# Daddy Issues ... how to overcome?



## blondie2010 (Aug 31, 2010)

I am recently realizing that I do suffer from some daddy issues and I am struggling to let go of the pain.... My dad and mom are still married and I lived with both of my parents until 1 year after I graduated college. My dad was not good about telling me he loved me or was proud of me.. I see how I would keep trying to gain his approval by getting good grades (b/c he did), study business b/c he did, got my masters degree b/c he did, etc.... I was also raised to believe sex is bad and doing it before marriage makes me dirty... So, i have carried the shame that I had sexual encounters before I got married and now struggle with my husband. One thing that I keep hearing that my dad said to me when my first true love and I broke up was "get over it b/c it isn't the first time nor the last that you will get hurt".... so, i also use a victim mentality... 
I have saught and gotten attention from men for most of my adult life and have been able to justify it to myself that it is just friends, that i just want him to tell me i am doing a good job, i want him to just accept him and I don't feel judged... 
I also would hide this from my husband- some of that b/c of my justifications and some b/c of his behaviors- However, I realize I should never hide it from him... 
We had some serious issues for quite some time and have recently been working to reconcile however he doesn't feel I have dealt with my issues b/c I still don't like talking about my sexual past and he feels I still hide from him. He also doesn't beleive that I could be cutting off needing attention- 
In attempts to fix this issue within myself I have acknowledged it to myself and God, I pray about it every day and work to think of my husband every time I am around other men to think how would he feel if he was watching me... He doesn't beleive this can keep me from doing it... I learned my lesson by the fact he left me for a bit (and there were other issues on his part that contributed to his aka he has been verbally and physically abusive at times- but has been doing anger management to get it under control) 
How do I know if I am really looking at myself honestly about gaining attention or not? And How do i ensure for myself and my husband that I have and continue to deal with my issues? I am also working on things for myself (working two jobs I like, raising my kids, and helping others)


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## blondie2010 (Aug 31, 2010)

I also want to add that i have done a lot to avoid admitting I have these issues and worry that I am still justifying my actions... I have been able to tell myself that he is safe to talk to b/c he is married or it is safe b/c i know all i want from this, etc... I don't want to be able to do anything like that BUT i also dont want to be parinoid every time I open my mouth that a man is around - wondering if i am fooling myself and therefore not be able to be myself...


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Well, it seems like you put together ways in which you feel you needed more from your dad, but wasnt able to get it. My ex was that way, yet turned into her dad, a stone cold, affection-less person. 
I'd say, right now, to stop worrying yourself to death about it. 
STOP, sTOP StOp, sToP.....

Sometimes we create a lot of problems for ourselves overanalyzing each and every miniscule detail of things we perceive to be problems with us..
If you are not secretly texting dudes behind your husbands back, or having inappropriate interaction with them, then by all means, cut yourself some slack!!!!
Dont be so willing to buy into this perception of your husband's, that you need to fix a bunch of things "he" perceives are problems or potential problems...

You cant change your past. I think it is good to understand how the relationship with your dad could cause issues with you now, but if they arent, and you are handling business like you say, then I think you got it all under control, but might be letting this issue weigh tooooooo heavily on your life...

Dont let it be an issue. Give it absolutely no power anymore.
You are a grown woman, who has pursued her life and like all people make mistakes and learn from them. Dont tie yourself down with "perceptions of possible issues"... Girl, you got better things to do!!


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## mace17 (Jul 12, 2013)

I think Shooboomafoo said it very well. There is nothing wrong with interacting with men, I work with mostly men and of course I talk to them. It is only bad if it crosses a line, like you are more emotionally connected to them than to your husband. I think some individual counseling may be helpful, it seems like you want to please your husband like you tried to please your dad and he seems to be rather demanding too. Of course I don't know much of the story, but it almost sounds like your husband could be a bit controlling and be taking advantage of your desire to please and you feelings of guilt.


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