# Hello new to this site looking for some insight



## LeeToTheKnee

So my and my partner just got into a really big fight a few days ago. We have since somewhat resolved it to the point of kisses and affection again in small increments. But I have been sleeping on the couch for the past three days. I keep telling myself and him that it’s for much needed space, but I don’t know if it’s going to hurt the relationship. I’m hoping the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” saying falls in here and maybe he’ll miss me to the point that he wants me back in the bed but i don’t want to make it seem like i give in so easily. I’m thinking that if I sleep on the couch once in a while it will help benefit the relationship somehow. Will this help or hurt us?


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## BioFury

LeeToTheKnee said:


> So my and my partner just got into a really big fight a few days ago. We have since somewhat resolved it to the point of kisses and affection again in small increments. But I have been sleeping on the couch for the past three days. I keep telling myself and him that it’s for much needed space, but I don’t know if it’s going to hurt the relationship. I’m hoping the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” saying falls in here and maybe he’ll miss me to the point that he wants me back in the bed but i don’t want to make it seem like i give in so easily. I’m thinking that if I sleep on the couch once in a while it will help benefit the relationship somehow. Will this help or hurt us?


I think your lack of communication is going to damage your relationship. Sleeping on the couch so he doesn't think you'll give in easily is passive aggressive, and unproductive.

If you still have a grievance with him, then bring it up in a calm manner, and discuss it civilly. If he still has a bone to pick with you, then ask him what you can do to resolve it. On the other hand, if everything's peachy, go to bed already and rock his world.

Though, I would humbly submit that you should be rocking his world in bed, and being affectionate, regardless of whether you're fighting about something. You're a team. Don't make him your enemy, or create distance between you by depriving him and you of your emotional needs (affection & sex). Those things are the glue that holds you two together.


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## Andy1001

LeeToTheKnee said:


> So my and my partner just got into a really big fight a few days ago. We have since somewhat resolved it to the point of kisses and affection again in small increments. But I have been sleeping on the couch for the past three days. I keep telling myself and him that it’s for much needed space, but I don’t know if it’s going to hurt the relationship. I’m hoping the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” saying falls in here and maybe he’ll miss me to the point that he wants me back in the bed but i don’t want to make it seem like i give in so easily. I’m thinking that if I sleep on the couch once in a while it will help benefit the relationship somehow. Will this help or hurt us?


You are withholding sex/intimacy from your partner and, perhaps subconsciously using it as a weapon in your fight. This is a passive aggressive move and if you intend to use this as a method to retain control in your relationship then I suggest you just break up. This forum is full of stories about sex being used as a negotiation tactic and they rarely end well. 
You haven’t forgiven him for the fight so please stop trying to fool yourself and him by saying that you have. 
Either learn how to communicate your issues or prepare for a life time of this bs.


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## MattMatt

We need some more information, please.

Who caused the argument?

What was it about?

Running away from the marital bed might seem childish or passive aggressive, even?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

LeeToTheKnee said:


> So my and my partner just got into a really big fight a few days ago. We have since somewhat resolved it to the point of kisses and affection again in small increments. But I have been sleeping on the couch for the past three days. I keep telling myself and him that it’s for much needed space, but I don’t know if it’s going to hurt the relationship. I’m hoping the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” saying falls in here and maybe he’ll miss me to the point that he wants me back in the bed but i don’t want to make it seem like i give in so easily. I’m thinking that if I sleep on the couch once in a while it will help benefit the relationship somehow. Will this help or hurt us?


It will hurt. It's a common goto move, but if a couple is working just to get through a tiff it always prolongs the hard feelings. 

A couple should always be able to sleep next to each other unless a myriad of problems are already leading to a permanent form of separation. 

Sorry ☹


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## StillSearching

MattMatt said:


> We need some more information, please.
> 
> Who caused the argument?
> 
> What was it about?
> 
> Running away from the *marital bed* might seem childish or passive aggressive, even?


I don't think they are married, but they might be....partners.


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## She'sStillGotIt

LeeToTheKnee said:


> I’m thinking that if I sleep on the couch once in a while it will help benefit the relationship somehow. Will this help or hurt us?


I found that the best part of my last marriage was the first 3 months when we lived in bordering states. The couch is for amateurs.


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## MattMatt

StillSearching said:


> I don't think they are married, but they might be....partners.


That may well be the case, but a partnership bed would just sound weird!


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## Yeswecan

LeeToTheKnee said:


> So my and my partner just got into a really big fight a few days ago. We have since somewhat resolved it to the point of kisses and affection again in small increments. But I have been sleeping on the couch for the past three days. I keep telling myself and him that it’s for much needed space, but I don’t know if it’s going to hurt the relationship. I’m hoping the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” saying falls in here and maybe he’ll miss me to the point that he wants me back in the bed but i don’t want to make it seem like i give in so easily. I’m thinking that if I sleep on the couch once in a while it will help benefit the relationship somehow. Will this help or hurt us?


Sorry, no. Absence hardens the heart. Need to find a neutral spot and communicate. Passive aggressive silent treatment never works.


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## Tilted 1

Yeswecan said:


> Sorry, no. Absence hardens the heart. Need to find a neutral spot and communicate. Passive aggressive silent treatment never works.


Agreed, to the uhumft degree!


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## EleGirl

MattMatt said:


> We need some more information, please.
> 
> Who caused the argument?
> 
> What was it about?
> 
> Running away from the marital bed might seem childish or passive aggressive, even?


I agree with the others that what you are doing is passive aggressive and will only serve to hurt your relationship.

Right now you are sleeping on the couch and waiting for him to beg you to come back to bed with him. And he is sleeping in the bed and waiting for you to beg him to stop your nonsense and start sleeping in the bed again. Have you ever seen two deer with locked horns? If they cannot get the horns unlocked, they both die.

However, I also agree with MattMatt that we need more information because there are a few things that would be hard for anyone to get over. Like most important things, the devil is in the details.

So.... what was the argument about and who started/caused it?


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## badsanta

LeeToTheKnee said:


> I’m thinking that if I sleep on the couch once in a while it will help benefit the relationship somehow. Will this help or hurt us?


Personal space in the relationship can actually do wonders, BUT you have to advocate that it is something you both agree on as a couple and can appreciate the desired benefit. Otherwise it can be seen as an act of hostility, anger, and rejection from a spouse. 

My wife and I actually have separate bedrooms primarily because we both snore and keep very different sleeping schedules. At first it was difficult because it felt as if we were drifting apart, but because it allows us our own personal space we have so much more positive things to share with one another and enjoy our time together much more. 

We do have a routine in which we always spend quality time together (nonsexual intimacy) before one of us goes to bed. Then once that person is ready to sleep, we go our own ways and enjoy some personal space. For my wife this might mean staying up to read a book or binging on Netflix. For me this might mean going to bed early and getting up early to go jogging when it is nice and cool outside while everyone else is getting their beauty rest. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Girl_power

Is the problem that he did something “wrong “ and refuses to apologize and/or change his behavior? 
I think the nature of the argument is important for us to know so we can understand a little better. 

I think a difficult thing and a common thing for us women is that we want to be treated better but for whatever reason our significant others don’t necessarily treat us the way we want them too and it upsets us and it’s not bad enough to end the relationship but still makes us unhappy. Is the reason why your “punishing” him by sleeping in the couch so he would wake up and appreciate you?


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## Stormguy2018

This is just wrong on so many levels.


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## Andy1001

Girl_power said:


> Is the problem that he did something “wrong “ and refuses to apologize and/or change his behavior?
> I think the nature of the argument is important for us to know so we can understand a little better.
> 
> I think a difficult thing and a common thing for us women is that we want to be treated better but for whatever reason our significant others don’t necessarily treat us the way we want them too and it upsets us and it’s not bad enough to end the relationship but still makes us unhappy. Is the reason why your “punishing” him by sleeping in the couch so he would wake up and appreciate you?


I’m probably just being pedantic but nowhere in the op’s post do they say that this is a heterosexual relationship.


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## Girl_power

Andy1001 said:


> I’m probably just being pedantic but nowhere in the op’s post do they say that this is a heterosexual relationship.




I can already tell she’s a girl and her partner is a boy. But your right I shouldn’t assume.


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## aquarius1

As someone who’s partner did this for 28 years let me tell you what it’s called: STONEWALLING and it’s incredibly damaging to a relationship.

You are playing a very dangerous game with your partner’s heart. And it causes pain, sadness and distance. 
Others are right, it’s passive-aggressive and sadly appears a bit controlling on your part.

Read up, watch videos on stonewalling and improving communication. 

What about starting to break the ice with texting? It’s a non confrontational way to sort some things out.


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