# My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me



## 2beagooddad

Hello forum,

I registed just to get some feedback from some unbiased people about my situation. I just got married 6 weeks ago and I love everything about my wife except for the fact that in her words, she "hates the fact I have a daughter" from a previous relationship. I pick up my daughter every wednesday and every other friday and try to do fun things with her, but my wife just treats this beautiful 3 year old girl like she is the plague. She won't say hello to her unless my daughter says hello first, she even has admitted to given her dirty looks out of jealously, she hates the fact that I always tell my daughter how cute and beautiful she looks today, and has even called my daughter a "brat", "spoiled", and "ugly" behind her back to me. She also refers to my daughter as my ex's daughter and that my daughter is only 50% mine not 100% because it's with my ex. Her jealously of my ex runs so deep that she even gets mad when my ex's 5 year old daughter says hello to me and wants to give me a hug when I go to pick my daughter up. She then calls the 5 year-old "ugly" and has "huge ears" when we get to my car and gets mad becuase I tell her to knock it off. She also tells me that when we have a daughter that our daughter is going to be the "cutest" girl ever and gets mad at me because I say that I would never call one of my daughter's cuter than the other. It is so childish and petty, but it absolutely breaks my heart to see my little girl getting talked about like this when she does nothing but treat my wife good. She is an innocent child. I love EVERYTHING about my wife EXCEPT for this, but it is a MAJOR EXCEPTION. We keep having arguments about it because I ask her why the hell did she ever even date me(forget marrying me) when I told her the first 15 minutes I met her that I had a daughter and loved her so much. I spoil my wife so good and do everything for her, but she simply can't accept the fact I have a daughter and it crushes me. I feel like a bad father because I am even scared to shower my little girl with love and compliments when my wife is around because I don't want to see her get mad, roll her eyes, or ignore me all day. It is really a terrible situation and it is waying on my conscience so bad. I really feel like a bad father because I don't even have my little girl sleep over my house because I don't want to deal with the moodiness from my wife over it. It really sucks and I want to be a great dad and have my daughter grow up loving me to death. I am blessed to have a good financial situation and I'm even scared to buy my little girl things here and there(even though I can afford it) because my wife thinks I pay too much child support. Any advice would be appreciated. I'm seriously thinking of divorce because I can't deal with this much longer. She keeps telling me she will change, but I never see it. She rags on my ex 24/7 daily even though I don't even talk to my ex ever. Sorry for the long post, but I needed to get everything said.


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## sirch

Kick your wife out the door and continue to be the best dad ever. Your daughter comes first and please do not have children with your current wife. She is not mature enough for parenthood.


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## michzz

*Deal killer for me*

Why in God's name did you marry this woman?

Your daughter's happiness and well-being are being sacrificed for this marriage.

Your wife is stunning in her cruelty towards her.

If I were you, I'd get this marriage annulled and protect my daughter from this diatribe.

It will never improve. Your wife is a nut.


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## preso

Your daughter is only 3.......... not like some terrorizing, immature loud mouthed punky teenager with a bad attitude, which is the case with my husbands adult daughter.
I can't stand my husbands daughter either but she has done many things to both me and my husband, has many unrealitic expecations, is immature, aggressive and demanding since I met him when she was 15...
now that she is an adult we have distanced ourselkves from her due to her behavior...
BUT IN YOUR SITATION, since your daughter is only 3..........
I'd say your wife is being very unrealitic and MEAN !!!
My gosh your daughters only 3 !

If you choose to stay married, its going to be a bumpy ride for you.


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## 2beagooddad

Unfortunately, I think you guy's are right. I mistakingly thought marriage would change her knowing she had security, but even that did not change a thing. Plus, the last thing in this world I would ever want to do is to have another daughter and have my 1st daughter think I loved my 2nd daughter more because my wife treats her like gold and my daughter like she doesn't exist. It really sucks and it has gotten progressively worse since she moved in with me over a year ago. She even had the audacity to say to me "what happens if something happens to your ex and your daughter has to live here". I mean, she thinks I'm going to not take my daughter in? We have 4 empty bedrooms for goodness sakes. The thing that really stinks is I even let her 18 year-old brother sleep over almost every weekend to make her happy thinking she would at least treat my daughter good when I pick her up every wednesday, but even that does not get her to change her ways. I've tried everything. It's so bad that I bought my daughter two barbie dolls last week at Walmart for $20 and my wife, who is 25, wanted me to buy her the $50 barbie doll. She used to collect them, but it was obvious to me that she just wanted me to buy it because she was jealous I was buying my daughter a couple dolls. I understand being a little jealous that I have a kid with an ex, but I just can't understand why it has to be like this.


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## Sensitive

I met my stepdaughter when she was 4, and I dated 4 years before marrying my husband, because I knew I had to accept that this daughter will always be a part of my husband's life. I was deeply mistaken that she would be independent at age 18, and now she is the root cause of our financial troubles. I have always been jealous that my husabnd would jump at every chance she gets to see his daughter. Even after having two sons with my husband, I still feel he devotes more time to his daughter. I also think this girl is not my daughter, and I treat her like any other child. I think it is showing respect to not invade her mother's territory and act motherly to my stepdaughter. Are you sure she actually hates a 3 year old, or is she just hating the fact that she is a product of your previous marriage?


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## LaBella

I believe you knew your answer even before you post it. Your wife knew you had a daughter and if she is acting like that, then just dump her a** out.

I have a friend that when thru about the same, in his case he left his 1st wife and 2 kids for the 2nd wife, and the 2nd wife hate it the kids with a passion, he could not even have them for half the summer because she will mistrwat them. Until my friend just paked up and left without looking back. 

Leave before is to late, and please, please please, do not have a child with your wife, she will make you suffer for it.


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## preso

How can anyone hate a 3 year old so much?
Kids at that age are sooooooooooo cute.

?
your wife has some serious issues. I agree to not have kids with her.


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## kozzy

Very sorry for you situation. You're not going to change the way you feel about your daughter, and you'll NEVER change your wife's attitude towards her. All you can change is your relationship with one of them, and based on your description it sounds like an obvious choice, although certainly not an easy one.

I'm sorry if you came here looking for some magic bullet that would make everything turn out swell. You know what you have to do. Do it.


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## MsStacy

2beagooddad said:


> I really feel like a bad father because I don't even have my little girl sleep over my house because I don't want to deal with the moodiness from my wife over it. It really sucks and I want to be a great dad and have my daughter grow up loving me to death. I am blessed to have a good financial situation and I'm even scared to buy my little girl things here and there(even though I can afford it) because my wife thinks I pay too much child support.


:FIREdevil: Wow. This makes my blood boil. :FIREdevil:

You are sacrificing your daughter for your wife. YOU are allowing your wife's actions to dictate YOUR actions towards your daughter. Your wife is an adult, and it is time you stand up to her and expect her to act like one, or kick her out the door. TODAY. 

Your daughter doesn't get to stay the night at your house because of your wife? ARE YOU SERIOUS?? Wife's brother stays the weekend but your very own 3 year old daughter doesn't stay the night???? Grow a set of balls and use them! BE A FATHER! You will not get this time back with your daughter. You are missing out on so much, and unfortunately, your daughter is losing. 

Eventually your daughter is going to be old enough to understand what is going on. She will KNOW that her father chose another woman (and possibly more children) over her. She will know that she was not important enough to her father for him to fight for her, do what is right for her, or even consider her his priority.

There is so much more I could say....this is just totally insane to me. Don't allow this to happen another day. Either your wife grows up (IMMEDIATELY) or she's gone. Enough time has gone by already. Don't allow this woman to damage your daughter, or your relationship with your daughter any more than she already has. Don't leave your litle girl behind. Your wife had the option and made a decision to be a part of this family....your daughter didn't have a choice.

*PUT YOUR DAUGHTER FIRST!*


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## amberlynn

I dont even know where to begin.. 

My mom and dad divorced when I was only 4-5 months old..he remarried, had my lil sister with this other woman, divorced her serveral years down the road, remarried, and started raising my sister, and his 3rd wife's 2 kids as if they were his. I had to call and ask him to come pick me up, NEVER did he call and ask if I wanted to come spend the weekend, NEVER did he show up to a school event, NEVER was he there for my birthday.. why?? Because of my step-mom... He's had more to do with her kids then he has me.. and its due to her...she says jump and he'll ask how high.. Dont do this to your child, dont let your wife have the last say so, put your daughter first, have a relationship with her..dont let her grow up filled with hate and anger because her daddy put another woman first. Let her be greatful that her dad is in her life while shes growning up.. My dad didnt start coming around until I was out on my own and able to care for myself... Dont be that kind of dad...grow a back bone and stand up to what you call a wife.. she knew what she was getting into when she said "I do".. if she was any kind of wife/woman she wouldnt treat a 3 year old that way.. be a man... be a FATHER and stand up to her..shes just running you over, and is goin to continue doing so until you grow some balls.


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## michzz

MsStacy said:


> *PUT YOUR DAUGHTER FIRST!*


:iagree:


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## NothingMan

amberlynn said:


> I dont even know where to begin..
> 
> My mom and dad divorced when I was only 4-5 months old..he remarried, had my lil sister with this other woman, divorced her serveral years down the road, remarried, and started raising my sister, and his 3rd wife's 2 kids as if they were his. I had to call and ask him to come pick me up, NEVER did he call and ask if I wanted to come spend the weekend, NEVER did he show up to a school event, NEVER was he there for my birthday.. why?? Because of my step-mom... He's had more to do with her kids then he has me.. and its due to her...she says jump and he'll ask how high.. Dont do this to your child, dont let your wife have the last say so, put your daughter first, have a relationship with her..dont let her grow up filled with hate and anger because her daddy put another woman first. Let her be greatful that her dad is in her life while shes growning up.. My dad didnt start coming around until I was out on my own and able to care for myself... Dont be that kind of dad...grow a back bone and stand up to what you call a wife.. she knew what she was getting into when she said "I do".. if she was any kind of wife/woman she wouldnt treat a 3 year old that way.. be a man... be a FATHER and stand up to her..shes just running you over, and is goin to continue doing so until you grow some balls.



Dude, not for nothin', but she just told you to grow some balls. And she's right. When you chose to have a child (gratz btw kids are awesome) you pretty much gave up certain rights you used to have. Like in this case, you dont have the right to put someone before your daughter. You dont have the right to marry some woman who could hate a 3 year old. What woman hates a 3 year old girl? I question your judgement of character. Sounds like your daughter is going to be cinderella and you married the wicked step-mother.

Here's what ya do. Get an annulment, or a divorce if need be, and get your own place. A two bedroom place. Make one of the rooms your daughters room. Paint it pink. Put up flowery girly things. Dolls and princesses, unicorns and carebears or whatever it is girls like these days. Then, get as much custody as the state allows of your daughter. After that you devote the next 18 to 21 years of your life to being the best dad you can possibly be. Commit yourself to raising the best little girl the world has ever been graced to have walked upon it. After that, go back to doing what you thought you wanted to do before you did the best thing with your life you could have possibly done.

You'll find in the end, nothing else matter but that little girl. She needs you right now. NEEDS you. You owe it to her. Now, as the woman I quoted said, grow some balls and do it.


John


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## 1nurse

ECHO ECHO ECHO Divorce this woman immediately. You should NEVER EVER married her in the first place. My father sacrificed his own children's happiness to be with the witch he is with now. My mother died when I was 4 years old. I HATE this woman with a passion to this day and I'm 35 years old. I also resent the hell out of him for making the choice. Don't do this to your daughter. Skanks come and skanks go. Choose your daughter. Kick your wife to the curb. She should be FRIGGIN ashamed of herself.


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## Sensitive

Please keep in mind that not all women are destined to be great mothers. If you truly loved your wife, there is no reason why you can't reach an agreement. Maybe she can take a trip to her mother's while you spend one-on-one time with your daughter. When you buy gifts for your daughter, why is it such a burden to also buy a gift for your wife? I think your wife wants some attention, and she knows this daughter, although an innocent 3 year old, is totally capable of sapping every last bit of attention from you. If you do get a divroce and want to remarry, you will always run into the same problem. Not all women can be a Mrs. Brady. Blended families need work. There is nothing wrong with your courage because you love and respect your wife. Many successful marriage place the husband and wife ahead of the kids.


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## Country Girl

I'm with everyone else here! Get rid of that nasty wife and keep your daughter!!!!!


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## NothingMan

Sensitive said:


> Please keep in mind that not all women are destined to be great mothers. If you truly loved your wife, there is no reason why you can't reach an agreement. Maybe she can take a trip to her mother's while you spend one-on-one time with your daughter. When you buy gifts for your daughter, why is it such a burden to also buy a gift for your wife? I think your wife wants some attention, and she knows this daughter, although an innocent 3 year old, is totally capable of sapping every last bit of attention from you. If you do get a divroce and want to remarry, you will always run into the same problem. Not all women can be a Mrs. Brady. Blended families need work. There is nothing wrong with your courage because you love and respect your wife. Many successful marriage place the husband and wife ahead of the kids.


Your kidding. The woman has said the words "I hate your 3 year old daughter" I will grant you the point she doesnt have to be Mrs. Brady. But she cant be cruella de'ville either. If she is jealous of a 3 year old girl and needs gifts when the girl gets gifts, did he marry a 10 year old? 

Love and respect his wife, I agree. If it's deserving. I could not love or respect a woman who hated my daughter. Thats completely silly. If she loved and respected her husband she would love his daughter too, because she is part of him and thus him. Hating his daughter is basically saying she hates him. She is obviously not ready to be married to a man with kids. Not is she ready for her own. And further, she makes me believe even more in a test for parents to see if they can handle it before they are allowed to have kids.

Fine, Ill come out and say it. Having children should be a priviledge, not a right. Some people, like this woman, arent prepared for it. Maybe someday, but not now.

Which is the reason you need to separate from her as soon as possible. It could even be a dangerous situation for your daughter.


John


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## amberlynn

NothingMan said:


> Your kidding. The woman has said the words "I hate your 3 year old daughter" I will grant you the point she doesnt have to be Mrs. Brady. But she cant be cruella de'ville either. If she is jealous of a 3 year old girl and needs gifts when the girl gets gifts, did he marry a 10 year old?
> 
> Love and respect his wife, I agree. If it's deserving. I could not love or respect a woman who hated my daughter. Thats completely silly. If she loved and respected her husband she would love his daughter too, because she is part of him and thus him. Hating his daughter is basically saying she hates him. She is obviously not ready to be married to a man with kids. Not is she ready for her own. And further, she makes me believe even more in a test for parents to see if they can handle it before they are allowed to have kids.
> 
> Fine, Ill come out and say it. Having children should be a priviledge, not a right. Some people, like this woman, arent prepared for it. Maybe someday, but not now.
> 
> Which is the reason you need to separate from her as soon as possible. It could even be a dangerous situation for your daughter.
> 
> 
> John


:iagree:


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## srena200

I think most people here have give some great advice. I have a 15 year old but married and now have a 2 year old with my husband. If he EVER called my daughter one name or insulted her or demeaned her - there would have not been a second date let alone marriage. That is simply not acceptable. Not onlythat but a real woman would love the child as her own if she loves you that much. She sounds like a bad mother and a bag of crap. Lay it down and tell her your daughter and you are a package - if she does not like it - take a hike.


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## preso

2beagoodad, next time you should consider a woman with a child of her own from a previous marriage. I think she would be far more understanding and a better fit for you, as far as a marriage and relationship.

best wishes.


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## modernchica

Well, I have a lot of experience in this department. My husband has 2 kids, a boy and a girl. When we first started to date I experienced a lot of drama with the mother of his daughter. It put a strain on our relationship but we got through it. I have never really been jealous of his previous relationships but a part of me does wish that we could have started a family together. However, I met my husband with his 2 kids. So I knew good and well what I was getting myself into. His daughter visits us every now and then and it takes time for her to warm up b/c her mother talks so much trash about me. However, let me just say this, I have NEVER taken any of these "grown folk" issues out on the kids. I love them will all my heart. And that is how it should be. Your wife should automatically love your daughter b/c she is an extension of you. If she truly loves you she would love your daughter as well. Children are a blessing whether they are yours or not. I feel very saddened for your daughter b/c no child deserves to be mistreated under any circumstances. In my opinion a child should be oblivious to adult discord. But I also will say this. This is YOUR daughter so you are responsible to make sure that her life is safe and she is in a warm environment. You need to put your wife in her place. If she is not able to accept the fact that you have a daughter then BYE BYE she goes!


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## Corpuswife

You have your opinions here. I do agree with them.

Let's look at it another way: Suppose you stay married for 5, 10, 15 years or more to this woman. How do you think your daughter will be affected? Will she feel her Dad choose her over her step-mother? Will she not want to visit you...when she is a few years older? 

How would you feel if your DAD did this to you?


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## Mrs B

My husband took on my children as his own, he loves them like they are his own. Nothing else would have been acceptable for me. I never pushed the issue but I wouldn't have married him if I felt he didn't love them. Love me, love my kids or sod off. They come first, they rely on me to love and protect them and give them a stable loving home life and no one will ever treat my children in a bad way and live under my roof.

I can see hoping things will change but they are not going to. 

My step mum treated me that way. The most hurtful thing ever. My dad was always a disgusting vile man to me, but you seem like a loving devoted dad. Don't let them go through a world of hurt. They will resent you for life and they will also feel the pain for life. Trust me on this one- that pain never goes.


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## humpty dumpty

iwe have 2 boys i gave birth to and 2 girls we adoptted and i have a step son all our children get treated the same respected the same and all are very much loved .......

your daughter needs you to be there for her dont let your wife dammage that bond


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## preso

I just want to note something as its been on my mind....
to those who say " put your daughter first"
You should never put kids first. First is GOD... and then yourself and your relationship with GOD...
You do not put kids FIRST over your life. 

I agree he should leave this immature and selfish wife and not have kids with her, he should consider a partner who maybe has her own child already ( a better match)
but to put children over your life as the meaning and purpose of your life only serves to breed brats with a sense of entitlement.
I never liked that saying to put kids first and I think it was taken out of its original context to mean something else.


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## humpty dumpty

my children will always come first,to see them happy is everything to me and my husband . You cant let people treat children in that way . My children have been brought up to love and respect everyone and they do ..


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## preso

In my relationship we never put anything or any person above God. Kids don't come first. God does.
If my husband was not like that, I would NEVER have married him.

My husbands ex however, has told her daughter that kids come first and now that the daughter is an adult, it has resulted in the girl not only being spoiled and full of unrealisitc expecations, she even has come to her father asking for things saying "kids come first"... when he tells her she isn't a kid anymore and should get a job and start being responsible, she gets very angry, like he owes her things ( new car, spending money, etc).
That she is an adult and her father will not spoil her or feed into the "kids come first thinking"... 
it lays upon her mother who has created that mindset
and guess what ????

her mother won't put her first either !!!
as her daughter is an adult now after all and has to grow up sometime. All the "kids come first" talk is something her mother
talks...
but won't actually do herself.



haha


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## NothingMan

Valid point preso. Spoiling your children is hard to avoid, but completely necessary to avoid. I also agree that raising children with God in their lives is necessary. Though I believe it should be a choice of there's. I'd happily support it of course, but I wont force it on them. For example, I didnt get baptised until I was 26.

That being said, you can put your children above your own selfishness without spoiling them.


John


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## amberlynn

My kid comes first befor anyone, Im a firm believer in God himself, but God blessed us with these wonderful kids and I do believe he would want us to satisfy their needs first. My child is spoile rotten, hes a momma's boy and Im fine with that, if he wants somethin and im able to get it, he gets it. Your kids should always come first.


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## humpty dumpty

my children arnt spolit we have made sure that they have respect and manners whats important to me is that they are well adjusted happy kids with loving parents ...with or with out god being in there lifes they will and should come first until they are old enough to make choices themselves .
this mans wife isnt mature enough to be married never alone be with a child and tollerated to say such nasty things !!


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## MsStacy

I don't believe anyone was saying to put the child first, before EVERYTHING. The child needs to come before this immature, selfish and hateful woman. I was simply saying the daughter must come first before his wife.

Where people place God, themselves, and their families is none of my business. I have my own priorities. The OP situation screams for the child to be put before that wife.

No one was advising this man to put his child first before God. And his wife is definitely NOT Godly.


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## childcare365

How long did you date? It's obvious that your wife is very threatened by her. She sees your ex in her & doesn't see her as her own person. In your wife's eyes, when you shower your daughter with love, you might as well be loving your ex. This ia not a mentally healthy behavior. It is a very selfish & immature and SCREAMS out "character flaws"! I rarely suggest divorce right out of the gate. But, if she is so easily this cruel, I doubt she has the conscience to change. If she is unwilling to accept you for who you are... a dad... and your daughter... a beautiful child... then get out now!


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## Rhea

_So...I've been kind of quietly following this thread deciding whether to chime in or not and if so exactly in what shape or form I was going to do so. 

Let me see if I can say what I want to and get all the words out that are bouncing around in my head. I warn you it will be totally demeaning towards your wife (whom might I add at 25 seems to have a much lower maturity level than your 3 year old). 

Let me start by saying I'm 29 and have had 3 step-dad's in my life aside from my real father who's the best Daddy a girl could ask for. Can you tell my Dad and I are close? Trust me it's a beautiful thing to be your daughter's best friend. My Dad and I have a blast together. He's my hero, my rock, and one of my best friends. 

On top of that I've been blessed to not only have a Mom, but an awesome step-mother whom has been in my life for almsot 24 years now. I put my step mother through hell, I talked sh*t on her, I was mean to her, I yelled at her, I put my Daddy in the middle of her and I, I did it all and guess what? That woman NEVER stopped loving me. I was never her step-daughter. I was always her daughter, she introduced me as such...at school she was known as my Mother, when she made doctors appointments they were made for her daughter etc. She never once said a negative thing about my mother until I was old enough to form my own opinions of my mother. My father did the same. Kept his mouth shut until I opened mine. 

I am a very lucky child as my parents and their spouses always got along, my mom has stayed at my dad and his wife's house when she's come to town to visit etc. We've spent Christmas' and Thanksgivings etc together. There might have been some sh*t talking when she left but there are some valid reasons for it which I won't go into. 

Anyway, I am absolutely appalled at the way your wife treats your daughter. Bless your poor daughter's soul. It's like you didn't marry a woman but a child. It's rediculous. No your wife does not need to be purchased gifts because you've bought something for a toddler. Your wife does not need to be saying the sh*t that she says. She's making a complete a$$ out of herself on a constant basis and I'm amazed you can even stand to be around her. She doesn't want your daughter to spend the night at your house? Then tell her to get the f*ck out. Seriously. She's not ready for children and for God's sake please don't have any with her. Stop letting her brother stay the night too. 18 years old? A little old to be having sleepovers at his sister's house if you ask me. 

I'm just about speechless and let me tell you that's a rare event for me. I understand that not all families will blend well no matter how hard you try. But your wife is not even trying. If I was your ex I'd not even send my child over there. I'd never keep your daughter from you if I were your ex but I'd d*mn sure keep that woman from my child. 

Seriously talking sh*t on a 3 year old for the love of f*cking Pete she needs to grow up! A 3 year old knows of nothing but love at their age. Yes shower her w/affection, tell her Daddy loves you Princess and my my you look gorgeous today. Form that bond w/her. Make her feel loved and comfortable so that you guys can stay close and she'll come to you when she needs to and wants to when she's older. 

I don't agree that step-parents should stay away and not bond w/step children I don't agree w/it at all. No it's not your place to take the place of said child's mother or father. But if you don't want to be in that child's life and love it as your own then don't be in that child's parent's life. Just stay the h*ll away. 

I could go on but I'll stop here because I'm boiling. 

There's not a thing wrong w/the way you treat your kid. There is something wrong w/the way your wife treats her though. Tell her to shape up or ship out.

Rhea_


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## 1st2MakeIt

Sensitive said:


> Please keep in mind that not all women are destined to be great mothers. If you truly loved your wife, there is no reason why you can't reach an agreement. Maybe she can take a trip to her mother's while you spend one-on-one time with your daughter. When you buy gifts for your daughter, why is it such a burden to also buy a gift for your wife? I think your wife wants some attention, and she knows this daughter, although an innocent 3 year old, is totally capable of sapping every last bit of attention from you. If you do get a divroce and want to remarry, you will always run into the same problem. Not all women can be a Mrs. Brady. Blended families need work. There is nothing wrong with your courage because you love and respect your wife. Many successful marriage place the husband and wife ahead of the kids.


I STRONGLY disagree with this post. My SO has a daughter who is half my age (Im 24, I was 21 when we met) and when the child and I first met we hit it off. However, when she moved in with us and we started interacting on a daily basis things were very tense in the household. My DSD had mouthy, manipulative, bratty behavior but my failure to try and handle the situation objectively the way an adult should have left some bad blood between us all for a while. 
In hindsight, had he married me in spite of all that transpired at time between the three of us; we would either be divorced or he he would be wishing he was divorced. Things did improve but only because I was able to see MY PART in the situation. 
You should not have to alienate your daughter from your home or limit your time with her because of your insecure wife. Also, you wife is a grown woman (in theory) you shouldnt have to "baby" her by buying her things just so so can purchase things for your daughter, THAT IS CRAZY!
I horribly regret the time that I missed out on bonding with my DSD and the pain that I caused my her and my SO by not stepping up to the plate and being the woman I should have been. 
Please for the sake of you daughter, put your foot down and let your wife know that you will not tolerate anymore of blatant disrespect or emotional abuse of your daughter. If she loves you truly, she will change her behaviors for the better and try to create at least a friendship with your daughter.
However if her "temper tantrums" continue divorce definitely should be your next option, and no you will not always run into the same problems cause there are real bonafide women out there who are capable of being mature.
Im sorry you having to go through this. I hope things improve one way or the other.


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## recent_cloud

Rhea said:


> _
> I could go on but I'll stop here because I'm boiling.
> 
> There's not a thing wrong w/the way you treat your kid. There is something wrong w/the way your wife treats her though. Tell her to shape up or ship out.
> 
> Rhea_


your post was wonderful and thank you for your arithmetical accounting of parents.

there is everything wrong with the way this child is treated by her dad.

he allows his daughter to be abused by the step mom.

every time step mom utters a bad thought about the daughter said daughter is diminished in ways that will exponentially grow.


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## LaBella

My cousin married a wonderful man that have a son from his ex-girlfriend. The woman has big issues and refuse to let him see the child for a long time, but it was taking the voluntary child support that he was paying. (that is a very long story better left alone), my point is that even when my cousin had not met the child, a boy, when they ask them how many kids you have? She will always say 3, her two + his. Finally the boy was allowed to come visit the father, after many court fights, and he live with them permanently for 2 years, she never treated him different from her other 2. She loves him as much as her own, and will defend him over anything else just as if it was hers. Now, the boy is married with a child of his own. And my cousin very proudly tells you that she is the grandmother of a beautiful boy. Her own kids are not even married yet.

My point is she was 27 when she married her husband and the boy was about 2 yo, and she always accepted the fact without a complain. Your wife is 25 and acting like an spoiled brat 5 yo, she needs some growing time and you need time with your DD, put your foot down, or divroce ASAP.

Your DD should be first in your life, if you believe in God, then he should be first, but in the mortal world, your kids are first that anybody else.


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## revitalizedhusband

This woman has some MAJOR insecurity issues, some MAJOR maturity issues, etc.

Get out NOW!

Continue being the best dad possible and get rid of this woman.

Get an annulment, divorce, whatever it takes, and make SURE she doesn't get pregnant.


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## marriagehelp12

like Michzz said...PUT YOUR DAUGHTER FIRST!


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## secondamoglie

i will have to post from a defferent point of u compare to others,
i will never ever wish to anybody come second!i can understand ur wife what she feels,its terrible feeling!!!and i hate when people say she is immature and evil!!cause in general i am far from evil and immature,i am in quite same situation,just i dont need push my hubby much cause he keeps distance by him self,in a way thats the reason i got involved,cause if he was to attached he could not go on and have a new family,and i know my self i could not handle share him!
and i think immature is to take divorce in the first place if parents were puting their kids first they will never allow divorce!so piss off!
god sais divorce is a major sin!so there u go!if u dont think the shake o ur kids how u expect a childless woman to think of them?? 

but u will never understand her how she see it with her eyes,what i can say is terrible to come second i feel they robbed moments i could have first with my hubby,and i deserved it far more that that ***** ex who cheated,and deceived him by constant getting pregnant with out ask!i hate i have to have connection with that lunatic family i never knew them and i dont wanna know them!plus those kids will always love that cheater ***** more than me so hell nooooo,i dont want connections,i told my hubby ,u can go with them but i dont want any contact with me,i will have some day my own kids to love me with out fear they like that *****.its so hurtful and i can not do nothing about it!but i dont feel guilty cause their own mother should have think way more!!selfish *****,reason for divorce??i am not able to love u any more!!!???god shake...sorry but now is my turn to live and have a family i am not gona fix what other people break with their bear hands.
advice???JUST GET A WIFE WITH KIDS from previouge marrige or stay single till they grow up!i am sorry to tell u but most luckily u will always have problems.its a really complex situation!so peopleshould not judge who dont know,cause in the past i would call ur wife why the heck she reacts so bad??but now i really know how it is!!i wish i WAS THE FIRSTT i would never have to feel so bad....JUST DONT GET DIVORCE ITputs everybody in trouble,ur kids,ur new wife and ur self and nothing function normal in the end!terrible...

(a view point from the other side of the coin.....)


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## stumblealong

All I have to say is what kind of evil woman hates a 3yr old!! I guess I answered my own question, SHE IS EVIL!I can understand her wanting to be the center of your attention, BUT she knew about your child, and still chose to marry you. She is hoping that she will be able to convince you to get 'rid' of your daughter, this is her focus. Your daughter may only be 3, but she knows this woman doesn't like her, but she is too young to understand why. This could affect your girl's self esteem, and there are just too many things in this in this world that could do that anyway, why add one more! Please find someone else that can accept and even love your daughter.


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## AWife

"deceived him by constant getting pregnant with out ask"

This is funny. It takes two!

"plus those kids will always love that cheater ***** more than me"

That's because she's their mother.

"u can go with them but i dont want any contact with me,i will have some day my own kids to love me"

So your husband has to choose between you and his children? How sad. I hope he doesn't have children with you. #1 You shouldn't have any until you grow up. #2 Then those children wouldn't be able to be around his other children. He should leave you.

To the OP most of the advice here is sound. Your daughter does not deserve to be mistreated and feel unloved. There are a lot of wonderful women (with and without children) who would gladly love you and your sweet baby. Expecially when children are involved you need to take your time. Don't automatically assume because a woman has children she will understand. That could create a situation where she also places her children above yours.... Just be careful and really get to know someone.


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## erniejetson

i totally understand where u are coming from i am currently having a similar problem. my gf hates my daughter. she may get her small things from time to time but its fading out. i couldnt take the disrespect of her talking down on my kid or calling her ugly or bad anymore so i told her i was leaving her. she had told me she was going to counseling and was going to get better. and she did i give her that. she is currently pregnant with her first child. i believe that when the baby is born she will vanish out of my childs life forever. i gave her a second chance but made no promises to her. now all her behavior about my child is back and now since im in school its worse. she believes school and and my daughter are getting in her way of spending time with me. i would not do homework just to spend the whole day with her. i would tell my daughter (who is 5 by the way) to study her words and do homework on her own all because she want some alone time with me. sometimes she tells me "well your daughter home go read to your little brat" it makes me want to slap her in her face. though i dont it just frustrates me really bad. dont ever put your child to the side for another person. the kids are important. but dont let the mother control you with your kids. good luck.

also: try family counseling and see how it works


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## Laurae1967

Your wife sounds like a narcissistic, selfish, immature person. She actually has said nasty things to your daughter behind your back? That is just SICK. It shows a lack of conscience and empathy. I would get rid of her asap. Your daughter needs to be protected from someone like that and YOU need to get some counseling to figure out why you chose someone with such a glaring character defect as your wife.

There is no re-habbing someone like your wife.


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## CandieGirl

Nope ya shouldn't have married her...surely her behaviour was evident leading up to your marriage. 

I met my H's 2 kids a month before we got married...his kids, boys, 13 and 15, were just awful. They were spoiled, selfish, and moody. Part of that is due to age, and part is parenting (they live with Mom full time, on the other side of the country). Through them, I could see that everything my H said about his ex was true...they were only happy when there were dollar signs involved, or if they were being taken somewhere to be entertained. They were rude with me, and mean to my son. Still, I never treated them badly the entire month that they stayed with us. 

I knew he had kids going in, and I had to accept them, no matter what. I'm sure we'll never be best friends, but I'm certainly never going to give them any real reason to hate me, as your daughter will hate your wife.


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## southern wife

2beagooddad said:


> ..... and I want to be a great dad and have my daughter grow up loving me to death. I am blessed to have a good financial situation and I'm even scared to buy my little girl things here and there(even though I can afford it) because my wife thinks I pay too much child support. Any advice would be appreciated. I'm seriously thinking of divorce because I can't deal with this much longer. She keeps telling me she will change, but I never see it.


The only way you will ever be a great Daddy to this sweet, innocent, and beautiful little girl is if you leave this woman.............IMMEDIATELY!!! Or rather make her leave since it's your house. Your little girl does not need to be subjected to this monster anymore. Your daughter is in the most impressionable stages of her young life of learning the world, and people around her. Believe me, she knows that this woman does not like her. Kids are smart, however innocent, but she still knows. This woman is cruel, but what's even more cruel is the fact that YOU ARE STILL WITH HER. She will not change; she's just saying that to make you feel better, or just buying herself more time in your house. Do not let her win over your young sweet little girl. It could have very damaging effects on your daughter. Do you want that?


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## chattycathy

What do you love about your wife?

Is she sexy cause she dresses a certain way? Smell good? Is she a good housecleaner/cook? Does she like the same music and recreational activities as you? Is she a career woman with a great job? What?

Talking mean about your daughter sort of nixes all other facets.


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## Almostrecovered

Uh guys... This thread is over 2 years old
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lyn

Your wife is behaving like a spoiled child...perhaps she is testing you to see how much you will let her get away with. She needs to grow up and act like a woman. You already have a child. Be kind but firm...you will not allow her to come between you and your daughter and you will not tolerate any tantrums or hijinks designed to punish you for it. 

Tell her that she knew you had a daughter when she married you. She doesn't get to change the terms of your marriage on her own or torment you because she has changed her mind. She will simply have to accept the situation and get confidence in your love for her or she will live a miserable life. It's up to her.

Best,

Lyn


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## chattycathy

Almostrecovered said:


> Uh guys... This thread is over 2 years old
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL! I hate when that happens!


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## 2rr

if what you have written is true why are you even asking for advice or opinion? throw your 'wife' out first and ask question or opinions later ( before too late )


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## kitgana

Hey follow what your heart says. If she really loves you she will accept everything you have in your life.


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## tacoma

Almostrecovered said:


> Uh guys... This thread is over 2 years old
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I hope to hell the OP`s been divorced for at least a year and a half then.


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## MidwestDave

Wow. So sorry to hear you are going through something like this. I have a similar situation with the my second wife, but in this case my kids are adults, and her jealousy is directed more toward grand-kids. Blended families are not easy in any case!

But here, your daughter is a 3 year old innocent child, and this situation may become very damaging to her. This behavior from your wife in not acceptable on any level, and I am guessing it will not change. Not sure you have any good options other than moving on, unless there is more to the story than we read here.

LOL just saw the age of the thread... wish we had an update.


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## southern wife

Almostrecovered said:


> Uh guys... This thread is over 2 years old
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




:sleeping::sleeping::sleeping:


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## cloudwithleggs

Almostrecovered said:


> Uh guys... This thread is over 2 years old
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yes someone bought it back with good reason, the mentality of these women that don't like their other half's children, i will never understand, it actually saddens me to my very core.


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## peterpan

Been in the same situation for the last five years and am still in there, only that he does not hate my son but hates his dad!!!!!!! There are good days and bad days. The only difference is that my son lives with me. I so hear you and it sucks!!!!!!!!! I have found hope in God and that has improved situations. Sorry dude for her to hate a child is more deep. It's my first marriage and i believe in only one marriage but yes some days i have to put my son first and that is HARD coz i love both of them in their own way.


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