# chaste, fidelity, porn and sex.



## lifeisbetterthanalternat (Apr 24, 2012)

My wife and I have long had a drive disconnect with me being the more HD one. For the most part she tries to be accomodating but she works allot and we have 4 children. I am trying to Masturbate less requiring me to deal with intermittant abstention. For me the discomfort arising from lack of release is clearly triggered from arousal IE if I become aroused (or more frequently/intensily) the greater the urge/discomfort resulting from lack of ejaculating. 

While erections during sleep are unavoidable others are triggered from external (mostly visual) sources are. Even at 50 I find that seeing young and or /fit women while in public and on tv and/or internet adds trigger a physical response. I try to avoid sexual thoughts in response to these visual triggers but, I find it challenging. 

I am trying to get advice on how to deal with this. 

Edit:

I realized reading some of the responses that i have to clarify that my goal is to try to:
Develop a coping mechanism to deal better with my "condition" so that more of my sexual activity is with my wife even if this means I have to deal with some lack of frequency. I will reiterate with her schedule she lacks the time/energy to meet my 
frequency needs. 


Thanks


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
why are you trying to masturbate less if you are the HD one? Masturbation is the normal coping mechanism for the HD person in a HD / LD relationship.

She is the one who should avoid masturbation so that she is more often available for sex with you.


----------



## BurningHeart (Dec 30, 2012)

I have found the less you get it, the less you will need it, your body and drive adapts. I'm only speaking physically, emotionally you will probably always want it. Your body will expect ejaculation at every arousal state if you keep giving it one with frequent masturbation. If there is no pain involved without doing it, then try and refrain.
Men, by nature are visual beings. Our sight may as well be another sex organ.


----------



## lifeisbetterthanalternat (Apr 24, 2012)

burnheart. I have heard and read much about the male body's ability to "self regulate". I will agree that your body adjusts but, with my "condition" it does create discomfort. 

bad santa 
In a perfect world my wife would be for me whenever necessary but is not practical. 

richardsharpe 

My wife's masturbation is not the issue. she relies on me for her O's


----------



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

BurningHeart said:


> I have found the less you get it, the less you will need it, your body and drive adapts. I'm only speaking physically, emotionally you will probably always want it. Your body will expect ejaculation at every arousal state if you keep giving it one with frequent masturbation. If there is no pain involved without doing it, then try and refrain.
> Men, by nature are visual beings. Our sight may as well be another sex organ.


:iagree:

My wife isn't interested in sex and I gave up trying to encourage her years ago....to such an extent that on the very rare occasion (maybe 6 x a year) she comes on to me I find it very difficult to rise to the occasion both physically or mentally.

She has rejected me that often in the past that I am simply no longer interested and have to make a real effort to masturbate twice a month just to keep the pipes and pump cleared out.

If someone else came along and pushed all the right buttons would I be back to my old self?.....who knows.


----------



## big_barrel (Jan 27, 2015)

well man you will have to just deal with it. just don't think of it as a big deal and more than likely you won't notice at all.


----------



## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

"my wife and I practice S&M in our marriage......she sleeps and I masturbate." Oh the irony.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

OP, you can do all of the mental control and brain/thought deflection as you want (btw, that is the answer to your concern)....it won't matter in the long run, cause you see, the problem is with your wife and not you.

To YOU, the ultimate way of expressing love is intimacy. Your wife doesn't give you enough of it, so SOMETHING will have to give.

Today it's masturbation and thoughts.....in time, in the long run.......you will either cheat or leave her.

I would assume #2 now.

Talk to your wife, tell her how important this is to you. If she loves you, she will do her best to accommodate your high drive.

If she doesn't then you need to recognize her for who she is and ask yourself if you are willing to go on like this FOREVER.

Personally, I would not stay in a relationship that doesn't offer me the BASICS of a relationship (intimacy).

NO THANKS


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Get into marriage and/or sexual counseling immediately! That is absolutely no excuse for the way in which your wife either intentionally or unintentionally denies you!*


----------

