# Question for you ladies



## Norm09 (Mar 30, 2008)

A bit bout me: I feel I'm confident, yet have low self esteem :scratchhead:

Wife cheated when we were dating w/taller, blonde, blue/green eyes, thin guy. 

While engaged, I believe strongly she had an emotional affair w/another taller, blonde blue eyed, thinner guy. 

Life goes on, yada...yada...yada, after 14 yrs of marriage I think I see the light. I'm 6', low fat mass, musclular, brwn eyes/hair, and dark(always tan, farmer).

A week where she only sees me, no sex. When we are around other guys("her type") she is in the mood. 

Do I confront her about this "her type" make'n her "in the mood" or am I just an idiot think'n she wants/dreams of someone else?

It has happened many times, I kinda noticed a trend, but it may just be my low self esteem. 

Is this common w/women?

Thanks.


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## mollyL (Dec 31, 2007)

I can only speak for myself, but regarding your post: Did she really have affairs with all these guys or do you just think so? The answers I think have to be different depending on your answer.
If no is the answer: So your wife has a "type". We all have personal preferences. Your wife wants to make love? Isn't that what you want in the first place? Make love and best wishes to you.
If yes is the answer: Can you guys get over this, or is your hurt too deep? You think she even fantasizes about her "type", even when making love to you? Your hurt is extremely deep; if she can't help you mend things, maybe this isn't where you should be.


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## Kenya26 (Mar 31, 2008)

I wouldn't say common with women, more so common with people in general. You have been married for quite some time and longevity comes from keeping things fresh. It could be that when she sees someone that fits her "type" or arouses her fantasies, it puts her in the mood to make love. It probably isn't the greatest feeling in the world to feel that your spouse is envisioning someone else when making love to you, however; one thing that you do have going is that she is making love to you and not them. Fantasies are safe! As long as she does not act on those impulses I really dont feel a need for you to fret. If it really bothers you communication is the best policy. Speak to her about it and tell her what is on your heart.


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## BrokenFrag (Mar 25, 2008)

But fantasies, if they go unchecked can impact reality. Fantasies have no bad parts, but reality does. My wife fantasized about what life would be like if she weren't with me. Well, she fantasized about it enought, without ever talking to me about it, and she ended up having an emotional affair with a coworker. Our marriage will probably end because of it. No, she didn't have sex with, yes she had sex with me, but that became a problem for her in the end. She is in love with him, but she loves me. Now she is debating about whether or not she should find out if "in love" with him is more important (or appealing) to her than "loving" me. I never had a chance.

If your wife is doing something that troubles you, you MUST talk about it. It could be nothing, or it could be a warning sign. Either way, if you don't talk openly and honestly about everything, it will be very hard to have a happy healthy LONG-TERM relationship.

Sorry, I am not a lady, but I got burned by one, so inevitably, I have an opinion.


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