# Ladies, do you help make financial decisions or does your man just do this?



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Ladies, I am looking for a glimpse into you roles in a home. Do you help with budgeting, decision making, etc? Or does you man handle all of this?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

bobsmith said:


> Ladies, I am looking for a glimpse into you roles in a home. Do you help with budgeting, decision making, etc? Or does you man handle all of this?


I was married for 16 years. I took care of all of the financial stuff. He was a very intelligent man, but I excelled at this stuff---- more than him so he was glad to have me take care of it all.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

bobsmith said:


> Do you help with budgeting, decision making, etc? Or does you man handle all of this?


Seriously? Who the hell is living in the 21st century as a couple where the man and woman don't share in making decisions? HUH????


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## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

My ex made all the decisions. Notice the ex part. Decision making should be equal doesn't matter if one makes 10k a year and the other makes 100k.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I handled all the finances but got with him monthly to go over everything and to show him where we were at, we made big financial decisions as a team.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

musiclover said:


> My ex made all the decisions. Notice the ex part. Decision making should be equal doesn't matter if one makes 10k a year and the other makes 100k.


This. In my first marriage I made all the money and all of the decisions. I didn’t want it that way. Second marriage I make the majority of the money and pay the majority of the bills, but my H and I make decisions together.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Wife insisted on managing the day to day bill for 20yrs. Then i found out she had hidden debt! She was relieved of all finiancial decisions put on a strick budget to pay all her dabt back herself! Had to go back to work and her whole pay went to pay her debt back !

I will never co mingle my money with anybody ever again. 

I will manage the money I make period! If she or anybody don't like it the theres the door!

We now split the bills proportionally. And she give me her share because i don't and will ever trust her again with finances. 

Once burned twice learned!

She would often brag about how good she was with money....pfttt. what a joke after I took over iur finances improved tremendously. 

Extra money at the end of the month and debt free!

I think shes relieved not having the stress of dealing with the bills.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

He makes most of the financial decisions.. We have been married for 18 years and he still calls it 'his money' and I help spend it. I did have a 401B before I met him and rolled it over to an IRA so he couldn't touch it until retirement. I also started a 529 plan for kids college funds-- this is still in my name and it really irritates him that he has no control of that.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I was blessed with a fiscally prudent wife who took accounting in college and is much more detail oriented than am I about our finances. She does almost all of it, although I have been taking a more active role in rebalancing our retirement accounts lately as we get closer to that glorious day. 

If I were to tell her that all of the financial decisions were mine to make, I would probably get my way - with my half of the distributed assets.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

My wife handles very little of our finances. I pay the bills (although almost all are automated). I make the investments. I set the budgets. I pay the taxes. I keep Quicken up-to-date. The few things she does financially are to keep up with the kid's school and activity costs and to pay the people that work at the house - landscapers, repair people, etc.

This isn't because of any controlling nature of mine. I'd be perfectly happy and have tried sharing some of these responsibilities with her in the past. I think that, because she went through a period of poverty in her late teens / early twenties, money makes her nervous and she doesn't like dealing with it. She just wants me to make sure that we have enough money so she doesn't have to worry about it. 

That's fine for now, but I do get nervous about what will happen if I die. I have a friend at work that has the master password to our password safe and has a rough understanding of our financial picture and my financial philosophy. She's ready to step in and help my wife. I have several other friends that my wife also trusts that can hep as advisers. My main advice to her is that, if she ever remarries, she should never be this trusting of another person with her finances again. Our kids are also getting close to the age where they can help provide oversight.

One thing I do every year is to prepare an overall financial statement that I review with her. I show her where we are with our liquid assets, our retirement savings, and our college savings. I used to also include our mortgage, but she wanted that paid off, so I did that. It hardly seems worth the bother because I can tell when I'm reviewing this stuff that she isn't at all interested in any of the details. She really just wants to know if everything is going well and when I think I can retire.

I don't want to give the impression that she doesn't handle money well. She's very frugal. She does most of the repair work around the house, including things like replacing toilets, fence repair, etc. To be frank, she spends less than I would like. We were relatively poor when we got married. Through good fortune, hard work, and living well below our means, we've managed to build a substantial nest egg and don't have any financial worries anymore. I think that knowing she has a lot of money makes her less stressed, but she still tries to avoid spending much.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Odo is more knowledgeable about finance than me (has an MBA and has had prior financial management jobs).
As an auditor, I am more detailed when it comes to documentation/record keeping (he throws everything away unless it's for taxes).

Between the two of us, we each take responsibility for our overall financial health and responsibilities.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I've been managing my own finances (with the help of a financial consultant) since I was 14, and running my own household since I moved out at 17. During my marriage, my husband and I tracked our finances separately, but I was still in charge of making sure the bills were paid from our joint accounts and that the retirement and college accounts were being funded. As it turned out, I was really the only one trying to make joint financial decisions. My then-husband was...not good with finances. Despite a rather generous combined income, thanks to his spending habits, we seemed to continually teeter on the edge of severe debt.

Since my divorce, I've returned to solo financial management, with great success. And I made sure that my SO was not just financially sound, but also financially responsible, before our relationship got too far. I won't make the mistake again of being in a relationship with a man who can't manage money or spends impulsively and uncontrollably. 

And, yes, I would insist on making joint financial decisions should I ever remarry. Not for every cent, or to any unreasonable degree. But I think it's always a bad decision to allow someone else total control over your money and business dealings. I would never consent to being ignorant of my family's financial situation, or to not having an equal say in how the family's finances were being allocated. And I do think major purchases should be joint decisions.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I handle the finances and DH is happy to let me do it. Since we're on a budget purchases are discussed beforehand.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> Ladies, I am looking for a glimpse into you roles in a home. Do you help with budgeting, decision making, etc? Or does you man handle all of this?




- Only speaking as a hubby but I do the finances, paying all bills early, investments go through, shredding all papers and I've budget what our monthly incomes will cover.


- Mrs.CuddleBug knows everything I do, has access to all accounts (joint spousal), credit cards and credit line and vise versa.


- No secrets.


- As far as decision making, I always take the initiative were as Mrs.CuddleBug talks about it and nothing gets done. So I lead and she assists.


- She has complete say in color, design, etc.


- We recently bought a complete high end bedroom set, replaced everything and she had say in color and design and I added functionality. She loves it.


- When I upgrade something, I get it done yesterday and then one day she notices and says, we didn't need this or that but one month later......I love this or that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I always dealt with the money from when I first married at age 19. All of the money was joint, as it is in my second marriage. 
I sort most of the financial stuff in this marriage also, as its something I am good at. We talk about it if we need anything specific, but we don't need to ask each other before we buy every little thing. Larger things yes of course.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I handle all the finances at home. Currently my W is a SAHM, but even when she was working full time i handled, paid all bills, determined how much we each had individually to spend as we saw fit, etc... Investing / Finances / accounting / auditing etc... are all my strengths so it just made sense for me to assume these responsibilities.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

We discuss financial issues together, have a joint account for bills and contribute equitably to outgoings.

Big stuff like buying or building property is a joint decision. Deciding on and paying for holidays and travel is a joint decision. Other items such as cars, furniture etc we discuss from the POV of getting the others opinion on the item but as long as we can afford it we just buy what we want and don't need the others permission. 

We are both financially intelligent and responsible.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I have the finance and investment background from my education and work experience, so I do most of the research, planning, and trading. She has experience running a business. We make all our decisions jointly, and tackle financial tasks together: taxes, budgeting, spending analysis, and future planning. We have skills and perspectives that complement each other.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Hubby works, I stay home. Small purchases - if I see a dress I like or he sees something he likes, we just buy it. Anything big, we discuss. Everything is joint. We're married, it's how it should be in OUR opinion - not saying everyone should do it.

I pay the bills, do the shopping etc.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

I handle most of it. Comes naturally to me. Especially finances. I also keep up with all the car maintenance since I used to be a service advisor. 

My guy sticks the oil tank and gets oil delivered. That's "his thing" in my head. I CAN do it- just don't want to since he handles it.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I am happy to say that we do things 50/50. We divide the duties according to individual strengths. We dump both of our pay into one account, everything is joint. She does the investing as she has a flair for it, and does quite well, I tend to overanalyse, and ultimately spin my wheels. Large investments are a joint decision. I handle the credit cards, as I take insane joy in questioning anything and everything on my statement. AmEx absolutely hates me. (Especially after I questioned whether it was economically sound for my firm to accept their card.)


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> We didn't share a bank account until we were married 7 years.
> 
> I have to do all the piddly stuff [pay bills on time]. I started handling it when I found unpaid bills sitting in his drawer past due by a few days.
> 
> ...


Anecdotal:

MrH V1, he refused to discuss financial things, we did however build a great property portfolio and work very hard together to renovate and sell houses. Sex was a major problem.

MrH V2 and I discuss all aspects of finances. Sex life is amazing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In early marriage with my ex-wife I used to take care of all the finances, she was more focused on our baby girl. As time went by, her extravagant spending drove me completely nuts! So... I found an unorthodox solution, I let her manage our finances. Problem solved. Ironic really.


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## Chippie (Jun 23, 2016)

We are both accountants and work in our own business. I handle all of the day to day bill paying and for the most part, if I want something and we can afford it, (say, under $200), I will buy it without consulting my husband. He tends to ask me about buying anything which is a bit annoying - I would rather he feel free to buy himself small things as he wants/needs.

I do our business accounts and keep an eye on the budget - it stresses him out to pay the bills and see the bank balance go down, it stresses me out to have unpaid bills. It is working much better since the finances were headed over to me. I have learnt over the years though how to manage the finances better, we made some very bad financial decisions in the past and the results of those still linger.

Large ticket items we will consult on. I did tell him recently that we should stop buying stuff for the sake of it and replacing things with newer, shiny things just because we want them and we have agreed to that.

We don't have a joint account. I have access to all of his accounts because he has been unfaithful in the past (years ago), but he has no access to my personal account.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

notmyrealname4 said:


> We're terrible at it together. I've always wondered if there was a correlation between being good at money together and being good at sex together. Just a thought.


I can't see one being correlated to the other per se. Finances can undoubtedly be a source of stress and tension in a relationship, so you could see how that could affect other areas of a relationship. Finances have never been an issue in my marriage and right now you are more likely to find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow then anything resembling a sex life lol.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

We have joint checking/savings accounts. I'm the one that pays the bills, balances the account, decides on shifting money from this account to the other, goes to the ATM (usually), etc. We decide on major purchases together. Neither of us cares about the little purchases however I would say that I've wondered from time to time if my husband has an Amazon addiction! Damn, I love Amazon too though.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

In our household, I do all the management of investments. I have been for years, unable to get my wife interested in taking part in it. She is highly intelligent, has a higher college degree than I do, but she has absolutely no interest. I have even scheduled appointments with our financial advisors around her schedule to no avail. When I discuss these things with her, her eyes just glaze over. I let her know of any major changes I make just to keep her in the loop. This has concerned me for some time as she wouldn't know where a lot of the money is should I pass suddenly. To cover this I have an envelope in our safe deposit box with all the information. Advisor contact information, account numbers, login IDs and passwords, life insurance policies.... She is aware that it is there should she need that information. I am sure however, if something did happen to me she would take the reigns and be just fine.

As far as day to day stuff, we confer with each other on purchases over a couple of hundred bucks. If it is a major purchase (new car, furnace...) we discuss those at length and both agree what needs to be done. We each have separate checking accounts and credit cards. We have signature and passwords to each other's accounts. She takes care of her credit card payments And I take care of the rest. For 30+ years we have done it this way and it has always worked for us. To date, we have only had one argument about money.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

BTW, it was very interesting how you worded your thread topic.


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## Parttimehippie (Dec 23, 2017)

Me. It's all me. Credit, insurance, mortgages, HIS mortgage that he came with are all on me. Separate bank accounts. He brings me bill money and I distribute it properly. We pool our money for things like house repairs and Christmas, but other than that it's all separate. We earn our own money and don't spend each other's. I control all of this because I've seen what he does on his own. We would not have anything if he were allowed to manage our money. Sad but true.


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

If there is one thing that I could go back in time and change in our marriage it would be how we manage our finances. There is no “We”, it’s all on me and I hate it. 
We married young and both of us lived with our parents before our wedding day. His mom was picking up his paychecks every week and cashing them, taking out money for his bills (and a hefty cut for herself), and then giving him whatever was left to spend freely. After we got married his mom tried to pick up my paycheck and I told her no and that I would take over paying our bills. My husband was content to stay out of it. 
Ugh....so now 15 years later he’s 35 years old and he doesn’t know anything about our finances. He has no idea what our mortgage is or anything. If I die tomorrow he’ll be screwed. He also overspends and has put us in financial trouble before. Which causes us to fight because he thinks he should be allowed to spend money without checking with me and I agree but not if he’s not going to take any interest in our bills. It also put a lot of stress on me because I felt like I was constantly having to nag him about spending and count pennies to pay bills and buy groceries.

We’ve both gotten a lot better within the last year or so. He still doesn’t know much about our finances but he does at least check in with me and ask how we’re doing and offers ideas of how we can save. 
I do wish I could go back in time and have separate accounts and do things differently.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

notmyrealname4 said:


> We're terrible at it together. I've always wondered if there was a correlation between being good at money together and being good at sex together. Just a thought.


No.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

For a long time, I perceived myself to be 'good with money' in terms of budgeting, paying bills, saving. And I perceived him to be the opposite. My perception now, is different. There's a balance to be had, that I think we've both learned. I might keep a closer eye on expenses, he is more willing to take risk.

We're in it together. When he negotiates pay, he often consults with me. Usually I'm simply validating his decision, sometimes I remind him there's trade-offs. We discuss various aspects of an opportunity; learning, role, demands and stress. He'll readily admit 'admin' isn't his strong point - this means billing clients can be delayed/relaxed. I'd be the opposite. I'm more admin-focused with a mental filing cabinet of who he's worked for, and roughly what pay ought to be coming in, and when. Although he doesn't want me managing this for him and I understand that.

I changed industry a couple years ago. When I was making that change, he was supportive along with shared expectation that I figure out how to earn a certain salary again within a rough time-frame. I managed that. Now I'm looking to progress - to earn and experience more. To get there, I need more education / degree. We talked about the financial cost and he's fully supportive and encouraging, in all aspects. I'll continue working full-time while studying. 

There's a balance between us. We look to one another.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> BTW, it was very interesting how you worded your thread topic.


Agreed.

Although... a friend split from her husband, had no idea about their finances while married. Hadn't paid any bills and unaware of what was coming in and going out. She's now learning how to manage such things. Last we spoke, she asked 'Whose going to take care of me?' I replied, 'You need to take care of you.' 
I don't hear from her much anymore.


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

In the beginning I handled all the finances. Before we were married I had the apartment and he moved in with me. He would give me so much money a month to help cover bills. After we got married it took me some convincing him to get a joint account so we could put all our money into one account to pay bills, then I could see how much was left over to put into savings. He finally agreed, but still kept up the pattern of just depositing of what he thought would be enough money to pay the bills and essentially keeping the rest for himself. After a while I really got tired of not knowing truly what was coming in and going out, and having to rob Peter to pay Paul (constant transfer of monies back and forth between savings & checking to pay bills). So I just chucked it all over to him, check book, bills, everything, and let him figure out and do it. BIG MISTAKE!! Live and Learn I guess.

He is financially irresponsible, and has committed financial infidelity, and has not been transparent with the finances over the years. It got us into a real financial mess. I took things over about three years ago after the water had been shut off at our home (in the middle of a DEEP FREEZE, sub zero temps) for the second time in about 8 months. Also discovered that the car payment was one month behind, with the next month due just around the corner. So, within the week I had all financials back in my possession and have been working on the financial mess we were in, and trying to get our credit scores back to a somewhat normal level. He remains on a budget and when he doesn't have any more spending money he has to ask. I'm not making any major financial decisions other than paying the bills on a monthly basis as needed. 

And for those of you who think there might be a correlation between finances and sex......we don't have sex.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bobsmith said:


> Ladies, I am looking for a glimpse into you roles in a home. Do you help with budgeting, decision making, etc? Or does you man handle all of this?


I find it sort of amusing that you assume that either the man does this or maybe the woman 'helps'. 

In a lot of marriages, it's the woman who manages the money. 

In the books, *Smart Couples Finish Rich, Revised and Updated: 9 Steps to Creating a Rich Future for You and Your Partner*, the author David Bach (a financial advisor) says that the couples he counsels who do the best financially have the woman managing the finances. I find that interesting.



.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I used to manage the money, but found that while doing that my wife didn't have much of a concept of how much money we had vs how much we needed to save for bills and whatnot. She was spending money like it was going out of style, and at a time where I was making the most money I ever have in my life, we were still living paycheck to paycheck. 

The last straw came one day when we were completely out of money and I found out she'd bought $200 of groceries on a credit card.

So I gave her the responsibility of managing the budget. Turns out she's actually really good at it, but she needs to see it in front of her for it to be "real".


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I've always handled all the finances in our marriage....28 yrs now... I am "tighter" with money over my husband.. he likes to say of me ..."my wife can squeeze a dime out of a nickel" .....

He's never worried I would be careless with $$ ...if anything I would pitch a holy fit if I felt we were going in any debt... I could not be married to a man who didn't involve me in our finances/ what goes on ... 

I am very good to keep him updated on everything...any large purchases / home improvements we discuss, and go forth together.. Anything to affect our finances.. he would immediately be in the know...

I write all the checks, handle all the utilities (choosing Electric suppliers), what credit cards we take out, CD's, keeps track of his 401K, do the FAFSA, pay college costs, etc etc ...

He's always been good with this...less he has to worry about, so he says...he knows I am up on it...never late on a bill.. our Credit rating is always in the 800's.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Fozzy said:


> The last straw came one day when we were completely out of money and I found out she'd bought $200 of groceries on a credit card.


 and that card carries a high interest rate and you are trying to pay it off - I take it?

I purposely put all our groceries on a credit card - I use an American Express which gives 3% back... just have to pay it IN FULL every month.. that's a must or these cards will rape you financially....I'd cut them up if I was paying interest. 

I average $400 + cash back a year using credit cards... I put everything imaginable on there....even bought 2 used cars with them...


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

SimplyAmorous said:


> and that card carries a high interest rate and you are trying to pay it off - I take it?
> 
> I purposely put all our groceries on a credit card - I use an American Express which gives 3% back... just have to pay it IN FULL every month.. that's a must or these cards will rape you financially....I'd cut them up if I was paying interest.
> 
> I average $400 + cash back a year using credit cards... I put everything imaginable on there....even bought 2 used cars with them...


Me too.

I am so anal about not carrina balance that I log on frequently to check when the credit card posts the charge and pay it the day it posts.

Or you can make a payment at the register right after you pay with your card,


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

chillymorn69 said:


> Me too.
> 
> I am so anal about not carrina balance that I log on frequently to check when the credit card posts the charge and pay it the day it posts.
> 
> Or you can make a payment at the register right after you pay with your card,


Ha ha.. I am not this bad, I still like to get the paper bill in the mail.. I generally pay it as soon as I get it... but sometimes I mark the calendar to make absolute sure it is paid at least 2 weeks before due. 

I don't understand.. you make a payment - to pay off your credit card right after you made a purchase at a register... how is this done?

I've never used a debit card... wouldn't want one of those , they have far less protection if someone steals your info.. you could lose everything in your checking account !... and no perks/ no cash back..


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Ha ha.. I am not this bad, I still like to get the paper bill in the mail.. I generally pay it as soon as I get it... but sometimes I mark the calendar to make absolute sure it is paid at least 2 weeks before due.
> 
> I don't understand.. you make a payment - to pay off your credit card right after you made a purchase at a register... how is this done?
> 
> I've never used a debit card... wouldn't want one of those , they have far less protection if someone steals your info.. you could lose everything in your checking account !... and no perks/ no cash back..



At sams club I pay with my sams club credit card. And right after I say can I make a payment on my card and en pay it with my debit card.

Can do it walmart also.

I never have to send a payment through the mail. No buying stamps. I pay everything I can online . Easy easy.

I have pnc bank . I use their virtual wallet checking account.

Really nice. No fees if direct deposite
All kind of cool features.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

chillymorn69 said:


> At sams club I pay with my sams club credit card. And right after I say can I make a payment on my card and en pay it with my debit card.
> 
> Can do it walmart also.
> 
> ...


So you use your credit card to get perks, then immediately pay it with a debit card... I don't use stamps either...I just like getting that paper bill in the mail... 

I generally pay "over the phone" instead of online.. Doesn't seem many use this option.. I find it easier somehow... I have our Electric deducted right out of our checking, things like AAA, cable, netflix... whatever allows, have those charged on my card every month so I am still earning some cash back...wish I could pay our taxes with it... 

I've never paid a bank fee yet...so long as we keep so much in our checking account, never going under...there is no fees...sounds good to me... 

Ever hear of a virtual credit card?  ... I like to use this when paying online (if not real familiar with the website).. gives added protection -generating a fake credit card # to use 1 time only....


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> Ladies, I am looking for a glimpse into you roles in a home. Do you help with budgeting, decision making, etc? Or does you man handle all of this?


I (female) do all of this. The big picture is discussed between us, but the daily grind is all mine.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> and that card carries a high interest rate and you are trying to pay it off - I take it?
> 
> I purposely put all our groceries on a credit card - I use an American Express which gives 3% back... just have to pay it IN FULL every month.. that's a must or these cards will rape you financially....I'd cut them up if I was paying interest.
> 
> I average $400 + cash back a year using credit cards... I put everything imaginable on there....even bought 2 used cars with them...


I have only two CCs, a Visa Amazon and a Starwood Amex. All purchases go on these cards and balances are paid off entirely every month (never carry a balance). We have gotten a ridiculous amount of Amazon gift cards by doing this, and my next vacation later this year will be covered entirely by the points I accumulated with the Starwood Amex card :grin2: Now of course, the issue is when people throw money on cards to get points, but carry a balance where the interest charges well exceed the rewards (obviously the credit card companies know this as well)


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Me too.
> 
> I am so anal about not carrina balance that I log on frequently to check when the credit card posts the charge and pay it the day it posts.
> 
> Or you can make a payment at the register right after you pay with your card,


I just have my CC's set to autopay in full every month. One less thing to worry about. 

Aside from people like the landscapers, I have everything set up for autodraft. Most of it drafts against a credit card that is used only for scheduled drafts. There are a couple of things that won't take credit cards and are autopaid via bank draft. 

I'm a huge fan of automation in finances. My check is direct deposited. The day after it goes in, money gets transferred to my savings and brokerage accounts. The kids allowances are autotransferred. Bills are autopaid. I keep an eye on what is happening but don't have to take actions very often.


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## concernedhub (Feb 15, 2018)

I can speak as a man.

My first marriage we married very young so started with very little and had a joint account.

We honestly never had a single discussion about finances. 

We set a budget and as we moved up and made more money we would save more and never micromanaged each other’s spending. If she or I were going to spend a decent amount of money we’d just say hey I bought this or want to buy this.

A few times such as saving for our first house we set a goal and without a word we both became thrifty and saved.

If we said save 1000 a month my wife who controlled the checkbook you can be sure 12 months later the savings would be there.

It’s the one thing me and my exW never ever argued or had issues with thankfully.

But I should add that my exW worked at a bank so she knew how to handle money.


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## Kittysalem (Feb 20, 2018)

I actually handle all the money in my household and currently I don't make any of it


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Both have jobs. I do bills / balance the check book. She does the taxes. Both have access to all accounts.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

When I was married, getting H to sit down to discuss anything finance related or anything of substance was like pulling teeth. So, I made the household decisions, and rarely consulted him on something that I wanted to purchase with my own funds. He didn't consult me on things that he wanted to purchase either, and we both had separate bank accounts. Anything household came out of my account.


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## Staisha (Sep 20, 2016)

Yes, I help my husband to run a family budget.


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## Anonymoushomemaker (Apr 14, 2018)

I’m a few years younger than him, and we got in a relationship and moved in together when I was 18. Because he’s more experienced, he’s always been the one to make financial decisions. He’ll tell me about it, make sure I’m okay with it, but ultimately he has the ‘bigger say.’ It hasn’t been an issue, he’s a very responsible person and wouldn’t even consider things that we couldn’t comfortably afford, so for the most part I just say ‘okay’ and let him do his thing.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Taxman said:


> I am happy to say that we do things 50/50. We divide the duties according to individual strengths. We dump both of our pay into one account, everything is joint. She does the investing as she has a flair for it, and does quite well, I tend to overanalyse, and ultimately spin my wheels. Large investments are a joint decision. I handle the credit cards, as I take insane joy in questioning anything and everything on my statement. AmEx absolutely hates me. (Especially after I questioned whether it was economically sound for my firm to accept their card.)


We do things 50/50 too and discuss everything that isn't small (he doesn't discuss going to lunch with buddies with me. I don't discuss buying girl scout cookies from the coworkers daughter haha). We have goals and day to day needs that we talk about and balance together.

We "pool our resources" so to speak, but we do not have a joint checking because we are both in the downhill half of the century age-wise and we have been married before, etc. We haven't decided whether we will pool everything into a single joint account or have a joint account for bills and still keep our individual ones. But I would say we are definitely egalitarian/complementarian.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

My late husband paid the bills, but I knew how and knew where everything was, so after his death I was able to seamlessly take over. I have a friend who always let her husband handle everything; he was older, and she thought he was "so much smarter". Well, he had Guillian Barre twice (which is such a medical anomaly) and it damaged his way of thinking. Since she had no idea what was going on, she didn't realize that he had cashed out a large part of his life insurance to do stupid things like put in an above-ground pool. He also quit-claimed a part of their home to one of her sons, who went to Thailand and is apparently mentally ill. So there is no clear title on the house, she had to move in with a daughter and let the house be foreclosed on (I don't know what is going on with that, with no clear title). She is close to destitute; there was less than $5k life insurance left.

So, that wall of text says everybody should at least want to have an idea as to where the finances stand, even if you don't want to participate.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

concernedhub said:


> My first marriage we married very young so started with very little and had a joint account.
> 
> We honestly never had a single discussion about finances.
> 
> ...


This sounds like our household. 

We moved in together as soon as we graduated college and were FLAT BROKE, but luckily had no debt. Since day one, all of our funds have been co-mingled, joint bank account etc (even before we were married). 

We don't fight over money, I can't recall a single fight over money. He tends to be a bit more of a spender, and me more of a saver - its a good ying and yang. He encourages me to treat myself, or take trips together - I'll tell him lets hold off a few months before making a major purchase he wants to. 

When times are lean, we both buckle down and watch our spending. When I get a big bonus (like this week, YAY!) we will enjoy a bit of a treat (perhaps a purchase we have been putting off). 

We have no debt, no credit card balances, no car payments - and we rent (its the CA bay area, we aren't millionaires!).

I handle the majority of our finances, bill paying, and file our taxes. Most money matters are in my court. I also review contracts we enter into (rental agreements etc) as its something I am versed in professionally.


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