# BJs after marriage



## alex1992

Married for 8 together for 15 years. Kids, work.... My wife no will longer go down. I give her oral almost every time. Many friends (both males and females) have described similar things in their relationships. Is this as common as I think?


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## momof6girls

i am on the other side i give him and get well don't get.... i stopped giving him and now he complains i make hints that i would like to receive to and nothing.

i guess we get on different pages...?


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## alex1992

Thanks for the reply (momof6girls). It does get frustrating. Is it me? Is it her? What else is going on...


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## Crypsys

Have you simply sat down with her and in a calm tone when yall are NOT in the bedroom and discussed it with her? To find out WHY she doesn't want to do it?


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## Amplexor

25+ Years together and they're still on the menu!! :smthumbup:


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## Freak On a Leash

Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to give her oral sex?


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## boogdar

I know that a lot of the time, men have trouble finding the words, at least that's how my husband puts it.
But if you sat down with her and just told her exactly why it's important to you. Makes you feel loved, intimate, happy...etc.
It may sound corny, but talking about feelings is almost like sex for women...just sayin'


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## MysteriousFelinka

Yes, just ask your wife why she would not kiss you there - (maybe you made a comment about the quality of her BJ's or she thinks that you just do not wash that well these days, LOL)


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## MysteriousFelinka

> But if you sat down with her and just told her exactly why it's important to you. Makes you feel loved, intimate, happy...etc.
> It may sound corny, but talking about feelings is almost like sex for women...just sayin'


YES


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## Atholk

Just ask them point blank to their face whether or not they are willing to do this for you into the future. When they say "no" just say, "ok, thank you" and then walk away ending the conversation.

Let that run around in the little mouse wheel in their head...


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## amanda1959

very funny Atholk...but is this true intimacy or mind games?
just ask her? talk about it and tell her how much you need it!!!!
draw her in...ask what she needs from you..create intimacy by talking...


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## okeydokie

you owe it to yourself to find out why, you have to ask her because you have nothing to lose. there may be a very legitimate reason that you are unaware of. however, if you get a BS answer i would go with ATHOLK's idea


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## turnera

Honestly, it is NOT all that enjoyable for many women. In other words, they would only do it (as do I) just to please their spouse.

So you have to ask yourself, why does she no longer care enough about pleasing you? Is she getting everything she wants or needs in the marriage? Remember that SF is not typically one of a woman's top 5 needs, so what she wants or needs is often more like conversation, financial support, domestic support, honesty, attention...

If you aren't paying attention to those things that she cares about, then she will care less and less over the years about whether you get what YOU want.


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## elhi13

I would talk to her and ask her why? Some women don't like it or even like oral for themselves. I would do it outside of the bedroom. I have talked to my husband about oral and he is not interested but if I offered him a bj...oh my god, on ur knees, now! lol That's sometimes..or rarely...who knows anymore..good luck! Talk to her outside of the bedroom.


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## guy

My wife has rarely ever done it. Never to completion. I used to give it to her all the time since I enjoyed it, but over time, it seemed I was the only one that enjoyed it. For the most part nowadays, I only do it when I'm really turned on, but even that quickly fizzles since she doesn't get turned on.


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## citizen56

My wife used to give blow jobs all the time, but after the baby was born she stopped. I asked her why and she said she just doesn't want to.


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## confused2ndwife

MysteriousFelinka said:


> Yes, just ask your wife why she would not kiss you there - (maybe you made a comment about the quality of her BJ's or she thinks that you just do not wash that well these days, LOL)


This hit home for me... 

When I got pregnant, my super smell senses kicked in. One day, my husband commented that he wished that I wanted to give him more BJs because he enjoys receiving it. Finally, I had to tell him it's because I can smell every little smelly thing and just can't enjoy having to 'endure' the smell. I now try to surprise him with BJs when he gets out of shower.


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## turnera

Same with me. After pregnancy, your senses can really really change. The only time I can do it now is IN the shower, so the water's helping, too.


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## CH

My wife's answer to this question was simple. She won't give me anymore BJs cuz she kisses the kids and doesn't want the feeling that she's putting my manlyness on the kids faces when she kisses them :scratchhead:

BTW, when she 1st started doing it on me she was a novice, eventually she could suck the chrome off a bumper and I used to get a daily morning BJ alarm clock till the kids showed up so I guess she really means what she says.

Oh, how I miss that alarm clock sigh....


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## tattoomommy

I used to give them more often but lately I haven't because of the smell reason that was mentioned above. He doesn't shower daily like he used to and since having a baby my senses are even more sensitive than they used to be. Not to mention, he's really big and it honest to God hurts my jaws lol. He does get it as foreplay, but I don't finish him off with it like I used to. The only times recently that I've tried have been in the car and he can't get off while driving lol - I know, I know totally unsafe but I think it's awesome to give it that way.


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## MEM2020

We had been married for 5+ years - this was over 15 years ago - and one night in the middle of a very intense argument about sex my wife told me that I needed to be a lot more consistent in terms of cleanliness down there. 

I was mortified. Since then I always shower just before we connect. Always always always. And I do 3-5 thorough soap and rinse cycles. 

Since THAT is usually part of our foreplay - I just think it is selfish/lazy not to be super clean. 

She had never mentioned it before that night -   





tattoomommy said:


> I used to give them more often but lately I haven't because of the smell reason that was mentioned above. He doesn't shower daily like he used to and since having a baby my senses are even more sensitive than they used to be. Not to mention, he's really big and it honest to God hurts my jaws lol. He does get it as foreplay, but I don't finish him off with it like I used to. The only times recently that I've tried have been in the car and he can't get off while driving lol - I know, I know totally unsafe but I think it's awesome to give it that way.


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## MarkTwain

MEM11363 said:


> I was mortified. Since then I always shower just before we connect. Always always always. And I do 3-5 thorough soap and rinse cycles.


I was going to start a thread on this: Men with foreskins need to get busy with the soap  Most guys have no idea how it smells. It will take a few rinse and repeat cycles to get it squeaky clean, which is why you should not use too vicious a soap, or you're going to get rather sore!!!


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## Amplexor

MarkTwain said:


> you should not use too vicious a soap, or you're going to get rather sore!!!













OUCH!!!


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## Therealbrighteyes

Seriously guys? You want your wife to blow you after an entire day of walking around, man sweat, the restroom, etc? No wonder she is turned off! I have been married for 17 years. In those 17 there has not been a single time that EITHER of us hasn't showered before oral sex. Never. We have oral sex many many times a week and it has never been an issue with smell, ever. Shower and groom. Both of you.


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## MarkTwain

Amplexor said:


> OUCH!!!


At least that soap claims to have moisturisers in it - thank God for small mercies


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## BlueFire

Atholk said:


> Just ask them point blank to their face whether or not they are willing to do this for you into the future. When they say "no" just say, "ok, thank you" and then walk away ending the conversation.
> 
> *Let that run around in the little mouse wheel in their head...*


lol that's classic...




cheatinghubby said:


> She won't give me anymore BJs cuz she kisses the kids and doesn't want the feeling that she's putting my manlyness on the kids faces when she kisses them :scratchhead:


I call BS on that one. That's like a woman saying she never wants a penis inside her vagina because that's where she gets her period. Maybe you should tell her that you don't want to kiss her anymore because it feels like you're making out with your kids haha


About the hygiene issue: definitely wash your schlong before sex. Even if you don't have a physically demanding job, just the act of taking a leak a number of times a day will build up a smell. It's the same with a woman, you can smell it sometimes if you go down on her. Even if you don't have time for a shower, just dangle your bits over the bathroom sink and grab the soap


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## Amplexor

This thread reminds me of a cartoon I saw years ago. The happy bride and groom striding down the isle after the union. The groom's thought bubble is "Great, now I can get all the blow jobs I want." The bride's "Great, I'll never have to give another blow job."

Guess that really does apply to some here.


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## BuddyL33

My wife still gives BJs after 3 years together and a baby. However she never gives me a BJ with the intent of finishing me. She says I take too long. She will ask me for help or during sex as me to finish on her face or in her mouth, so I know she doesn't have an aversion to it. 

I just wish once in a while she would spend the time she needs to see it start to finish. I go down on her all the time. Sometimes I spend 20 minutes down on her and I LOVER EVERY SINGLE WET MINUTE OF IT. I don't once think, "man this sure is taking long." I wish I could get her interested and wanting to go for it at all costs.


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## Alwaysconfused

It's funny that when a relationship is developing sex is open and great. Each party gives and gets BJs. When u say "I do", one of the parties usually make it up in their mind that "I don't have to go there any more" which sucks. (excuse the pun)
I
F Bjs were ok and acceptable in the beginning it should be okay and acceptable in the middle of the marriage and also (If you have Viagra) throughout the marriage. 

I love the "Still on the menu" comment pretty funny Amplexor.


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## Kobo

Alwaysconfused said:


> It's funny that when a relationship is developing sex is open and great. Each party gives and gets BJs. When u say "I do", one of the parties usually make it up in their mind that "I don't have to go there any more" which sucks. (excuse the pun)
> I
> F Bjs were ok and acceptable in the beginning it should be okay and acceptable in the middle of the marriage and also (If you have Viagra) throughout the marriage.
> 
> I love the "Still on the menu" comment pretty funny Amplexor.


Exactly, it's used as a tool so that some partner can passively get something from the other partner. I've gotten two very good ones so far this week, I don't know how you guys go without it. I told my wife the secret to a good marriage is frequent and spontaneous BJs. If a man knows that at any giving moment you could be down there he's gonna see his way home quickly  I showed my wife an article that explains the joy of the BJ from a mans perspective:

Why Men Love Blow-jobs - The Feminine Woman - Rediscovering Femininity


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## spartan

Atholk said:


> Just ask them point blank to their face whether or not they are willing to do this for you into the future. When they say "no" just say, "ok, thank you" and then walk away ending the conversation.
> 
> Let that run around in the little mouse wheel in their head...


Atholk, going to have to try that tonight!!!:smthumbup:


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## jhef83

My wife quit pretty much when she quit smoking. You know what they say, If they'll stick a cigarette in their mouth they'll stick anything in there.:rofl: But yea I'd say it's normal. I thought about this happening early in my marriage and I thought No Way that will happen to us. But it did. I used to have sex till I couldn't hardly walk, now I get nothing. I had to beg for a hand job and I had to do most of it.


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## okeydokie

jhef83 said:


> My wife quit pretty much when she quit smoking. You know what they say, If they'll stick a cigarette in their mouth they'll stick anything in there.:rofl: But yea I'd say it's normal. I thought about this happening early in my marriage and I thought No Way that will happen to us. But it did. I used to have sex till I couldn't hardly walk, now I get nothing. I had to beg for a hand job and I had to do most of it.


its all your fault


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## Eraz2010

LOL! Alex1992 and Momof6girls ought to get a room... and some mouth-wash! Bahahahaa.

Sorry, couldn't resist!

Guess I am lucky as the oral goes both ways still at our house. It does seem to be one of the things that goes early in marriage though from what others have said.

I would say the best advise sounds to me that a calm, happy and friendly chat about it seems most likely to blow (pun intended) the problem away.


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## addie

i used to say i would never do oral at all. but after i got married it didnt seem so bad. i still didnt like it but i knew my husband wanted me to try so i would. now it seems to be an everytime thing. it dotn bother me as much now. maybe if you talk to her about it and keep on it she will eventually just do it to please you.


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## stoomey74

What's a BJ? Just kidding! My wife never gave oral. I was young, she always said later or next time and I was stupid enough to think she was just shy. Of course I don;t even know what sex after marriage is so I might be hte wrong guy to ask LOL!


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## greeneyeddolphin

I will give him a BJ, pretty much anytime, as long as he's clean. Of course, I also feel it's only fair that he give in return. Luckily he's not selfish. HOWEVER, when I was with my former husband, I NEVER gave him a BJ. Why? Well, several reasons. #1, he had bad hygiene. His was obvious, but perhaps there's something going on in that arena that isn't super obvious but is still a turn off. #2, he demanded them. He often acted as though they were his God-given right, and I had to do it because I was his wife. He would either demand with words, or demand by trying to shove my head down there, and that just doesn't work for me. I'm not staying you're demanding them of her, but maybe she feels you are? Really, the only way to solve this is to talk to her and ask her what's up with it. 

As for not finishing, I never finish. Partly because we look at oral as foreplay, or as he calls it "the appetizer, not the main course". lol But, even if we didn't look at it that way, I still wouldn't finish. The texture is just really hard for me to handle, and I just can't bring myself to finish. That one may be something you'll have to deal with it not changing, although you can ask her about that one too and see what she says.


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## tjohnson

I think everyone should only do what they are comfortable doing. We all have that right. 

To clarify: 
A Blow Job is called such as the man "Blows his load" (comes). Therefore understand when people say i give BJs (or men say i get BJs) they are referring to the completed act. If you have say you have given one but not to completion then in reality you you have never given a BJ. You have provided oral as foreplay, period. Granted, kudos to you for doing this. Better than the women who does niether. Personally, i think intercourse is great. it is like nothing else. BJs are wonderful for different reasons. I think to deny this pleasure to someone that you are devoting your life to is denying him one of the greatest thrills a man can possilby imagine. Seems like injesting 2 teaspoons of protien/starch is a small sacrifice. If you ask him if he minds if you don't finish he may be less than honest. Oral without the happy ending is better than none at all and he does not want to hurt your feelings (or worse yet seem unnappreciative and not get any). 

Someone earlier in the post provided a link to why men like them and it is true and you should reed it. I also think that many, many women do it. It is not just done by porn stars and prostitutes. Especially amoungst the younger generation who have not been conditioned by religion or society that only bad girls do this. I am not sure why women consider semen on par with poison or toxic waste. Out of curiosity i have tasted my seamen either by kissing a partner after a BJ or licking my fingers. I am not sure what he horrific deal is. If you have endoured what i would imagine is somewhat tiring ordeal of pleasing a man, it would seem the semen would be pretty benign in comparison to the rest of the act. I think this is more based on principle, fear or the big issue made of it (swallowing or spittiing). 

Have a nice day.


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## lovemywife4life520

My wife and I have only been married for 4 years. Like most of the other guys, when we first got together and up until about 2 years ago she was more than willing to go down, and I love returning the favor. Honestly I would usually go down first. But the last few years the bj's have been less and less frequent and she is no where near as enthusiastic as she use to be when she does go down. I have tried talking to her about it and she gets all defensive. Also, she hardly ever lets me go down on her. We have two children together and i think maybe she is just getting self conscious about the way her body looks. She hasn't had a drastic change at all in terms of how she looks. I still find her very attractive and I make sure i always tell her that. It's just confusing and frustrating that she no longer wants to share in the intimate act of oral sex. I really think its a "spark" issue...kinda sad considering its only been 4 years since we got married.


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## MEM2020

Everyguy who has a screen name like yours ends up begging for sex. It is great you love your wife. Great you are committed. 

What you will find is that other adults respond VERY poorly to being given unconditional love. If you think she is giving you unconditional love let me suggest an experiment. Tell her you plan to quit your job and you want to take some time off. And you aren't sure how much. She "legitimately" will react strongly to that. Healthy adult love is AT MINIMUM conditioned on effort. Sounds like your wife is already getting bored of your kind but likely smothering love.....



lovemywife4life520 said:


> My wife and I have only been married for 4 years. Like most of the other guys, when we first got together and up until about 2 years ago she was more than willing to go down, and I love returning the favor. Honestly I would usually go down first. But the last few years the bj's have been less and less frequent and she is no where near as enthusiastic as she use to be when she does go down. I have tried talking to her about it and she gets all defensive. Also, she hardly ever lets me go down on her. We have two children together and i think maybe she is just getting self conscious about the way her body looks. She hasn't had a drastic change at all in terms of how she looks. I still find her very attractive and I make sure i always tell her that. It's just confusing and frustrating that she no longer wants to share in the intimate act of oral sex. I really think its a "spark" issue...kinda sad considering its only been 4 years since we got married.


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## cherrypie18

I still don't get it though. Why do some women/men (well mostly women) go down on their SO before marriage and stop after? What's the difference? Unless there's hygiene/attraction problems, why not? Is it just a trick to lure them or something? lol

It doesn't just feel good for the guy but it feels nice on the tongue also 

lolli loilli lollipop


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## Gman

Cherrypie18-
I don't know what to say... I guess "thank you" is in order.

Gman


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## MEM2020

I often ask myself a question. 

Did my wife continue to be a stellar lover AFTER we married, after child 1, child 2 and our third and last child because SHE is wired that way? 

Or did she stay the course because she knew how little tolerance I have for deception. And YES it is deception to play nice before marriage and then become lazy afterwards. 

Before we married I worked really hard at my job. AFTER we married - no change. 

I guess neither of us saw marriage as the "finish line" with regard to effort. Just the formalization of our partnership. 






cherrypie18 said:


> I still don't get it though. Why do some women/men (well mostly women) go down on their SO before marriage and stop after? What's the difference? Unless there's hygiene/attraction problems, why not? Is it just a trick to lure them or something? lol
> 
> It doesn't just feel good for the guy but it feels nice on the tongue also
> 
> lolli loilli lollipop


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## KNA2009

I'm in a different boat entirely. I give BJ and darn good so much so that he requests it before we have intercourse claiming that it makes him feel more sensitive hence a more heightened feeling when inside. So I have to continue the BJ long enough and proper enough in an uncomfortable position (that's what he likes) so that he can almost reach stop me and do that several times till he can't take it. Next if we do not proceed into intercourse right after I am told that as his wife I'm not being fair since I won't ingest. I have explained that I don't like the taste or texture and will vomit if I am made to do so. It's so bad that I want to chew things like yogurt just to avoid the feeling. Also earlier in the marriage I was opposed to the act of completely going to the shaft and allowing the release in my oral cavity at all. I have since obliged. So am I being unreasonable b/c I won't ingest or should I take that on too b/c after all it's what he likes? 

BTW, I don't really like to receive on me gives me continuous yeast infections. He hates it but accepts the use of toys for me to substitute. So he's not so unfair.


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## lovemywife4life520

No quite the opposite. We have sex on a frequent basis. Its just that over the last few years she has slowly stopped giving/receiving oral and now we are at the point where it hardly ever happens. I'll try to go down and she will completely resist. We have talked about it and she says she likes to be spontaneous and when i bring it up it spoils the moment, but its not like we are in bed and i start begging for a bj. 




MEM11363 said:


> Everyguy who has a screen name like yours ends up begging for sex. It is great you love your wife. Great you are committed.
> 
> What you will find is that other adults respond VERY poorly to being given unconditional love. If you think she is giving you unconditional love let me suggest an experiment. Tell her you plan to quit your job and you want to take some time off. And you aren't sure how much. She "legitimately" will react strongly to that. Healthy adult love is AT MINIMUM conditioned on effort. Sounds like your wife is already getting bored of your kind but likely smothering love.....


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## Chopblock

Lots of interesting replies.

First of all Amplexor, to stroll in to this type of conversation and brag about how you don't have this problem is absolutely no help whatsoever.

I agree with the comments that were along the lines of the fact that she is only going to do it to make you happy when she feels like making you happy. If she feels her needs are not being met, then no way is she going to go out of her way to meet yours.

Think back to the honeymoon phase before all the routines and resent set in. All you wanted to do was give to each other, and it was fun and nice and beautiful.

Now, more than likely, you don't give as much either -- or at least not in the particular way she needs.

Also remember that people just plain don't value that which they don't have to work for. Giving unconditional love and getting nothing in return just causes you to be used and not respected. She knows she can use you day in and day out and you'll never stop her because you love her unconditionally. She knows she has all the power and she isn't going to just give that power up until there is a reason to.

This is doubly so if you are the one who really should have all the power. If you make the money or own all the stuff, then she might be due for a little reminder. Selfish dependent angry women who hate sex aren't exactly in high demand.

And yeah, be clean... CLEAN clean, and moisturize.


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## MarkTwain

Chopblock said:


> And yeah, be clean... CLEAN clean, and moisturize.


But moisturise? Seriously?


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## CLucas976

MarkTwain said:


> But moisturise? Seriously?


a soft area, is a plesant one to touch 

This is kind of a funny conversation honestly. 

so heres my input,

when my husband and I first got together, it sincerely took less time to complete (haha sounds so official) however, my own personal drive to constantly improve, caused him to hold back because he enjoys it so much. 

A mouthful of man for too long does get tiring on the jaw, and in all honesty, oral is foreplay ( mid play too) to me. as much as I love to satisfy him, there are so many different ways we could work into the ultimate outcome I can't see settling on just one.

what I do to keep my interest in it, is consistantly trying to make the job better, working on your gag relflexes and unlocking your jaw a bit more, I am always looking to improve and keep it new.

as far as cleanliness, everyone has their own funk, some are worse than others. strive to keep smeg to a minimum and check your stench often. I personally hate when he runs to the bathroom to clean up directly before hand, then it tastes like water, and theres nothing dirty about that.

but I'm a weird sort. and if it makes any of you guys feel any better,

after marriage, my husband lost the ability to properly tie up and torture me, we no longer have violent dirty gritty sex, he stepped it down a notch to just rough sex, which to me, is like no longer getting my blowjobs.


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## LaCuriosa

It's not the case for us, and if anything we've increased it over the past 18+ years. Oral (both ways) is either part of foreplay or the main attraction 95% of the time we have sex. I love giving it probably more than receiving it because I know he enjoys it so much.

Like Cherrypie, I don't understand why you'd do it before marriage, but then get away from it. 

LC


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## Chopblock

---But moisturise? Seriously? ---

Absolutely! I recently read a "best of craigslist" post that touched on this subject somewhat. The woman was talking about photos and mentioned how unsexy an "ashy" look is. Moisturizer is your friend. 

And hell, if your wife isn't going downtown as often as you want her too, then grab the oil of olay and kill two birds with one stone if you know what I mean.

---Like Cherrypie, I don't understand why you'd do it before marriage, but then get away from it. ---

Probably because the effort required to do it no longer feels worth it. I'm a reasonable guy and I can understand that its not always the most pleasant thing to do. So the only thing that keeps a person doing that for their partners is the fact that giving their partners pleasure is worth putting themselves out.

This doesn't have to just be restricted to the bedroom. I am willing to sit through a lousy chick movie, or make a special stop to get something she likes, or whatever, if and only if I currently feel that the happiness I'm going to give her is worth the effort I have to expend.

So when giving happiness is no longer worth expending effort, a person will say "why bother".

The question is: why is the happiness no longer a significant enough motivator? Feeling unappreciated? Your own needs not being met? Resent? Other problems? Each couple has to figure that out on their own.


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## OhGeesh

Maybe you should talk about it!! That's the difference between a good physical relationship and a great one COMMUNICATION!!


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## Ayan

I hope not
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Hubby knows if I'm on my bed waiting of him while he's in the shower, that I'm all up for giving him a bj. He goes to our special lock box, grabs the minty juicy lube, any toys I might want and a condom for when I'm done with him(our only protection against future children). I'll blow his mind away once he's clean and ready to go.

I can not give bj's without the lube though. I literally get sick to my stomach with the taste of even the pre semen. I do LOVE giving oral. We usually finish off with fabulous sex as always. It always wasn't like this. It took a while to find the right lube.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog

When Marilyn Monroe married Arthur Miller she quipped "Well that's the last blowjob I'll have to give"


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## that_girl

I love giving them. Hubs gets one whenever he wants. But...I just love doing it. Maybe I'll go wake him up with one now


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## sinnister

Geez. The husbands who receive have no IDEA what a cold and terrible world this is without them LOL.


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## Runs like Dog

Achh - just let it go. It's not worth the 1.3 million word epistle on talking about talking about feeling about talking about it.


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## Randy52

sinnister said:


> Geez. The husbands who receive have no IDEA what a cold and terrible world this is without them LOL.


I agree 100%. Having been on BOTH sides of the issue, I DEFINITELY prefer receiving!!!


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