# My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.



## Mandi84 (Jun 28, 2012)

My husband told me last night that he does not love me anymore. He said that he can't handle how up and down I am after I learned about his affair with another woman. I have been trying so hard to recover from it and I admitted to him that I have failed in getting the right help. We are Christians and I always felt as my spiritual leader that he would have helped me through the process, but he just left me fall deeper and become more angry. Now he says that my love for him is not real and that I never loved him. He moved out and got his own place and said it doesn't matter where I go, he will not be with me. On top of that, he will not give me a divorce. He just wants me to live alone and remain married to him. He even is playing a mind game with me saying that if I choose to divorce him after so long, that he will know that I have been planning it all along. My friends say this is emotional abuse and I need to get out. That saddest part of all is we have a son together. I feel it would be in our son's best interest to be with me considering I was the one who supported us all financially and emotionally our entire marriage and his entire life. My husband feels of course that he is the better parent and keeps putting ideas in our 6 year olds head that he can come live with him whenever he wants. I don't feel this is right and I feel if my husband wants to leave our family then he is leaving all that goes with it. I need help. What do I do?
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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

As I said on your other post, DUMP HIM NOW and secure custody of your child. This guy is not worth your time or your trouble or your tears.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

You do know that in Matthew chapter 19 infidelity is grounds for divorce?

Your husband abdicated any role he might have had as leader of the family. He chose to step aside. You are no longer obligated to look to him for spiritual guidance in any fashion. He never led by example anyhow.

His undermining of your role as a mother is frankly evil. Start keeping track of what he says, because you need to start collecting evidence to protect your custodial rights.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

This is so wrong.A man who goes out and has an affair is no leader at all,especially a spiritual one.
He's putting the blame on you and saying you need to recover?? No,no,no....Yes its 50/50 of the problems in marriage but the affair is all on him.
I was raised a Southern Baptist under strict rules
and cheating on youre spouse is a huge no,no.
I'm into 4 1/2 months of R now after my wifes affair,it isnt easy but she is accepting all the blame for what she did and tells me how sorry she is every day.Dont let your husband play the victim card.Mind games? Oh yeah, he's trying to turn it around on you,dont let him.
I'm very sorry this is happening to you.You will find many good people here with a ton of good advice to help you.You dont deserve this.
I wish you well.Hang on and dont give up.The people here helped me and what they did was incredible.
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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

Stay strong in your christian values and like the other poster said Matthew chapter 19 gave us the way out. He is the one that fell out of Christ. When I went through my wifes affair I remember how bad Jesus was treated and I will never come an inch near what he suffered. So I looked to him on how to get through all the mess. 

With prayer. And yes I did pray for the other man also. In the end God worked it all out and we are stronger than ever.

We also went to MC and MC with our preacher.


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## Mandi84 (Jun 28, 2012)

We sought out counseling when he first told me about the affair. When we were in counseling he admitted that he was wrong and he admitted that I was going to be going through a hard time and that he would do whatever necessary to help me through it. In the end though now he believes that love is not a choice and he believes that our marriage counselor has been wrong all along. I know that he's lost right now and I know that he's not thinking clearly. but as of right now according to him there's nothing more I can do to prove to him that I do love him. As a matter of fact he just now finished getting the rest of his belongings and leaving. I did earlier set aside some time to speak to his mother about what was going on and she doesn't seem to know what to tell me. She says we are polar opposites and that we both have our own faults. I'm supposed to be leaving for Dallas tomorrow with my son and we're supposed to be moving into our apartment. I'm not sure what my husband is going to think or try to do after that. I know he's told me that if my son decides he wants to live with him that I need to let him move back up here and live with him. My son is only six years old and I truly don't believe my son knows what he really wants. I know that my son is going to miss his dad and I know he doesn't understand what is going on between us. My fear is that once my son begins to miss his dad and starts telling his dad he wants to see him, my husband's going to equate that with him wanting to come live with him. My son is told me that he wants to live with me and he says it doesn't matter what the other parent does for him but it's all about who loves him. I think this is really mature for a six-year-old to say but at the same time I really hope it's true. I want my marriage to work and I wanted to survive but at the same time I don't want to stay married to somebody who doesn't want me. I don't want to live with my son just the two of us knowing that my husband will never come down and be with us. I'm so confused on what the right and Christian thing to do is right now. I tried asking our marriage counselor what to do she has no answers for me. I've often wondered if secretly my husband is planning on serving me with papers after I move to Dallas and he's just not being honest about it. I'm so confused, I'm so hurt, and all I can keep doing is praying but I feel like God is not listening.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

You husband sound very narcissitstic, and of course emotionaly abusive and manipulative. Who gives a damm about what he might think if you divorve his sorry ass and why? He's a cheater. You don't need to explain it a sh!t.
Don't buy the mink fuuckery.
Hard 180.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Talk to lawyer ASAP. You don't tell him a darn thing. He fired you as wife and friend.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Tell your a-hole of a husband to f himself. No one "gives" a divorce. Just cram it down his sanctimonious throat.


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## Encore DT (May 29, 2012)

Of course he doesn't love you anymore. He screwed up and now he has to hold your hand while you recover, and that takes MAJOR work and effort, so he gave up. Can it get any simpler?


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

If he waned to R,he would show it.He would be full of remorse,guilt,he would regonize what he did and tell you how wrong it was,he would apologize over and over.His actions would show you that he loved you.He would committ to working on the marriage.
This is what my spouse has done and still is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

By the way when was your discovery day?


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## Mandi84 (Jun 28, 2012)

Discovery day?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Mandi84 said:


> Discovery day?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Assuming you are in North America, some feel it is sometime in 1492. There is debate on this, though.Presumably, the natives already discovered this place. I think Leif Erickson has some claim, as well.


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## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

Mandi84 said:


> We sought out counseling when he first told me about the affair. When we were in counseling he admitted that he was wrong and he admitted that I was going to be going through a hard time and that he would do whatever necessary to help me through it. In the end though now he believes that love is not a choice and he believes that our marriage counselor has been wrong all along. I know that he's lost right now and I know that he's not thinking clearly. but as of right now according to him there's nothing more I can do to prove to him that I do love him. As a matter of fact he just now finished getting the rest of his belongings and leaving. I did earlier set aside some time to speak to his mother about what was going on and she doesn't seem to know what to tell me. She says we are polar opposites and that we both have our own faults. I'm supposed to be leaving for Dallas tomorrow with my son and we're supposed to be moving into our apartment. I'm not sure what my husband is going to think or try to do after that. I know he's told me that if my son decides he wants to live with him that I need to let him move back up here and live with him. My son is only six years old and I truly don't believe my son knows what he really wants. I know that my son is going to miss his dad and I know he doesn't understand what is going on between us. My fear is that once my son begins to miss his dad and starts telling his dad he wants to see him, my husband's going to equate that with him wanting to come live with him. My son is told me that he wants to live with me and he says it doesn't matter what the other parent does for him but it's all about who loves him. I think this is really mature for a six-year-old to say but at the same time I really hope it's true. I want my marriage to work and I wanted to survive but at the same time I don't want to stay married to somebody who doesn't want me. I don't want to live with my son just the two of us knowing that my husband will never come down and be with us. I'm so confused on what the right and Christian thing to do is right now. I tried asking our marriage counselor what to do she has no answers for me. I've often wondered if secretly my husband is planning on serving me with papers after I move to Dallas and he's just not being honest about it. I'm so confused, I'm so hurt, and all I can keep doing is praying but I feel like God is not listening.


Please dont let your son believe he has any responsibility in the decision of whom he lives with. It seems you havent asked him which parent he would prefer, but he shouldnt have to worry about "taking the right side" , whichever side thst might be at the moment. Make sure he knows that you as the parent will do what needs to be done to assure he is in the best possible living situation.

When parents are divorcing it is so hard for most of them to keep the kids out of all the awful adult decisions that need to be made. My folks are divorcing after 43 years of marriage and even though I am 37 year old woman they are still trying to get me to take sides. Its gotten to the point where I had to send my dad a "no contact" letter and my mom is no longer allowed to discuss anything divorce related in my presence. 

My point us, you have done your best up until now to live a Godly life and be the wife you know you should, try to remember that the only thing that truly matters is keeping your boy safe physically  and emotionally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Mandi, as a couple people have pointed out, infidelity is accepted as Biblical grounds for divorce. You said in your other thread that he is twisting Scripture. That is really to be expected. He knows how strong your faith is (or was?) and he is trying to shake it. I understand what you mean about him being your spiritual leader. The men are supposed to be the spiritual leaders of the family. That isn't to say that you don't have stronger faith than he does (tho that is obvious at this point). But the husband/father is supposed to set the spiritual tone, as the leader... SUPPOSED to. But he isn't now. 

Mandi, you can do this. My sister was married for 10 years to a man who faked his belief in God. He was quite convincing. He even went so far as to say God had called him to be a pastor. He started at the seminary...then he "got sick". He started showing signs of psychological problems. He went to a mental hospital and was diagnosed schizophrenic. That diagnosis later proved to be inaccurate. While he does have psychological issues, he is NOT schizophrenic. Anyway, while in the hospital, he met a woman and had sex with her. After they both were released, he met up with her a few times and they had sex. He hid this from my sister. One of his friends who knew about them told her husband "If she asks me, point blank, I will NOT lie to her."...Something, or SomeONE made my sister ask. And she was told the truth. She chose to forgive him, as he showed remorse for the act. But his behavior in other aspects was sorely lacking.

In the end, tho she forgave him, she couldn't forget. The end came when he accused our other sister's boyfriend of screwing around with her. He knew better. He was being an idiot. She finally told him to leave, four years after his affair. She had biblical grounds for divorce, tho she didn't need it LEGALLY (Michigan is no fault). 

Mandi, as hard as this is to hear, your husband isn't, and hasn't been, your spiritual leader for quite some time. I agree that you need to get him out. I realize you have a son together. My sister and ex-brother-in-law have a son and daughter. They are growing into a fine young man and young lady under my sister's guidance. They see their dad regularly, but they have kept the faith of their mother. 

As a Christian, I know you are praying for him. Keep doing that. But, don't pray for him to come back. Pray that he will find his way back to God. Right now, you recognize that he has gone so far down the wrong path, away from God... and he needs to find his way back. That doesn't mean that you need to take him back as your husband. My sister's favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." My favorite is Proverbs 3:5,6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths."

I hope this brings you comfort. God is listening. I know it doesn't seem like it. But He is. Feel free to PM me anytime.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

When did you found he was cheating? That was D-Day. It's important because your ass hole of a husband blames you, the way you reacted to his betrayal. I guess he's no more than a rugsweeper. As you just fifn' forget'' and acted as thigs were all happy he bailed. So he falied as husband end later failed to fix what he broke BUT, of course you are to blame for the two things and you are a bad mother and he's entitled to say what you have to do (not filing, making you to give up your kids)... bla bla bla.


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## Mandi84 (Jun 28, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Mandi, as a couple people have pointed out, infidelity is accepted as Biblical grounds for divorce. You said in your other thread that he is twisting Scripture. That is really to be expected. He knows how strong your faith is (or was?) and he is trying to shake it. I understand what you mean about him being your spiritual leader. The men are supposed to be the spiritual leaders of the family. That isn't to say that you don't have stronger faith than he does (tho that is obvious at this point). But the husband/father is supposed to set the spiritual tone, as the leader... SUPPOSED to. But he isn't now.
> 
> Mandi, you can do this. My sister was married for 10 years to a man who faked his belief in God. He was quite convincing. He even went so far as to say God had called him to be a pastor. He started at the seminary...then he "got sick". He started showing signs of psychological problems. He went to a mental hospital and was diagnosed schizophrenic. That diagnosis later proved to be inaccurate. While he does have psychological issues, he is NOT schizophrenic. Anyway, while in the hospital, he met a woman and had sex with her. After they both were released, he met up with her a few times and they had sex. He hid this from my sister. One of his friends who knew about them told her husband "If she asks me, point blank, I will NOT lie to her."...Something, or SomeONE made my sister ask. And she was told the truth. She chose to forgive him, as he showed remorse for the act. But his behavior in other aspects was sorely lacking.
> 
> ...


I can't even begin to tell you how much I needed to hear this. When I can actually calm down enough to sit and think about what is really bothering me, it comes down to how my son will be affected by all this. I want him to see his father when he asks, but since his father chose to leave and stay behind with using his parents as his support, how do I go about making sure my son is having his need for his father fulfilled and not risking losing time with him as well? 

Let me clarify...I work every single weekend at a children's hospital on the night shift. This was the schedule that was given to me for when I drive down every weekend an slept in an empty room for my shifts and then drive back Monday morning and took care of my son while my husband wa at work. Now that we have relocated closer to my job, so I wouldn't have to drive every weekend, my husband is stating that he wants him every weekend while I work. The thing is, now that I am closer to my work, I will not have to work every weekend anymore. But my hudband still says that since he works M-F, he should have him every weekend. I know for a fact that even in custody cases the ruling is usually every other weekend and that is when both parents live in the same town. I live 150 miles away and he still wants me driving, at least half way, every weekend to have him visit. This really gives my son no time to just see me on a weekend or have a sleepover if he wanted. I feel every weekend hen living so far apart, at his choice mind you, is ridiculous. But if my husband surprises me with paperwork down the road, I don't want a judge to think that I was withholding visitation. 

My son starts school in August and he ha made it very clear he has wanted to move down here with all of us for a while now. The opportunities that are available to him within social and sports activities, church, and education are endless compared to the small town we are moving from. And my job that I have held for the past year is here and it is what supported us even when my husband didnt work. My husbands idea of spending time with our son or doing thins with him is him playing on his iPad or computer while our 6 year old sits in front of a television playing video games...innapropriate ones at that. Our son has even told me that his dad left him home alone early in the morning to go to the store and back an that he was brave an dint cry when he was alone. That breaks my heart and scares me to death. As a pediatric nurse, I know what can happen when a young child is left home alone. 

As far as making sure his dad gets to see his son, I feel that every other weekend, meeting halfway to make the switch, is very reasonable and of course if my husband decided to change his mind and move down here, the stipulations would naturally change. I don't want to be the bad guy, but I don't want to be manipulated into constant fear that I will lose my son if my husband doesn't get his way. Oh, and regarding and child support that I asked for to help with his son, he says he doesn't make that much and that he needs his extra money for when he visits. Go figure.

My goal is to find a more compatible job such as an office nurse or a school nurse so that needing any type of sitter while I'm working would not be required. That would make it a little easier to breathe since I don't have my husband here to play the role of caregiver while I'm away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Please don't let your husband dictate what's best for your son. He lost that privilege when he (1) committed adultery and (2) tried to use mental abuse to convince you that YOU are the problem. Do you want your son growing up to be like that?

You need to step back from what your past beliefs are in terms of letting your husband lead. He's lost the privilege and any pastor worth his salt will not tell you to do what this man wants any more. 

Set up the job that works best for you AND for your son - stbx is out of the equation, thanks to HIS actions. If you can't get the school nurse job, set up after school daycare if you get a 9-5 shift, where the daycare bus comes to his school, picks him up and takes him to the daycare for the 2 or 3 hours until you get off work. Millions of women do this and the kids love the opportunity to have fun after school with friends. It won't be that expensive. 

But most of all, do whatever it takes to pay a lawyer to draw up a separation or divorce proceedings. You HAVE to protect yourself as your child's guardian; given your husband's traits, he is likely to turn MEAN on you and find a way to take your son away. Please believe me, I've seen it happen a lot - as soon as you move out, you're the enemy and he will have no problem dragging you into the dirt by taking your son. A legal decree is the only thing that will prevent that.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Mandi, regarding your son...the only thing I can suggest is do what you can to facilitate their relationship. Don't bend to your husband's every whim, of course. But do what you can to maintain their relationship.My xbil, unfortunately, was quite indifferent to having his kids around. It wasn't until he remarried that he actually stepped up more willingly. His wife pushed for that. But, you can work out so that your son has much of his school vacation times with his dad (if you are agreeable to this), and stick with the every other weekend thing. If he wants to call his dad, of course let him call him. Make sure dad knows of all the happenings at the school as well. You could probably have the school mail things to him as well. You can be accommodating to him regarding the custody, without letting him walk all over you. And, if the courts see that you are being accommodating, they MAY lean more in your favor. That's all I can think of off the top of my head.


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## Mandi84 (Jun 28, 2012)

So since my last post this past week, I have made every attempt to have my H visit his son and have tried with every ounce of my being to be civil and not resort to begging and pleading. I've been praying everyday as well. My H on the other hand has been sending mean and provoking text messages to get me to start fighting, but I can honestly say I did good and didn't feed into it. I've even arranged for him to have our son this weekend while I'm at work this weekend. I'll come back to my old town on Monday and pick up my son, pack more stuff, and head back down. My H is depicting when his visitation will be and I feel if I object, I'm allowing him to push my buttons and get me upset. I don't want to fight and I want to be civil, but he says I'm lying...yea...again with the preconceived lying thing. He even suggested that he was going to have our marriage counselor testify that I was a bad mom and that since I took him back after the affair that I can't use that in my divorce if I should choose to file. 

I can't file for 90 days being a new resident to a new town, but he could file now if he wanted to, though he has no money. If my son starts school in August before the 90 days are up and he does file, what are the chances that a judge would make my son move back with his dad and go to another new school (where my husband lives is not in the same district as his old school). I have a 2 bedroom, 2 bath condo in a nice town close to my job. I even just got a raise last weekend for my hard work. My son is pre-enrolled in school and he starts taekwondo lessons and soccer lessons in two weeks. I've also found a welcoming and supportive church or us to attend. 

My H has a one bedroom apartment. He does have a nice 8-5 job for now but his history of keeping a job is terrible. My son sleeps in his room and his bed when he visits. Our son is 6 and I don't think that would be a proper arrangement for our son to live with his father. His dad also of coarse spends his free time on the computer and Xbox and allows our son to play rated M video games. My son even gets upset and mad at me when I don't allow him to play those games at my house. 

I want out son involved in the community and active in sports and activity groups. Ive made a budget to afford for this for my son as well as pay the bills on time, but his dad refuses to help with our sons activities saying that if I want him involved then I have to pay for it. 

He is so exhausting.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

You need to be documenting 100% of his communications with you. You are going to prove he is trying to take your son away. Have you met with a lawyer yet? You need to do this asap so they can help protect you. He is going to do all he can, he's made that clear.

I would wear a voice activated recorder around him too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mandi84 (Jun 28, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> You need to be documenting 100% of his communications with you. You are going to prove he is trying to take your son away. Have you met with a lawyer yet? You need to do this asap so they can help protect you. He is going to do all he can, he's made that clear.
> 
> I would wear a voice activated recorder around him too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I save all text messages and emails from him, his family, from our marriage counselor, and I write down in a journal what he does and what our son may say that doesn't sound right. I plan on talking with a lawyer but I want to wait until I am completely moved down (two weeks). Of course I can't file for 90 days, I know I can at least know what my rights are.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Don't let him treat you this way.
Christian or not.... he holds *NO* power over you.

I would give him one chance to come clean and talk
to you openly about what took place, or I would hand him the D papers.

You can either spend the rest of your life fighting and growing
from your experiences or you can let this assh0le treat you like a pile of nothing and smile as he does it...

It's up to you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

God is helping you. He is helping you via all the people at this website. God bless you and your son.

Your husband will try to poison your relationship with your son. Why? Because he can. Do not let him.

Is he still in contact with the OW?


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## Mandi84 (Jun 28, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> God is helping you. He is helping you via all the people at this website. God bless you and your son.
> 
> Your husband will try to poison your relationship with your son. Why? Because he can. Do not let him.
> 
> Is he still in contact with the OW?


No, he cut off ties with her the day he confessed to me and the church. Of course that is what he has told me. She was married with children as well so I know she was facing the same as him when it came to losing everything. He has however been involved with pornography while he has been hiding out on my sons room when he decided to stop sleeping in our room. My son had been sleeping with me in my room or on the sofa bed in the living room.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Mandi, you're smarter than him. You're more involved than him. You have stronger morals than him. So carry that knowledge with pride and calm and look at him like you would a 6th grader - feeling sorry for him while maintaining control over your life and your son's life.


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## Mandi84 (Jun 28, 2012)

Out of curiosity, does anyone know if I am able to move out of state with my son if the separation continues and no divorce proceedings are ever filed? I know if this were to go to court that I could have a residential restriction such as anywhere in Texas but no further, but if there are no orders and say I'm offered a really good job in Colorado where my sister lives who is willing to help me out, could we go? As heartless as it sounds, my H is planted where he is at because of his parents, but nothing would stop him from moving closer to us, he just won't because his support system is where he is at. Any serious responses welcome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

All I've heard is that it's all in the legal documents you sign. If a spouse allows it, you can move; if he doesn't, you can't. Maybe give him a reason to allow it?


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## Mandi84 (Jun 28, 2012)

turnera said:


> All I've heard is that it's all in the legal documents you sign. If a spouse allows it, you can move; if he doesn't, you can't. Maybe give him a reason to allow it?


Not a reason in the world he would allow it. He would say I needed to leave our son with him if I wanted to go. He would also say I would be choosing my work over my son if I did that and that I would have abandoned him. He has it all laid out in his head as it is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

He sounds incredibly abusive especially denying a divorce. Sounds very controlling.


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## Mandi84 (Jun 28, 2012)

So update today is a bit drastic. Don't really know what it is I'm feeling, but I've decided to not move to Dallas and I will be staying right where I'm at for the time being. My support system in Dallas is not good and having my son, I would fce more trouble down the road than it's worth. I plan on keeping my weekend job there until something opens up that is closer to where I live. I feel it will be better on our son to be around family whether my H and I divorce or not. My family lives there as well. Hopefully things will begin to look up and be brighter soon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

See, you're doing the logical thing, and that's usually the best. Take your time, make sure your decisions are for the right reasons. You'll be fine.


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## Mandi84 (Jun 28, 2012)

So what do I do about the whole " I don't want to be with you but I don't want a divorce" nonsense? Do I just stay married until he makes the first move for either reconciliation or divorce? I feel like I'm being put on the shelf for a rainy day. I hate this feeling. :-(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Talk to a lawyer, find out where you stand, play with him different scenarios, from the worse to the better outcome for you and the children. You can only stay in limbo for a while. Once you are ready to get out the fence I think you will know.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The best thing to do is to pay a lawyer to protect you legally and financially, whether it's a separation or a divorce. If you're not sure about divorce yet, get the separation. TRUST me, the man you thought wouldn't get mean in a million years when it comes to his kids will turn into Godzilla, when money is involved.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

My biggest concern is your finances and child custody. You are walking around in the dark if you don't see a lawyer to protect your rights.

I would file if that made the most sense to protect my child. Ask a lawyer what your options are, such as becoming legally separated vs. filing for D.

While your husband is using religion as his excuse, sad to say there are many many other cheaters who do this; while cheating doesn't trouble them, they also have no problem sitting around until the loyal spouse decides to file. Why the cheaters won't file is half the reason for this forum.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mandi84 (Jun 28, 2012)

There is no legal separation in the state of Texas. It's D or nothing. I love him and our marriage too much to want to file. I feel like I'm giving up if I do. I'm starting counseling next week to help me put stuff in perspective for now. The icky painful feeling in my stomach I get when I see him or when my son goes to stay with him...I hate it!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Mandi, sorry if this is blunt, but what are you giving up? He doesn't live with you. Getting legal advice to protect finances and custody rights is not the same as filing for divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Agreed. And you can always get back together later. By filing, you regain your integrity and show him that you deserve respect. And if he won't fight for you when he finds out you have filed, then you don't want him.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> Getting legal advice to protect finances and custody rights is not the same as filing for divorce.


And filing for divorce is not the same as actually divorcing in the end. I fear it's not your case but many times filing is the only wake up call from some foggie waywards.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Mandi84 said:


> My husband told me last night that he does not love me anymore. He said that he can't handle how up and down I am after I learned about his affair with another woman. I have been trying so hard to recover from it and I admitted to him that I have failed in getting the right help. We are Christians and I always felt as my spiritual leader that he would have helped me through the process, but he just left me fall deeper and become more angry. Now he says that my love for him is not real and that I never loved him. He moved out and got his own place and said it doesn't matter where I go, he will not be with me. On top of that, he will not give me a divorce. He just wants me to live alone and remain married to him. He even is playing a mind game with me saying that if I choose to divorce him after so long, that he will know that I have been planning it all along. My friends say this is emotional abuse and I need to get out. That saddest part of all is we have a son together. I feel it would be in our son's best interest to be with me considering I was the one who supported us all financially and emotionally our entire marriage and his entire life. My husband feels of course that he is the better parent and keeps putting ideas in our 6 year olds head that he can come live with him whenever he wants. I don't feel this is right and I feel if my husband wants to leave our family then he is leaving all that goes with it. I need help. What do I do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm going through it too. My story is a little different cause there is infedility on both sides, but my husbands now mnay infedilties while we were seperated he feels he did nothing wrong. I'm the one who kicked him out he always says. I think my husband too is emotionally abusing me.

I can't tell you what to do in this situation, as I don't feel like I'm the best person to give advice.....

I can offer you a shoulder to cry on from afar and tell you I know what it feels like. You can private message me any time


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