# Recently separated...



## Setadrift123 (Jul 5, 2020)

Hello, 3 weeks ago I found out my husband is having an “emotional“ relationship with another women. When confronted he says nothing happened, but to be honest they were one step away( I found a lot of their emails). She is currently married also. My husband and I are 46 and she is 30. I know my husband is having a midlife crisis or something cause when he got caught he literally blamed our kids (who are 24 and 21).
He said he is tired of being a pay cheque to his kids and doesn’t think he wants ”that” lifestyle anymore. To give a bit of history my oldest is moved out with girlfriend of 5 years and as I said giving us our first grandchild this month. My husband and I helped him in the past with vehicles but have never given him money for rent or food, our son does not ask for help but my husband assumes he does. When we found out we were going to be grandparents I was happy and excited but my husband was convinced he was going to be paying for his grandchild. My youngest 21 is currently in university and applying to med school next year and living at home. Him and his dad have had a bad relationship in this past year.
These past weeks have been an emotional roller coaster, he is currently in a hotel still talking to this other women but says it‘s me he misses, thinks about and lusts for but does not want to fight for his family....


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If you know who the other woman is then let her husband know.


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## Setadrift123 (Jul 5, 2020)

Andy1001 said:


> If you know who the other woman is then let her husband know.


I don’t know her


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

He wants to be free to see other people or at least free to see this one woman. Everything else he says (about missing you and lusting for you and all that jazz) is just lip service to keep you hanging on just in case it doesn't work out with her.

To blame the kids is ridiculous, but a person who wants to cheat so badly finds all kinds of things to blame. Usually, they blame their spouse. They change history and make up a bunch of crap to make it seem like their desire to cheat is the spouse's fault. A least he's not blaming you, but then he's trying to keep you dangling from his string, so he knows not to cause problems and animosity with you. The kids, on the other hand, are easy targets. He has to blame someone to keep from taking any responsibility for cheating.

You need ChumpLady.com soooo badly.

But I still think you may need to find out for sure if your son is asking dad for money that you don't know about. It's not uncommon for young adults to go to dad for help without mom knowing or vice versa. I mean seriously, if your husband is that delusional, you might question whether you really want him back and should be trying to convince him of how badly he needs medication LOL.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He’s saying that because you’re Plan B now (she‘s Plan A). If it doesn’t work out with her, he’ll be back. You‘ll have to decide if you want to accept that. 

R with a cheater is a tough road. You never trust again the way you once did (and you shouldn’t). You basically start over and create a new marriage. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Give some thought as to your next step.


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## Setadrift123 (Jul 5, 2020)

Andy1001 said:


> If you know who the other woman is then let her husband know.





Openminded said:


> He’s saying that because you’re Plan B now (she‘s Plan A). If it doesn’t work out with her, he’ll be back. You‘ll have to decide if you want to accept that.
> 
> R with a cheater is a tough road. You never trust again the way you once did (and you shouldn’t). You basically start over and create a new marriage. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Give some thought as to your next step.


i do not want him back to be honest, so for me divorce is the next step. Also just trying to process all my emotions but it can be draining....


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Then just file for divorce. Ask for everything. You’ll get some fraction of what you ask for.

but expect him to beg once he knows how much it will cost him. So be ready for that.

he’s got excuses - he’s interested in someone else. The least that weak man could do is to not blame others. This is only on him. He is the only one responsible for his crap behavior (which is cheating).


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