# My wife is cheating with a close relative



## muyeshi (Jan 30, 2014)

Dear Friends,

I need help here. I am married for 9 years now and we have two kids. Two days ago I discovered with shock that my wife is cheating with my cousin. The cousin is the son to my father’s sister. Recently my wife forgot to log-out on facebook and I bumped into her conversation with my cousin. They were talking of how they have been meeting in a guesthouse to have sex. They even talk about having sex in my own bed when I am away. According to the dates on facebook, their activities have been going on for 15 months now. I even discovered that my wife has a secret phone number, which she uses to contact him. I have all the evidence about their activities. I have not talked to any one about this. My cousin is very close to our family and he visits frequently. 

Please help me on what to do. I don’t want to make decisions out of anger.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Confront her. Kick her out. Expose them both to the family. File for divorce. You don't have to follow thru with the divorce, but she needs to know you mean business.


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

I hope you printed the Facebook page.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Please listen to Thound.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I would start by calling her secret number then hang up. When she sees your number she will know you know something. Then text her and ask "is there something you need to tell me?"

I also agree with thound's idea

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Gather all your evidence before you let the cat out of the bag.

Make multiple copies. Keep at least one copy in a safe place away from your home.

Get a VAR ( voice activated recorder) and have it on when you confront your wife, just in case she goes strange on you. You don't need a false domestic violence charge filed against you.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Does this cousin have a wife or GF? If so, tell them.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Print out their Facebook chats, invite him over and tell them you want to show them something in the kitchen. Then show them.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Get your ducks in a row. Get all the legal advice you can, in case this does go to divorce. Do you have a joint bank account? Separate your finances.

And if you do expose, tell all relatives BEFORE you confront her-then she and lil' cousin can't get their stories straight and make you look like a paranoid creep in your families eyes.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

F-102 said:


> Get your ducks in a row. Get all the legal advice you can, in case this does go to divorce. Do you have a joint bank account? Separate your finances.
> 
> And if you do expose, tell all relatives BEFORE you confront her-then she and lil' cousin can't get their stories straight and make you look like a paranoid creep in your families eyes.


This. Get legal advice before you do anything.

C


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Don't say anything yet. Talk to a lawyer. Bring home some divorce papers; you don't have to divorce, just let her see you're considering it.

Tell her you want it to stop. Today.

If she refuses, go to the phone and start calling her parents, her siblings, her pastor, and her best friend. Tell them she refuses to end her affair and you'd like their help talking sense into her. Tell them that, once the OM is out of the picture and you two have a chance to address your marriage fairly without the 'drug' of the affair high, you will honor her wishes if she wants out of the marriage, but to do so while still cheating helps no one.

Also contact his/your family and let them know what HE is doing.

Then sit back and wait to see what she does next.

You have only a TINY window of opportunity to do this right. The only cases that survive are when the betrayed spouse acts swiftly, decisively, and makes it clear they will NOT allow cheating in their marriage. She MUST see you strong and decisive.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Print out their Facebook chats, invite him over and tell them you want to show them something in the kitchen. Then show them.


Perhaps not. If this gets confrontational/physical, and the police get involved, she could very well have YOU dragged out in handcuffs, and lil' cousin will be a very handy witness for her.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

syhoybenden said:


> Gather all your evidence before you let the cat out of the bag.
> 
> Make multiple copies. Keep at least one copy in a safe place away from your home.
> 
> Get a VAR ( voice activated recorder) and have it on when you confront your wife, just in case she goes strange on you. You don't need a false domestic violence charge filed against you.


:iagree:

Its vital you gather everything you can before you let slip that you know about the affair. As stated make copies and find a place that NO ONE will find these unless you want them to. 

Get a key looger on the computer and make plans to find out when the next meeting is, especially at your home.

Be aware that if you set up recording equipment it really has to be hidden until you need to reclaim its content and then you MUST be prepared for what you see and/or hear. Its a real heart tearing experience witnessing an unfaithful partner having extramarital relationships.

Get legal advice NOW. Know what you can and cannot do. Be prepared that this marridge is potentailly over and a divorce is going to be a painful exterience for you and any children.

If youve got all the evidence and there is no way that it can be expalined away by you W then you can make the decison to file and let the families know whats going on or to confront then file.

Its dirty, hard and painful but if you let these people in on what you know now without 100% evidence they will go underground, discredit your versions wih lies that they buildt up and because theres 2 of them most people will follow their versions.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

This could be a sort of checklist:

1. PLAY DUMB! Don't let on that you know!

2. Consult with an attorney. Find out all of your legal options/obligations/etc. Get D papers ready and cover your ass.

3. Get your finances in order. Protect your assets and if you have a joint account, take out half and put it in your OWN account.

4. Go 007...get all the evidence you can. Put keyloggers on the computer, set up nanny cams in strategic locations in the house, put a VAR in her car, under the seat with STRONG velcro so that she doesn't find it.

5. When it comes time to confront, start with HIS family, then YOUR family, then HER family. Don't confront her before these are informed, and if you can, do it when you know she won't be near a phone, and inform them as close to you confronting her as possible.

6. Get ready for the show of shows. She could cry, beg you not to leave, blame you for the whole affair, promise not to see him again, try to "nice" you into staying, pretend that she doesn't know what you're talking about, etc... BELIEVE NONE OF IT! It's just like when an addict is confronted or a criminal is cuffed on one of those cop shows: just listen to all the excuses and lies they tell the cops or their loved ones.

7. DON'T SHOW YOUR HAND! If she demands to know how you found out or who you heard it from, tell her that that is not the issue-the issue here is HER dishonesty, not YOUR resourcefulness.

8. Most of all-STAND FAST! Don't lose your head. Don't cry, don't beg or plead. Keep yourself calm, cool and aloof. 

This is a gut-wrenching, soul-burning, ball-kicking time for you...KEEP YOUR HEAD!

Good Luck!


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Have her get the kids tested for DNA.

How would she feel if you had an affair with her cousin?

Someone could be cheating more than once with the secret phone.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

F-102 said:


> Perhaps not. If this gets confrontational/physical, and the police get involved, she could very well have YOU dragged out in handcuffs, and lil' cousin will be a very handy witness for her.


Who said it has to get physical? I simply told him to print it out and watch them with egg all over their face. 

I would never ever advocate violence. Especially on people who are unworthy of it.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> I would start by calling her secret number then hang up. When she sees your number she will know you know something. Then text her and ask "is there something you need to tell me?"
> 
> I also agree with thound's idea
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would wait to pull this maneuver until things are lined up. But I've posted before that's probably the best way to bust someone with a burner phone - text it "is there something you want to tell me?"

I'll also add: Burner phones are advanced cheater methods. This may not be her first rodeo.


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## bobbieb65 (Jan 24, 2013)

I agree with getting everything, and I mean everything documented and copied. Don't say anything, don't show your hand. Lawyer-up and do exactly what they say to do and nothing more. File for legal separation or divorce, whatever you need to do in your state/country. Hopefully based on her affair she will have to leave the family house and not you. 

Get the ball rolling and let the chips fall where they may. Don't be too quick burning bridges and try to turn family and friends against them...what if you work things out with your wife??? This will take time to play out so patience must be your first virtue right now.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Who said it has to get physical? I simply told him to print it out and watch them with egg all over their face.
> 
> I would never ever advocate violence. Especially on people who are unworthy of it.


Read BashfullBull's thread. When he confronted the AP and his WW together, they physically attacked him and HE was arrested.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Say, muyeshi, see if the mods can't move this thread to the Coping With Infidelity section...you'll get much more advice there.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

If she has a secret phone number then I have to ask. Does she have a Gmail or other Google accounts? I've know a few people to catch on that their SOs were using Google Voice. Gives you a new number without an extra phone. Just an app on your smart phone. I use it so I can have a work line and personal line on the same phone. A friend was able to log on to his SO's Google Voice account and the history box had a bunch of voice mails in it. It's nice because the app transcribes it for you. Texts. All sorts of history was able to be captured for personal, non-legal use.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

F-102 said:


> Read BashfullBull's thread. When he confronted the AP and his WW together, they physically attacked him and HE was arrested.


Well I hope he whooped their a$$e$


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

muyeshi said:


> Dear Friends,
> 
> I need help here. I am married for 9 years now and we have two kids. Two days ago I discovered with shock that my wife is cheating with my cousin. The cousin is the son to my father’s sister. Recently my wife forgot to log-out on facebook and I bumped into her conversation with my cousin. They were talking of how they have been meeting in a guesthouse to have sex. They even talk about having sex in my own bed when I am away. According to the dates on facebook, their activities have been going on for 15 months now. I even discovered that my wife has a secret phone number, which she uses to contact him. I have all the evidence about their activities. I have not talked to any one about this. My cousin is very close to our family and he visits frequently.
> 
> Please help me on what to do. I don’t want to make decisions out of anger.


Do you really want to sort this out with her??. What would you be able to sort out with your wife, shes cheating on you, deceiving you, and cheating on you with your cousin ( Lovely cousin by the way)

Tell her you know, and file for divorce, I would not spend another minute working on this marriage, swanning off to have sex with your cousin, and having sex with him in your bed.

Disgusting. You deserve better, a LOT better.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If you have what you need and the proof is there, then why prolong the inevitable. 

If you feel that what she did is a deal breaker and you no longer want to be with her, then hire a lawyer, have her served and throw her out. 

You've stated that you saw the evidence and I hope you printed it out. If that's all you need then there is no need to play dumb and let her and your cousin further humiliate you IMO. 

I would let everyone know what's going on from friends to family and let her and your cousin do the explaining.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

You need to collect the proof and keep it in a safe place, get all your affairs in order, see a divorce attorney and then let armageddon rain down on everyone - serve your wife with divorce papers, expose the affair to EVERYONE, cut off contact with your wife. Do it like this:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

F-102 said:


> Read BashfullBull's thread. When he confronted the AP and his WW together, they physically attacked him and HE was arrested.


I don't think that is something that happens in most cases of exposing.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

melw74 said:


> Do you really want to sort this out with her??. What would you be able to sort out with your wife, shes cheating on you, deceiving you, and cheating on you with your cousin ( Lovely cousin by the way)
> 
> Tell her you know, and file for divorce, I would not spend another minute working on this marriage, swanning off to have sex with your cousin, and having sex with him in your bed.
> 
> Disgusting. You deserve better, a LOT better.


Some blows are just too low to accept. You gotta drop her, and the cousin needs his a$$ whooped clearly and cleanly.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Hhmmm. I wonder.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I don't think that is something that happens in most cases of exposing.


No, but it might not hurt to have a trusted friend or family member present when he busts them...perhaps at the next family gathering?


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

turnera said:


> Don't say anything yet. Talk to a lawyer. Bring home some divorce papers; you don't have to divorce, just let her see you're considering it.
> 
> Tell her you want it to stop. Today.
> 
> ...


Given how close the infidelity is to the bloodline I don't any man with normal T levels is going to be able to get past this. Personally I think he needs to divorce her.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

OP,

1. Save all evidence of the infidelity. Make copies and take pictures and/or scan them. Email them to multiple emails and keep backups.

2. Go to bank and ask them for several months of statements. Open separate account and change your DD paycheck to their. 

3. Put freeze on all credit accounts. 

4. Contact attorney and explain situation. Interview several attorneys. Many attorneys are incompetent and many are wonderful. Both charge too much. 

5. Call for a close family meeting including the father of your cousin. EVERYBODY should know that MFer is partly responsible for destroying your marriage. He's scum. Any man that messes with a married woman IS SCUM!

6. Forget cries for forgiveness from wife.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

melw74 said:


> Do you really want to sort this out with her??. What would you be able to sort out with your wife, shes cheating on you, deceiving you, and cheating on you with your cousin ( Lovely cousin by the way)
> 
> Tell her you know, and file for divorce, I would not spend another minute working on this marriage, swanning off to have sex with your cousin, and having sex with him in your bed.
> 
> Disgusting. You deserve better, a LOT better.


OP, 

Read this quote. This poster makes sense. YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT HERE! You deserve better.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Some blows are just too low to accept. You gotta drop her, and the cousin needs his a$$ whooped clearly and cleanly.


Definitely..... And this one is a VERY low blow.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

I'm kind of wondering if this story is true or not. He hasn't responded to any comment yet. Whats the purpose of starting a thread and not responding to anything.


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

Not for nothing but ...... Thanksgiving later this year is probably going to be quite ummm AWKWARD  ???


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