# Do women need men to get mad at least sometimes?



## onceler1 (May 15, 2015)

I never get angry. Not in a testosterony way anyway, I just discuss issues in a very diplomatic way. That's beta male behavior isn't it. Sometimes I wonder if my wife wishes I would get pissed sometimes. Not to the point of hitting her but just be pissed or yell or something. Haha. Maybe not, I don't know.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

No. I hate mad. Men who can calmly discuss issues is sexy. Men who get all loud and angry are not. 

As soon as I see anger I feel less safe in general. Could be road rage or b*tching about a coworker but it makes my view of him less safety/protector. Any name calling, yelling. All that is beta, weak. 

And a man who is my safety and protector is the most alpha of all. He is a strong man in charge of his emotions. Doesn't get better than that


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Oh but one important thing to that- 
My bf would not yell or be rage-y or name calling people around me. He is calm and in control of his emotions. 
But if anyone ever tried to hurt me he would snap them like a twig. 

So in control = sexy but also keep as someone who could protect her if needed. 

Little things can help show this. My man is old fashioned in what side of the sidewalk he is on, always has my hand with his head held high, confident. Just shows by attitude and his presence that I am his and he will whoop anyone who tried to harm me. Unspoken, no macho man behaviour. Just quiet confidence. He's also a big guy so people are aleady intimidated when they see him so his confidence just boosts that up. 

He never gets angry or yells or name calls. No need to prove he's a big tough man. He just is. That is, to me, the perfect man.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> No. I hate mad. Men who can calmly discuss issues is sexy. Men who get all loud and angry are not.
> 
> As soon as I see anger I feel less safe in general. Could be road rage or b*tching about a coworker but it makes my view of him less safety/protector. Any name calling, yelling. All that is beta, weak.
> 
> And a man who is my safety and protector is the most alpha of all. He is a strong man in charge of his emotions. Doesn't get better than that


If only it was this easy  I'd have half the Kardashians chasing me.

Emotions - controlled - are healthy. What you describe is a guy with a flatline response. Always "in control". How @jld.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

onceler1 said:


> I never get angry. Not in a testosterony way anyway, I just discuss issues in a very diplomatic way. That's beta male behavior isn't it. Sometimes I wonder if my wife wishes I would get pissed sometimes. Not to the point of hitting her but just be pissed or yell or something. Haha. Maybe not, I don't know.


Mad is not alpha.

Mad is normally a secondary emotion of either being hurt or fearful. While being hurt or fearful in and of itself is neither alpha nor beta, losing control of ones emotions due to those feelings is far from alpha.

Now....

Does she try to get you mad?

Why?

Likely something is missing for her, so she is **** testing you.

Your job is to find out what is missing.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I don't think there's anything wrong with being angry, it's a natural emotion, for either gender. But, it's what you do with that anger that matters. Screaming, emotional abuse, name calling...nope. That stuff is not called for in any argument, but I tend to avoid conflict, in general which isn't good either. My husband likes to resolve disagreements right then and there as they're happening, I like to walk away and process things. He doesn't yell or anything, but I do know when he's angry over something, not necessarily with me. To not be able to share one's emotions as they're having them, won't allow for open communication, imo.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

onceler1 said:


> I never get angry. Not in a testosterony way anyway, I just discuss issues in a very diplomatic way. That's beta male behavior isn't it. Sometimes I wonder if my wife wishes I would get pissed sometimes. Not to the point of hitting her but just be pissed or yell or something. Haha. Maybe not, I don't know.


 My husband is the most laid back patient men ever and I love him for it. He never shouts or gets really angry and its a far cry from my first husband who was often angry, and me and the kids had to walk around on eggshells. 
If that is beta, give me beta any day. :grin2:


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

john117 said:


> If only it was this easy  I'd have half the Kardashians chasing me.
> 
> Emotions - controlled - are healthy. What you describe is a guy with a flatline response. Always "in control". How @jld.


He's not flatline really. He has emotions he is just very in control of negative ones. He can be angry without yelling, name calling, raising his voice, being intimidating. 

Jld husband is also a Dom I believe and those are qualities typical of dominant men so it's no surprise. Mine is a Dom as well. They need to have good self control before they can have control of anyone else. 
They need to have no anger or uncontrolled negative emotions of their sub simply wouldn't feel safe with him.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I find it a lot more productive to manipulate people, not control them. Control is too much work.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It's just not in Ol' Arb's psychological makeup to be, in any way, mad! The only time that I get really pissed is if someone is taking extreme measures in trying to hurt the feelings of someone that I deeply care for!

Which explains why the old fart is such an ardent, caring, and fastidious lover, as well as one of the best damned, cool and calm, interscholastic sports officials around!
*


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Anger doesn't sit well with me nor impress me, nor does it encourage me to do anything. 

Asking me will get results far better than telling or demanding, loudly or aggressively.

Being firm with me is another matter. That's what I know I need, because I can be headstrong and occasionally stubborn. Odo knows this and I find the way he handles me when I'm unruly to be very attractive. Likewise, I don't let him get away with any BS. We keep each other in check!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> No. I hate mad. Men who can calmly discuss issues is sexy. Men who get all loud and angry are not.
> 
> As soon as I see anger I feel less safe in general. Could be road rage or b*tching about a coworker but it makes my view of him less safety/protector. Any name calling, yelling. All that is beta, weak.
> 
> And a man who is my safety and protector is the most alpha of all. He is a strong man in charge of his emotions. Doesn't get better than that


I call people names in traffic but it is to make myself blow off steam and crack myself up. I have a terrible temper and have had to learn mechanisms to direct and control it.

I'm pretty easy going and friendly in person though.

It does make Mrs. C uneasy though and maybe I can train myself to do something else.

Thanks for the insight.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I get uneasy when a man gets mad. I'm sure it's because of a former physically abusive bf. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop when that happens. My current BF of 5 years is the perfect man for me. There are times where I can get pretty salty and I really appreciate how he can handle me during those times. Sure, he gets mad, but usually he lets me blow my top and he breaks the spell in one second when he riffs off a joke. He handles me with humor and I love that about him. But he can give as good as he gets- he can keep up with me so that's attractive to me. he doesn't just roll over. 

I don't think not getting mad is Alpha Behavior. I think it shows control and restraint and respect. But I will admit Sometimes I think it is a fine line because I also do not want a doormat as a partner.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I call people names in traffic but it is to make myself blow off steam and crack myself up. I have a terrible temper and have had to learn mechanisms to direct and control it.


Try these. They're plastered to my car with velcro, some near the steering wheel. I don't rage on the road, but I do smack these for satisfaction when I'm losing my patience. 





































This one is on the dash in front of my passenger seat, for Odo:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Satya said:


> Try these. They're plastered to my car with velcro, some near the steering wheel. I don't rage on the road, but I do smack these for satisfaction when I'm losing my patience.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


LOL! Definitely going to purchase me some buttons soon!!!>


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

I'm married to someone who's mad all the damn time, he's never not mad. There's never anything that can make him un-mad. If you try to point out that being mad is a waste or not warranted or unattractive or if you imply that being mad is a negative thing in any way he'll get even more mad.

So yeah, not alpha and not beta. Just childish and selfish.

To me alpha is a man that knows how to blend anger and reason to produce a reaction of firm control of both with the intent to resolve. No lashing out or throwing tantrums and no falling apart or running away.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

onceler1 said:


> I never get angry. Not in a testosterony way anyway, I just discuss issues in a very diplomatic way. That's beta male behavior isn't it. Sometimes I wonder if my wife wishes I would get pissed sometimes. Not to the point of hitting her but just be pissed or yell or something. Haha. Maybe not, I don't know.


What is beta male behavior? I mean, besides a load of bull. You say you don't *get* anger. That is different that getting angry and stifling it out of fear. 

Anyway who cares what women want? That is not answerable. Why don't you ask your wife what SHE wants?


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

I don't know what "women want" either, but I aim for assertive & resourceful. I think if you handle a difficult situation by abstracting yourself from the instinctive emotional response (whether or not you show it initially; we're all human) and channel your passion and intensity to lead yourself and others in a calm assured manner toward a mutually agreeable resolution, you inspire more confidence and respect than if you just melt down and make people afraid of the ranting, erratic hothead in the room.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

I want my man to be authentic.

You see, he is at his core a very good, solid man with excellent morals, value, work ethic etc. So if he is upset, happy, angry, sad, or whatever then the most healthy thing is to express that without having to suppress how he feels. Because he is a good, well balanced man then when he does get angry with something then it is all in context and he is able to express himself logically and without any confrontational type of anger.

To want to behave a certain way just because you think women will prefer that is being unauthentic.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Diana7 said:


> My husband is the most laid back patient men ever and I love him for it. He never shouts or gets really angry and its a far cry from my first husband who was often angry, and me and the kids had to walk around on eggshells.
> If that is beta, give me beta any day. :grin2:


This is my husband also... very laid back, always in control of his emotions.. Mr Calm....it's part of his over all temperament.. a Choleric personality would be more prone to being dominant, bossy & angry when things are going wrong - over a primarily Phlegmatic personality... 

There are surely times he will swear, like working on the vehicles.. I've probably seen him get the most angry at the kids - but even that wasn't heavy or threatening... I have never felt I had to walk on egg shells .. or fear anything I needed to bring to him...

I have referred to my husband on the Beta spectrum.. but I am one who doesn't see Beta as all that bad.. but necessary in every good man... 

These are Beta traits after all ...


> The *Beta Traits* are those associated with the strengths of being a nice guy / “family man”. Kindness, being a good listener, the ability to help with the children, dependability, thoughtfulness, compassion and patience. These all create a sense of comfort and safety for the woman, and relax her because she feels that if she became pregnant, the Beta Trait male isn’t going to abandon her and the baby.
> 
> *Beta *= comfort building = Oxytocin / Vasopressin = Pair Bond = Calm Enjoyment"


So Alpha Traits create attraction and that “in love” feeling, and Beta Traits create the pair bond and makes her feel relaxed enough to have sex. You need a balance of both Alpha and Beta in a marriage to maximize her desire to have sex with you.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *It's just not in Ol' Arb's psychological makeup to be, in any way, mad! The only time that I get really pissed is if someone is taking extreme measures in trying to hurt the feelings of someone that I deeply care for!
> 
> Which explains why the old fart is such an ardent, caring, and fastidious lover, as well as one of the best damned, cool and calm, interscholastic sports officials around!
> *


Don't forget modest!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I never get angry at home. Sometimes upset but never angry. My entire workweek is made up of 40 hours of conflict and I refuse to do it at home. I am guessing I am not the norm as my GF had commented several times about how I never got upset even from her past experiences with other guys she expected me to. I actually find people who are unable to control their emotions, even alittle , weak and would call that more beta than alpha. Not that I subscribe much to those definitions.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> I want my man to be authentic.
> 
> You see, he is at his core a very good, solid man with excellent morals, value, work ethic etc. So if he is upset, happy, angry, sad, or whatever then the most healthy thing is to express that without having to suppress how he feels. Because he is a good, well balanced man then when he does get angry with something then it is all in context and he is able to express himself logically and without any confrontational type of anger.
> 
> To want to behave a certain way just because you think women will prefer that is being unauthentic.


I think that if we can control things like anger then that's is positive. My husband doesn't supress how he feels, he just isn't any angry person. Having been married to a man who often got angry for 25 years, and having had a dad who also got angry a lot but in a different way, I wasn't prepared to marry another angry man.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

SimplyAmorous said:


> This is my husband also... very laid back, always in control of his emotions.. Mr Calm....it's part of his over all temperament.. a Choleric personality would be more prone to being dominant, bossy & angry when things are going wrong - over a primarily Phlegmatic personality...
> 
> There are surely times he will swear, like working on the vehicles.. I've probably seen him get the most angry at the kids - but even that wasn't heavy or threatening... I have never felt I had to walk on egg shells .. or fear anything I needed to bring to him...
> 
> ...


Beta sounds brilliant to me. :wink2:

My husband is a typical Aussie, so laid back he is almost horizontal. In 12 years he has probably only slightly raised his voice half a dozen times, and that wasn't really anger as I have known it in the past. :smile2:


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> I think that if we can control things like anger then that's is positive.


I agree, and a year ago I would have vigorously agreed. Now I merely agree with a slight refinement. I would use the word manage more than control. Often, or maybe this is just me, control meant suppress. Where manage means learn to express in productive ways.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

Male anger scares me. My husband is one of the least-temperamental people I've ever met. He's short and not physically imposing either. Gentle as a kitten. But the rare times when he gets frustrated enough (usually at a programming glitch he's trying to iron out) to start swearing under his breath, I tell him I'm so sorry his code is being unruly. And then I dart into the bedroom and under the covers and stay there, like a terrified child. 

I have no logical reason to be intimidated by him. He's not physically threatening. He's never, ever shown aggression, physical or otherwise, towards me. He's never cold, snappish, sarcastic, or usually even vaguely disapproving. Yet male anger scares me, and I have an overriding instinct to physically leave the situation. 

In other words and in short, goodness no, women do not "need" their men to get angry with them once in a while.


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## Kryptonite (Sep 26, 2017)

What if the wife just wont calm down or let things rest for a minute and the mans patience is gone. He's has had enough and cannot resolve or appease the storm. I personally just shut down and wont respond and usually just move to another better place like with my animals or into my man cave. Sometimes that didn't work she would follow me and continue to spew her hate. I would just leave for a drive so I could control my anger and cool off. Can only describe it as somebody that wanted Blood for what ever the issue was.


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