# Man this Sucks



## baltimorebarry (Dec 7, 2011)

I have been separated from my wife almost three months. I'm 37, she is 32. We have one child and 7 years of marriage together.I cannot totally fault my wife for moving out because I did not always treat her as a partner and would rather be "right" then happy.

We were still having sex since she moved out. But as of two weeks ago things have changed. She has been hanging with a younger guy but she claims they are just friends and no sex.The guy is the ex-fiance of one of her friends.She says that she enjoys the fact that he is nice. So was I when I wanted to get into a woman's pants. 

She has told me that she does not want to be married anymore and is not in love with me and wants a divorce. But she does care about me and does"love" me. She even has told me the she would feel better if I would find another woman to make things easier.The reason she feels this way is because she claims that I say hurtful words to her.And yes I have said "I do not love you" in the heat of the moment. But I would always confirm right after that those were not my true feelings and that the way she acted towards me caused those words to come out. Funny thing is that I have stood there and heard her say "I don't love you" to our own child several times. Our child has not left because of it.

Tomorrow we are meeting to do a school project for our child together. She has been texting me that she cannot wait for that day. Also she has let me know that she is horny and would like to have sex with me.But I feel she just wants to because she is apprehensive about sleeping with this other guy.Who knows. Lord knows I could use some female attention.

Bottom line I am still in love with her and I feel that we can work things out in time. Part of me thinks it would be good for both of us to go out and date others. But then what are we teaching our child. When the marriage gets tough,break-up, date and get back together. I know my mistakes and can be a lot better if I could get a chance. Just wish I could convey that to her someway but if I do she gets frustrated and reiterates that she does not love me and wants a divorce.I just want my family back and it sucks that that may never happen.

Trust me I know that life does go on and if we divorce I will get over it.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

> She even has told me the she would feel better if I would find another woman to make things easier.


Easier for her, because she is weak and not acting according to her principles. It is cognitive dissonance on her part, if she hasn't gone physical with her new boyfriend yet, she wants to, and is waiting for a sign from the universe that it is ok, she is ripening up for it. But make no mistake she HAS a relationship with this guy, it IS AN AFFAIR because you are still in love with her and she has not taken any steps to actually terminate the marriage.

I think this is a crucial moment for you to demonstrate your self worth. She has asked for divorce, don't worry about trying to be nice to her, that is weak, right now that is not what she craves she wants someone who takes a strong hold of his principles. If you haven't done so already find a lawyer to draw up separation agreement/divorce papers.

More importantly, serving divorce papers and embracing the 180 will prepare you to find your principles and the confidence to stand up for them. Don't think about dating right now, the loneliness is a killer but you still want the chance to save your marriage and starting a new relationship will not only divert you from your course it will also give her the permission she seems to need to go full on with her boyfriend guilt free. If you come to a point in this process where you become detached from her and let go of her, well then you can do what you want, date who you want, whatever but that is not what you are saying you want right now.

Honestly though from what you have said I really do question her mental stability. Any person who tells their own child they don't love them has serious problems in their head, I don't know why you would be able to trust anything about such a person, I would suspect an affair would be really easy for such a person to reconcile in their own mind, and would therefore assume she has gone much further with this guy and others than you even realize.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

_She says that she enjoys the fact that he is nice. So was I when I wanted to get into a woman's pants. _

This gave me a chuckle. 

Ok here's the deal: she wants out. She told you she wants a divorce and does NOT want to be married.

For your protection and dignity, do not sleep with her. Do not talk to her about anything other than the divorce and your children.

The more you cling, the more it will make her move away from you. When someone wants out, you give it to them. Do not pine, beg, plead, nada. Right now, you are still in love with her and she is... not. 

The "friend" could be someone shew as invovled with efore you even split (and ew... about it being her friend's ex-fiance--that's pretty low, btw). 

Anywhoo--STOP chasing after her. Tell her you aren't interested in sex with her (I know, hard to do) if she doesn't want to be married to you--that it would be counter-productive. Say "Wife, I love and still care for you but if you want a divorce and dont' want to be married anymore, it's not in my best interest to have sex with you. I married you for life and if you want to try again, let me know, but if not, we need to go our separate ways. We both deserve better."


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

agree on the on sex thing. don't think she isn't having sex with the om, could be tring to set you up for future child support payments when it's not even your child!


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

Funny thing...my wife had been saying "it might be good for you to start dating...if you did, and had sex with another woman...i'd understand"

She says its "for my benefit" to "help me"

The reality is...when a woman says this...they're looking for a way of not feeling guilty...a way of saying "Well, he's having sex, so now it's ok that I do it too!"


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