# Would you tell your wife this?



## all4her (Apr 19, 2012)

Hi guys, took a hiatus but am back! Idk if this is ok but I wanted some other opinions here. 

A friend of mine recently got married to a girl who admittedly had been gaining some weight. not a lot like 20-30 lbs, enough to make her go from skinny to a little chubby. He isnt a terribly fit dude himself but hes the kind that likes to think he is.

Anyway shortly after the marriage one of his drunk friends msged him that his wife had gotten fat, and...here is what I dont get...

He SHOWED the message to his wife :scratchhead: and didnt kick his friends ass or tell his friend off. He then bought her all this workout equipment and kept urging her to eat better. Ive seen her go into beast mode and lose weight at his cheering on. 

Would you husbands do this??? Would you wives feel happy that your husband took that reaction to one of his drunken friends messages? 

I mean, something about it, I cant put my finger on it, but something about it stinks and gives me a really bad taste in my mouth.

Edit*** and the dude that messaged him was his friend/her ex. One in the same.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

Guys can be as subtle as a train wreck. But that one is a full jet airline crashing into a train in the middle of town at the height of traffic.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Absolutely not.
It was a stupid idea to show his wife that message from her ex boyfriend .
So now that she gets into " beast mode ", what is her underlying reason/ motivation ?
Because her ex bf thinks she's fat.
If her husband had told her about her weight before, obviously he couldn't motivate her to actually do something about it. Furthermore ,he is not even in shape.
Bottom line ,
On a subconscious level ,she respects her ex bf's opinion of her body and his attention more than her husband's.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Actually carribean, if people were calling me fat and my husband requested that I did something about it, I would, haha.. Her husbands the one cheering her on after all. It's still.. Well.. Old flames burn brightest though. Could be a harmless thing or she could feel something.


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## Gunthar (Sep 2, 2012)

Nope....never would. My wife would have been livid as that would have been a self-esteem killer.

I would be a bit more subtle and say hey honey, why don't we start working out together......I am in need of toning up and losing a few.

Actually, my wife did start working out over the summer-lost 30lbs and is looking good.....although it was for the wrong reason (started a few EAs). So one needs to be cautious on the motives if something like this comes out of the blue.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

when a woman gains weight, she is the first person to know. Don't think she needs anyone to tell or remind her.


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## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

My husband would be the one to go into beast mode if anyone ever called me fat in front of him.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Your friend is a coward. His wife has gained weight and he doesn't like it. Since he is too afraid to bring it up himself, he uses the friend/ex BF's text so that he can give her the message while still holding onto plausible deniability, "*I* never said you were fat. That was Bill's message." If he has a problem with the way she looks he should talk to her about it like an adult. If he is happy with her appearance, there is no reason to say a word. Isn't this pretty obvious?


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

zookeeper said:


> Your friend is a coward. His wife has gained weight and he doesn't like it. Since he is too afraid to bring it up himself, he uses the friend/ex BF's text so that he can give her the message while still holding onto plausible deniability, "*I* never said you were fat. That was Bill's message." If he has a problem with the way she looks he should talk to her about it like an adult. If he is happy with her appearance, there is no reason to say a word. Isn't this pretty obvious?


:iagree:
I was about to write the same thing.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If my husband did this, I'd go kick his friend's arse myself...but...since it's her ex, that's weird. Dating in the same circle was never "my thing". 

Thankfully, I have always been a fuller figured woman. I am the same size as I was when we met...albeit not skinny. So, he couldn't have issue with my weight. I haven't gained any.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Not cool. He wouldn't be my friend any longer ( the ex who called her fat). I have read a lot of posts on here from woman who want to know why there husbands lie. Here is a perfect example. No reason for his wife to see that. Protecting your wife from BS like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I'm laughing as I read this because I know there are a LOT of men who stop feeling attracted to their wives when they've gained weight, but who get attacked completely for expressing this in any way. Here this guy found a method of raising it that seems to be working, and nobody seems to admire it!

I gained weight after I left the military. I gained about a pound a month for the next two years, but got married shortly after I left active duty. My ex husband told me he didn't feel attracted to me because I had "ballooned up" and I was hurt and angry for a long time over it. (I'm 5'7" and about 160-165 pounds). 

To be honest, I didn't realize just how MUCH my weight gain did affect the way I look until I saw myself in a video. I was shocked. What happened to the "old" me? I couldn't very well be mad, either.

I see this guy's text sharing as being like that video. It's a reality check that isn't a direct attack on her and lets him stay supportive no matter what reaction she has to it.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

Yea I would have. It shows that other people think she's fat. However, we're honest with each other like that. When we gain weight we call each other fat. It makes us watch our weights. Tough love is great sometimes.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

KathyBatesel said:


> To be honest, I didn't realize just how MUCH my weight gain did affect the way I look until I saw myself in a video. I was shocked. What happened to the "old" me? I couldn't very well be mad, either.


There is something about a video that is different. Pictures from the side or the back do that too. 

People will accept the slow change in the mirror and deny to themselves what they really look like. A picture from the front is just the same view in the mirror.

But use a video or a picture from another angle and it will cause a "holey crap, when did I start looking like that?" response.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

The guy showed her the text because he doesn't have the balls to tell his wife she's gained too much weight. Practice what you preach, as the OP said this guy wasn't in good shape himself.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

A lot of people are mall rhinos because no one has the courage to tell them that the human frame isn't built to carry 280lbs, unless you're 7 feet tall.

"Am I fat?"

Seriously? you're 5'5" and 215. That's normal for sea mammals.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

My wife gained some weight since we married and I didn't have to tell her a thing about it for obvious reasons...she knew it and took steps to do something about it, not at my urging at all. 

I'd *never* tell my wife anything like that and especially not in the way that your friend told his. My feeling is that she's more likely doing it because of the ex, not her husband, as others have noted already. His actions were cowardly and really disrespectful.

I wonder how long it will take before your friend is complaining about why his newly slimmed-down wife is making excuses to not have sex with him and why she's texting so much...


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