# My heart hurts & he's a perv



## Sunshine007 (Aug 19, 2011)

My hubby and I have been together for 16 years now. I was brought up religious and he says he babied me for years to bring me into the adult world. I would throw out his porn in the early years. We had an intense sex life that felt magical to me. some years back he said he wanted to explore sex. I wish we hadn't. He wishes I would go back to it and be normal again. We did stuff I never thought I would, and admittatly had fun at the time. I was surprised to meet so many couples that decided to do these things together instead of cheating to satisfy their fantasies. However, I always freaked out afterwards due to feeling like I was cheating, worried how he could so easily do these things, then say he was so happy we were doing them together. It has been a few years since these activities, very sparse now. I don't want to participate. We are both so unhappy. I want to be emotionally cared for and would be happy making love, but he wants to watch porn, and as he says get freaky on occassion. I don't know what to do. I don't even care if we have sex ( wow I can hardly believe I have come to this point ) cuz I don't feel happy, I guess. Any guidelines, ladies? men?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Get to a couples, sex therapist. Swinging, which is what I assume you're talking about, is probably not a healthy thing for any marriage, even if some marriages can withstand the stresses.

However, I wouldn't put the blame totally on your husband. You engaged willingly. If you now wish you hadn't, that's fair. But you shouldn't hold your personal regret against your husband.

I think a counselor can help you leave the past behind and move into the future engaged in a mutually satisfying sex life.


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## Just Mira (Aug 21, 2011)

I doubt swinging or your past explorations have much to do with your current situation except that your husband relates it to a fun time, and you have building regrets because of your current situation.
You have obviously both distanced yourselves and are not on the same page at this point. To get back on the same page will take a lot of work. A counselor/therapist may very well be a good idea, but not a prejudiced, condemning one who automatically will say that your past adventures are bad. From what I have seen, that just creates problems. 
Your goal at this time is to re-bond with your husband and let him know that you are understanding of how he thinks, but what you need is an emotional, loving, deep connection with him.
He needs to understand that most women need the feeling of love and safety with a spouse. Without making love, just sex loses it's attraction.
I read your other post too, and your big sex drive taking such a dip is certainly a huge hurdle to get past at this point. 
It will take both of you working together to get there.


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