# my stroy



## sparkle4 (Jun 12, 2010)

I was posting on this board back in July and a lot has happened in that time.

I met my husband 17 yrs ago, I was going through a divorce and had two children from my first marriage. They fell in love with my husband as fast as I did. We had our first child a year later. We had a pretty rocky relationship in the beginning breaking up and getting back together. His mother used to call it passionate. We love and fought passionately. We married when our son was 4. We have been married and stable for 11 yrs now. We had our second child a year after getting married. 

My husband has been going through a rough time the past few years. He works a job he can't stand and has not had a raise in 10 yrs. He went to school and got his teaching cert only to not find a job. The bills were piling up. I did my best to help. I worked also. But he was drowning. I knew he was not happy with his life. I just never thought it was with me. He always told me I was the best thing that happened to him and that he did not know what he would do without me. He loved me with all his heart. Till sometime last march. He started staying out late 3 or 4 times a week. I am not the kind of wife to sit back and wait and see. I followed him on several occasions. He is part of a AA group that meets at 11:30 pm and ends at 1:00 am. He was not coming home till 5 am. The times I followed him I found him playing hacky sack in the parking lot of the club with a few people, one women in particular, I had a feeling was a problem. They are all young single and have no responsibilities. My husband is almost 40. Well he decided after a small argument that he was moving out. He wants' to be free, I hold him back from enjoying life he said. So he moved out and got his own place. Abandoning me and my kids. Not helping with the bills or anything, just up and left. A month later he threatened to kill himself. I found out at that time from his mother that he is bipolar. I let him use that as an excuse. That was in July. We had no communication, he refused to talk to me, said he hated me, cause I called the police when he said he was going to kill himself.
In late august he came back crying said he knew he made a mistake. He went on a few dates with the girl he was hanging out late at night with but nothing happened. He wanted to see a marriage counselor. We never did. After that it was one excuse after the other of why he could not go. We dragged it on this whole time. He said he was not sure what he wanted and I waited. One day we would make love and be fine for a few days then he would be off and not talk to me again for a week. back and forth, up and down this went for months. Till yesterday, he called and said he did not want to work on it anymore. Mind you he has said that like 6 or 7 times now but he always calls back. Difference is now I am not answering. I am done.

Our home is in forcloser, credit cards not been paid in 6 months threating legal action, 2 car payments behind. Man am I a sucker.

God I love this man, I took my vows serious. I feel like a failure, I am scared to death to move on. I am devastated. I am here looking for support through this from people who know what I am going through. So many people don't understand. They think I should be over it and don't understand why I feel the way I do. I am hoping others here might.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I don't think you should be "over it" and no one else on this site will. The marriage hasn't even really ended yet. You've been on this emotional roller coaster ride that has taken you to great heights and great depths. If it's really over now, you will only just begin the grieving period. It's going to take a lot of time. You have to go through it or else it will crop back up later on down the road. You will go through crying spells, depression, anxiety, guilt, the whole thing. Anyone who doesn't understand has obviously just not been through it. Try to surround yourself with people who have. As far as feeling like a failure - don't. You may feel more like that because this is your second marriage, but so what? You shouldn't have to live your life in this semi-abusive limbo because you took a vow. You honored your committment - he did not. You can't control another person, so if he wants out, let him go. Let him out so you can start to heal. Your healing will never take place as long as he's allowed to drift back in and out of your life. Decide how you want to handle it, do what needs to be done and start your healing.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i am so sorry you are going through this...i know it seems scarry and you thought it would turn out differently..but sometimes life has other things, better things for us.

you cannot feel like a failure..he lied to you, and led you into marriage under false pretences. 
there is no marriage to stay in.

you are a stronger woman than you give your self credit for. a house is a poss., things come and go in life. kids need you to be strong today. live a life free of this dark cloud you live under.

walk away from the house, find an apt wwithin your budget. breathe....let him go, he let you go already. 

it will get better, it will be better, you will live again, you will be happy..............now make it true.


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