# toys-still not sure



## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I still am still having trouble getting my wife to not feel selfconscious about using toys. I have discovered from a recent post that many of you women actually find that toys and/or self-delivered Os to be more powerful. This makes allot of sense. 
Some of you women seem quite comfortable with using them including using them during intercourse. I think this is a natural extension to partnered sex. I mean why not use one if it enhanced the experience. I wonder if some of you are younger. I mean when my wife was growing up the only place to buy sex toys were porn shops that were hardly female friendly. I seem to recall seeing them in a magazine years ago disquized as a neck massager. Only lately have these devises been proudly referenced in movies or sold in more legitimate establishments….ok again I get longwinded.
My point is what can I do or say to get her to be more comfortable with this matter.


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

A lot of women are uncomfortable with taking their sexuality "into their own hands" so to speak. We are raised with the idea that boys/men will want us to do things and we "give in" to the extent that we like or love him. With this in mind, my suggestion would be to sneak toys in as an extension of intercourse with her husband. I'd suggest maybe getting an all-purpose vibrating massager, starting with her back or feet or legs and working your way up to more private areas as part of foreplay. Alternately, you can use a vibrating c0ck ring during intercourse. Or, if she's comfortable with it, tie her up with some scarves, blindfold her, and introduce the toy that way. A lot of women will be more comfortable being submissive to their husbands in scenarios like this, than in outright exploring on their own.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

My wife and I are both almost 50. About 10 years ago, I tried to surreptitiously introduce a vibrator while we were having sex. She freaked out, and told me to get rid of it immediately, she didn't want it in the house.

Fast forward to recently. We had gone through a few months of weekly marriage counseling and sex therapy (we worked with a female MC who has credentials in sex therapy). In one of my wife's individual sessions, the MC suggested that toys are OK, they can be fun, millions of them sold every year, etc. She basically gave my wife permission to enjoy herself and enjoy toys if she wants to.

So one day on the way home from an appointment, I stopped at a sex shop, and explained to the female clerk that I was looking for a vibrator for a newbie, and that I wanted one that would be versatile. She sold me a Hustler vibrator that was about 8" long, had 5 or 6 speed/vibration settings, and had a somewhat asymmetrical tip for G-spot stimulation.

I put it under the pillow and broke it out one night, and asked her to use it on me. After telling her how good it felt on me, she was curious about how it would feel on her. Now we use it all the time, she uses it on her clit while I penetrate her, and sometimes I will penetrate her with it while I work her clit with my tongue, which she really loves.

I would go and buy one, and ask her to use it on you first. Tell her how much you enjoy it, and see if she would let you use it on her. If nothing else, she might try to use it on herself when you are not there, that's cool too, as long as she will include you in future "play dates".


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

tjohnson said:


> I still am still having trouble getting my wife to not feel selfconscious about using toys. I have discovered from a recent post that many of you women actually find that toys and/or self-delivered Os to be more powerful. This makes allot of sense.
> Some of you women seem quite comfortable with using them including using them during intercourse. I think this is a natural extension to partnered sex. I mean why not use one if it enhanced the experience. I wonder if some of you are younger. I mean when my wife was growing up the only place to buy sex toys were porn shops that were hardly female friendly. I seem to recall seeing them in a magazine years ago disquized as a neck massager. Only lately have these devises been proudly referenced in movies or sold in more legitimate establishments….ok again I get longwinded.
> My point is what can I do or say to get her to be more comfortable with this matter.


It might help to know what specifically she is saying about it, and what you have said to her about it???? 
I know initially I was not sure about the idea, but one day my dh pulled it out and played around with me with it... after that it was on. But for me to take it out on my own and use it just for him to watch, that is not my style... we play together. Also after that first time it opened me up to how I could use it on him (not penetration) and how we could use it for certain positions so that I could still get clit stim. and he could get his favorite deep penetration positions.... found that info in some books. But each woman is different and your approach will make all the difference. When my husband first did it, it wasn't with my toy, it was with a vibrating massager, he massaged my back, and then gradually worked his way to other places, grazing them.... then a couple days later he brought out the toy and I was like wth? He said, just lay down and relax I want to try something, I promise it wont be anything you are not cool with. I was like ok.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

My wife had similar views and we started off slow. At first it was just a simple nondescript back massage I used on her back. After a few times I used it on her legs, but never touching her directly down there. Then one time I finally touched her gently with it. At first she was embarrassed but I told her it was ok, and to enjoy herself. So she did. I can't remember if she O'd from it then but I know we ML after that pretty good. After a few months of that I bought a real vibe from Fun Factory that looked like a dolphin. Again, she was embarrassed to use it but I encouraged her and she enjoyed it, even when I wasn't home  That broke after a few months so I got her another one from Fun Factory, that too broke after a year(never buying another Fun Factory vibe again), but not before she had a chance to enjoy it multiple times. What awesome memories those are for me. I got her the Hitachi Magic Wand on our 10 year anniversary trip. She was having serious issues due to depression meds so this really helped her. Now she is addicted to the thing and won't do any kind of intimacy without it. I'm glad she's enjoying it but would be nice if we could just make love occasionally without this big honking thing between us. I'll take what I can get though.

I've read elsewhere a bullet style vibe is a good starter one. It doesn't look like someone else's penis, in case she has issues with that, my DW does. 

Be encouraging and let her know it turns you on to know she is enjoying sex. Do'nt be pushy, just encouraging. It took us almost a year until my DW was comfortable using vibrating devices in bed. She still won't MB without me there, which is a shame but the Magic Wand is a requirement now. YMMV.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

I did something similar as committed guy. I actually got a personal massager (looks something like a hamburger with octopus tentacles. I brought it out to massage her back occasionally, left it in our private bathroom so she could see it often. And then one night I used it on her during sex. She called it "mind-altering." So I purchased a small, discreet vibrator that we're using currently. She's still not comfortable enough to use it on herself, but she loves me to use it on her.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Get one and during sex share a fantasy about using it on her. See if she's receptive to the idea when it's not so abstract. If she's willing, use it on her. Look passionately into her eyes while doing so. She will want it again.

Check out "toys in babeland" online shop. They're products are designed with women in mind and they're less creepy and more enticing than the porn shop selections because of the way they celebrate pleasure for women that isn't just expressed for the happiness of a man in her life.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I suggest you find her you and then call her in saying you need some help. Then ask her what the toy is? Then tell her you need to try it out? Take the initiative. 

My Husband did that for me and boy, he didn't hit the right spots like I do it on myself, but it felt really good!! He used it for about 5-10 minutes on me and then said it was time for the real thing. 

Now if your wife has never used any toys....I suggest you go shopping for her and get her 1. My husband first got me a toy at Xmas time. He wrapped it so much that I almost gave up and told him there was nothing in there. He's also wrapped then up and put them in my stocking.

Ironically he won't go in a adult store with me. I've asked him several times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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