# A letter to my self



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

It has been over a year since your wife left you and your divorce was finalized. In that period of time you have spoken to her not once. Your only interaction with her was the heated email exchanges in February concerning the tax returns. You finally gave in and sent them to her. Since then you have not spoken. She didn’t even say thank you. In the mean time she has bought a condo and now you have heard that she is seeing someone. It is time for you to face it – she is gone. For good. Never coming back. It is over. 
You know this, but you still rehash that last argument, you still think of all the could haves, would haves and should haves. But that is just prolonging your misery and keeping you from moving on.
They don’t happen as often, but they still happen. Just the other day you were thinking about how she said she had been trying to get your attention for weeks and how you reacted with anger and scorn. You remember the various things she said she had done. You started thinking of what you should have said, that you had been trying to get her attention for years! You imagined yourself going up to her and hugging her and pouring yourself out and finally resolving the long standing issues that had slowly and steadily built the resentment that fueled your anger at that time. But you didn’t and now you regret that you didn’t seize that moment to change your life. 
Guess what? At that time, you were reacting in the only way knew how, given everything that had happened before. At that time you didn’t know she had been planning to leave already (despite all the signs), you felt like something was wrong and had been for months, which was a source of your anxiety. You didn’t know this was the cataclysmic end of your marriage. You just didn’t know.
But what if you had? How would that have changed things? You had attempted a number of times to reach out to her and everyone was met with a sharp rebuke “I am doing the best that I can and if you don’t like it I am leaving” Have you forgotten how this also drove your resentment?
Do you think that she would have suddenly realized how hurtful she had been thru the years of practically no sex or when she said “I don’t even think about having sex with you because I am just too busy!” as she made plans for a girls night out or carefully planned the cruise she was going to take with her “girlies”?
Have you forgotten the feeling of desertion you felt when you were facing the most difficult thing ever in your life and her only response was “you do what you have to do, I don’t want to know about it!”
No my friend, at that time those were the things that were on your mind. It is easy to sit back and imagine how things could have been, should have been or even would have been as long as you are willing to forget the pain you were in then compared to the pain you felt later.
But the simple fact is that you can’t change the past and even if you could, things probably weren’t going to get any better, since you still would have had all of those feelings. Something inside of you was telling you that what was going on just wasn’t right.
You were not living, you were only existing. 
Now you are free! You need to realize that she did you a favor! You cannot change the past. You cannot change the things she had said that made you feel the way that you did. You cannot change the “lost” opportunity that you imagine you had to fix things. 
Now what you can do is decide to live your life so that at some point in the future, not only will you not regret that you hadn’t fixed things, but you will truly be grateful that you didn’t. Because you can now have everything that you desire. You need to realize that you did not have it before, but now you are free to find it!
At some point you will finally meet someone (YOU) who will truly love you and you will realize just how happy you are that you didn’t fix things that day so long ago because otherwise you would not have found yourself.
It is hard, and there is much loneliness at the present. But it will happen as long as you are willing to make it happen.
Be true to your self. Find out who you are. Discover what will make you happy. Seize the rest of your life and become a better you.


----------



## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

I like it. I hope the same things for myself.


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> I like it. I hope the same things for myself.


I truly never thought that I could imagine thinking that some time in teh future I would consider myself grateful that I had not been able to stop my divorce from happening. Not that I am yet, but the mere fact that I can even think I may, is a quantum leap for me, Good luck, I hope to see you on the other side!!


----------



## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

OP, Nice letter. with just a few tweeks, I could of wrote it myself. The one big difference would be that it is now 4 years since my divorce (Married 30, she had an A, married the OM) instead of one. Funny the last time I talked to her was also in Feb, Feb of 2012. That came about when I contacted her to see if she wanted a few things she left behind, she came over to get them, left saying, "I never want to see you again MF!" so much for being nice.
While I wonder if I will ever have that "feeling" again, and seriously doubt that I will. I have a very active lifestyle, I travel frequently, I have a great relationship with my 3 daughters, the youngest of which just got engaged. During the discussions of the wedding, I told her that if she wanted to invite her mother and Bruce, (stuggled to say his name, generally whenever I mention him, which is very infrequently, I refer to his as POS) I would have no complaint. (I hate that son of a b, but love my daughter more) something I can not believe I agreeded to, but I did. You see the big difference between your letter and mine is TIME. While the hurt is still very much there, for the first time, earlier this year, I told someone that my divorce was the best thing that happened to me, and I meant it. She was/is a very depressed individual, I spent a lot of time trying to make her happy, eventually resentment lead to a breakdown in our relationship, and it was slowly killing me. 
Hard to see that a year out, but it comes in focus over time.
Don't beat yourself up with what I should of dones, we all would change past behaviors, but as my favorite song "Half of my Mistakes" says, "If I had it all to do over I'm sure I'd win and lost just as much" Head up, its just starting to get better.


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Hoosier said:


> OP, Nice letter. with just a few tweeks, I could of wrote it myself. The one big difference would be that it is now 4 years since my divorce (Married 30, she had an A, married the OM) instead of one. Funny the last time I talked to her was also in Feb, Feb of 2012. That came about when I contacted her to see if she wanted a few things she left behind, she came over to get them, left saying, "I never want to see you again MF!" so much for being nice.
> While I wonder if I will ever have that "feeling" again, and seriously doubt that I will. I have a very active lifestyle, I travel frequently, I have a great relationship with my 3 daughters, the youngest of which just got engaged. During the discussions of the wedding, I told her that if she wanted to invite her mother and Bruce, (stuggled to say his name, generally whenever I mention him, which is very infrequently, I refer to his as POS) I would have no complaint. (I hate that son of a b, but love my daughter more) something I can not believe I agreeded to, but I did. You see the big difference between your letter and mine is TIME. While the hurt is still very much there, for the first time, earlier this year, I told someone that my divorce was the best thing that happened to me, and I meant it. She was/is a very depressed individual, I spent a lot of time trying to make her happy, eventually resentment lead to a breakdown in our relationship, and it was slowly killing me.
> Hard to see that a year out, but it comes in focus over time.
> Don't beat yourself up with what I should of dones, we all would change past behaviors, but as my favorite song "Half of my Mistakes" says, "If I had it all to do over I'm sure I'd win and lost just as much" Head up, its just starting to get better.


It is getting better. And like I said for the first time in a long time I can see that at some point I could actually feel gratitude that what I lost made it possible for what I have. What is the term? Creative destruction or rising from the ashes? I am still very much a work in progress but simply accepting the concept is a major step forward.


----------



## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Ynot said:


> It is getting better. And like I said for the first time in a long time I can see that at some point I could actually feel gratitude that what I lost made it possible for what I have. What is the term? Creative destruction or rising from the ashes? I am still very much a work in progress but simply accepting the concept is a major step forward.


PS - I'm bada$$!! I'm better than I ever was!!! I look back on my life with my ex and I AM GRATEFUL for the time we spent together and all that I have learned. I no longer have resentment or ill will towards her. I choose to Live, Love, and ROCK THE HOUSE!! I strive every damn day to be more like DUDE!!!!!!!!!! ha! 

Creative destruction is a capitalistic(economic) term btw!!


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Dude007 said:


> Creative destruction is a capitalistic(economic) term btw!!


Actually it originated with Karl Marx, but it is appropriate all the same:

"process of industrial mutation that incessantly revolutionizes the economic structure from within, incessantly destroying the old one, incessantly creating a new one"

What is the other saying? Out with the old, in with the new!


----------



## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Got it, did what I say make sense? You next level is to PS. DUDE


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Dude007 said:


> Got it, did what I say make sense? You next level is to PS. DUDE


Yep! Looking forward to the post script. But actually I think that would have to be a whole new follow up letter!


----------



## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Ynot Intuitive/Thinking is working in overdrive. He's probably already grown tremendously since his divorce. Isn't it nice when a crisis comes along and wakes us up?! Now what do you really want to do with your life??! Dude
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mandik (Jan 13, 2016)

Live, be happy and most of all love

Sent from my QTAQZ3 using Tapatalk


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Since writing that letter, my mood has improved so much. I decided to adopt the idea that the world has unlimited resources to make me happy, all I have to do is ask. So I started asking and the world has responded. I have rejected scarcity as a guiding principle in my life. 
I realize that I really am a gift to the world and I am not saying that in an arrogant way. Each of us is a gift, and just like any other gift, we can offer, but that doesn't mean we will be accepted. But, there is always someone who will accept you. Don't focus on the lack of whatever in your life, instead focus on the opportunities whatever you are lacking is presenting to you.
So you lost your wife or husband due to a divorce. Yes it sucks, but guess what? Now you have the opportunity to find someone who will accept you and love you in a way that you want. 
The law of attraction is every bit as real as the law of gravity. Seek what you want and it will find you. So seek good things that will make you happy and stop looking for all the bad things.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Thanks for posting that, Ynot. I think you hit the most important things to remember. It was good to read that.


----------

