# Falling out of love with fiancé? Normal before wedding?



## FreyaR (Mar 17, 2016)

My fiancé and I have known each other 8yrs but only started our relationship late last year and recently became engaged, Wedding is set for NYE this year. For the 8yrs I've known him he pursued me relentlessly but I never gave him a chance because at that time he was known as a "ladies man" constantly with different women. He let it be known in everyway that he wanted a relationship with me, he even told me he loved me around 2yrs ago, I didn't want him to hurt me so I never gave in even though I was crazy about him. Over the last 2yrs he completely changed his life around and I finally took a chance with him, I was absolutely in love him, We have a very close relationship & are never far from each other, He is very hands on with me and gets jealous with me very easily. The last week or so I feel I'm becoming less attracted to him and because he is so hands on he is starting to annoy me, I'm still like I always am towards him so I doubt he suspects anything. I know I love him but I'm doubting if I'm IN love with him. Is this normal to feel this way as it gets closer to the wedding or should I be listening to what I am feeling? Thanks.


----------



## FreyaR (Mar 17, 2016)

FreyaR said:


> My fiancé and I have known each other 8yrs but only started our relationship late last year and recently became engaged, Wedding is set for NYE this year. For the 8yrs I've known him he pursued me relentlessly but I never gave him a chance because at that time he was known as a "ladies man" constantly with different women. He let it be known in everyway that he wanted a relationship with me, he even told me he loved me around 2yrs ago, I didn't want him to hurt me so I never gave in even though I was crazy about him. Over the last 2yrs he completely changed his life around and I finally took a chance with him, I was absolutely in love him, We have a very close relationship & are never far from each other, He is very hands on with me and gets jealous with me very easily. The last week or so I feel I'm becoming less attracted to him and because he is so hands on he is starting to annoy me, I'm still like I always am towards him so I doubt he suspects anything. I know I love him but I'm doubting if I'm IN love with him. Is this normal to feel this way as it gets closer to the wedding or should I be listening to what I am feeling? Thanks.


I also have my best friend constantly in my ear saying "once a ladies man, always a ladies man!". He has never given me any signs he is still like that but can that sometimes be the case? Has she a point?


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

If you're basing your relationship off of having strong feelings for him, then you're in a relationship for the wrong reasons.

Moral and personal compatibility, and the unshakable will to succeed is what separates successful couples from the couples who become divorce statistics.

I don't know enough about him to tell who he is, or whether he's changed. But what I'm hearing from you is that you've built your relationship on the foundation of strong emotions, rather than compatibility. In which case, whether he's changed or not isn't your primary problem.

Have I heard you wrong?


----------



## FreyaR (Mar 17, 2016)

I would really appreciate peoples input on this?

Is it just cold feet or what? Im freaking out here, I don't want to waste his time or mine if it isn't *normal*!?


----------



## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

Are you actually friends? Can you be casual with each other, and easily laugh and talk? Hot and heavy romance can wear out quickly, it's the true love that lingers. Are the two of you in love, or are you in love with love?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I thinks it's normal to fall out of love...I strongly suggest you call off the wedding...at the very least i would not throw down any big cash towards the wedding.

If you go through with this you will become just like all the other spouses that get married and end up telling them selves they never really loved their spouse anyway and justify the infidelity that will surely come into play later on in this marriage..

Hell you guys don't even have a healthy engagement what the hell makes you think your marriage will be any better when your old man really starts to piss you off now that you are "his"!!!!!


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Woman here, 36 years married, & first time marriage for the both of us. Call off the wedding! There is no such thing as "cold feet". You get cold feet when you know this marriage is not for you. Save yourself the trip to the divorce court.

In addition, you have doubts with his loyalty. You get annoyed by his actions of late. This is going to get worse into the marriage. You need to listen to yourself. Hear your mind, instead of relying on your emotions alone. 

Best of luck to you!


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

This is exactly why it is good to be engaged for a time. Discovery has unfolded and you do not like the future you see. Call it off now.


----------



## AmbiguousHusband (Apr 17, 2015)

I'm going to disagree with the call it off recommendations unless you're SURE that you are falling out of love.

Check out Sheryl Paul's "Conscious Transitions". I subscribed and agreed with a lot of what she said. Not all, by any means, but a lot, and she "specializes" in relationship anxiety.


----------



## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Do not get married. If he is annoying you now, imagine what it will be like 10-15 years from now. Don't do it unless you can absolutely love him through his quirks. Otherwise, you're just wasting his time and will break his heart later.


----------



## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

You have been given a gift here........The gift of a healthy dose of reality. Act on it..........


----------



## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

Postpone it. We didn't have cold feet. The closer the date, the more excited we became and the more we bonded as a couple. 

However, we had a short engagement but I don't see why that would be a breaker. 

Candidly, I don't know any of my guy friends who had cold feet as the date approached. So there's a guy's view.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Forget about being sexually attracted or not to this guy. Do you really respect him? Do you really trust him? Do you like the person he is? Are your core values very similar to his? He's "hands on". Guess that means he's very sexually interested in you (or women in general). You could get the same from almost any man on earth. Don't confuse that with love or use it as an indication of the depth of his devotion to you. If you were told you had just one hour left on this earth, would you want to spend it with him? If you received the happiest news of your life, would your first reaction be to share it with him? How about the saddest news?


----------



## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

FreyaR said:


> I would really appreciate peoples input on this?


Read up on walk-away-wives. You are one before marriage even. Congratulations.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> Forget about being sexually attracted or not to this guy. Do you really respect him? Do you really trust him? Do you like the person he is? Are your core values very similar to his? He's "hands on". Guess that means he's very sexually interested in you (or women in general). You could get the same from almost any man on earth. Don't confuse that with love or use it as an indication of the depth of his devotion to you. If you were told you had just one hour left on this earth, would you want to spend it with him? If you received the happiest news of your life, would your first reaction be to share it with him? How about the saddest news?


Very good questions! ...the answers should reveal where your heart it...

The annoying part.... what am I missing.. how is he annoying you @FreyaR -- too much hands on/ touching.. he is probably HIGH in Physical Touch (a love language).. if you are not.. I'd say CALL OFF THE WEDDING.. 

Speaking as one who loves that .. I'd be highly annoyed with a man who didn't want it.. have you & he ever taken the love languages test ...

>> Language Profile | The 5 Love Languages® 

Book here  The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts  i



















If you find his top languages are on your bottom & vice versa.. you & he will struggle to understand each other & it will cause contention. unless you are both very giving people by nature.. 

I wouldn't personally trust a former Ladies man.. but you did say he's went out of his way to change ...sounds he really loves you dearly...That's a tough one!... I just feel with a former lifestyle like that.. if /when things get rough in marriage.. hopefully he won't go back to his former ways..


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Roselyn said:


> *In addition, you have doubts with his loyalty. You get annoyed by his actions of late.* This is going to get worse into the marriage. !


Per the bolded it sounds like they may be married already >


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You get cold feet when you're not sure...and if you're not sure about getting married you absolutely shouldn't get married.

My husband and I were both excited to get married, the closer the wedding date came, the more excited we got. Planning all the details just added to the fun  We were both more excited about the marriage than the wedding, and wanted the formal part over so we could celebrate with our friends and family. Guests still comment on how relaxed my husband was before the ceremony, as he chatted away and welcomed people 

If you have any doubts at all, at the very least postpone the wedding. Nerves are normal. Cold feet and "do I really love him/her?" is not.


----------

