# Guys, what if your wife found porn...



## Woodchuck

What would your reaction be if your partner found porn on your computer, and insisted that you should stop watching all porn, and if you felt the need to masturbate you could only do it to videos of the two of you having sex????

the woodchuck


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## thatbpguy

There are a LOT of different answers to this due to people's various dispositions.

Now, since our sex life is really good wifey would be disappointed but leave it up to me (for the most part). But if she felt it was affecting any part of our life then I would be told to stop.

For the record, I do not watch porn.


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## Wiserforit

Woodchuck said:


> What would your reaction be if your partner found porn on your computer, and insisted that you should stop watching all porn, and if you felt the need to masturbate you could only do it to videos of the two of you having sex????
> 
> the woodchuck


This framing omits the most important pre-condition: couples should have this worked out before they are married.

For some, like us - this scenario is an impossibility since mine selects the porn we watch and she is uncanny in her ability to select just the right girls. The guys aren't of concern to either of us.

For others, this scenario implies a violation of a previous agreement. 

For the ones that never worked it out beforehand, that's a problem of their own making.


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## Woodchuck

A wife on another board was almost bragging after she did this to her husband....I was wondering why she didn't confiscate his junk, since she seemed to want complete control over it....

the woodchuck


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## thatbpguy

Wiserforit said:


> This framing omits the most important pre-condition: couples should have this worked out before they are married.


I'm going to disagree as most men do not start with the porn until well into their marriages. It is a symptom of many failed things in a man's life.


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## Shoto1984

I would set up a production schedule for recording sex vids with her! Who needs internet porn if you have a gal who's ready to star in your own? Yeah baby!


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## thatbpguy

Shoto1984 said:


> I would set up a production schedule for recording sex vids with her! Who needs internet porn if you have a gal who's ready to star in your own? Yeah baby!


I see the birth of a new cottage industry.


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## tacoma

Woodchuck said:


> What would your reaction be if your partner found porn on your computer, and insisted that you should stop watching all porn, and if you felt the need to masturbate you could only do it to videos of the two of you having sex????
> 
> the woodchuck


Hysterical laughter.


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## tacoma

thatbpguy said:


> I'm going to disagree as most men do not start with the porn until well into their marriages. It is a symptom of many failed things in a man's life.


How long have you been a man?

The vast majority of men use porn before they ever lose their virginity.

Unless they were trapped in a closet somewhere until well after puberty.


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## thatbpguy

tacoma said:


> How long have you been a man?
> 
> The vast majority of men use porn before they ever lose their virginity.
> 
> Unless they were trapped in a closet somewhere until well after puberty.


I disagree 100%.

Now, that said, I'm 55 and internet porn wasn't around when I was a young pup. That said, I talked about this with a guy who counsels men with sex addictions and he tells me the vast majority of men turn to porn after they are married.


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## tacoma

thatbpguy said:


> I disagree 100%.
> 
> Now, that said, I'm 55 and internet porn wasn't around when I was a young pup. That said, I talked about this with a guy who counsels men with sex addictions and he tells me the vast majority of men turn to porn after they are married.


I'd like a poll of the guys here.

Who was wanking to the national geographic well before they were married?
Anyone else stumble across their dads Hustler stash?

Your counselor friend needs to get out more.

I don't know of any male that didn't become sexually active with himself the moment puberty hit and porn has always been a route for that release from the dawn of time.


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## tacoma

thatbpguy said:


> I disagree 100%.
> 
> Now, that said, I'm 55 and internet porn wasn't around when I was a young pup. That said, I talked about this with a guy who counsels men with sex addictions and he tells me the vast majority of men turn to porn after they are married.


Ahh..just noticed this.

Your counsellor friend isn't talking about casual common porn use.

He's talking about the rise of an addiction.

Not every man who views porn is an addict and the VAST majority use it well before marriage


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## PHTlump

Woodchuck said:


> What would your reaction be if your partner found porn on your computer, and insisted that you should stop watching all porn, and if you felt the need to masturbate you could only do it to videos of the two of you having sex???


If one's wife is willing to provide homemade porn for one to watch, then I think that is a compromise that is more than fair.


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## chillymorn

sounds like fun start the camera rolling. you get to be a porn star in your own mind!


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## Kobo

Sure. Just know I shop for porn like women shop for shoes so I'll need videos that include anal, dp, big booty, dark skin black women,light skin black women, Latina women, blondes, red heads, 3somes, blow-bangs, cum on face, cum in mouth, And A-T-M. If she is willing and has the ability to provide the variety that porn provides then let's do it.


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## unbelievable

If I had a wife and needed to masturbate to porn, that would be my primary problem, not her reaction to finding it. If I had to turn to porn because she wasn't participating sexually, I wouldn't care what she found or how she felt about it.


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## thatbpguy

tacoma said:


> I'd like a poll of the guys here.
> 
> Who was wanking to the national geographic well before they were married?
> Anyone else stumble across their dads Hustler stash?
> 
> Your counselor friend needs to get out more.
> 
> I don't know of any male that didn't become sexually active with himself the moment puberty hit and porn has always been a route for that release from the dawn of time.


SO if I understand you right, you are saying the vast majority of men under 25 (as an example) watch internet porn?

OK, I'll look it up and see if that is right. It may be...

Oh, no, I didn't go through National Geographic for my kicks. I had girlfriends since age 15 that assisted me with all that.


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## Shoto1984

This whole porn thing goes round and round here. Lets assume for a minute that we can agree on what "porn" is. What is the real issue? Is it someone's frequency of masturbation? Is it the effects on some people of some kinds of porn? Is it someone's insecurity that they're partner is enjoying their sexuality solo? Is it someone's insecurity that they are being compared to actors in porn videos? ??????


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## richie33

I am 40, been in the military, work in a very blue collar job... all men. I have not come across too many men who haven't looked at some type of porn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ocotillo

thatbpguy said:


> I disagree 100%.
> 
> Now, that said, I'm 55 and internet porn wasn't around when I was a young pup. That said, I talked about this with a guy who counsels men with sex addictions and he tells me the vast majority of men turn to porn after they are married.


A recent study at the University of Montreal intended to compare the views of men in their 20s who had never been exposed to pornography with regular users stumbled at the first hurdle when they failed to find a single man who had not been seen it. I kid you not.

Of course these studies are conducted almost entirely upon undergraduate volunteers, so wouldn't necessarily would be true of all men.


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## Wiserforit

thatbpguy said:


> I'm going to disagree as most men do not start with the porn until well into their marriages. It is a symptom of many failed things in a man's life.


Utter rubbish. 

According to porn use statistics, 93% of men have been exposed to porn _before age 18_. 

All Men Look at Pornography, Right? | CitizenLink

There is a study quoted in there that boys age 12-17 were the largest consumer group and that the average age of exposure to their first playboy magazine was age 11.

The old "I have a friend who has a PhD in porn use" routine doesn't cut it on a site where people can look up professional studies in a moment's time.


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## gettingout

thatbpguy said:


> I'm going to disagree as most men do not start with the porn until well into their marriages. It is a symptom of many failed things in a man's life.


This is the silliest thing I've ever heard. Wasn't til RIGHT after we were married that I found my STBX's extensive porn collection (on disks back then), and would see that he would watch it for hours at a time when I was out of the house (from the browser history), or 
or within a day after having sex. And because he wouldn't talk to me about it/ we couldn't talk about it / he would lie about it / I would get upset and become LD (plus I was on the pill which made it worse) and then we had other family stress....fast forward more than a decade and there are lawyers involved - ironically, not because of the porn or even infidelity or the adult sex clubs he would look up while traveling but because of the general meanness (and towards the child no less) and lack of respect and Jeckyll and Hyde behaviour. 

Fast forward, I'm off the pill, better self esteem, mid 40s, better educated (thank you Dan Savage), more HD....hoping the next guy reaps the benefits.


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## always_alone

Kobo said:


> Sure. Just know I shop for porn like women shop for shoes so I'll need videos that include anal, dp, big booty, dark skin black women,light skin black women, Latina women, blondes, red heads, 3somes, blow-bangs, cum on face, cum in mouth, And A-T-M. If she is willing and has the ability to provide the variety that porn provides then let's do it.


And they say men *don't* compare their wives to porn...

Ummm. Sure.


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## always_alone

unbelievable said:


> If I had a wife and needed to masturbate to porn, that would be my primary problem, not her reaction to finding it. If I had to turn to porn because she wasn't participating sexually, I wouldn't care what she found or how she felt about it.


Had to? I thought most men watched porn no matter how often they're getting some live.

Then of course, there's the ones who watch porn then tell their wives they're too tired...


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## JCD

tacoma said:


> I'd like a poll of the guys here.
> 
> Who was wanking to the national geographic well before they were married?
> Anyone else stumble across their dads Hustler stash?
> 
> Your counselor friend needs to get out more.
> 
> I don't know of any male that didn't become sexually active with himself the moment puberty hit and porn has always been a route for that release from the dawn of time.


Absolutely agree. The counselor is incorrect at least as far as I am concerned.


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## JCD

I would offer her the legitimate consequence of her fiat.

Since SHE is the one who is stating that SHE is the only sexual outlet that you need or are allowed, SHE has just put herself on the hook for ALL of your sexual relief. So when you want a blowjob, she has to provide it right then and there. Don't care about the roast. Don't care about picking up the kids. Don't care if it's during the Pastor's sermon. (That is what backseats are for) She is also on the hook for bondage, sex toys shoved into various orifices, golden showers and any sexual position you happen to desire. (Try the 'Pile Driver' where even seasoned porn actresses TELL the director they are only doing it for 30 seconds so they better get it in one take)

After the fourth call to her telling her to get home to service you, I'm betting she reconsiders.


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## Bottled Up

Demanding is a position of power. The only way to respond to a demand is also from a position of power. When being challenged, stand up in the face of a challenge and make your own demands.

Now, if the wife had a respectable concerning discussion with you about it, then you respond in kind...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yours4ever

I found my husband mastubating to porn. I didn't have a problem with that and told him it is his choice. I also casually ask him if he doesn't think it is hypocritical that he said women should dress modestly and yet he viewed naked women. He nodded. I also said isn't it the same viewing those videos are like inviting people to be naked at home. There wasn't much different. He nodded. And I told him again it is his choice to watch porn or not.

The next day I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I thought it was no big deal that my husband view porn. Hey, naked women having sex on video are just objects/tools to him. They don't mean a thing, don't they? But the fact that we are married and I am taking care of our child, and he watched ANOTHER woman naked, having sex, and arousing him... That just isn't right. Especially when you believe in God and the holy scripture told us to stay away from shameful deeds...

So I broke down and well, just let him know I have issue with porn. 

Viewing porn, imo, its the same as going to a strip club and to me, that's borderline to cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *LittleDeer*

Kobo said:


> Sure. Just know I shop for porn like women shop for shoes so I'll need videos that include anal, dp, big booty, dark skin black women,light skin black women, Latina women, blondes, red heads, 3somes, blow-bangs, cum on face, cum in mouth, And A-T-M. If she is willing and has the ability to provide the variety that porn provides then let's do it.


You feel you need to watch ATM.
That's some sick stuff. 
Where is the vomit emoticon?

And porns not a problem, but some men say if there wife doesn't like them watching ally sorts of demeaning porn, that they should be willing to provide it. 

That's love and genuine caring for women right there! 

I can't imagine treating my lived one like that.


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## Kobo

always_alone said:


> And they say men *don't* compare their wives to porn...
> 
> Ummm. Sure.


No one is comparing. She says she wants to be a replacement. Someone's projecting again....


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## Kobo

*LittleDeer* said:


> You feel you need to watch ATM.
> That's some sick stuff.
> Where is the vomit emoticon?
> 
> And porns not a problem, but some men say if there wife doesn't like them watching ally sorts of demeaning porn, that they should be willing to provide it.
> 
> That's love and genuine caring for women right there!
> 
> I can't imagine treating my lived one like that.




I don't have a "need" for any of it. I watch what I watch because I want to. This was not about a women saying I don't want you watching that type or this type of porn. This was a woman saying you won't watch any porn unless we've made it. No problem, let's get the camera out but realize I rarely watch the same scene twice so making two films won't cut it. This will become an ongoing activity with many variations.


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## PHTlump

I think there's a disconnect in the terminology here. I was fairly typical and a buddy showed me one of his dad's Playboys when I was about 11. I looked at it a few times over a period of a week or two and then I stopped. Does that mean I was "using" pornography at that age? I wouldn't say so.

Would you characterize someone who has tried alcohol, but doesn't regularly drink, as a "drinker?"

I think there is a difference between someone who views pornography for hours a day, someone who views pornography every now and again, and someone who rarely views pornography. Some on this thread don't seem to make any such distinctions.


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## richie33

Some say all those examples are porn addicts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kobo

PHTlump said:


> I think there's a disconnect in the terminology here. I was fairly typical and a buddy showed me one of his dad's Playboys when I was about 11. I looked at it a few times over a period of a week or two and then I stopped. Does that mean I was "using" pornography at that age? I wouldn't say so.
> 
> Would you characterize someone who has tried alcohol, but doesn't regularly drink, as a "drinker?"
> 
> I think there is a difference between someone who views pornography for hours a day, someone who views pornography every now and again, and someone who rarely views pornography. Some on this thread don't seem to make any such distinctions.


Since the stance is porn = bad it doesn't really matter how often.


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## always_alone

Kobo said:


> No one is comparing. She says she wants to be a replacement. Someone's projecting again....


So in order for her to capture you sexual interest, she needs to be every woman willing to do everything, no matter how painful or difficult, to satisfy your. She needs to provide infinite variety on demand 24/7 or she is just simply not enough.

Nope, no comparisons or impossible standards there.


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## Kobo

always_alone said:


> So in order for her to capture you sexual interest, she needs to be every woman willing to do everything, no matter how painful or difficult, to satisfy your. She needs to provide infinite variety on demand 24/7 or she is just simply not enough.
> 
> Nope, no comparisons or impossible standards there.


LMAO. Did you read the original post? Or are you again throwing BS against the wall to stick? The OP is discussing a wife informing (not asking) her husband that she is replacing his porn use with their home movies. If she is making this demand then she needs to fully replace it not half way. No one is forcing this poor helpless woman to make this demand. She put on her big girl pants. Now its time for the follow through.


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## PHTlump

Kobo said:


> Since the stance is porn = bad it doesn't really matter how often.


I was referring to the statement about how many men don't start using porn until after their married sex life turns stale. Arguing against that statement by saying that most men catch glimpses of their fathers' Playboys at an early age seems nonsensical.


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## Toffer

Well to answer the question, if she found it on the computer I'd probably get all passive/aggressive on her and tell maybe if we had sex more frequently, it wouldn't be necessary AND if we were have sex more frequently, I doubt I'd have the need to rub one out!


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## always_alone

Kobo said:


> LMAO. Did you read the original post? Or are you again throwing BS against the wall to stick? The OP is discussing a wife informing (not asking) her husband that she is replacing his porn use with their home movies. If she is making this demand then she needs to fully replace it not half way. No one is forcing this poor helpless woman to make this demand. She put on her big girl pants. Now its time for the follow through.


Of course not. No woman can be expected to fulfill her husband sexually. She should just accept that he needs to go elsewhere to satisfy himself. No sign at all that she is inadequate for him. It's obvious that no one woman could never be all that, so she should just give up and let him do whatever he wants. Better still be grateful that he isn't actually physically cheating.

And so many men wondering why heir wives aren't all that interested in sex with them ...

Couldn't have anything to do with recognizing that pleasing your man is an exercise in futility, could it? Nah!


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## Kobo

always_alone said:


> Of course not. No woman can be expected to fulfill her husband sexually. She should just accept that he needs to go elsewhere to satisfy himself. No sign at all that she is inadequate for him. It's obvious that no one woman could never be all that, so she should just give up and let him do whatever he wants. Better still be grateful that he isn't actually physically cheating.
> 
> And so many men wondering why heir wives aren't all that interested in sex with them ...
> 
> Couldn't have anything to do with recognizing that pleasing your man is an exercise in futility, could it? Nah!


Again, stop projecting
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## always_alone

Kobo said:


> Again, stop projecting


Saying that a woman has to be all things porn in order for her to be as interesting as porn is pretty much the equivalent of telling her that there is no way in h3ll that she can fully meet your sexual needs.

You may be okay with this since you always have porn to turn to, but she make take this as her cue to give up trying. Why go to all that effort to please him if he's just going to want more, better, different -- some of which she cannot possibly live up to (wrong size, skin color, shape, etc). Besides, she might reason, you always have your infinite variety awaiting you on the internet. You don't really need her to do all that.

But, my mistake, I'm here in the Men's Clubhouse with one woman's perspective. I'll get out now and leave you to it.


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## JCD

*LittleDeer* said:


> You feel you need to watch ATM.
> That's some sick stuff.
> Where is the vomit emoticon?
> 
> And porns not a problem, but some men say if there wife doesn't like them watching ally sorts of demeaning porn, that they should be willing to provide it.
> 
> That's love and genuine caring for women right there!
> 
> I can't imagine treating my lived one like that.


Hmmm...but post nuptials ultimatums are the ultimate in caring and respect...


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## Entropy3000

Woodchuck said:


> What would your reaction be if your partner found porn on your computer, and insisted that you should stop watching all porn, and if you felt the need to masturbate you could only do it to videos of the two of you having sex????
> 
> the woodchuck


Awesome!!!!!!!!


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## Shoto1984

Maybe there is a language issue here. As an American-English speaker and a male, I read several of the posts and see much humor and playful sarcasm. I think some of that is being missed and posts taken literally.


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## PHTlump

always_alone said:


> Saying that a woman has to be all things porn in order for her to be as interesting as porn is pretty much the equivalent of telling her that there is no way in h3ll that she can fully meet your sexual needs.


I don't think many men would say that. However, porn is interesting. But it's not really a competition. I understand that my wife can't really act the same as a 20 year-old actress who is being paid to act enthusiastic and entertaining.

That's no different than me understanding that I can't really be as interesting as the billionaire vampire pirate captains that dominate much entertainment today. My solution to that isn't to pout and forbid my wife from consuming all entertainment that might be threatening to me (books, TV, movies, magazines, internet).

I mean, why would your average Joe struggle to bring home his weekly paycheck, when his wife is just going to turn on something featuring a billionaire? Why should he struggle to lose 10 pounds when his wife is going to watch Dr. Hardbody's latest dramatic crisis? Joe could rationalize that his wife can just get rich, handsome men who never age and can alternatively listen to women, or give them spankings, as they like it by reading their minds? Who can compete with that?

Well, nobody. Because it's not real. I don't worry about my wife watching a George Clooney movie. Because George Clooney is not an option for my wife. And, in reality, George Clooney isn't a vampire, or a spy, or nearly as interesting as the characters he plays. Similarly, porn isn't really an option for men. I've never met a man, or even heard of one from a friend of a friend, who cheated on his wife with a porn star.


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## chillymorn

PHTlump said:


> I don't think many men would say that. However, porn is interesting. But it's not really a competition. I understand that my wife can't really act the same as a 20 year-old actress who is being paid to act enthusiastic and entertaining.
> 
> That's no different than me understanding that I can't really be as interesting as the billionaire vampire pirate captains that dominate much entertainment today. My solution to that isn't to pout and forbid my wife from consuming all entertainment that might be threatening to me (books, TV, movies, magazines, internet).
> 
> I mean, why would your average Joe struggle to bring home his weekly paycheck, when his wife is just going to turn on something featuring a billionaire? Why should he struggle to lose 10 pounds when his wife is going to watch Dr. Hardbody's latest dramatic crisis? Joe could rationalize that his wife can just get rich, handsome men who never age and can alternatively listen to women, or give them spankings, as they like it by reading their minds? Who can compete with that?
> 
> Well, nobody. Because it's not real. I don't worry about my wife watching a George Clooney movie. Because George Clooney is not an option for my wife. And, in reality, George Clooney isn't a vampire, or a spy, or nearly as interesting as the characters he plays. Similarly, porn isn't really an option for men. I've never met a man, or even heard of one from a friend of a friend, who cheated on his wife with a porn star.


could not have said it better. 

buy the way erotica is classified as porn. And that would include most romance novels that have sex scenes in them. 


can we say double stan....never mind.


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## JCD

always_alone said:


> Saying that a woman has to be all things porn in order for her to be as interesting as porn is pretty much the equivalent of telling her that there is no way in h3ll that she can fully meet your sexual needs.
> 
> You may be okay with this since you always have porn to turn to, but she make take this as her cue to give up trying. Why go to all that effort to please him if he's just going to want more, better, different -- some of which she cannot possibly live up to (wrong size, skin color, shape, etc). Besides, she might reason, you always have your infinite variety awaiting you on the internet. You don't really need her to do all that.
> 
> But, my mistake, I'm here in the Men's Clubhouse with one woman's perspective. I'll get out now and leave you to it.


I can't speak of ALL women, but lets discuss studies.

They tested men and women's porn viewing habits (OMG! Women view porn?!? )

Women liked to find an established star and watch HIM. She fostered a 'relationship' with a specific figure. Changes in stars didn't interest her as much. Her interest INCREASED with each film she watched of X star.

Men's interest stayed level or even waned with repeated star viewing. He liked 'new blood'. Which is why it takes a Sean Connery decades to build a 'female sexy' persona, but it takes a Julia Roberts or a Catherine Zeta Jones one film.

Cavail against this if you'd like, but it's male and female hard wiring.

Now, this is not to say that men cannot or should not be monogamous. They can and should. Reason is our tool to fight against nature.

BUT the same women who issue these ultimatums are also the type to deny a man ANY variety. It's straight missionary 1.5 times a week, lights off 'don't get any sperm on the flannel nightie'. Blowjobs are a birthday treat...IF he's been a good boy and she's in the mood.

This is less about sex and more about nipping that ultimatum fairy in the bud.


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## HangingVine

Kobo said:


> Sure. Just know I shop for porn like women shop for shoes so I'll need videos that include anal, dp, big booty, dark skin black women,light skin black women, Latina women, blondes, red heads, 3somes, blow-bangs, cum on face, cum in mouth, And A-T-M. If she is willing and has the ability to provide the variety that porn provides then let's do it.


So you would be happy watching your wife in a DP situation?And "blow banging"?With other men's cum on her face and in her mouth?Her in 3 somes?What if she put her "big girl panties on" and did all that with strange men.And on film for you?would you then give up your porn?I mean porn that didn't include your wife?

You would be "satisfied" if your wife had 3 somes on film?If she wore a wig and spray painted her skin while other men came in her face?


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## HangingVine

> BUT the same women who issue these ultimatums are also the type to deny a man ANY variety. It's straight missionary 1.5 times a week, lights off 'don't get any sperm on the flannel nightie'. Blowjobs are a birthday treat...IF he's been a good boy and she's in the mood.


really? what have you been reading?And where ?


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## Kobo

always_alone said:


> Saying that a woman has to be all things porn in order for her to be as interesting as porn is pretty much the equivalent of telling her that there is no way in h3ll that she can fully meet your sexual needs.
> 
> You may be okay with this since you always have porn to turn to, but she make take this as her cue to give up trying. Why go to all that effort to please him if he's just going to want more, better, different -- some of which she cannot possibly live up to (wrong size, skin color, shape, etc). Besides, she might reason, you always have your infinite variety awaiting you on the internet. You don't really need her to do all that.
> 
> But, my mistake, I'm here in the Men's Clubhouse with one woman's perspective. I'll get out now and leave you to it.



Please review the original post before engaging the conversation. The post is of a woman saying she is replacing the man's porn with videos they make. The man is not telling her to do all the things the ladies of porn do. She is the one that she is inserting herself into some made up battle with porn actresses. You can't do that and then [email protected] out when its time to put the work in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kobo

HangingVine said:


> So you would be happy watching your wife in a DP situation?And "blow banging"?With other men's cum on her face and in her mouth?Her in 3 somes?What if she put her "big girl panties on" and did all that with strange men.And on film for you?would you then give up your porn?I mean porn that didn't include your wife?
> 
> You would be "satisfied" if your wife had 3 somes on film?If she wore a wig and spray painted her skin while other men came in her face?


Ever heard of a mff threesome? How about DP with a dildo? Go home, you're drunk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HangingVine

Kobo said:


> Ever heard of a mff threesome? How about DP with a dildo? Go home, you're drunk.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Really? I put my "big girl panties on" ...

All I know is if my husband challenged me to do what "big girls" do in porn I would call him on it..And that would mean way more than one man...WAY!!!And I don't count a "dil do' as a man.Thats a cheezy device.

Oh and of course I must be"drunk" that I would do the things your porn girls do.How telling.

The girls in porn DP with TWO MEN have you not seen that?Oh and yes Im sure they are drunk.Most porn stars are.They do cocaine too.

And???

All I'm saying is I would call you on it if you told me to put my big girl panties on if I said NO porn! And if you said (all you said) I would and including I want a variety of men..those girls arent "monogomous" ...No two scenes are the same..Those girls get VARIETY of men...


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## Kobo

HangingVine said:


> Really? I put my "big girl panties on" ...
> 
> All I know is if my husband challenged me to do what "big girls" do in porn I would call him on it..And that would mean way more than one man...WAY!!!And I don't count a "dil do' as a man.Thats a cheezy device.
> 
> Oh and of course I must be"drunk" that I would do the things your porn girls do.How telling.
> 
> The girls in porn DP with TWO MEN have you not seen that?Oh and yes Im sure they are drunk.Most porn stars are.They do cocaine too.
> 
> And???
> 
> All I'm saying is I would call you on it if you told me to put my big girl panties on if I said NO porn! And if you said (all you said) I would and including I want a variety of men..those girls arent "monogomous" ...No two scenes are the same..Those girls get VARIETY of men...


Sounds like your looking for a excuse to have sex with multiple men. Go ahead sister. I can hear you roar.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HangingVine

Kobo said:


> Sounds like your looking for a excuse to have sex with multiple men. Go ahead sister. I can hear you roar.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


HA HA!! Only for "variety"..Ya know...:smthumbup: Like PORN!


----------



## JCD

Geez, Hangingvine. WHEN a man makes it with an actual porn star, he is cheating. A man WATCHING a porn star is not engaging a personality. This is my personal definition of cheating: when a spouse is engaging a personality for emotional and sexual gratification (emotionally, at the expense of the primary relationship).

So...what this means is that a man who sexts with some other woman is cheating. A man who gets a lapdance is cheating ("Rub a little harder, dear"). A man who sees his avatar get a hummer in Second Life from another avatar manipulated by some other...person...is cheating.
.
.
.
A woman who 'goes out with her best female friend' at the expense of her husband IS CHEATING. Emotional affairs can come from platonic friendship too.

So if you want to equate a man watching a 10 year old film of Jenna Jameson when she was still hot with you doing it with multiple men, go right ahead even though the difference is very clear. (expect the divorce papers rather quickly)

All the women getting worked up about the porn issue are ignoring the two most important issues in this discussion

1) the OPs wife is very comfortable by giving fiats, diktats, ultimatums and commands to her husband.

2) the OPs wife feels that HER sexuality automatically trumps his without discussion.

Please defend these views.

Because if marriage is about equality, I'm betting that the OP has a couple of ultimatums he would be MORE THAN HAPPY to lay on his wife. She opened that door. Why should SHE be the only one to get her way?


----------



## JCD

It feels like some of the commenters are writing this script in their head, perhaps from their own experiences...perhaps not.

"Sob sob...I do everything for that man. I go down on him and wear sexy clothes and we did those awful awful things to try and make him happy and he STILL insists on watching porn."

Essentially, the wife of the OP is being cast as the total victim and given extra points for 'allowing' him 'personal porn'. Oh isn't she open minded and wonderful?

Well...no, this is projection. MY projection is just as valid, of her as a hyper-Conservative Blue Stocking Victorian Spinster type, looking at the ceiling and thinking of England as he does his Hunnish thing to her.

No one is 100% victim or 100% right.

From a male perspective, this smacks of sexual blackmail: "If you want access to my vagina, you have to do what I say."

This, for the record, bites. It fosters a LOT of male resentment. It weakens the very bonds she is seeking to strengthen.

There has got to be a better way of dealing with this sort of situation.


----------



## Grayson

Woodchuck said:


> What would your reaction be if your partner found porn on your computer, and insisted that you should stop watching all porn, and if you felt the need to masturbate you could only do it to videos of the two of you having sex????
> 
> the woodchuck


No reaction. She knows it's there. She doesn't care that it's there. It wouldn't take much for her to find it, as it's not hidden from her, but is in a folder that isn't accessible by our son's login.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## johnnycomelately

Woodchuck said:


> What would your reaction be if your partner found porn on your computer, and insisted that you should stop watching all porn, and if you felt the need to masturbate you could only do it to videos of the two of you having sex????
> 
> the woodchuck


I would question whether I wanted to be married someone who demanded control over my masturbation habits and fantasy life. I wouldn't do it to her, so I would expect the same in return.


----------



## johnnycomelately

thatbpguy said:


> I disagree 100%.
> 
> Now, that said, I'm 55 and internet porn wasn't around when I was a young pup. That said, I talked about this with a guy who counsels men with sex addictions and he tells me the vast majority of men turn to porn after they are married.


The guy you spoke to is full of it. Researchers studying porn use amongst college students have found it difficult, because it is hard to find college age men who don't use porn.

Pornography study that was doomed to fail after scientists couldn't find a single man who hadn't viewed x-rated material | Mail Online


----------



## always_alone

chillymorn said:


> could not have said it better.
> 
> buy the way erotica is classified as porn. And tha would include most romance novels that have sex scenes in them.
> 
> 
> can we say double stan....never mind.


I get your point. Can i assume then that you would have nothing to say if I were to post the following:

Sure. I'd be happy to put down my novel and vibrator, and focus on my man. But just know that I shop for fantasy like men shop for electronics. I want quality, brand name and highest fidelity. That means billionaire, baby, along with tall, dark and handsome. You think your paltry salary is enough to get me going? Pfffft. And let's not forget bedroom skills. And the power to grant me immortality by sucking my blood. If you're willing and able, then let's do it. Until then, well, tough luck. You have no right to control what I need to be sexually aroused.

[For the record, I don't read romance novels, and don't find either money or vampires to be sexually interesting.]


----------



## Grayson

staarz21 said:


> I don't know very many women who do read romance novels or swoon over vampires or werewolves. I do have several young cousins in the 11 to 17 age range who probably cuddle pillows with their favorite vamp on the pillow case.
> 
> I'm just saying...the fantasy that most men * think* most women have is completely distorted.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Meanwhile, I can attest to two of my wife's former co-workers, married women in their 40's, who were rabid fans of Twilight, one of whom would frequently post on Facebook about how great it was every time one of the actors in particular was shown without his shirt, and both of whom were so "offended" when I'd poke fun at the horrible writing and even more horrible message the series contained that they not only de-friended me, but blocked me.

Extreme, to be sure. But, at its most basic, there's a simple truism in play: If there were no market for romance novels, they wouldn't exist.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Grayson

always_alone said:


> [For the record, I don't read romance novels, and don't find either money or vampires to be sexually interesting.]


I notice you didn't mention the pirates. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PHTlump

johnnycomelately said:


> The guy you spoke to is full of it. Researchers studying porn use amongst college students have found it difficult, because it is hard to find college age men who don't use porn.


I think you're also misunderstanding the point at hand. Nobody is saying that men wait until their married sex life wanes to ever even look at porn for the first time. What they are saying is that it is common to wait until that time to begin viewing pornography regularly. There is a difference.


----------



## Kobo

always_alone said:


> I get your point. Can i assume then that you would have nothing to say if I were to post the following:
> 
> Sure. I'd be happy to put down my novel and vibrator, and focus on my man. But just know that I shop for fantasy like men shop for electronics. I want quality, brand name and highest fidelity. That means billionaire, baby, along with tall, dark and handsome. You think your paltry salary is enough to get me going? Pfffft. And let's not forget bedroom skills. And the power to grant me immortality by sucking my blood. If you're willing and able, then let's do it. Until then, well, tough luck. You have no right to control what I need to be sexually aroused.


El o El


----------



## JCD

PHTlump said:


> I think you're also misunderstanding the point at hand. Nobody is saying that men wait until their married sex life wanes to ever even look at porn for the first time. What they are saying is that it is common to wait until that time to begin viewing pornography regularly. There is a difference.


I don't use this often. For one, it smacks of disrespect, but frankly, this post absolutely deserves it

:lol:

So...it is your assertion that SINGLE, JOBLESS, DATELESS men with even basic computer skills don't regularly look at porn. A product which is basically free (anyone who can't find free porn of whatever fetish isn't trying hard). No...these men who are going without regular sex are WAITING to be dissatisfied with their wives FIRST before they start jerking off and consuming porn regularly.

REALLY?

Does this pass any sort of common sense test to you?

I think that it is far more likely that said headshrinker, using crappy methodology, is looking at his unhappily married client base who has been married since before the internet took off, are suddenly discovering porn as their wives lose interest in them, they get jaded, or they get divorced.

He is putting the cart before the horse.


----------



## ASummersDay

I've never told my husband he had to stop watching porn, so this post may be a bit OT. But my husband has expressed a LOT of interest in filming us having sex together. He says it's a major fantasy of his, and he would love to be able to watch it during his "alone time". 

So...I imagine some men may actually be OK with just watching their wife, or may even enjoy it. I wouldn't expect it to be the norm, though. And I wouldn't expect any man to respond positively to being told that it would be that way regardless of how he feels about it.


----------



## PHTlump

staarz21 said:


> I don't know very many women who do read romance novels or swoon over vampires or werewolves. I do have several young cousins in the 11 to 17 age range who probably cuddle pillows with their favorite vamp on the pillow case.
> 
> I'm just saying...the fantasy that most men * think* most women have is completely distorted.


50 Shades of Grey has sold 70 million copies. It is the fastest selling paperback book ever. Twilight books have sold 116 million copies. Twilight films have grossed $3.3 billion. In 2008, 25% of the American citizenry read at least one romance novel.

There are plenty of people out there, of all ages, who enjoy unrealistic romance and sexy fantasy.


----------



## PHTlump

JCD said:


> So...it is your assertion that SINGLE, JOBLESS, DATELESS men with even basic computer skills don't regularly look at porn.


Let me answer your question with a question. Are you saying that there is no difference between a man who has viewed pornography once in his entire life and a man who views pornography three times a week? REALLY? That seems like a nonsensical position to take.



> No...these men who are going without regular sex are WAITING to be dissatisfied with their wives FIRST before they start jerking off and consuming porn regularly.


You're assuming that single men go without regular sex? And you assume that pornography, for all, or most, men is an equivalent substitute for a flesh and blood experience? I think that's silly. I would much rather have sex with my wife than watch a two-dimensional representation of a woman have sex.

I think it's entirely reasonable that many men treat porn as an occasional change of pace until their main source of pleasure wanes. At that point, they turn to pornography more.


----------



## jealoushubby

People have such crazy harsh responses to the porn issue. In our relationship I have a higher sex drive than my wife so she is perfectly fine if I occasionally watch porn and masterbate if she is not in the mood. I would NEVER choose porn over the real thing but the real thing isn't always available. Also my wife has an open mind to porn and we actually watch it together as a form or foreplay sometimes. It's pretty hot when your innocent sweet wife occasionally gets turned on by hardcore porn. It's a fun "secret" for a husband and wife to share. Aren't there other wives like this??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## johnnycomelately

PHTlump said:


> I think you're also misunderstanding the point at hand. Nobody is saying that men wait until their married sex life wanes to ever even look at porn for the first time. What they are saying is that it is common to wait until that time to begin viewing pornography regularly. There is a difference.


If you had read the article it said that the average college age man questioned watched porn for forty minutes, three times a week. Sounds pretty regular to me.


----------



## PHTlump

johnnycomelately said:


> If you had read the article it said that the average college age man questioned watched porn for forty minutes, three times a week. Sounds pretty regular to me.


Again, the devil is in the details. It said the *average *man regularly watched porn. It did not say that *every *man regularly watched porn. There is a difference.


----------



## tulsy

Woodchuck said:


> What would your reaction be if your partner found porn on your computer, and* insisted that you should stop watching all porn, and if you felt the need to masturbate you could only do it to videos of the two of you* having sex????
> 
> the woodchuck


I don't tell women (or anyone) what they can and can't do with their bodies....I sure as hell won't be told by anyone what I'm allowed to do with mine.


----------



## johnnycomelately

PHTlump said:


> Again, the devil is in the details. It said the *average *man regularly watched porn. It did not say that *every *man regularly watched porn. There is a difference.


Right, where did I say every man watched porn?


----------



## Grayson

staarz21 said:


> Well I stand corrected then. I was under the impression that most people still engaged in healthy realistic fantasy (i.e. not vampires...those used to be scary not sexy). I also thought Twilight was supposed to be geared towards tweens and teens. I am actually kind of shocked that so many adult women would be turned on by that. Real life is getting pretty boring I suppose.


There's target audience, then there's actual audience. While the Twilight drek may have been targeted at teen/tween girls, it found a wider audience, for better or for worse. Same thing, basically, as Harry Potter...targeted at kids, but has a significant adult fan base.

I don't get the appeal of either, personally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Machiavelli

Woodchuck said:


> What would your reaction be if your partner found porn on your computer, and insisted that you should stop watching all porn, and if you felt the need to masturbate you could only do it to videos of the two of you having sex????
> 
> the woodchuck


I'd make a counter offer:

Tell her, "I'll completely quit masturbating, but your BJ count is getting ready to skyrocket."


----------



## RandomDude

The only time STBX got p-ssed at porn was when I was watching it while she was horny. She was quite understanding when it comes to this compared to alot of other women it seems.


----------



## JCD

PHTlump said:


> Let me answer your question with a question. Are you saying that there is no difference between a man who has viewed pornography once in his entire life and a man who views pornography three times a week? REALLY? That seems like a nonsensical position to take.


Of course there is a difference. But AVERAGE means MEDIAN. So that means half the men watch porn LESS than 3 times a week...and half of them watch MORE! HALF!

What exactly do you think is the number of men who have seen porn only *once *in their lives? I might know one. Do you think that attitude is MORE common or less common. 




> You are assuming that single men go without regular sex? And you assume that pornography, for all, or most, men is an equivalent substitute for a flesh and blood experience? I think that's silly. I would much rather have sex with my wife than watch a two-dimensional representation of a woman have sex.
> 
> I think it's entirely reasonable that many men treat porn as an occasional change of pace until their main source of pleasure wanes. At that point, they turn to pornography more.


Wow. Just...wow.

So, for the 5% of men who get laid regularly because they had Dirk Benedict good looks(dating myself), incredible wealth and/or game, bravo for them.

For the REST of us, we didn't always have a steady supplier of sex and frankly, she wasn't always a) available and b) in the mood. I know there were long dry spells in my single years. How about you? You always get laid as often as you wanted?

No, I don't think that masturbating to a 2D image of whomever is the same as real sex with a flesh and blood woman. Nor do I think that a Thanksgiving Turkey Dinner is the equivalent of a block of ramen.

But sometimes a guy's got to eat and he doesn't have the time, opportunity, or energy to stuff the turkey.  But he probably wishes he did.

Now, I agree that porn can be debilitating to normal relationships if one doesn't take care. And frankly, couples DO get jaded with one another. That is an entirely different subject. And used sparingly, it's no worse than a nice gooey couple slices of pizza or those $300 shoes which put a hole in the budget (what? You women think that you don't do things that are less than optimal to the family too?)

But I think your doctor is wrong. Studies show this. Anecdotes show this. Asking around with your friends will show this.


----------



## PHTlump

JCD said:


> Of course there is a difference. But AVERAGE means MEDIAN. So that means half the men watch porn LESS than 3 times a week...and half of them watch MORE! HALF!


You're wrong, but I admire your conviction. Average actually means arithmetic mean. That means that, if you have 3 men who never view pornography and 1 man who views 4 hours a week, each man views an average of 1 hour a week. That doesn't mean that they are all regular users. Median may be a more useful measure here, but I haven't seen it used.

Look, my entire involvement in this point was to refute silly people who thought that, because most men are exposed to porn at an early age, that must mean that those men become regular users of porn at an early age. It doesn't. Some men who are exposed to porn become regular users. Some don't. If you want to continue to argue the converse, I'll leave you to it.


----------



## richie33

Wife hates husband looking at porn. Wife spends 3 hours watching soap operas.


----------



## johnnycomelately

PHTlump said:


> You're wrong, but I admire your conviction. Average actually means arithmetic mean. That means that, if you have 3 men who never view pornography and 1 man who views 4 hours a week, each man views an average of 1 hour a week. That doesn't mean that they are all regular users. Median may be a more useful measure here, but I haven't seen it used.
> 
> Look, my entire involvement in this point was to refute silly people who thought that, because most men are exposed to porn at an early age, that must mean that those men become regular users of porn at an early age. It doesn't. Some men who are exposed to porn become regular users. Some don't. If you want to continue to argue the converse, I'll leave you to it.


Any evidence to support your rebuttal of the study shown? No-one is arguing that all men use porn. That is just a straw man.


----------



## PHTlump

johnnycomelately said:


> Any evidence to support your rebuttal of the study shown?


I wasn't really rebutting the study. I was just correcting the conclusions JCD drew based on his misunderstanding of the word "average."



> No-one is arguing that all men use porn. That is just a straw man.


I didn't write that you argued that. Bpguy wrote that a source of his believed that married men turned to porn to compensate for a decline in sex. Wiserforit disagreed, giving the statistic that over 90% of men had been exposed to porn before marriage, or at a young age. I was pointing out that the two statements can be consistent. A man can be exposed to porn without becoming a regular user. And a man can start using porn regularly after marital sex wanes. And some here are taking exception to my statements. But I honestly don't know why.


----------



## Kasler

My gf did. Its kinda an odd point. I don't do it too frequently, but every now and then I do, primarily because of boredom and sudden libido surges. 

Its hard to explain really, and I think its because its different for each person.


----------



## ocotillo

staarz21 said:


> (i.e. not vampires...those used to be scary not sexy).


Bram Stoker changed that in 1897 when he invented the Transylvanian Count.


----------



## HangingVine

Machiavelli said:


> I'd make a counter offer:
> 
> Tell her, "I'll completely quit masturbating, but your BJ count is getting ready to skyrocket."


I don't think she cared if he masturbated or not.Its was using porn was the objection .I think.


----------



## JCD

PHTlump said:


> You're wrong, but I admire your conviction. Average actually means arithmetic mean. That means that, if you have 3 men who never view pornography and 1 man who views 4 hours a week, each man views an average of 1 hour a week. That doesn't mean that they are all regular users. Median may be a more useful measure here, but I haven't seen it used.
> 
> Look, my entire involvement in this point was to refute silly people who thought that, because most men are exposed to porn at an early age, that must mean that those men become regular users of porn at an early age. It doesn't. Some men who are exposed to porn become regular users. Some don't. If you want to continue to argue the converse, I'll leave you to it.


Oops. I owe you an apology (sort of)

I am actually addressing a point raised by thatbpguy. His counselor stated that MOST men start to use porn when they are over 55 and married.

I call that ridiculous. As a lad, I recall dad's playboys quite well, as well as the odd Sears Catalog and National Geographic. Did I use it every day? No. Did I have ACCESS every day? No.

Would I have used it every day? Probably not. But I can tell you that however 'regular' my porn usage is, it certainly didn't wait for 55 and a sexually dissatisfied marriage. 

Now, do some men not use porn? Certainly. A few. As cited by that study, finding a young man who has had ZERO access to porn is not feasible, at least in America.

But your study is still incorrect for the reasons I mentioned. A demographic survey of people who visit a site (or even sites) is no reflection on the actual age of people using porn regularly...or their regularity of usage.


----------



## Michelleinmichigan

thatbpguy said:


> I'm going to disagree as most men do not start with the porn until well into their marriages. It is a symptom of many failed things in a man's life.


I'm not a man, but I have never known a man to suddenly start watching porn during his marriage. I have known of plenty of sex addicts, who's wives get the blame for their porn abuse, which usually started in childhood.

If it is something you have to hide, that is not a good sign. There is also the fact that sex for women, when there is rampant porn use, can be horrible.

Like many things in life, some people can drink every now and then. For others, it becomes a devastating disease that destroys not only the person, but entire families. Be careful, I have seen men lose their beautiful families because of this. The fact that they were able to deflect the blame, doesn't change the horrible loss.

The Stages of Pornography Addiction - Focus on the Family


----------



## JCD

Michelleinmichigan said:


> I'm not a man, but I have never known a man to suddenly start watching porn during his marriage. I have known of plenty of sex addicts, who's wives get the blame for their porn abuse, which usually started in childhood.
> 
> If it is something you have to hide, that is not a good sign. There is also the fact that sex for women, when there is rampant porn use, can be horrible.
> 
> Like many things in life, some people can drink every now and then. For others, it becomes a devastating disease that destroys not only the person, but entire families. Be careful, I have seen men lose their beautiful families because of this. The fact that they were able to deflect the blame, doesn't change the horrible loss.
> 
> The Stages of Pornography Addiction - Focus on the Family


I absolutely agree with you. If you want an example of this, check out Annie Ash's thread. This is a flagrant example of a man who brought his family to the edge by his constant visceral porn use.

AND (I don't use the word 'but' anymore  )

There is also the case where ANY porn use is far too much on the part of the woman. To further your alcohol analogy, picture a man who drinks a beer or two a couple times a week.

Now picture a wife who is a teetotaler (why isn't relevant. She is allowed to have her feelings just like anyone else) but any time he drinks, she turns the thermostat down to subzero. It stresses her, it stresses him and it stresses the kids.

So the question arises (as it is on so many issues) what is the real problem: his drinking or her (over)reaction? This can go to fishing, sports, lack of church commitment...and porn.

So the obvious (female) rebuttal is: why doesn't he just quit (whatever) which makes me so darned unhappy.

That is a fair question. Does he get the exact same power? Can he say (just as an example) "hey babe! Your religious zeal...it's fine but you need to dial back the fire and brimstone. I like my life as is."

Is he also allowed to determine what is permissible in a marriage?


----------



## RClawson

My wife found me watching porn and handled it like a mature adult wanted to know why and what it meant. We had a great conversation and I really cut back to not much at all ever. I found her fetish porn on her history and about passed out in disbelief. I have not said a word but I have incorporate a bunch of naughty stuff into our sex life and it has been quite rewarding.


----------



## JCD

RClawson said:


> My wife found me watching porn and handled it like a mature adult wanted to know why and what it meant. We had a great conversation and I really cut back to not much at all ever. I found her fetish porn on her history and about passed out in disbelief. I have not said a word but I have incorporate a bunch of naughty stuff into our sex life and it has been quite rewarding.


So, I'm getting ready to respond to this, and I realize it's tailor made to make me go off the deep end. This makes me question your motives.

So I will only nibble at the bait. If you think that is an honest mature conversation and handling of porn use, I got a bridge to sell you.


----------



## Logitex

Woodchuck said:


> What would your reaction be if your partner found porn on your computer, and insisted that you should stop watching all porn, and if you felt the need to masturbate you could only do it to videos of the two of you having sex????
> 
> the woodchuck



fine by me.. We have recorded sessions before and honestly my wife is my favorite porn star. I love making the movies with movie editing software. I showed them to her once.. she was floored

Her exact statement she said inbetween blushing HEAVILY with her hand over her mouth was. 

"Oh my god, that looks REAL!. That makes me look really good too. Wow how much did you edit that?" 

so.. yea now the deal would be I am going to need new material and since this is going to be my only outlet I am buying a HD camcorder and some studio lights. 


Id give up porn 100% for our own "brand" 

as a little follow up. My wife doesnt mind me masturbating, looking at porn OR going to strip clubs. (I never go because honestly that doesnt do ANYTHING for me. I cant believe the phoniness of it. ) 
:smthumbup:


----------



## Michelleinmichigan

Logitex said:


> fine by me.. We have recorded sessions before and honestly my wife is my favorite porn star. I love making the movies with movie editing software. I showed them to her once.. she was floored
> 
> Her exact statement she said inbetween blushing HEAVILY with her hand over her mouth was.
> 
> "Oh my god, that looks REAL!. That makes me look really good too. Wow how much did you edit that?"
> 
> so.. yea now the deal would be I am going to need new material and since this is going to be my only outlet I am buying a HD camcorder and some studio lights.
> 
> 
> Id give up porn 100% for our own "brand"
> 
> as a little follow up. My wife doesnt mind me masturbating, looking at porn OR going to strip clubs. (I never go because honestly that doesnt do ANYTHING for me. I cant believe the phoniness of it. )
> :smthumbup:


Will you enjoy recording your wife with another man? It's a matter of time before you go there. To each his own. I just don't understand why men are so hurt and surprised afterwards.

If you don't mind fulfilling her needs, who cares. As long as you aren't exposing innocent babies minds to that potential disease, behave like monkeys if that's what you both agree to.


----------



## JCD

When I was a child, my step mom found a Sports Illustrated Swim Suit magazine in my closet. Not Playboy. Not Hustler. Nothing hardcore.

It was when the girls still wore bathing suits as well instead of the absolute nothing they wear today. She and my dad had a HUGE blowout...and God bless him, he took a measured and understanding stance: that this was normal for a kid my age. Maybe not right, but not something that merited Armageddon. 

She didn't see it that way. She moved out. She sat in a dark house, not talking to ANYONE for FOUR DAYS. She acted in all ways as if she was willing to divorce over this..simply because she didn't get her stupid overreactive way and was allowed to make my life a merry hell. Instead, she made ALL our lives merry hell.

So, yeah. I get porn addiction. But I've also seen some extreme intolerance the other way too.


----------



## Created2Write

My husband and I agreed before we married that porn wouldn't be tolerated in our marriage by either or us, so perhaps our situation doesn't really apply. Firstly, if he started using porn I wouldn't give him an ultimatum unless he outright refused to reconsider his usage. He and I have made videos of ourselves before and, despite what some male posters here have implied and said, I wasn't laying back and thinking of England...it wasn't only the missionary position...or with the lights off. 

I enjoy sex _very_ much. I have a strong drive. I masturbate. I like stripping for my husband. When we have a house I intend to install a pole and take pole dancing lessons. I like different positions(haven't found one I don't like), I like giving and receiving oral. I like lingerie, I like roleplay. I'm not open to anal or threesomes or orgies, but, frankly, I don't think those things should be desired or fantasized about. 

I won't stay in a marriage where a man puts his own sexual desires above those of his wife, especially when she isn't a prude. But, those are my boundaries. I am lucky in that my husband and I agreed before marriage about what was acceptable and what was not in regards to sex and porn. I am very thankful for that, and he is thankful for having a wife who doesn't require total exclusivity without also desiring a very healthy and satisfying sex life.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Michelleinmichigan....Can you explain what you meant in your post # 91? Are you saying that if a man and wife make porn together, the next thing you know BAM that woman is out making porn with another man? I'm so confused by that comment I can't even comment.


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## Faithful Wife

Here's our policy on porn and masturbation...I wrote a blog post about it.

I Married a Sex God: 21. Healthy, Happy Porn and Masturbation

(not that anyone asked...but I'm proud of and happy with our policy and we both still get to have porn when we want it...also, I hope you like the T-rex picture, it cracked me up so I had to include it).


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## girlsaveyoursoul

The only time I get upset about my husband watching porn is if I am upstairs ready and willing and already horny, but he watches before coming up to bed because he is unaware that I'm wanting to jump his bones. Then, since he already blew his load, he's no longer interested ....then I feel rejected and hurt. 

We also occasionally watch porn together and I have watched it on my own as well. I think if he *hid* it from me I'd be a bit upset, because I like to try and be open and understanding to everything without secrets in our marriage.


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## ScarletBegonias

If I found porn and it was his there would be some serious discussions about it bc he banned me from looking at naughty tumblr pics and porn pics.
He'd be a hypocrite and therefore would have some serious 'splaining to do!!


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## Wiserforit

always_alone said:


> I get your point. Can i assume then that you would have nothing to say if I were to post the following:
> 
> Sure. I'd be happy to put down my novel and vibrator, and focus on my man. But just know that I shop for fantasy like men shop for electronics. I want quality, brand name and highest fidelity. That means billionaire, baby, along with tall, dark and handsome. You think your paltry salary is enough to get me going? Pfffft. And let's not forget bedroom skills. And the power to grant me immortality by sucking my blood. If you're willing and able, then let's do it. Until then, well, tough luck. You have no right to control what I need to be sexually aroused.


Poster child for insecurity and projection. 

My wife brings me pics she finds and says "how about this one?" And she is never wrong. 

THAT is the wife who is irreplacable. Not any of the girls who she brings to my attention for a fleeting moment of horny.


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## always_alone

Wiserforit said:


> Poster child for insecurity and projection.
> 
> My wife brings me pics she finds and says "how about this one?" And she is never wrong.
> 
> THAT is the wife who is irreplacable. Not any of the girls who she brings to my attention for a fleeting moment of horny.


Hey, if my man would brings me lots of pix and video of super hot dudes to drool over, I'd call him irreplaceable too. Especially if he knew exactly what I liked and aimed to please!


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## JCD

Created2Write said:


> My husband and I agreed before we married that porn wouldn't be tolerated in our marriage by either or us, so perhaps our situation doesn't really apply. Firstly, if he started using porn I wouldn't give him an ultimatum unless he outright refused to reconsider his usage. He and I have made videos of ourselves before and, despite what some male posters here have implied and said, I wasn't laying back and thinking of England...it wasn't only the missionary position...or with the lights off.
> 
> I enjoy sex _very_ much. I have a strong drive. I masturbate. I like stripping for my husband. When we have a house I intend to install a pole and take pole dancing lessons. I like different positions(haven't found one I don't like), I like giving and receiving oral. I like lingerie, I like roleplay. I'm not open to anal or threesomes or orgies, but, frankly, I don't think those things should be desired or fantasized about.
> 
> I won't stay in a marriage where a man puts his own sexual desires above those of his wife, especially when she isn't a prude. But, those are my boundaries. I am lucky in that my husband and I agreed before marriage about what was acceptable and what was not in regards to sex and porn. I am very thankful for that, and he is thankful for having a wife who doesn't require total exclusivity without also desiring a very healthy and satisfying sex life.


And that works because a) you discussed this well in advance (some men find out their wives views WAY after the marriage has been consummated, b) you are more than willing to meet him halfway (or further!  ) and c) you share your faith.

Some men get ambushed in finding out the wife's views post marriage. Some men get their contract voided (i.e. wife cuts off husband but allows no other source of relief...cause that's CHEATING...not like she's cheating him out of a sex life. Monopoly of service also _obligates_) Some couples don't agree. Some couples change.

And some men just can't be satisfied by anything.


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## Kobo

To All the ladies whose men don't watch porn. Don't come home early from your mani/pedi.


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## Created2Write

JCD said:


> And that works because a) you discussed this well in advance (some men find out their wives views WAY after the marriage has been consummated, b) you are more than willing to meet him halfway (or further!  ) and c) you share your faith.


I agree completely. I've been very lucky that this, at least, is one issue we haven't had much of. 



> Some men get ambushed in finding out the wife's views post marriage.


Some women get this too, though...they were honest about their views, the man agreed, and then after marriage the truth comes out. 



> Some men get their contract voided (i.e. wife cuts off husband but allows no other source of relief...cause that's CHEATING...not like she's cheating him out of a sex life. Monopoly of service also _obligates_) Some couples don't agree. Some couples change.
> 
> And some men just can't be satisfied by anything.


It's a difficult situation, to be sure. I can understand how it would be offensive and uncomfortable to have a spouse demand that you stop doing xyz with your own body, and I can understand the anger and resentment from that, especially if the wife doesn't take her husband's sexual needs seriously. I haven't experienced that, but I can say that the reactions and feelings make sense to me. But I also understand the very strong desire for exclusivity, and the pain that can come from even a couple one-time situations where a husband views porn...and the feeling of total inadequacy that comes with it. I was very deeply hurt by my husband looking at inappropriate pictures online once, especially since he constantly told me about how satisfying I was sexually and I really felt within myself a sense of pride in how...versatile I was. He felt horrible for it, said that none of the pictures he looked at could compare with me...but if that was true, why did he look? 

So, I see both sides of the coin here. Ideally, husband and wife would agree on the issue and there wouldn't be so much struggle over it.


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## Created2Write

Kobo said:


> To All the ladies whose men don't watch porn. Don't come home early from your mani/pedi.


I figured this would come up at some point. It always does.


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## Faithful Wife

And some men might be surprised at what their wives are watching while they are away.

There are sneaky people of both genders.


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## Kobo

Created2Write said:


> I figured this would come up at some point. It always does.




Just text before you go home


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## Grayson

girlsaveyoursoul said:


> The only time I get upset about my husband watching porn is if I am upstairs ready and willing and already horny, but he watches before coming up to bed *because he is unaware that I'm wanting to jump his bones.* Then, since he already blew his load, he's no longer interested ....then I feel rejected and hurt.
> 
> We also occasionally watch porn together and I have watched it on my own as well. I think if he *hid* it from me I'd be a bit upset, because I like to try and be open and understanding to everything without secrets in our marriage.


While I admire your overall attitude on the subject, the bolded portion has me scratching my head. If I'm understanding correctly, you get upset at him for taking care if himself when he's _unaware_ that you're ready, willing and able to go at it like teenagers? So, the only thing he did wrong was not know you were in the mood?

If I might draw a crude comparison, that would be a bit like my wife not communicating our dinner plans, then getting upset at me when I have that same thing for lunch, and don't really want it for dinner, too. Naturally, if I've misunderstood, please feel free to let me know. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Created2Write

Kobo said:


> Just text before you go home


Oh I do. I let him know I'm coming home and I expect to find him in bed, naked, where I expect to get a good pounding.


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## Kobo

Created2Write said:


> Oh I do. I let him know I'm coming home and I expect to find him in bed, naked, where I expect to get a good pounding.


Sweet. gives him time to clean up the baby oil.


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## Created2Write

Kobo said:


> Sweet. gives him time to clean up the baby oil.


Nope.


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## TiggyBlue

Kobo said:


> Sweet. gives him time to clean up the baby oil.


Or smear baby oil all over his pecs and abs


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## Woodchuck

HangingVine said:


> So you would be happy watching your wife in a DP situation?And "blow banging"?With other men's cum on her face and in her mouth?Her in 3 somes?What if she put her "big girl panties on" and did all that with strange men.And on film for you?would you then give up your porn?I mean porn that didn't include your wife?
> 
> You would be "satisfied" if your wife had 3 somes on film?If she wore a wig and spray painted her skin while other men came in her face?


Oh yes how foolish of me, that is an exact corollary to a man watching porn...On planet Femboss...

the woodchuck


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## Woodchuck

Faithful Wife said:


> Michelleinmichigan....Can you explain what you meant in your post # 91? Are you saying that if a man and wife make porn together, the next thing you know BAM that woman is out making porn with another man? I'm so confused by that comment I can't even comment.


It is an argument against porn, it dosen't have to make sense...

the woodchuck


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## Kobo

Created2Write said:


> Nope.


Oh he's a Jergens man.


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## Created2Write

As difficult as it may be for some to grasp, I believe my husband when he says he doesn't watch porn. And those who imply that husband's like mine are just lying, I think you have a very narrow minded view of your own gender. Regardless, I choose to believe my husband. It's not like you know him anyway.


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## pinotnoir

Then I guess I wouldn't masturbate, because we don't have sex.


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## JCD

Created2Write said:


> As difficult as it may be for some to grasp, I believe my husband when he says he doesn't watch porn. And those who imply that husband's like mine are just lying, I think you have a very narrow minded view of your own gender. Regardless, I choose to believe my husband. It's not like you know him anyway.


I believe him too. Real sex beats masturbation by a long mile. 

Now...let me ask you a question. You are a Christian woman who also regularly interacts with other Christian women behind closed doors. Discussions are had...

Do you find some (not all, but SOME) of the Church ladies have one of the following attitudes re sex?

1) I am trying to keep control of sex by rationing his access

2) I won't allow certain things that he might enjoy because I don't want to open that floodgate of kinky stuff.

3) I am a dignified wife and mother, not a ***** to be use in X manner.

4) I treat sex as a tool to control him or get my way. So he better listen if he knows what's good for him.

5) Occasionally I'll throw him X sex act as a cookie if he's a good boy and pleases me.

It may not be as blatant as these statements, but you understand that attitude.

While you may not do it, there is a certain overlap between trying to control porn and also using sex as a manipulative tool against one's spouse.

This leads to a bad dynamic as a couple tries to one up themselves.


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## Kobo

Created2Write said:


> As difficult as it may be for some to grasp, I believe my husband when he says he doesn't watch porn. And those who imply that husband's like mine are just lying, I think you have a very narrow minded view of your own gender. Regardless, I choose to believe my husband. It's not like you know him anyway.


I fully support you believing your husband over me.


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## eyuop

Created2Write said:


> My husband and I agreed before we married that porn wouldn't be tolerated in our marriage by either or us, so perhaps our situation doesn't really apply. Firstly, if he started using porn I wouldn't give him an ultimatum unless he outright refused to reconsider his usage. He and I have made videos of ourselves before and, despite what some male posters here have implied and said, I wasn't laying back and thinking of England...it wasn't only the missionary position...or with the lights off.
> 
> I enjoy sex _very_ much. I have a strong drive. I masturbate. I like stripping for my husband. When we have a house I intend to install a pole and take pole dancing lessons. I like different positions(haven't found one I don't like), I like giving and receiving oral. I like lingerie, I like roleplay. I'm not open to anal or threesomes or orgies, but, frankly, I don't think those things should be desired or fantasized about.
> 
> I won't stay in a marriage where a man puts his own sexual desires above those of his wife, especially when she isn't a prude. But, those are my boundaries. I am lucky in that my husband and I agreed before marriage about what was acceptable and what was not in regards to sex and porn. I am very thankful for that, and he is thankful for having a wife who doesn't require total exclusivity without also desiring a very healthy and satisfying sex life.


He has his own fantasy life. I'll just say that as a man. Good thing you don't control what others desire or fantasizes about simply because you don't desire those things. I've known a lot of women who think their husband isn't watching porn but they actually are behind their backs. These husbands know that they "promised they wouldn't", but they just keep it a secret because they know it could be a deal breaker. Just because a husband agreed to something before marriage doesn't mean he his keeping his agreement. 

I've stayed in a marriage where my lower drive wife puts her own sexual non-desires above my sexual desires. Porn has been my supplement to said scenario, while she gets all of the sex she ever wants.


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## eyuop

Created2Write said:


> As difficult as it may be for some to grasp, I believe my husband when he says he doesn't watch porn. And those who imply that husband's like mine are just lying, I think you have a very narrow minded view of your own gender. Regardless, I choose to believe my husband. It's not like you know him anyway.


You sound very judgmental toward those who might choose to disagree with you. Calling people narrow-minded for having an opinion other than yours is judgmental by anyone's standard. Saying that others shouldn't fantasize about certain things because they are distasteful to you is also judgmental. Saying that others find certain things difficult to grasp is also quite patronizing.

I hope for your sake your husband is telling you the truth, because he would have hell to pay if he wasn't, and he knows this all too well.


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## larry.gray

Created2Write said:


> As difficult as it may be for some to grasp, I believe my husband when he says he doesn't watch porn. And those who imply that husband's like mine are just lying, I think you have a very narrow minded view of your own gender. Regardless, I choose to believe my husband. It's not like you know him anyway.


Yeah, I believe it, because I was that way for quite a while.

Just as long as you don't let your sex drive disappear once you become a mommy, because I can tell you that changed me into a regular user for a while.


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## TiggyBlue

eyuop said:


> You sound very judgmental toward those who might choose to disagree with you. Calling people narrow-minded for having an opinion other than yours is judgmental by anyone's standard. Saying that others shouldn't fantasize about certain things because they are distasteful to you is also judgmental. Saying that others find certain things difficult to grasp is also quite patronizing.
> 
> I hope for your sake your husband is telling you the truth, because he would have hell to pay if he wasn't, and he knows this all too well.


I think it's more of she's defensive people are implying her husband (who no one here has met) is a liar multiple times, hence the 'As difficult as it may be for some to grasp'.


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## Michelleinmichigan

Faithful Wife said:


> Michelleinmichigan....Can you explain what you meant in your post # 91? Are you saying that if a man and wife make porn together, the next thing you know BAM that woman is out making porn with another man? I'm so confused by that comment I can't even comment.


I'm saying that I have seen too many examples of men who are able to convince their partners to share their sexual appetites, and the wives without exception eventually CHEAT, or they feel disgusted and loathe the partner that made them feel that way. Then the men wonder what happened. Rationalize all you want, actions have consequences. Always and without exception.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf

I would tell my wife to get ready for the best eleven seconds of my life.


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