# My thoughts Right now,



## Greyfox (Dec 7, 2011)

I've been married to my wife for 5 years now. Really i don't know what happen. i guess it was after my son was born. it seems like she and I became very distance. The last three years I have done the best i can for her and her two children from a previous marriage. I was only 19 when i met her. I guess the stress of debit and levels of energy and goals became much different in the last few years. My sex drive is much higher do to my age, Which has lead us to have had many problem in that area of life. I love her but in the end i feel as tho all my efforts have come to not. Last night i have packed my things and today i'm going to move in with my dad until i can find a place to live. Right now I'm sitting with my son until she gets off of work. But i'm having a hard time looking at him. Weird i know, But every-time i look at him my heart aches. I feel as tho i am failing him. I don't want to be a part time dad. Also The bond That have grown between me and her daughters is now gone. I turn makes my feel guilty that I have to leave them. I think that they will have to wrong ideal about love. There father is never in the picture so now there new dad is going to disappear. They won't even talk to me. I know that i'm not perfect and we had problems just like everyone else. also She asked me If her friend of 12 year could live with us because she had lost her mother. I'm not cold hearted but this was a big mistake on my part in agreeing to it. It became that her mother and her friend had taken my place in her heart. I worked to take care of her, my son, Her two daughters, Her best friend and her son, In which her friend didn't have a job. So i became the father of another child. I just so tried, began to have chronic headaches. So thought that should try to do things for myself. Which came back to bite me in the ass. She complained about her not doing anything fun, but with everyone that i had to take care of this sent shivers of anger though me. But me being me which i'm a pretty laid back guy took it. I gave up my music and Gym membership so she could have fun. There is much more to it i think but i can't handle thinking about it anymore. I keep Telling myself that it's going to be ok, but Random tears keep coming in the most random times and places. I feel i have wasted most of my youth. The only good thing to come of this is my son who is sleeping in my lap. But Things i tell myself in don'y really believe, I alone again and empty now, I just needed to let some of this out before i lost my sanity. Thanks for Letting me pour open for a second. I know Alot of this stuff seems random and not a flowing story, But that the way my mind is right now sorry. I just wish it never ended up this way.


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

be strong


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Wow, you took in another family? Are they still living in the house? 

Maybe you need to put your foot down and kick the wife's friend out. My husnand and I took in my parents when my dad lost his job, so they could get back up on their feet. It was not easy at all. It was so nice for all of us once they were gone. My mother is a very difficult woman to live with. She HAS to have everything her way, even in my house. 

I'm so sorry your going through this, it sounds like you sacrificed a lot to make your wife happy. How does she feel about the move? Are you trying to work through the marriage? I understand your bond with your children. Both my husband and I could not live without them. They are our pride and joy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Greyfox (Dec 7, 2011)

Well Thanks you guys for your input on the matter. I know many people have gone through allot worst than I. And this is what tells me that I have to be strong. That I can't give to emotions in this matter. I'm just not use to crying lol. I have tried to share with her that the extra stress on my pocket and the further strain on the my love spend out among more people have left me drain and zombie-like. But i had requested that Her friend needed to move on and let my family live our lives ( I do understand the loss of a love one in her friends case) but It was now tearing us apart. But she responded that How could in ask her to leave her friend in such a Hard time in her life? ( Her friend had already lived with us for over a year). Then a week later I had no choice but to take sometime for myself. After a month of separation she had asked me come back home, that my son missed me. So of course i came back. But at that point i knew that i held no real importance in her life. I was just micah dad in her eyes, And this is not fact only my point of view i must tell you that that was the only love she had for me. So another year when by of hidden bitterest. I just I' m tried of giving love but not feeling as tho I get it in return. I'm hurt but it time to move on I think. I feel for my wife daughters, And if she would allow me to, I would like to tell them that i love them very much and i'm sorry that another father is leaving you, But i would be there for them as long as i could. And that i may not be in the same house as you but i'm only a phone call away, I just hope they understand, But they are children and only have some understanding of whats going on. I know This is allot of information, But i'm just trying to use this form as a way to get my mind ready for the change. i;m just not use to not having allot of people around. So i have made goals to go back to the gym and get my body right, to make friends which i don't really have any but that is what it take to be a husband and father. Just to say don't feel sorry for me or pity me. That not what i want. i just want to say my piece. I know it a long responds but once i started typing all these things come to me. Thank you once again for letting me prepare myself to move on.


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