# Guilt ridden



## sj021 (Dec 6, 2010)

Looking for advice as I am almost overcome with guilt about an incident 6 months ago. A little background first, myself and my wife have been married for 8 years and we have 2 kids. Last year our marriage was going through an extremely difficult time as she was extremely disengaged. While the issues were not all her fault (they seldom are) she was pulling away from me. our sex life was practically non existent as she seemed uninterested. At one point when we talked about what was going on she even told me that she was considering leaving me. Needless to say I was not in a very good place. During this time I attended a big party with some friends (all guys) and we ended up going to a strip club. Things went too far and there was a lot of things going on with a dancer. We did not have intercourse but there was plenty of touching/kissing on both parts and if I wasn't as drunk as I was I'm sure more would have happened.

This was bad enough but at the time I was miserable anyway so I didn't seem to affect me as much. However since then we have talked a lot more and both changed a great deal in our lives for the best. We are happy again and back to our old ways with the marriage being everything it should be. Since this time I have been over come with guilt of what happened and I can't seem to be truly happy about our new situation. I don't feel like I can tell her as it will ruin our marriage as I'm sure she will leave me.

Any advice????


----------



## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

sj021 said:


> Any advice????


Try and get this in perspective. There are people out there who have raped, murdered and abused. There are those who have had long-term affairs. There are those who have had one night stands.
Then there is you, at a really tough time during your marriage you kissed a stripper. 

This is not worth hurting anyone over. Forget about it.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You really need to be happy about the present and let go of the past. It's probably best not to tell your wife since things are going so well. However, your guy friends know what went on and there's always a chance your wife could find out. Are you still keeping company with these guys? Are they married or single? You may be better off to ease your way into a better group of friends--other men with happy marriages.

As for your guilt issues.....Do you and your wife attend church? If so, speaking to the minister about this issue would be a good place to start. Prayer is also helpful. Another technique I've used is to give whatever the "concern" is to "the universe". I will write the concern or issue down and then burn the piece of paper in a metal bucket. At that point I no longer worry about the item because I have turned it over to God/Universe. The point is you can't let this "stumble" keep you from happiness both now and in the future.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

If you plan on doing this everytime things go south in your marriage, then yes tell her. By all means, if you are going to do inappropriate things with other women when you aren't getting what you need from her, then at least let her know that.

If this is an isolated incident, then I agree that telling her would be a mistake. I would take that as a lesson and maybe not go to the strip club again since you couldn't ( or wouldn't) control yourself last time. 

Good luck, and I am not saying that at all in a harsh tone, just being realistic


----------

