# Terrible wife.



## peachy22 (May 6, 2012)

I am a terrible wife, and I know it, I just don't know what to do anymore.

My husband and I have always had financial issues so our credit is jacked, he left most of it in my hands so it's my fault and he holds it over my head. We have been together for 6 years, 4 years married. We're young, we have two (unplanned for) children, he works full time and I recently quit a few months ago to stay home with my kids. We have gone through a repossession, have paid bills late, have even had things shut off, own a vehicle with an extremely expensive payment, rent a house that we really shouldn't afford. My husband likes the finer things and had to have the expensive vehicle that now if we get rid of it we can't get another vehicle using credit and we rent don't own, but he isn't willing to live in an apartment, even to save money so we live in an expensive house that took forever to get because of our credit. So background info, messed up credit, messed up life, messed up marriage.

I love my husband, I do, but he was my first real boyfriend, and I'm starting to resent the decision I made, married young, kids too soon, no college education, etc. I have cheated on him. I know he deserves better and I want to either separate or get a divorce. I'm selfish here because I know a divorce is expensive and I don't have income to pay for a lawyer or anything. He has threatened to take the kids from me and make sure I'm stuck with nothing. I'm scared. I want to go to school and want to find a night job and be able to provide for myself and my kids, but he doesn't want me to if we're going to separate or divorce. I don't know what to do or where to go. I have visions of moving on my own and finding a job and going to school but all I can think is, how will I rent with bad credit, how will I pay for school and how will I be able to find time for my kids. Even if I start working soon (which I have been actively looking) it would take a while to be able to save up. My husband makes good money, but with all the bills (rent, vehicles, utilities etc) and extra spending his paycheck doesn't last long

I know I'm a terrible person because I'm using my husband for for money. But I just don't know how to go about leaving to start my own life and let him move on and our kids be in a better situation. 

I've started hanging out more with friends and leaving more just because I can't stand being in the house or with him. He has become emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically abusive because of this. I know he loves me, but I can't even stand barely hugging or kissing him, his touches make me jump just because of some of the abuse but I can't get over it. He non stop tries touching me somewhere "inappropriate" and will do it in front of the kids, in public, but its always 24/7, I hate it.

I know I'm no good, I've been cheating for a year because of my unhappiness, I find happiness elsewhere but I don't want to put my issues on someone else either. I know I want to be single and do soemthing different than what I have. 

No need to tell me how terrible of a person I am, I just don't know where to begin on leaving or trying to be amicable about things because I know he won't take it. Even though we've talked separation or divorce, neither of us goes through with it, me cause I'm scared being a SAHM with no family around and kids that would hopefully be with me and I don't know his reasoning. 

I'm not looking for ridicule, advice would be nice, I'm just confused I guess and way depressed over everything and don't know what to do. Just needed to get things off my chest.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Think about the example you and your husband are setting for your young children. It's not a pretty picture, is it? Your marriage is about money and material things--not love. 

You really need to stop the affair. If you don't want to be married to your husband, get a divorce. Cheating is never right. I'm not exactly sure I can provide any other constructive advice. What you choose to make out of life is entirely up to you. And right now you are making poor choices.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

You are not the person you were yesterday, only the person you choose to be today. That being said, yesterday does leave us with scars and consequences. First off my advice to you would be to change your internal dialogue. How many times did you declare yourself a terrible person? If you keep doing that and are successful in your quest to leave your marriage what kind of man do you suppose you will attract?

My advice to you would be simply start to change the things that you know are wrong. Do what you can for yourself. Stop with the infidelity. Start with a job. Your husband will notice the renewed energy. When he comments on it, then get him to buy in as well. Sometimes there aren't any easy answers, but there is a third solution you haven't considered. That is work your @ss off t
o save your marriage.

Just one man's thoughts

LIL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Here's what you do.
1. stop the affair. 
2. tell hubby about affair.
3. assuming he stays with you, quit spending money you don't have.
4. sell expensive car, buy economy vehicle
5. find a good book on managing finances, set up a budget, and work closely with hubby to get out of debt. 
6. Tell him that if he EVER touches you inappropriately again then you are calling the cops (once again, assuming he wants to stay with you after you tell him about the affair). 

Oh, find a good marriage counselor. Get to work on the marriage. 

If any of those do not appeal to you then file for divorce and at least allow both of you to move on in a timely manner.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Seemed pretty simple to me until you said he was abusive. All the other stuff can be fixed by working together to save your marriage. The abuse is bad. You should not be affraid of the person you married. Talk to your husband like you talked to us. Do it in public if you are scared to confront him in private. Be safe. I still think you can save this marriage if you want to.

Some of the things my wife is doing right now are very bad but I think I would still take her back if she would come to me and ask for help. Until then I am gathering evidence for court.

If you want the kids and he is abusing you call the cops. They will make him leave. Also there is a lot of help for abused spouses, male or female. That would be a hard road but either way I wish you well.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

You really need some counseling, stat. You are sending yourself a lot of seriously destructive messages. You are NOT terrible. You have made some poor decisions.

You say that you know he loves you, but he's abusive, he threatens you all the time, he refuses to live within your means and then blames you for your credit problems -- doesn't sound very loving to me.

No wonder you are unhappy. I'd love to see you talk to someone who can help you think your way through it. If you cannot afford counseling (quite possible), check into some free resources -- some unitarian churches offer free counseling, and they are unlikely to be judgmental.

I would argue with the other commenters -- do NOT tell him about the affair at this juncture, not if he is potentially abusive.

I wish you luck, and please do let us know how you are doing. As the commenter above said, if you feel that he will physically harm you, get out. There are plenty of resources for battered women.


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