# sex 6-8 times in last 4 years



## farmer30 (May 17, 2009)

our son was born almost 4 years ago we have had sex 6 maybe 8 times cinch then. I am going nuts and getting bitter toward my wife because of this.She says she is always tired and will lay in bed half the day when she is not at work then say she is tired right after we get the kids in bed and will go to bed herself.We both had a good sex drive when we first got married , her maybe more i would even turn her down sometimes. After we had our daughter 6 years ago we did not have sex as much but still somewhat normal. Now she tells me she could care less if she ever had sex again. I still love her and am still attracted to her she says the same , so why dont she want to have sex any more?Neither one of us look much different than when we got married , a little older but about the same weight and everything .I think she is even more attractive now but feel she might not think the same.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well it is a catch22 if you stop having sex, then you stop desiring it. The more you have it the more you want it.

You guys need to plan it out, have date nights, you need to find the time for it. Even if it's a quickie.

just take her...grab her one day, take her upstairs and make love to her.

hell I go nuts if I don't have sex in a week


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

farmer30-

Is it possible that resentment has gradually crept into her heart in the last few years?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

farmer30-

Actually, thinking about your post, I would say the most likely thing that comes to mind is that she perceives you as lacking backbone, or even a bit of a door-mat. From what I've found, the top two biggest turn-offs for women are:

Lack of spine
Control freak husband


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## farmer30 (May 17, 2009)

No I am not a control freak and I do not lack spine. We get along really good very little fights alot less now than when we were having sex on a normal basis.What i dont understand is she only works part time and does not do alot of house chores and is always tired.There has to be a physical or mental issue. I work between 80 to 100 hours a week and average 4-5 hours of sleep and am not as tired as her.I try to initiate sex and she will turn me down or sometimes even get pissed. She tells me it is her not me . She even went to her doctor a month ago to find out why she is so tired and lacks sex drive all the time , they ran a few different test and everything looks normal so far, but she has not went back to do more.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

farmer30-

OK, you're taxing my brain now! would you mind reading this and tell me if you match any of the paragraphs. Sorry it's a bit long, but I tried to cram in everything I could think of that was non-hormonal: Sexless Marriage?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

So you work 80-100 hour weeks and wonder why your isolated wife doesn't want to have sex with you?

Why do you work more than twice a full time job?

Maybe you ought to invest attention at home and slice off some of that work load.

You need to spend time with her in ways other than leading up to having sex.

Repair the rejection.


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## suigeneris (May 18, 2009)

Hey farmer,

It sounds like she's lost interest in sex. It happens. It may not be you and in fact her. I think you should try to build a friendship with her again. Try to talk more and perhaps ease into what's going on with her. There is something going on with her and i can't put my finger on it without knowing her. Communication may be the key in this one. She has to find a way to talk about what's going on in her mind. This may require a professional like a psychologist. (not a psychiatrist) Try to get her to go alone and talk about her life and what she wants out of it.


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## Sufficiently Breathless (May 18, 2009)

You say she lost interest since having the baby.. she feels tired all the time.. and she lays in bed a lot...

could be postpartum depression... Has she been checked?


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## musicaldreams (Jan 5, 2013)

suigeneris said:


> Hey farmer,
> 
> It sounds like she's lost interest in sex. It happens. It may not be you and in fact her. I think you should try to build a friendship with her again. Try to talk more and perhaps ease into what's going on with her. There is something going on with her and i can't put my finger on it without knowing her. Communication may be the key in this one. She has to find a way to talk about what's going on in her mind. This may require a professional like a psychologist. (not a psychiatrist) Try to get her to go alone and talk about her life and what she wants out of it.


This is very good advice. I wish I could use it in my situation. If I told my wife to go to a therapist she would get mad at me ... and then NOT go.


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## musicaldreams (Jan 5, 2013)

MarkTwain said:


> farmer30-
> 
> Actually, thinking about your post, I would say the most likely thing that comes to mind is that she perceives you as lacking backbone, or even a bit of a door-mat. From what I've found, the top two biggest turn-offs for women are:
> 
> ...


I am sure we can make long list sof things that turn-off men and women, husbands and wives. I am neither of the above, and neither is she, but we have no sex life whatsoever. The last time my wife and I had sex was in a hotel room on her birthday a year and a half ago.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Nice. Bumping a 4 year old thread.


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