# Can a goodlooking 50 yr old woman find love again?



## amanda1959

I am just wondering where I can kind love again. I am 50 and still in good shape and I am told I am pretty. After all the pain in my marriage my self esteem is rock bottom. What should I do and where should I go to attract a loving relationship. I am ready


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## Therealbrighteyes

Amanda,
Age means nothing. You can find love at any age. I do however think you are questioning whether to stay in your marriage because you fear not being able to find love again. You need a partner, if you will. I think a long term marriage makes it difficult for us to see ourselves without a partner in our lives. 
My coworker is 56 and was married for 27 years when her husband came home and told her he was done with the marriage. They have no children and she thought they were each others "rock". Apparently his "rock" was a 32 year old 3 time divorced woman who cheated on all her husbands. She was devastated beyond belief. She tried so hard to make things work but was smart enough to realize she cannot do all the lifting. She agreed to the divorce.
She waited 3 years before even considering dating again and then as if fate happened, she met him at a church she recently joined. He was also abandoned by his wife. They hit it off. 
He is 57 and she 56. They are getting married Christmas Eve in a small, candlelight ceremony. When you see the two of them together, nothing in the past matters. They found each other and they are perfect. Moral of the story, love comes at all ages. You never know who is out there.


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## amanda1959

thank you for the beautiful story there are tears in my eyes


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## Therealbrighteyes

Amanda,
Do not settle for less. You truly deserve SO much more, you have no idea. I know it's difficult. She was like you in so many ways. Get rid of the bum. You will feel a life you could never imagine, EVER.


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## takris

My twin daughters play the harp in weddings, restaraunts, etc. I'm the one who carries it around and helps set it up (and bought two of the darn things for $20k each). Recently, my manager and I were discussing how the Internet has changed this area. Basically, I live in a community where most work for the local Fortune 100 company. We did half a dozen weddings this past summer with men from my company who married women from across the country. All were middle aged.

It happens!

Point is, there is a wide open field of candidates, thanks to the Internet.


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## F-102

Someone said that 60 is the new 40. There's no law against finding love again-go for it!


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## AFEH

F-102 said:


> Someone said that 60 is the new 40. There's no law against finding love again-go for it!


Bless you F102 you made me chuckle. I'm 61! Haven't a clue if I'm fooling myself but no way do I feel my age. My eyes are too young though as far as women are concerned and I'm trying to readjust them lol.

Bob


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## cowgirl

it aint over til it is over


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## okeydokie

chin up buttercup. you will find the one


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## AFEH

amanda1959 said:


> I am just wondering where I can kind love again. I am 50 and still in good shape and I am told I am pretty. After all the pain in my marriage my self esteem is rock bottom. What should I do and where should I go to attract a loving relationship. I am ready


Amanda, aren’t you still married and still having problems with your husband?

Look I’m 61 been separated for near 12 months. Still fit, healthy etc. Lets just say for arguments sake the two of us met somewhere and “clicked”. I have to be honest with you Amanda if you are still married and if you haven’t put all the issues with your husband behind you, resolved them in your head and come to terms with them I would kindly walk away. No matter how attracted I felt towards you.

Ask yourself “Why would a man around our ages take on board a woman who hasn’t resolved her marriage issues and has low self-esteem?”.

I don’t mean to be unkind if that’s how I’m coming across. Rather I’m trying to encourage you to work on putting your marriage behind you if indeed you are married and that is what you have decided to do. Please do not go looking for a man with the expectation that he will raise your self-esteem. Why? Because if you start off your new journey that way you will attract the wrong type of man and your self-esteem and self-respect will go down even lower.

If you have ended your marriage in your head then get it over and done with. Then start working on yourself. Get out and enjoy life, pick up new hobbies, new interests find out what at the core of you what you are interested in doing. Those things will raise your self-esteem and self-respect. They are called “self” because they come from the inside of you. No one can “give” them to you, you have to get them yourself. Then while you are on that new journey you will meet people of similar minds and that’s when people become attracted to one another at our ages.

Bob


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## cowgirl

if you want a good way to answer your question. take a trip to veges some weekend.
128,250 couples who got married in Las Vegas in 2004 (roughly 5.5 percent of all marriages in the United States take place in Vegas) if you think about what age do you think most of these people are?
of course for the best shot at making a new connection it is wise to be at your best. work out and make sure you own life is in order. be what you want to attract!


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## nice777guy

I don't think whether or not you can attract another man should help you determine if you stay with your current husband. Hope that's not what you are really asking...


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## amanda1959

well i don't want to be alone do most people? I just wonder if I will ever find someone who will "get me" I don't think I am that complicated (have never been told that)
so yes in a way the question was asked for that reason


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## nice777guy

I was ready to start up a local He Man Woman Hater's club!

My wife has an aunt whose husband left her for another woman. She's got a good group of girlfriends. They do craft fairs together, go on trips together (Peru a couple of years ago) - all kinds of things.

You can find people to be around if you don't like being alone. And maybe don't look at it that way, but see it as giving yourself some quiet time to reflect on what you want to do next.

If that ends up being the path you choose.

Do you think your husband "gets" you now? Do you really feel connected to him right now?


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## amanda1959

no there is a TOTAL disconnect...right now I am most upset that he didn't get me a 25th anniversary gift and he says I am selfish and self absorbed...he just doesn't get it...if a man is working on getting his marriage back on track and he was the one that screwed up maybe leaving your wife with a lighter from Japan (where I now know he met a woman years ago) and nothing more than a champagne cork with their names on it, is not sensitive enough to realize what I need to heal the pain of the last two years. He fell short.


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## F-102

Whoah!!! YOU'RE STILL MARRIED?!?!
My sincerest regrets and apologies to everyone who read my post-I simply cannot condone an affair!


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## Scannerguard

Well, not condoning an affiar but if you are exploring the idea of finding love outside of marriage, I think that's a natural thought-process of someone exploring divorce.

Will there be another person for me if I divorce? I know I thought about it and it would be silly for me to deny that I didn't fantasize what it could be like, to pine for something you want out of life, but are not getting in your current circumstance.

Well, no guarantees in life but chances are you'll eventually find someone. I wouldn't let the 50 years old thing be the agent that sways you.

The problem I think you'll find is you'll have to change your approach and I think a lot (most?) women have a hard time doing that. Not that you'll have to do all the asking out (maybe occasionally). . .but well, you've got competition now, yes. . .from young hotties. You go out on a date. . .you may want to send a thank you note for a good time. (man still pays, at least I would). Things like that. 

Things a young hottie wouldn't think of doing. They're self-centered at that age because they have time and youth on their side. You've got experience and perspective. Be yourself and see if the dynamic would work.

I am just trying to paint a picture. I don't think it's fair for the forum to paint this picture that at 50 y.o. you are going to be some hot cougar, getting wedding proposals left and right every week and just say, "You go girl!" I mean, I think the intention behind the forum is benign but you know. . .everyone is a cheerleader when they aren't on the playing field.

The question is. . .can you live with being alone? Can you live with reality? We are all 1 step from being alone anyway - an accident, an illness. . .it can rob us like a thief in the night of the one we love.

You don't sound at peace with being alone. I think you should establish peace with that. . .and then attract someone into your life.

Good luck. I hope you reconcile in the meantime.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Scanner,
Fair? Nobody was painting a picture of anything. Reread the posts. I mentioned a co-worker and her story, another guy mentioned recent weddings he had been too and the rest said that love can come at any age. None of us gave her false hope. 
Just because you would never find a 50 year old woman as relationship material of interest doesn't mean other men wouldn't. Many guys like a woman their age. Similar life experience, goals, etc. You might not but then I am guessing some men would find a 27 year old with a nose ring annoying and offputting. **winks**


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## Scannerguard

Brennan,

*winks accepted - don't misinterpret my tone*

Of course it can mean men can find a 50 year old attractive and serious relationship potential. . .if you re-read my post. . .I said it probably will as a matter of fact. 

And I'll have you know, the woman I was involved with was 50 years old so I am not as shallow and superficial as you imply. I pursued her and we were involved for 9 months. The main problem I found was me - kids, her - no kids. Different planets we were from. . . as I am from Planet Kids.

27 year old hottie - she's from Planet Young Kids like me now. Much more in common with that. I also am enjoying the education discrepancy but that's a subject for another topic. . .

But I still stand by my assertion the forum is sugarcoating it subliminally or "between the lines" with touchy-feel-goody stories, with a benign intention of empowering and supporting her, but still sugarcoating it nonetheless.

I think I am the only one here offering some balance and reality to the situation. Go read online personals and see how many 50+ women are looking for Prince Charming to come in and swoop them up and take them for romantic walks on the beach and oh, they're "tired of all the drama."

I don't care how good looking you are - it goes beyond that with men.

The decision to divorce should be made independent of her prospects after marriage. I know it's natural though. . .I think when she reaches the point of saying, "I don't care if I never meet anyone again. . .this isnt' worth it.", she's reached the tipping point.

Hey, I wouldn't be much of a doctor either if I told everyone, "It's nothing - you'll be okay." That's bad prognostication.


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## Conrad

Face it - none of us get out of here alive.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Scanner,
I have never implied that you are superficial and shallow. Your comments seem to suggest it though. You want young and dumb. Nothing wrong with that and at least you own up to it but it wasn't me saying those things, you did.
I agree with you that pacifying people with "It's nothing" is the wrong approach. I don't think I was doing that, at least I hope not. I HIGHLY agree with you that she needs to either work on her marriage or work on getting out independant of any prospects out there.


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## nice777guy

Scannerguard said:


> The question is. . .can you live with being alone?
> 
> You don't sound at peace with being alone. *I think you should establish peace with that. . .and then attract someone into your life.*


That should be the takeaway from Scanner's post.

I'm surprised at how quickly some people around here have moved on from broken relationships. Seems like a good time to take a personal inventory and decide what you might want from the rest of your life, before you muddy it up with someone else's business.


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## Trenton

I've called Scanner shallow & superficial but that's just how I see his textual character. You might be getting me confused with Brennan as we're both ornery chicks that won't shut up


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## Trenton

nice777guy said:


> That should be the takeaway from Scanner's post.
> 
> I'm surprised at how quickly some people around here have moved on from broken relationships. Seems like a good time to take a personal inventory and decide what you might want from the rest of your life, before you muddy it up with someone else's business.


It's the addicted to having someone around thingy. I don't understand it either. If I were getting out of a bad relationship the last thing I'd want is a new relationship. Relationships are complicated.

I can still relate to amanda though. I don't think she's necessarily saying she wants this all to happen tomorrow but is rather addressing her deeper fears in an attempt to come to terms with a possible impending loss.


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## nice777guy

Trenton said:


> I can still relate to amanda though. I don't think she's necessarily saying she wants this all to happen tomorrow but is rather addressing her deeper fears in an attempt to come to terms with a possible impending loss.


You have all these pictures of growing old together in rocking chairs. All of your dreams and long-term plans include this other person. Of course if he really is gay, or just a cheater - those dreams will have to change whether or not you stay married. Takes time to adjust.


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## AFEH

Yes it’s a brave new world when one leaves a marriage. Nearly a year out from my separation and I’ve understood just how entwined the two people in a marriage become. There’s obviously the financial entanglement that needs to untangled. Then there’s the emotional and the psychological entanglement that need and untangling.

But there’s something much more subtle and more persistent than all of those and that’s the entanglement at the core of one’s psyche. In long term marriages it’s like we’ve been sharing our very psyche, our mind, deepest thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs with another person. Perhaps even our morality and our conscience. We behave this way because they will respond that way etc. In a way we become a part of our partner in the deepest part of our mind, it’s like we’ve adopted a part of their psyche and somehow the two negotiate with one another.

Maybe that’s why two opposites come together to make a whole.

But all this doesn’t become apparent for quite a while after the separation and I think the longer the marriage the longer it takes. I also think the stronger the original character the shorter it takes.

I think that’s why people say don’t jump into a new relationship too quickly. We need time to rediscover who we are.

Bob


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## amanda1959

AFEH yes thank you it is the "entanglement" at the different and "all" levels that seem to keep us in the wrong longtime relationships...it as as if we become quite merged because of the number of years you have spent together. This makes it very hard to leave.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Amanda,
I really feel for you and understand where you are coming from. While I haven't been married as long as you (17 yrs), I have known my husband for 30 years. We met when we were 9, in church. We spent our childhood being dear friends. He was the only boy at my 10th birthday party and later at my 13th. He danced with me at my 16th birthday party. 
My family has known his for 30 years. Our mothers worked on committees together and our fathers hung out together. We went on retreats and had dinner at each others houses once a month. There is hardly a childhood memory that doesn't include him in it. Later, his Grandfather married us. Talk about entanglement.
I am going through a tough time with my marriage as well and perhaps I cling to the history more than I should. History is of course, history. It is what is in the present that matters.
I will say to you this though, what your husband is doing would truly be a dealbreaker for me. He is being unfaithful and doesn't seem to care. I also read your heartbreaking post about forgetting your 25th anniversary. I cannot even imagine the level of your pain. Nobody forgets an anniversary of that magnitude, they choose not to recognize it. 
You have some really hard choices to think about. I think that you are co-dependant. I think we all are to some extent after long term marriages. There is a great book called Co Dependant No More. Came highly recommended to me and I have ordered it. Perhaps that book could help you. It isn't about saving your marriage, it is about saving yourself.
((((((VIRTUAL HUG)))))))


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## amanda1959

thanks Brennan...he didn't forget our anniversary but I arranged the dinner and I was really expecting a gift. I am now working out of state and we shared a bottle of champagne of which he wrote our names on the cork...but then he left behind a lighter from a Bar in Japan which opened the wound of his affair there 5 years ago apparently. Just thought the lack of gift and the lighter was very insensitive of him especially when he has caused me so much pain!


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## Scannerguard

> Scanner,
> I have never implied that you are superficial and shallow. Your comments seem to suggest it though. You want young and dumb. Nothing wrong with that and at least you own up to it but it wasn't me saying those things, you did.


Now wait a minute. . .I said I want to try "uneducated". . .not necessarily "dumb." There is a difference between the two, you know.

I don't think I ever tipped my hat one way to the other as far as young or old(er). 

Maybe it's a Professor Higgins/Eliza Doolittle thing. . .but I want to perhaps meet a woman with UNFORMED opinions first on subjects, then as she gets more educated, watch her form opinions. 

And I'd like to perhaps not have deep and intellectual conversations with my "mate" on politics, religions, philosophy, beer, botany, and Beowulf (the 3 "b's" at college we study). .. for that I have you chuckleheads. . . at TAM.


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## Scannerguard

PS: This is probably getting a little off topic. . .but I am not sure where crazy women here in the Men's Clubhouse got this crazy idea that a healthy marriage is supposed to result in deep conversations over an intense game of chess and attending Ballet (gag me with a spoon - I'll do Opera. . .but ballet . . .no, I draw the line)

The fictional Lilleth and Frazier divorced, you know.


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## Scannerguard

And admit it ladies. . .you may think I am a dote. . .but like Diane Chambers was attracted to Sam Malone. . .so goes it with Trenton, Brennan and vthomeschoolmom with Scannerguard. . .they find me alluring and are strangely turned on by me. . .and my bartender like wisdom. . .

. . .even if I dangle my propositions with a preposition. . .


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## Therealbrighteyes

Scanner,
You are a very interesting person, truly. I understand you wanting to be with someone that doesn't have an opinion on everything. 

Your second post puzzles me. What is wrong with deep conversations with your spouse? What would the alternative be, a shallow conversation? No communication at all?

And who are you calling crazy? **drums fingers**


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## Therealbrighteyes

Scanner,
You have also "tipped your hat" many times about your age preference. 

What I want to know is where the heck did you get the idea that I wanted a 55 year old?! I wrote that if we split up, my ideal age would be 40+ because I am 39. I want someone close to my age but not younger. Somebody with an AARP card doesn't do it for me.


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## Scannerguard

Brennan,

I'm not that interesting. I am only as interesting as a clown is, as I strive to be the Forum Clown.

I have not "tipped my hat". . .I have actually said that I would like someone near my age - 46 to 36 (I am 42). It seems like I don't meet women in that age bracket. . .not sure why.

That being said, I am "open" to the end ranges (55 and 25), thus the 27 year old with a nose ring (she's 28 in April, LOL). (she's actually mature - acts more like 35).

Did I say crazy? Well. . .not crazy as in bat**** crazy. . .crazy as in radical crazy.

Maybe it wasn't you. . .someone posted she would want good conversation and then wanted a man older by like 10 years (thus interestingly enough, making that man, like me, who wants to "date down" - funny when I'm doing it. . .I'm after a hot young piece of tail. . .but when an older man goes after you. . .well obviously he's looking for deep conversation  )

I do have this theory that Conversation = Sex with women. I swear, my ex talked so much I felt well . . .****ed. . .when I got off the phone with her.

I feel just like when a woman says, "Gee, I like sex and all, but honey, I just dont' have the drive you do. Can we take a break for just a few hours?"

Women have High Conversation Libidos.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Scanner,

I think the reason women on this board go after you (sort of speak) for your mentioning of dating down is because you have a tendancy to tell us "older ladies" that we aren't as desirable. In fact, at one point you referred to us as having shelf life. That's pretty harsh.

Speaking for myself, yes I have a high conversation libido. I am much more expressive than my husband but I have learned that over the years I don't talk with him as much because he has never shown to be very interested in what I have to say.


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## Scannerguard

> Scanner,
> 
> I think the reason women on this board go after you (sort of speak) for your mentioning of dating down is because you have a tendancy to tell us "older ladies" that we aren't as desirable. In fact, at one point you referred to us as having shelf life. That's pretty harsh.


It's funny how something gets said, it can get ever so slightly bent to sound harsh. I am pretty sure I never said women have a "shelf-life" but there is a reality out there that marriage is a sexual relationship with kids being the end product of sex when there hasn't been contraception.

I think what I originally (that raised ire here) said was there was an old saying, "No man is worth a damn until he is 40." If true, we may then extrapolate there is a turning point for women at that age.

Now. . .the meaning behind that saying. . .is it literal? Is it really, really true that "No man is worth a damn until he's 40?" No. . .I think the meaning behind that "grandmotherly saying" was when advising a granddaughter. . ."Look seriously at an older man. . .he is more able to provide, is more settled down, and more ready to be a father."

At age 25, as one poster points out, they may be able for 5x/night sex-a-thons. . .but is that Marriage? Of course not.

This is how I interpret the saying.

Now. . .if the grandmother had a grandson. . .what would they say about dating let's say a 45 year old woman?

My take: Have some fun. . .but don't think of her as serious "mate potential."

Is my old Italian Grandmother wrong? If so, you can tell her in person. . .



> Speaking for myself, yes I have a high conversation libido. I am much more expressive than my husband but I have learned that over the years I don't talk with him as much because he has never shown to be very interested in what I have to say.


AH!!! But that's just it. I bet he's very interested in what you have to say (i would hope). . .you are an interesting person. . .you actually seem like a woman with a good, sensitive, sweet heart. . .but it's not so much he isn't interested in you. . .it's just that he isn't interested in conversation itself.

Much like women who can "Take or Leave" Sex.

But that's his problem. I don't beleive in a conversationless marriage any more than a sexless marriage but you just can't wear men out.

Sometimes at the end of day, I've said everything I needed to say that day


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## Therealbrighteyes

Scanner,

You kind of proved my point. You are saying that a younger woman should find an older man as a mate but a younger man shouldn't think of an older woman as a potential mate. I can understand 45 being difficult in that biologically having children at that age is very risky but what if the guy is say 28 and the woman 37? Why should that not be viewed a potential mate?
Not arguing with your grandmother. 

I hear what you are saying about the conversation part though. So maybe it's not what I am saying so much but rather that he just into talking. Hmmmm, interesting point of view. Well it's a pity then, he has missed out on a lot. Playing computer games doesn't really expand you as a person much.


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## Trenton

I am not attracted to you. I find your intelligence and articulation to be a good thing but it's coupled with such bias. What good are brains when they're coupled with comments that make me want to barf in my mouth?

Maybe this is why you're attracted to and find younger women attractive, you're a better match. I have no idea and all the more power to you.

By the way, I think you're looking for someone who is unexperienced not necessarily uneducated. I am uneducated in that I do not have a college degree. I did have to read Beowulf in high school but you can count on that I don't remember a word of it. However, if you were a character in Lord of the Flies, you'd be the one always grabbing the conch shell and causing trouble. That much I can tell.


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## Scannerguard

> I am not attracted to you.


Sayeth Diane Chambers to Sam Malone. . .



> I find your intelligence and articulation to be a good thing but it's coupled with such bias. What good are brains when they're coupled with comments that make me want to barf in my mouth?


What was that? You were saying you find my intelligence and good articulation lead to great judgment, even if an occasional prejudgment (prejudiced bias) has to be made?

Why thank you. . .because you seem to understand. . .we all have biases. . .you may deny. . .one may deny they have none. . .but they do.

In fact, you would understand, being as perceptive as you are, if you deny that you have biases, that you are being intellectually dishonest.



> However, if you were a character in Lord of the Flies, you'd be the one always grabbing the conch shell and causing trouble. That much I can tell.


Moi?

You wound me. . . 

You act as if I was the one always at the Principal's office or something.


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## Scannerguard

> You kind of proved my point. You are saying that a younger woman should find an older man as a mate but a younger man shouldn't think of an older woman as a potential mate. I can understand 45 being difficult in that biologically having children at that age is very risky but what if the guy is say 28 and the woman 37? Why should that not be viewed a potential mate?
> Not arguing with your grandmother.


I think the grandmotherly view would be "Okay, she's "potential" at 37. . .but not optimal".

Actually, grandma didn't live in the time with all the new reproductive technology. . .not sure what her opinion of that would be, with advanced maternal age and all that.

I have to punt that one to women, I guess, who are in charge of reproduction and I guess it's a new idea that women can and should have babies later and later in life.

If grandma says, "Go for it.", I'll accept that


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## Therealbrighteyes

Scannerguard said:


> I think the grandmotherly view would be "Okay, she's "potential" at 37. . .but not optimal".
> 
> Actually, grandma didn't live in the time with all the new reproductive technology. . .not sure what her opinion of that would be, with advanced maternal age and all that.
> 
> I have to punt that one to women, I guess, who are in charge of reproduction and I guess it's a new idea that women can and should have babies later and later in life.
> 
> If grandma says, "Go for it.", I'll accept that


Well there are certainly alot of positives having a baby later. Finances and stability being two. Our first was born when I was 21. Financially optimal? No way. Biologically? Yes. 
Now, having said that, there is something cool about going to his school functions and being the youngest mom there. All the other parents are early 50's and the wives give me the stink eye.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Scanner,
I guess more to the point: Why would somebody who is 40's want somebody so much younger. I presume that a man in his 40's already has children of his own and isn't looking to start another family so why would the age of the woman matter? Like the poster asked, Can a 50 year old woman find love again? You suggested that she would be in competition with younger women. But why would younger be better for a 50 year old man, taking reproduction out of the equation? This puzzles me.


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## Trenton

Scannerguard said:


> Sayeth Diane Chambers to Sam Malone. . .
> 
> 
> 
> What was that? You were saying you find my intelligence and good articulation lead to great judgment, even if an occasional prejudgment (prejudiced bias) has to be made?
> 
> Why thank you. . .because you seem to understand. . .we all have biases. . .you may deny. . .one may deny they have none. . .but they do.
> 
> In fact, you would understand, being as perceptive as you are, if you deny that you have biases, that you are being intellectually dishonest.
> 
> 
> 
> Moi?
> 
> You wound me. . .
> 
> You act as if I was the one always at the Principal's office or something.


I just barfed in my mouth. 

P.S. Your 27 year old would not get your Cheers reference. :rofl:


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## Scannerguard

Well yeah, Trenton. . .I was planning on going out and talking about the Monkees, maybe show her my walkman, and how funny Cosby was last week.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Scannerguard said:


> Well yeah, Trenton. . .I was planning on going out and talking about the Monkees, maybe show her my walkman, and how funny Cosby was last week.


Wait, the Monkees was from our generation?! Gack! Really? I didn't listen to them but I always thought they were older.


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## michzz

Brennan said:


> Wait, the Monkees was from our generation?! Gack! Really? I didn't listen to them but I always thought they were older.


I'm 52 and watched their terrible tv show.

Preferred the sony and cher show


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## Scannerguard

> Why would somebody who is 40's want somebody so much younger. I presume that a man in his 40's already has children of his own and isn't looking to start another family so why would the age of the woman matter? Like the poster asked, Can a 50 year old woman find love again? You suggested that she would be in competition with younger women. But why would younger be better for a 50 year old man, taking reproduction out of the equation? This puzzles me.


Honestly, Brennan,

I know, just for fun and roleplaying, I am coming across as the "cradle robber" here (is that the guy equivalent of Cougar? Or is that just a Dirty Old Man?  ). . .but I really dont' have an age preference.

That being said, I'll try to speak for my best friend who ONLY dates 29 years old and younger. He is 42, a successful nephrologist at a major hospital, has a lot of wealth he stands to inherti, and was prety good looking (runner up for Prom King in high school - all the girls fawned over his long hair and "artistic" looks). He is also majorly athletic (six pack abs).

Okay, have I painted a picture?

If I were to speak for him, this is why:

A. He wants to have kids now, or is seriously thinking about it. He wants 2.

(okay, now taking that out of the equation like you said)

B. He has a high libido. He is the type who somehow had 2 girls, who each knew of each other, and would see them for extended sex-a-thons during a long weekend. Sex between the two of them 5-6x. I think he fears a mismatch of libido for a woman his age (right or wrong)

C. Despite my own prodding to find someone his age, he states he just somehow identifies with Generation Y or Next vs. Generation X in a lot of ways. He is just "younger" in that regard.

D. He leads an active lifestyle and let's face it, a lot of women after age 40 are well. . .settled ( a lot of men too!) and aren't into hiking, triathlons, running, etc. It's all about raising kids.

E. Superficial. Younger women are more attractive than older women. He likes a young ballerina look whereas I tend to like a voluptuous look.

I am not sure if this accurately portrays his viewpoint as I am giving this "by proxy" since he's not here.


----------



## Trenton

I graduated high school in 93' and I'm positive the Monkee's were not on the charts. haha

My point was that at least we are old enough to make fun of them and recognize them. Having things in common with my husband who is less than two years older than me is one of the best things. I can't imagine being with someone who had no idea what I was talking about most of the time but that's just me.

Scanner, I honestly don't care what you do, it's your life and happiness. Who am I to dictate what should make you happy. I can't. I just find your posts hard to stomach is all and I'm the type that has something to say about everything.


----------



## Scannerguard

Hey! The Monkees weren't actually too bad for a 2-bit band. I have their album Best of the Monkees on my Ipod.

Now that being said, I do remember the TV show from when I was a child (maybe 8 years old). . .but Madonna, Prince, and Michael Jackson and The Police were more my generation's music that I grew up on.


----------



## Trenton

Scannerguard said:


> Honestly, Brennan,
> 
> I know, just for fun and roleplaying, I am coming across as the "cradle robber" here (is that the guy equivalent of Cougar? Or is that just a Dirty Old Man?  ). . .but I really dont' have an age preference.
> 
> That being said, I'll try to speak for my best friend who ONLY dates 29 years old and younger. He is 42, a successful nephrologist at a major hospital, has a lot of wealth he stands to inherti, and was prety good looking (runner up for Prom King in high school - all the girls fawned over his long hair and "artistic" looks). He is also majorly athletic (six pack abs).
> 
> Okay, have I painted a picture?
> 
> If I were to speak to him, this is why:
> 
> A. He wants to have kids now, or is seriously thinking about it. He wants 2.
> 
> (okay, now taking that out of the equation like you said)
> 
> B. He has a high libido. He is the type who somehow had 2 girls, who each knew of each other, and would see them for extended sex-a-thons during a long weekend. Sex between the two of them 5-6x. I think he fears a mismatch of libido for a woman his age (right or wrong)
> 
> C. Despite my own prodding to find someone his age, he states he just somehow identifies with Generation Y or Next vs. Generation X in a lot of ways. He is just "younger" in that regard.
> 
> D. He leads an active lifestyle and let's face it, a lot of women after age 40 are well. . .settled ( a lot of men too!) and aren't into hiking, triathlons, running, etc. It's all about raising kids.
> 
> E. Superficial. Younger women are more attractive than older women. He likes a young ballerina look whereas I tend to like a voluptuous look.
> 
> I am not sure if this accurately portrays his viewpoint as I am giving this "by proxy" since he's not here.


OK, see that's great for him but I would want nothing to do with him on a personal level. I'm sure I'd be happy to have him fix my neurons if they needed fixing but that's about it. I wouldn't want my daughter to have anything to do with him either.

I actually have a friend who works as a medical biller in a busy cardiologist office. There are four married doctors there. One who is married to a beautiful wife (who is also a doctor) and has a 7 month old baby girl just hit on my friend who is an attractive 31 year old who is single. They went out to dinner twice with me ranting and raving about how horrible it was for her to do this. Then he suggested he book a night at the Sheraton for them. \He actually then sent her a text saying they had to hang low because something happened and he thought the wife was on to them. 

I have to listen to how hurt my friend is and sad thing is...she talks about this crap happening all the time in her office, all the time. Was he really interested in her? Did the doctor take advantage of her?

Hey, your doc friend is single so I can respect that he wants to have fun and wants a ballerina with the possibility of a family. It's the lack of depth that makes my stomach curl. At least he's not a cheating butt who doesn't recognize everything he already has.


----------



## Scannerguard

> I can't imagine being with someone who had no idea what I was talking about most of the time but that's just me.


God forbid, if something happened to your husband (knock on wood twice). . .you could imagine it.

In your first marriage/relationship, it's usually only natural to confine your dating to your "college age spread."

I think marriage the second time around is diffferent. 

At that point, there are two ages:

Child (under 22/23 years old)
Grown-up (over 23)

I just want to date a grown-up. The 27 year old hottie with a noserign has 2 kids she has raised by herself mostly and has her tubes tied (so no more kids for us, if it ever worked out that way) and is struggling at times with all that's on her plate. She seems just as mature as me at times, and is also saddled with sick parents and a sick sister.



> Scanner, I honestly don't care what you do, it's your life and happiness. Who am I to dictate what should make you happy. I can't. I just find your posts hard to stomach is all and I'm the type that has something to say about everything.


Yeah, the truth is hard to stomach sometimes 

What's the old saying?

_Most people encounter the truth as if a giant force had hit them, knocked them to ground and then they proceed to get up and walk about as if nothing had happened. _

Look. . .my posts are certainly biased. I am going through a mid-life transformation here I guess, trying to redefine myself. Take any of my opinions with a grain of salt.

I do tend to be blunt in my opinions and I could temper them with some more cooth.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Scanner,
Would this be the friend who wants to live on a commune with multiple women? If so, he isn't marriage matirial for anybody, no matter the age. LOL.


----------



## Trenton

Scannerguard said:


> Hey! The Monkees weren't actually too bad for a 2-bit band. I have their album Best of the Monkees on my Ipod.
> 
> Now that being said, I do remember the TV show from when I was a child (maybe 8 years old). . .but Madonna, Prince, and Michael Jackson and The Police were more my generation's music that I grew up on.


Somehow Madonna MJ are still hanging in there (even with one being dead) so talk about them...lol

The Police, Sting specifically, I have a lot of respect for him and his wife. They've done a lot of humanitarian work with the wife focusing on the environment...the oil spill in South America which destroyed the homes/life/health of the indigenous people there. Not bad music either.

I live an hour or so from NYC and the train to the city is five secs away, I grew up on amazing music and still get to the city to see shows. I love music as does my husband. I'd have to be with a guy who loved music. Maybe I'm projecting. Don't we all.

Do you think chicks really dig six packs? It's not even on my top ten of things I'd want in a guy.


----------



## michzz

Leaving aside the obvious interest in young bodies, at some point there has to be a set of common experiences for most people.

It can be as silly as knowing who the Monkees were.

But there are lots of other things that at the end of the day make two people click.

Anything outside about a 10-year range of life experiences is far more difficult.

That 40-year-old friend of yours can attract younger women who have a mercenary bent. Wait until they're 40 and he's 60. And so on.

What's a guy do when he realizes that all he can offer the young women he is attracted to is monetary inducements.?

It'll come back to bite him in the rear.


----------



## Scannerguard

Trenton,

As far as these girls wanting to score a doctor, go figure, I know.

After he broke up with the one girl, she still told him months later that she was in love with him and wanted him back. The other girl he ended up with (and is still with her right now) kept saying,

"I am not putting too much pressure on you, am I? I mean I want to let you have this other woman and not hurry to make up your mind."

Honestly, I don't know how he pulls this crap off, LOL. Talk about being at the principals office. . .he was the friend who always had me there, LOL.

And if you ever work healthcare, you'll learn it's a regular Peyton Place there.

There are two things that motivate people in healthcare - food and sex.


----------



## Trenton

Your 27 year old with the nose ring sounds like a great woman. She sort of sounds like my 31 year old friend I was talking about but she only has one child who she struggles to take care of. I have younger girlfriends so it's not really that. Certainly there are mature twenty-somethings who have important things to say. Honestly, 27 doesn't even sound that young to me. I hope it works out for both of you, I truly do.

...and you're right. I can't know what I'd do or feel like if I were left without my husband.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

All I know is if my marriage doesn't work out, the next guy better rock it like the dude from the Old Spice commercial.

LOL.


----------



## Trenton

michzz said:


> Leaving aside the obvious interest in young bodies, at some point there has to be a set of common experiences for most people.
> 
> It can be as silly as knowing who the Monkees were.
> 
> But there are lots of other things that at the end of the day make two people click.
> 
> Anything outside about a 10-year range of life experiences is far more difficult.
> 
> That 40-year-old friend of yours can attract younger women who have a mercenary bent. Wait until they're 40 and he's 60. And so on.
> 
> What's a guy do when he realizes that all he can offer the young women he is attracted to is monetary inducements.?
> 
> It'll come back to bite him in the rear.


I think that was my point sort of. We all have expiration dates. I guess, for me, I am more focused on sharing a life rather than dating a penis but I get that men really do like to date vagina's and boobies.


----------



## Scannerguard

Michzz,

I know. . .in fact, that's the main advice I give him - watch out for the Sugar Daddy thing.

I mean that girl who loved him. . .I mean. . .did she really LOVE him or was it the idea of what he could provide for her?

How do you seperate the two since women do tend to fall in love with a Provider? (unmodern women, I guess)

That's the rub. . .that's what makes it so complicated. . .like with me and this 50 year old woman. . .she is financially independent adn I did reach a crossroads with her. . .I told my friend, "I think I could be comfortable with her, she is in love with me, she's sexual (at least right now. . .but then can change with anyone), she's attractive. . .I am not ga-ga over her though and there is the kids conflict."

In the end, this friend advised me to end it, that it wasn't fair for the feelings to be so "one-sided."

But the complicated thing was. . .I did find her attractive and we clicked.

And that is the complicated thing for these girls. The probably do say, "He is a good looking man." and then have to struggle with the conflicts on age and generational difference.

Brennan,

Yeah, that's the friend - he wants a hippie commune. He is also the friend who is a Yoga Instructor and tells me to take yoga to meet chicks there as I'll be the only guy there and tells me women dream of taking their yoga instructor for a fling so I should get certified.

He's a pistol to talk to. 

You'd all be going off to Mexico for a fling with him by the time he was done with you, LOL.

I look forward to his emails every other day and actually do LOL at the computer at his antics.

I do have a Sensible Friend to offset him.


----------



## Trenton

Brennan said:


> All I know is if my marriage doesn't work out, the next guy better rock it like the dude from the Old Spice commercial.
> 
> LOL.


Can you even imagine someone else? I can't imagine someone adding up to the likes of my husband. If I was looking again it would be for someone who was thoughtful, intelligent, funny, clever and into humanity, writing and music. Is there something wrong with me? If he happened to look like Johnny Depp...OK, admitted bonus but that's a huge secondary for me. I'd rather have a guy willing to go to Ghana with me to work with the Flip Flop Foundation any day of the week.


----------



## Trenton

Scannerguard said:


> Michzz,
> 
> I know. . .in fact, that's the main advice I give him - watch out for the Sugar Daddy thing.
> 
> I mean that girl who loved him. . .I mean. . .did she really LOVE him or was it the idea of what he could provide for her?
> 
> How do you seperate the two since women do tend to fall in love with a Provider? (unmodern women, I guess)
> 
> That's the rub. . .that's what makes it so complicated. . .like with me and this 50 year old woman. . .she is financially independent adn I did reach a crossroads with her. . .I told my friend, "I think I could be comfortable with her, she is in love with me, she's sexual (at least right now. . .but then can change with anyone), she's attractive. . .I am not ga-ga over her though and there is the kids conflict."
> 
> In the end, this friend advised me to end it, that it wasn't fair for the feelings to be so "one-sided."
> 
> But the complicated thing was. . .I did find her attractive and we clicked.
> 
> And that is the complicated thing for these girls. The probably do say, "He is a good looking man." and then have to struggle with the conflicts on age and generational difference.
> 
> Brennan,
> 
> Yeah, that's the friend - he wants a hippie commune. He is also the friend who is a Yoga Instructor and tells me to take yoga to meet chicks there as I'll be the only guy there and tells me women dream of taking their yoga instructor for a fling so I should get certified.
> 
> He's a pistol to talk to.
> 
> You'd all be going off to Mexico for a fling with him by the time he was done with you, LOL.
> 
> I look forward to his emails every other day and actually do LOL at the computer at his antics.
> 
> I do have a Sensible Friend to offset him.


Seriously, seriously squared even. There is no way this guy would do anything for me besides make me want to hit him over the head with a yoga mat. All women are not the same.

To your other point, are these young women in love with him? You'd have to define love but by my version absolutely not. They are most likely flattered that such a successful, attractive man wants them but this is about a lack of self worth and looking to get it in the wrong places but it's not about love.


----------



## michzz

Scanner,

I think your friend is a bit of a braggart for your benefit.

I'll bet if you were to put fly on the wall where he around these ladies you'd see a far different picture than the one he paints for you.


----------



## Scannerguard

Trenton,

Seriously cubed, love is more complicated and perhaps more simple than you and I could ever imagine.

Yeah, of course, on superficial examination, everything looks well. . .superficial.

But then again, that's the "Mating Game." If it were as simple as a match of character, values, and beleifs, you'd see 89 year old women hooking up with 17 year old studs as they pondered life over a cup of latte and a great bit of conversation.

Much to your and any psychobabblist's surprise, the two of them could end up happily married and giving weekend seminars on the subject.

In the end, I am not sure it's about love, marriage, that is, as much as it is about compatibility and perhaps Yente, the Matchmaker, had it better figured out. . .just figuring out who was a good match and not questioning her, thinking you knew what was better for yourself.

Heck, most people can't even balance their checkbooks, let alone assume the awesome responsibility of who to mate with and share a life together.


----------



## Trenton

michzz said:


> Scanner,
> 
> I think your friend is a bit of a braggart for your benefit.
> 
> I'll bet if you were to put fly on the wall where he around these ladies you'd see a far different picture than the one he paints for you.


Or he's a mess of a person who lacks any real sense of worth and all of his antics are his way of trying to fill a void and has major entitlement issues. In my experience, it always comes back to these two things.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Trenton,
No, I cannot see anybody else. I was joking around.

Scanner,
If your friend was a 42 year old garbage collector, that 20 something wouldn't have been "in love" with him.


----------



## Trenton

Scannerguard said:


> Trenton,
> 
> Seriously cubed, love is more complicated and perhaps more simple than you and I could ever imagine.
> 
> Yeah, of course, on superficial examination, everything looks well. . .superficial.
> 
> But then again, that's the "Mating Game." If it were as simple as a match of character, values, and beleifs, you'd see 89 year old women hooking up with 17 year old studs as they pondered life over a cup of latte and a great bit of conversation.
> 
> Much to your and any psychobabblist's surprise, the two of them could end up happily married and giving weekend seminars on the subject.
> 
> In the end, I am not sure it's about love, marriage, that is, as much as it is about compatibility and perhaps Yente, the Matchmaker, had it better figured out. . .just figuring out who was a good match and not questioning her, thinking you knew what was better for yourself.
> 
> Heck, most people can't even balance their checkbooks, let alone assume the awesome responsibility of who to mate with and share a life together.


For me it is about love and for me love is work lust is icing. That is just me. I don't want a Yente choosing for me because I know myself better than they could. Of course, the only thing we will most likely ever agree on is the possibility that I am wrong. I'm cool with that. Invite me to your wedding and I promise not to stand up and object.


----------



## Trenton

Brennan said:


> Trenton,
> No, I cannot see anybody else. I was joking around.
> 
> Scanner,
> If your friend was a 42 year old garbage collector, that 20 something wouldn't have been "in love" with him.


Knew it! Tell your husband you want him to look more like the Old Spice dude and give you some emotional support damn it. He doesn't know how lucky he is to have you.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Trenton said:


> Knew it! Tell your husband you want him to look more like the Old Spice dude and give you some emotional support damn it. He doesn't know how lucky he is to have you.


Oh he knows all right. He is just foolish enough to think I will stick around forever. 
And where are the diamonds falling from his hands?! LOL.


----------



## Trenton

Brennan said:


> Oh he knows all right. He is just foolish enough to think I will stick around forever.
> And where are the diamonds falling from his hands?! LOL.


:rofl:


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Trenton said:


> Knew it! Tell your husband you want him to look more like the Old Spice dude and give you some emotional support damn it. He doesn't know how lucky he is to have you.


Funny short story: We were at a male friend's house a few weeks ago and I was in the kitchen. Hubbie and I had had a bit of an argument driving over there. I hear him from the other room complaining to our friend about me. Friend stops him cold and says "Dude, she's awesome, funny as hell and has a great ass". Hubbie pauses for a second and says "why the hell are you talking about my wife like that?". Friend responds "the question should be, why the hell aren't _YOU_ talking about her like that?". 

Hubbie walked in the the kitchen and smacked my butt. I think it dawned on him for a brief moment that others wouldn't mind replacing him.

:rofl:


----------



## michzz

Brennan said:


> Funny short story: We were at a male friend's house a few weeks ago and I was in the kitchen. Hubbie and I had had a bit of an argument driving over there. I hear him from the other room complaining to our friend about me. Friend stops him cold and says "Dude, she's awesome, funny as hell and has a great ass". Hubbie pauses for a second and says "why the hell are you talking about my wife like that?". Friend responds "the question should be, why the hell aren't _YOU_ talking about her like that?".
> 
> Hubbie walked in the the kitchen and smacked my butt. I think it dawned on him for a brief moment that others wouldn't mind replacing him.
> 
> :rofl:


Great story.


----------



## Trenton

Brennan said:


> Funny short story: We were at a male friend's house a few weeks ago and I was in the kitchen. Hubbie and I had had a bit of an argument driving over there. I hear him from the other room complaining to our friend about me. Friend stops him cold and says "Dude, she's awesome, funny as hell and has a great ass". Hubbie pauses for a second and says "why the hell are you talking about my wife like that?". Friend responds "the question should be, why the hell aren't _YOU_ talking about her like that?".
> 
> Hubbie walked in the the kitchen and smacked my butt. I think it dawned on him for a brief moment that others wouldn't mind replacing him.
> 
> :rofl:


Awww WTH, maybe you need to be thinking about your husband's friend


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Trenton said:


> Awww WTH, maybe you need to be thinking about your husband's friend


His comment was a tad out of line but it was still awesome to hear.


----------



## Scannerguard

Wait a minute. . .you lament a few posts ago that men marry a pair of boobies and a vagina but now you say a woman marries a man's occupation? 

(say it ain't true - that these young hotties are after this doctor's salary and stability?)

Could we be making honest progress here in realizing that love and marriage exceed 2 soul mates engaging in endless, interesting conversation?

That money and sex have a lot to do with the Price of Tea in China?

I mean if that were the case, that it were all about endless, interesting, deep conversation, it would be one big Group Marriage here at TAM.

With me as the Head of the Family of course.

Big Daddy. Papa.

That's me.


----------



## Trenton

Brennan said:


> His comment was a tad out of line but it was still awesome to hear.


My husband's friends can be out of line like that anytime they want. Yep.


----------



## Trenton

Scannerguard said:


> Wait a minute. . .you lament a few posts ago that men marry a pair of boobies and a vagina but now you say a woman marries a man's occupation?
> 
> (say it ain't true - that these young hotties are after this doctor's salary and stability?)
> 
> Could we be making honest progress here in realizing that love and marriage exceed 2 soul mates engaging in endless, interesting conversation?
> 
> That money and sex have a lot to do with the Price of Tea in China?
> 
> I mean if that were the case, that it were all about endless, interesting, deep conversation, it would be one big Group Marriage here at TAM.
> 
> With me as the Head of the Family of course.
> 
> Big Daddy. Papa.
> 
> That's me.


Chicken said what?

There are soul mates and we do have endless interesting conversations that end up changing the world for the better and constantly having mind blowing realizations throughout life while enjoying mind blowing sex.

&

There are really hot 20 something women who will marry a man for his occupation and who will always enjoy each physical aspect of this man as many times as he wants or needs and they will do it any way he wants because they are so grateful and obsessed with his manhood.

Two fantasies I suppose. In reality marriage, love and life is always work.

Scanner you can come to our TAM convention but you've got to wear a t-shirt that says, "I make smart, old women want to vomit but I make hot, young women scream with joy"

And since you're a doctor you have to pay for all of us to fly to the convention, first class.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Scannerguard said:


> Wait a minute. . .you lament a few posts ago that men marry a pair of boobies and a vagina but now you say a woman marries a man's occupation?
> 
> (say it ain't true - that these young hotties are after this doctor's salary and stability?)
> 
> Could we be making honest progress here in realizing that love and marriage exceed 2 soul mates engaging in endless, interesting conversation?
> 
> That money and sex have a lot to do with the Price of Tea in China?
> 
> I mean if that were the case, that it were all about endless, interesting, deep conversation, it would be one big Group Marriage here at TAM.
> 
> With me as the Head of the Family of course.
> 
> Big Daddy. Papa.
> 
> That's me.


Dr. Love,

Who are you talking to here? You didn't quote anything.


----------



## Trenton

I think he was talking to his 27 year old girlfriend and got confused?


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Trenton said:


> My husband's friends can be out of line like that anytime they want. Yep.


You want really out of line? Same guy for some reason misheard that we were in the process of separation. He sent me a message on FB that said "Sorry things aren't working out. As soon as you separate, call me. I want to make sure I am first in line to date you". That was last week. WTH? AWKWARD.


----------



## Trenton

Brennan said:


> You want really out of line? Same guy for some reason misheard that we were in the process of separation. He sent me a message on FB that said "Sorry things aren't working out. As soon as you separate, call me. I want to make sure I am first in line to date you". That was last week. WTH? AWKWARD.


Did you tell hubby? That's way out of line even if complimentary!


----------



## Scannerguard

Wasn't this what you posted?



> Today, 03:30 PM #60 (permalink)
> Trenton
> Member
> I get that men really do like to date vagina's and boobies.


I didnt' think I was hallucinating this, since I rarely use the terms vagina's and boobies.


----------



## Deejo

Brennan said:


> You want really out of line? Same guy for some reason misheard that we were in the process of separation. He sent me a message on FB that said "Sorry things aren't working out. As soon as you separate, call me. I want to make sure I am first in line to date you". That was last week. WTH? AWKWARD.


Oh please ... You loved it.

And if you do tell hubby, just make it clear that your already starting a man-ho posse if things don't pan out.


----------



## Trenton

Scannerguard said:


> Wasn't this what you posted?
> 
> 
> 
> I didnt' think I was hallucinating this, since I rarely use the terms vagina's and boobies.


I understood that I had said that but have no idea how you came to the conclusion you did.


----------



## Trenton

Deejo said:


> Oh please ... You loved it.
> 
> And if you do tell hubby, just make it clear that your already starting a man-ho posse if things don't pan out.


I think anyone would love that. I agree with Deejo's advice here too. Who doesn't need a man-ho posse?


----------



## Scannerguard

> Scanner you can come to our TAM convention but you've got to wear a t-shirt that says, "I make smart, old women want to vomit but I make hot, young women scream with joy"


Deal, even if the t-shirt is a bit of a platitude, like, "Have a Nice Day."



> And since you're a doctor you have to pay for all of us to fly to the convention, first class.


No deal.

But as a compromise, I'll take a copy of your Blue Cross Card and charge for the consultation.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Trenton said:


> Chicken said what?
> 
> There are soul mates and we do have endless interesting conversations that end up changing the world for the better and constantly having mind blowing realizations throughout life while enjoying mind blowing sex.
> 
> &
> 
> There are really hot 20 something women who will marry a man for his occupation and who will always enjoy each physical aspect of this man as many times as he wants or needs and they will do it any way he wants because they are so grateful and obsessed with his manhood.
> 
> Two fantasies I suppose. In reality marriage, love and life is always work.
> 
> Scanner you can come to our TAM convention but you've got to wear a t-shirt that says, "I make smart, old women want to vomit but I make hot, young women scream with joy"
> 
> And since you're a doctor you have to pay for all of us to fly to the convention, first class.


Yes, yes Trenton. A 20 something woman marries a 40 something man because of true love. Career and money be damned. 
A 40 something man who marries a 20 something woman for her looks is just as shallow as the woman who marries for "stability". Both can go away in a New York minute. Take a look at all the IB's on Wall Street who lost their wives shortly after the economy tanked. Take a look at every woman over the age of 35 here in Texas who was married because she was a trophy wife and tossed aside for somebody younger.
If you marry because of age or money, you are doomed. Hubbie and I have problems but we didn't marry for either of those reasons, so at least we can look at our relationship with honesty and say it was for love. OR the fact that I got pregnant. 
:rofl:


----------



## Scannerguard

Having I think drifted pretty much off topic. . .let me just conclude, since I admit I don't have the stamina for exchanging these witty barbs that I think amanda will find love, happiness, and fulfillment as a good-looking 50 year old.

I won't say it will come easily but as you say, Trenton, love and marriage are hard work. If she's up for the task and goes out to find love vs. waiting for love to find her, she will find it.

Now. . .go out and stake your claim on happiness!!! Good luck.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Deejo said:


> Oh please ... You loved it.
> 
> And if you do tell hubby, just make it clear that your already starting a man-ho posse if things don't pan out.


NO, it WAS really awkward. Flattering, yes. Weird, beyond yes. We have known him for 9 years and see him at school functions. Not part of my husband's "core" group of friends but still, he is a friend of ours. 
Now, to be really honest, he does have a charisma more than anybody I have ever known. THAT part is attractive. If I could take his charm and confidence and stuff it in to my husband, well, I wouldn't be here.


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## greenpearl

Scanner,

Do you find this kind of conversation nourishing? 

I don't. 

Do you enjoy tormenting these women? 

I don't. 

I enjoy talking to people who are up building instead of degrading. 

That's why I usually search for positive things to read and positive posts to reply.


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## amanda1959

Thank you all for your uplifting comments, I for one may just stay single for a long long time...with my cat and dog as company.


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## Trenton

amanda1959 said:


> Thank you all for your uplifting comments, I for one may just stay single for a long long time...with my cat and dog as company.


I'm good company too! I do also think you will find love but sometimes we find it when we least expect it. You should begin living the life you imagine as your best possible life.


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## Trenton

greenpearl said:


> Scanner,
> 
> Do you find this kind of conversation nourishing?
> 
> I don't.
> 
> Do you enjoy tormenting these women?
> 
> I don't.
> 
> I enjoy talking to people who are up building instead of degrading.
> 
> That's why I usually search for positive things to read and positive posts to reply.


It's just healthy banter. He's not tormenting me (can't speak for others). 

You don't enjoy reading posts like these but feel the need to comment on the posts you don't read because you don't enjoy them?


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## Scannerguard

Greenpearl,

No, I don't enjoy it. It's admittedly kind of fun at first but I don't like to hurt a lady's self-esteem or self-image or anything. Yet, I do want to help if they need a guy's opinion.

I apologize if any of my comments or analyses wounded anyone.

I much prefer to engage in self-deprecating humor if anything. If you read closely, you can often find it inserted in my posts. I don't take myself too seriously.

I think the problem with the Men's Clubhouse may be that really we can't really talk amongst ourselves here too much. It's female patrolled. That is something that does seem to be missing from American Society now. . .where men and only men could go out and carefully choose when to invite a woman into their closed circle for a peek.

Now. . ., when men do that, that's called, "The Good Old Boys Club" and other non-politically correct entities. (remember the days when you had a male country club? the feminists would have a royal fit and 6 coniptions now if they formed one). It does seem that women now feel compelled to insert estrogen in all things that used to be testosterone.

That being said and purged from me, I will say this with the same breath, when I have been with a bunch of guys, I love it when women show up and change the whole mood.

Case in point: Golf.

I hate playing golf with other guys. They get all competitive and angry and upset when the group in front of them is going slow. Or when they mess up a stroke. Or tee-time got bumpted. Women let you play through and don't care about the score. They just want to socialize and perhaps enjoy the outdoors and scenery.

Yes, women do have their place in the Men's Clubhouse.

For that, BBW, Mem, and niceguy can go play golf without me. I'll play with Trenton, you, and Brennan.


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## greenpearl

Scannerguard said:


> Greenpearl,
> 
> 
> For that, BBW, Mem, and niceguy can go play golf without me. I'll play with Trenton, you, and Brennan.


I don't think I can fight with them. I lose right away. 

Ha, the best, stay away, avoid all the fights!

I don't see Wolf and MEM's posts in men's club a lot now. 

I miss their posts. 

Now they go to the infidelity forum, that's the last forum I want to go to. I can't stand all the hurt people are having!

I enjoy talking to intelligent men because I want to understand men and learn from them. 

I don't enjoy attacking men. 

I don't enjoy attacking anybody.


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## Trenton

greenpearl said:


> I don't think I can fight with them. I lose right away.
> 
> Ha, the best, stay away, avoid all the fights!
> 
> I don't see Wolf and MEM's posts in men's club a lot now.
> 
> I miss their posts.
> 
> Now they go to the infidelity forum, that's the last forum I want to go to. I can't stand all the hurt people are having!
> 
> I enjoy talking to intelligent men because I want to understand men and learn from them.
> 
> I don't enjoy attacking men.
> 
> I don't enjoy attacking anybody.


Pot calling kettle black my dear.


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## AFEH

Scannerguard said:


> I think the problem with the Men's Clubhouse may be that really we can't really talk amongst ourselves here too much. It's female patrolled. That is something that does seem to be missing from American Society now. . .where men and only men could go out and carefully choose when to invite a woman into their closed circle for a peek.
> 
> Now. . ., when men do that, that's called, "The Good Old Boys Club" and other non-politically correct entities. (remember the days when you had a male country club? the feminists would have a royal fit and 6 coniptions now if they formed one). It does seem that women now feel compelled to insert estrogen in all things that used to be testosterone.


The Men’s Clubhouse is a misnomer.

Much like ….. pencil lead, tin can, steamroller, tin foil, clothes iron etc.

But I think here it demonstrates just how much the “way of life” has changed right at its’ core.

I think in some ways it’s a feminisation of men. In some areas men are even encouraged to work on their feminine side, their anima. And by doing this their masculinity suffers.

Although it’s early days I think the most successful “turn around” I’ve seen on the whole forum is R2s. R2 deliberately sought the advice of men and applied it in his marriage.

I wonder how many men drift away when they see The Men’s Clubhouse sign on the door, enter and see what’s going on here.

Bob


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## greenpearl

Scannerguard said:


> Greenpearl,
> 
> I think the problem with the Men's Clubhouse may be that really we can't really talk amongst ourselves here too much. It's female patrolled. That is something that does seem to be missing from American Society now. . .where men and only men could go out and carefully choose when to invite a woman into their closed circle for a peek.
> 
> 
> Scanner,
> 
> For a few times I felt the same. I felt that some people are trying to control my speech. They think they have the right to control what I post!  (To me, on the forum, only the moderators and administer have the right to tell me what the boundaries are.) I was frustrated, I didn't know how to react. I wanted to fight back, but my husband told me there is no need to fight back with people. If they talk to us nicely, we can engage in a meaningful conversation with them, if they don't, we just keep quiet, there is no need to defend ourselves with them. We don't need their approval. I told Chris H also about my frustration, Chris told me to put them on my ignore list if I find their posts annoying.
> 
> And that's what I am doing now. I have put some people on my ignore list, I don't see what they are posting, so I don't need to get annoyed and frustrated and feel the need to defend myself.
> 
> Peaceful, YEAH.


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## amanda1959

ignore list????...where is that lol...never knew there was one, thanks


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## Conrad

AFEH said:


> The Men’s Clubhouse is a misnomer.
> 
> Much like ….. pencil lead, tin can, steamroller, tin foil, clothes iron etc.
> 
> But I think here it demonstrates just how much the “way of life” has changed right at its’ core.
> 
> I think in some ways it’s a feminisation of men. In some areas men are even encouraged to work on their feminine side, their anima. And by doing this their masculinity suffers.
> 
> Although it’s early days I think the most successful “turn around” I’ve seen on the whole forum is R2s. R2 deliberately sought the advice of men and applied it in his marriage.
> 
> I wonder how many men drift away when they see The Men’s Clubhouse sign on the door, enter and see what’s going on here.
> 
> Bob


They get enough of this kind of stuff at home.


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## Trenton

Conrad said:


> They get enough of this kind of stuff at home.


Poor men. How will they ever cope...


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## Conrad

Trenton said:


> Poor men. How will they ever cope...


Do you actually read posts 1-10 from just about any man that comes looking for this place?


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## Trenton

Conrad said:


> Do you actually read posts 1-10 from just about any man that comes looking for this place?


I don't understand the question. Do you mean, do I read the first 10 posts of any man that comes looking for this place or did I read posts 1-10 in the man's clubhouse?

The answer is no to both but I was trying to figure out why you were asking me. I randomly read different threads in-between whatever else I have to do.


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## Conrad

Trenton said:


> Poor men. How will they ever cope...


Your empathy is only superceded by your denial.


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## Trenton

Conrad said:


> Your empathy is only superceded by your denial.


You know, I'm going to collect all your one liner's and ongoing song about the man up thread and create a Conrad robot and give it to you as a Christmas gift.


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## Conrad

Trenton said:


> You know, I'm going to collect all your one liner's and ongoing song about the man up thread and create a Conrad robot and give it to you as a Christmas gift.


It wouldn't be nearly as sensual as the real thing.


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## Trenton

Conrad said:


> It wouldn't be nearly as sensual as the real thing.


Sensual. Hmmmm


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## Pavane

Amanda:

I'm in here late, but wanted to say, in a word, yes. 

P.S. I think there is a lot of over-thought here. Yes, you can. You do need to work on yourself, but you can certainly do that in the company of a good and caring partner. Leaving your marriage is essential, which will be difficult to do, and I understand that, as do many others.

P.P.S. I don't think Scannerguard and his ilk mean harm, but I wouldn't take them too seriously. They're as much "wounded children" as any of us.


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## SallyAnne

I don't know why people keep banging on about the internet. That is the worst place to find love and boost your self esteem in my opinion. Too many time wasters on there with unrealistic expectations of finding a younger, slimmer, beautiful woman. If you do get to the point of someone suggesting meeting up or even talking on the phone, they usually back off at the last minute with some excuse like they have a cold or something. Genuine men are out in the real world, not hiding behind a computer screen in my opinion.


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## Holland

SallyAnne said:


> I don't know why people keep banging on about the internet. That is the worst place to find love and boost your self esteem in my opinion. Too many time wasters on there with unrealistic expectations of finding a younger, slimmer, beautiful woman. If you do get to the point of someone suggesting meeting up or even talking on the phone, they usually back off at the last minute with some excuse like they have a cold or something. Genuine men are out in the real world, not hiding behind a computer screen in my opinion.


I had a blast internet dating and met some really great and interesting men. TBH I think it is a worthwhile exercise for those in the over 40 age bracket. Most people are busy, don't go to clubs etc so it is hard to meet others.

The key is to not take online dating or yourself too seriously, if you met a nice guy, have a fun night out then that is a bonus. Life is what you make of it, for me internet dating was a lot of fun.

I work from home, alone so found internet dating convenient and ended up with a wonderful man who is now my partner.


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## LovesHerMan

Trenton said:


> You know, I'm going to collect all your one liner's and ongoing song about the man up thread and create a Conrad robot and give it to you as a Christmas gift.


Another zombie thread. Trenton, do you remember saying this? LMFAO over here.


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## I Notice The Details

You can absolutely find love again...and it might happen in the most unexpected place. I met my future wife on an airplane! Do you go to bookstores or church functions? Those places usually are easy to meet people in. How about your favorite coffee spot? 

50 and beautiful....very nice!. I am 49 and feel like I am 35. Age is just a number given to you. Nothing more. 

My best wishes to you Amanda!


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## SallyAnne

Holland said:


> I had a blast internet dating and met some really great and interesting men. TBH I think it is a worthwhile exercise for those in the over 40 age bracket. Most people are busy, don't go to clubs etc so it is hard to meet others.
> 
> The key is to not take online dating or yourself too seriously, if you met a nice guy, have a fun night out then that is a bonus. Life is what you make of it, for me internet dating was a lot of fun.
> 
> I work from home, alone so found internet dating convenient and ended up with a wonderful man who is now my partner.


I'm glad you had a positive experience. My problem is to get the dates in the first place. As I said in my previous post, the men all seem to pull out at the last minute when it comes to meeting someone or talking to them on the phone. Also, I think they just have too much choice and you don't stand a chance when there is much younger competition than you cos that is what normally go for. I also work from home but have only had two dates so far after a lot of hard work and not with very nice men. 

I presume you are in the States? I'm in London and I think men are a lot more anal here.


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## Holland

*SallyAnne* I am in Aussie, a complete paradise when it comes to gorgeous men  As for the age thing, I have always dated older men (5-10 years) so that worked in my favour as you are right, many men are looking for a younger woman. 

There are others on TAM that talk about a meet up type of site which isn't dating but more for social activities, is there something like that near you?

Maybe it is different here but I know quite a few people that have met online and are in relationships. For sure there are plenty of time wasters and players but you learn to weed them out. 

Also here there are many more men online than women so it is probably easy for us as we are the ones that get to pick and choose. Come for a visit to Oz, plenty of men here


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## SallyAnne

Holland said:


> *SallyAnne* I am in Aussie, a complete paradise when it comes to gorgeous men  As for the age thing, I have always dated older men (5-10 years) so that worked in my favour as you are right, many men are looking for a younger woman.
> 
> There are others on TAM that talk about a meet up type of site which isn't dating but more for social activities, is there something like that near you?
> 
> Maybe it is different here but I know quite a few people that have met online and are in relationships. For sure there are plenty of time wasters and players but you learn to weed them out.
> 
> Also here there are many more men online than women so it is probably easy for us as we are the ones that get to pick and choose. Come for a visit to Oz, plenty of men here


I'm definitely coming over to Oz then : - )


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## chillymorn

just be yourself and get out and enjoy life . I'm sure some friendly guy will find you..if you try too hard you will jst end up with a jerk let karma happen.


when you least expect it .....expect it.


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## RClawson

Amanda,

There are plenty of men out there that are going to find you attractive. I have always thought women over 40 are just fantastic. It is the wisdom and the maturity. Generally I find women over 40 to be very confident about their outlook and that is just pure sexy. 

I would start building activities around your hobbies and volunteering somewhere that you have a passion for. I have no doubt that will shine through and will be recognized. 

As long as you do not turn into a "house frau" you should keep heads turning and minds wondering.


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## MattMatt

amanda1959 said:


> I am just wondering where I can kind love again. I am 50 and still in good shape and *I am told I am pretty. *After all the pain in my marriage my self esteem is rock bottom. What should I do and where should I go to attract a loving relationship. I am ready


I think you slightly misspoke, here.

You have not been told you are pretty, you are pretty. Very pretty indeed.:smthumbup:

And young. No. Trust me. You are young!


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## Woodchuck

amanda1959 said:


> I am just wondering where I can kind love again. I am 50 and still in good shape and I am told I am pretty. After all the pain in my marriage my self esteem is rock bottom. What should I do and where should I go to attract a loving relationship. I am ready


My SIL married 5 times:
1) At 16 she married a Macho a$$hole serial cheater....Divorced
2) At 25 Maried his best friend, also a$$hole cheater..Divorced.
3)At 40 married for money...total jerk.....Divorced
4)At 45 married a nice guy with money....He died
6)At 50 married the best of the bunch...Totally devoted head 
over heels in love true gentleman. kind honest, loving man.
She said she couldn't bear to loose him, hoped she
would die first...Got her wish last year...

She was a waitress, and met the last two as customers who came back to her place after loosing their wives....She saw how they treated women before she married them...I hope you do as well as the SIL did with her 50's love.....

good luck
the woodchuck


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## Conrad

lovesherman said:


> Another zombie thread. Trenton, do you remember saying this? LMFAO over here.


The Conrad robot upgraded since then.

That was the T101

We're on the model T-1000 now.

Human skin over metal endoskeleton.


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## In_The_Wind

Can a goodlooking 50 yr old woman find love again? 
Heck ya she can


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## toonaive

My girlfriend (50) says she did!! Im a very happy man.


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## joshbjoshb

amanda1959 said:


> I am just wondering where I can kind love again. I am 50 and still in good shape and I am told I am pretty. After all the pain in my marriage my self esteem is rock bottom. What should I do and where should I go to attract a loving relationship. I am ready


Only if she will become self confidence.


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## Bustapa1

I agree with Scannerguard. Yes. Its a leap of faith at any age. You are questioning and doubting yourself. Its a woman thing. We tend to do this. More so than men. Men, in difficult situations like this, tend to go "outward" in venting their pain. They'll go out and proactively seek women in bars, clubs, or anywhere, face rejection, get hurt, but keep moving until something lands. Its painful for them too but they still do it. Women, on the other hand, tend to go "inward" by staying home, being depressed, eating lots of bad things, trying to soothe the pain through food, sleeping, tv watching. Some men to do but mostly women. Watching a lot of romantic movies, crying, letting their appearance go, etc...but the main thing they do is "doubt themselves" and their ability to get attention from another man. Here is the way to combat this. 

Think of the many times while you were still married that you caught the eye of a man who stared longer than a second, flirted with you, talked to you, tried to pick you up, or even made a comment about your appearance. Did it make you feel nice? Did he notice you? You say you are a fit and good looking 50 year old woman, right? And when this went on you were still married and couldn't get with anybody because you were being faithful to your husband and your marriage, correct? Well..what would stop that from happening again? Just because you are divorced is there a giant sign on your head that says, "not me...i'm used goods...I'm a divorcee"? No...Right? So...you KNOW that someone else will look your way, notice you, and that you still "got it"! ;-) 

You just need to remind yourself that you are attractive, warm, sweet, a great person and that you can and will attract someone else. Don't let the jerky thing your husband did to you make you feel a lack of worth and value about yourself. You are attractive, you will attract someone, so walk with your head up high and make sure you look as great as you want to, and when you leave the house every day you can look in the mirror before going and say, "wow...I am hot" and walk with that attitude EVERYWHERE YOU GO! Be friendly, cheerful, and free and I guarantee you someone will look your way. 

Men in their 50's are NOT all looking for younger women. A lot of them would be very happy to have a 50 year old woman who looks great and is happy in her own skin...and people like that DO fall in love every day. Just be the part! And don't sell yourself short...make sure that whomever you pay attention to when they notice you is someone YOU'D like to be with. Live your life as if YOU have the pick of the mill...not the other way around!


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## Cynthia

Zombie Thread from 2010


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

F-102 said:


> Someone said that 60 is the new 40. There's no law against finding love again-go for it!


Whoever said 60 is the new 40, ain't 60 yet. 😎


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

For OP, if even perfect communication isn't bringing about marriage to your satisfaction ie acceptance then you are going to be OK if changes. If H is hostile then that may be a tipping point. But make a plan. If you want to remain and work with H on bettering your marriage that's ok too obviously. Only you know which is better for you.

Best of luck.


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## Devil74

I know exactly how u feel Amanda...the pain in my marriage is exactly the same. My wife just pretends to love me but theorectically just uses me as a housekeeper and wants me for the money I earn at work...I feel like she's pushing me away from my own family and friends and I'm not allowed to do things without her permission. So if u wana know what to do or where to go...how about tlking to me so we can cheer each other up 😊


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## happyhusband0005

Woo Hoo super thread reboot. The OP has probably been divorced and remarried by now.


----------

