# my wife hates me and my family and its killing our marraige



## bmatt

i always new my wife didnt like my family, but after our son was born and during her pregnancy it became much worse. now hes 16 months and the best thing in the world, my wife is 8 weeks pregnant and its all happening again. it doesnt matter what my family or i do, she just always tears everybody appart. she calls everyone names and just says really f'd up sh;t. i cant take it, she thinks her family is perfect and i know im not but its just out of control. she breaks things and throws stuff. im part of a family bussiness and she just rips it apart and thats how we pay the mortgage. i put alot into my work(carpentry company)im 7 generation and its just what we do, i dont know why shes so angry its just anything and everything. all she worries about is making her family happy and make sure they feel important, because (their the most important people in the world) and any one on my side including me are just *******s, and out to get her and or her family. my list can just go on for days, some of it is just imbarrassing that i even have to go threw it, but i cant be the only one out their. i try to just let things go and not take it personaly, but after a while i just cant take it, nor should i have to. were supposed to be in this together but shes just got her own aggenda. i dont go out drinking or cheating i dont do anything, i try to be a good husband, nothings ever good enough. if it wasnt for my son i really dont know what i'd do. she's really got me on the edge. we (i should say her) just has so many issues, babysitting, people not liking her, people planning things with out her, not including her, people dont leave us alone, peolple dont include us, it's all in her head, but now its really starting to affect mine.


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## bmatt

she is litteraly so miserable and all the time, i try to do the best i can. and what kills me the most is i think thing are going good(all aspects of our marriage) and then bam, i get hit with a list of stuff that shes mad at. and i mean really mad, throwing chairs and plates across the room. i used to joke and say i should make my life into a comedy show. but now i think its just really sad and im wondering if i made a really big mistake. i love her so much but i just cant keep taking the abuse


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## MsLonely

bmatt said:


> she is litteraly so miserable and all the time, i try to do the best i can. and what kills me the most is i think thing are going good(all aspects of our marriage) and then bam, i get hit with a list of stuff that shes mad at. and i mean really mad, throwing chairs and plates across the room. i used to joke and say i should make my life into a comedy show. but now i think its just really sad and im wondering if i made a really big mistake. i love her so much but i just cant keep taking the abuse


Because you allow her to do crazy things & you're submissive! That's why she thinks she can continue doing crazy things and call everybody name because nobody dare to tell her to stop.

It's not a comedy show, she's a pain in everybody's ass in your family. She has no respect for your family.

I would defend most women because I'm a woman but not this kind of woman. Sorry & it's your mistake to allow her going crazy.

When you tell her to stop. Be firm. If she continues her behaviors. 

You just need to throw all her clothse on the bed ask her to pack and leave your family.

That's how you draw the limit. 

Unless that house is under her name & she earns all the money for family. 

Then you're the one to leave.


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## MsLonely

bmatt said:


> i always new my wife didnt like my family, but after our son was born and during her pregnancy it became much worse. now hes 16 months and the best thing in the world, my wife is 8 weeks pregnant and its all happening again. it doesnt matter what my family or i do, she just always tears everybody appart. she calls everyone names and just says really f'd up sh;t. i cant take it, she thinks her family is perfect and i know im not but its just out of control. she breaks things and throws stuff. im part of a family bussiness and she just rips it apart and thats how we pay the mortgage. i put alot into my work(carpentry company)im 7 generation and its just what we do, i dont know why shes so angry its just anything and everything. all she worries about is making her family happy and make sure they feel important, because (their the most important people in the world) and any one on my side including me are just *******s, and out to get her and or her family. my list can just go on for days, some of it is just imbarrassing that i even have to go threw it, but i cant be the only one out their. i try to just let things go and not take it personaly, but after a while i just cant take it, nor should i have to. were supposed to be in this together but shes just got her own aggenda. i dont go out drinking or cheating i dont do anything, i try to be a good husband, nothings ever good enough. if it wasnt for my son i really dont know what i'd do. she's really got me on the edge. we (i should say her) just has so many issues, babysitting, people not liking her, people planning things with out her, not including her, people dont leave us alone, peolple dont include us, it's all in her head, but now its really starting to affect mine.


A good husband has his principles & boundaries.

You're a good but submissive husband. This woman has no respect for your family & you are ok with that?!

My family is not perfect but I won't allow anyone to call my family names. It's basic respect that a daughter in law should have.

Can you image when your parents are old & need your care. What she's gonna do? Think about it!


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## lime

It could also be that she's having mood swings as a result of hormonal changes that take place during pregnancy. Was she like this before getting pregnant?

Either way, I think it's important for her to see a counselor that can help her deal with some of these anger issues. It sounds like the situation could escalate if she is getting so violent... And abuse is much harder to handle if you're a man, as you can't exactly hit your wife in self defense even if she's being violent towards you. I don't really think you're being "submissive" so much as trying to avoid a violent scene which is understandable, but it's not helping the situation if she continues like this. I think seeing a counselor might also benefit you and help you find ways to deal with the situation.


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## rebelsoul

I sort have the same problem with my wife, but not as extreme. My wife has so much resentment towards my mother. she's constanly complaining and talking bad about her behind her back. whenever we have arguments she always pulls my mom's name in the mix and insults me by saying all my flaws orginate from her. it's gotten to point where not 1 day or conversation goes by without her mentioning my mother in a negative light. her behavior is completely unacceptable and the sad thing is she just won't stop. she just laughs in my face when i try to reason with her. i wanna tell her to pack her things in leave, but we have a 19th month daughter and she's not leaving without her.


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## Chris Taylor

Same problem here, however with my wife, she had been slighted/insulted by my mother. My family hasd always been somewhat sarcastic and these things roll off our backs. My wife took it to heart.

After that, nothing on my side of the family was good and everything on her side was great. I had a great relationship with her parents before they passed away, better than their own son was to them.

In marriage counseling the MC told her that standing by me with my family was part of the deal. I told my wife that I did things with and for her parents not because I loved them but because I loved my her and I would have never tried to put myself in between her and her parents.

My wife seemed to get it. It isn't about my family, it's about me. Once she realized that, things got better.

That's the direction I suggest that you take.


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## chefmaster

You haven't actually said what happens after the violence(throwing of chairs etc) is she apologetic?

Do you have a close relationship with anyone in the perfect family(hers)? Do they know about any of this? I'm just thinking it would be much easier for someone from her side of the family to ease her into counseling.


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## Ayan

Get out while you can good man !!!!


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## DesperateDave

This all sounds so familiar. My wife, mother of my 2 small kids (2 and 3), absolutely hates my mother especially, but also most of my family and friends, whilst of course she and her family are all perfect.

We live a long way from our families, so they only come to visit for short times, during which she is so awful to them I am totally embarrassed and feel like a great deal of anger and hate towards her. I just brush it off and ignore the stupid comments, but as visits goes by each time it is getting worse and worse and more and more blatant. 

I know I should tell her it is unacceptable, but I have tried that, and the fact that it bothers me made her see that it was working and she started being even worse. She said we should get a divorce, but I don't want to miss my kids growing up, they are the light of my life. Every little thing that is wrong with the kids is my mothers fault, and every conversation or argument we have ends with a barrage of abuse towards my mother. She is by no means perfect either and gives a lot of ammunition to my wife, but my wife's behavior is just way over the top.

It stresses me out so much that I am writing this. It tears me apart, I hate the stress she causes, and I hate her when she is doing it and for a while afterwards, and whilst I am a very restrained person, one day I feel like I will lose it and shout like a crazy man, but she will enjoy that I'm sure. I can't see a way out of this myself. Any suggestions?


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