# Is she cheating???



## C&C (Aug 14, 2011)

My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. We have had some ups and downs but I can honestly say that I loved every minute. We have two children one in his early twenty's and another in her mid teens. My wife has been a waitress pretty much since I met her, she has worked a few different places and has always said that they were jobs, she decided that she wanted to do something different . She mentioned that she was thinking about going back to school, which I fully supported. I was concerned about losing the full time income but figured we would manage with my income. A few weeks later she told me that she went on a tour of a local business school and enrolled. She said that she wanted to become a massage therapist and wanted to know if I would be ok with it. I told her that as long as it was kept at a professional level it would be fine. Now since I met my wife she has been very protective of me, if I so much as looked at another women she would get upset, so I learned to avoid any possible contact (looks, talking, etc) with any female with the exception of family. I love my wife and if this made her happy than it was a small price to pay. So it was a little uncomfortable to imagine her touching basically naked men and of course women. But again if this is what she wanted than I would deal with it. So she went to school and was doing great, she would get calls and texts from people at school and potential clients. One morning we were both off for a holiday and sleeping when her phone rang, she looked at it and let it go to voice mail. About 10 minutes later it rang again, she let it go to voice mail again. I asked her who was calling so early and she said it was just a guy from school, he was old and gets up early. So I didn't think much of it. A few minutes later I got out of bed to make a bathroom trip, when I opened the door to come back in I heard her talking very quietly on the phone, it seemed like when she realized I was there she completely changed the subject and tone of voice to school matters. This started to turn some lights on. A few weeks later I received a text from our phone carrier saying that we are almost over our plan minutes, which was not normal. I checked into it and found that my wife used just about all of the minutes on basically two numbers after researching them I found that they were both for the guy. One was his cell and the other his home phone. There were calls for over 90 minutes at a time. They would start right after I went to work and while she was on break at work and on her way home from work. They were never there when I was around. I asked her about it and she said that they were just friends from school and were talking about school matters or doing homework. She said that he was an old guy and had absolutely no interest other than school, in him. It just felt wrong to me, it didn't make sense. She said that he was married and had kids. I later found out that this old guy is only 5 years older than my wife. We rarely argue or fight but I had enough and demanded for her to tell me the truth. She insisted that she was. I told her that I wanted three things to believe her. 1) Tell me why it is so important that she talks with this guy so much. 2) let me see the texts that they were sending each other. 3) If they were just friends than we should all go out for a drink or something together, including his wife.
She said that he was just somebody to talk to and that if she showed me the texts than it would be like she was in prison. The argument went on for hours and she confessed that she liked all of the attention that he was giving her, but that was the extent of it. I could never put the two of them together anywhere, so I kind of believed her. She said that she would talk to him less and keep it limited to school matters only. She has cut back with the phone calls quiet a bit. But little things seem the slip out now and then, like yes he is married but not happily, they are basically room mates. I'm still not sure what is going on but I am very suspicious. Should I be?


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Is she cheating? I love it when threads have titles like that. I know the answer will be "yes" before I even read it.

Oh, sorry. I digress. The answer is "yes, she's cheating". I've got a cumulative 90 minutes of conversation with women that my wife doesn't know in our 20 years of marrigae, give or take an hour. Your wife does that in one shot. All while you are gone. All with a man she's very close to but not really interested in you meetng. You know the answer.

Do a little more snooping and get some evidence before confronting. After you have your evidence, start the confrontation with "please hand me your phone right now". I have no fear of my wife looking at my phone. Ever. I'll be your wife does.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

MrK said:


> Is she cheating? I love it when threads have titles like that. I know the answer will be "yes" before I even read it.


I know, right?

90 minute phone calls as soon as you leave, hiding in the bathroom, being suspect/weird about her phone. All signs point to YES.

Get a voice activiated recorder and plant it somewhere that she talks on the phone. Listen for anything weird.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh and her lying about the "old man"--when he was really only 5 yrs older than her? Priceless.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MrK said:


> *Is she cheating? I love it when threads have titles like that. I know the answer will be "yes" before I even read it.*
> 
> Oh, sorry. I digress. The answer is "yes, she's cheating". I've got a cumulative 90 minutes of conversation with women that my wife doesn't know in our 20 years of marrigae, give or take an hour. Your wife does that in one shot. All while you are gone. All with a man she's very close to but not really interested in you meetng. You know the answer.
> 
> Do a little more snooping and get some evidence before confronting. After you have your evidence, start the confrontation with "please hand me your phone right now". I have no fear of my wife looking at my phone. Ever. I'll be your wife does.


I confess I opened this with the same thought ... I feel just a tad bad about that ... but now I am going to read the post.

It does seem however that by the time someone gets to posting here it is well over the top already.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

C&C said:


> My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. We have had some ups and downs but I can honestly say that I loved every minute. We have two children one in his early twenty's and another in her mid teens. My wife has been a waitress pretty much since I met her, she has worked a few different places and has always said that they were jobs, she decided that she wanted to do something different . She mentioned that she was thinking about going back to school, which I fully supported. I was concerned about losing the full time income but figured we would manage with my income. A few weeks later she told me that she went on a tour of a local business school and enrolled. She said that she wanted to become a massage therapist and wanted to know if I would be ok with it. I told her that as long as it was kept at a professional level it would be fine. Now since I met my wife she has been very protective of me, if I so much as looked at another women she would get upset, so I learned to avoid any possible contact (looks, talking, etc) with any female with the exception of family. I love my wife and if this made her happy than it was a small price to pay. So it was a little uncomfortable to imagine her touching basically naked men and of course women. But again if this is what she wanted than I would deal with it. So she went to school and was doing great, she would get calls and texts from people at school and potential clients. One morning we were both off for a holiday and sleeping when her phone rang, she looked at it and let it go to voice mail. About 10 minutes later it rang again, she let it go to voice mail again. I asked her who was calling so early and she said it was just a guy from school, he was old and gets up early. So I didn't think much of it. A few minutes later I got out of bed to make a bathroom trip, when I opened the door to come back in I heard her talking very quietly on the phone, it seemed like when she realized I was there she completely changed the subject and tone of voice to school matters. This started to turn some lights on. A few weeks later I received a text from our phone carrier saying that we are almost over our plan minutes, which was not normal. I checked into it and found that my wife used just about all of the minutes on basically two numbers after researching them I found that they were both for the guy. One was his cell and the other his home phone. There were calls for over 90 minutes at a time. They would start right after I went to work and while she was on break at work and on her way home from work. They were never there when I was around. I asked her about it and she said that they were just friends from school and were talking about school matters or doing homework. She said that he was an old guy and had absolutely no interest other than school, in him. It just felt wrong to me, it didn't make sense. She said that he was married and had kids. I later found out that this old guy is only 5 years older than my wife. We rarely argue or fight but I had enough and demanded for her to tell me the truth. She insisted that she was. I told her that I wanted three things to believe her. 1) Tell me why it is so important that she talks with this guy so much. 2) let me see the texts that they were sending each other. 3) If they were just friends than we should all go out for a drink or something together, including his wife.
> She said that he was just somebody to talk to and that if she showed me the texts than it would be like she was in prison. The argument went on for hours and she confessed that she liked all of the attention that he was giving her, but that was the extent of it. I could never put the two of them together anywhere, so I kind of believed her. She said that she would talk to him less and keep it limited to school matters only. She has cut back with the phone calls quiet a bit. But little things seem the slip out now and then, like yes he is married but not happily, they are basically room mates. I'm still not sure what is going on but I am very suspicious. Should I be?


YES. She is carrying on at least an EA with this guy. She has a lack of transparency.

You guys need to setup boundaries as it pertains to the opposite sex. I am assuming their homework is related to a business class and that it it does not involve massage. 

She is hiding the relationship from you. You need to get real concerned ... real fast. If it is early in the EA you have a chance to stop it. BUT realize she will need to go total NC with this guy. You actually have enough evidence now to act. Realize that in this situation everyday delayed is critical.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Yes, it sounds like she doesn't understand what the boundaries are in your relationship.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Definitely an EA. Tell her if he is "just a friend", then she should have no problem breaking off all contact with him.


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## arack (Aug 23, 2011)

This sounds like a classic emotional affair. Ask her to end this immediately. If she doesn't, expose her to your family and her family. This will kill the fairy tale pretty quickly.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

"A recent study … explores the correlation of various occupations and rates of separation and divorce. … Dancers and choreographers registered the highest divorce rates (43.1 percent), followed by bartenders (38.4 percent) and massage therapists (38.2 percent). Also in the top 10 were casino workers, telephone operators, nurses and home health aides. Three types of engineers — agricultural, sales and nuclear engineers — were represented among the 10 occupations with the lowest divorce rates. Also reporting low marital breakup rates were optometrists (4 percent), clergy (5.6 percent) and podiatrists (6.8 percent). "

And make her get another profession too.

http://www.overcomingbias.com/2010/09/low-divorce-jobs.html


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## southernmagnolia (Apr 12, 2011)

I would say it's in the 95% range that she is, at least a ea. If you can manage to nip in the bud now, it might not become a pa and she might come to her senses. All the signs are there and as it usually goes she is lying to you and probably herself also. 

You need to do what you need to do to get the proof, then confront her with it, then insist she make a decision and be tough and ready to back it up. Tell her she can't have you and the OM. 

The longer you allow it to go on, the farther she will be from you and a possible reconciliation.


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## adam70 (Sep 9, 2011)

she is cheating you be carefull.


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## is he married (Sep 9, 2011)

Most likely your wife is cheating. Listen to that little voice inside your head. But before any confrontations, back it back with your own gathered evidence so she can't deny anything.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Cut it off and cut it off completely now----they are not just friends---friends do not ever talk for that length of time, and have that many contacts

Tell her calmly, that it stops now, and if she refuses, then tell her fine--to get the he*l out of the house, and let him take care of her

You MUST let her know this is inappropriate, and you are deadly serious that it stops, and does not happen again

You have a problem in that she sees him at school, so that has to be dealt with---if she plays the YOU ARE CONTROLLING card---tell her none of this would have come about BUT FOR her inappropriate behavior-----put a stop to this now, before you regret what might happen later if you do nothing


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

It's just like when people ask me how I discipline my daughter, I tell them I don't, because she's never given me a reason to feel I had to.

Just the same with the W, I've never had to spy on her or be controlling, because she has never given me a reason to feel I had to.

Your W is giving you a reason to feel you have to.


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

At the very least, he is having an EA with her. My H is participating in an EA as well, however we are seeking help.

She needs to cut off *all* contact with him and if she refuses, then I would consider your options.


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