# One text can kill your sex life? It can mine.



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

There are so many threads about reasons for not wanting sex, reasons for rejecting, etc., and I've said how comments can be enough to put the brakes on physical intimacy. 
Well I know it's probably not done to bump my own thread in another subforum, but I last night I posted in (slightly alcohol fuelled) desperation because OH will be arriving tonight and I'd high hopes of a return to some kind of normality of a sexual relationship - we'd made love twice the last time he was here after a very lean 4 months. Until, that is, a stressed phone call including about a skin problem he's experiencing and then a very stressful text from him (stressful for both of us but a sexual killer for me) about one of our 'issues'. 
I now feel totally despondent & don't know how to move past it. Maybe some of these minor things have a greater effect on those of us with less of a family/friend network around us to bounce problems off? 
I don't want to go into the whole thing all over again unless someone tells me that's the only way to open it up in terms of the sexual side of things. It wasn't until I'd posted that I realised the way the text had completely dulled my sense of anticipation for his arrival. The other thread (never could do links) was called He Absolutely Won't Discuss It.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

I can see how your sexual feelings could be low if you have unresolved issues. "What you resist, persists", and if he refuses to talk about it, that just creates more problems. I imagine a slight feeling of abandonment as well as he's not there for you with this.

Sometimes you can get particular feelings by pursuing activities that give you those feelings - like having sex when you don't feel like it, but then in the middle of it, you realize how good it really is. But I'm not going to suggest that in this situation as it probably won't be more than a band-aid fix as you will still have those unresolved issues lingering.

Would it work if you talked and he listened? Sometimes just speaking your own piece, using your own point of reference without blaming or accusing can help if the listener can at least try to be validating of your feelings. Have you tried that?


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