# Scratching my head -debt concern



## 1marriedlady (Mar 27, 2015)

A lot doesn't seem to be adding up with my DH lately and now another piece of the puzzle is missing.

The other day my hd received a new credit card in the mail - one that he applied for without me or my knowledge. I didn't even know but he opened it in front of me - I didn't ask what mail he got but he looked at me and said his plan didn't work out.

I was like what plan? He said the extra money we thought was ours didn't pan out and with that money he was going to pay off our current credit card, cancel it and then use the new credit card because you get cash back. 

I said no way. We are trying to do away with our debt not add to it. I thought that was the end of it but on Friday night when he went to bed I noticed the new card and all the paperwork was gone. I don't go into his wallet but I did this time, hoping I was wrong. I was hoping the new card was not in there. I was wrong - it was there.

I was so hurt and angry. Hurt that he got credit without me knowing. Angry because after we discussed, he still activated it. 

Yesterday I casually brought it up and asked about the card. He said he activated it and I again stated my concerns. He said he will use the card for his usually purchases and then pay it off when he gets home.

I'm scared this cycle won't last and he will accumulate more debt. How do I explain to him this concern? I've tried but clearly he didn't care.

With the other issues we are experiencing - this just has me scratching my head. I'm wondering and worrying what's going on with him.

Am I just with my worry?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Separate finances if you do not trust him. Protect yourself. What are the laws from where you are from? 

Is the card and whatever debt his and his alone? You should have your own account, especially with someone who is irresponsible. Age doesn't always equate to maturity.


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Dear 1marriedlady

It looks like you and I are in the same boat, both in the finance and sexual areas, perhaps we should swap spouses. My houseguest, aka my wife, has at a number of times during our eight years of marriage, spent more than she can afford. She has gambled, lied about credit card debt and lied about debts. All, I can say is to keep calm, most people, life your husband and my wife are basically liars, they will do anything to stop themselves looking dishonest. I treat one episode at a time, but am always looking for the next fraud that my wife will commit and try and head it off. Basically, today most people are selfish, we have unfortunately have to live with this. Your concerns are not foundless, unfortunately it will carry on, I have lost trust in my wife, she is basically a liar.

Take Care

Jacko Jack


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Separate finances if you do not trust him. Protect yourself. What are the laws from where you are from?
> 
> Is the card and whatever debt his and his alone? You should have your own account, especially with someone who is irresponsible. Age doesn't always equate to maturity.


Separating finances will not help. They are both responsible for the other's debt no matter how they manage their finances.

Plus, if they separate finances, she will have no insight into what he is doing.


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## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

You've already made your concerns clear to him, so repeating yourself again and again probably won't do much. Try to get more clarification about his ideas related to the long term and short term goals for the family. He obviously has some plan, but maybe you dhould offer other solutions that are less risky. It always better to offer alternatives rather than bash ideas/efforts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 1marriedlady (Mar 27, 2015)

jacko jack said:


> Dear 1marriedlady
> 
> It looks like you and I are in the same boat, both in the finance and sexual areas, perhaps we should swap spouses. My houseguest, aka my wife, has at a number of times during our eight years of marriage, spent more than she can afford. She has gambled, lied about credit card debt and lied about debts. All, I can say is to keep calm, most people, life your husband and my wife are basically liars, they will do anything to stop themselves looking dishonest. I treat one episode at a time, but am always looking for the next fraud that my wife will commit and try and head it off. Basically, today most people are selfish, we have unfortunately have to live with this. Your concerns are not foundless, unfortunately it will carry on, I have lost trust in my wife, she is basically a liar.
> 
> ...



But this isn't like him. He's never done this before. We've always made financial decisions together. That's why I'm left scratching my head wondering what the heck is going on. I feel like I'm missing something because this isn't my hubby.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

I'd presume your finances are in worse shape than you suspect, and he's juggling debt to hide it.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

1marriedlady said:


> But this isn't like him. He's never done this before. We've always made financial decisions together. That's why I'm left scratching my head wondering what the heck is going on. I feel like I'm missing something because this isn't my hubby.


I suspect your financial situation is a bit worse than what you think. Take a look at all of the other cards with a balance. Are these maxed out? If so, was your H attempting to simply get another card to run up or transfer these balances from the other cards to a new interest free card? Robbing Peter to pay Paul? If so, why did he not discuss this with you?


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## 1marriedlady (Mar 27, 2015)

Yeswecan said:


> I suspect your financial situation is a bit worse than what you think. Take a look at all of the other cards with a balance. Are these maxed out? If so, was your H attempting to simply get another card to run up or transfer these balances from the other cards to a new interest free card? Robbing Peter to pay Paul? If so, why did he not discuss this with you?


Nope I don't think that's the case at all. I have access to his bank accounts and I pay all the bills. I know what comes in and goes out each month.
I just don't understand why he activated the card when we still have the original credit card (the one he said he wanted to pay off and cancel).
It leaves me scratching my head wondering what is going on in his mind.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Have you run both of your credit reports recently? I would do that immediately and do it often. I would also talk to your husband and voice your concerns now, don't put it off.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Take the original card & cut it in half. Just use the new one. He may have thought that any future charges will be against the new one where you get cash back rewards. He was going to charge anyway.


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## Honda750 (Feb 12, 2015)

You must immediately monitor both of your credit histories , don't sit back and watch thus turn into a nightmare for you !!! Be proactive , get credit history reports to be sure of your financial exposure , let him know you are watching . My wife played the credit card game behind my back and racked up thousands and thousands of dollars in credit card debts , she lost her job and guess who is left holding the bag on these debts ? Your husband careless attitude with this will cost you big time , if you don't nip it in the bud now . Listen to others here , we have all been burned by irresponsible spouses behaviors .......... You have been warned , please pay attention


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