# Am I wrong?



## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

Got invited by the in laws to what was supposed to be a very small birthday party of immediate family only, no more than 4 other people. I get there are was horrified to see my father in law had invited neighbors, extended family, and work friends. Overall, there were 20 people inside the house in close proximity. I was absolutely enraged that my in laws invited this many people over. As more people started to show, I finally got to my breaking point and told my wife thats it we're leaving. 

We had a huge argument and I was so upset at having that many people in the living room where me and my 11 year old son were. My wife defended her family and made me out to be the bad guy trying to claim i just didnt want to be with them. I told her how unsafe and irresponsible it was being there with people who were mostly complete strangers. No social distancing, everyone trying to shake your hand, all in a relatively small indoor area. 

So now even though she said she finally sees my point, i know shes still pissed and I'm incredibly worried because if anyone there was infected with covid, me and my son are basically screwed. I've tried to be so safe and smart and my father in laws stupidity has put us at a risk I would have never knowingly put my family in. My wife thinks its perfectly acceptable because thats just her good ol' dad being his little social butterfly self. 

I live in a state where our levels are still very high and I'm slightly more at risk of having serious complications with covid. I'm still so furious that my wife, and her parents, could be this dumb and wreckless.

Was I in the wrong here?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Most of the stories you hear about clusters of infections are because of exactly what you experienced -- a "small" party of friends and neighbors becoming larger and larger.
I think that since you and your son are probably in the "target" groups of Covid issues, I agree with what you did.
I do NOT think you are wrong. I think your wife either may NOT see the risk since SHE doesn't have those issues, or she doesn't think Covid is that big of a deal (there are lots out there who don't ).

In any even, I think that she is mad because she wanted a break from the craziness with her family, and you basically told her the King has no clothes.... (BUT she isn't being sensitive to YOUR feelings on this stuff at all...)


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

No you're not wrong at all. I actually wouldn't have gone in. Your wife is a Covidiot.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

I believe that purposely exposing others to a possibly deadly disease is criminal. FIL's ego is bigger than his brain.


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## TomKnight67 (Sep 6, 2020)

It's definitely going to be more difficult to find an equilibrium if you're both not on the same page with how comfortable *you are *with being close to people at the moment.

My mother-in-law is at risk so as a result me and my wife have been a bit more cautious with social occasions that all the rest of our friends. Which has caused some friction between us and them. But it's only worked because we both agree that we should be that way.

You weren't in the wrong. At all. We are in a situation where everyone is comfortable with different levels of interaction, all you need to do is to make sure you and your wife sing off the same hymn sheet and you'll be safe and fine.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I don't think you overreacted and I'm surprised your wife was more concerned with saving face than with her vulnerable family members catching a highly contagious and potentially deadly virus.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It’s just a case of you being worried about something she isn’t as worried about. I don’t want to get into an argument about how dangerous the virus is or isn’t. You’re still stewing over this. Let it go. I agree if you father in law said one thing and did another, you have a right to leave if not even enter... 
But don’t blame it on your wife, let go of the resentment, and go on with your life. She didn’t intend to mistreat you.
Your father in law also didn’t intentionally put you at risk, he probably just messed up and wasn’t thinking. In my opinion, you storming out was a little uncalled for, you should have just told your wife calmly that you weren’t comfortable with the risks of that many people and were leaving.
Maybe that’s what you did, I don’t know.
Either way, it’s in the past. Are you able to move forward with no resentment? Are you still angry? Is your wife (who obviously left when you told her you were leaving) not understanding of your position?
You ask if you’re wrong. No, but I’m wondering if you are harboring resentment over this. Talk to your wife and explain your perspective and see if you can get some closure. Don’t hang on to negative feelings.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I also wouldn't have even gone in. You and your wife have completely conflicting views on this, and her attitude towards you sucks.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, you weren’t in the wrong. While some of us who are high risk have had an easy time of it (no worse than a very mild cold for me) many others in my same risk group have died (including someone I know) or had serious complications. I was one of the lucky ones but I just as easily might not have been. You never know how you will be affected until you have it. I would have been extremely angry at both of them — him for being exceptionally stupid and her for continuing to defend him. But it’s done and over (and hopefully everyone‘s okay) so now’s the time to plan for dealing with something like this in the future.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

hawx20 said:


> Got invited by the in laws to what was supposed to be a very small birthday party of immediate family only, no more than 4 other people. I get there are was horrified to see my father in law had invited neighbors, extended family, and work friends. Overall, there were 20 people inside the house in close proximity. I was absolutely enraged that my in laws invited this many people over. As more people started to show, I finally got to my breaking point and told my wife thats it we're leaving.
> 
> We had a huge argument and I was so upset at having that many people in the living room where me and my 11 year old son were. My wife defended her family and made me out to be the bad guy trying to claim i just didnt want to be with them. I told her how unsafe and irresponsible it was being there with people who were mostly complete strangers. No social distancing, everyone trying to shake your hand, all in a relatively small indoor area.
> 
> ...


Yes, you have a right to be annoyed with your wife....but you are fine.
Covid isn't that big one a deal....unless you or your son are sickly then you are fine.
Cases of dying just from Covid are miniscule.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

No. You weren't wrong. I'm so angry for you. It's stupidity like what your FIL showed that makes this pandemic persist.
My mother, 83, lives in a high infection state. She regularly has small gatherings at her home. "Everyone's healthy!" She declares . I try to talk calmly to her about it. I've even cried to her about it. She has spent her whole adult life taking vitamins, exercising, eating clean, etc. I told her it would be a real pisser if she contracted Covid after her living healthy all these years.
You and your wife need to have a Come to Jesus Meeting about this subject in case you two are confronted with this again .


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I have been all over the country from the start of Covid-19. I take zinc three times a day along with a really good multi vitamin. I haven’t been sick at all.

The thing is this, everyone will come in contact with Covid one day. The question is are you ready to fight it.

Before you ask, I am in a high risk group being 30lbs over weight and pre diabetic.

You can’t be so damn scared to live life still.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

ABHale said:


> I have been all over the country from the start of Covid-19. I take zinc three times a day along with a really good multi vitamin. I haven’t been sick at all.
> 
> The thing is this, everyone will come in contact with Covid one day. The question is are you ready to fight it.
> 
> ...


For some people, the risk is not worth it. Let's have another mostly boring party with a bunch of people we don't know, so we can get Covid, and have our whole family sick or quarantined for however long it takes. It's not just the fact that they could die, it's the risk of getting seriously ill and potentially having long term health consequences. For what?

Yes, it's likely we'll all come into contact with it at some point. Personally I'm hoping that people like my parents and my child will have had a vaccination for it first, hopefully so their risk of serious complications is reduced. Some of us aren't worried about ourselves, we're worried about getting it, and giving it to our loved ones, or getting it and not being able to look after our families, or not having an income because we can't work.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I really believe my son had it this past November. He had all the symptoms for it. Doc’s said it was a virus just had never seen it. He is 21 now.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Yes, many people don't get particularly sick, or have no symptoms. Then there's instances like a lady who went travelling, got it and was asymptomatic, came home and gave it to her mother, who died.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I know of two doctors that are actually treating their patients that get it from the start. They haven’t lost a patient yet and have treated over 2k between the two of them.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You never know. I initially felt I might not survive if I got it because of my risk factors. But I barely knew I had it while some of my family members who are much younger and healthier than I am struggled with it. Recently, someone I know (with similar risk factors to mine) died after catching it from a family member. OTOH, I know someone with even greater risk factors than mine whose entire family got it and she was the only one who didn’t. It‘s not predictable, unfortunately.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Unless your child is high risk with serious medical conditions the threat to him at age 11 is tiny. However I do think it was very unwise to have such a gathering right now. Close family yes, neighbours and other friends no.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

ABHale said:


> I know of two doctors that are actually treating their patients that get it from the start. They haven’t lost a patient yet and have treated over 2k between the two of them.


I don't really get your argument to be honest. I could say that no one in my family has had it, therefore, there is no risk to my family, however that would be illogical. I could say no one in my town has died from it, therefore no one I know will die if they get it, but that too would be illogical.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

AliceA said:


> I don't really get your argument to be honest. I could say that no one in my family has had it, therefore, there is no risk to my family, however that would be illogical. I could say no one in my town has died from it, therefore no one I know will die if they get it, but that too would be illogical.


From what I’ve seen most doctors are not treating this at all. They wait until the patient is sick enough to go into ICU and then let them try to fight it on their own. Some of the people that have gone to these two doctors, their own doctor refused to treat them.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ABHale said:


> From what I’ve seen most doctors are not treating this at all. They wait until the patient is sick enough to go into ICU and then let them try to fight it on their own. Some of the people that have gone to these two doctors, their own doctor refused to treat them.


Well it is a virus so there isnt much the ordinary doctor can do unless the person needs help breathing in hospital.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Nope, you are right. I’m unsure why people are still willing to risk it at this point! 

I just want it to be over, and am willing to do what is in my power to not risk myself and others. It was wrong for your FIL to do that without warning you about the change of plans. You have the right to know what you are walking into, if the scenario has changed from when you were first invited. 

I want my life back. Let’s get this thing under control so we can all get back to our lives.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Well it is a virus so there isnt much the ordinary doctor can do unless the person needs help breathing in hospital.


They are actually prescribing two different drugs and supplements. It is working.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ABHale said:


> They are actually prescribing two different drugs and supplements. It is working.


What are the drugs and supplements? Do you know?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I think it is all in how one handles a situation such as this. For starters, you W should have backed you up with your concerns. Second, if you were uncomfortable with the number of people and contact then you should have stated so. Then go on home. I would hope your in-laws would understand. If not, that is their issue. And one more time...your W should have backed you up but it would appear she is a daddy pleaser instead. That will become a problem before long as spouses should always put each other first over anything else.


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## TomNebraska (Jun 14, 2016)

hawx20 said:


> ...
> 
> Was I in the wrong here?


_No... 

... though_ I *do *think you and her probably should have had a discussion about how to approach this beforehand, esp. if you knew your FIL was very outgoing and not taking it seriously. 

Going forward, I suggest you do that, since COVID-19 isn't going away anytime soon! This will likely be an ongoing issue for both of you. 

My GF went to her best friend's baby shower last weekend. there were 20+ people in attendence, and they held it at the father-to-be's indoor restaurant (the mother-to-be _REALLY _needed to have a baby shower, I guess)... my GF and I have generally been very cautious going back to March, but she felt she had to go. I told her beforehand we should not see eachother for a week after... she didn't like that, but grudgingly agreed. She's going to get tested this morning. 

I'm not just worried about the risk of dying... I also don't want to get sick with an awful respiratory disease. Especially one that leaves 20-30% of people with long term heart or lung complications..._ call me crazy_! But I really don't care what other people think when it comes to my health and well-being. Especially anti-mask / anti-vaxx / anti-science types .


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

T/J: I work at a hospital complex treating COVID and it is very real and very dangerous, even among younger people. Sure the odds may be lower for younger people but do you really want to act irresponsibly and take the risk that you're the 30 year old who dies or receives life-altering ailments? If nothing else, physical distance for everyone ELSE'S sake, so we can get over this.


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