# How did your children do after your divorce?



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Did they cope, and if so how long did it take, and was their age a factor?


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

I'm not sure if their age was a factor or not. 

They are 14 and 16 now...12 and 14 at the time of D. My 16 year old sons grades dropped immediately at the time of the divorce. My 14 year old daughters grades were all A's at the time of D but have fallin steadily since. This could be teenage stuff, divorce, or a combination of the two.

Socially I think they have withdrawn somewhat. This could be partly age. I remember spending a lot of time in my room when I was a teenager. They still have friends and hang out with them. 

My daughter wants to live with me but she's afraid of my ex's reaction and the subsequent guilt trip that will insue. My son seems to be more easy going about everything. They do not know she was cheating on me. If they did I'm sure things would be very different. My daughter would hate my ex and my son would lose respect for her as well. 

I do have a 21 yo stepson...her son. He knows about her cheating...figured it out himself. He's on his own and lives with his friends. He lived with her for a short time but couldn't stand it. I think he's ok but seems to lack much motivation. I don't think he dates anyone. He was dating a girl but she cheated on him. That combined with his own mothers behavior, has left him with some trust issues.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Age is a factor. If you want to see bitter and angry kids then look at grown kids when their parents divorce. It's always nasty and they take sides. Young kids on the other hand seem to cope well.


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## daddymikey1975 (Apr 18, 2009)

My kids were 10, 6, 4, and 3. 

now 12, 8, 6, and almost 5.

My oldest sons grades dropped like a rock. The other three kids withdrew some, but I made it a priority to see then all the time and was picking them up from work quite a bit. We eventually switched to 50/50 custody with a week on and week off. 

I believe the initial transition of every other day, switched to every other week helped them adjust quite a bit. 

My oldest son lives with me full time now and chooses not to see his nom very much. I encourage him to (despite my feelings on the issue) but he refuses and I leave it at that. 

He is now on honor roll and doing fantastic. The other three kids bounced back rather quickly and are doing fine both in school and out of school.


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

My kids were 23 and 25 when the D was final. The youngest tells me he feels like he has no family. Even though his brother and I are often together with him, he feels very divided. Their lives are ok, oldest getting married, they both have great jobs, good friends. But there is something gone from their lives that can never be returned. And I have to see it on their faces even though I had nothing to do with causing it. Their Dad is remarrying soon, that is also a burden for them


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

The girls were 8 and 12 at the time their mother announced.
The oldest became distracted quite a bit for a while. 
She decided she didn’t want to be with her grandmother who was being paid to “baby sit” her. 
Don’t ask me why a 12 year old needs her grandmother to be paid to be with her…I never got paid for being a father.
The grades fell a bit, but it was towards the end of the school year.

The youngest bonded closer with certain friends and adapted well because she had a large environment to go to for care.
Later she got bored with it, but that’s to be expected.

My youngest observed to me this summer that she thought the oldest had been more affected by the divorce than she was. 
She has noticed certain inconsistencies with her sisters actions.

But they did bounce back although maybe not as completely as the leaving parent would like to think.

End result is still that being children of divorced parents gives them a 15% greater chance to divorce and takes an average of five years off their lives.
But as long as the ex is “happy and leading a fulfilled life” who F’ing cares …right?


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

Boys are 14 and 16, were 13 and 15 at the time. Grades dropped intially but have went back up. They are doing well, I try to get them to open up but they don't much. My oldest had lots of questions early on and we talked about them. They witenessed us fighting for years so I don't think they were shicked when D day came.


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