# Treated badly because I'm married?



## Amelia Wilson-Adams (Sep 27, 2010)

Hello I am new here 
I have the next two days off from school due to teacher workshops so I was googling for a chat site about marriage.
I am 17 years old and I'm a junior in high school.
I was home-schooled since the end of 7th grade until end of 8th when my father who was in the military (only guardian) passed away and my older sister who is 24 became my and my little brother's legal guardian. We moved in with her and her fiance. It was tough, and i found home schooling to be easier for a while, till I got back into it. It was a small town, only one public middle/high school. Everyone knew everyone. When i turned 16 i got married. He's 21, and two weeks after my 16th birthday my sister signed off on it. We actually had a real wedding at the church and everything. We had 50 something guests at the reception i believe. Again, small town so you invite one person you invite them all lol.
But this past summer my husband got transferred from work since they were laying people off and he begged for his job. The only way was to move out of state 4 hours away by plane.
So we moved from our loved little town in July and have been here in the city since. And man is it different haha. I decided I still wanted to continue high school. I started September 16th and its been difficult...not curriculum wise but social wise i guess. I mean, i had friends back home, it wasn't just my husband and family...i always had my best friends. There was always a smiling face just down the road. And everyone was fine with my marriage, i had tons of blessings. No one at school acted like this and even 3 of my teachers were at my wedding. But since I started school its been weird...its hard to explain. When i registered the secretary asked for my guardians since i went in by myself and i told her its only my big sister but shes all the way back home so its only me and my husband and she gave me the dirtiest look...and then asked for paperwork.
Then two days later the guidance counselor called me in to pick out my classes. And she asked and asked about my family and my husband and my marriage license. I gave her my sister's number and everything but i told her legally, I'm emancipated and have been since 16. She asked if we have a house and i said no just a two room apartment. Then she asked if we have any kids or will be expecting at all this year and i said no were waiting until I'm out of school and have a good job and after we have money saved up. After that I was called down to the nurse and she talked about birth control and how "sex is a normal thing between a married couple" that was just awkward.
So after that was over, class was even worse...the teachers were "informed" of my status and asked me to give them contact information for my husband while everyone else did their parents info. One teacher made me stay after class and told me he understands my "situation" like its a problem or something. Besides that, every single darn kid is staring me down and questioning me on my engagement and wedding ring i wear. I feel like all eyes are on my left hand. Its so uncomfortable and its very uncomfortable for my counselor calling me down every 2-3 days asking about life at home.
One guy asked "so like you have sex then at home like every night right?" and I told him its none of his damn business. I just hate people bringing up my marriage because they put me in an awkward spot. And the people that are'nt talking about my marriage are ignoring me even if i try to make small talk. There's so many rumors and gossip going around about me.
I feel like I shouldn't wear my rings anymore...but i feel naked without them. I never paid much attention to the stuff they're pointing out before. Its so different i just feel lost.
I call my sister everyday but shes home with her fiance and our bro and shes so far away.
My husband works 7am-6:30pm during the week so its only me in that apartment most of the time and it gets lonely. There's a bunch of shops in the mall that's 10 minutes away and that's fun but there's no one to go with and i always see people there together.
I'm just confused as to why I'm being ostracized about this. I try to talk to people like a normal friendly person. No one is really clicking with me...i mean i should have found one friend right?
I know that school is my main concern but i cant help feeling upset when I'm eating by myself and doing labs by myself for my two science classes. Projects have already been assigned in all my classes and theyre group work.
And the whole counselor thing is too much...why is she doing this? I think she already knows i have sex.
Is there someone out there who would like to talk to me?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I think you should continue to wear your rings. It would probably cause even more stir if you took them off, and plus, you shouldn't let yourself be effected by others opinions to such an extent that you feel you have to hide your marriage.

In regards to the counselor, she would have to be completely daft not to realise you have a sex life with your husband, but it's such a strange thing in your society to be married so young, that she's trying to gain some control over it from her perspective. No doubt she's used to being the 'wise one' who can tell young people what they should do, and she's continued that line of thought with you regarding your marriage, even though it's inappropriate. If she wants to discuss this stuff with you again, you have the right to refuse to discuss it.

It must be tough in a new place, with no friends, but don't think you are alone in that situation. It's made harder because you are in a school with many people your age, and cannot find a friend, but lots of people have that problem, where they move to a new place and cannot find anyone they connect with on a friendship level. You will just have to give it some time. Maybe try join a sporting club or something outside of the school, so you are meeting different people. 

Concentrate on completing your schoolwork while you are there, keep discussion of your husband to a minimum, as in an environment like that, people will put twists on anything you say. So far you've done all you can do in that regard. Things will settle down eventually, with no new ammunition, they'll get tired of talking about the same thing over and over again, hopefully.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Have you thought about getting a G.E.D. instead and then going on to take classes at a community college? Not that you shouldn't be at the high school if you want to be, you have every right. I'm just saying you might feel more comfortable in an alternative setting, and meet people with whom you may have more in common at this point in your life.


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## Amelia Wilson-Adams (Sep 27, 2010)

Thank you for that advice.
Its hard because I'm not use to such a big city. I'm having a hard time finding my way around and whenever i shop its usually twice as much as what I'm use to. I dont want to be rude to my counselor since i know she is only doing her job or trying to at least.

And no i havent, GED is not for me. I want to finish school, my dad would of wanted me to.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Also, can you join a church? You need to build a caring community of people around you and your husband.


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## Amelia Wilson-Adams (Sep 27, 2010)

Thank you but he isnt very religious...we just had a church wedding because it was something i wanted.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

First, you decided to get married, which is something adults do. Therefore, you cannot be both child and adult. You made your choice on that one. So be an adult and handle your business. Yes, your counselor is older and an authority figure, and you were taught to respect both, but she is disrespecting you....or might be. I cannot be certain that she is concerned for some reason or if you are as much an anomaly to her as you are to your classmates. She might wonder if there is a reason you married so young without being pregnant. Both child abuse and spousal abuse are rampant in this world. She might genuinely wonder if you did this against your will. After all, you told the school your sister was your legal guardian. Whether or not you told them about your parents, you thinking your sister is your legal guardian tells the school you have no parents. Your counselor was informed of this also. That leads her - as an adult and a school counselor - to wonder if you were forced into your situation. I really believe she is looking out for you and trying to give you as many opportunities as she possibly can to open up and tell her if you are in danger or are being abused. The thing for you to do - as an adult - is to ask her why she keeps calling you into her office. Then explain that all is truly well with you. I think you both need to be relieved of your suspicions and concerns. Otherwise, if she is just curious or nosy, put her in her place.

Incidentally, your sister is not your legal guardian. As a married woman, you are an adult and have no guardian at all. Remember that because you no longer have anyone to answer to - not your husband, not your sister, no one.

Also, like I said, you are an anomaly to your classmates. You do with freedom (everything you do, not just sex) what they dream of doing and can only look forward to that kind of independence. They still have to answer to their parents, get placed on punishment, do chores whether they want to or not, and so on. They have to ask permission (for the most part) for everything want to do and everyplace they want to go. They have to attend school, but school is something you choose to do (and you are absolutely right, please stay in school until you graduate). And you know they think of sex a lot. The girls want to be liked and the boys want some coochie LOL. Yet, there you sit right beside them. They are jealous of that and are also afraid of that. Instead of telling your counselor everything is okay, you should tell her what you told us, about how your schoolmates treat you. She may have some suggestions. If nothing else, she may be able to help you understand it and encourage you with ways to overcome it.

Don't take everything so personally. I realize you are in new and unfamiliar surroundings. You and they have to learn about each other and learn to accept each other. I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is the life you chose. You have to be adult now and start looking at life and people a little differently.


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

Amelia Wilson-Adams said:


> Hello I am new here
> I have the next two days off from school due to teacher workshops so I was googling for a chat site about marriage.
> I am 17 years old and I'm a junior in high school.
> I was home-schooled since the end of 7th grade until end of 8th when my father who was in the military (only guardian) passed away and my older sister who is 24 became my and my little brother's legal guardian. We moved in with her and her fiance. It was tough, and i found home schooling to be easier for a while, till I got back into it. It was a small town, only one public middle/high school. Everyone knew everyone. When i turned 16 i got married. He's 21, and two weeks after my 16th birthday my sister signed off on it. We actually had a real wedding at the church and everything. We had 50 something guests at the reception i believe. Again, small town so you invite one person you invite them all lol.
> ...


I have you beat- I was married at 15 years old to a 31 year old- no, nothing to do with having a child either- I was going to marry him at 17 though but things happen at home- Is all I am saying.... I was also treated different as well, and you will be seeing you married at a young age- sometimes it is good and sometimes it sucks.... I am still married to husband though and here it is 17 years later. I do wish you the best of them... You will be treated different while in school- I had to drop out from the way I was being treated it just did not seem right at all... You need to talk with the school shrink and tell her what those kids are doing to you and how they are making you feel. You, should also let her know you were the one who wanted to be in this marriage and that you were not being made to do so--- funny I had to go to a hearing when I got married and I had to have my father okay me to get married your sister should have had to do them same- my husband and me also had to talk with them and tell them "we're not being paid to do this, that nobody is making us, and so on"
I do not know how though my mother got out of it- but yes at at 16 as well you would of had to go to court as well- it is the LAW--- so I think someone is pulling a fast one here... It is the same in all of the states--- but yes, you are now an adult so you need to let- people know what is going on, and start acting like one- take care of what needs to be taken care of. You wanted to be married- so now it is time to be the adult and know what you need to do....


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

As I told you, I was also emancipated at the age of 15 (Married) I ended up getting married to my husband and yes, when I came back to school while I was going- it was hell- everyone knew and the teachers just did not treat me the same and it was like- they just let me be- The kids were being kids very rude and then some... Removing your wedding rings will not stop them from talking though and if it boths you so much have your husband call or go down to the school and tell them to leave you alone... They for one cannot keep treating you the way they are doing. Another thing you are married now and you do not need to answer to them they need to realize YOU ARE NOT A KID NOW- YOU ARE MARRIED... I know it is hard- it is very hard. Just live your life happy and be what you are being. Leave the rings on and try not to let the others win- stay in school... But now you will see why I dropped out- it is hell... But my husband is worth it- your hubby is as well- do not let them win= and like I said removing your rings will not stop the talk and will not stop people from looking- next thing they would say is "You are not with your husband anymore" you will start even more talk by removing them.....


*TRUST ME- I WOULD KNOW SEEING I MARRIED ONE YEAR BEFORE YOU*


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## Lovinmyhubby (Sep 10, 2010)

yea dont let it get to u..i got married at 19, im only 20 now lol but my dad still isnt talking to me bcuz i married, well he stopped talkin to me b4 that but he hates that im married so young, but im happy and he jus doesnt understand that, but dont let them get to u..your gonna constantly get ridiculed by adults lookin down for being married so young..half of them upset no one married them lol so jus go to school n ignore them, tru friends wont let u being married affect ur friendship..i mean aint nothin changed..but the fact that ur married..people r jus unaccepting, and ive realized that being married young..


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## lil miss wifey (Sep 5, 2010)

Hi Hi, well this is like a young marriage reunion here lol , well I got married at 17, not because I got pregnant or whatever but because I loved my bf and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him , I wouldn't really say I had it hard with my friends or classmates because no one could of say anything stupid to me or about me, simply because they would look stupid and jealous of me, and mostly because they cared, they did ask questions tho, like are u sure your ready for this, why so young, how long u been with the guy my bf, they were my friends and friends of friends so i didn't take it in a bad way.

My teacher, she was new at our school and everyone had to introduced themselves, when it was my turn, one of my friend said she is married and the teacher was like, WHATTTTTTTT YOUR MARRIEDDDDDD YOUR SOOOOOO YOUNG YOUR LIKE A BABYYYYYYY, in this kind of shocking and pityful way, and I looked at her and said to her what i'm like a baby, I got up and told her that my friends is my friends my family is my family I know they care about me but for u don't come here and disrespect me like that and I explained to her why I got married and that i'm happy, its a dream come through for me, so i'm not telling u to be rude like me to stand up and tell the teacher that, but u got to stand up for urself don't let anyone make u feel bad for ur decisions.

Your married ur not on the maury show or jerry springer show LOL, and getting married young to me is better than getting married old, u have more time with this person to learn each other , so when u reach 30 u will start enjoying life as when someone who got married old after learning each other starts to enjoy life at 50 or 60 that's just how I see it, of course if u want ur marriage to last u will make it last u wont gave up, like me i wont, i honestly wont. 

I just said the age thing because in my marriage maybe other's, I had to get to learn about my husband, know his likes and dislikes, I had to adjust with living with someone else, I had to learn how to be a wife, how to live with his family, I had to go through different stages that all relationships or marriages have although we all go through different things, ans now I have to work and save as well as my husband so we're not getting to spend much time with each other its just work and sleep we go out every one in a while, but im sure when i'm 30 I will be able to settle down and have kids and be a stay at home mom right now im working toward opening a very small business it would get bigger and bigger in time so that's why I said the age thing, plus to me it didn't make sense not getting married to me all relationships r the same finances may be different but we all have something in common doesn't matter or wallet if huge or not, and to leave one guy because he snores to go with another who doesn't snore but farts LOL no one if perfect. 

And im happy that ur still in school and u have goals for urself because I know a lot of girls because they got married they left school, but I don't know if ur having sex its none of my business and its not of anybody business, unless u tell them and I am 20yrs now so i've been married for a nice while now .


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## christine30 (Mar 23, 2010)

First of all, congratulation on your wedding, no matter what the reason are, you married for love and because you both wanted this. It is tough to move away from all that you have known, But honestly, you have to put your foot down. No one should question you as to why you got married so young. that is not there business esp, if you want to raise a child later down the road or not. Counselors are supppose to give you positive feedbacks and guide you in the right direction based on your education.. anything else if you aske for advice. I suggest that yes, you are 16 but you are married on your own choice, and you are an adult. You do not need to answer to anyone and tell them your business. In time, you will find a few friends that will give you a chance, other than that your main goal is your HUSBAND, not these young kids at school. Ignore, them, dont succumb to their attitudes and words.. and know that you have someone that loves you dearly at home. 

Be strong, and know that you are your own person, not these kids, and one track adults. they do nothing for you, they do not pay your bills, or ask how you are doing.. they are nothing. until you meet those that respect you for you, not question your actions.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Please, do act like an adult and refuse to accept advice based on such child-like premises as, "the other students MAKE ME FEEL," or "have your husband come to school and . . ." Those are both childish and totally useless suggestions.

You are feeling alone, confused, and "odd" because other people do not cozy up to you. That's normal; if we do not have close friends, we may feel alone and like the "odd man out." Of course, as a married high school student, you are, generally, the "odd man out," as in, the only one (or one of very, very few) in this position in your current school. You are also in a new environment, adding to the stress. 

Start thinking of this as a new adventure. It often takes people months to warm up to someone new, so there really isn't anything about your situation vis-a-vis other students that is unusual. It's harder for you b/c you came from a close-knit community. Step back, try not to assume it has all that much to do with being married and a lot more to do with being new, and in an urban environment (again, very different from your former home). You've lost your dad, a source of sadness, and now you've lost your long-term support (sister, old friends). New situation, newlywed, and a novelty to others. It's time for a deep breath, a commitment to giving yourself and others time to work things out, time to build other relationships (volunteer!! try a local elementary school, where reading and math help are always welcome). 

If you call in your husband to school, you will lose legitimacy as an adult in the eyes of many. Can you imagine a woman calling in her husband when she's having trouble with her boss? So unbelievably unprofessional--b/c adults are expected to handle their own problems. Of course you share with him your feelings and you solicit his advice, but you decide your own course of action. Getting busy where you are needed, remaining friendly and open with peers, working on those grades and practicing for ACTs/SATs and college--while running a household--all that should keep you busy enough that this phase of life will seem to pass more quickly. It won't be all that different at college, by the way, if you go to a traditional program with traditional-age students, relatively few of whom will be married. So, be prepared. In a few years, at about 20 or 21, you'll start finding more people your age who are married, and who won't find you such a novelty. Handle this with grace and maturity--understand how others see it and reframe the way you think about it, and you will be happier without anything else having to change--although as you become more relaxed, more willing to let things take their course, other things will start to change b/c you will have taken steps to broaden your circle of acquaintences. Good luck.


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