# Husband can’t do anything right , fat and lazy and I make more than him



## Sunny111 (10 mo ago)

Should I divorce my husband ???
I always think about it. I’m 6 months pregnant. 
Since I’ve known him he’s always disappointed me. I want so badly give him a task and have him do it right. Seems like he can only go to work. And when he has free time he wants to relax. I make more than him and we split mortgage and houses expenses 50/50. But he does pay most of the time when we go out to dinner. 
When we moved into our house his responsibility was to get the locks changed … it’s been a year and a half since we moved and still hasn’t been done. In the meantime I paid for the house being painted and bought most of the furniture. He helped pay for certain furniture items but I’ve mostly furnished the home since he states he doesn’t need it.
Most recently he finally called the electrician to hang the two chandeliers and two wall light sconces that I paid for. His job was to pay for the electrician. Of course the electrician did a messy job. My husbands job was to supervise the electrician while he was working from home but that is too much to ask of him. And at the end of the job one of the chandeliers was crooked. And I need to call the electrician back to fix it. Not to mention there were many holes left in the wall which I had to get my handyman to fix and I had to pay for. He feels as long as he called the electrician and pays for it that’s all he has to do. I work 6 days a week, I can’t be there all the time to supervise .
This past winter since I’m pregnant he was responsible for salting and shoveling the snow. Last winter I actually did most of it and there were no cracks in our walkway. This year I noticed our pavers in the walkway were really cracked and then realized it was because he had dumped heaps of salt straight from the bag on our walkway, unlike me who takes a handful and scatters the salt one at a time to spread the salt out evenly. I noticed he has gone through a whole large bag of salt pretty fast. It’s like I just can’t rely on him to do anything right and I end up having to do more work after him.
We pay for a cleaning lady weekly mostly for him cause he doesn’t know how to pick up after himself. 
I exercise several times a week and continue to while I’m pregnant. For him it’s not a priority. He blames his weight gain on me… not the fact that he can’t give up dessert and sweets and does not work out. 
Even if he comes home before me he doesn’t cook.
So many other fails on his part like yard work… we have a lawn guy who mows the lawn weekly but last spring I applied mulch to 2/3 of the yard. He didn’t do his share of mulching until end of Summer.
List goes on. 
Do I really need to be with someone like this??? I feel like I could take care of the mortgage and finances without him. I don’t feel like he adds anything to my life. Besides companionship.

He loves me but love isn’t enough for me.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

While it might sound like an easy target to just fire shots at your husband you have to consider that not all people are the same. I’ll admit though that your husband does sound lazy and not at all like the kind of person that attracts a woman.

Let’s review the following:

“Ever since I’ve known him he has disappointed me”

Well there you have it plain as day. You chose him even though you already knew who he was. A part of the problem can be found in the mirror.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Why are you having a baby with your fat and lazy husband?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Sunny111 said:


> Should I divorce my husband ???
> I always think about it. I’m 6 months pregnant.


yes, having a child without your husband is a sound life choice!

what the heck were you thinking when you got pregnant, but did not love your husband?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So a) why did you marry him and b) why are you having a baby with him. 

I would suggest some MC.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You are keeping score & constantly telling this guy that he's the loser. Then you wonder why he doesn't have a fire in his belly. Now you are foolishly bringing a child into the mess.

Read two pop psychology books called _The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands_ and _The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage_ by Dr. Laura. They are both a little antiquated & a tad misogynistic but at ground they are about appreciating your partner. You don't appreciate your husband in the slightest & you aren't giving him the chance to thrive in your marriage. A little appreciation goes a long way. If you empower him, if you set him up for success rather than failure, you may be pleasantly surprised.

I could have written your post early on in my marriage (except my husband was never fat). I read those books & adjusted my behavior. My husband now has a great well paying job & takes more responsibility for things.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

D0nnivain said:


> You are keeping score & constantly telling this guy that he's the loser. Then you wonder why he doesn't have a fire in his belly. Now you are foolishly bringing a child into the mess.


This is exactly what I came to say

We all know how the balance of work is spread in a relationship, but from your post it sounds like you're keeping score.
Additionally, who pays for what is a much bigger deal than you're letting on.

So I wonder why that is.
Are you really disillusioned by those failings? Or is it something else?
Are you disappointed in him for not being the 'leader/alpha/provider' that you hoped for?

Or is there a real emotional detachment with you that just highlights all of his failings? For example if you were in love with someone else, then every single thing he did would be an annoyance to you (not saying you are, it's just an example).

Have you talked to him about any of these things? I mean other than just asking him to do things, have you expressed how much you're hurt by his failings?
Does he know that his marriage is on the line?


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

You're telling him what his job is and what his responsibility is and then critiquing his work performance. You sound more like his boss than his wife. You are a nag. We reap what we sow. Stop the nagging, start loving him better. If you want more from him, start giving him more.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You sound like you hate him and for his sake I hope he divorces YOU.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

How on earth did you let a fat, lazy, useless, disappointing loser get his dik into you to begin with???

He sounds repulsive which would make most ladies run for the hills but you did a lot more than let him chat you up!

Why would you let this repulsive guy crawl on top of you to begin with much less even go out on a first date?

Did you believe he was a project and you could improve him? I suppose that's common enough though totally misguided.

Better to learn late than never. You shouldn't date men who you feel this way about.

You should only date men who you can at least respect and have some qualities already that you would like to have in your life.

I will say congratulations about your baby. I really hope you two go to counseling and learn to improve your marriage at least for your child but maybe something real can be salvaged and built on to where you both appreciate each other more.

It does sound like both of you have some improvements to make on yourselves.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

I wonder what his list about you would be like.

You should sit down, ask him, and then be quiet.

Just an fyi. Dumping a bag of salt isn’t going to bust your paving stones.
That’s blame without fault.

Only good mention in your post was about your handyman. 
Does anyone do a proper job in your view?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Sunny111 said:


> Should I divorce my husband ???
> I always think about it. I’m 6 months pregnant.
> Since I’ve known him he’s always disappointed me. I want so badly give him a task and have him do it right. Seems like he can only go to work. And when he has free time he wants to relax. I make more than him and we split mortgage and houses expenses 50/50. But he does pay most of the time when we go out to dinner.
> When we moved into our house his responsibility was to get the locks changed … it’s been a year and a half since we moved and still hasn’t been done. In the meantime I paid for the house being painted and bought most of the furniture. He helped pay for certain furniture items but I’ve mostly furnished the home since he states he doesn’t need it.
> ...


And so you're married to this person for whom you have zero respect, that you don't even LIKE, much less love, and so you got pregnant? Yeah, for his sake, divorce him. What a mess.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

I bet you're super fun at parties.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

It sounds like your husband could use some improvements but so could you. You seem like a controlling, domineering, nagging wife. Sounds like you guys need to sit down and communicate your expectations for one another.

If you are not attracted to him I'm assuming he's not getting any sex from you? That could be a reason for his lack of motivation.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

thunderchad said:


> If you are not attracted to him I'm assuming he's not getting any sex from you? That could be a reason for his lack of motivation.


In defense of the fun police no one wants to do a post marriage pig.


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## Chaotic (Jul 6, 2013)

If you constantly find fault with the way someone does things, they will do less and less with/for you. 🤷

It sounds like you have a lot of anger and resentment. Counseling might help. Or skip straight to divorce if you are past the point of being able to discuss these things with him in a respectful way.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sunny111 said:


> Should I divorce my husband ???
> I always think about it. I’m 6 months pregnant.
> Since I’ve known him he’s always disappointed me. I want so badly give him a task and have him do it right. Seems like he can only go to work. And when he has free time he wants to relax. I make more than him and we split mortgage and houses expenses 50/50. But he does pay most of the time when we go out to dinner.
> When we moved into our house his responsibility was to get the locks changed … it’s been a year and a half since we moved and still hasn’t been done. In the meantime I paid for the house being painted and bought most of the furniture. He helped pay for certain furniture items but I’ve mostly furnished the home since he states he doesn’t need it.
> ...


You should write a post about how you dated, married and now are having a child with a guy who always disappointed you. What exactly were you expecting?

I suspect a lot of your anger here is really with yourself and the fact that you married him and then decided you can do better. Which of course means it will only grow. Thing is, sounds like your husband didn't change, you did. He is probably thinking what the hell happened to this women who seem perfectly happy to marry me but now spends all her waking hours being pissed at me, because he probably is the same guy he always was. Not saying he is great but he is probably not going to change. Seems unfair to know who he is and then get mad at him for it. Again why did you marry him?

By the way did you pick your name as an irony? That's funny.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Mr. married got to it before I did.

all I needed to see was “ever since I’ve known him, he has disappointed me.”

gotta say that is the first time I’ve ever read something like that here. Many of us have marriage issues. I certainly have my fair share. There are also many great qualities about my wife that I love.

saying someone is a disappointment ever since youve met them? Why on earth would you marry someone like that let alone date?


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Sunny111 said:


> Should I divorce my husband ???
> I always think about it. I’m 6 months pregnant.
> Since I’ve known him he’s always disappointed me. I want so badly give him a task and have him do it right. Seems like he can only go to work. And when he has free time he wants to relax. I make more than him and we split mortgage and houses expenses 50/50. But he does pay most of the time when we go out to dinner.
> When we moved into our house his responsibility was to get the locks changed … it’s been a year and a half since we moved and still hasn’t been done. In the meantime I paid for the house being painted and bought most of the furniture. He helped pay for certain furniture items but I’ve mostly furnished the home since he states he doesn’t need it.
> ...


I bet my wife can say a lot of the same things about me and I'm sure I can say a lot about her also. But guess what? we don't.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I bet my wife can say a lot of the same things about me and I'm sure I can say a lot about her also. But guess what? we don't.


Same here. because we don't keep score.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sunny111 said:


> Should I divorce my husband ???
> I always think about it. I’m 6 months pregnant.
> Since I’ve known him he’s always disappointed me. I want so badly give him a task and have him do it right. Seems like he can only go to work. And when he has free time he wants to relax. I make more than him and we split mortgage and houses expenses 50/50. But he does pay most of the time when we go out to dinner.
> When we moved into our house his responsibility was to get the locks changed … it’s been a year and a half since we moved and still hasn’t been done. In the meantime I paid for the house being painted and bought most of the furniture. He helped pay for certain furniture items but I’ve mostly furnished the home since he states he doesn’t need it.
> ...


If you always think about divorce, why on earth did you get pregnant by him? 

If you're not happy and can get along by yourself with a new baby and financially, by all means divorce him. He does some stuff for you but he's not going to do it your way because none of them do, and a lot of that is passive aggessiveness, just rebelling on you telling him what to do, but not all of it. Some of it is just not being as good at that type thing, plus not wanting to do it. It's very common. One of my friend's husbands wouldn't even allow their trees that were tearing up their roof to be trimmed for some odd reason. When they first bought their home, he wouldn't do any improvements, so she and her mother did the painting themselves. Some people are just odd and lazy and would live in a hovel with their socks scattered around them. I don't know if he's even capable of supervising an electrician, but yeah, he ought to be able to tell him, hey it's crooked. He probably isn't very assertive. 

I mean, you say he loves you, but if he's not trying to make you happy doing these things, not sure how much he loves you, not enough to change, which again isn't at all unusual and happens all the time. People are who they are. You usually can't make longterm changes. 

A friend of mine divorced her first husband for similar reasons, plus he worked but he had no ambitions to ever be anything more than a stoned fry cook. Didn't help around the house. Went to marriage counseling, where they told her to ask him once to do whatever the housekeeping chore was and then stop talking about it. Didn't work. Claimed to not want a car or to split the insurance on hers even though she drove him 20 miles every day to his fry cook job. Just petty lazy selfish stuff. 

He was otherwise a nice person. I enjoyed being around him, but he was a classic stoner who was only fun when that's all he had to do. 

She always wondered if he finally matured and made some woman a wonderful husband, and we both kind of assumed he'd have to because he had to live alone for some time and take care of himself. 

As it happens, 20-some years later, one of her old friends began living with him. She recently had a stroke and so my friend made contact with her for the first time in a long time and asked who was taking care of her, and she told her he (my friend's first husband) couldn't do it. She'd ask him to take care of something for her because she can't do anything much and he wouldn't get around to it for a very long time. So she's looking for other options. So yeah, those guys don't change. 

But if you do find a guy who knows what he's doing and will take charge a little, you will HAVE to not tell him HOW to do things your way and stand back and let him do it his way as long as it gets done.

Would you even be able to trust your husband to take care of the kids (once not an infant) 50/50 custody? Because that is the norm now in the US. Because if not and if he's ANY help right now with kids, then you will be working full time, raising a baby (don't know how unless you have a willing relative) and doing all the housework still plus servicemen chores.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

She never said her fat slob of a husband was the father.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

What do you bring to the table besides money? Did you ever love him? If not leave. You have money.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You are just with him to avoid being alone. Leave. You are miserable and sound very vengeful. Why stay?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

sokillme said:


> You should write a post about how you dated, married and now are having a child with a guy who always disappointed you. What exactly were you expecting?


it seems like you chose this man, knowing his faults, so you have to learn how to live with him now.

plenty of people have productive marriages by distancing themselves from the spouse, finding outside of the house activities, volunteering for charity work, etc. Give him some space and fill your life up with other pursuits.

A lot of guys go off on hunting, fishing, motorcycle trips with their buds for exactly this reason. hanging around the house 100% of the time just would not work for them


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