# Where do I go from here



## plumcrazy (Sep 26, 2011)

My Husband and I have been married for 4yrs. 
He and I are of two different minds what it means to be a couple. Within 6 months to a year after we wed I was laid off from a very good paying job. I came into the marriage with some credit card debt which I never hid from him but within two years I had paid it all off. He makes a very decent 3 figure salary and has absolutely no debt except the household normal debt. I took a job that pays a 1/4 of what my last employment paid and have had to turn to my credit cards to pay medical bills and buy myself groceries. He has purchased two boats, a Harley, and numerous other toys. Recently, we took the boat to the lake for him to try it out, on the way back he stopped to put gas in it and get gas for the lawnmower, but neglected to put any in my truck that I drive to work. This upset me terribly because he knows my financial situation. I spoke up and said aren't you gonna put any in the truck and he put in 3 gallons. He continues to tell me how good he is to me and if we try and discuss anything about finances he say's Im like a liberal and I hate the fact he has money and toys...wasn't there suppose to be a "we" after the marriage? I am the type of person that would never watch someone struggle and ignore there suffering,especially family! He is a decent, intelligent man and his co-workers think highly of him. I feel he is more for show and deep down he resents anyone or anything that comes with a financial cost to him. He was married once for 10yrs. then single for 10yrs. He is very set in his ways and thinks I have issues and he is doing all he needs to do as a spouse because he provides me with a roof over my head and insurance on my car, for which I am grateful! He is in his 50's and I in my 40's, we do absolutely nothing together, his idea of a good evening is to sit and watch t.v. with a ****tail after 8pm. No phone calls and no interruptions! He doesn't believe in vacations for the two of us, say's it's money thrown away, he has to have something tangible to show for his money. I feel like all the vodka he drinks is throwing money away but that is his enjoyment and he refuses to give that up. Our sex life is also another issue, Im sure the drinking has quite a bit to do with that. O.k. I guess this is enough for starters....any advice?


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## JrsMrs (Dec 27, 2010)

I'm with you- I think couples should have joint accounts and one money pot. Just because one person makes more, doesn't mean they should get more toys or fun. I think in a partnership, money is 'ours.' 
But not everyone feels that way, and of course they have a right to a different opinion. This is definitely an expectation that should have been settled before the wedding. As they say, money is the number one reason for divorce. Sorry, I'm useless for advice right now...


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