# Money control ( does this sound normal )



## alliexoxo (Mar 12, 2018)

I admit I have a bit of a spending problem. I like to buy things off the Facebook buy sell and trade sites a lot. I also buy a lot of food. Take out . I find myself hiding fast food bags and receipts so my husband don’t get mad at me. He makes decent money and I’m a sahm. I’m never allowed to buy anything for myself but he can buy himself a $300 saw that he let his friend keep in his garage. We are leaving for the beach Saturday and I paid for the trip on my credit card which was a huge mistake. Like I said, I admit I have spending issues. Lately he has cut me off of money. We have separate bank accounts and whenever I absolutely have to have money (to pay the bills usually is the only time) he will zelle me money. I consulted with my psychiatrist about this issue today and she started me on a new medication for my OCD. Money spending can be a huge problem for people with ocd so we will see how that goes. I guess I spent so much money that he needed to cut me off ($1000 on our beach hotel) but it just sucks because I have no money anymore. He gets mad when I have to spend $30 on my own medicine monthly. Honestly I’ve been thinking about leaving him because of his terrible attitude towards me. My mom bought my kids and I Pizza today and he came through the door and saw the pizza box on the counter and cocked an attitude assuming I had bought it. He’s always grouchy. I can’t work because of debilitating anxiety and ocd. I have recently applied for disability but that will take a while. I’m considering moving in with my mom. I will receive about 1k a month in child support and I will have to learn to spend it wisely. I know I sound like the bad one here. I can already see your comments about to come “you spent all his money then complain when he cuts you off “ I guess it’s true. In all honestly I think if we shared a bank account I would spend less because he would be able to see what I’m spending money on. 


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Couples need to work on money issues together. Joint accounts, building a budget together, each having some of their own money to do with what they wish. But I think in your case the money issues are only a symptom of bigger issues. The two of you need to address the marriage issues first.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Try and see it from his side, it cant be easy having a spouse who spends loads of money on takeouts, and they are so bad for your health as well. Try and cook your meals from home, it will save money and you and the children will be so much healthier. With just one wage there cant be much spare each month. Isnt there a part time job you could cope with?It may even help your mental state to get out and meet people.
Ask him if he would go to marriage counselling with you to help sort this out. Leaving him sounds very drastic.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

I would suggest creating a budget. See what you've been saving money on. A useful resource:









A Proven Plan for Financial Success | RamseySolutions.com


Learn to budget, beat debt, save and invest with Ramsey Solutions, founded by Dave Ramsey, bestselling author, radio host and America’s trusted voice on money.




www.daveramsey.com


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Dave Ramsey is good.

Another good response is *Smart Couples Finish Rich, Revised and Updated: 9 Steps to Creating a Rich Future for You and Your Partner* by David Bach

I suggest you read the Smart Couples Finish Rich book and then look into Dave Ramsey. The two methods are compatible.

It is impossible for us to know if your husband is out of hand or if your spending is actually out of control since we have no idea what your household income and bills are. Basically you two should be putting at least 10% a month into savings, pay all your bills, and then both of you get 50% of anything left (discretionary funds) for each payday for you each to spend as you choose. When you have children, the children's needs come into play as well. So some money should be set aside for them as well.

For example, you say that you spent $1,000 on your vacation hotel. We have no way of knowing if that's reasonable. It might very well be. How many people were on the vacation? How many nights? Did your husband go on this vacation? Why are you paying for the vacation, why is this not a join expense? Did the two of you work out a vacation budget before hand?

For example, if you you each get $300 a month in discretionary funds you should not be expected to spend your funds for things like eating out with the children, doc visits, and other necessities for the children.

As long as you are not running up bills that will damage your finances, you should have access to all marital assets. If you are damaging your finances then you need to get help to learn how not to do that. 

Why does he control the finances? Why don't you have access to a joint account?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

alliexoxo said:


> I can already see your comments about to come “you spent all his money then complain when he cuts you off “ I guess it’s true.


I'm glad you can see that.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

What ages are your children. Could you get a job?


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

A lot of people are losing their jobs and these are stressful times. Maybe he feels like the whole burden of supporting the family is on his shoulders and with you spending uncontrollably, it's really a recipe for a lot of stress and friction between you two. If you had a joint account, it would probably feel to him like it's completely out of control.

Anyway, you seem to understand the problems your spending is causing.


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