# Gross or not?



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Hey guys -- question for you: is having sex with your partner while she's on her monthly cycle or spotting, something that bothers you, or are you pretty indifferent to it?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Mostly indifferent. If you want sex every day, like we did (and usually still do), then you don't let that stop you. You find ways to make it work.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Pretty indifferent is a good way to put it. Ruling sex out of 15% to 30% of every month just ain't happening. Just don't expect long cuddles afterwards, I'm jumping right into the shower (which otherwise would be frowned upon).


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

That's kind of what I was thinking, and am struggling with at the moment. I was informed by my current SO that he just couldn't do it at that time anymore, and I spot, not flow (sorry for the TMI). Both our drives are high, and I'm struggling with thoughts of having to exclude sex for larger chunks of time.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

My girlfriend tells me “the tide is in so suit up.”In other words use a condom lol.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Nothing happens for at least a 24 hours of no spotting. My man is terrified at the sight of a little red. 🤣 He has had to witnesses too many middle of the nights and early morning hours accidents of a heavy cycle. So, its a big fat no thank you for him. It's funny because after the cramps, i am supper eager.😢


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

It never bothered me as much as my partners. My first girl friend didn't care at all. My ex was a fanatic about NOT having sex. Usually for two weeks before and two weeks after (haha). One woman I dated for a while was all about. So it varies I guess. I am not talking about heavy uncontrollable flows though.


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## azimuth (May 15, 2018)

When I was married we used the Softcup during that time and it worked wonders. No mess. He could feel it inside but it didn’t interfere with his or my pleasure. Sorry if that was tmi but I love the softcup in general.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Ynot said:


> It never bothered me as much as my partners. My first girl friend didn't care at all. My ex was a fanatic about NOT having sex. Usually for two weeks before and two weeks after (haha). One woman I dated for a while was all about. So it varies I guess. *I am not talking about heavy uncontrollable flows though.*


Me either; I'm on my cycle now, and am not wearing protection. My flow is *that light* that I'm not even spotting. Granted, on Friday I was spotting a bit.



azimuth said:


> When I was married we used the Softcup during that time and it worked wonders. No mess. He could feel it inside but it didn’t interfere with his or my pleasure. Sorry if that was tmi but I love the softcup in general.


Thanks for the suggestion; I'll look into this!


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Not at all...if the mood strikes, then strike back...just a great excuse to shower together after.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

If your flow is that light.... why even tell him when you are "flowing"? If he isn't tracking, then how will he know?


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Actually I should add, that the women who "allowed it" were also women who "pursued it". In a way it was hot as hell, knowing she wanted me so bad that even that didn't stop them.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

SunnyT said:


> If your flow is that light.... why even tell him when you are "flowing"? If he isn't tracking, then how will he know?


He won't notice at the time, but will notice and react when pulling out. It just sucks (SUCKS) because my cycle has been wonky for years, and it always happens a week before it's supposed to, so that probably cuts out 2 weeks during the month, just in case. :frown2:


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

You can play in the Red Sea, you just cant drink from it.

Sex on period? No problem. Going down during then? No thanks and wife wouldnt allow that anyway. It would have to be A LOT to freak me out. Guess every guy is different though. Some might think ewww if they get dirt or grease on their hands too.


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## Randy Lafever (Jul 8, 2018)

Lets face it, all intercourse is "gross". It's been established by scientists that our sense of disgust is decreased when we are sexually aroused. Because frankly, our species would have died out a long time ago otherwise.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

I am the woman.... And I find it gross.

Besides I like the freedom to have oral sex after intercourse, and that would be a no way from me if there was blood involved.

Luckily for me, Instead menstrual cups work fab for me - been using them for 15+ years. "Time of the month" no longer has any impact on my sex life.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Middle of Everything said:


> You can play in the Red Sea, you just cant drink from it.
> 
> Sex on period? No problem. *Going down during then?* No thanks and wife wouldnt allow that anyway. It would have to be A LOT to freak me out. Guess every guy is different though. Some might think ewww if they get dirt or grease on their hands too.


I agree with your wife there too, that's just a no-no during that time! It did get me to thinking though, because I find BJs to be pretty gross, and I get no joy or anything out of giving them. In fact, I'd prefer not to give them, but do it because I know my partner enjoys them. Makes me wonder about if tables were turned and I told him: no more sex during my cycle? No problem, I'll just be cutting way back on the BJs too. >

By the way, I wouldn't do that. Just made me wonder how my partner would feel because I'm feeling mighty rejected at the moment!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Middle of Everything said:


> You can play in the Red Sea, you just cant drink from it.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> Middle of Everything said:
> 
> 
> > You can play in the Red Sea, you just cant drink from it.
> ...


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## Proverbs21:19 (Jul 5, 2018)

lol....

I got my red wings early on.....only did it once, unknowingly. she didn't know either, but i came up for air and she's like no, no, no to kissing and sent me to the mirror. lol

it's cool though I got her back one time by letting her datshun move in, i scooted over....about 3 seconds later she's like WTF~!!!!!!


she didn't think it was funny, I laughed my ass off.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I (unintentionally) earned my red wings just in time, it was her 2nd or 3rd to last period ever.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

No. Never did bother me, if I wanted sex at that time.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Shower sex at that time of month, everything washes away, no muss, no fuss.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

I'm in for sex at any time of the month. During her period, she is getting a back rub with the sex too for sure


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

As far as Intercourse not a big deal. Agree with the shower idea, that's my go to as well.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Fairly indifferent, but the oral I normally love to give her has to take a back seat until another time. 

But it usually doesn't detract her from going that route! And that's good!*


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

I can do it, we've done it before but I kind of prefer to just wait until her time has past.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Middle of Everything said:


> You can play in the Red Sea, you just cant drink from it.


Amateur. :grin2:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My ex wasn’t into it, but it was because apparently the blood/flow stuff was irritating to his skin. Once I learned that I never suggested it again. I wouldn’t want to do something that caused any pain to the skin on his precious penis. (In case not obvious, that is not sarcasm).


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Thanks guys, I've actually been stressing about this a fair amount because my cycle is so wonky, and it would really decrease the amount of intimate time. BUT, another reason dawned on me: my ex. Two months or so after marriage, he told me that thoughts of sex stressed him out, and he pretty much wanted to just stop doing it, which made me feel very rejected. We eventually settled on a "sex schedule", but it only worked for him; not me, and sex became a chore. It was something that I did because I had to. Present-day relationship is unlike anything I've ever had, and makes me feel the warm fuzzies (something else I've never really had) towards my partner. I assumed that, like my ex, my current beau's request was non-negotiable, which made me feel awful and rejected all over again. It was like I was back in that toxic marriage. 

But, beau and I talked for awhile last night, and we're on the same page; his request wasn't non-negotiable, but more of a preference. I agreed to mention ahead of time if my cycle was active, and also suggested the shower afterwards if things got too messy, and he's down with that. Back on solid ground, and I'm over my freak-out and anxiety. Aye carumba


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

YAY for these grown up discussions!!


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## musicftw07 (Jun 23, 2016)

Indifferent to it. My philosophy is "It's just extra lube".

In the early stages of our relationship my GF and I blew off work one day to spend the day in bed. She started her period that day and, for some reason, the mess we made just made the sex even more "metal".

We still reminisce about that two years later. It's a hot, sexy, steamy memory for us.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Ursula said:


> Thanks guys, I've actually been stressing about this a fair amount because my cycle is so wonky, and it would really decrease the amount of intimate time. BUT, another reason dawned on me: my ex. Two months or so after marriage, he told me that thoughts of sex stressed him out, and he pretty much wanted to just stop doing it, which made me feel very rejected. We eventually settled on a "sex schedule", but it only worked for him; not me, and sex became a chore. It was something that I did because I had to. Present-day relationship is unlike anything I've ever had, and makes me feel the warm fuzzies (something else I've never really had) towards my partner. I assumed that, like my ex, my current beau's request was non-negotiable, which made me feel awful and rejected all over again. It was like I was back in that toxic marriage.
> 
> But, beau and I talked for awhile last night, and we're on the same page; his request wasn't non-negotiable, but more of a preference. I agreed to mention ahead of time if my cycle was active, and also suggested the shower afterwards if things got too messy, and he's down with that. Back on solid ground, and I'm over my freak-out and anxiety. Aye carumba


Just go with the flow😃


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> Just go with the flow😃


Haha, good one! :grin2:


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Round here we just call that vibe and BJ week. I don’t particularly mind some blood or spotting. But the Gf has some heavy heavy flow days. Just not pratctical. In addition I like the change up to bj week lol


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Never bothered me .


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> My ex wasn’t into it, but it was because apparently the blood/flow stuff was irritating to his skin. Once I learned that I never suggested it again. I wouldn’t want to do something that caused any pain to the skin on his precious penis. (In case not obvious, that is not sarcasm).


LOL. It doesn't sound like things ended pleasantly for you two.


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## cashcratebob (Jan 10, 2018)

My wife has a pretty heavy flow for 3 days typically. We use that time as a chance to "recharge" and build excitement for when we can come together. Plus, with four kids, it is good to have that time to recover sleep. 

Ideally it falls on a Monday...then we just go through the work week recovering sleep. If it falls on a Friday/Thursday, that kind of sucks and we (mostly I) might get a little play over the weekend. She has rarely ever wanted to have sex during that time. Honestly, I don't really care to either; it isn't a gross out thing, it's just that the sex tends to be more reserved/controlled. I would rather just wait to when it is back to normal and she feels super sexy.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

hinterdir said:


> LOL. It doesn't sound like things ended pleasantly for you two.


I’m not sure what you took from my post....but although we are divorced we are still very close, and there’s a chance we could end up back together. The divorce was very sad for us both but we worked through our emotions and now we are doing great. None of it had anything to do with this thread topic though, so I was confused by your post.

His penis really is precious to me. :grin2:

Even though I haven’t seen it in 3 years, I hope to again one day. :laugh:


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> I’m not sure what you took from my post....but although we are divorced we are still very close, and there’s a chance we could end up back together. The divorce was very sad for us both but we worked through our emotions and now we are doing great. None of it had anything to do with this thread topic though, so I was confused by your post.
> 
> His penis really is precious to me. :grin2:
> 
> Even though I haven’t seen it in 3 years, I hope to again one day. :laugh:


Ah, I see. I read it as sarcasm and belittling of him, kind of like, that wasn't ok with his "precious little penis" like you hated him or something.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Never bothered me. And when she wore a tampon, I would go down on her. Gross? Nope.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Okay, I think my freakout may have done some damage. In all honesty, we've only been hanging out for about 4 months and in a relationship for 3 months, so we don't know each other very well. I came out of a marriage where I didn't talk about much for about half of the marriage because when I did, I was berated. So, I got used to holding things in and just dealing with them. That needs to change, I know. I've told my beau that the next time something questionable comes up, I'll ask him about it right away instead of stewing on it for 3 days. 

My beau came over last night for a bit, and I apologized again to him for my reactions the previous night (I had apologized over the phone, but wanted to also do it in person). He told me that it's okay, that we're okay, and there was no need to apologize. I appreciate that, believe him, and am trying to hang onto that now, but I can't shake the feeling that he's acting differently towards me. He seems distant, less jovial and a little shorter and with his replies (talk and text).

Did I totally mess things up here?


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

Ursula said:


> Okay, I think my freakout may have done some damage. In all honesty, we've only been hanging out for about 4 months and in a relationship for 3 months, so we don't know each other very well. I came out of a marriage where I didn't talk about much for about half of the marriage because when I did, I was berated. So, I got used to holding things in and just dealing with them. That needs to change, I know. I've told my beau that the next time something questionable comes up, I'll ask him about it right away instead of stewing on it for 3 days.
> 
> My beau came over last night for a bit, and I apologized again to him for my reactions the previous night (I had apologized over the phone, but wanted to also do it in person). He told me that it's okay, that we're okay, and there was no need to apologize. I appreciate that, believe him, and am trying to hang onto that now, but I can't shake the feeling that he's acting differently towards me. He seems distant, less jovial and a little shorter and with his replies (talk and text).
> 
> Did I totally mess things up here?


Not if you trust what he said. Do you? It seems you are unsure. I would trust what he said.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

PigglyWiggly said:


> Not if you trust what he said. Do you? It seems you are unsure. I would trust what he said.


I do trust him, but to a point because I still don't know him super-well. I'm sure he would feel the same about me as well. So yes, I am unsure, and while I do trust his words, from my experience, actions tend to speak a little louder. Maybe my actions have changed too though, and he's reacting to that.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

Ursula said:


> I do trust him, but to a point because I still don't know him super-well. I'm sure he would feel the same about me as well. So yes, I am unsure, and while I do trust his words, from my experience, actions tend to speak a little louder. Maybe my actions have changed too though, and he's reacting to that.


Ask him. Tell him you have what might be some anxiety about this issue and you need a little extra reassurance. You can tell him it may be irrational but the reassurance would mean a lot to you. How he handles little requests like this will tell you a lot about the future. COMMUNICATE and do it early to set a precedent.


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## bluelily (Jul 10, 2018)

Just put some extra towel on bed or do it in the shower and you'll be fine. But some women do experience pain during period so don't be offended if wife says no


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

My wife was super self conscious when aunt flo came to visit. But me being the ol' retired Paramedic, assuaged said fears and let her know that being with her is the most important and like others said....Get a towel. Also, she states that the period seems to go faster or easier when sex is initiated. Whatever. As a medic, I had more blood on me EVERYWHERE, with complete strangers. So I feel, that she is the mother of my children and am pretty safe concerning bodily fluids. So I say...Pump away! lol

Side note: it is more gentle and love making quality. Not the raucous screaming pretzel forming crazed animal stuff. That would turn the room into a murder scene....


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## KM87 (Nov 5, 2017)

My husband is very squeamish when it comes to human blood. He butchers for a living, so go figure on that one! He tells me that human blood is way different than animal blood. I don't get it. But this is very unfortunate because during my period is when I am horniest and have my best orgasms. He is occasionally up for shower sex, but that's not my favorite because I get cold and uncomfortable in and out of the water. Then, the occasional rimes he is up for just getting dirty, I can't help but feel really self conscious knowing he's probably grossed out the whole time. It seems there's no winning on this one!
@Ursula I agree that you should talk to him about the distance you perceive. Setting the precedent early for good communication is a great plan!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

is having sex with your partner while she's on her monthly cycle or spotting, something that bothers you, or are you pretty indifferent to it?


Never stopped us.


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

I’m super horny and want sex as often as possible....but that’s one thing that grosses me out. I wish it didn’t because I get very frustrated during that week, but it does. 😞
It’s called “blow job week” here.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Ursula said:


> Hey guys -- question for you: is having sex with your partner while she's on her monthly cycle or spotting, something that bothers you, or are you pretty indifferent to it?


I've never had a problem with it at all. I figure, she gets really wet during sex normally so really the only difference is during her cycle the fluid is red, still just a bodily fluid.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Ursula said:


> Hey guys -- question for you: is having sex with your partner while she's on her monthly cycle or spotting, something that bothers you, or are you pretty indifferent to it?


I'm out. That's when "Mrs *****cat is on vacation" as we say in our house. She has a vacation home she owns at the Red Sea. She visits once a month. "Mr Pener" doesn't visit the Red Sea. He stays home and is kept company by his other best friend Rosy Palm, who visits him daily. For breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> She has a vacation home she owns at the Red Sea.


Do you pay the cable bill? Our joke was if she had a menstrual hut it would have cable and A/C.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

CharlieParker said:


> Do you pay the cable bill? Our joke was if she had a menstrual hut it would have cable and A/C.


Idk, I visited once. Seemed like camping out in a swamp to me. Hot, sticky, and with a bit of a funk lingering. Like the stale hot air you would find in a place with no A/C. There was definitely no cable TV. Or any other sort of happiness to be found at that place. It reminded me of that scene in High Plains Drifter. The entire town was painted red, and the once welcoming sign was replaced with a new sign that simply read "HELL"


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Not gross at all. Never stopped us, as long as she wore a tampon I would even go down on her. WTF, it is just a shedding of the lining, perfectly natural and healthy.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Erm, it stinks.

I used to be forced to do it, never again!


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## Sam7474 (May 21, 2019)

We always did. He would just put a condom on. Now I have a iud and do not get my period. It is so much nicer. No mess, no cramps.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ursula said:


> Hey guys -- question for you: is having sex with your partner while she's on her monthly cycle or spotting, something that bothers you, or are you pretty indifferent to it?


Sex is sex. I probably would avoid oral at least I always have in those cases, but who knows guess it depends on the mood.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

I never felt funny about sex, PIV or oral, during that week. Oral in particular was a good way to help alleviate her cramps. If she felt better, she'd generally make sure I'd feel better. Towel underneath, no biggie.


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## SecondWind (May 10, 2019)

Hell yea it stinks! Blood smells different than the normal love juices, so although we have PIV fitting the flow neither of us want his nose anywhere close to it! He doesn't like his steak rare either. A dark towel and tissues do the trick for us!


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