# Deleting Texts



## HmaeC (Jan 12, 2021)

Recently I found out my husband has been deleting texts from an ex girlfriend (Amy- is what we will call her). Apparently she’s been texting him every few weeks or months to see how him and his family are doing (according to her, as I messaged her asking for screenshots of their recent conversation). 

How I found out. A friend called me to let me know my husband invited Amy to the races (he is a racer). And she brought her friend Clara who apparently hooked up with his best friend who also races. Clara sent all conversations between her and my friends boyfriend to her. In the conversation my husbands friend (Carl) mentions “too my Roger (my husband) is so boring, or maybe Amy would have stuck around longer”. Indicating my husband didn’t give her any special attention. 
When I confronted him, he first denies messaging her. Then admits he has but deletes them because he knows I’ll get mad ...... but says he’s only responded that we are all good. And that at Christmas when she text asking to bring cookies to him and his family he said to her “no, that’s disrespectful. How would you feel an ex bringing cookies over to your home?” 
I reached out to her (Amy) to see if she could send me screenshots of their conversation that he deleted. She seemed to beat around the bush and then finally said that she deleted them too, as she always deletes all her texts and emails. 
I don’t think my husband cheated. BUT isn’t deleting messages a step in that direction? 
Clara, the friend who was telling us EVERYTHING that happened, also said they did not even really talk or anything. And Amy grew up going to the races but hadn’t been in a while. So wasn’t completely out of her domain. 

However to add more to the issue, I made him leave and told him to go stay with a friend. But when he said he was going to stay at the beach I decided to tell him he can stay home in the other room instead. I don’t see why he gets a vacation during our fight that he caused. 
When he got home I asked where he had been as it took a while to get home. He said he got food and my icee I asked for and came home. 
I later see in his phone he went to a bar that the friend who cheated his uncle owns and where his friend was hanging out. He was there around 2 hours. 
I confronted him and he said he didn’t want to tell me as he thought I would get made that he was with the cheating friend. 
He doesn’t drink. So I believe he was there to talk crap with his friend (who he normally tells he is making huge mistakes as this isn’t the friends first time cheating). 

Do we do counseling to work on his habit of lying/hiding things?
Or does it seem he is cheating and I’m just not finding all evidence? 


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

How old are you?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

HmaeC said:


> A friend called me to let me know my husband invited Amy to the races (he is a racer). And she brought her friend Clara who apparently hooked up with his best friend who also races. Clara sent all conversations between her and my friends boyfriend to her. In the conversation my husbands friend (Carl) mentions “too my Roger (my husband)


I'm lost already... 

At the very least you two have communication issues and you have a liar for a husband. Chances are him and Amy are, at minimum, having inappropriate chats. They are hiding and deleting texts for a reason, and "I always do" is pretty darn fishy. 

Depending on what app he uses to text, you can run a recovery software to get them back. Check his phone records, does he call her? If he does put a VAR in his car or wherever you think he makes calls from.


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## HmaeC (Jan 12, 2021)

bobert said:


> I'm lost already...
> 
> At the very least you two have communication issues and you have a liar for a husband. Chances are him and Amy are, at minimum, having inappropriate chats. They are hiding and deleting texts for a reason, and "I always do" is pretty darn fishy.
> 
> Depending on what app he uses to text, you can run a recovery software to get them back. Check his phone records, does he call her? If he does put a VAR in his car or wherever you think he makes calls from.


Yes, I was trying to figure out how to recover the texts. I will also pull the call records but it is hard since our phones are under his account. 

It’s hard to take his word on anything when I just caught him lying but he swears it was nothing and at Christmas time is when he actually said to her to stop texting which is why she text to see if it would be awkward if she went to the races. I really hope we can recover the texts to see that’s true. 


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## HmaeC (Jan 12, 2021)

HmaeC said:


> Yes, I was trying to figure out how to recover the texts. I will also pull the call records but it is hard since our phones are under his account.
> 
> It’s hard to take his word on anything when I just caught him lying but he swears it was nothing and at Christmas time is when he actually said to her to stop texting which is why she text to see if it would be awkward if she went to the races. I really hope we can recover the texts to see that’s true.
> 
> ...


I pulled the call/text records from the cell service. No calls were ever made to her. But seems he was texting 3-5 texts every other month. No videos or pictures exchanged. 


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## Trustless Marriage (Mar 1, 2021)

He is lying. I was in a similar situation. My wife was having private chats with a old "friend" on Facebook behind my back. One day she left it open and I poked around. There were 2 messages to some guy. The second to the last showed they were clearly in the middle of some conversation so I knew there had been some deleted messages. At first she even denied messaging him when I brought his name up. Then she admitted a quick catchup session with him. I told her some messages were deleted. She denied deleting any messages. Then she admitted deleting them because there were too many messages for the window. Then she admitted she deleted them cause of one text she wrote complementing him on a kiss he gave her while in college and knew I would be mad. I could not get those messages back even with a dump from facebook. Then the last message I saw was her 2 weeks later asking where he was - that it had been awhile since she heard from him and was worried. Sound like a catch up? Nope - sounds like a long drawn out conversation. She also said they never talked on the phone. Then admitted she did once. Then later it became 2 times they talked on the phone. But she claims she would have drawn the line if he asked her to meet out. Ya right.

My point is he is lying and so is she. He needs to come clean.


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