# I don't know where to start.



## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

I have truly accepted that he doesn't love me. I know he cares for me but I am not the woman for him. 

We live together. Everything is joint. I don't know how to begin to separate everything but stating with someone who doesn't love me is killing me. I have to make changes. 

I don't have much if a support group. Not much family and few friends. 

I guess I am here because I'm lonely and don't know where to turn. 

I have 3 kids. One is already out of the home. The middle child he can't stand. The youngest he is close to or was. 

I'm in college part time and I work full time. I don't know how to get out as quickly as I would like to. 

My life is a mess. And I'm falling apart. 

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

I thought I would come back here to share more. 

About a year ago I sought out therapy. I'd become so depressed I couldn't function anymore. Many things happened in my life and I broke down in the office. 

I've been on antidepressants since then and a sleep aid that I take as needed. Lately I've needed the sleep aid.

The last 24 hours have shown me that I don't love myself. Really I don't know who I am. I'm not so sure I've ever really known me. But I do know if I had love for myself I wouldn't be in this relationship still. I've been disrespected and I've just accepted the apologies and I honestly don't know why. 

I realize that I am not afraid of being alone. I've been on both sides of the fence in love. I've been loved and didn't feel the same and now I've loved and it's unrequited. They both suck and they both hurt differently.

I just need some advice. My son and my boyfriend aren't fans of one another. I'm not so much worried about him. My oldest daughter use to be close with my boyfriend but the struggles between 14 and 18 changed that. He is close to my youngest. He is pretty much her father figure. All of my children have the same father but the oldest is the only one that really associates with him. 

Although the youngest rebelled against him yesterday with the you're not my dad statement I do know she loves him. Our separating will be hard on her. 

My oldest attempted suicide last year. Thankfully she is ok now. Physically that is. Emotionally she still has work to do. That impacted our family tremendously. My youngest took it the hardest of the siblings and began to cut herself. We got into therapy and she has been in a great spot. Yesterday after her fit I found her in the bathroom. She was just sitting in the floor but I knee what she was thinking. She didn't cut. 

I do worry about that coming back. Her therapist assured me that her cutting wasn't suicidal. She just didn't know how to cope. Her best friend also tried to take her own life 5 months prior to my oldest daughters attempt. The best friend survived but is forever changed and so their friendship essentially vanished. 

I am trying to figure out where to start. I would like to get her into therapy before we move out. But I also need to get a second job. Their father doesn't pay child support and the state I live in doesn't push for them to do so. In some way I am dependent upon my boyfriend financially. I pay for my personal things, my car payment, all household items including all groceries. He pays the other bills. 

All of the utilities are in my name, down to the Verizon account we started. The plan was for me to graduate college next semester and transfer to work towards my bachelor's. It's tough enough working and going to school part time. I don't think it's possible for me to work 2 jobs and continue school. 

I just don't know where to start. I have to be able to afford everything on my own. I need to get therapy for myself again I think and I know my youngest daughter will need someone more skilled than me to help her sort through her emotions. 

I would also like to not seem sad and depressed as we transition. I generally wear my emotions on my face and they often show in body language. I would rather not appear sad and vulnerable in front of everyone. I would rather get through the day and cry at night if I need to. 

I just feel so stupid. So embarrassed. 

Why didn't he just tell me he only loves me a certain way? I asked him this morning if he loved me. Truly loved me. Sometimes he said. I was just stunned. I don't know why. 

He said you don't love me sometimes. I corrected him. I don't like what you do sometimes but I always love you. 

I feel so very stupid.


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

Don't feel stupid. We can all get into situations that seem as though they're our fault. You want a crazy mess, just read my thread here. lol 

For me, making lists helps. Prioritize most important to least. If it were me, I'd probably make therapy the number one priority, especially for your youngest. If she (and you) have a good established relationship with a therapist, it will help her if you decide to break up with your boyfriend. 

When I was thinking of leaving, I came across lots of good info on the internet for preparing yourself to move on. Setting up your own bank account, your own p.o. box so your mail doesn't continue to the house, stuff like that. Find other places in your area and see what rent would be. Basically, just start to gather information. 

I might also suggest reposting this in the "considering separation/divorce" forum. You'll get a ton more hits. Not everyone reads this section. 

Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will be along soon.  Hang in there!


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

Envision a better life for yourself. See it. Know it's possible, because it is. If you don't have good friends to lean on, then dump it all out on TAM. Beware of negative posters, though. Right now you need positive people and positive support. Period.

Next, don't leave him now. Get stronger. You can stay and just ignore him. Don't invest any more in him. Consider him nothing more than a roommate. 

Next, support your kids. Let them know things are tough but you will get through it together, because you will. The sun will rise every day, meaning if you make a mistake or have a bad day one day, there's always tomorrow for it to get better.

Make a plan. Divide up what you need to do in small, manageable chunks. And start with the first item on the list. And try to make a bit of progress every day.

If you only do one thing, I suggest it's believing that you can and will get through this rough patch. Because you will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Take little steps, and progress your way out of there. Prayers for you to have strength during this tough time.


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

What state doesn't enforce fathers paying child support these days? (You don't have to answer - it's rhetorical). 

When you get ready to move out, can you move to a state that will garnish their father's wages or whatever it takes to get him to pay? Do you have a court order that he is to pay so much per month?

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I agree with the above poster - don't do anything right now. Research and plan and get things in order. With every one thing that you put in place to move out/become independent, you will feel stronger. 

You were not detailed about what is going on between you and your SO so it's hard to comment on that. Regardless, if I were you my first focus would be on my youngest daughter's well being and therapy to help her deal with any future changes. You have your hands full - again I am sorry. I truly believe that if your kids know you are there for them and you are the consistent feature in their lives, they will be okay. 

Take care of yourself in any way you can. Best to you.


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

Hi @backwoodsgal,

I can't offer any advice, but just wanted you to know that I really feel for what you are going through, especially as I also have had a child that was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and cutting last year. I know how hard it is to see your child in so much pain and so sad that they would come to that point and it is so heart-rending, and such a helpless feeling as a mother. I'll keep you all in my prayers.


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

Thanks y'all! These responses couldn't have come at a better time. This may be long since I may not be back on for a day or so. I'd hoped to sign on earlier but I had work, an impromptu football game coach asked my son to play, and then classwork. Late as it is I'm just now winding down. 

I apologize for posting in the wrong spot. I was hesitant about posting here at all since he and I aren't married. So glad I decided to! And thanks for the tip. 

The history is that we weren't prepared for the truth about blending a family. The drive to that game tonight gave me time to really dig deep. 

We fell madly in love with one another after bitter divorces. He doesn't have children although he wants to be a father and I brought 3 into the relationship. He had a great relationship with all of the kids until we moved in together. Looking back, we did move faster than we should've.

Life just happened. My kids are good kids. No trouble with the law or drugs or school. At the time I didn't understand what was happening but they were just coping and acting out. It started with my oldest daughter. Teenage drama, playing her father and I against one another. At that time bio dad was still in the picture but not IN the picture. In the picture to stir the pot. Out of the picture when it was time to be responsible.

Then my son began to act out too. Being defiant, telling my BF you're not my dad if he intervened when my son was being disrespectful. It was the most stressful time.

The youngest I always felt bad for. She never put up a fuss for anything and just wanted everyone to love one another and get along. 

About 2 years later an old flame of my BF's came into the picture. To my knowledge they never saw one another it was more what you all describe in these forums as emotional. It was short lived, maybe 3 weeks. But it still destroyed my trust in him. 

He did work to regain trust and things seemed normal for a while. The oldest then got with a boy I didn't approve of and that drop in the pond created so many ripples that 2 years quickly passed, and now I'm here. 

In those two years the bonds my BF had with the older children just fell apart but his bond with the youngest grew immensely. They are truly precious. 

The last 13 months have just been horrible. He changed. We changed. Our lines of communication totally crumbled. 
We normally spend a lot of time outdoors in the summer and we've done nothing together as a family this whole season. I truly mean nothing. 

Money has become an issue and it shouldn't be. We aren't rich by any means but I budget well and we make more than enough to cover our expenses. We do have separate checking accounts, a joint account, and I have a savings account with another bank that he does not have access to. 

I say we make more than enough, but he does make twice as much as I do. Still, I support my children. He says the bills he would pay with or without us and I take care of groceries, household items, and my car payment. I've never asked him for help with my payment. Recently though I've had to help him cover some bills and I'm feeling the crunch while he seems to care less. 

Lately when money comes up he reminds me in so many words that he's the bread winner. Things that were ours are now "his" in daily conversation and during arguments.

Naturally sex has been impacted as well. One day it seems as if he doesn't want to touch me and others it's as if he can't get enough. Lately it has become less. 

I've been shoving things down versus trying to talk with him because I would rather not fight anymore. 

A few weeks ago I found out he'd been looking at a certain woman on Facebook. She's a mutual friend of a close family member but I don't know her. He left his account open and looked. I should've asked him but he's been telling these little lies that dont make sense. I didn't think he'd be honest. So I went through his phone. 

The only thing I found that was suspicious was a text from the mutual close friend. I will never forget it. I really want to share that but I instantly feel I shouldn't in case someone in this scenario stumbles onto this forum. Anyway, it confirmed that he was interested and inquiring about the girl on Facebook. 

There was an incident where my youngest was grounded last week. He took her phone and she pulled up her memory bank of tantrums and it was like watching my oldest all over again. I don't mean that in a negative way. It's just that the youngest is the polar opposite of her sister. Not confrontational. Never disrespectful. It just wasn't her. In her fit she yelled you're not my dad to him and something to me about why doesn't she just go live with her real dad (who she hasn't had a relationship with in years). We dealt with her and then went outside to talk privately.

I was in tears by then. He'd said something about my brat kid and I opened my mouth and the words I think it's best that we move out were spoken. It wasn't his fault. I think the weight of everything just crushed me at once. 

I told him I knew about him being on the prowl and asking about the woman. He spoke to me so poorly. I mean, he really just totally made me feel like nothing. He said he didn't see what the big deal was because he hadn't reached out to her. My argument was that behavior was hurtful and humiliating for me and it also told me where his mind was and it's not with our family.

We didn't speak again until yesterday. We said what we needed to get through the day and even that wasn't the basics. He quit telling us goodbye for work and completely ignored the kids. 

Yesterday he wanted to talk. We actually had a great talk. We cried. He apologized. I didn't. I'm not one to put him down even during an argument. I don't call names. I do get loud. I guess I just didn't feel that I needed to apologize for sharing what I felt and knew. 

He and the youngest had an emotional moment. She had already apologized to me earlier in the week but she then apologized to him. She said she shouldn't have made the dad comment because my BF has been there for her and she knows who her dad is. 

He shared with me also that he has become dependent on one of his medications for pain due to a back issue. It was once a cancer scare, thank goodness it wasn't. But it's been a work in progress to get him feeling better and I've suspected the addiction for the last few months. Again, trying to avoid being belittled in an argument I kept quiet. 

The nervousness has subsided now. I am glad that for now there is peace in the house. But somehow I don't feel safe anymore. It just doesn't feel right. 

I feel like all of that work to trust him again is now gone. Poof. Just like that. I just don't know if I have it in me to continue. We're not married. We don't have children. 

Can he be trusted?


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

Thank you so much!


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

Begin again said:


> Envision a better life for yourself. See it. Know it's possible, because it is. If you don't have good friends to lean on, then dump it all out on TAM. Beware of negative posters, though. Right now you need positive people and positive support. Period.
> 
> Next, don't leave him now. Get stronger. You can stay and just ignore him. Don't invest any more in him. Consider him nothing more than a roommate.
> 
> ...


Thank you for sharing this. I don't know how a total stranger can make me feel like I don't have to do it all in a days time but that's what reading this felt like. 

I'm sure I will hear a negative comment. I know I've made mistakes. Hopefully I'll grow from them.


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

Hope Shimmers said:


> What state doesn't enforce fathers paying child support these days? (You don't have to answer - it's rhetorical).
> 
> When you get ready to move out, can you move to a state that will garnish their father's wages or whatever it takes to get him to pay? Do you have a court order that he is to pay so much per month?
> 
> ...


I had a response written to this and my phone died. I didn't even realize the battery was low! I also realized it's 3 hours away from my alarm waking me up and my thoughts are kind of all over the place. I'll be back after sleep.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I'm kind of curious myself as to why you haven't pursued making sure deadbeat daddy pays child support?

How you feel about your ex, how he treats the kids now, how badly your relationship with him has deteriorated over the years since you went your separate ways, and/or what your current living situation is are all completely *immaterial*. None of that has any bearing at ALL on the fact that these children deserve to be supported by their worthless father.

Whether you need his monthly check or not is also *immaterial* - child support is for the children. You should have been forcing him through the courts to be paying since the day you left, and if you didn't want or need his money - which is also completely *immaterial* - you should have been putting it in a savings account to be divvied up between the kids for college or first cars or down payments to their own places, etc. etc.

I'm sure you're busy working and going to school and dealing with your home situation but that doesn't negate the fact that their father should be paying support for the children he *chose* to bring into this world.

I'd be like a dog with a bone. I'd be down at the courthouse putting this into action and seeing how much in arrears you can collect. That shows up as a lien and his taxes can be levied to help pay for that debt. Deadbeat dads lose their licenses when they're not paying their child support, and repeat offenders get thrown in jail for a couple days when they consistently don't pay their child support. That debt hangs over their heads and haunts them until it's either paid in full or forgiven. 

Get the support your children deserve. This isn't about you or how you feel. It's about doing the right thing by your kids. :smile2:


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## shaybib (Sep 13, 2016)

you shouldn't live wit someone that doesn't love you!
i know it is tough and the fact that you have everything together makes it even more difficult.
i think you should get some help and find someone you can talk to.
you should start with makeing a list of the separate belonging and the steps you need to take.
a bit by bit you will get your life back in order


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Make small, consistent actions toward progress.
Doesn't matter how small they are, but you must be making progress in some form every single day.

Keep a diary where you log your progress and own when you feel down and depressed. Express your feelings in your diary, then close the diary and tell yourself that now it's time to make more success, and you press forward and do something good for you.

When you get into a certain cycle, you get used to it. That includes a depressive cycle, which is where you are currently. You need to reprogram your brain to feel the satisfaction that progress nets you after hard work.

And this will be hard work. Nothing good ever came easy and you WILL find out after these repeated, consistent achievements that you can do it. Again, it'll be tough, but it's entirely achievable. You may have to cut some corners every now and then or sacrifice something else temporarily to reach a goal, but taking full control and responsibility means that you won't fall into a codependent comfort with the next person you have in your life. This is a big mistake that many people make.... They look for another to support or complete them and satisfy their need to be loved.

When you really love yourself and know yourself, you don't have this same kind of need.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

What exactly are you getting from this relationship? What does your BF contribute to it?


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## phitigirl (Aug 11, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm kind of curious myself as to why you haven't pursued making sure deadbeat daddy pays child support?
> 
> How you feel about your ex, how he treats the kids now, how badly your relationship with him has deteriorated over the years since you went your separate ways, and/or what your current living situation is are all completely *immaterial*. None of that has any bearing at ALL on the fact that these children deserve to be supported by their worthless father.
> 
> ...


So this is a touchy subject for me.  I have a court order for child support and my deadbeat ex just chooses not to work at all and have other people pay his way or he works under the table and therefore no support can be garnished. The Child Support Office does occasionally try to take him to court for lack of payment but he moves so much that they can't find him to serve him and the court date has to be cancelled. If they do find him, he pays $20 and they stop pursuing him because he "made an effort". Plus, he must not have bothered to file taxes in many years since they certainly haven't been sent to me. It is a highly frustrating game. He has not bothered to see his daughter in 9 years and owes her well over $25k. So, there are definitely some states out there that just don't try very hard to enforce Child Support Orders.


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

heartbroken50 said:


> Hi @backwoodsgal,
> 
> I can't offer any advice, but just wanted you to know that I really feel for what you are going through, especially as I also have had a child that was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and cutting last year. I know how hard it is to see your child in so much pain and so sad that they would come to that point and it is so heart-rending, and such a helpless feeling as a mother. I'll keep you all in my prayers.


This melted my heart. I hate that you understand but it's also nice when someone gets it.


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> What exactly are you getting from this relationship? What does your BF contribute to it?


Nothing anymore. He doesn't contribute anything to me anymore. All of a sudden he is willing to listen. Try. I'm not sure how I feel about it anymore.


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm kind of curious myself as to why you haven't pursued making sure deadbeat daddy pays child support?
> 
> How you feel about your ex, how he treats the kids now, how badly your relationship with him has deteriorated over the years since you went your separate ways, and/or what your current living situation is are all completely *immaterial*. None of that has any bearing at ALL on the fact that these children deserve to be supported by their worthless father.
> 
> ...


Oh I have pursued it. It's just a dead end at every turn. I scrolled through the comments before I began replying and there is a mother that explained the vicious cycle that seems to have been established to help the non-supportive parent.

My ex has already lost his license due to his inability to drive sober. I do know he recently got out of jail for another DUI.

I last talked to my attorney in March which was actually a decent time at home in every way. My attorney is phenomenal and the first time (a few years back) my BF told him we didn't care about the money if he would just sign over his rights my attorney looked my BF in the face and told him he was a damn fool. Not for wanting the rights terminated but for exactly what you describe, the kids deserve his support. So we fought and spent money and fought and spent money and the ex is just like a darn snake escaping at every turn. 

So back in March we go again and the attorney says you know, you have everything you want. The kids are in great places, he's not around to tear them down, their life is stable. When are you two getting married? I can take your money and he can arrest himself with his law breaking ways and we'll get no further than we have in the past. But if you tell me (now looking at my BF) that you want to adopt the younger daughter, come back to see me after you're married and we'll be done with his a$$. Even the attorney is fed up. I believe if I had this attorney when we divorced things would be much different. He just came into the game too late. 

That's where we were.

I get your point and I couldn't agree more. 

As for moving to another state for garnished wages, it just wouldn't be cost effective. It would cost quite a bit to relocate, it would stress my youngest out and that's the one thing I'm trying to avoid.


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

Satya said:


> Make small, consistent actions toward progress.
> Doesn't matter how small they are, but you must be making progress in some form every single day.
> 
> Keep a diary where you log your progress and own when you feel down and depressed. Express your feelings in your diary, then close the diary and tell yourself that now it's time to make more success, and you press forward and do something good for you.
> ...


This is so true. I didn't seek out someone to care for me. But I am in a position where I do feel depressed, dependent upon him, and not very much "in love" with me.

Thank you for this.


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

Hi everyone. I thought I would just comment here since this is where I started. 

Things have been fairly quiet. I haven't brought anything else you. I have made some financial changes so I can save privately.

I don't think I should make things so tough on my kids by just rushing out, not enough savings. Etc. 

There is this peaceful place I've come to with all of this. I don't have to fight anymore. I have noticed that there is truly nothing he likes about me anymore. It stings. It makes me look at me and what I do and how I behave or react. I don't think he does that though. I don't know if he ever has. 

It's not easy. It does hurt. I am hopeful that taking my time and doing things right will allow the sting if it all to pass.

We will be alright.


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

Some things are changing or I am seeing things differently. He is having mood swings that aren't normal. One minute he's mad and we're not speaking much and I don't know why. A few days pass and he's acting like his behavior the previous day's didn't happen.

Tonight he didn't leave exactly on time and during a time he would've normally been gone already his phone recieved a notification. That notification changed the mood in the house instantly. His behavior continued to be odd for the next 10 minutes . But he didn't leave as fast as it seemed he would at first. 

I don't normally read too much into things but I can't stop thinking about these little details. Looking back now there's been some signs I'm afraid I missed.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Are you thinking that he is cheating?

Have the two of you talked about doing anything to rebuild your relationship? I know it seems like an odd thing to bring up at this point, but it could happen if you both worked at it.

Has he ever mentioned him moving out? I just wonder because if he's unhappy, why is he staying?


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

OP I can't believe the state hasn't gone after your ex h for lack of child support. Please excuse my further questions they are only meant to better understand your financial situation.

Are you drawing any financial support from the state to support your family? If you are the state most definitely would want to be recouping those dollars. Ive see where licenses have been suspended and even tax returns confiscated and applied to child support in arrears when the state has expended state money to support a family.

If you are not drawing sate support is that due to your bf providing the housing costs thus you are able to cover everything between the two of you. In this case the state doesn't have a vested interest.

Lastly your bf sounds like he's tried to be supportive by paying for the housing costs and has told you he would have to pay for this even if you were not there. That sounds nice but could there be some underlying resentment about this.

These are just questions to think about and could have no bearing on you situation.

Sorry your are here and good luck.


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Are you thinking that he is cheating?
> 
> Have the two of you talked about doing anything to rebuild your relationship? I know it seems like an odd thing to bring up at this point, but it could happen if you both worked at it.
> 
> Has he ever mentioned him moving out? I just wonder because if he's unhappy, why is he staying?


No and yes. I wouldn't have ever thought that he was. He is behaving so different lately. I would like for something to make sense. 

Yes we have talked about our relationship problems and the big one is that we don't communicate well. I sincerely try to talk to him. The talks always end up with me crying and him angry. He would rather not deal with the issues. He gets annoyed by things my children do or don't do and rather than speaking to me about them he will let things fester up inside and then explode. By that point he doesn't make sense and I become defensive because he's being nasty. 

Then he just acts fine like the argument never happened and all is well in life. That's where my struggle is. I can't live like that anymore. 

I will be glad to accept any advice you have!


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

Grogmiester said:


> OP I can't believe the state hasn't gone after your ex h for lack of child support. Please excuse my further questions they are only meant to better understand your financial situation.
> 
> Are you drawing any financial support from the state to support your family? If you are the state most definitely would want to be recouping those dollars. Ive see where licenses have been suspended and even tax returns confiscated and applied to child support in arrears when the state has expended state money to support a family.
> 
> ...


The state simply does not care here. I am not offended at all by your question about state support. I receive no state assistance at all. None. I pay for our insurance and I don't receive food stamps. I actually went to apply for benefits with the hope in mind that if the state paid me they would go after my ex like you said, and then he would be willing to comply. 

I was honest with the lady that took my application to process and told her that I live with my bf and she said it didn't matter unless we were married so his income wouldn't be considered. At the end of our meeting I was told that I make too much money ($12 per month too much) to get assistance and that if I would sell my car it would make a difference and to never show them that I was making a student loan payment (which has now been deferred since I'm in college again). 

For the record my car isn't fancy by any means. I drove my little junk car until it wouldn't drive anymore and had nearly 300k miles on it. My payment is just under 300. I didn't want a payment on something without warranty and I didn't want a payment I couldn't afford. I thought I made a good decision where my car is concerned. But the lady told me to sell my car and buy a clunker. I really about fell out in the floor. 

After deductions I clear a little more than just under 1300 a month. How in the world do I make too much money with 3 dependents? At that time the oldest was still at home. 

To sum it up, I get no help. Except for my bf. Now that you say there could be some resentment there I can see that. Ye he would still have utilities but they would be quite a bit cheaper if we weren't here. 

We had another argument. I tried to talk and he yelled. He thinks I'm too soft on my children. I would like to put details about this here to get advice but I don't want a random person we know seeing this for our business to be out there. No one knows I have been posting here. 

He yelled at me once about a parenting thing that was uncalled for. The next night he yelled at me again for a parenting ordeal. He never apologized for it but he did confess to making assumptions a few days later. The days in between I just walked around like he wasn't here. I spoke when I was spoken to. I am so very tired of being talked to like a child especially when I am a talker. I am also great at trying to see his point of view as long as he doesn't share it when he's angry.

He doesn't like my parenting style. He is resentful that he is supporting the children and their father is not, although he agreed with the attorney. I am learning from your ideas and thoughts here. I appreciate this so much. 

Last night I received a message from him and he accused me of getting into one if his social media accounts. Which I haven't done but he will not let it go. Again he pushed me to tears calling me a liar. Details I can't give with this being so public. I have never lied to him and he knows how I value honesty and trust so why in the world would I break it? I had every opportunity to peek at whoever messaged him when his phone was beside me the other night and I didn't.

I stopped and checked on a second job after work today. $7.50 an hour, $8 an hour after 60 days. The lady told me that 12 hours of work will give me $92 after deductions. It's a gas station. They need help on weekend nights. If I take this job will he resent me for me not being here with the kids? I will miss my time with them. This seems so unfair. But that would be almost an extra 400 per month. 

I am so severely stressed out. I am exhausted. There is something else he said that I wish I could share that he said. It was so hurtful and it told me we need to go. Is there anyway to block my account or posts from public view? I wish I could say more and be detailed. 

One day it feels like he wants me to feel like the scum of the earth. The next day the previous day never happened. This back and forth is nearly all I can handle. 

When I ask questions and try to talk he tells me I need to change. When I ask what i need to change he tells me I already know. 

Thank you for trying to help.

Edited: To answer your question about why he doesn't leave is because he knows I can't make it here on my own. That's my guess. Also this property purchase was a family matter on his end. Even though it is ours it is tied to him if we don't remain together.

We have discussed me moving out before. He then changes his mind and doesn't want to throw away all we have and wants to work on things. Nothing ever changes or improves.


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

Sorry these posts are long. My schedule prevents me from checking in on a daily basis and it seems I'm catching up when I do post.


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## backwoodsgal (Sep 8, 2016)

Mixed signals is what I need help with. Why can he send mixed signals and not talk to me?

Here is an example. He yells at me over the parenting decision I made. He stays mad at me for days, disappearing for hours on day 3. He yells at me that same day he disappeared and tells me I need to change. He then said the words that made me feel we need to move out. I cried and it was over. He went about his business and I went about mine. We existed in the house like roommates. This was over a weekend. 

Monday he is fine. Acts normal. He even left one of my favorite drink is in the refrigerator and drew a heart on the container with wording that let me know it was mine. 

A few days later he makes the assumption about the parenting thing and is mad again. 

Should I just go? Should I do something different to make it work? Does he feel guilty that he's not happy but he knows I'm alone in every way without help of any kind from him and he feels obligated?

We have stopped having sex by the way. I am the one that is hungrier in that department anyway but I no longer have the desire. It's hard to go there in my mind when he acts like he's going through menopause with his mood swings. He doesn't seem to miss it anyhow. He has made no advances either.


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