# Need man's opinion - boyfriend not finishing during sex



## blue23 (Jul 16, 2011)

I've posted a few things before but a little background: I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, we're in our early 20s. We lived together for a short while last year and we were fighting a lot. I had to move for school so now we live pretty far apart and see each other maybe once a month, sometimes every other week. Things have been really great since about September - very calm and we have just had a lot of fun together. However something is going on when we have sex and I'm not sure why. He has been to therapy for OCD, anxiety and depression. He is not currently on any medication but has been in the past. He seems interested in having sex when we are together but rarely finishes. He often wants to have sex, sometimes three times a day but doesnt want to finish - sometimes he says he has to pee and then will come back and kind of be uninterested; sometimes he will say he just ate and doesnt feel good; etc. Lots of excuses. I thought it was strange but didnt mention it. Finally yesterday I talked to him about it. It was getting frustrating -he satisfies me but it just seems strange that he wants to stop. 
He said that he feels like it is just going to take him a while to cum so he gets kind of annoyed and doesnt want to keep going for such a long time. He says he felt that his member is less sensitive than it used to be. He said he was been thinking about it and its been bothering him so that he would think about it. He said it has nothing to do with me, that he finds me very attractive, etc. 
I just wanted some input. He is religious - not extremely religious but he had a dream a few weeks ago that to me seemed to point to a LOT of guilt around the fact that we are having sex and are not married. 
I don't know if he is watching too much porn when we are apart and then isn't interested in me? It seems as though he is interested in having sex and in fact the only time he came this past weekend was Friday...so the porn idea doesnt seem to make sense. He has never been one to compare me to porn, I don't think he expects me to be like porn stars, he has even said that so I don't think that is it either. I have not gained weight or gotten a lot of pimples or anything like that.
I don't know if he is masturbating a lot and when we have sex its not as much pressure on him? I dont know if he is just too exhausted or stressed out from work? It just doesn't make sense to me. It's a little upsetting because even though he is saying its not me, it feels like he is not as attracted to me. 
Lastly, when we were living together, we had a lot of fighting and because of this, he didnt want to have sex. I know I have some co-dependent tendencies and am always interested in having sex with him and although he may not know this, I am aware that I look for reassurance when we are together in terms of him still being sexually attracted to me and me being able to make him cum. I don't know if he feels I am too available, not mysterious enough, too "easy"...I dont know.
I'm confused and any advice or input or experiences like this would be greatly appreciated. Because of his prior OCD and anxiety, I want to make sure I handle this in the correct way and am supportive. Although I am upset and kind of disturbed by this, I dont want to make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be, maybe it will go away on its own but its been like this for several months now. I dont know if I should try to talk to him about it more or let him work it out on his own.
Thanks everyone.


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## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

blue23 said:


> I've posted a few things before but a little background: I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, we're in our early 20s. We lived together for a short while last year and we were fighting a lot. I had to move for school so now we live pretty far apart and see each other maybe once a month, sometimes every other week. Things have been really great since about September - very calm and we have just had a lot of fun together. However something is going on when we have sex and I'm not sure why. He has been to therapy for OCD, anxiety and depression. He is not currently on any medication but has been in the past. He seems interested in having sex when we are together but rarely finishes. He often wants to have sex, sometimes three times a day but doesnt want to finish - sometimes he says he has to pee and then will come back and kind of be uninterested; sometimes he will say he just ate and doesnt feel good; etc. Lots of excuses. I thought it was strange but didnt mention it. Finally yesterday I talked to him about it. It was getting frustrating -he satisfies me but it just seems strange that he wants to stop.
> He said that he feels like it is just going to take him a while to cum so he gets kind of annoyed and doesnt want to keep going for such a long time. He says he felt that his member is less sensitive than it used to be. He said he was been thinking about it and its been bothering him so that he would think about it. He said it has nothing to do with me, that he finds me very attractive, etc.
> I just wanted some input. He is religious - not extremely religious but he had a dream a few weeks ago that to me seemed to point to a LOT of guilt around the fact that we are having sex and are not married.
> I don't know if he is watching too much porn when we are apart and then isn't interested in me? It seems as though he is interested in having sex and in fact the only time he came this past weekend was Friday...so the porn idea doesnt seem to make sense. He has never been one to compare me to porn, I don't think he expects me to be like porn stars, he has even said that so I don't think that is it either. I have not gained weight or gotten a lot of pimples or anything like that.
> ...


Why at such a young age stay in something with these problems. It wont get any easier
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

porn will usually make a guy go quicker in the bedroom since most masturbation to it is designed to take care of built up frustration. With the mental issues mentioned, I would guess that those may be behind the problem, but guilt by religion can't be ruled out either. While I dont reccomend dumping him like a hot potato, the good thing is that you aren't married so you do have options. Sexual compatibility is very important and it will cause a lot of conflict in a relationship if its not agreeable to both partners.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

[porn will usually make a guy go quicker ] Porn is now to blame for everything.

If he can't get off through intercourse then get some nice lube and give him a HJ or BJ and finish him that way since a lot of times that is more intense and you could hit the never ending of his member.

This might be some deep seated issue on sex and he might not be a high sex drive guy and is just playing the role now,so how much do you want to put into the relationship.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Porn makes you go quicker? What kind of nonsense is that?

I'd be surprised if he's not masturbating before you have sex. If I ejaculate more than twice a day it takes me a long time to get the third one out. Being rough with your ding dong can also make it less sensitive.

I'd have a chat about how often he does that, and don't be judgemental about it, he's probably feeling really guilty and likely to hide his habits if he thinks you'll judge him.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

What kind of medication? If it's an antidepressant, that has a direct impact on the finishing aspect of sex.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I recommend not making an issue about it. It is not about you.

When he is comfortable it will change.

Don't take it personally.


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## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

Porn will make it go quicker? That is just nonsense. Please think before posting
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blue23 (Jul 16, 2011)

Thanks for your input, everyone.
In this case, I know he cannot be masturbating because we are only together every few weekends and when we are, we're in a hotel together and are together 24/7. He doesnt bring his computer and doesnt have porn on his phone so that can't be it.
We have sex a lot usually - once or twice the first night, sometimes in the middle of the night, usually in the morning, at night again...so its a lot but he usually only finishes at night or not even then. during the middle of the night or in the mornings he doesnt want to. he made excuses like he had to go to the bathroom or whatever but he would go and then not want to finish. that type of thing. so I'm confused. I'm wondering if he is watching a lot of porn for extended periods of time when he's by himself far away from me and perhaps handling himself too hard like someone said here.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

He should consult a physician. At his age, he may be having a problem with his prostate that he is unaware of having.
Old guys usually can go all night because of this. (sometimes to the point of boring their partners to death)


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Could be stress or fatigue.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

I'm wondering if he is watching a lot of porn for extended periods of time when he's by himself far away from me and perhaps handling himself too hard like someone said here. 

You may have a winner. If this is the problem he is developing it in between your visits. He won't be proud of it and its hard to beat unless you are committed. He is probably not aware of the connection but just Google and you will see the effects in terms of brain chemistry.


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

Porn is to blame, porn and taxes, and the homosexuals. JK. There may be many reasons for this issue. While it may seem like a roadblock right now, it is a good test of how you two deal with problems in the future. You can discuss the issue with him, not in terms of it being a problem he has, but rather a problem you have - it makes you self conscious. There may be no answer, but if you can talk to him about this sensitive issue in a way that does not hurt or alienate him, and he can sincerely reassure you and not be defensive, you have a healthy relationship.

As a basic guy's perspective: I will sometimes stop when my wife is done, because she is not so into it after she "finishes" and I am not so into it when she is not so into it.


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## Salty Dog (Mar 14, 2012)

Yikes. I'm amazed at some of the responses here. 

Your guy should see a physician if his failure to finish bothers him, as anorgasmia can be the result of a number of different things. I think it would be fine if you suggested that he check with a doctor, but I wouldn't pressure him. And lastly, please take him at his word that there's nothing wrong with you that's causing this. If you fill yourself with self-doubt despite his assurances to the contrary, it's likely to unnecessarily erode the relationship.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Salty Dog said:


> Yikes. I'm amazed at some of the responses here.
> 
> Your guy should see a physician if his failure to finish bothers him, as anorgasmia can be the result of a number of different things. I think it would be fine if you suggested that he check with a doctor, but I wouldn't pressure him. And lastly, please take him at his word that there's nothing wrong with you that's causing this. If you fill yourself with self-doubt despite his assurances to the contrary, it's likely to unnecessarily erode the relationship.


Agreed. This is an ongoing and growing issue in my relationship.
My GF doesn't understand that, just like her, sometimes I just don't get off. I find her incredibly attractive and love love love having sex with her. But she's allowed the fact that I occasionally don't orgasm to really destroy our sex life.

Don't do that, please.


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