# husband and friends



## sarah1003 (Jan 11, 2012)

just want your thoughts.
My husband spends more time with his buddies than with me. Is this normal? Is asking him to spend more quality time with me unreasonable?


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

sarah1003 said:


> unreasonable?


It is very much reasonable.

What you don't write is how YOU are treating him. Does he feel wanted? Desired? Or do you just harass him all day why he is not spending time with you - something, that as men can be a major turn off.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Its not normal for me. I actively avoid that kind of stuff. We are attached at the hip and I feel completely unfullfilled when she is gone. Then again I'm a little wierd as guys go. Even in high school when all the guys would hang out together in one area and the girls in another; you could always find me hanging out with the girls. I have no idea why. I just always got along with the girls better than the guys. Go figure.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

sarah1003 said:


> just want your thoughts.
> My husband spends more time with his buddies than with me. Is this normal? Is asking him to spend more quality time with me unreasonable?


I spend far more time with my wife than with my friends.

Every family needs to find their own way though, and I don't think it's too much to ask that he spends a good bit of time every day (when it's feasible... obviously sometimes life happens) with you and around you.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

it would be fine if he were 15 years old and unmarried

but he's not!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

sarah1003 said:


> just want your thoughts.
> My husband spends more time with his buddies than with me. Is this normal? Is asking him to spend more quality time with me unreasonable?


I find it unreasonable. I have no idea whether it is typical, normal or whatever. The real question is whether or not you spend enough quality time together period.

Also what do they do that requires so much time?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i dont like people to begin with so i spend no time with 'friends'
i would much rather spend my time with my SO, and since i dont have one at the moment, rosey get all my attention.

if he is not getting harassed at home and you can make spending time with you enjoyable, that is where a married person should be most of their off work time.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

There needs to be some balance - but based on what little info youve given - more time at home sounds like a reasonable request.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Not normal here. Hubby spends all his free time at home with me. 

Every night we sit together holding hands talking or watching tv together.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i dont like people to begin with so i spend no time with 'friends'
> i would much rather spend my time with my SO, and since i dont have one at the moment, rosey get all my attention.


I love this 2nd_t!mes :rofl: ... this would be my husbands attitude if something happened to me... he has told me this, he often jokes how he doesn't like people. Our guy friend jokes with him - how they need to start an "I hate people" club. 

Though he is the nicest guy you'd ever meet & well loved. 

Well you know you have a ton of cyber friends here 2nd _t!mes!


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

sarah1003 said:


> just want your thoughts.
> My husband spends more time with his buddies than with me. Is this normal? Is asking him to spend more quality time with me unreasonable?


The fact that you made this thread means it's not normal at all. 
You should be his priority, not them.

But the definition of 'spending too much time' is really relative and subjective.

Please, be more specific when you say 'spend much time with'.
Does it mean _everyday-several hours a day_ or _1 hour each day_?
What about the rest of the time when he's not with them?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Stonewall said:


> Its not normal for me. I actively avoid that kind of stuff. We are attached at the hip and I feel completely unfullfilled when she is gone. Then again I'm a little wierd as guys go. Even in high school when all the guys would hang out together in one area and the girls in another; you could always find me hanging out with the girls. I have no idea why. I just always got along with the girls better than the guys. Go figure.


I know why.... NICE GUY NICE GUY NICE GUY written all over you....might as well stamp it on your forehead! I mean in the genuine loving sense  .. not the hiding/faking NMMNG persona. Ha ha 

My husband is too. The guys at his work joke with him about me... how I wear the pants & he has to get permission if he wants to go out...they'll call me directly and ask if he can go to the Bar...which is always a JOKE....he tells me they enjoy razzing me...and him obviously. 

My husband told me once ....if he had a cave, he would want me in it. Loved that.

Sarah1003.... I really think some men get so used to a lifestyle that they have entertained before they marry...... they enjoy it...they might not want to give it up after the vows even, it has become a part of their existence --which can really hurt a marriage...if it is excessive. 

Men can be all over the map in this..... as you can see in thise replies....these things can generally be seen while dating... was he like this then also??? ....had to have his "so many hours of buddy time" every week or he would get antsy, you could feel him wanting to run off, almost like withdrawl somehow? 

My neighbors marriage is one I would call healthy.... both of them enjoy "doing their own thing" separately - many nights a week he has his guys friends over, they hang in the garage, basement, laughing it up, watching sports, car talk.....while she is hanging with her 2 kids..many times she'll be shopping with her Mom or sister. It doesn't bother her at all....they DIG some separateness (though I get the feeling he gets on her nerves sometimes ha ha)... but they are a good match for each other. Obviously not a "TIME" at the top of their love languages for each other. But her husband is not out every night away from the home either.... Which I think is healthy.

I feel you need to talk to him about how you are feeling.... come more to the center in this...for the betterment of your marriage to limit his time out & about with friends.

Are you aware of the Love languages -- what do you feel yours are .... and his? 
The 5 Love Languages Assesment Test 

If you both can learn what each other is... and strive to please the other, this will help you both feel more loved.


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