# Romance without touch or sex?



## pzsl3j (Jan 31, 2012)

Romance without sex or touch?
I definitely think most of us would agree a man can have romantic feelings towards a woman without sex or touch from her before they have consummated their relationship. But once the consummation has taken place, then does not sex and intimate touch become required components for romantic feelings to continue?

I suppose an exception to this would be if your wife was laid up in hospital bed or coma, you could still have romantic feelings towards her.

But aside from a very rare exception, I believe a man’s romantic feelings towards his wife are directly fueled by her respect (not belittling him all the time), intimate touch (hugs, kisses, cuddling up to him) and yes definitely her sexual attitude towards him.

So if you as a woman are asking yourself why did your husband stop buying you flowers, stop writing you love notes, stop buying you expensive jewelry or lingerie these are the questions as a woman you have to ask yourself first and foremost:

1.	Do I belittle and disrespect my husband a lot? Do I publically humiliate him?
2.	When was the last time I touched him in a loving way (gave him a kiss, hugged him, sat on his lap)?
3.	When was the last time I wore something sexy to bed?
4.	When was the last time I initiated sex?
5.	When was the last time I performed oral sex on him?
6.	Do I turn him down often? If I do turn him down do I give him a rain-check and make good on it?
7.	Do I respect his physical needs for physical love or am I dismissive of them? 

In my marriage, and some others I have seen, you see women out there who actually think a husband should still be able to feel romantic feelings towards his wife when she is not able to answer most of these questions in the affirmative.

1.	How the heck can you think of writing a love note towards a woman who is consistently critical towards you?
2.	How the heck can you think of buying flowers for a woman who rarely touches you or kisses you?
3.	How the heck can you think of buying lingerie for a woman who leaves all the other lingerie you have bought her to collect dust in her drawer? When you have bought her something in the past you are lucky if she wore it once?
4.	How the heck can you think of buying jewelry for a woman with whom you have sex 4 times a month, and when you do she rarely is very involved and wants you to hurry up and be done?

For the first few years of our marriage (I am divorced and remarried about 3 years) I kept pouring on the romantic things like flowers, love notes, jewelry, massages and other things I knew she liked (even though there was little reciprocation from her) But as of a few months ago I have been withdrawing most of these romantic gestures and she has noticed. 

But when I try and explain why she says “you think a relationship is all about sex” and she is pretty dismissive of my feelings for consistent sex and intimate touch. She will throw up times, months ago when she did this or that – and I give her full credit. But there is absolutely no consistency in our love life and that is a real problem.

I just told her I have a hard time maintaining romantic feelings towards her when she can go days and weeks without touching me or being loving, and she never wears any lingerie I have gotten her. 

My wife does struggle with depression and some other chronic health issues, I tried to get her into counseling and she quit after a few weeks and said she didn’t need it. But I believe she hides behind her health issues as excuse not to do her part in our marriage, it is a very lopsided marriage.


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## MrsMac (Apr 14, 2013)

Being a wife... I have asked myself all those questions and my circumstances are opposite. I want all those things... Flowers, lingerie, kisses, hugs, touch, sex. I don't get it either. This is my first time on this site an I hope I can get some good advice to help work on my marriage as well. It's hard.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I have no sage advice to add, but so many threads here remind me of the Ella Fitzgerald song "A Fine Romance"

A fine romance, with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend this is
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes
A fine romance, you won't nestle
A fine romance, you won't wrestle
I might as well play bridge
With my old maid aunt
I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance

A fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, I'll take jello
You're calmer than the seals
In the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins
To express emotion
A fine romance with no quarrels
With no insults and all morals
I've never mussed the crease
In your blue serge pants
I never get the chance
This is a fine romance


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

> 1.	How the heck can you think of writing a love note towards a woman who is consistently critical towards you?
> 2.	How the heck can you think of buying flowers for a woman who rarely touches you or kisses you?
> 3.	How the heck can you think of buying lingerie for a woman who leaves all the other lingerie you have bought her to collect dust in her drawer? When you have bought her something in the past you are lucky if she wore it once?
> 4.	How the heck can you think of buying jewelry for a woman with whom you have sex 4 times a month, and when you do she rarely is very involved and wants you to hurry up and be done?


Could not agree more!

But if you want a good marriage, both your lists need to be worked on by bother spouses, hopefully at the same time. How can a woman want to be intimate with a man who pays no attention to her, give no affection, doesn't put effort into the relationship, and yet expect her to be ready for sex the moment her head hits the pillow?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Have you 2 read "His Needs, Her Needs"? Done the 5 love languages? Are you meeting her needs?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Anon Pink said:


> Could not agree more!
> 
> But if you want a good marriage, both your lists need to be worked on by bother spouses, hopefully at the same time. How can a woman want to be intimate with a man who pays no attention to her, give no affection, doesn't put effort into the relationship, and yet expect her to be ready for sex the moment her head hits the pillow?


Your comment implies (maybe correctly) that he hasn't tried to meet her need first.

That's why I always say that yes, you have to meet those needs and make sure your partner admits that you are meeting his/her needs BEFORE addressing your own needs.


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