# Thinking about having emotional affair



## iceit4me (Jun 20, 2010)

My husband has emotionally abandoned me . He is emotionally abusive, financially abusive, and doesnt't treat me like a wife should. He said all he want is for someone to be there for him when he gets home from work. Basically he wants a house ***** and a ***** in bed. I am so sick of being on this relationship alone. We tried counseling on two different occasions. He says je'll change but he never does. I want to be happy, and feel loved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

having been to councilling twice and had promises then its clear that if there is no improvement then it isnt going to happen unless he gets a swift effective shock or you stand your ground and lay down boundries. Having an EA is really giving him ammo to fire at you if the marridge ends. Seek legal advice before you do anything. Know your rights for now and if you leave your H because of his unreasonable behaviour. Then with all the knowledge of what you can and cannot do, sit him down, (no alchohol) give him the issues and what you exepct to change. If he say yea,yea which is basically shut up and stop nagging then cease the conversation and tell him your going to file for his behaviour. Having any affir when still married is going to look poor on you and could if hes quick make it look like hes broken emotional contact be cause you were investng feelings else where. Always be white than white.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

what will having an emotional affair do? Make things worse most likely. If you are that unhappy you need to file for divorce, or move out for a while and to show him how serious this is. Maybe that will jump start his change.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

iceit4me said:


> My husband has emotionally abandoned me . He is emotionally abusive, financially abusive, and doesnt't treat me like a wife should. He said all he want is for someone to be there for him when he gets home from work. Basically he wants a house ***** and a ***** in bed. I am so sick of being on this relationship alone. We tried counseling on two different occasions. He says je'll change but he never does. I want to be happy, and feel loved.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It sounds to me like you have enough issues to deal with, why add becoming a cheater and degrading your family and yourself to the list. If you feel so strongly about this emotional distance between you and your husband, then put the effort into fixing the problem or (hopefully as a last resort) divorcing your husband. Don't add another man to the mix until you are out of the marriage. If you have an EA, (which will go PA very quickly) you are the one that's automatically wrong.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

If he is emotionally abusive, financially abusive, and just wants you to service him for sex, then WHY are you even TRYING to salvage this (I won't even call it a 'marriage')?

What's in it for you?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Is this your best solution to the problem? Stay married and gather more men?


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

The fact that you are preplanning a emotional affair shows something about your mentality. Serious issues. Your husband may not know of your plans, but trust me he can sense it. It may have something to do with why he isnt filling your emotional needs. The type of person that preplans emotional affairs isn't generally the type a man will commit to emotionally. As it is clear you will always jump to a grass is greener and try to "move up".
I think you should work on your relationship issues, as i keep thinking, it is a mirror image. What he does, you reflect, but what you do and think, he relfects. Reflecting bad images and thoughts dont solve anything. Get yourself together, and your mind on task. And then entice him to. You act the part, he may improve. And if he doesnt, at least you have a right to push him to improve. Asking him to change, when you are considering emotional affairs is kind of like the pot calling the kettle black. As there is no hidden skeletons in your closet and you are being a devoted wife.
At least your expectations are warranted.

Agree with other posters. A EA will be another problem and thing making problems. With a good chance of a end in divorce. If considering a EA you might as well divorce. Either way you are in a sense ending your relationship.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Nothing good will come from an emotional affair. Like fast food, it may taste good for a short while, but a belly ache and extra baggage will follow. Not worth it.

Have you considered that we can only change ourselves and in doing so can sometimes change those around us? Having been through a very painful period in our marriage and seen it come full circle, I believe if we decide to change, it can only bring the best out in our spouse, or expose where we really should be.

Do not have an emotional affair. This says more about you than him.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

In this situation an EA is a bandaid which will not stop the bleeding. Address the real problem. Attempt to work on your marriage or resolve to leave it. Just because he is bad doesn't mean you should break his trust.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

iceit4me

If it is so bad that you are going to have an emotional affair then let me give you a suggestion.

Do Not have an emotional affair but think long and hard of what went wrong and what could begin fixing your marriage; include both of you. Write it out and then make a plan. That plan would be you leaving him for a period of time and without getting any involvement with any other man.

Yes it would be hard but you can do it. When you get everything in order then leave him the letter and say nothing but just leave, no talk just walk.. Do not let him have contact with you for a least two weeks and it would be better if it were for one month. Do not let him know where you are.


After a month you could let him contact you by email or text. You will then have a much better idea if there is any chance of saving your marriage.


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## Gunthar (Sep 2, 2012)

Agree with everyone here....DO NOT DO IT!

All it will do is create further stress and conflict in your current relationship.

Take the energy you would use for the EA and:

--Put it into saving the relationship
or
--Put it into ending the relationship


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

You need to say that to your husband. Come right out and say "I feel like having an emotional affair because I feel like you do not want to meet my needs". 
He might just not understand what your emotional needs are.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

[Just because he is bad doesn't mean you should break his trust].

He is trying to break her spirit,her pride and everything else she has inside so I would not even think about breaking his trust.

If you can't afford it move,[its easy for people on a form to say just leave but shelters are not a good time] start saving money make a plan of action and go but personaly the last thing I would be thinking about is his feelings if he is doing what you say he is.


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## hubbyfetish (Oct 2, 2012)

You can try to come out and tell him that you feel like having and EA, that could make things worse.

Both of you have to be willing to work on your relationship issues, it can not be a one sided deal. If he is truly willing to work on them, great - if not then it is probably time to start preparing to leave.

I do not think any woman should be in emotionally abused. From what I have read, emotional abuse can be just as bad or worse than other types of abuse.

What I would do, I would talk with my family and friends and try to start putting a plan together to get out. If he is emotionally and financially abusive, you never know what might happen if/when you go to leave.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

iceit4me said:


> My husband has emotionally abandoned me . He is emotionally abusive, financially abusive, and doesnt't treat me like a wife should. He said all he want is for someone to be there for him when he gets home from work. Basically he wants a house ***** and a ***** in bed. I am so sick of being on this relationship alone. We tried counseling on two different occasions. He says je'll change but he never does. I want to be happy, and feel loved.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why would someone consciously CHOOSE to have an emotional affair? I can't understand where you're coming from with this.

If he doesn't change and won't change,then prepare to move on without him.Why bring down your self worth by becoming a cheater? I guarantee if you have an EA it will turn PA before you know it.


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## Liam (Nov 13, 2009)

If you're in that mindset of considering an EA, then this marriage is seriously damaged and in my opinion you either work hard to fix it, or work hard to end it.


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