# weird sex strike update



## marlborolights (Jan 21, 2009)

So he left for his business trip yesterday morning.
Havent heard a word from him but a call this morning to ask about kids.
Anyway, 2 of my neighbors pop in for a visit and end up staying several hours. we had a very nice time.
I get an sms. actually several my phone was on silent. From him. Asking me to take risque photos of myself and send them to him. Something Ive done in the past.
I send back "No. besides cant have company"
For the rest of the night, I felt like I was being terrorized by phone, him tellimg me to slip into the bathroom and do it, then when I send him no he tells me to write him sexy messages, and on and on and on. I must have sent only 4 replies to his 20 messages. Then he starts sending messages that say: "You are a liar. You are LYING to me you have no company you just dont want to do it."
I know he is just trying to ruffle my feathers.
I send back "Either you have not seen the letter I put in your bag, or you read it and none of it sunk in, and that makes me sad. Goodnight."
He sends back "what letter?"
No more messages. I'm assuming he's reading it right now.
Moment of truth yall.....
fingers crossed.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Well... it sounds like he genuinely did not have the letter to start with. On a positive note, perhaps you should be flattered that he chose pictures of you over porn to want to be stimulated with.

Porn usage is something to watch out for if you intend to keep the strike going.


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## marlborolights (Jan 21, 2009)

Ok I'm going to be brief here! The entire time my husband has been away my neighbors come over in the evening and stay till 2 am! I enjoy it though.
Well after he read the letter he sms'ed me how I blame him for everything, how he needs sex and he's a young guy and thats why it strsses him out and he is in a bad mood and never wants to associate with me, how he does love me but he is stressed out due to no sex, (btw he is not referring to the strike but to our entire marriage, which yes I admit, is lacking in the sex dept). How he has been wishing I am with him the whole time and he has seen somany women on his trip that only proved to him more how im the prettiest woman he's ever seen but he never talks to me cos of the lack of sex.
I did not reply to his sms cos it was rather late, and I did not want to go through the whole " we dont have sex cos you ignore me" vs "I ignore you cos we dont have sex". I also knew if I replied at the time it would be something like "Im not blaming you where did you getthat from" and would turn into a sms fight.
But the next day, he did call.
We talked for a couple of minutes, then, ugh, again, he asks for his naughty pictures. My kids were screaming the whole phone call andI could barely hear him so he sms me "send pics". I thought what the???? Did he not hear the screaming kids and...?
Anyway I didnt answer. But when my kids went to bed he sms'ed me "Would you like me to bring you anything spacefic back from my trip?" Now, in 4 yrs of marriage I dont think he ever asked me that. I sent back, no thank you, just come home safe. I gave him his pics. I gave him about 5 and he asked for more. I told him that was more than enough!
Later that night he sent me an sms saying I was "as beautiful as the moon" or something like that lol.
So I sent back, other than my usual "Yeah, whatever, I'm gross" (which he said bothered him) "Thats sweet of you, thank you. Miss you and cant wait to see you tomorrow."
So he should be back tomorrow night. And I hope he has read that letter and more than once. I'm praying to God this is not the usual being nice until he gets sex then stops. I want our whole relationship to change...for the better.
Well, I guess I will post back here tomorrow night for the conclusion...and we'll see if he is also interested in "starting fresh".
Thank you again everyone for your time, replies, and concern. This forum seriously got me through a lot these last few days.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

i think that's good that you rewarding him when he did something you liked, when he asked you if he could bring you anything back. 

if he responds the way you want and then stops after awhile, i really think you have to just keep trying. i was talking to my mom the other day, telling her how frustrated i am b/c my H will do the same thing; he'll do the things i want for a couple days, and then just drops it. and i was telling my mom i was getting tired of it and i wanted to quit. but she talked to me and told me i just have to keep working on it. and i think she's right.

i am even the same way in my own life. i dont always do the things i know i need to to make myself happy. its something i have to continually work on. so i dont know why i would expect my H to constantly to the things i want, either. 

and i know i dont always do the things he wished i would. 

so i guess i dont think you should think, 'when's he going to stop again', b/c of course he will. you just have to take it one day at a time, enjoy it while its good, work at it when its not.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

marlborolights said:


> Well after he read the letter he sms'ed me how I blame him for everything, how he needs sex and he's a young guy and thats why it strsses him out and he is in a bad mood and never wants to associate with me, how he does love me but he is stressed out due to no sex, (btw he is not referring to the strike but to our entire marriage, which yes I admit, is lacking in the sex dept). How he has been wishing I am with him the whole time and he has seen somany women on his trip that only proved to him more how im the prettiest woman he's ever seen but he never talks to me cos of the lack of sex.


So if you start having sex on a regular basis, he's saying he will be in a good mood and want to connect with you outside of the bedroom. I would hold him to this so you don't get back into a rut.


marlborolights said:


> But when my kids went to bed he sms'ed me "Would you like me to bring you anything spacefic back from my trip?" Now, in 4 yrs of marriage I dont think he ever asked me that. I sent back, no thank you, just come home safe.


Wow, that's something. If he offers again, take him up on it...think of something you'd both have fun with...something sexy for bed, etc. That might get him wanting to continue this pattern of bringing you little gifts 



marlborolights said:


> Later that night he sent me an sms saying I was "as beautiful as the moon" or something like that lol.
> So I sent back, other than my usual "Yeah, whatever, I'm gross" (which he said bothered him) "Thats sweet of you, thank you. Miss you and cant wait to see you tomorrow."


That's really sweet. In a matter of days he's done many things that you've felt have been lacking, to show you he loves you. I am so glad you responded the way you did...I had a bad habit of the 'yeah, right' response and it really bothered my husband...I think many people stop giving compliments when all they get is negative responses from their spouse.

I hope everything goes well for you when he returns...don't be too discouraged if he says/does something that disappoints you, as I don't think you can expect a completely changed man overnight, but I hope you can both continue to do things to show one another you are loved.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Is there any truth to his assertion that you kept him on short rations for the entire marriage? If so I could see how that could lead to a "tit for tat" situation - in other words a downward spiral. Although some men are complex, there are plenty like me who have simple needs. Give me love and sex, and I'm happy  Everything else I can make for myself.

Your letter seems to have got through to him. What you need to do now is capitalise on your gains - your mutual gains that is. One tip I must give you:

The first 5-10 minutes of the home coming is make or break. It is vital that you are super sweet and sexy when he comes in the door. What happens in these vital minutes will set the whole tone for the next few days.

As I explained in another thread somwhere, my wife and I used to mess-up big time on this one. She would be stressed waiting for me to drive home on the busy and dangerous roads, that when I came in she would be ratty instead of pleasant. The absolute worst was when I phoned her on the way home and she started giving me a hard time in the car about what the kids were doing or something. I think in my mind I was thinking - well that's the evening ruined. Other times she would hear me come in the door after a trip, and not even get out of bed (at 10.30-11.30 pm) to say hello. I would be secretly boiling away in the kitchen. After 1 week's hard graft ad 5 or 6 hours on the road, I wanted to come home to something nice.

Eventually I read up on the subject and discovered that a high percentage of arguments start when one of the spouses has been out of the house and comes back in. So I told my wife what I just told you: If either person leaves the house, even briefly, it is important to welcome them back in. If my wife goes shopping, I offer a cup of tea as soon as she is in the door. She loves tea, so it's the right thing to do.

We also talked about it a lot and it turned out she really hated me being away, and it was simply that she was stressed.

Of course if I have been working away, I do expect to be welcomed home by a sexy woman when I come in the door.


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## marlborolights (Jan 21, 2009)

thanks all> got the candles lit< food cooking< hair done< went and bought some new lingerie> god must be on my side cos period hasnt showed up yet (preg test negative) i think its just stress> ok i cant type much my kids played with my computer and its totally screwed up> the keyboards not typing what i want it to>>>will post later>


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