# Please help;



## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

Hi everyone, i'm a newb to this form and would just like to take the time to thank everyone for reading this really long and drawn out problem :sleeping:


Well, I guess let's start at the beginning..

I have been with my now husband for over 2 years. We are young. I'm 23, and he's 20. We just got married December 6th. and I guess you can say.. this isn't the fairytale relationship i've always wanted.... sigh.


When him and I first met at work, we hit it off the bat. I had just got back from Europe, and we talked. Eventually we started dating. I hadn't ever been in a serious relationship before so I didn't really know what to expect. But, for some reason, he would not stop talking to his ex's and they were all girls that he's had sex with. I was a virgin at the time so I was not okay with this. He would tell them how beautiful they were.. and even one was sending bikini shots to him and it made me feel really uncomfortable. Eventually I told him it was either me or his ex's.. and he deleted them all and we moved on.


Then, a couple months past, I was working the evening shift and he texted me telling me he was going to a bonfire with some friends, It was more of a couples thing so I wasn't too worried.. until this girl started texting him. Her name was Maria, he assured me she had a boyfriend. For some reason, I just had this god awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. She would text him NON stop. To the point where his phone inbox was so full he would delete them. He would always turn his phone off. One day he went away for the whole weekend and didn't even talk to me.. Now, then his mother kicked him out of the house and he moved in with my grandfather and I. I always thought they had something going on but had no way of proving it. I had sent her a message on Facebook asking if there was anything going on between them, of course being the woman that she's not, she didn't reply. Him and I got into it one night and I told him I didn't want him talking to that other girl anymore so help me. He said he would tell her that he couldn't talk to her anymore. He went to stay the night at his cousins house, and when he came back he was fixing me breakfast and his phone was off in my room and I turned it on and there was text messages from a guy saying, "When are you going to call me?? " I called it and it was that girl. Him and I went at it. Oooh I was SO pissed. I think they had an EA, or possibly a PA but I still don't have hard evidence. He changed his number.. That's been over a year and then some and I can't get over it.. 


Because of this reason has brought me HUGE trust issues. 
Now I can't stop looking at his Facebook/Email/Phone... 


Now we're married and things have got so much worse. 

He calls me a psychotic b****
He tells me that he wished we didn't get married.
I tell him the same thing.
We say horrible things to eachother out of anger.
It was never this way before that girl messed this all up.
I lost my job and he lost his in 2012.

When we have sex it's so weird because when i'm ontop he will go for over an hour without finishing but when he's ontop he lasts like 2 mins and doesn't bother trying to get me off.


I found out that he's been looking at all this porn online(No, I do not approve of it.) Instead of trying to have sex with his new wife he would rather look at that garbage? It hurts. 

Even Facebook dirty pages...

I put passwords on the computer to show him that that's not okay.. i'm not allowed to use sex toys, or watch *Magic Mike* why should he be allowed to look at that? He told me that his family said I was being childish and they were going to give him a new laptop and I got mad. I have no family to back me up on anything, my father and mother gave me up a long time ago and my grandpa doesn't understand what i'm going through.


Last night was horrible. He fell asleep early for New Years and I went to take a picture of him cause he looked so cute, and he said he was going to post my private pictures on the internet and I said, "You are being such a downer, I wish I would of went out and did something." and he replied with, "I wish I would of went to the strip club, and made out with strippers."

This is all so hurtful to me, to be with the only man that i've been intimate with, and I married.. we haven't even been married a month and i've been so depressed.. I know i'm going to get a lot of comments saying that i'm young and I should just get an annulment but I don't believe in that. I don't know what else to do.  What can I do to fix us and this marriage? We shouldn't be talking to each other the way we do. Help!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes the two of you are way too young for this. What is going on is that the immaturity is showing... both of you are immature.

When men marry before the age of 30 and women before the age of 25, the marriages end 60% of the time. The human brain does not even finish development until the age of 26.

You could do a lot to stop this nonsense by you stop making smart remarks back to him. And when he starts his smart mouthing you just tell him that you are not going to listen to it. You just walk away and go somewhere like a quiet room or for a walk for half an hour to an hour until you both clam down.

It's his job to calm himself down and your job to calm yourself down.

You cannot change him. All you can do is to change the way you interact with him. 

You might want to start by reading the book "Divorce Busting". You work on being the best person you can be. Hopefully he will decide to work on himself.

Tell him that either he is 100% in the marriage and working with you or he can leave NOW. 

About the porn. Many men watch porn. Porn is generally only a problem if it interferes with your sex life. If you are happy with your sex life and the rest of your marriage, then him watching some porn is not the end of the world. Shoot watch it with him. 

If he is not satisfying you sexually then he has to work on that.. that’s part of working on the marriage.


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

Thank you Ele for your 100% honest reply. We are both immature and have a lot of growing up to do. I do not want this to be another failed marriage statistic. But with the way were acting it could very well be. I will start trying to do what you suggested.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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