# Choke under pressure



## guy225 (Jul 7, 2011)

Hi all,

I'm a lucky guy. I've been married to my beautiful wife for 6 years and she's as sexy today as when we got married. I'm also lucky because my wife likes to have sex. Most of the time we make love, I initiate it and there are no problems on my end. But, every once every month or so my wife tries to initiate it. Most guys would love that--but for some reason, I get nervous and worried that I won't be able to get an erection and--90% of the time--that's what happens. Essentially, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's terrible. Of course, this makes my wife feel unattractive, which is not true at all. She's gorgeous and when I initiate sex, I have no problem getting an erection. But, I always seem to choke under pressure. It's so frustrating to me. If she "expects" me to make love to her, I always fail. But, if she isn't expecting it, then I have no problem. I try and explain to her why it is happening, but of course she feels that there is something wrong with her. I can't take hurting her this way, but no matter what I do, I can't perform when she initiates sex. Anyone have any advice? I feel terrible about this and want to fix my mental block. 

Thanks!


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

yes, see a therapist. It doesn't sound physical at all; I bet you can cure that rather easily with a professional giving you a better roadmap on how to look at things.

If you're up to it, no pun intended, you can ask your wife to try to help you with your problem (make sure you continue to tell her its your problem). Don't you initiate sex for a week or two, but ask her to take it upon herself for the next couple of weeks to initiate sex. You spend your day thinking about it, not about your ability to perform, but about how sexy your wife is and how much you want to f*&k her, and how you are hoping that 'tonight' will be one of the nights she attacks you. That might help change your mindset. Since you won't be getting any by you initiating it might help train you to accept prompts from others. My 2 cents, but I'm not a therapist


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

It could just be that you perform when you initiate because WHEN you initiate you know your body is ready for sex. Is it possible that when she initiates sex you simply haven't been ready for it because your mind is elsewhere?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

guy225 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I'm a lucky guy. I've been married to my beautiful wife for 6 years and she's as sexy today as when we got married. I'm also lucky because my wife likes to have sex. Most of the time we make love, I initiate it and there are no problems on my end. But, every once every month or so my wife tries to initiate it. Most guys would love that--but for some reason, I get nervous and worried that I won't be able to get an erection and--90% of the time--that's what happens. Essentially, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's terrible. Of course, this makes my wife feel unattractive, which is not true at all. She's gorgeous and when I initiate sex, I have no problem getting an erection. But, I always seem to choke under pressure. It's so frustrating to me. If she "expects" me to make love to her, I always fail. But, if she isn't expecting it, then I have no problem. I try and explain to her why it is happening, but of course she feels that there is something wrong with her. I can't take hurting her this way, but no matter what I do, I can't perform when she initiates sex. Anyone have any advice? I feel terrible about this and want to fix my mental block.
> 
> Thanks!


Assuming this is when she is ovulating. It is all in your head of course. That does not help a whole lot. The fact is the more you think about it the worse it could get.

Does it help if you perform oral / G-Spot on her first and bring her to orgasm one or more times? If you are not doing that then maybe givebthat a try. At some point you should feel confident enough. If not the worst is that she just came a few times. 

This essentially is you taking her initiative and then becoming the aggressor.

Have you tried this?

You are likely to get turned on by pleasuring her this way.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I agree with Entropy.

What is stopping you from satisfying her in other ways - such as manually, orally, or with a toy - if things fail to launch on your end? I can understand her not feeling attractive if you reject, because for many women initiating is something hard to do. So I would recommend not rejecting her but trying to satisfy her in other ways. As your wife, I would hope that she would be understanding that there may be some mechanical problems going on and be willing to work with you.

Also, have you ever considered taking a little Viagra to help tide you over during these situations? I have seen from other male posters that they did this, and perhaps they will comment.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I'd see a therapist. This sounds like a mental thing that is easily fixable.


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## fhg1893 (Jun 25, 2011)

guy225 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I'm a lucky guy. I've been married to my beautiful wife for 6 years and she's as sexy today as when we got married. I'm also lucky because my wife likes to have sex. Most of the time we make love, I initiate it and there are no problems on my end. But, every once every month or so my wife tries to initiate it. Most guys would love that--but for some reason, I get nervous and worried that I won't be able to get an erection and--90% of the time--that's what happens. Essentially, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's terrible. Of course, this makes my wife feel unattractive, which is not true at all. She's gorgeous and when I initiate sex, I have no problem getting an erection. But, I always seem to choke under pressure. It's so frustrating to me. If she "expects" me to make love to her, I always fail. But, if she isn't expecting it, then I have no problem. I try and explain to her why it is happening, but of course she feels that there is something wrong with her. I can't take hurting her this way, but no matter what I do, I can't perform when she initiates sex. Anyone have any advice? I feel terrible about this and want to fix my mental block.
> 
> Thanks!


This looks like a clear cut case of performance anxiety. A therapist could help, but maybe if you were able to relax, you could fix this on your own. 

I mean, you hit it right on the head. If you're actively worried about an errection, that's going to make it harder to get one! Errections "happen" so to speak by relaxing the blood vessels near the genitals which allows blood to flow into the penis, and produce an errection. So, tension, stress and anxiety are the enemy in this case. 

There's a number of possible solutions, and the good news is that this is probably a sate of mind, and as others have said, this can be changed.

Maybe, if she initiates, being aware of your problem, ask her to give you a massage first to take the pressure off, and help relax you.

Maybe if she initiates, try to change your focus. When she does take the lead, reciprocate by preforming oral on her, or paying attention to her body by touching and caressing her. Anything to take your mind off of what's happening with your plumbing, and thinking about the pleasure that you're both experiencing should help.

Good luck.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

fhg1893 said:


> This looks like a clear cut case of performance anxiety. A therapist could help, but maybe if you were able to relax, you could fix this on your own.
> 
> I mean, you hit it right on the head. If you're actively worried about an errection, that's going to make it harder to get one! Errections "happen" so to speak by relaxing the blood vessels near the genitals which allows blood to flow into the penis, and produce an errection. So, tension, stress and anxiety are the enemy in this case.
> 
> ...


absolutely right!

performance anxiety no doubt. Its all about the pressure you are putting on yourself. When this happens concentrate on pleasing her orally. Take your time listen to her vocal cues respond appropriately to them. You'll find that as she begins to enjoy what you are doing the pressure you feel will ease off abit. Even if not, finish her off and never ever reject her advances because of your fear. You go take care of that womans needs boy. Make us proud!


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