# Jerking off



## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Is it normal for my husband to always jerking off instead of having sex with me. Then when I catch him he denies it fully and starts a fight when I have evidence that he was. What should I do because I have tried to sit him down and tell him how I feel about the situation and he never wants to talk about it. He changes the subject and fights about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO


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## DTG (Mar 30, 2020)

Jpowers16 said:


> Is it normal for my husband to always jerking off instead of having sex with me. Then when I catch him he denies it fully and starts a fight when I have evidence that he was. What should I do because I have tried to sit him down and tell him how I feel about the situation and he never wants to talk about it. He changes the subject and fights about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO


Not normal to do it instead of. Is he addicted to porn? Or maybe hes addicted to masturbating.
If hes in denial then its addiction to one or both.

He has to see that it hurts you when he chooses that over you.
Then if he truely cherishs you and the marriage hel get the help he needs whether its just pure self motivation, or safety measures on his ph, or professional help


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jpowers16 said:


> Is it normal for my husband to always jerking off instead of having sex with me. Then when I catch him he denies it fully and starts a fight when I have evidence that he was. What should I do because I have tried to sit him down and tell him how I feel about the situation and he never wants to talk about it. He changes the subject and fights about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO


Not good at all. Some more info would help to figure out what you could do about this. So I have some questions.

How long have you been married to him? How old are the two of you?

When you say that he is "always jerking off", how often does he do this?

Is he using a lot of porn?

How often do the two of you have sex?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Jpowers16 said:


> Is it normal for my husband to always jerking off instead of having sex with me. Then when I catch him he denies it fully and starts a fight when I have evidence that he was. What should I do because I have tried to sit him down and tell him how I feel about the situation and he never wants to talk about it. He changes the subject and fights about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO


Why is it a problem for you? Is it that you're not having sex together as often as you want? If so, that's a problem. 

Don't think of it in terms of "catching him" and "evidence". No wonder it leads to a fight. What you need is not proof. What you need is a conversation about why this is happening.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Don't be condemning, that's a guaranteed fight.

Maybe try a new tact. Ask him if you can give him a hand job, let him enjoy your naked breasts or more.

Sorry to be a bit uncouth here but he'll likely respond positively here.

It may be a jump start. Just lightly say you want to play too. 

The end result making it known your ok w/him mastubating no big thing, and you want to have sex as well. Take the taboo out of the equation. 

Because he'll always do it the objective is you want to do it with him too.

Don't be giving ultimatums but give him a hot reason; you and your sexiness, open for business, to bring him to you some of those times when he has the urge

Tell him you want to masturbate too, and with him, for him, and it's hot.

Be very agreeable and inclusive rather than judgemental and condemning. 

What you're doing now isn't working, you must try a different approach. 

You'll have to get over any hangups with your masturbating (if you have any) and be open and forthright with him. 

Only if you want to; this is if you want to do, it's up to you. Masturbation isn't something he should have to hide from his long term W, it just isn't. 

*barring any porn addictions, this will work for you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

An approach other than sitting him down and telling him might work. No one wants to feel like they're being sent to the principal's office.

Use 'I' statements i.e. 'I miss our closeness and connection' rather than 'You're always jerking off and it pisses me off'.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

DTG said:


> Not normal to do it instead of. Is he addicted to porn? Or maybe hes addicted to masturbating.
> If hes in denial then its addiction to one or both.
> 
> He has to see that it hurts you when he chooses that over you.
> Then if he truely cherishs you and the marriage hel get the help he needs whether its just pure self motivation, or safety measures on his ph, or professional help


He doesn’t care that it hurts me at all. He watches porn every once in a while but not a lot that I know of


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Not good at all. Some more info would help to figure out what you could do about this. So I have some questions.
> 
> How long have you been married to him?
> How old are the two of you?
> ...


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Been married 4 years 
We r 34/49
does everyday
No porn that I know of 
Lucky if it is 1 every 4 months


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Laurentium said:


> Why is it a problem for you? Is it that you're not having sex together as often as you want? If so, that's a problem.
> 
> Don't think of it in terms of "catching him" and "evidence". No wonder it leads to a fight. What you need is not proof. What you need is a conversation about why this is happening.


I have tried the conversation about it and he don’t want to talk about it. So the problem isn’t me. I am lucky we do anything within a 4 month time


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Don't be condemning, that's a guaranteed fight.
> 
> Maybe try a new tact. Ask him if you can give him a hand job, let him enjoy your naked breasts or more.
> 
> ...


I’m not ok with the masturbation at all. I tried the hole I would like to do with and he turns me down he rather do alone the with me


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> An approach other than sitting him down and telling him might work. No one wants to feel like they're being sent to the principal's office.
> 
> Use 'I' statements i.e. 'I miss our closeness and connection' rather than 'You're always jerking off and it pisses me off'.


I have tried that


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Been married 4 years 
34/49
No porn that I know of 
Always wants to alone
Don’t care about how it makes me feel
Lucky 1 time every 4 months


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What you have is a 49 year old man who finds masturbating to be less work than having sex with you. You're in your sexual prime. Is this how you want to live for the rest of your life?

Since he doesn't want to talk about it, it is doubtful that he would consider marriage counseling.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> What you have is a 49 year old man who finds masturbating to be less work than having sex with you. You're in your sexual prime. Is this how you want to live for the rest of your life?
> 
> Since he doesn't want to talk about it, it is doubtful that he would consider marriage counseling.


no he don’t want to he says he has NO problem


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

In an effort to cover all the bases, and not blame the victim, was your sex life ever good? There are lots of reasons why a person would prefer their own means over time with a spouse. Are you a good sexual partner?


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

The sex was amazing the first 1 1/2 years of my marriage then went down hill to nothing after my son was born. YES I AM A GOOD SEXUAL PARTNER


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Have you ever offered him a hand job?

Are you ok you masturbating yourself, either by yourself or in front of him?


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Have you ever offered him a hand job?
> 
> Are you ok you masturbating yourself, either by yourself or in front of him?


Yes I have and a blow job. I don’t masturbate because I don’t believe in that. If ur married u shouldn’t do that. If we both have to masturbate then what is the point of being married


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Jpowers16 said:


> Yes I have and a blow job. I don’t masturbate because I don’t believe in that. If ur married u shouldn’t do that. If we both have to masturbate then what is the point of being married


The only person who can answer your questions is your husband, but to get those answers you're going to have to drop the anti-masturbation stance at least for the purposes of the discussion. Whether you think you're right or wrong is irrelevant if you're so strident on the subject that your husband is afraid to talk to you about it. 

Most married folks here think that turning down your spouse for your hand is a bad idea, but also that masturbation is a perfectly acceptable way to manage differences in desired sexual frequency.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

I have talked to him and he won’t stop and I am not going to be in a marriage that my husband rather jerk off then have sex with his wife. Masturbation is not ok for me.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> I have talked to him and he won’t stop and I am not going to be in a marriage that my husband rather jerk off then have sex with his wife. Masturbation is not ok for me.


Then tell him you want a divorce.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Jpowers16 said:


> I have talked to him and he won’t stop and I am not going to be in a marriage that my husband rather jerk off then have sex with his wife.


That's not an unreasonable position.



> Masturbation is not ok for me.


But that might be. 

Would you be willing to have sex with him whenever he asked, every time?
Would you settle for him agreeing to have sex with you whenever you asked, every time instead of masturbating?
Would you settle for a right of refusal - if you say "no", he is free to take care of himself?

Or is this non-negotiable, my way or the highway? I personally would not marry anyone who told me masturbation was strictly off-limits all the time. Even should he agree to this, what will really happen is that you'll likely drive him underground.

Now I'm not losing sight of the fact that right now, you're understandably angry about your sex life being in shambles, though it's hard from here to know the full story of how it got that way.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> Then tell him you want a divorce.


that’s the problem I don’t want a divorce but I don’t want this either. I want a healthy marriage not one based on lies and I have tried to talk to him and mentioned marriage counseling and nothing


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Cletus said:


> That's not an unreasonable position.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yes I want to have sex with him when ever he wants to but he never wants to with me. Masturbationg is not ok with me he has a wife and he don’t need to masturbate and if he feels he needs to then I am done. I am not having a husband who rather masturbate then have sex with his wife


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> that’s the problem I don’t want a divorce but I don’t want this either. I want a healthy marriage not one based on lies and I have tried to talk to him and mentioned marriage counseling and nothing


Welcome to the club. 

All you can do is talk to him and tell you how it makes you feel. Maybe try to negotiate like the above poster suggested. 

There is no magic pill we can give someone to make them change into the people we want. People rarely change.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> Yes I want to have sex with him when ever he wants to but he never wants to with me. Masturbationg is not ok with me he has a wife and he don’t need to masturbate and if he feels he needs to then I am done. I am not having a husband who rather masturbate then have sex with his wife


But here is the facts... he would rather masterbate then have sex with you. You know this already.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> Welcome to the club.
> 
> All you can do is talk to him and tell you how it makes you feel. Maybe try to negotiate like the above poster suggested.
> 
> There is no magic pill we can give someone to make them change into the people we want. People rarely change.


I have tried to reason with him and it is his way


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

This is a trend that I have noticed. Some women talk a big game. They protest certain behavior, and set these imaginary rules and boundaries. I will NOT put up with my husbands... porn use, drinking, masterbating, video games, lack of sex, gambling, lack of help around the house... whatever it is. Then when the husband does these things, the women go crazy. They do anything to control their behavior and make them stop whether it be lecturing, nagging, belittling, insulting, punishing, being revengeful or whatever. My point is women will do anything but leave. 
It’s ridiculously how far a women will go to torture their husband to get them to behave how they want. 


The only options there really is, is talking to him about it, and seeing if he changes on his own. Come to a compromise. Accept the behavior. Or leave. That’s it.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> I have tried to reason with him and it is his way


So that tells you you have to accept the behavior or leave him. 

If he is putting this above your marriage, then why would you want to be with him anyway? Think about it. If he values you so little, that he would rather end his marriage over masterbating instead of having sex with the women he loves... why be with him.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> This is a trend that I have noticed. Some women talk a big game. They protest certain behavior, and set these imaginary rules and boundaries. I will NOT put up with my husbands... porn use, drinking, masterbating, video games, lack of sex, gambling, lack of help around the house... whatever it is. Then when the husband does these things, the women go crazy. They do anything to control their behavior and make them stop whether it be lecturing, nagging, belittling, insulting, punishing, being revengeful or whatever. My point is women will do anything but leave.
> It’s ridiculously how far a women will go to torture their husband to get them to behave how they want.
> 
> 
> The only options there really is, is talking to him about it, and seeing if he changes on his own. Come to a compromise. Accept the behavior. Or leave. That’s it.


I don’t need negative comments. I don’t nag my husband but when he rather masturbate then have sex with me then that’s an issue. He is the one who chooses not to change. I asked for advice because everything that is being said I have done or tried to do.My husband rather jerk his **** then sleep with his wife that’s a problem. When it use to be 3-4 times a day to 1 time maybe every 4-5 months then u know y have a problem


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> I don’t need negative comments. I don’t nag my husband but when he rather masturbate then have sex with me then that’s an issue. He is the one who chooses not to change. I asked for advice because everything that is being said I have done or tried to do.My husband rather jerk his **** then sleep with his wife that’s a problem. When it use to be 3-4 times a day to 1 time maybe every 4-5 months then u know y have a problem


I’m not trying to be negative and I am trying to give you advice. 
It looks like you have done everything you can do, except for threaten to leave him. I don’t know what other advice there is. I’m sorry.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I see a lot if rightnesses coming from you. That can be very off putting.
You “caught” him masturbating and tried to talk about it - or were you simply telling him what to do or not do do? “I told you not to do that!”
the way you sound here in your posts: I’m good! He is bad, I want things my way. “ you are not accepting any piece of advise from posters. you just want confirmation that he is tge problem.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I’m not trying to be negative and I am trying to give you advice.
> It looks like you have done everything you can do, except for threaten to leave him. I don’t know what other advice there is. I’m sorry.


I have told him I am leaving if he don’t get help and he said go


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> I see a lot if rightnesses coming from you. That can be very off putting.
> You “caught” him masturbating and tried to talk about it - or were you simply telling him what to do or not do do? “I told you not to do that!”
> the way you sound here in your posts: I’m good! He is bad, I want things my way. “ you are not accepting any piece of advise from posters. you just want confirmation that he is tge problem.


I never said he was the problem or I wasn’t taking advise or that I say I told u not to. I have talk to him about it and I have tried to meet In the middle with it and he wants it his way. So guess what I am not the bad person here. Everything everyone is telling me to do I HAVE DONE


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Jpowers16 said:


> I never said he was the problem or I wasn’t taking advise or that I say I told u not to. I have talk to him about it and I have tried to meet In the middle with it and he wants it his way. So guess what I am not the bad person here. Everything everyone is telling me to do I HAVE DONE


If I want a sexless marriage then I would be by my self. So don’t come at me like I am telling him what to do cause I am not.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> So that tells you you have to accept the behavior or leave him.
> 
> If he is putting this above your marriage, then why would you want to be with him anyway? Think about it. If he values you so little, that he would rather end his marriage over masterbating instead of having sex with the women he loves... why be with him.


I do not accept it and I won’t


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Jpowers16 said:


> I do not accept it and I won’t


That true


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> I do not accept it and I won’t


Then divorce him!!


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

well, then divorce is hte only option for you. 
and a little change in attitude. The way you respond to posters is very confrontotional


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> Then divorce him!!


That’s is everyone solution for everything. Divorce
I won’t but I won’t accept the masturbation instead of me


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> well, then divorce is hte only option for you.
> and a little change in attitude. The way you respond to posters is very confrontotional
> [/QUOTE
> What u mean about that.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> well, then divorce is hte only option for you.
> and a little change in attitude. The way you respond to posters is very confrontotional


How do I respond
I say how I feel and everyone can’t handle that


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You can't force him to change. The only person who you have control over is yourself. Have you talked with your pastor or priest?


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> You can't force him to change. The only person who you have control over is yourself. Have you talked with your pastor or priest?


Why would I do that.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Jpowers16 said:


> I say how I feel and everyone can’t handle that


it is not you, it's us....


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> it is not you, it's us....


What


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Jpowers16 said:


> I have told him I am leaving if he don’t get help and he said go


I did not see it before. That's your answer. He is done with you. Time for you to move on


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I give up. Uncle.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Jpowers16 said:


> Is it normal for my husband to always jerking off instead of having sex with me. Then when I catch him he denies it fully and starts a fight when I have evidence that he was. What should I do because I have tried to sit him down and tell him how I feel about the situation and he never wants to talk about it. He changes the subject and fights about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO


Hi Jpowers16,

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this dilemma, but I agree with some of the other posters who ask if your husband is addicted to porn. My ex-husband was addicted to porn (teenage porn specifically) and thought it was easier to masturbate than to have sex with me. Over time, he found me less attractive because I wasn't a teenager anymore, and eventually cheated with a 19 y/o who fit the bill.

I'm not saying your husband is cheating, however, you two need to talk about this and need counseling BEFORE this escalates. My ex refused to talk about our lack of sex and his preference for masturbation and instead claimed he had ED (erectile dysfunction) to avoid any further discussion. 

I totally understand how hurtful and lonely this must be for you, please do not feel you are lacking in any way, this is his problem and only he can solve it. If he does not want to, you need to decide if you can live like this indefinitely or think about your options. It's not going to improve without some hard work or decisions. I wish I could offer you a more hopeful outlook, but I wasted 10 years of my life unhappy, depressed and anxious and am now divorced and working on rebuilding my self-esteem. I'd hate for you to do the same. If you need any support, please feel free to PM me any time.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Jpowers16 said:


> That’s is everyone solution for everything. Divorce
> I won’t but I won’t accept the masturbation instead of me


Um.. PICK ONE. Clearly he is making it so that you can’t have both a marriage and a sex life with this man. He doesn’t want it. Your stance on masturbation is uptight and prudish. Everyone masturbates, even happily married sexually active people! Except you, evidently. Having said that... his behavior of choosing his hand instead of his wife is NOT OK, and I agree that you shouldn’t accept it. What you SHOULD accept tho is that he’s made up his mind about it and doesn’t give a damn how you feel about it... so your choices are to live with it or leave. 

Are you this uptight and judgemental about other things he (or anyone!) does? He may be rebelling because he’s sick of the judgement. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jpowers16 said:


> Been married 4 years
> We r 34/49
> does everyday
> No porn that I know of
> Lucky if it is 1 every 4 months


When did this start?
What was your sex life like before all this started?

A marriage in which there is sex 10 or fewer times a year is considered a sexless marriage. Men are as likely to make their marriage sexless as women are. Here is a link to a thread that has a lot of info for women who have this sort of problem in their marriage. It's a long thread so make sure you read at least the first 2 or so pages as there are useful info and resources posted.









The Sex Starved Wife


I would like this thread to be a resource for women who are in sexless, or near sexless marriages in which it is their husbands who don’t want sex. I’m hoping that women dealing with this issue will post and talk about what they are going through. About 20% of marriages are sexless. A sexless...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com





And here is a good book that might help you.








The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost Desire - Kindle edition by Davis, Michele Weiner. Health, Fitness & Dieting Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.


The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost Desire - Kindle edition by Davis, Michele Weiner. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Use features like bookmarks, note taking and highlighting while reading The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost Desire.



www.amazon.com





Have you considered divorcing him over the lack of sex?


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

TXTrini said:


> Hi Jpowers16,
> 
> I'm so sorry you find yourself in this dilemma, but I agree with some of the other posters who ask if your husband is addicted to porn. My ex-husband was addicted to porn (teenage porn specifically) and thought it was easier to masturbate than to have sex with me. Over time, he found me less attractive because I wasn't a teenager anymore, and eventually cheated with a 19 y/o who fit the bill.
> 
> ...


That’s what my husband says to so he don’t have to talk about it with me. Do I have a direct way to contact u if I need to chat or anything


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I frequently tell posters here if they don't like the answers, then don't ask the questions. I understand you may not like all the responses you get but if you don't, just move on and ignore them. As far as your husband is concerned, it sounds like he's not going to budge. He told you it's his way or the highway. 

You can't make him change. And, from what you've said, he doesn't want to change at all, no matter how you approach him. 

Since he's choosing to masturbate over having sex with you, do you think something about the marriage - besides sex - is bothering him? Making him resentful? Making him avoid you sexually and emotionally?


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

3Xnocharm said:


> Um.. PICK ONE. Clearly he is making it so that you can’t have both a marriage and a sex life with this man. He doesn’t want it. Your stance on masturbation is uptight and prudish. Everyone masturbates, even happily married sexually active people! Except you, evidently. Having said that... his behavior of choosing his hand instead of his wife is NOT OK, and I agree that you shouldn’t accept it. What you SHOULD accept tho is that he’s made up his mind about it and doesn’t give a damn how you feel about it... so your choices are to live with it or leave.
> 
> Are you this uptight and judgemental about other things he (or anyone!) does? He may be rebelling because he’s sick of the judgement.
> 
> ...


No I don’t and I don’t judge him I simple tell him how I feel and that I am not ok with it. I don’t masturbate and that’s my choice


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Jpowers16 said:


> I have told him I am leaving if he don’t get help and he said go


Sounds like you have bigger problems than your husband manually manipulating himself.
Have you tried some finesse, or taking the tact of saying something to the effect of "How can I help increase intimacy in our marriage?" or even just seducing him?
Telling a grown man what he can/can't do isn't going to help you achieve your goal. Working on breaking down the wall between the two of you should be key.
Are you just frustrated or are you always as combative as you come across? You might want want to focus less on demanding compliance to your mandate(s), and strive to develop a demeanor and tone that encourages him to "Put his hand down."
I doubt that he picked masturbation as the topic to go to war over unless that is the last thing that he has any say over in his life. It might be to your benefit to do some self-exploration as to how such a topic became the end all/be all of your marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jpowers16 said:


> I’m not ok with the masturbation at all. I tried the hole I would like to do with and he turns me down he rather do alone the with me


Did the two of you discuss your opinion about masturbation before you married? If so, how did that discussion go?

Very often, when a man withholds sex in a marriage he's doing it because he's angry and it's a passive aggressive way to punish his wife. Passive aggressive people figure out what you want most and use that as tool to hurt you. The fact that he does this in a way that you catch him and/or that you find evidence makes it rather clear that he's paying a game of "catch me if you can". 

How is he at discussing things when he's upset?


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> When did this start?
> What was your sex life like before all this started?
> 
> A marriage in which there is sex 10 or fewer times a year is considered a sexless marriage. Men are as likely to make their marriage sexless as women are. Here is a link to a thread that has a lot of info for women who have this sort of problem in their marriage. It's a long thread so make sure you read at least the first 2 or so pages as there are useful info and resources posted.
> ...


It started a 1 1/2 after we got married after I had my son.
Before it went down hill it was 3-4 times a day


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Did the two of you discuss your opinion about masturbation before you married? If so, how did that discussion go?
> 
> Very often, when a man withholds sex in a marriage he's doing it because he's angry and it's a passive aggressive way to punish his wife. Passive aggressive people figure out what you want most and use that as tool to hurt you. The fact that he does this in a way that you catch him and/or that you find evidence makes it rather clear that he's paying a game of "catch me if you can".
> 
> How is he at discussing things when he's upset?


He NEVER discusses anything when I try he gets mad and leaves


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> Sounds like you have bigger problems than your husband manually manipulating himself.
> Have you tried some finesse, or taking the tact of saying something to the effect of "How can I help increase intimacy in our marriage?" or even just seducing him?
> Telling a grown man what he can/can't do isn't going to help you achieve your goal. Working on breaking down the wall between the two of you should be key.
> Are you just frustrated or are you always as combative as you come across? You might want want to focus less on demanding compliance to your mandate(s), and strive to develop a demeanor and tone that encourages him to "Put his hand down."
> I doubt that he picked masturbation as the topic to go to war over unless that is the last thing that he has any say over in his life. It might be to your benefit to do some self-exploration as to how such a topic became the end all/be all of your marriage.


How would I do that stuff. I DONT DEMADE I SIMPLY TALK


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Guys, he told her she can leave. He is done. OP simply can not accept it at the moment.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> I frequently tell posters here if they don't like the answers, then don't ask the questions. I understand you may not like all the responses you get but if you don't, just move on and ignore them. As far as your husband is concerned, it sounds like he's not going to budge. He told you it's his way or the highway.
> 
> You can't make him change. And, from what you've said, he doesn't want to change at all, no matter how you approach him.
> 
> Since he's choosing to masturbate over having sex with you, do you think something about the marriage - besides sex - is bothering him? Making him resentful? Making him avoid you sexually and emotionally?


Like


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> He NEVER discusses anything when I try he gets mad and leaves


Is this the behavior of someone who loves? No it’s not. Why do you want to be with someone like this?


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> Guys, he told her she can leave. He is done. OP simply can not accept it at the moment.





Girl_power said:


> Is this the behavior of someone who loves? No it’s not. Why do you want to be with someone like this?


Cause I love him


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> Guys, he told her she can leave. He is done. OP simply can not accept it at the moment.


If u have nothing to say nice don’t comment and that’s not how he said it read my stuff


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> If u have nothing to say nice don’t comment and that’s not how he said it read my stuff


He basically said that he would rather divorce than stop masterbating. Is that correct?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Jpowers16 said:


> If u have nothing to say nice don’t comment and that’s not how he said it read my stuff


You mentioned that your husband told you that you could "go." I'm assuming he meant you could leave the marriage if you didn't like his behavior. You also reported he doesn't see his preference to masturbate over having sex with you as a problem.

I don't think people responding to you are trying to be mean. And, from where we sit, we have no way to know the tone of people's voices or the inflection of their voices.

Again, do you think other things about the marriage could be bothering your husband? Granted, it sounds like he doesn't want to discuss anything with you, but could you guess at what might be bothering him? Is he jealous of the baby? Does he feel you give more attention to the baby than him?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Jpowers16 said:


> If u have nothing to say nice don’t comment and that’s not how he said it read my stuff





Jpowers16 said:


> I have told him I am leaving if he don’t get help and he said go


This seems pretty clear to me. When someone shows you who they are or how they feel, you should believe them. He told you to go, which says he has no desire or intentions to change himself for you or the marriage. Hurtful thing to hear from your spouse for sure. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> He basically said that he would rather divorce than stop masterbating. Is that correct?


He rather masturbate then have sex with me


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

3Xnocharm said:


> This seems pretty clear to me. When someone shows you who they are or how they feel, you should believe them. He told you to go, which says he has no desire or intentions to change himself for you or the marriage. Hurtful thing to hear from your spouse for sure.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Yes I agree it is hurtful


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Jpowers16 said:


> How would I do that stuff. I DONT DEMADE I SIMPLY TALK


I don't know if you "DEMADE" or not.
But do you listen?
You have a major disconnect with your husband.
Your husband is totally disconnected from you. It's hard to say why without knowing the two of you.
Obviously he is unhappy, has some physical or mental issues, or is depressed in some manner.
Does he hate his job? his life? Does he have say in the operation of the household?
What is going on that has caused this detachment? What is he pissed off about? What has changed other than your child? Do you disagree on parenting styles? What has changed?
It is hard to guess why he is using beating off as the vehicle to address grievances with you, however he has.
However, the tension and hostility exhibited is palpable and is thick enough to cut with a knife.
You need to focus in on and rectify the reason for the disconnection. The masturbation is merely an "attention getter."


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> He rather masturbate then have sex with me


So knowing this information, what are you going to do?


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> You mentioned that your husband told you that you could "go." I'm assuming he meant you could leave the marriage if you didn't like his behavior. You also reported he doesn't see his preference to masturbate over having sex with you as a problem.
> 
> I don't think people responding to you are trying to be mean. And, from where we sit, we have no way to know the tone of people's voices or the inflection of their voices.
> 
> Again, do you think other things about the marriage could be bothering your husband? Granted, it sounds like he doesn't want to discuss anything with you, but could you guess at what might be bothering him? Is he jealous of the baby? Does he feel you give more attention to the baby than him?


I don’t know he don’t want to communicate with me what so ever and I can’t read minds


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Jpowers16 said:


> If u have nothing to say nice don’t comment and that’s not how he said it read my stuff


omg..... This is not about nice. Your husband is telling you - with words and actions - he does not care about you anymore. He does not want to have sex with you.

Time for you to accept that. Time for you to move on. You can not make him love you. But I think you are too controling for that. You won't accept masturbation, you won't accept divorce. you want his love and affection, and you can not accept that he is not willing to give you these anymore. For whatever reason

I am done. Nothing we say here, gets through to you.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> I don't know if you "DEMADE" or not.
> But do you listen?
> You have a major disconnect with your husband.
> Your husband is totally disconnected from you. It's hard to say why without knowing the two of you.
> ...


We sometimes disagree on parenting but not often. Only thing that has changed was my son


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> I have talked to him and he won’t stop and I am not going to be in a marriage that my husband rather jerk off then have sex with his wife. Masturbation is not ok for me.


This.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> omg..... This is not about nice. Your husband is telling you he does not care about you anymore. He does not want to have sex with you.
> 
> Time for you to accept that. Time for you to move on. You can not make him love you. But I think you are too controling for that. You won't accept masturbation, you won't accept divorce. you want his love and affection, and you can not accept that he is not willing to give you these anymore. For whatever reason
> 
> I am done. Nothing we say here, gets through to you.


How am I controlling really. I talk and try to meet halfway not like u would know


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> So knowing this information, what are you going to do?


Idk


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I wish you luck. Your husband is a jerk and you deserve better.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I wish you luck. Your husband is a jerk and you deserve better.


Thank u. Is there a way I can contact U personally


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> Thank u. Is there a way I can contact U personally


You can always direct message me on here if you need to talk. But my advice is to separate from him.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> You can always direct message me on here if you need to talk. But my advice is to separate from him.


Thank u


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> Yes I want to have sex with him when ever he wants to but he never wants to with me. Masturbationg is not ok with me he has a wife and he don’t need to masturbate and if he feels he needs to then I am done. I am not having a husband who rather masturbate then have sex with his wife


Unfortunately this hard stance from you, as in never ever ever masturbate gives you your answer, then you might as well tell him you're leaving him, and pack your bags.

Masturbation as total replacement of having sex with one's spouse is indeed always a big, huge issue.

Masturbation now and then while one always has sex with their spouse is generally not a huge issue.

I'm getting mixed messages from your posts.


Jpowers16 said:


> I have talked to him and he won’t stop and I am not going to be in a marriage that my husband rather jerk off then have sex with his wife. Masturbation is not ok for me.


To clarify, so you have never masturbated?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Jpowers16 said:


> We sometimes disagree on parenting but not often. Only thing that has changed was my son


That's a start.
How does he feel about his son? Did he want children? Is he happy being a father? What was the disagreement(s) on parenting? What were the outcomes of the disagreement(s)?
The point here is that you need to get all the **** sorted and narrow down on what has your husband so pissed.
Focus down on and tackle the problem, and the symptom will take care of itself.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Unfortunately this hard stance from you, as in never ever ever masturbate gives you your answer, then you might as well tell him you're leaving him, and pack your bags.
> 
> Masturbation as total replacement of having sex with one's spouse is indeed always a big, huge issue.
> 
> ...


No I have never masturbate


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jpowers16 said:


> It started a 1 1/2 after we got married after I had my son.
> Before it went down hill it was 3-4 times a day


Like TXTrini I've been through this too. A lot of the women here on TAM have.

What was his attitude about having a child. Was the pregnancy planned or an accident?

From what you have said, it sounds like your sex life was good during the pregnancy but then fell off after you gave birth. Is that right?

Does he do a fair share of taking care of his son? Some men seem to change after their wife gets pregnant and/or has a child. There is the Madonna/wh-ore complex and some men feel neglected after a child is born because their wife has to spend so much of her time taking care of the baby. I wonder if any of that fits your situation.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> That's a start.
> How does he feel about his son? Did he want children? Is he happy being a father? What was the disagreement(s) on parenting? What were the outcomes of the disagreement(s)?
> The point here is that you need to get all the s**t sorted and narrow down on what has your husband so pissed.
> Focus down on and tackle the problem, and the symptom will take care of itself.


Idk if he wanted another son he already had 2. Disagreements was about the discipline


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Like TXTrini I've been through this too. A lot of the women here on TAM have.
> 
> What was his attitude about having a child. Was the pregnancy planned or an accident?
> 
> ...


It was great till I got pregnant and then as soon as we found out I was pregnant it went down hill. It was planned the pregnancy. No he don’t do anything with his son I do it all. I don’t know


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Jpowers16 said:


> Idk if he wanted another son he already had 2. Disagreements was about the discipline


What was the outcome?
How was it handled?
Was his authority undermined in the process?
Did these issues start after the discipline disagreement(s)?


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> What was the outcome?
> How was it handled?
> Was his authority undermined in the process?
> Did these issues start after the discipline disagreement(s)?


No he u dermineds me all the time. He has to make the rules and everything. Happens both times


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Jpowers16 said:


> No he u dermineds me all the time. He has to make the rules and everything. Happens both times


Undermines me


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> I don’t need negative comments. I don’t nag my husband but when he rather masturbate then have sex with me then that’s an issue. He is the one who chooses not to change. I asked for advice because everything that is being said I have done or tried to do.My husband rather jerk his **** then sleep with his wife that’s a problem. When it use to be 3-4 times a day to 1 time maybe every 4-5 months then u know y have a problem


You may indeed need a few negative comments as many, many problems are hardly ever one sided.

There's a serious problem here, and much empathy to you, and it's a very serious matter in a relationship that has ine party thinking about divorce. 

Both parties being open to improvements is very often what is needed to solve some problems. 

This isn't condemning you but is exploring potential solutions that might work. Because what you're presenting to H now is proven to not be working.

So something different has to be tried.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> Undermines me


Both times? 

Kindly, what does that mean?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Jpowers16 said:


> No he u dermineds me all the time. He has to make the rules and everything. Happens both times


Obviously both parents should be on the same page and present a united front.
Did this issue begin after the discipline disagreement?
I ask this, because the goal is to narrow down the timeframe in which this combativeness started.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Both times?
> 
> Kindly, what does that mean?


When we have a disagreement he undermines what I say and let’s them do whatever they want even if we agree on something he would wait till I leave then do whatever he wants to do


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> Obviously both parents should be on the same page and present a united front.
> Did this issue begin after the discipline disagreement?
> I ask this, because the goal is to narrow down the timeframe in which this combativeness started.


No has been before any disagreements


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Tdbo said:


> Sounds like you have bigger problems than your husband manually manipulating himself.
> Have you tried some finesse, or taking the tact of saying something to the effect of "How can I help increase intimacy in our marriage?" or even just seducing him?
> Telling a grown man what he can/can't do isn't going to help you achieve your goal. Working on breaking down the wall between the two of you should be key.
> Are you just frustrated or are you always as combative as you come across? You might want want to focus less on demanding compliance to your mandate(s), and strive to develop a demeanor and tone that encourages him to "Put his hand down."
> I doubt that he picked masturbation as the topic to go to war over unless that is the last thing that he has any say over in his life. It might be to your benefit to do some self-exploration as to how such a topic became the end all/be all of your marriage.


Bingo.

Uncle for me, or let's just say I'm tappin' out.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Jpowers16 said:


> No has been before any disagreements


Go back in your memory and think about what happened or was going on about the time that he started this action.
What tension/conflict was going on just before this started?
Could he be doing this not so much as release, but merely to get you PO'd ?


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> Is it normal for my husband to always jerking off instead of having sex with me. Then when I catch him he denies it fully and starts a fight when I have evidence that he was. What should I do because I have tried to sit him down and tell him how I feel about the situation and he never wants to talk about it. He changes the subject and fights about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO


lol
I have "evidence" That cracks me up....and makes me wonder what the evidence is.

Anyway, that is a tough one. 
In a healthy marriage (well a couple will have regular sex) all it takes is for one partner to openly share that something is bothering them and hurting them for the other partner to take it seriously and want to work on a solution. If one partner just ignores the their partners issue and gets mad about it...that is hard to overcome. 

I do not know the manner in which you confront. If it wasn't spoken in love and neutral emotion and framed in a way that enlightens how it makes you feel, how you feel hurt, you feel alone, you feel neglected, you feel unwanted then you may bring it up again in this way. 

If that is the way you broached the topic and you still had your feelings and hurt thrown back in your face and scoffed at then you've got a tough road regarding this because his heart is so hard.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jpowers16 said:


> It was great till I got pregnant and then as soon as we found out I was pregnant it went down hill. It was planned the pregnancy. No he don’t do anything with his son I do it all. I don’t know


So he was 100% into the idea of you getting pregnant?

Was he married to the mother of his other children? Do you know why they divorced?

Before things started to go downhill, was he able to talk about his emotions with you?

It's pretty clear that your husband is harboring anger at you. As I said earlier, it sounds like instead of him dealing directly with the issues and talking to you, he's being passive aggressive and punishing you. He seems to be purposely punishing you for whatever issues are going on in his head.

If you want to get his attention you have to stop your predictable behavior. He knows that he will get to you with his masturbating and withholding sex. There is a good book that has some suggestions on how to do this. The book is "Love Busters". It has a chapter that addresses how to change the environment of your marriage to get your spouse's attention. I highly suggest you read the book and pay a lot of attention to that chapter. What you are doing is not working so you need to do something very different. 

I've suggested two books ... "The Sex Starved Wife" and "Divorce Busting". They are both written by Michele Weiner Davis. They are excellent books and have helped a lot of people. You could read them and try what they suggest. If it works, great! If it does not work in 6 months, then it's probably time to leave this guy because he's being cruel. He knows that sex is important to you and he's withholding it and flaunting his masturbating to punish you.

I was married to a guy who withheld sex for several years. Why? He would never talk about it. He would never deal with the issues, whatever they were. I have no idea what they were because he would not talk about it. I finally divorced him because I will not stay in a sexless marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

hinterdir said:


> lol
> I have "evidence" That cracks me up....and makes me wonder what the evidence is.


It probably means something like a trash can full of TP that's clearly been used for that. Or clothing, washcloths, etc., with semen all over it left out where she can find it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

There are borderline too many requests from OP to contact folks directly, for ability to PM for having just opened an acct 17 hours ago.

And too many circular responses and digs to get others' ire up.

I might and certainly could be mistaken but the last multiple quick exchanges by OP lead me to think this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jpowers16 said:


> No he u dermineds me all the time. He has to make the rules and everything. Happens both times


"both times" do you mean that you two have fought over rules with you son two times? It's not clear.

Could you give us an example of one of the times he's done this?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Quick question to JP:
Is your son about 9 months old?
Just checking to make sure I am keeping up.
No advice yet.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> It was great till I got pregnant and then as soon as we found out I was pregnant it went down hill. It was planned the pregnancy. No he don’t do anything with his son I do it all. I don’t know


I know many men who have active sex with their wives who then change...many times they may just not find their wives physically attractive any more.
Sorry to be personal but I must ask just to rule this out if not the case.
Did pregnancy hit you hard? For example, did this pregnancy transform you....like from a 130 pound woman to a 200 pound woman....something like that?
Or did you go back to roughly the same body as before with just a few new stretch marks?
If you totally transformed into an unhealthy, overweight body type that could be an angle and he just hasn't said.
However, if not then back to the drawing board.
It is illogical for a man to be an available partner for 1.5 and then suddenly sexually abandon his mate. That makes no sense.
Was there a big disagreement where he could be resenting you terribly? Maybe he has become majorly addicted to porn (to the point of choosing it over you) and he has just hid it from you well up until now.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Jpowers16 said:


> It was great till I got pregnant and then as soon as we found out I was pregnant it went down hill. It was planned the pregnancy. No he don’t do anything with his son I do it all. I don’t know


I know many men who have active sex with their wives who then change...many times they may just not find their wives physically attractive any more.
Sorry to be personal but I must ask just to rule this out if not the case.
Did pregnancy hit you hard? For example, did this pregnancy transform you....like from a 130 pound woman to a 200 pound woman....something like that?
Or did you go back to roughly the same body as before with just a few new stretch marks?
If you totally transformed into an unhealthy, overweight body type that could be an angle and he just hasn't said.
However, if not then back to the drawing board.
It is illogical for a man to be an available partner for 1.5 and then suddenly sexually abandon his mate. That makes no sense.
Was there a big disagreement where he could be resenting you terribly?
Maybe he has become majorly addicted to porn (to the point of choosing it over you) and he has just hid it from you well up until now.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> Go back in your memory and think about what happened or was going on about the time that he started this action.
> What tension/conflict was going on just before this started?
> Could he be doing this not so much as release, but merely to get you PO'd ?


It all started when we got married he did the day after


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

hinterdir said:


> lol
> I have "evidence" That cracks me up....and makes me wonder what the evidence is.
> 
> Anyway, that is a tough one.
> ...


I did it that way


----------



## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> So he was 100% into the idea of you getting pregnant?
> 
> Was he married to the mother of his other children? Do you know why they divorced?
> 
> ...


Yes he was on board about the pregnancy and no he was never married to his sons mothers. Not able to talk about his emotions from day one.


Mr. Nail said:


> Quick question to JP:
> Is your son about 9 months old?
> Just checking to make sure I am keeping up.
> No advice yet.


my son will be 4


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

hinterdir said:


> I know many men who have active sex with their wives who then change...many times they may just not find their wives physically attractive any more.
> Sorry to be personal but I must ask just to rule this out if not the case.
> Did pregnancy hit you hard? For example, did this pregnancy transform you....like from a 130 pound woman to a 200 pound woman....something like that?
> Or did you go back to roughly the same body as before with just a few new stretch marks?
> ...


Before I got pregnant I was about 170 pounds now after I am 215


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Jpowers16 said:


> It all started when we got married he did the day after


That's all I've got.
If he won't open up and work with you to build a relationship you both can be proud of and benefit from, or is unwilling to seek help, you probably don't have many other options then divorce.
Best of luck to you.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

So, if I'm understanding you, from the first day you were married, your husband hasn't been treating you with respect. 

Perhaps what you should examine more closely is why you tolerate his poor treatment of you rather than trying to figure out why he masturbates.


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> That's all I've got.
> If he won't open up and work with you to build a relationship you both can be proud of and benefit from, or is unwilling to seek help, you probably don't have many other options then divorce.
> Best of luck to you.


He won’t seek help won’t compromise with me with anything


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## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> So, if I'm understanding you, from the first day you were married, your husband hasn't been treating you with respect.
> 
> Perhaps what you should examine more closely is why you tolerate his poor treatment of you rather than trying to figure out why he masturbates.


He was masturbation the day after we got married but he has always treated me good the first 1 1/2 of our marriage


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

He treated you well at the beginning of the marriage, but it sounds like that flew out the window a long time ago. So as of today you are putting up with disrespect from him. You cannot live in the past. While he was okay way back when, he's been a jerk for a number of years. Since he refuses to speak to you about the situation and undermines you a great deal, what do you think you can do about this now? You don't want to divorce him. He doesn't want to listen to what you have to say. Sounds like a standoff to me.

Can you live with that indefinitely? Because I don't see that he is going to change one bit.


----------



## Jpowers16 (Apr 21, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> He treated you well at the beginning of the marriage, but it sounds like that flew out the window a long time ago. So as of today you are putting up with disrespect from him. You cannot live in the past. While he was okay way back when, he's been a jerk for a number of years. Since he refuses to speak to you about the situation and undermines you a great deal, what do you think you can do about this now? You don't want to divorce him. He doesn't want to listen to what you have to say. Sounds like a standoff to me.
> 
> Can you live with that indefinitely? Because I don't see that he is going to change one bit.


I don’t see that either it is hard as h***


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jpowers16 said:


> Before I got pregnant I was about 170 pounds now after I am 215


Your pregnancy related weight gain might be part of the issue. There are a fair number of men who are turned off when their wife gains a lot of weight. Pregnancy often changes a woman's appearance and fair or not, their husband reacts badly to it.

What are you doing for yourself? Do you work out at all? I mentioned earlier about you doing things to change the environment. One very good thing you could do along these lines is to start focusing on yourself. Join a gym and work out.

What kind of socializing do you do? Do you have friends and family that you do things with? If so, what sort of things do you do with them?

Focus on yourself.

I've been meaning to ask, do you work at a job? If so, how many hours a week do you work? Does he work?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jpowers16 said:


> Thank u. Is there a way I can contact U personally


Jpowers, please check your private message/conversations.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Jpowers16 said:


> That’s what my husband says to so he don’t have to talk about it with me. Do I have a direct way to contact u if I need to chat or anything


Sure. Let me see if I can PM you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

OP is banned because she asked that her account be deleted.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Aha.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Guess the hubby wasn't the only one "Jerking off."


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

I agree with most in that he is robbing you of sex as if he does it in that way his mind is probably on some other fantasy/porn woman. I admit that I do it as a kind of game wanting to be caught. I only ever think of her but somehow I get a kick in pretending so that she will see. I suppose that I am an exhibitionist but only always to her. Not all the time of course but now and again. She is game and seems to like it. I would never ever do it out of relationship with her. I think it is wrong but how to get him to see that is the question. I had a friend who had a masturbation habit then got married but carried on with it. I was able to say you are robbing her and it worked. Perhaps get another man friend to tell him? It is quite serious I think and something needs to happen to save the marriage.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

one more thing: I just notice post where you said sex ended right after getting married. Are you both of strong conservative, religious background, where things like homosexuality and masturbation are forbidden?
It just crossed my mind that hi might be gay, but has to hide it, and getting married was a good cover up. Just a thought, not saying this is the case.


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