# How do I survive this?



## thestruggle (Nov 5, 2010)

I'm happy to find this forum, because I tells me I'm not alone. I hate the feeling inside whenever I'm sitting quiet, needing to concentrate and get my work done. 

I feel so alone right now that my marriage is falling apart.
My spouse has been my best friend and all my time was spent around her. I've have acquaintances at work but no real friends I hang out with often. 

I'm spending a lot of time at work now, because I don't want to go home. What's the point of going home when it's so unpleasant there around her? Most of the time she's not coming home until late either.

How do I handle this? Anyone have suggestions? The idea of feeling like this for 12 months until divorce is overwhelming.
I only see a future of separation and divorce ahead. 

She doesn't sleep in our bed anymore. We haven't made love in months, nor does she kiss or touch me. She blames me for this, but I've always made the effort to reach out and hold her and give her affection, but she doesn't reciprocate. Often she just starts to snap at me within minutes of me being affectionate.
Lately she doesn't say anything to me. When she did last, she invented pathetic little things that aren't even true. Other things she blames me for, she does more often than I do. I think she does this just so she can have something to blame me for. I'll sum it up by saying, the list of problems we have together is immense. 

Thanks for reading my post.


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

Why is she acting this way all of a sudden? What is she blaming you for? Your wife sounds a bit liek my husband, ahrdly sleeps with me, doesn't show affection.

Does she have unresolved issues?


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## thestruggle (Nov 5, 2010)

> Why is she acting this way all of a sudden?


A fight last week, but a lot of this has been ongoing / repeated for years. 



> What is she blaming you for?


Because I tried to talk with her about her not being affectionate in response to my affections shown towards her the past few months. Her lame reasoning was that it was my fault. The blame was placed on me for minor things like, interrupting her. 
Invented untrue reasons about the day before that have nothing to do with the past two months. 



> Does she have unresolved issues?


Yes, unresolved issues with me. We've been to counseling, but lately she seems less interested in going. I think it's because shes afraid the real issues (underlying causes of our failing marriage) are starting to become obvious.

Her personal issues, many. She talks about them then denies them. It's like sometimes she can admit her personal issues only a tiny bit, sometimes. The rest of the time she goes back to acting like I'm mean for openly talking with her about such things. just a few personality ussues; depression, anxiety, moods, major PMS problem, body food obsession, OCD like behaviors and a narcissist.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Man, you are in a tough spot and you need to start acting NOW. This is my first post on this forum, but I intend to post my story over the weekend sometime. I also have an idea regarding how I'd like to help others and possibly find some healing for myself as well.

Anyways, I think one thing that someone in your position needs more than anything in the world is someone to talk to, someone who has been, or is in a similar situation. I'm not a therapist, I don't have everything figured out, but I have been in your situation, my situation went on further and got a LOT worse, and you might still have time to turn things around. And really it is SO worth it. If you are interested, feel free to send me a message here or an e-mail or whatever and I will pass you my phone number and perhaps we can chat this weekend.

-Chris


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## thestruggle (Nov 5, 2010)

Wow, thanks everyone. I've had some interesting chats here already this evening. Reading and replying about what everyone is going through has been both eye opening and comforting. Thanks everyone for your thoughtfulness. I'm looking forward to future chats.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Do you think she might be cheating? You said she is coming home later and seems to be picking fights with you. These may be signs of cheating, can you do a little digging?


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## thestruggle (Nov 5, 2010)

It possible, but I can't think of ways to really find out more. We lead very separate lives. Every now and then discretely check her cell phone for frequent texts / missed numbers... nothing looks suspicious there. 
I know for sure she's got a bad habit of immediately after we fight, checking old boyfriend's page on f-book and flirty co workers, and has emailed them. I saw her browsing history. But now she knows so she's perhaps more private about it?


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## geo (Oct 29, 2010)

I too am a little further into similar sounding situation, sounds like your both avoiding each other. The therapy is a good start, as long as the therapist is a good one.(mine was pretty useless in my opinion, learned more about what is happened/ happening from a book). you may want a second opinion from another. If anything you need to figure out what makes you feel right again.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Are you already going throught with the divorce?

She may be acting this way b/c you are going throught with the D and resents not tring to work things out.

Or!

She has in her mind made you out to be the worst husband in the world, and now can justify her behavior. What ever she is doing, it makes her feel guilty, so quess what, if you become the bad guy then its not so bad for her and her betrails are valitadated in her mind. 

Just something to think about.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It sounds like she know how to cover her tracks well. A cheap way to investigate her behavior, is to have a family member follow her. I dont usauly trust any one when it come to matters of the heart, so pros are the best but they cost alot.

If you can find the time off of work and can afford a rental car you can always follow her your self. Don't forget the camera.

The easiest way is GPS. Then you can find her when ever you want.
If you found this web site, you can find some way to track her and then you can get the answers


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## thestruggle (Nov 5, 2010)

the guy said:


> Are you already going throught with the divorce?
> 
> She may be acting this way b/c you are going throught with the D and resents not tring to work things out.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thestruggle (Nov 5, 2010)

This sounds very right. Good insight. Right now I believe its the first example you gave, although I'm not persuing it, she thinks I don't care about her. I figure that she is going to walk out again, and doesn't care about me. 

That seems accurate. Perhaps things are looking up then. I'm trying a little positive gesture here and there to test the water with her, to see how she responds. 
Thanks everyone for your thoughtful insight, and compassion the past few days. It has helped to read and respond here to gain some perpective, and realize I'm not, alone. Thankyou all!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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