# Is My Husband Gay or Bi?



## aalana (Mar 26, 2008)

Hey all - I'm posting this in different forums to see if I can get answers. I'm too embarrassed to ask this of my friends and family, so I want to ask some strangers before I confront my husband . . .

I got a call a few days ago from a male friend of mine who told me that he didn't want me to make much of it, cause he doesn't know for sure, but he thought my husband was hitting on him. My husband and him work together and so he told me of a few incidences . . . 

One time he said he was he called down to my husband on the phone, looked down at where he works and told my husband that he could see him. There was this girl in the way, and my husband motioned for her to move, and then he told my friend, good, I can see your whole face now.

Another time, my friend said that he didn't talk to my husband all day. My husband was leaving for the day and was getting ready to walk out a side door at work. My friend said he said goodbye to my husband, and then my husband stopped and came down. When he came down, he said that he didn't notice my friend was there that day. He also complimented this jacket that my friend was wearing. My friend just said he thought this was weird because my husband could have just walked out the door after he said goodbye to him, but he stopped and came down to talk to him.

Another time, a co-worker of my friend was talking to my husband and asked him if was excited because my friend would be coming back to work this past Friday. My husband told her, I'm always excited to see Mark (that's my friends name.) My friend asked her if he said it jokingly, and she said no, he said it like he really was excited and smiled after. Later that day, my friend's co-worker went down to where my husband works and my husband brought up my friend, asking what he was doing on vacation, and when would he be back. 

There are other things as well that make me wonder. My friend has been in a relationship with someone for 5 years, so he said he is in no way interested in my husband. He said he didn't want to tell me, but he thought it needed to be said. He told me not to make a big deal out of it, cause it may be nothing, but he said that when he talks to my husband he just gets a sense that he may have some kind of feelings for him.

So, I guess I'm just wondering, since I don't want to talk to my friends about this, what you guys think? Is there a chance that he may be gay or bi? I never thought it before, but now I don't know . . . 

Thanks,
Aalana


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Based on these things alone, I don't see anything that would raise concerns that he is gay. If your friend is gay, he may have more insight as to how to read those signals from other men & maybe he sees something to this that I don't.


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

True-dat sweedish... in this situation there are just body languages and tones of voices that can't be conveyed. Is your friend gay?? Perhaps he does know what he's looking for... if he's not gay, perhaps he's a tad homophobic and making a mountain out of a mole hill. I think we might need more input from you, but I'm not sure what to ask for... would there be a reason your friend would be trying to sabotage your relationship?? Or you could get really brave and pop in a gay porn or yaoi movie "by accident"... catch his reaction.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Is your friend gay and does your husband know that?

Could it be that your friend simply doesn't like your husband?

COuld your husband be trying to make friends? 

People that play sports often slap each other on the butt, and hug each other but that doesn't make them gay.

draconis


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## aalana (Mar 26, 2008)

My friend is bi, and has been in a relationship with a woman for almost five years now, but does know how to read signals. I don't think in anyway he would be trying to sabbatoge my marriage. We have been friends for almost twelve years, longer then I have known my husband. 

He has told me that when my husband comes down, he talks to him and no one else. A co-worker of his has said to my friend that my husband talks to him like he talks to no one else. He notices that he always has eye contact, to the point that it's uncomfortable for him, almost gaze like, and that he always smiles. He said at one point, he was leaning on my husbands desk, and my husband was kind of leaning into him. They stood that way for a little bit, and then my friend had to back up because he felt a little uncomfortable.

And one day, my friend and my husband were walking out together, and a female co-worker of my friends wanted to walk out with them. And my husband said, well we usually walk out together. My friend said this could have been a joke, but that my husband didn't laugh or anything signalling that.

I really have no idea what to do?? The gay porn thing wouldn't be bad, but I would assume he was have a negative reaction just to protect himself if he was gay/bi. I could have my friend ask my husband if he thinks my friend wants him and that's why he's acting that way. Though, I don't want my friend to lose the friendship he has with him . . . I don't know . . .


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I know that with my wife when I first got to know her I made it special interest to befriend her close circle. Nothing hurts a relationship like a trusted friend saying anything negative that make a peson second guess their relationship.

If it bothers you that much just ask him, but expect him to be offended. He might seem safer being close to men as being close to the opposite sex seems to much like flirting. Let alone you seem to have so many "friends" saying so much negative things about your dear husband.

draconis


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

I think that since you aren't getting these signals, and your friend is, perhaps he should gently question him. If you question your husband about it, he's going to wonder where it came from and could create more harm than good. If your friend "comes on" to him and your husband freaks out, at least your friend has an excuse... he's bi and just simply misread the signals. But then again, in the workplace might not be the place to bring something like that on. Perhaps a double date...?? Then you could be privy to some body language as well. 

It's not at all uncommon for men to have bi tendencies, so be aware that what you find out might not be what you want to hear, as it sounds that you're a little scared to find out if he would be. 

Good luck, keep us posted.


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## lostsoul (Mar 19, 2008)

Well, maybe other things too look for is if your husband looks at other guys (studies other guys) up and down etc......also, don't want to ask you this but........if he is just into anal and does NOT like vaginal....this could be a huge hint. I wonder the same about my husband that is why your message cought my interest.


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## 30somethingguy (Mar 31, 2008)

It sounds kind of an odd way to come out... hitting on a male colleague like this (if he is). Perhaps your husband knows your friend is bi and is trying to (unsubtely) drop hints but... well. I'm bi-curious and I don't share that with my fiancee, but I limit my interest to the odd bit of porn or fantasy. The last thing I would be doing is hitting on a guy for real - it would be cheating. I mean, if he is doing this... it's more than just a 'oh, he's bi/gay' thing it's a 'oh, he's gonna cheat on you with another guy' thing. Which I think is much more serious than simply whether or not he might be into guys at all.

I dunno how comfortable you'd feel playing it this way, but depending on your relationship with your friend, you could just mention to your husband that this friend is accusing him of being gay or coming on to him like "I can't believe he's saying that!!" kind of way and then seeing how he reacts. But really, I would not advocate playing games or testing your husband, it's not really respectful and suggests a lack of trust.

I think really either you should ask your friend to desist from telling these stories or you should just ask your husband if he's ever had any feelings that way. But you should also be prepared for what he might say. If he said he was bi, how would you react? Also, if he's really gay I wonder how happy he could actually be whilst married to a woman... do you think he's happy with his marriage to you?


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## sillky717 (Apr 2, 2008)

i am a straight married woman and when i talk to people i like to see their face. i like eye contact. if your friend is uncomfortable he just needs to slowly distance himself at work. looking more busy than he really is. now if your husband looks a little to hurt by it he is either a sensitive guy or he has some mixed feelings for this guy.the next time you r all together just kinda watch your husb. more closely usually our hearts allready know.


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## dogma_ma (Apr 3, 2008)

I would be curious if your husband is trying to maybe "make friends" or "make better friends" with your friend. Does your husband know he is bi? If so maybe he is unsure of how to be on the same level as him...or maybe it makes him uncomfortable and the uncomfortable-ness is being misread by your friend...as far as your first post I see nothing wrong with any of what he has supposedly done.


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## eclecticandi (Jul 23, 2008)

Its clear to me that your husband wants a relationship with your friend. Unclear to me what kind.... That really not enough to assume someone must be gay. Maybe try talking to your husband about him to get a better ideal yourself and if you suspect that he might be gay,talk to him about it. As far as how to talk to him about that.... I have no clue. Ask an expert or maybe your friend can give you some advise.


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