# Can't come from a BJ



## doit (Aug 18, 2015)

Just wanted to see if this is common. My wife really wants to make me come from giving a BJ, but so far I can't. She'll go for awhile and I do enjoy it, but just can't get to the finish line. 
Penetration and masturbation both work great.


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## WhyAmIHere (Aug 18, 2015)

I rarely do unless she's being particularly enthusiastic. For me I see it as foreplay rather than the main event so it's not an issue.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Not uncommon. Sometimes technique has a little to do with it. For me, I have to be in the right frame of mind or it won't happen.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Assuming she is taking her time, and assuming you both desire this outcome....

You have to relax. The orgasm should not be the goal. The goal is to relax and enjoy the building sensations. If you like varied touches make sure she knows this. If you like a specific kind of stimulation communicate that. Once relaxed allow your dirty mind to go where ever it wishes to go. If you think watching helps with being orgasmically erotic, do it. As long as you are relaxed and enjoying it just let things happen. At first it may take a while, she may have to really demonstrate her willingness to take all the time you need. But you have to just be cool and let it happen. 

The more you think and worry is this taking too long, why isn't this happening, the less likely you will orgasm.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I think most men will agree that a BJ can also include your wife's hands and it still counts as just a BJ.

If that does not work, have her try taking a nice sip of hot coffee and then have her go down on you. There has been a lot of research that suggests that the caffeine will be absorbed into your penis causing a very "warm sensation" immediately upon contact, which will assist to induce an orgasm. If the coffee is cold, such as an ice coffee, the effects of caffeine become reversed, will feel cold, and may result in loss of erection. So the temperature of the caffeine is critical for absorption into the penis.

I have carefully chosen non-adult images and animations below that carefully demonstrate the gentle and slow techniques that should be used. Although in combination they are enough to get my mind racing! 

Good Luck, 
Badsanta


REMEMBER: Very hot this:










Combined with:










and this:










Should definitely result in this:


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

That is one problem I don't have. I love watching my wife swallow. It's my #1 pleasure in the world.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

it's not uncommon i think also.

anonpink is right on. go for the ride and savor it and your wife's effort. forget about the final result.

i've had only one gf that could make me come. she was exceptional, voracious, an expert of the highest order.
i think many women are not that naturally good at it, and that doesn't bother me, cause i much rather 'get it on' anyway.

I appreciate my wife's effort immensely. i NEVER ask for it. but she will provide every once in a while.
she is not too good at it and i don't bother to coach her because i don't really care.
she is a hand expert though. she is wonderful with her hands.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

badsanta said:


> I think most men will agree that a BJ can also include your wife's hands and it still counts as just a BJ.
> 
> If that does not work, have her try taking a nice sip of hot coffee and then have her go down on you. There has been a lot of research that suggests that the caffeine will be absorbed into your penis causing a very "warm sensation" immediately upon contact, which will assist to induce an orgasm. If the coffee is cold, such as an ice coffee, the effects of caffeine become reversed, will feel cold, and may result in loss of erection. So the temperature of the caffeine is critical for absorption into the penis.
> 
> ...


*Love it, Badsanta! 

But just have her keep those damned claws off of my instrumentation and we'll be fine!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Not uncommon, it is a little different unless she is being really enthusiastic and using her hands as well. You need to get to plateau for a while and then just relax and let it happen. The other ways you tend to get to plateau and when you decide it is time you get a little tense and accelerate. Just different...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@badsanta,

OMG that kitten GIF was prescious!


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## Tommy518 (Nov 28, 2011)

I've had the same issue. Probably a combination of feeling pressure to get off because she has a limit to how long she'll try, and the fact that she keeps changing technique as she goes, which interrupts the build up. We discussed it as she doesn't do it as much as I'd like but loves it when I go down on her to get her off, which is nearly every time. 

When I asked, she admitted that she did it much more often with her Ex and that he loved it, but when I didn't get off right away the first few times, she assumed I didn't like it as much and more or less gave up. We're still working on it.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Ya know, I've thought about this as well because you can count me in the group of "It takes forever to attain an orgasm via oral sex". I really enjoy it, and my wife is great at it and has gone the extra mile successfully, but it can take a good 15 minutes or more.

I have no complaints and I don't ever insist that she performs orally for me. When she does, it is always fun, gets me going, but I can't wait to feel myself inside her while kissing her deeply....now *THAT* gets me going.


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## Randy52 (Oct 15, 2011)

For me, the visual aspect of receiving a BJ is almost as hot as the physical sensation. Question: Are you both on the same page about the "ending??" How would she handle your ejaculation? If there are different expections, you may be subconsciously holding back rather than risk finishing in her mouth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Randy52 said:


> For me, the visual aspect of receiving a BJ is almost as hot as the physical sensation. Question: Are you both on the same page about the "ending??" How would she handle your ejaculation? If there are different expections, you may be subconsciously holding back rather than risk finishing in her mouth.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good point. When you are actively afraid of finishing, (or you know, she's like "UH-UH!) it can really derail things.

OTOH, when you're feeling consequence free, it takes it to a whole other level.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

I also do not generally orgasm from a "mouth only" BJ, but the two or three times per year I actually get one, my wife uses her hands as well and it is super fantastic.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

teach her what you demand


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## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

sixbravebulls said:


> That is one problem I don't have. I love watching my wife swallow. It's my #1 pleasure in the world.


How does it help the Op for you to brag about not having the same problem he has?


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## doit (Aug 18, 2015)

> Quote:
> Originally Posted by Randy52 View Post
> For me, the visual aspect of receiving a BJ is almost as hot as the physical sensation. Question: Are you both on the same page about the "ending??" How would she handle your ejaculation? If there are different expections, you may be subconsciously holding back rather than risk finishing in her mouth.
> Posted via Mobile Device
> This is exactly what I was going to say. Oral up until a year ago was always foreplay as H struggled to finish. Since introducing good lighting for visual as well as me saying 'I want you to finish in my mouth' was a game changer. Like Anonpink says - its about relaxation. I had no idea he was worried about that...isn't it daft us not talking about these things?


This makes a lot of sense. I am indeed thinking about this while receiving the BJ. I'll discuss this with her and see if that will allow me to just enjoy instead of worrying about anything. 

Thank you all for your insight!


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Tobin said:


> How does it help the Op for you to brag about not having the same problem he has?


My bad. I wasn't bragging. It came out wrong. 

I would say, turn on the lights and talk nasty while she is doing it.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

many years ago my wife and I would get a baby sitter and go to a motel for some hot sex. she had taken me in her mouth before but I made sure that I stopped her before I came. well, on this particular night we were in 69 and she was having an orgasm. I could feel myself building up, and I tried to pull away but she moaning and really clamped down and I couldn't get away. So I assume she wanted me to cum. Was I ever wrong.

the next thing I saw was her spitting with my semen all over her face. "Don't you ever do that again!" Now that I look back it was funny.

a few weeks afterwards she asked me to cum in her mouth. She did it a few times, but I could tell it was something that she did for me and she got nothing out of it. Not as much fun when both people aren't' having fun together.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I understand men are more visual when it comes to sex. Watching the act of the BJ should get you going. My W will suck and masturbate the shaft. She will also lick my nutty buddies while masterbating the shaft. Going back to each spot(penis/nutty buddies) orally until shangri la.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

sixbravebulls said:


> My bad. I wasn't bragging. It came out wrong.
> 
> I would say, turn on the lights and talk nasty while she is doing it.


Six is not far off. Visually men are stimulated. Turn on the lights. Palm the back of your W head as oral is administered. >


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

I agree with the other posters, it's all about enthusiasm also for me anyway...

If you have "to beg" for one or it's a half a$$ed "don't really want to be doing this" attempt or she whines about lock jaw after 45 seconds or you get the "don't finish in my mouth" speech before hand....

Yeah, I rarely finish under those circumstances either. The good ones are the women who actually don't complain, initiate and ENJOY giving them. Good technique helps but attitude makes or breaks the orgasm.

Another controversial question. Guys to you kiss your woman after you finish in her mouth? I'd rather not unless they brush their teeth and it offends some woman. I just don't want to taste myself, I don't have a problem giving them oral. These are usually the same woman who don't want to put their mouths on my d!ck after I penetrate them for the same reason. Seems hypocritical to me, thoughts?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I have a hard time cumming from oral. I can, but the poor woman really has to wear out her neck muscles. I do better when its a combo of hand-job and mouth work. Helps if she plays with mi dos testiculos....


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

peacem said:


> there is no ick factor if you are 100% into the person you are having sex with.


I dunno.. things like tasting my semen in her kiss or licking a woman's bum hole or whatever other sexual acts some people are into have an "ick factor" to me. 

Regardless of how into them I am. I don't mind giving females oral but then again vaginal fluid doesn't taste like semen.

Some people enjoy snowballs I guess. I don't... Just wondering if this is common?


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I came once from a bj.
Sometimes I even get a very painful migraine.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

I agreed with betrayed Dad. I'm into my wife... a whole lot but I do have an ick factor and so does she. must be a generational thing. She and I have oral after showering together and are squeaky clean.


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## Quigster (Aug 1, 2015)

doit said:


> Just wanted to see if this is common.


I assumed I was fairly unique to have that problem. I figured it was because I was circumcised and was missing some nerve endings or something. It's actually comforting to know I'm not alone.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

I find that position has a lot to do with it...I get off much better when she is facing me rather than leaning over from the side....Another trick is that I close my eyes and imagine my penis is in her vagina....


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Yeah, I've never managed. Don't worry about it.
Everything else rocks tho so who cares.


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## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

I also have difficulty orgasming with BJ and hands with my wife of 5 wonderful years, and she's good at the physical part. Oddly, the few times in my 50 year old bachelor life was in cars with women and we both understood that this was not going to be a relationship. 
My wife would like to finish me, and we've talked about it. I expect some part of my brain is stopping me mid-BJ. I think it would help if as the BJ is progressing, if she said some encouraging words and asked me to orgasm. Doesn't have to be dirty.
But she's very quiet during lovemaking. Rarely utters a word. I'm a lot more verbal and audible.
Any suggestions on making it easier for her to talk/speak?


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Not uncommon at all. My ex bf couldn't. My H use to not be able to (before me  ) but even now sometimes he can't or if he can't tends to take longer but he does enjoy it and bj is still good for build up


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> I understand men are more visual when it comes to sex. Watching the act of the BJ should get you going. My W will suck and masturbate the shaft. She will also lick my nutty buddies while masterbating the shaft. Going back to each spot(penis/nutty buddies) orally until shangri la.


Lol nutty buddies


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> sixbravebulls said:
> 
> 
> > My bad. I wasn't bragging. It came out wrong.
> ...


Palm is good. Gentle guidance is good. Running your fingers through her hair is good. Just don't push her face down. It's the most annoying thing. Unless she's into a bit of force and might like it


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Just think about the 19 year old girl down the street.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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