# Sexual Awareness Switch On?



## InLove0828 (Feb 22, 2016)

My husband and I have been together since we were 22, he is turning 41 next week. The last 8 - 10 years have been repetitive and boring in bed, and getting to the point where I could count on one hand how many times we were together in a year. Sad.

Since I turned 40, 6 months ago, I have had this building and building increase in sex drive and I am not sure what is going on. I have discussed with my husband, and he has been amazing about reinventing and rekindling our love life with me. We have completely opened up all communication in the bedroom, which has changed the way we do things, and we are finally after all these years learning more about each other. 

The problem is I cannot stop thinking about him. All day... all night... I want to be close to him and just have him touch me. I cannot stop thinking about getting him into bed. I have never felt like this before and I am worried that I am becoming 'too much' and I don't want to push him, or take a chance of ruining this great thing we have going right now... But I feel like I am not getting enough. 

I do not think about anything else, the thought of going elsewhere does not sit with me, and it isn't just about sex, it is like something has awoken in side of me and I have fallen into that deep mad love like it was in the beginning... I cannot get enough of him. Has turning 40 and rekindling our sex life turned on a crazy Sex On switch? How can I control it? Anyone else felt or feel like this?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

InLove0828 said:


> How can I control it?


Why is this bad? Many of us would love to be in your situation. What is the secret of your success?


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## InLove0828 (Feb 22, 2016)

I know, I am complaining about something great... But in the last few weeks, my focus has been off. I have been missing deadlines at work, mostly because I spend time day dreaming of what I am going to do with my husband when I get home... Or reading/researching things online to add something new... I have also missed obligations with associations I am involved in, because I would just rather get home and be with him... I have blown off family, and friends... I am not sure it is a success secret if I cannot balance my life back...


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## philreag (Apr 2, 2015)

Sounds great. Wish my wife did any of the at 40. Go for it and make yourself and husband happy.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Sounds like a perimenopause hormone rush. Enjoy it while it lasts, it'll likely taper off after a couple of years.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

ha, ha!

what a good problem to have. especially that you are obsessing about your hubby after 19 years and not some other guy.
most of the stories i read on here are about boredom in marriage and wife/husband thinking about someone else.
very refreshing to hear THIS story! for God's sake, don't think about anyone else for sure.

what does your husband think about all this? is he delighted?

i don't want to minimize your problem; if it continues to affect your work, you may have to seek counseling, like a sex therapist.
does MB relieve the tension?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

This thread needs @SimplyAmorous .


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> Sounds like a perimenopause hormone rush. Enjoy it while it lasts, it'll likely taper off after a couple of years.


That's what I'm thinking. Once you reach menopause your desire will probably slow down. Don't miss deadlines and blow off family and friends because you need to have a balance in your life. Enjoy what you have now with your husband because as he gets older his desire and what he can do in the bedroom may change too. 

I went through a little bit of this a few years ago. It was right before menopause and combined that with our children leaving the nest and both of us loosing weight both of our desires went up but it didn't effect my daily life, we just had more fun in the evenings.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

Like the others have said, good luck and enjoy while it lasts. My Marriage is at a very strained time right now and it is because I have pushed for more open communication with my wife about the physical side of our relationship because after 30 years it has gotten pretty stale. She is on the other side of the spectrum form you in that she is fine with letting our sex life die and has no intention of changing what is happening and frankly I believe it will be our undoing.

You have opened yourself up to open communication and you're reaping the benefits so enjoy it. Yes you do need work life balance but maybe a little brief temporary madness will be over looked.


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## InLove0828 (Feb 22, 2016)

jorgegene... It was odd for him at first, me too... It really came out of the blue, for him. We never discussed what we were doing in bed, out of bed. Until I read an article that convinced me: I need to say something, he needs to know what I want... And he listened, contemplated, we cried (I believed his lack of interest as a direct reflection of his interest in me, not so I found out once we talked... go figure, talking...), and discussed how we could enhance our context so that we could both enjoy again. He was completely open to 'rebuilding' with me. Now, that we have an open line to each other, HE is loving it!

MB got me through all the dry spells the last 8 years... It does seem to relieve some tension. But there is still the nagging something, eating at me that just wants him.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

InLove0828 said:


> I do not think about anything else, the thought of going elsewhere does not sit with me, and it isn't just about sex, it is like something has awoken in side of me and I have fallen into that deep mad love like it was in the beginning... I cannot get enough of him. Has turning 40 and rekindling our sex life turned on a crazy Sex On switch? How can I control it? Anyone else felt or feel like this?


While I am not a woman and can not answer as to why you feel the way you do, other than based on research. Generally speaking it is thought that many women have a renewed interest in sex is for one or more of the following reasons:

• Reproductive cycles are nearing an end.
• Efforts to raise children no longer require as much effort.
• Fear of pregnancy is not an issue. 

It is also well known that women sometimes have a renewed interest in sexuality once menstruation cycles end primarily because of the last two reasons listed above. If throughout your life, sex has been a positive experience, it will continue to be. In the event you have had negative experiences, sexuality may continue to become more negative. Research also indicates that an active and positive sexual response throughout the later years has many benefits. 

As for an aging male, variety is important to reinvigorate his response. What is important to understand is that you should not force him to enjoy himself, but focus your efforts on showing him new ways to please you and make it a pleasant experience for him. He should respond to that, but he should not feel that he is required to respond sexually. So you will have to be very careful not to make him feel inadequate if and when he does not respond. You do need to make him feel like you care about him be responding with the same amount of touch that you request from him. Just realize that he is not responding sexually that touches such as a great back rub and complimenting the quality of your relationship may be what he needs in place of being touched sexually. 

*Bottom line, be confident, share your sexuality with him, and allow him to respond on his own terms.*

If you force him to get him aroused for your own pleasure, that will be counterproductive. You can and should gently see if he responds, and welcome his desire to please you even if he may not be fully aroused.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## InLove0828 (Feb 22, 2016)

Thank you for that insight to his side. I will absolutely keep that in mind.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

What was that they say about looking at a gifthorse in the mouth? If this happened to my wife about 20 years ago it could quite likely have saved our marriage. 

Count your blessings, it's a good problem to have.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

InLove0828 said:


> Since I turned 40, 6 months ago, I have had this building and building increase in sex drive and I am not sure what is going on.
> 
> The problem is I cannot stop thinking about him.
> 
> ...


Yes, most men between puberty and probably 60ish + or -.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

anonmd said:


> Yes, most men between puberty and probably 60ish + or -.


Truth.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Fozzy said:


> This thread needs @SimplyAmorous .


Ha ha.. I am running out with the family real soon.. but Yeah.. I need to come back to this thread... I've completely been there @InLove0828 ... although I felt kinda tormented with LUST.. husband couldn't keep up.. yet still.. it was the most thrilling, passionate awakening... for both of us.. 

For some reason not a whole lot of Peri-menopause articles speak on this... the insane drive that hits some of us (I assume THIS is a part of)....Seems to happen to random women.... our sex drive suddenly explodes on us...and our husbands need to hold on for the ride!! 

I talked about my experience on this thread.... another female poster who went through this... 

>> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/39859-anyone-else-women-their-prime-high-sex-drive.html...


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## strow (Feb 22, 2016)

Definitely hormonal changes premenopause.

Things will settle down for the meantime, enjoy!


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Let this give you some insight at what it's like for most boys / men between the ages of 13 and 35.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

InLove0828 said:


> My husband and I have been together since we were 22, he is turning 41 next week. * The last 8 - 10 years have been repetitive and boring in bed, and getting to the point where I could count on one hand how many times we were together in a year. Sad*.


 Just a question here.. getting back to this thread.. whose fault would you say this was.. both of you... who had the higher drive the last 10 yrs...and how did they handle that.. and how did the other.. was "*rejection*" going on at all?

In our marriage.. I felt completely satisfied with our sex life for the 1st 19 yrs.. If I didn't , I would have made waves.. & opened that up.. pretty loudly...(that's just me)...
My husband was not one to introduce new variety.. he was simply a "Making love" man.. very generous with foreplay... and he always "got me there"... looking back.. this was "enough" for me ... He's been my only lover (and I his) so what did we know. 
It wasn't until this sex drive increase (for me age 42)... that I realized.. 
.. there is so much we haven't done, explored.. what in the world was WRONG with us..our time is NOW ! 

He was "game" but there were things I wanted from him.. he couldn't do... like getting rougher in bed.. 

For some reason this sex drive increase brought this on within me ..I've heard this same phenomenon from another TAM poster this happened to....this has slowly dissipated over the last 7 yrs...as my drive has come back down to normal... Interesting. 



> S*ince I turned 40, 6 months ago, I have had this building and building increase in sex drive and I am not sure what is going on. I have discussed with my husband, and he has been amazing about reinventing and rekindling our love life with me. We have completely opened up all communication in the bedroom, which has changed the way we do things, and we are finally after all these years learning more about each other. *


 so your husband was GAME too... so basically.. if we could call this a "mid life crisis" of sorts (I have)... this has been the Best thing to ever HIT your marriage then.

I felt similar.. it was surely the most EROTIC thing to hit us.. and some of the best yrs of our life.. even with my getting bent out of shape now & then over wanting more. ..I ended up sending my husband to get his Testosterone checked.. since I found it frustrating he couldn't keep up.. I had to downplay why we were REALLY there..truth is...neither of us would have noticed anything different had this not come upon me.. He didn't need Test therapy but we did learn his #'s were on the low side for men his age.. which probably explained why he was never the aggressive type. 



> *The problem is I cannot stop thinking about him. All day... all night... I want to be close to him and just have him touch me. I cannot stop thinking about getting him into bed. I have never felt like this before and I am worried that I am becoming 'too much' and I don't want to push him, or take a chance of ruining this great thing we have going right now... But I feel like I am not getting enough. *


 *How does your husband feel ?*.... I felt the same way..it was purely overkill... but I loved it.. even FED it.. though it would have been tormenting if my husband didn't INVITE IT.. 

I was soooo open about it.. I remember writing this 2 page letter -about this .. it was dripping with eroticism , all the things I wanted to do to him...and us go forth together.. but also I apologized for the past.. as I felt my eyes were suddenly opened.. (in our past, so I learned he ALWAYS wanted more sex.. and I wasn't 'getting it")... he was very passive though... we were both at fault.. just in different ways..

But I spoke to him how I felt like such a BURDEN... so needy... never forget this moment.. he laughed at me , and said "Sex a burden.. are you crazy [email protected]#".. ..I just felt the Love wash over me.. but still the truth of the matter was.. he couldn't satisfy my insatiable desire... I bought my 1st toys, trying to leave him alone.. 

I cried the day he told me to put them away.. to come to him every time.... I couldn't have asked for a more caring husband.. his attitude was amazing through this.... he, in turn, showed more vulnerability with me... I think my insatiable NEED of him.. allowed him to open up more.. I mean for him.. this was a dream come true.. just wish it happened earlier in our marriage.. ya know..



> *I do not think about anything else, the thought of going elsewhere does not sit with me, and it isn't just about sex, it is like something has awoken in side of me and I have fallen into that deep mad love like it was in the beginning... I cannot get enough of him. Has turning 40 and rekindling our sex life turned on a crazy Sex On switch? How can I control it? Anyone else felt or feel like this?*


 I couldn't control my thoughts...everything I heard.. if I could make it dirty somehow.. I would.. it didn't matter how I ate.. that I hardly needed sleep, I remember suddenly EVERYTHING seemed MUNDANE , BORING ...like a chore outside of touching, sex, doing him... We'd call it my "Fix"... (Might as well Joke about it !)..... if I'd get moody....he knew I just needed LAID.... 

Forget movies... I wanted to watch porn! this was also something NEW, I've always been this conservative woman.. thinking that was a NO NO.. now I wanted to RENT IT!.... setting my eyes on pleasuring a man was like "ELECTRIC" to me.... I also started to feel .. I didn't even care if we were fighting.. just F*** me... that was a little scary.. 

Through this.. I realized how Young men feel in their teens, early 20's.. they don't really care about the emotional connection, they are just DRIVEN to get it on. I've always been one who NEEDED the emotional connection, could control myself.. but this was like a ongoing FIRE... 

Crazy time.. I was beginning to think I went Bi-polar & had some sort of obsessive Hyper sexuality.. this lasted 8 full months.. not a drop of foreplay was needed.. then it started to lesson... coming down from the clouds. 

I did go see my OBGYN .. told her "WOW not sure what happened to me.. but I can't get enough!"... she just told me to enjoy it.. I didn't push getting my hormones checked ... though there was clearly something at play.. I was HOT to touch, like my body had a Fever (but it did!).. husband would complain I was heating him up.. also my underarms took on this fouler smell , didn't matter how many showers I had.. kinda like teen boys in puberty... the constant wetness/ arousal... I also felt like I was walking on air....no aches & pains anywhere.... I felt fantasti.... I even felt my confidence boosted.. 

These are all symptoms of higher testosterone.. I was reading books on hormones during this too.. worried about my husband's being too low & mine being too high!

You are not alone.. This too shall pass..


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Funny enough, something similar happened to my wife last year. There was a good 2-3 week stretch where she was all over me, couldn't stop thinking about me. She even made a comment that she now knows what it must be like for a guy to have sex on his mind 24/7. Unfortunately, I have absolutely no clue where this sudden burst from her (she was 36 at the time so I don't believe it is anything related to pre menopause) came from b/c as quick as it showed up it just as quickly disappeared, and I probably have a better chance of finding the Loch ness monster then seeing that side of her again. As much as it was fun at the time, it actually kinda sucked b/c I saw what things could be only to revert back to the usual crap lol.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

In the last 15 years there have been a couple periods of intense need for my wife, once for about 10 days and once for a couple months. Add to that a handful of times she has sought me out wherever I was and basically said, "do me NOW" . The 10 day period was more primal, 2 or 3 times a day for some of those. The couple month period less so but she was receptive quite often. 

That's it, enjoy this period while it lasts and remember what it was like when it ends.


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## Mom2-3 (Feb 24, 2016)

Wow you sound like me!! I can't get enough of my husband either. ???


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

OliviaG said:


> The good news: she's getting close to 40...hang on!!!


If I have to wait it out another 3 years for hope of the switch coming on the only thing I might be holding on to is the noose around my neck lol.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

OliviaG said:


> I hear you Ellis. I'm struggling with waiting just a few months. Feeling at times like I might not be able to take it.


 Saw your update on your other thread as well.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I still feel like this at 49 and post menopause. If you have had a good, healthy attitude to sex for your adult life then it does not have to decline. It is a mind thing not so much a hormone thing.


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

Holland said:


> I still feel like this at 49 and post menopause. If you have had a good, healthy attitude to sex for your adult life then it does not have to decline. It is a mind thing not so much a hormone thing.


As I have hit my 40s that message is inspiring
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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