# Questions on Relationships.



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

WHat is the biggest problem in your relationship that you wish you could wave a wand and fix?

draconis


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## lovemywife (Oct 10, 2007)

intamacy being number 1 
closeness 
minor trust issues 

the fact we have very little time for quality alone time

this list could grow very quickly


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Believe it or not the only issue I have with my wife is she is domesticly challenged.

draconis


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## tater03 (Jun 29, 2007)

I would have to say being able to be on the same page when it comes to finances. We look at budgeting totally differently.


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## tammi (Oct 8, 2007)

for me it was honesty and trust,


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## is it me? (Oct 24, 2007)

respect 
appreciation
openess and honesty without being persecuted


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

is it me? said:


> respect


Do you feel like your wife doesn't respect you?

draconis


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

If I could really wave a magic wand and change something, it would be myself.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

evenow said:


> If I could really wave a magic wand and change something, it would be myself.


what is it you want to change about yourself that you don't think you can?

draconis


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

Honestly, I'd have to think about it. I just feel wrong sometimes. My husband feels like the perfect man (whose only real issues work in my favor). 

_I_ don't feel right in the relationship.


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## Doubt&Wonder (Oct 29, 2007)

draconis said:


> WHat is the biggest problem in your relationship that you wish you could wave a wand and fix?



TRUST 

INTIMACY 

SEX


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Once trust is lost it is so hard to get it back.

draconis


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## miss.kitty (Oct 30, 2007)

draconis said:


> WHat is the biggest problem in your relationship that you wish you could wave a wand and fix?
> 
> draconis


I don't know. I think one big thing is that my husband works two full time physically draining jobs. We're not at a point where he can quit them or one of them right now though. 

If I could wave a wand, he'd only have one job within normal hours.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

Not enough time alone with sweatpea (we have 2kids)


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Grand parents saved my wife and I! Thank the stars for close family.

draconis


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## kajira (Oct 4, 2007)

If you want to inflict change in a realtionship you have to first look at yourself and see what is that you can change or accept about yourself. Woman have the tendency to want to "fix" others and that is our nature. We ourselves may be the one that needs fixing. I may sound cynical, however, we as individuals have to be happy with ourselves and when we are not that is very hard to admit and it is easier to blame others...


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

kajira said:


> If you want to inflict change in a realtionship you have to first look at yourself and see what is that you can change or accept about yourself. Woman have the tendency to want to "fix" others and that is our nature. We ourselves may be the one that needs fixing. I may sound cynical, however, we as individuals have to be happy with ourselves and when we are not that is very hard to admit and it is easier to blame others...


I have what may be a stupid question. What if what you really want to fix is yourself? It's actually a lot harder to blame myself for everything that happens and I'm not sure that is too healthy either....


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

evenow said:


> I have what may be a stupid question. What if what you really want to fix is yourself? It's actually a lot harder to blame myself for everything that happens and I'm not sure that is too healthy either....


I think that is what she was saying. Instead of blaming everything on other people you need to fix your problems first before you should try to fix others.

Just how I read it. If I read it right I think it is good advice all the way around.

draconis


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

draconis said:


> I think that is what she was saying. Instead of blaming everything on other people you need to fix your problems first before you should try to fix others.
> 
> Just how I read it. If I read it right I think it is good advice all the way around.
> 
> draconis


Whoops. I type stupid when tired.

I meant it's harder for me to blame others, and easier for me to blame myself for everything. I can't tell if something is genuinely my fault or not anymore. 

It creates a weird sort of situation where I'd like to be almost anyone else other than myself.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

evenow said:


> I have what may be a stupid question. What if what you really want to fix is yourself? It's actually a lot harder to blame myself for everything that happens and I'm not sure that is too healthy either....





evenow said:


> Whoops. I type stupid when tired.
> 
> I meant it's harder for me to blame others, and easier for me to blame myself for everything. I can't tell if something is genuinely my fault or not anymore.
> 
> It creates a weird sort of situation where I'd like to be almost anyone else other than myself.


My bad for reading it wrong.

There is never a need to shoulder all blame. Taking what is yours is normally more then one can handle and one person alone doesn't make a good relationship for long.

draconis


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## kajira (Oct 4, 2007)

To clarify, woman have a tendancy to be the "fixers" of issues, things etc. However, when it comes to 'fixing" ourselves we sell ourselves short.


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

kajira said:


> However, when it comes to 'fixing" ourselves we sell ourselves short.


What do you mean by this?


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

To me the biggest problem in my relationship is LACK OF ROMANCE (only after having kids so dont know if this is permanent or temp) and MIL, she simply pisses me off when it comes to my husband and kids...................she had never acknowledged me (or anyother DILs) as her family and most of the time i spend a few minutes with her i will end up hurt. This has caused numerous quarrels and problems between me and husband. I dont know if she needs fixing or I!!!!! But like its said in this thread, i'll try and fix myself instead of trying to fix her.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Thewife said:


> To me the biggest problem in my relationship is LACK OF ROMANCE (only after having kids so dont know if this is permanent or temp) and MIL, she simply pisses me off when it comes to my husband and kids...................she had never acknowledged me (or anyother DILs) as her family and most of the time i spend a few minutes with her i will end up hurt. This has caused numerous quarrels and problems between me and husband. I dont know if she needs fixing or I!!!!! But like its said in this thread, i'll try and fix myself instead of trying to fix her.


First give her 3-6 months. But shower her with love during that time. Romance is more then just sex. I am sure after a long day she'd want to put the kid(s) down and cuddle while watching a girly movie.

Side benifit to girly movies are they have all kinds of romance, love and passion in them, what a thing to share!

draconis


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

Thewife said:


> To me the biggest problem in my relationship is LACK OF ROMANCE (only after having kids so dont know if this is permanent or temp) and MIL, she simply pisses me off when it comes to my husband and kids...................she had never acknowledged me (or anyother DILs) as her family and most of the time i spend a few minutes with her i will end up hurt. This has caused numerous quarrels and problems between me and husband. I dont know if she needs fixing or I!!!!! But like its said in this thread, i'll try and fix myself instead of trying to fix her.


If there's a lack of romance between you and your husband, that's probably something you'll need to take seriously and work out with him. I don't think it's going to get better on it's own.

And a MIL problem is rarely a MIL problem. It's usually a husband problem in disguise.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

Draconis,
U mean I shower MIL with love??? sorry i dont understand your reply that well, can u clarify Many thanks! If u want me to shower her with love, I think its pretty hard for me keke....

Evenow,
I totally agree with u, MIL problem is not really MIL problem its definitely to do with DH! 

I m working on the romance part but so far it didnt get anywhere..........


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Thewife ~ Sorry I must have been in two frames of mind when I wrote that and one wasn't on this planet.

Treat the mother-in-law with respect if you argue your DH will have to chosoe sides and by the sounds of it you would lose by default.

Communicate to your husband that it takes two for a succesful marriage and to raise kids. That you have been waiting for him to step up to the plate.

"Til death do you part." Should not be something to look forward to.

draconis


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

draconis,
Thanks for the clarification, I guess i have too many things on my mind..........perhaps i should tackle one at a time For now i m just going to shut my ears to whatever MIL says and pretend to repect her..........thats all i can do for now.


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## riskey58 (Oct 30, 2007)

I guess I would have to say that it would be financial agreements. We just don't seem to think alike when it comes to this.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

riskey58 said:


> I guess I would have to say that it would be financial agreements. We just don't seem to think alike when it comes to this.


How do you normally handle it?

draconis


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## MAgirl (May 3, 2008)

draconis said:


> WHat is the biggest problem in your relationship that you wish you could wave a wand and fix?
> 
> draconis


Husband swears I dont need to lose weight, but I would lose weight if i could wave a wand.. 20 - 30 lbs.. I think me being self-conscious prohibits some things in our marriage


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

MAgirl said:


> Husband swears I dont need to lose weight, but I would lose weight if i could wave a wand.. 20 - 30 lbs.. I think me being self-conscious prohibits some things in our marriage


Diet and exorcise is always the safest way but also look to see if stress or lifestyle are getting in your way. I too am looking to lose weight mostly medical but just the same I'd feel better if I had the body I once did even if I can't use it like I should.

draconis


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## Russell (Apr 10, 2008)

If there were a magic wand I could wave to fix my marriage with my wife.... it would be the past three years. I want them all back in order to rededicate myself to her... and avoid the whole crissis before it happened. I was the problem.

Oh yhea, and MAgirl.... 20-30 pounds? Comeon, thats not really a lot. Might be on the border of overweight, depending on your hight... but if your over 5'6"... diet and exercise is the key. I recomend a daily dietary calorie counting regimen. If you want to lose weight, its a lifestyle change, not just a diet.

Eat A LOT of rice. And eat it before your main course. Like a salad. And give Adkins some nuts and bolts, cuz he'll skrew ya (on a side note, anyone hear that he died from a lack of carbohydrates? He fell and broke his hip, and bled out from the injury. He didn't have enough hemoglobin in his blood to clot the wound. I feel for the hemopheliacs in the world). 

If you want to loose the weight FAST and see immediate results.... this is the way you go about doing it.


1. 1000 calories a day, no more. 
2. Run at least 3-4 miles a day.
3. Do some push ups (lifts your bust), sit ups, (firms your tummy) and squats with a low weight (20 pounds held near your chest) about 5 minutes will work your legs and glutes.

Don't tell me it don't work. I ate a chicken salad every lunch (and I used full flavor dressing... you MUST have some fat in your diet or you will die), a bowl of cereal even at a double serving is only 300 calories and rather filling, and that 300 calories includes one cup of skim milk. For dinner I had something with rice, usually a lean meat. You wonder why Asians are so skinny? Rice is the reason... lo cal, high carb (good energy), and a lot of protien in seafood. My only problem was finding something to season the rice with. Worchestershire does a nice job. Although... Italian Dressing does nicely as well.

Yes, I've lost 40 pounds in a month. From 225 to 185, and I am six foot even. Gimme another 20 pounds and I will go back up to 1800 calories a day, however still maintain rice in my diet full time. I looked GOOD at 165... a well cut and toned man.


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## pigpen (May 5, 2008)

draconis said:


> WHat is the biggest problem in your relationship that you wish you could wave a wand and fix?
> 
> draconis


I wish we were both more confident. I believe the fault finding and inertia in my marriage are because we are not emotionally mature people. I dont know that being emotionally mature would have helped all that much. But being more confident with myself I would have put up with a lot less bull *** over the years.


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