# I need help I don’t wanna lose my wife



## Bryanfcb9 (10 mo ago)

Alright about a week ago I went to a party with my wife everything was ok until I get super drunk them she say she saw me hugging another girl She say I was looking at her like I was about to kiss her and then I get violent but she say I offended her also and I understand she feel that way I fu…up I admit it, when I drink I have anger problems and my wife was kind of tired of that but this that she saw about this girl was the last drop to spill the cup.that night when we arrive home we fought even I was drunk then she decide to sleep in another room, the next they she was packing her stuff for her about to leave but i cry her to forgive me she was super hurt I told her like another man probably will do saying that I’m not gonna do it anymore I’m sorry, but in my case i convince her not to leave and also i meant to change this time that’s why I’m searching for help like I’m writing this story I have to change my life not only for her but for me too, when I’m drink I hurt my family getting violent and I to stop this. I was suppose to travel with my wife and family to Texas but my wife decide not to come, now I’m here writing this post in Texas without my wife we spoke tonight she say she feel devastated that I got to give her time and space to see if she forgive me or not we Are suppo to move to another house on June but she say she is gonna decide in June that she is gonna stay with me or not but I’m pretty scare She decide not to come that means the divorce and I don’t want that I also gonna search help to a psychology’s for my anger issues maybe some people might criticize me for the way I act and I understand but please I need some advice I never done this before I need help I don’t wanna lose the love of my life I’ll make any change just for her.


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

Sounds like you need to calm down and make a plan: step 1) join AA or something similar to quit the alcohol, step 2) seek counselor that specializes in anger management, step 3) apologize to your wife again sincerely but without all the whining & crying.


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## Bryanfcb9 (10 mo ago)

Lotsofheart73 said:


> Sounds like you need to calm down and make a plan: step 1) join AA or something similar to quit the alcohol, step 2) seek counselor that specializes in anger management, step 3) apologize to your wife again sincerely but without all the whining & crying.


Thanks but I quit drinking I’m not alcoholic is just happen when I drink but I haven’t drink for a week and a half but believe me I’m looking for help everywhere I just feel desperate if I lose her I don’t know what I’m gonna do.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If you act like an idiot when you drink, and get violent, why did you carry on drinking? 
It's understandable her wanting out to be honest.


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## Bryanfcb9 (10 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> If you act like an idiot when you drink, and get violent, why did you carry on drinking?
> It's understandable her wanting out to be honest.


I understand what your saying not always get violent but sometimes I is hard to control it


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bryanfcb9 said:


> I understand what your saying not always get violent but sometimes I is hard to control it


Then why didn't you stop drinking ages ago if it makes you violent?


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

People who can't handle alcohol should abstain from it all together. It certainly sounds like you belong to this group OP. If you don't give it up entirely, it will cause you many problems throughout your life.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Bryanfcb9 said:


> I admit it, when I drink I have anger problems and my wife was kind of tired of that


Dude, there are two types of men:
1) those that can handle their alcohol, and become MORE FUN when they drink
2) those that can NOT handle their alcohol, and become jerks when they drink

you sound like you are in that 2nd camp.
if you want to keep your wife, you already know what the answer is. You can not drink alcohol anymore. Not even a single drink. Otherwise she will leave you.
try smoking pot, i do not know anyone who gets more beligerent when they are stoned.
Smoke some pot, have her drive the two of you to the party, and drink coke the rest of the night (and raid the kitchen for munchies) and you will have a LONG AND FINE MARRIAGE.

it is unlikely you will do that. but that is really what you need to do


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Punctuation is your friend... You will get a lot more help if people can read what you wrote.



Bryanfcb9 said:


> Alright about a week ago I went to a party with my wife everything was ok until I get super drunk them she say she saw me hugging another girl She say I was looking at her like I was about to kiss her and then I get violent but she say I offended her also and I understand she feel that way I fu…up I admit it, when I drink I have anger problems and my wife was kind of tired of that but this that she saw about this girl was the last drop to spill the cup.that night when we arrive home we fought even I was drunk then she decide to sleep in another room, the next they she was packing her stuff for her about to leave but i cry her to forgive me she was super hurt I told her like another man probably will do saying that I’m not gonna do it anymore I’m sorry, but in my case i convince her not to leave and also i meant to change this time that’s why I’m searching for help like I’m writing this story I have to change my life not only for her but for me too, when I’m drink I hurt my family getting violent and I to stop this. I was suppose to travel with my wife and family to Texas but my wife decide not to come, now I’m here writing this post in Texas without my wife we spoke tonight she say she feel devastated that I got to give her time and space to see if she forgive me or not we Are suppo to move to another house on June but she say she is gonna decide in June that she is gonna stay with me or not but I’m pretty scare She decide not to come that means the divorce and I don’t want that I also gonna search help to a psychology’s for my anger issues maybe some people might criticize me for the way I act and I understand but please I need some advice I never done this before I need help I don’t wanna lose the love of my life I’ll make any change just for her.


Who did you get violent with? 

Your wife has told you that you have until June to get your **** together. So, get your **** together. 

You say you're not an alcoholic but I'm not sure I agree. I'm surrounded by "I'm not an alcoholic" alcoholics. If you get drunk knowing you will become violent, and knowing your wife hates it, then why do you do it? I think you would be wise to start seeing a therapist or counselor. If you're not an alcoholic, great, but you still need help permanently stopping. You need to prove to your wife - with actions, not words - that you are working on changing. Dismissing the severity of how she feels will NOT help you. 

The therapist or counselor will also be able to help with your anger issues. Again, show your wife (through your actions) that you are actively working on changing. Own it, no minimizing.

At the end of the day, it's her decision and sometimes change happens too late. All you can do it better yourself and correct the issues that she needs corrected. If you really want to save your marriage, you have to try.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

People only have so much tolerance before it overloads them, your wife is at that point.

Claiming you don't have a drinking problem is absolute denile. It doesn't mean squat that you can go a week without drinking, what matters is alcohol changes your behavior to the negative and once you start drinking you can't control it. 

Leave your wife alone right now, let her process her thoughts, if she wants to divorce you accept it, she has no more tolerance to deal with you. 

What you need to do today is get help for yourself, get yourself healthy in mind and body. That is the only way you will ever have any healthy relationships.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Drug/alcohol abuse (alcohol is a drug) is a perfectly valid and sometimes necessary reason to leave someone and end a relationship. 

You chose to drink even though you know you do stupid things and cause problems. 

She is in the right here and you were in the wrong.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I see a lot of contradictions in what you say. You're not an alcoholic and yet you absolve yourself of all responsibility for what you do when drunk. It is YOUR CHOICE to drink, but I don't really believe that to be the case because if you noticed that pattern before, you would have stopped on your own. The fact that you couldn't tells me you are an alcoholic. You know that when you are drinking you become abusive. It honestly reads a lot like you are an alcoholic who is abusive. You first step would be to go to AA meetings and seek counseling. Make that your first step. Possibly if you get yourself together your wife is considering maybe taking you back. So if you actually value your marriage, which I don't see much evidence of from your description of your behavior, then do something about it. Seek help and get your s*&^ together. Maybe she'll give you another chance, but if not at least you won't be drinking anymore.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Or don't


Talker67 said:


> Dude, there are two types of men:
> 1) those that can handle their alcohol, and become MORE FUN when they drink
> 2) those that can NOT handle their alcohol, and become jerks when they drink
> 
> ...


Or don't do either?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your wife has probably been telling you for years and years and years to get your act together. Hopefully she finds a better man. Too little too late honcho ……you should have listened much earlier.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

No advice can be given. Do you need to be advised to stop drinking because you’re violent and chase women when you drink?
You’re 100% an alcoholic.
Your wife has finally had enough.

If she chooses not to endure any more pain with you, nobody can change her mind but her.

Are you wanting advice on how to get yiur wife back when you admittedly get violent with her
Who could do that in good conscience?

My advice is to stop drinking and once you’ve gone 2 years without a sip abd don’t want to drink anymore, give your wife a call and see if she’s interested. If not, try another woman.

There’s no easy or quick solution for a huge problem that you’ve spent years creating, and can’t even yet admit that you’re an alcoholic.
Until you admit it and quit drinking, your marriage is over. And it should be.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

bobert said:


> Punctuation is your friend... You will get a lot more help if people can read what you wrote.
> 
> 
> Who did you get violent with?
> ...


You are an alcoholic. You need to admit that to yourself and get treatment. You can write all the ******** you want to I’m here but I see through it because I am a child of an alcoholic. Get into AA now! Quit looking for excuses.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Cooper said:


> Claiming you don't have a drinking problem is absolute denile. It doesn't mean squat that you can go a week without drinking, what matters is alcohol changes your behavior to the negative and once you start drinking you can't control it.


to repeat the idea i was saying, i do NOT think you are alcoholic like you have to have a drink first thing in the morning, and a few more for lunch, and a few more in the afternoon.

i bet you can do fine all week long, until friday night hits.

It is more that when you DO start drinking, 1 or 2 drinks in you have a bad personality shift, and then its looking for fights and acting like a jerk the rest of the night. And in that state, you will not listen to reason.

so, no more drinks. ever. go cold turkey...it should be EASY for you in that you are not a standard alcoholic!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Your wife needs to leave and never return. You crossed the line when you became violent, and once that line is crossed, there's no going back. You absolutely will do it again, and next time you might kill her.

Sorry, but nope, she needs out and you need help.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Maybe you should quit drinking and try something else like weed.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Bryanfcb9 said:


> I understand what your saying not always get violent but sometimes I is hard to control it


Some people have sudden rage. Yours may stop with sobriety or it may not. Agree you need to join AA and also get into anger management classes. Anger management will teach you WHY you can't control yourself and make you understand that anger is a manifestation of fear, among other things. You are going to have to make a big life change to salvage anything and if she is smart she'll stay away for at least a year while you work on your sobriety AND your anger.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Bryanfcb9 said:


> Thanks but I quit drinking I’m not alcoholic is just happen when I drink but I haven’t drink for a week and a half but believe me I’m looking for help everywhere I just feel desperate if I lose her I don’t know what I’m gonna do.


Look if you get to the point where you are about to lose your family, you damn sure ARE an alcoholic. You knew that your drinking was putting your whole life at risk, your families life at risk and you did it anyway. That is the definition of an alcoholic. Not all alcoholics are falling down drunk in the street. The problem is when they choose the drug over themselves and the people they love. YES, YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC.

You want to keep your family, put your pride aside and go get help.

After you go, tell your wife you went and why, then maybe, maybe you will have a chance.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Bryanfcb9 said:


> Alright about a week ago I went to a party with my wife everything was ok until I get super drunk them she say she saw me hugging another girl She say I was looking at her like I was about to kiss her and then I get violent but she say I offended her also and I understand she feel that way I fu…up I admit it, when I drink I have anger problems and my wife was kind of tired of that but this that she saw about this girl was the last drop to spill the cup.that night when we arrive home we fought even I was drunk then she decide to sleep in another room, the next they she was packing her stuff for her about to leave but i cry her to forgive me she was super hurt I told her like another man probably will do saying that I’m not gonna do it anymore I’m sorry, but in my case i convince her not to leave and also i meant to change this time that’s why I’m searching for help like I’m writing this story I have to change my life not only for her but for me too, when I’m drink I hurt my family getting violent and I to stop this. I was suppose to travel with my wife and family to Texas but my wife decide not to come, now I’m here writing this post in Texas without my wife we spoke tonight she say she feel devastated that I got to give her time and space to see if she forgive me or not we Are suppo to move to another house on June but she say she is gonna decide in June that she is gonna stay with me or not but I’m pretty scare She decide not to come that means the divorce and I don’t want that I also gonna search help to a psychology’s for my anger issues maybe some people might criticize me for the way I act and I understand but please I need some advice I never done this before I need help I don’t wanna lose the love of my life I’ll make any change just for her.


You need to show your wife you are changing by taking steps to change. Pretty much every alcoholic said they were not an alcoholic before the hit bottom and decided to change. Go to some meetings AA or other, listen, learn, there will probably be some people there who can relate to your problems. Your wife is checking out emotionally as we speak I'm sure. To stop that she needs to see you taking this seriously by you actively visibly taking the steps to change.


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## DreamGuyxo (10 mo ago)

You came to the right place, it takes a real man to come here and express his thoughts and concerns to everyone, that proves that you already have what it takes to make your wife happy

From what I look at, it seems you and your wife really don't like the after effects of drinking alcohol especially during the times you are together. With this you and your wife should work on having happier times drinking alcohol and have more control so you don't mess up anymore. 

Having lots of discussions in here about what to do will get you to feel better,

Hope this helps my friend


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Bryanfcb9 said:


> Thanks but I quit drinking I’m not alcoholic is just happen when I drink but I haven’t drink for a week and a half but believe me I’m looking for help everywhere I just feel desperate if I lose her I don’t know what I’m gonna do.


Your words mean NOTHING to your wife. 

You want help? You say you're "desperate"? 

What are you willing to do with your actions to show your wife that you're committed to changing and letting her see that you could actually be a safe partner?

You say you're "not an alcoholic"? 
Who cares because you obviously can't control yourself when you drink.

Two things that you could actually do for yourself, your wife, and your relationship is to STOP drinking completely. Not just for a little while but for good. 

The second thing you could do is get into therapy and finally deal with your anger issues. And stick with it as it's going to take quite awhile to sort through it.

"If" (and I say IF) you truly love and value and cherish your wife you wouldn't have to think twice about doing these two things to start.

If not you're all talk and full of $hit!!

Life is all about choices. Right now your wife doesn't see you as a safe partner. Your actions (over a long period of time) can show her otherwise NOT your words.

Choose wisely...


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

You should go to AA meetings twice a week and get a sponsor. If tou get violent when you're drunk and hurt people, you are definitely an alcoholic.


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## Lapm (10 mo ago)

Bryanfcb9 said:


> Thanks but I quit drinking I’m not alcoholic is just happen when I drink but I haven’t drink for a week and a half but believe me I’m looking for help everywhere I just feel desperate if I lose her I don’t know what I’m gonna do.


Not an alcoholic? Are you sure about that. You stated twice you have issues when you drink. A week and a half is not a long time. You may want to attend an AA meeting or speak to a professional. You should also look into an anger management class. If she’s sees that you’re serious about improving yourself, the more likely she is to stay with you.


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