# Girlfriend enlists guy in dangerous deception



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

_At this point the guy should leave not make his cheating GF give up her kid..first it's wrong but even if she did - would any of you want to be married to A) a cheater and B) someone who gave up their kid that easily? I think he needs to move on and be done with her. Cut her off - period - it is not his problem._

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Dear Amy: I am in my late 20s, and I have been seeing my girlfriend, "Tami," for more than three years. We've had a long-distance relationship for the last year, but we managed to get to a point where we were looking at engagement rings and shopping for a home.

A couple of months ago, things started changing. She became less affectionate and involved. Even her family noticed a change in her. I found out that she was cheating with a co-worker. She confessed and asked for another chance.

I agreed to try to move past it, but the very next day, she told me she was pregnant, and the baby was 100 percent his.

I was crushed. The other man said he would deny her and this baby any support, and insisted that she get an abortion. (He was also cheating on his long-term girlfriend).

She plans to keep the child. She wants me to marry her and for me to be its father. She wants me to lie, so that our family and friends will believe that it is my child.

Is it wrong for me to only want her, but not her child?

I am not sure I could love it. I don't know if I could tell a lie my whole life, or if people would eventually find out.

Is it wrong to feel upset that only she and I have had our lives turned upside down, while the other guy has a free pass?

I am really confused about how I'm allowed to feel, while trying to stay level-headed and control my heartbreak.

— Devastated and Confused

*Dear Devastated:* You are "allowed" to have any and all of your feelings, whenever you feel them. Don't ask permission to feel a certain way.

You are not allowed to lie about your feelings, her actions, this baby's parentage or any other aspect of this situation to family members. Doing so will have a direct and negative impact on all of you.

Being discreet is one thing. Choosing how to disclose this (and whom you should tell) is different from actively lying.

You are not allowed to accept "Tami" but reject her child. They are a package deal forever.

She is panicking and enlisting you in her ill-conceived (excuse the pun) plot, in order to make her anxiety go away. Don't make any sudden moves because of her panic. Pregnancy lasts for many months, and over the course of this time your views (and hers) could change radically. She should name the father of this child and pursue financial support from him through the court.

You should not have to "control your heartbreak," nor should you be with her if you don't wish to take on the entirety of this family situation, which — so far — you obviously do not want to do.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Not really too much to debate here. They are not married and she cheated and got knocked up. Run, and run fast from that situation. He must have unbelievably low self esteem. It's because of people like him that the Red Pill movement is so popular. I don't subscribe to that doctrine, but seeing these wussed up guys considering keeping around a manipulative ho like that makes a person want to punch a puppy (figuratively). 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

There are guys that weak and gullible out there that are so desperate for female attention and companionship that they will raise another man's offspring from their partners cheating.

It's hard to save people from their own weakness and desperation, but one thing that does need to brought to their attention is that the impregnating man does not simply get to decide whether he offers financial support or not. 

The courts will order child support whether the dude wants to be a baby daddy or not.

The chumps need to realize that the woman and baby's survival will not depend on him.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> The courts will order child support whether the dude wants to be a baby daddy or not.
> 
> The chumps need to realize that the woman and baby's survival will not depend on him.


Agree 100% - the cheating GF in this article needs to get an attorney and sue for child support. The BF needs to let her sort out her mess ALONE and be thankful this didnt happen after they married or had kids of their own. KISAs only exist in story books and fantasy films - not in real life. If this guy stays with her and agrees to her plan he will regret it. This is a situation where a clean break is possible and should be pursued. He needs to cut her off and tell her in no uncertain terms she is on her own. Period. What I did not like is making her chose between him and the kid..she is a shi!tty person but that is not the right thing to do.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> Not really too much to debate here. They are not married and she cheated and got knocked up. Run, and run fast from that situation. He must have unbelievably low self esteem. It's because of people like him that the Red Pill movement is so popular. I don't subscribe to that doctrine, but seeing these wussed up guys considering keeping around a manipulative ho like that makes a person want to punch a puppy (figuratively).
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


Yeah he needs to run as fast as he can away from her. Its not his mess it is her mess. Does it hurt to leave? Yup Should he leave? Yup..she is not a woman to plan a future with - not wife material at all at this point...let some other guy "come to her rescue" - he needs to be done..

What she wants is to protect her reputation she could care less about her BF or his feelings. She doesnt want to be seen as the cheater who got dumped after she had another mans child. that is what this is about - saving her own a$$.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If he puts his name on the birth certificate and they marry she will probably keep on cheating on him and eventually they will divorce.Depending on which state they live the fact that he is not the child's father won't matter,he will be liable for child support until the child is eighteen.
If I knew him I would take him aside and ask him very gently.ARE YOU ****ING CRAZY.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> If he puts his name on the birth certificate and they marry she will probably keep on cheating on him and eventually they will divorce.Depending on which state they live the fact that he is not the child's father won't matter,he will be liable for child support until the child is eighteen.
> If I knew him I would take him aside and ask him very gently.ARE YOU ****ING CRAZY.


Agreed he is ****ing nuts if he takes this on - absolutely nuts. She is not remorseful - she is setting him up as her ATM. Once a certain amount of years pass you can not disestablish paternity and then he is on the hook for support and it wont matter who the biological father is.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

What is this guy going to do when the REAL father wants to go public?

Has he or the fetus carrier thought that one too?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> What is this guy going to do when the REAL father wants to go public?
> 
> Has he or the fetus carrier thought that one too?


The biological father wants nothing to do with the kid - since he wants to keep his own gf and relationship in tact...that is why the Gf is desperate to get her BF to marry her and cover up who she really is..can you imagine what happens when she has the kid and everyone assumes it is her XBFs and she has to inform them it in fact is not her XBFs? Awkward to say the least...


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## RalphArjen (May 1, 2017)

Bro you deserve better!


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

RalphArjen said:


> Bro you deserve better!


I think the gentleman who wrote the letter can't see that - someone posted earlier he must have really low self-esteem...


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I think the gentleman who wrote the letter can't see that - someone posted earlier he must have really low self-esteem...


Very strange. When I was single, it seemed like it was hard to find good guys.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> Very strange. When I was single, it seemed like it was hard to find good guys.


I think his low self-esteem combined with the shock of it all are contributing to his being "confused" - he has no obligations to her and should use the nearest exit ASAP...but he has to get there...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He loves her. She means everything to him, she was his whole world, in fact.

And then she does *this* to him!


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> He loves her. She means everything to him, she was his whole world, in fact.
> 
> And then she does *this* to him!


Exactly - she means everything to him and he means nothing to her but a cover for her affair...pretty equal relationship isnt it? 

She had her fun but doesnt want the consequences...he should expose to the betrayed GF if he desires and nove on...let the two of them work it out..or he could simply cut her off - no more contact - period..I'd probably opt for number 2 becuase without any support from her BF she will have to sue for child support from her AP..oh well that is for her sorry a%% to work out...


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> He loves her. She means everything to him, she was his whole world, in fact.
> 
> And then she does *this* to him!


Many moons ago I worked in London for a few months and a neighbor of my brothers was pregnant.Both her and her husband were wasps from New England and were part of the US diplomatic team.It turned out that she had being having an affair with a local doctor,told her husband it had been a ons and he decided to forgive her and move on.Problem was the baby was the doctors and she didn't own up to it until the day the baby was born.
The doctors name was Patel and he was from Pakistan.....


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Many moons ago I worked in London for a few months and a neighbor of my brothers was pregnant.Both her and her husband were wasps from New England and were part of the US diplomatic team.It turned out that she had being having an affair with a local doctor,told her husband it had been a ons and he decided to forgive her and move on.Problem was the baby was the doctors and she didn't own up to it until the day the baby was born.
> The doctors name was Patel and he was from Pakistan.....


did he stay with her?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> did he stay with her?


No.She was removed from the diplomatic team and sent home,her husband was lucky to keep his job.This was 2003 and she was having an affair with a member of London's Islamic community.This was less than two years after 9/11 so emotions were high.I left London shortly afterwards and never heard any more about it.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> No.She was removed from the diplomatic team and sent home,her husband was lucky to keep his job.This was 2003 and she was having an affair with a member of London's Islamic community.This was less than two years after 9/11 so emotions were high.I left London shortly afterwards and never heard any more about it.


Sounds like a mess..it would have been unfair if her BH lost his job because she is a POS..at least he was rid of her and can start over with someone else...


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Who had to pay child suppport?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> Who had to pay child suppport?


If paternity is disestablished within the legal time frame the mother can go after the biological father for child support - if that time elapses the husband or whoever is listed on the birth certificate is liable for child support for the child even if he proves he is not the father and was duped by the mother...this is a heated topic of debate...


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Isn't this the vision of the politically correct, gender neutral, emasculated, metrosexual 'man' society is pushing for?

Made me feel sick.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> If paternity is disestablished within the legal time frame the mother can go after the biological father for child support - if that time elapses the husband or whoever is listed on the birth certificate is liable for child support for the child even if he proves he is not the father and was duped by the mother...this is a heated topic of debate...


The biggest problem was the child's biological father,the doctor from Pakistan was not a white man so obviously the child was not white either.They couldn't claim that the husband was the child's father.It was all hushed up and she just seemed to vanish overnight.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> The biggest problem was the child's biological father,the doctor from Pakistan was not a white man so obviously the child was not white either.They couldn't claim that the husband was the child's father.It was all hushed up and she just seemed to vanish overnight.


Or the wife would have gladly committed paternity fraud..which should be a crime IMO...


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

TAM2013 said:


> Isn't this the vision of the politically correct, gender neutral, emasculated, metrosexual 'man' society is pushing for?
> 
> Made me feel sick.


Last year I split up with my fiancée,it turned out she was pregnant but neither of us knew.She was paranoid that I would think she had cheated on me so we had a DNA test done in Boston.This was done when she was about ten weeks pregnant,just by taking blood from her and me.There was no waiting for the child to be born and risking getting attached.It was my baby btw.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Last year I split up with my fiancée,it turned out she was pregnant but neither of us knew.She was paranoid that I would think she had cheated on me so we had a DNA test done in Boston.This was done when she was about ten weeks pregnant,just by taking blood from her and me.There was no waiting for the child to be born and risking getting attached.It was my baby btw.


Good move










Are you two back together?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Or the wife would have gladly committed paternity fraud..which should be a crime IMO...


From what my brother told me the husband was just playing along and was going to insist on a DNA test anyway,but once the baby appeared he didn't need it.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Good move
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yes.Our daughter was born March 29.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> From what my brother told me the husband was just playing along and was going to insist on a DNA test anyway,but once the baby appeared he didn't need it.


Yeah once you know your wife or GF has been unfaithful only a foolish guy would not insist on a DNA test if a baby comes along...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Yes.Our daughter was born March 29.


Congratulations!!!!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Congratulations!!!!


Thank you.


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