# 21 years, seems like yesterday



## California man

My wife and I have been married for 21 years. I wouldn't say our marriage is a complete success or failure. It has good and bad parts. I believe my wife would find me lacking in some things, and I know there are some things I'd like to see different in her. Still we have a fairly loving relationship, and if I had to do it over again I know I would, and on most days I believe she would too (get married that is).
I believe whats been helpful is that we are both frugal and would never do something foolish with money, or at least not with both of us supporting the idea. So we've basically never had money become an issue or a source of stress. This is very important as it just wipes out one whole source of problems. Sexually in a perfect world my wife would be more passionate, but we have a compromise arrangement of having what I like to term marital unity every third day. In my perfect world it would be every second day, but I'm still working on that one.
Spiritually we are both Christians, though my wife is more involved in Church than I am. Work wise she helps out at my work on a part time basis (she works about 8 hours a week, and I about 30 a week.) One source of stress is the fact that our two kids don't get along too well, but with our oldest almost 18 she is able to do more and more things outside of the house. 
I think its been very helpful that my wife hasn't had to work full time at a paid job, giving her more time to help the kids with school (for some years she was homeschooling), more time for errands, more time for life.


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## SimplyAmorous

California man said:


> My wife and I have been married for 21 years. I wouldn't say our marriage is a complete success or failure. It has good and bad parts. I believe my wife would find me lacking in some things, and I know there are some things I'd like to see different in her. Still we have a fairly loving relationship, and if I had to do it over again I know I would, and on most days I believe she would too (get married that is).
> * I believe whats been helpful is that we are both frugal and would never do something foolish with money, or at least not with both of us supporting the idea. So we've basically never had money become an issue or a source of stress. This is very important as it just wipes out one whole source of problems. *


 I can relate to what you say here very much.. Myself and H has always been very FRUGAL.. it's one area we have never had a fight over in all our years.. ..this does lower an awful lot of stress.. and I am one who would  get stressed if I felt we were over our heads.. 

I hate debt [email protected]#$







I refuse to pay interest on anything- if at all possible.... so far only our house/property...and we worked to pay that off as quickly as possible ... I like to make $$ off our credit cards.. I recently got that CitiBank 2% cash back one...every little bit adds up! 



> *Sexually in a perfect world my wife would be more passionate, but we have a compromise arrangement of having what I like to term marital unity every third day. In my perfect world it would be every second day, but I'm still working on that one*.


 I think mismatched libidos is probably one of the most common.. I bought a book on it once.. really enjoyed it, it helped me understand myself more -what I was struggling with....and my H ....

This is the book... When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life 

We've had it on both sides. his wanting more for most of our marriage, then I was wanting it MORE for a few yrs.. now we're about the same....(finally)...I caused more turmoil over it than my H ever did.. which I don't think is the normal story ....where I was more emotional (he never showed that) and would get irritated when I wanted it more so. 

Thankfully his attitude was... better me to be grouchy over wanting his body/ can't get enough over the other way around... 



> Spiritually we are both Christians, though my wife is more involved in Church than I am. Work wise she helps out at my work on a part time basis (she works about 8 hours a week, and I about 30 a week.) One source of stress is the fact that our two kids don't get along too well, but with our oldest almost 18 she is able to do more and more things outside of the house.
> *I think its been very helpful that my wife hasn't had to work full time at a paid job, giving her more time to help the kids with school (for some years she was homeschooling), more time for errands, more time for life.*


 We feel as you do here too... I am like your wife, only work about 8-10 hrs a week, he prefers me in the home.. we've always felt it's given us more time together, things running smoothly.. of course being frugal has helped here a great deal.. so I wouldn't have to work full time..

Never wanted to home school though!! I think I would be pulling my hair out with that one.









Thank you for sharing California man!


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## meson

Congratulations on 20+ years! It sounds like you both form a team that work to the benefit of the marriage and family. This is probably why it is working well and that it hasn't been that long. It speaks to your enjoyment of the marriage.


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## EleGirl

Sounds like you have a pretty good marriage. Congrats to the both of you for keeping it together a healthy marriage.

Is there some reason you are here beside to share your good fortune?


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## Yeswecan

California man said:


> My wife and I have been married for 21 years. I wouldn't say our marriage is a complete success or failure. It has good and bad parts. I believe my wife would find me lacking in some things, and I know there are some things I'd like to see different in her. Still we have a fairly loving relationship, and if I had to do it over again I know I would, and on most days I believe she would too (get married that is).
> I believe whats been helpful is that we are both frugal and would never do something foolish with money, or at least not with both of us supporting the idea. So we've basically never had money become an issue or a source of stress. This is very important as it just wipes out one whole source of problems. Sexually in a perfect world my wife would be more passionate, but we have a compromise arrangement of having what I like to term marital unity every third day. In my perfect world it would be every second day, but I'm still working on that one.
> Spiritually we are both Christians, though my wife is more involved in Church than I am. Work wise she helps out at my work on a part time basis (she works about 8 hours a week, and I about 30 a week.) One source of stress is the fact that our two kids don't get along too well, but with our oldest almost 18 she is able to do more and more things outside of the house.
> I think its been very helpful that my wife hasn't had to work full time at a paid job, giving her more time to help the kids with school (for some years she was homeschooling), more time for errands, more time for life.


My W and I will be married 21 years come this April. Yes, without a doubt, I would do it all over again. If I could, I would change a few things about me. Your marriage mirrors ours almost to a T. We are at the same road you are. Kids are grown and being independent. As a result, my W and I are free to do what we want, when we want and as long as we want. Frankly, if feels almost like dating again...however the intimate portion has gotten down right fantastic, frequent and suitable for XXX film. That's an entire other thread.  Since you now have some more freedom from kid watching...plan on dating your W again. This is what I did....man...we have a blast. It is nice to go to a movie where it does not open with a fairy flying around a castle and a big mouse looking to get more of your hard earned cash. :rofl:

Congratulations sir!


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