# What to do?



## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

Well my ex mother in law and I never really got along and now my ex calls because she was just diagnosed with cancer and is not expected to live much longer. I told him if he needed me or needed anything to call and let me know. I just don't know how to take this....He still technically lives at the house and was supposed to be moving at any time. The separation was his choice and I haven't been talking to him at all really except for my birthday when he shows up with a ring(daughters birthstone) and took me out to dinner. 

Just kinda at a loss.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I think death trumps divorce. Unless these people are somehow dangerous, my plain advice would be for you to act as graciously as possible. It costs you nothing, and it's the right thing to do.

Furthermore, if she is contacting you, it may be becasue she too realizes she didn't treat you well during your marriage to her son. Regret is a difficult thing to live or die with. I wish you the best, but I think you already know what to do.

LIL


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

I agree with LIL, could be your ex MIL only wants to patch things up between the two of you before her time comes.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think what whattodo17 is saying is that her hubby is the one who won't work on the marriage, he was supposed to move out soon, and now he tells her that his mom has cancer and won't live long. So chances are good he'll use this as a "reason" to not move out right now. 

I don't mean to be insensitive, whattodo--but is that what you meant? Or did you mean "How do I behave toward a man who's losing his mother but has decided he doesn't need me and would rather move out?" 

I agree that being as kind as possible is the high road and definitely the way to go, but it's also entirely reasonable for your STBXH to realize that the cost of choosing to leave you and do nothing in the marriage is that you are not available to comfort him. If he were to stay in the marriage and do the work, then he also gets the benefits such as the loving support of a caring spouse. If he chooses to leave the marriage and refuses to do the work, then he loses the benefits such as having no one there to help him get through this. If you were to treat him like someone at work who is losing their parent, that would be entirely appropriate.


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

I think it's more the latter. I just didn't know how or what to do since he doesn't want me anymore. Yesterday when he called and told me he was crying. Then later that day he went to his friends house and had our daughter. When I asked who was there he got very angry. I just told him then, that to not talk then about anything other than our daughter and I would just talk to his mom if I wanted to check in. 
Then today he sends me an IM while I'm at work talking about his mom. After I got off work he wanted to know if I was coming straight home. Thought it was strange, but when I got home it was just because he had things to do and needed me to watch our daughter even though today was his day with her. Just don't get him. Not sure if there is someone else or not. He says no, but getting kinda suspicious. Ive checked phone records and not found any strange #s although he has been texting someone quite a bit. 
Deep down I am done. When he is around though and I see him acting like he doesn't care it truly bothers me. For some reason I find myself analyzing things and thinking oh hes doing this or that because he wants me. In reality, I don't think he does. If that makes sense?


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

In reality I don't think he knows anything on what he wants. Kinda like a kid at toys'R'us and he can pick one thing out and there is so much he wants. I thought this way years ago but I was a totally different person then. 

I don't think this is fair to you. One minute your nothing and the next he needs you. I am not so sure about the MIL situation because me and my MIL still have a great relationship. Neither of us can comprehend why things have turned out like they have. But we still talk and care for the other. 

I'm sorry it sounds like he is pulling on your heartstrings.


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