# A dude looking for some knowledge



## Quaresma1 (Jan 20, 2018)

Hey everyone. hope you're all doing well. first forgive this post as its just about me looking for some advice to pretty much start living. I'll try to keep this short.

I'm 25 years old. I live in Trinidad I'm just your normal guy. Upbringing was a bit tough grew up in a little poverty, grew up with an alcoholic drug addict father since I was a child. Thankfully no more as he's clean now. I pretty much feel most of my life has just been filled with sadness and depression. Its pretty much all ive felt for most of my teenage and adult life. fortunately that tough upbringing made me tough so it doesn't affect me badly. I have a great mom who struggled a lot and did her best to raise me. I wanna do right by he now, make her proud give her a better life and my father as well.


I had a bad break up a few years back, pretty much crippled me thankfully I'm in a better place now. have I fully moved on from that? I have not. I haven't done a lot with my life and that's why I'm here. I got some great advice the last time I was here pertaining to said break up. its the reason I got through that ordeal it did me well. 


So. Like I said man. I'm 25 and I feel as if I'm just participating in my life I'm not living. I hate crying over spoilt milk and the past, so whatever happened there I don't look back with regret I did it long enough and it got me no where. Bad relationship, poor effort and school not doing anything with my life for those past few years, I'm over that. I only care about tomorrow now and whats to come.


All aspects of my life need sorting out and I have no idea where to start or even how to start. just feel bombarded by everything. I've never even been on a date, never had sex, pretty much I haven't done anything which kinda sucks. I did ok in college and have a little job experience but that's pretty much it. I'm just lost when it comes to what I want to do with my life. I don't know what to study or anything. I have applied for the army and stuff like that but because of no fault but my own I was not fit enough and didn't pass the physical assessment. now I'm too old to apply for anything like that. signed up for other things policeman, fire fighter etc. and that's it really. 

Ive been frustrated and tired for such a long time man. I stopped exercising stopped playing sports. I literally have no enthusiasm or excitement for anything and its killing me inside. I'm not super depressed or anti social or anything. I try to force myself to go out more just to do something you know. kinda full this empty feeling. I'm a good looking guy I dress really well. just this feeling I have. its been eating at me for years and because of it I have wasted so much of my life, I don't want to waste anymore. I wanna live. enjoy my youth while I can.

right now I'm unemployed been hunting for a job. its pretty much labour work is all I do right now to take care of myself and my parents. I got skinny fat too over the years so that's something I would like to change as well. get in shape get fit again put on a little muscle. seems like theres so much I have to do and I just cant do it.

sorry for this dragging all over the place post. basically I need to get my life together. any advice would mean a lot to me. I don't have much people I can turn or talk to and the ones that are there I just don't feel comfortable discussing something like this with them. so again, thanks.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Let me give you the good news: you are 25, not 55. There are a lot of "successful" 55 year olds who would happily trade places with you to be 25 again. 

You have time to fix all of this - just don't want until it really is too late.

What do you *want*? Picture yourself at 55 - what would you like to be doing? A career is a good place to start - don't worry about what you can do now - figure out what you want, then figure out how to get there.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I bet you could get into the Army Reserve, or the Army National Guard. Their physical standards are not so strict.

They offer training that can convert to a civilian job. One such job is that of a truck driver. There are always driving jobs in the Guard and in civilian life.

Plenty of technical jobs also. 

Do not go into combat arms positions if you want equivalent civilian skills.

You might apply for a Military Police job. After serving in that MOS you could then easier become a civilian policeman. Same with fire fighting. You would need EMT training also.

This is assuming your physical limitations are not serious. Most people can get in shape enough to pass the Physical Training test [PT test}


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Quaresma1 said:


> I had a bad break up a few years back, pretty much crippled me thankfully I'm in a better place now. have I fully moved on from that? I have not.
> *How long was the relationship, how serious, and how long since breakup? High School sweetheart or fiancee?*
> 
> ....I've never even been on a date, never had sex, pretty much I haven't done anything which kinda sucks.
> ...


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

A man needs a mission. A passion. He needs to feel productive and useful.

So first, be sure you are working. Have a particular reason for the job. Maybe it is just for the paycheck, which is a completely good reason. You need to provide for yourself and your family, so it is certainly fulfilling a mission to have a paycheck. You might also look at the longer term as far as building skills. Is there a skill which would provide for good long term earning? A trade skill such as plumbing or carpentry. Or computer skills. You may find jobs where you can learn these skills, or some education which leads to a certificate or license which would be valuable.

Going to work just to have beer money is not likely to make you feel fulfilled. You won't be a good worker, and you won't move forward in your life that way. Even if your paycheck is just to support your family, if you know that mission in your mind then you will be a better worker and it will bring you good things in the future.

Beyond that, is there something in your community which would be useful and of interest to you? Can you tutor school children who are having difficulty learning to read? Is there a shelter for elderly or homeless people you can volunteer at periodically? This would be part of having a mission and feeling productive.

Or, your mission could be a side passion you have. You may go to work to earn money, but maybe you have a passion for bicycling, or rebuilding old furniture which you don't earn money doing during your free time. Whatever it may be, some kind of hobby which you are excited to go do.

Such a foundation will help you tremendously.

As others have said, being healthy will also be a big boost to you. Eat healthy. Avoid junk food, sugars, and substances like alcohol or drugs. Get good exercise. Sleep regularly.

The people you associate with are important. They greatly influence your attitudes and your actions. Evaluate who you are spending time with and whether they enhance your life or not.


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## MrBreeze (Dec 16, 2014)

I'll jump on the exercise bandwagon, but not so much for the fitness outcome (which will be a nice side effect), but to just do something physical. Headphones in, boppy crap music and just work your body hard. Don't be discouraged if you don't see results for a while, just enjoy the adrenaline rush (hopefully).
Hopefully it will help to get out of your head a bit, and think more clearly about the path you would like to take.


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## Quaresma1 (Jan 20, 2018)

Thanks for the replies guys. well truth be told im not to sure what i want to do. my previous jobs werent bad. in terms of recognizable i was a customer relations officer at a few medical facilities. i had no experience or qualifications for that job i signed up in a training agency for work, i was a clerk for a few weeks they saw i was a people person and i just started doing that. was fun, didnt pay much but i was good at it, helped alot of people and i learned alot. 

after that was pretty much more labor work i did construction, landscaping, hell i was a janitor for a while then a maintenance worker. i did whatever came by. i never really challenged myself and i do want to study and have a good job, my country is facing a little economical downfall right now and the industry is suffering a bit since we are oil and gas driven. i would like to study something pertaining to the industry maybe engineering, operations, maybe even just a few short courses to start. so thats something im trying to look into right now. 

later on i would like to open a little business or start something, some kind of business. distribution, bars, foods and drinks are mostly what does well so sometime in the future i would love to do something like that.


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## Quaresma1 (Jan 20, 2018)

Unfortunately my country does not take on recruits that often. policing however they recruit year round. i applied recently. did really well at everything passed it all but i failed the polygraph. i really dont know why i never was involved in any criminal activities never did drugs of any sort. i wasnt even nervous. guess at that time that wasnt for me, i have to wait a year to reapply thats during the summer time this year. 

I cant say i was like really unfit at the time i applied for the army. i did alot better than i thought i could, lol just had to be my luck i was with a group of guys who made average or acceptable look pretty poor. was still a good experience for me. whenever something comes up along reserves or anything i'll happily go.


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## Quaresma1 (Jan 20, 2018)

Truth be told man wasnt a great relationship. was just college we never got to go out or do anything. was a little over 2 years and realistically wasnt that very serious. i was just glad to have someone you know, so much crazy stuff was happening in my life was good to have someone to talk and just be there. i guess it was more of an unhealthy attachment than love. i did care for her alot and it sucked when she left, didnt even end too well but it happened, she wanted to leave, i was a little girl for a while cried begged all that stupid stuff. after 2 months i just stopped. she would message on and off after that but i just stopped responding she was just messing with my emotions.


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## Quaresma1 (Jan 20, 2018)

Exercise and getting back into sports is my ideal goal right now. I dont want to over do it id like to join a gym start eating well and gain some muscle. Im not sure if cardio is gonna be very bad for me but im 6'2 and 150 pounds so i think its better if i dont over do it. just basic exercises and a little running for now until im ready to join a gym. just gotta save some cash for a little more food supplements etc. but ideally thats what im looking at getting in shape putting on some muscle. been wanting that for a really long time.


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## Quaresma1 (Jan 20, 2018)

Where I live right no there is a community centre and they literally do nothing. its just a run down building, i did want to give some kids some classes tho. quite a few of them dropped out of school and i wanted to give them some classes. just the basic maths, English and science. hopefully they can write those exams and pass them, 3 subjects would do them really good they can start making some strides with that.

i really have no idea how i became like this man, when i was younger i was so different. my early teens i would come home from school i would finish my school work, then go to work didnt matter what it was clean plants, wash cars srub a yard sweep around a house, did construction i did it all, did really well at school. i just became awfully frustrated and depressed my situation never really changed and i just gave up, and everything i was battling won, would fight with my dad all the time, go to school whenever i wanted to, start something then just stop, nothing worked for me, got a girl, things went good for a while, girl left and it all went bad again and just worst. 

im glad to be here though and talking about it. feels good to just have it all out there and get a little feedback. really means alot to me guys i appreciate it.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

You definitely sound depressed - which is ok as it’s the curse of the modern world. That said, happiness comes from two distinct sources: physiology and psychology 

The former is easy in that it simply requires a healthy lifestyle:exercise, diet and sleep and going easy on drugs/alcohol. 

The latter is more difficult. You need a very honest friend to tell you what you are doing that is preventing women from responding positively to you. 





Quaresma1 said:


> Hey everyone. hope you're all doing well. first forgive this post as its just about me looking for some advice to pretty much start living. I'll try to keep this short.
> 
> I'm 25 years old. I live in Trinidad I'm just your normal guy. Upbringing was a bit tough grew up in a little poverty, grew up with an alcoholic drug addict father since I was a child. Thankfully no more as he's clean now. I pretty much feel most of my life has just been filled with sadness and depression. Its pretty much all ive felt for most of my teenage and adult life. fortunately that tough upbringing made me tough so it doesn't affect me badly. I have a great mom who struggled a lot and did her best to raise me. I wanna do right by he now, make her proud give her a better life and my father as well.
> 
> ...


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

Start small. Do you make your bed every morning? Once you do, follow that activity up with a trip to the gym. Next ..........


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## MrBreeze (Dec 16, 2014)

Quaresma1 said:


> Where I live right no there is a community centre and they literally do nothing. its just a run down building, i did want to give some kids some classes tho. quite a few of them dropped out of school and i wanted to give them some classes. just the basic maths, English and science. hopefully they can write those exams and pass them, 3 subjects would do them really good they can start making some strides with that.
> 
> i really have no idea how i became like this man, when i was younger i was so different. my early teens i would come home from school i would finish my school work, then go to work didnt matter what it was clean plants, wash cars srub a yard sweep around a house, did construction i did it all, did really well at school. i just became awfully frustrated and depressed my situation never really changed and i just gave up, and everything i was battling won, would fight with my dad all the time, go to school whenever i wanted to, start something then just stop, nothing worked for me, got a girl, things went good for a while, girl left and it all went bad again and just worst.
> 
> im glad to be here though and talking about it. feels good to just have it all out there and get a little feedback. really means alot to me guys i appreciate it.


My immediate reaction was that sounded like a great idea. But before you do that, I would like you to read "No More Mr Nice Guy" and make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. If you get through the first chapter and think "what is this crap" then don't bother with the rest.

I'll go out on a limb and say you haven't found your passion yet. You are just killing time, you found a girl, which felt like you were getting somewhere, but when that fell apart so did you. Try to be happy with yourself first, don't let outside things control your self identity, I know it's easier said than done, but take some time to just enjoy having the freedom to determine what you want, then worry about how to get it later.

I still recommend hitting diet and exercise as a starting point, you don't even need an end goal or gym membership or equipment, bodyweight training is effective at the start. Just make a start however small, and I agree with the make your bed in the morning idea, you've achieved one thing already that day, start adding more. You don't have suddenly fix everything and have your whole life mapped out and everything happening, just start each day with an idea of how you are going to be closer to your goals today than you were yesterday.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

You will most certainly have to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and get going. You gotta MAKE life happen, or it will break you. Being without a job is depressing. You need to be actively searching for a job for sure. Having a job will make you feel better about yourself even if it's not what you "want" to do. You can't think macro when it comes to life until you figure out what it is you want. Think micro at this point. Baby steps, man. Baby steps. While not searching for a job, you need to keep your body active. Exercise of some sort, and be around other people as much as possible. Network.


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