# Kids and divorce



## JohnDoe2012 (Nov 29, 2012)

I am miserable in m marriage,I have tried everything to save it and nothing has worked, I am close to filing for divorce now. I worry about my teen daughter (only child). Is there anyone that could tell me that there kids are just fine post-divorce? Is there any advice you could give me?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Had two children to my first wife. Marriage was not good. Divorce was tough on all of us. Daughter will be 27 on March 28th. She has a four year degree in psychology. She has two children. She is married to an electrical engineer. She is fine.

My son is 22, he will be 23 in September. He is going to college. He is working at the same time. He is doing the best he can. I don't worry too much.

It is difficult no matter what we do, for everyone involved. It can be fine. My daughter was six and son almost 3 when we split. You can only do so much. I did the best I could. If you stay in her life as much as possible, that will help. Read some books and prepare yourself. Don't be too nasty with the ex. Provide what you can and let your daughter be herself with guidance. You can't ask for more than that. No one likes it, but sometimes it is better to be apart than to be together. You don't want her to think marriage is supposed to be between two people who don't love or care for each other. That would be worse, I think.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Make nice with your ex. You have to be able to work together to parent your daughter. Keep the lines of communication open so that she doesn't manipulate either one of you by saying "But Mom said I could..." etc.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

WomanScorned said:


> Make nice with your ex. You have to be able to work together to parent your daughter. Keep the lines of communication open so that she doesn't manipulate either one of you by saying "But Mom said I could..." etc.


THIS. 

Also...be honest with your daughter, about anything that she asks you about. Be flexible with her and your ex, she is a teenager, not a six year old. Dont burden her with your issues, and be sure your ex does the same. Remember, she is your daughter, not your wife. She will take a lot of her cues from the two of you, and if you act like its the end of the world, then thats how she is going to feel.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Don't talk bad about your STBXH to your daughter. Don't worry about it, she'll adjust. Do what you have to do and make sure you let her now that she still has two parents who love her. 

Keep it civil and polite with your STBXH and keep your daughter's best interests in mind as you go thru the divorce process. 

I have two teenagers..18 and 15. My STBXH and I are still friendly and cordial. You need to think of your kids first, your own needs second.


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## JohnDoe2012 (Nov 29, 2012)

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful responses. You have given me hope.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Kids are resilient, she'll be fine. Make sure she knows you're there for her, don't diss the ex, don't undermine each other, don't allow her to play you off against each other. You are still her parents and she needs boundaries. Don't allow guilt to make you more lenient than would be anyway


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## JohnDoe2012 (Nov 29, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> Kids are resilient, she'll be fine. Make sure she knows you're there for her, don't diss the ex, don't undermine each other, don't allow her to play you off against each other. You are still her parents and she needs boundaries. Don't allow guilt to make you more lenient than would be anyway


Thank you again. Luckily for me, she is a real good kid, not just saying that because she is my daughter. Her teachers routinely tell us what a respectful and well-behaved kid she is, that she is quiet but confident. She is an honor roll student in honors classes at a difficult private prep school. She deserved better :'(.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Make sure the school knows, they can keep an eye out just in case it does adversely affect her


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