# Walk away ex wife thoughts ?



## rumple9 (Jan 13, 2012)

Do cheating Walk away ex wives hink about the dumpee, or just block him out of her head, where there is no contact ?

I ask because I still think about my cheating ex every day even 2.5 years after d-day


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Are you in IC?


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## rumple9 (Jan 13, 2012)

What's IC ?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

IC=Individual counseling. 

I get that it sucks. But you shouldn't still be obsessing over your cheating ex-wife. The occasional thought is normal, thinking about her every day is really not. A therapist may help you figure out how to move on a bit so that you aren't still preoccupied with thoughts of her and her betrayal.


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## rumple9 (Jan 13, 2012)

Tried counselling initially thought it was a waste of time and money. 

Anyway my question was will she still think about me ?


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

What would she think? Why? 

I left my ex not quite 2.5 years ago and sure, every few months I might have some passing thought, but certainly nothing worth dwelling on and certainly not every day. No infidelity or other drama in our split, but about the same time frame, it sounds like.

The relationship is over, done and dead. Why give it a second more of my time?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

The point to IC is that you shouldn't be thinking of her or if she's thinking of you. You should be out getting your revenge by enjoying your life. 

Being perfectly honest, I'm the one that cheated in my marriage, and I chose to end the marriage. Not for my affair partner, but net effect was the same. I can go days without thinking of my STBX, and she's likely in my thoughts even that much because she's the mother of my kids, and I need to deal with her on them occasionally. But I've moved on (about 3.5 years separated), and am happy with my life. I suspect she didn't take it as well, mainly because she didn't want the marriage to end. Whereas I was done and ready to let go. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

rumple9 said:


> Do cheating Walk away ex wives hink about the dumpee, or just block him out of her head, where there is no contact ?


Everyone thinks about their ex in some capacity. Unless they have a mind-eraser.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Does it matter if she thinks of you or not?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I would think that it really shouldn't matter to you what she thinks. She's not your future anymore. If I were in that situation, I certainly wouldn't want her thinking about me. She passed and she certainly wouldn't get a second chance.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

rumple9 said:


> Do cheating Walk away ex wives think about the dumpee, or just block him out of her head, where there is no contact?
> 
> I ask because I still think about my cheating ex every day even 2.5 years after d-day


No offense but this kind of screams creeper to me. Most people ask how to stop thinking about their ex. The fact you still care if she thinks about you is a little disturbing. It's obvious, in 2.5 years you haven't made much attempt to break your codependency and move on. Because if you did you wouldn't be asking such a pathetic question.

This is what you need to do:

1) Get a life - sign up for activities, go to sports events, just get out of the house as often as you can
2) Date - Sign up for a dating website or check out your local singles scene. Talk to other women.
3) Lean on family and friends - Start talking and hanging with other people more. Even call up old friends you lost contact with. 

Oh and to answer your original question. No, she doesn't think about you. She could care less about you. She left you for whatever reason. So if you can't help thinking about her, then make yourself so damn busy that you will forget too. You're letting this women live rent free in your head.


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## esrum1 (Oct 3, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> No offense but this kind of screams creeper to me. Most people ask how to stop thinking about their ex. The fact you still care if she thinks about you is a little disturbing. It's obvious, in 2.5 years you haven't made much attempt to break your codependency and move on. Because if you did you wouldn't be asking such a pathetic question.
> 
> This is what you need to do:
> 
> ...



This is spot on.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> No offense but this kind of screams creeper to me. Most people ask how to stop thinking about their ex. The fact you still care if she thinks about you is a little disturbing. It's obvious, in 2.5 years you haven't made much attempt to break your codependency and move on. Because if you did you wouldn't be asking such a pathetic question.
> 
> This is what you need to do:
> 
> ...


Although I agree completely with your steps he needs to take, this came off really harshly IMO. So it was a "pathetic" question? Didn't we all come here for some help and support in the beginning? I asked directly in the beginning for the unfiltered advise and the occasional 2x4 to the head, but I don't think anyone said my questions or emotions were pathetic

Anyway, OP, the steps above are exactly right. That and therapy, ASAP.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I don't think WAW's spend much time thinking about what they left behind. By the time they exit they have been working themselves up to it for some time, maybe even years, many times they are already "involved" in another relationship or at least have an exit plan in place. I think they are so focused on themselves and their future the past is erased before they hit the door.

The person left behind is stuck playing catch up emotionally, you haven't already detached yourself from the union, you don't already have a future plan, you don't have a new partner to help erase those memories. And a lot of times you are left with the financial wreckage caused by the WAW, and then the kids still need raising, the house needs fixing......etc, your daily routine stays the same except minus your partner. 

So the difference is the WAW's focus is forward, all their attention and energy is toward building something new, not what they left behind.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

TheGoodGuy said:


> Although I agree completely with your steps he needs to take, this came off really harshly IMO. So it was a "pathetic" question? Didn't we all come here for some help and support in the beginning? I asked directly in the beginning for the unfiltered advise and the occasional 2x4 to the head, but I don't think anyone said my questions or emotions were pathetic
> 
> Anyway, OP, the steps above are exactly right. That and therapy, ASAP.


Yes, it is a pathetic question. I never said he or his emotions were pathetic but the question absolutely is. Sometimes I ask dumb questions. It doesn't mean I'm a dumb person. I made a very specifc statement. If you want to take it for more than what it is than that's your perrogative.

I offered advice on how to handle the situation same as everyone else. I'm not going to sugar coat it because what this guy needs badly is as you put it a few verbal 2x4's to the head. After 2.5 yrs, we are way past the pleasantries. He needs a reality check quickly because his borderline obsession with his ex is going to eat him alive.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm three years post separation, and yeah I "think about" my ex often, pretty much daily. But I think of a vast amount of things daily. I often wonder if she has any regret or remorse, or feels bad about her choices. But even though I think and wonder, I don't actually care at all and don't expect to ever find out, I'm indifferent. Rumple, you can be indifferent and also permit your mind to think whatever you want it too, when you are indifferent it just won't dwell on unimportant stuff (such as a person who has not been close to you in any way for a number of years, and whom you have no intention or desire to share any kind of emotional intimacy with).

Now if you still find yourself vested in what no longer exists, if you still long for a connection to your ex... well then therapy is probably a good idea.


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## poppyseed (Dec 22, 2013)

Lon said:


> I often wonder if she has any regret or remorse, or feels bad about her choices. But even though I think and wonder, I don't actually care at all and don't expect to ever find out, I'm indifferent.
> 
> Rumple, you can be indifferent and also permit your mind to think whatever you want it too, when you are indifferent it just won't dwell on unimportant stuff (such as a person who has not been close to you in any way for a number of years, and whom you have no intention or desire to share any kind of emotional intimacy with).
> .


Hi

My theory is love never dies particularly if the relationship went on for many years and you were once so close and connected perfectly in so many levels at some point. There's a tendency that many of us do idolise our "perfect" partner (wife, husband) even when he/she wasn't in reality. I think this may belong to neuroscience. It's good to keep some good memories rather than only bad ones to achieve a healthy, balanced perspective. 

Having said that betrayal is something entirely different. It would throw up so many questions even after many years went past post-D if you did not have a proper closure with relevant support or therapy or both.

There was a thread about time it takes us to heal from the trauma from going through emotional battles of the breakup, going through D process / post-D in these different stages of events. I do get to hear that some people / men and women would resort to suicide after D. That's how serious emotional trauma could be. People still wonder what else they could have done to avoid D 9-12 years on even when they are doing well, moved on and are in a stable relationship etc. I guess we all have these odd moments of having these sort of feelings at times.


Take care xxx


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