# Opinions on our arrangement



## rosado09 (Oct 27, 2009)

Background: married 9 yrs together 17. Kids 14 and 8. When we met I was 18 and he was 32. I eventually agreed to get married because we had a child and were living together. It took me 8 yrs together to finally agree. Things were fine initially, tolerable most of tHe time, happy some of the time. Recent years things got worse. More drinking, gambling, smoking, and he dropped out of college for 5th time etc. I have always been the primary breadwinner, I have 2 post grad degrees. I never expected him to be like me, but his lack of drive and focus disappoints and irks me. I finally levelled with him Oct 09 and and let it all out. I've bottled up my frustrations for years (I know its my fault for not letting it out) and it came to a head last autumn. Since then we've gone to 2 marriage counselors, he took a real estate course, but failed license exam twicen still not working. Drinking less now, but still doesn't put the kids first. Sadly, its too litlle too late. I'm empty, I'm done. 
The arrangement: we've decided to divorce. Obviously, he has no money, no job, no family nearby. So, we said we'll stay together in our home for one year to give him time to complete the license exam, and get a job so he can support himself (he hasn't worked since 2003). I said let's stay in separate bedrooms, but he disagreed and said we could sleep in the same bed and nothing happens. The problem is, since I initiated this plan, he wanted some sort of arrangement in order to go along with it peacefully. He said if I agreed to sex once a week he will go along with the plan. I know, its ridiculous but I agreed. I said if I put up with his crap for this long, what's one more year. Figured I could tough it out. I agreed out of guilt, because I know he has nothing, he's the father of my kids and we've been together for so long. Problem now is I absolutely cringe at his touch, dread our "sex day" and everything in between. When we deal platonically, like with the home, kids, etc we are civil and cordial, but when he tries to be intimate I freeze up. I'm an educated woman so I know this plan is stupid from beginning to end but I feel this obligation to him so here I am, stuck. Now I did tell him reconcilation is not gonna happen and he says he knows, I also told him that if the deadline comes (Aug 2011) and he is not ready to live independently, then he's on his own and I won't feel guilty anymore. He will be 50 next year for gods sake. 
So what you guys think? I know its twisted, but I need a better alternative. Right now he has absolutely no money, no job, nothing. The fact is, I don't love him but I don't hate him either, don't want to see him suffer, just don't want to be married/responsible for him anymore. Help!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ButterflyKisses (Aug 30, 2010)

rosado09 said:


> He said if I agreed to sex once a week he will go along with the plan.


He is feeding off of your guilt. You have stretched yourself far enough that you are willing to give him another year of your life in order to make sure that he can financially support himself and yet that is not good enough for him, he asks for more.

If he's not satisfied with what you are giving him then maybe you should revoke the plan and walk away with no guilt.


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