# Teenagers and sex?



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I realize EVERY kid is different and there is no right answer here. But, for the parents here, at what age do you anticipate teens start having sex these days? What is considered normal? If your son or daughter told you, or you found out, your teen was sexually active, at what age would you think "She's too young!" or "Okay, she's old enough." Yes, I do realize maturity level plays a big part here. I'm talking in generalities mostly. 

I think I'm being an overlly protective dad!  



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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I was about 11 when I had my first real kiss, 12 when I started "making out", and 15 when I became sexually active. I was about average for my peers. I knew some who were having sex by 13 and a few who didn't until they were around 17. I fully expected my kids would become sexually active around 15 or so and wasn't shocked when my daughters were around that age and asked me to take them in to the Dr. for birth control. Standard safe sex lectures covering both STI's and pregnancy prevention as well as a talk about not allowing pictures or video because it's far too easy for such to be shared with all and sundry were given.

At least you're saney seeking others opinions. On the day I was scheduled to see the doctor for my birth control prescription, my dad decided to take to his bed, refusing to drive or speak to anyone. My mom couldn't drive due to her disability, so she had to have a friend drive us.

By the time my younger sister and brother were teens, dad had a large glass bowl of condoms on the counter near the door. *sniff* Parents grow up so fast!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

More than 40 percent of unmarried U.S. teenagers -- or 4.3 million teen males and females -- have had sex at least once, a new U.S. government report shows.

More Than 40% of U.S. Teens Have Had Sex | Family Health | US News


• On average, teens have sex for the first time at age 18 (Finer & Philbin, 2014). 

• By age 15, only 16 percent of teens have had vaginal intercourse. By age 19, seven in 10 have had intercourse (Guttmacher Institute, 2014). 

• Only 38 percent of 15- to 17-year-old males have engaged in oral sex, and only 33 percent of 15- to 17-year-old females have engaged in oral sex (Copen et al., 2012). 

• Teens are as likely to engage in first oral sex before intercourse as they are to engage in first intercourse before oral sex (Copen et al., 2012).


https://www.plannedparenthood.org/files/1414/1322/5795/JustTheFacts_English_1.pdf


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## podiumboy (Apr 2, 2017)

When I first became sexually active I was 17, my girlfriend was 16. It still took a couple months to round all the bases (Handjobs, oral, etc). Her parents were very religious, and it had to be a huge secret. She was not allowed to even ask about birth control, because it was a sin (not catholic). My parents weren't religious, but just never really talked to me about sex at all. Everything I knew, I learned from friends and porn. 

When I look back, I realize how stupid we were. No protection at all, I just pulled out every time. I remember thinking that you had to be 18 to buy condoms, and she thought a parent had to go with her to get her on birth control. We didn't really do much research. Every month I would pray that she would get her period, and whenever she did I was always so damned happy, and would convince myself that the unprotected sex needed to stop. That went on for about 14 months or so. 

She was my first everything, sexually. I was definitely not her first anything. After a year of dating her, I found out that she had hooked up with a guy that I absolutely hated. This all happened before she and I even met, so it's not like she cheated on me. But just knowing that she had sex with that guy, that he was walking around everyday thinking about having sex with her, it just was too much for me. I ended up breaking up with her for that very reason. I gave her some other song and dance about how I was about to graduate, and it was pointless to keep dating, but really it's because I was so jealous of her sexual past. I really wish I'd not broken up with her over something so stupid. What did I care? While she obviously wasn't who I was supposed to end up with, we had a good thing going. I hope to teach these lessons to my son, and hope that he does the opposite of pretty much everything I did in that relationship.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

When my kids turned 16 I let them know that I had condoms available for them to use if they wanted. They didn't have to ask. We'd had the 'birds and the bees' talk years before so it was more of an 'oh by the way' conversation. I was just under 16 when I started having sex, so that was why I chose that age.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

We have had numerous talks with our son and daughter about this. DD is going to be 20 and has not done it yet. Yes, she would tell me. She thinks she is going to end up being the virgin cat women. But she goes to an all girl school so the male population is very tiny and she is not into them. I think I filled her head with too much love nonsense, so she is awaiting that perfect love.

WE think our son recently had sex. Because he took his girl with him to the room and lock the door. He told me what goes on behind his locked door is his personal business. Just like what goes on behind my lock door. I totally agree with him. He is a bit over 18. I just reminded him to use protection for his safety and her's. I am thinking of buying him the book, she comes first. My H had a little private talk with him. I did not question him about it. It was between father and son. 

I have no problem talking about sex with the kids. I tell them the truth and tell tall tales about STDs. I H still gets that look on his face when our DD complains about always being a virgin. He just tells her not to rush things. There is lots of time for that yet and then leaves the room. Fun times.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> More than 40 percent of unmarried U.S. teenagers -- or 4.3 million teen males and females -- have had sex at least once, a new U.S. government report shows.
> 
> More Than 40% of U.S. Teens Have Had Sex | Family Health | US News
> 
> ...



I find this fascinating, that kids are having oral sex first. Because when my kids were in middle school and attending a sex ed class, they came home asking if oral sex was sex. And does having butt sex means you are still a virgin. Lord those were some fun convos. 

You keep hearing that kids are having sex younger in early teens. I guess it's not really so.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Ugh I just found out today that my 15 year old niece is not only pregnant, but having twins.

Her mom just thinks it is awesome,my brother who needs and liver and kidney transplant is beside himself he is unhappy but loves his daughter so will stand by her. I worry about her not being fully developed as a woman and have some problems while pregnant or in labor.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Well, I was 14 and I was not unusual among my peers. So I will assume the same for my kids and begin talking to them about it sooner than that. I've already started talking to my daughter about menstrual cycles and the like and she's 7. I was 10 when I got mine. I just want her to have the information and not be surprised!

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## arsukherajee (Apr 9, 2017)

Woman which age start sex normally?


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## arsukherajee (Apr 9, 2017)

arsukherajee said:


> Woman which age start sex normally?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk








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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Relevant:

https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/64dnmk/i_have_twin_15_year_old_daughters_who_are_both/


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I was sexually active at age 16. The sex talk as one simple question from my parents. "Are you using condoms?" Sex talk concluded. My W handled the sex talk with both our daughters. Shoooo...I as off the hook on that one. I suspect our eldest(now 31) has been sexually active to a degree in her late teens. Our youngest at 19 I'd bet my next years paychecks she has not been sexually active beyond kissing.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I think parents (at least American parents) have made great strides toward educating their kids about sex in a positive way. I do think we tend to fall short in the area still though because we tend to focus too much on the mechanics of it--condoms, std's, babies, etc. That part is important but I think equally important would be teaching our kids about healthy relationships, boundaries and the like.

Maybe when we get our own stuff sorted out we'll be able to pass it on


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

W and I were 19

DS 18 has not; other DS 18 probably has had some degree.

Daughters 15 and below - no

Took boys to make them but condoms at age 16 and will do the same with the girls.

Recently heard that those girls who have a good relationship with their mothers start much later.

In my area 18-20 is probably average


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

brooklynAnn said:


> We have had numerous talks with our son and daughter about this. DD is going to be 20 and has not done it yet. Yes, she would tell me.


I'm glad you mentioned this because a lot of people think if a parent says their kid isn't having sex at 16 then parents have their head in the sand, but I think it depends on the kid and environment. 

My kids are 16 and 18, and I would bet every cent I have that neither has had sex. I just don't think their hormones are raging like some people. I can't even imagine at age 14 like some mentioned. 

My son is more into computers and Spider Man than girls at this point, and my daughter is into other things as well. 

My son goes to school and comes home. He isn't hanging out yet, so I'm certain he isn't having sex.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ey? Argh... quite frankly I try not to think about it...

Because when I do, only murderous thoughts seem to come to mind, involving lots of strangulation and hammering... How the hell is a dad even supposed to talk about this **** to his kid? I'll leave this to ex-wife I think, and just stick to strangling whoever thinks he's getting into her pants during teens. BAH!

Sometimes I wish she would just stop growing so fast


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You can't go by age and intercourse, those are meaningless arbitrary numbers.

At what age can your child have an opposite sex friend as a romantic interest?
"......" spend time outside of school with romantic interest?
"....." bring romantic interest to your home, or go to their home, or go out together?

How old for making out?
How old for light petting above the clothing?
How old for heavy petting below the clothing?
How old for genital touching below the clothing?

Have you answered these questions for yourself and communicated them to your child? If not, how then can you expect your child to draw the line if you haven't first identified where you believe the line should be?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> You can't go by age and intercourse, those are meaningless arbitrary numbers.
> 
> At what age can your child have an opposite sex friend as a romantic interest?
> "......" spend time outside of school with romantic interest?
> ...


I'm not sure there is such a line? I was celebrating my 17th birthday when I had sex the first time, but I had done other things that excluded actual PIV intercourse from 15 on. My wife says she was "probably 15 or 16" but does not elaborate.

I am just trying to gauge if there is an age by which most people would just say, "Well, of course he/she is likely having sex, she/he is____ years old now!" 

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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

TX-SC said:


> I'm not sure there is such a line? I was celebrating my 17th birthday when I had sex the first time, but I had done other things that excluded actual PIV intercourse from 15 on. My wife says she was "probably 15 or 16" but does not elaborate.
> 
> I am just trying to gauge if there is an age by which most people would just say, "Well, of course he/she is likely having sex, she/he is____ years old now!"
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk




Yeah 29. If not by then time to join the clergy


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I think kids are immature much longer these days. Their lives are so much busier than in my day and there is so much more visibility. I'm talking about kids involved in sports, music, arts, whatever... these endeavors seem to take more than full time.

In my day, though we played sports and I was involved in some music, I definitely kicked around much more and was far more independent.

Other kids who don't have those activities probably have time on their hands and are more inclined to drink, smoke and ****


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> I'm not sure there is such a line? I was celebrating my 17th birthday when I had sex the first time, but I had done other things that excluded actual PIV intercourse from 15 on. My wife says she was "probably 15 or 16" but does not elaborate.
> 
> I am just trying to gauge if there is an age by which most people would just say, "Well, of course he/she is likely having sex, she/he is____ years old now!"
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


"Of course he/she is having sex with the BF/GF! They've been dating for two months!" (Or insert some other length of time.

It's not the age. Age has nothing to do with it. Could be 13, 16, 18, or 25! It's the length of time the relationship has been occurring combined with the number of opportunities for alone time...and trust me they are getting twice the alone time than the parent knows about. I have kicked boys out of my house who have come over to innocently hang out, once I discovered they came to hang with one of my daughter's friends who isn't allowed to see the boy more than once every other week. Took me a few times of this happening before I caught on. I told the kids I wasn't running a no tell motel and if they wanted time with their BF that needed to happen under their own roof.

Parents have to provide solid, current, sex education to their kids because porn is so widely and easily available our kids ARE exposed on a regular basis. Do we want our kids to be educated by PornHub or by the people who are supposed to be their teachers in all things? Kids want to know. They will find out. By us or by porn. When we fail, porn is there to show the way.








TheTruthHurts said:


> I think kids are immature much longer these days. Their lives are so much busier than in my day and there is so much more visibility. I'm talking about kids involved in sports, music, arts, whatever... these endeavors seem to take more than full time.
> 
> In my day, though we played sports and I was involved in some music, I definitely kicked around much more and was far more independent.
> 
> ...



Kids are more exposed to drugs and sex and rock and roll today, and at earlier ages than us, than they have ever been. Keeping them busy is great, but more importantly is keeping them closely connected to their family. Because once they walk out that door to ga hang with friends, they are on their own and only the connection with the family will influence their decision making. Once they learn to drive, they are making more independent decisions than ever with more opportunities than ever. 

If we don't send them out armed with our love and familial connection and education, we are failing them.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

southbound said:


> I'm glad you mentioned this because a lot of people think if a parent says their kid isn't having sex at 16 then parents have their head in the sand, but I think it depends on the kid and environment.
> 
> My kids are 16 and 18, and I would bet every cent I have that neither has had sex. I just don't think their hormones are raging like some people. I can't even imagine at age 14 like some mentioned.
> 
> ...


My daughter shares a little too much with me. sometimes, I don't want to know. But in order to keep the door open, I have to listen to everything. My H will just pick up and leave because dad does not need to hear certain things.

The boy does not say anything at all. You take what is given and be thankful.


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

TheTruthHurts said:


> I think kids are immature much longer these days. Their lives are so much busier than in my day and there is so much more visibility. I'm talking about kids involved in sports, music, arts, whatever... these endeavors seem to take more than full time.
> 
> In my day, though we played sports and I was involved in some music, I definitely kicked around much more and was far more independent.
> 
> ...


I've seen this too among my teen and friends who are even a few years older. Most of these boys are so busy with sports that there isn't much time to hang out in-between practices, games, and tournaments. They don't even have much time for sleepovers.


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