# Papers Filed - Marital Status ?



## motl (Feb 18, 2014)

My wife and I have filed our papers last month and the divorce should be finalized within 2 months. It's basically just waiting for courts to process everything now. We have been separated over a year. All assets are already divided and separation agreement in place for months.

On dating websites, what should I put as my marital status? Divorced isn't exactly true yet, although it's inevitable very soon. On sites with a separated option I could use that, although that gives off a less 'available' impression. Single probably isn't the best idea although I don't know.

Friend suggested putting divorced and then explaining situation early on. Thoughts?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

At this point, it's close enough that you can realistically put divorced as your status. By the time you are likely to actually meet someone, you will be divorced, or much closer.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

"Lis Pendens" – English translation being litigation pending. But you’d probably only find a lawyer chick who’d appreciate that. I think I’d just say divorced if you have no opportunity to explain further.


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## motl (Feb 18, 2014)

On OKC, for example, there isn't even a divorced option. I can choose either married or single. Putting married would be stupid and just as deceiving as putting single. At the end of the day I am single, except that for another ~2 months I cannot legally remarry. 

POF I can put divorced. Tinder, well ... lol

I've seen one girl so far since filing the papers. Past relationships didn't come up on the first meeting. I think we plan to go on an actual date next week, and I expect I'll tell her either during or after the date (unless I realize I'm not interested). She's from OKC, so to her I'm single. Since we may do something physical/interactive like skating, I also considered telling her beforehand. 

I figure if I'm upfront within 2-3 dates (so a woman can make an informed decision before any relationship has time to form) then I should be OK (morally). Given that I'm young (29), I'm not that enthusiastic about explaining the whole situation in a profile. I'd rather be able to explain the current situation and how it all came about (assuming she wants details) directly to her, since that allows for an informed decision on her part instead of simply filtering out anything with the word 'divorce' in it.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

If there's a status called *"Free but itching for a return to my cell"*, choose that 

Joking!


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Until you are actually divorced...you are married.
Simple as that.

What would happen if you met "Her". She thinks you are single, you mention you arent. She bolts.
You lost "her".

Because of a technicality that should be blatantly obvious to you.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Wait the two months and it won't be an issue.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

On POF you can put separated. Simply notate your intent. You may not get any 

dates but you could very well get....some great conversation. A buddy did that

and he met a woman who would not meet him until it was final. But they spoke

daily after a few weeks. She met him the day the D was final. Oh....

they're engaged now


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

I would put "single", and explain in your profile a bit more...you do not want to attract dates who think it is okay to seek dates with a person claiming to be married...at least I wouldn't. Plus a lot of folks will skip over your profile if they see "married" I would think.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

motl, SamuraiJack and Ceegee are wise and you should listen to them.

The girls that just want to mess around, they won't care if your status says married or single, and if that's what you're looking for, then good for you! 

The women who say they won't date a separated man until he's divorced are also very wise, and if you want a real--and healthy--relationship, you'll have better luck finding a good match from this group.

As far as disclosure goes, either put it in your profile, or mention it before you actually meet in person. Waiting until the second or third date is dishonest, and that is a horrible way to start a relationship. It will cause her to doubt your integrity, and everything else that comes out of your mouth. Plus, if the woman has a rule about not dating separated men, you will be wasting her time. And that is SUPER UNCOOL.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

gals who mess around, will give you something you may not be able to get rid of

try explaining that to a great gal a year later.


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## ChristianGrey (Nov 27, 2014)

Married but available?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Separated, divorce will be final xx/xx/2015. Any questions, please ask.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

ChristianGrey said:


> Married but available?


NOOO... this makes it look like you're poly and either looking for a secondary partner, or your looking for a third for a threesome with your partner!

/rant
Personally, I HATE it when poly guys say they're "single" on a dating site. No, you're not SINGLE. I have no interest in being someone's secondary, and you just wasted my time chatting with me when I could have been talking to someone who's actually available. I'm not interested in being someone's piece of ass on the side.
/end rant

Sorry for the thread jack, happened to me last night. Hot, interesting guy who messages me first, we chat online for like an hour, and then he's like, oh, BTW, this is what I'm looking for (and I decided to chat you up, even though your profile made it clear that you're not looking for what I'm selling).


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> Separated, divorce will be final xx/xx/2015. Any questions, please ask.


This is good.


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