# Crushed on Thanksgiving



## hipcat77 (Nov 28, 2011)

I've tried to shorten my posting.

My husband and I have been married 4 years but together for 14. On Thanksgiving morning he comes home from a business trip and tells me he cannot do this anymore. He needed some space and I needed to give it to him. He is unhappy with everything and is tired of fighting. He left me alone crying on Thanksgiving day.
Here is some background, over the last 3 months, my husband has been traveling alot for work and at the same time found a love for the casino. We went out there a couple of times together but it wasn't really my thing so I didn't continue to go much. It started where he was coming home later and later and getting irritated when I would call him asking him when he was coming home. I then have noticed that he was falling behind on some of his financial obligations. So because of all of this, we have been arguing a lot lately.

He has been staying at a “friends” house and has been very short in contact with me. The first couple of days he called but has started to not return my calls.

A couple of days ago I found inconsistencies in his travel and looked into it. I couldn’t find that he had been traveling and could see local charges at the casino when he was supposed to be gone.

I had met with his mom who was a friend first before a MIL and talked about my concerns. Eventually I shared my worry about the gambling and the inconsistencies w/travel. She ended up really upset about it and eventually lashed out at him. He later called me in a fury. He said that I asked you to give me space and you had to go to my mom and tell her all of this so now I want a divorce. He went on yelling at me and then said you want to know something, I met someone and we dont fight about money and she doesnt care about my finances. He said that he's only seen her four times or something like that. I was just numb and hurt. Later that even he sent me a text and said that he will always love me and misses me and wishes that it didn't have to be this way. 

The last couple of days have just been up and down. We had dinner last night and talked a little bit. I talked to him about the things that he said that were making him so unhappy and said that why cant we make some major changes to the things that make him so unhappy. I felt like he was taking some things in and then he would stop and say no I thing we should just end this. He seems to think that I am going to continue be his best friend and stay in his life. That is just crazy. He said this girl is a friend and he is not sleeping with her. Now in the course of our 14 year relationship, we have had this happen 2 times before. Once after about a year of dating, he met someone and then they eventually eloped. It lasted a month and she left. Then he tried to win me back and after a lot of begging, I caved. Then about 7 years in we had another hiccup where he wanted his own place. We lived apart for like 2 months and then we moved back in. So obviously right now I just dont know what to think about. I am dying here. I cant eat, I cant sleep, I cant work out. Its been a week and I have lost 10 lbs. I just no what to do. I really feel like it is to soon to rush into a divorce. Is there any hope that we can fix this mess? He said that we could talk more this weekend.


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## hurtingsobad (Oct 29, 2011)

Find a marriage counselor and both get there asap. Don't let this problem continue until your marriage is DOA! I let that happen, and now I'm here.

Sounds like he is addicted to gambling?! Tell him to come clean and tell you the truth. As painful as the answer might be, it's still better to hear the truth than any half truths or outright lies.

He's owes you that, and he also owes you an effort to reconcile!

Good luck to you!


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

He sounds double whammied. 
A gambling addict and a cheater.
Neither something you can work out.
He will have to hit bottom before you may fix the relationship but don't count on it.
Try to secure as much of the finances as you can as soon as possible.
File for legal separation or divorce to protect your finances.

You simply have no time to waste in protecting yourself. None. 

Addicts care for nothing but getting the next fix. Gambling addicts and people in affairs. He is in an affair. (He will lie to you cause that is was cheaters do).


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I agree about the financial situation. He could gamble every penny that you have.
Unfortunately, he'll have to hit bottom before he can go back up.
If he isn't willing to do marriage counseling at least go to counseling for yourself to help you through this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hipcat77 (Nov 28, 2011)

We really do not have joint finances other than our house. That is why it was hard to know for sure that he was gambling. I really dont want to rush into a divorce as I really do hope that he will come to his senses. He is a complicated one for sure. He has issues with depression has always been a loner and I have been his one and only best friend for the last 14 years. I cannot even believe that he would through that away.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

A house can be the biggest asset you own.
Talk to lawyers on the phone for advice on that.
Perhaps you could file for a legal sep in your state to divide the assets, and, by the way, though you H and you don't have joint accounts, you are still responsible for his debts and his funds were probably legally your assets before plundering caused them to evaporate.
Protect yourself. (gambling addicts tend to steal from others to gamble when their own funds are gone)


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