# Less and less sex? are we going down hill?



## deathinc (Mar 9, 2012)

Hi, I have been married with my wife about two years, been together five. I'm 22 and shes 21. We have a baby boy who just turned 3 years this month. My wife and I use to have a very active sex life. About 9 months ago or so we started having less and less sex. Its gotten so bad that its now about 1 time a week, max 2. When we do have sex she ALWAYS hits an orgasm which would tell you that she enjoyed it. However I dont always find it all that good because I some times feel she is just having sex so I can stop bothering her. When we have sex I also try to get her to do new positions, new places around the house, anal (did not work ) , just anything that could spark her interest more so that she can start asking me for sex but nothing works. I try talking to her about it and she says that its because she is too tired, my son is around, she hasn't taken a bath, her stomach hurts, shes sleepy, shes watching tv etc...excuses excuses excuses  . I still have a very very active sex drive, she does not! We never have any arguments of any kind. Get a lot very very good in every level except the sexual level. Honestly I can honestly say that I use to feel we were the perfect couple. Lately for her lack of sexual interest and lack of attention I have been masturbating to porn very often, 4-5 times a week.... I know its sad. Not only that but when I'm at work I see other woman and if they are good looking with a nice body I cant stop staring...hardcore staring.I honestly feel like an old pervert man and end up feeling guilty about doing it.When I see them all I think about is sex no emotional attachment . We go out to night clubs with friends in weekends or go to get to-gathers during the week,you know young 20's people stuff. We are economically stable even though we are young . We have a 250k home big screen T.V's around the house, dedicated HT room, Bar w karaoke for parties she drives a bmw .....you get the point, money is not an issue and we are living the life for our age and I we both work hard to provide our son and our selves a good life :smthumbup: . Some one please tell me what to do. I feel that the lack of sex is also ruining my relationship for we now talk less and less. She gets home and turns on the T.V , I go to the computer room. We are getting more and more distanced from each other. Like I said I love my wife and I honestly don't want to end up in a divorce. I feel Im less attractive to her and as a reaction Im finding other ways to please my self. Its gotten to the point that I now feel she might be cheating on me even though I don't she how she could find time for it since she comes home right out of work.


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## reddog1910 (Mar 8, 2012)

I am in the same situation but we are 30 and have been married for 8 yrs. Not sure for you but I also feel like a brother not a partner to her. I know she works hard and has to keep up with being a mother but I also know this could possiable end our marriage. If you find the right advice clue me in.


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## inmygut (Apr 2, 2011)

deathinc said:


> Hi, I have been married with my wife about two years, been together five. I'm 22 and shes 21. We have a baby boy who just turned 3 years this month. My wife and I use to have a very active sex life. About 9 months ago or so we started having less and less sex. Its gotten so bad that its now about 1 time a week, max 2. When we do have sex she ALWAYS hits an orgasm which would tell you that she enjoyed it. However I dont always find it all that good because I some times feel she is just having sex so I can stop bothering her. When we have sex I also try to get her to do new positions, new places around the house, anal (did not work ) , just anything that could spark her interest more so that she can start asking me for sex but nothing works. I try talking to her about it and she says that its because she is too tired, my son is around, she hasn't taken a bath, her stomach hurts, shes sleepy, shes watching tv etc...excuses excuses excuses  . I still have a very very active sex drive, she does not! We never have any arguments of any kind. Get a lot very very good in every level except the sexual level. Honestly I can honestly say that I use to feel we were the perfect couple. Lately for her lack of sexual interest and lack of attention I have been masturbating to porn very often, 4-5 times a week.... I know its sad. Not only that but when I'm at work I see other woman and if they are good looking with a nice body I cant stop staring...hardcore staring.I honestly feel like an old pervert man and end up feeling guilty about doing it.When I see them all I think about is sex no emotional attachment . We go out to night clubs with friends in weekends or go to get to-gathers during the week,you know young 20's people stuff. We are economically stable even though we are young . We have a 250k home big screen T.V's around the house, dedicated HT room, Bar w karaoke for parties she drives a bmw .....you get the point, money is not an issue and we are living the life for our age and I we both work hard to provide our son and our selves a good life :smthumbup: . Some one please tell me what to do. I feel that the lack of sex is also ruining my relationship for we now talk less and less. She gets home and turns on the T.V , I go to the computer room. We are getting more and more distanced from each other. Like I said I love my wife and I honestly don't want to end up in a divorce. I feel Im less attractive to her and as a reaction Im finding other ways to please my self. Its gotten to the point that I now feel she might be cheating on me even though I don't she how she could find time for it since she comes home right out of work.


Drop the porn. It will kill your relationship. Go to the married man sex life blog and follow the advice, buy the book. Listen to your wife. She is telling you a lot. Put more effort into your relationship. It is about more than sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

inmygut said:


> Drop the porn. It will kill your relationship. Go to the married man sex life blog and follow the advice, buy the book. Listen to your wife. She is telling you a lot. Put more effort into your relationship. It is about more than sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not sure I agree porn is a relationship killer. It's better than cheating with someone. I feel your pain. I hear the same excuses and been going on 5 years of decline for me. I would suggest you tell her what you've said here word for word. I'd give her the chance to address it before trying other things. I've told my LD wife too many times I lost count. Don't make the mistake I did and let it go on and on. I'm to the point where I resent her and am very angry about it. I'd also advise against going over the top in trying to go the extra mile hoping that will earn what you need. Also learned the hard way that is futile at best and leads to frustration rather than increased sex for you. Trust me, if you let it go, Your relationship is going to deteriorate into arguments and even more distance. Learn from my mistake and face it head on for the serious problem it is and save yourself from becoming me. Good luck to you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Porn, like anything else, can be a relationship killer if you use it as a substitute to spend time with your spouse, or if you use it as a buffer to hide from and not address the issues that you have going on.

Women most typically need to have a close feeling of emotion and love toward their husbands to engage in enthusiastic sex with them - otherwise you do get the boredom and dutiful sex.

Somehow, there's been something lost for her - and it will take both of you to try and figure out what that something is in order to address it.

Does your wife acknowledge that there is an issue as well?

Is she willing to try and work at it with you?

In any relationship, we should always look to ourselves first, and make sure that we are keeping our side of the street clean. If there are areas that you could be improving on, then take the opportunity to do so. A person who is self-confident, respects himself and others, is motivated, is compassionate, works hard to do the right things is a very attractive person.

Best wishes.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How often do just the two of you go out? For dinner, a walk, etc? Trying to implement a date night on a weekly basis may be a starting point to reconnecting, and the sex may start to come back then too.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusedinlife (Mar 9, 2012)

We have been married for almost 20 years...We started off doing it evry day....then every week....then every other week....then once a month ( maybe) which is pretty much where we are. It really pisses me off but I am tired of arguing about it. My wife says she is doing the best she can.....

I hear many other guys hear similar stories....


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Dean* said:


> Then one day, I got really mad.....told her that making love to her was important to me, important to us. I did it a way from the kids. Got so mad she cried. I didn't back down.
> 
> I stopped treating her special, didn't talk to her for a few days,
> made sure she heard me making plans to be with the guys during
> ...


Excuse my broken recordness, I wish so bad my husband would have done this to me, he needed so much more than once a week, I just didn't get it , I needed to FEEL his anger.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

confusedinlife said:


> We have been married for almost 20 years...We started off doing it evry day....then every week....then every other week....then once a month ( maybe) which is pretty much where we are. It really pisses me off but I am tired of arguing about it. My wife says she is doing the best she can.....
> 
> I hear many other guys hear similar stories....


Another catch phrase that get's on my nerves. I'm doing the best you can says I'm not willing to change my priorities to address our problem. And when I say our, any problem in a marriage is not yours alone. Marriage is a team sport. Everyone is affected.


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## confusedinlife (Mar 9, 2012)

phantomfan said:


> Another catch phrase that get's on my nerves. I'm doing the best you can says I'm not willing to change my priorities to address our problem. And when I say our, any problem in a marriage is not yours alone. Marriage is a team sport. Everyone is affected.



yea well I am tired of hearing the same crap...


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