# Pleading & Begging, why it won't work



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I have been thinking, since I can't get my mind off things (also Oxy's kicking... back injury) I thought I'd think about things. 

Sometimes I go into analysis mode. 

Why begging and pleading works AGAINST you, even though logically speaking, seems like it should work. 

If your spouse is leaving you, most of the time it seems, they're leaving you for something/someone else, right? Whether it be to be single, or to be with a man they think is better. 

When you beg and plead to a spouse like that, it strengthens their self image and boosts confidence in everything, from what they THINK they want, and confidence in getting what they are after. 

If they think they're going to find someone else (not an OP yet)
they think they're going after BETTER! SO! When you beg and plead, it makes them believe they are worth it!

IF they are going because they already have a OP, they already feel that it's the better choice, right? AGAIN! Begging and Pleading enforces their decision that they ARE BETTER and makes them believe it true, so they go after what they think is better.

Just some thoughts I was putting together. We always hear people say it pushes them away, and it seems some people don't understand why. So this is how I perceive it.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

impulsive decisions result is short term success.
find yourself and fight the beasts.
what's in this for you?


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Even knowing this then didn't help me one bit. I could have given Niagara falls a run for its money.


----------



## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

Yes, but when you stop begging and pleading , act happy and get you self another girl then they star questioning them self :

Why is so worth it ?
So quick and another woman "catch " him ? 

They must be fighting for him , but why ? Is my decision right ?

If other woman like him ... huh ? 

Who is that other woman ? 

Is she cuter then me ?

Is she better then me ? Huh ? 

This is in the case woman is the dumper ! 


When I left my first W , she could walk on water or go out with a different men every night or do not 180 but 180000 I didn't care , I just wanted to get rid of her !


----------



## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

I can't seem to do the 180. My wife has left me 4 times over the past 3 years. She has BPD (professionally diagnosed). She impulsively leaves me. Now she says she is filing for divorce afer the holidays. She says she wants to start dating again and enjoys being single... For the life of me, I can't figure out why I am in so much love with her. She has cheated on me, doesn't give me the emotional affection I need but I still would risk my life for her... I hate that I beg her to not divorce me, but I do. And it does seem to give her POWER over me... and I can tell she likes it.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Ostera said:


> I can't seem to do the 180. My wife has left me 4 times over the past 3 years. She has BPD (professionally diagnosed). She impulsively leaves me. Now she says she is filing for divorce afer the holidays. She says she wants to start dating again and enjoys being single... For the life of me, I can't figure out why I am in so much love with her. She has cheated on me, doesn't give me the emotional affection I need but I still would risk my life for her... I hate that I beg her to not divorce me, but I do. And it does seem to give her POWER over me... and I can tell she likes it.


O, 

My husband has walked out on me countless times and I mean literally countless...I have went and gotten him 'every single damn time'...he never ever ONCE came home on his own. YES...it gives them power...I've learned just how co-dependant I really am and just how much power I actually gave... it's like I fed him the sh*t. He's got an ego anyway...I mean he's hot and cut and 'all that'...knows it...blah blah blah...and I also fed his ego and boosted it being a loving doting wife...and when he walked all over me and walked out on me I did the pleading and the begging and the go getting...he wasn't leaving me for someone else though... (in the beginning before we married however he was going back and forth between me and his ex fiance') but I mean in our marriage there wasn't anyone else...but yea...is sure sh*t does feed their ego and give them power. 

As much as I want to 'fix' us...and want my marriage and I watch him 'moving on' here at work...it kills me and I want to run to him...I'm doing a hard 180. HE wrote that damn 180 list too and an expert at the 'ignoring'...seriously... he thrives on it... he gets off on avoiding me....he thinks its even funny because he knows it causes me pain... 

Anyway... I think I went off on a bit of a tangeant here...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Point is...try try try...to do the 180...I have to keep saying it in my head...180 180 180 ...and even when I text about bills....to keep it short and 'bill' related...or when a close co worker is in my midst to try to 'not' third party conversate...it's hard...180 180 180....

I'm a chaser..a begger.. a pleader.. a fixer.....I CANNOT do it anymore... join me.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

i can say this, if you told him YOU were leaving, is there any other woman who would put up with that $h!t. I seriously doubt it.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> i can say this, if you told him YOU were leaving, is there any other woman who would put up with that $h!t. I seriously doubt it.


Me? If I told him I was leaving? 

I'm not understanding...

...at work lack of sleep... clarify...


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

he always leaves-you chase-ego shot
you leave-see what he does
he will find it hard to find another woman to put up with that crap


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> he always leaves-you chase-ego shot
> you leave-see what he does
> he will find it hard to find another woman to put up with that crap


I can't leave...he already left me... lol! 

He's already moved in with mom and dad...aaaagain. 

Not going to get him...he says he wants out...I'm letting him out... 

hurts...but doing it..


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I can't leave...he already left me... lol!
> 
> He's already moved in with mom and dad...aaaagain.
> 
> ...


yes, Just don'e WANT him anymore.Treat them OBJECT like(I know it sounds sad).But then we cannot get all the STUFF,so we stop WANTING them.


----------

