# Last goodbye jitters, HELP



## batshyt_crazy (May 11, 2012)

So, my friend told me to post here because everyone is so nice lol.... So here goes

Well let's start off with a little background about me. I have BPD and along with that severe depression as well as severe anxiety. For those of you who don't know what BPD is basically it's an illness that effects your ability to handle emotion and greatly effects relationships.

Now, because this is largely to do with my family I will start by telling you about them.. I have 6 siblings! I only speak to one of those siblings we will call her sibling #1

On the other hand there is sibling #2... She moved to MN after my dad died in '06, basically she used my mother to get here and get established and now has little to no contact with any of the family accept with sibling #3 whom we haven't talked about yet. She has 3 kids, a 23 yr old son (who has 3 kids of his own and 2 in his custody and no job) a 16 yr old daughter and an 8 yr old son, all of my memories of this woman are bad and we have absolutely no relationship at all

Sibling #3, she is a piece of work lol... she is the most fake, manipulative, back stabbing, two faced BLANK I have ever met! She also has 3 kids all boys, a 26, 24 and 20 yr old... The 20 yr old is a meth addict and has been in and out of jail and treatment since he was 16... last summer he had came to my campsite where I was staying with his 2 children to play with my kids... while he was leaving he got pulled over because the police here know he doesn't have a DL, well because he was being pulled over he swallowed all of the narcotics he had on him because he was on probation and ended up in the hospital having seizures... My sister somehow blames this one me because of stories told by his meth head girlfriend and text messages in his phone with him talking to me about drugs, I haven't spoken to her in a year

Sibling #4 is an ******* and quietly hates me because of things I did when I was young and things i can not change

Sibling #5 lives in texas and I have only met her a couple times

Sibling #6 lives about 6 hours from where I do and basically has had nothing to do with our family since he was 18... he is 40 now, the last time i saw him was a couple months ago when my mother had a heart attack and he decided to pick a fight with me in the hospital waiting room and then later picked on with sibling #4, however he is dying... he is on the heart transplant list and now his heart is functioning at 19% and he doesn't believe he is going to make it until he gets a new heart...

He is coming on Sunday to basically say his goodbyes to the family.... He has requested and big family dinner... all of us... which will include about 25 people.... most who absolutely hate me and I don't care for them either.

My problem is I feel this may be my brothers attempt at getting us all in the same room to "hash out" our differences... or perhaps not, idk

With my anxiety i don't know if I can handle this situation. everyone keeps telling me I need to go that way when he is gone I don't feel guilt. However I really really don't want to go.
Having this many people who hate you under one roof is just too much, not to mention i don't have anything to say to my brother who is dying because he has been a complete ass to me for the last 22 years... I honestly don't know if I would be able to do it without having a complete melt down


I guess I need some advice....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I come from a big family as well… I have siblings… 4 sisters and 3 brothers. While our family dynamics are not as volatile as yours, we have had our moments as well… some of those ‘moments’ lasted years. In recent years I have avoid quite a few family events because of the way some family members treated me in last few years of our mother’s life. So I get where you are coming from.
Geez… with his bad heart do you think he will make it through the dinner with this bunch? 

You might want to go but have an exit plan. See him briefly and then sort of work your way out the door when you have had enough. Also have a plan to not get into an argument with anyone. If they start to take the conversation down a bad path.. just change the subject. I’ve become very good at changing the subject at family gatherings. Just pull and ‘air head move’…. In mid-sentence act like something across the room has your attention suddenly, say excuse me and walk away… this works too.
Have a plan. Leave early. If you have a friend who can help keep you on an even keel take that friend with you.


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## DeepBreathPKI (May 9, 2012)

I hope, if you went, that it went as well as it could.

It sounds like It could be a train wreck of a situation with all the history and feelings.

Neverthe less, as a family you should try take the opportunity to realise that your life is about living becasue you dont know what is around the corner !


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## batshyt_crazy (May 11, 2012)

Actually I chose to not go... after talking to my therapist we decided it wasn't a good idea... then after that I wrote my brother a letter telling him I would not be coming and explained why. I told him I understand he is ill and if he would like to meet me elsewhere away from the other family member i would be ok with that... Somewhere in my letter I said something to the effect of... I know you want to make this easy on everyone and say your goodbyes... well, this lead into a shocking discovery... my brother is not in fact dying! He gave my entire family the impression he was on his death bed when really he just wanted us to see his kids because this may be our last time to see them because he won't be taking them to his appointments anymore at the mayo clinic *which is why he ever visits we are his way*... so he pretty much tricked the entire family into agreeing to a big family dinner so he wouldn't have to go to 4 different homes.... isn't that nice.... to use your health to scare your family into reconciliation...


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