# How to stop an affair?



## loosingmysouldmate (Aug 5, 2012)

My husband has been having an affair with a 48 yo married woman. She has been married for 26 yrs. We have been married 5 yrs. We are 44 and she is older then my husband.
They did meet at the work place.
I love my husband very much. We have been through more in the last 5 yrs then most people in a life time.
However, our relationship began in high school and has been off and on until 2007.
They have each now left their perspective spouses and are determined to begin a relationship together.
What do I do?


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

So...he has already left you for her?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

loosingmysouldmate said:


> My husband has been having an affair with a 48 yo married woman. She has been married for 26 yrs. We have been married 5 yrs. We are 44 and she is older then my husband.
> They did meet at the work place.
> I love my husband very much. We have been through more in the last 5 yrs then most people in a life time.
> However, our relationship began in high school and has been off and on until 2007.
> ...


How long have they been together before him leaving home?
Do you all have any kids?
Has he said anything about divorce?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, the first thing you need to do is call everyone important to him and inform them that he has been having an affair and THAT is why he moved out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Them living together could be the best way to kill the affair. They just might find out that reality does not live up to the fantasy.


Does their employer know? Do you depend on his income... meaning will you be OK if he were fired?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Speak with her husband. Report them to their workplace.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Loosingmysoulmate,

I dont think he has made a right decision.

In any case, as he has already left you, can you let him go?

Read "let them go" link under LordMayhem's signature.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

loosingmysouldmate said:


> My husband has been having an affair with a 48 yo married woman. She has been married for 26 yrs. We have been married 5 yrs. We are 44 and she is older then my husband.
> They did meet at the work place.
> I love my husband very much. We have been through more in the last 5 yrs then most people in a life time.
> However, our relationship began in high school and has been off and on until 2007.
> ...


Not much you can do as this is no longer an affair but a relationship.

I`d get in touch with her husband and see what he knows about what she`s doing.
He may not even know there`s another man involved.

Your best bet is to shake up their little world as much as possible.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

What to do? First, see a lawyer and protect yourself. You only get to control you. Unfortunately, there is no way to "stop an affair." You can make it more difficult, by imposing consequences, like outing the affair to the other spouse (sounds like that is done) or the work place. And you can impose the consequences of not rolling over and taking it -- lawyer up! 

Here's a how to with some basic steps to take care of YOU. 

I just discovered I was cheated on. Now what?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

expose the affair, by informing the family, the work place, and friends that you are looking for support in the marriage and would like them to understand you want the marriage to work but until the OW is out of the picture, you will be filing for divorce.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

It is still an affair while you are in the relationship as his wife. You can not control another person, but you can dump a large pile of reality on them. At the moment their world is all unicorns and rainbows.
Are threre kids involved? 
If there are kids. Go nuclear.

1.Read up on he 180. 
2. Expose this for what it is. 
3. Get finances in order.
4, Deliver Divorce papers

Start to Let Go. The 180 will help. Realise that he does not care one bit about you at the moment and may never again. This is hard.
We could use more detail..


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> Loosingmysoulmate,
> 
> I dont think he has made a right decision.
> 
> ...


Why let go when she can, metaphorically, kick him clear across the street? And the OW, too?

He and the OW must learn that their actions have consequences.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Here is a link to the 180.

Read it carefully and [practice it religiuosly and it will help you move on if things do not turn around.

http://www.network54.com/Forum/233195/thread/1302875291/last-1302891381/The+180


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Any kids involved? How old?


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