# Red flags - what do you look for?



## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

Hi,

New here. What are the red flags that come off the top of your minds when you meet someone new?

For me, there are quite a few.

1. Self awareness in public environment. If she's got none and shows no kindness in public transportation, don't expect it from her.

2. Too much perfume and make up. Something doesn't sit right. I equate if to being needy, tied to phones, being high maintenance.

3. Is she willing to fly home to attend to her parents when they are ill?
I would and I'm half way across the world from my own. Would even do it for her parents.
Shows how they are raised.

4. Cooking and laundry. Men and women have to carry this equally. <= Need taking care of

5. The great outdoors. Common ground issue.

Mind you, my socio-economic status is rather low in the city. I'm sure men of higher income seek women to take care of.

Thanks for taking the time to give it a read.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Not a guy but those all sound reasonable.

One I’ve found is that if someone talks about their exes and every single one of them was “crazy”, it usually means my date is crazy.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Sounds like a litmus test. Better to be open and observe overall than have a list of do's/dont's


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

For me, a warning sign is someone who always seems to need help but is never able to provide help for others. 

A friend of mine had a girlfriend like that for a while. Her life seemed to be an endless series of emergencies that required his help, but somehow the reverse never happened.

I understand that this can happen by bad luck, but sometimes when you look at the "emergencies" they are something that the person should be able to solve themselves.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Parasite said:


> 4. Cooking and laundry.


Cooking together is close second to sex for us. Just saying.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I've always thought membership of the Communist Party or the Fabian Society, means I might find some red flags or perhaps even a banner parade of them.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*My Red Flags are:

If they have an unhealthy, marked aversion to having loving sex, either oral or vaginal, with a partner,

Or

An incapability of being able to show genuine empathy for people of lesser economic means, children, the elderly, or animals,

Or

Possessing an Abnormal Love for Money, Status, or Power,

Or

Having Overt or Covert Anger, Psychological, or Emotional/Behavioral Issues,

Or

Body Art(Tattoos/Body Piercings or Studs),

Or

An Abnormal Penchant for Alcohol and/or Drugs

And

If they refuse to show respect for God and deity!*


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

If her personality changes after a few drinks then you are seeing her as she really is, not the act she is putting on.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I always watched how a date treated the servers in restaurants or bars or anyone who they consider beneath them and that tells me what they are really like. 
Also if they tip badly or not at all I soon exited the relationship.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

1) do they treat others with respect
2)do they still have anger and resentment towards exes. 
3) do they pressure me for sex
4) are they honest
5) do they have integrity and strong moral values
6)do they have a bad temper or are they moody. 
7) are they arrogant or have humility. 
8) are they self centered or boastful.
9) do they share my faith, most importantly.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Personal said:


> I've always thought membership of the Communist Party or the Fabian Society, means I might find some red flags or perhaps even a banner parade of them.


The Party was actually a great place to get action... The Komsomol Kittens were pretty good... If you were reasonably well read in political theory and had time to waste....


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Red flags are relative to each of us for the most part. So, with perfume and make up you may see high maintenance, but someone else might see it as taking care of themselves. For me, red flags are things that make me uncomfortable in a not so good way. So when I feel boxed in or pressured, or feel like I am not the primary focus of attention I see read flags.

I am much more aware of my red flags than I was in the past. There are somethings that I refuse to overlook now that I did in the past.
1) Clingy, needy, looking for KISA.
2) Constantly checking phone and texting
3) Overly fit and/or made up - plastic
4) Rudeness and a sense of entitlement
5) Greedy
For the most part I am able to see these red flags before I get a chance to meet them. Very seldom have I been proven wrong, upon meeting them.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Also OP, for the most part, those do not seem like Red Flags. To me Red Flags are EARLY warning signs that something might be off with this person, which makes them non-compatible to me. Your list reads like a laundry list of things come up much later. Those are things you might have avoided, had you been paying attention to the real actual red flags.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> 1) do they treat others with respect
> *2)do they still have anger and resentment towards exes.*
> 3) do they pressure me for sex
> 4) are they honest
> ...


*Just as long as that resentment is a controlled one, not affecting the basic tenants of the new relationship!*


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

You’ve had a lot of good replies that I agree with already but I will add a few of the biggest ones for me:

-If they treat their family bad or are completely estranged from them 
-If they treat their friends badly, or have a lot of people they used to be friends with but now are not.
-If they use illegal drugs. 
-Overall disrespectful to others 
-If they don’t care about/abuse animals.


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## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

BigToe said:


> Sounds like a litmus test. Better to be open and observe overall than have a list of do's/dont's


Red flags, as I see it, are markers. A litmus test would be a few tests that I actively administer or bring about.

Hadn't even considered testing people. I watch, too often now, for the differences between what they say and that what they do.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Ynot said:


> Red flags are relative to each of us for the most part. So, with perfume and make up you may see high maintenance, but someone else might see it as taking care of themselves. For me, red flags are things that make me uncomfortable in a not so good way. So when I feel boxed in or pressured, or feel like I am not the primary focus of attention I see read flags.
> 
> I am much more aware of my red flags than I was in the past. There are somethings that I refuse to overlook now that I did in the past.
> 1) Clingy, needy, looking for KISA.
> ...


I agree with almost all of your points but I don’t get the fitness bit.Some of the most unassuming people I know are also very fit.
I prefer someone who works out to get the figure they want rather than going under the knife to achieve the same results.
Being married to someone who’s hobby is triathlons I can assure you that high maintenance is the last thing I would call her.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

I totally agree with these:

Body Art(Tattoos/Body Piercings or Studs), Or

An Abnormal Penchant for Alcohol and/or Drugs And

If they refuse to show respect for God and deity!

I will add. 
No love for parents and family member. If I hear a person insulting their own family members, that is the end for me. 

Swearing is offensive to me. Laughing at a swearing comedian is equally offensive to me. 

Not keeping time is a no, no for me. 

Eating junk food such as McDonalds or similar is a definite no. I prefer people with an awareness of their own health. 

Smoking is a no.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> I totally agree with these:
> 
> Body Art(Tattoos/Body Piercings or Studs), Or
> 
> ...


I’ve read your other threads and may I make a suggestion?
Lighten up.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

For a potentially LTR, a few sessions with her parents and immediate family. Family Dynamics is extremely important.


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## Miserable1 (Dec 16, 2018)

andy1001 said:


> i always watched how a date treated the servers in restaurants or bars or anyone who they consider beneath them and that tells me what they are really like.
> Also if they tip badly or not at all i soon exited the relationship.


^^^ this, 100%!


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Spicy said:


> You’ve had a lot of good replies that I agree with already but I will add a few of the biggest ones for me:
> 
> -If they treat their family bad or are *completely estranged from them*
> -If they treat their friends badly, or have a lot of people they used to be friends with but now are not.
> ...


Sometimes there are very good reasons for this, just sayin'


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> I always watched how a date treated the servers in restaurants or bars or anyone who they consider beneath them and that tells me what they are really like.
> Also if they tip badly or not at all I soon exited the relationship.


Except in Britain where tipping is not considered the normal thing to do.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Except in Britain where tipping is not considered the normal thing to do.


Ain’t that the truth.
I was in a bar in Orlando one night and got talking to a couple from Newcastle,they had arrived that day on vacation.They were amazed at how cheap the beer and the food was,less than half what they paid back home.I explained to them that tipping is customary if not compulsory,especially in Orlando with the very low minimum wage.
Their tab for the evening which included food and numerous drinks came to $69.85
They left seventy bucks and told the server to keep the change!
The server (who was a young girl) gave them back their fifteen cents and then asked them had there been a problem with the service.The guy got really angry and told her it wasn’t his job to pay her wages and to get a better job if she wanted more money.
The manager came over and asked him to stop shouting and to please leave.He also told them not to come back.
They left with him still shouting the odds about ****ing Americans trying to scam tourists.
The funny thing was the manager then comped my and my dates tab because of the disturbance caused by the Brits.😁

Edit to add.I spend a fair amount of time in the UK and if I’m in a bar I always buy the barman or barmaid a drink when I order the first round.Service is always expedient after that.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> Ain’t that the truth.
> I was in a bar in Orlando one night and got talking to a couple from Newcastle,they had arrived that day on vacation.They were amazed at how cheap the beer and the food was,less than half what they paid back home.I explained to them that tipping is customary if not compulsory,especially in Orlando with the very low minimum wage.
> Their tab for the evening which included food and numerous drinks came to $69.85
> They left seventy bucks and told the server to keep the change!
> ...


Yep. Offering to buy them a drink is something I do. It's just the right thing.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Except in Britain where tipping is not considered the normal thing to do.


Years ago I stopped at a motorway service area. There was a sign "No Tipping", screw that I'll leave a gratuity if I feel like it. 

Next to that was an equally perplexing sign, "No Football Coaches". Huh, I'm sure they won't use their whistles inside.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

religious
anti-science
doesn't love the outdoors
low libido


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

CharlieParker said:


> Years ago I stopped at a motorway service area. There was a sign "No Tipping", screw that I'll leave a gratuity if I feel like it.
> 
> Next to that was an equally perplexing sign, "No Football Coaches". Huh, I'm sure they won't use their whistles inside.


I’m not sure if you are joking or not but the no coaches sign meant buses.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> I’m not sure if you are joking or not but the no coaches sign meant buses.


Yes, I figured that one out on my own, but for the "no tipping" I need an interpreter, "no dumping".


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> I agree with almost all of your points but I don’t get the fitness bit.Some of the most unassuming people I know are also very fit.
> I prefer someone who works out to get the figure they want rather than going under the knife to achieve the same results.
> Being married to someone who’s hobby is triathlons I can assure you that high maintenance is the last thing I would call her.


I didn't just say fit. I said OVERLY fit. There is nothing wrong with having a hobby, but if you are going to be in the gym 6-8 hours a day it kind of raises a red flag in regards to a relationship. If they aren't training for something, it screams of narcissism. If they are training for something, then THAT is their primary focus and not you or a relationship. 
I am all for everybody taking care of themselves, but some people over do. I should also add that some people don't even make the effort. The turn some age and decide whatever they were is as good as they were ever going to get and just let themselves go.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Except in Britain where tipping is not considered the normal thing to do.


It is normal here. Most of us will tip 10% when we eat out. More if we think the service was very good.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> Ain’t that the truth.
> I was in a bar in Orlando one night and got talking to a couple from Newcastle,they had arrived that day on vacation.They were amazed at how cheap the beer and the food was,less than half what they paid back home.I explained to them that tipping is customary if not compulsory,especially in Orlando with the very low minimum wage.
> Their tab for the evening which included food and numerous drinks came to $69.85
> They left seventy bucks and told the server to keep the change!
> ...


They weren't the norm at all. We always tip when we eat out as do most here in the UK. 10% is pretty standard here.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> I’ve read your other threads and may I make a suggestion?
> Lighten up.


Seconded.


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## AlphaMale74 (Oct 15, 2014)

This: https://www.girlschase.com/content/spotting-and-avoiding-cluster-b-women


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> They weren't the norm at all. We always tip when we eat out as do most here in the UK. 10% is pretty standard here.


I’ve been told the further north you go in the UK the less generous the population are.
I’m sure it’s only a rumor that copper wire was invented by two Scots men fighting over a penny.😂


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I would say 10% is normal in the UK in restaurants or for a haircut or a taxi. I don't tip bar staff ... do people do that?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Red Sonja said:


> Sometimes there are very good reasons for this, just sayin'


I guess, but it's still kind of a red flag. It would need some careful scrutiny.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

john117 said:


> For a potentially LTR, a few sessions with her parents and immediate family. Family Dynamics is extremely important.


Agree - my wife has a sister who is nothing more than a drama queen and a mooch who has caused many problems (she's also a master blame-shifter as nothing is ever her fault). My wife knows that she's this way but she still defends her, and I have to watch what I say. When my wife brings her up, I just nod my head. Her own kids know she's a PITA.


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