# New baby and husband wont give it up!



## smc24 (Oct 11, 2014)

I am just over three weeks postpartum and want to have sex! But he refuses saying its not time yet and that i need to heal. I have told him that i am fine now but he makes other excuses like "you need to be on birth control". That is a fair argument, considering that two children within 13 months has been heavy. 
The issue is we didnt have sex for about two months before i gave birth either. He didnt try and i didnt either because i was so uncomfortable. He told me he doesnt really find pregnant women attractive, which seemed like a legitimate answer. So it has been a looong time. We used to have sex almost daily, and im getting frustrated. When pregnant with baby number one sex was constant before(always me initiating) and ASAP after birth. I decided to look on here for similar situations, but all i find is the female partner is usually the one who refuses sex. Is this normal around the birth of a child or is this something else?

Not sure if this is relevant but I am 24, he is 30.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

3 weeks post is still a tad early. They recommend 4 weeks at least and up to 6-8 weeks for your body to heal. My guess is he doesn't want to hurt you.

2 babies within 13 months will scare some people. Maybe he doesn't want to get you pregnant again. That is completely understandable. Have you talked to a dr. about birth control?

He could just also be exhausted, as I am sure you probably are sometimes. There is a lot going on right now. 

So, you said he has a fair argument, why not go and get on BC and see where it goes from there?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Your husband is right, you are wrong. You can do other things to satisfy sexual urges besides coitus. 

He is scared as **** about getting you pregnant again. What are you doing to prevent that?


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

turnera said:


> Your husband is right, you are wrong. You can do other things to satisfy sexual urges besides coitus.
> 
> He is scared as **** about getting you pregnant again. What are you doing to prevent that?


There are ways around the pregnancy issue, and my boys are 11 months apart, so I've been there. 
Once her OBGYN said 'all is good' I dove in like a champ. When she got pregnant again she asked the Dr. what? How? He responded 'I think you know the recipe'

Check with the OB, get some condoms to allay his fears.

For the record, I find pregnant women sexy. Also non pregnant women. Soccer Moms. Single Moms. Church Moms. He'll some Grandma's. ;-)

Have a talk, if the doc says ok, and you prepare right maybe he'll be more relaxed and less apprehensive that 'IT' will happen again. 

Cheers,
V(13)
Ps. Also al little envious as baby 2 shut down our Barry White nights for some time. Good on ya!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

smc24 said:


> I have told him that i am fine now but he makes other excuses like "you need to be on birth control".


well, the obvious question: are you on birth control? If not, why the heck not???

he does not want more kids, period. get on the pill.

Is your weight heading back down to normal too? that can be a turn off to some men, seeing their post pregnant wife stuffing cake into her mouth when she is 50+ pounds heavier than she was just recently.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I think you should respect your husband's fears and get on birth control at your six to eight week follow up check-up. He does not want a repeat of a baby right away again. I think that's more than fair/reasonable. Two under 2 is alot to deal with. I have one 2 year old and he is like a tornado on two legs lol. I can't take hormones but most women can. They make a mini pill that is safe to take if you are nursing. An IUD is also a good option, there is the copper (no hormones) and mirena. Both are easier to insertfor women who have already been pregnant..

Until then, you can still fool around with manual stimulation and if you are not bleeding, oral sex. I waited 4 weeks, that's generally the shortest recommended time to wait to have sex (six to eight weeks is recommended) when my first was born.


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## smc24 (Oct 11, 2014)

Appt set up for an IUD but i have condoms, he is not interested in any sexual contact for now. I kept myself in shape before and during pregnancy, so that's not it. Thanks for the responses everyone, i am happy to know that it is related to pregnancy and not somwthing else!


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Just keep nuzzling him.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

smc24 said:


> Appt set up for an IUD but i have condoms, he is not interested in any sexual contact for now. I kept myself in shape before and during pregnancy, so that's not it. Thanks for the responses everyone, i am happy to know that it is related to pregnancy and not somwthing else!


I know it sounds like an over-reaction on his part but condoms can break... that's how my first born got here. With two kids so close in age, back-to-back I do think it is just a pregnancy fear. 

Glad you have an appt. I wouldn't try to pressure him but maybe suggest getting some spermicide for use with the condom AND pulling out. If that's still a no go then I guess you'll have to drop it but you two can still do sexual things without PIV intercourse. Fingering, hand-jobs, mutual masturbation, oral, sixty-nine etc. until your IUD is inserted.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ale-perspective-but-female-input-welcome.html

Just found this thread in General. I think this is the bigger problem here. Partners often withdraw sexually from us when they are cheating. He has a history of cheating online... is there anything else suspicious going on?


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Miss Taken said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ale-perspective-but-female-input-welcome.html
> 
> Just found this thread in General. I think this is the bigger problem here. Partners often withdraw sexually from us when they are cheating. He has a history of cheating online... is there anything else suspicious going on?


I agree. He is likely getting enough already from the online hookup sites that he joined. And you accept his response that "He deletes his hx because he is embarassed and doesnt want to share with anyone." Come on. What could he be texting that would be embarrassing besides texts to women from hookup sies?


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Yea, 2 babies in that short period of time would probably make me want to turn into a monk. Get on birth control or ask if he'd use protection. He can also pull out as he releases (obviously not full proof). 

2 babies in such a short period of time for a 30 year old (does he have other kids or this was his first?) is a huge leap in life. He went 30 without, now he has 2. Sex probably doesn't seem so great anymore, lol.


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## smc24 (Oct 11, 2014)

Sorry i am posting everywhere! New to this app but lesson learned. He hasnt done anything else suspicious, he uses the computer but he doesnt "go out", prefers not to drink ever. He just comes home after work, sometimes will go visit a friend or they will come over, but usually wants to be with us. The more time passes since being pregnant though, the more he becomes affectionate again and gives compliments. Thank you for all the input everyone.


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