# my husband treats me like i'm a child



## centrstge

I'm 24 years old. I've been married for a year and half, but we've been together for 5 years now and have been living with each other most of the time. Iget the impression he wants me to be like his mother. No matter whether she worked part-time or stayed at home, she took care of the majority if the cleaning. I noticed this a few years ago, but did'nt think much about since I was still in school. I figured once I got a full-time job it would be better. However, it has'nt. I work full-time as a teacher for at risk youth. I also try to do activities that keep me true to who I am. This means however, currently, I am not home several nights a week because I'm jn rehearsal for a community theater show. I asked him to try out, but he responded that he needed a break from doing shows. When I'm not at rehearsal or work, I do try to spend time with him, but he loves his video games.
I knows there's issues on both our parts. I know I'm not as clean as he wants me to be. I didn't do chores growing, but I have gotten better over the last few years. However, I feel like he wants me to do all the chores around the house. He works full-time as well, so I don't want him to feel like he should be responsible gor everything. The problem arises when he thinks I should've taken care of something I haven't. For instance, I try to get laundry and dishes done in the weekend between going out with our friends, yes my husband is out with me, and rehearsal on sundays and soon to bee shows in the evening. I tend not to do much during the week between rehearsals and being tired from work. My husband doesn't do much either. Occasionaly on the weekends he'll clean the bathrooms and maybe tidy up the living area. We both need to step up in cleaning department, I realize that. However, whenever something is not done it's my fault. It's gotten to th point where he's taken away tv, internet, and last weekend he took away part of my computer plug. Like I said I know I need to work on my cleaning habits, but that foesn't give him the right to treat me like a child. We went to two therapy sessions a few months ago. He came out of the second session saying that he didn't need any help, but that I should keep going, because I stil, needed help. I just don't know what to do. Am I making a mountain out of a mole Hill?


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## MKSICav27

it is just not acceptable for him to TAKE THINGS AWAY from you for not doing housework... for anything for that matter! You are NOT his child and you are in a relationship that requires BOTH of you to pitch in. He is responsible for the same things as you, and it is not his place to take things from you.

You really need to sit him down and explain to him that this is not acceptable. He can always tell you that he's concerned about your cleaning habits, and he can always do things HIMSELF, but it should NEVER be in his power to take things from you like you are a teenager.


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## Mrs.G

It's like he's grounding you for not doing chores. You can divide up the chores between the two of you and that will eliminate any more fights about who does what.
Since I grew up slaving for my brothers and my father, I married a man that can also do housework. I don't want to end up looking old and worn out the way my mother does. She taught me that women are to serve their men; this is why I was groomed to be a wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## castingabout

Get serious with him. With a stern look, stomp your foot and tell him that you're a BIG GIRL and will not be treated this way!

I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist. He is not your father. He does not own you. You're in this together. Sit him down and explain that this will not fly. No foot stomping should be required. Resist the urge to take "things" away from him. You'll only start a vicious cycle. Do what you can to carry your share of the load, but you have to arrive at a compromise of who does what and when. There should be no punishment for not doing your chores.


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## Crftlot490

"Took things away" from you?? That was the deal sealer for me. Cleaning should not be solely the responsibility of either one of you. Everyone has a responsibility to maintain the home and clean up after themselves, not just you. You should not be held responsible for forgetting to clean something--even if you agreed to do it, it is not a crime to forget something. The both of you have equally busy and important schedules--you aren't a child that he can take things away from and try to "punish" and manipulate into doing what he wants you to do. Would it be acceptable if you tried to take things away from him or tell him how to live his life? (which some women actually do to their poor husbands, unfortunately) He needs to have more respect for your time and efforts--that has to be mutual. You already had two parents to raise you and teach you--that isn't your husband's job--he is not your father, so whatever you didn't learn then, it isn't his obligation to try to force you to understand/accept now. You both have to respect each other as partners and adults. He shouldn't "take" your things away from you because you forgot to do something--I've had a similar thing happen to me. That is a little extreme and controlling. You should definitely try talking to him or even writing a letter if that suits you better, and let him know how you feel--let him know that it is patronizing to you to have your things taken away--explain all of your feelings honestly and openly but in a non-accusative manner. Let him know that you appreciate and respect his opinions and requests, etc. but you would like to be treated with the same respect and held as an equal member of the relationship instead of him making independent decisions and punishing you for behavior that he doesn't approve of--it isn't productive in marriage! Good luck, and hope you guys work things out...


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## AvaTara539

"It's gotten to th point where he's taken away tv, internet, and last weekend he took away part of my computer plug. Like I said I know I need to work on my cleaning habits, but that foesn't give him the right to treat me like a child. We went to two therapy sessions a few months ago. He came out of the second session saying that he didn't need any help, but that I should keep going, because I stil, needed help. "

This screams 'red flags' to me! Taking an adults possessions away from them is a very psychologically abusive behavior, it is a way of dominating you and asserting to you that he has control over you. And saying that he doesn't need any help but you do, the cleaning problem is ALWAYS your fault- honey my son's biological father sounds exactly like this guy (plus a drinking problem, wa-hoo). Maybe your H is bipolar, it sounds like he has major control issues. I would demand marriage counseling if I was you!


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## AvaTara539

FYI both my step father and my son's father were extremely bipolar- they both took possessions away and/or dismantled my furniture and belongings as a method of controlling me (my stepfather did this when I was an adult, NOT a child). Do not take that kind of behavior lightly, it is a glaring warning sign. Sometimes the people you think could "never" hurt you physically, do. And sometimes the actions that you try to tell yourself aren't a big deal, really are emotionally scarring and abusive (not all or even most abuse is physical). 

Don't just let it roll, demand that he gets help personally and that the two of you get marriage counseling, or better yet, get out now.


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## Nancie

Reading this thread has been so enlightening as my husband does the exact same thing. We have been together 23 years, and have 7 children and a grandson, and things have only gotten worse. If he is angered by me he will take things like my cigs, prescriptions, phone, or money away from me. The funny thing is; I have been telling him for years he is bipolar! I had no idea the "taking things" behavior was related!
Now let me say other than when he is angry or temperamental he is a wonderful father and hubby, but the question is..........can I continue to tolerate the behavior? He makes me feel lower then scum at times, and hurts me deeply. Can I continue to tolerate hoping for future improvement, I just don't know!
I feel your pain, and my heart goes out to you in a big way, cuz I sssoooo get it!!!


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## IsGirl3

centrstge, there are MAJOR red flags here. DO NOT have kids with this sicko control freak. Who the hell does he think he is?? *HOW DARE HE* take away your things. Sorry, but he's an animal. This is disgusting behavior. I don't know how you can still stand to be with him, or have pleasant conversation, or sex with him. You are a grown woman, A TEACHER!! you deserve the utmost, highest respect, and he treats you so badly. You tell him that he better NEVER EVER treat you that way ever again. Split up the chores or get a cleaning lady, but I have a feeling that this goes beyond just cleaning the house. He treats you like dirt and excuses himself from therapy because he is so sure that his behavior is perfectly acceptable.

Either he starts treating you better, or you'd better high tail it out of there and thank your lucky stars you saw the light before all of your self esteem is gone and you become a shell of the person you once were.


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## inquizitivemind

WHAT?!?! HE TOOK SOMETHING AWAY FROM YOU?! No, no, no, no, no. This is not acceptable behavior. You are not a child, you are his wife. If you expect him to help you with housework, you have to tell him this directly. Also, its incredibly disrespectful to you that he thinks you are the only one who needs help. Video games? I think he sounds more of child than you do. Be firm.


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