# Men -What have YOU done to get sexual needs met? Women, what have YOU done...



## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Men -What have YOU done to get sexual needs met? Women, what have YOU done to get your emotional needs met? In other words, what action(s) have you taken to do what is best for your marriage? I see soooo many posts about unmet needs but rarely any that say something along the lines of...."I am having a hard time with personal growth and change in my marriage. I find it difficult to think of what my marriage needs rather than what I need and I often find myself unwilling and unable to give 100% to my spouse and my marriage. And as a result my emotional needs and sexual needs are left unmet." or some variation of that 

Going to Therapy and actually doing the tough work (anyone can go to therapy, but to change and grow from the experience is when you have actually been thru therapy), educating yourself, books, learning how to communicate using "I" statements so that my partner isn't on the defense....And so on.

Loss of sexual desire just isn't the problem. If one partner has LD and the marriage was healthy and good, the LD person would sure as heck be on a quest to change that...regardless of how possible it is. 

I had to do a lot of work not to be a crazy yelling lady and my husband had a lot of work he had to do a lot of work not be passive and shut down in the face of conflict. And we still have to work at it ( among many other things of course). If we hadn't recognized my emotional hailstorms and his shutting down (all relationships have this dynamic to some degree or another) would be a source of trouble, we would be doing that "dance" all day long! And I doubt sex would be mutually fulfilling...if it even occurred.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Well, I am the woman, and I am also the HD person in the relationship. My H is awesome, but was very, very LD. I of course had a hand in that LOL. Thanks to the men's clubhouse, they guided me into learning how to speak his love language ( WOA) which at first I found very ridiculous and needy. Took me a while to realize that he considered my need for physical touch just as ridiculous and needy. Once that revelation came into the picture, I poured myself into trying to fix both my mindset, and learning how exactly to meet his needs the way he wanted them met. THAT has been a huge success and our marriage and Sex life is soo much better. No more having to get mad about no sex, because he actually knows if it is Thursday morning and the last time we went at it was Monday, he needs to step up and go for it. Both of us are in a lot better place now, and thankfully the guys here got through to me and helped me take control and fix something that was completely in my grasp.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What I see here most of the time is people trying to figure out what they can do to improve their marriage... this includes make the necessary chagnes in themself. To do this they also have to discuss what they see as their spouse's contribution to their issues.

And of course there are a lot here talking about infidelity in their marriage.

One of the major frustrations is often that their spouse will not work with them on repairing the marriage. If both are not on board, there is not a lot the poster can do except make changes in themself and hope that this inspires the other.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Men -What have YOU done to get sexual needs met? Women, what have YOU done to get your emotional needs met? In other words, what action(s) have you taken to do what is best for your marriage? I see soooo many posts about unmet needs but rarely any that say something along the lines of...."I am having a hard time with personal growth and change in my marriage. I find it difficult to think of what my marriage needs rather than what I need and I often find myself unwilling and unable to give 100% to my spouse and my marriage. And as a result my emotional needs and sexual needs are left unmet." or some variation of that
> 
> Going to Therapy and actually doing the tough work (anyone can go to therapy, but to change and grow from the experience is when you have actually been thru therapy), educating yourself, books, learning how to communicate using "I" statements so that my partner isn't on the defense....And so on.
> 
> ...


I'm not sure what posts you are reading, because most people who post in here are seeking things they can change in themselves, largely because their needs aren't met and communication isn't working.

They are seeking changes they can make in an effort to single-handedly try and fix the marriage. To me, if anything, many posters on here have a 'white knight' complex where they feel they can save the marriage by themselves (and some think they are the sole reason for the problems in the first place, when they aren't).


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

kingsfan said:


> I'm not sure what posts you are reading, because most people who post in here are seeking things they can change in themselves, largely because their needs aren't met and communication isn't working.
> 
> They are seeking changes they can make in an effort to single-handedly try and fix the marriage. To me, if anything, many posters on here have a 'white knight' complex where they feel they can save the marriage by themselves (and some think they are the sole reason for the problems in the first place, when they aren't).


Between that and those who have tried anything and everything they could, I think it makes up a majority of the posters. I have read some of the men's threads where they have literally gone sooo far, just to be let down. Some have accepted their position, and some are still trying.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I'm not sure what posts you are reading, because most people who post in here are seeking things they can change in themselves, largely because their needs aren't met and communication isn't working.
> 
> They are seeking changes they can make in an effort to single-handedly try and fix the marriage. To me, if anything, many posters on here have a 'white knight' complex where they feel they can save the marriage by themselves (and some think they are the sole reason for the problems in the first place, when they aren't).


Your right....I didnt say the vast majority of posts though. I said soooo many  but I get ya


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

DawnD said:


> Between that and those who have tried anything and everything they could, I think it makes up a majority of the posters. I have read some of the men's threads where they have literally gone sooo far, just to be let down. Some have accepted their position, and some are still trying.


Heartbreaking


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## tnhusband (Mar 28, 2012)

I think the biggest issue I see in lop-sided relationships is that it's usually (not always) the one who is missing something in their relationship that seeks out help.

Whether it's on a forum like TAM or counseling or just being the one in the r that is trying to communicate about the issue - the one who is not doing enough giving just doesn't think there is a problem so there's no motivation to change or seek help - they are happy and content.

Which is why ultimately it's important to focus on yourself. You can't change them directly.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Your right....I didnt say the vast majority of posts though. I said soooo many  but I get ya


Then I stand corrected.

That said, I think when you post a general question to the entire board like this, it does feel like it is directed at the majority of posters.

I think that you'll find with almost all threads, the one thing the 'veteran' posters around here do well is pointing out what the OP's flaws are and the best way to address them. If you are coming here seeking help, the only thing you can control is what you do about the situation, both internally (changing your behaviour, attitude, etc. ) and externally (communicating properly, trying to meet her/his needs better, etc.) Most people here have, or are, trying to adjust what it is they do so as to get their missing needs met by their partner.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

I am interested in what people actually do though....to bring forth change in the marriage. So that's why it's for the entire board. Anyone who does something to bring forth change can post.


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## tnhusband (Mar 28, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> I am interested in what people actually do though....to bring forth change in the marriage. So that's why it's for the entire board. Anyone who does something to bring forth change can post.


IMHO - the short reply is that you focus on yourself - if your partner doesn't change with you then maybe it's not meant to be. You cannot make someone change or be something they are not.

In my experience - whining, crying, complaining, begging, silent treatment etc etc do not help. Worry about you.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> I am interested in what people actually do though....to bring forth change in the marriage. So that's why it's for the entire board. Anyone who does something to bring forth change can post.


In my marriage, I did change, but in all the wrong ways. I tried to do most things around the house that I was allowed to do (I was told I don't know how to fold laundry so I wasn't allowed to do it). But I did the taking care of kids, working a full-time job, let the wife quit hers to stay home, cleaned, etc. I did what I thought was the right thing, but I didn't know better.

Now, in my relationship with my fiancee, I take a stand much more on most things. My weakness though is the issue of sex. While I know I will not get married if I'm not happy sexually, finding a way to talk about this issue for me is difficult. It's a touchy subject, when it really shouldn't be. But once it becomes a touchy subject, it can be hard to navigate around. I have become better at communicating though on this issue, largely because of TAM. I had to first discuss what my expectations are and see if they are out of line. I've found they aren't, that what I'm seeking isn't something outrageous and in fact seem rather mundane compared to others around here. That has given me the courage to start discussing the issue more with my fiancee and while the improvement isn't there yet, the communication is getting better and that's a good first step.

We have just under 2 years now to get this sorted out and I aim to do so well before that. I want sex to be the glue to our relationship, not the divider, I want her to understand that when I want to be with her that it's truly because I love her (outside of the odd time when I just want to have some wild, crazy, awesome, pound you through the mattress sex ) and that that's my way of expressing it to her.

She has some barriers, largely because I honestly think I'm the first guy she's ever been with that wants to be with her for her, not just to get off, and it's only been the last year or two that she's really realized this, so things are getting better.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I’ll quote myself from another thread, but this is what I did to get my sexual needs met.


Racer said:


> Hate to say it, but some things that helped my situation; Worked on me to up my ‘attractive’ level and stopped whining. Made a sex life as a dealbreaking boundary I have (thus removing the stability). I started treating the approach to sex more like I did when dating; Dropped the expectation of it and upped my intimacy. Rejected duty sex. And a bit of darkside jealousy knowing ‘others’ are interested if she is not (just let her know when I got hit on and broke out and allowed myself to flirt with the opposite sex). More ‘darkside’ was becoming ‘open’ about porn and masturbation, which she doesn’t like or tolerate much as it makes her feel undesirable... and I’d reinforce that when she wasn’t exactly doing attractive things (removed her idea that her no-no was made of unobtainium and automatically ‘wanted’ by me). And I carefully explained what I was doing and why.
> 
> She worked on herself and her attitude toward sex. So, the sex life has returned.


Once she started getting on board, there were other things to push it along. 

She suggested the 121 days of sex. Basically, we have to have sex (or sexual contact like bj’s and whatnots) once a day, no excuses. Didn’t follow the program which would have us doing some role playing things like picking her up in a bar, romantic nights and so forth (3 kids, homework and stuff sort of limits those things). By making it a requirement, you sort of start gaining new perceptions. My wife stopped having to figure out why she shouldn’t want sex because it was going to happen regardless... So, as she reflected, she learned that she really had been using it like it was a commodity that had value and she needed payment; A new place to focus and change for her. I learned once it became a chore, that it really wasn’t a ‘meter’ for the relationship. So, now I focus on noticing all the other signs of intimacy, desire and want instead of relying on sex to ‘prove’ to myself that she feels this way. (I learned to see and speak her love language and visa versa).... 

With those associations broken, we are able to make it fun.... So now we do ‘odd things’ like ‘inappropriate wakeups’, naked Wii fit (it is hysterical), and a lot of touching and teasing... basically a lot of things that don’t have to lead to sex, but are sexual in nature and get those hormones going... So when we do have sex, its good.... The marriage went from months without any sexual contact to sex whenever either of us feels like it. Yes, there is sometimes rejection, but its seen as a temporary state rather than ‘the way it is’ now. I know even after rejection, sex may come the next morning or day or later that week, so I’m not bothered by it or hold resentment.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

All I have done is let her know Im in the mood. The same goes for her. Its really that easy if both understand the needs and the dangers of not meeting that need. 

Its been 37 together and 35 married for us and we discussed this issue before we got hitched and agreed to never turn the other away. We have both kept that promise!


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

Traditionally, I have run into the arms of another man to get my emotional needs met. This was in my first marriage.

This time around, I am on websites like this and considering going back to counseling for my issues. I also try sex to dull the pain but it doesn't work for long. I am very much in love with my husband who has been known to lie to me over and over again. Once you start lying to me I cut off my emotions from you and seek the support elsewhere. I'm trying to seek the support elsewhere in a healthy form -- ie: counseling.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*My husband *did NOT go out of his way to get his physical needs met in our early marraige, he allowed ME to run the show.....he didn't want to rock the boat cause I at least enjoyed sex & initiated it . He figured it could be worse, he admits even he was somewhat repressed from his upbringing, and so was I... so we didn't talk about sex, our desires, masterbation, NOTHING... Biggest blunder of our marriage ... :banghead: :banghead:

Yrs of Secondary infertility didn't help either... where all I cared about was his sperm deposit - I was one-tract minded, his pleasure was not something paramount on my mind. He should have TALKED to me about HOW he was feeling...something -even fight with me !! .... but he "stuffed" instead. Never treated me badly, though I recall him being more "short" with the kids... He never "lowered the thermostat " on me though... always loving, attentive, affectionate. 

SEX was at least faithfully once a week, emotionally connected & fullfilling always...but he wanted so much more. He fell into the "Nice Guy" trap in too many ways... 

The most he did was read an article on the net telling men to help more around the house...vacuming /dishes .... he mentioned he wanted to hold me more at night -never mentioning sex at all -I didn't get it (again :banghead and doing my dishes was not exactly a "turn on" as I am NOT an "Acts of service" woman, that is at the bottom of my love language list. So he read the wrong article [email protected]#$% 

*Then there's ME*... when I became HIGH DRIVE...our roles reversed.... I was all over him..... I expressed how I was feeling every step of the way.. Flirting became my new language, sex talk - we opened every door & window in this house of Desire & Erotica ! 

and here ~ finally ..... we learned just how badly we missed each other in the past .  I found it my Life's passion to Turn the heat up in the bedroom...wanting to experience so much I felt we missed.....

What I did :

*1.* Reading books on how to please a man -my #1 favorite  Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man  I bought about 30 books the 1st year....talk about obsessive, then I joined Sex forums to talk some more ! Since I was getting so educated. 

*2.* I took better care of him, learning his Testosterone was lower for a man his age (by about 200 points) (had him tested when he couldn't keep up) ... I made sure he got adequate sleep, watched his diet, did anything to make his life easier so he had the energy to bang me - ha ha 

*3.* For a time , we exercised together, he lifted some weights. 

*4.* I went on a lingerie kick - anything to cause some new novelty & excitement - did some photo shoots. 

*5. *Planned Romantic vacations- Cabins in the woods, hot tubs, heart shaped swimming pools in our room, mirrors on the ceilings! 

*6*. Suggested new positions - doing it outside ...

*7*. We tried "erotic massage" - oils 

*8.* Bought a couple sex games -this one has 480 cards with it - 
 Discover Your Lover Adult Board Game 

*9*. We rented porn -watched that together. 

*10*. Just more Playfulness ~ a little teasing ~ sexual bantering ~ kinda like we were love struck teenagers - Honeymoon period all over again. 

All of this really spiced the intimacy through the roof & our sex life went from once a week to 4-6 times a week !


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Men -What have YOU done to get sexual needs met? Women, what have YOU done to get your emotional needs met? In other words, what action(s) have you taken to do what is best for your marriage?


I seem to be a rare breed on this board in that I don't need to "do" anything to "get" my sexual needs met. My wife meets my sexual needs and desires almost totally independent of anything I do, or do not, "do".

And I am the same. It makes no sense to either of us to cut off the other from sex just because things aren't perfect for a season, or one or the other of us isn't being the perfect spouse. We both enjoy sex, and our bodies respond beautifully to one another, so cutting off the other for ANY reason just hurts our own selves in the end.

The only things in our marriage that decrease the quantity typically revolve around personal crisis. If one of us is going through a personal crisis, or an extreme amount of stress, the sex dwindles some. But we understand the ebb and flow of that, so it's not typically a big deal. When you feel as though you exist in an environment where you will be loved, accepted, and provided sexual release _regardless of your actions_ (of course excluding abuse), it brings an incredible sense of freedom, and the ability to keep it cool and be totally understanding in the rare times that one of us does not want to have sex as much, for whatever reason. 

In the end we always know we'll find our way back to each other's hearts and bodies.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Then I stand corrected.
> 
> That said, I think when you post a general question to the entire board like this, it does feel like it is directed at the majority of posters.
> 
> I think that you'll find with almost all threads, the one thing the 'veteran' posters around here do well is pointing out what the OP's flaws are and the best way to address them. If you are coming here seeking help, the only thing you can control is what you do about the situation, both internally (changing your behaviour, attitude, etc. ) and externally (communicating properly, trying to meet her/his needs better, etc.) Most people here have, or are, trying to adjust what it is they do so as to get their missing needs met by their partner.


Yes... Ands that's what I want to know more about. The people on here who are trying to make changes and what they do.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

jaquen said:


> I seem to be a rare breed on this board in that I don't need to "do" anything to "get" my sexual needs met. My wife meets my sexual needs and desires almost totally independent of anything I do, or do not, "do".
> 
> And I am the same. It makes no sense to either of us to cut off the other from sex just because things aren't perfect for a season, or one or the other of us isn't being the perfect spouse. We both enjoy sex, and our bodies respond beautifully to one another, so cutting off the other for ANY reason just hurts our own selves in the end.
> 
> ...


Very cool. Ya....do, get eh not the best words. But okay...you are doing something in your marriage when you put forth your "work" in the marriage and for your partner, regardless of what that is....which is what u described in your response. So thanks


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> *My husband *did NOT go out of his way to get his physical needs met in our early marraige, he allowed ME to run the show.....he didn't want to rock the boat cause I at least enjoyed sex & initiated it . He figured it could be worse, he admits even he was somewhat repressed from his upbringing, and so was I... so we didn't talk about sex, our desires, masterbation, NOTHING... Biggest blunder of our marriage ... :banghead: :banghead:
> 
> Yrs of Secondary infertility didn't help either... where all I cared about was his sperm deposit - I was one-tract minded, his pleasure was not something paramount on my mind. He should have TALKED to me about HOW he was feeling...something -even fight with me !! .... but he "stuffed" instead. Never treated me badly, though I recall him being more "short" with the kids... He never "lowered the thermostat " on me though... always loving, attentive, affectionate.
> 
> ...


Wow....to your statement of looking back at your marriage. That's tough..I would think. You had a higher drive after kids?


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Wow....to your statement of looking back at your marriage. That's tough..I would think. You had a higher drive after kids?


Whoops, didn't mean to quote the whole thing!


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

missymrs80 said:


> Loss of sexual desire just isn't the problem. If one partner has LD and the marriage was healthy and good, the LD person would sure as heck be on a quest to change that...regardless of how possible it is.


I must disagree with this foundational premise. If you look around at this and other sites you will see lots of anecdotes about a partner who just loses interest. Sometimes the "new" wears off, sometimes sex was a non-essential "nice to have" that got pushed to the bottom of the list when the kids came, and sometimes there are sexual shame or abuse issues that originated far before the marriage.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

missymrs80 said:


> I am interested in what people actually do though....to bring forth change in the marriage. So that's why it's for the entire board. Anyone who does something to bring forth change can post.


I tried everything: spending more time with her, doing more chores, making more money / having a nicer home, giving her "space", not pestering, etc.

The only thing that had any impact on her thought process was detaching my happiness from sex and doing a 180. I made sure the bills were paid and the home was clean, but otherwise my daughter and I had a wonderful time and my ex had a significant increase in the number of nights spent home alone.

At the end of the day, the change was only temporary (she decided that making the necessary changes in her behavior was not worth the reward). I will stress, however, that nothing short of this strict boundary-setting (I will not cater to someone who refuses to meet my need) had any impact at all.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Very cool. Ya....do, get eh not the best words. But okay...you are doing something in your marriage when you put forth your "work" in the marriage and for your partner, regardless of what that is....which is what u described in your response. So thanks


I had written a long response to explain why I believe our marriage works, then I realized it was getting WAAAY off topic.

I think I'll go and start a new thread. Thanks for getting me thinking!


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Dto, but recognizing the need to set boundaries and doing just that is totally doing something. That's hard as heck to do. Best wishes


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

missymrs80 said:


> Wow....to your statement of looking back at your marriage. That's tough..I would think. You had a higher drive after kids?


Surely you have heard of the whole "Cougar" thing...and true as women get older, they find they are in their PRIME.... I think I would have made a nice case study for this. 

Yeah, after half a dozen kids. I never took hormonal birth control, so it wasn't that. It was marrying as Virgins (waited for intercourse)... getting pregnant before he even got it in (no kidding).... over 6 yrs of infertility after 1st son, then 5 more kids in 10 yrs... I was never TIRED (I am like an Energizer Bunny, probably always had High Test)... 

But I did seem to have my mind on other pursuits...not taking the time to smell the Passion roses while we planned & mapped our life out... .Many projects, being do it yourselfers on our houses -to save $$, saving for our dreams, getting pregnant -then "living" for the kids - while sacrifing ourselves in the process... but not really recognizing it (yet).

We just allowed ourselves to "get lost" somehow in the whole Married complacency thing.. it was peaceful , stable , faithful.. but lacking the ummppphh it could have been in the bedroom ... because I was the inhibited Good Girl ...and he was passive by nature (not a good mix)... My heighened sex drive (even if a little Crazy) was the best medicine to ever hit our marraige.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My wife doesn't have to hop through hoops of fire to get me to behave like a husband. I promised to do so way back at the wedding. It's my job. If a woman purports to be a wife, attending to her husband's sexual needs is her job. It's what she promised. He doesn't need to beg, spin straw into gold, cure cancer, lose weight, or go through any other contortions. She accepted the proposal. She said the vows. She got the ring. If she's a wife, she acts like a wife. If that's too much, hit the road.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

DTO said:


> I must disagree with this foundational premise. If you look around at this and other sites you will see lots of anecdotes about a partner who just loses interest. Sometimes the "new" wears off, sometimes sex was a non-essential "nice to have" that got pushed to the bottom of the list when the kids came, and sometimes there are sexual shame or abuse issues that originated far before the marriage.


Yes but these are things we all have to adjust to and cope with in a marriage, right? It's life....one thing is constant -- change.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Found the right woman.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> My wife doesn't have to hop through hoops of fire to get me to behave like a husband. I promised to do so way back at the wedding. It's my job. If a woman purports to be a wife, attending to her husband's sexual needs is her job. It's what she promised. He doesn't need to beg, spin straw into gold, cure cancer, lose weight, or go through any other contortions. She accepted the proposal. She said the vows. She got the ring. If she's a wife, she acts like a wife. If that's too much, hit the road.


Yes yes yes


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

tnhusband said:


> I think the biggest issue I see in lop-sided relationships is that it's usually (not always) the one who is missing something in their relationship that seeks out help.
> 
> Whether it's on a forum like TAM or counseling or just being the one in the r that is trying to communicate about the issue - the one who is not doing enough giving just doesn't think there is a problem so there's no motivation to change or seek help - they are happy and content.
> 
> *Which is why ultimately it's important to focus on yourself. You can't change them directly*.


this is very true. especially the last part. if you are the only one really trying - there's going to be very little effect.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Either someone gives a damn about their partner's well-being or they don't. Those who can passively watch their partner twist in frustration for weeks or months on end honestly have no business being in a marriage....with anyone. If I know my wife or kids are hungry, I feed them. If I know they are cold, I make it warmer for them. I can't even imagine turning my sex-starved wife away night after night for months on end. It would be just downright cruel and cruelty has no place in a marital or parental relationship. If your needs are more important than anyone else's, stay single and childless and attend to your own needs.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

costa200 said:


> *Found the right woman.*




Same here.

I took some time to realize that I didn't have to do anything to get my sexual needs satisfied.
She was always willing, and she loved me for me.

When I ask her what are her needs, she says,
Don't change the way you are to me,just continue loving me the way you love me.

Needs change over time,but love is constant.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Same here.
> 
> I took some time to realize that I didn't have to do anything to get my sexual needs satisfied.
> She was always willing, and she loved me for me.
> ...


But you are doing something....your loving her the way she's asking to be loved.


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

You can take a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

Am not going to bore you again...those of you have read my posts will know that my wife 'allows me' maybe once a month. 
I make every effort to speak her language of love...buy flowers, do my share round the home, give her massages etc. She just isnt interested in in even making an effort to speak or even understand my language.
My 'giving' bank is empty. I have nothing more to give.

My counselor has said that if she won't change, *I* can. I shouldnt let her drag me down to her 'level'...I should continue evolving...continue on lifes journey and make the most of it. I hope she will step up to meet me and we can continue the journey together....if she doesn't then I should just continue on my own and see what I come across on MY journey.


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