# Hello... it’s so typical of me to talk about myself, I’m sorry



## Gazorpian46 (Jun 7, 2019)

Older member- new username. 

Female- mid thirties. In a great relationship for a year and a half now but just realizing we have different life goals and seeking advice. 

Hoping I can chat with someone who has BtDT or maybe get a clearer idea of how to move forward in my current situation.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I read your other thread. I can relate. Before I met and married my husband, I dated a guy for 2 years before finding out he didn't want to get married...ever. What a waste of time! I was looking for a permanent relationship and to start a family. I wish he had told me that earlier. We didn't move in together, neither of us wanted to do that, me for moral reasons, him for his secret reason of not wanting to be tied down, so the logistics of breaking up were easy. It wasn't easy emotionally though.

After I had been married for 10 years and had our 3rd child a friend told me his live-in girlfriend of several years had just left him for the same reason: she wanted to get married. The guy was damaged from his parent's relationship and divorce and feared commitment.

What was your old username?


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Nothing wrong with not getting married and being long term but both parties should be up front about it from the start.........


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Hello. Can you hear me?

...sorry, I just couldn't help it with your thread title. 

My second husband pulled the couldn't get married card on me. We were engaged mind you. We were eating with friends and one of them asked when our wedding would be. He said it was not in our plans. I said nothing then and there, but when we got to his house we talked. I told him under no uncertain terms that I wasn't merchandise he could place on lay-away. If that was the reason for our engagement, then he could take his ring back. I wanted to get married and spend the rest of my life with him. 

He told me a bull**** story of promising his dead wife that he would make sure the kids would be okay. I cried and handed him the ring. I told him it was over. (His kids were 19 and 16. He had kept his promise to his dead wife for ten years. His kids were more than OK and both our kids got along great and they loved me and I them). I left it at that and didn't bother taking his calls or opening my door. 

After two weeks I finally agreed to dinner and talked. He asked me when I wanted us to marry. He couldn't stand living without me and that his dead wife would understand. We got married 3 months later. His dramatic ways should have been a huge red flag. He was as narc as they come. But I was vulnerable when he swept me off my feet and did and said everything I wanted to hear.

Please leave this guy. He is tainted. He will resent you for forcing him to commit. This, of course is not true, but that is how his brain will spin this. He is far from perfect. He just showed you who he really is. Mine did too when he fed me the BS story of his promise to a dead wife. He was not even present when his X- wife died. They were divorced and not on speaking terms when she passed away ten years before meeting me. I was simply an easy prey he fooled by romancing me a bit. 

Everything was perfect if it was on his terms. With my personality, that didn't last long and his true colors came through. 

When a man that has the issues your man has tells you he will never marry believe him and walk away. He is a fool, but at least you have a chance to walk away less damaged than I was. Better him a fool than you for thinking he was a great catch.

Take it from this fool.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Gazorpian46 said:


> Older member- new username.
> 
> Female- mid thirties. In a great relationship for a year and a half now but just realizing we have different life goals and seeking advice.
> 
> Hoping I can chat with someone who has BtDT or maybe get a clearer idea of how to move forward in my current situation.


You move forward by telling him you were interested in him as a permanent committed partner - I assume you mean marriage correct? .

Since the life goals of both of you are incompatible it is best you no longer see each other and move on, that you cannot remain in a relationship that has no future for your partnership goals. 

Then do it.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Gazorpian46 said:


> Hoping I can chat with someone who has BtDT or maybe get a clearer idea of how to move forward in my current situation.


 You've got* 4 pages* in your other thread with 99% of the posters telling you to MOVE ON, not 'move forward,' from your selfish, self absorbed, self-entitled boyfriend. He knows you want to be married but doesn't feel you're worthy, and he knows you want children but since he's sterile, you've foolishly chosen to sacrifice that need as well - and he KNOWS it. 

And he's fine with you sacrificing BOTH of those things, isn't he? Yup, he sure is. It's no sweat off his back because he still gets what *he* wants, doesn't he, Gazorpian46? Yup, he sure does. At zero cost to his selfish ass.

So what's Mr. Selfish sacrificing for *you* for "love?" I ask that question in all sincerity. * What's he sacrificing for you?* So far, the only one continually sacrificing anything is YOU.

Another poster pointed out to you in your other thread how SELFISH this guy is and you went to bat defending him and pointing out what a 'great guy' he is and sang his praises and blah blah blah.  If you actually took off the rose-colored glasses, you'd be able to see *exactly* how selfish he really is and you'd understand what that poster was saying to you because she was 100% correct. He seems to have no problem expecting you to compromise *your* needs and to lower *your *expectations to stay together while he continues to make sure his OWN expectations and boundaries aren't lowered or compromised in any way. Yeah, he's a real prince, OP.

The sad part is that you can't even see that and instead you defend this constant disrespect he continually throws at you.

*Take off the rose-colored glasses. *

One day when you're 40+ years old, childless and still single because you wasted even _more_ years on this selfish tool before you finally saw the light and left, you're going to be VERY angry that you gave up the choice to have kids just to cling to someone who wasn't willing to put in the same personal commitment that *you* were. Right now, you're too blinded by love to really appreciate what we're all trying to impress upon you, and instead, you continue to bargain with yourself and to chip away at your expectations and boundaries because you want so badly to convince yourself that he's still worth staying with, even after his latest show of complete self-absorbtion and selfishness. 

What will you sacrifice NEXT for this 'great' guy, Gazorpian46? How much _more _pride and dignity are you willing to swallow in order to find a way to be OK with crapping all over your OWN hopes, dreams and desires just to desperately cling like grim death to this unworthy man?


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## iamoookkkk (Jun 2, 2019)

Tru to find some Compromiss.
Cause it's okey if you like or want different things.
You should find the way that will make you both happy.


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