# Having an Affair with Your Own Spouse?



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

I've heard advice several times that if your marriage or relationship is experiencing a rough spot, or you find your eyes wandering to others for sexual reasons, or you just want to spice it up and pull it out of a slump, that you should have an affair with your own spouse. 

You may start it out by sending flowers and a suggestive note to your wife while she's at work or home, or text her/him to meet you after work at a local hotel, or after an evening out at dinner, instead of going home to the house and kids, take that trip to that hotel room. 

Anything that you may think someone who would have an elicit affair with your spouse would do.

Has anybody actually tried this, and what was the outcome, and did it work?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I've done it and it's fun.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

I have also done it with no response from her. Good luck.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I've done it twice. It hasn't really worked for us. After the first time I had to put a complete moratorium on conversation about family, kids or home. The second time we tried, I got to the bar first. He took longer than expected to arrive and by the time he got there I was sitting next to people I knew from work. Completely threw both of us off our intended pick up role play. 

Live and learn...

Although it hasn't entirely worked for us, I still think this is a great idea for casual role play fun and would encourage any married couple to give it a try.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I did it when my husband was out of town for 3 months for work.

Wasn't planned though it just happened.

It was a blast.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I feel like I am always having an affair with my husband.

We do some role playing stuff along those lines...but I mean just in our regular relationship. We keep things hot and sparkly and risky and edgy and exciting.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sometimes I tell my hb that I'm glad my hb isn't here so I can have him, and he'll tell me that he's going to do things to me that he doesn't do to his wife, but she'll be back tomorrow so he has to leave.....and other things like this. It's pretty hot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Sometimes I tell my hb that I'm glad my hb isn't here so I can have him, and he'll tell me that he's going to do things to me that he doesn't do to his wife, but she'll be back tomorrow so he has to leave.....and other things like this. It's pretty hot.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I like the original idea, but this I couldn't do. Too many triggers...


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

The reason I asked was that I have thought about doing this. Sending my wife a text telling her to meet me downtown at the lobby of a nice hotel for a few hours with the instructions to be very discreet and don't tell her husband where she is going. 

If she plays along, there would be small gifts along the way, like flowers I would give her in the lobby, a necklace on the ride up in the elevator, and some of her favorite perfume and maybe some sexy lingerie once we hit the room. All the while, I would be talking to her like I was another man, and not her husband. 

The thing is there is a very good chance that all this would backfire on me. (As some have stated above). 
I could see her asking me "What's wrong with you?.... Acting like someone else,..... Going to all this just to get me in bed?" 
Then telling me the hotel room was a waste of money, etc. etc. 

However, there is a small chance that she might get into the spirit of the thing, since she loves going into the city for shopping and dinning out. 

I don't know. I would really be crushed if she started chastising me for wasting money and acting "weird".


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

You can do it, but do it with no expectations. Don't spend a lot of money, just in case. Why would it have to cost any money to be hot anyway? It will either be hot or not, but money spent on it won't be the reason it is hot or not.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I think it's a great idea if you already have a good sex life and you're both on the same page. But as a plan to fix sexlessness or as a plan to fix a bad sex life, I think it's a bad idea. Probably counter productive.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> You can do it, but do it with no expectations. Don't spend a lot of money, just in case. Why would it have to cost any money to be hot anyway? It will either be hot or not, but money spent on it won't be the reason it is hot or not.


The hotel I have in mind is in downtown Chicago, and is one we have stayed at before and I know she loves. Rooms run anywhere from $300 to $1000 a night.

If I booked a room at some seedy cheap place on the outskirts of the city, I don't think my wife would find that at all appealing. 
Although, it does fit into the stereotypical trashy motel room where a lot of affairs happen. I would be game for that too, and would think it added to the atmosphere of the affair, but she would most likely not think so and not show up.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I think it's a great idea if you already have a good sex life and you're both on the same page. But as a plan to fix sexlessness or as a plan to fix a bad sex life, I think it's a bad idea. Probably counter productive.


That's what I was concerned about and afraid of. I just remembering hearing that "advice" several times over the past few years for couples to get their sex life back on track.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

So even if it went down well, to me, it still wouldn't be worth a $300 - $1000 hotel room. Are you of the notion that it costs this much money to have a romantic sexual experience? Or do you think she feels that way? If that is the case, it might be great for literally a one time experience but it won't be sustainable, right?

What does your wife say are her reasons for not wanting more sex?


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> What does your wife say are her reasons for not wanting more sex?


Her reasons are that she just doesn't feel like having sex that often, (which for her is once a month). 
Both of us are in our late 40's and when I complain about just once a month, she states that it is natural for older couples to slow down in that department. "After all we aren't teenagers anymore."


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Have her read my blog. I'm 46 and my husband is 50.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Have her read my blog. I'm 46 and my husband is 50.


I doubt I could get her to read it. Her view is that it's my problem and there is nothing wrong with her. 

She has a lot of religious barriers that have come up lately and as far as I can tell, I have fallen down on her list of priorities a few notches, with her church involvement passing me on the way up.

I will read it though, if that's okay.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I'm over sixty. Our intimacy dwindled. 

Suggestive texting, flowers, cards, secret lunch dates, after work rendezvous. Just bring spontaneous and unexpected. 

I used this and other methods to "get it back" or "connect". It worked.

Try it, what do you have to lose. You not getting any now.

Try reading 5LL and HNHN too.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Batman, Yes please do read it, I would love feedback from anyone (you can PM me with feedback if you have any).

Granted your wife will probably scoff at it, but you could just tease her with it.

"Batman, what are you reading?"

"Oh nothing honey, just this lady's blog...she says her husband is a Sex God! I just thought it might be funny...."


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

anchorwatch said:


> Suggestive texting, flowers, cards, secret lunch dates, after work rendezvous. Just bring spontaneous and unexpected.
> 
> I used this and other methods to "get it back" or "connect". It worked.
> 
> Try it, what do you have to lose. You not getting any now.


I agree with the idea, and would rather spend $1000 on a hotel suite, room service, and a few small gifts for one night of passion with my wife than the frustration and anguish of what a divorce costs monetarily and emotionally.

I was hoping it could be a catalyst for me/us to build upon.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I don’t think you can have an affair with your spouse. Sorry, you know her and the discovery period is over. However, you can rediscover what you already know once you shut those background noises off. One that we do... Friday Happy Hour. Like a speed date. I meet her or visa-versa. 

Rules; We arrive separate and straight from work. We don’t discuss “home business” since this is about “monkey business”. If one cancels, the other is free to do this anyway. Fridays are sacred; Thou shall not schedule things over happy hour for your spouse without fully discussing (and they can still refuse without it being a “problem”).

Just a guy and girl sharing a couple drinks and chatting about nothing in particular. 1 hour, then go home and face the grind and ‘to do’ list that comes with the house and kids. I remove those distractions and get away. 5:30-6:30 once a week. Both of us can’t wait until next Friday.

Funny... it started as a ‘bad habit’ too. I needed to get away, so I started doing it alone while my daughter was at guitar practice. Wife didn’t like the idea. So, she tried all sorts of things to mess with it or make it a bad idea. But basically, I stuck to my guns, but allowed her to meet us if she wanted so that insecurity wouldn’t fester. Complaint after complaint about two cars, not being able to change, etc. I didn’t care, her problem, not mine. So, her fear of me sitting there collecting phone numbers forced her to just show up. And I did my part; I didn’t begrudge her or let it bother me that she was interfering on “my time”. 

And I can’t explain the mental difference of seeing this woman walking through the door of the bar, looking around, and locking eyes with you. It is totally different than arriving together. It is a reminder of how it was when we dated and met each other somewhere. That look and a stirring of memories. Helps rekindle and remind... We both enjoy and look forward to our Friday happy hour. We’ve both blown off other events just to get that hour with each other.

It isn’t ‘directly’ sexual. But it helps restore that intimacy, rebonding and attraction toward each other. That helps immensely on the sexual front.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I love this idea. But then, I love roleplay, whether it's in our own home or a hotel. And I love hotels, room service, flowers, jewelry, new lingerie....and, most importantly, I love sex. So this would be the romantic date to beat all other romantic dates.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You could call it dating your spouse....

Planed or spontaneous, putting in a least 15 hours a week of together, with out distractions, is the key.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

anchorwatch said:


> You could call it dating your spouse....
> 
> Planed or spontaneous, putting in a least 15 hours a week of together, with out distractions, is the key.


We do go out on dates at least once a week. Dinner and/or a movie, but as most married couples can attest, our conversation always drifts to issues at work, home, kids, her church activities, extended family, etc. 
I pride myself on being a good listener, and my wife carries most of the conversation of what's on her mind, but it is hardly the conversation of two love birds. 

That's why I thought of the idea of taking her completely off guard and surprising her with the hotel and a day or two away from all the day to day stuff.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

We were having an affair. It was great, but it's on pause now, life intervened. All dates and gifts are on hold for a while.


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

we role play occasionally . once she ordered a pizza and when the pizza guy showed up (me of course) she did not have the money so she needed to come up with a payment plan. she was wearing something slinky just relaxing. it was pretty hot alright, and we had pizza afterwards. 

I had removed my ring and put on a different jacket, she noticed but did not say anything. then when we were done, I left and drove away and picked up some beer or something and returned.

If I had any more energy that night I would have went for seconds.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

doubletrouble said:


> I like the original idea, but this I couldn't do. Too many triggers...



I understand, we don't have any infidelity in our marriage. If we did I doubt I could do it either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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