# Dont know what to do



## ericalynn122 (May 6, 2009)

Hi, I am new to this site and just looking for advise. I have been married for 3 years and we have a 10 month old boy. I feel like we hav grown apart. We dont have anything to really talk about besides the baby, and other than that conversation seem forced. I really want our marriage to work but he isnt sure if he wants to try or not. So if he isnt sure if he wants to try, should I still put effort into trying to make it work???


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

yes, put in the effort. try going away for the weekend, just you 2. have someone watch your son. you haven't been married that long, so there are still things you 2 are able to talk about. you'er probably in a rut, get out of it


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## ericalynn122 (May 6, 2009)

I was thinking the same thing but then I start to think how can you make it work if you are going to be the only one trying?


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Why is there no communication? That is the first place to start...if you can find a babysitter, go out to dinner and have a conversation, find out what he wants and let him know what you want and how you are feeling.

This will give you some idea of what you are actually facing and what you are up against instead of just guessing...there may be something else going on with him and he doesn't know how to approach you...

Talking is a big step to understanding...

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## ericalynn122 (May 6, 2009)

It is just like we have run out of things to talk about besides the typical small talk like how was your day... We went to lunch by ourselves yesterday and it was just so awkard. It was like there was nothing to say and he wasnt really making an effort either. 

We did talk last night about everything but he just isnt sure he wants to try to make it work but he doesnt just want to be a weekend dad. I think that is mainly why he wants it to work so he can be with Dwayne all the time.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

this may sound sill, but have you guys thought of getting a hobby together? that way there's something new for you to talk about, and maybe that may stir up some stuff to make you 2 want to stay together


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## ericalynn122 (May 6, 2009)

I will have to try and think of one for us. That is a good idea. Everything we do we do apart (hobby wise). I workout with a group of girls, he works out by himself. I play softball and he plays flag football.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Um the obvious one would be, go work out together...if they offer classes where you work out, sign up for one together.

Communication is key and everyone feels lost without it...if he enjoys football, educate yourself on the game and the teams, especially the one he likes...take an interest in what interests him even if you couldn't care less about it...take the time...

It's possible once he sees that you are "committed" to him...he will open up to what's important to you...

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## ericalynn122 (May 6, 2009)

We have a small gym at home so maybe when he is lifting i can do the treadmill. I will starting trying to watch basketball and football with him. I use to do that when we were dating and then I slowly stopped watching. I will have to start doing that again.

I appreciate all your advice.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

When you have kids, it's very easy to lose sight of your relationship with your spouse. Kids take up so much time, on top of everything else. 

And from a man's point of view, you can feel like you have gone from the most important thing in your wife's life to the least important. That's a big hit to swallow.

If you really want it to work, try to show him that he's needed, appreciated, and loved. Make his time with you feel like it's important, and not something that happens after everything else is done. Show interest in what interests him (yeah...you can fake it  ). Give him opportunities to feel important to you again. (i.e. let him be your knight in shining armor) And then praise him when he does a good job. 

Even if you are the only one trying, it might be just the thing to light his spark again. Since there is a good chance that his pulling away is in response to the new family dynamic of a little one in the house. What have you got to lose?


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## ericalynn122 (May 6, 2009)

I am going to try my hardest to make things work! I hope you are right, maybe my trying might help spark thing back up.


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