# Advice of how to play in the backdoor?



## tnt20years (Aug 11, 2008)

OK, this is a little awkward, but could someone give me advice on this. My husband and I have never been able to have backdoor sex. We've tried a coupld of times without any luck. He's afraid of hurting me, and I'm very nervous as well. But I would love to do it if I could. I know it can be done. I've purchased some desensitizing cream and I thought I would practice??? Does anyone have any other advice? or suggestions to help prepare me for this???


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

I am not a big fan of the back door, but I would like to make this one point: Don't use desensitizing cream. Your body creates pain to help keep you from damage. If you use a local anaesthetic, you are going against the bodies protection system.

Rather than dull the pain, if you stretch yourself slowly, over several sessions, you need not have any serious pain. And what pain you do have might be quite pleasant (if you are already sexually arroused). You need to be turned on before you start, or even after an orgasm or two.

You need plenty of lube, and you need to work up to your husband's size slowly. If he does not want to practice with his fingers, get 3 dildos a thin one a medium on and a fatter one. Work your way up! Dildos for back-door use are flared or have a base, so you don't accidentally loose them, oops! (This is because the sphincter can suddenly start sucking)

Lube Lube Lube. KY is good, Astroglide is said to be very good for this sort of thing.


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## Farfignewton (Aug 10, 2008)

DO NOT USE DESENSITIZING CREAM!

I can not stress that enough! You need to feel the pain so that you know if something is wrong. 

I highly recommend ID Millennium lube. The key to this kind of play is taking it SLOW and using lots and lots of lube. I recommend getting a few toys specifically designed for this purpose and starting out with the smallest one and working your way up to something the size of your partner's penis.

You need to get really turned on like near the point of orgasm and then start playing with the smallest toy. I swear that you will have some of the most intense orgasms of your life! We don't do it often, but whew, it is nice to throw in once in a while!

Let me know if you need anymore info.


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## tnt20years (Aug 11, 2008)

OK, thank you both, I'll try the stretching technique with lots of lube. Will it then stretch easier each time? Also, should he wear a condom? I've also read something about enema's???


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Not only will it stretch easier, but you will learn to let go easier.
I would not do it without a condom for various reasons.


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

I used to date a peurto rican woman who wanted anal more then vaginal. It got a bit old after a while but the key is warm up and go slow. 10x slower then vaginal sex. After you get nice and warmed up you can actually go pretty fast. (make sure you're empty also, an enema might be a good idea).


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## Farfignewton (Aug 10, 2008)

You don't have to do an enema, but if it makes you feel better than go ahead. I have never had need of one, but I only do anal when I know I am "clean". We have never used condoms for this kind of play. Have him take a leak after the deed and wash up well. Both of you should wash up afterward actually and lysol the bed just in case. Then again, I'm a bit OCD. lol.

Yes, it will get easier over time. The more relaxed you get with the whole situation, the easier it will be. I don't know if you're a drinker or not, but I would recommend just a glass or two of champagne or wine to get you relaxed the first time around. Don't get drunk, you need to be aware. Or have your husband give you good massage to chill you out.

I also recommend taking fiber for the next few days afterward so that if you did tear anything then it will heal better because your bowel movements won't reopen the wound. I don't recommend full on penetration with his penis until you're totally comfortable with the toy that is his size. I'd say use the his size toy a good handful of times at least before he tries to penetrate.

Good luck!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I use to be on a site that gave sex advise. Here were the pearls of wisdom as I remember them.

1) Do not have sex until 2 hours after a bowl moment. And don't if you feel like you need to have a moment.

2) Use lots of lube. This should have been #1. They make some brands just for "back door".

3) When it is first being inserted act like you are pushing out just at the rim, It will help to slide in easier.

4) Relaxing is important.

5) Have a safe word to stop if need be.

6) Stimulate first.

7) Anilingus

that is all I can think about right now.

draconis


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## amber (Jul 14, 2008)

First of all, my advice is lose the desensitizing cream. I know anal sex is painful at first, but it's important to have those feelings...if he's being too rough or if something isn't feeling right, you want to know about it so you don't end up hurt. 

Before you even get to the "sex" part...engage in alot of foreplay using fingers, tongue toys, whatever. I know it's easy to say you have to relax..but you do. Use one finger first, then two, then three and work your way up to the sex that way. LOTS of LUBE is key, and go slow. It will seem really awkward at first, but don't be afraid to stop and start again as many times as you need too. If you can be candid about it, then it will help ease any nervousness you may have. A glass of wine doesn't hurt either...lol.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

ive been doing this for years and its a favourite.
we started of gently as you would. 
lie on the bed and both of you facing the same way. him behind you.
to start of with you might want some ky jelly. only as a topical solution.
i agree with amber - relax first , have a glass of wine and foreplay to get you both in the mood.
have a little bit of oral and normal sex first. this wil increase your appetite.
when you first start, well it might take several sessions before you achieve n e benefits.
when you try, it wil hurt, ask him to pull back, he has to be very gentle. do this over and over again. you wil not achieve full anal sex for a little while. so tell eachother its fun to keep trying.
if he forces to much he could rip you and cause alot of damage.
just keep on with the back and fore and ask him to use his hand on your front for further stimulus.
this allows the back muscles to stretch open a little further.
have fun


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