# What would you change in your partner



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon ladies
If you had a magic wand to change something about your partner, what would it be? What would make your life happier, or what are you missing?


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Good question! I want to answer this without going into the details of my marriage so I'll say this:

Effort. Effort to work on things. Effort to improve things. Effort to understand. Effort to seek solutions.

Fearlessness. Fearlessly looking at himself and fearlessly identifying what could change, what should change and what must change.


----------



## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

What I would like to change in my partner:

Drinking: He is a functioning alcoholic. I would like for him to stop self medicating & seek help for that.

Compassion/Empathy: He seems to shut down on me in this department. It's like he is afraid to feel.

If he could fix the 2 above, I think our marriage would be in much better shape.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Selfishness & Sexualness


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Thanks , 
From a guy who can't get this kind of feedback.
MN


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> Good question! I want to answer this without going into the details of my marriage so I'll say this:
> 
> Effort. Effort to work on things. Effort to improve things. Effort to understand. Effort to seek solutions.
> 
> Fearlessness. Fearlessly looking at himself and fearlessly identifying what could change, what should change and what must change.


Those are two major aspects of a person's personality.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

richardsharpe said:


> Good afternoon ladies
> If you had a magic wand to change something about your partner, what would it be? What would make your life happier, or what are you missing?


this is a dangerous question to ask


----------



## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Selfishness & Sexualness


Care to go into it detail? I don't follow. 

I only ask because I am sure my wife would give her left boob for me to be a LD husband.


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

homedepot said:


> Care to go into it detail? I don't follow.
> 
> I only ask because I am sure my wife would give her left boob for me to be a LD husband.


She is HD like me and wants her husband to be more sexual.

As for what I'd like to change in my husband: the way he handles stress. It has effected every aspect of our marriage and caused so many issues, one of which being him pulling away and acting low drive.


----------



## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

His temper and his unwillingness to throw away things that he hasn't used or looked at for years.

He tolerates my faults, though, so I put up with his.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If I had a magic wand..it would only need waved in one area...oh I could think of a few more that could be tweaked I suppose...

We only fight over *1* thing.. he knows what it is ...and so does all of TAM, it's what brought me here.. so whatever.. I accept him as he is .. also he accepts that I can be a little difficult to please at times...so in reality...we're EVEN !..

In every other area.. I have no complaints... only praise... which I think is pretty damn rare.. so I'll keep him..and hold him tight.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Sometimes I wish I could make him more emotional. But that sounds risky. 

Better just accept him how he is, I think.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

There are 2 areas I would like to see some improvement with my wife. Things I posted about here and things that my wife has taken seriously and working hard on addressing as we speak.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Lon said:


> Anon Pink said:
> 
> 
> > Good question! I want to answer this without going into the details of my marriage so I'll say this:
> ...


I think there is some truth to what you say Lon but I don't think the degree to which a person shows effort and or fearlessness is set in stone. I think an adult can tweak it here and there. 

Certainly a laid back easy going guy isn't likely to change himself into a type A personality, but he could learn to be less passive and even more proactive in some areas of his life. 

Do you agree with that?


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I would fully restore her health. She'd have fewer challenges and difficulties to face every day.


----------



## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

The non-selfish thing would be to heal his diabetes. I don't wish a chronic, life-long illness on anyone.

The other thing would be for him to heal from his troubles with his mother and make peace with it. I think she may be a narcissist and if so, he was the scapegoat child. I know that her lack of affection towards him in favour of her other two kids hurt/still hurts him.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: What would you change in your partner*



Anon Pink said:


> I think there is some truth to what you say Lon but I don't think the degree to which a person shows effort and or fearlessness is set in stone. I think an adult can tweak it here and there.
> 
> Certainly a laid back easy going guy isn't likely to change himself into a type A personality, but he could learn to be less passive and even more proactive in some areas of his life.
> 
> Do you agree with that?


So a better question for this thread would be: what would you like your partner to change about theirself?


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Lon said:


> So a better question for this thread would be: what would you like your partner to change about theirself?


And my answer would be the same....

Specifically, I'd like him to lose weight and get in shape. Show consistent effort in that area and not just for one week every few months.

I'd like him to be more passionate about life and experiences.

I'd like him to be more fearless in terms of going after what he wants. He is a gentle soul who always concerns himself with how other people perceive him, his words and his actions. I'd like to be more fearless at times and sometimes say, "I don't give a sh!t what they think!"

How's that for specific generalities?


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Lon said:


> So a better question for this thread would be: what would you like your partner to change about theirself?


That is a more practical question since (AFAIK) none of us possess miraculous powers. 

If I could wave a magic wand, I'd make my wife quit beating herself up for every minor mistake she's made in life because nothing short of magic will ever change that.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon all
I think it is interesting and very nice that no one wanted their partners to be richer, or more attractive, or anything minor.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: What would you change in your partner*



Anon Pink said:


> And my answer would be the same....
> 
> Specifically, I'd like him to lose weight and get in shape. Show consistent effort in that area and not just for one week every few months.
> 
> ...


I guess I take the problem to not mean what would you change about a person, but what obstacles do you wish you could help them overcome.

Your specifics sound fine, but are those things about him he wants to change about himself? Are they attributes about him that just wont change, or are they merely obstacles he struggles to overcome in order to make the life he wants for himself?

I have the gentleness you say your H has, and people that love me have often advised me to stop caring what others think about me. But I actually feel offended when they say that because even though they may feel they are trying to help me overcome an obstacle, it feels deep down to me more like rejection of who I really am, and the more I hear the same advice to others the more it makes me feel that my attributes are somehow worth less to the world than people with attributes that lead to selfishness and even cruelty.

This is why I suggested to richardsharpe that it was a dangerous question, because it puts into question the composition of certain qualities that make up a person on the whole.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Lon said:


> I guess I take the problem to not mean what would you change about a person, but what obstacles do you wish you could help them overcome.
> 
> Your specifics sound fine, but are those things about him he wants to change about himself? Are they attributes about him that just wont change, or are they merely obstacles he struggles to overcome in order to make the life he wants for himself?
> 
> ...


Excellent thoughts Lon, thanks for sharing them!

In terms of worrying about how others perceive you, there are times when it is a fantastic asset! Undoubtedly! I just wish he could more judiciously decide to turn it off, or at least not allow his carefully weighed words hamper his ability to fully communicate what he wants or how he feels. Like the proverbial Nice Guy, I want him to be just as concerned about his feelings as he is about how other people might feel about him.

Said to him just this morning: "the guy is a ********* just for asking! Just tell him no and move on. " After agonizing all night about how to reply to a friend who asked to bring his son to an adults only get together.

I can't say whether he would view my list of magic wand wishes as an insult or as something he agrees with and wishes to change. I do know that he feels I should accept him as he is.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

homedepot said:


> Care to go into it detail? I don't follow.
> 
> I only ask because I am sure my wife would give her left boob for me to be a LD husband.


He is lower drive than me and it causes a lot of grief in our marriage because he is rather selfish about it.

That is really the one thing I would change about him. He completes me in every other way.


----------



## TrishaC. (Aug 8, 2014)

I would change his lack of cleaning or even picking up after himself. I'm borderline OCD about how I live and he's the opposite. So I'm stuck running double time to pick up his slack. He has two jobs 1. Pick up dog poop 2. Take out the trash. I can't remember the last time he has done either of those.


----------



## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

He could work more on empathy. Other than that, I would change nothing. I love all about him.


----------



## sexy (Jul 29, 2012)

Wow,

Other than manners, family involvement, physical stamina, body fat, eating habits, and excessive computer usage. . . Nothing


----------



## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good afternoon all
> I think it is interesting and very nice that no one wanted their partners to be richer, or more attractive, or anything minor.


Not here, my husband is overweight, bald and average looking. We are middle class, and are always on a budget. No extra cash and I'm fine with that. I would love if my husband had a higher sex drive or any sex drive would be nice. He has ED and a low t count. He is affectionate in that we kiss and hug often but he rarely wants to kiss more passionately or be more intimate in bed with me. He always says "I just don't have the desire" It hurts to be rejected even when he tells me that it's not me he doesn't desire and I shouldn't take it personally.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I wish my hb would actually face and deal with issues rather than bury his head and pretend he has no idea what's going on and make small talk about stupid things when the elephant is blocking his view because it's so big. He's extremely conflict averse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Happilymarried25 said:


> Not here, my husband is overweight, bald and average looking. We are middle class, and are always on a budget. No extra cash and I'm fine with that. I would love if my husband had a higher sex drive or any sex drive would be nice. He has ED and a low t count. He is affectionate in that we kiss and hug often but he rarely wants to kiss more passionately or be more intimate in bed with me. He always says "I just don't have the desire" It hurts to be rejected even when he tells me that it's not me he doesn't desire and I shouldn't take it personally.


My husband must have read my mind. When I got into bed last night assuming we would just be cuddling he surprised me by kissing me passionately, taking off my clothes and lets just say we had a lot of fun. He had taking Viagra and while he still wasn't able to perform it was a great night!


----------

