# Kissing After Infidelity



## DNJ (Jun 4, 2015)

A couple of months ago, my girlfriend and I were in a rough patch. Our communication had gotten stale, and we were not really expressing emotion for each other (probably both related). During this time, she decided to meet up with someone she had met online. According to her, they had a couple of dates and kissed. We have moved past a lot of it, and I have decided – _at least for now_ – to just believe her. Believe that she’s being truthful with me, and that the extent of her cheating was limited to kissing one individual on multiple occasions. Even with all this in motion, with all of the wonderful things she has done to help us, and with our moving forward in a lot of ways, I’m still having great difficulty with one thing:
I cannot bring myself to kiss her. We will lightly kiss, but not really *Kiss*.

Next to sexual intimacies, kissing was the most intense, special and loving thing we shared… that I have ever shared with anyone ever, actually. We would look forward to it when we were apart, and when we were together we couldn’t get enough of it. That all died the moment she took that incredibly intimate and special piece of us that we perfected (with each other), and shared it with a random internet scoundrel. She took something that was so immensely centric and important to us, and gave it away like it meant nothing. As I said, we had reached a rough spot, but we were still together, I loved her, and was envisioning and working toward a life together. In contrast, this other guy just wanted to get into the pants of another pretty face. He was some loser internet player who had 260+ online ‘friends’, virtually all of them local, female and single. Once my girlfriend was gone, he picked right up chatting away on his page with other potential targets.

Our kisses meant the world to me. Now they mean nothing, and I want that to change. I would love to hear from people who have been on either side of this situation.

– If you cheated, what did you do to help restore your partner’s desire for the intimate and special feelings that were lost?

– If you were cheated on, what helped to restore your wanting to share moments like the above with your partner? What did it take for you to kiss them and again feel closeness, Love, and happiness, as opposed to emptiness over what was stolen, disgust for what happened, and repulsion for how low they allowed their self to sink?

Kissing feels hollow now. I want to feel like I’m kissing the Love of my life again.


– DNJ


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Would you mind answering some questions first?

* How long have you been dating?

* Do you currently live together?

* Do you have any children together?


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## Kitt (Jun 3, 2015)

Have you talked to her about feeling betrayed?


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

I don't know what it is about deeply kissing a woman, but to me it is more erotic than the physical act of intercourse. I love the kissing, the touching, the tastes, scents, tactile sensations accompanied...I hear you. that being said...I am a cheater. How did I restore the passion? It took efforts on both our parts.

I love my wife. I always have. I have a behavioral condition that makes me think differently than most and I am working on that. Anyway...I do love her and after my EAs were discovered, it took awhile, but we reconciled. Of course, I am actively involved in therapy for my issues, but we both agreed that we love each other and want to remain together. Surprisingly..we're more "intimate" now than we ever have been...go figure, yeah?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Kissing one individual on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS......if that is what you need to believe....maybe your subconcience is screaming otherwise.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Divinely Favored said:


> *Kissing one individual on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS.*.....if that is what you need to believe....maybe your subconcience is screaming otherwise.




Woman take a while to get to the point to kiss but once there, it is VERY quick progression to sex. If she met the guy on line. She was the one looking to cheat. It wasn't one of those, "it just happened" type of cheating. You don't want to kiss because sub-consciously you know more went down or she is acting luke warm toward you. 

If you don't have kids, I would bounce. It takes way more effort to win a female cheater heart compared to winning a new woman.
You're not married. Cut your losses.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

At the least...her mouth has been on other arts of his anatomy I would bet!!


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

"We only kissed."

If I had a nickle for every time that I've read on here that a cheating SO said this and it turned out to be more than kissing...


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you checked her phone and text usage? Does she leave her phone laying around or is it glued to her?


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

DNJ

as others have touched on here, a kiss is presumably much more then what happened. While I don't know either if you, I can only go on what you have posted. But I will share what was told to me by my WW. First it was a walk, then they held hands, then a little peck of a kiss, then a full kiss, then sex. If they had more then one date, more then one occasion of kissing, it went a whole lot further. Sorry to tell you this. 

As for kissing her, you need to rebuild the foundation. Right now you don't have much trust with her. She gave away what was once so special to you. You feel empty inside as you know she willingly gave away a special part of your relationship. That's pretty difficult to try and wrap your head around. I also think you may question whether it went further. This doubt you have will stay forever inside you. Because your trust has been taken to the dump and discarded in a brutal fashion. 

It's difficult to kiss someone with passion when your emotions are so scattered at the moment. You will need to rebuild, you will need to have her earn your trust back. This isn't easy to say the least. She will need to do some heavy lifting to show she can be the woman you think she can be. Again this is not easy, and she may just not have the strength to do this. I think once your doubts have been worked through and you begin to trust her and some time passes you will again kiss her with passion. It won't be anytime soon though. Best of luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Kissing is cheater code for '****ed six times in the shower'


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