# My husbands intense coworker



## 2Ls (Feb 16, 2014)

I have never written on something like this before but I truly ned advice and don't want to be pestering my husband about it anymore. 
My husband works in the tourist industry and is surrounded by people from all over the world. It is amazing and so great to meet everyone and here their stories. We started spending time with his coworkers outside of work and it's been great. He had told me about a girl be thought I would really hit it off with that he has become friends with and I was so excited. 
Our first meeting didn't go so well as her grandmother had just fallen ill. My husband had told me about this and I fully understood she's from another country and I have been far away from family in such moments and it's so hard. I talked to her about it and explained my situation and how I totally understand what she is going through if she needs someone to talk to. She said no that's fine I have your husband to talk to but thanks. She then persisted to tell me she knew everything about him. (After working together for three months) I smiled and nodded and left it as that. After that situation we saw each other more frequently in social situations each one worse and worse. Telling me she spent an hour and a half on my husbands facebook looking at his photos. Getting drunk and asking him when they worked together next and when he said I don't know snapped at him looked at me and said "you see the **** I have to put up with for eight hours a day". A mutual friend asked her to come sit with us at a work function and said why don't you come talk with us she then sat beside me and loudly said I'm only sitting her to talk to my husband. Here's the thing I'm five and a half months pregnant and having a high risk pregnancy so I'm in a wheel chair most of the time. She asked my husband right after saying that she didn't want to talk to me if she could take me out in my wheel chair and that it's not like "charity work" for her. My husband is a musician and she came to one of his shows and talked loudly during his whole set then when it was over told me she wishes she could hear him sing all the time and wishes she could spend all day every day with him. This women is saying these thing knowingly to his wife! I smiled and said I understand that's why I asked him to marry me. I told him I think she might have feelings for you and she says really inappropriate things to me every time we see her. He told me she has called him handsome and stuff but that it's just a cultural thing. They are just coworkers. The other day my phone died and I ask to use his to call a cab. When I went to call her name was on the second on the list so I asked him about it. He said it was no big deal and that she asked for his number and he didn't want to make a big deal so he gave it to her. The last time we say her she randomly brought up that "if my husband were to take me to a canon near our place and push me off it in my wheel chair that it doesn't have anything to do with her" then she put her hands up in the air and smiled at me. I looked at him and he just ignored the comment and kept talking to other friends. When I confronted him about it he said yah she went there for the first time and was telling me all about it. I told him I thought the comment she made was super disrespectful and who in there right mind says something like that. He laughing and said yah she's crazy "it's just how she is". She also told me that night she found my Moms facebook page by "accident" he other night and was looking at my mothers information and photos. I don't know this women's last name... I don't know anything about her besides what my husband has told me and now she's creeping on my mothers facebook. I have asked him to confront her when she says rude and disrespectful things when we are out but he says I have to work with her and that I am over reacting. Am I over reacting???? Is it cause I'm pregnant cause I feel more emotional... I feel like someone saying things about being thrown off a canyon is really really inappropriate and so threatening though. I feel like I will have to say something though the next time it happens cause it's really hurting my feelings. And I've just been trying to be nice.


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## 2Ls (Feb 16, 2014)

I was also wondering if anyone thinks that this should be something I should be concerned about in anyway?


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

Yeah.... no, you're not overreacting at all. I understand that he works with her but she is being completely disrespectful to you and your marriage and she sounds really unstable. Your husband, in brushing you off, is disrespecting your feelings.

Why exactly does he need to hang out with her outside of work? Sure, they work together. That can be the end of it. How would he feel/react if the shoe was on the other foot? 

You're having a baby with this man. Time to lay down some boundaries. Poke around in the 'Coping with Infidelity' section because if he doesn't grow up and start respecting your marriage and your feelings, that's where this is headed.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

dignityhonorpride said:


> Yeah.... no, you're not overreacting at all. I understand that he works with her but she is being completely disrespectful to you and your marriage and she sounds really unstable. Your husband, in brushing you off, is disrespecting your feelings.
> 
> Why exactly does he need to hang out with her outside of work? Sure, they work together. That can be the end of it. How would he feel/react if the shoe was on the other foot?
> 
> You're having a baby with this man. Time to lay down some boundaries. *Poke around in the 'Coping with Infidelity' section because if he doesn't grow up and start respecting your marriage and your feelings, that's where this is headed.*


It may be there already. She's way too comfortable insulting you in front of him. Start investigating.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

By the way, none of your poll options are right. Your husband needs to go no contact with this woman, he's being very disrespectful to you by continuing to be around her.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Her comments to you are beyond inappropriate. And your husband should have your back, period. When you told him about her behavior, he should have told her, IMMEDIATELY, that it was inappropriate and would not be tolerated. And the phone number thing... it's an iffy thing. If it was because of work, I could understand... maybe. But when those comments started being made to you, her number should have been removed. If the number wasn't added until after, that's WAY wrong. I'm actually surprised that you put up with this as long as you have. Had it been me, I wouldn't have tolerated it... and if my husband minimized my feelings with "it's her culture", that would have given him a one way ticket to the couch...until he took me seriously. And her leaving won't excuse her behavior. Either he takes care of it, or you do. One of you has to tell her to knock it off (and she needs to stop the stalking... that's creepy).


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## 2Ls (Feb 16, 2014)

Thanks for your opinions... I really appreciate it so very much so. I have a lot of male friends that I am very close with. And have mentioned that if any of them disrespected him I front of me that would be it for our friendship and I would confront them right away about it. He has other female friends from work and they are amazing. They email to see how baby and I are doing and chat away about wonderful things when we see them. It's just this one girl. He said he would ever trust my safety with her in my chair and told her no that she can't take me out. Cause she's flighty and he wouldn't want me to be at risk. And I see that. I'm not worried at all about him cheating not even slightly. He's always rushing home from work to take care of me (cause or the high risk pregnancy) and spends his days off taking me out in my chair. He's the most amazing man. I know he's totally not confrontational and I understand that whole heartedly but this has gotten to the point where I find it embarrassing sometimes. Thank you for the help


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## 2Ls (Feb 16, 2014)

Yah the stalking thing is creepy for sure... And especially telling me about it. I told her where I'm from we call that Facebook creeping and you don't tell people about it if you do.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Have any of the awesome coworkers heard any of the things she said to you? If so, I'm surprised they haven't voiced concern about her behavior as well.


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## 2Ls (Feb 16, 2014)

I'm sure I sound like one or those denial wives who feels her love would never do that to her. But really I don't have any doubts about him cheating on me I just wish he would back me in these moments.


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## 2Ls (Feb 16, 2014)

Maricha75 
He said he talked to them about thing that have been said to him. And he had told them he feels might be hitting on him. And the two coworker friends shrugged it off and said nooo... And he said she walked into the room and they never talked about it again.


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## 2Ls (Feb 16, 2014)

Thank you for this...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Maybe she is... maybe she isn't. But really, her words and actions are making YOU uncomfortable... and that's just the things she has said to YOU! If nothing else, he should be telling her to back off because of your health with this pregnancy. I would assume, if you weren't high risk right now, you'd be going toe to toe with her? If that's the case, he needs to step up. I do think she does have a thing for him, but I can say he's feels the same. Regardless, he needs to stand up for you, without fighting you on this. He needs to stop making excuses. YOU are his priority, not her.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

It sounds like you may have to start sticking up for yourself a bit more; she's walking all over you. No offence to your DH but he sounds like too much of a wuss to shut her down. Probably scared of her possible reaction. Another thing would be stopping from seeing her after hours. You really don't need the aggravation. If she's going to be at the party or wherever you're going, ask your DH if you could both just stay home or do something else together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2Ls (Feb 16, 2014)

Had an amazing talk with my husband lastnight and we had loads Revelations. Pieces found out loads of things about him that he has never shared with me and it felt so good. We both learnt a lot about each other and everything came to a head. Had a good talk, good cry, shared feelings... And I feel so much better and at ease. I had said that I had come on this forum to discuss this because I didn't have anyone to talk to and was feeling really down. We discussed the reactions of the situation and how we both felt. He told me his feelings were very much hurt also cause he would never do wrong by me and was very offended and hurt that I would ever imply that. I said I knew he would never do that but that I am very uncomfortable with her disrespectful choice of words. And I from now on will stand up for my self. He married a very independent head strong feminist so to all of a sudden have to jump in to fight my battles is very out of character and would have caused more of a issue then not before. Thanks for your time and input on the situation it's very much appreciated.


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