# Wife want to live next to me.



## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

My wife filed for divorce. Initial filing was very lopsided in her favor although she said she wanted to work it out and have a peaceful, uncontested divorce.

Supposedly her attorney has stricken everything from the record that has a date that requires me to appear in court or respond in writing. It should be filed by the court clerk and my attorney is going to look into it to make sure it is what she claims.

Now she is trying to work it out peacefully. Basically she wants to live on our "farm" of 60 acres and build a house about 600' from where I plan to build mine. She is allowing the land to be in my name but wants it written up so that if I ever sell the land she gets half of the proceeds. I'm happy that this isn't going to cost me a LOT of money (estimates of $20k to $30K each in divorce costs) but not so sure I want to live next to her. I know what is going to happen. On her alternating week when she has the kids I know she is going to be using me as her babysitter so that she can continue to come and go as she pleases like she has been. Don't get me wrong, I wish the kids were with me 365 days a year, but there's just something about letting her have her cake and eat it too that is taking away the small satisfaction I might receive if she were to be out on her own having to deal with paying bills, cooking, cleaning, shuttling kids, handling her own problems, etc. I know she wouldn't be able to handle it and she probably knows that too.

Aside from that, anyone here ever been in a situation like this where you lived really close to or on the same property with your ex-spouse. What kinds of problems could come from this that I haven't thought of yet? Is it a bad idea or a good idea?


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## for better or for worse (Jul 4, 2011)

I wouldn't like that....

How are you supposed to move on when you can practically see in her bedroom window?

And i doubt that she is just going to own the house on YOUR property, I dunno, that seems very messy.... just me though,


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## dojo (Jul 4, 2011)

I don't think it's a good deal, even if you keep most of the assets this way. If you are separated, there's a reason for this. Her being there would bring in a lot of problems, as you can already see.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Mike188 said:


> On her alternating week when she has the kids I know she is going to be using me as her babysitter so that she can continue to come and go as she pleases like she has been. Don't get me wrong, I wish the kids were with me 365 days a year, but there's just something about letting her have her cake and eat it too that is taking away the small satisfaction I might receive if she were to be out on her own having to deal with paying bills, cooking, cleaning, shuttling kids, handling her own problems, etc. I know she wouldn't be able to handle it and she probably knows that too.


I know what you mean about that. I'm totally prepared to be the primary caregiver of my child, I feel like I have been the past couple years already. I know she has contributed and is a good mom, but even though it's been 80/20 I we've arranged it to be 50/50 - I suspect it is very tough for her because I feel like I have so much time to myself now. And now when I do have him I'm not always awaiting her return or command so have been able to take better control over child raising, but it does feel lonely being a 50% single parent. I've noticed she's been hiring the babysitter a lot lately to go to concerts, travelling, dining out etc - any day now I suspect her cash/credit situation will be out of room

As to her having a place on your land, seriously?? She wanted to leave you, so tell her to go leave, its YOUR land now.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

I would deed her about 3 acres of my 60 acres. Her house would be about 600'-700' through the trees. The driveway (aboout 1000' long) would pass within about 150' of her house. I weighing the pros and cons that I KNOW will exist. I know there are probably a bunch of other issues that I haven't even imagined yet. She is kind of wanting to eat her cake and then still have it too by picking the best aspects of being married and having someone there to take care of you and also wanting the best aspects of being single. The only reason I'm even entertaining this scenario is that it keeps in in control of the land that I have worked to get and pay off and almost totally eliminates me having to give her anything out of pocket. I guess once all of this is settled I can just not answer my phone or and really cut back what I do for her to what is spelled out in the divorce.
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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Are you her landlord? Are you responsible for capital improvements and repairs? What if her house is damaged, flooded or burned down?


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Damn, RLD beat me on here. I was going to give you a Runs like Dog one liner answer:

No F'ckn WAY!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

One of my former neighbors had a wife that divorced him for her same-sex lover. They got a place kitty corner from his house and the kids went back and forth as they pleased, along with their dog. When the kids were older and could drive the ladies moved away and my neigbor met someone nice and they got married. 

I live/lived in a small town though where it is common for everyone to know ex's and different family arrangements and so forth.

I think it's better to do what works for you in terms of the kids.

I'd be leery of letting someone live on my land, especially farm land, if they are not well put together and have trouble making decisions...any illegal stuff that gets grown on your land, the feds will end up owning it. Even if she has friends who decide to do a little gardening for her. Also there is a huge liability risk just n general. I would suggest subdividing and having her buy the land and the house she builds. It seems to be bad omen to have the land owned by someone other than the owner of the house upon it. I can't see how this would lead to responsible caretaking, there are also issues that are open to interpretation about domain, squatter's rights (if not lease on land is being paid), rights of inheritance, costs to you if she sells or rents the house...etc. It's not like it's a licensed trailer park or a campground, she's going to build an actual permanent house. Sounds like a nightmare to me.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Lack of privacy and awkwardness dating would be two of my issues as well.
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