# Help! Marriage problem!



## smilemommy (Jan 5, 2012)

I have been with my my husband for a little over 5 years now he has two children out of country and seems them once a year for about 2 weeks. They are 7 and 9 boy and girl, I have been finding myself having a problem talking to him about them. 

I do not hate them, I dislike how they talk to him and how they look at him as a person. I know he doesn't fall into the area of being a father to them since he doesn't see them a lot, but plain tickets are not cheap, the country is not a good one to live in "money" wise and we are poor, and the mother will not give us custody.

His kids call him and manipulate him so they can only get what they want out of him example, they will call him up say how good they are doing and they want to be rewarded for their "being good". He believes it and makes promises to them, later down the road I will find out through family they aren't "good". I try to explain to him but he denies everything. They speak a lot on the phone but really short convos. Also, they will call him up talking to him about money, I know this is coming from the mother, he is supposed to send child support the 24th every month and they will call him up like the first week of the month asking him when he is going to send the child support, THIS IS NOT RIGHT, he will tell them they need to stop asking him and it is between him and their mother but they do not respect and continue to be this way. They don't call him for holidays and he always send them stuff even if its not christmas or their birthday. When they do call him its like they are demanding him to buy them stuff, his son was so rude to him telling him he has to get him a PSP and if he didnt he was going to be mad at him. It is nothing but threats and demands and rudeness. 

They came down one summer and was really nasty to me. We took them out to a car show and we were about to leave to eat dinner and the daughter, at the time 8yrs old, threw herself on the floor and started kicking and screaming not allowing him to pick her up until she got what she wanted, candy. I tried to step in to help him out but once I did I became the bad guy and he made me feel like he was protecting them from me. I was embarrassed about everything, it happened in front of everyone. He landed up buying them ice cream right after and was pampering them like as if they did nothing wrong and rewarded her for her actions, I spoke to him about it and he said "thats how kid r n you cant not give them what they want" i know how kids are" but I also know you dont reward them for acting out like that then they will think it is ok and keep doing it.

Later that night it was shower time and I was helping prepare the shower and he went to throw the garbage out withing this small time she freaked out on me and went crazy in the bathroom she literally tor the shower curtain off my wall screaming, once he came up the stair he heard her crying and everything got blamed on me, she started acting "scared of me" i tried to explain what happened but apparently she was the angel. *This was a month of this treatment, it went as far as us breaking up*

He still gets treated like crap by them over the phone, just this christmas the didnt call to thank him or all the gifts we sent over including a DS & PSP. He agreed with me about it being wrong they didnt call but said o there must be a valid reason to why. Like a week later his daughter and son called that made everything ok to my husband. I stuck around because I love my husband so much we arent legally married but live like we are married.

I am now pregnant, wasnt intentional, but I am 9mo and we just had a fight last night regarding them, I said to him, "The tax money we get for our son in 2013 we are not using it to go to the country to see your kids, it is going to be used on our son and for things that will be needed". he replied, "no it is going to be used on those kids" i argued until i made it clear i will not allow it. I cannot have my son be cheated, I had to put an add on craigslist for donations my son will need such as clothing, i am trying to do everything i can so he has what he needs. 

I just dont know what to do..? Please, someone give me some advise.


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## crazychic (Jan 5, 2012)

wow, thats intense! thats such a difficult situation to be in and i'm sure the stress isn't helping your pregnancy, there is probably some guilt in him for the children and he probably won't admit it to himself, but have you thought about seeing a marraige counsellor? it really does help to put things into perspective and help you to communicate effectively, it allows you to really knuckle down on why you feel a certain way and helps the other person understand this also, i really wouldn't know where to advice, if anything.....i thnk you could help me as i'm seeing someone who has a child and is about to have another one (he'd already left the mother before he found out she was pregnant, and isn't sure it's his but is generally a nice guy so until he finds out is still in the picture) .....but it's not my story.......i think you should arrange to see a counsellor and try and think about you and the baby.


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