# You Haven't Heard of Any Marriage Like This Before, I'm Sure Of It



## freshstart

Ok, where do I start? My husband and I have been together for about 14 years and we are still still young. He had a rough life...grew up with no parents, was stabbed 10 times in his teens, lived in the world - chasing fortune and fame, was screwed over by past women in his life. So I chose him being the naive girl who once looked at the world with rose colored glasses on.

Twelve years later we found Christ and submitted to him. My husband has very strong faith now but I don't believe he plays his role as a husband for example: he doesn't spend time with our children (maybe twice a month), we have separate bedrooms and he locks his bedroom door when he leaves for work, he is protective over his phone and won't let me see it, he doesn't pay any bills or buy any food for our family (we use the money I earn), he rarely tells me he loves me (maybe a few times a year), we do not have sex often (maybe 5 times a year), he is not affectionate at all, we have never been on a vacation that he has paid for, he leaves our home at like 9 in the morning and doesn't return until like 11 at night, he never watches the kids on his own except a few times for max an hour, he doesn't go to church with us anymore but when he does he will leave us and drive separate sometimes, he makes money but only spends it on his business, he calls our marriage a lie, he doesn't save any money but when he does he spends it, he criticizes and ridicules my weight after just having a baby, he doesn't really tell our kids he loves them, he doesn't build my daughters self-confidence, he never does anything that I would like to do. I could go on and on but I believe you get the picture. I am at the point where I have no patience for him anymore...granted I choose him and decided to marry him and sometimes when I am at my wits end, I ask him to commit adultery so we can end this but I know that is wrong. I do pray for him but it's not consistent enough. He says I need counseling...wtf???I know this is the biggest test of my life to stay in this marriage and it's a challenge. HELP...I am currently looking for a counselor to talk to about our issues but they are scarce where we live so I'm looking for advice on here.


I would just like to state, I do not want to hear any negative feedback about my situation. I know it's bad. I am only on here looking for help and constructive criticism. Please respect that. Thank you)))


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## Syrum

Not to be rude, but what good is positive feedback or help that only suits you? if it's not honest and truthful it cannot help you anyway.

I don't think you want help, you want a miracle and for things to magically get better without having to do the hard stuff. When reality is you are all ready living through the hard awful stuff.


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## Jamison

I have a feeling that anything that might be suggested to you, could be perceived by you as negative feedback if its not something you want to hear. 

With that being said, are you looking for people to tell you the truth, but in nice manner? If so I can understand that, BUT lots of things can be perceived wrong when typing on the internet. So remember sometimes its not what another person is saying to you, as it could be how you are perceiving it.


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## CallaLily

You're right, he isn't playing the role of a husband in any way, period. He also isn't acting as if he is a Christ follower either. Seems like he has moved away from Christ. 

Have you sat down with him and had a heart to heart? Have you told him how it makes you feel when he does or says things that are hurtful? Is he aware how you feel about him not spending much time with you and the kids? 

Have you asked him why he leaves at 9am and comes home at 11pm? Is he working? He has for sure disconnected from you all. In your opinion, what do you think is going on with him?


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## trey69

You are his wife and have a right to know what is going on. 

First off you need to get into the room where he stays that he locks. You live in the house, you're paying bills, you have that right, tough if he finds out and it ticks him off. 

You also have a right to know where he is and why he is staying out till 11pm after leaving at 9am. 

You said you asked him to commit adultery so you could get it all over with? Get whatever over with? Is that the excuses needed to end a not so happy marriage? I also see where you stated that was wrong of you to ask him to do.

So my next question to you is, did you ask him to commit adultery before or after you noticed all these changes in him? The reason I ask is, it seems to me that is probably exactly what is going on. 

My suggestion to you is, if he wont come clean on anything and you do want to know, you need to do some things to get to the bottom of it all. If you truly do not want to know what he might be doing or whats going on, then just hand him separation papers and be done with it. If you are looking for him to verbally tell you he is committing adultery, I doubt thats going to happen, I think his actions are speaking loud and clear.


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## 4sure

Where is he from 9am until 11pm?
Why all the secrecy?
Is his business legal?

He maybe committing adultery, you just don't know it.


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## kidcanman

I think you should leave him. You can't hope to change him. It is a mistake that many people make when they are young. They choose a spouse without having a mature understanding of what characteristics are important in a significant other. Who you choose, is who that person is most likely going to be. If he is selfish now than he will, most likely, be selfish in the future. It is possible for a person to change. But you can't count on it. If your husband has been a jerk this long than he is in the dark. It will take something more than a councilor to change him. And the problem is that nobody knows what it will take to wake him up. And IF YOU DON'T KNOW what it will take to wake him up, than it is better for you to cut your losses and assume that YOU CAN'T WAKE HIM UP. Shoot it might take you leaving him for him to wake up. The important thing is that you SHOULD NOT COUNT ON HIM CHANGING WHO HE IS. Like you said, you are mature enough to make a more measured decision now, and you are the one paying for living expenses. Find somebody else; you're still young. Your husband doesn't need to commit adultery; like he said, your marriage is a lie, therefore it is not spiritually binding so to speak.

So either leave him; plan on staying with him the way he is now; or hope that you can find a way to change him. But I'm telling you that although you can hope, you have to understand that as long as you do not KNOW of a way to change him, than you are essentially deciding that you are willing to stay with him the way he is now. Because that is who he is and that is who you chose to marry.


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## Jamison

To the OP, how are things going? Update?


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## kymbree

you are joking right???????????????????


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## freshstart

Thank you all for your responses. I just asked for no negative feedback (ex: he's an a** or he's a loser). I never said no constructive criticism eve if it's harsh. To me, those are two different things. Thanks for your observations though.


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## freshstart

CallaLily,


Yes, we have had several conversations about those things and he usually turns it all back around to me. He does acknowledge the things he does but it he says it takes a strong woman to endure and be patient. I must admit in many ways he has changed from the person I once knew (for good) but those flaws still remain. My view and why I stay with him is because of the rough life he has endured....and I think how could I just walk away knowing these things but then again I say why do we deserve this. The ONLY reason I have not walked away is because I fear the Lord if we get a divorce and that is why I have not left yet. 


When he leaves he is going to his office (our business) which is relatively new and it's pretty much him running it only and I can go there anytime. He is disconnected and in a way I am too but I would never go as far as he has (and that's what makes men - men and women women). After reading everyone's comments it just makes me feel like I should leave but what about God and the Bible. That runs through my mind everytime.


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## freshstart

trey69,

He doesn't think I have a right to know everything that's going on. Some things yes to him but others it's like, why are you questioning everything I do. I can go in the room, I just despise that it's locked. I can easily open it with a screwdriver and he has asked me before but why does it have to be locked. I tell him it bothers me and he will unlock it for some time but then start locking it again. He says it's so our kids don't go in and looking around but I know better. The thing is he is very smart so if he wanted to hide things like cheating or something he has plenty of other places outside the home for that if he chose. 


When he stays out, he goes to work for our business. I can go there anytime.


You posted: You said you asked him to commit adultery so you could get it all over with? Get whatever over with? Is that the excuses needed to end a not so happy marriage? I also see where you stated that was wrong of you to ask him to do. 

My response: In my mind at the time, yes which I know was wrong.

I am taking what you say into consideration but answer me this: What about the promise I made to God. How can I separate with no proof of adultery? I fear the Lord and that's why I have not ended this. Then I look at if I ever want to get married again if I left, I would make that person an adulterer. I am trying to deal with our issues from a biblical view not a worldly view....if it was a worldly view, I would undeniably be gone. Sometimes I ask God for direction and I get the urge to stay but I am not 100% convinced that's God or my own self....but do I want to suffer the repercussions of getting a divorce???? I'm so torn.


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## freshstart

4sure,

Where is he from 9am until 11pm? Working

Why all the secrecy? It's almost always been that way...I was that way in my past but not anymore so it could stem from that too.

Is his business legal? Yes

He maybe committing adultery, you just don't know it...Maybe but I am not sure. I've definitely asked but the answer is no.


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## freshstart

kidcanman,

Thanks for your feedback. I am not looking to change him, only God can do that with a willing heart which he doesn't seem to have at the moment. I am definitely contemplating what you said and even starting to prepare in case I choose that decision. I will ask the LOrd whether it is right or not. I am afraid to disappoint God and I fear the wrath that will come if we decide to divorce so maybe we can do a separation and see how it goes but I haven't left yet because of God and the promise I made in my vows. I take that extremely seriously otherwise, I would have been gone.


You said: They choose a spouse without having a mature understanding of what characteristics are important in a significant other. 

My response: OMG, YES, and words to live by and that's why sometimes I try to justify in my mind if it's okay to leave because when we married, I was a lost soul. I did not know the Lord. I did not allow him to choose my mate for me with awesome qualities. I just followed my weak heart.


The thing is he was being counseled in secret (by my mother which I later found out) and when he was going there was a remarkable change. He was better than I've ever know him but since he stopped going bc he works so much he goes back to some of those past ways....so I stay optimistic that he will return and he has agreed as long as I go for myself (as he states). 

I think you may be right when you say it may be better for me to leave and he may change bc I do know for sure I am being taken for granted.


So, my question to you is: How do you address me fearing God to end this marriage? That is pretty much the biggest reason I stay. I'm curious to hear.


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## freshstart

kymbree

I wish I was but that's not even everything...I just feel like this is the biggest test that God has given me and I am trying to endure and I don't want to fail him by leaving. Him being GOD. I often think of the sacrifice that Christ had to endure for us and that makes me think that I can stay even though things are bad. But the glory comes from my patience and my endurance...I don't know


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## wild_irish_rose

I have a few recommendations for you - 

#1 Read Love Must Be Tough by Dr. Dobson
#2 See if you can get your H to watch the movie Fireproof with you and talk about it together.
#3 Read The Love Dare and The Five Love Languages and attempt to implement them. You never know what they might change.
#4 Join the Yahoo group Divorce_Recovery which is Christian based. Lots of great counsel there even for those who aren't currently divorced.
#5 Find a (female) prayer partner or mentor in your church congregation that you trust to talk to without having your marital problems blabbed all over the church. This has been a HUGE help to me.

I will pray for you. If you ever want to talk privately, feel free to shoot me a message. I can totally relate to what you are going through as far as not knowing what God wants you to do.


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## wild_irish_rose

...


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## southernmagnolia

Sorry that you might not like this but your husband IS an ass, a selfish and cruel one at that.

He in NO way is serving anyone but himself. 

Please get some help to understand how twisted and cruel this is to you and NO MAN has a right to be treating you in such a cruel selfish manner. You are his wife and he is commanded to treat you with kindness and dignity and respect. God does not want you or expect you to suffer this abuse and *it is abuse*. I hope you can see that. Also I hope you can come to understand that it is warped thinking that God requires you to honor this commitment, he does not require one to suffer abuse at the hand of another.


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## striving

Really glad to see wild_irish_rose response. Thanks for posting that, WIR. My marriage isn't any fun either, but I know that God's plan is that we stay together. And I can only trust that His plan is best, even when I can't see why or how. It's not ignorance. It's a choice to follow. Meanwhile I need to improve on looking to Him to fulfill my needs, not putting all those expectations on my husband. It's hard.

Divorce is this world's easy out for a selfish culture. Looks appealing probably, but I can imagine (and I hear) that it's full of pain and other dreaded things. At any rate, I have to trust that somewhere, somehow God will bless us for following His plan and His commands for us.

Meanwhile, in this broken world, life is full of pain. And I'm sorry to hear of your situation in your marriage. I hope things change for the better for you (and for me too, and for all of us who come here to pour out our bleeding and broken hearts!).


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## freshstart

Wow, I am so impressed with wild_irish_rose response response and I thank you so much for it. Striving...your response was amazing and it totally relates to how I feel. I was actually nervous to check the responses here and I waited as long as I could but I am happy I came to read them. wild_irish_rose ...I will definitely follow some of those recommendations.. we did watch Fireproof when it came out and I was in a bible study group and we read The Love Dare...I probably need to read it again though but what keeps me in place and endured are the books: The Bible, Created to be His Help Meet and The Power of a Praying Wife...if not for those book I would be lost in marriage. I am excited to join this other group you mentioned and it would be great to keep in touch with you for support. Thank you so much for offering and for your prayers.


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## freshstart

I am a bit excited to report that I told my husband I sought counseling (which I consider this a form of counseling) and I was advised to leave him. This almost set some type of fire in him to where he is being better than what I explained before. I know it's been a short time but apparently he is going back to counseling to work on his issues first, spending more time with our kids and me, not locking me out of this room, being faithful and displaying his faith (which he already was), being more affectionate. even though he constantly reminds me that I should seek another counselor based on that advice, these changes have taken place.


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## freshstart

Southern mag....I understand why you say what you say. I will consider this. Thanks


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## that_girl

canntinny said:


> Where is he from 9am until 11pm?


So when are you going to post that link to a dress??


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## freshstart

??????


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## RandomDude

I don't know if this will help but here goes... I lived a similar childhood to your husband - it does leave mental and emotional scars. Like your husband I have the potential to be like that - selfish/inconsiderate/etc. I'm not like that with my wife, but I was with many exs in the past.

The thing is, for me I can't love anyone I can't respect, and for me to respect someone it takes a lot of strength on their part - mental conditioning from the streets. He's walking all over you because he knows he can. He can't respect that, and hence he can't love you for that. It may be too late to earn it now though really...


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## cb45

*re·spect*/riˈspekt/Noun: A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. 


Verb: Admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements. 


Synonyms: noun. regard - esteem - reverence - deference - consideration
verb. honour - honor - esteem - regard - venerate - revere 

*hon·or*/ˈänər/Noun: High respect; esteem. 


Verb: Regard with great respect. 


Synonyms: noun. honour - credit - respect - homage - dignity - glory
verb. honour - respect - esteem - venerate - revere - dignify

Not looking to argue semantics here yet, my life experiences have taught me that to honor is greater than to respect someone/something, and therefore should be more earnestly sought/desired.

Respect has become more like "respect" to me. i.e., it has modernized "rap" like meanings to it, as well as the above listed
Wiki def. You can "respect" someone nowadays but not only 
in a positive way; that someone may hold your life in their hands/whimsy/plans/etc, and therefore u "respect" them for 
their considerable influence/impact on your life or quality thereof but not truly honor or esteem them. It appears to me
that MOTIVATION (yours or theirs too) is KEY here.

To me, this doesn't quite "make the grade" for what u r looking
for in a true-blue marriage hue. You want something more, like honor. Though one could make the argument about PRIDE entering the equation here, most folk understand honor to be 
purer in form/understanding (by most). 

Honor is what i seek to give to my God when i worship HIM.
Which makes me realize now, as i write this, that i dont honor
anybody, 'cept God. Perhaps this is as it should be, perhaps not. Think i'll let God be the judge of this/that, and H>S> will
tell me soon HIS answer. Selah.

Love often enters the equation when we speak of honor, more so than fear which, can & often does enter the defintiion for respect, in todays parlance.

What do u truly seek? What is your PRIMARY motivation?
His motivation too, for that matter, counts heavily.

Is it LOVE? Honor? or "just" respect?


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## Loveher

You need to be an advocate for your children, they are learning how to relate to people by your husbands example. You don't need to fear God, most of all he is a God of love and mercy. He doesn't want us to suffer unnecessarily. I believe there are other grounds for divorce, such as emotional abuse.


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## freshstart

Randomude - When I read your reply, it resignated with me even though it brought tears to my eyes bc I feel like this is true. I believe he feels exactly that way. I'm not sure if he will admit it but we will see. If he does, I will leave or separate if I get a confirmation from God to do so. Thx for your perspective...it was most helpful.


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## RandomDude

Darn it, I was hoping I was wrong, because the alternative is very difficult. Earning respect from someone like him or me is very challenging, and it took years for my wife to do so, I even put her through numerous tests, very harsh ones, and was ready to ditch her on the spot if she failed.

Heh... but in truth, ditching her would have been merciful, as many other women I lost respect for them but still kept leading them on. They were nothing to me but tit$ and a$$ to speak. I used them up and justified it easily, the longest relationship I had before my wife resorted to emotional blackmail to keep me from doing anything drastic. 

Hate to say it but it seems your husband married you without first establishing respect. For people from our childhood, our conscience seems to be limited to those who either we care about, such as immediate family, or those who earn our respect, everyone else ain't considered human enough to give a crap about. 

Once the respect is earned however, it's there, and it's there to stay. I don't why this thread is in the spiritual section because in my opinion it's a completely different issue - not always nice to marry ex-crims like us. Converting to Christianity does not mean his issues will go away, in truth it has nothing to do with it. He wants a new life sure, but many of us wanted that too - the changes has to come from within himself. Allowing yourself to be his pawn won't help him however, period.

He has to realise action and consequence, he has to realise that him being an a$$ will lead to more trouble then it's worth. I don't know why you're waiting for a confirmation from God to show him that you won't be pushed around, to show him that you are a human being worthy of respect - and if he doesn't respect you, he can bite the curb.

There was a story once I heard, it's a Christian one but even though I'm not Christian I thought it quite wise; There's a great flood, and one man there had a lot of faith in God to keep him safe. So he prayed to God for his safety as the flood covered the rest of the city. He refused to listen to the warnings however... soon, a boat came in, and offered to take him to safety, but he denied them, and told them "God will keep me safe".

So, the boat left, and over time the flood got worst. After a while a helicopter came by and found him, offering to take him to safety, but he denied them too, and told them "No! God will keep me safe". So the helicopter flew off. The flood eventually drowned him.

But once he got to heaven, he asked God... "God... why the hell did you let me drown! I had faith that you will keep me safe!"
And God replied "I gave out warnings to the whole city, I sent you a boat, and even a freakin' helicopter but you still stayed put!!!"

:rofl:
Of course it's fictional, but it carries a lot of meaning. I think it's time you stop being his doormat, and I believe God has given you enough confirmations.


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## freshstart

RD...I agree with most of what your saying and I posted this under the spirituality thread bc of my spirituality not my husbands. I believe in God's word and was willing to endure as Jesus endured. I was not convinced that even though God knows I am unhappy in my marriage that he would end it. I was optimistic thinking he would change things with willing hearts. Since you stated you are not Christian, you may not be able to relate to this. On the flip side, when I think about the "street way of thinking" then I agree this would not apply but to me that's a worldly view so I try not to focus on that but I know my husband does and I wanted a males perspective as well.

Again, I agree with the respect thing even though I've endured so much so I would think he would respect that I put up with his nonsense when no one else would, everyone else walked away and he has stated that he has appreciated that about me. I was there when no one else was but he still won't respect me so I get it now. Even though this is a very distorted way of thinking, I understand it now thanks to you.


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## RandomDude

Well, endurance is respectable, but you may have to do more then endure him; you have to handle him. My wife does put up with my BS from time to time, but it doesn't mean she just lets it slide. I respect her strength to push on and deal with our troubles, but that's very different from just enduring them. You know what I mean?


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## freshstart

Hey Rd,

No, I don't know what you mean. Can you give me some examples please? What do you mean by handle him? I'm intrigued...lol ...In my past and once in a while I do believe in making a POWER move but that was in my 20's when I was very immature...Please don't tell me I have to do stuff like that again. My H is in his early 40's...like u would think he gets it by now. I am in my early 30's...Seriously!!!!

Also, basically today I told my H I want to separate and that I am going to go back to work and look for a new home/apt. for my kids & I and I guess after hours of thinking about it he called me trying to stay together saying he will go back to counseling to change and things so we will see how this goes. I'm not gonna get excited and I am still going to prepare for moving on jut in case.


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## RandomDude

It's simple really, the thing is my wife is no pushover, but it doesn't mean she threatens to leave or anything. She endures it, but doesn't mean she lets my BS slide. We fought a lot in the past (and I'm waiting for the next one), but it's a growing experience for us. However, it's difficult in your shoes because it's been years. My wife was the way she was from the beginning. He is the way he is also because he knows he can get away with it it seems.


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## gonefishin

Freshstart

One, why do you need your husband to commit adultry to end the marriage? Why would this need to be the catlyst? It sounds like he is not participating in the family.

Owning a business is very stressfull. It is a constent grind. Sometimes you are in your own little world. I know. But I also know I work hard to build my business so my family has nice things. They come first.

Ask your husband if he wants a divorce. If he responds "I do not know do you? Then here is your chance. Tell him what you told us in this post.

If he does not then you have something to work with. He has had a tough life. No parents. He has had no role models to help him be a good parent. He may be struggling with this. If he is, help him.


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## freshstart

Gonefishin...

Thanks for your reply...

1. I just said the commit adultery thing to get my own out with the marrige. I knew it was wrong when I said it. At the time, I was desperate to move on but didn't want to disappoint my God but I know better so this is now irrelevant.

2. Yes, I do know owning a business can be stressful and tough especially when your doing the majority of the work on your own. I have been patient in this and haven't really asked for much. It's also tough raising two kids alone even though your married but still are very much doing it by yourself. 


3. He doesn't want a divorce. Trust me, I've asked many times.


4. My H is aware of all these things. I don't have a problem with communicating these things (good or bad). What I do have a problem with is to constantly say these things and not much changes so then I think, what's the point.

5. Yes, I know his childhood was rough and I understand the mental impact it can have on an individual...and I have had compassion for him since I met him 14 years ago but if you still hold on to these things when you know better and when you offer yourself unto the Lord and you claim you have so much faith and depend so much on God yet use the having no parents issue until your blue in the face when it's convenient for you to make excuses for what you are not doing and you don't do much about it like healing then you have a problem and you should look inward instead of blaming those outward. That is what he does. We all have had trials and I've had my share but I take full accountability for my choices and actions and when I need to grow, I seek the help. I can't just rely on what I didn't get when I was a child and make excuses for the rest of my life. When it's time to stand in judgment with the Lord, I can't say but Lord I didn't o this because remember I didn't have any parents. I will have to stand for the things I had free will over. 


So, we are now going to marriage counseling at a local church. We had our first appt. and it seems to being going good so we'll see.


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## cb45

christian MC.....hopefully the real deal Christian kind.

i.e., Love/bible based/balanced/Honest etc.

Good - Great ! as long as u both adhere & subscribe to God
as "boss" with the "final say" in matters, u'll both come out
stronger than before!


Shalom.


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## Bobby5000

He had a tough life. You too should speak about your marriage. 

1. Talk in a non-accusatory fashion. Ask him if there are things the two of you can work on. Tell him you want him to be happy; I don't think he is happy now. 

2. Try your best for a time, and if it does not work, then start looking at divorce. Sometimes people cannot be together. 


Ok, where do I start? My husband and I have been together for about 14 years and we are still still young. He had a rough life...grew up with no parents, was stabbed 10 times in his teens, lived in the world - chasing fortune and fame, was screwed over by past women in his life. So I chose him being the naive girl who once looked at the world with rose colored glasses on.

Twelve years later we found Christ and submitted to him. My husband has very strong faith now but I don't believe he plays his role as a husband for example: he doesn't spend time with our children (maybe twice a month), we have separate bedrooms and he locks his bedroom door when he leaves for work, he is protective over his phone and won't let me see it, he doesn't pay any bills or buy any food for our family (we use the money I earn), he rarely tells me he loves me (maybe a few times a year), we do not have sex often (maybe 5 times a year), he is not affectionate at all, we have never been on a vacation that he has paid for, he leaves our home at like 9 in the morning and doesn't return until like 11 at night, he never watches the kids on his own except a few times for max an hour, he doesn't go to church with us anymore but when he does he will leave us and drive separate sometimes, he makes money but only spends it on his business, he calls our marriage a lie, he doesn't save any money but when he does he spends it, he criticizes and ridicules my weight after just having a baby, he doesn't really tell our kids he loves them, he doesn't build my daughters self-confidence, he never does anything that I would like to do. I could go on and on but I believe you get the picture. I am at the point where I have no patience for him anymore...granted I choose him and decided to marry him and sometimes when I am at my wits end, I ask him to commit adultery so we can end this but I know that is wrong. I do pray for him but it's not consistent enough. He says I need counseling...wtf???I know this is the biggest test of my life to stay in this marriage and it's a challenge. HELP...I am currently looking for a counselor to talk to about our issues but they are scarce where we live so I'm looking for advice on here.


I would just like to state, I do not want to hear any negative feedback about my situation. I know it's bad. I am only on here looking for help and constructive criticism. Please respect that. Thank you)))[/QUOTE]


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## PBear

Bobby5000 said:


> He had a tough life. You too should speak about your marriage.
> 
> 1. Talk in a non-accusatory fashion. Ask him if there are things the two of you can work on. Tell him you want him to be happy; I don't think he is happy now.
> 
> 2. Try your best for a time, and if it does not work, then start looking at divorce. Sometimes people cannot be together.
> 
> 
> Ok, where do I start? My husband and I have been together for about 14 years and we are still still young. He had a rough life...grew up with no parents, was stabbed 10 times in his teens, lived in the world - chasing fortune and fame, was screwed over by past women in his life. So I chose him being the naive girl who once looked at the world with rose colored glasses on.
> 
> Twelve years later we found Christ and submitted to him. My husband has very strong faith now but I don't believe he plays his role as a husband for example: he doesn't spend time with our children (maybe twice a month), we have separate bedrooms and he locks his bedroom door when he leaves for work, he is protective over his phone and won't let me see it, he doesn't pay any bills or buy any food for our family (we use the money I earn), he rarely tells me he loves me (maybe a few times a year), we do not have sex often (maybe 5 times a year), he is not affectionate at all, we have never been on a vacation that he has paid for, he leaves our home at like 9 in the morning and doesn't return until like 11 at night, he never watches the kids on his own except a few times for max an hour, he doesn't go to church with us anymore but when he does he will leave us and drive separate sometimes, he makes money but only spends it on his business, he calls our marriage a lie, he doesn't save any money but when he does he spends it, he criticizes and ridicules my weight after just having a baby, he doesn't really tell our kids he loves them, he doesn't build my daughters self-confidence, he never does anything that I would like to do. I could go on and on but I believe you get the picture. I am at the point where I have no patience for him anymore...granted I choose him and decided to marry him and sometimes when I am at my wits end, I ask him to commit adultery so we can end this but I know that is wrong. I do pray for him but it's not consistent enough. He says I need counseling...wtf???I know this is the biggest test of my life to stay in this marriage and it's a challenge. HELP...I am currently looking for a counselor to talk to about our issues but they are scarce where we live so I'm looking for advice on here.
> 
> 
> I would just like to state, I do not want to hear any negative feedback about my situation. I know it's bad. I am only on here looking for help and constructive criticism. Please respect that. Thank you)))


[/QUOTE]

You might want to start your own thread. But based on what you've posted, there's a lot of read flags that he's already cheating on you.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samantha heart

yo man nids prayers.wat do u want to do u wanna leave him or wat.e bol is in yo coat.i wud leave


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## The Lurker

freshstart said:


> He says I need counseling...wtf???


You are DEFINITLY not the one who needs counseling. Sorry to hear of your situation. I wish you the best.


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## The Lurker

You might want to start your own thread. But based on what you've posted, there's a lot of read flags that he's already cheating on you.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]


Agreed, and judgeing by what you have said, this might actually be a good thing. You would be free.


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## Bafuna

Wait on the Lord and never compromise on your faith for whatever reason....


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