# Hand job



## K1WEST1 (Mar 26, 2010)

I do not like giving blow jobs never have. I am not comforable with it or good at it. Is there any special techniques for giving a hand job, that would feel just as good to a man? I would really like to give him some special attention without giving a blow job.


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## bumpgrind1 (Mar 29, 2010)

I dunno' about anyone else but I can give myself a handjob. The blow job thing gives me a stiff neck and my wife won't do it either. Personally if it's not something she enjoys I'm not going to be able to get into it either.


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## CaliRN (Jan 2, 2010)

nope, hand jobs will always come second to bj's lol


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

otoh, a hand job from your wife beats nothing  
I'd thin he would at least feel you were showing interest in him.

You never konw maybe pleasuring him in thi smanner will eventually make you a bit more comfortable with oral.

Oh ... and remember, it doesn't break easy.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Um... You might think you're not good at it but I am SURE that he won't mind you practicing until you get it perfect. I can't imagine a guy not willing to give some tips on techniques. Also, there are plenty of instructional videos out there and of course porn. That should give you all the direction you need if you're worried about how you'll perform. 

Like one of the other posters said... I can give myself a handjob and honestly better then my wife does. But that probably has to do with a number of factors. I don't mind a handjob and I think it can be very pleasurable but for me personally I want to be able to touch my wife while she's doing her thing. 

Start by using gentle touches, tickling his thigh and then balls and penis with your fingers or lightly with your nails. Kiss him over his body while you do that. Kiss him on the mouth while you're touching him. As you're kissing his body move yourself down and rub your bare breasts on his penis. By this time I would expect he'll be hard and you can start stroking him with your hand. Have some lube handy as well to apply. That will intensify the feeling for him. As you're stroking him do things like kiss him on the lips passionately or encourage him to suck your nipples and touch your breasts. The reason I do not like handjobs is because they're very 'clinical' and I can't really touch her while getting it. But if you can, letting him touch your breasts will help keep him aroused. Even better would be to have him on his back and maneuver yourself onto your belly so your ass is facing him and have him finger you while you give him his handjob. You could always make it mutually beneficial and have him use a toy on you while you're working on him.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

K1WEST1, my wife is medically unable to give BJs. She was born with a cleft pallet and she cannot form suction in her mouth (her nasal passages are open directly to the roof of her mouth). She is also unable to open her mouth for a long time because of issues with the cp and muscles in her jaw.

That being said, she has found inventive ways around it! There are things a wife can do with her body that can make a man wild. Be inventive, use breasts, tongue (if you are comfortable), fingers, thighs, clothes, etc.

I guess the base question is why are you uncomfortable with it? Is it only because you are afraid of hurting him? Or, afraid of doing a "bad" job? Or is it something totally different?


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

There's just something about having your penis between a beautiful woman's lips....hand jobs just aint the same, I think most of it is mental not physical though, as a guy I feel like my wife wants me when she's giving me head..especially when she's enjoying herself doing it, it's pretty hot. Hand jobs are ok now and then but usually only for foreplay, you gotta go BJ to finish it off..
Maybe start by not taking it all the way in your mouth, maybe just do the licking and sucking at the top while giving a hand job, that feels alright too...


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## Cdn Hubby32 (Dec 4, 2009)

I get none of the above.

NO BJ NO hand jobs...


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## Chowderhead (Apr 27, 2010)

Hand jobs are much trickier to give than blow jobs, IMHO as a guy. Most hand jobs come off (in my personal opinion) as either too gentle or too rough, as it's hard for the giver to feel what's right.

Meanwhile, your tongue and lips have a natural softness and wetness that your hands don't have... which is why, as someone else said, getting a blow job is one of the great pleasures in life! So maybe you should consider it for a special occasion?

However, there is one hand job technique that works well for me, and provides you the opportunity to show your body off to him while you do it (which naturally increases the excitement). It's called the basketweave, and here is a description: Instantly Iconic | Blog | Explaination of the Basket Weave Technique as mentioned by Lisa Rinna on the Howard Stern Show

By the way, you MUST use lubrication otherwise this will feel like sandpaper (in my experience). Try Astroglide, especially the thicker/gel-like kind. And smile and feel sexy while you're doing it. It makes a difference.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

K1WEST1 said:


> I do not like giving blow jobs never have. I am not comforable with it or good at it. Is there any special techniques for giving a hand job, that would feel just as good to a man? I would really like to give him some special attention without giving a blow job.


If you're going to continue to deny him a BJ then get a toy that simulates a BJ. A handjob will rarely if ever come close to a BJ but the toy may help.


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## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

The art of making love 101.
Love= thinking of others before yourself. The blow job isn't about you or your ability to perform such act, but it is about you pleasing your husband. I do understand oral is not for everyone but I believe you just choose not to b/c you don't want to. Do you cook? clean? make the bed? Are you good @ all those things? Do you enjoy them all? 
I hate working in the garden but every year I spend countless hrs doing the work, when fall rolls around I have nice fresh veggies. I do the work, I reap the benefits.
I am not telling you BJ's are the answer, or you have to do whatever he wants b/c there are things I won't do, but what I am saying is there is a reward @ the end, there is satisfaction when doing something for your spouse you're not crazy about.
Try putting a menthol cough drop in your mouth, he'll go crazy and the surprise @ the end won't be so bad.
Mouse


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I'm the Lone Ranger here, but when I was married, I loooved hand jobs. I can't explain it, it's just a mental thing that i can't explain. 
One key is to treat it like a main event, not just something you do on the side until it's time for something better. My wife and I would give it as much attention as intercourse. Have that look of interest in your eye and rock his world.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

southbound said:


> I'm the Lone Ranger here, but when I was married, I loooved hand jobs. I can't explain it, it's just a mental thing that i can't explain.
> One key is to treat it like a main event, not just something you do on the side until it's time for something better. My wife and I would give it as much attention as intercourse. Have that look of interest in your eye and rock his world.


A hj or bj is not equivalent to full sexual contact where both partners are being fulfilled. It is easy to say the "if you love him you would_____" fill in the blank with what ever the latest thing that men now seem to require to feel loved. But what is happening is that the woman is required to demonstrate her love in a way a man is never asked to do. How many men would give their partners oral and not expect an orgasm themselves? It does not happen, but if you love her you would you do that? If not why is a woman expected to demonstrate her love by sex acts? 

I think that a whole alternate reality has grown up around a woman giving a man an orgasm with no expectation of any satisfaction for her. It is an intensely pleasurable act, that needs the cooperation of the woman, and requires her to do it with no expectation of her satisfaction. Not only that but she is expected to do it with theatrical relish and all the swallowing stuff. So how do you get one person to agree to do what is essential a service - use guilt, (if you love him), threats (if you don't do it some women will), coercion, badgering, anger, demands, manipulation, out and out force. In order to do this with a strait face, a man would have to feel entitled to this service. My question is why? How many times and ways does a woman need to give a man an orgasm to show her love? How did it happen that he is entitled and she not? As with anything that benefits one person and requires the labor of another to supply it, there has to be some incentive for the giver. If there is none then reality distortion is put to use to convince the giver that they should give and not receive. 

For me bj are fum, when I am aroused, it would never happen if my husband asked me to do it and has not even kissed me, I would feel like I am servicing him. That means I am turned on, and I have had orgasms before, I have been held and touched. There is no such thing in our marriage as just give him a bj if I am "cold". That is a big mistake. If my H expected me to sevice him to show my love I would not be showing much love. My husband does not ask for bj, he never has, I learned what to do from him and I do it when the mood strikes us. Sometimes he wants penetration and will stop me before he cums or we go all the way. But it is not something I do for him to show my love we have sex to show our love for each other. I don't think I need show any extra love by sex acts. I don't feel I need to give him orgasms and be frustrated, where does that belong in a loving relationship. 

I think the resistance to bj in long -term relationships is due to the expectation on the part of some men to have his partner give him an orgasm and forgo her satisfaction. However, ifjmt is part of lovemaking where the woman is satisfied and turned on then it is easy to do. But, the way some men seem to expect it is that the woman should just do it cold no warm up for her. No matter how much distorted reality is built up around this act, it obviously works very poorly in the long-term . The reason is that if one person feels entitled, they see no reason to be appreciative, in fact they will complain if it is not done exactly they way they think they are entitled to have. I think if a woman is asked to give a blow job and forgo an orgasm and touching and affection then she should ask her partner to give her oral and then cuddle and no orgasm for him. Every time he want a service he has to give her a service, I think that men will get to feel what it is like to have these demands placed on them. 

I think women are learning to turn it around to show men how it feels, if they want a service as a show of a womans love then they should be willing to provide the same. . This is better than just not giving them and remaining silent about how much resentment is engendered by the expectation that a woman must show her love by giving a service. It may seem unfair to men that they stop but it is unfair that a woman needs to provide a service in order to be considered worthy of love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> A hj or bj is not equivalent to full sexual contact where both partners are being fulfilled. It is easy to say the "if you love him you would_____" fill in the blank with what ever the latest thing that men now seem to require to feel loved. But what is happening is that the woman is required to demonstrate her love in a way a man is never asked to do. How many men would give their partners oral and not expect an orgasm themselves? It does not happen, but if you love her you would you do that? If not why is a woman expected to demonstrate her love by sex acts? _Posted via Mobile Device_



I didn't go into detail, but I always returned the favor with my hands or with oral; that is why we made it a main even. I can't explain it, but we didn't always need intercourse; we both loved hands. I think we enjoyed taking turns and bringing each other to orgasm.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

southbound said:


> I didn't go into detail, but I always returned the favor with my hands or with oral; that is why we made it a main even. I can't explain it, but we didn't always need intercourse; we both loved hands. I think we enjoyed taking turns and bringing each other to orgasm.


Oh no I got what you meant; that is the way my H and I enjoy oral, in the context of lovemaking when we are both aroused. He does not like hj.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jerwings (Mar 12, 2011)

I think hand jobs are more exciting than bjs. When your lady has you in her hand, its wonderfully more personal. The two of you can even kiss each other as you both recieve manual stimulation. For this guy,...thats a real turn on.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Both is fine with me.
Love a good BJ though with balls as well.


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

When my wisdom teeth denied me the physical ability to provide there, the boobies did the trick


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## Thunderman (Sep 27, 2010)

Obviously to each their own, but I'm a little amazed that there are a lot of guys on here who don't enjoy a nice, well lubed, oily, sensual handjob. I would have to say that I'm a HUGE fan of the handjob and while I can easily do that myself, it's usually way more "clinical" when I'm solo. The key (as has been said) is to make sure it's very well lubricated and that you pay attention to every part of him; thighs, abdomen, and all parts of his package if-you-will. It's never a bad thing either to rub your breasts against him while you're taking care of business. 

Something like this can be VERY sexual and sensual and kuddo's to you for exploring new territory.


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## typewittyusernamehere (Feb 12, 2011)

mike1 said:


> Um... You might think you're not good at it but I am SURE that he won't mind you practicing until you get it perfect. I can't imagine a guy not willing to give some tips on techniques. Also, there are plenty of instructional videos out there and of course porn. That should give you all the direction you need if you're worried about how you'll perform.
> 
> Like one of the other posters said... I can give myself a handjob and honestly better then my wife does. But that probably has to do with a number of factors. I don't mind a handjob and I think it can be very pleasurable but for me personally I want to be able to touch my wife while she's doing her thing.
> 
> Start by using gentle touches, tickling his thigh and then balls and penis with your fingers or lightly with your nails. Kiss him over his body while you do that. Kiss him on the mouth while you're touching him. As you're kissing his body move yourself down and rub your bare breasts on his penis. By this time I would expect he'll be hard and you can start stroking him with your hand. Have some lube handy as well to apply. That will intensify the feeling for him. As you're stroking him do things like kiss him on the lips passionately or encourage him to suck your nipples and touch your breasts. The reason I do not like handjobs is because they're very 'clinical' and I can't really touch her while getting it. But if you can, letting him touch your breasts will help keep him aroused. Even better would be to have him on his back and maneuver yourself onto your belly so your ass is facing him and have him finger you while you give him his handjob. You could always make it mutually beneficial and have him use a toy on you while you're working on him.




Definitely need a cold shower after reading that........


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm with Thunderman, with regards to enjoying a good handjob. Especially with lots of lube. Without that, a poorly done one can be painful.

As far as not being able to touch her while she's doing it, there's nothing wrong with a 69 type position. Her head and hands in your midsection area, her midsection towards your head. Full access with whatever you want to use on her. She can lay on her side, one leg raised, or be on her knees, with her ass towards you. 

C


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

jerwings said:


> I think hand jobs are more exciting than bjs. When your lady has you in her hand, its wonderfully more personal. The two of you can even kiss each other as you both recieve manual stimulation. For this guy,...thats a real turn on.


Very good point! Another reason I loved hand jobs!


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

I don't like typical handjobs but we discovered a way that makes it actually extremely enjoyable...

Basically we're both naked and I get on top pretty much missionary position and she lubes me up. She wraps her hands around my member while I thrust back and forth. She can take one hand to play with my balls while I'm pseudo f***ing her. I'm able to be in a position where I can kiss her, play with her tits, etc until I cum. Haven't tried it yet but It would probably work great also if she was on top 'riding' me regular or reverse cowgirl. 

As far as a hand job goes I haven't experienced anything better.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> A hj or bj is not equivalent to full sexual contact where both partners are being fulfilled. It is easy to say the "if you love him you would_____" fill in the blank with what ever the latest thing that men now seem to require to feel loved. But what is happening is that the woman is required to demonstrate her love in a way a man is never asked to do. How many men would give their partners oral and not expect an orgasm themselves? It does not happen, but if you love her you would you do that? If not why is a woman expected to demonstrate her love by sex acts?


??? I'm more than happy being a giver and letting her go to sleep afterwards. I find it very fulfilling. I can take care of myself afterwards. And she like a good HJ herself, now and then -- no better way to understand the geography of the vagina.




Catherine602 said:


> I think that a whole alternate reality has grown up around a woman giving a man an orgasm with no expectation of any satisfaction for her. It is an intensely pleasurable act, that needs the cooperation of the woman, and requires her to do it with no expectation of her satisfaction. Not only that but she is expected to do it with theatrical relish and all the swallowing stuff. So how do you get one person to agree to do what is essential a service - use guilt, (if you love him), threats (if you don't do it some women will), coercion, badgering, anger, demands, manipulation, out and out force. In order to do this with a strait face, a man would have to feel entitled to this service. My question is why? How many times and ways does a woman need to give a man an orgasm to show her love? How did it happen that he is entitled and she not? As with anything that benefits one person and requires the labor of another to supply it, there has to be some incentive for the giver. If there is none then reality distortion is put to use to convince the giver that they should give and not receive.


Catherine, I'm not trying to call you out here, but this is one way in which your understanding of male sexuality shows. The role that a BJ plays in a man's life (understanding that there are, of course, generous exceptions) is often misunderstood by women. They see it as a greedy, selfish act without any redeeming features save the fact it makes their husband feel good. The fact is, giving your hubby head is not just "pleasing" him, it's making him feel validated, appreciated, valued, approved of, heroic, special, and honored, not just loved. It's as close to freebasing masculinity as you can get. It's really very, very important to us. You're not going to understand why, most likely, but the fact is that it transcends simple love and affects just about every other part of our psychology.

And if you're still having difficulty, think of it this way: In the average act of coitus, the male has an orgasm at the end. The woman (if the man knows what he's doing) has likely had several, maybe even dozens.

Consider BJs and HJs as male attempts at reaching Orgasm Parity with women. I mean, if I could have multiple orgasms, I'd never leave the house.



Catherine602 said:


> For me bj are fum, when I am aroused, it would never happen if my husband asked me to do it and has not even kissed me, I would feel like I am servicing him. That means I am turned on, and I have had orgasms before, I have been held and touched. There is no such thing in our marriage as just give him a bj if I am "cold". That is a big mistake. If my H expected me to sevice him to show my love I would not be showing much love. My husband does not ask for bj, he never has, I learned what to do from him and I do it when the mood strikes us. Sometimes he wants penetration and will stop me before he cums or we go all the way. But it is not something I do for him to show my love we have sex to show our love for each other. I don't think I need show any extra love by sex acts. I don't feel I need to give him orgasms and be frustrated, where does that belong in a loving relationship.
> 
> I think the resistance to bj in long -term relationships is due to the expectation on the part of some men to have his partner give him an orgasm and forgo her satisfaction. However, ifjmt is part of lovemaking where the woman is satisfied and turned on then it is easy to do. But, the way some men seem to expect it is that the woman should just do it cold no warm up for her. No matter how much distorted reality is built up around this act, it obviously works very poorly in the long-term . The reason is that if one person feels entitled, they see no reason to be appreciative, in fact they will complain if it is not done exactly they way they think they are entitled to have. I think if a woman is asked to give a blow job and forgo an orgasm and touching and affection then she should ask her partner to give her oral and then cuddle and no orgasm for him. Every time he want a service he has to give her a service, I think that men will get to feel what it is like to have these demands placed on them.
> 
> ...


Wow. I'm . . . I'm not sure I can even comment. But I do understand the issues your having a lot better now. Good insight.


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## bill2011 (Feb 5, 2011)

As a guy I don't care for a HJ , I can do that myself. For me a good BJ is the most wonderful thing a woman can do for her man. It shows she is willing to please her man and it makes us feel appreciated and loved if she is really into it. I of course love to return the favor as well.


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## MardiGrasMambo (Mar 5, 2011)

With all due respect, your response does nothing to answer the question posed. Additionally, you presume that the poster is wanting for pleasure or orgasm of her own when she did nothing to indicate this. Your response seems full of anecdotal evidence based on case studies in your own life. And while some of your advice may be true, I fail to see how anything you said can be deemed helpful. Go back and read the original question...the poster expresses an interest in pleasing her husband, not an interest in procuring pleasure of her own...



Catherine602 said:


> A hj or bj is not equivalent to full sexual contact where both partners are being fulfilled. It is easy to say the "if you love him you would_____" fill in the blank with what ever the latest thing that men now seem to require to feel loved. But what is happening is that the woman is required to demonstrate her love in a way a man is never asked to do. How many men would give their partners oral and not expect an orgasm themselves? It does not happen, but if you love her you would you do that? If not why is a woman expected to demonstrate her love by sex acts?
> 
> I think that a whole alternate reality has grown up around a woman giving a man an orgasm with no expectation of any satisfaction for her. It is an intensely pleasurable act, that needs the cooperation of the woman, and requires her to do it with no expectation of her satisfaction. Not only that but she is expected to do it with theatrical relish and all the swallowing stuff. So how do you get one person to agree to do what is essential a service - use guilt, (if you love him), threats (if you don't do it some women will), coercion, badgering, anger, demands, manipulation, out and out force. In order to do this with a strait face, a man would have to feel entitled to this service. My question is why? How many times and ways does a woman need to give a man an orgasm to show her love? How did it happen that he is entitled and she not? As with anything that benefits one person and requires the labor of another to supply it, there has to be some incentive for the giver. If there is none then reality distortion is put to use to convince the giver that they should give and not receive.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

MardiGrasMambo said:


> With all due respect, your response does nothing to answer the question posed. Additionally, you presume that the poster is wanting for pleasure or orgasm of her own when she did nothing to indicate this. Your response seems full of anecdotal evidence based on case studies in your own life. And while some of your advice may be true, I fail to see how anything you said can be deemed helpful. Go back and read the original question...the poster expresses an interest in pleasing her husband, not an interest in procuring pleasure of her own...
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Her response seems like as reasonable an extrapolation as your opinion is. Re-read her response.


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## MardiGrasMambo (Mar 5, 2011)

Wait, so are you saying that her extrapolation and my opinion of it are both good or that they are both bad? I don't understand your meaning...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Jesus God you people talk too much. There's the problem right there.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

MardiGrasMambo said:


> Wait, so are you saying that her extrapolation and my opinion of it are both good or that they are both bad? I don't understand your meaning...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Equal potential for validity -- or not.


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## MardiGrasMambo (Mar 5, 2011)

Okay, lol...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Its all about attitude! if you have a great excited attitude and actually pay attention to his body language and even ask him playfully if this or that feels good then a hand job can be better than a blow job. 

contriary to popular belief a bad blow job is just not worth it all that comes throught is that you really would not want to be doing it in the first place.


I vote for a loving playfull hand job over a bad blow job anyday of the week.

try ..... handjobadvice .com 

there a girl showing how to do some awsomes moves and she is doing it to a sex toy so its not really porn.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Mardi Gras masks and opera gloves are nice too. Just sayin....


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Mardi Gras masks and opera gloves are nice too. Just sayin....


mask maybe but gloves would be like a condom.I want skin on skin


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## anon_4_now (Mar 23, 2011)

1. USE LOTS OF LUBE!!! Think of him putting dry fingers inside of a dry you... We have the same nerve endings that would much feel moisture than dryness.
2. Lots of eye contact and excitement. Even if you don't get turned on by the act, give us visual clues that you might be.
3. Play with yourself at the same time. We are visual.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

I'm going to echo a number of things other people have said so far:

1) Lube up well.
2) Use both hands.
3) Use your breasts in addition to your hands

You said you weren't "comfortable" with it? Does that mean you just don't enjoy it or that it physically hurts you in some way? Either way, can you do other things with you mouth on his penis, like licking the shaft, or licking or kissing the head? The head is much more sensitive than the shaft, so if you flick your tongue underneath the head, he will probably enjoy that a lot.

If you're not planning on using your mouth at all, then use both hands. You can stack them on top of each other, like you're holding a bat, or interlacing the fingers like you're praying (what a weird image that is for this forum). If they're on top of each other, make sure they're always in contact with both the other hand and your man's penis. Never lose contact with the penis, but when bringing your hands up, make sure the bottom of your hand never goes higher than the rim of his head before pump back down.

And vary your rotation. You don't have to just go straight up and down. Rotate your hands left and right. If they're not intertwined, move them in opposite directions. Imagine that you're molding wet clay on a potter's wheel.

But, if you're just uncomfortable with the idea of having his penis all or part way in your mouth, you can form a seal around the lips of your mouth with your hand so that it forms a tube. If your hand is well lubed and you flick the tip of head occasionally with your tongue, you can "go down" on him without actually taking him into your mouth, and he may not notice. And if he does, he may not mind.

And get creative! Use your breasts. I imagine for most men the blow/hand job is just as much about empowerment as it is about the pleasure. If you squeeze your breasts over his penis or let him straddle you and "t*ttie f*ck" you, it may accomplish the same feeling for him. Or if you engage him by straddling his face so you can work him while he licks you, neither of you may care.

And, yes, I have spent WAY too much time researching this particular activity.

Hope this helps!


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## Stayingunknown (Mar 29, 2011)

I love hand jobs. I enjoy them over blow jobs. It is always great.


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## manatee (Dec 25, 2016)

My wife and I view a hand job as foreplay. I always come back harder and more sensitive the second time around, so a hand job is pretty much always the start of our lovemaking. All the comments about how to do a hand job are pretty much spot on, but when I start to cum she continues stroking until I'm completely done. Then since her hand is now a mess, she rubs her hand all over her tits and lets me finish by licking her fingers. We then move on to me fingering her and rubbing my fingers on her tits, the combination of our juices when I start to lick her tits drives us both wild. This process can go on forever until we are both ready for me to enter her. Bottom line don't view a hand job as the final act, it's just the warm up.


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