# Question about beginning of R



## honcho

Hello, I have a question and am hoping this is the correct section to post it. 

I havent seen or spoken to my stbxw since the end of May or even received a text since the end of July and I doubt I will ever speak to her again. My question I guess is more for people who have reconciled after long periods of non contact. What exactly did you say to get a dialog going again and not have a first talk or meeting just end up trying to fix or address problems instantly? Been trying to figure a good way to word it but it doesnt seem to come to me. 

I would think both parties are defensive, you have no idea what each other may have been doing for months, if you start to talk I would think each party would have to at least build a little trust again before you can actually talk about problems in marriage so there has to be small talk build a comfort level yet like in the case of infidelity, talking about what you have been up to for the last several months I would imagine make awkward conversation. 

If you have children I would think you would at least have a common ground, something to talk about get communication started but without, I mean its hard to talk just about the weather or each others jobs and at least for me the longer you seem to not discuss "the elephant" in the room, your marriage or divorce the more tense it becomes. 

My situation, I am pretty confident I will never actually speak to her again, our divorce proceedings are getting into the end stages of negotiating. But with couples that have reconciled at some point communication had to start, yet how do you start and not just start wherever you left off fighting months ago?


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## Cheshire Cat

Honcho,

You say you will probably never speak to you wife again but asking here about the possibility of reconciliation..

Do you want to reconcile with your wife? Do you want to not finalize the divorce and save your marriage?


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## honcho

My marriage blew up, and she has done everything in her power to keep it blown up. I do think saying I want to save our marriage no questions asked, Im all in is ludicrous. She has burnt so many bridges. I think she is having mental issues that are out of control and her actions back it up. Id like to be able to help her, she has driven everyone else away including me.

Im the type of person who asks many questions, you cant learn unless you do, I have come to terms long ago that I dont know everything and im probably not the smartest person in the room, at times anyway hehe! 

You need to least be able to talk to one another, get some type of dialog going I think before you can start to believe or even think about reconciling or am I wrong on that. I highly doubt that after say a year one party calls the other and say hey lets get back together or lets be friends. I dont know if Im asking the question right or not. People here who have successfully reconciled, whether that may be only to the point where they are friends or have repaired their marriages, what worked or how was it approached without getting yourself caught right back into issues that tore you apart in the first place. 

I dont know a single couple that after they seperated they ever got back together or even let the hatred and anger ever go no matter what the reason was.


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