# Crush on a co-worker. Don't know what to do.



## The Captain (Dec 17, 2020)

I’ve had a crush on a woman at work for a long time. It’s a “proximity crush”. A proximity crush messes with your mind, and will often cause someone to be attracted to a person that they normally wouldn’t be interested in. It’s the effect of constant proximity. It keeps you from getting them out of your head.

I’ve been divorced for 6 months, I’m 13 years older than my crush but I look much younger than my age, and I have one child (teenage daughter). This woman has no kids, has never been married, and lives alone. We sit close to each other at work, but we are in different departments. We aren’t around each other much these days, because we have to work some of our shifts from home, due to Covid. 

I find myself *very *attracted to her, and our flirty chats are the highlight of my day…especially in this age of Covid which has us all cooped up and not seeing others. I think about her a lot, and it bothers me, because I should be focusing on me and getting comfortable being on my own, as the divorce is still kinda fresh. I’ve actually been doing a great since the divorce – never happier and regaining my confidence – but all it takes is one chat with my crush and I turn to jelly and can’t get her out of my head. 

She is introverted (like me) and difficult to read. I don’t even know if she’s seeing someone, but I _think _she isn’t, because not only has she never mentioned anyone, but her Facebook photos show no significant others, and the same goes for her office photos. Our chats are always flirty, but being flirty is the culture of our workplace. She may be difficult to read, but one thing I do know is that she really enjoys talking to me. She initiates 95% of the conversations with me. She shares personal details of her life with me, and I do the same with her. She always seems comfortable around me. I think she has to know that I’m into her, just going by how interested in her life I am.

My questions are, do you think she might be interested, or am I in the friend-zone? Am I just starved for “adult woman time” because I have been without companionship for so long? Is there a way I can find out if she likes me? Does she also have a proximity crush on me? Should I just drop it and move on?


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## Mezman (Dec 12, 2020)

Just ask her out! That will settle the matter, regardless what anyone here writes it won't give you the answer, only she can do that


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Here is a way to find out -- ask her out for coffee. Keep it simple (and not creepy). "Hey we have a lot of fun together -- would you like to go out for a coffee sometime?" If you are really into her and SHE is into you, she will go out. 
Talk about more personal things -- reference a boyfriend in your flirting "I bet your boyfriend wouldn't want to hear you say that" -- should prompt a response.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Just ask her out to a coffee, but bear in mind any little thing can negatively impact your workplace environment .

Even if nothing was done wrong by you, if perceived or she feels slighted in any way you'll pay the price.

It's your call. But when it ends, and it will unless you marry her, you'll still pay the price.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Women don’t spend a lot of time on men they’re not interested in. Workplace romance is never the best thing


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I would suggest something more than coffee. I would go to coffee with women at work I had no intentions towards other than to chat about a project or just to drag someone along to take a break.

Maybe coffee would work outside of the work context. So if you met on the weekend for coffee then the intention is clearer.

These days I would just come out with it if I was in the market. I wouldn’t mess around and would straight up tell her that I like her and would like to get to know her better on date if she was up for it; then meet outside the work context.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> Women don’t spend a lot of time on men they’re not interested in.


I can't really say this is true. They're co-workers. She might very much enjoy his friendship in that context but not want it to go any further.



Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Just ask her out to a coffee, but bear in mind any little thing can negatively impact your workplace environment .
> 
> Even if nothing was done wrong by you, if perceived or she feels slighted in any way you'll pay the price.
> 
> It's your call. But when it ends, and it will unless you marry her, you'll still pay the price.


Yeah, this is a hard consideration. I've had a couple guys (at different times) who were in the friend zone. When they attempted to take it further, I felt gutted. I felt so much fondness for them as a friend that my immediate sense of disappointment was that we could never go back to being the friends we had been. My sense of loss was the fun we had, the trust, and the openness - all gone now. 

You two have a really great relationship at work. Just asking her out could end that and cause awkwardness. If your proposal makes her feel like I felt, she'll be too afraid to interact in the way she always has.

To add to what I know is my entirely unhelpful response, there were guys in the friend zone that I secretly wished would make some kind of advance. I was never the type to make the first move. I wasn't shy, I just didn't feel it was proper. Plus, if things went really badly in the relationship that ensued, I didn't want to feel like I had asked for it by having been the one who initiated the relationship. So I just didn't have romantic relationships unless they initiated them. 

On that note, I'm surprised you and she have never lunched together, I mean over the past six months, not while you were married. Maybe she wants to but can't ask for whatever reason. You were married so she was respectful of that. After your divorce was too soon, she knew she had to give you time. She might want you to ask.

Yes, unhelpful, I know.
Sorry 

The only thing I can offer that is helpful is don't do anything that is slick or obvious. Women are sick of the cliches. Even if she goes for it, she'll still feel a slight sense of disappointment because she thought better of you until you showed her differently.

I also think it's very possible that, as you indicated, you're in need of a woman's attention. Afterall, you did say you wouldn't otherwise be interested were it not for the close and regular proximity. Did you feel THAT way about her over the years, or just since your divorce? Maybe just continue to give it time. See what develops.


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## The Captain (Dec 17, 2020)

Hey Star...not unhelpful at all. Your response was extremely helpful!! As were the other replies. This is all very interesting.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Speaking as someone who married someone that worked at the same company (at the time), though we didn't work together regularly. Just be careful about it. Make sure you handle it maturely in case it doesn't work out.


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## The Captain (Dec 17, 2020)

I don't even know if she is interested in dating at all. Also, I really don't want to lose our friendship and make things weird for her. Can you tell I'm an over-thinker? 

Star, you mentioned you wouldn't make the first move, and I've read things about that and it's actually hard-wired into women's brains to never ask out a guy. It does happen, as there are always going to be people who are able to step outside of their wiring so to speak, it's just rare. Especially for an introvert. One thing I know about my crush - she would NEVER ask me out. 

My buddy says I'm *starved *for "adult woman attention", after being married for 20 years, and this is the first time I've ever lived alone. So far, I don't mind living alone...I'm actually loving it! But there are times, when I'm sitting here at night by myself, and I think my crush is doing the same over at her place, and things like this creep into my head: "Wouldn't it be more fun for both of us to be hanging out together?" I'm only human.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

The Captain said:


> Hey Star...not unhelpful at all. Your response was extremely helpful!! As were the other replies. This is all very interesting.


I think unhelpful because I had only offered both sides of the coin, which is nothing to encourage you, discourage you, or help you base a decision. But I did want to offer both sides. Friend zone and co-workers can both be complicated relationships....or rather become complicated when romantic notions are thrown in.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You said that you’ve been talking a lot so you must know what her outside interests are. Try and get tickets for something that you know she would enjoy and mention to her that you have a spare ticket and would she like to come with you. Don’t make a big deal about it. 
If she says no then you will know where you stand and you won’t have put your friendship at risk. 
But she’ll probably say yes and is probably wondering are you ever going to make a move.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Just think how tragic it would be if you made a move and she smiled and giggled and said she couldn’t and then you kept being work buddies. 

TRAGIC! Tragic tragic tragic. End of the world as we know it. Extinction Level Event. 

(That was all sarcasm to make a point y’know 😉).


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I agree with the other posters that have said to just take your shot.

Years down the road No one regrets the things they tried that didn’t work out quite the way they wanted. You never regret a shot you take and miss.

They regret the shots they didn’t take.

I also want to add that you are used to a marital relationship paradigm.

Here’s something you need to start retraining your brain to grasp - you don’t have to be married. You don’t have to be in long term exclusive relationships. You don’t even have to be in an ongoing relationship at all.

It’s ok to just go out for dinner.

It’s ok to just hook up.

It’s ok to just get out of the house and have fun with a woman who’s company you enjoy.

Take the pressures and expectations of relationships/marriage off your shoulders.

You already BTDT, you had the wife,the house, the kids etc. Now it’s ok to just get out and do what YOU want. 

A coupe do’s and donts here for going forward in this stage of your life -

DO - what you want as long as it is safe, legal and consensul.

DONT - be a p***y.


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## The Captain (Dec 17, 2020)

Believe me, a relationship/marriage is the LAST thing I want.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Agree with oldshirt, he hit the nail on the head. Do what you want, if you want to pursue this woman then get off the forum and go for it!


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Try and get tickets for something that you know she would enjoy and mention to her that you have a spare ticket and would she like to come with you.


Sorry, Andy. But Captain, this is what I'm talking about being slick and obvious. You tell her you just happen to have a spare ticket. Do men really think stuff like this is a good idea? Do you think we can't see through it? Just because we don't say doesn't mean it got passed us, and we lose a little bit of respect. So don't disappoint her with things like this, plus it makes her feel you don't think much of her to not be able to see through it. She only knows you as open and honest, and that's the way she needs to know you.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The Captain said:


> Believe me, a relationship/marriage is the LAST thing I want.


Hey I'm all for you going for it, but it's not me that will have to live with the end result. 

Now, it depends on the type of job, too.

Executive, management, leadership, Engineer - that's a whole different realm and story than car salesman, 7-11, construction, etc.


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## The Captain (Dec 17, 2020)

StarFires said:


> Sorry, Andy. But Captain, this is what I'm talking about being slick and obvious. You tell her you just happen to have tickets. Do men really think stuff like this is a good idea? Do you think we can't see through it? Just because we don't say doesn't mean it got passed us, and we lose a little bit of respect. So don't disappoint her with things like this, plus it makes her feel you don't think much of her to not be able to see through it. She only knows you as open and honest, and that's the way she needs to know you.


I wasn't going to do this anyway. There's a pandemic going on. What in the world am I going to get tickets to?


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Don't dip your pen in the company ink.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The Captain said:


> I wasn't going to do this anyway. There's a pandemic going on. What in the world am I going to get tickets to?


Your own backyard bbq. 

What else? And no one has to drive home if it works out.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

The Captain said:


> I’ve had a crush on a woman at work for a long time. It’s a “proximity crush”. A proximity crush messes with your mind, and will often cause someone to be attracted to a person that they normally wouldn’t be interested in. It’s the effect of constant proximity. It keeps you from getting them out of your head.
> 
> I’ve been divorced for 6 months, I’m 13 years older than my crush but I look much younger than my age, and I have one child (teenage daughter). This woman has no kids, has never been married, and lives alone. We sit close to each other at work, but we are in different departments. We aren’t around each other much these days, because we have to work some of our shifts from home, due to Covid.
> 
> ...


There are definitely things you could ask that would help you to figure out if she's interested. But I would agree with most, coffee after work hours, or even out for a drink, would do the trick. 

Do be careful about dating a coworker though, especially if you think it's a proximity crush, and you may not even have serious feelings for her (as per what I get from your post). It's up to you, if you think you're both mature enough to handle a possible proverbial breakup, then go for it. But with all of these sexual harassment things, I'd be apprehensive.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Your own backyard bbq.
> 
> What else? And no one has to drive home if it works out.


HAHAHA HAHA AAHHHAHA

You scoundrel!
j/k


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

C'mon, man, do we need to get someone to pass her a note at recess?


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## The Captain (Dec 17, 2020)

Cletus said:


> C'mon, man, do we need to get someone to pass her a note at recess?


Point taken.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Tell her you have been wanting to take her on a hot date to the water cooler in the office break room. If that isn’t spicy enough you can tell her you know the guy that once used the fire exit.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

The Captain said:


> Believe me, a relationship/marriage is the LAST thing I want.


In that case there isnt much point in asking her out. Wait till you are ready for another relationship before you date again. Stop flirting.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The Captain said:


> Believe me, a relationship/marriage is the LAST thing I want.


Really? 
WTH.

Then drop the idea.
Don't play with someone else's feelings.

Oh, I forgot you are already flirting with her.

Do, or don't create a relationship.
Make up your darn mind!!!

Just, don't act the hypocrite.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think whether you go for it or not all depends on whether or not you are going to be able to brush it off if she rejects you. because if emotionally you're going to get all upset about it or resent her or feel embarrassed and humiliated, then you don't have any business asking her out. it is absolutely miserable to be in the workplace with someone who rejected you. And it usually gets political. And you just said you're not interested in getting married so it sounds to me like you're just going to hurt this young woman anyway.. and the age gsp is pretty big. doesn't make that much difference whether you think you look your age or not because there are cultural differences when people are more than a few years apart so it becomes obvious.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think whether you go for it or not all depends on whether or not you are going to be able to brush it off if she rejects you. because if emotionally you're going to get all upset about it or resent her or feel embarrassed and humiliated, then you don't have any business asking her out. it is absolutely miserable to be in the workplace with someone who rejected you. And it usually gets political. And you just said you're not interested in getting married so it sounds to me like you're just going to hurt this young woman anyway.. and the age gsp is pretty big. doesn't make that much difference whether you think you look your age or not because there are cultural differences when people are more than a few years apart so it becomes obvious.


All this, plus he didnt just say married he said he didnt want a relationship either. I also agree on the age thing, so many men come here and claim that they look younger than they are, they cant all be right.

OP, you have been married and have a teenage child, the lady at work is single and has no children. She may well be hoping to meet a nice guy she can get married to and have children with. If you dont want that then dont mess her around.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I know when I was in my mid-twenties, even men who were six years older than me seemed old to me and it was just because we weren't from the same generation so there was a generation gap that made it obvious they were older. 

I think it's also important to just keep in mind that when people work together they yak to each other a lot and a lot of women really like to talk.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

The Captain said:


> I don't even know if she is interested in dating at all. Also, I really don't want to lose our friendship and make things weird for her. Can you tell I'm an over-thinker?


So this advice comes with a disclaimer, she can't be your boss or your subordinate. That is not appropriate, and you should think long and hard if you work together all day every day.

I think this is one of those moments where you can't try to be suave or cool, you just got to ask. Something like -

"You know I really enjoy our friendship here at work and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that, but every once in a while I have this thought that there might be something more here. So I am going to ask you this, just once and if you want me to drop it I will. Would you be interested in seeing if that is a possibility?" If she says yes I would probably make a joke at that moment like "OK I pick you up at 8.", but "wanna get some coffee" would do. If she says nah, then you let it go and just move on with the conversation like it was any normal request that she said no to, not life and death. And particularly not any gauge of your worth.

That is the thing with this. If you are going to pursue a work place relationship you have to be pretty confident in yourself so that if she says at any point that she is not interested anymore you can just drop it and not see it as some slight on your worth, but just two people who are not meant to be. You are newly divorced and even without that not everyone is capable of doing that. But it has to be done with work place relationships as there is more at stake. Are you sure you can do that?

Honestly though it should just be done in general, because really in most cases just because someone not being interested in you is really all that is says about you. This one person isn't interested in you. We live in a world with lots of people.

Continuing in that vein, this is her place of work too. If you really like this women and just to be a decent person if you are not serious about this then don't do it. Presumably she likes her job and this has the potential to change that so be respectful of that. You say she is your friend, well it would be wrong for you to make the place she earns money uncomfortable just because you have feelings for her. Don't make your rebound relationship a friend from work, so if that is what this is go elsewhere.

I think it can be done, I don't even think you have to end up together, but like I said in my other post. It takes two very mature people to do it.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

1. Don’t ask her out on a date, have tremendous fun lightly flirting with her over the course of your employment.

2. Ask her out, she says no. You feel like a pud, and spend your nights hating her and wondering how you can get even. She goes to HR and tells them you’re being ‘creepy’. They believe her of course because #metoo  You struggle to find another job because you’re now labeled as a threat to women.

3. Ask her out, fall in love. Start wondering why she’s bending over the water cooler like _that_ in front of that Chad in the HR department. Start fielding her questions of “Why you saying good morning to _that _ho?!” Slowly lose your mind, your girl and your job.

Choose wisely.


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## 347055 (Nov 7, 2020)

Nailhead said:


> Don't dip your pen in the company ink.


Exactly! Where I worked there were numerous examples of situations exactly like yours that ended very badly for the male. If the wheels come off for any reason at any time, the company will gladly show you the door. I could tell you numerous stories of how these things end badly. My best friend dated a woman at work for couple of years and when the relationship soured she constantly threatened him with going to management about how he had "harrassed" her. Fortunately for him she got interested in a division manager who she eventually married.

Find another venue for meeting and dating females. Not where you work and not (IMHO) a bar.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I know when I was in my mid-twenties, even men who were six years older than me seemed old to me and it was just because we weren't from the same generation so there was a generation gap that made it obvious they were older.
> 
> I think it's also important to just keep in mind that when people work together they yak to each other a lot and a lot of women really like to talk.


I had a hang up about age/generation gaps too so while I understand your hesitation, we need to keep in mind a lot of your peers were probably banging older guys left and right....

.....and I know my male peers were banging every younger chick of legal age they could get their hands on. 

Bottom line here is she is a legal adult.
If she doesn’t want to go out with him she can decline.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> I had a hang up about age/generation gaps too so while I understand your hesitation, we need to keep in mind a lot of your peers were probably banging older guys left and right....
> 
> .....and I know my male peers were banging every younger chick of legal age they could get their hands on.
> 
> ...


No, my peers were not any of them banging old guys. I'm not saying no one does. I'm saying most 20-somethings think even slightly older guys are oldish. I mean, consider the brain difference. One isn't fully developed to even be able to anticipate the consequences of their actions yet, and one is a mature brain. Attractive young women don't need to date older. I'm also not saying there aren't older guys who can fit in with their crowd, and the reason is because I dated younger a lot as a woman. But there is a big difference in how serious it can become. I fit in with my crowd and we were bound by music, but still, practicalities kept it from going too far, plus just younger is more attractive to the young as well.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

There is something about it though. I have two friends who were divorced in their mid 40s and both had 6 month “relationships” with women in their mid 20s immediately after.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> No, my peers were not any of them banging old guys. I'm not saying no one does. I'm saying most 20-somethings think even slightly older guys are oldish. I mean, consider the brain difference. One isn't fully developed to even be able to anticipate the consequences of their actions yet, and one is a mature brain. Attractive young women don't need to date older. I'm also not saying there aren't older guys who can fit in with their crowd, and the reason is because I dated younger a lot as a woman. But there is a big difference in how serious it can become. I fit in with my crowd and we were bound by music, but still, practicalities kept it from going too far, plus just younger is more attractive to the young as well.


Nor were mine, they were nealy all married and not having sex with anyone at work. When I was in my teens I definitely wasnt interested in guys my age, they were so immature, but once an adult I was never interested in men more that a few years older. I think older men like to think much younger women are attracted to them, but its usually only the richer ones they go after.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ccpowerslave said:


> There is something about it though. I have two friends who were divorced in their mid 40s and both had 6 month “relationships” with women in their mid 20s immediately after.


Not sure thats the norm though, and they didnt last did they.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

OP if you do ask her out please make it clear that you are not wanting anything serious, otherwise you are just playing with her emotions and you may well be messing about with another mans future wife.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Not sure thats the norm though, and they didnt last did they.


No. One guy who is a fairly good friend I have known for many years admitted eventually to himself that the age gap in terms of wisdom for lack of a better term made it unworkable for him. They both ended up getting re-married to women closer to their own age and both are also re-divorced.


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## 347055 (Nov 7, 2020)

I would submit the OP's crush is fully aware of what she is doing, what he has gone through and sees him as a vulnerable target. A lamb easily led to slaughter, a harassment suit opportunity. Why does he think a woman 13 years his junior would have ANY interest in him? Any interest at all should be a red flag for him. Most businesses even when I was working had detailed prohibitions against fraternizing with coworkers because it caused so many problems for the business. They didn't care to be dating clubs and would severely chastise anyone violating the rules. 

The OP needs to recognize his vulnerability, with constantly thinking about the crush. Ask for a transfer to another department or location. Get as far away from her as possible.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

i know lots of men that met their future wife at work.

though what do you mean she is not your type?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> I think older men like to think much younger women are attracted to them, but its usually only the richer ones they go after.


But when you’re a starving 20 year old college student, almost every gainfully employed adult male is richer, has a car, a place of his own and can legally buy drinks. 

Your fellow church girls may not have told you about every older guy they got with - but they still did.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I think you should leave it be. I work for a fortune 100 company and work in a building with over 600 employees, half women. I would never consider dating anyone from work. As a male in 2020, let me tell you brother that NOTHING good can come from this from your prospective. At the very best, you will eventually break up and be allowed to keep your job. 

If you disagree and want to continue, may I suggest baking her a cake like Napoleon Dynamite?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> But when you’re a starving 20 year old college student, almost every gainfully employed adult male is richer, has a car, a place of his own and can legally buy drinks.
> 
> Your fellow church girls may not have told you about every older guy they got with - but they still did.


I know and have known many women who are not 'church girls'. The ones who are largely met their husbands very young, lots of them never even dated another guy but are still happy 40 or more years later. 
I was referring to work places.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ccpowerslave said:


> No. One guy who is a fairly good friend I have known for many years admitted eventually to himself that the age gap in terms of wisdom for lack of a better term made it unworkable for him. They both ended up getting re-married to women closer to their own age and both are also re-divorced.


Yes relationships/marriages with large age gaps often dont work. I mean the thought of dating a man my children's age is just plain weird. Also as they get older one is still relatively young in their 40's or 50's the other is old. Thats often when they break up as they basically end up for many years being the nurse or carer.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

RebuildingMe said:


> I think you should leave it be. I work for a fortune 100 company and work in a building with over 600 employees, half women. I would never consider dating anyone from work. As a male in 2020, let me tell you brother that NOTHING good can come from this from your prospective. At the very best, you will eventually break up and be allowed to keep your job.
> 
> If you disagree and want to continue, may I suggest baking her a cake like Napoleon Dynamite?


The corporate climate is different today and many companies have instituted pretty restrictive policies.

However I would challenge that their current flirty banter and googelly eyes with each other is putting him at greater risk of punitive action than if he were to just legitimately ask her out.

If she says no, then say ok and walk away and leave it at that and restrict your work interactions to filing the TPL reports. 

If she says yes, then conduct yourself as respectful, responsible adults and take your chances.

My point here is people are more at risk having this ongoing flirty banter and innuendo than it is to just make a responsible, mature and respectful offer of a legit date.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> My point here is people are more at risk having this ongoing flirty banter and innuendo than it is to just make a responsible, mature and respectful offer of a legit date.


Gotta agree. Dating someone from work is doable. Dating someone at work is an HR landmine.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Cletus said:


> Gotta agree. Dating someone from work is doable. Dating someone at work is an HR landmine.


It took me a second to catch your play on words but once I got it, I agree completely.

If there is a legit attraction and desire, take it outside of the workplace completely and conduct yourselves as a professional adults.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Yes relationships/marriages with large age gaps often dont work. I mean the thought of dating a man my children's age is just plain weird. Also as they get older one is still relatively young in their 40's or 50's the other is old. Thats often when they break up as they basically end up for many years being the nurse or carer.


That said...

Dating is one thing, marrying is another.

Two people of different ages can enjoy each others company.

Dating is always temporary until marriage arrives, then the relationship is sometimes penned in disappearing ink.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> I think you should leave it be. I work for a fortune 100 company and work in a building with over 600 employees, half women. I would never consider dating anyone from work. As a male in 2020, let me tell you brother that NOTHING good can come from this from your prospective. At the very best, you will eventually break up and be allowed to keep your job.
> 
> If you disagree and want to continue, may I suggest baking her a cake like Napoleon Dynamite?


Lolol!!!!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Yes relationships/marriages with large age gaps often dont work. I mean the thought of dating a man my children's age is just plain weird. Also as they get older one is still relatively young in their 40's or 50's the other is old. Thats often when they break up as they basically end up for many years being the nurse or carer.


I agree. When I hung out at work (back when you could do that) with people in their 20s they seemed like kids to me. I think I’m most comfortable with someone near my age (wife is 1.5 years younger).

In my friend’s case once he got over the initial shock from the sex he figured it out.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Marrying a person who is much older, always will end, predictably tragic.

That said...

If the younger one takes on that burden willingly, the tragedy is known beforehand and all is calculated into the mix.
And honestly, having good finances makes the ending more palatable.

While love is eternal, lovemaking is not. 
At least, not without some modifications being added between the love covers.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Life has its share of cougars and old rich playboys.

Both these, the older cougars and the older playboys are temporary, sometimes fancy furniture.

A place to rest your *bass on.

*A @Blondilocks word.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

The Captain said:


> Believe me, a relationship/marriage is the LAST thing I want.


I’m quoting Captain’s earlier post to reiterate that he is NOT looking at this as his next endless love and mother of the rest of his children until death. 

So discussion on the statistics of whether age-gap marriages last forever is irrelevant. 

There’s a cute gal at work that he enjoys and he’s wondering if she likes him too and whether he should hit her up or not. 

He’s not asking about her ring size or whether she would prefer a ranch, split-Level or two-story house.


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## The Captain (Dec 17, 2020)

OP here. While I have enjoyed the spirited banter of this thread, I also feel like it has gone rogue in some places. Entertaining yes, but nevertheless, my mind is made up. I am not going to ask her out, and I will tone down the flirting. There’s just way too much to risk, and I very much want us to stay friends. Friends are what we all need in this crazy pandemic. She’s a very nice person and I really like what we have. Besides, I am determined to stay at my job forever. She really likes her job too. 

If I feel that I “need” companionship, then I can look elsewhere, as in: outside of work. I’m considering this case closed. There are PLENTY of other fish in the sea.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

The Captain said:


> OP here. While I have enjoyed the spirited banter of this thread, I also feel like it has gone rogue in some places. Entertaining yes, but nevertheless, my mind is made up. I am not going to ask her out, and I will tone down the flirting. There’s just way too much to risk, and I very much want us to stay friends. Friends are what we all need in this crazy pandemic. She’s a very nice person and I really like what we have. Besides, I am determined to stay at my job forever. She really likes her job too.
> 
> If I feel that I “need” companionship, then I can look elsewhere, as in: outside of work. I’m considering this case closed. There are PLENTY of other fish in the sea.


You’ve just made perhaps your best career move ever.


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## The Captain (Dec 17, 2020)

Sorry for sounding wishy-washy, but this kind of crush was new territory for me, as is everything after a divorce. I just wanted the input of everyone here. I've been lurking here for a long time, and I respect ya'll's opinion.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The Captain said:


> Sorry for sounding wishy-washy, but this kind of crush was new territory for me, as is everything after a divorce. I just wanted the input of everyone here. I've been lurking here for a long time, and I respect ya'll's opinion.


No worries!

One of the best reasons to come visit; an opportunity to bounce things around!! 👍👍👍


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

The Captain said:


> OP here. While I have enjoyed the spirited banter of this thread, I also feel like it has gone rogue in some places. Entertaining yes, but nevertheless, my mind is made up. I am not going to ask her out, and I will tone down the flirting.


Not going to second guess your choice. Just remember, if it matters, most of us at the end regret the things we did not do in life, not the things we did.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Cletus said:


> Not going to second guess your choice. Just remember, if it matters, most of us at the end regret the things we did not do in life, not the things we did.


I agree 100%. I just subscribe to the notion that I don’t crap where I eat.


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## The Captain (Dec 17, 2020)

RebuildingMe said:


> I just subscribe to the notion that I don’t crap where I eat.


Also:
Don't dip your pen in the company ink.
Don't fish off the company pier.

I'm sure there are more. For good reason.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Sorry, this ending is so sad. 

And it is incomplete.

Send your crush here on TAM, please!


_The Typist-_


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