# How do you leave?? still so confused....advice please!



## e.dawne (Mar 7, 2011)

You know how they ask you if you had all the money in the world-would you still be with someone? My answer is no. i would be on the first car trip out, with my kids. I just dont know what to do. My family wont help me, they think 8 years of me being depressed, unhappy, fat and in a bad relationship doesnt mean i should leave. I have two sons 7 and 3, my oldest has ASD- i dont know if i could handle him on my own. but i am so close to hating him. He does nothing. absolutley nothing.There hasnt been any affairs-but im worried if i carry on like this (we havent had sex in 2 months minimum i think)(because the only way he can even UNDERSTAND something is wrong- is me not connecting with him) im liable to look somewhere else for what i need- and i really dont want to be that person. 

He works (as a apprentice) and says that what i do at home (and my part time job at a medical clinic) isnt even half of what he does. Its just- maybe i loved him when we first started-9 years ago for about 3 months until he broke up with me. there is no real happy memories. If i leave i have no where to go- i cant work cause my job is evenings with no chance of mornings, my family cant put me up at all, his family is almost desititute (the "last straw") and now blames me for trying to help them. im already in my own bed here. 

i cant talk to him-he always ends up blaming me for everything, I never talk to him, IM always unhappy, I will hurt the kids if we split up. he wont leave (ive asked him before) he has the car that was my dead grandmothers given to us for the kids as my car is falling apart. i dont know what to do, where to go. i've done everything, councilling for me, my kids, ive asked him to go to a mens group for his anger. i cant live here much longer and i cant afford rent. How do i leave? can anyone tell me their stories? how they did it?


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## Michelle S. (Apr 1, 2011)

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have not gone through anything like this myself and if you are saying you have tried everything including counseling, my suggestion would be that if you dont have support from family. Would you have support from friends? neighbors? It is never good to be stuck in a relationship where someone is emotionally and physically abusive. Has his anger ever gotten so strong that he has placed a hand on you or the kids? You have to think of what is in the best interest of the kids. For the kids to see his parents fighting, being in two separate rooms and witnessing abuse can create other problems down the road.Leaving now while they are young and gaining control back of your life and providing your children with a quality of life would pay off. During this process of separation I would reccommend that you place your children and yourself in counseling to help you and them grief this process. It is a big change and it wont be easy. Write a list of pro's and cons and share it here or with friends. Maybe your kids schools have resources that offer free counseling services for the family. Best of luck to you


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