# Anyone else have wives who get mad when your sick?



## 3kgtmitsu (Jul 28, 2012)

So, its been a rough month for me, about 2 weeks ago I caught a bug and lost my voice, felt kind of crappy but I pushed thru it. I just finally recovered about a week ago, this weekend my daughter was down with the flu, and of course a couple days ago I was blessed with it too.

That brings me to my wife, she has acted completely annoyed by the fact that Im running a 101 fever and want to stay in bed as much as possible and recover. Its come down to being condescending to accusing me of faking it. Believe me I have no reason to fake being sick because I hate it, and the thermometer doesn't lie lol.

Its a double standard, when shes sick she does nothing at all, and is supposed to be catered on, but if I'm down im completely on my own, and by golly if the household chores are not finished theres hell to pay and she will have some kind of insult locked and loaded for me. Btw, shes super anal about the way I do the chores and nothing is ever up to her standards, but its also a double standard, its ok for her to half ass stuff around the house or not do it at all. 

So mostly just venting, I know this is a common issue, it just makes me wonder whats the point of being married to someone who only cares about themselves?


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. 

Gosh, I wish some of you could return your spouses and get your money back. These people some of you have married, Idk. They just sound cold and heartless.


----------



## 3kgtmitsu (Jul 28, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
> 
> Gosh, I wish some of you could return your spouses and get your money back. These people some of you have married, Idk. They just sound cold and heartless.



They should come with a warning label that reads "after 2 years I will completely change" LOL

in her defense, shes under a lot of stress with a new job and all, but shes acted like this long before the job was a factor. If we could eliminate the bad attitude and the lack of empathy she would be a great wife, but that's a tall order especially when she doesn't view her actions as a problem. Whats even worse is she is a registered nurse, her job is to care for people.

I normally never get sick, this year I have been hit hard, its a combination of being under stress and some medicine I take suppresses my immune system.


----------



## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

Down two weeks no good. Hope you've been to the Dr. To make sure you don't need Antibotics. Are you sure it's just viral and not a bacterial infection? I would only be annoyed with my husband, if he's complaining and doesn't get checked out if it's longer than a week.I hope you get to feeling better!


----------



## 3kgtmitsu (Jul 28, 2012)

I was not really down, I was just working through a cold during the 2 weeks, I was still at work every day, just went to bed a bit earlier. This weekend though it hit me pretty hard...and was definitely something diffierent, im about 80% recovered from it today however.


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

That's why so many people get divorced... you can only take so much sh$%. 3.5 billion other women in the world...


----------



## 3kgtmitsu (Jul 28, 2012)

GuyInColorado said:


> That's why so many people get divorced... you can only take so much sh$%. 3.5 billion other women in the world...


Yep, but with kids in the mix that makes things complicated. It would be easy otherwise.


----------



## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

She's probably pouring her stress out on you. I would talk to her about how she talks to you and if there's anything she would like to talk about, whats bothering her.


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

3kgtmitsu said:


> So, its been a rough month for me, about 2 weeks ago I caught a bug and lost my voice, felt kind of crappy but I pushed thru it. I just finally recovered about a week ago, this weekend my daughter was down with the flu, and of course a couple days ago I was blessed with it too.
> 
> That brings me to my wife, she has acted completely annoyed by the fact that Im running a 101 fever and want to stay in bed as much as possible and recover. Its come down to being condescending to accusing me of faking it. Believe me I have no reason to fake being sick because I hate it, and the thermometer doesn't lie lol.
> 
> ...


Quite a few women are like this. You are meant to be the strong one. When you are sick there are two possibilities:
1 You are letting them down.
2 You are just faking it.
Believing the second is more comforting, so we have 'man-flu'.
Patients are meant to be sick, you are meant to be strong. She will probably say you are the wimp when you are ill and carries bravely on, but it is to believe that you are still the strong on and needing support and empathy is her role.


----------



## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

I don't get angry when my partner is sick but I get annoyed because when I'm sick I still have to get up and look after the kids and house or nothing gets done. So when he is sick I really don't care that much because if I can solider on, so can he. Lol


----------



## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

Cleigh said:


> I don't get angry when my partner is sick but I get annoyed because when I'm sick I still have to get up and look after the kids and house or nothing gets done. So when he is sick I really don't care that much because if I can solider on, so can he. Lol



Lol I so agree.
Take this week, I had the flu yet was able to get the kids up and to school/daycare, catch up on laundry and get the dishes done. H now has the flu and it's the end of the world. Cannot even get up to get himself a drink lol.

Sounds like your wife is around sick people all day and then gets annoyed when you are sick. I work in healthcare and see that from co workers. Someone being sick at home means they don't get a break from work. Not that it's right but that's what it sounds like to me. Hope it gets better. 



Sent from my iPhone


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

So many men are like this... Yeah, who would really know, just easy to say isn't it.

Anyway, your spouse lacking empathy for you is a big warning to start having some significant talks with them about the Marriage and where you both see it heading, imo.


----------



## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

When my stbx got/gets sick I have little empathy. Mostly because he constantly brings up my weight issues, doesn't take care of his own health, gets sick conveniently and and often, and is a hypochondriac. He is always complaining about some ailment, injury, or his add. He thinks he is great by letting me rest when I am sick but he doesn't pick up the slack re: the kids/house etc so I know I will have triple the work when I am well so I just do the work while I am sick. 

To that last point that is where the faking it comes in. Even if some spouses really are sick they become completely incapable of anything including getting a pot to puke in for themselves. Yet for some reason that same spouse may play video games or work on some hobby etc etc so the non sick spouse will be all wtf. That's where the faking it accusation usually comes up. Basically if you aren't puking or sleeping most of the day then you aren't as sick as you claim to be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## theworkwidow (Feb 24, 2016)

My H is almost never sick but when he is he's the biggest baby in the world about it. Expects to be babied and catered to even if I'm just as sick as he is. When I get sick he gets annoyed and accuses me of faking it. He won't help out at all. Absolutely hates Drs too. Wouldn't even go with me to our son's Drs appointments when he was a baby even when our son got so sick I really needed someone else to drive so I could have stayed in the back seat with him.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

3kgtmitsu said:


> They should come with a warning label that reads "after 2 years I will completely change" LOL
> 
> in her defense, shes under a lot of stress with a new job and all, but shes acted like this long before the job was a factor. If we could eliminate the bad attitude and the lack of empathy she would be a great wife, but that's a tall order especially when she doesn't view her actions as a problem. Whats even worse is she is a registered nurse, her job is to care for people.
> 
> I normally never get sick, this year I have been hit hard, its a combination of being under stress and some medicine I take suppresses my immune system.


Well, you wouldn’t have started a thread if it didn’t bother you. It’s okay to speak up that you’re not being treated well.


----------



## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Cleigh said:


> I don't get angry when my partner is sick but I get annoyed because when I'm sick I still have to get up and look after the kids and house or nothing gets done. So when he is sick I really don't care that much because if I can solider on, so can he. Lol


Yep, when the husbands are sick they lay in bed and want to get waited on. When the wife is sick they still have to get up and take care of the children, the house and now the sick husband. How many husbands take off work to wait on the wife and take care of the children and house? Not many I'm guessing.


----------



## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

It's not just spouses, OP.

Society-in-general scoffs at, minimizes, ridicules, and has little empathy for the ill, disabled, injured, and suffering.

It's a primal way to treat a member of society who isn't contributing. Maybe its some sort of herd mentality.


----------



## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

Happilymarried25 said:


> Yep, when the husbands are sick they lay in bed and want to get waited on. When the wife is sick they still have to get up and take care of the children, the house and now the sick husband. How many husbands take off work to wait on the wife and take care of the children and house? Not many I'm guessing.


Holy generalizations, batman. I'm a guy and when I get sick (which is seldom, fortunately), I don't want to get waited on at all. I want to sleep it off and get up when I feel better - end of story. I don't ask my wife for anything, nor do I expect anything from her when I'm sick. 

On the other side, my kids are older so it's not such a big deal to take care of the kids, dogs, and house, but if my wife is sick I'll do all that willingly. It's funny - she always says she never gets sick, but it seems to me that she's the one who gets sick more frequently. Recently, she came down with a really bad cold that laid her up for 2 days and I took care of her, and everything else around the house. That's the way it should be, no?


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

OP, just a little something from the other side. And I have no reason to believe this applies to you, but it did bring up an old memory for me. My ex believed only in crisis management when it came to his health. He had bleeding hemorrhoids for a week, but never shared it with me until 7 am on a Saturday morning (the kids were 2 and 6 at the time) and he insisted I call the MD and explain the situation (who couldn't do anything on a Saturday) and then take him to the ER without the kids. I mean yelling, screaming and cursing about how I didn't support him when he was sick. (Obviously you didn't react that way) So I get to find a place for the kids and take him over. I honestly wasn't mad until he shared with the ER MD how long this had been going on. Then yep, I was mad. He could have gone to our family MD during the week and had this taken care of in the office. Instead, he waited so I would take care of it, and we get stuck with an ER bill. After that I absolutely refused to call the MD for him-for anything. And from his POV, I was then unsupportive of his medical issues.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

My question is when you confront her on this and tell her this isn't acceptable what does she say. You will never change anything without acknowledging it. When I was married for 8 years I was really sick/laid up maybe 3 times. One was a sinus infection that was horrible, once was the flu and once I was in a car accident I almost died. I would say in the beginning of the relationship my X was more tolerant than in the end. I remember clearly that she was seriously annoyed when I had a sinus infection because I ended up in the ER, money spent, and I couldn't cook for her or my daughter. Looking back all this should have been a warning sign. I think you need to confront and find out what her deal is.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

What did she say when you told her you were not okay with being accused of faking being sick, as well as not being okay with her attitude toward you being sick?

Or is that question rhetorical?

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Lloyd Dobler said:


> Holy generalizations, batman. I'm a guy and when I get sick (which is seldom, fortunately), I don't want to get waited on at all. I want to sleep it off and get up when I feel better - end of story. I don't ask my wife for anything, nor do I expect anything from her when I'm sick.
> 
> On the other side, my kids are older so it's not such a big deal to take care of the kids, dogs, and house, but if my wife is sick I'll do all that willingly. It's funny - she always says she never gets sick, but it seems to me that she's the one who gets sick more frequently. Recently, she came down with a really bad cold that laid her up for 2 days and I took care of her, and everything else around the house. That's the way it should be, no?


I brought my Danish girlfriend to England. The group of women were discussing what big crybabies their boyfriends were when they got sick. My gf told them that I was actually rather stoic and would not make a big deal of it. She could not understand why they all gave her dirty looks.

Some of their boyfriends probably are stoic, some of them might be stoic. It is just something women in the Anglo-Saxon world say and secure men typically play along with. However, it does not belong on a marriage forum where candor is required.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

I'll admit that I haven't been the most empathetic person when H is 'sick' but that's because he's only 'too sick' to take care of his responsibilities. He's not 'too sick' to fiddle around with his hobbies. 

OP, did you by chance participate in activities while sick that a truly sick individual would not be doing? If you did, that's probably why your wife thinks you're exaggerating. 

As someone else said, nurses see the worst of the worst cases. A flu to them is minor stuff. Her attitude could just be a by product of her career choice.


----------



## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

I've never gotten mad at my husband for being sick to be honest. In a little selfish way, I kind of like being able to take care of him, since he's usually like a rock and never needs or asks for anything. I call him a robot all the time, that man never complains about anything. When he is sick is one of the few times I feel needed, even if just a little. He will still try to power through it the most he can. He's always pushing himself very hard.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Mr The Other said:


> Quite a few women are like this. You are meant to be the strong one. When you are sick there are two possibilities:
> 1 You are letting them down.
> 2 You are just faking it.
> Believing the second is more comforting, so we have 'man-flu'.
> Patients are meant to be sick, you are meant to be strong. She will probably say you are the wimp when you are ill and carries bravely on, but it is to believe that you are still the strong on and needing support and empathy is her role.





Mr The Other said:


> Some of their boyfriends probably are stoic, some of them might be stoic. It is just something women in the Anglo-Saxon world say and secure men typically play along with. However, it does not belong on a marriage forum where candor is required.


:bsflag:

Yeah, so it's ok to make generalisations, as long as they're about women.


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

*Deidre* said:


> I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
> 
> Gosh, I wish some of you could return your spouses and get your money back. These people some of you have married, Idk. They just sound cold and heartless.


I would be first in line if I could just return her and not have to deal with her anymore or any monitary issues it would cause...they can keep the money.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Funny enough, I get the opposite reaction. My wife gets annoyed at me b/c I never tell her when I don't feel well, and she usually only finds out when I really start to hit rock bottom (or have o explain to her why I went to the doctor lol). IDK, just not really looking for sympathy, but I think for her, she likes the idea of being able to take care of me.


----------



## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife gets mad when I am sick but I know that is because she loves me and is worried about me. She is not mad at me. She is mad at the sickness. I am the same way. It is how we bury our true worry.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

3kgtmitsu Tell me, how come you, a commoner, was able to marry a Princess? :rolleyes


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

The only time I got angry at my husband when he was sick, was when he told me - at 5pm - that he'd had chest pain ALL DAY!!! It woke him up, and was severe enough for him to think "Maybe I should wake Frusdil" but of course he didn't...when he told me that afternoon and how long he'd had it I hit the roof!!! I insisted we go to hospital immediately - he was going to take extra Vitamin C, lol.

He was admitted to hospital - he had a blocked artery AND a friggin' clot in his heart!!!!! Two weeks before our wedding. If I hadn't insisted we go to hospital straight away he wouldn't be here now 

And yet, if he gets a cold he's the biggest sooky lala you've ever met, go figure, lol!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It's all down to science! Man flu is no myth as scientists prove men suffer more from disease - Telegraph


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

breeze said:


> :bsflag:
> 
> Yeah, so it's ok to make generalisations, as long as they're about women.


True! I have seen this, but it is not universal. I have had women care for me when I have been unwell and I have had women appreciative when I have cared for them. No doubt there also many men who do make a big fuss. _mea culpa_ Illness is one of those things that is emotional enough that we cannot really tell who is stoice and who just makes a fuss.

For the OP though, people come on here as the stereotypes we generally hear do not help. He will get plenty of responses from people telling him he was not really ill, but he probably was. There is a general response, I believe, in the UK and USA to presume that husbands are not really ill, and I do think there is basis if sexism to it.


----------



## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

frusdil said:


> The only time I got angry at my husband when he was sick, was when he told me - at 5pm - that he'd had chest pain ALL DAY!!! It woke him up, and was severe enough for him to think "Maybe I should wake Frusdil" but of course he didn't...when he told me that afternoon and how long he'd had it I hit the roof!!! I insisted we go to hospital immediately - he was going to take extra Vitamin C, lol.
> 
> He was admitted to hospital - he had a blocked artery AND a friggin' clot in his heart!!!!! Two weeks before our wedding. If I hadn't insisted we go to hospital straight away he wouldn't be here now
> 
> And yet, if he gets a cold he's the biggest sooky lala you've ever met, go figure, lol!


I know many men like this. In the beginning of my marriage my husband came home home coughing blood. I only found out because of the bloody tissue I found in his pocket. He had been coughing blood foe two days and not said anything. I took him to the H where they gave him an emergency biopsy and found sarcoid in his lungs. He never complained..not once. But a cold, flu,or papercut and he is the biggest baby.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

I was right called out for sexist generalisations, but this thread is full of them.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I don't mind taking care of my H when he is sick. I love to baby and order him around. It's when he is feeling better but not quite recovered that he is a pain in the hinne. Then, he wants something nice to eat but can figure out what he wants. And he is just plain unhappy. Those are hard days.

On the other hand, when I am sick he gets mad. Because he hates seeing me sick and I don't need him for anything. I just like to be left alone with a pot of tea and some coke. He does not know what to do to make me better. So, he comes for as mad. I have to remind him that I am sick and to get over himself. 

I think OP's wife being a nurse is all used up at work. So, him being sick is just like her being at work. She does not want to deal with that when she is at home. Hopefully he does not get sick often.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> I just like to be left alone with a pot of tea and some *coke.*


Rock on @brooklynAnn, maybe your H gets mad b/c he wants some of your stash


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> Rock on @brooklynAnn, maybe your H gets mad b/c he wants some of your stash


that will knock the sickness right outa me. >


----------



## 3kgtmitsu (Jul 28, 2012)

LOL at the responses here.

My wife came down with the same bug a day or two after I posted this. Of course she needed to be waited on hand and foot, and I didn't mind. 

But if you read my thread in the divorce / separation section you get a little more insight as to whats going on. She was basically mad because I was sleeping a lot extra and not downstairs doing the dishes. Sigh.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

3kgtmitsu said:


> LOL at the responses here.
> 
> My wife came down with the same bug a day or two after I posted this. Of course she needed to be waited on hand and foot, and I didn't mind.
> 
> But if you read my thread in the divorce / separation section you get a little more insight as to whats going on. She was basically mad because I was sleeping a lot extra and not downstairs doing the dishes. Sigh.


That's pretty sad; more the fact that you allow someone to treat you like a doormat than the fact someone treats you like a doormat.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

3kgtmitsu, it would be interesting to hear this from her point of view but I guess from your perspective she sounds harsh. 

However the experience with my own H is when he is sick, the whole world must stop and notice and he must be pampered and taken care of. however when i am sick, life goes on, chores go on, work goes on, I have even driven myself to hospital in the first stages of labour, have checked into the hospital alone because something was happening at his work. So yes, I might react a little like your wife


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

OK, now we have established that all men are cry babies who are never actually sick and that men should not generalize about women, can we concentrate on the OP?


----------



## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

That seems pretty unkind of her. Would it be fair to say there are other issues in your marriage than this one? Just wondering if this behavior is reflecting some other tensions between the two of you? 

I was nothing but kind and patient with my exH when he was really sick in the beginning of our marriage. Towards the end, he was such little help with our son or at home, that I would just lose patience with him when he got sick - it felt like he expected me to treat him like a kid, and I think that was just kind of a gross dynamic. 

I know it's totally irrational. I made a lot of mistakes, and if I could go back, maybe I would have been kinder when he was sick after D Day. But mostly it just pi$$ed me off. 

Could it depend, maybe, on how each spouse was treated when sick, as they were growing up? When I was a little kid, and actually sick, with chickenpox or something, my mother was soooo indulgent. I got soup and crackers and medicine on a tray in bed, and cool washcloths on my forehead. Lot of check-ins every half hour or so. But as I grew up, if I was making a fuss over a little cold, or something, unless I actually had a fever or another symptom, I was basically told to buck up and go to school. I feel like it was probably good for me. Nobody at work is going to tell you to say home for a bit of nasal congestion. You're expected to show up and do your job. That was the work ethic I grew up with. My exH was more from a household where you were encouraged to rest for low-grade colds and stuff so you didn't get sicker. Not sure what the respective science is behind those things. But it did annoy me when he would lay in bed for a little cold, and not go into work. 

Does your wife have a different outlook on being sick from you in general? You say she expects to rest. Is that when she's really sick? When she just has the sniffles? Can you be more specific?


----------



## Bam-bam (Sep 24, 2015)

3kgtmitsu said:


> So, its been a rough month for me, about 2 weeks ago I caught a bug and lost my voice, felt kind of crappy but I pushed thru it. I just finally recovered about a week ago, this weekend my daughter was down with the flu, and of course a couple days ago I was blessed with it too.
> 
> That brings me to my wife, she has acted completely annoyed by the fact that Im running a 101 fever and want to stay in bed as much as possible and recover. Its come down to being condescending to accusing me of faking it. Believe me I have no reason to fake being sick because I hate it, and the thermometer doesn't lie lol.
> 
> ...


Oh man! I can totally relate! My wife is supportive for the most part on the first day that I'm sick. After that, her support goes out the window and I feel like I have somehow wronged her by being sick and actually trying to take care of myself. It's not even like I ask her to be my nurse or anything. I can take care of myself, but when I'm sick I expect my partner to either pick up on the slack that I'm leaving behind or just let things slide until I'm better. I also hate the whole "man cold" thing that gets thrown around. It's one thing to be a big baby about being sick, but then there's actually being reasonable about needing time to recover and rest.

The big difference between our stories though is that my wife won't allow herself to rest if she's sick. She pushes through it. I'm completely and utterly willing to take care of everything so she can rest, but 9 times out of 10, she won't let me. She'll force herself to do everything that she usually does. It drives me nuts. I think she expects me to do the same thing for her.... kind of how I expect her to do the same thing as me, which is rest so you can get better.

ugh. Marriage. *throws a big stack of papers in the air in disgust and watches them flutter down to the ground* lol. 

Anyway, I feel ya. I can totally relate.


----------

