# Preparing myself for a threesome



## Bestofbothworlds (Feb 8, 2017)

Hi there all, so Husband and I have been married for a little over 6 years and we have a good relationship. H knows that I am bisexual and just until this year he has become comfortable enough to let me be with another female sexually. Recently our sex life and relationship has been amazing and our communication has been better than ever. We have both talked about a threesome being a fantasy but I find it extremely hard to put the jealousy aside. He is OK with just watching me with a girl but I'd like to try the threesome because it's something I've always fantasizes about. I love him and know he loves me with all his might, but I'm insecure of myself and that doesn't help the situation. What can I do to help prepare myself enough to eventually be able to experience this? Also how could I go about finding a female to join?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ahh threesomes the Russian Roulette of relationships.


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## Bestofbothworlds (Feb 8, 2017)

That's exactly why I want to be prepared and informed before making a decision. If this were to not happen, life would go on for us because we know it's not something we NEEF it's just something we'd like


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Don't.Do.It.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Bestofbothworlds said:


> That's exactly why I want to be prepared and informed before making a decision. If this were to not happen, life would go on for us because we know it's not something we NEEF it's just something we'd like


You THINK it is something you like, you won't know until it happens. Like what is he seems more turned on by her are you prepared for that. What is he is more attentive to her, prepared for that too. What if you are more turned on by her, is he prepared for that? What if he wants her again, prepared for that?

I have read 100s of post about this where it goes wrong. That's why I call it the RR of relationships. You may both love it, or it may destroy your relationship. Personally I never understood why things have to be be done because you like them. There are plenty of things that I would like to do but I don't because it's not worth the risk. If you have found love in your life. Which is one of the hardest things to find in this world, isn't that enough. I am probably older then you though and have grown to see it that way. That is my way of thinking anyway. Lifetime of love > a hour or two of lust. 

I take it you have already been with women in front of him right? Now this is your payback? He gets to participate? 

Anyway why are you posting this on here. I am sure there is a subreddit just for this with all the rules and other stuff to minimize the damage.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

@sokillme what?? Did you read the OP? She hasn't been with a woman - it's only this year when H had been comfortable with the idea.
@Bestofbothworlds there are a few people at TAM who talk about open relationships - @Vinnydee and @TaDor.

Maybe they can provide insight


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

I'll post tomorrow. In the meantime, check out the first post of my thread. We also started out just wanting a threesome and it morphed into a nightmare.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/#/topics/308378


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> @sokillme what?? Did you read the OP? She hasn't been with a woman - it's only this year when H had been comfortable with the idea.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



The post wasn't clear. I read it to mean same way @sokillme did. Chill out.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

So the question is how to get past your jealousy so your husband can be with an OW that YOU are going to be with as well. 

You need to search threesomes gone wrong. You will have your answer. Never works out when one of the party starts from your position. 

Yes there are those that are in to this, but it just sounds like they are defending their choice. 

Last question, why is it ok for you to be with her and not your husband?

That is where the jealousy is coming from, you want your husband all to yourself. Which is how it should be. Just like I want my wife all to myself. So why should you be allowed to play with another?

Take it for what it is worth. You won't stamp out the feeling you are having with out losing part of yourself.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> The post wasn't clear. I read it to mean same way @sokillme did. Chill out.




Chill yourself out. A bunch of people shaming and talking down to OP with knee jerk reactions who are just scarred from their own completely different marriages.

Finally someone with a relevant experience posted and only a few people here have similar experiences.




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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Bestofbothworlds said:


> Hi there all, so Husband and I have been married for a little over 6 years and we have a good relationship. H knows that I am bisexual and just until this year he has become comfortable enough to let me be with another female sexually. Recently our sex life and relationship has been amazing and our communication has been better than ever. We have both talked about a threesome being a fantasy but I find it extremely hard to put the jealousy aside. He is OK with just watching me with a girl but I'd like to try the threesome because it's something I've always fantasizes about. I love him and know he loves me with all his might, but I'm insecure of myself and that doesn't help the situation. What can I do to help prepare myself enough to eventually be able to experience this? Also how could I go about finding a female to join?


I left an open relationship to be with my current partner. Like you, I too am bisexual. My partner is fully aware of this and stated from the beginning that while he would not agree to an open relationship, he had no qualms about me having a gf. I would not be obligated to share her with him and if I did want to bring her home, he would not be interested in her participating but would want her to watch the two of us have sex. He's long had this fantasy about seeing the jealousy on another woman's face towards the woman he's with.

I was quite happy about that arrangement when we initially discussed it and thought myself really lucky to have a serious partner who was willing to let me explore my fantasies with a woman. I haven't yet acted on his offer. While I have zero concerns about falling in love with a woman or the woman watching turning into a 3some, I no longer think it is worth the risk. My past open relationship started out with the very best intentions including couples counselling to set boundaries etc., it turned out to be a disaster. I ended up falling in love with someone else and I hurt that person and my ex very badly. In the moment I was so blind to the pain I caused. 

I am not a very jealous person unlike the way you present yourself. I'm not sure that even if you did find a way to overcome the jealousy and partake in the act, that you would be able to deal with the jealousy that comes from seeing another woman please your man and do things in bed that you don't do or you do differently. You need to be very honest with yourself about that. You have nothing to lose by doing nothing and everything to lose by taking part in the act. My wild sexual/relationship past has taught me to heed the precautionary principle. I'm too happy with my current partner to take these risks anymore, I just don't think it's worth it.

There are other ways to introduce some spiciness without the risks. We use porn, role playing and strip clubs to replicate the taboos and risks of another woman. He gets extremely turned on by seeing strippers come onto me and if I'm lucky he'll indulge me by letting me get him a lapdance. 

If you're adamant about doing this, go slowly. Perhaps try things in public first to test the waters. There are exclusive sex/swingers' clubs that you two can become members of. In the past, I've had better luck meeting people there than online. Talk to your partner about your fears and jealousy. Be honest with each other and decide together if it is worth the risk and how you two would deal with all the what ifs that could make things go very wrong, very fast.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I don't get this. I mean, I'm hetero and I like women, and I never banged another chick while I was married. Does the fact that it's the same sex mean it's ok? Like, if I wanted to bang a dude, my wife should be ok with it?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Pandora's Box.

Open it at your own peril.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I have had friends ask my advice on how to prepare for a threesome. My standard advice to them has always been to get a box of condoms and referrals to good lawyers.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Unless you can deal with the jealousy issue, a threesome is a bad idea. As it is, you are very lucky that your husband agrees to let you have a lover at all, without him having the same option, it seems. He is dealing with his jealousy issues, apparently, if he has any. What is the worst case for you, though? That you go ahead with this, and freak out if your husband and gf have a good time? What is that going to do to both your relationships, in that case? If you can't handle the fallout of that scenario gracefully at the time and afterwards, and without sabotaging either relationship (especially that with your husband), then you aren't ready to try this.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Why people want to go out of their way to mess up a good relationship is beyond me. Are you finding life boring?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Bestofbothworlds said:


> Hi there all, so Husband and I have been married for a little over 6 years and we have a good relationship. H knows that *I am bisexual* and just until this year he has become comfortable enough to let me be with another female sexually. Recently our sex life and relationship has been amazing and our communication has been better than ever. We have both talked about a threesome being a fantasy but I find it extremely hard to put the jealousy aside. He is OK with just watching me with a girl but I'd like to try the threesome because it's something I've always fantasizes about. I love him and know he loves me with all his might, but I'm insecure of myself and that doesn't help the situation. *What can I do to help prepare myself enough to eventually be able to experience this?* Also how could I go about finding a female to join?


If you are indeed bisexual, the first step would be to try being open about this with all your friends and family and become confident with those reactions regardless of if they are harsh or supportive. Once you can deal with that, THEN you begin a discussion with your husband on how to explore those feelings. If you can not deal with your own parents knowing you are bisexual and you are unable to be open about it with everyone, then do NOT do this. Instead it might be better to go to therapy to understand better why you are uncomfortable with other people knowing and deal with THAT first.

Regards,
Badsanta


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Unless both of you are EXTREMELY self assured, I would NEVER open the marriage to an occasional third. If it is FMF, then you run the risk of having mind movies til the end of time of your husband having sex with another woman in your bedroom while you may be a participant, the likelihood is that at some point you will be a spectator, and what you see may not be healthy for your relationship. MFM could be just as deleterious except you give your husband mind movies. (I could not live with watching someone else **** my wife, let alone that both of you may experience acts that you have never before participated in, and even that could end things for you.) If you want to get this out of your system, go to a swingers club, just to watch, and not participate, but get it out of your system, in my experience (NOPE! There is no way I could even think of opening my marriage-not that confident-I hear from clients that have wrecked their marriages by opening them and I have clients that work in a club), every marriage that has been opened, ended up damaged if not destroyed. (Could you watch your husband have sex with someone other than you? If you cant, then do not even entertain this notion)


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Chill yourself out. A bunch of people shaming and talking down to OP with knee jerk reactions who are just scarred from their own completely different marriages.
> 
> Finally someone with a relevant experience posted and only a few people here have similar experiences.
> 
> ...


No one shamed her, we gave opinions. Besides that, a person's shame is their own no one shames anyone. You can tell me I am wrong evil or whatever and I would tell you to blow off and not feel shamed at all. The feeling of shame is always internal and created internally.


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

I consider myself bi-curious ... I have a strong attraction to women as well as men, but have never acted on it. I discovered this during my 20 year marriage. A FFM threesome is a natural fantasy that I have as a result, and H and I enjoyed fantasizing about it together many times. 

While my H would have been more than happy (downright ecstatic TBH) if we had gone for it, I was more hesitant for these reasons:

1. In the fantasy, nothing goes wrong. It's sexy and hot... I am in control and OW since she is a fantasy has no input. A real OW has her own agenda. 

2. In the fantasy, watching my H with OW is hot... in reality I would have clawed her eyes out :grin2:

3. In the fantasy, my being with OW is sexy to watch for H... in reality he would probably feel left out.

4. His enthusiasm (and occasional pushing of the idea) made me question his motivation... was this an experience he wanted to share with me? Or did he just want a way to have it be OK to have sex with OW.

5. While I'm very sexual and confident in my sexuality, I'm not confident in my body... so I never felt secure enough that H wouldn't prefer OW to me.

6. Part of me worried that I might prefer OW to H :surprise:

So, we never did it. We did find other outlets though... we indulged in FFM porn together... we discussed the fantasy during sex... and we occasionally visited strip clubs together and shared lap dances. 

For me, it was just never worth risking the damage it might do to our marriage. In hindsight, H's willingness to risk our marriage for one hot threesome should have been a red flag.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

RideofmyLife said:


> I'll post tomorrow. In the meantime, check out the first post of my thread. We also started out just wanting a threesome and it morphed into a nightmare.
> 
> Talk About Marriage Home


This link goes nowhere.


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

If you're insecure and jealous, don't do it at all. You can think of all the ways it might go wrong and try to prepare for it, but trust me, AND I KNOW, you can never prepare for what will jump out of the woodwork at you. It sounds like he's been reluctant and you've convinced him to come around. It sounds like he's willing to take one for the team, in other words. And that's never good. If it goes wrong, he'll harbor resentment. 

I talked to a guy once when hubby and I were going to poly events and he and I were discussing how a lot of marriages that become open disintegrate quickly. He and his girlfriend had been together several years and had a baby. He said that they both identified as non-monogamous as single people and that was what they were looking for in another partner. He ascribes their success to that fact. I think it's risky business to go from being each others one and only to then opening it for a free for all. You think the foundation of your marriage is rock solid? Opening your marriage to this will expose all the nasty cracks that you never even knew were there.


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

sokillme said:


> This link goes nowhere.


Thanks, plus I forgot my thread is in the private section, so she wouldn't be able to read it anyway.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OP
Threesomes work for some people, but not for most. I think that for a thresome to work you need 2 things:

1). One partner needs to be bi, so that they are interested in the 3rd person. (you are great there).
2). Both partners need to be completly free of jealousy. You do not seem OK there.

I believe that I am free of Jealousy. I have never wondered what my wife did with previous lovers or if they were better than me. I find it amusing that she is attracted to actors etc. Even when early in our dating she dumped me for another guy, I was never angry at him, or even at her. I think that a FFM or FMF threesome would work for *me* because if the other woman was better at pleasing my wife than I am, I'd view it as a chance to learn -and as really hot. My wife is not bi (nor am I), so for #1 above a threesome is out for us. (which is fine, its not a top fantasy for me or anything).

OP, you already are concerned about being jealous, so I think this is a *bad* idea. How will you feel he gets more excited about the other woman than about you? Could you pass it off as just novelty? What it she is able / willing to do things for him that you are not? 

Also, what if he is jealous of your interaction with the 3rd person?


Let me be clear: I see nothing immoral about a 3-some, in fact it sounds really awesome. I just worry though that it could end very badly. Its up to you if it is worth the risk.

Despite what I just said, if my wife said she wanted a FMF or FFM threesome, I would take her up on it - knowing that I would likely regret it later.....

One more note - don't forget that the 3rd person is also a person with feelings. A former girlfriend of mine was the 3rd in a FFM threesome. Even though everyone physically enjoyed it, she ended up feeling sort of used, like a plaything for the couple.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

uhtred said:


> OP
> Threesomes work for some people, but not for most. I think that for a thresome to work you need 2 things:
> 
> 1). *One partner needs to be bi*, so that they are interested in the 3rd person. (you are great there).
> ...


All good advice, but I disagree that the bolded is necessary; if FMF, the focus is mainly on M, and in MFM, the focus is mainly on F, but everyone still has a good time.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> All good advice, but I disagree that the bolded is necessary; if FMF, the focus is mainly on M, and in MFM, the focus is mainly on F, but everyone still has a good time.


If I am having a threesome with me, myself, and I, it is helpful for at least _one_ person from the group to consider being bisexual, but definitely not the other two. It makes for somewhat of an interesting conflict of interests that creates a rather entertaining form of angst.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

May depend on the person, but at least for myself, I'm sufficiently straight that I wouldn't enjoy a MFM, I would't be comfortable engaging in sexual activity with another guy involved, even if I wasn't in physical contact with him.

Just me, others probably feel differently. 






Married but Happy said:


> All good advice, but I disagree that the bolded is necessary; if FMF, the focus is mainly on M, and in MFM, the focus is mainly on F, but everyone still has a good time.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Definitely don't do it. When you start involving others sexually in your marriage, your making it way weaker if not killing it.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Chill yourself out. A bunch of people shaming and talking down to OP with knee jerk reactions who are just scarred from their own completely different marriages.
> 
> Finally someone with a relevant experience posted and only a few people here have similar experiences.
> 
> ...


FWIW, my DH has experienced multiple threesomes and that is why he decided to end the LTR he was in and start dating me. I also have a considerable number of friends and family members who have done FMF or MFM or both. Out of all the couples I know who did it, only two are still together. One of those marriages is an absolute hot mess and they are only still together because they have young children and cannot divorce for financial reasons. The other marriage is a great marriage and has lasted over 25 years.

I attempted it once and it did not go well. About the time clothes started coming off, I was so numb that I just told them to continue on without me if they pleased, but I was going to get something to eat.

When my sister tried it, she's the bi one, she was all good with it until the OW started kissing and fondling her DH. At that point, she lost her sh*t and started punching people and throwing heavy objects at heads.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Bestofbothworlds said:


> Hi there all, so Husband and I have been *married for a little over 6 years* and we have a good relationship. H knows that *I am bisexual* and just until this year he has become comfortable enough to let me be with another female sexually. Recently our sex life and relationship has been amazing and our communication has been better than ever. *We have both talked about a threesome being a fantasy* but I find it extremely hard to put the jealousy aside. *He is OK with just watching me with a girl but I'd like to try the threesome because* it's something I've always fantasizes about. I love him and know he loves me with all his might, but I'm insecure of myself and that doesn't help the situation. What can I do to help prepare myself enough to eventually be able to experience this? Also how could I go about finding a female to join?


Dear Best of both worlds; 

I think you have gotten lots of good advice. The most important is to not do the 3-some or if you do to be very careful. 

I think some women (and men) who have tried this or thought about it carefully, have given great advice.

Never having done a 3-some, I will give you advice from my perspective. It is contained in something I posted recently that seemed right from a TED talk I had seen long ago.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/17328898-post108.html

Be very careful and my advice would be if you and your H are h#ll bent on doing this, move into it very, very slowly in small steps to make sure you don't find that you have crossed a boundary that destroys you marriage. The author of the TED talk suggests "thoughts without actions," "words without actions," and even "actions without actual technical violation of wedding vows."

If it were me, I would opt for role playing and not risk loosing a good relationship, but you and your H get to make that decision. 

I suspect that if you were to sit down and do some real introspection you might want to ask yourself why do YOU want to have the 3 some? What is it that you hope to achieve turning this fantasy into a real experience? You said that you are bisexual, but married. I am heterosexual, but married. Even though I am heterosexual, I don't want my sex to be with anyone but my spouse. You want to explore your bisexuality, even though you are married.

You need to ask yourself what does marriage mean to you and what does it mean for your husband? If marriage is about children, finances, and social position to both of you then, having a little on the side probably isn't too big a deal. Really understand what marriage means to the both of you. What are your boundaries?


What is it that you hope to get out of your threesome? 

What do you want your H to get out of it? Seriously, what is it that you want him to experience and is there any other way that you can provide that to him in the context of your marriage? Or is it that there is something about his participating in a 3 some that you want for yourself? 

Perhaps it is that you don't want to feel guilty in cheating on him and if he is there cheating on you at the same time it will morally cancel out? Two wrongs don't make a right.

That is why if you and your H are into this, I suggest you follow the advice from the TED talk of Monogomy 2.0 and go to a strip club, call a phone sex operator, or figure out a role play that will allow you to mentally explore your fantasy without turning it into reality. Maybe you can convince your H to get a wig, some fake breasts, a dress and be your "other girlfriend for a night." That is probably not what you really want. 

You probably want to have it all, your husband and a bisexual lover on the side. If that is truly what you want, then make sure you truly know what you can give each and the limits of your ability to love two people at the same time and which of the two will be your priority when there is a conflict.

Good luck.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> Dear Best of both worlds;
> 
> I think you have gotten lots of good advice. The most important is to not do the 3-some or if you do to be very careful.
> 
> ...


This is a wise post.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)




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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

While technically the opposite of your question MMF and not FFM

This humorously shows how sideway this could go.

Inside Amy Schumer - Penetrating Phil


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Did we scare her off?☹


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

ABHale said:


> Did we scare her off?☹




Ya think?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Ya think?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Your call sign says it all.


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## Bestofbothworlds (Feb 8, 2017)

I'm still here, just busy with work and being a mother and wife lol. I took the time to read every single comment and I appreciate every one of them. I think I knew before even posting here that there is no way I could really "prepared" for this and for it to have a good outcome. The risks are greater than any good that can come from this. Maybe just reading all this is what I need to let go of the idea.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Bestofbothworlds said:


> H knows that I am bisexual


At what age did you realize you were bisexual? Have you had any sexual experiences with a female? If so, a lot or a little?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Bestofbothworlds said:


> Hi there all, so Husband and I have been married for a little over 6 years and we have a good relationship. H knows that I am bisexual and just until this year he has become comfortable enough to let me be with another female sexually. Recently our sex life and relationship has been amazing and our communication has been better than ever. We have both talked about a threesome being a fantasy but I find it extremely hard to put the jealousy aside. He is OK with just watching me with a girl but I'd like to try the threesome because it's something I've always fantasizes about. I love him and know he loves me with all his might, but I'm insecure of myself and that doesn't help the situation. What can I do to help prepare myself enough to eventually be able to experience this? Also how could I go about finding a female to join?



You got married to the man you love, under the holy bonds of matrimony and your weddings vows. In front of both sets of parents, close friends and relatives.

Now 6 years later, you have the itch. You want to have sex with another woman and have your husband also have sex with her at the same time.

Do you not understand adultery???

If you truly loved your hubby and respected the institution of marriage, God and parents, you would never go and do this.

You will be breaking your marriage vows, having sex with someone else you are not married to and that's cheating.

This is very selfish of you.

If you really fancied the ladies, you shouldn't of married your loving hubby and stayed single.

It's really sad today, that people actually think its okay to have sex with other people while married.......another reason why society is going down the tubes and people wonder why?

If you believe in God and the holy bonds of matrimony, you stay faithful to each other.

If you don't believe in God, marriage is basically a legal contract and piece of paper, have your 3 some and when you get divorced down the road and are back here, don't expect sympathy.


The title of this thread should say, Preparing myself for a "divorce".


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

@ Bestofbothworlds : As stated by many people here - opening the marriage requires the ability, to be honest with each other, secure in your bodies, communications and more.

I've done quite a lot of 3somes, those while not in a serious relationship are quite fun. Being in a marriage changes that for many people if they aren't fully on the same page. Now, there are quite a lot of successful relationships, especially swingers and especially when they are older in their years (60+). But the rates of failures may vary between culture, age and who you talk to.

An OR (Open Relationship) couple that I know of, are doing very well but have recently slowed things down on their own. (We have played with them) They are still OR, but after 6+ years together they don't do as much. We are friends of them, do friends things that have nothing to do with sex.

A female friend of mine just broke up with her fiancee. The breakup had nothing to do with her two boyfriends. He was abusive with a drinking problem.

I know of quite a lot of OR people who are doing fine in the various social circles (but we're not active in). OR and cheating happens a lot more than anyone imagines... its not very public.

You are bisexual, you are both interested - but it seems more fantasy. But you jealousy issue *WILL* mess with your mind. My wife is bisexual as well. She even had her own fantasy that was me > woman > wife sex. We did that. But yet months later, turns out she still had some jealous issues. Or some people totally LOSE THIER minds if their SO kisses someone else... the sex, sure - that's okay. Who knows, maybe your husband will feel strange and lose it by watching you kiss another woman TOO much? There are stories in which husbands have wanted to watch another man have sex with their wives... then they get nervous when the night happens, then start losing it during the sex act = fight.

There is a good book called More than two which also has an equally good website (link to site on its jealousy section) https://www.morethantwo.com/becomingsecure.html
I was generally poly before my wife. Dating 2-3 women at the same time, even at the same place & time. I didn't force my wife into it - but she thought it was something she can handle. After her affair and trauma. I have no desire to be poly anymore and not in exchange of harming my relationship. We still have our kinky side. But we don't do the things we were doing the two years before. I have no interest in having GF on the side, nor does she want BF or GF on the side. 

I still support OR, each their own. A little Open vs swinging vs poly are different spectrums and what works for some people, don't work for others. For example, going to a stripper joint and having fun with a few strippers maybe enough to get what you two want. Wife and I plan to go sometime in the near future, but it's low on our priorities.

I provided the weblink above to allow you access to excellent materials on the subject - even thou its poly. Who knows, you maybe 2 or 5 months or years from now, one or both of you want to do try this? It'll help. One thing is for certain if either of you have jealousy issues - its a PROBLEM. My wife was jealous with my experience and thought I didn't care about her (among other issues) when things were the opposite. This is failure to communicate.

You and your husband already talked about this, you asked questions first which WAS very good of you. I don't think you are ready for it, you don't think so either. (good) But its something your husband is aware of, is supportive and likely not forget. So having those tools ahead of time can be handy for discussion "my jealousy is an issue". If you both ever do this, talk about it, set up rules, read the link I gave you - they have PDF files on various things. Here is my short list of rules: 1- Don't do it a lot. Like maybe once a year or two. If you do it a few times a week or month with the same person - a bond will form = divorce. 2 - Do it together. 3 - Do NOT do anything behind the others back... even talking = cheating. 4 - Any issues that come up. FULL STOP, talk, re-evaluate and don't blame.

Opening up the marriage can expose cracks can result in cheating. But also, realistically. Obviously, something is wrong when one person in a monogamous relationship *IS* cheating on the other, being OR is not required. I have had sex with over hundred women, but never have I cheated on my wife or came close to it. It sure hurt like hell when she did.

I hope this helps.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Ah, the utter enjoyment and sheer pleasure of getting to watch your dear H commit adultery right before your very eyes!

And he getting his jollies watching you do the very same thing before his!*


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Bestofbothworlds said:


> Hi there all, so Husband and I have been married for a little over 6 years and we have a good relationship. H knows that I am bisexual and just until this year he has become comfortable enough to let me be with another female sexually. Recently our sex life and relationship has been amazing and our communication has been better than ever. We have both talked about a threesome being a fantasy but I find it extremely hard to put the jealousy aside. He is OK with just watching me with a girl but I'd like to try the threesome because it's something I've always fantasizes about. I love him and know he loves me with all his might, but I'm insecure of myself and that doesn't help the situation. What can I do to help prepare myself enough to eventually be able to experience this? Also how could I go about finding a female to join?


IMO, if you have to ask these questions, you're not ready, and likely never will be. The input you'll get (especially from here) will be overwhelmingly against it, for obvious reasons.

There are very few people capable of this (especially in marriages), and they simply know they are. Those that have to ask questions, seek input, test the waters, etc. - nope.

Apart from that, if one has insecurities of any kind related to their body, or just their over all sexuality, this is a bad idea. If even the thought of the possibility of the other person turning on your partner more than you has entered your mind, this is a bad idea. If you have any jealousy whatsoever, this is a bad idea.

These types of things, as I said, are best left to those very few who are capable of them. Those who have no jealousy whatsoever. Those who have no insecurities about their bodies.

AFAIC, those aren't learned behaviours, they're just inherent.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

...


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

As a bisexual married woman I've got to say, I hope you consider yourself very lucky for having a husband who is so sexually liberated and trusting.

If you're really going to do this, I think it's very important to set all kinds of very specific ground rules.

Will the three of you only be together for that one night? Should you consider it cheating if one of you decides to get with her again? Is your husband okay with you potentially having a girlfriend? Will there be alcohol or other mind-altering substances involved at all, because that can affect attraction and make you feel in-love? Will you have a safeword you can use during the act that's code for, "I'm feeling betrayed and/or jealous because of what we're doing right now. We need to stop and talk this out"? Are you okay with stopping the act abruptly if one of you starts to get jealous? How will you deal if you complete the act, but afterwards one of you feels jealous or betrayed? What are you going to do if one or both of you falls in love with her?

You need to be prepared to hear your husband say, "I didn't think it would end up like this but I think I'm in love with her. She's so beautiful and she gave me everything you never could." You need to have a plan for what you both will do if that happens. Likewise, he needs to be prepared in case you say the same thing to him.

You need a plan for this situation. For example, if one of you falls in love with her, will you both agree to cut off all contact with her forever, make sure you never even so much as walk by her again? Or maybe you'll both agree to have an open relationship with her as the third party. Would you be married to each other with her as the side-piece both of you share? 

Dealing with willingly exposing yourself to the risk of falling in love with another person and/or out of love with your spouse is an enormous burden. You both need to be mature enough to know what to do.

The only right answer in any of these scenarios are the answers that make sense to both of you.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I wonder if the best approach is to hire a professional. An escort who is being paid to let the OP experience sex with another woman, and a 3-some, but very clear boundaries about any emotional attachment. No pretending or thinking someone is in love. I financial transaction, not to be repeated except by joint consent.

I'm not in any way saying this solves all the problems, but it might help with some of them.


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

uhtred said:


> I wonder if the best approach is to hire a professional. An escort who is being paid to let the OP experience sex with another woman, and a 3-some, but very clear boundaries about any emotional attachment. No pretending or thinking someone is in love. I financial transaction, not to be repeated except by joint consent.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm not in any way saying this solves all the problems, but it might help with some of them.




That's the only way I would have EVER considered it... but I still felt there was too much at stake in my marriage to risk it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Some good responses. @TaDor seemed most helpful in regards to reference material. Several left their judgements behind.

Personally I feel for you because you were born with your sexuality - I know mine is a huge part of who I am.

I'm glad you reached out - on TAM as elsewhere we have varied perspectives and experiences and if you can stand the occasional frontal assault you are better off for the feedback.

Good luck and keep posting. I think your perspectives can benefit others.

My family - wife and kids - think I'm nuts to spend time on TAM. My marriage is good. My W worries all you nutty folks will put bad ideas in my head ha ha. But I like a broader view of life than the see in my daily routine, and since I'm unleashing my amazing kids into the wild in short order it doesn't hurt me to see what's going on in the world.

Personally I love the pro idea. If you have an itch and this is who you are, and you go to Nevada you can probably have an amazing time for the two of you if you save up. He11 you can probably get 2 women and lavish your H with attention while you itch your scratch. Win/win. I also love the phone sex and strip club ideas. All are "safer" options and H might feel better giving you an experience he knows you'll appreciate. Good luck


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

Bestofbothworlds said:


> Hi there all, so Husband and I have been married for a little over 6 years and we have a good relationship. H knows that I am bisexual and just until this year he has become comfortable enough to let me be with another female sexually. Recently our sex life and relationship has been amazing and our communication has been better than ever. We have both talked about a threesome being a fantasy but I find it extremely hard to put the jealousy aside. He is OK with just watching me with a girl but I'd like to try the threesome because it's something I've always fantasizes about. I love him and know he loves me with all his might, but I'm insecure of myself and that doesn't help the situation. What can I do to help prepare myself enough to eventually be able to experience this? Also how could I go about finding a female to join?


don't do it, unless your ready to open the whole can of worms.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Ground rules and lots of communication. For me, we sleep with others on occasions. There is a cool down time as it were and we avoid sleeping with the same people or hanging out with them outside of sex. Prior to this relationship, I had a FWB that no matter how many times we had sex, we never went past friends as we had no romantic feelings for the other. I did have a FWB that developed feelings. So, my current way works best for me and my partner. I guess it is called monogamish and you can find out more if you listen to Dan Savage.

Some people will not know how they will respond until they try. It could be an amazing experience, fall flat on its face or okay. Really, until anyone tries it, they never know how they will respond. There could be negative or positive results.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

uhtred said:


> I wonder if the best approach is to hire a professional. An escort who is being paid to let the OP experience sex with another woman, and a 3-some, but very clear boundaries about any emotional attachment. No pretending or thinking someone is in love. I financial transaction, not to be repeated except by joint consent.
> 
> I'm not in any way saying this solves all the problems, but it might help with some of them.


Actually, many couples have gone this route with a professional to avoid such pitfalls. Things is, there are lots of women online asking for 3somes with another woman, either direction.

@ Mr.Fisty : Yep, I've had many FWB. Only a few became attached and wanted more and that is when I ended the sex. I warned them too. I am still friends with those who wanted "more" except one because she was nuts in a possibly dangerous way.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

@EllaSuaveterre : Both my wife and myself did things to PLEASE the other doing the OR period - which was a mistake. We would have dialed back big-time. I actually never had jealousy issues. Just the concerns, then drama when she started cheating.

Hell, I still I still have pics/vids of our adventures - they don't trigger me or anything else negative. None of the stuff we did that was open, bothered me. But the image of her AP or thought of her doing anything with the POSOM would be negative - even so much as touching fingers. I used to trigger, but I can discuss it like an old memory now.

You brought up good points about looking out for each other. When we were just dating and not knowing we'd be serious - we did a 3some. She had an "uh oh. I don't wanna" look and I ended it. I made up an excuse and we went to my place. Then we got serious, marriage, kid, etc. It would be years before we did anything like that again - It would take about 12 months to go from okay to affair/breakup. Its lucky that we do have some friends who support us being together, even when some of them used to be play-partners.


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## eroark (Feb 11, 2017)

Don't Do It. Flat out, DO NOT!!! I agree with quite a few posters above


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Hi,
Please leave it as a fantasy. You may think to live it is fantastic; however, this threesome deal, if you carry it out it will be forever engraved in your mind and his. It will be tagged in you heart every time you look at each other. It will be a close friend like that small headache in your temple that never goes away. Don't even bring another woman into your home for sex. Eventually both acts will eat at your husband and ruin both of your lives.

If you must do it, do it where your husband don't know you did it and keep it a secret. You then can cross it off your bucket list.
He will not be the wiser just as long as you can keep the lie going. Is there anything else you can share with your husband what you would like to do that is kinky without bringing anyone else in your bed?

Good luck. Don't do it anymore.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Don't do it period! Trusting, loving sex between committed spouses was never ever meant to be that way!

You have way too much emotionally invested in each other rather than to up and throw it all away in what is nothing more than a sheer moment of lurid carnal curiosity!*


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

Have to agree with everyone else. This will be the cancer that eats away at your marriage. You are already having concerns, which means that you know deep down it's not going to end well.


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## GPC2012 (Feb 13, 2017)

many years ago I had a GF that was bi curious, as time went on we discussed it at length and eventually agreed to a threesome. When the partner was found it happened to be a mutual friend that was married and very bi. As the discussion about logistics went on one weekend with the friend included she suggested that if we really wanted to give it a try she would only do it under one condition, that first we have one with her husband and the next weekend with her. It came to light that he had seen me semi erect while changing at the gym and for some reason all of a sudden decided he wanted to try a bi threesome with me and my GF. Well the next weekend was a three day weekend and Friday was M, M, G It was amazing I never thought seeing a man do me would be such a wild thrill and would have never thought him doing my GF would be so wild, I even tried him orally and it was OK not something I'd pursue on a regular basis but not bad.
Saturday was even more wild watching the two of them and being invited to fill in anywhere I wanted and all three of us rotating through the possibilities.
We ended spending Sunday and Monday with all four of us and that was the best weekend GF and I ever had, sadly she discovered that she really liked the bi end of it more and more. Last I seen her was commited to another woman. 
My point I guess to prepare maybe discuss all the possibilities and guage each or your emotional responses


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