# Lost my high school sweetheart, now what??



## zook383 (Sep 2, 2012)

All started when I we were 14 years old. Met online but in a very different way than you do now. We found we had lots in common and were official by age 15. We couldnt get enough of each other, inseparable. When we turned 18 we moved in together with a room mate and partied hard for 1.5 years. we wanted our own life so we moved out and got our own place. About a year after that, I was still wanting to be with other girls cause Id never been with anyone but her. She got tired of it and left me. I went wild and hooked up with two girls less than a month after she left. I never wanted a relationship with these girls, just fun. Well one day out of the blue, my sweetheart comes back and says she wants me back. I take her back with joy! I never wanted another girl after that. 6 months later I had a ring on her finger. After about another 6 months she said its time to buy a house. So we buy a little 3br stater home and all is good. Wedding time comes around and its everything we ever dreamed of. Right before the wedding I started school for my associates and finished about a year after we got married. But I never used the degree. I have been at the same job since I was 19. Im now 26. I make okay money but I cannot make anymore doing what Im doing. I work until 5-6 and I had to have beer every night. I would come home, she her some lovin, and let her talk to me for hours about her day at work. Well, I got in a rut and routine and so did she. Then about 9 months ago she started to show some concern about us. I didnt see it as a warning but as nagging and complaining. I admit, I got lazy after we were married and didnt romance her or show my true feeling for her. She would go out of her way to surprise me with birthdays and little things, and rarely would I return the favor. I noticed my slacking and would tell her that I really love her and shes my best friend and I was sorry for not doing the same things she did for me. But I didnt change. a few months ago she was talking about going to Europe for the honeymoon we never had. Then we decided to use our saving for a down payment on a new house. Again, I was out back drinking beer and she was inside looking all over the net for homes. I showed no interest because it was like, you find the houses, Ill say yay or nay, again, lack of involvement. I wouldnt take finances too serious either because she always did them and if we were low, its "hey, were low, dont be spending" and I wouldnt until some time passed. I still am not using my degree and have no work experience with it either. It was actually a waste of big money, $40k for an asscoiates. I know I messed up and thats part of what brought me into a rut. About 2 months she told me she wasnt feeling us anymore, but she was still in love with me. Again, I thought "her problem". Then august 6 she comes home and says shes done. Im like whats that mean? She said she dosent want to be with me anymore. I say "ever"? and she shakes her head yes. I proceed to flip out in panic and shock. She has wanted kids for awhile now and I never really showed an interest in that either, actually a bit of disinterest for now. Before she hit me with not feeling us, I was seriously getting myself ready to ask her if she wants to make a baby. I told her that and of course she didnt believe me. Her family is like mine too. My family is small and broken, hers is large and tight. I loved it. I work with her brother, been there for all the neices and nephews being born, saw her sisters date, find new guys, get married, have kids. 12 years together, shes all I know. As of today, she has her own apartment even though we still have our mortgage, and has the papers drawn up, and we have agreed on how to split everything. But now I cannot function. I cooked for us every night, we went out every weekend, had so many good times, and shes just "over it". I have 2 friends and 3 family member, and no one else. she was my life. I want her back and she knows it but said she needs to get herself right and R is not an option. I want her to be the mother of my kids, I want to give her the gift of children that she has always wanted, and I know what I have to change about myself. Im trying to change myself but its hard when Im lost as to what to even do when I wake up or get home from work without her. Shes been out running around constantly and have little free time. I know thats what I need to do so Ive been taking the dog on walks, driving around, all that but I still have nothing to do. Her sisters are her support system but they are very biased and outspoken. I told her that even though I will sign the papers, it was to let her do what she wanted to do and not because I didnt want to be with her forever. I offered counseling and therapy and all she says is she dosent need to pay someone to tell her how she feels towards me. I also promised her that she will be the mother of my children one day hopefully soon and all she said was "maybe". She has a 1 year lease and the house is going go up for sale and all our savings is going to be depleted in fees and other bills. Shes taking the dog we've had for 4 years, a 100lb german shepherd her mom bought her, to a 1 br apartment. I have been with 3 girls in my life and im the only one shes ever been with. She went off birth control 3 months ago after we talked about getting redy for kids. I just dont want her to hook up with some guy, get preggo and really ruin her life. She says she loves me to death but dosent want anything to do with me. I just dont how to get on making my changes so she can see them and perhaps when her lease is up we will be talking agiain, but by then we will have no house, savings, and a gap/breech in our marriage. Ive been trying to break contact but its hard when her friends are my friends and family is shared, and so much else. I long for the day she will allow me to sweep her off her feet again. Ive quit drinking, quit spending, and have a real, real desire to get her back and start our family. I know I have what it takes and am willing to put in 110% but shes not wanting it. She says she dosent want another guy right now but she wants to hurry the divorce so she can move on and get herlife straight. She said something about going back to school but as far as I know she has made no moves towards that. Everyone who has known her except her mom and sisters says she has snapped and she is not the same person. They tried talking to her but she cut them all off from her life too. Now she has her family and old friends she says she dumped for because of me but now shes back with them and she told me she got so wasted a few nights abo she was drunk at work until 3 the next day. Thats NOT my wife. I know I messed up but 1 month and its a complete 180. What gives and how do I deal with this?


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