and sex. All men are different, and I didnt mean to paint the picutre that sex is the be all and end all of relationships with men.
> 
> Trenton, you have been on these forums far longer than I, and you have seen more posts about how unhappy men are in their sexless marriages. Just shadows of their former selves. I fully believe that a healthy sexual relationship is the way to a mans heart. From this point he can be himself, and be open and honesty, and you can take the relationship away from biology and move it into a happy and emotionally stable one.
> 
> ...


If there is more, what more is there? Focus on that because if your ad campaign is the one you first posted I think you're going to have trouble selling it to women. Perhaps you need Deejo to repackage it and sell it differently?


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Trenton said:


> If there is more, what more is there? Focus on that because if your ad campaign is the one you first posted I think you're going to have trouble selling it to women. *Perhaps you need Deejo to repackage it and sell it differently?*


Exactly. The product is sound, but I am a terrible marketer, my prof. told me I didnt have a future in it. That really is a true story.

I focus on the aspect of sex because it seems that their is a serious misunderstanding of male sexuality on these boards, and when any man posts anything like what I did, they get blasted by women, because maybe they dont want to understand. Their views have been perverted by everyone around them. I am a man, and I enjoy sex. I enjoy sex more than the average woman. 

I cant speak about the other stuff, because Im still quite new to this whole self-discovery, growth, becoming a better husband thing.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Mori, caution..gory details ahead....
I showed up at this guy's house wearing nothing but a bath towel and gave him sex 3xs in that one night. Was a naked chick in a towel on his doorstep the way to his heart, I don't know but it was one helluva night.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> Mori, caution..gory details ahead....
> I showed up at this guy's house wearing nothing but a bath towel and gave him sex 3xs in that one night. Was a naked chick in a towel on his doorstep the way to his heart, I don't know but it was one helluva night.


Ahhhh. Yes. Enjoy the journey. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

SockPuppet said:


> It doesnt work that way. Im not feeling overly articulate today, but Ill give this a shot. Assuming marriage, and assuming he's an 'average', level headed guy, and not a nice guy:
> 
> The more sex you give us, the more we love you.
> The more you enjoy sex, the more we love you.
> ...


As an "average" guy, I disagree (speaking only for myself, of course). A daily BJ wouldn't make my feel more loved than I feel now. A home cooked meal, waiting for me everyday after work wouldn't make me feel more loved. What makes me feel loved is that she makes time for us, no matter what we're doing. That she is interested in my life, in me, in my children, asking questions about things we talked about last week to see what happened after that. That she makes it obvious that a highlight in her day is our time together.

Now granted, we're still very heavily in the honeymoon phase of our relationship. And very often, our time together IS spent naked and horizontal. And her text messages in the morning often will have her catch phrase of "I'm stupid horny" somewhere in the thread... But truly, the intimacy in our relationship is so much more than a 15 minute romp in the sack every day.

I don't know if I'm helping my case or not, any more... . But I really don't feel that my GF needs to prove her love for me by putting out on a regular basis. Would I be singing the same tune though, if we were only bumping uglies once a month? Realistically, no. But so long as we're both happy with the frequency and quality, more doesn't mean she loves me more, or that I'll love her more.

I remember the quote, but don't know who said it... "Sex is like air. It's no big deal unless you're not getting enough.". And "enough" is defined by both partners in the relationship. It's not some magical glue that binds a relationship together, especially long term. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

We don't drag our buddies into the bathroom to talk about it, but guys "feel" as deeply as any woman. We might value relationships even more because we don't have a other intimate relationships. My wife is more than my wife. She's my best friend, my shrink, my partner. Without her, I'm basically alone. She's been pretty unavailable, especially, for the past couple years, so I'm on this forum, but when she's on her game, I really don't talk to anyone else about anything important. 
When does this happen? Sometimes almost instantly and sometimes it has to stew in the crockpot months or even years.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Mori, caution..gory details ahead....
> I showed up at this guy's house wearing nothing but a bath towel and gave him sex 3xs in that one night. Was a naked chick in a towel on his doorstep the way to his heart, I don't know but it was one helluva night.


Nice! I did this for a friend once. Well, my friend with benefits. He always wanted a girl to just show up in a coat and boots...so I drove across town in a coat and boots, PRAYING not to get pulled over :rofl:

I do the same for hubs... A friend told me "men have sex to feel close...." and i believe it (the end of that is "and women need to feel close to have sex".)


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> What are guy feelings towards a relationship? I'd really like to believe that men develop feelings towards the woman they are with just the same as the woman does for the man, but because I have never had a guy have true, genuine feelings for me, I'm a bit skeptical that men have these feelings. My ex husband never had true feelings for me because of his narcissism. I am now seeing a new guy, it's been about a month now but he's never once referred to me as his girlfriend. He's called me "the girl he's dating" but I've not earned title of girlfriend yet. So, at what point do men develop feelings for a girl? I mean real, genuine feelings. How do I even know if he has feelings for me?
> I want to know if men feel that butterfly in the stomach feeling when they think about her, do men find her on their mind every moment of every day? Do men feel happy when she calls or texts or just smiles at you on FB? Do men wonder what she's doing when they're not together? Do men talk about her to their friends?
> Do guys really have true, genuine feelings towards a girl, or is it all some sort of sick act?


You’ve spent a long time in the Coping with Infidelity forum and you’ve seen just how deeply shattered men are when they’ve discovered their wife in an affair and the lengths they go to try and reconcile things. And yet you ask this question of men? Wake up AppleDucklings! Believe what you read in that forum.

It’s when things go really wrong in their marriage that men begin to actually understand the depth and strength of their emotions and just how strongly they are, or were, linked to their wives. Men bond with their wives big time and often make them the very centre of their universe.

If you have truly been with a narcissist then you have not experienced a genuine man. So take time to get to know yourself and don’t rush into things with another man. You do sound as though it’s the biggest thing on your agenda, to be with another man. There will be a reason for that but if I was you I’d question my motivations, to see if they are healthy, valid reasons.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Appleducklings

Are you serious? We are human too you know!

Just some of us have harder hearts to win then others. But I know my wife definitedly stole mine to the point no matter how much sh-t she throws at me I'll never EVER leave her (unless to teach her a lesson hehe... or unless one day she figures enough is enough  )

If I lose my wife, that's it. Never EVER... will I love again. But hey, maybe that's the problem with your bfs? Just stay away from guys with issues unless they solve them themselves


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Nice! I did this for a friend once. Well, my friend with benefits. He always wanted a girl to just show up in a coat and boots...so I drove across town in a coat and boots, PRAYING not to get pulled over :rofl:
> 
> I do the same for hubs... A friend told me "men have sex to feel close...." and i believe it (the end of that is "and women need to feel close to have sex".)


Hehehehehe  My new guy is a cop. Showing up in a towel to a cop's house is definitely one of the more wild things I've ever done.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

AFEH said:


> You’ve spent a long time in the Coping with Infidelity forum and you’ve seen just how deeply shattered men are when they’ve discovered their wife in an affair and the lengths they go to try and reconcile things. And yet you ask this question of men? Wake up AppleDucklings! Believe what you read in that forum.
> 
> It’s when things go really wrong in their marriage that men begin to actually understand the depth and strength of their emotions and just how strongly they are, or were, linked to their wives. Men bond with their wives big time and often make them the very centre of their universe.
> 
> If you have truly been with a narcissist then you have not experienced a genuine man. So take time to get to know yourself and don’t rush into things with another man. You do sound as though it’s the biggest thing on your agenda, to be with another man. There will be a reason for that but if I was you I’d question my motivations, to see if they are healthy, valid reasons.


Nope, I've never had a genuine man before. I've never had that man who was true to me, I've never before had a guy who was faithful to me, I've never before had that guy who would go through hell or high water for me. What's wrong with me that I attract this kind of man, I don't know, but I would really like to avoid it.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

> Mori, caution..gory details ahead....
> I showed up at this guy's house wearing nothing but a bath towel and gave him sex 3xs in that one night. Was a naked chick in a towel on his doorstep the way to his heart, I don't know but it was one helluva night.


As long as you enjoy the sex, that's fine. Just guard your heart Apple just in case he does the same as that former cop friend you visited a couple of months ago, had sex with and then said he didn't want a committed relationship.

Now that you've given him a taste of what it's like to have you as his girlfriend, let him make the next move.



AppleDucklings said:


> Hehehehehe  My new guy is a cop. Showing up in a towel to a cop's house is definitely one of the more wild things I've ever done.


Good thing he didn't have a female fellow cop over and she happened to open the door. That would have been quite an embarrassment, especially if they put you in a cell with a few lesbians who wanted to make you their 'wife' YIKES!!!. Next time, play it safe and have him come over to your place.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> Nope, I've never had a genuine man before. I've never had that man who was true to me, I've never before had a guy who was faithful to me, I've never before had that guy who would go through hell or high water for me. *What's wrong with me that I attract this kind of man, I don't know, but I would really like to avoid it.*


It’s probably to do with your motivations and boundaries.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> As long as you enjoy the sex, that's fine. Just guard your heart Apple just in case he does the same as that former cop friend you visited a couple of months ago, had sex with and then said he didn't want a committed relationship.
> 
> Now that you've given him a taste of what it's like to have you as his girlfriend, let him make the next move.
> 
> ...


The next time we met up after that, he showed up to my house in a towel. He said he couldn't be out done, lol


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> The next time we met up after that, he showed up to my house in a towel. He said he couldn't be out done, lol


I hope you read him his rights before you proceeded to arrest him.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

PBear said:


> *But I really don't feel that my GF needs to prove her love for me by putting out on a regular basis.* Would I be singing the same tune though, if we were only bumping uglies once a month? Realistically, no. But so long as we're both happy with the frequency and quality, more doesn't mean she loves me more, or that I'll love her more.
> 
> I remember the quote, but don't know who said it... "Sex is like air. It's no big deal unless you're not getting enough.". And "enough" is defined by both partners in the relationship.
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You misinterpret my meaning.I never said a woman proves her love by putting out. 

Men arent mindless automatons, incapable of deep thought. You cant just throw us meaningless sex like it was cheese to a mouse, expecting to catch us in your man trap of love. 

Without meaning it, without using it in the proper context sex and bacon can be useless, and wont benefit. 
The anecdotal evidence is on the wall.



AppleDucklings said:


> What are guy feelings towards a relationship? I'd really like to believe that men develop feelings towards the woman they are with just the same as the woman does for the man,


I was simply trying to outline that men dont develop the same way as women. I say we are capable of a love that is just as deep as AppleDuckling describes, but its not the same kind of love. Men and Women are hardwired differently, and we develop feelings and aspects of our character in different ways.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> You misinterpret my meaning.I never said a woman proves her love by putting out.
> 
> Men arent mindless automatons, incapable of deep thought. You cant just throw us meaningless sex like it was cheese to a mouse, expecting to catch us in your man trap of love.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your input, Sockpuppet.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> I hope you read him his rights before you proceeded to arrest him.


 Sorry Mori. No gory details


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