# Still haven't been served



## donewithit11 (Oct 18, 2017)

My wife and I have been separated for 3 months with no contact at all. She filed for divorce on Oct 6th after a huge fight (no violence) But some nasty words. She wanted me to leave the house and I refused. So the next day she got a restraining order on me and I had to leave the house. My question is why would she file for divorce and not serve me the papers? Or speak to me? She has 30 more days before it expires and she has to go through the process all over again. I'm just confused if she hated me as much as she said she did that night and could get a damn restraining order on me for nothing, why not follow through? She knows where I am to serve me. And before anyone says why don't I file or finish the process, short answer I don't want the divorce and she knows this. I did talk to her one time after all this went down like 2 days later. I just texted her why can't we work on ourselves then come back and work on the marriage, she didn't reply. I never begged etc. I got myself into therapy and have lost a ton of weight. I'm starting to feel good about myself again I just feel stuck. Any advice would be great, maybe someone who has gone through something similar? Also I know for a fact there is no one else. We just started fighting a lot and our communication went to poo big time and our last fight was what made her run out and file the next day etc...


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Good for you working on yourself,and the weight loss.


Put a time frame of how long you want to live in limbo and when it expires move on.


Good luck!


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

explain to me on what grounds and there must be evidence to place a RO on you


----------



## donewithit11 (Oct 18, 2017)

I live in FL you don't need grounds for an RO


----------



## donewithit11 (Oct 18, 2017)

That's the thing how do you know when to give up and just move on? Especially with this one little bit of hope by her not pushing the divorce?


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

donewithit11 said:


> I live in FL you don't need grounds for an RO


that is BS...and does that mean you have no access to your own house? i am guessing you still are paying the mortgage?

is she seeing someone ?


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

donewithit11 said:


> That's the thing how do you know when to give up and just move on? Especially with this one little bit of hope by her not pushing the divorce?



I'd think a few months of no contact would be enough to drive home the point that the marriage is over. And why on God's green Earth would you want to reconcile with a woman who took out a restraining order on you under presumable false pretenses? That's just...insane. Once someone plants a knife in your back you don't turn around to give them a shot at stabbing you in the chest, too.


----------



## donewithit11 (Oct 18, 2017)

No I moved to be with her it's her house. We have no connections to tie us together at all. No kids funds etc.. Should of been a simple dissolution divorce. We shared a bank account and some other things but that was all taken care of in the first week of all this mess.


----------



## donewithit11 (Oct 18, 2017)

I understand that as humans we do sheet out of anger she was very pissed at the time when all this went down. We had been fighting a lot and some stuff got said etc...I mean how do people come back to each other when cheated on? If she would of hit me or abused me in some way sure I wouldn't give her a second thought. Thing is she wanted space and wanted me out the house I refused so she took action.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

What's stopping you from filing?


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

donewithit11 said:


> I understand that as humans we do sheet out of anger she was very pissed at the time when all this went down. We had been fighting a lot and some stuff got said etc...I mean how do people come back to each other when cheated on? If she would of hit me or abused me in some way sure I wouldn't give her a second thought. Thing is she wanted space and wanted me out the house I refused so she took action.


She's made her position very clear. If she was just temporarily angry she wouldn't have maintained no contact for months on end. She doesn't want to be married to you. Couples who reconcile after affairs usually do so because they BOTH want to repair their marriage. Your wife has said and shown you she is not interested in repairing your marriage. Let her go.


----------



## donewithit11 (Oct 18, 2017)

If she was so done with the marriage then why not finish the divorce? Why drag on serving me my papers? Which brings me to my original question lol


----------



## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Why should she serve you? Your out of the house, she has all the space she wants to do whatever (and whomever) she wants and you wait around willing to be an option she may never exercise. 

She can even run up debt and stiff you with part or all of it in the divorce. Don't believe me? Look up "joint and severable liability" and make sure you have a bucket nearby to puke in.

Sounds like a win/win to me. For her.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

donewithit11 said:


> If she was so done with the marriage then why not finish the divorce? Why drag on serving me my papers? Which brings me to my original question lol


Look, the woman left you for another man, came back, married you, kicked you out after less than a year of marriage, filed a restraining order, filed for divorce, and hasn't contacted you or responded to contact from you. Do any of those actions read to you like a woman who loves her estranged husband and wants to save their marriage or who would even be a decent long term partner if she did?

Who cares why she does what she does? Just be happy you didn't knock her up and move on.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You want someone to tell you there's still a chance she'll take you back because you haven't been served. She's the only one who knows whether she will or not and she's not talking. So put the focus on you and not on her.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Why do the specifics matter?
Many people prefer having cake and eating it, too.

She might not want to be married to you, but she probably also doesn't like the prospect of being divorced for one reason or another.

Do YOU want to live in limbo? If not, then you go file. Don't wait for someone else (who doesn't care about you) to decide your future for you.


----------



## donewithit11 (Oct 18, 2017)

I finally found out she just got with someone recently. So I emailed her new boyfriend and asked what was taking so long with my divorce papers. He said that she said I was evading the process and I made sure to tell him that was not the case that I have been waiting on them etc... So where do I go from here? why would she lie to her new man? makes no sense to me. I am not a back up option so I made sure to tell her new dude to tell her to serve me.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Just go have her served. I still don't understand why you must wait for her.


----------



## donewithit11 (Oct 18, 2017)

She filed I didn't. How would I finish the process? Do I have to go to the county where she filed?


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

donewithit11 said:


> I finally found out she just got with someone recently. So I emailed her new boyfriend and asked what was taking so long with my divorce papers. He said that she said I was evading the process and I made sure to tell him that was not the case that I have been waiting on them etc... So where do I go from here? why would she lie to her new man? makes no sense to me. I am not a back up option so I made sure to tell her new dude to tell her to serve me.


You are the backup plan in her head so she lies and evades getting it done. This isn't unusual, your outta sight outta mind to her right now while explores her new world of acting single. If it all falls apart, she can come back to you if she chooses so even though she filed she doesn't take any other steps to finish anything. 

The time limit for her to have you served could very well have run out by now, each state is different. Waiting for her to move things along is often a futile exercise. You can file your own divorce petition and get her served. People file and counterfIle all the time.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You said you'd been fighting a lot.

About what?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

donewithit11 said:


> I live in FL you don't need grounds for an RO


That's no true. There is a section on the form for listing allegations.


https://www.avvo.com/legal-guides/ugc/how-to-get-a-restraining-order-in-florida


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long have the two of you been married?

You need to get a lawyer and have them check out the status of the divorce. There are ways to get a divorce through without having to physically serve the other spouse.... like saying that your last known address is the one where she lives. That she could not find you to serve you, etc.


----------



## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

I very doubt that she filed for divorce you been served already. It's not like an act of congress for this to happen you either got served or you didn't. She would at least prove your where abouts and an alternative address or a place of employment and a sheriff would personally in person would hand you over the divorce papers. It's not like a waiting period as soon as she files its a matter of 3 if not 4 days at the very most. So if I'm correct she hasn't filed yet. But just a but if she contacted a lawyer and has it drafted up but not served just drop by and put you john hancock on the papers and go your merry way that is what I done. I was never served but it was drafted up so I just dropped by and signed it and left. 1 year late she put it thu the court and judge signed it end of story. 
Now if you want to save the marriage at this point I think wait it out for 2 more months no contact and just write her a letter. I think that is your best bet. I just think there's too much chaos just to talk it out face to face.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jlcrome said:


> I very doubt that she filed for divorce you been served already. It's not like an act of congress for this to happen you either got served or you didn't. She would at least prove your where abouts and an alternative address or a place of employment and a sheriff would personally in person would hand you over the divorce papers. It's not like a waiting period as soon as she files its a matter of 3 if not 4 days at the very most. So if I'm correct she hasn't filed yet. But just a but if she contacted a lawyer and has it drafted up but not served just drop by and put you john hancock on the papers and go your merry way that is what I done. I was never served but it was drafted up so I just dropped by and signed it and left. 1 year late she put it thu the court and judge signed it end of story.
> Now if you want to save the marriage at this point I think wait it out for 2 more months no contact and just write her a letter. I think that is your best bet. I just think there's too much chaos just to talk it out face to face.


A few years ago one of my brothers filed for divorce as he and his wife had been separated for a few months. When his lawyer filed, the lawyer found out that his wife had filed for divorce about 6 months earlier but never had him served. See, out of spite, she filed the day that he was schedule for some pretty serious surgery. But then it was touch and go for months, so she thought he was going to die... as she wanted to make sure that if he did die, she basically won.

So no, the sheriff does not automatically serve divorce papers on someone. Instead in a lot of places, the person filing, or their layer, has to arrange for someone to serve the divorce papers. And they can actually play some games and somehow 'miss' serving their spouse.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Why would she lie to the new guy? Maybe she's not sure about divorce yet (or him) -- and you're Plan B in case Plan A doesn't work out. 

Do you have proof she filed?


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

donewithit11 said:


> I finally found out she just got with someone recently. So I emailed her new boyfriend and asked what was taking so long with my divorce papers. He said that she said I was evading the process and I made sure to tell him that was not the case that I have been waiting on them etc... So where do I go from here? why would she lie to her new man? makes no sense to me. I am not a back up option so I made sure to tell her new dude to tell her to serve me.


Trying to figure out why a liar lies will get you nothing.

She’s cheated AND filed a restraining order against you — why do you need to know more than that?

File yourself and have _her_ served.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

donewithit11 said:


> I understand that as humans we do sheet out of anger she was very pissed at the time when all this went down. We had been fighting a lot and some stuff got said etc...I mean how do people come back to each other when cheated on? If she would of hit me or abused me in some way sure I wouldn't give her a second thought. Thing is she wanted space and wanted me out the house I refused so she took action.


When a woman files a restraining order to remove you from her house, is not talking to you, she is done. You've got a police record showing a restraining order was taken out on you, that's forever.

Perhaps it's best to take a hint, even if there isn't someone else she's taken steps to cut you out her life.

She can divorce anytime she wants, all the power is in her hands, and you..

You'll twist in the wind for as long as she wants. That's no life, especially when she finally starts dating someone else.


----------



## donewithit11 (Oct 18, 2017)

Hello all. She did file on Oct 6th we were still living under the same roof at the time so when she filled the paper work out she put that address. The next day I left (2am) and the papers went unserved and she never reserved me any paper work. She is with someone else and she lied to her new dude saying I was evading the process and being served which was and is not the case. If her intentions were for me to be her back up plan I will not fall for it I am number 1 or nothing at all. She doesn't know how to be single and jumps from one relationship to the next her entire life. Since I can't talk to her I asked her new man to tell her to serve my paper work I have been waiting 3 months for. I am going to call the court house tomorrow and ask them how to finish the process. I am unsure why she lied to her new man and I could really care less. She is toxic and I just want to put all this behind me. As far as the fighting we would get into arguments with her saying I don't love her anymore cause I refused to argue with her over little stuff. She would go into silent treatments for days. She didn't know how to have a conversation with me without yelling or telling me to go die, then come back with a card or a stuffed animal saying sorry and she will learn how to talk. I gave up really in a sense I still showed her love and affection but kind of withdrew and got depressed. And the more I withdrew the louder she got. Then the lies came started telling all her friends and family lies about me and so on. Our last fight she called her bestfriend over who is a cop and then they both started in on me while trying to sleep so I got up packed my stuff and left and that was that. I talked to her two days later asking if she wanted to talk and work things out she said yes I came back to her house and she had me served with my temporary restraining order


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Well at least you know where you stand don't you.

Move on and never look back.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I'm nOT sure but an RO may go on your record.

I'd check with an attorney you maybe able to file for false charges here. At least get it expunged from your record.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

She sounds incredibly emotionally immature.

Heal and s find an adult to have a relationship with.


----------



## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

donewithit11 said:


> Hello all. She did file on Oct 6th we were still living under the same roof at the time so when she filled the paper work out she put that address. The next day I left (2am) and the papers went unserved and she never reserved me any paper work. She is with someone else and she lied to her new dude saying I was evading the process and being served which was and is not the case. If her intentions were for me to be her back up plan I will not fall for it I am number 1 or nothing at all. She doesn't know how to be single and jumps from one relationship to the next her entire life. Since I can't talk to her I asked her new man to tell her to serve my paper work I have been waiting 3 months for. I am going to call the court house tomorrow and ask them how to finish the process. I am unsure why she lied to her new man and I could really care less. She is toxic and I just want to put all this behind me. As far as the fighting we would get into arguments with her saying I don't love her anymore cause I refused to argue with her over little stuff. She would go into silent treatments for days. She didn't know how to have a conversation with me without yelling or telling me to go die, then come back with a card or a stuffed animal saying sorry and she will learn how to talk. I gave up really in a sense I still showed her love and affection but kind of withdrew and got depressed. And the more I withdrew the louder she got. Then the lies came started telling all her friends and family lies about me and so on. Our last fight she called her bestfriend over who is a cop and then they both started in on me while trying to sleep so I got up packed my stuff and left and that was that. I talked to her two days later asking if she wanted to talk and work things out she said yes I came back to her house and she had me served with my temporary restraining order


Hard won experience.

Never - EVER - break the silence.

It proves to the other you can't handle conflict.


----------

