# how does H treat you when you're sick?



## golfergirl

I'm cuddled in bed with the chills. Thankfully babies are asleep. I don't feel like total hell, but can tell something is brewing.
H works tonight, but even if he didn't, doesn't matter as he is awful at 'taking care of me'. I don't even want beig taken care of, just look after the kids so I can just look after myself.
I've had a few gallbladder attacks in past few weeks (getting better at watching my fat intake while waiting for surgery), but it was like he was mad at me for being sidelined for an hour or two til it went away.
I am prone to lung difficulties when sick with cold or flu and I pray for hospitalization so I can just rest.
It's not just him, my first H and a long-term BF all really sucked at taking care of business so I can just recover.
I actually don't even say I'm sick. It doesn't make a difference .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4sure

The ole gallbladder, not fun.
My husband carries on with his usual routine. He will cook for himself or stop and get something. He sure doesn't make a fuss over me though.


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## golfergirl

4sure said:


> The ole gallbladder, not fun.
> My husband carries on with his usual routine. He will cook for himself or stop and get something. He sure doesn't make a fuss over me though.


I remember having stomach flu when oldest daughter was crawling a baby. I was so sick I could not stay awake. My H (first H, not this one), left to go to garden store and left me with baby. He was gone hours. I remember keeping my hand on baby while sleeping on floor so if she moved I would wake up so she wouldn't crawl away into trouble. As I said, I'll get my own soup and tea etc. But feed kids and put them to bed and just let me be!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CLucas976

stbx was pretty good about it. I generally only ever require time to sleep it off anyways, but the once a month when I needed his help he had a whole list of what made me feel better and he'd bring it all to me and run away for a while periodically coming to check on me. 

Most of that was fear though, he didn't know what else to do and what I go through is terrifying to someone who hasn't experienced it before. Even during separation, if I said I was laying around in pain he had to come over and make sure I was ok because he knows how bad I get.

Do you visibly seem ill? I know that normally you can't tell when Im sick with anything so I wouldn't even expect care at that point, but I can imagine what a slap in the face it would be if I needed the help and it was ignored. 
(not that you could ignore the moans and the collapsing body and screams of pain or vomiting lol)

have you mentioned it to him? or asked for help? maybe its not that he's mad at you for being sick, but mad that he can't fix it for you. stbx always hated when he couldn't make it better, maybe your husband feels the same and just can't distinctively express it that way?


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## that_girl

He lets me hole up in the bedroom with the laptop for movies and takes care of the house and kids.


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## heartsbeating

golfergirl said:


> I'm cuddled in bed with the chills. Thankfully babies are asleep. I don't feel like total hell, but can tell something is brewing.
> H works tonight, but even if he didn't, doesn't matter as he is awful at 'taking care of me'. I don't even want beig taken care of, just look after the kids so I can just look after myself.
> I've had a few gallbladder attacks in past few weeks (getting better at watching my fat intake while waiting for surgery), but it was like he was mad at me for being sidelined for an hour or two til it went away.
> I am prone to lung difficulties when sick with cold or flu and I pray for hospitalization so I can just rest.
> It's not just him, my first H and a long-term BF all really sucked at taking care of business so I can just recover.
> I actually don't even say I'm sick. It doesn't make a difference .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling unwell.

How is he normally when you need help? Do you share responsibilities or do a lot of things fall upon your strong shoulders? You've said you don't even say you're sick as it doesn't make a difference. How do you know if you don't say it? Other men have treated you similarly when you've been sick too, so why do you think that is? I think you need to lay it out for him: "I'm sick, I need your help, I'd appreciate if you could take care of xyz." 

I get fussed over when I'm sick. I speak up when I'm not feeling well (sometimes too much and he'll tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself lol, yes, it gets pitiful). He'll take care of what ever needs doing, makes sure there's food in, hooks me up with magazines/books/movies. I don't ask him to do this. You should certainly expect your H to look after you and ensure everything is taken care of.


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## okeydokie

me and the kids cut loose when wifey is sick, its party time


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## Syrum

I think it's really sad when any one is sick and no one takes care of them.

If you love someone, you at the very least take care of the children, but I could never not care for someone I loved while they were sick.

When I was (awfully) sick and with my fiance, he took very very good care of me. he took me to hospital, bought me medicine, food, vitamins and anything else. Woke me when it was time to take my medicine and took great care of me untill I was so much better.


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## YinPrincess

Have you tried flat-out asking/telling him what you need? I think some guys are clueless... but when they are sick... oh man! 

If he can't see that he needs to be a partner to you during the difficult times, I would probe a little deeper to see why that is...

As for my hubby... we have no major responsibilities, (such as children), but surprisingly, he can be very sweet and caring when I'm sick. (As a friend he cared for me after a motorcycle accident - which perpetuated our relationship/marriage).

He cared for my dogs, (had no idea what they needed or how... and is now an outstanding doggie daddy). He cooked, cleaned and cared for me. He still does occassionally... but I'm less spoiled now than I was then. 

Other times...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

He tells me to get over it and lords it over me that he never goes to see a doctor unless he is hurt. I went to the hospital for two days to get evaluated after being in undiagnosed anaphylaxis for three months with really bad symptoms, wheezing and tracheal swelling so bad I could barely breathe, he complained I was keeping him awake at night and asked when I was going to feel better. I was scared at the hospital as I had to have all kinds of tests like brain MRI, toxicology screening, cancer testing, EKG testing, and psychiatric eval (negative!!!!!) and he would not even visit me when he drove by to go rock climbing for the weekend with his friends. Now I am divorcing him. The best diagnostic test I had while at the hospital was how he treated me when I asked him to just pick up a taco and drop it off to me at the hospital on his way by. Then he called me from the friends house and talked for a very short time and said he had to go becasue he needed to spend time with friend and friends' wife and their kids.


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## YinPrincess

Wow... he really invalidates you and your condition! Some guys might give you the 'blow-off' but he seems to have a 'suck it up' attitude, even when it's apparent that you aren't just trying to get some coddling.

Has he ever gone with you to the doctor's appointments?? Perhaps he should go and hear what they say about your condition!! I guess if you're divorcing him it would be pointless... but you still have mutual responsibilities anyways. It might be good for him to learn to be empathetic... even just respect you as another human being!!!!

I'm so sorry that he is being this way... I believe, that if he really knew how much this was affecting you, he would probably treat you better and be a little more supportive!!!

I wonder what his 'friends' think of this. Heaven forbid they needed him there for them if they were ill!!!!


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## golfergirl

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> He tells me to get over it and lords it over me that he never goes to see a doctor unless he is hurt. I went to the hospital for two days to get evaluated after being in undiagnosed anaphylaxis for three months with really bad symptoms, wheezing and tracheal swelling so bad I could barely breathe, he complained I was keeping him awake at night and asked when I was going to feel better. I was scared at the hospital as I had to have all kinds of tests like brain MRI, toxicology screening, cancer testing, EKG testing, and psychiatric eval (negative!!!!!) and he would not even visit me when he drove by to go rock climbing for the weekend with his friends. Now I am divorcing him. The best diagnostic test I had while at the hospital was how he treated me when I asked him to just pick up a taco and drop it off to me at the hospital on his way by. Then he called me from the friends house and talked for a very short time and said he had to go becasue he needed to spend time with friend and friends' wife and their kids.


Mine's not that bad! But for example with gallbladder attack, our 8 month old was fussy, so he walked him complaining how he was tired because he worked 2 nights ago. He *****ed me out for eating chicken balls when that was my 2nd attack ever so it's not like I did it to myself stupidly (as in repeatedly). I asked him to hold the baby while I laid down. That's when I get, 'I just got off nights 2 nights ago - never get to rest. Why are you eating that sh!t if you know it bothers you. If I had known, I would have let you work and I'd have taken paternity leave!'. He's had his gallbladder out 2 years ago and should understand the pain involved. When he had attacks (he had about 30), I kept care of our baby so hst care for himself.
He will apologize the next day, but he gets desired result. I get defensive and manage to look after baby.
He isn't always like that, but I'd say 40 percent of the time. 
Like last night, H started work at 11PM. I was sick, my toddler is croupy so sleeping in our room. So instead of me resting, I can't rest until toddler is resting. I could ask him to look after toddler so I can rest, but it's not worth the lecture I get about how he needs his downtime before work and how I shouldn't have had the kids if I couldn't handle it.
So long answer short, I do ask but the lectures and calling downs I get for being incompetent makes it easier to suck it up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wild_irish_rose

My H was NEVER there for me when I was sick - he didn't take care of me if I was just sick in bed, he didn't come with me if I had to go to the DRs, if I had to be in the hospital or have surgery, he would make a point of coming up with some reason to travel for work and my parents would end up being the ones taking me to the hospital and visiting me and picking me up when it was over. The second time I had major surgery the DR said I would have to stay in bed for a week and that I couldn't have sex for 3 months, and H found an excuse to be gone "for work" for the entire 3 months. Turns out he was staying with another woman the whole time. Then when I had a serious heart attack at only 33 years old and ended up disabled, that's when he left me completely. He told me he couldn't deal with my "melodrama" which is how he referred to my illnesses (my heart was only working at 10% efficiency - normal is 50-60% - and he STILL accused me of faking my symptoms). What really hurts though is that when his dad got cancer and died of it about 6 months after diagnosis, he took family leave from work and never left his dad's side. So obviously it wasn't hospitals or sick people he couldn't deal with, it was just that he didn't WANT to deal with ME being sick. Like I was doing it deliberately just to cause him trouble or something.


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## Halien

I really think that guys speak from our own love language when our wife is sick. I like the rituals of soup, meaningful touches, etc. As a former nurse practictioner, my wife says I'm a baby if I expect anything short of being on my death bed. What I get is avoidance. I learned that it is usually not deliberate, but driven by fear when it is.

When my wife is sick, I get her to bed and go to the store for her favorite drinks, soup ingredients if she can eat, flowers, and soothing music. I bark and growl at the kids if they walk up the stairs too loudly.


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## golfergirl

wild_irish_rose said:


> My H was NEVER there for me when I was sick - he didn't take care of me if I was just sick in bed, he didn't come with me if I had to go to the DRs, if I had to be in the hospital or have surgery, he would make a point of coming up with some reason to travel for work and my parents would end up being the ones taking me to the hospital and visiting me and picking me up when it was over. The second time I had major surgery the DR said I would have to stay in bed for a week and that I couldn't have sex for 3 months, and H found an excuse to be gone "for work" for the entire 3 months. Turns out he was staying with another woman the whole time. Then when I had a serious heart attack at only 33 years old and ended up disabled, that's when he left me completely. He told me he couldn't deal with my "melodrama" which is how he referred to my illnesses (my heart was only working at 10% efficiency - normal is 50-60% - and he STILL accused me of faking my symptoms). What really hurts though is that when his dad got cancer and died of it about 6 months after diagnosis, he took family leave from work and never left his dad's side. So obviously it wasn't hospitals or sick people he couldn't deal with, it was just that he didn't WANT to deal with ME being sick. Like I was doing it deliberately just to cause him trouble or something.


That's terrible! My H was here for me when I had our babies and when I miscarried our first (had to deliver), but the odd cold or flu where you might want to lounge in bed a bit longer or o to bed early, he's useless. I'm sick like that twice a year maybe??? If monthly, I could see him thinking 'suck it up', but twice a year?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

My H is the kind of person who agreed to use condoms until his vasectomy was completed and confirmed. So he was home on leave and made a big show of using them until he gained my trust and then slipped it in me without a condom. I'm 47 and have 3 children already, don't want to be pregnant, he always said if I did become pregnant he would want me to have an abortion which I would not...so it's clear to me he doesn't give any thought to me other than what he wants. It is like I am not a physical person aside from providing an ego fix and like a sex toy (I didn't have an issue with anal sex but asked him to use lubricant which he would not, finally I bought some and he did not want to use it so no anal sex). I guess nothing works for him unless he can inflict pain and/or control. It is good to know this about someone, even if it is someone I married, these are things you cannot find out about someone unless you are in an intimate relationship. I don't have any problem saying I made a huge mistake and moving on. He treated me well until he had me committed and then his behavior changed. Probably he has borderline personality disorder but it is no longer my problem. I know I have enabling characteristics and have found ways to fulfil my codependency needs outside of an intimate relationship, ballroom dancing a woman has to be a follower, also volunteering and being the coffee maker when camping. Stuff where it is safe to be enabling! But the way my H was when I was sick, he even complained about how I was taking up the sofa when I was trying to be out of bed and in the living room so I could spend time near my kids. Geez! My hands and feet were blue and I was shivering and down to 96 pounds hardly any body fat except T&A and he would complain about the heat being turned up in the house. Then he insisted on taking me out for my birthday even though I was wheezing and poor appetite because he was going to training for a couple months the next day...the day I went to the clinic and got diagnosed with pneumonia (which was allergies, in hindsight...). I had to drive to get there and was very dizzy and had to be careful and do Lamaze breathing. I didn't know being outside was exposing me to more birch pollen and making it even worse. :-( My older son did groceries for me because I couldn't manage pushing the cart due to the big pain in my chest from my lungs having fluid in them. My H is definitely an a**. This thread has reminded me why I am divorcing him. I am not a real person to him, I am an object. He is like my mother. Always ignore the physical illness because it interferes with inside fantasy world. It is probably the worst thing you can do to someone is ignore physical needs. Not just ill ness but if we were in car driving and I asked him to not speed, he ignored me, also if I needed food or a potty stop, always on his decision when to stop, if I insist then he has hissy fit. At first I thought he was joking! But unfortunately he is not. Now, the day he crapped his pants on the way somewhere, of course we had to drive all the way home so he could change. Ewwww. I think probably he was so messed up that going to pick out the house cabinets and stuff, he got all keyed up and it made him soil himself. Probably he had already discussed with his married girlfriend what the house should be like because he made fun of my choices and got what he wanted despite making a show of me coming along even though I wasn.t feeling well. Yes, I really think I am through with him. No amount of therapy can erase how he acted for all those years. In between he would do things and highlight them that made him to be a 'terrific' husband and therefore would make me look foolish to leave him, or crazy. I hope karma catches up with him. Already the deck he built with OW's brother and mailed her the photos of (along wiht rest of the house photos and love letters to her) has black mildew stains on it, despite him spending a couple days trating it last year. It's only been a year and the deck turned nasty black spots all over. I think nature is on my side with that one. A person cannot do so many bad things in life and not have it catch up with them. I am glad to be away from him because anything he creates is based on deceit and manipulation. It is unstable. Ugh.

Anyway, when he is sick his girlfriends can take care of him while saying I am bad wife for leaving him. I understand he is good manipulator and will probably lie about me. But from my experience after a while people do figure out the truth, especially in small towns. Already a lot of people in his town know what he did to me. But there are loads of enabling women who want to rescue someone whose wife left him while deployed...so they can learn their own life lessons with him. I hope they don't get sick or pregnant though. I get now why his past girlfriends/live-ins broke it off with him. But unlike them I am not going to go back and forth, I am not looking back at all.


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## okeydokie

my wife is the brave and stubborn southern belle, scarlett ohara, she dont want no freakin help.


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## golfergirl

okeydokie said:


> my wife is the brave and stubborn southern belle, scarlett ohara, she dont want no freakin help.


I don't anymore. I don't care. My babies are getting older and my older kids will help. With 1-2 illnesses a year I only have maybe 10 more to go til they can handle being alone or at least in school. I know - he got what he wanted - to continue along his merry selfish way not bothered while I do it all. Whatever - I'm tough and if I have to be hospitalized, he'll have to figure it out. 
That's what DVD's are for 

HNU - my H sounds babyish and selfish, yours sounds truly heartless and cruel. I have never dealt with illness to the degree you have, but I do suffer from asthma (and had pneumonia once - not since current H) and lung issues are tough! My heart goes out to some of the posters who's H's let them down with cancer and life-threatening illnesses such as yours.
If I were in life or death, H would be there for me, but when I feel crappy, he's a jerk. For someone who's such a baby himself - well screw him!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Avalon

Oh, I could list soooo many examples of my husband not caring about me being sick, not taking care of me during my multiple orthopedic surgeries, of my 16-year old having to drive me to and from surgery an hour away and to PT for months because my hubby is too busy to help. I could mention the time I was out of town and he let our child sit at home with a broken arm in pain for 2 days instead of taking her to the doctor like a normal parent would (sounds like medical neglect to me!) I could mention how he only visited his dying mother 4 times over the course of her last 12 months of life, even though we only live 1.5 hours' drive from the in-laws. 

Yet when he's sick, oh my goodness the world is coming to an end, and oh, I feel so crappy, I need a glass of water because I can't get up to get it myself. 

Yeah, I know all about it, unfortunately


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## Avalon

And just to add to my above rant... I had a minor orthopedic surgery today, am able to walk around a bit but it's slow and achy and I'm on pain meds. Again, my daughter drove me to and from surgery. 

Apparently, it was more important for my hubby to balance the checkbook tonight than to check up on me to see if I by chance needed an extra pillow or an ice pack or my pain meds. Other than asking a generic "how did it go?" and not really paying attention to my reply, that has been his entire involvement in my surgery today. Yeah... I should be used to this by now, but every time it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth


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## golfergirl

Avalon said:


> And just to add to my above rant... I had a minor orthopedic surgery today, am able to walk around a bit but it's slow and achy and I'm on pain meds. Again, my daughter drove me to and from surgery.
> 
> Apparently, it was more important for my hubby to balance the checkbook tonight than to check up on me to see if I by chance needed an extra pillow or an ice pack or my pain meds. Other than asking a generic "how did it go?" and not really paying attention to my reply, that has been his entire involvement in my surgery today. Yeah... I should be used to this by now, but every time it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth


Have a speedy recovery!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous

okeydokie said:


> my wife is the brave and stubborn southern belle, scarlett ohara, she dont want no freakin help.


This is how I am. Unless I am dying, it is really really serious or of coarse a joyous birth, I seriously would rather just be alone , get out a good book -curl up somewhere. The most I would want from him is to make me something to eat. I'd rather him go do something useful while I feel like crap, that way when I am feeling better, he had a jump start on some projects that needed done & then we have more FUN time to be together. 



But I know if I wanted him to be there, he would jump. He would also know it was "serious" - or something was weighing on me heavily -cause that just isn't me. Even when I Had all my C-sections - if he had a chance to go to work within hours after that baby was delivered , I pushed him out that hospital door -so long as he was there for the birth, that is all I expected. Never wanted him to take a day off when I got home either. I managed fine. 

I hope I never get really sick, I don't think I would make a very pleasant patient, I just like to do for myself too much.


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## WhiteRabbit

One of the main resentments in my marriage is from my husband's lack of care for me while I was sick and having major medical issues. 

I'm typically a tough as nails woman and these issues literally beat me down to a sobbing ball of weakness. H maintained his attitude of clinical coldness throughout all of it.

I was in love with him before my medical ordeals...afterward with the way he treated me, I couldn't tell if i loved him or hated him.


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## Conrad

WhiteRabbit said:


> One of the main resentments in my marriage is from my husband's lack of care for me while I was sick and having major medical issues.
> 
> I'm typically a tough as nails woman and these issues literally beat me down to a sobbing ball of weakness. H maintained his attitude of clinical coldness throughout all of it.
> 
> I was in love with him before my medical ordeals...afterward with the way he treated me, I couldn't tell if i loved him or hated him.


Sounds like it was a mixture of both.


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## golfergirl

WhiteRabbit said:


> One of the main resentments in my marriage is from my husband's lack of care for me while I was sick and having major medical issues.
> 
> I'm typically a tough as nails woman and these issues literally beat me down to a sobbing ball of weakness. H maintained his attitude of clinical coldness throughout all of it.
> 
> I was in love with him before my medical ordeals...afterward with the way he treated me, I couldn't tell if i loved him or hated him.



WR, how are you doing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl

WhiteRabbit said:


> struggling.dying inside.trapped.
> 
> but still my usual snarky yet bubbly self.


Is your son back in school yet? Are you in a condo? We have a 'new' baby. We have a rottweiler puppy. I'll hit you up for training tips!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Craggy456

The only time my H of 11.5 yrs has ever been there for me while i was sick or recovering from an injury was a few months ago when I lobbed half my fingertip off. During the flu, having pneumonia, torn muscle due to a bicycle accident...nothing. and I was still expected to go to work and have his dinner ready


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## MarriedWifeInLove

A lot of men (NOT ALL) suck at this.

I don't think it's a matter of whether they love you or don't - they just feel helpless and don't really know what to do. I think women are better caretakers in general, maybe the way we were raised, IDK.

My husband got the chance to "stand up" big time this summer when I had my surgery that went wrong at every turn. And for the most part, with the basics - he stood up. He ran all the errands, cooked the food, cleaned the kitchen, fed the cats, visited me every day while I was in the hospital, and took me back and forth to doctor appt's for weeks until I was well enough to take on some of the duties myself.

Did he hover over me and heap sympathy and "you poor thing," "I wish it was me instead of you, etc." - hell no, not his style.

So while I take care of him in a different manner (I include the hovering and sympathy), he has his own way too.

Remember, Men are from Mars and Women from Venus - don't think that's ever going to change...

Hope you feel better soon!


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## speechless

Maybe in some cases it's denial. Although we were 30 went we met, sometime I feel as though my H thinks I'm his mother, not his wife.

Sadly, he NEVER believes I'm sick, until he catches it. Funny that the flu puts me in bed for a day (he acts like I'm lazy if I lay around any longer than that), but when he catches it he's in bed for a week. 

Post-natal: #1, still expected me to head up a cross country move with all the packing and dealing with his mother, a 6 week old and two dogs. #2 "What have you been doing all day?"

My miscarriage: other than reprimanding me for going to work, he did nothing to aid me physically.

I, on the other hand, took care of him while 8.5 months pregnant and he had knee surgery. Take care of him at least once a year when he gets flu. Took care of him when he had a kidney stone.
Unfortunately, he has had I.V. twice due to flu-related dehydration, so I guess he's not milking it... although if he'd drink some freakin water it might not have come to that.

I don't want him to hover all over me, but it might be nice if a) he believed me b) he took the kids without complaint and c) brought me an occasional drink of water without acting like he had to dig the well himself.


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## Runs like Dog

Both times I had cancer my wife never set foot in the hospital. I drove myself to and fro and to all the chemo and radiation.


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## golfergirl

Runs like Dog said:


> Both times I had cancer my wife never set foot in the hospital. I drove myself to and fro and to all the chemo and radiation.


Stuff like that breaks my heart. I whine about flu or gallbladder but this is totally dishonoring vows! When I had miscarriage (had to deliver at 26 weeks), H was my rock. Didn't leave my side and was my emotional support. But unless I can prove it with hospitalization - he sucks!
I'm sorry you had to get through cancer twice on your own. That's not right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog

I really don't fault people for what they CAN'T do. I would be more irritated if she did come and then was impossible. You do what you're capable of doing I guess. When she got sick with cancer I camped out in her room. She was a human trials subject for an pre-approved experimental protocol because we ran out of other options. Touch and go for a long time including a few times where she technically died and came back. 

My parents were kind of ****s though, they should have watched the kids more. 3 babies at home no one was eager to help with them. But that's par for the course with them.


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## wild_irish_rose

speechless said:


> I don't want him to hover all over me, but it might be nice if a) he believed me b) he took the kids without complaint and c) brought me an occasional drink of water without acting like he had to dig the well himself.


Yeah I think that was the thing that bothered me the most. Either H didn't believe I was really sick (even when I was in congestive heart failure) or he acted like I was putting him out by being sick. When my CHF finally gave me a heart attack and I collapsed on our kitchen floor, he got angry, accused me of faking it, and stormed out of the house leaving me to call 911 myself. If the phone hadn't been right there in the kitchen I would have died.


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## janesmith

hubby makes sure the kids dont wreck the house, cooks, cleans, does laundry, runs the kids around, lets me alone so i can rest, comes up and kisses me when he thinks im sleeping. will get me anything i ask for like food, medicine, or tea, scratches my head for me. and he doesnt complain, he is very gracious about it.

he wasnt always like this and i wasnt always so gracious, so its something we have grown into together.


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## golfergirl

janesmith said:


> hubby makes sure the kids dont wreck the house, cooks, cleans, does laundry, runs the kids around, lets me alone so i can rest, comes up and kisses me when he thinks im sleeping. will get me anything i ask for like food, medicine, or tea, scratches my head for me. and he doesnt complain, he is very gracious about it.
> 
> he wasnt always like this and i wasnt always so gracious, so its something we have grown into together.


My Florence Nightingale is leaving to take care of his sick dad. His poor dad! My H admitted that sick people annoy him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gingxuu

Both times I had cancer my wife never set foot in the hospital.


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## Thewife

I am from a family where everyone cares when one is sick, DH comes from a family where the sick member is left to heal without any disturbance. It was hard for me in the beginning as he will go about his routine whenever I am sick and will not want to be disturbed when he is sick. Now 13 years into our marriage and with lots of open communication, I do not expect him to tend to me but the house and kids all his or he will have to arrange for his mother to attend to them. When he is sick I make myself available to him if he needs me and do not bother him with anything. Though he doesnt really tent to me I know he cares and is deeply sad when I am very sick.


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## txhunter54

golfergirl said:


> I'm cuddled in bed with the chills. Thankfully babies are asleep. I don't feel like total hell, but can tell something is brewing.
> H works tonight, but even if he didn't, doesn't matter as he is awful at 'taking care of me'. I don't even want beig taken care of, just look after the kids so I can just look after myself.
> I've had a few gallbladder attacks in past few weeks (getting better at watching my fat intake while waiting for surgery), but it was like he was mad at me for being sidelined for an hour or two til it went away.
> I am prone to lung difficulties when sick with cold or flu and I pray for hospitalization so I can just rest.
> It's not just him, my first H and a long-term BF all really sucked at taking care of business so I can just recover.
> I actually don't even say I'm sick. It doesn't make a difference .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When my wife bruised her ribs last Fall, I basically waited on her hand and foot for quite awhile. We don't have little kids who need attending. So, that wasn't an issue.


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