# What should I do...



## jm3255 (Feb 25, 2019)

Looking for some advice on how to handle the following situation. My wife does a girls night out every year with her childhood friend. This year they went to a casino and stayed the night. When she came back I asked her how it was and she mentioned that they met a group of guys while there they hung out with (my wifes friend is single). She mentioned that they were drinking pretty heavily, that she was fairly drunk and took a few shots. Her friend doesn't play table games so my wife ended up playing black jack the majority of the night with one of these other guys (who is also married). When they were cashing out chips at the end of the night he apparently asked my wife to reach in his front pocket to grab his wallet since he had a drink and chips in his other hands. She said she did not reach in. My wife took it as he was flirting with her... I said he was probably itching for invite back to her room and she scoffed at that and said no way, he's married! This was sometime between 2-3 in the morning... 

I'm not sure I'm hearing the full story from her, the whole thing seems a little off... Am I overacting? What should I do? 

Also, we've been married 8 years, 2 kids.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does your wife usually lie to you? Or has she been an honest person all along?

To me it sounds like she handled it the right way by not reaching into his pocket.

I doubt she would have told you all that if she had something to hide.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I am a regular casino gambler. The tables can be pick up spots. I dislike those players intently as they mess up the flow of the game. When I sit down at a blackjack table, it is business from the second I sit, to the second I cash out. I am a conservative and deliberate player. I dislike when the table becomes chatty, and the dealer slows it down. I have seen players get too comfortable and leave the table with one another. 

I cannot comment on whether this is plausible or not. Her telling a disjointed and less than believable story should lead you to doing more investigation.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

jm3255 said:


> My wife took it as he was flirting with her... I said he was probably itching for invite back to her room and she scoffed at that and said no way, he's married! This was sometime between 2-3 in the morning...


I don't think there's more to the story. It sounds like your wife is way too trusting of men and doesn't realize their true intentions. I'm sure every man reading this realizes what was meant by trying to get her hand in his pocket. It's clear your wife is too trusting and has poor boundaries. But even if she doesn't fully acknowledge his intentions, why did she let him flirt with her for so long? That's just playing with fire. Over the course of hours, I'm sure it went from friendly greetings, directed conversations, ambiguous flirting, explicit flirting, and then attempt at hand in pocket. Even if she had no intention of something more, she shouldn't have been flirting in the first place. A married person should not just go along with someone flirting with them.

The danger is that she can easily get caught up in something and get in too far before she realizes the lines she's crossing. After a certain point, the love hormones start taking over and she'll become a different person. Even if she has no intention of cheating when she's clear headed, she may find it much harder to resist after she's been flirting for a long time.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

You may be right that he was probably itching for an invite 
back to her room. But Elegirl is 100 % right your wife handled 
it the right way. Your wife didn't have to tell you any of this
stuff about the guys.


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## jm3255 (Feb 25, 2019)

> I don't think there's more to the story. It sounds like your wife is way too trusting of men and doesn't realize their true intentions.


Thank you that makes sense. The part of her flirting with another guy and being alone with him (a stranger) for a number of hours is what bothers me more than anything. Do you suggest I confront her about that? I don't want to come across as the overbearing, controlling husband.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

jm3255 said:


> I'm not sure I'm hearing the full story from her, the whole thing seems a little off... Am I overacting? What should I do?


You know your wife better than we do. However, if she cheated on you, then I don't think she would have told you about the men there, and other details.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I think maybe you need some stronger boundaries for her -- like NO HANGING out with guys and flirting/drinking. She's married NOT single (doesn't matter if her friend is single). How would she like it if YOU were doing that?


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Confront her about what exactly ?

Your wife was playing blackjack and
she said the guy flirting with her.
If you confront her after she told 
you what happened then she may 
not tell you next time something does.

I am not saying not to be vigilant but
until you really suspect or know something
you can't do anything but trust your wife.

I would maybe wait a little while ( not to long )
after this and then discuss boundaries with her.
Now might not be the right time. If you feel 
you need to do so. I think she probably already
knows you are upset anyways. Try and not make it 
worse.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Doesn't smell like cheating but your wife is naive.

Get the book "Not Just Friends" this is the senario where it can lead to more.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

jm3255 said:


> Thank you that makes sense. The part of her flirting with another guy and being alone with him (a stranger) for a number of hours is what bothers me more than anything. Do you suggest I confront her about that? I don't want to come across as the overbearing, controlling husband.


What was she supposed to do, go to Vegas and stay in the hotel room? I trust my husband to be around females in Vegas, China, wherever else he may go. It's called being partners. Kind of sounds like you DON'T trust your own wife. Why is that?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I don't know tunera, but I don't think ANY spouse should be hanging out drinking with OS people flirting with them.
You know what COULD have happened to her (or a guy), even if SHE didn't want it to happen (date rape happens a lot if you read the news) and putting herself into that position where something could happen is just plain risky.

There is plenty to do in Vegas without having to hang out with a 'bunch of guys' and then spend hours with one of them drinking.


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## jm3255 (Feb 25, 2019)

turnera said:


> What was she supposed to do, go to Vegas and stay in the hotel room? I trust my husband to be around females in Vegas, China, wherever else he may go. It's called being partners. Kind of sounds like you DON'T trust your own wife. Why is that?


Of course I knew she'd be out having fun, but I didn't expect her to be hanging out with another guy one on one doing shots until 3am. It's not a situation I would put myself in because I know things can happen and was surprised that she would.


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## jm3255 (Feb 25, 2019)

wilson said:


> But even if she doesn't fully acknowledge his intentions, why did she let him flirt with her for so long? That's just playing with fire. Over the course of hours, I'm sure it went from friendly greetings, directed conversations, ambiguous flirting, explicit flirting, and then attempt at hand in pocket. Even if she had no intention of something more, she shouldn't have been flirting in the first place. A married person should not just go along with someone flirting with them.


Yes, I said to her "you must have been flirting with him if he asked to put your hand in his pocket" but she denied that she was doing any flirting.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

I would tell her, if roles were reversed, she likely wouldn't want you hanging out with some random woman at a casino drinking until 3am and then ask her not to do that again, that it crosses a boundary that you aren't comfortable with.

If she says what she did was ok, immediately book a boys night at the casino, ideally with a single friend.


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

If you are married wtf is your wife doing playing single girl one day a year off without you? How about you draw a line and have some boundaries and tell her that you are far too uncomfortable with your wife going off on this trip. And that as a married woman you expect her to begin acting like a married woman.

Heck if my wife was going off without me with single women I would banish the children to a relatives and I'd be at the bar all night getting numbers and hey maybe whoops going home with some bar skank. Worked wonders the one single time my wife did this. Have some GD boundaries.


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