# How often does your wife compliment you?



## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

My wife never compliments me.

Never says I am a good dad

Never compliments me on my looks

Never ever compliments me on anything. Is this normal?


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Rare is the week that passes without without my wife complimenting me on something.

I don't know what "normal" is, but a lot of couples do not regularly compliment each other.


----------



## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

Boxing judge said:


> My wife never compliments me.
> 
> Never says I am a good dad
> 
> ...


Forgive me for playing Devils Advocate, but considering the dearth of info you provided, how often do you do the same for her? I'm not looking to agitate you as you now have me asking the same question, but I've learned a lot from this site and most of us 'nice guys' forget it's a 2 way street. Watch out for that comfy victim chair to your right. 

Have any more background info? It might shed more light on your situation, as well as help others in the same boat.

Cheers,
V(13)


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

That is a sad state of affairs to not receive any compliments. Same ? as the PP, how often do you compliment her?

In our house it is daily, anything from what a sexy arse, great meal, how handsome/beautiful the other is, what a great parent/friend/lover the other is etc.

Lol I even compliment my ex on occasion, I don't see the need to be stingy with compliments.


----------



## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

Boxing judge said:


> My wife never compliments me.
> 
> Never says I am a good dad
> 
> ...


My STBXW never did, not once. My gf doesn't either but with her it's different. When she looks at me I know she admires me. I don't need verbal validation from her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

Voltaire2013 said:


> Forgive me for playing Devils Advocate, but considering the dearth of info you provided, how often do you do the same for her? I'm not looking to agitate you as you now have me asking the same question, but I've learned a lot from this site and most of us 'nice guys' forget it's a 2 way street. Watch out for that comfy victim chair to your right.
> 
> Have any more background info? It might shed more light on your situation, as well as help others in the same boat.
> 
> ...


 I do not compliment her very much, but I do compliment her while we are having sex. I am stingy with my compliments because she never compliments me.


----------



## muguremaina (Aug 20, 2014)

oH God people are different, coz my husband does not like compliments he just doesn't:scratchhead: like being told hes smart or hes done good, he just like to be criticized all the way...so wierd


----------



## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

muguremaina said:


> oH God people are different, coz my husband does not like compliments he just doesn't:scratchhead: like being told hes smart or hes done good, he just like to be criticized all the way...so wierd


 In my opinion it's always nice to receive compliments this shows that you're appreciated


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Boxing judge said:


> I do not compliment her very much, but I do compliment her while we are having sex. I am stingy with my compliments because she never compliments me.


Two wrongs do not make a right. You should compliment her at every given turn. It will become contagious. You should receive some back. 

PS. she may not be complimenting you because you are not of her.


----------



## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

> How often does your wife compliment you?


No where near enough


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Boxing judge said:


> My wife never compliments me.
> 
> Never says I am a good dad
> 
> ...


The complements are important to you, but does she criticize you all the time?

The reason I ask is because some people aren't good at dishing out complements but their actions sometimes show their appreciation.

If she isn't overly critical of you , then the book on Love languages might be able to help solve the problem.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

It may be that she doesn't realise this is important to you. If you rarely compliment her, it would be fairly normal for her to assume that you don't find this an important part of your relationship. If she grew up in a home where making someone a cup of tea when they got home from a hard day at work was the way to show appreciation, it may be that she's showing you plenty of appreciation in her own ways but you aren't recognising that because you need to hear it instead.

I know you asked the men, but here's my side anyway; I don't think I compliment DH all that much now that I think about it, but he's doesn't really compliment me either. We have covered what we love about each other a fair bit over the years but not generally in the form of a compliment. It's hard to explain. I'm not comfortable with compliments generally, they feel empty to me most of the time. DH will show that he likes how I look by getting frisky, or make me feel that he finds me funny by laughing at something I say, or grinning with delight when I win at something. We could both probably step up our game a bit and make sure we compliment each other more, but we've also learnt how to read each other so that a lot of the time, we don't have to say anything at all.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Never


----------



## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

sadly never.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Daily, on a variety of things. (It's such a nice change from my ex, who almost never had anything good to say.) I compliment her on many things, too.

Sometimes it may work to start complimenting them sincerely, as that may inspire them to do the same. Of course, some will never respond positively to anything you say or do, because sadly they really don't like anything about you.


----------



## magnolia2014 (Aug 29, 2014)

Boxing judge said:


> I do not compliment her very much, but I do compliment her while we are having sex. I am stingy with my compliments because she never compliments me.


Women like to be complimented and NOT just while having sex. I would start complimenting her more and see if she starts complimenting you. Maybe she's feeling the same way??? I compliment my husband on a regular basis so that he knows how much he's loved and appreciated. My H doesn't compliment me as much, but when he does I know it's truly from the heart.


----------



## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

Very rarely. I compliment her often. She does tell me that she loves me many times a day.


----------



## ILuvTheDesserts (Aug 29, 2014)

Rarely nowadays 

Though I do try my best to stay fit and have lost about 10 to 15 pounds in the last 6 months it's gone unnoticed. I'll keep at it more so for my 2 children so I can be with them for as long as possible


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I think the no compliment thing is an attempt at controlling the relationship. Think about it. EVERYONE has things to be complimented about. 

When a person does not compliment at all, it either means they're unhappy with themselves and/or perceive that the other person has the relationship edge. No compliments is a CONSCIOUS attempt to make the other person feel less good about themselves.........because they feel bad about themselves.

It is a game. A sort of cruel game; "I won't say anything nice about you in the hope that you'll believe there is not all that good about you, and so I'll feel better about myself, because I'm not that good".

I say nice things about my wife as often as I can. I constantly remind myself to say good things about her. It's pretty easy right now because only married 15 months. Lets see where I am 5 years down the road. But I vow never to allow myself to take her for granted.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

My partners marriage is a typical example I think.

When they were dating and for the first year or two of their marriage he would mention all the great things she would say about him. The Fog of love? Something happened around year two. Either she woke up out of her fog and realized who this guy really is, or she just perceived it was time to gain control of the relationship.

The compliments stopped. They turned to criticisms. She was always on his case. Constantly. Was this the same guy?????

At one point, it was really going rough. He told me "if I could just get $15K together for myself, I'd be outta here!".

To his credit, he got a lot of counceling and turned things around and regained control over how he would react to her and saved the marriage.

Things are going pretty well for him these days. She's still a bit of a beotch in my opinion, but then I'm not married to her, so what I think doesn't count. They go on vacations and have a pretty good time. Kudos to him.


----------



## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

In my 22 yrs of marriage.....I've rarely ever heard the words ILY or any form of compliments. It used to upset me but now it doesn't even bother me at all.
Now ... I don't expect any compliments from him and I don't fish for it either.....apparently....I'm very comfortable with it. 

I still give my h an odd compliment here and there....so he feels appreciated...but I don't go full out like I used to.


----------



## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

Ya know, it could be that your wife doesn't realize you want to be complimented because:

a) You haven't told her, or
b) Compliments have been so watered-down by their pervasive encroachment into every social situation that she doesn't even really pick up on it when you compliment her, or
c) You only compliment her during sex,

or all three or none of these! You need to talk to her about it in a direct way. 

Personally, as a wife, I assume my husband doesn't really want compliments. Why? He laughingly brushes it off if I call him hot, etc., he rarely compliments me, he's never told me he likes compliments / verbal validation, and finally, I have different ways of expressing my admiration and love. 

I'd certainly hope he would not start offering me more compliments with the expectation of receiving compliments in return and with the assumption that if I don't start complimenting him like crazy, it means that I don't love him. I'd hope he would bring it up to me directly rather than playing games.


----------



## SunnyWife (Aug 6, 2014)

dignityhonorpride said:


> I'd certainly hope he would not start offering me more compliments with the expectation of receiving compliments in return and with the assumption that if I don't start complimenting him like crazy, it means that I don't love him. I'd hope he would bring it up to me directly rather than playing games.


Very good point. 

Hubby & I have gone through this but in reverse. Many years ago I had that conversation with him asking him why didn't compliment me very often. Turns out it was something he was very uncomfortable with because it wasn't done very much in the family he grew up in. He figured that I knew he liked how I dressed (etc) from his actions and didn't really need to be verbalized. I've learned over the years to read his behaviour more and in turn he's learned to be more comfortable with giving verbal compliments -- still not as often as I'd like but I've learned to be OK with it. Communication really is key!


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

a couple should probably go out of their way to compliment each other on something at least once a day. 

I guess i get compliments a few times a week.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

It's easy enough to say people should compliment each other, harder to actually do it. Like some of us have mentioned, growing up in a household where you rarely heard compliments between family members, or when they were used, they made others feel bad (gushing compliments about how one child was soooo talented, nothing about the other children, but this wasn't restricted to one child, all children were gushed about at one stage or another, but then knew how it made the others feel and so didn't enjoy it at all). Yes, that was me by the way. Now when people compliment me I have to force myself to respond and I feel awkward and embarrassed. Then, because a person cannot help but see life through their own perceptions, complimenting others feels unnatural to me as I can see for most people it causes discomfort and I don't want to do that to them (just the other day I complimented my boss that she looked very nice, and I could see it made her squirm, and now I know she isn't comfortable with compliments). 

This is why I prefer other ways of complimenting. Giving a look/smile/cheeky remark etc. Showing appreciation by keeping DH's dinner warm in the oven when he gets home late, sitting with him to chat while he eats. Dh knows this about me, which is why he never comes out and says, 'you look great' or whatever, there are other ways.


----------



## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

This is very insightful. I've never quite looked at it through this lens.... but it makes total sense.



jorgegene said:


> I think the no compliment thing is an attempt at controlling the relationship. Think about it. EVERYONE has things to be complimented about.
> 
> When a person does not compliment at all, it either means they're unhappy with themselves and/or perceive that the other person has the relationship edge. No compliments is a CONSCIOUS attempt to make the other person feel less good about themselves.........because they feel bad about themselves.
> 
> ...


----------

