# Can a Hetero MAN Teach His Wife How To Give Fellatio?



## RunFromYourWife (Feb 14, 2013)

Here is the dilemma...how can a heterosexual man teach his wife how to give good fellatio? I mean, she has asked me "what do you want me to do?" and I honestly don't know what to tell her. Women before her just did it well after just practicing/experimenting, without me having to coach them. I told her well you just need to practice and she pretty much scoffed at the idea. We then tried to watch porn, but her gag reflex is rather sensitive, leaving most of the work being done with her hands rather than the mouth (which is what has the best feeling). Running out of ideas, as being a hetero man I don't know how to instruct her...sigh...ideas please???


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

RunFromYourWife said:


> Here is the dilemma...how can a heterosexual man teach his wife how to give good fellatio? I mean, she has asked me "what do you want me to do?" and I honestly don't know what to tell her. Women before her just did it well after just practicing/experimenting, without me having to coach them. I told her well you just need to practice and she pretty much scoffed at the idea. We then tried to watch porn, but her gag reflex is rather sensitive, leaving most of the work being done with her hands rather than the mouth (which is what has the best feeling). Running out of ideas, as being a hetero man I don't know how to instruct her...sigh...ideas please???


I'll ask my partner for you - apparently she's the bomb according to the mongrel she cheated with


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

She's making excuses because she doesn't want to do it and is hoping you give up soon.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I don't think its the mechanics as much as the attitude that make the difference. If a woman does it in a way that makes you think she's getting turned on by it that is far more exciting than a woman who is obviously just going through the motions. I'm not really sure you can teach that.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

There are lots of insturctional DVDs out there (Nina Hartley has several), perhaps that is where you should start.

I think a willingness and enthusiasm to learn is really important. It took many years before my wife became a real expert in how to please me orally. You just need to be patient, and be sure to tell her what you like and what feels good. Whatever you do, don't force anything (don't push it further into her mouth than she wants to, don't do the surprise cum in her mouth without warning her thing, either).

Good luck!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I learned from a man.

But practice is the best teacher...guide as you go.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Well I was alot like your wife...brought up very conservative and had no clue. I also had no one I could ask...no sisters, or aunts and mom had passed away. So I did my own research at the bookstore and on line. Barnes and noble had a whole section on how to books specifically on bj, hj and anal. With knowledge came confidence!!! ;-) careful what you wish for....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RunFromYourWife (Feb 14, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> She's making excuses because she doesn't want to do it and is hoping you give up soon.


It feels that way sometimes...but then she will initiate it maybe once every couple weeks or so because she knows how much I like it. When SHE wants to do it, it is really good. However, when I ask, it becomes mechanical and I often won't even climax because it is obvious she doesn't want to do it...


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## RunFromYourWife (Feb 14, 2013)

that_girl said:


> I learned from a man.
> 
> But practice is the best teacher...guide as you go.


How did he know how to ~blow~ if he wasn't a "down low" man?


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## RunFromYourWife (Feb 14, 2013)

keeper63 said:


> There are lots of insturctional DVDs out there (Nina Hartley has several), perhaps that is where you should start.
> 
> I think a willingness and enthusiasm to learn is really important. It took many years before my wife became a real expert in how to please me orally. You just need to be patient, and be sure to tell her what you like and what feels good. Whatever you do, don't force anything (don't push it further into her mouth than she wants to, don't do the surprise cum in her mouth without warning her thing, either).
> 
> Good luck!


Any videos you would recommend? I've actually watched the Nina Hartley one and it didn't seem all that good, but then again maybe it would be to a woman.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Do you know what you like?

You know how it feels. You know what you want. Tell/show her. Not hard.


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## RunFromYourWife (Feb 14, 2013)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I don't think its the mechanics as much as the attitude that make the difference. If a woman does it in a way that makes you think she's getting turned on by it that is far more exciting than a woman who is obviously just going through the motions. I'm not really sure you can teach that.


Yes, attitude is everything. I essentially have to wait for her to initiate it as if I ask her then it doesn't feel as good and I may not even climax.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

RunFromYourWife said:


> It feels that way sometimes...but then she will initiate it maybe once every couple weeks or so because she knows how much I like it. When SHE wants to do it, it is really good. However, when I ask, it becomes mechanical and I often won't even climax because it is obvious she doesn't want to do it...


She may resent being asked to do it.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I don't think its the mechanics as much as the attitude that make the difference. If a woman does it in a way that makes you think she's getting turned on by it that is far more exciting than a woman who is obviously just going through the motions. I'm not really sure you can teach that.


This is EXACTLY what my H says. But that doesn't stop me from asking for "instruction" which he is more than happy to provide. I want to make sure I don't get into a "rut technique." 

Last night we "practiced" for about an hour--with breaks for him to evaluate how I was doing and for me to ask questions--and to draw out the teasing, of course. I. thought. he. was. going. to. die. It was the most incredible feeling to do that for him. Almost better than what he does to me. Almost.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

even bad blow jobs usually result in orgasms

this isn't rocket science, just let her know what feels good, there's no harm in directing (ie. faster, slower, more towards the head, use hands, etc)


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

She doesn't need instruction, she needs desire.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I don't think its the mechanics as much as the attitude that make the difference. If a woman does it in a way that makes you think she's getting turned on by it that is far more exciting than a woman who is obviously just going through the motions. I'm not really sure you can teach that.


Attitude is totally 99.9% of the equation. A woman could physically be performing the act to her apex, but without a sense of love and enthusiasm on her part, to me that act is largely just an unemotional one and speaks only to being nothingmore than an uncaring biological act on her part.

Placing her heart into it's performance means so very much more to me as the recipient, just as my putting my heart into doing the act should mean to her!


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## Leasel (Mar 30, 2013)

Have her search "how to give good head" on google and read the results, that'll give her a good start.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Tell her to suck it like its got the antidote in it! I mean suck it like she is a vacuum 

I get so turned on by my H reaction to what I am doing it just makes it that much better for him to watch me enjoying all of him! And he says its better when I swallow at the end. I don't mind that at all, although I know it's not incredibly popular to do so. 

Man, do I love giving him BJ's...


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## keepsmiling (Nov 20, 2012)

I think you're the perfect person to teach her. If I was your wife and didn't actually want to give you head, I wouldn't be trying to initiate it every two weeks. So don't worry about that.

What helped me was reading a bit and being told by my ex where the most sensitive places were. Wait until she next initiates it, and make little noises when she's doing it well, then she'll remember what she was doing when you said 'mmm...you're amazing'! 

Oh, and don't laugh, criticise or embarass her, because it'll kill her confidence to do it at all. Best of luck!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

RunFromYourWife said:


> Here is the dilemma...how can a heterosexual man teach his wife how to give good fellatio? I mean, she has asked me "what do you want me to do?" and I honestly don't know what to tell her. Women before her just did it well after just practicing/experimenting, without me having to coach them. I told her well you just need to practice and she pretty much scoffed at the idea. We then tried to watch porn, but her gag reflex is rather sensitive, leaving most of the work being done with her hands rather than the mouth (which is what has the best feeling). Running out of ideas, as being a hetero man I don't know how to instruct her...sigh...ideas please???


Giving her some feedback when she does it, let her FEEL how much you are lovin' it - I know, pretty obvious! This should (hopefully) boost *her enthusiasm *to please you.....her "spirit" in wanting to please you is EVERYTHING though...how to get a woman to want to.... hmmm, find what trips her triggers....flirt, tease, tempt her to go there, make it FUN....read books together... watch some Instructional porn (if she is game)... 

I didn't start giving my husband a proper BJ until we were married 19 yrs... Many regrets there :banghead:.... then I went Hog wild... I bought so many books (just reading them turned me on), rented Porn ....I soaked it all in....tried new techniques...I was really into - I think I was enjoying it as much as he was......

Example Instructional DVD's here >> Loving Sex Instructional DVDs for Couples

A lot of books on Amazon on "Going down"...

*1.* Tickle His Pickle: 

*2*. Oral Sex He'll Never Forget: 52 Positions and Techniques Guaranteed to Blow Your Man Away:

*3*. Going Down: An Illustrated Guide to Giving Him the Best Blow Job of His Life: 

One of my favorites >> 

*4*. Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man:


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Books 1, 2 and 4 are great!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

My god dude, this isn't complicated. 

1. You know what you like right? When she uses her hand only, when she gets it slobbery...whatever. What you like, emphasize that and do it in a way that is 100% a compliment. After a good one, tell her "MY GAWD...when you did xyz...that put me through the ROOF!!" Then jump on her and give her a mind blowing O immediately after, orally I mean. It's like pavlov...she'll start mentally assigning bj for you = orgasm for her. Make her WANT TO!! The reality is my wife could do ONE technique every time, as long as I know she WANTS to, that would be the best BJ in the world. It's not about doing 25 techniques, it's about enthusiasm.

2. If you don't want to "bug" her then make it a game. My wife whipped out the cribbage board the other night. "We're playing strip cribbage" who ever loses the hand (less points) takes something off. Any time someone scores 12 or more points, the other person has to perform something on them of their choice. No saying "NO" outside of painful.....Let's just say it was the best game of Cribbage I've ever played.

Get creative and make it fun.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

My husband is the only man I have ever given a BJ. I am the only one who has ever given him any. How did I learn? Him. He told me what he likes, what feels best, what doesn't work as well. Like your wife, RFYW, my gag reflex sucks, too. The one thing that has lessened the sensation is numbing mints. I still have to use my hand as well as my mouth because I CANNOT take it that far in, even with the mints. I still end up gagging. Find a way to work around with that. There has GOT to be a way for it to feel better, even with her hands. But really, YOU are the best person to teach her because YOU are the one who knows how it feels on YOU. It's really that simple.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> My god dude, this isn't complicated.
> 
> 1. You know what you like right? When she uses her hand only, when she gets it slobbery...whatever. What you like, emphasize that and do it in a way that is 100% a compliment. After a good one, tell her "MY GAWD...when you did xyz...that put me through the ROOF!!" Then jump on her and give her a mind blowing O immediately after, orally I mean. It's like pavlov...she'll start mentally assigning bj for you = orgasm for her. Make her WANT TO!! The reality is my wife could do ONE technique every time, as long as I know she WANTS to, that would be the best BJ in the world. It's not about doing 25 techniques, it's about enthusiasm.
> 
> ...


Search redbook and cosmopolitan for how to give a bj. 

Really it is all about wanting to turn you on. She will see what you like by watching your face. 

You could help her out a lot by taking a shower first if she seems reluctant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

My wife really wasn't into it for years. I had to really talk to her to let her know that I felt like something was wrong with me because she didn't seem to enjoy all of me like I enjoy all of her. I told her it made me feel ugly. Which, it did. Told her my d!ck is the only part of me that joins with her and that made that part very special to me and that she didn't seem to think it special. For some reason something "clicked" for her. She started really trying to give better BJ's and they HAVE gotten better and better. Now she LOVES them because she sees what a really good BJ does to me.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

No, absolutely not, as a hetero man you can't show her. Your only hope is to find a gay guy who can show her what to do by demonstrating on you. Just be aware, it might take 20 or 25 demonstrations. Maybe more.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

jaharthur said:


> No, absolutely not, as a hetero man you can't show her. Your only hope is to find a gay guy who can show her what to do by demonstrating on you. Just be aware, it might take 20 or 25 demonstrations. Maybe more.


I went rofl :rofl:, got up, and rofl :rofl: again, upon reading the above quote    a good one Mr. Arthur!


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

tacoma said:


> She doesn't need instruction, she needs desire.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


this is _the truth_, the _most_ important requirement...all other advices in this thread are totally useless like a new necktie for a beheaded person, unless this one important requirement are being fulfilled..


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## RunFromYourWife (Feb 14, 2013)

That's it...she has very little desire. The times she actually WANTS to do it I bust a good one...LOL...


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Do not....I repeat...DO NOT tell her she sucks at it! LOL.

My W tells me her ex did that once. That was the last one he ever got.

Now, when I met her, she wasn't very good, BUT she was enthusiastic! And that is more than half the battle! All I had to do (over time) to get her from "not very good" to "great" was to be vocal. Moans, telling her things like "oh my gawd, don't stop that, what you're doing is amazing". We've also had talks about it. I'm a "hands off bj" kinda guy. Don't like hands helping out. It just kills the sensation for me for some reason. So, one time, I took her hands and held them for a bit. Gave it a few moments and I reacted very positively. She got it from there! She has to go "hands on" to catch her breath and take a break every now and then, but now she knows, and I've told her, the feeling and visual of a no hands bj is second to none. Now, if she reaches around with her hands and grabs my azz....yes!

I had a girlfriend once who could really deep throat. And when she did, she did this almost swallowing type of action that drove me up a wall. Well, one time my W got close to that. Doing something with the back of her tongue. It was amazing, and I told her then and there "oh my gawd, whatever you're doing, that's awesome"!

She just needed her confidence built up in her abilities I believe. Now, it's not like she's giving them all the time, but twice a week or so, she's on it, and she does amazing. 

No different from a guy giving oral I suppose...many people like different things. The giver needs to be enthusiastic, try different things, the receiver needs to be a little vocal and enthusiastic when the giver does something right, AND the giver needs to be keyed into their partner and looking for those signs.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

A past boyfriend told me that I should pretend it was a really delicious ice cream that I wanted to enjoy but wanted to make last. Now, he was into a lot of licking rather than vacuum pump sucking, but it was a good visual to start off with.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I taught my wife to incorporate her hands and what I like when she gives me oral. She appreciated it because now she knows my "trigger" spot. She now knows what I need to orgasm faster. This speeded up the process, and as a result, she enjoys it more.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Yep. She's sucking at sucking on purpose. Decide what that means to you.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I dunno....I'm going to guess that the fact that you don't even know what to tell her to do even though she has asked, is a clue that you aren't too sexy, man.

Sorry to tell you that but really....you are making yourself sound too clueless to be sexy. 

I agree that she needs to have the desire to do it for either of you to have a good time, but when she asked you for instruction and you didn't give it to her, you might have well been wearing a T-shirt that says "der ta der".


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Blow Him Away: How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex: Amazon.ca: Marcy Michaels, Marie Desalle: Books


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## Alexandria (Apr 21, 2013)

Just my opinion, but some women like it, some don't... and, it depends on the person too. Maybe a woman likes it with some guys and some not. With my ex boyfriend of 10 years, I hated it and would never do it. He was too big and I just was not into him sexually. He was more of a friend. We did not jive sexually. With my current partner, my husband, I really, really enjoy it. He is sexy and I WANT to do it. I was never that good, but I WANTED to be good, so I did some research and practiced and do the best I can do. I am also sensitive and women can have that gag reflex, which sucks, sorry for the pun. It just sounds like she is not that into it to me. When you like something, you will try, try, try. In fact, I can't get enough of it. Have I perfected it? Probably not, but it is the effort. I have never asked him, "How do I do this?"


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## RunFromYourWife (Feb 14, 2013)

always_alone said:


> Blow Him Away: How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex: Amazon.ca: Marcy Michaels, Marie Desalle: Books


This must be a really good book, because my ex (before my wife) bought this book when we were together and she became exceptionally good at it...


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## RunFromYourWife (Feb 14, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I dunno....I'm going to guess that the fact that you don't even know what to tell her to do even though she has asked, is a clue that you aren't too sexy, man.
> 
> Sorry to tell you that but really....you are making yourself sound too clueless to be sexy.
> 
> I agree that she needs to have the desire to do it for either of you to have a good time, but when she asked you for instruction and you didn't give it to her, you might have well been wearing a T-shirt that says "der ta der".


LOL...well, I don't think that I am that bad looking. I have told her to do somethings, but they didn't feel as good as I thought it would. At the same time she often would say her mouth hurts and that I am too big to put more than the tip in. This is why I am not sure how a hetero man can instruct. She needs to have the initiative to try things for me to say, "oooh, keep doing that." Now if you want to take from that I am not very "sexy", then perhaps you are right. Maybe I should ask her...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I don't mean you don't look sexy, I mean you aren't acting sexy if you can't figure out how to instruct her.

The same would apply in a woman's case. Say a woman wants to get some oral, so she tells her man she really loves it, would he please set up a pic-nic blanket under her butt so he can settle in and give her a good time. Then he says "ok sure honey, just tell me how you like it because as we know, all women are different and the same things don't work for all women".

So she says "well I don't know because I've never eaten a woman out, so just start trying stuff".

And he says "if you do not have enough understanding of your own body to at least give me some clues, how do you expect me to figure it out on my own?"

And she says "just go down there".

So he does.

And she says nothing except "yeah, that".

To which is he confused because that is not enough to go on.

So he says "darling I really need more verbal instruction because it simply isn't that easy".

And she says "I will get on the internet to ask someone else how to tell you how to do it".

Do you see the point? It is unsexy to not know your own body well enough to give instructions about it. Who else would possibly know your body but yourself? And if you don't know and are still asking around, your partner can only conclude that understanding how to please you is something they have to wait for you to figure out before THEY have any hope of achieving it.


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## RunFromYourWife (Feb 14, 2013)

Alexandria said:


> Just my opinion, but some women like it, some don't... and, it depends on the person too. Maybe a woman likes it with some guys and some not. With my ex boyfriend of 10 years, I hated it and would never do it. He was too big and I just was not into him sexually. He was more of a friend. We did not jive sexually. With my current partner, my husband, I really, really enjoy it. He is sexy and I WANT to do it. I was never that good, but I WANTED to be good, so I did some research and practiced and do the best I can do. I am also sensitive and women can have that gag reflex, which sucks, sorry for the pun. It just sounds like she is not that into it to me. When you like something, you will try, try, try. In fact, I can't get enough of it. Have I perfected it? Probably not, but it is the effort. I have never asked him, "How do I do this?"


It feels like a weird question to ask a heterosexual man to me, but I guess folks have varying perspectives on it. I think what you've highlighted is what is my primary concern.


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## RunFromYourWife (Feb 14, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I don't mean you don't look sexy, I mean you aren't acting sexy if you can't figure out how to instruct her.
> 
> The same would apply in a woman's case. Say a woman wants to get some oral, so she tells her man she really loves it, would he please set up a pic-nic blanket under her butt so he can settle in and give her a good time. Then he says "ok sure honey, just tell me how you like it because as we know, all women are different and the same things don't work for all women".
> 
> ...


Okay, I think you've painting a pretty lame picture of me, but perhaps it is my fault in how I've described the situation. As I said above, I have given some instruction on things. It didn't feel as good as I thought it would, coupled with she complaining about her mouth hurting and not being able to go past the tip. Like I said in the thread-starter, I am literally "running out of ideas." At this point SHE needs to have the initiative to try whatever she feels comfortable doing me thinks...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"At this point SHE needs to have the initiative to try whatever she feels comfortable doing me thinks..."

OK, fair enough. But we can't really help then, can we.


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## RunFromYourWife (Feb 14, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> "At this point SHE needs to have the initiative to try whatever she feels comfortable doing me thinks..."
> 
> OK, fair enough. But we can't really help then, can we.


Perhaps you can. What motivates a woman in that way?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wish I had any ideas, but from what I know of myself and girlfriends, it is something different for each of us (the motivation factor). So not knowing your wife personally, I have no clue what might motivate her.

Diamonds?












(that's a joke)


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It takes time to familiarise yourself with one's body, likes/dislikes you know =/

I don't know what's wrong with teaching each other which buttons to push. Subtle suggestions during the act is more than enough to give her hints IMO


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

People who are untrainable are untrainable because they want to be. One thing to look out for is their constant harping on OTHER people being passive aggressive....because that's truly what they are. Either that or world class narcissists.


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

RunFromYourWife said:


> Here is the dilemma...how can a heterosexual man teach his wife how to give good fellatio? I mean, she has asked me "what do you want me to do?" and I honestly don't know what to tell her. Women before her just did it well after just practicing/experimenting, without me having to coach them. I told her well you just need to practice and she pretty much scoffed at the idea. We then tried to watch porn, but her gag reflex is rather sensitive, leaving most of the work being done with her hands rather than the mouth (which is what has the best feeling). Running out of ideas, as being a hetero man I don't know how to instruct her...sigh...ideas please???


That's great that she asked. Some responses are trying to convince you she doesn't want to, but from this perspective it appeara that she wants to please you and even went as far as asking for advice. As a hetero guy, it seems an easy response would be to ask her to pretend its a delicious ice cream and then to let her imagination do the rest. It seems counter-intuitive to treat fellatio like a school subject or an engineering class!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

always_alone said:


> Blow Him Away: How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex: Amazon.ca: Marcy Michaels, Marie Desalle: Books





RunFromYourWife said:


> This must be a really good book, because my ex (before my wife) bought this book when we were together and she became exceptionally good at it...


It is a very good book. Perfect for women who have troubles with size or who get a sore jaw -- or even just tire too quickly. It is written by a speech therapist and contains all kinds of valuable information about how to relax the jaw, strengthen the tongue, and make the most of its flexibility and shape.

Given that she has expressed interest in both improving and in troubles with her jaw, I'd say just go and buy it for her. It will probably make you both happier.


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