# Not really sure what to do anymore



## whatamidoing2654 (Mar 23, 2013)

I am new to this but my thought is that I can get advice from people who do not know my husband so maybe the advice can be honest and uninfluenced. 
So our history, my husband and I had our oldest daughter when I was 16 he was 18. We stayed together 2 more years after having her and then went though a bad break up. Basically we both really needed to grow up. 
We got back together after 6 years (2005). I was in a bad place and he wanted to try and make up for the past and help + plus wanted to give it a try again. He has a job traveling and is home very little, sometimes he is gone for 3 months at a time then home a week or 2 and back to work again. This has been very hard but he wants to have enough money before he can come home and get a "regular paying job" 

We bought a house 2007
Then got married in 2009, totally nontraditional went to the court house and did the paper work basically. I have always been ok with that didn't really want a wedding. We basically got married because he needed medical insurance and I guess I pushed him into it.
2010 I realize maybe we shouldn't have gotten married and I gave him the chance to leave, papers and all. We were never happy. He begged to stay and made lots of promises and we decided to keep trying. 
So now we have very little in common hobbies, personality, and so on. I love him though and I chose to be with him, I don't have to be with him for any other reason then I want to be. 

OK now to my issue he isn't happy. He tells me all the time all the things about me that I do wrong or that he can't stand about me. When he is home it is getting increasingly hard to keep my kids home because they don't want to be around him. He is very unhappy with his job but won't change jobs. This last year he got a DUI and now is struggling to hold on to this job because he is worries that we won’t be able to keep up with bills and everything if he got a factory job or something. 
He isn't happy with himself and seems to be taking it out on me. I am not really sure what to do to make it better for him. I work full time, and I am in school part time plus I take care of the house 2 kids and a dog. I take on allot sometimes (well most of the time) and I don't always get things done before starting something else. Sometimes it's because of money but other times it's just lack of time and I have to prioritize and things get put on the back burner. Usually house projects are last priority but my favorite thing to do since I am a DIY girl. He is very particular about how the house looks and wants to make sure that it is always clean and organized, but he isn't there most of the time so before he comes home I make sure I clean extra well so that he is happy with it. Usually it's never good enough. I feel like 
I am a hamster on wheel trying to make him happy or at least content what do I do?


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

I could write all sorts of platitudes and long justifications and rationalizations but they all come down to one word of advice:
Divorce.


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## whatamidoing2654 (Mar 23, 2013)

That is what my friends and co-workers tell me. I want to make it work though. I love him and I knew how he was when we got married. I figure I have 2 years until my oldest graduates and that is my cut off point. If we can't get it together by then, I have to walk away.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Yet you said in 2010 you weren't happy. You note the kids don't want to be around this unhappy home. It's now 2013 and things weren't going well three years go, if ever, and you turn to the forum for advice at our wits' end. What on earth do you think will change in two more years but more unhappiness or the whole family?


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## KNDX (Mar 23, 2013)

I have just joined this cite about ten min ago and ur story was the first I have read and I can connect with you in so many ways. I have been married for only three years now and have been going through a lot of tough times so far. But there stands a love like no other between the two of us...it's hard to describe the passion we have for each other but yet are having issues too soon. When we got married he had a great job that he was happy at for a while. Due to an injury he established at work he was let go and very depressed over. He hasn't been the same since and has taken up drinking more than before. With that drinking comes anger and never a good combo together. There have been some hurtful things said and some very bad decision making on his part. Neither of us have been happy in a minute, his depression has made me angry and resentful often. But, he has tried to stop drinking a few times and each time he goes back to it, it seems to be getting worse. Well these last two weeks have been some of the roughest and two days ago I made the decision to have a separation between the two of us to make him find what it is he really wants....to be married and quit drinking or to be a drunk. I guess only time will tell from here, and which direction he decides to take with his life and what's most important to him. It's been a really tough couple days apart from him and our three year old son is missing daddy.  I want to hope that he love us enough to do the right thing, but I fear that his addiction will take over and I will lose my husband and my son will lose his father. I hate not knowing what's ahead and the thought of all our good memories together will be forgotten. I hate what alcohol can do to people!


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

So in 2009 you decided to marry him. In 2010 you decided that wasn't such a good idea and you "gave him a chance to leave" by serving him the papers, but he begged to stay. Now you say you love him and choose to be with him even though you have nothing in common and you are not happy together. 

My advice to you is to stop focusing on his problems and his unhappiness, and start looking at yourself...you clearly aren't happy either. You say you start all kinds of things but don't finish them...this includes your relationship with your H. Get into some individual counseling and start figuring out why YOU are unhappy and why you don't value yourself enough to get off the hamster wheel and make a happier life for yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whatamidoing2654 (Mar 23, 2013)

I have to agree with you, I have an appointment for counseling next week. I think I have not been able to walk away because it's not complete. I have been working on myself now for a while and I have made an good effort to complete everything I start. I also know that I am seeing the relationship for what I want it to be and not what it actually is. I feel that I have acknowledged my issues in life and in our relationship maybe I just have to help him see what his are so that he can do the same.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

If your husband is not willing to seek counseling to change his 
attitude and work on the marriage you have no choice to divorce him.Do you ever tell him how he is?
Have you told him you will divorce him if he dosen't change?

If my wife did everything you are doing,I would be jumping for joy.
Divorce him if he dosen't smarten up.


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