# Separated for 5 year !!! I need to move on !



## PapaGoat27 (Feb 9, 2020)

Hello , 

As the title states my Wife and I have been separated for 5 years .We are not getting back together its just not there anymore . 

We have a pretty civil relationship , we can talk without it escalating into a huge fight. 

The question is , I wanted to settle this between the two of us , before getting a lawyer , but I can not get her to even talk about making any plans , never mind actual taking any steps . I don't want to just spring divorce papers on her , but I cant take living in limbo like this anymore . 

We own a house together and all of our finances are still combined in a joint banking account and all bills our still paid from that account. 

She was the bread winner and Iam not looking to destroy her financial or anything like that , all I want is to sell the house and split the profit and that is it . 

I am worried that if I get a lawyer that it is going to turn everything to hell . 

She is leaving me with no choice , unless I am not seeing one ! 

I would love to hear any input you may have.
Thanks


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Could you clarify a few things?

You say that you two own a house together. Which one of you is living in the house right now?

She's the breadwinner? Does this mean that you don't have a job and don't bring in any income?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What you could do is to write out what you would like to see for a divorce settlement. Then give it to her to read and comment on.

You want to sell the house. Another alternative if she does not want to sell the house is for her to refinance and take out cash that is equal to your 50% of equity.


----------



## PapaGoat27 (Feb 9, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> What you could do is to write out what you would like to see for a divorce settlement. Then give it to her to read and comment on.
> 
> You want to sell the house. Another alternative if she does not want to sell the house is for her to refinance and take out cash that is equal to your 50% of equity.



This is a good idea , I'll give it a shot and see what happens !

to answer your other questions :

She is living in the house . I still take care of some of the necessary obligations . mowing the lawn and doing repairs that need to be done , etc. 

As far as "The breadwinner " , I just meant that she makes more then I do .


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you are not familiar with the divorce laws you your state, you can find a lot of info searching online. There are books sold in stores like amazon.com that cover divorce law in each state. Also, if you have specific questions that you cannot find an answer to, a lot of attorneys will give a half hour to one hour appointment free. The idea is that you can use it to interview attorneys to see which one you want to use.

Even if both of you do not have attorneys, you might want to hire one just to look over your agreement to make sure that you have no issues that could come back and bite you at a later date.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

PapaGoat27 said:


> This is a good idea , I'll give it a shot and see what happens !
> 
> to answer your other questions :
> 
> ...


*I think that's a pretty good idea as well!

Please remember that once you hire an attorney, they are only going to act as directed by you, as to act arbitrarily to that would be a serious breech of the attorney/client relationship, for which they could be placed in the unenviable position of being sued or even disbarred! *


----------

