# strange one



## bobby5 (Mar 21, 2011)

I have told my story elsewhere on this forum but no need for the old detail on this one. My ex and i are seperated and i have been making great efforts to get us and our family (2 boys) back together over the past six months. She doesnt fancy me anymore and im mad about her. i have had some serious rejection over the past while but ive kept calm cause its worth if if we get back together. Anyway i stayed in her house (slept with my eldest son) for 2 nights recently as one of the boys was in hospital (hes out and fine was false alarm re appendix) and we had a lovely couple of dys and even watched a movie together one night when the boys were in bed. No intimacy and differnet seats but was nice. We also made plans for the christmas shopping and agreed i would stay christmas eve night so i can be there for santa. the day i left we were in good form. I phoned that evening to speak to the boys (as i do every evening) and no answer. I text that if it didnt suit thats ok as we had a lovely few days together. no reply. i text that she can just text that they are all ok. no reply. an hour later i phone again and the phone is answered with my eldest son on the line (this is not always the case but no unusual) so i have a chat with him and we say goodbye. she has not since replied to either text. even if she doesnt want me back is that just not rude and leaving me wondering what is wrong. i didnt text or phone today and either did she. I didnt speak to the boys tonight which is most unusual. i will phone tomorrow evening cause i am the looser if i dont. just wondering should i ask for her on phone tomorrow and ask her whats up or am i being wierd over nothing? i cant tell cauase ive had so much rejection lately im confused about what is normal. i love her but she just treats me terribly in some ways. the more i do for her and the boys the more indifferent she becomes. i just want them back. im not doin any 180 stunts. we are too old for all that and she knows for a fact i dont want anyone else. its a small episode the phone thing or is it cause i dont know.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

You are showing yourself as overly needy to her.

Relax. Stay connected to your kids, but don't read too much into her watching a movie with you or agreeing to go christmas shopping with you. Just wait it out.

Let her make the move. After a while, you can ask when are you going to go do the shopping together... Then, when you have her in your sights, sit down & have a cup of coffee..etc, with her & ask if she enjoyed when you stayed & the movie? Look at her facial expressions. She may have just tolerated it, because she was stressed about her son being in the hospital & it had nothing to do with wanting to re-connect with you.

You just need to wait it out & judge her reaction with her facial expressions, her body language. 

But, I really think with the calling & texting & recalling in an hour.. you are showing an emotional needy side that is not appealing to her.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> im not doin any 180 stunts. we are too old for all that and she knows for a fact i dont want anyone else.


Okay, Bobby, you've got the 180 ALL WRONG!

I'm a woman here, giving you the woman's POV, so listen up:

You do not do the 180 because you are PRETENDING you want someone else.
You do not do the 180 because you are TRYING TO GET someone else.
The 180 is not a game.
It is NOT an attempt to make her jealous so she'll be all 'Oh, Bobby, please come back...don't leave me...'
THAT CR*P IS GAME-PLAYING AND IS NOT THE 180!

You do the 180 because YOU feel you need to man-up for yourself.
You do the 180 because YOU recognize that you have PLENTY OF ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT in yourself.
You do the 180 because you see the VALUE in being a better MAN: for yourself, as an example to your sons, as a citizen of the world, NOT because your ex is going to be throwing herself at you begging you to come back.

When you do the 180, you concentrate solely on Bobby, the man, and what HE is doing to make HIS CORNER of the world a better place for HIMSELF and others.

There should be NO other agenda for the 180.

If you do the 180 and your ex happens to LIKE/APPRECIATE the fact that you look better, act better, give respect, expect respect, care about others, are a better father, etc. and wants to consider giving it another try with you, WELL THAT IS JUST ICING ON YOUR 180 CAKE!

If you do the 180 and your ex does NOT like/appreciate the fact that you look better, act better, give respect, expect respect, care about others, are a better father, etc. and does NOT want to consider giving it another try with you, WELL you are a much more desirable male on the dating circuit than you were BEFORE you fixed yourself with the 180. You are still a better man and will be in a better relationship in the future because you swept up YOUR LITTLE CORNER of the world. BTW, after doing a 180, you may decide that the ex or STBXW is no longer what YOU'RE looking for.

Don't do the 180 to play games, do it to improve YOURSELF for yourself and for your SONS.


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