# What would considered inappropriate conversations with female friends?



## Newlybrown32 (Feb 10, 2014)

My Husband and I have only been married for 7 months. During our dating process, I have always known he got along better with females. According to him, he would never consider them to be true friends. Since we been married, a few have came out randomly trying to reminisce on old times. My husband feeds into the conversations. These conversations details include reminiscing on old times, I miss you or our friendship, it would be good to see you, etc. Someone recently messaged him saying I wish you could be my valentine, and they know he is married. What kind of crap is that. I am assumming because he likes the attention and I am his only real friend. I want to know am I over reacting on being mad at this. The only way I have seen this stuff is because I snoop.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Anything he wouldn't discuss with them in front of you is inappropriate.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

7 months in and you are already snooping...that's not a good sign.
The Valentines Day comment is pretty bad. I do not have a problem with having opposite sex friends but your husband seems not to know boundaries. Nip it in the butt now before it goes any further.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

richie33 said:


> Nip it in the butt


:lol:


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Newlybrown32 said:


> Someone recently messaged him saying I wish you could be my valentine, and they know he is married. What kind of crap is that. I am assumming because he likes the attention and I am his only real friend. I want to know am I over reacting on being mad at this. The only way I have seen this stuff is because I snoop.


No you're not over reacting.
Sometimes kids say the " darnest " things , but sometimes adults who should know better say the most ridiculous things.

Why does she want him to be her Valentine and she knows he's married?
Worse yet , why did she have to send that message?

My bs sensors tell me that she did it to get his attention , and probably hoping deep down inside that you would stumble across her message.
You would get upset and it would cause a fight.
He would confide in her, and she pretend to be sympathetic to his side of the disagreement.

That would be a perfect Valentine for her

You need to crush her hopes and destroy any expectations.

Message her back , tell her that her plan didn't work and you're already his Valentine.

In the meantime, you need to sit your husband down and discuss proper boundaries.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Even "joking" flirtations are flirtations.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

The fact that there are a lot of these "friends" is also not a good sign. He gets off on female attention, which could lead to something bad.

Odd username.


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## wife1981 (Jul 5, 2013)

I believe you cannot blame him for things other people say, but it is up to him to control it, nip it in the butt. She obviously doesn't respect your marriage, and clearly there are feelings involved, at least she seems to have some feelings towards your husband. She knows exactly what she is doing. Be honest with him, tell him how you feel. Don't get mad, be calm about it. Until he gives you a reason not to trust him, don't accuse him of anything. What were his responses? You;re going to have to tell him you snooped, that's going to suck. But it shows there is a trust issue between you two.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I agree that you can't blame him for something someone else wrote, however, if his reply was in any way buying into it/leading her on/negative about you etc, then that would be pretty telling.

I would feel annoyed too. I remember an ex of my DH sent him a valentine's rose, before we were married but definitely together. I wasn't annoyed at him, I was annoyed at her. He made me feel very secure about it by treating the whole incident with scorn, he didn't communicate with her at all.

It'd be nice if your DH would shut down flirtatious remarks from other women, if only to set your mind at ease. It's not a big ask of a spouse.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

If you are your husband's only friend, it might be a good idea to get involved in something together that involves other people. If you attend church, you could get involved in a small group where people get to know each other and support each other. If that doesn't work for you, there are hiking groups, book clubs, dance clubs (like country dance, swing dance, ballroom dance, etc.) and other types of groups you could look into. It seems like it would do him some good to get out around other people he can related to and enjoy.
He also needs to cut off anyone who is trying to make moves on him.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Newlybrown32 said:


> Someone recently messaged him saying I wish you could be my valentine, and they know he is married. I want to know am I over reacting on being mad at this.


That is inappropriate. Just as it would be if some dude were hitting you up telling you the same thing, knowing you are married.

But more importantly, how did your husband respond?


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## sexyartist (Feb 10, 2014)

My wife sometimes talks to some guy friends about how I wear tighty whities. And of course they always mention how they like boxers, and she says that those are hotter. It's bizarre to me. But sometimes people are just getting a little flirty. I try not to take it too seriously.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

sexyartist said:


> My wife sometimes talks to some guy friends about how I wear tighty whities. And of course they always mention how they like boxers, and she says that those are hotter. It's bizarre to me. But sometimes people are just getting a little flirty. I try not to take it too seriously.


Why are all of your posts about your underwear? Do we have a tighty-****** troll now? LOL :rofl: (that would be a new one).


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Newlybrown, how do these women act towards and with you?


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Well i would be peed if somebody told my husband they wanted to be his valentine....... 

Also, Its fine to have female friends, but flirting, reminiscing over old times, and telling them you miss them etc is not.

I would be having a chat with him, tell him how your feeling, I mean you have only been married for 7 months and you have resorted to snooping already, It may only get worse if you don't.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Newlybrown32 said:


> My Husband and I have only been married for 7 months. During our dating process, I have always known he got along better with females. According to him, he would never consider them to be true friends. Since we been married, a few have came out randomly trying to reminisce on old times. My husband feeds into the conversations. These conversations details include reminiscing on old times, I miss you or our friendship, it would be good to see you, etc. Someone recently messaged him saying I wish you could be my valentine, and they know he is married. What kind of crap is that. I am assumming because he likes the attention and I am his only real friend. I want to know am I over reacting on being mad at this. The only way I have seen this stuff is because I snoop.


Stop it right now. Take it from me... I've been down this road. Same crap. Soon after we got married the women "friends" starting coming out of the woodwork. Same seemingly benign conversations, then slowly it escalated until it got to the stage my husband was lying to me and seeing them behind my back. He also told them everything about our marriage, and personal things I had trusted him with over the years.

Of course I set boundaries, probably too late, and he walked all over them. Then I enacted the consequences=kicked him out.

We are now divorced.

Your husband has no boundaries and neither do these women. 

Take me seriously when I say this will get worse. Its a very slippery slope.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

brokenbythis said:


> Take me seriously when I say this will get worse. Its a very slippery slope.


It may not get worse if she learned to set some healthy boundaries now before it gets out of control. He needs to stop needing the women friends he had and get his needs met in appropriate ways.


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