# Staying because it is convenient?



## Ideservedbetter (Oct 2, 2015)

I know I thought about staying because it is convenient and I don't want change especially in my children's lives but I know for a fact I will never be happy or able to accept his infidelity so I filed.

I found this response from another forum and this resonate to me and I think I will be like this if I decided to stay, bitterness will kill me. I know for me, no matter what we do to either reconcile or Divorce, this betrayal, this pain will always be part of my marriage and my life. It is a deal breaker. :crying:



> I never got over my husband cheating. It has been 12 years. I used to completely believe in all of the fairy tales we all grow up believing: that there is such a thing as soul mates and true love, etc... The affair took all of that away from me, which means it never really existed in the first place. I don't believe there is any such thing as "trust", even in marriages where no one ever cheats. We're all completely alone in the world. There is no cure for life. I stayed because it was more convenient than leaving. I find happiness in other ways. I don't really love him anymore, but I love my kids. Somehow, that is real.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

you have to do what feels right for you. staying together for the sake of children when there is no love and perhaps animosity between the parents usually is as hurtful, if not more so, to the children than staying together. stay true to yourself and do all you can for the children to ease them in the transition.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

"this pain will always be part of my marriage"

But not "and my life."

You will heal and be stronger than ever before once you leave and WORK on you, but again, its a lot of WORK! DUDE


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## tpdallas (Aug 28, 2015)

After a relationship we never think it will be okay. 

It will and after a while you will wonder what you saw in them.

All the best,


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Do something for yourself that you like to do.

Exercise helps me, but maybe you like to shop.

I hope someday your pain is less, but you will never forget.

Take good care of your kids. That is one part of my life that I enjoy now are the grandkids.

Hope your H wakes up to the pain he has caused, and does something to try to help you.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> I don't believe there is any such thing as "trust",


This is the way I feel with all of my relationships..... work, family, marriage..... I'll never be blindsided again.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Ideservedbetter said:


> I know I thought about staying because it is convenient and I don't want change especially in my children's lives *but I know for a fact I will never be happy or able to accept his infidelity so I filed*.
> 
> I found this response from another forum and this resonate to me and I think I will be like this if I decided to stay, bitterness will kill me. I know for me, no matter what we do to either reconcile or Divorce, this betrayal, this pain will always be part of my marriage and my life. It is a deal breaker. :crying:


If you are certain, then divorce is the answer. However, that might not be the right answer for everyone.

Here is one interesting perspective on why happy couples cheating. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q

My perspective is that generally it takes two to make or destroy a marriage. Sometimes one person can be the victim, but most of the time, there are some contributions to marital discomfort that eventually fester and lead to an infidelity.

Good luck on your new life without your spouse.


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## luculentfrag (Oct 13, 2015)

I hope someday your pain is less, but you will never forget.


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Hi, I know the place you are at. I want to tell you that I stayed in my marriage for as long as I could. I did it for the children because I wanted them to have their father for as long as possible. Once again my husband cheated and I just about had a nervous breakdown. Most people think staying together for the children is the best way, but is it? How will they feel in the midst of the tension and resentment? It can't be hidden and children feel things. Believe that you can start over. Study something that interests you when the dust settles to keep your mind busy. I will admit that my prayer for my children is that they will never be scarred because they have two households. Be the best mother you can be .


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You have every right to do so because your H's infidelity laid waste to any and all of your or your families marital expectations!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Imagine your kids see your misery the entire time they grow up. 
Now imagine how they feel when, as adults, they learn that you stayed in a horrible, loveless marriage "for them" Don't put that on them. Help them learn how to have the strength to live an authentic life.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

You shouldn't stay for convenience, you should stay because it's the right thing to do. You don't have to follow one mistake with another. Do you really want to go thru with a D unless you are absolutely sure that he will not repent and change?

Is the AP married? Have you informed the OWH, family, friends, social media? Let these groups apply pressure on him to choose a final course of action, after he realizes how much grief he will have to endure to keep the A going. He can't change until he is out of the fog. And as long as the A continues, he is buried in the fog.

Filing is a good "wake-up" call for cake eaters, but think long and hard about D and its lifelong implications for both youself and the kids.


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