# Depression and premature FEMALE orgasm



## Antman (Oct 19, 2013)

Hi all, just wondering if anyone can offer any experience or advice here.
My wife has been displaying quite a few fairly classic symptoms of depression for some time now.
Both of us have experienced a suicidal point in our lives prior to meeting each other. In her case, it was after her previous boyfriend hung himself on the night that she refused to get back together with him. Pretty horrible stuff really.
It's reached a point where I decided to go and see a psychologist.
She (the psych) agrees that some form of intervention or treatment may be required - particularly given that my wife doesn't recognise any of this as abnormal and when asked, says "I've always been like this".... as if her quality of life can't be any better than it is.......
What I'm looking for is some clarity in the interest of speeding up the recovery process.
I mentioned to the psych that my wifes orgasms are weak (she's NOT faking). I also pointed out that they occur within 3 minutes of penetration and that they occur in the same time period when she uses her vibrator. I also mentioned that my wife has a "point of no return" - much like a man.
My wife has also pointed out that she can't actually prevent her orgasms from happening, even if she thinks about something else, something far less erotic.
The psych suggested that all of this can sometimes be caused by a lack of serotonin.
If this is the case, it seems that an SSRI of some description would be the logical place to start.
Obviously there would probably be some CBT involved in all of this I presume.
Now, before anyone decides to jump down my throat with something like "your wifes depressed and your MAJOR concern is her orgasms - WTF!!" Please note that this is the least of my concerns but it may prove to be helpful in her treatment. eg. get the right drug the first time rather than mucking around with various stuff for months on end with no results.
My question is -
Are there any women out there who've experienced this?
Did SSRI's help in the treatment?
Anything further to add?


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## MaBi123 (Nov 28, 2013)

I have dealt with depression most of my life. I have been on and off a few different drugs which have not helped. I have not been to therapy and I think a combination of medication and therapy is much better than just popping a pill. 

It's understandable that your wife doesn't recognize the problem. For the past few years I have been on autopilot, just numb. I stopped going on Facebook for 4 years, then logged back on one day. Seeing pictures of myself from 4 years ago I felt like I have been living in a black hole for 4 years and I didn't even realize it. I didn't even realize that the time has flown by.

An intervention of some sort may be the only way she will see that things CAN get better.

As for the orgasms, I always orgasm pretty quickly. I've just always been that way. But premature orgasms for a woman is not the same as it is for a man. Women can continue going on and enjoying sex and possibly having another orgasm. Does your wife make you stop or something?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Depression can cause all sorts of sexual dysfunction, and treating the cause rather than the symptom is the way to go. SSRIs mask the symptoms and exacerbate sexual dysfunction in both sexes (in males they are renowned for causing ED) and, IMO, therapy is usually a better option.


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

I agree that the meds may only mask the symptoms instead of getting to the root cause, while I think is software (bad thinking or thought processes or attitudes). In that case, therapy with a good Psychologist (no drugs) may help to change her point of view, her attitudes about this, her understanding.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I don't understand. You want it to be harder for your wife to orgasm? Why?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

norajane said:


> I don't understand. You want it to be harder for your wife to orgasm? Why?


This confuses me a little, too... When I was depressed I wasn't interested in sex, period. As for orgasms, they were non-existent!

OP, your W certainly needs some sort of help for her depression, but I wouldn't focus too much on _how_ she orgasms right now. The fact that she wants sex at the moment is a positive, so rather enjoy what you have together and encourage her to get the help that she needs with her depression. Too much pressure from you regarding her orgasms could result in her not wanting sex at all.


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## Antman (Oct 19, 2013)

Sorry, I may have overstated the simplicity of what I'm seeing here. The orgasm thing is just a possible means of working out the correct treatment.
Here's what I see:
Walks around both in the house and in public with head bent forward - looking at the ground.
The house is more or less in full disarray, but she has an issue with the floors being clean. This is her sole focus.
If she's asleep when I enter the room, she will wake with a startled gasp.
Insists on sleeping on the side of the bed nearest the door - I suspect it has to do with being able to escape faster rather than for protective reasons.
Spends more money than we have, on things we don't need.
Is HYPERvigilant about the kids well being.
Has recurring dreams of our eldest child drowning.
Has "restless legs".
Is always fatigued. Her legs ache.
Seems to get headaches quite frequently.
Needs alcohol in the house.
Has sex like a robot. No playfulness at all.
Overuses medical practitioners.
Constantly questions the advice they give her........
There's more of course but I think this shows the picture.
Very irregular and sometimes absent periods, even though she's on the pill.
Frequent urination, even during the night
Wakes up exhausted, every single day.
Never jokes with me, only ever tells me how ****/stressful her day was.
Suffered pre-eclampsia during both pregnancies.
Refused to breastfeed
Had to go through caesarian section with both pregnancies - possibly due to anxiety caused by vaginal birth

The list goes on and on


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Antman, how's the wife? I hod no libido while depressed, and when on antidepressants. I wonder if you've had her thyroid checked? That can cause depression, too. 
I'm about to go back on them after 2 years off. I wish her and you luck. Hugs to you for hanging in there with her. It's not easy, I'm sure.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Anti-depressants help men with premature ejaculation, so perhaps there is a correlation with her fast O's. Though I am not sure why this is a big problem, unless she wants to stop at that point. Her other issues sound much more serious, the obsession with the kids health etc, she may very well benefit from medication. 

She should be evaluated medically for depression, that is necessary.


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