# Lack of Adventurous Sex



## CityDude (Jun 4, 2013)

My wife and I have been together for 12 years and married for 9 years. Our relationship started with intense sexual chemistry and evolved into friendship and then a loving marriage. Now 50 and 48, our sex life has lost the "adventurous" activity that I need. Let me explain. Having worked in a conservative industry for 25 years, I enjoy the chance to let loose and explore my sexuality. The first 7 years of our relationship were just that- we had sex in hotel hot tubs, beaches, parking garages, stairwells, and even at Epcot. She blew me in Burberry's dressing room and a gondola. We saw a sex club on HBO Real Sex and visited it in Amsterdam. We role-played. We attended two sex parties in New York City. We went a week or two each year to nude beaches in Jamaica. She even hired an escort to manually service me for my birthday while she watched (and came before me I might add).

But all that has changed. She stopped using her mouth on me. Anal stopped. i'm not allowed to use my mouth on her. We have not been adventurous for the past 4 years. She even stopped dressing sexy for me more than a year ago. I have repeatedly explained my needs to her and how this led to infidelity in one previous relationship. I don't want to look elsewhere. I am still very much attracted to her, but I also have my needs. I even took her to Cabo and literally begged to go to Desire, but to no avail.

Other things that might be relevant. We only have kids part time, so we have plenty of together time. I still feel attractive, and yes I have gained some weight, but I still dress nice and am relatively evolved for a man. She constantly questions my fidelity, even though in all the experiences I mentioned above, I never once was with, or asked to be with, another woman. I feel mislead and a bit hopeless. Any comments are very much appreciated...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So why does she say all this has dried up?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

How long after she hired the escort did her adventurousness dry up?

Do you think it is possible that one of the situations you two engaged in triggered something from her past?

Where is she in terms of menopause?


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## CityDude (Jun 4, 2013)

Not sure I can correlate the timing. The economy sure had an impact on our travel budget in 2008-2010. More recently though, her comments have ranged from " we are too old", " I don't want to get caught", and " don't want to see old fat people". Menopause has been off and on the past 6 months or so.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

" don't want to see old fat people"

To me, that's a valid answer, as that is what you do see in sex clubs.

Not sure about the dry up of the rest, but I can totally understand this one.

Everyone I know (with only 1 exception) who was initially stoked to go to a sex club, came back saying "it was gross".


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

CityDude said:


> Not sure I can correlate the timing. The economy sure had an impact on our travel budget in 2008-2010. More recently though, her comments have ranged from " we are too old", " I don't want to get caught", and " don't want to see old fat people". Menopause has been off and on the past 6 months or so.


Couple possibilities here based on her comments.

Sit back with her, put on some soft music, pour a glass of wine. Tell her you would like to have an intimate discussion about your sex life past and present, to help you understand what she is feeling and how she feels about it.

Youre going to create a safe and comfortable environment in which she can really recall those good times and tell you how she feels about them with today's perspective.

I would ask her to remember those wild and crazy times you two had. When she looks back, and you may prompt her memory with a few special times, what does she feel about them now? Does she have any remorse, embarrassment, wish she hadn't done a few of those things?

You want to get her talking about those times as much as possible so avoid anything that might interrupt her flow.

Avoid making any kind of negative judgments about how she is today. And above all, avoid talk of other women. Focus on her and having her feel your intimate emotional connection, thus your love.

It's unusual for a woman to suddenly develop body image problems at her age. I am 50 and though well aware I do not have the body I once had, I only WISH I had this confidence in my body when I was younger! Most women get better with age, with regard to body image confidence. One of the things all my friends and me LOVE about being 50!

Thats why I think something must have triggered something from her past, or there has been a fresher trauma. It could also be a slight depression from hormonal fluctuations, but again, most women feel much stronger emotionally on this end of the age spectrum.

If she refuses to open up, she's going to need therapy. But you'll cross that bridge when and if you come to it. Weekend is coming up, get that wine chilling!


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