# Confused? Trying to let it go...



## christmaslady (Dec 21, 2009)

So I told my ex-fiance to leave 7 months ago. I told him he needed to leave because the way he was treating me was not the way I deserve to be treated. He (to this day) is not taking any accountability for the situation and/or how he made me feel. As time goes by, I am realizing more and more that the feelings I had for him (long time wasted), I created in my head. I mean, I know that he wanted the family, house, kids etc. but he was not mentally prepared to accept all of that when I was willing to give it. 

Anyway, so now, "his" "friend" talks to me and tells me things that I don't want/need to know, but he is a good person to vent to, because he knows both of us and knows kinda what I am going through. He tries to be my friend and that is fine, I have had to keep him from stepping over the line a couple of times, but he knows the boundaries have been set. 

My ex still talks to me briefly on occassions (as I don't really have anything to say if we are not talking about us...he vents about work, school and his kids-not by me). I know he has someone else and I know that he has basically moved on...what I do not know is why is he still talking to me. I am realizing he has never really been a friend to me and that I truly created our whole relationship in my head for many years. He blames EVERYTHING on me...so why would you still want to talk to me? You have moved on, you blame me for your unhappiness, I give you nothing anymore but an ear to listen. Is it just because he wants to keep me in his side pocket? Because he knows if he tells me/talks to me etc. that I will leave for good-not even worrying about a friendship with him? 

I do not contact him anymore; he starts the communication-yes I answer the phone...but WHY? Why does he call? Why do I answer? We both (at least I do) know that we bascially have irreconcilable differences; as long as we are not communicating. What is the purpose? I am hurting myself and he is hurting me by keeping me at this point. Because i was with him my whole adult dating life, I don't even know where to find someone knew and/or how to communicate with them etc. AUGH!!!!


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## Applepies (Nov 14, 2010)

Talking to him is drawing out your pain. It gives you hope when there isn't any. You were strong enough to break off the engagement, keep going, break off the communication.

Go order a new friend on Match.com or Eharmony. Find someone compatible. Take a chance. Dip your toe in the water. We live in the technology age, take advantage of it.

Stop keeping yourself stuck and from moving forward. When you have some friendly interests in others, you will not give the ex a second thought. Or at least, not often.


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## christmaslady (Dec 21, 2009)

Thanks Applepies. 

I am a bit hesitant about dating/finding friends on-line etc. but I may just need to give it a try. I definitely need to stop communicating with him...on day 5 (we can normally go 2 weeks) of starting over with no communication; hopefully I can make it stick this time.


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## sbbs (Sep 21, 2009)

Find other things to do, and other people to talk with. Go do fun things you always wanted to do. Make sure you spend your free time doing things you find interesting, exciting, and/or fulfilling. 

Whenever you get the urge to call the ex-fiance, call someone else, someone you love and trust. That person can talk you out of calling your ex-fiance, or will talk about something else that's both more interesting and a better subject on which to focus your energies.

The sooner you make your own, independent life, the better off you'll be. 

And if you're nervous about meeting new people to date, then you can wait for a while. I think you'll find that, when the time is right for you to meet new people, you won't have much trouble figuring out how to talk to them or act with them!

Stay strong, and don't talk to him. Just be glad you didn't marry him. You dodged a bullet! Whenever you want contact with him, remember that.


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