# can't I stop loving this man I hate so much



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I started this thread for Jacque... it's not about my life but hers.

Where do I begin...we met in 1998, married in 99. He made me feel safe, protected and at least I thought "loved". It was all a farce. I have been verbally, physically and emotionally abused. He is an alcoholic passive aggressive prick who continues to make my life a living hell. He has never apologized for anything. I am the one who does just to have peace in the home. Whatever I do it's wrong to him. Just last week he pretty much told me he doesn't care anymore. I said let's talk about it. He never wants to communicate. Everything goes under the rug, till that same problem comes back again. Wash,rinse repeat..His drinking is getting worse to where he drinks an 18-24 pack of beer a day. The next morning is so scary because that's when he is so mean. Yesterday I went to visit my parents. When I returned he locked me out of my bedroom. I asked him please to unlock the door. Finally, I said I would call the police and get a restraining order. He opened the door violently and came at me with his fist in the air. I looked at him and said, "get your last shot in before you go to jail" He put his fist down and then proceeded to call me a c*nt at least 20 times. The b word another 20. Oh, and said he hopes I die in my sleep. This was because I asked him to open the door. 

Here is the kicker. I am a smart, mature , educated woman. Why can't I stop loving this man I hate so much.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I started this thread for Jacque. She said that she could not copy the above post w/her IPad. So I did it for her. She needs her own thread.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jacque, I don't think you love him.. after all you hate him.

I think you love the idea of the man you married. He's not the man you thought you married.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Get out before you leave the house in a body bag. That guy is ready to go postal.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Jacque that is terrible to read.

Please look out for yourself. If he is that close to snapping you need to act before it is too late.

The only reason he didn't strike you was fear of consequences and he just replaced it with verbal abuse instead. Nothing to do with respect or love. Fear stayed his hand. At some point he will lash out before the fear of consequences can hold him back.

Love is no respecter of brains, maturity or education. When it gets out of line, like now, it is a fight to get it into line but it is a fight you need to have.

That man needs serious help, seriously soon but not from you.


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## Jacque (Mar 3, 2013)

Thank you for your replies. He told me tonight he is leaving. Why does it hurt my heart when I know I should be relieved.


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## Jacque (Mar 3, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Jacque, I don't think you love him.. after all you hate him.
> 
> I think you love the idea of the man you married. He's not the man you thought you married.




I hope there is always a chance that man comes back.


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## Jacque (Mar 3, 2013)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> Get out before you leave the house in a body bag. That guy is ready to go postal.




It is escalating.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Let him go. It is for the best. Stay out of the way while he does so.

It really does sound like he has major issues to resolve but only he can do that. Time to look to yourself.


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## Jacque (Mar 3, 2013)

I guess I am afraid to be alone. I never have.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Jacque said:


> I guess I am afraid to be alone. I never have.


I am getting out of a very long marriage. And, yes, I will be alone. There are many things in this world worse than being alone. You are living one of them.

Be strong.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Jacque said:


> I guess I am afraid to be alone. I never have.


Neither have I ...until now. 

I've gone from relationship to relationship..etc...never having been single/alone...(not a brag...my life is unfortunate...long story)

Jacque...how you live now...honey..you 'are' alone... 

being free from abuse is just a different kind of alone...a safer better way to be...it's scary at first but it's ok... I'm 47...and for the first time...'alone' and you know what? I'm not gonna die...

Your not gonna die! You will make it.. but you may not if you stay... the price your paying now staying with him is far too great.. you need to to find 'yourself'... get your self respect back...your self esteem... get all kinds of your 'selfs' back! You need to step out...step up...and just 'do it' and iron out the wrinkles later....as you go...like I"m doing... 

you won't 'die'...you won't... you will be ok....


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## Jacque (Mar 3, 2013)

Today I woke up and actually feel better about moving forward. It's funny how your feelings swing back and forth. I told him to leave today. I found strength from my son. He said to me "mom, we are going to be ok". He is right. That's today....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sometimes we need to look at the trend and not at the moment. Your emotions will be all over the place as you adjust to life without him. But over the long run, not being around the abuse will make your life better.


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## Jacque (Mar 3, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Sometimes we need to look at the trend and not at the moment. Your emotions will be all over the place as you adjust to life without him. But over the long run, not being around the abuse will make your life better.




I think the scary thing will be supporting myself and making decisions on my own. What's that like.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

A few of us are in the same boat here. Since 17, I think I have been 'single' for 6 months pre marriage. Separation is at 4 months now so i have almost equaled that heh.

I am equal parts excited and scared of finding out who I am when not half of a couple. We can all find out together.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

It can be very scary. I know I have been scared, and it's hard.

But it does get easier. Soon you will wonder why you were ever with him.

Please try and get some counseling, so that you can work on why you stayed with this man, and a good lawyer so he does not bully you into leaving you with nothing. 

You probably mourn the future you thought you would have together, but he will never give you that future. 

You deserve so much more, a full and happy life.

Good luck.


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## Jacque (Mar 3, 2013)

Yes, it does sound exciting and scary at the same time. I told him to take whatever he wants. Everything is replaceable. I just want peace and stability in my life. Again I wake up ok. Let the day begin. I can't wait to come home from work and he is gone. Then I can start really healing.


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