# I just had a flashback. I remember what started my EA



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It was a mutual interest in Star Trek Voyager. Of all things.

OW asked me which of the cast I found attractive, which somehow turned round into a conversation about how or who we were attracted to in real life.

And that pretty much greased the slope toward a very nasty time in my life.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Amazing how conversing with another person about a shared interest can start an EA. 
Scary, really.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> It was a mutual interest in Star Trek Voyager. Of all things.
> 
> OW asked me which of the cast I found attractive, which somehow turned round into a conversation about how or who we were attracted to in real life.
> 
> And that pretty much greased the slope toward a very nasty time in my life.


Dude, if I could only find a woman who could talk to me about Star Trek..........


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Politics............ the xOM and I shared a love of politics (same political party) and history and geography..... Huh,.... I hadn't thought about that in a while. Because, I choose not to think about the xOM. But, it is ironic, and scary, how a common interest can grow into something big enough to, potentially, destroy a 31 year relationship..... Well, the relationship was already on life support so maybe it wasn't such a stretch. 

But, miracles happen and every once in a while........... marriages resurrect themselves............... yours did, MM, and so has mine and B1's.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

EI,

Your case is a good and rare example of surviving.....

MM,

I dont know your full case. I am happy that you and your spouse could rebuild marriage.

While there are a few cases of rebuilding, majority of A end up in disaster.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

So Sad Lady said:


> Amazing how conversing with another person about a shared interest can start an EA.
> Scary, really.


It sure can if one or both lack proper boundaries. Sadly. My H started with talking about work and working EVERY project together. EVERY SINGLE ONE. It was intentional to work together. If it had been left at that.....


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

My Hs mother died of cancer 4 years ago. xOWs mother died of cancer 3 months before their A started! Click!! My year of hell began!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

So Sad Lady said:


> Amazing how conversing with another person about a shared interest can start an EA.
> Scary, really.


Matt Matt had a revenge affair. So his situation is a little more understandable, IMO.

Still, I think most people who have affairs are looking for them at some point. Thus any interaction can lead to the affair if the AP is a willing target. 

I truly doubt affairs just happen out of the blue. The people who have them are open to them and may have been looking for one for some time before a convenient opportunity presents itself. 

The funny part is that all cheaters try to claim it was only an EA rather than a PA. Some times they get away with this for a loooooong time, too.

If I had not received later additional information that proved my STBEH claimed EA was really a PA that started as an EA, I would have believe his lies about it only being an EA.

That's the scary part. The part that I was still willing to believe he was being honest with me despite learning of a deception. 

I think they call this the trust bias afforded to spouses. 

If anyone else gave me the song and dance my STBEH gave me, about his affair only being an EA, I would have targeted it as a lie pronto.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Disenchanted said:


> Dude, if I could only find a woman who could talk to me about Star Trek..........


Lol....I may have an unhealthy obsession with Patrick Stewert. 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Disenchanted said:


> Dude, if I could only find a woman who could talk to me about Star Trek..........


My wife hates Star Trek, so that didn't help.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> Matt Matt had a revenge affair. So his situation is a little more understandable, IMO.
> 
> Still, I think most people who have affairs are looking for them at some point. Thus any interaction can lead to the affair if the AP is a willing target.
> 
> ...


But I wasn't looking for a revenge affair. Just someone who... I don't know? Someone who hadn't ripped my heart out? Not sure if that's it.

A female I could speak with without walking on eggshells for fear of triggering a negative reaction about her affair? Which sometimes happened with my wife?

The other thing we had in common, the OW and I, was a phenomenal capacity for alcohol. I know why I was self-medicating, didn't know what her problem was, but she was a very troubled woman.

S**t! We were made for each other. (NOT!) A Toxic match if ever there was one.


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