# 1st post and need advise



## scottwi (May 24, 2010)

Here it goes - I've been happly married to the woman of my dreams and what I thought to be my partner in life. Things were great for the 1st couple of years ( had 2 boys ) and our marrige was off to a good start. About 4 years into our marriage, my wife got cronic pain one night out of the blue. About 3-4 month later, my wife found her deceesed mother ( we think sucide but not sure ) in her apartment. I tried to give everthing I could and be supportive in every way. As time went on, the pain got worse and we spent 4 years going to different doctors and getting different RX's. July of last year we lost a good friend that I watched kill herself from all of the medication she was taking - again, she also had different deseases but also saw how she would get so intoxicated that she could not talk or even stand. I started really focusing on my wifes medication usage and started noticing that she was getting just as high and was taking a hand full of medication in the morning just to stay in bed all day. She quit working about 2 years ago and was staying home with the kids. There was may issues with her ability to watch the kids but finacially or options were limited. The past 2 years have been me working full time, comming home to no help with the kids or around the house, and spending the weekends cleaning and doing laundry. I was frustrated not getting help but willing to do it week after week. What changed for me is last fathers day, she told me that she had feeling for her ex boyfriend from before we got married and wanted to be with him. I was so hurt and started asking myself daily why am I doing everything and she dose not even want to be with me. I felt used. We went to counceling and she decided that she wanted to be with me but I was expected to forget everything and go back to me doing everthing with no help or support. In Jan of this year one of my wifes long time friends came to the house and looked at me saying what are you letting her do, She is high on medication and she cant even talk. The two of us found and set up medical detox and rehab. We talked to my wife about her RX usage and told her she needs help. She refused and just quit taking all medicaion with some of it being things she needed to come off of slowley. She admitted her addiction and started rehab in her own way and at her own speed. March we went to Cost Rica for vacation and she was completly delusional and did not want to come home. She also told me again that she wanted to be with her ex and gave me her wedding ring ( from her pocket ) and did not come back to the room the last two nights. When we returned to Denver, I went into pertective mode for the kids and tried to keep her from being alone with them. We went through may arguments and her moving in and out of the home. She took the kids to church at 10:30 am and I had no contact with her so I ended up filling a missing persons report at 8:30 pm. The police found her and the kids on the side of the road out of gas at 1am Monday morning. She had a cell with her and enough change for gas in the car. Social Services has gotten involved and has removed her from the house and put a no contact with her and the kids. She has filled for divorce and thinks I'm just being mean because of the divorce. I hired an attorney before she filled and also have a no contact order with the courts. 
After this book, here is where I need advise. Social Services thinks that there is something not right with my wife but cant put a finger on it. They requested that she go in for a mental eval. She passed the eval with no concerns but recommended that I contiune to fight for custody of the kids. so now I'm thinking that I have pushed the love of my life away by not being supportive and pushing what I think is protecting the kids but the eval says that everything is ok. I love her so much, miss her even more, and am so confussed. Any thoughts or suggestions????


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## cmf (May 21, 2010)

She may be bi-polar. They can quite often pass an evaluation and present as normal and rational if they are not actively manic. Bi-polar's often self medicate with drugs and alcohol to control the moods. Infidelity and dishonesty can be quite common when one is manic- along with hypersexuality , poor judgement/ impulse control , and overspending. People with bi-polar disorder can have various levels of mania- some not too severe and their depression can also look like irritibility. Bi-polar disorder also runs in families. I would do some research and see if any of it applies to your wife.


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## scottwi (May 24, 2010)

I have seen a lot of all this over the past years. Thank you for the advise and I will look into this

Scott


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

scottwi said:


> I'm thinking that I have pushed the love of my life away by not being supportive and pushing what I think is protecting the kids but the eval says that everything is ok. I love her so much, miss her even more, and am so confussed. Any thoughts or suggestions????


from a couple of things you mentioned it does sound like you are not the most observant person. But even if that is the case- you are not responsible for how your wife is acting. That is something you'll have to work on and free yourself of. She is responsible for her own actions. 

As far as them thinking there might be something "off" about her, ya think?!? she found her mother dead of possible suicide. that'll do things to people. but that does not give her room to neglect and abuse her children. you can distance yourself with compassion, but you need to protect your kids.


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