# had fun...had a realization



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

So I went out last night with a group of friends to watch the UFC fights there was a single girl there. We hit it off, she rubbed my back I rubbed hers. It made me realize I'm nowhere ready to even do that. Because I found myself being happy because she thought I was cool, again with validation seking
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

proudwidaddy said:


> So I went out last night with a group of friends to watch the UFC fights there was a single girl there. We hit it off, she rubbed my back I rubbed hers. It made me realize I'm nowhere ready to even do that. Because I found myself being happy because she thought I was cool, again with validation seking
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just enjoy the back rubs then!

That's a really good thing - as long as you don't over think it..


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Sometimes it's really good to just have that reassurance.

I went on a date like, 6 months ago, with someone who neither of us would probably be able to date each other. We got a long well, but that's really about it. 

I certainly wasn't ready to date anyone, but it is good to be reminded that you're still worthy of attention from other humans.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> So I went out last night with a group of friends to watch the UFC fights there was a single girl there. We hit it off, she rubbed my back I rubbed hers. It made me realize I'm nowhere ready to even do that. Because I found myself being happy because she thought I was cool, again with validation seking


Chalk it up to enjoying someone's company and her touch. Lucky you.

There's an important shift you'll need to make in order to let go and move on, and that's your lingering need for external validation.

A truly healthy and positive sense of self never needs to validated by someone else, as it's part of you and your being. This way, no matter what happens in the future, you will never feel the same shattering loss if your next relationship doesn't work out. Besides, a strong sense of self will project outwards and make you much more appealing to women and people in general. Lots of other benefits too.


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

The best validation is self-validation, but there's nothing wrong with a little outside validation too, we all enjoy that. I'm with N777G on this, stop over thinking it and enjoy the back rub


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

True... a some external validation is important too. I agree with OldGirl. However, enjoy it but don't need it, if that makes sense.


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

canguy66 said:


> True... a some external validation is important too. I agree with OldGirl. However, enjoy it but don't need it, if that makes sense.


Makes sense


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

I totally agree...don't think too much. Don't make so many rules for yourself.

Just enjoy it!


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Yeah everyone is right, just have fun. I guess I'm just holding myself up to a higher standard than my ex held herself to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Did you cop a feel?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Well with the back rub that went from just above her butt crack, yeah I guess I did.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

My boy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Y'all are too funny. 
Proud, 
Enjoy the feeling. Enjoy any positive human contact you can come into contact with.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Proud - I understand you don't feel you are ready to date. However, if it is because you feel that your need for validation is not good, then please reconsider. I don't think you can improve your desire to seek validation by not dating. It's like trying to learn something without the proper material. You said that it was this encounter that made you realize something about yourself. Instead of shying away from experiences, you need to have more. Dating will help you rather than impede your self improvement. 

As long as you are honest and you treat your dates with repect, you will learn a lot about yourself and women. . Get to know a variety of women and treat them as you yourself want to be treated. The only way you will improve is to focus on the woman you are with and not on being someone to make them like you. 

Be yourself, what do you have to lose. Once you find that woman who likes you just the way you are, you will gain confidence to be yourself, get as much out of a relationship as you give and to be honest about what you need. I think the last part is the most important. Once you are able to ask for and expect to get what you need, you will know that you can handle a relationship with a woman with whom you develp a genuine connection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Catherine602 said:


> Proud - I understand you don't feel you are ready to date. However, if it is because you feel that your need for validation is not good, then please reconsider. I don't think you can improve your desire to seek validation by not dating. It's like trying to learn something without the proper material. You said that it was this encounter that made you realize something about yourself. Instead of shying away from experiences, you need to have more. Dating will help you rather than impede your self improvement.
> 
> As long as you are honest and you treat your dates with repect, you will learn a lot about yourself and women. . Get to know a variety of women and treat them as you yourself want to be treated. The only way you will improve is to focus on the woman you are with and not on being someone to make them like you.
> 
> ...


QFT!!!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

nice777guy said:


> QFT!!!



I had to look that one up, LOL!


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> I had to look that one up, LOL!


Me too


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> So I went out last night with a group of friends to watch the UFC fights there was a single girl there. We hit it off, *she rubbed my back I rubbed hers*. It made me realize I'm nowhere ready to even do that. Because I found myself being happy because she thought I was cool, again with validation seking
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What??!??!!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Jayb said:


> What??!??!!


What? Whats wrong with that?? They were 2 warm friendly people giving out warm friendly back rubs.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Catherine602 said:


> What? Whats wrong with that?? They were 2 warm friendly people giving out warm friendly back rubs.


Two fairly big issues here...

1. Where's MY backrub?!?
2. It lead him to over think and turn it into a "realization" of some sorts instead of just enjoying what sounds like a really nice moment!

Ok - have to ad:
3. Jones beat Evans


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> Two fairly big issues here...
> 
> 1. Where's MY backrub?!?
> 2. It lead him to over think and turn it into a "realization" of some sorts instead of just enjoying what sounds like a really nice moment!
> ...


1. :whip: this is the closest I could come to a back rub. Will that make you happy? 
2. I hope he comes back and gives an accounting of himself. 
3. I think this Jones person should be arrested for assault if he is beating up on this Evans person. Did you call the authoridies?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Catherine602 said:


> 1. :whip: this is the closest I could come to a back rub. Will that make you happy?
> 2. I hope he comes back and gives an accounting of himself.
> 3. I think this Jones person should be arrested for assault if he is beating up on this Evans person. Did you call the authoridies?


Lol!

The whip is great!

I think he got the point about not over thinking.

And...wont go into my defense of Mixed Martial Arts. If you've never watched, give it a chance - although it's never helped ME score a backrub!


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