# Pain During Sex



## Tim_Duncan28 (Sep 21, 2012)

Hello,

Me and my wife have been married about 2 years. She was a virgin when she married me. We don't have sex often because of how painful it is for her. It's like, excruciating for her and she often cries as soon as i penetrate. I thought this had something to do with her being a virgin, but she still has the same pain after all this time. I believe she has vaginismus, and i think the dilator set will help (from my online research) but we have not had a doctor diagnose vaginismus as the cause of the pain. I plan on taking her to see a doctor soon (don't have insurance at the moment) but has anyone had experience with this? If so, what are some solutions? I would love to be able to have sex with my wife without pain. Thanks for your replies.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

More foreplay and lots of lube


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If she does have vaginismus, Dr all the way.

If it's only because she was a virgin and never did anything until she met you, she needs to try some toys, use lube with you, the more sex, the more she will adapt to you being in her.

The first few times my wife and I had sex (she was virgin), sex was painful for her as well. I would slowly penetrate her, she would wince, so I'd just stop and wait, being in her. That was it the first time. The 2nd time, still painful but not as bad. I penetrated, waited a bit, then started slowly but again didn't do that much. This went on for quite the while and she did get used to me and the pain went away. 

She could use a big dildo and get comfortable with herself.

You could give her oral until she orgasms and then penetrate her afterwards. I know, my wifee is really wet after oral first, best sex then ever.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

From time to time I have suffered from this condition. The cycle somehow needs to be broken, because once your W is experiencing frequent sex, the condition will disappear. For me, it's about total relaxation and lots of foreplay.


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## Tim_Duncan28 (Sep 21, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> If she does have vaginismus, Dr all the way.
> 
> If it's only because she was a virgin and never did anything until she met you, she needs to try some toys, use lube with you, the more sex, the more she will adapt to you being in her.
> 
> ...


She has never masturbated even once in her life and refuses to use toys or dildos. When i tried to slowly penetrate her walls would slam shut on me and she would clinch her teeth in pain. Even after waiting a little bit, her walls remained closed. I have to resort to giving her oral quite frequently because we really can't do anything else. I try to penetrate after giving her oral when she is really wet, i also use lots of lube to go with it, but still same result, which is frustrating.


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## Tim_Duncan28 (Sep 21, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> From time to time I have suffered from this condition. The cycle somehow needs to be broken, because once your W is experiencing frequent sex, the condition will disappear. For me, it's about total relaxation and lots of foreplay.


I try my best to get her to relax, with slow kisses/rubs, massage, and oral sex, but most times she is too afraid to even let me try penetrating because the pain is so severe for her. I told her that it would get better with more frequency, but she is too afraid, and we have never had sex two days in a row.


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## ChiGirl (Jan 20, 2013)

I have an injury and I had to go to therapy for pelvic muscle relaxation. They basically teach you to use your muscles correctly and relax.

I think you need to have an honest conversation about this.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

I've had a lot of experience with painful sex (I saw a dr and ruled out any physical issues), and I can totally sympathize with your wife. I have a couple of thoughts that may or may not help you out.

1. It sounds like she's to the point where she's expecting it to hurt, so she's tensing up, which ultimately causes it to hurt more. 
So she's stuck in a vicious circle... Sex hurts, so she gets all tensed up and ready for it to hurt, which makes it hurt _more_, which emphasizes to her all over again that sex hurts... and it goes on. I had to deal with this for a long time, and it took me over a year with my current partner to really learn how to relax with him. 

2. Birth control... I don't want children under any circumstances, so birth control plays a huge role in my enjoyment for sex.
If you're using something like condoms, you might consider making sure they are comfortable for her, or experimenting with different kinds... I discovered after using them for about 3 years that I had a severe latex allergy, which caused a great deal of my issues, and the ribbed ones are VERY uncomfortable no matter what they are made of. 

If you're NOT using BC at all, is it possible she is terrified of getting pregnant? This is something that also effects how I feel about sex, and if I'm stressed about it, it causes the tensing up problem all over again.

3. LUBE. I can't stress that one enough, although it sounds like you already have that one covered. 

With me, sex HAS indeed gotten better with frequency, but it's mostly due to letting go of some of my own mental baggage and learning to relax and have fun with my partner. 
I would still take her to see a doctor to rule out any issues, but I'd sit down and have an open discussion about this with her.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I highly suggest your wife getting checked out by a doctor. There could definitely something medically wrong. 

There are a few medical conditions that could be causing this. I'm currently having issues and I just found out that I have blood cysts on my ovaries along with endometriosis. It's extremely painful. I'll definitely be getting this taken care of and soon.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

If she has vaginismus - which it sounds like - you will definitely need medical intervention/assistance. It takes more than lube, and it will require a lot of patience.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You've started threads on several forums.

1) possible divorce - her idea 

2) she's 25 and cries uncontrollably when she doesn't get her way.

3) painful sex.

Putting all this together I'm quite suspicious of her 'pain' while having sex.


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## alibaba70 (Nov 19, 2013)

I can relate to TIM duncan frustation.
The vaginismus causes the same symptoms that you mentioned to my wife.

Even during obgyn checkup in order the pap could get in, 2 nurse had to hold my wife down and calm her. 
Never ever had sexual intercourse for 9 years now. 

Please let me know about the doctors and dilator. Is it really working


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Does she use tampons? Do those hurt?


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Zombie thread...but hopefully the OP comes back to update.


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