# BP-Sometimes you just can't deal



## guiltygirl (Aug 8, 2008)

It has been some time since I've been on this site. I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for. I've been dealing with BP since my early 20s, though I wasn't diagnosed until about 5 years ago. It seems to have gotten worse as the years have gone by.

Amazingly enough, my husband has worked really hard in recent years to be supportive and understanding. I am truly blessed to have him in my life. I feel sorry for him though, and I wish he didn't have to put up with all of my issues.

I've learned to recognize my depression and manic phases. Unfortunately, I feel I spend very little time feeling "normal". I've accepted that this is my life. When I'm in a depressed phase, as I often am, I long to escape this prison. I'm so tired of the apathy and moodiness, and I hate how it affects my family. I always apologize and try to explain my outbursts, etc. I end up feeling guilty and just wanting to shut out the whole world. This is where I am right now. I guess that's what drew me to this site.

When I'm in a manic state, it's not extreme, but I always seem to be living in some fantasy state of mind. To me though, it seems like reality. I love living in this world, but I know from therapy that it's better to live in reality. Mania often gets me into some sort of trouble, as is true with most people with BP. 

I am a teacher, and I stay home with my kids in the summer. This is when my restlessness seems to come out. I try to do things like exercising, etc., but I always end up either depressed or restless or both. This may sound ridiculous, but I am a Facebook addict too. I had to stop this for the sake of my marriage. I want to stop this from happening every summer. I've come to realize that being home full-time is NOT good for me. It allows me to be self-indulgent and leads to boredom. I guess I feel it exacerbates my BP symptoms. 

Now, I am feeling completely overwhelmed trying to begin preparation for the new school year. They have made several changes, and I just can't figure out what to do. I feel hopeless and apathetic. I am angry and emotional too. Such is BP, right? 

Are there any other people with BP out there who might be able to offer any input? I think what I'm really looking for here is support. Thanks.


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## guiltygirl (Aug 8, 2008)

*Re: BP-Sometimes you just can't deal/ DON'T READ*

It seems that many people have read my post, but no one has responded. I guess there's nobody out there who can identify. So, stop after reading this, and don't waste your time. (Yes, I know I sound melodramatic.)


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I don't have a lot to say--I sort of know how you feel. I've always said there should be a 12-step program in conjunction with BP treatment because of course we all like mania so much better than anything else!

I've personally decided not to have kids because it's too risky to be off meds that long, and I'd hate to risk passing this on. So I think you're very brave to have even rolled that set of dice!

Other than that, it sounds like you're really aware of your cycling, your triggers. I'm sure you know too that we tend to cycle more frequently as we age, if we're unmedicated or drastically under-medicated. Is any of that the case? If so, a trip to your prescriber could be very helpful--sometimes a dosage tweak is all it takes. Otherwise, as much as it sucks, you just have to set things up to prevent the triggers. Get a part time job in the summer, block Facebook or put a timer on the site, just take things one step at a time and get through the changes....you know that in the end, things will flip. It's the nature of our beast


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I usually have my depressive attack right in the middle of my semester. I start feeling hopeless, like nothing is going to work out, and getting up every day gets really difficult. I can keep getting up, though. But when i have breaks in between semesters i would get so depressed i wouldnt get out of bed or shower for days. It would get pretty ugly. But I work a part time job now so I dont get that depressed anymore. it might be as simple as just finding something to do during the summer.


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## KLynn82 (Jul 27, 2010)

I think you are very brave, guiltygirl. And I think it's awesome that you recognize (and are willing to) your feelings and then can act accordingly. I don't suffer from Bp or depression, but my boyfriend does, and he's in a similar state right now--pushing everyone away, extremely moody, low energy. It's hard to see him like this, but reading your post helps provide some insight into what he's going through. Your husband is lucky that you realize the good he brings to your life--I wish my boyfriend did about me. 

Hang in there! Keep reaching out!


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

*Re: BP-Sometimes you just can't deal/ DON'T READ*



guiltygirl said:


> It seems that many people have read my post, but no one has responded. I guess there's nobody out there who can identify. So, stop after reading this, and don't waste your time. (Yes, I know I sound melodramatic.)


Holy crap!  Melodramatic? Having a bit of a pity party are you? Time to get over yourself...

First, have you seen a medical doctor about this? Have you been diagnosed as bipolar? First thing is to do is to see a physician so you know for sure. Then you need to get referred to a licensed psychiatrist who can start you on a medical treatment and you'll need to combine this with some therapy. It's not easy and you probably won't find either the right combination of meds and therapy right away but you'll need to be patient. 

Now is the time you where you'll need to lean on that nice husband of yours and communicate with him about what is is you need to do. A supportive spouse makes a HUGE difference. Ask him to accompany you to the doctor and even the therapist so he knows how to work for and with you. 

A good diet and an exercise regimen is also a good way to go. Idle time doing nothing isn't helpful. You need to keep active. You might want to find a support group, join a gym, start a hobby. Do things that make you productive and happy. Do NOT sit around and do nothing and brood about your condition. That won't solve anything. 

What's important is that you don't just do ONE thing but you'll need to combine all these things to make progress. It's not easy but in the end you can turn yourself around. Remember that what you are suffering is no different than diabetes or heart disease or any illness. No need to be ashamed or angry but there is the need to do constructive things to make yourself better. There is NO shame in getting MEDICAL attention and THERAPY. You'll need a combination of BOTH to overcome this.

Or you can sit there and be angry at everyone and feel sorry for yourself. Your choice. 

Oh, BTW, been where you are and done it. I was you 10 years ago. I wish you luck.


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