# I just can't handle this anymore.



## lonelyvulture (Nov 29, 2017)

Sorry this is going to be long.

I have been married for 10 almost 11 years to my wife. Every thing was great till about the 6 year mark when ahe started having issues with her anxiety. After aeveral months of random brwakdowns over anything she committed herself to physc hospital. She spent about two weeks there.
Came home with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder and generalized anexity disorder.

Since this life has been a rollercoster of ups and downs with her ranging from her harming herself to abusing her medication.i stood by her for 3 years through seeing her through many hospital stays and many break downs.

But this year has been the worst by far. In January docotors suspected our now almost 2 year old son had neuroblastoma due an odd lump that formed on his neck.
Thankfully that was not the case the lump was just a lymphatic malformation that was taken care of by a simple surgery. But it was the start of an anxeity filled downard spiral for her.

There have been 6 trips to the hospital this year totalling around 4months total time she has spent in the hospitail this year. Her last long term stay in the hospital she lied to me and her doctor saying she was ready to come home so she go to her mothers wedding to her 5th husband.

That was September dispite lying her way out she was doing fairly well using coping akills she learned in her last stint taking her meds as she should and going to counseling regularly. It looked like a fresh start for us.

But sadly she stopped going ro cousling with out telling me last month still left every week on Wednesday saying she was going to counseling. But kept seeing her psychologist to get her meds.

Last night she came to me and asked if id be ok if she went
Out with her friends for triva night as its ussaly just the same group hanging out ata dennys playing trival prusit or some other game i said sure ill stay home with thw kiddo have fun dont be gone too late though becuase i had to be at work at 830.

I woke up at six o'clock this morning and she was not home. I make breakfast and start calling her cell phone no answer. I call her friends who all say they called it a night about 1 am she finally calls me at 7 am and says she fell asleep in the parking lot of dennys and would be home shortly. I say be careful and offer to come pick her up we can go get her car later. She says dont becuase i took your van when she couldnt get her car to start last night and has both sets of keys.I call work explian im going to be late after she isnt home at 8am. I call her and shes crying saying she wrecked my van. By bumping another car and is waiting for the cop to tell her to go. 

At this point i call our nanny ask her to come in today even though its her day off so when my wife geta home i can deal with insurance and go to work and my wife can rest. When my wife gets home she calls me and ask me to help i go outside to find her in my van pulled into the yard crying that it won't go. I tell her to get out and i drive the van no problem the problem she had was she put it in park. At thia point its obvious she isnt alright. Beaidea not rembering cars dont move in park and thinking my perfectly manicured yard was a good parking spot. Her voice is slurred and she can't walk straight or stand still.

I take her in and sit her down. Go outside totake pictures of the damage from the accident nothing roo serious dent in the hood and fender and a broken headlight. Call insurance company and send the pictures takes maybe 30 minutes total. At this time the. Nanny comes out with my son saying she thinks its best if they go to the park as my wife is inside being odd.

I go inside to find my wife talking to her brother who was not there when i told here that she goes oh he must of qent to thw other room. I try to explain that her brother iant here he lives 1000 miles away. Ahe then ararts talking to a friend that passed away two years ago.

I yell at her to get her to snap in to reality it worked for a minute in which iask here what she has taken or done she answers just her meds i go to her purse to exam how much of thwm where taken. I discover at this point she has started going to a free public mhmr clinic and getting meds from them as well as from her normal doctor.

She rambles off about random things as i ask her why she is doing this. I notice ahe has burned her wrist with ciggeretes as she takes her jacket off. I decide this is way out of control when she starts yelling at the phantom people and dail 911.

An ambulance and 6 cops show up. She trys to leave the cops wont let her. She revels she has been cutting her upper thigh for a bit i of course didnt notice as she always wears pants and we havent had sex in a couple of weeks. Sex has been rare this year. But that isn't a big issue to me and not completly her fault as job stress and have an almost 2 year old to chase has kept my mind away from that. 

But back to the events of today the cops finally get her settled down and the emts get her in the ambulance and to the nearest hospital er to treat the apparent od and then tey to get a transfer to a mental ward.

After several hours of her being at the hospital i get a call from the charge nurse that she has walked out and that cops have been called to retrieve her. That is now where that stands. I dont know if the cops returned her to the hospital or have even found her.

At this point I am worn out and cant deal with her issues anymore. Ivw tried to be a paitent and caring husband but i can't do this any more. Furthermore i cant allow this behavior around my child nor do i want it in my life.

I still love my wife completly and utterly the thought of divorce hurts me but seems the less painful route for me and my son. I just worry about her well being and her reaction. But i know its for my sons and mine best intrest.

What steps should i take from here

sorry for the long post typing this helped me vent a bit.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Call a lawyer see what your rights are.

It might be best for your child if you divorce and have full custody.

Your wife has sever mental problems and might not be safe for your child to be left alone with her.

Sorry your going through this .must be very difficult!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

This is such a hard situation, but your wife clearly has a severe mental illness, not helped by her messing up her meds and stopping her counselling.
You say that her mum just married her 5th husband, so clearly there is a lot of instability there. Did anything happen when this all started 6 years ago? What is her family background(apart from her serial divorcee mum?) . Any severe mental illness in her family?

Make sure that you document all that happens and has happened. You clearly cant leave the child with her, its fortunate you can afford a nanny, but you will need all the details to make sure that she only has supervised visits with her son and that you get full custody. You don't even need to think of divorce right now, just make sure that you don't let her care for the child. Just a separation may be enough for now. 
Get legal advise.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Your wife is mentally ill to the point of being a danger to the general public, herself, you, and your child. You need to contact a lawyer, begin divorce proceedings, and do everything you can to get full custody of your child.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

> Every thing was great till about the 6 year mark


LV, because full-blown BPD is believed to be firmly entrenched by age five and starts showing strongly in the early teens, you almost certainly had to have been seeing red flags in her behavior during the first six years. If you don't know what BPD symptoms to look for, I suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. I suspect you will recognize most of them as having occurred early in the marriage.



> Came home with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder and generalized anxiety disorder.


Nearly all BPDers also suffer from one or two co-occurring clinical mental disorders such as GAD, PTSD, ADHD, depression, OCD, and bipolar. There is a 41% chance, for example, that she also suffers from bipolar disorder. I mention bipolar because the psychotic episodes you mention are usually associated with bipolar-1 (because the mania can produce psychosis), not BPD. On top of the BPD and clinical disorders, nearly all BPDers also suffer from at least one other personality disorder such as narcissism, sociopathy, Histrionic PD, or Avoidant PD. 



> ...to her mothers wedding to her 5th husband.


Well, it sounds like you know which side of her family she inherited the BPD and anxiety issues from.



> She has burned her wrist with cigarettes.... she has been cutting her upper thigh for a bit.


When a BPDer is low functioning, she will be in such great emotional pain that she can actually get a little bit of relief by moving the pain to the surface of her body. That is, the pain is easier to tolerate when she can externalize some of it. BPDers therefore do self harming like cutting and burning as a way of externalizing their pain. They also do it when they are dissociating so badly that they need a way of getting their feelings back so they can feel like they've returned to their own body.



> What steps should i take from here?


LV, I offer several suggestions: *First*, read _Splitting: Protecting Yourself while Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist_. If your W is a BPDer, the divorce probably will get very nasty very quickly.

*Second*, start participating (or at least lurking) at BPDfamily.com, which offers eight separate message boards on various BPD issues. The one that likely will be most helpful is the _"Co-Parenting after the Split"_ board. If your W is a BPDer, she likely will become so vindictive during the divorce that she will engage in parental alienation, trying to turn your son against you.

*Third*, while you're at BPDfamily, read the articles: Doing What's Best for the Kids and Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with BPD and Leaving a Partner with BPD. At other websites, I recommend these online articles: Fathers Divorcing, and High Risk Parenting, and Pain of Breaking Up, and Divorcing a Narcissist.

*Fourth,* for tips on how to establish and enforce strong personal boundaries, I recommend an online blog by a psychiatric nurse. It provides 20 tips to nurses on how they can best deal with obstinate BPDer patients. It is located at BPD on the Behavioral Unit. If you think you have it bad, remember that those psychiatric nurses have to deal with many BPDers for hours every work day.

*Fifth*, read an explanation of how we excessive caregivers get to be this way during our childhood. Because you've been married to a BPDer for over ten years, you very likely are an excessive caregiver like me (I foolishly held on for 15 years before divorcing my BPDer exW). The best explanation I've found is Shari Schreiber's article, Do You Love to be Needed? Schreiber argues that, due to childhood dynamics with parents, our desire to be _needed _(for what we can do) far exceeds our desire to be _loved_ (for the men we already are).

*Finally*, please don't forget those of us on this TAM forum. We want to keep trying to answer your questions and providing emotional support as long as you find our shared experiences helpful. Moreover, by sharing your own experiences here, you likely are helping numerous other members and lurkers. Indeed, your thread has already attracted over a hundred views in just a few hours.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Don't make any lifelong relationships right now. Just focus on getting her help. I'm not saying you have to stay married, just that let's get her healthy and at least functioning for now, ok?


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## lonelyvulture (Nov 29, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> This is such a hard situation, but your wife clearly has a severe mental illness, not helped by her messing up her meds and stopping her counselling.
> You say that her mum just married her 5th husband, so clearly there is a lot of instability there. Did anything happen when this all started 6 years ago? What is her family background(apart from her serial divorcee mum?) . Any severe mental illness in her family?.


On her moms side her older brother is bi polar her half younger half brother has adhd,and her mom has been diagnosed wit narsacistc personality disorder and bi polar. On her dads side her half sister has depression.
As far anything being a triger 6 years ago onlything i can think of is we moved from Houston tx to Dallas Tx. It was for her a promotion at her job i transfered universitys and finished my degree at university of Dallas. All good things 



Uptown said:


> LV, because full-blown BPD is believed to be firmly entrenched by age five and starts showing strongly in the early teens, you almost certainly had to have been seeing red flags in her behavior during the first six years. If you don't know what BPD symptoms to look for, I suggest you take a quick look at my list.


I most definitely look back and can pinpoint most of those 
Warrning signs.

As for an update on her she at a county mental ward now im waiting for the staff there to calland give me a full update but i know she is safe and under watch ful eyes now.
Tomorrow i will be taking a personal day from work and speaking to a lawyer just to see my rights and decide where to go from there.


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## lonelyvulture (Nov 29, 2017)

Spoke to a family law attorney his advice as Texas doesn't reconigize legal seperation was to file a Suit Affecting Parent-Child Relationship without terminating the marraige. So that i can limit her contact with our son and proctect my financial intrested(a worry he pointed out). 

Then take the time in which we are informally seperated to allow her to get stable and me to sort out my feelings and make a decision on weather to reconcile or divorce. Then in case of a divorce ill already have a court order stating limited/supervised visits for her with our son.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Uptown said:


> LV, because full-blown BPD is believed to be firmly entrenched by age five and starts showing strongly in the early teens, you almost certainly had to have been seeing red flags in her behavior during the first six years. If you don't know what BPD symptoms to look for, I suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. I suspect you will recognize most of them as having occurred early in the marriage.
> 
> Nearly all BPDers also suffer from one or two co-occurring clinical mental disorders such as GAD, PTSD, ADHD, depression, OCD, and bipolar. There is a 41% chance, for example, that she also suffers from bipolar disorder. I mention bipolar because the psychotic episodes you mention are usually associated with bipolar-1 (because the mania can produce psychosis), not BPD. On top of the BPD and clinical disorders, nearly all BPDers also suffer from at least one other personality disorder such as narcissism, sociopathy, Histrionic PD, or Avoidant PD.
> 
> ...


I wish you were on SurvivingInfidelity.com there is about 3 threads on there that this would be great advice for.

Such an excellent post, it should be stickyed.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

I am not in Texas, but I know in my state she would be involuntarily committed given the circumstances you describe. If the police take her in, which they did initially and did again when she left, she does not have a choice in the matter for a prescribed number of days. 

It seems she needs some longer term in-patient care to clean out her system and establish some order and boundaries in her life. This will help her feel more stable. This will also give you time to get your thoughts in order.

The problem with in patient care is that generally everything is done in a group setting with limited individual counseling. A person can fall through the cracks, particularly one who is being deceitful as your wife is. (I don't mean that in a negative way - clearly she is looking for ways to get around the system and get what she wants) I encourage you to advocate for her and check in on her regularly.

Unless there was some trigger for this most recent episode, it does seem like continuing in the marriage is futile for now. Personally, I don't understand why there is not legal separation in cases like this. My state does not have it either.

Visits with your son must be supervised. Of course this is the case as long as she is in the hospital, but I think you need to start laying the ground work for this with her doctors for when she is released. Her counselor - her individual counselor - should be able to work with both of you to set up boundaries and goals for her to achieve unsupervised visitation.

Wow. Good luck. Take time to take care of yourself. You have a tough few months ahead.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

She has already walked off a ward. Been there, dealt with it, save yourself. You cannot have yourself or your child around her, and be safe. You really have very few options. See how she is after this hospitalization, but I urge you to get your ducks in a row, over the next two weeks. This should include a permanent or long term care facility. Sorry to say, this stuff does not go away. I know.

My wife's middle sister is afflicted with BPD, Anxiety disorder, and OCD. She has destroyed every relationship she had, then regressed to a child like state. She has also made a very serious suicide attempt. So serious that it permanently disabled her. She laid herself down on train tracks, the engineer spotted her, and hit the emergency brakes, the train rolled over one leg at the hip, the brakes super-heated the wheels and the wound was cauterized-it should have killed her, and it would have been better for her.

You, my friend, are in the same boat as my family. The combination of disorders and the behavior your wife displays are so similar as to be frightening. She will never be able to live with a spouse, or family member. You will constantly have to monitor her behavior, and become her security guard. You need a lawyer. You will need to decide who will become her guardian, and whether or not to have her declared NCM (Non-compus mentus-mentally incompetent). If you remain married, then most of this will fall to you. This is way too much for you and your child, even when she gets back to "well", she will never be the same. It would likely be in your best interest to divorce, and PS, this is a devastating financial burden as well. Love is wonderful, you love her and that is a shame, because the one you love is lost in a sea of rolling terrors.


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## lonelyvulture (Nov 29, 2017)

NickyT said:


> I am not in Texas, but I know in my state she would be involuntarily committed given the circumstances you describe. If the police take her in, which they did initially and did again when she left, she does not have a choice in the matter for a prescribed number of days.
> 
> It seems she needs some longer term in-patient care to clean out her system and establish some order and boundaries in her life. This will help her feel more stable. This will also give you time to get your thoughts in order.
> 
> ...


The law here is about the same they can hold her for 72 hours without a court order but in most cases they have a court order withing 24 hours then she is there till the doctor who asked for the court order clears her. The last time she was in a sitiution like this she asked to be transfered to a long term care state hospital. But then lied and worked the system to get out for something she wanted before she was ready even according to herself.

As far as i know therw was nothing that triggered this the status quo for our life hasnt changed there was no traumatic events or even minor changes. I spoke with her last night and asked what brought it on and she says she doesnt know 
I have come to find out that usally means she doeant want me to know or doesn't want to tell me.

She wonderfully skilled in the art of avoided meaningful communication till she is ready to talk about it on her own.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Wow, so sorry you are going through this. I couldn't imagine and I've been through some very stressful events in the last 4 months.

Get her out of your house and away from your child. No one will think bad of you. In fact, I would say people will question why you are risking your child's well being. Your wife is the mother that you hear on the news that drowns their children. There is no way I would be comfortable with my child alone with her. Hell, I wouldn't be comfortable sleeping next to her. Who knows if one night she'll shoot you or stab you? You don't have any weapons in the house, right?

She needs to focus on her health. She can't be a mom or wife right now. Tell her once she's been stable for 12+ months you'll reconsider reconciliation. Give her a goal. That doesn't mean you put your life on hold, go date and do whatever. You can't live like this.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

lonelyvulture said:


> I spoke with her last night and asked what brought it on and she says she doesnt know
> I have come to find out that usally means she doeant want me to know or doesn't want to tell me.
> 
> She wonderfully skilled in the art of avoided meaningful communication till she is ready to talk about it on her own.


She is clearly very intelligent. I have a daughter who used to do this. 

It is important to try to get her to speak the truth and not leave things to dangle. Don't be afraid to hold her accountable. This can be done in a very loving and patient way. When you suspect she is avoiding, tell her you would like her to be honest - is it that she does not know or is it that she does not want to tell you/talk about it with you. My daughter actually found this very freeing, as it removed the stress of deception.

If the truth is she does not know, then ask her how she plans to determine the cause and tell her you will be asking her again in xx days. (then keep a journal of outstanding things that she needs to address with you so you don't forget - I used an old notebook that I kept in my car and wrote in when I left the hospital). 

If the truth is that she does not want to talk about it, then respect the boundary but tell her that you would like to ask her about it in xx days. (again, the notebook)

This shows her that you are not going to accept the deception and that she is responsible for what she says and does. It also shows her that you have an vested interest, and that what she does effects you (a realization that is probably lacking).

Good luck. Hope that helps.


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## lonelyvulture (Nov 29, 2017)

I had to go viait her to ask for a few things from her purse which she carried with her in the ambulance. Like our sons insurance card getting a replacement is difficult and takes a long time and few other personal affects she keeps for me.

I talked to her for bit and she told me that she couldn't explain why she has been acting this way but knows she needs to answer my questions and take responsibility(she did this with out prompt from me and her own free Will) I told her of my plan to seperation ao we can both sort our thoughts and feelings out and figure out what which way we are going. She teared up and told me age didnt like the plan would change if i gave her a another chance(she has said this many times).

So my reponse was that my plan gave her a chance to prove she can and will change as she hasnt been able to do that when we do things the way she wants to. The talk was cut short as it was time for her to go to group. I retrive the iteims i need from the charge nurse and left.

I really do think i have the best plan for everyone involved and feel my wife knows what i want to hear and will say it without meaning it


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

lonelyvulture said:


> I had to go viait her to ask for a few things from her purse which she carried with her in the ambulance. Like our sons insurance card getting a replacement is difficult and takes a long time and few other personal affects she keeps for me.
> 
> I talked to her for bit and she told me that she couldn't explain why she has been acting this way but knows she needs to answer my questions and take responsibility(she did this with out prompt from me and her own free Will) I told her of my plan to seperation ao we can both sort our thoughts and feelings out and figure out what which way we are going. She teared up and told me age didnt like the plan would change if i gave her a another chance(she has said this many times).
> 
> ...



Your head is screwed on straight. Your making sound decisions. Keep with the plan and TRUST you own judgment! 


Best of luck in this difficult time but I feel you know what needs to be done and will do it for the love of your child.

Regards
Chilly


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## trueblue2017 (Dec 1, 2017)

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have to say I feel sorry for her too, because no one wants to live like this or go through mental illness, and I'm not sure why it is so hard for the patient to take their medications ONLY as directed, but this seems to be the case so often. Either they secretively stop taking it altogether, or they are taking too much. Please take care of yourself and know you are doing the right thing and have been thoughtful and compassionate, but you had to ultimately make these decisions for the best of your child and yourself. Good luck to you during this struggle.


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## lonelyvulture (Nov 29, 2017)

Went out today to get a christmas tree to set up came home to find a note from cps on my door telling to contact them immediately.

I have called and left a voice mail but have heard nothting back. Should i be worried about this. I take good care of my child and have nothing to hide but have hear horrors storrys about cps.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

LV, if I were you, I would certainly be concerned about the CPS voice mail, but I wouldn't be too worried. The fact that your W has diagnosed by a professional as having full-blown BPD should be of great comfort to you. The vast majority of abused spouses living with a BPDer cannot prove it because psychologists generally are loath to tell the patient (much less tell her spouse) that she has BPD. They typically withhold this information because it usually is not in the best interests of the patient to be told. This is why it is rare for an abused spouse to be able to prove to a court or CPS that he/she is living with a very abusive, unstable spouse. Hence, having that diagnosis "in your pocket" is an enormous advantage where the courts are involved.


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## lonelyvulture (Nov 29, 2017)

Uptown said:


> LV, if I were you, I would certainly be concerned about the CPS voice mail, but I wouldn't be too worried. The fact that your W has diagnosed by a professional as having full-blown BPD should be of great comfort to you. The vast majority of abused spouses living with a BPDer cannot prove it because psychologists generally are loath to tell the patient (much less tell her spouse) that she has BPD. They typically withhold this information because it usually is not in the best interests of the patient to be told. This is why it is rare for an abused spouse to be able to prove to a court or CPS that he/she is living with a very abusive, unstable spouse. Hence, having that diagnosis "in your pocket" is an enormous advantage where the courts are involved.



The cps worker came back by after i called her. She was called by a worried citizen who knows of my wifes condition and they wanted to make sure the i was stable and had support and help to continue a normal life for my son during timea like this. I explained i have a part time nanny, and my mother who lives 30 minutes away has voulntered to watch him on the nannys days off so i can countinue working a normal sheculde. I have weekends off and and am very much homebody when not working so stay home and hang out with my family. So only thing that has change is my wife isn't here.

The cps worker said theres nothing wrong that she can see and was going go ahead and close the investigation as i had everything well in hand and honeatly only came out becuase they have to by law when a report comes in.

So thankfully that wasnt near as bad as i had worked it up to be in my mind.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

That's wonderful news, LV. Thanks for returning to let us know how it played out with CPS. I am very happy for you!


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## lonelyvulture (Nov 29, 2017)

Just an update. The doctors at the county hospital have moved her into a 90 day program at a state run hospital. I spoke with her and explained to her that i needed to see how she is after finishing the program beforw we talk avout even getting back together. I presented her a contract tha is going to be used for our Suit Affecting Parent-Child Relationship without terminating the marraige that states she wont be living with our child and me and will only have supervised visits in a neutral location until her psychologist stats she is stable and can handle the responsibility of caring not only herself but a child also.

I also gave her other paper work about community property division.

She seemed saddened that I have actually had these papers drawn up. She asked for a couple of days to look over the papers. I was expecting a fight when a she said she had a lawyer look over them for her but recived them signed and notarized in the mail yesterday.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

LV, thanks so much for giving us an update on your W's condition. It is good news that the county hospital has not simply kicked her out but, rather, has arranged for a 90-day stay at a state run hospital. When my bipolar-1 foster son gets psychotic in the midWest, it is common for him to be booted out of the state hospital after only two weeks -- even though his recovery from psychosis typically takes several months.


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## lonelyvulture (Nov 29, 2017)

Uptown said:


> LV, thanks so much for giving us an update on your W's condition. It is good news that the county hospital has not simply kicked her out but, rather, has arranged for a 90-day stay at a state run hospital. When my bipolar-1 foster son gets psychotic in the midWest, it is common for him to be booted out of the state hospital after only two weeks -- even though his recovery from psychosis typically takes several months.


The county hospital rarely gets her to the state hospital most of the time the wait list for the state hospital is too long so they boot her to "crisis recovery program" that can last anywhere from 3 days to two weeks. The social worker and doctors there this time took the time jumped through all the hoops and got her into a residential program.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

lonelyvulture said:


> The county hospital rarely gets her to the state hospital most of the time the wait list for the state hospital is too long so they boot her to "crisis recovery program" that can last anywhere from 3 days to two weeks. The social worker and doctors there this time took the time jumped through all the hoops and got her into a residential program.


Ahh, yes, that sounds like what I've experienced with my foster son repeatedly in the Midwest. After two weeks, the hospital declares him healthy -- never mind that he is still severely psychotic and confused -- and discharges him, having him driven to his home town and dumped on the doorstep of the group home where he lives. The home manager calls me.

I tell her to immediately call 911 and have him delivered to the ER of the local hospital, where the whole process starts all over again. They have to accept him and the social worker and doctors there immediately arrange for him to go -- later that same day or the next morning -- to a county or state hospital. Then the cycle repeats two weeks later.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's always about money. I remember my mom working for a doctor back in the late 60s at a hospital. I got a bad sinus infection and they literally put me in the hospital for a week. For a sinus infection. Cos hospitals weren't the wannabe cash cows they are now.


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