# Friend Zone, or more?



## LonelyGuy69 (May 1, 2015)

Wasn't sure if I'm allowed to post in here, sorry if not, but looking for some ladies advice on this. 
Briefly, I've known this lady for over a year now, over that time we've got to know each other, and talked a lot more, so I saw her as a friend, although one you just chat too rather than actually go out with etc. recently she asked me to hers for a coffee, and we talked for while, now not having been this close to a woman one on one for a while was nice, but after I left, I got thinking, she did on occasion twist her haver hair, and point her foot while she crossed her leg, ( I heard these were signs of flirting ) but left it, she's also said that I could pop in anytime for a coffee, as she said she saw me passing but I never knocked. She deals in antiques and when I was there last she mentioned a place she'd like to go, and I asked where it was, her face kinda lit up and she said shall we go? I'm not sure if it's the thought of going, or going with me that made her smile? She showed me some books of stuff she collects, and we got quite close as we leant into them, and our hands got very close, I thought for a second about 'accidentally ' touching hers but didn't. I guess what I'm asking is how do I find out if she might like me, without asking her outright, and risk losing her friendship, altogether. Which I'd hate, as I get upset if I don't see her, and smile when I see her coming. Any advice would be great. Thanks


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## BronzeTorpedo (Dec 17, 2014)

It sounds like she's flirting. And it sounds like you're pretty inexperienced at flirting/dating and extremely risk averse to being rejected. So I'll speak in basic terms and hope you're not offended.

The way to absolutely know 100% what her intentions are is to ask her. But most women don't like being so explicit about chasing after a man. So I wouldn't recommend that. You're going to have to interpret her more subtle hints.

The basic steps for romance are instigate, isolate, and escalate. She already instigated by suggesting a trip. Assuming you're not going as part of a group of friends, you will also be isolated. So now you have to escalate. And, if you make this a day trip, you'll have a long while to do it. Start slow by standing or sitting close, so you're touching. Take note of her reaction. Is it positive, negative, or neutral? After a while, walk somewhere and put your hand on the small or her back, or around her waist. If she reacts negatively to anything, just pull back. No woman is going to end a friendship because a friend put his arm around her.

If her reactions stay positive, just keep escalating. The sky's the limit.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

That's a tough one because if she's really just being friendly and you make a move, she most likely will end the friendship. What are both of our ages and relationship history?

BTW, I hope if you are on OLD you don't use the same user name.


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## LonelyGuy69 (May 1, 2015)

Hi, firstly I had an opportunity to touch her hand but froze, for fear of rejection, so I'm kind of building up to it. But I will use the time when we go out to see how she is. 
I am 40 she is 45, has two kids 16 and 11, one of each. We have both been married, for a long time, which is why I'm so out of practice with the whole flirting thing. I've been hurt in relationships before so my fear of rejection is quite high. I'm not sure what OLD is? But if she did see it, maybe it would make things easier lol. Thank you both for your input, I'd be glad of anymore, like a subtle way of letting her no I like her. Thanks


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It does sound to me like she was letting you know what she wants to spend time with you ... not as just a friend.

But take it a bit slowly as you are thinking of doing.


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## LonelyGuy69 (May 1, 2015)

Thanks for the replies guys, I did respond but it's not showing, so I'll try again.
Bronze, yes I'm inexperienced at this lol even for my age, so slow and basic is always best for me. I understand what your saying and will try, but I'd be interested to hear why you think she may be flirting from what I've said? I often wonder if it's in my head. 

Faithful wife, yes it is tough which is why I need to be sure, I am 40 and she is a few years older, both divorced, with kids hers are 11 and 16 mine slightly younger. I'm not sure what OLD is sorry, 

Elegirl, again what gives the impression that she might want more? I'd be interested to know, and is there anything else to look for? Thanks Guys


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

She is asking you to move forward with your relationship. She asked you to drop in more frequently when you are in the area. She is showing interest in going someplace with you. If you want to get closer to her, then follow these hints and advance the relationship. Fear will get you nowhere.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

LG69 if you are waiting for a written invatation she's going to lose interest

55


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## BronzeTorpedo (Dec 17, 2014)

LonelyGuy69 said:


> Bronze, yes I'm inexperienced at this lol even for my age, so slow and basic is always best for me. I understand what your saying and will try, but I'd be interested to hear why you think she may be flirting from what I've said? I often wonder if it's in my head.


It's not in your head. She twirled her hair (indicator of interest). She leaned in close (IOI). She turned a simple question of directions into a suggestion for a day trip for the two of you (huge IOI). One of those in isolation could be unintentional. All of them together mean you should go for it.

It's easier said than done, but try to stop being so risk averse. All she can do, after you can suggest the trip, is accept or refuse. She'll probably accept, since she was the one to bring it up.

In the worst case scenario, you could make the friendship awkward, or end it completely. So what? Get another female friend. Half of all the people out there are female. It shouldn't be a problem.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

LonelyGuy69 said:


> Wasn't sure if I'm allowed to post in here, sorry if not, but looking for some ladies advice on this.
> Briefly, I've known this lady for over a year now, over that time we've got to know each other, and talked a lot more, so I saw her as a friend, although one you just chat too rather than actually go out with etc. recently she asked me to hers for a coffee, and we talked for while, now not having been this close to a woman one on one for a while was nice, but after I left, I got thinking, she did on occasion twist her haver hair, and point her foot while she crossed her leg, ( I heard these were signs of flirting ) but left it, she's also said that I could pop in anytime for a coffee, as she said she saw me passing but I never knocked. She deals in antiques and when I was there last she mentioned a place she'd like to go, and I asked where it was, her face kinda lit up and she said shall we go? I'm not sure if it's the thought of going, or going with me that made her smile? She showed me some books of stuff she collects, and we got quite close as we leant into them, and our hands got very close, I thought for a second about 'accidentally ' touching hers but didn't. I guess what I'm asking is how do I find out if she might like me, without asking her outright, and risk losing her friendship, altogether. Which I'd hate, as I get upset if I don't see her, and smile when I see her coming. Any advice would be great. Thanks


It sounds to me that the only way she could be any clearer is to send you an engraved invitation. I'd go for it.


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