# Advise plz



## casam (Jan 5, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for 5 yrs n have 2 kids together. He has talked about bringing either another man or another couple into the bedroom. Im not to fond of this idea. We have discussed this very deeply rules, outcomes, what ifs.. I want to do this FOR him because I love him so very much and I want him to b happy. But I do not want this for myself. I have done other things in the bedroom to make him happy that I would have never done for anybody else. He has started to look for this other couple or man and has found a few. Im getting scared and very uneasy. I dont want this to ruin our family. I want to do it to keep him happy. I dont want him to end up resenting me cuz I wont do this and vise versa. He tells me that he doesnt want me to do anything im not comfortable w but I know deep down he really wants this.

Please help


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## LovetheDaisy (Oct 12, 2011)

If you are uneasy about it, STOP NOW! You are doing yourself and this marriage a huge disservice. Why does he want to bring in other people? If you have explained to him how you felt about this and he doesn't have the capacity and respect towards you as his wife, then you have a whole different set of issues. Aren't you afraid you will resent him for asking you to do things that are WAY beyond your comfort zone?


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

casam said:


> My husband and I have been married for 5 yrs n have 2 kids together. He has talked about bringing either another man or another couple into the bedroom. Im not to fond of this idea. We have discussed this very deeply rules, outcomes, what ifs.. I want to do this FOR him because I love him so very much and I want him to b happy. But I do not want this for myself. I have done other things in the bedroom to make him happy that I would have never done for anybody else. He has started to look for this other couple or man and has found a few. Im getting scared and very uneasy. I dont want this to ruin our family. I want to do it to keep him happy. I dont want him to end up resenting me cuz I wont do this and vise versa. He tells me that he doesnt want me to do anything im not comfortable w but I know deep down he really wants this.
> 
> Please help


It always amazes me to see people write that they will do this or that because they love their spouse even though its something they do not care for. I'm all for some kind of sacrifice in the name of love, (depends on what it is) BUT, IMO bringing another man/woman into the marital situation is not love to me. A loving/sexual relationship is between two people, not three or four. 

People will say but we want to connect and become friends with other couples, its not just about sex. Well IMO I do think its about sex. Sexual fulfillment from another person other than their spouse. Why? To spice up the sex life? They can do that without bringing a third party in. Bottom line to me is, its all about getting some different p*ss and d*ck. People will sugarcoat it etc, but at the end of the day thats what its really about. 

IMO if you go along with something you do not want or like, there is going to be trouble. Most of the time these things rarely workout. Bottom line people will get hurt. Your husband needs to think with the head on his shoulders and ask himself, is this risk worth losing his marriage over.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Stand your ground. You will not enjoy yourself and will resent your husband for pushing you to do something so degrading.

I'm all for expanding sex outside of our comfort zones on occasion. But the goal is to take something that you're just slightly uneasy about and discovering that it's actually fun. Or, if not, at least you tried and you can discard that idea.

But that's not what this is about. This is about obliterating your comfort zone. This is about coercing you to do something you find repulsive.

Worst case scenario is that your husband divorces you over your refusal to have sex with another man. I still think that's preferable to handing over your own rights and morals to someone who clearly doesn't value you.

If you're religious, play up that angle. Tell your husband you think the two of you should discuss this with your pastor. I'm sure he'll be against that. He may even let it drop.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Have you asked him WHY he feels the need to bring others into your marriage? If he says to spice it up, thats BS you all can do that and try new things without bringing other people into it. 

I think you need to put your foot down on the issue if its not something you are comfortable with. If he gets mad or harbors resentment over it, tough thats on him. Also I think if you go along with it and its not what you want, you will harbor resentment towards him as well. You may already have some towards him anyway for even suggesting such a thing.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

casam said:


> My husband and I have been married for 5 yrs n have 2 kids together. He has talked about bringing either another man or another couple into the bedroom. Im not to fond of this idea. We have discussed this very deeply rules, outcomes, what ifs.. I want to do this FOR him because I love him so very much and I want him to b happy. But I do not want this for myself. I have done other things in the bedroom to make him happy that I would have never done for anybody else. He has started to look for this other couple or man and has found a few. Im getting scared and very uneasy. I dont want this to ruin our family. I want to do it to keep him happy. I dont want him to end up resenting me cuz I wont do this and vise versa. He tells me that he doesnt want me to do anything im not comfortable w but I know deep down he really wants this.
> 
> Please help


 You have to sit down with him and quash this now!! This will only lead to pain and hurt down the line. He is manipulating into this. 
As someone with a libido on overdrive and whose open to almost anything, I can understand your husband in that regard, but to push THAT hard for something in the bedroom is unacceptable. It just is. I don't care if the subject has to do with sex, money, children, etc - you CANNOT force/manipulate your spouse into something if it truly makes them that uncomfortable. That's what a loving, functional marriage is all about.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

casam said:


> * Im getting scared and very uneasy. I dont want this to ruin our family. I want to do it to keep him happy. I dont want him to end up resenting me cuz I wont do this and vise versa. He tells me that he doesnt want me to do anything im not comfortable w but I know deep down he really wants this.*


This means if you go through with the threesome/orgy, and your marriage starts falling apart because if it, then you are to blame. Your already uncomfortable.


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

Don't do it. You are going to be so upset w/ yourself after you sleep w/ another man while your husband watches. 

Also, It will not stop after 1 man or other couple. Your H will want more other men. 

Be strong. You must tell him it is simply impossible. And you must say it like you mean it. He may be looking for your reaction to judge whether he should continue. You may be encouraging him by not being firm.


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## Badsmit (Dec 29, 2011)

You know your husband and only he can answer the question of why? Why another man? I am not trying to be homophobic or attack his manhood but he needs to answer the question of why? Why another man, I think it's safe to say most men may want another women in bed. I find it interesting that you said he wanted another man to join first. What type of porn (if he watches) does he like. He may have bi-sexual tendencies or want to explore his sexuality. Tell him if you are not comfortable with the situation. Insecurities and resentment will arise or he may want this to become the new norm. Stand your ground.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

MMF fantasy is just as common as FFM fantasy amongst males.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Nooooooooooooooo!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

casam said:


> My husband and I have been married for 5 yrs n have 2 kids together. He has talked about bringing either another man or another couple into the bedroom. Im not to fond of this idea. We have discussed this very deeply rules, outcomes, what ifs.. I want to do this FOR him because I love him so very much and I want him to b happy. But I do not want this for myself. I have done other things in the bedroom to make him happy that I would have never done for anybody else. He has started to look for this other couple or man and has found a few. Im getting scared and very uneasy. I dont want this to ruin our family*. I want to do it to keep him happy*. I dont want him to end up resenting me cuz I wont do this and vise versa. He tells me that he doesnt want me to do anything im not comfortable w but I know deep down he really wants this.
> 
> Please help


Anytime you are scared or uneasy, it should be a signal to you to listen to your gut. It is telling you that this is a personal boundary for you and it should not be breached.

I bolded something in your OP. Guess what? You can't make anybody else happy, did you know that? We can only really make ourselves so - it is all in how we handle ourselves and feel about ourselves. Your husband is the one that has to work on his own happiness, not you.

Stand up for what you believe is right. Let him handle his own happiness, you handle your own. Going down the path that he wants to go down is not something that you can undo once it has been done. And regret for doing something that was so against our own personal boundaries can last a very long time.

_"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” ~ Jim Rohn _ 

I hope you can find the self-discipline and self-respect needed to be able to stand up for what you really believe is right, and tell your husband that you want your marriage bed to remain between just the two of you.

Best wishes.


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