# Reconciling after an affair- three mistakes the cheater makes



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Reconciling after an affair- three mistakes the cheater makes

From the article:

*Your courageous work if you are trying to recover your marriage after and affair is to keep these three mistakes in mind. Don’t keep in touch with your ex-lover, focus on your healing work. Don’t idealize what was a fantasy; enjoy what you have in reality. Don’t try to hurry your hurt spouse to “get over it” and recognize they will be hurt for a long time.*


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

#4. Continuing to lie and keep secrets.


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> #4. Continuing to lie and keep secrets.


:iagree: Full disclosure is a must..even if it is painful


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

SaltInWound said:


> #4. Continuing to lie and keep secrets.



Let's expand this. Is this because the WS might feel as if they got away with something?

Or another reason?


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> Let's expand this. Is this because the WS might feel as if they got away with something?
> 
> Or another reason?


It's so the BS knows eactly what they are forgiving...many WS trickle truth thinking they are either saving their own neck or preventing any further pain for the BS...either way it doesn't work and is not healthy....


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> It's so the BS knows eactly what they are forgiving...many WS trickle truth thinking they are either saving their own neck or preventing any further pain for the BS...either way it doesn't work and is not healthy....


Would downplaying the affair count as TT, or is it just straight out lying?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Would downplaying the affair count as TT, or is it just straight out lying?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How is it being downplayed?


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Would downplaying the affair count as TT, or is it just straight out lying?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Both
Let's say the affair was 2 years. I ask you how long the affair was and you say it was 3 months. You are trickle truthing, because you are trying to downplay it. And at the same time, you are lying, because you know the affair lasted 2 years.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> How is it being downplayed?


Things like intensity of the affair, how often the affair partners had sex and when asked certain questions out and out lied. I get how it would be both TT and lying. But what if it was done to save the bs more pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Things like intensity of the affair, how often the affair partners had sex and when asked certain questions out and out lied. I get how it would be both TT and lying. But what if it was done to save the bs more pain.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


TTing does not save the BS more pain only increases it...the WS has done enough lyinng and should be forthcoming with any information the BS wants...but lets be honest truly remorseful WS are few and far between....

Reading this site and from personal experience has also made me an agnostic about RAs - since some WS will only know the pain if they experience it themselves....


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

You are so right, when my exh cheated on me I was mad and hurt. I was really angry with the ow because I knew her and had helped her several times. I got over it very quickly most likely be wise I really didn't like my exh. We were not very close and we certainly weren't friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> You are so right, when my exh cheated on me I was mad and hurt. I was really angry with the ow because I knew her and had helped her several times. I got over it very quickly most likely be wise *I really didn't like my exh. We were not very close and we certainly weren't friends.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow....then you definitely are better off divorced....question:why did you two marry?


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Wow....then you definitely are better off divorced....question:why did you two marry?


I married him because I was young and naïve and I thought I could change him. It took a lot of years to realize you can't change someone who doesn't want to change.


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> I married him because I was young and naïve and I thought I could change him. It took a lot of years to realize you can't change someone who doesn't want to change.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: Yup you have to take people as they are...and if they are crappy chances are they will stay that way after marriage...


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

canuckprincess said:


> Things like intensity of the affair, how often the affair partners had sex and when asked certain questions out and out lied. I get how it would be both TT and lying. But what if it was done to save the bs more pain.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So how exactly are you continuing your affair with your MM and how is your MM trickle truthing his BW? 

Stop your pursuit of your MM and leave him and his BW alone. As you claim to be a former BS, then you should know better, that what you're doing is wrong.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> So how exactly are you continuing your affair with your MM and how is your MM trickle truthing his BW?
> 
> Stop your pursuit of your MM and leave him and his BW alone. As you claim to be a former BS, then you should know better, that what you're doing is wrong.


I don't purse him. Do you really think his wife tells you the whole story? Seriously if you think she does then your seriously delusional. I can back everything I've said cause unlike mm and his bs I don't lie! He lies through omission and she lies to herself. Can I ask you one question? Since I know you and her chat privately, does she want to know the truth? I believe she has the right to know, the problem is I don't think she really wants to know. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> I don't purse him. Do you really think his wife tells you the whole story? Seriously if you think she does then your seriously delusional. I can back everything I've said cause unlike mm and his bs I don't lie! He lies through omission and she lies to herself. Can I ask you one question? Since I know you and her chat privately, does she want to know the truth? I believe she has the right to know, the problem is I don't think she really wants to know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:scratchhead: Well this thread has taken an unexpected turn....


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> :scratchhead: Well this thread has taken an unexpected turn....


Yes it has because lordmayhem seems to be obsessed with my posts. He knows part of a story and like the bs in our situation he thinks he knows the whole story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

canuckprincess, the "full story" is absolutly irrelevant, you are once again deflecting the issue here, using this time lord as you used BW earlier.
You are the OW in a marriage, so go NC. Period.
Why do you care what the wife know, her motivations or MOM's to begin with? Why you never adress you behavior?

There's no grey areas, you post sometimes as a BS as in this thread.
Why don't you have a little more self respect (and please, don't bring again BW and what kind of self respect she has, stop deflecting).


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Acabado said:


> canuckprincess, the "full story" is absolutly irrelevant, you are once again deflecting the issue here, using this time lord as you used BW earlier.
> You are the OW in a marriage, so go NC. Period.
> Why do you care what the wife know, her motivations or MOM's to begin with? Why you never adress you behavior?
> 
> ...


Well it's hard to go no contact when neither of us want to stop seeing each other. Why can't people wrap their heads around the fact that it is possible to love more then one woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hellosp (Jul 14, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> You are so right, when my exh cheated on me I was mad and hurt. I was really angry with the ow because I knew her and had helped her several times. I got over it very quickly most likely be wise I really didn't like my exh. We were not very close and we certainly weren't friends.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Canuck, I'm confused. On LS you've said that you didn't even care that your exH cheated on you... but here you said that you were hurt and mad. Which one? Also, isn't there somewhere that you said you've never cheated and yet, again, on LS you've said you were a WS.


----------



## hellosp (Jul 14, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Well it's hard to go no contact when neither of us want to stop seeing each other. Why can't people wrap their heads around the fact that it is possible to love more then one woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's the fact that he's got a WIFE and a SIDE CHICK that is wrong. But guys, there's no use in debating, she won't change until something drastic happens and the BS/Family is hurt... maybe not even that.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

hellosp said:


> Canuck, I'm confused. On LS you've said that you didn't even care that your exH cheated on you... but here you said that you were hurt and mad. Which one? Also, isn't there somewhere that you said you've never cheated and yet, again, on LS you've said you were a WS.


I was mad and hurt because the ow my exh cheated with I knew her and had helped her financially. I was hurt more by her actions then his. There's some grey area around me being a ws, my ex and I were still sharing the house when I met my mm. But we were already seperated for 2 months when I started seeing my mm.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

hellosp said:


> It's the fact that he's got a WIFE and a SIDE CHICK that is wrong. But guys, there's no use in debating, she won't change until something drastic happens and the BS/Family is hurt... maybe not even that.


I feel terrible that the bs is hurting, if you knew me you would know I'm 100 percent honest. I have zero reason to lie, I mean zero!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jay_gatsby (Jun 4, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Well it's hard to go no contact when neither of us want to stop seeing each other. Why can't people wrap their heads around the fact that it is possible to love more then one woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Like other readers on this thread, I was confused to who is who... so, you are a BS involved with a MM, making you the WS to your H? And your MM is a WS to his BS, that you know and obviously, lord mayhem knows as well? I need to draw up a diagram:scratchhead:


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

jay_gatsby said:


> Like other readers on this thread, I was confused to who is who... so, you are a BS involved with a MM, making you the WS to your H? And your MM is a WS to his BS, that you know and obviously, lord mayhem knows as well? I need to draw up a diagram:scratchhead:


I was a bs and a ws, but I'm not divorced.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

Canuckprincess, all I see is that you are majorly messed up! You have been on BOTH sides of the fence and you ask "why can't we realize that someone can love two people at the same time?" If you seriously need an answer to that question, I suggest you sign yourself into the nearest mental institution and get your head screwed on straight! Simply...IT'S WRONG!

As far as I am concerned you have NO business posting on CWI with your mentality or opinions. It is not productive or welcome! Your cake eating ways are disgusting! Why would you continue to post here with your current lifestyle behaviors? :scratchhead: If you are looking for validation or justification, I would suggest moving on.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

brokenhearted118 said:


> As far as I am concerned you have NO business posting on CWI with your mentality or opinions. It is not productive or welcome! Your cake eating ways are disgusting! Why would you continue to post here with your current lifestyle behaviors? :scratchhead: If you are looking for validation or justification, I would suggest moving on.


Please.


----------



## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

*Re: Re: Reconciling after an affair- three mistakes the cheater makes*



canuckprincess said:


> Well it's hard to go no contact when neither of us want to stop seeing each other. Why can't people wrap their heads around the fact that it is possible to love more then one woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What is your concept of love?


----------



## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Well it's hard to go no contact when neither of us want to stop seeing each other. Why can't people wrap their heads around the fact that it is possible to love more then one woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol::rofl:


----------



## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

life101 said:


> What is your concept of love?


polygamy


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

brokenhearted118 said:


> Canuckprincess, all I see is that you are majorly messed up! You have been on BOTH sides of the fence and you ask "why can't we realize that someone can love two people at the same time?" If you seriously need an answer to that question, I suggest you sign yourself into the nearest mental institution and get your head screwed on straight! Simply...IT'S WRONG!
> 
> As far as I am concerned you have NO business posting on CWI with your mentality or opinions. It is not productive or welcome! Your cake eating ways are disgusting! Why would you continue to post here with your current lifestyle behaviors? :scratchhead: If you are looking for validation or justification, I would suggest moving on.


So you think it's ok to abuse people, do you berate your ws and is that why your here cause your a bully!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> So you think it's ok to abuse people, do you berate your ws and is that why your here cause your a bully!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_








:scratchhead:


----------



## superspy (Mar 4, 2013)

Salt in Wound.... I LOVE your avatar.... So true....

Thanks for posting this topic....


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Acabado said:


> :scratchhead:


?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Things like intensity of the affair, how often the affair partners had sex and when asked certain questions out and out lied. I get how it would be both TT and lying. But what if it was done to save the bs more pain.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There is no more pain. It is just a continuation of the most pain they have endured ever. You have no right to hold back. They deserve full disclosure. Period. Having to wonder will kill them, so get it all out in the open.


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Well it's hard to go no contact when neither of us want to stop seeing each other. Why can't people wrap their heads around the fact that it is possible to love more then one woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

home wrecker


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

brokenhearted118 said:


> Canuckprincess, all I see is that you are majorly messed up! You have been on BOTH sides of the fence and you ask "why can't we realize that someone can love two people at the same time?" If you seriously need an answer to that question, I suggest you sign yourself into the nearest mental institution and get your head screwed on straight! Simply...IT'S WRONG!
> 
> As far as I am concerned you have NO business posting on CWI with your mentality or opinions. It is not productive or welcome! Your cake eating ways are disgusting! Why would you continue to post here with your current lifestyle behaviors? :scratchhead: If you are looking for validation or justification, I would suggest moving on.


:iagree::iagree: Your nuts :iagree::iagree: go away :iagree:


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

And just like my mm's bs you people are the ones in fantasy land with your heads in the sand. Denial to the extreme!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

What future do you have with a man who is already married who will not leave his wife???


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

vi_bride04 said:


> What future do you have with a man who is already married who will not leave his wife???


She gets to be the cake he eats. Until she gets dried up and he moves on to someone else. Great life. She must have incredible self esteem.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> What future do you have with a man who is already married who will not leave his wife???


What future does a wife have with a man who won't leave his gf? At least I know he's still with his wife so I'm not in the dark.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

nogutsnoglory said:


> She gets to be the cake he eats. Until she gets dried up and he moves on to someone else. Great life. She must have incredible self esteem.


Well I'm moist delicious cake and if it dries up I'll serve his yummy cake with milk!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> What future does a wife have with a man who won't leave his gf? At least I know he's still with his wife so I'm not in the dark.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Again avoiding, turning a question made directly to you into something else.
The question was to you, not to OM's wife. If she were here we would ask and advice her. She's not here, you are.
I've never seen anyone more unwilling to face herself.
All you do is comparing yourself to BW every time the answer to the direct questions make yourself unconfortable. That or attacking those who questions you.
Nice way to cope.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Well I'm moist delicious cake and if it dries up I'll serve his yummy cake with milk!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And this is just plain disgusting.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> I feel terrible that the bs is hurting, if you knew me you would know I'm 100 percent honest. I have zero reason to lie, I mean zero!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





canuckprincess said:


> What future does a wife have with a man who won't leave his gf? At least I know he's still with his wife so I'm not in the dark.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Aren't these 2 statements contradictory? If you are 100% honest and know about his wife and such and she is still in the dark, then you are lying just as bad as he is. How can you state that not telling the full truth is to "protect" the BS from further hurt, Being a BS at one point (if your story is true) would make you not even ask this question. 

Your entitlement reeks!!!!!


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Squeakr, this the kind of mental gymnastic required to carry on with this lifestyle. Of course there will be obvious contradictions.
Denial is powerful.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> What future does a wife have with a man who won't leave his gf? At least I know he's still with his wife so I'm not in the dark.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you are concerned about her being in the dark, why don' you call her up and tell her you are still with him?? Maybe she would set him free to "be yours". 

You will only be his piece of cake. He will never commit to you and if he does he will only cheat on you. Why do you want to commit yourself to a man like that? Don't you feel you deserve better?


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Well to answer your question, what future do any of us have, people fall in and out of love and move on to other relationships. In the moment I'm happy, I'm loved, I'm worshiped and I'm pleasured in all the ways I need. I like where things are, I just want some bs's who think they are in R to think again because some are not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> If you are concerned about her being in the dark, why don' you call her up and tell her you are still with him?? Maybe she would set him free to "be yours".
> 
> You will only be his piece of cake. He will never commit to you and if he does he will only cheat on you. Why do you want to commit yourself to a man like that? Don't you feel you deserve better?


First off his wife reads these post and I have straight out asked her if she wants the truth and she will not respond. So in doing so why should I tell her what she already knows if she doesn't want full disclosure. If I called her she would just hang up on me. Not everyone wants to know the truth because if she was given proof she would have to change her entire life. She knows very well she is sharing her husband with me but chooses to not even talk to him about it. 

If she want to know the truth she can call me or knock on my door and I will be 100 percent honest. I could put the proof here but it's no one else's business but hers, his and mine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I just want some bs's who think they are in R to think again because some are not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for enlighting us. So noble of you.
Now we are all informed about flase Rs why don't you go back to your cheater's website?
Why bragging to hurting people the fact you are such a delicious cake?
Are we just names in a screen, no entities, less as persons, as BW?


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Stop claiming to want to know the truth when most can't handle the truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Stop claiming to want to know the truth when most can't handle the truth.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thats not for anyone to decide except for the person wanting to know the truth! They know what they can and can't handle.

Lies only protect the person spewing them from their mouth


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> Thats not for anyone to decide except for the person wanting to know the truth! They know what they can and can't handle.
> 
> Lies only protect the person spewing them from their mouth


I want to tell her the truth for so many reasons. 
1) she has the right to know that it's still going on.
2) I need to clear my mind and help life some of the guilt I feel
3) I need her to know I'm sorry I'm in live with her husband and I can't seem to stop.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Whats stopping you? Will your bf be upset that you spilled the beans to his wife?


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> Whats stopping you? Will your bf be upset that you spilled the beans to his wife?


I'm sure he wouldn't be happy about it, but it won't be a deal breaker for us. You see the one thing my bf knows is when it comes to our twisted love triangle I do not lie. She will get the basics and if she wanted the entire detailed relationship for the last 2 years I would tell and answer questions. I want her to know but only if she requests it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

xOW said:


> Canuckprincess, no offense but you need to wake up and see the situation for what it really is... a complete and utter disaster. Doomed to fail and end in heartbreak for you and his wife. The only "winner" in all this is your married bf who is enjoying being the object of all this attention. He is loved by two women, both of which he has no respect for. What is love without respect? Nothing. All you do is feed his ego, and by focusing on his wife, you are only lying to yourself about what this is really about: your inability to let go of a loser who doesn't mind torturing two women for his own pleasure.
> 
> I am saying this as an xOW. Trust me I know how it feels to love a married man and feel so loved by him that it feels like it's meant to be. But now I see things differently. I see a loser who cheats on his wife, and me, an idiot who had fallen for his lies and idealized him despite the obvious flaws and red flags.
> 
> ...


Thank you, that is about the only useful advice I've received on here or LS. I know I must do some soul searching. Even if I find it I'm myself to move on, I know we will always remain friends and chat daily, we can't / won't give that up. I know this relationship is toxic for all of us but I can't seem to break free. It's hard when I say I want the madness to stop and he begs me not to end it. I'm sure he's doing the same thing to his wife,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

xOW said:


> She is no different than you. You are both blinded by your own desire to "win" this man... but she may have other reasons to hold on to him, like kids, history or finances. You have nothing but trouble to win if you do end up with him.


There's also another no small difference, she's in a legit relationship while the OW is not. She's the wife and canuck is the intruder, BW invested so much in the marriage (who always means some sacrifices) while OW is a robber who only get the good parts OM dishes her.
The fact you still put at the same level OWs and BWs is laughable. Typical OW's speech and train of thoughts.
Of course, only if you remove that small detail of the moral compass....


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

xOW said:


> Btw, I would give the same advice to many BSs here but I doubt they would be interested.


They would be less inclined to hear you because who you are and the fact you still have work to do but this is actually the advice every single BS get here from other BS... and remorseful WS/APs.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Acabado said:


> They would be less inclined to hear you because who you are and the fact you still have work to do but this is actually the advice every single BS get here from other BS... and remorseful WS/APs.


It's the advice given but no one wants the truth. Also you have different advice for male bs bs female bs. The woman should hold on and fight for a man that cheats has dday and continues to cheat each and every moment, yet you all seem to tell male bs to kick the ws out. Your people need to follow your own advice. And btw broken marriage vows, are far worse. I didn't break my vows or his, ws does. So he is the home wrecker not me! When I came along it was already broken!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Acabado said:


> There's also another no small difference, she's in a legit relationship while the OW is not. She's the wife and canuck is the intruder, BW invested so much in the marriage (who always means some sacrifices) while OW is a robber who only get the good parts OM dishes her.
> The fact you still put at the same level OWs and BWs is laughable. Typical OW's speech and train of thoughts.
> Of course, only if you remove that small detail of the moral compass....


She may be legally married but only by law, once those vows have been broken its no longer in the eyes of god in my opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

If you were really ok with the situation, you wouldn't be getting so defensive.....


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Why are you answering to posts meant for xOW?


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Also you have different advice for male bs bs female bs. The woman should hold on and fight for a man that cheats has dday and continues to cheat each and every moment, yet you all seem to tell male bs to kick the ws out.


Edited to keep me in the forum.
It's false. And you know it, you are not stupid, it's no more than another excuse to pile up and stir the pot here.

Done with you.


----------



## hellosp (Jul 14, 2013)

Canuck: WHY ARE YOU HERE? You are NOT looking to get out of the affair, you are NOT looking to tell the BS the truth, you are NOT looking to change anything. So what are you doing here? I honestly think you are just trying to disrupt this forum. You offer no good advice to BS' here(at least xOW shared some advice from her point of view). 

I will wish you good luck cause it looks like all you will ever be is an OW for the next 7+ years. I can't imagine that kind of life but you seem to thrive off of deception, causing people pain and possibly destroying multiple lives.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

hellosp said:


> Canuck: WHY ARE YOU HERE? You are NOT looking to get out of the affair, you are NOT looking to tell the BS the truth, you are NOT looking to change anything. So what are you doing here? I honestly think you are just trying to disrupt this forum. You offer no good advice to BS' here(at least xOW shared some advice from her point of view).
> 
> I will wish you good luck cause it looks like all you will ever be is an OW for the next 7+ years. I can't imagine that kind of life but you seem to thrive off of deception, causing people pain and possibly destroying multiple lives.


First off I'm willing to tell the truth, she has chosen to ignore all signs. I have offered the truth she would rather live in denial. I'm not being deceptive, I'm not lying to anyone. Well at least being ow I'm loved and my spouse isn't cheating me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

I am truly sorry for those that were affected by me using this forum to let someone what's truly going on. It wasn't meant to hurt any bs or ws that are truly in R.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hellosp (Jul 14, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> I am truly sorry for those that were affected by me using this forum to let someone what's truly going on. It wasn't meant to hurt any bs or ws that are truly in R.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The thing is, you don't know what is truly going on all the time. You THINK you do. Just because you've had your experiences does not mean that they are that way for everyone.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

hellosp said:


> The thing is, you don't know what is truly going on all the time. You THINK you do. Just because you've had your experiences does not mean that they are that way for everyone.


I certainly do agree with you, I'm just referring to me disfunctional love triangle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> First off I'm willing to tell the truth, she has chosen to ignore all signs. I have offered the truth she would rather live in denial. I'm not being deceptive, I'm not lying to anyone. Well at least being ow I'm loved and my spouse isn't cheating me!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stop asking if she wants to know then. Just tell her. What she does with whatever you give her is entirely up to her. And, if you TRULY felt sorry for what she is (or was) going through, you would walk away. The fact that you continue (and the jury is still out on this since you have been here for over a year, spouting the same thing the whole time, with no proof sent to her) says you do NOT care about her feelings... only about yourself and your feelings. Just give full disclosure, copies of all proof, and let her decide what, if anything, she will do. Just stop using TAM to keep needling her, as you have for the last year. This place is SUPPOSED to be to help people END affairs, not to justify why they should STAY in one.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Stop asking if she wants to know then. Just tell her. What she does with whatever you give her is entirely up to her. And, if you TRULY felt sorry for what she is (or was) going through, you would walk away. The fact that you continue (and the jury is still out on this since you have been here for over a year, spouting the same thing the whole time, with no proof sent to her) says you do NOT care about her feelings... only about yourself and your feelings. Just give full disclosure, copies of all proof, and let her decide what, if anything, she will do. Just stop using TAM to keep needling her, as you have for the last year. This place is SUPPOSED to be to help people END affairs, not to justify why they should STAY in one.


You are right, I first posted here so if and when she realized the affair wasn't over she wouldn't be blindsided because she already knew about the first 6 years. As for proof I have plenty and if she wants it, I'll provide it. I don't want to walk away from the man I love, and if it were as easy as you all seem to think I would have. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> You are right, I first posted here so if and when she realized the affair wasn't over she wouldn't be blindsided because she already knew about the first 6 years. As for proof I have plenty and if she wants it, I'll provide it. I don't want to walk away from the man I love, and if it were as easy as you all seem to think I would have.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Speaking from the perspective of a cheater... it really IS that simple to walk away. Do you want the best for him? Walk away. The only thing difficult about it is the memories. See, one thing I didn't mention last night is the fact that I did have her as a friend at one time on here. She hasn't been back in months. I checked. Now, you claim you have all this proof... you keep saying :if she wants it..." No. Not "if she wants it..." If you have it, give it to her. Just give her the proof you claim to have. Otherwise, at this point, you only look like a stalker.


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> It's the advice given but no one wants the truth. Also you have different advice for male bs bs female bs. The woman should hold on and fight for a man that cheats has dday and continues to cheat each and every moment, yet you all seem to tell male bs to kick the ws out. Your people need to follow your own advice. And btw broken marriage vows, are far worse. I didn't break my vows or his, ws does. So he is the home wrecker not me! When I came along it was already broken!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How do you know his M was already broken.. let me guess, he told you a sad story... and you believed it, because he only lies to one woman in his life, you're so special you get only truth.

You think you're loved... if he loved you, he'd be with you and not his wife. 

You *are *a home wrecker, because even if his M was broken, you injecting yourself into it is NOT a fix. So you're a wrench in the gears, that isn't a way to fix a home, it's a way to further wreck the home. So the car had a flat tire, and you're helping him fix it by ripping the engine out and popping the other three tires. Good for you, you're such a huge help to this M.

You have to spin all this crap to justify your behavior.

I'm a male BS that's in R, and I got a ton of advice from this site. Not 'all' here told me to kick my WS out.. so you're wrong on that one too.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

russell28 said:


> How do you know his M was already broken.. let me guess, he told you a sad story... and you believed it, because he only lies to one woman in his life, you're so special you get only truth.
> 
> You think you're loved... if he loved you, he'd be with you and not his wife.
> 
> ...


That's great that your in a successful R, but if it was a false reconcilliation wouldn't you want to know. If your wife was still with her AP would you still want to fix your broken marriage? Would you prefer not to know the truth? Your right if he loved me he'd be with me, and if he lived his wife he woulda be with me. The person he loves the most is himself. You don't him or me so you have no idea if he loves me. You don't risk losing everything for someone you don't love. Not after 7.5 years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> That's great that your in a successful R, but if it was a false reconcilliation wouldn't you want to know. If your wife was still with her AP would you still want to fix your broken marriage? Would you prefer not to know the truth? Your right if he loved me he'd be with me, and if he lived his wife he woulda be with me. The person he loves the most is himself. You don't him or me so you have no idea if he loves me. You don't risk losing everything for someone you don't love. Not after 7.5 years.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My wife was with her AP for five years.. she risked losing everything for her addiction. A husband that cherished her, respect of children, family, friends.. So yea, they thought they loved each other... she now realizes what love really is. A husband that'd take you back after you disrespect him for years, not a person that will not only watch you destroy your family, but be a party to it. She is having the hardest time dealing with her stupid excuses, and justifications. On how she chose to get close to someone else instead of working on our marriage, because she can see now how damaging it is to not only our family, but to herself. You have to be in a low place as far as self respect and self esteem to cheat, and that's a hard thing to admit. It's tough to look deep into your soul and see dark things. It takes a big person to admit them and to learn to change.

He can love his wife and still be with you, that's a false assumption.. He might not love her, but it's possible he loves his wife and you're his playmate. It happens.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

russell28 said:


> My wife was with her AP for five years.. she risked losing everything for her addiction. A husband that cherished her, respect of children, family, friends.. So yea, they thought they loved each other... she now realizes what love really is. A husband that'd take you back after you disrespect him for years, not a person that will not only watch you destroy your family, but be a party to it. She is having the hardest time dealing with her stupid excuses, and justifications. On how she chose to get close to someone else instead of working on our marriage, because she can see now how damaging it is to not only our family, but to herself. You have to be in a low place as far as self respect and self esteem to cheat, and that's a hard thing to admit. It's tough to look deep into your soul and see dark things. It takes a big person to admit them and to learn to change.
> 
> He can love his wife and still be with you, that's a false assumption.. He might not love her, but it's possible he loves his wife and you're his playmate. It happens.


You may be right, I can't say what another truly feels. My question to you is, did your wife stop seeing her AP when she decided to reconcile and work on her marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

How did a thread on the mistakes that a WS makes in a reconciliation attempt turn into a tit-for-tat with one poster? A poster who eggs on people who have been brutally hurt by infidelity?

To CP: If you have truly spent the last 7+ years of your life as the second choice of a man who has no interest in leaving his W, then you are not at all an honest person. At the very least, you are lying to yourself every minute of every day. I've known women who were long-term mistresses of married men - they are pathetic and sad as they get older. No more bravado. That dries up dramatically as they age.

You can protest that you are helpless to stop what you are doing, but that is just another lie. You can stop any time. You can stop right now.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> How did a thread on the mistakes that a WS makes in a reconciliation attempt turn into a tit-for-tat with one poster? A poster who eggs on people who have been brutally hurt by infidelity?
> 
> To CP: If you have truly spent the last 7+ years of your life as the second choice of a man who has no interest in leaving his W, then you are not at all an honest person. At the very least, you are lying to yourself every minute of every day. I've known women who were long-term mistresses of married men - they are pathetic and sad as they get older. No more bravado. That dries up dramatically as they age.
> 
> You can protest that you are helpless to stop what you are doing, but that is just another lie. You can stop any time. You can stop right now.


This thread was about reconcilliation and my posts are about people in false reconcilliation. I'm really confused as to whether a bs in false reconcilliation truly wants the truth. If a bs chooses denial then they must assume some of the responsibility of the continued affair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> You may be right, I can't say what another truly feels. My question to you is, did your wife stop seeing her AP when she decided to reconcile and work on her marriage?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If she didn't stop seeing her AP, there would be no R.. so yes, she's no longer having an affair, that's not an option. 

I gave her the gift of a second chance, so she's no longer destroying her life with the help of her AP, she's working on changing. She's reading self-help books, and spending time with my daughters. She's telling me every day how thankful she is for another day with me. If you really love your MM, you'd advise him to get IC and MC and to not contact you again. 

If you love your MM, let him go.. if he really loves you, he'll D and come get you.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> This thread was about reconcilliation and my posts are about people in false reconcilliation. *I'm really confused as to whether a bs in false reconcilliation truly wants the truth.* If a bs chooses denial then they must assume some of the responsibility of the continued affair.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, if they are in false R, then YES they want the truth. YES if you have proof/truth, you tell them. But you already knew the answer to that. I'll repeat it, though.... YES, IF YOU HAVE PROOF TO SHOW, THEN SHOW IT. Stop beating around the bush. Stop trying to push buttons. Just give the information if they are in false R and let HER see it for herself. Let HER decide if she wants to continue in a marriage if her husband is really still in the affair. Stop saying "if she wants it...." Just give it to her and stop needling.


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> This thread was about reconcilliation and my posts are about people in false reconcilliation. I'm really confused as to whether a bs in false reconcilliation truly wants the truth. If a bs chooses denial then *they must assume some of the responsibility of the continued affair*.





Maricha75 said:


> Yes, if they are in false R, then YES they want the truth. YES if you have proof/truth, you tell them. But you already knew the answer to that. I'll repeat it, though.... YES, IF YOU HAVE PROOF TO SHOW, THEN SHOW IT. Stop beating around the bush. Stop trying to push buttons. Just give the information if they are in false R and let HER see it for herself. Let HER decide if she wants to continue in a marriage if her husband is really still in the affair. Stop saying "if she wants it...." Just give it to her and stop needling.


You bolded the wrong part.. the important part is the part where her MM's BS is the one that's responsible for the affair. It's not the cheating parties that are to blame, the devil made them do it.


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

CP you may be honest but is your OM? Does he make promises to you that he fails to keep? Certainly he has done this with his wife. 

I hope you do find a healthy relationship with a SO. However spinning your wheels on MM while you could be investing that energy in a different direction... Is that what you want for your future? Is that the life of happiness you want to pursue? Sharing a man with someone else? You speak a lot of your honesty. Have you been honest with yourself? 

I have read stories of false and successful R. I believe both happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> This thread was about reconcilliation and my posts are about people in false reconcilliation. I'm really confused as to whether a bs in false reconcilliation truly wants the truth. If a bs chooses denial then they must assume some of the responsibility of the continued affair.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This thread is not generally about reconciliation or specifically about false reconciliations. This thread is about the mistakes a cheater makes vis-a-vis the BS when a reconciliation attempt is ongoing. You, CP, represent the biggest 'mistake' a WS makes when reconciling, which is continuing the affair. So, in that sense, your very existence is on point. It's just your points in this thread that are not on point.

People live by their own metrics, to be sure. But we all have general societal standards to adhere to & these standards are remarkably similar across cultures, so there's an argument for universality that is hard to ignore. What you are doing, CP, strikes against universal societal standards and no amount of mental gymnastics on your part will change that.

You are an OW with a married man who won't leave his BW for you. Even if she knows all the facts and puts him through the wringer for everything, he most likely won't leave her willingly. You know this, so you want to force the issue by making her throw him out. This is why you want her out of her 'denial' - not because you are truthful, but because it's the only avenue for you to achieve your end, which is your MM.

But, there's a very good chance that he won't come to you if/when he is free and clear. You are the woman who was OK being the OW - for years. You have been fine with skulking around as his second choice, with being secretive and sneaky. If he wanted you as his first choice, he probably would have done it by now. 

His image of you may well be what societal standards say you are, which is a cheater. A cheater is by definition dishonest. You can argue that he is the cheater and not you, but that is not what society thinks. We all see you as someone who lives a lie.


----------



## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

Reading this thread just makes me sad, CP.

You're obviously a smart woman. Yet you're being used.

You say you love him and you can't stop being with him in spite of his cheating, you acknowledge he is poison and this is a bad situation. You are WILLINGLY HURTING YOURSELF by your own admission! Why are you doing this to yourself?

If he loved you as much as he claims, he wouldn't be hurting you like this. He would have left her by now for you, because he would have seen your pain and guilt and wanted to stop it. Why hasn't he?

It makes me so sad to see someone hurt, no matter the circumstances.


----------



## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

I have to admit, I’m quite amused by this visual of a large group of people gathered around a dog in the street trying to explain to the dog the salient points of the Pythagorean Theorum. I understand it must, somehow, be important for you to get your point across despite the dog’s inherent inability to exercise higher mental functions. However, if the crowd doesn’t mind, I’m going to ignore the dog and comment on the original thread premise:



Truthseeker1 said:


> It's so the BS knows eactly what they are forgiving...many WS trickle truth thinking they are either saving their own neck or preventing any further pain for the BS...either way it doesn't work and is not healthy....


“. . . is not healthy” is an extreme understatement.

Almost every WS espouses the noble sentiment that they’re withholding details to save the BS from further pain, but that’s just one more in an almost endless chain of lies they tell themselves. They’re withholding truth to protect themselves from further harm and trying to avoid the full measure of consequences they’ve earned. No other reason. Period.

You knife a person in the back, and instead of removing the knife and administering emergency treatment, you hold the knife in place and tell your victim to stop moving so they won’t hurt themselves any worse. That's your definition of helping your victim?

As long as the lies continue, the adultery continues in your heart. How does one exercise forgiveness toward someone who hasn’t repented?

One doesn't.

Consider my threadjack–to-the-threadjack complete. By all means, people, feel free to resume educating the dog on triangles, but please note: she seems much more inclined to do circles . . .


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Eventually if you throw the dog enough cookies, it might start to notice the circle has three points and isn't looking so round... Not always, but there are cases where an old dog can learn a new trick.

I agree from experience about the TT being about the WS trying to minimize the damage to themselves, it's another selfish move.


----------



## Is It Just Me (Sep 8, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> IF YOU HAVE PROOF TO SHOW, THEN SHOW IT. Stop beating around the bush. Stop trying to push buttons. Just give the information if they are in false R and let HER see it for herself. Let HER decide if she wants to continue in a marriage if her husband is really still in the affair. Stop saying "if she wants it...." Just give it to her and stop needling.


^ x357,437





JustGrinding said:


> I have to admit, I’m quite amused by this visual of a large group of people gathered around a dog in the street trying to explain to the dog the salient points of the Pythagorean Theorum. I understand it must, somehow, be important for you to get your point across despite the dog’s inherent inability to exercise higher mental functions.




This thread is reminding me of this old saying:

http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1331563960843_3703159.png


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

My fWW would never have told me about her PA had I not been obsessive about finding out the facts. I know more details than I want in some areas, but I NEEDED to know what the hell went on with them so I could make my own choices about my own life. Tying myself to her with vows and jewelry wasn't enough for her, and it wasn't enough for me, either. I needed the actual promises to be kept. 

Finding out they met up at least four times, and had sex at least once, two weeks after she took my ring and made those promises was the biggest punch to the balls a man can take. Her not telling me about it, and grinding on me about "rules of a relationship" while she'd broken all of them, was as big a betrayal as the other crap. 

Frankly, that big a lie in a relationship, followed by lies to "keep me from hurting more" was what made me, for the very first and scary time, think about leaving her.


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Would downplaying the affair count as TT, or is it just straight out lying?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Both.

Trickle truth is lying by omission. You are withholding the truth.

Down playing is withholding the truth. Which is still lying by omission.


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Things like intensity of the affair, how often the affair partners had sex and when asked certain questions out and out lied. I get how it would be both TT and lying. But what if it was done to save the bs more pain.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There is no end to the BH imagination. What happened in the affair can not be worse then what he has guessed that happened.

No justification for lying. With the BH already imagining the worse you have not protected the BH.

The WW is just protecting herself from avoiding the pain of her having to recall out loud what she did in her affair and hear it with her own ears.

If the WW banged the OM 10 times or a 100 times. It is just best to say the real number.

Pretty much all sex is enjoyable. So when the BH asks the WW was the sex good a WW wanting to be considerate can truthfully say the sex was good.

The BH did not ask was the OM better. Now if the OM was not only better but the best she ever had the WW was not asked that. No need to tell her BH he came up short in comparison. Unless the BH follows up with asking the WW to say was the OM better, or how good was the OM. BH by his questions gets to control how much info he gets to hear.

The BH may not want to hear how the OM was such a stud. Then the BH may want to know. The WW has to follow her BH's questions as her guide to the level of detail given.


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Well it's hard to go no contact when neither of us want to stop seeing each other. Why can't people wrap their heads around the fact that it is possible to love more then one woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We love many things and people.

The love of a marriage is meant for two people to share.

Two.

Not three.

Wrap your head around that.

Then wrap you head around this. For a BS to heal from an affair they need the whole truth. Recovery will stall and never be finished without the BS getting the full truth.

OW confusing the need for truth as their justification to make sure the BW gets told the full truth. The difference is an OW is using the truth in the hopes that it pushes the BW to divorce her WH.

The OW ratting out the WH to his BW is not being truthful. It is being a snitch. Snitching not to recover and heal the BW marriage but to kill the BW marriage.

The only place for a OW to tell the BW the truth is if after dday the BW calls the OW for the truth. Then and only of the OW can be honest and neutral in telling the truth without any hidden agenda.


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> First off his wife reads these post and I have straight out asked her if she wants the truth and she will not respond. So in doing so why should I tell her what she already knows if she doesn't want full disclosure. If I called her she would just hang up on me. Not everyone wants to know the truth because if she was given proof she would have to change her entire life. She knows very well she is sharing her husband with me but chooses to not even talk to him about it.
> 
> If she want to know the truth she can call me or knock on my door and I will be 100 percent honest. I could put the proof here but it's no one else's business but hers, his and mine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





canuckprincess said:


> Stop claiming to want to know the truth when most can't handle the truth.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Historically the WW/WH/OM/OW can not be trusted to tell the truth about the affair because for the most part they have shown that they have denied they were in the affair, and if did they only lied about the affair.

So for the most part your OMW is not asking you because they do not expect the truth and have no need to her lies.

The second reason is she will not ask you because she does not want to know more then what she has learned.

Remember it is always the BS that gets to control the level of detail that they need to know.


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I want to tell her the truth for so many reasons.
> 1) she has the right to know that it's still going on.
> 2) I need to clear my mind and help life some of the guilt I feel
> 3) I need her to know I'm sorry I'm in live with her husband and I can't seem to stop.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes she does

If you wanted to remove guilt you would stop doing things that make you feel guilty such as banging her WH

You want her to know you are sorry. Nothing says sorry better then to stop doing something (her husband) that is wrong. Then go NC with the OM. (


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Why is it the WH tells his OW for years that he does not want to be married but he never divorces his BW and marry the OW?

WH lie.


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

theroad said:


> Historically the WW/WH/OM/OW can not be trusted to tell the truth about the affair because for the most part they have shown that they have denied they were in the affair, and if did they only lied about the affair.
> 
> So for the most part your OMW is not asking you because they do not expect the truth and have no need to her lies.
> 
> ...


Another reason, why would you want to talk to the AP? Why would you want to hear the voice.. acknowledge them, give them a chance to say anything, good or bad to you.. f them with a sharp stick.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

russell28 said:


> Another reason, why would you want to talk to the AP? Why would you want to hear the voice.. acknowledge them, give them a chance to say anything, good or bad to you.. f them with a sharp stick.


You wouldn't want to talk to the ow/om even if that was the only way to get the truth? 
I've struggled with the idea that many bs would rather live in denial then face the truth right in front of them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> You wouldn't want to talk to the ow/om even if that was the only way to get the truth?
> I've struggled with the idea that many bs would rather live in denial then face the truth right in front of them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because most AP are living in their own world of fantasy and denial as well. My EXH's AP was convinced I was so awful and using the kids against my husband(not true), which is what he told her and she believed it. She professed how much she hated me(even though she'd never met me, only knew about me from what HE told her), so no talking to her would do no good. Although I did try once, I reached out to her with a call, but she never answered so I left a voicemail and told her he was lying to me AND her. Guess what, she, the AP, didn't believe it, that he was lying to her. Took her months after that to figure it out.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

NeverMore said:


> Because most AP are living in their own world of fantasy and denial as well. My EXH's AP was convinced I was so awful and using the kids against my husband(not true), which is what he told her and she believed it. She professed how much she hated me(even though she'd never met me, only knew about me from what HE told her), so no talking to her would do no good. Although I did try once, I reached out to her with a call, but she never answered so I left a voicemail and told her he was lying to me AND her. Guess what, she, the AP, didn't believe it, that he was lying to her. Took her months after that to figure it out.


I can say in all honesty my mm has never said negative things about his wife. That's what makes it hard, he loves us both. I don't know if he says negative things about me. If he does its because she gets upset when he doesn't say he hates me, if he did it would be to make life at home more bearable. If bs ever contacted me I would answer all her questions and if she doubted me I'd share the proof with her. Not because I want to hurt her but because she has a right to know what's going on. 

Would you have wanted to entire truth from ow or was their just certain questions you wanted answered?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> I can say in all honesty my mm has never said negative things about his wife. That's what makes it hard, he loves us both. I don't know if he says negative things about me. If he does its because she gets upset when he doesn't say he hates me, if he did it would be to make life at home more bearable. If bs ever contacted me I would answer all her questions and if she doubted me I'd share the proof with her. Not because I want to hurt her but because she has a right to know what's going on.
> 
> Would you have wanted to entire truth from ow or was their just certain questions you wanted answered?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Yes, I would definitely wanted the whole truth if she would have offered it. But it is hard to trust someone (AP) who knew about me from the very beginning and still chose to do what she did. 
When I secretly recorded the two of them to find out if he was still cheating, she was freaking out on the recording, because she thought I might be on to them since I found old pics on his phone that he hadn't deleted yet from before, she was scared as hell to think I might actually talk to her or confront her. She was actively participated in the deceit as much as he was. 
So in my case I knew from the few candid moments I gathered of her and her cowardice, that she wouldn't offer me anything that I didn't know at that point, which is that my EXH is a liar.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

NeverMore said:


> Yes, I would definitely wanted the whole truth if she would have offered it. But it is hard to trust someone (AP) who knew about me from the very beginning and still chose to do what she did.
> When I secretly recorded the two of them to find out if he was still cheating, she was freaking out on the recording, because she thought I might be on to them since I found old pics on his phone that he hadn't deleted yet from before, she was scared as hell to think I might actually talk to her or confront her. She was actively participated in the deceit as much as he was.
> So in my case I knew from the few candid moments I gathered of her and her cowardice, that she wouldn't offer me anything that I didn't know at that point, which is that my EXH is a liar.


My situation is a little different, ws told bs almost two years ago. I would just hate to be the one to tell her and for her to think I'm lying. I guess I will wait for her to decide how much information she requires.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> My situation is a little different, ws told bs almost two years ago. I would just hate to be the one to tell her and for her to think I'm lying. I guess I will wait for her to decide how much information she requires.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you said that you are positive that he told her. How positive? Did he record it or do it in front of you? The reason I ask is it is highly likely that without solid proof he told her, he most likely lied to you.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> My situation is a little different, ws told bs almost two years ago. I would just hate to be the one to tell her and for her to think I'm lying. I guess I will wait for her to decide how much information she requires.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So.... it's better to try stalking her on TAM, trying to goad her into some kind of confrontation? :scratchhead:

As was stated to you earlier, give her all the proof and let her decide what she wants to do from there. Don't keep saying you will give it to her if she asks for it. If you were truly feeling sorry for her...if you were truly sorry for hurting her... you would walk away. You would give her what you claim to have. Yet, you have not. Honestly? It seems more like "all talk, no action" IMO.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

NeverMore said:


> I think you said that you are positive that he told her. How positive? Did he record it or do it in front of you? The reason I ask is it is highly likely that without solid proof he told her, he most likely lied to you.


I am 110% sure he told her, I've seen the proof.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> So.... it's better to try stalking her on TAM, trying to goad her into some kind of confrontation? :scratchhead:
> 
> As was stated to you earlier, give her all the proof and let her decide what she wants to do from there. Don't keep saying you will give it to her if she asks for it. If you were truly feeling sorry for her...if you were truly sorry for hurting her... you would walk away. You would give her what you claim to have. Yet, you have not. Honestly? It seems more like "all talk, no action" IMO.


What if she doesn't truly want the truth? That's where I'm struggling. 
I am sorry we are hurting her, I have no intention of walking away. I am in love with him, so why would I walk away?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> What if she doesn't truly want the truth? That's where I'm struggling.
> I am sorry we are hurting her, *I have no intention of walking away.* I am in love with him, so why would I walk away?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you really think she wants you stalking her? Because that is exactly what you are doing. You are stalking her on TAM. You are claiming to have info you want to give her. You aren't really struggling with sharing whatever you claim to have. How do i know this? The part in bold above. You are only thinking of YOU and what YOU want. That much is evident in all you have said. "I have this proof, but I'm only giving it to her if she asks for it."..."I know she comes here, so I am going to post here so she will read it and wonder if she is really in R"... that's a passive aggressive approach, fyi. "Why would I walk away? I love him. I have no intention of letting go of a man who has already decided he is staying with his wife." Princess, all this says is that you feel entitled. The thing is... you're not. You are not entitled to his affections. You are not entitled to her attention. You just aren't. If you TRULY believe you have FACTS to show her, then just send it to her. The thing is... I'll be honest here. I don't believe you. I don't believe it's true that the affair is ongoing. I don't believe it's true that you have proof that it is. I just don't believe what you're saying. And it's not because you are an OW. I've been BS, WS, and OW all around the same time frame. And you want to know something? I KNEW OM was burying emails so his BW wouldn't find them. When it ended, and my husband and I chose to work things out, I told him everything. I told him about emails, texts, etc. And, yes, BW was informed of them. It was requested that they be deleted, but I have no idea if they were. My point is that if you truly feel as sorry as you claim you would stop hurting her and just give her this "proof". You keep beating around the bush...hence, my reason for believing you are not truthful.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Do you really think she wants you stalking her? Because that is exactly what you are doing. You are stalking her on TAM. You are claiming to have info you want to give her. You aren't really struggling with sharing whatever you claim to have. How do i know this? The part in bold above. You are only thinking of YOU and what YOU want. That much is evident in all you have said. "I have this proof, but I'm only giving it to her if she asks for it."..."I know she comes here, so I am going to post here so she will read it and wonder if she is really in R"... that's a passive aggressive approach, fyi. "Why would I walk away? I love him. I have no intention of letting go of a man who has already decided he is staying with his wife." Princess, all this says is that you feel entitled. The thing is... you're not. You are not entitled to his affections. You are not entitled to her attention. You just aren't. If you TRULY believe you have FACTS to show her, then just send it to her. The thing is... I'll be honest here. I don't believe you. I don't believe it's true that the affair is ongoing. I don't believe it's true that you have proof that it is. I just don't believe what you're saying. And it's not because you are an OW. I've been BS, WS, and OW all around the same time frame. And you want to know something? I KNEW OM was burying emails so his BW wouldn't find them. When it ended, and my husband and I chose to work things out, I told him everything. I told him about emails, texts, etc. And, yes, BW was informed of them. It was requested that they be deleted, but I have no idea if they were. My point is that if you truly feel as sorry as you claim you would stop hurting her and just give her this "proof". You keep beating around the bush...hence, my reason for believing you are not truthful.


Thank you for your input and I know what I need to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Thank you for your input and I know what I need to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sigh...you knew a long time ago.... you just chose not to do it.


----------



## hellosp (Jul 14, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Thank you for your input and I know what I need to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now that you know what you have to do (which is?)... will you actually do it? 

I want to know why she has to ask you for the proof? Why can't you just give it to her, without her prompting? Just give it to her! Are you scared of something? Why can't you just Woman up and do the deed? Are you worried that he will leave you?

Can I ask (and get an actual answer): What proof did you see that he told her about your affair?

It's really sad that someone is willing to be the other for years and years. Yikes.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

hellosp said:


> Now that you know what you have to do (which is?)... will you actually do it?
> 
> I want to know why she has to ask you for the proof? Why can't you just give it to her, without her prompting? Just give it to her! Are you scared of something? Why can't you just Woman up and do the deed? Are you worried that he will leave you?
> 
> ...


I'm not worried that he will leave me, if he does that's his choice. I know he told her because of her postings on here. I wasn't planning on being the ow for years it just seemed to happen. Days turned into months and months into years. Why would a bs choose to share their ws for 2 years post dday? Silly question I know, but I've wondered why.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> You wouldn't want to talk to the ow/om even if that was the only way to get the truth?
> I've struggled with the idea that many bs would rather live in denial then face the truth right in front of them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Known cheating and lying people do not make creditable witnesses.

Past experience has shown that OM/OW when given the opportunity to be honest refuse to do so. Making contact on the BS's part a waste of time.


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> What if she doesn't truly want the truth? That's where I'm struggling.
> I am sorry we are hurting her, I have no intention of walking away. I am in love with him, so why would I walk away?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Proof that you are motivated to tell the BW things to get her to end her marriage and leave the WH free for you.

The BS has no basis to trust the AP ever.

The BS shared a time when they had trust for the WS. By the WS being honest after dday the trust gets slowly repaired.

No incentive or need for the BS to ever trust the AP. You do not want to expose. Exposure is used to kill an affair.

What you want to do is snitch on the WH so BW will divorce him.

You want to snitch?

Do you realize that you want to rat out the man you love?

Do you realize that you want to marry a man that is a cheater?


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I'm not worried that he will leave me, if he does that's his choice. I know he told her because of her postings on here. I wasn't planning on being the ow for years it just seemed to happen. Days turned into months and months into years. Why would a bs choose to share their ws for 2 years post dday? Silly question I know, but I've wondered why.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Duh?

Duh, again incase you did not get it the first time.

You take the word of a known liar and cheater as gospel?

How do you knot know he's not lying to you so he can just keep on getting some strange?


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

theroad said:


> Known cheating and lying people do not make creditable witnesses.
> 
> Past experience has shown that OM/OW when given the opportunity to be honest refuse to do so. Making contact on the BS's part a waste of time.


I have made it very clear to mm that I will not lie to anyone including his wife. I have no reason to downplay or lie about the relationship. Quite simply put, I don't lie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

theroad said:


> Duh?
> 
> Duh, again incase you did not get it the first time.
> 
> ...


Lying to me about what? I'm not quite sure what he could be lying to me about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

I truly feel like I'm beating a dead horse with some of the narrow minded people in this crazy world.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I have made it very clear to mm that I will not lie to anyone including his wife. I have no reason to downplay or lie about the relationship. Quite simply put, I don't lie.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Except that you are lying (if you're telling the truth about the affair still going on). You are lying by omission, if, as you claim, you are still having sex with her husband.



canuckprincess said:


> I truly feel like I'm beating a dead horse with some of the narrow minded people in this crazy world.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes. Dead horses. I have noticed a lot of horse beating here... but I suspect we are not talking about the same horse.


----------



## jay_gatsby (Jun 4, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> I truly feel like I'm beating a dead horse with some of the narrow minded people in this crazy world.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


CP, this reminds me of that Showtime series... Polyamory. Is that what you want? I believe in that show, all the parties involved are in agreement though... It does not seem like it is in yours. Maybe you should convince your MM to divorce his present W and find someone of like mind?


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

jay_gatsby said:


> CP, this reminds me of that Showtime series... Polyamory. Is that what you want? I believe in that show, all the parties involved are in agreement though... It does not seem like it is in yours. *Maybe you should convince your MM to divorce his present W and find someone of like mind?*


:rofl:

Yea, THAT'S not gonna happen.... good joke though!


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Yea, THAT'S not gonna happen.... good joke though!


And you know that's not gonna happen, how? Are you one of those bs that sticks their heads in the sand after dday and look the other way while your spouse continues to cheat?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

jay_gatsby said:


> CP, this reminds me of that Showtime series... Polyamory. Is that what you want? I believe in that show, all the parties involved are in agreement though... It does not seem like it is in yours. Maybe you should convince your MM to divorce his present W and find someone of like mind?


That's what mm was hoping for when he told his wife about me 2 years ago. She was against it you might say. Lmfao
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Except that you are lying (if you're telling the truth about the affair still going on). You are lying by omission, if, as you claim, you are still having sex with her husband.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes. Dead horses. I have noticed a lot of horse beating here... but I suspect we are not talking about the same horse.


Lying by omission are friggen kidding me, I owe her nothing. I choose to want to be honest with her. Last time I checked I didn't break my vows to her, so why should an ow be held to a higher level then a ws.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> And you know that's not gonna happen, how? Are you one of those bs that sticks their heads in the sand after dday and look the other way while your spouse continues to cheat?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope. Not at all. See, my own situation was EA, no PA. We are, literally, together 24/7. When we are not, then at least one of our kids, or other family members, are around. So, no, dear girl, I do not stick my head in the sand. Nor do I cater to bunny boilers.

Seriously, if what you are feeding us were true, you would be telling her, rather than hoping she will read it on here. So...tell her. Why haven't you? Because she has verified everything since dday, and you know this. You know there is nothing to tell her. You keep trying to push buttons with her, but it only works if she buys into what you're saying. You say you have proof, yet show none of it. You think you will get her to walk away from him so you can have him all to yourself. Yea, keep telling yourself that. You might actually get someone to believe it.


You have yourself a good night there, princess.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Lying by omission are friggen kidding me, I owe her nothing. I choose to want to be honest with her. Last time I checked I didn't break my vows to her, so why should an ow be held to a higher level then a ws.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Never said you were held higher, sweetie. I said you are lying by not telling her. You know this is true. You just figure that if you say nothing, you can pretend you are being honest.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Nope. Not at all. See, my own situation was EA, no PA. We are, literally, together 24/7. When we are not, then at least one of our kids, or other family members, are around. So, no, dear girl, I do not stick my head in the sand. Nor do I cater to bunny boilers.
> 
> Seriously, if what you are feeding us were true, you would be telling her, rather than hoping she will read it on here. So...tell her. Why haven't you? Because she has verified everything since dday, and you know this. You know there is nothing to tell her. You keep trying to push buttons with her, but it only works if she buys into what you're saying. You say you have proof, yet show none of it. You think you will get her to walk away from him so you can have him all to yourself. Yea, keep telling yourself that. You might actually get someone to believe it.
> 
> ...


So what's it like to be married to a person you have to babysit? You keep your spouse prisoner? 
Haven't you heard where there's a will there's a way. So I take it you or your spouse don't work? 

Does your spouse resent you for not allowing them to breathe? If not they will. 

Unlike you I'm not in denial, I know the truth. You mean nothing to me so I have nothing to prove to you or anyone else in denial!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> So what's it like to be married to a person you have to babysit? You keep your spouse prisoner?
> Haven't you heard where there's a will there's a way. So I take it you or your spouse don't work?
> 
> Does your spouse resent you for not allowing them to breathe? If not they will.
> ...


I don't have to babysit him. We choose to spend our time together. Neither of us is able to work, so no, we do not work. But see, it was when we were NOT doing things together that we had the problems. 

Not allowing him to breathe? Please.  
He's the one who chooses most of the things we do each day. Nice try, hon. 

Denial? What exactly am I in denial about? I'm in denial about the fact that the BW of the man you were seeing knows that he isn't seeing you? I'm in denial about the fact that you actually don't have any proof and that you are just trying to scare her?

Or do you mean I am in denial about the fact that my husband, like the man you were seeing, chose his wife over the OW? It's ok to be upset that you were second choice, but to lash out at me because my husband chose me over the OW who lived over 1000 miles away, much like the WH chose his BW over you? Sorry, I don't see why you would need to lash out at me for talking with his wife. 

But, as has been repeated, many times over, tell her if there is anything to tell. Show her.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I don't have to babysit him. We choose to spend our time together. Neither of us is able to work, so no, we do not work. But see, it was when we were NOT doing things together that we had the problems.
> 
> Not allowing him to breathe? Please.
> He's the one who chooses most of the things we do each day. Nice try, hon.
> ...



I have nothing to prove to you. Period end of post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I have nothing to prove to you. Period end of post.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're right. You have nothing to prove to me. You have nothing to prove to anyone on this forum. But you and I both know that it's a lie to claim to be honest if you are still having sex with a married man. And, it's kinda sad to stalk a BS on a marriage forum. You know that as well, though.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> You're right. You have nothing to prove to me. You have nothing to prove to anyone on this forum. But you and I both know that it's a lie to claim to be honest if you are still having sex with a married man. And, it's kinda sad to stalk a BS on a marriage forum. You know that as well, though.


Not too worry she stalks me on Facebook and loveshack so I guess all is fair in love and war.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hellosp (Jul 14, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Not too worry she stalks me on Facebook and loveshack so I guess all is fair in love and war.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As a continual lurker on LS (I don't post anymore), didn't YOU say that you didn't know whether she read your posts on there or not? So which is it? She stalks you there, or you don't know?

Goodness. You seem to get some of your stories tangled up on here. 

It seems like you embellish a LOT of the things you say on here and Loveshack...

And I'm still wondering why YOU wont just give her the truth? Why does she have to ask you? Are you afraid of something?


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

hellosp said:


> As a continual lurker on LS (I don't post anymore), didn't YOU say that you didn't know whether she read your posts on there or not? So which is it? She stalks you there, or you don't know?
> 
> Goodness. You seem to get some of your stories tangled up on here.
> 
> ...


Of course I'm afraid, I'm afraid of the boogie man!


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I have made it very clear to mm that I will not lie to anyone including his wife. I have no reason to downplay or lie about the relationship. Quite simply put, I don't lie.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was speaking in general why BS do not and are told not to bother talking with the AP.

Now you claim to be honest. I can not prove or disprove your statement. Though you want a known cheater to get a free pass and have her every word believed. You think that there is no way the BW can doubt your words.


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Lying to me about what? I'm not quite sure what he could be lying to me about.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Anything that the WH is saying to his BW about you and the affair.

Notice the WH is still staying married to his BW?


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Lying by omission are friggen kidding me, I owe her nothing. I choose to want to be honest with her. Last time I checked I didn't break my vows to her, so why should an ow be held to a higher level then a ws.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:roflid I see you on the comedy channel last night?:rofl:

You are being held to the same standard as the WH.

The problem with the WH is that he choses to wallow in the mud.

The problem with you is that you chose to wallow in the mud and use the monkey see monkey do defense instead of pulling your self up.

Two wrongs do not make a right.

Yes three left turns will make a right turn. But nothing to do with being right.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

theroad said:


> :roflid I see you on the comedy channel last night?:rofl:
> 
> You are being held to the same standard as the WH.
> 
> ...


Thanks for laughing at my pain, hope it makes you feel warm in fuzzy inside.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

theroad said:


> Anything that the WH is saying to his BW about you and the affair.
> 
> Notice the WH is still staying married to his BW?


Yes and what I also notice is mm is still seeing me, what's your point? There is a difference between saving the marriage and staying in the marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Yes and what I also notice is mm is still seeing me, what's your point? There is a difference between saving the marriage and staying in the marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He wants his marriage, family, wife, and whatever else he would have to lose if he was to get a divorce.

He is not willing to lose any of that.

How do I know?

Because you are not worth more to him then what ever it is that he does not want to give up to have you full time.

You are a side line free bee.

You will not admit that because you will then have to admit you are being used. That you have wasted all this time.

There have been many an OW that gave up her 20's to her MM. Then her 30's. Then one day menopause. She realizes that she loss that she never will be able to have her own kids. The MM is still with his BW. They have a second home. They spend time with the grand kids now. Less time for them.

They sit in their 60's sad, no husband, no grand kids, no one to be there when her health fails.

Admit what you did was wrong. Let go of the lie. Learn to have a healthy relationship.

Giving all to a man that only gives you crumbs. Sad. Go ahead hit social security alone.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Yes and the entire time the happy couple are living a lie, thanks but if those are my choices I choose to die alone!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I want to tell her the truth for so many reasons.
> 1) she has the right to know that it's still going on.
> 2) I need to clear my mind and help life some of the guilt I feel
> 3) I need her to know I'm sorry I'm in live with her husband and I can't seem to stop.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What are you going to do if one day the wife wakes up and decides she is going to go ahead a try something different to solve her problems? People kill for less. What do you suppose the situation is doing for her mental state? You feel no need to practice any self control, what if she decides she doesn't need to either?


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

SadandAngry said:


> What are you going to do if one day the wife wakes up and decides she is going to go ahead a try something different to solve her problems? People kill for less. What do you suppose the situation is doing for her mental state? You feel no need to practice any self control, what if she decides she doesn't need to either?


Oh my I never thought about that, I guess I better stop the relationship right this moment. Thank you for you incredible insight, I don't know what I'd do with all your wisdom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Vulcanized (Aug 13, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Yes and the entire time the happy *couple are living a lie*, thanks but if those are my choices I choose to die alone!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you are just chaffing under the knowledge that you've been used for so long and that MM has no intention of leaving. Your best (only) bet is that she kicks him to the curb, and _then_ you will get him. By default. Maybe.

You know that you are #2, and more than likely won't get promoted. I'd say _you_ are living a lie.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Vulcanized said:


> I think you are just chaffing under the knowledge that you've been used for so long and that MM has no intention of leaving. Your best (only) bet is that she kicks him to the curb, and _then_ you will get him. By default. Maybe.
> 
> You know that you are #2, and more than likely won't get promoted. I'd say _you_ are living a lie.


I'm curious as to why you think I'm being used? Here's a thought maybe I'm the one using mm. Ya that's right I use him for his friendship amazing conversation and incredible sex. So really are you sure I'm being used? Also what makes everyone think that all ow/ om want a full time relationship? I'm not a needy person, I don't need him to keep a roof over my head or kill spiders for me. What he loves most about me is my independence. Not all men think needy broken woman are a turn on, confident woman are very hot!!!

I'm not looking for a promotion, I love my current position.


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Reconciling after an affair- three mistakes the cheater makes*



canuckprincess said:


> Not too worry she stalks me on Facebook and loveshack so I guess all is fair in love and war.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How would you know? You don't have love and it seems to me that this war is over and you lost. This is very sad. The rationalization hamster is strong in this one.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

bfree said:


> How would you know? You don't have love and it seems to me that this war is over and you lost. This is very sad. The rationalization hamster is strong in this one.


I know because a little birdie told me. I don't have love? How would you know what I have or don't have?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I know because a little birdie told me. I don't have love? How would you know what I have or don't have?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because I've read your posts and judging from what you've said and my experience dealing with others in your type of situation its fairly obvious. You think you have love....you don't. What you have is infatuation fueled by competition. And since he will never leave his wife you are on the outside looking in. Therefore the war (if there ever was one) is over. You lost.

But you won't listen. You won't turn your gaze inward and examine your life for what it has become. You won't work to discover what it is in your life that you are missing that allowed you to sink to this level. You will continue to rationalize and throw out smokecreens because in the short term it hurts less and allows you to run away from the difficult issues that you will eventually have to face.

And as for that little bird, haven't you ever thought where the phrase bird brained came from? It's because birds aren't that bright and if you're listening to one maybe you should consider listening to people who have a little more intelligence.

I truly am sorry for you because you are missing out on so much in life by wasting your time with such a selfish jerk.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

I truly am sorry for you because you are missing out on so much in life by wasting your time with such a selfish jerk.[/QUOTE]

Hmmm interesting, isn't the bs also wasting her life on a "selfish jerk". If I decide to end my relationship it will be because my needs are not being met not because someone tells me it's not right. At this moment in time my needs are being fulfilled. I'm not wasting my time, or letting life pass me by.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I'm curious as to why you think I'm being used?


Because you are only getting half the loaf.


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I know because a little birdie told me. I don't have love? How would you know what I have or don't have?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We know that you have to share him.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

theroad said:


> We know that you have to share him.


I've never had a problem sharing my toys Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

theroad said:


> Because you are only getting half the loaf.


That's perfect cause I'm on a reduced carb diet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

I understand. You are using humor to deflect because the discussion is uncomfortable. I'm sorry that your self esteem is so low that you accept breadcrumbs when you should be looking for a satisfying meal.



canuckprincess said:


> At this moment in time my needs are being fulfilled. I'm not wasting my time, or letting life pass me by.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why do you believe your needs are so insignificant that they are being fulfilled with such little effort from a part time paramour? Why do you feel your life is so trivial as to waste it in such a manner? You are worth more than this.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Hmmm interesting, isn't the bs also wasting her life on a "selfish jerk".


Yes but obviously he wants to be with her or get something from her and the marriage as he originally picked her to marry and decides to stay married. If he really wanted you he would have left the BS already to be with you. Using her as your defense and an example to fight off others arguments is useless. Tell her to come her and then we can all tell her the same thing that everyone is telling you about leaving (minus the part about the low morals and unscrupulousness for ruining another's life and family). SHe also has financial and other obligations to possiblly lose that you don't. Does it make her reason more valid? No, but it does make the situation different. SHe can't just leave without financial and other issues being resolved and the cost to do so. You can.


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

This is probably a waste of time and energy but, of course the bs is being used, wasting her time, blah, blah, blah. She isn't the one posting on the thread though. You are. The advice and opinions are for you. Not her. Why do you keep dragging her into it. You can't control anything she does (which relates to my previous post, she's human, and they are capable of horrific ****, but I digress). You can't control the ws either. You can only try to control yourself. Most people here get that. Most people also get that it isn't really in one's own self interest to act as selfishly and self absorbed as you say you do. You say you share your toys well, did that apply to the guy who cheated on you? Do you think that everyone shares as well as you do? You obviously couldn't give a ****, and maybe you won't ever have to. I think you could be worth more too, and that your situation could be orders of magnitude better, but who am I to say, just some anonymous schmuck on an internet forum, right?


----------



## Is It Just Me (Sep 8, 2012)

Does anyone else feel like they are on some internet version of the tv show 'Punked' with this thread or is it just me?


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I've never had a problem sharing my toys Lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





canuckprincess said:


> That's perfect cause I'm on a reduced carb diet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This the proof that you do not know how to have a healthy relationship.

You are not clever, funny, witty, except at fooling yourself.

Please find a good IC.


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I haven't posted for a long time. But this situation has me concerned.

CP, doesn't anyone in your life love you enough to confront you about how unstable your thinking and behavior has become? I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you weren't crazy before this affair twisted your heart and mind. 

He's lied to you. He lies to you. Any person who is in an affair with someone who is messed up like you is going to lie to them. You are threatening to his entire world. Do you think he doesn't know what you're doing and how bunny boiler it is? 

She's not acknowledging you. What's to acknowledge? She knows the truth. She lives it.

Her truth also lives with a crazy woman stalking her and trying to wreck the same universe you're trying to wreck for her husband.

Love and truth. Ponder these words and do your best to reconcile them with your thinking and behavior. I hope they will help you come back to reality (truth) and to get help for your problems and to exit the relationship so you can heal. So everyone can heal.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

theroad said:


> This the proof that you do not know how to have a healthy relationship.
> 
> You are not clever, funny, witty, except at fooling yourself.
> 
> Please find a good IC.


How am I fooling myself?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

canuckprincess said:


> I am truly sorry for those that were affected by me using this forum to let someone what's truly going on. It wasn't meant to hurt any bs or ws that are truly in R.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dear Canuk.
I haven't read all your threads, or indeed am I very interested in reading them. I will tell you a little story instead.

A very dear friend of mine fell in love with a man who was married. His wife knew about them from early on and did her level best to ignore them, disrupt them and push her away.

He told my friend how much he loved her that their was nothing between him and his wife, that they barely had sex, the marriage was a sham. When they met it was intense and delicious, there were dreams shared, plans made and everything they did together felt right. Apart from that the sex was amazing and every time they met, they felt as if they were true soul-mates who were only separated by circumstance. 

The flowers were delivered out of the blue for no reason, he was attentive and happy around her. When he was there. 

Of course she couldn't really call him, or drop in on him at home because of the difficult situation he was in. So she waited for him to call. She was always waiting, sitting in parking lots for the coast to be clear and then he would arrive, all smiles, genuine smiles, and she would be filled with love.
Then he would be gone again and again she would be waiting. 

My friend asked him if he would leave his wife , what was stopping him? He happily agreed to since there were no children there was no reason! 
She was happy, she found a house they could live in and they went to visit it. She had the lease in her hand. The future was bright and at last the waiting was over.

I don't know the details of the next little bit, it is simply too painful for her to re-visit but he said no to moving in. He couldn't leave the wife at the moment. He simply couldn't do it.
She went away for a few weeks determined not to wait anymore. 

Her heart was smashed into a thousand pieces, the pain of loss deep .It scared her.

When she came back to her little house she had leased with her lover, it was filled with flowers. There were apologies on every card, promises about the future.
She stood in that house and in that moment she felt worthless. He was not there. 

Only a promise that she wait some more. She wept but when he called, she did not answer. When he dropped by one night at the house that was meant to be theirs she asked him to leave. He had offered so much but had delivered to her only pain and uncertainty.

She ended it. Over the weeks and months that followed she regained her self respect and looked hard at her own actions. She has never forgiven herself and probably never will. She recovered though, many years later he still tries to contact her, to see if she is still waiting. She isn't. 
The man she loved so much, who promised her a life together?

He is still married, they had three children and live in a nice house .

Canuk. Don't waste your life on this man. You deserve a real man. A man who actions show that he truly loves you. 

If his wife is reading this. Ditch him. Send him to her.He is no longer good enough for you. 

Either way. Both women deserve more than this weak and shallow man. It is pathetic. Real men do not waiver.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

ing said:


> Dear Canuk.
> I haven't read all your threads, or indeed am I very interested in reading them. I will tell you a little story instead.
> 
> A very dear friend of mine fell in love with a man who was married. His wife knew about them from early on and did her level best to ignore them, disrupt them and push her away.
> ...


Thank you for taking the time to share your story about your friend. Your post is about the only helpful post I've read. I'm curious how long was you friend with the mm and how long before the tears stopped flowing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Many posters are giving you the same message CP. If you read the posts, I mean really read them, and think about them, rather than getting defensive, snarky, trying to be witty or putting up a front. If you are open and honest, a lot the posters here will do their level best to give you good advice and opinions (some will even do it in a nicer way). Some will still take shots, but you are a big girl, no? And like I said, if you really read the posts, even those loaded with attitude are saying you ought to be worth more than you are accepting in your situation.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

SadandAngry said:


> Many posters are giving you the same message CP. If you read the posts, I mean really read them, and think about them, rather than getting defensive, snarky, trying to be witty or putting up a front. If you are open and honest, a lot the posters here will do their level best to give you good advice and opinions (some will even do it in a nicer way). Some will still take shots, but you are a big girl, no? And like I said, if you really read the posts, even those loaded with attitude are saying you ought to be worth more than you are accepting in your situation.


Yes some have said helpful things but some have been down right abusive. My relationship isn't a short term or one night stand. It's hard to walk away when I'm in love with him. Do I know being in love with a mm is toxic, well of course but it doesn't make me love him less. I'm hoping in the near future to be able to ignore the phone calls and texts but I have a lot going on in my life and he is my friend and my shoulder to lean on when I need it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

canuckprincess said:


> I know because a little birdie told me. I don't have love? How would you know what I have or don't have?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you had love, you would not be here. You are here because you are scared you just wasted years of your life on a man who has not, and never will, leave his wife for you.

You do need love. Like we all do. 
Go find someone who will give it to you. Your shortchanging yourself. It's mistake number one.
"He loves both of us."
Errr no. He doesn't. He lives with the woman he loves. Your a bit on the side.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

ing said:


> If you had love, you would not be here. You are here because you are scared you just wasted years of your life on a man who has not, and never will, leave his wife for you.
> 
> You do need love. Like we all do.
> Go find someone who will give it to you. Your shortchanging yourself. It's mistake number one.
> ...


If what you say is true and he really loves his wife then why is he continuing to betray her? Your first post was helpful but telling me he doesn't love me well you don't know that and nor do I. As for him leaving his wife, I never asked him to leave her. I like living alone in my house so for me it's perfect in that regards.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

canuckprincess said:


> Thank you for taking the time to share your story about your friend. Your post is about the only helpful post I've read. I'm curious how long was you friend with the mm and how long before the tears stopped flowing?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I won't go into too much more detail but it was many years. It was many years of tears too. 
It was brutal, because she realized that she too had been betrayed. All the plans, all the promises, all the " I love you's" were lies. He didn't think he was lying. 
But he was.

All her lies fell in on her at the same time and she was mortified. She is a smart woman but her brain had tricked her into the idea of a love that requires sacrifice, everything was complicated and intricate. 

But the horrible truth is that the man she loved so much does did not love her enough.
This is the worst think about a Long term affair. There is investment in the affair itself. People become used to the drama and the excitement. In the end though who are you cheating? 

Just one person. Yourself. Your life ticks away. Your chance of a family with a man who really loves you receeds. The available pool of men who you really want to be with shrinks as you waste your years with someone who can never quiet "get there". Always an excuse. Always "after this" or "after that"
I know you have taken a beating here, but it is from people who are not only betrayed but have betrayed. It is people who are trying to save you any more pain than you are in now. 

The pain must stop. You know it. You also know in your heart of hearts that you have lost. 

It is time to end it. Face that enormous pain and start to live your life while you still have a chance at love. 

As my friend did so many years ago. 
Has she found love again? Yes. She has.

I love her. 
I love her for having the courage to face her past and not hide. 
I love her for the courage it takes on your first date to say. "
There is something you need to know about me"

Take the leap away. It will hurt but in the end perhaps you will find love that is real and just for you.
Like my friend did.


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

I wouldn't say cp has lost, in reality mm is no prize after all. It's very likely that CP has done more in her head to build up mm as an ideal, as a soul mate, as a great partner, than he will ever live up to. The reality from the outside, from what little we know even, is bleak.


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

canuckprincess said:


> If what you say is true and he really loves his wife then why is he continuing to betray her? Your first post was helpful but telling me he doesn't love me well you don't know that and nor do I. _Posted via Mobile Device_


The point is. You should be secure in that love. You really shouldn't have to guess about it!



> As for him leaving his wife, I never asked him to leave her. I like living alone in my house so for me it's perfect in that regards.


Living on your own is fine. I rather like it too now. Why is it okay that he goes home to another woman though? Aren't you worth more respect that that?


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> If what you say is true and he really loves his wife then why is he continuing to betray her? Your first post was helpful but telling me he doesn't love me well you don't know that and nor do I. As for him leaving his wife, I never asked him to leave her. I like living alone in my house so for me it's perfect in that regards.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What he has isn't love. You don't do that to a person you love. He doesn't even love, or respect himself, his actions reveal that. (Using the term love in the sense you seem to be meaning).

He is using her, and he is using you. You are using him. It would seem he needs what he gets from being married to her more than what he gets from you. I'm curious, would it change things for you if mm took on a third?


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Reconciling after an affair- three mistakes the cheater makes*



canuckprincess said:


> Yes some have said helpful things but some have been down right abusive. My relationship isn't a short term or one night stand. It's hard to walk away when I'm in love with him. Do I know being in love with a mm is toxic, well of course but it doesn't make me love him less. I'm hoping in the near future to be able to ignore the phone calls and texts but I have a lot going on in my life and he is my friend and my shoulder to lean on when I need it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Contrary to the song lyrics love is not all you need. You also need respect, honesty and commitment. You do not have all of these which makes your relationship a one way street. Your paramour has all of these and at least a great majority is provided by his wife which is why he'll never leave her for you. But what is sad is that you could find someone who would provide you with love, honesty, respect and commitment but you never will so long as you are wasting your time with this selfish man.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

bfree said:


> Contrary to the song lyrics love is not all you need. You also need respect, honesty and commitment. You do not have all of these which makes your relationship a one way street. Your paramour has all of these and at least a great majority is provided by his wife which is why he'll never leave her for you. But what is sad is that you could find someone who would provide you with love, honesty, respect and commitment but you never will so long as you are wasting your time with this selfish man.


Yesterday after reading a post by another poster I was considering sitting mm down and telling him that I can't do this any longer but after reading your post screw it I'm gonna fight for what I want. That's right I don't mind the crumbs because the crumbs are more then most bs get. At least I get honesty from him. Unlike some mm he doesn't just tell me what I want to hear. Oh and guess what I don't need him to move in so the sex, conversation and dates I get with him are more then most could hope for. Remember he's not cheating on me, I know he goes home to his wife and I truthfully don't care if they have sex so why should I leave. Oh because some scorned bs can't control their life so they feel the need to try and control others . Thanks to you I'm here for the long haul.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Reconciling after an affair- three mistakes the cheater makes*



canuckprincess said:


> Yesterday after reading a post by another poster I was considering sitting mm down and telling him that I can't do this any longer but after reading your post screw it I'm gonna fight for what I want. That's right I don't mind the crumbs because the crumbs are more then most bs get. At least I get honesty from him. Unlike some mm he doesn't just tell me what I want to hear. Oh and guess what I don't need him to move in so the sex, conversation and dates I get with him are more then most could hope for. Remember he's not cheating on me, I know he goes home to his wife and I truthfully don't care if they have sex so why should I leave. Oh because some scorned bs can't control their life so they feel the need to try and control others . Thanks to you I'm here for the long haul.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Still bargaining huh? Ok, have a nice life.


----------



## hellosp (Jul 14, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Yesterday after reading a post by another poster I was considering sitting mm down and telling him that I can't do this any longer but after reading your post screw it *I'm gonna fight for what I want.* That's right I don't mind the crumbs because the crumbs are more then most bs get. At least I get honesty from him. Unlike some mm he doesn't just tell me what I want to hear. Oh and guess what I don't need him to move in so the sex, conversation and dates I get with him are more then most could hope for. Remember he's not cheating on me, I know he goes home to his wife and I truthfully don't care if they have sex so why should I leave. Oh because some scorned bs can't control their life so they feel the need to try and control others . Thanks to you I'm here for the long haul.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL what are you fighting for, exactly? To be the Other Woman for the rest of your life? Girl, ain't nobody fighting for that spot but you, so have at it. It's just pretty sad, in my opinion, that you don't mind the crumbs or only ever being the OW. I guess it suits you, though.

Also, I don't believe you were ever considering going to sit MM down and tell him that you couldn't do it anymore...Yeah, right.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

hellosp said:


> LOL what are you fighting for, exactly? To be the Other Woman for the rest of your life? Girl, ain't nobody fighting for that spot but you, so have at it. It's just pretty sad, in my opinion, that you don't mind the crumbs or only ever being the OW. I guess it suits you, though.
> 
> Also, I don't believe you were ever considering going to sit MM down and tell him that you couldn't do it anymore...Yeah, right.


Yes, all I need at this moment in life is a part time relationship so things work well withy schedule. As for the crumbs, I get far more then crumbs. But your not gonna believe me because most people in this world think that their way and only their way is the right way. Being the ow works for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Yes, all I need at this moment in life is a part time relationship so things work well withy schedule. As for the crumbs, I get far more then crumbs. But your not gonna believe me because most people in this world think that their way and only their way is the right way. Being the ow works for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You sound like an addict that keeps saying "I can handle it." Who are you trying to convince...us or yourself?


----------



## baseballplayer (Aug 19, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> I feel terrible that the bs is hurting, if you knew me you would know I'm 100 percent honest. I have zero reason to lie, I mean zero!.......I'm sure he wouldn't be happy about it, but it won't be a deal breaker for us......I know this relationship is toxic for all of us but I can't seem to break free. .....I'm not being deceptive, I'm not lying to anyone......I choose to want to be honest with her.


How you can believe that you are 100% honest??????? Not being deceptive? But you still wont tell bs that she's in false r???? As long as your a ow you are NOT 100% honest.



canuckprincess said:


> Also what makes everyone think that all ow/ om want a full time relationship? I'm not a needy person, I don't need him to keep a roof over my head or kill spiders for me. I'm not looking for a promotion, I love my current position......At this moment in time my needs are being fulfilled.......I'm hoping in the near future to be able to ignore the phone calls and texts.......I never asked him to leave her. I like living alone in my house so for me it's perfect in that regards.


vs:



canuckprincess said:


> screw it I'm gonna fight for what I want.


Hey wait didnt you just insist you already HAVE what you want???? :rofl: :bunny: :bunny:


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

She's not continuing with her paramour because it satisfies her needs. She's going to remain the other woman out of fear.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

bfree said:


> She's not continuing with her paramour because it satisfies her needs. She's going to remain the other woman out of fear.


Care to share what my fears are?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Care to share what my fears are?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sure there are many but let's start with fear that you aren't good enough for a man that is willing to be in a full time comitted relationship with you. Let's proceed next to fear that you won't be able to hold up your end of such a relationship. And how about we end today's sharing session with fear of being betrayed by a man you have given your entire being to.


----------



## hellosp (Jul 14, 2013)

bfree said:


> I'm sure there are many but let's start with fear that you aren't good enough for a man that is willing to be in a full time comitted relationship with you. Let's proceed next to fear that you won't be able to hold up your end of such a relationship. And how about we end today's sharing session with fear of being betrayed by a man you have given your entire being to.


To add, I believe her biggest fear is knowing that if she does tell his wife that they are still in contact, he will drop her like it's hot. That's why she doesn't tell. She knows that if she does, he'll be mad at her, he'll probably leave her and then she'll be left alone. I chuckle when I see CP talking about she wants to tell the BS. Yeah, right. If she did, she'd have done so already. She doesn't want to tell because that'll most likely be the end of her relationship and then what will CP do with herself?


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

hellosp said:


> To add, I believe her biggest fear is knowing that if she does tell his wife that they are still in contact, he will drop her like it's hot. That's why she doesn't tell. She knows that if she does, he'll be mad at her, he'll probably leave her and then she'll be left alone. I chuckle when I see CP talking about she wants to tell the BS. Yeah, right. If she did, she'd have done so already. She doesn't want to tell because that'll most likely be the end of her relationship and then what will CP do with herself?


Your right if I tell his bs he may end things but that's not why I haven't told her. I haven't told her because I'm unsure of what I want. I know I love him but I'm not sure it's what I want right now. I want him to do what he wants and if its to stay married and continue with me then right now I'm cool with it. If he chooses to end things then that's his choice. I haven't told her because I've come to conclusion that I don't owe her the truth, he does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## baseballplayer (Aug 19, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> I haven't told her because I'm unsure of what I want.


 Thats right princess, it don't matter how many people's lives you sh*t on in this world, as long as you get what YOU want above all. 


And in the keeping your stories straight dept:


canuckprincess said:


> I'm sure he wouldn't be happy about it, but *it won't be a deal breaker for us*


vs


canuckprincess said:


> Your right if I tell his bs he may end things


 :lol: and.....



canuckprincess said:


> I haven't told her because I've come to conclusion that I don't owe her the truth, he does.


 vs


canuckprincess said:


> I'm not being deceptive, I'm 100 percent honest.


 O ya,keep sayin that princess, your the most honest LIAR I've ever seen.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

baseballplayer said:


> Thats right princess, it don't matter how many people's lives you sh*t on in this world, as long as you get what YOU want above all.
> 
> 
> And in the keeping your stories straight dept:
> ...


I'm getting a little tired of being held to a higher standard then the cheating spouses. Do you honestly think that's right. I'm happily divorced and not cheating on anyone. So why not attack the cheaters. I get so upset with some of the posts and I don't know why, your opinions mean nothing to me. My friend and mm both tell me to stay off this site cause some of you are just bitter people and because your spouse cheats on you, you think it's ok to take it out on me. You cant control your own life so please dont try and control mine. I guess it's easier for you all to look in the mirror if you can place blame on everyone else for your failed relationships.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

You're very focussed on other people in your defensiveness. Mm, the bs, they aren't the ones posting. You can't control them, you control yourself (or not, in your case), that's why the posters here are hard on you. Because you are the only one who's behaviour or choices can be influenced by responding to you. If the others were to post, they'd get the same straight forward, no bull**** advice to alter their own reactions to the situation. 
But go ahead, by all means, deflect, dodge responsibility for your own choices, get defensive. That's why you're here after all isn't it? To feel better about your own situation?


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I'm getting a little tired of being held to a higher standard then the cheating spouses. Do you honestly think that's right. I'm happily divorced and not cheating on anyone. So why not attack the cheaters. I get so upset with some of the posts and I don't know why, your opinions mean nothing to me. My friend and mm both tell me to stay off this site cause some of you are just bitter people and because your spouse cheats on you, you think it's ok to take it out on me. You cant control your own life so please dont try and control mine. I guess it's easier for you all to look in the mirror if you can place blame on everyone else for your failed relationships.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Actually I'm here to help people. My wife has not cheated on me. For many years I helped run a group that assisted people in bettering their lives. This included things like substance abuse, relationship issues (yes including infidelity), mental disorders, etc. I have no bitterness in my heart at all. In fact, some of the people I most respect in this world are former addicts and waywards that took responsibility and turned their lives around. It takes great strength to look in the mirror and resolve to fix what is broken. By the way, I myself am a recovered alcoholic and addict so I've traveled that road. I just don't talk the talk, I've walked the walk.

But I do feel sorry for and try to help people that need it. Some of these people are very open about needing help. And others like you are still in denial but keep coming back because deep down they know the truth. My comments here have not been disrespectful or rude. I am merely trying to help you to open your eyes and see what is already in front of you. I don't care about your paramour. He is not here, you are. You can choose to travel a better path and you don't need him appearing at various times tripping you up. He and his wife have a lot of problems to deal with. Perhaps he is involved with you because he is running away from those problems. But you don't need that drama. You should be looking to find someone who can comfort you and cherish you each and every day.

I have a friend who was a mistress for over 20 years. He was several years older than her and even though his wife probably knew about his affair she never divorced him because for all his faults he was still with her 90% of the time. This friend's lover would show up occasionally with gifts and take her out once in a while. One day he didn't show up on their appointed day. In the past if something came up he would always call and let her know he couldn't make it. This time no call no show. She waited and waited and wondered if his wife had finally put her foot down and made him end the affair. But that wasn't the reason. He had a heart attack and died. Family was contacted, funeral arrangements were made, comfort was given to the distressed widow. But there was no comfort for my friend. She sat there in silence grieving and in tremendous pain....alone. There was nobody for her. She couldn't go to anybody for support. She couldn't attend the funeral to say her last goodbyes. She didn't exist.

I don't want you to end up like my friend.


----------



## baseballplayer (Aug 19, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> I get so upset with some of the posts and I don't know why


Its cause your trying to convince people of your lies and we're not buying. Same as when my son says he didn't break that toy and then throws a *tantrum* when we dont beleive him.




canuckprincess said:


> You cant control your own life so please dont try and control mine. I guess it's easier for you all to look in the mirror if you can place blame on everyone else for your failed relationships.


Looks like you cant control YOUR own life either,or "your"mm's life, and your trying to place blame on the bs who doesn't even know you exist. Their's another reason you."get so upset" :lol: Also you ever notice that "your" mm has a failed relationship (or two) if what you say is even true maybe he blames you?


----------



## hellosp (Jul 14, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> I'm getting a little tired of being held to a higher standard then the cheating spouses. Do you honestly think that's right. I'm happily divorced and not cheating on anyone. So why not attack the cheaters. I get so upset with some of the posts and I don't know why, your opinions mean nothing to me. My friend and mm both tell me to stay off this site cause some of you are just bitter people and because your spouse cheats on you, you think it's ok to take it out on me. You cant control your own life so please dont try and control mine. I guess it's easier for you all to look in the mirror if you can place blame on everyone else for your failed relationships.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


For one thing, you aren't being held to a higher standard. You're being held to the same level. Don't like it? Well, you chose this position and chose to come here and discuss it, sooo... this is what you get. 

"Your" MM and friend are correct, you probably should stay away from this site as long as you continue to be an OW. Did you honestly come here thinking you'd be supported in your choice to remain a party to deception? You'd certainly get support to end the affair, and have had plenty of great advice... but you remain adamant that you will stay the OW, so I'm not sure why you think you'd be supported on a website meant to help people end/heal from affairs. 

You are correct on one account-- during the affair we couldn't control our life (per se) because people like YOU and WS' were doing the controlling... having affairs/betraying behind our backs... not giving us the choice of our life. If only we knew, then we'd take control of that portion of our lives, buuuuuut, we didn't get the option, did we?

Also, LOL at you talking about failed relationships. I'd say your relationship is the biggest failure of all. You CHOOSE to be second, a secret, an OW, getting breadcrumbs (that you seem to enjoy?)... That's kind of a major fail. 

Anyway, you should probably run back to LS where you will be high-fived and supported on your decision to help ruin many lives.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

hellosp said:


> "Your" MM and friend are correct, you probably should stay away from this site as long as you continue to be an OW. Did you honestly come here thinking you'd be supported in your choice to remain a party to deception? You'd certainly get support to end the affair, and have had plenty of great advice... but you remain adamant that you will stay the OW, so I'm not sure why you think you'd be supported on a website meant to help people end/heal from affairs.
> 
> Ok if I were to decide to end the affair what sort of support could I get. I'm sure it would be to just go NC, well that is far harder then you may think. I think ending a LTA is difficult because we don't fight or argue. We enjoy the time we have together, maybe if he was betraying me or if I caught him in lies it would make it easier to walk away. I'm not stupid I'm sure he lies to me I just haven't caught him on anything yet. He also knows due to my failed marriage I will not tolerate any lies what's so ever. Just for the record I have tried to go NC several times since dday but all were broken by him. And yes I know I could of not answered the phone or responded to the text but I was weak and yes sadly I do love him.


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

CP,

Do you believe that each of us has an aura? An energy field that surrounds us. A type of energy our bodies create?

Some people project positive energy. Some people project negative energy. Some people don't project energy at all. They feed on the energy of others sucking them dry. Your paramour is taking away energy from you. Energy that could/should be spent elsewhere. Maybe that energy would help you to make more and better friends? Maybe that energy would be spent doing more enjoyable hobbies or finding a better more fulfilling job? And just maybe that energy might be used to attract a man that can and is willing to give you all his energy in return. You may love your paramour with all your heart but its a one way love. He is always taking and you are always giving. And what its going to do is leave you drained and used up if you don't break the cycle.

How do you end an LTA? Obviously go NC but I may also suggest that you contact his wife and tell her that you have tried to break it off several times but her husband keeps pursuing you. Tell her you are weak and have allowed him back in your life every time but you want it to end. Remember, the enemy of my enemy can be a friend. Make the OMW your ally in breaking the affair once and for all.

Another thing you can do is to tell a few close friends and/or relatives that you want this to end but you need support. Ask them to be your support system encouraging you to move in the right direction and being available to help you when you're weak.

Yet another thing to do is to get into counseling and have the counselor help you to find more strength within yourself to live a better life and to find true happiness. Sometimes its very theraputic to just talk to someone when issues come up. I suspect that one of the things that your paramour does for you is to be there when you need to talk. Shift that burden over to a counselor who can help guide you in a more constructive and fulfilling way.

Basically if you truly want to end the A and start building a better life for yourself you can do it. It all starts with the first step.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

:iagree: If you really wanted it to stop, then get a restraining order and tell him NC or you will file a harassment charge as well. Just because you were with him for so long doesn't mean you owe him something special if he doesn't want to honor your wishes. Just like anyone else you deserve to have your privacy ini this and if it takes legal action to accomplish this, then so be it. Remeber just because you aren't cheating on someone directly, you are cheating someone in this mess, so own your responsibilities as you are destroying another's marriage (it no you then probably someone else, just don't let it be you).


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> :iagree: If you really wanted it to stop, then get a restraining order and tell him NC or you will file a harassment charge as well. Just because you were with him for so long doesn't mean you owe him something special if he doesn't want to honor your wishes. Just like anyone else you deserve to have your privacy ini this and if it takes legal action to accomplish this, then so be it. Remeber just because you aren't cheating on someone directly, you are cheating someone in this mess, so own your responsibilities as you are destroying another's marriage (it no you then probably someone else, just don't let it be you).


I certainly would never get a restraining order on him. I just wish I had the strength to not answer the phone or return a text. It's hard when you love someone to just cut ties. I do however get a little confused as to wether I'm suppose to tell his wife before cutting ties. I don't see the purpose of telling her if I decide to walk away. What if she's ok with not knowing the whole truth. I have thought about simply asking her if she wants to know but I don't think she'll take my call. Any input as to what I should do in that situation. I would want to know the truth if it was me but bit everyone wants to know. Same as some cancer patients want to know how much time they have and some don't. Who am I to decide if she wants to know the truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CP, even with the hard time I gave you earlier, I want to point out that, had I come on here, as the OW (which I was, at the same time I was the WW), and if I had been unremorseful, trying to justify my actions as far as cheating on my husband, I can guarantee they would have brought out the pitchforks! They would have raked me over the coals. But, that didn't happen. I know how hard it is to get out something like that... at least the emotional aspect of it. But, you do get over it, in time.

As for what to tell BW...well, as was stated before, give it all to her. Give a copy of text records (block out numbers unrelated to her WH), copies of emails, etc. Just send them to her, and specify that only SHE can sign for them. Once you have confirmation that she got it, tell her husband you no longer wish to have any contact with him...period. And stick to it. Get busy doing things with friends, family, etc. But, I would do all this before speaking with her husband. You said you would want to know the whole truth.... give the same to her. What she does with it is up to her.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> CP, even with the hard time I gave you earlier, I want to point out that, had I come on here, as the OW (which I was, at the same time I was the WW), and if I had been unremorseful, trying to justify my actions as far as cheating on my husband, I can guarantee they would have brought out the pitchforks! They would have raked me over the coals. But, that didn't happen. I know how hard it is to get out something like that... at least the emotional aspect of it. But, you do get over it, in time.
> 
> As for what to tell BW...well, as was stated before, give it all to her. Give a copy of text records (block out numbers unrelated to her WH), copies of emails, etc. Just send them to her, and specify that only SHE can sign for them. Once you have confirmation that she got it, tell her husband you no longer wish to have any contact with him...period. And stick to it. Get busy doing things with friends, family, etc. But, I would do all this before speaking with her husband. You said you would want to know the whole truth.... give the same to her. What she does with it is up to her.


So if I give her all the evidence why do I need to go NC? I mean if his bs chooses to look the other way even after the proof is given to her then why must mm and I stop. Maybe she has decided to accept it as long as he doesn't leave her. It is possible, isn't it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> So if I give her all the evidence why do I need to go NC? I mean if his bs chooses to look the other way even after the proof is given to her then why must mm and I stop. Maybe she has decided to accept it as long as he doesn't leave her. It is possible, isn't it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What makes you think she would look the other way? The purpose of NC, as you very well know, is so that IF they choose to rebuild, then they actually can, without you hanging around. You very well know that to make it truly work, you cannot be part of the picture. You also know that she hasn't accepted anything of the sort. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here, grasping at straws (i.e. the "it's possible, right?" comment).... fishing.


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Reconciling after an affair- three mistakes the cheater makes*



canuckprincess said:


> So if I give her all the evidence why do I need to go NC? I mean if his bs chooses to look the other way even after the proof is given to her then why must mm and I stop. Maybe she has decided to accept it as long as he doesn't leave her. It is possible, isn't it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know. So you can rediscover your self respect and maybe find a real relationship.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> What makes you think she would look the other way? The purpose of NC, as you very well know, is so that IF they choose to rebuild, then they actually can, without you hanging around. You very well know that to make it truly work, you cannot be part of the picture. You also know that she hasn't accepted anything of the sort. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here, grasping at straws (i.e. the "it's possible, right?" comment).... fishing.


What makes me think she looks the other way is according to mm she hasn't asked him in quite sometime if he's still seeing me yet see reads my posts on here and LS. If he asked me to not contact him I would respect his wishes but that hasn't happened and dday was almost 2 years ago. So if she thinks he's trying to reconcile she's sadly mistaken all he's trying to do is keep two woman for as long as possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Why do you want to be one of those two women? Why don't you want someone who gives you 100% of his time and attention and committment? 

And don't say you don't want committment...you have been in a LTA with this man and seem to be willing to wait....

For what, I don't know. B/c the extreme cake eaters never leave their wife.


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Perhaps that's all she can handle, only 1/2 of him. Probably knows her own limitations?


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> Why do you want to be one of those two women? Why don't you want someone who gives you 100% of his time and attention and committment?
> 
> And don't say you don't want committment...you have been in a LTA with this man and seem to be willing to wait....
> 
> For what, I don't know. B/c the extreme cake eaters never leave their wife.


Can't you pleople get your head around the fact that not everybody wants to be living with or married to someone. I'm financially secure I have a large network of friends and the idea of being glued to someone makes me feel like I can't breathe. I'm not needy like most woman I'm independent and I like what we have. I just want him to be honest with her because every bs on this forum claims to want the truth. I love my mm and I love the time we get together, but I don't need it all the time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

aug said:


> Perhaps that's all she can handle, only 1/2 of him. Probably knows her own limitations?


Truth is he can only handle half of me lol. Half from him is maybe all I want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Why do you believe every word a proven liar says? Do you really think you are so special that you are given the unvarnished truth? Shoot, girl, you don't require any sort integrity of yourself, bargaining and arguing both fact and logic and dismissing morality as for other people, again, because you are so special.

Just cut the crap. If you are so happy stop posting, maintain your situation and leave us alone.

If you really want to be a good person and help yourself, take an action that proves it.

It isn't that we don't want to help you. It is that there is only so much energy to go around. Nobody can help an unrepentant fool. Nobody can save you if you don't want to be saved.

Mature up and see that there are other people in this world. You have a moral obligation that you won't fulfill because you won't acknowledge your pain or the truth that your pain is not justification for causing others pain.

Do you really want to live in a world filled with people like your so-called boyfriend and you? Want that for friends and family? For the little girl down the block?

Do you?

This is a yes or no question.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Can't you pleople get your head around the fact that not everybody wants to be living with or married to someone. I'm financially secure I have a large network of friends and the idea of being glued to someone makes me feel like I can't breathe. I'm not needy like most woman I'm independent and I like what we have. I just want him to be honest with her because every bs on this forum claims to want the truth. I love my mm and I love the time we get together, but I don't need it all the time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First of all why do you believe you will be tethered to someone 24/7 if you are in a real full time committed relationship with them? Some couples spend tons of time together and seem to barely leave each other's sides. Others spend much more time with friends and doing personal activities and hobbies that they enjoy. But when they get together it is like a honeymoon rekindled. Now with your paramour you might be feeling that way because he is the only person you are romantically involved with. But you are only getting half of what he has to offer never truly seeing the depth of feelings that a man can demonstrate. So sad that this seems to be all you think you're worth.

And as for truly loving your paramour. Do you love the deception? Do you love the lies? Do you love the sneaking around? Do you love that you can never meet any of his close friends? Do you love being shut out of a large part of his life?

Have you ever gone to a restaurant near his home? Have you ever showed up at his work to meet him for lunch at a spur of the moment? Have you ever planned a surprise birthday party for him with his friends and relatives? Have you ever met his family? Have you ever had the security of knowing that there was someone out there that truly had your back and would be there for you no matter what? You can't have those things with your paramour can you? You can't show up at his work because his coworkers will talk since they know his wife. You can't meet his family. That would be rather awkward wouldn't it? You can't plan a surprise party for him unless its just a party of two. And in the back of your mind you KNOW that sometime in the future you're going to need and want him there for you but he just won't be able to get away from his wife.

You don't have to be in a relationship with someone and feel smothered. But wouldn't it be nice to be in a secure relationship that would allow you to be smothered if you wanted/needed it?


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> What makes me think she looks the other way is according to mm she hasn't asked him in quite sometime if he's still seeing me *yet see reads my posts on here and LS.* If he asked me to not contact him I would respect his wishes but that hasn't happened and dday was almost 2 years ago. So if she thinks he's trying to reconcile she's sadly mistaken all he's trying to do is keep two woman for as long as possible.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl::rofl:

And yet, as has been stated by those who have spoken with her, she doesn't read them. She hasn't in a long time. She has no REASON to read your nonsense. She has no REASON to come to TAM or LS or any of those anymore. Not in MONTHS.

No, your posts are not about being "happy with her husband". Your posts are attempts to fish, to see if she's reading, to see if anyone will relay what you're trying to sell. And, since that won't work, to try to make others in R doubt themselves and their spouses. As we have all said, give her this so-called proof and be done with it. Stop hinting. Stop fishing. If you actually have proof, give it. And spare me the "I don't owe you people anything" comments. This isn't about what you do or do not owe US. It's about you trying to continue insinuating yourself into someone's life, knowing you are not wanted there.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Can't you pleople get your head around the fact that not everybody wants to be living with or married to someone. I'm financially secure I have a large network of friends and the idea of being glued to someone makes me feel like I can't breathe. I'm not needy like most woman I'm independent and I like what we have. I just want him to be honest with her because every bs on this forum claims to want the truth. I love my mm and I love the time we get together, but I don't need it all the time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A long term, committed relationship where someone is 100% with you and no one else does not necessarily mean marriage or living with someone. 

You say you are independent but you are so dependent on your mm. If you were not, you would have stopped seeing him long ago. You would have realized being so independent that you deserve better than what you are getting.


----------



## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I think your issue with her not knowing is
that YOU don't feel important enough for him to be honest about.


----------



## WhatItIs (Aug 30, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> :rofl::rofl:
> 
> And yet, as has been stated by those who have spoken with her, she doesn't read them. She hasn't in a long time. She has no REASON to read your nonsense. She has no REASON to come to TAM or LS or any of those anymore. Not in MONTHS.
> 
> No, your posts are not about being "happy with her husband". Your posts are attempts to fish, to see if she's reading, to see if anyone will relay what you're trying to sell. And, since that won't work, to try to make others in R doubt themselves and their spouses. As we have all said, give her this so-called proof and be done with it. Stop hinting. Stop fishing. If you actually have proof, give it. And spare me the "I don't owe you people anything" comments. This isn't about what you do or do not owe US. It's about you trying to continue insinuating yourself into someone's life, knowing you are not wanted there.


I'm curious how you know that BS has not read the posts, etc?


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

WhatItIs said:


> I'm curious how you know that BS has not read the posts, etc?


Already stated a few pages ago.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

If she's no longer reading the posts on TAM or LS it's because she has come to terms with the idea of sharing with me which is all I wanted. If she is in denial it's because naïve people have convinced her that I'm making this up, well I know I'm not and that's all that matters. So spare me the bull that all bs want to know the truth, some don't want to know and she is one of them.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Pepper123 said:


> I think your issue with her not knowing is
> that YOU don't feel important enough for him to be honest about.


Hmm interesting thought and maybe your right. I've said before and I'll say it again, he doesn't love me enough to leave his marriage and he doesn't love her enough to stop our relationship.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> If she's no longer reading the posts on TAM or LS it's because she has come to terms with the idea of sharing with me which is all I wanted. If she is in denial it's because naïve people have convinced her that I'm making this up, well I know I'm not and that's all that matters. So spare me the bull that all bs want to know the truth, some don't want to know and she is one of them.


More like she has verified, long ago, that you are lying, so she is done stressing over it and they are moving on.


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

canuckprincess said:


> Hmm interesting thought and maybe your right. I've said before and I'll say it again, he doesn't love me enough to leave his marriage and he doesn't love her enough to stop our relationship.


And with that you have defined this man. 


Take charge of YOUR life Princess. Starting TODAY. 


When you have ditched his sorry ass and stopped bleating like a 14 year old school girl, then come back here, because right now your exciting electrons for no good reason.


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Hmm interesting thought and maybe your right. I've said before and I'll say it again, he doesn't love me enough to leave his marriage and he doesn't love her enough to stop our relationship.


I want you to re read what you wrote here. Doesn't love you enough. And you're willing to settle for that? Heavens why? Are you that worthless?


----------



## user_zero (Aug 30, 2013)

canuckprincess said:


> Hmm interesting thought and maybe your right. I've said before and I'll say it again, he doesn't love me enough to leave his marriage and he doesn't love her enough to stop our relationship.


I remember that you said the only experiences you have with your MM are good ones. and as I remember your ExH cheated on you with a friend of yours right?

is safe to say that you afraid to have full-time relationship with someone (including this MM) because you think they might see something in you that they don't like and cheat on you?


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> If she's no longer reading the posts on TAM or LS it's because she has come to terms with the idea of sharing with me which is all I wanted. If she is in denial it's because naïve people have convinced her that I'm making this up, well I know I'm not and that's all that matters. So spare me the bull that all bs want to know the truth, some don't want to know and she is one of them.


What first hand knowledge do you have about how she feels, or what she thinks? Does it actually matter to you, or is it just a convenient smokescreen for you to throw up when you feel threatened? Here's a thought, rather than trying to infer what she thinks or feels, why don't you go talk to her to find out what she thinks and feels about the situation. Get it all out in the open, figure out where everybody really stands. Maybe you will all be content with your little triangle, and it won't be anybody else's place to comment or judge.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> More like she has verified, long ago, that you are lying, so she is done stressing over it and they are moving on.


I can't help but laugh at your comment, you have no idea what your talking about. Just to prove my case if or when the lid gets blown off my situation I will send you all the proof just so you'll see how wrong you are and to prove how easy it is to pull the wool over ones eyes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

user_zero said:


> I remember that you said the only experiences you have with your MM are good ones. and as I remember your ExH cheated on you with a friend of yours right?
> 
> is safe to say that you afraid to have full-time relationship with someone (including this MM) because you think they might see something in you that they don't like and cheat on you?


I'm not worry about a man cheating, as you all know very well most will cheat or be cheated on. That's why we're all here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

SadandAngry said:


> What first hand knowledge do you have about how she feels, or what she thinks? Does it actually matter to you, or is it just a convenient smokescreen for you to throw up when you feel threatened? Here's a thought, rather than trying to infer what she thinks or feels, why don't you go talk to her to find out what she thinks and feels about the situation. Get it all out in the open, figure out where everybody really stands. Maybe you will all be content with your little triangle, and it won't be anybody else's place to comment or judge.


I have tried to call her but she blocked my number. Yes I could email her and if she chooses to not read it then that's her choice. There is only so much I can do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I'm not worry about a man cheating, as you all know very well most will cheat or be cheated on. That's why we're all here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, I meant go see her face to face.

It isn't at all clear why exactly you are here. What is this thread doing for you exactly?


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> I can't help but laugh at your comment, you have no idea what your talking about. Just to prove my case if or when the lid gets blown off my situation I will send you all the proof just so you'll see how wrong you are and to prove how easy it is to pull the wool over ones eyes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You go ahead and do that, princess. Don't worry, though. I won't be holding my breath.


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> You go ahead and do that, princess. Don't worry, though. I won't be holding my breath.


There you go! 

Something you can DO to change your situation.

The advice for BS is the same. 
*Stop being a doormat and start DOING something. 
*


Start making decisions and force a resolution to this. 

One way or the other. People will help you if you let them. We all make mistakes, we all screw up our lives in one way or another. 
The trick is to stop screwing it up and listen to your head, not your heart.


----------



## user_zero (Aug 30, 2013)

canuckprincess,

you keep saying 'I fall in Love' , 'I can't stop it' ,.... 
you do realize you have a choice in this. and as long as you have a choice your going to be held accountable for the choices you make by the one that gave you the power to choose.

There are a lot of things wrong with what your doing , saying , posting ,... . I'm not angry at you. I don't hate you. I just feel sorry for you. you're destroying your own life and you don't even know it. or should I say you don't wanna know it. I'm curious how do you see your life lets say in 5 or 10 years? that you are the mistress of a married man. or he finally grew up and divorced his wife and now you're together. that you finally have won the competition. do you think the prize would worth it? if you ever have any children , how do you explain to them this 'phase of your life'? what kinda role model is that? what kinda advice would you give them if they find themselves in the same situation?

you know you are wrong.

---------------------------------------------
to the other posters :
i read all of the posts on this thread and I ask myself what is it that she is getting from coming here and post? I mean clearly there is a reward here right. and I realized she likes to fight, likes the challenge you know: talking , word-exchanging . proving others they are wrong to win the battle. its quite ego-boosting. the more the opposite people , the stronger their ideas , the greater challenge and therefore the greater fulfillment. its a form of seeking attention from an insecure character.
the best way you can deal with these kinda of people is indifference. ignore them and they fade away eventually.
there are a lot of people (BS , WS , FWS) on this forum that worth more of your time and energy. i mean clearly she is not hearing your advice. so give your advice to someone who needs and can hear it.

good luck every one.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

user_zero said:


> canuckprincess,
> 
> you keep saying 'I fall in Love' , 'I can't stop it' ,....
> you do realize you have a choice in this. and as long as you have a choice your going to be held accountable for the choices you make by the one that gave you the power to choose.
> ...


Do you think this is a game, it's not. There are no winners, just three losers. I'm here because I want the strength to end it, not because I think it's wrong to love a man but because "society" says its wrong. Why should I put the opinions of strangers ahead of my own. Just because a bunch of strangers say so, well I'm gonna do what's best for me not the general population. So if staying is best for me or leaving is best for me then that's what I'll do. 

As for future children we are both past that and I do have a son who has known my mm all his life. So why should I take that away from him, oh I know why cause a bunch of closed minded strangers say so!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> Can't you pleople get your head around the fact that not everybody wants to be living with or married to someone. I'm financially secure I have a large network of friends and the idea of being glued to someone makes me feel like I can't breathe. I'm not needy like most woman I'm independent and I like what we have. I just want him to be honest with her because every bs on this forum claims to want the truth. I love my mm and I love the time we get together, but I don't need it all the time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can't you get your head around the fact that you are stealing from your OM's BW?

Not against you not wanting to be married. Against you for stealing from another woman. There are men looking for someone to date that do not want to get married.

Grow up and date appropriately.


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

theroad said:


> Can't you get your head around the fact that you are stealing from your OM's BW?
> 
> Not against you not wanting to be married. Against you for stealing from another woman. There are men looking for someone to date that do not want to get married.
> 
> ...


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

I'm not stealing, he's giving it to me.



Having a douche bag accomplice doesn't change the fact that it's theft. Just sayin'.


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

canuckprincess said:


> theroad said:
> 
> 
> > Can't you get your head around the fact that you are stealing from your OM's BW?
> ...


----------



## canuckprincess (Mar 22, 2012)

SadandAngry said:


> I'm not stealing, he's giving it to me.
> 
> 
> 
> Having a douche bag accomplice doesn't change the fact that it's theft. Just sayin'.


Just because your sad and angry there's no need for the name calling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hellosp (Jul 14, 2013)

Yeah, I definitely think posting here is a game for CP. read her responses here and on other threads.... Every time someone tries to offer her advice, she dismisses it, is someone asks her anything, she gets defensive, or she plain just tries to rile people up on this/other threads. C'mon, you aren't trying to find the strength to end the affair... You've said numerous times that you like the breadcrumbs so why should you end it. I agree 100% with User_zero, CP isn't here for help, just a little word exchange.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

End it, or continue it?

What is it going to be?


----------



## jay_gatsby (Jun 4, 2013)

I find this thread very interesting in that the OP has expressed no interest in any recommendations posted, yet posters continue, almost like zealots, trying to right a wrong. Not everyone subscribes to the same beliefs expressed here, or the rigid ways of handling infidelity. This site has the feel of "our way or the highway" mentality.


----------



## baseballplayer (Aug 19, 2013)

She's all strong,independent and not needy, but she 'wants the strength to end it'.

She wants to end it/she's happy with her position/she wishes the asshat loved her enough to leave his wife.

She wants to tell the bs who is in the dark in false r
Oh no, the bs knows and has decided to share with cp.

She doesn't lie. O wait,she's spend years decieving the bs. And she has to stamp her feet and insist to us about how honest she is.

her dude tells cp that the wife discusses her posts on TAM with him
But bs 'isnt even asking him about it'.

Shes asked the bs if she wants the truth.No, she's "thought about asking her ".

She gets honesty from 'her" mm. But wait, "she's not stupid she's sure he lies to her".
She won't tolerate any lies or it's over. Yet here she still is, not over.

This is clearly fiction.Princess, are you trying to write the script for a soap opera and are testing it out on us?Cause its gonna flop with all those continuty problems.


Userzero,I think the reason we all still play with CP is cause being the betrayed hurts,,reading the same stories of betrayal thousands of times on the board gets to hurt, we want distracton. Like watching a comedy, here comes CP to provide something completly different with her clown act.I myself play spot the inconsistenties,kinda like wheres waldo. takes me away from thinkng about my 'false r for a few minutes!


----------



## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Ignore IT and IT will go away.


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

She never answers easy, yes or no questions but will argue inanely about others. 

I agree it is time for all of us to put CP on ignore. Being able to talk about this alleged affair is part of how she builds up its significance in her mind. It is reenforcing the affair, if there really is one. Bottom line - if there is one, we are helping to perpetuate it. If there isn't, we are doing a disturbed person no good.

She owes a big apology to Canadians, too. CP stands for crackpot, nothing more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## user_zero (Aug 30, 2013)

I don't know whether it is real or fiction (not sure which one is worse :scratchhead. but she is never going to take responsibility. she is always a victim of something (falling in love, general population's view , closed minded strangers , bitter people , ...). Obviously she needs serious IC. I'm sure the topic of 'Emotional Maturity' would come up several times. 

I think people here keep responding to CP not because they are zealots or they are trying to right a wrong or they have a rigid way or something. I think its because that although they are stranger to her but they are not stranger to her situation. they have enough experience to know that these kinda things always end in ruins. they are compassionate. they care about her maybe even more than herself. they just wanna help.
I'm just saying when you're helping someone, you should see that how much your help is really effective. is it person truly accepting the help or it's just falling on deaf ears. they are a lot of people here who I believe deserve their compassion , their care and their help a lot more.
------------------------
please don't make me post on this topic again. I already advised other posters to ignore it. what kinda person would I be if I don't follow my own advice? 

PM: I think this is one of those rare cases that Ignorance is truly bliss (for everyone)


----------

