# How do I make my wife understand I still love her?



## Trying_in_2011 (Oct 20, 2011)

Hello everyone, 

I am relatively new here and have been somewhat reluctant to post as I am a WH, (I think I got that right, I'm still learning the terms). I have made many mistakes in the past, going back to the beginning of our relationship. We have been together over 20 years, and have 4 kids, ranging from low to mid teens.

My mistakes....

I had a one night stand just over four years ago, but my wife only found out about it a year ago in 2010. An exgf told my wife of my past indiscretion, while admitting to her that she had also been having a PA with me. I did talk to my exgf but did not sleep with her. My mistake was I never told my wife about our contact. One day my exgf sent me a postcard saying she missed and loved me and she couldn't wait to see me again. My wife found it, and I was able to smooth things over. I guess you guys would consider it an EA. The exgf scenario was the same year I cheated, just earlier in the same year, I cheated in Aug on a vacation w/o my wife and two youngest.

I have spent a lot of time on the internet, especially FB talking to women my wife did not approve of. She has seen several conversations which consisted of sexual comments, to me by others. I would like to stress that I did not encourage this behavior nor reciprocate the innuendos. I have on a couple of occasions come home at 4am, only because I was visiting a female co-worker at a bar and drove her home afterwards. Nothing happened and I stayed so late because we were talking. 

Earlier this year my wife had surgery which was fairly debilitating to her. Two days after surgery I went to play baseball with my team. This upset my wife. Although I was only 15 min away and called every hour or so, and was only gone for 5 hours. She had complications after surgery and was admitted to hospital overnight with pneumonia. I realized how frail she looked after I went to visit her the next day. I promised her I loved her and cared for her and that I would be there for her. They released her to my care because the ER was full. When I got her home and set up I got a call from my ball team, they were short players and would forfeit if I didn't show. I reluctantly went and played for 5 more hours, but kept checking in by phone. It was this last incident that caused my wife to file for divorce.

We have been talking, and I have been getting counseling to help with my issues. She agreed to try one more time and gave me a detailed contract to sign, which I did. However, I refused to move out of the basement suite and into our marital bed. We were intimate one night, and my wife insisted she did not just want a sex buddy. Afterwards I was tired and told my wife I would let her sleep and went back to the basement. She approached me a few days later telling me how cheap and used she felt. She told me that she would no longer have relations with me until I moved back into the marital bed. I was frustrated after a few days and got curious about the women on POF (only because a friend was telling me about it). Needless to say my wife found out and went ballistic. I cannot believe I hurt her again. She tells me she doesn't care why I was on, just that I was on, curiosity or not.

My Question is how can I get myself out of this mess? I really do love her and never meant to hurt her like this. Any advice would help.


----------



## RadicallyAccepting (Oct 19, 2011)

Well, first thing you need to do is decide where your priorities lie. A wife who needs you because she has had "debilitating" surgery and post-surgery complications? Or a baseball team?

Wake up. You don't care about your wife. And the BS about not encouraging the behavior on FB? That's ridiculous. I've been on social networks for years and haven't had a single communication that could ever cause me embarassment. They said those things to you because you made it obvious that you were receptive.

You are in deep denial about your behavior and your feelings. You want to save your marriage? Get into therapy - not MC, but IC. You need to get your head on straight. Then, if you decide that you want to be married, you can ask for her forgiveness.

A baseball game? Give me a break. She was sick and needed you.


----------



## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

RadicallyAccepting said:


> Well, first thing you need to do is decide where your priorities lie. A wife who needs you because she has had "debilitating" surgery and post-surgery complications? Or a baseball team?
> 
> Wake up. You don't care about your wife. And the BS about not encouraging the behavior on FB? That's ridiculous. I've been on social networks for years and haven't had a single communication that could ever cause me embarassment. They said those things to you because you made it obvious that you were receptive.
> 
> ...


:iagree:
Wow I was married to someone like you for 20 years. You will notice I said was. I hope you are able to understand that she must come first to you, from now on and always. That is what marriage is all about, or it's a waist of time. My x H just never got it, and he was gobsmacked when I finally walked out. Then he was willing to do what ever it took to get me back, but he had put me second too many times. When I left, I never looked back.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

wow, really

are you sure you love your wife because it certainly doesn't sound like it in the slightest. You sound incredibly selfish.

Do your wife a favor and give her the divorce so she can be free to find someone more deserving of her love


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Like most cheaters, you want your words to have the desired impact on your betrayed spouse. Unfortunately for you, your betrayal has destroyed your credibility.

You prove your love WITH ACTIONS and more so in your case. Sadly your actions have left a lot to be desired as far as proving your so called love for her.

If your lucky and your wife gives you another chance, then you take action by always being an open book to her (no secrets) and giving her what she needs from you (emotional and physical support). If she tells you she wants you back in the marital bed you do it without question and if your buddies want you to play a kid's game with them while your wife is enduring a debilitating physical ailment, you tell them NO.

Your ACTIONS are how you will convey your love to your wife. Etch that into your brain.


----------



## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

This has to be a troll. Seriously, you left you wife with surgical complications who probably should have been in the hospital if they had had a bed for her, to play a BASEBALL GAME? Guys, this person isn't for real. I refuse to believe it.


----------



## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

How old are you Trying? From your actions you sound very young, far too young to be married. You seem to cream attention from wherever you can get it like a teenager would as he starts out in the field of sexual experience.

Step 1. Understand that your actions are not mistakes. Accept that you put yourself before your wife and spent little to no time thinking how she would feel about it.
Step 2. Grow up and stop acting like your wife is a ball and chain around your neck. If you feel like that LET HER GO and let her discover a love she deserves.
Step 3. If you can accept your unreasonable behaviour and you're willing to grow up and treat her like a human, then cross your fingers and hope that she's wanting to continue a commitment to you.

Actions are louder than words.

BE a better husband.
BE a more supportive husband.
BE there for her.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Dude. Here's a fair warning, your in the wrong place. Your bulls*t wont fly. If you come in "naked" and lay it all out seeking to understand and change your own behavior, this place will be an incredicble resource for you. It may well save your life and your marriage. It has for many others who used it properly. 

If you have really convinced yourself of the total bulls*t you just regurgitated, your problems are deeper than anyone here will be able to help you with. Before you say another word, I suggest to take a good hard look at yourself and what you just said. It's total fu*king crap, we know it and you know it. 

Wanna start over?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Apologies
Empathy
Transparency
Honesty
Accountability
Tell the truth
No more lies
No more inappropriate contact with other women
No dating sites
No more hurting your wife
Moving back intot he marital bed
Marital counselling.

There is a LOT of damage here. Rome wasn't built in a day so if you have any chance of rebuilding what you destroyed, it is going to take a lot of sweat on your part. 

A question for you re: POF...Why did you do that? I ask for my own person curiosity becase my H did the same when we were reconciling/things were going well. I want to know why you got on dating sites after there was already so much of a mess to clean up?


----------



## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Seriously? You left your wife in the hospital after major surgery to play baseball? 

You know, I'm fairly jock-ish myself. But if that scenario came up where my girl was just recovering from major surgery, my baseball team could forfeit the damn game.


----------



## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

Gosh... you sound like my STBXH... if it wasn't for the baseball game and the surgery, I would have sworn that you were him just changing up a couple of the details so that I wouldn't know you were him.

That being said - he claims that he loves me, despite doing the things you have said over and over during our marriage.... and I don't believe him. We are in MC, but as I told the counselor last night - _how can he possibly love me and still do all the things? And if he does truly think he loves me.. and this is his way of showing it... *I don't want his kind of love*... _


----------



## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

The worst part is that the reason you went to play the baseball game is that the team was DOWN SOME PLAYERS. So there were other people ON YOUR TEAM who were missing the game already. I wonder what excuses they had? Apparently much better excuses than "tending to my seriously ill wife who was kicked out of an overflowing emergency room".

I don't think anyone here is buying this.

If you aren't lying to us, you're lying to yourself. You don't love her.


----------



## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

omega said:


> If you aren't lying to us, you're lying to yourself. You don't love her.


:iagree:


----------



## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

Agree this has to be a troll. The post reads like an instruction manual on "How to prove you have no respect or love for your wife." Someone would have to be seriously delusional to write out all those details and not see the $#!tsandwich he's serving his wife on a daily basis. If you are for real, then all I can say is get help. And if you are a troll, the same advice is applicable.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm all for 2x4s and constructive criticism and slap-them-upside-the-head with the TRUTH posts to the posters that come on here, but we need to sometimes simmer it down because if not, we are going to run the OPs off. 

Don't be afraid to come back, Trying. A lot of people on here have been the betrayed spouse before so you are in shark's territory so I commend you for coming on at all. You are going to hear a lot of TRUTH thrown at you but at the same time we want you to feel comfortable enough to share your story and answer questions we have that may help advise you.


----------



## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I'm all for 2x4s and constructive criticism and slap-them-upside-the-head with the TRUTH posts to the posters that come on here, but we need to sometimes simmer it down because if not, we are going to run the OPs off.
> 
> Don't be afraid to come back, Trying. A lot of people on here have been the betrayed spouse before so you are in shark's territory so I commend you for coming on at all. You are going to hear a lot of TRUTH thrown at you but at the same time we want you to feel comfortable enough to share your story and answer questions we have that may help advise you.



Agree with you JB, but sometimes even I get shocked that situations like this can exist. Perhaps he really is trying to reach out, but my gut and initial reaction to this post was it can't be real. So I get upset thinking someone is toying with us and gaining a laugh at our expense. If he's a legitimate poster, he should come back to get the help he seeks.


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Are you young? Reason I ask is people die from pnuemonia and I would think an older person would know that. Leaving her twice to go play baseball? Staying out until 4am at bars with women? Multiple cheating? Ignoring her wishes to remain in the bed after sex?

Think about everything you have done and ask yourself again...do you love her?


----------



## Trying_in_2011 (Oct 20, 2011)

First I just want to say I am not a troll, no matter how far fetched this all seems to you, this is my reality. I have not downplayed or elaborated on anything in order to have any "shock value". It's no joke, it's my life.

I am 46 and my wife is a few years younger. I have come here because I have nowhere else to go. After my wife found out about the Pof site she was not angry, she just told me she didn't care why I was on, that it did not matter, just that I was on. When I asked her how I could fix this, make things better she just cried and told me how she had had faith in me, that she wrote everything out that she needed from me, that I let her down. She said she didn't know what I could do or if there was anything I could do. I came to ask for help because my wife just looks at me broken when I ask.

I have since Dday tried to show her I cared. I would hold her when she cried and tell her I was sorry. That it was stupid. I stayed off FB up until a few months ago, reactivated but am never on. She uses my account to help herself with some games on there, so she sees anything there. She has all my pw's and account names. 

@Jellybeans, I was on because the night before I had been with a friend who was using the site. He is single. So I thought I would take a look. I was frustrated at the time because it felt like she did not respond to my attention. When I hugged her, she seemed to hold back. I will add I did not have an account I was just looking at pictures.


----------



## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Trying_in_2011 said:


> I was frustrated at the time because it felt like she did not respond to my attention. When I hugged her, she seemed to hold back. I will add I did not have an account I was just looking at pictures.


Blame shifting.
She holds back because she's hurt at what you did.
Do you really LOVE her, or are you really just uncomfortable at being without her. There is a difference, and you need to be honest.
What you are saying points towards the latter.


----------



## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

Numb-badger said:


> Blame shifting.
> She holds back because she's hurt at what you did.
> Do you really LOVE her, or are you really just uncomfortable at being without her. There is a difference, and you need to be honest.
> What you are saying points towards the latter.[/QUOTE
> ...


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

"I really do love her and never meant to hurt her like this." 

No, you never meant to get caught. This statement is what is called "denial". And is also known as a "trigger". A trigger is something that reminds your wife what a scumbag you are. When you example behaviors, that create feelings in your wife like this, it tells her where she ranks on your "give a crap" list.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Let her go.

Have you conditioned yourself your entire life to be so selfish that you can't even ask yourself the questons and be honest about the answers?

You can't believe you love her. You may love the idea of her, you may love that she loves you, and you may love the security of the life you have being loved by her... But, you do not love her. 

Stop being a selfish coward, man up. Ask yourself the questions. Why have you done these things? Why are you compelled to cheat and put her 3rd or 4th on your priority list? Why dont your respect her? AND DONT SAY your broken, or something is wrong with you, While thats probably true... thats not the real reason. The reason is you don't love her.

There is no way around this, this will end in terrible pain. If you haven't already, you will destroy this women. Your actions will leave such deep psychological scars that it will effect her ability to ever be happy again. 

She may have already reached her pain threshold, if she hasn't she will. That switch will flip, that disfucntional piece of her that still loves you will die. When it does, and only when it does, you will come running.... It will be to late, she may try & you may try... but, at that point the outcome will only extend your empty shadow of a marriage... Then it will be gone, long after it should had been buried. 

AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGG, Im wasting my breath....


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Trying...do you love your wife? Do you want to be married to her? Answer those questions honestly.



Trying_in_2011 said:


> After my wife found out about the Pof site she was not angry, she just told me she didn't care why I was on, that it did not matter, just that I was on. When I asked her how I could fix this, make things better she just cried and told me how she had had faith in me, that she wrote everything out that she needed from me, that I let her down. She said she didn't know what I could do or if there was anything I could do.


It may be that she's reached the end of her rope. Meaning, she gave you a chance again and you let her down/disappointed her. Which could explain her lack of anger. Just sort of her coming to the realization that ti's not worth being angry about anymore because nothing has changed.

If you truly love her and want your marriage, you have to show her through actions that you are committed to the marriage. That means not getting on dating sites. And it all depends on whether she wants to be married.

What is the status of your relationship right now with her? What's going on at home? 



Trying_in_2011 said:


> @Jellybeans, I was on because the night before I had been with a friend who was using the site. He is single. *So I thought I would take a look.* I was frustrated at the time because it felt like she did not respond to my attention. When I hugged her, she seemed to hold back. I will add I did not have an account I was just looking at pictures.


Take a look for what? Were you actively looking/seeking out women? Your response didn't really answer my question, please expand on it. Why, if you wanted to reconcile, did you start looking on dating sites? And how did she find out about it?


----------



## CH (May 18, 2010)

Trying_in_2011 said:


> My Question is how can I get myself out of this mess? I really do love her and never meant to hurt her like this. Any advice would help.


And you're lying already. You love her but in reality you don't really love her if you get what I mean.

As to not meaning to hurt her, you're just plain selfish, it's always been about you only and that is why you're playing to ignorance card.

When you can accept you're a douche bag and work on not being a douche bag then you'll know what love really is.

Trust me, I've been in your shoes. The selfish prick that was always innocent and never understood how I could ever get into bad situations. I didn't mean to, it just happened and I had no idea, LIES, LIES, LIES.


----------



## Trying_in_2011 (Oct 20, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Let her go.
> 
> Have you conditioned yourself your entire life to be so selfish that you can't even ask yourself the questons and be honest about the answers?
> 
> ...


No Pit you are not wasting your breath, I have come here to be asked the questions I have not thought of asking myself. I need to take a hard look at this, even if we don't stay together I want to learn how to make some of this up to her.

You are very true in that I have been very selfish. I was raised by my mother, she drove my father away when I was little and never saw him again after the age of six. We were living in the States as a family, she was having an EA with a man in Canada, she went to visit my older sister who stayed there when we moved to the US. She never came back, asked to bring us for a visit and never let us go home with him. He later died when I was in my late teens, I never saw him again after he dropped me off. My mother on the other hand taught me well. She would tell my brothers and I that she would be back in an hour and come back a week later. We sometimes had to boil water and add ketchup to make soup, and had butter and sugar sandwiches, all because there was no food in the house while she was gone. My older brother was @14 at the time, I was 10, younger brother @7. We lived in an area with harsh winters, at times we had holes in our boots and my older brother got frostbite. I started working at 10 to earn money for food by doing papers. I learned to "trade" my shoes with holes in at the local store when no one was looking. I learned to survive. In my heart I feel stuck in that survival mode. It was difficult to spend larger sums of money on my wife, while I had the diesel trucks, motorbikes, boats and muscle car. Her surgery was the first time we spent money on her like that. She had a tummy tuck.

I know those aren't the reasons, they are excuses. That's why I'm in counseling to try and change this thought process.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think until you realize how much damage you hae caused her and apologize and state WHY you are apologizing, then you are spinning wheels. Oh and obviously if you are still cheating and/or looking for other women, that won't help and means nothing has changed. 

Can you answer the dating site question I asked? I ask for personal reasons as I dealt with something similar.


----------



## Trying_in_2011 (Oct 20, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Trying...do you love your wife? Do you want to be married to her? Answer those questions honestly.
> 
> What is the status of your relationship right now with her? What's going on at home?
> 
> Take a look for what? Were you actively looking/seeking out women? Your response didn't really answer my question, please expand on it. Why, if you wanted to reconcile, did you start looking on dating sites? And how did she find out about it?


I do love my wife. But truthfully I really don't know if I can do all the heavy lifting required to make it better. I suffer from depression and am taking medication right now. I try to be open with her, but sometimes it feels like she is my mother, constantly checking up on me. I know that is the wrong attitude to have, I'm just being truthful.

I'm still in the basement, giving my wife space. I try to stay there as much as I can. Although I am still helping out around the house and with the kids. I am doing some renovations on the house to sell it. Part of her requirements was to sell the house and downsize to relieve some financial stress. See if that helped the marriage.

We are legally divorced, effective Aug 2011. I call her my wife because I just can't bring myself to say ex yet. The requirement contract came after the divorce was processed. When we both saw the certificate, we were both numb. We started to talk etc. make some heavy changes and save the family, not just us.

As for Pof. I am very impulsive, to the point my wife will be talking and I will point out a nail in the roof. It just happens, my wife says I need meds if I can't control myself. I sometimes just do stuff, not really think it through. It felt harmless because I wasn't actually opening an account or had any intentions to pick out anyone. I know it's not as simple as that, that it hurt my wife, I just did it because...I guess, just because I could.

I'm not sure how she found out...she told me I left it open, but I'm sure I closed it. I had deleted the browser history. I know I deserve whats coming about deleting the history. It just became habit. I sometimes look at things my children shouldn't see and they share the same computer, so I delete.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok well the fact that you guys are divorced is a HUGE piece of the story you failed to mention previously. Ok so you guys were trying to give it a go, even after that fact...



Trying_in_2011 said:


> I do love my wife. But truthfully I really don't know if I can do all the heavy lifting required to make it better. I suffer from depression and am taking medication right now. I try to be open with her, but sometimes it feels like she is my mother, constantly checking up on me. I know that is the wrong attitude to have, I'm just being truthful..


If you feel you "really don't know" if you can do all the heavy lifting then that to me means you aren't willing to or you won't. Beacuse if you truly wanted to reconcile, it wouldn't even be a question of whether you could or not. You just would do it. 

Reconciling after infidelity includes being transparent and honest so complaining about her constantly checking up on you isn't the answer. She has a right to check up on you after being betrayed so many times. And by the sonds of it, I'm not sure she's checked into this reconciliation either if she said that about there being nothing more you can do because it was too broken after you went on dating sites after saying you wanted to fix things. 



Trying_in_2011 said:


> As for Pof. I am very impulsive, to the point my wife will be talking and I will point out a nail in the roof. It just happens, my wife says I need meds if I can't control myself. I sometimes just do stuff, not really think it through. It felt harmless because I wasn't actually opening an account or had any intentions to pick out anyone. I know it's not as simple as that, that it hurt my wife, I just did it because...I guess, just because I could.


Thanks for expanding on the Pof thing. Just so you know, it didn't "just happen." It was a choice you made to go on there. Own that.

Re: reconciliation... what does she want? Cause if she is done, then that is that and it's over. 

Re: not wanting to call her your ex-wife... you need to learn to accept that you are divorced now. So say it out loud: MY EX WIFE. That may make the reality of what you did more pronounced for you. Pretending reality isn't what it is is NOT healthy. 

I think counselling is a good idea for you. Get meds for your depression if it persists. Own your poor decisions or you will never move forward w/ regards to personal growth.


----------



## StrangerThanFiction (Jul 19, 2011)

you obviously don't want her bad enough until you're willing to put her in 1st place, your kids 2nd, and the rest of your personal bull**** and excuses in like 8th or 9th place. get real. How many more chances do you expect from this woman? 

And you can't take the "im trying so hard" attitude for one day and then get pissed because she isn't all rosy with you, and get mad and go on dating sites or whatever. It is not realistic to think that you will undo all the hurt overnight and you can't expect that from her. if you want any improvement your behavior changes must be over the long haul because otherwise why should she believe its real??


----------



## cowgirl70 (Aug 10, 2011)

Trying_in_2011 said:


> I do love my wife. But truthfully I really don't know if I can do all the heavy lifting required to make it better. I suffer from depression and am taking medication right now. I try to be open with her, but sometimes it feels like she is my mother, constantly checking up on me. I know that is the wrong attitude to have, I'm just being truthful.
> 
> I'm still in the basement, giving my wife space. I try to stay there as much as I can. Although I am still helping out around the house and with the kids. I am doing some renovations on the house to sell it. Part of her requirements was to sell the house and downsize to relieve some financial stress. See if that helped the marriage.
> 
> ...


You can say you love your EX W all day long and night but untill your actions show it, it is a load of BS! You actions are that of a kid, maybe that is why she treats you like one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

I'm not sure if the original poster here just has no boundaries, lead am extremely sheltered life, or maybe he just isn't very bright. But has has no idea about marriage or what it entails. So I will put it to you in terms that you can understand - here is what happens in a marriage.

When a man likes a lady (and I mean REALLY likes a lady), and the lady also likes the man, then they may eventually decide to live life together forever. They will get married. When you are married there are rules you have to abide by, otherwise your lady friend will get tired of you , divorce you, and then find another man to like instead. These rules include - do not "like" someone who is not your wife. Do not do special things with people that are not your wife. Do not give cookies to women that are not your wife. Treat your wife nicey-nice ALL the time, because it is her that you like. When you are at school, ALWAYS sit next to your wife in the lunch hour. Only give presents to your wife - nobody else. Only ever play chase with your wife, nobody else. When it comes down to it, always treat your wife (and ONLY your wife) nicely otherwise she will start to "like" someone else - and let's face it, there are plenty more where you came from.

Hopefully you could comprehend my explanation there. Hopefully it will give you a bit of an idea about the concept of marriage, in language that you can understand. Although when you emotionally mature into an adult there are a few other things you will then be able to understand, and I hope you come here and ask us about them when that time comes.


----------



## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I am not sure you know what truly loving someone means. Reading your posts, I suspect that you

1) had a dysfunctional childhood with parents who were critical, controlling or abusive
2) have commitment/intimacy issues; you can't deal with being truly close to someone either because it scares you or it makes you feel suffocated on some level, or both
3) don't yet realize that the void you are trying ti fill with other women, internet chatting, etc. is NOT ever going to make you feel better about yourself or your life.

You minimize a lot of your bad behavior. You have poor boundaries and yet you continue to go online to find something to make you feel better, or more complete. 

Learning how to love yourself is the only way you will get better.

If you are not making progress with your current therapist, find a new one. Start by looking for a licensed psychologist, not just any counselor. It does make a difference who you see.

Your talk is cheap right now to your wife. Actions say it all. You have been insecure and incredibly selfish, unloving, and dishonest. It takes YEARS to overcome infidelity and it takes a lot of work.

My husband has depression and he had two EAs. But he did the work and our marriage is AWESOME now. You have to make the choice to make it a priority.

And regarding your wife being a mother figure - maybe if you stop acting like a child, she wouldn't feel the need to treat you like one.


----------



## timbre (Oct 3, 2011)

Let me tell a little story. 5 years and 4 days ago my first son was born. My wife was in labor for 4 days in the hospital. I left one of the days to go to a pinball show. Mistake #1.... I needed to be there for her, not my lame crap. The same day that he was born my mother came to visit and I offered to take her to lunch. We got back from lunch and my wife was alone in the room crying. Where was my baby? he was in the NICU becasue he was having trouble breathing. Mistake #2... The first day of my son's life on this earth and I wasn't there with him. The wife spent the next 2 weeks living in a small room in the NICU while my son got better. I went back to work... Mistake #3

This still comes up in arguments. Did I really do something wrong? YUP. I failed to put my wife ahead of any of my personal crap. I needed to be there to support her... that was and still is my duty.

Story #2... A few years ago a old high school flame showed back up in my life. We never did anything in school, never even dated but were pretty close friends. We started talking on Facebook and a few of the conversations got a little out of hand. About a year after my wife and I got married she found a email that I had signed Luv, xxxx. to this same person. Needless to say she flipped out. Then once again I go and start these conversations. Was I in the right... Nope. I shouldn't be having the risque conversations with anyone but my wife.

Own up to these things. Your baseball team, the internet, all should come a distant second. Wake up... own up to what you need to do. That baseball team will always be there. you being with your wife is what is important. If it's not... walk away and never look back.


----------



## DesperateHouseWife (Oct 24, 2011)

Lovebug501 said:


> :iagree:


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------

