# Started with a 4some...



## YoungFool

First some background info (Please dont judge) then I need some help.

I'm 24 and I have been married for 5 years (Young I know but I'm rather mature for my age... I think) My wife is 25 and I served some time in the military. Our early marriage was plagued with what I realize now where communication problems abound and general foolishness expected out of marriages brought about by children (Yes yes, I know it seems bad but...)

We got through it and I discovered I actually love her. We are good together and while not perfect we are growing together and I'm only recently begining to appreciate that. Our earlier problems are all but gone and slowly but surely we seem to be figuring things out. Sounds good right? Heres how I think I screwed myself.

I talk to her about what i like sexually and she listens and tries to match me. Apparetly I mentioned her friend (Jokingly at first but...) and my wife seemed into the idea. Well before anything can get off the ground my best friend gets back to our hometown and hooks up with my wife's friend. They begin seeing each other often and one day we find ourselves all in one room. There was alcohol involved but I guess I did the most drinking. I went to the bathroom and was greeted by my wife's friend half naked and my buddy nailing my wife.

Not something planned but if it was gonna happen it was gonna be with this guy. We were basically joined at the hip and I couldn't bring myself to be mad at either of them so I took the hint and joined in. Hell for all I know I probably suggested the whole thing before I went to the bathroom. Anywyas the next day I remember it happening but its mostly a blur but everyone else involved was exclaiming how great the whole thing was.

Not remembering much but my buddy on my wife or really how the whole thing started is eating at me big time. My wife seemed to enjoy herself and that hurts almost as much and I'm not sure why. I never considered myself jealous or petty and this seems like something I would be into especially since my wife confirmed I did suggest it but..... Why does it hurt so much right now?


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## ReformedHubby

YoungFool said:


> First some background info (Please dont judge) then I need some help.
> 
> I'm 24 and I have been married for 5 years (Young I know but I'm rather mature for my age... I think) My wife is 25 and I served some time in the military. Our early marriage was plagued with what I realize now where communication problems abound and general foolishness expected out of marriages brought about by children (Yes yes, I know it seems bad but...)
> 
> We got through it and I discovered I actually love her. We are good together and while not perfect we are growing together and I'm only recently begining to appreciate that. Our earlier problems are all but gone and slowly but surely we seem to be figuring things out. Sounds good right? Heres how I think I screwed myself.
> 
> I talk to her about what i like sexually and she listens and tries to match me. Apparetly I mentioned her friend (Jokingly at first but...) and my wife seemed into the idea. Well before anything can get off the ground my best friend gets back to our hometown and hooks up with my wife's friend. They begin seeing each other often and one day we find ourselves all in one room. There was alcohol involved but I guess I did the most drinking. I went to the bathroom and was greeted by my wife's friend half naked and my buddy nailing my wife.
> 
> Not something planned but if it was gonna happen it was gonna be with this guy. We were basically joined at the hip and I couldn't bring myself to be mad at either of them so I took the hint and joined in. Hell for all I know I probably suggested the whole thing before I went to the bathroom. Anywyas the next day I remember it happening but its mostly a blur but everyone else involved was exclaiming how great the whole thing was.
> 
> Not remembering much but my buddy on my wife or really how the whole thing started is eating at me big time. My wife seemed to enjoy herself and that hurts almost as much and I'm not sure why. I never considered myself jealous or petty and this seems like something I would be into especially since my wife confirmed I did suggest it but..... Why does it hurt so much right now?


I hate to give you a Captain Obvious answer but it hurts because in these situations the fantasy is probably best left as a fantasy. The reality of actually seeing someone have sex with your wife brings about feelings (as it should). Also, I ain't no swinger but I do know that couples place a lot of rules in place before they jump in. Sounds like your wife just went for it.


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## Thound

On the outside chance this thread is for real, you and her need to get into mc asap. If you come out of the bath room and your wife is banging another man, I would say yall have some issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YoungFool

Maybe I wasn't... clear enough or forthcoming enough. We were drinking. I'm pretty sure it was my idea cuz I'm pretty sure I've joked about it to test the waters but never got any real feedback. Apparently this time I said it and everyone was on board immediately.

My relationship with my friend is also a bit... abnormal. We are very good friends. It's not that I dont want to ruin these relationships its that I can't! I can't bring myself to be mad, maybe a bit hurt, but not mad and I don't want my feelings to create some weird gap. Especially since this is most likely my fault. 

True my wife just jumped in but it's likely because she expected it's what I wanted but her... enthusiasm was not only out of character it was a bit... off-putting? Whatever word i'm looking for there it makes me uncomfortable and I dont't want it to. I need to be ok with this or go mad.

She suggested a redo (After a long talk about rules lol) and suggested I remain sober so I can better guide the situation and not feel so out of control. I admit the idea still sounds a bit appealing which is why I'm sure not remembering much is as big an issue as what I actually remember. At the same time.... idk. Maybe it's just not for me.

So confused..... and worst part is I'm almost positive its my fault now. I can't even really come out and say anything without making 3 other people uncomfortable as well seeing as how they remember more of it and enjoyed themselves readily.


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## MrK

This sounds more like a cuckold situation. I have heard NOTHING about what you did or plan to do with the other wife. It was ALL about seeing her screw a guy.

Do you have sex with the wife? Do you want to again? And also, foursome to me sounds like four bodies going at it together. Pairing off like that is wife swapping. You've got the terms confused, the results confused, your emotions confused.

You've got MrK confused...

:scratchhead:


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## Kaboom

These are things that are often and unfortunately left to hindsight. Fantasies like yours tend to play out rather quickly, as you've discovered, especially when alcohol is involved.

This is something you should have discussed in detail beforehand, while sober, in private with your OH. You may well be guilty of approving it on the fly, but.. she should have at least made you a part of the moment that it was initiated- not gone into another room with the other two and gotten down without you.

I believe this is why you are feeling the way you are about it. In a way, she did pay you a disrespect, and you need to get that into the open and discuss it with her.

Consuming less alcohol when you get together with the others might also be advisable. You need to gain control over your trysts if you decide to do that again.


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## Kaboom

MrK said:


> This sounds more like a cuckold situation. I have heard NOTHING about what you did or plan to do with the other wife. It was ALL about seeing her screw a guy.
> 
> Do you have sex with the wife? Do you want to again? And also, foursome to me sounds like four bodies going at it together. Pairing off like that is wife swapping. You've got the terms confused, the results confused, your emotions confused.
> 
> You've got MrK confused...
> 
> :scratchhead:


I didn't get the impression that it was a **** situation, although maybe she thought it would turn him on to walk in and "catch" her? I dunno.. maybe he somehow communicated that to her unknowingly. If so, he needs to bring that aspect into the conversation he has with her about it.


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## WorkingOnMe

Was he "bigger" than you? Did your wife seem more satisfied by him? Perhaps in your fantasy version you were the stud and she was disappointed by your friend, but in real life the opposite happened.


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## YoungFool

Definitely not a ****! I wasn't specific about what I did with the other female party mostly because it's partially a blur but I definitely did have sex with her as well and in fact we apparently teamed up on both of them ect.... It was a foursome but my memory of it is foggy as I have explained.

Kaboom may have hit the nail on the head however. I think maybe my... joking or whatever might have came across as "Lets trade!" She told me it's what guy's want but I think she doesn't understand the difference in this situation. 

At the same time I feel terrible even thinking that. I would be ok with 2 girls and me but now it's weird. How does that even make sense? To make things worse the other girl wasn't even as good as my wife. I remember being dissapointed in her... parts... but my wife wasn't dissapointed in the least which isn't helping me cope any better lol. It turned into some weird comparison (Your bigger but his didn't hurt and got me rdy for you ect...) Weird man... weird...

Did I mention I have an anxiety issue after the military and tend to blow thing outs of proportion? I feel After I calm down a bit this might blow over and not even bother me.


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## SadSamIAm

I can totally see this happening. The fantasy is great. 

You get to have sex with another woman and see your wife getting it on with another man. The fantasy is a good one. 

I know I could get into it. It would be a great hour or two. 

But afterwards it would be hell. Especially if she seemed to enjoy the other man too much. Also a problem if the other woman enjoyed me too much. Next fight with my wife would be about how "I should just go see Whatsherface since she is so perfect!"

I think it is pretty rare for people to be able to do this and for their marriage to survive. 

Sounds like your wife is into it. She seems to like your best friend. Later she will meet some new guy she wants you to meet.

You better stop this if you want your marriage. The runaway train has started.


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## Kaboom

YoungFool said:


> Definitely not a ****! I wasn't specific about what I did with the other female party mostly because it's partially a blur but I definitely did have sex with her as well and in fact we apparently teamed up on both of them ect.... It was a foursome but my memory of it is foggy as I have explained.
> 
> Kaboom may have hit the nail on the head however. I think maybe my... joking or whatever might have came across as "Lets trade!" She told me it's what guy's want but I think she doesn't understand the difference in this situation.
> 
> At the same time I feel terrible even thinking that. I would be ok with 2 girls and me but now it's weird. How does that even make sense? To make things worse the other girl wasn't even as good as my wife. I remember being dissapointed in her... parts... but my wife wasn't dissapointed in the least which isn't helping me cope any better lol. It turned into some weird comparison (Your bigger but his didn't hurt and got me rdy for you ect...) Weird man... weird...
> 
> Did I mention I have an anxiety issue after the military and tend to blow thing outs of proportion? I feel After I calm down a bit this might blow over and not even bother me.


Well I have a bit of experience in this department, and the only advice I can really give you is that communication is key. These types of situations can be wonderful, or gut-wrenching, all dependent on your point of view and mental condition when it happens. Worst thing you can do right now is get "clingy" about it. Take more control, and be the man- she will appreciate that. If you get clingy, she will be made to feel bad and then resent you for approving of it, then disapproving after the fact.

You probably should let this one go, but be much more dominant and forthcoming should it happen again. You still need to discuss it with her, but make it a point to not be accusatory.


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## MrK

YoungFool said:


> I feel After I calm down a bit this might blow over and not even bother me.


Just don't let that be plan A. It's not likely to happen. Maybe this sex swapping is a success in real life somewhere else, but I've never seen it on TAM. It's ALWAYS bad when it gets here. 

Maybe you should go to a swappers sight and ask them how they all dealt with it. NO WAY it was all fun and games for everybody there either.


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## WorkingOnMe

In the fantasy, mr. youngfool here thinks he will walk away with validation that he is the best his wife has ever had. He gets some strange and gets to feel like a stud. But once the dust of reality settles, he realizes that he's second best. Now he's going to be wondering what she's up to when he's at work. How often his best buddy stops by the house for a little side action.


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## YoungFool

Calm is always my first choice. After hearing a few responses I think I'll talk it out with my wife and just... come clean with exactly what I mean. Hell I might show her this thread but it has to happen. I'm definitely gonna lose some power here though (Mostly a joke but you know...) I'm gonna feel like she has the upper hand on me now...

Oh wow..... Just sitting here writing I think I found my problem... I didn't like it. She did. I'm scared that's what it is. I need to hash this out and confront it. I'm not exactly sure what all I'm scared of but I'll figure this out. Sometimes you just someone to talk to.


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## CallaLily

My suggestion, watch the drinking since you can't remember much. Is this something you want to continue on and do again? If not, you need to start working on picking up the pieces.


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## Kaboom

WorkingOnMe said:


> In the fantasy, mr. youngfool here thinks he will walk away with validation that he is the best his wife has ever had. He gets some strange and gets to feel like a stud. But once the dust of reality settles, he realizes that he's second best. Now he's going to be wondering what she's up to when he's at work. How often his best buddy stops by the house for a little side action.


How many men is a woman with before she gets married? These days, probably more than a dozen. Statistically, she's been with someone who had bigger junk, and someone else who was probably a better sexual partner. Same goes with men too- we've all had a woman in our past who either had a better face/body, or was much better in the sack.

We accept who we married because we believe them to be the best of everything. There's always going to be someone better at any given one thing than you are. 

That being said, so what? I doubt the OP got into it because he needed to prove his superior manhood and sexual prowess to someone outside the marriage. Chances are, he was just turned on by the fantasy (and nothing wrong with that!), and accidentally acted on it when he wasn't mentally prepared. Apparently his wife was. No big deal..


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## YoungFool

Dude.. ouch WorkingOnMe. I want to tell you your wrong but that might be back there somewhere too... But I don't feel thats the root here. It was just... uncomfortable to see. 

And again Kaboom! Bringing in good answers. I can definitely understand what your saying there. I may have taken a step in the wrong direction here. Gonna remedy that shortly

Part of me says yes I want to do it again. I love sex and kink and can still understand the thrill of the whole thing but I'm finding myself unpleasantly surprised I can't seperate my feelings from my wife from the fantasy.


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## SomedayDig

YoungFool said:


> Calm is always my first choice. After hearing a few responses I think I'll talk it out with my wife and just... come clean with exactly what I mean. Hell I might show her this thread but it has to happen. I'm definitely gonna lose some power here though (Mostly a joke but you know...) I'm gonna feel like she has the upper hand on me now...
> 
> Oh wow..... Just sitting here writing I think I found my problem... I didn't like it. She did. I'm scared that's what it is. I need to hash this out and confront it. I'm not exactly sure what all I'm scared of but I'll figure this out. Sometimes you just someone to talk to.


Yeah, like Reformed first replied that the people who are swingers have a lot of communication about boundaries and what's acceptable for the night. The following morning they talk about what happened and if everything was good. I'm pretty sure they also keep tabs throughout the night making sure all is on the up and up.

Hence, swinging ain't for the majority of people. I, for one, don't get the idea of seeing someone having sex with my wife - but I ain't gonna rain on anyone's party if that's what they enjoy.


EDIT to add: I would also suggest that most swingers don't involve "best friends" in their list of partners. Most of the people I've seen post here and elsewhere about it is that it's typically a one night deal.


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## unbelievable

I bet it's every woman's fantasy to get nailed by a sloppy drunk who can't remember jack about the event. It's probably every wife's fantasy to have her husband willingly swap her for a chance to nail her friend. You have just flung open a door you probably will wish you had kept closed.


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## YoungFool

Everytime I go to post Kaboom come back in dropping knowledge bombs! Very appropriate and again true. Dude... where you there? You seem to know pretty much how I feel.


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## Kaboom

YoungFool said:


> I think I found my problem... I didn't like it. She did. I'm scared that's what it is. I need to hash this out and confront it. I'm not exactly sure what all I'm scared of but I'll figure this out.


Man, that's pretty profound!

Grats on figuring something out!

So what if she didn't like it and you did?

I see things differently, granted, but think of this:

Let's say you came home and you hear your wife in the bedroom, moaning and carrying on. You walk in, to find her with a new hitachi toy .. and she's going to town.. would you be jealous?

To her, you are the "man" in her life. Other men, if she's in the right frame of mind, are the same- nothing more than toys. Sex is about objectifying others. People become toys. 

Making love- now that's something only a man and woman who love each other can do. The only thing a man should seriously be worried about in these situations is when his wife starts trying to make love to other men, and not just using them for pleasure. 

Do you remember if that was the case that night? Maybe that's what's buggin you too?


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## Kaboom

YoungFool said:


> Everytime I go to post Kaboom come back in dropping knowledge bombs! Very appropriate and again true. Dude... where you there? You seem to know pretty much how I feel.


Well like I said.. I have some experience. Well, maybe a LOT of experience. Been down shame lane many times before getting it right. It has everything to do with frame of mind, and the woman in question. If she gets ulterior motives or doesn't respect/love you, then it can become doomed quickly, but at the same time, if that's how she feels about you, then it's doomed eventually anyways.. so why not have fun with it. Live for the day!


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## CallaLily

My suggestion, watch the drinking since you can't remember much. Is this something you want to continue on and do again? If not, you need to start working on picking up the pieces.


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## YoungFool

No... now that you mention it she was almost vulgar in her description of being with him. He was very objectified in her descriptions of the situation. So was I and thats to be understood. In fact she called us "Penises" in the literal sense... And here he goes again, KABOOM! Makes so much sense now.


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## SadSamIAm

YoungFool said:


> No... now that you mention it she was almost vulgar in her description of being with him. He was very objectified in her descriptions of the situation. So was I and thats to be understood. In fact she called us "Penises" in the literal sense... And here he goes again, KABOOM! Makes so much sense now.


The problem is that you have let her know that you are ok with her using penises. It will be difficult for you to complain when you find her at home enjoying a penis instead of a magic wand.

Some guys can handle that. KABOOM makes some good points. But not everyone can separate flucking from making love the way he describes it.


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## Jamison

IMO, you're in a real mess. If you want to save your marriage, as in its just you and her, then you will need to let her know that it was just a one time thing, you didn't care for it, and you want the marriage to be just her and you again only not everyone else join in. 

If you do not mind then, this is how your life may be, because apparently she has no problem with it. Personally I couldn't live that way, but thats just me.


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## Kobo

Strange, you guys had discussions about her friend joining but never about your buddy. You go away for what, 3 minutes and he's knee deep in your wife. hmmm


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## unbelievable

Your problem is that you're a sober guy regretting the decisions of a drunk. Alcohol makes us stupid. That's why we only use it in moderation. Stupid thoughts almost always proceed stupid actions. If you're drinking and start thinking up stupidness, that's a clue to switch to iced tea. Several thousand years ago, ignorant cave dwellers figured out that sharing women was a bad idea. People ended up killing or maiming each other for entirely preventable reasons. They paired off and avoided all that bloodshed and drama. With a few beers and you've erased the benefits of thousands of years of societal evolution. You said you were in the service? Your buddy, too? You're going to arm up and go into battle beside the guy that nailed your wife and he beside the guy who nailed his girlfriend? What could possibly go wrong with that?


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## Caribbean Man

Kobo said:


> Strange, you guys had discussions about her friend joining but never about your buddy. You go away for what, 3 minutes and he's knee deep in your wife. hmmm


:iagree:
Fascinating that he seemed ok with it at that point and time.
I see much deeper problems here.


And why does he seem comfortable with the notion that his wife and him both have this ability to compartmentalize their sexual behaviour ?
If the OP is s ok with that then, the problem cannot be the foursome. So maybe its just their excessive,alcohol consumption.


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## Suspecting

The way you worded it in the OP sounds like they were having a threesome without you. I would consider that cheating. Why would they be hiding in a bathroom otherwise?


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## trey69

If you want your marriage to work, and this is something you feel was a mistake, then you need to sit down with her and have a heart to heart. Tell her you did this out of curiosity, and that you really didn't care for it after all. 

The thing I found odd was, your wife and your buddy were already going at it like rabbits before anyone could even say, Ready, Set, Go. Is it possible they have gotten together before this? 

You also need to tell your wife, in order for the marriage to work out, all contact between your buddy and your wifes friend might need to be severed. Now that this has happened, things will never be the same between any of you anyway. The other two are gonna need to be out of the picture if your marriage has any chance of surviving. Just my 2 cents.


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## Kobo

Suspecting said:


> The way you worded it in the OP sounds like they were having a threesome without you. I would consider that cheating. Why would they be hiding in a bathroom otherwise?


I read it has him coming back from the bathroom to find them having the threesome. There is so much going on here. The wife so easily went along with sleeping with his buddy that it makes me think she has been thinking on this for a while. His buddy who the OP makes it seem like is his brother from another mother quickly begins having sex with his wife without even a "man are you sure?" I know alcohol was involved but that seems like an extremely fast escalation. I would probably have to lean in the direction that this was a setup if I'm in the situation. That may be increasing your feelings of insecurity. You may feel differently had you been around for the start up of activities.


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## Air Texas

YoungFool said:


> Oh wow..... Just sitting here writing I think I found my problem... I didn't like it. She did. I'm scared that's what it is. I need to hash this out and confront it. I'm not exactly sure what all I'm scared of but I'll figure this out. Sometimes you just someone to talk to.


You're scared of losing her. Tell her you didn't like it and don't want to do it anymore. You found out you're jealous.


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## inarut

inarut said:


> The op mentioned her friend in a "joking" manner. His friend was never discussed at all. Nevermind his frend didn't ask if this was ok but SHE never asked. She may have thought what's ok for him was ok for her too but you don't just go at it like that out of the blue without even a word to your husband when nothing was seriously discussed and agreed upon.....imo
> 
> Maybe she thought he would love the suprise of it....I don't know...pretty damn risky thing to pull....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReformedHubby

SomedayDig said:


> I would also suggest that most swingers don't involve "best friends" in their list of partners. Most of the people I've seen post here and elsewhere about it is that it's typically a one night deal.


This is key. Its almost always with strangers when people swing. It is much easier to prevent emotional attachments when you don't really know the people. Its also easier to prevent it from happening again if you don't want it to because they are not a part of your day to day life.


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## doubletrouble

I've been in threesomes and one foursome, but never with a wife (well, never with MY wife). They can be great, but I would never have gone for that with my wife, and never will do that stuff again. Young and dumb in my 20s.... like you, OP! 

You may have opened Pandora's ... woops, bad choice of words. If this is bothering you as much as it seems to be, then you need to set boundaries, despite the fact that y'all already did it. Tell her once was enough to know you aren't down with it.


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## COguy

You can discuss fantasy all you want, but before your wife gets banged BY YOUR BEST FRIEND, there should at least be an agreement about it.

Your hurt and pissed because the woman you loved was getting railed without your permission and she enjoyed it. You got double betrayed.

You didn't go into this willingly, you were forced into it, and at the last minute. That isn't the kind of decision you want to make in a marriage. 5 seconds after you take a piss...drunk....

Please for the love of god do not have kids.


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## Plan 9 from OS

Sigh...inviting outsiders into the marriage for sex is a bad idea. There are a very small percentage of the people out there who can pull it off. Most everyone else either get attached to the outsider(s), becomes super jealous or simply like sex with the new people better and elect to recheck all of their prior assumptions. IMHO, rarely are the husband and the wife exactly on the same page when swinging or stay on the same page for long. You might as well play Russian Roulette w/ your foot.


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## Zatol Ugot?

YoungFool said:


> My wife seemed to enjoy herself and *that hurts almost as much and I'm not sure why*. ..... Why does it hurt so much right now?


Really? You don't know why? I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have even posted. I have nothing constructive to add.


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## inarut

COguy said:


> You can discuss fantasy all you want, but before your wife gets banged BY YOUR BEST FRIEND, there should at least be an agreement about it.
> 
> Your hurt and pissed because the woman you loved was getting railed without your permission and she enjoyed it. You got double betrayed.
> 
> You didn't go into this willingly, you were forced into it, and at the last minute. That isn't the kind of decision you want to make in a marriage. 5 seconds after you take a piss...drunk....
> 
> Please for the love of god do not have kids.


Yes....this was planned before hand without you. It didn't "just happen. "How long could you have possibly been in the bathroom before her friend came to you half naked and your wife was already having sex with your friend. Were they feeding you drinks? You were so drunk you barely remember what happened yet they were not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YoungFool

Now boys, if you don't have something helpful to say... don't. We are supposed to be (or at least act) like mature adults here talking about real issues. How is a shocked face and two sentences insulting my intelligence really appropriate here?

Anyways... I don't think this was planned before hand and letting myself think that is the wrong way to go about it anyways. I don't think my wife has done this before, contrary to popular belief I'm not an idiot and I would have definitely caught it before now and she never cheated while I was in the military (That **** gets around) so thats out. I really think this just happened, spur O' the moment, and I'm left with an angry bear and no idea how to pacify it.

It does hurt I feel no one asked for permission but had I given it would that be any different considering the outcome? I do feel halfway forced into it but I find myself wanting to make excuses since I know none of them had Ill intentions. 

Basically what happened is I went to have group sex and decided it wasn't for me but now I see these people alot... 1 of them everyday... but I'm not mad just... grossed out? Maybe... Idk I just feel weird about it lol. I'm not even sure I'm jealous because it was my "Brother from another mother!" and... It's because I was drunk and the only parts I remember clearly are things that would make me uncomfortable sober.

Had this whole thing happened without alcohol I doubt I'd be freaking but since it did I feel like I missed whatever good part they caught and got left with a few uncomfortable memories and a story of me and my bud going to town. Does that make sense?


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## ScrewedEverything

YoungFool said:


> left with a few uncomfortable memories and *a story of me and my bud going to town*. Does that make sense?


OK you need to clarify that. Going to town on each other? Maybe we missed a whole different angle of discomfort here.


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## ASummersDay

I don't think you've determined that group sex isn't for you. I think you've determined that you're not into watching your wife have sex with other men. You're *especially* not in to watching your wife ENJOY sex with other men.

And you know what? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with feeling disgusted by the whole situation. Your limits are your limits and now you know them.

You say there is a possibility you may still enjoy a FMF threesome. So, my friend, you have a few choices. You can either abandon the thought of group sex altogether and shut down every opportunity that may come your way. You can be honest with your wife about how you felt about seeing another man bang her, but see how she feels about having ONLY FMF threesomes. Or, you can continue to engage in messy situations that make you uncomfortable because your wife seems to enjoy them. 

Your call. 

As for your friends, not a whole lot you can do there. What's done is done. You just have to give it time and ride it out. Either talk with your buddy about it and put the whole thing to rest, or put some distance between the two of you until you feel like you can be normal again.


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## YoungFool

Seems like riding it out is whats gonna happen. I won't be pushing for a FMF 3some however as now it seems... unfair. I guess I just really don't like being a hypocrite but w/e. Guess I'll learn to live with it.

Edit: Oh by Going to town I meant us going to town on the female types. Apparently we were... I can't find a good way to say a "good team" without it sounding weird but there it is.


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## ASummersDay

YoungFool, I have to commend you for realizing that your desire for FMF may seem unfair to your wife. That shows a lot of empathy and consideration toward her. It's obvious you love and care for her a great deal. 

If her part in it has really rubbed you the wrong way or caused you to view her differently, try to remember she was likely under the assumption that you would be super into the whole thing. This is why communication is so, so important. It may be awkward and difficult to broach, but you should really consider talking to your wife honestly about it if you haven't already. Otherwise, she may be left with the impression that you're still into it and try to initiate more scenarios.


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## Grayson

YoungFool said:


> Anyways... I don't think this was planned before hand and letting myself think that is the wrong way to go about it anyways.* I don't think my wife has done this before, contrary to popular belief I'm not an idiot and I would have definitely caught it before now *and she never cheated while I was in the military (That **** gets around) so thats out. I really think this just happened, spur O' the moment, and I'm left with an angry bear and no idea how to pacify it.


I'm not saying she *has* done it before and I'm not saying she *hasn't*, but I will say that most (if not all) of us who've had a spouse cheat on us have said that very thing to ourselves at one time or another. "No way! I'd know." But...we didn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ASummersDay

Forgot to add: Yes, proposing FMF may come across as selfish and hypocritical (and perhaps it is a bit). But you have limited control over what excites you. So, if my husband sat me down and said to me in all honesty, "Sweetheart, I'm really turned on by the thought of a threesome with you and another woman, but watching you screw another man makes me ill," I would not find that selfish or hypocritical. It's simply him being honest about his fantasies. Then it would be my choice to proceed or not to depending on my comfort level. It's really about openness and honesty. As well as, does your relationship have a strong enough foundation to weather the potential emotional aftermath of that first-time experience.


----------



## Shaggy

I'm hoping this isn't realm because I truly hate marriages ending lie the or the thought of someone who values their marriage so little that they would be ok with this.

You walked into your wife cheating on you with a false friend.

They didn't invite you to be part of it, that's why they left the room you were in and went into another room an closed the door,

Your wife liked it because its likely not her first time with him, just the first time you caught her.

Your big problem here is it seems is the question of do you actually want to be married to her and does she want to be married to you?

Her actions say she doesn't want to be married to you. She likes your paycheck, but she wants to sleep around.

Basic rule- only have group sex with people and relationships you do not value. When you find a person you values you do not share them around.


----------



## ASummersDay

Oh, I misunderstood the original post. For some reason, I didn't register the part about you not being invited from the start. Such a key factor. I was under the impression that it was all consensual. 

That changes things, imo. Alcohol or not, she should have consulted you prior to the act. The fact that she didn't is just wrong. 

My advice is still the same, though...talk to her. Have an honest, unfiltered discussion about what went down. It's the only way to really move on from it. If I were you, since you have no reason to doubt her faithfulness prior to this, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, just this one time. But if she does anything similar to what she did ever again AFTER you express your limits to her, then she is being a boundary-pusher and you have a major problem.


----------



## Jamison

To the OP, when did this take place? I'm assuming recently?!
How have things been between the two of you since all of this
happened? Have you told her how what happened made you 
feel? If so what has she said? How was your marriage prior to all 
of this happening?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable

You're the one that brought up the subject of bringing in other sexual partners and you were apparently sober at the time. You decided to get plastered at your home with another couple (one of whom was a woman you had expressed sexual interest in). That sounds like a planned event to me. You even admitted it was (probably) you who brought up the subject that night. This was your plan. If I create and lay the bomb, I can't really complain when it goes off.


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## 4thand11

> Oh wow..... Just sitting here writing I think I found my problem... I didn't like it. She did. I'm scared that's what it is. I need to hash this out and confront it.


Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

She CLEARLY liked it, a lot. She was raving about it the next day and seems to already be talking about the next time.

And there is nothing wrong with her liking it. I DON'T think it means she prefers the friend to you. It does mean she got off on it - both the having sex with a new person, and the taboo nature of the whole thing.

You need to sit down and talk with her about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Porcupine

unbelievable said:


> You're the one that brought up the subject of bringing in other sexual partners and you were apparently sober at the time. You decided to get plastered at your home with another couple (one of whom was a woman you had expressed sexual interest in). That sounds like a planned event to me. You even admitted it was (probably) you who brought up the subject that night. This was your plan. If I create and lay the bomb, I can't really complain when it goes off.


:iagree:


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## JCD

ReformedHubby said:


> I hate to give you a Captain Obvious answer but it hurts because in these situations the fantasy is probably best left as a fantasy. The reality of actually seeing someone have sex with your wife brings about feelings (as it should). Also, I ain't no swinger but I do know that couples place a lot of rules in place before they jump in. Sounds like your wife just went for it.


Agreed. There was no permission asked or given. She just started ****ing your friend and he just decided to **** your wife.

Please don't give me the alcohol 'it was all a blur' excuse, because YOU found yourself NOT blurry in a private room in a sexually charged environment....and you stayed and drank some more.

Ray Charles could see where this would go.


----------



## JCD

Kaboom said:


> Man, that's pretty profound!
> 
> Grats on figuring something out!
> 
> So what if she didn't like it and you did?
> 
> I see things differently, granted, but think of this:
> 
> Let's say you came home and you hear your wife in the bedroom, moaning and carrying on. You walk in, to find her with a new hitachi toy .. and she's going to town.. would you be jealous?
> 
> To her, you are the "man" in her life. Other men, if she's in the right frame of mind, are the same- nothing more than toys. Sex is about objectifying others. People become toys.
> 
> Making love- now that's something only a man and woman who love each other can do. The only thing a man should seriously be worried about in these situations is when his wife starts trying to make love to other men, and not just using them for pleasure.
> 
> Do you remember if that was the case that night? Maybe that's what's buggin you too?


This, IMHO, is bad advice. She cannot have a intimate phone call with a Hitachi toy. She doesn't remember that nice shared vacation with BF where he looked kind of hunky.

She liked screwing your friend...and he didn't ask if you were positive about being okay with this. He didnt care if it might (probably WOULD) screw up the relationship with you. I'm betting he's the dominant in the friendship.

She didn't make sure either.

First rule is never sleep with that guy again.

However, I give this a 90% chance of having ruined at least one relationship, if not all of them.

So you were drunk. Drunk driving kills people without it being an excuse. Drunk ****ing can kill a relationship.

Good luck.


----------



## Shaggy

I think you need to realize, she did cheat on you, he did betray you, and dude you were not invited to the party.

Time to see the situation in the real light.

And if you we're too drink to know if you said ok or not, how would you have gotten it up to join in.

Sorry, but this sounds more like dear penthouse by the minute.


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## Catherine602

Why did you post this story? From what I can see, it is all done and you are not too upset. You got to tell your story and defend your lifestyle. So what assistance are you seeking?


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## JCD

Catherine602 said:


> Why did you post this story? From what I can see, it is all done and you are not too upset. You got to tell your story and defend your lifestyle. So what assistance are you seeking?


Agreed. He seems to want to hear that things are perfectly okay, and there is nothing to worry about, even as his stomach and his heart are calling his head a liar.

A few, a PRECIOUS few people can do the open marriage swapping sharing lifestyle.

You don't seem to be one of them.

You seem to assume, with no evidence, that your friend and your wife are ALSO able to do the swapping thing with respect,dignity and caring for your feelings with absolutely no evidence that this is so.

All you know is they like having sex with each other.

Please separate what you KNOW and what you WISH was so.

Because friend, you really stepped in it.


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## Shaggy

When it comes to open marriages there are two kinds:

1. Ones that have ended
2. Ones that will end.


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## ReformedHubby

Catherine602 said:


> Why did you post this story? From what I can see, it is all done and you are not too upset. You got to tell your story and defend your lifestyle. So what assistance are you seeking?


I am friends with a couple of guys that swing. To them what happened to the OP is just a "bad experience". They get right back on the bike again and continue on with their swinging lifestyle. 

I often wonder if they are as happy with their lifestyle as they claim to be. I view them like the people that were the first folks to get lasik surgery before it was perfected. They walked around telling everybody how great it was but when their friends got it they got halo vision, bad night vision, dry eyes, etc. etc. In other words people will never tell you how miserable they really are. Once they are stuck in something they find ways to justify it.


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## Carlchurchill

Yoh dude what the hell...you dont share your wife with your best friend...EVER!!!




Unless...





His wife is hotter!!!!!

you got the raw end of the deal, because like you said your wife is hotter than his gf...bet he has been wanting to nail your wife for ages!!!

I repeat, never let your best friend shag your wife!!! Stick to strangers...

I remember giving my best mate high 5s as we went to town on this one bird, you should have seen the look on her bf's face when he caught us...oh to be 20 and very drunk LOL

But let me just say, wives are special, you will be together forever, have kids together...you dont share your pie willy nilly!


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## Plan 9 from OS

YoungFool said:


> Basically what happened is I went to have group sex and decided it wasn't for me but now I see these people alot... 1 of them everyday... but I'm not mad just... grossed out? Maybe... Idk I just feel weird about it lol. *I'm not even sure I'm jealous because it was my "Brother from another mother!" *and... It's because I was drunk and the only parts I remember clearly are things that would make me uncomfortable sober.
> 
> Had this whole thing happened without alcohol I doubt I'd be freaking but since it did I feel like I missed whatever good part they caught and got left with a few uncomfortable memories and a story of me and my bud going to town. Does that make sense?


If this is real, you should know that this is messed up. Would you have any issues if it was a "brother from the same mother"? Seriously, I think you ARE jealous, you ARE upset and you ARE angry at BOTH. You are doing nothing more than trying to talk yourself out of being upset. But no matter how much you fight it, you are either 1) angry over being betrayed like that by your "brother" and wife or 2) angry over stupidly allowing your "brother" to have sex with your wife. 

I think it's about time you come to terms with this and tell yourself the truth.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Everyone knows if you're going to have group sex you import the booty.You don't dip your nib in the friend ink.


----------



## Kaboom

JCD said:


> This, IMHO, is bad advice. She cannot have a intimate phone call with a Hitachi toy. She doesn't remember that nice shared vacation with BF where he looked kind of hunky.
> 
> She liked screwing your friend...and he didn't ask if you were positive about being okay with this. He didnt care if it might (probably WOULD) screw up the relationship with you. I'm betting he's the dominant in the friendship.
> 
> She didn't make sure either.
> 
> First rule is never sleep with that guy again.
> 
> However, I give this a 90% chance of having ruined at least one relationship, if not all of them.
> 
> So you were drunk. Drunk driving kills people without it being an excuse. Drunk ****ing can kill a relationship.
> 
> Good luck.


Keep in mind that he suggested it when sober, and she probably saw that as a green light, as well as he believe he may have green-lighted the whole thing that night. He was drunk, and doesn't remember a good deal of the conversation or leading-up to the actual event. Just because it was initiated with him in another room doesn't mean anything, especially if the consent was implied.

I think his focus at this point is on the fallout anyways, what actually happened might be a point of contention, but I think the best path forward at this point is for the OP to discuss it with his wife, and for her to fill in the blanks- for all we know, he not only consented to it, but suggested they go into the other room.. /shrug.

Consulting with his best friend and comparing notes might also help sort out the details and additionally eek out any duplicity if it's there.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

So you did something wild and found out you're not really cool with it. I don't see why this should be a big conversation with your wife. Just chill and tell her it wasn't as fun as you thought it would be. You don't have to do it again - end of story.

If you're concerned with losing power/standing... this is the way to go. Just be "meh" about it. ie "you and I have better sex on our own babe... everyone else just gets in the way."


----------



## ScarletBegonias

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> So you did something wild and found out you're not really cool with it. I don't see why this should be a big conversation with your wife. Just chill and tell her it wasn't as fun as you thought it would be. You don't have to do it again - end of story.
> 
> If you're concerned with losing power/standing... this is the way to go. Just be "meh" about it. ie "you and I have better sex on our own babe... everyone else just gets in the way."


I needed to quote this as a moment in time where we agree on something 

:smthumbup:


----------



## MrK

ReformedHubby said:


> I view them like the people that were the first folks to get lasik surgery before it was perfected. They walked around telling everybody how great it was but when their friends got it they got halo vision, bad night vision, dry eyes, etc. etc. In other words people will never tell you how miserable they really are. Once they are stuck in something they find ways to justify it.


Right. Like all of the people who will shell out $1,000 for two Rolling Stones concert tickets this summer. They will see REALLY old guys playing REALLY bad versions of pretty bad music and say it ROCKED. 

When we all know it is going to suck. Badly.


----------



## JCD

Kaboom said:


> Keep in mind that he suggested it when sober, and she probably saw that as a green light, as well as he believe he may have green-lighted the whole thing that night. He was drunk, and doesn't remember a good deal of the conversation or leading-up to the actual event. Just because it was initiated with him in another room doesn't mean anything, especially if the consent was implied.
> 
> I think his focus at this point is on the fallout anyways, what actually happened might be a point of contention, but I think the best path forward at this point is for the OP to discuss it with his wife, and for her to fill in the blanks- for all we know, he not only consented to it, but suggested they go into the other room.. /shrug.
> 
> Consulting with his best friend and comparing notes might also help sort out the details and additionally eek out any duplicity if it's there.


Well, let's be clear on a few things. OP, please correct me where I am incorrect.



> I talk to her about what i like sexually and she listens and tries to match me. Apparetly *I mentioned her friend *(Jokingly at first but...) and my wife seemed into the idea. Well before anything can get off the ground my best friend gets back to our hometown and hooks up with my wife's friend. They begin seeing each other often and one day we find ourselves all in one room. There was alcohol involved but I guess I did the most drinking. *I went to the bathroom and was greeted by my wife's friend half naked and my buddy nailing my wife.*


There is a wealth of information in this short bit. HE is terribly drunk...and it seems he is alone in this. If my drunken wife said 'hey, hubby, go screw that woman in the next room...barf!" I think I might wait for a much more definite green light than drunken, half passed out ramblings.

Recall The Bard: Wine gives the desire but takes away the ability. (paraphrased)

Additionally, if I was risking my MARRIAGE and my BEST FRIEND, I would want something a hell of a lot more concrete than an _implication!_

An additional point in the quote was logistics. HE walked out of the room to the bathroom. Now, we don't know how long he was in there but men average about 90 seconds for each bathroom use on average. Fecal matter takes longer and I've milked time in the washroom when drunk as well...but what are we talking about? MAYBE 15 minutes? He walks away and they start sex without him.

For most people, even within the swinging community, there were absolutely every boundary, propriety and bit of respect removed from this interaction.

Consent in this instance was lacking. If a girl can't say yes when drunk (reliably) he can't give consent to become a cuckold.


----------



## Kaboom

Hey, some people react on implied consent.

If it wasn't for implied consent, most men would have never "made a move" on date night.. and we would be reading a LOT more on the yahoo forums "does he like me? Am I doing something wrong? Why won't he make a move?" 
LOL


----------



## JCD

Kaboom said:


> Hey, some people react on implied consent.
> 
> If it wasn't for implied consent, most men would have never "made a move" on date night.. and we would be reading a LOT more on the yahoo forums "does he like me? Am I doing something wrong? Why won't he make a move?"
> LOL


Oh yeah! But then, both actors are also in the same zip code and are allowed to change their mind.


----------



## Jamison

I hate it when I take the time to ask questions, and the OP doesn't return to answer them.


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## YoungFool

This blew up while I was away. Been busy... Anyways...

Long story short I kinda pieced together some memories and talked it out with the others. My wife did act on "implied consent" but was just into it for the kink. My buddy on the other hand figured he was doing me a solid by letting me get some strange (Implied consent here as well). As close as we all are I have no reason to not believe either of them and my queasy feeling was mostly the result of doing it all drunk.

I basically only remembered the parts that would make anyone uncomfortable but... idk, **** happens i guess. Either way I'm over it but it won't hurt to keep an eye open for any strange signs after all this.


----------



## Kobo

YoungFool said:


> This blew up while I was away. Been busy... Anyways...
> 
> Long story short I kinda pieced together some memories and talked it out with the others. My wife did act on "implied consent" but was just into it for the kink. My buddy on the other hand figured he was doing me a solid by letting me get some strange (Implied consent here as well). As close as we all are I have no reason to not believe either of them and my queasy feeling was mostly the result of doing it all drunk.
> 
> I basically only remembered the parts that would make anyone uncomfortable but... idk, **** happens i guess. Either way I'm over it but it won't hurt to keep an eye open for any strange signs after all this.




doing you a solid by letting you get some strange huh? That's probably not the way I would have gone about getting a friend some strange but whatever works. If being drunk is the issue then just do it again sober. What could go wrong. Your wife seems down.


----------



## YoungFool

The "Try again sober" conversation has come up and I'm thinking about it. If it's still weird I'll just end it early and call it a day.


----------



## Kaboom

YoungFool said:


> The "Try again sober" conversation has come up and I'm thinking about it. If it's still weird I'll just end it early and call it a day.


Hey, I think someone else asked a couple pages back, but I'm also curious on the question- Have you had sex with your wife since, and how was it? And how often? Awkward at all? Crazy-on-fire-passion? mediocre?


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

YoungFool said:


> The "Try again sober" conversation has come up and I'm thinking about it. If it's still weird I'll just end it early and call it a day.


Unfvcking believable...


----------



## WorkingOnMe

You picked the perfect username.


----------



## COguy

Please ensure all parties are sterilized before you attempt this again.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

Your wife already liked it more with your best friend and you're going to give him another shot at her. I guess it takes all kinds.


----------



## Jamison

Why get married? Just dip your stick in others, and let your wife do the same without being married.


----------



## Jamison

WorkingOnMe said:


> Your wife already liked it more with your best friend and you're going to give him another shot at her. I guess it takes all kinds.


Denial maybe? :scratchhead:


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

*WTF*



Jamison said:


> Denial maybe? :scratchhead:


Not at all. We're talking about his brother from another mother! How could he even stay mad at this bff or even think that his "bro" has nothing but the best of intentions towards him? :rofl:


----------



## CallaLily

YoungFool said:


> The "Try again sober" conversation has come up and I'm thinking about it. If it's still weird I'll just end it early and call it a day.


You might end it, but your wife might not.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

awww honey noooo don't do it!! are you for real?


----------



## Healer

I'm sure this will all end well.


----------



## JCD

Just speaking hypothetically...if I wanted to help my friend cheat on his wife, I'd give him an alibi. Heck, if I were single, I might arrange a two day fishing trip which ended up at that fishing Mecca 'Vegas'. If he was my brother, I'd even pick up the hooker tab.

I would NOT tear a piece off of his old lady and call it a favor. He is doing two people a favor and neither of them are you.

"Like a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool returns to his folly"


----------



## YoungFool

For a help forum you guys sure are negative... 

I never said she enjoyed him more (How do you even measure something like that) I can't hold her enjoying sex against her cuz I do remember getting at her friend a bit and I'd be lying if I said "It's not my wife so this feels icky.". Like Kaboom said you don't get jealous of a vibrator do you? We have a relationship and that means more than sex although it is part of it. If my wife really is willing to throw that away to sleep with my friend (Whom I also doubt would want to ruin or friendship over her...) It was doomed from the start. Cest la vie.

I'm sure at least half of the nega comments are from people who have been legitimately betrayed and I'm sorry you have trust issues but dont take it out on me. 

And yes We've had sex since, Daily and it ranges from mediocre to Bam-Scnhitz-Tit-Tap! (Which is good.) :smthumbup:


----------



## anchorwatch

Never been betrayed. 

Just most of us here consider marriage as monogamous, not an alternative lifestyle. 

That's the nature of a marriage. If you want to reinvent the wheel, don't worry about the warnings, have at it. 

We're just selfish for not sharing.


----------



## Grayson

YoungFool said:


> For a help forum you guys sure are negative...
> 
> I never said she enjoyed him more (How do you even measure something like that) I can't hold her enjoying sex against her cuz I do remember getting at her friend a bit and I'd be lying if I said "It's not my wife so this feels icky.". Like Kaboom said you don't get jealous of a vibrator do you? We have a relationship and that means more than sex although it is part of it. If my wife really is willing to throw that away to sleep with my friend (Whom I also doubt would want to ruin or friendship over her...) It was doomed from the start. Cest la vie.
> 
> I'm sure at least half of the nega comments are from people who have been legitimately betrayed and I'm sorry you have trust issues but dont take it out on me.
> 
> And yes We've had sex since, Daily and it ranges from mediocre to Bam-Scnhitz-Tit-Tap! (Which is good.) :smthumbup:


Some have been betrayed. Some are looking at a broader picture in a way that only being personally removed from the situation can allow.

And, some are both.

"Help" does not always mean saying, "Everything's sunshine, puppies and double-rainbows." It can also be providing a perspective that the one seeking help doesn't want to hear, so they feel it's "negative."

You've read the input of others here. You've seen your "best friend's" *ahem* "input." You've heard the reasons and/or rationalizations both he and his wife have given you. And, it sounds like you've reached a decision. Hope it works out for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## YoungFool

> You've read the input of others here. You've seen your "best friend's" *ahem* "input."


Like that, why take a shot? Making jokes is not providing perspective. If anything it only serves to anger someone and narrow their view. That and this thread seems to have run away from the original point. I wasn't asking how to do this right or looking for advice on my marriage. I was just looking to see if someone could help me sort out my aftermath emotions. Kaboom has helped a ton (Even if he wasn't always "positive" either) and I'm sure there were at least a few other useful post. 

Check your definition of useful before you come at me with some more childishness.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Your aftermath emotions are there for a reason. To warn you not to play with this situation anymore. You're ignoring your gut bc your c**k is telling you it's alright.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## YoungFool

People are picking and choosing what they want to hear out of this discussion now. I'm pretty sure I said I didn't even enjoy the other girl as much as my own wife right? How is that listening to my ****? Actually I'm done unless someone has something worth responding to now.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

EXACTLY! You didn't enjoy the other as much as your wife!! That's a gut feeling. It's telling you to stick w what you two have together.no guest stars required!

The fact that you'd be willing to do it again after feeling you prefer your wife is a prime example of just thinking about the pleasure of excitement.it's taboo and that's the only reason you want it again. If you cave to that crap,you're not listening to your gut.


And listen YoungFool...this place is public. Post your business and expect to get opinions that you won't like. Don't like what some are saying? Delete the thread bc it's obvious you don't want to reflect on the consequences this may have on your marriage in the long run.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## inarut

You are the one picking and choosing what you want to hear. You enjoying your wife more has nothing to do with the points others are trying to make. 

Yes, the majority in this forum do not believe in open relationships but you are still getting valid feedback. You seem blind and in denial to the pitfalls you are on the precipace of by continuing the experimentation with this particular couple and particularly this so called best friend who seems to have completely and utterly betrayed you. Did he have informal consent? 

If you are ok with your wife having sex with others (I am not so sure you are. I agree with faithful about what your feelings mean) fine but this situation isn't likely to end well in my opinioni. I think you are playing with fire for all the reasons that have already been stated. I hope we are all wrong and you won't be back here some time time in the future with a sad, sad story......

Also, if you were so confident about things you wouldn't be so ruffled and defensive....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Malcolm38

The 3-some, 4-some, 8-some thing is always a fun fantasy that turns out to be a really crappy idea if you actually want to be married for a long time. 

Yes, I'm sure there is someone out there who has done it their whole life and they are so happy together they complete each other's sentences, being soul mates and all. 

But generally it will just be a life of paranoia and wondering if she is going to be having too much fun without you.


----------



## ASummersDay

YoungFool, speaking only for myself, I'm not sure I understand why you would entertain the idea of doing it again. The only reason I say this is because, if it goes badly the second time for you, you may have an even tougher time reconciling your unpleasant emotions. And if that happens, you won't have the luxury of never seeing the other people involved. I am not going to try to deter you from experimenting if that is what you want to do, but I would strongly advise you to choose people that you never have to see again if things don't go well.


----------



## Grayson

YoungFool said:


> Like that, why take a shot? Making jokes is not providing perspective. If anything it only serves to anger someone and narrow their view. That and this thread seems to have run away from the original point. I wasn't asking how to do this right or looking for advice on my marriage. I was just looking to see if someone could help me sort out my aftermath emotions. Kaboom has helped a ton (Even if he wasn't always "positive" either) and I'm sure there were at least a few other useful post.
> 
> Check your definition of useful before you come at me with some more childishness.


No shot, just a play on words. And the suggestion by including the term in quotes that a true "best friend" doesn't help himself to your wife while you're out of the room and respond to getting caught by suggesting you do the same to his gf.

And, all this is by way of saying that your "aftermath emotions" are having a hard time reconciling with your "aftermath thoughts." You want to be ok with what happened because you don't want to risk losing either of the two most important relationships in your life. And, hey, maybe your marriage is one of the rare ones that can withstand jumping into some semblance of a swinging lifestyle without even looking at the water first. Maybe not. So, I'll just repeat my wish of luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## See_Listen_Love

The only positive explanation of it happening is that you were too drunk to know what you were doing, and to remember what exactly happened.

The drinking and its consequences are your own issue. You can't take that out on your partners in crime.

For the rest of your life take it as a lesson to drink less, and to communicate, that is have meaningful conversations, regularly with your partner. Once a week a couple of undisturbed hours.


----------



## JCD

Translation:

"I feel weird and bad about what happened.  Instead of explaining to me WHY I feel weird and bad, help me NOT feel weird and bad so I can do it again."

If that is the kind of help you want, fine. They knew that even while drunk and out of the room, that you would be fine for them to do the deed and could deal with it emotionally. They didn't do it because they wanted to...they did it because YOU wanted to...out of the room and across the hall. Certainly not because they wanted to pass the point of no return before you had a chance to rethink things.

If that is what you want to go with


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## RandomDude

Mate, I have group-sex fantasies as well, I even lived it out with one of my ex gfs, but it ended badly for both of us. My c--k even proposed such an idea to my later wife, who thankfully rejected it.

Some fantasies have way too many consequences to be worth a mere few nice orgasms.


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## SomedayDig

OP...you've read a lot of stuff from people who have experienced infidelity from one side or the other. It's up to you to choose what to do with the abundance that has been shared. If you really think you want to follow through with what the majority thinks is not the best idea for your marriage, then maybe a forum for swingers is where you should make your next post.


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## JCD

SomedayDig said:


> OP...you've read a lot of stuff from people who have experienced infidelity from one side or the other. It's up to you to choose what to do with the abundance that has been shared. If you really think you want to follow through with what the majority thinks is not the best idea for your marriage, then maybe a forum for swingers is where you should make your next post.


Statistically, monogamy works. Historically, monogamy works. Cross culturally, monogamy works (Polygamy is a byproduct of unrepresentative states allowing the very richest to get away with things that most men and women don't want. Would YOU like The Inca to be able to drag your wife, daughter, sister to his harem and leave you without marital options? Democracy killed polygamy)

Every hundred years or so, you get some reemergence of that whole 'free love/partner swapping without regret BS'. Guess what? It never lasts. It goes against human nature. People get jealous. People are possessive. People want partners they can trust. We are not bonobo chimps.

Good luck in your endeavors. Your gut tells me that you can't do this. But you aren't listening to it any more than you are listening to me.


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