# Seems to be common issue but heres my story



## myhusband&facebook (Feb 8, 2011)

My husband and I have been together for 19 years and married for over 15 years. We've had good times and bad times. Lately things have been pretty tough..we are like roommates who share a house and children. Last Spring we went to marriage counseling to discuss the state of our marriage. We received ways to work on our relationship...he said he would work on it whatever needs to be done to make me happier since he was happy with our relationship. He made the changes that were suggested to him, I made the changes given to me--with the main one being "You need to make yourself happy and not count on your husband". His changes were made but they were just temporary. He had reverted to things he was doing before.

He claims he is happy in our marriage. 

Recently he didn't log out of Fbook, which he is on all the time when he is home. When I logged in it took me to his page. I admit I shouldn't have but curiosity got the best of me. I found out that he had all but 2 exgirlfriends as his friends. He messages with them. One of them that he has discussed their sexual history with, has had his "interest peaked by her natural DDs", and that he remembers her great body. Another one, he has been messaging with he has been very supportive with some issue she has had but this weekend they were talking about a lingerie party she went to. He apparently sent her messages about pics of the items she bought..his messages were deleted but hers weren't..she sent pics of lingerie worn by an older woman and said "you just asked for pictures, you didn't say pictures of me, right lol "

I have also found out he has found the last ex girlfriend (the other one he doesn't want to connect with) he has been "looking for" He is friends with her sister on Fbook, so he asked for her email. He emailed her and they have reconnected through emails and she has now joined Fbook--he checked out her pictures "You look great!". He continues to email her multiple times a week during the work week. 2 of the 3 are single and the 3rd is in a rocky marriage.

He has not mentioned these connections on FBook like he has others like when he found some old college friends.

Does a happily married man reconnect with his exgirlfriends and then continue to have email and private messages with them? Am I being oversensitive or overly jealous?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

No, happily married guys don't reconnect with ex-girlfriends.

But, then again, he's not happily married, is he?

What struck me was that his changes were to make you happy and your changes were to make you happy. Is there any reason not to expect a guy to see that nothing is happening for him?

I'd start by acknowledging to him that you realize he isn't happy and go from there.


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## myhusband&facebook (Feb 8, 2011)

our changes were to communicate better about our schedules and set up times for us to be together, like date nights, which he said he wanted.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

He's playing with fire. If he keeps this kind of secret flirting up for much longer, he'll eventually try to take things a little further.

Facebook is a pain. Used to be harder to hide such secrets. Now - your spouse walks through the room and you're "just on facebook!", running your marriage off a cliff.

If you are friends with him on FB, at least ask him a little bit about who his friends are to start with. Especially this latest ex - "When did you become friends with her?"

Tell him you aren't comfortable with it - and see how he reacts.

Its a problem.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

No, you aren't being overly sensitive. This is a problem, and it needs to stop before it goes any further.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Facebook = Marital nightmare book

It exacerbated my ex-marriage.


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## Tia (Feb 9, 2011)

Sorry you're going through this.I'm new here but in my opinion Facebook cannot ruin a relationship that was not rocky already. I hear people say FB ruins relationships but I completely disagree. I do not think that a happily married man would be seeking out ex-girlfriends especially to say anything other than " How are you" or something to that affect. If he kept the reconnection from you, he did so for a reason.


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