# Something petty and stupid that annoys me



## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

Hi all,

Great response to the last post, thank you for your insights, humor, suggestions etc... Since I don't want the fun to. end, I thought I would start something new. Normally I wouldn't bring this up, but let's face it...I'm on an anonymous forum here so... whatever goes 

Here is something additional (besides the obvious) that pi$$es me off. When I found out about my H texting his love and need for this 20 year old girl- I basically told him to leave but he didn't put up a fight (just said the I still love you but I'm confused BS) I helped him find an apartment (b/c I wanted him out like yesterday) and I told him I have no desire to be friends when he said we should be like best friends🤮 

Okay- truth time and insight into my thoughts (even if this is petty and ridiculous) I loathe that it felt like he had all of the power. He decided to like and pursue this girl and I was home being a good wife (and now feeling like a chump-- I mean I know he is the jerk but you know...). "They" I guess meaning the experts say that at the breakup- the one being dumped (which although I told him to leave, let's face it, he was "leaving" me based on actions) in the balance of power is the less attractive person at the time (I don't mean physically but in the balance if you know what I mean--that they feel that they have higher stature b/c they are bailing on you) This stupid petty thing really annoys me. Yes, I shouldn't care -but maybe my ego at play. Thank god I didn't beg/plead/reason etc...(I know that is behavior that never works, you can't logic or convince when someone else wants to be with someone different) Not to mention that just lowers your dignity even more. I know living your best life is the best way (and I'm working on it) but for some reason this irks me. I mean I was so shocked and I'm sure I looked like a deer in headlights and destroyed (and that is how I felt). You know how you pity the character on TV that is getting their heart broken and dumped-- like that.

I'm just going to leave it there. Besides, it was time for a new topic.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Hon, he not only does not have all the power....he has very little.

The 20 year old doesn't want his old ass and his wife kicked him out and has made clear she's done and isn't his plan B. "I still love you but I'm confused" means I want you to wait for me while I see if I can **** 20 year old girls or generally do better then you, this way if it doesn't work out for me you'll be waiting.

Or, as you've said, he'll try to **** whatever will have him but will get you to meet his actual adult needs.

You told him to **** right off.

From where I sit I can't see where he has any power at all. He is not going to get better at his age....people start to age more quickly after 50 (some more then others of course). He doesn't have the money to compensate for this.


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## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

lifeistooshort said:


> Hon, he not only does not have all the power....he has very little.
> 
> The 20 year old doesn't want his old ass and his wife kicked him out and has made clear she's done and isn't his plan B. "I still love you but I'm confused" means I want you to wait for me while I see if I can **** 20 year old girls or generally do better then you, this way if it doesn't work out for me you'll be waiting.
> 
> ...


Ohh, thank you . That is a great perspective. I think you can't always see the whole picture when you're in it.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

thissucks7788 said:


> Ohh, thank you . That is a great perspective. I think you can't always see the whole picture when you're in it.


You're welcome! 

I think your problem is that you're conflating your feelings with your actions. You've behaved like a boss....want to sniff elsewhere ************? Then get the **** out.

The feelings have to run their course, but do not mistake grieving for weakness as they are not the same. You're going to grieve the life and guy you thought you had...that's normal. You just don't want to let him know it....that's where he'd get power.


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## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

lifeistooshort said:


> You're welcome!
> 
> I think your problem is that you're conflating your feelings with your actions. You've behaved like a boss....want to sniff elsewhere **? Then get the ** out.
> 
> The feelings have to run their course, but do not mistake grieving for weakness as they are not the same. You're going to grieve the life and guy you thought you had...that's normal. You just don't want to let him know it and....that's where he'd get power.


 yeah no more power for him---I'm ready to put on my good face tomorrow. I have to see him at our tax place--- He said he would come to the house-- I told him that I would meet him there instead. I plan to look great and act cool and confident. I'll be giving myself a pep talk prior.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

My friend and I helped each other through our divorces a few years ago. She's much more passive then me and her ex was a bully.

Amy time she'd have difficulty with the whole thing I'd tell her to look me in the face and say "**** him".

So I'd do this regularly for a while. One day she looked at me and said, completely on her own....."**** him!. I knew then that she'd turned a corner.

They have 3 grown kids and are now on ok if not limited terns. They are both remarried, but I think she's a lot happier then him for a number of reasons. By the way...her ex was a professional power lifter so we know all about the gym guys but he's also a busted up train wreck.

So try that....when you feel down say out loud: "**** him". And keep laughing!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

thissucks7788 said:


> yeah no more power for him---I'm ready to put on my good face tomorrow. I have to see him at our tax place--- He said he would come to the house-- I told him that I would meet him there instead. I plan to look great and act cool and confident. I'll be giving myself a pep talk prior.


The house is off limits. He doesn't live there anymore and has no business being there.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Taking the high road, being classy, being a good wife...those are all signs of strength. Anyone can do what he’s doing - but standing strong and remaining classy, THAT takes strength. You’re not weak, and our culture will paint all kinds of silly narratives but you are strong. It will take time to be “over” him because you have a memory of him that isn’t this.

But, I admire your spirit so much!


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## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> Taking the high road, being classy, being a good wife...those are all signs of strength. Anyone can do what he’s doing - but standing strong and remaining classy, THAT takes strength. You’re not weak, and our culture will paint all kinds of silly narratives but you are strong. It will take time to be “over” him because you have a memory of him that isn’t this.
> 
> But, I admire your spirit so much!


Thank you so much, that makes me feel great!!!xo


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So called experts are often wrong, and certainly are in this case. ,😊


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## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

lifeistooshort said:


> My friend and I helped each other through our divorces a few years ago. She's much more passive then me and her ex was a bully.
> 
> Amy time she'd have difficulty with the whole thing I'd tell her to look me in the face and say "**** him".
> 
> ...


I love that!!! Fortunately, I am not so passive— so…. F*** him!! 😁 (feeling better already)


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

thissucks7788 said:


> I love that!!! Fortunately, I am not so passive— so…. F*** him!! 😁 (feeling better already)


If you want you could add the horse he rode in on to the mix, but it's been pointed out to me that this is unfair to the horse because said horse made no promises 🤣

It's too bad we don't live close....we could have a great time over a drink!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

If you are interested in what I put up with you're welcome to read my story:



https://www.talkaboutmarriage.com/threads/my-story.429561/#post-19702079


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Think about it.

He folded.

The man left for a dream, a twenty year old unicorn.

His mind is in the air, is full of hot air.
His feet are floating.

You are stable, you are level headed.

How can you view him, the stronger party?

He could not deal with normal life and its normal pressures.
He folded and flew the coop.

He flew the coop and will soon land in the poop that is reality.

He had an anxious breakdown.

He folded.

It is a shame that this was his fate, his legacy is now mired.

He left you, not because of you, but because of him.
He could not cut married life, so he cut himself loose.

He folded.

Flippin', flappin', away he went.

So sorry, that you had to witness this disintegration of your marital partner.


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## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

lifeistooshort said:


> If you want you could add the horse he rode in on to the mix, but it's been pointed out to me that this is unfair to the horse because said horse made no promises 🤣
> 
> It's too bad we don't live close....we could have a great time over a drink!


Agreed- I’d love a drink with you!!! I’m also adding a horse to the mix!! Poor horse, lol!! I’d love to read your story, thank you!!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I suspect that life has more adventures in store for you.

Fate may have needed to get rid of him, so that you could partake in this new chapter of your life that is just beginning.

Sometimes we see life as punishing us, rather than steering us to some place else.



_King Brian-_


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## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> I suspect that life has more adventures in store for you.
> 
> Fate may have needed to get rid of him, so that you could partake in this new chapter of your life that is just beginning.
> 
> ...


Thank you!! I hope you’re right.😊


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## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> Think about it.
> 
> He folded.
> 
> ...


Thank you. Again a very interesting perspective, thank you so much for responding!!


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## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

lifeistooshort said:


> If you are interested in what I put up with you're welcome to read my story:
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.talkaboutmarriage.com/threads/my-story.429561/#post-19702079


Thank you for sharing your story-- it was an interesting read. It is comforting to know that I am not alone on this "journey". I also appreciate how everything turned out for you. Confident, happy and new bf that is working out great!! I wish we could have a drink in person-- virtual drink and toast for us! If I ever move-- I'm looking you up!!


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