# Please tell me about your happy marriage ❤️



## GuacaColey

In another month or so my nightmare of a marriage should be over. Praise the Lord! 

I’m starting to feel the desire to maaaaybe think about dating at some point in the distant future. Like any divorcee I naturally have a lot of fears about making some mistakes again but I still believe there are people out there that make marriages work and are super happy. 

So if that’s you, please tell me your story! It can be as short or long as you’d like. Feel free to brag about your marriage. I need some encouragement and hope for the (much distant) future. 


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## WilliamM

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## oldshirt

Don't fret it. There are lots of healthy, happy marriages out there. 

Even marriages that end in divorce often had happy and healthy times in it. And long-term marriages had a number of very hard and trying times and perhaps even terrible times. 

Relationships come and go. You are probably not still involved with your very bestest friend(s) in 5th grade. 

People move away from their parents house and have less and less face-to-face contact. We all have cousins that may not have seen or talked to in years and years or even decades. 

But that does not mean that we do not have close, healthy and supportive relationships going on at any given time in our lives. 

You'll make mistakes in future relationships; we all do. Life goes on. Don't fret it now.


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## Married but Happy

My first (long) marriage was a miserable, sexless mess. But, I did learn from it, and also did some research and reflection, so I knew myself and what I wanted in a future relationship.

I wanted someone who wanted the best for me, as I wanted the best for them. That's easier when you have the same values, goals, beliefs, and attitudes, and many shared interests allow for the closeness to develop and increase. After a sexless marriage, I also prioritized finding someone highly sexual, with high lbido and few repressed attitudes. I kept dating until I found someone who met these criteria, and would not seriously continue dating anyone who did not. I did meet a great match, and in the past 18 years we've had a marvelous relationship. We've always had each other's backs, we both do what we can to help each other be happy and fulfilled, and we share many interests so we love spending time together pursuing those interests. And, we're both high libido and still have sex almost daily - and it is still exciting, because we know how to keep things fresh.

So, GuacaColey, you can find the same if you are patient, persistent, and meet a lot of people to find one who will rock your world for the long term. BTW, we dated and lived together for over 7 years before getting married - marriage wasn't a necessity, other than for pragmatic reasons (health insurance). We've stayed together through long term - as well as acute - illness and injury, and severe financial setbacks. Having each other made those easier to manage. Loyalty and devotion are essential - but only time will tell if your partner has these traits. Good luck!


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## Diana7

We have been married for 12 years after we both had long first marriages that ended in divorce. We met on an online Christian dating site 6 years after my marriage ended but not that long after his marriage ended. We married 9 months after meeting. 
We are both far happier than we were in our first marriages and I feel very blessed to have such a good husband. He is a man of integrity and strong values. He is also a very good step dad to my three adult children. 

I do know quite a few very happy second marriages which is lovely. I also know of many many happy first marriages. 

My advise, don't date for a year or two.


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## Diana7

Married but Happy said:


> My first (long) marriage was a miserable, sexless mess. But, I did learn from it, and also did some research and reflection, so I knew myself and what I wanted in a future relationship.
> 
> I wanted someone who wanted the best for me, as I wanted the best for them. That's easier when you have the same values, goals, beliefs, and attitudes, and many shared interests allow for the closeness to develop and increase. After a sexless marriage, I also prioritized finding someone highly sexual, with high lbido and few repressed attitudes. I kept dating until I found someone who met these criteria, and would not seriously continue dating anyone who did not. I did meet a great match, and in the past 18 years we've had a marvelous relationship. We've always had each other's backs, we both do what we can to help each other be happy and fulfilled, and we share many interests so we love spending time together pursuing those interests. And, we're both high libido and still have sex almost daily - and it is still exciting, because we know how to keep things fresh.
> 
> So, GuacaColey, you can find the same if you are patient, persistent, and meet a lot of people to find one who will rock your world for the long term. BTW, we dated and lived together for over 7 years before getting married - marriage wasn't a necessity, other than for pragmatic reasons (health insurance). We've stayed together through long term - as well as acute - illness and injury, and severe financial setbacks. Having each other made those easier to manage. Loyalty and devotion are essential - but only time will tell if your partner has these traits. Good luck!


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## FalCod

24 years of marriage so far. 2 kids. Still very passionate about each other. No cheating. No serious fights. We sometimes argue, but we never yell or disrespect each other.

I think it helps that we've never been too seriously challenged. We haven't ever had any financial stress. We've moved a few times, but we are both quick to make friends so that hasn't been a huge problem. We've had some health issues, but nothing life threatening or disabling.

I wish I could offer great advice on how to have a successful marriage, but the truth is that for us it just is what it is. My wife thinks that the key to a happy marriage is having a lot of sex, a point that I never argue against.


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## NobodySpecial

It would be hard to describe all the changes and things over 25 or so years. There have been challenges over the years. I think the thing that has seen us through was a balance of effective limit setting where necessary and radical acceptance of who the other people were. We married each other because we loved each other, not so we could change each other after the wedding day. REALLY learning to communicate helps a lot. People think communication is as simple as talking and listening. It isn't. When we were in counseling, we had the talking stick. When one person had it, we spoke. When the other had it, they paraphrased what they thought was said. We almost fell off the couch laughing when the therapist looked at DH and said, that is really what you heard her say?


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## CharlieParker

By TAM logic we shouldn't still be married - sex on the first date (technically before the first date), she was cheating, she had a huge number, she was my first. But it's been 25 years, and all without infidelity or attempted homicide.


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## ConanHub

Happy marriages?

Successful marriages aren't always happy but loyalty, hard work and commitment have seen me and Mrs. Conan through sickness, tragedy, family drama and all kinds of stress that would have torn us apart otherwise.

At one point she was taking us down a far less sexual path where she started to be controlling towards me and restrictive about how much sex we had.

I communicated honestly with her and didn't beg or plead. Just stated I wouldn't be handled or hampered sexually, ever and she could choose to be my partner or someone else would but I would have a partner and she was my first and only choice for me to pour my passion into.

I let her know that my heart beat for her but I would not be lacking a sex partner forever if she removed sex from her menu.

She immediately reversed course, took my hand, leading me upstairs and proceeded to try and kill me with sex.
That conversation happened maybe 7 or 8 years ago and she has never let me down in that department since.

Turns out, among other factors, a couple of church ladies had been convincing her I was too domineering and she needed to exert more control over me. They said I didn't respect her or some such nonsense.

We have dealt with, and still are, health issues, financial problems, family issues and drama and stress but remain committed to each other.

The past two years have been devastating for us and during that time I was tempted to stray for the first time in our marriage.

I didn't and confessed my struggle first to close friends and then to her.

Openness and communication are key.

We still struggle but we do it together.

At times we have probably hated each other but not for long and we both get broken hearted for allowing those feelings to develop to that point.

Love is action and work. The feelings follow what you choose to do.

I chose to love her over 26 years ago and I'm choosing to love her every day I wake up.

I hope good fortune for you.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

31 years.

No cheating, no serious fights, never a single discussion of divorce.

3 successful (now adult) children

We're now enjoying the empty nest. When I travel for work, she sometimes goes with me. Then after work in some other city, every night is Date Night! What fun.


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## ConanHub

P.S. She was 11 years older, I was a 20 year old wild man, she was a single mom, twice divorced having been cheated on and cheated in both her marriages as well as her being the OW two times before she got married.

She was my first, and only, marriage but my partners list outdistanced hers by a big margin.

When we met, we both realized we needed to be better people to make "Us" work. We both changed and grew. "We" were worth it.


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## SimplyAmorous

Myself & husband met in our teens.....35 yrs later and some things still haven't changed.. we'd still rather get off alone over being with anyone else.. he's my Best friend, my lover, my everything...

We just seemed to want the same things ...both more on the serious side, not partiers in our youth, wanted to settle down, have a family, to save for a country home, to sail through the valleys & mountain tops together hand in hand... my husband is a very giving man.. his being in my life has helped me be a better person even...he's shown me what love is.. 

All this mush doesn't mean we don't fight once in while... We do !...we're naturally Open books with each other.. we don't lie, even white lie, or hide.. we share our ALL.... .this can cause some conflict at times, especially if I go running at the mouth in an angry moment (I am more the hot head, he is the calm breeze who knows how to handle me).... but always, we find our peace, we don't even leave each others side till we work it out...shortly it all ends in "make up sex".. so we can't complain too much about that ... 

The world around us can be a scary place at times, so much instability, everything falling apart on the daily news ... together we've always brought each other comfort in the midst of it all....

Our differing personalities are "complimentary" to each other, we enjoy the other's humor/ bantering style... where he is strong... I may be weak.. where I am strong.. he may struggle, yet we admire & are attracted to those attributes .... this helps [email protected] We've always been compatible in our vision, our values, even the type of friends we have, what fulfills us.... this has allowed us to "easily" live with each other...

Love being married... at least to whom I am married to. My husband often says he hopes we make it to our rocking chairs together...then I joke I can see it now, still pressuring him to give me the bone. ha ha.. Happy we live in the day of viagra !

I think these 2 articles sum up the obvious... things we should be realistically mindful of when feeling we have found that special someone.. be careful...understand what you can live with, and what will cause you to be pulling out your hair down the road, ending in a train wreck...

 LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

COMPATIBILITY AND CHEMISTRY IN RELATIONSHIPS


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## BioFury

Diana7 said:


> My advise, don't date for a year or two.


Don't?


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## Rhubarb

I'm not sure I'm really qualified to say much because I've only been remarried for a couple of years now, however I am super happy with my wife. I married her after the 12 years of my disastrous first marriage which was filled with alcoholism and cheating.


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## Diana7

BioFury said:


> Don't?


Yes few people are ready for another relationship for that time. I waited 4 years.


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## BioFury

Diana7 said:


> Yes few people are ready for another relationship for that time. I waited 4 years.


Oh, I thought you meant keep your courtship of the new person shorter than 2-3 years.


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## MrsHolland

Second marriage for us. Happy would be too simple a description.

We have a busy, blended family with 5 late teens, young adults all living at home (mine are 50/50 with their dad). Modern family in that our ex's are part of our extended family and we have celebrations together.

Main complication is MrHs mentally ill first wife and the impact it has had on him, walked on egg shells for 20 years.

Through it all we are an amazing match. We share the same core values and belief systems. Have good relationships with each others children and families. We have never had a disagreement on who does what in and around the house, we are both doing type of people and enjoy working together to do the daily things like cooking, gardening etc.

We have no financial worries and lead a very nice life of dinners out, travel and lots of adventures together.

Simply put, he is an amazing man, we are a perfect match, our sex life is spectacular. We have had some major ups and downs but these are challenges to be met, not to run from.


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## As'laDain

first marriage here. 

met her in two 2008 on an online dating site. i messaged her and then disappeared for training for a couple months. i came back, saw she messaged me back. so i messaged her back, we started talking, and about five dates and a few weeks later i married her. 

we didnt particularly like each other at the time. but, i guess thats just how i roll. i kind of have a tendency to make decisions on a whim and then just stick with them. joined the army on a whim, over a decade ago. still in. married on a whim, nearly a decade ago. still married. 

we spent the first two years pretty much hating each other. well, not really hating, but neither of us got along well. we didnt like each others company. we weren't very attracted to each other either. not that we spent much time together... i actually got to talk to her more often when i was deployed than i did when i was home, such as my training schedule was. 

after we had been married for about four years, we moved to california for a couple years so i could attend a course for a job change. it was the first time in our marriage that i was home every day for longer than a few days at a time. i was home every day for two years... thats when we finally fell in love. 

i wouldn't change anything.


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## Luvher4life

My wife and I have been married for over 21 years. We met on a phone dating service. We knew after the first time we talked to each other that we had similar values, similar backgrounds, and similar beliefs. We talked for 3-1/2 hours on the phone long distance, laughing it up and getting to know each other. It's like we had known each other all our lives. After a few phone calls we met up for a date. We were attracted to each other immediately, great chemistry, good conversation, lots of laughing, and a great date. We didn't want it to end. I hate to admit it, but we spent the weekend together.

I won't say it was easy, especially the first decade before I became a Christian, but we made it through stronger than ever. I can't imagine life without her. Some difficulties along the way and we stuck together. We still laugh a lot, and have sex 4 to 6 times a week.

We have two very intelligent, very beautiful, and well adjusted daughters. The eldest is 20 years old, was valedictorian of her class, and is now a junior in college, set to graduate in the spring of '19 with a bachelor's degree in education. The other is 17, a senior in high school, will be salutatorian (should've been valedictorian, but that's a whole other story), is a powerlifter and softball pitcher / player, and plans on being a registered nurse.

I am truly BLESSED! There is definitely NO lack of love in our home.


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## Yeswecan

Sneaking up on 24 years. My W and I have had our challenges. Financial stress, death of parents(cancer at early age, teenager crazy, etc. ) We shoulder on as none of this became an excuse to go do something that would under-mind our commitment to each other. 

We are very happy sexually, with our companionship/friendship and our work towards our golden years.


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## SoFlaGuy

First, and only, marriage. Closing in on 30 years, no kids by choice, doing ok financially, enjoy each others company. I think we bring the best out in each other, we're both willing to try things outside of our comfort zones and take part in each others interests.We met at the right time, she had a pretty normal upbringing and was a good girl, my childhood was pretty crazy and I was on a bad path until three months before we met. She helped me stay on the right track, (also coming up on 30 years sober) and we've built a nice life together. Through good times and bad, she's been my best friend and there is no one I would rather spend my life with.


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## Sbrown

My wife and I are going on ten years together, 8 married. She's my third marriage so in the beginning of the relationship I was very very guarded. I lost my full time job in the fall of 09, when I went home and told her, her response was "well I better see if I can get my waitress job back.". The phenomenal part about this is she was already doing 80 hour weeks at her full time job. She worked 100-120 hours a week and I begged for hours at my part time job and looked daily for 9 months to find another job. 

In June of 10 I found a job, and knew I had to ask her to be my wife. Things were so so so tight during that time but we made our payments on time and managed to eat as well. We never fought about money, she never blamed me for the trouble we were going through even though it was totally my fault. She became my rock. 

I asked her to marry me and planned the wedding for August 3, and two weeks before the wedding I come home to find out I was gonna be a dad. My heart and soul changed from that moment on. Our marriage went near sexless for a time after our son was born, but thinks to TAM it's stronger than it ever. She is my best friend, she believes in me, she lives me totally. I feel it every day. 

She sent me this message while I was on a guys snowmobile trip. 

"I love you because:
-You believe in me
-You make it easy for me believe in myself
-You are an amazing husband
-You are an amazing dad
-You are a great provider
-You are the best friend I have ever had
-You have shown me what true love and happiness is
-You make me want to be a better wife and mother
-You are an amazing supporter

Just wanted you to have a little reminder of some of the many reasons I love you! ️️️"

She is an amazing wife and mother. 

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk


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## LeananSidhe

My husband and I have been married for almost 15 years. We met when I was 17 and he was 18 and married young at 19 and 20. (That seems CRAZY to me now!) We are extremely happy. 

I think part of what helped us was that we were able to build a pretty solid foundation before having kids. We were married for 5 years before our first child was born and now we have 3. I think that being married for those 5 years let us really get to know each other. The real us without the stresses of being busy parents. We adore our children but raising them is tough so it’s easy for parents to kind of go on auto pilot. There have definitely been times like that for us and I think it would be harder to come back from if we didn’t have as strong of a foundation.


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## heartsbeating

Together 23 years. 

No relationship is perfect. It takes commitment, growth, and consideration from both.

I think the world of my husband. Very recently, I was astounded by his humility. The man he has become, leaves a lasting impression on me. He drives me nuts at times too. And I'm sure he could relate! Our dynamic can be goofy, flirty, pragmatic, spontaneous, intimate. What I have really come to appreciate most, is having each others' back. 

There's support and respect to grow individually. There's dedication and consideration to grow together. 

I asked my husband if he thought we had a happy marriage. While that question simplifies things, he acknowledged we have some things to work on together but said the love, respect and trust shared keeps us solid. 

And we have fun together; rock concerts, orchestra, stand-up, weekend away, spontaneous picnic... all that stuff is connecting. Interests we have away from one another gives us more to talk about and share when we come back home.


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## PatJourno

T.A.K.E your time when dating....




GuacaColey said:


> In another month or so my nightmare of a marriage should be over. Praise the Lord!
> 
> I’m starting to feel the desire to maaaaybe think about dating at some point in the distant future. Like any divorcee I naturally have a lot of fears about making some mistakes again but I still believe there are people out there that make marriages work and are super happy.
> 
> So if that’s you, please tell me your story! It can be as short or long as you’d like. Feel free to brag about your marriage. I need some encouragement and hope for the (much distant) future.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## M042

Diana7 said:


> We have been married for 12 years after we both had long first marriages that ended in divorce. We met on an online Christian dating site 6 years after my marriage ended but not that long after his marriage ended. We married 9 months after meeting.
> We are both far happier than we were in our first marriages and I feel very blessed to have such a good husband. He is a man of integrity and strong values. He is also a very good step dad to my three adult children.
> 
> I do know quite a few very happy second marriages which is lovely. I also know of many many happy first marriages.
> 
> My advise, don't date for a year or two.


So....your current husband started dating you 'not long after his marriage ended' but OP should not date for 'a year or two'??


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## thefam

My kids will be up shortly and I have a flight to catch so can't really share our story. Plus we've only been married 13 years so we're still in the honeymoon phase. LOL 

just wanted to share one thing quickly which is the importance of having long honest talks before marriage. Premarital counseling would be ideal but some cpinselors actually suck so...

I think our long talks are key to our marriage success it helped us to set a precedent for being comfortable telling each anything and everything. It also revealed that "making" conversation would never be an issue with us. We can talk for hours (well I can LOL) about nothing and everything. 

Oh and one more key...never let your sex life wane in marriage. Even through my period of very low sex drive due to bc pills I did not turn down sex with my H. This will only work if you both commit to not being a jerk to each other.

Lastly I LOVE being married to my H because weeven with all his faults he always demonstrates that he loves and cherishes me. He makes me feel loved and I actually think I do a pretty good job of making him feel loved and respected.


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## Diana7

M042 said:


> So....your current husband started dating you 'not long after his marriage ended' but OP should not date for 'a year or two'??


They had already had a long separation. I think it was a year, before the divorce started. 
For me it was 4 years before I knew I was ready for dating again. My marriage ending was very sudden, his was more gradual. That makes a difference as well.


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## alte Dame

Coming up on 35 years of a roller coaster that has been climbing for the last years. I love him. I do. I still smile spontaneously when he walks in the room.


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## [email protected]

What interesting stories!

Ten years married here. I told her when we first met that it was a false honeymoon and that the future would have trials and tribulations. But that never happened, with one exception I'll relate at the end. 

Communication is everything. The instant I see her stewing over something, I get it out of her and I am never wrong. Both of us work really hard in our respective areas and both of us really appreciate the other. Our children are young and we homeschool them. We have slowed down with sex, but it is still every day. If it is twice in a day I will not have a second orgasm but I never turn her down. 

It's been an ongoing honeymoon with one major exception. I have a couple of businesses, one she'd need a PhD to help with but the other is construction.  Occasionally I absolutely must have a helper, and it could be something as simple as hooking a chain up around a frame while I am operating a bulldozer. She is a narcissistic *****, combative and sadistically cruel beyond belief. She absolutely refuses to listen to the simplest instruction. She is a saboteur, doing exactly the wrong thing every time and guaranteeing it is going to be a major war with screaming and drama. Fortunately the kids are just getting old enough now to where I can use them instead. A six year old can do the things she refuses to.

This is so baffling to me, but that's the way it is. She is a dream come true everywhere else in our relationship except when I need the slightest bit of help on a construction related matter. Then she is a nightmare beyond belief - a real Jekyll and Hyde. I know that the reason she does it is to punish me for having her do something she doesn't like. But it would be so much wiser to spend one minute listening and 30 seconds following the instruction instead of causing hours of pain and misery for both of us.


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## LeGenDary_Man

Married for 4 years and going strong (met each other about 2 years earlier; engagement lasted 9 months). My wife is a wonderful woman and supported me through thick and thin.

However, our journey wasn't entirely pinky and rosy; I had intimacy-related issues 'early on' and my wife felt neglected consequently [both of us were virgins prior to tying the knot]. However, I worked hard to overcome my shortcomings and we are blessed with a lovely daughter today (my little angel) 0. My wife is really happy and this is all that matters to me. :smile2:

Ingredients of a successful relationship: _commitment_, _communication_ and _faith_.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Married 33 years. All good. Just remember there are peaks and valleys and always take the long view. I have it great. Yes, kids, grandkids, etc. 
😊 and yes we still carry on 3 to 5 times/week. 
Love like no tomorrow. We're in synch. It can be done. And we married early, me just couple years out of college, and I graduated early.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> 31 years.
> 
> No cheating, no serious fights, never a single discussion of divorce.
> 
> 3 successful (now adult) children
> 
> We're now enjoying the empty nest. When I travel for work, she sometimes goes with me. Then after work in some other city, every night is Date Night! What fun.


Yep, I have to say we're enjoying the empty nest. 33 yrs and we now have more time to walk nekkid through the house, anytime we want. All kids married, successfull, a lot to be thankful for.


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## jorgegene

i was single through age 52. didn't miss women cause i didn't have them. you don't miss what you haven't had.
was pretty darned happy in my singleness. hardly ever envied those in marriage or with girlfriends.
(maybe once in a while, but not enough to change).
a number of people thought i was weird. so what. maybe i was. 
or maybe i have just not followed the crowd much
in my life and do things on my own terms, when i'm ready and not before.

well, for the last 12 years i had girlfriends continuously until 6 years ago i met my current wife.
it will be 5 years married next month. i surprised the heck out of myself, cause i'm very happy with my married life.


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## arbitrator

*I don't have a happy marriage! Hell, the fact of the matter is that I've had two rather pi$$y ones earlier in life where I've been been blatantly lied to and cheated on like a big dog!

But that does not, in any way, begin to diminish the fact that I love hearing about them! Gives me something to look forward to if Marriage No. 3 ever has reason to come around knocking on my door! 

So without further adieu, please carry on!*


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

gowithuhtred said:


> Married 33 years. All good. Just remember there are peaks and valleys and always take the long view. I have it great. Yes, kids, grandkids, etc.
> 😊 and yes we still carry on 3 to 5 times/week.
> Love like no tomorrow. We're in synch. It can be done. And we married early, me just couple years out of college, and I graduated early.


Hey I quoted myself here. *not typing again😁.

But the above is achievable. Watch for red flags when dating. 

Good luck!


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## Texican

We are nearing to our 37th anniversary.

She was barely 17 and I was 19 when I met her. I wrote the post below about 4 years ago on another forum - I've updated the dates but it is more true today than it was then.

I can recall the first time I saw her clear as day. What she was wearing, how she was sitting, the chair she was in, the look on her face when we first saw each other. That was 39 years, 4 months and 14 days ago.
I was hooked deep from the moment we looked each other in the eye.
Life's a dance and you learn as you go.
I feel sorry for folks who never get to experience growing old together and growing more in love each day.
I do not have the vocabulary or writing skills to express how I feel for her......
I hope you find this love...


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