# Not Sure what to call this thread -- just need to vent



## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/96257-time-seek-support-advice.html

I don't know if the above link works but it is where my story on here started.

I am doing the NC as best as I can with my stbxh. It is so hard when you have known and loved this person for so long and you don't know how to act anymore. I stay busy and try my best to seem happy and content. I noticed when I was letting him know my feelings of anger and hurt, that it would just add to his emotionless attitude for me. Now, I have only been able to do this for a week now, but it is a start. 

What makes me so angry is that he did this and he went to another woman and involved himself into an EA .. possible PA. I tried to work on things and I think that he tried to as well, as best as he knew how to. He did everything he could for like 4 months, while I was still finding out more lies, which would make me pull back. But I never once said that I wanted things to be over and that our marriage was over b/c of his lies and EA/PA. I gave him chance after chance and then he just gave up. I am still so angry about this. Not as angry as I was back when he moved into his apt, but angry all the same. 

It kind of seems like he is doing the 180 on me and that just makes me feel so stupid. Why in the world would he have the right to do that to me? I might be wrong. He has told me several times that b/c I couldn't forgive him for what he did, that things would never be right with us. But he has a 2 years relationship with another woman and wasn't upfront and honest about it with me and I had to find out all the lies while we were trying to rebuild the trust after he moved in with a friend. Now he blames me, telling me that if I had really wanted to work on it, then I would have asked him to do it with me versus having him stay at a friends house. This might be true, but everytime he was here, he would mope around or be angry. It was too much for my kids and too much for me b/c I work from home. So we started dating and going to counseling, which he gave up on and I still go. 

I am rambling but I am just so mad that he gave up on me after 4 months b/c I couldn't trust him quick enough. Now he tells everyone that we just grew apart and that he made a mistake but our problems started way before that. Of course, you jerk ... our problems started when you started having someone, a fantasy, that you would compare our marriage to. You wanted, from me, what you thought she could give you. He will tell me over and over that he didn't cheat on me and that what he did with her meant nothing to him. I really think that he doesn't think that what he did was wrong. He thinks she was just a friend that was there for him for the 2 years. But they only talked about sex and would text/talk about different things that they wanted to do to each other sexually. They met out once, that I know of and kissed while I was out of town. I talked to her and she described their talks like the "Fifty Shades of Gray" and that it was way more than a friendship. He has a way to make me feel like I am all in the wrong and I know this isn't true, but it still plays with your emotions.

I am just exhausted from all these crazy emotions and anger and hurt and blame. And I have leaned on everyone's posts to help me through it but I had to get this all out and I am all over the place and sorry for that but I just started typing and here it is ... thanks for listening and any advice or kick in the butt would be greatly appreciated, b/c I need it, lol!


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Vent away - we all need to do it and that's what this forum is for. Please don't let him shift the blame on you. Hes doing it to clear his conscious so he doesn't have to shoulder any of the responsibility. You know the truth. Take it from someone who knows - once he started talking to this ow about the personal things like you described - you were at a disadvantage. Keep doing nc for yourself. Its the best thing you can do for you right now.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

So he's mad at you because he lied and cheated. 
I know that is an over-simplification but in its essence that is what this is boiling down to. No wonder you're mad. My STBX lied about lots of things, and cheated with multiple EA/PA and is filled with entitlement. In his mind, I made him do it. I had no idea I had that kind of power!
It a mental game they play to avoid having to deal with the actions they have taken. His anger towards you is his way of rationalizing his misdeeds. Its as if he's thinking, "Well, I might have lied and betrayed by wife for two years, but she won't say its no biggie so I must divorce her." Really. Vent away honey!


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

Thanks everyone! I know he is dong all of this b/c he is angry with himself and feels like he failed. I know this in my head but he pulls at my heart when he says all of this stuff that isn't true! Just so frustrating and that is why I love this board b/c I can see through the lines now nad hold my head up high, even though it is rough sometimes to do so!


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Absolutely!! Don't ever let him bring you down - you know the truth don't let him mess with your head.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Of course it hurts. Every lie he tells, every time he tries to foist the blame on you, its another betrayal. Maybe one day he will see that. Stay strong.


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

I am trying so hard to stay strong. Had a great week with my kids and then today comes and my kids leave crying b/c they didn't want to go to Daddy's house. This is normal for them as they are making the adjustment but they hate going there. And then he gets mad at me for it or I get mad at him. HE told me tonight that he isn't manipulating me anymore b/c he no longer wants me. He also told me that I need to watch my spending b/c he won't support my new lifestyle anymore. I make good money and he is not supporting me but the child support is used on things for the kids and household stuff. I do without a lot now so that I can make sure that the kids still have what they need and we do not spend over our means like we used to when there was two incomes coming in. THe part that hurt me the most was that "he no longer wants me" I don't understand why that hurts when I don't want him anymore either. It is all just so hard and I don't know how to get through this in one piece anymore??


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