# Separated 6 months...big waste of time



## onceagain (May 31, 2011)

Instead of just walking away 6 months ago, my husband said we'd get a "do-over" since our blended family situation was so hectic and took a toll ON US. We both agreed we really loved each other and just rushed into things, killing our marriage basically. Well, after I hear him say for 6 months, "I need more time", "I'm sure I'll come back", "You work on you, I'll work on me", "I don't want the divorce RIGHT NOW", "One day I want one thing, the next I want something else", etc., he has now thrown in the towel. My eyes have been swollen from crying for 6 months. I have made all of the changes necessary to fix me (counseling, self reflection, etc) and he's even said I've done everything "perfectly" and he knows I've changed. Here's the catch now he says he likes calling all the shots and not having to worry about another person. Not having to worry about birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's day, romance. He says he's realized how jealous he is over me and how much he cannot stand it. He says he didn't relaize how bad he felt in our marriage until he was on his own and had something to compare it to. Says even if we divorce now, maybe when he comes out of this he'll come back. Ya right!! HE COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT 6 MONTHS AGO!!

So be careful when you consider letting your spouse go. Freedom is apparently more important than marriage vows to some and they WON'T come back no matter what you do! Stay together in the house and try to work things out. Asking him to move out was the worst mistake I could have made. Might as well have just filed the papers the day he left. 

I wonder how many couples ever survive a physical separation??


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Not that many. Separation is a step toward divorce


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I've always thought that separation is a step closer to divorce rather than reconciliation. It can be useful sometimes if the two people are too much in each others faces to be able to deal with their problems, but if that's the case, they've got plenty of work to do before getting back together. Or if one spouse needs a wake up call about the grass not being greener on the other side of the fence. 

In your case, your husband very well might have been telling you the truth. Maybe he delayed telling you because he didn't want to hurt your feelings. Who knows. And who knows if it would have ended any better or sooner if you would have stuck it out together. Maybe you would have dragged it out longer and ended up REALLY angry at each other.

C
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

> "I don't want the divorce RIGHT NOW",


That sentence alone would have made me decide to end it.

"Right now" means that someday it will happen.

My husband moved out and divorce has never been mentioned. It's only been two months, mind you. But when he moved out, i asked if we were heading towards divorce and he said no.



So, that quote from your husband would have been enough for me.

I'm sorry you are going through this though  It's like having to go through it all over again.

What is you plan of action now?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

onceagain said:


> Instead of just walking away 6 months ago, my husband said we'd get a "do-over" since our blended family situation was so hectic and took a toll ON US. We both agreed we really loved each other and just rushed into things, killing our marriage basically. Well, after I hear him say for 6 months, "I need more time", "I'm sure I'll come back", "You work on you, I'll work on me", "I don't want the divorce RIGHT NOW", "One day I want one thing, the next I want something else", etc., he has now thrown in the towel. My eyes have been swollen from crying for 6 months. I have made all of the changes necessary to fix me (counseling, self reflection, etc) and he's even said I've done everything "perfectly" and he knows I've changed. Here's the catch now he says he likes calling all the shots and not having to worry about another person. Not having to worry about birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's day, romance. He says he's realized how jealous he is over me and how much he cannot stand it. He says he didn't relaize how bad he felt in our marriage until he was on his own and had something to compare it to. Says even if we divorce now, maybe when he comes out of this he'll come back. Ya right!! HE COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT 6 MONTHS AGO!!
> 
> So be careful when you consider letting your spouse go. Freedom is apparently more important than marriage vows to some and they WON'T come back no matter what you do! Stay together in the house and try to work things out. Asking him to move out was the worst mistake I could have made. Might as well have just filed the papers the day he left.
> 
> I wonder how many couples ever survive a physical separation??


Mine says he wants to leave for a month to see how we do without him. Scary thought! He'd leave and be just him, I'd be with 4 kids and 2 dogs. I've been alone before, he should be careful, we might manage just fine. And he might like the peace as well.
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