# Moving on... maybe way too fast



## movingon926 (Sep 2, 2015)

My husband and I have been together 10 years and 5 years as a married couple. We are in our mid 30s with no kids. We have been separated for 2.5 months with very limited communication.

I came home after a work trip to find all of his belongings gone, and he has already taken his share from our bank account. He said he has been unhappy with our marriage for the last year. I admit we have drifted apart. We moved to two cities in the last 5 years for his job. I have been so unhappy with these moves because I was not able to fully pursue my own professional career. I had a hard time finding a job at our current place so I went back to grad school for an MBA. He works in the university so I get free tuition but he was not at all supportive about this. While I was in school for a year, I did not have a job. 6 months before graduation, I was able to find one and I thought our relationship would be better. I guess I was wrong. 

He was just distant with me. He avoid spending time with me and would rather watch tv. We would get into fights frequently. Instead of being a nag and constantly asking him to hang out with me, I gave him his space. If he doesn’t want to go out to dinner or an event with me, I took that as he needs his space so I went out with my girlfriends. He would jokingly tell me that I suck, that he hates me, and would sometimes give me the middle finger … just when I wake up and start the day. I am not exactly a wilting flower myself so I hurl the same insults and verbal abuse back to him. I thought I need to work on myself to save my marriage so I saw a therapist. 

Him moving out was really painful and caught me by surprise. He said he is not seeing someone else and I do believe him. After he moved out, we met a couple of weeks later. He is going to therapy by himself but still refuse to do couples therapy. To survive this pain, I placed all my energy into moving on at lightning speed. I decided not to renew our lease and booked a 3-month travel abroad, with the plan of settling in a different state when I get back to the US. I already sold most of our stuff and resigned from my current job. I only send him emails about logistics. I don’t know where he is living right now nor do I care to find out. 

So my dilemma is, am I giving up way too easily on my marriage? I still do love him but I have a lot of pride and will not beg for him to stay if he no longer wants to be in this marriage. It’s only been 2.5 months since he moved out. I have 5 weeks left before I take off on my trip and by then it will be the permanent end of us. He doesn’t know about the trip but knows I am moving out of our apartment. I am not afraid of facing a future without him. I can financially support myself and know that I can create a new and happy life. However, I did make a vow and I still do love him. Could I have waited a few more months for him to figure himself and our relationship out? I feel guilty for not fighting hard enough for us. He is the one that wanted to leave this marriage but I feel like I am the one who has to implement this plan legally. I have always been the one who takes the initiative and organizes our household.


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

movingon926 said:


> My husband and I have been together 10 years and 5 years as a married couple. We are in our mid 30s with no kids. We have been separated for 2.5 months with very limited communication.
> 
> I came home after a work trip to find all of his belongings gone, and he has already taken his share from our bank account. He said he has been unhappy with our marriage for the last year. I admit we have drifted apart. We moved to two cities in the last 5 years for his job. I have been so unhappy with these moves because I was not able to fully pursue my own professional career. I had a hard time finding a job at our current place so I went back to grad school for an MBA. He works in the university so I get free tuition but he was not at all supportive about this. While I was in school for a year, I did not have a job. 6 months before graduation, I was able to find one and I thought our relationship would be better. I guess I was wrong.
> 
> ...



Your marriage sounds very familiar. The miscommunication, resentment, unhappiness, one taking charge while the other doesn't, one wanting to exit the marriage but the other doing the work to give that one what he wants. Very familiar.
I wish I were as brave as you and I know that's not helpful but as to it moving too fast it sounds like you have your mind already made up, mostly. You will get great advice here and lots of experiences to empathize with, think on and compare to.
Have a good time on your trip.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Have a great trip and life!! Don't ever look back once you get on the plane. DUDE


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## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> Have a great trip and life!! Don't ever look back once you get on the plane. DUDE


Agree with Dude. Your husband left you first and you decided to take care of yourself and move on. The fact that it was 'fast' probably supports the idea it wasn't meant to be......


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

When I read the title of your post I thought it was going to be about moving on to another relationship maybe too fast. 

But, no. Your are just moving on with your life and your own happiness in what I think is a healthy and pro-active way. Good for you and enjoy your trip!! And your new beginning!


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