# Blame it on the rain.......



## Shake-N-Bake (Jul 10, 2012)

Okay crowd, kind of a long story, but I don't want to leave anything out.

It all started on a snowy winter day. I was going to head out to massage school, and was very frustrated 
that I could not get a hold of the school to see if school was closed. Down our private road I headed, 
only to find there was a car stuck on the side of the road, and a tow truck stuck on the other side. I 
hit the gas steadily as I tried to make it between the two (in my sportscar), and instead of letting me by, the tow truck 
driver hits the gas, nearly careening into me. I hit the brakes and slowly slid backwards, now being
stuck as well. I got out of the car and started yelling at the driver. The man in the car that was stuck
got out of his car and started yelling at me. He was about 50 years old. Next thing that I see is a 
young pregnant girl get out of the passenger seat. It was a girl that I went to high school with, named Amanda. She
got out and greeted me, and we spoke for a few minutes. She was newly wed and was having her
first child soon. She was picked on in school due to her height and minor social awkwardness. I was
always very nice to her in school, and defended her. Little did I know, that my choices in the past
would soon benefit me.

Our conversation was ending, and I got back into my car. Behind me there was a green chevy malibu,
that had just pulled up. She got out of the car, and just remembering this time makes me short of breath.
She was absolutely beautiful, with her curly brown hair. I knew who she was. Her name was Karen.
She was Amanda's sister.

Karen approached her sister, and Amanda attempted to introduce me to her. "This is Karen", she said.
I looked Karen in the eyes, and said, "I know who you are." Karen heard this as a sign of arrogance,
and I actually meant it as a compliment. What I was really saying was "I have noticed you before, and 
think that you are simply beautiful." She will still argue and tell you that I meant differently.  Anyway,
Karen hopped back into her car, and drove right around all of the madness. I was a bit frustrated that 
her car handled the situation so easily. Amanda and I exchanged numbers, and I told her that I wanted
to meet her husband, and maybe come over and apologize to her dad.

A week or so had passed by, and honestly not a day went by that I had not thought about Karen, and 
the situation that had happened. I never imagined that I had such a beautiful neighbor, and felt like a 
fool. I called Amanda and she told me to come over. I sat down with her and her husband and we talked
for about an hour, about our past and how things had been going. Karen then got home. It was early in the
day, around 2-3p.m. She got involved in our conversations, and slowly my interests shifted to her. Before 
we knew it, Amanda was ready to head off to work. She got ready to leave, and I kind of just stuck around.
Karen and I continued to converse, and then her father came home.

"What is he doing here," he said. I told him that I wanted to apologize for my actions, and was chatting with
Amanda when Karen came home. Things got awkward, and I decided to leave. I wrote my phone number
down and told them to call if they needed anything. As I drove the 200 yards to my house, I thought to myself, 
"Well, I'm pretty sure I should just avoid contact with that family." I felt like a jerk and knew that Karen's dad 
would more than likely do whatever it took to keep me away from the house. After all, first impressions last
a lifetime.

A few weeks went by, and I slowly stopped thinking about her. I was at my buddy's house and checked my
phone. I had a voicemail, so I checked it. It was Karen. She left me a message saying that her friend cancelled
a lunch date with her and was wondering if I'd fill in her spot. I called her back and told her that I'd love to.
We went out to lunch the following day and had a great time. 

From that point we spent every day together. We drove around, went shopping, went on walks, and did many
other things. Her parents saw how close we were getting and pulled the red flag. They invited me to the house
for a talk, and said that until I go there to speak with them, that I was not allowed at their house. Karen did not
want me to talk to them, so we simply hung out at my parents house, and whereever else we could go. 

Finally, I told her that it was time to have the talk. I was curious to know what they had to say and did not want 
to have to check the driveway everytime I wanted to call the house. So we planned it out. After I arrived, we sat
down on the couch and they let me have it. They told me that they didn't really like where things were going, but
if I could follow some simple ground rules they would allow me to see their daughter. Things like what time I had
to leave the house, what time I had to have her home on weekdays and weekends, and of course they forbade us to 
engage in any form of sexual contact.

Eventually it got to the point where her parents just did not want us to be together. They had plans of giving her the
family car (the one that I spoke of earlier) and paying for her college tuition at the community college nearby. They 
told her that she needed to either move out, or break up with me. She set a date of when she was leaving. I told my
parents what was going on, and that I was going to help Karen pay for an apartment, but continue to live at home.
My parents told me that I could finish the basement, put a kitchen and two, TWO, bedrooms in down there and we
could just live there. A ton of work and $3000 later, there was a comfortable living space down there.

The day came when Karen had to make her final decision. Her parents told her that if she left that she could not have
the car and college will no longer be paid for. She fought with them and said that she deserved the car and that she
had been driving it for over a year, and they reluctantly gave it to her. I helped her move her stuff out, and we unpacked
over at my parents house. Her parents asked her to stay, but she was already done living under their rules, and decided
that it was time to go.

As the first few months passed, things were okay. We saved up some money, and Karen started getting very tired of using
my parents washing machine and other appliances. She told me that either we leave, or she leaves. She started slowly 
reconciling with her parents, and their relationship started getting better. They even gave us some appliances to have. We 
started looking for properties, because I wanted to buy a house rather than live in an apartment. Her parents came to
look at some properties with us, and still tried to convince us that it was a bad idea to buy a house together being unmarried.
I started thinking, if I was going to make a huge financial commitment with this woman, that I should know if I truly wanted
to be with her or not. So. I decided to go ring shopping.

We had a day planned out where her parents and we would go look at a property that we wanted to bid on, then Karen and I
would take a nice hike up to Skyline Drive. I had the ring in my pocket when we left in the morning. We went to look at the land
and on the way home her parents told me that they thought I was a fine young man, and that we should be married if we
were to buy a house/property together. It was like my sign from God. They dropped us off, and went home. I told Karen that I 
had forgotten my cell phone in their car, and had to go and get it. I showed her dad the ring, and he held it up into the light, 
checking it out very carefully. Her mom held it, and started crying, then gave me a huge hug. She said to me, "She is going
to say yes." Then they joked, "Call us after you propose and we will set a date." That gave me the confidence to continue
to move forward.

We went on our hike, and got to the top of the mountain. We sat down and I proposed. She hesitated, shed a tear or two, and
then said "yes." It was clear though at that time, she was a little unsure, but obviously did not want to end our relationship then
and there. We went back to her parents house and set a date. From then on, her parents and she continued to get closer, as
my parents and we drifted further apart. We come from very different families, and it is hard for her to relate to my parents. We soon
got married, moved into an apartment, and started building a home. (My dad was the contractor, and her dad helped every night
after he got off of work.)

The house was being built on a piece of land that my parents had given us for very cheap. It was a little closer to both families than
we wanted to be, and she seemed to not really want to be there at all. I guess I stayed blind to all of that as we continued to move
forward with the process. 

Our first year was tough. We had many discrepancies, on everything from sex, to money. We had never
had the chance to live on our own, so all of these stressors came down on us at once. Things went up and down. Some times we 
were happy, and some times we were not. Looking back on it, it is hard to see how we made it this far. We came from totally different
households. I had to do no chores at all, and she had to do all of her chores at her parents house. This set us up for disaster. It took her
giving me a TON of resistance to get me to do anything around the house. I went to work, and then came home, expecting food on the
table, just like my father. Only difference was that my wife worked a 40 hour work week just like I did. I have finally, after 5 years, truly 
gotten over the hatred of doing simple household chores. Little by little over the past 5 years I have come to do many more household 
chores than ever before. ( I actually had a gluten intolerance that left me with little to no energy by the end of the day, we were married
for 4 years before I discovered it.) So I have that partially to blame it on as well. Now that I feel healthier I am making a much larger effort
to help around the house. Everything from doing the dishes, cutting the grass, oil changes on the cars, paying the bills, and whatever
else needs doing. I just want my wife to feel like I am making an adequate effort to keep things rolling.

I asked my wife one day, "What do I do right? You always tell me what I need to change, but what can stay the same?" She said, "Well,
you go to work everyday." This was about a year ago, and it was a tough statement to swallow. Looking back now, I can see how she 
could say that. "Being happy" in both of our eyes was simply different. I didnt mind much if there was a mess piling up, and it drove her
BATTY! I was just happy to have a house to come home to, she wondered about landscaping. If the grass got tall, I didn't mind waiting
an extra week to cut it, while she fired up the lawn mower. I liked my little sports car, and driving fast, she wanted a 'useful' vehicle. I'd spend
all of my time working on toys, like my boat or guitar amps, and she wondered why the basement stayed a mess. And all this time she
just asked me to do things, and told me that she was unhappy. NO WONDER.

All in all, I thank her for all that she has done for me. For the changes that she has influenced that NOBODY else would have ever stuck
around for. For not just simply accepting my traits that she didn't agree with. I have realized, that in actuality, we do want the same things
to stay happy. I want a tidy house, a nice lawn, shutters on the window, to travel out of the country, to spend time on walks with the dog,
hiking, sunning at the pool, watching episodes of The Big Bang theory, cooking new recipes together and planning vacations. And the biggest
realization that I have discovered is that I love spending time with her. When I tell her that she smiles, looks deeply into my eyes and tells
me that she loves spending time with me too.

For the past few months everything has been going well. She has told me that she is much happier, and she can tell I am making a great effort
towards our relationship which makes her feel loved and appreciated. We spend lots of time together, and have even taken up each others hobbies. 
She picked up a guitar, and I have taken up yoga and horseback riding. We have a lot of fun together, and truly realize that we are each others best
friends. She told me that she thinks I am very sexy and that she has the hottest husband out of all of her friends. 

Here is the issue that we are now facing. Some days (very seldom) she just wants to jump my bones. The first night on vacation last week she whispered
in my ear so that nobody else could hear. "Let's go upstairs and go to bed early." This is a rarity, so of course I chased her up the stairs.
For the week we were on vaca, we engaged three more times, and all three was after she had been drinking a bit, and after I made the effort for sex.

Coming back home we are faced with issues that we have had from the beginning. Her low desire to have sex. Once I get her into it (which can take a ton
of effort for me) she totally loves it. She orgasms every time we have sex, and really enjoys it. She sometimes tells me to take it easy, and will delicately
instruct me on what NOT to do if it is hurting her or bothering her. Very seldom she has told me what TO do. Like more pressure here, yada yada. She has 
always found things to blame her not wanting to have sex on. From me not doing enough around the house, to her not feeling like it. But again, once she
gets into it she really gets into it. Lately she has been very happy with all that I for her and us, so the (bad husband) excuse doesn't pop up anymore.

Here are some reasons why I think she doesn't want to engage.

1. Her parents were VERY sheltering christians, that basically taught her not to engage in sexual contact and were very controlling.

2. She is VERY self-conscious, even though she is so beautiful. When she was younger she had bad skin and was not sexy according to herself (She likes getting compliments from others when she is out, it seems to mean more than when I compliment her.)

3. Touch is her lowest out of 5 in the love languages department and she has very sensitive skin

4. I am her first and only lover, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

5. She hates her job

6. She is high strung and nervous a lot of the time.(notice how first night on vaca she was ready to go!!)

Basically I am tired of hearing excuses. She admits that there is a mental block that she has, preventing her from initiating sex.I don't try to have sex as often as I used to. I'd say that we have sex 1-4 times a month and when we do it is typically 
on Saturday mornings when the stress is the least.(4 being a good month) Should I be concerned
with this or is this normal? Do you ladies/therapists see anything here that draws a red flag?


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

It is not at all uncommon for women to have no urge for sex, but rather a response to sexual stimuli. I recommend non-sexual foreplay, such as rubbing her feet or back. Also, do not be a pushover and lose your sense of self, do what you want not just what she wants (not talking about sex here).


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## Shake-N-Bake (Jul 10, 2012)

SprucHub said:


> It is not at all uncommon for women to have no urge for sex, but rather a response to sexual stimuli. I recommend non-sexual foreplay, such as rubbing her feet or back. Also, do not be a pushover and lose your sense of self, do what you want not just what she wants (not talking about sex here).


Thanks for the feedback Spruce. Actually I am a massage therapist by trade. She gets feet/calf, back, neck-shoulder, and head massages quite a bit. I bring the massage table home for special occasions. I am not a push-over, just wish my wife would initiate more often. Her friends will bring up new vibrators or toys that they have and love, and she just turns red as a beet. We talked about it first, so I bought her some stuff that she could experiment with. I don't think that they have moved. I opened all of the packaging and put them in her drawer so that she didn't have to do the initials, and have tried to get her to let me try them with her, and she doesn't seem interested. I am 28 and she is 27. She seems totally content with life having a hard-working even-tempered husband. She has been LD since we have started dating. There really is a mental block though. If she drinks enough she will let me go down on her and thoroughly enjoy it, but any other time she will say "Stop, you know I don't like that!" I have started to see that no matter what I do, this isn't going to change. I thought that it was my fault for the 5 years we have been married, but now that I have made and maintained all of the changes, she just finds something else to blame it on.....


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