# Am I wrong?



## depressed_Red (May 28, 2008)

My husband and I have been together for almost 9 yrs and married for almost 7. We have two wonderful boys that adore both of us. I always thought we had everything. In the past year things started going south for us. My husband cheated on me with an old friend of mine while high on cocaine. He came home and told me right away. I gave him an ultimatum. Me or the powder. He chose me thankfully. However, he never really paid for what he did, instead he got a new motorcycle and an xbox 360. We fight and argue all the time. If he has a bad day at work he comes home and takes it out on me. He says I don't keep the house clean like he wants. The only thing he is responsible for is going to work. I do EVERYTHING else. I also work part time teaching private music lessons a couple days a week. I contribute half of my earnings towards bills. I have to do ALL the cooking and cleaning (even taking out the trash) as well as pay the bills, take care of the kids, do all the grocery shopping, etc. Then after he has blown up at me on the phone about nothing, he expects to come home to me and I am just supposed to be ready to go to bed with him like nothing ever happened. The scar of him cheating is still with me and it's been a year. I try not to hold it against him but the other day he called me by her name, he immediately tried to make some lame excuse. I know he isn't in contact with her (she lives in KY) He says on occasion that he "owns" me. I may not know how difficult his job is, but he gives me absolutely no credit or praise for anything I do, it's never good enough for him. I am so confused, I don't want to break up our home, but I am dealing with so much pain, and he is doing nothing to help the situation.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Your relationship was broken at several levels and you need help in getting it back together. Turn here for support but you need to seek counsel together. You have drug abuse, infidelity, a lack of respect and love as well as a lot of confusion. Your husband is wrong, just because he works full time at what may be a difficult job, does not mean he gets a free pass at home. He needs to pick up his share. He also needs to respect what you do and complement you for those things. He should never berate your physical appearance. In fairness to his moodiness, he may still be in withdrawal from the drugs. The X-box and motor cycle my be substitutes for the addition. Has he seen professionals about kicking? High or not the affair was unacceptable and it will take time for you to fully forgive him and trust in him again. But he is not helping. There are a lot of issues here. Prioritize your needs from your wants and start to work together to solve some of them. I know a year is a long time but recoveries can take a long time when there are so many problems. Good luck and bless.


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## mollyL (Dec 31, 2007)

Although his quick affair would seem to be the crux of your relationship troubles, I suspect that it is only the tip of the iceberg. Both of you seem to have built up all these other problems in front of you for protection while you lob accusations at each other. Counseling, and quick, is the only way to untangle all these problems. Both of you also need to consider your kids in this. They can't possibly be unaware of your problems. They could probably benefit from counseling as well. Perhaps after you and your husband are on a bit firmer ground relationship-wise you all might try family counseling.


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## gateway#1 (Jun 4, 2008)

Drug abuse is not somrhing that people just "stop" because their wife wants them to. It is an addiction that will continue until he gets professional help, if even then. Drug addictions ruins peoples lives and drive into a grave, leaving a path of destruction in its place. He is likely still using, you just don't know about it. For your own and kids sake, get out.
If he cleans up and you can verify it, you could start working on all the other issues you mention in your post.


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## happilymarried67 (May 7, 2008)

depressed_Red said:


> My husband and I have been together for almost 9 yrs and married for almost 7. We have two wonderful boys that adore both of us. I always thought we had everything. In the past year things started going south for us. My husband cheated on me with an old friend of mine while high on cocaine. He came home and told me right away. I gave him an ultimatum. Me or the powder. He chose me thankfully. However, he never really paid for what he did, instead he got a new motorcycle and an xbox 360. We fight and argue all the time. If he has a bad day at work he comes home and takes it out on me. He says I don't keep the house clean like he wants. The only thing he is responsible for is going to work. I do EVERYTHING else. I also work part time teaching private music lessons a couple days a week. I contribute half of my earnings towards bills. I have to do ALL the cooking and cleaning (even taking out the trash) as well as pay the bills, take care of the kids, do all the grocery shopping, etc. Then after he has blown up at me on the phone about nothing, he expects to come home to me and I am just supposed to be ready to go to bed with him like nothing ever happened. The scar of him cheating is still with me and it's been a year. I try not to hold it against him but the other day he called me by her name, he immediately tried to make some lame excuse. I know he isn't in contact with her (she lives in KY) He says on occasion that he "owns" me. I may not know how difficult his job is, but he gives me absolutely no credit or praise for anything I do, it's never good enough for him. I am so confused, I don't want to break up our home, but I am dealing with so much pain, and he is doing nothing to help the situation.


OMG I take out the trash too. You work part time and have two kids. I feel for you there but I do the same as you without the part time work and my husband says he could never do my job. It comes with the territory and I am happy in my territory. That isn't the root of the problems is it? You do more work than he does? I think most woman do more than the man (not all the time) but alot of the time.

You say that he never paid for his mistake, how do you need him to pay for this??

Also, you say that he was high on cocaine, do you think he needs to go to NA or seek some help here???

If you are both willing to get some help I think it would be a good idea for both of you. You have alot of resentment but I would be worried about the addiction that your hubby has. I see he buys stuff when he feels bad to make himself feel better. I see he endulges in illegal activites to make himself feel better, and he cheated on you. That says alot right there to me about his self-esteem and how he is working with addictive behavoirs to find happiness when he should be finding them with you. Just an observance.


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