# new information, really good news



## Dowjones (Sep 16, 2010)

You can read about my situation in my past posts, but a brief outline: My wife had a brief EA with one sex encounter. She told me that the moment he entered her, she broke away and fled and immediately disclosed everything to everyone. Me first, then Both sets of parents, our pastor, and her employer (the OM was a co-worker). Both she and the co-worker were fired, she has had no contact with him since that night and she has been totally transparent and remorseful since then. I have been in contact with the co-workers wife and she told me some news that has helped me to trust my wife again. My wife said that the second the encounter became physical, she ran away, and I have only partially believed her. Well, last weekend , the co-workers wife told me that she became suspicious when he came home with scratches on his face and a black eye!!! This goes a long way to proving my wife's story. I asked her about it, and she says that all she remembers is trying to fight him off and striking out at him, and that she doesn't remember doing him damage!! This news means the world to me, because now I have evidence that she never wanted it to ever get physical and that her story is more than likely true. A great Christmas present.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Good! Glad you got the confirmation you were looking for.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Dow, Yes this is good news! I've spent the past 10 months looking for ways to make myself feel better about what happend. 

It was only one encounter with one guy with no penetration, it was only kissing and up her shirt with the second guy, and the third guy it only went in (not in and out and in and out) and then they stopped (almost caught by the security guard at the rehab). There was no emotions involved with guy 2 & 3. She was on drugs, alcohol and depressed. She didn't stray for the prior 24 years. It was not "like her" to do this. Remorse, shame, guilt.....
The list goes on. I suppose anything helps with us trying to understand what is not understandable, or to make it easier. Bottom line is that they put themselves in a position for what happened to happen. They could have stopped it at any point along the way. (not to crap on your party)

I take pleasure in seeing where my marriage can go. I now have the capacity to have a truly outstanding marriage, unlike where we were heading before all of this sh*t happened! There was a problem in our marriage. It's being fixed. Happy New New New Year!


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

That's great.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I like!!!! Thanks, DJ, you made my day


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thats awsome, stuff like that helps balance out the dark thoughts. I to find things that reassures me in my wifes commitment and honesty. It feels good and makes it worth the effort we put in to our marriages.

I wish others on this site had our fortune, it sucks reading about how many wifes are still in the fog, and are still seeing the OM regardless of husband & kids and the regret the DS will have later on.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

I put spyware on my wife's phone on Wednesday. It didn't work right but it did record a 3 minute conversation with her best girlfriend where she said "can you believe it's been almost a year since I spoke w/ the OM?" I was happy to hear that she wasn't still sneaking around. While I have no reason to suspect, it's always nice to hear it for certain.
PS: She found out about the software on Saturday because for some reason, the browser opened on my cellphone to that page. It's a freaky "God" thing. I felt guilty about doing it and she was "meant" to find it. I apologized and removed it from her phone. She said she "deserved" it and wasn't mad at me for doing it!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Now thats what I'm talking about. When our DS steps up and understand the conseqences of there past behavior. They can except the fact that through our vigelence we can have trust.

The other day my W told me some guy wanted her to take his number, and my wife responded "that if my H finds it he will know everything about you with in 24 hours" we both laughed about it and we both know its so true 

I'm glad there are a few guys out there that have the W that really helps them heal.


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## Fallon (Dec 23, 2010)

Workingitout said:


> ...and the third guy it only went in (not in and out and in and out)... ...Happy New New New Year!


Ha ha! Oh! That's the best laugh I've had in a LONG time! Thanks Workingitout! And a happy New Year to you too.


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## Fallon (Dec 23, 2010)

DJ - I am so, so happy that you can have this as confirmation that your wife didn't want that sort of relationship with that man. It would make me feel heaps better, infact I actually felt a bit emotional reading your post (possibly because I wish I could give the other woman a black eye and a few other facial injuries) - it's nice to know that your spouse loves you enough to do it for you.

I can understand how something innocent can become something progressively less innocent, but there must be a point somewhere along the line, where that little red flag goes up that screams "THIS IS WRONG!" and you do all in your power to stop it.

I hope it was a real shiner!


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## Dowjones (Sep 16, 2010)

Fallon said:


> DJ - I am so, so happy that you can have this as confirmation that your wife didn't want that sort of relationship with that man. It would make me feel heaps better, infact I actually felt a bit emotional reading your post (possibly because I wish I could give the other woman a black eye and a few other facial injuries) - it's nice to know that your spouse loves you enough to do it for you.
> 
> I can understand how something innocent can become something progressively less innocent, but there must be a point somewhere along the line, where that little red flag goes up that screams "THIS IS WRONG!" and you do all in your power to stop it.
> 
> I hope it was a real shiner!


Thanks Fallon. My wife isn't a very big girl, so it was just a mouse, but it means a lot to me. Back when we were living together, before we were married, we would call Wednesday night, "adventure night", and do something crazy to break up the week. Once we went paintballing, another time we went to a farm and she was my, "peasant girl", once I took her to NYC and we were spies and she had to follow a series of clues to a rendezvous, wearing nothing but a trenchcoat, once she made my favorite dinner and had it delivered to my office by a couple of scantily clad girls and she (my wife) was the dessert.. It was always fun and exciting. We got away from it as I began working harder and harder. Now as an "attagirl", for this news I'm going to restart adventure night. I went online and bought her some very sexy lingerie, but also a dogcollar, leash and hadcuffs, and she is going to be my harem girl for the night. She will love it!!


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## Fallon (Dec 23, 2010)

:woohoo:

Go get'em, tiger!

Sounds like you guys really had some fun! I was in NYC in October. Loved it.


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## Dowjones (Sep 16, 2010)

Well, we had a really good holidays, and I hope that all of you had the same. We went to our Tuesday night counseling session tonight, and the therapist says that we only need to see her every three or four weeks from now on. She said that we've made such progress reconciling, that it almost seems that we are newlyweds. I know that I've learned a lot since this fall, and the most important thing is that I will never neglect her again. I wasn't there for her, during her health crisis, even though I thought I was doing the right thing. She said that she never in the world believed that she and co-worker would have sex, and that once it started she immediately stopped it , fought him off and ran away. Now after finding out all of the information, I know I can believe her. We are two people, who love each other, but lost sight of it, for a while. She with her concerns about childbirth and me with my drive to be rich. So I think that in May , when the flowers are coming up, we will adopt a baby. What do you posters think of this idea?


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

I think that is an excellent idea!

Just make sure you both are as prepared for it mentally and physically. The darned little buggers have a way of draining your energies! (We have 2) 

Never ever lose sight of whats important and thats the 2 of you! Had I known then when my first child was born, what I know now - I would have made more time to engage my wife and make that together time without the baby that you both will need! 

Good luck on the recovery DJ!


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## Dowjones (Sep 16, 2010)

Thanks, Power, thats good advice. I'm pretty geeked about the idea, too. Needless to say , my wife is in the clouds.


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