# Tips for Starting Sex After Childbirth



## Chris.m (May 15, 2013)

Hey everyone. Long time reader, first time posting. 

I'll keep it short. Me (20) and my wife (19) just had our first child, 10.5 lbs and birthed naturally lol. The doctor just cleared her for sexual activity when she feels up to it, and the plan is to go for it sometime this weekend. 
What are the things we should (and shouldn't) attempt according to you all's experiences?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

OMG 10.5 lbs vaginally? WTF are doctors doing?

Did she rip or tear? As scar tissue heals, tactile sensation is affected. Sometimes it is numb directly above or below or all around for months, years, or permanently. Luckily, the most sensitive spots in the vagina are located on top, the wall part that buts up against the urethra. The vaginal wall that buts up against the anus, where the scar tissue would be located and thus numb won't affect her pleasure very much, (actually I don't remember Pre-birth sex)

Go SLOW during penetration! make sure she is highly aroused. She may not orgasm at all if she had a difficult, as in rip and tear, birth.

I had a horrible first birth, ripped all the way through my anus and up the other side. It took me 3 months before I was willing to have ANYTHING go anywhere near my vagina.


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## Chris.m (May 15, 2013)

It was her choice, she went in wanting to do it naturally and with no meds. And it was only a 2nd degrees tear, so average.


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## MambaZee (Aug 6, 2013)

I second the advice to go SLOW. I didn't have difficult births, but still felt apprehensive because I was afraid sex would hurt. Foreplay should last a good long time. Start during the day instead of waiting until you two are in bed. That'll put your wife's mind on intimacy and a slow build is nice. 

When my H and I had sex for the first time after delivery, it was simple -- no acrobatics, lol. Just plain ole missionary. In case your W is more adventurous, that's fine, too, but don't be surprised if she wants to do something very basic the first time.

Best of luck, and it's great for you to be concerned enough to ask!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

You may find things go better with some lubricant, especially if she's nervous that it may hurt. A nice long round of foreplay is a must. Keep things simple, slow and romantic. This isn't the time to attempt porn-star sex. If she says something hurts believe her and stop doing whatever it is.

And don't forget about birth control, even if she's breastfeeding.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Chris.m said:


> Hey everyone. Long time reader, first time posting.
> 
> I'll keep it short. Me (20) and my wife (19) just had our first child, 10.5 lbs and birthed naturally lol. The doctor just cleared her for sexual activity when she feels up to it, and the plan is to go for it sometime this weekend.
> What are the things we should (and shouldn't) attempt according to you all's experiences?


 what was she thinking, well kudos to her for being so tuff. If the doctor cleared you then I would only suggest lubricant. If she hurts, then stop and wait a few more days. Make sure she is taking her vitamins.


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## Work-In-Progress (May 21, 2013)

holy crap! Our first was 10lb 11oz. The doc and my wife were on the fence about which way to go (didn't know before that he was quite that big). Thankfully they did C section.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Cowgirl. Put her in charge of the depth and speed at first. And lots of lube.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Wow, and I was so proud of having my 9lb daughter naturally . . . your wife is a superwoman. 

Slow, slow, slow is the key, and check with her constantly every step of the way the first time you enter her. I remember being most sore around the outside of my vagina and where my perineum was healing from a slight tear. A lot of deep in and out thrusting was painful for awhile until that healed completely. 

I would say one you are in all the way, STOP, check with her, and withdraw really, really slowly, and not very far. Then check with her again, and push back in, very, very slowly. Take it at that pace until she gets an idea of where her pain is, and adjustments she can make to lessen it. 

I'd see session #1 as mostly info gathering and "charting out the territory" so to speak. Don't pressure her to have an orgasm from PIV, and don't keep at it for very long for yours, even if she says it's okay. She might think she can grin and bear some discomfort because she wants you to enjoy it, but then end up sore and out of commission for a days as a result.


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## Aldrin (Aug 25, 2013)

My wife has a small child barely 6 pds, quick, easy birth, no complications, in and out, and it became a literal block to all sexual activity for a good solid 6 months. It was way to painful for her even after 3 months apparently... after that it was just the new excuse for the month, I assumed.

And OP, that is great you guys have open line of communication like that. I know it might seem foreign to you at your age but use lots of lube. Lots and lots of lube, for her and you.


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

I would actually advocate for your wife to do a solo for the first time. Things will feel different and she may want to figure out what does/does not feel good for right now. Or IF it feels good at all.

Secondly, be prepared (both of you) for anatomy to have changed forever down there. I inexplicably have a bit more tissue after my second birth, tear and snip free natural birth of a tiny baby, less than 6 lbs, that is now in the way and always will be.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Too add to the tips above.... CONDOMS!!! Or some other kind of birth control.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Too add to the tips above.... CONDOMS!!! Or some other kind of birth control.


Boo


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

MambaZee said:


> I second the advice to go SLOW. I didn't have difficult births, but still felt apprehensive because I was afraid sex would hurt. Foreplay should last a good long time. Start during the day instead of waiting until you two are in bed. That'll put your wife's mind on intimacy and a slow build is nice.
> 
> *When my H and I had sex for the first time after delivery, it was simple -- no acrobatics, lol. Just plain ole missionary. *In case your W is more adventurous, that's fine, too, but don't be surprised if she wants to do something very basic the first time.
> 
> Best of luck, and it's great for you to be concerned enough to ask!



Did it hurt the first time? Were you right around 6 weeks?


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## MambaZee (Aug 6, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> Did it hurt the first time? Were you right around 6 weeks?


Yes, right at 6 weeks, and no, it didn't hurt because we went super slow. No lube or anything; I was _ready_ physically, just had to get over the apprehension.


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## Chris.m (May 15, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Cowgirl. Put her in charge of the depth and speed at first. And lots of lube.


Just out of curiosity, what are the benefits to cowgirl over missionary? We are both asking this question


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Chris.m said:


> Just out of curiosity, what are the benefits to cowgirl over missionary? We are both asking this question


Basically he said it in his post. Cowgirl lets her be in charge of the pace that way she can figure out what's more comfortable to her.


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## BrandonMc (Sep 8, 2013)

Sex doesn't always need to be about penetration ya know. Touching, oral .. Give her the time she needs. A 10 pound birth is going to leave marks for anyone. Physically and emotionally. Time to get a little creative and see how much you can turn her on without the need to enter (???)


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Chris.m said:


> Just out of curiosity, what are the benefits to cowgirl over missionary? We are both asking this question


I wonder if it's too late, but cow girl would put more pressure on her perineum, also her groin muscles would tense because she is holding herself up. My vote is missionary for the first time back, then move onto to cowgirl if missionary feels good.

So Chris.... How did it go?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Chris.m said:


> It was her choice, she went in wanting to do it naturally and with no meds. And it was only a 2nd degrees tear, so average.



I just looked up 2nd degree tear on Google images.. this does not look like "only" to me. Yikes.

Be careful. Let her be in control of saying when to stop, when it hurts, etc.


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## Chris.m (May 15, 2013)

Wanted to thank all of you for your words of advice and encouragement. Agreed to try it tonight, ended up going for PIV. Went as good as can be expected, managed full penetration and minimal soreness afterward. 

Thank you!


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