# I had an Emotional affair



## Xxxxx (Oct 25, 2012)

This first started with FBook... I started chatting with a guy I went to school with... At school we were both very quiet and lonely individuals, we used to sit next to each other in Chemistry but we never spoke... When chatting on FBook we just seemed to connect some how... then we met for a coffee and seemed to get on well.
We are both married with children and I felt it was wrong in doing this so foolishly decided not to tell my husband. A few weeks in my husband suspected something was wrong and confronted me about it. I tried to lie my way out of the situation because I was so scared of losing him... My husband didn't give in and I eventually told him.
My husband was gutted to say the least... he was really hurt by my actions for which I was very sorry.... The chatting to the other person ended.

Myself and my husband continued together... my husband blaming himself for not paying me much attention... we went away together for our anniversary and it was absolutely fantastic... we continued to do things together and made sure that we spent time alone.

2 1/2 years later myself and the other person got in touch again... I actually bought another phone so I could secretly text this person... I'm not proud of it at all but there was something about the things the other person used to say to me just swept me away in the moment.
Needless to say... my husband came out and asked me straight if I was in touch with *him* again.... I said that I was but couldn't explain why.... My husband then decided it was over...

I was completely and utterly gutted *just how my husband must have felt about all this*
I begged my husband not to leave but he was adamant that it was over...

Then this happened.... I couldn't see a way through this so I started to drink... * I'm only a social drinker so this was out of character* I got to a point where I couldn't see an end so I snapped.

This I am totally ashamed of.... I carried on drinking and I also took a lot of pills... after doing this I got scared and made a stupid announcement via face book....

The police was alerted and an ambulance was called... Off I went to hospital for the night...
My husband stayed with me and decided that we would stay together.

We carried on together and it was hard as I knew that he didn't really trust me and I don't blame him at all.... 
We moved house and I thought that we were slowly getting somewhere then...
I received a message from the other person asking how things were.... Very stupidly I answered... I did tell the other person that I missed them.. *I meant to talk to* My husband looked at my phone again and decided then that it was definitely over....

My husband left 5 days later.... 

I feel like I’ve lost a body part... I so hate myself for falling into this mess and listening to someone that I haven't really known for a long time. I am so very sorry to all those that I have hurt along the way especially my husband who has always been there for me and didn't deserve any of this.

I love him dearly but I know that he will never ever give me another chance... 

I openly admit that I have been completely stupid, foolish and deceitful... For that I will be eternally sorry.

This I dedicate to my husband who I will love always and I hope one day that he can forgive me.

I'm sorry... I love you.

Honesty... Trust... and Respect..... Break one and you break all 3. Xxxxx


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What a mess!! 

How old are you and do you have kids ?

Take the lessons you learnt in this relationship and treat the people who care for you the most a little better.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

Cheaters really don't seem to like it when the betrayed spouse has the spine to walk on them, do they? Really upsets the old banana boat when the BS doesn't blubber and rugsweep and drink the kool-aid.

I bet that ex-husband is living an awesome life right now. Props to him.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Xxxxx, what did you really expect to happen. Your husband gave you not one but two chances to be remorseful and do the right thing....and the first time, he actually was blaming himself! You paid him back by hurting him two additional times. There is really no excuse for this. What you have are issues of being able to have self control and being able to accept personal responsibility. Don't expect him back this time, no matter what desperate act you take to attract attention to yourself.


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## Xxxxx (Oct 25, 2012)

Comments appreciated.... Nobody feels as bad as I do.... I love him dearly and feel so stupid by being swept away with just talk. He didn't deserve any of it and I will be eternally sorry. I would do anything he asks to try to rebuild what we had.... From now on... My life is an open book to him. X


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

So what is your plan now ?


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

What do you want from us on this board?

My guess is you told him you would "do anything to make it right" last time too, right? Why would he believe you now?

As soon as that guy sends you another message, you'd just respond again. He knows it. You know it. Just let your H go.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Xxxxx said:


> Comments appreciated.... Nobody feels as bad as I do.... I love him dearly and feel so stupid by being swept away with just talk. He didn't deserve any of it and I will be eternally sorry. I would do anything he asks to try to rebuild what we had.... From now on... My life is an open book to him. X


You seem drawn to this stuff like a moth to a flame. Facebook is a fast and easy way to get someone roped in to giving you regular compliments and validation. It sets up a hormonal reward system in your brain--send a message, wait for a message. Read message. Send another message. 

I imagine MOST of the time, the high is at its peak when you see the message in your inbox, sometimes a spike or two while reading the message, but then there's an immediate letdown. Sort of like opening a present--it's WAY more exciting wrapped in the box before you know what's in it. And even if the present is something you always wanted--the excitement wears off. So you need another message, or another facebook relationship.

If you want to show your husband you're serious: find local Internet / porn addiction therapists and start going to them. What you have is a variation on "point and click" addiction. It's an ESCAPE. There is stuff in your life--boredom, anxiety, stress, depression and this silly facebook stuff is your drug to get by. Unless you treat it as seriously as any addiction, you will NEVER win him back.

You may still never win him back. But you will still want to avoid this in future relationships. Go figure out why you are so empty inside that you would destroy a decent marriage for a few clicks of the mouse.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Is this post some sort penance? I'm unsure if advice is required or if this is just a place to vent feelings.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

I feel very bad for you, the pain you are enduring. The consequences of sin can be devastating- and your family has suffered greatly for your sin, which must be difficult for you. 

I can't say I hope your husband returns to you, because you've shown numerous times that you care more about yourself than him, but I do hope that you are able to find peace. And I believe you will find true peace with true repentance, which is the tricky part-- I don't think you're the kind of person who can attain repentance through the threat of losing someone. Every time you got caught, you begged him not to leave, and every time he _didn't_ leave you cheated on him again. 

Sometimes the threat of losing someone isn't enough for us to change. Sometimes we need to lose that person forever. 

But the good news is people usually figure out exactly what they need to do the moment it's too late. You can use this experience to learn, to grow, to become a person. This is definitely going to help you become less selfish, and you will be able to help others who are going through similar situations. 

I wish you luck, Miss. My heart breaks for you.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Xxxx...why, exactly, did this HAVE to happen?


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## regretfullyhis (Aug 12, 2012)

Xxxxx said:


> This first started with FBook... I started chatting with a guy I went to school with... At school we were both very quiet and lonely individuals, we used to sit next to each other in Chemistry but we never spoke... When chatting on FBook we just seemed to connect some how... then we met for a coffee and seemed to get on well.
> We are both married with children and I felt it was wrong in doing this so foolishly decided not to tell my husband. A few weeks in my husband suspected something was wrong and confronted me about it. I tried to lie my way out of the situation because I was so scared of losing him... My husband didn't give in and I eventually told him.
> My husband was gutted to say the least... he was really hurt by my actions for which I was very sorry.... The chatting to the other person ended.
> 
> ...



I am a WAyward wife (ww) although I betrayed my spouse with my ex husband for three months it was only one time period 
I do know tht feeling of losing a body part as my husband has had to pack a bag and leave a few times when things got to much in his mind. Mine was emotional Affair as well but we didn't see each other for coffee drinks or good.

I can be a listening ear and agree that you were blessed for the first chance but doing it twice more I can't imagine how your husband feels, I pray for u that he gives u another chance if u seriously don't contact OM again...private message me if u would like to talk privately
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Xxxxx said:


> This first started with FBook... I started chatting with a guy I went to school with... At school we were both very quiet and lonely individuals, we used to sit next to each other in Chemistry but we never spoke... When chatting on FBook we just seemed to connect some how... then we met for a coffee and seemed to get on well.
> We are both married with children and I felt it was wrong in doing this so foolishly decided not to tell my husband. A few weeks in my husband suspected something was wrong and confronted me about it. I tried to lie my way out of the situation because I was so scared of losing him... My husband didn't give in and I eventually told him.
> My husband was gutted to say the least... he was really hurt by my actions for which I was very sorry.... The chatting to the other person ended.
> 
> ...


Is this post directed at your BS in the hopes that he will read this and give you another chance? It just seems to me that this isn't a request for advice as much as it is an attempted to lay out your feelings for the benefit of him to read this.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

I am sorry that you pushed him so far. Let this be a learning experience in your future relationship. Also let this be a lesson to all the WS out there that think "just chatting" is acceptable. BSs will only be pushed so far before they break.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

It's so sad to see how people does this kind of thing to themselves and those who love them...

I just want to reach you. It's seems like the end of the world. You have to live nonetheless. Get some counseling if you can, learn better coping skills, drinking, poping pills, runing away won't help you. Learn how to endure this pain better. The only way is through. There's another life at the end.

Be empathetic to him while things are sorted out, whatever it means, be humble, avoid manipulation, he's right to make the choice to pull the trigger for good. Empathy, compasion will help both of you.

Pain is no less becuase is self inflicted.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

It's past the time of begging, you've clearly indicated to your husband your true colors. In addition he should have taken matters into his own hands from the beginning and straightened out this other guy. You need to avoid alcohol and certainly pills. You destroyed your marriage, you tried to destroy yourself, what's next? Get yourself into therapy. And I'm not being sarcastic; get into therapy.


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## fishfast41 (Dec 12, 2010)

Xxxxx..The facts are that you cheated on your husband multiple times, you were extremely lucky when he took you back more than once. Now you get to feel the pain and hurt that you caused him, and I think you have it coming. Learn from this experience never to treat someone who loves you that much in this fashion. I think your husband was right to finally leave you for good, because you are not trustworthy by your own admission. I pray that you will grow up and learn from this to become a better person.


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## Sadman (Feb 25, 2010)

xxxxx is my wife ....... we have now officially separated.

For two weeks after separation she was absolutely distraught, she begged me to come back, asked if I would go to counselling with her, she said she would do anything to change to get me to reconsider.I wouldn`t budge as I`ve put up with too much upset. She would text and phone me alot, send me deep letters but I didn`t think I could consider going back to zero trust and more upset.

I turned to dating sites as a distraction, had a few dates but my heart wasn`t in it but it certainly helped me through the upset.

After two weeks of pleading, my wife gets asked out on a date, after her 2nd date he comes back to the house, they sleep together and he stays overnight. The kids get to meet him this way and basically he`s as good as moved in, he`s bought her a car after 3-4 days and she`s besotted.

It hurts me to think that she has moved on so very quickly after all her upset and begging. It`s like I`m an after thought and that she wanted someone, maybe not specifically me.

This hurts me the most, I miss her and my family home but it wasn`t meant to be.


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## regretfullyhis (Aug 12, 2012)

Wow my heart goes out to you Sadman
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Your wife sounds like one of those people who appears 'bewildered' by the things that 'happen' to her. She gets 'swept away,' she 'falls into' an EA. The alcohol and pills beckoned to her and she was helpless to resist. 

It's like life is one big series of unpredictable events that occur around her, about her, to her. How unlucky she is!

For you, though, she's like a hit-and-run driver. I know this is horribly painful for you, but you know you are doing the right thing by staying away.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I fear she'll continue to make all sorts of bad decisions & you'll continue to be hurt by them if you let her come back. So - painful, hard work now = better future for you.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

Sadman said:


> xxxxx is my wife ....... we have now officially separated.
> 
> For two weeks after separation she was absolutely distraught, she begged me to come back, asked if I would go to counselling with her, she said she would do anything to change to get me to reconsider.I wouldn`t budge as I`ve put up with too much upset. She would text and phone me alot, send me deep letters but I didn`t think I could consider going back to zero trust and more upset.
> 
> ...


Sorry for what your are going through. 

Divorce and move on. She won't be able to hurt you anymore.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Wow. I guess XXXXX has shown all her pleading was the bs you saw it as.

Your not divorced yet so you do no have to accept her having men over to the house around your kids. Go to a lawyer and have a morality clause added to the seperation agreement, No BFs around the kids or in your house. You still own half even if you arent living there.



Have you exposed to friends and family? If not do do


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Xxxxx joins TAM in October 2012 and .sadman is a member since Feb 2010. Am I not getting things?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

AngryandUsed said:


> Xxxxx joins TAM in October 2012 and .sadman is a member since Feb 2010. Am I not getting things?


It seems simple, sandman has been trying to save hs marriage for years, while his wife over and over again chose to lie and seek an outside relationship with an OM.

That's the core problem he has faced. Her long term actions did not follow her words. 

Perhaps if she had suffered some consequences like exposure, or if the OM had suffered blowback instead of being free of any consequences for continuing to pursue her over the years things may be different. She may have found the motivation to stop lying. 

Now a family is ending.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> It seems simple, sandman has been trying to save hs marriage for years, while his wife over and over again chose to lie and seek an outside relationship with an OM.
> 
> That's the core problem he has faced. Her long term actions did not follow her words.
> 
> ...


Not only that, now it's blatantly obvious OM was not ever the issue here, it was her deeply rooted issues and she found out her new suply 2 weeks out when she's clearly not ready for any kind of relationship, let along for a serious one. Yep already introduced to children, overnights... Stupid way to fill the void.

Sad, tragic.
I'm so sorry sandman.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Yeah, this lady isn't even as mature as my 11 year old daughter. Something deep is broken in that one. 

I completely agree with Shaggy - get that POSOM out of your f*cking house.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Sadman,

Serial cheaters are the worst. There is some deep, psychological problem that can not be cured or addressed over night. It could take years of professional help just to uncover the root cause. They can back off for a while but never really change. Her cheating will continue no matter who she is with.

In a year or two she might try to draw you back in, especially if she hears you are moving on with another woman in your life.

I know you are torn apart right now but your future will be better without her an the constant drama she brings with her cheating.


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## Xxxxx (Oct 25, 2012)

Dear all. The house is not f***ing his as we rent..... I may have what you call *cheated* via text... He had dates when he was still here with the *family*...... He likes people to feel sorry for him... Thats why he tells people everthing......

Except that he has forgotten to tell you lot that.... He text me all last week asking to come home..... I said NO because of everything that I'd done to him. And for you lot!!!! F*** Off.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Xxxxx said:


> Dear all. The house is not f***ing his as we rent..... I may have what you call *cheated* via text... He had dates when he was still here with the *family*...... He likes people to feel sorry for him... Thats why he tells people everthing......
> 
> Except that he has forgotten to tell you lot that.... *He text me all last week asking to come home..... I said NO because of everything that I'd done to him.* :scratchhead::scratch head:Now I'm seriously confused. Did you not write this
> 
> ...


So what is it you want?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Jonesey,

I think she is fed up with TAM /CWI member remarks. She is frustrated, what do you expect other than those comments?

AU


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

AngryandUsed said:


> Jonesey,
> 
> I think she is fed up with TAM /CWI member remarks. She is frustrated, what do you expect other than those comments?
> 
> AU


I posted that before i read her soon to be her ex-husband´s first post.


*nothing naughty like I thought they may be!) This man happened to be one of the men she cheated on her ex husband with.

Also found out she joined a naughty online dating agency, she denied she joined but I accessed her email, found her username and password and went into the site. All her details were in there and her mobile number which shocked me. She said she had no idea how that was in there etc, all lies.*

So after reading that. Don't expect much..

*Sadman* keep your head up.You will be fine.

I´m sorry how it turned out..


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

AngryandUsed said:


> Jonesey,
> 
> I think she is fed up with TAM /CWI member remarks. She is frustrated, what do you expect other than those comments?
> 
> AU


What I read was her husband reported on what her real actions have been versus her story she tells. Basically her husband exposed her here on TAM and she doesn't like it one bit.

Bottom line. She is still married, her husband is out for two weeks, and she's already got a new guy in his bed,

There is no good spin on those actions.

XXXXX. If you meant any of the original words you wrote then stop dating, stop sleeping with anyone other than your husband, and get busy actually fixing yourself and your marriage.


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