# Friends with Benefits, does it work?



## a.mckay26 (Dec 16, 2010)

I'm not sure if this is the right section to post, but here we go:

I am getting divorced, it will be finalized in the next 2 months. We have been separated for 6 months and in a sexless marriage for a long time before that. I don't want to date (I know I am not ready), but I would like to have sex. And I don't want to hook up with random guys from a bar. I was thinking about setting up a Friends with Benefits type situation with someone I met through work. I know he is more than interested and he is safe, clean and respectful. 

My question is, has anyone ever done this before? Any advice?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Oh yeah. I thought that was a great idea, too! I was divorced, single dad with two kids. I latched onto a woman I wasn't particularly interested in, but she said she wasn't looking for a relationship, either. She helped me with the kids. I gave her a place to stay, some companionship, and a little money. Yeah, we knocked boots on occasion. She decided she was in love and wanted to get married, so she secretly quit taking birth control and got pregnant. If you do jump into such an arrangement, make sure YOU take care of the birth control, even if she says she's sterile, on birth control, or whatever. I'd recommend not moving in with her, not entering into any business agreements, and I'd recommend putting a time table on it, just so nobody gets confused.


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## sailorgirl (Jun 9, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Oh yeah. I thought that was a great idea, too! I was divorced, single dad with two kids. I latched onto a woman I wasn't particularly interested in, but she said she wasn't looking for a relationship, either. She helped me with the kids. I gave her a place to stay, some companionship, and a little money. Yeah, we knocked boots on occasion. She decided she was in love and wanted to get married, so she secretly quit taking birth control and got pregnant. If you do jump into such an arrangement, m*ake sure YOU take care of the birth control, even if she says she's sterile, on birth control, or whatever. * I'd recommend not moving in with her, not entering into any business agreements, and I'd recommend putting a time table on it, just so nobody gets confused.


Since the poster is a female, I don't think she will be getting the guy from work pregnant or anything.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

But he might fall in love with her. Which in turn might cause all kinds of complications in her life.


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## sailorgirl (Jun 9, 2010)

SadSamIAm said:


> But he might fall in love with her. Which in turn might cause all kinds of complications in her life.


Of course that is always a possibility, or she might fall in love with him. I was just amused at the idea of her getting him pregnant  If only biology worked that way.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Casual sex has a tendency to become more then that, at least in our case...

Stage 1) Friends
Stage 2) Emotional Affair
Stage 3) Friends (After breakup with ex)
Stage 4) Friends with Benefits
Stage 5) Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Stage 6) Breakup
Stage 7) Friends (After reconciliation)
Stage 8) Friends with Benefits
Stage 9) Baby bells!
Stage 10) Marriage

That pretty much sums up the missus and I's relationship.


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

I lost my virginity to a close friend. Neither of us was in love with the other and agreed to the arrangement. I think we both went threw a period of infatuation for the other. At some point we both decided we wanted something more and that something more wouldn't be from the other person. We were both sad for a few days and then just drifted apart. 

I think it can work so both people are honest and you set ground rules. I dated while sleeping with him but didn't sleep anyone else. When I started wanting a relationship or wanted to start having sex with the men I dated I recognized our relationship needed to stop.


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## Z3R0_KAT (Jan 8, 2011)

a.mckay26 said:


> I'm not sure if this is the right section to post, but here we go:
> 
> I am getting divorced, it will be finalized in the next 2 months. We have been separated for 6 months and in a sexless marriage for a long time before that. I don't want to date (I know I am not ready), but I would like to have sex. And I don't want to hook up with random guys from a bar. I was thinking about setting up a Friends with Benefits type situation with someone I met through work. I know he is more than interested and he is safe, clean and respectful.
> 
> My question is, has anyone ever done this before? Any advice?



is it someone you work with? or someone u met from someone at your work? if its someone that works with you. dont. i have crossed that line and let me tell you, at some point the "friends with benefits" will have to end... and when it does and your still working together...can be very awkward. so i wouldnt suggest it if he is your co-worker.


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## a.mckay26 (Dec 16, 2010)

Thanks for the insight! He is not my co-worker, we met because our companies were working on a project together. That project is done now so I wont work with him again in a professional setting.

I don't plan on getting him pregnant  nor am I planning on living with him or setting up any kind of business agreement. 

I really just want this to be a fun way to blow off some steam with a safe person.


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## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

How do you do that? Just have sex with someone just because you need it? I'm niave I guess. If I need off, I got toys for that. I'd feel bad, or used, if a friend just wanted me for sex to get off. Even if I agreed, I think the passion and desire would release more emotions and then create more pain for self as I'd probably want more. But, that's me.

Never been permiscuous so may be that's my issue. Good luck.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Reminds me of a movie! 

A woman asked her male co-worker if he wanted to be her " ****-buddy "!

I am not against that, real meat and real body are better than toys. 

But not getting emotional involved is difficult! And it also hinders the future relationship!


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

It can work...but the ground work has to be done in advance. There is always the risk that feelings will develop...have you planned an escape in case that happens? Would you recognize it if it did (on either part)? 
I don't believe one to be promiscuous if that person is having a casual sexual relationship with someone they know. Just b/c they have no plans for the future with the person doesn't mean they're promiscuous. Jumping from one person to the next would mean promiscuity, imho. 
If you don't EVER want a relationship with this person, then go for it. Just lay ground rules in advance, and set a time limit on it.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I was in one way back when....

He came by my work every time he felt like *it* and I did the same....

It was fun and went on for a good 6 months....then I met my now ex-husband and moved.....


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

I've had five FWB relationships in the last 22 years. As long as you can keep things sex only they work fine. If your buddy starts to want to get serious then things get complicated and the drama starts and this creates a lot of stress which basically ruins the fun.

A few tips: they should live close. You don't want to waste time driving to and from. Every minute you are in the car is a minute shaved off your time together. Someone within a 15 minute drive is best, especially if you only have an hour or two to spare.

If you are a guy make sure she doesn't wear any kind of perfume and if you shower at her place before going home bring your own soap from home as almost all soaps are perfumed and your wife will smell something different.

Go to the various websites set up to help husbands or wives catch their cheating spouses. Study these carefully and avoid making the mistakes that'll get you busted.

Never have a FWB who is single. A single person will always want more than you give give them. Try to find someone in the same situation as you, preferably someone who is no longer having sex in their marriage. Why share them when you don't have to? Plus people in sexless marriages appreciate the sex a lot more.

Never use you cell to talk or text your FWB and always pay cash for hotels and motels.

Even if you follow all these guidelines having a sex buddy is still going to add stress to your life, especially if you are a lousy liar. Try to anticipate any question your spouse may ask you so you don't get caught up.

In the end it really boils down to the question is the sex worth the hassle? If you yourself are in a sexless marriage it usually is. If you are just bored and looking for some strange it's a matter of how good you are at handling the stress. In my case the FWB sexual relationships were the only sex I was getting so it was worth it.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Tell him clearly that "Girls only want to have fun!" before you screw his brains off....


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

I had plenty of friends with benefits arrangements when i used to be single, and I was trying to work out what my sexual orientation was. I quite enjoyed it. A LOT more fun than married sex (sorry guys) because you still have the thrill of the chase which to me, is waaaayyyy better than sex itself. 

My advice would be, don't do it if you are a jealous person and don't do it if you are one of those people for whom sex and love is interconnected. For me sex and love are mutually exclusive so I had no problems. If you think you can keep the two separate then go for it! A lot of fun!


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## *Betty* (Jan 12, 2011)

Make sure whomever you choose as your partner is clear what the situation is and isn't going to get emotional. You might want to avoid adding to the relationship, avoid introducing them to family and adding dates, stuff like that. Because then the line may get blurred.

For me, I couldn't work with a FWB relationship. I would get attached. Just be careful.


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## *Betty* (Jan 12, 2011)

HelloooNurse said:


> I had plenty of friends with benefits arrangements when i used to be single, and I was trying to work out what my sexual orientation was. I quite enjoyed it. A LOT more fun than married sex (sorry guys) because you still have the thrill of the chase which to me, is waaaayyyy better than sex itself.
> 
> My advice would be, don't do it if you are a jealous person and *don't do it if you are one of those people for whom sex and love is interconnected.* For me sex and love are mutually exclusive so I had no problems. If you think you can keep the two separate then go for it! A lot of fun!


:iagree:


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

a.mckay26 said:


> Thanks for the insight! He is not my co-worker, we met because our companies were working on a project together. That project is done now so I wont work with him again in a professional setting.
> 
> I don't plan on getting him pregnant  nor am I planning on living with him or setting up any kind of business agreement.
> 
> I really just want this to be a fun way to blow off some steam with a safe person.


For starters, I've never really been in this type of arrangement specifically. So I can't say for certain, but I would say this - on the surface it sounds convenient, but in reality, I doubt it ever really works out. Someone eventually will want more out of the relationship. I'm sure there are situations, where they just move on or stay "just friends" or whatever, but I'd bet the house on that's the exception not the rule. At first, I'm sure you'll be happy just to be intimate with someone again, but after awhile, my guess is that it'll end up being more trouble than it was worth.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Casual sex has a tendency to become more then that, at least in our case...
> 
> *Stage 1) Friends*
> Stage 2) Emotional Affair
> ...



the bolded sums us up


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