# Trying to fight divorce



## Aforamanda08 (Apr 12, 2011)

My husband and I are young, I'm 21 and he is 19. We've been married for about 4 months now and our marriage is already falling apart. I caused the major problem. I lied to him openly to his face. I swore I was telling the truth as I lied. I have told him the truth now but he doesn't believe me. I don't blame him for not believing me. I don't even blame him for not trusting me. I have told him that I'm sorry multiple times and I am trying very hard to be a good wife and build the trust by being completely open with him about every little thing. Every time he brings up a problem or something I'm doing wrong I try my hardest to correct the problem and be better. Our other problem is that he recently cheated on me. He went over to a friend's house and made out with a girl. I don't want a divorce. I love him dearly and I love that we have a traditional family. I just don't know how to build the trust back for both of us.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

He has a hard time trusting you, in spite of the fact that he cheated on you? Do you two have children?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## akcroy (Dec 23, 2010)

I'm guessing what you had lied about was more serious than his cheating on you - but there's hardly anything more serious than cheating. 

I get the feeling that you're both young and haven't put much thought into your relationship... the two of you need to talk, get your priorities straight. You can't save your marriage by yourself.


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## Aforamanda08 (Apr 12, 2011)

Yes we have a 3 month old son. We are young. He's younger then me but it's never really been a problem before. I lied to him about the men in my past. We really want to make it work but we just don't know how.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What did you lie about?

Lying and cheating in a marriage = both bad.

Can you guys get marriage counselling?


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## Aforamanda08 (Apr 12, 2011)

I lied about the men I was with before we got together. We want to go to counseling but with a new baby money is really tight.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Look into resources for free or sliding-scale (based on income) services. Call your country and see if they have something, or perhaps a church you could attend. If either of you is a student, your school might have something, too.

Why is having a "traditional family" important to you? Do you feel more secure? You may need to explore your own emotional and psychological history some to get at the root of any issues you may have, and to deal with those. 

Your past is your past, and a mature man understands that and does not judge the person you are now by that past. At 19, your h may be too young to understand that every experience you've had adds up to make you "you." If he loves you for who you are--rather than for who he wants you to be, or who he imagined you to be, then he'll work on getting past the past (although the lying destroys trust, so don't do it again--you did it to avoid conflict, it sounds like, so fight that urge and accept conflict as a normal part of life; that doesn't mean "fighting," however.

There are good books at the library and resources online for helping you think about how to improve your marriage. Try marriagebuilders.com and make sure he reads what you read. You will not be happy if he shows little to no effort while you are putting a lot into it. Good luck.


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