# Thoughts and advice - repair relationship or move on



## skitown (Feb 9, 2010)

So, H informed me that he found a vehicle that he would like to purchase ( we do not need one - have two they run fine) - a classic car for about $20,000. I respectfully informed him that we do not have the money. I also stated that he has enough things that he does not have the time for - so why another. His response was that I did not understand the value of the car - it would be wise purchase. Financial commitments come first - we do not have any spare cash lying around. Two weeks later he informs me that he is buying it - needless to say we got into a heated argument - he left the house and did not return until three days later. 

After he left, our son spoke with me - and I was shocked by what I heard. He urged me to get a divorce -knowing how unhappy I am in the relationship and the difficulties I have with my husband. He also talked about the difficulties he has with his dad. This discussion really broke my heart. I responded by saying that I am keeping all options open.

After my H returned, he did apologize. However, some things are standing out in my mind - I don't think my H loves me. Here are the indicators - during the two weeks we were having this difficulty I verbally stated that I loved him and that it was very important to me to keep this family together. He never said anything like that to me - it was all about his things. I still have no idea where he went, I did not ask - nor do I really care. I find it odd that he did not just say where he spent the past few days. He did apologize yet he has not said the I love you - you are important to me, this family is important. Nor has he tried to reaffirm the importance of his relationship with his son. I know he cares and loves him, but I would think after leaving for three days - no calls or anything, a little extra effort would be taken to repair the relationship. 

What it comes down to - is that for the past 7 to 10 years, I have felt that I really do not matter in the relationship. Life - our marriage - has revolved around his things. Perhaps I am just a paycheck, someone to cook, do the laundry, etc. I long for the opportunity of having someone take an interest in me - you know just a nice hello , how was your day. It sucks being lonely and married. 

I really don't know what I am looking for here - some guidance and advice. Is it time to say that the relationship has ran its course and we should move on. I must admit, when he was gone - I felt this burden lifted off my shoulders.


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## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

it "seems" you may be happier without him, because you dont feel loved or respected, and you felt a burden lifted when he was gone. its all easier said than done, but i think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him about how you feel and ask how he feels. if you are not getting the responses you long for in a relationship, maybe do a trial separation and see how you both feel after a couple months of that. 

btw, how do i post my own question on this site?


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## skitown (Feb 9, 2010)

Thanks. I have tried the heart to heart - but some how, I find that I close my self off - it is difficult to communicate.

As far as posting - go to the section you are interested in and midpage above the thread bar - there is a box that says something like start a new thread. Click on that and start typing.


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## angelsmilk (Aug 9, 2011)

I by no means am an experienced wife--only married two years...and here seeking advice because obviously we are not doing a good job. But one of your last comments made me stop and think. You mentioned that you have had heart to hearts but that you find it hard to communicate. I can't say that my opinion on the rest of your post would have any substance, but I do know that I completely shut down when we try to have our heart to hearts. My h never really wants to LISTEN..he always wants to manipulate the conversation to go his way. I would write a letter. It helps you read everything that's in your head and kind of makes your feelings tangible. I find that I catch a lot of my craziness that way..and you'll get to say everything you want. Without the yelling or interruptions. There is no excuse for just leaving though..that's just BS.


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