# Work spouses



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Curious about this concept:









Many Americans have had a work spouse


A work spouse can be a positive relationship and tends to be a stress reliever. It can become a problem is when the relationship crosses boundaries.



www.usatoday.com





What do you think? 
It seems rather socially accepted amongst millenials where I live too.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

It is a bad idea to mix work with privet life just it seems a lot of people find their life partner in work ,
Half the working people are said to have had sex with a person from work at some stage,
I don't believe the numbers are that high, a bit like they say something like 70% of men cheat but only 38% of women 
my logic in that asks well who are all these men having sex with ? IT SEEMS A BIT HIGH 

It is very easy to make friends with co workers so I guess this happens


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

It’s a bad idea. People can be cordial and productive. No one needs to be that emotionally invested with a coworker. Asking for trouble.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

The “work spouse” relationship is bad news.

”_The problem is that while these relationships may never cross a line, in the majority of cases there's an underlying attraction. Most men (84.4%) are at least moderately attracted to their work spouse, while 61.9% of women feel that way.”_

Its a recipe for disaster in my opinion.


For those who don’t read the article:
_What's a work spouse? It's a "colleague you have a strong friendship with, who is the gender you're attracted to, and with whom you have a bond that resembles that of a married couple,"_


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

It's a stupid concept & a bad idea for a marriage. It's fine to interact with lots of people on your team, even members of the opposite sex. Deep acquaintanceships bordering on friendships can also help pass the time but anything beyond that is a bridge too far.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Idiotic concept. World is filled with enough temptations. Just adds fuel to the fire as most people have poor boundaries to start with.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Article stated 50% of conversation was about romantic partners. Probably complaining. Not good. This is a trend that needs to go away.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

D0nnivain said:


> It's a stupid concept & a bad idea for a marriage. It's fine to interact with lots of people on your team, even members of the opposite sex. Deep acquaintanceships bordering on friendships can also help pass the time but anything beyond that is a bridge too far.


Unless you're single and don't care about frequent job changes never share personal grief and certainly don't have flirtatious relationships. 

It almost always bites you in the ass in the future at work.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

I think Steve Harvey sums it up well


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

It's unacceptable to me. 

I've seen it at work. 

One "pair" were both married to others and the whole office talked about them. It was gross and made everyone uncomfortable.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I don’t understand why anyone would think this is ok. I’ve heard the term “work wife” used in jest (the guys at H’s work make jokes about each other, stuff like that) but why anyone would enter into a potentially unprofessional situation at work knowingly just blows my mind. Not only does it make other people uncomfortable, it makes the people doing it seem to have bad judgement. It’s dumb and pointless.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

A prime reason so many female secretaries or executive assistants married their boss in decades past. Quite common.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Oops wrong thread


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

What a wonderful and rational concept, I wonder what could possibly go wrong with “coworker matrimony?”


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

At my current workplace there is a married man and a single, middle aged, unattractive woman. She goes around the office talking about how he is her "work husband" and goes over the top on his birthday, etc. I'm sure it's embarrassing for him. He's quiet, an introvert, and isn't interested in her at all, but if he made waves about it she'd make his work life hell in various ways.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

I see at our work place and we have only men on our site , 
we get some guys and very fast they can become very chummy 
and in head office the one of the bosses daughters had two guys that work there on the go , one was her husband , he left , the poor guy super good guy and he had to work out his month after he found out she was playing with another fellow in the office

for me each time i see a op posting about their wife or husband having sex with someone
but for me it is the fact your wife loves someone even if there never sex would be the worst part


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

I don’t know anyone who openly refers to somebody of the opposite sex as their work spouse. 

I know straight females who have work wives.

What about work dads? There’s a guy at work who is always giving me advice, squishes bugs in the office space, and fixed something that was wrong with my car once when it wouldn’t start when I got ready to head home. I’ve jokingly called him my work dad. He’s old enough to be my dad. I have a work mom as well.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I can barely keep up with my husband at home! I can't imagine having one at work too!! Thanks, but no thanks. Lol 🤣


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

Livvie said:


> At my current workplace there is a married man and a single, middle aged, unattractive woman. She goes around the office talking about how he is her "work husband" and goes over the top on his birthday, etc. I'm sure it's embarrassing for him. He's quiet, an introvert, and isn't interested in her at all, but if he made waves about it she'd make his work life hell in various ways.


Ain't that harrassment???


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Yes it looks like it to me.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Curious about this concept:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I've often had a work spouse. The key, as stated in the article, is "If your actual spouse knows about the work spouse and that you discuss your marital issues like friends, well, that may be OK; if the relationship is more of a secret, then it might be an issue."

I shared an office with one woman for about 8 years. We would socialize with her, go to wine tastings, etc. When she met her fiancé and planned their wedding, we taught them some dances for the reception. They remain good friends


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

My wife and I met on the job. We were both single at the time and worked on some projects together. That was one of the things that showed us how compatible we were in style and temperament. That has carried through our whole entire marriage. We also took great pains to make sure our relationship would never be unprofessional, and it's not like we worked together every day. We were both aware that it might not work out and we may still have to see each other on the job. I actually did work for her team in my role at the time. 

I have had a few women who I have mentored throughout the years and grown to really respect and see as friends. That being said I just treat them like men, so since I am straight it's not a problem. 

How disrespectful to your spouse to call anyone else by that word.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Meh, I married my first work wife IRL. She, still working with me, approved of subsequent work wives.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Livvie said:


> It's unacceptable to me.
> 
> I've seen it at work.
> 
> One "pair" were both married to others and the whole office talked about them. It was gross and made everyone uncomfortable.


I have seen this also, in many cases. In one case it turned into a full blown affair, they both divorced their spouses and are now married. But it was disturbing to watch it all unfold....at work.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I don’t know anyone who openly refers to somebody of the opposite sex as their work spouse.
> 
> I know straight females who have work wives.
> 
> What about work dads? There’s a guy at work who is always giving me advice, squishes bugs in the office space, and fixed something that was wrong with my car once when it wouldn’t start when I got ready to head home. I’ve jokingly called him my work dad. He’s old enough to be my dad. I have a work mom as well.


I do feel like I have had work parents before. I was in my 20s, first real job, and the two were actually married with young kids. They would bring me food they had made at home. Good people.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I don’t know anyone who openly refers to somebody of the opposite sex as their work spouse.
> 
> I know straight females who have work wives.
> 
> What about work dads? There’s a guy at work who is always giving me advice, squishes bugs in the office space, and fixed something that was wrong with my car once when it wouldn’t start when I got ready to head home. I’ve jokingly called him my work dad. He’s old enough to be my dad. I have a work mom as well.


Nowadays an intelligent guy won't use the term work wife. Say 10 or so yrs ago casually one would in jest hear the term a few times a year from different people.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I don't understand this term....it sounds like teenage crap to me.

I have several men at work I'm friendly with....one talks stock market wirh me, one does the same job as me and we talk projects and life in general, one talks politics with me, and one talks runnimg and bike w riding. We don't talk or hang out after work, we talk about our families, and our partners are welcome to join in. One is divorced, 2 have partners that will sometimes join the conversation, and the other talks about his wife and kids all the time.

"Work spouse" suggests a level of intimacy that's inappropriate. These guys are friendly coworkers while at work...they've not spouses.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't understand this term....it sounds like teenage crap to me.
> 
> I have several men at work I'm friendly with....one talks stock market wirh me, one does the same job as me and we talk projects and life in general, one talks politics with me, and one talks runnimg and bike w riding. We don't talk or hang out after work, we talk about our families, and our partners are welcome to join in. One is divorced, 2 have partners that will sometimes join the conversation, and the other talks about his wife and kids all the time.
> 
> "Work spouse" suggests a level of intimacy that's inappropriate. These guys are friendly coworkers while at work...they've not spouses.


Well, one not knowing about something doesn't make it not exist. 

It does suggest a level of intimacy that imo is too much. However the term existing and not being a teen age term is undeniable.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't understand this term....it sounds like teenage crap to me.
> 
> I have several men at work I'm friendly with....one talks stock market wirh me, one does the same job as me and we talk projects and life in general, one talks politics with me, and one talks runnimg and bike w riding. We don't talk or hang out after work, we talk about our families, and our partners are welcome to join in. One is divorced, 2 have partners that will sometimes join the conversation, and the other talks about his wife and kids all the time.
> 
> "Work spouse" suggests a level of intimacy that's inappropriate. These guys are friendly coworkers while at work...they've not spouses.


QFT. What someone would consider my "work spouse" is someone who's just a good friend. Yeah, we do dinner when we're in town together. Sometimes our spouses are there, sometimes not. It depends on what's going on. I go to out of town racing events with her husband. A shared interest of ours, cars and racing.

My guess if you asked everyone to define it, in a free form text, you'd get some overlap from person to person, but the entirety of responses covering a WIDE range of possibilities.

For some it would entail flirty inappropriate things.
For some it would entail small talk about their families.

Bottom line, as an adult, you're around your co-workers more than anyone other than your spouse. Yeah, some of them are likely to become friends. Your good friends even, and then that changes when you have kids involved in activities and you become friends with your kid's parents.

As a result, yeah, some workplace arrangements are bound to become inappropriate, but I'd wager, someone who's willing to go to an appropriate place with a "work spouse" was likely due to do it anyway due to poor boundary issues.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

On a list I found of “characteristics of a work spouse” one of them was “you finish each other’s sentences.” That’s just weird to me. I know best friends do that sometimes but being that close to somebody of the opposite sex where you work that you finish each other’s sentences? That’s a bit much.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Well, one not knowing about something doesn't make it not exist.
> 
> It does suggest a level of intimacy that imo is too much. However the term existing and not being a teen age term is undeniable.


Yeah, I know it exists.

I just think it's stupid teenage crap and don't understand why adults would use it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

lifeistooshort said:


> Yeah, I know it exists.
> 
> I just think it's stupid teenage crap and don't understand why adults would use it.


Its popularised now, I think with Aladdin the husband of the lead actress was like "thank you for being the best work husband I could ask for my wife" I dunno exact words. So it's normalised. I heard the term repeatedly with my ex when she talks about what her colleagues go on about it. 

Surprisingly, never heard it the term in my workplace, where people do hook up and I don't have policies against it, and I have a mixed age group. I could have had a temp work wife though half a year ago 😅, but that wasn't platonic lol

I always found the term odd and abit triggery.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

I'm in my 40's and this stuff has been going on since my first real job back when I was 18 working in an office. Back in the day at least, it was mostly seen as a joke and not something you would seriously mean. Sometimes you just mesh really well with a co-worker and you'll jokingly call them your work wife/husband. I do think the attraction aspect is a thing mostly because a lot of people won't even bother befriending someone they considered physically gross. I had a work wife at that old job, she was a married woman a few years older than me. There was a lot of flirting but we never meant anything by it. She thought I was a player and I used to tease her that I would date her step daughter that was around my age.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> _*Curious about this concept:*_
> *What do you think? *


If she's willing to feed him, clean up after him all the time and do his laundry for him, I'm ALL about it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I don’t know anyone who openly refers to somebody of the opposite sex as their work spouse.
> 
> I know straight females who have work wives.
> 
> What about work dads? There’s a guy at work who is always giving me advice, squishes bugs in the office space, and fixed something that was wrong with my car once when it wouldn’t start when I got ready to head home. I’ve jokingly called him my work dad. He’s old enough to be my dad. I have a work mom as well.


I was openly referred to as a work wife.


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## Coloratura (Sep 28, 2021)

My STBX and his “work wife” ruined my marriage. The trade shows and travel together, her picking out clothes he should wear to the trade show, “working” lunches, then working late, then turning into an affair. It was embarrassing for everyone at their workplace and for me. They can have each other.


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