# Clingy mother in law + uncommunicative husband



## Anigroeg (May 15, 2011)

Hello
If anyone can help me with this one I would be very grateful as I feel driven to distraction.

Firstly I have a husband who is terrible at communicating. If there are family issues that need to be discussed he just clams up and appears to sulk leaving me to make all the decisions which are usually wrong apparently, though I wouldn't know for sure because he doesn't tell me. 

The second issue is his mother. She just won't let go! I few years ago after the birth of our daughter, we decided to move 150 miles away so that I could be closer to my friends and family for support as him and his family were not able or willing to help. He has remained living in his mother's house in the week ever since and coming back to us at weekends. 

The mother has since stated that she has rights to see her grand-daughter intimating that I was somehow stopping her from seeing her which was nonsense. SHe then took me to one side to tell me that her son does not want any more children which really hurt as I would have hoped that that would be a discussion between me and my husband. She visits us one weekend a month but has started to leave her clothes and other items in the spare room without asking which I find very rude. To top it all we have completely different view points on politics, education, discipline, what is healthy and sincemy husband has been living with her in the week, he's now taking on those views and we disagree now on most things. 

This is ruining our marriage. ANy advice welcome!


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

The first step is you have to live together as a family, 7 days a week. 99% of your support should come from within your immediate family unit.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

NOTHING will change so long as he is living there. He needs to be with his wife and children, this is his vows, this is what is suppossed to BE. When you marry, you leave your mother & father. If his Mother was a balanced woman-wanting what is best for her son & his family, she would understand these things & push for him to do the right thing, even if it means she will be loosing him. I wonder if her relationship with the father is strained so she depends on the son? This happens many times unfortunetly. Much Boundary crossing going on. 

I am curious what brought the 2 of you together in the 1st place? He was reared by these people, likely he had similar beliefs about politics, education, discipline -*before* you married. Was these things never discussed?

It is very very tough when you marry someone who does not share the same values & beliefs. Most of us are very stubborn when it comes to these things, they are somehow a part of us, and usually remain so. 

If you & him are polar opposites, I would say to make this work, you both will have to compromise in many areas. 

Does he work throughout the week- is this what keeps him at his mothers house?


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