# Move-out day. Need support



## tam8145 (Apr 6, 2011)

Today is move-out day for my cheating wife. My emotions are all over the place. I'm excited to begin moving on, but I'm sad my wife is too fogged up to realize what she is doing to my family. We have been in the same house for 5 weeks since D-day and it's pins-&-needles tough. I'm excited to be free in my house without her in our bedroom talking to OM and having FaceTime sex, or whatever it is they are doing all night. 
With advice from this forum and friends/family, I asked my wife to leave about 4 weeks ago. At first she resisted, but then agreed and started looking for apartments. During this whole process, I thought she was just testing me and didn't really plan to move out. I thought she would come out of the fog before she actually tore apart our 2 kids ages 9 and 5. Nope. I've been on a hard 180 for the last 4 weeks, hasn't changed anything. 2 days ago, we mutually signed my separation agreement and had it notarized. We agreed on 50/50 kids and no child support either way. 
I am about 70% to 75% gone myself. There has been too much damage. I'm still interested in reconcile, but now that she's actually moving out to continue the affair, my last bit of hope may evaporate. Several posters suggest filing D for a shock, but I'm not ready for that yet. I'm torn on dating. If I date, will it help or hurt? I've seen posters say both ways. 
At this time my plan is to get her out of the house (today) and gauge her actions over the next 2-3 months. I know she cannot afford this, so another hope is OM drops persuit and she hits bottom with money. But does that really compell a disloyal to come back home??
Btw, I refused to participate in move-out day. I will be out of the house all day. 
Today I need prayers for my family - including my small children. Also, I need support. Thanks,
JC
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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

It's never easy, is it? I hope the day goes as well as it can. Take time after to relax some! It sounds like it's kind of out of your control right now. Sorry you are going through this!


tam8145 said:


> Today is move-out day for my cheating wife. My emotions are all over the place. I'm excited to begin moving on, but I'm sad my wife is too fogged up to realize what she is doing to my family. We have been in the same house for 5 weeks since D-day and it's pins-&-needles tough. I'm excited to be free in my house without her in our bedroom talking to OM and having FaceTime sex, or whatever it is they are doing all night.
> With advice from this forum and friends/family, I asked my wife to leave about 4 weeks ago. At first she resisted, but then agreed and started looking for apartments. During this whole process, I thought she was just testing me and didn't really plan to move out. I thought she would come out of the fog before she actually tore apart our 2 kids ages 9 and 5. Nope. I've been on a hard 180 for the last 4 weeks, hasn't changed anything. 2 days ago, we mutually signed my separation agreement and had it notarized. We agreed on 50/50 kids and no child support either way.
> I am about 70% to 75% gone myself. There has been too much damage. I'm still interested in reconcile, but now that she's actually moving out to continue the affair, my last bit of hope may evaporate. Several posters suggest filing D for a shock, but I'm not ready for that yet. I'm torn on dating. If I date, will it help or hurt? I've seen posters say both ways.
> At this time my plan is to get her out of the house (today) and gauge her actions over the next 2-3 months. I know she cannot afford this, so another hope is OM drops persuit and she hits bottom with money. But does that really compell a disloyal to come back home??
> ...


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## AnthonyC (May 3, 2011)

Stay strong buddy. My wife is moving out this weekend, and the anxiety is killing me. I am unable to focus, unable to work. The positive side is we can start rebuilding our homes... I have been living out of a suitcase for 2 months now, and I can't wait to get home and start building my man cave again.

Our wives left us buddy, only advice I can give is do whatever is right by you. (Cliche I know)
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## girltrax101 (May 6, 2011)

I will be in your position 2 months from now...only I have to move out. I'll be watching your threads on how you're coping with it all....best wishes from a stranger.


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## tam8145 (Apr 6, 2011)

Update: my cheating wife moved out yesterday and today. She took 1/2 our stuff and I have a big empty house. I understand the fog creates a sense of entitlement to her. Anyway, I have spent the last 3 hours rearranging and cleaning our bedroom. All I have is the bed, 1 nightstand and a chair. It's been somewhat therapeutic and I feel like I'm honestly moving on. She has the kids tonight for mothers day and I'm feeling lonely, but strong.
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## ptp (Apr 29, 2011)

my wife moved out two weeks ago....strangest day of my life....she packed and i left for the day...i just couldn't watch it happen....i came back and its as if she didnt take anything, its all still here except essentials. I've been do the 180 as best i can....and f%^k me thats hard to do....but day by day, step by step i feel good about it.

Stay firm....not only is the 180 our best chance to get it back....its also the best way to move forward, with or without them. Lean on my friends...talk it out with people....and i support my wife leaving. It had to be damned hard for her to pack up and leave her house and turn her life upside down....but *IT IS* the best thing that could have happened at this point.

Only good days ahead...


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

You will be surprised at how quickly those empty spots in your house will fill up. The very same month my Ex took his share of the household furnishing , (e.g., the bedroom set except for cal king bed which was too big for apartment) my friend and her husband called me up and asked me to meet them at their storage unit. They had offered me a bedroom set and I almost started crying because it was a very nice set. I asked them several times if they were certain they wanted to give it to me. Their answer was that if I didn’t take it, they were just going to donate it somewhere. To this day I still suspect their answer was a way to make me feel better about accepting such a generous gift. 

Anyhow, it took both of our trucks to bring the pieces for this bedroom furniture home. I spent the entire rest of the afternoon in the garage polishing them up. My Ex showed up to drop off our son just as I was trying to figure out how in the world I was going to get the last two largest pieces into the bedroom by myself. He is not a complete inconsiderate jerk, so he offered to help me move them in. I’d had a great day and the noticeable envy in his comments regarding how nice the furniture was made for an even better ending to it.

We move on. The empty spots you feel in your heart and see in your house will eventually no longer be there.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

ptp, If my wife was having a blatent affair like that, I would have booted her out straight away. Mine hit me with the D word last weekend but for other reasons - she says I am no fun to be around. I won't try to convince her to change her mind so it's more of a mutual agreement but one thing is for sure, it would be ugly if she was talking to the OM while this was going on. I am a reasonable guy, but your wife doing what she is doing to you with the OM, is just plain disrespectful and spiteful to you. I wish you luck; I too am looking forward in a way to being able to move on. Hopefully, I can manage that, I've been married a long time and I've forgotten what's it's like not to be married.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Tam I experienced this 12 years ago and am soon to be going through it again with the same husband!

I was working while he was getting ready to go. Came home he hugged me told me he would miss us all and the house, and went as if everything was ok. Off to carry on an affair (which did not work out).

I took my young daughter to my friends, had a few glasses of wine. Her husband carried my daughter who had fallen asleep home. We slept together in my bed that night.

It was a kind of relief, after the anticiaption. 

What helped me was an idea from a magazine that I read at the opticians, by a life coach. I decided on 4 areas of my life I wanted to change. 

I can't remember them all now, but one was my finances, and another was career prospects, and another was sorting the house to sell it. I got a piece of paper and folded itinto 4 and in each quarter I entered the thing I wanted to change. Each week I wrote down one small managable steptowards achieving that goal that i cld and ticked it off.. it worked for me.

Small steps such as getting a college prospectus (which eventually led me to get qualified enough to embark on a university course, which I completed),and ringing for an appt with the bank

I set about doing something in my home later (few weeks) to take out my frustration and make it *my* home. I knocked all the plaster off a wall and uncovered a an old brick fire place. Decorated the room as cheaply as I cld. Pinned on the wall the details of the estate agent and photographed my progress from a pile of ruble to, a new room. Pinned them on the wall as i went along as well. This was a good one to do as it gave me something to do when I had to stay, in as children in bed.

The idea is by setting goals, and achieving small stepss you can focus on what you are managing to change for yourself, istead of the overwhelming things you cannot.

You will get through this, and as I am coming to this again I will folow this thread as well for support!


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## tam8145 (Apr 6, 2011)

Reindeer - 2 days without my cheating wife in the house has brought quite a bit of relief. Past 2 mornings I have woke up in my bed and I'm not hiding to avoid her. I feel like the move-out is the catalyst to begin the healing and re-starting. It's getting better for me and my 2 kids.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

That is good to hear Tam just remember it will be up and down for a long time. But each time I have a bad time, I remember that the day before was not so bad. Still not clear when my H moving out, but no chance of reconcilliation while he is here. Take it day by day. I take a lot of comfort from this website, and am always keento follow people's stories, although I rarely feel able to give advice!


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

reading this is helping me not call my H. He moved to an apt a few weeks ago, took his clothes, but not much else. We still haven't told our grown kids, but today I texted him that I was sick, and except for a "oh, thats bad" earlier today, no word. I so want him to take care of me, but I need to be strong and realize that is not going to happen. I can take care of myself, can't I?


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Sadand, yes you will get through this. I get awful times. Iwent to bed at 7 on Sunday and cried myself to sleep, but was up at 5.45 to go to work, and the day was a bit better.

I keep trying to reframe my situation, see people worse off than me. I work in 'care' so it is on a daily basis. It helps me, as well as this site!

Am looking before I go to work.


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