# I don't know what to do



## Always Crying (Sep 5, 2012)

*Ok so our marriage has seen its fair share of ups and downs but it seems lately the downs are growing. We've been married for 6 year, we have 2 kids together (2 boys 2yrs and 5 yrs) and he has a daughter (7 1/2yrs) that he has visitation with. Our youngest was diagnosed with cancer at 7 months old. But our problems started way before that. I found out a month and half after our youngest was born Dec 2009 that he was having an affair. He gave me a whole lot of excuses and ultimately denined any sexual relationship with this other girl and said he wouldn't talk to her again. I wanted our relationship to over come this because I made vows that I meant "for better or worse" fast forward to Nov 2011 I get a facebook message from that same girl saying they had been seeing each other off and on since I had found out the first time. Again he denined everything other than he was "trying to be there for her because she was going through a tough time". I didn't believe him either times. I know he had a sexual relationship and I knew he had continued the affair, that is when she messaged me not the whole time. So the deal was he change his number, allow me to see the phone records and transfer to a different location because they had worked together. So he met my demands. Eventually the phone company switched to paperless and I didn't check up with it online. Well we had a spell of good. Then here came the bad again. We began fighting all the time. It doesn't help he works 3 hours away and stays there 3 to 5 days a week. We had a big blow up about 3 weeks ago and he basically told me he loves me but doesn't want to be with me anymore, he wants to seperate for 6 months and see what happens, he gave me a whole list of what I dont do and said he resents me because he has to work and I dont, (I have to take the 2 yr old for treatments and check ups every month) So over the last 3 weeks I got a part-time job corrected all the things he didn't like and yet the last 2 days he was home he ignored me or had this attitude of aggravation everytime he did make a second of eye contact. So last night things blew up again. I asked him what his problem was, and he couldnt give me an answer. He told me he doesnt know why but just looking at me irritates him. I asked him if he is bipolar because one second here lately he is fine then he freaking out over nothing. Of course that made him more mad and he was offended I'd even ask. He eventually told me to leave the room and then 30 minutes later brought his work clothes to me and said, "I know you're mad and you don't have to but can you iron these" Trying to out some water on the flames and not make things worse I did and while doing the he came and gave me what seemed like the first real hug in weeks maybe even months. He left for work this morning and told me he loved me. While he was at work I texted him that I wanted to take a way the pressure of build us back as a couple and just work on being friends, his response was "Right now I want to come home and enjoy the kids and I can't do that because of whats going on with us" He does not want to try to work on us all he keeps reinforcing is he's moving out and we'll see in 6 months. I know I should have walked a way a long time ago but I made my vows and I intend to keep them. If anyone breaks that commitment it ill be him. I don't know what else to do :'(*


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like your husband is torn between you and what he wants (other woman?). My husband did the same thing to me before I found out what was going on. He would pick fights with me over anything small, pick on anything that I did that was wrong to him (and like you, I tried my hardest to fix it), tell me that we can't get along, and out of the blue comes and gives me the biggest, sweetest, tightest hugs; even bought me gifts. 

In my case, he was having an affair and when I found out, he chose OW over me and our family. I hope that it won't be your case. I believed in our vows too, but after all this, and how he didn't value me or our marriage, I chose to leave because I couldn't be treated with such disrespect.


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