# Wife Gone Wild



## AbsentMindedProfessor

I am a workaholic. I have been "sober" (home before dinner) for three years now. But the damage to the family has been done. 

My wife goes out with her Mom every Saturday night and stays out until 3-4 am. Her mom has been depressed, they say, and needs the time with her daughter. So my wife goes with her to a dance bar; most times with no wedding ring. She wears min. 6" pumps, and fancy clothes, plenty of perfume. Her mom says she keeps all the guys away. I think she is feeding off the attention anyhow, at best.

She is often at her friend's house 2-3 nights a week.

I work full time but if the kitchen isn't spotless when she comes home from her outings she is furious.

Once, twice, five times; I said nothing, but it's been 3 months and it's at LEAST once a week.

Last Sat. night she stayed home.

Sunday we fought and when I told her what we used to call those kind of heels, she lost it. She hasn't spoke to me since. It is Friday. She was out until 1am Sun, Mon., Tuesday, NOT with her Mom. No comment on where she was. No conversation at all. 

In the last three months we went out on one date--for 1.5 hours. With me she's tired. 

She also keeps her phone locked (since I checked it three years ago and found secret messages-she went nuts but she was spending a lot of time txting and none talking to me) and gets a lot of texts late at night. Am I a fool for thinking she is just angry?

Ladies, if there is hope, please show me how to get back in. We have kids; I don't want to put them through hell, but I'm there now.


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## Shaggy

Those types of shoes are still called that because that's wat they still are for.

Have you thought about hiring a PI to follow her on one of theses nights out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200

> I work full time but if the kitchen isn't spotless when she comes home from her outings she is furious.


:lol:

Now this scene is from the 50's, only you're the man... So man up dude. She goes out and you're left to clean the kitchen? The hell with that.



> Sunday we fought and when I told her what we used to call those kind of heels, she lost it. She hasn't spoke to me since. It is Friday. She was out until 1am Sun, Mon., Tuesday, NOT with her Mom. No comment on where she was. No conversation at all.
> 
> In the last three months we went out on one date--for 1.5 hours. With me she's tired.


Is your past alcohol problems making you put up with this? After 3 years of being clean? Come on man.


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## Posse

If she isn't already having an affair (which I would bet money on), she will be shortly on her current trajectory.

You need to find out who the other man is.

I am sorry to tell you this, but you are now in a club nobody wants to be a member of. 

Buckle up. You are in for one hell of a ride.

Go to the Coping with Infidelity section and start reading the newbie threads.


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## Hope1964

What did you do, go look up 'signs your spouse is cheating' and just copy them?

Seriously, why are you putting up with this behaviour?


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## HereWithoutYou

This is all kinds of sketchy...


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## 827Aug

Sorry you and the children are going through this. Does your wife work outside the home? How old are the children?

Clearly, what your wife is doing is unacceptable. Before you have a talk with her and set your boundaries, you need to do some detective work. There are plenty of threads giving advice for gathering evidence over in the "Coping With Infidelity" section. I seriously doubt she is out dancing with her depressed mother all those times. My husband used to claim his mother, father, and brother as alibis all the time. BUSTED!


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## Toffer

Something smells like horsesh!t to me here

So she's cheated in the past and she's out looking for action again?

Oh hel! No

Start to investigate quietly and gather the. Throw her cheating azz out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

AbsentMindedProfessor said:


> I work full time but if the kitchen isn't spotless when she comes home from her outings she is furious.


Is she a SAHM?

Does she expect you to clean up a week’s worth of dishes and kitchen mess? If she’s a SAHM, then she’s being unreasonable.

Or is she expecting you to clean up after yourself on the nights she goes out? If this is the case then her expectations are reasonable. She’s not your maid.


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## EleGirl

AbsentMindedProfessor said:


> I am a workaholic.


How many hours a week do you work?


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## sandc

JB100, is that you? Have you changed the locks yet?

Sorry couldn't resist.


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## costa200

sandc said:


> JB100, is that you? Have you changed the locks yet?
> 
> Sorry couldn't resist.


ROFL... Nasty troll that one...


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## hookares

Hope none of the OP's kids are boys. He is sure setting a bad example if they are. Find yours or grow some and tell you wife she's an ex.


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## WorkingOnMe

My guess is you won't be willing to be as tough as you need to be to put an end to this. Just based on how you sound in your post. So, welcome to chumpville.


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## keko

Prof, don't want to hurt your feelings but if you're sending your wife out with *** me pumps and minimal clothing, what exactly are you thinking is going to happen?


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## Readytogo

show up to one of the clubs she attends with her "mom" unexpectidly.


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## MrK

Readytogo said:


> show up to one of the clubs she attends with her "mom" unexpectidly.



:iagree: That.

But seriously, it is awfully good of you to be OK with your wife dating other men. Are you allowed to date other women too?


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## Married in VA

Professor,
As I have said many times before, you too will need to reach into your wife's purse, remove your testicles and reattach. When you do that you need to do the following.

1. Sit your wife down and tell her that these "outings" are unacceptable. Either you will be attending with her or she won't be going. If she shows resistance, you ask her to pack her stuff and leave immediately. She won't leave?, then you implement the 180, cut off all her money, access to cars, etc. 
2. You take her phone from her. First you ask for it and if she says no and won't give it to you, you wait for her to put it down, go to bed, etc. Then you go through it and find evidence of the affair. Also, key logger on the computer and VAR on your person at all times to protect against false domestic violence charges. If her phone is locked you have your answer right there, then.
3. You tell your wife that the affair ends now or you will be filing for divorce. You let her know that you WILL gather evidence of her A and use it as leverage in court to get the house and primary custody of children. This may not happen in real life but the threat of it is usually enough to snap a WS back to somewhat reality. 
4. If no evidence of an A is found, go back to step 1. 

Expect a harsh reaction to your demands when you make them but if you don't, she will continue to lose respect for you and one day she will meet an OM and you will be history. Oh yeah, and,

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!
I can't stress this enough. Remember the following saying:
YOU MOVE, YOU LOSE! You lose the house, you lose custody, you lose your money. Best of luck.


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## heartsdelight

Moms (your kids' or your wife's) do not need to be regularly staying out til well past midnight. It's irresponsible and disrespectful to you and your kids. If it was every now and then with friends, a birthday party here, girl's night out there, sure, but several times a week? Unacceptable. 

What do your kids think when she leaves them at night? If she is a SAHM or even if she works, it's understandable to want a break from the mommy role, but not at the expense of your family, relationship, and kids' wellbeing. 

She needs to grow up and stop acting like a sorority girl prancing around with a fake ID. 

And stripper shoes on a wife? Only in the bedroom or in a consensual setting WITH YOU. Wedding band or no, she wants action. No other reason.


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## Jellybeans

This is not ok at all. Tell her she needs to tell you where she is at during the wee hours of the morning but more importantly, put your foot down.

This isn't a marriage.

And what mother goes out with her duaghter til 4 a.m. to Da Club? WTF?


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## Catherine602

Wear a condom and get a full STD profile 

Apparently, she told you that she decided to stay and work on your marriage? It seems she has really decided to be single.

I can understand your confusion but it is as simple as that I think. She does have a nice set up. You work she plays. Do you really think that anything you have done requires that you pay her off?? 

You seem to be in shock but at some point you will need to pull yourself together and see your lawyer. 

You sound truly remorseful for your transgressions. But please consider that no amount of damage to a marriage warrants this treatment. 

Her only two choices are either to forgive you and have a real marriage or to be single. There is no hybrid choice nor right to punish. 

Moreover, she is in no position to punish you since she seems have no problems in engaging in very bad behavior.


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