# i filed for divorce on Friday!



## SHARKY (Nov 30, 2010)

Many have read what I have been going through in my marriage. After a year of not knowing why my wife checked out I caught her talking on the phone with OM and confronted her and she refused to admit it. So on Wednesday I asked her if she was still with the OM or not and she refused to admit it. So I took upon myself to file for divorce because I can't accept betrayal and the many lies in the past year. Time to heal and move on, my daughter and I have been rejected for one year. I filed for majority and no less than 50/50. I feel much better knowing that I need to get out of a relationship that will never heal because she won't own up to it. I sat her down and told her that I am mad but can accept the affair if it was just sexual, if your feelings are with the OM then I need to know how did it get there. Her reply was that I was crazy for thinking of that. I told her that she had one chance to admit it and we can try to fix it. She still did not take my bone. That is when I said, you know what, I have had enough, I am filing for divorce on Friday. Her reply was go right ahead. She thought I was bluffing! She will get served next week.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Is this truly what you want to do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh wow. Sorry to hear it came to this. 

I can relate to feeling awful when you have the evidence and they still won't own it. It sucks. 

She may come out of it quick once she gets served.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I'm sorry it turned out like this.

I hope she sees you are serious and get serious. Otherwise shes acting like a child and hiding behind a lie so she doesn't get in trouble.

Best of luck


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## alicewonderland (Feb 11, 2011)

Good for you. Its horrible living in limbo not knowing where you stand while your partner is out having a good time. They need to take responsibility and they wont as they dont have the courage so they make your life as miserable as possible until you do it. I get it. I say good on you for taking charge of your life and moving forward.


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## SHARKY (Nov 30, 2010)

DelinquentGurl said:


> Is this truly what you want to do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I never wanted it a divorce. However she has given me no choice but too. It is the most difficult thing I have ever been through not knowing anything. I am feeling really bad because my daughter has no idea what she will be facing. I am not moving out of the house because I did not check out. I asked to her leave and she wont leave.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I feel for you, I really do. My husband has checked out as well and everything has gone downhill for the past 5 months. He refuses to admit anything and tells me I am crazy. Then he moved out for a trial separation and then as soon as I got close to the truth (by calling the OW phone, but not talking to her, and also emailing her stbx) he said I pushed him to the breaking point and he's done. There's no returning from this point. So he wants a divorce, but can't even tell me that face to face. He's emailing me and leaving paperwork in my car. Ugh. Grow a spine! I don't want a divorce, I want the truth. Not sure if I could forgive, but I deserve the truth. This fog is thick! I wish you luck.


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## SHARKY (Nov 30, 2010)

I have never felt so much pain as I did this weekend. I don`t know how to explain it, knowing that the end is near and I do not know what happened. I am having trouble swallowing and breathing today and feel as if the world has crumbled on me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

(((Sharky)))) 

I am sorry. The pain IS unbearable at times. Divorce and the end of a long-term relationship are extremely traumatic things to go through.

Try to do something nice for yourself today. Eat your favorite ice cream, watch your favorite show, go for a jog.



SHARKY said:


> I am not moving out of the house because I did not check out.


Good for you. Do NOT move out at all.


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## SHARKY (Nov 30, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> (((Sharky))))
> 
> I am sorry. The pain IS unbearable at times. Divorce and the end of a long-term relationship are extremely traumatic things to go through.
> 
> ...


Jellybeans,
Thank you love for your input always!

I told her that their will be ground rules in the house out of respect for our daughter. She wanted me to leave the house and I said no way no how, I did not check out or cheated for that matter for me to leave. I told her that just because we are living in the same roof that she will not be coming home at 6 am now whenever she wants. Her answer was that she has nothing to do with me anymore and she will do what she wants. It is not easy dealing with someone who is not rational. I am having a really tough day today.


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## peace (Jan 19, 2011)

Wow Sharky, so to hear about this. You are right! Do not leave your home, and be careful with her. She is caught and is desperate, watch out for false allegations. Stay put and let her be the one to leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf359 (Jun 10, 2010)

I told her that their will be ground rules in the house out of respect for our daughter. She wanted me to leave the house and I said no way no how, I did not check out or cheated for that matter for me to leave. I told her that just because we are living in the same roof that she will not be coming home at 6 am now whenever she wants. Her answer was that she has nothing to do with me anymore and she will do what she wants. It is not easy dealing with someone who is not rational. I am having a really tough day today.[/QUOTE]


Sharky I'm so sorry, your wife has lost it. How old is she, it my be midlife bull S**t. Keep us updated on it, I will pray for you and your daughter.


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## SHARKY (Nov 30, 2010)

wolf359 said:


> I told her that their will be ground rules in the house out of respect for our daughter. She wanted me to leave the house and I said no way no how, I did not check out or cheated for that matter for me to leave. I told her that just because we are living in the same roof that she will not be coming home at 6 am now whenever she wants. Her answer was that she has nothing to do with me anymore and she will do what she wants. It is not easy dealing with someone who is not rational. I am having a really tough day today.



Sharky I'm so sorry, your wife has lost it. How old is she, it my be midlife bull S**t. Keep us updated on it, I will pray for you and your daughter.[/QUOTE]

OMG! Thank you so much for that prayer. She is 35 and I am 40.
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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Sharky: I started a post today asking if anyone has filed for a divorce to get their spouse's attention. I went to see an attorney a few weeks ago to learn about divorce laws. She said that they normally sent a letter to your spouse (had an EA) to inform them that you have retained an attorney etc...Do you think that filing and her actually seeing the document will get her to talk? I am on the fence if I should file just to let him see that I am serious. Keep me posted and good luck.


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## SHARKY (Nov 30, 2010)

VeryHurt said:


> Sharky: I started a post today asking if anyone has filed for a divorce to get their spouse's attention. I went to see an attorney a few weeks ago to learn about divorce laws. She said that they normally sent a letter to your spouse (had an EA) to inform them that you have retained an attorney etc...Do you think that filing and her actually seeing the document will get her to talk? I am on the fence if I should file just to let him see that I am serious. Keep me posted and good luck.


Veryhurt, do not do something to get a reaction. Do it because your heart tells you to do it. I mean it, you can not change people and no matter how hard you try it will not change the way they feel. Only file if your are serious to move on without her in your life. It will BACK FIRE if you do it for a reaction....


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## SHARKY (Nov 30, 2010)

I feel that now that we are in the divorce stage and she has been the one to check out and have her fun. I do not trust her and feel that she may be capable of making anything up to get me out of the house. I am being kind and only talk on matters of our daughter, I will not get involved in the divorce in the house for the sake of a confrentation she might be wanting to have to provoke me. My lawyer has told over and over to not let her provoke me for me to get upset. If she gets out of control I will bring it to the judge and then all hell will break loose with her family against me and so on. I never thought that once your best friend is now your enemy.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DO NOT leave the house. At all.


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## harley (Apr 14, 2011)

Definitly do not move out of your house. She is the one who wants her cake and to eat it too. She is completely being irrational. How can she think you should put up with this type of behavior. I hope she is still trying to be a good mother even though she is not being a good wife. Good luck.


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## SHARKY (Nov 30, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> DO NOT leave the house. At all.


I will not leave for many reasons below.

I was not the one to check out.
I am the one to tuck my daughter to sleep for the past 6 yrs.
I am the one to take her to school every morning.
I prepare her uniform and make her braid.
I am the one that prepares her lunch.
I am the one to take her to all her after school activities.
I am the one she calls in the middle of the night for anything.
I am the one she comes to first when she wakes up.
I am the one to stay up when she is sick.
I do her laundry most of the time.
I taught her how to pray every night.
I taught her to make her bed every morning.
She has no fear of me ever leaving like she has with her mom.
I am the one that meets with the teacher.

I will fight for custody because she a mother who is a women first and a mother second. She is a good mom in her own way, not when it comes to true responcibility. She verbaly abuses her about her school work and I have proof. All I have to proove is that the mom is not giving my daughter a stable home as I am. I have all the times she has left and come back in the next day logged. A total of thirteen so far.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Good for you


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## BrianE (Nov 22, 2010)

SHARKY said:


> I feel that now that we are in the divorce stage and she has been the one to check out and have her fun. I do not trust her and feel that she may be capable of making anything up to get me out of the house. I am being kind and only talk on matters of our daughter, I will not get involved in the divorce in the house for the sake of a confrontation she might be wanting to have to provoke me. My lawyer has told over and over to not let her provoke me for me to get upset. If she gets out of control I will bring it to the judge and then all hell will break loose with her family against me and so on. I never thought that once your best friend is now your enemy.


Do NOT move out of the house. When it comes to kids as well 9/10 times whoever keeps the house has primary custody of the kids and being the father it's an uphill battle for custody.

Things my lawyer has told me for me to have a better chance at keeping the house and girls while being a father.

1. Stay in the house and make her be the one to live somewhere else, even if temporarily till she finds her own place.

2. If you can do this and come to some agreement the kids sleep in their own beds but she's welcome to visitation. This sets precedent that she agrees it's in the kids best interest to stay in the house.

3. She's going to throw out the I'm the mother card and the mother always gets the kids. Go ahead and go online and take a parenting class and a co-parenting class. So when she throws this card out there your lawyer can say you've taken action already by taking parenting classes. I just this morning took the parenting class at Parenting Class - Online Parenting Classes with Certificates $50 and going to do the co-parenting class tomorrow. $60 Judge will say yea you are the mother but he's take PROACTIVE measures in the interest of the kids, something courts really want to see.


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## SHARKY (Nov 30, 2010)

Great!
Thank you for this info, it wont hurt that is for sure. It is very difficult to know that you are the better parent and deal with the fact that the mother already told me that she is the mother and that I should leave the house because our daughter will be with her. All I said was we will se about that and I am not leaving here just because my daughter needs me now more than ever.


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## BrianE (Nov 22, 2010)

SHARKY said:


> Great!
> Thank you for this info, it wont hurt that is for sure. It is very difficult to know that you are the better parent and deal with the fact that the mother already told me that she is the mother and that I should leave the house because our daughter will be with her. All I said was we will se about that and I am not leaving here just because my daughter needs me now more than ever.


Yea, my lawyer said she can play the mother card and it usually works. However, if you keep the house 9/10 times who gets the house gets the kids. Not to disrupt their routines, sleep in same beds with their toys and so on. Only thing a judge will say is take a parenting class. Well, if you take one beforehand it's a double bonus because the judge seeings you are truly wanting the best for the kids.

This is all new info for me to. Spoke to my lawyer about moving forward Friday last week.

Class I took was easy. A bunch of reading and then exam at the end. Took me about 2 hours to read everything and take the exam. You get your certification within a few hours after passing to print off and give to your lawyer.


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## SHARKY (Nov 30, 2010)

BrianE said:


> Yea, my lawyer said she can play the mother card and it usually works. However, if you keep the house 9/10 times who gets the house gets the kids. Not to disrupt their routines, sleep in same beds with their toys and so on. Only thing a judge will say is take a parenting class. Well, if you take one beforehand it's a double bonus because the judge seeings you are truly wanting the best for the kids.
> 
> This is all new info for me to. Spoke to my lawyer about moving forward Friday last week.
> 
> Class I took was easy. A bunch of reading and then exam at the end. Took me about 2 hours to read everything and take the exam. You get your certification within a few hours after passing to print off and give to your lawyer.


I registered already but did not have time to do the test. I will start it tomorrow morning when I get to my office. My lawyer told me it was a great idea.
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## BrianE (Nov 22, 2010)

I'm taking my girls out to Olive Garden tonight. Just me and my 2 little ones!:smthumbup:


Since I don't have them this weekend I'm going to go ahead and do the co-parenting one as well tomorrow maybe.

The point is to get all your facts and ducks in a row for when she comes up with arguements you already have a solution that's already been done. Judge will look at her and ask, do you have anything else because he's being pretty proactive for the kids. So think of any other type of arguments or threats she'll use against you and go ahead and get something to counter ready and waiting.


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## SHARKY (Nov 30, 2010)

BrianE said:


> I'm taking my girls out to Olive Garden tonight. Just me and my 2 little ones!:smthumbup:
> 
> 
> Since I don't have them this weekend I'm going to go ahead and do the co-parenting one as well tomorrow maybe.
> ...


Thank you Brian for all your advice and good for you for taking the girls out tonight. I could not take the test today because I took the day off, and I do not want to do the test on the home computer.


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## sdesruiss (Mar 16, 2011)

Sorry it has come to this Sharky. I am 7 months in and I will see if I can hold out to the 1 year point. You are right, you have to move on if they are not willing to put forth the effort for the marriage. I wish you well.


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## RunningOnEmpty (Aug 29, 2010)

Sharky, sorry you are in this situation.

She can make a false domestic Violence claim, have the cops come and kick you out of the house. She can file for a Protective Order, and keep you from going back to your house, or seeing your daughter for months.

To do this all she has to do is pick up the phone. If she does any of this, it will seriously affect your custody battle.

Go to dadsdivorce.com, read and follow The List. Get and always keep with you an mp3 recorder. Do this today.

Your situation with your wife is very confrontational, she may and will do anything. Be prepared.


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