# Husband can't "last" long.....low endurance issues



## Muse (Aug 10, 2010)

Not sure if this will help out marriage since it's already on the brink.....but thought I'd give it a shot. 

My husband rarely lasts more than a few minutes during sex before he climaxes. He claims he just gets too turned on by me and can't help it. 99% of the time I'm left having to "finish" by myself and it has caused a lot of problems in our marriage.

We've tried a few different things like having sex A LOT in order to build up his endurance and even used condoms (we don't need them) in order to dull the senses. Nothing works. 

Do any of you have any suggestions on how to overcome this issue?


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## lovemywife4life520 (Jun 21, 2010)

Have you tried making him climax before you guys have sex? A lot of the time an issue like this is based on something psychological and can be mediated by talking to a sexual health psychologist.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I think the solution is very simple - he needs to take care of you before himself - oral or manual.

To me, that IS almost making love - man pleases woman. . man takes woman. 58.5 minutes of foreplay. . .1.5 minutes of intercourse.

(I'm exagerrating to make a point)

If you can't achieve the Big O with that, him on the bottom can help. . .it's hard for me to climax that way when the woman is setting the motion and rocking vs. thrusting. But the converse side of that is it may be difficult for him to maintain an erection for very long too.

It's like with sex. . .you are either moving forward towards climax or moving backwards towards deflation.

So. . .there is a converse side of this too - can we get him to last longer but also. . .can we get *you *to speed up?

Tantric sex practices may help you both too - I would explore that in that it does focus on techniques on getting the male to last longer.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Scannerguard said:


> I think the solution is very simple - he needs to take care of you before himself - oral or manual.


:iagree:


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Many doctors prescribe a low dose of an SSRI antidepressant to inhibit ejaculation in men with P.E. Slowling ejaculation is a side effect of this medication. If he is not depressed he will feel no effects other than lasting longer while having sex.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

OK - couple of questions first (and from your opening statement, it may not be encouraging..)
Does he want to help the situation? 
Does he want to be able to last longer?
Does it matter to him that you see this as a problem?
Are you willing to try things with him to help (assuming the answer is 'yes' to the above)

Because if he doesn't want to fix it or deosn't see it as a problem - or if you aren't willing to help and be patient (and non-judgemental) then it's unlikely to work.

Ok, so assuming all the above is 'yes'...

Being anxious about the situation will likely make things worse for him, so a relaxed attitude from you would probably help. You might have to swallow your desires for a bit to take the pressure off him - perhaps bring yourself to orgasm before penetration even, so he doesn't feel that pressure to last as long as you take. This might help him to be calmer about it.

Secondly, there are exercises he can do (or you can do with him) which can help - masturbate him near to the point of ejaculation (he shoudl be able to tell when it's close, but not too late) and then using two finger and a thumb, he can squeeze the end of the penis (thumb on the frenulum, one finger opposite below the sulcus, one just above the corona) - quite firmly. This should make the urge subside. WHen it has receeded substantially, repeat the process. This can be done quite a few times - and it should condition his body to get used to not ejaculating immediately. 

I don't find that condoms help dull sensitivty, since putting them on (the rolling down) can be stimulating all by itself.
Once you've spent some weeks practicing the above, you can do similar, except with intercourse. Penetrate, as normal, until approaching orgasm (and this point should be very familiar by then) - then either pause, if that level of control has been achieved, or withdraw and apply the squeeze as before.

Over time, his ability to control should extend significantly. But it does take time - and patience, from both of you.

As has been said above, having him ejaculate, before you start having sex in earnest, can help - but it can also condition the body to expect to ejaculate quickly, which is not what you want. So I would suggest using the squeeze technique to prolong the masturbation-foreplay aspect (hopefully you can enjoy and be involved in this bit - perhaps using your hands, or fellatio as the stimulation) to have him last a while, then ejaculate. And then you can proceed - perhaps having you masturbate yourself, to take the pressure off him, but have him involved, so he becomes aroused again, and then you can finish together, in time.

Love and patience are required in large doses for this. But it can work, and can lead to a mucher deeper intimate relationship and some fantastic sex.

Good luck.


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## Dave321 (Aug 4, 2010)

I am glad to see you are trying to work at this.Is he cut or has foreskin?Is the head real touchy?If this is part ,then you and him sit down and you rub the head.After many times of this he will lose that but it will take time.And think what fun you will have.They make gel's for this to.You can take control of this in a great way.What was posted before also works to.Many thing can be done,you two half to get over the madness that can happen in this.You both half to talk truthfully about this.So many things can be done about this.Time thats all.This to will pass.It take two:smthumbup:.To Love him is to love yourself and understand, and for him to.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

When you say you have tried to fix it by having sex a lot, what does "a lot" mean?

if it is a couple of times a week, that won't help. maybe 5+ times would help.

Does he masturbate at all? Most guys are 'trained" to orgasm as fast as possible when masturbating... we've got other things to do so we can't waste a lot of time.

I agree with having him ejaculate early in the sex session (BJ, hand job), then slowly get back into foreplay and have him try again.


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## MarriageWisdom_ Seeker (Dec 24, 2009)

TRY DAMIANA.... RESEARCH IT FIRST, IT WORKS!:smthumbup:


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## Muse (Aug 10, 2010)

Thanks for all the advice! I like the idea of having him ejaculate before intercourse. My only question about that would be, doesn't he get "limp" afterwards? How would that help in intercourse? 

I like the idea of having him pleasure me BEFORE we get to him. It would be nice to have him care that much about me. I think he's just so used to how things are that he maybe assumes that i'm "ok" with it. I'm not. 

We have been married for almost 20 years....married at 19 yrs. old , and I didn't even know what an orgasm was (for a woman that is...) until I was 32 years old! I used to resent him for that. I didn't even know what a "clitoris' was or that I had one for that matter until I decided to go online and research orgasms for women. When I told him about it, he said he had always known about the "clit" and what it does for a woman, but never played with mine because I would always tell him it tickled to much. So he avoided it. He just never knew that I wasn't orgasming since I appeared to be getting pleasured sufficiently. Sounds crazy to me now....can't believe I wasted so many years not knowing. When I did find out, we had sex A LOT .....and when I say A LOT ....it was like twice a day. It did build up his resistance, but it also became boring for him. My body was in sexual overdrive, and he was completely over it by that time. So anyways, it's been six years since I discovered orgasming.....and I'm finally getting used to it. But still, I've never orgasmed with him inside me....during intercourse. It's always something I have to do either by myself, or with him lying beside me while I masturbate. I think I would be able to orgasm with him inside me...IF....he could just last longer. 

Just curious if that is normal for other couples. Since I have no experience with anyone except my husband, I'm not sure if other couples have this issue too?


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

Muse said:


> Thanks for all the advice! I like the idea of having him ejaculate before intercourse. My only question about that would be, doesn't he get "limp" afterwards? How would that help in intercourse?


He can get limp - will, almost certainly - but if you can keep him 'on the boil' as it were, he will get hard again (might not be as hard initially) - but there will be less urgency second time.
He may also feel quite tired - don't try this trick late at night - he will probably be too tired to go for another round!

Do bear in mind the concern I mentioned above about not making him ejaculate too quickly first time round, as that wil only re-enforce his conditioning, and may be counter-productive.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Viagra or similar will help with his refractory period to keep blood flowing to the area so he doesn't go limp. Talking to his doctor will probably be helpful also.

One of the members here has a website with articles on premature ejaculation and semen retention. These will only work if he is willing to work at it.

Also if he is willing, there are websites, videos, books, etc. to teach him how to perform oral sex so it doesn't tickle you.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

And by the way, many women don't orgasm via intercourse so even if you solve this problem, you may not reach the "promised land", but the journey will be more enjoyable.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Muse said:


> Just curious if that is normal for other couples. Since I have no experience with anyone except my husband, I'm not sure if other couples have this issue too?


Premature Ejaculation is the #1 male sexual dysfunction after E.D. It is very common especially in younger men and is also the one male sexual dysfunction that is fairly easy to fix. It is caused by anxiety.

Google: premature ejaculation SSRI


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## Mom2Two (Aug 19, 2010)

My husband has the same problem. We've tried things like a lot of sex, and having him climax before we have sex. Doesn't work. We saw this gel at one of the sex stores here in town, it's pretty much like a numbing cream. We are going to give it a try. Have you tried anything like that before?


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## omar77 (May 10, 2010)

don't we all have problems


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Mom2Two said:


> My husband has the same problem. We've tried things like a lot of sex, and having him climax before we have sex. Doesn't work. We saw this gel at one of the sex stores here in town, it's pretty much like a numbing cream. We are going to give it a try. Have you tried anything like that before?


I have tried it with strange results. Applied it and started having intercourse with my wife. After a while, I went down on her and shortly after, I couldn't feel my lips. My wife couldn't understand a thing I was saying.

Bottom line is that it worked better on my mouth than it did on my penis.

Have you tried condoms? Maybe just for a while then he can take it off when he wants to finish.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> I have tried it with strange results. Applied it and started having intercourse with my wife. After a while, I went down on her and shortly after, I couldn't feel my lips. My wife couldn't understand a thing I was saying.
> 
> Bottom line is that it worked better on my mouth than it did on my penis.


LOL, you've peaked my interest now into trying this with the wife....


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

if i can orgasm before intercourse, and my wife can keep me interested, i can literally go indefinately until i cum again


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Muse, It is normal for a man to reach orgasm in 2 minutes. It is normal for a woman to need clitoral stimulation from oral or manual touch, and to not climax during intercourse. I have been having orgasms for over 30 years, and I have never had an orgasm from intercourse. I researched this a lot, and all the sex research shows I am normal. I also never found a G Spot. I recently learned that the clitoris has tissue running all through the vagina and vulva area, and that is why we enjoy intercourse so much.
My husband and I are used to him having an orgasm first, and then he masturbates me. My idea now is for me to have an orgasm first, so he is still excited when I do, instead of falling asleep. I just got my sex drive from 0 to overdrive after stopping some prescription medication that killed my sex drive for years.
My friend says he and his girlfriend use Cialis and they have the best sex for hours. After he ejaculates he stays hard (as a piece of wood he says), and he can keep going and she loves it. Sometimes he gives her half of a pill and it enhances her pleasure.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> I think the solution is very simple - he needs to take care of you before himself - oral or manual.
> 
> To me, that IS almost making love - man pleases woman. . man takes woman. 58.5 minutes of foreplay. . .1.5 minutes of intercourse.
> 
> ...


I'm not one of those guys her on top I have the least control hands down!!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I agree with letting him ejaculate first. If he gets that turned on, he'll be back up to the plate in a few minutes and would almost certainly last substantially longer the second time.


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## gooolist (Aug 29, 2010)

I would recommend *Kegels* exercise for him. I used to last like 1-2 minutes in bed it was frustrating as I knew for sure it takes 5 minutes for wife to just warm up. I have been trying Kegels since last 2 months I can say I have delayed by 3-4 minutes.  I know people who do several kinds of exercises yoga meditation and so on to help them last longer . There is a yoga exercise to help improve performance in bed.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

After he ejaculates, he is tired. I've never seen my guy get aroused again while he stimulated me with his fingers afterward. Oh, once exception, and that was when we had sex, and when I wanted him to take care of me, he said he had to get to the hardware store before they closed, so I made him promise to come back to bed when he returned. A few hours later, he kept his promise and got all turned on again and we had intercourse again. But, that was a few hours between ejaculation and erection. I don't think he could get an erection again right away, could he?

Are you double-erection guys in your 30's or something?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband comes very fast, too. If he gets on top of me, fxxking plus my moaning, two or five minutes, for sure. We have been together for seven years, he is still the same. This doesn't bother me, because I always get on top of him and achieve my orgasm first. Our sex is like this: He licks me.........I become horny..............he gets hard...........he comes on top of me................after a few minutes of thrusts..................he says...........fxxk, I can't control it anymore...............I quickly get on top of him..............rock him, fxxk him, wiggle wiggle wiggle...............after a minute or two, I come...............then my husband quickly climb on top of me, ride me, fxxk me, shoots me all over...............Oh, what fun we have..................total ten minutes maybe.

I don't feel bad that my husband can't last long. As long as his toy is big and hard.


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## BradLead (Apr 18, 2012)

Every man is born with premature ejaculation, so having it is perfectly normal to start with. Controlling ejaculation is something you have to learn just as you had to learn to control your bladder as a child. We get taught to control our bladders but no one teaches us how to control ejaculation.

The American Academy of Family Physicians confirms that: Behavioral methods are helpful for more than 95 percent of men who have premature ejaculation. So, if you have tried exercises and they have not helped it is because they have not been explained properly to you. Many of the treatment programs offered online have not been written by professionals.
Do not waste time or money on sprays, vitamins, herbs, dietary supplements or drugs. This is a learning problem and these things will not help you learn to control ejaculation any more than they can help you to learn to speak another language.

There are a lot of high-priced programs advertised online but all you need is an inexpensive little book written by a doctor and sex therapist that has been used successfully around the world for more than 32 years.

It is called "Lasting Longer: The Treatment Program for Premature Ejaculation" by Dr. Sy Silverberg M.D.

For free preview chapters from the book visit the website.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

Reloading is pretty much a matter of attitude with the couple as far as I know. The textbook probably says 15 to 30 minutes to get things revved up again and I probably would say that is my experience. The woman will probably have to be an equal partner and bring on the A game and take him to his favorite place. Most women might be surprised by this as my wife was but its mostly just commitment to each other and exploring new things. I do know for sure that adding a second round has the potential to bring the couple to new places.

As to the orgasm issue, you husband is way overdue in sharing a courtesy reach around from behind so you can go together.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Yeah, he totally sounds selfish. My ex-husband couldn't last long, like 5-10 min tops, and that's with stopping when he got close. But he made sure I had a clitoral orgasm first, and then made sure I had a g-spot orgasm before he ejaculated. And at that point, he was done. There was no more erection, lol. And if there were, it couldn't do anything, it was half-hearted. Sex twice a day was out of the question, as well. I have a much higher drive and am poly-orgasmic, but I was satisfied (I thought). 

Fast forward to the man I'm with now and W-O-W. We're in our thirties, and he can get and sustain an erection for awhile. To the point where I'm having multiple orgasms and I tire before he does. It's definitely harder to get him to cum than it is me, but we eventually do most of the time. And he can go several times a day. It's a blessing. We're perfectly matched in that department, that's for sure. I thought I knew what sexual compatibility was, but I didn't until now. 

I think different men just have different tolerances, but there HAS to be things they can change if they want to. If he isn't interested in making things better, though, I'd just help yourself and make him wait. Hitachi Magic Wand is magical!


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## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

As a man, here's my advice. I don't have a P.E. problem but there are times I do want to last longer. Almost all guys do. It's a plain fact that men come earlier than women. If we are in a "rush" i'll just go at it but if I want to ensure my wife gets full pleasure I make sure to spend lots of time on foreplay, to the point where she is asking, demanding me to f*** her (which is hot). Then I start doing so. When I feel like i'm getting close to coming I just stop for a half min, and slowly, very slowly thrust. This keeps us in the mood, often is very pleasurable to her (the change in pace), and keeps me from coming. I then slowly increase the pace, or alternate between fast and slow and medium etc. The result is that i've began to learn to control when I come. It takes some discipline (slowing down when about to come for example) but the payoff is huge. It builds it up for better orgasms as well as I can time my release for during while she is having her orgasm. Alternatively, or in addition, when he feels he's going to come, instead of slowing down he can just hand or orally pleasure you for a few minutes, then go to slow thrusts etc.......you should get him to read this btw
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

There is some pretty good info on this tread, but here's my advice...

Breath, breathing deeply in combination with the stopping technique or the squeezing technique helps keep the ejaculation in. tell your husband to take deep breaths while he stops. The breathing helps slow down the heart which slows down the blood. 

I was married to my wife at 19. We had sex a lot, twice a day usually and I always thought she was orgasming with me. She said she was, but one day a few months into our marriage she said she was faking. I was heart broken. Here I thought I was sexually fulfilling her (because that's what she told me) and wasn't at all. 

Now I lasted maybe 2 min or so. And she was so beautiful I didn't know how to stop myself. I told her I never wanted her to fake again because she's robbing herself, if I know she needs more stimulation, I'd do what ever I had to do to provide it. This lead me to find ways to last longer.

I looked into it and started doing kegals a lot and I would try mastubating without orgsaming, just enjoying the sensations without the orgasm. I think growing boys learn to climax quickly, so I just tried to unlearn that. And the stoping technique works well. Tell your husband to stop stimulation well before orgasm, and squeeze (Like he is stopping himself from peeing) his kegal muscle while taking a very deep breath. And I think relaxing and not trying too hard, just relaxing the mind and enjoying the sensations fully. Like eating, when you want to really taste something you go slow, savouring the flavours.

Also how long does he last with manual stimulation or oral? Does he cum quick no matter what you're doing to him or is it only penetration, because that could mean it's all mental. Well orgasms are mostly mental anyway so... Juast tell him to relax. Stimulate him then stop, have him squeeze and breathe, then repeat. And tell him not to beat himself up, as long as he keeps trying he'll learn. We learn to hold our urine.

As for me, now I can last for a while, we sometimes seem to be at the opposite side of things to the point where sometimes she gets sad thinking, I'm not turned on by her because I'm taking too long. I tell her she's crazy that I can cum quickly but I'm holding it back because I love the sensation of sex with her. The one thing that usually gets me is her orgasms. If were going, I can last, once she starts cumming when I'm inside her, I lose it. Sometimes I tell her to stop but don't like to interupt her....sometimes she wants to make me cum fast, but I feel so much better now that I can control my orgasm. 

But I've gone from a minute man, to a hunny can you give me a minute I need a break man.:smthumbup:

Hope this helps. Oh and it took time. But my wife loved to effort to making her happy. I remember the first time we simulataneouly orgasmed, we went out to dinner and celebrated.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

One thing that works for me when I want to prolong sex is I don't go inside her all the way. I will pull out and tease her opening, and only go in about an inch or three. Just enough to stimulate her g spot. I also use my fingers to give her plenty of g spot action prior to entering her. We enjoy lots of fantasy during sex so I'll give her a situation and talk her through what is happening in the fantasy. This does a couple things; it lubricates the sex organ in her head, and it distracts me a bit which prevents me from cumming too quickly. When she finally climaxes I push in to the hilt and go for broke. This is just the stimulation she wants while she is enjoying her orgasm. If I just jump on her and pump away, yeah, I'll last like 2 minutes on a good day.


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

Oh I forgot, there is this other thing I learned and it seemed helpful. 

When I was holding back my orgasm, using my kegal muscles I sometimes would clench my fist, bite down and tense the muscles in my arms. It's not a pretty way of holding back but it seemed effective if I was REALLY close to loosing it. I'd bite down and flex my arms while squeezing my fist and kegal muscle. And flex and release, flex and release.

One thing though is that when I first started trying to gain control, I would be able to stop, but as soon as I started I'd have to stop again. Then start and stop and so on. It's the breathing that really helped me to slow down. 

I replied in a similar thread that I was so focused on the go it became a race. Now I enjoy the stroll. That's the important part. in my opinion.


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## lovinmyhubby223 (Jan 31, 2012)

My hubby and I started having the same problem about a year and a half ago. We tried several things to no avail. After many discussions he went to see his doctor and was told that his testosterone level was low and suggested he try Viagra which we did and it helped. 

Have your husband make an appt to see his doctor just to rule out and medical problems that could be causing the “quickies”. We never even thought about testosterone levels or some of the other things the dr. mentioned and might have never known if my hubby hadn’t seen his dr.


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

There is a natural supplement called Endurnz you can try.


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