# My two scents on cheating good ol fashion instincts



## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

*Why I feel books and classes SOMETIMES DONT HELP WITH CHEATING*

First off for all the people that have to deal with a wayward spouse, and or cheating spouse or an ex cheating​spouse/significant other, you have my deepest condolences especially those that have children involved. 

Before I give my two scents I’m a firm believer in you talk the talk you walk the walk in other words I have dealt with infidelity in an prior relationship and I know how difficult it can be especially when you first find out everything the constant questions, insecurities, and confusion of not knowing what to do next and having to come to terms with making a choice to stay and work it out or to leave. 

How I feel about cheaters then and how I feel about them now is pretty much the same. The thing is and you don’t have to agree with me it is my opinion… I feel that a lot of those books, tests, quizzes in how to deal with infidelity well in some ways IN SOME WAYS is a bunch of bull. And I feel that way because I don’t think there is a set formula on how a person will act, there are so many factors involved background, mental state, and frankly if they feel remorse for his or her actions and what they will do after the fact. 

I do however agree to a certain extent that some of the behaviors do share some of the similarities in lying, covering up and the rare occasion of reconciliation but I don’t see a set standard that a book can and will predict a hard carbon copy of YOUR particular situation, human beings are way more complex than that. And lets to honest folks some people are in it for the $$$$. It’s like those self help books once you start buying one, then you HAVE to buy two three four five or a whole shelf. 

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying those books are not entirely helpful or useful I just think you should take them as a grain of salt like we do with any other advice. Sometimes we get TOO caught up in trying to find out the why’s and the how’s, the what if’s and the snooping and tracking devices on the computers, phones, cars, I get it at first when you’re trying to work it out but seriously after two, three, four years,… twenty how long can you keep it up “You can trust and verify all you want but a how about you trust and verify your sanity…. I mean really? You start to behave like a bad James Bond movie and trust me I been there… I feel that we sometimes lose sight on the most important thing and that is me/us as a person. Go with your gut you will mess up make mistakes along the way were not perfect and that is ok at the end of the day we have to do what we feel is right, only time will tell.

I also feel that on the rare occasion that a couple have reconciled is because the person that cheated wanted to in the end. Sure maybe not right away and they lied and did what they felt at the time they thought was right but at the same time they loved the SO enough and wanted to work it out. 

You can’t make someone love you, make someone change, and you shouldn’t have to beat it into them over and over and over and over again if they don’t get, they don’t get it. And then the choice is up to you stay or leave. People are going to do what they want to do you can’t control them no tracking devices, playing hard to get, putting them on blast at work, family, friends etc can deter them from that, if they are going to cheat they are going to cheat if not then they won’t. Just don’t sit on the side lines for too long. 

Everyone has a different situation or circumstance, but for me once that trust is broken I can’t deal I have tried all those things and realize what I had to do for me was leave. Please keep in mind that I do realize that sometimes people need a road map or pointed in the right direction or plain ol directions period! I’m just saying don’t get lost in the process or too obsessed with keeping track with what he or she is doing. It is like a friend told me once, “You know when you had enough.” Good luck out there and I hope in time you know what makes YOU HAPPY. :smthumbup:


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## SIP (Jul 27, 2011)

So true!! Great post!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Oh wow thanks just trying to help the best way I know how. I appreciate it


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I just think the truth shall set you free I wish more people responded though oh well.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

love your post!


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

I LOVE THAT USED TOYS CAN I USE THAT??? HHAHAHAHAHHA


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

krismimo said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> I LOVE THAT USED TOYS CAN I USE THAT??? HHAHAHAHAHHA


you can go ahead and use my signature and my used toy(my ex H) if you wish.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I see more and more distressed and lost SO looking for help and guidance just so odd becasue they speak all these volumes and volumes and volumes of books and pharases but do they really know what they are talking about? To me a lot of them sound confused and or lost.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

thanks a lot for this post, just reading it was very helpful for me. All this truth we sometimes overlook that it was the cheater that cheated. I am allowed to choose what I want too, and I'm not going to live with that everlasting insecurity, and never want to feel like I have to settle for less than that. Reading this helped formulate it in my mind's eye and allowed me to mentally move on just a little further, so thanks!


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

:iagree::iagree: Lon I couldn't have said it better myself. I just wanted to share my experince and how I felt/feel, unless you have been through it. I know how I felt during and after and when I dumped his sorry a** It felt like a HUGE weight had lifted I was sad but only for a moment but then I felt relief that is when I knew that I made the right choice for me. And frankly to be honest I turned into someone I didn't like everything he did was under lock and key and I felt like a warden and although he cheated and treated me wrong no one derserves to live that way. I was with this man for almost 8 years. I know I will sound like an cheesy catch phrase but I learned a serious lesson I had to LOVE myself more than love the IDEA of what I wanted him to be, I was afraid to be alone and that was the truth. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to find a faithful partner that loved me for me. And in the end I did, compromise is important in a relationship but when you loose yourself in the process then no one gains anything. Good luck Lon and I would love to hear how you are doing. I'm so happy to have helped and you touched my heart.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

krismimo said:


> ...I know I will sound like an cheesy catch phrase but I learned a serious lesson I had to LOVE myself more than love the IDEA of what I wanted him to be, I was afraid to be alone and that was the truth.


keep the cheesy catchphrases coming, I know I've heard them all before but sometimes it is good to remind ourselves of this stuff, at this moment they seem to be exactly what I need (again). It seems sometimes like I have to go around and around over and over the same things to get to where we want to be... Kind of like how NASA sent the Apollo astronauts to the moon, not in a straight line, they had to orbit both the earth and the moon many times to get there. They could be half way done their journey yet still in Earth orbit... Personally I feel like I'm just breaking out of earth orbit and am not really looking back to the marriage I had, so I'd say I'm more than mid-way through my recovery to personal mental well-being. Still have tons of self-doubt and sadness but definitely getting better all the time. For me its not fear of being alone, heck I feel like I've been alone so much of my life that I know with certainty I can survive that, its going seemingly unwanted and without clear purpose that is so hard to shake - I want to share my life not because of fear but because I crave it so badly and feel like I will always fail to achieve it, I'm realizing I can't just wait any longer for it to automatically happen, I need to go get it but feel like I am so far behind the curve, like I'm the emotional equivalent of a adolescent in the body of an aging man wondering why life is going by too fast.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

LON you took the words right out of my mouth again you make a very valid point especially realzing that the person you loved and the "happiness" you want to obtain can't happen with him. You can't force it.


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