# Tired of fighting



## Dontknowwhattodo (Oct 8, 2009)

Hi.

I have been married for 2.5 years and I feel like it has been the worst time of my life. My husband is from a different culture and we fight about his family all the time. I am not comfortable going to their house but I have agreed to go for him. Yesterday we fought because I did not want to eat there and his mom would be mad if we didn't. I am sick of him putting his families feelings first before mine. We fight every other day and do not ever resolve our issues it is the same thing over and over again. He has been violent with me and sent me to the hospital. Yesterday I slapped him a couple of times which is not like me. I feel like I am becoming a person who I hate.

I want to leave but my family guilts me into staying what will other people think?

I don;t know what to do I still care about him but I do not think that we can get over our differences. HELP!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Dont,

If there is violence involded, leave. What cultures? That isn't an excuse. Don't let your family guilt you in to staying. Do they know about the violence? How could your parents know that and guilt you in to staying. That is despicable if they do. I'm not going to sugarcoat that. IT JUST IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Physical violence has no place in any relationship.

Don't stand for that. And this is coming from a person with anger issues. I would never do physical violence. I would hide form it, afraid of what I might say or do so no confrontation whatsoever. Almost as bad as violence, but obviously not. GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just my opinion.


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## Dontknowwhattodo (Oct 8, 2009)

Hi.

That is what I would say to anyone in my shoes but I have know him for 10 years and I am having a hard time. He is indian from Indian I am from South America. I feel like I am becoming like him just as angry. I have thrown things too. I feel bad for slapping him last night but will he ever change?

I cannot stand his family and I feel like they have made him choose between me and them. Obviously he chose them. I am staying at my families house and he was too only last night he dropped me off here and did not come back. He has been texting me in an attempt to get me to call him but I have not.

My parents are dillusional that he will change I am not on the other hand. But I still do care about him....


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

Is Violence common in South America? I have heard it is in Brazil. Why would your parents want you to stay? that is crazy. If you have ended up in the hospital that should have been it. Your right you are changing and reacting to the situation. If you don't like what you are becoming then get out. Have you guys been to marriage counseling?


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## Dontknowwhattodo (Oct 8, 2009)

Yes we have counselling but did not continue with it. I admire you at least you have anger problems but do not act it out. Growing up in Canada, violence is not normal at all for me. I am so distraught because I feel like I am really hurting the people around me by wanting to seperate from my husband. I made my Dad cry which is something I have never seen in my entire life. 

My husband called me last night to say good-bye through a voice message. Told me that he hopes that I find what I am looking for in life and that although he knows this has to end it will be hard. This is not something I am denying-I have not seen him for 1.5 days and I miss him terribly. I really loved him very much during our courtship of 8 years but I feel like we have lost a lot in our relationship. I know for me I do not trust him to think in my best interest and since he abused me I do not trust him with my safety.

I guess he is happy since he has told me that I am trying to keep him away from seeing his parents and he is staying there now. Even though he goes to see them once a week. I will never forget a couple of nights ago when he was crying. Even though I care about him I know that for the sake of my future I need to let this person go but I don't know how. I think I will always think to myself what if....Last night I spent looking at pics from my honeymoon-how happy we were then. So many things have happened since and I cannot believe that this is how my marrigae turned out but I guess we don't all have crystal balls. His clothes are still here and he will be coming to pick them up I don't think that I can bear to be around. Do you think that I am giving up? Will he ever change? How do you let go of something that you have known for so long?


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