# What should I do? - Wife had 6 guys over 7y 8m



## Betrayed and Broken (Jan 23, 2014)

I recently found out (all in one go) that my wife of 25 years has cheated on me with 6 different guys over the last 7 yrs 8 mths. 

1. We were separated but she had promised to remain faithful to me. She then had a one-night-stand with a guy she had only just met on a beach. When we were reconciling I asked her if she had been faithful to me and she said she had been so I got back with her.

2 & 3. We separated again and again I asked her to remain faithful to me and again she said that she would. She then firstly had a full blown affair with a married man. They actually seriously considered becoming a couple. She told me she had deep feelings for him and that they had sex about 6 times. Within a week of this ending she slept with a guy from her work twice. Again when we were reconciling I asked her if she had kept her word to remain faithful to me, to which she replied that she had. She then brought the married couple into my life and we became good friends - until I found out of course. His wife still does not know..

May I add that I was still sleeping with my wife at her rented houses during the above. I had keys to the house both times and I always viewed our separations as temporary. We are both really good at fighting with each other you see.

4. Wife went overseas on holiday (to our own homeland) ans slept with her brothers friend 3 times. When she got back home I found loads of texts and phone call records between them and confronted her but she denied anything had occurred.

5. A 'friend' from church was doing some work in our garden when I was working interstate. She need-up having a full on affair with him. He could not keep it up so he would perform oral sex on her instead - at my home whist my 13 year-old daughter was in the house.

6. Had sex with friends son, then invited him back two nights later for another session. He was an ex-IV drug user and they had unprotected sex both times. On the second night my daughter walked in on them when they were asleep in the back bedroom of our house. She said that this one was a f### you our marriage is over affair.

Am I wasting my time at couple counselling? I am struggling to sleep. All these guys keep flashing into my head - I sometimes feel that you guys who have only one wife-shagger to fixate on are lucky! Should I call an end to my marriage? We actually renewed our marriage vows three months before I found out about the multiple infidelity, and before number 6 happened. I still love my wife and she seems genuinely ashamed and sorry, but I busted her, she did not voluntarily tell me, so that says something in itself. She claimed she would have told me eventually but I don't believe her.

Your thoughts please?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think your marriage has been over for a long time. You just haven't accepted it yet. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

OMG - Please run away and never look back. Find yourself a decent woman who will love you.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Serial cheaters can't stop. Google it. Get a lawyer and see if you can file a fault divorce.


----------



## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

1. Get some self respect
2. File for divorce
3. Implement the 180
4. Stop saying you are broken
5. Man up 
6. Get a life
7. You will find someone nice that cares about you once you stop allowing anyone to threat you this way

All the best. Now get busy fixing your life without this abusive spouse and stop believing anything she says. Move on with your life. She is damaged goods without a fix.


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Run Forrest, RUN.


----------



## Betrayed and Broken (Jan 23, 2014)

What is a fault divorce? As a practicing catholic, divorce is not on my radar presently. 

I already had STD checks done (we both did actually) - 3 months, all clear.

I still love my wife, but the thoughts of her having sex approximately 20 times with 6 different guys is killing me slowly inside day by day....


----------



## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> What is a fault divorce? As a practicing catholic, divorce is not on my radar presently.
> 
> I already had STD checks done (we both did actually) - 3 months, all clear.
> 
> I still love my wife, but the thoughts of her having sex approximately 20 times with 6 different guys is killing me slowly inside day by day....


I would go talk to your priest. Tell him everything and see what he says.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I can't honestly believe your asking that question...i hate to be mean here because i know your hurting...BUT SERIOUSLY...what will it take for you to realize that you have NO OTHER CHOICE but to kick her out and throw her to the curb...and i don't mean walk her to the curb but throw her...then you need to STOP being a doormat and become a man. Now i realize i may get banned for saying that but enough is enough buddy you are being played like a sick violin and think about yourself and your kids...she is sick...and you NEED to get out of this Marriage....protect yourself and kids and get her out of there...please please take the advice of everyone


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> What is a fault divorce? As a practicing catholic, divorce is not on my radar presently.
> 
> I already had STD checks done (we both did actually) - 3 months, all clear.
> 
> I still love my wife, but the thoughts of her having sex approximately 20 times with 6 different guys is killing me slowly inside day by day....


No fault divorce means the judge doesn't give a **** about her being an adulteress - she's still entitled to alimony, half your stuff, child support, etc. Fault divorce means she would actually have consequences for her cheating. Depends on where you are - most places are no fault.

Look man - your wife does NOT love you - she has zero respect for you and doesn't even LIKE you. This will never stop - she wants out. She is a serial cheater and your marriage is dead in the water. No matter how much you love her - it will not change the fact that she does not love or respect you.

I'm sorry, but you need to face reality here. Your marriage is over, whether you want it to be or not.


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> I would go talk to your priest. Tell him everything and see what he says.


And what if the priest says give it another whirl??


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You may love her ( in a damaged unhealthy way), but does she love you?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Betrayed and Broken (Jan 23, 2014)

yeah_right said:


> I would go talk to your priest. Tell him everything and see what he says.


Done that with our friend who is a priest - He is shocked at the magnitude of her infidelity, but says only I can decide if I can carry on in the marriage.


----------



## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

Healer said:


> And what if the priest says give it another whirl??


Then I guess you need to have a long talk with yourself on issues of faith/religion/sanity.

I consider myself a non-practicing Catholic. Baptized and raised Catholic, I no longer worship in their church because I find that I disagree with so much of its ideology. Although I adore the new Pope, I worship in another denomination now.


----------



## Betrayed and Broken (Jan 23, 2014)

Guys, I'm happy for you to lay it on me as I am still not thinking straight and still feel punch-drunk by everything that's been revealed to me in the last few months.


----------



## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> divorce is not on my radar presently


With all due respect, your radar has been busted for a very long time.


----------



## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

RUN!!!

Sounds like she has sex addiction


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Simple answer here.

Divorce her and don't look back.


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

I don't think anyone here can help you.


Jesus could not help her. If she met Jesus, she'd probably try to jump his bones.

Not try to be offensive, just trying to make an analogy.

6 men in 8 years. 

6 men in 8 years

6 men in 8 years

That you KNOW of. That she's willing to tell you about. 


How can you even call that a marriage?


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

These are just the betrayals for the last 7 years. I will bet the farm that there are 'incidents' throughout the life of your marriage. If you confront her and push, push her, tell her that you know it wasn't just the last 7 years, she will start with the trickle truth.

I think you have a serial cheater here. Can you live with that? It's your choice.


----------



## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

OMG! Now..... curious to here the pro R. tam people on this one....


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> my wife of 25 years has cheated on me with 6 different guys over the last 7 yrs 8 mths.
> 
> 1. We were separated but she had promised to remain faithful to me.* She then had a one-night-stand with a guy she had only just met on a beach. * When we were reconciling I asked her if she had been faithful to me and she said she had been so I got back with her.
> 
> ...



Your thread title is:

*What should I do?*

Really?

:scratchhead:


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

A polygraph would reveal way more.
She din't start when you got breaks/separations.
She's a patologica lier.
MC is a complete waste. She requires tons of IC.

Given she's aware of the latest round (even after the vows renewal) how is it doing your daughter, is she aware of the full extent of this? If is her relatoinship with you and WW?


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

I think our chain must be being yanked.

Does this really happen in life?


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> What is a fault divorce? As a practicing catholic, divorce is not on my radar presently.
> 
> I already had STD checks done (we both did actually) - 3 months, all clear.
> 
> I still love my wife, but the thoughts of her having sex approximately 20 times with 6 different guys is killing me slowly inside day by day....


ahh the old I'm a catholic so I can't divorce thingy. Then you must forgive..and forget. No other way right?


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

staystrong said:


> I think our chain must be being yanked.
> 
> Does this really happen in life?


He's catholic, so he can't divorce, he's not even thinking about it, I for one believe him, so I'll check back in about 20 pages or so when people start calling him a doormat etc etc..


----------



## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Apparently you are asking the wrong people. Go ask a devout Catholic how to be a happy doormat.


----------



## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

She will not be faithfull to you in the future either. You must know that... Can and do you want to live like that? To me it sounds like everlasting pain.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*My God in Heaven! Get your a$$ tested immediately for the presence of STD's, my friend! 

I swear! If she hasn't given you a nice case of gonorrhea by now, she might actually have something in her system that could kill it!*


----------



## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

So your religion does not allow you divorce but is fine with separating multiple times? That's a fresh take!


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Got to ask yourself how much you enjoy cleaning up after other men.
Serously... this goes beyond infidelity, your wife is a dangerously broken skank!
She is also harming your children to satisfy the slimy monster between her legs!
At least protect them!
Your wife needs a serious mental evaluation and honestly, no one should be having sex with her, least of all you!

Has she been on any prescription drugs?

This is so damn weird, it would be comical if people weren't being hurt!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

It wouldn't be a stretch for this thread to break into a debate on the merits, wisdom and fully vetted proper interpretation of religious convictions when it goes against the grain of every self-preserving decision a majority of people would fully endorse.

Is there any future in guiding someone with the inability to follow the most fair-minded plan because their religious beliefs completely dispense with any plausible plan to right the wrongs without a life of miserable servitude?


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

I thought adultery was grounds for divorce in the church?


----------



## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

jack.c said:


> OMG! Now..... curious to here the pro R. tam people on this one....


I don't think you'll get any pro R people suggesting R on this story. 

You have far too much to deal with here. Multiple betrayals. You would benefit greatly from a permanent separation. Don't bother divorcing unless you can put her at fault. Escape as much alimony as possible. 

How is your daughter?


----------



## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Ask your priest to annul your marriage.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

How did you find out all this information if she did not voluntarily tell you? How did you bust her? It seems almost impossible to me that you could have found out all of this on your own or as you write, "all in one go".


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Post and run?


----------



## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Healer said:


> I thought adultery was grounds for divorce in the church?





ThreeStrikes said:


> Ask your priest to annul your marriage.


OP? Well? Broken azz radar aside, ...What about it?


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Healer said:


> I thought adultery was grounds for divorce in the church?


Not in the Roman Catholic church. They can get the marriage annulled, but D is not an option if he wants to remain a faithful Catholic.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

She cheated on you with 6 guys over 7 years.

She lied to you every time saying she would be faithful.

If you would of had sex with 6 different women over 7 years, she would of been gone. Why haven't you clued in and moved on already?

She doesn't respect or love you.

Divorce and move on.

Don't let your faith get involved. Faith is of the spirit and not flesh.

Yet you still love her???:scratchhead:

Doormat my friend.......


----------



## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

She did not tell you that you had an open marriage?

She must have mentioned it while you were asleep or separated.

Have her sign an agreement that since she has cheated so much, no alimony, no property division and you get custody of the kids.

Divorce, divorce and divorce.

She probably did not tell you that she has been ridden more that Seattle Slew. 

I am so sorry, but you need to divorce now. Get her out of your life. Set her free. Have her pay for the divorce and your counseling.


----------



## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

You can get divorced as a Catholic and still receive the Sacrament on the Safety and Security clause. She is endangering the safety of OP and his kids. If he divorces, then he cannot date anyone until she dies. (I am not a Catholic, but I think that is right). Look at annulment of your marriage also. Listen to ThreeStrikes.


----------



## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

You're religious but remember the bible say's-(all bible I'm sure) thou shall not commit adultery.

And she has committed it tons of times that you know of. Who know how many times she's not telling you about. So I think you have a right to Div since she broke you marriage vows time and time again.


----------



## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Love is wonderful, but it can also be very painful and destructive. In your case, I think "painful and destructive" best describe it. Your "wife" seems to be that in name only, if your description of her shenannigans over the years is accurate. She'll stray again and again and again because she's addicted to it. She may say she "loves" you, but she certainly hasn't showed it, and the fact that you've been separated several times does not speak well for the strength of your marriage. You ask what you should do. :scratchhead: I think maybe you really already know, you just want someone to verify your choice.


----------



## Lefacade (Jan 10, 2014)

Get out now. Don't ever talk to her again accept in dealings with divorce and children.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

ThreeStrikes said:


> Ask your priest to annul your marriage.


Can't get a divorce (because of the church). Annulment isn't an option - it "invalidates" the children in the eyes of the church or some hogwash like that. 

Look you had serious issues before you even knew about the affairs. Every couple argues, but multiple separations over "arguments"? What were the arguments about that you needed to separate? Toxic relationship no matter.

Looks like your options are to leave her and infuriate your God, or stay with her and be a doormat and miserable until your dying day. 

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> Had sex with friends son, then invited him back two nights later for another session.


You make her sound like a pro. She really loves you and is an excellent example for your children; I can tell. I think the priest told you what to do my man.


----------



## Lefacade (Jan 10, 2014)

I was raised Catholic and you can get a divorce in the eyes of the state but in the church you will always be married. I believe only the pope can annul the marriage.

I'm not devout, but if this was me and I got a divorce over it and died and went before god and he tried to pull the marriage was forever card. I'd tell him **** off and I'd rather be with Lucifer.


God man I feel so bad for you. Please don't waste another minute of your life with this woman. Expose her affairs to everyone that has a stake in it.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Who had the ideas for the "separations"? Her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

RUN!!!!!!

GO!!!!

GET TO DA CHOPPA!!!! RUN!!!









srsly tho. 

Divorce her [email protected] a$$. Like yesterday. 

Get custody of the kid too. Use her past history against her. 

Ex drug user. 

Perhaps he's a felon. 

Methinks, big no, no for Mommy of the Year there. 

Good luck.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Can't get a divorce (because of the church). Annulment isn't an option - it "invalidates" the children in the eyes of the church or some hogwash like that.
> 
> Look you had serious issues before you even knew about the affairs. Every couple argues, but multiple separations over "arguments"? What were the arguments about that you needed to separate? Toxic relationship no matter.
> 
> ...


I am not Roman Catholic but I had to know the rules of divorce, annulment, etc when I when I was on Active Duty. No matter if a Catholic divorces or gets an annulment, it does not bear on the legitmacy of the children. 

This is from the Archdiocese of Atlanta:

Divorce and Remarriage in the Catholic Church for Catholics
The discussion of divorce and remarriage among Catholics can be a sensitive issue; there are many misunderstandings of Church teachings in this area. However, few Catholic families remain untouched by the pain and sadness of marital breakup, or the questions raised by the process used to investigate the validity of a previous marriage.

What is Marriage?
In order to understand what the Church means when it issues a Declaration of Nullity it is helpful to look first at the Church’s understanding of marriage. Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman which establishes a partnership for life. Marriage is a vocation which fosters the good of the spouses and naturally leads to the procreation and education of children. Marriage is a sacrament, as St. Paul taught in the New Testament (Eph. 5).

A number of elements must come together for the sacrament of marriage to occur. The first is the “Canonical Form” of marriage: a Catholic must ordinarily be married within a Catholic church and before a priest or deacon. The requirements for the Canonical Form of marriage applies only to Catholic spouses, so we would recognize the marriage of two persons who are not Catholic, even if they did not marry in a church ceremony or religious service. 

However, following the proper canonical form of marriage is not all that is necessary for a valid sacramental marriage to take place. The couple must also freely and knowingly choose to enter marriage as the Church understands marriage. This is “Marital Consent.” A number of intentions must be made by the couple at the time of marriage in order for consent to be valid, that is, in order to establish the unbreakable bond between husband and wife that is a sacramental marriage. The couple must understand what marriage is and they must intend their marriage to be a lifelong partnership which is open to children. They must intend fidelity and the mutual good of one another. They must also have the physical and psychological ability to follow through on these intentions.

When all of the above factors are brought together, a sacramental, indissoluble union is established by God. If a Catholic spouse marries with the proper Canonical Form and with at least the semblance of the necessary intentions given through the marriage vows, we recognize the enduring marriage bond which cannot be dissolved, even if the civil government, through divorce, no longer recognizes that a marriage exists.

When Christians marry in this way, we believe that God has made the two persons one in the sacrament of marriage (cf. Mt. 19:5). Because Jesus taught the indissolubility of marriage—“therefore, let no one separate what God has joined” (Mt. 19:6)—we believe that it is impossible for any human power to break the God-made bond, or sacramental covenant, between husband and wife. 

So, What Exactly is a Declaration of Invalidity?
Is it ever possible to enter a second marriage? If a Catholic spouse did not follow the Canonical Form of marriage, outlined above, then a relatively simple process can be followed in order to receive a Declaration of Nullity based on a Lack of Canonical Form. But if proper Canonical Form was observed, or if it was not required—for members of other faith traditions, for example—a second type of process examines Marital Consent, that is, the intentions and abilities of the spouses at the time of marriage. This process is called a Formal Case. It is possible to have two persons legally married, but never actually joined together by God in a sacramental union. The Formal Case process is complex, detailed, and is lengthy—9 to 18 months.

In either the Lack of Form Case or the Formal Case we must be very clear: the Decree of Invalidity is not a “Catholic Divorce.” The Church does not have the power to divorce any persons who have been united by God. A Decree of Invalidity states that the enduring bond of the sacrament of marriage was never present from the very beginning of the marriage. If this is decided by a church Tribunal, the spouses are free to marry again.

It must also be made clear that a Decree of Invalidity in no way affects the legitimacy of children of such a previous marriage, and has no bearing on other natural and civil obligations such as child support or custody. A church Decree of Invalidity does not imply that the marriage never existed, but only that it did not have the character of a sacrament. The Church does not seek to assign blame for the marriage breakup to any of the persons involved.

Does a Divorce affect my Status in the Catholic Church?
Please remember that a divorce alone would not affect, or hinder in any way, your participation in the Catholic Church. A divorced Catholic is free to receive the sacraments. However, if you are divorced and remarried without an Decree of Invalidity (and your former spouse is still living) a problem does arise. Similarly, if your spouse was previously married and has not received an Decree of Invalidity from a Tribunal, there is a problem. In such circumstances, you may not partake of the sacraments, including the reception of Holy Communion. We respect all marriages, even those which have ended in a civil divorce. Every prior marriage must be examined, since each is presumed to be valid with a lasting and lifelong commitment. Until it is shown otherwise through the ministry of the Tribunal, no person is free to enter into another marriage without the appearance or occasion of serious sin.

If you or your current spouse are divorced, and remarried outside of the Catholic Church, please consider seeking the healing that an investigation for a Decree of Invalidity can bring to you and which will enable you to return to a full participation in the sacramental life of the Church. 

The cost of the process is shared by the Archdiocese of Atlanta and you. The fees requested range from a Lack of Form case being $25 to a Formal Case where the fee is $500. Your fee is about one half of the actual expenses, which cover secretarial, professional, and operational costs. There are payment plans available and no one is ever denied the opportunity to have their marriage investigated by any of the processes because of their inability to pay.

How Would I Begin the Decree of Invalidity Process?
You should first consult a priest or deacon in your parish. He will help you determine what type of Tribunal case to begin. To begin a Formal Case, you will complete a questionnaire which gives a history of your prior marriage. Next, you will meet with a Case Sponsor who will answer your questions, explain the process, and help you complete the introductory paperwork. The Case Sponsor will forward your case to the Metropolitan Tribunal in Atlanta.

A Few Final Comments
The wait for a decision from the Tribunal can be frustrating, as the process may take many months. Because of the number of marriage cases pending before the Tribunal and the detailed and careful process with which each one is handled, it is never possible to expedite any one’s request for a declaration of nullity, or to promise a definite date of conclusion, or even to promise a favorable decision. Because of this, if you are seeking an Decree of Invalidity with a future remarriage in mind, please know that the priest or deacon assisting you in your preparations is not able, and not permitted, to set even a tentative date for a new marriage until you have a final and favorable decision, in writing, from the Tribunal.

While this process can dredge up painful memories from the past, we have experienced that most persons have found new strength, understanding, and healing by discussing their prior marriage with a person who represents the Church. As a recent petitioner told us, “It was a great healing for me.” Another petitioner said, “I understand myself and my marriage now!” All those involved in helping you through this process view our work as a ministry.

We understand and appreciate the effort any person needs to put forth when seeking an Decree of Invalidity. The process could be seen as an obstacle to your full participation in the Catholic Church. However, it could also be seen as a means of personal and spiritual growth toward the happiness you were meant to enjoy with God. Please don’t allow any questions or doubts to keep you from approaching the Tribunal about a former marriage. May God bless you as you seek to understand God’s will and desire for you. If you are divorced, may the Lord’s mercy touch the memories of this painful time in your life through the Church. Should you decide to seek a Decree of Invalidity, may it be a source of healing for you.


----------



## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

They actually seriously considered becoming a couple. She told me she had deep feelings for him and that they had sex about 6 times. Within a week of this ending she slept with a guy from her work twice. Again when we were reconciling I asked her if she had kept her word to remain faithful to me, to which she replied that she had. She then brought the married couple into my life and we became good friends - until I found out of course. His wife still does not know..



Why doesn't his wife know ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

My uncle and aunt tried to get an annulment years ago (at my catholic grandmother's behest). Priest wouldn't do it, cited the children.

Still, OP has to prove the marriage wasn't entered into legitimately. Maybe he can, maybe he can't. But for his own sanity he needs to get out of there one way or another.

Assuming this posting is legit.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> My uncle and aunt tried to get an annulment years ago (at my catholic grandmother's behest). Priest wouldn't do it, cited the children.
> 
> Still, OP has to prove the marriage wasn't entered into legitimately. Maybe he can, maybe he can't. But for his own sanity he needs to get out of there one way or another.
> 
> Assuming this posting is legit.


Mine have been tingling since the very beginning.


----------



## 10th Engineer Harrison (Dec 11, 2013)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> Am I wasting my time at couple counselling?


Yes. Only you can determine "why?"

-ol' 2long


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> ...but D is not an option if he wants to remain a faithful Catholic.


LOL, oh the irony.

I think the Catholic church is more than a little confused.


----------



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Please think about your 13 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER.

Your daughter is 13 and has reached puberty. She is or will be entering a time in her life when she will be exploring her own sexuality.

You and your wife are not setting an appropriate example of marriage, separation, or reconciliation. Think of your daughter and end this marriage. Buck up and figure out a way to end things.

Sorry you are hurting but you are in an unhealthy relationship.


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Healer said:


> And what if the priest says give it another whirl??


Let the priest marry her... yeah I know.


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Thorburn said:


> Mine have been tingling since the very beginning.


Yep, I'm wondering the same. I'm kind of a "sucka" for these serial cheater threads. My wife fooled me for almost 7 years with 3 OM, more? who knows. 

I sometimes think... how nice it would be for my "story" to just be nothing more than the imagination of some lonely Tr-ll. Nope. my reality. 

TAMers beware... the Tr-ll police will get you.


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP- you will not turn around a serial cheater who cares not for her personal health or yours.

You can find happiness without her.

You can set a good example of how to live a respectable life for your child.

You know what you need to do.


----------



## standinginthegap (Jan 16, 2014)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> I recently found out (all in one go) that my wife of 25 years has cheated on me with 6 different guys over the last 7 yrs 8 mths.
> 
> 1. We were separated but she had promised to remain faithful to me. She then had a one-night-stand with a guy she had only just met on a beach. When we were reconciling I asked her if she had been faithful to me and she said she had been so I got back with her.
> 
> ...



If you are expecting any of the people on this site to give you the truth they won't, for they will tell you worldly views but I am one of the few who will not. The truth about your spouse and her current status is she is deep in sin, and being held by the cords of them. The only way that can be changed is through God, when the world says it is over, God says it's not over until He says it is. If you are sold out for your marriage and willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage the best thing you can do is give the situation over to God and trust Him for your marriage and yes it will be worth. I am not saying it will be easy but in the end you will have a marriage that was stronger than before because it would have been build on a proper foundation with God.

I would highly recommend you checking out hopeatlast.com. There is always hope in a hopeless situation


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

standinginthegap said:


> If you are expecting any of the people on this site to give you the truth they won't, for they will tell you worldly views but I am one of the few who will not. The truth about your spouse and her current status is she is deep in sin, and being held by the cords of them. The only way that can be changed is through God, when the world says it is over, God says it's not over until He says it is. If you are sold out for your marriage and willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage the best thing you can do is give the situation over to God and trust Him for your marriage and yes it will be worth. I am not saying it will be easy but in the end you will have a marriage that was stronger than before because it would have been build on a proper foundation with God.
> 
> I would highly recommend you checking out hopeatlast.com. There is always hope in a hopeless situation


standinginthegap, I have a *great* deal of truths I *could* share with you. However, although I know the moderators are kindly people to a fault, I think they might need to ban me were I to share with you the truths that you so need and so richly, richly deserve.

However, I *will* set you a short quiz: "beam, mote, ocular protuberance." Mean anything to you, old chap?


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

So does this mean that when Catholics take their wedding vows all they promise is to stay married? Cause if you just can't divorce why would you promise anything else? Cmon, help a Jewish girl understand.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 10th Engineer Harrison (Dec 11, 2013)

workindad said:


> Let the priest marry her... yeah I know.


But make sure he's not one of the 7.

-ol' 2long


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

I wouldn't want anything to do with a church that would punish me for not staying with someone who abused me - and that's exactly what she's doing to you.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Lefacade said:


> I was raised Catholic and you can get a divorce in the eyes of the state but in the church you will always be married.


I think ole B & B is desperately searching for somebody/anybody to tell him he has to stay married to this ally cat. I think God gets blamed too much because people bastardized his word and teaching to support their own desires.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> So does this mean that when Catholics take their wedding vows all they promise is to stay married? Cause if you just can't divorce why would you promise anything else? Cmon, help a Jewish girl understand.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, us Catholics aren't allowed to ask such questions. Shhhhh....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Healer said:


> I wouldn't want anything to do with a church that would punish me for not staying with someone who abused me - and that's exactly what she's doing to you.


Healer,

I agree... 

The Catholic Stance on divorce is just another form of self righteous *Flagellation*. Why not let's just whip the BS husband with his cheating wife's 12in sex toy Di-do that OM#13 bought for her when she was lonely. 

I feel a banning coming on.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

If you are not in for this cuckhold lifestyle I say get out. That's what she has you signed up for.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

You Catholics need to quit trying to BS (and I don't mean Betrayed Spouse) us with, "we don't believe in divorce". I know the score guys. Divorce is a civil matter which the Catholic church doesn't follow. BFD. (the B is for Big and the D is for Deal. Figure out what the F stands for.) Maybe we need to get to the nitty gritty and go with Annulment. B & B has grounds for both. If you disagree, please feel free to quote the Canon(s) that preclude it. Like I said earlier, he's looking for an excuse not to leave her and not look like a idiot for staying.


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

RWB said:


> Healer,
> 
> I agree...
> 
> ...


LOL.


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I was raised catholic and am now divorced. 

You can be catholic and divorced. The church still takes my envelope on Sunday.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

workindad said:


> I was raised catholic and am now divorced.
> 
> You can be catholic and divorced. The church still takes my envelope on Sunday.


Bingo.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

The Catholics permit divorce if you married *Satan's sister!*


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

treyvion said:


> If you are not in for this cuckhold lifestyle I say get out. That's what she has you signed up for.


No, no no! You just don't understand! She isn't turning him into a cuckold, as that would be wrong and sinful!

She is, ummm, just putting the marriage on hold every-so-often so that she can have guilt-free flings, safe in the knowledge that after the separation is over, hubby will welcome her back with open arms!:smthumbup:

See? Isn't that kind of her?:rofl:


----------



## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Um.. I’m not pro-R, however, I can probably help you break your mind enough that an R of sorts is possible. I’m nearing 5 years into R and still married. My WW’s body count = 6 OM + 1 OW over a 6 year period. Though only 2 are confessed PIV PA’s... the others are more EA and groping. Unremorseful WW to boot and the poster child of what not to be for R to work. You can read my story... I can answer questions and wreck your head. Probably the biggest link though is how mentally flexible are you when it comes to how you view sex? Was also massively helpful that IC with her found some really screwed up stuff that helped answer why...


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

B&B
Your daughter, please come back and talk a little about your daughter at least.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Run brother...

Run from this nasty woman...

Run like a raped ape....


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> What is a fault divorce? As a practicing catholic, divorce is not on my radar presently.
> 
> I already had STD checks done (we both did actually) - 3 months, all clear.
> 
> I still love my wife, but the thoughts of her having sex approximately 20 times with 6 different guys is killing me slowly inside day by day....


 Listen friend.

I'm catholic and my best friend was also. When I got divorced and wanted to remarry I couldn't get married in church because I am catholic. My best friend had the same experience. 

The catholic church has a funny way of doing things and one of the most hypocritical things is the church will be more than happy to give you an annulment for a modest donation. I know and so did my best friend. They will dissolve your marriage if you ever get married again just by paying for it and "POOF" no more marriage. There's your out.

So the question is this. How many times do you have to be cheated on before you open your eyes and say "No more, I'm done." 

To let this woman run you over again and again is unacceptable and if you choose to keep on letting her then you get what you deserve so now you have a choice.

I've heard of fault divorce but what you have is "my fault divorce" for not doing it sooner


----------



## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> However, I *will* set you a short quiz: "beam, mote, ocular protuberance." Mean anything to you, old chap?


I failed on the quiz. I even cheated and used Google. What's the answer Matt?


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

workindad said:


> I was raised catholic and am now divorced.
> 
> You can be catholic and divorced. The church still takes my envelope on Sunday.


Ain't it funny how it always seems to come to that at the end of the day. I guess everything does have a price.


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP- to your original question- only you can decide for yourself.

However, if I were in your position- she'd be my soon to be ex wife.


----------



## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

Put this girl to work, make those guys pay for the privilege.


----------



## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

seems pretty simple to me - you want to continue to hurt, to be disrespected and lied to, well just keep doing what you're doing.

want to have a chance at a real loving relationship with a mature and caring person, move on.

best of luck.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Remains said:


> I failed on the quiz. I even cheated and used Google. What's the answer Matt?


Matthew 7:3-5 KJV - And why beholdest thou the mote that is - Bible Gateway


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If want to get thru this your going to have a certain appreciation for these kind of women if you can't stomach being with a sl^t then its time to run. I on the other hand know how to handle mine and it seems to work for us.

I'm wired different then most... You sound like a stand up guy it might be time to get out. Me on the other hand would suggest you get yours before she goes out at night. From we're I'm sitting it's time for the bull crap "proper wife" lie to stop and you should be able to bend her over when ever you want.

Again that's just me , I'm wired different then most.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Betrayed and Broken (Jan 23, 2014)

TheFlood117 said:


> RUN!!!!!!
> 
> GO!!!!
> 
> ...


He was a felon - Had just got out of jail six weeks earlier where he had been remanded for threats to kill & arson.


----------



## Betrayed and Broken (Jan 23, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> My uncle and aunt tried to get an annulment years ago (at my catholic grandmother's behest). Priest wouldn't do it, cited the children.
> 
> Still, OP has to prove the marriage wasn't entered into legitimately. Maybe he can, maybe he can't. But for his own sanity he needs to get out of there one way or another.
> 
> Assuming this posting is legit.


I wish I was making it all up! Even as I write these replies and read the responses, I'm waiting to wake up and realise that I only dreamt it all, but unfortunately it is all too real.....


----------



## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Matthew 7:3-5 KJV - And why beholdest thou the mote that is - Bible Gateway


 I like it 

Was that pointed at 'standing in the gap' ? I am a bit dim on that connection. Sorry. I also need jokes explaining to me on a regular basis. 

I must say, all that 'leave everything to god' sounds like a cop out to me. Sweep under the carpet extraordinaire! 

Great bible quote though.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*B&B: If you're worried about the Catholic Church, come on over to the United Methodist's. We'd love to have you and wouldn't disown you. In any event and for your own sanity, get away from her ASAP!*


----------



## Betrayed and Broken (Jan 23, 2014)

Acabado said:


> B&B
> Your daughter, please come back and talk a little about your daughter at least.


My Daughter seem fine now. When she seen my wife with the other guy she ran screaming into the bathroom and locked herself in. She then shouted to my wife to get him out of the house now, which she did.

My wife knew she was busted right then and there, but I also had access to her text messages so I knew the next day about what had happened. It did not stop my wife trying to construct a story about what happened. I only found out about the whole thing when her now ex-friend, who was number six's mother, came to my place and told me everything. She, however, is a narcissistic sexual predator herself, and I later found out that she had set my wife up with her son - but my wife could have said no....


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Sorry, us Catholics aren't allowed to ask such questions. Shhhhh....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Oh sorry, I don't want to get you flogged 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Dude you need to step back and read this story as if this wasn't you and think what advise you would give this guy. This is a long term, multiple men situation that your daughter was exposed to the situation. The lack of respect to either you or your daughter is incredible and you have not mentioned any remorse on her part. Cmon Man!

People are going to give you all kind of advise on her, but actually the Priest was right, you are the only name that goes on the petition for divorce, so only you can decide when enough is enough. However, you need to look at more than yourself and realize this is very destructive behavior for your daughter to be caught up in as well. You will be surprised at how much history tends to repeat itself. You need to start being brutally honest with the man in the mirror.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

standinginthegap said:


> If you are expecting any of the people on this site to give you the truth they won't, for they will tell you worldly views but I am one of the few who will not. The truth about your spouse and her current status is she is deep in sin, and being held by the cords of them. The only way that can be changed is through God, when the world says it is over, God says it's not over until He says it is. If you are sold out for your marriage and willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage the best thing you can do is give the situation over to God and trust Him for your marriage and yes it will be worth. I am not saying it will be easy but in the end you will have a marriage that was stronger than before because it would have been build on a proper foundation with God.
> 
> I would highly recommend you checking out hopeatlast.com. There is always hope in a hopeless situation


Ya if God Wanted he could do
What he wants...even his son could
Jack me up if I was that far off base

But since God and Jesus seem to give me the OK to continue on this site after 4yrs since my old lady screwed around well then I think the big guy doesn't mind me sharing my own experience with indelity
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Remains said:


> I like it
> 
> Was that pointed at 'standing in the gap' ? I am a bit dim on that connection. Sorry. I also need jokes explaining to me on a regular basis.
> 
> ...


"God helps those who help themselves"


----------



## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

I feel like I caught multiple STDs just from reading this.


----------



## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

jack.c said:


> OMG! Now..... curious to here the pro R. tam people on this one....


I just read the first few posts on this thread before posting...........

Former WS and pro R person chiming in........ OP needs to get out of this marriage as fast as he can. His wife is a serial cheater who appears to be willing to have sex with virtually ANY man/boy who crosses her path. She has brought, at least, one OM into the family home, to have sex, while their daughter was at home, no less. She didn't even bother to use protection while having sex with a known IV drug user. Where does the list end? What's worse may be, where does it begin? I have a very strong suspicion (just like every other veteran TAMer) that this is just the tip of the iceberg. She didn't have a "love" affair in an attempt to escape or cope with an unhappy marriage (I'm not suggesting that is an acceptable coping mechanism...... I'm just trying to make a point.) She is a long term serial cheater and a sex addict. Women don't just suddenly "become" serial cheaters and sex addicts after 17 years of marriage. 

Catholic or not, God allows a man to divorce his adulterous wife. It's often stated, on TAM, that you can't "nice" your WS back into the marriage. And, while I might be willing to "debate" that point, on another thread, this OP could never "nice" his WS back in to the marriage. She was never there to begin with.

OP, I am one of the most pro-reconciliation people posting on TAM. If both spouses desire to reconcile, and the WS is truly remorseful, then I will encourage, support, and advise them to the best of my ability. I can't think of any reason for you to stay in this marriage. You may love her, but she does not love you. There is simply no possible way. She does not love you, she does not respect you, she doesn't even like you. And, bringing your OM into the house to be caught by your own daughter has got to be the most despicable thing I have EVER read on TAM. And, unfortunately, I've read a lot of despicable stories (my own included.)

To be honest, I would have to question whether or not your wife is even of sound mind. But, whatever her issues may be..... you can't save her. So, save yourself..... and your children. She shouldn't even be allowed unsupervised access to your children if they are still minors. Only God knows who she might bring home the next time. 

I'm so sorry, but please get out of this marriage.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> What is a fault divorce? As a practicing catholic, divorce is not on my radar presently.


Apologies if I'm a little late w/ this but I wanted to share some wisdom directly from "The Man" himself...

Matthew 5:32

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, *saving for the cause of fornication*, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Sounds like you could divorce her (at least) 6 times.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> What is a fault divorce? As a practicing catholic, divorce is not on my radar presently.
> 
> I already had STD checks done (we both did actually) - 3 months, all clear.
> 
> I still love my wife, but the thoupghts of her having sex approximately 20 times with 6 different guys is killing me slowly inside day by day....



20 times is more like the tip of the iceberg. No church makes you stay with an adulterer. You using that as an excuse to avoid the problem.

How did you find out. I can't believe she just started 8 yrs ago and then went wild. Ma ke her take a poly.


----------



## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> She, however, is a narcissistic sexual predator herself, and I later found out that she had set my wife up with her son - but my wife could have said no....


B&B I think you probably know what is the right course of action here even if you love her, you are probably looking validation for a third person perspective, well, you are not wrong, you have to leave her, for your and for your kids emotional and mental sanity, and you should not feel bad about it, I am a catholic as well, but the commitment you made was broken more than once with premeditation and thoughtlessness.

she is a serial cheater, she has pretty much crossed as many taboos as she had the chance to do.

- sex with coworker
- sex in marital bed
- sex with the risk of being caught
- sex while family at home
- sex with brother's friend
- sex with son of a friend
- sex with married man
- sex with a stranger
- sex with a younger man


she, just as her friend is a narcissistic sexual predator, she feeds on the thrills of all this different variables in her affairs and she will not change, for the circumstances of where and how the affairs took place is also clear that she was the agressor, for your and yours daughter's sake leave her and show your daughter that marriage is not what she is seeing with her mother right now and that those actions can not be tolerated in a healthy relationship, and that she must not condone or perform indifedelity in her own future marriage.


----------



## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

This story disgusts me to no end.

Do the right thing and salvage whatever dignity you can, divorce her and move on. 

No matter what religion you follow, you are a human being first
and foremost and deserve to be loved and appreciated properly.

You're in control of your self respect. Not your cheating wife.

You can't heal other people. Only yourself.


----------



## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

EI said:


> I just read the first few posts on this thread before posting...........
> 
> Former WS and pro R person chiming in........ OP needs to get out of this marriage as fast as he can. His wife is a serial cheater who appears to be willing to have sex with virtually ANY man/boy who crosses her path. She has brought, at least, one OM into the family home, to have sex, while their daughter was at home, no less. She didn't even bother to use protection while having sex with a known IV drug user. Where does the list end? What's worse may be, where does it begin? I have a very strong suspicion (just like every other veteran TAMer) that this is just the tip of the iceberg. She didn't have a "love" affair in an attempt to escape or cope with an unhappy marriage (I'm not suggesting that is an acceptable coping mechanism...... I'm just trying to make a point.) She is a long term serial cheater and a sex addict. Women don't just suddenly "become" serial cheaters and sex addicts after 17 years of marriage.
> 
> ...


Thank you. Very honest and clear.


----------



## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I have to say, I have seen quite a few shocking things on here, but reading your life story with your wife, well shall i say has left me rather speechless.

Why the hell are you still with her, I mean some might say that once is a mistake, but 6 times, and with different men, I cant see a woman like this will ever change, and i think i can safely say, she does not love you, or i do not think she even cares pretty much.

The lack of respect is outrageous, and she was even doing it with your child in the house.

I would think nothing other than divorce, and i would have done it a long time ago, Probably after the first time.

I really feel for you.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

I skipped straight to last page. Your wife is mess. She is an impulsive serial cheater. That will never change. She has a need for an emotional charge. This cannot come from you. She needs IC and IC cannot fix adults set in their ways.

If by some chance she stops cheating, her demons may come out is other forms.

I would be curious to hear her describe what goes on in her head. She must find the pull unresistable.


----------



## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Walk away, not worth the effort. Unfaithful to the max, trust and respect, gone. Nothing worth fighting for.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Divorce.

That's not your wife anymore.

It's a highly sexual single lady. Let her be.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Rottdad42 said:


> Walk away, not worth the effort. Unfaithful to the max, trust and respect, gone. Nothing worth fighting for.


NO, he has PLENTY to fight for.... Fight for HIMSELF.

Unload this liability and not even risk, unload this huge detriment and get on with your life. Fight for your life and live good. Never again stay with a woman who is not going to take good care of you, not satisfy your needs, or disrespect and damage you.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Get away from that gutter-skank right now, get yourself medically checked out, and get yourself a copy of:*


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *Get away from that gutter-skank right now, get yourself medically checked out, and get yourself a copy of:*


It looks like that guy on the cover is taking off his jacket and ready for fisticuffs.


----------



## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

Being this Beta... Just wow...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

I feel sympathy for you. It seems like you are a devout person who was looking for the same in life. You wife was much more worldly than you, brother. Stop trying to save this woman, please find someone more like yourself.


----------



## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> Not in the Roman Catholic church. They can get the marriage annulled, but D is not an option if he wants to remain a faithful Catholic.


But he can separate and NOT take her back when she gets tired of
living alone. It is not the perfect solution, but it works.


----------



## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

You don't get excommunicated in RC for getting a divorce, especially if adultery is involved. This is just a petty excuse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

What blows my mind is the catholic church will not condone a divorce but will put up with a priest molesting little boys.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

You folks really need to get off what the Catholic Church allows and doesn't allow in respect to divorce and annulment. Most comments are so far off base it crosses to line into pure ignorance.
B & B is playing the "my religion" card as an excuse not to take any action. You'd be surprised at the number of guys that get off on being humiliated by their wives. He may be one of them.


----------



## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Trey, good call. I neglected the self help MO. Now more than ever, he needs to take care of himself. To the OP, you have to ask yourself are you able to forgive these actions. For me I could not. One person, maybe and that's a big maybe. Knowing that my SO was with six other people is just wrong on all levels. You are faithfull, she is not. After your head stops spinning, what's the next step. Separate everything. Leave nothing to chance. CYA, to the max. This situation is just all bad. Much luck sir.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## standinginthegap (Jan 16, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> standinginthegap, I have a *great* deal of truths I *could* share with you. However, although I know the moderators are kindly people to a fault, I think they might need to ban me were I to share with you the truths that you so need and so richly, richly deserve.
> 
> However, I *will* set you a short quiz: "beam, mote, ocular protuberance." Mean anything to you, old chap?


In terms everyone can understand:

Matthew 7:3 "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"

That is a question I ask God frequently, God am I still doing something wrong? Because at times I really do feel as if it is me.


----------



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

I read the title and my brain said two things
1) Run
2) Run faster


----------



## NewYearNewMe (Jan 7, 2014)

Sorry you are going through this. I too am married to a serial cheater and going through the separation process. This is my post on her cheating: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/156937-thoughts-my-wifes-cheating.html 

She cheated at all points of the relationship. Even just a few days ago I discovered new cheating: she had been sleeping with her ex boyfriend - that she broke up with to be with me - for several months after her and I started dating. Sadly, what you think you know is more likely than not just the beginning, not the end, of the cheating saga. I'm so sorry you are going through this. About two months ago when I discovered my wife's severe cheating during our separation, it made the two times she cheated during the marriage look small in comparison. My stbxwife is actually currently cheating on the man that she is supposed to be exclusively dating!

Unfortunately, both your wife and mine will not change without serious work on their part. You cannot fix her and you cannot "out good or out nice" this situation. I did that for years, it failed. I too am Catholic, I understand your struggles there. I haven't even looked at how to handle this through the church, but at this stage, that's not important. You are a broken man, right now you need to fix you. Take this from a guy who, about 2 months ago, was exactly in your shoes, crushed, lost, numb. I'm telling you, it gets better. But it gets better, and only gets better, when you start to take care of you. No more abuse my friend. No more being lied to, trampled on, no more doormat. You are worth more than that. Go give your goodness to someone who can give it back to you.


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> Am I wasting my time at couple counselling?


With a woman that has slept with several different men while with you? Separated or not? Yes, you are wasting your time.

Because even if she stops, she'll be going through withdrawals at the thought of not being able to bang someone different. Why settle for that?




> Should I call an end to my marriage?


I would and move on to find someone not so fickle untrustworthy.




> I still love my wife and she seems genuinely ashamed and sorry, but I busted her, she did not voluntarily tell me, so that says something in itself.


She is ashamed she got caught, otherwise she was loving every minute of it. Get rid of her and move on to better women.


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> Guys, *I'm happy for you to lay it on me *as I am still not thinking straight and still feel punch-drunk by everything that's been revealed to me in the last few months.


Ok, but remember, you asked. 

You say divorce isn't on your radar because you are a practicing catholic. But what does your religion say about remaining married to a wh0re? Sorry, but that is what she is based on a couple definitions of the word that don't have to involve sex for money:



> -A person considered sexually promiscuous.
> -A venal or unscrupulous person


Why do you love someone that will go behind your back and pleasure herself with other men?

You know the answer, you know you won't be able to shake all these 20 sexual encounters with 6 different men from your head. Why would you live out your days with this sorry excuse for a woman???


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> He's catholic, so he can't divorce


Yes, he can.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

A Roman Catholic can get an canonical annulment and a civil divorce.

The annulment ensures you can remarry in the church. The diovrce is strictly a governmental thing.

Read up.

Understanding Annulments - September 1998 Issue of St. Anthony Messenger Magazine Online


----------



## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

OP left the house


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> I recently found out (all in one go) that my wife of 25 years has cheated on me with 6 different guys over the last 7 yrs 8 mths.
> 
> 1. We were separated but she had promised to remain faithful to me. She then had a one-night-stand with a guy she had only just met on a beach. When we were reconciling I asked her if she had been faithful to me and she said she had been so I got back with her.
> 
> ...


Why do you ask questions when you already know the answers?

Do you need a rah rah club? 

Do you think your prospects are so bad that you can't find anyone else?

Here is the first thing: You two already fight enough that you separate MULTIPLE TIMES in a short period.

Your marriage is already bad. That she also serially cheats speaks to a certain amount of loathing for you. This sounds like internalized revenge. As soon as you make her mad enough to leave, she screws someone. Take THAT!

So...go to IC. Figure out YOUR issues. Why are you wasting your time with this woman? 

And your recent wedding vows? They were as meaningless as how she kept the original ones. Why do you think they are any different?

Talk to a priest to get your options.


----------



## Betrayed and Broken (Jan 23, 2014)

I think that my wife may now realise the damage she has done to me. She sat crying in front of me, and said that from now on in, even though she did not deserve me, that her actions would speak for her, and that by showing how sorry she is and how she has changed, that some day I might be able to forgive her.

She also said that she would never hurt me again nor allow anyone else to hurt me, as she had already hurt me enough to last 10 lifetimes, and I deserved never to be hurt like that ever again.

To say that I was pleasantly stunned by her outpouring of regret and sorrow for the hurt she had caused is a bit of an understatement....

.....but I am still hyper-vigilant though!!!!


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

*.....but I am still hyper-vigilant though!!!! *

Why?

You already know.

Are you going to be 'hyper-vigilant' to catch the 7th guy?

Or, the 8th?

What will it take? How many guys?


----------



## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

B&B every cheater cry to be forgiven after the discovery (specially women), but crying have nothing to do with she changing, I encourage you to read other threads here like ""headspin" where every time he caught his wife she cried and cried.

Crying is easy, it takes no effort and put the person crying in a postion of victim, so the BS can not lash as he should.

read "headspin" thread:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/private-members-section/152769-bombshells-dollops-icing-karma-top.html

his wife had 4 OM, every time she cried begged for forgivness and assured him that she will never hurt him again, and after every discovery she throw herself at him pleasuring him with sex, it took him 4 OMs but he fanilly realized that she would never change and he did the best for him

you already had 6 OM, and even in more despicables ways like her letting OM in your house while your daughter was there, how many OMs you need to learn that she will not change?


----------



## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

Wow!you are forgiving her.she said her actions will speak for her.it looks like they already did.she said she will not hurt you again.that is until the b
Next time she gets the itch and their is a repairman or gardener around to scratch it.I wish you luck.you are gonna need it.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I'm sorry if I missed it but what is your country of origin (you referred to your homeland) ?


----------



## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Please tell me i have this wrong and your not actually forgiving her.

Jesus wept!!!!!


----------



## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

You need to cut your losses and run. 

These many guys, she is like a drug addict. She can't stop. 

She will hurt you again and again and again. You need to wake up. You can not trust the words that come out of her mouth. This is not a one time mistake. All these guys, she has horrible boundaries and she can not stop her addiction. 

File for divorce and save your kids. All of these men around and some are felons. 

If you do not divorce and run for yourself, do it for your kids. You are not even on her starting basketball team, let alone a backup plan. 

I am sorry that you are in this situation, but save yourself and your kids, if you can.


----------



## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

what is she doing or going to do to demostrate you that she has changed?

the actions following for remorseful WS are normally:

- transparency: 
*sharing all paswords from FB, email accounts, skype and any other kind of social media communication. (without delating conversations or mails).
*sharing cell phone at request to check text messages.
*Letting always where she is, and always answering the pone when you call to verify
* GPS in car or cell phone to verify where she is.

- cutting toxic influcences:
*she have to cut any kind of relationship or communication with people who were enablers for her affairs to happen or who supported it (like her toxic friend)

- working on herself:
* she have to go to IC to understand why the affairs happened and how she can avoid something like this happenong again.

this are just the basics, but I still don't advice reconcilation in your case, your wife is obviously a serial cheater, and they just don't change.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> To say that I was *pleasantly stunned* by her outpouring of regret and sorrow for the hurt she had caused is a bit of an understatement....


Instead of pleasantly stunned; you should be cynically amused.


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

badmemory said:


> Instead of pleasantly stunned; you should be cynically amused.


:allhail:


----------



## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

Betrayed and Broken said:


> I think that my wife may now realise the damage she has done to me. She sat crying in front of me, and said that from now on in, even though she did not deserve me, that her actions would speak for her, and that by showing how sorry she is and how she has changed, that some day I might be able to forgive her.
> 
> She also said that she would never hurt me again nor allow anyone else to hurt me, as she had already hurt me enough to last 10 lifetimes, and I deserved never to be hurt like that ever again.
> 
> ...



Man, i just wish I had you in front of me... first i would give you a hug, because i feel your pain, but them i would slap you straight across your face! WAKE UP DUDE! let's grab a beer and re-read your thread


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

BANDB what world are you living in. Let me guess, for most of your marriage you probably worshipped this woman. You gave her everything, you were happy she would deign to call you husband. 
WAKE UP she is manipulating you. She associates with narcissistic sexual predators. She lies and guess what you are free and clear on the divorce front even your priest would let you out if you asked. 
Are you worried about being embarrassed. 
What is it going to take to realize that this woman is a cancer in your life. She doesn't care about her children or you or anyone. She's making the same promises she made the last six times.
What are you thinking. Do you think that being real serious for a week or two will make her change her ways. Dude you are her meal ticket. That's what she wants. Try this next time she says she'll never hurt you. Tell her for the next year she can't touch your money. She can get a job but you will provide a house and food. See how many tears fall after that.

Come on you are swaying back and forth like a pendulum on a clock. Stop listening to that gold digging, lying, cheating, abusive, child neglecting woman. And figure something out. Your daughter is getting exposed to this and she is in her teens what do you think your wife is going to be teaching her. Healthy sexual habits or to just go have fun and bang everything walking. Then get married and do the same thing but just make sure you're careful.
You can play paddy cake for the rest of your life and be miserable or you can try and find some happiness in this world. Then maybe you'll find someone that will actually care about you. 
What are you afraid of being alone... You're not you have a daughter to look out for. Why would you keep allowing yourself and her to be hurt. I mean what happens when your daughter starts dating in a few years. How many of your daughters' boyfriends will your wife run through????? 
I know this is tough love but I have a 6 month old daughter and I'd snap if I ever found out my wife had and affair that played out in front of her. It isn't just you that this is hurting.


----------



## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

jack.c said:


> Man, i just wish I had you in front of me... first i would give you a hug, because i feel your pain, but them i would slap you straight across your face! WAKE UP DUDE! let's grab a beer and re-read your thread


:iagree:

I would do exactly the same, then I will invite you a couple of beers while explaining you how I understand tha you want to delude yourself to keep the status quo and keep your family together, but that you will suffer more in the end if you insist in believing your wife fake lamentations


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

So BeyondandBroken do you want to divorce your WW or recover the marriage?


----------

