# Erectile Dysfunction



## VillageLady40 (Jan 6, 2022)

Advice please
2 years ago my husband began to suffer with ED. This tied in with stress at work and stress meds. He visited GP re ED who checked heart etc and all ok. He has taken viagra since and is unable to maintain an erection to have sex with me without. However he watches porn and can get erect and climax to porn without the vigara. This is upsetting me so much and I would like an opinion on if this is normal for me to feel utterly destroyed by this. Thank you


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## Helping Hand (Sep 8, 2020)

VillageLady40 said:


> Advice please
> 2 years ago my husband began to suffer with ED. This tied in with stress at work and stress meds. He visited GP re ED who checked heart etc and all ok. He has taken viagra since and is unable to maintain an erection to have sex with me without. However he watches porn and can get erect and climax to porn without the vigara. This is upsetting me so much and I would like an opinion on if this is normal for me to feel utterly destroyed by this. Thank you


He’s watching porn and get satisfied which means he’s obsessed with a perfectly shaped women.

Did he ever compliment you when you both became intimate ?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Ouch !! I would imagine that does sting a bit. I’m a guy and yes I view porn but too much of anything isn’t a good thing especially when it comes to porn (drinking, gambling,etc) Like most addicting situations the addicted refuse to see it or honestly believe they don’t have a problem. I’m not saying he is addicted to porn but it sure sounds like there is a good chance.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

VillageLady40 said:


> Advice please
> 2 years ago my husband began to suffer with ED. This tied in with stress at work and stress meds. He visited GP re ED who checked heart etc and all ok. He has taken viagra since and is unable to maintain an erection to have sex with me without. However he watches porn and can get erect and climax to porn without the vigara. This is upsetting me so much and I would like an opinion on if this is normal for me to feel utterly destroyed by this. Thank you


i am a man who because of age has dealt with ED. Yes course this situation you have is abnormal. But otoh, your feeling “totally destroyed” and exhibiting that to your husband could be contributing to the problem. It doesnt take much for even a transitory physical to take on a psychological aspect. All it takes is a few wrong words or attitude from the female. Men can be extremely sensitive to any performance issues. Porn isn’t complaining about him not getting it up without viagra. It doesnt put any pressure on him, so he can relax and enjoy.

He has subconsciously learned that viagra enables him to perform for you, so he doesnt want to take off the training wheels with you. And the porn reassures him in his head that he still has a mojo. If you could find it in you to just ignore the viagra it might help. I mean why do you care if he is using a little blue pill? If you want to wean him off of viagra and porn, you must establish a no pressure atmosphere with him. When he begins to watch porn, join him and begin working on him. Let him know there is NO performance pressure, you just want to enjoy being together with one another.

Just fwiw, my wife’s nonchalant approach to my problems went a long way to correcting them. In my case HRT also helped a lot. My wife has never been”devastated” by me using ED meds. I have never used porn since about age 15.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

VillageLady40 said:


> However he watches porn and can get erect and climax to porn without the vigara. This is upsetting me so much and I would like an opinion on if this is normal for me to feel utterly destroyed by this.


It is "normal" for your husband to exhibit the ability to get erect and climax without viagra, while requiring it with you. I don't advocate porn in any circumstance. However, I understand that it can be a fantasy, much like Superman or Batman. It can also be insidious in this respect. Porn allows a man to have the "perfect" encounter, without psychological pressure to "perform". That is why many men, and I think your husband, who are in the beginning stages of ED, can be "successful" without viagra when masturbating, but require the vasodilation to overcome "performance anxiety" with their wives.

It is also "normal" for you to feel "utterly destroyed" by an understanding which you have accepted (which is a lie) that you are somehow deficient when compared to the porn ladies. You aren't. There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly adequate as a sexual partner for your husband, in every respect. It is a DISEASE process in your husband which has caused this predicament, not you. 

Your husband would be FAR LESS CAPABLE were he actually attempting sex with one of the porn women. I'm guessing that not even viagra would "work" in any kind of REAL circumstance. Sex with you is REAL, and my money would be on that he gets more excited and stimulated by you than any stupid picture. 

Perhaps the same process has occurred in me, too. I am pushing 70 years old now and cannot become erect at all, no matter what stimulus is applied. When I think about my wife and how beautiful her body is and how I used to spring to attention within seconds when I kissed her, I can say with complete certainty that my lack of erection is in no way whatsoever due to any deficiency in her. We still "do it" and I become incredibly aroused, just like I did years ago, but cannot "perform" anymore. Yes, she is older, and so am I, and the changes of time have worked their way onto both of us. But when I touch her in bed, I go back 40 years of time in my mind. This was true even when I still could become erect.

I'm betting this is the same for your husband.

Use the viagra, and accept this as one of God's rich provisions for us through His medical science. Yes, He gave us medical scientists, and helps them to discover His inventions.
If I were speaking to your husband, I would advise him to stay away from the porn, and to preserve the purity of his marital bed.


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## VillageLady40 (Jan 6, 2022)

TJW said:


> It is "normal" for your husband to exhibit the ability to get erect and climax without viagra, while requiring it with you. I don't advocate porn in any circumstance. However, I understand that it can be a fantasy, much like Superman or Batman. It can also be insidious in this respect. Porn allows a man to have the "perfect" encounter, without psychological pressure to "perform". That is why many men, and I think your husband, who are in the beginning stages of ED, can be "successful" without viagra when masturbating, but require the vasodilation to overcome "performance anxiety" with their wives.
> 
> It is also "normal" for you to feel "utterly destroyed" by an understanding which you have accepted (which is a lie) that you are somehow deficient when compared to the porn ladies. You aren't. There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly adequate as a sexual partner for your husband, in every respect. It is a DISEASE process in your husband which has caused this predicament, not you.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for this 


Helping Hand said:


> He’s watching porn and get satisfied which means he’s obsessed with a perfectly shaped women.
> 
> Did he ever compliment you when you both became intimate ?
> 
> ...


yes he does 😀


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## VillageLady40 (Jan 6, 2022)

Rus47 said:


> i am a man who because of age has dealt with ED. Yes course this situation you have is abnormal. But otoh, your feeling “totally destroyed” and exhibiting that to your husband could be contributing to the problem. It doesnt take much for even a transitory physical to take on a psychological aspect. All it takes is a few wrong words or attitude from the female. Men can be extremely sensitive to any performance issues. Porn isn’t complaining about him not getting it up without viagra. It doesnt put any pressure on him, so he can relax and enjoy.
> 
> He has subconsciously learned that viagra enables him to perform for you, so he doesnt want to take off the training wheels with you. And the porn reassures him in his head that he still has a mojo. If you could find it in you to just ignore the viagra it might help. I mean why do you care if he is using a little blue pill? If you want to wean him off of viagra and porn, you must establish a no pressure atmosphere with him. When he begins to watch porn, join him and begin working on him. Let him know there is NO performance pressure, you just want to enjoy being together with one another.
> 
> Just fwiw, my wife’s nonchalant approach to my problems went a long way to correcting them. In my case HRT also helped a lot. My wife has never been”devastated” by me using ED meds. I have never used porn since about age 15.


Thank you for this. I have been kind and loving and patient towards my husband throughout this. I am not totally destroyed by the ED I realise that this is a common problem- I just feel upset that it may have been caused by porn watching


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

This is one of the ways porn wrecks men. They get used to visual stimuli for arousal which trains them away from the sensations of being with an actual woman. Sadly, his paid (or abused) porn actors are likely more aggressive, acrobatic, younger, fitter, and more sexually deviant- than you.

I’d tell hubby that he needs to get treatment, give up all porn and access to it, or he can hit the road.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I agree with @CatholicDad It is obvious this man has a porn problem. ED doesn't come and go if it is physical. He has overstimulated his brain with porn and he can't get enough stimulation anymore from real sex.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

VillageLady40 said:


> Advice please
> 2 years ago my husband began to suffer with ED. This tied in with stress at work and stress meds. He visited GP re ED who checked heart etc and all ok. He has taken viagra since and is unable to maintain an erection to have sex with me without. However he watches porn and can get erect and climax to porn without the vigara. This is upsetting me so much and I would like an opinion on if this is normal for me to feel utterly destroyed by this. Thank you


I was about to suggest some good advice until I read about the porn.

That's the problem and it has to go.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

VillageLady40 said:


> However he watches porn and can get erect and climax to porn without the vigara. This is upsetting me so much and I would like an opinion on if this is normal for me to feel utterly destroyed by this. Thank you


I've never suffered with ED, but I am familiar with anxiety as it relates to intimacy. 

I would recommend you try the following experiment just for fun. Pleasure yourself in front of your husband and tell him that he is not allowed to touch you or himself. Make him a bet that he has to avoid an erection while watching you or else you will stop what you are doing and he doesn't get a second chance to watch. 

Odds are he will fail and get an erection. The reason is that he has zero pressure to please you nor get an erection for your pleasure. He will have anxiety, but it will be the opposite anxiety compared to what he normally experiences. 

At the core of this experiment is the notion that arousal can't be forced. Arousal has to be free to fail at what one wants it to do. Ironically one's arousal can easily be manipulated by being playful in counterintuitive ways. Once you learn how to do it, you can unlock a lot of possibilities of new ways to have fun. 

You however have to be confident and embrace failure as a fun way to learn. Perhaps he never gets erect, but odds are he will enjoy the show and beg to join.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It's not going to change until he stops the porn. Say that you want him to stop the porn for the sake of your marriage.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

VillageLady40 said:


> Advice please
> 2 years ago my husband began to suffer with ED. This tied in with stress at work and stress meds. He visited GP re ED who checked heart etc and all ok. He has taken viagra since and is unable to maintain an erection to have sex with me without. However he watches porn and can get erect and climax to porn without the vigara. This is upsetting me so much and I would like an opinion on if this is normal for me to feel utterly destroyed by this. Thank you


I'll make a confession here in hopes it highlights what everyone is saying and drive the point home. 

I've always used porn to some degree, since I was in my teens. I never really had any problems with it. Didn't affect my marriage, all was good. I have gone very long stretches without it too, so it was obvious I could do without it. However, as we get older we change, physically, and I'm no exception. Everything still functional and all, but not like when I was twenty and a stiff breeze could get me hard. 

Not that long ago I started looking at porn a lot more than typical. I wasn't masturbating all day long or anything like that, but pretty much out of boredom I would be looking at porn on Twitter (yes, huge amount of porn on Twitter) and other sites when I had nothing better to do. About that time I started to develop delayed ejaculation, which if you don't know, is when a man can't or has great difficulty achieving orgasm. In small doses it isn't all bad. It gives you the ability to be a stud and go all night long and I'm not hung up on having to orgasm each and every time, so long as it was enjoyable for both the wife and I. Over time it happened more often. Now it started to effect my wife. She starts wondering why I can't get off and she literally starts getting worn out. Now I've got this worry in my head every time we go to have sex. Being in your own head worrying is not conducive to good sex. The last straw was when not only couldn't I orgasm, but I also started losing my erection.

Up to that point I wasn't even thinking about porn as a potential issue. I didn't waste any time and went to the Dr. Got a thorough exam and he prescribed Viagra. It stopped the going soft issue, but not the DE. Also, having to time taking Viagra is a pain in the ass. I started doing my own research. Tried some supplements and they really didn't do anything. Then I found some info about porn causing poor dopamine response to real sex in regular porn users. I stopped the porn and started to some mindfulness exercises to help get me out of my own head. Viola! DE was basically gone and no need for Viagra. I will still take Viagra on occasion when we have a big night or weekend adventure planned, just because it really does work and improve performance, even can enable multiple orgasms (for me and her). After about two weeks of no porn I was back to my old self. I suspect the longer it has been an issue the longer you may have to go without the stimulus of porn before things improve.

So, the point of all this is porn is obviously the issue with your husband. In spite of my issues I still don't say all people should avoid porn. That is their choice and it may not effect them negatively at all. However, when its consumption gets to the point that it has a negative effect on you and your marriage it has to stop.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I'll make a confession here in hopes it highlights what everyone is saying and drive the point home.
> 
> I've always used porn to some degree, since I was in my teens. I never really had any problems with it. Didn't affect my marriage, all was good. I have gone very long stretches without it too, so it was obvious I could do without it. However, as we get older we change, physically, and I'm no exception. Everything still functional and all, but not like when I was twenty and a stiff breeze could get me hard.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the data. Sincerely.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

OP,

I'm sorry for your situation.

It seems as if he's choosing porn over you, in a way.

The odds are pretty good that if he quit porn, he'd be able to have sex with you. If he won't stop porn, then he's choosing it over you.

Related to this, since I don't know anything about him is his health, his weight, his diet etc.

For many men, improving their diet, their health, working out and such improves or gets rid of their ED issues. I said for many men, not all.

Maybe he is really healthy, but if he isn't and he hasn't made any changes, that's quite telling too.

My larger point is that when one has an issue or a problem in life, they'll either work on resolving it, or they won't.

Far too many just want a pill to "fix" their issue and I'm not just talking about ED now mind you.

Many times folks could make many other changes to improve things for themselves, their life, their partner, but they don't.

Is he selfish in other ways too? To me, it's selfish of him to not really work on resolving this. He should care about being able to be intimate with you, his wife, the love of his life, his life partner etc.

Just taking a pill isn't actually working on his issue. He's just applying a band-aid instead of actually resolving the issue.

I hope he actually works on addressing and resolving this, for you and him.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

VillageLady40 said:


> Advice please
> *2 years ago my husband began to suffer with ED*. This tied in with *stress at work and stress meds*. He visited GP re ED who *checked heart etc and all ok. He has taken viagra since and is unable to maintain an erection to have sex with me (without)*. However he watches porn and can get erect and climax to porn without the vigara. *This is upsetting me* so much and *I would like an opinion *on if this is normal for me to feel utterly destroyed by this. Thank you


Ok, ED can be the first warning of a serious medical condition. He got checked out and it appears that is not the problem. This is great news.

Now, the question that your H should be addressing is; can he figure out ways to minimize stress or work with his doctor so stress med's don't interfere with his ability to get & maintain and erection? Also, has he shared with you and the doctor that he is having a problem getting and maintaining an erection while on Viagra? Do both you and know the medical use of Viagra? Is he taking it 30 minutes to 1 hour prior to sexual activity on an empty stomach? Is he getting adequate foreplay of mental sexual stimulation in the 30 minutes to 1 hour prior to sexual intercourse? Does his dosage need to be adjusted of the Viagra? You should talk to him about all those things.

Yes, the porn could be a problem or not from a physical reaction standpoint. However, it is clearly a problem from your perspective. You need to sympathetically talk to him about the physical biological issues he is having. You need to talk to him that you are not happy about his use of porn when he isn't being able to have sex with you. You need to work together to see if you can both finds ways that each of you gets what they need.

Is there something, like role playing or special foreplay by you can can get him so stimulated that he can finish in a way the you enjoy? If the two of you can't figure out how to reach a mutually satisfactory compromise, then get a marriage counselor to help you work out how you can both have the lives you want.

Good Luck.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

A18S37K14H18 said:


> For many men, improving their diet, their health, working out and such improves or gets rid of their ED issues. I said for many men, not all.


True. But age and it's effects marches onward. 


A18S37K14H18 said:


> Just taking a pill isn't actually working on his issue. He's just applying a band-aid instead of actually resolving the issue.


So what is the problem with taking Viagra? Or Cialis? How about Aspirin for heart issues? Nitro Glycerine for angina? Vitamins? Estrogen and Progesterone? They are all just pills.

I am not understanding OP's problem with her husband using it. It's like he must have sex with her on her terms. I personally believe her harping on it is causing a psychological ED and he needs the drug to overcome that. The porn stars on the TV aren't giving a hard time while he is having fun. Noone to please but himself. It is easier for him than doing the dance his wife insists he dance. It might even be a placebo effect, it works because he believes it will. Thankfully my wife doesn't give a damn if I take Viagra, Cialis, or nothing. It is my business. 



Young at Heart said:


> Do both you and know the medical use of Viagra? Is he taking it 30 minutes to 1 hour prior to sexual activity on an empty stomach? Is he getting adequate foreplay of mental sexual stimulation in the 30 minutes to 1 hour prior to sexual intercourse?


Actually, the sildenifil (generic "viagra") I take is in the form of a sublingual dose in a troche from a local compounding pharmacy, It is also way cheaper than branded viagra. It doesn't pass through the digestive tract. So I can take it before, after, or during a meal for that matter. Makes no difference because it goes directly into the blood stream. No stomach upset either. And the dosage is effective from 1/2 to 2 hours before the action. If timing is an issue, Tadalafil (generic Cialis) low dose daily at 5 mg will maintain effectiveness anytime of day or night once establish the daily routine. Also much cheaper than branded Cialis. I have used both, and had no issues with either. My wife never harped on me taking (or not) either of them. In my case, T injection every two weeks eliminated need for either.

All of this stuff MUST be under doctor's supervision and recognize side effects and interactions with other meds older men often take ( BP meds and Nitrates for instance), Self medicating may cause a one-way trip to the cemetery.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

He doesn't have an erectile problem, he has a "you" problem.

He apparently has no trouble getting it up for a video and his hand.

I'm not disparaging you. He is ridiculous but definitely doesn't have ED.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> So what is the problem with taking Viagra? Or Cialis?


Nothing if a person has exhausted other means. If a person is unhealthy, not eating well, stressed out, overweight, using porn to excess and they need to use those pills simply just to have intercourse with their partner, it isn't good.

If a man is doing all of the clean living and still needs to use those pills, that's what they are there for.

My larger point was that far too many just rely on pills and I'm not just talking about sex.

Many become diabetic due to piss poor eating and lack of exercise. Many have high blood pressure and need meds due to piss poor eating and lack of exercise.

Yes, many people are really healthy, work out, eat well and still have high blood pressure, but I'm NOT talking about those people.

Many are lazy and they just want a pill to "cure" all of their ills when they very well could "cure" themselves via better lifestyle choices.

So, when you ask what is wrong with taking those pills, it isn't that cut and dried. For many, there is nothing wrong with taking them. Many others rely on them when they wouldn't have to and that seems wrong to me.

So many folks are unhappy, stressed out yet they don't eat well, don't get enough sleep, they don't drink enough proper fluids, they come home, sit on their behinds, drink alcohol, smoke, some do drugs and they wonder why they don't feel well or they complain about being tired so often.

So they take their blood pressure pills, their Viagra, their anti-depressant meds when there are other things they could be doing to not be in that boat.

Again, some people do work out, live well, eat well etc. and they still need anti-depressants and that's fine, I'm glad those pills exist.

To me, there isn't anything wrong with all of those kinds of meds (blood pressure, Viagra, anti-depressants).

To me, it becomes wrong when folks rely on them to "cure" ills they could remedy themselves by simply choosing to live different and better lives.

I'm glad meds of all kinds exist for people. I don't feel that just because we have lots of meds and so many different kinds of pills out there that people should abandon living well and taking care of themselves because they can just get a pill to take of their issue.

Folks should try to avoid those kinds of things and then if they still need those things, so be it, that's why those pills are there.

Folks should be an adult, do what is right, set good examples, be there for their families, their partners.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

A18S37K14H18 said:
For many men, improving their diet, their health, working out and such improves or gets rid of their ED issues. I said for many men, not all.




Rus47 said:


> True. But age and it's effects marches onward.
> 
> 
> Rus, when you said age and it's effects marches onward, I covered that when I said "For many men" (many does not mean all and that's one of the things I was getting at).
> ...


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

VillageLady40 said:


> Advice please
> 2 years ago my husband began to suffer with ED. This tied in with stress at work and stress meds. He visited GP re ED who checked heart etc and all ok. He has taken viagra since and is unable to maintain an erection to have sex with me without. However he watches porn and can get erect and climax to porn without the vigara. This is upsetting me so much and I would like an opinion on if this is normal for me to feel utterly destroyed by this. Thank you


Have him get off the porn and unscramble / reset his neurological wiring.
@CatholicDad, you’re welcome.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

It could be performance anxiety with you, no harm or insult intended. I don't know your husband's mind set, but the porn could be all fantasy, no stress or worries about getting off and no worries about disappointing your partner. Also,do you and your husband plan out having sex? If you know if and when you are going to do it, you have all day to worry about screwing it up. Being spontaneous can help. This could be more psychological than physical, just some thoughts.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

I am sure this is psychological issue. I started experiencing ED this year and I myself and all doctors I talked to confirmed it is psychological. Even my own wife says the same. They prescribed me Viagra and it worked perfectly. And it worked perfectly by not curing any medical issue but curing psychological issue.

Don't buy porn BS about "obsessed with a perfectly shaped women ". It has nothing to do with this. Porn does not put psychological pressure to perform but real sex does. That's why when watching porn does not have any ED problems while in real sex you may not be able to get or keep it up. I know this very well because I am in the same boat. and this is despite having super supportive and sensitive wife. After failing few times in a row you start panicking and your brain simply does not permit you to relax and get hard and enjoy sex. ED medications take this physiological pressure off.

The problem has nothing to do with porn addiction.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

He can “write” his own porn with you if that’s what turns him on. Perhaps whisper to you some hot fantasies while you engage in foreplay. He’s not dependent this way on watching a movie, and equates the pleasurable ideas with physical enjoyment with you. A friend with ED says this has worked wonders. Perhaps suggest this to hubby?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

A18S37K14H18 said:


> Many have high blood pressure and need meds due to piss poor eating and lack of exercise.


That’s true but it can also be genetic. I have basically had it since high school and I am not overweight and I exercise enough to be considered an athlete. My uncle and my grandfather same thing. So I take the pills.

I doubt it is caused by porn.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> That’s true but it can also be genetic. I have basically had it since high school and I am not overweight and I exercise enough to be considered an athlete. My uncle and my grandfather same thing. So I take the pills.
> 
> I doubt it is caused by porn.


Diabetes, age, stress, and genetics.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I am sure this is psychological issue. I started experiencing ED this year and I myself and* all doctors I talked to confirmed it is psychological.* Even my own wife says the same. They prescribed me Viagra and it worked perfectly. And it worked perfectly by not curing any medical issue but curing psychological issue.
> 
> Don't buy porn BS about "obsessed with a perfectly shaped women ". It has nothing to do with this. Porn does not put psychological pressure to perform but real sex does. That's why when watching porn does not have any ED problems while in real sex you may not be able to get or keep it up. I know this very well because I am in the same boat. and this is despite having super supportive and sensitive wife. *After failing few times in a row you start panicking and your brain simply does not permit you to relax and get hard and enjoy sex. ED medications take this physiological pressure off.*
> 
> The problem has nothing to do with porn addiction.


*Exactly! *You and I have both actually *walked* that road. And I have never used porn of any kind. I believe the reason the ED meds help the psychological is because we believe they will work. It is the placebo effect. Maybe a blue colored sugar pill would work as well. For sure, a doctor can determine if the issue is physical ( as in poor penile blood flow ) or psychological. After a failure to launch, what is playing in your head on next encounter is "wonder it it is going to work this time?" instead of being in the moment. Every failure gets amplified the next time. And even if the wife is kind and exerts no pressure, we exert the pressure on ourselves. 

I can imagine a man turning to porn to determine if he can still become aroused, to see if he is still some sort of a man. I can just imagine what it would have been like if my wife had been byching about my performance failures. If a woman works hard enough, she can make the husband to where he will *NEVER* be able to get it up with her ever again.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Rus47 said:


> True. But age and it's effects marches onward.
> 
> So what is the problem with taking Viagra? Or Cialis? How about Aspirin for heart issues? Nitro Glycerine for angina? Vitamins? Estrogen and Progesterone? They are all just pills.
> 
> ...


It might be best to combine some 1970s meds with the viagra. 

To him, viagra and a 714.
To her a 714.

Fun could be had. 🤣🤣🤣


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> *Exactly! *You and I have both actually *walked* that road. And I have never used porn of any kind. I believe the reason the ED meds help the psychological is because we believe they will work. It is the placebo effect. Maybe a blue colored sugar pill would work as well. For sure, a doctor can determine if the issue is physical ( as in poor penile blood flow ) or psychological. After a failure to launch, what is playing in your head on next encounter is "wonder it it is going to work this time?" instead of being in the moment. Every failure gets amplified the next time. And even if the wife is kind and exerts no pressure, we exert the pressure on ourselves.
> 
> I can imagine a man turning to porn to determine if he can still become aroused, to see if he is still some sort of a man. I can just imagine what it would have been like if my wife had been byching about my performance failures. If a woman works hard enough, she can make the husband to where he will *NEVER* be able to get it up with her ever again.


The only concern with Viagra I had was if I can take it forever without any side effects and if I can take daily since we have daily sex. Different doctors told me different things but after some research I do take it daily. However I cannot take it more often than once in 24 hrs. It means if I took it previous day at night I cannot take next day in the morning and mid-day and we have to wait until night to enjoy our sex. But it took my mind of performance anxiety and I really enjoy sex now to its full extent.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> The only concern with Viagra I had was if I can take it forever without any side effects and if I can take daily since we have daily sex. Different doctors told me different things but after some research I do take it daily. However I cannot take it more often than once in 24 hrs. It means if I took it previous day at night I cannot take next day in the morning and mid-day and we have to wait until night to enjoy our sex. But it took my mind of performance anxiety and I really enjoy sex now to its full extent.


If you take low dose (5mg. ) taldinafil (generic cialis) every day at same time it lasts 24 hour and so you neednt be concerned about schedule. Also makes no difference if eat before or not. Ask your doctor about it.

I think the viagra dosage limits apply to the higher 100mg dosages. I have taken a 25mg troche early morning and afternoon without a problem. Again ask doctor

I guess this is a T/J so will stop. Apologies


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> He can “write” his own porn with you if that’s what turns him on. Perhaps whisper to you some hot fantasies while you engage in foreplay. He’s not dependent this way on watching a movie, and equates the pleasurable ideas with physical enjoyment with you. A friend with ED says this has worked wonders. Perhaps suggest this to hubby?


If the couple has a cooperative loving spirit in their relationship, all this stuff can be worked out. If not, it cant.


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## VillageLady40 (Jan 6, 2022)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I am sure this is psychological issue. I started experiencing ED this year and I myself and all doctors I talked to confirmed it is psychological. Even my own wife says the same. They prescribed me Viagra and it worked perfectly. And it worked perfectly by not curing any medical issue but curing psychological issue.
> 
> Don't buy porn BS about "obsessed with a perfectly shaped women ". It has nothing to do with this. Porn does not put psychological pressure to perform but real sex does. That's why when watching porn does not have any ED problems while in real sex you may not be able to get or keep it up. I know this very well because I am in the same boat. and this is despite having super supportive and sensitive wife. After failing few times in a row you start panicking and your brain simply does not permit you to relax and get hard and enjoy sex. ED medications take this physiological pressure off.
> 
> The problem has nothing to do with porn addiction.


Thank you so very much. Can you understand though how a wife may think this is the case? I needed to hear these opinions and advice


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> If you take low dose (5mg. ) taldinafil (generic cialis) every day at same time it lasts 24 hour and so you neednt be concerned about schedule. Also makes no difference if eat before or not. Ask your doctor about it.
> 
> I think the viagra dosage limits apply to the higher 100mg dosages. I have taken a 25mg troche early morning and afternoon without a problem. Again ask doctor
> 
> I guess this is a T/J so will stop. Apologies


I was prescribed and take 50 mg. I was told by both a doctor and a pharmacist not to take it more than once every 24 hrs.

My doctor told me that low dose daily Cialis is not for ED but for prostate issue.

Another small issue with Viagra because it works during relatively short time it takes away some spontaneously in sex. And yes, you cannot yet when taking it.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Captain Obvious said:


> It could be performance anxiety with you, no harm or insult intended. I don't know your husband's mind set, but the porn could be all fantasy, no stress or worries about getting off and no worries about disappointing your partner. Also,do you and your husband plan out having sex? If *you know if and when you are going to do it, you have all day to worry about screwing it up.* Being spontaneous can help. This could be more psychological than physical, just some thoughts.


I actually had one night, laying awake at 3AM worrying because knew wife would be looking for intimacy at 6AM. By the time 6AM arrived, had psyched myself into total self fulfilling reality. Wife response after trying to get me going was, “well we will try later”.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I was prescribed and take 50 mg. I was told by both a doctor and a pharmacist not to take it more than once every 24 hrs.
> 
> My doctor told me that low dose daily Cialis is no for ED but for prostate issue.


Your doctor is wrong about low dose cialis. My doctor started me in 5mg from the first because scheduling wasnt an issue. Lot of doctors, even urologists arent too knowledgable on male sexual dysfunction.

After all arent all males so studly they never have a problem getting it up? All wife needs to do is show up? If old man cant get it up, he either has a sidepiece or is choking chicken 24/7. Right?


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Interesting. Personally I find much porn to be very formula, predictable and boring. I need a romantic type scenario where no one is being used. A sharing.

I was recently castrate as treatment for prostate cancer. With no testosterone to drive arousal, castrate men need erotic fantasy and physical stimulus. For me a partner fills both these.

However, I found that when I had to use erotic fantasy I found it more arousing to watch another man having intercourse. I suspect this may be because I was "broken" and the healthy man was my healthy self. Dunno whether this is analogous to your hubby's situation.


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