# My ex has left (fled) the country



## MovingOn19 (Oct 26, 2020)

Hi Everyone,

I wasn't sure where this question really belonged but I figured this is probably the best place for it. I won't go into the big long saga of my divorce (and I am officially divorced for two years now) but I'm six years in and still fighting with the ex. 

My current situation is this - I have sole custody of both my kids (always have since we split 6 years ago). There is a restraining order against my ex that prevents him from contacting me or the kids. This is because of him making death threats against me, sending horrible text messages to my daughter and trying to completely alienate my son from me. 

Even with all of this though...he's continuing to fight me for custody. He notified me of his intent to file an emergency motion to have our kids returned to him. This was approximately one month ago. He also currently owes me over $40k in back child support and costs awarded to me for our legal matters. He is facing an additional $21k in costs being awarded to me. 

I found out last week that he has left the country. I have no idea where he is (and his lawyers are not providing any information either). Does anyone know if there is anyway to have him tracked down and force him to return (I'm in Canada)? Do I have any recourse whatsoever or I am basically SOL unless he returns voluntarily? He has no job, no friends, but he does have contacts in the US so I'm assuming that's where he's gone. He would have to fly to wherever he is because the land border is currently closed for Canadians wanting to go to the US. 

This is really just a shot in the dark but I thought I'd just throw it out there to see if anyone has gone through anything similar. 

Thanks!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Why do you care? Sounds like its better for you that he left.

Look, he can file whayever requests he wants.....that means nothing. There are restraining orders on him, nasty texts to you and your daughter, he has no job, and owes you a bunch of CS. What are the odds a judge would actually yank the kids from you to send to him?

You don't mention how old your kids are but if you've been split for 6 years they aren't super young and may be able to speak to a judge. And a judge is going be be disinclined to pull them from their home of 6 years....it might be different if you'd just split (and there wasn't his threats and nastiness).

So if I were you I'd hope he stays gone. My kids father hasn't paid me CS in years so I support them myself. My situation is different in that I have an ok relationship with him, he just doesn't have any money. And out boys are now young adults so he just talks to them.

This guy did you a huge favor by leaving.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I just read your other thread. He's controlling, he hasn't paid child support, he has threatened you and your family, your children don't want to spend time with him. 

Can you explain why you want him back?


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

MovingOn19 said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> I wasn't sure where this question really belonged but I figured this is probably the best place for it. I won't go into the big long saga of my divorce (and I am officially divorced for two years now) but I'm six years in and still fighting with the ex.
> 
> ...


I'm not sure what the problem is here. Why in the hell would you want him to come back? Is it the money? He has no job, is there some other way he is going to get money to give to you? He left and that is a good thing for you, enjoy that he is out of your life.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

pastasauce79 said:


> I just read your other thread. He's controlling, he hasn't paid child support, he has threatened you and your family, your children don't want to spend time with him.
> 
> Can you explain why you want him back?


Pretty sure she is just looking for ways to get the money owed to her. 

From the way it sounds, it is worth giving up every penny of back support to have him gone.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Pretty sure she is just looking for ways to get the money owed to her.
> 
> From the way it sounds, it is worth giving up every penny of back support to have him gone.


Sometimes it is worth it. It was worth it for me to accept that I wasn't going to get a lot of CS from my kids father and I don't have any of the issues she does. We have a pleasant relationship, he just doesn't have any money and I make good money. Pursuing him would get me nothing but a soured relationship and a struggling father is not good for my kids.

Her ex is nasty and abusive. 

She's going to have to write off the money.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

If you have a valid judgment against him once you find him, you don't have to drag him back. You simply need to hire a lawyer where he is & try to get the Canadian judgment enforced where he is. 

That said, do not count on that money.


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## MovingOn19 (Oct 26, 2020)

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for your responses. I do not want him back, and I have really no concern that a judge would ever give custody to my ex. I just want to know if there is any way to at least get what he owes me. It may sound trivial, but while he doesn't have a job he does have significant assets and has no living costs (he's been living with his parents this whole time). I bought him out of our house (and took on significant debt to do so) and he was supposed to start to paying child support after that. Essentially, he only paid a few months worth before he just stopped. With the pandemic, the government agency that handles enforcement was only doing minimal enforcements as it assumed that if people weren't paying it was because they were laid off etc. He's just taking advantage of that. 

I have supported my kids on my own this whole time, and I can/will obviously continue to do so. It's really just the fact that he has been absolutely horrible to me for so long and has continuously been allowed to do so, and now when he's finally being held accountable for his actions....he runs away.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

MovingOn19 said:


> Does anyone know if there is anyway to have him tracked down and force him to return (I'm in Canada)? Do I have any recourse whatsoever or I am basically SOL unless he returns voluntarily?


Some countries will cancel the guys passport, but that's not much good if he has 10 years left on it. Nobody gets extradited for not paying child support.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Unless he comes back you won't see a dime of that money, sorry. Look on the bright side, some pay a lot more just to get away from a spouse and they lose time with their children in the process. You are getting off at a semi cheap price in comparison. I understand you want your money, but enjoy the peace his being gone gives you and your children and move on as best you can.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

MovingOn19 said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> I wasn't sure where this question really belonged but I figured this is probably the best place for it. I won't go into the big long saga of my divorce (and I am officially divorced for two years now) but I'm six years in and still fighting with the ex.
> 
> ...


If you have the kids then why worry about him. If he is gone then he is gone. Let him stay gone. 
He can't trouble you if he isn't even in the country. If he is such a pain it would be a blessing to you that he never returns. 
When I started reading it I was expecting him to have taken the kids but since he didn't and you have them. Count your blessings that he is gone.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

His punishment is self inflicted, he won't be able to see his kids. If he gets caught up on CS, he'd have a good chance at seeing them again even with a RO (at least where I'm from). Be careful what you wish for.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Pretty sure she is just looking for ways to get the money owed to her.
> 
> From the way it sounds, it is worth giving up every penny of back support to have him gone.


My first husband owes me nearly $70k in Child Support, and hasn't paid a penny to me in over 10 years. 

Don't get me wrong -- I would LOVE that money, but when I think of how much peace is in my life because he has not been in it, it's worth DOUBLE that amount!!!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MovingOn19 said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> I wasn't sure where this question really belonged but I figured this is probably the best place for it. I won't go into the big long saga of my divorce (and I am officially divorced for two years now) but I'm six years in and still fighting with the ex.
> 
> ...


I don't know how in Canada. Does the government collect the support from his paycheck like in the US and forward it to you? If not, anything you did would probably cost a fortune. In the US, they might do an international warrant on him and catch him coming and going from the airports. If there is an agency there that approves the child support, contact them and ask them about it. Keep going up the ladder. A friend of mine's husband threatened to do that if she divorced him. Irresponsible, and no way would either of them deserve the children after abandonment. Problem is it's the kids who suffer and are in emotional pain for the rest of their lives. So sorry.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

LisaDiane said:


> My first husband owes me nearly $70k in Child Support, and hasn't paid a penny to me in over 10 years.
> 
> Don't get me wrong -- I would LOVE that money, but when I think of how much peace is in my life because he has not been in it, it's worth DOUBLE that amount!!!


I called my child support "the freedom tax" and damn its been worth every last cent!!


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## MovingOn19 (Oct 26, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't know how in Canada. Does the government collect the support from his paycheck like in the US and forward it to you? If not, anything you did would probably cost a fortune. In the US, they might do an international warrant on him and catch him coming and going from the airports. If there is an agency there that approves the child support, contact them and ask them about it. Keep going up the ladder. A friend of mine's husband threatened to do that if she divorced him. Irresponsible, and no way would either of them deserve the children after abandonment. Problem is it's the kids who suffer and are in emotional pain for the rest of their lives. So sorry.


Once I have confirmation of where he is (if I ever do), then I will be able to update our government agency to find out what they can do. Normally they can garnish wages, but as he has no income they can't do that. They can also garnish any tax refunds or benefits he receives, but he doesn't receive any of those either. They can suspend his license, his passport and possibly even sentence him to jail...all of which means nothing if he's not in the country. I seriously doubt they would go so far as to try to extradite him from wherever he is.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Well, all they do is put out an international warrant. Then they might catch him, but the best chance of that is when he's using his passport, probably. I mean, they probably won't just go trying to track him down. A private detective would cost money, but might be able to trace him maybe through credit card trail or something. But if he has no money, really what is the point? Although if he's traveling, he does have money, probably hidden. If it wasn't before, it will be once he's abroad, hidden I mean. I would do everything possible to get him thrown in jail. But do have them suspend all his identities because that's how he will get flagged when he's trying to use them to travel. He could end up in jail or at least stuck somewhere he doesn't want to be! But then too that country might deport him.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You were never going to get what he owes you because he has a lifestyle that allows him to slide under the radar. I would suggest that you let him stay in the past and just continue on the way you have been.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

If he has assets, levy on the assets. What's the problem?


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## MovingOn19 (Oct 26, 2020)

D0nnivain said:


> If he has assets, levy on the assets. What's the problem?


Problem 1 is that is he is hiding at least 1/2 of his assets. Problem 2, the other 1/2 are in the form of investments and I don't believe the government has the ability to just take those (or a portion) to clear his arrears. 

Besides which, it is now a whole other ball game as I was just informed that not only has he left the country, he is in Tanzania and does not plan to return until after we have a judge's ruling (meaning if he loses (again) he will not return ever). Which, yes, is good for me as I can finally stop worrying about my safety etc. I think I'm just absolutely blown away that he would go to such lengths to avoid any accountability/responsibilities to his kids.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

MovingOn19 said:


> . I think I'm just absolutely blown away that he would go to such lengths to avoid any accountability/responsibilities to his kids.


Why does that come as a shock to you? He's abusive. As far as getting anything out of him...good luck with that if he's in Tanzania.


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## Lynnevicious (Apr 25, 2021)

Wow, I am in a very similar situation. Eerily so actually.

I have an order of money judgment awarded by the court. This was used to put a lien on some property he owns that he’s trying to sell. He won’t be able to sell it without paying me or paying me at closing of the deal.

I am also taking him back to court for unreimbursed child expenses not covered under child support. My ex fled the area as well, so when he doesn’t show up to court, I will get another judgment against him and will use that to file another lien in his property. It can actually work in your favor to have them bail out of town, because they won’t come to court. 

I amin the US, so that’s how that works, but I suggest you contact a lawyer to help guide you if there is something similar in Canada.

Basically, I think the only way is through court and judgments. If he is defaulted on his child support, do they put a warrant out for his arrest like in the US? Again, speak with a lawyer to help you. Otherwise; you will not see a dime from him. Good luck


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> But do have them suspend all his identities because that's how he will get flagged when he's trying to use them to travel.


Countries don't check if passports are still valid on entry/exit.
(beyond looking at the dates in the travellers passport)


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Countries don't check if passports are still valid on entry/exit.
> (beyond looking at the dates in the travellers passport)


I just read up on it and that doesn't appear to be true.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I just read up on it and that doesn't appear to be true.


Because it is not true. At least in the majority of the world's countries.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Because it is not true. At least in the majority of the world's countries.


Would point out the western world only represents 15% of the planet's population.
And Asian countries don't appear to be connected to any western database, and the immigration booths I go through certainly don't take enough time to check my passport is valid ......... rubber stamp and write the entry date is about it for checks.


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## MovingOn19 (Oct 26, 2020)

Hi Everyone...quick update. I notified our government agency that he is no longer in the country. They advised that once they revoke his passport for non-payment of child support then he won't be allowed entry into the country until his arrears are paid. My understanding is the way it works is that he will have a certain amount of time to either pay his arrears or surrender his passport. If he doesn't surrender it by the date given then it is cancelled and can no longer be used for immigration/travel purposes. Either way, by leaving the country with significant arrears (and in the middle of a court process) he has made things so much worse for himself. He has also been contacting my son which he is not allowed to do (there is currently a restraining order). We are to be in court on Tuesday and all of this is going to come out.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

How will you get anything he owes you if he has no job?


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## MovingOn19 (Oct 26, 2020)

ABHale said:


> How will you get anything he owes you if he has no job?


He has over $500k in assets that he refused to use. He has even admitted to having these assets but as it's "all the money he has in the world" he doesn't want to have to use it to cover his child support or the cost awards.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

You can get with your local child advocacy and see if they can get the funds for you. If you know where the money is they might be able to just take it through the court system. Just don’t let him know you are doing it.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

__





For people who owe support


Department of Justice Canada's Internet site




www.justice.gc.ca





Hope this helps.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

https://familylawyerwinnipeg.com/can-you-go-to-jail-for-not-paying-child-support-in-canada/


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