# Married...but the love of my life appeared again...



## Amess00 (Sep 29, 2011)

I'm really struggling with this and I can't talk to anyone about it...so here goes. 

I have been married to a wonderful guy for about 4 years now. We recently had a little boy who's now 4 months. He was a pleasant surprise to say the least. My husband has his flaws like anyone else. I communicate my worries/feelings/thoughts with him but he doesn't do the same with me. Things are much different than we first met but that's to be expected. I have accepted that. He never goes out of his way to be sweet with me even though I beg him and have asked for almost 3 years now. Everything i do is for him but it just seems he doesn't give me what I really need. Almost like he doesn't know how to love me. Anyway, our relationship is so so. I do my thing and he's very busy with work and his racing. He does travel quite a bit so I'm alone with the baby now. It's a hobby of his that he would like to make a career but whatever. 

When i was 17, I met the love of my life. I was in high school. We vowed to always be together but our timing has never lined up. Over the years I would always run back to him. Always. I have never lived with him or had sex with him. He always respected my space but I'm sure if given the chance he would/we would have. It just never quite got to that...until now. We have been through so much crap together over the past 10 years. The ups and downs and heart aches, ect. We have hurt each other several times but we always forgive each other and find our way back to one another. 

When i got pregnant I made a promise I wouldn't contact him and that I was okay to never be with him. I still thought of him everyday but I was married and needed to devote my life to my husband and baby. Trying to wrap this up...we found our way back to each other again when he reached out to me. 

He wants a life with me now and he's prepared to do whatever it takes. I love him so much. We have the most amazing connection that I only wish I had with my husband. Probably because it's been built over 10 years of everything we have been through but nonetheless its there. We have a history. We have so much between us...not like what I have with my husband. My husband and I never even had a real wedding...we eloped so I missed that part of my life. 

I want to have all that with the other man. I want to be with him but I need to do what is best for my little boy. He comes first before anything else. I just don't know what to pick. 

To stay with my husband and be ok with it. To have our ups and downs and never really feel loved or treated how I want to be treated. To feel lost and think of the love of my life daily and not be able to be with him. Or to be with the love of my life, who I have wanted to be with for years now. Would it hurt my child more to be in a bla relationship with no love? Would it be unfair to my husband if I don't really love him but can live with him? 

I have no idea what to do....


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## Happy_in_love (Feb 4, 2012)

First of all you need to view your problem froman objective point of view. The other man you are in love with may not be the man of your dreams - remember you have never had sex,you have never hadto live with him - you are still in love with him without the reality sinking in.Remeber that romantic love has two stages - the part where you are "in love", and the part that you transition into - a deeper love, but one that needs work to keep alive. You are still "in love" with this other man, but once you leave your husband for this man and marry him,the transition will also be made. You will not feel like you are walking on clouds forever - you are going to realise that this man has his flaws too, you are going to have arguments, you are going to have to get use to having each other around,living in the same house, you are going to have to work at that relationship too, you are going to have difficult times together, you are going to have to get to know each other - how to communicate on a whole different level, get to know you to show your love for one another. In your relationship with your husband reality has already set in - if you think back to the days before you were married you would probably remember him as the best man, sweetest man who knew just what you needed.All I'm trying to say is, maybe this other man is not the love of your life, maybe he is lloking wonderful, because reality has not yet set into that relationship - the relationship is going to change once it does! Maybe your feelings has nothing to do with this man - but everything to do with what you are missing from your husband - maybe it's jst because you wish things were better between you guys. Just saying - the grass is not always greener on the other side!


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## luckycardinal (Feb 7, 2012)

You're idealizing this guy in your mind. Most of us have someone from our past who we think of as the "one that got away." But, we were very young then and didn't have the responsibilities of making a home, taking care of kids and paying bills. It's easy to be happy and in love when you have no real worries in life but it's hard doing it day to day. Maybe you and your husband could seek marital counseling to work on your problems. He may be willing to learn how to really show love for you and meet your needs. You two have a child together and divorce is very hard on kids, even little ones. I know you feel that euphoric sense of love for the other guy right now but I'm afraid once you two were together a few years you might feel the same (or worse) than you do with your husband. You've never lived with or slept with this guy - what if he is actually a horrible person or an abuser? Lots of abusive men can be extremely charming, meeting all your needs, wants and desires - UNTIL you move in with/marry them. Trust me - I have been there. I think you'd be making a grave mistake to give up your marriage without at least trying to fix things.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You say you have no idea what to do but it sounds like your mind is made up and you are seeking validation. that's why youre entire post is about how great your ex is and how you are disatissfied in your marriage, though you first like was how "wonderful" your husband is. 

My advice is to stop having having an affair and either work on your marriage or get a divorce.

Also, tell your husband about your affair. He has a right to know.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

You've been emotionally cheating on your husband since day 1.

how's that for "never feeling loved" and devotion?

In fact, why don't you just show what you posted here to your husband and find out which one of you is hurt more.

Some people...


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## grenville (Sep 21, 2011)

Is your husband really that bad or does he just seem so compared to 'the one'? I'm not pre-judging that, just pointing out that it's hard to be objective in this kind of situation.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Zombie thread. She never came back to get the bad news. 

For once I checked a date before I replied - hooray!!


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

sigma1299 said:


> Zombie thread. She never came back to get the bad news.
> 
> For once I checked a date before I replied - hooray!!


You beat me to it.....lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> You beat me to it.....lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think that's the first time ever I'm not the one going "DAMMIT!"


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## AmandaC (Jan 22, 2012)

sigma1299 said:


> I think that's the first time ever I'm not the one going "DAMMIT!"


lol


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

sigma1299 said:


> Zombie thread. She never came back to get the bad news.
> 
> For once I checked a date before I replied - hooray!!


Dammit! I missed it! LOL


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Isnt it frustrating how folks come on here and start a thread and ask a question but never comes back to post anything after we respond.

I guess this woman was only looking for validation so she could go live her self centered affair. It looks like she didnt get the responses she wanted so she jetted.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Musta went to a discreet site where they condone affairs.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

F-102 said:


> Musta went to a discreet site where they condone affairs.


I'm pretty sure she did. I feel sorry for her husband.


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