# Wife not let me touch her



## soulssavers (Nov 13, 2021)

Me and my wife got bit rough patch in life and now trying to get back. Our life turned more like two friends living together than partner. She happy to talk with me, hangout but when come to sex she felt weird the moment I touch her. We try to ignite things about talking things like different girl or guy we find cute in gym (no sexual roleplay just normal talks about them). And try to be open with each other but it doesn't solve the sex issue. We are better with each other emotionally then before but when it's about sex the moment I touch her she feels weird.

Any help or guidance?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

soulssavers said:


> Me and my wife got bit rough patch in life and now trying to get back. Our life turned more like two friends living together than partner. She happy to talk with me, hangout but when come to sex she felt weird the moment I touch her. We try to ignite things about talking things like different girl or guy we find cute in gym (no sexual roleplay just normal talks about them). And try to be open with each other but it doesn't solve the sex issue. We are better with each other emotionally then before but when it's about sex the moment I touch her she feels weird.
> 
> Any help or guidance?


Unless you know what she is doing with her time, there's a good chance that she thinks having you touch her is cheating on her lover.
It's almost a sure sign that she is getting it from somewhere else.
If she was interested in re-igniting a sex life with you, she might take it slow but she would allow you to at least make her comfortable about touching her.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

soulssavers said:


> We try to ignite things about talking things like different girl or guy we find cute in gym (no sexual roleplay just normal talks about them).


Are you sure she's into this sort of thing? That would be a turn-off for a lot of women, I'd think.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

soulssavers said:


> Me and my wife got bit rough patch in life and now trying to get back. Our life turned more like two friends living together than partner. She happy to talk with me, hangout but when come to sex she felt weird the moment I touch her. We try to ignite things about talking things like different girl or guy we find cute in gym (no sexual roleplay just normal talks about them). And try to be open with each other but it doesn't solve the sex issue. We are better with each other emotionally then before but when it's about sex the moment I touch her she feels weird.
> 
> Any help or guidance?


Have you ever had a robust sex life with your wife or has it always been like this?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

soulssavers said:


> We try to ignite things about talking things like different girl or guy we find cute in gym (no sexual roleplay just normal talks about them).


In your situation, this is a terrible idea. You need her to be open to and aroused by the idea of being sexual with YOU, not some dude at the gym. 
Talking about another man means thinking about another man and what’s attractive about him. This is ridiculously counterproductive.

She’s not asexual, she’s just not sexual with you.
She clearly has no sexual attraction / desire for you (and seems sexually repulsed by you). That’s the problem you need to address. 

Why is she not sexually attracted to you?
Was sex always an issue in your marriage?

What was going on with this “rough patch” you’ve been going through?


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## soulssavers (Nov 13, 2021)

Yes kind of, we are Indians and.... Despite the love marriage sex was always not very hot in marriage. More like due to my low sex drives and we had fights about it for long time. It is actually the reason she felt distant as I became more ignorant of her and spent more time with friends. Now we live in Europe and trying to do activities together like hike etc but she says all seems good just when I touch her she feels a stranger touching her. She told me she feel more excited about a guy in gym giving her looks most days then she do with me being around. So that's why we kind of talking about that stuff in bed to atleast bring some spark


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## soulssavers (Nov 13, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> Unless you know what she is doing with her time, there's a good chance that she thinks having you touch her is cheating on her lover.
> It's almost a sure sign that she is getting it from somewhere else.
> If she was interested in re-igniting a sex life with you, she might take it slow but she would allow you to at least make her comfortable about touching her.


She is housewife so definitely not cheating.... We like 24*7 in same house with me working from home


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## soulssavers (Nov 13, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Have you ever had a robust sex life with your wife or has it always been like this?


 please read my comment on dude questions


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

soulssavers said:


> She is housewife so definitely not cheating.... We like 24*7 in same house with me working from home


So if she's at home 24/7 how is gym dude giving her looks?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

soulssavers said:


> REDACTED


That _was_ a valid question. Many people come here and say their spouse has NO time to cheat... yet they find time. MANY affairs also start at the gym. 

Responses like this do not make people want to help you, and it is also a good way to get banned (read the forum rules).


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

She likely requires emotional connection to have sex and perhaps it’s lacking or non-existent. Resentment or pushing never helps and she likely doesn’t see you as a potential sex partner anymore but blowing up her standard of living and quality of life to be with someone else just isn’t worth the pain.

TBH, on its face, she’s friend-zoned you over the resentment I’m sure. Checking other people out together can usually make one partner feel very insecure.

You guys need counseling. If she won’t even talk about sex, you’re NOT in the great place emotionally you think your are. Inability to talk sex is a huge sign of emotional disengagement and intimacy avoidance. If one partner willing friend-zones the other than the underlying foundation of your relationship has been substantially altered and requires some tough discussions.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

soulssavers said:


> Yes kind of, we are Indians and.... Despite the love marriage sex was always not very hot in marriage. *More like due to my low sex drives and we had fights about it for long time. It is actually the reason she felt distant as I became more ignorant of her and spent more time with friends.* Now we live in Europe and trying to do activities together like hike etc but she says all seems good just when I touch her she feels a stranger touching her. She told me she feel more excited about a guy in gym giving her looks most days then she do with me being around. So that's why we kind of talking about that stuff in bed to atleast bring some spark


I believe THIS part I bolded is the key to what might be going on. If you were fighting because she wanted sexual attention from you and you were ignoring her, that part of her might have shut down to you...and she is afraid to trust your sexual interest now and open that part back up to you.

This is a major problem, because she WANTS to be sexual, however she doesn't trust you enough to be that way with you. I would suggest counseling, because if I'm right about her feelings, it's VERY hard to overcome and reconnect. You will both need help for that.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

soulssavers said:


> Yes kind of, we are Indians and.... Despite the love marriage sex was always not very hot in marriage. More like due to my low sex drives and we had fights about it for long time. It is actually the reason she felt distant as I became more ignorant of her and spent more time with friends. Now we live in Europe and trying to do activities together like hike etc but she says all seems good just when I touch her she feels a stranger touching her. She told me she feel more excited about a guy in gym giving her looks most days then she do with me being around. So that's why we kind of talking about that stuff in bed to atleast bring some spark


Assuming you both want more touch, schedule some sessions with a marriage counselor who also is a certified sex therapist. They have extra training n how to help people with sexual problem. The two of you sound like Sensate focus exercises would do wonders.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

*facts:*
so you have low sex drive
she wanted more sex, to the point that you fought numerous times on it
you role play her having sex with other men

*my conjecture:*
she feels like you have given her permission (thru the role playing) to have sex with other men, without asking you

she probably DID have that sex, she enjoyed it, and now its over for you


so since you do not care for sex anymore, why did you not give her a clear hall pass? why keep torturing her?


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## DLC (Sep 19, 2021)

maybe she sees you as a friend rather than a lover. Great to hang out with, can talk about anything, go anywhere, but when it comes to sex, that’s a no go.

or She has issue from the past, which shut down her sex drive.

I don’t know. Marriage / sex therapy may be helpful. Otherwise doesn’t matter how you treats her. Thing is not gonna change.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

soulssavers said:


> Yes kind of, we are Indians and.... Despite the love marriage sex was always not very hot in marriage. More like due to my low sex drives and we had fights about it for long time. It is actually the reason she felt distant as I became more ignorant of her and spent more time with friends. Now we live in Europe and trying to do activities together like hike etc but she says all seems good just when I touch her she feels a stranger touching her. She told me she feel more excited about a guy in gym giving her looks most days then she do with me being around. So that's why we kind of talking about that stuff in bed to atleast bring some spark


Was this an arranged marriage? Before you married, was their mutual physical attraction? You can't just start off as strangers or friends and getting married expecting there to be sexual attraction. On the other hand, if you two were all over each other enjoying kissing and all that before you married, then her feelings about that may have just changed as she got used to living with you or whatever. It sounds like you both had issues with it. 

Just having sex with someone doesn't create passion. Having sex with someone you don't feel sexual with is the opposite of fun for women. 

Do you have to stay married with her because of custom are you free to move on if you decide you made a mistake?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

A wife who is sexually repulsed by her husband’s touch, normally screams that she’s being loyal to another man. In your case, with you being low sex drive, arguing in past about lack of sex, and I’m assuming this being an arranged marriage, the being loyal to OM, may not fit in your case. I will STRONGLY caution against playing the isn’t he hot game. It can be misconstrued as you giving her the green light to hook up with gym guy.


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## thedude3535 (Nov 17, 2021)

soulssavers said:


> she says all seems good just when I touch her she feels a stranger touching her. She told me she feel more excited about a guy in gym giving her looks most days then she do with me being around. So that's why we kind of talking about that stuff in bed to atleast bring some spark


This hit a nerve with me, flashbacks to my first marriage (or rather, the end of it). We had a great first 7 years together, then things went downhill the next 7.

She gave me that exact quote, "feels like a stranger touching me" and I'll never forget it.

The gym part, she didn't quite say it directly, but she DID mention many times that she got "checked out" at the gym (or grocery store, or whatever), and it was like she couldn't wait to tell me, like I was one of her girlfriends or something (and not her husband...).

Why say those things? One reason - she wants YOU to end the relationship, she doesn't want to have to do it. She doesn't want to be the bad guy, nobody does. It's cowardly, and unnecessary, but I digress. I didn't know this at the time, obviously.

In my personal experience, while these things were going on with my ex wife, it often led to sex. She'd come home happy, somebody hit on her or checked her out! (also, working out would increase her libido, so that didn't hurt). But, it was pretty empty sex. No kissing, little foreplay, always from behind those last couple of years. She wanted to get off, and I guess not ruin whatever fantasy she was having by seeing my face, lol.

Bottom line - she didn't find me sexually attractive anymore, and hadn't for some time. Our marriage was still good otherwise (in all the other ways) and we were great together, but she crossed that line, turning our marriage into a friendship in which we had sex 2 or 3 times a week because of sexual need, not intimacy.

When she finally realized this is what happened, all semblance of even a friendship dried up. She hung around until she met somebody else, and she left.

I was so invested in the marriage and fixing it, none of these things occurred to me until afterwards, when it was too late. Now that I know these things, I would have divorced her about 2 years into the marriage.


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## EssexUKMale (Jan 13, 2022)

soulssavers said:


> Me and my wife got bit rough patch in life and now trying to get back. Our life turned more like two friends living together than partner. She happy to talk with me, hangout but when come to sex she felt weird the moment I touch her. We try to ignite things about talking things like different girl or guy we find cute in gym (no sexual roleplay just normal talks about them). And try to be open with each other but it doesn't solve the sex issue. We are better with each other emotionally then before but when it's about sex the moment I touch her she feels weird.
> 
> Any help or guidance?


Does sound like maybe she could be cheating. A lot of cheaters cut sex of with them spouse. Kinda like they don’t want to cheat on their affair partner.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

It's a power play. She has the power of the *****. And she knows it. She likes to be in control, right? She is now. Be patient, my friend, Maybe quite trying and see how that goes


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## EssexUKMale (Jan 13, 2022)

Longtime Hubby said:


> It's a power play. She has the power of the ***. And she knows it. She likes to be in control, right? She is now. Be patient, my friend, Maybe quite trying and see how that goes


Huh? I don’t know what you’re trying to stay. Saying his wife is with holding?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

EssexUKMale said:


> Huh? I don’t know what you’re trying to stay. Saying his wife is with holding?


Yes


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## EssexUKMale (Jan 13, 2022)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Yes


I can see what your saying manipulation or possibly cheating


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

EssexUKMale said:


> I can see what your saying manipulation or possibly cheating


Right


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