# "Friends" trying to parent my children...help!!



## Bridalfo

I have a situation that I need help with. It is somewhat complicated so I will do my best to describe it. My wife and I have two year old twin girls. We live quite a ways from family because of my job. When our girls were born a friend of mine and his wife (who I have never been able to stand) started coming over and helping out. At first it was nice but it slowly moved to a point where they were coming over more and more often and getting too involved with my daughters lives. My wife and the woman have now become "best friends" and like I said I cannot stand her. What complicates things even more is that I am a basketball coach and the husband is one of my assistant coaches. His son tried out for the team and I kept him on the team as a favor to his dad, but he wasn't very good and he didn't play very much. The dad, my "friend" turned on me and started questioning me as a coach and his wife started bashing me to my wife. She even came over to our house and started interrogating me about how I run my team. All the while these people are trying to act like second parents to my daughters. They have just pushed their way into my private life and will not leave. The worst part of it is that my wife has sided with them. She even lectured me about their kid on the team. I work and my wife stays home with the girls. This woman is over at our house every single day and a lot of time the two of them and their teenage kids will just show up at our house in the evenings when I want to be spending time with the girls. It is very stressful for me. My wife and I are having a lot of problems and I am positive that these people are a big part of it. They are incredibly dis functional and they are bringing this into my house on a daily basis. I have told my wife that I think it is inappropriate the way that they cling to our daughters like they belong to them and I have told her how uncomfortable it makes me to have them around. She just gets mad and said that they are her friends and that I can't tell her who to be friends with. Honestly it feels like the three of them are ganging up on me. I guess I just need some validation that they are being in appropriate because I am not getting that from my wife. I will also take any advise I can get.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## As'laDain

Bridalfo said:


> I have a situation that I need help with. It is somewhat complicated so I will do my best to describe it. My wife and I have two year old twin girls. We live quite a ways from family because of my job. When our girls were born a friend of mine and his wife (who I have never been able to stand) started coming over and helping out. At first it was nice but it slowly moved to a point where they were coming over more and more often and getting too involved with my daughters lives. My wife and the woman have now become "best friends" and like I said I cannot stand her. What complicates things even more is that I am a basketball coach and the husband is one of my assistant coaches. His son tried out for the team and I kept him on the team as a favor to his dad, but he wasn't very good and he didn't play very much. The dad, my "friend" turned on me and started questioning me as a coach and his wife started bashing me to my wife. She even came over to our house and started interrogating me about how I run my team. All the while these people are trying to act like second parents to my daughters. They have just pushed their way into my private life and will not leave. The worst part of it is that my wife has sided with them. She even lectured me about their kid on the team. I work and my wife stays home with the girls. This woman is over at our house every single day and a lot of time the two of them and their teenage kids will just show up at our house in the evenings when I want to be spending time with the girls. It is very stressful for me. My wife and I are having a lot of problems and I am positive that these people are a big part of it. They are incredibly dis functional and they are bringing this into my house on a daily basis. I have told my wife that I think it is inappropriate the way that they cling to our daughters like they belong to them and I have told her how uncomfortable it makes me to have them around. She just gets mad and said that they are her friends and that I can't tell her who to be friends with. Honestly it feels like the three of them are ganging up on me. I guess I just need some validation that they are being in appropriate because I am not getting that from my wife. I will also take any advise I can get.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


your going to have to man up and set some boundaries. 

i know its scary to rock the boat, but think about it... if you let all this continue, you will not only lose your friends, but you could lose your family too. 

even though your wife is not having an affair, i would view the other couple as a threat to your marriage. its driving a wedge between you two, so its already damaging your marriage. 

dont let it continue. 

right now, this other couple is destroying your family. you already know that. if you let your family fall apart, you will never forgive yourself for standing by and watching it happen.


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## frusdil

Yep, I agree with the above ^^

Your wife shouldn't be letting the woman badmouth you to her either. If I were in that position I would simply say "you need to discuss this with my husband, it's nothing to do with me".

I would NEVER allow anyone to badmouth my husband...I don't get why your wife doesn't tell this woman in no uncertain terms to shut the f up???

Next time they rock up unannounced tell them it's not a good time for visitors, and that you want the evenings for you and your family.


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## Bridalfo

frusdil said:


> Yep, I agree with the above ^^
> 
> Your wife shouldn't be letting the woman badmouth you to her either. If I were in that position I would simply say "you need to discuss this with my husband, it's nothing to do with me".
> 
> I would NEVER allow anyone to badmouth my husband...I don't get why your wife doesn't tell this woman in no uncertain terms to shut the f up???
> 
> Next time they rock up unannounced tell them it's not a good time for visitors, and that you want the evenings for you and your family.


That is how I would expect a spouse to handle it when someone is attacking their partner, unfortunately it is not how my wife is choosing to handle it. Like I said it feels sometimes like it is 3 against 1 and she would like to get me out of the picture and co-parent my daughters with these people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil

You are the man of the house, the leader of the family. It's your job to protect your family.

I know it's not easy to say to people face to face "this is not a good time" if they rock up uninvited but you really need to.

You can't really say tell your wife who to be friends with, and that they can't come over when you're not there but you have every right to expect your evening to yourself after working all day.

Your wife needs a reality check.


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## daffodilly

Agree you need to set firm boundaries.

There's not much you can do while she's home alone and you're at work, so perhaps telling them that in the evenings, when you are home, it's FAMILY TIME and you would not like visitors. She wants to visit her friend, or vice versa, she can come when you're not home. 

And maybe after this season, coach a different basketball team....and suggest if your friends' son wants to try out you'd rather he tried out if you were not the coach since it puts a strain on your friendship. 

Short of that....is moving a possibility? Maybe closer to family.


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## Bridalfo

daffodilly said:


> Agree you need to set firm boundaries.
> 
> There's not much you can do while she's home alone and you're at work, so perhaps telling them that in the evenings, when you are home, it's FAMILY TIME and you would not like visitors. She wants to visit her friend, or vice versa, she can come when you're not home.
> 
> And maybe after this season, coach a different basketball team....and suggest if your friends' son wants to try out you'd rather he tried out if you were not the coach since it puts a strain on your friendship.
> 
> Short of that....is moving a possibility? Maybe closer to family.


Yes in fact I am looking at new jobs both to get closer to family but sadly also to get away from these people. I almost feel that if our marriage is going to work that we need to remove ourselves from this toxic situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

Your wife isn't the problem here. You are. You're the man, you are to lead your family. Tell your wife it has to stop.


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## turnera

Bridalfo said:


> Yes in fact I am looking at new jobs both to get closer to family but sadly also to get away from these people. I almost feel that if our marriage is going to work that we need to remove ourselves from this toxic situation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So, instead of standing up to your wife, you are going to tuck tail and run? 

What happens in your new place when she puts her NEW friends ahead of you yet again because you're being beta?


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## As'laDain

turnera said:


> So, instead of standing up to your wife, you are going to tuck tail and run?
> 
> What happens in your new place when she puts her NEW friends ahead of you yet again because you're being beta?


i agree with turnera, this is something you are going to have to confront or it will continue to haunt you again and again.


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## Bridalfo

turnera said:


> So, instead of standing up to your wife, you are going to tuck tail and run?
> 
> What happens in your new place when she puts her NEW friends ahead of you yet again because you're being beta?


I wouldn't say that is accurate. I have made it perfectly clear how I feel about the situation, when I say it is part of the problem in our marriage what I mean is that we have had countless arguments about it. The couple is now pissed at me because they think I somehow screwed their son over so they don't actually come over much when I am home, which I am fine with. But now my wife is also pissed at me saying that I ruined a friendship. My wife's view of me is that I am a controlling ass hole who is trying to tell her who she can be friends with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

Who cares how many arguments you have if nothing gets done? Have you specifically said "I don't want them here when I get home" and done something about sending them packing when they are?


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## Hicks

This situation is a bit strange. But it is also not unlike many other marital problems that show up on this board.

Stay at home wife moves away from her marriage. Usually there are other people involved (such as an affair). Sometimes they get gung ho over the PTA. Sometimes they are too involved with friends. Sometimes they are overmothering and not wifing. This takes many forms.

But what you have to recognize is that this is a serious issue. Your wife is not "in" the marriage. Her kids, her individual life, her friends are more important than her marriage. This happens commonly. While a set of friends horning in on your kids is a strange angle, the rest of it is common to many marriages.

How to deal with it? Recognize that there are things you can do and things you can't do.

Example: You can't tell her who to be friends with. But you can tell her the boundaries in your marriage that you will tolerate and ask her to make a choice between her marriage and her friends and give you her decision by X:00 today or tomorrow. But you must be prepared to act when your wife chooses something that you are not prepared to tolerate in your marriage.

So, backing up, if you want the family to remain intact, you had best be sure that what you have to offer is more compelling to her than what they have to offer.

Another suggestion is to gather evidence about what they are specifically telling her. Voice recorders and key loggers and so forth. IF need be consult a lawyer. It sure seems creepy....I would be attempting to record what is being said and done in your home when you are not there.


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## Hicks

Part of the problem is you will avoid admtting to yourself that this is not a marriage. And by failing to admit it, you are unwilling to take a stand as recommended above for fear that she will leave you.... But in many ways she already has.


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## imtamnew

Its OK to be rude with people you don't want in your life.

They next time they try to teach you anything just do a lot of drama. Make it clear you don't like them and don't want them here.

BUT there is a catch.
What will you do if your family starts going over to their place instead.


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## Bridalfo

Hicks said:


> This situation is a bit strange. But it is also not unlike many other marital problems that show up on this board.
> 
> Stay at home wife moves away from her marriage. Usually there are other people involved (such as an affair). Sometimes they get gung ho over the PTA. Sometimes they are too involved with friends. Sometimes they are overmothering and not wifing. This takes many forms.
> 
> But what you have to recognize is that this is a serious issue. Your wife is not "in" the marriage. Her kids, her individual life, her friends are more important than her marriage. This happens commonly. While a set of friends horning in on your kids is a strange angle, the rest of it is common to many marriages.
> 
> How to deal with it? Recognize that there are things you can do and things you can't do.
> 
> Example: You can't tell her who to be friends with. But you can tell her the boundaries in your marriage that you will tolerate and ask her to make a choice between her marriage and her friends and give you her decision by X:00 today or tomorrow. But you must be prepared to act when your wife chooses something that you are not prepared to tolerate in your marriage.
> 
> So, backing up, if you want the family to remain intact, you had best be sure that what you have to offer is more compelling to her than what they have to offer.
> 
> Another suggestion is to gather evidence about what they are specifically telling her. Voice recorders and key loggers and so forth. IF need be consult a lawyer. It sure seems creepy....I would be attempting to record what is being said and done in your home when you are not there.


I agree that it is an issue that started with my wife being unfulfilled in her role as a stay at home mom. We didn't have the support and now she has turned to these people and become dependent on them. They remind me of that kid that didn't have any friends so they will do or say anything to make you be their friend and they cling to you and won't go away. They have sensed that my wife was unhappy so they have latched onto that and have made it worse. It's almost like my wife has been brain washed into thinking that she needs them in her life despite what it is doing to our marriage. They are toxic people and they have infected my wife and I don't know what to do about it. Trust me it is not as simple as me just "being a man and putting my foot down"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tulsy

Bridalfo said:


> ...*They are toxic people* and they have infected my wife and I don't know what to do about it. Trust me it is not as simple as me just "being a man and putting my foot down"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are correct, they are toxic.

Also, I get what you mean...it really isn't that simple. Still, you have to be firm in your approach to this, because so far, once she told you "you can't tell me who I can be friends with", you backed down and allowed this to continue to erode your marriage. 

Your wife has failed to support you...she has put other people before you and allowed them to belittle you and even joined their team. You need to sit her down and have a heart to heart, explain that you feel she has abandoned you by siding with these people, and be willing to divorce if she's not immediately willing to get back on-board. Tell her you love her, but she has sided with people who are toxic and against you, and you will not compete with them for her attention and friendship. She can either remain married to you and you both will move forward together as a team, or she can continue to side with them and you will file for divorce.

You can't save this marriage alone...it will take both of you, and the toxic friends can no longer be in the picture at all. You are right, *you can't choose who her friends are, but if she chooses to remain friends with people who are not friends of your marriage, she has chosen them over you and the marriage*.

It's really that simple. They need to go, or get a divorce. You shouldn't have to compete with these a-holes for your wife's friendship...she's supposed to be on your side. That's what it means to be married.

Someone else mentioned getting VARs to hear how they talk about you behind your back, in your house, in front of your kids...that would be a REAL eye opener for you.

Shame on your wife for siding with these people.


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## turnera

Maybe you should print out this thread and ask her to read it.


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## turnera

Bridalfo said:


> Trust me it is not as simple as me just "being a man and putting my foot down"


No one said it was simple. But if you DON'T put your foot down, you won't have a marriage left to save. She's losing respect for you by the minute, and women either leave or cheat on men they don't respect.

"Wife, I know these people fill a void for you but they make ME unhappy so there has to be a compromise so that both of us can be happy in this marriage. What are we going to do about it? And if you say things are staying just as they are, well, that tells me you put them ahead of me and I will take my cue and prepare to find another life. It's that important to me."


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## tom67

I second that she should read this thread.
The fact that she is siding with them is ridiculous.
She married you not them WTF.


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## Hicks

You may want to move this thread to General Relationship Discussion. I think you would have more responses.

I think you have it right. Your wife is being manipulated by toxic people. And I think you are also right in that they have their hooks in deep so that they are more important to her than you are.

Her are some things I am thinking of that you coudd try.

-- Get them out of YOUR life (not your wife's life). This means that you throw them out of your house whenever you are home. And you don't allow him to be your assistant coach.
-- Talk to the husband man to man and tell him that he is interfering with your family and you want them to leave you all alone.
-- Spy on your wife and plant recorders in your home / car etc to figure out exactly what you are dealing with.
-- Plan for a divorce by maintaing logs of your wife's anti-marriage actions and your wife's poor parenting of your kids by exposing them to predators.
-- Be the ideal father and do as much possible with your kids, to help you in custody position (document it).
-- Withold your wife's access to money, by canceling credit cards, phones, moving money out of joint accounts, cars anything you provide until she wakes up.
-- Speak to a lawyer and figure out if there is any way to rid these people out of your life such as suing them for harrassment
--If they are messing with your life, is there a way to mess with their life?


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## Miss Taken

I wholeheartedly disagree with your wife for not sticking up for you when they bashed you. That's a sign of poor boundaries. Your wife should respect that you don't want them around; however, I do think she's allowed to be friends with whom she chooses.

Someone asked how would you feel if she went to their houses instead? Perhaps you can compromise on her maintaining the friendship but she can do so outside of your home. 

I don't think you should be forced to associate with people you don't like in the comfort of your own home - that should be your respite.

In what ways do they try to parent your children?

What needs are these friends meeting in your wife that she may not be getting from you? Do you think there is something you can do better to weed them out?


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## Bridalfo

Miss Taken said:


> I wholeheartedly disagree with your wife for not sticking up for you when they bashed you. That's a sign of poor boundaries. Your wife should respect that you don't want them around; however, I do think she's allowed to be friends with whom she chooses.
> 
> Someone asked how would you feel if she went to their houses instead? Perhaps you can compromise on her maintaining the friendship but she can do so outside of your home.
> 
> I don't think you should be forced to associate with people you don't like in the comfort of your own home - that should be your respite.
> 
> In what ways do they try to parent your children?
> 
> What needs are these friends meeting in your wife that she may not be getting from you? Do you think there is something you can do better to weed them out?


Yes I realize that I can't tell my wife who she can be friends with and I have not done that but in the state she is currently in any criticism that I make of these people turns into that. I have told her that I don't appreciate how they treated me over the whole basketball thing, I have told her that I don't like them barging in and taking away the little time I have each day from my girls and that I think that their level of attachment to our daughters is unhealthy. All of these things are legitimate concerns that I have a right to discuss with her and things that I feel she should respect but anytime I bring them up it turns into a huge fight and once again I am the controlling prick.

The wife is the worst about it. I have heard he say things like "those are my babies" she also acts like she knows more about them and their personalities, likes and dislikes than I do. She caused a giant $hit storm for me with basketball after I kept he son on the team because she was going around telling parents of kids who did not make it "the coach's wife and I are BEST friends and I basically help raise his kids". I think that I mentioned that I was trying to find a new job so that we can move closer to family, she actually said that if we did move that they would move too. If that doesn't show how screwed up she is than I don't know what does. The husband, who used to be my friend just goes along with everything she does.

The need that they filled for my wife originally was just help with the craziness of having twins and not a lot of help from family. However it has morphed into something way more deep now. I feel like my wife is bored with being a stay at home mom. She never went to college so she really doesn't have many career options and so I think she feels a big void in her life. This woman is 100% drama and gossip all the time so I think my wife has latched onto that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

Have you asked your wife to go to MC yet?


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## Bridalfo

turnera said:


> Have you asked your wife to go to MC yet?


We did and it didn't accomplish anything because she was not willing to participate and work on moving forward. I am going by myself right now to try and keep my sanity. We have other issues and these people are not the only problem, however for me it is the thing that makes me the most upset because it directly involves my daughters.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

When one spouse wants therapy and the other refuses to go or refuses to acknowledge a problem, it then falls back on the shoulders of the aggrieved spouse to LEARN BOUNDARIES and ENFORCE CONSEQUENCES for their own protection. So, basically, you're back to what we've been telling you all along. You have to be willing to take a stand and force the issue or issue consequences.

Remember, your marriage can survive an angry wife; it can't survive a third (or fourth) person.


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## Miss Taken

Given the additional info, I‘m inclined to agree that they sound nuts. Scratch my other post. I wouldn‘t encourage that friendship at all. Offering to move when you move just sounds bizarre. 

Your wife sounds like she may have low self-esteem. Her relationships with these people probably lift her up. Has she considered going back to school? Maybe she wouldn‘t need to latch on to friends so much or cut you down about the kids if she had other accomplishments to take pride in?


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## Bridalfo

Miss Taken said:


> Given the additional info, I‘m inclined to agree that they sound nuts. Scratch my other post. I wouldn‘t encourage that friendship at all. Offering to move when you move just sounds bizarre.
> 
> Your wife sounds like she may have low self-esteem. Her relationships with these people probably lift her up. Has she considered going back to school? Maybe she wouldn‘t need to latch on to friends so much or cut you down about the kids if she had other accomplishments to take pride in?


Miss Taken, I think that you absolutely nailed it in terms of the situation. She does have very low self esteem which is causing her to be unhappy. I have been supportive of her doing whatever she wants to do. I told her that I would support us on my job if she wanted to go back to school, I supported her before our girls were born in the low paying job that she had back then. I supported her when she said she wanted to be a stay at home mom and now that she seems to be unhappy with that I have told her that I would support her going back to work. Yet somehow in her eyes I am the reason for her low self esteem and unhappiness and these crazy people are the only ones who support her. 

She does some other troubling things too. Last year she insisted that we move because our house was too small and she couldn't be happy unless we moved. I caved on that and I shouldn't have. That whole thing ended up a disaster and we ended up selling our first home and having the deal on our new home fall through leaving us in a rental now. Now she keeps telling me she HAS to have a new truck (we have a perfectly fine van that we got last year that is paid off and gets the girls around great). But now she doesn't want to drive a van, she wants a "sexy" truck and that will make her happy (never mind the fact that on just my income things are already tight without a car payment) the truck thing is ridiculous and there is no way I will agree to it, but it is very concerning to me that this is where her mind is at.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## As'laDain

Bridalfo said:


> Miss Taken, I think that you absolutely nailed it in terms of the situation. She does have very low self esteem which is causing her to be unhappy. I have been supportive of her doing whatever she wants to do. I told her that I would support us on my job if she wanted to go back to school, I supported her before our girls were born in the low paying job that she had back then. I supported her when she said she wanted to be a stay at home mom and now that she seems to be unhappy with that I have told her that I would support her going back to work. Yet somehow in her eyes I am the reason for her low self esteem and unhappiness and these crazy people are the only ones who support her.
> 
> She does some other troubling things too. Last year she insisted that we move because our house was too small and she couldn't be happy unless we moved. I caved on that and I shouldn't have. That whole thing ended up a disaster and we ended up selling our first home and having the deal on our new home fall through leaving us in a rental now. Now she keeps telling me she HAS to have a new truck (we have a perfectly fine van that we got last year that is paid off and gets the girls around great). But now she doesn't want to drive a van, she wants a "sexy" truck and that will make her happy (never mind the fact that on just my income things are already tight without a car payment) the truck thing is ridiculous and there is no way I will agree to it, but it is very concerning to me that this is where her mind is at.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


just out of curiosity, do the toxic friends have a truck?


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## Bridalfo

As'laDain said:


> just out of curiosity, do the toxic friends have a truck?


No she says that she has always wanted a truck. The whole idea of what you want and what you need/can afford seems to be lost on her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

My DD23 has a good friend who got pregnant and married the guy a couple years ago. He used to be a douche but he really grew up and became responsible. She, on the other hand, has turned into a nightmare. Almost through with school to be a teacher, but she's basically a SAHM on his low salary, they're living with her mom and sister in a TINY old shack, even though her husband's parents offered to let them stay in their vacant house. She wouldn't go because 'it was dirty' - but really, she can't acknowledge their stuff, not good enough for her. The more she gets depressed, the more she demands he spend money on her. In the past 6 months, they've thrown a $400 birthday party for a 1 year old, gone to 2 or 3 concerts at $300 a pop, gone to a B&B at $500, gone to the rodeo THREE times at ~$100-150 a pop, gone to romantic restaurants several times at $100+ a pop, gone on a vacation...there's more I just can't remember it all. On his $12,000/year salary. Each time, she talks it up, does the thing, and then the next day, she's miserable again. She keeps looking for something to prop her up, make her happy, make her have self esteem, but of course it doesn't work. DD23 (psychology grad student) keeps talking to her about going to therapy, but she won't. She says 'we (black people) don't believe in it.' Seriously, she said that. Her husband is about to crack, because she blames EVERYthing on him, takes NO responsibility for changing things, and he's telling people he wouldn't be there if it weren't for the baby. Bottom line, she's seeking outside stuff to fix what's wrong inside of her. And we all know that never works.


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## Bridalfo

turnera said:


> My DD23 has a good friend who got pregnant and married the guy a couple years ago. He used to be a douche but he really grew up and became responsible. She, on the other hand, has turned into a nightmare. Almost through with school to be a teacher, but she's basically a SAHM on his low salary, they're living with her mom and sister in a TINY old shack, even though her husband's parents offered to let them stay in their vacant house. She wouldn't go because 'it was dirty' - but really, she can't acknowledge their stuff, not good enough for her. The more she gets depressed, the more she demands he spend money on her. In the past 6 months, they've thrown a $400 birthday party for a 1 year old, gone to 2 or 3 concerts at $300 a pop, gone to a B&B at $500, gone to the rodeo THREE times at ~$100-150 a pop, gone to romantic restaurants several times at $100+ a pop, gone on a vacation...there's more I just can't remember it all. On his $12,000/year salary. Each time, she talks it up, does the thing, and then the next day, she's miserable again. She keeps looking for something to prop her up, make her happy, make her have self esteem, but of course it doesn't work. DD23 (psychology grad student) keeps talking to her about going to therapy, but she won't. She says 'we (black people) don't believe in it.' Seriously, she said that. Her husband is about to crack, because she blames EVERYthing on him, takes NO responsibility for changing things, and he's telling people he wouldn't be there if it weren't for the baby. Bottom line, she's seeking outside stuff to fix what's wrong inside of her. And we all know that never works.


The trying to spend money we don't have on material things that she thinks will make her happy is very much what my wife is going through. Blaming everything on me is also something that she does. When I talk about moving it is not turning tail and running away, it is trying to get to an environment were healing in our marriage can take place, because I think that it is impossible with where we are currently at.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

I do hear what you're saying. But the bottom line is that she has to find happiness within herself. No matter where you go, she will still be unhappy.


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## AliceA

I think if it's not this couple that she has attached herself to, it will just be someone else. Is there some way you can expose her to good people? Draw her into circles with people in healthy, happy marriages if you can. I think you are right that the people she is choosing as friends are very unhealthy for her. I think it's probably a reflection of how unhealthy she is herself. If she can see and spend time with people who are healthy, it would benefit her. For example, I joined a mother's group when my first child was little. There was a lady there who was very open to learning how to be a better person, a better mother, a better wife. She is a great person and I think her friendship made me a better person.


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## MyHappyPlace

Just wondering if OP has been back for any updates... maybe in another thread somewhere?


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## Happyfamily

Bridalfo said:


> I am a basketball coach and the husband is one of my assistant coaches. His son tried out for the team and I kept him on the team as a favor to his dad


I'm not a coach. But even I can see this is really wrong! 

So this tells me you let other people pressure you into doing wrong things. So the problem isn't the wife. Putting your foot down doesn't mean telling someone how you feel. It means actions on their part make for consequences you impose. 

Why aren't you in couples counseling?


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## Alisha1

I would just state that you appreciate the thought but you can parent the way you want to.


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