# So Jealous of Husband's Brother's Girlfriend



## Pretty-in-Pink

Hello everyone. My name is Chelsea and this is my first time posting in these forums. I am feeling overwhelmed with jealousy that I know is unwarranted, and I wanted to know if anyone here has experienced anything similar and if so, how did you handle it?

I married my husband in June of 2010. He is 29 and I will be 26 next month. My husband has three siblings, one sister who is quite the tomboy, and two brothers, one who is 5 years older than him and one who is one-and-a-half years older than him. When we married, we were the only ones in a relationship, the rest of his siblings were single. His mom became best friends with my mom. We have our moms over to our house frequently and we are even going on a cruise with them next month. Since his only sister is not a girly girl like me, the family always jokes that since I joined the family, his mom finally got the daughter she always wanted. 

Both of our families have also put us on a bit of a pedestal. They love that we “did everything right.” We waited for marriage to live together. We got married in a church. We invited all of our family members to our lavish wedding. We went on a honeymoon right after. We bought house months before the wedding but didn’t sleep in it till the day we got home from our honeymoon. We are planning on having children soon. We host dinner parties for our families, including Christmas dinner and Mother’s Day dinner. We are saving for a family business that we can run together. Despite being so responsible, we are fun loving and spontaneous. People always comment on how perfect of a couple we are. I know our relationship is not perfect, no relationship is, but that is how it’s perceived. 

Now my husband’s brother started dating this girl who I really do like and get along with well. And I do want to be friends with her. The problem is, I’m feeling so jealous of her. For one, she is gorgeous. I know I am very pretty, but she is prettier and much more slender. My husband’s mom can’t stop talking about how “cute” she is and how much she loves her. She also makes a lot of comments about her weight, like when it’s windy she says she’s worried she might “blow away.” As someone who is a little overweight, those comments make me feel uncomfortable. She is a real girly girl too, which kind of steels my role in the family. And since my brother’s husband still lives at home, she sees my mother-in-law daily and is getting really close to her. They even write comments on each other’s Facebook walls and leave each other Farmville gifts. Even as I write this, I know how petty it all sounds, but that doesn’t change the bubbling jealousy I feel in the pit of my stomach. I just feel like she is so much like me, just a little better in most departments. The only thing I really have on her is that I am married, and my mom is such good friends with his mom. But she even talked about introducing her mom to his mom, and that makes me really jealous too. 

I just don’t know how to deal with my emotions. I have visions of them getting married soon, everything being about them, her family becoming best friends with his mom, her hosting Christmas dinner at her house and her basically becoming the favorite daughter-in-law/sister-in-law. 

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I just can’t stop thinking about this and it is making me resent her when I don’t want to.


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## chillymorn

don't worry she'll get fat and nasty after they get married!

Just joking....... but it dose happen.

I would be like cool finally someone else to throw the christmas party for a change.and enjoy watching her get fat.


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## Rob774

Sounds like you probably always had issues/concerns about your weight in regards to thinner people. Now one of those thinner people are becoming close to your new family, hence the angst. If this is all you have to worry about being a new wife, then you are quite lucky. 

Instead of worry about how she may steal the spotlight from you , develop a bond with her yourself, then perhaps you won't feel so insecure around women like her.


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## lotuslove

Think you would feel better if you lost weight?


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## HappyWife40

I could write a book of advice for this one problem, I swear! However, I will attempt to keep it simple.

Families grow and expand, you need to accept this. Your "role" in your extended family will also grow and change over the years. Being the "sweet, cute one" (or whatever you would consider yourself) is fine for awhile, but your role needs to mature. Adding great cook, excellent wife, super housekeeper, etc. makes your role change and mature. (You don't have to add everything, those were just examples)

Right now your mother-in-law is trying to develop a relationship with a possible daughter-in-law. This is very important, just like it was important for her to develop the relationship with you. She will have different things in common with this girl and that is fun. It should not take away what she already has with you. I also agree with Rob. Developing a friendship with her could really help.

As for the possibility of her hosting Christmas (or other things), yes, this will happen, especially if they get married. Why? Because it should happen. No one in a family should have the monopoly on hosting.

I would really try to get this jealousy under control. If you don't, you will be known as the "witchy" daughter-in-law instead of something much more appealing.

Sorry to write a book. Also sorry if I sound "preachy" or judgemental. That was not my intent. I hope all goes well for you.


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## HappyWife40

WhiteRabbit said:


> So...you're jealous of farmville and chit-chats with your mother in law and a smaller waist than yours...
> 
> 
> You acknowledged this is all very petty...I am inclined to agree.
> 
> I can understand being concerned about losing your place in the family to the new girl...if the concern is being expressed by a 15 year old child.
> But you're a grown woman...a married woman who shouldn't be concerning herself with such trivial things. Look at it this way, less time playing perfect daughter in law will give you more time to work on being sexy love goddess to your husband. Instead of working tirelessly to host family gatherings, you can take classes at the local gym and work on your figure if you're not happy with it.
> 
> And if those ideas don't work for you...don't worry, you'll get knocked up soon and know the meaning of real problems and stress with a child running you ragged. Those simplistic little struggles with your jealousy about brother in law's girlfriend will seem like a cakewalk.
> 
> Good luck dear.


Totally agree with this post!


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## greenpearl

Your problem is very common. A lot of women have this problem. 

Jealousy is poison, living with jealousy is only going to ruin yourself. 

You want to be the center of attention. 

But I can tell you that this thinking is very dangerous. 

If you continue letting your jealousy control you, it is only going to make you an unpleasant person to be around. 

She may become your sister-in-law one day, she may not. You are jealous of her, she might be jealous of you too. Only love and friendship will bring you two close to each other. Your mother-in-law will be happy to see you two live in peace. Everybody has her good and bad. I am sure you have a lot of good qualities which others are envy of.


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## lonelyman

petty?....yes

if you didnt tell me you were married, and didnt tell me your ages, i honestly would have thought this was written by a high school girl....


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## Mike188

Is this a competition? No

It sounds like you have a pretty good life. Don't screw it up for yourself (possibly only in your own head) by having these jealousies. Over the course of your life the next 20 years you daughters-in-law and the future son-in-law (or daughter-in-law - not that there's anything wrong with that) will fall in and out of favor many times. Some one will always be doing good and someone will always be screwing up. You will all get your turn in the "dog house", just be patient - haha. It reminds me of a joke. If we get chased by a bear I don't really have to be faster then the bear, I just have to be faster than you. She may be pretty and slim and whatever other meaningless stuff you mentioned but once they're married she may turn out to be a lousy cook, a lousy homemaker, has a money-spending problem, etc. Just live your life and be happy.

I remember when my wife's younger sister got engaged. Her future husband was telling me how he was the luckiest guy in the world because he couldn't ask for a better mother-in-law. I didn't say anything but just felt like reaching across the table and slapping the s**t out of him. Poor dumb b*****d had no clue what fate awaited him. His relationship with the MIL started to sour even before the wedding over silly things like them not being able to agree on what kind of china they want to choose for their wedding registry, what to wear for the wedding, etc. It really got kind of petty and juvenile (on the part of both sides - but mostly my wife's side of the family). Within a year of the marriage he and the blessed mother(in law) hated each other. A year after that and the MIL was trying to get her daughter to divorce him, for no good reason in my opinion other than they (he and the MIL) didn't get along.


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## Pretty-in-Pink

Thank you to those who offered advice and constructive criticism. I do believe my insecurities surrounding my weight contribute largely to my jealousy issues. And no one is aware that I am jealous of her, not even my husband. Like I said, I do like her and have even invited her and my brother-in-law to our house for a pool party/BBQ. But since I wont tell anyone how I feel, I thought I could vent in safety online.

To lonelyman, posting an insulting comment without having anything constructive to say is just rude. You should look at your own behaviours before you insult others for their weaknesses.

Like I said, I know its petty, but jealously is a powerful emotion, and I am just struggling to deal with it.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Pretty-in-Pink said:


> Thank you to those who offered advice and constructive criticism. I do believe my insecurities surrounding my weight contribute largely to my jealousy issues. And no one is aware that I am jealous of her, not even my husband. Like I said, I do like her and have even invited her and my brother-in-law to our house for a pool party/BBQ. But since I wont tell anyone how I feel, I thought I could vent in safety online.
> 
> To lonelyman, posting an insulting comment without having anything constructive to say is just rude. You should look at your own behaviours before you insult others for their weaknesses.
> 
> Like I said, I know its petty, but jealously is a powerful emotion, and I am just struggling to deal with it.


Jealousy is indeed a powerful emotion and one of the hardest to shake! I too was jealous of the "new girl" in the clan. My SIL who I had to hear how awesome she was until I wanted to tear my own ears off. 
I don't have any magic way of helping with jealousy. The best advice here is to work on yourself. When you feel great about yourself, what others look like isn't so important. I know that sounds like "easier said than done" but trust me, it works.
That and 9 years later she hasn't aged well and yeah, I'm far better looking.


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## lonelyman

Pretty-in-Pink said:


> To lonelyman, posting an insulting comment without having anything constructive to say is just rude. You should look at your own behaviours before you insult others for their weaknesses.
> 
> Like I said, I know its petty, but jealously is a powerful emotion, and I am just struggling to deal with it.


my comment was only agreeing with what *YOU SAID*

your the one that said it was petty and i agreed with you....


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## Pretty-in-Pink

Lonelyman, I was referring to you saying I sounded like a high school student, but you seem to have deleted your post...

I dont want to start an argument, and I apologize if I took your comment the wrong way.

To therealbrighteyes, you are completely right. I think the only way I can get past my jealousy is to work on improving myself. It does help though to hear from someone who has gone through something similar.


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## Amplexor

Pretty-in-Pink said:


> Lonelyman, I was referring to you saying I sounded like a high school student, but you seem to have deleted your post...
> .


The post was deleted by me for that very reason.


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## lonelyman

Pretty-in-Pink said:


> Lonelyman, I was referring to you saying I sounded like a high school student, but you seem to have deleted your post...
> 
> I dont want to start an argument, and I apologize if I took your comment the wrong way.


yes you did take it the wrong way.....


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## Amplexor

lonelyman said:


> my comment was only agreeing with what *YOU SAID*
> 
> your the one that said it was petty and i agreed with you....


LM, I have deleted two of your posts from this thread. Consider yourself warned.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Pretty-in-Pink said:


> Lonelyman, I was referring to you saying I sounded like a high school student, but you seem to have deleted your post...
> 
> I dont want to start an argument, and I apologize if I took your comment the wrong way.
> 
> To therealbrighteyes, you are completely right. I think the only way I can get past my jealousy is to work on improving myself. It does help though to hear from someone who has gone through something similar.


MY MIL thought my SIL was the best thing since sliced bread. It irked me that I was sort of "tossed aside". Was that reality? No. It was my own insecurities and fears.
Hey, the good news is that you recognize this about yourself. That's wonderful and a starting point to move forward.


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## lonelyman

delete my account please....

i did not break any rules, i only gave my opinion....i wont be part of a forum where censorship takes place....

deleting this post so other members can not see it will only prove my point further....

bye


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## 827Aug

I have felt as you do in the past. It's really hard to deal with. I now know it's a self-esteem issue. You may want to see an individual therapist and work on those issues.


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## HappyWife40

Therealbrighteyes said:


> MY MIL thought my SIL was the best thing since sliced bread. It irked me that I was sort of "tossed aside". Was that reality? No. It was my own insecurities and fears.
> Hey, the good news is that you recognize this about yourself. That's wonderful and a starting point to move forward.


I agree with this post. I say kudos to you for recognizing the problem and asking for advice.


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## Halien

As others have said, there is no easy way to overcome the jealousy. Remember though, none of the comments about the new woman in the family take away from their feelings for you. Both of you will find your own unique place in this family. I'd encourage you to work on defining your role. It is so much more than your appearance. Remember that the new extended family is in the building phase. Some will bring humor, others will bring new traditions. Later, there will be loss, conflict, and other sadness, and you might be the one who keeps so much of them together, because you obviously care for this new family.


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## HappyWife40

Halien said:


> As others have said, there is no easy way to overcome the jealousy. Remember though, none of the comments about the new woman in the family take away from their feelings for you. Both of you will find your own unique place in this family. I'd encourage you to work on defining your role. It is so much more than your appearance. Remember that the new extended family is in the building phase. Some will bring humor, others will bring new traditions. Later, there will be loss, conflict, and other sadness, and you might be the one who keeps so much of them together, because you obviously care for this new family.


Well said! :smthumbup:


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## Amplexor

lonelyman said:


> delete my account please....


OK


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## Pretty-in-Pink

Therealbrighteyes said:


> MY MIL thought my SIL was the best thing since sliced bread. It irked me that I was sort of "tossed aside". Was that reality? No. It was my own insecurities and fears.
> Hey, the good news is that you recognize this about yourself. That's wonderful and a starting point to move forward.


This is EXACTLY how I feel, even though deep down I know its not true, its just hard to see that in the midst of my mother-in-laws fawning. Honestly, the way she talks about the girlfriend you would think she has a crush on her! How are things between you and your SIL now? And between her and your mother-in-law? Did you ever feel like you regained your position in the family?


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## Pretty-in-Pink

Amplexor said:


> OK


I'm so sorry if I contributed to this!


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## Catherine602

Pretty as was mentioned above, your family will change a great deal in the coming years. Here's a picture of a possible future. Your husbands other brother will marry and his sister will as well. There will be cousins added to the mix. . You and your children will be in competition with SIL's and grandchildren for the spot of the best and finest. 

Get the picture? It will be a miserable life for you. Although you are able to hide it from your husband now, you will not for long. Can you imagine what you will become- the DIL and Aunt and SIL that no one wants to be around. Her poor husband can not enjoy his family lest he excite his wife jealousy. The love he has for you now will change if that happens. 

You don't have to have that future. What do you think about telling your husband? I think he would be able to support you especially since you know it's not right. Secrets are bad in a marriage especially about major things. Telling him will actually bring you closer and letting it out will rob the thoughts of power. You might also work on your self esteem through therapy. You weight can be easily solved. If you have some weight now, you will pick up more when you have kids if you donnot make an effort to control it now. 

If you gain more weight you will feel even more insecure. Stay weight appropriate, that is the biggest lifelong boost to your self esteem. As you get older and other women are packing it on you will stand out if you are weight appropriate. So resolve to acquire lifelong habits that will get you there. 

One other thing. It is common and sad that women see other women as rivals and competitors. I think men are turned off by displays of jealousy among women because it shows insecurity. Men love secure women. The competition is self- defeating and very unattractive. So rising above the common behavior can be another big boost to you self esteem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pretty-in-Pink

Halien said:


> As others have said, there is no easy way to overcome the jealousy. Remember though, none of the comments about the new woman in the family take away from their feelings for you. Both of you will find your own unique place in this family. I'd encourage you to work on defining your role. It is so much more than your appearance. Remember that the new extended family is in the building phase. Some will bring humor, others will bring new traditions. Later, there will be loss, conflict, and other sadness, and you might be the one who keeps so much of them together, because you obviously care for this new family.


Its true, I really do care about my in-laws a lot, they are the family I never had. AI think I just need to figure out what my new role is. And I know appearance shouldnt have anything to do with it, but I get so hung up on it for some reason. In fact, I would go as far as saying that I base my self-worth on it. This is definitely something I need to work on!


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## Pretty-in-Pink

827Aug said:


> You may want to see an individual therapist and work on those issues.


I am seriously considering it...


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## Pretty-in-Pink

Catherine602 said:


> Pretty as was mentioned above, your family will change a great deal in the coming years. Here's a picture of a possible future. Your husbands other brother will marry and his sister will as well. There will be cousins added to the mix. . You and your children will be in competition with SIL's and grandchildren for the spot of the best and finest.
> 
> Get the picture? It will be a miserable life for you. Although you are able to hide it from your husband now, you will not for long. Can you imagine what you will become- the DIL and Aunt and SIL that no one wants to be around. Her poor husband can not enjoy his family lest he excite his wife jealousy. The love he has for you now will change if that happens.
> 
> You don't have to have that future. What do you think about telling your husband? I think he would be able to support you especially since you know it's not right. Secrets are bad in a marriage especially about major things. Telling him will actually bring you closer and letting it out will rob the thoughts of power. You might also work on your self esteem through therapy. You weight can be easily solved. If you have some weight now, you will pick up more when you have kids if you donnot make an effort to control it now.
> 
> If you gain more weight you will feel even more insecure. Stay weight appropriate, that is the biggest lifelong boost to your self esteem. As you get older and other women are packing it on you will stand out if you are weight appropriate. So resolve to acquire lifelong habits that will get you there.
> 
> One other thing. It is common and sad that women see other women as rivals and competitors. I think men are turned off by displays of jealousy among women because it shows insecurity. Men love secure women. The competition is self- defeating and very unattractive. So rising above the common behavior can be another big boost to you self esteem.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you for your reply. You're right, I absolutely don't want that for our family. I will consider telling my husband how I feel but I am very embarrassed. I do think I need to see a therapist. I am intelligent, I attended university on a full academic scholarship and graduated with honors and the girlfriend never went past high school and works at a perfume counter, but she is prettier and for some reason in my head that trumps everything....


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## Therealbrighteyes

Pretty-in-Pink said:


> This is EXACTLY how I feel, even though deep down I know its not true, its just hard to see that in the midst of my mother-in-laws fawning. Honestly, the way she talks about the girlfriend you would think she has a crush on her! How are things between you and your SIL now? And between her and your mother-in-law? Did you ever feel like you regained your position in the family?


Well, with my SIL I had to hear about her job, her intelligence, her looks, etc. all the while my career was stagnent, I never finished college, I was heavier.
As far as regaining my position, I never lost it, it was all in my head. I was perceiving the words as a slight against me but it was never a competition. My MIL has two sons. I married one and SIL married the other. No competition there unless we make it such.
As for the relationship between my SIL and MIL? Very dicey. SIL cheated and my MIL was told. Not wise at all but what is done is done. My MIL would sooner forgive Charles Manson, than someone who cheated on her son. It's a tough situation and one I am fortunate to be removed from as we all live far apart.


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## Jellybeans

Pretty-in-Pink said:


> The only thing I really have on her is that I am married


Wow. 

It sounds like you have a lot of insecurities and are projecting those onto this woman. 

Someone telling someone else they may "blow in the wind" shouldn't be an offensive thing to you. If you are unhappy with your weight you could always do things like work out, exercise, diet. As far as her being pretty and slender, there is always going to be someone younger, prettier, slender, more handsome, richer, older, more toned, taller, shorter in life. That is just the way life is. 

It sounds like you think she is going to "steal" your role in this family/in-law life as you mentioned. 

Get over that fear/insecurity. Jealousy will poison everything you do if you let it get to you and will make you uncomfortable as well as those around you.


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## greenpearl

Actually you should be glad that your mother-in-law is saying good things about your husband's brother's girlfriend in front of you. It means she is also saying a lot of good things about you in front of her. 

Be glad that your mother-in-law is not saying bad things about her. When someone is saying bad things about others in front of me, I am on alert right away, it makes me feel that she is saying bad things about me behind me also. 

My sister-in-law was very bothered when my mother-in-law kept on saying good things about me, but when my mother-in-law talks to us, she keeps on saying good things about my sister-in-law. 

And always remember, people always love themselves the most, you can never compete with them and win them. Be confident about yourself! 

When you don't want to be the center, you actually become someone everybody loves to be around, because you bring peace.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Pretty-in-Pink said:


> Thank you for your reply. You're right, I absolutely don't want that for our family. I will consider telling my husband how I feel but I am very embarrassed. I do think I need to see a therapist. I am intelligent, I attended university on a full academic scholarship and graduated with honors and the girlfriend never went past high school and works at a perfume counter, but she is prettier and for some reason in my head that trumps everything....


As someone who never finished college, I would give anything to have that degree. I have a sneaking suspicion that the girlfriend has some jealousy issues surrounding you and your amazing academic achievement. 

Looks fade but college is forever. Nobody can take that from you.


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## southernmagnolia

Pretty-in-Pink said:


> Hello everyone. My name is Chelsea and this is my first time posting in these forums. I am feeling overwhelmed with jealousy that I know is unwarranted, and I wanted to know if anyone here has experienced anything similar and if so, how did you handle it?
> 
> I married my husband in June of 2010. He is 29 and I will be 26 next month. My husband has three siblings, one sister who is quite the tomboy, and two brothers, one who is 5 years older than him and one who is one-and-a-half years older than him. When we married, we were the only ones in a relationship, the rest of his siblings were single. His mom became best friends with my mom. We have our moms over to our house frequently and we are even going on a cruise with them next month. Since his only sister is not a girly girl like me, the family always jokes that since I joined the family, his mom finally got the daughter she always wanted.
> 
> Both of our families have also put us on a bit of a pedestal. They love that we “did everything right.” We waited for marriage to live together. We got married in a church. We invited all of our family members to our lavish wedding. We went on a honeymoon right after. We bought house months before the wedding but didn’t sleep in it till the day we got home from our honeymoon. We are planning on having children soon. We host dinner parties for our families, including Christmas dinner and Mother’s Day dinner. We are saving for a family business that we can run together. Despite being so responsible, we are fun loving and spontaneous. People always comment on how perfect of a couple we are. I know our relationship is not perfect, no relationship is, but that is how it’s perceived.
> 
> Now my husband’s brother started dating this girl who I really do like and get along with well. And I do want to be friends with her. The problem is, I’m feeling so jealous of her. For one, she is gorgeous. I know I am very pretty, but she is prettier and much more slender. My husband’s mom can’t stop talking about how “cute” she is and how much she loves her. She also makes a lot of comments about her weight, like when it’s windy she says she’s worried she might “blow away.” As someone who is a little overweight, those comments make me feel uncomfortable. She is a real girly girl too, which kind of steels my role in the family. And since my brother’s husband still lives at home, she sees my mother-in-law daily and is getting really close to her. They even write comments on each other’s Facebook walls and leave each other Farmville gifts. Even as I write this, I know how petty it all sounds, but that doesn’t change the bubbling jealousy I feel in the pit of my stomach. I just feel like she is so much like me, just a little better in most departments. The only thing I really have on her is that I am married, and my mom is such good friends with his mom. But she even talked about introducing her mom to his mom, and that makes me really jealous too.
> 
> I just don’t know how to deal with my emotions. I have visions of them getting married soon, everything being about them, her family becoming best friends with his mom, her hosting Christmas dinner at her house and her basically becoming the favorite daughter-in-law/sister-in-law.
> 
> Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I just can’t stop thinking about this and it is making me resent her when I don’t want to.


I noticed that you are putting great weight on external things, how you look, having the nice house, etc.

It would help if you found more value in things that are of real substance, inside yourself, your relationships with others are more important than external validation. Happiness come from within ourselves, having peace with who we are, not what we have or how we think others see us. Jealousy is most often insecurity within ourselves, work on that.


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## Catherine602

Pretty-in-Pink said:


> Its true, I really do care about my in-laws a lot, they are the family I never had. AI think I just need to figure out what my new role is. And I know appearance shouldnt have anything to do with it, but I get so hung up on it for some reason. In fact, I would go as far as saying that I base my self-worth on it. This is definitely something I need to work on!


You are normal with the appearance thing. Women are scutinized and critizied so much on the basis of looks that it is no wonder their is so much angst over physical perfection . Just look the very best that you can with what you got. 

Always wear makeup not heavy but just enough to excentuate your eyes, get nails and feet in order and I keep the hair cut and colored and lookin' good. Dress fashionably and wear f**k-me high heels and you're good to go. 

I have a suggestion for a role. Why don't you act as the family ambassador to the new members of the family? Welcome them, entertain with an eye to getting to know the new members not to impress. Get to know the cousins as they come along and be the one that makes sure everyone gets to know one another. You can be the glue that hold the extended family together. 

That would be good for you because you did not have a family. Instead of competing for tue attention of MIL you will win the friendship, love and admiration of all the family as a generous welcoming person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southernmagnolia

WhiteRabbit said:


> it isn't your fault that you base your self worth on appearance. it would be your fault if you didn't work to change this view.
> 
> seems many women (myself included in that...although thankfully not as much as in the recent past), are raised with these unrealistic values as the fabric of who they will be when they grow up. Everything we're faced with everyday is all about appearance. You've got to be one tough,secure lady to be able to say you hang most of your self worth on strictly what's inside.
> 
> i'll be the first to admit i feel amazing when i'm dressed up,going out in my favorite brand of shoes. but if i wasn't wearing them, i'd still feel good about how i looked. You've gotta get to that point. So what, you have a few extra lbs and some skinny shiney new girl is seemingly perfect...i bet she has hairy toes or something totally NOT perfect
> 
> Along the lines of being comfortable with yourself...i bet new girl is in hyperdrive making friends with your family bc it's possible she's intimidated by YOU and your uber-wife,uber-daughterinlaw,etc role in this family. Think of it that way...the whole time you're spending being jealous of her and her boney butt, she's probably jealous of you and your status in the family,your great marriage,pretty house,ability to host large gatherings with apparent ease..etc. there's lots for her to be jealous about!


What you said was kinda of funny, taking pokes at someone else but in the long term if that is the way you have to roll so you can feel as good as, it won't give you peace of mind nor contentment. If you have to make someone less than you in order to be happy, that isn't an answer is it? I would think that means the problem is inside of you, (general you). 

Understand what I mean?


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## Jellybeans

southernmagnolia said:


> If you have to make someone less than you in order to be happy, that isn't an answer is it?





WhiteRabbit said:


> PrettyinPink doesn't have to make the girl "less" to feel better and that's not what Im recommending to her.


:iagree:


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## southernmagnolia

WhiteRabbit said:


> just trying to give her some perspective so she understands this girl isn't some goddess there to make her feel like an ogre. it isn't about making someone less. it's about understanding everyone has insecurities and things about themselves that they are ashamed of or don't feel good about..including new girlfriend. PrettyinPink doesn't have to make the girl "less" to feel better and that's not what Im recommending to her. PERSPECTIVE on the self esteem of others can sometimes help you realize you aren't so alone.*general you.*


Ok.........I get what you meant. I'm kinda new around here and didn't mean to put you on the defensive.

BTW......love, love the boots! :smthumbup:


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## 4sure

You can always tell yourself you got the better brother. You married the better son.


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## Jellybeans

Again, why must she make comparisons to the other chick in order to make herself feel better?


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## southernmagnolia

Jellybeans said:


> Again, why must she make comparisons to the other chick in order to make herself feel better?


She shouldn't. Her self worth needs to come from within not external appearances of what she has material wise.


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## greenpearl

southernmagnolia said:


> I noticed that you are putting great weight on external things, how you look, having the nice house, etc.
> 
> It would help if you found more value in things that are of real substance, inside yourself, your relationships with others are more important than external validation. Happiness come from within ourselves, having peace with who we are, not what we have or how we think others see us. Jealousy is most often insecurity within ourselves, work on that.


Southernmagnolia,

What you said is very true. 

A lot of people focus on external things, they think those things are what bring them happiness, little do they know that they are focusing on the wrong area.


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## Sanity

Jealousy is the symptom of poor self image. Look into yourself and find that wonderful person inside yourself. It's there!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NotPerfectBut

Hi Chelsea,

Sounds like you got a pretty bad case of jealousy. I've had my share too. It consumed my life and hurt my relationships.

Maybe the three things that helped me will also help you: 
1. Reading Life Without Jealousy by Lynda Bevan.
2. Finding value in myself regardless of outcomes or how others act/react.
3. As much as I convinced myself to be jealous, I can also convince myself to not be jealous using confirmation bias.

If you still need convincing, then you can send me a private message along with a picture so I can really judge your beauty... haha J-U-S-T K-I-D-D-I-N-G! You ARE beautiful and you don't need me to tell you that. Seriously. Best wishes!


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## southernmagnolia

greenpearl said:


> Southernmagnolia,
> 
> What you said is very true.
> 
> A lot of people focus on external things, they think those things are what bring them happiness, little do they know that they are focusing on the wrong area.


Ahhhh  thanks.

I'm not there yet, but I'm trying. 

Our society is so focused on what is on the outside of a person, how they look, what they wear, oh and we aren't supposed to ever get old or have a line on our face or gray hair. lol It's really twisted, imo.


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## heartsbeating

Pretty-in-Pink said:


> Thank you for your reply. You're right, I absolutely don't want that for our family. I will consider telling my husband how I feel but I am very embarrassed. I do think I need to see a therapist. I am intelligent, I attended university on a full academic scholarship and graduated with honors and the girlfriend never went past high school and works at a perfume counter, but she is prettier and for some reason in my head that trumps everything....


This comment also shows that you consider self-worth to be based on other 'superficial' things rather than a deeper nature of the person. You mentioned education, work and intelligence, these things do not measure a person's worth either.

You recognize it's a problem for your life which is a good start. I hope you can work on this for yourself - so that you can have a more fulfilling life experience of being content within yourself. When you have this contentment, you will be able to embrace the likes of this girl and enjoy being around her for all that she is.


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