# What if the common vision changes?



## DKHarb (Nov 29, 2008)

So here it is. We are both great people and there is nothing truely bad to be said. But what if the common vision the two of you shared about your life together has changed. We have only been married a little over a year and the vision has been altered. Because of the change it has caused a rift, which is becoming a canyon between us. It is a long story but I was curious to start a conversation about it


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

DKHarb said:


> So here it is. We are both great people and there is nothing truely bad to be said. But what if the common vision the two of you shared about your life together has changed. We have only been married a little over a year and the vision has been altered. Because of the change it has caused a rift, which is becoming a canyon between us. It is a long story but I was curious to start a conversation about it



that's good, i think, because both partners are growing independent of one another. rift, why, because one doesn't agree with whatever the "common vision" was? it happens all the time in the real world. i interpret "rift" as being a disagreement with your line of thinking. am i right???


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

the vision wil be altered many times in a relationship. ups and downs and the circle is complete, then it disintegrates and then you have to change to either resolve the problem or not.
my canyon at the moment . i have fallen out of love with my H, we are very different in personality, have different goals and outlooks. were totally the opposite in everything. which isnt easy.
but were stil trying to resolve our marriage because we dont feel its worth giving in.
i think you have to look at the problem and communication is key aspect in most relationship developments and getin the kick start again.


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## DKHarb (Nov 29, 2008)

Children or not. I want them and soon. Now she is unsure. Extensive travel abroad for her for work when originally the idea of being local and working near home.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

my H and i in our early days, split up a few times for your very reason. i had just qualified as a nurse and continuously told the world is my oyster.
its that part that made the relationship very hard.
we didnt have children then. 
not being totally the same as your situation. 
we planned both our children, but you never know if your going to concieve a child, until the day it happens.
after a yr together i caught for our 1st , but i stil had this incredible urge to leave to go abroad - H and i (boyfriend at the time) were split up through the pregnancy - split up b 4 i found out.
n e way. when our son was 2. i came into a little bit of money and we had always said we would go to new zealand , the hol was booked and at the time, i felt as though life was about to change.

it did , i realised that the month we had travelling and visiting H family. as lovely as new zealand is. i realised i was a home girl.
i realised i didnt want to live n e where else but my real home and holidays were and have always been holidays.

i certainly wouldnt tell you what to do, but this wil stay in her head and may cause you more strife in the future,(this is where my H and i split up) and if your wish is for children soon, then you have to handle the matter sooner. so that you can move on with eachother or not.
you wil be resented in the future for lack of support and her lack of opportunity and it wil come back to bite most times in an argument.

this is only a suggestion - go with her , where ever it maybe for holiday in the place she wants to work or think thats what she wants.
i think thats your first port of call to think about.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

DKHarb said:


> So here it is. We are both great people and there is nothing truely bad to be said. But what if the common vision the two of you shared about your life together has changed. We have only been married a little over a year and the vision has been altered. Because of the change it has caused a rift, which is becoming a canyon between us. It is a long story but I was curious to start a conversation about it



It depends on the vision !!!
To marry for the vision of having kids and then one person changes their mind kind of change ?
or the we wanted to live in a certain neighborhood 
or live a certain lifestyle but now realize we can't afford it vision?

There are so many visions, some many just be based in dreams !!! and others solid reasons why people marry.
It would really matter if the vision was more a goal or pipe dream !


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

DKHarb said:


> Children or not. I want them and soon. Now she is unsure. Extensive travel abroad for her for work when originally the idea of being local and working near home.



Having children is a big one... that is often the basis of why people marry or don't marry and the partner they choose.

If she waits too long, she may not be able to have them due to complications with things like endometriosis.


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