# Swingers clubs?



## broken regrets (Dec 31, 2008)

OK - this might not be the correct place to ask this question but I thought what the heck. My husband was my first and I thought only love. Apparently I was not his first, he was quite successful with the ladies and had been married previously. After almost 20 years of not thinking about ever being with another man I have been kicking around the idea of just going to a "lifestyle" club to get back in the game. Anonymity (sp?) and no strings attached - just raw sexual pleasure so I can see what it is like with another. Get over that hump and back into the living.

If you have not read my other thread, he wants the divorce after an EA with another woman. Does not want to try and I need to find a way to move forward. I have been working on myself and have made some INCREDIBLE changes & strides in my self esteem, physically, and mentally.

Anyone ever try this method? How did it work for you? Regrets?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Although I am a self confessed sex maniac, I have come to realise that focusing on sex and sex alone never works. The best sex you can have is within a loving relationship. The reason that random encounters can appear more fulfilling is twofold:

1) The raw shock and excitement of the new.

2) Most people have a fear of closeness, partly because they see things in the other person that remind them of things about themselves that they would rather not be reminded of. 

Once we become comfortable with our own emotional baggage, closeness to others become more enticing.

I have never been involved with swingers, but have read their mumblings in other forums. The UK scene is dominated by crazies as far as I can tell. A lot of them seem to have a vacuum in their soul, and the only thing that is going well is the sex. 

But if you succeed, we are all interested, I'm sure


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

broken regrets said:


> OK - this might not be the correct place to ask this question but I thought what the heck. My husband was my first and I thought only love. Apparently I was not his first, he was quite successful with the ladies and had been married previously. After almost 20 years of not thinking about ever being with another man I have been kicking around the idea of just going to a "lifestyle" club to get back in the game. Anonymity (sp?) and no strings attached - just raw sexual pleasure so I can see what it is like with another. Get over that hump and back into the living.
> 
> If you have not read my other thread, he wants the divorce after an EA with another woman. Does not want to try and I need to find a way to move forward. I have been working on myself and have made some INCREDIBLE changes & strides in my self esteem, physically, and mentally.
> 
> Anyone ever try this method? How did it work for you? Regrets?


I don't understand are you thinking about bringing your husband with you? swinging clubs usually insist on you coming as a couple besides they're not really some place you'd want to go to by yourself. If you're marraige is in trouble this isn't go to help.

I went to clubs like that on a few occassions with a previous bf. I generally found them to be satisfying sexually but quite draining. They're not somewhere you can relax, being propositioned for sex by a guy with his **** in his hand might be exciting but it quickly becomes a little intimidating when you turn him down. The mood is slightly animalistic especially when you meet people that are constantly getting rejected I think that was the most dismal aspect of it. 

The sex when it was good was out of this world and when it was bad it was horrible. All in all I don't regret the experience but when I finished with that bf I never had the desire to go again.

I think you're first goal should be to see if you can repair your marraige. If you are looking for a sex then try somewhere more low key.


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## broken regrets (Dec 31, 2008)

Sarah,

Not going with my husband. He has made it clear that he no longer has any feelings for me and wants a divorce. He had an EA with a woman at work and only came clean about it after someone sent me an anymous letter. He refuses any sort of counseling, speaking alone (will speak w/me in public), dating, etc. I have come to accept this but I am going totally crazy for sex. After so long in my marriage where sex was always available I really need this release. Now don't get me wrong, I am ok with self pleasure but sometimes you just need to get thrown down and taken...man it has been soooo long since I have had that. 

I went to a club with a girlfriend a month or so ago, comedy night. Did not do anything and really we left as things were getting crazy. So I did not partake in the activities....

Single women are allowed in this club, not single men. It is actually a decent place with a good atmosphere....well if you are not easily offended I guess.

I would love for my goal to be to repair my marriage as my family was THE most important thing in my life. I stayed at home with my child and a step duaghter and put my career on hold. Took care of all of our financials, wrote my husband's resume's and correspondence, supported him as he built a very lucrative career. I just feel so useless and undesirable somtimes. I know I am working on those feelings, in counseling and all that. I am building self esteeem, but I am so tense and just want that sexual release. The most stressful time of my life is in front of me and I just want an animal encounter to relieve it - if only for a short while. Thought the club sounded safer than sex with a stranger that you have to go to their place or off alone with them. I have been out of the dating scene so long not sure if I can still pick up on the danger signals like I used to.....


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

broken regrets said:


> Sarah,
> 
> Single women are allowed in this club, not single men. It is actually a decent place with a good atmosphere....well if you are not easily offended I guess.
> .


Thats not really how they're meant to work. Look untill you're in there surrounded by a lot of alpha males trying to get into you its hard to explain but I'd really look for other options if I were you.


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## broken regrets (Dec 31, 2008)

Thanks Sarah, I will think further about this....if anyone else has any insight into my wonderful, or possibly not so wonderful idea - let me know!


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## broken regrets (Dec 31, 2008)

Sarah, 

Also wanted to point out that I am in the states. Wonder if they are vastly different....

The one I went to had dancing and seperate rooms to go into if you were interested in getting in on the action or just watching. 

How was the club that you went to set up? Just curious...


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

broken regrets said:


> Sarah,
> 
> Also wanted to point out that I am in the states. Wonder if they are vastly different....
> 
> ...


Something similar I don't think there's any need to really get into an in depth discussion of their respective merits

I'm just puzzled as to why this seemed like a good idea. It does seem kind of bizzare to go from a troubled marraige to a swingers club.

Anywho they're not places to go unless your personal life is on an even keel.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i dont think your feelings are rational at the moment for what your personal life is going through at the moment.

i have looked into these scenes and they are an eye opener and i thought i was opened minded. i certainly didnt have a clue when it came to this side of life. i was a novice and it was very scary.


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## broken regrets (Dec 31, 2008)

OK - you are both probably right....sounded good though. :scratchhead:

I will go back and really look at reconsidering this. I appreciate the honest thoughts and warnings as to what I may be getting into.

THANKS!


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## kasidie (Jan 4, 2009)

Swingers clubs are a great place to see what the lifestyle is all about. You can google for local listings, or you can check out adult online communities like Kasidie to find out a lot more before you even visit a club.

My partner and I have been in the lifestyle since the very start of our relationship because I was "in" as a single female. I can tell you firsthand that the lifestyle won't just spice up your sex life, it can truly improve your communication. Because we've been swinging for three years, we've been through it all--jealousy, boundaries, rules or no rules, separate room play or not, full swap or soft swap. We couldn't NOT talk about these things as they came up. Now, we hardly ever fight because we are so used to talking about pretty much everything, including sex. We're not unique in this; we have dozens of friends who are in the same boat. Not everyone is full swap. Not all the woman are bisexual (as I am). Everyone has their own way of doing things, and there is no "right" way.

Since joining the lifestyle, I have been able to embrace my sexuality as a natural, creative part of my being. I'm beginning to blog about my experience, if you'd like to follow along.

I find it amazing not just to have sex with others, but to be able to watch my DH with another woman. Who needs porn when the real thing is right in front of you lol?

And don't be frightened off by dire warnings of alpha males holding their ***** coming on to you. Single males are generally not welcome at lifestyle clubs or events unless they are proven gentlemen. I was a single woman in the lifestyle for over a year, and I can tell you that 1) lifestyle men are better lover than vanillas because they aren't rushing to the finish 2) lifestyle men generally aren't going to ask to have sex with you without a condom 3) if you're just looking for sex, and you don't want to be judged for that, lifestyle websites (there are many) are full of likeminded people who think that having sex is fun, not shameful.

If you have any specific questions, I'd be happy to answer them. You can reach me through my blog.

Best,
Heather, kasidie.com


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