# Father figure shapes a future woman's relationships



## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

What do you all think of this article?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...is-daughters-lifelong-relationship-with-love/


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I think it is true without intervention and strong work. I know a woman who never had a father. She had 3 marriages, when I talk to her about what she looks for in men she doesn't have any idea about us. She gets her ideas from Disney, and other entertainment. She admits her picker is broken, won't look anymore, and who can blame her how would she know.


----------



## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

I've read similar theories.
I think both parents shape their kids really.
Everything a mother or a father do or don't do shape how their child grows into an adult. Children learn by example, which was pointed out in the article. 
Perhaps a father figure has an impact but I think the environment the child grows up in allows for how the child will be when they become an adult.




Sent from my iPhone


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I think there is some truth to it. I had read a similar article before. I think daughters do need a positive male relationship, and if they don't get it from dad, they may search for it in a teenage boy, which is normal, but they may get a little too friendly just seeking male companionship. 

My daughter just graduated from high school, and we are very close; I honestly believe she tells me everything that is important for me to know, I really do. We sat up until 12:00 last night and she was giving me all kinds of stories about her friends, both boys and girls. Whew! I thought I might doze off(an old guy like me needs his sleep) but I was very attentive and enjoyed her conversation.

She got pulled over for speeding a while back, and the officer didn't even write her a warning ticket, so she could have kept that to herself, but she called me immediately after it happened, and she didn't try to pretend it wasn't her fault. 

One thing that amazes me is that she is a beautiful girl, but she is almost 18 and has not gone boy crazy on me. So, I didn't even have to do the scary dad routine with any wild boyfriends. Who knows, she could have issues yet, but at least we're past the age of 14 and begging to go out with a wild boy.

I know she will meet a guy some day and get married like everyone else, but she hasn't been starving for male companionship during her teen years, and ol' dad has always been there to share laughs and lend an ear. Maybe she doesn't have raging hormones yet either; I guess that helps too.

Since she has been a good girl and not given me that first bit of trouble; she has proven she can make good decisions for her age, so I give her some personal space and don't smother her. I have never caught her in a lie, really, and I am so proud of her. She's never seen the need to show me that she's going to be a rebel. 

I try to make it comfortable for her to tell me anything. She was having some minor female issues once and had to go to the doctor. She was filling me in with details as if she was talking about her favorite ice cream. I'm thinking, "ok. a little too much information."
Buy hey, I'm glad she feels comfortable enough to talk to me about anything.

I was told by a lady that took her and some friends on a trip lately that they were all talking about family drama in the car. My daughter's mother's side does have a lot of drama. One of the girls even said, "wow, how did you turn out so normal with all that drama?" Her replay was, "I have a great dad." That can bring a tear to the eye.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

My dad is my "go to" guy, love and adore him. My parents divorced when I was young but I grew up with a very healthy image of men and had great male role models.

But yes a poor father figure or lack of male role models can be a terrible thing for females. It would be good if more men understood this, some of the stuff you read here and other places online makes me shudder, these guys are harming their daughters futures with their misogyny, anger and bitterness.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm a csa survivor and was also very close to my father. I always knew that I benefitted from from that but it's only been recently that I've come to realize just how much. 

He's the reason I'm able to have any kind of positive opinion of men and the reason I'm able to maintain any kind of relationship with men.

He was a positive model to contrast against the dirtbag pedophile in my life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

southbound, you're the reason she's that way. You're safe for her. I'm the safe one for my daughter; she won't tell her dad anything.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

turnera2 said:


> southbound, you're the reason she's that way. You're safe for her. I'm the safe one for my daughter; she won't tell her dad anything.


That's true, and it does take some effort to get the right balance. I didn't want her to feel safe with me only because she feels she can get away with anything with me, and I wanted to be her dad, not her buddy, but I have to give her a most of credit for me being able to be the way I am with her.

Like I said, she's never given me the first bit of trouble. She's an unusual mix to describe. On one hand, she's an attractive young girl who doesn't get in any major trouble, but it's not because she's trying to play goodie goodie, it's just her natural way; she certainly isn't shy. On the other hand, she doesn't let anybody walk all over her. 

Actually, she has an entire group of girlfriends from school that are like that, so I have to give them credit too; I never had to worry about her circle of friends. They are in the in crowd; among the group they do cheer-leading, sports, homecoming queens, attend all the school events, but they don't drink, do drugs, or any other crazy stuff. Apparently, all that stuff isn't "cool" with that crowd. I feel blessed.


----------



## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

I agree, and it's because of my father i picked someone pretty much the exact OPPOSITE as my husband. Thank goodness for my daughters and myself!


----------



## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

My dad and I were very close, we did so much together in his spare time which I still appreciate to this day. He was a communicator but at the same time he could be really tough on us girls, especially if he was drinking so I learned to avoid him once he got a to a certain point of intoxication. My mom seemed to really not like my dad and as a child I did not understand why. Later I realized my dad had a large interest in porn, which as a child I could not see. I ended up married twice.....my first husband and I were emotionally connected, I really felt he was my life-time mate but he turned out to be a serial cheater. My second marriage was probably more of me looking for a daddy for my children...I never thought I could love anyone as much as I loved my first husband so I settled for a friendship, more so I guess. Not a good way to approach to marriage, we are now divorcing after 24 years of marriage.....kids are all grown and I and ready to leave with the last one. Husband has had issues with alcohol and with porn like my dad.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Dug is the opposite of my dad in so many ways. Thank goodness.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> I was maybe 14 or 15 at the time — an age when kids are well aware of their parents’ shortcomings.


Um, no, it was not until my late '30s that I had to come to terms with the fact that my parents don't know everything. And do not have the humility to admit it.

I think those who had their parental meltdown at a younger age are lucky.



> It’s just as bad if fathers are physically present but emotionally absent.


I'm glad the author recognises that since many do not.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Taken from the article...



> T*he greatest impact on a woman’s romantic choices and ability to feel comfortable in her own sexuality is how her father related to her in childhood,”*


 IF this is true.. I beat the odds... then it said :



> *But a father obviously doesn’t have to be unfaithful to influence his child’s love life. He can just not be around. Daughters, especially teens, who have little contact with their fathers, whether through divorce or abandonment, “had great difficulties forming lasting relationships with men,”*


 Again... an odd situation.. I lived with my Mom after the divorce.. but my Father called in a rage to take me off of her due to some of her choices with men.. so he stepped up to the plate to take me in.. He was THERE.. but he WASN'T THERE.. (if that makes sense) 

It's difficult to describe the relationship I had with my father.... I respect the man..I am A LOT LIKE MY FATHER.. much more so than my mother in temperament, wants, likes, what irritates me (I am cut from the same cloth... my Mother said to me once.. "How did you come from me.. You are all your Father!")... BUT BUT BUT.. we were never close.. we didn't have "talks" growing up.. I felt I had a room to live in ... he & Step Mom had their life... I had mine.. 

I can't remember 1 family vacation I had with dad.. if I did anything on Father's day.. it would have been really awkward back then.. it's like I admired him in some ways.. but he wouldn't have known... I found him an honest man.. a hard worker...So FUNNY - when he gets with friends...a bit of a dare devil...but I wasn't comfortable going to him if I had a problem... 

I feel my Step Mom was a monkey wrench for us.. as he dearly loved this woman.. and I hated her (back then).. she was ROUGH and mean, I am the type to recoil from someone who doesn't treat me right.. I just kept to myself..... 

It seemed once I no longer lived there.. I had complete control of my own life independent of them .... our relationship GREW & we have opened up - we can Joke & carry on about near anything now.. but it was awkward when I was under their roof.... 

So I am closer with my Dad & Step mom ...we still don't see each other much... but I CAN share anything on my mind with them.. we have A LOT of laughs when we get together now... our kids prefer them over any family members ...as they bring all the wild conversations & laughter with them, it's always a GOOOOD time..

But back then...I found solace in Friends, or Grandma Next door (this was my father's Mother)... 

I always LOVED THE BOYS ...unlike @southbound 's daughter.. .... I was always contemplating my future.. hoping to find that special Guy... I didn't want anything to do with Bad Boys...I knew better.. just taking it all in -observing the behaviors of others, watching girls fall for these types, getting dumped for another, the patterns... I was a very cautious teen growing up..I did fear getting hurt.. I probably had some abandonment issues too -with my Mom taking off.. 

My husband's had far more of an impact on me over any man I've ever known (I dearly looked up to his father too -beautiful man)... these 2 may have had more of an impact on me -feeling LOVED and cared for - than my own Father.... but I do have his personality traits, it's undeniable... 

My Father was never really a "kid" person.. not sure he knew what to do with children.. just wasn't his thing... in this way.. we are different.. I love & thrive on the Family thing... and we are both very Open/ approachable with our kids... where my dad -he might have had that IN HIM.. but yet.. it really wasn't expressed when I was growing up... it was like covered by a bushel and his doing his own thing.. 

At least as I grew up.. we did get closer.. so it wasn't all bad. And today is Father's day!


----------

