# Am I the only one? Why is this even called the Ladies Lounge?



## NobodySpecial

It is A-OK for gents to come in here and tell us how wrong we are about consent, mansplaining and OUR experiences. But they get plenty of leeway in the Men's Lounge for some pretty ew "locker room talk". Is it me, or is TAM a really male-centric place? It has seemed to me for years that any normal women without massive thick skin are chased from here pretty quickly. It does not matter much to me since if DH and I have an issue, we go visit our therapist again. But it makes me wonder.


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## Thor

Well, honey, let me explain it to you.... >


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## Mr. Nail

When I first came to TAM the ladies lounge was strictly forbidden to carriers of the Y chromosome. It's no where near that now. I do still get a nervous twitch when posting here. I don't find locker room talk to be any more prevalent than man bashing. Beta men are treated as badly as home wreckers and so on.

I need to go now the twitch is making it hard to type.


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## Cletus

I thought the distinction was an anachronism anyways, seeing as we live in a post gender world nowadays.

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## personofinterest

I think for the most part it is pretty balanced. There may be 2 or 3 women here who seem to be the oft-stereotyped "uber-feminists." There are probably....5 or 6 men who carry the aura of disliking women immensely. Other than that I think most folks are pretty middle of the road outside the occasional trigger or bad day (myself included). I think we sometimes SEE a bias because we may not like what someone posts or their style. I know I have been accused of being misandrist, a feminist, etc., which would cause anyone who actually knows me to collapse into hysterical laughter. I am so traditional I am almost a throwback in some ways. BUT I call crap where I see it, and that doesn't always fly well. I am just as apt to call out a WW as harshly as a WH or a feminazi as hard as a hardline MGTOW/incel/bitter basement guy.

I have come to understand that people see what they look for, form opinions accordingly, and have a hard time shifting their paradigms.


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## NobodySpecial

Wait. ACCUSED of being a feminist? I don't care if you are or you aren't, whatever that even means. But since when is that an accusation?


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## personofinterest

NobodySpecial said:


> Wait. ACCUSED of being a feminist? I don't care if you are or you aren't, whatever that even means. But since when is that an accusation?


Yeah, I was unclear. They mean the man-hating radical micro-aggression obsessed type of feminist who screams a lot, hates men, and despises any woman who is traditional. REAL feminism is about choice....I am one of those I guess. But some of this newer wave seems to only respect you if you hate men and cast off any traditional notion of womanhood or femininity.

Which is why it's funny when people call me that, as I sit here in my feminine soft pink blouse, after talking to my dear husband and my wonderful father earlier today, while thinking about what I will cook for dinner tonight lol

But I didn't congratulate a man for wearing a woman down until she said yes....so obviously I am a rampant uber feminist


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## 3Xnocharm

If I post a question here in the ladies lounge, I am looking for primarily female advice/perspective/opinion. If a dude chimes in here or there, well ok... If I want the male advice/perspective/opinion on something, then I would venture into the men's clubhouse. I give my two cents there now and then but not very often. I think we have some really awesome dudes here on this forum, I would love to meet a man in real life who would be comfortable participating in a forum like this.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

3Xnocharm said:


> If I post a question here in the ladies lounge, I am looking for primarily female advice/perspective/opinion. If a dude chimes in here or there, well ok... If I want the male advice/perspective/opinion on something, then I would venture into the men's clubhouse. I give my two cents there now and then but not very often. I think we have some really awesome dudes here on this forum, I would love to meet a man in real life who would be comfortable participating in a forum like this.


On a few occasions, I have posted in the Ladies Lounge... as a result of not having paid attention. I will see a topic that interests me on the "Active Topics" page, so I hop in. And then, after I have posted, I notice that I'm in The Ladies Lounge. Ooops. 

Other than that, I have perused the Ladies Lounge because it can be both interesting and educational to see how women are thinking, especially some of the women on this site who's thoughts I have come to regard highly. In those cases, I don't post. Well, almost never... there have been a couple occasions where 1. The OP did express a desire to add male perspective or 2. The discussion was getting horribly off kilter with regard to the men under discussion. 

That said, I have no problem with women wandering into the Mens Clubhouse for whatever reason moves them, be it to learn, constructively participate, or even to bash. It's all good there.


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## Blondilocks

NobodySpecial said:


> It is A-OK for gents to come in here and tell us how wrong we are about consent, mansplaining and OUR experiences. But they get plenty of leeway in the Men's Lounge for some pretty ew "locker room talk". Is it me, or is TAM a really male-centric place? It has seemed to me for years that any normal women without massive thick skin are chased from here pretty quickly. It does not matter much to me since if DH and I have an issue, we go visit our therapist again. But it makes me wonder.


TAM is male-centric. 

That said, no one has said it is ok for men to tell us how wrong we are or how we are supposed to think or what we are supposed to feel. Feel free to express your opinion on their opinion and nicely tell them to piss off. Or, not so nicely. You'll probably be banned for bickering anyway, so go for the gold. lol


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## Laurentium

I tend to find threads in the Recent Discussions box on the right, so I have no idea which subdivision they are in. There is also a reasonable proportion of posters that I don't think of as being of any specific gender, if neither their forum name nor their content particularly indicate it. On this thread, for example, I don't really feel I have reason to know what gender "3Xnocharm" would be (no offence intended).


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## Cletus

Blondilocks said:


> TAM is male-centric.


What makes you say that?

I have been socializing on the internet since the early days of Usenet. TAM has far and away the most female representation of any forum in which I have participated. I have never felt that either gender much dominates the conversation.

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## Laurentium

NobodySpecial said:


> It is A-OK for gents to come in here and tell us how wrong we are about consent, mansplaining and OUR experiences.


I guess it is OK for anyone on here to tell anyone else that they're wrong about something. Although usually fruitless! 

On the mainsplaining one, for example... I posted on that thread. I'm male. I've had the experience of people explaining things condescendingly to me without bothering to check whether I know more about the subject than they do, or indeed despite evidence that I do. Both men and women have done this to me. I think it happens pretty frequently. Should I not say so?

As far as the consent thread is concerned, I hadn't looked at that one, but now that I do, I see it was started by a man... so would that make it OK for men to comment, or what?


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## PigglyWiggly

I ask my wife her opinion on some of these topics and post them at times.


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## Cletus

PigglyWiggly said:


> I ask my wife her opinion on some of these topics and post them at times.


My wife gives me all of my opinions too. Much simpler that way.

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## OnTheFly

Maybe keep the gender specific sub forums gender specific? Nope, too easy.


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## chillymorn69

Labels its all about the labels!

Give it a new fangled label and it must be so!



I have been here a long time. And am glad to Hear the female point of view even if I don't agree with it . Many many times I think back and say damn they were right on.

People come here because they are trying to figure things out. And in the process want to help others .

Can we not be mature enough to disregard the opinions that grate us the wrong way and maybe open minded enough to maybe look back and actually rethink our views.


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## Red Sonja

NobodySpecial said:


> It is A-OK for gents to come in here and tell us how wrong we are about consent, mansplaining and OUR experiences. But they get plenty of leeway in the Men's Lounge for some pretty ew "locker room talk". Is it me, or is TAM a really male-centric place? It has seemed to me for years that any normal women without massive thick skin are chased from here pretty quickly. It does not matter much to me since if DH and I have an issue, we go visit our therapist again. But it makes me wonder.


It seems to be male-centric in that most of the infidelity and sex-in-marriage threads are started by males. I think that is just coincidence because on other boards with the same topics it is either balanced by gender or perhaps more female-centric. Who knows why.

I do dislike the what you call "locker room talk" although I call it "teenage boy drivel". There are a few men on here that start that **** up on various threads ... you know, women as sex objects with little intelligence or common sense. I tend to call them out on their more outrageous statements however I mostly roll my eyes and move on.

*There are also a lot of good men here who give reasoned advice.* And so, for the minority who do the stereotypical gender-war posturing, I (mostly) ignore them and and count myself lucky not to encounter them IRL.


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## TheDudeLebowski

Depends for me. I stay away from poll questions for woman. Advice asked specifically from women. Other stuff I don't know about or have an opinion on. Nympho, I have never encountered one in my life. These seems like some sort if mythological creature to me. I've been with a few women who love sex, but they aren't nymphos. Ball sack thread, besides my own, I dont have an opinion on balls. Doctors like to fondle them. Boxers can't touch them. I'm not sure how they are sexual. Its not a thing for me anyway. 

If I see a topic I'm interested in, I'll click it. If I think I can think of some good teenage boy drivel to post, I will. If I think the topic is more serious than shaved pubes, I'll be more serious. Depending on my mood anyway. Some topics are very serious, but i can't help myself. If I actually believed half of the nonsense I say when I'm joking around, I probably wouldn't be married still. My wife is a very strong woman, and definitely the leader of our house. She's certainly not with me because of money or good looks either lol.


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## TheDudeLebowski

Btw, I just want to point out that both forums are oppressive. Where is the gender fluid, non binary forum? I'm deeply disappointed that TAM would not give these people a safe space of their own.


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## EleGirl

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Btw, I just want to point out that both forums are oppressive. Where is the gender fluid, non binary forum? I'm deeply disappointed that TAM would not give these people a safe space of their own.


You are clearly a trouble maker! >


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## personofinterest

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Btw, I just want to point out that both forums are oppressive. Where is the gender fluid, non binary forum? I'm deeply disappointed that TAM would not give these people a safe space of their own.


 Exactly how many separate sub forums would that be? Is it still 33 or are we up to 40 or 50 by now


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## gman95901

As a mod on other forums of this nature, I can tell you that these gender or couple specific groups are a pain to moderate and can often be contrary to the collective mission of the discussion forum as a whole. In the height of the digital age where one can mask their IP, and yes even their gender, there is really no way to mediate who is posting to a specific section except by assigning a diligent moderator to insure that all of the participants meet the criteria for that section, which is time and resource consuming to say the least. To give an example, we had a couples only section moderated by two of our brightest mods and it was later discovered that one of the couples they allowed in was not a couple at all. It was a man posing as two separate people and he was so clever that he fooled everyone into believing his 'wife' actually existed, even though she was a figment of his imagination. Thus, creating a section like this on an open discussion forum and expecting that it will remain gender specific is a fools folly unless you have the resources to devote to a full time diligent totalitarian mod who is willing to put in the time and effort into keeping the sanctity of it. What we learned was that the harder we pushed the rule, the harder those who wanted to violate the rule pushed back. Eventually, we decided to scrap the sections due to the overwhelming amount if resources it pulled away from the rest of the boards to keep it going while chasing out frauds. I wouldn't be surprised if there were already some posting here who would be clever enough to sneak under the radar and would do the same. Perhaps that is why the rather loose enforcement exists...


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## FrenchFry

.


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## Maxwedge 413

While a woman should be able to ask a woman-centric question to a sub-forum of woman, shouldn't said woman be allowed to benefit from a man's perspective on that same question? If somehow that forum was actually able to block men from answering, the ladies may only have a one sided opinion in the answers. I understand that the crude humor jokesters can quickly derail a decent thread, but on the other hand, if ladies are asking questions such as "Why do men (do, say, feel, think, act) things", then you may never figure it out without input from men of different ages/backgrounds/cultures.


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## Blondilocks

Loose exaction - hmmm - have mulled it over and still can't figure it out. Is that like being a little bit pregnant?

Humor me: I have a theory that men post more in the Ladies Lounge than women post in the Men's Clubhouse because men act like they want to know what women think (they really don't; they're looking for land-mines & ammo) and women don't really give a crap about what men think.


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## EllisRedding

Us men are just upset that you ladies always have the nicer public bathrooms.

Seriously, here is a typical example of a Ladies bathroom at Apple Bees ... wtf ...


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## gman95901

Blondilocks said:


> Loose exaction - hmmm - have mulled it over and still can't figure it out. Is that like being a little bit pregnant?
> 
> Humor me: I have a theory that men post more in the Ladies Lounge than women post in the Men's Clubhouse because men act like they want to know what women think (they really don't; they're looking for land-mines & ammo) and women don't really give a crap about what men think.


Thanks for catching that. I Intended to use 'enforcement'; don't know where my train of thought went at that point. :surprise:

That would be the easiest conclusion to draw wouldn't it? And I'm certain that those specific motivations account for some of the traffic. Falling back on experiences moderating on other forums, I would tend to agree that while the two groups that were frequent targets were mainly the women's and couple's sections, we did have repeated incursions into the men's as well, albeit not as frequent. Catfishing(and other names I don't use in open discussion) has risen into a big problem on discussion mediums with people with diverse motives repeatedly returning with new personas to deceive, prank or charm people for seemingly no other reason other than for the thrill of it. But if a medium has the resources to dedicate to enforce it, then by all means, go for it. When your managing a burgeoning membership of over 5000 producing some 200,000 posts, it isn't as easy as one thinks to keep things exclusive..


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## personofinterest

The best way to discourage a pot-stirrer is to ignore them. But people cannot resist engaging, so the bait always gets taken. That goes for whatever forum


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

EllisRedding said:


> Us men are just upset that you ladies always have the nicer public bathrooms.
> 
> Seriously, here is a typical example of a Ladies bathroom at Apple Bees ... wtf ...


Meanwhile, this is the men's room at the very same Applebees:


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## EleGirl

EllisRedding said:


> Us men are just upset that you ladies always have the nicer public bathrooms.
> 
> Seriously, here is a typical example of a Ladies bathroom at Apple Bees ... wtf ...


I have clearly been going to the wrong Apple Bees. Where do I find the ones that have these bathrooms?


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## EleGirl

One thing that we can be sure of, no matter what we do, someone will complain. >


That said, I think more men post in the Ladies' Lounge forum then woman do. I've actually tallied posts on some of the longer threads and it's usually twice as many males than females. I think they post here to mansplain, Lord knows we women need them to clarify things for us.


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## gman95901

EleGirl said:


> One thing that we can be sure of, no matter what we do, someone will complain. >


The life of an Admin/mod! They complain because a section _isn't_ exclusive. They complain because it_ is_ exclusive. Then they complain when you dump it because it caused too much drama on the boards! You're absolutely right, can't win no matter what... :surprise:


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## NobodySpecial

EleGirl said:


> One thing that we can be sure of, no matter what we do, someone will complain. >


I was not complaining! Not in the like... mods do something abotu this forum way! I was not really complaining at all, just wondering about the vine.


> That said, I think more men post in the Ladies' Lounge forum then woman do. I've actually tallied posts on some of the longer threads and it's usually twice as many males than females. I think they post here to mansplain, Lord knows we women need them to clarify things for us.


Are you being sarcastic? Just curious.


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## Blondilocks

EllisRedding said:


> Us men are just upset that you ladies always have the nicer public bathrooms.
> 
> Seriously, here is a typical example of a Ladies bathroom at Apple Bees ... wtf ...


This pic reminds me of the ladies 'room' at the old Avon Distribution Center in Pasadena back in the eighties. I couldn't believe how lux that room was. No one was allowed to wear scents at work; but, come quitting time the ladies made a beeline for that room to freshen up with all the free cosmetics and perfumes. On the way out of the building our bags and briefcases were checked and then we were frequently handed a bag of free goodies. They were a good employer.


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## Blondilocks

NobodySpecial said:


> I was not complaining! Not in the like... mods do something abotu this forum way! I was not really complaining at all, just wondering about the vine.
> 
> 
> Are you being sarcastic? Just curious.


Her last sentence is sarcastic.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Just thought I'd add that noone need worry about me sticking my ignorant Y chromosome in and mansplaining anything on the Kegel Weights thread. I have no problem admitting when something's outside my area of expertise.


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## Buddy400

I'm rarely aware of what forum a thread is in (I usually just notice things in 'Recent Discussions').

I haven't read all the posts and I'm not sure if this is actually seen as a problem.

If it is, let me know and I'll check more carefully before posting.


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## Blondilocks

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Just thought I'd add that noone need worry about me sticking my ignorant Y chromosome in and mansplaining anything on the Kegel Weights thread. I have no problem admitting when something's outside my area of expertise.


That thread has 12 posts with 11 responses and 4 of the responses are from men. lol

A man has to know his limitations.


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## TheDudeLebowski

Blondilocks said:


> Humor me: I have a theory that men post more in the Ladies Lounge than women post in the Men's Clubhouse because men act like they want to know what women think (they really don't; they're looking for land-mines & ammo) and women don't really give a crap about what men think.


I dont think either of those statements are true. I believe both men and women care what the opposite sex thinks on a lot of topics and subjects. My belief is the disconnect happens because both sides have no ability to live in each others shoes, not even hypothetically. We are much the same, but WAY too different all at once.


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## TheDudeLebowski

Buddy400 said:


> I'm rarely aware of what forum a thread is in (I usually just notice things in 'Recent Discussions').
> 
> I haven't read all the posts and I'm not sure if this is actually seen as a problem.
> 
> If it is, let me know and I'll check more carefully before posting.


I agree. If the ladies really want us out of that sub forum, then I will no longer post here. We can move questions specifically for the opposite sex to the general forum or off topic if its not really about relationship advice. But more about ball sacks or whatever.


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## TheDudeLebowski

Blondilocks said:


> That thread has 12 posts with 11 responses and 4 of the responses are from men. lol
> 
> A man has to know his limitations.


Conversely, the post about having more sex outside of a relationship in the mens clubhouse, of the first 8 replies to the OP, 6 of the posts came from 5 different laydeeees. So its probably more equal than some of you girls are thinking here.

Edit: to go further, because I just skimmed the first page then posted above... the entire thread is almost all women replying.


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## Maxwedge 413

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Conversely, the post about having more sex outside of a relationship in the mens clubhouse, of the first 8 replies to the OP, 6 of the posts came from 5 different laydeeees. So its probably more equal than some of you girls are thinking here.
> 
> Edit: to go further, because I just skimmed the first page then posted above... the entire thread is almost all women replying.


How dare they? It's almost as if they are senscient and curious creatures who would like to contribute and learn. Like we men do. Appalling!!!


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## TheDudeLebowski

Maxwedge 413 said:


> How dare they? It's almost as if they are senscient and curious creatures who would like to contribute and learn. Like we men do. Appalling!!!


Apparently it is appalling that men post in this forum. If not appalling, its at least an annoyance to some it seems. I don't think any guys care if women respond in the men's clubhouse.


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## 269370

NobodySpecial said:


> It is A-OK for gents to come in here and tell us how wrong we are about consent, mansplaining and OUR experiences. But they get plenty of leeway in the Men's Lounge for some pretty ew "locker room talk". Is it me, or is TAM a really male-centric place? It has seemed to me for years that any normal women without massive thick skin are chased from here pretty quickly. It does not matter much to me since if DH and I have an issue, we go visit our therapist again. But it makes me wonder.



You mean the locker room talk where we worship vajayjays? I know it’s terrible. They should shut this down. But also feel free to disagree with us and come and womansplain how terrible and useless vajayjays are, if you have the opposite opinion, since you must be ‘in the know’. 


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## 269370

personofinterest said:


> I think for the most part it is pretty balanced. There may be 2 or 3 women here who seem to be the oft-stereotyped "uber-feminists."



You mean they are feminists AND use an Uber?!! That ridonculous.

Lets play the game of who those taxi-feminists are instead. Seems like much more fun! 
I can definitely name 3. But they might be dudes in disguise. (Probably are).



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## 269370

NobodySpecial said:


> Wait. ACCUSED of being a feminist? I don't care if you are or you aren't, whatever that even means. But since when is that an accusation?




It shouldn’t be an accusation, but a sentence  (for the Uber type).


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## musicftw07

inmyprime said:


> You mean the locker room talk where we worship vajayjays? I know it’s terrible. They should shut this down. But also feel free to disagree with us and come and womansplain how terrible and useless vajayjays are, if you have the opposite opinion, since you must be ‘in the know’.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I prefer the term "femsplain". Keeping it down to two syllables somehow makes it sound better in my ears.

Count me in among the people who skim Active Topics. I rarely know the subforum of the thread. But I've got no problem staying out of LL if it's preferred that males keep out.

Echo chambers are very comforting. Like I soft knitted blanket your grandmother made for you.

I still have the quilt my grandma made me twenty years ago as a graduation gift. She would be appalled to know of some of things I've done on top of that quilt over the years.

What? It's comfortable as hell.


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## 269370

personofinterest said:


> Yeah, I was unclear. They mean the man-hating radical micro-aggression obsessed type of feminist who screams a lot, hates men, and despises....



Those make the best breakfast in bed IRL though...



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## Red Sonja

musicftw07 said:


> Echo chambers are very comforting. Like I soft knitted blanket your grandmother made for you.
> 
> I still have the quilt my grandma made me twenty years ago as a graduation gift.


Anechoic chambers are much more fun. 

I have my quilt too, she embroidered my name on it complete with an extra syllable in the middle ... spelled exactly how she always said it ... wouldn't change it for the world.


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## musicftw07

Red Sonja said:


> Anechoic chambers are much more fun.
> 
> I have my quilt too, she embroidered my name on it complete with an extra syllable in the middle ... spelled exactly how she always said it ... wouldn't change it for the world.


I heartily agree!

That's really sweet. Glad you have something like that too. Mine's very masculine looking, patched denim with plaid, but she did sew a small heart on it and wrote my name on the heart. Unfortunately, after two decades the handwriting has faded off.

But the heart is still there. Whenever I fold it nicely on the end of my bed I always put the heart side up.


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## 269370

Cletus said:


> What makes you say that?
> 
> I have been socializing on the internet since the early days of Usenet. TAM has far and away the most female representation of any forum in which I have participated. I have never felt that either gender much dominates the conversation.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk




One man is one gender too many. 


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## aine

NobodySpecial said:


> It is A-OK for gents to come in here and tell us how wrong we are about consent, mansplaining and OUR experiences. But they get plenty of leeway in the Men's Lounge for some pretty ew "locker room talk". Is it me, or is TAM a really male-centric place? It has seemed to me for years that any normal women without massive thick skin are chased from here pretty quickly. It does not matter much to me since if DH and I have an issue, we go visit our therapist again. But it makes me wonder.


You are absolutely right! One sees it especially with the responses to cheating women and the responses to cheating men. The latter tend to get a lot of empathy because they didn't get sex, etc. however no such empathy for cheating women who have put up with years of emotional neglect.

Personally, cheaters should receive no empathy period. If you are not having your needs met, its no excuse to cheat. So yeah, lots of double standards, mainly biased in favor of the male. Though it doesn't bother me, let them live in their bubble.


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## aine

Blondilocks said:


> TAM is male-centric.
> 
> That said, no one has said it is ok for men to tell us how wrong we are or how we are supposed to think or what we are supposed to feel. Feel free to express your opinion on their opinion and nicely tell them to piss off. Or, not so nicely. You'll probably be banned for bickering anyway, so go for the gold. lol


I also noticed more recently men posting about their cheating wives in the infidelity thread, more so than women posting about cheating husbands.


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## 269370

Red Sonja said:


> I do dislike the what you call "locker room talk" although I call it "teenage boy drivel". There are a few men on here that start that **** up on various threads ... you know, women as sex objects with little intelligence or common sense. I tend to call them out on their more outrageous statements however I mostly roll my eyes and move on.



My wife does the same when I give her the “teenage boy drivel” but about 1 in 4 times, she’ll want me to **** her really hard as a result. So I’m just practicing it here, to perfect it for her benefit.

I always thought it was one of those things women find openly very annoying but secretly really liked?? 🤪

A bit like enjoying TV series that are actually intended for teenage girls...or junk food...
Oh those guilty pleasures. 🤫🤫🤫



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## 269370

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Btw, I just want to point out that both forums are oppressive. Where is the gender fluid, non binary forum? I'm deeply disappointed that TAM would not give these people a safe space of their own.




Try Politics and Religious section


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## TheDudeLebowski

aine said:


> You are absolutely right! One sees it especially with the responses to cheating women and the responses to cheating men. The latter tend to get a lot of empathy because they didn't get sex, etc. however no such empathy for cheating women who have put up with years of emotional neglect.
> 
> Personally, cheaters should receive no empathy period. If you are not having your needs met, its no excuse to cheat. So yeah, lots of double standards, mainly biased in favor of the male. Though it doesn't bother me, let them live in their bubble.


Hmmm. I think this is a case of reading what you want to read. Or reading into things what you want to read into them. Ive seen plenty of men being hard on men who cheat. 

In terms of more men posting in infidelity, it could simply be TAM shows up quicker with a google search for "wife cheated" than other forums.


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## 269370

Maxwedge 413 said:


> While a woman should be able to ask a woman-centric question to a sub-forum of woman, shouldn't said woman be allowed to benefit from a man's perspective on that same question?



‘Be allowed to benefit’? 
Stirring the pot again I see.



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## 269370

EllisRedding said:


> Us men are just upset that you ladies always have the nicer public bathrooms.
> 
> 
> 
> Seriously, here is a typical example of a Ladies bathroom at Apple Bees ... wtf ...



I don’t understand...Do you just squat and go on the floor? I have never been to the ladies bathrooms (intentionally) so I have no idea what to expect. But this doesn’t look very practical.


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## 269370

gman95901 said:


> The life of an Admin/mod! They complain because a section _isn't_ exclusive. They complain because it_ is_ exclusive. Then they complain when you dump it because it caused too much drama on the boards! You're absolutely right, can't win no matter what... :surprise:




Maybe time to open a section for mods to complain? It’s clearly needed.


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## 269370

aine said:


> You are absolutely right! One sees it especially with the responses to cheating women and the responses to cheating men. The latter tend to get a lot of empathy because they didn't get sex, etc. however no such empathy for cheating women who have put up with years of emotional neglect.




It’s difficult to provide emotional support when you are overwhelmed and exhausted having sex with lots of different women. A man can only satisfy so many women in desperate need at once, how can you not sympathise with this?
(Sorry, that was the last ‘teenage drivel’ I promise).


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Prodigal

NobodySpecial said:


> It has seemed to me for years that any normal women without massive thick skin are chased from here pretty quickly.


I've been here a long time. I don't recall anyone, man or woman, trying to chase me off the forum. But then I DO have very thick skin. However, not massively so ...


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

aine said:


> You are absolutely right! One sees it especially with the responses to cheating women and the responses to cheating men. The latter tend to get a lot of empathy because they didn't get sex, etc. however no such empathy for cheating women who have put up with years of emotional neglect.
> 
> Personally, cheaters should receive no empathy period. If you are not having your needs met, its no excuse to cheat. So yeah, lots of double standards, mainly biased in favor of the male. Though it doesn't bother me, let them live in their bubble.


I don't think I've witnessed this. Check the currently running thread from the guy announcing he's blowing up his marriage. I havent been around here long, and I may have missed a few threads, but these responses seem to be the norm.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

inmyprime said:


> I don’t understand...Do you just squat and go on the floor? I have never been to the ladies bathrooms (intentionally) so I have no idea what to expect. But this doesn’t look very practical.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Ladies' rooms often have a small couch or a comfy seat before the stalls. This is simply an exaggeration of that concept.


----------



## Red Sonja

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Ladies' rooms often have a small couch or a comfy seat before the stalls. This is simply an exaggeration of that concept.


Yes, because it's handy for comforting a screaming kid or getting away from the breast-feeding-is-offensive crowd.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

inmyprime said:


> I don’t understand...Do you just squat and go on the floor? I have never been to the ladies bathrooms (intentionally) so I have no idea what to expect. But this doesn’t look very practical.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I would rather have a dirty ass bathroom where I can go in and out to take a piss by myself than go into a clean restroom that has some guy standing by the sink to put soap in your hands for you, trying to earn a tip with a line of aftershave, calognes, mouth wash, and whatever else. Handing you a paper towel and all that. Those guys creep me the freak out! 

Yeah ladies, y'all dont know anything about that uncomfortable situation do you? #manproblems


----------



## Cletus

Blondilocks said:


> Humor me: I have a theory that men post more in the Ladies Lounge than women post in the Men's Clubhouse because men act like they want to know what women think (they really don't; they're looking for land-mines & ammo) and women don't really give a crap about what men think.


With the full knowledge that this is probably a really bad idea...

I read a lot of your posts as having an enormous chip on your shoulder against men. 

Do I read you wrong?


----------



## 269370

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I would rather have a dirty ass bathroom where I can go in and out to take a piss by myself than go into a clean restroom that has some guy standing by the sink to put soap in your hands for you, trying to earn a tip with a line of aftershave, calognes, mouth wash, and whatever else. Handing you a paper towel and all that. Those guys creep me the freak out!
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah ladies, y'all dont know anything about that uncomfortable situation do you? #manproblems




Is it what those guys are for? I thought they were ‘assisting customers’. It’s not going to shake itself otherwise.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 269370

aine said:


> I also noticed more recently men posting about their cheating wives in the infidelity thread, more so than women posting about cheating husbands.



Isn’t it obvious why? Men obviously don’t cheat as much...

Actually l always wondered why that has always been the case here: for every one post of a cheating husband, there are like 10 of a woman having a affair. Could it be the same poster in different disguises?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I would rather have a dirty ass bathroom where I can go in and out to take a piss by myself than go into a clean restroom that has some guy standing by the sink to put soap in your hands for you, trying to earn a tip with a line of aftershave, calognes, mouth wash, and whatever else. Handing you a paper towel and all that. Those guys creep me the freak out!
> 
> Yeah ladies, y'all dont know anything about that uncomfortable situation do you? #manproblems


Oh good Lord. Do you really think that photo represents what women's bathrooms look like? They don't. 

The woman's bathroom usually looks just like the men's bathroom, just usually a cleaner.


----------



## EleGirl

inmyprime said:


> Isn’t it obvious why? Men obviously don’t cheat as much...
> 
> Actually l always wondered why that has always been the case here: for every one post of a cheating husband, there are like 10 of a woman having a affair. Could it be the same poster in different disguises?


There are other forums on the internet where the opposite is true. 

Any forum has a self selected population. TAM has always been more male oriented. Men come here and get a lot of other men giving them support. There are not a lot of other forums on the internet dealing with marriage issues that have strong male support system. So the men stay here.

Typically, women don't stay on TAM because they don't find as much support here. It's gotten better around here for women more recently. But for a long time this was a harsh site for women.


----------



## rockon

inmyprime said:


> aine said:
> 
> 
> 
> I also noticed more recently men posting about their cheating wives in the infidelity thread, more so than women posting about cheating husbands.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Isn’t it obvious why? Men obviously don’t cheat as much...
> 
> Actually l always wondered why that has always been the case here: for every one post of a cheating husband, there are like 10 of a woman having a affair. Could it be the same poster in different disguises?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

It has been my experience that a woman has a large external support structure to fall back on. 

A man does not (again, my experience). If he is faced with a cheating wife, he has little, if any, external support in place.

He hits TAM, broken and in pain, asking "what the hell do I do?".


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

EleGirl said:


> Oh good Lord. Do you really think that photo represents what women's bathrooms look like? They don't.
> 
> The woman's bathroom usually looks just like the men's bathroom, just usually a cleaner.


Of course not. You have a chair, or couch where our urinals would be. Other that that its probably the same. 

And cleaner? Lol. Please girl. Lets not pretend womens restrooms are cleaner than men's restrooms. If fitting rooms are any indication, I would bet $$$ if the men's restroom is dirty, the woman's is equal to, if not worse than the mens restroom in that same establishment. Fitting rooms where women piss on the floors, leave dirty diapers, used tampons, and god knows what else behind. Ask anyone who works at a JC penny's, or Khols or similar what those fitting rooms are like. Ask them if they would rather clean the mens fitting rooms or the womens. 

I'm not saying we men are better. I'm saying women are equally disgusting.


----------



## 269370

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Of course not. You have a chair, or couch where our urinals would be. Other that that its probably the same.
> 
> 
> 
> And cleaner? Lol. Please girl. Lets not pretend womens restrooms are cleaner than men's restrooms. If fitting rooms are any indication, I would bet $$$ if the men's restroom is dirty, the woman's is equal to, if not worse than the mens restroom in that same establishment. Fitting rooms where women piss on the floors, leave dirty diapers, used tampons, and god knows what else behind. Ask anyone who works at a JC penny's, or Khols or similar what those fitting rooms are like. Ask them if they would rather clean the mens fitting rooms or the womens.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm not saying we men are better. I'm saying women are equally disgusting.




I have heard that women’s bathrooms smell like a meadow on a rainy summer afternoon.  I would like to remain in that reality 🤭


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Prodigal

Blondilocks said:


> I have a theory that men post more in the Ladies Lounge than women post in the Men's Clubhouse because men act like they want to know what women think (they really don't; they're looking for land-mines & ammo) and women don't really give a crap about what men think.


I'll respect your theory. It's certainly your right to espouse anything you so desire.

I'm a woman. I don't share your theory. I mean, I *REALLY* don't share your theory.


----------



## musicftw07

Red Sonja said:


> Yes, because it's handy for comforting a screaming kid or getting away from the breast-feeding-is-offensive crowd.


I honestly can't comprehend how some people can be offended by breast feeding. That's literally what they're for.

I first encountered public breast feeding as a young teenager. Didn't weird me out one bit. In fact I was grateful for it because the baby was crying for quite a while and was obviously hungry. It never once occurred to me to sexualize that experience, and I was one hell of a horny teenage boy.

If given a choice between listening to a screaming hungry infant or having an infant quietly nursing in my vicinity, I'll take the quiet nursing every single time.

As far as I'm concerned, ladies should be able to breast feed anywhere at any time. The milk must flow.


----------



## EleGirl

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Of course not. You have a chair, or couch where our urinals would be. Other that that its probably the same.


I've been in a lot of lady's bathroom over the years and very few have a chair or couch. Most are crammed with a small number of stalls.



TheDudeLebowski said:


> And cleaner? Lol. Please girl. Lets not pretend womens restrooms are cleaner than men's restrooms. If fitting rooms are any indication, I would bet $$$ if the men's restroom is dirty, the woman's is equal to, if not worse than the mens restroom in that same establishment.


The men's restrooms I've been in have been pretty disgusting for the most part. Few women restroom that I have been in have been that dirty.



TheDudeLebowski said:


> Fitting rooms where women piss on the floors, leave dirty diapers, used tampons, and god knows what else behind. Ask anyone who works at a JC penny's, or Khols or similar what those fitting rooms are like. Ask them if they would rather clean the mens fitting rooms or the womens.


I've also been in a lot of women's dressing rooms. I've never seen any of that in the rooms. 




TheDudeLebowski said:


> I'm not saying we men are better. I'm saying women are equally disgusting.


LOL


----------



## Andy1001

This is the ladies bathroom in an Irish bar called “Shoot the crows”.


----------



## EleGirl

LOL... this thread proves the OP's point. About twice as many men on this thread with twice as many posts.


----------



## 269370

EleGirl said:


> LOL... this thread proves the OP's point. About twice as many men on this thread with twice as many posts.




My posts don’t count; they are light in substance.


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----------



## Blondilocks

Cletus said:


> With the full knowledge that this is probably a really bad idea...
> 
> I read a lot of your posts as having an enormous chip on your shoulder against men.
> 
> Do I read you wrong?


I've noticed over the years that you have made that statement to a number of women, here.


----------



## In Absentia

EleGirl said:


> LOL... this thread proves the OP's point. About twice as many men on this thread with twice as many posts.


I'm a man... :smile2: But maybe more men specify their sex in their profile? Surely, this snapshot must be based on that?


----------



## NobodySpecial

EleGirl said:


> Oh good Lord. Do you really think that photo represents what women's bathrooms look like? They don't.
> 
> The woman's bathroom usually looks just like the men's bathroom, just usually a cleaner.


How would you know?


----------



## PigglyWiggly

NobodySpecial said:


> How would you know?


Anyone who has cleaned restrooms as part of their job will tell you that the women's restroom is usually nastier than the men's. Look it up.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Blondilocks said:


> I've noticed over the years that you have made that statement to a number of women, here.


I don't think Cletus has ever said this to me. But I have been told I am a man hater many, many times.


----------



## NobodySpecial

EleGirl said:


> I've been in a lot of lady's bathroom over the years and very few have a chair or couch. Most are crammed with a small number of stalls.


Back in the day, I got a lot of angry why don't you breastfeed in the bathroom!! Isn't that why they have lounges in there?? Dude, this is a Friendly's. You think they have LOUNGES?


----------



## Andy1001

NobodySpecial said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> I've been in a lot of lady's bathroom over the years and very few have a chair or couch. Most are crammed with a small number of stalls.
> 
> 
> 
> Back in the day, I got a lot of angry why don't you breastfeed in the bathroom!! Isn't that why they have lounges in there?? Dude, this is a Friendly's. You think they have LOUNGES?
Click to expand...

You ladies are disillusioning a lot of men who think your restrooms are an oasis of comfort. 
If ladies restrooms are as nasty as men’s then may I please ask a question. 
What do you do in there that takes so long and why do groups of ladies go in together?


----------



## 269370

Andy1001 said:


> You ladies are disillusioning a lot of men who think your restrooms are an oasis of comfort.
> If ladies restrooms are as nasty as men’s then may I please ask a question.
> What do you do in there that takes so long and why do groups of ladies go in together?



To breastfeed each other? They don’t eat a lot in restaurants so that’s where I thought the calories come from.


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----------



## NobodySpecial

Andy1001 said:


> You ladies are disillusioning a lot of men who think your restrooms are an oasis of comfort.
> If ladies restrooms are as nasty as men’s then may I please ask a question.
> What do you do in there that takes so long and why do groups of ladies go in together?


Where did you get the idea that we think men's bathrooms are an oasis of comfort? I, personally, made not one comment about men's bathrooms. I have used them. I don't wait for a single use ladies room when a single use men's room is available. I have had my husband check to make sure I was not bothering other men to use a multi use one. I am a speed peer given how much practice I get.


----------



## 269370

NobodySpecial said:


> Where did you get the idea that we think men's bathrooms are an oasis of comfort? I, personally, made not one comment about men's bathrooms. I have used them. I don't wait for a single use ladies room when a single use men's room is available. I have had my husband check to make sure I was not bothering other men to use a multi use one. I am a speed peer given how much practice I get.



I think we still might need to continue working on that sense of humour.
He was talking about ladies’ bathrooms. 


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----------



## personofinterest

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Buddy400 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm rarely aware of what forum a thread is in (I usually just notice things in 'Recent Discussions').
> 
> I haven't read all the posts and I'm not sure if this is actually seen as a problem.
> 
> If it is, let me know and I'll check more carefully before posting.
> 
> 
> 
> I agree. If the ladies really want us out of that sub forum, then I will no longer post here. We can move questions specifically for the opposite sex to the general forum or off topic if its not really about relationship advice. But more about ball sacks or whatever.
Click to expand...

 I for one don't want man to leave the women's sub forum. Sometimes the questions asked here are asking for a man's perspective. What I would like men, and I used the word man as in grown up, to do is to use the brains I know they have. Don't come and stirring the pot and then backpedaling and saying it's a joke. You know what is going to set most women off and push their buttons, so use your brain and don't do it. It's not that hard. Its basic elementary school etiquette and behavior.


----------



## Andy1001

NobodySpecial said:


> Where did you get the idea that we think men's bathrooms are an oasis of comfort? I, personally, made not one comment about men's bathrooms. I have used them. I don't wait for a single use ladies room when a single use men's room is available. I have had my husband check to make sure I was not bothering other men to use a multi use one. I am a speed peer given how much practice I get.


What happened to “Girls are made from sugar and spice and all things nice”.
You’ll be telling me next that women fart.


----------



## personofinterest

Women do not fart, we have the vapors. We also do not swift, we glisten.


----------



## Andy1001

personofinterest said:


> Women do not fart, we have the vapors. We also do not swift, we glisten.


Pigs sweat.
Men perspire.
Women merely glow.
I’ve been told.


----------



## EllisRedding

IIRC, this exact conversation was had a while back about why men are allowed to post in the LL and why women were allowed to post in the Clubhouse. It was even suggested as trying to lock down each group where you could only access the appropriate section based on the gender you set up with your profile... Guess it is time to start up the conversation again...

IDK, I have never had an issue with ladies posting in the clubhouse, and can think of several ladies in general on TAM that I very much enjoy chatting with. If you want gender exclusivity, start a private chat...

Anyhow, there are apparently thousands of genders so it would be a lot of work for TAM to update to truly be "gender" exclusive ...










I will admit thought, this is probably my favorite gender...


----------



## NobodySpecial

Personally, I have no desire to stop anyone from doing anything. I certainly don't want a police force on a public forum. I was just curious what people thought about the dialog in TAM, ladies lounge in particular. Now I know. Thanks.


----------



## Cletus

Blondilocks said:


> I've noticed over the years that you have made that statement to a number of women, here.


That's not an answer to my question. 

Perhaps there are a number of women here who warrant that question, though on quick notice I can only recount one other who no longer posts here whom I believed fit that description. 

I ask it here as a question rather than hurl it as an accusation on the premise that I might well be wrong. Perhaps you simply have a caustic wit and I've missed it. 

Nonetheless, it is my perception. Am I wrong?


----------



## Fozzy

EleGirl said:


> Oh good Lord. Do you really think that photo represents what women's bathrooms look like? They don't.
> 
> *The woman's bathroom usually looks just like the men's bathroom, just usually a cleaner*.


As someone who's cleaned restrooms in more than one establishment, this has not been my experience. Women's rooms were always a horror show.

Also, as someone living with four females in my home, I can only imagine that keeping a rhinocerous with irritable bowel syndrome in your bathroom could make it any worse.


----------



## Andy1001

Fozzy said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> Oh good Lord. Do you really think that photo represents what women's bathrooms look like? They don't.
> 
> *The woman's bathroom usually looks just like the men's bathroom, just usually a cleaner*.
> 
> 
> 
> As someone who's cleaned restrooms in more than one establishment, this has not been my experience. Women's rooms were always a horror show.
> 
> Also, as someone living with four females in my home, I can only imagine that keeping a rhinocerous with irritable bowel syndrome in your bathroom could make it any worse.
Click to expand...

A guy that I know cleans women’s restrooms too. 
It’s not his job,more of a hobby.


----------



## Cletus

NobodySpecial said:


> I don't think Cletus has ever said this to me. But I have been told I am a man hater many, many times.


Really? I haven't noticed any such thing. Maybe my detector is broken?


----------



## personofinterest

Fozzy said:


> As someone who's cleaned restrooms in more than one establishment, this has not been my experience. Women's rooms were always a horror show.
> 
> Also, as someone living with four females in my home, I can only imagine that keeping a rhinocerous with irritable bowel syndrome in your bathroom could make it any worse.


Yep. Because some women never learned that feminine products are TRASH, not toilet paper or art to display on the back of the toilet. Also those paranoid little old ladies who don't want to sit "because of germs" but have no problem leaving all those drops for the rest of us to accidentally sit on.

When I was 6 months pregnant, I needed to go potty on a road trip. My then hubby stopped at a gas station, and the women's restroom was so bad I told him we had to go somewhere else. He tried the men's - except for the gross urinal, everything else was much cleaner.


----------



## EllisRedding

Glad to see I turned this thread into a conversation about female bathrooms lol


----------



## FieryHairedLady

I like seeing male and female perspectives in both forums. As long as it's respectful.

If I take a peek in the mens clubhouse and there is some crazy stuff going on, I just ignore. 

Kind of like that guy asking how to hook up for casual sex? If it was in another forum, I maybe would of told him what I thought about his question, but seeing it was in the clubhouse, I just let it go.


----------



## EleGirl

In Absentia said:


> I'm a man... :smile2: But maybe more men specify their sex in their profile? Surely, this snapshot must be based on that?


No, that snapshot is not based on people not specifying their sex in the their profile. If you notice there are only male/female in that snapshot and no column for unknown.

I know the sex of each of the people who posted up to the point of that snapshot. They are all long-time posters.

The fact is that generally men post about twice as much as women in this forum... the Lady's Lounge.


----------



## EleGirl

So, why is it that more men post in the Lady's Lounge than woman do?

Is it that men just feel that the need to come here and mansplain and make sure the women know what's what?

Or could it be that these guys just want to be women and posting here gives them a chance to try it out?

Just wondering???


----------



## 269370

EleGirl said:


> So, why is it that more men post in the Lady's Lounge than woman do?
> 
> 
> 
> Is it that men just feel that the need to come here and mansplain and make sure the women know what's what?
> 
> 
> 
> Or could it be that these guys just want to be women and posting here gives them a chance to try it out?
> 
> 
> 
> Just wondering???




Yep, that’s what it is, you got it! (Typing it in a tight bra and panties 🤨


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 269370

EleGirl said:


> No, that snapshot is not based on people not specifying their sex in the their profile. If you notice there are only male/female in that snapshot and no column for unknown.
> 
> 
> 
> I know the sex of each of the people who posted up to the point of that snapshot. They are all long-time posters.
> 
> 
> 
> The fact is that generally men post about twice as much as women in this forum... the Lady's Lounge.




Shouldn’t you count individual posters and not individual posts? Also you should take other threads and not this one. This thread is addressed to men.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl

inmyprime said:


> Shouldn’t you count individual posters and not individual posts?


I did both. Did you not catch that?


----------



## 269370

EleGirl said:


> I did both. Did you not catch that?




Yes but for other threads. This thread is addressed to men. Of course you will have more men replying (especially if they have confirmation that it rubs feminists the wrong way...).
Do you have data for all the threads in aggregate? Or perhaps a few other threads? (To do with female stuff).

It’s a bit disingenuous to pick this thread. Women are actually talking about men in this thread. You can’t really do that AND not have men replying.

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----------



## 269370

EleGirl said:


> I did both. Did you not catch that?




How about the Kegel thread?

2 men versus 15 women. I would mansplain my opinion but my expertise in this area makes me way over-qualified for this... 


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----------



## EleGirl

inmyprime said:


> How about the Kegel thread?
> 
> 2 men versus 15 women. I would mansplain my opinion but my expertise in this area makes me way over-qualified for this...


You don't have to be shy about it. So tell us, do you us a Kegel weight? Inquiring minds want to know. >


----------



## EleGirl

inmyprime said:


> Yes but for other threads. This thread is addressed to men. Of course you will have more men replying (especially if they have confirmation that it rubs feminists the wrong way...).


This thread is not addressed to men. 



inmyprime said:


> Do you have data for all the threads in aggregate? Or perhaps a few other threads? (To do with female stuff).


I have counted in the past, but today I did not keep those counts. Maybe I'll write some software to the analysis. That is if I have the time.



inmyprime said:


> It’s a bit disingenuous to pick this thread. Women are actually talking about men in this thread. You can’t really do that AND not have men replying.


Really? Women cannot talk about men without men having to chime in? Where is it written (besides in your post) that women cannot talk about men without men being part of the discussion. Plus, this thread has become more about men talking about women since men are posting here at a rate twice that of women posting. Maybe the point is that it's all about men, even when it's supposed to be all about women. :scratchhead:


----------



## 269370

EleGirl said:


> You don't have to be shy about it. So tell us, do you us a Kegel weight? Inquiring minds want to know. >



Of course. Been using them for years. I can clinch my ass so tight now, it can make diamonds!!   
The trick is: persistence, willpower and concentration. Then everything else in your life will fall into place, according to how you want it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 269370

EleGirl said:


> This thread is not addressed to men.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I have counted in the past, but today I did not keep those counts. Maybe I'll write some software to the analysis. That is if I have the time.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Really? Women cannot talk about men without men having to chime in? Where is it written (besides in your post) that women cannot talk about men without men being part of the discussion. Plus, this thread has become more about men talking about women since men are posting here at a rate twice that of women posting. Maybe the point is that it's all about men, even when it's supposed to be all about women. :scratchhead:




It’s not what I meant 
Women can talk about anything they like. I (and I’m sure every single man on this forum) would have absolutely no problem to have a rule that men are not allowed to participate in the LL (if any men disagree, please speak up).

As far as I’m aware there is no such rule??
I’m more than happy not to post here anymore if it will make womenz happier? I’m all for making womenz as happy as I can to the best of my abilities whether it’s making a joke or offering old-fashioned, condescending, manly words of sympathy. 🤪

But when I see a bunch of girls gathering in the middle of the playground talking about those evil boyz interfering with their Barbie games (especially when they make sure those boys can hear them loud and clear), it’s really difficult to ignore...Like someone holding a candy to my nose  


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----------



## EllisRedding

EleGirl said:


> I know the sex of each of the people who posted up to the point of that snapshot. They are all long-time posters.


Whoa ... did you just assume my gender :cussing::redcard:



EleGirl said:


> So, why is it that more men post in the Lady's Lounge than woman do?
> 
> Is it that men just feel that the need to come here and mansplain and make sure the women know what's what?
> 
> Or could it be that these guys just want to be women and posting here gives them a chance to try it out?
> 
> Just wondering???


I don't post often in the LL (I don't think). Just speaking for myself though, when I do log into TAM I go to the "Active Topic" sections and will click on a thread if it looks interesting. I don't check to see what sub section it is posted in, and I don't usually go directly into sub sections to see what topics are being discussed. I may also go into a thread based on who started it or who shows as having the last post (typically because I enjoy seeing what they have to say). I see enough female posters participate outside of the LL, so never felt like I had to go into the LL to get female insight.

Plus, anytime I try participating in the LL it always ends up the same way, I leave crying after being told repeatedly I have a small peen :crying:


----------



## personofinterest

Just so it's clear from here on out you should all know that I identify as an all-powerful fairy mage with the ability to fly.

Be be sensitive and refer to me as Your Magicalness


----------



## musicftw07

EleGirl said:


> Plus, this thread has become more about men talking about women since men are posting here at a rate twice that of women posting. Maybe the point is that it's all about men, even when it's supposed to be all about women. :scratchhead:


That data isn't meaningful without context as to what drives it.

One must have enough interest in the subject matter to be motivated enough to choose to participate in any given thread. Otherwise they wouldn't bother clicking the reply button and writing a response.

So my question is, why aren't more women motivated enough to participate?

Without more data, any conclusion drawn at this point is based purely on biased speculation.


----------



## personofinterest

Come on people, don't you know you can't hypothesize without fully following the scientific method and having a PhD research assistant and controlling for all variables????


----------



## GettingIt_2

Girl here. 

Just reading to enjoy the rapier wit. I happen to think the men of TAM are some of the funniest I've ever encountered. There are funny women here, too, but for me the men win the ham fest. I admit to rather enjoying their pot stirring, at least some of the time. 

TAM appeals to me because there are so many men who post. I like to see what makes them tick. There have been very few that I've thought were really bad apples. I'd have less interest in a site that was mostly women.


----------



## musicftw07

personofinterest said:


> Come on people, don't you know you can't hypothesize without fully following the scientific method and having a PhD research assistant and controlling for all variables????


The definition of a hypothesis requires further investigation.

hy·poth·e·sis
hīˈpäTHəsəs/Submit
noun
a supposition or proposed explanation made on the basis of limited evidence as a starting point for further investigation.

I'm advocating for further investigation.

If further investigation is impossible, then the hypothesis remains a supposition and can be dismissed as such.


----------



## personofinterest

LOL

I was being a smart aleck. Last week someone had a duck because a casual poll about sex wasn't scientific enough. This is a forum, not the Journal of Research in ________. I assume most people here have lives and jobs and don't have grant funding and time to do some full statistical analysis of posting.

Maybe a special brownie would help.....


----------



## musicftw07

personofinterest said:


> LOL
> 
> I was being a smart aleck. Last week someone had a duck because a casual poll about sex wasn't scientific enough. This is a forum, not the Journal of Research in ________. I assume most people here have lives and jobs and don't have grant funding and time to do some full statistical analysis of posting.
> 
> Maybe a special brownie would help.....


Oh gosh. My bad!

Thanks for clarifying. Sometimes I have a little bit of Sheldon Cooper and have difficulty with distinguishing sarcasm. (Yes, a sign really would help!)

I've been doing data analytics for years. Whenever data gets brought up I tend to put on that hat and go to town.

Actually yes, a special brownie WOULD help...! 😁


----------



## personofinterest

If you find special brownies.....please send me one.....

Or 5


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

personofinterest said:


> Just so it's clear from here on out you should all know that I identify as an all-powerful fairy mage with the ability to fly.
> 
> Be be sensitive and refer to me as Your Magicalness


Whether straight or sarcastic, factual or fanciful, nurturing or tough love, your slew of recent posts have done wonders for a few of these threads. Really, you're on a hot streak regardless of topic or approach. Glad I'm able to keep in touch today.


----------



## personofinterest

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Whether straight or sarcastic, factual or fanciful, nurturing or tough love, your slew of recent posts have done wonders for a few of these threads. Really, you're on a hot streak regardless of topic or approach. Glad I'm able to keep in touch today.


Thanks, but I am still way too much of a mean smart aleck. I get better, and then I knee-jerk somewhere and mess it all up.

But I'm trying....


----------



## PigglyWiggly

In my experience, /s denotes sarcasm on the interwebz.


----------



## Blondilocks

EleGirl said:


> So, why is it that more men post in the Lady's Lounge than woman do?
> 
> Is it that men just feel that the need to come here and mansplain and make sure the women know what's what?
> 
> Or could it be that these guys just want to be women and posting here gives them a chance to try it out?
> 
> Just wondering???


I think what they are doing is called peacocking.


----------



## EleGirl

EllisRedding said:


> Whoa ... did you just assume my gender :cussing::redcard:


Aw... feeling hurt .. :crying:




EllisRedding said:


> I don't post often in the LL (I don't think). Just speaking for myself though, when I do log into TAM I go to the "Active Topic" sections and will click on a thread if it looks interesting. I don't check to see what sub section it is posted in, and I don't usually go directly into sub sections to see what topics are being discussed. I may also go into a thread based on who started it or who shows as having the last post (typically because I enjoy seeing what they have to say). I see enough female posters participate outside of the LL, so never felt like I had to go into the LL to get female insight.


I use the "New Posts", but do the same thing. I seldom pay attention to the forum I'm posting in. 



EllisRedding said:


> Plus, anytime I try participating in the LL it always ends up the same way, I leave crying after being told repeatedly I have a small peen :crying:


:crying: Those girlz are just meaniez.


----------



## EleGirl

personofinterest said:


> LOL
> 
> I was being a smart aleck. Last week someone had a duck because a casual poll about sex wasn't scientific enough. This is a forum, not the Journal of Research in ________. I assume most people here have lives and jobs and don't have grant funding and time to do some full statistical analysis of posting.
> 
> Maybe a special brownie would help.....


For this kind of research a lot of special brownies would help. It all happens in a very special space.


----------



## EleGirl

PigglyWiggly said:


> In my experience, /s denotes sarcasm on the interwebz.


Let me help you out here. You need a box of those special brownies. Then you will come to realize that most of this thread is not /s but /h or /pyl

Except of course @inmyprime finally admitting that he’s wearing his tight bra and panties. He was clearly being /serious when he admitted that.


----------



## 269370

Blondilocks said:


> I think what they are doing is called peacocking.



I read ‘peecooking’ and thought I was in your dinner thread for a second.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## PigglyWiggly

EleGirl said:


> Let me help you out here. You need a box of those special brownies. Then you will come to realize that most of this thread is not /s but /h or /pyl
> 
> Except of course @inmyprime finally admitting that *he’s wearing his tight bra and panties*. He was clearly being /serious when he admitted that.


I have an ounce of a Sativa hybrid.....no need for brownies 


Pics of gtfo


----------



## 269370

GettingIt_2 said:


> I like to see what makes them tick.



I’m here for the same reason - trying to figure out what makes women tick / interested in human nature and hoping one day I can ‘solve’ the biggest puzzle: my wife. She’s a bit of a mystery.
But more and more I realise perhaps I shouldn’t be digging; there’s no guarantee I will like what I find.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370

personofinterest said:


> Thanks, but I am still way too much of a mean smart aleck. I get better, and then I knee-jerk somewhere and mess it all up.
> 
> 
> 
> But I'm trying....



No you should keep at it. To make it more fun, I just need to pretend more often that I’m wearing a tight leather outfit and getting my ass thoroughly whipped from being disrespectful towards Christian sex. Problem is, I can only pretend to be a sub for so long. It’s natural for me to switch and ‘dom’ back at people. Which can cause a lot of clashes.
But in any case, I rarely take offence.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370

EleGirl said:


> Let me help you out here. You need a box of those special brownies. Then you will come to realize that most of this thread is not /s but /h or /pyl
> 
> 
> 
> Except of course @inmyprime finally admitting that he’s wearing his tight bra and panties. He was clearly being /serious when he admitted that.



I never lie about panties and bras. Bras before bros and hoes. I try to fit in here. It’s difficult, being from an island full of repressed sexual maniacs with weird habits.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl

inmyprime said:


> I never lie about panties and bras. Bras before bros and hoes. I try to fit in here. It’s difficult, being from an island full of repressed sexual maniacs with weird habits.


Shhhh, MattMatt might hear you.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

personofinterest said:


> Thanks, but I am still way too much of a mean smart aleck. I get better, and then I knee-jerk somewhere and mess it all up.
> 
> But I'm trying....


I imagine you and me can get into some epic back and forth arguments. We should try it some time. And tell the mods to just let it play out and we aren't angry or mad. 

Tell me, do you secretly enjoy it also? The heated back and forth. A few personal attacks thrown in. If you get hit with a good one, do you not also laugh about it like I do? Almost wishing for someone to give you the verbal choke slam? Or am I the only masochist on these boards? Seeking some sort of evil sounding back and forth, where in the end I just laugh and have absolutely no hard feelings towards that individual who put a finishing move on me? 

Maybe it's just me. I'm not trying to troll for trolling sakes, but the women who are here fascinate me. I like a good battle with a strong opinionated woman who isnt apologetic for who she is and will gladly engage into battle with TheDude. Often winning, sometimes losing. But never scared of the battle. Even when both sides might stoop to saying things they dont really believe just to get in a combo shot on each other. 

I feel like there is a few of you out there. FW fights fair. Shes always above the belt. I like a girl who will get a little dirty. Throw in some questionable body shots, a little below the belt, but its a close call so the ref doesn't say anything. Give an elbow in to the head a little while leaning on me in the corner. One or two shots after the bell has rung. Just fight a little dirty. Not too dirty, but sneak in some shots when the ref isn't looking, or that you won't get a penalty for. 

Anyway, this is how I see you PoI. A real warrior type. Who wants to fight fair, but when the ref has a bad angle, and I'm up against the ropes, you have no problem landing a few elbows to the head. 

Maybe I got you pegged wrong.


----------



## NobodySpecial

EleGirl said:


> This thread is not addressed to men.
> 
> 
> 
> I have counted in the past, but today I did not keep those counts. Maybe I'll write some software to the analysis. That is if I have the time.
> 
> 
> 
> Really? Women cannot talk about men without men having to chime in? Where is it written (besides in your post) that women cannot talk about men without men being part of the discussion. Plus, this thread has become more about men talking about women since men are posting here at a rate twice that of women posting. Maybe the point is that it's all about men, even when it's supposed to be all about women. :scratchhead:


What I find really interesting is that TAM in general has a population of people that I don't come across much in RL. Well, the women yah I know women whose PoV I can relate to as I think my friends and acquaintances could. But most of the men not so much.


----------



## NobodySpecial

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I imagine you and me can get into some epic back and forth arguments. We should try it some time. And tell the mods to just let it play out and we aren't angry or mad.
> 
> Tell me, do you secretly enjoy it also? The heated back and forth. A few personal attacks thrown in. If you get hit with a good one, do you not also laugh about it like I do? Almost wishing for someone to give you the verbal choke slam? Or am I the only masochist on these boards? Seeking some sort of evil sounding back and forth, where in the end I just laugh and have absolutely no hard feelings towards that individual who put a finishing move on me?
> 
> Maybe it's just me. I'm not trying to troll for trolling sakes, but the women who are here fascinate me. I like a good battle with a strong opinionated woman who isnt apologetic for who she is and will gladly engage into battle with TheDude. Often winning, sometimes losing. But never scared of the battle. Even when both sides might stoop to saying things they dont really believe just to get in a combo shot on each other.
> 
> I feel like there is a few of you out there. FW fights fair. Shes always above the belt. I like a girl who will get a little dirty. Throw in some questionable body shots, a little below the belt, but its a close call so the ref doesn't say anything. Give an elbow in to the head a little while leaning on me in the corner. One or two shots after the bell has rung. Just fight a little dirty. Not too dirty, but sneak in some shots when the ref isn't looking, or that you won't get a penalty for.
> 
> Anyway, this is how I see you PoI. A real warrior type. Who wants to fight fair, but when the ref has a bad angle, and I'm up against the ropes, you have no problem landing a few elbows to the head.
> 
> Maybe I got you pegged wrong.



LOL. I know you are not talking to me. I like a heated discussion in RL. My friends fear me.  But here people think I am upset or mad when I just left to go get coffee or something while thinking about the next thing I have to do, and I wonder.... THIS is what upset looks like to you???


----------



## PigglyWiggly

NobodySpecial said:


> What I find really interesting is that TAM in general has a population of people that I don't come across much in RL. Well, the women yah I know women whose PoV I can relate to as I think my friends and acquaintances could. But most of the men not so much.


Hmmm that's very interesting. Can you elaborate on men here vs your RL?


----------



## personofinterest

TheDudeLebowski said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks, but I am still way too much of a mean smart aleck. I get better, and then I knee-jerk somewhere and mess it all up.
> 
> But I'm trying....
> 
> 
> 
> I imagine you and me can get into some epic back and forth arguments. We should try it some time. And tell the mods to just let it play out and we aren't angry or mad.
> 
> Tell me, do you secretly enjoy it also? The heated back and forth. A few personal attacks thrown in. If you get hit with a good one, do you not also laugh about it like I do? Almost wishing for someone to give you the verbal choke slam? Or am I the only masochist on these boards? Seeking some sort of evil sounding back and forth, where in the end I just laugh and have absolutely no hard feelings towards that individual who put a finishing move on me?
> 
> Maybe it's just me. I'm not trying to troll for trolling sakes, but the women who are here fascinate me. I like a good battle with a strong opinionated woman who isnt apologetic for who she is and will gladly engage into battle with TheDude. Often winning, sometimes losing. But never scared of the battle. Even when both sides might stoop to saying things they dont really believe just to get in a combo shot on each other.
> 
> I feel like there is a few of you out there. FW fights fair. Shes always above the belt. I like a girl who will get a little dirty. Throw in some questionable body shots, a little below the belt, but its a close call so the ref doesn't say anything. Give an elbow in to the head a little while leaning on me in the corner. One or two shots after the bell has rung. Just fight a little dirty. Not too dirty, but sneak in some shots when the ref isn't looking, or that you won't get a penalty for.
> 
> Anyway, this is how I see you PoI. A real warrior type. Who wants to fight fair, but when the ref has a bad angle, and I'm up against the ropes, you have no problem landing a few elbows to the head.
> 
> Maybe I got you pegged wrong.
Click to expand...

I sincerely WANT to be a sweet girl - I used to be.

But....I admit I love a good zing. I also love a good gotcha. I like flexing both sarcasm and intellect simultaneously. If I smell RedPill/Reddit/PUA/every woman mustpayformyexwifessins on a man....I just WANT to pick on him lol.

But I only stay annoyed for a little while, and then I'm fine. I do like a man who can keep up.

Now, women....that's different. I have a hard time shaking off a smitty woman, especially if she hates sex or is a man-hater.


----------



## Blondilocks

inmyprime said:


> It’s not what I meant
> Women can talk about anything they like. I (and I’m sure every single man on this forum) would have absolutely no problem to have a rule that men are not allowed to participate in the LL (if any men disagree, please speak up).
> 
> As far as I’m aware there is no such rule??
> I’m more than happy not to post here anymore if it will make womenz happier? I’m all for making womenz as happy as I can to the best of my abilities whether it’s making a joke or offering old-fashioned, condescending, manly words of sympathy. 🤪
> 
> But when I see a bunch of girls gathering in the middle of the playground talking about those evil boyz interfering with their Barbie games (especially when they make sure those boys can hear them loud and clear), it’s really difficult to ignore...Like someone holding a candy to my nose
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


What you and some other men are failing to understand, is that by taking over this thread you have answered affirmatively the question: Is TAM male-centric? Kinda funny if you think about it.

A prime example of 'male-centric' would be Tomara's thread where she is grieving the death of her mother and her father is mad because she won't help him set up a dating profile. Some male members made her out to be a cruel, heartless daughter for not helping poor ol' dad out. They ignored the fact that she has a right to grieve in her time-frame. It was all about 'daddy'. Some of those posts were deleted.

So, yeah, it does come across at times as if it's all about men all of the time. Where is the compassion for women?


----------



## PigglyWiggly

personofinterest said:


> I sincerely WANT to be a sweet girl - I used to be.
> 
> But....I admit I love a good zing. I also love a good gotcha. I like flexing both sarcasm and intellect simultaneously. If I smell RedPill/Reddit/PUA/every woman mustpayformyexwifessins on a man....I just WANT to pick on him lol.
> 
> But I only stay annoyed for a little while, and then I'm fine. I do like a man who can keep up.
> 
> Now, women....that's different. I have a hard time shaking off a smitty woman, especially if she hates sex or is a man-hater.


It seems like those two wants contradict each other. What is the payoff that feeds the latter want if you don't mind me asking?


----------



## personofinterest

"It seems like those two wants contradict each other. What is the payoff that feeds the latter want if you don't mind me asking?"

I have some pretty deep anger over some wrongs that I'll never get "justice" for, and I lash out on the same type of medium in which they occured. Its illogical and not entirely healthy. But sadly, it's the raw truth. I never got to say what I wanted to X and Y orgo after Z for stalking, so when I feel a similar trigger or sense a similar personality, I get ugly.

I know. I have to let this desire for those people to "pay" go.

I just cant seem to. I've never in my life hated. But I do hate them. I HATE them. 😞
Wow, sorry. I basically.killed the humor vibe.


----------



## Cletus

Blondilocks said:


> So, yeah, it does come across at times as if it's all about men all of the time. Where is the compassion for women?


But that thread wasn't about men vs. women. 

I would have had the same reaction to a male child of an older woman under those same circumstances, and my compassion would have been for the woman. To paint it as a gender issue is to misunderstand the underlying argument.

Do you intend to take the women who took the (apparently) wrong side of that argument to task for their lack of compassion too? 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


----------



## PigglyWiggly

personofinterest said:


> "It seems like those two wants contradict each other. What is the payoff that feeds the latter want if you don't mind me asking?"
> 
> I have some pretty deep anger over some wrongs that I'll never get "justice" for, and I lash out on the same type of medium in which they occured. Its illogical and not entirely healthy. But sadly, it's the raw truth. I never got to say what I wanted to X and Y orgo after Z for stalking, so when I feel a similar trigger or sense a similar personality, I get ugly.
> 
> I know. I have to let this desire for those people to "pay" go.
> 
> I just cant seem to. I've never in my life hated. But I do hate them. I HATE them. 😞
> Wow, sorry. I basically.killed the humor vibe.


That's very honest and giving of you to illuminate that vulnerability. There's that sweet girl coming out. 

Though I know embarrassingly little about Buddhism, I find many of the Dalai Lama teachings on compassion, empathy, and suffering to be very moving and helpful to me when it comes to controlling my own anger. Though all of that could be covered by Jesus' 2nd greatest commandment, I need it broken down to little pieces that are easier for me to apply when needed situationally. 

One such quote that is possibly erroneously attributed to Siddhārtha Gautama — 'You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.'

Thank you for sharing.


----------



## 269370

NobodySpecial said:


> What I find really interesting is that TAM in general has a population of people that I don't come across much in RL.



You mean we all have penises and we are allowed to have an opinion ? Is that the difference? I wonder what your real life is like. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Andy1001

personofinterest said:


> "It seems like those two wants contradict each other. What is the payoff that feeds the latter want if you don't mind me asking?"
> 
> I have some pretty deep anger over some wrongs that I'll never get "justice" for, and I lash out on the same type of medium in which they occured. Its illogical and not entirely healthy. But sadly, it's the raw truth. I never got to say what I wanted to X and Y orgo after Z for stalking, so when I feel a similar trigger or sense a similar personality, I get ugly.
> 
> I know. I have to let this desire for those people to "pay" go.
> 
> I just cant seem to. I've never in my life hated. But I do hate them. I HATE them. 😞
> Wow, sorry. I basically.killed the humor vibe.


Two things.
Don’t let these *******s live in your head,if you do then they win.
Don’t get mad,get even.


----------



## 269370

NobodySpecial said:


> LOL. I know you are not talking to me. I like a heated discussion in RL. My friends fear me.  But here people think I am upset or mad when I just left to go get coffee or something while thinking about the next thing I have to do, and I wonder.... THIS is what upset looks like to you???




It’s because of the medium (not the ghosts, the writing, rather than talking face to face), you get misunderstood more. I don’t think you are mad. You are funny and don’t really know it. Which is funny.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 269370

personofinterest said:


> I sincerely WANT to be a sweet girl - I used to be.
> 
> But....I admit I love a good zing. I also love a good gotcha. I like flexing both sarcasm and intellect simultaneously. If I smell RedPill/Reddit/PUA/every woman mustpayformyexwifessins on a man....I just WANT to pick on him lol.
> 
> But I only stay annoyed for a little while, and then I'm fine. I do like a man who can keep up.
> 
> Now, women....that's different. I have a hard time shaking off a smitty woman, especially if she hates sex or is a man-hater.




Do you prefer man-hating women, or women-eating men?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 269370

Blondilocks said:


> What you and some other men are failing to understand, is that by taking over this thread you have answered affirmatively the question: Is TAM male-centric? Kinda funny if you think about it.
> 
> 
> 
> A prime example of 'male-centric' would be Tomara's thread where she is grieving the death of her mother and her father is mad because she won't help him set up a dating profile. Some male members made her out to be a cruel, heartless daughter for not helping poor ol' dad out. They ignored the fact that she has a right to grieve in her time-frame. It was all about 'daddy'. Some of those posts were deleted.
> 
> 
> 
> So, yeah, it does come across at times as if it's all about men all of the time. Where is the compassion for women?




I don’t think this thread answers this or any question...Like I said, judge by other threads, that doesn’t speak to men / about men.
It’s one of those entrapment thread questions that are loaded: whether you answer it or not, you cannot win. So you might as well have a bit of fun with it.
There are some women who don’t mind men so much and others who want to fight them, any chance they get. 

As for the other thread...You must have not noticed Male replies with compassion? (Including mine). But either way, how do you know what’s the best advice for the person in question or what the situation REALLY is, objectively? It’s always just one side posting. 
Maybe they BOTH need compassion.

I do notice that the person posting usually gets the tough love treatment, but that applies to both genders and has nothing to do with “Male-centricity”.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## PigglyWiggly

Andy1001 said:


> Two things.
> Don’t let these *******s live in your head,if you do then they win.
> Don’t get mad,get even.


Get even. What does that mean in the context of someone who has caused you to suffer?


----------



## NobodySpecial

PigglyWiggly said:


> Hmmm that's very interesting. Can you elaborate on men here vs your RL?


Well I obviously don't note everyone on the board. But in general, I was going to say conservative. But that's not it. I have a few friends who are quite conservative. Roles and rules bound. There is a sense while admitting out of one side of their mouths that individuals are, well individuals, that the variations within the genders are pretty small in the operating parameters. Even among my conservative friends who would not choose liberal values for themselves, they don't see a war on men or a battle between the sexes, liberals are not evil and feminists are not devil spawn. A woman with an opinion is not a man hater. Hell they listen to women's opinions with an open mind. I have actually witnessed mansplaining in RL very rarely, and see it on here all the time. And OMG not everything means we think men are bad or that their bathrooms are cleaner than ours.


----------



## personofinterest

I think face to face and body language make a big difference. Plus, our flesh and blood friends' feelings might tend to matter more, so we take more care with how we say things? I dont know.


----------



## Blondilocks

inmyprime said:


> I don’t think this thread answers this or any question...Like I said, judge by other threads, that doesn’t speak to men / about men.
> It’s one of those entrapment thread questions that are loaded: whether you answer it or not, you cannot win. So you might as well have a bit of fun with it.
> There are some women who don’t mind men so much and others who want to fight them, any chance they get.
> 
> *As for the other thread...You must have not noticed Male replies with compassion? (Including mine). But either way, how do you know what’s the best advice for the person in question or what the situation REALLY is, objectively? It’s always just one side posting. *
> Maybe they BOTH need compassion.
> 
> I do notice that the person posting usually gets the tough love treatment, but that applies to both genders and has nothing to do with “Male-centricity”.
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I did notice the posts by males who displayed compassion - that is why I said 'some'. Maybe it was my American accent that confused you.:wink2: 

You're big on getting both sides of the story which is impossible unless both parties are here to post their sides. To take issue with the posting party merely because they are posting THEIR side is counterproductive. Deal with the situation at hand. You can only offer advice based on what is posted.

If you (general) want to know every gritty detail and want both parties to participate, perhaps it would be better if you didn't offer any advice since you don't, won't and can't possibly know all the details. That wouldn't make for much of a forum, though, would it?

FTR, I have no objection with whomever wishes to post wherever. Personally, I would sorely miss the contributions of many of the male members in the Ladies Lounge.


----------



## uhtred

Online discussions can tend to be very divisive because people can't always remember who said what. In order to simplify in their minds they group whole sets of responses together, then respond to that group. This can lead to bad polarization. On many issues, if men and women are posting there is a tendency to group the "men's opinions" together and the "women's opinions" together. 

Sometimes I just leave the discussions when its gotten too bad. The consent one was an example where someone replied to one of my posts assuming that I was supporting something very far from my views because some other man in the discussion had supported that point. (eg, not recognizing the difference between a disagreement on *goals* and a disagreement on *methods*.


----------



## Curse of Millhaven

Hello! I thought I’d throw my thoughts in here even though I rarely post and have no skin in this game since I tend to avoid the dramarama threads that devolve into men v. women/women v. men merry-go-round discussions. 

I kinda just wander in and out of TAM and its subforums wherever I fancy (like a cat!) and will post if I feel it’s relevant, helpful, or just because. Mostly I’m just silently watching and judging (like a cat!)…just kidding! (Kinda) 

Anyway, I can see why you would at times feel that TAM can be overbearingly male-centric in a negative way. When I’ve read some particularly vitriolic posts I feel like we’re in the beginning phases of “The Screwfly Solution”, but then I’ll see a kind, sweet post by another fella and I’ll remind myself not to focus on the few bitter rotten apples. 

And to be fair, I’ve read some pretty ****ty posts from the “fairer sex” here too, so you know, it evens out. It’s an equal opportunity world for *******s of which TAM is a microcosm.

And I love (and hate!) men and women pretty equally and do my best to listen to all opinions, whether they jibe with mine or not, and I endeavor to be mindful and respectful. It’s hard sometimes tho, cuz I can be a little evil (but with a deliciously sweet, soft, gooey center!) and am always fighting against my misanthropic tendencies. It’s all too easy for me to focus on the negative and view people as contemptible if I let myself, so I try to challenge myself to see the good in them so I won’t want to root for an extinction level event to wipe all these motherlovers out!

Anyway! I’m sensitive but it takes a lot to offend me and things I read here rarely get under my skin (porcelain with cast iron underlayment!) and I kinda have an unfortunate case of potty mouth and black humor, so not a lot fazes me. 

I read the thread I believe you’re alluding to in the men’s clubhouse and sadly, I’ve used all those words (and more!) to reference female genitalia, my own vaginasaurus, and even C U Next Tuesdays of the male variety. I don’t find a lot of attempts at blue comedy funny or gross, so I guess that’s why I’m able to read it, pass over it, move on, and not really care. 

And since I don’t really interact with a lot of people here or post much, I’ve not had much of an opportunity for people to condescend to me. Can’t say I’ve much experienced “mansplaining” much IRL either. I mean, oh sure one of my best male buds once tried to talk down to me about something, so I politely listened until he was finished and then I opened my mouth and the floodgates of hell were unleashed upon him as he cowered before me and acknowledged my superior demi-goddess status!!!!!!!!!!!1

Just kidding. (Kinda) I value my bud’s point of view and on some topics he absolutely knows more than me and I gladly listen as he breaks it down for me and vice versa. We kind of razz and **** talk each other a lot, so I have a high tolerance for his BS, no harm no foul. 

I think a lot of guys do this and I honestly think they don’t mean anything by it. Why get affronted when no true offense was intended? I remind myself that I’ll be happier and live longer in the end if I take this approach with people (don’t know if that’s a positive or negative tho!) Those that mean to insult me…well, I just werewolf out and eviscerate them. 

Lol I don’t know where I was going with all this. I guess I’m trying to say I like the coeducational nature of TAM, I don’t mind if the boys hop the fence and post here, and I value input from all genders. 

Like so many things in life, take what you need and leave the rest. We all have so much to learn from one another, no? I’m grateful for this crazy, rare, lovely mess and the people here who make it great.


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## 269370

Blondilocks said:


> I did notice the posts by males who displayed compassion - that is why I said 'some'. Maybe it was my American accent that confused you.:wink2:
> 
> 
> 
> You're big on getting both sides of the story which is impossible unless both parties are here to post their sides. To take issue with the posting party merely because they are posting THEIR side is counterproductive. Deal with the situation at hand. You can only offer advice based on what is posted.
> 
> 
> 
> If you (general) want to know every gritty detail and want both parties to participate, perhaps it would be better if you didn't offer any advice since you don't, won't and can't possibly know all the details. That wouldn't make for much of a forum, though, would it?
> 
> 
> 
> FTR, I have no objection with whomever wishes to post wherever. Personally, I would sorely miss the contributions of many of the male members in the Ladies Lounge.



I would miss you too  

I am fairly intuitive with people IRL. On forums, i think I can tell when they embellish stuff a bit to make a situation more compassion-worthy. But I have been wrong before (I think I read @emergingbuddhist’s situation wrong at the time).

It’s fairly obvious, using common sense: people who post their problem aren’t always necessarily the victims. And they often post because they need reinforcement in their conviction. What if their conviction and perception of the situation is wrong? Reinforcing their conviction will then actually do them a disservice.

Plus we have had two sides posting in the past. And it was illuminating how the whole thing completely changes; like a new dimension opens and the situation takes on a completely different perspective.

It’s tricky. I think at the end of the day people still do whatever the **** suits them, no matter what anyone says. What’s most helpful actually is not getting advice for your own ****, but see if you can identify with some of other people’s ****, gauge where it can get you (into even deeper ****) and it often changes your perspective on you own ****.
(For example, I now think less and less of myself as the centre of the universe...Difficult to believe I know!).


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## happiness27

So I flipped through every page of this thread and the irony is that it's mostly men. So, it doesn't really look like a place where women can just talk with women without men interjecting. I don't have a problem interacting with men but it would be nice if a thread started and the OP just wanted women feedback - or conversely if a men's thread just wanted men to feedback - that would be something that could happen.


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## EleGirl

happiness27 said:


> So I flipped through every page of this thread and the irony is that it's mostly men. So, it doesn't really look like a place where women can just talk with women without men interjecting. I don't have a problem interacting with men but it would be nice if a thread started and the OP just wanted women feedback - or conversely if a men's thread just wanted men to feedback - that would be something that could happen.


What a novel concept! :grin2:

This is the internet. We have no idea what gender anyone is really.


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## happiness27

EleGirl said:


> What a novel concept! :grin2:
> 
> This is the internet. We have no idea what gender anyone is really.


I guess I was referring to profiles where people do state their genders and then how they post, which gives away their gender. But, yeah, if people don't want to reveal their gender or their real, genuine thoughts, then I can see your point about not trusting the internet.


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## 269370

happiness27 said:


> So I flipped through every page of this thread and the irony is that it's mostly men. So, it doesn't really look like a place where women can just talk with women without men interjecting. I don't have a problem interacting with men but it would be nice if a thread started and the OP just wanted women feedback - or conversely if a men's thread just wanted men to feedback - that would be something that could happen.




Well this thread was started with the sole intention of bashing men so how can you expect men not to participate? 
If a thread was started and a request was made for men not to participate, I’m sure this would be respected.


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## happiness27

inmyprime said:


> happiness27 said:
> 
> 
> 
> So I flipped through every page of this thread and the irony is that it's mostly men. So, it doesn't really look like a place where women can just talk with women without men interjecting. I don't have a problem interacting with men but it would be nice if a thread started and the OP just wanted women feedback - or conversely if a men's thread just wanted men to feedback - that would be something that could happen.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well this thread was started with the sole intention of bashing men so how can you expect men not to participate?
> If a thread was started and a request was made for men not to participate, I’m sure this would be respected.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

I might test that premise sometime. I do think ladies need a space to voice their issues and get some feedback without getting overrun by crudeness. For a large part that probably wouldn't be possible on TAM, even in the ladies lounge. There's some good guys on here willing to have civil discussions that don't include personal attacks but there's also a population who don't know how to do that.


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## 269370

happiness27 said:


> I might test that premise sometime. I do think ladies need a space to voice their issues and get some feedback without getting overrun by crudeness. For a large part that probably wouldn't be possible on TAM, even in the ladies lounge. There's some good guys on here willing to have civil discussions that don't include personal attacks but there's also a population who don't know how to do that.



Are you saying that ‘crudeness’ is a male-specific issue? Or that women are less likely to attack you?


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## happiness27

inmyprime said:


> happiness27 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I might test that premise sometime. I do think ladies need a space to voice their issues and get some feedback without getting overrun by crudeness. For a large part that probably wouldn't be possible on TAM, even in the ladies lounge. There's some good guys on here willing to have civil discussions that don't include personal attacks but there's also a population who don't know how to do that.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Are you saying that ‘crudeness’ is a male-specific issue? Or that women are less likely to attack you?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

Haven't had any opportunities to banter with only women on TAM so I can't answer that. What are your thoughts on that. I'm pretty new to the forums. You might know more than me.


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## personofinterest

happiness27 said:


> inmyprime said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> happiness27 said:
> 
> 
> 
> So I flipped through every page of this thread and the irony is that it's mostly men. So, it doesn't really look like a place where women can just talk with women without men interjecting. I don't have a problem interacting with men but it would be nice if a thread started and the OP just wanted women feedback - or conversely if a men's thread just wanted men to feedback - that would be something that could happen.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well this thread was started with the sole intention of bashing men so how can you expect men not to participate?
> If a thread was started and a request was made for men not to participate, I’m sure this would be respected.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> I might test that premise sometime. I do think ladies need a space to voice their issues and get some feedback without getting overrun by crudeness. For a large part that probably wouldn't be possible on TAM, even in the ladies lounge. There's some good guys on here willing to have civil discussions that don't include personal attacks but there's also a population who don't know how to do that.
Click to expand...

 I have seen this too, but it definitely goes both ways. I can point to several specific threads where men have wanted to commiserate about their specific challenges, only to have a multitude of women come on the thread and tell them how it's all their fault, Or some weird feminism thing.


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## happiness27

personofinterest said:


> I have seen this too, but it definitely goes both ways. I can point to several specific threads where men have wanted to commiserate about their specific challenges, only to have a multitude of women come on the thread and tell them how it's all their fault, Or some weird feminism thing.


I think the inmyprime's suggestion of the OP stating up front that he/she only wants to hear from their gender on a certain topic is a good one. I think most people would respect that. Just asking "Would you like to hear from (opposite gender) point of view?" if the OP doesn't state up front, is also a way to do that. 

Feminism can be something that people use negatively these days - but feminism was something that allowed me to be heard and supported when I was in an emotionally abusive marriage and I am deeply grateful to the women who pointed out to me that I had a voice. It was an epiphany to me when a woman who was conversing with me at a gathering noted that when she asked me a question (I was 22) that my husband answered the question instead of letting me answer the question. I didn't notice this was happening until she turned to my husband and said, politely but firmly, "Excuse me, but I ask HER."

Feminism is what gave women the right to vote, the right to think beyond conservative gender roles, the right to explore her own sexuality and honor that. It's hard to remember or appreciate what women came from when women nowadays take their freedoms and rights for granted. It has not always been the case. In my first marriage, my only recourse to how my husband treated me with disregard for being a woman who loved sex and wanted more from life than being "barefoot and pregnant" - was to withdraw and cry. 

I became a fuller person when I was supported by other women who said that my sexuality was valid and my ambitions were within reach when I did the work to reach those goals. Slowly...slowly...over time, I came out of my shell and gained the strength to stand up for myself and stop feeling shame and helplessness. I divorced that guy who told me I was a **** for liking sex so much and found freedom to honor my own existence.


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## EllisRedding

EleGirl said:


> What a novel concept! :grin2:
> 
> This is the internet. We have no idea what gender anyone is really.


Curious Ele, do you know based on what people had stated in their profile, what the male/female ratio at TAM is (I guess you could add in the other 75+ genders as well to this lol)?


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## personofinterest

happiness27 said:


> I think the inmyprime's suggestion of the OP stating up front that he/she only wants to hear from their gender on a certain topic is a good one. I think most people would respect that. Just asking "Would you like to hear from (opposite gender) point of view?" if the OP doesn't state up front, is also a way to do that.
> 
> Feminism can be something that people use negatively these days - but feminism was something that allowed me to be heard and supported when I was in an emotionally abusive marriage and I am deeply grateful to the women who pointed out to me that I had a voice. It was an epiphany to me when a woman who was conversing with me at a gathering noted that when she asked me a question (I was 22) that my husband answered the question instead of letting me answer the question. I didn't notice this was happening until she turned to my husband and said, politely but firmly, "Excuse me, but I ask HER."
> 
> Feminism is what gave women the right to vote, the right to think beyond conservative gender roles, the right to explore her own sexuality and honor that. It's hard to remember or appreciate what women came from when women nowadays take their freedoms and rights for granted. It has not always been the case. In my first marriage, my only recourse to how my husband treated me with disregard for being a woman who loved sex and wanted more from life than being "barefoot and pregnant" - was to withdraw and cry.
> 
> I became a fuller person when I was supported by other women who said that my sexuality was valid and my ambitions were within reach when I did the work to reach those goals. Slowly...slowly...over time, I came out of my shell and gained the strength to stand up for myself and stop feeling shame and helplessness. I divorced that guy who told me I was a **** for liking sex so much and found freedom to honor my own existence.


I was referring to the misandrist angry third wave crazy feminism. The kind that would make Susan B Anthony roll over in her grave....

I almost clarified that when I used the word, but I am sometimes a beyotch so I wanted to see what would happen if I didnt go back and edit >>>>


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## 269370

happiness27 said:


> Haven't had any opportunities to banter with only women on TAM so I can't answer that. What are your thoughts on that. I'm pretty new to the forums. You might know more than me.



Yes, men are pretty ‘crude’ sometimes. Especially me. But it’s just banter...if you knew me in real life you’d be ‘disappointed’ how much restraint I need to show in my life. So I let loose here like a headless chicken 
(Some) women can be quite vicious too and stab you in the back when you least expect it.
But generally people are friendly. If you prefer to just talk to wimmins, I will shut up. Unless I have something funny to contribute...in which case put me on ignore!
But I usually get banned pretty quickly and regularly so either way, it don’t matter.


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## EleGirl

EllisRedding said:


> Curious Ele, do you know based on what people had stated in their profile, what the male/female ratio at TAM is (I guess you could add in the other 75+ genders as well to this lol)?


Most users do not indicate their gender, so we cannot tell from that.

I don't have the level of database access that would allow me to count how many users have indicated which gender. Wish I did, it would be interesting to know.

The other 75+ genders, your guess is as good as mine. :grin2:


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## happiness27

inmyprime said:


> Yes, men are pretty ‘crude’ sometimes. Especially me. But it’s just banter...if you knew me in real life you’d be ‘disappointed’ how much restraint I need to show in my life. So I let loose here like a headless chicken
> (Some) women can be quite vicious too and stab you in the back when you least expect it.
> But generally people are friendly. If you prefer to just talk to wimmins, I will shut up. Unless I have something funny to contribute...in which case put me on ignore!
> But I usually get banned pretty quickly and regularly so either way, it don’t matter.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


idk, I have a pretty short memory for insults if you've made any and I'm hard to offend. Yeah, there are some folks who get really pointedly mean but I keep reminding myself that this is a forum and it's hard to gauge the exact intent and inflection behind the words. Plus, you never totally know what a person has gone through or is going through.


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## 269370

happiness27 said:


> idk, I have a pretty short memory for insults if you've made any and I'm hard to offend. Yeah, there are some folks who get really pointedly mean but I keep reminding myself that this is a forum and it's hard to gauge the exact intent and inflection behind the words. Plus, you never totally know what a person has gone through or is going through.



I don’t usually insults (since insults aren’t funny). I make crude jokes (which some people get offended by or misunderstand). 



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## happiness27

inmyprime said:


> I don’t usually insults (since insults aren’t funny). I make crude jokes (which some people get offended by or misunderstand).
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Making jokes is such a risky proposition - they can easily tip one way or the other. Ask any comedian who has to face a silent house after a joke goes flat. Ugh.

My husband is known for his corny jokes. But, really, he has quite a bank of good ones. After 28 years, you'd think I'd have heard them all but he manages to come up with new ones anyway. 

Funny and offensive does seem to be a matter of timing and perception of an audience. A forum is a tough crowd.


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## happiness27

I keep looking for topics in the Ladies Lounge but a huge number of them are started by men...????


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## 269370

happiness27 said:


> I keep looking for topics in the Ladies Lounge but a huge number of them are started by men...????



Why don’t you be a lady and start one then? 


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## happiness27

inmyprime said:


> Why don’t you be a lady and start one then?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Stay in yo' lane, boy... :whip:

(wait...you'd probably like that...)


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