# Tired, lonely, and anxious in my marriage but have a baby



## Themoonisfull (5 mo ago)

I have a beautiful 1 year old baby with a man I have been with for 6 years.
My husband has always been someone to get aggressive easily. Never physically but definitely with his words and energy. I have known this and we have had some awful arguments. I’ve been called every name under the sun with no apologies. I am always the one to try to resolve the issue and get back to a loving place. I have always tried to be the bigger person and admit my flaws. Now my husband is calling me stupid repeatedly and saying that all the success in our life is his and that I’m basically just along for the ride. He says he’s only with me now because of our son. I am broken hearted. I feel unappreciated. I don’t expect him to feel sorry or try to fix anything. I don’t even know how to continue. I am so tired. I work, I take care of most of the baby responsibilities. He does a lot to take care of us too. He’s very capable. He just doesn’t give me any credit… I walk on eggshells around him. He has said he’s annoyed with how I walk, how I talk, how I think, how I do chores, when I do chores, how I spend my time, etc. If he doesn’t agree with me or if we don’t understand each other somehow it’s my fault. He will say everyone would agree with him. He says a relationship therapist would side with him. He treats me like I’m crazy and stupid and I honestly feel like it’s breaking me. I know this is emotional abuse. And I know I can’t change him. He is affectionate towards our child but will yell at me or call me names in front of him, which seems wrong. I have so much anxiety and I am so alone. But we have a baby. I feel like this is a nightmare. I just want us to be good. And we have had plenty of good days and good moments, but the bad ones hurt so bad and they keep adding up. My self esteem is low. I need help. What to do.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

he been affectionate towards the child has nothing to do with he been a good father , 
HE IS DISRESPECTFULL to the child's mother which is a big reason to leave him , 
IT is just a matter of time before you divorce him , 
you need to know that this type abuse is worse than the type guy that would give his woman a black eye


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Call his bluff and invite him to make an appointment with a therapist. I bet he backs off, 'casue he knows that's B.S.
And if he does agree to counseling it's probably a good idea anyway.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Themoonisfull said:


> I have a beautiful 1 year old baby with a man I have been with for 6 years.
> My husband has always been someone to get aggressive easily. Never physically but definitely with his words and energy. I have known this and we have had some awful arguments. I’ve been called every name under the sun with no apologies. I am always the one to try to resolve the issue and get back to a loving place. I have always tried to be the bigger person and admit my flaws. Now my husband is calling me stupid repeatedly and saying that all the success in our life is his and that I’m basically just along for the ride. He says he’s only with me now because of our son. I am broken hearted. I feel unappreciated. I don’t expect him to feel sorry or try to fix anything. I don’t even know how to continue. I am so tired. I work, I take care of most of the baby responsibilities. He does a lot to take care of us too. He’s very capable. He just doesn’t give me any credit… I walk on eggshells around him. He has said he’s annoyed with how I walk, how I talk, how I think, how I do chores, when I do chores, how I spend my time, etc. If he doesn’t agree with me or if we don’t understand each other somehow it’s my fault. He will say everyone would agree with him. He says a relationship therapist would side with him. He treats me like I’m crazy and stupid and I honestly feel like it’s breaking me. I know this is emotional abuse. And I know I can’t change him. He is affectionate towards our child but will yell at me or call me names in front of him, which seems wrong. I have so much anxiety and I am so alone. But we have a baby. I feel like this is a nightmare. I just want us to be good. And we have had plenty of good days and good moments, but the bad ones hurt so bad and they keep adding up. My self esteem is low. I need help. What to do.


My first reaction without knowing more details is this:

Get away from him before it escalates.
Go somewhere safe.
Make counseling a requirement.

You're clearly in a bad place and thank goodness he hasn't raised his hand to you (yet).
You need to protect yourself and your baby.

Make counseling a requirement before you share the same space with him again, if you ever do.
In the meantime, stay away, until you see proof he is changing.

I have a friend who went through this same scenario.
She stayed away (sometimes hidden from him) for nearly a year but her H did change with intense counseling.
Now they are back together and happy.

If he won't go to counseling then file for divorce immediately. There is no other option.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Is he cheating?


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

This is not how a man behaves. At all. Ever. Let alone a married man…to his wife. This is not how love - of any kind - looks. You must know this. This should be the happiest time of your life, you’re early in your marriage…1st child. He’s taken that from you forever. Do you have family around you? This will not get better. Was he always like this? Kinda, then got worse? You do not deserve to be treated like this, at all. This is far beyond someone who’s just grouchy. Please, please, please, do not have another child with this man, and do not let your baby grow up thinking this is what marriage looks like. So sorry he’s done this to you. You know this is all wrong.


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

Themoonisfull said:


> I just want us to be good. And we have had plenty of good days and good moments, but the bad ones hurt so bad and they keep adding up. My self esteem is low. I need help. What to do.


1. you're still looking for a way to change him in order to stay with him.
As long as you do this no-one will be able to help you.
You have to get rid of this state of mind. There is no reason or excuse to stay with abusive people.
You need to change!

2. Seek some support from organisations that help women in trouble and get out of this relationship. There are plenty support groups for women everywhere. 

3. You might want or need to get mental health treatment due to your anxious personality. 
You're an anxious person and your husband is the typical counterpart to it. An abusive person.

There is no cure for your husband. And he will get abusive towards the child once your child is a certain age. 
He is nice with his child as long as the child is helpless and not a threat to him. As soon as the child starts to talk walk and gets an independent persobality he'll bash him mentally like he does with you.
Your husband is immature and as soon as the child reaches a mental maturity similar to his, they'll collide. And by this I don't mean when your child reaches adulthood. No. 
Your husband is emotionally immature means he is as mature as a small child or a teenager. This is why he gets verbally abusive and why he will never make a healthy choice in any relationship.
And no, he can't grow out of it anymore. 

You know, the people we chose as partners reflect whats good or wrong with(in) ourself. 
If you fancy staying with such a bad person, you are not in a good place.

You also admit he is abusive. Why don't your mind tells you to stay away from him then?
This would be the healthy reaction to such a situation.
But love makes fools. But usually after around 7 years people start to open their eyes. All those hormones that make us fall in love with another person dissapear and we start to see clear. At this stage most relationships fall apart, because people fall out of having a crush (not love. Love comes later, if the partner is the right one or compatible). You're already 6 years with him.

Your husband already reached this point and I think or I hope (!) you're also on your way out of this.
You made a bad choice in him and you should do anything to avoid getting pregnant from him again.
I really hope you're not sleeping with eachother anymore.

You said he was always like this (abusive).
Take responsibility for your choice and stop being his victim. You've got a child now. 
Seperate and don't stay for the child.
The child doesn't need toxic parents who aren't able to take care of there own mental wellbeing.

Just get some support. You don't wright anything abour your livibg conditions. You seem still focused on him.
Do you have family or friends who can support you?
You need to get out of being dependent on him. Financially and emotionally.


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