# husband giving rides to and from work to female coworker



## mrsallen53 (Nov 2, 2015)

So, my marriage isn't exactly what you would call "happy". We both have some issues that cause things to be kind of difficult at times. There are talks of splitting frequently, fights, sex is down to about once a month and he hasn't been able to "finish" the last several times. (He used to be pretty quick with it and we have only been married a year) all in all, I consider, and assumed he does too, that our relationship is one blow up or screw up away from done. This morning at 3 am as he is getting ready to kiss me goodbye and leave for work, he got a text. I thought that's prob my bro in law who sometimes gets a ride. I asked him who it was, casually of course because it was really just an impulse question since there really was only 1 person that I thought it could be. Wrong. It's his friend from work. A female. "Gay" well, "complete dike" was the description he gave me, who he has given a ride home from work to in the rain. So he gave her his number so he could give her a ride I guess all the time, or whenever she needs, she has no car, so if she needs him to carry her, I'm guessing he's the only 1 who is. They do work the same shift. He immediately told me that he would never do anything abd that he loves me more than anything forever and that she is gay and her gf works there too and thwt he will tell her that he can't give her a ride anymore, blah blah blah. So I continue to try and explain why I'm not ok with this, and how I feel and how it makes me feel for thus to have happened, and for him to have not told me, etc. I then find out its a girl that he has talked about a few times. The ONLY girl that I recall him speaking about by name. Am I wrong for being NOT ok with this?? He quickly switched to telling me how crazy and effed up that I am and how redic I am and he talked to my sister and bro in law about it and told me how my sister just laughed about the fact that I would think that he would do anything with thst girl, etc. First of all, is what I am feeling just me? Am I wrong here? And whether I am or I am not, what do I do now? I don't know where to go from here, I don't even know what to say to him. Please help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I don't think I'd have a problem with it if she is indeed gay. But, why can't her GF be her ride?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Career woman here, 57 years old, and 35 years married (first time for the both of us). Don't believe your husband that she is gay. He is making himself available to this woman on beck and call. He is acting like a suitor. Tell him so. Put a stop to this. This is the start of a would be affair.

You need to put boundaries on your husband. My husband is a good and kind hearted man and can be easily manipulated by a woman. I always interject. He has not cheated on me as I am watchful that my marriage is not put on the line.

How old are you and your husband? You mentioned that you are only married for about one year. You are early on in this marriage. Time to have the "Come Jesus" talk. Sorry you are here.


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

I'm kinda in the middle on this one, both me and my husband have given co-workers of the opposite sex a ride home here or there. My hubby used to car pool with a woman but she lived right around the corner and it made sense and I had met her before. 

I would say if your going to give this girl a ride to work, ask him to bring her by one day so you can meet her. If he refuses then you put a stop to it, if he is okay with you meeting her and he brings her by then see how you feel about her once you meet her. If you are still uncomfortable with it after you meet her then tell your hubby and if he still insists on giving her rides then push the issue with him.


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## mrsallen53 (Nov 2, 2015)

Thanks for replying everyone I am 33 and he is 32. This is my 3rd marriage. His 2nd. I have been thru way too many things like this that weren't innocent. In fact, I don't know of a single time where I have been thru a situation like thus and it wasn't bad. I have been cheated on by a few men. I have some unresolved PTSD probably from it. But my now husband has betrayed me too. Alot. Alot of weird situations in the past that we finally closed the door on abd moved forward with our marriage with no admitting and no proof that things had or hadn't happend. It involved situations that dealt with drugs, but involved Mt best friend from birth, it involved multiple accusations of 1 night random Craigslist envounters, it involved 3 some and orgys and possible sleeping with someone else and me jn the same night after already moving in together. We could never resolve any of it, he would never ever admit to any of it, and I finally decided that I love hik enough to go forward not knowing, because of the fact that there are NO drugs now, and drugs can and do control you. So, here I am, digging in the past, that us supposed to be closed. But he's got to understsnd, it still happened, people can't forget. And when things like this happen, I'm going to have flashbacks of every bit of that AND every situation I have been in before where I was betrayed. And I'm going to compare them and weight them in to see if this seems like a problem or not. I mean, I have that sickness in my gut ajd have ever since he said "oh, that's Felicia asking me for a ride to work" we live out of town 10 mins. I don't even know where she lives. Maybe in town. He said she gives him gas money. I don't care. Her and her gf don't have a car. But they just might havr the hots for my husband !!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

mrsallen53 said:


> Thanks for replying everyone I am 33 and he is 32. This is my 3rd marriage. His 2nd. I have been thru way too many things like this that weren't innocent. In fact, I don't know of a single time where I have been thru a situation like thus and it wasn't bad. I have been cheated on by a few men. I have some unresolved PTSD probably from it. But my now husband has betrayed me too. Alot. Alot of weird situations in the past that we finally closed the door on abd moved forward with our marriage with no admitting and no proof that things had or hadn't happend. It involved situations that dealt with drugs, but involved Mt best friend from birth, it involved multiple accusations of 1 night random Craigslist envounters, it involved 3 some and orgys and possible sleeping with someone else and me jn the same night after already moving in together. We could never resolve any of it, he would never ever admit to any of it, and I finally decided that I love hik enough to go forward not knowing, because of the fact that there are NO drugs now, and drugs can and do control you. So, here I am, digging in the past, that us supposed to be closed. But he's got to understsnd, it still happened, people can't forget. And when things like this happen, I'm going to have flashbacks of every bit of that AND every situation I have been in before where I was betrayed. And I'm going to compare them and weight them in to see if this seems like a problem or not. I mean, I have that sickness in my gut ajd have ever since he said "oh, that's Felicia asking me for a ride to work" we live out of town 10 mins. I don't even know where she lives. Maybe in town. He said she gives him gas money. I don't care. Her and her gf don't have a car. But they just might havr the hots for my husband !!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh my. This sheds a lot more light on the situation! You should have included this information in your first post. Yup, be worried.


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## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

You two really need counseling. There is too much you are putting in the past that may cause unresolved issues and problems later. And you need a rule that neither of you discuss your problems with others. I suspect he is slamming you verbally on the way to work and building the basis for at least an Emotional Affair if it hasn't already gone there and maybe physical too, particularly if he isn't finishing. But he doesn't need to be talking about you or your marital problems with a brother or sister, coworker or anyone else other than you and a counselor.


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## mrsallen53 (Nov 2, 2015)

Well we just managed to argue ourselves into a separation via text msgs. He's coming home and packing.. I just want to run away from here before he gets here. My head is spinning, I'm confused, hurt, scared, sick, upset, confused!!! Idk how this happened. We both just started saying mean things and then he said "yoi make me want to kill myself" I replied and said ok if you are serious with that, this needs to end. I can't believe the man I love wants to KILL himself because of me!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

He is playing you. He knows exactly what buttons to push.

This is classic brinkmanship. If you want this to work, you're going to have to be willing to let him go.

The problem is that I suspect his relationship with this other woman is what's giving him the sense of security to simply walk away. I think this relationship is a lot deeper than what you are seeing on the surface.


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## mrsallen53 (Nov 2, 2015)

He doesn't want to walk away. He is taking my own words about feeling guilty for making him unhappy and turning them into I want him gone and I made that choice. I didnt. I said as much, but I wanted to discuss it. I wanted to talk about why we are together and what we both want. He didn't follow suit and before I knew it be was like if that is what you want. Your choice. He isn't even leaving today, says I will have to put up with him until payday so he can get a place. This cannot be happening right now. It jusr cant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

mrsallen53 said:


> He doesn't want to walk away. He is taking my own words about feeling guilty for making him unhappy and turning them into I want him gone and I made that choice. I didnt. I said as much, but I wanted to discuss it. I wanted to talk about why we are together and what we both want. He didn't follow suit and before I knew it be was like if that is what you want. Your choice. He isn't even leaving today, says I will have to put up with him until payday so he can get a place. This cannot be happening right now. It jusr cant.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Honestly dear, he doesn't sound worth fighting for. Let him go. And do yourself a favor and stay OUT of relationships for a few years until you get to know yourself and what you want better.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

You don't see what he is really doing.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

He's not going to leave. He is just saying that to scare you & deflect. Instead of owning up to his bad behavior, he is blaming YOU. Girl, just let him go. You've been married a year & already putting up with this kind of BS? You can do so much better by yourself.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

They're ALWAYS gay.


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