# Which did you marry?



## sd1mb (Sep 14, 2012)

Did you marry the 'love of your life', or did you marry the person you were with when you were ready to settle down?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I married a shell of a woman that I once loved and I wasn't ready to settle either. It was madness

Just... baby bells, bad mistake


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

This is kind of ironic....

H's friends kidded him over the fact that I was "choosing" him based on fit for life. At the time, he was steadily employed, practical, had a zest for life, loved to cook, adventurous. His friends used to tease him he was a good catch for some woman.

I married based on point match.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I married the man of my dreams/love of my life...even though when we met I was NOT ready to settle down, but he was worth it, so settle down I did.
.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I married the woman I thought was the love of my life BEFORE I really knew my self or what I wanted in a partner and relationship.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

The 'love of my life' was a girl I date in college. I knew she was the one. I would have married her in a heartbeat at the age of 22, even though she was only 19. Apparently she didn't get that memo. I lost her and was devastated. Years later (at 25) I met a woman and we started dating. After just under a year we had an oops and she got pregnant. So, without too much fanfare we got married. Twenty three years later we're still going strong. I guess what I'm saying is I married the 'love of my life' and didn't even realize it at the time.


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## thatguy007 (Jul 25, 2011)

Thunder, I know what you mean on the 'love of your life'. I had a similar thing except it was 21 and 18. I thought I was doing the right thing by waiting to ask, and then she broke it off with me. Later, while she was engaged to another guy, she told me she was just waiting for me to ask and when I didn't she assumed I wasn't ready and went looking for someone who was. I was devastated when I lost her and again when she told me that.

Anyway, to answer the original question, 'the person you were with when you were ready to settle down' and it has ended in divorce for me.

That said, I know more about what I want and what it takes in a marriage - and fortunately I'm still young enough (32) to do something with it.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

I married the love of my life. She was perfect in every way. 

I wonder whatever happened to her? Haven't seen her in about 5 years.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I literally married the love of my life. I couldn't be any luckier or happier then I already am. I have a fantastic husband who really values his marriage and family.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I married the love of my life! Many know our story and I have no idea how I knew at 17 years old. I only had one other girlfriend! I probably was not ready, but she was pregnant, so I married her. Best decision of my life! (And she is cute too...well more like HOT)


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

I was lucky enough to find the love of my life when we were both ready to settle down. Still completely in love with him.


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## yours4ever (Mar 14, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I married the man of my dreams/love of my life...even though when we met I was NOT ready to settle down, but he was worth it, so settle down I did.
> .


Same here!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Meh, it was only just a dream
Nelly - Just A Dream - YouTube

Good song though, kinda depressing, bah... need to change music!


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

I married for sex - we lost our first child at birth out of wedlock & I think this bonded us. We are friends still but the loving sex bit is very much in doubt and flux at the moment.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

The love of my life since I was 14. He didn't give me the time of day until I was 18 and he was 22.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & mine both married for  ...each our 1st loves (all before us were puppy loves)... He would have married me at 18... but I wasn't ready ... I didn't marry him for his ...as I made more at the time...and he didn't marry me for my abilities in bed....as I made him wait for intercourse...

We both shared the same dreams...the same vision of happiness...The Pastor asked us for a few scriptures to read at our ceremony... one that I wanted him to use was... "*There is a time & a season unto Heaven"* ...as it seemed we were led there....8 months earlier we moved into a little house on a hill ... he just got health benefits at work...which we needed to start our family......I was 22, he was 25....a year later came the  in the baby carriage...


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

sd1mb said:


> Did you marry the 'love of your life', or did you marry the person you were with when you were ready to settle down?


Both, I married my first wife when I was ready to settle down. 


BAD MISTAKE!!!!! I KNEW by the end of the honeymoon that I had made a mistake. Hung in their 2.5 years until she left me. 


Second time, I married the love of my life... Worked out marvelously...


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## Kaboom (Feb 6, 2013)

The latter. I married the one I was with at the time in my life that everyone told me was time to settle down and get married. She also did her fair share of pushing me into it- I was very reluctant, although I couldn't act it without hurting her feelings, so I just went with the flow.

Learned something. Trust my instincts. Screw other peoples opinions, as they always are wrong. In fact, my opinion in your case is undoubtedly wrong, so screw my opinion too.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I married because I was in love


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

We both married the love of our life , 18yrs and now separated 8mths.
Just goes to show , never safe . Wonder if l married the mismatch gf l dumped before her , what would've become of that.
Ha , prolly still be miserable but married.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Settled for the gal who would take me the first time.

Older, wiser, and marrying the love of my life the second time.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Anubis said:


> Settled for the gal who would take me the first time.
> 
> Older, wiser, and marrying the love of my life the second time.


How cool it's worked out that way for you Anubis, lets drink to happiness :smthumbup:


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> The love of my life husband would have married anyone that looked good and was nice to him.


I normally lurk on the men's page and don't post, but I just wanted to say I think that's exactly what happened to me. You just don't realize it until it's too late.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

distraughtfromtexas said:


> I normally lurk on the men's page and don't post, but I just wanted to say I think that's exactly what happened to me. You just don't realize it until it's too late.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


IMO, a LOT of people are very concerned with presenting a great image..."got a beautiful home... driving a HOT sports car... Membership to a prestigious country club and a HAWT wife on my arm... Ear your hearts out... I've got it ALL"..

They would rather APPEAR happy than actually be happy..

Their are a LOT of people like that. So, don't be jealous of people that present that perfect "image"... So often, that's exactly what it is... just a false image.


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## nishi_25 (Jun 30, 2013)

sd1mb said:


> Did you marry the 'love of your life', or did you marry the person you were with when you were ready to settle down?


why do they have to be separate?


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## nishi_25 (Jun 30, 2013)

agreed


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

whitehawk said:


> How cool it's worked out that way for you Anubis, lets drink to happiness :smthumbup:


Thanks whitehawk,

The only thing I feel I should say is that I had to learn the hard way. 

My first marriage reads like a table of contents for many of the problems we so often see posed about here. The process of going through it, then ending it, and then dealing with the aftermath was transformative. I learned so much, even when I didn't want to by putting my hand on the stove, and that's why I now stick to my guns and principals religiously. I'm also willing to walk away from 'the love of my life' if our relationship should turn sour and not be reparable. It's why I wouldn't put up with any of the games, BS, passive-aggressive anything, or hidden agendas in ANY of the women I dated post D. It led me to self-examine and self-improve, and do my own version of the 180. I could go on and on, but I think you get the point.

It would have been nice if I could have been this way before I married the first time, and not put in all those wasted years, but at least I learned something before it was too late and my ashes scattered.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

I married because I thought I was supposed to and thought it was time to settle down and do the family thing.

Didn't work out too hot for me.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I married who I thought was "the love of my life". That turned out to be my mistake. I thought she was something much more than who she is.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I married "the love of my life" she did not. She is pretty good about not letting that get in the way of our relationship these days.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I married the woman I loved, but more than just in the erotic way... In other words, yes she was (and still is hot, physically) hot. But there was more to her than just the way she looked. I can't really explain it.

Did the timing in my life have anything to do with it as well? Probably. I guess one could say the planets aligned, corny


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

You skirted the questions. o^0


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> You skirted the questions. o^0


I did, but not sure how one defines "love of your life". I guess I never thought in those terms.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

drerio said:


> I did, but not sure how one defines "love of your life". I guess I never thought in those terms.


Careful, careful. 

I think it would be a great thread. What does the phrase, "Love of Your Life" mean?? 

You see, to me, if I don't think she is the love of my life, why did I waste my time marrying her and doing all the work that goes along with that commitment?? Hmmmm??? 

Truly, I'm not picking on you, d. I just noticed what you wrote and thought, well to be frank, "bull****". LOL

Edit: Why is it you can type ass and not ****? :scratchhead:


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Careful, careful.
> 
> I think it would be a great thread. What does the phrase, "Love of Your Life" mean??
> 
> ...


Just wondering if I have a future running for politics?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

drerio said:


> Just wondering if I have a future running for politics?


Nah. LOL


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I don't remember why really. I was getting out of the service and would have moved home but I couldn't imagine leaving and being without her.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

I never accepted the idea of marrying just to be married. Too nonconformist for that, love of my life it was !


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## HangingVine (Jul 1, 2013)

Love of my life.He insisted.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Love of my life. And he still is.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

ChargingCharlie said:


> The second one. I was a happily single guy in his 30's when my friends that I hung out with met their wives, so I figured I'd better get a move on. Been married 12 years, and wish I had stayed single. Immature, nagging (I do nothing right), asexual (have had sex three times in the past three years). I never know when I come home what kind of mood she's in. It's gotten a lot worse with kids (she tries to be Super Mom and stay right on top of everything, but sometimes you have to let go).
> 
> I keep thinking I'll wake up and realize this was a long dream, and that I'm still single doing what I want and not having to deal with all of the BS. Alas, that's not to be.


My first marriage... I knew by the end of the 1st week that I had made a mistake. But, I soldiered on for 2 plus years. I was so miserable that entire time.. Once I got divorced... I had absolutely no interest in ever being married again..

I had a dream during that period... I was in bed... dozing.. half awake. When, I heard this soft voice behind me... "Well, how does it feel to be married?" In the dream, I was suddenly conscientious. I asked, "What are you talking about.... I'm not married!" all the time... thinking.. who is that... who's voice is that? Who is it?" Soft voice says, "YOU don't remember? We had a blast last night... you just drank too much!" I reply.."BS... I'm not married."... still thinking.. "Who the hell is that????" I"m rational enough to say, "Look... you can't get married in Louisiana in one day... there is a 3 day waiting period after you get your license!!!" And she says, "That's why we went to Texas... don't have that waiting period in Texas"...
And, I'm thinking...'Yeah... that's right... (who in the hell am I talking too?)"... 

This went on for a long time... It was so vivid. Eventually.. my eyes popped open... and I slowly looked over my shoulder... And there was no one in bed with me!!!!! Thank GOD!

It's funny now... Serious business back when it happened!


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Ha, that is funny. My hope is something like that - wake up in my old house, look over, and nobody there. Do what I want with nobody nagging me that I didn't do something right (I get chewed on if I don't park in the spot she thinks I should park in. Trust me, this can cause her to get really *****y). I maintain that this is a function of her insecurity (she wants to please everyone, so she takes it all out on me).


Before I remarried. I was dating (living with) a really cute girl... smart as hell, making big bucks... beautiful home that was paid for... driving a Corvette... And I was thinking, "I can learn to love this girl!!!" Well, after 2 years, it wasn't happening. So I broke up with her... and shortly there after... met the love of my life. 

I could tell some stories... She suffered migraines... I didn't feel like she was giving her doctor an accurate picture, so I went with her. We sat down. The doctor asked her what was going on in her life... She flips open this tiny spiral notebook. She's got ALL the documentation!!! As she does... she's looking at me like, "YOUR fixing to get it now!!!!" I remember thinking, "Whoa!!! I didn't come here to get bush wacked!" Her jaw is set... she's getting angry just thinking about what I did. And I have no idea what she's about to tell. Then she starts, "Let me tell you what HE did!!!" Doctor looks at me... looks back at her... gives a motion with his hand like, "Ok... tell me more."

She says, "On August 8th... at 10 pm... I asked him to make me some toast". I almost interrupted... "What that eastern time or Central time?"

Doctor looks at me... looks back at her... nod's his head and asks, "And did he?"

She looks disgusted, rolls her eyes ..."He, smeared butter on bread... put it on a cookie plate and stuck it in the oven on broil!!!!!" She's really wound up... Like a detective... it is all in her little notebook! I don't stand a chance!

Doctor looks at me... looks at her.. "Yeah???..." he looks confused..

She says, "EVERYBODY knows that toast is brown on both sides and has 5 pats of butter!!!!!" She's really mad...indignant!!!

Doctor closes his eyes.... leans into her... opens his eyes and says, "Deborah... not everybody makes their toast with 5 pats of butter and brown on both sides".


She's prepared.... first fall back position... "Well. 90%!!!"

Doc closes his eyes, takes a breath... leans into her and says, "Deborah... it's not 90%"

Second fall back position.. "Well... way more than HALF!"

Doc closes his eyes.. shakes his head... leans in... opens his eyes and says, "Deborah... I doubt 5% of the people make their toast with 5 past of butter and brown on both sides">

Final fall back... "well that's the way they look in menu at IHOP!!!...

Doc just shook his head.

That was the Eureka moment for me. I had NO IDEA that I was that inadequate in her eyes... I remember thinking, "Yeah... this is never going to work... I need to start thinking about how to get out of this!...

I did both of us a favor and moved on. She did eventually get married. We live about 2 blocks apart.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

ChargingCharlie said:


> God, that sounds eerily familiar. Her: "There's a spot right there". Me driving past it as she points it out: "Where?" Her: "You don't listen to me, you don't talk to me, etc" Me: "WTF? So I parked two spots down because I didn't see it" Her: "Forget it!" and leaves in a huff. Me: "?" Her in a pissy mood rest of day


I wonder if it would help if you video taped her.. so she can see herself?


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