# I miss her...how do I let go?



## talkitout (Feb 21, 2012)

Going on over 3 weeks since my ex-GF of 6 years broke it off with me, 1 week since I moved out and last contact. She has said her final words to me, told me to move on, and goodbye. She was my everything, best friend, companion, lover, and just like that she is gone out of my life as if she died. We have zero contact. I hold onto the thought that she will start to miss me at some point and reconsider, but each passing day it just seems like the distance is growing and in time our relationship will be just a memory. I fear I'm hanging onto a glimmer of false hope.

I know she is probably moving on with her life, spending a lot of time with family, traveling, taking up new hobbies, etc. Meanwhile, the majority of my day is spent consumed with confusion and thoughts of her. I know it's not healthy, but I can't seem to help it. When I wake up in the morning I'm saddened to realize another day without her. I know I can't go on like this too much longer. I've already made myself sick and am bedridden from all the stress, worrying, poor nutrition, and lack of sleep. I've lost a lot of weight. 

I don't think she worries about how I'm doing, at least not enough to check on me. It's literally like she died and is gone, never to be heard from again. How do I begin to let go? I realize she didn't love me like I love her, but despite that realization my heart still loves her. There is no contact, not even on a basic friend level, it hurts. I am in a dark place and it hurts so much that the person I loved so much doesn't care.


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## hilly2 (Jan 15, 2012)

I am so sorry. I am also trying to deal with the emotions of my husband leaving. You HAVE to keep busy. You can visit family, hang out with friends, exercise, travel, take a class in something that you enjoy, start a new hobby.

Trust me, I am struggling right now, and just finished crying. But I am going to get my a** up and go for a nice walk!


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I was depressed and crying after I dropped my son off at my husbands and decided to get my [email protected]@ out too. I drove an hour away to a park with a lake. It is a sunny winter day where I live. The sun is warming everything up. 

I wish i had more words of wisdom. There's lots of good suggestions on my broken thread. I know....its not that easy to do. 

I'm sorry....I know how hard this is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yellowsubmarine (Feb 3, 2012)

It's very hard to do. What I did was taking up activities and doing things I always wanted to do, but just didn't get around to them. Also, if you have a hobby or an interest... find things that will make you happy. Take care of yourself, find someone you can confide in. Everyone is different... try finding activities that provide relief.


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## talkitout (Feb 21, 2012)

I try to think of the person she is now vs. the person I fell in love with. The person I fell in love with has been gone for a long time when I sit and think about it. The person she was towards the end did not seem capable of true love towards me. I know this, but does it make my moving forward any easier, no.


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## lostintheworld1 (Aug 7, 2011)

I would suggest the 180 for sure. I am going on a month and a half with her being gone. She left and filed for divorce the same day. I struggle every day. I am trying the 180 but like you some days I can't even hardly get out of bed. Other days I am ashamed to say booze have helped me to forget my pain. I have started to spend more time with family and friends but late at night I just cry. I miss her so much. Time keeps passing and I am waiting for some magical fix that I know does not exist.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

lostintheworld1 said:


> I would suggest the 180 for sure. I am going on a month and a half with her being gone. She left and filed for divorce the same day. I struggle every day. I am trying the 180 but like you some days I can't even hardly get out of bed. Other days I am ashamed to say booze have helped me to forget my pain. I have started to spend more time with family and friends but late at night I just cry. I miss her so much. Time keeps passing and I am waiting for some magical fix that I know does not exist.


almost 6 months and this is me still at times.


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## hurtinme (Feb 16, 2012)

So difficult av tried many techniques but she is always on my mind, the sadness can be overwhelming am on week 7 still have contact and believe me it makes it no easier. At times I feel so alone even when am with friends or family. Am gonna try to stop talking to myself creating romantic what ifs etc. gotta shu off somehow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lostintheworld1 (Aug 7, 2011)

Part of my struggle is that she refuses to have contact. She has called me twice to ask me for things car insurance once and medical insurance once. Otherwise she refuses to respond to emails/texts/calls. She won't tell me where she lives either. When I try to discuss our finances or other personal business she says I am being selfish and refuses to talk anymore. Or tells me that since I cheated I am the cause of the whole mess and I need to fix it. The lack of contact and communication makes it even worse for me.


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## hurtinme (Feb 16, 2012)

Love the quote am sure am eating there now at that table but some gratification if we know we will all be eating at the table one day. Folks i went walking with a girl from work in the country 3 an a half miles up huge hills and over fields and u know I feel so much better not healed but better it may not last but for now am ok. Also when she enters my head I try to switch thought immediately e.g thought about her before wondering what she was doin an immediatly thought about the walk an u no it worked. I really didnt wanna go walking this morning either even when we got there i thought nah i cant be arsed but i had to then and boy am i glad i did. Planning more of the same for the future.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## talkitout (Feb 21, 2012)

I tossed and turned last night thinking of her, things she said, things she's done, I guess I eventually fell asleep. I woke up this morning missing her badly, shaking my head wondering why she chose this path that has brought me this pain and loneliness. I would never have done this to her.


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## talkitout (Feb 21, 2012)

I drove by her place today and from a distance saw her outside with her new big dog. She was leash training him and offering all sorts of affection. I know its just a dog, but I couldn't help but feel I've been replaced by a dog. She cares more about a new dog than me, a human being who spent 6 years with her. I'm confused, hurt, sad, feel like a piece of trash that she disposed of in the dumpster. I don't get her.


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## talkitout (Feb 21, 2012)

Update:

I'm feeling better today and feel last night I turned the corner I needed to heal and get to a better place in my life. 

I got a phone call last night from a friend who had met my ex-gf at a few functions we went together. He hesitated to be rude, but told me that the first time I introduced him to her he thought she was "mean" and later admitted he actually thought she was a "B---ch." He also was in disbelief this girl has me so destroyed because he doesn't think she's anything special looks-wise either and said she was average and wouldn't be noticeable in a bar when there's so many better looking girls. He said for her to have me down the way I am he can't understand because she's not all that.

I've had my love goggles on for so many years now and put her on a pedestal so much higher than she actually deserves. Throughout our relationship she beat me down to the point I undervalued myself, and in an attempt to hold onto things I idealized her and elevated her to the point I felt lucky to be her with her. I felt I was the lucky one. 

The thought of losing her messed with my mind. I envisioned her being single and getting hit on by multitudes of guys in a bar and her enjoying all the attention. The reality is that no other guy will probably see her as attractive as I saw her, or put up with nearly as much crap from her. To me she was a beautiful, special woman that I loved. To the majority of guys she is average and overlooked. 

Rather than feel offended my friend was dissing my ex (he felt hesitant), I told him to be honest and lay it on me. I needed to hear it. I needed the hard slap in the face to snap out of the spell I was under. There I was feeling sorry for myself that I lost such a "great" woman, when the reality is that she isn't great. She was only great, hot, and beautiful in my eyes. Most other guys will see her as average and treat her as such. 

In some strange way this has snapped me out of the funk I was in. I am not a bad-looking guy. She was lucky to have me. The swarm of guys around her at a bar is just a figment of my imagination. My own mind has been my worst enemy throughout this process. When another red-blooded male told me my ex wasn't all that, my mind finally came out of the fog. I believe she highly overvalues herself, due in part to how I elevated her status and worth over the years and all the groveling she has become accustomed to from me. When she finds out other guys see her as average and treat her as such it will be a hard reality check for her. 

As for myself, I have started the long journey today of getting back my self-worth and feeling that I am attractive, desirable, and was not the problem in my relationship. I stood tall until the end trying to make things work. I did not quit. I fought tooth and nail for the woman I loved. I was blinded. My blinders are off now, looking out the window the sun is shining, I'll be alright. Take the blinders off and many of you will be alright too.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

talkitout said:


> In some strange way this has snapped me out of the funk I was in. I am not a bad-looking guy. She was lucky to have me. The swarm of guys around her at a bar is just a figment of my imagination. My own mind has been my worst enemy throughout this process. When another red-blooded male told me my ex wasn't all that, my mind finally came out of the fog. I believe she highly overvalues herself, due in part to how I elevated her status and worth over the years and all the groveling she has become accustomed to from me. When she finds out other guys see her as average and treat her as such it will be a hard reality check for her.
> 
> As for myself, I have started the long journey today of getting back my self-worth and feeling that I am attractive, desirable, and was not the problem in my relationship. I stood tall until the good trying to make things work. I did not quit. I fought tooth and nail for the woman I loved. I was blinded. My blinders are off now, looking out the window the sun is shining, I'll be alright. Take the blinders off and many of you will be alright too.


Good to see you're seeing things more positively. I'm still about three months into my separation and two months living alone since the end of my seven-year marriage. Much less of a roller coaster ride now (I was the dumpee), but I've learned this... moving forward is a process, not an event. You'll need to work through things, and you will not doubt be justifying many things about yourself and your relationships. 

In time, you'll be questioning yourself a lot less, as you remember and rediscover your self-worth and strength.


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