# Implications of divorce



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Implications of divorce - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Highlights of Divorce:

Have higher rates of clinical depression.

Seek formal psychiatric care at higher rates.

Men are more likely to commit suicide at some point in their lives.

Have lower life expectancies overall.

Married cancer patients are also more likely to recover than divorced ones.

More likely to have acute infectious diseases, parasitic diseases, respiratory illnesses, digestive illnesses, and severe injuries. 

Some research suggests that childhood trauma, including parental divorce, can lead to much greater risk of heart attack in later life.

Sexually transmitted diseases.


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

Well, there's a strong argument for staying married. Now if someone could just tell my wife.


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## WantWhatsRight (Nov 2, 2011)

StrugglingMan said:


> Well, there's a strong argument for staying married. Now if someone could just tell my wife.


I believe I saw the same info as the OP about a week ago. Indeed, the statistics would indicate a strong argument for staying married.

Yet, correlation (which is all statistics tell you) is not causation. I am going to assume that these statistics involve an overwhelming number of cases where one partner did not want the divorce but the other did. My overall assumption is that some of these indicators (esp. the ones about declining health/increasing rates of morbidity and mortality) are correlated with a subset of divorcees who did not want their spouses to leave them. However, the other rates (for example, those associated with social diseases) are probably caused by the partner who initiated the divorce because he or she wanted to go out carousing (or those who didn't want the divorce, but ultimately chose to hide behind random sex with random people) ...

My question is the reverse: what do you do when you suspect that, if you stay in your marriage, your health will continue to degrade and you'll end up dying early because of living years under a cloud of stress and depression?

That's where I am at right now.


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

Seems to me that all that crummy stuff would also result from staying in a terribly unhappy marriage!


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## WantWhatsRight (Nov 2, 2011)

solitudeseeker said:


> Seems to me that all that crummy stuff would also result from staying in a terribly unhappy marriage!


My point exactly ... I need to learn to say things more directly like this


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I think that we are all happy and unhappy at times in our life. We must have been happy when we got married or foolish and if both were mentally healthy, we would have seen the signs.

Changes happen in life and to bail from the marriage during the unhappy times does not gaurentee happiness in divorce. The study by the Unv of Chicago (at the link) shows that those who stay and work on it are generally much happier 5 years after the down turn than those who divorce.


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## talaash (Dec 17, 2011)

This is me said:


> Have lower life expectancies overall.


I used to have a music teacher in 6th grade, we once wished him happy birthday on the chalk board by writing something along the lines of "many happy returns, may you live a very long life".

He entered the classroom and wrote a little corollary "Thanks for your wishes......I would rather have a short but happy and fulfilling life". 

For some reason that statement has resonated with me all my adult life. Sorry for the digression 

Disclaimer: I am not divorced, considering one though.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I'll take my chances without the ex at this point! 

"Never tell me the odds" - Han F'n Solo!!!


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

WantWhatsRight said:


> My question is the reverse: what do you do when you suspect that, if you stay in your marriage, your health will continue to degrade and you'll end up dying early because of living years under a cloud of stress and depression?
> 
> That's where I am at right now.


My H said that if he stayed w/ me he would be dead w/in a few years ... I'd like to test that theory (said in a loving way - of course).

I seriously want him back and want him back happy. I have asked (ok - nagged him) to go to the dr and he never goes... he's not that worried about his health.


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

Personally, at the rate things were going, if I had continued living that life another month or two, I would have ended my life.


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## WantWhatsRight (Nov 2, 2011)

Mamatomany said:


> My H said that if he stayed w/ me he would be dead w/in a few years ... I'd like to test that theory (said in a loving way - of course).


Well I am certainly not implying anything that drastic, however recently the magnitude of my lower back pain has appeared to have a direct correlation with how badly my marriage is going ...


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## luckycardinal (Feb 7, 2012)

I'm actually a public health student (working full time too - with a partner that sits at home and does NOTHING) and I've read these statistics. I agree that correlation is definitely not causation and that there are some statistics that show that those in happy marriages get lots of benefit from it in terms of greater health, happiness, even financial success, etc. However, for those in miserable marriages, just hanging on and toughing it out can make your health worse. Also, for the kiddies, living in a home where there is abuse correlates with them becoming abusers later in life or else getting into abusive relationships, as they think this is normal or even unconsciously are attracted to these kinds of relationships.

Now, an anecdote from my own life...since I woke up about 4 years ago and realized that I am in an abusive relationship, I have had severe problems with anxiety-related health issues, chronic pains, etc. I've even been told I have a somatoform disorder, which is basically a set of stress-related physical symptoms. Isn't it funny that when I was in the dark and thought I was just an awful person and my husband was wonderful, I didn't experience these problems? I was abused, but blissfully unaware, so no angst. Now that I've woken up, I have all these problems. Interesting what our minds can do.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I think we all agree it is better to be happy. I certainly want that for both my wife and I, whether this mean as a couple or not. I think divorce is sometimes considered an out from tough times that may not always be tough between the couple. 

One thing about this website is that the healthy happy ones who have weathered tough times are not here giving their thoughts. If they are, I would bet big bucks they are less than 10% of those who visit this place. I would guess for the most part we are all mostly here seeking help and understanding.


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