# cave man



## fredfoxw28 (Jan 11, 2008)

Hi Ladies, 

I need to know if I am the only one gong through this? Today I had a day off and my husband was off. Everything seemed fine until 2pm hit. Before leaving the living room he says well I better go lay down since I won't be getting none. I heard the comment but of course I was stunned because before that I was laying on his shoulder. Then he comes out of the room and says that I slepted late then I hopped on the computer and I knew that he wanted some but I purposely did not do something. That he feels he should not have to beg for sex. By now I'm raging and telling him if he argues with me, how does he expect to ever get anything. Now this is not the first time that this has happened. He becomes like a cave man when he has not gotten any or he feels like he should not have to beg for sex when he clearly is the one who wants it. It's gotten to the point where what I hear is me want sex now, you give me sex or else. I am so frustrated and tired of going in circles. How can one day everything is fine and then another day you turn into an animal and then try to blame me for your insecurities.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

So why dont you want to have sex with him? I mean before the fighting started, why didnt you want to have sex when he wanted it? I can understand that it would be less then appealing to have sex with a man that whines and fights about it, but why dont you initiate sex before it gets to that point? the guy is suffering. 

It sounds to me like he's trying to ask for sex without feeling vulnerable. fighting usually comes from that. i guess he feels like he's been turned down so many times and he's angry. funny thing- i feel like im in your H's shoes. my H never wanted sex from me and i used to act like this.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

OK so let me get this right....

You both have a Rare day off together...no work, no kids...nothing on the agenda.

You chose to Sleep late, then go ont he computer for X amout of time...

2PM rolls around, I am guessing kids should be home from school soon.

He's pissed becuase you could ahve had a nice day "together" but you slept in and went on the PC instead of sharing the day with him.

Think about it....If he was a woman and I just explained the same scenerio to you that the Guy slept in hoped on the PC and ignore his wife who was hoping to spend the day together what would your reaction or advice be??

To me sounds like you are on that road of "comfortable in marriage"....you don't see any problems becuase you ahve your husband, you ahve your kids, your house...everything is "correct".....while your husband is wondering...."why don't we have thrilling times anymore?" why isn't she like she "used to be" ....what happened to the "fun?".....this is boring.

think about it. If I were him and my wife did that I would be pissed as well.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Yeah, if I had a rare day off work and my wife (who is a stay at home mom) slept in late (I would be ok with that since she's up early every day) but then even after that went right to the PC and didn't want to spend time with me?

Yeah, I would have an issue.

I know my wife and my wife, the second she got up, would want to go out and do something with me and then come back before the kids got home and have sex. That is probably what he was hoping, that you 2 would do something together and have sex before the kids got home.

Now he is frustrated and is just going to go take a nap...

Sorry, I know you wanted a woman's view and I'm a man, but I think you might have been in the wrong here.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Yup you are caught in that wonderful spiralling whirlpool of:

- I don't initiate or provide sex and he gets frustrated and angry
- if he's frustrated and angry why would I want to have sex with him?

If you are in advanced stages, you will actually believe that any time he shows you kindness or affection, he is only doing so in order to get laid - therefore you will continue to withhold.

I'm not coming down on you. I'm telling you what happened in my case. I'll also tell you how it ended. A cornerstone of any healthy relationship was eroded into virtual nonexistence. The rest of our marriage followed. We aren't together anymore.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Deejo is right, my wife was at that point once where she felt if I was doing anything nice for her or touching her in any way it was only because I wanted sex.

Our sex life has never been bad, but at one point we were "down" to only once or twice a week and it was killing me (I have a very high drive). Once I convinced her that yes, I want to have sex with her every day, multiple times a day, etc but that doesn't mean that I only touch her or do nice things for her for sex, I genuinely love her and want to do those things just for her.

Since then, along with some other relationship things we have worked out, our sex life has become unbelievable and we are up to 4-6 times a week with MANY "new" things added in as well.


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## fredfoxw28 (Jan 11, 2008)

Did I mention I was actually laying on his shoulder when this happened. Later on that night he apologized for acting that way, he said he did not understand women and that he felt like he was not important to me and that he needed a job (he's been laid off since Dec) That's all nice but his is not the first time, my husband feels like he should not have to initiate sex because he hates rejections so he sits and stews in his own anger if when he is in the mood i don't react. the problem is 1/2 time he's either the loveable husband or the angry husband and i can not deal with the jekle and hide aspect of this relationship. I do not beleive because you are married that your spouse is allowed to treat you unfairly because there expectations were not met. When they don't get the raise at work or there best friend failed them in some kind of way they don't take it out on them. Why is it ok to take it out on the person that is closest to you. I do have sex with my husband but he is never satisfied. If we do it 6 days out of the week the next day I'm tired it's a problem. Where is the fairness in that. Men please reply!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

fredfoxw28 said:


> If we do it 6 days out of the week the next day I'm tired it's a problem. Where is the fairness in that. Men please reply!


Guilty as charged ma'am


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Actually, I was feeling really down about work a few months ago, and my wife seeing I was awake, just shagged me in the middle of the night, and everything felt better 

Fetch my club, I'm a cave man...


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## fredfoxw28 (Jan 11, 2008)

you're such a man mark twain lol


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

fredfoxw28 said:


> you're such a man mark twain lol


I admit it, I'm hopelessly hooked on sex with my wife.


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## HailMary (Mar 3, 2009)

So am I, Mark. 

I mean my wife, not yours...


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> I admit it, I'm hopelessly hooked on sex with my wife.



I am guilty as charged. I can't get enough sex with my wife.


Side note to show how addicted I am to just her. She asked me once if I ever fantasize about someone else while we are going at it.

I asked ehr if she wanted the honest truth?

Well, I told her I've tried to, but honestly anytime I've pictured another woman instead of her I started losing the erection every single time, and as soon as I get her back in my mind it comes right back. So no, I don't even try that anymore.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

revitalizedhusband said:


> I asked ehr if she wanted the honest truth?
> 
> Well, I told her I've tried to, but honestly anytime I've pictured another woman instead of her I started losing the erection every single time, and as soon as I get her back in my mind it comes right back. So no, I don't even try that anymore.


I've fantasized about doing *other *things, but never *other *women - one is enough trouble 

OK, "never" is a lie, but like you, it does not do anything for me. My wife on the other hand likes to pretend I am - and I quote - "not her husband" 

But she told me point black the other day that she never wants to have sex with anyone but me for the rest of her life, so I suppose she has a clear boundary between fantasy and reality, whereas I like to live out my fantasies, so it's just as well I don't bring other women into my head.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> I've fantasized about doing *other *things, but never *other *women - one is enough trouble
> 
> OK, "never" is a lie, but like you, it does not do anything for me. My wife on the other hand likes to pretend I am - and I quote - "not her husband"
> 
> But she told me point black the other day that she never wants to have sex with anyone but me for the rest of her life, so I suppose she has a clear boundary between fantasy and reality, whereas I like to live out my fantasies, so it's just as well I don't bring other women into my head.



Oh, I fantasize about doing other stuff to her all the time .


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

Wow.... I only Wish my husband wanted to do it every other day, and was hooked on sex with me.

I'm attractive, 10 years younger than he is, and have big boobs, and he still doesn't wnat it that much.

But, it's an old issue, and one that I have learned to deal with.

We have great sex when it happens, but it's not often.

He does have a documented Testosterone issue, so , it might be one of those things where we either put him on drugs, and risk side effects, or try to find a homeopathic way around it.
Above all, if the T-therapy will put him at risk for prostate cancer, I don't want him to do it, his health is more important than my sex drive. I love him very much. But, I'm 34 and sex once a month, or every two weeks, or every 8 weeks, isn't doing it for me.

Huh...... stop complaining people! it could be a lot worse! LOL


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

marina72 said:


> Wow.... I only Wish my husband wanted to do it every other day, and was hooked on sex with me.
> 
> I'm attractive, 10 years younger than he is, and have big boobs, and he still doesn't wnat it that much.
> 
> ...


1. I'm beginning to think women have more interest in the size of their boobs than men do. I see it all the time on these forums when women describe themselves they add in "and I have big boobs". Maybe I'm in the minority of men, but as long as the woman is not completely flat chested, anything from a full A to a D is perfectly fine. No chest at all looks too much like a man, and get much better than DD and they are just too big. 

2. Trust me, I'm not complaining , I complained when it used to be only once a week, but now that we are up around 4-5 times a week I'm content. I would want it more often (everyday) but am "ok" with 4-5 times. I have nothing to complain about sexually right now.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

well the boob thing was really just an inocuous comment, just throwing it in there. It's kind of like a figure of speach, meaning, I'm what most people consider feminine, not that flat chested women aren't.. I really didn't intend anything in depth by it. 

I was really just joking, directing the complaining comment more at the original female poster, who is tired of having to give it up.

I just wish I had that problem, of my hubby wanting it too much. 

:-( oh well.... other things in life to worry about too.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

I wish I had that problem too, my wife wanting it too much .


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

LOL... I'm sure! 

right now he's on the couch, snoring.

Huh.... I try hard to look at it from his perspective.

He is mentally and physically exhausted when he gets home from work, his job is high stress, highly physical at times (he is a vice principal at a junior highschool, one of the worst ones, in terms of violent kids, in the city) So he's frequently having to break up bad fights, has been attacked by kids more than 5-10 times, busts them for drugs, on campus sex... etc... Only in America! ;-)

And then, we have an 11 year old, and a 22 month old! And boyyy does he wear us out. We also have a damn house that is falling apart, and we've done all the repair work ourselves, thank God he's handy and has tools.

Plus, his last Testosterone check, was only 285 ng/DL,,, which is Horrible! and although he doesn't have ED... and can get an erection just fine, he just doesn't have much of a drive in general.

Hardly ever wakes up with morning wood, although I know that is also tied to having a full bladder for men, but in general, he has a very low libido.

Aside from getting him on meds, which we are kind of afraid to do, since testosterone therapy has Many many bad side effects, we are at a loss, adn I am withering away, and not getting the attention sexually that I want from him. I would never consider cheating, it's just not in me, and it's also a horrible thing to do to your spouse. So, at this point, we just try to enjoy what we do have, and have chosen to love. When we do make love, it's good, and he is a great lover. It's just that it's not very often. I think all the things combined , above, just make for a really time, when it comes to sex. It seems we have the deck stacked against us. We do know however, that whether he has a huge drive or not, we must try to connect, on a sexual level, or our marriage will likely whither and die. 

the good thing is, we are best friends, and we truly and genuinely enjoy each others company. So, at least there's that. 

I guess when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.  

wish me luck anyone.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

marina72 said:


> We do know however, that whether he has a huge drive or not, we must try to connect, on a sexual level, or our marriage will likely whither and die.


I did tell you what might fix that, did you get anywhere with it?


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

I dont' remember you telling me what might fix it? I did read your other thread and replied to that one. I am missing something? LOL... maybe you think I'm another poster? I don't remember what you told me that would fix anything. ??? remind me?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

marina72 -

I updated my thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...tween-men-women-who-go-off-sex.html#post45583


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