# lack of sex after having a baby



## NewMom2BabyBoy (Apr 20, 2009)

During the last few months of my pregnancy, I found sex to be extremely uncomfortable and unenjoyable. It got to the point where I just laid there and waited for it to be over. If it was taking longer than usual, I would even start to make the sounds that dh liked to hear and that would usually speed things along. I don't remember enjoying it at past 7 months pregnant.

I only gained 14 pounds during my entire pregnancy so weight wasn't the issue - it just no longer felt good. And I never wanted it, it was always my husband to approached me. Up until that point we had a great sex life - usually 5 or 6 times a week. I figured that it was just a shift in my hormones and that things would return to normal shortly after our baby was born. Was I ever wrong.

Our baby is now 10 weeks old and we've only had sex once. I had my post-partum OB/GYN checkup when the baby was 9 weeks old and she cleared me to have sex again. So that night my husband was quite happy to give it a shot. I wasn't really in the mood for it but I figured that we might as well get it over with. Well I found it to be incredibly painful even with plenty of lubrication and I actually had a few tears on my cheeks. He asked if I wanted to stop but I said that it was better to just get through this first time. Needless to say, I didn't achieve any pleasure and I'm dreading the next time I see that look in his eyes. I just have absolutely no sex drive. 

During my pregnancy, I was the one that didn't think that I would be able to go the recommended 6 weeks without being with my husband. Now I would have no problem going another 6 months without it. 

Am I the only one who has ever gone through this? I've tried going through the other posts on here but it seems like they are all about the husbands not wanting to have sex anymore. Are there any women out there who just didn't feel the need for sex anymore after having their babies?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

NewMom2BabyBoy-

Of course this happens!
Here are 2 tips. 

Your hormones are low, but you can still give your libido a boost by thinking sexy thoughts. I don't know if you find your husband attractive, but if you do, then try fantasizing about him. It will be hard at first, but I promise it will work.

The other thing to do is use plenty of KY jelly.

Some men if they get rejected enough, go off sex with their wife altogether. That might seem like a great idea now, but trust me, you won't like it long term.

Just out of interest, are you saying that until just now you went 15 weeks without sex of any kind? Geeeez I would find that hard. I have never heard of this six week thing. We were doing it right up until the last minute. We had 3 healthy home births. Obviously, we were careful towards the end. We were told it's good for inducing labor!


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## NewMom2BabyBoy (Apr 20, 2009)

In response to mark;

I do find my husband really attractive and I love him with my whole heart. That's never been the issue. And I do realize that it's a hormone issue right now but I wasn't expecting it to last this long. And as for the 6 week thing - it's recommended that you wait 6 weeks AFTER giving birth to resume sex, or at least until the woman is checked out by her doctor to make sure that she is healing fine. I was the one who thought 6 weeks was too long. I figured that I want to get things going sooner than that. My husband was like - "No, let's wait the 6 weeks to make sure that I don't hurt anything on the inside".

My doctor's appointment got pushed off until 9 weeks, and even then I had no desire to start things again with my husband. Plus on top of that, I was still quite sore from the birth.

But thank you for your advice.


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## NewMom2BabyBoy (Apr 20, 2009)

p.s.

yes we've now gone about 3-4 months without any kind of sex. I found it too painful at the end of my pregnancy.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I felt I went 9 months without sex. After the birth, I felt even less desire, as I was busy recovering and being a mother.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

NewMom2BabyBoy-

Did you attempt to keep hubby going with cuddles/handjobs/oral, or are we talking no nothing?


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

If you're experiencing pain during intercourse and that's causing you not to want to have sex, that's something you need to talk to your OB about...if you are medically checked and cleared then you will know it could be a state of mind thing, especially if you experienced pain during the last trimester of your pregnancy.

You could be anticipating sex being painful and that can actually cause you to have pain...

Some of the issue is probably hormonal and there could also be some post partum depression as well.

Your first stop should be your OB...if that visit reveals nothing physically wrong...then maybe a night of being whined, dined and romanced would help some...relaxing and anticipating being pleasured instead of in pain may help.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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