# Help me. Never thought like this before



## Lov (May 21, 2014)

Hi everyone, 

I've been married for two years and I have been with my husband in total for 6 years. Lately, I've been having unwanted thoughts like marrying someone else. It's killing me that I am having those thoughts. I just want to die. I love my husband so much and I would never want the love between us to fade, but my mind is now thinking "what if..." and I don't want to think this way. I want think like the way I used to think. My husband is loyal and committed and I honestly can't ask for better, but I've been noticing some of his flaws lately (like his messiness and stupid things like that) I don't know why I can't move past them and accept them. How can I accept them? And how do I get these negative impulsive thoughts to stop? They're making me have anxiety!!!! Is it normal to have thoughts like that sometimes? BECAUSE IT'S KILLING ME. I FEEL SO GUILTY I feel like I can't look at him because I am so ashamed I had these thoughts


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Please be transparent with him about this, and anything else on your mind. A strong man is not going to be fazed by this. 

No one is perfect. My dh leaves his dirty clothes on the floor sometimes, too, and we have been together 21 years. It is annoying, but so is my disinterest in learning about technology. We just live with each other's faults, you know?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

At two years, you're still adjusting to being married and learning about what is important in a marriage. Loyalty, commitment and honesty are important and what will carry you through a lifetime together. Tidiness is not anywhere on the list of what makes a solid marriage.

Your expectations of him might be too high - all people have quirks and flaws. Whatever new person you would get involved with would also have some quirks and flaws that you would hate, some of them much worse than a messy house, like being prone to cheating or lying or ignoring you or not caring about your needs or being a bad lover or not spending any time with you or refusing to communicate or...

If the house is too messy for you to deal with, hire a housekeeper to come in and clean twice a month. Ask him to stop doing ONE thing that you hate the most about his messiness, and forget about the rest. Or stop worrying about the mess and spend your time appreciating the man who loves you more than anyone else does.

How old are you? Young people are less tolerant of small issues, often because they have no idea how small they really are in the long run. Loyalty, commitment and honesty will ALWAYS beat clean and tidy in the long run, because clean and tidy isn't any comfort when your H is cheating, spends more time at work and with friends than he does with you, plays video games all day long, or doesn't give a sh*t when you are sick.


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## worriedgirl789 (May 21, 2014)

Did you ever have these feelings, even briefly, before you were married? If not, what has changed? You have been in a relationship with him for a total of 6 years, so why did getting a piece of paper (marriage license) change things?


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