# Trying to Recover



## JohnMcCloud (Aug 15, 2011)

...


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

A little humility would go a long way instead of bragging about the “wonderful life” you’ve “given” your wife.You treated your wife like **** and then treated your girlfriend likewise and you only came clean when you were going to be exposed anyway. But now you’re fed up walking on eggshells. Imagine how your wife feels, the man she loved and trusted stuck his **** in another woman but it’s okay because it was just a form of stress relief. Your wife sounds stressed out herself, maybe she should find some young stud and get “unstressed”. (Or maybe undressed).
Maybe show a bit more gratitude to your wife for staying with you and maybe read a few books about getting over an affair, some experienced people reckon it takes about three years for a betrayed spouse to get back to normal after their partner cheated. And that’s with a truly remorseful partner, you have a long way to go before you are remorseful.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

The reality of the situation is that you betrayed her, and slept with another woman. I know it's not a pleasant reality, but _you're_ the one who should be grateful she's even willing to consider being with you. Not being all "I've given you a good life". Surely you realize that all the material things mean absolutely nothing, when the man she had given her heart to has betrayed her in the most painful way possible. You haven't given her a wonderful life, you've taken everything away from her.

She reacts the way she does because she doesn't trust you, and is afraid you'll hurt her again. And she right to feel that way - you aren't trustworthy. And, I don't say that to be mean, but it's true. You can't be frustrated with her for not trusting you, and giving you a hard time, when you've definitively demonstrated that you aren't worthy of trust. A betrayal this profound will likely have permanent consequences. It's unrealistic to expect there to not be a huge amount of fall-out as a result of your actions.

But, perhaps something that would help, is to try thinking about what her actions and words are communicating, rather than what she saying. For instance, when she accuses you of hiding your voicemail, you got angry about what she was saying. And in doing so, missed what she was communicating - that she was terrified that you were still cheating, that you would hurt her again, that she would lose you.

Stop and listen for what she's communicating, rather than what she's saying. She gets upset because she cares.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Your wife isn't trying to fight with you. It sounds like you are trying to fight with your wife by dismissing her rational fears. Six months is nothing after what you did. You are being impatient and mean to your wife. Of course it's your fault how she feels, but you turn that back on her like she's over-reacting. She is not over-reacting and you aren't doing what you need to in order to earn her trust back. It takes years, not a few minutes.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You smashed your wife's life. You destroyed her faith in you by showing her who you really are.

You seem arrogant. "Hey! I haven't cheated on you in six whole months! Don't I deserve special recognition for that wonderful feat of being an excellent husband?"

Well, no. To be perfectly honest, you don't.

You are lucky she did not throw you out. It can take years for a cheated spouse to get over the abuse of being cheated on.

How did you expect her to react? Be a bit off with you for a couple of weeks and then be grateful to you for picking her instead of the other woman?

Nah! Sorry, mate! That's not how it works. 

You showed yourself as being lower than a snake's truss. It will take a long, long time and an awfully large amount of very hard work on your part to be trusted again.

You are falling out of love with your wife? Nope. You already did that. That was why you were able to cheat on her so readily.

I suggest that you take a polygraph test, arrange counselling joint and individual.

Oh, yeah. And this advice is not something I give lightly but you should man up and be the husband your wife deserves.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Six months? Reconciling takes years and even then it doesn't always work. Your marriage has been destroyed and has to be rebuilt. That requires a lot of time and energy and effort for as long as it takes your wife to trust you again. Even if she does regain some of the trust she once had, it's unlikely she'll ever really trust you totally and you shouldn't expect that she will. She may always have doubts about you and wonder if you'll do the same thing again at some point. 

The pain of reconciling makes the pain of divorce seem like a walk in the park in comparison. Be thankful every day she's trying to stay wth you -- many wouldn't -- and keep reminding yourself that you have a very long way to go before life begins to truly return to normal. Six months? No.


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

You call it a mistake.
A mistake is something someone does once and then learns not to do again.

You had sex with another woman over and over again. That's not a one off mistake. It took planning and deception to keep it going.

How many lies did you use to your wife to keep this stress reliving affair going?

How is your stress level now that you got this relief?

And like another poster said, now that your wife is stressed, a little relief of her own might do her good.

The life you both led up until this "mistake" is now overshadowed and will be very hard for your wife to remember now that her rose tinted glasses are off.

You think you are falling out of love with your wife now? Where was your so called love before?

You are going to have to be a bit more understanding about actions and consequences. Man up and take those deserved consequences.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Honestly what do you expect after only 6 months? Rebuilding trust takes many years, if it ever can be rebuilt. 
Its like a vase that has been smashed into thousands of pieces, your putting the vase back together has only just began. If you can't take the heat then you shouldn't have gone into the kitchen. 

Your wifes heart has been smashed, and if you can't be man enough to stay while its rebuilt what does that say about you. 
This is why many will end the marriage, because adultery does crush it. You are very fortunate she stayed.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

I'm really big on R. I really want to see people succeed. They have to start out by realizing they didn't want the end of their M and that they were just throwing everything away. It takes that plus time. 

I don't think you'll make it. Not at all. I'll say like the others: 6 months....???? Is that all. I was in deep depression and hit bottom 5 months out. That was just getting over the original shock. 

Your BW is doing well given the circumstances. She has anger as a result of a serious violation of her as a person. You did that. She is so shaken and uncertain inside and you just want to think: oh, I've been so good for so long. Oh, ok. 

So when are you giving up? If you're going to give it up, get it over with instead of continuing to trigger her by your presence. 
You really have to read up about the real damage you've done to her. You have no idea.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Solution?

(1) Immediate compulsory marriage counseling or (2) separation and/or the filing of divorce papers!

The way I see it, there is little to no middle ground here!*


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Not trying to judge you and speaking as someone who was cheated on by XW I will tell you this.....For your own wife's piece of mind and to hopefully improve yourself, leave her.

She will never trust you again and from here on out will always second guess your intentions, eagle eye your every move and wonder if you will do it again. If that is something that "makes you walk on eggshells", then you are not looking for R, you are looking to rugsweep.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Im not telling you your marriage is definitely over. But you need to get your act together pal. 

I see no remorse. Only regret that you got caught.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Im not telling you your marriage is definitely over. But you need to get your act together pal.
> 
> I see no remorse. Only regret that you got caught.


:iagree:


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Boo hoo John, if you are the man you think yourself to be walk through her shoes. Turn the table around and let's say your bbf (male) from whom you ask advice from and who you trust with your life. And one day your wife was acting rather odd, her knowing something was about to go full blown. She told you that she and your friend has had sex multiple times and that she is sorry that it happened. 

Now you knowing that your friend is hung like a donkey, and then you wife tells you she gave Tom sex in ways she never gave you. Now imagine Your wife talking a pounding with your best friend and she is Loving it and is wanting to give Tom, the full menu of anything Tom wants and just loves his load in her.. Pounding after pounding. So... you forgave her and there you are 6 months later knowing, Tom did to her what you have been asking from her since you knew her. And never could never get, then it starts to play over and over in your mind movie 

Tom's huge member doing things to her over and over and do you know that she's loving it each and every time! Now after this 6 months has passed and she's told you it was just a mistake. And doesn't understand stand what's so upsetting, jeez it's been six months and she is rather besides her self and feels like she's walking on eggshells and you forgiven her so what in the hell is the big deal. Get over it be a man about it after all you forgave her.

Indeed how arrogant, and shall l say, shall shallow. You only think of yourself, and your happiness to hell with your wife after all she's only your wife after all. And she should get over it because you work through it and gave her things to prove your sorry. Think not! dude your another loser type calling oneself a man, and that thinks with his johnson instead of his heart. YOU need to do the hard work and carry the heavy load and if you can't then give her the house and everything you have accumulated and what each of you did together. And just go away.... And then don't tell anyone that your loving wife doesn't forgive and forget. 

YOU DID THIS!! John and with that other woman who you thought was worth it. Man... it's time to get over yourself.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

John this is how your woman feels, now how do you feel. If the tables were turned?


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

How long married, is your wife financially dependent on you, how old are you guys, any kids?

I'm glad you stopped by because frankly I think you need help. First, you run your wife over with a car (destroy her: damage her mentally and physically loosing weight & sleep) and now you're impatient with her recovery? Studies show it takes 3-5 years minimum for your wife to heal. 

A must read for you is: "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful" by Linda MacDonald. 

Studies of adulterers shows that (at least in the context of their relationship) the following characteristics allowed you to cheat: selfish, entitled, deceitful, and lacking empathy for their spouse. Maybe you're great at your job and/or a great parent - but as a husband you failed.

Reread your self centered post. You're over board selfish, entitled, and lacking in empathy for your wife. 

What have your done to fix yourself so that your wife feels safe from adultery?

Marriage is hard work. We all deal with disappointment, anger, illness, temptation, STRESS, (the list is endless) - but you chose (among other coping strategies) to cope by cheating. Why?

Stress is just a convenient justification for you to cheat - but not an explanation as to why? You need IC and lots of self introspection to identify the core reason for your decision to be unfaithful. Why? Because if you don't - you will cheat again and again. 

Deep down your wife knows this and does not trust you.

I wish you both well.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

She may be willing to reconcile, but you obviously are not.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Forgive will take years. Are you in it for the long haul? I'm not so sure if you are already bugging about triggers and your poor wife having to deal.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

John, in August of 2011: You have already had several 'flings'. You are Californian and she is Pakistani and there are cultural problems. This is your second marriage.



JohnMcCloud said:


> If you want to really understand what hell is, fall in love with another woman while married.
> 
> This is not some cliché BS, it’s true. I am the bad guy here, no excuses; I met a friend, whom I got close to, which became an affair, which became an attachment. I do not dislike my wife, but over the years the passion fades, the fog goes away and the person whom you married becomes human and has flaws.
> 
> ...


You did warn others of the consequences. But here you are again. Is the above the same wife as currently?

You are an unhappy serial cheater. I think you should forgo marriage period.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

He lost me at "it was just a form of stress relief." And yet I read on, hoping to find a glimmer of hope for the poor woman. I find none. Normally I'd think we should lay off a bit and let him respond to the TAM judicial system, but the info from his past thread provides enough context for sentencing.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

JohnMcCloud said:


> Hi all,
> 
> So in this case, I was the cheater. It lasted a little while, it was not emotional for me, it was just a form if stress release. I broke it off, she got angry, started stalking me, sending “gifts” to my house. Wasn’t long before I came clean with my wife. My wife and I have mostly reconciled, or so I thought.
> 
> ...


Would suggest marriage counseling and individual counseling for you both. 

Also, it will take a year or two for your wife to heal from this.


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## JohnMcCloud (Aug 15, 2011)

BioFury said:


> She reacts the way she does because she doesn't trust you, and is afraid you'll hurt her again. And she right to feel that way - you aren't trustworthy. And, I don't say that to be mean, but it's true. You can't be frustrated with her for not trusting you, and giving you a hard time, when you've definitively demonstrated that you aren't worthy of trust. A betrayal this profound will likely have permanent consequences. It's unrealistic to expect there to not be a huge amount of fall-out as a result of your actions.
> 
> But, perhaps something that would help, is to try thinking about what her actions and words are communicating, rather than what she saying. For instance, when she accuses you of hiding your voicemail, you got angry about what she was saying. And in doing so, missed what she was communicating - that she was terrified that you were still cheating, that you would hurt her again, that she would lose you.
> 
> Stop and listen for what she's communicating, rather than what she's saying. She gets upset because she cares.


Wow, with so little information I get pages of damnation. Unbelievable, thanks for all of you telling me how terrible I am. Helps a lot. Of all the judgmental crap here, at least one post has some real honest value to it. 

Next time someone asks for help, maybe some of you should think a moment before pulling out stones......


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

John,
Symptom management is pointless. 

When your wife has an anxiety attack - just make eye contact - softly put your hands on her shoulders and say: I’m sorry I’ve destroyed your trust in me. It must be very frightening to be with someone you distrust.

Rinse repeat. 

Stop arguing about whether the shadows she’s jumping at are real as they are merely symptoms. 

Turn on ‘find my friends’ - if you have nothing to hide. 

And if you don’t start seeing forgiveness within a year - you likely never will. Some people nurse grievances endlessly. 

If she isn’t going to TRY to work towards rebuilding trust, you ought to leave her. For both your sake. 

Some people LIKE being angry. 



JohnMcCloud said:


> Hi all,
> 
> So in this case, I was the cheater. It lasted a little while, it was not emotional for me, it was just a form if stress release. I broke it off, she got angry, started stalking me, sending “gifts” to my house. Wasn’t long before I came clean with my wife. My wife and I have mostly reconciled, or so I thought.
> 
> ...


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

JohnMcCloud said:


> Wow, with so little information I get pages of damnation. Unbelievable, thanks for all of you telling me how terrible I am. Helps a lot. Of all the judgmental crap here, at least one post has some real honest value to it.
> 
> Next time someone asks for help, maybe some of you should think a moment before pulling out stones......


What a little ***** you are. Just divorce her and spare her your sob story.

You destroyed her life, you don't also get to be hurt by that.

Most people say it takes 1-2 years to even start healing. 6 months is a long way from 1-2 years, and that is just to start really healing.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

So how many flings have you had over the years. From your previous posts, you have had several. 

You should have divorced back in 2011 and started see your affair partner.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

8 years ago, you were with someone for 6 years, that you were cheating on. Today, you have been with someone 10 years that you are cheating on.

Those things don't add up mathematically, so what is the truth?

Are you married to the Pakistani woman that you cheated on in 2011, and it is really 14 years you have been together? Or is this some other person that you were screwing while with your 2nd wife in 2011?

It is all confusing and doesn't seem to add up.

So, is there anything in your life that is actually true?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

QFT




BioFury said:


> The reality of the situation is that you betrayed her, and slept with another woman. I know it's not a pleasant reality, but _you're_ the one who should be grateful she's even willing to consider being with you. Not being all "I've given you a good life". Surely you realize that all the material things mean absolutely nothing, when the man she had given her heart to has betrayed her in the most painful way possible. You haven't given her a wonderful life, you've taken everything away from her.
> 
> She reacts the way she does because she doesn't trust you, and is afraid you'll hurt her again. And she right to feel that way - you aren't trustworthy. And, I don't say that to be mean, but it's true. You can't be frustrated with her for not trusting you, and giving you a hard time, when you've definitively demonstrated that you aren't worthy of trust. A betrayal this profound will likely have permanent consequences. It's unrealistic to expect there to not be a huge amount of fall-out as a result of your actions.
> 
> ...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I AM Speaking as a MOD

There is a rule prohibiting: attacking or insulting other posters

This is the ONLY warning I will issue



Tasorundo said:


> What a little ***** you are. Just divorce her and spare her your sob story.
> 
> You destroyed her life, you don't also get to be hurt by that.
> 
> Most people say it takes 1-2 years to even start healing. 6 months is a long way from 1-2 years, and that is just to start really healing.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

John,

The caliber of help you will receive is gated by the: clarity and completeness with which you describe your situation.

For example, a first affair is quite different from a second or third. 

If your desire is to get help, you’ve come to the right place. 

If however you’ve come to get sympathy, you may be disappointed....





JohnMcCloud said:


> Wow, with so little information I get pages of damnation. Unbelievable, thanks for all of you telling me how terrible I am. Helps a lot. Of all the judgmental crap here, at least one post has some real honest value to it.
> 
> Next time someone asks for help, maybe some of you should think a moment before pulling out stones......


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Infidelity is trauma for the well-adjusted partner. It takes years to recover from. It's like mourning a death. This is standard, well-accepted psychology.

Infidelity is simply no biggie to a serial cheater, however. It is not an aberration. It is a way of life. You sound like a serial cheater.

I, too, think you sound utterly unempathetic toward the wife that you have traumatized.

You're indignant at the responses you're getting here, but perhaps you should be more thoughtful about it. Just consider that you might have this wrong, that your BW isn't an outlier, that you are being very selfish.

An emotionally healthy person married to a serial cheater almost never works. It's just a recipe for a life of pain.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

I think the fundamental reason that a cheater is going to be able to patch things up with a betrayed spouse and both live happily ever after, is that, if the person who cheated could truly understand what it takes for the betrayed spouse to recover, the cheater wouldn't likely have cheated in the first place. We talk so often about how long it takes the betrayed spouse to recover. We don't mention that the person who cheated isn't going to change their own thinking overnight. People rarely have epiphanies that result in an instantly-changed reborn person. It likely takes longer for the person who cheated to become a better person, to change their root mindset, than it does for the betrayed spouse to recover.

Think about it. In most cases, the betrayed spouse has to gain a combination of acceptance, an uncalled-for requirement of grace, and a lifetime of concern that it could happen again. That's not going to happen in 6 months. The damage goes on for decades, even if the pain subsides. But the betrayed spouse doesn't necessarily need to change his or her root values. The cheater does. There's something amiss at the core of the cheater's programming that allows it to happen without the consequences throwing the circuit breaker that most of us have. The cheater can realize it's wrong to cheat but something is likely still there that made it permissible.


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## JohnMcCloud (Aug 15, 2011)

MEM2020 said:


> John,
> 
> The caliber of help you will receive is gated by the: clarity and completeness with which you describe your situation.
> 
> ...


Agreed and understood. I have no interest in anybody's sympathy, or even compassion. Just wanted a second set of eyes to help me see the situation from another point of view. Streams of hate mail from self righteous folks so willing to pass sentence yet unwilling to provide advice as I had thought the purpose of this forum to be, is disappointing. I guess its easy, to sit back and pass judgement, I can only hope those tossing rocks my way don't find themselves on the receiving end of the same. 

Good luck to all of you and your self righteous BS. I hope your all as perfect as you want everyone to believe, because life has a way of disclosing the flaws of even those that think themselves most pure. >


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

JohnMcCloud said:


> Wow, with so little information I get pages of damnation. Unbelievable, thanks for all of you telling me how terrible I am. Helps a lot. Of all the judgmental crap here, at least one post has some real honest value to it.
> 
> Next time someone asks for help, maybe some of you should think a moment before pulling out stones......


John, what you feel is the resonating vibs, from so many hurt and betrayed spouses, your story is not unique. What you feel is the unknown to your personality of which in your short posting you live with day in and day out. Your words and feeling are real but, l think it lacks empathy, in the sense that you demand closure. Pain and hurt feeling are real, ( this is what I read in your reply) maybe you will never return here, or if you do help is here ask directly what you can do to help yourself and your wife. Then let us help you, the anger and pain you have read is real to you, just imagine the pain and hurt another one carries because of your deeds.

Ownership is your true obstacle in your path, do this and you will grow and it will take it's toll on your belief because we tend to love ourselves so much we have forgotten. What pain from other really feels like.

My best to you again if you return, and truly ask for help, we will all chip in. Yes it will not be easy because we lie to ourselves thinking how we know better than everyone.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

JohnMcCloud said:


> Agreed and understood. I have no interest in anybody's sympathy, or even compassion. Just wanted a second set of eyes to help me see the situation from another point of view. Streams of hate mail from self righteous folks so willing to pass sentence yet unwilling to provide advice as I had thought the purpose of this forum to be, is disappointing. I guess its easy, to sit back and pass judgement, I can only hope those tossing rocks my way don't find themselves on the receiving end of the same.
> 
> Good luck to all of you and your self righteous BS. I hope your all as perfect as you want everyone to believe, because life has a way of disclosing the flaws of even those that think themselves most pure. >


Anytime you want to come back and clear up that timeline, feel free to do so.

As a person that came here because I cheated on my wife, your attitude towards your wife does not seem to have any compassion or sympathy for her pain. I doubt you will ever have a successful marriage with her or anyone so long as your attitude is that way.

You don't get to define the timeline for her healing, nor the times she is allowed to be upset with you. This is what you created, sorry that it isn't the giant party you thought it would be.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

JohnMcCloud said:


> Agreed and understood. I have no interest in anybody's sympathy, or even compassion. Just wanted a second set of eyes to help me see the situation from another point of view. Streams of hate mail from self righteous folks so willing to pass sentence yet unwilling to provide advice as I had thought the purpose of this forum to be, is disappointing. I guess its easy, to sit back and pass judgement, I can only hope those tossing rocks my way don't find themselves on the receiving end of the same.
> 
> Good luck to all of you and your self righteous BS. I hope your all as perfect as you want everyone to believe, because life has a way of disclosing the flaws of even those that think themselves most pure. >


Most here have been on the receiving end of what you have done to your wife. No judgement - just a fact. They are trying to explain what your wife is feeling.

True R take years and you have barely started. Your wife will be suspicious for several more months. Do not expect her to change over night it takes time after time of doing what you have been doing to be open and honest with her.

But getting defensive about her questions and even her accusations does not help/ You have to learn patience and let her rant and rave. Even if she said she wants to R, she is still destroyed by what you did. She may get it out of her system and then the true R can begin, or she may decide she can't handle it after all.

You have to maintain patience and calm until she decides.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

JohnMcCloud said:


> Agreed and understood. I have no interest in anybody's sympathy, or even compassion. Just wanted a second set of eyes to help me see the situation from another point of view. Streams of hate mail from self righteous folks so willing to pass sentence yet unwilling to provide advice as I had thought the purpose of this forum to be, is disappointing. I guess its easy, to sit back and pass judgement, I can only hope those tossing rocks my way don't find themselves on the receiving end of the same.
> 
> Good luck to all of you and your self righteous BS. I hope your all as perfect as you want everyone to believe, because life has a way of disclosing the flaws of even those that think themselves most pure. >


Dude, your attitude about the situation is all wrong. _That_ is what sets people here off, not merely the fact that you cheated.

For instance, your post above. You're trying to turn yourself into the victim of unjustified hostility. And while a minority of the responses may have been inappropriate, you're now trying to turn it around and attack everyone else for all their flaws. I realize it could be a protection mechanism, but you really need to be more humble. You need to find the place of "I'm a piece of garbage, I stabbed my wife in the back", not the "I know I messed up, but I've done a lot of other good stuff. When is she gonna get over it?".

Your _attitude _conveys that you're not sorry (or not nearly sorry enough), and don't comprehend the gravity of your actions. That you don't care about your wife, and what you've done to her. But just want to mitigate the unpleasant consequences of your gargantuan screw up.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

JohnMcCloud said:


> Agreed and understood. I have no interest in anybody's sympathy, or even compassion. Just wanted a second set of eyes to help me see the situation from another point of view. Streams of hate mail from self righteous folks so willing to pass sentence yet unwilling to provide advice as I had thought the purpose of this forum to be, is disappointing. I guess its easy, to sit back and pass judgement, I can only hope those tossing rocks my way don't find themselves on the receiving end of the same.
> 
> Good luck to all of you and your self righteous BS. I hope your all as perfect as you want everyone to believe, because life has a way of disclosing the flaws of even those that think themselves most pure. >


John, John, John. What did you expect Dawg? You come on this site telling us that you riding another filly is nothing more than stress relief, that how new poon tang comes along and makes you feel young again, alive, brightens dull days and you don't appreciate how you've given you wife plenty of opportunity the forgive you and forget it ever happened. And you come on here accusing us of dishing out self righteous BS. You're the one that got tangled up with a side chick that paid no attention to your "Three-F' club membership and started stalking you and caused the chickens to come home to roost at your front door. Now you're singing the blues that your wife sees you as an cheating, untrustworthy POS. Guess what my man. You can't be trusted and that's the problem. We're not self righteous BS shooter. We can just size you up before you make your third post. 
If you what to stay around, great. If you decide to quit and/or go elsewhere, this time tomorrow, nobody will remember you even open a thread.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

This OP had a few other threads, all with the same type of content. "I cheated and now I expect everyone to forgive me and blah blah blah". I see he just today removed the other posts as well.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> This OP had a few other threads, all with the same type of content. "I cheated and now I expect everyone to forgive me and blah blah blah". I see he just today removed the other posts as well.


If only it were so easy to erase or change our history in real life! 

I've given a bit of thought, from time to time, to revising some of my prior posts, or deleting them altogether, because they put me in a bad light and I was getting beaten up. But it's only if mistakes made are painful that we learn from them. If we can "delete" our mistakes, cover them up, then there's less incentive to do better. 

In my business, I learned long ago to own up to mistake made. It is commonplace for someone to try and blame someone else down the line. I remember one time, looking at the warehouse and seeing something that had gone back to the manufacturer for repair two weeks ago. I was excited it got back so fast! Then I realized... yikes... it never left. Would have been easy to tell the customer there'd been a delay at the manufacturer so it was going to take some extra time. I've had employees do things like that. Those employees are no longer with the company. I immediately called the customer and told him that we'd screwed up, that it somehow never left the shop, so I was paying extra $$$ to get it shipped 2nd-day air and make sure it got processed quickly at the other end. Threw myself under the bus. Customer appreciated the honesty, and the extra cost involved, and having to make that phone call... I made sure something like that never happened again.

If mistakes aren't painful, they're more likely to continue. Pain and discomfort can be a motivation to do the right thing next time. Or, to just keep sweeping under the rug. You gotta not sweep under the rug. Face the music. Take the medicine. Don't pretend you're the victim.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Thread has been closed. The OP has deleted his initial thread.


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