# If wife can't orgasm - then what?



## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

I have some questions for you guys. 

If your wife developed a permanent physical condition (from surgery, menopause, etc) that kept her from being able to have orgasms, how would you feel?

What would you want her to do as far as your sex life is concerned? 

I keep hearing about pity sex and how men don't want that in a relationship. But what if she enjoyed having sex, just for the connection and bonding aspect - would you be satisfied with that, even knowing that she would never have an orgasm?

Would it affect your sexual pleasure?

Would it affect your feelings about her?

Would it affect your overall marital satisfaction?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Don't confuse 'pity' sex with desire. There is no desire in pity sex. It's obligatory and begrudging. It's the cognitive equivalent of giving a kid a toy to stop their whining.

Whereas if you are able to convey that you still feel pleasure, and desire, and you can muster enthusiasm about sex rather than a deep sigh and feel like you are doing a chore, odds are, that you will both still enjoy the prospect of love-making.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Some men can't orgasm yet still want sex for the same reasons you listed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Deejo said:


> Don't confuse 'pity' sex with desire. There is no desire in pity sex. It's obligatory and begrudging. It's the cognitive equivalent of giving a kid a toy to stop their whining.
> 
> Whereas if you are able to convey that you still feel pleasure, and desire, and you can muster enthusiasm about sex rather than a deep sigh and feel like you are doing a chore, odds are, that you will both still enjoy the prospect of love-making.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I have utter disdain for pity sex. Receiving it has made the person doling out repugnant, TBH. Especially given our context in marriage.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Are you sure about the biomechanics? 7 out of 10 women can't climax w vaginal sex. Nearly all will climax w careful direct clitoral attention. Are you saying your wife has a real physical inability to climax either way?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

I don't consider rubbing my wife's feet "pity footrubs" just because I don't orgasm from it. I like to bring her pleasure and I enjoy the experience a lot. So with the proper attitude, a wife who does not orgasm could certainly enjoy bringing sexual pleasure to her husband without doing it out of pity or obligation.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I agree that there can be pleasure without orgasm. My partner doesn't come every time but still enjoys it when she doesn't. Also, a past partner in younger days NEVER came once in her life (hopefully she learned to). She was one of the most sexual people that I have ever been with but just could not achieve orgasm through any means (either with partner or through masturbation).


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would have trouble being with someone that couldn't have an orgasm, but I guess it would depend on the situation. If it was a long relationship and something happened, that would be one thing, and I'd work on adjusting my attitude. So long as SHE had a good mindset on it, and showed some enthusiasm for sex even without an orgasm, I think I'd be ok. But I don't think I'd start a relationship with someone who couldn't have an orgasm. I was getting to know a woman with the idea of starting a relationship, and it came up in conversation that due to some past abuse, oral sex was not an option (on her). That was kind of a deal breaker for me. But we hadn't invested much time and effort into each other at that point.

On the other hand... My own orgasm isn't the sole purpose of a sexual experience. How's that for hypocritical?  I like to have one, and it almost always happens, but if it didn't (but I could still perform in a suitable manner), I'd be ok with it.

C


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I tend to think my wife hated sex so much she ensured she never orgasm'd.


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## FairSkies (Jun 6, 2011)

I was having sex for 5 years before I ever learned to orgasm. I still enjoyed it, and had a healthy sexual appetite. Now, because it takes quite a bit of work to orgasm, sometimes I just tell my husband to forget about it and let's just enjoy ourselves. It's fun to have an orgasm, but sometimes I just want to DO IT and orgasm be damned. I don't think the inability to have an orgasm automatically makes any sex pity sex.


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