# Video Games? My husband prefers them over us.



## MRB

Besides his pot addiction and temper issues I also have to deal with video games. I don't want him to NOT play video games. That's not the point. It's just that is almost all he does! He comes home, eats the dinner I prepared, sits in his LaZboy and plays video games. We have 3 kids. Sons. He has literally half an hour at home before they go to bed yet he still doesn't spend it with them.
The most he'll do is tell our youngest to come sit with him for a minute. On weekends it's horrible. He just plays and ignores everyone. I read a book or play board games with the kids while he ignores us. 

The worst thing he does is when he's on Xbox live playing Call of Duty. He puts on head sets which tune us out but he also talks to other players. He doesn't just talk. He YELLS and SCREAMS and uses profanity. I have begged and pleaded with him to put the head sets away WHEN THE KIDS GO TO BED. We have a TINY house and the noise is horrid. I literally had to buy ear plugs so my kids could sleep. We all get up at 6am for school and such. This just isn't fair!

I have calmly discussed this with him a million times. He can play as much as he wants - just take off the head sets at bed time. He agrees only to basically spit in my face and leave them on screaming anyways. 
I don't see my request as unreasonable. What can I do men?? HELP ME PLEASE!!!!


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## nice777guy

Hiding the headset might help force him into a reasonable discussion.

And - if he agree's to compromise - and doesn't - then you could always turn the system off, hide his favorite game, etc.

But you need to talk first and make sure he understands your points. And I would only do these things to remind him what he's already agreed to do. Otherwise, you are just being passive aggressive.


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## MRB

I won't take away his head sets or system. Quite honestly he'll just run out and buy another one. His addiction is that bad.
These are issues that we literally talk about till I'm blue in the face. He says he understands. He's sorry. But he just does it again and again. I'm totally at a loss.


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## unbelievable

While he's at work, rent a hotel room and stick his Xbox in it. When he comes home and looks for the Xbox, toss him the room key. Tell him you didn't want his family interfering with his quality game time. Tell him when he's ready to come home, Xbox doesn't come on while the kids are up unless he's playing an appropriate game with them. No more screaming and cursing, and play will be limited to (whatever you think are reasonable hours). Tell him the next time you have to relocate him, it will be for good.


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## ilovejuicy

I just wrote my story about this. My husband is addicted to the same game. He screams and yells just like your husband does. I cant stand it either.


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## daison

I love unbelievable's suggestion. That is an AWESOME idea!


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## Draguna

Man, while videogames are my main hobby (yes... some people say I should be ashamed) it still doesn't control my life. Shame really. Taking it away won't fix it indeed. Unbelievable's suggestion is amazing though. If that doesn't fix it... I don't know what will.


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## blackalice82

a lot of men like video games,just a hobby.


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## NightEagle1981

Wow that sounds like me a few months ago. My wife hated what a jerk I became when I would play my xbox. Now I hardly touch it. If I want to play I'll do it when she's not around as well as when she is home I wont even touch it. Tell him to take a break. I went 2 weeks without playing anything and now it's like I could care less if I touched it or not


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## frustr8dhubby

Hmm, so where could I get my Dragonslaying kick out?

I do have a nice claymore sword but I don't suppose the neighborhood would be happy with me running around with it..


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## WhereAmI

Sonny said:


> take up fencing.


Your solution for Zelda? Please realize that catching ghosts and putting them in jars is completely necessary. Plus, who would buy my jars of ghosts? 

We all do something that someone else thinks is childish. My husband and I regularly try to scare each other by jumping out and screaming "BOO" from anyplace we can hide. Acting foolish and doing things that aren't exactly productive can keep grown folks happy.

All things in moderation!


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## WhereAmI

Sonny said:


> I'm addressing people that stay up all night and play obsessively.


My bad...

Address on! 



(yes, I said "my bad." It won't be the last time. HA!)


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## Kobo

You have a couple things you can do. You can do something like what unbelievable suggested but from your post he seems like he will take you up on the offer. I suggest you tell him "I love you but I'm no longer in love with you" when he asks why you tell him the video games. He'll be on TAM faster than you know it.


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## Robrobb

Um, not just men. Many, many women share this addiction too. Although, I think, fewer women play xbox.



blackalice82 said:


> a lot of men like video games,just a
> hobby.


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## Irish1985

Take away the headset. Make your point that way. He will probably get angry however YOU have a point to make. He can deal. I play alot of video games. World of warcraft and Star trek online. However I do not let it take time from my family. Ever. All things in moderation.


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## PBear

So what steps are you taking (individually and as a couple) to address his addictions? Counselling? Support groups? Anything besides complaining to him?

At some point, you may have to look at drawing a line in the sand, and telling him enough is enough. He has to decide between his family and the video games and pot. You don't talk about the family dynamics, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a generalization. If you do the majority of the housework at home, tell him that if he doesn't start behaving in a more social manner, he can start taking care of his own stuff at home. Laundry, food, etc. You'll take care of yourself and the kids, but he can start tearing himself away from the game long enough to take care of his stuff.

The true "tough love" approach would be to tell him that you have had enough, and you and the kids are going to move out for awhile, if you have a place to go. Let him begin to appreciate what he's giving up for the game.

Of course, all this can backfire horribly if he continues to sink into his own little world. But if an addict isn't willing to help himself, there's not much another person can do to MAKE him change.

C


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## Freak On a Leash

Sonny said:


> I think video games are a huge waste of time for adults. Want to play commando? go out to a gun range and see how hard it is to hit a 50 yard bulls eye. Want to play guitar? put that plastic toy down and get a real guitar and practice and take lessons. Life is here now, live in it don't simulate it.


So if he was watching "American Idol" or March Madness, then baseball and then football it would be fine? :scratchhead:

What is it with people's problem with video games? Taken in moderation there is nothing wrong or immature about it. It's no worse or better than watching TV or going to play golf or watching a baseball game. Why is one thing better or less of a "waste of time"? The problem here is not WHAT is being done, but HOW it's being done. 

Aren't all idle pursuits a "waste of time". I'm really tired of this "holier than thou" and elitist attitude when it comes to video games. Time to join the 21st century.

And YES I play World of Warcraft! "Aka' Magosh" for those who play Orcs..


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## daison

Haha, I read this response while waiting for World of Warcraft to load 

I have a different kind of story regarding video games, though. I, too, thought they were a waste of time. PARTICULARLY the above mentioned game. However, when my husband starting working away from home it ended up being something REALLY good for our relationship. It's something that we can do together without having to be in the same town.

I do, however, know what it's like to be neglected via video games. It's not healthy and I hope that you are making some headway with him :/


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## Nicbrownn80

Wow! Thats too much. I play black ops or call of duty as you call it and ranked in top 2K on the PSN network. I love the game, but i am so busy with work, school work, and my wife that it comes after the last 3. I usually play 30 min - 1 hour max a day to unwind when i get stressed or come home. I used to play WOW (word of warcraft) 6+ hours a day, come a long way. I don't see how black ops is possible to play for that long ... anyway. He needs to stop no reason why he can not cut it down to something more reasonable. Also doesn't he want to stop to spend time with you so he can have sex? maybe?


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