# Pain...



## SBS (10 mo ago)

The pain is almost unbearable. My spouse moved on before the divorce papers were filed.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Tell us more.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

SBS said:


> The pain is almost unbearable. My spouse moved on before the divorce papers were filed.


Welcome to TAM (sadly)

Spouses do that sometimes. And it’s not always a bad thing, it helps with the detachment process. If you’re gonna divorce…why not. It is painful, but it would be anyway. Sorry @SBS


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

SBS said:


> The pain is almost unbearable. My spouse moved on before the divorce papers were filed.


Do not be afraid. What you are feeling is normal. Yes it's incredibly painful, but it's also common. And IT WILL PASS. YOU WILL HAVE JOY IN YOUR LIFE AGAIN.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

SBS said:


> The pain is almost unbearable. My spouse moved on before the divorce papers were filed.


The same happened to me. Cliche to say, but time will heal that pain little by little. Keep yourself busy, or try.


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## justaguylookingforhelp (Nov 4, 2021)

I just want to reiterate what others have said. My ex told me she wanted a divorce to be with another guy. Our divorce is being finalized tomorrow. In the meantime, she has moved out and we have 50-50 custody of our kids. When it is her "off" week without the kids, she lives with her boyfriend. She'll be at his house tomorrow for our Zoom to finalize the divorce. Does that hurt a bit, that someone I cared about has moved on as if our 15+ years together meant nothing? Yes, of course. But eventually you move forward. At first, I felt really sad about the divorce. Now? Not so much. I still have some anger, but overall I am in a much better mindset than I was 6 or 12 months ago. The same will happen with you. It does take time and it is natural to feel sad about it. 

Try to do things you enjoy, talk to friends or family, see a therapist, exercise or be active in some way, keep yourself busy, don't drink too much. There will be waves of emotions during this, but you will come out the other side better off. Best of luck. Keep coming back here to vent. I have found this online community to be extremely helpful.


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## SBS (10 mo ago)

thunderchad said:


> Tell us more.





justaguylookingforhelp said:


> I just want to reiterate what others have said. My ex told me she wanted a divorce to be with another guy. Our divorce is being finalized tomorrow. In the meantime, she has moved out and we have 50-50 custody of our kids. When it is her "off" week without the kids, she lives with her boyfriend. She'll be at his house tomorrow for our Zoom to finalize the divorce. Does that hurt a bit, that someone I cared about has moved on as if our 15+ years together meant nothing? Yes, of course. But eventually you move forward. At first, I felt really sad about the divorce. Now? Not so much. I still have some anger, but overall I am in a much better mindset than I was 6 or 12 months ago. The same will happen with you. It does take time and it is natural to feel sad about it.
> 
> Try to do things you enjoy, talk to friends or family, see a therapist, exercise or be active in some way, keep yourself busy, don't drink too much. There will be waves of emotions during this, but you will come out the other side better off. Best of luck. Keep coming back here to vent. I have found this online community to be extremely helpful.


Thank you so much for the encouragement. I recently started my MBA, gotten a therapist and joined this community. I don't drink or smoke. However, I definitely thought about picking up both habits in the beginning. This platform provides a great outlet for me. It feels so good to know I'm not alone in this.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

No contact = no new hurts. It’s your only good path in this situation.


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## SBS (10 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> No contact = no new hurts. It’s your only good path in this situation.


Agreed! I blocked my spouse number. I woke up to 13 missed calls and 4 text.


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## justaguylookingforhelp (Nov 4, 2021)

No, you are not alone. Sadly, this community shows there are a LOT of us out there. However, the good news is that people on here are very helpful and will give honest, constructive feedback. And you can just vent at times if need be. It is all a process and I think utilizing this space is a good use of your time in that overall process of wrapping your mind around this new reality.


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## SBS (10 mo ago)

justaguylookingforhelp said:


> No, you are not alone. Sadly, this community shows there are a LOT of us out there. However, the good news is that people on here are very helpful and will give honest, constructive feedback. And you can just vent at times if need be. It is all a process and I think utilizing this space is a good use of your time in that overall process of wrapping your mind around this new reality.


I agree. I just joined yesterday and I already feel blessed to have this support.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Are you male or female? What about your spouse?

Did your spouse cheat on you? That normally results in moving on quickly.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

SBS said:


> Agreed! I blocked my spouse number. I woke up to 13 missed calls and 4 text.


Just remember. No contact is up to you. No one else has a say in your life unless you allow it.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Most past a certain age do not change. Accept it and let them go. Life is short. Don’t waste it on fruitless ventures.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

SBS said:


> The pain is almost unbearable. My spouse moved on before the divorce papers were filed.


Sorry but the move was probably earlier than you think. It usually is. You just weren’t told.


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## ytho (10 mo ago)

SBS said:


> I don't drink or smoke. However, I definitely thought about picking up both habits in the beginning.


Keep away from both of these. Neither will help and can only hurt. Speaking from experience here


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## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

Yes, very very painful. My H left in the hope of having a relationship with a 20 y.o. (He's 50). I can't express how horrible it is to have your spouse throw away your seemingly good marriage (although apparantly not) and move on like nothing. It is frankly unreal and shocking. One thing I majorly majorly agree with is NO contact (if you can do that or limited contact if kids/business). I have found not seeing or talking to him helps me in a big way. Having to see/talk to him will keep your emotions on a major roller coaster. Also keeping distracted and busy. It has gotten somewhat better and many people on here will tell you that you will heal and find joy again. Hugs!


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## SBS (10 mo ago)

thissucks7788 said:


> Yes, very very painful. My H left in the hope of having a relationship with a 20 y.o. (He's 50). I can't express how horrible it is to have your spouse throw away your seemingly good marriage (although apparantly not) and move on like nothing. It is frankly unreal and shocking. One thing I majorly majorly agree with is NO contact (if you can do that or limited contact if kids/business). I have found not seeing or talking to him helps me in a big way. Having to see/talk to him will keep your emotions on a major roller coaster. Also keeping distracted and busy. It has gotten somewhat better and many people on here will tell you that you will heal and find joy again. Hugs!


I'm sorry that you're going through this. I hope and pray that things will get better for the both of us soon. Having limited contact with my ex is the best course of action for me. It hurts to even look at him. I'm learning to trust the healing process. I'm also trying to make the best of a terrible situation. I recently started working on my MBA. That's a healthy distraction for me. Thank you for your response. Things will get better...


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