# Is she cheating?



## Chad0987 (Oct 10, 2017)

Im in a situation. My wife and I have been married for a year now and as far as I know everything is going good. Im 22 she is 24. I received a Facebook message from what Im sure is a fake account saying my friend is sleeping with your wife. I ignored it and showed her and she said geez ignore it people love drama. I received another one this morning saying Im telling ya dude she is. I responded this time and said you have proof. He said she had on a blue bra and his friend pulled her shirt up real quick to show him. Thing is I don?t know what color she had on Saturday. And dont want to ask her cause if she is obviously she would lie. Should I stay quiet and see what these messages keep saying? She does own a blue bra I looked today but should I believe just some random message with out more proof. I asked his name and yes I did find his Facebook but him and my wife arent friends. I dont want to ask to see her phone cause then I will get the OMG you believe some crazy ass on Facebook.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Go to the "coping with infidelity" section and post your story.

Good thread to read if you are unsure of the situation.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

You received a FB message from someone that you don’t know accusing your wife of cheating and her response was, “Pssh, whatever. Some people just love drama...” ...?

_Might_ be worth looking into.


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## tailrider3 (Oct 22, 2016)

Ask him for details of her appearance and the bra? Have you checked the cell bill?


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## Chad0987 (Oct 10, 2017)

He didn?t have much detail beside blue bra and he pulled her shirt up real fast so he could see. He said he left after that cause he knew what was going go down.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Has she shown any changes in personal grooming? Started working out more all of a sudden? Changes in sexual activity, positive or negative? Shaving private areas, bought new panties or bras? Guarding her phone, staying in phone a lot? Distant behavior?
Unexplained missing time?
Trying different positions in bed you've never seen before? 

You'd be stupid not to start investigating. Never accuse until you have irrefutable, indefensible, concrete proof.


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## Chad0987 (Oct 10, 2017)

She has a phone through work also so if she is she is probably using it and no way I could pull up history.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Chad0987 said:


> He didn?t have much detail beside blue bra and he pulled her shirt up real fast so he could see. He said he left after that cause he knew what was going go down.


You’re focusing on all the wrong details.

It’s her reaction that’s the most telling.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Show should have been wanting to get to the bottom of that as much as you. I smell a rat.

But I usually do.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Keep your mouth shut and your ears and eyes open.
Definitely sounds like it's worth looking into. Is she overly physical compared to her past history? That is an indication of over compensation.

Only you can decide to investigate. Not a word unless you have concrete proof.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

have him take a picture with him next time...or better yet find out the next time they will be together and be there to see if it is her..


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

You know your wife better than anyone here. All I will add is that the last two times I suspected cheating after being told by someone, they were cheating. It is amazing how easily we men are to fool. What struck me more than the sex with someone else, since I am not really a monogamous guy, is that the girls lied so easily and I did not bling an eye. I always wonder how many times I told them that I loved them over the phone when they were in bed with another guy. When it comes to sex I have learned to trust no one, not my wife or my best friends. All can betray you easily since you are not expecting it. 

I found out that my fiancé of 4 years was cheating on me by an anonymous letter back in the pre-internet days. I did not want to believe it but when I confronted my girl, she told me the truth for the first time. She had been having an affair throughout much of our engagement. The second girl was having an affair with one of my three closest friends. Another friend tipped me off to something and when I checked it out, I found out she was cheating. My attitude these days is that if it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck and looks like it duck, it is a duck.

I sometimes think that thinking she is cheating is as bad as if she actually is cheating. Your emotions will be the same. Your stomach will knot up when she is away. I do not think a wife should give you any reason to suspect her and boy do they like to turn it around on you and make it seem like you are crazy. I never thought someone I loved could be so callous and conniving but apparently when they have the hots for another guy, they will do anything. Good luck


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## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

Why would someone ramdomly fb message you saying that if it wasn't true. 

Unless they want to cause trouble.

I think she's cheating


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

It could be true, but it might also NOT be true. I wouldn't risk blowing up your marriage until you have more information. If it comes up again, blow it off as some crazy guy making up crap so she isn't too defensive. You want her to think she is getting away with it so her guard is down. Install a VAR in her car and also keep track of when she is gone and where. You could ask the FB guy who she is cheating with and how they know each other. Then, if need be, you can hire a PI to follow her.

When do you think she is cheating? At work? At the gym? Do you travel away from home for work?


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

Chad0987 said:


> Im in a situation. My wife and I have been married for a year now and as far as I know everything is going good. Im 22 she is 24. I received a Facebook message from what Im sure is a fake account saying my friend is sleeping with your wife. I ignored it and showed her and she said geez ignore it people love drama. I received another one this morning saying Im telling ya dude she is. I responded this time and said you have proof. He said she had on a blue bra and his friend pulled her shirt up real quick to show him. Thing is I don?t know what color she had on Saturday. And dont want to ask her cause if she is obviously she would lie. Should I stay quiet and see what these messages keep saying? She does own a blue bra I looked today but should I believe just some random message with out more proof. I asked his name and yes I did find his Facebook but him and my wife arent friends. I dont want to ask to see her phone cause then I will get the OMG you believe some crazy ass on Facebook.




How would you of behaved had some random woman said that about you to her. If it were me.....me and my wife would be looking up to his person and see what their motive was...... Instead your wife blows it off with a "Whatever". Just sounds off and must feel same to you or you would not be posting here. Don't say a thing hing to her just drop it and then start paying attention to her activities. Tell her your phone is on the fritz and you need to use hers.......take it into the bathroom with you and see if she objects...... get sneeky! You are basically newlyweds and already having issues.....get a handle on this now!



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Her reactions alone speaks sheer volumes about whether or not she's actively cheating on you!

But I'm not quite feeling that there's any "not" to it!*


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Someone could have seen her bra straps or cups if she bent over, us guys know we've seen lots of bra covered boobs from women's loose fitting blouses. 
This may be someone messing with you two. 
Where was she Saturday?
How did she act?

If you suspect it, Don't tell her how you know, tell her you know what happened Saturday and that she needs to come clean if she has any hope of working it out, even if you don't.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> You’re focusing on all the wrong details.
> 
> It’s her reaction that’s the most telling.


Dead on.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

If I was accused of this I would certainly do more than just say, "Whatever. Drama." I would want to know who, what and why. Specifically if not TRUE! Your W simply brushed it off so you would follow with a "Like that would ever happen." with a chuckle. Investigate sir.


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## intuitionoramiwrong (Mar 18, 2014)

So the guy who is sleeping with your wife has a friend who pulled her shirt up and saw her blue bra? 

Aside from the cheating thing, why is this guy also touching your wife's clothing?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

chad you might want to remind your wife that you do not tolerate any cheating and you will divorce her ass in a second if she was


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## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

I wouldn't say anything, I would befriend the person telling you this information and ask for more details. 
Has the sex been different or less?


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## a_mister (Aug 23, 2017)

Yeswecan said:


> If I was accused of this I would certainly do more than just say, "Whatever. Drama." I would want to know who, what and why. Specifically if not TRUE! Your W simply brushed it off so you would follow with a "Like that would ever happen." with a chuckle. Investigate sir.


Yeah. We could be wrong, of course, but those sound like the reactions of someone who already knows what it's about and isn't confused at all, just annoyed.

People who forget to fake important parts of their reactions when they're lying rarely realize it.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

You need to look into this, and you need to not talk to your wife about this or let her see this thread. It's time to snoop and to be subtle about things.

Is she constantly on her phone? 
Does she keep it near her pillow when she sleeps?
Does she keep it password protected? 
Has she said, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you?"
Is she away from home a lot outside of normal work hours?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, then I would be very suspicious. If the answer is no to all of these questions, she may not be having an affair, but I'd still keep a close eye on her.

Can you get into her phone when she is asleep?
Do you know her Facebook login information?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Chad0987;

You have had two FB messages. I would ban/block the FB person. You don't need the drama.

Tell you significant other that this warning has happened twice, that you trust her, but you are concerned and would like her to help you get over and put your fears to bed for good. 

Tell her that you don't think she has been cheating and that you have not been snooping into her privacy, but you would like her to be transparent so that you can put this emotional drama behind you.

Ask her if she trusts you enough to show you her cell phone and email records. Tell her you understand that she should have privacy, but that you also need her help in reaching closure on this. 

Good luck.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I would NOT suggest blocking the informant! You have some digging to do, and you don't want to cut off any possible source of information. I can tell you from experience that its pretty rare that people send things like this as a joke or to start trouble. Not without some kind of motivating reason, anyway.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So where did you think she was last Saturday?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

VAR is your friend if you can not get into her phone. maybe a gps on her car. if the car shows up at this "friends" house...you will have your answer.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This is the second brassier bust in a week.

First one was pink, this one is blue.

What I want to know is.

WHO THE HECK IS DOING THE LAUNDRY?

Washing the whites with the colors!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I think you should investigate.

First, say absolutely nothing to her about your concerns or suspicions. Nothing. If she is cheating it will warn her to go deeper underground with it. You need her to be careless if she is cheating so you can discover the true facts. If she is not cheating, you may damage your marriage by showing your distrust. Yes you have every reason to be cautious due to being told she is cheating. However, her reaction if she is not cheating might be deep hurt that you trust some anonymous post on FB more than you trust her. So say nothing.

Second, if you come across anything suspicious or even proving she is cheating, say nothing to her! This is where a lot of betrayed spouses mess up. The cheater will explain away anything you confront them with, even sometimes pictures of them cheating! Anything which is not rock solid proof, she will spin it as she is not cheating. And then she will be much more careful.

The VAR in the car is your best bet.

Also think about who might want to create problems for you and lie about her cheating. While I tend to think chances are low for such a thing, all possibilities should be considered.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> Chad0987;
> 
> You have had two FB messages. I would ban/block the FB person. You don't need the drama.
> 
> ...


OP, do *NOT* cut off your information source and DEFINITELY do not believe a word out of your lying wife's mouth.

Look, people your age (young 20's) aren't generally known for their high levels of maturity, that's just reality. _*However*_, I would think most folks in their early 20's have better things to do than play high school games and 'create drama' just for the FUN of it, like your wife would have you believe.

Seriously, what's the *payoff *for a young adult in their 20's for 'causing drama' between you and your wife? What's the payoff? There _isn't_ one, and that's why you shouldn't ignore the messages you're getting.

*Don't cut off your source.* Do you know HOW many betrayed spouses foolishly ignored the messages when someone was trying to tell them the truth about their cheating spouse? Way too many and they lived to regret it.

And lastly, a lot of folks in this thread have raised the ULTIMATE reason for why you shouldn't blow this off. Your wife's reaction. If someone out of the blue had contacted my husband and told him I was screwing around on him, I'd be livid. I'd make it my business to find out who it was and blast their ass into next week. The LAST thing I'd do is blow it off and claim it's someone trying to 'make drama.'

Don't bury your head in the sand. She's up to something and her reaction proves it.

I'd get that phone from her the first chance you get and start looking through it. But even if you don't find anything on her phone that doesn't mean she's innocent. It's just a good place to start, is all.


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## Chad0987 (Oct 10, 2017)

Thanks for the replys everyone. Havent received and more messages so Im thinking it?s a lie or she is scared now and is staying low for now. When I can I am paying attention to what she wears so if another message comes up and says what she is wearing I will know if it is true or not.


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## Don't Panic (Apr 2, 2017)

Chad0987 said:


> Thanks for the replys everyone. Havent received and more messages so Im thinking it?s a lie or she is scared now and is staying low for now. When I can I am paying attention to what she wears so if another message comes up and says what she is wearing I will know if it is true or not.


Or, she alerted her boyfriend re the fb message you received, and the boyfriend confronted his friend who is warning you via fb.
That would stop the messages. 
Keep QUIET and dig. 
I'm typically not a cynical person, but my instincts suspect you've got smoke with a fire here.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Chad0987 said:


> Thanks for the replys everyone. Havent received and more messages so Im thinking it?s a lie or she is scared now and is staying low for now. When I can I am paying attention to what she wears so if another message comes up and says what she is wearing I will know if it is true or not.


Good idea. Trust but verify.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Chad0987 said:


> Thanks for the replys everyone. Havent received and more messages so Im thinking it?s a lie or she is scared now and is staying low for now. When I can I am paying attention to what she wears so if another message comes up and says what she is wearing I will know if it is true or not.


I think you really need to be more proactive about this. I would be messaging the hell out of your informant looking for more info. Check her phone, FB, messaging apps, etc. Hell, follow her when she leaves, SOMETHING... just keep quiet about it.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Don't Panic said:


> Or, she alerted her boyfriend re the fb message you received, and the boyfriend confronted his friend who is warning you via fb.
> That would stop the messages.
> *Keep QUIET *and dig.
> I'm typically not a cynical person, but my instincts suspect you've got smoke with a fire here.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Definately dig, but make it seem like you are over it. In other words, lull her into a false sense of security and she will let her guard down.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Chad0987 said:


> Thanks for the replys everyone. Havent received and more messages so Im thinking it?s a lie or she is scared now and is staying low for now. When I can I am paying attention to what she wears so if another message comes up and says what she is wearing I will know if it is true or not.[/QUOTE
> 
> there is a minimum number of things you should be doing...
> 
> ...


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Besides all the good advice about investigating (and do read the standard evidence link someone gave to you), I recommend getting tested for STDs. Even if your wife turns out to not be cheating, you need to be proactive in protecting yourself.

If she is cheating? Get the test and have ZERO intimacy with her. If you lie with dogs you get fleas.


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