# DH wants me to be romantic but won't be romantic at all.



## dragon (Jan 24, 2012)

DH told me he wants me to be romantic, like surprise him by getting dressed up, or take him on a date. He likes it when I buy him stuff without having a reason, and I even have to initiate sex. And even when I start stuff he never does anything to get me turned on... I said something to him about wanting him to be romantic he gets upset tells me he's sorry or he'll just shut down and not talk to me again.
On top of all that if I say something about wanting him to initiate sex we end up not having sex.
When we were dating he couldn't keep his hands off of me, and he was romantic.
He constantly complains about not spending time with me or how the weekend goes by too fast. But he sits around playing a video game during his free time.
Our 3 yr marriage anniversary is coming up and we don't have any money to do anything then, or for V-day or any other event coming up like my birthday.
I went all out for his last birthday but for mine he didn't and this yr we don't have money. I told him that I'm bummed that we can't do anything and he basically ignored me and played his game.
What should I do? I don't want to feel like my husband doesn't care but that's how I feel. Does anyone have any advice?


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## lady1 (Jan 31, 2012)

You should talk with him in a non-confrontational, safe, and honest way about how your feel. Don't complain, or put blame on him. And don't try to talk to him about it when he is playing video games, or is distracted in any way. Find a time when he is most open to having a conversation, and listen to what he is telling you. 

There must be a reason he gets so upset that he closes up when you even bring up the topic. It sounds to me like he does care, he just doesn't know how to talk about it. Maybe he is really upset about something else. Maybe he is super stressed about money, for example. It could even be that he feels guilty that he can't give you all the romantic things he wants to, since you two don't have money right now. You said he used to be romantic - did it slowly taper off, or did he stop suddenly? Was there anything specific going on when this started? I can only guess based on what you wrote above - talk to him. If he won't talk to you about it directly, try asking him to write you a letter.

I also think you two should find some fun and romantic things to do that don't cost any money. Pack a picnic and go to the park. Look for free activities in your area. Make each other gifts. Get creative together. Romance shouldn't break the bank.


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