# Am I wrong?



## mccratera (Nov 16, 2008)

This morning my husband and I had lamaz class. I am 33 weeks pregnant. Well, Last night he got drunk and didnt want to get out of bed. I'm still working 40 hrs a week and taking care of the house and on top of that really tired and uncomfortable. Anyway, He was mad cause he couldnt find any clean underwear. of which there was plenty it just hadn't gotten put away yet. He layed in bed until we were almost late. I tried to warn him that I was getting upset and said "please just get up, your cousin is here and I dont want to fight, so before i blow up please please please get dressed" The fight started about me not doing laundry. I left went to lamaz alone and he ended up meeting me there. During lunch his cousin said he was headding home and he blamed me for being mad and starting a fight. Later after lunch he left lamaz class and I stayed by my self, all because I told him to just leave me alone. I had no coach to work with so I "Obseved" the beathing and postion part. When I got home he was in bed and I told him to leave, six hours later he wouldnt talk to me still he finally told me he was at a bar 45 mins away so I drove all that way to go get his drunk butt. He wasn't there! He was at hooters 10 mins down the road. I got there told him to get in the car and he said he wanted to go to another bar. I took his keys and was really angry...(We have had major trust issues in our marriage about his drinking and what I believe to be unfaithfulness) Well, In the midst of my anger and raging hormones I broke his cell phone charger and told him he was an ******* to get in the car and go home. He took off running and said "Catch me if you can you ****ing *****." Well, I am still home alone and worried about him sad and he is at another bar. I didnt bother going to that one. I just went home. I am mad and hurt and feel he is in the wrong and he says I am. Things are just going to get worse in the morning. What do you think? Yes, I yelled alot and lost my temper but with our baby on the way and past issues with drinking, I dont feel I am.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I think you are both wrong. 

He needs counsiling, marriage counciling, and AA.

You need counciling, marriage counciling, and anger management.

Have you two always been like this?

draconis


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## mccratera (Nov 16, 2008)

We go though times. We usually are a very happy couple but when he drinks I can't handle it. It's the only time I dont trust him and it shows. I just hate his lies and he lies constantly which makes me wonder what else he is lying about and therefore i get more and more mad. I am alway considerate of his feelings and just wish for the same in return. I just dont want to live unhappy, and I dont want to raise my son with this kind of family. Tonight I told him to leave the bar, to choose between his wife and son or to stay and drink...he chose to stay so I came home.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Make it a point then that he either cleans up his act, and starts to go to AA faithfully or it is a deal breaker for you. Living with an Alcoholic isn't fun and isn't a proper enviroment to bring up a child in. Further all your anger and resentment WILL affect your son.

draconis


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## mccratera (Nov 16, 2008)

Well, My husband came home tonight. He did the unthinkable. He put me in a head lock and punched me three times. I never thought he would do that. I know I should call the cops but we are a military family and it can cause a long trail of trouble for the both of us. I am really upset and he doesnt care, my throbbing head keeps reminding me what he just did. In all of my wildest dreams i never would have thought he would lay a hand on me! Tonight he honestly hurt me I dont know if more physically or emotionally.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

PLEASE, call the police. No woman should be subjected to abuse, period.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

for the sake of the child and yourself , i dont think its going to get better. he obviously has no concern for the child and he has put you both at risk. 
i think you need to get out. it wont get better. you keep running around after him and where is the effort from him for what you do in the relationship. 
he comes back with violence and aggression and continuous abuse , physical and emotional.
at any point of him he could have made you unconscious. you could have lost your baby at that point - do you really want to risk that.


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## Earthmother1970 (Oct 10, 2008)

You need to remove yourself and your unborn child from that situation immediately. Call your nearest Abused Woman crisis center if you have no one else to turn to right now. He may be all apologetic and blame the alcohol or whatever when he wakes up, but there is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for what he has done.

He punched you while you are pregnant - the chances are he will do so again whether while you are still pregnant or after the child is born. There is a high probablity that he will be abusive either to your child or to you while your child is watching or listening. DO you want your child to grow up in that sort of environment?

He needs counselling and an anger management course, but there is absolutely no reason why you have to stick by him through thick and thin on that front. Marriage vows say to love and cherish, and he appears to be doing neither.

Military pride be damned. Get out now. Get some counselling for yourself to help you deal with your own issues.


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## mccratera (Nov 16, 2008)

Well, He just woke up and he is saying that he never hit me. He is saying that I am crazy and that I was the one throwing things and even hit him in the head with one. All untrue. I already contacted a friend and she said I could stay with her for a couple of days. So, I am going to leave. More then anything I just wanted him to say sorry for what he has done. Am I that invaluable to him? He knows he did it but wont admit it. and he laughs at me tears which hurts just as much.


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## Earthmother1970 (Oct 10, 2008)

I am so sorry you are going through this.

And sad to say that I don't think he does value you at all, but that is not your fault, and has nothing to do with you. It is his problem. Leave him to deal with it.

You need to deal with helping yourself & getting counselling of your own. There is no way you can force him to change, if he is not willing to do so or fails to acknowledge that there are any problems. Help yourself and your child.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

mccratera,
why are you martyring yourself? get the hell to a "safe zone" like draconis said...THEN try to sort this out. you cannot be in a mode of right thinking while you are under that roof.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

because of his own self issues, he wont admit to hitting you . to do that would be rendering him guilty.
he doesnt want to feel guilty, he just wants the issue of hitting you go away. by blaming you, he has an excuse.
UNTIL NEXT TIME and THERE IS ALWAYS A NEXT TIME for HITTING.
i been there. its gets worse.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Contact his commanding officer. Despite what some may say, they do not tolerate such behavior and have in place programs to help a violent and drunken soldier treat his wife properly.

====
National Domestic Violence Hotline
MilitaryHOMEFRONT Detail - U.S. Department of Defense

====


What was the Defense Task Force on Domestic Violence?

If you are in an abusive relationship or if something about your relationship with your partner scares you and you need someone to talk to, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit their website at National Domestic Violence Hotline.

The Defense Task Force on Domestic Violence was authorized by the National Defense Authorization Act of 2000. The 24-member Task Force was composed of senior military and civilian personnel from the Department of Defense and subject matter experts from the private sector, the Department of Justice and the Department of Health and Human Services. It was charged with reviewing the Department of Defense and Services’ policies on domestic violence and recommending ways to improve the military’s response to domestic violence.

The Task Force issued three reports, making almost 200 recommendations. The Department of Defense agreed with approximately 75% of those recommendations and is in the process of implementing them through formal DoD policy memoranda and regulations.

For more information about the recommendations made by the Defense Task Force on Domestic Violence, please click on the links below to access the three reports: 

* Initial Report of the DTFDV, February 2001
* Second Year Report of the DTFDV, February 2002
* Third Year Report of the DTFDV, February 2003


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## mfdldr79 (Oct 12, 2008)

You need to leave immediately. After you are at a safe place you then need to call the police, or if on a military base call the M.P.'s. I can assure you, from growing up in a household very much like you are explaining...IT WILL NOT GET ANY BETTER...IT WILL GET WORSE. Why do you allow him an out? Waiting simply for an apology? He has clearly stated his intentions as well as his desire, neither of which involve a proper/safe environment for you or your baby. What are you waiting for, him to hurt the baby this time? or hurt you further? You are enabling him to drink and act this waym and as long as you enable him....HE WILL. 

As I stated, I grew up and witnessed this very behavior. I watched my Mother act as a welcome mat for most of my youth. This not a healthy environment for you and certainly not for a baby. 

He needs help. If you wish to help him, so be it. However, do it from a safe distance.


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## LoveAtLast (Nov 17, 2008)

Being in the military might be the best thing for you right now. REPORT It! They'll remove him from the house and force him into counseling....and you can get help for yourself too.

And if you're worried about it hurting his career...stop worrying. YOU can't hurt his career. HE'S hurting it by making the choices he's making.

Raising a child by yourself is much easier than raising a child and trying to protect an abusive husband at the same time. Unless you change what you expect and will tolerate from him, he'll never change at all.


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

Pregnant? working 40 hours? and he is mad about laundry. Boy, he sounds like a real man! That is the kind of crap that makes me sick. I hope you can work things out. If you don't get this fixed, it is gonna suck once the baby comes. He needs to grow up or get out. Sorry , just being real!


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## lostinwonder (Oct 14, 2008)

I am sorry you are going through this. In my opinion you don't have any right to stay with this person. You are now responsible for an innocent child and you don't have a "choice" whether to stay or leave. You MUST leave for the sake of protecting your child. If you do stay with this wife beater (future child beater), you should give your child up for adoption. Don't waste time wondering what you should do. These men (boys) who do this need to be stopped. Whether he's sober 10 years from now or not, doesn't affect NOW. Don't wait around hoping to "fix" him. We women have the horrible knack of hoping things will change until we are blue in the face. This is not LOVE. This is a sick relationship that needs to end. You have to protect your sweet little baby that will be here very soon. 
Alcohol is the devil - I've been sober 9 years. I know what drinking can do to a relationship. I know what I went through and it was so ugly that I'm now having guilt, shame, and pain because of the things I did - years later. Quitting drinking and never having another sip is a hard thing to do. But alcohol makes even those of us who are kind hearted by nature venimous creatures of hate and hurt. 
Good luck with this situation. I hope you have support from many people. Remember this, that even when you want him back in the times of desperation and loneliness, he hurt you without remorse. Focus on your baby and remember that you saved an innocent child from a horrible situation by leaving. You need to report him and make sure he doesn't get any custody of the child (I don't know how that works, I guess you will need an attorney). And try to get some psychological help for yourself. Not because you are crazy, but to help you get on the right mental path so that you don't choose a boy like this in the future. 
Remember when your little angel comes into the world, you have done the RIGHT thing by leaving this person. YOu have protected your child.


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## Guest (Nov 26, 2008)

At no point in time should you EVER have to tolerate this form of behavior out of someone who is supposed to love and cherish you. DO NOT TOLERATE THIS!!! Get out of that situation and seek help. Do not let him come back without paying a heavy price in changing his attitude, behavior, never drinking a drop ever, and counseling for his anger and other irrational behaviors. And dont think is a few weeks he claiming he is better is long enough to prove he has changed. He has to pay the price of time, not seeing his child born possibly, and seeing how heavy a price he will pay if your relationship ends due to his actions.

And do not ever think this is something that you are doing. This is not you, this lays on his shoulders completely as it is he who is doing the most unthinkable thing.


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## Guest (Nov 26, 2008)

I want to add, if my wife was pregnant, I know exactly where I would be. At home, with her, preparing and enjoying a special time in our lives.

This is from a man who has been married for 16 years for which my wife and I have not had the blessings of a child in our lives.


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## hurtone (Nov 24, 2008)

I am new on here, but is there a way to track down this person so that he can be arrested and removed from the home? 

If you show this to the authorities, would they do anything?????


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