# Feels wrong to even say I am considering this but I could really use some advice



## Sunshine_and_Rain (Jul 28, 2010)

Hello, this is my first post on here so it is nice to meet everyone.

It really feels wrong to admit I am considering a divorce. We have been married only 1.5 years. Before we were married we dated about the same about of time, so been together about 3 years. 

I never saw myself as getting married, never been around many successful marriages in my life and since I do not want children I didn't really have any desire to jump into one. However my husband wanted to marry me almost straight from the get go. I even told him no multiple times, he just kept pushing and I gave in eventually. I know how stupid that all sounds, in the last year I have gotten a lot better at standing up for myself but I still thought I should let you know how it all went down.

I have retyped how to start off with how our marriage is now about 6 times and still don't know how to start. I feel like he is a great guy and I am a self-destructive jerk. I cannot count the number of times I have been driving home thinking how easy it would be to just keep driving and never go back. 

Most days it feels like I am married to a child. Several months ago we were having a conversation about bills and I realized he had no idea how much our expenses were...none at all, didn't even know what our rent was. Because I that I told him he needed to be in charge of managing our finances for a while. In the 6 months he has been in charge of the bills we have had; 1 eviction notice, power shut off twice, and the cable shut off 4 times. Most of these times the money has been in the bank he just forgot to pay. It sounds so stupid to be upset over it when I type it out like this but I feel like it is just an example of his attitude on responsibility.

Physically I am no longer attracted to him. He does not watch at all what he eats and is now obese to the point he really needs to be worrying about his health. When he comes home from work is will not shower before going to bed, even if is is planning to be intimate, and with his job he comes home sticky and smelly. Finally when he dresses for anything other than work he is always throwing on obviously dirty clothes (he has clean ones). There have been times I have felt embarrassed being seen out with him because of his lack of hygiene and grooming. 

Our sex life is abysmal but that is pretty much all my fault. He wants to have sex with me but I just not interested. After sex with him I find myself feeling a bit used, which is not a feeling that sits well with me. As much as I know he loves me, in bed it is just always very to the point to get the job done, for lack of a better way to put it.

Thing is that he really is a great guy. He is sweet and caring and only wants the best for me. I am closed off, *****y, and border-lining on being an alcoholic. If there was a good guy and a bad guy in this relationship I would be the bad guy. 

I don't know what to do. I have talked with him about issues I am having but it does not seem to click with him how bad it has gotten. It is like he sees our relationship through rose colored glasses where everything will work itself out. I am leaving town for a week and a half to go see my family, without him, and I am hoping I will come back refreshed to handle our relationship but I really doubt that will happen.


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## Wisp (Jul 17, 2010)

Have the break as you said, these things take time and you are frustrated. 

Do handle this with care, try to take logical steps and let your husband know in absolute terms where you are with your relationship. There must be no doubt or surprises as to the steps you want to take. Write it down for him, then there is no misunderstanding. 

You need to communicate some guys are guys and just do not get the message until it hits them in the face.

Be sure this is just not a phase and something else is triggering this i.e medical or annoying habits etc.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Sunshine_and_Rain said:


> I am leaving town for a week and a half to go see my family, without him, and I am hoping ......


Of the quote above? First four words good... rest? bad!!!!


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## jeffreygropp (Jun 9, 2010)

The thing is, despite the fact that you know yourself to be a "bad person" you really aren't. You are looking out for him and it sounds like compensating TOO much for him which is what I am going through. You'd like him to return some of the favors. Maybe lose a few lbs and take those showers - then you wouldn't mind paying the bills so much.

Maybe if he spent more time grooming, you would be more willing to put the alcohol down?

This is just simple give and take and in a relationship you have to have the balance. 

Talk to him. Tell him what you just wrote out. What is the worst that can happen? He either says "I can't do that" and it's over (what you are wanting right now anyway, right?) or he has an epiphany and says "WOW you're right, I am on it." and things get better.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Yea, THE alcohol..

Dont use the situation as a reason /excuse to drink. If you expect anyone to take responisibility and self respect you should too. 
Remove this as a factor. Whether you're going it alone or with him, be sober and strong in who you are.!!

Put it down and go to the gym.


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