# trying to stay strong



## young and restless (Mar 29, 2011)

Hello I am new here and could use all the advice I can get:

me - I am the wife. I attended the top 19th (at the time, now prob higher) university in the US, I still have credits until the official degree - now 7 years later. I got wrapped up with the job and did not put priority on school plus I owed too much. I started at 32K living in Boston, Massachusetts in USA. I stayed at that job for 4 years making 40K when I left. Left that job to start making 52.5K. Stayed at that job for 1.5years and left to be a program manager making 65K (where I am at now and LOVE this job). I am 28 years old. We married 7/2010. I started off making hardly anything but have now been the bread winner for four to five years.

husband - came to the USA when he was 20. Attended highschool for one year and graduated from a not great school but with a reading/literature award. Worked odd jobs but making decent money due to citizenship paperwork. From 2004 to 2006 when I was barely making anything he made 60K and was the breadwinner. After losing his job and suing company in 2006 has not held a job for more than 2 years due to economy and has been off and on unemployment (he is a US citizen now). He is in school and will graduate with BS in accounting and finance next year. In spare time has his own radio show and HUGE community/political activist. Though not employed works hard in school and activism work and cleans, cooks, tucks me in every night with a hug and a kiss, and works out so has a great body - use to model and is gorgeous and has never cheated and is very conservative when it comes to sex. He will get creative with me and would be disgusted at idea of strip clubs, threesome all that. Which is good for me! He has a good head on his shoulder and is very moral.

Problems: He is not good with money. I read all the consumer reports and financial articles and invested in 401k from I was 23 bc company matched 100%. We did not save hardly when he was making 60K and I was making 32K but we traveled and enjoyed life. When I transfered job I did not transfer 401k but instead used money to pay bills I could not keep up with bc at this time he was unemployed. He credit score is fair but definitely needs to be better to buy a house. Mine is destroyed bc I couldn't keep up with student loans. We decided I would handle finances. I made a binder tracking all finances so bills are paid on time but still having trouble saving. The problem now is I am frustrated bc I want my house before 30 (I have a year), I need to rebuild 401k, I need to restore credit, I want a baby. He really needs to get a job because even something that pays 40k would get us in 6 figures (105k) and all his paychecks could go into savings account. I am thinking of getting a partime job to pay off two credit cards both totaling 5500k combined. He is christian, doesn't drink, but now is so busy with studying and radio show and activism work he is hardly home until late at night, too tired to have sex with me, and pays no attention to the bills. He is on the brink of a major opportunity bc is meeting celebrities to do interviews with them and reach out to them for their support in his activism work (though he has accomplished a lot in the two years he started the activism work before he was all school) but it is frustrating living on a hope and a dream I just need him to get a job so I can lower my blood pressure and be happy again - and pay for things for my parents and send them on trip. Sometimes I am happy and proud and days like today I am so depressed. I need to encourage him but I feel like he is living his dream and while I love my job I am the only one doing an 8hr work day. I feel bad because he is working more than 8 hrs studying and radio show and meetings and so forth but it is hard to appreciate when no money is linked to all that work. Should I stay supportive of my otherwise wonderful husband and just work it out? Have I made any accomplishments at 28? Will I ever own a home and restore my credit - how long? I can't have kids until I have a home that is for sure. Am I being a spoiled brat? Sometimes I want to just get up and divorce him and be all by myself and then when he has things in line we get back together - I dunno. I swear we need to save and pay off debt and I need his salary to do that. He is so talented but cannot get hired. What do I do?


----------

