# Younger women



## Girl_power

I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do. 

I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem. 

I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


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## drencrom

Younger women are attractive, but even as a guy that isn't interested in a relationship, I don't bother with anyone +- 5 years from me. Nothing in common.

And as far as younger ones, they'll be looking to better deal me once I start getting into the 60's and they are still in their attractive 40's. I think men that date that much younger than them need to take a step back and realize its not a smart move.


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## Girl_power

drencrom said:


> Younger women are attractive, but even as a guy that isn't interested in a relationship, I don't bother with anyone +- 5 years from me. Nothing in common.
> 
> And as far as younger ones, they'll be looking to better deal me once I start getting into the 60's and they are still in their attractive 40's. I think men that date that much younger than them need to take a step back and realize its not a smart move.


Sometimes it works out but it’s definitely a risk people take. As with everything.


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## drencrom

Girl_power said:


> Sometimes it works out but it’s definitely a risk people take. As with everything.


I'd say its rare, however, that a young woman that still looks relatively good doesn't wake up one morning and realize she is married to/dating her grandpa.


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## Joe Montana

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


I may be unique but I am not as attracted to younger women as I am to older women. I have always been this way. The older I get I still find older women then me so attractive. I mean I know why, but it goes back to being 18 lol....story for another day.


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## Girl_power

Maybe I’m bitter because I’m in denial of getting older, or my clock is ticking. Or my ex boyfriend left me for a girl that’s 8 yrs younger than him and she isn’t even that cute. I think he did it because he wasn’t ready for something serious and my clock is ticking away…
Also, I don’t like older men!


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## Joe Montana

Girl_power said:


> Maybe I’m bitter because I’m in denial of getting older, or my clock is ticking. Or my ex boyfriend left me for a girl that’s 8 yrs younger than him and she isn’t even that cute. I think he did it because he wasn’t ready for something serious and my clock is ticking away…
> Also, I don’t like older men!


Can I ask how old you are? All our clocks are ticking away...Those that avoid it are naive. Age is a number and how we act and feel are far more important. However I do understand the bitterness piece...I am sorry the asshole did that to you


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## Girl_power

Joe Montana said:


> Can I ask how old you are? All our clocks are ticking away...Those that avoid it are naive. Age is a number and how we act and feel are far more important. However I do understand the bitterness piece...I am sorry the asshole did that to you


35


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## Joe Montana

Girl_power said:


> 35


You are not even in your prime yet! Your best years are still coming! Please dont let that guy make you feel this way!


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## Girl_power

It’s just a hard age for me to be at. I am loving my life, my job, I make good money and I can have great sex, and enjoy my hobbies, but I know I want kids and I have to settle down soon. I just have a hard time finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. 
Even though my ex and I were only together for a couple months, he was the first person after my ex H I thought I could love. And he leaves me for a 26 year old. And I know it was My age that bothered him.


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## Diana7

Girl_power said:


> Maybe I’m bitter because I’m in denial of getting older, or my clock is ticking. Or my ex boyfriend left me for a girl that’s 8 yrs younger than him and she isn’t even that cute. I think he did it because he wasn’t ready for something serious and my clock is ticking away…
> Also, I don’t like older men!


I have never wanted an older man either. I don't want to date my dad thanks. 
I always laugh when I read what some men say about wanting a younger women men because a woman of their age wouldn't be able to keep up with them. 😅


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## DownByTheRiver

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


You just have to remind yourself how deluded the older men are who actually go after them and how low they will go in quality to make it happen. And then they come on here complaining about golddiggers....

You don't want those men anyway. True, it's quite a lot of them. I see no problem with looking, but sticking it out for one under any circumstances because that's their No. 1 Penis Priority -- don't want that guy anyway.

I made a rare trip to a bar when I was nearing 50 to see old friends play a little gig there and while I was there, it was mostly college students. One was this about 19 year old, really prim looking Hitchcock blond who was all of a sudden really hammered. There was a guy there I'd worked with in retail decades before, now maybe 45 or so. He stood around hovering until that girl started to topple and started pretty much dragging her out of the club (no, he didn't know her). It made me wonder if he had maybe loaded a drink he bought for he, but maybe not. I hope not. It's happened to me 4 times, though. Fortunately, her other friends saw it happening and came and took her away from him. But yeah, that's how old lechers bang a college student. They incapacitate them and then wait for them to go down like a lame antelope. I was embarrassed I ever knew that guy. He was already obnoxious when I worked with him, but he had an excuse since he was just a 20 year old then himself.


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## Diana7

Girl_power said:


> 35


35? Good grief. You are about the same age as my youngest. 35 is nothing.


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## Girl_power

DownByTheRiver said:


> You just have to remind yourself how deluded the older men are who actually go after them and how low they will go in quality to make it happen. And then they come on here complaining about golddiggers....
> 
> You don't want those men anyway. True, it's quite a lot of them. I see no problem with looking, but sticking it out for one under any circumstances because that's their No. 1 Penis Priority -- don't want that guy anyway.
> 
> I made a rare trip to a bar when I was nearing 50 to see old friends play a little gig there and while I was there, it was mostly college students. One was this about 19 year old, really prim looking Hitchcock blond who was all of a sudden really hammered. There was a guy there I'd worked with in retail decades before, now maybe 45 or so. He stood around hovering until that girl started to topple and started pretty much dragging her out of the club (no, he didn't know her). It made me wonder if he had maybe loaded a drink he bought for he, but maybe now. I hope not. It's happened to me 4 times, though. Fortunately, her other friends saw it happening and came and took her away from him. But yeah, that's hold old lechers bang a college student. They incapacitate them and then wait for them to go down like a lame antelope. I was embarrassed I ever knew that guy. He was already obnoxious when I worked with him, but he had an excuse since he was just a 20 year old then himself.


Barf!! 

I know these guys gross me out but I feel like it’s not unusual which scares me!! I think men like my ex who make it super clear that they love young girls, (his Instagram is filled with young young girls in their 20s), I hope they waste their time trying to date these girls and end up getting dumped, then struggle to find any halfway decent women. 

I know that sounds mean but that’s what I am hoping happens to my ex. I’m like yes, date for a few years, then when he’s 40 and ready to get married, and she’s 32 I hope she dumps his ass and then he has trouble finding any good women. Especially bc he has dated really great girls his age that we’re ready for something serious, and he wasn’t so he broke up with them. I hope and pray that it all bites him in the ass.


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## Girl_power

That’s what my ex did. Dates these great great girls his age for 2 years, then when they wanted to get serious, he broke up with them. I saw this pattern so when we fretted seeing each other I kinda called him out on it. I was like hey, if we’re Going to do this, then let’s really do it. (Bc he always kept a weird emotional, and physical distance). 
When he was with me, he was obsessed with me. After I said that to him he freaked out. Ended things with me. Said he didn’t want to even think about moving in together for at least 2 years etc etc. he ended it. A couple weeks later he is dating a 26 year old that lives almost 5hrs from him. 

He is 34 btw. Says he definitely wants kids and marriage.


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## Married but Happy

It's becoming more common for women to date younger men, but I doubt it will become as prevalent as the reverse. Yes, men wanting to date younger women has a lot to do with biology. That said, _most_ men date women close to their age, and _most_ marry close to their age. After a first marriage fails, more men will try to date younger, and some will have some success especially if they keep fit and/or are successful. When I was dating, my preferred range was within 8 years of my age. I didn't pursue younger women, but many pursued me. I married one of them, but she's just 10 years younger. I had a long term FWB who was much younger, and again that was because she pursued me. I guess my point is that you can and should pursue/contact/date the men you find attractive; you don't have to wait for them to initiate.


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## Numb26

Girl_power said:


> It’s just a hard age for me to be at. I am loving my life, my job, I make good money and I can have great sex, and enjoy my hobbies, but I know I want kids and I have to settle down soon. I just have a hard time finding someone to spend the rest of my life with.
> Even though my ex and I were only together for a couple months, he was the first person after my ex H I thought I could love. And he leaves me for a 26 year old. And I know it was My age that bothered him.


You are a younger woman to me. 😉


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## ConanHub

Children are a concern. If I was your age and hadn't had children and was looking for a wife, it would be a consideration.

If I wasn't looking to start a family, I wouldn't consider it at all.


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## DownByTheRiver

Girl_power said:


> Barf!!
> 
> I know these guys gross me out but I feel like it’s not unusual which scares me!! I think men like my ex who make it super clear that they love young girls, (his Instagram is filled with young young girls in their 20s), I hope they waste their time trying to date these girls and end up getting dumped, then struggle to find any halfway decent women.
> 
> I know that sounds mean but that’s what I am hoping happens to my ex. I’m like yes, date for a few years, then when he’s 40 and ready to get married, and she’s 32 I hope she dumps his ass and then he has trouble finding any good women. Especially bc he has dated really great girls his age that we’re ready for something serious, and he wasn’t so he broke up with them. I hope and pray that it all bites him in the ass.


They don't care about "good women," just young bodies. 

I used to go to the dog park regularly, and what you do there is just follow your dog around, wherever that takes you. A certain number of people are there apparently looking for love/hookups though, which is fine. So after my dog took me to their vicinity, I have had two men tell me to get moving, basically, because they're trying to get someone. One was a gay guy, who just flat told me he doesn't want to look hetero, so move along, Honey. I was okay with that, because at least he was honest. The other was like 75 and gruffly told me to get out of the way, because he was staring at some skinny approx. 28 year old. As if. I mean, he was old and gray and out of shape, but he was still thinking there was a chance. My lord. It's pathetic.


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## DownByTheRiver

Diana7 said:


> 35? Good grief. You are about the same age as my youngest. 35 is nothing.


35, though, even a well preserved one is when a lot of guys write you off as too old. I hope that number is getting higher, but unsure.


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## Galabar01

The sexual marketplace changes as people age. At the start, women have a huge, enormous advantage. You should be happy about that. It means that you can find someone you like early on. Of course, you can't expect that to last forever. That wouldn't be fair, would it (not that fairness has anything to do with it)? 😗 At some point, the situation reverses; men become "more valuable" in the marketplace.

Is it better to have value earlier or later? It's hard to say. If you are a woman who locked down a great guy young and still has him, I guess you "won." If I guy is older, single, and employed, they might feel like they "won" with all the option they have.

I just hope you don't think women should have an advantage both when young and when older. That would be narcissistic, wouldn't it? 

p.s. I've been married since 1999. My wife is 2 years older than me and I've never really been attracted to younger women (not sure why). So, I guess I'm not the norm. I'm around the 50 mark, and, if I ever found myself "on the market" again (I pray I don't), I think my FindADateForMe.com preferences would be for women between 45 and 55.


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## Girl_power

DownByTheRiver said:


> They don't care about "good women," just young bodies.
> 
> I used to go to the dog park regularly, and what you do there is just follow your dog around, wherever that takes you. A certain number of people are there apparently looking for love/hookups though, which is fine. So after my dog took me to their vicinity, I have had two men tell me to get moving, basically, because they're trying to get someone. One was a gay guy, who just flat told me he doesn't want to look hetero, so move along, Honey. I was okay with that, because at least he was honest. The other was like 75 and gruffly told me to get out of the way, because he was staring at some skinny approx. 28 year old. As if. I mean, he was old and gray and out of shape, but he was still thinking there was a chance. My lord. It's pathetic.


It’s soooo pathetic!!!

I have this old dude in my building that has tried with me multiple times! He like do you have a boyfriend? And I’m like wtf what does that matter??? Your older than my dad. Like literally that question is irrelevant. 
This. Will. Never. Happen. Even if your my last chance at a man. I would rather be with a women hahaha.


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## Galabar01

Girl_power said:


> 35


Sorry, too young for me...


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## ccpowerslave

As with anything it’s not all men of course. I don’t think I would be interested in anything more than sex with a woman more than a few years younger than me. I know my role and I want an equal not someone with vastly different life experience.

My wife is roughly 2 years younger than me and that feels about right.

Of course I have had buddies divorce and go younger. Haven’t seen a single one work out in the long term and to be honest it is really weird. 

I was at an event with one of my wife’s friends recently and his friend was there and is the same age as me roughly. His pregnant girlfriend was 27. At one point he left and I was sitting there with her and I was thinking, yuck… Oddly I mentioned it to my wife and she said her friend tried to warn the guy off and his response was also yuck.

So the men exist!


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## Galabar01

drencrom said:


> ... I don't bother with anyone +- 5 years from me...


Yup. Agree 100%. +-5 years almost seems like a universal constant to me.


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## Girl_power

And the other thing is, my ex is a high school teacher. And as soon as his students graduate, he becomes friends with them on Instagram… the girls. And he’s super creepy to me. So his Instagram is filled with super super young girls.


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## ConanHub

Now for strictly non child bearing folks like myself who are past all that, I notice attractive youngsters of course but my head doesn't get turned by women outside my range which is usually high thirties to low sixties. That's probably a big range but it's maybe within 11 or 12 years of me either way.


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## Galabar01

ccpowerslave said:


> ...
> 
> I was at an event with one of my wife’s friends recently and his friend was there and is the same age as me roughly. His pregnant girlfriend was 27. At one point he left and I was sitting there with her and I was thinking, yuck… Oddly I mentioned it to my wife and she said her friend tried to warn the guy off and his response was also yuck.
> 
> ...


I think who an older man _can_ date and _should_ date are very different.


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## Married but Happy

Diana7 said:


> I have never wanted an older man either. I don't want to date my dad thanks.
> I always laugh when I read what some men say about wanting a younger women men because a woman of their age wouldn't be able to keep up with them. 😅


There are plenty of women my age who could run rings around me, and I'm in decent shape. So yes, that's not a valid excuse most of the time.


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## ccpowerslave

Girl_power said:


> And the other thing is, my ex is a high school teacher. And as soon as his students graduate, he becomes friends with them on Instagram… the girls. And he’s super creepy to me. So his Instagram is filled with super super young girls.


Sounds like you dodged a bullet there.


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## Girl_power

ccpowerslave said:


> Sounds like you dodged a bullet there.


I don’t disagree but I’m still mad and bitter about it and I don’t know why…. I lied I do know why. It’s bc I rarely find a guy I like. And I really liked him, and I wanted it to work out. So that’s why I’m bitter, and jealous and crabby. Even though, I know they won’t work out I mean they aren’t even compatible. But I think I’m more annoyed that we didn’t work out. Im crabby because I’m not happy with my love life. And for some reason obsessing over their relationship helps distract me or something. Ahhh


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## ccpowerslave

Galabar01 said:


> I think who an older man _can_ date and _should_ date are very different.


Yes, agreed. In this case though it’s a 20+ year age difference. You’re already out of college before the other person is even born, that’s a large gap.


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## Galabar01

Now, the chances of _you_ in particular finding a high value man in your age group (if you are looking) who is looking for someone your age and shares the views above, well, that might be somewhat difficult. Most of those men are going to be taken, and those that aren't are going to have _a lot_ of choices.


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## Girl_power

Galabar01 said:


> Now, the chances of _you_ in particular finding a high value man in your age group (if you are looking) who is looking for someone your age and shares the views above, well, that might be somewhat difficult. Most of those men are going to be taken, and those that aren't are going to have _a lot_ of choices.


I’m talking to my ex boyfriend again (a different one). I broke up with him a year ago. He has been fighting to get back with me even though there are younger hotter women that want him. He’s 33, makes $90k a year, has no kids, never has been married, good body, dresses well, is taller than me. 

He can get better than me but he wants me. I understand this value system that you speak of, but it doesn’t matter to some people.


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## Galabar01

Girl_power said:


> I’m talking to my ex boyfriend again (a different one). I broke up with him a year ago. He has been fighting to get back with me even though there are younger hotter women that want him. He’s 33, makes $90k a year, has no kids, never has been married, good body, dresses well, is taller than me.
> 
> He can get better than me but he wants me. I understand this value system that you speak of, but it doesn’t matter to some people.


Why did you guys break up?

p.s. This would be a form of the scenario where a younger girl locks down a man, I guess, with a slight variation.


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## ccpowerslave

Girl_power said:


> I’m talking to my ex boyfriend again (a different one). I broke up with him a year ago. He has been fighting to get back with me even though there are younger hotter women that want him. He’s 33, makes $90k a year, has no kids, never has been married, good body, dresses well, is taller than me.
> 
> He can get better than me but he wants me. I understand this value system that you speak of, but it doesn’t matter to some people.


That was the wishy washy guy or the skiing one?

Edit: I wasn’t taking a shot at you although it could be read that way, just trying to place which guy it is.


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## Girl_power

ccpowerslave said:


> That was the wishy washy guy or the skiing one?
> 
> Edit: I wasn’t taking a shot at you although it could be read that way, just trying to place which guy it is.


It’s the one I dated for 2 years, I wasn’t happy toward the end. He was the one that wasn’t there for me when I hurt my knee skiing which is why I broke up with him. 


The wishy washy guy… that must be the one I’m talking about dating this young girl.


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## pastasauce79

Girl_power said:


> I’m talking to my ex boyfriend again (a different one). I broke up with him a year ago. He has been fighting to get back with me even though there are younger hotter women that want him. He’s 33, makes $90k a year, has no kids, never has been married, good body, dresses well, is taller than me.
> 
> He can get better than me but he wants me. I understand this value system that you speak of, but it doesn’t matter to some people.


So what's wrong with him that you don't date him again?


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## DownByTheRiver

Girl_power said:


> I don’t disagree but I’m still mad and bitter about it and I don’t know why…. I lied I do know why. It’s bc I rarely find a guy I like. And I really liked him, and I wanted it to work out. So that’s why I’m bitter, and jealous and crabby. Even though, I know they won’t work out I mean they aren’t even compatible. But I think I’m more annoyed that we didn’t work out. Im crabby because I’m not happy with my love life. And for some reason obsessing over their relationship helps distract me or something. Ahhh


It's not a competition. Your goal is to reach the point where you don't care what he thinks about what you were doing and you don't care what he's doing. It's a process but you've got to work yourself toward it or you're still a slave to him. 

If you are starving for affection, get yourself a couple of rescue dogs and a dog door so they're not a lot of work.


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## ccpowerslave

Girl_power said:


> He was the one that wasn’t there for me when I hurt my knee skiing which is why I broke up with him.


Yeah that was the guy I was thinking of as “skiing guy”. Thanks for the clarification.


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## Girl_power

DownByTheRiver said:


> It's not a competition. Your goal is to reach the point where you don't care what he thinks about what you were doing and you don't care what he's doing. It's a process but you've got to work yourself toward it or you're still a slave to him.
> 
> If you are starving for affection, get yourself a couple of rescue dogs and a dog door so they're not a lot of work.


I agree. I am fully aware that the fact that I am so interested in his relationship is a bad sign for me. I’m doing the best I can. But I know that I’m not over the situation. I’m trying.


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## Girl_power

pastasauce79 said:


> So what's wrong with him that you don't date him again?


We dated for a while. Our relationship evolved to essentially roommates… I wasn’t happy. He was totally happy with the way things were. He is one of those guys that is incredibly easy to make happy.


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## southbound

I’m 53, and I’m not attracted to women much younger than me. That’s not to say I can’t recognize a young, attractive woman, but that is different that desiring them. I would t have much in common, and it just seems a little weird.


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## Al_Bundy

Why do you think you rarely find someone you like?


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## jorgegene

Here's a guy that once had two girlfriends at same time. They were both beautiful in their own way.
One was 17 years younger than me. The other was 3.5 years older than me. They were both pretty.
The younger one had a perfect body. The older one was even prettier face even though 20 years difference.
I couldn't have them both. They told me I had to choose.

I chose the older one.


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## DownByTheRiver

Girl_power said:


> I agree. I am fully aware that the fact that I am so interested in his relationship is a bad sign for me. I’m doing the best I can. But I know that I’m not over the situation. I’m trying.


I know it's not easy. Every time you have one good thought about him, remember 3 bad things about him and you will soon see some improvement.


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## sokillme

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


Compete against yourself not others.

At 35 what would be the age range of men you would date?


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## Galabar01

Interestingly, for a man at that age wanting children, it seems that a younger woman might be better:

*Maternal Age: *Down syndrome can occur at any maternal age, but the possibility increases as a woman gets older. A 25-year-old woman has a one in 1,200 chance of having a baby with Down syndrome. By 35 years of age, the risk increases to one in 350—and it becomes one in 100 by age 40. The chances of Down syndrome further increase to one in 30 by age 45, according to the National Down Syndrome Society. If you're over 35 and thinking about getting pregnant, you and your partner may want to undergo genetic counseling to more precisely pinpoint your risk. 









4 Factors Associated With Down Syndrome: What Parents Should Know


Doctors understand the chromosomal abnormalities behind Down syndrome, but they still can't pinpoint exactly why it occurs. Here's what experts know about a baby's chances of having Down syndrome.




www.parents.com





The 26 year old is probably a much better choice for him having kids with. For you, you might want to hurry things along...


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## Girl_power

Al_Bundy said:


> Why do you think you rarely find someone you like?


I know this sounds mean, but I just don’t like anyone. I have a hard time connecting with a lot of people. But when I do connect with someone, I really really connect with them. I’m like a light switch.


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## Galabar01

Did this guy cheat on you?


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## Girl_power

DownByTheRiver said:


> I know it's not easy. Every time you have one good thought about him, remember 3 bad things about him and you will soon see some improvement.


My problem is u always remember the way I felt when I was with him. 
In my brain now I know he’s a scumbag. I know he isn’t ready for a relationship. I know he is the type of person he always keeps looking for better. I don’t even like his political stance. I know that hypothetically if he comes running back to me, and I say yes, I will never ever be happy bc I know I’ll be super insecure that he is always looking at younger women. It would drive me insane if he watches porn or even goes on Instagram. Like I know I would become this crazy, controlling miserable insecure *****. And that’s because I know he will always be looking and talking to other girls. I know all these things. I know that we would never work out. 
But for some reason, I can’t get past how “happy” he made me feel. It’s hard to explain. I think he just knows women, and knows what makes them feel good, and he’s super charming and I know he just had a lot of game. But at the end of the day, it made me feel good. Which is really freakin sad.


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## Girl_power

sokillme said:


> Compete against yourself not others.
> 
> At 35 what would be the age range of men you would date?


33-40.


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## Al_Bundy

Girl_power said:


> I know this sounds mean, but I just don’t like anyone. I have a hard time connecting with a lot of people. But when I do connect with someone, I really really connect with them. I’m like a light switch.


Not mean, just how you are. No need to sugarcoat it. It would have been different if you had a list of 156 different things the guy had to have but it's a connection thing. That probably affects how you are in social situations too. Just a guess obviously but I'd imagine it's not fun doing the normal socializing stuff if you aren't crazy about people in general. Also your 30s can be a weird time to be single if a lot of the people around you are married and have kids.


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## Girl_power

Galabar01 said:


> Interestingly, for a man at that age wanting children, it seems that a younger woman might be better:
> 
> *Maternal Age: *Down syndrome can occur at any maternal age, but the possibility increases as a woman gets older. A 25-year-old woman has a one in 1,200 chance of having a baby with Down syndrome. By 35 years of age, the risk increases to one in 350—and it becomes one in 100 by age 40. The chances of Down syndrome further increase to one in 30 by age 45, according to the National Down Syndrome Society. If you're over 35 and thinking about getting pregnant, you and your partner may want to undergo genetic counseling to more precisely pinpoint your risk.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 4 Factors Associated With Down Syndrome: What Parents Should Know
> 
> 
> Doctors understand the chromosomal abnormalities behind Down syndrome, but they still can't pinpoint exactly why it occurs. Here's what experts know about a baby's chances of having Down syndrome.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.parents.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The 26 year old is probably a much better choice for him having kids with. For you, you might want to hurry things along...


I agree with you. But this situation is different because the ONLY reason he is dating her from my perspective of course is that she is young. If he was wanting to really get serious with someone, trust me it wouldnt be her, and this is why.

1. He is a simple country boy. He lives in a rural area with his whole family near by. They are like the Brady bunch. He always goes to his parents house. They take family vacations together multiple times a year. His sister is married and has a kid, they still go to Disney every year as a big family together. This girl lives in a completely different state, 5hrs away, in a super expensive city, right by nyc. Her parents and brother live in NYC. One of them has to compromise and move somewhere and I don’t think either of them would. 
2. He is super outdoorsy. That’s his hobby. He is a huge skier, absolutely loves it. Loves to go to the mountains and hike, and mountain climb, and tent camp, and canoe etc. so does his whole family. That’s what he wants. He always talked to me about how excited he is to teach his kids to ski, and he still does all these things with his parents and aunts/uncles. She does not have an athletic bone in her body. She is super artsy 


I literally just think he is buying time. There is no way he will move to where she lives. There is no way he will give up his hobbies. There is no way he will marry someone who doesn’t share his passions and hobbies. When we were together that’s all he talked about his parents are always going camping together and doing shared hobbies together, and he said that’s what he wants. 

He just wants to buy time. He probably loves that she lives hours away, because then he can do whatever he wants to do during the week. He doesn’t want anything serious right now. And I think when he actually is ready… she won’t be it because they don’t have anything in common, and too many sacrifices will have to be made.


----------



## Girl_power

Galabar01 said:


> Did this guy cheat on you?


No.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Girl_power said:


> My problem is u always remember the way I felt when I was with him.
> In my brain now I know he’s a scumbag. I know he isn’t ready for a relationship. I know he is the type of person he always keeps looking for better. I don’t even like his political stance. I know that hypothetically if he comes running back to me, and I say yes, I will never ever be happy bc I know I’ll be super insecure that he is always looking at younger women. It would drive me insane if he watches porn or even goes on Instagram. Like I know I would become this crazy, controlling miserable insecure ***. And that’s because I know he will always be looking and talking to other girls. I know all these things. I know that we would never work out.
> But for some reason, I can’t get past how “happy” he made me feel. It’s hard to explain. I think he just knows women, and knows what makes them feel good, and he’s super charming and I know he just had a lot of game. But at the end of the day, it made me feel good. Which is really freakin sad.


What love you felt came from within yourself and you still have it in there to share with someone else. He probably did try to make you happy for awhile. But in the end, he cares more about his own happiness than anyone else's, which is normal enough, I guess. 

Don't be with someone who brings out the worst in you, in this case a lot of anxiety. My deal was I wouldn't stay with anyone who made it necessary for me to become, for instance, a nag, or who riled me up all the time. When I saw the writing on the wall, that's when I bailed. I never nagged anyone, didn't let someone put me in that position. I put up with what I didn't mind putting up with and cut it off when it was something that was a dealbreaker for me. 

I briefly dated one young guy (that was the problem right there) who brought out my worst behavior, but not for long. I didn't want to be the person I'd have to be to deal with him. It was ridiculous and I'm glad I didn't get too caught up to realize it.


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## pastasauce79

Girl_power said:


> I agree with you. But this situation is different because the ONLY reason he is dating her from my perspective of course is that she is young. If he was wanting to really get serious with someone, trust me it wouldnt be her, and this is why.
> 
> 1. He is a simple country boy. He lives in a rural area with his whole family near by. They are like the Brady bunch. He always goes to his parents house. They take family vacations together multiple times a year. His sister is married and has a kid, they still go to Disney every year as a big family together. This girl lives in a completely different state, 5hrs away, in a super expensive city, right by nyc. Her parents and brother live in NYC. One of them has to compromise and move somewhere and I don’t think either of them would.
> 2. He is super outdoorsy. That’s his hobby. He is a huge skier, absolutely loves it. Loves to go to the mountains and hike, and mountain climb, and tent camp, and canoe etc. so does his whole family. That’s what he wants. He always talked to me about how excited he is to teach his kids to ski, and he still does all these things with his parents and aunts/uncles. She does not have an athletic bone in her body. She is super artsy
> 
> 
> I literally just think he is buying time. There is no way he will move to where she lives. There is no way he will give up his hobbies. There is no way he will marry someone who doesn’t share his passions and hobbies. When we were together that’s all he talked about his parents are always going camping together and doing shared hobbies together, and he said that’s what he wants.
> 
> He just wants to buy time. He probably loves that she lives hours away, because then he can do whatever he wants to do during the week. He doesn’t want anything serious right now. And I think when he actually is ready… she won’t be it because they don’t have anything in common, and too many sacrifices will have to be made.


Why do you care so much?

You need to stop obsessing over him and his girlfriend. Stop stalking his social media. Whatever he does is his business and he can do whatever he wants with his life. 

You are hurting yourself by trying to know everything about them. This is not healthy. If you plan on maybe finding someone else to date, you need to let this guy go. Unfollow him and whoever is associated with him.

Once you are over him, then you'll see potential in someone else. Obsessing over him is not healthy. Let the guy go.


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## northernlights

Are you in a city? It's much easier to date in your 30s in a city than in somewhere more rural.


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## Openminded

No matter how much your long-term ex wants you back, where does that go if the reasons you broke up are still there — or do you feel he’s willing to compromise now?


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## Numb26

northernlights said:


> Are you in a city? It's much easier to date in your 30s in a city than in somewhere more rural.


I don't have a problem dating in my rural area


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## Benbutton

DownByTheRiver said:


> You just have to remind yourself how deluded the older men are who actually go after them and how low they will go in quality to make it happen.


Utterly laughable statement and painted with such a broad brush. My wife is 9 years my junior, she chased me and I was taken aback by how mature she was for her age. That was 14 years ago.


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## Numb26

Benbutton said:


> Utterly laughable statement and painted with such a broad brush. My wife is 9 years my junior, she chased me and I was taken aback by how mature she was for her age. That was 14 years ago.


It is a disingenuous statement. I don't consider myself deluded and I date younger women sometimes


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## Al_Bundy

Numb26 said:


> It is a disingenuous statement. I don't consider myself deluded and I date younger women sometimes


A buddy of mine is a college professor, older guy. He practically needs to carry a tennis racket to class to swat away all the younger p-sleeve that gets thrown at him


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## DownByTheRiver

Benbutton said:


> Utterly laughable statement and painted with such a broad brush. My wife is 9 years my junior, she chased me and I was taken aback by how mature she was for her age. That was 14 years ago.


9 years isn't that bad, but it does depend on how young you both were. If she's 19 and you're 28, that's quite a maturity gap. If you're 39 and she's 29, not so much. My father was 9 years older than my mother, but he was verrrrrry immature his whole life. Not sure, of course, what they were like when they met, but they didn't meet when they were both young. My dad was still trying to get with young girls as he lay in the nursing home at 93.


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## heartsbeating

Girl_power said:


> I agree. I am fully aware that the fact that I am so interested in his relationship is a bad sign for me. I’m doing the best I can. But I know that I’m not over the situation. I’m trying.





pastasauce79 said:


> Why do you care so much?
> 
> You need to stop obsessing over him and his girlfriend. Stop stalking his social media. Whatever he does is his business and he can do whatever he wants with his life.
> 
> You are hurting yourself by trying to know everything about them. This is not healthy. If you plan on maybe finding someone else to date, you need to let this guy go. Unfollow him and whoever is associated with him.
> 
> Once you are over him, then you'll see potential in someone else. Obsessing over him is not healthy. Let the guy go.


It's good that you recognize your continued interest in him is not healthy. Whatever is unresolved for you from that relationship is more the thing to focus on - within yourself. No doubt you already know this. Putting it into perspective, you were dating just over a couple of months. I agree with @pastasauce79 Who he is dating and what he is doing now is none of your business and so redirect your focus. I don't think this is about 'some men going for younger women' and more about whatever you need to do within yourself to dust yourself off and move forward. If you are still following him or looking up him/her on social media, that needs to stop for your own well-being.


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## heartsbeating

Offering another view, that as you felt into him, then knowing he is dating another could bring you a sense of contentment for him / you both. You gave it a try together. Figured out quickly it wasn't a long-term fit and now you each have opportunity to find another who you do each fit with. Pretty sure that's what dating is about.


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## SpinyNorman

Don't waste your energy getting mad at men for their dating preferences. If you meet somebody w/ better preferences, your anger won't be an attractive quality. When I met somebody awful, I reminded myself how easy they'd made my decision.


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## DownByTheRiver

Al_Bundy said:


> A buddy of mine is a college professor, older guy. He practically needs to carry a tennis racket to class to swat away all the younger p-sleeve that gets thrown at him


Yeah, I've known a couple of old college professors. One of them had what he called a stalker, but he wouldn't ever set any boundaries with her (and he was married).


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## TXTrini

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Girl_power. Like many of the men here have said, lots of men do not chase very much younger women. The trouble though is that you want to have kids. I had no issues finding a man within my age range (within 5 years, I was looking for 40-50 at the time), however, most of them don't want children. 

I have no advice to offer bc our dating goals differ, but I just wanted to offer support. I hope you find someone who can give you what you want. I went out with a younger guy who did want to have a family once, I think he was 35. He was a very decent fellow, we parted as friends since I wasn't interested in having children. Not all millennial men are stuck in extended adolescence, there are decent ones out there. 

He was a conservative fella though, so you might need to review your deal breakers if that's one. 



Girl_power said:


> I know this sounds mean, but I just don’t like anyone. I have a hard time connecting with a lot of people. But when I do connect with someone, I really really connect with them. I’m like a light switch.


It's not mean, it's just how you are. I'm the same, honestly it's pointless dating and especially marrying someone you don't like, and respect. 

Can you freeze your eggs to buy some time, or would, you consider adoption or being a step mom? That might offer you more options.


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## oldshirt

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


(circa 1983)

19 year old Youngshirt = "I understand girls my age like older guys. I get it. I know it's biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don't know what to do. 

I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. (social media did not exist then, but social naratives and cultural norms were still very much in force and took tolls on self esteem)

I guess I don't really have a question. These are the facts of life and life stages."


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## Al_Bundy

I think even guys who tend to date younger would love a woman their age but often times, especially in your 30s, women your own age are on the fast track. They're all in hurry, they've had their fun, time to crank out crumb crunchers and leave all fun behind. Meanwhile the guy is just coming into his own and isn't in a rush. Different priorities.

Add to that as I got older I notice most of the women my own age looked like a can of biscuits dropped off the empire state building. Sometimes going younger is just practical. It'd be great to meet a fit woman my age who can appreciate Def Leppard and Run DMC but that's not easily found.


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## DownByTheRiver

If you are at all inclined religiously, then by all means find a man at church who might want an actual marriage type relationship. But don't get in a hurry. You can always adopt if things don't work out. Or you can have a baby by yourself if you have any family type support and a real good job.


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## ConanHub

Numb26 said:


> It is a disingenuous statement. I don't consider myself deluded and I date younger women sometimes





Benbutton said:


> Utterly laughable statement and painted with such a broad brush. My wife is 9 years my junior, she chased me and I was taken aback by how mature she was for her age. That was 14 years ago.


I think a ten year gap really isn't odd at all.


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## DownButNotOut

Hey GP. I hope the best for you. I never thought Teacher was going to be the one for you. Even your early posts about him screamed commitment-issues. Ski guy ... you left him for a reason, and that probably won't be any different if you go back to it.

You're right that men do tend to look for younger women. It's very normal for a mid 30s guy to be looking for long term relationships with 26-30 year olds. A very harsh reality is that women and men aren't on the same biological clock. So those men can better afford to wait.

I hope you find what you're looking for. You might have to broaden your search, but I do hope you find it.

For the record, I'm probably one of those deluded creepy men these days. 52, 5'11", 165, and currently training for half-marathons so reasonably fit. My current GF is 12 years younger than me.


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## DownByTheRiver

I don't think even 12 years is a big deal if you're both middle aged. Maturity levels are similar.


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## Enigma32

oldshirt said:


> (circa 1983)
> 
> *19 year old Youngshirt = "I understand girls my age like older guys. I get it. I know it's biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don't know what to do.*
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. (social media did not exist then, but social naratives and cultural norms were still very much in force and took tolls on self esteem)
> 
> I guess I don't really have a question. These are the facts of life and life stages."


Yeah, I remember thinking about that when I was a young man. Every pretty, decent girl from high school to college age always ended up with an older guy with his crap together, or so it seemed to me. The pretty HS girls had college boyfriends and the pretty college girls had college grad boyfriends.


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## oldshirt

Enigma32 said:


> Yeah, I remember thinking about that when I was a young man. Every pretty, decent girl from high school to college age always ended up with an older guy with his crap together, or so it seemed to me. The pretty HS girls had college boyfriends and the pretty college girls had college grad boyfriends.


Here's what really sucked. When I was roughly 22 and getting out of school and starting starting my career and was starting to make some money and had my own place and decent set of wheels, I was dating a younger girl that I was head over heels for who was just out of high school and starting college and she still dumped me for older dudes 😡


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## ConanHub

DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't think even 12 years is a big deal if you're both middle aged. Maturity levels are similar.


LoL. She's 11 years my senior but I grew up early.😉


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## oldshirt

Here is something we need to keep in mind when we hear mature women complaining about men their age going for younger women. 

When these women were in their late teens and 20s, they weren't complaining about the older men wining and dining them and taking them to nice places and such. 

And they were probably feeling pretty smug about these men dating them instead of those mean old bitter ladies in their 30s and beyond with their developing wrinkles and muffin tops and bitter attitudes. 

I was different when the shoe was on the other foot.


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## Cici1990

Seeing older men with much younger women is really common where I am and I’d say a lot of these couples I see or know of have young kids. It’s so commonplace that when me and my dad go out together many people have automatically assumed that I’m his much younger girlfriend. I personally know several women in their late 20s-mid 30s who have young kids with men who are 50+. I have one friend who married a 50 year old man when she was 26. He died suddenly 3 years later and now she’s dating a man who is a few years younger than her because she doesn’t want to outlive another spouse.


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## ConanHub

I gotta admit to feeling a little hopeless when a girl I fell in love with, climbed on with a guy who was 26 when we were 16. Rough times.


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## Enigma32

ConanHub said:


> I gotta admit to feeling a little hopeless when a girl I fell in love with, climbed on with a guy who was 26 when we were 16. Rough times.


Right? I remember that stuff. Because as a young man, I always felt like I couldn't compete with those older guys. The 16 year old girls I knew had 18 year old boyfriends with jobs and cars and full beards. Just the way things are.


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## DownButNotOut

oldshirt said:


> Here is something we need to keep in mind when we hear mature women complaining about men their age going for younger women.
> 
> When these women were in their late teens and 20s, they weren't complaining about the older men wining and dining them and taking them to nice places and such.
> 
> And they were probably feeling pretty smug about these men dating them instead of those mean old bitter ladies in their 30s and beyond with their developing wrinkles and muffin tops and bitter attitudes.
> 
> I was different when the shoe was on the other foot.


Not much comfort though. I do feel for the women. It's as if they've been lied to their whole lives. There's still time. Wait to settle down. Have a career first. When the truth is time is a harsh mistress. The time to find that 30-something man to start a family with is when you're 27, not 35. I understand the bitterness. I do.


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## DownButNotOut

Enigma32 said:


> Right? I remember that stuff. Because as a young man, I always felt like I couldn't compete with those older guys. The 16 year old girls I knew had 18 year old boyfriends with jobs and cars and full beards. Just the way things are.


Yup. But a couple years later, you're that 18 year old and your options grow. Time is much friendlier to men that way ... their options grow with age for quite a while.


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## manowar

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.



epiphany


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## ConanHub

DownButNotOut said:


> Yup. But a couple years later, you're that 18 year old and your options grow. Time is much friendlier to men that way ... their options grow with age for quite a while.


Oh, I went cold and went through more women than most experience in a lifetime until I met my wife at age 20. I would have traded all the experience if she wouldn't have ridden off with that loser though.


----------



## Diana7

DownByTheRiver said:


> 35, though, even a well preserved one is when a lot of guys write you off as too old. I hope that number is getting higher, but unsure.


What does that say about them if they would write you off as too old?


----------



## ccpowerslave

DownButNotOut said:


> Yup. But a couple years later, you're that 18 year old and your options grow. Time is much friendlier to men that way ... their options grow with age for quite a while.


That gave me my best line, “I have a car, a job, and an apartment.”


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## DownByTheRiver

Diana7 said:


> What does that say about them if they would write you off as too old?


It says that their number one priority is their penis and making it stand up by looking at young smooth skin. 

I can understand thinking young people are prettier. I just can't understand how they can look at them and not think they look like babies. Hey even up through my thirties I dated some young guys and mostly never went out with a guy older than me at all, but by the time I was 50, younger guys just look like little babies to me. I think that's how you're supposed to be. Not leching after people young enough to be your kid.


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## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> What does that say about them if they would write you off as too old?


Not all. A good portion are thinking about kids and family.


----------



## sunshine741

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


Op, have you ever been to Italy? 
I’ve lived there for a year. I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing but men there seem to be less shallow than here in America. They appreciate woman of all ages!! And I’ve noticed older women getting lots of compliments, even more than younger women. But then again, Italian women are elegant and have style. I had Italian friends on Facebook who were older than me (I’m 34) and they received lots of compliments and likes. So I believe in Italy you don’t feel like there’s competition with younger women. All women are beautiful and admired there. I hope this helps


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## Diana7

Cici1990 said:


> Seeing older men with much younger women is really common where I am and I’d say a lot of these couples I see or know of have young kids. It’s so commonplace that when me and my dad go out together many people have automatically assumed that I’m his much younger girlfriend. I personally know several women in their late 20s-mid 30s who have young kids with men who are 50+. I have one friend who married a 50 year old man when she was 26. He died suddenly 3 years later and now she’s dating a man who is a few years younger than her because she doesn’t want to outlive another spouse.


Are these much older men where you live rich by any chance?


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## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> Not all. A good portion are thinking about kids and family.


That's not a problem with a 35 year old though.


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## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> That's not a problem with a 35 year old though.


Not with some but on average, it is. That's just data and not my personal opinion at all.


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## Cici1990

Diana7 said:


> Are these much older men where you live rich by any chance?


Yes. Not filthy rich but wealthy, definitely wealthier and way more established than most of the younger guys. Of the couples I actually know (not really close to them, but sort of associate with), they do actually seem to like each other but I don’t think there’s any pretense about the women loving the money and the men loving the hot young arm candy. A few of the younger women are just like “normal” women though, young and pretty but seem down to earth and not like the golddigger type.


----------



## Diana7

DownByTheRiver said:


> It says that their number one priority is their penis and making it stand up by looking at young smooth skin.
> 
> I can understand thinking young people are prettier. I just can't understand how they can look at them and not think they look like babies. Hey even up through my thirties I dated some young guys and mostly never went out with a guy older than me at all, but by the time I was 50, younger guys just look like little babies to me. I think that's how you're supposed to be. Not leching after people young enough to be your kid.


Yes I get you. I look at young doctors and policemen and women and I think, you are just a child. 
Nor was I ever interested in a father figure. A lady I know was on OLD(not tinder or similar) in her 30's and was getting guys well into their 50s messaging her. Needless to say she didnt reply.


----------



## Diana7

Cici1990 said:


> Yes. Not filthy rich but wealthy, definitely wealthier and way more established than most of the younger guys. Of the couples I actually know (not really close to them, but sort of associate with), they do actually seem to like each other but I don’t think there’s any pretense about the women loving the money and the men loving the hot young arm candy. A few of the younger women are just like “normal” women though, young and pretty but seem down to earth and not like the golddigger type.


yes its interesting how many of these older guys with women half their age are rich. I bet if they didnt have much few or none of these women would be interested.


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## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> Not with some but on average, it is. That's just data and not my personal opinion at all.


I guess I just know quite a lot of women who had children in their late 30's and early 40's. Its pretty common these days.


----------



## TexasMom1216

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


I know how you feel. Getting older snuck up on me. I turned around and suddenly... it's over. I don't feel old. I don't feel like my life should be done. But it is. It's really hard to deal with, and the very LAST people to talk to about it is men. It's especially hard when you were a pretty woman when you were young. Lots of older men were interested, I wasn't. I picked someone younger than me. Those older men then were just like these men on here: they didn't even recognize that I was a person. I was a piece, and as soon as I hit 40 they'd be gone like a shot because they're only interested in the outside of women. They don't care what kind of person she is, if she's kind, or smart, or funny, or strong. 

Kind of makes you wonder what the overall plan was, if there ever was one. Why do women live past 30, it doesn't make any sense. It would be easier if our life spans were shorter. I know these men on here would prefer it.


----------



## Divinely Favored

Girl_power said:


> It’s just a hard age for me to be at. I am loving my life, my job, I make good money and I can have great sex, and enjoy my hobbies, but I know I want kids and I have to settle down soon. I just have a hard time finding someone to spend the rest of my life with.
> Even though my ex and I were only together for a couple months, he was the first person after my ex H I thought I could love. And he leaves me for a 26 year old. And I know it was My age that bothered him.


When i was 23 i was practically living with a 34 yr old but she was not into LTR. I was the froggy one.


----------



## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> I guess I just know quite a lot of women who had children in their late 30's and early 40's. Its pretty common these days.


I'm aware and I'm also aware that past 35 it gets increasingly risky in general. That's just biology.

I also know incredibly obese women with hot guys but that's not generally the case.


----------



## ConanHub

TexasMom1216 said:


> I know how you feel. Getting older snuck up on me. I turned around and suddenly... it's over. I don't feel old. I don't feel like my life should be done. But it is. It's really hard to deal with, and the very LAST people to talk to about it is men. It's especially hard when you were a pretty woman when you were young. Lots of older men were interested, I wasn't. I picked someone younger than me. Those older men then were just like these men on here: they didn't even recognize that I was a person. I was a piece, and as soon as I hit 40 they'd be gone like a shot because they're only interested in the outside of women. They don't care what kind of person she is, if she's kind, or smart, or funny, or strong.
> 
> Kind of makes you wonder what the overall plan was, if there ever was one. Why do women live past 30, it doesn't make any sense. It would be easier if our life spans were shorter. I know these men on here would prefer it.


Well I certainly wouldn't prefer it! LoL!

I relate actual data but I met my 31 year old single mom girlfriend when I was 20 and we had my only biological child together when she was 35 and now she is 61 and I am 50 and we are still going at it.😉

We are not the general rule though.


----------



## TexasMom1216

ConanHub said:


> Well I certainly wouldn't prefer it! LoL!
> 
> I relate actual data but I met my 31 year old single mom girlfriend when I was 20 and we had my only biological child together when she was 35 and now she is 61 and I am 50 and we are still going at it.😉
> 
> We are not the general rule though.


I am now her biggest fan, because she hit that sexual zenith women see at 47 when you were at a really nice age for it. 😉 She's a boss.


----------



## ConanHub

TexasMom1216 said:


> I am now her biggest fan, because she hit that sexual zenith women see at 47 when you were at a really nice age for it. 😉 She's a boss.


I think I might have worn her out early.😋

Seriously though, we have been happy.


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> I gotta admit to feeling a little hopeless when a girl I fell in love with, climbed on with a guy who was 26 when we were 16. Rough times.


Awwww, like the cute kid and the babysitter in Crazy, Stupid Love! I usually hate rom coms, but I have a soft spot for that movie even though it's totally unrealistic.


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> Awwww, like the cute kid and the babysitter in Crazy, Stupid Love! I usually hate rom coms, but I have a soft spot for that movie even though it's totally unrealistic.


We were both 16 and her situation wasn't good at home, neither was mine, and she married a 26 year old idiot and realized she made a mistake a couple years later but I don't mess with married women no matter how much I love them.

It literally broke my heart and sent me down a dark path that got interrupted by Mrs. Conan fortunately.😉


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> We were both 16 and her situation wasn't good at home, neither was mine, and she married a 26 year old idiot and realized she made a mistake a couple years later but I don't mess with married women no matter how much I love them.
> 
> It literally broke my heart and sent me down a dark path that got interrupted by Mrs. Conan fortunately.😉


My bad, I thought it was Mrs. Conan and you guys had your happy ending. I'm glad you found her too!

I enjoy reading people's succes stories, it gives us plebs hope.


----------



## heartsbeating




----------



## NorthernGuard

DownByTheRiver said:


> 9 years isn't that bad, but it does depend on how young you both were. If she's 19 and you're 28, that's quite a maturity gap. If you're 39 and she's 29, not so much. My father was 9 years older than my mother, but he was verrrrrry immature his whole life. Not sure, of course, what they were like when they met, but they didn't meet when they were both young. My dad was still trying to get with young girls as he lay in the nursing home at 93.


I'm 12 years younger than my husband. We got together when I was 19 and he was 31. Been together for 31 years now. I will say though, that I was mature for my age and had a pretty good head on my shoulders. I worked and had responsibilities from a fairly young age and just wasn't much into the typical teenage drama for long. I used to have a hard time relating to the craziness and immaturity of some of my girlfriends (and their boyfriends) back then.


----------



## Lovelorn_soul

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


@Girl_power It is sad that you feel this way.But things get better with time, not miraculously great but you learn to live with them. What I am going to say is something terribly hard to bring in practice, but you can give it a try.

Maybe, stay away from social media for a bit especially since you're in a vulnerable state.Or make use of social media by taking inspiration for working on yourself, that's something I've been doing since after my separation. There were days when I thought life was worthless, but I thought of my parents and went on to take the pain and crying in private. I took some very difficult decisions, going back to studies and taking up regular exercise. And now after 2 months into my new routine I wake up with a little something to do for the day.I wouldn't say the pain is over (far from it) but these things keep me going.
I shared my own experience to provide you with a different perspective if you'd like. I've turned 34 as well and in Indian society that's considered to be old. But I look a lot younger due to the routines I've adopted my whole life and when I say the best thing you can do is....invest in yourself with time and self care.You wouldn't feel age is a problem then as life is not a competition.Embrace it and there will be someone who will love you and want you forever by their side just for being you.But YOU will have to the one to do that to yourself first, even if you're at your most unlovable.

Once you do that you'll see things differently, give it some time sweetheart.I really hope you get through this pain.


----------



## Divinely Favored

Diana7 said:


> I guess I just know quite a lot of women who had children in their late 30's and early 40's. Its pretty common these days.


My wife had our youngest at 38.


----------



## northernlights

Actually, the research that female fertility plunges sharply at 35 was poorly planned and executed, and is just wrong. Egg quality declines with age, as does sperm quality, so both sexes have some element of a ticking clock.


----------



## Goobertron

I try to avoid "influencers" and social media and most advertising completely. It's no good for anyone psychologically. As Freud said the only person we should ever compare ourselves to it is ourselves in the past. I'm a single/long term divorced guy in my late forties. I've found it's hard to successfully get into a relationship with a woman my age, they're more selective, like things a certain way and won't change for a man. I've had more interest from women younger than me than women older than me.


----------



## drencrom

Girl_power said:


> 35


My god, you're a fetus!!!


----------



## northernlights

Hulu has the golden girls, watch a few seasons of that. Was Betty White past her peak at 65? HELL NO!! She was gorgeous then and she still is at nearly 100. But far more important than her looks is the fact that she's an incredible human being living an amazing life that brings the world joy. So spend your time following her career and I think you'll find that your mindset will shift. You're the one imprisoning yourself in this place and you can get yourself free.


----------



## 2&out

Didn't read all. By younger does that mean under the standard 1/2 of age plus 7 years standard ?


----------



## LisaDiane

Girl_power said:


> I don’t disagree but I’m still mad and bitter about it and I don’t know why…. I lied I do know why. It’s bc I rarely find a guy I like. And I really liked him, and I wanted it to work out. So that’s why I’m bitter, and jealous and crabby. Even though, I know they won’t work out I mean they aren’t even compatible. But I think I’m more annoyed that we didn’t work out. Im crabby because I’m not happy with my love life. And for some reason obsessing over their relationship helps distract me or something. Ahhh


You are still so young and have so much life ahead of you, I hate to see you waste any of it on a person like him.

What you need to realize is that the guy you really liked doesn't exist. That's the reason you liked him - he was pretending to be what you wanted...probably to feed his own insecurities, which is another reason he is a bad partner for anyone.

What I've tried to do as I've navigated the unhappy landscape of my life for the past (too many) months is to find something to be happy about every day, no matter what it is! I try to think positively and notice all the little things that are exciting, and that makes me smile alot, and it's just impossible to feel bad if you are smiling!!

I'm sure you have SO many options, you just might be missing them because you are focused on your bitterness and regret right now...so take your focus off of that and notice the things that you enjoy and that give you hope!


----------



## In Absentia

I'm jealous of younger men!


----------



## In Absentia

drencrom said:


> My god, you're a fetus!!!


That must be the best compliment ever...


----------



## pastasauce79

ConanHub said:


> Well I certainly wouldn't prefer it! LoL!
> 
> I relate actual data but I met my 31 year old single mom girlfriend when I was 20 and we had my only biological child together when she was 35 and now she is 61 and I am 50 and we are still going at it.😉
> 
> We are not the general rule though.


I'm curious, back then, what did your friends and family thought about you marrying someone 11 years older than you?

I feel we live according to our societal expectations, and when you go outside the box, it can get ugly. 

I got engaged 5 months after meeting my husband. I was living in a different country and no one in my family knew him. I felt I dropped a bomb on them. I'm glad my guilt didn't stop me from marrying him. 

You marrying someone older is the exception of the rule. Most people won't even give it a chance to someone 10 years older or younger than themselves.

I'm curious what did you find in your wife than you couldn't find in a younger woman?


----------



## DownButNotOut

northernlights said:


> Actually, the research that female fertility plunges sharply at 35 was poorly planned and executed, and is just wrong. Egg quality declines with age, as does sperm quality, so both sexes have some element of a ticking clock.


I'd be interested in reading that research. It goes against all the literature I've read. Do you have any links?

My understanding is that the chance to conceive does diminish rapidly beginning around age 35. From a 15-20% chance per cycle at 35 to around 5% per cycle by age 40. But that's not the whole story as it also comes with increased chances for miscarriage, chromosomal abnormalities (such as Downs), and other complications. I'm pretty sure that any pregnancy post-35 is classified by ob/gyn's as high risk. If that's not the case, I'd love to see the research around it.

For men the drop-off age seems to be around 40 for affecting conception chances, and miscarriage probabilities. The double whammy is that yes men tend to date younger women, so a 35 year old woman with a 40-45 year old man is double affected when trying to conceive. Again, that's my understanding from the literature I've read.


----------



## northernlights

It is time to reassess our obsession with women’s fertility and the number 35 | Arwa Mahdawi


A study extending women’s reproductive years offers a chance to look again at how the age of 35 has been treated as a fertility cliff




www.theguardian.com





I know it's the guardian, but it does link to some good research!


----------



## Diana7

pastasauce79 said:


> I'm curious, back then, what did your friends and family thought about you marrying someone 11 years older than you?
> 
> I feel we live according to our societal expectations, and when you go outside the box, it can get ugly.
> 
> I got engaged 5 months after meeting my husband. I was living in a different country and no one in my family knew him. I felt I dropped a bomb on them. I'm glad my guilt didn't stop me from marrying him.
> 
> You marrying someone older is the exception of the rule. Most people won't even give it a chance to someone 10 years older or younger than themselves.
> 
> I'm curious what did you find in your wife than you couldn't find in a younger woman?


We also got engaged within a few months and married after 9. People probably thought we were crazy but when you know you know.


----------



## DownButNotOut

northernlights said:


> It is time to reassess our obsession with women’s fertility and the number 35 | Arwa Mahdawi
> 
> 
> A study extending women’s reproductive years offers a chance to look again at how the age of 35 has been treated as a fertility cliff
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.theguardian.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I know it's the guardian, but it does link to some good research!


"Week in patriarchy" -- not the most unbiased of places.

However, if you read the article, the actual numbers presented agree with what I posted. Cliff? No. Steady decline? Absolutely.

That's what I find sad. Young women aren't being told this, or aren't thinking about it when it matters. Women who want families are better served dating with intention in their 20's. There's time then to vet a few men for husband/father qualities and still have plenty of time to start the family. By 35, time is quickly running out, and she doesn't have the luxury of sifting through a few potential men. Any potential man at that point has to be 'the one' in quick order. It isn't a comfortable position to be in. I hope for the best for women in that situation.


----------



## northernlights

Yeah, but the rate of that steady decline is much shallower than it's been painted. One study published in 2004 that looked at 770 European women found that, with sex at least twice a week, 78% of women aged 35 to 40 conceived within a year, compared with 84% of women aged 20 to 34.

That's not a huge difference.


----------



## DownButNotOut

northernlights said:


> Yeah, but the rate of that steady decline is much shallower than it's been painted. One study published in 2004 that looked at 770 European women found that, with sex at least twice a week, 78% of women aged 35 to 40 conceived within a year, compared with 84% of women aged 20 to 34.
> 
> That's not a huge difference.


Given the decline during that time frame, it's an odd way of looking at it. That 78% number is very front loaded. By age 40, the chance to conceive is down to 5%/cycle, or 40-50% within 12 months. That is a very steep decline. Even your article admits that the decline accelerates rapidly after age 37.1. Age 20-34 is also an odd way of breaking it up. A woman's chance of conceiving is highest under 25. Other considerations. Under 25, the chance of miscarriage is around 10%. By age 40, that chance is up to 40%. 

The real challenge is time. At 35, how much time do you have? How long can you afford to look for suitable man? How much time to vet that he's actually the right one? Will you want married first? How long from meeting him until the wedding day will you have? How long after marriage until you really try? The wedding night? Even the 78% number means that in any one month only 15 out of every 100 women in that age range who try are successful at conceiving. The closer to 40, the longer the odds and the higher the risks. I'm not saying it's not possible. Of course it is. Many women manage it. Many also do not. Fertility treatments exist to increase the odds. But unlike a 25 year old woman, time is not on a 35 year old's side, and each setback carries that much more weight.


----------



## ConanHub

pastasauce79 said:


> I'm curious, back then, what did your friends and family thought about you marrying someone 11 years older than you?
> 
> I feel we live according to our societal expectations, and when you go outside the box, it can get ugly.
> 
> I got engaged 5 months after meeting my husband. I was living in a different country and no one in my family knew him. I felt I dropped a bomb on them. I'm glad my guilt didn't stop me from marrying him.
> 
> You marrying someone older is the exception of the rule. Most people won't even give it a chance to someone 10 years older or younger than themselves.
> 
> I'm curious what did you find in your wife than you couldn't find in a younger woman?


Good questions and points.
My friends and family initially thought I was just having some recreational fun with her.

When I wouldn't leave her side for a full week and no one saw me, they started to wonder.

When I made my intentions clear, I got a lot of blowback from my friends. They had concerns for both of us. I actually remember a pointed conversation where one friend asked what I was thinking because some of the women I could attract were what he perceived as top tier and Mrs. C didn't measure up. My friends were also concerned for her, that I would hurt her because I was a womanizer and wild.

I had one friend try and seduce her to break us up and I had some extra women trying to get in my pants that were on a mission to break us up. I know a cousin was involved in my set up and I suspect at least one friend's involvement as well.

My mother and grandparents stayed aloof about it.

My mom voiced serious concerns when we moved in together and my grandmother cautioned Mrs. C at one point but they otherwise left us alone. 

Our relationship did disrupt a lot of relationships and it made a lot of people mad on both sides, especially her family.

After our son was born, my family had no more concerns and welcomed her as their own. She had also shown herself good for me and convinced them.

Her family hated me for decades. Lol!

I did lose some friends over it but the rest came to believe I had done better in the wife department than any of them.

We obviously had some serious opposition but we had to make it work because God's finger was on us so to speak.😊


As to the women my age.... A lot of them were nice ladies but none of them knew what it took to get a hold of me and not let go.

I don't put it all on them. I had a lot of growing to do and, if I had been more mature, I could have made a solid go with several of them.

Mrs. C was not into any game playing and she took the opportunity to get what she wanted from me (initially she was just having recreational sex with me) and when she started falling for me, we had an adult conversation about our future.

She held nothing of herself back and held on through a couple of rough years.

I was immediately smitten when I saw her which gave her an opening many of the girls my age didn't get either.

I had many offers at the time but I didn't give them the chance that Mrs. C got.

Part of it seemed like fate (though I don't really ascribe to it) and the rest was hard work and perseverance on her part that the younger women couldn't really compete with.

I also had a bit of an unattractive reputation that many people, not just young women, were wary of.

I was a bit of an uncertain quantity. When everyone saw I could be had by a woman, girls my age came out of the woodwork.

I usually took my female companionship from outside the local pool.


----------



## Divinely Favored

DownButNotOut said:


> Yup. But a couple years later, you're that 18 year old and your options grow. Time is much friendlier to men that way ... their options grow with age for quite a while.


Not when you are the nice guy looking for LTR with the older women while they are playing the field with the assholes. By the time they are finished with their fun time boys and ready to think LTR with a good guy....im like, "Ehh. No! Thanks but no thanks. I have seen the train you have been riding and missy...not only are we not at the same station...we are not on the same line anymore. Carry on and have fun with that". 😁


----------



## Cindywife

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


Keep off of social media that makes you feel bad. I know that seems like an obvious solution but one you can do.


----------



## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> Good questions and points.
> My friends and family initially thought I was just having some recreational fun with her.
> 
> When I wouldn't leave her side for a full week and no one saw me, they started to wonder.
> 
> When I made my intentions clear, I got a lot of blowback from my friends. They had concerns for both of us. I actually remember a pointed conversation where one friend asked what I was thinking because some of the women I could attract were what he perceived as top tier and Mrs. C didn't measure up. My friends were also concerned for her, that I would hurt her because I was a womanizer and wild.
> 
> I had one friend try and seduce her to break us up and I had some extra women trying to get in my pants that were on a mission to break us up. I know a cousin was involved in my set up and I suspect at least one friend's involvement as well.
> 
> My mother and grandparents stayed aloof about it.
> 
> My mom voiced serious concerns when we moved in together and my grandmother cautioned Mrs. C at one point but they otherwise left us alone.
> 
> Our relationship did disrupt a lot of relationships and it made a lot of people mad on both sides, especially her family.
> 
> After our son was born, my family had no more concerns and welcomed her as their own. She had also shown herself good for me and convinced them.
> 
> Her family hated me for decades. Lol!
> 
> I did lose some friends over it but the rest came to believe I had done better in the wife department than any of them.
> 
> We obviously had some serious opposition but we had to make it work because God's finger was on us so to speak.😊
> 
> 
> As to the women my age.... A lot of them were nice ladies but none of them knew what it took to get a hold of me and not let go.
> 
> I don't put it all on them. I had a lot of growing to do and, if I had been more mature, I could have made a solid go with several of them.
> 
> Mrs. C was not into any game playing and she took the opportunity to get what she wanted from me (initially she was just having recreational sex with me) and when she started falling for me, we had an adult conversation about our future.
> 
> She held nothing of herself back and held on through a couple of rough years.
> 
> I was immediately smitten when I saw her which gave her an opening many of the girls my age didn't get either.
> 
> I had many offers at the time but I didn't give them the chance that Mrs. C got.
> 
> Part of it seemed like fate (though I don't really ascribe to it) and the rest was hard work and perseverance on her part that the younger women couldn't really compete with.
> 
> I also had a bit of an unattractive reputation that many people, not just young women, were wary of.
> 
> I was a bit of an uncertain quantity. When everyone saw I could be had by a woman, girls my age came out of the woodwork.
> 
> I usually took my female companionship from outside the local pool.


I expect you heard of the Christian Bible teacher Derek Prince? He married his first wife when he was in his early 20's and she was 25 years older than him. He knew God led him to marry her and they remained married till she died age about 69-70 I think.


----------



## Mybabysgotit

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


As I age, I find myself more attracted to older women, and to be honest, even chubbier women i'm attracted to more than skinnier women. Although I might find a younger woman attractive, I just don't have that "want" for them like I did when I was younger. When I do fantasize, it's almost always over older, mature women. My wife thinks like you, that all men fantasize about younger, skinnier model type women. She doesn't believe me when I tell her the opposite. I don't know if I am the "exception" or not. Maybe it's because I have an almost 30 year old daughter that I find it kind of disgusting to sleep with a 20 something. 

Like a lot of things society pounds into our brains, some things aren't true.


----------



## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> I expect you heard of the Christian Bible teacher Derek Prince? He married his first wife when he was in his early 20's and she was 25 years older than him. He knew God led him to marry her and they remained married till she died age about 69-70 I think.


Had to look him up actually.


----------



## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> Had to look him up actually.


He was a great Bible teacher.


----------



## Enigma32

To get back the what I think was the point of this post, @Girl_power, I'll give you the advice I live by when it comes to this sort of thing. If someone isn't into you for whatever reason, drop them from your radar 100%. You don't need to appeal to everyone. Sure, some guys prefer younger ladies and some guys might even need younger ladies but those guys no longer matter to you since you aren't what they are looking for. Just focus on the men that will like you because I am sure there will be plenty of them.


----------



## pastasauce79

ConanHub said:


> Good questions and points.
> My friends and family initially thought I was just having some recreational fun with her.
> 
> When I wouldn't leave her side for a full week and no one saw me, they started to wonder.
> 
> When I made my intentions clear, I got a lot of blowback from my friends. They had concerns for both of us. I actually remember a pointed conversation where one friend asked what I was thinking because some of the women I could attract were what he perceived as top tier and Mrs. C didn't measure up. My friends were also concerned for her, that I would hurt her because I was a womanizer and wild.
> 
> I had one friend try and seduce her to break us up and I had some extra women trying to get in my pants that were on a mission to break us up. I know a cousin was involved in my set up and I suspect at least one friend's involvement as well.
> 
> My mother and grandparents stayed aloof about it.
> 
> My mom voiced serious concerns when we moved in together and my grandmother cautioned Mrs. C at one point but they otherwise left us alone.
> 
> Our relationship did disrupt a lot of relationships and it made a lot of people mad on both sides, especially her family.
> 
> After our son was born, my family had no more concerns and welcomed her as their own. She had also shown herself good for me and convinced them.
> 
> Her family hated me for decades. Lol!
> 
> I did lose some friends over it but the rest came to believe I had done better in the wife department than any of them.
> 
> We obviously had some serious opposition but we had to make it work because God's finger was on us so to speak.😊
> 
> 
> As to the women my age.... A lot of them were nice ladies but none of them knew what it took to get a hold of me and not let go.
> 
> I don't put it all on them. I had a lot of growing to do and, if I had been more mature, I could have made a solid go with several of them.
> 
> Mrs. C was not into any game playing and she took the opportunity to get what she wanted from me (initially she was just having recreational sex with me) and when she started falling for me, we had an adult conversation about our future.
> 
> She held nothing of herself back and held on through a couple of rough years.
> 
> I was immediately smitten when I saw her which gave her an opening many of the girls my age didn't get either.
> 
> I had many offers at the time but I didn't give them the chance that Mrs. C got.
> 
> Part of it seemed like fate (though I don't really ascribe to it) and the rest was hard work and perseverance on her part that the younger women couldn't really compete with.
> 
> I also had a bit of an unattractive reputation that many people, not just young women, were wary of.
> 
> I was a bit of an uncertain quantity. When everyone saw I could be had by a woman, girls my age came out of the woodwork.
> 
> I usually took my female companionship from outside the local pool.


Wow! Your story is great!

I know a guy, in his late 30's, who's dating an older single mom and he is happy. It seems he finally found someone who makes him happy. Me and my bias though they weren't going to make it, but here they are, maybe a year later, still together. 

Looking back, I remember not wanting to date my husband. I felt intimidated by him. He was a little wild and he had a reputation as well. He is close to my age, but we come from different cultures and countries of origin. And I was sure my family would not have liked him. I avoided him until one day he showed up at my door. We've been together since then, with ups and downs, lost in translation sometimes. 

I hope GP can see older women are wanted by some younger men, and those men could be good looking, responsible, and serious about having a long term relationship with an older woman. Women also could be happy with much older men. It just depends on how open you are about giving them a chance. I wouldn't be married to my husband if I hadn't, reluctantly, given him a chance.


----------



## joannacroc

I consider myself young and I'm 40. There's a lid for every pot. We have heard on TAM about folks dating age appropriate women. My sister is going out with a slightly younger guy. I'm sure when you find someone who appreciates you it won't matter how old you are. (within reason) _hopeless romantic hat on_


----------



## Cindywife

joannacroc said:


> I consider myself young and I'm 40. There's a lid for every pot. We have heard on TAM about folks dating age appropriate women. My sister is going out with a slightly younger guy. I'm sure when you find someone who appreciates you it won't matter how old you are. (within reason) _hopeless romantic hat on_


Social media is very youth oriented. If you're over 30 spending too much time looking at women in their late teens and 20's wearing bathing suits would get any woman depressed. I think that's where the problem lies not in the OP's age.


----------



## Asterix

I just read your first post. I haven't read the whole thread yet, so I may have more to say down the road. 



Girl_power said:


> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.


I completely understand where you are coming from and I agree that it is very irksome. However, I'd disagree with you up to a certain extent on this point.

We keep hearing about all those actors in their 40's and 50's who are dating young actresses and models ('nardo deCaprio comes to my mind). We also hear about the cases where older men are dating or marrying younger women. But I think it is a bit of confirmation bias. For example take shark attacks or plane crashing or stabbings. We hear the news because they are covered by the news stations. But the likelihood of a person dying by a shark attacks is significantly smaller compared to having a heart attack, or diabetics. Since it's not as sensational to cover the news that someone died of these causes, the news stations do not report it. Similarly a couple with a significant age difference is something out of the norm and makes it news worthy. The thousands of next door joe blowes marrying women within their age range is life as it should be and hence not newsworthy. Similarly people don't talk about Daniel Craig's partner or Kiyanu(sp?) Reeves' partner. (If you are curious, please look them up.) And that's why I find the sensational news coverage of June/September couples irksome.

Now that being said, if a younger version of my wife appeared in front of me, took her cloths off and asked me what I'd like to do, then heck yeah, I'd be on her like the white on rice. 😀


----------



## SpinyNorman

DownButNotOut said:


> That's what I find sad. Young women aren't being told this, or aren't thinking about it when it matters. Women who want families are better served dating with intention in their 20's. There's time then to vet a few men for husband/father qualities and still have plenty of time to start the family. By 35, time is quickly running out, and she doesn't have the luxury of sifting through a few potential men. Any potential man at that point has to be 'the one' in quick order. It isn't a comfortable position to be in. I hope for the best for women in that situation.


I sometimes wonder if the historical model of older men w/ younger women was partly propped up by some men not wanting to be dads until they were older.

It seems to me a lot of men don't want to be a dad in their 20's, though obviously some do.

FTR, I don't have a horse in this race and I think the only obligation people have in mate seeking is to their prospective partner.


----------



## LisaDiane

joannacroc said:


> I consider myself young and I'm 40. There's a lid for every pot. We have heard on TAM about folks dating age appropriate women. My sister is going out with a slightly younger guy. I'm sure when you find someone who appreciates you it won't matter how old you are. (within reason) _hopeless romantic hat on_


Oh my, you ARE young!!!  I just turned 52, and I'm just ME...I feel about the same in my mind as I did when I was 25, so I try not to judge how I look, and just BE MYSELF. If someone likes ME, great...if they don't and want someone who looks better (younger, whatever), NO PROBLEM, move on!!

I will say I am typically attracted to older men, and my STBX is almost 8yrs older than me, and turned into an unrepentant Peter Pan...so now men in their 50s seem young and unreliable and not as attractive to me as men in their 60s who would really appreciate me.

And I'm not sure how many men around my age will be attracted to ME either, since many of them - even on TAM - say they only want women much younger than I am (which is ok, of course)...so I'm not going to limit my attraction based on age either.


----------



## Openminded

Men traditionally needed to be able to support a family so they often didn’t marry until they were well established and that could mean later in life. Women married young because their fertility was their primary asset. So among a segment of the population (primarily people with money but not always) a 45 year old man could very easily marry an 18 year old girl right out of the schoolroom (that was prime market age) and no one thought a thing about it. Money was traded for youth and that still happens.


----------



## farsidejunky

Girl_power said:


> It’s soooo pathetic!!!
> 
> I have this old dude in my building that has tried with me multiple times! He like do you have a boyfriend? And I’m like wtf what does that matter??? Your older than my dad. Like literally that question is irrelevant.
> This. Will. Never. Happen. Even if your my last chance at a man. I would rather be with a women hahaha.


Disclaimer: I do think younger women are attractive, but not necessarily more attractive, and I have no interest is trying to date one should I ever find myself single again. 

Using the word pathetic is where I have to urge caution. 

Some women prefer to never date a man under 6' tall. I can call that pathetic until the cows come home, but what it really comes down to is it hurts to be unqualified (with my 5'7" self) for meeting that desire.

We all have things we find attractive and unattractive. But let's not conflate what is happening here, which is hurt with a helping of envy. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## farsidejunky

Girl_power said:


> And the other thing is, my ex is a high school teacher. And as soon as his students graduate, he becomes friends with them on Instagram… the girls. And he’s super creepy to me. So his Instagram is filled with super super young girls.


He is grooming them. Definitely a creeper. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## farsidejunky

Girl_power said:


> I don’t disagree but I’m still mad and bitter about it and I don’t know why…. I lied I do know why. It’s bc I rarely find a guy I like. And I really liked him, and I wanted it to work out. So that’s why I’m bitter, and jealous and crabby. Even though, I know they won’t work out I mean they aren’t even compatible. But I think I’m more annoyed that we didn’t work out. Im crabby because I’m not happy with my love life. And for some reason obsessing over their relationship helps distract me or something. Ahhh


You are pain shopping. 

It's hard to avoid, and never helps. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Asterix

SpinyNorman said:


> I sometimes wonder if the historical model of older men w/ younger women was partly propped up by some men not wanting to be dads until they were older.
> 
> It seems to me a lot of men don't want to be a dad in their 20's, though obviously some do.
> 
> FTR, I don't have a horse in this race and I think the only obligation people have in mate seeking is to their prospective partner.


There could be many reasons of course. I think in a lot of cases, it is prudent for men not to be dads till they are in their 30's. In their 20's it's time to establish themselves and explore the world. In a lot of cases, the income is quite erratic and living situation not quite stable for guys in their 20's and that's not a easy situation to bring a child into this world and to care for that child. 

As someone mentioned it here earlier, In their 30's woman do not have a whole lot of time to go through the stages of dating with the intention of getting married. It would take at least six months to a year to start getting a feel for the person. And if things don't work out then it's back to the square one again. 

So, I think there could be other reasons why some men not wanting to be dads until they were older. However this still does not explain situation where say, a 45 year old marrying a 25 year old woman.


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## Divinely Favored

Asterix said:


> There could be many reasons of course. I think in a lot of cases, it is prudent for men not to be dads till they are in their 30's. In their 20's it's time to establish themselves and explore the world. In a lot of cases, the income is quite erratic and living situation not quite stable for guys in their 20's and that's not a easy situation to bring a child into this world and to care for that child.
> 
> As someone mentioned it here earlier, In their 30's woman do not have a whole lot of time to go through the stages of dating with the intention of getting married. It would take at least six months to a year to start getting a feel for the person. And if things don't work out then it's back to the square one again.
> 
> So, I think there could be other reasons why some men not wanting to be dads until they were older. However this still does not explain situation where say, a 45 year old marrying a 25 year old woman.


Could be he wants kids and found out his are not really his. I could see dropping a cheating ex and having kids with newer model. Hell i would get a newer model as a big FU to the ex.


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## Enigma32

Divinely Favored said:


> Could be he wants kids and found out his are not really his. I could see dropping a cheating ex and having kids with newer model. Hell i would get a newer model as a big FU to the ex.


Do it as a big FU to everyone who wants to dictate who a man is allowed to date. My GF is 10 years younger and people have made comments about it.


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## ConanHub

farsidejunky said:


> Disclaimer: I do think younger women are attractive, but not necessarily more attractive, and I have no interest is trying to date one should I ever find myself single again.
> 
> Using the word pathetic is where I have to urge caution.
> 
> Some women prefer to never date a man under 6' tall. I can call that pathetic until the cows come home, but what it really comes down to is it hurts to be unqualified (with my 5'7" self) for meeting that desire.
> 
> We all have things we find attractive and unattractive. But let's not conflate what is happening here, which is hurt with a helping of envy.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


I'm in between on this. I get your analogy but I understood, and pretty much agreed with her sentiment.

It's got me reconsidering though. I do think a man hitting on any woman, over and over again, who has obviously turned him down and obviously doesn't like that attention from him might warrant the description regardless of age discrepancy.

It does have me thinking and maybe I don't think just making a pass to begin with should warrant thinking they're pathetic.


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## SpinyNorman

Asterix said:


> There could be many reasons of course. I think in a lot of cases, it is prudent for men not to be dads till they are in their 30's. In their 20's it's time to establish themselves and explore the world. In a lot of cases, the income is quite erratic and living situation not quite stable for guys in their 20's and that's not a easy situation to bring a child into this world and to care for that child.
> 
> As someone mentioned it here earlier, In their 30's woman do not have a whole lot of time to go through the stages of dating with the intention of getting married. It would take at least six months to a year to start getting a feel for the person. And if things don't work out then it's back to the square one again.
> 
> So, I think there could be other reasons why some men not wanting to be dads until they were older. However this still does not explain situation where say, a 45 year old marrying a 25 year old woman.


Sure, there are/were lots of reasons and they probably varied from couple to couple.


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## C.C. says ...

Men have the advantage here. Sure, in high school and up until about 25- mayyybe 30 women might have the edge. But once those youthful looks fade, men are the ones on top. They can bag 25 year olds at 50 and 60 and no one bats an eye. Let a woman try to do that and they’re called desperate and cougars. Enjoy your youth ladies, men will always have the upper hand after that. (IMO)


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## SpinyNorman

farsidejunky said:


> Some women prefer to never date a man under 6' tall.





Enigma32 said:


> Do it as a big FU to everyone who wants to dictate who a man is allowed to date. My GF is 10 years younger and people have made comments about it.


When you choose a mate your only obligation is to that mate, don't take advantage of, or mislead your mate. As for whether it's good for the rest of society, that isn't your problem.

Of course if you're being superficial, you may well be dismissing good mates which is your problem, but you're free to create problems for yourself. Whether you're taking advantage of your mate is highly subjective and it's up to you to wrestle with. You shouldn't have a relationship just to piss off anyone else, but I am guessing the relationship isn't really *just* about that.


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## Diana7

C.C. says ... said:


> Men have the advantage here. Sure, in high school and up until about 25- mayyybe 30 women might have the edge. But once those youthful looks fade, men are the ones on top. They can bag 25 year olds at 50 and 60 and no one bats an eye. Let a woman try to do that and they’re called desperate and cougars. Enjoy your youth ladies, men will always have the upper hand after that. (IMO)


To be fair, very few 25 year olds would look twice at a man in his 50's unless he was rich or famous. As for in their 60's, why would anyone want a partner of their grandfathers age?


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## Diana7

Enigma32 said:


> Do it as a big FU to everyone who wants to dictate who a man is allowed to date. My GF is 10 years younger and people have made comments about it.


10 years often isn't that noticeable depending on the couple. Maybe if one is 15 and one 25 then yes, but otherwise no.


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## Numb26

Diana7 said:


> 10 years often isn't that noticeable depending on the couple. Maybe if one is 15 and one 25 then yes, but otherwise no.


How about 21? 🤣🤣🤣


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## ConanHub

C.C. says ... said:


> Men have the advantage here. Sure, in high school and up until about 25- mayyybe 30 women might have the edge. But once those youthful looks fade, men are the ones on top. They can bag 25 year olds at 50 and 60 and no one bats an eye. Let a woman try to do that and they’re called desperate and cougars. Enjoy your youth ladies, men will always have the upper hand after that. (IMO)


I have seen it somewhat more accepted but I look twice or three times at a much older man with a woman between the age of 20-30.

A hunky and accomplished guy in his 40's? Sure, I'm not overly surprised but 50's? It's getting pretty iffy....

60's??!!?? I'm thinking he better be Chuck Norris or it's just a Hugh Hefner bunny situation and I'm gagging.🤢🤮


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## C.C. says ...

C.C. says ... said:


> (IMO)


I said what I said. 🤷‍♀️


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## ConanHub

C.C. says ... said:


> I said what I said. 🤷‍♀️


Makes for good conversation topic.


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## LisaDiane

C.C. says ... said:


> Men have the advantage here. Sure, in high school and up until about 25- mayyybe 30 women might have the edge. But once those youthful looks fade, men are the ones on top. They can bag 25 year olds at 50 and 60 and no one bats an eye. Let a woman try to do that and they’re called desperate and cougars. Enjoy your youth ladies, men will always have the upper hand after that. (IMO)


But that's only true if superficial looks are the thing you value most...and look at how many beautiful women get dumped or cheated on or taken advantage of...I don't see that those women have the upper hand with the men they love!!

What is an "upper hand" anyway...? More power of choice? Or do you mean, all the power in a relationship?
I'm really asking, because I'm not ever going to be looking to gain any upper hand with a partner, nor will I mind if he has it with me, because that's just an illusion - I don't want a man who doesn't want ME...so the "upper hand" for any guy like that just doesn't exist, because he won't appeal to me at all.


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## ConanHub

C.C. says ... said:


> Men have the advantage here. Sure, in high school and up until about 25- mayyybe 30 women might have the edge. But once those youthful looks fade, men are the ones on top. They can bag 25 year olds at 50 and 60 and no one bats an eye. Let a woman try to do that and they’re called desperate and cougars. Enjoy your youth ladies, men will always have the upper hand after that. (IMO)


In general, I would tend to agree with this but I'm batting an eye at more than a 20 year age gap though I have seen much older, successful and/or really good looking men casually date much younger a lot. I think it works more for recreation than for life though.


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## lifeistooshort

Enigma32 said:


> Do it as a big FU to everyone who wants to dictate who a man is allowed to date. My GF is 10 years younger and people have made comments about it.


That's weird to me. I don't see 10 years as a big deal, though I don't think too much more is a great idea because then you get into generational differences. My bf is 8 1/2 years older and we've never had comments. 

I do think it depends on the relative ages of those involved. 10 years means less and less the older you get.....20 and 30 is very different then 40 and 50. But I'm pretty sure you two aren't 20 and 30.

My ex's father married a 68 year old lady when he was 80 (they were both widowed). They were married until he died last March at 92. I still talk to the wife and she loved him and misses him.


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## lifeistooshort

ConanHub said:


> I have seen it somewhat more accepted but I look twice or three times at a much older man with a woman between the age of 20-30.
> 
> A hunky and accomplished guy in his 40's? Sure, I'm not overly surprised but 50's? It's getting pretty iffy....
> 
> 60's??!!?? I'm thinking he better be Chuck Norris or it's just a Hugh Hefner bunny situation and I'm gagging.🤢🤮



I think this idea that a 50 something can "bag" a 25 year old is something of an illusion. 

You really have to define what it means to "bag" someone. Typically someone looking for much younger has to pay for it, and even then you're paying for someone to put up with you as you can't buy companionship or connection. Those things come I large part through shared experience which you can't have with a huge age gap.

Of course a well preserved 50 something has a better chance then someone busted up, but most young people prefer the company of other young people. 

And the well preserved thing doesn't apply to only men...well preserved 50 something year old women can find younger men as many guys here know 🙂

It's economic power that facilitates these huge age differences and traditionally it was men who had that. But if you look at women who had money they had no trouble getting boy toys to put up with them for the money.

So this has nothing to do with men somehow having this magical upper hand because they're so much better then comparably aged and preserved women. They don't.....money talks.


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## ConanHub

lifeistooshort said:


> I think this idea that a 50 something can "bag" a 25 year old is something of an illusion.
> 
> You really have to define what it means to "bag" someone. Typically someone looking for much younger has to pay for it, and even then you're paying for someone to put up with you as you can't buy companionship or connection. Those things come I large part through shared experience which you can't have with a huge age gap.
> 
> Of course a well preserved 50 something has a better chance then someone busted up, but most young people prefer the company of other young people.
> 
> And the well preserved thing doesn't apply to only men...well preserved 50 something year old women can find younger men as many guys here know 🙂
> 
> It's economic power that facilitates these huge age differences and traditionally it was men who had that. But if you look at women who had money they had no trouble getting boy toys to put up with them for the money.
> 
> So this has nothing to do with men somehow having this magical upper hand because they're so much better then comparably aged and preserved women. They don't.....money talks.


The only upper hand I will concede, has to do with reproduction.

An older man (not 20 or more years older) is more likely to be financially ready to start a family.

Example: A guy who is between 35 and 40, accomplished and still healthy, can reasonably attract and start a family with a woman between 20-30. I absolutely agree that healthy women between 35 and 40 do attract younger men but usually not for starting a family. Though I still probably would have gone for Mrs. C had she been 35 instead of 31 when I met her.

Personally, I start to raise an eyebrow when the age gap is over 15 years and 20 seems excessive usually with guys like Mr. Norris being an exception that proves the rule.


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## ccpowerslave

Diana7 said:


> To be fair, very few 25 year olds would look twice at a man in his 50's unless he was rich or famous. As for in their 60's, why would anyone want a partner of their grandfathers age?


I’m not so sure.

I mean for men at or nearing their early 50s who have maintained their bodies and have achieved success in life I can see why any 25 year old young lady might say, “Wow these guys are just amazing! I would be so lucky to be able to have the attention of such distinguished and handsome gentlemen!”


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## Numb26

ccpowerslave said:


> I’m not so sure.
> 
> I mean for men at or nearing their early 50s who have maintained their bodies and have achieved success in life I can see why any 25 year old young lady might say, “Wow these guys are just amazing! I would be so lucky to be able to have the attention of such distinguished and handsome gentlemen!”


It has happened. 32 to my 51


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## DownByTheRiver

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


I think the way to look at these things is realize these are men you would need to filter out anyway. At least that way you're not wasting any time with them. They are not after a genuine relationship, just sex with a young body. They're not keepers. They are doing you a favor by being so transparent, and just realize all men are not like them and this makes it easier to find one like you need and would want.


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## LisaDiane

Numb26 said:


> It has happened. 32 to my 51


@TXTrini...I think I'm done entertaining the "I'm big and ugly" talk...


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## ConanHub

Numb26 said:


> It has happened. 32 to my 51


I think a 32 year old woman is a lot more capable of knowing what she wants in these cases as opposed to a 22 year old for the most part.


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## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> I think a 32 year old woman is a lot more capable of knowing what she wants in these cases as opposed to a 22 year old for the most part.


And to be fair, it is strictly a physical relationship


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## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> @TXTrini...I think I'm done entertaining the "I'm big and ugly" talk...


I have been feeling better about myself lately 😉


----------



## Diana7

ccpowerslave said:


> I’m not so sure.
> 
> I mean for men at or nearing their early 50s who have maintained their bodies and have achieved success in life I can see why any 25 year old young lady might say, “Wow these guys are just amazing! I would be so lucky to be able to have the attention of such distinguished and handsome gentlemen!”


I think that largely wishful thinking.


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## DownByTheRiver

Diana7 said:


> To be fair, very few 25 year olds would look twice at a man in his 50's unless he was rich or famous. As for in their 60's, why would anyone want a partner of their grandfathers age?


That's certainly true. Jeez, in my 20s, guys who were 30 seemed like my dad to me. I just had zero interest in aged men not of my own generation. I mean, men think keeping their body trim is the key, but it's not. The thing is young women can tell you're older because you don't speak the same language as they do, are struggling to pretend to be interested in what younger folks are, use outdated reference (like me on here). You men can't fool a 20-something into thinking you're still young like them. They're not looking for daddies -- except for the few looking for sugar daddies, and trust me, even those are seeing men their own age or close to it when they're not with you. But that sure is how to end up with a golddigger, looking for the young hot woman who could have her pick but chooses old guy with $$.


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## Asterix

C.C. says ... said:


> Men have the advantage here. Sure, in high school and up until about 25- mayyybe 30 women *might *have the edge.


Might?


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## ccpowerslave

DownByTheRiver said:


> I mean, men think keeping their body trim is the key, but it's not.


Dreams shattered…. 😭


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## Numb26

ccpowerslave said:


> Dreams shattered…. 😭


Well, it doesn't hurt. 🤣🤣🤣


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## Diana7

DownByTheRiver said:


> That's certainly true. Jeez, in my 20s, guys who were 30 seemed like my dad to me. I just had zero interest in aged men not of my own generation. I mean, men think keeping their body trim is the key, but it's not. The thing is young women can tell you're older because you don't speak the same language as they do, are struggling to pretend to be interested in what younger folks are, use outdated reference (like me on here). You men can't fool a 20-something into thinking you're still young like them. They're not looking for daddies -- except for the few looking for sugar daddies, and trust me, even those are seeing men their own age or close to it when they're not with you. But that sure is how to end up with a golddigger, looking for the young hot woman who could have her pick but chooses old guy with $$.


I remember a lady I know who was in her late 20's then telling me that guys in their 40's and even 50's were contacting her on OLD. She thought it was creepy. I tend to agree.


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## DownByTheRiver

Diana7 said:


> I remember a lady I know who was in her late 20's then telling me that guys in their 40's and even 50's were contacting her on OLD. She thought it was creepy. I tend to agree.


I had a group of friends close in age to me in my 20s, and they hired this guy who was in his early 30s and married to take care of some business for them and that man and his wife would come around and hang out with our crowd, and they were super nice. Now, I was all of 27 at the time, and they were only maybe 6 years older, but they were old married mature people who acted nothing like the people in our slightly younger crowd, a couple of whom were also married. It is just that maturity and living life on a different level that sticks out and marks an older person. And of course, it goes without saying that anyone with kids trying to date 20-somethings, there's just a gulf of maturity and priority differences, usually. There are exceptions to everything. Like women who had to grow up too fast because of having to be the caretaker in their family might be drawn to a more mature guy -- not that most of these old guys chasing young tail are any kind of mature or are looking for a mature serious young 20 year old, anything but. The old shows in one way or another.


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## DownByTheRiver

ConanHub said:


> I think a 32 year old woman is a lot more capable of knowing what she wants in these cases as opposed to a 22 year old for the most part.


Yes, and there isn't a maturity gulf usually between anyone in their 30s, especially who has either been married before or has kids, and someone in their 40s. You get into 50 territory, there's still going to be quite a gap of some kind, generational.


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## lifeistooshort

Diana7 said:


> I remember a lady I know who was in her late 20's then telling me that guys in their 40's and even 50's were contacting her on OLD. She thought it was creepy. I tend to agree.


When I was in my early 20’s, before OLD was really a thing and people still used personal ads, I used to see these guys in their 50's and 60's looking for 20 somethings all the time.

I thought it was creepy.....it was like my freaking grandpa.


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## ccpowerslave

So to be 100% clear I agree with the ladies that why would you want someone from a different generation that doesn’t know anything about what you’re saying when you drop a reference.

BUT…

I do think there’s nothing wrong with trying to be on point and in shape enough that the 20-30 year old women go, “Wow now that is a man right there.”


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## Numb26

ccpowerslave said:


> So to be 100% clear I agree with the ladies that why would you want someone from a different generation that doesn’t know anything about what you’re saying when you drop a reference.
> 
> BUT…
> 
> I do think there’s nothing wrong with trying to be on point and in shape enough that the 20-30 year old women go, “Wow now that is a man right there.”


I have dated the spectrum of ages and each one brings something different to the table. Also, each person is an individual. Not all women of the same age group are the same.


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## Married but Happy

I've never approached women more than 10 years younger, either in real life or online. It would clearly be a waste of time and effort. Imagine my surprise when a woman 27 years younger than me (she was 30 at the time), approached me at a social event. She was slim, fit, attractive, and very smart; we had a lot in common. There began a 10 year long FWB relationship. She had her own money, a career, and was a very pragmatic person; she just _liked_ older men, always had, and still does. That might still be going on but I needed to move away, and introduced her to a friend who's a little younger than me. They recently moved in together.


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## Cynthia

Remaining bitter and angry about what you don't have, while comparing yourself to others (younger women), will hinder you from getting what you really want. If you can't stop obsessing over other people's relationships and a short term boyfriend, who seems like a jerk, you are not going to move forward into the life you want. You are wasting your time. At 35, you do not have a lot of time to find a man and have a baby. Every minute you spend in this unhealthy state is a minute lost in your search for love and a family.

Do you think the ex-boyfriend, who is trying to win you back, has recognized his error and would be a good husband? Or do you think it would be same old same old with him if you took him back? People do change their ways in the face of loss. Do you think he has?


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## Diana7

ccpowerslave said:


> So to be 100% clear I agree with the ladies that why would you want someone from a different generation that doesn’t know anything about what you’re saying when you drop a reference.
> 
> BUT…
> 
> I do think there’s nothing wrong with trying to be on point and in shape enough that the 20-30 year old women go, “Wow now that is a man right there.”


You are still engaging in wishful thinking as so many men do.😅


----------



## Numb26

ccpowerslave said:


> So to be 100% clear I agree with the ladies that why would you want someone from a different generation that doesn’t know anything about what you’re saying when you drop a reference.
> 
> BUT…
> 
> I do think there’s nothing wrong with trying to be on point and in shape enough that the 20-30 year old women go, “Wow now that is a man right there.”


Keep the dream alive brother!


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## ConanHub

ccpowerslave said:


> So to be 100% clear I agree with the ladies that why would you want someone from a different generation that doesn’t know anything about what you’re saying when you drop a reference.
> 
> BUT…
> 
> I do think there’s nothing wrong with trying to be on point and in shape enough that the 20-30 year old women go, “Wow now that is a man right there.”


I get it about unwanted attention from much older men.

I do still get attention occasionally from women in their twenties though and without encouraging them.


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## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> I get it about unwanted attention from much older men.
> 
> I do still get attention occasionally from women in their twenties though and without encouraging them.


Seems most of the attention comes from younger women. I wonder why?


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## DownByTheRiver

Guys who have some, even a little, amount of fame and, well, basically, an audience of people who share that interest with them automatically have a shot a bigger age range. They have a platform. They have something to connect about, which is 2/3rds of it right there. And you can't overlook the fact that their lifestyles are not likely to be as humdrum as someone living the conventional life would be, so there isn't as big of a lifestyle/maturity gap sometimes. But those are rarified exceptions. 

The office boss or the professor is at some point going to get a climber who uses him to advance themselves. Seems like there's one of those that comes around every few years most places I've worked. But again, that's a rarity, and it's not genuine, not that he cares.


----------



## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> You are still engaging in wishful thinking as so many men do.😅


Alright young lady.😉

I still get hit on by women in their twenties and thirties many times a year.


----------



## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> Alright young lady.😉
> 
> I still get hit on by women in their twenties and thirties many times a year.


And I date predominantly women in their 30's


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ccpowerslave said:


> So to be 100% clear I agree with the ladies that why would you want someone from a different generation that doesn’t know anything about what you’re saying when you drop a reference.
> 
> BUT…
> 
> I do think there’s nothing wrong with trying to be on point and in shape enough that the 20-30 year old women go, “Wow now that is a man right there.”


Guurl, as I recall, you are a married man, so not sure why you're sweating it! When I was in high school, all the self-conscious teens thought everyone was always sizing them up and paying attention to every flaw every day all day. A good school counselor would remind them, Remember that no one thinks about you as much as you do, because they're busy focused on themselves, too.


----------



## ConanHub

DownByTheRiver said:


> Guurl, as I recall, you are a married man, so not sure why you're sweating it! When I was in high school, all the self-conscious teens thought everyone was always sizing them up and paying attention to every flaw every day all day. A good school counselor would remind them, Remember that no one thinks about you as much as you do, because they're busy focused on themselves, too.


Yes but having them give you their number, follow you to your car and ask if they can check your pants for you kind of implies interest


----------



## LisaDiane

Numb26 said:


> And I date predominantly women in their 30's


And that's what you consider "pee" in the dating pool...??


----------



## ccpowerslave

DownByTheRiver said:


> Guurl, as I recall, you are a married man, so not sure why you're sweating it! When I was in high school, all the self-conscious teens thought everyone was always sizing them up and paying attention to every flaw every day all day. A good school counselor would remind them, Remember that no one thinks about you as much as you do, because they're busy focused on themselves, too.


I don’t really sweat it. But if you’re spending a lot of time in the gym and suffering the pain and such it’s nice that someone appreciates it.


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> And that's what you consider "pee" in the dating pool...??


No, just the random encounters that make me question dating 🤣🤣🤣🤣


----------



## Numb26

ccpowerslave said:


> I don’t really sweat it. But if you’re spending a lot of time in the gym and suffering the pain and such it’s nice that someone appreciates it.


Not just getting noticed for the work you put in at the gym but in other areas too


----------



## ConanHub

Numb26 said:


> And I date predominantly women in their 30's


I'm just assuming they are definitely old enough to know what they want. Just curious, would you discriminate against a woman in her 40's or 50's?


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ConanHub said:


> Yes but having them give you their number, follow you to your car and ask if they can check your pants for you kind of implies interest


If they're asking to check your pants, they're probably prostitutes.


----------



## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> I'm just assuming they are definitely old enough to know what they want. Just curious, would you discriminate against a woman in her 40's or 50's?


Absolutely not, there have been some that have shown interest but they don't usually like my level of activity


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Numb26 said:


> Absolutely not, there have been some that have shown interest but they don't usually like my level of activity


I'm afraid to ask....


----------



## ConanHub

DownByTheRiver said:


> If they're asking to check your pants, they're probably prostitutes.


LoL! She was a cashier and I have much more blatant passes but I don't go on because it isn't bragging, just data to me as I'm a one woman man.

I'm tempted to get a micro camera and obscure the voices and faces of the young women that hit on me to show people that this happens a lot.


----------



## Numb26

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm afraid to ask....


I work hard and often, in the gym everyday, travel a lot and have 3 young children. My energy level is high, some women either can't or won't put up with it.


----------



## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> LoL! She was a cashier and I have much more blatant passes but I don't go on because it isn't bragging, just data to me as I'm a one woman man.
> 
> I'm tempted to get a micro camera and obscure the voices and faces of the young women that hit on me to show people that this happens a lot.


It does happen a lot. 3 times alone on Friday traveling through airports. Women seem to have much more self confidence then when I was single before.


----------



## Enigma32

I think some ladies here are trying to speak for all ladies. Sure, maybe 9/10 women say they would never date a significantly older man, or they think an older guy dating a significantly younger woman is creepy, but I seriously doubt these couples give a crap what people think. I really don't get why some people are so offended by who other people choose to spend their time with. It just sounds like bitterness to me, like the "nice guys" who aren't really nice who complain all women want bad boys.

When I was in my mid 30's and going to college, I had all kinds of women ages 19-25 hitting on me. I wasn't going after them, they were going for me. I dated/had a fling with a 19 year old girl I met through the gym who I kept things intentionally platonic with until she came on to me. I had a beautiful girl who just turned 21 hit me up asking if I would take her out drinking when I was 35 or so. I even had a 19 year old stalker on campus that I had to deal with. So when ladies come here and say that women just don't like older men or whatever, you are free to give your perspective because you might feel that way but not everyone does and any man with some experience will know it.


----------



## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> Alright young lady.😉
> 
> I still get hit on by women in their twenties and thirties many times a year.


Being hit on and having a successful relationship with are 2 very different things.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Numb26 said:


> I work hard and often, in the gym everyday, travel a lot and have 3 young children. My energy level is high, some women either can't or won't put up with it.


You are busy!


----------



## Diana7

Enigma32 said:


> I think some ladies here are trying to speak for all ladies. Sure, maybe 9/10 women say they would never date a significantly older man, or they think an older guy dating a significantly younger woman is creepy, but I seriously doubt these couples give a crap what people think. I really don't get why some people are so offended by who other people choose to spend their time with. It just sounds like bitterness to me, like the "nice guys" who aren't really nice who complain all women want bad boys.
> 
> When I was in my mid 30's and going to college, I had all kinds of women ages 19-25 hitting on me. I wasn't going after them, they were going for me. I dated/had a fling with a 19 year old girl I met through the gym who I kept things intentionally platonic with until she came on to me. I had a beautiful girl who just turned 21 hit me up asking if I would take her out drinking when I was 35 or so. I even had a 19 year old stalker on campus that I had to deal with. So when ladies come here and say that women just don't like older men or whatever, you are free to give your perspective because you might feel that way but not everyone does and any man with some experience will know it.


No its not bitterness, just going by life experiences and what I have seen and learnt from others. I dont think we are talking about someone in their early to mid 20's being interested in someone in their early to mid 30's, thats really not an issue and often you wouldnt be able to tell much difference in their ages if you didnt know, but men who are 20-30 years older, their fathers age or even their grandfathers age.


----------



## Diana7

Numb26 said:


> I work hard and often, in the gym everyday, travel a lot and have 3 young children. My energy level is high, some women either can't or won't put up with it.


There are many women who have lots of energy just as men do.


----------



## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> Being hit on and having a successful relationship with are 2 very different things.


I understand but I'm answering your post that men are deluded about young women hitting on them.

Young women really do hit on much older men.

I've witnessed the deluded older men and it is creepy but I'm fifty and I don't hit on anyone and I've been approached by younger women for years.


----------



## ccpowerslave

I find if I wear my Rolex 116718LN the chance of a 20 something young lady taking to me goes from almost zero to at least 5%.


----------



## Numb26

Diana7 said:


> There are many women who have lots of energy just as men do.


There are many who have more energy then I do, of course. But my point was that it seems as though women my age don't have the levels to keep up with me


----------



## TXTrini

So where's Girl_power?


----------



## Enigma32

ccpowerslave said:


> I find if I wear my Rolex 116718LN the chance of a 20 something young lady taking to me goes from almost zero to at least 5%.


Wanna loan me that watch? I have a small, more humble watch collection and I would take care of it!


----------



## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> I understand but I'm answering your post that men are deluded about young women hitting on them.
> 
> Young women really do hit on much older men.
> 
> I've witnessed the deluded older men and it is creepy but I'm fifty and I don't hit on anyone and I've been approached by younger women for years.


Play aloof really attracts them!


----------



## ccpowerslave

Enigma32 said:


> Wanna loan me that watch? I have a small, more humble watch collection and I would take care of it!


Haha yeah maybe. I have been looking to get matching President bracelet day dates for the Mrs and I but I think we decided on 25th Anniversary for that.

The funny thing is I own much more expensive watches than that but nobody except watch people know what they are.

Everyone knows what a gold Rolex is.


----------



## Enigma32

ccpowerslave said:


> Haha yeah maybe. I have been looking to get matching President bracelet day dates for the Mrs and I but I think we decided on 25th Anniversary for that.
> 
> The funny thing is I own much more expensive watches than that but nobody except watch people know what they are.
> 
> Everyone knows what a gold Rolex is.


I've been collecting watches for a few years now. Best pieces I have are made by Ball at around 2-3k each. I don't have Rolex money. I am familiar with the nicer brands and I spent some time checking them out when I visited some high end boutiques overseas though. I want to get a Grand Seiko one of these days but I'm waiting until I move into a newer house and accomplish other things first. Either way, I'm jealous!


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> So where's Girl_power?


She’s probably curb stomping someone.

Incidentally she posted a long time ago she was pissed she left her expensive Arc’teryx jacket somewhere and despite the expense she replaced it. So immediately it went on my radar as must have wife item.

I got my wife convinced on it and she got a purpleish one. I love it. She looks hot in it. 10/10


----------



## ccpowerslave

Enigma32 said:


> I've been collecting watches for a few years now. Best pieces I have are made by Ball at around 2-3k each. I don't have Rolex money. I am familiar with the nicer brands and I spent some time checking them out when I visited some high end boutiques overseas though. I want to get a Grand Seiko one of these days but I'm waiting until I move into a newer house and accomplish other things first. Either way, I'm jealous!


PM me and I will share my collection. I am friends with one of the top Seiko collectors in the world. LMK if you ever want to convert on a GS this guy can hook you up with the best people.


----------



## LisaDiane

Well, now it's settled...I will only date men in their 60s!!! 

That way I can be the younger woman! Since clearly SHE is the most desirable...😗


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> Well, now it's settled...I will only date men in their 60s!!!
> 
> That way I can be the younger woman! Since clearly SHE is the most desirable...😗


You will have to wait 9 years hun! 🤣🤣🤣🤣


----------



## LisaDiane

Numb26 said:


> You will have to wait 9 years hun! 🤣🤣🤣🤣


NO, I won't...that makes no sense, I'm 52, and I mean MEN in their 60s...not ME in my 60s...!!!!


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> NO, I won't...that makes no sense, I'm 52, and I mean MEN in their 60s...not ME in my 60s...!!!!


I meant me LMAO


----------



## LisaDiane

Numb26 said:


> I meant me LMAO


Oh!!! I get it...Lol!!! Very clever!!

But I wouldn't even THINK of interfering with you chasing 30yr olds!


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> Oh!!! I get it...Lol!!! Very clever!!
> 
> But I wouldn't even THINK of interfering with you chasing 30yr olds!


I don't chase them, I run 🤣🤣🤣


----------



## bobert

ConanHub said:


> Yes but having them give you their number, follow you to your car and ask if they can check your pants for you kind of implies interest


With two babies in diapers and currently on dirty diaper duty, "let me check your pants" makes my mind go to 💩


----------



## DownByTheRiver

bobert said:


> With two babies in diapers and currently on dirty diaper duty, "let me check your pants" makes my mind go to 💩


Which is exactly where it should go!


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ConanHub said:


> LoL! She was a cashier and I have much more blatant passes but I don't go on because it isn't bragging, just data to me as I'm a one woman man.
> 
> I'm tempted to get a micro camera and obscure the voices and faces of the young women that hit on me to show people that this happens a lot.


If you obscured the faces, no one could tell if she was young or not -- or if she was a working girl!


----------



## ConanHub

DownByTheRiver said:


> If you obscured the faces, no one could tell if she was young or not -- or if she was a working girl!


It would be very easy to tell the environment. Prostitutes would not be impersonating service people like store employees and waitresses.

Do you really think I'm making this stuff up?


----------



## Slow Hand

ConanHub said:


> It would be very easy to tell the environment. Prostitutes would not be impersonating service people like store employees and waitresses.
> 
> Do you really think I'm making this stuff up?


I know you’re not making it up, BTDT! 😛 It happens all the time! 🤫


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ConanHub said:


> It would be very easy to tell the environment. Prostitutes would not be impersonating service people like store employees and waitresses.
> 
> Do you really think I'm making this stuff up?


You do know that waitresses are super nice and even the flirtatious to men so they get a big tip, right? 

I don't even know how old you are. I don't know what you do for a living either, which could have some bearing.


----------



## ccpowerslave

DownByTheRiver said:


> You do know that waitresses are super nice and even the flirtatious to men so they get a big tip, right?


🤯I thought they liked me.


----------



## ConanHub

DownByTheRiver said:


> You do know that waitresses are super nice and even the flirtatious to men so they get a big tip, right?
> 
> I don't even know how old you are. I don't know what you do for a living either, which could have some bearing.


I'm not talking about just being nice. I started in the service industry and I worked elbow to elbow with waitresses.

It's like there is this world you are entirely unaware of.

Before I met my wife at age 20, I never pursued a woman ever but was intimate with around 60 that all pursued me and I turned away far more than I accepted.

I know what being hit on is and isn't. 

Waitresses aren't supposed to follow you to your car in the parking lot, after the bill is paid to give you their numbers as part of the service.

Are store employees supposed to inform all the customers that they are hot?

Are they supposed to ask everyone where they are staying and make sure they know where they can be reached after hours?
I hope they are compensated REALLY well for going above and beyond!😆


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ConanHub said:


> I'm not talking about just being nice. I started in the service industry and I worked elbow to elbow with waitresses.
> 
> It's like there is this world you are entirely unaware of.
> 
> Before I met my wife at age 20, I never pursued a woman ever but was intimate with around 60 that all pursued me and I turned away far more than I accepted.
> 
> I know what being hit on is and isn't.
> 
> Waitresses aren't supposed to follow you to your car in the parking lot, after the bill is paid to give you their numbers as part of the service.
> 
> Are store employees supposed to inform all the customers that they are hot?
> 
> Are they supposed to ask everyone where they are staying and make sure they know where they can be reached after hours?
> I hope they are compensated REALLY well for going above and beyond!😆


I hope they are too. How does the attention you got at 20 years old have anything to do with this thread about old men and young women?


----------



## heartsbeating

ConanHub said:


> LoL! She was a cashier and I have much more blatant passes but I don't go on because it isn't bragging, just data to me as I'm a one woman man.
> 
> I'm tempted to get a micro camera and obscure the voices and faces of the young women that hit on me to show people that this happens a lot.


Relayed with kindness... I don't think you need to prove yourself.


----------



## ConanHub

heartsbeating said:


> Relayed with kindness... I don't think you need to prove yourself.


Accepted with good humor.

I'm probably too lazy to put in the effort anyway.😉


----------



## ConanHub

heartsbeating said:


> I don't think you need to prove yourself.


Ok. I figured out what was bothering me about this part Cat lady.🙂

I've been extremely tired with this new job so I'm probably not communicating well.

I am not trying to prove myself here.

I share experience as points of data when it comes to this subject and sometimes for a laugh or humor.

I have appreciated others sharing their experiences as well as I'm curious, love research and I've learned a lot here.

If I am proud of anything, it is my marriage to Mrs. Conan and the life we built together.

As I've said before, I wish she had been my only experience with a woman.

I'm envious of those who were not with anyone else or traveled a less broken road.

@DownByTheRiver , I'm not sure if you were having some fun or doing some joking and I apologize if I missed any nuance.

The prostitute comment was probably funny but I didn't catch it.

Hope everyone has a good evening.


----------



## heartsbeating

ConanHub said:


> Ok. I figured out what was bothering me about this part Cat lady.🙂
> 
> I've been extremely tired with this new job so I'm probably not communicating well.
> 
> I am not trying to prove myself here.
> 
> I share experience as points of data when it comes to this subject and sometimes for a laugh or humor.
> 
> I have appreciated others sharing their experiences as well as I'm curious, love research and I've learned a lot here.
> 
> If I am proud of anything, it is my marriage to Mrs. Conan and the life we built together.
> 
> As I've said before, I wish she had been my only experience with a woman.
> 
> I'm envious of those who were not with anyone else or traveled a less broken road.
> 
> @DownByTheRiver , I'm not sure if you were having some fun or doing some joking and I apologize if I missed any nuance.
> 
> The prostitute comment was probably funny but I didn't catch it.
> 
> Hope everyone has a good evening.


Oh hey...  I didn't even know you were feeling any kind of way about what I wrote! And so thanks for expanding upon this.

I understand that you're sharing your experiences often for a laugh and/or contributing to a topic. I get that, I really do. Where I was coming from was that if you felt others doubted the interactions you experience, my personal take is that I don't think you have anything to prove. It was intended from a good place. However, if you want to share (beyond the typed format) some interactions for kicks n giggles then have at it. I certainly didn't mean to cause you any funky feelings about it though!


----------



## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> I understand but I'm answering your post that men are deluded about young women hitting on them.
> 
> Young women really do hit on much older men.
> 
> I've witnessed the deluded older men and it is creepy but I'm fifty and I don't hit on anyone and I've been approached by younger women for years.


I wasn't really talking about flirting, but about a much younger women wanting to be with a much older man. As in have a relationship with. 
I mean in my teens I used to fancy Elvis Presley, didn't mean I wanted to date or be in a relationship with a man that much older than me.


----------



## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> I'm not talking about just being nice. I started in the service industry and I worked elbow to elbow with waitresses.
> 
> It's like there is this world you are entirely unaware of.
> 
> Before I met my wife at age 20, I never pursued a woman ever but was intimate with around 60 that all pursued me and I turned away far more than I accepted.
> 
> I know what being hit on is and isn't.
> 
> Waitresses aren't supposed to follow you to your car in the parking lot, after the bill is paid to give you their numbers as part of the service.
> 
> Are store employees supposed to inform all the customers that they are hot?
> 
> Are they supposed to ask everyone where they are staying and make sure they know where they can be reached after hours?
> I hope they are compensated REALLY well for going above and beyond!😆


Some women really have no class or self respect.


----------



## Diana7

Numb26 said:


> There are many who have more energy then I do, of course. But my point was that it seems as though women my age don't have the levels to keep up with me


I have heard men say this before and to be honest it always made me smile.


----------



## As'laDain

I never really pay much attention to age. By the time I start dating someone, I have known them for a while.


----------



## Divinely Favored

C.C. says ... said:


> Men have the advantage here. Sure, in high school and up until about 25- mayyybe 30 women might have the edge. But once those youthful looks fade, men are the ones on top. They can bag 25 year olds at 50 and 60 and no one bats an eye. Let a woman try to do that and they’re called desperate and cougars. Enjoy your youth ladies, men will always have the upper hand after that. (IMO)


No worry about upper hand if they would get a nice guy when younger, settle down and stay with him. Women have no atanding to be upset if they "enjoyed their youth/played the field" when young and now older and cant find a guy to their liking because those guys are looking for younger girls.

I have had divorced classmates that were not sociable when younger that now are all smiles and cheerfully making eye contact and trying to be noticed by me. Not...you were a B in HS chasing the bad boys like most of the other girls, so i dont have time for you. Maybe i should be oh so nice so they realize even more they should have chosen better.


----------



## Divinely Favored

Enigma32 said:


> Do it as a big FU to everyone who wants to dictate who a man is allowed to date. My GF is 10 years younger and people have made comments about it.


I always leaned toward older women. My wife is 4 yrs my senior.


----------



## Enigma32

Divinely Favored said:


> I always leaned toward older women. My wife is 4 yrs my senior.


I went through an older woman phase when I was in my early 20's. Back then I swore that ladies around 27-32 were the perfect age. Just old enough to have some life experience but not so old to be bitter and have a ton of emotional baggage. Not so much older than I was at the time but it seemed like it to me back then.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11

Enigma32 said:


> I went through an older woman phase when I was in my early 20's. Back then I swore that ladies around 27-32 were the perfect age. Just old enough to have some life experience but not so old to be bitter and have a ton of emotional baggage. Not so much older than I was at the time but it seemed like it to me back then.


I never had an older women phase...I had a "I'll Fk anything that moves phase". That's how I ended up with my exW.

Once I was newly divorced in my mid to late 30's, getting women (younger and prettier) was 100x easier.


----------



## Divinely Favored

Enigma32 said:


> I went through an older woman phase when I was in my early 20's. Back then I swore that ladies around 27-32 were the perfect age. Just old enough to have some life experience but not so old to be bitter and have a ton of emotional baggage. Not so much older than I was at the time but it seemed like it to me back then.


I was tired of the immaturity of the girls my age. My maturity level is 10 yrs older than my age. I was a romantic looking for a wife in my 20s, i refrained from sex till almost 23 looking for The One. Met my wife i was 24 and she 28. She was married at 17 and had filed divorced from 1st hubby, so she was older and had not been on the 🎠 the past 10 yrs.


----------



## LisaDiane

Enigma32 said:


> I went through an older woman phase when I was in my early 20's. Back then I swore that ladies around 27-32 were the perfect age. Just old enough to have some life experience but not so old to be bitter and have a ton of emotional baggage. Not so much older than I was at the time but it seemed like it to me back then.


ARE women older than that bitter and have tons of emotional baggage though?? Really...?


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> ARE women older than that bitter and have tons of emotional baggage though?? Really...?


Some. Just like older men are. It's not gender specific


----------



## LisaDiane

Numb26 said:


> Some. Just like older men are. It's not gender specific


I don't think I know any men my age who are bitter....


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> I don't think I know any men my age who are bitter....


Really? That's unusual. Usually there are a few people (men and women) who are bitter because of life experiences. I would think that is normal.


----------



## Enigma32

LisaDiane said:


> ARE women older than that bitter and have tons of emotional baggage though?? Really...?


Not all of them but many are, yes. A couple failed relationships and a bunch of guys ghosting them and the ladies tend to get pretty bitter.


----------



## LisaDiane

Numb26 said:


> Really? That's unusual. Usually there are a few people (men and women) who are bitter because of life experiences. I would think that is normal.





Enigma32 said:


> Not all of them but many are, yes. A couple failed relationships and a bunch of guys ghosting them and the ladies tend to get pretty bitter.


Well, I don't know that many men in real life, I'll admit. But those I do know are always friendly and open with me...maybe that are sad underneath?

And maybe I'm just not sure what "bitter" means when you guys say it -- do you mean, mistrusting? Or hesitant?

If bitter means they are hateful and/or caustic and mean, do those people really even want a relationship or to date?


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> Well, I don't know that many men in real life, I'll admit. But those I do know are always friendly and open with me...maybe that are sad underneath?
> 
> And maybe I'm just not sure what "bitter" means when you guys say it -- do you mean, mistrusting? Or hesitant?
> 
> If bitter means they are hateful and/or caustic and mean, do those people really even want a relationship or to date?


They used to call these type of older men, curmudgeons.


----------



## Enigma32

LisaDiane said:


> Well, I don't know that many men in real life, I'll admit. But those I do know are always friendly and open with me...maybe that are sad underneath?
> 
> And maybe I'm just not sure what "bitter" means when you guys say it -- do you mean, mistrusting? Or hesitant?
> 
> If bitter means they are hateful and/or caustic and mean, do those people really even want a relationship or to date?


I'll give you an example of a woman I know. She is just getting over a somewhat bad breakup that happened a few months ago. She is seeing someone new now. She just had a gathering at her home that she does every year and she took pictures to commemorate the event like she always does. This year though, she didn't let her new guy in on the pictures. He was there at the event but purposefully left out of the pictures. She confided that her ex is in the pictures from the previous years' events and she doesn't want the new guy in the new pictures in case they break up. So this poor sap gets to feel left out just because some other guy bailed on her. It's little things like that. The new guy never gets as good of a deal as the last one.


----------



## Asterix

Enigma32 said:


> He was there at the event but purposefully left out of the pictures. She confided that her ex is in the pictures from the previous years' events and she doesn't want the new guy in the new pictures in case they break up. So this poor sap gets to feel left out just because some other guy bailed on her. It's little things like that. The new guy never gets as good of a deal as the last one.


Is the new guy aware that he's possibly a placeholder till the previous guy comes around?


----------



## Enigma32

Asterix said:


> Is the new guy aware that he's possibly a placeholder till the previous guy comes around?


Old guy bailed on this girl for a younger, prettier model. I don't think he will be coming back into the picture. That's part of the reason I thought of her when commenting on this thread. New guy was just waiting for his shot with her for a long time since he's just been a Facebook friend orbiter for a good while. He pounced once he found out her relationship was over.


----------



## Diana7

Enigma32 said:


> I went through an older woman phase when I was in my early 20's. Back then I swore that ladies around 27-32 were the perfect age. Just old enough to have some life experience but not so old to be bitter and have a ton of emotional baggage. Not so much older than I was at the time but it seemed like it to me back then.


I find it weird that you think older women are bitter. I know loads of older women, none are bitter.
I have never let baggage put me off. It makes life interesting and challenging in a good way. We had lots of baggage between us when we married. If you are with the right person it's not an issue. I also think that people who have been through a lot often have more character and staying power that those who have had an easier life.


----------



## Diana7

Enigma32 said:


> Not all of them but many are, yes. A couple failed relationships and a bunch of guys ghosting them and the ladies tend to get pretty bitter.


Not my experience at all and I know loads of older women.


----------



## Enigma32

Diana7 said:


> I find it weird that you think older women are bitter. I know loads of older women, none are bitter.


Ok. Do you know any bitter men then?


----------



## Cynthia

Some people become bitter from experience, others learn and grow from experience. Everyone has hurts from life. It's what we do with it. I've known a lot of people who have been through difficult circumstances that grew and became deeper and better. I've known people who have been through difficult circumstances that learn zero and get further set in their ways. Bitterness is not gender specific.


----------



## Diana7

Enigma32 said:


> Ok. Do you know any bitter men then?


Not in real life, but sadly quite a few on TAM.


----------



## Enigma32

Diana7 said:


> Not in real life, but sadly quite a few on TAM.


I've run into quite a few bitter folks, ladies and gentlemen alike. Since I never dated men, I never much cared if they were bitter though. I figure they're y'all problem to deal with.


----------



## Asterix

Enigma32 said:


> I've run into quite a few bitter folks, ladies and gentlemen alike. Since I never dated men, I never much cared if they were bitter though. I figure they're y'all problem to deal with.


and therin lies the rub. No one really wants to make a bitter person their problem, may that bitter person be a man or a woman. 

For myself, I can smell the bitterness and desperation on a person a mile away. (I'm exagerating of course, but hope you get my point).


----------



## Enigma32

Asterix said:


> and therin lies the rub. No one really wants to make a bitter person their problem, may that bitter person be a man or a woman.
> 
> For myself, I can smell the bitterness and desperation on a person a mile away. (I'm exagerating of course, but hope you get my point).


I think a lot of us are hanging on to some level of bitterness, myself included. I know my stance on relationships has changed over the years and at my age, I feel like I have one more go at it before I throw in the towel and just give up on the whole thing. So far so good, but no one can predict the future. 

I've also seen a lot of my younger friends I met in college go through breakups and divorces and now even those younger folks are bitter as well. It's tough trying to keep that youthful idealism as you get older.


----------



## manowar

Enigma32 said:


> since he's just been a Facebook friend orbiter for a good while.



oh geez.........always one in waiting. it never fails


----------



## ConanHub

heartsbeating said:


> Oh hey...  I didn't even know you were feeling any kind of way about what I wrote! And so thanks for expanding upon this.
> 
> I understand that you're sharing your experiences often for a laugh and/or contributing to a topic. I get that, I really do. Where I was coming from was that if you felt others doubted the interactions you experience, my personal take is that I don't think you have anything to prove. It was intended from a good place. However, if you want to share (beyond the typed format) some interactions for kicks n giggles then have at it. I certainly didn't mean to cause you any funky feelings about it though!


Thanks you. 🙂 I got in a little over my head with this work through the winter and became so exhausted I did get a little funky.😉


----------



## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> I wasn't really talking about flirting, but about a much younger women wanting to be with a much older man. As in have a relationship with.
> I mean in my teens I used to fancy Elvis Presley, didn't mean I wanted to date or be in a relationship with a man that much older than me.


It's ok. I believe your world view is honest and you really don't believe there are a lot of women who aren't like you.

Where I've traveled in the U.S. and Canada, many younger women are different than you.

As to wanting a relationship of some kind or just a flirt....

I'm sure some just flirt because it's fun but there are many women who have made it clear they would climb on a horse behind this barbarian and ride off into the sunset with me if I would have to them.


----------



## ConanHub

DownByTheRiver said:


> I hope they are too. How does the attention you got at 20 years old have anything to do with this thread about old men and young women?


My long-winded post was to illustrate that I know the difference between a woman being nice (in any situation, service or social) and letting me know she would like a lot more than a good tip or polite conversation.😉

To answer another question, I'm 50 and the majority of the women I am referencing don't know what I do and I don't dress up. I wear very casual most of the time. There are women in the group I'm referencing, that know my work but they are usually colleagues or associates in the same business.

Maybe the pickings are just slim or there are just a lot of twenty to thirty something women with daddy issues?😉


----------



## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> It's ok. I believe your world view is honest and you really don't believe there are a lot of women who aren't like you.
> 
> Where I've traveled in the U.S. and Canada, many younger women are different than you.
> 
> As to wanting a relationship of some kind or just a flirt....
> 
> I'm sure some just flirt because it's fun but there are many women who have made it clear they would climb on a horse behind this barbarian and ride off into the sunset with me if I would have to them.


Trouble is that most people would want to really get to know someone before they ride off into the sunset together dont you think?


----------



## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> Trouble is that most people would want to really get to know someone before they ride off into the sunset together dont you think?


That definitely applies to me. Seems like there are a lot of desperate women out there?

Besides, the rump of this barbarian's horse already has a rider.😉


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ConanHub said:


> My long-winded post was to illustrate that I know the difference between a woman being nice (in any situation, service or social) and letting me know she would like a lot more than a good tip or polite conversation.😉
> 
> To answer another question, I'm 50 and the majority of the women I am referencing don't know what I do and I don't dress up. I wear very casual most of the time. There are women in the group I'm referencing, that know my work but they are usually colleagues or associates in the same business.
> 
> Maybe the pickings are just slim or there are just a lot of twenty to thirty something women with daddy issues?😉


Like I said in an earlier post, women who openly proposition men way older than them, it's because of the man is in some sort of celebrity or high-profile position, even if it's only on a local level. The ones who do the most blatant propositioning, from my experience being around musicians, turned out to be either past or present sex workers. But there are also just fans who will be attracted to someone in that position, but they aren't likely to just ask to see what's in your pants or the like. Because they don't want to look like desperate hos. But then a lot of the women who would do that appear to be fans but are really just opportunists looking for a leg up some way, money or their own fame. Even just on a local level.

And of course if you're in a place that invites the sort of thing such as Las Vegas or around strip clubs so that you've put yourself in the middle of it, or if by how you present yourself or what you do you are begging for attention, then you've opened that door. I would even put personal trainers into this category. They get hit on a lot and their companies encourage them not to discourage the clients and to string them along as long as possible.

Of course it a case like that, who is the ho now?


----------



## Laurentium

DownByTheRiver said:


> Like I said in an earlier post, women who openly proposition men way older than them, it's because of the man is in some sort of celebrity or high-profile position


I'm told that if you're rich and have a TV show, there are some women who'll let you grab them by the water cooler.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Laurentium said:


> I'm told that if you're rich and have a TV show, there are some women who'll let you grab them by the water cooler.


Opportunists looking to elevate themselves.


----------



## ConanHub

DownByTheRiver said:


> Like I said in an earlier post, women who openly proposition men way older than them, it's because of the man is in some sort of celebrity or high-profile position, even if it's only on a local level. The ones who do the most blatant propositioning, from my experience being around musicians, turned out to be either past or present sex workers. But there are also just fans who will be attracted to someone in that position, but they aren't likely to just ask to see what's in your pants or the like. Because they don't want to look like desperate hos. But then a lot of the women who would do that appear to be fans but are really just opportunists looking for a leg up some way, money or their own fame. Even just on a local level.
> 
> And of course if you're in a place that invites the sort of thing such as Las Vegas or around strip clubs so that you've put yourself in the middle of it, or if by how you present yourself or what you do you are begging for attention, then you've opened that door. I would even put personal trainers into this category. They get hit on a lot and their companies encourage them not to discourage the clients and to string them along as long as possible.
> 
> Of course it a case like that, who is the ho now?


I appreciate your input and experience. The most recent ladies are in pretty regular situations throughout Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, New York and Maryland.

I've only had the one experience with the "pants checker" and I doubt she was a former prostitute.

I sincerely doubt the other woman are former prostitutes either as that would be pretty widespread.

I could be wrong and there could be a plague of former sex workers who are now living very regular lives but that doesn't seem likely to me.

I also do not invite special attention. I actually do a lot to avoid regular interaction but it sometimes can't be avoided.

I'm mostly convinced you just haven't experienced the situations where younger women really are making plays for older men. Regardless, I'm just relaying information on the subject.

I've never been involved in the music scene like you so I just take your word for it.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ConanHub said:


> I appreciate your input and experience. The most recent ladies are in pretty regular situations throughout Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, New York and Maryland.
> 
> I've only had the one experience with the "pants checker" and I doubt she was a former prostitute.
> 
> I sincerely doubt the other woman are former prostitutes either as that would be pretty widespread.
> 
> I could be wrong and there could be a plague of former sex workers who are now living very regular lives but that doesn't seem likely to me.
> 
> I also do not invite special attention. I actually do a lot to avoid regular interaction but it sometimes can't be avoided.
> 
> I'm mostly convinced you just haven't experienced the situations where younger women really are making plays for older men. Regardless, I'm just relaying information on the subject.
> 
> I've never been involved in the music scene like you so I just take your word for it.


Yeah. The only situation I've seen twenty-somethings interested in guys over 50 are where the guy has something that makes him either rich (and they are gold diggers) or high profile, even on a minor local basis. For example, police have a small segment of women who want to say they banged a cop. Or like I said before, men who put themselves in places such as strip clubs restaurants like Hooters where that's their job. Certainly female bartenders everywhere suck up to guys for tips. There are situations where that's expected. It goes on a lot at gyms.


----------



## ConanHub

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yeah. The only situation I've seen twenty-somethings interested in guys over 50 are where the guy has something that makes him either rich (and they are gold diggers) or high profile, even on a minor local basis. For example, police have a small segment of women who want to say they banged a cop. Or like I said before, men who put themselves in places such as strip clubs restaurants like Hooters where that's their job. Certainly female bartenders everywhere suck up to guys for tips. There are situations where that's expected. It goes on a lot at gyms.


I'm aware of those situations and I agree with you about them.

I'm not in those situations but I've just been hit on a lot.

It has slowed down with age, thank God, but it does still happen and most of the women that are doing it are in their twenties and thirties.

I am a very healthy and vital 50 so maybe they think I'm more likely 40 and that is more their range.


----------



## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> That definitely applies to me. Seems like there are a lot of desperate women out there?
> 
> Besides, the rump of this barbarian's horse already has a rider.😉


Maybe it is desperation as you say. I mean as a woman in my late 40's who wanted to meet/marry a strong Christian guy of around my own age, I knew the pickings would be very slim in the UK, if not practically non existent, but I still had very strong requirements and stuck to them. God kept saying, 'don't settle for second best', when I was wavering.😳
My D is also younger than me, ok only a year, but I often tease him that he's my toy boy😊


----------



## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> Maybe it is desperation as you say. I mean as a woman in my late 40's who wanted to meet/marry a strong Christian guy of around my own age, I knew the pickings would be very slim in the UK, if not practically non existent, but I still had very strong requirements and stuck to them. God kept saying, 'don't settle for second best', when I was wavering.😳
> My D is also younger than me, ok only a year, but I often tease him that he's my toy boy😊


You are also a committed and practicing Christian in a community that you have described as fairly conservative and traditional.

In some ways, I'm envious of your environment.

I'm a committed Christian working in Babylon.😉


----------



## Enigma32

I think a lot of people just really struggle seeing things from another person's perspective. They have their preferences and they simply cannot comprehend the idea that someone else could see things differently. For example, I am acquainted with a girl that is around 5'3 and weighs 350+lbs. She's one very small step away from being bedridden. She won't work so she makes money by streaming video games online...and she maintains an OnlyFans account. She doesn't make much money on her OnlyFans but she does have a few guys that find her attractive enough to pay for her "content" which is basically just pics of her boobs and her feet from what I hear. For me, she is the exact opposite of what I would find attractive. I am still shocked when I hear about how there is some guy out there paying for her...but those guys exist. I don't get it and she's not for me but someone out there disagrees. Older men/younger women are the same thing. Maybe YOU would never do it, but SOME ladies would. I'm not even a great looking guy and I have had plenty of younger women hit on me (not as many recently though) so I can imagine a good looking guy like @ConanHub likely has no shortage of younger ladies that would be with him.


----------



## ConanHub

Enigma32 said:


> I think a lot of people just really struggle seeing things from another person's perspective. They have their preferences and they simply cannot comprehend the idea that someone else could see things differently. For example, I am acquainted with a girl that is around 5'3 and weighs 350+lbs. She's one very small step away from being bedridden. She won't work so she makes money by streaming video games online...and she maintains an OnlyFans account. She doesn't make much money on her OnlyFans but she does have a few guys that find her attractive enough to pay for her "content" which is basically just pics of her boobs and her feet from what I hear. For me, she is the exact opposite of what I would find attractive. I am still shocked when I hear about how there is some guy out there paying for her...but those guys exist. I don't get it and she's not for me but someone out there disagrees. Older men/younger women are the same thing. Maybe YOU would never do it, but SOME ladies would. I'm not even a great looking guy and I have had plenty of younger women hit on me (not as many recently though) so I can imagine a good looking guy like @ConanHub likely has no shortage of younger ladies that would be with him.


I know there are guys that like ladies like her but I'm still tripping.😳

I think the feet thing weirds me out the most.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ConanHub said:


> I'm aware of those situations and I agree with you about them.
> 
> I'm not in those situations but I've just been hit on a lot.
> 
> It has slowed down with age, thank God, but it does still happen and most of the women that are doing it are in their twenties and thirties.
> 
> I am a very healthy and vital 50 so maybe they think I'm more likely 40 and that is more their range.


I haven't even known 20-somethings into 40-ish guys. There was one at work one time who had a sexual relationship with a new salesman. He was attractive and witty, but definitely in his 40s, and it showed. I was mystified until I found out he was married and that the girl was a call girl after hours, and he's who brought her there and got her the job. She told me allll about it. She had all kinds of issues. Her dad had been a serial cheater airline pilot. This 40-something guy worked for a record label group and the girl and her sister were both call girls who the label had "entertain" clients when they were in town. A couple years before the one came to work there, they had even paid her sister to service the head buyer. He was so naive he totally bought into it and it was years later when he realized his "so nice to be with because there's no pressure" new girlfriend was paid for and was deeply embarrassed. I guess he didn't find out until he himself got a job with a label and was encourage to perk his clients similarly. 

I hope the practice has waned some, but I doubt it. It's always been pretty typical that call girls are hired to show up at business conventions and act attracted to the male attendees, come to the hospitality suite, etc. 

Now, I wouldn't find it unusual for a woman in her 30s who was mature, had kids, maybe divorced, to be attracted to some 50-somethings because they may have similar life experience by then and something in common they wouldn't have had when the woman was 20 and he was 40. And of course, if they're the type woman with kids who needs a second income, they will make allowances, which is sad -- and low level prostitution, the common kind.


----------



## ConanHub

DownByTheRiver said:


> I haven't even known 20-somethings into 40-ish guys. There was one at work one time who had a sexual relationship with a new salesman. He was attractive and witty, but definitely in his 40s, and it showed. I was mystified until I found out he was married and that the girl was a call girl after hours, and he's who brought her there and got her the job. She told me allll about it. She had all kinds of issues. Her dad had been a serial cheater airline pilot. This 40-something guy worked for a record label group and the girl and her sister were both call girls who the label had "entertain" clients when they were in town. A couple years before the one came to work there, they had even paid her sister to service the head buyer. He was so naive he totally bought into it and it was years later when he realized his "so nice to be with because there's no pressure" new girlfriend was paid for and was deeply embarrassed. I guess he didn't find out until he himself got a job with a label and was encourage to perk his clients similarly.
> 
> I hope the practice has waned some, but I doubt it. It's always been pretty typical that call girls are hired to show up at business conventions and act attracted to the male attendees, come to the hospitality suite, etc.
> 
> Now, I wouldn't find it unusual for a woman in her 30s who was mature, had kids, maybe divorced, to be attracted to some 50-somethings because they may have similar life experience by then and something in common they wouldn't have had when the woman was 20 and he was 40. And of course, if they're the type woman with kids who needs a second income, they will make allowances, which is sad -- and low level prostitution, the common kind.


Well, the situations I'm recounting are a world removed from the one's you are.

I know about the situations you're describing but they really are weird and not regular life like mine.


----------



## ConanHub

My interactions are just everyday occurrences.

The situations you are describing @DownByTheRiver , are really pretty disgusting and taking place in environments I would never be in.


----------



## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> Well, the situations I'm recounting are a world removed from the one's you are.
> 
> I know about the situations you're describing but they really are weird and not regular life like mine.


I am thinking our world is totally alien to some people


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ConanHub said:


> My interactions are just everyday occurrences.
> 
> The situations you are describing @DownByTheRiver , are really pretty disgusting and taking place in environments I would never be in.


Yes, it was disgusting!


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Numb26 said:


> I am thinking our world is totally alien to some people


I think the difference is we are women and women tell us what they're really thinking about guys but can sometimes be two-faced about it and be flattering the guys for whatever their own motive is.

That call girl at work, before I knew what she was, I was mystified why she would smile intensely at any new man going down the hall. Keep in mind she looked exactly like "the girl next door," very understated, but she had a great small hourglass figure, though not a huge rack. Like one day an old friend of mine, 40-ish with not a muscle on him, balding, and fat basically, came down the hall meeting me for lunch and she turned her smile on with him, and of course, he cornered me later saying he was sure she was flirting with him and coming on to him and was all excited. All she did was smile, but I mean it was a come-on smile. All I could tell him at the time was she does it to every man. 

But it was still some weeks after that she let me know she was a call girl. We were talking about a radio guy at the time and she told me he sometimes came over for a threesome with her and her sister and that it was good money. After that, she was open about everything. She's the one who told me if someone doesn't pay for her lunch, she doesn't eat. So she did a lot of meal-ho'ing. I told my guy friend he could ask her to lunch, but once he found out she was working, nah.


----------



## Numb26

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think the difference is we are women and women tell us what they're really thinking about guys but can sometimes be two-faced about it and be flattering the guys for whatever their own motive is.


Possibly. All I can tell you is that the majority of women who flirt with me or really show interest are much younger then me.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Numb26 said:


> Possibly. All I can tell you is that the majority of women who flirt with me or really show interest are much younger then me.


So do you date them?


----------



## Numb26

DownByTheRiver said:


> So do you date them?


Only the ones that interest me. Age doesn't matter to me, it's other things that are important


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Numb26 said:


> Only the ones that interest me. Age doesn't matter to me, it's other things that are important


So when you've dated a 20-something as however old you are now, how has it gone? Did you have a good connection?


----------



## Numb26

DownByTheRiver said:


> So when you've dated a 20-something as however old you are now, how has it gone? Did you have a good connection?


Haven't dated a 20 something......yet 🤣 Most have been in the mid 30's range and the connection had been good enough to have some good times with. If you are asking how a LTR would work out, couldn't say. Not something I am looking for


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Numb26 said:


> Haven't dated a 20 something......yet 🤣 Most have been in the mid 30's range and the connection had been good enough to have some good times with. If you are asking how a LTR would work out, couldn't say. Not something I am looking for


The maturity gap isn't nearly as much with people over 30 in general, but it all depends on their life stage, whether they've been married or had kids or are still partying like teenagers.


----------



## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> You are also a committed and practicing Christian in a community that you have described as fairly conservative and traditional.
> 
> In some ways, I'm envious of your environment.
> 
> I'm a committed Christian working in Babylon.😉


Actually I mix and have mixed with many non Christians and most of my wider family arent Christians either, so I get a good balance of people in my life. At present we have no church at all due to having moved here last year and most churches have been shut. Hope to find one soon. When it comes to communities/churches I have been to a really mixed bunch of churches and denominations from a really mixed bunch of places and counties so have had many interesting experiences. 
We also have had many many online contacts/friends who God seemed to have led to us who we have hopefully helped through awful times. I helped 2 lots of teenagers get away from abusive parents, its amazing how God can use the internet for good.
So no my life isnt cosy and has been far from cosy in my life due to many horrible things happening. 

I am blessed to know some really lovely people though, Christians and non Christians. I also had a lovely mum who had very good moral values so that was a blessing.


----------



## pastasauce79

I had a crush on one of my college professors. I was 20 and he was around 40.

He was divorced, and he knew my grandmother, that's how we got to know each other better. 

We became friends. I didn't do anything inappropriate, I didn't want any trouble at school, but I liked him a lot.

He cut back his teaching hours and I didn't see him that often. Then I decided to come here and didn't see him again. 

This thread made look him up and he's doing ok. He has his own clinic (he is a psychiatrist.) He still has own hair which is pretty good considering he must be around 60 now!


----------



## Diana7

Numb26 said:


> Haven't dated a 20 something......yet 🤣 Most have been in the mid 30's range and the connection had been good enough to have some good times with. If you are asking how a LTR would work out, couldn't say. Not something I am looking for


Its very different when you want a long term partner/ spouse than if you just want casual hook ups. 
The fact that someone is very flirty would put me off anyway.


----------



## Numb26

Diana7 said:


> Its very different when you want a long term partner/ spouse than if you just want casual hook ups.
> The fact that someone is very flirty would put me off anyway.


For me it depends on HOW they are flirting


----------



## LisaDiane

Enigma32 said:


> I think a lot of us are hanging on to some level of bitterness, myself included. I know my stance on relationships has changed over the years and at my age, I feel like I have one more go at it before I throw in the towel and just give up on the whole thing. So far so good, but no one can predict the future.
> 
> 
> 
> I've also seen a lot of my younger friends I met in college go through breakups and divorces and now even those younger folks are bitter as well. It's tough trying to keep that youthful idealism as you get older.


I wanted to come back to this again, because I've been thinking about it for a few days. I think I define bitterness differently than what you mean here...I think what you are describing is more CAUTION or cynicism. Bitterness is deeper and sometimes permanent, and I think what you've described is just people who struggle to trust again after being hurt.

Still, I don't think I am cynical or bitter at all...both of my partners were very mean to me and my STBX was coldly rejecting and a constant liar, and he took advantage of my love and trust to USE me, which hurt ALOT to finally realize. But I still don't believe most other men will be like him. 

I'm NOT angry at either of them for hurting me...and I don't regret how I loved them with my whole heart. And I fully intend to love my next partner the same way, but I want to try to be cautious with my feelings as well.

Maybe that is the key - I am not angry about anything. I accept that they just didn't love or want me the same way anymore. I'm definitely SAD about it, and I wish it was different...but I don't want that sadness to spoil any hope that I have that there IS a man out there who will love me and want me as much as I will love and want him.

I don't feel youthfully idealistic...I feel accepting that people have the ability to be nice or mean, but almost everyone is still just a PERSON, trying to be happy, the same as I am. I think I am OPTIMISTIC...but I like being that way!

And you never sound bitter to me, either...you sound a little cynical, but I'd say you are more of a realist...and that's a good thing too!!


----------



## lifeistooshort

LisaDiane said:


> I wanted to come back to this again, because I've been thinking about it for a few days. I think I define bitterness differently than what you mean here...I think what you are describing is more CAUTION or cynicism. Bitterness is deeper and sometimes permanent, and I think what you've described is just people who struggle to trust again after being hurt.
> 
> Still, I don't think I am cynical or bitter at all...both of my partners were very mean to me and my STBX was coldly rejecting and a constant liar, and he took advantage of my love and trust to USE me, which hurt ALOT to finally realize. But I still don't believe most other men will be like him.
> 
> I'm NOT angry at either of them for hurting me...and I don't regret how I loved them with my whole heart. And I fully intend to love my next partner the same way, but I want to try to be cautious with my feelings as well.
> 
> Maybe that is the key - I am not angry about anything. I accept that they just didn't love or want me the same way anymore. I'm definitely SAD about it, and I wish it was different...but I don't want that sadness to spoil any hope that I have that there IS a man out there who will love me and want me as much as I will love and want him.
> 
> I don't feel youthfully idealistic...I feel accepting that people have the ability to be nice or mean, but almost everyone is still just a PERSON, trying to be happy, the same as I am. I think I am OPTIMISTIC...but I like being that way!
> 
> And you never sound bitter to me, either...you sound a little cynical, but I'd say you are more of a realist...and that's a good thing too!!


This is a great post.

I was married to two jerks who both lacked empathy and didn't treat me well. But I'm a big believer in not making anyone pay for their sins and I ask the same.

I think I'm less willing to put up with certain things and am more cognizant of red flags, but each person deserves to be evaluated on their own merits.

If I hear "I'm not doing x,y, or z or women are x, y, or z because my ex was a *****" I'm out.


----------



## Numb26

lifeistooshort said:


> This is a great post.
> 
> I was married to two jerks who both lacked empathy and didn't treat me well. But I'm a big believer in not making anyone pay for their sins and I ask the same.
> 
> I think I'm less willing to put up with certain things and am more cognizant of red flags, but each person deserves to be evaluated on their own merits.
> 
> If I hear "I'm not doing x,y, or z or women are x, y, or z because my ex was a ***" I'm out.


For me it has taught me certain things to look for and avoid. I don't think that makes me bitter, just cautious


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## Diana7

LisaDiane said:


> I wanted to come back to this again, because I've been thinking about it for a few days. I think I define bitterness differently than what you mean here...I think what you are describing is more CAUTION or cynicism. Bitterness is deeper and sometimes permanent, and I think what you've described is just people who struggle to trust again after being hurt.
> 
> Still, I don't think I am cynical or bitter at all...both of my partners were very mean to me and my STBX was coldly rejecting and a constant liar, and he took advantage of my love and trust to USE me, which hurt ALOT to finally realize. But I still don't believe most other men will be like him.
> 
> I'm NOT angry at either of them for hurting me...and I don't regret how I loved them with my whole heart. And I fully intend to love my next partner the same way, but I want to try to be cautious with my feelings as well.
> 
> Maybe that is the key - I am not angry about anything. I accept that they just didn't love or want me the same way anymore. I'm definitely SAD about it, and I wish it was different...but I don't want that sadness to spoil any hope that I have that there IS a man out there who will love me and want me as much as I will love and want him.
> 
> I don't feel youthfully idealistic...I feel accepting that people have the ability to be nice or mean, but almost everyone is still just a PERSON, trying to be happy, the same as I am. I think I am OPTIMISTIC...but I like being that way!
> 
> And you never sound bitter to me, either...you sound a little cynical, but I'd say you are more of a realist...and that's a good thing too!!


Do you think it's partly down to personality? Despite what happened to me and how men have acted towards me, it never seemed to make me bitter. Like you I recognized that it wasn't all men who acted that way, and it never stopped me wanting to get married again.
I am quite a hopeful person and generally optimistic, also I do trust people despite everything. Maybe that helps.

I do see a lot of people stuck in anger and bitterness and that makes me sad because it's stops them from being able to move on and love again.
I do believe forgiveness is the key here.


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## lifeistooshort

Numb26 said:


> For me it has taught me certain things to look for and avoid. I don't think that makes me bitter, just cautious


I think that makes you smart.


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## LisaDiane

Numb26 said:


> For me it has taught me certain things to look for and avoid. I don't think that makes me bitter, just cautious


Yes, and you don't need as much caution when you are only dating for fun, and not looking for a LTR...it makes it easier to overlook smaller things that might be deal-breakers in a true partner.


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## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> Yes, and you don't need as much caution when you are only dating for fun, and not looking for a LTR...it makes it easier to overlook smaller things that might be deal-breakers in a true partner.


I have been finding that even the small things are turning me away from even dating for fun. Maybe I am to touchy because of what happened? I don't know


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## LisaDiane

Numb26 said:


> I have been finding that even the small things are turning me away from even dating for fun. Maybe I am to touchy because of what happened? I don't know


Probably...plus you have alot in your life right now that IS serious, so it might be difficult for you to try to be casual with any relationship, because you are not really in a light-hearted, casual frame of mind. You have BIG responsibilities, and you are serious about those.


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## A18S37K14H18

Girl_power said:


> I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.


That's good. Knowing something is an issue is the first step.

Now that you KNOW this, what are you going to do about it?


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## PreRaph

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


I actually like older women. It guess it's because I'm older  

I have a lot of contact with younger women because I work at a university. Sure, more than a few of them are sexually very attractive but pursuing a relationship with one would be a _whole_ different story. Would they understand a thing about me? Could we communicate?
Older women know -- well most of the time. They know, they've been through a lot in their lives and most often have dealt with the ins and outs of love in all senses of the word, and they understand that life can really be **** but still we have to keep living and loving. There's just so much more I can communicate with them. And man, if they have kept themselves up over the years? Ouch, I'd run to one coast and back for them. 

But I'm married so I don't do that  Any my wife is 1 year older than me and i'm quite fine with that.


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## ConanHub

Women my age are hawt!!!


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## Diana7

PreRaph said:


> I actually like older women. It guess it's because I'm older
> 
> I have a lot of contact with younger women because I work at a university. Sure, more than a few of them are sexually very attractive but pursuing a relationship with one would be a _whole_ different story. Would they understand a thing about me? Could we communicate?
> Older women know -- well most of the time. They know, they've been through a lot in their lives and most often have dealt with the ins and outs of love in all senses of the word, and they understand that life can really be **** but still we have to keep living and loving. There's just so much more I can communicate with them. And man, if they have kept themselves up over the years? Ouch, I'd run to one coast and back for them.
> 
> But I'm married so I don't do that  Any my wife is 1 year older than me and i'm quite fine with that.


Same as us. I am one year older than my hubby. I call him my toy boy 😊


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## minimalME

Diana7 said:


> Same as us. I am one year older than my hubby. I call him my toy boy 😊


I think that's the first off color thing I've ever read from you. 😂


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## Diana7

minimalME said:


> I think that's the first off color thing I've ever read from you. 😂


I slip a few things in now and again.😂


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## farsidejunky

ConanHub said:


> I appreciate your input and experience. The most recent ladies are in pretty regular situations throughout Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, New York and Maryland.
> 
> I've only had the one experience with the "pants checker" and I doubt she was a former prostitute.
> 
> I sincerely doubt the other woman are former prostitutes either as that would be pretty widespread.
> 
> I could be wrong and there could be a plague of former sex workers who are now living very regular lives but that doesn't seem likely to me.
> 
> I also do not invite special attention. I actually do a lot to avoid regular interaction but it sometimes can't be avoided.
> 
> I'm mostly convinced you just haven't experienced the situations where younger women really are making plays for older men. Regardless, I'm just relaying information on the subject.
> 
> I've never been involved in the music scene like you so I just take your word for it.


Having lived in West Virginia for over 7 years, I can tell you that there was no better place to find an easy lay.

It was at times puzzling to me how easy it was, and I didn't exactly experience that in nearly all of the multiple places I was stationed or lived. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## A18S37K14H18

Girl_power said:


> But for some reason, I can’t get past how “happy” he made me feel. It’s hard to explain. I think he just knows women, and knows what makes them feel good, and he’s super charming and I know he just had a lot of game. But at the end of the day, it made me feel good. Which is really freakin sad.


He could only make you "happy" because you weren't already happy yourself.

If you were happy with yourself, you wouldn't need others to make you "happy".

That so called charming man can't work his charm on women who are happy, who are self-confident, who feel good about themselves etc.

Go work on yourself and then you'll see that scum bags like this man will no longer have that affect on you.

I see you "blaming" him and playing the victim here.

You need to patch up and repair whatever holes exist in you that others may exploit. That's on you to do.

You must realize that guys with a lot of game still can't get every lady. Their charm and game only works on some women, women who seek validation from others, from outside instead of from themselves.


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## DownByTheRiver

Numb26 said:


> I have been finding that even the small things are turning me away from even dating for fun. Maybe I am to touchy because of what happened? I don't know


Maybe, maybe not. I mean, we do tend to keep picking our type, and if our type hasn't been working out but we're still attracted to that type, we are likely to see some common traits with someone from our past. I don't know how to stop that as I was like that myself, but I will say though there were certain things that drew me to them, each did have a different set of traits and behaviors despite that. None were just alike. 

I did have a lower standard for "just for fun," that's for sure. The key is keeping them from getting more serious or frequent than you intended since you don't take them seriously. Mine had other options as well, mostly, so it wasn't too much of an issue. Just don't go breaking hearts, that's all. Young women are often still idealistic and too trusting and get their hearts broken because of it. Bail when you see a heartbreak on the horizon, yours or theirs!


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## jonty30

ConanHub said:


> Women my age are hawt!!!


Older women do have advantages over younger women.


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## ConanHub

farsidejunky said:


> Having lived in West Virginia for over 7 years, I can tell you that there was no better place to find an easy lay.
> 
> It was at times puzzling to me how easy it was, and I didn't exactly experience that in nearly all of the multiple places I was stationed or lived.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


I actually liked that area. Maybe there's something in the air or water?😉


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## Livvie

A18S37K14H18 said:


> He could only make you "happy" because you weren't already happy yourself.
> 
> If you were happy with yourself, you wouldn't need others to make you "happy".
> 
> That so called charming man can't work his charm on women who are happy, who are self-confident, who feel good about themselves etc.
> 
> Go work on yourself and then you'll see that scum bags like this man will no longer have that affect on you.
> 
> I see you "blaming" him and playing the victim here.
> 
> You need to patch up and repair whatever holes exist in you that others may exploit. That's on you to do.
> 
> You must realize that guys with a lot of game still can't get every lady. Their charm and game only works on some women, women who seek validation from others, from outside instead of from themselves.


Yeah, I don’t agree with this general idea.

People participate in relationships because people and relationships do make them happy, but that doesn't mean they aren't also happy with themselves. 

There are some people I absolutely love being around and spending time with and being around them MAKES ME HAPPY and that's a healthy thing. Humans are social animals and humans love each other and find delight in each other. 

Seems like you are saying if you are happy with yourself you shouldn't find joy and happiness in relationships and connections with others and that's the opposite of true.


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## Divinely Favored

My wife is 3.5 yrs older than me, but she calls me daddy. Her coworkers call her a cougar. I said surely the age has to be more that 3.5 yrs to qualify for the title.


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## Diana7

Divinely Favored said:


> My wife is 3.5 yrs older than me, but she calls me daddy. Her coworkers call her a cougar. I said surely the age has to be more that 3.5 yrs to qualify for the title.


Definitely!


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## ConanHub

Divinely Favored said:


> My wife is 3.5 yrs older than me, but she calls me daddy. Her coworkers call her a cougar. I said surely the age has to be more that 3.5 yrs to qualify for the title.


She's clearly a predator! You poor boy.😉


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## farsidejunky

Livvie said:


> Yeah, I don’t agree with this general idea.
> 
> People participate in relationships because people and relationships do make them happy, but that doesn't mean they aren't also happy with themselves.
> 
> There are some people I absolutely love being around and spending time with and being around them MAKES ME HAPPY and that's a healthy thing. Humans are social animals and humans love each other and find delight in each other.
> 
> Seems like you are saying if you are happy with yourself you shouldn't find joy and happiness in relationships and connections with others and that's the opposite of true.


While I agree with this general sentiment, the poster you quoted isn't exactly wrong, either. 

Just extrapolate it a bit. 

Unhappy people will temporarily enjoy a boost when finding a potential partner, but will often fall back into their negative cycle once the new relationship energy begins to subside. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Divinely Favored

ConanHub said:


> She's clearly a predator! You poor boy.😉


Please don't throw me in that briar patch😋


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## A18S37K14H18

Girl_power said:


> I understand men like younger women. I get it. I know it’s biology. But it bothers me. I even find myself getting bitter about it and I don’t know what to do.
> 
> I see things or hear things about younger women and older men and I just focus on it and it bothers me and can affect my mood. I know social media is an absolute killer for my self esteem.
> 
> I guess I don’t really have a question. I know these are the facts of life and of aging.


Some men, heck many men or even most men do, but not all men.

I'm a lady in my mid-50's now, in my 3rd marriage and way back when in the 80's into the 2000's with my first husband, I completely missed all the older women in his life. To my (messed up thinking) way of thinking, we were young and they were "old" so it went completely over my head that he was "seeing" many of those women. 

When he and I were teens and in our early 20's, he was seeing women much older. Well, not seeing them, just having sex with them. Women in their 40's, 50's and even 60's.

My first husband went to law school and he met a nice lady and they became friends. I wasn't worried. Why? She was in her early 60's and my husband was 22 years old, as I was.

This lady was a 2nd year law student during my husbands first year. She was beyond rich, she'd never worked, she wasn't going to work after law school, she just wanted to go. She drove a late model 2 seat Mercedes sports car, she dressed to the nines and she even drove my husband home to our condo sometimes because we only had one car and I'd have to drop him off early at the law school each day as I had to be at school before the kids arrived and I had to be there all day so my husband would be at the law school for like 9 to 10 hours each day.

That lady would drive him home sometimes. He only had 2 classes on Tues to Thurs and 3 classes on Mon, Wed and Friday's so he was able to go home much earlier than I could and he did when that lady gave him a ride home (which I thought was nice of her to do).

Even though she was pretty, shapely, well off, smart and nice, I didn't care at all because she was OLD and it didn't compute to me that my husband would ever have sex with a lady that age.

There were many others and many of them were older.

We went to a new church one time and they were having a social after church in their gym, a pot luck and they invited us. We said no, we hadn't brought anything (it was our first time at that church ever) but we ended up going.

An older lady named Olivia made Jambalaya and my husband tried it and loved it (I tried it and didn't like it, not my cup of tea). Madeline was there with Olivia, her good friend. These women were like 50 years old to our being 30 years old and yep, he'd been having sex with them. He didn't know they went to that church.

On and on it went throughout the years.

Many years later and I do mean many, after his cheating came out and I divorced him, I talked to him about many things, including why older women.

He said they were confident, they were over/past playing games. He said they had become comfortable with themselves, they were over their hang-ups, they knew what they liked sexually etc. He said almost all were married and some of this was before the little blue pill and their husbands couldn't perform in the bedroom. He said they didn't want to date (obviously). He said the few that weren't married didn't want to date him either as he was too young, they just wanted to have sex and many men their age couldn't.

I looked past all the older women in our life because I thought nothing could happen with them and my husband.

I did worry about women my age and younger women, but sadly I didn't worry or think about older women.

It's only gotten worse in this day and age, compared to the 80's and 90's. Cougars are a thing and have been for a while and it's like anything goes now. Also, so much plastic surgery and many older women have money compared to when they were young and many women who are like 60 years old today look nothing like women who were 60 years old 30 plus years ago.


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## thunderchad

Younger women are more attractive and more fertile.

In my experience, they are also more fun and more energetic and have less baggage. 

I think women get resentful of men dating younger women because all the "good guys" are dating the younger women which leaves only lower quality men in their age bracket.


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## Livvie

[QUOT
E="thunderchad, post: 20475943, member: 353434"]
Younger women are more attractive and more fertile.

In my experience, they are also more fun and more energetic and have less baggage. 

I think women get resentful of men dating younger women because all the "good guys" are dating the younger women which leaves only lower quality men in their age bracket.
[/QUOTE]

I'm real life I see a lot of same age dating. I know men dating much younger women happens but perhaps not at the frequency you think.

Not all young women want a middle aged man. And many middle aged men don't want a younger woman who wants to have children


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## ccpowerslave

Livvie said:


> Not all young women want a middle aged man.


Wait are you sure? I think this contradicts some material I found online.


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## thunderchad

There's always exceptions but someone did a study. The results are interesting.


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## happyhusband0005

Livvie said:


> [QUOT
> E="thunderchad, post: 20475943, member: 353434"]
> Younger women are more attractive and more fertile.
> 
> In my experience, they are also more fun and more energetic and have less baggage.
> 
> I think women get resentful of men dating younger women because all the "good guys" are dating the younger women which leaves only lower quality men in their age bracket.


I'm real life I see a lot of same age dating. I know men dating much younger women happens but perhaps not at the frequency you think.

Not all young women want a middle aged man. And many middle aged men don't want a younger woman who wants to have children
[/QUOTE]
Personally if I found myself dating again I don't think I could date a much younger woman. I'm 45 and someone in her 20s would be in a way different stage of life. Plus it would be too big a mental leap dating someone who was born when I was in college. There's plenty of hot women closer to my age. 

A one time hookup is one thing, a relationship is different.


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## LisaDiane

thunderchad said:


> There's always exceptions but someone did a study. The results are interesting.
> View attachment 83365


Ugh...you are tiresome...

This "study" proves nothing. You could do the same for women, and the results would be the same with what age looks good to them. Newsflash -- younger people look "better" because they are younger...DUH.

I guess you are saying that men only want to be with women who LOOK good to them?? That's ridiculous.
Also, according to the male "gurus" on here, those are the most self-centered and hypergamous women out there...so...which is it??

So do I actually want to BE with a "hot" younger guy at his physical peak?? NO. Because a loving relationship that meets my needs will be with a man who is a total package that fits ME. And if I love him, he will be the most attractive man in the world TO ME, and I won't even notice other men, no matter how they look.


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## ThatDarnGuy!

thunderchad said:


> Younger women are more attractive and more fertile.
> 
> In my experience, they are also more fun and more energetic and have less baggage.
> 
> I think women get resentful of men dating younger women because all the "good guys" are dating the younger women which leaves only lower quality men in their age bracket.


Yeah, they are more fertile and energetic. But they are usually immature, very little wisdom, and you can pretty much throw commitment out of the window.... A lot of them just have a strong biological urge to get pregnant.


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## ConanHub

thunderchad said:


> Younger women are more attractive and more fertile.
> 
> In my experience, they are also more fun and more energetic and have less baggage.
> 
> I think women get resentful of men dating younger women because all the "good guys" are dating the younger women which leaves only lower quality men in their age bracket.


You could be reading straight from a bitter bachelor post, podcast or YouTube video.

Younger people are attractive and more vital or virile if you will.

You should speak for yourself because this man is in no danger from younger women turning my head.

I have to keep my defenses up with older women because they have a real chance at seduction.


----------



## thunderchad

LisaDiane said:


> This "study" proves nothing. You could do the same for women, and the results would be the same with what age looks good to them. Newsflash -- younger people look "better" because they are younger...DUH.


This study did women too.


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## thunderchad

@ConanHub 
Well the OP did literally say she's resentful her man left her and went with a younger woman so...


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## Mr. Nail

This was a serious thread started by a long term poster who was going through a tough time. As a result I didn't give this thread the bitter and sarcastic reply it so richly deserves. And in respect for the OP, I will continue to do so.


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## BigDaddyNY

I've always like the idea that my wife is a few years older than me. It doesn't seem like that big of a difference now that we are in our 50s, but when I was 17 it felt awesome to say I had a 20 year old GF, lol.


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## BigDaddyNY

BigDaddyNY said:


> I've always like the idea that my wife is a few years older than me. It doesn't seem like that big of a difference now that we are in our 50s, but when I was 17 it felt awesome to say I had a 20 year old GF, lol.


Not to mention she was my hookup for beer, lol. It was kind of silly. I was in the freaking Army and married, but since I was 18 I couldn't buy beer, so I had to send my wife into the store for me.


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## ccpowerslave

Interesting I found a study from “RheddPyll Institute of Learning” which looked at women’s preferences and it looked like:


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## happyhusband0005

thunderchad said:


> This study did women too.
> 
> View attachment 83366


So Guys want younger women but women want guys around their own age. The thing is this is about who looks best to them, not necessarily who they would pursue for a relationship.


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## thunderchad

happyhusband0005 said:


> So Guys want younger women but women want guys around their own age. The thing is this is about who looks best to them, not necessarily who they would pursue for a relationship.


Anecdotal evidence evidence since the beginning of human civilization would say men marry younger women more than women marry younger men. It's pretty much been that way forever.


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## thunderchad

Found some science on it, LOL.









Marrying women 15 years younger maximized men's evolutionary fitness in historical Sami


Most men marry younger women. This has been attributed to men selecting young women due to their high reproductive value and women preferring older men due to their wealth and high social status. Such mate preferences have been suggested to be adaptive, ...




www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov


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## Deejo

This is just pot stirring at this point. If the OP wants to revisit, we'll open it back up.


----------

