# On the verge of separation/divorce and having feelings for another man



## TurquoiseSea (Mar 2, 2011)

I've been with my husband for nearly ten years, but it's been a very rocky and unfulfilling ten years. I've stayed mainly because of the kids and also because I have no local support network and it would have been hard to set myself up. Now things are a little different and I'm feeling like it's time to make a move. But, I'm worried about the kids, I feel horrible about hurting my husband and I'm not sure if I'll regret it all later. But I'm miserable, counseling didn't work at all and he refuses to even try to change. I don't love him, I haven't in years.

I've met someone else who is my superior for the moment (next couple of months) and I really like him and I know he's attracted to me, too. I guess my question is: How the hell am I going to manage all this juggling, be honest with everyone, work out the timing and, most importantly, make it easier on the kids? Just to be clear, I've never cheated on anyone, ever, and I don't plan to start now. But I also don't want to lose an opportunity to be with this person.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

TurquoiseSea said:


> I've been with my husband for nearly ten years, but it's been a very rocky and unfulfilling ten years. I've stayed mainly because of the kids and also because I have no local support network and it would have been hard to set myself up. Now things are a little different and I'm feeling like it's time to make a move. But, I'm worried about the kids, I feel horrible about hurting my husband and I'm not sure if I'll regret it all later. But I'm miserable, counseling didn't work at all and he refuses to even try to change. I don't love him, I haven't in years.
> 
> I've met someone else who is my superior for the moment (next couple of months) and I really like him and I know he's attracted to me, too. I guess my question is: How the hell am I going to manage all this juggling, be honest with everyone, work out the timing and, most importantly, make it easier on the kids? Just to be clear, I've never cheated on anyone, ever, and I don't plan to start now. But I also don't want to lose an opportunity to be with this person.


You may have not "cheated" yet but the fact that you already have a backup man in place will make you look like a cheating *****. Do the right thing and please file the paperwork and discuss this rationally with your STBX. Don't bring another penis into the picture until you give your current marriage time to die merciful death.

My buddys wife divorced him A few years back and within two weeks she was banging another man. Well even though she divorced him she still gave the impression of a cheater by seeing another man before the ink was dry on the divorce decree.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I'm not going to judge you concerning the feelings for another. But I will encourage you to resolve the situation with your husband, and if you choose to divorce, give yourself some time to really get to know yourself before considering a relationship. So many times, when people see that other option, they are not thinking clearly, and these relationships fail.

I say this because it is really relevant to me. A woman recently started to work in my office. I noticed that she was looking at me ... kind of meaningfully. I kept things professional. Still, in a different life, I could see us being interested in each other. Got a phone message from her husband a couple of months ago, 'just informing me that she had the hots', but they were already in a rocky patch (unfortunatly, my personal number is listed in our work directory due to the nature of my job). Then, he just ... vented, even though she told him that I wasn't even aware of the feelings. What I'm getting at in a roundabout way is that I consider myself a decent guy. I would never let myself have a relationship with someone in a relationship, especially a rocky one. It's like taking advantage of a person, more or less. Are you sure you want to let these feeling evolve?

If things are going to end in the relationship, just don't accept that this chance occurance will present you with your best mate for life. And ask yourself if your husband at least needs to know that you are leaving, and has time to process it before you are with another guy. Some serious feelings of resentment are looming that you one day may regret.


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## BundleofGuilt (Oct 22, 2012)

I so understand what you are going through, even though this post is over a year and a half old. I am also attracted to someone that is not my husband, and in fact just posted a thread asking for advice. We do not have kinds so people may think it would be easier (compared to your situation) but it is really not. My question to you would be, is it the first time you feel that way towards someone other than your husband? What if you were to find out that the person you are attracted to has someone else in their life or he is not that into you? would that change the urgency of your desire to get a divorce??? Any way...how did things work out for you?


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