# Ladies, what are you needs?



## Visual (Apr 12, 2013)

Please list your needs from your HB? I am trying to see if there are some common needs that a wife want from the HB.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A good source for this is the book "His Needs, Her Needs".


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Logic, wisdom, humor, calmness amidst the storm, gorgeous broad shoulders, hot sex often, religious, a sweetness shown to me when we pillow talk....and if I am crying.....I think I have the perfect guy.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Admiration, Affection, Sexual Pleasure, respect and honesty.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Here are what is often defined as the top ten needs for each spouse in a marriage. The trick is for each spouse to rank them in the order of importance FOR THEM.

Affection
Sexual Fulfillment
Conversation
Recreational Companionship
Honesty and Openness
Physical Attractiveness
Financial Support
Domestic Support
Family Commitment
Admiration


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Here are what is often defined as the top ten needs for each spouse in a marriage. The trick is for each spouse to rank them in the order of importance FOR THEM.
> 
> Affection
> Sexual Fulfillment
> ...


This is a good list although for me personally I would take off financial support and family commitment.

I will add sexual desire to the top of the list. I have to know that he wants me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Holland said:


> This is a good list although for me personally I would take off financial support and family commitment.
> 
> I will add sexual desire to the top of the list. I have to know that he wants me.


That's what the list is for, for people to customize to their own view points.


A long time ago I thought that financial support was not an issue with me as I work and make a very good living. But after years of a husband who never went back to work after being laid off I realized that it was important to me. For me the "financial support" need is not that I need someone to support me. But I need a partner/spouse who does something productive. Playing video games and web serving all day is not something I can live with. Generally in our society, when a person is productive they earn a living being productive. Live and learn I guess.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I agree with you Ele.

For me, being in a post divorce relationship and being a financially independent person I view "financial support" differently than when married.
I don't need financial support but I sure cannot live without financial equality. He had to be on a similar financial level to me.
Having a strong work ethic is a must, I would never seriously consider a man that did not have that. Not because I want his money but because a lazy man with a weak work ethic is the bottom of the dating pool, I could not respect him or have any desire to have a committed sexual relationship. I could have casual sex with a man like that but it would just be sex, never anything serious.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Visual said:


> Please list your needs from your HB? I am trying to see if there are some common needs that a wife want from the HB.


Space.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I really feel "*His Needs / Her Needs*" is one of the finest books on the market ... if both partners are self aware enough to understand the foundation of marital harmony and walk in these precepts...that will keep the love and pleasing alive in us...towards each other..... determined to get through everything together -not fearing conflict but finding it an opportunity to grow deeper & closer ...


I think I have Sexual Fufillment... Honesty & openness...Affection ... Conversation .... and Family Commitment all wrapped up into #1 ...I need Attractiveness too darn it.. and Admiration...(we all want to feel our spouse's #1 -this is about validating each other )....

Great thread here on this *>>* http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/39565-validating-your-spouse.html

...but I also need his Financial Support..(not a career woman here, but a SAHM...this is what he wanted and really so did I ).... 

I don't need Domestic support at all (that's my domain) ...the Recreational Companionship...doing things together...well heck that is BIG too!!

Yeah.. I need a good 9 of them.. 

Also I really revel in a man who is Romantically geared..(I don't mean flowers , cards & jewelry but a man who is in touch with his sensitive side towards his wife & not fearing to show this openly..... mine enjoys watching Chick flicks with me.. this has to be rather rare...laying around together in each others arms is very bonding....and it's not for brownie points, he just enjoys watching movies with me...

And a sense of humor that can take near any situation and we can JOKE about it...this too is like a need....it helps us get through the harder times..


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## tinybuddha58 (Mar 29, 2014)

the thing that first attracted me to him and still does to this day is that we have our own lives. We give each other lots of space and this keeps me always craving it. As soon as an individual starts overcrowding me I just want them gone!
2) Sex 
3) Affection
4) Sacrifices


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Sex
Affection
Words of affirmation
Kindness and compassion
Respect my need for occasional solitary pursuits


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Love and affection
Emotional support
Great sex
Loyalty to me
Trust
Honesty
Reciprocity
Equal partner in the marriage


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> That's what the list is for, for people to customize to their own view points.
> 
> 
> A long time ago I thought that financial support was not an issue with me as I work and make a very good living. But after years of a husband who never went back to work after being laid off I realized that it was important to me. For me the "financial support" need is not that I need someone to support me. But I need a partner/spouse who does something productive. Playing video games and web serving all day is not something I can live with. Generally in our society, when a person is productive they earn a living being productive. Live and learn I guess.


Freud said the only two things that matter to a person are work and love. Work ... that which engages your passions and supports a sense of purpose. Love ... the emotional connection at different levels with those people in our lives. 

To refuse to engage your passions is to deny some aspect of your basic purpose ... your basic humanity. We are not here to engage in distraction as a primary activity. Some level of distraction helps us cope with the complexities of modern life. Gandhi recognized this tangentially when he said one of the greatest sins is "Wealth without work". The failure to engage in life is to have avoided living.

A MLC crisis is an opportunity to redefine our sense of purpose... Perhaps from parent and nurturer to something more personally autonomous.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

It's tedious to list all of my needs.While in most areas of life I am not needy at all,when it comes to my marriage I'm a needy soul indeed

I'll just say the two things I need the most: Patience and understanding.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Coffee Amore said:


> Love and affection
> Emotional support
> Great sex
> Loyalty to me
> ...


What constitutes great sex? Im really curios.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Great sex is a must have here, not having it is a deal breaker.

What it means to me is sex that comes from deep desire, he wants me and I want him. It can be slow and sexy, wild and passionate, dirty and naughty. Sex here is not formulaic it is spontaneous in the actual act but it is a given that it is going to happen. Because we do have sex a lot I like to keep things flirty and a bit naughty during the day so sexting is part of our day.

Great sex for us lets both of us be free to be who we are and safe to talk about what we want. It includes lots of oral, toys, dirty talk, watching porn. Mostly great sex is when the desire to make the other happy is on par with finding our own happy place, it is balanced.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I find one thing missing from the ladies in this thread.

Size

And I have a feeling that is on a needs list as well.....how many women here would be with a guy that met ALL of your needs listed but had a 2 or 3 " penis?

:scratchhead:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DoF said:


> I find one thing missing from the ladies in this thread.
> 
> Size
> 
> ...


Once dated a guy like that.He's was really awesome but his penis was so sadly tiny I felt an overwhelming sense of pity for him constantly. I was young and didn't understand I could be pleased in other ways so I broke it off with him stating lack of chemistry as the problem. 

I don't need a big giant **** but it has to at least be average in length and girth.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Along with the list Eli gave:

Everyone has their own love language, which is definitely a need. Have her take the "5 Love Language" test. You can access it on line. There is also a book you can buy that helps to understand them better.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Once dated a guy like that.He's was really awesome but his penis was so sadly tiny I felt an overwhelming sense of pity for him constantly. I was young and didn't understand I could be pleased in other ways so I broke it off with him stating lack of chemistry as the problem.
> 
> I don't need a big giant **** but it has to at least be average in length and girth.


I understand.

So one can say "size" should be on your "needs list".....and chances are, many other women in this thread.

hehe

:rofl:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DoF said:


> I understand.
> 
> So one can say "size" should be on your "needs list".....and chances are, many other women in this thread.
> 
> ...


As I said in my original comment,I'm a needy gal so I just listed the first most important needs. Penis size,now that I'm more mature and sexually versed,is very low on the list but yes it's still on there somewhere.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Sex is the top of the list for me. Romantic gestures. Acknowledgement. Intellectual stimulation/conversation.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> As I said in my original comment,I'm a needy gal so I just listed the first most important needs. Penis size,now that I'm more mature and sexually versed,is very low on the list but yes it's still on there somewhere.


Importance/priority is one thing, but one can say that if size is small......rest is completely irrelevant ehh?

It's one of those not important but very important.hehe


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DoF said:


> Importance/priority is one thing, but one can say that if size is small......rest is completely irrelevant ehh?
> 
> It's one of those not important but very important.hehe


I'm not sure how else to explain it to you. When I was young and inexperienced it was a dealbreaker.Now that I'm older and understand sex more,it's not a deal breaker but I prefer an average size in order to feel satisfied. I imagine if I was in that situation,I would make my decision case by case depending on the man.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'm not sure how else to explain it to you. When I was young and inexperienced it was a dealbreaker.Now that I'm older and understand sex more,it's not a deal breaker but I prefer an average size in order to feel satisfied. I imagine if I was in that situation,I would make my decision case by case depending on the man.


Here is what I'm hearing

Even though I'm more mature, I'm still young at heart.



You approach/thoughts are certainly more mature/woman like.....


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Holland said:


> I don't need financial support but I sure cannot live without financial equality. He had to be on a similar financial level to me.
> Having a strong work ethic is a must, I would never seriously consider a man that did not have that. Not because I want his money but because a lazy man with a weak work ethic is the bottom of the dating pool, I could not respect him or have any desire to have a committed sexual relationship. I could have casual sex with a man like that but it would just be sex, never anything serious.


 Do you need a similar financial level, work ethic or both? That is, if he had a very high work ethic, but because of his career choice made multiples less than you, would that still be a problem?

Just trying to understand this, so I hope this does not come across as judging or the like.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DoF said:


> Here is what I'm hearing
> 
> Even though I'm more mature, I'm still young at heart.
> 
> ...


:scratchhead: ok then...


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Sorry, wasn't trying to be judgmental or anything alone the line.

Nothing wrong with anything you wrote.....


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

DoF said:


> I find one thing missing from the ladies in this thread.
> 
> Size
> 
> ...


One of my favorite partners EVER was TINY. But boy was he enthused. Fricking rock star.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Laughter
Radical honesty
Companionship 
Sharp wit
Quality time 
Sexual intimacy 
Altruism
Gummy bears

In that order.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

DoF said:


> I find one thing missing from the ladies in this thread.
> 
> Size
> 
> ...


Penis size would never be on my list. I've never run across a penis that was too small to be pleasurable for me. And I have run across a few that were attached to men who weren't good lovers, so despite whatever penis size they had, it wasn't good sex.

Don't know about the 2 or 3 inch penises - I doubt there are many in that range to be worried about. Still, some of the most sensitive nerve endings in the vagina are about an inch or two inside, so I think even that would work out fine. 

I only have clitoral orgasms, though, so maybe others would have more of an issue with it.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

A quiet self-assurance and love for himself.

A deep sense of honesty and personal integrity.

Playfulness, lighthearted and FUN spent doing things together.

Respect.

Frequent, quality sex with a lot of foreplay and playful flirting and teasing in between.

Security: 1) He has a job that pays his bills and doesn't waste money frivolously, 2) He is okay with being the sole provider when the kids are babies, 3) He has "man skills" and knows his way around a tool box, and 4) is protective of me and the kids.

Quality conversation every. single. day.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

My needs? My husband. I cannot define him. Put him in a box. He is just perfect for me.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> My needs? My husband. I cannot define him. Put him in a box. He is just perfect for me.


Awwwwwww!!!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Thound said:


> What constitutes great sex? Im really curios.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know it when you have it. You don't have to ask if it's great sex. You know and feel it. 

I've had bad sex too, so the difference is quite obvious. It's not just having an orgasm..it's the enthusiasm, the passion, the intimacy, the feeling that he wants me as much as I want him...that all leads to great sex.


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## Notthatgreat (Apr 10, 2014)

Love and affection
Emotional support
Loyalty 
Trust
Honesty
Words of Affirmation
Sex life full of variety and spontaneity.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

Fulfilling, adventurous, passionate, mind blowing, sex. 

Cuddles, kisses, hugs, hand holding, date nights ! , i love yous, consideration, baby talk for fun, deep meaningful conversation, laughs, cries, open arms and ears. Understanding.

Connection. 
<3


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Conversation
Emotional Support


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

Reasonably good communication and an enthusiastic, passionate and horny man in the bedroom who loves to give head. Not necessarily in that order.

In short, a cunning linguist


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I love a funny man....my funny man....and a lot of sex


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

and no farting in bed, right?


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

kilgore said:


> and no farting in bed, right?


Well not during sex anyway . If ya gotta, ya gotta though. :moon:What to do?


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## wowzer (Aug 11, 2012)

Admiration. And not admiration on physical looks. I want admiration for the PERSON I am. I am smart, honest, loyal, organized, hard-working. I want someone to know the real me, and care about me as a person. The rest will come naturally.


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## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

Sex
Kind
Loyal
Sex
Someone who likes to be nutured
Calm & Peaceful
Sex
Good Father, Brother, Son
Highly Intelligent
Sex
Funny...very funny
Sex
Very, very Attentive
Quick witted
Sex
Thoughtful
And lastly, has to really want to have a lot of sex.

To me, penis size doesn't matter....as long as its not small.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Visual said:


> Please list your needs from your HB? I am trying to see if there are some common needs that a wife want from the HB.


Integrity, honesty, ownership.

Enthusiasm, encouragement, energy.

Strength, vulnerability, moral courage.

Confidence, humor, ability to see the bigger picture.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

Thound said:


> What constitutes great sex? Im really curios.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not bad sex.

Oh, you're welcome.


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Once dated a guy like that.He's was really awesome but his penis was so sadly tiny I felt an overwhelming sense of pity for him constantly. I was young and didn't understand I could be pleased in other ways so I broke it off with him stating lack of chemistry as the problem.
> 
> I don't need a big giant **** but it has to at least be average in length and girth.


yeah, no woman hopes for a small penis, from what i understand


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

I've never really thought too much about penis sizes. I think I'd prefer a below average size to a gargantuan one. However that would be my last consideration though. I'm more interested in the character of the man.

Kilgore I just saw your pic on your profile page and I have to say I understand your comments in the Trimmed, Hairy thread a lot more now.


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

FizzBomb said:


> I've never really thought too much about penis sizes. I think I'd prefer a below average size to a gargantuan one. However that would be my last consideration though. I'm more interested in the character of the man.
> 
> Kilgore I just saw your pic on your profile page and I have to say I understand your comments in the Trimmed, Hairy thread a lot more now.


Fizz - i think you're in the minority (or maybe the silent majority).

LOL, I am hairy, though tbh that is not actually me. i wouldn't have the balls to post that of me. what did i say in that thread, i forget?


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

kilgore said:


> Fizz - i think you're in the minority (or maybe the silent majority).
> 
> LOL, I am hairy, though tbh that is not actually me. i wouldn't have the balls to post that of me. what did i say in that thread, i forget?


So, just some random guy's hairy legs, huh? (Last one to Kilgore's profile page is a rotten egg!)

I think you may have said something about going au naturale in that particular thread :scratchhead:


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

FizzBomb said:


> So, just some random guy's hairy legs, huh? (Last one to Kilgore's profile page is a rotten egg!)
> 
> I think you may have said something about going au naturale in that particular thread :scratchhead:


oh, right. yes, i am very reluctant to do that.

you were pro-trimmage, right?

regarding your earlier post, i think the connection to the person deepens over time, becomes most important. though, i guess you have to have the initial lust to get there


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

and random dude is better than me

especially after i posted my hairy ass and i got chastised


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Hey, hey Mr K you did not get chastised by you pic....I remember is fondly...details and were in social...and you joined us....and then we (me) continued to question your arse...


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