# Wife cheated and I don't know what to do!!



## Zak082 (Jun 21, 2015)

My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years and have been together for 6. We have 2 children, one is 3 and the other is almost a year old. About a month ago I found out on my wifes birthday that she had been having an affair for 3 months with a co-worker. I use to work at this jon with her so everyone there knew she was married and I even knew the guy she cheated on me with. I found out by finding deleted texts on her phone after I started noticing her coming home late far too often.
They talked very sexual to each other and she even sent him pictures of herself naked while he never sent her one! The affair never was anything but meeting up to kiss and make out. When I confronted her about it she was devestated and didn't know how to react. She said she felt awful about it and didn't know how it got out of hand. She said that it was because I stopped working there and when I did I stopped talking to her about work and stuff. She said he always talked to her about work until one night when he asked her to meet him somewhere so they could discuss work matter.
It eventually led to him kissing her and then it escalated from there. They did have sex one time which was about 5 days before I found out.
I was COMPLETEY destroyed and confused when I found out. She has never acted like the person to cheat. We are very private people. She has no friends and neither do I so we have always been each others support. It just doesnt make sense how this could happen. There were no signs of her being unhappy or anything and again she just ISNT the time to do this yet she did. 
She immediately told the guy she was done stopped talking to him and has pulled a complete 180 and is now the perfect wife and is doing everything I ask her to do. She is truly the person I "thought" I was married to before this. 
The problem is that I have always had ZERO tolerance for cheating due to it happening to me in previous past 2 relationships. She truly is sorry, I can see it and I do believe she would never do this again but I just don't know if I can get over it. Are there some people who even if the spouse did EVERYTHING right they still couldn't work it out. I feel like thats me and I hate that because I want my children to have their parents together but I just don't know how I can ever get over this hurt or ever get close to trusting her again. Please help!


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Zak082 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years and have been together for 6. We have 2 children, one is 3 and the other is almost a year old. About a month ago I found out on my wifes birthday that she had been having an affair for 3 months with a co-worker. I use to work at this jon with her so everyone there knew she was married and I even knew the guy she cheated on me with. I found out by finding deleted texts on her phone after I started noticing her coming home late far too often.
> They talked very sexual to each other and she even sent him pictures of herself naked while he never sent her one! *The affair never was anything but meeting up to kiss and make out.* When I confronted her about it she was devestated and didn't know how to react. She said she felt awful about it and didn't know how it got out of hand. She said that it was because I stopped working there and when I did I stopped talking to her about work and stuff. She said he always talked to her about work until one night when he asked her to meet him somewhere so they could discuss work matter.
> It eventually led to him kissing her and then it escalated from there. They did have sex one time which was about 5 days before I found out.
> I was COMPLETEY destroyed and confused when I found out. She has never acted like the person to cheat. We are very private people. She has no friends and neither do I so we have always been each others support. It just doesnt make sense how this could happen. There were no signs of her being unhappy or anything and again she just ISNT the time to do this yet she did.
> ...


Sooo... the affair latest for 3 months and all they ever did was meet up and make out...?

Yeah, right. Please tell me that you're not actually buying that bullsh*t.

Oh, and here's something else that you might want to think over...


----------



## Zak082 (Jun 21, 2015)

For the majority it was just that (apparently) but then in the last month of it, it really ramped up and they did oral sex 3 times and had actual sex once. I was able to read most of this is the messages because they talked out it and then I heard her tell me without having to ask.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Is she still working with him? Is he married?


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

statistically. make out only affairs are very rare. they either go fully physical or they stop at sexting / bonding.

and as rare as they are, most of the ones I've seen were drunken make outs on girls nights out and one offs.


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

beat me to the response.

now multiply what she admits to by 10 or so.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

She's pulling the "we only did it once" routine. I'm sure she said it was awful.

Has she been tested for STD's ?


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Zak082 said:


> For the majority it was just that (apparently) but then in the last month of it, it really ramped up and they did oral sex 3 times and had actual sex once. I was able to read most of this is the messages because they talked out it and then I heard her tell me without having to ask.


Ah. Guess I should've actually finished reading your initial post. Most of the time, though, there's no point in actually reading past a statement such as that.

She's still lying, by the way. It was more than once.

Strap in and get ready to ride the Trickle Truth Train™!!!


----------



## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Sorry it happened to you. First, you must decide if you can live with her after this. You already stated about your ZERO tolerance for cheaters. Second, the cause for her affair is not really clear. What really caused it? Third, IC, MC might be in order, then again, it all depends on how you will answer first point. 
This journey is for you to take. it looks like you might not get over this EA, and overtime you will build more resentment toward your wife. She also might start feeling that you no longer trusting her, or cannot truly forgive her. It will all accumulate and then blowup. Think long term, I mean decades. Can you do it?

Be strong.


----------



## Zak082 (Jun 21, 2015)

She still works there but is about to leave because she finally was able to get another job. (She is our only source of income. I stay at home with the kids) And like I said, I am torn as to what to do. One side of me actually believes what she is saying but then my other half doesn't care because she has already done too much. I don't want to have my kids have divorced parents like I had. I keep holding out hope that with time I will stop hurting as much and that she is being honest and open and that she really has changed. Like I said she has NEVER been like this ever. This job is actually only her 2nd job and its t he first one she has ever made friends at. He is the first guy friend she has ever had and said she didn't know what it was like to be hit on so by the time they kissed she was already caught in a snowball and didn't know how to stop it. 
The guy she did it with is not married. He is not even dating. He knew me when I worked there and knew me and her were married. The whole thing just doesn't make sense to me. It came SO FAR out of left field. I thought we were happy and perfect. Like I said, she left no signs to be found. She acted like everything was ok and perfect.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Dude. So she is still working with the prick?

I highly doubt it is over if she is.

She needs to quit and you need to tell his girlfriend or wife about him slipping your wife his penis at work.

No shame at all in divorcing. She murdered your marriage, not you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Zak082 (Jun 21, 2015)

She said the reason for the affair was because she wasn't happy with us and I didn't know she was unhappy. So when he noticed, he listened to her and was there for her. And that because he showed her affection and she liked it and just liked that someone found her sexy. Again this was the first guy ever to do this to her and I can't believe this was her first response to it. 
Is the marriage salvagable or is it doomed?


----------



## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Zak082 said:


> She said the reason for the affair was because she wasn't happy with us and I didn't know she was unhappy. So when he noticed, he listened to her and was there for her. And that because he showed her affection and she liked it and just liked that someone found her sexy. Again this was the first guy ever to do this to her and I can't believe this was her first response to it.
> Is the marriage salvagable or is it doomed?


So, she was unhappy with her marriage, but did not convey it to you, what else she does not communicate? I am not buying whole her first guy friend. Sir, do yourself a favor, place VAR in her car.
Also, she might be genuinely sorry about this EA, but if this was a first guy friend and this was her response, I do not know what to think of it. Be alert and do not fall for "I am truly sorry " line.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It is doomed if she doesn't take responsibility for letting another man shove his penis in her.

She needs to stop blaming anyone but herself for placing her crotch above her husband and children.

Marriage issues belong to both of you. Letting another man fvck her and destroying her family for her lust is all on her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> It is doomed if she doesn't take responsibility for letting another man shove his penis in her.
> 
> She needs to stop blaming anyone but herself for placing her crotch above her husband and children.
> 
> ...


Totally agree with you. 
When my wife and I started dating, very early on, I told her that if she will ever cheat on me, it will be instantly over between us. I also reminded her about my principle after we got married. There is absolutely no excuse for her to do what she did. 
OP. was you her first love?


----------



## Zak082 (Jun 21, 2015)

After I asked to to tell me a reason why it happened she stopped blaming it on that stuff and did take full responsibility for it. Like I said, she has done a complete 180. She is always telling me if she is going to be even a couple minutes late. She is doing all the things I have asked. She says sorry every day about it and said she will never even have another guy friend again. She has become pretty much the perfect wife but like I said. It's just about if I can get over what she did. 
I feel like I am scared to divorce because I am afraid that I will be lonely forever and never find that perfect person for me (which she has become since everything happened). I'm scared I will regret my decision. Also I do not take vows lightly. I feel like if I divorce now I am just giving up and not giving it my all to at least try and work it for us and for the kids.


----------



## Zak082 (Jun 21, 2015)

And yes I was her first EVERYTHING. Boyfriend, kiss, sex, and of course marriage. She was a sheltered person her whole life until we got married.


----------



## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Zak082 said:


> This job is actually only her 2nd job and its t he first one she has ever made friends at. He is the first guy friend she has ever had and said she didn't know what it was like to be hit on so by the time they kissed she was already caught in a snowball and didn't know how to stop it.


I do not know man. How about saying "stop right there" and no longer have anything to do with this guy. Something is fishy. She tries to portrait herself as a victim. For god sake, she has a husband and two children home. Do not fall for this. Make her come clean with the whole thing. Then again, if you are ready to move on whichever way it is, do not traumatize her and yourself.


----------



## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Zak082 said:


> And yes I was her first EVERYTHING. Boyfriend, kiss, sex, and of course marriage. She was a sheltered person her whole life until we got married.


Well, I see. Still no excuse. Try to get MC first before you jump a gun. Like I said it before, you have to live with this for decades, can YOU do it? Take your time answering it.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You should take some time. Do the 180 on her and give yourself some space to think.

Getting some individual counseling for yourself might help you.

She should probably get her head examined to figure out where she is broken so she can get to fixing herself.

BTW. Kids do much better in a divorce than they do in a dysfunctional marriage. 

She needs to become a better person regardless of whether you stay married.

Take some time away from her and do things for yourself. Is there someone you can talk to?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Zak082 said:


> After I asked to to tell me a reason why it happened she stopped blaming it on that stuff and did take full responsibility for it. Like I said, she has done a complete 180. She is always telling me if she is going to be even a couple minutes late. She is doing all the things I have asked. *She says sorry every day about it and said she will never even have another guy friend again. She has become pretty much the perfect wife *but like I said. It's just about if I can get over what she did.
> I feel like I am scared to divorce because I am afraid that I will be lonely forever and never find that perfect person for me (which she has become since everything happened). I'm scared I will regret my decision. Also I do not take vows lightly. I feel like if I divorce now I am just giving up and not giving it my all to at least try and work it for us and for the kids.



Be careful with this. Sometimes, the affair goes underground. They won't talk to each other for a specified length of time until you're not mad with her anymore. Once things settle, the affair usually resumes. 

I'm not saying this is the case, but your wife is really quick to be the "perfect" wife now. Why couldn't she do this before? I wouldn't expect this behavior to stick around long term - but there are always exceptions. I truly hope your wife is the exception and she understands what she did wrong.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Zak082 said:


> It eventually led to him kissing her and then it escalated from there. They did have sex one time which was about 5 days before I found out.
> 
> Here's the problem and I'm figuring that your head is spinning and not thinking real clear and I can't blame you for that. You said they had sex once, but they had oral sex with each other twice and then has sex. Friend that's three times she had sex with him not just once.
> 
> ...


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Zak082 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years and have been together for 6. We have 2 children, one is 3 and the other is almost a year old. About a month ago I found out on my wifes birthday that she had been having an affair for 3 months with a co-worker. I use to work at this jon with her so everyone there knew she was married and I even knew the guy she cheated on me with. I found out by finding deleted texts on her phone after I started noticing her coming home late far too often.
> They talked very sexual to each other and she even sent him pictures of herself naked while he never sent her one!
> Kind of makes her seem to be the aggressor, doesn't it?
> The affair never was anything but meeting up to kiss and make out.
> ...


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

So, this was the first man that really ever paid attention to her besides you? How will she react with the next man who shows her some attention?


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Zak082 said:


> And yes I was her first EVERYTHING. Boyfriend, kiss, sex, and of course marriage. She was a sheltered person her whole life until we got married.


That is all gone now. That special something has been destroyed and Will never be the same. Do not carpet sweep this and chalk it up to a sheltered life. Your W knew exactly what she was up to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You've been cheated on three straight times and you still think a stay at home dad is going to be respected by a woman.

Neither of you have friends outside the marriage. This couldn't have played out any other way.


----------



## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Zak082 said:


> And yes I was her first EVERYTHING. Boyfriend, kiss, sex, and of course marriage. She was a sheltered person her whole life until we got married.


So this was her first affair?

Good - now you can be her first ex-husband.

Sheltered life - *PLEASE. UGH. She is an adult, not a 6 year old. She KNEW EXACTLY WHAT SHE WAS DOING*. I wish people would stop making this excuse.

She has no respect for you, the marriage, and your kids.

look, if she was unhappy in the marriage, why go have another guy stick it to her? She should have been talking with you.

If this is how she acts when she is unhappy - what do you think she does when she is pissed off with you?

This "she's now the perfect wife" needs to stop. You are fooling yourself. She is in self coverage - she will do what she thinks will make you stay. 

This *REALLY* bothers me.

You think about this the next time your wife is being perfect - your wife was unhappy, the first guy that shows her some affection (how about that, another first for her) she spreads and has sex. Not only that, she takes mental and physical time away from you and your kids to send nudie pics as well as continue to have sex. Not even caring what damage it would do to you and the family. It was all about her and her needs to feel sexy with some strange. 

Top it off, there was no protection. So she potentially exposed you to some bad STD. This is the woman you are saying that is acting perfect.

Enough is enough. This is the real world. The real world has consequences.

1st - DNA the kids
2nd - STD test for you (you do realize she didn't use protection)
3rd - Lawyer, like two weeks ago
4th - you start divorce
5th - hold off on any and all sex until she is cleared (even then...)

Once divorced:
You will find a woman that truly respects and loves you.

Your children will survive and thrive out of an environment where their mom chooses to sleep with other men instead of dealing with issues like an adult with her husband


----------



## twocents (Jun 5, 2015)

Zak, are you really buying this? She cheated on you at least 3 times that you know !!! This was too easy, there is no way she is not going to do it again. She will be more careful next time.


----------



## autopilot (Mar 16, 2012)

You need to do a serious self-evaluation of your relationship. This is the third relationship that you've had where you've been cheated on??? This just doesn't make sense to me. Something else is driving this pattern...common denominator in all three relationships is YOU.

Figure out what it is about you that causes your partner to cheat and you will likely eliminate a lot of heartache in your future.

A clue to that may be that you are a "stay-at-home" dad and are perceived as not being the "man of the house". That can be a real drain on a relationship even if you don't see it. Most women want their man to be dominant. If you aren't perceived that way, they will gravitate to those that are (consciously or subconsciously...it's just a fact of nature).


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Zak082 said:


> *I feel like I am scared to divorce because I am afraid that I will be lonely forever and never find that perfect person for me (which she has become since everything happened).* I'm scared I will regret my decision. Also I do not take vows lightly. I feel like if I divorce now I am just giving up and not giving it my all to at least try and work it for us and for the kids.


If being scared is what is keeping you in the marriage then you are staying for the wrong reasons. The only valid reason for considering reconciliation is that you believe she deserves a second chance. That can only happen if she takes ownership for her choice to have an affair, agrees to mutual transparency, and IC (individual counseling) to resolve issues that allowed her to give herself permission to betray you.

And please stop fooling yourself that "she has become <the perfect person> since everything happened" for there is no such animal. A married woman who honors herself and her husband, would never allow any man, no matter how attractive or charming he is, to believe he will have his way with her and if he tried, she would quickly bring down the hammer and set him straight.

Only you can decide whether to give her another chance or not. You don't have to decide immediately so do give yourself at least 6 months to see how things develop and if she is progressing in becoming a woman of honor to herself, to her family and to you.


----------



## krinda3 (Oct 20, 2013)

Hi zak082, come on, this is not the end of the world. Do you really love your wife? Or you just love one part of her, or, what is worst, don't you like how she really is? 
Having an affair means nothing but she just, either needed, our wanted to experiment out the she didn't feel strong enough. Please, were human beans, not robots. Nobody is perfect, not even you. 
She's been brave enough to share out with you. If she loves you, don't be stupid, a real relationship is much more than that, and you can make up a wonderful marriage on top of this, you just have to be strong and fearles. If you can take the fear out of you and accept your wife as a whole person, you both will find the real happiness. Exchange fear with real love. And demonstrate that you love your wife by forgiving and making her happy. She surely will make you happy to. 
For ever. 

Ps. Sex has been always over estimated.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Was it real love for zak when she was laying under another man?

If he doesn't respect himself, how can she?

She may be lovable as a whole person, and maybe she really did something out of character, but simply forgiving and forgetting will make sure it happens again.

P.S. Perhaps you view sex as being overestimated, but for most folks it is a pretty big deal.


----------



## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

So no consequences?

What about the next time?

Have you told her you would like a separation until you get the entire truth?

Have you shared her actions with her family and yours? 

I do hope you get tested for stds and she should as well. So now she is really unhappy in her marriage. 

What will she do now? Did she ever send you naked pictures of herself? Did she do things with the OM that she refused to do with you? 

Tell her you do not like being her backup plan, her second choice.
And you do not like that now she is taking the A underground.


----------



## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

krinda3 said:


> Having an affair means nothing but she just, either needed, our wanted to experiment out the she didn't feel strong enough.


Uhhh NO. Again, she is not 6, she's a grown *married* woman. Stop making excuses for her affair




krinda3 said:


> Please, were human beans, not robots. Nobody is perfect, not even you.


Again - No. This is an excuse to justify the affair. Humans make the correct decision to *NOT* engage in an affair



krinda3 said:


> She's been brave enough to share out with you.


Really - brave enough to share that she's had an affair? Really?



krinda3 said:


> If she loves you,


Just stop right there - if she loved him, she wouldn't have chosen to have an affair. If she loved her children, she wouldn't have chosen an affair. If she loved her family, she wouldn't have chosen an affair.




krinda3 said:


> you just have to be strong and fearless. If you can take the fear out of you and accept your wife as a whole person, you both will find the real happiness. Exchange fear with real love. And demonstrate that you love your wife by forgiving and making her happy. She surely will make you happy to.


Please don't minimize the impact and destruction that the chosen affair has had. She bulldozed everything then nuked the marriage from orbit. You have to understand on some level that she's done the worst thing a person can do to someone. Especially when it's a person you "claim" to love. This is most life changing event she forced (yes forced because she chose to have an affair) upon him *AND* their children. This is the single greatest act of selfishness that he will witness/acknowledge/be affected by/have to survive/have to endure.

I get what you are attempting to say about accepting her as a "whole" person. Unfortunately, she's not a "whole" person. She's a person that will choose to cheat on her spouse at the first sign (there's that pesky first again) of trouble. He now has to accept that he chose someone that would gladly betray, hurt, steal, and destroy all the while masquerading as true love.



krinda3 said:


> Ps. Sex has been always over estimated.


Read on these forums for any length of time and you will find this line of thinking to be completely in the minority.

Sex is exceptionally important to the survival of the marriage - sex *with* your spouce


----------



## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Zak082

I don't know what you want, divorce or reconciliation. I am in reconciliation with a remorseful and regretful WW. Since d-day she has cried every day and said I'm sorry, she also says thank you for the second chance every day. Does that mean she is remorseful and regretful? I'm sorry and thank you are words, crying is an action, but I could cry just as easily. True remorse is seen and felt by you, it is also very difficult to describe, but you will know when you see it. 

So with that being said, do you have the full story? How do you know? Why do you say this won't happen again? Is she getting a new job where only females work? You came here asking if your marriage is doomed. I would say yes, but it can also be recovered, that is up to the both of you. Do you think she can do the heavy lifting? Can she expose her heart completely to you, being completely vulnerable? Only you can answer this. Can you accept her affair, know that it has happened, and be able to forgive her? If you have doubts now that's fine, it's understandable, you don't have to rush this decision. But you should be exploring your options, a lawyer for divorce, and MC for reconciliation. Know what is needed for either choice you make. 

My WW had a six month affair at her place of employment. It happened on company time, and your WW may have done the same. If she tells you they couldn't hook up on company time, bull. Also you need to know why she deleted those texts, where she went with him, and why she did this. She needs IC to get to the bottom of that. You also need to know this didn't just snowball out of control, she was a willing and active participant. Don't kid yourself that she was sheltered and didn't know what to do. She knew all along what was happening and sadly she enjoyed it. Same as my WW, she could have stopped any time she wanted, she didn't though. 

Best of luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

krinda3 said:


> Having an affair means nothing but she just, either needed, our wanted to experiment out the she didn't feel strong enough. Please, were human *beans*, not robots. Nobody is perfect, not even you.



I have no words.


----------



## Vicky62 (Apr 27, 2015)

I had gone to a counselor because in my marriage I was so unhappy for years. I got tired of no life no support . I developed a detachment disorder nothing looked real. I had to see a Psychiatrist and this is what he told me some people drink some people cheat some people argue are work long hours you couldn't do any of those things so you detached but all those things are the way people deal with marital issues. So it's not the cheating I'm worried about the why is more important. Oh by the way I got divorced it's great not hearing things like I'm dumb nobody will love me. I wish I had cheated instead of mentally going away.


----------



## tryingpatience (May 7, 2014)

Vicky62 said:


> I had gone to a counselor because in my marriage I was so unhappy for years. I got tired of no life no support . I developed a detachment disorder nothing looked real. I had to see a Psychiatrist and this is what he told me some people drink some people cheat some people argue are work long hours you couldn't do any of those things so you detached but all those things are the way people deal with marital issues. So it's not the cheating I'm worried about the why is more important. Oh by the way I got divorced it's great not hearing things like I'm dumb nobody will love me. I wish I had cheated instead of mentally going away.


Great that you figured it out and finally moved on. But why would you choose to cheat? Just because that's how some people deal with marital issues it doesn't mean it is right. I think the way you dealt with it by talking to a professional is more constructive.


----------



## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Regardless if you believe it or not, you have some cards to play here. The courts are heavily stacked against men, but with you being a stay at home dad, she stands to lose primary custody, have to pay alimony, child support, etc. Basically there is a good chance she will be treated like a man in court.

Go speak with an attorney and see what the outcome of a divorce will look like. Knowledge is power and will help you move out of limbo.

Paternity and STD testing. Again, what you learn from these tests might be a deal breaker.

If you decide to stay in this sham of a marriage, get a favorable post-nuptial agreement.

Whatever happens, work on your self-esteem. This is just disgusting;



Zak082 said:


> I feel like I am scared to divorce because I am afraid that I will be lonely forever and never find that perfect person for me (which she has become since everything happened). I'm scared I will regret my decision.


How did you ever get in such a mental state?

Other posters are right. Your relationship will never be the same. You will never again be her "everything".


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
That is your choice and your right. If you can't tolerate it, then you should leave.

I think that in general that if someone cheats, they will likely do so again unless the reasons for their cheating go away. Since there was no particular "reason" here, I see no reason to think she will not do it again.



Zak082 said:


> snip
> The problem is that I have always had ZERO tolerance for cheating
> snip


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

She jumped on the first guy that hit on her outside the marriage. 

Guess what? In her lifetime there will be many, many, many, many more who try. 

Not just coworkers. Not just "friends". Guys in the grocery store. Guys at the airport. Guys at the gym. Guys on Facebook. Guys from church. 

If she can't ward off one...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Your story sounds eerily like mine. I can't tell you what to do but here is what I did. I took a few weeks to think about things and not make any final decisions and told my wife that. Anticipate that you will be on an emotional roller coaster for awhile and need to calm down before you choose your path, especially since your kids are involved. Your feelings and desires will change day by day, and sometimes minute by minute. Once you calm down you need to decide what you want for yourself and what you are able to accept in your marriage. Remember it is your decision to make from here and you have to live with it for the rest of your life. She made her decision already, which unfortunately leaves this mess up to you to deal with. Your actions and decisions define you as a man, so make good ones. And realize, she is no longer the person you thought she was. In reality if you knew what she would become you would never have asked her to marry you.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> I have no words.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

intheory said:


> zak
> 
> Sorry you find yourself in this sad situation.
> 
> ...


Lot of wisdom in this post. Your current situation aside, get some skills and get employed. You need independence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

