# Ask ladies. Can you be self-acceptance of body and self-conscious at the same time?



## 2015StayAtHomeWife (Dec 9, 2021)

Sorry for my English, both me and my husband are not westerners/Americans.

I was wondering if you can help give some input/advice on this. My question is can you be self-acceptance of your body, but then be self-conscious at the same time? How to loosen up the self conscious part?

Throughout the 7 years of our marriage, my husband always initiate the two of us shower together, as much as we can whenever we can (for the emotional connection). We both are not fans of shower sex as we don't like the water pouring down on us. So it has nothing related to sex.
My husband said he deeply emotionally attached to me, he said he wants to feel close to me emotionally. And I'm trying to give him that connection he wants.

There nothing pretty about my body naked, sagging boobs, stretch marks all over my belly, nothing pretty about my vagina neither.
There times where months when my legs, feet and calves were HUGELY swollen. My husband kneel down and gently rubs my swollen feet and calves in the shower. He helps cleans me, he kissed my belly where it full of stretch marks and somewhat loose wrinkle skin. (and I'm self conscious).

He wants me to talk to him in the shower, open up to him, tell him what bothering me. There times when we talked, and we both teared up and cried.

My hair have thin so so much, it started massively falling out shortly after I recovered from being sick. He washed my hair so he knows how much hair falling out on his hands. But he still kissed my forehead and the top of my head (and I'm very conscious about my hair).

I always dress low maintenance, I never wear make up. I'm comfortable that way. And I don't hide my hair thinning neither.
And I do remind myself that if my husband don't mind about how my body looks, why do I have to mind?

But my brain is self conscious. It keeps tell me, my husband is 186cm tall and slim, lean muscles, zero fat on his body, just very fit. He does runs long distance and swim long distance, so he very fit. He still look exactly fit like when I met him 11 years ago. But then look at me? I'm nothing like him!

I really have accepted my body as it is, it just my brain is self-conscious about it. Any ladies here experience similar?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

See yourself through his eyes. He clearly adores you.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

He loves you and you are the only naked woman he gets to see so let him have his way.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I certainly understand how you feel, but it doesn't sound like he feels that way. I think you just have to fake it until you make it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Not a lady but I am going to give you a man's point of view. Sounds like your husband thinks your hot, you need to get out of your own head and accept it.

Here is the thing, you can think all you wrote above and still accept that he has a different opinion. So when it comes to sex with him just give the dude what he wants and freak'in enjoy it, revel in it. When things stare happening, instead of thinking about all your issues (which is thinking about yourself) put the focus on him, maybe even perform a little bit. Pretend you are someone else for a while, see if that helps. Get your mind on the moment, make it be about both of your pleasure not what his eyes see. Sex for guys is much much more then our eyesight. Not everyone has the opportunity you do, you guy is into you. 

Now when it comes to posing for magazine covers you can continue to be self conscience.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Sweetheart you should feel like a Queen, he adores you. So many men don’t even look at their women that way. He’s building you up in every way, please cherish and adore this man. And please cherish and adore yourself too. What a beautiful love story, it warmed my heart to read this.


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## 2015StayAtHomeWife (Dec 9, 2021)

Thank you Diana7, Anastasia6, DownBytheRiver, thank you sokillme, Luckylucky.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

2015StayAtHomeWife said:


> Sorry for my English, both me and my husband are not westerners/Americans.
> 
> I was wondering if you can help give some input/advice on this. My question is can you be self-acceptance of your body, but then be self-conscious at the same time? How to loosen up the self conscious part?
> 
> ...


You are seeing your imperfections from an exaggerated point of view.
If your husband is very active in wanting to touch your body, he either doesn't see those perfections or he doesn't see them as significant in any way.


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## 2015StayAtHomeWife (Dec 9, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Sweetheart you should feel like a Queen, he adores you. So many men don’t even look at their women that way. He’s building you up in every way, please cherish and adore this man. And please cherish and adore yourself too. What a beautiful love story, it warmed my heart to read this.


Thank you Luckylucky. Your very nice and sound caring, your husband is one lucky man to have you.

Since you here, I want to ask this, and ask others too.
It is normal?

He been doing it for 7 years. He literally kiss my butt cheek. and it has nothing to do with sex at all. Just randomly thing he does.

Whether it sleep or play on my tablet/phone, whenever he see me lay in bed on my stomach, he went up and put his lips on my butt cheek and kissed it.

When it cold, sometimes I have part of the blanket over cover my butt. If he came in and see me lay on my stomach, he gently move the blanket off and kiss my butt cheek, and put the blanket back on for me. (you see it like he go out of his way to do it).

He never do anything disrespectful to my butt. He never like those bite slap gropes spank stuff (he very vanilla), he said he prefers use his lips. So he just simply put his lips on my butt cheek and kiss it, a gentle slow kiss type.

And he still do it after all these years. Randomly.

Normal? When we married (we was 29 and 30) it okay.
But it 7 years later after tied the knot already, we 36 and 37 now. You know, like we not young anymore for him to keep does those.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

2015StayAtHomeWife said:


> Thank you Luckylucky. Your very nice and sound caring, your husband is one lucky man to have you.
> 
> Since you here, I want to ask this, and ask others too.
> It is normal that my husband still do this after 7 years married? I mean we getting older now, he 36 and I'm 37, lol.
> ...


It sounds like he'll do it for many years.


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## 2015StayAtHomeWife (Dec 9, 2021)

well if a man do that, he must loves and find the woman attractive right? I admit I'm self-conscious about my body, my brain tell me my body is ugly and no way it attractive. But then my HEART tell me he truly loves me.
But then I'm the type of woman that go by my brain way more than my heart.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Always try to look your best for hubby. Tells him you think he is worth the effort.

Women are so self critical...it is sad. My wife is beautiful but she does not see it herself. You need to listen to him and quit being so critical of your self image.

It gets tiring and makes a man sad that their wife feels that way and having to constantly try to lift them up. Dont refute him when he compliments you. Accept the compliment. I finally told my wife to quit rebuffing my compliments...her thoughts are skewed when it comes to herself...i know better. 

Showering together is very good. I think more marriages would be closer if they bathed each other.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

2015StayAtHomeWife said:


> He been doing it for 7 years. He literally kiss my butt cheek. and it has nothing to do with sex at all. Just randomly thing he does.
> 
> So he just simply put his lips on my butt cheek and kiss it, a gentle slow kiss type.
> 
> ...


You are a lucky, lucky woman. Why look for an end to his obvious affection for you? And after only a few years? 

You are both very YOUNG newlyweds if you plan on staying together into old age. I hope he's still kissing and caring for you in this way when he's 80+. 43 years from now... Let him love you.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

2015StayAtHomeWife said:


> well if a man do that, he must loves and find the woman attractive right? I admit I'm self-conscious about my body, my brain tell me my body is ugly and no way it attractive. But then my HEART tell me he truly loves me.
> But then I'm the type of woman that go by my brain way more than my heart.


Don't let your brain be the boss of your husband's brain. He has shown you, in word and deed, exactly how he feels about your body. When someone shows you who they truly are, you should believe them. There is absolutely nothing to gain from feeling bad about yourself here - it won't make your husband desire you more - it can only interfere with your intimacy. So let it go, and congratulations.


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