# love my husband but not horney for him...



## lizzie187 (Jan 1, 2012)

So I've been married for 11+ yrs. I love my husband. He's a great dad, works hard for our family, and my best friend. The only problem? I am no longer sexually attracted to him. What is a girl to do? Forgive me please....He was never the best lover to begin with, but thats not why I married him, right? I married him because he's kind, caring, and funny. The sex thing will always come along later, right? Here we are 11 years later and I am so unfufilled. What am I to do? I guess I could be brutally honest and tell him everything, but I don't want to hurt him. Any suggestions?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This is your second post on the same topic... except in the other one you say that you are horney for someone else...


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/37397-love-my-husband-horny-someone-else.html#post533801

The advice remains the same....

First.... forget the 'horney for someone else' .. so what. It's easy to get horney for someone else. Just let that nonsense go.

Find ways to spice up you sex life with your husband. Surely there are things that you could introduce that will spice things up.

Marriages go through ups and downs. If you act on the 'horny for someone else' you will end up without that hardworking husband who loves you and is a good father to your child(ren).


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

My real question is how do you know your H is not the best. Have you had better experience. 
I am not sure why you cant tell him. Depending how you say it, it shouldnt really hurt his feelings. Maybe he realises youre comparing him to someone else.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

lizzie, you need to GET horny for him.
If you love him and love your marriage, then talk to him about what you need sexually. Let him know your desires, learn his and make it happen.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

lizzie, eleven years may seem like a long time but compared to twenty or more, it's not. If the sex isn't what you were looking for, what have YOU done to improve it? How often do you try to initiate the action and if he's not trying to give you what you need, how often have you told him what it is that would make it better?
You don't have to deliver the information in a hurtful way, but since women have a way of getting OTHER things from a guy in a crafty way, there's no reason that you can't deal with this in the same way IF your really want to find the solution.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Go to 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/36925-im-lousy-bed.html 

Please read Halien's comments.

Also I will repeat my questions and have changed them for you.....

How wonderful????? Lousy is being inconsiderate, way quick on the draw, no foreplay, no orgasm, one position and no enthusiasm....

Which one is it? What a terrible thing to say. All men will say to a woman about sex is is that they unadventurous, or lie there. All else is good. Men however are under so much pressure to perform.

So tell me after how many years and orgasms have you decided this???? Doe he have any idea he is bad?

I know I am lousy too, however I am always ready, there to please, do 95% of the work and make sure she is satisfied on the minimal instructions she gives me.......

Do you have a regular sex life? Did you talk about sex at all? Does he have PE or ED problems? Are you willing to work on them with you (if so)? Do you orgasm a high % of times (i.e. 80%+)? Are you vocal ever during sex? Do you ever guide him? Did you/he ever read a book, a how to manual or instructuional video? Do you share fantasies? Do you masturbate on her own? Does you have a higher sex drive? Are you more experienced then you?


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Attractions is something that cannot be controlled. If you are "horny" for someone else that is not really a problem. If you act on it then it is.

Men don't know what women want. Me don't read minds although most women wish they did. Tell him that you would like to try some different things in bed because you're going through a sexual awakening. Tell him that he's a wonderful lover and you want to experience even more with him. Be honest but don't be cruel. Most of the time men love honesty and directness. We also would like our wives, girlfriends etc to tell us what they like. A devoted man WANTS to please in bed but every woman is different. We can read all the books in the world but you need to tell him what buttons to push that make YOU happy.

There is no road map and GPS doesn't work in this area so guide him well.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

No, the 'sex thing' doesn't come along later...as you're finding out.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

:iagree: Sex in my relationship from 20 years ago is almost the same as it is now. Doubt it will change or get better for you.


that_girl said:


> No, the 'sex thing' doesn't come along later...as you're finding out.


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