# Is It Time To Move On?



## nomad3263 (May 29, 2013)

I have been abused by my wife, our children and my wife’s family for years and I think my wife is narcissistic. I have not reported it because I know there is no help available for men, especially for an American man stuck living in England. My wife was not meant to be able to have children and that is what I believed when I married her. I still used protection, however, until she forced me to stop using it. 

In her words, she could not get pregnant and she did not get as much pleasure when I used protection. She told me this every time we did anything. I was naive then (16 years ago) and wanted to please her which was a big mistake. The more I went out of my way to please her, the more she took advantage of me, in all walks of life, until it became habitual and I could not control her anymore.

I have stayed with her out of a sense of family duty because she did not seem interested in raising the children properly and developed a very violent temper after our first child was born. I have now gotten to the point where I am half-starved from trying to protect my wife and children from each other as they fight and scream at each other constantly.

I am far too busy to eat and the constant fighting and screaming makes me feel sick. This has been going on for years now and I am often forced to go for days at a time without eating anything and they don’t seem to notice or care. I have tried explaining this to my wife but she does not seem to understand. I have not played the role of father or husband for years now. Instead, I am a guardian to protect them from each other, but it is a very difficult job and I get no joy out of life anymore.

This cannot continue. This, as well as the severe abuse I received as a child from my highly narcissistic mother, is now affecting my mental health. My mother controlled me for more than 20 years with very high doses of prescription medication which made me very open to suggestion. I met my wife 16 years ago and she convinced me to stop taking the medication. 

It took a long time for the medication to get out of my system and then I went into a deep depression for a number of years where my wife seems to have taken advantage of me. I was an extrovert before my mother put me on the medication at the age of 12. I then turned completely introverted while I was on the medication.

About 3 years ago, I started turning extrovert again and am slowly getting to the point where I was at the age of 12. I seem to have conquered the depression on my own but I am now showing all the symptoms of PTSD including significant memory loss, flashbacks and high anxiety. Thinking back, perhaps I only married my wife because I was desperate to get away from my parents abuse and I have never actually known love of any kind. I am now starting to discover who I really am for the first time in more than 30 years, but there is no help available in England.

I have been forced to make a decision. After the abuse I received as a child and the abuse I have received from my wife and children and her family for 10 years now while I have been living in exile in England, I have now purchased a ticket back to America. I will be returning in 2 weeks with nothing but the undiagnosed PTSD all this abuse has given me. 

I have no home, but am returning to America and I will have to try and find a place to live and a job when I get there. Then I will have to wait until I can get insurance to have the PTSD treated - if I am not living on the street by then – I will have no money until I can find a job and a place to live. I also have no idea where I can go to get help. 

My wife and children will be staying in England until I can sort myself out. I feel bad about leaving them but after what they have done to me it will be a relief. The PTSD has given me significant memory loss and I don't really remember much about our marriage except the bad things. I just can't deal with them anymore. The children are both very badly behaved and are completely uncontrollable. They need help and my wife knows this but she won’t do anything and has made it impossible for me to do anything – at least from England. 

My wife lets them get away with everything and won't do anything about it. She has always refused to be a parent to them and has never let me be involved. She has turned into a child herself now and I cannot be intimate with her anymore. She won't accept responsibility for anything which has made it impossible for me to work. I am too busy doing everything else for them. I simply cannot sit back and watch her destroying the children like this. I have to do something. 
After all the work that has been done recognizing the valuable contribution and hard work put in by housewives over the years, I never thought I would see the day when a sort of role-reversal would make a woman look down on a man for being in the same situation. 

She wants me to go because she thinks I will be bringing them over, when I get a job, for a new life. I would like to do this, but things have to change first. I have nothing to bargain with while I am in England, but if I can sort myself out in America, perhaps I can negotiate with her. The problem is that I will have to work with immigration for her to enter the country as she is British. 

To do this, I will have to sign an affidavit of support, saying I will support her while she is here so she does not end up using public funds like welfare, which will commit me to staying with her. I don’t know if I want to live with her anymore and I will not at first be able to afford to live separately and support her as well. 

I will have to think long and hard about whether or not I want to do that. All she has ever done is use my money and get me into debt because she and the children seem to need instant gratification and they all have violent tempers if they do not get what they want. I am a very peaceful person and am very good managing money (when I have the control to do this), so this goes completely against who I am.

My wife is already talking about how she will start spending my money as soon as she arrives, on herself and the children, while I am away working. She does not seem to understand that we will have to be able to save money and can't have everything right away if this is going to work. She says she understands this, but she lies to me constantly to get what she wants, so I cannot trust her at all anymore. She has been doing this for years.

I am very anxious at the minute but I know that I have to get away from them, at least temporarily, so I can think about what I should do. I have only purchased a one-way ticket, so there is no way I will be returning to England. I am desperately hoping I will be able to quickly find help for myself when I get there as my mind is now in turmoil and I will have no access to money until I can get a job. I will also have no friends or family.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I am so very sad for you. Once you get back to the USA, if I were you, I would not bring them over. Thats like bringing the prison guards home with you after being released from prison. Why bring your abusers home with you? Stand up for yourself and tell her you are divorcing her, that you will send support for the kids. 

Do you have family stateside that you can turn to? (EDIT: never mind, I see where you say you dont)


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## Doubt&Wonder (Oct 29, 2007)

Some times a divorce will set you FREE!!


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Freedom!


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