# How to easily fix on-line dating to the way it should be.



## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

I'm actually amazed in this day in age we would have online dating that would make sense. The set up is horrible and as the years go by you figure by now they would have one that is fit for society. This is my thoughts to actually make it way better.

Profile: At least 3 pics and a 30 sec intro video also a about me section that covers everything. There will no longer be sending messages or catchy headlines those things are not necessary. 
Searching: Searching pretty much stays the same you will browse thru potential matches. 
Rate: You will rate on a scale 1-5 if this person interest you 4 being sort of and 5 being a definite.
People will see how they are rated and in return give a rate back. If they give a 4 or 5 back they can move toward a 1 on 1 chat.
Chat 1 on 1: Once you made it here like any other dating site the set up is almost the same but it has advantages. Instead of thinking of a perfect message you have an option of using random topics. You just click on the topic bar and scroll thru a list and pick one to send or just send one of your own. Random topics will consist of travel, hobbies, family, interest, relationships, kids etc they will be 100's all you do is scroll pick one and send. Then the other person can reply with the random topic question. 
Rate: After engaging in this chat they can make a selection in the rating but this can be optional. 
Meet up: After engaging in the chat they can move to the next level of going on a date or exchange numbers. 

So what's y'all thoughts? I think the biggest issue is being bombarded with messages, fake profiles, distractions and juggling messages from all walks of life. This wipes that clean and makes it more efficient. I think people will be more enthusiastic about using on line dating.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Online dating sites don't exist to help people date. They exist to take your money, and the less efficient they are, the longer you spend on the site.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

jlcrome said:


> I'm actually amazed in this day in age we would have online dating that would make sense. The set up is horrible and as the years go by you figure by now they would have one that is fit for society. This is my thoughts to actually make it way better.
> 
> Profile: At least 3 pics and a 30 sec intro video also a about me section that covers everything. There will no longer be sending messages or catchy headlines those things are not necessary.
> Searching: Searching pretty much stays the same you will browse thru potential matches.
> ...


A while back I read an article about a company who was developing a dating app similar to your idea but they would not show people each others photographs until after they had had a chance to chat. I would go for something like that.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

jlcrome said:


> Profile: At least 3 pics and a 30 sec intro video.....


Full body, no “angle” pix.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Lila said:


> ....but they would not show people each others photographs until after they had had a chance to chat...


Can't say I endorse that, looks matter.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I like when you both have to like each other’s photo/profile before someone can send a message. I think it’s hinge that does this. 

I also think that filters should not be allowed. 

People will always lie on their profiles and use old photos when they were skinny and had hair or whatever. There is no good way around that.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Can't say I endorse that, looks matter.


They don't matter THAT much, though...do they...?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> They don't matter THAT much, though...do they...?


Actually, they do. Why waste time trying to form a connection that will be immediately severed if there is no attraction? (Unless the purpose of the site is to find friends, not lovers.) Better to require full disclosure - full face, full body photos up front, none of this misleading stuff seen so often. You are what you are, so trying to hide what you are is not only deceptive, but counter-productive.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Married but Happy said:


> Actually, they do. Why waste time trying to form a connection that will be immediately severed if there is no attraction? (Unless the purpose of the site is to find friends, not lovers.) Better to require full disclosure - full face, full body photos up front, none of this misleading stuff seen so often. You are what you are, so trying to hide what you are is not only deceptive, but counter-productive.


I suppose...but I'm more the opposite...I want a mental/emotional connection, THEN I'm attracted. If I have that, I'll be attracted no matter what he looks like. 
Conversely, he could look like Russell Crowe in Gladiator, and if I don't feel any connection with him, I won't be attracted at all. He can LOOK good, but still NOT be attractive...does that make sense at all...?? Lol!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> I suppose...but I'm more the opposite...I want a mental/emotional connection, THEN I'm attracted. If I have that, I'll be attracted no matter what he looks like.
> Conversely, he could look like Russell Crowe in Gladiator, and if I don't feel any connection with him, I won't be attracted at all. He can LOOK good, but still NOT be attractive...does that make sense at all...?? Lol!


Yes, it makes total sense. I require a connection _as well as_ attraction, and either _can_ affect the other - to a degree. When dating, I usually wanted a significant exchange of information (about values, life goals, etc.) before taking things to a meeting, but the initial attraction was (usually) based on their photos, and that's what led to a conversation. On the other hand, I met many women who did NOT post a photo at all. Occasionally, the result was very positive, but most of the time that initial meet was the last one.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Married but Happy said:


> Yes, it makes total sense. I require a connection _as well as_ attraction, and either _can_ affect the other - to a degree. When dating, I usually wanted a significant exchange of information (about values, life goals, etc.) before taking things to a meeting, but the initial attraction was (usually) based on their photos, and that's what led to a conversation. On the other hand, I met many women who did NOT post a photo at all. Occasionally, the result was very positive, but most of the time that initial meet was the last one.


It would also make me nervous that if a guy liked me because of my picture, he might overlook things in my personality that he WOULDN'T like, just because he thought I was physically attractive. I would want to lay out ALL the bad things about ME, so he can move on if I'm NOT the right woman for him...but what if he pretends he likes those things about me, just because he thinks I'm pretty...?? Then I'm back in a relationship with a man who doesn't really like ME...who will never really be happy with ME...
Being attracted to someone's looks will fade without the connection...can't you find a way to BE attracted to a woman who's personality you really like...?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> Being attracted to someone's looks will fade without the connection...can't you find a way to BE attracted to a woman who's personality you really like...?


Yes. No. I need the connection as well as the (initial) physical attraction. And I can be attracted to a woman's personality - as a _friend_. I believe there are some people (a minority) who are largely indifferent to physical appearance when it comes to romantic relationships, but I am not one of them. Once a romantic bond is formed and well-established, then there is a lot more leeway in attraction due to aging and the vicissitudes of life.

Also, I would not continue a relationship just because of physical attraction, if the non-physical elements were not right. Some men might, but I would not - it's the whole package for me, so I don't rush into relationships and certainly not rush to commitment of any kind.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Married but Happy said:


> Yes. No. I need the connection as well as the (initial) physical attraction. And I can be attracted to a woman's personality - as a _friend_. I believe there are some people (a minority) who are largely indifferent to physical appearance when it comes to romantic relationships, but I am not one of them. Once a romantic bond is formed and well-established, then there is a lot more leeway in attraction due to aging and the vicissitudes of life.
> 
> Also, I would not continue a relationship just because of physical attraction, if the non-physical elements were not right. Some men might, but I would not - it's the whole package for me, so I don't rush into relationships and certainly not rush to commitment of any kind.


You don't think your attraction might "trick" you into overlooking some flaws that would normally be deal-breakers for you...?

I think I'm part of that minority, because to me, ALL men look kind of the same (and I LOVE how they ALL look), so there is very little physically that is unattractive to ME...it's the mental/emotional connection that makes me feel secure that he knows ME and really wants ME, as a person (and that I want him)...so that I won't end up being (or feeling like) a disappointment to him, because once he gets used to my physical appearance, it won't matter to him as much anymore and won't attract him as much.

I guess I could always post an ugly picture of myself...Lol!!!


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Can't say I endorse that, looks matter.



That's fine too but the market is saturated with dating apps that focus mainly on superficiality. Attractive people aren't the ones complaining about dating apps. It's the average and below average people that are not finding success. 

IMO, there is no "improving" dating apps. There's only "doing something totally different".


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> You don't think your attraction might "trick" you into overlooking some flaws that would normally be deal-breakers for you...?


No, because I am a very rational person, and that applies to my relationships as well. I can be very attracted visually, but as soon as she opens her mouth, it can disappear! (Usually, it takes a _little_ longer! LOL) Even if it takes 6 months or more, if there is a deal-breaker personality/character/etc. flaw or meaningful incompatibility, then beauty won't keep me in a relationship.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Married but Happy said:


> Actually, they do. Why waste time trying to form a connection that will be immediately severed if there is no attraction? (Unless the purpose of the site is to find friends, not lovers.) Better to require full disclosure - full face, full body photos up front, none of this misleading stuff seen so often. You are what you are, so trying to hide what you are is not only deceptive, but counter-productive.


Yup, besides I always say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. No one is universally beautiful or unattractive. Everyone has different tastes.
The physical attraction is as necessary as sexual compatibility and the two go hand in hand. I do not wish to be partnered with someone who is with me purely for my personality, I'd rather have someone who desires me physically.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Yup, besides I always say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. No one is universally beautiful or unattractive. Everyone has different tastes.
> The physical attraction is as necessary as sexual compatibility and the two go hand in hand. I do not wish to be partnered with someone who is with me purely for my personality, I'd rather have someone who desires me physically.


Yes, this makes sense too! But what I was saying was that the personality is what feeds my physical attraction. For me (and the minority of people like me), there is NO physical attraction without the personality attracting me first. I can see someone and think they LOOK good, but what pushes it into a feeling of "wanting", of attraction, is how I feel about them as a person. If they aren't that "typically" physically attractive, if I like their personality, or if I feel a connection with them, I WILL be attracted to their body and their looks, because it's THEM. And because they are male - I find MEN quite attractive to begin with...Lol!!!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Lila said:


> That's fine too but the market is saturated with dating apps that focus mainly on superficiality. Attractive people aren't the ones complaining about dating apps. It's the average and below average people that are not finding success.
> 
> IMO, there is no "improving" dating apps. There's only "doing something totally different".


True, I guess I can see your point in trying a different approach. I disagree with it but you never know.

Problem is popularising it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

LisaDiane said:


> Yes, this makes sense too! But what I was saying was that the personality is what feeds my physical attraction. For me (and the minority of people like me), there is NO physical attraction without the personality attracting me first. I can see someone and think they LOOK good, but what pushes it into a feeling of "wanting", of attraction, is how I feel about them as a person. If they aren't that "typically" physically attractive, if I like their personality, or if I feel a connection with them, I WILL be attracted to their body and their looks, because it's THEM. And because they are male - I find MEN quite attractive to begin with...Lol!!!


Heh yeah, I understand. I do tend to forget that people like you are out there.

From my experience many people (including myself) require the physical attraction alongside emotional/mental connection. I had emotional/mental connections with others but I only ever desired them as friends if the physical attraction was not there. To each their own I guess.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> True, I guess I can see your point in trying a different approach. I disagree with it but you never know.
> 
> Problem is popularising it.



I don't think it has to be popularized, only marketed. 

Many more people fail than succeed using the online dating apps currently available. All that needs to be done is to target that audience. 

Like I said, it's not the conventionally physically attractive people that would use an app where the initial draw is not based on a pic. It's the average and below average folks. 

Leave the popular apps currently available (tinders, match, bumble, etc) to the pretty people. Market to the remaining 70%.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hmmm, I googled it, found two:





__





INYN | the world's first post-pandemic dating app | If Not You, Nobody






ifnotyounobody.com








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Taffy - The chat-first way to meet new people.


Taffy is the best way to meet new people.




taffy.chat





I wonder about the pool size however, these are quite niche apps.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm, I googled it, found two:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I think the app I remember reading about was the first one when the photograph is revealed a little at a time. Looks like their app developers did a shotty job. Too bad because the idea has merit. 

I've never heard of nynb but it sounds similar to taffy. 

They definitely need better marketing.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Being old and a luddite, I like the old personal ad concept that was the predecessor to the modern day dating apps.
The one in which I met my wife was a local publication, printed on newsprint. At the time, it was a $1.50 at the news stand, or $12/yr for a subscription.
Men or women wrote and placed their ad, and were assigned a code number. People wrote their responses and sealed them shut, putting a stamp on them, writing the code number in the left corner. These envelopes were mailed to the publisher. The publisher then printed an address label, and mailed them to the person who placed the ad.
There was something more genuine in the old model in that people had to put pen to paper and make their case in complete sentences to encourage a response from the one that placed the ad. So much could be told from the choice of stationary, handwriting, level of creativity, sometimes they were even sprayed with perfume. Sometimes pictures were sent, many times not.
It came across somehow as more sincere and personal than texting a bunch of acronyms and generally more meaningful then the current model, which exudes the warmth of placing an Amazon order.
Sometimes old school is far superior to modern technology.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Lila said:


> I think the app I remember reading about was the first one when the photograph is revealed a little at a time. Looks like their app developers did a shotty job. Too bad because the idea has merit.
> 
> I've never heard of nynb but it sounds similar to taffy.
> 
> They definitely need better marketing.


Possibly, and dating apps do need a tad of a kick-start to start rolling.
The issue with dating apps too is the pool size; an inferior app with more people (hence more choices) would appeal to many compared to a superior app with a niche crowd (less choices).


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Lila said:


> I've never heard of nynb but it sounds similar to taffy.


Are you, in fact, just making up silly names here?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Laurentium said:


> Are you, in fact, just making up silly names here?



Lol, I am. The acronym is actually INYN - ifnotyounobody. 

I did get Taffy right. 

This might be why these apps don't have much of a following. Their names are forgettable.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

being committed to "never do that again", I'm not sure why I'm here. But the idea of answering random questions sounds fun to me. I am the rare man who would be ok with a pictureless profile. My attraction range is pretty wide. And personality is a big deal. 

But with every year that passes my list of deal breakers grows. This year I've determined that I won't up with lies. My dr. lies to me. My merchants lie to me. Politicians lie to me. If I go home and even sniff a lie, I'm done.

So yes deceptive pictures are going to offend that part of me. On the other hand I fully intend to understate my height by 3 inches. Honestly it will probably weed out all prospects, but any survivors would be pleasantly surprised, if they notice.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Mr. Nail said:


> being committed to "never do that again", I'm not sure why I'm here. But the idea of answering random questions sounds fun to me. I am the rare man who would be ok with a pictureless profile. My attraction range is pretty wide. And personality is a big deal.
> 
> But with every year that passes my list of deal breakers grows. This year I've determined that I won't up with lies. My dr. lies to me. My merchants lie to me. Politicians lie to me. If I go home and even sniff a lie, I'm done.
> 
> So yes deceptive pictures are going to offend that part of me. On the other hand I fully intend to understate my height by 3 inches. Honestly it will probably weed out all prospects, but any survivors would be pleasantly surprised, if they notice.


Lol!!! Some women don't care at all about height!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Lila said:


> A while back I read an article about a company who was developing a dating app similar to your idea but they would not show people each others photographs until after they had had a chance to chat. I would go for something like that.


Yeah, but can't a guy (or person) just dump you after you've built such a nice connection, making you feel WORSE??
UGH!!! There's just NO way for OLD to feel safe and be easy, in my opinion!


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

LisaDiane said:


> Lol!!! Some women don't care at all about height!


name three and provide non-italian references. remember no lies.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Mr. Nail said:


> name three and provide non-italian references. remember no lies.


Lolol!!!!!!! What is non-Italian...? I have some Italian heritage...does that mean I can't be included??

I would say any smaller woman wouldn't mind - I'm 5'0", and to be honest, anyone who is over 5'5" looks the SAME height to me - GIANT!! Lol!


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I've noticed a strange and inexplicable trend in shorter italian men. I can't figure it out but for some reason they get a pass. But yes, you as an italian can not vouch for a woman claiming not to care about height, because the rules seem to be different in that culture. It also explains why you don't see the problem. 
I do appreciate your attitude, and your light approach to life. I enjoy conversing with you. 


LisaDiane said:


> Lolol!!!!!!! What is non-Italian...? I have some Italian heritage...does that mean I can't be included??
> 
> I would say any smaller woman wouldn't mind - I'm 5'0", and to be honest, anyone who is over 5'5" looks the SAME height to me - GIANT!! Lol!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Mr. Nail said:


> I've noticed a strange and inexplicable trend in shorter italian men. I can't figure it out but for some reason they get a pass. But yes, you as an italian can not vouch for a woman claiming not to care about height, because the rules seem to be different in that culture. It also explains why you don't see the problem.
> I do appreciate your attitude, and your light approach to life. I enjoy conversing with you.


Well, I'm not really IN that culture at all, I'm equally from Swedish heritage...but I still say, pick a shorter woman, she'll be happy to have a shorter guy!! Both of the men I've been with were 6'2", and I'm hoping for someone a little closer to MY height next time, so maybe I don't have to be staring just above his belly button all the time! Lol!!

And thanks, I enjoy talking to you too -- AND I like to build wooden things too!!!! Although, I'm sure my method is ALOT less "technical" than yours has to be - but it still works!!!


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

I'm a computer geek so in a way all problems seem to be computer problems. (When all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail.) The methodology should be fairly standard as far as optimal matching. Participants would answer (probably many) questions about likes and dislikes, opinions and importances, what you find attractive and what you look like, experiences, religious and political views, and personality. Weighted agreements would be easy to generate and rank.

You could take it a step farther for those that rank looks as important by having a facial recognition program trained by the participant's rankings they give pictures to better estimate personal attractiveness rating of potential matches. 

If there was decent participation, the program could say with some authority things like "there aren't people with a compatible outlook here but two towns over you could find more people worth dating". IE you're looking in the wrong places. Or something like "this particular opinion or view keeps these other potential matches from showing up in your search or ranking, is it as important as you originally said?"

Bonus points if it could match by Netflix queue or Goodreads lists.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


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