# Do you and your spouse both have facebook?



## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Just wondering what it's like for those couples where both the husband and wife have facebook. I was reading some threads that made me wonder. And yes, I do agree there needs to be boundaries, but both have to agree to those boundaries.

Do you openly share each other's passwords? And if you do, do you just regularly get on there and check things out? It seems a bit weird. Like the fact that you're looking means you're suspicious. And if your spouse is hiding something and knows you have his/her password, then he/she will just be really good at deleting it all, right?! 

Do you mind if your spouse has ex's as their friends? I personally don't mind if they are just on their friends list and they do the whole catching up thing and then are done with it. But when it continues and turns into nightly chatting and occasional phone conversations it disturbs me. Am I wrong? 

Do you comment on each other's pictures and posts? This one bugs me a bit. I will comment on his mobile upload pics and status posts, but he never comments on mine. I post a sweet wall post and get not response. It makes me feel like he's embarrassed or something. He comments on other people's stuff so it makes me feel bad. I tell him and his response is that he sees me every day and I'm sitting across the room so he would just tell me stuff instead of writing it. But he is a night owl and often sees my posts after I'm in bed.

I kind of wish we could just both delete our facebook accounts. It's more hassle than it's worth. I enjoy it, for different reasons. He chats with all kinds of friends from his hometown. I have his password, but he deletes everything. Or stops being active and just chats so that there's nothing to comment on. So as to not offend me. It's just annoying. So trivial and not necessary. 

So, my question is, Does facebook cause problems in your relationship? Thoughts?


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

We both do her since 08' me since 09' neither of us use it much. For her it was because all of her family were on it for me it was to see where people of my youth had gone.

Neither of us are on it much and after the intitial "OMG how have you been" with everybody I don't even get on it neither does she....maybe once or twice a week for all of 5 minutes to see updated pics or what not.

It's hard to have a affair when you talk to each other all day, work for the same company, and want nothing more than to be together at night.

I can count on 1 hand the amount of times either of us has been "out" as in going out to bars or clubs without the other in the last 10 years...for no other reason then why would we want to not be together?

In fact last night we both said how much we've missed each other it's been 3 days since we were "together" and we watched a movie, drank merlot, and finished it off with a "bang" as all 3 kids slept out.

Like I've said before FB is just a tool if you're not looking for a affair it's no problem at all. FB is just one of many many affair starters the list is long, but if you're not looking then NO WORRIES!!


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

yes my husband and i both have facebook accounts, he has my pass word and i have his.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

I'm the one with the accounts. My SO doesn't even check his email. Sometimes he'll look over my shoulder while I'm on FB, but it's usually b/c I've remarked over something one of my kids has written. I will open up anything at any time, and he can have my passwords if he wants them. He hasn't wanted them to this point.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

We both have facebook; our relationship statuses indicate we are in a relationship with each other. I rarely comment on his stuff, or post something on his wall, but not often. He posts or comments on mine even less often. Mainly, for the same reason your hubby gave you: we're talking to each other all the time, so it seems rather pointless to comment or post on facebook to each other. Most of my comments on his are in response to other people, for example when his mom commented that she'd mailed him something that should be here by now, I commented to let her know it was, because I knew he wouldn't get to it and that way, she'd know. 

I don't see facebook as a problem in our relationship. We both have a couple of exes on there, but they are only friends and we both know that. If either of us was going to cheat, I doubt we'd do it someplace that we are both so open about our relationship.


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

We both have full access to each account... I every once and awhile comment to her... But it's all silliness... We don't worry about the past coming in to interfere... But we both believe in being forward people, and if we left someone behind... There was a reason... I'm not concerned with exes... We both don't believe somebody from twenty years ago is worth it... We only add new and now people and delete accordingly.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

social networking is the poison arrow of marriages!


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

I made similliar post about a month ago. We BOTH have FB, we both know each others acount passwords, but neither of us bother in spying. I don't give her a reason to spy, and vice versa. We went to the same HS, so we have alot of friends in commen. As for EX's... per my previous similiar thread, its a big no-no to me. I feel as though putting ex's as your FB friends are a violation of boundaries. You shouldn't be an IM away from someone you used to be intimate with. THe relationships that fall because of FB, are the ones where one person has reached out to an ex from HS/college. Now ofcourse i realize FB is just a tool, and it all is about how you use it... but it makes the slope a little bit slippery for those of us who are week.

In regards to posting on each others stuff. We both pretty much do this equally. You husband just may feel alittle weird doing it to you.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

gregj123 said:


> social networking is the poison arrow of marriages!


I think it's all about boundaries. If couples have boundary and trust issues, social networking is just another area for those problems to come to light.

My wife and I both have facebook accounts. She will use my computer sometimes and stay logged in on it, and I stay logged in on my computer as well sometimes. It's never been an issue. We're pretty open about what we're doing on those sites, and neither of us has ever given the other a reason not to trust.

We haven't had any issues with it, and we occasionally comment on each other's stuff.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

hate facebook !!!


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Secret Friend said:


> *But, seriously, social networking is for people who are not fulfilled in their own lives and relationships...*


So why are you on the Talk About Marriage social network then?


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Atholk said:


> So why are you on the Talk About Marriage social network then?


Took the words right out of my mouth.


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## sailorgirl (Jun 9, 2010)

Secret Friend said:


> *But, seriously, social networking is for people who are not fulfilled in their own lives and relationships...* because if you are truly committed, satisfied and fulfilled with your relationship with your mate - then you will see social networking as meaningless and you wont even have time for it because *you are completely lost enjoying a beautiful life with your mate.*
> 
> Wish you all the best!
> 
> Secret Friend


Seriously, if you feel that way why bother having friends in real life? 

I've had facebook for about 2 years. I have never been contacted by any ex-bf. Over half of the people on my FB are family members. My sister lives 800 miles away, we use FB to share pictures of our kids. I guess since I'm sharing pictures of our kids I'm not "completely lost enjoying a beautiful life with your mate..." 

The other half of my FB friends are real life friends, and people I know from Girl Scouts and an support group for moms of autistic children. 

I guess you are not in a good relationship either since you are on here and not getting lost in your beautiful life.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I don't have a FB, missus does though, more a family page really however, so we both have access. She's not really a net person.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Secret Friend said:


> Because me and my husband are passionate about helping others. We are not here because we need to make friends and are obsessed with always communicating with so called "friends" on facebook and such. Me and my husband have a ministry of helping people online and offline - thank you very much. What we like to do is give people our advice as a friend would. Thats all! Nothing wrong with extending an honest hand.
> 
> Let me further explain the statements that I made...
> 
> ...



FWIW, it might help your "ministry" if you wouldn't suggest that people are somehow "unfulfilled" in life just b/c they utilize a social networking site. Words like "unfulfilled" can be like waving a red flag in front of a bull. Just an FYI. Take it or leave it.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

We both have it and it's not an issue at all.
I know his password because he told me he has the same pw for everything.
He doesn't know mine because he's never asked and I've never mentioned it.
But if he asked, I wouldn't have a problem.
Both of us have exes as friends...well, i do but he doesn't have any exes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & my husband both have a Facebook account, but neither of us gets on it very much, it helps us keep tract of our College bound son & other kids too. A rarity for him to post anything. I post on my Wall once in a blue moon, but will post on others walls & such more often. 

We both know each others passwords. I have no concern over what woman friends he accepts and he has no concern over anyone I accept. No exs. I rarely ask for friends but let them find me. I have made a handful of friends from these forums even, nice to see a face. 

I prefer Forums more where people are asking questions & have a shared interest than the kind of stuff I read on Facebook day to day, I get bored with it. Then sometimes I might want to say something but worry that others may take offense to my comments, so I hold "my keyboard". I have always used the chat & email feature more than I post anything. I am big into sharing pictures though, I enjoy taking them & sharing memories with my friends.


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## MyDog8em (Apr 5, 2010)

Both have FB, both share each others passwords. Shes never checked mine as far as i know and ive never checked hers but she has me log in to put her yoville character to work occasionally when she cant. We comment on eachothers postings in the rare occaision we post something. FB isnt all that bad IMO, mainly family and old HS friends.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

MxRacer965 said:


> We don't ever tell each other that we love each other on our respective walls. Why would I do that when I could just tell her in person, or send her a text message, send her an e-mail, or send a message via facebook. Something a bit more private than just broadcasting on someone's wall. We do, however, occasionally say something like "I have the best wife in the world!" as a status update. Little different than posting directly to your husbands wall with "I love you!". That actually does kind of annoy me when I see some of my friends doing that. think about it, it's like standing in the middle of a crowded mall and yelling "I LOVE YOU!" to your husband for the whole mall to see and hear.


My daughter and her husband do this, and it just seems kinda strange to ME. Especially since I know he's in the same room as she is (they're both on mobile devices). I know their marriage is stressed right now, and when I read something like that it makes me wonder if something is REALLY wrong. Maybe I just worry too much.


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## Jenniferm (Jan 11, 2011)

I only have facebook and my husband looks at it evryday, I allowed him to do this, as our marriage is open in this regards. He is not the jealous type and doesn't see that much of a threat of some former colleagues or other male friends, so luckily there is no problem there. He asked me a couple of times to open him an account, but I just think it will tie him more to the computer as he is staying on it to much anyway, and anyhow, we have all our relatives and mutual friends on there and so he can use it anytime, He even posts some comments and music and I don't mind really.
I do agree that what one poster said that Facebook is a danger to marraiges espcecially with infedelity issues, so I think for those marraiges, avoiding facebook is really the best thin! ( If such thing is possible though)! Daily we see how many relationship shave trouble because of internet and socail networks!


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## kitkatmebk (Oct 16, 2010)

"But, seriously, social networking is for people who are not fulfilled in their own lives and relationships... because if you are truly committed, satisfied and fulfilled with your relationship with your mate - then you will see social networking as meaningless and you wont even have time for it because you are completely lost enjoying a beautiful life with your mate. Quoted from Secret Friend"

I've only posted once here on this board but this subject hit the nail on the head for me. My husband and I have our own FB accounts but I'm only on to look at my children and grandchildren's pics. That's about it. I don't comment or chat with anyone. I pick up my phone if I want to chat and connect. As for my H, he's a "Pro" at FB and chat rooms and stays on for HOURS!! Our marriage has been on the rocks for over 4 or our 5 yrs together. I just asked him last night to be transparent with his FB and other accounts as I am with him and he stated "I value my privacy and don't ever plan on giving that up". That may be the straw that broke the camels back for me. I caught him txting and calling a female a couple of months ago and brought it to his attention. At first he said it was none of my business. What?? Is he kidding. We haven't had any sexual intimacy or any other intimacy as a matter of fact for 4 yrs an on going. So, I asked myself and my therapist, why do I continue to stay in this dead relationship. It's both our 2nd marriage and I really thought this was the one to spend the rest of my life with. Sad and very disappointing. All I'm focusing on is getting my youngest daughter (from my first marriage) ready to graduate HS and prepare her for college. The second thing is taking care of myself and wanting to find some happiness in my life. I really don't trust anyone to chat with this outside of our marriage other than my therapist. I also know that my H is hooked on porn too. He also uses his webcam and chats with the girls online late at night. Makes me ill!! I'm at a huge loss of how to move forward with this relationship so I have been planning on how to tell my H I want a divorce and start that process. Any thoughts??????


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

I have a fb but husband doesn't. He doesn't care for things like that and + he's too busy with work and other things. I have it 'cause co-workers would tell me to sign up so I did. I rarely go on there...it's just people bragging about what they have or what they're doing or how big their family is.

...not really into that. I prefer this!


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## Heathy (Jan 20, 2011)

We both have facebooks and use it regularly. He uses his more than I do. We both know each others passwords, but we know each others passwords to everything. We never log on and snoop on the other. I'm friends with my ex on fb but he doesn't want to be friends with his. It's not an issue and I wouldn't care if he was friends with his ex and if he talked to her. I might be concerned if he was constantly talking to her, but then he is very social and is constantly talking to everyone...

He almost always comments on anything I post but I just realized that I rarely comment on his. I don't think he takes offense to it. It's nothing personal, just the way we are. He has to put his 2 cents in on everything and I just quietly listen. 

So yeah...no problems for us. I don't think facebook would be the problem but more of jealousy or trust issues within the relationship. If there are issues like that in the relationship then of course a social network would be a battleground, but not the war.


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## Nsecure (Jan 16, 2011)

This issue is the reason I joined this group. I have a "guarded trust" for my wife in our relationship. I know that she is honest (sometimes to a fault) and I'm not terribly concerned about infidelity, though it has been an issue for her in the past (and she was honest about that at the time). My issue now is, my wife will stay up late - sometimes all night - chatting with her friends on Facebook. Her friends are all female and gay male so I don't suspect she is trying to develop any kind of romantic relationship with someone else. But this still upsets me and makes me jealous. Every time I bring this up to her she gets upset and defensive and can't understand why I'm so upset. I want my wife to have her own sense of identity and her own friends, but I don't feel that this should come at the expense of our relationship. She has never been a very affectionate type, but during long stretches with no intimacy or affection whatsoever - I do get very upset when she seems capable of sharing her time with others long into the night while I sleep alone.


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## Jenniferm (Jan 11, 2011)

kitkatmebk said:


> "But, seriously, social networking is for people who are not fulfilled in their own lives and relationships... because if you are truly committed, satisfied and fulfilled with your relationship with your mate - then you will see social networking as meaningless and you wont even have time for it because you are completely lost enjoying a beautiful life with your mate. Quoted from Secret Friend"
> 
> I've only posted once here on this board but this subject hit the nail on the head for me. My husband and I have our own FB accounts but I'm only on to look at my children and grandchildren's pics. That's about it. I don't comment or chat with anyone. I pick up my phone if I want to chat and connect. As for my H, he's a "Pro" at FB and chat rooms and stays on for HOURS!! Our marriage has been on the rocks for over 4 or our 5 yrs together. I just asked him last night to be transparent with his FB and other accounts as I am with him and he stated "I value my privacy and don't ever plan on giving that up". That may be the straw that broke the camels back for me. I caught him txting and calling a female a couple of months ago and brought it to his attention. At first he said it was none of my business. What?? Is he kidding. We haven't had any sexual intimacy or any other intimacy as a matter of fact for 4 yrs an on going. So, I asked myself and my therapist, why do I continue to stay in this dead relationship. It's both our 2nd marriage and I really thought this was the one to spend the rest of my life with. Sad and very disappointing. All I'm focusing on is getting my youngest daughter (from my first marriage) ready to graduate HS and prepare her for college. The second thing is taking care of myself and wanting to find some happiness in my life. I really don't trust anyone to chat with this outside of our marriage other than my therapist. I also know that my H is hooked on porn too. He also uses his webcam and chats with the girls online late at night. Makes me ill!! I'm at a huge loss of how to move forward with this relationship so I have been planning on how to tell my H I want a divorce and start that process. Any thoughts??????


OMG, sorry to say this, but seems lik eyour husband has no respect for you, by what you are saying here. That is just complete nonsence how he can chat and do everything freely and he also knows that you know. I think you have to think of yourself and your selfdignity and move on. Life is too short to be treated this way!


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## FCHAVEZ (Jan 20, 2011)

I have a facebook...my hubby does not. If asked I would open up my acct at any time. My only friends are old friends and family.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

My wife has a FB account. I really don't see a need for one.

I don't have her password but whenever she needs to change pictures on it I do it for her so I could snoop all I wanted (if I knew how to )


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## LSU Fan (Dec 31, 2010)

Me and my W both have Facebook accounts and we know each other's passwords, but not because we asked but it just happens that way. We both play with each other's cell phones because of different games on each.


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