# My Husband Won't Touch Me



## shackles (Jun 9, 2009)

I need help. I'm 29, and my husband is 41. We have a 4 month old son. And there is alot of stress on my husband because of his job... Things at home are rough, but not horrible. My husband wont touch me... at all. I barely get hugs or kisses and sex pretty much never happens anymore. I'm scared. He went from having sex 2-3 times a night to nothing. I cant even get him to lay close to me in bed. I cant get him interested in me no matter what I do. I have even outright asked for sex and still been denied. He would rather watch the TV. I draw the line at begging him to touch me... That is something my ex-husband used to do and it was degrading. Everything else in our lives is great. He is a great dad and takes care of us. Help!!!!!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

shackles-

How long has this been going on?


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## shackles (Jun 9, 2009)

about 6 months... when I was still pregnant.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

shackles-

Do you have any idea what led to the change in his attraction to you?


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

so this started in late pregnancy, and hasn't changed since?

Are you nursing your baby?

Some men will stop sexual contact for fear of hurting you or the baby during pregnancy. Also, if you are lactating, for some men that is a big turnoff. 

Combine that, with stress at work, and the demands of new parenthood, and of course the feeling that you can be interrupted at any moment, and he might be fleeing into his cave for his sanity.

When a baby arrives, it tends to take over the relationship. How much time do the two of you try to set aside just for each other? 4 months is a little early for baby sitters, but do you have grandparents close to help take that pressure off, and give you the night off for each other?


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## 4oneone (Jun 11, 2009)

Let me give you first hand info Stress can be rough on us men and what will make it worse is when our spouse gets demanding in the sex department. Trust me we want too but the stress does a number on our manlyness in the bed until we can feel in control of life not wife but the things around the family we have to constantly be on guard for the next problem to crop up on us. My wife tried the direct approach and it put more pressure on me to perform then she got caught up in the "whats wrong with me" deal and created another pressure point for me God for bid I even fail in that area it is hard to turn it around the more we talk about it the worst it got. Bottom line I love my wife dearly but the world gets rough and somethings are hard to deal with when you are by yourself and people are depending on you for their well being. I can say this for myself I would love to be free of daily issues but if I don't no one will and we would be even more bad off.


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## hubbys baby (May 26, 2009)

I agree with you 4one.....my husband can get so stressed out at times that it is very hard for him to have sex....and I too did the "whats wrong with me" thingy too.....but I know he loves me and we talk about things when he's stressed and that does seem to help more now.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

shackles said:


> He went from having sex 2-3 times a night to nothing. I cant even get him to lay close to me in bed. I cant get him interested in me no matter what I do. I have even outright asked for sex and still been denied. He would rather watch the TV.


IMO, something happened and he's hiding it from you. Maybe its stress, maybe he cheated, maybe its porn, but if he wont talk to you about it then that means he either doesnt trust you with his feelings or he knows what he did was wrong. or it could be both. In my experience when my h stopped wanting sex with me, it was a combination of the above; he did something he knew would piss me off and he couldnt talk to me about it because our relationship wasnt very good.


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## MrMarriedman (Mar 4, 2009)

Blanca said:


> IMO, something happened and he's hiding it from you. Maybe its stress, maybe he cheated, maybe its porn, but if he wont talk to you about it then that means he either doesnt trust you with his feelings or he knows what he did was wrong. or it could be both. In my experience when my h stopped wanting sex with me, it was a combination of the above; he did something he knew would piss me off and he couldnt talk to me about it because our relationship wasnt very good.


Or it could be that he is just a typical man and has trouble sharing his feelings. We tend to try and fix our problems by ourselves without help from people especially the ones we love the most. When is the last time he asked you for directions when he was driving…I’m guess never. The last thing we want is look weak or incompetent to our wives. My advice is to keep talking to him and give him time. We all react to life's challenges in different ways. Keep your head up and try not to pick yourself apart. You sound like a great wife and I am sure he’ll figure things out very soon.

PS I wish my problem was a wife that wanted sex LOL. It seems we have the same problem with our partners.


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## cheeka (Jun 13, 2009)

shackles said:


> I need help. I'm 29, and my husband is 41. We have a 4 month old son. And there is alot of stress on my husband because of his job... Things at home are rough, but not horrible. My husband wont touch me... at all. I barely get hugs or kisses and sex pretty much never happens anymore. I'm scared. He went from having sex 2-3 times a night to nothing. I cant even get him to lay close to me in bed. I cant get him interested in me no matter what I do. I have even outright asked for sex and still been denied. He would rather watch the TV. I draw the line at begging him to touch me... That is something my ex-husband used to do and it was degrading. Everything else in our lives is great. He is a great dad and takes care of us. Help!!!!!


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

Don't read too much into it. Guys go through periods where they just find sex too much effort. It's not that they're neccessarily lazy its just sex is too demanding for them.

My advice don't try and initiate some awkward conversation that might only hummilliate him and just sour the relationship. I'm not saying that it might not get to that point but don't rust there.

See how he responds to a no strings blowjob. Rather than make a big thing out of it just do it casually making clear that its okay for him to finish and that you don't neccessarily expect him to shag you in return.

If he gets hard from the oral then you know there's nothing physiologically wrong. after he finishes encourage him to cuddle and be affectionate to you. Stick with the no strings blowjob for a few nights then after that when he realises that he actually wants to get off, try and get him to do something in return so he's actually earning them, whethere its just cuddling or snogging, hopefully once his sex drive is back on track he'll actually want to start shagging you properly.


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## BrokenHearted (Aug 13, 2009)

My ex-husband and I were married for 12 years. The first 4 were the best ever of my life. We had a little girl then the last 8 years I have been very lonely. He never initiated sex again. I tried initiating several times and he would respond but never could climax. We went to marriage conferences and a marriage counselor. I could never get a reason for why our sex life went from 4-5 times a week to nothing for years. My self-esteem plummeted. I still love him very much, but divorced him purely for self-preservation on July 2009. Within 1 month of my filing for divorce, he found a new lady in his life. She has stated online how romantic he is and how lucky the lady who wins his heart is. So this makes me think he still had it in him, but not for me. I was just somebody, but not somebody special. What happened?? I have asked him and his response was, "You have to figure that out on your own. I have no answers for you." Now he won't even talk to me by email or phone. My heart is broken and mourns for what we had the first 4 years. How do I let this go?


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

sarah.rslp said:


> See how he responds to a no strings blowjob. Rather than make a big thing out of it just do it casually making clear that its okay for him to finish and that you don't neccessarily expect him to shag you in return.
> 
> If he gets hard from the oral then you know there's nothing physiologically wrong. after he finishes encourage him to cuddle and be affectionate to you. Stick with the no strings blowjob for a few nights then after that when he realises that he actually wants to get off, try and get him to do something in return so he's actually earning them, whethere its just cuddling or snogging, hopefully once his sex drive is back on track he'll actually want to start shagging you properly.



Holy crap, a no strings BJ exists in a marriage?


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

sarah.rslp said:


> Don't read too much into it. Guys go through periods where they just find sex too much effort. It's not that they're neccessarily lazy its just sex is too demanding for them.
> 
> My advice don't try and initiate some awkward conversation that might only hummilliate him and just sour the relationship. I'm not saying that it might not get to that point but don't rust there.
> 
> ...



I dont know who these anonymous guys are but I'm 34 and never have I thought sex was too much effort. Or that I was too stressed about daily life to have sex. Those are excuses used by men who either dont find you sexually attractive anymore, have become addicted to porn and masturbation or are getting it someplace else. 

Stress? Really? Like an orgasm isnt the best stress reliever in the world? Puh-leeze.




John


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## tom thumb (Aug 17, 2009)

dont ask or talk about it. just do it. when i got like that after my wifes baby she dressed up in lingerie and when i got off from work she took me in the bedroom and pushed me down and tied me up and went down on me. she had mirrors set up all over so i could watch it. I was so happy cause she showed how much it meant and spiced things up. sometimes a man just needs to be shown sometimes. and the change in his desires, when i saw my wife breast feed, i didnt look at boobs as a sexual thing for a year and a half. ya its beautiful and natural but most mens minds work differently. theres some things you should leave sexual in a mans eyes. hopefully that helps you


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## confuzzled (May 31, 2009)

4oneone said:


> Let me give you first hand info Stress can be rough on us men and what will make it worse is when our spouse gets demanding in the sex department. Trust me we want too but the stress does a number on our manlyness in the bed until we can feel in control of life not wife but the things around the family we have to constantly be on guard for the next problem to crop up on us. My wife tried the direct approach and it put more pressure on me to perform then she got caught up in the "whats wrong with me" deal and created another pressure point for me God for bid I even fail in that area it is hard to turn it around the more we talk about it the worst it got. Bottom line I love my wife dearly but the world gets rough and somethings are hard to deal with when you are by yourself and people are depending on you for their well being. I can say this for myself I would love to be free of daily issues but if I don't no one will and we would be even more bad off.


I agree with you 4one... stress can be very controlling and can be rough on you, but sometimes women get stressed too. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be stressed (from your wife's perspective), and then to be rejected by your husband??? To feel like you can't control your own life and at the same time you are being pushed away by your husband, by the one person who is supposet do be there? What it means when you are struggling with your own issues and go to your husband for support and comfort only to be turned away and denied what you need to make you feel loved and valued in your "equal" relationship? Men are so quick to accept their own gratification and then turn it away when it comes to helping someone else.

Shackles, I think you need to tell your husband how you are feeling, and see what he comes back to you with. If he can't give you an answer that you feel validates your concern, you need to talk to someone who can give you more direction.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

NothingMan said:


> I dont know who these anonymous guys are but I'm 34 and never have I thought sex was too much effort. Or that I was too stressed about daily life to have sex. Those are excuses used by men who either dont find you sexually attractive anymore, have become addicted to porn and masturbation or are getting it someplace else.
> 
> Stress? Really? Like an orgasm isnt the best stress reliever in the world? Puh-leeze.
> 
> ...


yeah, thats a load of crap. i would "shag" my wife during armageddon


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

Hey Tom Thumb, I "just did it" with my husband tonight... I moved the remote off his chest onto the night stand and he asked why I needed to do that and I simply said "beacuse..." as I dove under the sheets and gave him an awesome bj with no strings attached. Smiled and said goodnight. He then spooned me and turned me on to the point I was groaning and then let go and pulled away and said "what do you want me to do, I already came." Instead of losing it for the rude allbeit true comment, I said just be creative, bc there are still other things you could do. He stayed on his side of the bed and rolled over.

What a ****. My friend says I just need to wait for him to grow up in terms of his relationship IQ... ie not be a selfish DBag. For a little history... I was the one who wanted it any way we could, and he is the one who has always directed the sexual sessions... only when he wanted to. He has said no to me... hundreds of times... I have said no 3 times.

Sorry for the vent, but this just happened a few hours ago... his MO... he loves to do this knowing he will drift off to sleep and I will be awake all night. Tonight was a perfect example of his selfish in bed style. Why would you bring your wife to near climax and then say what do you want me to do and roll over? Would you, if you truly love your wife, want to figure out a way to help her mast...ate or other ways to finish her off? I have the equivalent of male blue [email protected] aaahhhhhhrrrrgggg.


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## shackles (Jun 9, 2009)

okeydokie said:


> yeah, thats a load of crap. i would "shag" my wife during armageddon



that's how my husband used to be. then the baby and all the stress... he thinks that he is the only one going through this, and he even said that the only people he can trust are the 7 other guys going through the same situation at work, its like i dont even freekin matter. he interrupts what we are doing or if i am talking to him he answer phone calls from them all the time, he even cuts me short on the phone if one of them calls. i'm so alone, and horny. But he doesnt care, he spends his days worry about the future when he isnt even taking care of the present.... i've been through this is a previous marriage, and all i want to do is cry. i'm being rejected by the one person who said that he would never reject me. i stoped giving out the freebie bj's because he would be taken care of and never take care of me... i stoped throwing myself at him and not getting sex because it makes me feel worthless, my ex-husband used to make me beg for it and then wouldnt give it to me. my new husband is very aware of that, and still makes me feel as if i have to bed and plead to get it. so i've been cold lately.  i dont know what else to do. i'm not going to sugar coat his life, when he treats me like crap in the sex department. i've done everything i can think of including talk about it, nothing helps. the funny thing is that we go to a counseling... 

*sigh* i'm afraid my marriage is ending, and there is nothing more I can do but be unhappy and stay with him for my young son's sake.

like i said i love him, but i just dont know what to do


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## shackles (Jun 9, 2009)

Choose2love said:


> I have the equivalent of male blue [email protected] aaahhhhhhrrrrgggg.



lol, its sad but i know what you are talking about. that is why i invested in a set of recharageble batteries for the the old backup pitcher. its so bad anymore that i dont even want that anymore


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I truly believe a married man should only respond like this when his wife asks for sex:
1. Yes darling - lets go have some fun
2. Baby I am dead tired tonight, but for sure I can find the energy to please you orally - if you would like that
3. Or I can give you a killer back massage + a butt massage if you like
4. Spoon and talk
5. I am dead tired tonight, but promise to get enough sleep so I can rock your world tomorrow

All of these comments except one, should be followed up with "It sure is nice to feel desired - thank you" and also "I hope you know how attracted I am to you"

You respond that way, a normal person will NOT feel rejected. 




confuzzled said:


> I agree with you 4one... stress can be very controlling and can be rough on you, but sometimes women get stressed too. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be stressed (from your wife's perspective), and then to be rejected by your husband??? To feel like you can't control your own life and at the same time you are being pushed away by your husband, by the one person who is supposet do be there? What it means when you are struggling with your own issues and go to your husband for support and comfort only to be turned away and denied what you need to make you feel loved and valued in your "equal" relationship? Men are so quick to accept their own gratification and then turn it away when it comes to helping someone else.
> 
> Shackles, I think you need to tell your husband how you are feeling, and see what he comes back to you with. If he can't give you an answer that you feel validates your concern, you need to talk to someone who can give you more direction.


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## shackles (Jun 9, 2009)

i wish my husband would say that... he doesnt. he makes it seem like even accepting a bj is a chore. let alone me get anything... heck i would be more than grateful if i were to get something, but you cant be grateful for what you dont get. i even tried to be grateful for being able to please him, or being pleased by him in the past.... like a "remember when we.... that was great" kinda thing

i've just given up


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## Erom (Jan 24, 2012)

DownButNotOut said:


> When a baby arrives, it tends to take over the relationship. How much time do the two of you try to set aside just for each other? 4 months is a little early for baby sitters, but do you have grandparents close to help take that pressure off, and give you the night off for each other?


:iagree: start planing some time "baby free" start with an afternoon or two.... as Grandparents or sibblings get more comfortable watching a newborn, maybe expand it to a day or eventually a weekend.... or if those aren't possible at this point, go the other route... try to find what pushes his buttons.... sexier clothes or even complete lack of them, it's fairly obvious that a four month old won't care if you spend all day naked... picture texts to his cell phone.... you with lack of clothing or playing with yourself.... with message "wish you were here to help"


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## Erom (Jan 24, 2012)

Choose2love said:


> Hey Tom Thumb, I "just did it" with my husband tonight... I moved the remote off his chest onto the night stand and he asked why I needed to do that and I simply said "beacuse..." as I dove under the sheets and gave him an awesome bj with no strings attached. Smiled and said goodnight. He then spooned me and turned me on to the point I was groaning and then let go and pulled away and said "what do you want me to do, I already came." Instead of losing it for the rude allbeit true comment, I said just be creative, bc there are still other things you could do. He stayed on his side of the bed and rolled over.
> 
> Sorry for the vent, but this just happened a few hours ago... his MO... he loves to do this knowing he will drift off to sleep and I will be awake all night. Tonight was a perfect example of his selfish in bed style. Why would you bring your wife to near climax and then say what do you want me to do and roll over? Would you, if you truly love your wife, want to figure out a way to help her mast...ate or other ways to finish her off? I have the equivalent of male blue [email protected] aaahhhhhhrrrrgggg.


While he was asleep, tie him up spread eagle and either face sit him, when he wakes up and finds you wet dripping Puss, tell him your not getting off until you "get off" or repeat the bj to the point where he's hard again and climb on, with the same statement... better yet.... Both.... maybe even multiple times... both get off until neither can stand it again


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## Wantsmore (Sep 13, 2011)

Choose2love said:


> Hey Tom Thumb, I "just did it" with my husband tonight... I moved the remote off his chest onto the night stand and he asked why I needed to do that and I simply said "beacuse..." as I dove under the sheets and gave him an awesome bj with no strings attached. Smiled and said goodnight. He then spooned me and turned me on to the point I was groaning and then let go and pulled away and said "what do you want me to do, I already came." Instead of losing it for the rude allbeit true comment, I said just be creative, bc there are still other things you could do. He stayed on his side of the bed and rolled over.
> 
> What a ****. My friend says I just need to wait for him to grow up in terms of his relationship IQ... ie not be a selfish DBag. For a little history... I was the one who wanted it any way we could, and he is the one who has always directed the sexual sessions... only when he wanted to. He has said no to me... hundreds of times... I have said no 3 times.
> 
> Sorry for the vent, but this just happened a few hours ago... his MO... he loves to do this knowing he will drift off to sleep and I will be awake all night. Tonight was a perfect example of his selfish in bed style. Why would you bring your wife to near climax and then say what do you want me to do and roll over? Would you, if you truly love your wife, want to figure out a way to help her mast...ate or other ways to finish her off? I have the equivalent of male blue [email protected] aaahhhhhhrrrrgggg.



Seriously, he said what do you want me to do? I would have flipped you over in used my tongue all over you and made you get off as well. In that time I am sure I would be ready to go all over again and then the real fun starts.

He is being a lazy, selfish ******* if you ask me. 

You know what, you should do. Rip the covers back go at it alone and when he wants in tell him, what do you want me to do, I came already and roll over.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

This thread is from 3 years ago!! LOL


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## Wantsmore (Sep 13, 2011)

LOL I just noticed that too!


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## genkey7478 (Jan 23, 2012)

Wantsmore said:


> LOL I just noticed that too!


Think the problem goes away?? I don't think so!


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