# Romance...



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Not just sex... but romance.... is that so much to ask for? Especially if you are going above and beyond to make sure that your spouse is happy sexually and the only thing you ask in return is a little romance, to feel desired, not just wanted sexually... but desired as a person, like some actual effort was put into it? I have brought this up to my husband a couple times in the last few months, and his thing is, we don't have money, he can't buy anything... well I told him he doesn't have to buy anything, that isn't the kind of romance that I want. We were doing love pong, today mine was make a request, that was my request, he hasn't responded, and up until that he was being very active.... what gives? What do you do for your partner to be romantic that doesn't require buying something (no flowers, no cards)... I'm not talking that kind of stuff... stuff he used to do, like light some candles, draw me a bath, give me a massage (even if it becomes sexual) play with my hair.... he doesn't really do any of this stuff anymore  Maybe I am initiating too much and he feels he doesn't need to???? But we have been working on reconnecting emotionally and I feel this is an important aspect.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> stuff he used to do, like light some candles, draw me a bath, give me a massage (even if it becomes sexual) play with my hair....


Did you be sure to list these specific things as examples of what you consider to be romantic? He may not quite have a clue as to what you mean unless you give some examples... I had a hard time on this with my hubby too but after listing examples of what i felt and thought and needed he finally got it. Took him awhile but he got it... and don't worry about the not responding yet.. he is probably mulling it over.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Romance is *never* too much to ask for.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I do all those things for my wife. Like most guys I thought it was about flowers and gifts and such. Who new?


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Did you be sure to list these specific things as examples of what you consider to be romantic? He may not quite have a clue as to what you mean unless you give some examples... I had a hard time on this with my hubby too but after listing examples of what i felt and thought and needed he finally got it. Took him awhile but he got it... and don't worry about the not responding yet.. he is probably mulling it over.


Yes I was specific (like two weeks ago!) Today I didn't give specifics again. I don't feel like I should have to, he either has the desire for me, or he just wants sex... I am waiting to see... but thing was just a response, he didn't even take the time to respond to it...


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I do all those things for my wife. Like most guys I thought it was about flowers and gifts and such. Who new?


Yeah.. what is it with that? My hubby associated romance with gift getting to for the longest time...


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Yes I was specific (like two weeks ago!) Today I didn't give specifics again. I don't feel like I should have to, he either has the desire for me, or he just wants sex... I am waiting to see... but thing was just a response, he didn't even take the time to respond to it...


Two weeks with no response.... hmm... I know how you feel but have you tried to communicate about the subject further via email? Explain to him how it's making you feel? Or explain your feelings about it on another assignment.. such as one that requires you to list or write about something bothering you. Like I said... he could be thinking it over... and who knows he may even be comming up with a way to suprise you romantically.... so don't assume the worst just yet!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Yeah.. what is it with that? My hubby associated romance with gift getting to for the longest time...


A lot of us think in the realm of tangibility. A gift given is a concrete, surefire way to show we love you. It's largely how we're trained, and the enormous commercialization in our capitalist society makes it seem perfectly OK and natural to associate the buying, and giving, of a gift to be the ultimate expression of romance.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Btw it's been about four days since my hubby and i have played lovepong... mainly due to the kids's tv going out so we end up having to let them watch movies on the computer to go to bed lol. It's been his turn but neither of us has had the time yet to do it.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

jaquen said:


> A lot of us think in the realm of tangibility. A gift given is a concrete, surefire way to show we love you. It's largely how we're trained, and the enormous commercialization in our capitalist society makes it seem perfectly OK and natural to associate the buying, and giving, of a gift to be the ultimate expression of romance.


Curse the media!!! To me.. a memory is more precious then any material item!!


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Give me a memory any day. Tangible can be stolen, taken away from you. A memory is yours forever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Curse the media!!! To me.. a memory is more precious then any material item!!


So agree. I've learned that it's cheaper, and more long lasting, to embrace true romance. Very few of the most romantic moments, the ones I feed off of years after the fact, involve a lot of, if any, money spent.


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