# I don't know anymore...



## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Ok...for those of you who was kind enough to read my previous posts...i thank you so much.
It's been over a year since my stbxh and I separated. I tried everything I can possibly swallow in order to facilitate reconciliation but my stbxh was adamanat that there will be none.
I was so angry, bitter, resentful, sad, depressed and all the horrible emotions that most of us go through, for the year that we separated.
Finally...my daughter sat me down and told me that I need to stop. She's graduating from psychology and has been my personal counsellor for the past year. She said that I need to understand people on their own terms, meaning my stbxh and his family for everything that I believe he and they did to me/us.
I swear to you people...when your child speaks to you with such wisdom and kindness, it's like an epiphany. It's like a cold water was poured all over me, and I really stopped being angry, and resentful. I'm still sad, but I no longer dream of ways I can get back at my stbxh and his family for all the transgressions they did to me.
I started talking to my stbxh in kindness, I became very patient, because like my daughter said...All the past hurts and insults that he did to me will never happen again, it's my choice.
After the divorce, I will not have to see or talk to him or any of them forever since we have no children together.
So...I started toying at the idea of dating. A friend introduced me to this guy, and he's been kind and wonderful. He calls me every night just to ask me how I am, and gives me words of encouragement, which in our lonely world is just gold..
We're friends now, and I can't start any serious communication with him since I'm still technically married. I told him my divorce will be final in 90 days, then we can really start getting serious. I know he wants to get physical and so do I. (it's been a year, ladies and gentlemen, and i have needs as well.) When I say physical...I meant kissing, hugging, first base or however you call it. Sex is too intimate, and I think it will take a long time to get there.
but anyway...my stbxh called and told me that I need to sign another mutual consent to divorce form since I messed the other one up by dating it. I said, "I apologized and go ahead and send it and I will sign it and have it notarized right away." I opted not to hire an attorney since I didn't go for any of his assets, not a single blind penny.
this has been 30 days ago, I keep asking him to send me a new document and he keeps saying he will send it, but he never does.
I don't know if he got wind of this guy that I am slowly falling for, and is just being vindictive, or he's having second thoughts but as usual, doesn't have the balls to admit it.
what do i do? I'm so freaking confused about pushing for the divorce and moving on, or have hope again that my stbxh has finally seen the light of day and decided to keep our marriage after all...
any thoughts will be gladly appreciated.
On the bright side..it doesn't really hurt anymore. Truly folks, an attention from the opposite sex, whether it's serious or not gives you a boost of self confidence. Forget about those self help books about finding inner happiness. Humans are innately social, you need another human being to feel needed and loved...just a thought.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

ProfJ said:


> this has been 30 days ago, I keep asking him to send me a new document and he keeps saying he will send it, but he never does.
> I don't know if he got wind of this guy that I am slowly falling for, and is just being vindictive, or he's having second thoughts but as usual, doesn't have the balls to admit it.
> what do i do? I'm so freaking confused about pushing for the divorce and moving on, or have hope again that my stbxh has finally seen the light of day and decided to keep our marriage after all...
> any thoughts will be gladly appreciated.
> On the bright side..it doesn't really hurt anymore. Truly folks, an attention from the opposite sex, whether it's serious or not gives you a boost of self confidence. Forget about those self help books about finding inner happiness. Humans are innately social, you need another human being to feel needed and loved...just a thought.


You sound like you are in better spirits/place. I can't help but be a little jealous. It does sound confusing w/ him stalling like this and you having a nice gentleman friend waiting patiently for you... nice. I totally understand about needing human contact/man's touch!


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## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

Ok. Do this. Send it certified. If he signs to receive it you will get notification of that. Then you put the heat on big time. If he doesn't sign for it you will also get a return. It's proof that you have attempted and then maybe you get an attorney to write a letter indicating that you want to change the terms originally agreed upon. Ie money.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are signing a consent form. Are you 100% certain that you know what he is filing? While you are not going for any of his assets he could give himself all of your assets and monthly spousal support payments.

Just a thought. When I filed my divorce this last Monday my husband kept offering to take the papers to the court house himself so I could just go to work. 

Since they contained consent papers I made sure that I hand carried them down there so that he could not change out any of the paperwork. I doubt he would have, but it's far to important a set of documents to just sign consent and let someone else take care of it.

IMHO


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> You are signing a consent form. Are you 100% certain that you know what he is filing? While you are not going for any of his assets he could give himself all of your assets and monthly spousal support payments.
> 
> Just a thought. When I filed my divorce this last Monday my husband kept offering to take the papers to the court house himself so I could just go to work.
> 
> ...



Thanks elegirl...I really am not going for any of his, and he already signed the consent form for my 401K to change beneficiary. Money and assets is not the issue here. We don't even have a settlement agreement as my lawyer said, if he's not asking for anything, and I'm not asking for anything. All we have to do is sign a mutual consent form to divorce, submit it to the prothonotary, don't do anything, wait for 90 days, then we can submit a divorce request, the divorce will be finalized in 2-4 weeks.
But he claimed I shouldn't have dated the mutual consent form, he said, he was worried that I may mistakenly date it so he photocopied the form. Asked him to send me a new one and I will sign it, not date it, and have it notarized.
I called him last night to ask about it, and now he's telling me a different story. He said it was fine to date it, he's just waiting for the 90 days to submit it. 
Truly, I can't make heads nor tails of what this guy is thinking.


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

dazed/confused said:


> Ok. Do this. Send it certified. If he signs to receive it you will get notification of that. Then you put the heat on big time. If he doesn't sign for it you will also get a return. It's proof that you have attempted and then maybe you get an attorney to write a letter indicating that you want to change the terms originally agreed upon. Ie money.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Hi Dazed...it was my stbxh who needs to send the form back to me in order for me to sign it. We both need to sign a mutual consent form to divorce. He will have to sign it, send it to me, then I sign it as well. But so far...he has not sent me anything.


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

it sounds like you're on the right path emotionally, very happy for you! don't let yourself get caught up in his "thinking"...just find out facts...did he submit your original signed consent form and is waiting 90 days to submit the divorce request?


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

ProfJ said:


> Ok...for those of you who was kind enough to read my previous posts...i thank you so much.
> It's been over a year since my stbxh and I separated. I tried everything I can possibly swallow in order to facilitate reconciliation but my stbxh was adamanat that there will be none.
> I was so angry, bitter, resentful, sad, depressed and all the horrible emotions that most of us go through, for the year that we separated.
> Finally...my daughter sat me down and told me that I need to stop. She's graduating from psychology and has been my personal counsellor for the past year. She said that I need to understand people on their own terms, meaning my stbxh and his family for everything that I believe he and they did to me/us.
> ...


I think we are married to the same man. I'm glad that you seem to be handling it emotionally.

I hope it works out the way you want it. For me, I love my husband and wish he would reconsider.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

sadwithouthim said:


> I think we are married to the same man. I'm glad that you seem to be handling it emotionally.
> 
> I hope it works out the way you want it. For me, I love my husband and wish he would reconsider.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Trust me sad...I was in the same boat you're in right now. I was praying night and day for my stbxh to change his heart.
I don't know how it happened but it did...I finally realized I can no longer chase after someone who doesn't want to get caught.
I didn't have anything to do tonight so I went to dinner with this guy that my friend has been asking me forever to date.
He brought me roses, chocolates, and pistachios because my friend said I was addicted to it. I don't feel anything for this guy, but he showed me that there is a possibility there that someone can actually care for me the way my stbxh never did.
That's it's possible to be treated right...
You'll get there too, just hang in there...


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

ProfJ said:


> Trust me sad...I was in the same boat you're in right now. I was praying night and day for my stbxh to change his heart.
> I don't know how it happened but it did...I finally realized I can no longer chase after someone who doesn't want to get caught.
> I didn't have anything to do tonight so I went to dinner with this guy that my friend has been asking me forever to date.
> He brought me roses, chocolates, and pistachios because my friend said I was addicted to it. I don't feel anything for this guy, but he showed me that there is a possibility there that someone can actually care for me the way my stbxh never did.
> ...


I hope you are right. I think about him every second of the day and night. I'm just so sad at the loss and want nothing more right now than to work this out but also know you are right that I'm just chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught.

I'm glad you are healing. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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