# Attraction.



## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

Hi, I have been married to the best wife for me for 12 yrs and have a 9 yr old son. When we met and were dating I was attracted to her character etc except not really physically attracted. I felt I should marry her because didn't think attraction didn't have to really be there but was atracted to her face ...very beautiful face. After marrying, sex life has sucked because I just don't desire her body and so I never want it but she always does. I have tried but am contemplating leaving her. Is this a legit reason to leave her? I don't feel it's fair for her to be with a man that doesn't want sex. I love her in all the other ways though and other that the physical lack of attraction she is perfect for me. She always loses weight for a few months then gains back more. What is your advise any suggestions? Should I leave? Or stick with it and how? I don't want to leave just because of that but don't know what to do. The reason I am not physically attracted to her is because she ways 40lbs more than me and the fat is in the wrong places. I know I could get a physically attractive person for me but the other things I like about her I won't have luck finding. I love her.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

Was she overweight when you married her? 
Do you watch a lot of porn and take care of yourself since you are not having sex with her?
Does she know how you feel and that you her weight is what is keeping you from having sex with her? 
Are you sure her weight is the ONLY thing keeping you from being attracted to her and having sex with her?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ellsworth2375 said:


> Hi, I have been married to the best wife for me for 12 yrs and have a 9 yr old son. When we met and were dating I was attracted to her character etc except not really physically attracted. I felt I should marry her because didn't think attraction didn't have to really be there but was atracted to her face ...very beautiful face. After marrying, sex life has sucked because I just don't desire her body and so I never want it but she always does. I have tried but am contemplating leaving her. Is this a legit reason to leave her? I don't feel it's fair for her to be with a man that doesn't want sex. I love her in all the other ways though and other that the physical lack of attraction she is perfect for me. She always loses weight for a few months then gains back more. What is your advise any suggestions? Should I leave? Or stick with it and how? I don't want to leave just because of that but don't know what to do. The reason I am not physically attracted to her is because she ways 40lbs more than me and the fat is in the wrong places. I know I could get a physically attractive person for me but the other things I like about her I won't have luck finding. I love her.
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


I am a big character is the most important thing guy her but if you are not attracted to her at all then that is not fair to her or you.


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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

Yes no yes and yes

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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

mary35 said:


> Was she overweight when you married her?
> Do you watch a lot of porn and take care of yourself since you are not having sex with her?
> Does she know how you feel and that you her weight is what is keeping you from having sex with her?
> Are you sure her weight is the ONLY thing keeping you from being attracted to her and having sex with her?


Yes no yes and yes

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What is the name of the coworker you are attracted to? First letter only.


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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> What is the name of the coworker you are attracted to? First letter only.


Huh?

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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

Do her a favor and leave. Let her be happy and be with someone who desires her in every way. Be a man and don't waste her time.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

You are missing the rich heart of a best wife... her love is valued.

If only you could see what you are looking past.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

ellsworth2375 said:


> Huh?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Typically, the reason a person complains that they are no longer attracted to a spouse, who hasn't changed throughout the marriage, is that their eye has wandered. They are subconsciously comparing their spouse to someone else, someone who's caught their interest. They start to feel like they can do better than what they have waiting at home. 

So....is there another woman that's, caught your fancy? 

You mentioned being able to attract better looking women. Do you get hit on often? What do you do in those situations?

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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

ellsworth2375 said:


> Hi, I have been married to the best wife for me for 12 yrs and have a 9 yr old son. When we met and were dating I was attracted to her character etc except not really physically attracted. I felt I should marry her because didn't think attraction didn't have to really be there but was atracted to her face ...very beautiful face. After marrying, sex life has sucked because I just don't desire her body and so I never want it but she always does. I have tried but am contemplating leaving her. Is this a legit reason to leave her? I don't feel it's fair for her to be with a man that doesn't want sex. I love her in all the other ways though and other that the physical lack of attraction she is perfect for me. She always loses weight for a few months then gains back more. What is your advise any suggestions? Should I leave? Or stick with it and how? I don't want to leave just because of that but don't know what to do. The reason I am not physically attracted to her is because she ways 40lbs more than me and the fat is in the wrong places. I know I could get a physically attractive person for me but the other things I like about her I won't have luck finding. I love her.
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Reverse the genders, and this is my first marriage.

Ex wife started dating, and eventually married me, because I treated her well and was 'different' than her usual type, which she had no luck with. She, too, thought I was good looking (face), but no attraction to the rest of me, physically. She had a 'type', and I wasn't it, but as I said, it didn't matter at first because I was good to her.

In the beginning, this was enough, and sex was good. She was sexually attracted to me because of all of the other reasons. Then, as marriages tend to go, she got complacent about the things that attracted me to her in the first place. The further she got away from her bad experiences with her 'type', the more she realized it was important, I guess.

Then, as @Lila mentioned, her eye started to wander, and the comparisons began, and I was doomed. There is no coming back from that, IMO. Once someone decides that something is important, and you don't have it (or can't get it), it'll always be an issue. (my ex wife had a thing for lean/fit guys 6' +, and had never dated anybody under that. I'm 5'7" and average). There was nothing I could do about the height, obviously, so she spent a few years laying into me about getting fit. I did try running, but it wasn't for me, and I thought I already was pretty fit (though in an average way). And it wouldn't have mattered - if I got fit and toned, she would have become complacent about that in a few years, and the height thing would have been the issue.

In other words, I am what I am, and barring anything major (extreme weight loss or gain, for example) it's simply a case of them realizing they aren't attracted to you and trying to mold you into what they believe would be attractive to them. If it's not one thing, it'll be another.


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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

Lila said:


> Typically, the reason a person complains that they are no longer attracted to a spouse, who hasn't changed throughout the marriage, is that their eye has wandered. They are subconsciously comparing their spouse to someone else, someone who's caught their interest. They start to feel like they can do better than what they have waiting at home.
> 
> So....is there another woman that's, caught your fancy?
> 
> ...


No, it's just hard having sex with her because of her 245lbs body.

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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

ellsworth2375 said:


> No, it's just hard having sex with her because of her 245lbs body.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Was she weighing 245 when you married? 

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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

Lila said:


> Was she weighing 245 when you married?
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


No, but still overweight but it wasn't much of a problem then.

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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

ellsworth2375 said:


> No, but still overweight but it wasn't much of a problem then.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Do you think your attraction for her return if she got back to the weight she was back then? 

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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

Lila said:


> Do you think your attraction for her return if she got back to the weight she was back then?
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


Yes, because sge lost weight off and on when we are married and I was attracted to her .

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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

ellsworth2375 said:


> Yes, because sge lost weight off and on when we are married and I was attracted to her .
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Does she know this? Have you explicitly told her this? 

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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

Lila said:


> Does she know this? Have you explicitly told her this?
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


I think so. I told her I like her losing weight for her health.

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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

245 lb is seriously over weight. She must know that this is in part the reason you won't have sex with her and aren't attracted to her.

Have you two talked about this?


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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> 245 lb is seriously over weight. She must know that this is in part the reason you won't have sex with her and aren't attracted to her.
> 
> Have you two talked about this?


In a way yes. But not to much. 

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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

ellsworth2375 said:


> I think so. I told her I like her losing weight for her health.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


I think you need to be completely honest with her. I mean, sure you'd like for her to get healthy but let's get real. You want her to lose the weight because you're not attracted to her.

You need to tell her that you do not find her physically attractive at her current weight. Tell her that you want her to lose weight so that you can regain that attraction. See what she says, does. 

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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

Lila said:


> I think you need to be completely honest with her. I mean, sure you'd like for her to get healthy but let's get real. You want her to lose the weight because you're not attracted to her.
> 
> You need to tell her that you do not find her physically attractive at her current weight. Tell her that you want her to lose weight so that you can regain that attraction. See what she says, does.
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


What if she gets upset and sad at me?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

You need to tell her how you feel about her weight, it is unfair to just leave a great woman without letting her know the reason. Telling her would give her a chance to fix it.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

ellsworth2375 said:


> What if she gets upset and sad at me?
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


That's the risk you take. 

You're already thinking about leaving her because of her weight. Do you think that's going to make her more or less upset and sad than telling her you don't find get attractive? 

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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

To quote Adriana Lima (that gorgeous super model):

"It's flattering to know men desire me, but then I remind myself they'd have sex with a McChicken so I don't let it go to my head."

I never thought men held attraction in SUCH a high regard that sex is out of the question? This is new news to me! I honestly believed men will stick it in just about anything. I've been enlightened, lol.

Listen, you have a woman who WANTS you. If you try and trade her "up" you may end up with a female with a tighter body, but odds are she isn't going to want you the way your wife does. Are you sure you're not looking for an out of sorts? An excuse to mess around and are blaming her weight? A lot of overweight women are ashamed of their bodies and don't want sex. Hell, even thin women can be ridden with insecurity and here you are with a wife that wants you... First world problems, for sure.

That being said, it doesn't matter if she was 245 pounds when you married her or 145: If your attraction has changed your attraction has changed. You are allowed to change your mind. Even if her weight stayed relatively the same and your attraction changed it's OK. It sucks that this change affects you and your wife, but I don't think you should be looked down on for it. I'm a big believer in attraction. It's IMPORTANT. Very important.

This is goign to be hard, but you need to have a conversation with your wife. This conversation is going to suck and you can expect the silent treatment and cryign afterwards, but this is your wife and deserves to know how you feel even if it is at her expense. Maybe she was make an effort to be more aesthetically pleasing to you. Maybe she'll tell you get GTFO and she's happy with her body and herself. You won't know until you have this conversation.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

ellsworth2375 said:


> Yes, because sge lost weight off and on when we are married and I was attracted to her .
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk




You originally posted that when dating you were not really physically attracted to her.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

ellsworth2375 said:


> What if she gets upset and sad at me?
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk




And she will.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

Lila said:


> I think you need to be completely honest with her. I mean, sure you'd like for her to get healthy but let's get real. You want her to lose the weight because you're not attracted to her.
> 
> You need to tell her that you do not find her physically attractive at her current weight. Tell her that you want her to lose weight so that you can regain that attraction. See what she says, does.





ellsworth2375 said:


> What if she gets upset and sad at me?


Well as a husband that has a wife that has become obese and to which I have lost attraction, I can sympathize. However, my wife does not have much of a sex drive, so it's not exactly the same. I recently told her that I am not physically attracted to her because of her weight gain. She suspected this since I had lost my erection during sex a few times recently. For a man, we are biologically programmed to be aroused visually and physical attraction is critically important. However, telling her the truth made her mad and very sad, which just made her eat more to cope. In the end, I regret ever telling her. She knew it was a problem and me coming out and telling her just made things worse. But, maybe for someone that wants sex, like your wife, maybe it will be the difference that motivates her to change. 

Ultimately, I guess, you should come out and tell her directly, but only as the last resort. IMO


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

You promised a lot of things when you married her... for all the reasons we decide a relationship is harmful like abuse or infidelity, and as such is too damaging or much work, this does not seem to fall into that category.

Be careful you do not choose to fall into these as well... misplaced desire is a merciless master.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Lila said:


> I think you need to be completely honest with her. I mean, sure you'd like for her to get healthy but let's get real. You want her to lose the weight because you're not attracted to her.
> 
> You need to tell her that you do not find her physically attractive at her current weight. Tell her that you want her to lose weight so that you can regain that attraction. See what she says, does.
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


Totally agree. You should always be able to be honest with your wife and communicate about your wants/needs. 



ellsworth2375 said:


> What if she gets upset and sad at me?
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Be prepared to try to lead a calm/rational discussion and absolutely don't attack her. She already knows she's fat and unattractive to you, so it won't be a surprise (although she'll be unhappy that you actually say it to her). Just approach it as an issue in your marriage that you both want to work through to strengthen your relationship. I'm going to give you a personal example that happened years ago. Back when I was married my wife briefly lost some of her interest in sex and it became infrequent (1X/week) and very vanilla. So after the kids were in bed one night I spoke with her about it and said that we were at a cross road in our relationship and I noticed a problem and wanted to address it early before hurt feelings and resentment developed. Then I discussed the issues and potential outcomes with her and let her choose what she wanted to do. She didn't like it but I'm sure she respected that I was able to talk directly and openly with her in a non-accusatory manor, and that quickly fixed the problem.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You married her under false pretenses. At least leave with honesty.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Sorry, I don't think leaving someone just because you aren't attracted to them anymore is legitimate. She was overweight when you married her so it's not like she changed something while you were married. I think you should try to help her lose weight if it's that important to you.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Marriage isn't a life death sentence. It's a legal agreement to make going through life easier (health, taxes, benefits, credit, etc). Just a business transaction. If you aren't happy, let her know and try to fix it. If you can't fix it, move on and you'll both be happier with someone else.

You got one life, don't waste it behing in an unhappy relationship. I wasted 8 years of my life but so glad I got out while I was "young". Some of the posters on here have been in unahappy/sexless marriages for 20+ years. Screw that!!


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

jb02157 said:


> Sorry, I don't think leaving someone just because you aren't attracted to them anymore is legitimate. She was overweight when you married her so it's not like she changed something while you were married. I think you should try to help her lose weight if it's that important to you.


This is a really hard situation. I can relate to what you are feeling - all except I would not leave my husband over it. At least not at this point in our lives (I am in my late 50's). But if I were younger - I might consider it. I am married to a fantastic guy - but his weight is also affecting my sexual attraction to him. We have had several conversations, he loses some weight, then puts it back on plus more. 

Being overweight is something that can be changed IF she is self-motivated to do so. But she is just not overweight - she is obese. Loosing that much weight is hard and she is probably going to need some professional help to lose the weight in a healthy way. 

Because this is such a sensitive problem for most people - and are likely to feel hurt and upset when the topic comes up, I suggest you find a marriage counselor to help you discuss you feelings and issues with her so that it can be presented in a way that she understands how deeply this problem is affecting you and your marriage. Perhaps - knowing how deeply this bothers you - so much so that you would even consider ending the marriage because of it might be the motivation starter she needs.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ellsworth2375 said:


> What if she gets upset and sad at me?
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk



Better than cheating or just leaving one day. Your wife is morbidly obese unless she is 6' 10", you are not being unreasonable.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Its a terrible mistake to marry someone when you are not attracted to them. Having made that mistake, its not clear it is doing anyone any favors to stay in a marriage where someone is not attracted to their spouse. 




jb02157 said:


> Sorry, I don't think leaving someone just because you aren't attracted to them anymore is legitimate. She was overweight when you married her so it's not like she changed something while you were married. I think you should try to help her lose weight if it's that important to you.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

...


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

Careful, she might lose weight, but be resentful of you about it....then start looking really good and then cheat on you....catch 22....counseling might help here.....

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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

CantBelieveThis said:


> Careful, she might lose weight, but be resentful of you about it....then start looking really good and then realize that there is *attractive love without physical judgement* ....catch 22....counseling might help here.....
> 
> Sent from my SM-T700 using Tapatalk


Thought I'd adjust that, a best wife would never do that.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

ellsworth2375 said:


> Hi, I have been married to the best wife for me for 12 yrs and have a 9 yr old son. When we met and were dating I was attracted to her character etc except not really physically attracted. I felt I should marry her because didn't think attraction didn't have to really be there but was atracted to her face ...very beautiful face. After marrying, sex life has sucked because I just don't desire her body and so I never want it but she always does. I have tried but am contemplating leaving her. Is this a legit reason to leave her? I don't feel it's fair for her to be with a man that doesn't want sex. I love her in all the other ways though and other that the physical lack of attraction she is perfect for me. She always loses weight for a few months then gains back more. What is your advise any suggestions? Should I leave? Or stick with it and how? I don't want to leave just because of that but don't know what to do. The reason I am not physically attracted to her is because she ways 40lbs more than me and the fat is in the wrong places. I know I could get a physically attractive person for me but the other things I like about her I won't have luck finding. I love her.
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Dear god man you're so wishy washy

* I felt I should marry her because didn't think attraction didn't have to really be there but was atracted*sic* to her face *

I assumed you talked, laughed, had things in common, so you proposed because she had a beautiful face? Why isn't the beautiful face enough now, if you weren't attracted to her then how did you sleep with her before marriage? If you were that unattractive then there's no way you would have signed up to the rest of your life putting up that, so something doesn't smell right here.
*
The reason I am not physically attracted to her is because she ways 40lbs more than me and the fat is in the wrong places.*

Was she fat before you married? Because you weren't attracted to her then..but you still married her

Dude you're a mess. If she's lucky you'll divorce her, I'm sure lots of guy would love to show her a great time and give her the attention she needs.


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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

Lila said:


> Typically, the reason a person complains that they are no longer attracted to a spouse, who hasn't changed throughout the marriage, is that their eye has wandered. They are subconsciously comparing their spouse to someone else, someone who's caught their interest. They start to feel like they can do better than what they have waiting at home.
> 
> So....is there another woman that's, caught your fancy?
> 
> ...


Mo

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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

sokillme said:


> I am a big character is the most important thing guy her but if you are not attracted to her at all then that is not fair to her or you.


Some say I should tell her. Should I, worried she might leave me.

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Found it.


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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

Thanks...new on here 

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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

If your now wife was already big when you married her, then it's no surprise that after a baby and having unfulfilled desires for her husband that she would indeed gain weight and not the other way around.

She probably finds some kind of comfort in food. She is not fulfilled sexually if she always wants you and you don't. She can lose weight, but not without professional help. Being overweight before children only compounds her problem once our bodies go through motherhood. Add to that that she is probably on birth control. More hormones and chemicals that only alter the female metabolism even further. 

How old are you? 

How have you changed in these 12 years?

Do you still have all of your hair? Do you have a pot belly or a belly with somewhat of a bulge (for lack of a better word) or do you carry a six pack on ya?

Most men go through some physical changes as well; it's just that their changes are not as drastic as females once motherhood hits us. Most males start feeling true changes at midlife and hence why many experience some sort of crisis when these changes start unconsciously showing them that time is doing to it does to all of us. Women experience this much earlier than men and their changes come with a beautiful prize and that is why we don't mind it as much.

I maintained my weight after my first baby, but boy did my second pregnancy play a sad number on my body and on my weight as well. It was very hard to lose the weight after my second. It was hard keeping weight off due to birth control as well. 

When my X left me, he threw out the fat card at me. I was only 20 pounds over weight after two kids and 21 years of marriage. Funny thing is that my weight was never an issue for him. I worried after my first baby because I got a c-section that left an unattractive scar and stretch marks on my belly looked awful. My pretty belly was gone after motherhood. I lost the weight fast, but the scar and the stretch marks were very unattractive and were there never to leave. He would kiss my belly and tell me that I had given him a beautiful baby girl and that he loved me even more than ever. I felt beautiful and loved for 20 of those 21 years.

The comparing me is really what the problem was and not the 20 extra pounds I picked up over the years. He was dating a 27 year old and I was 38. That was the real problem...his wandering eye and pennis as well.


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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

Bibi1031 said:


> If your now wife was already big when you married her, then it's no surprise that after a baby and having unfulfilled desires for her husband that she would indeed gain weight and not the other way around.
> 
> She probably finds some kind of comfort in food. She is not fulfilled sexually if she always wants you and you don't. She can lose weight, but not without professional help. Being overweight before children only compounds her problem once our bodies go through motherhood. Add to that that she is probably on birth control. More hormones and chemicals that only alter the female metabolism even further.
> 
> ...


I just wanted to know if I should tell her how i feel? 
Also, she was not as overweight when we met but was overwieght. 
She isnt on birth control. I had a vasectomy 

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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

ellsworth2375 said:


> I just wanted to know if I should tell her how i feel?
> Also, she was not as overweight when we met but was overwieght.
> She isnt on birth control. I had a vasectomy
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


I understand your fears about letting her know how you feel. You love her still. You are just not attracted to her physically.

Birth control affects many women's weight. Some lose weight (like one of my sisters, and most of us gain weight like me and my 2 other sisters. I was thinking along the lines of birth control before motherhood or marriage and that could account for the "bigger" girl that she was. It's a good thing that she doesn't have to be on birth control now. Those extra hormones cause havoc on women both physically and emotionally at times.

If she is 40 pounds heavier than you, does that mean that you are somewhat "big" too? Are you bigger than when you two married or are you now slimmer than before? How have you changed physically after 12 years?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

ellsworth2375 said:


> I just wanted to know if I should tell her how i feel?
> Also, she was not as overweight when we met but was overwieght.
> She isnt on birth control. I had a vasectomy
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk



OK, just so people know where you are coming from this is a 250 pound female:










So if she is on top of you during sex and leans down for a passionate kiss, instead of a romantic experience, the guy on the bottom will get the breath squeezed out of him along with a small throw up burp of whatever he ate an hour ago. 

If he is on top during sex penetration is awkward unless she is able to put her knees/ankles up as high as they can go, which will likely start to hurt after more than a few minutes.

Do these things lend themselves to feeling sexual attraction? No, not really.

Can you do other things? Yes! Try using a vibrator to help and/or manual stimulation during cuddling. Do you tell her some parts of sex make you uncomfortable? Yes! But include that with a conversation about finding other ways to enjoy sex and working together to loose weight. 

Hope that helps,
Badsanta


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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

badsanta said:


> OK, just so people know where you are coming from this is a 250 pound female:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


She is overwieght but better looking than that pic lol and can lift her legs up. What vibrator...for her or me?

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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You both should preeminently be serious candidates for MC!

But since you say that there's no longer anything there to keep you with her, please do the honorable thing and just let her go, so that the right man can come along and truly love her for the woman that she is!*


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

ellsworth2375 said:


> *She is overwieght but better looking than that pic lol* and can lift her legs up. *What vibrator...for her or me?*
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


LOL? And you don't even know who the vibrator is for.....

I think the woman in the photo is attractive, but her weight is going to cause limitations in the bedroom with regards to intimacy. Her weight is also a serious health concern in the event she also has high blood sugar and blood pressure. Nothing there to lol about in my opinion. You have to learn to accept someone just for who they are, and sometimes that does include helping them take care of themselves and making healthy decisions together.

As for a vibrator, shop for one together. The reviews will usually explain what the devices can do for your prostate, or if they are meant for her to experience multiple orgasms with combined stimulation of her g-spot and clit. If anything is still not obvious when you are shopping, most websites and stores will allow you to ask questions before making a purchase. Just don't ask for a demonstration in a store other than being allowed to touch the device with a finger while powered up to see how strong the sensations will be. 

Badsanta


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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *You both should preeminently be serious candidates for MC!
> 
> But since you say that there's no longer anything there to keep you with her, please do the honorable thing and just let her go, so that the right man can come along and truly love her for the woman that she is!*


But i have a kid

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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

badsanta said:


> LOL? And you don't even know who the vibrator is for.....
> 
> I think the woman in the photo is attractive, but her weight is going to cause limitations in the bedroom with regards to intimacy. Her weight is also a serious health concern in the event she also has high blood sugar and blood pressure. Nothing there to lol about in my opinion. You have to learn to accept someone just for who they are, and sometimes that does include helping them take care of themselves and making healthy decisions together.
> 
> ...


Ok lol
But I want to show me example...would be fun jk

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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

I kniw what they are for for women

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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ellsworth2375 said:


> *But I have a kid.*
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


*Does your child really deserve to see two distant and unloving parents cohabitation sink into the abyss or are you just primarily afraid of having to pay out child support?

Whether you stay or go, there is preeminently a price needing to be paid! 

Like it or not, there is no "free lunch" to be had here!*


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ellsworth2375 said:


> Some say I should tell her. Should I, worried she might leave me.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Personally I would tell her like this. Wife first of all I am really worried about your health, about our future together with all the things that come from you being very overweight. Eventually your body is going to break down, there are so many things that I and our children look forward to do with you and I am worried that you will not be able to do it, or worst case, we will be left without you because if you continue down this path you may die. Think about how it is not just you who you are hurting but it's also me, and our children?

I love you, I don't want to hurt you. I know this is going to be the biggest fight in your life and I will be there all the way. Finally I know this is going to be a very hard thing for you to hear but I don't understand why my attraction to you is not important TO YOU. I will always love you, but it seems like my desire for you is not a priority for you, why is that? Is there something wrong in our relationship that that doesn't matter to you? 

There now you haven't told her she is bad person or even that you are not attracted to her, you said it in a way that make your relationship and your kids a motive. She is going to be crushed though. So get ready.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@ellsworth2375,

Are you yourself a healthy and fit person? 

Do you work out regularly? 

Do you eat healthy and/or watch what you eat? 

If not, maybe you need to show her, by example, what a healthy lifestyle looks like? Take the lead in the kitchen, prepaing meals that are lower calorie. Take the lead at the gym, preparing her workouts. Make both a fun experience where you spend quality time with each other. 

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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Personally I would tell her like this. Wife first of all I am really worried about your health, about our future together with all the things that come from you being very overweight. Eventually your body is going to break down, there are so many things that I and our children look forward to do with you and I am worried that you will not be able to do it, or worst case, we will be left without you because if you continue down this path you may die. Think about how it is not just you who you are hurting but it's also me, and our children?
> 
> I love you, I don't want to hurt you. I know this is going to be the biggest fight in your life and I will be there all the way. Finally I know this is going to be a very hard thing for you to hear but I don't understand why my attraction to you is not important TO YOU. I will always love you, but it seems like my desire for you is not a priority for you, why is that? Is there something wrong in our relationship that that doesn't matter to you?
> 
> There now you haven't told her she is bad person or even that you are not attracted to her, you said it in a way that make your relationship and your kids a motive. She is going to be crushed though. So get ready.


Thanks...I spoke with her last night and it went very well. We agreed that I support her and we are both going to eat ealthier and she is going back on a program through kaiser health, and we are going to walk together. She admitted it was hard for her as eating to her is like my problem was with alcohol. I was oddicted to alcohol for 20 yrs and now 3 years sober. That is inspiring her to because it can be done.

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

So a major problem has been her having to live with an alcoholic for 9 years.


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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> So a major problem has been her having to live with an alcoholic for 9 years.


Yes but niw i dont drink and everything is vetter and she trusts me

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

ellsworth2375 said:


> Yes but niw i dont drink and everything is vetter and she trusts me
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk




But you damaged the relationship for nine years. 

You won't accept it but that contributed to her weight gain. 

Are you a dry drunk?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Well this is good news, you guys are teammates you can both tackle these problems together and it will actually make you closer in doing so.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

Your values are all f*cked up if you base your attraction on a bit of weight.

I am 39 and fat. My last bf was 25, cute and thin. The one before him (LT) was 28, hot as f*ck and highly educated.

That being said, it was mind blowing sex and personality that brought them both to me. 

Pull your head out of your ass and appreciate what you have. 


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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Well this is good news, you guys are teammates you can both tackle these problems together and it will actually make you closer in doing so.


3vyrs sober

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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> But you damaged the relationship for nine years.
> 
> You won't accept it but that contributed to her weight gain.
> 
> Are you a dry drunk?


3 yrs sober....she still gains wait and says she has the problem like i did with alcohol and had it b4 she met me.
So i disagree

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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

xMadame said:


> Your values are all f*cked up if you base your attraction on a bit of weight.
> 
> I am 39 and fat. My last bf was 25, cute and thin. The one before him (LT) was 28, hot as f*ck and highly educated.
> 
> ...


Well **** u to

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## 269130 (Dec 14, 2016)

xMadame said:


> Your values are all f*cked up if you base your attraction on a bit of weight.
> 
> I am 39 and fat. My last bf was 25, cute and thin. The one before him (LT) was 28, hot as f*ck and highly educated.
> 
> ...


**** off

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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

ellsworth2375 said:


> 3vyrs sober


lol


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

ellsworth2375 said:


> 3 yrs sober....she still gains wait and says she has the problem like i did with alcohol and had it b4 she met me.
> So i disagree
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk




At one point my wife was 120 lbs heavier than when we dated, and 100 lbs more than me. And she battled depression. 

So i am very familiar with your situation 


You can disagree but this is much more of a systemic problem than you realize. 

You need to address the underlying issues of why she is gaining weight.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

You need to go to counseling OP. 

3 years sober is very good and congratulations are in order. 

Your wife has a serious problem with food. It replaces things she is missing in her life. Until you and her seek professional help, no amount of tries will take the weight off.

She will lose weight and then gain it later and then some. It's a vicious cycle and professional help may have to be a permanent thing for her, like alcohol will always be a problem for you.

I hope you two resolve this! You have a child that will always want mom and dad together and happy.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

ellsworth2375 said:


> **** off
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk




Thank you 


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## GrannyMildew (Aug 15, 2013)

Lostme said:


> You need to tell her how you feel about her weight, it is unfair to just leave a great woman without letting her know the reason. Telling her would give her a chance to fix it.



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