# So confused, not sure what im doing...



## deanbert74 (Dec 9, 2009)

For the last 4 months I have been dealing with my husband dropping on me he isn't in love with me anymore and has lost the romantic feelings he once felt.

Short summary, been together 13yrs, married almost 11. Been pretty rocky for the most part. Alot of it my fault. I have been in and out of therapy over the last 6 years and have taken baby steps to improve me and how I treat others. The last 4 months I have had to do a total 360 or he was going to walk out the door for good. He agreed to give it some time and see if I was full of it like usual or if I really meant it this time. 

Our friendship is growing, we havent been fighting, I am working so hard to make this work and keep my marriage from failing for good. We have been sleeping separate the last 4 months too. He will kiss me good night, we have been intimate here and there, but I have been the agressor.

We do so well during the day and evening, but then time comes to go to bed and I kiss him goodnight and go to my room and break down. I cry myself to sleep at least 5 nights a week. I try to appear strong in front of him, but I am falling apart inside. I hate beeing at home, it feels like prison. On the outside, and to others we are this married couple, but in these walls we are roomates. I am trying not to come on too strong or be pushy, Im trying to give him his space. He says his feelings havent chganged and hes not sure they ever will. So why is he here? Why do I keep doing this to myself? 

He hasn't discussed leaving, he has even talked about things he want to do this summer, in our home and what not. I am so confused about things at this point. I know I need to just point blank ask, but I am not ready for the answer and not sure I can handle it anyway. Am I just being stupid, trying to hold on to something that is over? Part of me thinks he's confused too, thats why he's still here. Help?


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

Its not right for him to send you mixed signals, if he truly feels that he doesnt love you the same way he did or at all he wouldnt still be in the same house as you. I personally think that he is trying to test you. You really need to talk to someone about yor feelings the more you block it out the more your hurting yourself and at the end of the day it is not worth it. I know you said you are not ready for the answer but isnt it best to find out for yourself instead of one day waking up to find out he is not there. About feeling like a prisoner in your home you should go out more even if its a walk in the park or going shopping talking to friends and family might help. You should to the bottom of this other wise you will suffer alot in the long run hope you can work things out. good luck.


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## deanbert74 (Dec 9, 2009)

Thanks so much for your input. Its such a unhealthy situation I know. I think he's confused or he wouldn't be here, but I can't deal with having half a husband for much longer. I am going to get back into counseling, I need it really bad right now. Im just scared if this goes on long enough, I am going to become resentful and my feelings will start he change toward him.


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## jamielynncrider123 (Mar 10, 2010)

deanbert74 said:


> For the last 4 months I have been dealing with my husband dropping on me he isn't in love with me anymore and has lost the romantic feelings he once felt.
> 
> Short summary, been together 13yrs, married almost 11. Been pretty rocky for the most part. Alot of it my fault. I have been in and out of therapy over the last 6 years and have taken baby steps to improve me and how I treat others. The last 4 months I have had to do a total 360 or he was going to walk out the door for good. He agreed to give it some time and see if I was full of it like usual or if I really meant it this time.
> 
> ...


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## jamielynncrider123 (Mar 10, 2010)

Let me say to you men are men " not Wemon" if you are expexting them to think like us ... IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!" If he has not said anything about leaving you ... its cause he knows better! Let me explain to you how they work .. FOOD . SLEEP. FUN. SEX. and not in that order !!! you know yours and his order . IT is rather depressing if you dwell on it but..... that is how simple they are ! i am having a time with it myself ... i don't have all the awnsers but MY husband tells me a lot and i dont try to decode it...it is basic like them.. sad but true .. you can fantisize about it being better .. but how much better do you think they are really gonna get?????


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## jamielynncrider123 (Mar 10, 2010)

Let me add to this if your bored than he proabably is too!!!!Remember who you both were when you used to play with each other !!!


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## deanbert74 (Dec 9, 2009)

Thanks for your advice. I would like to believe he is still here because he too wants their to be an 'us', but I'm trying to be realistic too.


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