# want her back...



## Dizzle6985

So... here we go. I cheated on my wife. She is pregnant with our son, and when she was about 3 months in i cheated with a co worker. I blamed it on the breakdown of our marriage, and the fact that she was never the person i thought i wanted. I spent a lot of time blaming her, and blaming myself half the time. But, as the months of seperation have gone on... it's been getting closer to D day, and i have really been having a hard time telling myself that i can sign those papers, and loose her forever. 
There are so many little things i miss about her, and it's hard to forget about most of them. I almost get anxiety from it. I feel like the seperation was a nessecary evil, and that being apart has helped me grow up... I just can't think about giving her away, and not having my second son know who his father is. I spend a lot of time thinking about how much i want her back... but how can i ever get it back to what it was when i screwed her over so badly to begin with??


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## Kurosity

Oh how sorry I am that you are going through this. I do not have the words for you but I hope someone comes along soon that does.

So sorry


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## smith9800

Dizzle6985 said:


> So... here we go. I cheated on my wife. She is pregnant with our son, and when she was about 3 months in i cheated with a co worker. I blamed it on the breakdown of our marriage, and the fact that she was never the person i thought i wanted. I spent a lot of time blaming her, and blaming myself half the time. But, as the months of seperation have gone on... it's been getting closer to D day, and i have really been having a hard time telling myself that i can sign those papers, and loose her forever.
> There are so many little things i miss about her, and it's hard to forget about most of them. I almost get anxiety from it. I feel like the seperation was a nessecary evil, and that being apart has helped me grow up... I just can't think about giving her away, and not having my second son know who his father is. I spend a lot of time thinking about how much i want her back... but how can i ever get it back to what it was when i screwed her over so badly to begin with??


The mistake was yours. So, its your duty to say sorry to her and realize her that you really love her and want her back in your life...


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## moxy

First of all, apologize to your wife. Then, tell her what you want. Then, try to start discussing the problems in your marriage and in you that brought you to this point. Get a marriage counselor and work through whatever you can. Of course, all of this is assuming she still wants you....so start with an apology and asking if she wants to try to work it out with you.


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## Dizzle6985

while I'm not trying to justify my actions... the choices I make will live with me, and will act like an albatross around my neck... marriage is a two way street. we were on the rocks during the summer. we went to counseling, I slowly started to gain trust back, and it was all looking good. the decision to have another child was not pre meditated, it was accidental. not without saying we both will love our son, it wasn't the best decision coming off of brush with divorce a few months earlier. 
in the end, yes... I am a horrible scumbag pos who doesn't deserve to have 2 beautiful boys... but I do, and the decisions I made, which I feel have merit, are mine. I own them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dizzle6985

the reason I posted is pretty simple. I miss her. she has about as many flaws as I do, but the more time we spend apart, the more I start to remember the good things. stuff I've taken for granted. but... an apology is not going to cut it. it would take maturing as a man (I'm only 26) and getting my life together to even start to show her that I'm not that man anymore. if I know my wife it's that words are meaningless compared to actions. so, what now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41

Dizzle6985 said:


> the reason I posted is pretty simple. I miss her. she has about as many flaws as I do, but the more time we spend apart, the more I start to remember the good things. stuff I've taken for granted. but... an apology is not going to cut it. it would take maturing as a man (I'm only 26) and getting my life together to even start to show her that I'm not that man anymore. if I know my wife it's that words are meaningless compared to actions. so, what now?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Go and talk to her
Tell her everything you have told us, but only if you're sure you want to be with her.
You now need to prove to her that this is what you want in actions not words.
She might not want you back but it's better to risk losing a bit of your pride than to never try.
Good luck
DG
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

Tell her how you feel. tell her you want another chance.

The ball is in her court. Respect her decision either way.

Do not cheat in the future.



Dizzle6985 said:


> But, as the months of seperation have gone on... it's been getting closer to D day, and *i have really been having a hard time telling myself that i can sign those papers, and loose her forever. *


Even if you don't sign the papers, a judge will.

Who filed divorce?


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## DownUnder

i agree with all the others who have posted...you need to go to her and tell her how you feel.

gaining her trust back and rebuilding is going to take a LOT of HARD work. It will only work if you BOTH want it and fully committed to your marriage and your family.

I wish you the best...i truly hope you get your family back.

God Bless!


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## Honeystly

You might have a shot, as she is pregnant with your child. Also, that is precisely what makes you such a scumbag. An identical situation has happened to me, except mine left me with a 4 week old and a 2 year old at the time. Cheated on me while pregnant... look it up if you want details... Anyways, I will NEVER take him back. Problems in marriage do not give anybody the green light to go scr*ew somebody else. I assume your other fling didn't work out, so now you want to crawl back. And you don't "own" your children. You're a lousy father simply judging by the fact that you couldn't keep your **** in your pants while your other baby was developing inside your wife. That's what I call giving a s*hit.


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## jh52

Dizzle6985 said:


> while I'm not trying to justify my actions... the choices I make will live with me, and will act like an albatross around my neck... marriage is a two way street. we were on the rocks during the summer. we went to counseling, I slowly started to gain trust back, and it was all looking good. the decision to have another child was not pre meditated, it was accidental. not without saying we both will love our son, it wasn't the best decision coming off of brush with divorce a few months earlier.
> in the end, yes... I am a horrible scumbag pos who doesn't deserve to have 2 beautiful boys... but I do, and the decisions I made, which I feel have merit, are mine. I own them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Also, stop playing the victim. Maybe your marriage wasn't the best for which you are both equally responsible -- but your affair with the OW was 100% your decision.

Saying the pregnancy wasn't planned -- come on. You have unprotected sex -- pregnancy can happen.

I agree you need to have a heart to heart talk with your wife -- but IMO I believe the final decision is with your wife.

You hurt her the worst way possible while she was with your child -- 

I hope you have learned you lesson and mature from this incident -- otherwise if you haven't learn anything -- you will become a serial cheater you read so often about on these boards.

Good luck !!


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## lulubelle

although i am a woman and have children, for some reason i don't have the desire to attack you. i get this gut feeling that each of you screwed up in this relationship long before the ow came into the picture. as a woman, you know how pregnancy happens, it's your body, and birth control pills are readily available. you, obviously should not have any type of physical/emotional relationship with anyone other than your wife, preggo or not.
if you truely want to get your wife back, you need to really pull out all stops. you said ow works with you? be prepared to transfer, get a new job, whatever will make your wife feel secure. also you must become TRANSPARENT. when she calls you answer. when she texts you respond immediately. you give her every password to every email, facebook, forum, credit card account, phone record, ect you have. you let her know where you are at all times. go home directly after work. if you are going to be 3 minutes late, you call her and explain why. you want to grab drinks with the guys, you invite her to come too. this will not be easy, but it will not be forever. go to couples counseling, but put your other issues on the back burner until trust begins to be reestablished. 

i know the only problem wasn't the cheating, and there are other things to work on, but right now it's the biggest. i hope this helps.


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