# Uncomfortable Sex



## JacobW (Oct 26, 2020)

My wife and I have been married for several years and throughout this time the first 5-10 minutes of sex is quite uncomfortable for her. We have talked about it several times and she has said it us due to me being well endowed. We have tried lube but it still takes her some time to relax and adjust to my size. Any advice from others who may have experienced this? We are in our early 30's didn't know if possibly some older couples with more years experience could offer some insight. Thank you!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You don’t mention foreplay at all. Foreplay isn’t always what you think it is and a woman’s arousal in preparation for PIV isn’t always what you think it is either. 

It’s not just about wetness and lubrication. 

Vaginal tissue is the same as penile tissue, it is just shaped different. We all start out the same and It all comes from the same embryonic tissue but at a certain point in fetal development the Y chromosome will turn on various hormones and such that will turn it into an external penis. 

In other words, the vagina has the same erectile tissues and will experience the same engorgment and changes that a penis will in going from completely flaccid to fully erect. 

Similarly if someone started grabbing onto and manipulating your completely flaccid penis, it would not be pleasurable. It would be annoying at best and downright uncomfortable and potentially painful depending on what they were doing. 

Same with a vagina. If those tissues are not engorged and swollen and ready, any penetration by even a small or average penis will be uncomfortable. 

The difference between the girls and the boys is not the arousal process per se but the time required for full arousal.

A man can become aroused and his penis fully erect in a minute or so. 

Women/vaginas typically take longer to become fully ready for penetration. 

A fully aroused vagina actually looks different than a “flaccid” vaginal (I’m kind of using improper terminology. Technically the vagina is the vault or canal. The vulva aka labia minora and majora and clitoris are the actual physical structures.

Anyway, I suggest you do a photo search of aroused vs unaroused female genitalia. They do appear different with the aroused labia and clitoris being swollen and and showing more color (reddish to purpleish) with arousal. 

Learn those difference as you may be jumping the gun a little too soon without proper arousal and warmup even though she may be getting wet.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I would also advise to never keep pumping if someone is experiencing discomfort.

This is how women develop actual sexual aversions to where they begin to dread and even resent sexual activity.

And once an aversion is present, it can become very hard to fix.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Then if she is visibly fully aroused and engorged and fully wet and you are using high quality lube and she is still experiencing pain, then it is time for a trip to a gynecologist as it may be one of several different conditions and maladies that can cause painful intercourse.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

What he said ^

Great posts.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

While it may be a nice ego boost for her to say it’s because you’re so hung, unless you are John Holmes’ big brother, it’s likely not that. Even a small penis will cause discomfort if not properly aroused before penetration. 

Vaginas are remarkable adaptive and accommodating when fully prepared. 

If everything is good to go on her end and it is a matter of size, you may want to look into employment in the porn industry because the majority of vaginas are well constructed to accept the vast majority of penises.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

The vagina also lengthens as she becomes properly aroused. Key word being “properly“ 


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Elizabeth001 said:


> The vagina also lengthens as she becomes properly aroused. Key word being “properly“
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Yeah, properly is key and what many men (and perhaps even some women) think is ‘properly’ aroused, really isn’t. 

A woman can be horny but her jay-jay not ready just as a man can be horny but not achieve or maintain an erection. 

Even vaginal wetness may not necessarily mean that all systems are go yet. 

Since much of a woman’s structures are internal, it is not as easy to tell a vagina’s readiness visually as one can an external penis. 

I’m 56 years old and Mrs Old is post menopausal so I have basically had to go back to Sex Camp and back to Vagina Camp and learn all over how jay-jays and clitorises etc do work. 

I’m not sure how graphic photos on this site can be, but there are some good before and after pictures out there clinically detailing the differences between vulva and clitoris in an unaroused state vs a fully aroused and stimulated state. They do look different.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> If everything is good to go on her end and it is a matter of size, you may want to look into employment in the porn industry because the majority of vaginas are well constructed to accept the vast majority of penises.


ROFL hahahahahahahahahhaha 

Why must you pop his ego like that? Hahahahahahhaa


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

At the risk of getting a little graphic here, a fully aroused vagina not only looks different but it will feel different. 

Again moisture/wetness is only part of the puzzle and is not an indicator of full readiness. 

An aroused and engorged vagina (again I’m using the term generically but not technically accurately) should feel swollen, engorged and soft and spongy as well as wet.

Also Despite locker room talk and porn movie scripts, an aroused vagina should not feel “tight”.

It should actually feel somewhat loose and shall we say - “inviting” to the touch. 

As the penis will increase in length and girth as it becomes erect, so too does the vagina in it’s own way. 


If a vagina feels “tight”, it’s not ready.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> ROFL hahahahahahahahahhaha
> 
> Why must you pop his ego like that? Hahahahahahhaa


I’ve been on forums like this for several years. Every dude that says his partner has discomfort with penetration tries to claim it’s his “endowment”. 

But no one has ever backed it up with objective dimensions or comparisons. 

If he sends a pic of it up against two beer cans stacked on end, then I will say it may be size related, but I have known men that big and the women who love them and when done right, it is not painful even then. 

this is a horse vs zebra situation. Pain is usually caused by inadequate foreplay or some kind of medical or gynecological issue.

If those things are ruled out and the dude is 10+ inches and thicker than a beer can, then maybe it is size. 

But there are dudes out there (lucky bastards!) and their women do fine with the proper precautions and preparations.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@oldshirt 

Lol haahaha could have spared him the bubble pop and still helped!   Just saying lol, but hey, always good to be throughout with the information I guess


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## JacobW (Oct 26, 2020)

Thank you for most everyone's responses, not sure who invited the skippy poofter, but I guess that comes with shackle dragging territory haha


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Wtf is a skippy poofer?

N/m...I’m going to bed 


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## JacobW (Oct 26, 2020)

Haha, goodnight


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

JacobW said:


> My wife and I have been married for several years and throughout this time the first 5-10 minutes of sex is quite uncomfortable for her. We have talked about it several times and she has said it us due to me being well endowed. We have tried lube but it still takes her some time to relax and adjust to my size. Any advice from others who may have experienced this? We are in our early 30's didn't know if possibly some older couples with more years experience could offer some insight. Thank you!


Forgetting about the usual stuff, the size jokes, whether foreplay is taking place (we'll just assume it is)-

"Using lube" isn't enough. There are many different types of lube with different preferences for different people. Some lubes can actually aggravate some women's vaginas. Try different versions. Stay away from anything flavored or scented. The best we've found, and why it took so many decades to figure this out is beyond me, is coconut oil. The stuff you buy for $5/jar, is a solid below about 84 degrees I think? So as it warms up it does its job. It is amazingly more comfy than other lubes we've tried. For me it's just a tad bit more slippery than I'd like, but if it makes sex easier for her, I'm all-in. So to speak.

If she really did make a remark about size, and it was a comparison based on her past experiences, don't overlook the possibility of some trauma, some unfortunate sexual experiences that may have tarnished sexuality for her. Perhaps early experiences sans lube that REALLY hurt and were more coerced than consensual. In general the vagina is amazingly accommodating. Kids pop out the same place, y'know? So there could be vaginismis.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

For a lube, what are you using? Try coconut oil -- magic stuff!!!!


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

jlg07 said:


> For a lube, what are you using? Try coconut oil -- magic stuff!!!!


Yes, I’d mentioned that in my post too. Fewer UTIs as well. What’s not to like?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Casual Observer said:


> Yes, I’d mentioned that in my post too. Fewer UTIs as well. What’s not to like?


Sorry yeah I missed it. You can get fractionated coconut oil at health food/vitamin stores and that is liquid at room temp. Yes, it is pretty slippery stuff!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Skippy poofter, really? I won't report you this time. 

Look, your wife isn't adequately turned on before intercourse commences. Her mind may not be engaged before your session begins. Slapping some grease on won't prepare her body for intercourse.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Whao wat da, that's even more random than me!!


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## JacobW (Oct 26, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Skippy poofter, really? I won't report you this time.
> 
> Look, your wife isn't adequately turned on before intercourse commences. Her mind may not be engaged before your session begins. Slapping some grease on won't prepare her body for intercourse.


Oh no, don't report me Karen, this site means so much to my life.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

JacobW said:


> Oh no, don't report me Karen, this site means so much to my life.


Ha-ha. Now, you've gone and done it.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)




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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

At least now we can sleep at night knowing it’s not his endowment that makes her uncomfortable with sex.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> At least now we can sleep at night knowing it’s not his endowment that makes her uncomfortable with sex.


LOL!

Think you've roasted him as much as you've helped him at his point


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Skippy poofter, really? I won't report you this time.
> 
> Look, your wife isn't adequately turned on before intercourse commences. Her mind may not be engaged before your session begins. Slapping some grease on won't prepare her body for intercourse.


Slapping, no. But applying coconut oil on the threads of the bolt (the female part) instead of the screw, in an appropriate manner, may enhance foreplay. Lubricated surfaces are far less likely to be damaged than dry. Of course, a guy might think damaged surfaces can repaired using a tap.

On the other hand, I've seen "ribbed for her pleasure" but never "threaded."


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> LOL!
> 
> Think you've roasted him as much as you've helped him at his point


Cosmic balance 😉


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Slapping some grease on won't prepare her body for intercourse.

Greased monkey right there. BAHAHA! 

Liberal amounts of coconut oil applied during a full body rub down before hand goes along way to relak and prepare. Get that oil in all those nooks and cranies.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I have noticed, (so many) online male posters are large, in charge, and the ladies man.

This type never do Zoom, no Jeffy Toobin, impersonations.

Then again, 'Zooming in' could magnify a man's stature.

Online admissions of size can draw attention to these males, and maybe a few wanton PM's.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Are y


SunCMars said:


> I have noticed, (so many) online male posters are large, in charge, and the ladies man.
> 
> This type never do Zoom, no Jeffy Toobin, impersonations.
> 
> ...


Are you covertly asking for dik pics ?? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> . Of course, a guy might think damaged surfaces can repaired using a tap.
> 
> On the other hand, I've seen "ribbed for her pleasure" but never "threaded."


OMG I just figured it out !!!!!
He is right hand thread.
She is left hand thread !


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Is OP still here?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> Learn those difference as you may be jumping the gun a little too soon without proper arousal and warmup even though she may be getting wet.


But if he does _*that*_, she won't tell him how well endowed he is anymore! 🤣 🤣


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

JacobW said:


> My wife and I have been married for several years and throughout this time the first 5-10 minutes of sex is quite uncomfortable for her. We have talked about it several times and she has said it us due to me being well endowed.


One issue that could be happening is that women learn that all too often that men's egos are oversensitive. So they err on the side of giving compliments as opposed to just being honest about problems.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> But if he does _*that*_, she won't tell him how well endowed he is anymore! 🤣 🤣


He may hafta go back to give’n it to her dry if that happens.


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## memyself&I (Oct 29, 2020)

JacobW said:


> My wife and I have been married for several years and throughout this time the first 5-10 minutes of sex is quite uncomfortable for her. We have talked about it several times and she has said it us due to me being well endowed. We have tried lube but it still takes her some time to relax and adjust to my size. Any advice from others who may have experienced this? We are in our early 30's didn't know if possibly some older couples with more years experience could offer some insight. Thank you!


Do you know what she likes? You need to open her up not just physically but mentally. Arouse her thoughts. I think sex sometimes is mental. When you see someone cute you Think to yourself "Oh he/she is handsome or good looking. Mental. Maybe try looking into this Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life: Nagoski Ph.D., Emily: 0884815838962: Amazon.com: Books. I don't want to get into explicit details on the forum, but its good reading or audio whichever floats your boat.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

memyself&I said:


> Do you know what she likes? You need to open her up not just physically but mentally. Arouse her thoughts. I think sex sometimes is mental. When you see someone cute you Think to yourself "Oh he/she is handsome or good looking. Mental. Maybe try looking into this Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life: Nagoski Ph.D., Emily: 0884815838962: Amazon.com: Books. I don't want to get into explicit details on the forum, but its good reading or audio whichever floats your boat.


Sell much?


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## hairyhead (Oct 30, 2015)

Sounds like a "brace yerself Effie, I'm coming in..." situation.

As the man sings, Try a little tenderness! 

Sent from my CPH1979 using Tapatalk


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## JacobW (Oct 26, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Skippy poofter, really? I won't report you this time.
> 
> Look, your wife isn't adequately turned on before intercourse commences. Her mind may not be engaged before your session begins. Slapping some grease on won't prepare her body for intercourse.



I do appreciate this advice, probably do need to get her more aroused, sometimes you both just get in the heat of the moment and want to go at it. We do both think size contributes to the problem, despite what other men on this site think lol


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

JacobW said:


> I do appreciate this advice, probably do need to get her more aroused, sometimes you both just get in the heat of the moment and want to go at it. We do both think size contributes to the problem, despite what other men on this site think lol


You have heard advice on having your wife medically checked out, on foreplay, on different types of lube, etc. I am going to believe what you said that it is a size issue.

There are these penis shaped medical devices called vaginal dilators. Have her talk to her doctor about getting a prescription for a set. The are used to gradually stretch the vagina. They usually come in say 4 to 6 of different diameters and lengths to a set. 

Again, I am going to assume that you and your wife know what the problem is. Have her talk to her doctor about her problem and discuss the possible use and purchase of a set of dilators. You can also purchase them on Amazon and there are YouTube videos on their cleaning and use.

Good luck.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

JacobW said:


> My wife and I have been married for several years and throughout this time the first 5-10 minutes of sex is quite uncomfortable for her. We have talked about it several times and she has said it us due to me being well endowed. We have tried lube but it still takes her some time to relax and adjust to my size. Any advice from others who may have experienced this? We are in our early 30's didn't know if possibly some older couples with more years experience could offer some insight. Thank you!


Revisiting this because I ran into something researching something else.

There are various intersex conditions, such as AIS, that can result in a small short vagina. I don't recall if you said you had children or not. But that might be something to have looked at medically, i.e. a smaller than standard vagina. While most will stretch to accommodate, if an unusual condition is the cause, it might not. When I ran across this, I was reminded of this thread. Figured that it couldn't hurt to mention it as a possibility.


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