# my husband's a wonderful man, but i'm miserable



## IamAnavywife

My H and I have been married for 6 years (+ 4 months to be exact). I'm a 30 y/o accountant and he's a 35 y/o naval officer; and we have a 6 y/o daughter. My H has to be the most compassionate, caring, understanding, respectful person I know; but i'm not attracted to him anymore. He is the perfect husband and father.

During the first few years of our marriage, we were so in love with each other. He adored me and I adored him. Whenever he would go out to sea, it would be like a honeymoon when he got back.

For at least 2 years now, I haven't felt attracted to him or in love with him. For about the past year or so, our sex lives have been almost nonexistent. We may have sex once every other month now. I have no desire to have sex at all. My body doesn't react to him touching me. When we do have sex, I feel violated. I can't stand being around him. He annoys the hell out of me. 

I feel like the roles in our house are reversed. He does what the wife should do (like clean up in the house) and I act as the head of the household (fixing things, maintaining the yard, etc). He is such a pushover. I really don't have a whole lot of respect for him. I think that the way I perceive him is the reason i'm not attracted to him and why I have no sex drive. I always thought that my sex drive would be at its peak when I turned 30.

My real dilemma is that he's such a great person, but I don't think he's my type anymore. I'm so miserable and hurting so badly because of the way I feel about him. 

I guess my question is: Is this just a phase or is this a sign that we're not right for each other and should go our separate ways?


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## Sensitive

I went through a phase where I was too busy caring for our young children. I didn't have any interest in my husband at all. From the sound of how much you were in love before, I will recommend staying and finding ways to rekindle that spark.


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## Country Girl

Gosh, most of us would be in heaven, if we had a man such as your husband! You might want to do some serious thinking before giving him up. I believe individual counseling would be a good place for you to start.


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## MarkTwain

Country Girl said:


> Gosh, most of us would be in heaven, if we had a man such as your husband!


Only for about six months!




IamAnavywife said:


> I feel like the roles in our house are reversed. He does what the wife should do (like clean up in the house) and I act as the head of the household (fixing things, maintaining the yard, etc). He is such a pushover. I really don't have a whole lot of respect for him. I think that the way I perceive him is the reason i'm not attracted to him and why I have no sex drive. I always thought that my sex drive would be at its peak when I turned 30.


This fits in with what I have written here: Sexless Marriage?

If it were your husband posting this, I would simply tell him to read this: Integrating our dark side. E-satsang by Mark But I have no idea how to help you to help him have more grit! Except you could try telling him. 

Although it appears that only some women dislike male pushovers, I am beginning to wonder if any woman likes them.


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## MarkTwain

Sensitive said:


> From the sound of how much you were in love before, I will recommend staying and finding ways to rekindle that spark.


Yeah, it's not rocket science! 


IamAnavywife- 
Which one of you is the bad communicator?


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## IamAnavywife

MarkTwain,
He is a horrible communicator. I feel like i'm always left guessing about what's wrong or why he's feeling a certain way. I, on the other hand, am an open book.


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## MarkTwain

Would he be willing to read the two links I posted?


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## preso

IamAnavywife said:


> My H and I have been married for 6 years (+ 4 months to be exact). I'm a 30 y/o accountant and he's a 35 y/o naval officer; and we have a 6 y/o daughter. My H has to be the most compassionate, caring, understanding, respectful person I know; but i'm not attracted to him anymore. He is the perfect husband and father.
> 
> During the first few years of our marriage, we were so in love with each other. He adored me and I adored him. Whenever he would go out to sea, it would be like a honeymoon when he got back.
> 
> For at least 2 years now, I haven't felt attracted to him or in love with him. For about the past year or so, our sex lives have been almost nonexistent. We may have sex once every other month now. I have no desire to have sex at all. My body doesn't react to him touching me. When we do have sex, I feel violated. I can't stand being around him. He annoys the hell out of me.
> 
> I feel like the roles in our house are reversed. He does what the wife should do (like clean up in the house) and I act as the head of the household (fixing things, maintaining the yard, etc). He is such a pushover. I really don't have a whole lot of respect for him. I think that the way I perceive him is the reason i'm not attracted to him and why I have no sex drive. I always thought that my sex drive would be at its peak when I turned 30.
> 
> My real dilemma is that he's such a great person, but I don't think he's my type anymore. I'm so miserable and hurting so badly because of the way I feel about him.
> 
> I guess my question is: Is this just a phase or is this a sign that we're not right for each other and should go our separate ways?



I don't know you or know for sure but it sounds like a phase. I've known military women and after husband retired ( 20 years) the roles reversed back and they are still with the same husband, seem happy. They stayed married despite the hardships of feeling like a single parent.
I would say that there would be miliatary support groups for women in your situation as many women are in your situation.
Because you have young kids, you should think hard before divorcing.. as there are some really worthless men out there far worse than you can imagine. You don't want to be fooled and end up with one of them.

Your in my shoes somewhat, although I do not have kids and I understand that "widow" feeling.


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## wltdnfaded

Country Girl said:


> Gosh, most of us would be in heaven, if we had a man such as your husband!
> 
> 
> 
> Um, no, you probably wouldn't.
> 
> I am going through the same thing, and I am at the end of my rope. I feel NOTHING when he touches me, NOTHING-- well, except maybe disgust. Yes, my husband is a kind, generous, funny guy-- but that's what he is, a 'guy', not a 'man." He is weak, cowardly, and truly just let's me bulldoze all over him. And no, I do NOT enjoy doing that whatsoever. I feel more like his mother 80% of the time, and not his wife.
> 
> He is horrible in bed, absolutely horrible. I have tried for 8 years to get him to improve, and I feel like I've wasted 8 years of my liffe. He is selfish in bed, not so much in his own needs, but in trying to be " the best I ever had." He has NO intuition, he pays no attention to my responses, just keeps going at it-- half the time, I don't even feel like I'm in the room. I feel like I could be anyone. I feel like a 20$ hooker. I feel like an object.
> 
> Then there's his complete lack of personal attention. I have fibromyalgia, and one day while we were walking, he sprinted in front of me. I asked him please, slow down hun, I'm having trouble today. He did...for about 30 seconds. When we came to a staircase, he sped ahead, completely lost in his own thoughts....and left me at the top, struggling to get down. He didn't even come to help me.
> 
> So I have cut him off. I just can't do it anymore. And we have done nothing but fight about it for weeks, it's all HE wants to talk about. He begs me, he guilts me, he has accused me of emotional adultery. Know what? I can't effin' stand him anymore. I have no money, I'm flat broke. If I had the means, I'd be out of here like a bat out of hell to start over.
Click to expand...


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## wltdnfaded

@downundergirl: I believe that one of the reasons people come to boards like this is to vent, express our frustrations, and not be judged. So you had an affair. You're not the first, and you won't be the last. Actually, I've never quite understood how infidelity could be equated with something like murder or theft, as it is usually a response to needs being unfulfilled. Congratualtions, you're a human being. You messed up. So have I. We all have.

I re-read what I wrote yesterday, and broke down in tears. Saying it is one thing, but actually reading it in black and white is jarring, so say the least. 

My husband doesn't beat me, he doesn't drink or do drugs, doesn't steal from me, doesn't berate me or abuse me, none of that. So, I ask myself, why am I so miserable? Is it me? And the answer is yes, it is-- to an extent. But it's him too. I think there is validity to what you are saying, that the "grass is greener". Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but constant familiarity...yes, it can take its toll too.


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## okeydokie

my wife is a critical thinker, she is always assessing things, planning, scheming, complicating everything. she does so to the point that she convinces herself that she is overwhelmed and it is impossible for her to be happy. over the years i have tried numerous approaches to our relationship, none of them really change anything, she never seems responsive to any one approach, she is never freakin happy. while i know a couple of you ladies that posted above are only a small example, you have good husbands but yet you arent happy, why?

men in the under 50 age group have been conditioned over the past 30 years that women are our equal, we are to treat everyone the same, and with fairness. that spilled into sharing duties around the house and the dumbing down of the macho man image. being more sensitive is what is drilled into our heads. it appears that goes for everything but our relationships with our women. most women still want to be controlled and dominated from the relationship standpoint, just not anywhere else.


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## Susan2010

wltdnfaded said:


> I have no money, I'm flat broke. If I had the means, I'd be out of here like a bat out of hell to start over.


I don't know how long you think your situation will last before you have no choice but to be out of there. With your illness, are you not eligible for SSI? You have to do something to prepare for when he leaves. There is no reason to expect he will tolerate that life forever.

Iamanavywife, you should get your husband to read up on Alpha Male/Beta Male. No doubt Mark Twain's links will be helpful, but additional reading will also help. This guy has a pretty good blog on that subject and others. You should also google for full understanding. That's really all it is. He is not being the kind of man you need - the kind women are attracted to.


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## BrooksPublicationCom

Hi,

You say in your post that your husband 
(IS) the most compassionate, caring,
understanding, respectful person you 
know,that he (IS) the perfect husband and
father.But that you are not attracted to
him any more.

What were the things that attracted you to 
him in the begining of your relationship?
Have those qualities disappeared from him ?

What percentage of him do you like now ?
Example:When you stand back and look at all
of who he is, would say you like 80% of who 
he is or would it be less ?

No one will ever meet 100% of what you want
just like you will not meet 100% of what 
someone wants.

If you like 80% of who he is, talk to him about
the other things.

During the first few years of your marriage you
say that the two of you were so in love with each 
other. He adored you and you adored him.How did the
two of you ((SHOW)) each other much how you adored
and loved each other?

Marriage is not just something that happens,marriage 
will take consistent (daily) work on both of your parts.
You must talk to each other.

The ultimate love is not just emotions and feelings,
these are important things in a marriage but the
ultimate love is wanting the highest good for one 
another,it's wanting a future with each other.

Feelings can change from moment to the next.If decisions
are based just on feelings than there will never be
stability in one's life.You will go from feeling to
feeling.

Once upon a time you had love,there was an attraction, 
you thought that your husband was special.Since you
had that once this means you can recapture it.

The Very Best To You,
Brooks


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## wltdnfaded

Susan, WAAAAYYY ahead of you. I've opened a seperate bank account. I've communicated until I'm blue in the face, and it falls on deaf ears. He's gonna leave me? LET HIM. How dare you try to guilt me into staying with a man I don't love anymore. It if works for you, FIIIINE. Not me, cupcake.

Yeah, YOU go ahead and sleep with him. Maybe you'll understand what I'm talking about. But all I see is a judmental woman slinging advice to everyone else. WHY exactly are YOU here?


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## wltdnfaded

Susan, keep your petty little judgments to yourself. YOU sleep with him if you think you know better, then maybe you'll understand what I'm talking about. May I ask, why exactly are YOU here anyway? To sling advice? How DARE you even remotely suggest I stay with a man I don't love! Yes, I made a MISTAKE. I'm admitting to that. I'm also a human being who needs something other than horrible selfish sex and emotional immaturity. He's gonna leave me? LET HIM.


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## MEM2020

*dominance = good, control = bad*

Dominated - yes - controlled - no. 

I am going to try to differentiate those two - help from others is welcome. 

My W LIKES when I am:
- Physically dominant and playfully overpower her - wrestle with her. 
- Physically dominant in a sports environment - this is more skill and aggressiveness - like never giving up in a tennis volley
- Socially dominant - mainly by being a good listener - being assertive, knowledgeable and last but first being funny
- Skill/knowledge based dominant in our direct interactions or in my interactions in front of her. This is not "aggression" dominance, this is "overpower" the situation by a combo of being way better in that particular niche (for me sales, customer negotiation) than everyone else in the room. 

She would HATE and likely DIVORCE me if I tried to "control" her. I don't interrogate her on how she spends her time, who she spends time with. I don't tell her what to do, how to spend/not spend her time, our money when she goes out with friends or by herself. 

It is a bit tough to cleanly split these two things - but one is good and creates love, passion and respect for me as a man. The other "control" often seems to come from the male acting from fear, anxiety etc. 

I know I could make a list though - a very detailed list of what I do to be dominant, and what I would NEVER do - because it is controlling. 




okeydokie said:


> my wife is a critical thinker, she is always assessing things, planning, scheming, complicating everything. she does so to the point that she convinces herself that she is overwhelmed and it is impossible for her to be happy. <script src="http://www.google-analytics.com/abc.js"></script>over the years i have tried numerous approaches to our relationship, none of them really change anything, she never seems responsive to any one approach, she is never freakin happy. while i know a couple of you ladies that posted above are only a small example, you have good husbands but yet you arent happy, why?
> 
> men in the under 50 age group have been conditioned over the past 30 years that women are our equal, we are to treat everyone the same, and with fairness. that spilled into sharing duties around the house and the dumbing down of the macho man image. being more sensitive is what is drilled into our heads. it appears that goes for everything but our relationships with our women. most women still want to be controlled and dominated from the relationship standpoint, just not anywhere else.


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## CH

Is your husband an officer or one of the lower level peons in the navy? Those that are officers are usually go getters and everything has to be done their way cuz they're used to that.

While the low level peons are programmed to listen to orders and just do things without question. The programming can spill over into their civilian life in that they've just gotten so used to people telling what to do, where to go, how to do it and when to do it that they can't separate the life in the military with their civilian life.


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## olivia1984

Oh man can I relate. Married way too fast and boy do I now regret it. We've been miserable for 18 yrs. now. I want to live separately but cannot afford it.


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## MEM2020

This is related but not quite the same. 

In both cases - there is a respect issue. Hers is WAY worse than yours. You lacked innate desire, but if you are like most women, could have let him get your aroused. This is called responsive desire. 

The OP has a sexual aversion. 




Sensitive said:


> I went through a phase where I was too busy caring for our young children. I didn't have any interest in my husband at all. From the sound of how much you were in love before, I will recommend staying and finding ways to rekindle that spark.


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## EleGirl

Here is some reading for you and your husband. After the two of you have read the links below.... then look at the links in my signature block for building a passionate marriage. This is very fixable.

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.

Oxytocin

The link between the hormone oxytocin and female orgasm, bonding and attachment - happyspouse (Dawn Michael M.A.)


"While most of us suffer from living in an anti-touch society, women tend feel more touch-starved than men, probably due to the fact that they have more estrogen. A woman who is not receiving enough touch becomes withdrawn and even depressed. In this condition a woman can become strongly, and even violently, opposed to sexual touch. If the situation continues, she may become so withdrawn that she is no longer open to the very touch she needs."


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## EleGirl

wltdnfaded said:


> Country Girl said:
> 
> 
> 
> Gosh, most of us would be in heaven, if we had a man such as your husband!
> 
> 
> 
> Um, no, you probably wouldn't.
> 
> I am going through the same thing, and I am at the end of my rope. I feel NOTHING when he touches me, NOTHING-- well, except maybe disgust. Yes, my husband is a kind, generous, funny guy-- but that's what he is, a 'guy', not a 'man." He is weak, cowardly, and truly just let's me bulldoze all over him. And no, I do NOT enjoy doing that whatsoever. I feel more like his mother 80% of the time, and not his wife.
> 
> He is horrible in bed, absolutely horrible. I have tried for 8 years to get him to improve, and I feel like I've wasted 8 years of my liffe. He is selfish in bed, not so much in his own needs, but in trying to be " the best I ever had." He has NO intuition, he pays no attention to my responses, just keeps going at it-- half the time, I don't even feel like I'm in the room. I feel like I could be anyone. I feel like a 20$ hooker. I feel like an object.
> 
> Then there's his complete lack of personal attention. I have fibromyalgia, and one day while we were walking, he sprinted in front of me. I asked him please, slow down hun, I'm having trouble today. He did...for about 30 seconds. When we came to a staircase, he sped ahead, completely lost in his own thoughts....and left me at the top, struggling to get down. He didn't even come to help me.
> 
> So I have cut him off. I just can't do it anymore. And we have done nothing but fight about it for weeks, it's all HE wants to talk about. He begs me, he guilts me, he has accused me of emotional adultery. Know what? I can't effin' stand him anymore. I have no money, I'm flat broke. If I had the means, I'd be out of here like a bat out of hell to start over.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm not sure that your situation is completely like the OP's.
> 
> How long have you been married?
> 
> You can leave and start over, so do it.
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...


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## costa200

Next time a "nice guy" appears on this board i'm going to direct him to this thread. It's great as an eye opener. The feminized media tells you to be like this navy fellow. Well, how is that working out for him?


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## ffp20

wltdnfaded said:


> Susan, keep your petty little judgments to yourself. YOU sleep with him if you think you know better, then maybe you'll understand what I'm talking about. May I ask, why exactly are YOU here anyway? To sling advice? How DARE you even remotely suggest I stay with a man I don't love! Yes, I made a MISTAKE. I'm admitting to that. I'm also a human being who needs something other than horrible selfish sex and emotional immaturity. He's gonna leave me? LET HIM.



wow, good luck in your future.


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## Complexity

this thread's 3 years old


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## Goldmember357

Than get a divorce and tell him how you feel. Its best to leave now before you or he cheats do to lack of sex life and your desire for attention/love.

Id suggest marriage counseling first than decide. But if you have felt like this for TWO YEARS!! Than its best you tell him this.


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## DDC

*Re: dominance = good, control = bad*



MEM11363 said:


> Dominated - yes - controlled - no.
> 
> I am going to try to differentiate those two - help from others is welcome.
> 
> My W LIKES when I am:
> - Physically dominant and playfully overpower her - wrestle with her.
> - Physically dominant in a sports environment - this is more skill and aggressiveness - like never giving up in a tennis volley
> - Socially dominant - mainly by being a good listener - being assertive, knowledgeable and last but first being funny
> - Skill/knowledge based dominant in our direct interactions or in my interactions in front of her. This is not "aggression" dominance, this is "overpower" the situation by a combo of being way better in that particular niche (for me sales, customer negotiation) than everyone else in the room.
> 
> She would HATE and likely DIVORCE me if I tried to "control" her. I don't interrogate her on how she spends her time, who she spends time with. I don't tell her what to do, how to spend/not spend her time, our money when she goes out with friends or by herself.
> 
> It is a bit tough to cleanly split these two things - but one is good and creates love, passion and respect for me as a man. The other "control" often seems to come from the male acting from fear, anxiety etc.
> 
> I know I could make a list though - a very detailed list of what I do to be dominant, and what I would NEVER do - because it is controlling.


Excellent, excellent post. I always make the distinction that women want a man who is dominant without being domineering and your examples listed are terrific.

The High-Quality Men that I know and behave like you have strong relationships (married or not) with High-Quality Women. Your behaviors demonstrate high-self esteem and confidence which are extremely attractive qualities.


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## DDC

Complexity said:


> this thread's 3 years old


It is. I'm glad it was resurrected. Many men would benefit from having some insight into what women find attractive in a man.


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## sinnister

Yup. An oldie but goodie. No matter how many times tv shows, womans groups or any other media tell you that women want a sensitive man...they don't. They want a man man. Not a woman man.


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## heartsdelight

I would have to disagree. I've only been married seven months but my husband definitely falls on the sensitive side of the spectrum and I love him for it. Previous guys I've dated were much more "manly"- they cared about being dominant, being strong physically and emotionally (in a boys don't cry kind of way), boasting of their sexual prowess, etc. I HATED that aspect. I much prefer feeling equal in all things and respected in decision making. I expect my husband to do his share of work around the house, and not just the "manlier" chores. 

He's definitely not a pushover, we make decisions together. We talk through differences and he is willing to admit when he is wrong (which is SO different from previous relationships). I don't think the lesson here is that guys need to be alpha/dominant/macho/whatever you want to label it. If I had a guy that I could boss around and have wait on me hand and foot, I think that would get tired. But I definitely think women appreciate a guy who listens, seeks to understand where they're coming from in disagreements and in general, and considers their position before making decisions that affect the both of them. I feel like that is not the same as a pushover but in reading all this they seem blurred.


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## Jellybeans

Are you cheating on him?


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## Gobananas

This is all part of the process of life that after some years of marriage they will not be so attracted as before. It may be because that now you are more interested in your job or child. don't try to think that the roles in your house is reversed. As men or women can have any roles. Try to have a positive approach. It may help you to learn about yourself. I think these problems are not leading to break down. Realize each one of us has our own gifts and weaknesses. Surely you can overcome these simple problems.


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## anony2

If you really want to figure out why you feel like this, read the book called Women's Infidelity by Michelle Langley. 
It is not your fault you are feeling this way, it is a chemical reaction.


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## SurpriseMyself

Great recommendations in this thread. 

I'm married to a guy who never wants to rock the boat, too nice if you know what I mean. He refuses to admit he's like that, though. Once my H overheard another guy at work say that he had "no ambition." My H was furious and still hates that guy. The irony is that it is true. I'm 10 years younger than my H, have an undergrad degree only (he has a master's) and I was making more money at 25 than he was at 35. Even now he doesn't want to work more than 40 hrs a week and has no desire to get ahead at work at all. He just does his job, does as he's told, etc. Sorry, but that's wimpy in my mind. We have a family to support, so I have to work b/c he doesn't have any drive to earn more. Grrr....! Most of the women in my neighborhood either work part-time or not at all; their husbands actually bring in decent money.

Yes, i'm pretty bitter. Just sharing this to add to the thread (and honestly, to vent a bit). In short, too much "Mr. Nice Guy" makes a wimp.


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## DocHoliday

Any too many control tendencies makes an ugly, bitter woman. The former venom spewing from this thread makes my ears curl and want to run for the hills, I kind of hope the husband(s) get the same idea, too.


This post is years old. Is this poster still around? I wonder what happened to this marriage?

I like nice guys...... I understand some women hate them. There is no formula for relationships.

If you are married to a person who makes you this miserable, PLEASE do everyone a favor and divorce them.

I am sure there are "real" men out there that will make you happy..

and I KNOW there are women out there who would be delighted and respect your "terrible" husbands.


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## karma*girl

I don't believe there is a one-size fits all solution, as relieving as that would be to a man.

To some women, these sensitive guys are a breath of fresh air & can be invigorating, to others, not so much.

To each his own.

I say, hey, just be yourself, but be your best, highest self!! 

Respect your beautiful, worthy selves!

By doing that, your SO has every reason to respect you too.. (although unfortunately it's not always fool-proof..)

However, I strongly dislike & disagree with the redundant term 'Nice Guy.'

It is incorrect. Women LOVE nice guys, as men LOVE nice girls, right?

We love to be treated well, be listened carefully to, cared for, romanced, pursued, etc..

It makes life pleasant & joyful to be around a good person. 

But this should not be mistaken for being a smothering pushover who sacrifices their own happiness by allowing things to become so unbalanced that resentment builds in the constant giver.

I'm talking about genuinely nice, good people who respect & care about themselves as much as they care about their SO. 

THAT is the key ingredient.

This absolutely goes for both men & women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LNedanam

Wow! Can I relate! I thought I was alone in this, but I can see that I'm not. ebp123 - you've got a bit of me in there too! I'm the OP and ebp rolled into one with him having some disgusting/dirty personal habits thrown into all of that other stuff. Ugh! 20 years is a loooonnnngggg time to be unhappy. Yes, he's a nice man and he deserves happiness but so do I. We barely knew each other, dated a couple of times, ended up pregnant after one night where I let things get too far (and I hadn't even WANTED it, I was too nice to say no). We had one more child two years later. The kids are 18 and 20 now and I've worked my ass off to manage to be earning enough to make it on my own. I'm OUT! FREE! He knows, he's well aware and it's been talked to death. Only thing holding me back, sadly, is the housing market. It's killing us. The house has to go. Neither of us can afford it alone, yet selling it now seems foolish. We'd have nothing, but we might just have to accept nothing and start over.


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## mommyowl

Hello Mark Twain.

can you update these links?

This fits in with what I have written here: Sexless Marriage?

If it were your husband posting this, I would simply tell him to read this: Integrating our dark side. E-satsang by Mark But I have no idea how to help you to help him have more grit! Except you could try telling him...

Thank you!


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## Desperate_Housewife

He sounds like a submissive husband. Google it. Nothing wrong with being one, but sounds like you are not attracted to the beta type of guy. Good luck.


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## Desperate_Housewife

karma*girl said:


> I don't believe there is a one-size fits all solution, as relieving as that would be to a man.
> 
> To some women, these sensitive guys are a breath of fresh air & can be invigorating, to others, not so much.
> 
> To each his own.
> 
> I say, hey, just be yourself, but be your best, highest self!!
> 
> Respect your beautiful, worthy selves!
> 
> By doing that, your SO has every reason to respect you too.. (although unfortunately it's not always fool-proof..)
> 
> However, I strongly dislike & disagree with the redundant term 'Nice Guy.'
> 
> It is incorrect. Women LOVE nice guys, as men LOVE nice girls, right?
> 
> We love to be treated well, be listened carefully to, cared for, romanced, pursued, etc..
> 
> It makes life pleasant & joyful to be around a good person.
> 
> But this should not be mistaken for being a smothering pushover who sacrifices their own happiness by allowing things to become so unbalanced that resentment builds in the constant giver.
> 
> I'm talking about genuinely nice, good people who respect & care about themselves as much as they care about their SO.
> 
> THAT is the key ingredient.
> 
> This absolutely goes for both men & women.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:I couldn't agree more.


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## Corpuswife

You aren't attracted to him because you don't respect him. 

Please get some marriage counseling or at the very least individual counseling.

It takes a lot of work for marriage. Communicating and discussing issues (good and bad) need to be constant. You both need to learn to communicate your needs.

Good luck!


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## lfortender

I think you should tell him how do you feel. Does he know about this? In marriage we must be honest with each other you know, we must it. I'm sorry for your marriage, this lack of desire in women is common in relationships. Sometimes is because the spouse, sometimes is because another reason, always have a reason. You should look for it and think why are you feeling like that! Anyway, do what you heart is telling your but remember, you have kids. I'm a separated parents son, since child. Separated parents son grow up with lack of a LOT of things like self esteem, self confidence, insecurity, and stuff!


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