# it's over



## kiritia (Mar 10, 2013)

i discovered my partner of 10 years was having an affair 2 years ago. i tried so hard for a year for the sake of our 2 kids to make it work including going to counselling (he wouldnt) but i have finally decided i have had enough. they still communicate although the opportunity to see each other as often is no longer there. i have done my grieving for the relationship and it has taken me 12 months to decide that me and the kids are better off on our own. to my suprise he now wont move out!!!! he thinks i should just get over it. what can i do to help him understand that i no longer love or respect him and often feel anger when i look at him and although we are in seperate rooms feeling his presence in the house gets me down if he had a great relationship with the kids it might be different but he doesnt so i am really struggling to understand why he wont just go any advice would be greatly appreciated as i am now at the stage of getting lawyers involved which is an expence i can do without.......


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

Well, if he left the house then he would be guilty of abandonment.

Why not file for divorce?


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## kiritia (Mar 10, 2013)

thats the next step but i wanted us to try and sort out the division of assets before we rake up huge lawyers bills we dont have abandonment laws in nz it makes sense for him to move out me and the kids stay here and i give him a lump sum of money at least it makes sense to me!!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You cannot make him leave the home because it's his legal residence too. So the way to tell him that you are serious is to file for divorce and have him served.

Neither of you will have to leave the house until there is a court order for one of you to move out. That might not happen until the divorce is final.

Do you have a job outside the home?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ask an attorney what your rights are about having him move out.

Write up what you think is a fair settlement and give it to him. I'm not sure about things in NZ. But here in NM i could write up the entire divorce pakage and file it. He'd have 30 days to response if he did not agree with the porposed settlement. I would not need an attorney as the process is not all that complicated since we are not Bill Gates or even near that.

If you filed, he would then have to take it seriously.

Maybe if you give him the written up settlement you want and tell him he has 7 days to negotiate with you and if he does not you will force the issue with an attorney.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Elegirl, it's different in Australia and New Zealand, we cannot divorce or file untill we have been living a part for at least 1 year.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*LittleDeer* said:


> Elegirl, it's different in Australia and New Zealand, we cannot divorce or file untill we have been living a part for at least 1 year.


Ah... I read on one post that an in-house separation can count if certain things are documented. Perhaps the OP can check with an attorney just in case? If a 1 year separation is required, maybe there is a way to force him out now. 


Or she will have to move out.


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