# Feeling like a *****



## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

So, I dated a man who turned out to be married. We split up.

I dated another man. He had a gf and I had no idea.

I am feeling remorse for both of these relationships.

Should I tell the wife and the gf of both of these pigs?

I have kept everything to myself but inside me I feel as if I should tell them both.

Opinions?


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

If it were me, I would. It is only fair that they know what they are dealing with.


----------



## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

In their position, what you want to happen? I'm sure you'd want to know.

The remorse you feel is because you have empathy for the wife and gf that you inadvertently wronged.

Do the right thing and tell them, you'll feel better. 

The two men are despicable cheaters. Let the two men find out what happens when they choose to betray their SOs with a decent person.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Going forward, what do you think you can do to be a little more certain of whether a man is married or not?


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

lovesmanis said:


> So, I dated a man who turned out to be married. We split up.
> 
> I dated another man. He had a gf and I had no idea.
> 
> ...


The married guy...yup, drop a dime on his azz. The guy who's dating...you never know, maybe he's not in an exclusive relationship, and has just lied to you about his dating status. If, however, he's in a long term exclusive relationship, I'm sure she'd like to know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

If you are asking the question, I think you already have the answer.

Do what you feel is right.

You could let CheaterVille :: Don't Be the Last to Know do all the hard work for you.


----------



## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

I hate being the OW constantly.


----------



## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

It makes me feel odd.

I have a good career, home, car, security, am funny and open and a sexual monster, but men always choose women that are less then me.

I know it is because they are intimidated, but it is taking its toll.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

lovesmanis said:


> I hate being the OW constantly.





2ntnuf said:


> Going forward, what do you think you can do to be a little more certain of whether a man is married or not?


As far as men being afraid, it's probably that you are not looking for men who are compatible, or where you might find a man who is compatible.


----------



## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

I look for compatible men. They just always are cheaters.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Squeakr said:


> If it were me, I would. It is only fair that they know what they are dealing with.


Ditto.


----------



## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Uggggg


----------



## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Hate this crap.


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Just like you would have wanted to know. Let them know. If we all did this, the world would give them the consequences they rightly deserve. 

The BS would be greatful. Anyone would be. It's not your fault They're pigs!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Counselling might help get your verve back.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

How are you meeting these jackasses? Not to rub salt in the wound, but a new approach would seem to be in order.


----------



## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

I am in counselling.

She says that I am too soft so I attract all of the needy guys.

They put on the strong front and then when things happen they show their true colours.

Love is a game.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> How are you meeting these jackasses? Not to rub salt in the wound, but a new approach would seem to be in order.





2ntnuf said:


> As far as men being afraid, it's probably that you are not looking for men who are compatible, or where you might find a man who is compatible.





lovesmanis said:


> I look for compatible men. They just always are cheaters.


So, you don't take any responsibility for who you chose to date? I know I take responsibility for not paying attention to the red flags I saw in my second wife, before we married. I could have avoided all of this, if I heeded my gut feelings and the little blurbs of truth that seeped through my needy and love-stricken brain. 

I certainly understand how a person might believe that the world is full of only cheaters, but you know that really cannot be true. Don't you?


----------



## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

I think you should tell them. They deserve to know. If somebody knew about my situation, I would have wanted them to tell me.


----------



## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

lovesmanis said:


> It makes me feel odd.
> 
> I have a good career, home, car, security, am funny and open and a sexual monster, but men always choose women that are less then me.
> 
> I know it is because they are intimidated, but it is taking its toll.


The fact you are questioning it shows me that you have morals. The questioning of it tells me that you need to ask yourself if you are researching these people enough beforehand. 

Obviously, you are a magnet. and there's only so much you can know and do but your showing guilt tells me you have a conscious. Looking back, is there anything you can do extra to check these guys out ? 

Sorry you ran into these guys.

If they are willing to cheat on their exclusive partners, then they would be on you. 

Some of these guys will step out to go out with a sexual monster. Shame on them for selling out their morals


----------



## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

I do my best to live by the golden rule and even though I am not a religious person I do believe there is great truth and wisdom in some religious teachings. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. You would want to know.

Perhaps consider taking more time to investigate prospective suitors and maybe save yourself some heartache. Sorry for your pain.

Also, I take offense to comparing some men to pigs. Pigs are decent animals and undeserving of insult.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

NoChoice said:


> I do my best to live by the golden rule and even though I am not a religious person I do believe there is great truth and wisdom in some religious teachings. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. You would want to know.
> 
> Perhaps consider taking more time to investigate prospective suitors and maybe save yourself some heartache. Sorry for your pain.
> 
> Also, I take offense to comparing some men to pigs. *Pigs are decent animals and undeserving of insult.*


Also...

BACON ROLL


----------



## KingwoodKev (Jan 15, 2015)

lovesmanis said:


> So, I dated a man who turned out to be married. We split up.
> 
> I dated another man. He had a gf and I had no idea.
> 
> ...


You should definitely tell. If you were married and your spouse was a lowlife cheater you'd definitely want to know. Kudos to you for immediately breaking it off when you found out. You're a person of integrity and that is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Also...
> 
> BACON ROLL


Damn.....that looks like a heart attack on about bite number 4.

Okay, I'm in!


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

^^--- coronary casserole on a charger

I just had a pork chop with a few potatoes chopped and added to the dish. Pigs make deliciously decadent delightful dinners.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

intheory said:


> Especially with the guy who just had a gf. As someone else said, they might not have been exclusive.


FWIW, I'd think that, if that were indeed the case, it would've been something that was discussed at the onset of the relationship, and then OP wouldn't have been left scratching her head once she "found out" that the guy had a girlfriend.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

3putt said:


> Damn.....that looks like a heart attack on about bite number 4.
> 
> Okay, I'm in!


Meh. Just bring a fistful of of beta blockers and chase everything down w/ a couple of Heparin shooters, and you're good.


----------



## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Gus, you are something else.


----------



## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Both are in the past year.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

lovesmanis said:


> Both are in the past year.


If you believe these guys were better than anyone else you've had a chance to date, I think you need to listen to your counselor. You have a skewed opinion of what is good for you. You are worth more, and I bet your counselor knows that, too. It seems it's you who does not think you are worth much. You are proving that to yourself by dating lower quality men. You can't tell me you didn't know, on some level, something was amiss. Even I knew with my second wife, and I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.


----------



## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

lovesmanis said:


> It makes me feel odd.
> 
> I have a good career, home, car, security, am funny and open and a sexual monster, but men always choose women that are less then me.
> 
> I know it is because they are intimidated, but it is taking its toll.


Don't worry kiddo, there's plenty of men out there that would very much appreciate a woman like you. I know, I married one, and I don't feel inadequate or intimidated by her. We do just fine. She's HD too, much more than me


----------



## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Want to filter the scum? Tell them "Lie with me about being available and I'll make your life a living hell"


----------



## BucksBunny (Jan 6, 2015)

Nasty stuff happens in life, wish it did not but it does. You just get wiser and older.

Life goes on and you get on with it, sucks yip sure does.

Calling out maybe, you can be surprised only cheat I had BF of 8 months I called other girl out after I binned him not for get off my man more she would speak more truth to me than he would. Worked where I worked so nice and polite we talked used same lines to cover on both of us so we both knew we were speaking the truth.

He was cheating her as much as I both kicked him to kerb 10min chat Rat was in gutter where it belonged. I am not nasty or any thing but you could find a grateful and sympathetic voice other end and rats don’t like two to zero game score for a less than a minute text to send. 

Just my humble opinion and thoughts.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lovesmanis said:


> Gus, you are something else.


Aww shucks...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lovesmanis said:


> I look for compatible men. They just always are cheaters.


So how do you think you can vet them better?

How long did you date these two guys?


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up hallucinogens...


----------



## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> So how do you think you can vet them better?
> 
> How long did you date these two guys?


The married guy for a year and a half off and on.
The guy with a gf for 5 months off and on.

I decided that I am not going to say anything to their partners.
I was tested for STDs and am in the clear there.
I also gave them both the b!tching of their lives about how they should man up and be ashamed of their behaviour. How only pu$$ies do not have the balls to leave bad relationships and cheat.

They can now live in their own skin.


----------



## Daniel. (Jan 14, 2015)

lovesmanis said:


> I have a good career, home, car, security, am funny and open and a sexual monster, but men always choose *women that are less then me.*
> 
> I know it is because they are intimidated, but it is taking its toll.


Tell their SO, they deserve to know. You have great sense to leave these cake eaters immediately
And can you explain the bolded part ?


----------



## JustAnotherMan (Jun 27, 2012)

OP...how do you date someone for a year and a half and not figure out he is married? Or even the man with a gf for 5 months?

Were these men your SO or just a casual date partner? 

They sound like casual date partners and they took you for a FWB.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

lovesmanis said:


> So, I dated a man who turned out to be married. We split up.
> 
> I dated another man. He had a gf and I had no idea.
> 
> ...


I would. I don't like letting creeps like this harm people. I consider it my civic duty.


----------



## KingwoodKev (Jan 15, 2015)

lovesmanis said:


> The married guy for a year and a half off and on.
> The guy with a gf for 5 months off and on.
> 
> I decided that I am not going to say anything to their partners.
> ...


It's your decision but I'll tell you from the standpoint of a betrayed spouse that I wish to God someone had told me what was going on.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

lovesmanis said:


> The married guy for a year and a half off and on.
> The guy with a gf for 5 months off and on.
> 
> I decided that I am not going to say anything to their partners.
> ...


They deserve and have a right to know what they are dealing with if they aren't telling them you should.

Seems that the bolded part above is pretty hypocritical in a way, as you aren't telling all either but chiding them for their actions (which you took part in as well, so you were part of the problem as well). You were a party to this (yes you might have been duped by them but a party none the less), and since you had STD tests, then you have been physical with them and therefor I feel owe it to the BW/GF to let them know the character of their H/BF. 

If you don't then your hiding of this information makes you no better than them as far as I can see. I guess it is your choice to live honorably and do the right thing or continue to hide it and live with it yourself. I couldn't, but maybe you are wired differently.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

lovesmanis said:


> I look for compatible men. They just always are cheaters.


*That, or you're just innately attracting them somehow! So how did you come to meet these guys if you don't mind me asking?*


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Look, these "guys" did not have bad relationships. Their relationships were just fine. They lied to you to get in your pants.

You had better tell their GF/W immediately. They are being lied to too. Make sure you can provide enough detail about them so they know it's true.

Their "guys" will lie and tell their women you're some crazy lady who is just plain nuts. So have some personal detail only they and you would know as proof.

Then, lessons learned. Save that monster sex for a decent guy. You mean all that time with the married guy, you never went to his place? Same with GF guy? Amazing. Maybe dating guy was married too.


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

lovesmanis said:


> So, I dated a man who turned out to be married. We split up.
> 
> I dated another man. He had a gf and I had no idea.
> 
> I am feeling remorse for both of these relationships.



You really have no reason for remorse because you didn't know and when you found out you did the right thing.




> Should I tell the wife and the gf of both of these pigs?


I sure would. They deserve to know what kind of man to whom they are married.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Q tip said:


> Look, these "guys" did not have bad relationships. Their relationships were just fine. *They lied to you to get in your pants.*
> 
> You had better tell their GF/W immediately. They are being lied to too. Make sure you can provide enough detail about them so they know it's true.
> 
> ...


 Men would never take advantage of a lonely woman. 
Would they? Wasn't it her choice, not the guys'? Seriously, this seems to blame the AP. Sort of, if you get me? So, if it's not an AP's fault at all for the infidelity, why in hell would it be these guys fault? Devil's advocate, but it is a good question. Don't you think?


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

the married garbage cheated on his wife for a year and a half with you----she deserves to know----do it anonymously if you don't wanna ID yourself---but at least let her know what kind of POS she has for a H-----you do not need to go beyond giving the initial info

Are you setting up your dates on-line---- it is simple enuff to check on these guys and find out if they are married----there are plenty of ways to check on them

The dating scene can be tuff or it can be fun---depending on how you wanna play the game----as to getting serious-----play it slow and easy, just make sure you test drive the model before you buy into it---------but the right thing to do, is to drop the dime on the POS married guy!!!!!!!!!


----------



## loopy lu (Oct 30, 2013)

Maybe your man-picker is broke?


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Lets not blame her for the lousy character of the men she wound up with. People can be very deceiving and many people do not truly know the people they end up with until so much time has passed. 

That's why they call it "getting to know someone"


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lovesmanis said:


> The married guy for a year and a half off and on.
> The guy with a gf for 5 months off and on.


I am curious - how does one date a man for a year and a half and not know he is married? Did you ever go to his house? Do you ask straight up in they are married? Where are you meeting these guys?

Also, why the recent desire to tell their partners? Did you recently have contact with one of them? Just wondering.



lovesmanis said:


> Love is a game.


Well, I agree with this.


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> I am curious - how does one date a man for a year and a half and not know he is married? Did you ever go to his house? Do you ask straight up in they are married? Where are you meeting these guys?


Ya, that has always bothered me.

If I am dating someone, then within a few weeks, I'm going to know where they live.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I kid you not, I have been on dates with men and asked them point blank, "Are you married?" 

Not ever seeing a man's house/being invited to is a BIG RED FLAG (unless he's a spy or something).


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

turnera said:


> I would. I don't like letting creeps like this harm people. I consider it my civic duty.


Word. I mean... if it were just some guy that you knew then I could understand not saying anything. But someone that you dated on and off for 18 months?

Sorry, but I'd have to say something. And I'd _probably_ say something to the other guy's GF as well.



KingwoodKev said:


> It's your decision but I'll tell you from the standpoint of a betrayed spouse that *I wish to God someone had told me what was going on.*


Or, rather, that OMW had told you sooner than she did.



Squeakr said:


> They deserve and have a right to know what they are dealing with if they aren't telling them you should.


:iagree:



vellocet said:


> You really have no reason for remorse because you didn't know and when you found out you did the right thing.
> 
> I sure would. They deserve to know what kind of man to whom they are married.


:iagree: x 2! I can understand why you'd feel badly about it, though.



jnj express said:


> the married garbage cheated on his wife for a year and a half with you----she deserves to know----do it anonymously if you don't wanna ID yourself---but at least let her know what kind of POS she has for a H-----you do not need to go beyond giving the initial info


:iagree:


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> I kid you not, I have been on dates with men and asked them point blank, "Are you married?"


:lol: :rofl:



Jellybeans said:


> Not ever seeing a man's house/being invited to is a BIG RED FLAG (unless he's a spy or something).


You'd think so, huh?


----------

