# Can you reconcile after an "Exit Affair"?



## Luna_73

My X and I have been separated for 5 months, things have been rocky for years, lack of communication, sex, respect.
I believe I just experienced an "Exit Affar" and i'm wondering if I will ever be able to reconcile with him. We were together 11 years.

My X didn't come out and tell me about the OW, I tricked him into finding out about her, he said he was going to tell me but 2 months had already gone by of "seeing" her. I have proof showing when he began talking to the OW (a month before we even had the fight which lead to D-Day). I know who she is, she's been a mutual "Friend" to us for over a year and plays on my H baseball team. My X told me "it's pretty serious" between the two of them last week?.

*The Pro's? :* 

He hasn't moved out ANY of his belongings, not even a shirt
He continues to come to the house everyday to see this children, shower, do laundry, eat dinner.
He spends a lot of time at our marital home including past midnight on weekends. (our children are 5 & 8 yrs old)
He has made very little attempt to push for anything legal, no parenting plan agreement, support etc.

*The Con's:*
He's here everyday coming and going as he pleases
He is controlling me financially, has closed bank accounts so I cannot access any $.
He is passive aggressive and likes to control me by reminding me in subtle ways about the OW, how much freedom he has and more.
When I make plans to go out he questions me or my mother who stays with the children : Where you going, when r u home, r u coming home tonight.
He listens to my phone calls & enters my room which I lock.

I know it sounds crazy to want to stay but I believe he's in a power struggle or denial, running away from his problems rather then trying to understand them. There's NO way I would even consider reconciling unless the OW was completely out of the picture and I was there to witness it in some manner. We would need to rebuild on new foundation but I still desire him and wish for my kids to at least try. I have gotten past the OW and have forgave him already, I see the reasons why he felt he needed to go that route. 

Could we reconcile? I know...only if he wants it. But would that seize to ever exist pending on how the affair began and the reasons behind it?


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## LonelyNLost

Okay, this is called the 180. Check it out. It's not to win him back, but to help you so that you're fine no matter which way this turns out. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/self-help-marriage-relationship-programs/18671-180.html


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