# "I don't want any extra stress in my life right now"



## staircase (May 16, 2011)

This was the priceless line I got from soon to be ex today. Here are the things he can't be arsed to do:

1. Make a three sentence Craigslist ad then walk to the front door to collect $600 when the buyer shows up. He let me keep the money for his purchase since this ad was too stressful for him.

2. Figure out what to do with THE ENTIRE GODDAMN HOUSE. It's totally underwater and neither of us want it. I am living in it right now. We are either doing a strategic foreclosure or short sale. I have called three lawyers and two realtors and read countless things online. What are your thoughts? "Not sure."

He is not sure what to do about an entire mortgage.

I am clearly just complaining, but I do have a point. If he can't be bothered to walk to the front door for $600, what on earth would he ever do for us as a couple??


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Not much about you as a couple! The $600.00 is simpe enough; but what about the house? What do you mean by totally underwater? Do you mean literally underwater?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sort of sounds like my estranged husband. Didn't give a rat about anything important. Didn't bother to pay the mortgage, bank notes, any bills, speeding tickets, car insurance, or child/spousal support. His philosophy is that everything takes care of itself. Clearly flawed logic on his part.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Oh crap 827, sounds like my young son-in-law and I love him to death but I worry for my daughter sometimes; I think he is too laid back. I would like nothing more than to pass on some wisdom to him, but I do not want to intrude in their personal lives. Funny thing is that it is also bad to be on the other side of the spectrum - that was my flaw in our marriage. I took too much responsibility on for myself and in it I lost my ability to take more time to be affectionate to my wife. I have learned a lot from this terrible experience and that is that life requires balance in all aspects of it!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

brighterlight said:


> Not much about you as a couple! The $600.00 is simpe enough; but what about the house? What do you mean by totally underwater? Do you mean literally underwater?


I wish it were literally underwater to be honest. We owe a lot more than it's worth. The house has been an ongoing battle in my marriage which is a long boring story that doesn't need to be told. Imagine being totally bored-then you can assume you've heard the story.

It won't ever sell at all, much less sell for even close to what we owe. We didn't over extend ourselves or get a 2nd mortgage or anything but I'm sure we're not the only one whose house tanked in value.

827-are we divorcing the same person?? In my husband's defense doing nothing always did work out since I was stupid enough to come and play clean up after him. I shudder to think about all the unwashed dishes and towels in his apartment.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I don't know how foreclosure works in your state. In my state it's actually advantageous because it results in mediation. That's what I'm having to do, since my estranged husband abandoned our house. My cousin, who is a property attorney, will be representing me at mediation. He said we should be able to get the principle amount reduced to half and get interest cut to almost nothing. At least that's what I'm praying for. My husband had already ruined our credit, so that's not part of the consideration here.

That was me too. I always picked up after my husband too--especially in the financial realm. It was exhausting! My therapist says he is a "Peter Pan" and I've always been "Wendy". The problem really became dire when he had his mid-life crisis. He escaped to Never Never Land and took up with the Lost Boys and Tinkerbelle. Perhaps that's your scenario as well.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

brighterlight said:


> Oh crap 827, sounds like my young son-in-law and I love him to death but I worry for my daughter sometimes; I think he is too laid back. I would like nothing more than to pass on some wisdom to him, but I do not want to intrude in their personal lives. Funny thing is that it is also bad to be on the other side of the spectrum - that was my flaw in our marriage. I took too much responsibility on for myself and in it I lost my ability to take more time to be affectionate to my wife. I have learned a lot from this terrible experience and that is that life requires balance in all aspects of it!


Oh, I hope she doesn't have herself a "Peter Pan". I agree, though. There must be balance. And that was severely lacking in my 25 year marriage.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Ok, I got it. The value of the house tanked. I was wondering why you didn't call the insurance and instead called lawyers and realtors. 

Yeah, my stbxw and I are luckier than most in that we are in a market where we are going to lose money on the sale but not below original purchase price. So we will take a loss but still make a decent profit. We are willing to accept that in order to move on. So sad!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

827: it sucks. My husband makes GREAT money but can't manage it to save his life. Have you any idea how maddening it is to hear someone who makes 3x what you do say "I am so broke this week?" Funny you mentioned tickets, I get a parking ticket a day in the mail from his parking tomfoolery. I get all his credit card bills, stuff about his stupid car, etc. I wrote his business letters for him. GAH.

bright-the bank is more than welcome to the house. I am saving every penny that would go to the mortgage and I'm going to live here until the sheriff drags my deadbeat ass out into the street.

I know it's odd to say that in the same post admonishing my ex for his financial stupidity, but see that's why we call it a "stragetic foreclosure." See how much smarter I sound?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Is this guy just losing it? If he makes "great money", he's either selling drugs or he must have some business sense. He mentioned being too stressed to walk to a door to pick up some much-needed money. You think he might be tetering on the edge of a break-down?


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

staircase said:


> 827: it sucks. My husband makes GREAT money but can't manage it to save his life. Have you any idea how maddening it is to hear someone who makes 3x what you do say "I am so broke this week?" Funny you mentioned tickets, I get a parking ticket a day in the mail from his parking tomfoolery. I get all his credit card bills, stuff about his stupid car, etc. I wrote his business letters for him. GAH.
> 
> bright-the bank is more than welcome to the house. I am saving every penny that would go to the mortgage and I'm going to live here until the sheriff drags my deadbeat ass out into the street.
> 
> I know it's odd to say that in the same post admonishing my ex for his financial stupidity, but see that's why we call it a "stragetic foreclosure." See how much smarter I sound?


strategic foreclosure - :smthumbup: I don't blame you, I would be so ticked off if our housing market was going to make us lose the house during divorce since we only had 4 years left to pay on it. Great timing on her part!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Is this guy just losing it? If he makes "great money", he's either selling drugs or he must have some business sense. He mentioned being too stressed to walk to a door to pick up some much-needed money. You think he might be tetering on the edge of a break-down?


I do. I worry about him a lot and have for a while. 

He is an idiot savant in regards to what he does. He started making six figures by 25. Apparently you can make really good money by sleep walking through your life.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

staircase said:


> He is an idiot savant in regards to what he does. He started making six figures by 25. Apparently you can make really good money by sleep walking through your life.


LOL! We must have the same husband! However, I think mine has gotten into drugs since 2006. That is the only plausible explanation for his bizarre behavior. It was very evident when he showed up to court with his tart a few weeks ago. Neither of them were playing with a full deck.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Drugs or another woman would actually make sense. Crying your head off about how hard your life is when you have a golden horseshoe up your ass does not. He's clinically depressed and refuses to take meds so he doesn't squash his inner muse or something. Such a tortured little artist.


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## Ninja1980 (May 23, 2011)

Staircase, we are married to the same man! ISTG, I'm reading along this thread like, "yes, yes, YES!" to all of this. We even went through a strategic foreclosure (which is what I call it, too :smthumbup in December, although the difference is that I make all the money and he makes nothing (like, literally nothing - he got laid off and I'm supporting him while he goes back to school), and we *are* broke... but that's because despite the $00 he brings home he chooses to go out drinking by himself or with his alleged "tart" (I like that word). You're better off without him (and $600 richer right now, LOL).


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I am broke, he is not. I am picturing him making a money pool room in his apartment so he can swim through $100 bills. I do have to say he is a genius and deserves to be well paid, however we should all hate him for that. Anyway, him not paying this mortgage is like going out to eat one less day a week. For me it's HUGE. He's been paying extra each month since there is such a disparity in our income. I know that will promptly halt once the divorce hits the courts, though.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Ninja1980 said:


> Staircase, we are married to the same man! ISTG, I'm reading along this thread like, "yes, yes, YES!" to all of this. We even went through a strategic foreclosure (which is what I call it, too :smthumbup in December, although the difference is that I make all the money and he makes nothing (like, literally nothing - he got laid off and I'm supporting him while he goes back to school), and we *are* broke... but that's because despite the $00 he brings home he chooses to go out drinking by himself or with his alleged "tart" (I like that word). You're better off without him (and $600 richer right now, LOL).


Wow! Ladies, whoa, whoa, am I the only guy on here? "tart, tortured little artist, idiot savant, sleep walking through life, squash his inner muse!" :rofl: It makes me feel guilty or something just being a guy. I will have to conjur up some good ones for the H to use in the W's on here. 
:lol:


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Now come on, unless you are my soon to be ex I am sure you are a wonderful man!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

brighterlight said:


> Wow! Ladies, whoa, whoa, am I the only guy on here? "tart, tortured little artist, idiot savant, sleep walking through life, squash his inner muse!" :rofl: It makes me feel guilty or something just being a guy. I will have to conjur up some good ones for the H to use in the W's on here.
> :lol:


Don't take this one so personally BL. I can't imagine you ever caused your wife so much stress! Your wife really has no idea what she is walking away from. Maybe karma will kick in, and she'll end up with one of these men like we are describing. Anyway, I'll be looking forward to your creative list of names to describe us females.


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## Ninja1980 (May 23, 2011)

brighterlight said:


> Wow! Ladies, whoa, whoa, am I the only guy on here? "tart, tortured little artist, idiot savant, sleep walking through life, squash his inner muse!" :rofl: It makes me feel guilty or something just being a guy. I will have to conjur up some good ones for the H to use in the W's on here.
> :lol:


Hey, why did _I_ get quoted? I only used one of those words! :lol: Don't feel guilty for being a guy, I've read some of your posts on here and you seem like you have your business together, unlike the [strike]men[/strike] boys we happen to be complaining about in this particular post. 

But I do look forward to your list of female slurs (you can use tart for s_tart_ers)... hahaha


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

LOL! Oh Oh, I hope I didn't stir up the bee hive. 827 and ninja thank you both for those kind words. I was just having fun with those creative names some of you came up with; now I cornered myself into having to come up with some doozzies!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

OK, I've got one, "indurate little witch". That is kind of what I was looking for.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I had to look up "indurate"


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

LOL! I guess you picked up on the stone cold hardened part then. She seems to have put up a wall of indifference to me, the kids (although she loves them and they do love her regardless - she is their mother) but she seems to be this cold insensitive to other's person. I think she is experiencing a lot of resentment and she putting up the I don't care wall. She called down the thunder, she got it and now she is going on the defensive!


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

BL

Do you think your wife's decision to divorce had anything to do with her cancer scare last year? Maybe if she thought she was going to die, she realized she wanted something else out of life or maybe she doesn't want to see you suffer if the cancer comes back anymore and this is her way to avoid you going thru the pain?

Just curious and a thought.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Clinging said:


> BL
> 
> Do you think your wife's decision to divorce had anything to do with her cancer scare last year? Maybe if she thought she was going to die, she realized she wanted something else out of life or maybe she doesn't want to see you suffer if the cancer comes back anymore and this is her way to avoid you going thru the pain?
> 
> Just curious and a thought.


You know, I have thoght the same on both accounts but she can't act that good if she still loves me. I really think it's the first. I think it's because she/we married so young (19 yrs old), she never dated anyone else, she was tired of whatever faults I had in the marriage, she more than likely thinks/knows she wants something else, someone else, or more out of life - and the cancer was the tipping point - the, "if I don't do what I want know, I may never get a chance to." I have been mulling it over and maybe so. But it still leaves me and the kids stranded. And what about if her cancer comes back (God I hope to never say that again)? Who will be there by her side - the kids, they have their own lives, they will help but not day in and day out like I did for 13 months. I can not judge her on that because I have never been in her shoes; I only know the suffereing I endured seeing my SO in so much despair. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me - this divorce is second compared to that. She was the love of my life.

As for the caring so much - I doubt it! Why would she turn an entire family against her when she may need them the most? Why would she be acting so heartless and distant from me? Why has she not touched me in 5 weeks? No, I don't think this is it. No, I think she had her plan to try to make herself happy at all costs.

Nevertheless, I will repair my heart and hopefully sometime down the road, find someone who will truly love me back.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

827Aug Oh my gosh your spouse and mine must be related. Three months ago after an ED act, my husband bought a motorcycle, dyed his moustache and started going on these camping trips for 2 wks at a time since. He is going away again at the end of this month. He is constantly petting the damn motorcycle, buying horns, lights, trailers, travel packs, drinking flasks, the list is endless. He is 64 yrs old (11 yrs older than me). Is this a midlife, and we are going to sign papers next week to file divorce and he has yet to make the call. Mixed signals constantly. Wearing ring one day then not. I am going crazy if I don't keep the focus on myself.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sparkles422 said:


> 827Aug Oh my gosh your spouse and mine must be related. Three months ago after an ED act, my husband bought a motorcycle, dyed his moustache and started going on these camping trips for 2 wks at a time since. He is going away again at the end of this month. He is constantly petting the damn motorcycle, buying horns, lights, trailers, travel packs, drinking flasks, the list is endless. He is 64 yrs old (11 yrs older than me). Is this a midlife, and we are going to sign papers next week to file divorce and he has yet to make the call. Mixed signals constantly. Wearing ring one day then not. I am going crazy if I don't keep the focus on myself.


Yep, totally crazy, ain't it? Has he got a super young babe to be his motorcycle ornament, yet? Does he have his special motor cycle riding wardrobe also?......Stress is an understatement for those of us putting up with the crazy stuff!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

UPDATE: soon to be ex needed a "break" from talking to people this weekend. That meant he could not answer my text regarding selling/foreclosing on the damn house and I got a nasty email this morning about how insulting my text asking him to text me when he is done playing his little game.

Ok maybe I am overreacting-but ignoring questions about selling the house to avoid stress seems awfully juvenile to me. I wasn't nagging, I asked once two weeks ago and he said he would get back to me. I asked last night and he ignored the question all together.

soooo I'll make this easy. no more questions. let the foreclosure begin.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

staircase said:


> I asked once two weeks ago and he said he would get back to me.


That's what my estranged husband tells me and everyone else too. I'm sick of hearing that line! Translation: "You are on your own on this issue--I don't have a clue and I never will."



staircase said:


> soooo I'll make this easy. no more questions. let the foreclosure begin.


It's not so bad. It's a way to solve a problem with minimal effort. From what I understand I will just have to show up to one hearing and expend very little energy. That's better than bothering with the estranged husband anyway.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I live in a recourse state so the bank could come after us with a deficiency judgment. He's Mr. Moneybags he can pay it. I certainly don't want to bother him with information.

in such a BAD MOOD.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Stair, is there any way to ask the mortgage company for a "deed in lieu" of foreclosure? Since the economy is so bad, I am not sure if they will bargain for that anymore. Look up deed in lieu of foreclosure. If you are not familiar with that, it's sort of like a forgiveness of debt from the mortgage company (not exactly but close) and they recognize financial hardship cases and will take over your deed/house. Basically, it doesn't hurt your credit as bad as a straightforward foreclosure. The mortgage company gets to keep the house as an asset (like collateral) and you are free to move on. I know it isn't the best situation but it beats outright foreclosure. My wife and I had to do this many many years ago in the 80's when we got into a balloon mortgage (we were young, I know, terrible idea - I should have listened to my dad's advice not to do it) and the interest rates went through the roof over 20%. There was no way we could meet the mortgage. The mortgage company agreed to the deed in lieu and we were out of that house and into a new house (purchased) in less than 3 months. We have been great since then. Maybe a bankruptcy attorney can answer questions about that.

It is really up to the mortgage company to accept that offer.

Just a thought, maybe you already broached that subject.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Thank you bright, I will take ANY help I can get. I have been reading up on this crap nonstop. Right now my goal is to stay in the house as long as I can and save housing money. I'll probably do some half-assed loan mod requests to draw it out even longer. I hate banks right now.


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