# End of Reconciliation?



## WallsAreUp (Oct 18, 2012)

My wife had an affair a year ago right around this time. I did a full 180 and started interviewing lawyers and was headed towards divorce. She snapped out of it in the middle of October. I set ground rules such as no Facebook and we began to reconcile. The first 4-5 months were great. She did exactly the right stuff like asking how I was and always checking in to let me know where she was. And of course the HB was awesome. The last few months things have been going downhill to the point I've told her several times she isn't giving me what I need and things need to change. Unfortunately she hasn't taken any action and sex has even gone away for over 7 weeks now. I cornered her into a discussion yesterday and she just isn't feeling it. She said not having sex hasn't even bothered her. I said what do you want. She says she doesn't know and mumbled about how complicated things are with our lives intertwined. I said ya, that is marriage. I basically take it as she isn't happy but there is no easy exit due to us having a house and 3 year old together. I think I may end up in the "going through divorce section" but wanted to get some feedback first. We did do counseling for a couple months into reconciliation but stopped when things were going good. I asked and she said she would go back. Not sure if its worth it or just a formality at this point. 

We have been married 4.5 years but together more than 7. I have a 10 year old stepdaughter and we have a 3 year old son together. I'm 36 and she is 33. 

Any advice is appreciated. 

Thanks.

Apologies for any errors, I'm typing on an ipad.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Go back into spy mode. There's a good chance she has hooked back up with the affair partner or she has a new one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WallsAreUp (Oct 18, 2012)

I've been getting that bad feeling but haven't seen any evidence. If I find anything it's a deal breaker. Fool me once, ...


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Ok, it sounds like there is a big part of the story missing here.

What led her to the affair? Remember, that path is almost always a two way street, so what was your share of that and what have you done to correct it? What behaviors or issues of yours did she outline as being unacceptable to her? Everything you described above concerns your expectations of behavior from her and how she is now failing to meet them, but what have been her expectations of you and have you managed to stick to your course of change too?

My concern is that you might be seeing it as, "she had an affair, and that incident is being viewed through a very slender telescope as if it is a completely isolated event for which she alone is responsible."


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## WallsAreUp (Oct 18, 2012)

We became complacent in our relationship. She was overwhelmed with housework and a young kid and felt like I didn't do my part. She was undiagnosed OCD but is now taking meds for it. Also found out her love language is service. During this entire time I have been helping more and making sure she doesn't need more help by talking to her. Does that help?


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