# Married, bi, kids.....divorce?



## njmarried888 (Sep 19, 2010)

OK - this is the first time I have vented about this, so I am very nervous but curious about your responses.

I have been with my wife for 20 years, since we are young, and we have young children together. I love her and always will, but have fallen out of love with her. I love my children and would do anything for them, including staying married. I dont think I would be with her still if we didnt have children.

Secondly, i have been bisexual my whole life, she doesnt know. I have experimented over the years but never really found someone I relate to until recently. He is a great friend as well....I am not looking to suddenly out myself and live a gay life style, that isnt an option. I am just unsure about how to handle the marriage. I can see myself staying with my wife for the kids, at least till they are older, but not sure what everyones opinion is on that. I am also unsure about telling my wife about wanting a divorce but being able to stay together for the kids, I dont think she would go for that...

I am very confused!!!!!!


----------



## feylovelyheart (Jun 13, 2009)

I heard some cases about it and it seems that they ended up of getting divorce since the wife cannot stand her husband is being with another man.

The best thing you can do is to be honest with your wife and try to figure out the best way for all of you. You should ask yourself about which one is more important. Standing up for yourself or for your family.


----------



## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

*Get tested, tell wife, move out - Simple*

NJ,

I sympathize with your being bi - knowing folks of varying preferences it is not a choice- but don't approve of your having affairs while married - men or women, you were having sex and thereby exposing yourself and your wife to STDs. M-M sex is far more likely to expose one to STDs including HIV/AIDS. 

Have you been tested recently? If you show positive for anything you must tell your wife immediately.

Please get tested today or Monday at the latest and tell your wife what you've been doing this week. Your local dept of public health will perform anonymous tests.

As far as staying for the kids, don't. Once your wife learns that you have had affairs I can't imagine she would want you living with her.

Repeating myself - You have to tell her about your affairs and your test results right away - failing to tell about HIV/AIDS and having sex is a criminal act, a major moral failing.

I will add I'm not perfect by any means, my marriage is going down hill quickly, but I have and will do my best to keep my pants on until we are living separate lives. Heck, I'd love a FULL body massage from some of the cuties who advt on the web, but will skip the physical event and use my imagination - much safer.

Mark





njmarried888 said:


> OK - this is the first time I have vented about this, so I am very nervous but curious about your responses.
> 
> I have been with my wife for 20 years, since we are young, and we have young children together. I love her and always will, but have fallen out of love with her. I love my children and would do anything for them, including staying married. I dont think I would be with her still if we didnt have children.
> 
> ...


----------



## DennisNLA (Jan 26, 2010)

I agree with Thinktoomuch 100% and the advice is right on!!!

You are complicating your situation far too much. You need to break off your affair and decide how the marriage is going to be resolved. It makes no difference if you are straight or bi.


----------



## njmarried888 (Sep 19, 2010)

Thanks for the responses.... I am just afraid of not being with my kids day-to-day, that will kill me. I was wondering how many people know of married couples who agree to stay together/ live together for their kids? I also fear telling her of the (bi/gay) details will not allow me to live their to help raise my kids. My plan was to just say I dont want to be married any more, I am not "in-love" any more, etc. Hoping the platonic marriage will stay together for the kids sake......?


----------



## DennisNLA (Jan 26, 2010)

What are you teaching your kids about marriage if Daddy sees other men (or women) while he is still married. What kind of lies are you going to tell your current mate? I think you are in a state of fog right now. You can not see outside your fantasy affair. I would advocate breaking off the affair immediately, then without an outside influences evaluate your marriage. Seek advice from an attorney on fathers rights in NJ. I would like to believe that your sexual orientation should have absolutely no bearing on the outcome, especially in a progressive state like New Jersey. Get some individual counseling immediately.


----------



## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

Honestly you are being very selfish njmarried IMO. You are living a lie in order to be close to your kids. Do you really think that's healthy for ANYONE in your family? You need to tell your wife and decide how yall will handle it together.


----------

