# one year and still confused



## fivewastedyears (Jun 10, 2012)

havent posted here in months, sign on almost daily just to read.
i will be separated a year tomorrow. my husband left me because he said i wasnt getting better after his affair and he was miserable.
He has a girlfriend now, for about 8months. I found out today that he is having a bday party tonight and it upset me so much! He is so different with this new gf. 

The reasons he left me:
I was insecure 
I didnt trust him
We argued to much
(all because of the affair)
Whats confusing and hurtful to me is that the new gf is all of those things! and he is literally with her 24/7! She has no reason to be and those things he hates so much, yet he deals with it from her!
She has a 4year old daughter he practically lives with them and yet he hardly ever see's our 4yr old son! he was i thought an awesome dad when we were together, our son was our everything. when he was layed of for a year he took care of him while i worked and took excellent care of him yet the last time he got him for the weekend 2weeks ago, he came back with the same clothes he had on when he left after 2 days! and that is the second time thats happened! my son has never even mentioned the gf but always talks about her daughter, when i asked my ex about it he said his gf does not interact with our son- Really????? this used to be somethin very important to my stbx, as a matter of fact, his oldest daughter who is 17 lives with me! WTH is going on? i know people change but..........

He is ALWAYS angry with me! it is like he hates me, but HE left ME! He throws his gf in my face said he is the happiest he has ever been, she meets all his needs..then august he calls me out the blue said he really wasnt happy like he told me but he is trying to get himself together. We were supposed to go to Vegas last year and he went with his gf last month! He says that she listens, when he shows her love she accepts it where i rejected it after the affair.

From his daughter i have learned that this gf does not cook, or clean and she doesnt like the daughter and she has a nasty attitude and HE is the one who does the cooking and cleaning and he even watches her daughter on monday nights while she goes to school, yet he barely see's our son and like i said his daughter lives with me so even if he doesnt want to go through me, he can call her phone to speak with our son but he NEVER does!

we are coming up on one year since we have been separated and STILL he is so angry! i almost lost our house, had to file bk, have struggled to support the kids and yet HE is angry with ME! We had a huge argument when he brought my son home because he wanted to stay with his father and i was confused as to why he didnt keep him since he was of that week and i have simply not talked to him since. Last week he asked his daughter to put me on the phone, i refused, she told me he wanted us to go get the cable/internet changed into my name and i said i didnt want to talk to him and he called them to cut the service off! and i work from home and i NEED internet! So i had everything changed over last week, including changing the house number and he was yelling at his daughter he was so angry i could hear him through the phone! WHY?!
I dont bother him, beg him to come back, call him , text him, email him- I just let him be and I made him so miserable and now he is so happy then why is he always trying to hurt me? 


I am ashamed to say that I still love him, and it hurts me so bad the way that he acts like he hates me. When he does come over to pick up our son, he hardly speaks to me unless its to be nasty, he wont look at me. He even brought his gf last time!
It is already hard enough when someone you love abandons you but I wonder if I am having such a hard time getting over this because he is so horrible to me?! It just hurts really bad.

I just dont understand any of this.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Sounds to me like your ex has 'buyer's remorse'. 

He feels like a sh*t for cheating on you; seeing you (especially with HIS CHILDREN) reminds him of what a screw-up he is.

It also sounds as though he is not happy with current gf (although he lies and TELLS YOU he is), but doesn't want to have to eat crow and admit he TOTALLY SCREWED UP.

He will continue on this path until gf finds someone better (more money, hotter-looking, whatever) and kicks him to the curb. You will THEN see him try to rebuild a better relationship with his children (whether they'll be interested in that remains to be seen).

Don't expect him to EVER want to rebuild a relationship with you. He knows he treated you badly and it makes him feel guilty to remember the way he treated you.

Good luck and keep strong FOR THE KIDS!!


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

He found out that the grass isn't any greener on the other side, and man is he pissed about it! 
Don't take his crap, if he gets nasty tell him to stop that! If he tells you how happy he is just say 'congratulations' and tell him you have work to do and goodbye. Cut off any conversations that aren't about your child. He's miserable so he wants to make you miserable too. The best revenge for you is living well, exercise, eat well, and find a real man to hang out with! 
Love is a choice, so choose not to love this spiteful, sour man anymore. HE had the affair, lost his family and then blamed YOU?
Wow, he has life ass backwards.


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## fivewastedyears (Jun 10, 2012)

indiecat said:


> He found out that the grass isn't any greener on the other side, and man is he pissed about it!
> Don't take his crap, if he gets nasty tell him to stop that! If he tells you how happy he is just say 'congratulations' and tell him you have work to do and goodbye. Cut off any conversations that aren't about your child. He's miserable so he wants to make you miserable too. The best revenge for you is living well, exercise, eat well, and find a real man to hang out with!
> Love is a choice, so choose not to love this spiteful, sour man anymore. HE had the affair, lost his family and then blamed YOU?
> Wow, he has life ass backwards.


I had a gf tell me that but if he realized he hurt someone who didn't deserve it and the grass is not greener with the gf, then wouldn't he be Nicer to me? The house he moved into when he left me has lead so for past 3 months he pretty much stays with the gf, we bought this house when we married so why wouldn't he attempt to reconcile with ME?! Since he left I have has the time to get over the affair, I devote myself to the children including his daughter who moved in with me over the summer (she was there all the time anyway) and have gone back to school. I haven't started dating yet I'm not ready so again whyyyyyy wouldn't he try to come home? Instead he told me last month that he does not love me and when he was in Vegas he called his daughter and talked to her for 2 hours about why he is never coming back! And the horrible crimes I committed were not getting over his affair fast enough and not listening!!!!! And everything I did- cooking, cleaning, raising our children, building what was a good life for our family. She does not do yet she gets Everything! 
One year tomorrow and still I hurt. How very sad that makes me feel.
Guess I'm just going over everything n hurting because its the one year mark. I hope.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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