# Delaying Ejaculation - Men...how do you do this?



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

A friend of mine is having a tough time in her marriage right now...there were a lot of external stressors, resulting in ED and then PE for her poor hubby. He is very "alpha" I guess you'd call it, so it was shattering for him to have these problems.

The ED has resolved, but the PE is persisting and he's almost at the point where he won't have sex with her at all...which will only compound the problem I would imagine.

I asked my hubby how he controls his O's but he wasn't really helpful, lol. He said he just focuses, lol. That's clearly not enough in our friends case.

Is there anything else they can try? Anything physically he can do in the moment to try to delay things a bit?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

PE is a relative term. Is your friend's alpha husband the one saying too soon or is it his wife? He might want to last longer but she might be ok with the timing. I will continue assuming it is a problem for both them.

External stresses can significantly affect sexual performance. One of many options for the husband to consider is to see his doctor and discuss both the stress and the PE. The doctor may prescribe a low dosage SSRI that would help both with the stress and have the side effect of delaying E. DE is a known side effect of SSRIs and are often prescribed for PE (my doctor said that to me). A true "alpha" has no fear of seeing his doctor to discuss this. 

Others will suggest non drug solutions for PE including start-stop, kegels, thinking baseball stats etc. 

The husband is caught in a vicious cycle - avoiding sex because he is worried about PE - that only adds to the problem. A SSRI might be short term solution to break that cycle and have him return to normal. If it works for him, he should never stop taking the SSRI without discussing with doctor how to do it. You cannot stop cold turkey.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Try this https://www.promescent.com/


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

peacem said:


> I know you are asking men so I hope you don't mind answering....
> 
> Be careful when diagnosing PE. It is normal for men to ejaculate within a few minutes and to try and delay that can cause other problems. My husband went from PE to ED to DE and it caused him a lot of distress only to find out most of what he was experiencing is just normal but the stress was making things worse. I now encourage him to just let go and not worry and that is where sex toys benefit men as well as women. Taking the pressure off to perform in a 'timely' fashion means a much more varied sex life, some time it last a long time other time it is over quickly - both is OK as long as he doesn't turn over and leave me unsatisfied.


No that's ok, thanks for replying 

From what she's told me, he ejaculates literally a second after penetration, and a couple of times he hasn't been able to even penetrate her. 

It's hard (no pun intended), I can only go on what she's told me, its not like I can ask him directly. If he knew she'd told anyone he'd be horrified, understandably, but she needed to reach out to someone. I feel for the both of them...such a tough situation.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Position has a lot to do with it. I can go along time with woman-on-top or missionary, but doggy-style makes me pop like a champagne bottle. My only method to keep the cork in is to imagine myself playing golf at the Boulders in Carefree, AZ. I see the sand trap at hole 15...the one that at the corner of the dogleg in the fairway....that ate my ball every time I played there. I imagine trying to wedge my shot out of that canyon, and it works like a charm. 

But the minute I look down and see her beautiful butt...whammo....launch sequence underway....


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Tell him to think of his sister naked.

Note this could backfire if he's got incesant thoughts about his sister.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

OP, was PE always a problem or was this a new occurrence? Position may not help if the man is done before he starts. The husband may need to see a (sex?) therapist to understand what changed and what he can do to fix it. Again, an alpha embraces a problem and takes charge. He should not fear a therapist. It is not a "physical" solution to your last question but still an option. 

Probably a TMI discussion to have with his wife, but long does he take to recover and go again? It may help him to solo a few hours before he is with the wife. That might allow him to last longer.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

frusdil said:


> I asked my hubby how he controls his O's but he wasn't really helpful, lol. He said he just focuses, lol. That's clearly not enough in our friends case.


Close call for your husband (sorry, "hubby"/"wifey" makes me wanna yark): he narrowly avoided having to admit what he focuses ON!:smile2: Baseball, football, taxes, any mundane buzzkill obligation ("gotta remember to pick up struts and shocks at Kragen tomorrow")...it really does work to head things off!

Physically, get used to going up to the edge and backing off so you get a precise feel for the point of no return, then apply that by stopping momentarily as needed during sex. The woman has to cooperate for this to work; if she keeps bouncing around it's all over, unless you just pull out completely. Some positions give you more control over this than others. 

The real challenge is women who just want to be pounded in the G-spot for a Really Long Time. Sometimes you're desensitized enough to keep this up, sometimes you can get that way after several cycles of edging, but sometimes you're just so aroused you can't go that long & hard...in which case oral, fingers, toys come in very handy. Again, she has to be on board; some women are very particular with the "...but I want it to be your c0ck, not something else!" 

In which case, max dose of cialis/viagra, second-round and/or morning sex are best option. :grin2:


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
ED, PE, DE - stress can cause all of these - and each can be a source of stress. I think the first approach is to be sure that he has other ways to please her (so he doesn't worry that he has "failed" in bed), and stop worrying about them. Give it a month or two and the problem may go away on its own.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Some combination of him masturbating to climax 36 to 48 hours before PIV, and using condoms with a numbing agent might help. I know I don't like condoms that much, but my wife sometimes likes them when we are doing PIV and she doesn't want me to cvm inside of her or on her, just less messy that way.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

What is PE and DE?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

PE = Premature ejaculation
DE = delayed ejaculation, or unable to orgasm (male)


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Phil Anders said:


> Close call for your husband (sorry, "hubby"/"wifey" makes me wanna yark): he narrowly avoided having to admit what he focuses ON!:smile2: Baseball, football, taxes, any mundane buzzkill obligation ("gotta remember to pick up struts and shocks at Kragen tomorrow")...it really does work to head things off!


Haha! I'll have to ask him to be more specific re his focus, rofl! I wonder if he'll tell me?

Thanks for all the suggestions, I'll pass them onto my friend. I think that's the best way...I suggested to my husband that maybe he could talk with her husband about it and he looked at me like I had 2 heads, lol, sooooo I don't think that will be happening


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

frusdil said:


> From what she's told me, he ejaculates literally a second after penetration, and a couple of times he hasn't been able to even penetrate her.


In certain kinky relationships, a man can have induced premature ejaculation. To the point that climax can occur at the idea penetration is imminent. This effect can be reversed by forcing the man to ejaculate when he is not aroused. The resulting stamina that follows is that arousal occurs but the ability to climax will take some time to build. 

Perhaps she could unexpectedly wake him up with oral sex, then later in that morning/day engage in sex to see if that helps his endurance.

Badsanta


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Here's something I've never quite grasped.

With nearly all the women I've been with, if I slowed down/stopped/changed position, it didn't just slow down my orgasm,_* it slowed theirs down too*_. 

Where the woman in question needs (say) twenty minutes of continuous sex with the rhythm, intensity, position etc basically not varying, providing the twenty minutes as four sections each of five minutes isn't helpful. 

To what extent are the "stop sex and restart" methods zero-sum games, where everyone's orgasm is moved back together?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Get a prescription for Paxil. After taking it for several days, the problem likely cease.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

frusdil said:


> No that's ok, thanks for replying
> 
> From what she's told me, he ejaculates literally a second after penetration, and a couple of times he hasn't been able to even penetrate her.
> 
> It's hard (no pun intended), I can only go on what she's told me, its not like I can ask him directly. If he knew she'd told anyone he'd be horrified, understandably, but she needed to reach out to someone. I feel for the both of them...such a tough situation.


Does he watch a lot of porn?

Masturbate a lot?

Probably not the issue, but worth looking at.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Sawney Beane said:


> To what extent are the "stop sex and restart" methods zero-sum games, where everyone's orgasm is moved back together?


Well, there's definitely something to that. Sometimes the female orgasm seems like building a house of cards, where any misstep means starting from square one again. So stopping can be counterproductive. But I've also noticed that when I'm fighting "PE" (not clinical PE, just defined as "before I want to"), the start/stop business can produce a "numbing" effect after a few cycles. 

The closest analogy I have is slightly gross, but if you're out somewhere and need a bathroom yet can't find one, and you "hold it", the urgency returns a few times but then eventually subsides for a longer period when your body decides this is just not happening right now. That seems to be true of orgasm as well. 

So in that case, stop/start may delay her O, but that doesn't matter if it gets me to a point where I can jackhammer away for that 20 min. Then you can always layer on the other strategies if need be (buzzkill thoughts, not looking at her a$$/tit$/beautiful eyes or whatever might send you over the edge too soon). 

If it routinely takes her that long, though, I think it's better to get her close by other means...oral, manual, toys, mental arousal. Then that 20 min might become 5 or 1. 

Of course, this is all only relevant for that subset of women who orgasm from PIV in the first place...


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Phil Anders said:


> Of course, this is all only relevant for that subset of women who orgasm from PIV in the first place...


Especially that sub-subset who will orgasm from PIV if you were able to go _just a bit_ longer...:laugh:


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

First, his body is working fine. He needs to ditch any negative self criticism over this. From an evolutionary standpoint, men have been designed to finish fast. It's the safest way to get a woman pregnant in unsafe or non-consensual situations.

Second, his wife needs to ditch any shaming or blaming she's doing, if she is. What's happening when he finishes so fast is not what they want, but it isn't wrong, bad, broken, or shameful.

There are numbing agents out there which are supposed to work. Or if they don't use condoms currently, he can use a condom to reduce the sensation. These may help, but it is a mental thing at the root of what is happening.

I suggest taking PE out of the equation altogether. Encourage him to finish when and where he wants. Then if she still wants more, he can focus on getting her to her O. If he finishes early on, he will probably regain is erection before the end of the session and can then try a second time.

I am guessing that PiV is where he usually finishes. When they go to PiV, it is a signal that he is now "permitted" to cum. When he is not permitted, maybe during oral or manual foreplay, he can hold off. He knows he can't go there, so he holds back enough to never get to the edge. But when they transition to PiV his mind knows he is going to get to finish, and the internal barriers go down. He lets himself get to that edge and he can't stop himself from going past it.

Another option is to start with PiV. Let him finish when he does. Then they can move to manual or oral after that. He may last longer in the first place if they start with PiV, and that would be good for his psychology. It also takes away his worry or focus during the session about what is going to happen later when they get to PiV.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Thor said:


> *Another option is to start with PiV. Let him finish when he does. Then they can move to *manual or *oral after that. *


A lot of guys will have trouble doing it in that order, for obvious reasons.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

blueinbr said:


> A lot of guys will have trouble doing it in that order, for obvious reasons.


He can wear a condom, or pull out and finish elsewhere on her.


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## Uro-Dr (Feb 1, 2016)

I am a urologist specializing in sexual dysfunction. SSRI's should not be used for PE because of the side effects (dry mouth, nausea, loss of libido, inability to focus). The are systemic and need to be built up and taken every day and the half life is very different base on the individual. I Europe there is a prescription drug called Fortacin that is soon to hit the market, so if yo are in Europe watch for that. Here in the U.S. there is a remarkable new product called Promescent and it is over the counter. Yo can go to their website and they list the pharmacies that carry it (some urologists carry it a well) or you can order directly from them. www.promescent.com It is the primary treatment for 1400 urologists in the U.S. and it is really effective.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Uro-Dr said:


> I am a urologist specializing in sexual dysfunction. SSRI's should not be used for PE because of the side effects (dry mouth, nausea, loss of libido, inability to focus). The are systemic and need to be built up and taken every day and the half life is very different base on the individual. I Europe there is a prescription drug called Fortacin that is soon to hit the market, so if yo are in Europe watch for that. Here in the U.S. there is a remarkable new product called Promescent and it is over the counter. Yo can go to their website and they list the pharmacies that carry it (some urologists carry it a well) or you can order directly from them. www.promescent.com It is the primary treatment for 1400 urologists in the U.S. and it is really effective.


Are you really a doctor or a saleperson/investor from Absorption Pharmaceuticals? If you are a urologist then you know that the AUA and institutions such as Mayo Clinic do specify SSRIs as possible treatment for PE (as did my primary care physician, although that is not why I take a SSRI.) It is your statement that SSRIs "should not" be used is what flags this for me. I would expect a doctor to discuss with the patient the potential options and pros/cons of each to find best treatment. A systemic solution, which might provide for more sexual spontaneity, might be a better solution than having to apply topical lidocaine 10 minutes before sexual intercourse. If promescent or other OTC anesthetic creams or sprays work for some, that is great.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Promescent was recently mentioned in Mens Health magazine as one of very few over the counter desensitizing agents which really does work.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

Keeper63, I thought surely we were the only ones to use condoms to keep down the mess! I am with you, never liked them, but the wife and I started using them occasionally a few years ago
if we are going to have sex and she doesn't want to get back out of bed. We don't use them every time, but we do sometimes, she calls me a "real gentleman" for using them. Or if I want sex and she doesn't,
she will ask me to slip one on and she will "let me have some". Works for me.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

My wife and I had a sex talk recently where I asked her if there was anything I could do differently/better when it came to our sex life.

One of the things she told me was that she would orgasm more quickly and more frequently if I could maintain a steady thrusting cadence when we have PIV. She said that when I slow down or stop to keep myself from climaxing, it messes her rhythm up, and makes it take longer for her to cvm.

She suggested that I masturbate more regularly, or that she could service me orally a couple of times during the week between PIV sessions. I was really pleasantly surprised by her suggestions, she usually takes the position that I should save all my sexual energy for PIV. Since our frequency of PIV is about 1 to 2 times per week because of work schedules, I'm very open to the idea of getting BJ's from her more often, especially if it helps me last longer, and helps her cvm more quickly and easily. She is unbelievably talented when it comes to giving oral, and getting more of it from her would be awesome.

Sex talks are good!


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Thor said:


> Promescent was recently mentioned in Mens Health magazine as one of very few over the counter desensitizing agents which really does work.


Promescent may work for some/many men but it is not the only option available. That is my only point. The "urologist's" post implied it is the primary/only treatment for PE and that is certainly not true. (Consult websites such as AUA, WebMD, Mayo Clinic etc). His/her posting used much of same language as Promescent's marketing campaign, which to me was a red flag. Anyone can buy it OTC from local drug store and give it a try. The active pharmaceutical ingredient is lidocaine a very common, very old local anesthetic agent, generally safe except for a small percentage that could have adverse reaction to it. It can be be used intravenously (by injection) or topically (as cream, ointment, spray or jelly). Lidocaine is often the ingredient found in sunburn relief sprays and many other products that might be in your medicine cabinet. With sunburn sprays the pain is reduced because the skin is numbed. 

With Promescent or any other numbing spray containing either lidocaine or a similar drug, the p**** is basically numbed to reduce the sensations that could lead to early climax. That reduces the pleasure for the man but does allow him to last longer. I believe that with Promescent formulation is designed so that the numbing agent is absorbed into the skin quickly to prevent the lidocaine (it is a FDA approved drug) from also numbing the female partner. 

Per the instructions, it should be applied about 10 minutes before PIV. As with most numbing agents for PE, it takes about 10 minutes to take effect but PIV before the 10 minutes could result in numbing of the partner too unless a condom is used. 

If someone want to try it, go for it. Just know it is not the only option and if this or similar spray/gel does not work, consult a medical doctor for alternatives. There are many drug alternatives for PE and many non-drug options to try.


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## D1C (Aug 29, 2015)

If he can't even get it in before he finishes.... Thats a major problem. I've never had this problem. He can get her off with his mouth or hand before penetration that way she gets hers and he gets his


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

D1C said:


> *If he can't even get it in before he finishes.... Thats a major problem.* I've never had this problem. He can get her off with his mouth or hand before penetration that way she gets hers and he gets his


Exactly right. That is why numbing sprays, start-stop, or thinking baseball stats will not work. The problem is all in his head (Pun intended.) Dude needs to go see his doctor if he ever wants to have PIV again and not just "get his".


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## sfalken (Nov 10, 2014)

What about this.. just push through it and keep going?

It may sound a little odd, but it works and it's fun. I'm in my 40s and for years I was DE, which was at times frustrating and wearing on my wife and I. We would go at times for an hour or more. Looking back, I think that I was holding back early opportunities to ejaculate during sex to ensure that we could play longer, and then I would get stuck in a longer cycle. (because she's just so irresistible - 5-10m playtime isn't enough for this hungry dog).

Then over the last year at one point I felt the urge to ejaculate coming on very early during one of our sex sessions, and I thought about just letting it happen and continuing without telling her... and that's what I did. It was intense, and I was able to ejaculate again about 10m later. Since then, I've been able to do this on a relatively consistent basis (yesterday for example) when time allows. By eliminating the anxiety involved in holding back, or getting there, Ive freed myself to have more orgasms. In the end, I get more pleasure out of it, and more time to enjoy her body and playfulness. As of yet she doesn't know when I ejaculate twice, because I think she would stop after the first one. (although she has commented on how wet things were a couple times)

For the couple you are describing, if she would be ok with him just "letting it happen" the first time, he could give it a try and go for the gold a second time - but there can be no waiting in between - thrusting must continue. A man doesn't have to be limited to once. That will ease his anxiety and would be fun for both.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

frusdil said:


> A friend of mine is having a tough time in her marriage right now...there were a lot of external stressors, resulting in ED and then PE for her poor hubby. He is very "alpha" I guess you'd call it, so it was shattering for him to have these problems.
> 
> The ED has resolved, but the PE is persisting and he's almost at the point where he won't have sex with her at all...which will only compound the problem I would imagine.
> 
> ...



As a married hubby of 16+ years, I also orgasm too quickly at times.

To resolve this, we have sex 2X.....first time I orgasm quick, but the second time, it takes a lot longer......

Or I relieve myself first, then when Mrs.CuddleBug is in the mood later, I last a long time.


You could also use creams that dull the sensation a bit.

https://www.promescent.com/about-promescent/delay-spray-delay-cream-delay-gel

http://www.mademan.com/mm/5-best-premature-ejaculation-creams.html


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

CuddleBug said:


> As a married hubby of 16+ years, I also orgasm too quickly at times.
> 
> To resolve this, we have sex 2X.....first time I orgasm quick, but the second time, it takes a lot longer......
> 
> Or I relieve myself first, then when Mrs.CuddleBug is in the mood later, I last a long time.


I heard that! 
We quit the old one and done routine years ago, for good reason! 

Never relieve myself first though, as Mrs Lurkster would rather be around for that! :grin2:


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Position has a lot to do with it. I can go along time with woman-on-top or missionary, but doggy-style makes me pop like a champagne bottle. My only method to keep the cork in is to imagine myself playing golf at the Boulders in Carefree, AZ. I see the sand trap at hole 15...the one that at the corner of the dogleg in the fairway....that ate my ball every time I played there. I imagine trying to wedge my shot out of that canyon, and it works like a charm.
> 
> But the minute I look down and see her beautiful butt...whammo....launch sequence underway....


This is a good one. 

I will disassemble & reassemble tools in my head -when its gonna be too quick....and avoid looking directly at the lady bits.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

MarriedDude said:


> This is a good one.
> 
> I will disassemble & reassemble tools in my head -when its gonna be too quick....and avoid looking directly at the lady bits.


Makes sense....but hard to do when I have my face firmly planted in her 'bits'. :grin2:

Been many times, that when Mrs Lurkster O's, so do I. 
No touching, no anything, just BLAM! :surprise:


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

frusdil said:


> Is there anything else they can try? Anything physically he can do in the moment to try to delay things a bit?


We don't fight it. If I go earlier than her then I go. After my orgasm I pull out and use my fingers in her while she uses her vibe. If I get hard again then I will go back in her for round two which lasts a bit longer.

If I have been drinking at all or if it's late then there is definitely no round 2.

I know not the answer to your question of how to last longer but it's how we handle this.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I used to suffer from PE for YEARS.
Currently, this is MY formula:

. 50mg Viagra (3 hours after last meal)
. Wine (one - two glasses)
. Testosterone cream (daily)
. 20mg Citalapram (daily)
. No masturbation. Save orgasm for wife, always
. Jelq 5 days per week

I can now last as long as I want to and am having the best orgasms of my life at 54 years of age. The more stimulation, the better.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

C-clamp?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Middle of Everything said:


> C-clamp?


I tried clamps, rings, straps, creams, jacking off before, trying to orgasm and keep going, etc. etc.
Nothing worked until I found my "formula."
Now, I feel like a porn star. Sometimes I can't believe it. It's like having a half hour orgasm with having an orgasm.


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## Oldmatelot (Mar 28, 2011)

UMP said:


> I used to suffer from PE for YEARS.
> Currently, this is MY formula:
> 
> . 50mg Viagra (3 hours after last meal)
> ...



That's some pretty heavy weight medication just to last longer. 

I couldn't do that just to keep pounding. 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

There are exercises that you can do with your hands on your peen, they are intended to increase girth and blood flow, but also have been known to increase stamina because of the sensation, or desensation

"Giggity Giggity!"


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Should have read this before last night - had a party where wife was dressed up and looked good. She was a bit drunk and was horny so we proceeded to do the deed. She was into it, talking dirty which I love, and I tried to delay because I felt myself losing it, which worked except that I overdid it to the point where I couldn't finish. As stated in prior posts, we rarely have sex (this was first time in about nine months) and I'm bothered that I couldn't finish.


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## Somebody in Nevada (Feb 22, 2016)

sfalken said:


> What about this.. just push through it and keep going?
> 
> It may sound a little odd, but it works and it's fun. I'm in my 40s and for years I was DE, which was at times frustrating and wearing on my wife and I. We would go at times for an hour or more. Looking back, I think that I was holding back early opportunities to ejaculate during sex to ensure that we could play longer, and then I would get stuck in a longer cycle. (because she's just so irresistible - 5-10m playtime isn't enough for this hungry dog).
> 
> ...


I've done something along those lines a few times. I'll lose my erection but so long as I remain most of the way inside her I can keep on as long as she wants. I try to avoid the situation because it's not as good for her as normal but it does let her get off if I couldn't hold it long enough. I do need her assistance in this--she needs to keep her legs together for this to work. I've never even come close to coming a second time this way, though. (If I were half my age I suspect I could have gone multiple rounds that way.)


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

sfalken said:


> What about this.. just push through it and keep going?
> 
> It may sound a little odd, but it works and it's fun. I'm in my 40s and for years I was DE, which was at times frustrating and wearing on my wife and I. We would go at times for an hour or more. Looking back, I think that I was holding back early opportunities to ejaculate during sex to ensure that we could play longer, and then I would get stuck in a longer cycle. (because she's just so irresistible - 5-10m playtime isn't enough for this hungry dog).
> 
> ...


I'll have to try this - this would have been great the other night, as she was as horny as I've seen in a long time. I could have come once and just kept going and she probably wouldn't have known.


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## fetishwife (Apr 22, 2012)

I take Cialis and/or Viagra. It does seems to help me last longer.


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## happywhereiam (Feb 29, 2016)

I had this problem and my wife started me on the road to discovery. She would do oral sex on me till I was about to lose it, then stop and after I calmed down a bit, she would do it again. After 2 or 3 times she would have me lie on my back then mount me, amazingly, with her on top I was able to go 5 or 6 minutes the very first time we tried that technique. After a while, I got to where I could cum almost any time I wanted to and last 15 or 20 minutes in almost any position.

Something I discovered doing missionary position was that if I braced myself with one arm and tensed that arm up when I was getting close, I'd go back to square one and get to spend another 5 minutes or so stroking fast and furious!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I don't know the answer.. my own husband has never had a problem with PE.. since our beginnings.. I have asked him - how do you do this.. are you thinking of an old granny or something to stop it.. 

He says No...but he does have to psychically stop..we are so in tuned to each other .. I can always tell... I have looked at his face at times and it goes from "in euphoria" to looking near painful...trying to hold out.. I'll say "I am killing you".. ha ha.. 

I don't know how he does it.. I don't think he's ever did exercises.. it's just something he's been able to control.. rather well..


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I don't know the answer.. my own husband has never had a problem with PE.. since our beginnings.. I have asked him - how do you do this.. are you thinking of an old granny or something to stop it..
> 
> He says No...but he does have to psychically stop..we are so in tuned to each other .. I can always tell... I have looked at his face at times and it goes from "in euphoria" to looking near painful...trying to hold out.. I'll say "I am killing you".. ha ha..
> 
> I don't know how he does it.. I don't think he's ever did exercises.. it's just something he's been able to control.. rather well..


I honestly think it has something to do with masturbation.
I know it sounds weird, but as soon as I stopped masturbating and saved myself for my wife, I could last as long as I wanted to.
Don't know why this would be the case. In fact, I thought it would be the opposite.

So, it's worth a shot. If a guy suffers from PE, stop masturbating for a month and see if it works.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

UMP said:


> I honestly think it has something to do with masturbation.
> I know it sounds weird, but as soon as I stopped masturbating and saved myself for my wife, I could last as long as I wanted to.
> Don't know why this would be the case. In fact, I thought it would be the opposite.
> 
> So, it's worth a shot. If a guy suffers from PE, stop masturbating for a month and see if it works.


Many would not believe this.. You may have a good point here (for whatever reason?).. but my husband, so he swears, except for ONE time.. has not masturbated our entire marriage.. That 1 time was in the am.. due to a co-worker telling him how to UP our odds of conceiving a GIRL...to Jack off that morning (knowing we were trying that night)... he did .. and we got our girl!... (I learned this many yrs later -when we opened up the masturbating discussion).. 

Asking him right here... before we met even.. he remembers reading an article on how you're supposed to masturbate but keep stopping.. this will help guys...I asked him if he ever did that.. he said No.. he didn't see any reason to, he just enjoyed it.. 

He kinda blows my mind as he said before we met he'd masturbate up to 5 times a day (he could do it a half hour later)....but after we started touching each other... *he saved it ALL for me*.. that's just how he felt about it... I told him he's not the normal guy by any stretch , that's near unheard of [email protected]#..I even told him he's not norma l [email protected]#

He has no reason to lie to me.. in fact he makes me LOOK BAD. as I did masturbate during our marriage.. We were both shocked..


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Delayed ejaculation? 

I did it by getting married. Now it gets delayed by weeks at a time.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

UMP said:


> I honestly think it has something to do with masturbation.
> I know it sounds weird, but as soon as I stopped masturbating and saved myself for my wife, I could last as long as I wanted to.
> Don't know why this would be the case. In fact, I thought it would be the opposite.
> 
> So, it's worth a shot. If a guy suffers from PE, stop masturbating for a month and see if it works.


it does sound counter intuitive, but i tend to agree (although not with certainty).

i think the argument for 'no masterbation' would go like this:

masterbation is a deviant form of sex. i don't mean necessarily evil, or wrong, but deviant in the sense that it deviates and detracts from the direct intimacy of real man-woman intimacy. any sexual activity that deviates from this direct human to human interaction (porn being the extreme example) will diminish or divert skills and natural response to the human to human interaction. one of those skills being lasting long enough to please your partner and 'being in tune' with their sexual response. masterbation for example can result in a very quick release, reinforcing a fast response time.

now don't get me wrong; i don't necessarily buy this, but just trying to put a plausible theory out there.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jorgegene said:


> it does sound counter intuitive, but i tend to agree (although not with certainty).
> 
> i think the argument for 'no masterbation' would go like this:
> 
> ...


Interesting... too much masturbation in a relationship can destroy intimacy... it's a sad sad thing that happens in many marriages... though I've also read that masturbating , when one has a really high Sex drive BEFORE being with the woman is helpful.. so he can last longer.... 

I know with my husband, who didn't.. I remember anytime I'd touch him.. WOW... I could literally FEEL the blood rushing in, he expanded so fast...he was READY to go!! most of the time he was already hard !.... but it's true.. we'd have to stop, so he could regain control or he'd easily go over the edge...even touching with hands...let alone putting it IN.. he had to have me almost ready to go.. 

We have a lot of sex today.. more than we did in our past even .. there is less stopping today than there was in our past.. honesty.. I think he did himself a dis-service not taking care of himself on occasion... I sure felt guilty learning this.. as I did on a # of nights feeling he wouldn't want woke up from his sleep! When I shared this with him..loved his comment.. he says to me.. 

"Hell, that was important.. that's like telling me the house was on FIRE!"...









He felt jacking to porn is like cheating (his words , not mine).. I looked at him and told him I was a cheater then .. never forget that night.. realizing how badly we missed each other in this.. just cause we didn't talk about masturbating, feeling it was "taboo".


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Interesting... too much masturbation in a relationship can destroy intimacy... it's a sad sad thing that happens in many marriages... though I've also read that masturbating , when one has a really high Sex drive BEFORE being with the woman is helpful.. so he can last longer....
> 
> I know with my husband, who didn't.. I remember anytime I'd touch him.. WOW... I could literally FEEL the blood rushing in, he expanded so fast...he was READY to go!! most of the time he was already hard !.... but it's true.. we'd have to stop, so he could regain control or he'd easily go over the edge...even touching with hands...let alone putting it IN.. he had to have me almost ready to go..
> 
> ...


I WANT my wife to masturbate. She said she has "never" done it. I've asked her on a number of occasions. I even bought her that hitachi thing. Her reply, "you satisfy all my needs."

I guess that's a good thing. I just want to watch her masturbate one of these days:grin2:


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

UMP said:


> I WANT my wife to masturbate. She said she has "never" done it. I've asked her on a number of occasions. I even bought her that hitachi thing. Her reply, "you satisfy all my needs."
> 
> I guess that's a good thing. I just want to watch her masturbate one of these days:grin2:


Watching is a rush for sure, but catching herby surprise!!! Or better yet, being a fly on the wall!!! WOW!!!

:grin2:


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Same problem at age 65. This is what we did and it will sound weird to you but it is going mainstream. My wife and I got into chastity play. My wife controlled my orgasms. She would edge me over and over again but deny me an orgasm. I wear a chastity device on my penis so that I cannot masturbate or even touch myself. You can buy a one size fits all plastic one from popular big name drug stores on their websites. They are advertised for masturbation control.

I will try to make the benefits to us brief. My wife gets to orgams anytime she wants without having to reciprocate. As a result she is having the best orgasms of her life. My wife constantly teases me but denies me an orgasm for various lengths of time. That keeps me sexually aroused and willing to please her all the time. She enjoys her nightly foot massages for example. We have become more intimate. Chastity is not having less sex, in fact it usually results in more sex. It is about controlling when the male can have an orgams. You could have sex every day if you want but only the female can orgasm at will

Aside from the above, it alleviates the performance anxiety I had about not being able to get erect, even with Viagra. The more I worried about ED, the worse it got. Now I have no pressure to get erect and orgasm anymore. I get to enjoy getting halfway to an orgasm over and over. Sex is basically the same except for the 5-10 seconds of my orgasm. Now that my orgasm are controlled and not as frequent as before, I can enjoy sex without thinking about if I will get erect or not or stay hard long enough. My wife is craftly, she may deny me an orgasm for a month but as soon as she sees that I am fully functioning, that will result if her giving me an orgasm by whatever means she wants.

I love it. I thought it was the stupidest and weirdest thing when I first read about it. Turns out that it fits us perfectly. No more having to worry about my ED and after prolonged orgams denial I can get erect with the merest of touches by my wife. It is becoming more popular for men with ED and husbands with a bad porn habit that results in them living their sex life online with frequent masturbation to the point that they either lose interest in sex with their wives or cannot perform due to excessive masturbation.

As I said, I though chastity play was stupid but after doing it for 3 years, our marriage and sex life is better as a result and I never worry about my ED. If I am ready, that is when my wife will allow me to orgasm, if not, she just lays back and enjoys her orgasms.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

Vinniedee, how did you approach or get your wife to along with being in a chastity device?

We practice what I call the honesty system, no chastity device, but wife controls all my orgasms. We only have full sex when she wants it and no masturbation without her permission first.

I find it very erotic, she teases me some about how I never know how long it will be before having sex again or getting to masturbate. I have thought about the chastity device, but was afraid to bring it up.


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## D1C (Aug 29, 2015)

UMP said:


> I WANT my wife to masturbate. She said she has "never" done it. I've asked her on a number of occasions. I even bought her that hitachi thing. Her reply, "you satisfy all my needs."
> 
> I guess that's a good thing. I just want to watch her masturbate one of these days:grin2:


My wife won't either. Some hang up about it


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## D1C (Aug 29, 2015)

Yall are not making getting old sound ANY fun... Man. If this is what i have to look forward to...


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## Naku (May 26, 2013)

I don't have time to read the whole thread, but I wanted to contribute a tip that might be useful. One of the side effects of the antidepressant Sertraline is that you can't cum. It can be frustrating. There have been studies done and a tiny dose, 25mg, 1/2 hour before sex can do the trick. I've accidentally taken it before sex and not just before sleep and it made a lot of frustrating work to cum. I wish I had had this when I was younger. See if this works for your friend.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Try incorporating sandpaper.


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## growing_weary (Jul 23, 2017)

Totally realized after the fact that I dug this up from the past, my bad. Delete please?


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## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

This is a great topic...Reading for a friend...lol


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

I have suffered with this all my life, I am now 55. It is a very difficult problem to fix. I know, I spent 8 years on and off going from therapist to therapist looking for help. In the end none could fix it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Position has a lot to do with it. I can go along time with woman-on-top or missionary, but doggy-style makes me pop like a champagne bottle. My only method to keep the cork in is to imagine myself playing golf at the Boulders in Carefree, AZ. I see the sand trap at hole 15...the one that at the corner of the dogleg in the fairway....that ate my ball every time I played there. I imagine trying to wedge my shot out of that canyon, and it works like a charm.
> 
> But the minute I look down and see her beautiful butt...whammo....launch sequence underway....


*Same thing! Think that like a lot of guys, I'm just a visual creature of habit! Doggy is, and even Missionary, at least for me, is a whole like a lot like a thoroughbred entering the "home stretch!" 

The less I see while I'm actively engaging, the better off that I seem to be!*


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

If she doesn’t move - I’m not being cynical or snarky - if she doesn’t move in the beginning - he can control the intensity of his experience. This will allow him to get right to the edge of climax - and then stop. 

I do not know why this works - however - getting right to the edge and stopping for about 30 seconds - pushes a man far away from the rapture. After doing that he can go long and hard for quite some time. 

If the first - near orgasm - doesn’t give him enough stamina (I use that term loosely here), he can repeat the process.

That said - if it was me struggling with this - I would be inclined to get my partner to the promised land via oral - before intercourse. That way - if it took me a few tries to get the hang of this technique - I would be doing so without the anxiety of a selfish/one sided experience. 

This approach is highly effective for most men. It does however require some practice. A typical man - can get really good at this in 3-6 sessions. A single session being intercourse to completion. 






frusdil said:


> A friend of mine is having a tough time in her marriage right now...there were a lot of external stressors, resulting in ED and then PE for her poor hubby. He is very "alpha" I guess you'd call it, so it was shattering for him to have these problems.
> 
> The ED has resolved, but the PE is persisting and he's almost at the point where he won't have sex with her at all...which will only compound the problem I would imagine.
> 
> ...


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