# Blindsided, please help



## MayaB (Mar 11, 2009)

I have been married almost 13 years and have 2 children.
Exactly a week ago, my husband sat me down and out of the blue informed me that he is not longer happy. My first question was if he still love me (expecting a yes) but again he surprissed me by saying that he did not know and that he has been having those feelings for a while.
Yes the relationship was not perfect and we occationally argued, but maily in the last month my severe depresion was getting worst. But I never imagine the extent of the problem, I was completly blindsided.
After talking he has agreed to attend ousiling but later also confessed that he was doing it our of guilt and presure. He no longer feels anything and wants out.
He refuses to touch me or be touched (no sex what so ever), nothing. It hurts so much.
I want to do everything to save my marriage, I have been reading a self help book, and will start counceling this Friday. But in the mean time how do I stop my destructive behavior, I want to appear strong and pretty, and have him fall in love with me again but all I seem to be doing is failing by appearing pathetic.
Any advise please, I feel like my heart has been choped in little pieces.


----------



## whyme (Mar 4, 2009)

it just stinks doesn't it. i am in the same boat just about. So, sorry but I have no answers. My husband was in the slumps for a few months telling me he loves me but not the same way!! duh....! and he is unhappy with everything in life. It is very hard to move past it all. WE do still have sex and it seems to be the best part of our lives lol. so very odd. I have tried this week to give him everything i would want....treat him like I want to be treated. So far, no luck. We are actually fighting tonight..but I am going to try again. We have 2 kids also...that kind of changes a lot also. I thought you would like to know you are not alone....if that helps at all....


----------



## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

Marriages become boring after a period of time. This is just a fact of life. Mine did, and it ended up in my wife having an affair... Well, actually... TWO of them.

She came to me out of the blue and asked for a divorce. I asked her if there was another man, and of course, she said that there wasn't, but within 2 weeks, I would find out that there in fact WAS another man, and that they had had sex on the same day that she told me that it was over for us.

I am not saying that there is an affair in your case, but I would not discount it either. Don't become clingy/needy for him. Be strong and try to get to the bottom of the problem.

Experience tells me that if this all showed up out of the blue, then there almost has to be someone else. Please feel free to read my story to see if it sounds anything like yours.

You can find my story here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...n/3372-my-wife-doesn-t-share-my-feelings.html

Good luck, and please do let us know how it is going for you. there are a LOT of helpful folks here that will offer you encouragement and support.

~Moog


----------



## MayaB (Mar 11, 2009)

So much for therapy! when we went to our first appointment on Friday, he said that he was not willing to work for the marriage. When we left from there, I was devastated and so angry that I told him everything I was feeling, I slaped him could not control my anger. After we come down and with his mother's help. We agreed on separating. He will live our home. We told our young children today and I am going on out of town with the kids for a couple days until he can get out. 
I am so angry and all I feel is hate. I did not deserve this all I love that man with my whole being. 
In order to survive I have decided that my husband is dead to me, I will need to start going over the grieving process.
I will somehow learn to be civil to the father of my children. But the husband is dead.
Please help, I need to stop hating, this feeling is eating me inside.
How can I cope with loving someone so much and at the same time hating them for hurting me so much and throwing me and our family away.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hi!

You aren't the only one facing this. You might try individual counseling. That has done wonders for me. Time has also helped heal some wounds.

I hate to say this, but there is a possibility that your husband is having an affair. I see the signs there. 

One other piece of advice--read "The Five Love Languages". It will give insight into why your husband fell out of love with you. If, indeed, it is too late to salvage your marriage, then it will prepare you for future relationships. It will also help you to understand what you need from a relationship.

Hang in there.


----------

