# Advice on worries



## ak41 (Sep 12, 2012)

My husband and I have been married just a year, we dated for a year and a half before we got married. He has never given me any reason to believe he would cheat or that he is. The problem is, I was married once before for 8 years and with him for 13 and he knew her a month at his work and started cheating, only other boyfriend I ever had also cheated on me. So it really is all I know from men. I am petrified he will do the same. They love me, cheat, and leave. He tells me thats not him. He won't ever leave nor cheat on me. His mother tells me the same thing, he has never cheated although he has been burnt many times by women and walked out on, so he fears I will leave him alot.

I get very nervous like today now because even though this is a first he forgot his phone in his truck last night and we had not been getting along at all this past week. How do I get over this. He tells me let me prove you wrong. Any advice would be great


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

How is it that you've been married only a year and you already have fights that last a week? In your other thread you describe him in a way that sounds pretty beta and weak and passive. Let me ask, Do you respect your husband as a man? How is your sex life? You've been married a year so you're giving it up 5 or 6 times a week right?


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## ak41 (Sep 12, 2012)

We had a rough week, i don't know my husbands schedule is very grueling all he does is work he was brought ul that way, so we don't get to spend much time together and it has worn in both of us. Yes my husband is a passive man, he describes himself as a pushover. I respect him very much, he is wonderful. And yes our sex life is very good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

One thing about passive guys is that they eventually get frustrated and lash out. Lash out by cheating or leaving or in some other way. I suggest you find a way to make him less passive. The book no more mr. Nice guy would give you some insight, as would married mans sex life primer (it's not really about sex).


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

In my opinion fear is best dealt with by confronting it. Be open and honest with your husband about your fears just be sure not to do it in a way that he's feels he's being unjustly accused. If he knows you're owning this insecurity and not blaming him for it he will be more inclined to help you with it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

He sounds like a friend of mine (not a boyfriend but a true guy friend, someone I've never dated or been involved with in the opposite sex kind of way, we talk a lot, we are friends...) Someone who has been burnt by women, works all the time, and would never cheat, and who has a good relationship with his mother. He may need to work a bit less, or find a way to make time for you, call you often from the road or wherever he's working, make advance plans with you in addition to time when he's home...essentially whatever it is that will help you feel secure and you could find out from him what makes him secure and do more of that, too. The other thing is understanding, finding out what it is he gives you of value and recognizing it, whether it's his free time or whatever, his paycheck...and you need to communicate to him what it is that you value that you're giving to him. So you can recognize better that you're involved with someone who is invested and continues to invest in you. There's always therapy, too. I know it sounds trite but if you stick with it you will feel better about yourself and not get all worked up just because you're vulnerable - it's normal to be vulnerable! It's what you do when you feel that way, that determines if it will harm or help your relationship.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ak41 said:


> My husband and I have been married just a year, we dated for a year and a half before we got married. He has never given me any reason to believe he would cheat or that he is. The problem is, I was married once before for 8 years and with him for 13 and he knew her a month at his work and started cheating, only other boyfriend I ever had also cheated on me. So it really is all I know from men. I am petrified he will do the same. They love me, cheat, and leave. He tells me thats not him. He won't ever leave nor cheat on me. His mother tells me the same thing, he has never cheated although he has been burnt many times by women and walked out on, so he fears I will leave him alot. I get very nervous like today now because even though this is a first he forgot his phone in his truck last night and we had not been getting along at all this past week. How do I get over this. He tells me let me prove you wrong. Any advice would be great


ak, this whole post is about YOU. YOU have issues, YOU have self esteem issues, YOU are creating drama.

How to stop, so that you can slow down and have a decent marriage? My first advice is to find a good therapist and start going and working on your personal issues, which will have something to do with your FOO. 

My second advice is for you AND your husband to get this book and start reading it together. It explains how to make sure your marriage is so fulfilling that he has no REASON to cheat: His Needs Her Needs, by Harley.

My third advice is to NEVER allow yourself to raise your voice or try to say hurtful things or to use tactics during an argument. It gets you nowhere and ruins your marriage. There's no excuse for it.


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## dinazcolada (Oct 30, 2012)

You are having such a hard time with this. Just because he left his phone in the car, is not a sign of cheating. 

Because you have had cheating in your past does not mean that it will happen in this relationship. You need to focus on the good things on your relationship, and not the bad ones. 

If you are feeling mad or confused you can tell your husband your feelings in a calm way that isn't accusing or mean. If you are honest without being dramatic your relationship will change.


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