# Please Help. Wife Wants A divorce I love her and do not



## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

We are a newly wed couple.

This all started 2 days ago a little fight blew out of proportion.
I came home from work seeing the bed, all her clothes, everything gone.
I talked to her that night and she told me why and I told her I understood the reason and that I will change and she said she would give me another chance, but about 15 minutes later she says "what if I want to go through with the divorce?" And she ended up saying no the my second chance, and I walked away.
She she loves me more than anything and says she has been unhappy and and it's just not there anymore
I have tried to get her to see my in person again, and even sent text messages apologizing, saying I will change, and I will make her happy again but all I get are "No" and that it's just not there for her anymore.

I know I messed up and I have offered to fix it but she will not open up and give me a second chance...

WORST THANKSGIVING EVER....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Give her space and give her a real taste of wht she is giving up by going dark.

Stop trying to contact her and be there for her, she needs to see the consequences for walking out on you.

I understand you love her, but man you must show her how confident you with moving on with out her....see chick dig confident men and right now your attraction level is at the bottom.

Crying and begging for her want get her back bet letting her go with a smile on your face just might make her think twice in what she is about to lose.

The distance and no communication from your end will at least get her to second guess her dicisions when you are no longer around and the possiblity that this could be perminant will get her thinking again about lossing you for good.

Enless there is another man, then if thats the case there is not a damb thing you can do to compete with a new guy, but you can make the affiar as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible.


Go dark man, and give her a taste of things to come and raise that attraction level by working on your self.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How long have you all been married? How long did you date before? What was the fight about?

Or are you just venting, and not looking for help?

C


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

Thank you for the reply, my attraction level must be well below the bottom from what I've done so far thru text messages.
I will go dark and I will have no more contact with her but the text messages will just let her know that I don't want this to happen, and I want to be with her but it seems not to work so I will stop on that.

It's just tough not to talk to her and not even try to do anything together to make this work. 
If i do go dark there still will always be that thought in my mind "What is her final decision going to be?"
That is what's killing me


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

PBear said:


> How long have you all been married? How long did you date before? What was the fight about?
> 
> Or are you just venting, and not looking for help?
> 
> C


We have been married for under a year, we are newly weds.
We were together for 5 years.
The fight was stupid about her watching someones kids, and it ended with her saying how I treat her and her family. I was neglecting her and not giving her any reassurance that I do love and appreciate her and I realized that at too late, and it's just that if I get another chance I know I can make it btter.

I am not venting, venting is for a angry person, I currently and not angry, just sad, heart broken, and disappointed.
I am looking for any help i can get


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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

You need to figure out - what are the things that caused her to feel attraction to you in the first place. If you think of the good times, when she seemed to be happy, what were the two of you doing, and more importantly - what were YOU doing? It might have been some of the things you said, or the way you said it, the way you looked at her, what you talked about, how you touched her, etc.
See if you can figure out very specifically what causes her to feel attracted to you. And then try doing them again!
Don't say anything about your problems or react to anything she does that is hurtful. Just work on building attraction.
You might be surprised!


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

So, how many chances has she already given you to change? I doubt this is the 1st time for her to pack up and leave.


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

I hope you have better success but I had basically the same conversation with my wife about six weeks ago. I tried different approaches, but in the end, her decision was already made, and like posted above, I can see now that there were signals in the past that I ignored. She too told me she doesn't want to give me another chance, that she didn't owe me that. 

While I am not sure about the last part, I did find out later one that she was basically already checked out and on the way (if not completely down the road) of cheating, so for me that wasn't a woman I wanted to be with. And the bottom line is pining after an option that just wasn't available was not helping anything (this is what I learned from the divorce 180 process ... be ready for the possibility, or in my case, certainty, of divorce). 

So I guess my feedback is IT may be too late, it may not be. I would advise you prepare yourself for either option. I think it is important to give her space and let her see life without you. The only bad news is that MIGHT just confirm her own view of life without you -- but if that was the case, it was going to happen no matter what you did. But if you use the divorce 180 approach and give her space, then you too will be ready. And there's always the chance it will let her realize your relationship is something worth saving... which is still what you want (for now!)


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

LiamN said:


> You need to figure out - what are the things that caused her to feel attraction to you in the first place. If you think of the good times, when she seemed to be happy, what were the two of you doing, and more importantly - what were YOU doing? It might have been some of the things you said, or the way you said it, the way you looked at her, what you talked about, how you touched her, etc.
> See if you can figure out very specifically what causes her to feel attracted to you. And then try doing them again!
> Don't say anything about your problems or react to anything she does that is hurtful. Just work on building attraction.
> You might be surprised!


I have tried a lot of different thing including reminding her of the good time, she says she has been unhappy for a long time so I sent her pictures of us just looking like were having a ball like when we've been to the zoo, haunted lighthouse, bowling, ect.
Nothing seems to work she still says nothing to them when I send her messages or try to call.

@Devotion
I think we're in the same exact boat, I've waited for her with flowers outside her work and asked for my second chance again she said no.
I gave her space since then and she texted me saying she was bringing me the divorce papers today (which I haven't gotten yet). I have flowers going to her Friday while she is at work, I hope I didn't waste $95!!.
But I don't think they will do much she seems to have made up her mind and has no second thoughts on it.
Her mind must be made up and there's no way to change it, but I have done all of this because it will help me recover when I can say to myself that I have tried everything in my power to fix this and work it out so I will have no regrets nor blame myself


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

Very good! 

Not that your marriage is coming to an end, but you are doing what I think is appropriate. You gave it your best shot, till the bitter end. There will be ups and downs, I know I'm going through them as I'm probably just a few weeks ahead of your situation, but I know that I did everything possible near the end. 

Maybe it WAS too late, but until we get that time machine setup, that's all I can do. And not repeat the mistakes in future relationships, for sure... 

The last piece of advice I'll give you is that she will say a LOT of hurtful things .. and while you may need to listen to some of it to help you be a better person in the future, don't let it eat at you, dig at you. Because if you believe the crap she'll say about you, about how you'll be without her, it will be very hard to move on. Instead, work with your friends and family, people who will support you, and prepare for your new life. Once you know its a done deal -- start living your new life immediately.


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## t10eml (Nov 30, 2012)

I think there might be another man.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

t10eml said:


> I think there might be another man.


No sh!t, sherlock.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Follow her one day and you'll find out who her new boyfriend is. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

t10eml said:


> I think there might be another man.


Does this really matter? 

Personally, I wouldn't care (Though this forum strongly disagrees)


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

caladan said:


> Does this really matter?
> 
> Personally, I wouldn't care (Though this forum strongly disagrees)


That's the only thing that matters.

As long as there are 3 people in the picture, there is no chance for OP to keep his wife.


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

keko said:


> That's the only thing that matters.
> 
> As long as there are 3 people in the picture, there is no chance for OP to keep his wife.


I see your point. I am however strongly averse to the entire idea of "begging" or otherwise convincing someone to stay. For me, once the other party wants to leave (as different from if the other party wants a discussion), It's over.

I know, I know. Nuclear option, etc.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

caladan said:


> I see your point. I am however strongly averse to the entire idea of "begging" or otherwise convincing someone to stay. For me, once the other party wants to leave (as different from if the other party wants a discussion), It's over.
> 
> I know, I know. Nuclear option, etc.


I'm of the same view as well. But the OP appears to be very weak emotionally, maybe seeing his stbx wife banging another man would toughen him up and help him make stronger decisions.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

keko said:


> I'm of the same view as well. But the OP appears to be very weak emotionally, maybe seeing his stbx wife banging another man would toughen him up and help him make stronger decisions.


Or at least to know WTH just happened. So many dudes on here would rather not know the truth about who they married.


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