# Communication problem in marraige



## Africa (Jun 16, 2010)

I am married since 4 years. 

He is basically very emotional, expressive, and intense person. Talkative. I am emotional, intense and less talkative than him. 

First year was good, I took time to give myself 100% into this relation, say around 6 months after which everything was great between me and him. 

Now things have changed a lot, to an extent that I dont feel not living with him.

First year was great as he was expressive, will involve me into everything he does, his family, movies, he would regularly ask me my needs, money, my day, emotions and all. He used to express himself a lot and lot, I felt like all his and he was dedicated towards this relation. The way he used to spend time with family, care for his parents, brother was amazing. He would explain them to eternity to make things happen.
I was the one here who used to keep quite and express less, he forced me to be open and later I started doing the same, 
I did everything that could have made him and his family happy.
Changed my lifestyle 360 degree, gave away my career. 

But as time passed and life posed challenges to us, things have changed. He never inform me on anything, he would take decision on my behalf and still not keep me in loop. 
Few things which like basic communication between 2, which is must, does not seem to be important to him. Once even his younger brother and would be sister in law counseled him, but he was good for a weeks time and then back to square one. 

He does not want to confront situation/ talk/ realities of life with me. With everyone else he is just too fine, make them understand that life is all about communication, where in at home and that too with me only this protocol is not imp. 

I have shared with him many times that I feel hurt, if we could really include me into his life will be great. But then nothing changed.

Then came chapter of our extension of our family. Just after 5 months of our marriage we have been trying. It came as news we both have challenge, but his problem is serious. He was quite, I told this is something we need to discuss, nothing happened.When it came to going to the doctor and medicines, nothing happened, I was the one going alone, inquiring about things. He never spoke about it. Never, I have has sent several signal that it is important for us to speak the matter out, I want and if he does not want the same, he need to tell me, I am ready to be his way, I am ready to wait. But then nothing happened, I never got any response from him.

I now see that for whatever has come to our lives as couple things that we both were suppose to deal with, I am alone burning my life and spirits. He is missing. 

Its been 3 years now that I have continuously trying to make things good, understand what he wants...and all that.
I thought may be he is non communicative, I need to understand from his actions. I started doing that, but even there is evident, he does not have anything for me, our life, my need ( which as man he is suppose to take care of) 

He is a very warm caring communicative friend for all others. Excpet me. 

This is killing me, all my dreams of a simple marriage seems to have gone in vain. I constantly feel insecure, no future, incomplete, cheated. 

Into depression since 5 months and everyone has noticed, asked me why am I so dull these days. His parents too have now understood that things are not fine between us. Everyone can now see hopelessness in my eyes except him.....

What do I do now?


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I suspect he has turned from you out of shame b/c he cannot father a child, or cannot do so easily. You have, perhaps, become to him a "symbol" of the failure of his "manhood." 

Infertility is very hard to accept, because it cuts to the core of what we think it is to be a man or a woman. A man can father a child. A woman can bear and deliver a child. Yet these are the LEAST important parts of parenting--most people do not see that at first. To "father" a child is SO much more than just planting the seed. To "mother" a child is so much more than just pushing the baby out in birth! 

Maybe you can talk to him about how he has changed and what YOU think he feels. Maybe I am wrong--but maybe not. Even if at first he does not admit to feeling shame about not being able to make a baby, maybe he will think about it and come to you to talk. It is worth a try.

I'm so sorry you are so sad. It is not "right" or "fair," but we are all imperfect people. If you can find it in your heart to help him through this, great. If he will not let you, maybe you will have to leave.

Good luck and God bless.


----------



## Africa (Jun 16, 2010)

Thank you so much Sister.......He does not want to talk!
He does not find it necessary to do this. I am quite sure if he would have agreed to talk we would have look towards some solutions, but now after expressing myself very clearly, multiple times, different ways. First by myself, then through his parents and all that, but nothing made it move. 

He is simply running away from his responsibilities, and this is not helping. All this had ruined my life. 

If I leave him, I know for sure that I may even have to leave my parents. 

But thanks for your comforting words.

I hope one day life also loves me the way I love my life.


----------

