# Is husband cheating?



## Shelby (Nov 20, 2008)

I've been married for 23 years. my husband had an afffair 5 years ago and I forgave him and we moved on. I never bring it up because I did forgive him. She was much younger then him too. two months ago, I started suspecting he was doing it again. About a month ago someone text him "Night" I asked who it was and he he didn't know (of course) I called the number from my phone, he then remembered it was a lady from work. the lady turned out to be a 26 year old girl to his 46 year old self. I checked our phone records and its been going on for 2 months, just as I suspected! All of a sudden about 2 weeks ago, theres been no contact via text or on his phone (check our records daily) I also found cash hidden in his wallet (check our bank account daily too!) I suspect he'll be buying her a Christmas present or he's buying minutes for a prepaid phone. He says there "just friends" they are together every day because he's her boss. I guess, I'm just wondering are they just friends? I did meet her and she's a rather large plain redheaded girl. My husband is attractive and I don't think I'm a dog and I guess I just don't get it? What would you think? I've looked everywhere for another cell phone but can't locate it, any suggestions on where to look? Thanks!:scratchhead:


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

prepaid phones are hard to find as people can use false names when signing up over the interent. May try the white pages off of yahoo. But you may want to check you interent history, or try a good keylogger to dig deeper.

draconis


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

Sounds to me like your hubby is one of those guys that cannot resist attention from other girls/women. Maybe they are just friends, but he probably sees it as she's 26 and he's 46. Not a plain redhead. She obviously makes him feel better about himself. It is sad. My wife had an affair and I worked with a girl online for my business. She is 21 and I am 37. I have never met her in person. But, I am adimitting I contacted her more than I should have because she would always say nice things to me. Yep, I used her without her even knowing it or ever seeing her. I used her at my lowest point during my wifes affair. Now, I don't talk to her at all because I realized I was being very childish. I am not saying your hubby is the same way, especially since he is the one who had the affair before.. Just a perspective on why he may be talking to her alot.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

You caught him in a lie, call him on that. If it were just an innocent friendship why would he lie? Because he knows how it looks and that you would not approve. It may very likely be an EA. In addition, since he is her supervisor he is likely endangering his employment even if it is just a friendship. Excessive texting and phone calls not related to work are subject to disciplinary action.


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## Shelby (Nov 20, 2008)

I told him I was going to move out, but he asked what that would solve. He assures me they are only friends but I think its more. He knows that I won't give him another chance. The thing that bothers me most, is that we were happy, so I don't understand where this is coming from. I want to leave, should I? Does anyone truly know how to read deleted texts from a cell phone? Does your provider have the contents of the text? Seeing his actual text will decide what I'm going to do. I could also use reverse psychology on his too.


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

reading his deleted texts will only drive you nuts. You obviously do not trust him. If there is no texts and they are just friends would you beleive him? What I am saying is, don't use that as an excuse. You know in your heart what is right. He should understand your feelings of distrust, being that it has happened before. If it were innocent--he would not lie about it. If it were no big deal he may include you in gatherings with her to reassure you, right? If these things are not going on on his end, you know what's up. I am not telling you to leave. I am just saying don't look for excuses to leave/stay. One excuse leads to the next. Then it just becomes habit. Good luck.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

I say go with your gut and get those text messages.


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## Shelby (Nov 20, 2008)

If there was nothing to hide then why delete them? Why keep their "friendship" a secret? Makes no sense at all, matter of fact, he acts as if nothing at all is wrong, if he only knew...


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

Shelby said:


> If there was nothing to hide then why delete them? Why keep their "friendship" a secret?


that's why living "transparent" make sense.


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## Shelby (Nov 20, 2008)

He is guilty and stupid. I forgot to include the details in that one text which he forgot to delete. "She" lost her voice so he text her (while I was at church for the second time that Sunday watching my 8 year old son be an Altar Boy!! We're Catholic) anyway, the text said, how's your voice...kiss. I woke his happy ass up and asked him to explain this to me and all he could say is I can't!! I know exactly what that means!!

When Obama won the election she called his cell phone at 11:30 pm that night and I answered it, I asked what the h*** she wanted she said she wanted to make sure "he knew" Obama won. I assured her he did and then proceeded to cuss her out and advised of all that I would do to her if this didn't quit, she lies better than he does! Aww, made her cry!

I'm putting him out after the holidays, after all I have 2 boys to think about, and in the mean time, can't 2 play his game....


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Do what you need to do but I advise against "playing his game" it isn't something you want t carry you into the future.

draconis


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## cao428 (Jun 26, 2008)

I agree with the others. It's sad that once they cheat, they often times will do it again. I know if I catch mine a second time, he's done. I am working on forgiving mine for an affair, and believe me I don't want to experience that hurt ever again. I think you should draw the line...sounds like an EA to me!


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## Shelby (Nov 20, 2008)

Exactly what is an EA? I've yet to understand that? I've found out there is no secret prepaid phone. I'm not sure what to think about this whole thing!

"She" took the week off to go to Jackson to be with her mom (is what he told me yesterday) then this evening he said just in case you check our phone records she called me to tell me she wasn't coming in tomorrow. 3 things: he already said she took the WEEK off, why didn't she call on his office phone instead of his cell and why did that take 30 minutes? (you know I checked after he told me that!) He can't even keep up with his own lies anymore. 

Makes no sense, what a dumb ass he is:lol:


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

An emotional affair is one that takes away from the marriage, someone you spend all or most of your sexual energy flirting with, or dump all your troubles on while losing communications with a spouse. Often you get so close to the TOW or TOM you have a physical affair or think that your marriage isn't good, mainy because you lack the time, emotion etc to add to the marriage.

draconis


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## Shelby (Nov 20, 2008)

I see, thanks! I know nothing pyhsical is going on between the two, he's always home on time right after work, he gets off at 5:30 ans is home by 5:45 and is with me all weekend and it seems as though they aren't communicating as much. I'm not sure if I mentioned that he is her boss. His company, which is rather large and you would know it if I said it, but choose not to, doesn't condone "office romance" and feel sure he would lose his job, I can't understand why he would risk his job, and he's paid VERY well, over this. He really is an intelligent man and I feel sure that he loves me. He just surprised me monday with a new car (new to me) and its a car I always wanted but would never get for myself, said it was my Christmas present early because he couldn't pass it by. Its a Lincoln LS 2005, with only 24K plus miles on it, the last year they were produced (I think). I have a prefectly fine late model car now and didn't need it but he got it anyway, took me completely by surprise. Could it be guilt?

Sometimes I think when some men get older, it really bothers them. to me, he looks the same as the day I met him almost 24 years ago, he's aging well, I think he just feels old. He's 46 and this girl is 26 and like I said shes a large plain redheaded girl, makes no sense.


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## copperfiend (Nov 18, 2010)

For me it was my wife exchanging innapropriate text messages with an ex-boyfriend and having sexual chats with a former co-worker. Reading what she said to them was one of the lowest points of my life.


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