# Child support issues



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Can my ex legally file a petition to lower his support because he quit a higher paying job to take a much lower paying job???

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

https://cloud.tapatalk.com/s/57ec89fa2d8cb/IMG_20160928_225851.jpg?


Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

this the text I sent him

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Yes he can legally file a petition to modify his support downward because he is working at a lower paying job.

Yes a member can be banned for spamming even if they don't realize they're doing it.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes he can legally file a petition to lower child support. He's not likely to get lowered child support if he chose to make less.

I also think that sending him those types of text messages don't help one bit. You should be working to de-escalate tension, not increase it.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Yes he willing left 3 higher paying jobs one he got fired for destroying company property 

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> Yes he can legally file a petition to modify his support downward because he is working at a lower paying job.
> 
> Yes a member can be banned for spamming even if they don't realize they're doing it.


Spamming?

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It would probably cost him money to file. Could he afford that?


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

I'm just frustrated he helps no way with my kids dropped their insurance

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> It would probably cost him money to file. Could he afford that?


No it cost nothing to file I filed today too for an increase 

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Also called a lawyer I meet with him this week he owes over 6000 in arrears

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

HEIDI84 said:


> No it cost nothing to file I filed today too for an increase


I think that was foolish since you know that he's making less, there is a chance that the judge would lower what he has to pay. Why would you ask for an increase when his income has gone down? This opens the door for him to request the decrease in reply to your request.

Does your state throw people in jail who don't pay their child support? That could also be the result of you forcing this to court right now. If he's in jail, he won't be able to pay you anything.


----------



## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

HEIDI84 said:


> Spamming?
> 
> Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


Posting one meaningless graphic after another could be considered spamming even though it's not done in order to advertise a product. 

Anyway yes he can file to reduce his support whether or not he'll win the case is impossible to say but you've still got to defend it and it's always better to use an attorney for such matters but of course that means more money but sometimes you can get the court to order the other side to pay your legal fees if you win but the converse is also true.

Filing for an increase with no grounds to do so does not put you in the court's favor. They don't want their time wasted with frivolous suits and yours is no doubt worse than your exhusband's. He might have a case, especially if he can show it wasn't his choice to make less money. You don't have a case other than "well he did it so I did too".


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

caruso said:


> Posting one meaningless graphic after another could be considered spamming even though it's not done in order to advertise a product.


You might want to leave it to the moderators to decide what is and is not spamming here on TAM.


----------



## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

That's why I said "could be" rather than "is".


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

But it was his choice to make less money he did it to screw me over 

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

I got records of his children n youth cases n records of n receipts of all the times he's given them head lice, bed bugs, assaulted his gfs 9 yrs old quits jobs cuz I wouldn't drop his arrears yes I was immature I've got two payments In several mths n I've given him $ only reason he got this job is they cuz the were going to hold him in contempt of the court 

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

The bs thing was I even offered to drop arrears since I got my disability settlement n he agreed he's mad cuz my kids told his gf two wks ago he was hanging out with 2 other girls

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Just a thought. Sending text messages with obscenities in them when they might end up as part of a court case is not cool. 

Nor is publishing them on TAM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I wouldn't worry. I known a few men IRL and read of countless ones that were forced to continue to pay outrageous amounts of childimony even after their jobs were outsourced. During the great mansession most of these guys were only able to find jobs that were paying way less. When these men went to court to try to explain the situation, the courts did not budge on what they garnished from their checks forcing many of these men to live in deplorable conditions due to having to pay this support. Meanwhile, mommy's living large on the "child" support.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Why should he have to stay in a higher paying job if it's causing him stress/health problems or he just wants a change? Children have 2 parents, you could get a job too.


----------



## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

HEIDI84 said:


> But it was his choice to make less money he did it to screw me over


You'd have to prove that. He'll say it wasn't by choice.

Is it true that you aren't working? If not, why not?



HEIDI84 said:


> he's given them head lice, bed bugs, assaulted his gfs 9 yrs old quits jobs cuz I wouldn't drop his arrears


What does this even mean?


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Why should he have to stay in a higher paying job if it's causing him stress/health problems or he just wants a change? Children have 2 parents, you could get a job too.


Because men are beasts of burden, not human beings. At least according to the child support industrial complex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

frusdil said:


> Why should he have to stay in a higher paying job if it's causing him stress/health problems or he just wants a change? Children have 2 parents, you could get a job too.


Not too be rude, but you don't know whole story. Causing him stress lol maybe that's why he let his other 2 go in foster care cuz he can't stay clean n keep a job, he sees my kids whenever is convenient for him and for ur info I can't work getting 5th foot surgery in October I broke it working in a nursing home 5 yrs ago battling with disability I have taken care of n supported my children past 11 yrs. Also had bladder cancer 3 yrs ago I wanna work but physically can't. He can but chooses not too until domestics holds him in contempt of court then gets a jib. How is it fair to my children for him to quit a higher paying job to go to a lesser paying job maybe you don't have kids and understand how expensive they are. He has no stress diff girl every week, state raises two of his kids I raise other 2, if u read first messages ud see I give him gas money n buy groceries just so he agrees to visit my kids

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

jsmart said:


> I wouldn't worry. I known a few men IRL and read of countless ones that were forced to continue to pay outrageous amounts of childimony even after their jobs were outsourced. During the great mansession most of these guys were only able to find jobs that were paying way less. When these men went to court to try to explain the situation, the courts did not budge on what they garnished from their checks forcing many of these men to live in deplorable conditions due to having to pay this support. Meanwhile, mommy's living large on the "child" support.


Well this Mommy's not!!! I only receive it maybe half a year have two kids to raise on my own n pay him gas money n buy groceries n clothes for him just to visit my kids. That's bs. 

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

jsmart said:


> I wouldn't worry. I known a few men IRL and read of countless ones that were forced to continue to pay outrageous amounts of childimony even after their jobs were outsourced. During the great mansession most of these guys were only able to find jobs that were paying way less. When these men went to court to try to explain the situation, the courts did not budge on what they garnished from their checks forcing many of these men to live in deplorable conditions due to having to pay this support. Meanwhile, mommy's living large on the "child" support.


Deplorable conditions I had to set up an agreement with bank for foreclosure on my house had to call pcap n liheap to keep my electric on 

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Setting aside your normal expenses that you would have even if you didn't have any kids such as housing, electricity, water, cable, all that, and not including any kind of public assistance, do you financially provide at least as much as he is ordered to provide?


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> You'd have to prove that. He'll say it wasn't by choice.
> 
> Is it true that you aren't working? If not, why not?
> 
> ...


L









Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> You'd have to prove that. He'll say it wasn't by choice.
> 
> Is it true that you aren't working? If not, why not?
> 
> ...










this is why

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

samyeagar said:


> Setting aside your normal expenses that you would have even if you didn't have any kids such as housing, electricity, water, cable, all that, and not including any kind of public assistance, do you financially provide at least as much as he is ordered to provide?


I provided everything till I broke my foot n left my last husband in Jan, I will get disability n back pay within next month right now Im getting help from family n state

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> If you're not bedridden you can work. If you can sit up in a chair you can do computer work like most everyone else out there who works 9 to 5.
> 
> The disability rolls are full and funded by taxpayers like me because of people like you who have a multitude of excuses why they cannot earn a living.
> 
> I have no sympathy for people like you with the victim mentality who cannot be independent and must live off of others while complaining about the lack of free handouts.












Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

OP, in answer to your question, yes he can legally petition the court to lower his CS payments due to earning less. Whether or not it is granted is up to the court.

I get that you are pissed at the father of your children, please don't take it out on people who are trying to answer your question.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> If you're not bedridden you can work. If you can sit up in a chair you can do computer work like most everyone else out there who works 9 to 5.
> 
> The disability rolls are full and funded by taxpayers like me because of people like you who have a multitude of excuses why they cannot earn a living.
> 
> I have no sympathy for people like you with the victim mentality who cannot be independent and must live off of others while complaining about the lack of free handouts.












Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> If you're not bedridden you can work. If you can sit up in a chair you can do computer work like most everyone else out there who works 9 to 5.
> 
> The disability rolls are full and funded by taxpayers like me because of people like you who have a multitude of excuses why they cannot earn a living.
> 
> I have no sympathy for people like you with the victim mentality who cannot be independent and must live off of others while complaining about the lack of free handouts.


My excuses 

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> If you're not bedridden you can work. If you can sit up in a chair you can do computer work like most everyone else out there who works 9 to 5.
> 
> The disability rolls are full and funded by taxpayers like me because of people like you who have a multitude of excuses why they cannot earn a living.
> 
> I have no sympathy for people like you with the victim mentality who cannot be independent and must live off of others while complaining about the lack of free handouts.


I'm 32 have worked since I was 14, physically can't #1 meds #2 can't drive my right foot is done penndott took my like license I didn't ask for ur sympathy all I asked was a question so if ur gonna be rude ur probably another deadbeat who doesn't wanna pay for their own kids if it makes me a pos asking the state for help till I get my disability then so be it at least I'm making sure my kids are taken care of

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

I'm not taking anything out on ppl on here but calling "my victim mentality" an excuse that's just bs

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Id live to work from home on a computer can't afford internet or a computer

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> How did you take those pictures and upload them to this website?


Not that's it ur business but they were on my profile since Jan when I could still afford internet n was with my ex uploaded from a phone

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

This is certainly a touchy subject for you and one you feel strongly about, which is understandable. As far as the question you asked in the OP, taken at face value, yes, he most certainly can file to have child support lowered. If the court is aware that he is as far in arrears as you state, it will be difficult for him to successfully get it lowered. Likewise, it will be difficult for you to successfully have it raised. Just as the courts might not consider his voluntary change in employment as grounds to lower it, they will almost certainly not take into account your physical state and inability to work as grounds for increasing it. He will not be expected to contribute more to compensate for your difficulties in providing your share.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> How did you take those pictures and upload them to this website?


If you don't have advice n are just here to be a jerk read someone elses posts and mind ur business

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## GreyEcho (Sep 28, 2016)

I hope it works out Heidi, Depends on what type of judge sees the petition.. it's 50/50 these days


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

samyeagar said:


> This is certainly a touchy subject for you and one you feel strongly about, which is understandable. As far as the question you asked in the OP, taken at face value, yes, he most certainly can file to have child support lowered. If the court is aware that he is as far in arrears as you state, it will be difficult for him to successfully get it lowered. Likewise, it will be difficult for you to successfully have it raised. Just as the courts might not consider his voluntary change in employment as grounds to lower it, they will almost certainly not take into account your physical state and inability to work as grounds for increasing it. He will not be expected to contribute more to compensate for your difficulties in providing your share.


Thank you, honestly I don't want it raised I agreed in 2008 to 145 a week for 2 kids could've gotten more but wanted him to survive as well n take care of kids I'm just upset he's trying to lower it when I've only gotten my 2nd payment in several months. I just put out $50 twice for kids pics, $27 for sons field trip n $17 twice for class shirts not to mention sports

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

GreyEcho said:


> I hope it works out Heidi, Depends on what type of judge sees the petition.. it's 50/50 these days


Thank you I appreciate it

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> Good luck to you and your self pity.
> 
> I'm out.


Its about time.. Don't want pity want my kids taken care of

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## rockon (May 18, 2016)

HEIDI84, please don't be so defensive. You will get good, bad and horrible advice on this board. Lashing out at the posters is counterproductive.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

I have a consult with a lawyer Monday he's entitled to a free public defender I however have to pay

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

rockon said:


> HEIDI84, please don't be so defensive. You will get good, bad and horrible advice on this board. Lashing out at the posters is counterproductive.


Your right I agree just those statements were completely uncalled for

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

caruso said:


> You'd have to prove that. He'll say it wasn't by choice.
> 
> Is it true that you aren't working? If not, why not?
> 
> ...


It means what it says. Dire hygiene, being a deadbeat dad and assaulting a small child.

Sounds like a great role model. Not!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Divorce, child support, alimony are all extremely divisive and emotionally charged topics. Generally people in these cases honestly believe that they deserve more and are being treated unfairly, no matter what side they are on. 

This is why we have laws and judges. People have tried to make and enforce a set of laws that are fair, they may have failed, but they have tried. Really the best you can do is to use that system. 

Did he quit his high paying job in order to spite you? Its possible, but there is no way to know for sure. The law specifiees how much he pays, and under what conditions that gets changed.

Same for your injuries - which look very serious, and I'm sorry for whatever happened to you. If it involved someone hurting you, I hope they spend a long time in prison. What disability payments you get is also covered by laws.


Laws aren't always good, but generally they are the best option available.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> It means what it says. Dire hygiene, being a deadbeat dad and assaulting a small child.
> 
> Sounds like a great role model. Not!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank for explaining that in layman's terms lol

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> It means what it says. Dire hygiene, being a deadbeat dad and assaulting a small child.
> 
> Sounds like a great role model. Not!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She said he gave them lice and bedbugs because she wouldn't forgive the child support arrears.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> She said he gave them lice and bedbugs because she wouldn't forgive the child support arrears.


That's not what I said

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> She said he gave them lice and bedbugs because she wouldn't forgive the child support arrears.


I said he quits his jobs cuz I won't drop his arrears

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

uhtred said:


> Divorce, child support, alimony are all extremely divisive and emotionally charged topics. Generally people in these cases honestly believe that they deserve more and are being treated unfairly, no matter what side they are on.
> 
> This is why we have laws and judges. People have tried to make and enforce a set of laws that are fair, they may have failed, but they have tried. Really the best you can do is to use that system.
> 
> ...


Thank you yes he got fired from first 2 for drugs n destroying company property then quit last job which was $21 hr because I got his whole income tax check because of all the arrears and I wouldn't drop the other $6000 still owed n now just started working making $13 because they were going to put him in jail. This is the game he's played now for 8yrs I never asked for an increase just want what's owed to my kids 

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

caruso said:


> She said he gave them lice and bedbugs because she wouldn't forgive the child support arrears.


I will check exactly what was said later. At present I am on a train with limited Internet access.

And I thought you said you were not going to participate in this thread any longer? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> I will check exactly what was said later. At present I am on a train with limited Internet access.
> 
> And I thought you said you were not going to participate in this thread any longer?


I'm only posting here to respond to your posts directed at me. 

My apologies to the Op. She reminded me of my exwife in several ways and it sort of triggered me. 

My exwife hasn't worked in over 10 years and has been living off the child support from which my children do not derive any benefit since they don't even live with her anymore.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> I will check exactly what was said later. At present I am on a train with limited Internet access.
> 
> And I thought you said you were not going to participate in this thread any longer?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


  

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

caruso said:


> I'm only posting here to respond to your posts directed at me.
> 
> My apologies to the Op. She reminded me of my exwife in several ways and it sort of triggered me.
> 
> My exwife hasn't worked in over 10 years and has been living off the child support from which my children do not derive any benefit since they don't even live with her anymore.


Yikes! Projection is never a good thing! She is not you ex. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> I'm only posting here to respond to your posts directed at me.
> 
> My apologies to the Op. She reminded me of my exwife in several ways and it sort of triggered me.
> 
> My exwife hasn't worked in over 10 years and has been living off the child support from which my children do not derive any benefit since they don't even live with her anymore.


I apologize for your ex wife but I'm not here and I'm a damn good mom/dad my children are my world like I said before I pay him gas $ to see him he only lives 25min away n buy groceries also bought extra clothes for kids when he used to take them for a weekend a month

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> I'm only posting here to respond to your posts directed at me.
> 
> My apologies to the Op. She reminded me of my exwife in several ways and it sort of triggered me.
> 
> My exwife hasn't worked in over 10 years and has been living off the child support from which my children do not derive any benefit since they don't even live with her anymore.


Also u need to receive child support technically every if u were to try n live off it

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

HEIDI84 said:


> I apologize for your ex wife but I'm not here and I'm a damn good mom/dad my children are my world like I said before I pay him gas $ to see him he only lives 25min away n buy groceries also bought extra clothes for kids when he used to take them for a weekend a month
> 
> Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


Her not here lol

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

HEIDI84 said:


> Also u need to receive child support technically every week if u were to try n live off it
> 
> Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk




Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

HEIDI84 said:


> Also u need to receive child support technically every if u were to try n live off it
> 
> Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


She's greedy and selfish unlike you. 

She plays with the kids emotions in order to suppress their protesting that they don't see any of the money that is supposed to benefit them.

Fortunately for me it's almost over. Sounds like you've got a ways to go with your deadbeat ex.

Hang in there.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Heidi,

Is it you children's father you put that injury on your neck when he strangled you? Or was that some other guy?


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> She's greedy and selfish unlike you.
> 
> She plays with the kids emotions in order to suppress their protesting that they don't see any of the money that is supposed to benefit them.
> 
> ...


Thank you I apologize to you for getting so defensive I'm just frustrated these kids are my life

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

I understand. 

We've all got triggers.

I tried to delete my mean post but it was already gone.

Nice picture of you by the way despite the bruising. That shirt fits you well.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tech-novelist said:


> Because men are beasts of burden, not human beings. At least according to the child support industrial complex.


Yes, and what is a woman who, like Heidi, who is left to support her two children mostly on her own with little to no help from their father? I suppose in your way of thinking men have no responsibility to their children.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Yes, and what is a woman who, like Heidi, who is left to support her two children mostly on her own with little to no help from their father? I suppose in your way of thinking men have no responsibility to their children.


Thank you, I do understand some woman taking advantage of the system, but not all. I chose to stay with my last abusive husband till he almost killed me just so I wouldn't have to ask for help and was in fear I couldn't make it on my own but because of elegirl and others on tam they gave me the strength and resources to do it if not for myself then for my kids. I'm forever grateful

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Heidi,
> 
> Is it you children's father you put that injury on your neck when he strangled you? Or was that some other guy?


My children's father was my first husband I left him 8 yrs ago, my last husband I left in Jan when I started writing on this forum. He was the abusive one

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## GreyEcho (Sep 28, 2016)

The abusive one needs his a$$ kicked a few times .. no reason for that...


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

GreyEcho said:


> The abusive one needs his a$$ kicked a few times .. no reason for that...


Yea anger issues. He's "on meds" now lol not my prob anymore his Mommy's dealing with him now lol

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## GreyEcho (Sep 28, 2016)

HEIDI84 said:


> Yea anger issues. He's "on meds" now lol not my prob anymore his Mommy's dealing with him now lol


Sorry you had to go through that. I hate seeing or hearing about abuse of any kind


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

GreyEcho said:


> Sorry you had to go through that. I hate seeing or hearing about abuse of any kind


What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I definitely came out stronger thank you

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Heidi,

Your kid's father sounds like a lost cause. He's probably going to continue to play these games. Your best bet is probably to pull back. If he's that much of a bad father, then it might be best to not encourage his interactions with the children.

I certainly don't think you should help him financially anymore. You need the money to support your kids.

Him getting fired for drug use makes it sound like he's hell bent on destroying his own life. Do you really want your kids around that?


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Heidi,
> 
> Your kid's father sounds like a lost cause. He's probably going to continue to play these games. Your best bet is probably to pull back. If he's that much of a bad father, then it might be best to not encourage his interactions with the children.
> 
> ...


No definitely not after the continued head lice n beating his gfs son with a shoe, I stopped wkend visits he can only see them at the park near me or if his mom agrees to keep them for a weekend he saw them 3 times past 8 months I'm working for full custody, he's not really fighting me either. I'm hoping when I get the rest of my settlement he agrees to sign off and I'll drop support

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Omg I'm so relieved one of the lawyers I called this morning just called me back and I can't afford to hire him $400 but he did tell me if my ex willing quit a higher paying job and got a lower paying job he CANNOT lower my support!!!!! Ahhh huge weight off my shoulders

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you gotten into any counseling?


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Both myself and my son, well my sin starts next Friday but he's getting it now through the school. I've also been on medication which has helped tremendously

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

HEIDI84 said:


> Omg I'm so relieved one of the lawyers I called this morning just called me back and I can't afford to hire him $400 but he did tell me if my ex willing quit a higher paying job and got a lower paying job he CANNOT lower my support!!!!! Ahhh huge weight off my shoulders
> 
> Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


Has your ex being taking legal advice from a drunken friend down the pub?

"Just give up your high paying job and get one for much less pay. Then they'd have to cut your alimony, right?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

HEIDI84 said:


> I'm hoping when I get the rest of my settlement he agrees to sign off and I'll drop support.


You can still have full custody while the loser remains financially responsible for the children he CHOSE to bring into this world. Just because he's an abusive loser doesn't mean your kids *don't* need a roof over their heads, food on the table, school clothes, medical needs, and the list goes on. Their needs don't change just because he thinks he's above supporting them.

Father of the Year doesn't want them every other weekend. Anyone who doesn't think enough of his own kids to even give a rat's ass whether they're EATING on a regular basis *doesn't* want to spend time with them. As such, I don't think you have much to worry about him fighting you for visitation with them. What a _joke_.

Which brings me to the point of my post. Do NOT absolve the sperm donor of his responsibility to SUPPORT these children. Too damned bad if he's a complete failure as a human being - that doesn't absolve him of his responsibilities.

Child support is the right of every child. Whether or not YOU want it is immaterial. It's your children's right to be supported by both parents. Don't drop support. You continue collecting it and put it in a bank account for *them* for their college, or their first car, or some other unforeseen need they might have in the future. But don't drop support.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Thank you

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Has your ex being taking legal advice from a drunken friend down the pub?
> 
> "Just give up your high paying job and get one for much less pay. Then they'd have to cut your alimony, right?"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It seems to be

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You can still have full custody while the loser remains financially responsible for the children he CHOSE to bring into this world. Just because he's an abusive loser doesn't mean your kids *don't* need a roof over their heads, food on the table, school clothes, medical needs, and the list goes on. Their needs don't change just because he thinks he's above supporting them.
> 
> Father of the Year doesn't want them every other weekend. Anyone who doesn't think enough of his own kids to even give a rat's ass whether they're EATING on a regular basis *doesn't* want to spend time with them. As such, I don't think you have much to worry about him fighting you for visitation with them. What a _joke_.
> 
> ...


Granted, there are some very important differences between Heidi's situation, and what I have continued to go through with my ex-wife, but there are some similarities too. Firstly, the vitriol leveled at the the father. While courts do typically favor the mother, they are sensitive to things that appear to be vindictive.

In my situation, I was faced with the choice of taking a ~30% pay cut, or losing my job due to corporate restructuring. I petitioned the courts for a reduction, and she countered requesting an increase based on two things...the first, that I was actually lying about my pay, and that I had taken the cut voluntarily to screw her, and second, she argued that the amount of child support that had been ordered was not enough to support her and the kids.

Long story short, for the first time in the entire, long drawn out, high conflict divorce, the judge took my side and pretty much laughed her out of court, granted my reduction in support, and admonished her to start helping financially support her children, that if she didn't have the kids, she would still need to provide a roof over her head, put food on her table, pay for electricity, buy clothes, etc... Oh, and she still doesn't have a job.

With regards to my pay cut, I had documentation from my company detailing how that had happened, and she had no idea I would actually be able to prove that I was telling the truth. She let her emotions cloud her thinking. 

Heidi, I guess my point is there may be things you are not aware of, or are just not seeing for what ever reason, and you need to keep your emotion as tempered as possible, and not let an echo chamber of "you go girls" form around you. Don't move on things out of anger, hurt, or emotion. With regards to him filing to lower his child support, let him. There is nothing you can do to prevent him from doing so. The judge will make the determination based on the facts, and don't get caught by the assumption that you know all the facts.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

I appreciate that I do know however for a fact he did quit his last job he told me n I also talk to one of his girlfriends I don't want an increase just want it to remain the same as its been since 2008

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

HEIDI84 said:


> I appreciate that I do know however for a fact he did quit his last job *he told me n I also talk to one of his girlfriends* I don't want an increase just want it to remain the same as its been since 2008
> 
> Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


So this is a man you trust? And his girlfriends too? That you can believe what he says?

On it's face, it seems very foolish for him to do this based solely on what you have said. Foolish in the extreme, to the point where if he gets an attorney to do this for him, if it is exactly as you have said here, that attorney could probably get into trouble.

That is why I have a gut feeling that there might be more to this than has been presented here. Now, if it ends up being exactly as presented, than yeah, the child support won't be lowered.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

samyeagar said:


> So this is a man you trust? And his girlfriends too? That you can believe what he says?
> 
> On it's face, it seems very foolish for him to do this based solely on what you have said. Foolish in the extreme, to the point where if he gets an attorney to do this for him, if it is exactly as you have said here, that attorney could probably get into trouble.
> 
> That is why I have a gut feeling that there might be more to this than has been presented here. Now, if it ends up being exactly as presented, than yeah, the child support won't be lowered.


No I don't trust him but his one gf absolutely she told me about the lice, bed bugs, drinking n driving, and I've known her for 16 yrs her name happens to be Heidi as well. I guess we will see what happens Oct 19th

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Maybe its strange but we were all close at one point I babysat his other two kids for free till the state took them

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Ok


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Heidi,

You have cute kids. I get that you want to share their photos. But you really should not be posting pictures of your children on the forum or much of anywhere on the internet. Here on TAM we try to remain anonymous since we share so much private info. Do you see anyone else posting photos? That's the reason that we don't. This is not a social site.


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Hi, I'm confused. Here in my state (I realize it could be different elsewhere) you can't just elect to "drop" child support arrearage. That's the state's decision. Even if you wanted to, are you sure that's indeed a possibility? 

Also he gets free legal representation in a civil matter? Did he tell you that? I've never heard of someone getting a court appointed attorney for a civil matter. 

To answer your question, yes he can petition the court for decreased child support. Doesn't mean he'll get it though. If it gets to the hearing stage, hopefully the judge will see through him and not grant it. I'm sure judges deal with this sort of sham (dads and moms quitting high paying jobs to get decreased child support) day in, day out. 

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

lucy999 said:


> Hi, I'm confused. Here in my state (I realize it could be different elsewhere) you can't just elect to "drop" child support arrearage. That's the state's decision. Even if you wanted to, are you sure that's indeed a possibility?
> 
> Also he gets free legal representation in a civil matter? Did he tell you that? I've never heard of someone getting a court appointed attorney for a civil matter.
> 
> ...


Yes I can legally drop arrears if I want and you are right he does have to pay for a lawyer as well as I, I misunderstood the court documents

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

We go Oct 19th

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Heidi,
> 
> You have cute kids. I get that you want to share their photos. But you really should not be posting pictures of your children on the forum or much of anywhere on the internet. Here on TAM we try to remain anonymous since we share so much private info. Do you see anyone else posting photos? That's the reason that we don't. This is not a social site.


I took it down they weren't pics of my kids anyway just my exs other kids I babysat

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

HEIDI84 said:


> We go Oct 19th
> 
> Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


Good luck! I've seen this happen to a few of my friends. It's disgusting what their fathers did to get out of paying proper child support. Talking about cutting your nose off to spite your face.



Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

lucy999 said:


> Good luck! I've seen this happen to a few of my friends. It's disgusting what their fathers did to get out of paying proper child support. Talking about cutting your nose off to spite your face.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


Thank you that means alot

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

[quote name="Palodyne" post=16543138]Hantei, I hope things ae going well for you. You haven't posted in a while, I just wanted to say I hope you and yours are doing well. Good luck.[/QUOTE]<br />
<br />
Thank you, I'm ok. Still visiting his forum from time to time, not posting though. Nothing outstanding to report, BAU draining divorcing/separating holding the fort stuff. More then half way there.

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

[quote name="Palodyne" post=16543138]Hantei, I hope things ae going well for you. You haven't posted in a while, I just wanted to say I hope you and yours are doing well. Good luck.[/QUOTE]<br />
<br />
Thank you, I'm ok. Still visiting his forum from time to time, not posting though. Nothing outstanding to report, BAU draining divorcing/separating holding the fort stuff. More then half way there. Hantei any advice

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I hope you can get what you deserve from your ex. I never did. He died in May owing me over $70,000 (yes, seventy thousand) dollars. My kids are all grown now; we split in 1994.

But I will tell you the same thing I tell everyone who depends on child support - DON'T.

Don't depend on it. Do everything within your power to be the ONLY support your children need. Never depend on money from a deadbeat. 

That doesn't mean let him get away with not paying, as far as it's in your power to do. But as my situation attests, if he refuses to pay, there's nothing you can ultimately do. All the court orders in the world won't put that money in your account if he's willing to live totally under the radar like my ex.

Every once in a while I'd get a couple hundred, or even a couple thousand, dollars, when he files a tax return or something. But it never lasted. So it was like a bonus - like Christmas  THAT is what it should be thought of as - not as something that you NEED.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> I hope you can get what you deserve from your ex. I never did. He died in May owing me over $70,000 (yes, seventy thousand) dollars. My kids are all grown now; we split in 1994.
> 
> But I will tell you the same thing I tell everyone who depends on child support - DON'T.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much I probably over did it with my trash talking on social media today but u got payment today and it was half of what it was suppose to be BS!! I called domestics they don't tell u crap, later find out from one of his gfs he for fired from this temp agency ALREADY for calling off and going in late so I'm screwed once again. Only good news I got was they waived my ssd hearing had enough cause to proceed with my payout spent yesterday in urgent care broken screw n bent rod but im getting it fixed tomorrow


Hope1964 said:


> I hope you can get what you deserve from your ex. I never did. He died in May owing me over $70,000 (yes, seventy thousand) dollars. My kids are all grown now; we split in 1994.
> 
> But I will tell you the same thing I tell everyone who depends on child support - DON'T.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much I probably over did it with my trash talking on social media today but i got payment today and it was half of what it was suppose to be BS!! I called domestics they don't tell u crap, later find out from one of his gfs he for fired from this temp agency ALREADY for calling off and going in late so I'm screwed once again. Only good news I got was they waived my ssd hearing had enough cause to proceed with my payout spent yesterday in urgent care broken screw n bent rod but im getting it fixed tomorrow









Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

I guess you aren't concerned about maintaining your anonymity on here.

I suppose for your particular situation it doesn't really matter.


----------



## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

caruso said:


> I guess you aren't concerned about maintaining your anonymity on here.
> 
> I supposed for your particular situation it doesn't really matter.


Leave me alone loser.... Pay ur own child support

Sent from my N9130 using Tapatalk


----------



## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Well this explains why you didn't accept my friend request on FaceBook.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Heidi,

He might be a clown.. but I agree with his point. I guess you want people on TAM to stalk you in real life because that's what it's looking like.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> Hi, I'm confused. Here in my state (I realize it could be different elsewhere) you can't just elect to "drop" child support arrearage. That's the state's decision. Even if you wanted to, are you sure that's indeed a possibility?


My state stars support obligations at birth or when the couple no longer shares a home and expenses. For me, that would have been February 2000 when exH was escorted off the property for trying to strangle me on the stairs and a neighbor heard the struggle and called the cops. My divorce was finalized in 2002. ExH said he would agree to give me full custody of the kids if I waived the 2 years in back support he'd owe me walking out of the courtroom. I agreed. The judge allowed me to waive arrears (no, he didn't know about the agreement we privately made) and then set support starting 30 days after the divorce was finalized, because I am nice like that and I gave him a 30 day grace period when the judge asked what date to start the support.

Actually, I'm not that nice. I just knew he wouldn't pay the support and figured if I could waive support arrears I wasn't going to get anyways to get full custody of the kids without a fight..well, ok.

How did I know I wasn't going to get support? Because the man had 2 other kids he was over $150,000 in arrears on their support.

I then asked the court if I could just waive support altogether because exH had 2 other kids he was well into arrears for and the judge told me that if we did not set support for the children, he would not grant my divorce. He said that the money was for the children and I had no right to waive it. 

So, yeah, somehow I could waive money owed to me for child support in the past, but couldn't waive money that would be owed to me for child support in the future.:scratchhead:




Hope1964 said:


> I hope you can get what you deserve from your ex. I never did. He died in May owing me over $70,000 (yes, seventy thousand) dollars. My kids are all grown now; we split in 1994.
> 
> But I will tell you the same thing I tell everyone who depends on child support - DON'T.
> 
> ...


Between my 2 girls, his son with K and his daughter with Different K, my exH is over $270,000 in total arrears. All 4 of those kids are grown now as DD2 will turn 18 this month. His 2 kids with his current wife have been removed from the home for abuse and neglect since last year, so the state where he lives now is going after both of them for support, so that number is going to grow.

He hasn't filed a tax return in over a decade. He's been living off his mom and working here and there under the table. ANYTHING but support th kids he made.


----------

