# Coparenting with a childish ex husband



## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

Recently separated and I have a 1 year old with my ex husband. Trying to navigate coparenting with my ex is literally like dealing with a child. If there is something I am doing that he does not agree with he will start saying things like "well, you can find someone else to take our son to his appointment" or "I guess I will be coming late then to see our son". Most recent childish antic surrounds plans that I made to go out. These plans fall within the timeframe my ex is to be with our son. My ex decided to move 3.5 hours away from us, so he is always trying to find some dumb excuse to skip out early to make the drive back home so he does not get home too late (who the f*ck told you to move that far!?). So he asked me last minute if he could leave early, I said no, I have plans that cannot be changed. He then goes off an a tangent about why I cant reschedule my date, and what is so special about this date? I never said anything about a date, and this is the same asshole that was serial cheating while we were married and then decided to move 3.5 hours away to live with his girlfriend, so why the hell do you care if I'm dating anyone!? So now he is threatening to come very late to pick up our son or not come at all. The fact that he uses time with his son as a bargaining chip is so ridiculous. Anyone else deal with this type of nonsense?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

RNSoSo said:


> (who the f*ck told you to move that far!?)


Seems like you know the answer to that one.

Serious question; are you looking for _advice _from the forum, or are you looking for _support_?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I know a lady whose child has a dad who honestly hasn't got a clue about parenting. He also lives a fair way away, about 3 hours drive. They have agreed to meet once a month half way between them and have a morning or afternoon when they take the child somewhere nice. Seems to work ok. Maybe try that?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

I don't know whether you want advice, either. But I'm going to offer you a brief one....

Get a lawyer. Your ex will never become any kind of reliable father to your son. Offer to have him give up his parental rights. Then, raise your son yourself. Your son does need his father. Find another ADULT man to be a father to him. Your son will be better off with no father than with a child-father. And, if it is done so early in his life, your son will not "miss" him.

Use your lawyer to force high child-support payments from the man-child. No meetings, no interference, no nonsense. Done.


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## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

Laurentium said:


> Seems like you know the answer to that one.
> 
> Serious question; are you looking for _advice _from the forum, or are you looking for _support_?


Perhaps both. I'm honestly not sure at this point. Just frustrated with his behaviour, and I guess I needed to vent.


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## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I know a lady whose child has a dad who honestly hasn't got a clue about parenting. He also lives a fair way away, about 3 hours drive. They have agreed to meet once a month half way between them and have a morning or afternoon when they take the child somewhere nice. Seems to work ok. Maybe try that?


I pose the question what meaningful relationship can be developed between our son and his father with a visit once a month?


Diana7 said:


> I know a lady whose child has a dad who honestly hasn't got a clue about parenting. He also lives a fair way away, about 3 hours drive. They have agreed to meet once a month half way between them and have a morning or afternoon when they take the child somewhere nice. Seems to work ok. Maybe try that?


Once a month seems like very little time for our son to develop a strong relationship with his dad.


Diana7 said:


> I know a lady whose child has a dad who honestly hasn't got a clue about parenting. He also lives a fair way away, about 3 hours drive. They have agreed to meet once a month half way between them and have a morning or afternoon when they take the child somewhere nice. Seems to work ok. Maybe try that?


I just want our son to have a strong, healthy relationship with his dad, and I don't know how that will develop with our son only seeing his dad once a month, but perhaps that might have to be explored if this behaviour persists. Thank you for the suggestion.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Don't rely on him as childcare when you have plans. Have a backup.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

As your child gets older you'll find the distance to be really limiting. What child will travel 7 hours round trip to stay with dad with any regularity?


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## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

Livvie said:


> As your child gets older you'll find the distance to be really limiting. What child will travel 7 hours round trip to stay with dad with any regularity?


Yes, exactly, it makes absolutely no sense. He says he wants to eventually have our son spend more time with him during the week, but how the heck is that ever going to happen with his current living arrangement?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RNSoSo said:


> I pose the question what meaningful relationship can be developed between our son and his father with a visit once a month?
> Once a month seems like very little time for our son to develop a strong relationship with his dad.
> I just want our son to have a strong, healthy relationship with his dad, and I don't know how that will develop with our son only seeing his dad once a month, but perhaps that might have to be explored if this behaviour persists. Thank you for the suggestion.


For this couple it was better than the first year when he didnt bother seeing her at all. You could do this every 2 weeks maybe? Hopefully your son has other men in his life, grandad or uncle say, who can be a good male role model.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RNSoSo said:


> Yes, exactly, it makes absolutely no sense. He says he wants to eventually have our son spend more time with him during the week, but how the heck is that ever going to happen with his current living arrangement?


If he stays there I can only see him being able to have him to stay in school holidays for a week or two.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

You already knew he was a POS, so this shouldn't be a surprise to you.

As someone else said, your son is going to eventually start avoiding going to Peter Pan's house because the ride just ain't worth it. Hell, from the sounds of it, if he lived across the street the WALK wouldn't be worth it. What a useless assclown.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> ou already knew he was a POS, so this shouldn't be a surprise to you.


Right. Treat him exactly as he is. Get a judge to adjudicate child support, and lock his a$$ up the first missed payment. Don't worry about your son. He will fare better with his dad out of the picture.


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## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You already knew he was a POS, so this shouldn't be a surprise to you.
> 
> As someone else said, your son is going to eventually start avoiding going to Peter Pan's house because the ride just ain't worth it. Hell, from the sounds of it, if he lived across the street the WALK wouldn't be worth it. What a useless assclown.


You are totally right. I already knew he was a POS when it came to many aspects of our marriage, but I honestly did not expect this to trickle into aspects related to our son. But now I'm learning to keep my expectations with him extremely low.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Seeing as how you are separated and not divorced I can only assume you have a lawyer for advice? If not then it would be wise to hire one. In the mean time you need to document all interactions, child custody issues, etc. in order to build a case. I would suggest communication via e-mail for custody arrangements as a source of proof. These situations can be an absolute ass ache.


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