# daughter having abortion - help me cope!



## golfergirl

*daughter having abortion - help me cope! UPDATE; I'm gonna be a grandma!*

My daughter is 20. She's been in a relationship for 6 months with a 2d year old man. He's employed in a career with a house and settled. My daughter has 9 months left to get a community college degree. She's pregnant and has chosen abortion. Just need some words of encouragement to deal with it. Her man would support her either way - and I know it's not my life. I'm just feeling sad for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NewlyWedMomy

First off... :::HUGS:::

I can't imagine how you are feeling or what's going through your head cause I myself am prolife.. but that's neither here nor there!!!

All I can say is to exspress how you feel to your daughter, don't bottle it up till you just bite her head off one day. You have to also respect her feelings and descion... maybe she feels like this isn't for her! You never know... just try and support her and yet express your emotion about this topic.


----------



## Riverside MFT

This hurts not only because it is your daughter, but because it would have been your future grandchild. You daughter should talk with other women who have been through the abortion process. She should also know the facts. Depression seems to be a very common mental health issue in women who have had abortions. I have worked with numerous women who have had abortions and many of them think about and regret that particular decision every day of their life (even after 30+ years).


----------



## golfergirl

Riverside MFT said:


> This hurts not only because it is your daughter, but because it would have been your future grandchild. You daughter should talk with other women who have been through the abortion process. She should also know the facts. Depression seems to be a very common mental health issue in women who have had abortions. I have worked with numerous women who have had abortions and many of them think about and regret that particular decision every day of their life (even after 30+ years).


That is what I encouraged her to do. She suffers from PCOS so getting pregnant may not be easy. The young man said he'd support her regardless her choice. His mom was a young mom (now 44) and I'm 42 with a 10 month old and 3 year old. They would have support. But I do understand it is her choice, but she made it and found out the same day. I fear she may regret her decision someday. I grieve for me and part of me is angry that she was careless enough to have this happen. She figured she didn't have to worry because of the PCOS. I know it's her, not I that lives with the consequences so I am not pushing. I really just wish I didn't know!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SadSamIAm

Have you offered to help? 

She may be feeling overwhelmed that this is happening when she is so young and in college. She may not want the abortion, but feels this is her only choice.

It would be a huge decision to offer to look after the baby for a year until she finishes school. Not sure if that is an option for you. Maybe suggest putting the baby up for adoption. 

I am pro-life so I would favor having the baby and giving it up for adoption. I don't think I would want the responsibility of looking after a baby at this point in my life. But you never know what you might do for one of your children until you are faced with the decision.


----------



## Cherry

golfergirl said:


> That is what I encouraged her to do. She suffers from PCOS so getting pregnant may not be easy. The young man said he'd support her regardless her choice. His mom was a young mom (now 44) and I'm 42 with a 10 month old and 3 year old. They would have support. But I do understand it is her choice, but she made it and found out the same day. I fear she may regret her decision someday. I grieve for me and part of me is angry that she was careless enough to have this happen. She figured she didn't have to worry because of the PCOS. I know it's her, not I that lives with the consequences so I am not pushing. I really just wish I didn't know!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


HUGS to you  I guess I'm reading that she did already do it, so really no amount of trying to get her not to do it will help at this point. I have a 17 year old, so I know this could be me any day writing this too. I tease my daughter and her boyfriend about winding up pregnant when we have 3 year old twins in the house... But in reality, I know what you are going through would be so very difficult, and as much as I would want to support my daughter in whatever decision she made, it would hurt. I hope time will help you through this.


----------



## golfergirl

Cherry said:


> HUGS to you  I guess I'm reading that she did already do it, so really no amount of trying to get her not to do it will help at this point. I have a 17 year old, so I know this could be me any day writing this too. I tease my daughter and her boyfriend about winding up pregnant when we have 3 year old twins in the house... But in reality, I know what you are going through would be so very difficult, and as much as I would want to support my daughter in whatever decision she made, it would hurt. I hope time will help you through this.


She didn't do it yet. I would take the baby in a heartbeat for a year - forver! My youngest is 10 months old - it's not like I'm far removed from that stage. I too am pro-life, for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cherry

golfergirl said:


> She didn't do it yet. I would take the baby in a heartbeat for a year - forver! My youngest is 10 months old - it's not like I'm far removed from that stage. I too am pro-life, for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I know it's her choice, but I can tell you a story  I had my 17 year old when I had 2 years left of college (on a 4 year degree), and quite honestly, having her was the best choice I made. My daughter was the result of a one night stand and of course I entertained the abortion idea, but something in me couldn't do it. I finished school more determined then ever thanks to my precious daughter. It was a struggle financially and emotionally, but my own mother was a great support to me too. Without her, I would not and could not have done it. I wish you and your daughter all the best with this situation.


----------



## golfergirl

Cherry said:


> Well I know it's her choice, but I can tell you a story  I had my 17 year old when I had 2 years left of college (on a 4 year degree), and quite honestly, having her was the best choice I made. My daughter was the result of a one night stand and of course I entertained the abortion idea, but something in me couldn't do it. I finished school more determined then ever thanks to my precious daughter. It was a struggle financially and emotionally, but my own mother was a great support to me too. Without her, I would not and could not have done it. I wish you and your daughter all the best with this situation.


Thank you for sharing your story and thanks to everyone for their support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## golfergirl

HAPPY UDATE - my daughter is having the baby. Her man, his mom and our family are all pitching in to help her finish school (last month) and it will be great. They came to decision on their own!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cherry

golfergirl said:


> HAPPY UDATE - my daughter is having the baby. Her man, his mom and our family are all pitching in to help her finish school (last month) and it will be great. They came to decision on their own!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's awesome! I am SOOOOOO happy for YOU especially and for everyone :smthumbup:


----------



## YinPrincess

golfergirl said:


> HAPPY UDATE - my daughter is having the baby. Her man, his mom and our family are all pitching in to help her finish school (last month) and it will be great. They came to decision on their own!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Wonderful!! This gave me some perspective on why my own mom was going bonkers when I thought about abortion... (my husband and I also came to decide to have the baby on our own).


----------



## WhereAmI

golfergirl said:


> HAPPY UDATE - my daughter is having the baby. Her man, his mom and our family are all pitching in to help her finish school (last month) and it will be great. They came to decision on their own!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Congrats, Grandma!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## looking4support

golfergirl said:


> HAPPY UDATE - my daughter is having the baby. Her man, his mom and our family are all pitching in to help her finish school (last month) and it will be great. They came to decision on their own!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What a wonderful decision she made! Congratulations!!!


----------



## golfergirl

looking4support said:


> What a wonderful decision she made! Congratulations!!!


Thank you! Can we say congrats 'Hot Grandma' haha! I'm so thrilled. So is she and her man! He came over yesterday (she's attending school an hour away until May) and he's making plans, buying a house, getting her a more reliable car, how work schedules would work (her and I could trade babysitting) all the baby stuff we can give her (our littlest is 10 months old). Stepdad (my H) is offering to take a turn (shiftworker with 5 days off in a row) babysitting to get her through last month of school. And my daughter is thrilled and excited!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## golfergirl

YinPrincess said:


> Wonderful!! This gave me some perspective on why my own mom was going bonkers when I thought about abortion... (my husband and I also came to decide to have the baby on our own).


I'm not particularly religious so it's not religion that makes me pro-life. It's just that I saw how formed a 24 week old baby is (I lost a baby at 24 weeks) and it's just emotional - as in what she'll never get to experience like first day of school, first kiss, first love. It's so hard to explain. If someone other than me or my family wanted an abortion, I wouldn't be judging. She just had all the help in the world and timing was out by manybe 2 years. She's awesome with her baby brothers - it just seemed a shame.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

grats golfergirl! It is wonderful to hear how your family's love helped her make her decision!


----------



## FirstYearDown

I only hope that your daughter really wants to be a parent and that she did not keep the baby, because she was being pressured.


----------

