# Social Networking & Divorce



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Several links under the posted. It's been discussed here before and from personal experience I tend to agree that marriages in trouble already have a much higher risk of outside forces from the Internet. While not on Facebook, my wife's EA started on the net with someone she'd never met. And yes, the marriage was already in pretty deep poo. It was very much a symptom of the problems.

Search: Facebook divorces - Facebook divorces - 1


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## NightEagle1981 (Feb 18, 2011)

Facebook is drama central. I think it's a place where things can get out of control. I myself have a fb account and so does my wife. It's caused nothing but problems with our marriage and I wish they would get rid of it. Ugh


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

My dh and I loathe facebook and avoid it at all costs. I do have a page (he doesn't) but I only have ONE girl "friend" and she's the only reason I have it. She moved away and it's her preferred method of communication. I have a fake name, made myself male and everything is super private. Not that it matters I haven't looked at it in months. She now calls or e-mails. LOL!!


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

If you consider photo sharing sites social, then here's one. My husband was on a photo sharing site(not Flickr, but similar). I was looking through the site about 6 weeks ago, because his former EA is on there, and just out of a hunch, I typed in his name and voila..He says he did it because he was angry with me for things that I did(???). I saw a picture of him naked in bed, I saw a lot of comments he made on naked pictures of his female contacts. He said it was nothing, that it was just virtual. I myself am an amateur photographer, and I asked why he never said those things about my photos...he said he does praise me...but not like that. Any thoughts?


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

It's not the CAUSE of marriage problems, but can definitely be a contributing factor for a marriage that is having issues.

I'm not a huge facebook fan, even though I have a page and I really don't understand the draw and why people spend so much time on it.

My husband doesn't do social networking such as facebook, myspace - heck, he doesn't even text.

So while we have other issues, facebook hasn't been one and I don't expect it to be.

When do people find time to spend so much time on the internet anyway?

I work a 40+ hour week, have driving time, household chores, shopping, bill paying, etc.

I don't have time to spend all my time on the internet, let alone facebook. In fact, I haven't even posted an update on my page in two months.

Apparently some people have TOO much time on their hands - and that always gets them in trouble.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Add me to the facebook divorce. It's happening soon. 

Our marriage wasn't in trouble, but my H has some weird obsession with his youth. Like a nostalgia malfunction, where he wants to escape daily life and the responsibilities that come with it. Enter an ex gf and we have problems. He refuses to delete her after I catch him talking to her on the phone in the middle of the night for 2 hours, and things escalate from there. Now I have everything but proof that they are in a relationship, even though she lives 2500 miles away. It's been enough to pull him away from me. And he went out there in January, and I know he saw her even though he says he hasn't. 

He is weak, and she preyed on him. He stays up late after we are in bed, and nothing good happens at that time. It is him ultimately to blame for what he's done, but facebook happened to be his temptation, and connection to his past. Which should have been left behind long ago.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

That's why me and the wife have a rule of NO Ex's on Facebook. You'd be surprised how much drama you avoid by doing that. I don't need to chat it up with the ex from college who could squirt, and she doesn't need to be able to reach out to the dude who took her virginity and used to beat it up. I've brought this up to to other friends, their position was that my decision was too drastic, in other words... that didn't have problems with keeing ex's as friends on FB.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Rob774 said:


> That's why me and the wife have a rule of NO Ex's on Facebook. You'd be surprised how much drama you avoid by doing that. I don't need to chat it up with the ex from college who could squirt, and she doesn't need to be able to reach out to the dude who took her virginity and used to beat it up. I've brought this up to to other friends, their position was that my decision was too drastic, in other words... that didn't have problems with keeing ex's as friends on FB.


Way back in November/December when I discovered my H chatting it up with his high school sweetheart for two hours in the middle of the night and found that he had lied to me about it, I found this site through a web search where your post came up, Rob. I shared a lot of your very intelligent insight with my H, but to no avail. Now, here we are, 5 months later, separated and well on our way to divorce because it definitely looks like there's more to their long distance "friendship" than it appears. Why oh why didn't I stand my ground when they first became friends?!


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

LonelyNLost said:


> Way back in November/December when I discovered my H chatting it up with his high school sweetheart for two hours in the middle of the night and found that he had lied to me about it, I found this site through a web search where your post came up, Rob. I shared a lot of your very intelligent insight with my H, but to no avail. Now, here we are, 5 months later, separated and well on our way to divorce because it definitely looks like there's more to their long distance "friendship" than it appears. Why oh why didn't I stand my ground when they first became friends?!


Because you had no way of knowing it would turn out this way. No one does. I'm glad my advice made sense to you, to others... i am literally mocked. But they don't get it, all they say is, "FB's a tool, FB's a tool." Well its a very powerful tool that has literally destroyed thousands of marriages in this country. We just can't have that temptation be that close to us. 

When all party's are sane, opposite sexes can chat it up on FB. But when one party has an agenda, and the other one is struggling with weakness... recipe for disaster. Look at it this way, FB exposed your husband's weakness sooner in your life... than later.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Rob774 said:


> Because you had no way of knowing it would turn out this way. No one does. I'm glad my advice made sense to you, to others... i am literally mocked. But they don't get it, all they say is, "FB's a tool, FB's a tool." Well its a very powerful tool that has literally destroyed thousands of marriages in this country. We just can't have that temptation be that close to us.
> 
> When all party's are sane, opposite sexes can chat it up on FB. But when one party has an agenda, and the other one is struggling with weakness... recipe for disaster. Look at it this way, FB exposed your husband's weakness sooner in your life... than later.


Well, I have to say that 4 years ago, my H chatted it up with a female coworker on MySpace and I discovered what turned into at least an EA by hacking into his account and checking the trash bin for the sexual messages. So, weakness had already been identified. Deleted MySpace, we recovered, or so I thought. He's had facebook for a few years, but not many friends. This one just raised a red flag to me because of how she was posting on there. I didn't like it one bit. And he was ready with the excuses, "She lives 2500 miles away, she's married, we were kids when we dated, etc." Well, she filed for divorce from her H in January, and my marriage went downhill as soon as I discovered him talking to her. And he made a trip out to where she lives in January to see his best friend, but he hadn't been there in 6 years. A lot of coincidences, but no proof. I think this is the whole "scorched earth" theory for him. It really sucks. 

I have an ex, actually the guy I lost my virginity to, on facebook. But we don't talk and I'm also friends with his wife. No concern there, but then again I don't have that weakness. My H has that weakness, and he also has this nostalgia malfunction with high school. And that ex girlfriend had an agenda!


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## sdcott (Oct 9, 2012)

I agree totally that FB and other SN sites are a breeding ground for exploitation of any weakness a relationship may have. I have experienced the pain of discovering my husband had become involved with an ex girlfriend via FB. He explained it was like a fantasy while on FB but when she moved from MO to CO to be near him it became real and then after a few weeks he was not impressed with the reality of his fantasy. We obviously had issues ( we never saw eachother due to work schedules except several days a month if we were lucky) and he had plenty of time to talk and text once they started contacting each other. She was getting a divorce and decided he should be her husband as they had dated back in 1986 for a few weeks. March 20,2012 at 9:29 pm was my email from her letting me know of their affair. This has been a year of more pain than I have ever experienced in my life. I have survived abuse as a teen and date rape and never have I ever experienced pain like my husbands affair. As I told him, after those other events I could take a shower. There is no taking a shower to wash the pain of being betrayed by your husband. 
We are committed to working together to improve our marriage and we are doing well considering the challenges in addition to the affair this past 12 mos.(moving, new job, major life changes for me as most everything that was "normal" in my life is gone) My naive complete trust in my husband has altered to a new reality of knowing what he is capable of if he choses. He swears it will never happen again and that he hates what he did and how he hurt me. He shows extreme remorse but it is mixed with anger and shame that makes our talking difficult sometimes because he hates having to deal with it. It is nearly one year since and he does not understand how some things can still bother me so much. Did I mention he allowed 2 of their nights to be in our bed because I was out of town for work. He says she insisted because the motel was expensive and it made sense so he folded and stayed at the house. She wanted to be at our home so she could use that as a tool to destroy us, and she did her best to exploit that fact during her outing him. That is really hard for me. He says he never quit loving me but felt that he was no longer my priority and I was always gone with work. He felt neglected and the piece of #$#$#$# OW had plenty of time for him. 
I used to use FB only occassionaly, and my husband closed his FB account as have I. I have the PW's in case I ever want to look. Since I never knew her I have looked at her FB to make sure where she is and since she is engaged to some poor other man now I hope she is done trying to destroy our life.
Social networking is a place that is very dangerous that people have little respect for its ability to wreak havoc in lives and make things possible that lead people down very slippery slopes. I avoid it at this point and don't use it even for my business. I will stick to traditional marketing and good old fashioned effort because I feel as if I betray myself being on FB for any reason.


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## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

Wow sd, sorry to hear of your pain.

My wife started up a fb account about 6 months ago... 6 months into her MLC. She contacts my sister, one GF and her coworkers. She has no ex-bf's, because I was her first. I sure hope she doesn't get into another relationship through this. But if she wants to, there's really no way I can stop her.

I signed up for fb just to see some pics a fitness instructor posted of me on his site. I never found the pics, or properly set up my page. (just kept hitting "next") Now I get emails about contacts, but haven't ever looked, or logged on. Don't know if I ever will.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

My H and I share our page. It doesn't have either of our first names...but a play of words including our surname and location. Everyone on our 'friends' list is people we approached for friendship...namely friends of the family and family.

Everything about our Facebook connection is 100% both of us. No secrets.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I've posted this before but I call Facebook "the great marriage killer". My marriage wasn't a great one but I was dealing with it. The stbxw started an FB account and in no time she had an army of male "friends". Pretty fast after that she had an EA which became a PA. She was on probation after that but still couldn't help but start a new EA with another FB "friend". Now I'm not saying my stbxw isn't a piece of work but SN sites have just made it so much easier for all the human waste to connect.


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## Ellen Steve (Jan 23, 2013)

I agree with amr, affairs existed even before facebook. The point is not Facebook, it’s tha fact that anything done beyond limit or out of context will lead to ruin. Definitely facebook can “aid” in all of this if you give it a chance. Me and my husband have fb accounts but only add people that we know well. No ex’s at all. We both each other’s passwords (although we maintain privacy) and have no secrets. If you feel fb is becoming a problem for your marriage…then delete your account. Don’t think twice about it. NOTHING and no one is more important that your marriage.
Save My Marriage


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## WillPrez (Dec 8, 2012)

There's no doubt social media enables affect our real-world relationships, but it can better for our relationship if we manage it sensible. we must be believe with other.


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