# Cheated husband



## RickBurg (9 mo ago)

My wife and I were married right after High School in 76. I worked a full time job so she could go to school and then our plan was for me to go to school afterwards. I spent 6 years of night school and finished. We worked and and then after 15 years of marriage we were ready for a family. After many dr visits and all the Drs telling my wife “1st loose weight” which she never did. Then in 1995 she went to another Dr. # 9 asking for a hysterectomy. Bastard signed her up for it, and a week later she had what she wanted. I let her talk me into it. Recently I was cleaning out papers and found her file on the hysterectomy. It stated normal reproductive system, overweight, and elective surgery. Dr. Message also sated he told pacient to lose weight and everything would happen. 
after hysterectomy my wife chose NO hormonal treatment that was also in Dr papers. Our sex like died. Sex was few and very far between. She always was the aggressor but afterwards it seemed I had to beg. At one point about 4 years ago She said I was too big for her to take anymore
Im crushed! And don’t know what or how to deal with this! She cheated me out of a family and she’s cheated me out of a sex life


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

RickBurg said:


> I let her talk me into it.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

That is messed up but why have you waited this long to be upset about it? If you graduated in 76, that means you’re about 64 years old. Unfortunately it’s too late to have a kid now but it’s not to late to meet a woman who wants to have a living and sexually satisfying relationship. 

You should implement an exit plan to divorce. Get your finances in order. Get your health and appearance on point, get with a lawyer to get the wheels moving. You already wasted decades with this woman. Don’t waste another decade in a sexless marriage.


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## Asterix (May 16, 2021)

I'm sorry for how you feel about your life, truly. You had ideas and aspirations about how your life would go and she implicitly derailed the train or rather directed the train where she wanted it to go, while denying you of what your wishes were. 

I feel that life and marriage is about looking after each other's needs and wishes as partners. I don't know what your religious inclinations are, but she reneged on her vow of "to have and to hold". 

As you mentioned, you guys don't have kids, and you are both well educated people. If you are not getting your needs met in this relationship, there's no shame in leaving it. She certainly didn't do her part. Granted she does not owe you kids nor sex, and at the same time you certainly don't owe her a relationship and least of all a marriage. I think all those health issues that she has right now, will keep getting worse, since she does not seem to be interested in looking after her health. There's really no reason for you to stick around just to change her bed pan.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It's a bit confusing. Why did she want a hysterectomy when she has no medical reason to have one?. Did she want children or not?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Asterix said:


> I'm sorry for how you feel about your life, truly. You had ideas and aspirations about how your life would go and she implicitly derailed the train or rather directed the train where she wanted it to go, while denying you of what your wishes were.
> 
> I feel that life and marriage is about looking after each other's needs and wishes as partners. I don't know what your religious inclinations are, but she reneged on her vow of "to have and to hold".
> 
> As you mentioned, you guys don't have kids, and you are both well educated people. If you are not getting your needs met in this relationship, there's no shame in leaving it. She certainly didn't do her part. Granted she does not owe you kids nor sex, and at the same time you certainly don't owe her a relationship and least of all a marriage. I think all those health issues that she has right now, will keep getting worse, since she does not seem to be interested in looking after her health. There's really no reason for you to stick around just to change her bed pan.


Where did he says she has lots of health issues?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So you have been married for 47 years, you are both in your mid 60's. What is it you want to do? End the marriage? Stay in the marriage? Just vent?


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## Asterix (May 16, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Where did he says she has lots of health issues?



I tried replying to you in a personal message, because I didn't want to derail the thread. But for some reason, it didn't let me.

You were wondering what made me assume that she has or she'll have health issues. 

Here's what @RickBerg wrote:
-------
Then in 1995 she went to another Dr. # 9 asking for a hysterectomy. Bastard signed her up for it, and a week later she had what she wanted. I let her talk me into it. Recently I was cleaning out papers and found her file on the hysterectomy. It stated normal reproductive system, overweight, and elective surgery. Dr. Message also sated he told pacient to lose weight and everything would happen. 
after hysterectomy my wife chose NO hormonal treatment that was also in Dr papers. Our sex like died. Sex was few and very far between. She always was the aggressor but afterwards it seemed I had to beg. At one point about 4 years ago She said I was too big for her to take anymore 
-------

I'm assuming that they are about 65 years old based on when he graduated high school. Her doctors repeatedly told her to lose weight and "everything would happen" (whatever everything may mean). She also chose not to do HRT after her hysterectomy. 

More often than not, a lot of extra weight is associated with comorbidities of high blood pressure, diabetics, heart conditions and joint troubles (among other issues). With the level of care his wife has towards her health, I wouldn't be surprised if she has some if not all of these issues. 

Even in the unlikely scenario where she's fit as a fiddle, there's really no reason for RickBerg to stick around in this marriage. She went our of her way to ignore his wishes. The marriage didn't serve his needs so far and I don't expect things to change all of a sudden. If that's the case, then why stick around? What is it that he's getting out of this. Hence the reference to the bed pan because of all of the above.

I Hope this makes sense. I apologize if it was cryptic.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Asterix said:


> I tried replying to you in a personal message, because I didn't want to derail the thread. But for some reason, it didn't let me.
> 
> You were wondering what made me assume that she has or she'll have health issues.
> 
> ...


Yes it makes sense. Maybe OP can fill us in on this. 
I was assuming the doctors meant that if she lost some weight she would get pregnant. They seemed to be no medical reason to have a hysterectomy as far as OP said.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

RickBurg said:


> My wife and I were married right after High School in 76. I worked a full time job so she could go to school and then our plan was for me to go to school afterwards. I spent 6 years of night school and finished. We worked and and then after 15 years of marriage we were ready for a family. After many dr visits and all the Drs telling my wife “1st loose weight” which she never did. Then in 1995 she went to another Dr. # 9 asking for a hysterectomy. Bastard signed her up for it, and a week later she had what she wanted. I let her talk me into it. Recently I was cleaning out papers and found her file on the hysterectomy. It stated normal reproductive system, overweight, and elective surgery. Dr. Message also sated he told pacient to lose weight and everything would happen.
> after hysterectomy my wife chose NO hormonal treatment that was also in Dr papers. Our sex like died. Sex was few and very far between. She always was the aggressor but afterwards it seemed I had to beg. At one point about 4 years ago She said I was too big for her to take anymore
> Im crushed! And don’t know what or how to deal with this! She cheated me out of a family and she’s cheated me out of a sex life


That is quite a sad story. Having been married over 50 years. Having found myself in a sex starved marriage over a decade ago, I think I can understand just a fraction of what you are going through.

My suggestions for you are that complaining and being unhappy are not going to improve your life.

My advice to you is to sit yourself down in front of a mirror and have a focused conversation with yourself. In particular. acknowledge that you are partially a source of some of the things that bother you. Yes, admit your role in the things she talked you into. Admit your role in not having better communication with your wife about your sexual needs. Admit that you let things slide and your love drift away because you didn't speak up and fight to save your marriage much earlier in it. If you can do all those things, then congratulations, sit down with your wife and apologize to her for your part in the slow death of the love within your marriage. Yes, apologize to her, tell her what you specifically did and ask her forgiveness.. 

Once you have accepted your role and apologized to her, then work on forgiving yourself for what you did. After that work on fixing yourself and treating your wife better. I found Chapman's 5 Languages of Love provided me with insights into making my wife feel loved and cherished.

After about a year of working on fixing myself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, my wife (and her girl friends) much more attractive. Shortly after that, I told her that I was going to start some marriage counseling sessions with a board certified sex therapist, and I wanted her to join me, not because she was broken and needing fixing, but so that I could better understand myself and my needs and see if we couldn't negotiate a better relationship.

We are still married and we have sex a couple times a week. 

There are alternatives to being unhappy. It requires work on your part. It requires forgiveness and commitment by both of you to rebuild your marriage. Even if you can't rebuild your marriage, it will allow you to heal and should you divorce and date again, you will not be damaged goods that creates problems for the next woman in your life.

Good luck.


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## RickBurg (9 mo ago)

Thank you for your insight.


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## RickBurg (9 mo ago)

Blondilocks said:


> [/QUOTE.
> My ice told me Dr remarks were “ no hope” and after 17-18 years of marriage and no slip ups that may be he was right. We could not be able to conceive.
> But finding records just a few weeks ago stating otherwise has me in tears
> So far I’ve not confronted my wife. Some years ago we also stoped sleeping I the same room ( I snore too much) as she says.


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## RickBurg (9 mo ago)

jsmart said:


> That is messed up but why have you waited this long to be upset about it? If you graduated in 76, that means you’re about 64 years old. Unfortunately it’s too late to have a kid now but it’s not to late to meet a woman who wants to have a living and sexually satisfying relationship.
> 
> You should implement an exit plan to divorce. Get your finances in order. Get your health and appearance on point, get with a lawyer to get the wheels moving. You already wasted decades with this woman. Don’t waste another decade in a sexless marriage.


Yes 64 and yes too lat to have children but I only found these files this month. 
I’ve not had time to think what I should do!


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Ok that explains the part about being lied to about the hysterectomy but what about enduring a sexless marriage for so many years? She cheated you out of having a family, don’t let her continue to steal a sex life. You have a very reasonable reason to end this sham of a marriage. Stop leaving your life on hold. Enough years have been wasted. 

At 64, if you’ve got your stuff together, you will do very well on the dating market. Get busy putting plans into actions.


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## RickBurg (9 mo ago)

jsmart said:


> Ok that explains the part about being lied to about the hysterectomy but what about enduring a sexless marriage for so many years? She cheated you out of having a family, don’t let her continue to steal a sex life. You have a very reasonable reason to end this sham of a marriage. Stop leaving your life on hold. Enough years have been wasted.
> 
> At 64, if you’ve got your stuff together, you will do very well on the dating market. Get busy putting plans into actions.


It’s “tuff” and I don’t have my stuff together! In fact I don’t know where to start. My heart is broken and don’t know how to confront her


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

What


RickBurg said:


> It’s “tuff” and I don’t have my stuff together! In fact I don’t know where to start. My heart is broken and don’t know how to confront her


What did she tell you exactly about not getting pregnant and why she got a hysterectomy?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

RickBurg said:


> She cheated me out of a family and she’s cheated me out of a sex life


Unfortunately though, you allowed it. That is probably the most difficult thing you're struggling with. When we know we deserve better, yet remain in toxic relationships, it's really hard to forgive ourselves. It sounds like your wife controlled the marriage pretty much, and you have to decide if she's capable of changing that behavior or if you need to leave. I think you should get some legal advice at the very least, just start preparing yourself for if you choose to divorce. 

Take care of yourself in the meantime.


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## RickBurg (9 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> Unfortunately though, you allowed it. That is probably the most difficult thing you're struggling with. When we know we deserve better, yet remain in toxic relationships, it's really hard to forgive ourselves. It sounds like your wife controlled the marriage pretty much, and you have to decide if she's capable of changing that behavior or if you need to leave. I think you should get some legal advice at the very least, just start preparing yourself for if you choose to divorce.
> 
> Take care of yourself in the meantime.


You are SO right, I allowed it. I love her and I allowed her to lead. I cuss myself, and I cuss her. I came from a very large family, and soon after we were married my brother and my dad confronte me about how I’d change. They both told me to leave, they would support and have my back. I chose her because I loved her. 
but now after finding the papers and seeing it in black and white I know now. I was used !


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

What you need is to work on things to build your confidence back up. Start exercising to improve your health and also improve your appearance. Also work on your overall appearance ( hair, beard, hygiene, clothing, etc). Liking what you see in the mirror will help put that bounce back in your step. No woman wants to be with a frumpy, out of shape guy. 

This will take a few months. While you’re renewing yourself on the outside. Also work on the mind. Read some good books, Spend less time watching TV and more time on a hobby that will get you interacting with others. Also work on getting your finances in order and talk to a lawyer to know exactly what divorce will entail. 

A few months into your evolution, your wife will notice the changes. She will either up her game to fight for you or try to ridicule you to break your confidence. By that time you will be a different man who will know his value and be unwilling to remain in such a marriage.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RickBurg said:


> You are SO right, I allowed it. I love her and I allowed her to lead. I cuss myself, and I cuss her. I came from a very large family, and soon after we were married my brother and my dad confronte me about how I’d change. They both told me to leave, they would support and have my back. I chose her because I loved her.
> but now after finding the papers and seeing it in black and white I know now. I was used !


What was it in the medical reports that hurt you? What did she tell you at the time? Why did she have the hysterectomy?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

RickBurg said:


> My wife and I were married right after High School in 76. I worked a full time job so she could go to school and then our plan was for me to go to school afterwards. I spent 6 years of night school and finished. We worked and and then after 15 years of marriage we were ready for a family. After many dr visits and all the Drs telling my wife “1st loose weight” which she never did. Then in 1995 she went to another Dr. # 9 asking for a hysterectomy. Bastard signed her up for it, and a week later she had what she wanted. I let her talk me into it. Recently I was cleaning out papers and found her file on the hysterectomy. It stated normal reproductive system, overweight, and elective surgery. Dr. Message also sated he told pacient to lose weight and everything would happen.
> after hysterectomy my wife chose NO hormonal treatment that was also in Dr papers. Our sex like died. Sex was few and very far between. She always was the aggressor but afterwards it seemed I had to beg. At one point about 4 years ago She said I was too big for her to take anymore
> Im crushed! And don’t know what or how to deal with this! She cheated me out of a family and she’s cheated me out of a sex life


Divorce her dude it's not that hard. She treated you terribly, SHE IS NOT THE ONLY WOMEN IN THE WORLD.

It's a fact of life that you will get bullied until you stand up for yourself.


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## RickBurg (9 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> What was it in the medical reports that hurt you? What did she tell you at the time? Why did she have the hysterectomy?


Elective radical Hysterectomy. Dr.’s quotes: overweight 34 year old,5’8” 298lbs. fully fictional reproductive organs. Hormonal imbalance refuse’s Hormones treatment . Regular menses. No known cancers in family background. Request surgery after many years of infertility.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

RickBurg said:


> You are SO right, *I allowed it.* I love her and I allowed her to lead. I cuss myself, and I cuss her. I came from a very large family, and soon after we were married *my brother and my dad confronte me about how I’d change.* They both told me to leave, they would support and have my back.* I chose her* because I loved her.
> but now after finding the papers and seeing it in black and white I know now. I was used !


I think you need to read, reread and study two books beyond Chapman's 5 Love Languages. Maybe even reread my earlier post.

The first book is M.W. Davis, the Sex Starved Marriage. A few of the major concepts in that book are "the 180" which is your making changes in the marriage dynamic. You may not be able to force her to give you the love (respect and sex) you want and need, but you can change the way she treats you by doing a 180. The change in the way she treats you may be for the better or for the worse, it will be up to her. If it is an improvement you may give positive feedback and go through a process of trial and error to improve your relationship. Think of B.F. Skinner human conditioning or Pavlov's dog. 

Another of M.W. Davis concepts is "Get a Life." You really sound like you need to back off and get a life or GIL. Sexually needy men turn most women off. Another of M. W. Davis' concepts you need to learn is "Just Do It." You need to stop waiting for your wife to do things and start taking action to improve your life. 

The second book you also need to read, reread, and study is a companion book by Glover, called No More Mr. Nice Guy. Loosing your Nice Guy status is not becoming a jerk, it is becoming a confident integrated man, the kind of man that women admire and can love. The kind they are proud to be with and show off to their family and girl friends. 

Nice Guys are codependent and seek personal validation from their wives. They have been raised by strong women (grandmothers, mothers, or school teachers) to believe that happiness is based on pleasing the women in their life over challenging themself in activities that they as men value and make them feel proud. Glover also urges NG's to Get a Life. Furthermore, he defines the concept of a "covert contract" and why Nice Guy's engage in this destructive practice that builds resentment and frustration in marriage. 

In short you need to change yourself. You need to take charge of your own personal happiness. You need to come up with a plan and start implementing it. In my case, I decided to change myself for the better. I told myself that I was damaged goods and if I divorced my wife, without first changing, I would likely find myself in another failed relationship. I made myself a promise to a certain transition period. I didn't tell my wife what I was doing. Instead, I worked on becoming a better man who better understood both the dynamics between a man and a woman and the dynamic between himself. I used my marriage to experiment and learn the lessons in both books. I identified what I did wrong in my marriage. I apologized to my wife, for what I had done wrong and asked her forgiveness. I worked on myself and my character and integration. I forgave myself. Then I struggled to forgive my wife and make her feel loved and cherished. My perspective was that by a certain date (that transition period) I was going to be in a loving sexual relationship with a woman..........it could be my wife, or if she was not capable of that, I would divorce her and find someone else. In the spirit of "just do it" I made a commitment to change myself.

I was lucky. After a lot of hard work on the part of myself and my wife and with the help of a great Sex Therapist and a couple of marriage counselors we fixed our marriage. 

Good luck.


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## RickBurg (9 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> It's a bit confusing. Why did she want a hysterectomy when she has no medical reason to have one?. Did she want children or not?


I just don’t know why she did not want children. She won’t talk always says she was barren and no amount of Dr.s can make it happen. 
I want to say her job was more important that a family. She has a brother and a sister. He sister has no children, her brother has 2. 
her side of the family were all working class and all have had many jobs but never stuck to anything long enough to amount to anything
My wife got her BS and Masters in communications and has a wonderful job with the government. She makes mor money than I. She can afford to live on her own.
I received my education and as soon as I got out of school I worked for a company and spent 6 years then transferred after getting my degree in computer science. After 34 years and 6 months the company sold out and I retired. With stocks and bonds in the company, money is no problem.


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## RickBurg (9 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> I think you need to read, reread and study two books beyond Chapman's 5 Love Languages. Maybe even reread my earlier post.
> 
> The first book is M.W. Davis, the Sex Starved Marriage. A few of the major concepts in that book are "the 180" which is your making changes in the marriage dynamic. You may not be able to force her to give you the love (respect and sex) you want and need, but you can change the way she treats you by doing a 180. The change in the way she treats you may be for the better or for the worse, it will be up to her. If it is an improvement you may give positive feedback and go through a process of trial and error to improve your relationship. Think of B.F. Skinner human conditioning or Pavlov's dog.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the info and the books. I’ll check to see if local library or book store has or can order.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RickBurg said:


> Elective radical Hysterectomy. Dr.’s quotes: overweight 34 year old,5’8” 298lbs. fully fictional reproductive organs. Hormonal imbalance refuse’s Hormones treatment . Regular menses. No known cancers in family background. Request surgery after many years of infertility.


So basically she had no reason to have the op. What did tell you the reason was?
Is she still so overweight?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

RickBurg said:


> Elective radical Hysterectomy. Dr.’s quotes: overweight 34 year old,5’8” 298lbs. fully fictional reproductive organs. Hormonal imbalance refuse’s Hormones treatment . Regular menses. No known cancers in family background. Request surgery after many years of infertility.


300 pounds is super unhealthy. Is she still that overweight? That would explain her lack of sex drive. Have you encouraged, without her to go on any weight loss journey with you. It would have to be something done jointly and in love.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jsmart said:


> 300 pounds is super unhealthy. Is she still that overweight? That would explain her lack of sex drive. Have you encouraged, without her to go on any weight loss journey with you. It would have to be something done jointly and in love.


To be honest if she doesnt loose some of that weight and she is in her mid 60's she may not get to be old anyway sadly.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

RickBurg said:


> You are SO right, I allowed it. I love her and I allowed her to lead. I cuss myself, and I cuss her. I came from a very large family, and soon after we were married my brother and my dad confronte me about how I’d change. They both told me to leave, they would support and have my back. I chose her because I loved her.
> but now after finding the papers and seeing it in black and white I know now. I was used !


If you read a few stories on here, the ones where people are divorcing after many years of being together, the reasons vary but they all seem to have stayed because they were in a fog and something suddenly snapped them out of it. Sounds like what is happening with you.

If your wife isn’t willing to be a loving partner to you, then you probably have to decide if staying is worth it. Many people stay married out of laziness or complacency - it’s not easy to go through a divorce so they stay in a miserable marriage. You have lots to think about, I guess.

But whatever you decide, seek legal advice so you’re more prepared and maybe get some counseling for yourself to help you unpack some of these feelings.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

so you spent your adult life with a 300lb obese woman that went so far as to have an unnecessary surgery to avoid sex and having children with you (I am assuming she knew you wanted children) 

This is a self esteem and spinal problem on your end. 

If she is that gainfully employed and money is not really an issue on your end either, I say go do whatever you want.... literally. If you want to do something - go do it. It doesn't matter what she says or what she thinks about it or really even what any of us think about it. 

As long as it involves consenting adults, doesn't hurt any puppies or land you in the slammer, go for it!! 

You still have lots of life and lots of living left IF YOU GET OUT AND LIVE IT, 

Heck if she makes more than you, you may even be able to get some spousal support out of her if you divorce her. 

You could use that money for 21 year old slender porn stars that moonlight at those legal brothels in Nevada. You could get a sugar baby(s) . Or depending on how fit you are, you could legitimately date 40-50somethings. 

Or you could travel, take up golf, buy an AR-15 and disintegrate cantalopes at 200 yds or call up some buddies and go whitewater rafting in the Rockies. 

Point being is now that you know the truth about her, SHE NO LONGER MATTERS. You can do whatever you want!

Seek the truth and the truth shall set you free. 

You are now set free. Do whatever you want as long as it is legal, consenting and doesn't hurt puppies or kittens.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> so you spent your adult life with a 300lb obese woman that went so far as to have an unnecessary surgery to avoid sex and having children with you (I am assuming she knew you wanted children)
> 
> This is a self esteem and spinal problem on your end.
> 
> ...


It would be far better if he ended the marriage first rather than became a serial cheat. 
Oh and it seems they had been trying for a baby for years and years before the op.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> It would be far better if he ended the marriage first rather than became a serial cheat.
> Oh and it seems they had been trying for a baby for years and years before the op.


His choice. 

End the marriage first or don't end the marriage first ,,, or don't legally end the marriage at all. I don't care. He shouldn't care either. My point is it doesn't matter and he can do whatever he wants. 

He's 64, no kids, retired with good income, she has her own income, he owes no one a thing. He can do whatever he wants. 

She did what she wanted and didn't do what she didn't for 46 years. Now he's a free man and can do whatever he wants.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> His choice.
> 
> End the marriage first or don't end the marriage first ,,, or don't legally end the marriage at all. I don't care. He shouldn't care either. My point is it doesn't matter and he can do whatever he wants.
> 
> ...


He isn't free till he divorces. Some people don't act that way, they do things properly.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

RickBurg said:


> My wife and I were married right after High School in 76. I worked a full time job so she could go to school and then our plan was for me to go to school afterwards. I spent 6 years of night school and finished. We worked and and then after 15 years of marriage we were ready for a family. After many dr visits and all the Drs telling my wife “1st loose weight” which she never did. Then in 1995 she went to another Dr. # 9 asking for a hysterectomy. Bastard signed her up for it, and a week later she had what she wanted. I let her talk me into it. Recently I was cleaning out papers and found her file on the hysterectomy. It stated normal reproductive system, overweight, and elective surgery. Dr. Message also sated he told pacient to lose weight and everything would happen.
> after hysterectomy my wife chose NO hormonal treatment that was also in Dr papers. Our sex like died. Sex was few and very far between. She always was the aggressor but afterwards it seemed I had to beg. At one point about 4 years ago She said I was too big for her to take anymore
> Im crushed! And don’t know what or how to deal with this! She cheated me out of a family and she’s cheated me out of a sex life


You don't mention. Did you ever get your fertility checked in all those years?


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## RickBurg (9 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> So basically she had no reason to have the op. What did tell you the reason was?
> Is she still so overweight?


Her reply was no matter how many Dr.s she sees they can’t a make it happen. She chose the op. I begged her to please loose the weight.
I’ve come to the conclusion: 1 she disinterested care. 2 I was not respected enough. Or 3 she knew I loved here and knew me well enough that I’d never leave.
After seeing it on Black and White my feelings are disgust, anger, and slowly turning to hate. 
I’ve still not confronted her about the Dr. Report but some how I think she know I found them.


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## RickBurg (9 mo ago)

DownButNotOut said:


> You don't mention. Did you ever get your fertility checked in all those years?


My fertility was checked 2 times. Each time the spermicide count came back “as normal”.


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## RickBurg (9 mo ago)

RickBurg said:


> My fertility was checked 2 times. Each time the spermicide count came back “as normal”.


sperm count “normal”


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RickBurg said:


> Her reply was no matter how many Dr.s she sees they can’t a make it happen. She chose the op. I begged her to please loose the weight.
> I’ve come to the conclusion: 1 she disinterested care. 2 I was not respected enough. Or 3 she knew I loved here and knew me well enough that I’d never leave.
> After seeing it on Black and White my feelings are disgust, anger, and slowly turning to hate.
> I’ve still not confronted her about the Dr. Report but some how I think she know I found them.


Being very overweight can stop pregnancies. I guess it's nature's way of stopping a very high risk pregnancy and labour. 
I still don't get why she took the drastic step of having a major op for no reason though. It's a major op and very risky for someone so large. I am very surprised that any surgeon would do it. 

You must talk to her.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Did your wife have PCOS? I have it, and losing weight is really difficult. And technically my reproductive organs are healthy, but I know when I turned 40 after years of trying to get pregnant, I just wanted to get off the roller coaster. I wanted to just make peace with the fact that I wasn't going to have children. Sure I might have gotten pregnant at 40, but it wasn't likely and I was tired of hoping with no results. I asked for a hysterectomy. My Dr.s didn't do that, but they did put me on BCP to balance my hormones out. I still couldn't get pregnant, but at least I had normal hormones. 

Unfortunately, obesity and HRT increase the risk of blood clots, so that might be why she didn't take HRT. 

Anyway, you are reading a lot into a Dr's note and assuming the worse. But I can tell you Drs don't put the long conversations down that they have with their patients. Medical records don't give you context. They are really written for billing and to keep them from getting sued. You need to talk to your wife and ask her why she made those decisions.


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