# Just Friends for a while...?



## anthony_j (May 17, 2012)

I have been married for the about 2.5 years. I have two beautiful daughters one just turned 2 and the other is 6 weeks old. Anyways to get to the point about a year ago something changed in my marriage, I am not sure what exactly caused this but my wife has been slowly cutting more and more sex out of the picture and we haven't had sex for about 3 months now (this started about a month before we got pregnant with our last child). Sometime during this she seemed to starting hiding stuff from me, phone messages, closing out of the screen on the computer... I denied it for quite some time and told myself that I was just coming in when she happen to be changing websites or whatever. About 3 weeks a friend of ours broke up with her boyfriend and about this time the hiding stuff got really bad, almost blatant about it. If I asked her who she was talking to she would lie. Till about a week ago it finally got to the point that I looked at her phone and she was talking to the friends ex.. She had also been deleting all the texts as she got them so I just happen to see one. I confronted her about this and she denied it of course and than it turned into I was just talking to him about my depression because he had some good ideas for it. I don't know if she was cheating on me or what... Sounds like it but I just don't what to think. Frankly I think would rather not know.

Anyways I told my wife I want to work through this. I love her very much. We started to talk about things and next thing I know she took the pictures off the wall, she said it hurt to look at them (whatever that is supposed to mean). She than told me that she just wants to be friends while she we work through all this. She barely even touches me anymore. I guess I am at a loss. Sometimes it feels like she wants to actually work on things and other times it feels like we are just growing further apart. I would really like to make this relationship work and not just for the kids.

I know that I have not been perfect, I have never cheated and I avoid friendships with other woman unless it is a mutual friendship with my wife and I.

Today it feels like a long shot, but I would really like my wife to fall back in love with me.... I guess I am just at loss for what to do....


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Sorry to hear A.

Which phone is she using? 

Since she already said to say as friends you may want to check where she is at any moment. Do you have any proof of it going physical?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

anthony,

first and foremost i am sorry you find yourself here.

Many of the actions you have described (deleting texts, closing screens, decrease in sex, wants to be friends with you (also known as the I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You (ILYBNINWY) are what is known as Red Flags that point to an affair.

At this point I would expect that she's at least in an emotional affair (EA) with this other man (OM)

What you need to do is investigate quietly. Do not confront her or ask if she's chesting. What you need to do is go out and buy a voice activated recorder and place it under her car seat with heavy duty velcro. 

Next, install a keylogger on the computer. Also contact your cell carrier and get detail reports for the voice/rtext usage on her phone. Look for a lot of texts/calls to a number you don't recognize.

Gather your evidence before you confront her so she can't deny what is going on. when you do confront, don't reveal how you got yhe information or she may be able to go around you in the future and avoid your monitoring

Good luck


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

She is exhibiting all the huge, enormous, waving red flags of an emotional affair.

*Ask that your post be moved to Coping with Infidelity section instead, it sounds like you want to try to reconcile.*

I am reconciled with my husband after his long-term emotional affair, it is possible, but you have a few mountains to climb first.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Before you start pledging your love for her, etc. you must first her end the affair, and you verify it has ended.

Talk to the friend and get her side of what went down.

Honestly, get a DNA test on the new born. It's not looking good as being yours.

Play strong and uncompromising with her until she ends the affair and you verify it is really done,

Only then can you begin to work the marriage if you both are willing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Talk to her friend


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Your wife is having an affair.

Talk to the friend that dumped her boyfriend and ask her why she dumped her boyfriend.

DNA test on at least the new kid, test the first too to be certain.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You are in a lossing battle until you can confirm that her boyfriend is completely out of the picture...absolutly no contact.Ive been here long enough to see the red flags in your post!

So start by making this affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible. This all will take time.....

Step 1..stut up and quitely investigate what is really going on.

Step2..gather proof with keyloger, GPS, VAR and synic WW cell to your computer.

Step 3 expose the affair to the X GF, and OM new GF and OM family, WW family 

Step 4 confront WW and never reveal your sources.

Right now the best thing you can do is calm down and educate your self about infidelity.

You need to understand that there is a script the WW will have in store for you and how to prepare your self.

Confrontation can be really effective if you play your cards right.

So take care of your self and never ever beg for your marriage. You have to be willing to let her go so the shift in power is that of your WW chasing you and the marraige.

BTW, step 5 are the consequences.

For now, man up and get undeniable proof of the affair this will take some time. You will get through this, we all do.

Welcome to the club no one wants to join...agent 007


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

I'm wondering why her friend ditched the bf and I'm also curious if the friend ditched your wife also. Something stinks in all of this.

Talk to her friend, you might find some interesting info of what's been going on.


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