# I am failing miserably!



## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

I'm failing miserably at the 180! For about a week, I thought I was doing "ok" and now I've gone back to texting, calling, emailing, everything I know I shouldn't be doing. I'm just missing my husband so much.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Recognizing it as "failure" is a good start.

The best way (sometimes the only way) of avoiding contact is to be in constant company of friends. If you have someone in front of your face, you tend to shift your focus away from the absent. 

Don't be alone.


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

synthetic said:


> Recognizing it as "failure" is a good start.
> 
> The best way (sometimes the only way) of avoiding contact is to be in constant company of friends. If you have someone in front of your face, you tend to shift your focus away from the absent.
> 
> Don't be alone.


^^^That right there is the best advice. When the STBXW walked out on me on a Thursday, my friends came to me and took me out for the weekend and we went bowling and watched a move/hung out. Those 3 days with my friends helped greatly and eased the pain considerably.


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

How many years together? Think about that and give yourself some slack. Synthetic is right. Realizing that "your failing" is the first step. Keep practicing and you will give yourself the space you need.


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Best thing to do (like so many people have said in this forum) is to concentrate on you. Do things that you enjoy and stay busy at it. It's been about 3 weeks now since i have seen my STBXW (not counting the 2 days i had to see her to draft up separation papers and sign them at lawyers office) and i feel so much better. Hang out with people and make friends.


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## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

We've been together for 25 years. Guess I'm just so used to talking to him about everything. This is so hard.


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## WhatKatyShouldHaveDone (Jun 12, 2012)

Special place, you're not failing!! It's a process, I don't think it happens over night. I was with my husband half the time you were with yours... Yet he was my best friend, the first person I told everything big and small to... A couple of days ago I sent him a friendly relaxed email showing him something funny I'd seen on YouTube. When I saw it, I thought of telling him straight away... I knew he'd appreciate the sentiment. I got NO reply. I felt slightly stupid!! I think when you have a few experiences of this sort of thing, that's when you'll stop wanting to reach out to him in any way. At some point you feel like enough is enough.... And you'll start to, slowly, grasp the idea that he is not that man to you anymore. Your self respect will kick in, and you will stop putting yourself in situations which can only lead to pain.... But there are MANY ups and downs to come, as long as its two steps forward and only one step back you will get there. What really helped me? Be kind to yourself, dont judge any of your emotions or feelings or reactions... and keep telling yourself that your life is ALWAYS working out perfectly... Suffering is not the same thing as pain...you do not need to suffer to get through this pain... Accept the pain, just sit quietly with it, dont judge it. Accept where you are right now, how you're feeling right now, and know that it will not last, whether your feeling good or feeling bad, it will not last. Life is ever changing. But I swear to you, you ARE going get through this and maybe one day you will look back and think everything worked out perfectly in the end! x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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