# Would you buy a house together if not engaged or married?



## Tommy509 (Feb 11, 2011)

Would you ever consider taking out a mortgage loan with someone you are dating, not married to or even engaged, even if you feel strongly that you will get to that point down the road?

I ask because my GF would like me to do this with her because of some pressing timing issues. I told her I would do it if we were engaged or married, but I'm not comfortable outside of that. We get along great and things look good for a future together, but we're not quite ready to pull that trigger yet (both divorced and neither want to rush into that). I told her I'd like to wait a year, get engaged and buy a place next year, but for her own reasons, she desperately wants to do it this spring. We're both renting separately now.

Thoughts?


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I'd contact a lawyer and ask their advice.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Me? Not in a million years. I don't need a lawyer to tell me the nightmare that would arise from a breakup.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

No and what Cletus said too...... Which is also no.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Being engaged offers no additional protection compared to just dating, I'd wager. My SO and I discussed buying a house together, but in the end, we decided to just move into my rented condo instead. And possibly buy later. But I'd go nowhere without talking to a lawyer first.

C


----------



## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

No. Pay a lawyer to tell you how badly that will end if you two break up - especially if you break up on bad terms.

Or don't pay lawyer and tell your girlfriend that houses can be bought all of the time. I am not sure what her "time reasons" are, but I can't think of anything that would make me want to take out a mortgage with someone I wasn't married to.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

F!ck no.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> F!ck no.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Come on! Don't keep holding it all in! Let us know how you really feel!&#55357;&#56841;&#55357;&#56840;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Come on! Don't keep holding it all in! Let us know how you really feel!����
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But that's my charm


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> But that's my charm


Subtle wench!&#55357;&#56841;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Subtle wench!��
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha ha, if you knew my dad you would understand. He would routinely ask us what the f!ck was wrong with us.

I was 8 years old and he would look at me and say "who do you think you're bullsh!tting young lady"?

Based on that you'd think he was a jerk, but he was awesome. Just a Brooklyn jewish guy who grew up in the streets, so that's how he was. Needless to say we all have very thick skins in my family 

You'll have a whole new appreciation for my posts now


----------



## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

Tommy509 said:


> Would you ever consider taking out a mortgage loan with someone you are dating, not married to or even engaged, even if you feel strongly that you will get to that point down the road?
> 
> I ask because my GF would like me to do this with her because of some pressing timing issues. I told her I would do it if we were engaged or married, but I'm not comfortable outside of that. We get along great and things look good for a future together, but we're not quite ready to pull that trigger yet (both divorced and neither want to rush into that). I told her I'd like to wait a year, get engaged and buy a place next year, but for her own reasons, she desperately wants to do it this spring. We're both renting separately now.
> 
> Thoughts?


I think you're right. No way would I buy a house with someone unless I were married. I wouldn't even do it if we were just engaged.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Though it would be a pretty good way to test the strength of a relationship, I'm going to say NO.


----------



## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Though it would be a pretty good way to test the strength of a relationship, I'm going to say NO.


That's an expensive test.


----------



## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

No wait until you are married.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Pooh Bear said:


> That's an expensive test.


For reals.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Yes I would but only if the property was set to achieve a good capital gain. It is not a big deal to have a contract drawn up and write the mortgage as "tenants in common" or your equivalent. 

Not sure about where you live but in Aussie the same legal protection is there for defacto as married couples so the potential elevation in financial risk is not there.

All that being said the main proviso would be that we had a good, solid relationship of at least 3 years. If the property were being bought due to sound financial reasoning then yeah but if it was being pushed on to me because of someone elses time or other agenda then no.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Tommy509 said:


> I told her I'd like to wait a year, get engaged and buy a place next year, but for her own reasons, she desperately wants to do it this spring. We're both renting separately now.
> 
> Thoughts?


Sure, I have "thoughts." Why does she "desperately" want to do this by spring? What are her reasons? Are they rational? Are they legitimate?

Okay, she has her own reasons.

But there is the clue. They are HER reasons. Notice the lack of "us" "our" or "we" in her reasons to rush into buying a house.

Dear man, step back and look at this situation. The fact you are remotely entertaining doing something for someone else's reasons, and not yours ...

Look at why you would even consider this. Seriously.


----------



## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

Absolutely not.


----------



## Tommy509 (Feb 11, 2011)

Roger that. All pretty much what I expected. I have already told her I won't even consider it until we're at least engaged, but that's even a risk. I'm encouraging her to buy on her own. Lesser house that way, but I can then move in and we can see how it goes. If it doesn't, much easier to separate. If it does, we stay there until married and then look at bigger options together.

Thanks for all the tender and crystal clear responses.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Tommy509 said:


> Roger that. All pretty much what I expected. I have already told her I won't even consider it until we're at least engaged, but that's even a risk. *I'm encouraging her to buy on her own. Lesser house that way, but I can then move in and we can see how it goes. *If it doesn't, much easier to separate. If it does, we stay there until married and then look at bigger options together.
> 
> Thanks for all the tender and crystal clear responses.


OK that would be a huge issue for me. Here, if someone moves in then they are entitled to a % of the property after 12 months. What are your laws in this regard. Sorry but I would never let someone simply move in to my house without a Binding Financial Agreement.
Now it seems you want things your way and she takes the risk.


----------



## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

aww...hell no!


----------



## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

n-o


----------



## Tommy509 (Feb 11, 2011)

Holland said:


> OK that would be a huge issue for me. Here, if someone moves in then they are entitled to a % of the property after 12 months. What are your laws in this regard. Sorry but I would never let someone simply move in to my house without a Binding Financial Agreement.
> Now it seems you want things your way and she takes the risk.


She would own the house and I would pay half the monthly mortgage payment while I'm there and until circumstances change one way or another. If things didn't work out, I would move out and have no claim to the house, same as if I had been renting. There would be no risk for her. I'm sure we could draft up an agreement, but I don't think it would be necessary.

Our shares of the monthly payment would likely be less than each of us are currently paying in rent for our separate townhouses, so it would save us both money and she could build some equity. Obviously, we would split the rest of the bills evenly.


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I would but I wouldn't take title as Joint Tenants, I would take title as Tenants in Common so that my percentage of the home doesn't automatically go to the other person if I die. It would go to my estate.


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Don't purchase a house unless you are married. You're at the short end of the stick in your deal. If you want a house, buy it yourself. If you marry after you buy your house, make it a part of your pre-nuptial agreement, especially if you have been married before, have assets, or have an inheritance. Protect yourself from financial ruin.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

This is something my GF and I have talked about. What we agreed upon was that I will get the house in my name only and I will make sure that if we were to break up I would be able to handle the payments alone. That is the onky way I would do it. Both our names on the mortgage ........no way after all the problems I had getting my x wife's name off of my old house.


----------



## Unsure82 (Jan 13, 2015)

No. Experience from those close to me stand testimony to how the aftermath is financially horrific.

Sorry that it's not more insightful.. and I'd love to believe that this can work out.. but.. no.


----------



## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I kind of wonder what these "pressing timing reasons" are for getting a marriage, because they may not be all that well thought out. I can only speak to the US market, but in my experience, people who think "I have to buy now" are usually wrong. 

For example, people here often think "interest rates are low, I have to take advantage!" But the reality is that if interest rates go up, it will dampen prices and your monthly payment may not actually be higher. People also tell themselves "I am throwing away money renting!" But unless you are planning to stay in a place for a long time, usually at a minimum five years, it's actually buying that's throwing away money (closing costs, high amount of interest in early amortized mortgage payments, etc.). And then people say "prices are going to go up and I'll never be able to afford to buy again!" -- well last time around that helped create the financial crisis, after which prices dropped like rocks.

Sometimes people also think they should buy right away because a job change will make it harder to get a mortgage, e.g. moving from a steady income to running your own business or becoming a freelancer. That could be true, but in that case, you'd better make sure you're going to have the income to cover the mortgage payments, or else don't tie yourself down.


----------



## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

My initial advise would be to not do it. But, if you were going to by the house anyway, it might make it easier to do it before marriage. It would then be considered premarital property. In the event of a split, the assets/debts would be split evenly or depending on what the two of you agree on, in writing at the purchase. If purchased after a marriage, it is now marital property and that split might not be so even and not very controllable. Just a thought.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Its not crazy as long as you have a clear contract that includes allowing either party to sell the house. That way you won't be stuck in a situation where you both own the house, but don't want to live together in it.


----------



## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

A good friend of mine did it. 

He is now married for 3 years with a kid on the way with the then girlfriend (wasn't engaged at the time) so it all worked out, but even he knows it was crazy. But it can work out OK. 

Another friend of mine is considering it, in her case, she would buy the house and it would be solely hers, he would contribute. In her case, he doesn't really add much money or buying power to the house so it doesn't really matter he's not on the mortgage, but she's taking the risk of basically a 'tenant' she doesn't like...

I would consider it upon engagement, but even that's a stretch for me. I personally would just wait.


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

No way, man. Don't do it. She's pushing entirely too much! If you decide to go ahead and do it, get a lawyer for a formal, legally binding agreement in case this goes south.

ETA: both of you having more money by moving in together is absolutely no reason to do this. IMHO, that shouldn't even be on your radar right now.


----------

