# Trust Issues or Gut Feelings



## sd212

Been a long time since I've been here.

Trust issues. Is it just me or do those of you who were cheated on have trouble trusting the opposite sex now?

I can't tell the difference between gut feelings and inability to trust. 

The first girl I dated was totally cheating on me. Right after the ex did. Damn did that hurt. I'm completely fine now and can handle whatever but I've been with someone for a long time and its hard to trust that she's not hiding things from me. No reason for the details, just generally wondering if others still go with gut feelings (that I learned were right) or if you hedge them b/c of the chip we all have on our shoulders now.

You all are amazing, so glad to be posting in this section.


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## LostViking

It is normal not to trust for a long time, but trust you must if you want to give your present partner the benefit of the doubt. Who knows? She might surprise you. 

Does she know what your XWW and last girlfriend did?


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## soccermom2three

My BIL was cheated on by his two previous girlfriends before he met and married my SIL. When she married him she was aware of that fact. Two years ago when she started to text a lot, go on GNO's, drinking with coworkers after work and hiking with "friends", his gut told something was wrong. When he told her of his concerns and ask her to stop, she used his past against him. She told him that he had trust and control issues and he needed to see therapist, which he ended up doing because he thought he was going crazy. 

Guess what? His gut was right. After denying and denying for months, cruelly gas lighting him, last July she finally admitted to being in love with a married coworker but that nothing physical has happened, (yeah right).


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## RandomDude

sd212 said:


> I can't tell the difference between gut feelings and inability to trust.


Both your gut feeling and paranoia plays its part and within reason.

I'm no shrink, but I've relied on my intuition all my life, and what I found is that your gut feeling represents the patterns/events/oddities that your subconscious mind picks up, but in which your conscious mind has not yet deciphered. 

Paranoia itself can be unhealthy if indulged to the point it overcomes your perception of reality however it can be healthy as to prevent you from making the same mistakes as before. The trick is determining when it is healthy or when it crosses the line.


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## sd212

So I hoped I would get these kind of responses and I'm really glad I did. I especially like how all of you have said that our gut feelings are our bodies way of protecting us from things. 

And if I had listened to my gut feelings in the past I too would have avoided alot of pain.

As for the questions people have asked, the girl I'm seeing does know everything about my history and is very understanding. She doesn't make me think I'm crazy or anything. She usually apologies that she's made me feel the way I do if something happens. 
But, I don't really want anyone to worry about addressing my current situation, just wondered what folks thought about gut -v- paranoia.


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## 3Xnocharm

soccermom2three said:


> My BIL was cheated on by his two previous girlfriends before he met and married my SIL. When she married him she was aware of that fact. Two years ago when she started to text a lot, go on GNO's, drinking with coworkers after work and hiking with "friends", his gut told something was wrong. When he told her of his concerns and ask her to stop, she used his past against him. She told him that he had trust and control issues and he needed to see therapist, which he ended up doing because he thought he was going crazy.
> 
> Guess what? His gut was right. After denying and denying for months, cruelly gas lighting him, last July she finally admitted to being in love with a married coworker but that nothing physical has happened, (yeah right).


My ex did this exact thing, using my past against me. I had told him all about the bf right before him cheating on me, and he was understanding and promised honesty and transparency. CHYA RIGHT!


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## badcompany

I'll never ignore my gut feelings again.


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## vi_bride04

I think after being burned a few times, you start to pick up on the key phrases, body language and responses that a liar will give if they are hiding something. 

Your gut is REALLY good at retaining this information, even if your conscious mind doesn't see it right away. 

Always listen to your gut. Its definitely something I will not ignore or take for granted ever again!

It has been right on the few occasions I have thought something was "off" with people in my life after leaving my ex. Every. Single. Time.


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## philglossop

Gut everytime.

I sort of worked out about XH and OM before, knew deep down it was happening but good brain told me no. So listened to wrong thing. Of course we all the result of that now don't we! XH may still claim they got it together after we split, but guess what- my gut still says they had the EA before the PA. Doesn't matter anymore tbh.

Oddly same thing with my first partner. Gut knew it was happening brain said no.

I know now. Always go with gut, because it'll work out to be correct.

Shame I lost a load of gut in the Divorce Diet really!


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## LostOneForGood

Gut has been my saving grace, but the ending with my ex was what she said.. Something told me things were off, but paying attention to key words was the ultimate ending for me...

Now my gut is totally dead on... I really study couples now and listen to them talk about what they are doing.. Unfortunately, about 85% are unhappy, screwing around, or contemplating screwing around. In the past year since my divorce, I have been hit on by at least 12 different married woman and several in a committed relationship..(not tooting my own horn btw) this is for educational purposes only...

But to me, do they really think someone will think they are a good companion when they are trying to cheat with you on someone else? I can pretty much have someone pegged in about 60 seconds and know their motives.. Its not pretty out there by any means.. But stay true, listen to your gut and trust the signs, they will not fail you...


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## CLucas976

sd212 said:


> Been a long time since I've been here.
> 
> Trust issues. Is it just me or do those of you who were cheated on have trouble trusting the opposite sex now?
> 
> I can't tell the difference between gut feelings and inability to trust.
> 
> The first girl I dated was totally cheating on me. Right after the ex did. Damn did that hurt. I'm completely fine now and can handle whatever* but I've been with someone for a long time and its hard to trust that she's not hiding things from me*. No reason for the details, just generally wondering if others still go with gut feelings (that I learned were right) or if you hedge them b/c of the chip we all have on our shoulders now.
> 
> You all are amazing, so glad to be posting in this section.


For the longest time, I really wanted to find any and everything my current man was "hiding" from me. 

My suspicions were not verified by my gut. But, from my previous marriage and the entire world of things that were hidden from me, i could not help myself with wondering. 

There was an instance when my man was invited to a batchelor party. I hate them. I have so many problems with them its unbelievable, and a huge portion of that has to do with my ex's batchelor party and what went down there. It will turn me inside out.

What my mom told me, was that it's not that i specifically don't trust my boyfriend, but rather the experiences I've been through make it difficult for me to trust anyone. My entire world and identity fell apart with my marriage, so for the longest time I was always on edge, just waiting for it. So despite the fact that my gut was telling me to relax. I refused. 

I only say all of that because your post left me questioning if its really your gut instinct, or if it's more similar to the problem i faced.


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## 3Xnocharm

CLucas976 said:


> For the longest time, I really wanted to find any and everything my current man was "hiding" from me.
> 
> My suspicions were not verified by my gut. But, from my previous marriage and the entire world of things that were hidden from me, i could not help myself with wondering.
> 
> There was an instance when my man was invited to a batchelor party. I hate them. I have so many problems with them its unbelievable, and a huge portion of that has to do with my ex's batchelor party and what went down there. It will turn me inside out.
> 
> What my mom told me, was that it's not that i specifically don't trust my boyfriend, but rather the experiences I've been through make it difficult for me to trust anyone. My entire world and identity fell apart with my marriage, so for the longest time I was always on edge, just waiting for it. So despite the fact that my gut was telling me to relax. I refused.
> 
> I only say all of that because your post left me questioning if its really your gut instinct, or if it's more similar to the problem i faced.


This is what I have been afraid that might happen when I do get into a relationship.


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