# Wife talking to co-worker online



## Lat (Apr 26, 2009)

My wife started a new job about 1.5 years ago. She has been at home with the kids for 10 years only working off and on. For the last couple of months she has been messaging and e.mailing a male co-worker, not daily but close.

I told her I was ok with it which I was but I've also read most of what they say unknown to her. She uses our common e.mail which I could read any time if I wanted but she doesn't know that I have read her instant message conversations. When she first started work she didn't like this person because they were loud and a bit vulgar. Overtime they have become friends though.

For about a week now she has been using a webcam, which I set up for her so I'm to blame there, and this is where I got uncomfortable. Not that they did or do anything inappropriate over the webcam but I didn't feel comfortable dropping by and looking over her shoulder when this guy is staring back at me. I use to do that and it often reassured me that nothing was wrong and that I could be part of this experience by reading and discussing with my wife.

2 nights ago when she was on the webcam and I didn't want to invade I msn'd her from our other computer that I felt left out. We were both drinking which didn't help. She talked back to me but didn't seem to get the point or care much. It escalated and eventually I left telling her to call me when she was done. I could only stand it about 20 minutes without getting a call so I called her a very rudely told her to get off the computer. I came home, she got off the computer. I yelled at her, cried, discussed etc for a few hours. She felt bad and we went to bed. 

All along I didn't want to be controlling and figured it was a good thing for her to have more friends since she's been stuck at home taking care of the kids for so long. After that fight she spoke to him briefly the next day and I wasn't as ok with it as I use to be. I didn't bring it up yesterday because with me these things have a habit of turning into a long drawn out fight or something and she had to get a good nights sleep for a half marathon today. I plan to talk to her about it when she gets home or tonight. 

Any thoughts or advice on my situation? I welcome comments about my part in this as well.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Id start by telling her you love her and that you are concerned about the amount of time she is spending on line with her co worker. Ask her if she feel supported emotionaly because its very easy to look for emotional support from else where.
Dont let it turn into a shouting match keep calm and listen to what she has to say even if you dont like what you hear .

Be honest with what worrys you and talk to each other face to face not via msn 
good luck


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

We all want to trust our spouses. We all want to feel secure in our relationship and enable our partners to express their own individual interests and needs.
However ...
Wanting to do the right thing can invariably lead to the wrong thing.
What's this guy's deal? Married? Single?
At the point where your spouse is fully enjoying the regular attentions of a male that isn't you? You have a problem. How you choose to address the problem will determine who your wife is talking to face-to-face a year or two from now.

The most important thing you should realize immediately, is that the other guy is not the problem. The relationship you have with your wife is.


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