# Fast and Hard But Not Dominated



## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

Just looking for some ideas based on what someone wrote about what women like. 

My wife has often advised that she prefers quick, hard sex to a long and drawn out evening of sex. Sometimes I get what she is saying but mostly I prefer the long seduction, oils, kissing and foreplay... Being teased. 

For those who prefer the fast and hard, but not in a desire eof being dominated (that just pisses her off), what would the 15 minutes look like in your fantasy? 

In other words, and not trying to be to mechanical, start with some ravenous kissing, teasing lightly down the front, a quick oral until she is well lubed then PIV? 

I am asking because she does not open up (or, more, claims she has no fantasies), and am looking to surprise her but can't seem to think the way she does. 

Note: She orgasms via PIV, even quicker with oral, and generally does not like toys.


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## philreag (Apr 2, 2015)

Sounds similar in some way to my STBXW.

How often do you have sex and when did it slow down?


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

It slowed down after the first kid about 25 years ago. Picked up only 6 months ago and is better,mainly because of a lot of work on my side and little on hers.


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## philreag (Apr 2, 2015)

My situation was very strange.

My STBXW wanted to be spontaneously taken, fast and hard, with passion. Unless of course I tried to do it. Then she would reject the advances with "Why are you groping me?" She wanted spontaneity on her terms.

As our sexless years continued she still fantasized about this but because of years of rejection and emotional abuse I wasn't always ready. I never knew when I would be shot down.

So even though she wanted it, she did not want it from me.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I like to think of sex as a roller coaster, usually we climb some several small hills, maybe go through a loop, more twists, then at the end there is one large hill to an orgasm. 

If I'm preoccupied, it's the wrong time of the month, tired, etc, I can't maintain arousal through the whole ride, which makes the final plunge toward orgasm ineffectual. So sometimes I just want to start climbing the hill and take the plunge. Therefore, once arousal starts there is no letting up, continue the process straight through with no diversions or teasing.

I'm pretty good at letting Mr Giro know ahead of time if we need to take the short ride, the long ride, or just concentrate totally on him because there won't be a plunge for me.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Can you meet halfway? Sometimes do long drawn-out evenings, and sometimes fast and hard? That way you both feel you're getting what you want? 

Foreplay. LOTS of foreplay (a larger proportion of sex than men typically would prefer). I did notice something interesting you mentioned - that she orgasms when you go down on her. But your suggestion includes only going down on her until she is lubricated. Why not bring her all the way there, then PIV? 

I take it light hair-pulling, spanking, that sort of thing is off the table if she doesn't like being dominated, but i'm sure being married to her for so long, you know where her erogenous zones are - what does she like? Have you had a frank conversation about what she enjoys? For example, if you whisper in her ear what you want to do to her, how much you want her, how would that go over? It's hard to generalize about what all women like, because everyone is different - ask her.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

It depends on your wife and can vary at different times of the month.

For me, when I'm hormonal and teary I want lots of cuddling, kissing and fully body contact. Mid cycle I'm raging randy and want to be thrown down and done right there, now. Lol.


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## Mommywhatohnothing (May 30, 2016)

My feet are my greatest erogenous zone. I loved it when my husband would rub them, then lick them and suck on my toes, then lick and kiss his way up my inner calves and thighs until he reached home base. Depending on how long he spent on this, sometimes I would explode almost the minute his mouth touched me down there.

We never did fast and hard. He's not the type and since I've never had it that way I don't know if I would like it or not. I can't say that it's something I've ever fantasized about.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

frusdil said:


> It depends on your wife and can vary at different times of the month.
> 
> For me, when I'm hormonal and teary I want lots of cuddling, kissing and fully body contact. Mid cycle I'm raging randy and want to be thrown down and done right there, now. Lol.


What she said. Except I'm always down for getting tossed around.


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

philreag said:


> My situation was very strange.
> 
> My STBXW wanted to be spontaneously taken, fast and hard, with passion. Unless of course I tried to do it. Then she would reject the advances with "Why are you groping me?" She wanted spontaneity on her terms.
> 
> ...


That sounds a lot like my wife. Trying to figure out when you can take her and not piss her off is a challenge.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I'm printing this thread off and keeping it in my pocket. The next time someone says that women are easy to understand, I'll just show them the paper.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Tortdog said:


> That sounds a lot like my wife. Trying to figure out when you can take her and not piss her off is a challenge.


I think the idea is to take her at her word and just give it a go.

If she rejects it, then you can remind her of that the next time she mentions what she'd like.

I think the idea is to for the man to just be so driven by passion that he doesn't really even concern himself with what she wants.

Now, as to how this actually works IRL..........................


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## KJ_Simmons (Jan 12, 2016)

It's all in your mindset, then the actions follow. You don't go fast for fast's sake - that would be way too mechanical.


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