# Don't know how to get out of marriage



## Mitsu (Aug 7, 2012)

Hi all ( sorry it's long)
My husband and I have been married for 8 months now. We were in a long distance relationship for 3 years and physically together for one year. 
When he first came to be with me, I didn't have many friends but I was never anti-social. He on the over hand is anti social and doesn't like to meet new people ( but i didn't know how severe it was until a few months ago). He loved to spend every minute of the day together.
When we got married, I also happened to get a new job. There, i met new people that i wanted to hang out with. I wanted to finally have friends. When i wanted to have a double date with one of my guy friend and his girlfriend, he refused saying that he didn't want to be stuck somewhere for 2 hours and be miserable if he ended up not liking him. So, i then thought that i should hang out with my friends and he should try to make his own friends. Well he didn't like that saying that most of my friends are guys and he wouldn't feel comfortable. He also added that he didn't want to make friends, but just wanted to be together all the time. 
I ended up making a friend with a girl, but when he met her he didn't like her saying that she gave him an attitude. He said that she would never be allowed in our house and that he doesn't want me to hang out with her.
Another thing is that i can't go anywhere with anyone because he will get upset. My sister invited me out to a club with some of our coworkers (we work together so i know them all, and they were all female). I started to refuse, fearing his wrath, but decided to go. I was gone for about three hours, and when i came back he was mad. Saying that i didn't tell him where i was going and exactly who i was going with.
I just feel like i'm being isolated, i feel like i'm suffocating, and i don't love him anymore. We argue alot. We tried to go to couseling, but as soon as she took my side for something he said that she wasn't a good one and that he didn't want to go back. When i tell him that i want a divorce, he gets really bad chest pains and gets headaches. That makes me feel bad, and i end up staying. However, i can't do this anymore. I don't like kissing him, and I dread having sex with him. I just don't know how to leave him with all of his health issues, I feel like he might end up going to the hospital because of this. I feel really stuck.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you want to leave then you need to just leave.

Do you have anywhere you can move to? How would you do this?

Does he work outside the home?


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## Hockey27 (Aug 13, 2012)

Mitsu said:


> Hi all ( sorry it's long)
> My husband and I have been married for 8 months now. We were in a long distance relationship for 3 years and physically together for one year.
> When he first came to be with me, I didn't have many friends but I was never anti-social. He on the over hand is anti social and doesn't like to meet new people ( but i didn't know how severe it was until a few months ago). He loved to spend every minute of the day together.
> When we got married, I also happened to get a new job. There, i met new people that i wanted to hang out with. I wanted to finally have friends. When i wanted to have a double date with one of my guy friend and his girlfriend, he refused saying that he didn't want to be stuck somewhere for 2 hours and be miserable if he ended up not liking him. So, i then thought that i should hang out with my friends and he should try to make his own friends. Well he didn't like that saying that most of my friends are guys and he wouldn't feel comfortable. He also added that he didn't want to make friends, but just wanted to be together all the time.
> ...


He is manipulating you to keep you in a marriage that is bad for you. He may not be aware that he is doing it, but he is. He is also controlling you and emotionally abusing you. You need to get counseling and see a lawyer, probably in that order. Put a plan together with the counselor and execute it.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Hockey27 said:


> He is manipulating you to keep you in a marriage that is bad for you. He may not be aware that he is doing it, but he is. He is also controlling you and emotionally abusing you. You need to get counseling and see a lawyer, probably in that order. Put a plan together with the counselor and execute it.


I agree. This sounds like a classic case of misogyny. He thinks that just because you married him that he owns you. Isolating you from old friends or making it impossible to make new ones not only focuses all of your attention on him, but it also gives him a sense of power that he can control your life to such an extent. Definitely see a professional about this.


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## Mitsu (Aug 7, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> If you want to leave then you need to just leave.
> 
> Do you have anywhere you can move to? How would you do this?
> 
> Does he work outside the home?


Thank you all for the replies. I could move back with my parents. He does work outside of the house. I haven't left because i'm too worried of his health when we talk about divorce. But, I will seek professional help about this and see how i can approach him about it. Any other advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> I agree. This sounds like a classic case of misogyny. He thinks that just because you married him that he owns you. Isolating you from old friends or making it impossible to make new ones not only focuses all of your attention on him, but it also gives him a sense of power that he can control your life to such an extent. Definitely see a professional about this.


I agree....see a therapist....get a plan....do what you need to do, but get out of this toxic state. 

The sooner the better....dont hesitate.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mitsu (Aug 7, 2012)

Thank you all for the replies.
I don't know what i'm doing anymore. We had a huge argument, he said he was going go back home to california to be with his family. I drove him to the airport, but all i could do is cry. We talked outside the airport and thought maybe he should come back. I know it was a mistake, I should of let him go back. I know that our situation will not change, but why can't I let him go even though i'm not in love with him? What should I do?


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