# Wife found religion



## Tireless

We have been married for 24 years. I thought after all of that time I knew who she was. Now I don't. I am so confused. She was never religious and I have always been agnostic. Well two months ago she says she was saved. Now she is constantly on this. Reading the Bible 24hrs a day. Watching religious shows and Internet programs. She says she has been considering this for the last four years. Where was I? She says she can't talk to me about this. But she can talk to others. She has become secretive. I have never been anti religion but religion is becoming anti me. She says it is her choice and will not affect our family but it already has.


----------



## Lionelhutz

Tough situation. 

She be counselled to leave you...something about oxen and uneven yolks ...or some such nonsense.

Some people go through new found religions like drugs and burn out quickly and some become addicted for life.



.


----------



## CantSitStill

Well I believe and am very spiritual and I do remember days where I really hurt hubby's feeling telling him I wish he was more of a spiritual leader. I now realize how unfair I was to say that, the man works way too many hours and when we were married we were evenly yolked.. Not his fault that I got more involved with praying and reading the bible. What I love about him is that he doesn't stop me from what I do and I don't push him into anything..Good luck to ya
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CantSitStill

meant to say when we first got married we were evenly yolked...Yes we are still married..20 yrs!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tireless

I wish I understood what she is looking far. And what is lacking in me that I could not give it to her. I can not join her in this. It is against my convictions. If this is God's plan I am not impressed or likely to convert.


----------



## Mark Val

Moses had a Non-Jewish Wife..still God was fine with him...

Esther became the queen of a Non-Jewish King..

So whats it regard to her being some Religious stuff..?


Where is religion in these Two great commandments..?

*Love your God , with all your might ,soul,mind etc

Love your neighbour as Your-self..
*
Is it Christian or Jewish or Agnostic or Atheistic..?

It's simply Divinity and Humanity...

Moreover many a wife and husband had Non-Christian spouses during the emergence of Christianity...


----------



## Tireless

It is not so much religion as it is this major change in who she is. It is the way she has cut me out of what seems to me is a major change in the way she sees the world. I can't seem to get past the fact that she hid this from me for years. I can't get past the fact that she continues to hide her thoughts and feelings from me. I see religion taking her away from me and our children. Religion isn't necessarily bad but obsession in anything is.


----------



## Shaggy

Tireless said:


> It is not so much religion as it is this major change in who she is. It is the way she has cut me out of what seems to me is a major change in the way she sees the world. I can't seem to get past the fact that she hid this from me for years. I can't get past the fact that she continues to hide her thoughts and feelings from me. I see religion taking her away from me and our children. Religion isn't necessarily bad but obsession in anything is.


Question - who is leading her spiritually? More specifically is there a "man" of god involved.

secrecy isn't typically part of religion - especially not christian religion.


----------



## Lionelhutz

Shaggy said:


> Question - who is leading her spiritually? More specifically is there a "man" of god involved.
> 
> secrecy isn't typically part of religion - especially not christian religion.


Perhaps not in theory, but just like everyone else infidelity and divorce is part of the reality of christian marriages even among those professing to be saved.


----------



## MSP

_". . . A wife is not to depart from her husband . . . And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him." _ (Taken from 1 Corinthians 7) 

In any case, how was your marriage before this? Why does she say she can't talk to you about it? That statement flies in the face of the Bible's teachings about sharing the Gospel. She is, in fact, required to talk to you about it.


----------



## Tireless

There is no man involved. I do not fear her fidelity physically. The one who has led this crusade is a female friend. She says she can't talk to me about it because I do not believe. Our marriage has been strong. I lost my job a few months ago and had to move the family to go back to work. I wonder if this dislocation from a place and people she loved has a lot to do with this. She swears she does not blame me but I am not sure.


----------



## Mavash.

Under times of stress people often reach for that 'fix' to make themselves feel better. And while I am a believer I have seen many people use religion as that crutch. Its the stuff cults are made of quite honestly.

That said I absolutely think the move has triggered this.

I'm with Lionel either this is a phase and it burns itself out or it becomes her new drug and she is addicted for life. The part where she says she can't talk to you and is secretive is bad bad bad. Some of the worst sinners out there can be found in church. Don't kid yourself.

My sincere advice would be to talk to someone anyone on how to get your wife to open up about her new life before it's too late. Even if you don't believe you need to know what's going on. You need to be a part of this. Resenting her for it will only drive her farther away.


----------



## COguy

Maybe she feels she can't talk to you about it because you're not willing to listen. I mean look at it like this. She has this experience, that whether or not you believe in it, is important to her. How you respond to that will make all the difference.

One of the hard things about relationships like this is that she is going to be VERY excited about it, and the more you hear about it, the more you're going to resent it. She's probably trying to do the right thing by not bothering you and talking about it 24/7, but it's probably what she wants to do.

Look at it from her point of view, she's found something really exciting and she would love to share it with you and let you be a part of it, but she knows you aren't interested.

I'm not sure I know what the "right" thing to do is, but I know as your wife, with someone who found something important to her, it's probably important that you be at least willing to talk to her about it and show genuine interest that she has found something special. You CAN do that without proclaiming your undying love for God.

Think of it like the dad who goes to his daughter's boy band concert. He's not going to get a tattoo of Justin Bieber, he's there to show that he cares enough about her interests to get involved, even though he's not really into it.


----------



## mitho

*@Tireless *


*one step sloution*


it is the natural truth that with the passage of time every human slowly slowly dislike the pleasures of life. he or she want to relaxe and tention free life , so don't worry about the attitude of your wife

write follwoing question on a page or memo and then presented him to your wife

1- who is the founder of this world?
2- who is the jesus the christ?
3- what is the relation between God and jesus?
4- whether jesus come back in this world?
5- when will the end of this world?
6- what is the message of bible?


when you will ask above mentioned question she will be surprised about your knowledge and ready to talk with you.

don't worry about her religious views , religious people never be corrupt

regard


----------



## Tireless

COguy said:


> Maybe she feels she can't talk to you about it because you're not willing to listen. I mean look at it like this. She has this experience, that whether or not you believe in it, is important to her. How you respond to that will make all the difference.
> 
> One of the hard things about relationships like this is that she is going to be VERY excited about it, and the more you hear about it, the more you're going to resent it. She's probably trying to do the right thing by not bothering you and talking about it 24/7, but it's probably what she wants to do.
> 
> Look at it from her point of view, she's found something really exciting and she would love to share it with you and let you be a part of it, but she knows you aren't interested.
> 
> I'm not sure I know what the "right" thing to do is, but I know as your wife, with someone who found something important to her, it's probably important that you be at least willing to talk to her about it and show genuine interest that she has found something special. You CAN do that without proclaiming your undying love for God.
> 
> Think of it like the dad who goes to his daughter's boy band concert. He's not going to get a tattoo of Justin Bieber, he's there to show that he cares enough about her interests to get involved, even though he's not really into it.


That is one of the issues. I offered to attend church with her and listen with an open mind. I offered to read any books she might suggest that would give me an insight into what she believes. I can't change the way I feel about religion but I can listen. She says that by my asking questions about what she believes I am pushing her. I grew up in the church. I would dare to say that I have read more of the Bible than most Christians. So even though I don't believe, I can carry on an intelligent conversation about what the Bible says and what I think it means.


----------



## COguy

Tireless said:


> That is one of the issues. I offered to attend church with her and listen with an open mind. I offered to read any books she might suggest that would give me an insight into what she believes. I can't change the way I feel about religion but I can listen. She says that by my asking questions about what she believes I am pushing her. I grew up in the church. I would dare to say that I have read more of the Bible than most Christians. So even though I don't believe, I can carry on an intelligent conversation about what the Bible says and what I think it means.


Pushing her to what? Does she think you'll try to convert her back to agnosticism? Do you notice when you talk about the stuff you're doing it with a twinge of superiority?

I'm only saying that because I do it too, especially when talking to my wife. We'll talk about something and I'll try to prove my point instead of just listening to what she has to say.


----------



## Gardendream

Maybe she is just adjusting with her newfound belief. Because she is still 'learning' with her new faith, she doesn't feel very confident with the extent of her knowledge to engage in religious debate. 

Faith is a very strange thing, it cannot be explained by logic. If she has been in this faith for a while then maybe she can cope with the debate (which is your 'questioning' about the bible). Especially because you know more about the bible than her. Its like she believes, she has faith but she cannot engage in debate and if you try to question details on her faith it will only make her feel frustrated. 

Its probably easier for her to talk to other people that either; doesn't know much about christianity or actually a faithful christian. Minus the emotional aspect of being your spose. 

I might be wrong, of course - after all I don't know your wife. But I was in the same situation with her. It was quite frustrating for me. My husband is not agnostic but he doesn't really trust the institution of my religion.


----------



## ferndog

everything in life should be in moderation, I don't care what it is. Religion is a drug that some replace after struggles with other things in life. It's just amazing how religion should bring you closer but instead is driving you apart. she stopped being a wife. tell her you love her and want to spend time with her, write her a letter. tell her you love her enough to support her found beliefs but tell her not to forget you the man she married. having spiritual belifs is beautiful but isn't marriage part of her belief system? talk to her let her know you feel shut out of her life. marriage is a partnership and it seems that you are willing to even go to church with her and she says no? theres no room in God's house for you? where does she expect you to go after death? if you can't even go to church then I can't explain it.


----------



## anotherguy

Tireless said:


> ...She says that by my asking questions about what she believes I am pushing her.... I can carry on an intelligent conversation about what the Bible says and what I think it means.


Gads, I cant imagine anything worse. Seriously. Anyone that cant even discuss it, to me, is showing some frightening fundementalist tendancies.

I have never said this to anyone. Ever. But if my wife suddenly moved off to fantasyland and felt threatened by discussion on the matter - I would be seriously thinking about bailing out if the situation looked unresolvable.

If I were you I would GET to that church and see what they are feeding her. From what I see you writing - where her head is at is not healthy, or normal. If the problem is with the church she is attending - then you have one problem. If the problem is that she has mentally check out, on her own, to somewhere you cannot follow - then you have another. Either way - I would be apoplectic if it was me.

Yikes.


----------



## Buddysnude

I would show an interest in what she is learning. when she come home from church or Bible study, ask her what she learned. This opens dialog between you and her. It would allow time to see what her beliefs are now compared to what they were. If you show genuine interest, then she wouldn't be so secretive.


----------



## gofish

It sounds like you really love your wife, Tireless, and are in a difficult place. It can be really challenging in a marriage when you don't share the same belief system. I work with Focus on the Family, and they recently aired a program about marriages that don't spiritually agree. I thought it might be something that would interest you. There's even a thread on their forum that features the guests of that program, in case you want to check it out.

My heart goes out to you, Tireless. Please know I am praying for you and your wife. God bless!


----------

