# New to the Forum



## DavidRoo (4 mo ago)

Hi, I’m David and I’m a father of two young kids. I’m at lost and not sure what to do. My wife is a self fish individual she wants all decisions to be made by her. She doesn’t want me to have a say. I work and provided for the family on my own for years while she stayed at home. A couple of years later we had 2 kids. Her parents started to come live with us from abroad and in less than a year brought a house near by without me knowing here. She then decided to bring the kids over to her second home and little by little it became the kids second home. I did not want to cause any grief for my kids or fight infront of them so I let them stayed with the mother since I work full time. I would go over to her/her parents house to sleep and have dinner from time to time. She would bring the kids over the weekends to my place from time to time at her convince however recently in the last couple of months my wife has stopped that. Her father and herself don’t trust any one, I felt like I’ve don’t everything right. The only things I refused is to let her gaslight me, manipulate, walk all over me and make me feel like ****. I work, provided full financial support bro our family. I took care of my kids and cook for my family after work ( because she doesn’t) and yet I’m treated this way. She refuse to use her savings that she has for the family. basically her money is her’s and my hard working money is her’s. I think things would have been a little different if she treated me with some respect and an human being but she doesn’t. She constantly puts me down and my way of parenting is ****.

I’m not sure what to do or whether there is an out that would have minimal damages. I am scare that my kids will be manipulated and I won’t get to see them again or how much I want to be with them.

Any advice would be appreciated.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

DavidRoo said:


> Hi, I’m David and I’m a father of two young kids. I’m at lost and not sure what to do. My wife is a self fish individual she wants all decisions to be made by her. She doesn’t want me to have a say. I work and provided for the family on my own for years while she stayed at home. A couple of years later we had 2 kids. Her parents started to come live with us from abroad and in less than a year brought a house near by without me knowing here. She then decided to bring the kids over to her second home and little by little it became the kids second home. I did not want to cause any grief for my kids or fight infront of them so I let them stayed with the mother since I work full time. I would go over to her/her parents house to sleep and have dinner from time to time. She would bring the kids over the weekends to my place from time to time at her convince however recently in the last couple of months my wife has stopped that. Her father and herself don’t trust any one, I felt like I’ve don’t everything right. The only things I refused is to let her gaslight me, manipulate, walk all over me and make me feel like **. I work, provided full financial support bro our family. I took care of my kids and cook for my family after work ( because she doesn’t) and yet I’m treated this way. She refuse to use her savings that she has for the family. basically her money is her’s and my hard working money is her’s. I think things would have been a little different if she treated me with some respect and an human being but she doesn’t. She constantly puts me down and my way of parenting is **.
> 
> I’m not sure what to do or whether there is an out that would have minimal damages. I am scare that my kids will be manipulated and I won’t get to see them again or how much I want to be with them.
> 
> Any advice would be appreciated.


@DavidRoo , welcome to TAM. I’m sorry you’re here with this problem though!

I’m sorry to say friend, but this is exactly what’s happening:
”_The only things I refused is to let her gaslight me, manipulate, walk all over me and make me feel like ****.”_

Why in the world did she move out?
And why were you ok with it?
Now you get weekend visitation with your kids and you seem ok with that too?

It sounds to me like your wife doesn’t respect you and has left you. You just haven’t realized it yet.

The “minimal damage” route depends on what you want, and what type of damage you would consider minimal.

If she doesn’t have a bf or two then you need to work on yourself and stop putting up with this BS. Then get to counseling with her and fix this mess.

If she does have a bf then go see a lawyer and file for divorce. They will guide you on the child custody parts.

Best of luck to you David


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## DavidRoo (4 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> @DavidRoo , welcome to TAM. I’m sorry you’re here with this problem though!
> 
> I’m sorry to say friend, but this is exactly what’s happening:
> ”_The only things I refused is to let her gaslight me, manipulate, walk all over me and make me feel like ****.”_
> ...


She moved out because she couldn’t get along with my parents or family. She wanted to isolate me from friends and family. She question everything I do and who I’m talking to. She wanted me to share my house with her parents but not my own.
She wants me to treat her parents as if they are the only set of parents I have. She wants me to listen to her and do things her way. There is no middle ground.

she decided to move and buy her house because her future plans was to have her parents immigrate to Canada and use the second home as a place to go to when she doesn’t get her way. She was divorced once and I don’t know what the reason was. I heard from her father her ex cheated on her whether that is true or not I will never know. She lies and never tells me anything. She does have trust issues. She can go out alone with a guy but I can’t speak on a phone with a colleague without being questioned with a million questions.

she moved out as a way to get back at me for “disobeying” and not listening to her like a mindless puppet. She has her parents to help and I have no one here. My family does not live in the same province.

when my father passed away she wouldn’t even let me bring the kids to see him for one last time. I admit I am not confrontational, I am soft because i think about the kids. Denying the kids to spend time with the father is wrong!

ive suggested to go see a marriage counselor but she refused and keep blaming me for everything. how do you have a calm conversation with someone who yells, puts you down, throw things in the house and say everything is your fault when I know now everything is.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Hi DAVID 

SO you have got Divorced without you even knowing it , 
and you agreed to pay her full up keep with every cent you make , 
your ex wife because there is no reason in calling her your wife so is far from a wife ,


”_The only things I refused is to let her gaslight me, manipulate, walk all over me and make me feel like ****.”_ 
*I love the way to stand up to her , 
can you show us how ? as I can't see it 

she is winding you around her little finger,(manipulate, )
and her family are with her on it 
they are thinking of their old age where they have their little girl around to mind them *

I KNOW a guy that has a good job his wife is a stay at home woman that tries to do arts and crafts from home , they pay all wages into an account he gets to spend just 20 euro a week but it is agreed between the 2 of them that the money that is put away is for the twins collage , 

why is you wife saving the money has she a plan or is it just a rainy day fund or is it for when she can live without you ,


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

She lies and never tells me anything. She does have trust issues. She can go out alone with a guy 


she moved out as a way to get back at me for “disobeying” and not listening to her like a mindless puppet.

She was divorced once and I don’t know what the reason was. I heard from her father her ex cheated on her whether that is true 

She wanted to isolate me from friends and family. She question everything I do and who I’m talking to.

CAN YOU SEE ANY THING WRONG HERE? 

ive suggested to go see a marriage counselor but she refused and keep blaming me for everything. how do you have a calm conversation with someone who yells, puts you down, throw things in the house and say everything is your fault when I know now everything is. 

Well it is not going to fix it self like this , 
you can only do one of 2 things ,PUT up with IT 
or GO FOR divorce there is no talking to her she seems to think she is right and your the one that is wrong , your children are shown everyday that your a worth sh1t , and will grow up with no respect for you


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## DavidRoo (4 mo ago)

frenchpaddy said:


> Hi DAVID
> 
> SO you have got Divorced without you even knowing it ,
> and you agreed to pay her full up keep with every cent you make ,
> ...


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

first thing to do 

you have 2 houses , can you rent out the second house ? 

you or she move into one house like 99% of people it gives you more income as well , put the money from the rent away for the kids ed AND put your wages in to it as well , pay your wife into the other account money to run the house and bill paying , 

A bit of put the shoe on the other foot ,


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## DavidRoo (4 mo ago)

@frenchpaddy 
I don’t know what her funds are for but I’m certain it’s for rainy days. Every time I mention it she would say she has no money. But I see brand name clothes and gagets spent on herself.
I see flags, but I was stupid not to walk away because I was in love with her and gave her a benefit of a doubt . She’s the only child and I understand her dad will protect her. I also believe the father is the toxic one too because even in situations where she is at fault he would side with her.
I feel l have no grounds to win. 

Thanks,

David.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

If you caught her cheating red handed, what would you do about it?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

who's name is the second house in ?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

DavidRoo said:


> But I see brand name clothes and gagets spent on herself.


 SO SHE can do all this on your wage , and you don't seem to know if she has bank accounts ,

I Think it was here or it might be on another forum a poster came talking about her husband that lived above his means , turned out he was a male escort , 

just putting it out there as it is time to start thinking , and looking for the story behind the story


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

If she's not living with you , does she have a boy friend ?


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## DavidRoo (4 mo ago)

Jimi007 said:


> If she's not living with you , does she have a boy friend ?


Not that I’m aware of. She is living with her a dad only as far as I know.


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## DavidRoo (4 mo ago)

frenchpaddy said:


> SO SHE can do all this on your wage , and you don't seem to know if she has bank accounts ,
> 
> I Think it was here or it might be on another forum a poster came talking about her husband that lived above his means , turned out he was a male escort ,
> 
> just putting it out there as it is time to start thinking , and looking for the story behind the story


She’s buying this from her own bank account. Money she has earned working in her home country for 25 year before coming here. She made the same as


frenchpaddy said:


> who's name is the second house in ?


i believe it’s her’s and her Dad. I doubt she will put it for rent. If they do, her parents will be left with no where to stay.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DavidRoo said:


> She’s buying this from her own bank account. Money she has earned working in her home country for 25 year before coming here. She made the same as
> 
> i believe it’s her’s and her Dad. I doubt she will put it for rent. If they do, her parents will be left with no where to stay.


So where does her mum live?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I say this kindly. You need to grow a backbone.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

DavidRoo said:


> i believe it’s her’s and her Dad. I doubt she will put it for rent. If they do, her parents will be left with no where to stay.


SO if I get it she lived in another country where she was married and after her Divorce she moved to Canada , what brought her to Canada ? 
SHE MARRIED you and moved into your house, after some time her two parents moved to Canada 
they might have sold their house to buy this house with her , we and you don't know , 

You talk a lot about her Father like his wife is the puppy, 
Could it be Daddy is too much of a daddy , I am thinking along the lines of sleeping with her 
do you know 100% she was married before ,
there is so much here not right but you seem it , 

what is to stop you from moving into her house and rent out your house,


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Just divorce. This is a stupid way to live.


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## DavidRoo (4 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> So where does her mum live?


Her mom is still back in her home country. It’s also buzzard that only her Dad came over and both both. I don’t know why. I would ask but I know she’ll just make up something.


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## DavidRoo (4 mo ago)

frenchpaddy said:


> SO if I get it she lived in another country where she was married and after her Divorce she moved to Canada , what brought her to Canada ?
> SHE MARRIED you and moved into your house, after some time her two parents moved to Canada
> they might have sold their house to buy this house with her , we and you don't know ,
> 
> ...





frenchpaddy said:


> SO if I get it she lived in another country where she was married and after her Divorce she moved to Canada , what brought her to Canada ?
> SHE MARRIED you and moved into your house, after some time her two parents moved to Canada
> they might have sold their house to buy this house with her , we and you don't know ,
> 
> ...


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## DavidRoo (4 mo ago)

DavidRoo said:


> At first I thought she made a bad choice and was with the wrong person. These things happens and I believe in second chances and I love her. She was very charming and nice when we dated. Then after marriage I believe she wanted to come to Canada to get away from her past (what ever happened) and get a P.R so she can have rights to live in her home country and here. The next step was to get her Parents a P.R.
> 
> I have a feeling (I could be wrong) that the money they used to purchase the house here is from her previous divorce settlement. they still have two houses back at home. The father is retired and her mom I have no idea.
> 
> ...


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@DavidRoo. I'm not saying this to be unkind or cruel to you, but the thing is that you come across as a complete and utterly SIMP. Your so called "wife" married you, took your balls away and stashed them somewhere where you can't find them. The first thing you need to do is get your balls back and reattach them so that you can get rid of the paralyzing fear you carry with you. She knows what you are and that's why she has not respect for you or the marriage. You are nothing but a bank account to help her roll her lifestyle. 

Having said all that to see if it helps to wake you up, out of the fog you've been living in all these years, what you actually need to do is to immediately consult with a couple of lawyers to find out where you stand economically, legally and children custody (which should be 50/50), and then divorce her. Knowledge is power. Get that knowledge, and let the professionals get you out this muck of a marriage. I'm pretty sure that your kids as they grow and see your weak and pathetic character will lose their respect for you also. Don't let that happens. Man up.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

You are not setting a good example for your kids. They will model this behavior when they get older. You need to do the right thing for them and not tolerate this, which likely means divorce.

If your wife is actually violent, isn't letting you see kids, you need to document that.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Brother what a mess. Someone already posted your divorced and don't even know it. For your sake and the kids sake end it. This is beyond toxic! Love is not like this. Yes you love her, but it's not returned. Not normal, not right. As to her father...this is an odd relationship? Don't be so sure about another bf. With a father like that controlling her mind, he's probably already set her up with his pick for the dance and you are history except for money and "sponsorship" for immigration through your legal marriage. Pull the veil aside and take a real look!


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Please don't waste people's time and emotions here continuing to whine but do nothing! You have seen almost a matching chorus of what to do from many. Lead, follow, do something but get off the f***** fence man!


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