# Therapy, Health Insurance and COVID



## Salem Mary (Jan 19, 2021)

My husband told me he wanted a divorce almost a year ago. He separated our finances and moved out then. We have been married almost 10 years. We don't have kids. We tried counseling after he left, but it was clear he wasn't really into it. He still calls and drops by, I think to make himself feel better.

Questions: 

--I have been seeing a therapist. It is mostly useful and I'm wondering how many sessions people typically have. It is expensive and not covered by insurance. How many sessions is typical to emotionally process divorce? 

--My husband wants to delay filing until the end of year as he is on my health insurance. Other than trying not to cause difficulty in mediation, is there any reason to do this? 

--How are you with divorce in COVID? My bubble is just me.

Thank you.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Salem Mary said:


> I have been seeing a therapist. It is mostly useful and I'm wondering how many sessions people typically have. It is expensive and not covered by insurance. How many sessions is typical to emotionally process divorce?


There is really only one answer for this "As many as it takes for you". If you are making progress, and can afford it, then continue. If you feel that you are in a good place, then stop.



Salem Mary said:


> My husband wants to delay filing until the end of year as he is on my health insurance. Other than trying not to cause difficulty in mediation, is there any reason to do this?


Nope, there is not reason other than being nice. He is essentially being selfish, does he pay you for this or is it free to you? If you are paying for it, without reimbursement, then you need to consult a lawyer about it, if you care about the cost.



Salem Mary said:


> How are you with divorce in COVID? My bubble is just me.


I don't have an answer for this, but I would look to add someone if you can. If you have friends, then you can expand it to some of them if they are available. No one should be so alone, and you mentioned that your husband drops by. It is my assumption that he has a larger bubble than you, so essentially you are already in whatever bubble he has.


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## Salem Mary (Jan 19, 2021)

I don't have an answer for this, but I would look to add someone if you can. If you have friends, then you can expand it to some of them if they are available. No one should be so alone, and you mentioned that your husband drops by. It is my assumption that he has a larger bubble than you, so essentially you are already in whatever bubble he has.
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Thank you. I think I'll continue with the therapy and I'll call the mediator.

I don't let my ex in and we wear masks. Once he told me that he was dating again I told him that I get to control the size of my bubble and he wasn't welcome in my place.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

When you have been married for ten years, you will be able to apply for Social Security under his earnings. That will only benefit you if he is the higher earner. If you are, then it doesn't matter and less than ten years means he won't be able to file under yours.

Stop letting him come around. He isn't doing you any favors. You'll be able to move on more quickly without his continued presence. Is carrying him on your health insurance costing you money?


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## Salem Mary (Jan 19, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> When you have been married for ten years, you will be able to apply for Social Security under his earnings. That will only benefit you if he is the higher earner. If you are, then it doesn't matter and less than ten years means he won't be able to file under yours.
> 
> Stop letting him come around. He isn't doing you any favors. You'll be able to move on more quickly without his continued presence. Is carrying him on your health insurance costing you money?


I am the higher earner and I pay for his insurance. I was actually scheduled to retire and now I'll need to work another 5 years. 

I guess I am afraid that the mediator will tell me to pay it anyway and then he'll be angry and difficult to work with.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

Are you delaying mediation? If so, why?

I was so glad when my mediation was completed. While I was not happy with all results, it was a great relief when I knew what to expect.


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## Salem Mary (Jan 19, 2021)

attheend02 said:


> Are you delaying mediation? If so, why?
> 
> I was so glad when my mediation was completed. While I was not happy with all results, it was a great relief when I knew what to expect.


We haven't started mediation as he wants to wait to file. I have an appointment with a lawyer on Friday to get things started.

If you don't mind me asking, what weren't you happy with?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Salem Mary said:


> -My husband wants to delay filing until the end of year as he is on my health insurance. Other than trying not to cause difficulty in mediation, is there any reason to do this?


Part of a divorce agreement (and it must be in the decree) can be that he stays on your insurance for a specified length of time, as long as he pays his share of the cost.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

Salem Mary said:


> We haven't started mediation as he wants to wait to file. I have an appointment with a lawyer on Friday to get things started.
> 
> If you don't mind me asking, what weren't you happy with?


We did mediation in lieu of a lawyer. We had everything signed long before divorce proceedings. My state has a required separation period for 1 year, so we started mediation at the beginning of that period.

My unhappiness was actually due to me agreeing to pay her health insurance while she was living with another guy (she moved in with him about half way through separation). I didn't think to include a cohabitation clause in my agreement.

Other than that I was pretty lucky and kept things as friendly as was possible to avoid stupid arguments.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Part of a divorce agreement (and it must be in the decree) can be that he stays on your insurance for a specified length of time, as long as he pays his share of the cost.


Not sure how that would work. If you are officially divorced, an employer is under no obligation to cover an EX spouse.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Livvie said:


> Not sure how that would work. If you are officially divorced, an employer is under no obligation to cover an EX spouse.


No, but if the court orders it, they will.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He wants the divorce; he moved out; he is dating and wants you to pay for his health insurance. Really? He is quite the entitled snowflake. Hell no!!


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## Salem Mary (Jan 19, 2021)

Thanks to you all for the great advice. I reached out to a lawyer to discuss next steps and I will plan on connecting with a mediator (likely a different lawyer) to get everything moving.


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