# loves but not in love



## shaw9 (Sep 20, 2011)

i have been married for 16 years and have 4 kids. my wife and i have had problems on and off the whole time. recently she started texting a younger man and talking to him as well. now she wants to separate because she loves me but is not in love with me. i dont want it to end what can i do?


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## adv (Feb 26, 2011)

She is having an affair with this younger man. If he has a wife, expose it her as well as your wife's and his families. If not, tell her divorce is the only option because you will not live in an open marriage.

Separation is an excuse to continue an affair without questions being asked or prying eyes seeing it.

Get evidence (Voice activated recorder, text logs, etc...) and then expose all.

Also, in the mean time time, work on yourself (lift weights, exercise, lose weight if needed, etc...) and show her what she is losing.

The one thing I recommend, is do not beg her for anything; do not beg for her to stop, do not plead for your marriage, and do not try to reason with her. When in an affair, reason goes out the door.

The only thing you can do is state you will not be in an open marriage and then follow though on that if necessary.


Also if your wife is texting another man this thread should be moved to the "Coping with Infidelity" subforum.


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## adv (Feb 26, 2011)

I went through almost the same situation; if you don't kill it early, it will only get worse.

There are many great posters here who will give you more detailed advice on what to do and what not to do.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Love but not in love
is a well known code for

I am having an affair with someone else and love him more at the moment since its all so shiny new with them. I can't feel that intense for someone I am cheating on. I must devalue that person so I can continue to do the mean thing I'm doing.


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## fool for love (Sep 20, 2011)

Those words were told to me by my 1st H the day before I gave birth to our son, and now (on Monday) but my current H. Those are words I will never want to hear again in my lifetime. 

Did you try or suggest MC? There has to be more then just this young man. Something she is not coping or dealing with? Depression?


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## shaw9 (Sep 20, 2011)

i have made her end it as soon as i found out. she actually told me about it. it took place for 4 weeks. we are going to see and mc on friday. i am moving to the basement for the time being while we work on getting reconnected. thank you for the replys please keep them coming.


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