# I feel like giving up



## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

My SO and I have always been very open with each other and our sex was really great up until I got pregnant (had the baby 3 months ago). Near the end we were still having sex but for the past year things have been shifting from sex to bj's. I enjoy giving him bj's and he has always said it is the best he's ever had. When things started shifting away from sex to oral I asked him why. I was afraid it was because he was becoming unattracted to me. He swore that wasn't it, that he just REALLY likes them. That he usually intends to finish with sex but he gets caught up in it and ends up finishing before. 

I let it go because I was getting bigger and it was easier but now that the baby is out the trend hasn't turned back around. I brought it up again and now he is saying that it is because he still REALLY enjoys them and that I can't get pregnant this way. The pregnancy was unexpected and not the best timing for us. Another baby right now would be unthinkable. I'm on BC but even with that he insists on using condoms every time.

The past weekend I went out shopping and when I came home, I knew he had masturbated while I was gone, he pulled up this porn site because he wanted to show me something stupid, he couldn't find it but just looking at the still images got him aroused enough that he wanted a bj. Still no sex for me. That night was a friends bday and everyone was going out. His brother was watching all of the kids and offered to watch the baby. I was excited because we haven't been out together in a long time. I straightened my hair, spent a lot of time getting ready and after I was done he said he decided we weren't going to go, we would go hang out with his brother and help him watch everyone else's kids. We got home at 3am and he fell asleep before I even got in bed  The next day he brought up how funny it was that he didn't remember me getting in bed to which I told him I hadn't found it funny at all and I was on the verge of bursting into tears.

I don't know why we aren't having sex like we used to. We have vaginal sex maybe every week or other week. The rest of it is bj's. I used to like doing it but now it just makes me feel unnattractive. I can't for the life of me figure out why he is choosing them over sex. Isn't sex better then bj's?

He has said that he wants me to initiate more often but I don't because I feel like I'm initiating sex when I know he doesn't want that. He just wants a bj which if I'm initiating I don't want to do. So I just don't initiate. He's always told me how hot I look when I straighten my hair. I have really long curly hair and it takes me over an hour to do it so I don't do it often. But I just did and it got no response from him  I've been dieting and working out every morning. I'm 10lbs away from being the weight I was when we first met so I can't really see it as the baby weight putting him off. 

I just don't know what the problem is and I feel like not doing anything anymore. I feel like trying to look nice is a waste, so why get dressed up when he doesn't respond, why workout any more and why should I ever initiate. I feel really unwanted and I don't know what to do. I can't talk to him about it anymore because it's always the same responses


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## allworx (Dec 7, 2012)

I'm sorry you are going through this. My friend had the same thing happen, her husband was freaked out by the fact that their son had came out of there. He saw her differently. After some talking and counselling he got over it and the now have 3 more kids... he never had that problem again! 
Could that be it?


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

allworx said:


> I'm sorry you are going through this. My friend had the same thing happen, her husband was freaked out by the fact that their son had came out of there. He saw her differently. After some talking and counselling he got over it and the now have 3 more kids... he never had that problem again!
> Could that be it?


No I had a c-section. He did watch the process but he is not a squimish person, he thought it was cool. He also has a son from a previous relationship that he did watch being birthed vaginally and never had problems with that.


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## allworx (Dec 7, 2012)

I'm not sure then. :scratchhead: Hopefully someone has some better advice for you.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

allworx said:


> I'm sorry you are going through this. My friend had the same thing happen, her husband was freaked out by the fact that their son had came out of there. He saw her differently. After some talking and counselling he got over it and the now have 3 more kids... he never had that problem again!
> Could that be it?


OUCH.......I remember after the birth of our son, she had stitches and I laid her on a soft absorbant pad, and then slowly trickled warm water over her poor painful vagina....I was so sorry for her discomfort, I would have done anything to help...She still talks about how turned on it made her....

We had sex all through her pregnancy...Sex (really good sex) at 10:00 PM, water broke at 2:00 AM....

To the OP, I think you should develop a case of situational tetanus....the situation being when you get PIV sex the lock jaw go's away.......


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

He's just being selfish. Kind of shows in the fact that the two of you never have nights out (I have five kids, you find ways to get nights out) and that when you finally did have a chance to go out, he TELLS you that you two are going to help his brother. No discussion, TELLS you.

He's being selfish. BJ's are awesome, I agree, and a big reason theya re awesome is they are all about you. You lay back and just get pleasured, you don't have to do anything but enjoy it. So once in a while, a BJ is a great thing, but it should be complimentory to your sex life (at least a BJ to completion anyways), not the main focus. 

If he had been into BJ's for a month or two, I'd agree with him and just assume he was enjoying the moment. From the sounds of this though it's been going on for almost a year where BJ's are the main focal point of your sex lives. That's a one sided thing.

Does he give you oral? If so, is it as often? If not, tell him that he doesn't get anything unless you start to get something as well, and that no matter what, regular sex (PiV sex) will always be the main form of sex in the relationship.

Don't allow someone to be a selfish lover. Nip it now.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Sounds to me like he is just afraid of getting you pregnant again and doesn't like condoms. Only problem is he completely forgot about you and your needs. Yes he is being selfish and you should put your foot down. Just tell him no more bj's until he starts f*cking you again. You aren't asking for something unreasonable.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

I've tried telling him that we aren't doing them and that piv needs to be the bulk of our sex life but he just laughs and doesn't take me seriously. The problem there is that the dynamic of our sexual relationship is that he is agressive and I'm submissive. I get aroused with him being forceful so when I tell him that I don't want to give him a bj he smiles like I'm not being serious. Like I'm baiting him into pushing me into it and I always give in. I've tried so many times to say it in a serious conversation but he just doesn't take me seriously and he knows how to push my buttons sexually to get me to do it. I would say that I need to have more willpower and be able to say no to him but I don't know how to get him to understand my NO is a real no. 

As for going out, no we haven't gone out but there is a lot of reasons. I'm not a big drinker. I think I've been drunk maybe 5 times in my entire life. I felt like going out the other night but it is my fault because I told him we would do whatever he wanted when in reality I really did want to go. If I would have told him I wanted to go we would have went. I guess I put too much into what he wants and not enough into what I want.

I'm also really HD so for me I would rather do that then no sex at all, which is why I just give in, because I want something/anything at that point.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Soifon said:


> I've tried telling him that we aren't doing them and that piv needs to be the bulk of our sex life but he just laughs and doesn't take me seriously. The problem there is that the dynamic of our sexual relationship is that he is agressive and I'm submissive. I get aroused with him being forceful so when I tell him that I don't want to give him a bj he smiles like I'm not being serious. Like I'm baiting him into pushing me into it and I always give in. I've tried so many times to say it in a serious conversation but he just doesn't take me seriously and he knows how to push my buttons sexually to get me to do it. I would say that I need to have more willpower and be able to say no to him but I don't know how to get him to understand my NO is a real no.


Unless your jaw has a push button to open it and there's another to make your tongue swirl, then I don't see how you can't turn him down. He will never take you seriously if you say 'no' and he laughs at you and then gets his way. 

Start giving bad BJ's if you have to. Scrap some teeth on him a few times, he'll start to not like them as much.



Soifon said:


> As for going out, no we haven't gone out but there is a lot of reasons. I'm not a big drinker. I think I've been drunk maybe 5 times in my entire life.


You don't have to get drunk to enjoy going to a movie, visiting friends, visiting relatives, going to a restuarant, going to a sporting event, going for a drive, or doing many other things. Going out does not have to mean getting **** faced.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Hi,

I am sorry for your situation and I don't really have any good advice other than he sounds like a selfish pr**k to me. I would give my left arm to have an HD wife.. 

All I really wanted to say was that I love your nick and profile pic. Bleach r0x!! :smthumbup:

Good luck to you!


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

frustr8dhubby said:


> Hi,
> 
> I am sorry for your situation and I don't really have any good advice other than he sounds like a selfish pr**k to me. I would give my left arm to have an HD wife..
> 
> ...


 :iagree:


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