# I have had an affair for 7 years



## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

I have been with my wife for 9 years and after about 2 years met another woman. I have 2 kids with my wife and although we get a long, I do not have any desire to show her affection. 

I have had an affair for 7 years and just recently she became divorced and is now asking me to decide what I want to do.,

The "other girl" has 3 kids and works in another town. I am contemplating divorce and not sure what to do. 

The other girl left her husband about 6 months ago and was waiting for me to decide and just recently started dating and it is killing me. 

I know Its not fair to my wife, nor do I want to lose my children. I am a complete mess and haven't been able to eat for days.

I know I am an awful person..


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

jeeperyj said:


> I have been with my wife for 9 years and after about 2 years met another woman. I have 2 kids with my wife and although we get a long, I do not have any desire to show her affection.
> 
> I have had an affair for 7 years and just recently she became divorced and is now asking me to decide what I want to do.,
> 
> ...


Geez. 

Why do you stay with your wife if you are not physically attracted to her. 

Do your wife a favor and ask for a divorce. 

I don't think you are a terrible person. I think you are self absorbed and selfish, but not terrible.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I think you should free your wife to find someone who will show her affection and not cheat on her.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Your W must be a very strong and loyal woman to persist in a marriage that must be lousy due to a H that has invested all his emotional energy elsewhere.

Please divorce your W so that huge weight of a one-sided marriage can be lifted from her and she can have a chance to flourish again.

As to your relationship with your mistress, I have no advice, you will both just do what you want anyways I'm sure.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

What is it on TAM these days???? Where are they all coming from???


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

jeeperyj said:


> I know I am an awful person..





jeeperyj said:


> I know I am an awful person..





jeeperyj said:


> I know I am an awful person..





jeeperyj said:


> I know I am an awful person..





jeeperyj said:


> I know I am an awful person..





jeeperyj said:


> I know I am an awful person..





jeeperyj said:


> I know I am an awful person..





jeeperyj said:


> I know I am an awful person..





sorry, it's threads like these that get me riled up


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## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

Show your wife some respect for once in your marriage.

Let her live her life loved, since you obviously don't have the character and courage to do so.


Then sit back and watch this OW cheat on you, cause that is more then likely your future. Do you think for a second OW has any respect for you?


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> What is it on TAM these days???? Where are they all coming from???


Yeah, no ****, I think the govt put something in the water...


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

If you know you are acting like a awful person, its real easy.. QUIT IT! do whats right, its really not that hard, really its not, you just have to start, its in you, find it, let it out..........


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

When you say do what's right, what is the chance I could end the affair and be decent to my wife, after all I think it's the affair that caused me to ignore her.. 
my w is a very strong person and doesn't deserve what I have done.


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## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

jeeperyj said:


> I know Its not fair to my wife, nor do I want to lose my children. I am a complete mess and haven't been able to eat for days.
> 
> I know I am an awful person..


I agree with you...you are awful.

So the OW was ok with everything for 7 years and now that her "relationship" has ended she wants you to do the same or lose her? Hmmm!


Nope its not fair to your wife and im sure you do not want to lose your children BUT should this had not been a thought 7 years ago? As long as you were both tied down to others you had no problem but now your mistress is dating :scratchhead: you have a problem? Really?!

You have no right to be upset she is dating.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

7/9ths of your marriage was a complete and utter sham

forgetting the question that your wife would even want R-
do you really think you can save it?


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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

7 years??? 7??? I know you want advice on what to do BUT haven't you already made the choice??? So why hold on to your poor wife all this time and lead her to believe she is in a life long marriage?

and really you care about your children? Hum-odd because part of parenting is being a role model and I believe you and your mistress (oh she was married too w/kids-good one on ya'lls part messing with everyone's life around you) screwed that one up.

7 years???


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Am I the only one who gets the feeling we're being played?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

jeeperyj said:


> When you say do what's right, what is the chance I could end the affair and be decent to my wife, *after all I think it's the affair that caused me to ignore her*..
> my w is a very strong person and doesn't deserve what I have done.


Gee, ya think? Now there is a revelation. I would say your chances of ending it, explaining it to your W, truly reconciling, and having complete transparency and trust with each other are next to nothing.

If you both really want a good marriage, you could work at it, but after cheating for nearly your entire marriage, why would either of you really want it? I suspect if you chose to return to your marriage and be yourself with your W for once, she probably wouldn't even like the person you really are, she has grown accustomed to the jerk she thought she was committed to for life.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

jeeperyj said:


> When you say do what's right, what is the chance I could end the affair and be decent to my wife, after all I think it's the affair that caused me to ignore her..
> my w is a very strong person and doesn't deserve what I have done.


Yes, end the affair NOW, tell your wife whats happened, doing whats right starts with being honest with yourself, and your wife.

Wait whooaaa, you ask "whats the chance of being decent to my wife" Do you even love your wife?


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## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Am I the only one who gets the feeling we're being played?


I thought the same but I heard a story from a friend of mine the other day very simaler to this (gender roles reversed) and I know that the one my friend told me is true so I now know how selfish and inconsiderate people can be.


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

I know I could be on a Jerry Springer episode but this is true. I am looking for help and my parents tell me to stay for the kids.. They also said leave the other woman and I could fix my marriage.

Not sure if there is anything left


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Tell your wife the truth and let her make the decision for you if you stay married or not!!!!!!!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

jeeperyj said:


> When you say do what's right, what is the chance I could end the affair and be decent to my wife, after all I think it's the affair that caused me to ignore her..
> my w is a very strong person and doesn't deserve what I have done.


There is absolutely zero chance that you can just end the affair and be decent to your wife. It's far, far too late for that.

The only way to be "decent" is to be honest and tell your wife everything. She will help you decide what to do next, believe me. This is her life, too, and she has the right to decide how she wants to live it, with _complete information_ so she can make an informed decision.


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## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Am I the only one who gets the feeling we're being played?


I thought the same but I heard a story from a friend of mine the other day very simaler to this and I know that the one my friend told me is true so I now know how selfish and inconsiderate people can be. 

The kicker is the one I know feels mad that his mistress is dating too...Really? <headshake>


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Am I the only one who gets the feeling we're being played?


Nah, school is out in some areas...Summer fun begins. Out come the bridge dwellers. At the very least, they make things interesting. Unfortunately, they also stir things up so much that people don't notice the REAL posters....


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## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Just curious...how old are your children?


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## better than before (Aug 3, 2011)

All I can say is WOW, how very sad! I hope your wife can find the support she needs. 7 weeks was hard...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Am I the only one who gets the feeling we're being played?


Over

and

over

and

over

again.

JeepersCreepers, or whatever your name is, figure it out and good luck.


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

Kids are 3,6


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I think you are a wonderful person. If having everything in life is a measure of a person that is. You enjoyed the comforts of hearth and home. A woman who gave you kids, provided you with sex and allowed you to treat her like sh!t for almost 10 years. And she did not get rid of you! 

At the same time you had a mistress to escape to and have passionate love. I cannot see why you are not eating, drinking and sleeping like Bacchus, celebrating your fortunate life. 

This is just a small wrinkle, if your mistress does not want to keep her position in 2nd place then tell her to take a walk and get another better mistress. 

There are plenty of foolish married women in the world. Enough for every foolish married man so, don't fret.

See that was not so hard. Can't think why you did not figure this out yourself.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I guess I am becoming a cycnical little jellybean when I don't even believe the stories being told anymore. 

Sigh.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You are a toxic man. You should not be in any committed relationship with a woman until you address and resolve your issues that have lead you to the destruction of two marriages and two families. For your sake and those who love you, end your affair and seek some counseling, now.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

jeeperyj said:


> I know I could be on a Jerry Springer episode but this is true. I am looking for help and my parents tell me to stay for the kids.. They also said leave the other woman and I could fix my marriage.
> 
> Not sure if there is anything left


Look, your parents are the ones who raised you, made you who you are.

Are you sure taking their advice makes sense?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Have some ethics.
Your AP has already started dating someone.
You have a good person in your wife. You have kids.
If you are sincere, confess with your wife. You have already told your parents.
I am sorry for your wife.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

jeeperyj said:


> I have been with my wife for 9 years and after about 2 years met another woman. I have 2 kids with my wife and although we get a long, I do not have any desire to show her affection.
> 
> I have had an affair for 7 years and just recently she became divorced and is now asking me to decide what I want to do.,
> 
> ...


So what was your question again? Your OW is divorcing and dating after having a 7 year affair with you, and you don't know what to do? It is at THIS POINT you are considering divorcing your wife of 9 years? So that you could marry this OW?

I think you should go for it. Really. You two really deserve each other. Let your wife go and marry this OW. I think most of us here have enough intuition to know exactly how that will turn out. :rofl:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

BigLiam said:


> Look, your parents are the ones who raised you, made you who you are.
> 
> Are you sure taking their advice makes sense?


His parents have nothing to do with the actions he deliberately takes. It's called free will, personal accountability.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I guess I am becoming a cycnical little jellybean when I don't even believe the stories being told anymore.
> 
> Sigh.


all your flavors are now licorice


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

jeeperyj said:


> I know I could be on a Jerry Springer episode but this is true. I am looking for help and my parents tell me to stay for the kids.. They also said leave the other woman and I could fix my marriage.
> 
> Not sure if there is anything left


 
There isn't. You disconnected from your wife years ago, and I'm sure you don't have the balls to be honest with her now. Why would she want you at this point if you were to be honest? If you were mine I'd kick you out so fast my foot would end up wedged up your a**.


and I'm usually such a nice person....


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Just owndering if he is demonstrating values imbued in him during childhood.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Childhood has nothing to do with the actions he's taking NOW. They are his own CHOICE.

Accountability is what he needs. Owning is what he needs. Deflecting what he's doing/has done onto his parents isn't the answer.

His parents did not make him fvck around on his wife the last 7 years. He did that all on his own.

If this "story" is even true. Meh. 



Almostrecovered said:


> all your flavors are now licorice


...and I hate licorice.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

What about beer flavored jellybeans, you like those?..


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Love those. Corona jellybeans.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Love those. Corona jellybeans.


Now your talking....Somebeach,somewhere......


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Wow. A Long Term Affair (LTA) here. 



jeeperyj said:


> I have been with my wife for 9 years and after about 2 years met another woman. I have 2 kids with my wife and although we get a long, I do not have any desire to show her affection.


So two years into the marriage and you started cheating already. 7 out of 9 years? I feel sorry for your BW, she doesn't know that most of her marriage has been a lie. Let me guess, since you have two children now, you had at least one of those children while in your affair. That's downright despicable. Of course you don't have any desire to show her the love she deserves, you've been giving it to your OW.



jeeperyj said:


> I have had an affair for 7 years and just recently she became divorced and is now asking me to decide what I want to do.,


And you think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, eh? 



jeeperyj said:


> The "other girl" has 3 kids and works in another town. I am contemplating divorce and not sure what to do.


And do you think that those kids will take a shine to you, the man who helped wreck their lives? You need a dose of reality. You should divorce, not for you, but to set your poor betrayed wife free. 



jeeperyj said:


> The other girl left her husband about 6 months ago and was waiting for me to decide and *just recently started dating and it is killing me.*


See? If they cheat with you, they will cheat ON you. And this is the type of woman you've ruined your marriage for? 



jeeperyj said:


> I know Its not fair to my wife, nor do I want to lose my children. I am a complete mess and haven't been able to eat for days.


Damn right its not fair to her. You haven't been able to eat for days? But I guess you have no problem eating for the last 7 years, yes? Yes, you will lose your children, this is called consequences, and you must suffer the consquences for your actions.



jeeperyj said:


> I know I am an awful person..


You may or may not be an awful person, but from what you describe here, I'll tell you this: You are an awful husband, that's for sure. You've cheated on your BW early into the marriage and you continued to string her along for 7 years, making her believe the lies that you fed her. She has no idea that her marriage has been a lie. An honorable man would have set her and the kids free long ago or thrown himself at his BWs mercy and try and fix the damage that he's done. Instead, all you're thinking about is yourself, how it affects you, and your feelings for this OW. It's all about you.


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

Man up, tell your wife what you've done, do whatever it takes to help her heal and do what you promised you'd do on the day you married her(if she'll have you)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

I don't think he thinks the grass is greener,just that his cake eating days are over with this particular OW.Maybe worried he's going to be outed by her and then he may actually have to do something about that "awful man" thingy.


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Wow. A Long Term Affair (LTA) here.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This post was eye opening and really helpful... Thank you

I wasn't ready for marriage 9 years ago, and have made horrible decisions. There is a part of me that thinks I can still save this. My wife at first used to do all sorts of things with me, she then (before the affair) slowly stopped doing things with me.. She said she liked golfing, so I bought us a set of clubs, we went one and never again. She said she liked biking, I bought bikes we went once and never again.. I tried this for a couple of years and couldn't find one thing we both like to do. Of course after the first 2 years, I didn't put forth the effort.


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## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

Both of your children were born during the affair...
You said one was 3 and one was 6.

Let your wife go.You will still see the kids but they will have a chance to heal with you out of the house.

I always am amazed at the mentality... Your mistress is now sleeping with another man after her divorce...are you sure she was only sleeping with you for those 7 years? I mean its not like shes a faithful person or anything. did it not bother you that you were exposing you wife to possible disease?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

First you said you know you started ignoring your wife when you began the affair. Now the story is that your wife stopped doing things with you (ignoring you).

Playa, please. Try harder.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Childhood has nothing to do with the actions he's taking NOW. They are his own CHOICE.
> 
> Accountability is what he needs. Owning is what he needs. Deflecting what he's doing/has done onto his parents isn't the answer.
> 
> ...


I love licorice. And, was being a bit facetious re the folks as a source of advice.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

jeeperyj said:


> This post was eye opening and really helpful... Thank you
> 
> I wasn't ready for marriage 9 years ago, and have made horrible decisions. There is a part of me that thinks I can still save this. My wife at first used to do all sorts of things with me, she then (before the affair) slowly stopped doing things with me.. She said she liked golfing, so I bought us a set of clubs, we went one and never again. She said she liked biking, I bought bikes we went once and never again.. I tried this for a couple of years and couldn't find one thing we both like to do. Of course after the first 2 years, I didn't put forth the effort.


You wife slowly stopped doing things with you......

Let me guess. She had children? She became a parent? Protecting and nurturing the children became a priority so she didn't have time or the inclination to play golf or ride bikes? She was maybe a little tired of running the household and taking care of the children all day all by herself?

Let me guess again. You didn't help her out much around the house? Help with the children? You were too absorbed in your own needs to worry about she was doing and why she might have wished you'd been a little more helpful? Your solution was to cheat on her? To bail out emotionally 7 years ago?

So what's there to discuss?


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> You wife slowly stopped doing things with you......
> 
> Let me guess. She had children? She became a parent? Protecting and nurturing the children became a priority so she didn't have time or the inclination to play golf or ride bikes? She was maybe a little tired of running the household and taking care of the children all day all by herself?
> 
> ...


That is accurate, although I do everything I can with the kids, my wife does maintain the house, she does the cleaning, washing, etc, and I take no part in that..


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

mommyofthree said:


> Both of your children were born during the affair...
> You said one was 3 and one was 6.
> 
> Let your wife go.You will still see the kids but they will have a chance to heal with you out of the house.
> ...


She was pregnant with the oldest when I met the other. Makes me even more horrible.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Then confess this to your BW. Give her full disclosure, no Trickle Truth (TT) in an attempt to spare her feelings. 

There is no future with your OW and you know it. That's why you haven't jumped ship already. She's already cheating again. But you MIGHT have a future with your BW and children. Stop your affair now! Do the honorable thing. 

Give your BW the opportunity to decide if she wants to stay in this marriage with you.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

jeeperyj said:


> She was pregnant with the oldest when I met the other. Makes me even more horrible.


What do you want from us here at TAM? Validation that you are a horrible person? You are. Advise? Divorce your wife and free her of you.

Are you just here to play with us, or are you trying to actually see yourself from other people's perspective and to learn something here? If so, there is not much to discuss. You cheated on your wife, you still have feelings for the OW, divorce your wife, take the consequences like a man, and move on. Perhaps you can ruin the OW's life this time. Poetic Justice.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

wow!!!
I wonder how in 7 years your wife hasn't suspected anything yet!!!

She either blindly trusts you or you've been extremely good at hiding it.

Poor her! Poor her and your kids!


Also, did the OW divorce from her husband because of you?
Did she promise you she would?


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

You know, if you ignore the OW she will eventually get really p*ssed off and tell your wife everything.......

So you might as well be the one to come clean to your wife before the OW exposes your 7 year betrayal....!!!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Does your wife know the OW?


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

You are not for real. I can tell.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

jeeperyj said:


> When you say do what's right, what is the chance I could end the affair and be decent to my wife, after all I think it's the affair that caused me to ignore her..
> my w is a very strong person and doesn't deserve what I have done.


Yep. You got that right. 

If you put the energy into your wife that you put into the OW, you would likely have a great marriage. 

So, since you know what you need to do, either do it or set your poor wife free. Geez.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Bottled Up said:


> You are not for real. I can tell.


Sorry. Couldn't resist.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Sorry. Couldn't resist.


I'm voting on stupid.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

jeeperyj said:


> This post was eye opening and really helpful... Thank you
> 
> I wasn't ready for marriage 9 years ago, and have made horrible decisions. There is a part of me that thinks I can still save this. My wife at first used to do all sorts of things with me, she then (before the affair) slowly stopped doing things with me.. She said she liked golfing, so I bought us a set of clubs, we went one and never again. She said she liked biking, I bought bikes we went once and never again.. I tried this for a couple of years and couldn't find one thing we both like to do. Of course after the first 2 years, I didn't put forth the effort.


Your likely fibbing to yourself. 

So, your wife didn't like two things you likely tried to force her to like. Come on. There had to be things you could both share. 

Are you saying you destroyed your wife and family because she hated golf and biking?

Geez. Has the world gone mad.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I think you are a wonderful person. If having everything in life is a measure of a person that is. You enjoyed the comforts of hearth and home. A woman who gave you kids, provided you with sex and allowed you to treat her like sh!t for almost 10 years. And she did not get rid of you!
> 
> At the same time you had a mistress to escape to and have passionate love. I cannot see why you are not eating, drinking and sleeping like Bacchus, celebrating your fortunate life.
> 
> ...


Loved you post. Just one correction. Do not elevate the OW to a mistress. A mistress is usually fully supported by the Married man. The MM buys them a house and a car and gives them a monthly stipend. 

Most OWs are just ladies who are spreading their legs for free vacations and dinners out and the extra attention they feel (real or imagined) that they don't get from their typically unsuspecting husbands.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Sorry. Couldn't resist.


My vote goes to trolling. I can't imagine anyone being that stupid. Then posting here. Then looking for validation? Advise? Duh?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Love those. Corona jellybeans.


Do you take two of them with a lime jellybean?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

survivorwife said:


> My vote goes to trolling. I can't imagine anyone being that stupid. Then posting here. Then looking for validation? Advise? Duh?


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 



tacoma said:


> Do you take two of them with a lime jellybean?


How did you know? It's the only way!!!


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

I actually was looking for advice.. Not validation. I know what I did was wrong and hurtful.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

jeeperyj said:


> I actually was looking for advice.. Not validation. I know what I did was wrong and hurtful.


Tell your wife the truth before the OW does...that is my advice.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

jeeperyj said:


> I actually was looking for advice.. Not validation. I know what I did was wrong and hurtful.


And yet you still haven't indicated what your intentions are. Or what you want to do. Or what you are willing to do. The advice is obvious all the way down the line. Own your actions. Tell your wife. Take the consequences. You drove the marriage into the ditch and you know it. As for the OW, it appears you want to continue with her. Then do so. Just show a little self-respect and let your wife be done with you first. You owe her that much. 

No excuses, and beating yourself up about what you did is not scoring any points as it changes nothing.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

jeeperyj said:


> I actually was looking for advice.. Not validation. I know what I did was wrong and hurtful.


You have 2 options: get a divorce or end the affair and work on your marriage.

Yes, it really is that simple.

Idk what you're looking for really cause those are the options you have. After 7 years if you haven't figured this out, you're SOL. You've been leading a double life for nearly a decade now. Surely it must be tiring as hell.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

jeeperyj said:


> I actually was looking for advice.. Not validation. I know what I did was wrong and hurtful.


Here is my advice. Leave your wife and kids and go to your lady love. She left her husband for you, so don't abandon her in her hour of need. 

You two have been loyal to each other for 7 years under very difficult circumstances. You were both encumbered by spouses and children.

Your lover has jettisoned her spouse and you can get rid of your wife and leave your kids to your wife. 

The two of you and her 3 kids - sounds like familial bliss is at hand for two star crossed lovers.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

You have been in two relationships for 7 years. The OW finally either got found out or her H decided he had , had enough despite having children.

The Kids will not be okay They will not get over it quickly. Your life is going to turn to **** any moment now.

Your wife deserves better than you. You have treated her appallingly for 7 years. 

Why do you think you are entitled to this? 
Why do you think it is alright to destroy all these children s futures because your wife doesn't go on bike rides with you?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Does your wife have any idea that things aren't well between you? What kind of relationship do you have with your wife?


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Unbelievable ... simply unbelievable! You should feel lower than life for what you've done. Set your poor wife free - she deserves better.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I smell fear, not any type of remorse. The safest way to cheat is to cheat with another married person. Both people have much to lose, the secret is held tighter. Now that the OW isn't married anymore she will start singing like a bird when Mr. Awful doesn't do as she commands. Interesting Mr. Awful hasn't been upset about this for 7 years but now that his married OW isn't married any longer the game has changed and he is losing control. 

Guess the Karma bus is about to shift into drive and start picking up speed.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

I usually never post anything on these sick threads... but this time... Is it just me... or do you feel like you want to puke. Please god, I hope this is just another Troll on CWI.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

My advice: Leave your wife and kids. Make sure they are financially supported by get out.

You are a bad influence on your children - so remove yourself.

You are a bad husband - your wife can do so so much better - so remove yourself.

Now go to your OW. Like you, she is a selfish remorseless cheater - you two are made from the same cloth.

BTW - have you noticed your OW is already cheating on you with other men? A really keeper, like you, she is!


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You said, I know what I DID, was wrong---have you stopped with this OW.

Basically you have been a biggamist for 7 yrs, you just don't have a license, to make it a crime.

How do you come on here and tell us you wanna take care of your kids, and wanna be a good father---good fathers do not sleep with strange women, for 7 yrs., of a 9 year mge.----I can't believe your wife doesn't know that you are cheating----you must be quite the artist, at deception, lying, conniving, manipulation----what do you tell yourself, each day.

Your kids are gonna be hurt worse than anyone else in this whole mess----I have one statistic for you, as a parting gift--------97% of all hookups from adulterous situations, FAIL.!!!!


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

What are you going to do when the OW, gets sick of your crap and decides to tell your wife?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

It's eating at you? How SELFISH are you? What about your WIFE? The woman who LOVES you! How do you think she's going to feel when you tell her you've betrayed her for the last 7 years. Wow! Unfrickenbeliveable! 

You are one big jerk thinking about only yourself. Also, us patents are to set good examples for our children. By you having an affair all these year will show your son that it's okay to be unfaithful and your daughter that it's okay to marry a man who will stray. 

Your hurting your wife and your children. Leave your wife and the OW. Get help for yourself and learn how to be a real man and respect women.

If you do end up with the OW, one or both of you will be unfaithful in the relationship. Once a cheater, always a cheater.


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## Sweet Tea (May 4, 2012)

Oh for the love of God man, grow a pair. 

Listen, I am not even going to suggest R for you. Your wife has had a 2 year marriage, the other 7 were a lie. Put your big boy pants on, do the honorable thing and let your wife live her remaining years with honesty and truth. Something she has not had for 7 years.

I know this is hard and I do have some empathy for you but stop being selfish, grow up and do the right thing.

If you have one ounce of love left for your wife use it to make her life better, without you.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I wrote up a long message, but decided not to post it. It ended up sounding self-justifying and rationalizing my actions.

Short version... I cheated on my wife. I'm not proud of that fact, but here's my advice. End your marriage, or come clean to your wife and try to fix it. Although given the length of your affair, I'd advise your wife to not even attempt to take you back. But keep in mind that your relationship with your OW is likely doomed from the start, and if you end your marriage and try to have a relationship with her, your affair in all it's glory will likely come to light. So you're pretty much in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. But it's not likely to get better with age.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Lone Star said:


> Guess the Karma bus is about to shift into drive and start picking up speed.


 :rofl: I would love to see this cheater get thrown under the Karma bus. I hope it leaves some nice deep tire tracks....


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

strugglinghusband said:


> What are you going to do when the OW, gets sick of your crap and decides to tell your wife?


Yeah, your OW doesn't have a marriage of her own to protect now - so she can fully expose you to your wife.


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

I am going to tell my wife I want to leave.. I tried last night but she took off...


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

jeeperyj said:


> I am going to tell my wife I want to leave.. I tried last night but she took off...


Give her the reason why, include the OW's name and how long you have been cheating . At least then she know why she has to move on from you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

People keep saying it will fail if I leave for the OW, what is left in my current marriage.. I have a failure both ways.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

jeeperyj said:


> People keep saying it will fail if I leave for the OW, what is left in my current marriage.. I have a failure both ways.


Your marriage is where it is because you made it so , your wish to be with your OW is granted. Free your wife , tell her the truth so she can move on with her life. You can then play happy families with your new wife/mistress. You'll be stuck with this OW for the rest of your life, happy days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

jeeperyj said:


> People keep saying it will fail if I leave for the OW, what is left in my current marriage.. I have a failure both ways.


Sounds like you want us to throw you a pity party. When you are all alone, and you will be, just remember...you are the maker of your own misery.


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

Mrs. T said:


> Sounds like you want us to throw you a pity party. When you are all alone, and you will be, just remember...you are the maker of your own misery.


That doesn't bother me, as it would be better to be alone than what I have done.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

jeeperyj said:


> When you say do what's right, what is the chance I could end the affair and be decent to my wife, after all I think it's the affair that caused me to ignore her..


It's not unusual for someone to decide to perhaps work on their marriage once the person they're having an affair with is free and wanting more of a commitment from them... 

So far you've spent the 'best' part of your marriage giving the love and attention you should have been giving to your wife, to someone else. I think the most decent thing you could do, right now, is set your wife free to meet someone who will love and appreciate her.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

jeeperyj said:


> People keep saying it will fail if I leave for the OW, what is left in my current marriage.. I have a failure both ways.


3% 

so you have a shot!!


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Do you love either one of these women ? Do you love yourself?


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

I love the ow, I love my wife because she is the mother of my kids, but I don't love her like I should. As far as myself.. I do not.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

jeeperyj said:


> I love the ow, I love my wife because she is the mother of my kids, but I don't love her like I should. As far as myself.. I do not.


You gotta love yourself before you can love someone else, maybe your in lust with the OW,(fantasy world,escaping the real world for abit, while your together) you havent lived with her day in, day out, she's not the one taking care of YOUR children, has OW taken care of you when your sick, sad, been there thru the rough tmes? If you left your wife for her do you really feel you could trust her, could she trust you? you've both been unfaithful.. what makes the both of you think that once your realantionship goes farther and you start having rough times that you or she wont start looking over the fence again....

You can never ever run away from your true self...always there.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

jeeperyj said:


> I love the ow, I love my wife because she is the mother of my kids, but I don't love her like I should. As far as myself.. I do not.


I truly believe you can love more than one person........you will always love one more just like your kids, but love more than one person you can.

I can't say if you do love both of these woman going off 7 years!! I would say definitely YES, becuase lust doesn't last months let alone years in a active sexual relationship. 

Ultimately you will have to make a choice one day.....either by your own choosing or forced....best of luck!!


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

strugglinghusband said:


> You gotta love yourself before you can love someone else, maybe your in lust with the OW,(fantasy world,escaping the real world for abit, while your together) you havent lived with her day in, day out, she's not the one taking care of YOUR children, has OW taken care of you when your sick, sad, been there thru the rough tmes? If you left your wife for her do you really feel you could trust her, could she trust you? you've both been unfaithful.. what makes the both of you think that once your realantionship goes farther and you start having rough times that you or she wont start looking over the fence again....
> 
> You can never ever run away from your true self...always there.


Very good points and I tend to agree with most of them.. I for some reason think that after 7years we know all the good and bad of the other person. The better thing for me to do would be leave my wife on my own and not because I am worried the ow will find someone. SHe has said that I am a part of her life no matter what I choose. 

That isn't healthy either


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Be honest with your wife, she deserves at least that......like you said she is the mother of your kids and you do love her, for that.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

jeeperyj said:


> Very good points and I tend to agree with most of them.. I for some reason think that after 7years we know all the good and bad of the other person. The better thing for me to do would be leave my wife on my own and not because I am worried the ow will find someone. SHe has said that I am a part of her life no matter what I choose.
> That isn't healthy either


You will also be part of your STBXW life to, you have kids, so you will have ties to her...always,(no matter what you choose).


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

7 years!!! Holy cow. I've been with my H for 16 and he had -1yr long EA and it has caused me to question nearly EVERYTHING I thought i knew about him. About us. If I found out it was 14 of those 16yrs there would be NO chance in hell. Stop being a selfish A$$ and think about your family. Tell your wife. Let her decide. I think you'll find yourself free to be with your "other girl" soon enough-assuming she hasnt already replaced you.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Be a man, grow a pair and tell your wife the truth. Then she will decide the state of your "marriage".


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

Thank you for the help. I received a lot of good info.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I can't believe people are still playing with this guy.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

jeeperyj said:


> I am going to tell my wife I want to leave.. I tried last night but she took off...


Where did she go? Is she coming back? Who's taking care of the kids?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

jeeperyj said:


> People keep saying it will fail if I leave for the OW, what is left in my current marriage.. I have a failure both ways.


Who said that? I don't think you will fail. You have been loyal to each other for 7 yrs. of course you have never loved together so that's on the negative column and add that the relationship has the extra excitement of secrecy that will be missing when you two get together. 

Those are negatives. OW will be more resentful the longer you wait so there is that. In the positive side - love- 
That is all you need according to the Beetles. They were naive so .... Well go for it. 

Two decietful self centered people - it is a match made in heaven.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Wow. Just Wow. And I thought my husband was an a$$.

My advice:

1. Tell your wife. She will set you free and go on to find happiness.

2. End the relationship with OW. She is with someone else already. So she's cheating on her affair partner. You are just kidding yourself if you think this is love.

3. Get into counseling. Do the world a favor and don't even consider dating until you fix yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Man up and own your ****..

Tell your wife.. She deserves the 100% truth from you, before the OW tells her about your affair.(and she will tell her about everything)

You do know that affairs only last maybe 2 years after the cat is out of the bag. If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you. (not all of the time, BUT most of the time. 

Grow up before you start another relationship.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

lamaga said:


> I can't believe people are still playing with this guy.


Me either....ridiculous.


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

update.. 
My wife and I are separating, My OW asked me 2 days ago what I was going to pick.. I told her I was picking her.. By the end of the weekend she said she doesn't think we would work out together, and she doesn't want us to be that old boring married couple. SHe said she wants us to always have these fun dates and will keep seeing me like that. She wants me to stay with my wife and keep doing what we have... I think that's crazy.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

jeeperyj said:


> update..
> My wife and I are separating, My OW asked me 2 days ago what I was going to pick.. I told her I was picking her.. By the end of the weekend she said she doesn't think we would work out together, and she doesn't want us to be that old boring married couple. SHe said she wants us to always have these fun dates and will keep seeing me like that. She wants me to stay with my wife and keep doing what we have... I think that's crazy.


 You were warned....


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

and let me guess, you will continue hiding it from your wife


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## jeeperyj (May 22, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> and let me guess, you will continue hiding it from your wife


Thus far we are separating.. I told her I wasn't faithful.


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## Thruhellandback (Jan 8, 2012)

Get real. You can't reconcile. There is nothing to reconcile. I hope your wife is not permanently damaged when she finds out. She's good enough to produce offspring but not good enough to love and respect? 
Where are you from, some country where men base their choice for a wife on whether she will produce acceptable offspring and be a competent mother?

I agree with lamaga. We're being played. This isDo you actually think people on a MARRIAGE forum, even someone like me (an excheater) will take you seriously? COME ON. You've had your cake an eaten it too. For 7 years you haven't had to take ANY responsibility for your actions and decisions. Now it's time to be a responsible adult.


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## Thruhellandback (Jan 8, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I think you are a wonderful person. If having everything in life is a measure of a person that is. You enjoyed the comforts of hearth and home. A woman who gave you kids, provided you with sex and allowed you to treat her like sh!t for almost 10 years. And she did not get rid of you!
> 
> At the same time you had a mistress to escape to and have passionate love. I cannot see why you are not eating, drinking and sleeping like Bacchus, celebrating your fortunate life.
> 
> ...


OMG you are talented. Clearly fluent in sarcasm. I'm not worthy! I hope I never p*ss you off. Awesome.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

jeeperyj said:


> Thus far we are separating.. I told her I wasn't faithful.


well at least you did something right

I feel bad for your wife and hope she pulls through this stronger and finds happiness


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

It sounds like your OW has more sense than the woman who was unfortunate enough to marry you.


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## nenaj1 (Jun 7, 2012)

If you are not happy with your wife then leave her. That doesn't mean you can't see your kids. You can still be part of their lives. You seem to love the other woman.

Go to her and be happy.

Let your wife find someone else that can make her happy too.

You can still be father to your kids.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Hey.. You know this could be my ExW talking. She thinks like this.
Unbelievable but true


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

I don't care if the mods ban me for this but you're just pathetic piece of slimey ****. Do your poor wife a favour and let her go. I'm certain she can find a real man. You go on and have fun with your *****


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