# Downgrading



## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Do the unfaithful typically downgrade with ap's &/or future partners?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

I've read the affair partner is always an affair down.

Surprisingly usually in looks and intelligence.

But most definitely in emotional maturity and morality.

It takes a certain kind of person to get involved with a married person. They have to be selfish and self-absorbed because how else can you disregard that someone has a spouse that might get hurt, unless you make that person a non-entity? They have to lack compassion and empathy because how can you discount how your behaviour affects another just because you don't know them, or didn't take vows with them?

So yes, to me the AP 100% of the time is always an affair down. I'd never be an OW because I have too much self-respect to be a side-piece. I also have compassion for others and I could not knowingly hurt another human being or their children. It's not in my character to do so.

And if someone handles marital problems by cheating, I highly doubt they attract emotionally healthy people into their lives so their future partners are most likely to be an affair down as well.

Of course if they seek counselling or change their behaviour, there is also hope, but the WS who leave their marriages tend to continue attracting drama into their lives.


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

IMO- Even if it is not in reality an affair down of course the BS will want to believe it is a affair down. I mean the OW/OM is an ugly disgusting pig in the BS's eyes and all OUR friends eyes because we HAVE to believe that. If we posted pics of ourselves and the AP and let objective people see them, we might get a different response. lol.
Of course in MY case the OW was a skanky nasty thing and I am way hotter but you get the idea!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My affair partner was a step up in every direction.

I wasn't married though, just had a kid together and trying to make it work even though we never loved each other...This was 11 years ago. Intelligence and looks wise, he was WAY better than my bf.

Just a better man all around. However, when you settle for the lowest (like I did), you can only go up


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Absolutely...those A/P that willfully have an affair with a married person are broken. I think that there is something wrong with somebody inside of them..emotionally/mentally, etc. Losers that do not want a normal relationship.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Unfaithful do not believe that their AP's future partners are better than themselves.

Do you know why? They cant be second to someone.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Zanna said:


> I've read the affair partner is always an affair down.
> 
> Surprisingly usually in looks and intelligence.
> 
> ...


Ditto to what Zanna said above. 

Also, other people stated she was an affair down looks wise, morally, and intelligence wise. 

I personally thought she was pretty but definitely the ditsy dizzy blonde type.

Of course my self esteem was so crushed by the affair that I had to convince myself she was prettier.


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## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

In my H's case, the ow was a step up physically ONLY because she was thin, in shape and younger. In raw beauty she was a trade down. If it weren't for her thin physique she wouldn't be a looker. She was constantly fishing for complements and giving them out, and he willingly gave them often without prompting. Put some weight on her and I kick her fanny visually. She's very bright in a "book smart" way but lacks creativity, original thinking, and intuitive sense. Her world view though broad in her own view, is quite narrow. So in some ways my WS traded up physically, but traded down, way down morally, creatively, and physically in some aspects.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I asked this question because I ran into my wxw this weekend while out having a good time. She seemed to be on a date with some overweight guy and I was like "WHAT?".

When all of this started 18 months ago, my wife told me she wanted to see what was out there (keep in mind at that time I had NO IDEA what I was doing). I've witnessed her with several different guys, none of which would make me jealous. 

I almost feel sorry for her. She cheated and divorced me because she was sure she could find someone better. I wonder if she still thinks that.

On Saturday night, I also noticed she is no longer the size 6 she had gotten down to when I first got the "speech".


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

It's really relative.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

The two guys that I know about that the ex wife cheated on me with were step downs.

The first by her own admission (and her friends), the second lets just say it was obvious.

Her next marriage was a step down as well. I can't make much sense of it all.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

I found the OM to be quite unattractive. He was bald and looked like a young Tim Conway (not that there's anything wrong with bald guys.)

I don't know if I would've felt any better if the OM had looked like Russell Crowe or Denzel Washington. Certainly, I think I looked better so in my mind maybe his package was more alluring.

I think sometimes it's just a case of familiarity breeding contempt and the wayward spouse just wants someone -- anyone -- who's not us.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> I found the OM to be quite unattractive. He was bald and looked like a young Tim Conway (not that there's anything wrong with bald guys.)
> 
> I don't know if I would've felt any better if the OM had looked like Russell Crowe or Denzel Washington. Certainly, I think I looked better so in my mind maybe his package was more alluring.
> 
> I think sometimes it's just a case of familiarity breeding contempt and the wayward spouse just wants someone -- anyone -- who's not us.


Was he as funny as Tim Conway?

BTW - My wife's AP was even uglier than me!:rofl:


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Was he as funny as Tim Conway?
> 
> BTW - *My wife's AP was even uglier than me*!:rofl:


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

My estranged husband's women have definitely been downgrades. It is amusing to our grown children though. Several of them must have escaped from the local mental ward based on what the children tell me. My divorce attorney saw one of them at a hearing and later told me I had that woman beat by a mile..... even though she was twenty years younger. That pasture on the other side of the fence must have been an illusion.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> I asked this question because I ran into my wxw this weekend while out having a good time. *She seemed to be on a date with some overweight guy and I was like "WHAT?".*
> 
> When all of this started 18 months ago, my wife told me she wanted to see what was out there (keep in mind at that time I had NO IDEA what I was doing). I've witnessed her with several different guys, none of which would make me jealous.
> 
> ...


I would judge a woman's choice in men by how he treats her in public and in private. for us women, looks have a lot less to do with it. and I discovered when I hit my 40s, I started to find men who were "soft around edges" sexy (think tony soprano) when they had the right personality.


Also, when considering things like EAs that don't involve the physical, the chosen OW or OM may like your partner because he/ she is willing to "lick their ass" for not much (materially speaking) in return.

My fiance's EA had a master's; a full time well paid job; an active social circle and a bf. She treated my fiance like a walking credit card. I am glad he came to his senses.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I think without a doubt that H's AP was a downgrade..I have never seen a picture of her so have no idea where we compare looks wise however to me she is a pathetic desperate loser with no self esteem because she chose to willingly think she had a future with a married man who lived across the ocean from her. So in my books, intellegence wise not the brightest....but then again either was he at the time.


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