# is it time to come home?



## stillunsure (Dec 27, 2008)

my husband is out of the country. he left the week before thanksgiving. the plans was for him to go work for 3 or 4 weeks and make some extra money to take care of some repairs that we have around the house. well 3 weeks has turned into 3 months because he wont be back until the middle of february. i recently found out that he hasn't saved any money, mainly because he hasnt' been able to find work there for more than a couple of weeks. meanwhile, bills are due and i need money for the bills that he usually pays. he was sending some money at first ,but now when i ask him for money , he can't tell me when he will be able to send some. i recently got a second job because i feel that i need it, just to make ends meet. i feel that he is afraid to come home without any money, so he continues to stay there until he finally makes some money. in the meantime. im here alone. i need him here not only financially, but emotionally. i've told him that. but he still remains there. saying that hes doing this for us. what do i do? any suggestions?


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## april16 (Jan 6, 2009)

Why did he have to go out of the country to work? Is there no work here for him? I find it really odd that 3 weeks has turned into 3 months. Are you sure he only left for work?


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## stillunsure (Dec 27, 2008)

well he told me that he would be able to make a lot of money pretty fast there. (he's from one of the 5th highest paying countires.) he had a job here but it dosnt pay very well. andthe reason why 3 weeks has turned into 3 months is because he didn't get the job that he thoght he was going to get and he wasnt working on a regular basis. so it was not steady pay and lower pay than he expected. (at least thats what he tells me) so he is staying longer in order to make the money he expected. my whole thnig is he isnt doing much better (if not worse) than he was when he was here. so when is it time to say ok, this isnt working. and just come home? but that opens up a new delimma, when he comes back home, he wont have a job because he didnt tell them he would be gone so long. so then he will have to job hunt. with the way the economy is looking, finding another job could take a while. then everything will be left up to me until......im stressed..any suggestions?


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Just my Opinion, but the time to come home was about 1 week after he didn't get the high paying job he thought he would. I don't know if it's simply a pride thing, or if something else is going on... He may be a proud man, but pride isn't going to pay the bills. 

The fact that he was away long enough to lose his job here was not very smart.... actually, it was down right ignorant. He should cut bait and come home.

And, on the flip side.... my wife wouldn't have let me stay out of the country that long if I wasn't making any money... well, at least if I wanted to stay married to her... I would've been coming home with the quickness. I could maybe see if he was making money hand over fist and the work was so good, he wanted to stay a little longer... that would kind of make sense. But this doesn't.

IMHO, you need to tell him that it's time to $h!t or get off the pot.


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## stillunsure (Dec 27, 2008)

he's back now. sneaked in in the middle of the night one night last week. he nearly scared me to death. he still has no money. and now no job now because he was gone so long, they assumed he quit. omg. what do i do now?


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

Look at the blessings that you have....First and foremost. Will you eat today and tomorrow. If so, you are very blessed.
Look at what expenses you can cut....if you have to move, sell stuff, downsize, etc - do it.
How can you leverage friends and family to reduce costs?
Your marriage, and love is so much more important than money.
I know the stress makes it hard - but remember finances are needed for love.


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## DanielPete (Jan 25, 2009)

stillunsure said:


> he's back now. sneaked in in the middle of the night one night last week. he nearly scared me to death. he still has no money. and now no job now because he was gone so long, they assumed he quit. omg. what do i do now?


Hi,

You got what you asked for .... at least half of it ..right  .. You wanted him with you . He is here with you .. Now that he is here you can sit down and relax and plan your Finances .... talk it out , discuss it with him .. Find a new Job for him and as you mentioned in the mean time you were doing a part time stuff .... I am sure you two would be fine .. Good luck :smthumbup:

Peace


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## stillunsure (Dec 27, 2008)

yes he is back, and yes i did want him to come back. i didnt pressure him about finding a job .i was just pateint and supportive until he did find one. he did find a job but quit when he didnt like the hours or expected pay, before he even got the first paycheck. now he wants to go back to bermuda. he says this time its a sure thing (a job set up with his brother in law). i dont know what to think anymore. not sure he he really wants to be with me. i think he misses his freedom of being a single man back in his own country, with very few responsibilities.plus hes been flirting with other women, but pretending like everything is alright when he's with me. i just dont know where his head is at.


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