# My husband blames himself for a friends death



## PinkOnion (May 2, 2019)

Hello everyone. First, I am a terrible selfish wife. I just knew that because my husband had a breakdown. I have been accusing him of cheating as he wasnt being himself and I can feel him pulling away and just not as sweet as he was before. Long story short, the day before his friend killed himself, he messages my husband to check if he wanted to hang out with him. My hubby ignored the message as he was busy. Later on found out he hanged himself and he feels guilty and responsible about it. This was what he told me after we had a fight because i was feeling suspicious as everytime i come close to him he closes his whatsapp! Ive done that 3x and he did same thing. He said it’s because he’s ashamed of what He was telling his mate. Basically about his fetish which im not okay with but I get along woth it and talk about it but we never really did it. So i bugged him and told him to show me but poof he smashed his phone and now its beyond repair. So ting, that moment i knew he was hiding something. I was ready to leave the door but he was being suicidal, got the knife and cut himself. I was so angry I know he was cheating because why would he rather destroy his phone than show it to me if he isnt doing anything bad?! Anyway i still left but came back because what if he actually hurt himself to a point of no return? I dont want that. What happened next is he told me about his friend and that his coworkers notice aswell that he’s changed and just breaks down and crying while saying all those stuff. I have never seen him cry so much. Now i think he isnt cheating on me- i guess what Im really asking here is how do I make him feel better? I am thinking of getting us a time off work and do something.. but what? I just want us to have a nice time together i guess to take his mind off it and for him to forgive himself. Thank you for reading.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Have him seen by a medical professional. He needs their help.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If got a knife and cut himself and is suicidal he needs to be seen immediately by a medical professional.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> If got a knife and cut himself and is suicidal he needs to be seen immediately by a medical professional.


Could be PTSD. Whatever it is, he needs help.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Okay I'm just as terrible as you.

I wouldn't completely rule out cheating. Having such a bizarre reaction, especially with his phone, raises my suspicions. And many WSs get dramatic, self-harm, and threaten suicide to deflect.

Get him medical help AND keep snooping.

And this whole fetish business mixed in is suspicious too.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Could be PTSD. Whatever it is, he needs help.


Why would he have PTSD?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Okay I'm just as terrible as you.
> 
> I wouldn't completely rule out cheating. Having such a bizarre reaction, especially with his phone, raises my suspicions. And many WSs get dramatic, self-harm, and threaten suicide to deflect.
> 
> ...


I have to agree. The fact that this person killed themselves wouldn't explain him repeatedly hiding his phone from his own wife, and then deliberately breaking it. 
Also threatening to hurt yourself or hurting yourself to stop your spouse leaving is highly manipulative behaviour.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Why would he have PTSD?


He is in the military. Plus his friend killed himself and he blamed himself for that?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> He is in the military. Plus his friend killed himself and he blamed himself for that?


I doubt the thing about his friend would have caused that alone. Maybe if he has seen awful things in the army.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> MattMatt said:
> 
> 
> > He is in the military. Plus his friend killed himself and he blamed himself for that?
> ...


He himself said he was messaging "his mate" about a fetish.

I think there's more going on than grief


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> He himself said he was messaging "his mate" about a fetish.
> 
> I think there's more going on than grief


Which might equal more guilt?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

He is crying out for attention, definitely needs some psychological help however, that does not mean he hasn't cheated. There are 2 issues here. 
He may be using the former as a manipulation to get you to back off. The next time he threatens with a knife, call an ambulance and the police. I think he is being manipulative also. The smashing of the phone is a way to throw you off the scent, yes he needs help to handle the death of his friend but his aggressive response, there is more to it. Tread carefully.


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