# In bad need of help



## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

Hey all. So here's the situation

There is a lot to tell here and I am going to be covering a bit of a back history as well from another relationship. I feel it's been pretty traumatic for me.

I'm 35 and have had 3 serious relationships in my life. The first we met just out of high school and were together for several years till she had to move away and we had to do a long distance relationship. For awhile we kept it together. Then she cheated on me with someone of another race. She got pregnant by him and before the baby was even born her and I were back together. I accepted her and the baby as my own. As time went by and we were making plans for me to move up there I found out she was sleeping with the other guy again.

My second serious relationship. We were together for a couple of years and she also cheated on me with someone of another race. After awhile we got back together. Went on for several years and we recovered and actually ended up married. We were married for 3 years when she tada! cheated on me with someone of another race. That ended in divorce obviously.

Time goes by and by this point I've all but decided I am done dating. My friend's get me to try an online dating site and after meeting a couple of people I finally met my current girlfriend. She is 2 years younger than I and has 2 kids by her ex husband. They adore me and I them. We are together for a couple of years and they weren't easy years by any means. We had a lot of ups and downs and near break ups and finally a long period of time goes by and we decide to move in together. We have been living together for about a year when I find out about all the guys she flirts with. I call her out on it of course and it gets ugly but we work it out. A little more time goes by and I find her car one day in a parking lot which struck me as odd because she was supposed to be at a friend's house. So I waited across the street in another parking lot. An hour or so passes and she is being dropped off by someone from another race. So I didn't say anything I just let it be and decided to gather more evidence about my suspicions. I hack her email. I find out she slept with this guy. I called her out on it. I left and didn't say a word. A few weeks go by and we start talking again and before I know it were living together again. Now that is roughly 4 months behind us and everything has been going good...or so I thought. During this time period I am keeping tabs of everything. I found conversations where she was talking about the guy and said she realized she was superimposing another ex boyfriend onto him. That where sex was concerned he failed in comparison to me but he still wanted more. Sex is huge with her by the way. The friend she was talking to said he and her made out once and she was not impressed either. They were by the end of it making a joke of him. Of course I keep everything saved in my gmail as drafts because I torture myself apparently. So in the past 2 months here is what has gone on. She has an ex boyfriend has a lot of feelings for and he will not commit. She went so far as to tell him that if he doesn't want to commit and if he doesn't mind she wants to look at (well we shall call him Phil). She goes back to talking to Phil and apparently she isn't feeling it and everything is still going good between us. Last week everything was great. My paycheck got messed up and they shorted me and straightening it out on this week's check. We have had to rely solely on her paycheck. She spent most of it on Amazon. By this past Friday (we get paid bi weekly) everything was still good other than we were broke with no food. Saturday she turned on me and later borrowed some money from her mom. That same day she started texting Phil saying she was thinking about him. Saturday night things were good. We ate..drank a little had sex. Sunday she wakes up in a bad mood and goes to her mom's and stays the night.

Her ex husband is in town trying to mend his relationship with the girls. Her mom convinces her that he is wanting her back as well. She was entertaining the idea till he talked about another woman all night Sunday night. Monday were back to Phil. Ever since she is telling Phil how badly she wants to be with him once I move out. I believe there are other reasons and it's not truly that she wants him but he's simply a rebound.

To make matters worse she keeps telling her friend's lies about me and our relationship. She will tell them how great I am but then follow it up with something I didn't do whatsoever. They want her to get with Phil because they all run in the same circle and they think he's better for her than I am. (Phil has 5 kids and cheated on a good portion of his relationships) The kids are another issue of her's. They stay with their mother part of the time but she feels 7 kids is too much. Now her own mother has jumped on the bandwagon saying she should be with Phil and trying to get her to invite him out.

Because I am completely nuts I am still very much in love with her and don't want it to end. Don't get me wrong I know it has too. Here comes another big issue. My car broke down on me. My friend's won't let me stay with them because I went back to her to begin with. My parents have a full house so won't let me stay there. I have no money for a hotel because I have to get my car fixed and no idea how much that is going to be. I called the local shelters around here to try to stay there and they said I have to check in by a certain time every day or I won't be able to stay. There check in time is while I'm at work.

So right now I'm stuck here with no place to go. A broke down car and all I can do is wait for her to cheat again. One one hand I know I have to go without question. On the other hand if I wait around long enough she will ditch Phil and get back in our relationship but I can't keep doing this. It is putting me in a very dark place and making me feel physically ill.

I know I mentioned "another race" pretty frequently in this and the reason being is that ever since my ex wife I haev had a big problem with only guys of this certain race and that in itself really bothers me as well because I've never been this way in my life ad the factor of even thinking of them two being together drives me insane.

Any advice?

I'm sorry this was so long and I really appreciate you taking the time to read it.

I had it posted elsewhere but I was told I should post my story here as well

There is a lot of history here. She has an ex boyfriend she never got over and this guy she has claimed to superimpose that boyfriend on. Most of her relationships last 3+ years

So right now I'm calling this guy Phil. 
boyfriend she never got over Warren
and ex boyfriend she asked permission from William

So here is kind of what I'm thinking
William is the fallback for Warren and Phil is the fallback for both William and Warren...if you follow

I know that if I drug things out and stuck around she would come back this way but I just can't do it and I'm stuck here. I know that sounds like an excuse but it really honestly is the truth of things from everything I have tried.

I have screenshots of everything I am so tempted to send them to this guy and all her friends just so they can finally see the truth of everything instead of the exaggerated story she has been telling about me.

She also has horrible mood swings that can happen at any given time. Horrible with money and irresponsible in about every sense. This is all speculatory but I wonder if she has a mood disorder but she won't get it checked out. I've asked her too already. A lot of down times seems to happen when we are stressed out financially. Once we get out of that for a bit she seems to come back around


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Dang you have one depressing story

Here is what i would do as step one

*I have screenshots of everything I am so tempted to send them to this guy and all her friends just so they can finally see the truth of everything instead of the exaggerated story she has been telling about me.*

EXPOSE TO EVERYONE . Even to the guy that fixes you´re coffee at the Starbuck´s if you have to..

Separate you´re finance´s.I´n other word´s stop paying for her..


*My parents have a full house so won't let me stay there.*

Is this really true?? If so,do the know you´re situation u are in??

In case the do..Well let´s just say personally i would not have
any parent´s left...

All i can say is that you need to get the F...K out .And that is ASAP.. Bay a sleeping bag ,tent ,stay at a camping.Something


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

Yap. I asked my mother to help me out by taking me work which is less than 20 minutes away and she wanted $150 every 2 weeks to do that. My dad's health is really bad but when I told my mother the situation her first reply was "wish there was something I could do" then it became we have a full house

Unfortunately it is. I wish it could have been something for some hope at the end of it but there isn't anything good that is going to happen here


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

Oh yah missed that part. I was trying to figure out what to do about finances. I dont have a problem with paying no more bills. My only concern there is she will spend all her money quickly. Then we run the risk of tghe kids suffering in the process of this mess.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

justblah said:


> Hey all. So here's the situation
> 
> There is a lot to tell here and I am going to be covering a bit of a back history as well from another relationship. I feel it's been pretty traumatic for me.
> 
> ...


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnd I stopped there.

Odd that all 3 of your women have betrayed you....

But my advice is simple- game, set and match. This relationship is toxic.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

justblah said:


> Oh yah missed that part. I was trying to figure out what to do about finances. I dont have a problem with paying no more bills. My only concern there is she will spend all her money quickly. *Then we run the risk of tghe kids suffering in the process of this mess.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They already do..There is a reasonwhy she manage´s to spend her money quick...You have a paycheck to take care of it..


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OP, I'm sorry to say it but what you posted looked an awful lot like a script you would read for a soap opera. Personally, I don't go in for soap operas so I would simply change the channel if you know what a mean. But if you insist on staying plugged into your soap opera, then I'd try to change the script from "Days of our Lives" into more of a show like "SOAP"...

IOW, I'm telling you to drop her like a bad habit. If she eventually "chooses" you, all you'll be doing is setting yourself up for being cheated on later IMHO. From what you say, she's your first choice but you are her fourth. It's not worth the risk. But if you can't pull away from this mess, then use the time to get your affairs in order and then shove off.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

After all that....I would sit back and re-evaluate what it is that attracts you to theses types of women!!!:scratchhead: Maybe you need to focus on yourself for awhile and then look for the total opposite of the type of girl you have been dating!!


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

All of that is very true. The funny thing is with the current one I did just that. I went with someone who's whole attitude was different and wound up here. I want to be a complete ass but its just not in me to treat her badly nor anyone else really
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

justblah said:


> Then she cheated on me with someone of another race.





justblah said:


> My second serious relationship. We were together for a couple of years and she also cheated on me with someone of another race.





justblah said:


> So I waited across the street in another parking lot. An hour or so passes and she is being dropped off by someone from another race.





justblah said:


> I know I mentioned "another race" pretty frequently in this and the reason being is that ever since my ex wife I haev had a big problem with only guys of this certain race


SOOOOO glad you picked up on this. 

Cause your entire thread reads like this: 
Girlfriend 1, cheats on me with another guy, RACE
Girlfriend 2, cheats on me with another guy, RACE
Girlfriend 3, cheats on me with another guy, RACE

Race race race race race

Race isn't the issue.

The issue is you continue to choose to date women who cheat on you and you keep going back to them, admittedly.

Your posts scream racist and it sounds like you are projecting your negative feelings into a RACE issue when the issue is your girlfriends and their choices to betray you and you continue walking right back into it after the fact. 

The ting you said about how you admit to having a problem with the certain race is very telling.... because you mention nothing about not having a problem wit your GIRLFRIENDS who decide to do the cheating. 


I admit, I couldn't really take this post very seriously after the first RACE was dropped. 



justblah said:


> Because I am completely nuts I am still very much in love with her and don't want it to
> 
> all I can do is wait for her to cheat again.


Cool. So keep waiting since you already know what's going to happen.

Keep doing the same thing, keep getting the same result.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

So you are a bit of a doormat and attracted to women who cheat (something about a cheater's personality draws you). I get this from you letting yourself be used by these women.

You need to work on your self esteem and stop making the same bad choices in women. I got burned real bad in my early 20s and after that any woman like acted remotely like that bad apple I stayed clear of. Once bitten, twice shy.

Anywho, you need to GTFO ASAP. Also talk to a therapist and see if you are doing something peculiar when in a relationship. The odds of all your relationships turning out the exact same way are pretty small. The only thing in common in all of this is you (not saying you made them cheat, they were probably cheater before you met them).


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> OP, I'm sorry to say it but what you posted looked an awful lot like a script you would read for a soap opera. Personally, I don't go in for soap operas so I would simply change the channel if you know what a mean. But if you insist on staying plugged into your soap opera, then I'd try to change the script from "Days of our Lives" into more of a show like "SOAP"...
> 
> IOW, I'm telling you to drop her like a bad habit. If she eventually "chooses" you, all you'll be doing is setting yourself up for being cheated on later IMHO. From what you say, she's your first choice but you are her fourth. It's not worth the risk. But if you can't pull away from this mess, then use the time to get your affairs in order and then shove off.


Thanks for you reply. I love her and it's not that I don't want to be with her I just can't be with her. It all hurts like hell. It hurts to be losing those that matter to me but hurts even worse knowing that I'm losing them to another. 

I can't figure out how it is I keep ending up with these women no matter how different they appear to be in the beginning,you know?

It's funny this morning she asked me to pay half the bills. I'm just thinking no I have bigger things to do.


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

ArmyofJuan said:


> So you are a bit of a doormat and attracted to women who cheat (something about a cheater's personality draws you). I get this from you letting yourself be used by these women.
> 
> You need to work on your self esteem and stop making the same bad choices in women. I got burned real bad in my early 20s and after that any woman like acted remotely like that bad apple I stayed clear of. Once bitten, twice shy.
> 
> Anywho, you need to GTFO ASAP. Also talk to a therapist and see if you are doing something peculiar when in a relationship. The odds of all your relationships turning out the exact same way are pretty small. The only thing in common in all of this is you (not saying you made them cheat, they were probably cheater before you met them).


You make some good points. Therapy is actually something I was thinking about today after I get all my affairs in order.

You may be right they all claimed to not have ever cheated but who really knows but them. I am willing to take blame. I have a really hard time knowing when it is time to stand and fight and when it is time to just walk away.


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> The ting you said about how you admit to having a problem with the certain race is very telling.... because you mention nothing about not having a problem wit your GIRLFRIENDS who decide to do the cheating.
> 
> 
> Cool. So keep waiting since you already know what's going to happen.


I don't think you really understood or because you didn't take me seriously one.

The issue is wondering how it all keeps circling back around. 

And it's not that I'm waiting it's a matter of there being literally no place I can turn


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

I finally snapped some last night.

She has some serious medical conditions and yesterday she wasn't feeling well. We got home from work and she said her chest was really bothering her. A couple of hours pass and she decides she is going to have some girl time. I know she actually did because the OM is gone for the next week to a renaissance war event. He is planning to bring her back to his house as soon as he gets back. 

So anyways a couple more hours pass (it's 9pm by this time) and she texts me that her chest is really hurting her. I said maybe she should head back and go up to the ER to have it checked out. So I wait and wait 2am I send her a text and ask her if she's ok. 3am I text and asked what's going on. 4am still no responses she pulls into the driveway and is mad because I sent her 2 texts asking if she's ok.

That infuriated me and I went off on her. I told her she can't send me texts like that and expect me not to worry and then just quit responding. That lead me into telling her that I know all about what she's doing. She didn't deny it. She just simply said Well we are in a transitional period. We are fixing to go from being together to being apart and all I'm doing is talking to another guy. 

Now I'm about ready to just find some woman to spend my days talking to and see how it makes her feel. I'm seriously thinking about just getting my car fixed and sleeping in it till I can get something going housewise.

As soon as I'm gone I'm sending out every little piece of information I know just to attempt to end this farce with the OM and expose her for all lies she has been telling.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

If your story is real, you need to ask yourself why you have such a lack of self-respect or self-worth. Why are you continuously in such a negative situation?


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

justblah said:


> Hey all. So here's the situation
> 
> There is a lot to tell here and I am going to be covering a bit of a back history as well from another relationship. I feel it's been pretty traumatic for me.
> 
> ...


You may not be a looser but you are actng like one WTF Make some changes man:scratchhead:


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

justblah said:


> I finally snapped some last night.
> 
> She has some serious medical conditions and yesterday she wasn't feeling well. We got home from work and she said her chest was really bothering her. A couple of hours pass and she decides she is going to have some girl time. I know she actually did because the OM is gone for the next week to a renaissance war event. He is planning to bring her back to his house as soon as he gets back.
> 
> ...


Stop playing the victim Go on the offensive Get to the bottom of why you ALWAYS end up in this situation. How is your passive agression working out for you :scratchhead: ?


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hello Just Blah.

Here's my _"Blah"_ to your post#1 Blah! Sorry if it hurts, but it's needs to hurt in order for YOU to WAKE the [email protected] UP!

*You’re stuck in a continuous loop of WHY ME, WHY ME, and WHY ME! See that, a continuous loop of your OWN MAKING! You have become a DOORMAT MAN and HUSBAND, and don’t YOU DARE BRING RACE into this, it has nothing to do with it. These are MEN and they are ALL PLAYERS regardless of what their skin colour is, they are in your relationship(s) and you have ALLOWED THIS to continue each time and did nothing but except it. *

Disconnect yourself from your current relationship FAST! and reconnect with friends and family. Join Meetup.com and meet some new people and learn to laugh again. Start a journal and write a sentence, paragraph each day and review it weekly. You'll see patterns and pictures form from your own words of where you are now and what you need to do. 

You keep entering relationships with women that have little or no morals to begin with. Well guess what, these types of women fall for men who have little or no morals themselves. Their way out, is to have a doormat man, a husband in their lives to justify their own lives. *“The best of both worlds”!*

Stop being a DOORMAT and stop blaming other men who are not the same colour as YOU! Start being a MAN again! You’ll attract women (A woman) with morals to match your own.

*The ONLY person that can break this continuous loop is YOU!!!!!! SO BREAK IT ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!!*


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

Thanks everyone for your replies. I wish I could say my story is made up. I honestly do not know how I keep ending up here. I did a couple of things today. I went around looking for an apartment,filled out a couple of apt applications,started working on my car myself to try to cut some of the cost. Anything I can do to try to ge out as quick as possible. After I am gone I want to get into htherapy. 

One thing I cant keep other men out of my relationships. I am not a racist this is new to me. I was trying to point out some of my own issues. 

Right now I need a huge step back from everything. I just dont know how to begin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You read the book I linked you, No More Mr Nice Guy. 

Now get this one, by brother member Athol.......

Married Man Sex Life 

You're behind the curve. Let go of the pity party and pull up your pants. You're still young enough to make a turn around and be someone who a woman can be attracted to and respect.


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hello Just Blah,



justblah said:


> Thanks everyone for your replies. I wish I could say my story is made up. I honestly do not know how I keep ending up here. I did a couple of things today.* I went around looking for an apartment,filled out a couple of apt applications*,started working on my car myself to try to cut some of the cost. Anything I can do to try to ge out as quick as possible. *After I am gone I want to get into therapy.*


*(1) Your disconnecting from her! Good start! Follow it through! :smthumbup: Treat TAM as your IC for now until you get your own IC.*



> One thing* I cant keep other men out of my relationships*. *I am not a racist this is new to me*. I was trying to point out some of my own issues.


*OH Yes YOU can! Read the books recommended by "anchorwatch" . You brought up the RACE word(s) in your post#1 so you gave the impression you are ONE! Read your Post#1 again, and tell me, I read it WRONG! The other tamers also picked this up.* *But, I won't judge YOU by that alone as you are going through a bigger pile of crap.*



> Right now I need a huge step back from everything. I just dont know how to begin.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Agreed! TAKE HUGE STEP BACK! Follow through on (1), and read the books recommended to you by anchorwatch! MAN-UP!*


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> I can't figure out how it is I keep ending up with these women no matter how different they appear to be in the beginning,you know?
> 
> The issue is wondering how it all keeps circling back around.
> 
> Right now I need a huge step back from everything. I just dont know how to begin.


BullShyt!!!

*You have been good advice on how to begin so stop trying to act like you do not know what to do*

You telling us all these things that other people have done to you, including your mother, is a distraction from the real solution. *The solution is for you to get help and you change you!*

What you say about other people maybe true but you are a victim playing doormat.

Stop with your pity stories and get help so that you can get better


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

Mr Blunt said:


> BullShyt!!!
> 
> *You have been good advice on how to begin so stop trying to act like you do not know what to do*
> 
> ...


Mr Blunt thank you for your response and I respect your opinion.

However if I knew the answers to these questions I would know how to fix them. Right now as stated above I am looking for apartments and fixing my car and then can get into therapy to find out what is going on exactly and why I am the way that I am. I'm not laying blame on others. I'm fully aware that there must be something wrong with me that it all keeps coming back in the same pattern.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Good for you JB. Just admiting it is try the big first step. Your doing exactly what you need to move foward....car repair, apartment, IC. It won't happen over night, but you can start this journey to turn things around for yourself. Good luck.


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## seasalt (Jul 5, 2012)

I think you should date or marry someone of that other race so that when she cheats on you you can eliminate one of the reasons why.

Just sayin',

Seasalt


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hello Sea Salt,

Wait for it....



seasalt said:


> I think you should date or marry someone of that other race so that when she cheats on you you can eliminate one of the reasons why.
> 
> Just sayin',
> 
> Seasalt


*1.* This has NOTHING to do with RACE! All the MEN regardless of COLOUR are MEN with D1CKS! All his partners to date have cheated on him, who cares what skin colour they are!

*2.* Your suggestion will ONLY leave him in his stupid continuous loop and he will forever blame everyone else other then himself. HE NEEDS TO MAN-UP. He needs to replace his nuts with some REAL BALLS! And find a WOMAN who has morals.

"Just sayin',"  


_(Too much....??? Hate me later.)_


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

Honestly just leave her.. She doesn't have any respect for you. She's texting her ex saying she wants to be with HIM?! And what, her ex hubby wants her back too? 

She's not worth the agro, she can't even commit properly, look where she spends all her money. Amazon. What about food for her kids? 

You sure she's not using you for security?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Are you paying for her medical treatment?

Stop it now! Tell her to get on OM's insurance.


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

It all crashed down tonight. I had enough. We got into an argument over something stu. I write and record
music on the side for fun. I had a new song ready to lay down. I asked to borrow her car to get there. She weny into a rampage about she doesnt care how much I do around there she is not letting me use her car. I told her she is not going to belittle me,go f**k herself and left. So now Im just walking the streets using my phone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

FlyingThePhoenix said:


> Hello Sea Salt,
> 
> Wait for it....
> 
> ...


It may be an issue for his wife if she keeps gravitating to men of race Does she go to the same different race ?

Just Sayin


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

First stop being a racist by saying "she went out with someone from another race" What makes you special?

If she is cheating it is cheating no matter race or sex.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

sirdano said:


> First stop being a racist by saying "she went out with someone from another race" What makes you special?
> 
> If she is cheating it is cheating no matter race or sex.


Agreed cheating is cheating.
However he hasn't named the race involved, so it may not be racist and in fact a clue as to her true drive and attractions (as also pointed out by JGI55). It is no more considered racist to be attracted to a specific race than it is to be attracted solely to your own race (although some would like us to believe that it is just as racist that way as well). 

In you opinion, does it make someone homophobic or gay bashing if they constantly note that their spouse is having an A (and returning to As) with someone of the same sex??


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hello Tamers,



just got it 55 said:


> It may be an issue for his wife if she keeps gravitating to men of race Does she go to the same different race ?
> 
> Just Sayin


*(1)* I don't care if she sleeps with [email protected]! I want Just Blah to MAN-UP and leave this woman that he loves, that belittles and disrespects him at every opportunity so she can continue her footloose and fancy free life. She can do all the above without Just Blah! Reality will hit her in the face when she realises the ONE true man in her life is GONE! All she'll have is those d1cks to play around with and who cares what colour they are. Good luck to her!

Just Sayin 



sirdano said:


> First stop being a racist by saying "she went out with someone from another race" What makes you special?
> 
> If she is cheating it is cheating no matter race or sex.


OMG! Are you in my head? How dare YOU!, get out! 



Squeakr said:


> *(2) *Agreed cheating is cheating.
> *However he hasn't named the race involved, so it may not be racist* and in fact a clue as to her true drive and attractions (as also pointed out by JGI55). It is no more considered racist to be attracted to a specific race than it is to be attracted solely to your own race (although some would like us to believe that it is just as racist that way as well).
> 
> *(FTP: He played the RACE card in Post#1 which he quickly corrected but that one admission is NOT the point here. Your point (2) should be everyone's attention NOW!)*
> ...


Same answer *(1)* above! A CHEATER IS A CHEATER!

and just sayin


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

justblah said:


> I don't think you really understood or because you didn't take me seriously one.


No. I understood your post quite well. I understood that you kept mentioning race in every single part of your story. Which is why I called you out on it. 



justblah said:


> The issue is wondering how it all keeps circling back around.


It keeps "circling back around" because you keep tolerating it. 

Change your plan.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Just because he is hurting, doesn't make him a racist. Even if he named a race specifically, doesn't mean he played the race card, in fact you and the other posters are playing the race card just as bad:

Playing the race card is an idiomatic phrase that refers to exploitation of either racist or anti-racist attitudes by accusing others of racism.

So my comment about the same sex reference is not off topic as it could be an indication of the w's proclivities, just as she may have a preference to a certain race now. If this is the case, the chances of the OP reconciling are not good as he would no longer be attractive to his spouse no matter what happens from here on out.


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hello Squeakr,

Ready....



> Just because he is hurting, doesn't make him a racist. Even if he named a race specifically, doesn't mean he played the race card, in fact you and the other posters are playing the race card just as bad:


The issue of RACE was PLAYED BY Just Blah in Post#1, he set the tone of HIS thread and those tamers that picked this up, pointed this out. Post#1 of any thread is the MOST important post because the thread's owner wants us all to see it. It gives a true 50% picture of his/her story, all proceeding posts are the other 50% to the present. 

Please do read it again! But for your benefit I will say it again! He corrected himself and we moved on from that one fault of his to his BIGGER PROBLEM! His past and present partners have ALL treated him like a DOORMAT! MAN and HUSBAND and he accepted this position. We ARE ALL trying to help him MOVE forward from this continuous loop of his own making to a position where he is in CONTROL and is no longer seen as that DOORMAT! MAN OR HUSBAND!



> Playing the race card is an idiomatic phrase that refers to exploitation of either racist or anti-racist attitudes by accusing others of racism.


Answered! Really... See above!



> So my comment about the same sex reference is not off topic as it could be an indication of the w's proclivities, just as she may have a preference to a certain race now. If this is the case, the chances of the OP reconciling are not good as he would no longer be attractive to his spouse no matter what happens from here on out.


If Just Blah confirms your comment as TRUE I will retract my words to you, until then I stand by them. Interesting point for another thread ! But here, again, Just Blah needs to find himself FIRST before allowing another woman into his life.


_(too much...??? )_


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

justblah said:


> It all crashed down tonight. I had enough. We got into an argument over something stu. I write and record music on the side for fun. I had a new song ready to lay down. I asked to borrow her car to get there. She weny into a rampage about she doesnt care how much I do around there she is not letting me use her car. I told her she is not going to belittle me,go f**k herself and left. So now Im just walking the streets using my phone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She belittled you so you stormed out of the house! Really! I would have stayed and demanded an explanation why I couldn't use her car. Maybe she has something to hide?

So what happened when you returned to the house?

You need to do the 180 and better yourself NOW! Other tamers can you please provide the link to the 180.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

FlyingThePhoenix said:


> Hello Squeakr,
> 
> The issue of RACE was PLAYED BY Just Blah in Post#1, he set the tone of HIS thread and those tamers that picked this up, pointed this out. Post#1 of any thread is the MOST important post because the thread's owner wants us all to see it. It gives a true 50% picture of his/her story, all proceeding posts are the other 50% to the present.
> 
> ...


Okay....Ready.....

I did read it, but as you said it has been edited to remove that, so what good does it do to keep sending people back to read something that is not there or no longer exists as it won't change their perspective on things????

Yes tone explains everything, but that tone can be set by hurt and pain just as much as it can be set by hatred. Just because something is said in a moment of hurt doesn't mean that it is a way someone thinks and believes in their normal state.

We at TAM, always take things for the worst. We call people cuckold, Mr. Nice Guy, Tramp, and so on based upon what they write when they are hurting most. I am just saying that by claiming someone is racist is also playing the race card whether it is meant to be that way or not. You could have just as easily said to drop the race references if they are not relevant, instead of accusing of being racist.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> Okay....Ready.....
> 
> I did read it, but as you said it has been edited to remove that, so what good does it do to keep sending people back to read something that is not there or no longer exists as it won't change their perspective on things????
> 
> ...


Hijack in Progress Lets get back to helping the OP


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

You love her, but you do not love yourself. You think that her love will boost you up. I doesn't work that way. She is just a GIRLFRIEND, get over that, just walk away.

Are you telling me that there is not a church that you could stay at or find shelter with? Come on now, this is the USA, there has to be something! Heck, a pup tent would be better than staying with her. You could apply to be a leasing agent part time at an apartment complex for maybe a low cost room.

Can you get your car fixed at a Community College that has a an Auto Skills Center?

This is just my thoughts from Germany.


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

@ “JUST GOT IT 55” AND “ANCOHORWATCH”

I completely agree this is turning into a thread jack! But I have the right to defend myself! One last time! Thank you! _FTP_!

*<START>*

@ Squeakr



> I did read it, *(1)* but as you said it has been edited to remove that, so what good does it do to keep sending people back to read something that is not there or no longer exists as it won't change their perspective on things????


*Which post did I say this (1) to you? Or do mean “Just Blah’s” Post#21 where he corrected himself.* All my posts were based on his ORIGINAL post#1. I was NOT AWARE his ORIGINAL Post#1 had been edited and those words removed, but it was FULL of his TRUE feelings of RACE many times! Now that's been edited out, this bothers me, that “Just Blah” has just buried one of his problems. I have to remind you that I moved on from his RACE problem, please re-read my ALL my Posts# 20 / 23 / 28/ 35/ 38/ 39. When I read his ORIGINAL post#1, I decided to help him with his problem but chose NOT to judge him on that one problem of his. His main problem is that he has become a DOORMAT and that needs to change!!!! 



> Yes tone explains everything, but that tone can be set by hurt and pain just as much as it can be set by hatred. Just because something is said in a moment of hurt doesn't mean that it is a way someone thinks and believes in their normal state.


Now that his ORIGINAL post#1 has been edited, the tone of this thread has now been diluted and all the posts made about RACE in your EYE’s seem attacking “Just Blah”! He stated many times in post#1 of ALL his past partners have had affairs with men of other RACES! Which means in his mind set he has been that way for some years? He chose not to change this position and ended up in a continuous loop of hurt after hurt. This is what I am concentrating on. 

What are you concentrating on? Don’t bother to answer, I already know from reading your posts!



> *(2)* *We at TAM, always take things for the worst. We call people cuckold, Mr. Nice Guy, Tramp, and so on based upon what they write when they are hurting most.* I am just saying that by claiming someone is racist is also playing the race card whether it is meant to be that way or not. You could have just as easily said to drop the race references if they are not relevant, instead of accusing of being racist. *(FTP: We kinda did, I guess that’s why he changed his post#1)*


*(2)* Then I guess stand alone and strongly believe in *“Innocent until proven guilty”*! “Just Blah's” ORIGINAL post#1 painted his TRUE FEELINGS, picture/story; I read it and responded as did other tamers who also noticed the heavy use of RACE in his ORIGINAL post#1. We all gave him sound advice on what to do to the present. Again, I chose to ignore the RACE part and concentrate on his other BIGGER PROBLEMS! But it seems other tamers like YOU! Want to continue this RACE problem of his, I DON'T!

I have posted and attempted to advise him on what to do and will continue to do so? 

FTP: Posts# 20 / 23 / 28/ 35/ 38/ 39 I have called him out on his RACE issues and moved on from it and attempted to give advice since his Post#21.

@Squeakr: How many posts have you advised him on what to do? 

Your Posts# 34/ 37/ 40 – None! ZERO! No advice to “Just Blah”. All you've done is ATTACK all those tamers that are giving “Just Blah” advice and guidance. If “Just Blah” had left is ORIGINAL Post#1 alone showing his TRUE FEELINGS, we would NOT be discussing this NOW as we have moved on from the RACE part of his ORIGINAL post but YOU and other SOME OTHER TAMERS decided to PLAY, so here we are AGAIN!

“Just Blah’s” ORIGINAL and NEW Post#1 is (50%), of one side of the coin, all other posts are (50%) of the other side of the coin. Giving “Just Blah’s” an insight into his own behaviour, but also every tamer a complete picture to his story from the ORIGINAL and NEW Post#1 (50%), to his latest posts (50%) to date.

*ORIGINAL and NEW Post#1 is (50%) + All other posts to date (50%) = Complete story (100%).*

*THESE ARE MY FINAL WORDS ON RACE ON “JUST BLAH” THREAD! JUST BLAH CORRECTED HIS POSITION IN HIS POST#21 AND FOR ME THAT WAS THE END. I WILL NOW RE-READ HIS NEW POST#1 AND REPLY ACCORDINGLY TO HIS NEW POST#1 AND FUTURE POSTS. IF YOU OR ANY OTHER TAMER WISHES TO BRING UP RACE IN YOUR POSTS I HOPE THEY WILL FALL ON DEAF EARS FOR ANYONE WHO ATTEMPTS TO HELP JUST BLAH WITH HIS BIGGER PROBLEM.*

*<END>*


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

Everyone. Yes I mentioned race. I left out what race purposely. Ill elaborate more in a litte bit. It has become one of those things I regret mentioning when trying to describe my situation.

I am no longer in that house. Once again I will elaborate more shortly.

I have read all your responses and wanted to let you all know I have seen them Im just not somewhere I can reallky sit down and reply just yet
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

So now we can only post if we are offering assistance, which I was offering by stating the ideal that it may be a further clue into this issue (just trying to offer some insight into this being a possibility)? I don't believe it is all about him being a doormat as some would believe. I believe the bigger picture prevails as well. Glad that you are the self appointed moderator for this thread by tallying all of the useful posts versus the un-useful ones (or at least in your opinion).

I also didn't attack anyone, was just stating that racism goes both ways. Go back and read and you will se that I have attacked no one, just stated a logical point.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Glad you are out. Move on with your life.


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hello Squeak r,



> *So now we can only post if we are offering assistance, which I was offering by stating the ideal that it may be a further clue into this issue (just trying to offer some insight into this being a possibility)? I don't believe it is all about him being a doormat as some would believe. * I believe the bigger picture prevails as well. Glad that you are the *self appointed moderator* for this thread by tallying all of the useful posts versus the un-useful ones (or at least in your opinion).


You're right the first problem in his ORIGINAL post was the RACE problem and the second problem is his doormat problem which needed to change. Since he has revised his ORIGINAL post we can no longer discuss the RACE problem. But the tamers that posted on the Race problem to “Just Blah”, their replies are still visible but NOW make no sense, because "Just Blah" posted a new revised Post#1. See the problem here….., every post made to him when the ORIGINAL post was live, has become virtually null and void apart from the positive statements about his doormat problem.

Excellent! I agree with you 100%, I am a "self-appointed moderator" for MY OWN POSTS as I wrote them and no else did! The REAL appointed moderator(s) have overall control over this thread as does “Just Blah” and if they wish to delete any offensive post; they FREE to do so without any input from me. I will ONLY judge my OWN Posts because I wrote them; they are my words in response to “Just Blah” and other tamers. 



> I also didn't attack anyone, was just stating that racism goes both ways. Go back and read and you will se that I have attacked no one, just stated a logical point.


Excuse me, but that’s the impression I received from your posts, I wish you had read the ORIGINAL post before it was revised, so I concluded that you wanted to PLAY with ME!!! So here we are!

Nope! Why should I. I know exactly what I wrote! Besides it’s way passed my bed time, I might to it in the morning though! You read your posts again and show your advice to "Just Blah" to date and I gladly retract my words and apologise to all the Tamers on this thread. 

*THIS IS REALLY IS THE LAST TIME I WILL RESPOND TO YOU ABOUT THE RACE PROBLEM OF JUST BLAH. LET’S JUST BOTH AGREE TO BACK OFF UNTIL JUST BLAH SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT SO NO OTHER TAMERS GET CONFUSED BY THE FIRST 1/2/3 PAGES OF THIS THREAD AND WONDER WHERE THE RACE PROBLEM COMES FROM - OKAY!*


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hello Just Blah,



justblah said:


> Everyone. Yes I mentioned race. I left out what race purposely. Ill elaborate more in a litte bit. It has become one of those things I regret mentioning when trying to describe my situation.
> 
> I am no longer in that house. Once again I will elaborate more shortly.
> 
> ...


*Excellent news on moving out! *:smthumbup:

However you need set the record ASAP! On your post#1’s so we can ALL move passed the RACE comment/problem etc. and advice you on ONE post#1 and not TWO! You posted two different Post#1’s and as you see for yourself this has caused some interesting bantering of words on your thread and I will take responsibility for my part in its continuation but you need to set the record straight so everyone is on the same post#1.


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

Ok here goes. Ignore the whole race issue. It's over and done with. In post #21 I said "One thing I cant keep other men out of my relationships. I am not a racist this is new to me. I was trying to point out some of my own issues." Truth be told I have friends and co workers that are of a different race and we all get a long without a problem. I have a lot of trouble trying to explain exactly what I mean on this and hoping that somehow during my ramblings you all can put it together. All the banter over race and numerous people being solely focused on that one section is completely my fault and I assume sole responsibility for all comments that are made. As Flying Phoenix said the first post is the most important one and that one was made by me therefore all comments that are made are ultimately brought on by me as well and I greatly appreciate everyone of you who are taking the time to respond whether it be positive or negative. I think it is an awesome thing to have a forum dedicated to these sort of issues with a bunch of people who are all well meaning.

Secondly. I have been reading Married Man Sex Life and trying to understand all topics contained within. Which is a slow go simply because my mind gets to wandering on what she's doing and everything that is going on right now.

One of the posters said I should have found out why she wouldn't let me borrow the car. Well the most she said pertaining to that part is she just simply doesn't want too. Yes she is up to things. I happen to know that she doesn't want me too simply because if the OM calls she wants to be able to head straight to see him because at this moment in time she is completely wrapped up in the proverbial relationship high. Right now she doesn't see anything beyond him and everything else is second rate.

I did leave the house. I spent last night walking around all night trying to sort things out. Tonight I have managed to talk a friend into letting me stay the night. Tomorrow night I will be having to do a lot of convincing with another friend. If not it's warm enough that I will spend another night walking around. I will deal with that tomorrow. Right now I have managed to find a ride to work that will hopefully continue till I can get my car fixed. She has since sent me an email apologizing for blowing her lid and letting me know that if I want it I can come back to the house and sleep on the couch. I have declined. I miss her and the kids terrible but I believe she likes having me there to kick around and having some measure of control over me and it's past time to do something different as many of you have mentioned. I don't know what direction my life is going and I have no idea what is going to happen from day to day. All I know right now is that walking out last night is the first time I have been able to really truly breathe in months. As mentioned yes I miss them all terribly and there are times I find myself trying to make up reasons to try to see them but I am doing all i can to try to fight them off. I have left the house and in bad need of a new adventure and a new life and there is no tucking tail and turning back now.

This is my opportunity to try to figure me out. My night of walking around last night is the first time I've sat down and really thought about my life. This doormat issue is not just something that pertains to women I care about. The more I look at it this is something that pertains to every aspect of my life going back for as long as I can remember. Without trying to throw myself a pity party when i think about my own behavior I can more understand why a woman would cheat on me. And this is just my opinion a woman wants a strong leader not a submissive puppy. So right now I am trying to figure out how to embrace the alpha that does exist and stop worrying so much if something I say is going to start an argument. quit holding back and internalizing so much. 

This is how I feel right now at this moment in time. I realize I am going to have a lot of days of mixed emotions but if I am ever going to be truly happy I have to find out what makes me happy. What I am passionate about. I can't find those things till I find out what my root issues are. I have to stop this thinking that if I act a certain way then that is going to be returned. I have to figure out how to love myself or at the very least have some measure of respect for myself before anyone of worth is really going to take a second look at me.


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

So far today no contact. I was really wanting to text her earlier but I did not. Im trying to decide if I should expose everything I know or not. Such mixed emotions. On one hand I wany people to know shes a liar. Then for some dumb reason Im concerned with how mad she will be and what legal ramifications there is for pertaining the info using a keylogger
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

justblah said:


> Ok here goes. Ignore the whole race issue. It's over and done with. In post #21 I said "One thing I cant keep other men out of my relationships. I am not a racist this is new to me. I was trying to point out some of my own issues." Truth be told I have friends and co workers that are of a different race and we all get a long without a problem. I have a lot of trouble trying to explain exactly what I mean on this and hoping that somehow during my ramblings you all can put it together. All the banter over race and numerous people being solely focused on that one section is completely my fault and I assume sole responsibility for all comments that are made. As Flying Phoenix said the first post is the most important one and that one was made by me therefore all comments that are made are ultimately brought on by me as well and I greatly appreciate everyone of you who are taking the time to respond whether it be positive or negative. I think it is an awesome thing to have a forum dedicated to these sort of issues with a bunch of people who are all well meaning.
> 
> Secondly. I have been reading Married Man Sex Life and trying to understand all topics contained within. Which is a slow go simply because my mind gets to wandering on what she's doing and everything that is going on right now.
> 
> ...


This last paragraph will put you on the road to recovery Listen to your own advice I hope you have made a breakthrough


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

I am not really sure what I would call it,honestly. A I know is my heart hurts something fierce. I badly want to see her and the kids. By this point I know without question I have bee complety blamed for everything. I see n her mom at the store a little bit ago. She used to love me and tell her she needed to quit being stubborn and hold onto me. Now I get the stink eye and dirty looks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

I had a facebook message from one of her male friends this morning saying if I ever messed with her car again he was going to find me and kick my a¤s. I have no clue what hes talking about so I just hit ignore
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shaung (Mar 18, 2011)

justblah said:


> I had a facebook message from one of her male friends this morning saying if I ever messed with her car again he was going to find me and kick my a¤s. I have no clue what hes talking about so I just hit ignore
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds like she is a busy beaver behind your back. How many men is she talking about you to?


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

apparently she really truly is. it would seem she is talking to her mom badly about me. Her dad she started lying to him quite some time ago about me from what I found out the other day. So he is another that used to sing my praises that now thinks I'm horrid. 

The guy that sent me the message this morning is the ex boyfriend she was trying to make jealous. So as far as I know it's just him and the other guy that she is currently obsessing over.

I found out she was trying to get him to come over to the house to protect her just in case I came back. I'm like wth? Like I'm going to do anything to hurt her let alone knowing the kids are there. Gees what kind of low life does she think I am. Hell I'm not even talking to anyone aside from all of you about the issues going on!


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

justblah said:


> apparently she really truly is. it would seem she is talking to her mom badly about me. Her dad she started lying to him quite some time ago about me from what I found out the other day. So he is another that used to sing my praises that now thinks I'm horrid.
> 
> The guy that sent me the message this morning is the ex boyfriend she was trying to make jealous. So as far as I know it's just him and the other guy that she is currently obsessing over.
> 
> I found out she was trying to get him to come over to the house to protect her just in case I came back. I'm like wth? Like I'm going to do anything to hurt her let alone knowing the kids are there. Gees what kind of low life does she think I am. Hell I'm not even talking to anyone aside from all of you about the issues going on!


You have evidence of her playing away with how many OM(s), I say this because it looks like she has more than one OM waiting to replace YOU. Collect ALL the information you have on her extra play mate(s) and blow her world up, first with her father, mother and then everyone else. You said you have a FB account, does she? If Yes! Than that's the place to expose her cheating to ALL the world. Drip feed the information every few minutes on your/her FB page.

Her words and actions say everything, and that is she wants you OUT! But she is brainless to say it to your face. She's looking for a replacement before dumping you. Dump her first.

Talking to TAM ONLY! - Don't you have any close friends to confide in? You have to share this with someone other than TAM.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Be careful what you post openly if it was obtained improperly. I would expose to her family and friends. Not certain how much of the evidence I would reveal.

In the end, blood is thicker than water. My mother-in-law loved me and was discussed with her daughter; but it didn't take long to re-establish the mother-daughter relationship and vilify me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Squeakr said:


> Agreed cheating is cheating.
> However he hasn't named the race involved, so it may not be racist and in fact a clue as to her true drive and attractions


So that makes it better? He is the one who kept mentioning race in his first post. 



FlyingThePhoenix said:


> The issue of RACE was PLAYED BY Just Blah in Post#1, he set the tone of HIS thread and those tamers that picked this up, pointed this out.


Thank you! HE is the one who made it an issue by saying he HAS an issue with this race. LOL.



Squeakr said:


> Yes tone explains everything, but that tone can be set by hurt and pain just as much as it can be set by hatred. * Just because something is said in a moment of hurt doesn't mean that it is a way someone thinks and believes in their normal state.*.


Wrong again. *HE is the one who said he has a problem with this race* . Those were HIS words. Not anyone else's. Now he's backtracking because nobody likes being called out as being prejudiced or racist. 



Squeakr said:


> I am just saying that by claiming someone is racist is also playing the race card _*whether it is meant to be that way or not*_.


He made it a RACE issue when he kept mentioning the race. 

Is it an accusation when he admits to having issues with a particular race? 



justblah said:


> Everyone. Yes I mentioned race. I left out what race purposely.


If that makes you feel better, so be it. 



2asdf2 said:


> Racism is a fact of life. So, what if the OP is, or is not racist?
> 
> He still has a problem. If you think he is racist simply take that into consideration as you offer him advice.
> 
> TAM is not a racism advice forum! *Let's keep that topic at bay*!


So what? The issue is that he posted on an OPEN forum and kept referencing RACE and was called out on it. He made RACE part of the topic.

People are offering him good advice on how to deal with his various cheating partner(s) as well as responding to his race comments. Seems he is getting great advice.

In an open forum, one should expect to hear all kinds of opinions and responses based on what they are posting.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Wrong again. *HE is the one who said he has a problem with this race* . Those were HIS words. Not anyone else's. Now he's backtracking because nobody likes being called out as being prejudiced or racist.


How are you to judge something as wrong or right without knowing the person and their true intentions? I still stand by my words that hurt/ pain can make someone say things that they don't mean or really believe whereas hatred is their true belief. Have you never called someone something in the heat of the moment and not really thought that about them in real life (such as calling the spouse a b!tch/ a$$hole even though you don't believe that is what they are in real life).

Yes the OP did remove the references, but that could be for many reason, such as he typed it in a moment of anger (lots of hurt posting happens on this site), didn't want people to know the true him and his beliefs, or that he just wanted it removed from the conversation as it was adding nothing and sidetracking the discussion (as I am now  ).


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

I'm of another race...I didn't find it racist at all...facts are this lady seems attracted to this particular race..it's a fact.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

justblah said:


> apparently she really truly is. it would seem she is talking to her mom badly about me. Her dad she started lying to him quite some time ago about me from what I found out the other day. So he is another that used to sing my praises that now thinks I'm horrid.
> 
> The guy that sent me the message this morning is the ex boyfriend she was trying to make jealous. So as far as I know it's just him and the other guy that she is currently obsessing over.
> 
> I found out she was trying to get him to come over to the house to protect her just in case I came back. I'm like wth? Like I'm going to do anything to hurt her let alone knowing the kids are there. Gees what kind of low life does she think I am. Hell I'm not even talking to anyone aside from all of you about the issues going on!


She cheats, she lies, she makes up things that could potentially get you hurt, she has no problem with you sleeping on a park bench as long as she gets to go and bang her pals..a question

Why exactly would you want to hear from her or talk to her ever again. She will always be her, she will have that personality, she will do dirt to other men after you.

Walk away, rebuild your life and every night, kiss the earth and thank god you walked away from this train wreck of a woman.
She sleeps with other men exposing you to risk of disease..and no this is not a race thing..just a woman sleeping with many sexual partners thing, it's dangerous. Hope you got rid of her number and unfriended her from facebook.


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

And here it is. The race convo continues. Yes I mentioned it. Yes some of your are not wanting to let it go. yes I am so terrible sorry for ever trying to put the entirety of my story out there to begin out with. I'm sorry for posting a #1 to begin with. I think some other people on this site are making it a bigger deal than I am and I will not go into names. 

Ok sorry i have not been in a position to post in a couple days but things are fairly calm at the moment.

I have not talked to her since my last post. However she did send me an email yesterday apologizing about everything and trying to explain why she has acted the way she has. I read it and deleted. I did not respond. She emailed me again today telling me about our dog's vet appointment and asking how I am and what I've been up too. Once again. delete. no response.

I have not exposed her yet. Her birthday is on Thursday and I'm thinking the perfect B-day present from me will be all the convos I have and have had since the split. I have obtained the two other guys email addresses. I have found her friends on facebook and bookmarked their profiles. I have everything set to start sending just as soon as I wake up on Thursday. It is sure to be an awesome bday for her. This woman does not get the privilege of being my friend while she screws the other guys she was flirting with behind my back.

It all hurts like hell still and I'm desperately trying to stay busy and focused on other things right now. I ended up having to remove the kids from my facebook as well simply because seeing them pop up with random status updates hurts too much knowing that I'm not going to see them again. 

I still have to get over there and get the rest of my crap sometime I'm just hoping to be able to do so on a day that no one is there.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You sound a lot stronger. Good!

Find a place to stay?


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

I'm couch surfing and staying at hotels a lot but that's alright. I am out of the house and can breathe a little easier. I get paid Thursday morning and have already scheduled the day off so i can dedicate the day to getting my car running. 

Right now the main thing I'm doing is just trying to stay focused on other things rather than sit around and think about her. I also get a small bit of pleasure knowing that if I don't respond to her it drives her batty  Right now I'm trying to pour all my focus into my car,school and work. After my car is running comes the hunt for a place to live. I have my eye on a house right now I've been trying to contact whoever owns it. The house has been vacated for over a year now and completely on the other side of town from her.


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

justblah said:


> I'm couch surfing and staying at hotels a lot but that's alright. I am out of the house and can breathe a little easier. I get paid Thursday morning and have already scheduled the day off so i can dedicate the day to getting my car running.
> 
> Right now the main thing I'm doing is just trying to stay focused on other things rather than sit around and think about her. I also get a small bit of pleasure knowing that if I don't respond to her it drives her batty  Right now I'm trying to pour all my focus into my car,school and work. After my car is running comes the hunt for a place to live.* I have my eye on a house right now I've been trying to contact whoever owns it.* The house has been vacated for over a year now and completely on the other side of town from her.


Do you need car? can you get along with a motor bike?

House:
Contact the neighbours and see if any of them have a forwarding address for any mail. 

Contact the post office and ask them the same (if the PO allows this of course). 

Contact the local estate agents, I'm sure one of them has the house on their books.


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

FlyingThePhoenix said:


> Do you need car? can you get along with a motor bike?
> 
> House:
> Contact the neighbours and see if any of them have a forwarding address for any mail.
> ...


I have found a ride to work which is my biggest concern. Hopefully have my car fixed this week though. I wish I knew how to ride a bike!

That's actually a good idea! I hadn't thought of asking the post office. I had done some google searches but was coming up empty on real estate other than pictures and property value
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

justblah said:


> I have found a ride to work which is my biggest concern. Hopefully have my car fixed this week though. I wish I knew how to ride a bike!
> 
> That's actually a good idea! I hadn't thought of asking the post office. I had done some google searches but was coming up empty on real estate other than pictures and property value
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I actually meant a moped for getting about town for work/school etc... You can use your car for longer journeys or for transporting larger items. Here in the UK I can buy and ride a 50cc moped on my existing driving licence.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

justblah said:


> I have found a ride to work which is my biggest concern. Hopefully have my car fixed this week though. I wish I knew how to ride a bike!
> 
> That's actually a good idea! I hadn't thought of asking the post office. I had done some google searches but was coming up empty on real estate other than pictures and property value
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If your State of county has property taxes, go to that website and it should have the property owners name listed. The next problem will be to find them since they obviously do not live there.

BTW - I doubt that the PO will give you anything officially. Why not just knock on a few neighbor's doors and ask them about it?


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

Sorry it's been a bit since I was last able to post. I have finally gotten my car running and staying in a hotel at the moment. I was able to locate the property owners. The house is owned by the bank and unfortunately the monthly payments are out of my price range. Ahh well I have my eye on a few other places to go check out this weekend. I went out for coffee with someone I met. It was nothing just a friendly thing. it went well and I think will make pretty good friends. So that's the good and now here comes the bad.

A few days prior my ex started texting and since I am weak when it comes to her I responded. Anyways after a couple days of talking she invited me over to watch a movie on Sunday. I did so. Nothing happened we just watched a movie and that was it. About 1am she texts me that she's horny. I didn't respond. The next day she invited me back over to watch another movie and as stated I'm weak..stupid..pick your word..i went over and we did have sex. I didn't stay the night. We did our thing. I went outside and smoked while she fell asleep and then I just left. The next day I text her and found it odd that all of a sudden she wasn't replying. I drove by her house and guess who she has over. The other guy. So rather than obeying my instinct and stopping and completely ruining the evening and making a scene which would have probably resulted in the police being called I just drove back to my hotel. I emailed her and told her that I now see that she is just using me for when the other guy won't make time for her. I already know she is having doubts with him because he will not commit. This happened last night. She emailed me back saying that he just brought his kids over to play with her kids and that was it because previously she had already promised one of them that she could come over and meet her daughter and told me everything that happened that night. So just to see if she was telling the truth or not I drove by tonight and well there he is again. So she is still not being honest about anything here and probably never going to change. Which really sucks.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

What time of night was it??

Why didn't she answer the texts??


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

So that's two nights in a row the OM has been with her and they are both using the kids as an excuse to get together in the evening. 

Don't answer her text messages! block her number/email address and go back to the bank and ask them if they have any more properties on their books that you can manage the monthly mortgage repayments.


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

ShootMePlz! said:


> What time of night was it??
> 
> Why didn't she answer the texts??


Around 9. When she did answer she said she had her phone on the charger all night and they all were in the front room. She doesn't talk to me about the full details but she said that it's nothing they are just trying to be friends. Once again because I'm a bit retarded I checked her email today and she had two conversations. One with her dad telling him she still has feelings for me but gets confused because the OM offers something different. Meaning that it's the honeymoon stage so things seem fresh and new or so I'm guessing

The other conversation was with the OM telling him he needs to sit down and talk to his ex and find out if there is still anything there and that she needs to cut everything and walk away. Who knows for how long


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## justblah (Jun 6, 2013)

FlyingThePhoenix said:


> So that's two nights in a row the OM has been with her and they are both using the kids as an excuse to get together in the evening.
> 
> Don't answer her text messages! block her number/email address and go back to the bank and ask them if they have any more properties on their books that you can manage the monthly mortgage repayments.


That's the way it seems to me as well. 

I am planning on payday next week to just go and get my number changed and make a new email address. Too much in that email as far as messages and pictures and such. 

That is a good plan but right now I think I'm just going to look for a cheap apartment and change towns altogether. There are a few places available near my work that I want to check out.


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