# Too attached to the phone



## K3itty (May 12, 2021)

Have your partner ever asked you to reduce the time spent on a hobby to put more time being present with kids/family/chores? What was the outcome? 

My husband loves to play games on his phone. That's the way he winds down after a long day. We have a 3 year old son and a newborn. When he's playing with the toddler, he'll still be playing on his phone. I know it's not that fun to play with a 3 year old, but I want him to be more active than just be in the room. When he's bottle feeding the baby, he's still on his phone. I have talked to him before about not playing on his phone while on dad duty. He says sorry and will put away the phone for the moment. Then it's back to same old habits. I don't need him to stop playing completely and I'm also okay if he needs to finish a game, to tell me, so I'll watch the kids til he can have full attention on them.

At this point, I wonder am I asking for too much? Do other people hang onto their phones this much? And how to help him stop? Will this ever improve?


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

No, you are not asking too much. He can put the phone down for a bit to spend quality time with the children.

Cell phone addiction? Might want to check that out.

Is he so attached that he can't put the phone down and even texts while driving? If so, he needs to get a grip. I wouldn't let him drive the kids anywhere.


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## K3itty (May 12, 2021)

theloveofmylife said:


> No, you are not asking too much. He can put the phone down for a bit to spend quality time with the children.
> 
> Cell phone addiction? Might want to check that out.
> 
> Is he so attached that he can't put the phone down and even texts while driving? If so, he needs to get a grip. I wouldn't let him drive the kids anywhere.


He doesn't text while driving. But he does play games while driving. I think you are right. I never heard of cell phone addiction. Do you know from experience how to stop? 

His games don't require him to constantly touch the screen, but still, it's distracting in my opinion. 

The issue is, he doesn't see it as a problem. It's like one of those things that you can't help someone unless they want help. I don't know how to stop him.


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## Unknown2u (May 19, 2021)

x


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

K3itty said:


> But he does play games while driving.


OMG! He doesn't, does he? And he plays when looking after the toddler? That's also dangerous. I think you need to put your foot down here. He will be unhappy, but it sounds to me like you've married a child. He needs to grow up. How old are you two?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I have a friend who died in a crash probably from looking at his phone. He was probably dead on impact and he had a family that I got to see at the funeral.

At least get him to promise not to use it while driving.

He needs a good slap. What I do to find balance is I leave my phone behind when want to apply my full attention to things. When I go out on a date with my wife I leave it at home.


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## K3itty (May 12, 2021)

Unknown2u said:


> Of course you are asking too much! Can't you see he married his phone? Seriously that sucks!  Sorry to hear that I see more and more people are glued to their phone and get reminded of the movie Wall-e. Before I lost my job I remember always walking into the breakroom and seeing EVERYONE on their phones and some people would look up for a second and then back into the phone world. If you guys have family games that would be able to wean him off his phone games? Do some outdoor stuff that requires his hands to be in use.


I think ever since lockdown last year his phone use has escalated. He has even more games on his phone now. And a lot of times he is just mindlessly checking Instagram and Facebook. It turned into a really bad habit.

I know he spends money to get virtual items in the games, so he is very invested. Not like spend a lot, but still.


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## K3itty (May 12, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> OMG! He doesn't, does he? And he plays when looking after the toddler? That's also dangerous. I think you need to put your foot down here. He will be unhappy, but it sounds to me like you've married a child. He needs to grow up. How old are you two?


Sigh. Okay so I see this is a bigger issue than I thought. We are 31. He is really into Pokemon Go. Lol sounds so stupid, but actually we grew up with this cartoon so I was also a big fan when the game came out a few years ago. The game uses gps to play and kind of need people to be out and about to play. So he turns on the game when he gets in the car so the gps aspect is in use. And most of the time he doesn't actually touch the screen while driving, but the screen is on and he has touch-free gadgets that collect things for the game.

I know this problem is getting more ridiculous, and I will have another sit-down with him this weekend. Just don't know how to hold him accountable afterwards. I don't want to treat him like a child and confiscate his phone! Any ideas?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Just tell him to start leaving it behind sometimes. If he’s not on call he doesn’t need it and can be without it for a couple hours.

Add boundaries about devices in the bedroom if this is a problem. My wife and I have a no phone policy until one of us clonks out.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

K3itty said:


> Sigh. Okay so I see this is a bigger issue than I thought. We are 31. He is really into Pokemon Go. Lol sounds so stupid, but actually we grew up with this cartoon so I was also a big fan when the game came out a few years ago. The game uses gps to play and kind of need people to be out and about to play. So he turns on the game when he gets in the car so the gps aspect is in use. And most of the time he doesn't actually touch the screen while driving, but the screen is on and he has touch-free gadgets that collect things for the game.
> 
> I know this problem is getting more ridiculous, and I will have another sit-down with him this weekend. Just don't know how to hold him accountable afterwards. I don't want to treat him like a child and confiscate his phone! Any ideas?


I know Pokemon Go. My son (24) was into it. I get it. I used to be a gamer. My son is a gamer. But... you are 31 and both parents, and you need to separate the gaming from your family life. I also get the pandemic situation... what can you do? Well, it's actually rather simple: explain to him the dangers and that you need him to be responsible. No more gaming when he drives and when he's looking after the kids. If he's not a kid himself, he will get it. He needs a reality check.


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## K3itty (May 12, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I have a friend who died in a crash probably from looking at his phone. He was probably dead on impact and he had a family that I got to see at the funeral.
> 
> At least get him to promise not to use it while driving.
> 
> He needs a good slap. What I do to find balance is I leave my phone behind when want to apply my full attention to things. When I go out on a date with my wife I leave it at home.


Omg, sorry to hear. 😟

Yeah, separating from the phone physically is a must. I don't think we have ever left the house without our phones. 

So basically I need him to police himself and have self-control. I heard breaking a habit takes 6 weeks. Question now is, instead of indulging the urge to use his phone while doing specific tasks that require his full attention:

1) If he's at home watching the kids, the phone should not be within reach. When he needs a break, he can play. 

2) If he is driving, don't put the phone on the phone holder. Leave it in his pocket or work bag. Basically no playing at all during driving. 

Sound reasonable? And what consequences should he face if he fails to control his impulses?

Like should we keep track of his progress on a calendar? At least in the beginning days... 

He is actually great in every way. Except a few things as you probably have seen me complain about in other threads. But I think he will be accepting to change if I really feel concerned. I just want to come up with some strategies and then have his input while we talk about this.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I put mine in the phone holder because I use CarPlay for ETA but only when I was commuting. Otherwise like for the gym I do what you suggest and it stays in my gym bag.

I am doing this myself so the consequences are I feel like a loser with no self control if I look at it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

K3itty said:


> He doesn't text while driving. But he does play games while driving. I think you are right. I never heard of cell phone addiction. Do you know from experience how to stop?
> 
> His games don't require him to constantly touch the screen, but still, it's distracting in my opinion.
> 
> The issue is, he doesn't see it as a problem. It's like one of those things that you can't help someone unless they want help. I don't know how to stop him.


That is illegal in the UK to be doing anything on your phone while driving. It's also very dangerous. I wouldn't be in a car where the driver was doing this, especially with children.

Children need you to give them your full attention. How does that make them feel that he can't even stop looking at his phone for half an hour while he plays with them, poor kids.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

K3itty said:


> Sound reasonable?


Yes.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

K3itty said:


> But he does play games while driving.


Yeah, that's a no go. If he also does with the kids in the car, he has got to stop. Hands-free or not. He shouldn't need to be told that.



K3itty said:


> I think you are right. I never heard of cell phone addiction. Do you know from experience how to stop?


People can become addicted to anything it seems. No, I have read some stuff, but I have no experience. I'm really not that attached to my cell phone. I'm old, I mean old school, and grew up without one.


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