# Internal Turmoil



## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

So here is my story I've been a lurker but not posted:

In June of 2010 my wife of 19 years said she no longer happy and if nothing changed she wanted a divorce. This was the first thing said but really long before that we had shut down communication between us. She dove into excercising and I dove into an on-line game.

After counciling with no progress she asked me to leave and I did so. I actually bought the house that we had our two kids in before moving to a much larger house. I basically took a few heirloom items and left her everything else.

With the help of my family and friends I moved in the new house in Feb and we were divorced in April. I tried to stop the divorce but she was not interested in doing so and I let it happen. It took me until two weeks ago for me to start healing myself for six months my house was a cluster. I did laundry and dishes and such but I had pictures that needed to be hung on the dining room table for everyday of those six months along with other clutter.

After I decided to try and open up the lines of communication I found out she had a mutual friend of ours spend the night and she had been dating him for a month or so already. I was extremely hurt by the whole situation and it was stated that it was none of my business what she was doing in her personal life. Since there are kids involved I can't say I totally agree but to a certain extent I agree. So I'm trying to leave it alone.

I told her a few days after that I'm still interested in a slow reconciliation which to me is talking and perhaps spending some time together. That was seven days ago and we have bascially talk to some degree each day. I'm hoping it is a start but I don't know and I'm constantly thinking about her and us.

I do not want to pressure her and let her have her space but it is absolutly killing me. I'm trying to keep myself busy and out of the house becasue it is so lonely there when I do not have the kids. I'm also trying to pull myself away from the on line game which has been my safe haven/time passer solution but I realize it is a waste of my life and now want to share my life with my ex-wife again.

Shoeguy


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You're divorced. It's time to move on with your life. If you're lonely, find some new activities that don't involve your ex. Volunteer, pick up some sports, take some classes... If your wife wants to share her life with you, I'm sure she knows how to get in touch.

No offense intended. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

No offense taken. You are probably right.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

FWIW, when I reached the point of your wife in my marriage (of a similar duration), the marriage was already over in my mind. I had checked out and gone through the grieving process for my marriage, according to my counselor. So I was obviously in a much different place than she was when the separation actually occurred.

Not meaning to condone her behavior or anything, but everyone goes through the process at a different pace, and has a different starting point. 

Good luck in getting through this. And BTW, your best hope of reconciliation is to show her a "new you". A strong independent man who can take or leave her. In my opinion, anyway.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

PBear said:


> You're divorced. It's time to move on with your life. If you're lonely, find some new activities that don't involve your ex. Volunteer, pick up some sports, take some classes... If your wife wants to share her life with you, I'm sure she knows how to get in touch.
> 
> No offense intended.
> 
> ...


I agree with everything here. Time to move on, keep yourself as busy as possible.

I played World of Warcraft (and so did my wife) for years so I understand the lure of online gaming, but I have taken a break from it so I can focus on other things. Once you step away you may find you enjoy dedicating the time to other pursuits even more. 

Good luck!


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Thank you. I'm really glad I found this website.

I agree about a whole new me. I have been working out and have lost 27 pounds in just over 5 weeks. That is a 10% drop. I getting more active outdoors and yes it was WOW that I played. I have been cutting my game play way back. When my fog lifted I realized I was wasting away my life sitting in front of a computer screen.

Thanks for the help.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You are divorced. She is dating someone else. 

Accept that and move on.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> You are divorced. She is dating someone else.
> 
> Accept that and move on.


oh those three little sentences are hard to hear jelly. While the divorce is still in process I know it is over, but to see my "wife" dating and pursuing all kinds of new things just feels hard to take (sorry for hijacking this but I hit a real bad low yesterday and haven't really sorted it out yet).


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The truth hurts so badly sometimes, doesn't it?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

yup.


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