# More pictures while I'm sleeping



## Wally79

Hello again,
It's been a while since I posted here. A while ago I shared my story about my husband's obsession with taking pictures of my private parts while I'm sleeping.
On Mother's Day I found 2 spy cameras in my bathroom and I was furious and almost moved out. He cried and cried asking for forgiveness, saying that he learned his lesson.
Couple of months ago I found an iPod with pics of my butt! But I haven't sayed a word. Everyday I find more stuff, like spy cameras, a millions of different charges, portable hard drivers, a laptop that I never see him using it, and so on.
This time I want to file for separation. I don't wanna press charges against him because our first daughter is 14 years old and that would be traumatic.
For those of you going trough divorce or separation and have small children, not enough money to be on your own, not family members close, HOW YOU DO IT?
Selling the house now is not possible. I have my in laws too and I can't make them move again. They're in late 70s! 
It is really possible to be separated under the same roof?? I don't like the idea but my shift starts early in the morning and my son is only 4. I don't wanna leave him here, even thou my husband is overalll a good father.
I feel stuck in a hole😞
Any advise is greatly appreciated and thanks for reading this.
( no marriage counseling )


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## arbitrator

*I don't rightly know if you are saying that you don't want MC or that if MC is not an option, but in my honest opinion and at an absolute minimum, your hubby is going to have to seriously enroll himself in IC(Individual Counseling) if this marriage has a snowballs chance in hell of ever surviving!*


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## Cooper

If your biggest concern is his lack of respecting your boundaries living under the same roof isn't an option. Do you think that will make him stop taking secret pictures of you? I remember you story from before, if I was you I would be scared to death he was taking pictures of your 14 year old daughter as well. Even if you never find pictures of your daughter I would bet he has them, if he has cameras set up in the home she has wondered into some of those pictures. You are afraid of causing her trauma by charging her father, but think of the trauma when pictures of her start turning up on the internet. 

First thing is I hope you are documenting everything, create a file for copies of all the pictures you can find, copies of receipts for all his surveillance gear, take pictures of the hidden cameras when you find them, keep track of all his new and old electronic devises. 

Here's a major issue in my eyes, if you separate or divorce he still has all the pictures, pictures of you, possibly your friends, possibly pictures of your daughter and of her friends. With those pictures in his possession how could you ever relax? Those pictures could show up on the internet tomorrow or ten years from now. 

The least traumatic approach I could see would be to hire a forensic investigator to examine all your husbands electronics, you could do this without the kids knowledge but your husband would need to be willing to have it done (and I bet he wont). An investigator may be able to find all those hidden folders and delete them. A couple of negatives though, if the pictures have been posted off device they're out there forever, they can't be pulled back.. and if the investigator finds pictures of minors I believe he will have an obligation to involve the authorities, your husband will go to jail.

If this was just a one time thing I wouldn't worry so much, but this has been an on going issue, he has a compulsion he can't stop, he has just become more subversive by hiding cameras around the house. He needs help and you need to protect yourself and your kids.

OP I feel very sorry for you, you are in a very uncomfortable position, now matter what you do lives will be affected.


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## tropicalbeachiwish

Being separated IN THE SAME HOUSE isn't going to solve the problem of him taking pictures/videos. You either leave or he leaves, then you rid the house of all cameras. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## browser

You can assume he's sharing those private pictures of you in the bathroom with a group of deviants online. These types of wackjobs tend to seek each other out so they can swap their goods.

I read your prior thread and I realize that you're unwilling to take any legal action against him because you don't want to traumatize your 14 year old daughter and you can't afford to live on your own.

Well you could go balls to the wall and have him legally removed from the house and he'd probably be forced to pay you support until you can become self supporting- but since you don't want to do anything like that I suggest you just always walk around fully clothed because those cameras are probably everywhere. He's probably taken pictures of your daughter and shared those too. Think about that the next time you want to "spare her the trauma of seeing her dad facing legal charges".

I swear some people must love to be victims. There's just no other answer.


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## Blondilocks

Tell his parents!


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## MarriedDude

This takes strange and creepy to a whole new level...damn. 

I assume you are finding wireless cameras? There is probably audio as well. 

You need a signal jammer. It will stop all of them within a particular radius....disrupting both video and audio....Additionally, he is probably running them through your router or a router extension. To be cautious...of your using the facilities....simply unplug the routers. 

I feel for you, it has to be frustrating as hell, being under constant surveillance


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## She'sStillGotIt

This train-wreck doesn't even enter the *realm *of counseling so that's about the LAST thing I'd suggest.

As Browser mentioned, you're completely unwilling to bring charges on this perverted pig because you're so worried about "traumatizing" your daughter - yet you're completely fine with the fact that SHE'S living with this mouth breathing cretin *and all his 100s of cameras and secret drives and everything ELSE around the house*, too.

Are you really that obtuse or are you just choosing to bury your head in the sand because it's so nice and warm around your ears? Admittedly, you stopped being a victim a while ago and are now a volunteer.

First - your in-laws are NOT your problem. They're your pervert husband's problem, so why are you using them as an excuse to not be able to leave?

Secondly, your husband will have to pay child support for the children he CHOSE to have with you. Regardless of whether he's a sick loser or not, that doesn't preclude him from abiding by the law like every other divorced or separated father. If you leave, your children are *entitled* to child support so it would be worth your while to visit a lawyer and find out what that amount would BE, since it would be used toward your housing and living expenses along with your salary.

Third, you need to lower your expectations with respect to where you'd live if you left. Just because you can't afford the same standard of living out on your own that you have now is no excuse to stay with this assclown. So what if it's an apartment or a rundown house rental? You make it into a healthy home - it doesn't have to be 'house beautiful' material.

If you keep making up excuses for why you can't leave, you'll continue to deal with this disgusting behavior - which now may include your daugher.


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## rockon

I agree with @MarriedDude, this is beyond creepy weird. 

Are you sure he is not posting the pics on the internet? I would not be surprised if he has not done so already.


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## MarriedDude

rockon said:


> I agree with @MarriedDude, this beyond creepy weird.
> 
> Are you sure he is not posting the pics on the internet? I would not be surprised if he has not done so already.


I think the probability that he is posting them SOMEWHERE is very high. An image search and alert using TOR...not the lame browsers, would be the best method to search for any image indexed...it wouldnt find thsm everywhere...but would be a pretty thorough look-see.


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## threelittlestars

OMG....I would be terrified that this fetish translates to your TEEN daughter. 

Please stop worrying what a divorce would do to her, or what knowing about her fathers actions would do to her. Stop it before he gets HER ON CAMERA! i KNOW YOU THINK he has not done it, and he may not have, but he is assaulting you in a form by taking pictures without you knowing. 

This is VERY VERY VERY WRONG and you know it. Pop this **** NOW!


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## Lostme

So dang creepy, I would be worried about both children getting on camera.

He is a big pervert, that needs to commit himself somewhere for proper help, he is only sorry he got caught you need to stop being delusional, he is harmful to the children as well and any friends you have over.


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## 269370

Is it not possible to have an honest & open conversation to find out exactly what the deal is first before jumping to conclusions/divorce?
There are many "fetishes", some of them are harmless, some of them very much not. If it's a harmless kind (for example if he wants to have nude photos of you but is too embarrassed to ask), maybe this can be discussed? That said, you should obviously never put yourself in a situation where you would feel uncomfortable. Some things can work quite well in foreplay, provided there is trust and honesty.


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## Blondilocks

inmyprime said:


> Is it not possible to have an honest & open conversation to find out exactly what the deal is first before jumping to conclusions/divorce?
> There are many "fetishes", some of them are harmless, some of them very much not. If it's a harmless kind (for example if he wants to have nude photos of you but is too embarrassed to ask), maybe this can be discussed? That said, you should obviously never put yourself in a situation where you would feel uncomfortable. Some things can work quite well in foreplay, *provided there is trust and honesty.*




Not a snowball's chance in hell of that developing. He blew that from the get-go. Read her first thread to get a more clear picture of what she's dealing with.


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## browser

inmyprime said:


> Is it not possible to have an honest & open conversation to find out exactly what the deal is first before jumping to conclusions/divorce?


Not when she finds out after the fact.


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## 269370

Blondilocks said:


> [/B]
> 
> Not a snowball's chance in hell of that developing. He blew that from the get-go. Read her first thread to get a more clear picture of what she's dealing with.


Which part exactly? Where he took photo of her legs and touched his wife intimately while she was sleeping?

I am not saying any of this sounds normal, especially the way it is presented. However we only know one side of the story. What is NOT normal is people jumping to conclusions that he is also taking pictures of the daughters and uploading them onto the internet at the same time. How does one arrive from A to .... X??

They should have a proper conversation and his wife should find out what it's exactly all about. He may have a block and not able to communicate his preferences properly. Or he may be a total freak. Who the hell knows?


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## 2ntnuf

Just a suggestion....wear some damn clothes to bed.....there I said it. whew......

Pajamas for Women, Men, Girls, and Boys | Pajamagram


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## Blondilocks

inmyprime said:


> *Which part exactly*? Where he took photo of her legs and touched his wife intimately while she was sleeping?
> 
> I am not saying any of this sounds normal, especially the way it is presented. However we only know one side of the story. What is NOT normal is people jumping to conclusions that he is also taking pictures of the daughters and uploading them onto the internet at the same time. How does one arrive from A to .... X??
> 
> They should have a proper conversation and his wife should find out what it's exactly all about. He may have a block and not able to communicate his preferences properly. Or he may be a total freak. Who the hell knows?


The part where she says she tried to have a conversation with him about it but he just says he loves her. He won't discuss her feelings. He won't have a conversation.

So, why don't you advise her how to have 'a proper conversation' when her husband won't talk?

I'll say it, again: Expose him to his parents. Maybe his parents can explain it to him in a manner in which he can understand.


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## 269370

Blondilocks said:


> The part where she says she tried to have a conversation with him about it but he just says he loves her. He won't discuss her feelings. He won't have a conversation.
> 
> 
> 
> So, why don't you advise her how to have 'a proper conversation' when her husband won't talk?
> 
> 
> 
> I'll say it, again: Expose him to his parents. Maybe his parents can explain it to him in a manner in which he can understand.




Yes I have no idea what "tried to go deep" means at all. Do you?

What is exposing him to his parents going to achieve?

I have tons of nude photos of my wife, with her permission of course. Maybe he has trouble asking.
What is she exactly offended about? Being the object of his sexual desire, perhaps expressed in an awkward manner?
They need to learn to communicate with each other.


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## 269370

Putting it another way: should she, in your opinion, be more offended if she found out that he masturbated to porn or to the nude photos of his wife? 
Anything else is currently speculation. If there are darker undertones, she should report him to police, not his parents.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## MarriedDude

inmyprime said:


> Which part exactly? Where he took photo of her legs and touched his wife intimately while she was sleeping?
> 
> *I am not saying any of this sounds normal, especially the way it is presented. However we only know one side of the story. *
> 
> *You are 100% correct...We only have one side of the story....But, do you understand how forums like this work? We are here to help, as much as possible, with the information presented. It's taken at face value, initially, even if it sounds a little off. If there is an elephant hiding in the corner somewhere...it tends to get teased out eventually...then the advice and opinions may change to address the corrected information. So T.L.D.R ....Duh*
> 
> *What is NOT normal is people jumping to conclusions that he is also taking pictures of the daughters and uploading them onto the internet at the same time. How does one arrive from A to .... X??
> *
> 
> *Seriously? This doesn't really equate to a massive leap from A to X....It's more of a A to B....A to C...at the most. Why? Because past behavior is a relatively good indicator of future behavior......OP Husband's behavior has escalated, over time......you know....many deviant behaviors escalate over time.... Typically taking the successive turns from Bad to Really Bad to Worse...to Serious Damage...You do see how being concerned about the safety of her child.....isn't "Jumping to Conclusions"....it's encouraging OP to make decisions that ensure her daughter's safety. It's encouraging her to look past her own fears and make sure her child is safe......
> 
> You do realize....that...in effect....you are taking the position that her daughter's safety is less important than.....what exactly? What are you actually suggesting here? Oh yeah....that's below...*
> 
> *They should have a proper conversation and his wife should find out what it's exactly all about.* He may have a block and not able to communicate his preferences properly. Or he may be a total freak. Who the hell knows?


*So, your suggestion is "a proper conversation"? I would put forth....that many many cameras....even in bathrooms....Uploading to hidden devices.....done without the subject's permission...persistently....continued even in the face of protest...Beyond actually being a crime....is a dangerous situation for both OP and her children. This activity is evidence of an escalating pattern of behavior inconsistent with that of person in control of either themselves of their basic faculties....and quite beyond the pale of what would be considered normal behavior for a husband and father. 

I can understand security...I have dozens of cameras on my home, outlying gates, my office, Equipment yards, etc....However, I don't have them in Restrooms. I don't have them in bedrooms. Further....my wife & my children have access to the live feeds....from their phones....whenever they want. 

What OP's Husband is doing isn't security....it's the opposite. 

Just my .02....*


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## MarriedDude

inmyprime said:


> *Putting it another way: should she, in your opinion, be more offended if she found out that he masturbated to porn or to the nude photos of his wife? *
> 
> *This fails to address the actual issue which is illegal surveillance and the ERADICATION of any form of privacy of security in her home. Nice attempt to re-frame the narrative though.....*
> 
> 
> *Anything else is currently speculation.*
> 
> *Duh...it's all speculation....OP came here for help. *
> 
> 
> *If there are darker undertones*,
> 
> *Sooooo...this isn't dark NOW? *
> 
> *she should report him to police together WITH his parents.*
> 
> *I fixed the above for you*
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370

As I said previously, if there is ANY indication at all that the filming has been directed at anyone but his wife for sexual gratification, she has a duty to report him to the police.
Can you show me how you arrived at the conclusion that his past behaviour (filming his wife), predicts his future behaviour? (E.g. filming anyone else).
I have taken photos of my wife 20 years ago, and I still ONLY take photos of her, when nudity is concerned.
Nobody apart from you is putting elephants into the room, given the information disclosed.


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## browser

inmyprime said:


> As I said previously, if there is ANY indication at all that the filming has been directed at anyone but his wife for sexual gratification, she has a duty to report him to the police.


He's been filming her, without her knowledge IN THE BATHROOM. 

She should have hauled his ass into court already for that alone.


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## MarriedDude

inmyprime said:


> As I said previously, if there is ANY indication at all that the filming has been directed at anyone but his wife for sexual gratification, she has a duty to report him to the police.
> *Can you show me how you arrived at the conclusion that his past behaviour* (filming his wife), predicts his future behaviour? (E.g. filming anyone else).
> *I have taken photos of my wife 20 years ago, and I still ONLY take photos of her, when nudity is concerned.*
> Nobody apart from you is putting elephants into the room, given the information disclosed.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Uhhh. Seriously? You are new to this whole....past behavior is an indicator of future behavior? 

Lovin the anecdotal evidence...."I've never done that...therefore...No one else would do that....Because....Reasons"


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## MarriedDude

browser said:


> He's been filming her, without her knowledge IN THE BATHROOM.
> 
> She should have hauled his ass into court already for that alone.


Yep....This, boys and girls...is what we call a CRIME.


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## 269370

It seems to be legal to record people in your own home, from googling it.
Obviously this case is going beyond that so I guess until she knows exactly what his kinks are and if he ever recorded anyone else, it's difficult to comment.
It can be viewed as violation of privacy and betrayal of trust or it can be viewed as however she likes to view it. If conversation not at all possible, it's doubtful trust was there in the first place.


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## browser

inmyprime said:


> It seems to be legal to record people in your own home, from googling it.


_
In the U.S., you cannot photograph a person, regardless of age, who has a ‘reasonable expectation of privacy‘. This is someone who believes that he or she is in a private location and no-one is watching._

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-illegal...ut-their-knowledge-provided-they-are-an-adult


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## 269370

You are insinuating that because he is filming his wife, his daughters must therefore also be in danger and accuse me of re-framing the narrative?
Never mind.
Btw i'm in no way condoning his actions (it's wrong, if the other person doesn't know about it) but I cannot stand it when people jump to ridiculous conclusions for the sake of it. I'm just offering an alternative possibility to help & get over the initial (justified) shock and perhaps have a proper conversation before tearing family apart. The latter can always be done, but never be undone.


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## MarriedDude

inmyprime said:


> *It seems to be legal to record people in your own home, from googling it.
> Obviously this case is going beyond that so I guess until she knows exactly what his kinks are and if he ever recorded anyone else, it's difficult to comment.*
> 
> *Still sticking with the Reframing...huh? Nice backtrack though.*
> 
> It can be viewed as violation of privacy and betrayal of trust or it can be viewed as however she likes to view it. If conversation not at all possible, it's doubtful trust was there in the first place.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Like....a Bank Robbery....can be viewed as an unanticipated withdrawal by a non-account holder. 

A rape...could simply be....an Unrequested Semen Donation...

Words mean things. framing the discussion in such a way, as to reduce the impact or severity of the situation does little but cloud the reality. OP has plenty of Rationalization going on already....She needs no help with that.


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## browser

inmyprime said:


> You are insinuating that because he is filming his wife, his daughters must therefore also be in danger


Yes. 



inmyprime said:


> I'm just offering an alternative possibility to help & get over the initial (justified) shock and perhaps have a proper conversation before tearing family apart.


She tried that. Answers were not forthcoming.


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## 269370

browser said:


> _
> In the U.S., you cannot photograph a person, regardless of age, who has a ‘reasonable expectation of privacy‘. This is someone who believes that he or she is in a private location and no-one is watching._
> 
> https://www.quora.com/Is-it-illegal...ut-their-knowledge-provided-they-are-an-adult


The same link also says:

"You have a perfect right to install cameras which record video and sound in your own home whether in sight or hidden."
It then goes on to say that obviously showers are not included. But then it is not talking about spouses anyway so I have no idea what will actually happen in the court of law in this situation.

Backtracking: I mention in *my first post* on this thread that the reason I wrote anything at all (and I probably shouldn't have) is a call to stop people jumping to conclusions without evidence (the OP's husband is being accused of serious crimes, I hope you realise this), not to defend or justify the acts that we know of.

It's funny how there seems to be somewhat of a double standard: on the CWI threads, everyone plus their dogs recommend installing surveillance devices pretty much everywhere (including outside their spouse's homes) without permission of spouse (or soon to be ex spouse), especially in compromising situations. There is no indication that the filming and photographing in the OP's husband's case was done in any way to harm or compromise his wife (which doesn't make it right but also doesn't automatically make him a paedophile!)

Lets get back to life, shall we?


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## 3Xnocharm

inmyprime said:


> There is no indication that the filming and photographing in the OP's husband's case was done in any way to harm or compromise his wife (which doesn't make it right but also doesn't automatically make him a paedophile!)
> 
> Lets get back to life, shall we?


I am DUMBFOUNDED that you are defending this blatant violation of someone's rights! Is this something that goes on in YOUR house or what?? Accusing people here of jumping to conclusions...seriously, WHO DEFENDS THIS KIND OF SH!T??


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## browser

inmyprime said:


> The same link also says:
> 
> "You have a perfect right to install cameras which record video and sound in your own home whether in sight or hidden."
> It then goes on to say that obviously showers are not included.


That person you are quoting is not even a lawyer, just some random internet forum poster such as yourself. Their advice is in direct contrast to known lawyers as well as posted US laws on the issue. 



inmyprime said:


> (the OP's husband is being accused of serious crimes, I hope you realise this), not to defend or justify the acts that we know of.


Videotaping his wife in the bathroom without her knowledge is a felony. That means if he is charged, and convicted, he will go to jail, because he is a criminal. Not sure what part of this you fail to understand?



inmyprime said:


> There is no indication that the filming and photographing in the OP's husband's case was done in any way to harm or compromise his wife (which doesn't make it right but also doesn't automatically make him a paedophile!)


If he has indeed videotaped his wife in the bathroom and other areas within the house where she has a reasonable expectation of privacy, without her consent and knowledge he is a perverted criminal and it's not a huge stretch to think he might be doing the same to his underage daughter. Again, not sure what part of this you fail to understand?


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## 269370

3Xnocharm said:


> I am DUMBFOUNDED that you are defending this blatant violation of someone's rights! Is this something that goes on in YOUR house or what?? Accusing people here of jumping to conclusions...seriously, WHO DEFENDS THIS KIND OF SH!T??


I was never defending it. Good day.


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## browser

3Xnocharm said:


> I am DUMBFOUNDED that you are defending this blatant violation of someone's rights! Is this something that goes on in YOUR house or what?? Accusing people here of jumping to conclusions...seriously, WHO DEFENDS THIS KIND OF SH!T??


The ignorant, the uninformed, the gullible, or the guilty.


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## MarriedDude

inmyprime said:


> The same link also says:
> 
> "You have a perfect right to install cameras which record video and sound in your own home whether in sight or hidden."
> It then goes on to say that obviously showers are not included. But then it is not talking about spouses anyway so I have no idea what will actually happen in the court of law in this situation.
> 
> Backtracking: I mention in *my first post* on this thread that the reason I wrote anything at all (and I probably shouldn't have) is a call to stop people jumping to conclusions without evidence (the OP's husband is being accused of serious crimes, I hope you realise this), not to defend or justify the acts that we know of.
> 
> *It's funny how there seems to be somewhat of a double standard: on the CWI threads, everyone plus their dogs recommend installing surveillance devices pretty much everywhere (including outside their spouse's homes) without permission of spouse (or soon to be ex spouse), especially in compromising situations.* There is no indication that the filming and photographing in the OP's husband's case was done in any way to harm or compromise his wife (which doesn't make it right but also doesn't automatically make him a paedophile!)
> 
> Lets get back to life, shall we?


I will...IF....you can find 1(one), just one Thread/Post/Comment in CWI...that recommends setting up surveillance cameras in the bathroom......

BONUS POINTS...if you can find one where that was recommended to a BS that had a teenage daughter (or hell...any age daughter) living in the same house.


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## 269370

MarriedDude said:


> I will...IF....you can find 1(one), just one Thread/Post/Comment in CWI...that recommends setting up surveillance cameras in the bathroom......
> 
> BONUS POINTS...if you can find one where that was recommended to a BS that had a teenage daughter (or hell...any age daughter) living in the same house.


You know exactly this was not my point. Are you saying that surveillance on your spouse without her knowledge outside her home is legal or not? You bamboozled me.
Hint: BOTH instances are possibly illegal. I am not going to argue which one is worse. The motives are not clear in this instance. I already stated my position clearly that this is still wrong.

In her post, she mentions cameras in HER bathroom (for the hundreds time: this doesn't make it right but makes a huge difference if convicted).



browser said:


> The ignorant, the uninformed, the gullible, or the guilty.


Ok, now I am also being accused of imaginary crimes? Lets stone them all. Why not.

This is going really well.


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## browser

inmyprime said:


> In her post, she mentions cameras in HER bathroom (for the hundreds time: this doesn't make it right but makes a huge difference if convicted).


It's somehow less of a crime if the cameras are in HER bathroom?



inmyprime said:


> Ok, now I am also being accused of imaginary crimes?


Well, no, but you are responding as if you _are_ guilty.


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## 269370

browser said:


> It's somehow less of a crime if the cameras are in HER bathroom?


It's less of a crime having cameras the wife's bathroom than having it in his daughter's bathroom, yes, which is what he is being accused here by the majority. And it's technically the same type of crime as having all these VARs and tapes installed everywhere else, as recommended on CWI forum for a cheating spouse (bathrooms excluded, perhaps. Although who knows where they put those things).



browser said:


> Well, no, but you are responding as if you are guilty.


And how did you arrive at this amazing insight, Columbo? I am not defending his actions, I am criticising this ridiculous stoning ritual.

She should give him a chance to explain himself properly and ask him to hand over all the "material" he gathered and then if she finds anything that doesn't fit his explanations, figure out the appropriate response or report him, if necessary.


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## browser

inmyprime said:


> It's less of a crime having cameras the wife's bathroom than having it in his daughter's bathroom, yes, which is what he is being accused here by the majority.


There's a big difference between accusing the pervert of molesting and/or videotaping his daughter and suggesting he's capable of doing it. You seem to have a problem making that distinction. It's also reasonable to think that the daughter has occasion to use the wife's bathroom, because no matter what you call it, bathrooms aren't usually exclusively used by one person.



inmyprime said:


> And it's technically the same type of crime as having all these VARs and tapes installed everywhere else, as recommended on CWI forum for a cheating spouse (bathrooms excluded, perhaps. Although who knows where they put those things).


Tape recorders don't take pictures, you do realize that don't you? Even if a VAR was placed in a bathroom the most you'd get is some grunting and farting which, while not all that interesting is more importantly not ILLEGAL. 



inmyprime said:


> She should give him a chance to explain himself properly


She did. She said she tried to ask him about it "in depth" and all she got was him saying he loves her and begging her for forgiveness.



Wally79 said:


> I tried to go deep but he just says that he loves me. Suppose he deletes the pics but I can say it's true.... I think he uses it to masturbate and I'm sure he watches porn


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## 269370

browser said:


> There's a big difference between accusing the pervert of molesting and/or videotaping his daughter and suggesting he's capable of doing it. You seem to have a problem making that distinction. It's also reasonable to think that the daughter has occasion to use the wife's bathroom, because no matter what you call it, bathrooms aren't usually exclusively used by one person.


You wrote previously:
"He's probably taken pictures of your daughter and shared those too."

I would say this is a little stronger than just a suggestion and this mentality is THE ONLY THING that I had an issue with.

But you are right on the whole and I agree that if there is ANY chance that the cameras would have picked anyone else up, by mistake or not, this is a major risk and a terrifying thought.
However I would expect she would have found something other than a picture of her bum by now, since she went through his stuff. Wasn't it taking place over many years?

Originally Posted by Wally79:
"I tried to go deep but he just says that he loves me. Suppose he deletes the pics but I can say it's true.... I think he uses it to masturbate and I'm sure he watches porn"

Well, that, to me, is not in the same league...and something they should first try to figure out together in my opinion.


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## sixty-eight

browser said:


> It's also reasonable to think that the daughter has occasion to use the wife's bathroom, because no matter what you call it, bathrooms aren't usually exclusively used by one person.


This ^^ a million times this. 
:iagree:

Best case scenario, she would prefer not to be on camera, and there is a large risk of others being photographed/videoed in a private master bath with a motion activated camera. My girls use my bathroom frequently if someone is in the main bathroom. I have never lived in a house where I had a bathroom for my own private use always, unless I lived alone. Worse case scenario, in a ground floor household bathroom he could be getting pics of friends, neighbors, daughter, daughters friends.

It's a dealbreaker violation of privacy. No matter how you frame it up.


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## Starstarfish

Would you willing let your wife go to a house or send your teenage daughter to a house where someone was up to this? They just need understanding right?

That's really the question that needs to be asked. Because this isn't high tech spy equipment here, I'm guessing it's running all the time meaning it's catching anyone who is in the bathroom ... including possibly the husband's own elderly mother. Which, WTF honestly.

So what would exposing to the in-laws fix? Sure as hell bet it would stop cameras in the bathroom after that awkward conversation at the breakfast table. 

As for what he is or isn't doing with the photos or pics afterwards. Doesn't matter. She's told him it bothers her, he keeps it up anyways. Which means at minimum he gives zero about her opinion or her feeling of security and safety in her own home. And that's just whack.


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## Cooper

Inmyprime I always try to look at both sides of an issue, sometimes I will argue an opposing view just for the sake of getting others to open their eyes to "what if"

The thing you are missing in this scenario is the wife caught the husband doing this back about six months ago. She confronted him, told him it creeps her out, told him to stop it. But he didn't…what he did was go subversive and escalated his platform, instead of just sneaking pictures of her in bed now he has hidden cameras in places the wife expects privacy, he has escalated from still pictures to videos. Simply by chance I would imagine the daughter could have ended up being taped. 

It can't be called a fetish because he is now harming others, it has become perversion. So yes his perversion has escalated, yes he is violating his wife's privacy and showing a total disregard for her wishes. Yes he is endangering his daughter and possibly violating her privacy as well, and possibly friends who wonder in front of one of his cameras. He has crossed the line, it is as simple as that. The OP should be very concerned about protecting herself, her daughter and their right to privacy. Good husbands don't treat their wife this way, good husbands show respect and concern for their family, good dads would never ever compromise their child's welfare. 

In this case their is no validity arguing his side, he is wrong.


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## 269370

She needs to find out exactly what he's up to and verify it by getting hold of as much data as she can herself from his devices. It can't be that difficult if she keeps finding them. Not only to understand what she is dealing with but also, as I wrote, she may have a duty to report him to the authorities if she has reason to suspect there is anything worse.
I am probably missing something but there was never any suggestion by the OP that there could be anything more than 'pics of my bum' on his devices. There is creepiness and there are criminals and depending on facts, this requires different courses of action.

My worry is that she may not do any of this because of financial dependence, as it seems to be the case, given that it has been going on for years.


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## 269370

Cooper said:


> Inmyprime I always try to look at both sides of an issue, sometimes I will argue an opposing view just for the sake of getting others to open their eyes to "what if"
> 
> The thing you are missing in this scenario is the wife caught the husband doing this back about six months ago. She confronted him, told him it creeps her out, told him to stop it. But he didn't…what he did was go subversive and escalated his platform, instead of just sneaking pictures of her in bed now he has hidden cameras in places the wife expects privacy, he has escalated from still pictures to videos. Simply by chance I would imagine the daughter could have ended up being taped.


One of the things that makes advice on CWI threads (and I read many) so useful is the huge extrapolation from seemingly unrelated facts (which often turns out to be true or much worse).
In normal walks of life, this would be considered prejudice or paranoia but for some reason, it works for victims on CWI. Maybe this is because there is a common behavioural pattern that can be read by many who have been through this. In any case, maybe it's because you guys have a better nose for these things.
I don't have this experience and so I better stop with unhelpful and confusing comments.


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## Wally79

Thanks everyone for your input. I think I'm gonna call the police first and go from there. I checked the kids bathroom and never found anything suspicious. Luckily my daughter has never ever used the master bathroom for showers and my in laws have their own apartment attached to my house.
Somebody said that I must enjoy being a victim but I swear to you that is not true. I really feel stuck in this situation. I'm a very simple person and I'm not looking to get a luxury apartment for myself, however rent in my town is really expensive and one lawyer suggested not to go too far or I could loose custody of the kids. The school here are really good he said. Moving in a section 8 type of place won't help me.

I worry about my in laws too because they are the nicest people you'll ever meet. I hope they never find out what his son is doing.

I will keep you guys posted. Thanks for taking your time to read this


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## ABHale

You can try running a picture of yourself on a facial recognition site to see if there are any hits.


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## GuyInColorado

Why wouldn't you expose him to his parents? Why do you want to protect him? I think you need some counseling too, this isn't normal.

You need to expose this to EVERYONE! No one should let this creep into their homes or let their kids go anywhere near him. You are protecting a sexual predator.


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## Wally79

Can you give me a website? Thanks


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## Wally79

The police came over yesterday and didn't find anything in the kids room. They are conducting an investigation but I really believe he's obsessed with me


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## 3Xnocharm

Good for you!


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## Ursula

Wow, there are so many things wrong with this picture. 

First off, your in-laws are not your responsibility; they would go live with your husband after divorce/separation. They don't have to move; he can buy out your portion of the house, and continue living there with them. 

Secondly, I don't know your entire story, but with what you just posted here, I would say to NOT even consider separating but living in the same house. I personally wouldn't trust your husband as far as I could throw him, which probably wouldn't be far. He sounds like he has a few sexual perversions, and I also wouldn't trust him around a 14 year old girl (your daughter). It would be more traumatic for her to be photographed like you have been, than it would be to live in a separate house from her father. 

Personally, I would get out sooner rather than later!




Wally79 said:


> Hello again,
> It's been a while since I posted here. A while ago I shared my story about my husband's obsession with taking pictures of my private parts while I'm sleeping.
> On Mother's Day I found 2 spy cameras in my bathroom and I was furious and almost moved out. He cried and cried asking for forgiveness, saying that he learned his lesson.
> Couple of months ago I found an iPod with pics of my butt! But I haven't sayed a word. Everyday I find more stuff, like spy cameras, a millions of different charges, portable hard drivers, a laptop that I never see him using it, and so on.
> This time I want to file for separation. I don't wanna press charges against him because our first daughter is 14 years old and that would be traumatic.
> For those of you going trough divorce or separation and have small children, not enough money to be on your own, not family members close, HOW YOU DO IT?
> Selling the house now is not possible. I have my in laws too and I can't make them move again. They're in late 70s!
> It is really possible to be separated under the same roof?? I don't like the idea but my shift starts early in the morning and my son is only 4. I don't wanna leave him here, even thou my husband is overalll a good father.
> I feel stuck in a hole😞
> Any advise is greatly appreciated and thanks for reading this.
> ( no marriage counseling )


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## Ursula

If he put cameras in a washroom, then there's a good chance that their daughter has been filmed though, especially if that's the only washroom in the house. A couple others have mentioned other friends and family members, and yeah, the same goes with them, unless when they visit, they're able to hold their urine for a few hours. 



inmyprime said:


> You are insinuating that because he is filming his wife, his daughters must therefore also be in danger and accuse me of re-framing the narrative?
> Never mind.
> Btw i'm in no way condoning his actions (it's wrong, if the other person doesn't know about it) but I cannot stand it when people jump to ridiculous conclusions for the sake of it. I'm just offering an alternative possibility to help & get over the initial (justified) shock and perhaps have a proper conversation before tearing family apart. The latter can always be done, but never be undone.


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## browser

Wally79 said:


> The police came over yesterday and didn't find anything in the kids room. They are conducting an investigation but I really believe he's obsessed with me


What DID they find?


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## Wally79

They didn't find anything. They are trying to find out if he was posting them online.


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## threelittlestars

What does he have to say for himself being investigated like this?


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## Wally79

He doesn't know yet.


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## Hope1964

Wally79 said:


> They didn't find anything. They are trying to find out if he was posting them online.


Are you saying they found zero cameras in the entire house?


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## 269370

Can I ask a different question: has your husband ever asked to either have or take nude photos of you or film during sex? Or have you noticed any other potentially strange behaviour?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Wally79

Yup. They only found bunch of different charges probably for the cameras


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## Wally79

No he never asked me. 
Few months after we were married I found bunch of porn tapes of sleeping women being touched and photographed.
I told him that he should have been honest with me about his fantasies because I couldn't never do that. But he instead that were just fantasies and not a problem.


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## 269370

Never do what? You mean if he did anything like this to you? Or live with him when he's enjoying that type of porn?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## MrsAldi

.


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## 269370

Here we go again...
This site is supposed to help people overcome marital issues. Baseless extrapolation is not helping.
If he was into necrophilia, she would know it by now.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 225985

.


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## Starstarfish

> If he was into necrophilia, she would know it by now.


Because obviously this guy is super honest and forthcoming, right?


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## 269370

blueinbr said:


> .




If you don't like what I post, please put me on ignore.
I'm not going to let moronic comments stand. It is my right to respond to comments. And I have never made any ad hominem attacks. I expect others to behave in the same way.

Ps: ok I see you have deleted your post.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Lila

Bottom line OP......if what your husband is doing is not to your liking, and you've asked him to stop, and he's basically wiped his a $$ with your requests for respect, then you have two choices 1) leave him or 2) put up with his complete disregard for your personal boundaries. That's it. 

It's not your responsibility to accept his kinks if they don't fall in line with your boundaries. 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## 269370

Starstarfish said:


> Because obviously this guy is super honest and forthcoming, right?




No he has not been forthcoming. It doesn't automatically mean that he films his underage daughter in the shower, or his MIL going to the toilet, has sex with corpses or trades illegal material online.
Someone from TAM ought to remove this rubbish because it is essentially slander.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Starstarfish

> No he has not been forthcoming. It doesn't automatically mean that he films his underage daughter in the shower, or his MIL going to the toilet, has sex with corpses or trades illegal material online.


No it doesn't automatically mean anything, but it could. Same as always having reasons to "work late" and being paranoid about watching your phone doesn't automatically make you a cheater, but it does raise some serious questions.

His behavior raises some serious questions - the kinds of questions or conclusions we are pondering. There's no guarantees to anything anyone says on here. That's the nature of an anonymous forum board. So if your idea is to fight every conclusion or thought or concern with no guarantee all across TAM, you better set some serious time aside for the task. However, as someone did note, I think eventually the mods might or might not get agitated with you diving in just to pick fights with other posters and not actually addressing the OP. 



> Someone from TAM ought to remove this rubbish because it is essentially slander.


Or maybe you should counter with an actual thought on what the OP should do with a spouse where she's told him this bothers her and she doesn't like and he doesn't care. All the deep navel-gazing about what is or what isn't his motivation doesn't change the fact it bothers her and he doesn't seem to care. So whether it's a fetish or something weirder in the end - it's still a problem.


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## 269370

Starstarfish said:


> No it doesn't automatically mean anything, but it could. Same as always having reasons to "work late" and being paranoid about watching your phone doesn't automatically make you a cheater, but it does raise some serious questions.
> 
> 
> 
> His behavior raises some serious questions - the kinds of questions or conclusions we are pondering. There's no guarantees to anything anyone says on here. That's the nature of an anonymous forum board. So if your idea is to fight every conclusion or thought or concern with no guarantee all across TAM, you better set some serious time aside for the task. However, as someone did note, I think eventually the mods might or might not get agitated with you diving in just to pick fights with other posters and not actually addressing the OP.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Or maybe you should counter with an actual thought on what the OP should do with a spouse where she's told him this bothers her and she doesn't like and he doesn't care. All the deep navel-gazing about what is or what isn't his motivation doesn't change the fact it bothers her and he doesn't seem to care. So whether it's a fetish or something weirder in the end - it's still a problem.




The first thing I did was offer solutions, based on MY interpretation of events. I was immediately accused of the same crimes as OP's husband was getting accused of.

It was I who suggested to call the police in the event that there is a possibility that the daughter might be involved. It was I who suggested that if it is a harmless fetish (like wanting to have a nude pic of your wife or caressing her while she is asleep) that they could either try and incorporate it into their love life or discuss it. 

His wife already stated that she is sure that his obsessions end with her. The police haven't found anything (though if there is still doubt, they should take the computers/hard drives for tech forensics as well as monitor his net activity).

Yes you are right. I don't have time to respond to every crap people post here.

So feel free to take over this mental asylum.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Openminded

Maybe it's only the "unaware" part of it all that your husband enjoys?


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## MattMatt

inmyprime said:


> The first thing I did was offer solutions, based on MY interpretation of events. I was immediately accused of the same crimes as OP's husband was getting accused of.
> 
> It was I who suggested to call the police in the event that there is a possibility that the daughter might be involved. It was I who suggested that if it is a harmless fetish (like wanting to have a nude pic of your wife or caressing her while she is asleep) that they could either try and incorporate it into their love life or discuss it.
> 
> His wife already stated that she is sure that his obsessions end with her. The police haven't found anything (though if there is still doubt, they should take the computers/hard drives for tech forensics as well as monitor his net activity).
> 
> es you are right. I don't have time to respond to every crap people post here.
> 
> So feel free to take over this mental asylum.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


*MODERATOR NOTE:- *

@inmyprime

The wonderful thing about TAM is that coming here is voluntary. But when people do come here, they are expected to abide by the rules.

One of which is to treat other members with respect.

Please do so in future.


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## xMadame

DISCLAIMER: I ONLY READ FIRST POST.

Taking a picture of someone without their knowledge or consent is sexual assault.

Being married does not give someone a free pass.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## browser

inmyprime said:


> I don't have time to respond to every crap people post here.
> 
> So feel free to take over this mental asylum.


When you find yourself thinking that everyone ELSE is crazy, it might be time to take a look in the mirror.

Just say'en.


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## Cooper

browser said:


> When you find yourself thinking that everyone ELSE is crazy, it might be time to take a look in the mirror.
> 
> Just say'en.


Browser I have asked you NOT to post pictures of me on the internet!!!


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## 269370

This is a message for @Wally79. I sent her a private message but I am not sure it reached her because it doesn't show up in my Sent messages box. Maybe my account was put on "limited activity" by mods or something else, I am not sure.
I am not responding to any troll posts and this is my last message on this thread. I just want to make sure the post reaches the OP.

Hi, I just wanted to say that I am sorry the way the other thread has gone. I am writing a private message because I don't think there is anything I can write on the public board on this topic without getting attacked by a horde of trolls and it doesn't help your situation in any way if you waste your time reading petty posts.
I am also writing because it always breaks my heart to see a break-up of a long-lasting marriage, especially if there are children involved. You have to understand that these boards are often dominated by people who have either been dumped or cheated on or the feminist brigade shows up from time to time who view any male sexual fantasy as a perversion so I worry you may get a very one-sided perspective and make a rash decision that you might regret later.
What your husband has done (and if I understood it correctly, he has obtained intimate photos of you without your knowledge), is very wrong and he definitely crossed a line. He not only invaded your privacy but also broken your trust. I realise it must be difficult for you to see past this because once you see someone in a different light (as a pervert) it is almost impossible to undo this image.

If there is any part of you that wants to salvage the marriage, you should really try counselling with him. (I realise it may be already too late for this). 
I am just going to go out on a limb (be aware that I may be off the mark: you are much better placed at finding out what the real deal is) and voice just one possibility of what might be going on: he may have difficulties communicating his desire for you and also feels embarrassed communicating things that turn him on. A lot of people have sexual fantasies that they find impossible or very difficult to communicate either because the know they will be rejected or made fun of by their spouse.
If those fantasies can be communicated and discussed, it can help both partners overcome frustration and lack of trust (as long as those fantasies don't harm anyone: in your case, it is a grey area at the moment because it is not clear what motivations he may have had in mind. He may have wanted to have a nude photo of you but was too embarrassed to ask for it in the first place or he knew you would never let him take one or he could have a fantasy, like performing sexual acts on you while you pretend to be asleep (this is actually one of my wife's fantasies sometimes and something that is pretty common and fairly low down on the spectrum of kinks; it's to do with giving up control or taking control, if it's initiated from the other side). Many couples enjoy all kinds of kink and it's all about communication and trust and willingness to try things out (I am not saying you should try anything out that you are not comfortable with but it's always good to understand where the other person might be coming from.

There may be trust issues in your relationship which may prevent both of you discussing ideas and sexual preferences with each other. It doesn't automatically mean that he is a criminal or a total pervert. And I really worry because on the thread, every person is basically shouting "pervert!" and it means that there is only ONE WAY how this is going to play out: you are going to leave him and break up your family. I am not saying this is the wrong decision and it could be that he may really be a pervert and a criminal. Although if you have been together with him for 15 years, I think it would have manifested itself MUCH earlier on in your relationship. (It is usually easy to tell form the kind of porn he likes to watch, what really turns a guy on.)

Anyway, whichever way you decide to go, I just want you to be aware of all the possibilities because you will get a very narrow picture on these boards. I have received a number of private messages of support to say that there's no point arguing a case because some will NEVER see the other point of view, even if factual evidence is against them, and they just come on the boards to argue and wind people up because they have nothing else in their lives also like others to "join their club of misery", as I wrote previously. You just need to look at the "Coping with Infidelity" threads to see what these people are like (and I partly understand where they are coming from: being sceptical and assuming the worst is a protective mechanism and sometimes does pay dividends).

Best of luck to you and your family.


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## Mr.Fisty

xMadame said:


> DISCLAIMER: I ONLY READ FIRST POST.
> 
> Taking a picture of someone without their knowledge or consent is sexual assault.
> 
> Being married does not give someone a free pass.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



I agree. It is illegal and he can get arrested for it. It is no different than filming a stranger or your neighbor's wife without his or her permission. If she did not care about him, he would be in jail at the moment.

Plus, this is multiple times and he seems to lack any self control over it. This is something that should have never been breached by him in the first place. Another point, she does not know what he does with the shiet he has already. If he is illegally passing around her pics and videos to strangers, acquaintances, or if he will use it as revenge porn should she separate. The fact is he is already willing to break the law for his fetish.


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## Wally79

I got your private message, thanks. I sent you one as well


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## turnera

Wally, the first thing that comes to my mind when you discuss in-house separation is that you are removing his addiction - your body - from his grasp. It IS an addiction, meaning the person often has little self control nor ability to prevent escalation of unhealthy or illegal actions. And if he no longer has access to YOUR body, guess whose body his mind may drift to next? 

My H never gave me an inkling of suspicion that he might harm our daughter, but I still never dropped my guard nor set up any situations in which he might be tempted. If you 'separate' (I don't know why you're not just divorcing) without leaving that home, you're putting your daughter in danger, given his addiction and illegal actions.


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