# What should I do? Things got out of hand



## internationalgal

So I mentioned before that I believe my husband has a problem with alcohol. 
Well last night I went out with some friends for the first time in like a year. My husband stayed home with the two kids. When I got home I was a little tipsy and i went straight to bed. This was like at 11pm. Both my little ones woke up shortly after and came into bed with me. 
At around 3am my husband came to bed. I later (this morning) saw that he drank a medium size bottle of vodka, then went out and bought a large bottle and drank about 1/3 of it. 
When my husband came to bed at 3am he just threw his body onto the bed and passed out, in his clothes. I looked over and saw that he was partially laying on our 3 year old. My husband is a big guy (240 and 6'4") and I worried that he might hurt the baby. So i tried to move him off her, but it was hard, he was passed out drunk. I kept saying: Please move! He finally responded by calling me a **** over and over again.

I managed to finally push him off the baby and I fell back asleep. He woke up later and got out of bed. I thought he must be going to shower to go to work. But I did not hear the shower turn on. I heard a noise but could not make it out. I got out of bed, turned on the lights. I found my husband in the kids room. He had peed all over the kids stuff- all over the floor, their toys, books, etc. I said: not again! (this is the second time in less than a month that he has peed in the middle of the night drunk in the house. Last time it was on our bedroom and in the bed!). I said: it's the kids room!! you peed on your kids stuff!! Clean it up!! He looked at me dazed, walked around confused. I finally said: you have a problem with alcohol.

He looked at me and SLAPPED me as hard as he could across the face.

He then went into the kids room and passed out. I was shocked. I cleaned the pee and went back to bed.

I don't know what to do. I didn't want to call the police and have them come here at 5am and for my kids to see that. I can't tell my family or friends because I feel ashamed. I feel weak for not leaving or calling the police, but I don't want my kids world to fall apart. I love them so much. Please, what should I do? What should I tell him?

I told him this morning that he was an ******* and that I could not believe he hit me. I told him my face still hurt he hit me so hard. He said: I wish I'd hit you harder. 

Who says that? Why?


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## michelle13

I'm sorry to say this but... He will do it again. He basically said he would, he didn't express remorse whatsoever. Next time he might not stop at a slap. He also might not stop with just hitting you. He might hit one of your children. There are no easy choices in your situation. Be strong and trust that your family will be there for you. I am sorry you're going through this.


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## LoriC

Oh wow, what are you waiting for? LEAVE!!! What is to stop him from hurting your children???


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## internationalgal

LoriC said:


> Oh wow, what are you waiting for? LEAVE!!! What is to stop him from hurting your children???


Well he really does love his kids and is a good father. 
He claims he was blacked out and doesn't remember hitting me. This doesn't make it ok right?

He says he will address his problem but won't stop drinking. He says he'll drink less. I've heard it before. He won't drink for 3-4 days and then say: see I have it unde
r control. But I know he'll drink again and when he will drink until he is drunk. There is no casual drinking with him. I told hi he needed to stop all together but I doubt he'll do that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoriC

Do you understand that the drinking is just one of his issues? He disrespected you in the ultimate way a spouse never should. He hit you and told you he should have hit you harder. He will drink again and he will hit you again. You will remember my post when he hits one of your children, that will happen too. He is uninterested in getting help, not even remorseful for what he did to you. You need to leave, my only advice to you.


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## richie33

Man I hate hearing stories like this. What a terrible way to live. Life is too short...get out before it gets worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort

You're worried your kids world will fall apart if you leave but you're not worried about them growing up in a house with a violent drunk? Really? Is this really about the kids? Often people will use the kids as an excuse to avoid making the tough decisions that need to be made. your kids will grow up mad at you that you kept them in a house with a violent drunk. Read up about adult children of alcoholics. Leave now. Fyi, I too left a violent drunk and our kids are fine. He's still a great father and has since reduced his drinking, and is much happier as he didn't want to be married to me either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable

A very loving 240 lb guy falling on a baby can kill a kid about as quickly as an abusive 240 lb guy falling on the same kid. If he "blacks out" and punches you, why might he not sling a toddler against the wall in the same condition? 
The guy isn't safe to be around. Your pride may be worth more than your own safety but you have at least one kid. 
Not to be ugly or mean, but repeat each of his excuses and repeat each of your own excuses. At the end of each excuse, say "and that's why my child is dead." You will find the excuse sounds woefully inadequate. Such excuses are told every day in emergency rooms, to police detectives, to juries. You can only protect children while they're still alive. 
Ironically, having this guy arrested, ejected from the house, or watching his family drive away might just be what it takes for him to save his own life. A guy pissing on his kids' stuff and smacking his wife around, and damned near crushing his own child all in the same night is a guy who's tiptoeing on the edge of his own grave.


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## totamm

internationalgal said:


> I didn't want to call the police and have them come here at 5am and for my kids to see that. I can't tell my family or friends because I feel ashamed. I feel weak for not leaving or calling the police, but I don't want my kids world to fall apart.


Your unwillingness to take the proper action is going to cause more problems then the ones you are so desperately trying to avoid.

He needs a hard dose of reality

Otherwise you'll be nursing injuries inflicted by his physical abuse and constantly hosing down the children's toys.

You didn't create this problem but you do need to deal with it.


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## Wiserforit

internationalgal said:


> Well he really does love his kids and is a good father.


A good mother would not be saying that. Make the right choices now.


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## sadsusie

I agree, i believe you should get out. I completely understand that you area afraid and ashamed. Don't underestimate the kindess and understanding of friends, strangers, and even enemies for that matter. I believe that we *all* have our own little problems (your friends and family do too - they will understand) 
My husband and I have been friends for 13 years with an alcoholic couple. She he was worse...she progressed into having to be hospitalized, and had been through rehab twice. I tried to keep my distance a bit because my husband is an alcoholic..I do not drink..and I refuse to watch it progress into idiocy. So I was not as close to her or them as I could have been. I never even sent her flowers. Well, they recently came for a visit..my husband dragging hers to a strip club and refusing to leave (her husband came home alone) mine stayed out all nite. She is sober now and she only person I laid out my burden too...and even though I never even sent her flowers or called to check on her...she has already called me twice to make sure I am doing okay. - do not underestimate other people. YOU WILL HAVE HELP. But you really do need to leave now...Best of luck


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## monkeysmommy

internationalgal~ I have never posted here, just reading on topics that interest me or that I am struggling with.

I read your post and I am truly heartbroken and horrified! My husband is an alcoholic and has been in treatment. However, he still drinks. He has also passed out cold, urinated in strange places, almost set our house on fire (due to passing out while having a fire going outside), and has scared our oldest son (he is 5). 

Within the last few months his drinking has gotten out of control once again and this time he raised his hand to me, threatening to hit me. He only does this when he is drunk and that a DOES NOT make it okay. I told him when he was drunk and sober that if he ever hit me I would call the police and I will press charges. I know that our children will be upset, confused, and hurt, at first, but in the long run, it is for their safety. 

Your husband has a HUGE issue and, from your post, it seems as though he is not looking to get help or is slightly remorseful for his actions. By him stating that he wished he hit you harder, is A HUGE RED FLAG. I do not care that he is a great loving father. I am so scared for you and your children with his behavior. Please please please~ do something to protect yourself and mostly your kids.

I know leaving is NOT easy, as many people say just leave or get out...not that easy to do. However, you must do something ASAP. His behavior is out of control and someone will get hurt sooner rather then later.

I wish you the best of luck~


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## LoriC

monkeysmommy said:


> I know leaving is NOT easy, as many people say just leave or get out...not that easy to do. However, you must do something ASAP. His behavior is out of control and someone will get hurt sooner rather then later.
> 
> I wish you the best of luck~



I disagree, leaving is very easy and essential to protect your children. There is nothing I wouldnt do to protect my children. Leaving is EASY!!


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## blackeugene

What you have here is a really big problem. Once you got hit, you will get hit again for sure. Alcohol addiction is a more increasing problem lately and violence often starts from that. It's either you take action or continue suffering.

I wish you well!


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## MattMatt

He is out of control and dangerous to your, your kids, himself.

Seek help for you and your kids.


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## DizzyD

I have been in your shoes. My husband would do the same thing. When I demanded he stop drinking or I would leave, he did... only for a while. He was an alcoholic. He never admitted that or got treatment. He was a good person in his heart. He was a good father. He had many redeeming qualities about him. But he couldn't stop drinking or acting nuts when he was drunk. 
I stayed because I thought he could change, because I didn't want the kids to grow up poor and fatherless, because I was scared to tell anyone what was really going on in our house, because I thought it wasn't "that bad", because I thought I had some control over it (like by being nicer or making his life easier or loving him more). 
I worked nights as a nurse. One morning I got home and he was sitting in the living room looking very upset and the kids were not in sight. That was the sickest feeling I've ever felt in my entire life. It turns out that he got so drunk he fell on our little daughter and peed all over her. Her and her brother were crying and the neighbors called the police... thank God. The cops took the kids and couldn't find me (my dear little 4 year old son couldn't remember which nursing agency I worked for although he tried really hard) and CPS came and got them. They were okay. CPS brought them to me that day and told me that if I left them with him again (if he didn't get treatment) they would take them away from me. I was a good mom. I loved my kids more than the entire world. How could this happen to me? This was a wake up call for me. It could have been disastrous. I left him and never looked back.
Two years later he got drunk and fell asleep with a cigarette in his hand. He burned the house down and died in that fire. We could have been there.

Because I am looking back on my situation (the kids are now 18 and 19) I have some clarity that you don't have. Alcoholism turns decent men into monsters. There is nothing you can do to "fix" him. If you don't act now, there could be devastating consequences. It will be hard and you will miss the good parts about him but you will have peace of mind again and you will know that you and your kids are safe. Hopefully you will have learned to never get into a relationship with an addict again. This is very valuable. 

Be strong and do what you know is right by your kids. Who knows? Maybe it will be the wake up call that he needs to get help. I wouldn't count on that though.


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## bbdad

Wow!!! The guy passes out on your kid, urinates all over the kids room and you still claim he is a good father. I sorry, but that is just stupid. He is a drunk @$$hole!!

Next, he hits you and says he should have done it harder. There will be a next time. Either he breaks something on you, or hits you hard enough for a concussion. Hopefully he doesn't hit the kids. 

I can't stupid sh!t like this. The guy needs a serious @$$ beating. If you don't get out of there NOW, then you are willingly putting your kids in a dangerous situation. Are you going to be able to live with yourself when he starts beating on them? Call the police, file a report and get the hell out of there. Forget feelings about the guy. He is a danger to you and your kids. Let him get sober and go through treatment. Then, you can consider getting back together if you want. But, I hope you understand that you and your kids are in danger. Protect them and get them out of there. If you are unwilling to leave, at least send the kids to live with family to protect them.


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