# delayed ejaculation. Gunna have to dig into this more.



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I have posted before on this but seems I might need to dig into this before it becomes a big issue for my new flame. I am about 10mo out of an LTR of 12yrs. Been with my new flame for 2mo or so. 

I have some concerns that either the sensations, her body, or my brain is not getting things done. I done have much problem rising to the challenge but ejaculation is a bit of an issue right now. 

We have discussed that I do drink in the evenings a bit and apparently somewhat of an issue. However, to be honest, that is not the whole issue and I know this. She is very smooth inside and I seem to need a little "texture". We did have some quick action last Sunday standing up and I had no problem at all! However, I am just not consistent. I am now building up issues in my head that are probably making it worse. 

I know I can discuss the issues with her but how do you say "you feel too smooth"??? Not like she can do anything about it! Her bod is very tuned up! Rock hard abs, legs so smooth and toned that they feel like plastic. Her boobs are smaller and I do like boobs!! Hers are firm and very nice but.... If I nad to select someone purely for sex, I would usually go for something with softer features, softer skin, bigger boobs, etc. Hard to explain but I am sure everyone knows how chem works looking at certain people and saying "yep, I would have some fun there". 

We are such a great match in every other way and I am not going to bale just because of this one issue but it is something I need to address. 

So... rather than beating this drinking thing up, I would like to learn what I CAN do to improve the situation? I know "clearing my head" will come up but that is much easier said than done. 

All I have to lean on is sex with my ex, in which I was usually trying to hold back from going to quick. That does NOT mean I need to get back with my ex or desire that. I think this is purely a sensation thing. I want to fix this with my new flame. She is willing to do anything I desire and I would be hard pressed to find anything actually wrong with her! So confusing for me right now. 

I would almost say my male part seems numb and just not feeling like it should. I don't want the sexual part of this relationship to drive things. Everything else works so well! 

I do know that sometimes I get really close and then so goes and changes her movements and it throws me. I hate to start acting selfish but at a loss to figure this all out.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Stop drinking, completely. If you can't then you have a problem. Are you masterbating at all? If so stop, that can wreak havoc on your sensitivity. Try going longer between sessions.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

sprinkle sand into your condom


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Oh and if your drinking is "somewhat of an issue" now it will only become more of an issue as the relationship progesses.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I don't remember, are you the guy who was having problems because of having to go back to using a condom?


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

No condoms here. She is on the pill.

Yes, I do masterbate and may sort of become a problem. My ex did not take care of me when I needed so I got used to doing things myself despite telling her I needed more and her doing nothing about it. 

My new flame probably wants sex more than I do! Problem is I cannot see her every single day. I will admit that after a long night of humping with a no-go, I would normally relieve things myself the next day or something. Probably not a real great plan so I am going to have to change a few things I think. I read that this self help may be really hurting things.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Sbrown said:


> Stop drinking, completely. If you can't then you have a problem. Are you masterbating at all? If so stop, that can wreak havoc on your sensitivity. Try going longer between sessions.


:iagree:

Stop drinking, stop masturbating.

Maybe take a sexual break for a little bit, until your sensitively returns. It will.

Don't blame her for being "too smooth" and please don't tell her that!

ETA: Just seen your other post where you mentioned drinking 6-8 beers an evening... Uh yeah. That's the problem.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Thanks curious, I am glad I asked! I don't want her to become self conscious over something that is probably me, not her! I do know that, despite her not mentioning it, she has concern with my level of "interest" in her due to this issue. She is extremely interested in making me happy and would do anything. Something I am not used to.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

bobsmith said:


> I do know that sometimes I get really close and then so goes and changes her movements and it throws me. I hate to start acting selfish but at a loss to figure this all out.


I think that this may be what it's all about. I know that when I'm receiving oral (or giving for that matter), it's very important not to change things up at the last minute when you're almost there. I know that when giving and it's talking longer than usual I'm always torn between "well, that's not working, time to try something else" and "what if she's almost there and I screw it up by changing". The key is communication.

I'd try to communicate better that "you're almost there" and then she'll know not to change things up. You had 12 years with the ex, so she probably knew your body. Your new flame doesn't know it nearly as well..


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

ask her to do kegels during intercourse


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> ask her to do kegels during intercourse


Ummmm, jeez, I think she already does that and can clamp down so tight it almost hurts!! When I say tuned up, you would not know by looking at her but she puts me on her back and does squats just for fun!! No, I am not a weakling, nearly 200lbs and athletic. She is just very tuned. 

Actually some of this might be an issue. She can be hard to control in bed. When she wants to move, she does. She will wrap her legs around me and squeeze. I swear one day she will break a rib!! Actually, some of this is sort of a turn off. I realize we see all sorts of stuff in porn but some ain't all that when actually doing it. 

I usually have claw marks on my back and hickies on my arms from her "aggressive passion".


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Buddy400 said:


> I think that this may be what it's all about. I know that when I'm receiving oral (or giving for that matter), it's very important not to change things up at the last minute when you're almost there. I know that when giving and it's talking longer than usual I'm always torn between "well, that's not working, time to try something else" and "what if she's almost there and I screw it up by changing". The key is communication.
> 
> I'd try to communicate better that "you're almost there" and then she'll know not to change things up. You had 12 years with the ex, so she probably knew your body. Your new flame doesn't know it nearly as well..


We communicate VERY well about everything else. I think I might need to figure out how to talk about a few things here. She will ask in the middle of sex "what do you want". She honestly wants to know how to please me but it sort of kills to mood for me. I honestly don't "know" what I want most of the time. I know I enjoy working on her as long as I can but I get to a point of numbness that probably nothing would do it after 1hr of hard work.


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## zanzan (Mar 24, 2012)

Do you watch a lot of porn? I bet you do.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I got into a phase of that when on bad terms with my ex. I still do occasionally but not like I view hours of it. Probably did more when I was single. 

Probably need to learn more about that. I do know I probably learned a few things though! My new flame seems to be in constant amazement and judging by how she soaks the sheets, I would say she ain't lying!


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## zanzan (Mar 24, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> I got into a phase of that when on bad terms with my ex. I still do occasionally but not like I view hours of it. Probably did more when I was single.
> 
> Probably need to learn more about that. I do know I probably learned a few things though! My new flame seems to be in constant amazement and judging by how she soaks the sheets, I would say she ain't lying!


Ever hear of penis exercises? If you are having issues with texture it is a problem with you not with her, I bet she can make the next guy cum no problems. Look into penis exercises, like jelquing and so on. You will improve your penis sensitivity drastically and also get much better erections which also will help you get off.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

zanzan said:


> Ever hear of penis exercises?


if you get good enough you can enter the penis olympics


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I looked into it but my god, I don't have an hour/day to devote to stroking it! Especially since it seems it would take weeks/months to get improvement! Or maybe I should look into it more?


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## zanzan (Mar 24, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> if you get good enough you can enter the penis olympics


Ever tried them? Try them before you knock them, that is why there are men in their 60s and 70s out performing guys half their age. :lol:


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## zanzan (Mar 24, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> I looked into it but my god, I don't have an hour/day to devote to stroking it! Especially since it seems it would take weeks/months to get improvement! Or maybe I should look into it more?


Not an hour, about 15 minutes tops. I am 50, I do it 3 times a week and I am better now than I was when I was 25.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

don't knock the penis olympics, altho last year's winner was a real d!ck!


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Direct me to which exercises you are using. Couldn't hurt! How long before you see any differences?


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## zanzan (Mar 24, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> Direct me to which exercises you are using. Couldn't hurt! How long before you see any differences?


Go to a site called betterman.com I went there 3 years ago when I started noticing changes in my erections I learned a lot. Don't buy any of the programs or the gadgets, just use your hands and the hot towel technics. This is not about size for me as I am very satisfied with mine but the exercises help for better blood flow and greater sensitivity, it is very common as we get older to start having delayed ejaculations. Read the articles you got nothing to lose. Most men go for the blue pill as we are a pharma brain washed society but you can improve everything sexually without taking anything.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I will admit that I am looking at some of these herbal supplements because I think if I can "get over the hump", we will be fine. I just need to have that confidence of finishing for a while. 

I kept reading about ED, bla, bla. I wake with morning wood nearly every day and all my flame has to do is rub against me and we all good! I have a lot of stress but this is just adding to it rather than helping vent it!

However, I think there is a huge scam in herbs lately. Might actually be something out there that will help but hard to sift through all the BS!!! I would not mind attacking from several angles to fix this.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> if you get good enough you can enter the penis olympics


only after making the national trials and finishing top three in your event.


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