# Divorce, feelings and finances.



## Tayla (Nov 8, 2021)

I recently filed a divorce and here’s why.
My stbx and I have been together for almost 15 years and we were married for only a couple of years. Our relationship has definitely took a change since I started working from home. My husband claimed it was rough and stressful on him because I was at home all the time. My work schedule from home was from 9a-6p and his work schedule was 2p to 11p, where he had to leave for work. It wasn’t like I was in his way when he was getting ready for work or anything. I was glued to my upstairs bedroom where’d I slept and work.

Anyways this man has always faulted and blamed me on the way he reacted or took actions. He blamed me for all the times he cheated, because I lacked in something; he blamed me for him breaking shyt around the house, because that was a way to get my attention; he would start mean and hateful arguments, because that was the way he can ever get me to talk or communicate with him; he sends money to other women for sexual pleasures and never contributed to the household necessities not even $1.00, so when confronted, I’m invading his privacy and was told I go looking for stuff that he does wrong; he tries to control who I tend to be friends with, because they all magically gets into my head, he says I put more time And effort into my friends then into him; he tells me I'm not affectionate, I don’t cook (because for
one, he never gives me money towards groceries), he says I don’t have any hobbies, he says that I am unstable because I job hop(but never lacked in any bills nor been late on anything) that I am an alcoholic or pill popper. Y’all, I have had the same wine in my fridge since almost a year and 1/2 and bottles of liquor on the cabinet since summer of 2020 and hadn’t purchased any new bottles of anything. He says I’m a pill popper because as soon as I turned 30 I had horrible back spasms and was prescribed muscle relaxers. They only gave me a RX of 20 in a bottle and I could only take them at night. they made me too sleepy in the day time to take while working. So when I did take them it was only at night. I endured all that pain during the day so I could work. he complained that I was sleeping too long. I had to take them early in the night, I would be sleep by 1030p and had to be up at 7a, but he complained that was too long to sleep. He would say I go to bed after you and be up before you. So why even label this drug like it’s a major narcotic!?? Just stupid!

he would always complain on what im not doing and being around him has given me major anxiety.

Early December he got started with one of his bytch fits and it lead to a domestic dispute. I left the home and hadn’t been back since. I took my clothes, my cars (both in my name, one he drove and the other I drive), mattress set and desk. The only thing he was concerned about was me taking his car, not the fact he physically shoved me around to the point of me having to take the things I own.Before this happened, he would always say if I took his car, he would hate me more than ever. So I sold his car, since it was only in my name, paid the car loan off and kept the remainder funds.

He also changed my Sprint account login and wouldn’t give me access to MY ACCOUNT to look at the bill. I had two lines, mines and his. I paid my phone off and dropped to prepaid with another server. So he’s going to be even more pissed at me, because now I cancelled his phone service. Reason being, I didn’t have access to view the account and didn’t want him getting new phone or other devices under my name.

I know this is a lot of rambling but did I take the right actions to be away from this man for good? He’s been controlling and I don’t want any parts of him and he still doesn’t see he was the main factor in all of this. He always told me that he was unhappy or that I make him unhappy and that’s the reason he acts the way he does. If that’s the case, then we no longer need to be together! I filed for divorce! Even after the domestic dispute he was mad because I didn’t tell him where I moved to. He knows who I am with but doesn’t know where she lives. I watched snapped too many times and I needed out of this situation. Thoughts?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I can't believe you stayed so long. He is a cheat, violent, controlling. Yes you absolutely did the right thing. 
See a lawyer and get that divorce started.


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## MattOly94 (Nov 20, 2021)

Yes, you absolutely did the right thing. Sounds like you dont have any kids together? Thats a big bonus, imagine having kids with him and having to deal with him because of that. He was controlling and very mentally abusive, even finally got physical. Probably thought he was the king of the house when in reality he aint sh*t! Good for you. Move on and dont look back, none of it was your fault and remember that. Dont make him guilt trip you into thinking you had a part in the failure of this marriage.


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## nicolelynne0516 (Jan 2, 2022)

Goodness, That is horrifying. Start over and be happy going forward. You'll probably need therapy to get past the abusive relationship.


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## Tayla (Nov 8, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I can't believe you stayed so long. He is a cheat, violent, controlling. Yes you absolutely did the right thing.
> See a lawyer and get that divorce started.


I wished I would have left sooner, but I guess I didn’t have the guts to early on.


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## Tayla (Nov 8, 2021)

nicolelynne0516 said:


> Goodness, That is horrifying. Start over and be happy going forward. You'll probably need therapy to get past the abusive relationship.


I can’t wait to start over to have a peace of mind and to be happy with myself again. 


MattOly94 said:


> Yes, you absolutely did the right thing. Sounds like you dont have any kids together? Thats a big bonus, imagine having kids with him and having to deal with him because of that. He was controlling and very mentally abusive, even finally got physical. Probably thought he was the king of the house when in reality he aint sh*t! Good for you. Move on and dont look back, none of it was your fault and remember that. Dont make him guilt trip you into thinking you had a part in the failure of this marriage.


No kids at all! He always talked about having kids but I knew he wasn’t the man to even go that route with. He still don’t see he has an abusive behavior nor see he shares the qualities of a narcissistic sociopath. It’s hard not to care for someone you been with for so long, but I do need to move on for
my own sanity.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Tayla said:


> He still don’t see he has an abusive behavior


He probably won't. Many times, abusive behavior was modeled in the family-of-origin. This makes it double-difficult, as they grow up to think that behavior is "right". Just go. Save yourself from more years of misery.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Tayla said:


> #1: No kids at all! He always talked about having kids but I knew he wasn’t the man to even go that route with.
> 
> #2: He still don’t see he has an abusive behavior nor see he shares the qualities of a narcissistic sociopath.
> 
> ...



#1: Thank God you never had kids with him. If you knew he wasn't the man to have kids with, you never should have been with him in the first place. 

#2: It's not your job to convince him he is abusive and a narcissistic sociopath. Your job is to get away from him and live your best life. 

#3: It's ok to mourn the loss of the relationship you thought you were going to have, but your own well being depends on getting away from him.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Isn't it something the misery we put up with? OP read your initial post while pretending you didn't write it. I imagine you thinking WTF, why would anybody stay in that marriage? 

Once you are out of it you are going to be so happy and at peace, you'll wonder what took you so long.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I didn't need to read very far before I could tell that you are staying in an abusive relationship where you're husband gas lights you all the time. There's just really no need for any more particulars other than that. You know he's wrong and that he's treating you bad so why are you still there? I'm not asking for me. I'm asking you to ask yourself that. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who took responsibility for his own actions?


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## Zasered (Jan 5, 2022)

Honey, he's an abuser and a cheater. You made the right decision about divorce. Don't ever go back to him again. I know it will be hard, but you deserve better. Hugs to you.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

He is a complete douche bag but let’s get beyond that for a second. I got a little hint that maybe you are in Texas. If you file a police report you will usually get an automatic restraining order as well. A friend of my wife just went through this.

Do not go back to him !!!


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## Kassi (11 mo ago)

I heard someone say one time "divorce is hard, but you've been doing hard things for a long time." Sounds like that is definitely true for you! Clearly, you are just fine on your own. Good for you.


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