# NC after divorce



## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

I originally posted in the reconciliation forum, but I think my post fits better here.

Short of it: married 5 years. No kids. I drank too much. She's a compulsive liar. No fighting or infidelity. We got a long most of the time when the MIL was not around. She's a momma's girl. Her mother pushed her to leave me (her parents have a terrible marriage and she hates men, the father in law is a drunk). She moved out. We tried reconciliation without counseling twice. Both times, when things got a little shaky, her mom pushed her to end it.

I've fixed my drinking. She hasn't fixed her mommy-issue.

Divorce has been final for about two months. We both are dating other people. We had a sit down meeting the other day at her request. She is terribly confused/messed up. I admit, Im sure there is probably some game-playing going on. I know she is trying to find a replacement for me, but I can also tell she is not able to. Nor am I to be truthful. She asked if I wanted to to to MC now, then fell off the face of the Earth the next day when time came to schedule. Im pretty sure in her head right now its a battle between what she wants and what her mom is telling/threatening her with. I also believe she wants to try and fix herself. She is going to IC. So am I.

Throughout our time apart, everytime I go NC she re-emerges. Someone posted that she is cake-eating. Someone else said she simply doesn't want me to move on until she is able to. I get that, but I also see that my drinking played a major role. And Im sure she has been told that former drinkers will drink again.

Does anyone see any value in me going NC. I mean, after she asked for MC then disappeared its really my only choice. But, does anyone think it might be enough if I STICK WITH IT this time to snap her out of her fog? The standard response I get on here is "why would you want to get back with her?" Truthfully, Im not sure I want to. BUT, I just wonder if a legit NC, lasting months has ever snapped anyone out of it. Should I just go NC or pull the whole, "Good luck finding someone, I hope you are happy" line followed by NC would be a better way to go out...thoughts?

This is a confusing time for all involved. I just don't want my anger/mistrust NOW to effect things that could happen down the road. She moved out, yes, but she is the one that pushes for contact (whether it be cake-eating, confusion, who knows?)


----------



## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

I am in a much worse place now than I was before I met with her this week. There has been NC for sometime now. It was better before I talked to her. At least then I had no idea what she was thinking. Now that I know she misses me, thinks about calling me all the time but doesn't, etc. I find myself rehashing what went wrong in our marriage. This is something I wasn't doing last week. Who knows, everything she said when we met could have been lies or she is really that messed up. I just can't figure out the request for MC followed up by silence.


----------

