# So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Appreciation - is it actions, more sex, verbal? What does the W or SO do that to you specifically it shows she really appreciates you?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Nothing


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Takes good care of me, makes me food I like, keeps herself fit and attractive, is supportive and encouraging, indulges my fantasies, still thanks me for taking her out for a nice dinner, spontaneous blow jobs.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Does not take me for granted (within reason). Is willing to take care of me (I am rather independent so that is why I say willing). Makes an effort to take care of herself. Does not put me down or belittle me. Gets me stupid little crap that others wouldn't quite appreciate but makes me smile (things simple as a bag of nerds and chapsticks as part of my birthday presents  ). Makes maintaining a healthy sex life a priority (I would say this is more of an ideal but probably the one item that has been an on and off issue for a while, however she listens and just doesn't blow me off when we talk about). Watches all my stupid sci fi shows lol.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

to quote a tom petty song; 'she lets the little things go'.

she never makes a big deal about minor things. like yesterday when i picked up chinese, and forgot to get her hot mustard, she just said 'that's ok honey'.

actually, my wife treats me like a king (king jorge), and after 4+ years with her, i still don't know why, because i don't deserve it.

i'm waiting for the day she finally wakes up and realizes i'm not the guy she has put on the pedestal after all.


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

She complains about something else that I didn't do to her satisfaction.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

aine said:


> Appreciation - is it actions, more sex, verbal? What does the W or SO do that to you specifically it shows she really appreciates you?


yes to all. though it follows in order of my needs on a his needs/her needs basis - sex/touch is my #1 and words of affirmation is my #2.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I tell my hubby all the time how much I appreciate him and all he does for me, and he knows that I never take him for granted - he actually said that the other day. He said I make him feel special 

I also make his fav foods, and lots of little things like his morning coffee (he loves that, don't know why really, it's just coffee, lol), send him a text or two with kisses during the day. He loves it when I've made his dinner if I'm not home when he gets home and put a little heart on the note with the instructions on how to reheat it. 

I left a couple of forms that needed his signature on the table one morning with a sticky note saying "Sign me you sexy beast!" he roared laughing, hehehe!


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> Takes good care of me, makes me food I like, keeps herself fit and attractive, is supportive and encouraging, indulges my fantasies, still thanks me for taking her out for a nice dinner, spontaneous blow jobs.


If I was single I'd be asking if she had a sister...:wink2:


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> Married but Happy said:
> 
> 
> > Takes good care of me, makes me food I like, keeps herself fit and attractive, is supportive and encouraging, indulges my fantasies, still thanks me for taking her out for a nice dinner, spontaneous blow jobs.
> ...


Scratch the sister. Three words: Stem cell clone.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Earns six figures


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

john117 said:


> Earns six figures


That made me chuckle... my grandmother told me " EB, you can fall in love with a rich woman as easily as a poor one..."

My wife never did really like my grandmother...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Doesn't fart in bed.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I wake him up with a neck rub and a glass of water because I know he will be thirsty. Then I make him breakfast. I compliment him and tell him how hot and how intelligent he is multiple times a day. I clean up his random messes and keep track of his stuff. Foot rubs, massages, lots of sex, BJ's, etc.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

EunuchMonk said:


> Scratch the sister. Three words: Stem cell clone.


If the tech were there, I'd consider it. The threesomes would be awesome!!

She does have a sister who is single, but they are not at all alike. So yes, scratch the sister.


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## 00buck (Jun 2, 2016)

Wow, some of you guys have it good. 

My wife used to do some of that stuff, not so much any more and if she does it's done begrudgingly. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

aine said:


> Appreciation - is it actions, more sex, verbal? What does the W or SO do that to you specifically it shows she really appreciates you?


Good question. My SO is totally indifferent towards me. No sex, no verbal, nothing.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> Doesn't fart in bed.


Then you might should not ever marry a Brit... there is a whole culture wrapped around such a thing as that.

*Sorry MattMatt :grin2:

Maybe it's a Scottish thing? :wink2:

I am in so much trouble...


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> I wake him up with a neck rub and a glass of water because I know he will be thirsty. Then I make him breakfast. I compliment him and tell him how hot and how intelligent he is multiple times a day. I clean up his random messes and keep track of his stuff. Foot rubs, massages, lots of sex, BJ's, etc.


Tell me, would you consider leaving him and moving in with me....


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Doesn't fart in bed.


Everyone farts in bed.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Satya said:


> Everyone farts in bed.




Some do it on purpose.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Some do it on purpose.


Think of it as blowing a kiss from your ass.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

blueinbr said:


> Nothing


:iagree:


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> Tell me, would you consider leaving him and moving in with me....


That'd be like getting a new pair of combat boots after you finally got your last pair broke in. 



Satya said:


> Everyone farts in bed.


My DH swears I should take it as a compliment. He says he only farts so much because cuddling me relaxes him and... :rofl:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Satya said:


> Everyone farts in bed.


It's rude. 

I grew up in fvcking modified barn in Nowhere, Arizona and I'm civilized enough to know not to do that with a partner.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> to quote a tom petty song; 'she lets the little things go'.
> 
> she never makes a big deal about minor things. like yesterday when i picked up chinese, and forgot to get her hot mustard, she just said 'that's ok honey'.
> 
> ...


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> It's rude.
> 
> I grew up in fvcking modified barn in Nowhere, Arizona and I'm civilized enough to know not to do that with a partner.


I think it's a personal thing. 
Happy to admit that Odo and I actually compete to kill the bigger duck, but we are both potty humored individuals and we can laugh and joke about it, pretty much every day. 

My ex H couldn't stand fart JOKES, let alone the idea that I would ever fart. It's so nice being with someone that is as gassy as me.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> It's rude.
> 
> 
> 
> I grew up in fvcking modified barn in Nowhere, Arizona and I'm civilized enough to know not to do that with a partner.




That's why i let the dog sleep in the bed. He gets the blame.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Satya said:


> I think it's a personal thing.
> Happy to admit that Odo and I actually compete to kill the bigger duck, but we are both potty humored individuals and we can laugh and joke about it, pretty much every day.
> 
> My ex H couldn't stand fart JOKES, let alone the idea that I would ever fart. It's so nice being with someone that is as gassy as me.


Classy.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

To each his/her own!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> That's why i let the dog sleep in the bed. He gets the blame.


If your smoosh faced America Bulldog is anything like mine, that is risky. 9 times out of 10, the dog DID do it!


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

aine said:


> Appreciation - is it actions, more sex, verbal? What does the W or SO do that to you specifically it shows she really appreciates you?


She acknowledges my existence (i.e. doesn't pretend to be busy with something on her phone or with a book) and speaks to me face to face and not via iMessage.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

m00nman said:


> She acknowledges my existence (i.e. doesn't pretend to be busy with something on her phone or with a book) and speaks to me face to face and not via iMessage.


That is a sadly low bar in a marriage.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Joey2k said:


> She complains about something else that I didn't do to her satisfaction.


Ditto...perhaps the question ought to phrased the other direction. I work tirelessly for the family but get absolutely nothing from her. As long as the kids are happy that's good enough for me, I know that there's nothing that I can do that will possibly satisfy her.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Satya said:


> It's so nice being with someone that is as gassy as me.


Good words for a Valentine's Day card.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

MJJEAN said:


> That is a sadly low bar in a marriage.


When you write something like that you need to realize that someone out there is thinking "That *would be* a sadly low bar in a marriage*, if she was reaching it.* It probably took 6 months of therapy to reach that bar. 

Here is where I am. She reads or plays games most of the time we are together, including in the car and on dinner dates. She Doesn't read my text messages. She appreciates me less than my father did. 

It may be true that I deserve or have earned this, but this thread is about what she "DOES".


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Mr. Nail said:


> When you write something like that you need to realize that someone out there is thinking "That *would be* a sadly low bar in a marriage*, if she was reaching it.* It probably took 6 months of therapy to reach that bar.
> 
> Here is where I am. She reads or plays games most of the time we are together, including in the car and on dinner dates. She Doesn't read my text messages. She appreciates me less than my father did.
> 
> It may be true that I deserve or have earned this, but this thread is about what she "DOES".


So, basically, you're saying that it took 6 months of therapy to teach a grown adult basic manners? That's just mind blowing.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

My wife does EVERYTHING for me, and sometimes I wish she wouldn't, to be honest. I try to help, but she gets upset sometimes when I do because she feels like it's her job (?) and she is failing at it. She loves me, is pretty, the nicest person you'll ever meet, good sense of humor, is generous, cooks, cleans, irons my clothes, has my clothes ready including socks before I go anywhere, brings me my food and drink on a tray if I eat in my recliner, mows the yard (she won't let me mow, but I do the weedeating and use the blower), and the list goes on and on. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I am honored to be her husband!


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Luvher4life said:


> My wife does EVERYTHING for me, and sometimes I wish she wouldn't, to be honest. I try to help, but she gets upset sometimes when I do because she feels like it's her job (?) and she is failing at it. She loves me, is pretty, the nicest person you'll ever meet, good sense of humor, is generous, cooks, cleans, irons my clothes, has my clothes ready including socks before I go anywhere, brings me my food and drink on a tray if I eat in my recliner, mows the yard (she won't let me mow, but I do the weedeating and use the blower), and the list goes on and on. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I am honored to be her husband!


Is she from a Western culture???

She is paying her Karma forward in dividends!


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> Is she from a Western culture???
> 
> She is paying her Karma forward in dividends!


Nope. She is just a good ol' country girl from a small town here in Texas.

To be honest, I'd do anything for her, too....................., if she'd just let me....:smcowboy:


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Luvher4life said:


> My wife does EVERYTHING for me, and sometimes I wish she wouldn't, to be honest. I try to help, but she gets upset sometimes when I do because she feels like it's her job (?) and she is failing at it. She loves me, is pretty, the nicest person you'll ever meet, good sense of humor, is generous, cooks, cleans, irons my clothes, has my clothes ready including socks before I go anywhere, brings me my food and drink on a tray if I eat in my recliner, mows the yard (she won't let me mow, but I do the weedeating and use the blower), and the list goes on and on. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I am honored to be her husband!





Emerging Buddhist said:


> Is she from a Western culture???
> 
> She is paying her Karma forward in dividends!


I do all the yard work. Mow, weed whack, rake, bag, broom. I also do all of the house and auto repairs. I cook every meal for DH. I fetch him ice for his drinks, his meals, and snacks (no tray due to table placement). I get him his towel and clothes for his shower, socks, boxers, and shoes included. I do his finger and toe nails as well as trim his beard and mustache. I do all of the dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, organizing, bill pays, taxes etc. I do all of the pet caretaking, as well. (3 dogs, a parrot, a tortoise, a cat, and a couple Beta fish)

I didn't even consider adding my total chores and duties as showing appreciation because I see it as my job. I'm SAHM. Other than working his job, why should he have to do anything? I was raised that a SAHM should have _everything_ but the actual for pay job under control.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> I do all the yard work. Mow, weed whack, rake, bag, broom. I also do all of the house and auto repairs. I cook every meal for DH. I fetch him ice for his drinks, his meals, and snacks (no tray due to table placement). I get him his towel and clothes for his shower, socks, boxers, and shoes included. I do his finger and toe nails as well as trim his beard and mustache. I do all of the dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, organizing, bill pays, taxes etc. I do all of the pet caretaking, as well. (3 dogs, a parrot, a tortoise, a cat, and a couple Beta fish)
> 
> I didn't even consider adding my total chores and duties as showing appreciation because I see it as my job. I'm SAHM. Other than working his job, why should he have to do anything? I was raised that a SAHM should have _everything_ but the actual for pay job under control.


Heck, my wife does everything you do except for the "weed whack", "trim his beard and mustache", and the pet caretaking (two cats - my daughters' responsibilities), and she works a full-time job as a teacher!

I am truly blessed!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> I do all the yard work. Mow, weed whack, rake, bag, broom. I also do all of the house and auto repairs. I cook every meal for DH. I fetch him ice for his drinks, his meals, and snacks (no tray due to table placement). I get him his towel and clothes for his shower, socks, boxers, and shoes included. I do his finger and toe nails as well as trim his beard and mustache. I do all of the dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, organizing, bill pays, taxes etc. I do all of the pet caretaking, as well. (3 dogs, a parrot, a tortoise, a cat, and a couple Beta fish)
> 
> I didn't even consider adding my total chores and duties as showing appreciation because I see it as my job. I'm SAHM. Other than working his job, why should he have to do anything? I was raised that a SAHM should have _everything_ but the actual for pay job under control.


My offer still stands.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Luvher4life said:


> Heck, my wife does everything you do except for the "weed whack", "trim his beard and mustache", and the pet caretaking (two cats - my daughters' responsibilities), and she works a full-time job as a teacher!
> 
> I am truly blessed!


You are! I like hearing of other women who do those things. I have actually been made to feel bad for it. No joke. I have been made fun of, had some unkind comments made to me, been accused of lacking intelligence and self-esteem, you name it. I have even been told I give women a bad name. 

What's really funny is the fact that I could probably run a small to medium sized company with my lowly SAHM skills.

I do the weed whacking because I am only person in the house than can operate it. Our weed whacker is...quirky. I refuse to replace something that isn't actually non-functional. If you jiggle the thingy, manually feed the string through every so often, and only use it on the highest setting, it's fine, dammit! :grin2:

I do his personal grooming because he can't make a straight line to save his life.

I do the parrot care because her diet is complicated and she has a beak that can easily crack bone. DH got nipped once when she was a baby bird and just learning acceptable beak pressure. The big wuss hasn't physically touched her since. He just croons to her and plays music for her from a foot or so away! The rest of the pets I handle when I do breakfast for the parrot and DH, so it's done before DH even gets up. Bonus: the dogs are all sleeping off their breakfast and don't try Jedi mind tricking us for ours.



Andy1001 said:


> My offer still stands.


IIRC, I'm too old for you and my daughters are too young!


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

it took a while for me to realise it : nothing.

Although if you ask them:
making food for themselves and the kids. (or often buying take out, with my money for her and kids).
keeping the house tidy in which she is living.
ignoring and refusing to enter the garage, which stores her spare stuff, and for some reason has accumulated most of my possessions.
staying in my house, letting me spend some of my earnings that I get paid from business and work.
giving some of my money (from my credit card) to the kids so they can buy me christmas and fathers day presents.
paying the bills for their domocile on time, after me telling her off because she got disconnected a couple of times and I had to pay the reconnection penalties. (I wasn't living there).
inviting me to the childrens' birthday parties.
agreeing to go out when I get theatre tickets for us, or take the family out as a special treat.
communicating to me that the children's school/camp fees require paying and she hasn't saved enough to cover her part.|
(first wife) agreeing not to secretly spend to the limit on our backup "emergency" credit card (but then doing it anyway - but it was for "gifts" to other people, not on herself, so didn't 
count..)

(this is all before they leave)


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> I do all the yard work. Mow, weed whack, rake, bag, broom. I also do all of the house and auto repairs. I cook every meal for DH. I fetch him ice for his drinks, his meals, and snacks (no tray due to table placement). I get him his towel and clothes for his shower, socks, boxers, and shoes included. I do his finger and toe nails as well as trim his beard and mustache. I do all of the dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, organizing, bill pays, taxes etc. I do all of the pet caretaking, as well. (3 dogs, a parrot, a tortoise, a cat, and a couple Beta fish)
> 
> I didn't even consider adding my total chores and duties as showing appreciation because I see it as my job. I'm SAHM. Other than working his job, why should he have to do anything? I was raised that a SAHM should have _everything_ but the actual for pay job under control.


You, my friend, are worth your weight in gold... and Karma. 0


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

aine said:


> Appreciation - is it actions, more sex, verbal? What does the W or SO do that to you specifically it shows she really appreciates you?


Most recently I told him 'Thank you for being an amazing husband' and kissed him.


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> That is a sadly low bar in a marriage.


The way I see it, I enabled it to happen over the course of just a couple of short years and have suffered this sort of existence for half my life as a result. As I approach middle age I find that the true battle is in myself in deciding whether I am a "glass half full" or "glass half empty" type of person and if it's acceptable to take liberties to try and fill the emptiness with creature comforts or if I should just do the full 180 and live with the consequences. Part of me sees that as a form of being unfaithful, but as the saying goes "if it's good for the goose..."


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