# Separated, am now considering divorce but unsure.



## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

Considering divorce, but unsure it would be the right decision.

I’ll try to keep it short and sweet, but would like to hear other’s opinions on how to proceed.

Long story short, we’ve been married 20 years now, no children. We got married in Vegas on a whim, since we had been living together for almost 2 years by then. He never proposed to me, never gave me an engagement ring, we never had a wedding. Which I was ‘sort’ of was ok with, since I’m not a materialistic person anyway. So I let it slide for many years, until I started to realize he’s just lazy and never wanted to go through the trouble. He expected me to do everything, and still does. I have a full time job plus work as a realtor on weekends; I run the household, take care of all the finances, take care of the cars maintenance, do all the cooking/ cleaning/yard work. He basically just goes to work, watches TV and golfs. If a light bulb goes out, I’m the one who runs to Home Depot to get it replaced.

About 2 years ago I discovered he was having an emotional affair with one of his staff members (server at restaurant he managed). He swears up and down they were just friends and she “needed” him since she was going through a tough time in her personal life. He never considered it cheating because it never got physical (which I believe him) since the past 5 years or so, we had been in a sexless marriage. He has a much lower sex drive than I do, and he always seemed uninterested when I initiated it, so I stopped trying. He never wanted to discuss it. He’s kind of a prude when it comes to sex, doesn’t want to discuss it and is conservative in that aspect. I’ve asked him to please go to a doctor and get tested for low testosterone and have his prostate checked, but he always seems to put it off and never goes.

We had long talks/emails about our problems – I suggested marriage counseling but he refused and said he wanted to work on his problems himself. By no means am I perfect; I tend to be strong willed, opinionated and always want my way. I don’t feel comfortable talking to strangers about our problems but was willing to do it to try to salvage our marriage. 

I’ve made the changes that we talked about, but after a year he was “still working on his issues on his own.” We even started having sex again (infrequently and when it did happen, he always had trouble finishing). He always tells me he loves me, his life would be nothing without me, etc, etc. I always tell him ‘actions speak louder than words” especially since he has a history of lying and being dishonest. A few years ago we got audited to the IRS due to his lying/cheating on our taxes. I was furious! All along I had been warning him not to take those deductions but he refused to heed my advice and thought he could get away with it.

So about 8 months ago I decided we should have a trial separation and took a job transfer to Honolulu. I asked him if he was willing to come with me, but he was reluctant to do so (gave various excuses) but didn’t want ME to go either. He consulted with a “psychic” who told him it might strengthen our marriage if we separated for a while. We talked every day and texted each other frequently and everything was going ok. 

Last month, he had a job interview here in Honolulu with a major hotel and they made him a great offer - $41k MORE than what he’s making now, plus relocation. Wow! I was so excited that he would come here and we could start fresh, a new chapter since I did not want to go back to Phoenix. But he decided that no, he wasn’t going to accept the job. Various excuses, like “oh, it’s going to be a lot of work, dealing with union employees, didn’t like the guy who would be his boss, yada, yada, yada.” I reminded him that he would be crazy not to take that job, considering all the sacrifices I’ve made during our marriage and that we’d be together. He insisted that just because he didn’t take the job here, didn’t mean he didn’t love me nor want us to be together – huh? In my mind, that’s exactly what it means!

So I told him he could stay back in his comfortable little world, where he wouldn’t have to make any effort nor changes to improve our relationship, keep living with his head buried in the sand, and that I would be filing for divorce (that word has come up in the past). Of course, he doesn’t want divorce – and why would he? He thinks I will come back home to our house in Phoenix and just continue like if nothing ever happened.

I’m really just SOOO tired of having the same conversation/ discussions with him and nothing ever changes. And frankly, after he rejected that great job offer, I’ve lost all respect for him. I’m scared of taking the plunge, tho. I’ve always been self-sufficent and independent but it’s hard to take such a big step and be on my own again after all these years.

Any advice?


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

You have to do what makes you happy. Trying to save a marriage takes two participants just as it takes two to destroy one. Yes from my seat in the park, he is sabotaging the job and/or using it as a manipulation tactic. I'm a guy so I know all of these tricks, I just rather not put them into play.

Any kiddos involved?


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

No children involved, so that makes it easier. That's why I just packed my personal stuff and left for Hawaii - to give him time to work on his issues.

Interesting take on the manipulation tactic - I do realize he is very passive-aggressive; not sure if it falls under the same category.

Sigh ... for now I guess the "don't contact me anymore" rule applies. He still texts/calls but I don't respond.


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

I agree. Sometimes self preservation is a tough choice to make; but in the end its what is most important and absolutely necessary if you want to continue life. I highly recommend a book "Who's Pulling Your Strings?" Its quite helping in recognizing manipulators and how to cope with it. Good luck to you.


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

argh ... so today I received flowers and a balloon delivered wishing me happy birthday (which is upcoming). Would it be rude to just ignore him? proper etiquette suggests I should at least thank him but I'm worried this will start another cycle of re-hashing the same stuff over and over


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

It sounds like the power is all yours. Since you are completely self sufficient & did nearly everything for him, I think you are in control of what you want for happiness. Saying thank you & being polite shouldn't change anything?
This all sounds closer to a mother/son relationship instead of husband/wife?
I think he believes if he gives enough excuses why he can't leave, then you'll come running back & take care of him.
You sound like a smart & mature woman, so don't settle for less than you deserve.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> I’m really just SOOO tired of having the same conversation/ discussions with him and nothing ever changes. And frankly, after he rejected that great job offer, I’ve lost all respect for him. I’m scared of taking the plunge, tho. I’ve always been self-sufficent and independent but it’s hard to take such a big step and be on my own again after all these years.
> 
> Any advice?


*Why are you scared, you are already on your own now?*


Your man had an emotional affair, Has sexual problems, got you in trouble with the IRS, makes you change light bulbs, Turns down a $41K pay increase, refuses to make any considerations to be with you, no ring, no proposal, and no wedding.
His actions sure do speak louder than words!

The intellectual part of your question is a slam dunk! This man is not even close to treating you fairly. Besides that he lies, cheats, and has a serious sexual problem but refuses to get counseling. *Are you an enabler!*


I suspect you are having trouble in the emotional part; why else would you allow such treatment? If it is an emotional attachment you have to him or insecurity I can only see that if you stay with him both will increase the trap that you are in.

You are a woman that is still young enough to get another man if you want. You are quite a catch! You work, are responsible, do more than your share at home, have no children, and you are a forgiving person. The only thing that maybe not so attractive is that you allowed a man to walk on you; 
*do you have self-esteem problems?*


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

Yes, I am already on my own. I gave up our big, lovely house in Phoenix to come live in a tiny, overpriced studio apt. He could not phantom why I would give up all the material things we had and downgrade my quality of life. To me, they are just material things - he places more value on those things than I do.

I don't think I have self-esteem issues; normally I am self-assured and confident. but I don't want to hurt him and he's made it a point to tell me that I sometimes act condescending towards him and am critical of him which I've tried to improve on.

Of course I have an emotional attachment ... we've been married 20 years and he's a very giving, kind, easy-going man.

I'm just having trouble letting go apparently


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

20 years is a long time but do you really think things are going to change? That is the question you have to ask yourself. This guy seems to have a lot of unresolved issues and it doesn't really bother him. My guess is, if you would have let things go the way they were going, you would still be there and there would be no conflicts.
You can't beg or force someone to change, they have to care enough about you to want to do it themselves. THe fact that he either blows off or puts off any kind of effort should give you your answer.
Of course he doesn't want this. Heck, you do everything for him, you are more like his Mom than his wife??
Letting go is hard, you just have to look at what your future could be and what is will end up being, if you stay??


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

woundedwarrior said:


> Letting go is hard, you just have to look at what your future could be and what is will end up being, if you stay??


I guess it's letting go of the idea that we could both grow old together and be there for each other. I have 10 more years to work before I can retire - and then what? Don't have children, nor family (except for a few scattered aunts/cousins throughout the country). Doesn't look too appealing to me, lol.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> I guess it's letting go of the idea that we could both grow old together and be there for each other. I have 10 more years to work before I can retire - and then what? Don't have children, nor family (except for a few scattered aunts/cousins throughout the country). Doesn't look too appealing to me, lol.



*



You are a woman that is still young enough to get another man if you want. You are quite a catch! You work, are responsible, do more than your share at home, have no children, and you are a forgiving person

Click to expand...

*.


Your life is not over. You even have the option of having a good life without any man. Get more acquainted with your aunts/cousins, etc. 

There are always pets and they do not get you in trouble with the IRS, they will always want to be with you and they will not hurt you with an emotional affair.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

He seems uninterested in doing his share in the marriage. You've been carrying it all along, or at least recently. Honestly, if he isn't going to be an equal partner, then you should file for divorce. It might wake him up. At any rate, you shouldn't have to be living in neglect.

I understand just how you feel. I love my stbxh, but he isn't doing anything to fix our marriage (he cheated, won't own up to it) and just expects things to go back to normal without doing any work at all. I don't see how things can continue in limbo, but divorce is hard when you love the person and still gave hope of redemption. I'm finding it very difficult to push for divorce when he doesn't want to divorce, but I'll have to decide soon.

Ultimately, I suspect we have to take care of ourselves without trying to carry the relationship single-handedly if our husbands won't take care of their responsibilities in marriage.

I wish you luck.


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

Question for you Moxie - you mentioned you packed up and moved. Do you still have contact with your stbxh? 

This is why I'm trying to limit contact as much as possible - along with the flowers, he enclosed a card that read in essence, how much he loves me, that he misses me, you have made me a better person, blah, blah, blah. Yet nothing ever changes! I know it's just words, and I always tell him that actions speak louder than words. He has excuses for everything. When I told him I would be filing for divorce, he said he did not want that.

He gets offended when I tell him these things; never angry nor mad, just offended that I would use "harsh" words. I wish he would get angry or mad! Then maybe some truths would come out, but he refuses to debate it and prefers to live with his head in the sand. ARGH!!! I don't know what his problem is 

Frustrating to say the least ...


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

d2snow said:


> ARGH!!! I don't know what his problem is
> 
> Frustrating to say the least ...


Came across some thread about passive-aggressive husbands - they are eye-openers!


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

Divorce is hard. Even if you know its the right thing to do and have already checked out emotionally. Its one of the most traumatic events to happen to a person. But if you choose to go down that road, those anxieties about life all of the sudden being so unknown are very common. Those too go away after giving yourself time to grieve. There's no shame in getting upset, even over a man who clearly isn't stepping up. And yes time does heal wounds. Dogs are incredible companions, they love you no matter what. Baby steps are the key.

Life is faaaaaaaaaaar from over after a divorce 

Kindest regards,
DB


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

So .... as soon as I left work got a text from hubby asking if he could call me. Said not unless you have something relevant/ important to say to me. Long story short, we got into a long winded texting session of over 2 hours.

He apologized for not being there for me, for ignoring me, for the non-sex for so long (the usual excuses about that - distractions, stress, etc). I apologized for being critical of him. 

Told him he's been working on his "issues" for 2 years now and still not much has changed. Now he promised he will try to seek MC from over there (hmmm... where have I heard that before?)

He had a litany of reasons why he turned down the great offer from the hotel here - he would've been miserable and then would've taken it out on me, yada, yada, yada.

But he still doesn't get it - he thinks the issue he should be working on is that he's been taking me for granted. I told him it runs much deeper than that and if he was more introspective, he could figure it out. He got sort of warm when he said he didn't want to be treated like a kid (bingo!) so I told him he should act like a responsible adult then. of course he got all huffy and mad and accused me of belittling him. 

sigh ... here we go again ... more endless cycles of lip service, apologies, and no action being taken. I mean, really, how can I get through to him? Am I speaking a foreign language??

Sorry - I had to vent


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Vent away. I don't think he'll ever change. He wants to stay attached to you but he is only going to try just enough to keep you from divorcing him. If his heart was really in it, all his repeated excuses would have all become actions. You deserve better than a big kid. You're in 2 separate states & he's not losing his mind over you? He's probably not alone, is my guess?? Time to cut the cord.


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

I do know he is alone - not fooling around with anyone. He swears up and down he would never, ever cheat on me because he's not that kind of person. Besides, with such a low sex drive I doubt he would anyway, lol. 

I have access to his email account and his phone logs so I know he's not in contact with any females. Of course if he has a secret email and uses his work phone, that's another story.

He keeps saying he let me leave because he knows he wanted me to be happy and knew I was unhappy in Phoenix. He is now saying he is willing to wait me out until I return, bet it 1, 2 or 3 years. Geesh ... I've already told him I have no plans to return but his head is in the sand again.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

I guess the question is, are you going to wait 1-3 years in the hope he straightens himself out?


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

d2snow said:


> Question for you Moxie - you mentioned you packed up and moved. Do you still have contact with your stbxh?
> 
> This is why I'm trying to limit contact as much as possible - along with the flowers, he enclosed a card that read in essence, how much he loves me, that he misses me, you have made me a better person, blah, blah, blah. Yet nothing ever changes! I know it's just words, and I always tell him that actions speak louder than words. He has excuses for everything. When I told him I would be filing for divorce, he said he did not want that.
> 
> ...


I had to send him away first because he became rageful and out of control. I wish we could have tried marriage counseling first, before everything went totally insane. After that, I packed up and disappeared and no one I knew even knew where I was living. I resurfaced about a year later. I've been in sporadic contact with my stbxh, but I do not initiate. I will reply if he isn't being nasty though. Every time, I wish things were different, but I can't make him change and so far, he hasn't done so on his own.

Try telling him that the only way you will consider delaying divorce is if he will do marriage counseling with you. It is possible that honesty might emerge and the issues can be faced that way. You can feel sure that you did all you could and if he still doesn't get his act together, you can feel free without a burdened conscience. I have a heavy heart, myself.

Words are empty. When a person destroys his commitment, he must be willing to prove his capability of keeping it. If you're still receptive to him, make him work for this and face the problems -- otherwise, it will all repeat itself and you're better off leaving now.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

woundedwarrior said:


> Vent away. I don't think he'll ever change. He wants to stay attached to you but he is only going to try just enough to keep you from divorcing him. If his heart was really in it, all his repeated excuses would have all become actions. You deserve better than a big kid. You're in 2 separate states & he's not losing his mind over you? He's probably not alone, is my guess?? Time to cut the cord.


Good advice.

If he isn't willing to move for you, it's time to wonder what he is holding in to there. As it looks like you aren't engaged in an affair, is it possible that he IS and is using you as a back up plan, keeping you in a hook without being all in?


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

moxy said:


> If he isn't willing to move for you, it's time to wonder what he is holding in to there. As it looks like you aren't engaged in an affair, is it possible that he IS and is using you as a back up plan, keeping you in a hook without being all in?


He is not the adventurous type; does not like change nor moving. He likes his job (which he accepted right before I left for Hawaii) and is reluctant to leave it now. Which is totally opposite from me; I'm more daring and a risk-taker and will move across the country at a moment's notice. I was the initiator when we left NYC and moved to Phoenix 15 years ago to improve our quality of life and job prospects.

His brother (who lives overseas) purchased a part time home nearby not too long ago, so I suggested he put all our stuff in storage, rent our house and move into that house since it's always empty. They only come to visit during Christmas anyway. So I know he feels obligated to look out for his brother's house, pays his bills, and be there when they come from overseas to visit. Plus our dog/cat who are still with him. So I kinda understand his reluctance to leave. But sometimes you have have to the plunge and do it, no? Details will work themselves out eventually.

Today he sent me a long-winded, 2 page email about all the progress (he thinks) he has made to improve communication and the changes he's made. Not really enough considering he's been "working on his issues" for 2 years now, on his own, lol.

Sigh ... I don't know anymore ...


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

d2snow said:


> I told him it runs much deeper than that and if he was more introspective, he could figure it out.
> 
> Am I speaking a foreign language??


I don't know the history here, but this? For me, this is a conversation breaker. It's also extremely unfair, asking him to figure it out. If you want him to know, just tell him.

I once got run through an emotional roller coaster by an ex-girlfriend who informed me that I had upset me, and didn't tell me how, didn't accept an apology since I didn't know what I was apologizing for. Nobody deserves that.


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

Caladan, in the context of the conversation, he KNOWS what the issues are. I've stated them over and over. But he doesn't want to look deeply into himself and admit it. Nor look into himself on how to resolve them. So he knows exactly what the issues are.

As of today, he is still saying that he's "trying to work on his issues by himself." He refuses to get any type of counseling/help.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Sounds like he is just doing the minimal to try & suffice you. Like when you to tell someone to clean your house & they just remove clutter but don't vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms etc. He is only doing things for your benefit and not his. It is obvious he won't get anywhere on his own?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> he's a very giving, kind, easy-going man.


Really? WHERE is he hiding these virtues?

*Giving?* 
financially? maybe his paycheck, but then again he turned down a job at 41K MORE than he already made! doesn't share or act like a partner (IRS problems cuz he won't listen to you?)
sexually, has a problem he won't address
emotionally? hasn't worked on his problems in YEARS; won't see a professional to truly FIX his problems

*Kind?*
doesn't hit you or berate you or even argue with you. Seems telling he's not even invested enough in your relationship to ARGUE! Sounds like he checked-out YEARS ago and is too comfortable to move on!

*Easy-going?*
Are you sure it isn't LAZY? or unmotivated? or fearful? or too comfortable? or checked-out?

You are ALREADY a completely self-sufficient ADULT who takes care of all her business (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual) ALL BY HERSELF. Why the fear of moving on? What does he REALLY bring to the table? Anything? Are you afraid of what YOU will think of YOURSELF if you divorce (unsuccessful? loser? unloveable?) Be honest WITH YOURSELF and address your problems and how you would view yourself if divorced. Maybe you have labels in your head for yourself that are really NOT applicable!


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

I sent him this document on passive-aggressive spouses. He did admit a lot applies to him.

_Passive aggressive behavior is basically a form of dishonesty.

A person with passive aggressive behavior tends to display behavior characteristics through passive resistance in performing tasks that he or she does not want to do. Non compliance and passive non cooperation is often masked as forgetfulness.

You must have noticed this kind of passive aggressive trait in spouses who accept their mistakes, but will not change them. They are outwardly nice and passive but resist any criticism or change by simply ignoring them, by procrastinating or by sulking.

Passive-aggressive personality traits are demonstrated as stubbornness, resentment, sullenness procrastination, helplessness, etc. The person may even display repeated or deliberate failure in accomplishing even a simple task they are responsible for. This is actually a form of defense mechanism and the person is usually partly conscious of his passive resistance.

Passive aggressive personality individuals tend to be rigid and inflexible. They follow a set pattern of behavior and acting. These individuals have real difficulty in getting along with people around them. Their persistent behavior does not allow them to adapt well to changing situations and thus affecting their daily functioning.

The following passive aggressive personality disorder symptoms commonly include an individual that appears very happy and enthusiastic to help others or carry out the desires of people around them. When the time comes to execute the request, they tend to beat around the bush. They will take a long time to do it and show failure in accomplishing it. The other symptoms include:

Procrastination
Resisting suggestions given to them by others
These people will fight tooth and nail to pass the buck of their failure on to others.
They are always "forgetful"
They are always complaining and tend to make hundred excuses and lies to hide their passive resistance.
They never express their hostility or anger to others.
They show resentment and sullenness.
These individuals have a fear of dependency, authority and intimacy.
They crate chaos around them and try to prove their inefficiency.
Such individuals have not learned to manage their anger and are emotionally unavailable.

These people tend to have resentment towards every other person. They feel they are often cheated or under-appreciated by others. Thus, become highly cynical and skeptical. You will find their number of friends dwindle and they often stick to people who are less fortunate than they are. They will seek sympathy and this becomes a repetitive pattern. In the end, the person becomes manipulative emotionally draining people close to them.

Such individuals need to undergo counseling and cognitive behavior therapy to help identify their problem and change their behavior. Group therapy helps them manage their inward hostility.

This was all about passive aggressive behavior and personality. If you are living with a passive aggressive partner, then the best solution for this is to go for therapy. If therapy is not an option, then express your displeasure when you encounter such behavior. When the person knows that you are aware of his passive aggressive tactics, he/she will stop it. It is important to identify such behavior and know that this stems from deep rooted insecurities and fear._


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

Apparently being capable and independent put a hindrance on our marriage. He preferred to feel "needed." 

When I pointed out that he was never really there for me when I did need his help, he got very defensive. Round 'n round again we go, lol

He go even madder when I told him maybe he should find himself one of the helpless, needy women to live with.


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm not completely financially self-sufficient. He makes double what I make so I still use our credit card for bigger items, ie, auto insurance payments, Costco purchases, gasoline. All the other stuff I pay myself - rent, utilities, furniture, groceries, etc.

I would probably have to move back to Phoenix anyway since costs of living are so much lower than here in Hawaii


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

How's it going?


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

Diesel_Bomber said:


> How's it going?


Funny you should ask ... here's the latest bombshell ...

Long story short, his family sold a piece of property they had overseas (they've been trying to sell it for years). Finally got sold, and we agreed I would come back to Phoenix and pursue my real estate career full time and quit my crappy job because he "wanted to take care of me now that we had a bit of money."

When it came to having his share of the money transferred, he started to change his story. Now it wasn't going to be as much as he thought, they had some unexpected legal expenses. Then, instead of next week, it wouldn't get wired over until next month.

Hmm... already this is sounding fishy to me (knowing his history of lies and deceit). I did a little snooping around and found out he had opened a SECRET BANK ACCOUNT! So the first wire transfer actually went to his secret account and the balance would go to our joint account.

Now, if that's not a betrayal of trust, I don't know what it. He claims he only did it to "since I had brought up divorce, it was to protect himself." Really?? Knowing that I'm not a greedy nor materialistic person why would he feel the need to protect himself? 

I told him we were through - cannot be married to someone who does not value honesty and trust in a marriage (btw, I've said this many, many times before). Apparently to him, it doesn't mean anything.

So now he is bombarding me with texts and emails begging me to forgive him and reconsider my plan to return to Phoenix with him. He sent flowers to my office, and I threw them away.

Apparently he was worried that if I filed for divorce I would try to clean him out. Told him not to worry; he can keep our house and his money. Eventually I'll get myself a little rental place until I have enough money together for a down payment on a condo or something.

I am still seething over this whole episode and refuse to talk to him. Only via email. Even when I found out (a few months ago) he had signed up for some online dating sites I didn't get this mad.

ARRGHHH!!!


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## mattsmom (Apr 2, 2013)

d2snow said:


> Funny you should ask ... here's the latest bombshell ...
> 
> Long story short, his family sold a piece of property they had overseas (they've been trying to sell it for years). Finally got sold, and we agreed I would come back to Phoenix and pursue my real estate career full time and quit my crappy job because he "wanted to take care of me now that we had a bit of money."
> 
> ...


Okay, so here's the thing. You're mad, and justifiably so. You have done everything in that marriage for 20 years. Tell him he's a moron, because he has to disclose ALL assets in a divorce. Even secret bank accounts. You have earned a share in whatever marital assets there are. I'm not generally an advocate of spousal support, however, he has failed to support you for 20 years. Time to pay the piper. File the papers and take him to the cleaners. You may not feel like he owes it to you, but you owe it to yourself. 

Take good care,
Mattsmom


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

^^^Agree with this. 

Ask for EVERYTHING you're entitled to. If you don't want to keep it (blood money or whatever), then donate the excess to the charity of your choice (and he does NOT qualify as charity).

Think of the good you could do for your own future or someone else's!


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

Nah, I had already told him he could keep our house and his money (and I am a person of my word, unlike him).

The only thing I asked was for him to buy out my share of the house. Who knows when he'll get around to that since he wants to live in that house. I'm not going to file for divorce right now. Maybe later down the line ... right now I'm in a state of confusion and besides, have other things to worry about (work related).


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## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

If the bank account had been kept secret, how would it be found out? Obviously he wasn't going to disclose it.

He wasn't even smart enough to use different passwords/log in for that account. Same as our joint account, lol


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