# Normal or Just Plain "Tacky"?



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

My divorce is really getting messy. This week provided a couple of chapters for the ole book everyone is telling me to write. Mediation was definitely a new experience. One thing stood out and currently has my attention. My MIL had given my husband a list of items she had given me over the years that she wants returned to her. Of course, I was taught that once an item was given to someone, it is theirs to keep. However, she really expects about four items to be returned. I have no problem giving three of the items back. But, my issue is just how "tacky" she is being. After all, it is her son who walked away from the marriage. Has anyone else dealt with this aspect of MIL behavior while going through a divorce?


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

Wow that is very bad and in my opinion she has no right... at all. A gift given is no longer yours.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

827Aug~

This is easy. Consider two things simultaneously: 

a) The pain in your behind-end that it will be always hearing how you "owe her" yada yada yada

vs.

b) The actual joy, enjoyment, pleasure, usage that you get from the item. 

Just because her son is divorcing you does not entitle her to ITEM ONE from you. That is between you and him, and if he wants the item back, he can ask for it and give it to MommyDearest. Make sense? The mediation and divorce are between you and XH not you and XH and His Mother!  

By the same token, it is entirely conceivable that she will dog you forever giving you grief about "thus and such item" when that item is not really something you need for life. For example, if it's some darn "china" or something let her have it, get her the heck out of your hair, and pick some china you like for your own self! No one can EVER take that then! Some of that is only "stuff" and it shows how trailer trashy she is that she butt her nose in.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Affaircare said:


> Some of that is only "stuff" and it shows how trailer trashy she is that she butt her nose in.


That's what I see as well. Fortunately, I'm not much into material things anyway. Three of the items are basically junk, but she thinks they are prized heirlooms. Everyone in my camp is laughing at how trashy these folks are to be such snobs. In some ways I will be more excited about getting rid of the in-laws than the husband. Hmmmm....and get to have a big house cleaning as well!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

My vote "tacky." 

I am sorry your divorce has taken so long. I hope you are at a endpoint soon!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Tell you will review everything and IF you don't want it any more she can lug it away quickly. Anything left over after a month gets tossed or donated. Assuming she doesn't want a piano or all the furniture.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

During our divorce proceedings initiated by her cheating son(to whom she still does not believe he cheated) she made a stupid comment how I was trying to clean her son's bank account with the divorce(hello I did not file!). Basically calling me a gold digger.

That really upset me because like you I am not into materialistic things no matter how pricey they are. That's just how I am. So I collected all the jewlery I have received from my ex H, some of it small gifts from her(but nothing pricey) and gave it all back to my ex H to give it to her. At first my ex did not wanted to take it but then he took it. I kept the wedding/engagement ring(still sitting in a bank safety deposit box).

To be honest with you I could have sold the jewlery, like many people told me but it makes me feel better by giving it all back to them. And I made sure that if anyone ask I tell them what she said to me. So it makes her look trashy. Even if I sold all that it would have not added God know how much to my financial budget. Besides I did not marry my ex H because of status and money for sure.

So I would say whatever it is give it back to her and with that you have closed a chapter in your life and you don't have to ever deal with her. And the people in her camp will eventually see through her. She is probably like that with everyone else.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

There is one item I'm torn as what to do with though. It is a complete set of sterling silver flatware. It was given to us as a wedding present by the MIL. There again it was a present that she now wants back. It was my understanding at the time it should be passed down to the oldest male child--it is all engraved. Since I will be changing my name, I certainly have no use for it. However, I want it to go to my son when he marries. As crazy as the MIL and stbx are who knows what will happen with it. The stbx has a whole string of YOUNG women, so he will most likely have another crop of children. And as we all know how these scenarios play out, they will end up with things that were meant for my children. I'm trying to think of a nice way to decline on this one. Everything else she has given me over the years, she can have. She can win "The Most Tacky" award for sure!


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## BluePink (Apr 2, 2011)

Some very good advice here. My opinion about the silverware is, let her know you're keeping it for your son so that it will continue to pass down the bloodlines of her family. If she still pisses and moans about it, she truly is not out for anyones' best interests but her own.

I think you're being very very generous in giving her ANYTHING back but I can understand that, since she's the grandmother of your kid(s), you do want to keep the peace to a certain extent. 

Good luck, 827Aug!! Let us know how it turns out!!


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

:iagree: :iagree:

I believe I would tell her that the silverware has already been designated for <oldest son> as a gift when he gets married, and that you are more than willing to return A, B and C but that the silverware is no longer yours to give away. If she wants to take it from her GRANDSON, she would need to speak with your exH about it.  

What kind of person takes "things" away from a grandchild?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I'm glad to see the consensus of opinions is in agreement with what my mother, brother, and I discussed. Since my stbx tells me and everyone else I'm an irrational, psychotic b**ch, I do like to get others' opinions from time to time. 

I'm going to keep the silverware for my son. She can have everything else. I guess how nasty it gets will depend on her. I did find my brother's suggestion to be humorous though. He told me to make a list of all things I have given her over the years. If she makes a big fuss over the silver, then present her with my list of items I want returned. I wonder how that would go over?! lol

My attorney was rather disgusted with the stbx at the mediation session last week. I do believe he has a special surprise for him this week. When this gets over I will share. But, in the meantime, thanks for the support everyone.


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