# I Feel Guilty



## perskinny (May 23, 2015)

I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 7. We have two beautiful children together and I have one from a previous relationship. I love my husband, with my everything, but I have made the tough decision to leave him. I'm moving in with my mom and I haven't told him yet, though my move date is in less than 5 days. I feel so guilty with him not knowing and it's hard to walk around this weekend like normal. There are a lot of reasons why I am at this point. I have been so broken and miserable for so long. My husband generally doesn't help pay bills, and when I ask for help, there's been times he'll throw money at me, most always give me less than I need, or make me feel guilty for asking. I'm in debt to so many family members who stopped helping me because they didn't want to help him. He almost died last year because of alcohol abuse. He was in ICU for a week, doctors warned him not to drink. He started drinking again less than two weeks after being released. I spent countless nights nursing him back to health, waking up n the middle of the night to take him to the bathroom, giving him medicine. Treated him like a baby. I cried and begged him to stop drinking, he would not. He lies to me about everything, especially money. He doesn't help with our kids. My daughter's school is up the street from our house but I've had to leave work to pick her up from school only to bring her home. I have been used for years, and yet, I still love him so much. I feel an emptiness because I don't feel like he loves me the same. I know there is a bright side at the end of this journey but I am spending more time worried about how he will take care of himself when I leave. He's used to me doing ABSOLUTELY everything for him. I know I'm enabling him and that's what I keep telling myself. But I can't shake this knot in my stomach, the urge to cry for hours on end, or the temptation to just cancel my move and continue to be in my broken marriage. I can't tell you the last time my husband kissed me... Any advice would be great. I've been searching online all day for just something that will give me clarity. I know I have to go through the process and that it will hurt. I guess I just want to know I'm doing the right thing and advice from others who may know what I feel.....


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sorry and yes, your move sounds very reasonable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Yes. Maybe when you're gone he'll get himself to rehab. If not you don't have to wreck your kids lives further by subjecting them to this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

perskinny said:


> I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 7. We have two beautiful children together and I have one from a previous relationship. I love my husband, with my everything, but I have made the tough decision to leave him. I'm moving in with my mom and I haven't told him yet, though my move date is in less than 5 days. I feel so guilty with him not knowing and it's hard to walk around this weekend like normal. There are a lot of reasons why I am at this point. I have been so broken and miserable for so long. My husband generally doesn't help pay bills, and when I ask for help, there's been times he'll throw money at me, most always give me less than I need, or make me feel guilty for asking. I'm in debt to so many family members who stopped helping me because they didn't want to help him. He almost died last year because of alcohol abuse. He was in ICU for a week, doctors warned him not to drink. He started drinking again less than two weeks after being released. I spent countless nights nursing him back to health, waking up n the middle of the night to take him to the bathroom, giving him medicine. Treated him like a baby. I cried and begged him to stop drinking, he would not. He lies to me about everything, especially money. He doesn't help with our kids. My daughter's school is up the street from our house but I've had to leave work to pick her up from school only to bring her home. I have been used for years, and yet, I still love him so much. I feel an emptiness because I don't feel like he loves me the same. I know there is a bright side at the end of this journey but I am spending more time worried about how he will take care of himself when I leave. He's used to me doing ABSOLUTELY everything for him. I know I'm enabling him and that's what I keep telling myself. But I can't shake this knot in my stomach, the urge to cry for hours on end, or the temptation to just cancel my move and continue to be in my broken marriage. I can't tell you the last time my husband kissed me... Any advice would be great. I've been searching online all day for just something that will give me clarity. I know I have to go through the process and that it will hurt. I guess I just want to know I'm doing the right thing and advice from others who may know what I feel.....


You have survivors guilt. He is lost to this disease and you are not. Save yourself and your children. Put some space between you and him and I think that will help. The day you move out is the day your life starts to get better. Be strong for your kids and their future.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

You feelings are quite normal. They aren't rational, but they are normal. 

There is no fix for your emotions except for time and steady processing through it. You are doing the right thing, for both you and your daughter. And in all honesty, this might be the thing that turns his life around. If he is ever going to have a chance at recovery, he's going to have to hit rock bottom. You've been keeping him from hitting that. 

I really recommend that you look into alanon and get both you and your daughter into counseling.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, you are doing the right thing for you and your children. Your husband needs to take responsibility for his life and he won't do that as long as you enable him.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You must save yourself and the children. Your husband's first love is alcohol not your or the children. Remove them from this toxic environment otherwise they will end up being victims of alcohol abuse (emotional, mental). You need to attend Al-Anon to get yourself and your family on track.


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