# Signs of Progress



## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

What are some of your signs that you are finally making progress? I'll go first. 

This will be the 3rd Christmas since my divorce. This morning, for the first time since, I put up my Christmas tree and brought out all my Christmas decorations! I couldn't bring myself to do it the last two Christmases. 

That is progress!


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I think the most memorable one was when I could wake up and honestly not give a crap what or who my ex was doing haha.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

My goal is complete indifference to the ex's presence. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm much closer than I was two years ago.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Pluto2 said:


> My goal is complete indifference to the ex's presence. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm much closer than I was two years ago.


I am at a point where we can talk and joke and be fine with mine. He mentions a date and I just don't care lol. It may sound weird, but I think not having to care about what he is doing/who he is doing is actually a huge relief for me.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Although I dispise my x, and with good reason, I am able to communicate and co parent with Her very well. Out of all my friends I have the best realtionship with my x of anyone. I never thought that would be possible and I don't know how long it will last but for now this is a huge step for me


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I think the best sign for me was when I could suggest something to her about the kids and realize that I was the one who was being in control of the conversation. 
Silently listening and not engaging her and not WANTING to.
I dance between her potential blades with quiet knowledge and grace. 
Minimal movement is all that is required and I avoid the edges while maintaining my balance.
I do not need to move with huge, expensive, moves. Just enough to avoid the point and the edge.
In the end, I have made my point.
I have danced in and out of her defenses and emerge with nary a hair out of place.

Then, in the ultimate “win”, I remove myself from the area.

By giving her no target to engage…she cannot engage…and I cannot lose.
It takes two to fight...and I have just left her standing there.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

This Christmas is light years different than last year. Last year I didn't put up a tree. I didn't send out Christmas cards. My kids had very few presents. I didn't feel I had anything to be grateful for when we sat around the Thanksgiving table. This year, even though my financial situation and love life are essentially the same, I feel happy and hopeful.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

Thanksgiving - stopping by to see her grandmother when I dropped off my DD and talking about the fun time we had cooking together without losing it.

Christmas - DD and I went a bought a new tree for "us". Even though there will not be a true Christmas morning this year as in years past with all of the kids, I hung all of the stockings just as if they all would be here.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I think one of the interesting signs of progress is my evening commute. My XH and I work within several blocks of one another, but I work a regular 9-5 (with sometimes late hours, depending on work load) and my XH works nights, starting at 6 or 6:30. For years, we used the same subway station, and would regularly meet at a coffee shop nearby in the evening before he started his shift.

During the separation up through the divorce, I avoided that subway station completely, using other stations/different lines that were further away on foot or created longer train rides, just so I could avoid seeing him. A few months after the divorce, I decided that was ridiculous, and went back to using the original subway station, but via a different entrance that was a slightly longer walk. 

About six months ago, I decided that he didn't own the subway station, and I was going to use whichever entrance I damn well pleased. But I was always on the lookout as I was walking towards the subway, so I could cut across the street or duck into a shop if I saw him coming, but that never happened.

And at some point--I'm not sure when exactly it happened--I just stopped being on the lookout. I just stopped caring. I don't know when it happened, because when you stop caring, you stop noticing.

Funny thing about that is... this past Monday, just a couple days ago, I walked past him about a block from the subway. I didn't even notice him until he passed within a few feet of me. He had become just another face in the crowd. 

Did he see me? Maybe he did, and was just ignoring me... he got really good at doing that while we were married. I don't know, doesn't really matter.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

I have not gotten to the "not even caring" stage but the concept is no longer foreign to me. I honestly believed I would never get there. I can now see that it will probably happen one day. I still think about him (and dream about him) way too much but not all the time like I did. I think I will survive this divorce after all!


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Baseballmom6 said:


> I have not gotten to the "not even caring" stage but the concept is no longer foreign to me. I honestly believed I would never get there. I can now see that it will probably happen one day. I still think about him (and dream about him) way too much but not all the time like I did. I think I will survive this divorce after all!


There will most likely always be a bit of you that cares, but the hurt will diminish and eventually you will learn to ride over it. You MAY even get to apoint where you can remeber good things about the relationship without feeling hurt or loss.

One thing I know.

You WILL get there.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> About six months ago, I decided that he didn't own the subway station, and I was going to use whichever entrance I damn well pleased. But I was always on the lookout as I was walking towards the subway, so I could cut across the street or duck into a shop if I saw him coming, but that never happened.
> 
> And at some point--I'm not sure when exactly it happened--I just stopped being on the lookout. I just stopped caring. I don't know when it happened, because when you stop caring, you stop noticing.
> 
> ...


I SOOOO love this.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

I liked every one of the situations I can relate myself to. Not being the last and first person I think about every day before going to sleep and waking up is also one I have experienced since like 2 months ago. Not feeling the need to call, text him to share something also. Not answering every mail he sents (regarding money) also. Before I used to want to know everything that was happening at the office. Now, I just feel the need to change the subject when I listen to something. Wishing him good... several things have happened and I just cant believe how things change and you really move forward.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

You guys are giving me hope that I will one day get to where I need to be. xx


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## TroyN (Jan 24, 2014)

Seeing new photos of them and being * bored* by what you are seeing. I can't believe I finally reached this point and it feels pretty good.


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## Greg1515 (Nov 30, 2012)

I had always left the door open for my wife to come back, regardless of what she did. No questions asked. However I told myself that once the divorce was finalized I would never even think of reconciling. 

I realized I made progress the day I got her first email post divorce and I sent it straight to the delete folder without reading it.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

TroyN said:


> Seeing new photos of them and being * bored* by what you are seeing. I can't believe I finally reached this point and it feels pretty good.


That's actually pretty great! Glad you made it!


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