# Why is my kid afraid?



## Robert_1985 (7 mo ago)

Everyone in my family love dogs. But when we go over to my brothers house, my four year old little girl gets scared out of her mind. My brother has a 260 pound English mastiff, the dog is really sweet. But for some reason my little girl doesn’t want to be anywhere near the dog. From day one, she has just been terrified of the dog, she was really hesitant to meet the dog the first time, she did it. But then I noticed that she was afraid. 

why is this? We have a border collie at home and they get along and play together just fine. When my brothers dog starts barking or stands up, or just walks near her, my daughter will run to me wanting to be picked up. She doesn’t even want to be in the same room as the dog, even when I’m holding her In my arms, she doesn’t want me to go anywhere near him.

of course I respect my daughter and I make sure she feels safe. But why is she like this?

My brothers dog has done nothing wrong. Why is she acting so scared of him? Like I said we have a border collie at home and they play together. Is she just pretending to be scared for attention 😀 ? What’s up?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

A border collie (that's what, 60 lbs?) vs a Mastiff that's probably over 100 lbs and looks completely different? She's not seeing a dog, she's seeing a beast. Mastiffs are the sweetest dogs but they do look scary, especially if you're a very small person. She is not pretending to be scared for attention, she is scared because that is a HUGE dog. She may warm up over time, but we have family friends that have labs whose kids are afraid of my dog and the size difference is about 60 lbs.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Hello? Is this a joke? Dog 5 times her size? That’s scary


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

It's normal for children (and even adults) to be afraid of dogs that they don't know, especially huge dogs. Don't try to force her to interact with the dog. Reassure her that the dog won't hurt her and comfort her when she's afraid, but I wouldn't ask to have the dog put outside or away from her. 
Dogs that big have a tendency to knock kids over without noticing. Mastiffs also tend to lean and stand on people's feet. Could this have happened to her?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I manage a claim department for a major US carrier. I have seen tragic dog mauling cases you wouldn’t believe. Horrific scaring to the face, the body, you name it. One case involved a dog literally biting the nose off of a 3 year old blonde haired blue eyed girl after hopping the fence from the neighbors yard. Dogs are animals and thus, extremely unpredictable. I would never have my little girl or boy around a 260 pound animal.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I don't know if you're fir real, but as an adult you should realize (at least instinctively, if not taught) that we humans just as any other species in this planet have as part of our survival mechanism build in (genetics) fears. It comes instinctively for anything that nature has taught us through hundred of thousands years of evolution. 

We all have fears. Fear is a good thing. It helps you to stay alive. If the gazelle wouldn't fear the lions, she would be dead.

We all as part of our genetic makeup have fears in degrees. Some humans have more fear to certain things than to others. You might have fears of heights, while not having any fear to bees, for example. Fears can also be pathological as in phobias.

Your child is just expressing her natural tendency towards an unfamiliar predator (dogs are predators). She's not used to such big animal. She will have to learn to accept the dog at her own pace, or not at all. Don't push her, you would only accentuate her fear.

Be smart about it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TexasMom1216 said:


> A border collie (that's what, 60 lbs?) vs a Mastiff that's probably over 100 lbs and looks completely different? She's not seeing a dog, she's seeing a beast. Mastiffs are the sweetest dogs but they do look scary, especially if you're a very small person. She is not pretending to be scared for attention, she is scared because that is a HUGE dog. She may warm up over time, but we have family friends that have labs whose kids are afraid of my dog and the size difference is about 60 lbs.


It's more than that... the OP says the dog is* 260* pound English mastiff

That's bigger than most people, and it has big teeth, and very strong jaw. 

I've had large dogs that were big babies.... Newfoundlander, and a Mongolian Mastiff / German Shepard mix. 

But I can see why a small child would be afraid of the 260lb very powerful dog.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I have been thinking about my post and would like to amend my comment above. The dog can hurt her. I'm not sure if you meant 160 lbs. or 260 lbs., but either way, these dogs can easily knock down a small adult, even more so a small child. That could cause a child to get hurt. Also, depending upon how well trained the dog is, they can run someone over quite easily, so you have to watch out for them. I have seen children unintentionally hurt by these dogs. It's never been serious, but it could be, if a he were to knock her down the stairs or against something.

Therefore, I wouldn't tell her that the dog won't hurt her. I would tell her that the dog is friendly, but he's a dog, and dogs don't really understand like people do. It's important to be aware of him, so she doesn't get knocked over. It's probably still going to happen though, because dogs and kids.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> It's more than that... the OP says the dog is* 260* pound English mastiff
> 
> That's bigger than most people, and it has big teeth, and very strong jaw.
> 
> ...


This sounds more like a bear than a dog, according to OP.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Why do you care if your kid is afraid of a huge dog? Do you expect her to like all dogs? They're not for everyone. I personally don't care for most dogs, especially bad ones and their indifferent/apologist owners.

My daughter likes dogs too much, and it has gotten her hurt a couple times. Caution with animals is warranted. Take notes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RebuildingMe said:


> This sounds more like a bear than a dog, according to OP.


Just a sweet little guy..










🤣 😂


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Look at this puppy though ❤❤❤❤


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I do think it's a little weird. But I would be more interested in finding out if she's afraid of all big animals like ponies.

Kids are just different but usually it seems like something would have gotten that started. But it could be something you're not even aware of.

My next door neighbors had four children and chickens. Three of their children would mingle with the chickens and even pick them up and pet them and help them take care of them. But their next to the youngest was terrified of them from the time she could shriek. I would hear her sleeping and I go outside and she would be hiding under a little bush and there would be a chicken nearby.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

That dog weighs as much as an adult man - and a big man at that, holy heck, it's not surprising that she's nervous. That'd be like introducing us to an elephant, lol.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

frusdil said:


> That dog weighs as much as an adult man - and a big man at that, holy heck, it's not surprising that she's nervous. That'd be like introducing us to an elephant, lol.


Still there's a lot of kids who aren't afraid of big animals. So it's kind of curious why and I wonder if they could just ask her why she thinks she should be afraid of it. Maybe it's the drool.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Still there's a lot of kids who aren't afraid of big animals. So it's kind of curious why and I wonder if they could just ask her why she thinks she should be afraid of it. Maybe it's the drool.


My son has no fear of any dog, ever. He goes to the dog shows and cuddles with the mastiffs and Dobermans and Rotties. But butterflies, when he was little there was no nightmare like a winged nightmare.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Still there's a lot of kids who aren't afraid of big animals. So it's kind of curious why and I wonder if they could just ask her why she thinks she should be afraid of it. Maybe it's the drool.


Good point, very possible. She may be more grossed out than scared.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> My son has no fear of any dog, ever. He goes to the dog shows and cuddles with the mastiffs and Dobermans and Rotties. But butterflies, when he was little there was no nightmare like a winged nightmare.


That's how I always was. I would go hop on the back of random horses in someone else's pasture without anything around their neck. Maybe she thinks it looks like the Tasmanian devil.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

I also have an English Mastiff and while big, they're generally very lazy, friendly, and gentle dogs. I can see why the sheer size would scare her though, since a lot of people I run into are afraid of mine for the same reason.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I love the brindle mastiffs.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

My sister's grandson is 6 and he is afraid of our dog.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diceplayer said:


> My sister's grandson is 6 and he is afraid of our dog.
> 
> View attachment 88305


I’m fairness, that is clearly the canine incarnation of doom. 🥰🥰🥰🥰


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Unless you have reason to believe that something has happened with your brothers dog or at your brother's house, then I'd let it go. 

Do not force the dog on her or dismiss how she's feeling. 

A 250lb dog is HUGE and you said in another post that your daughter is small for her age. An average 4 year old is only 40lbs. 

That'd be like you being introduced to someone's pet lion. Would "but he's friendly and just a big kitty!!" make you feel safer?


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

How much does your daughter weigh? Probably around 40 pounds.That dog is 6x her size. 

Now remember that dogs sense energy. The dog knows she is afraid but doesn't understand why she is projecting negative energy. So the dog interprets that as danger & he reacts to what he is afraid of & they spiral out of control. Eventually this dog will hurt your child.

Forget the psychology of it. Just protect your kid. Be her parent, her source of safety,


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> I've had large dogs that were big babies.... Newfoundlander, and a *Mongolian Mastiff / German Shepard mix.*


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ILOVEmyFAM said:


> Everyone in my family love dogs. But when we go over to my brothers house, my four year old little girl gets scared out of her mind. My brother has a 260 pound English mastiff, the dog is really sweet. But for some reason my little girl doesn’t want to be anywhere near the dog. From day one, she has just been terrified of the dog, she was really hesitant to meet the dog the first time, she did it. But then I noticed that she was afraid.
> 
> why is this? We have a border collie at home and they get along and play together just fine. When my brothers dog starts barking or stands up, or just walks near her, my daughter will run to me wanting to be picked up. She doesn’t even want to be in the same room as the dog, even when I’m holding her In my arms, she doesn’t want me to go anywhere near him.
> 
> ...


So I googled 260 pound English Mastiff...










Maybe because he can swallow her whole?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RandomDude said:


>


I had on of those dogs... well he was half German Shepard and half Mongolian Mastiff. He was huge. And he was the biggest baby ever. Thought he was a lap dog. 
🤣


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

ILOVEmyFAM said:


> Everyone in my family love dogs. But when we go over to my brothers house, my four year old little girl gets scared out of her mind. My brother has a 260 pound English mastiff, the dog is really sweet. But for some reason my little girl doesn’t want to be anywhere near the dog. From day one, she has just been terrified of the dog, she was really hesitant to meet the dog the first time, she did it. But then I noticed that she was afraid.
> 
> ...What’s up?


Have you asked her?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

One of my children was afraid of dogs as a small child. We adopted a rescue dog a few years later and she adored her. She loves dogs more than the other two now.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I had on of those dogs... well he was half German Shepard and half Mongolian Mastiff. He was huge. And he was the biggest baby ever. Thought he was a lap dog.
> 🤣


It's usually the case that the really big dogs are the soppiest.


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## Robert_1985 (7 mo ago)

ILOVEmyFAM said:


> Everyone in my family love dogs. But when we go over to my brothers house, my four year old little girl gets scared out of her mind. My brother has a 260 pound English mastiff, the dog is really sweet. But for some reason my little girl doesn’t want to be anywhere near the dog. From day one, she has just been terrified of the dog, she was really hesitant to meet the dog the first time, she did it. But then I noticed that she was afraid.
> 
> why is this? We have a border collie at home and they get along and play together just fine. When my brothers dog starts barking or stands up, or just walks near her, my daughter will run to me wanting to be picked up. She doesn’t even want to be in the same room as the dog, even when I’m holding her In my arms, she doesn’t want me to go anywhere near him.
> 
> ...


Thank you everyone for your responses. I will try my best and not force anything. I appreciate you all taking the time to help me. Thank you again everyone.


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## Armandocorey (6 mo ago)

Hi eveyone


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## Robert_1985 (7 mo ago)

Cynthia said:


> I have been thinking about my post and would like to amend my comment above. The dog can hurt her. I'm not sure if you meant 160 lbs. or 260 lbs., but either way, these dogs can easily knock down a small adult, even more so a small child. That could cause a child to get hurt. Also, depending upon how well trained the dog is, they can run someone over quite easily, so you have to watch out for them. I have seen children unintentionally hurt by these dogs. It's never been serious, but it could be, if a he were to knock her down the stairs or against something.
> 
> Therefore, I wouldn't tell her that the dog won't hurt her. I would tell her that the dog is friendly, but he's a dog, and dogs don't really understand like people do. It's important to be aware of him, so she doesn't get knocked over. It's probably still going to happen though, because dogs and kids.


The English mastiff is exactly like the border collie in every way in that they are very sweet and would never ever hurt anyone. Also the border collie is a lot bigger than my little girl and has the potential to easily knock her to the ground with no effort as well, but he would never ever do that. The dogs are all super sweet. 
I’m just a little confused because my daughter immediately started playing with the border collie as soon as they met, but she wanted nothing to do with the mastiff even when they were meeting each other.


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## Robert_1985 (7 mo ago)

EleGirl said:


> It's more than that... the OP says the dog is* 260* pound English mastiff
> 
> That's bigger than most people, and it has big teeth, and very strong jaw.
> 
> ...


But it just doesn’t make sense, our border collie is bigger than her, and she isn’t hesitant whatsoever, even when they first met.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Robert_1985 said:


> The English mastiff is exactly like the border collie in every way in that they are very sweet and would never ever hurt anyone. Also the border collie is a lot bigger than my little girl and has the potential to easily knock her to the ground with no effort as well, but he would never ever do that. The dogs are all super sweet.
> I’m just a little confused because my daughter immediately started playing with the border collie as soon as they met, but she wanted nothing to do with the mastiff even when they were meeting each other.


Dogs don't think like people do. A dog can be as sweet as could be and still accidently knock you over. I've been around quite a few large dogs and they can't pay attention the way a person can. They lack understanding.


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## Robert_1985 (7 mo ago)

Cynthia said:


> Dogs don't think like people do. A dog can be as sweet as could be and still accidently knock you over. I've been around quite a few large dogs and they can't pay attention the way a person can. They lack understanding.


My border collie can also knock her to the ground as well, The border collie and the mastiff both have the potential but she wasn’t even scared to meet collie


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Robert_1985 said:


> My border collie can also knock her to the ground as well, The border collie and the mastiff both have the potential but she wasn’t even scared to meet collie


 Could you post a picture of this English mastiff?


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Robert_1985 said:


> The English mastiff is exactly like the border collie in every way in that they are very sweet and would never ever hurt anyone. Also the border collie is a lot bigger than my little girl and has the potential to easily knock her to the ground with no effort as well, but he would never ever do that. The dogs are all super sweet.
> I’m just a little confused because my daughter immediately started playing with the border collie as soon as they met, but she wanted nothing to do with the mastiff even when they were meeting each other.


So what? Stop making excuses for a gigantic terrifying looking dog, and trying to make her like something she's afraid of. WTF.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Robert_1985 said:


> But it just doesn’t make sense, our border collie is bigger than her, and she isn’t hesitant whatsoever, even when they first met.


Border collies are tiny compared to an English Mastiff. I've had border collies; they are smaller and delicate in comparison. Plus, they have smaller, pretty faces. Their mouths are tiny compared to an English Mastiff.

Your need to respect your 4yr old daughter's concern about a dog that is many times larger than she is. You, as her father, need to support her when she has a natural reaction to danger. If you teach her to ignore the red flags that go up for her around this huge dog, you are teaching her to ignore danger... such as men who are a danger to her. Women have very good intuition; we can often pick up vibes from people and dogs that are a danger to us, and we need to respect that intuition.


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## sleeping_sandman (2 mo ago)

Robert_1985 said:


> The English mastiff is exactly like the border collie in every way in that they are very sweet and would never ever hurt anyone. Also the border collie is a lot bigger than my little girl and has the potential to easily knock her to the ground with no effort as well, but he would never ever do that. The dogs are all super sweet.
> I’m just a little confused because my daughter immediately started playing with the border collie as soon as they met, but she wanted nothing to do with the mastiff even when they were meeting each other.


and


Robert_1985 said:


> My border collie can also knock her to the ground as well, The border collie and the mastiff both have the potential but she wasn’t even scared to meet collie


I know I am late to this, but maybe it reaches you. 

I don't say the Mastiff is evil or anything, it's genetics is nothing it is responsible for, but to put in perspective of what we are talking about: 

You compare a herding dog, the border collie, to a dog that descended DIRECTLY from a dog breed that was SPECIFICALLY created to MURDER opponent soldiers on the battle field, the Mastiff. The Molosser (it's precursor) was bred by the romans exclusively for attack and guard purposes. 
A herd dog like your Collie was specifically bred to NOT hurt those it protects and herds. 
And for the Collie your daughter is exactly that. A thing to protect because it seems to have value to his master, you. 
The Collie would die to protect your daughter. 

The Mastiff of your brother on the other hand - 1.000 years of war, murder and mayhem on the battlefields of Europe and Africa coursing through his veins. 
Fear and the sense of pain bred out of his genetic template ages before you, your brother or this dog were even born. 
And he sees that there is a small thing in the room that seem to annoy his master, your brother and you. Because he can not understand you, he just sees your reaction, you are amused and a bit annoyed. Your post tells me that. And the dog smells and feels that. 

Pictures of Molosser are even memorialised at the column of Trajan in Rome. As warhounds, in packs...

THAT is the fundamental difference between the two. Genetics. Purpose. Protection and safekeeping against Murder and wholesale mayhem. 

How would you react if your brother put a loaded and fireready gun on the coffeetable in reach of your daughter and leave the room? Even for a minute? 

THAT is exactly what you do to your daughter. You try to convince her to play with a murder machine, because nothing happened so far. And then you will revert your attention elsewhere, just for a minute. And a minute is all it takes. 
She is 4 years old, ffs

In my hometown there were 106 incidents with dogs and children in 2021 alone. 
And in NOT ONE of the children came out as the winner or at least unhurt. 
These dogs go in for the kill. ALWAYS. And even more scary they go for the faces of children. ALWAYS. 

I had to personally witness the aftermaths of two of these 'accidents' through my job as a paramedic and counsellor. 
ALL of these were commited by dog breeds considered dangerous, by the way. No Collie or Poodle or whatever. Mastiff, Bulldog etc... 
Muscle dogs. Descendants from the roman Molosser breed just like your brother's. 2 millenia of murder and mayhem bottled up in genetic code and then put in a close quarter environment with unpredictable children. What could possibly go wrong? 

And you know what? ALL of the owners told me that their lovely, pretty murdermachine never ever did that before. How could they have possibly known? 
Can you even begin to imagine what it means for the father in me to see these little ones bleed out there on the floor, convulsing in pain, not able to cry and scream because there is nothing left to cry from. 
Can you? 

And always I have to put on my compassionate costume and sooth them while my colleagues trying to piece together what is left of the victim of this oh so peaceful beast and rush them to the hospital where doctor's like my wife desperatly try to save what is not saveable. 

I do this job for nearly 3 decades now and the stories are always the same. 

I am SO sick of it 
Sick, because I will also be there some years upstream when these mutilated victims stand at the rails of some random bridge in the middle of the night to end the misery that should have been a wonderful journey called life. 
I will be there and try to convince a boy that living without a proper face is worth it shortly after some random girl told him to screw off, she wants nothing to do with a freak like him. 
I am SO sick of it.
I will be there and try to convince a girl that living without half a ribcage and a missing breast at an age where you are Self-consciousness to the n-th degree is fine and worth it even when the boys make fun of "one-tiddie". 
I am SO sick of it.
I will be there when their parents or relatives come to the stark realisation that I am up there because of THEM. THEY are the reason for me standing at this rail holding a wreck that should have been a spiritful young person in my arms while my colleagues prepare for the drop that hopefully never comes. 

But not now. Not this time. 
Because your daughter is still fine and you are... I don't know. 
Your starting post asks why she is like this. Seriously? Are you ****ing serious? If you are:

Go on your knees. Go down to the place where the head of your daughter is. And then look up to the mastiff when he stands there. Right in front of you, 250 pounds of flesh and teeth breathing into your face with spit drops landing all over you. 
And now try to imagine that you are not a 100 kg human male with a mind and muscle set to kill an attacking predator with bare hands but a 40 kg human female with the body of a child. WHAT DO YOU SEE?
And then ask again why she is ACTING afraid. She is NOT acting, you... argh... 😡💢

There is only one thing you can do: Separate your daughter from that godforsaken dog. Completely, no questions asked. No whys and ifs. 
Not you nor your brother will be able to defend her when the attack will eventually come, because the predator sensed the fear of it's prey one time too often. 

And then she will stand up there one day with a guy or girl like me trying to convince her that there is more to live for even with these horrific scars. 
And you will have to come to the conclusion that YOU are the reason for it. Not the dog, YOU. 
So never, ever even think again that she is afraid of a monster 6 times her size and with fangs longer than medieval daggers just 'for attention'. 
Help her. 
Then one day it will not be her name in the news. Because were there for her in the hour of need. You can look back with pride instead with shame and dread to this day. 
Because you are a father who protects his daughter from the monster in the closet instead asking on the internet if she is acting for attention in the presence of a monster. And she love you even more for it because that is what she sees - a monster.

Please, I know my rant is unfair and hurtful. But these kind of living, breathing relics of ancient warfare have no business whatsoever around little children.


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## Robert_1985 (7 mo ago)

h


sleeping_sandman said:


> and
> 
> 
> I know I am late to this, but maybe it reaches you.
> ...


The dog would never ever do anything to hurt her, even the border collie has the potential but never would.

and the border collie is bigger than my daughter, why wasn’t she scared of the border collies size and strength advantage?
My daughter is 30 pounds and the border collie is 60 pounds, even though the border collie has a good 30 pounds on my little girl, she is not scared whatsoever, so what’s the difference? Why would she be so frightened of the other dogs?


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Because one of them is a huge, slobber-covered, mean-looking beast. Why the obsession with getting her to like this dog? How would it benefit you or her? It seems some respect for her boundaries is lacking here.


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