# He's coming home from Afghanistan.



## katiep (Oct 9, 2013)

Hi, guys. I'm new here and I'm not married, haha. Actually my situation is very different. I would appreciate any advice from you all. The man I'm writing about means a lot to me and I'm having a really hard time with this. So thank you in advance 

My situation is different as my ex is currently deployed to Afghanistan. I hope that I can still get some insight from you all. The BU actually happened 3 months ago, but I've refrained from posting anywhere. I wanted to see how things play out so that I would have more information, so I'm sorry if it gets long. My ex's homecoming date is approaching (December) and I'm getting extremely anxious. I also graduate college that month, so I guess I'm just stressed.

Background info: I'm 21, he's 25. We are from the same hometown, I still live here but he is stationed 5 hours away. We met while he was here on leave visiting his parents. The best way to describe our relationship before he deployed is easy. Things just fell into place. The 5 hour distance was never an issue, he drove home almost every weekend for an entire year to see me. I never had to wonder where I stood with him. He included me in his family life and I became close with them, too. He made me a priority and chose to spent his time with me rather than his friends. We were crazy about each other and made plans and talked about marriage. Our plan was for me to move to the city where he is stationed after I graduate and he comes home this December. I was going to get my own place until we got engaged, which HE made references to all the time. I can honestly say I was the happiest I had ever been with him. We were together for a year when he deployed.

He left in March. We didn't really know what to expect as it was his first deployment. He ended up on a well-developed base where he was able to call and email everyday. He tried really hard to stay involved in my life and our communication was great. He asked me to send him an email before bed every night about my day. He said I was his "escape". He regularly brought up our future and was always happy to talk to me. I threw myself into care packages and emails. So things were good for three months. 

I guess you could say everything changed when Summer rolled around and they got extremely busy. He has a highly stressful job (EOD) and would stay out days at a time. He also lost a friend. One day he called me and told me that for the first time he felt homesick, and that he would give anything to be at home with me. I could tell he was depressed. At the same time, I got a new job and my new hours made it so that he was unable to call everyday. I hadn't realized how reliant we were on our routine. Nothing is certain during deployment, but our phone call everyday made things feel somewhat normal. So that definitely threw us off. At the beginning of June, he went on a three day mission. I'm not sure what happened, but the next time I heard from him it was almost like he had flipped a switch. He sounded distant and unattached. I figured he was just tired, but over the next few weeks things just got worse. He said he felt like he was "trying to be two places at once" and he "felt like he was completely detached from home". We talked and he said that all of those feelings are normal and based on the deployment, not on us or our relationship. So we decided to press on and just keep everything positive. Unfortunately that didn't happen and things continued to get worse. He almost completely stopped calling, even on the weekends. He would hardly reply to my emails even though he would be on Facebook chatting with his friends. He stopped being affectionate. I felt like I was walking on eggshells and I didn't want to say or do anything to stress him out. I could feel him slipping away so I was basically a mess and I admit I became a little clingy. I guess I just didn't want to lose him and I thought if I just said or did the right thing, things would go back to normal. That made everything worse, he got annoyed with me, and July 4th weekend he told me that he wanted to take a break and "see where we stand when he comes home." He said "It isn't you, you're perfect. It sucks because I finally found the person I want to be with, but the timing couldn't be worse." He said he can't make me a priority while he's there, and we just can't find a "balance". He said he didn't want any additional stress while he was there, and if we try to "force" our relationship, we'll end up resenting each other. He promised I would see him again and then hung up the phone.

I basically fell off the map. I deactivated my FB after the BU because it hurt to see his activity. I also felt like we both just needed a complete break from each other, and I needed to focus on getting myself back to a good place. I focused on school and work, took a trip, started a new workout plan, spent time with my friends, and even went skydiving! I spent a month away from FB. During that time, he sent me two emails. They were short and basically emotionless, basically saying he just wanted to “check-in” and let me know that he’s okay. I know it’s advised not to reply to these types of messages, but I just couldn’t bring myself to not reply because he’s deployed. I never gave him information about me or how I was doing, I just said “Thanks for writing, I’m glad you’re good.” 

I reactivated my FB after a month but hid his activity as well as his friends and family. I don’t post very often, but when I do I post about things I’m doing, never anything negative or about how I'm feeling (unless it's positive and not related to him). He made me feel pretty bad about myself the last month of our relationship, so I’ve been determined to show him that I’m happy and on my own.

In August he started liking my pictures again, and then he started sending me messages with a little emotion. I got one that said “I should probably be sleeping, but I’m just thinking about you tonight. I wish you were online so we could chat.” I got one that said “I like your new pictures, they are really pretty.” He started trying to make conversation. I did reply, but I always kept everything short and sweet.
In September, he started messaging me more frequently (every 7-10 days) and then made it a point to keep the conversations going. He told me that he’s been hesitant to talk to me because he “didn’t know if I was talking to anyone” (which I feel like was his attempt to ask if I was seeing anyone). He made a reference to seeing me when he comes home. He said he misses me. And a few weeks ago he even called for the first time since July… I missed the call :upset:

So when I write all of this out, I feel really silly because obviously it sounds like he cares and is interested in seeing me when he comes home. I guess I’m just getting nervous. Obviously I still love him and want him in my life. I haven’t seen him in seven months or heard his voice in three, but I still think about him and miss him every day. I guess my biggest thing is, I just don’t know how to act when he comes home. One side of me doesn’t want him to think that he can walk in and out of my life as he pleases, but the other side of me wants to understand that he’s under a lot of pressure. I have a million questions running through my mind. I almost feel like we should completely start over. Sex is something that means a lot to me (He was my first and we waited for a long time for me to be ready) and that is making me anxious. I just don’t know how I should handle everything or the rules for this kind of thing. I don’t really know what I’m asking for, I guess just any opinions or advice for the future. I appreciate any help!

P.S. I guess anything is possible, but I'm 99.9% positive there isn't anyone else involved. I've always been really intuitive about that sort of thing, and I just don't get that feeling here. At all.


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## Tom Tybee (Sep 5, 2013)

wow. At 25 he is not a 'kid' anymore, but he is still young. Young men shouldn't have to be sent off to war. I never went (Uncle Sam offered to send me to SE Asia years ago) so I cannot speak to what these kids must experience. But I am sure that some of it must be awful; for some it will be truly truly truly awful. This can change a person while they are in that situation. It may be that the situation he was in was so stressful for him that he could not handle home life at that time...and that must be so 'schizophrenic'...to be in hell and yet to get on Facebook, etc, and to be (in ones heart and mind) with their loved ones. The guys in WW2, my dad's generation, loved to get letters, and going home they were able to 'debrief/decompress' with their buddies on the long ocean voyage home. Now it is a "short" plane ride...the near-instantaneous contrast must be so confusing and disrupting for them. 

...it may have been so painful for him to think of you losing him (via his death), or something like that; whereas it may have been easy enough to joke around with buds on Facebook.

It sounds like you have handled this very well. Go see him when he gets home. Can you speak with someone about how this has gone? your parents? his parents? clergy? a military counselor? It may be worth going to see a private counselor (look up LCSW in the phone book) to discuss for 1 or 2 sessions (watch out for quacks

Best wishes to you both.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Well, tbh, that's a pretty sweet story. I just hope and wish the best for you -- it sounds like you guys have a pretty good shot at being ok.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

At 21 and just graduating college in December.
It sounds like you have a lot of first new things to explore and learn about yourself as a SINGLE adult woman.

If you think it's tough now (deployed 4 months and you broke up) what do you think your future life will be like with a military man?

It takes a special kind of person to be a military spouse. LOTS of sacrifice. If he decides to be career military then you have children to think of raised with the spouse deployed for varying lengths of time (not just months, sometimes years) to destinations in which he will have little if any control. Depending upon what he does in his job there may be LONG extended periods of time where you have ZERO contact. 
You WON'T be his priority - as he is a GI - meaning gov't issue - he is owned by the gov't to do their bidding and to do so without question or hesitation. You WILL be expected to be loyal and faithful regardless.


And then there's the other thing, probable that he will have some PTSD issues since he is active and has already witnessed deaths of his buddies....who knows what other traumas he may have endured or witnessed. SO, there is that - to think of. 

Quite a lot for a young kid of 21. Your life will change repeatedly just being a kid. (I don't mean that disrespectfully - I'm old enough to be your parent and I remember being 21,25, 30 and so fwd) What you think you know at 21 isn't the same as what you've learned by 25, 30 etc.

Before you marry whomever it is you eventually marry - you need to REALLY think about the kind of life you wish to have, what things are seriously important to you, How many kids, what religion, how will you divide household chores, how will you pay bills, buy a house, pay for life insurance, health insurance all sorts of things. What would happen if either one of you should have a significant health situation, can you picture yourself taking care of this person when they are old and gray and need their butt wiped.
Get the picture - life isn't rainbows and unicorns all the time. It's a roller coaster. Have you chosen the partner who will best accompany you on the ride?

Good luck whatever you end up deciding.

And thank you to your ex SO for his Service to our Country.


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## katiep (Oct 9, 2013)

Hi Tom,

Thanks for your reply! It's funny you mentioned that maybe talking to me may have been harder than chatting and joking with his friends on Facebook. Those were my thoughts exactly! It took me awhile to understand that, though. I have talked to my parents about our situation a lot, they have supported me and encouraged me to give him the benefit of the doubt but to keep my head straight and focus on school until he comes home. I've thought about reaching out to his mom and aunt, I love them both and am genuinely curious as to what they have to say, but I've been hesitant. I guess I've just been trying really hard to give him space and if he found out I was reaching out to his family, I didn't want him to take it the wrong way. His mom still sends me little things on Facebook though. Maybe I read too much into it, but I'm sure she appreciates me standing by him through this. I'll definitely consider looking into counselors, I actually think that's a great idea. Thanks for your suggestion 

P.S. He is actually stationed close to Savannah, we spent a lot of time at Tybee!



Tom Tybee said:


> wow. At 25 he is not a 'kid' anymore, but he is still young. Young men shouldn't have to be sent off to war. I never went (Uncle Sam offered to send me to SE Asia years ago) so I cannot speak to what these kids must experience. But I am sure that some of it must be awful; for some it will be truly truly truly awful. This can change a person while they are in that situation. It may be that the situation he was in was so stressful for him that he could not handle home life at that time...and that must be so 'schizophrenic'...to be in hell and yet to get on Facebook, etc, and to be (in ones heart and mind) with their loved ones. The guys in WW2, my dad's generation, loved to get letters, and going home they were able to 'debrief/decompress' with their buddies on the long ocean voyage home. Now it is a "short" plane ride...the near-instantaneous contrast must be so confusing and disrupting for them.
> 
> ...it may have been so painful for him to think of you losing him (via his death), or something like that; whereas it may have been easy enough to joke around with buds on Facebook.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## katiep (Oct 9, 2013)

John Lee said:


> Well, tbh, that's a pretty sweet story. I just hope and wish the best for you -- it sounds like you guys have a pretty good shot at being ok.


Thank you John Lee, I sure hope so!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I mean there may be difficulties, as another poster raised, but you have a great foundation -- it sounds like you found that person you just felt "at home" with. He went away, you gave him his space, and it sounds like he's coming back to you. That's a good sign.


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## katiep (Oct 9, 2013)

Unique Username said:


> At 21 and just graduating college in December.
> It sounds like you have a lot of first new things to explore and learn about yourself as a SINGLE adult woman.
> 
> If you think it's tough now (deployed 4 months and you broke up) what do you think your future life will be like with a military man?
> ...


Hi Unique,

Thanks for your message. I guess I should rephrase, we weren't planning on jumping into marriage when he comes home, it's just something we can both see happening in the future. I agree, I'm young. But I've also lived on my own and supported myself entirely since I was 17. I've put myself through college and I'm managing to graduate early. I'm not saying I don't have more to learn, I'm just saying I'm not completely naive to the real world and paying bills and 60+ hour weeks with work and school. Our "next step" was for me to move to his city and get a place on my own. I want to see how our relationship unfolds living in the same city, without a deployment hanging over our heads. We definitely have more to figure out... But if we're both financially stable, have a steady job, and love each other, I don't see any problem with wanting to experience life together if it moves in that direction in time. I know a lot of sacrifice and responsibilities come with being a military spouse. I became close with his unit and saw firsthand what their wives and children go through. No, I haven't experienced it, but I'm well aware that it isn't easy. I know their situations are beyond mine. But the thing is, It isn't tough for me to be faithful to him, it isn't tough for me to support him and wait for him and be loyal to him...even when I'm not getting anything in return. That must mean something, right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Unique Username said:


> It takes a special kind of person to be a military spouse. LOTS of sacrifice. If he decides to be career military then you have children to think of raised with the spouse deployed for varying lengths of time (not just months, sometimes years) to destinations in which he will have little if any control. Depending upon what he does in his job there may be LONG extended periods of time where you have ZERO contact.
> You WON'T be his priority - as he is a GI - meaning gov't issue - he is owned by the gov't to do their bidding and to do so without question or hesitation. You WILL be expected to be loyal and faithful regardless.



I know your heart is in the right place, but I hate these kinds of generalities. It might have been that way once but today it's not nearly that bad for most spouses. I swear!

To Unique and Katiep, 

I am a career Army man, over 20 years and still going, and have served in Afghanistan also. Yes, it can be hard for families at times, but it has fantastic opportunities too (like living in locations such as Hawaii, Germany, Italy, and Japan). In fact, I've seen wives traveling across Europe with their friends, having the times of their lives while their husbands are deployed, and then some of them later say what a 'sacrifice' they made - right.

As far as my own family goes, yes they have had to endure me gone for long periods. But the benefits have been substantial. My children speak fluent German. They have traveled a lot more than any of their friends, even wealthy friends. My wife is getting another degree, and paying for it with military assistance. There are always family support groups for spouses of deployed soldiers, but my wife did so well as it was, she never felt the need to join one. 

And I ALWAYS put my family first. I don't consider myself "government issue". They are my priority. If my military career was really harming my family then I would have left the Army long ago. In many ways, there's been LESS stress because unlike men who work in the private sector, I don't have to worry about being laid off or the economy going up and down. We always have a roof over our heads. 

BTW, the age of deployments are dwindling to a close, probably for another 10 years at least. There are only a handful of military personnel in Iraq and the US publicly plans to pull out of Afghanistan by the end of 2014.

Katie, if you two work things out, consider that there are huge benefits to being a military spouse, and I've only touched on a few of them here. However, at 21 you are still a little young, so don't rush into anything.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

Please be prepared for how this deployment may have changed your boyfriend, for some their first combat is a growing experience that enables them to feel as if they have achieved something truly worthwhile. For others it is an experience that damages them forever. For most it is somewhere in the middle. It depends on the individual, where / when they see combat and the support that they get (both within the military and from friends / family).

I would like to pick up on a couple of things that other posters have raised.

Why did he break up with you part way through his tour, it could be that something he saw / did made him realize his own mortality and the possible impact his death / injury could have on you / those he loved.

Communication with home / loved ones whilst on deployment is IMHO a two edged sword, it is great to hear how folks are at home but that contact can a. distract your concentration, b. make you realize how much you stand to lose.

Journey home.
I know that modern logistics are great but there was something to be said in favor of the adjustment time that the ship home from the South Atlantic gave me after my first deployment as opposed to the flight home in later years.

Married life in the military,
I was single when I was serving (and glad of it) but from the married guys I knew at the time married life IS hard for both those who serve and their families left at home / some base in the middle of nowhere. The upside can be that the other military wives / kids do understand what you are going through and can be a great support. It is not something to be rushed into but it can work if you are both strong.

When your boyfriend gets home give him a little space / time if he needs it, tell / show him how much you care for him. Watch out for aberrant / dangerous behavior (get him help if he needs it). Just try and enjoy getting to know each other again.

The best of luck and god bless to you both.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

I agree with almost everything posted by everybody.

As for the GI comment - I was saying that as it does really depend upon what type of work he does and which commission/rank, no?

I wanted to paint the most difficult picture to make a point of being EYES WIDE OPEN to all the scenarios. Sometimes when in our twenties - we aren't necessarily thinking about the financial and or what things will be like in 10/20/30 years. I mean, seriously, the world is really your oyster. You can choose whatever you like...hopefully something you are passionate about (in work and social activities.) 

KatieP sounds like she is a really smart and resourceful young woman. Good head on her shoulders and decent. If this is the path she chooses, I think she will be strong enough mentally and physically and emotionally to handle what ever comes her way.

There are INDEED very positive things that can come from career military. Excellent health insurance and benefits for the spouse and family. There are wonderful programs created to deal with Family problems with deployed and post-deployed personnel and reconnecting to the spouse and children. They even have new Military programs for children with special needs such as autism.
These are programs within the military and created to help the military family. The travel WITH family also depends upon one's rank and job correct? There are also dependent benefits specific to children of disabled American veterans and other scholarships.

The other posters have shared real, concrete examples of what life can be like. You have to decide if the rewards outweigh the detractors. 

I think it's exciting to move to a new city and have your own place and your own job. AND you already have a friend (ex SO) that lives near the same city...cool! Enjoy and make good choices!

Cheers!


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## Daisy2714 (Sep 22, 2013)

Hi Katie,

I'm a military wife. I was a military daughter growing up. My grandfather was a Navy seal, my father was in the Navy, my step-father was in the air force, my husbands father was in the Army. My husband and I have four sons who have, or are currently serving in the Marines, Army, National Guard, and Navy. 

Currently, my husband and two of our sons are deployed. Being a military spouse is not easy but it does have it's rewards. I am very proud of our military and honored to be a part of that life. There is a ton of support for the families (and SO) left behind while our loved ones are gone. Reach out to that community. You may not be married or even engaged but you are still a part of that world. 

They go through a lot over there. One of my son's graduated from West Point and on his first deployment, he lost his "brother" to a roadside bomb. They had gone through West Point together, grown up together, became men, and losing him changed my son forever. 

The reality of war is not the romantic, heroic version played out in Hollywood. They come home with things they don't ever want or even know how to talk about. Be there for him. It's hard sometimes because we don't (can't) fully understand. Just love him through. 

It does take a special kind of person to do this. TAKE THINGS VERY SLOWLY. Find out if you are the one that can be that kind of person. Never play emotional games with him. Be honest always. Love him but don't let him emotionally abuse you. He may not be trying to but you have to let him know when it's happening if he does.

My very best wishes to you. If you remember anything of what I'm saying, remember to take things slowly. Only over time will you find out it this is a life you can live. You both owe it to yourselves and each other to know that before moving on to a lifetime commitment.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Hi Katie,

Something I didn't catch mentioned or addressed yet. Rewind to the 90's when I was still a troop. I did something very similar as your ex did on my first deployment. I lost time with a great young lady because of that. One day I had a close call that almost cost me my life and a the lives of a few others. Because the relationship I had with that girl was still pretty fresh(honeymoon phase) and my focus on that was competing with my focus on my work I felt I had to make a choice. It was tough but I had to break it off. Get angry about it. Get her out of my heart and head. I later learned that that never really worked as well as I had hoped but I was able to fool myself sufficiently enough to focus on my work enough again well enough to be here typing this.

Of course I don't know if that's what happened with your ex or not. But it's possible that in his line he felt he had reason to reduce distractions and focus on his work for safety reasons.


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## katiep (Oct 9, 2013)

Malpheous said:


> Hi Katie,
> 
> Something I didn't catch mentioned or addressed yet. Rewind to the 90's when I was still a troop. I did something very similar as your ex did on my first deployment. I lost time with a great young lady because of that. One day I had a close call that almost cost me my life and a the lives of a few others. Because the relationship I had with that girl was still pretty fresh(honeymoon phase) and my focus on that was competing with my focus on my work I felt I had to make a choice. It was tough but I had to break it off. Get angry about it. Get her out of my heart and head. I later learned that that never really worked as well as I had hoped but I was able to fool myself sufficiently enough to focus on my work enough again well enough to be here typing this.
> 
> Of course I don't know if that's what happened with your ex or not. But it's possible that in his line he felt he had reason to reduce distractions and focus on his work for safety reasons.


Hi Malpheous! Thanks for your reply. I've thought about that as a possibility too... It's my favorite "possibility". Haha  We were still in the "honeymoon phase" too. I mentioned how he used to tell me that I was his "escape". In the last month of our relationship, he told me that he felt like he "placed too much hope in that." I feel like maybe he was saying he was too focused on us.. On talking to me everyday and in trying to keep our relationship going while he has so much at stake over there. Of course I want him to focus on his job and come home safe, and I support any decision that makes that easier on him. He knows that, too. So I guess I'm just hoping that even though he's had to make this decision, maybe if I'm patient and show him understanding, when he comes home he'll come around. Hopefully.


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## katiep (Oct 9, 2013)

Wow everyone. I'm so happy that I posted here. I appreciate all of your responses. I've really only talked to my parents about this, so it's nice to get different feedback. And definitely interesting to hear from those who have served and the military spouses. I haven't gotten that perspective yet and it was exactly what I was hoping for. I'm taking all of your advice to heart! I forgot to mention, I sent him a care package last Friday as a surprise! I haven't sent him one since June, before we broke-up, so this will be completely unexpected! Nothing mushy, I just make banana bread and pound cake in a jar. I also made homemade brownies. If this is like the other care packages I sent, it should arrive to him sometime this weekend. This is the first time I've initiated anything with him since the break-up, so I'm a little nervous. Yikes. I just felt like it would be okay based on the way things have been going. So we'll see what happens!


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Yes !!! Time to fall in love all over again and again and again ...

Enjoy and go for it!


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I am retired military and although I never worked EOD ( explosive ordinance disposal) , I have been deployed with them and know a few. I have seen his behavior before. I know many of them that have separated from GFs and even gotten divorced with the faulty thinking that if they put their SOs out of their life it would save them the pain if they died in the line of duty. My guess is that he saw something that really shook him up during that three day mission about the time everything went south. Your regular calls you both had before your new job may have been holding his world together more than you could know. My son used to be in the marines and would call me while deployed and ramble on forever about what was going on with his unit. I didn't think much of it but he later told me that those calls probably saved his life. 

I would guess he is slowly coming back to you because he either more confident in his ability to do his job now and believes he will make it home alive or that the time to come home is getting closer and he thinks he will make it back. If I had to guess I believe the two of you will be back together when he returns. But be warned, if this was his first deployment it will change him significantly. 

Good luck girl
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## katiep (Oct 9, 2013)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> I am retired military and although I never worked EOD ( explosive ordinance disposal) , I have been deployed with them and know a few. I have seen his behavior before. I know many of them that have separated from GFs and even gotten divorced with the faulty thinking that if they put their SOs out of their life it would save them the pain if they died in the line of duty. My guess is that he saw something that really shook him up during that three day mission about the time everything went south. Your regular calls you both had before your new job may have been holding his world together more than you could know. My son used to be in the marines and would call me while deployed and ramble on forever about what was going on with his unit. I didn't think much of it but he later told me that those calls probably saved his life.
> 
> I would guess he is slowly coming back to you because he either more confident in his ability to do his job now and believes he will make it home alive or that the time to come home is getting closer and he thinks he will make it back. If I had to guess I believe the two of you will be back together when he returns. But be warned, if this was his first deployment it will change him significantly.
> 
> ...


Ray, thanks for your reply! That all makes sense and I feel like something happened on that mission, too. I mentioned he also lost his friend about two weeks before that mission (he was also EOD), so maybe that also put him on edge??. I had kind of guessed he would start coming back once we began approaching his homecoming date, for the reasons you suggested. It makes me feel better to hear that other people have experienced this too, but at the same time it makes me sad that he's having such a hard time and I can't be there for him. He even tells me he's lonely, which confuses me of course because I love and miss talking to him.. Of course I'm glad to hear that many of you think we'll end up together when he comes home. So, I know I keep hearing that this deployment will have changed him. Do any of you have any ideas as to what I should expect? I know there is a readjustment period, I guess I never put much thought into it... I just thought if he was home, we are good!' Lol, obviously this is my first time dealing with anything like this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## betulanana (Jul 20, 2013)

Hi there,

I did not read everything... only skimmed... but I think nobody has asked that so far: do you have the opportunity to talk to other military spouses face-to-face? This could be helpful to you.

What to expect? There are a lot of persons who are more knowledgeable about this than me. Things I have been told are common in soldiers who return from Afghanistan include:

* A lot of people, noise, lights may stress him
* He may drive in the mids of the road
* He may get nervous if there is nobody on the road
* He may get nervous when driving by bridges and contruction sides because those are vulnerable points
* He may overreact if he cannot see a loved one (who only went to another room) or if there is a potential danger
* He may tell you over and over again "You really do not know how happy you are", "What you perceive as a need is no real need, it only is a want", "If that is the worst that happens to you today count yourself lucky" and so on
* He might need a time until he can deal with coices like what to buy at a supermarket or how to dress
* He might not want to talk with you about the things he saw or did. May be never.

I wonder how the others think about this list.

The death of his friend must have shattered him. Sorry, I do not know how you could help him with that. May be one of the others does. 

All the best to both of you.

I might have missed a lot of things other people including you wrote, because I only skimmed. So sorry, I have a toddler at home and little time.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

If could I'd like to make a suggestion. Although there are a lot of resources here and we will gladly do what we can to help you through this rough time. I would recommend you also search out a military support forum. I did a quick google search and found a ton of them. These people have stood where you are now standing and gave experienced the same highs and lows. If your relationship becomes long term you will find out quickly that 90% of people cannot relate at all to what you go through on a daily basis. I am not saying you can't get help here. Just pointing out that there may be more help somewhere else
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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