# I need a guys opinion



## whatiswrongwithme (May 27, 2014)

Hi, this is my first post so I hope this makes sense. My husband and I have been married for 24 years - this is a second marriage for both. It's had it's ups and downs but basically has been good. He is a hard worker, almost to an extreme. He spends most every weekend working in the yards. We never do anything unless he wants to do it. We never go anywhere, If I mention doing something he says he has yard work to do..But if someone else asks him to do something - off he goes. He watches what I eat..If I get ice cream he has something to say about it - He seems to always have a comment about what I'm eating, when I'm going to tan, etc. I finally told him I'm not 20 and I'm not Spanish, if that is what he is looking for then I'm not the one. He is so about appearances, has a huge issue with people who are overweight. He is average weight, no 20 year old guy with a six pack or anything...but I love him for who he is.. anyway - then when I get upset over some of his comments he says he is just joking and I shouldn't take it so seriously.....am I over reacting>??:scratchhead: Also I am 55 and he is 63...I take care of myself and how I dress. I was 120 when we married and now am 140..I have never weighed this much but I'm getting older and I'm defiantly not overweight..I'm 5'6....He is constantly on me about my weight and what I eat and I am sick of it - when I call him out on it he says he's joking and I shouldn't get so upset. I've had guys ask me out older then me to 25 years old. I would never do that, but obviously there are guys out there who must not think I look too bad. Why does he make these comments and should I be offended or am I overreacting....also our sex life in non existent because I have no desire to have sex with him...What's going on here...


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Sounds to me like keeping up appearances is important to him whether it be the yard or your physical appearance. Although he follows up with "I'm joking" I believe he's in fact serious in his comments.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

your BMI for your height isn't overweight; it's normal, so tell him to back off.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Doesn't seem to want to spend time with you? Criticizes you but his criticisms aren't logical? Maybe he's harboring resentment for some reason that has nothing at all to do with your appearance but he knows that's your sensitive spot, so that's what he attacks. Sounds like he values work so he likely equates his own worth and those of others on those terms. Does he have some reason to believe you aren't sawing what he perceives as your share of the labor log? Do you work in the yard with him? If that's important to him and you would like him to value you more, might not be a bad idea. People do what works for them. If you get upset if he mentions food, that's the reward he was looking for. If he got no pay-off for saying these cruel things, he'd quit saying them. Nobody engages forever in behaviors that don't produce some reward.


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## whatiswrongwithme (May 27, 2014)

I work in the yard with him, I will take out the trash, because I know he puts in longs hours. I do the laundry, dishes, cook, shopping, run errands for him, work a full time job, , take care of the house. get his clothes out for him everday, do everything I can to make his life easier. He takes care of all of the outside things, the mowing, bushes, etc. and the cars. Also, when he was sick with cancer and off work for a year, I stayed home with him constantly, taking him to daily treatments, etc. I was at work long enough to return phone calls and that was about it. Also, until about last year, I took care of the trimming of all of the bushes and planting of all the flowers. He also suffers from ptsd due to his cancer. He goes in and out of moods and can have a horrible temper at times, but over the last few years that has gotten better.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

Is his behavior recent (e.g. comments on eating, not wanting to go anywhere) or has this been the pattern for the whole 24 years?


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## whatiswrongwithme (May 27, 2014)

pb76no said:


> Is his behavior recent (e.g. comments on eating, not wanting to go anywhere) or has this been the pattern for the whole 24 years?[/QUOTE
> 
> I guess it's been on and off like this for years...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Visexual (Nov 8, 2008)

There sure doesn't sound like anythingiswrongwithyou! In fact, you sound like a pretty darn wonderful wife!

And, honestly, if my wife asked me if I thought she was overweight..., I'd smile and say no, even if it were a lie. But, sweetie, 140 is not overweight!


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

whatiswrongwithme said:


> Why does he make these comments and should I be offended or am I overreacting....also our sex life in non existent because I have no desire to have sex with him...What's going on here...


Chicken or the egg?

Do you not have sex because of his attitude or is his attitude because you don't have sex?


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