# First (Introductory) Session



## Anthony Wellers

Well, last night I went to IC, regarding 'Wife gets too touchy with male friends'

Arrived a bit late, combination of under-estimating how long it would take to get across town and not checking the map properly beforehand (I don't use SatNav, maybe I should).

Luckily, the first 15 minutes are for filling in paperwork. Thanks to my speed-reading skills, I filled them out in 5 minutes flat, so I didn't lose any time on my introductory session.

The counsellor (a woman, always a woman) seemed quite mature, though younger than me, so I was hopeful that she would be more than just someone who went by the book.

Anyway, I told her the issue (my thoughts: "What? You didn't read my letter?"). I told her that according to my wife "I'm here to sort my issues out". She took me literally and didn't realise I was quoting my wife (though this didn't become evident until some time later).

We got the background crap and the Freudian stuff out of the way. She (the counsellor) almost begrudgingly admitted that there are two sides to the issue, and even that my wife's, behaviour was inappropriate (apparently it's in their guidelines to not venture an opinion).

For the most part though, she asked the kind of dumb questions that she has been trained to ask. Here are some examples;

"When was the last time you as a couple were truly happy"

I told her there have been ups and downs, just like any relationship. I should have said "When we owned a unicorn farm!"

"When did you stop being you?"

My thoughts ("WTF is she drivelling about?"), I can't even remember what my response was.

At the end of the session I came to the conclusion that she was very naive and inexperienced. I even had to explain to her about 'cougar-hunters'.

From what I've read about this IC, the follow on sessions will be with a different counsellor. On the way out I gave her the paperwork for the return appointment. She seemed a bit surprised, and I wondered if she felt she had been no help at all (or had blown it by saying more than she should have, professionally).

I will go to one more session (and hope that the next counsellor is a bit more 'world-wise'). I want to focus on three things;

1) Communication techniques (or "How do you talk to a wife who doesn't want to talk about anything that she finds disagreeable and won't go to MC because "that would involve a third person").

2) Recommended 'Self-Help Guides' - It would be interesting to see if she recommends any that have been recommended on TAM.

3) Alternative sources of help in relationships.


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