# help....



## bec26 (May 29, 2009)

ok so here is my story

warning.....this will be long

my husband nd i have been together for 4 years married for 2
we have 3 kids
Kayla 6yrs (mine from a previous relationship, doesnt know her real father has always considered damian her dad)
Paige 2yrs
Zoe 10mths
im 7wks pregnant with #4

we moved in with my mum in feb as we are building a house so we could save money.

damian and my mother have never gotten along
anyway thing hit boiling point on the 16th may (saturday) and damian moved back into his mums place

he decided to go out drinking with his brother
my birthday was the next day 17th may (sunday)

anyway i was getting txts every hour or so from him telling me he loved me and missed me and to relax and he would have a special day planned for me the next day. he was supposed to be coming and staying back at my mums place for the night so we could spend my b.day together

anyway next thing i know i get a txt from him saying he was gonna stay at his mums and that we needed to talk...
i tried to call him but he kept hanging up on me

he sent me a fe more txts that didnt really make sense cuz he was soooo wasted
but they were along the lines of i dont think i love u anymore...been feeling this way for a while....if it wasnt for the kids i would have left already....

then he rang me at 3am and pretty much said he was done and he was sorry but he loves me but is no longer IN love with me....
he was sorry he did it on my b.day but cuz he was drunk he had the balls to do it and so on

i was/am crushed

he rang me again at about 4pm (17th) once he woke up
he didnt remember the phone convo...but remembers txting me

he said we needed to meet up to talk about it, so at about 730pm i went ot his mums and went to go out for dinner but i was a mess i couldnt barley breathe so we went and sat in the car and talked

he said he loves me and he just doesnt feel IN love
he said he doesnt feel much of anything cuz he works so hard and carries the complete financial load yadayadayada
(i carry the comlpete household and children load plus im studying)
damian is a work-a-holic and buries himself in work i have tired to get him more involved with the family and friends (inviting friends over for dinner and stuff)

we have started marriage counseling once a week and its gong well.

we have gone out for dinner together and its been nice too

he says he loves me and it hurts him that i am hurting but he thinks he needs to feel more than hat he does....

i am no longer head over heels IN love with him....but i love him because he is my husband the father of my kids and my partner....the counselor has said that i have made the transition from a new relationship kind of love to a mature love but damian has not....
that if he always wants that rush he will only go from relationship to relationship till those IN love feelings go.

damian said that he kind of understands that but still believes he should feel more than he does

he still txts me telling me he loves me calls me from work on his breaks

when he comes and visits he kisses, cuddles and tells me he misses me initiates sex (which has always been great in our relationship)
he says its cus he always has been/is very attracted to me

he wants to work on things and move into our house (once its built (sometime b4 xmas)

we are going away to sydney for a night just the 2 of us on the 20th june (he suggested it)

he wants to do whatever it takes to fall in love with me again....but there is no garentee that he will

he says he has been feeling this way for a year but didnt say anything cuz he didnt want to hurt me and wanted to try and fix it by himself cuz it was his problem not mine

im trying to stay positive but i dunno whats gonna happen
the kids miss their daddy so so so much

i have good days and bad days some days i think it will all be fixed and we will be stronger cuz of all this then other days i feel there is no hope

my heart is shattered

if it wasnt for me/our relationship damian would still be living at his mums place smoking pot n a dead end job with no hope and none of the things we have worked so hard together to achieve.

i always had to make him get up in the morning make him shower and brush his teeth.....he is working on doing that all himself while at his mums because he wants to

i just dont know what to think/feel/do


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I'm so sorry, girl. And on your BD! That's just wrong. Hang in there, we're here for you (and for each other)!


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## bec26 (May 29, 2009)

what do u mean?
what is just wrong?


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Not honoring your birth day.


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## bec26 (May 29, 2009)

yeah i know i dont know if i can ever get over that =o(


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I know...I never forget those kind of dates. Sounds like he's an a$$hole...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

You should have spent your money on birth control
and gotten situated as adults in your own place before
having more kids.
That you live under your parents roof, you have to respect their wishes and he does too.

Not to mention you married a guy who is a pot head. I don't know what good you expect to come from this but it looks like you made some really bad choices.
At this point, the best advice you may have or get is to prepare to be a single parent and start things in motion to work...
get child care in order because it looks like your going to be 
raising your kids alone. It may work out best that way too. He sounds like a child and only going to cause grief in your life.

Looks like you tried to base a relationship on sex and did not consider the man. Hey guess what, lots of guys can F' good....
and you need to stop basing a relationship on sex...
because it doesn't turn out well if you do.

Not to be rude, just being real about it.
ps, get on some good birth control.


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## bec26 (May 29, 2009)

preso said:


> You should have spent your money on birth control
> and gotten situated as adults in your own place before
> having more kids.
> That you live under your parents roof, you have to respect their wishes and he does too.
> ...


wow u are not a very nice person....i came to this site for support not something like that...
my husbands and my relationship was in no way built on sex...
we were together for a good while b4 we even had sex...
we over time have had a communication break down, as my husband works alot and i get so busy with the kids...
the BC comment is just plain rude!! its is none of ur business that we dont use any.....we are married we chose not to use BC. that was our choice...if i had of known that this situation was going to happen, i would have made sure that another baby didnt come into the picture!

my husband quit smoking pot over 3 years ago. 

thanx for all ur help!!!!!
or lack of it


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

:iagree: with you bec. Sometimes people may feel as though they are giving advice, but judgement is what we receive. The judgement and birth control comments were harsh and out of line in my opinion, but don't let it get to you. It's no one's business but yours and your husbands.

I understand that you are living with your parents because you are building your house, and rather than rent something in the short term, this situation is more feesable. That makes sense. But it is also hard on a marriage. Right now I think you just have to do the best you can. Continue to stay strong. I know it's easier to say than do, but try not to stress too much. Take care of yourself and your pregnancy. Stay positive that this is just a tough time and a bump in the road. Continue with therapy and dates with your husband. Hopefully he won't drag this out.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

It would probably be really helpful for him to get some individual counseling, too, b/c he will run from relationship to relationship if he doesn't learn to accept that love changes over time. That's his problem in the long run, of course, but it is also creating a problem for you now. Sounds like he really wants to do the right thing and try to make the marriage work, which is great. But develop your own life and source of income, too, so you will never be "stuck" if he decides, eventually, to move on. Good luck! And congrats on the pregnancy.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I mean no disrespect, but im inclined to agree with Preso. I know her posts can be pretty blunt, and maybe a little crude at times, but she makes a good point. You are not the best when it comes to picking men. If you cannot come to terms with the fact that you are not the victim in this then it is your children that will keep paying for it. "Reprove a scorner and he will hate you. Rebuke a wise man and he will love you."


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