# What to do when he says he doesnt love me anymore



## joanne.kent (Dec 18, 2010)

The other day i accidently washed an important paper he had in his pocket. he started argueing with me and then he turned the arguement into how he does not love me or want to be with me anymore. i know we were having problems but not that extent. he told me he hasnt loved since b4 he came home from iraq. that was 7 months ago. i do everything for this man and now he wants me to stay in the house with him until he deploys. i said i cant do that because i love this man with all of my heart and i think the only reason he wants me to stay is because he cannot afford the house by himself. i try to be nice to him but its hard because my heart is breaking with every min. everytime he looks at me everytime he walks away and goes to the spare bedroom. i need some advice because this man is my world i dont want to say bye to him.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Get in mc. I think the va has it available. You guys need to figure this out. Being deployed really messes people up. You story is very common and I'm sure there is a support group somewhere specifically for spouses of military.


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## joanne.kent (Dec 18, 2010)

he wont go to mc i tried i am supposed to be deploying a couple months after him we have a child together is there any other suggestions i try to not show him it is getting to me but its so hard i just want our family to be the way it was


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been dealing with it for 2 months, my H is in the military too.

What has helped me is the Military Family Life Consultants. They take NO records whatsoever, so it cannot affect the military member in thier career. That was a big issue for my H. He did go a few times, but quit.

I'm sorry you are hurting, I know all too well what it feels like. But even if he won't go, try to get into some kind of counseling yourself. It works wonders.


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

Also wanted to add that I'm not sure where in GA you are, but I know Ft. Gordon has MFLCs. Check in with the MWR advocacy programs, they will be able to steer you in the right direction.


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## joanne.kent (Dec 18, 2010)

i did go to my bn mflac and i do go to counseling myself how ru dealing with it im just curious mayb what ur doing will help me cus im out of ideas


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

Well, I'm about 2 months into it, and he pulled the same crap of not moving out due to money. We've been married nearly 12 year and have 4 kids.

My mlfc was AWESOME! She was a HUGE lifesaver for me. I had a lightbulb moment, and that's what's been helping me. I realized that no matter how much I hurt, or talk to him, or cry, or beg, or whatever, I cannot control how he feels. I can't "change his mind" by talking to him. So I am concentrating on myself. I leave him alone for the most part. He wants space, so he gets it. The hardest part for me is that he is being SUPER NICE now. He was always a first class Jerk before.....

Part of me thinks he's trying to let me down easy, or he feels guilty for not loving me anymore. Not sure. But I'm trying not to assume. Not harassing him about his feelings, not pushing him. It is what it is. There's nothing I can do about HIM, so I'm taking care of ME. I still cry, and I fall off the wagon every now and then and pester him a bit. But I usually realize I'm doing it and can stop myself. 

We are moving out (the kids and I) next week. That will help tremendously. In-house separation is VERY HARD and I DO NOT recommend it.


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## joanne.kent (Dec 18, 2010)

see thats what i told him that i could not live with some one who doesnt want to b with me and he told me that he would sue me for not paying the bills that r in his name even tho i was going to move out like just now i asked him to go to the store and get our daughter milk and he came back with enough milk to last less the a day because i didnt give him enough money thats his child too u know i cant live with him in the same house its so awkward and i dont feel comfortable but the only prob is since my daughter is under his deers and not mine that i cant even move on post cus she is his dependant and not mine and i cant afford to live off post cause i only get single rate bah so he kinda of puts me in a tight spot and to me i think if he really didnt love me or want to b with me y does he stay he would care and just move out


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

Is there any way you can get your daughter changed in deers? Surely they can look at the situation and kinda see what's going on. Housing is privatized at most bases now, and they might be willing to work with you. But if both of you are deploying soon, who is keeping your daughter? Are you two in the same unit? I take it you are not married? 

My advice still stays pretty much the same though....you don't have a say on how he feels or what he does. But you do have control over how you react to him. But make sure you look into how you can get out on your own if you have to.


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## joanne.kent (Dec 18, 2010)

yes we are married we have been married for 3 years. but deers wont tranfer our child til he consents and he pretty much is giving every excuse in the book on y he cant find time to do it. but he did say something to me last night that kinda made me think. his exact words "i know i shouldnt say this but if you want to come on the couch and cuddle with me you can to make you feel more comfortable there is no feelings behind it and i dont want you do get crazy ideas or anything" the smart side of me said know because i did not want to get hurt any more but the curious side of me did it and held so tight that it was like he hasnt seen me in a year and then he started to get excited if you know what i mean. and then when i could tell he was about to make a move he caught himself and said he was going to take a shower and go to bed how would you take that?


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

I would take that as a man who is horny.

My H and I have had sex several times since this started, and it hasn't changed his outlook on things. It has confused me a little....not for the actual sex part, but the fact that he pays more "loving" attention to me now during. He's much more attentive to me and shows more loving gestures than he ever has during sex. WHich is confusing as hell, because he still claims to only give us about a 20% chance at reconciliation.

So in other words, don't read too much into his actions. Men view sex as sex. While us women try to get emotions out of it. 

Anyway, since you guys are married, you absolutely would (should) be able to get housing on post. Have you looked into it? I could be wrong, as I am not too familiar with duel military.


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## joanne.kent (Dec 18, 2010)

i gotcha but its funny cus he was like this b4 we had all our prob he was never a jerk b4 but im starting to think if he wants me he does at least hes still attracted to me...and we both would have to sign for a house because he is my daughters sponser he is the one that has to apply its crappy


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