# Just needed to talk to someone



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Just when I think it's getting better, I fall into a puddle on the floor. It's especially bad on nights like tonight when the kids are gone. In one more week our daughter is leaving for college so it will just be my son and I, but he's at an age where all he wants to do is hang out with his friends. The loneliness is the worst part of separation. All I want to do is text my husband just to say hi, or I want to walk down the street a visit with him, both of which I don't do, but it's hard not to. On the one hand I want him to come back so badly, but when I think about him actually coming back to the marriage I get scared. It certainly could not go back to the way it was, but change is scary. I know there are a few things about myself that I need to change, but he would need to as well, like give up his online life which I don't think he'd be willing to do...it's that important to him. I just get so desperately lonely and I envision being alone the rest of my life. I am in NO hurry to be dating anyone right now, just my husband. This whole process is so overwhelmingly complicated and the rush of emotions is something I didn't realize I could feel all at one time. Does it seem that there's a divorce epidemic going on? I've learned of 6 couples that I'm fairly close to that are splitting up. Long term marriages too. What is happening?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's a year of rebellion/change (if you're into astrology)...Most of my friends are having marriage problems (no divorce though, except one).

I know the pain you are in. Do you have hobbies? Is there something you've always wanted to do? Now's the time.


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## AllyM (Aug 2, 2011)

I feel a lot like you do. The loneliness scares the hell out of me. I think that's why I haven't made the ultimate decision to get a divorce (separated for a year). Im scared to death both of being alone and not being able to afford living on my own. Sometimes its enough to make me just say forget it and have him move back in then I get afraid of getting back together because he hasn't changed at all. Its a nightmare which is why I get comfort in reading everyones post here. I hope you start feeling better soon.


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

Are you two talking? If so you should be in counseling. If you think there's a chance of saving your marriage I highly suggest it.


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## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

When the walls seem to be closing, I have started a load of laundry, went outside to pick the weeds, went for a 2 mile walk, went to the grocery store maybe just to look at stuff and only buy an apple and go to the library. I go there at least every other day. I know they are tired of seeing me. Also I just started going to church. I am not a spiritual person, but I find comfort there.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Thanks for the replies. Sometimes it just helps to know (even though I do know) that others a feeling the same way. AllyM, I understand EXACTLY what you are saying. Even though I wasn't the one to initiate the separation/divorce, now that we are separated having him comes back scares me because I feel like we'll just go back to the way things were, but the thought of being alone scares the heck out of me too. I have found though that if I don't dwell on the futuer and the thought of being alone and try to stay in the moment and keep myself busy, even if it is just like Upset/Confused mentioned to put in a load of laundry or some other busy work, it's not so overwhelming. Part of me wants him back so bad and then part of me believes we are where we are because we're not supposed to be together. All the emotions are very confusing still (It's been 55 days since he asked for a divorce and 19 since he left). Sprinter, we are still talking, like civil adults if you can believe it. He drops by often if he see's us out front. He'll stop and talk for a few minutes, the other night he saw me pulling weeeds and stopped to help. I think he mainly wants to visit with the kids (15 and 18) as we don't have a separation agreement put together and probably wont address "visitation" because of daughter leaving for college in a week and son being the age he is. Also, with husband living just a few houses down it seems kind of pointless to have a set schedule (son probably wouldn't adhere to it anyway being that dad lives in the neighborhood. I've asked him about counseling in the past, but he's not game. I think he's done with the marriage.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

sorry for the bad punctuation and spelling errors. trying to type these entries on the fly (at work)!


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## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

@Justabovewater. I hear you loud and clear. I am very close to your emotional stage as it has been 5 weeks since the word and 3 since he moved out. 

I wish he would attempt anything, counseling, some real work not just the time away to explore his other option.

We are about to move half way around the world from him. Not so easy to see your kids and talk about anything at that point.

I bought a separation kit and gave it to him, since we hasnt done anything towards getting us off this island. I do believe I will have to do all the work for what he wants. How fitting is that? He just doesnt want to think about it; just wants to over.

I am still searching for those perfect words to tell myself everyday to make myself a little stronger...I havent quite found them.

But dumb busy work stuff at least breaks the cycle even if only for a few minutes--at least for me


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## BooBoo (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi Just Above Water,
I can empathize with your feeling of being alone; it scares me too to think of having no one.
My husband and I are still together, but he BEGS me to leave because he is so unhappy. I know a lot of his unhappiness has to do with me and the decisions, or lack there of, I have made. I really just want him to be happy and I cannot do it. My past mistakes keep coming up in everything I do, and I am realizing no matter what, that they never will go away. I hate to say that, since I really do try to always have hope in my heart.

Just hang in there and know you are not alone. I don't know if you are a person of faith, but my only solace is knowing that I can always talk with God. Some people may think I'm crazy, but the spirit is always listening and it can give you some peace and help to sort things out.
God Bless -- -You are in my prayers.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I'm in the same situation. I have a feeling if I want to get this over with that I'm going to have to do all the work. Right now I am refusing. This is his baby. As far as I'm concerned, we'll just bumble along like we have been, life is still the same, he just doesn't live here anymore. All of our money is still together in the joint checking account so that I can pay the bills. Until he makes a move, that's how it will stay. We have nothing else to split up. He doesn't want the house, doesn't want me to sell the house. Wants us to stay here until son is out of school. Doesn't want any equity in the house when it is time to sell it, just wants out of the marriage...and a couple of knives of his. I'm trying to raise some money to get a separation agreement together so that he can't go back on his word about the house. I've never seen a do it yourself kit, where did you get that?


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## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi Justabove water...I searched the internet and this was one of the cheapest I could find. The others were between $150-300, so I thought I would take my chances and do most of the work. I will send it to you in a private message so that I dont break any rules here.

It downloads right onto your desktop and works with Microsoft word.:smthumbup:


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## manofhurt (Aug 12, 2011)

I have been seperated for 9 days and it seems 9 months, the lonly days and nights are real bad, thank god my son ( 20 ) is with me, I know how you feel, thoughts and thoughts can make you crazy, but try to paint, see a movie, paint your toenails, heck paint your pets nails what are they going to do,,, it sucks,, but you are not alone, but it seems like that,, hang in there


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

manofhurt-I'm painting walls! Started with the bedroom and bathroom, painted them a color husband didn't really care for. Now I'm starting with the rest of the house and painting every wall the same color. I just painted last summer in a color scheme that he wanted, but I hated. I was trying to compromise by letting him have it his way...for once!! Now that he's moved out it's going to be one color...of my choice! Sounds stupid, but it helps to keep me busy. As for the dogs nails, if he'd (the dog) sit still, they'd probably be a nice shade of lavendar! You hang in there too, we will get through this H*&&.


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