# confused like hell... divorce or not???



## cooltaurus (Apr 13, 2016)

Hi I am in a big deli-ma.... I been married for 10 years.... been together for 11. Little background first.... She was married before and had a son when we got married. Know he is 12 years old and i consider him my son in every way... we have another son who is 8 now... we had a love marriage... for past three years our life is miserable. everything started when her sister was found alcoholic and she blamed her for all the things. her sister was instituted... and also went through second divorce now... Things start getting bad in our family when her sister got involved a lot and and then her sister called police on me accusing me of being controlling and abusive... by the way my wife works full time and used to go out with her friends every weekend... till one day i asked her to go out with me as well.... i never swear or physically abusive on her in any way.... my only fault is when i get angry i do talk very loud .... i always want her to do whatever she wants,,,, just balance things like going out and stuff with me as well... instead she left like going out with her friends...and blamed me saying she left it for me which i never asked her to do.. she said her solution is if she doesn't want to go with me she will not go out with her friends as well.. i dont understand that logic....... and blamed me of controlling her when not once i asked her to do that... i only asked her to go out with me as well....we also went to marriage counselor... she did told me i am very affectionate and need to slow down on that... but told her to go and see her physiological evaluation... instead now she is blaming me and asking me to go for it.... its been three years and i am went through every abuse.... and now she is making stuff like i sexually abuse her and things.... people who know both of us always knows as the person who spend a lot of time with family and kids. taking them out on vacation for dinners and everything... she hates touching me and said she doesn't like to be touched.... she was always a person who even hated grabbing my hand... we have reached a point where i dont want to live in a relationship where their is no husband and wife.... she talks about family without husband and wife...what kind of family is that where we live together as a family but not as husband and wife.. we tried everything to save the marriage in last three years from counseling and talking to friends and family... but we are still at the same point... bottom line is i want more affection and love from her and she said she cannot do that and i should go and check as guys dont need affection and love their is something psychologically wrong with me.... last week she started to sleep separately saying we can not sleep together... we been sleeping in the same bed for last 10 years how can a person in one day can say from now on we cannot sleep together how heartless a person can be...... so my deli-ma is should i keep continuing to live the rest of my life like this or should i move on... definitely biggest concern is the kids and all i want is joint and shared custody on both of them... financial i do make like $15000 more then her... i am so confused should i stay in the marriage for kids for the rest of my life like this or should i move on... please suggest...


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Highly abnormal. First thing check your phone bill. Go online, takes about 30 minutes. Do this now. Smells like another man is in the mix.

You do not have a marriage.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

cooltaurus said:


> i am so confused should i stay in the marriage for kids for the rest of my life like this or should i move on... please suggest...


A third option is to stay in the marriage but fix it. 

Do you love her and are you willing to work on the marriage? By work on the marriage, I mean try all that you reasonably can and then if that does not work, then move on.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

I would say either there is another man or there are psychiatric issues. Is her sister the only one with issues in her family or do they have a history of mental problems?

Did you mean physiological or psychological evaluation?


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## cooltaurus (Apr 13, 2016)

I mean psychological evaluation.... Well her family doesn't live here they live in different country... When we did went for marriage counseling at that time she told her that she was sexually abused by by her cousin when she was young. she also blamed her first husband for addicted to porn. he is married again as well and living a normal life. now she is blaming me as well. Her Dad is kind of person is when their is a problem he will leave the city and go to different town for couple of days instead of sitting a talking about it...


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## cooltaurus (Apr 13, 2016)

When we did went for marriage counseling at that time she told her that she was sexually abused by by her cousin when she was young. We been trying to work for last three years from marriage counselings to friends and family helping us as well.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

I think there is either another man or she is suffering from some form of depression or mental illness. Ask her if she will go to marriage counseling with you and help you work on the issues in the marriage. If she refuses then bring up divorce and see what she says. Do the 180 for a while.


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## cooltaurus (Apr 13, 2016)

DanielleBennett said:


> I think there is either another man or she is suffering from some form of depression or mental illness. Ask her if she will go to marriage counseling with you and help you work on the issues in the marriage. If she refuses then bring up divorce and see what she says. Do the 180 for a while.


We did marriage counseling already. not from one but two different counselors. this is been going on for last three years.... how many marriage counselors i should go too???What you mean by 180 for a while????


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

cooltaurus said:


> We did marriage counseling already. not from one but two different counselors. this is been going on for last three years.... how many marriage counselors i should go too???What you mean by 180 for a while????


No, you have gone to enough counselors then. Talk to your wife about how you feel, the issues that you feel are going on and what you think needs to happen to fix that. Once this conversation is over, if she doesn't try to fix things then tell her that you are considering divorce and leave it at that. After that, do the 180, which means that you will treat her like a roommate, stop trying to have sex, if she wants sex deny it to her, stop saying I love you and stop doing things for her. If she wants to save the marriage she will work on herself and the issues. If she doesn't care then she will keep doing the same things. If nothing positive happens after a while then serve her with papers. You want a partner that will care about your feelings and treat you like a partner and not the enemy.


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## cooltaurus (Apr 13, 2016)

Thanks for the reply I really appreciate it... That's what we are doing exactly right now. We have decided on 2 months to see.... we are sleeping separately, we have no conversation at all....


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You are right to divorce. I also think there's a third person in your marriage.

Whatever, it's not really a marriage. Just divorce. You'll be incredibly happy, more than you have in years, when you find a person with character and no craziness. Too much affection? That's laughable. A lot of women and men are starving for it.

Divorce, you'll be happy. Most likely she never will be. Why??? Her attitude, obviously.
JMO.


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