# Questionable Marriage Proposal



## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

My friends’ fiancé proposed to her over the phone and she accepted his proposal. He’s been working out of town for the last three months and they are respecting self isolation rules, so they haven’t seen each other since then. But, she was so disappointed today when he took a ride home to pick something up and didn’t bother to make plans for them to see each other, especially considering the fact that they just got engaged? Looking for some insight.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

Did you ask him about it? and do you always leave it up to him to "make plans"?


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

He works a lot of hours. No..plans are made from both sides.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

If it bothers/hurts you, it seems important that you tell him.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

VibrantWings said:


> If it bothers/hurts you, it seems important that you tell him.


I don't think TS is part of the newly engaged, a friend of TS's is.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Bobbyjo said:


> My friends’ fiancé proposed to her over the phone and she accepted his proposal. He’s been working out of town for the last three months and they are respecting self isolation rules, so they haven’t seen each other since then. But, she was so disappointed today when he took a ride home to pick something up and didn’t bother to make plans for them to see each other, especially considering the fact that they just got engaged? Looking for some insight.


How long have they been a couple?


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

i have to say it is strange. being in town, and not planning to see your brand new fiancee. Even stranger that the idea did not come up at all during the phone conversation from either side. Maybe they are not as comfortable with each other as they shoudl be at this level of commitment.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

How do you know he didn't bother?
Maybe he traveled home to get an engagement ring for her, didn't want her to know, or some other surprise. 

Or to do something else he had to do in person, he realized he had to short notice, didn't want to have a five minute liaison then leave to get back to work, thus didn't want his fiance to be bummed out or be thought he came by for a quickie.

Or something similar. 

Or even didn't want her to be put at risk from him as he's been working perhaps around strangers, and they'd have to kiss even if only had a short time together on this trip he had to make.

One shouldn't be overly quick to assign negative inventions here without more information, just imho.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> How do you know he didn't bother?
> Maybe he traveled home to get an engagement ring for her, didn't want her to know, or some other surprise.
> 
> Or to do something else he had to do in person, he realized he had to short notice, didn't want to have a five minute liaison then leave to get back to work, thus didn't want his fiance to be bummed out or be thought he came by for a quickie.
> ...


you still talk about all these things


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

WandaJ said:


> you still talk about all these things


I don't disagree with that, it's a likely topic  but not an absolute.

I'm only throwing out there - for all we know he could've made a quick trip home to get his great grandmother's engagement ring to surprise his fiance the first time that they could get together for a normal length of time.

We just don't have all the particulars.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Bobbyjo said:


> My friends’ fiancé proposed to her over the phone and she accepted his proposal. He’s been working out of town for the last three months and they are respecting self isolation rules, so they haven’t seen each other since then. But, she was so disappointed today when he took a ride home to pick something up and didn’t bother to make plans for them to see each other, especially considering the fact that they just got engaged? Looking for some insight.


Unless it was the ring, that's a pretty big red flag something is off here.

I mean, if I hadn't seen my wife for three months and I rolled into town, it would be a pretty shag-a-licious night that night. And we've been married a long time.

Sounds like the level of passion in the relationship is potentially pretty low. I wouldn't want that in a marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bobbyjo said:


> My friends’ fiancé proposed to her over the phone and she accepted his proposal. He’s been working out of town for the last three months and they are respecting self isolation rules, so they haven’t seen each other since then. But, she was so disappointed today when *he took a ride home to pick something up and didn’t bother to make plans for them to see each other*, especially considering the fact that they just got engaged? Looking for some insight.


When you say "took a ride home" do you mean that he drove himself to back to his home, or that someone else drove him, or that he used public transportation, or a taxi? All this makes a difference.

How did she find out that he went to his home to pickup something?


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> When you say "took a ride home" do you mean that he drove himself to back to his home, or that someone else drove him, or that he used public transportation, or a taxi? All this makes a difference.
> 
> How did she find out that he went to his home to pickup something?


He drove to his place in his own car. He works about 3 hours away. As for the engagement ring...it was sent to her. She opened the envelope and saw the ring...he was on his phone with an empty box in hand and proposed.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's still not clear how she knew that he drove to his place to pick up some things today.

How long have they been seeing each other?


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> It's still not clear how she knew that he drove to his place to pick up some things today.
> 
> How long have they been seeing each other?


They’ve been together for almost 2 years. She found out about him driving down while she was at work.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bobbyjo said:


> They’ve been together for almost 2 years. She found out about him driving down while she was at work.


Did he tell her that he was in town or did someone else tell her?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It's still not an absolute that he had any ill intentions. It's unclear the reason why, and a relevant detail is who told her; him, one of his or their friends, or if a person that's just her friend and put a negative spin on it.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

For me it is strange. If it was good friend of mine coming to my town, he or she would share that with me. We are talking here about two people who are supposed to get married. At least issues with communications are the problem, but could be more. Not neccessary cheating, but I think Marduk put it right about low level of passion in the relationship.


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Did he tell her that he was in town or did someone else tell her?


He told her, but she didn’t know he was coming down. He didn’t tell her.


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

Bobbyjo said:


> He told her, but she didn’t know he was coming down. He didn’t tell her.


He told her after he went to his house to pick something up and had already left to head back to work.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Bobbyjo said:


> He told her after he went to his house to pick something up and had already left to head back to work.


And the problem is? 

OP, you're not stoking your friend's emotions and fears are you? Or stirring up angst where none existed?


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> And the problem is?
> 
> OP, you're not stoking your friend's emotions and fears are you? Or stirring up angst where none existed?


Not at all. She will ultimately decide to do There’s a lot of history that I have not shared. I am concerned and sceptical. If it were me being proposed to, I would prefer that it be done in person. Also, if my fiancé drove 3 hours to come home to get something the day after we got engaged...I would want to see my fiancé in person. I don’t think that is unreasonable.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Bobbyjo said:


> Not at all. She will ultimately decide to do There’s a lot of history that I have not shared. I am concerned and sceptical. If it were me being proposed to, I would prefer that it be done in person. Also, if my fiancé drove 3 hours to come home to get something the day after we got engaged...I would want to see my fiancé in person. I don’t think that is unreasonable.


I'm not in disagreement with you all the way. Just knowing guys in general he may have acted unwisely but thought he was putting her safety first in these days. 

Or similar. 

He went to a lot of effort to get engaged, although the who/what/whys only your friend's inner circle if anyone knows would be aware. I'm sure this is deeper than it looks.

Thanks!


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm not in disagreement with you all the way. Just knowing guys in general he may have acted unwisely but thought he was putting her safety first in these days.
> 
> Or similar.
> 
> ...


I’m sure it is deeper than what it seems. He did go through the steps to propose. What I’m seeing is my friend who seems to be feeling overwhelmed and unsure about her future. She loves him....there’s no doubt and I believe he loves her too. My friend is a giver with a huge heart. I just don’t want to see her get hurt or taken advantage of. She has been burnt in her 1st marriage 3 years ago. Anyway...like I mentioned before. If it were me in her shoes...I would have wanted things to be done differently. He could have at least let her know he was coming home for a short time and saw each other from a safe distance for safety’s sake. I would of said forget social distancing and let’s hug and kiss.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bobbyjo said:


> I’m sure it is deeper than what it seems. He did go through the steps to propose. What I’m seeing is my friend who seems to be feeling overwhelmed and unsure about her future. She loves him....there’s no doubt and I believe he loves her too. My friend is a giver with a huge heart. I just don’t want to see her get hurt or taken advantage of. She has been burnt in her 1st marriage 3 years ago. Anyway...like I mentioned before. If it were me in her shoes...I would have wanted things to be done differently. *He could have at least let her know he was coming home for a short time and saw each other from a safe distance for safety’s sake. I would of said forget social distancing and let’s hug and kiss.*


How much exposure does he have to other people with his work and where he is staying?

For example, if he's a medical worker, there is no way he should see her in person right now.


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> How much exposure does he have to other people with his work and where he is staying?
> 
> For example, if he's a medical worker, there is no way he should see her in person right now.


No he is not a medics worker. He works around others and has been taking all safety precautions to protect others and himself. 
at this point in time, I see people chatting everywhere and some not even wearing a mask. Things are not as restricting as before.I mentioned before, if I just got engaged I would have made every effort to see my fiancé by now...it’s been over 3 months.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bobbyjo said:


> No he is not a medics worker. He works around others and has been taking all safety precautions to protect others and himself.
> at this point in time, I see people chatting everywhere and some not even wearing a mask. Things are not as restricting as before.I mentioned before, if I just got engaged I would have made every effort to see my fiancé by now...it’s been over 3 months.


If your friend feels that there is a problem she should address it directly with her fiancé. If she does not like the outcome that that conversation then she should break off the engagement.

Has she spoken to him about her concern and that she wants to see him in person at this time?


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