# Arranged Marriage Excuse



## MikeG (Feb 15, 2012)

I am really getting annoyed of my parents even talking about marriage to me that I am sick of it.

Why the heck must everyone get married anyway? Just for the sake of it?

How the f.. do people who believe in forced marriage think it is going to work? Do they do this because they want a freaking grandchild. If you are forcing me into marriage, what makes them even think I would even touch her when I am married. 

I am just venting. So sorry. But people who believe in forcing their children into marriage just can not win. The child can simply sabotage the relationship and act as if the other person just doesn't exist. So WTF!

Before you go on and advise me to call the hotline for forced marriage help etc... let me tell you this is not the case. But I am just sick of it. The emotional blackmail, the way they talk as if being single is a criminal activity.

So I need advice, an excuse. What is the best excuse for someone not getting married? What is the most private thing that they would just have to back the f...off!

It's almost as if being single is a taboo. But why? How can being single be bad in anyway shape or form. I just don't get it. Do people make assumptions about single people. If so don't these idiots realize that their assumptions tells more about them then anyone else? 

People insult themselves a lot when they assume.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, I'm guessing you live in a culture that endorses arranged marriages.

It's going to take some courage to buck that trend, but you can. If you so choose.

Don't make an excuse. Say that you would prefer not to. Keep saying it. Over and over and over. I know that family and cultural forces can be overwhelming, but you don't need to give an excuse. Just don't do it.

I'm so sorry. It's tough spot that you are in.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Tell them you're gay!

That ought to get them to back the f*ck off! I'm pretty sure they'd keep that to themselves too!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Toffer said:


> Tell them you're gay!
> 
> That ought to get them to back the f*ck off! I'm pretty sure they'd keep that to themselves too!




The beauty of that approach is when you eventually tell them you're straight - after a suitable time has passed - they'll be so happy and grateful, they won't harass you for who you choose to marry as a heterosexual man.

All kidding aside, tell them truth. You don't want an arranged marriage. Be a broken record each time it comes up. " I don't want an arranged marriage."


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Just tell them that you are not doing it. You are not interested in having a wife and kids before you want them or that you never want them. 

It is not likely to stop their pressuring you but at least you have been upfront and honest. Change the subject when it is brought up or avoid the conversations all together. They are entitled to their opinion but you do not have to listen to it. The only other option is to keep suffering their jabs at you.

Good Luck.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

They love you and want you to be happy. They think that being married will magically make you happy. They do not see that it won't because they think they know better than you.

Take this opportunity to make a boundary. Tell them that you love them and appreciate their efforts toward finding you happiness, but that you are sick of this conversation and do not want to have it anymore. Tell them that every time they try to pressure you toward marriage, you are going to leave the conversation, that other discussions are okay with you but this topic if off limits. Then, stick to it. Every time they bring up the issue of marriage, you walk away (no matter how much guilt they throw at you, ignore it). After about three weeks of this, they will know that you are serious and they will stop talking to you about it. Show them that you are not a doormat and they won't treat you like one.


Why are they pressuring you into marriage? Can you try talking to them and showing them that your life is happy and that you are not missing something. They may just need to be shown that you're not missing anything and that by being overbearing, they're causing you more grief than not. They are probably convinced that you need something they can provide. Show them that you are happy already and don't need a wife and that their insistence is the thing that's making you unhappy. When they see that you can take care of yourself, that you are comfortable in the courage of your convictions, they will feel less of a need to control and infantalize you or take care of you to make sure you are getting your needs met because they will trust that you are able to meet them yourself or ask for help when you need it.

Let them know that this is not up for debate. Do it respectfully, but firmly, without having a tantrum or freaking out when they try to push you on it. Just inform them that it's off limits and walk away if it comes up -- every time, until you choose to engage the issue. And spend some time thinking about why it is that they are pressuring you or raising the issue.

Are they willing to lose you over this? Probably not. If they are, then good riddance to those who would rather control you than love you.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I still think the gay thing is the easiest way to go but since it was my idea, I guess I am a little biased


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Had an employee from India who’s parents were pushing for his arranged marriage. We talked a lot about it. I haven’t verified it, but he did claim the statistics of the marriage working out was higher than a standard marriage (much less divorce). He somewhat believes it has more to do with less expectations and a lot more effort to try and make it work.

Also, because the ‘selection’ involves a full background, matching interests, matching ‘class’, matching relative intellect, financials, etc.. The couple is has more to bond on and more ‘equal’. His father would send him portfolios of perspective candidates. I was sort of shocked; Hot, successful women, who like him, had been in the US for a long time and highly educated. So at least his experience wasn’t so much an arrangement to somehow benefit his parents as it was his parents and their friends playing matchmaker. Their role is important because they know what it takes to make a marriage work and could filter out essentially “the tramps” or ones from unstable backgrounds.... The whole thing was interesting as hell.

How it ended was he fell in love with an American girl. The parents weren’t happy about it at all, but they were comforted when he basically presented them with her background and how he felt.

So basically... Don't knock it. Sounded way better than just finding some girl in a bar and going from there.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Toffer, I know you're joking, but depending on the country, claiming to be gay could get him anything from social ostracism to a virtual death sentence. Really not an option.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Toffer, I know you're joking, but depending on the country, claiming to be gay could get him anything from social ostracism to a virtual death sentence. Really not an option.


Yeah, I know that but still think it would be priceless to see his parent's faces if he dropped the G bomb on them!


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

You mentioned it in your own post. Tell the to back the F off. Exactly like that.


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## MikeG (Feb 15, 2012)

Thanks everyone for your posts.

Some of the suggestions are really good.

The gay thing however, not really a good idea. I think in fact it is because of they are worried about this, that they are pressuring me more. Coz, someone in the family turned out to be gay. So this wouldn't be good. 

But as you said, it would be really funny and they would be so relieved afterward.

Some of the suggestions may work. But I am really looking for something that would make them feel like not to pressure me at all. Perhaps a disease, like a genitalia disease that is making it difficult to be in a long relationship. So they don't bring it up at all.

I want to hear once from them, "take your time", or infact warn me not to get married early.

Another thing that really pisses me off, is how practically they didn't much care in the past, but now that they want a grandchild or are worried I might be gay, the pressure is on.

Is getting married to give someone a grandchild a good reason to pursue a relationship. Is getting married so they don't think I am gay a good reason. I think not. And also both are pointless since a gay person can still get married, and a married person may not have kids. Its so ridiculously selfish of people to want their children to get married for these reasons.

I also don't get why it seems abnormal to people for a person to be single. Do you think it is abnormal? Some people just find love later in their lives.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Mike,

Stick with your convictions

I think you need to be straight forward with them and tell them 

"Mom and Dad, you know that I love, respect and care for you and your opinions. However, I am not interested in an arranged marriage and I believe falling in love and getting married are decisions that should be left up to me. I would really appreciate it if you two would stop bringing this subject up"


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Toffer said:


> Tell them you're gay!
> 
> That ought to get them to back the f*ck off! I'm pretty sure they'd keep that to themselves too!


First thing I thought. 

Coffee Amore added a nice touch to the thought too.

Dang, we're all geniuses here.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Mike,
You get married because you have found someone that completes you. Because you have found someone you want to spend every waking and sleeping minute with. Because every moment away from them just doesn't seem real, reality only starts back up when you're with them.

You don't marry them because they are pretty, because they are a good "match" ie rich parents, because they are a good breeder ie. mom and dad want grandkids.

It's your life. You decide.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

Start cross dressing. Heck if Kinger on MASH could do it you can to


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