# Should I contact OM's Wife



## klab0001 (Dec 17, 2010)

On Sept. 24th I discovered that my wife was having a physical affair that had been going on for 5 weeks. My story is similar to what I have read on this forum. I was not a great husband and my wife became very lonely. Nevertheless her affair is not justified. My wife agreed to end all communication and we began the process of rebuilding. About a month later I discovered that they were emailing, my wife said it was just closure. She emailed him a "it's over email, don't contact me" email and CC'd me on it. We then deleted her email account and changed her cell number. She has commited to transperency and we are going through counseling together. My question is ...should I contact the OM's wife and let her know what was going on? Others on this site say the OM's spouse should be contacted to help stop the potential for the affair to continue .. but I am confident that it is over. Part of me wants to be vindictive and destroy his life like mine was ... and part of me wants to tell her because she deserves to know. But is it none of my business and I should stay out of it??


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I would hold that card, for some reason down the road you find your W reconnecting with OM, then I would confront OM's wife.

But if this issue was discussed and a month later there was contact, then booundries were crossed, and promisises were broken. then I would confront Om's wife.

So, YOU FOUND OUT a month later that she contacted OM.... I'd tell. Plus I'd want to know.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Well, at this point I would say it is vindictive to contact the OM's wife. You are truly blessed to be putting your marriage back together. Some of us never got that chance--to be a family again. Focus on restoring your marriage. Look to the future as a couple and let the past go.

Do you know the OM? Does he and your wife work together? If your wife should break the no contact rule, then I would definitely let the OM's wife know. Also, if the OM makes a habit of seeing other women, then you may want to anonymously let his wife know. Otherwise, it's best to drop this matter. 

Good luck to you and your wife.


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## klab0001 (Dec 17, 2010)

827Aug, thanks for your input. I am leaning towards not contacting the OM's Wife but I suspect that this is not his first affair. I do not know the OM, however it is the brother of one of my W's co-workers. He contacted her over Facebook after browsing his sister's FB page. To be that bold and contact someone over FB it sounds to me like he has experience.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

klab0001 said:


> To be that bold and contact someone over FB it sounds to me like he has experience.


I agree there. I think I would send the OM's wife some type of anonymous note indicating she might want to monitor her husband's computer activities. It just might save her life. However, I would do it after the holidays.


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## klab0001 (Dec 17, 2010)

Forgive me if this is a dumb question, but in this day and age of electronic communication how would I send her an annonymous note? Are you suggesting a letter by snail-mail or call?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Can you get her contact e-mail address, or her Facebook contact info, or anything? You can always set up a fake e-mail address and accounts almost anywhere.

You could also drop a note in their mailbox, or send a letter, yes...

C


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

klab0001 said:


> Forgive me if this is a dumb question, but in this day and age of electronic communication how would I send her an annonymous note? Are you suggesting a letter by snail-mail or call?


Create a fake facebook account....anonymous email address from yahoo or hotmail....fake name....then send her the message through facebook....

Gosh, facebook should get sued for making cheating so damn easy  !!!!


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

I feel sorry for his wife now she has three people concealing her affair. The OM appreciates your help. (Forgive the sarcasm!!)


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Focus on being a great husband instead so your wife will stay close with you. No, you don't take care of other ppl's marriage life unless the OM refused to cut off contact with your wife.
I would like to know how you solve the issue that you made your wife lonely that leaded her go astray. Wives or husbands are allowed to file divorce when the marriage lack of sex. It's justified by law. Affairs are just the first step of the whole process to step out the unhappy marriage.
Can you put ppl in jail for having affairs?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I would drop a simple note in the mail--as in old fashioned snail mail. If something should arise, it is untraceable. Just use a false return address and mail from another city if possible. At least you will have a clean conscious then. The OM's wife will be warned; it's then up to her to follow up on the lead. Once you put that note in the mail, let the affair go. Focus on the life you and your wife need to create.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Why are all of the posters here suggesting anonymity? Pick up the phone and call the OM's wife. She has a right to know what her dispicable husband is/was doing. You have no loyalty to her. You are not her (or his) friend. She needs to know so that she can get tested for STD's (your wife may not be his only partner). She has a right to decide to either get help for her marriage or end it. She can now keep her husband in line. It will end the fantasy, secrecy and mystique of the affair. This is not a game! You have a marriage to protect/save, and it's time to pull out all of the weapons!

Regarding "being vindictive", f-that! These are the "consequences" of having an affair! One of the reasons that I never cheated was that I always feared that it would somehow get back to my wife and I never wanted to hurt her (or jeopardize my marriage and family). The OM should not be able to sit with that smug smile on his face, thinking he got away with it! He deserves the consequences of his actions, and one of them is to be revealed as a cheater! Don't worry about "destroying his life" as this may be the wake-up call his wife needs to fix what's wrong in their marriage and you may be doing them a favor.

I waited 6 weeks after my wife's revelation before I called the OM's wife. We had a "nice" chat. She took in all of the facts. I don't know what ever came of it as I never followed up with her (and really don't care). I suspect they worked things out as her photo with her kid was replaced on Facebook by one of the three of them. I do suspect that she made her husband close is FB account as it was gone w/in a day of my call (my wife's affair started with him on FB). CALL CALL CALL!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I guess you could use the direct approach if you enjoy "explosions". I, however, don't. And since our poster is trying to repair his marriage, he doesn't need that. His wife is cooperating and she doesn't need that activity either. 

Let's say we take the direct (in your face) approach. Our poster calls the OM's wife. Keep in mind we know nothing about the OM or his wife. Nor do we know how they will react. But, let's say the OM's wife goes ballistic and confronts her husband. And she tells him OUR POSTER told her. Well, then all of this drama has the potential of landing on OUR POSTER'S doorstep. How's that going to help our poster and his wife heal and move on? There are times in life when we need to take the high road when handling situations. This is one of those situations.

Now, if the poster's wife were still involved with the OM and was refusing to give him up, then the direct approach is justified.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Simple. Contact his wife directly. Stop messing around this will protect your marriage in the event it has gone underground as they often do and you as the spouse would never be the wiser. Plus it gives his wife a choice. 

There no debate and no such thing as protecting an affair person, the truth is what counts. Tell his wife and move on.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

This is much safer done when you and your wife have worked through all your issues and you two have moved on.

If you decide to go through with this and tell the OM's wife, do not allow your wife to be blindsided by the news.


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## bangun (Oct 20, 2010)

call him and say "if you dare to interfare my wife.. I'll kill you"


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

I caught my wife having an EA. I read "I want you" in her phone text. She caught me reading. I was too shocked to read on so I gave her the phone back in disgust. She made some lame excuse about being silly and drunk and that I had nothing to worry about. She assured me it was nothing.

Had I called the OM's wife then, I would have put an end to it earlier. In stead, it kept on for another 6 months and ended after their physical meeting. When I confronted my wife, she admitted, I threatened divorce, she took 60 Klonopin's and came w/in 15 minutes of death! 

WE ARE NOT PLAYING SCRABBLE! THIS IS SERIOUS LIFE SH*T. TAKE WHATEVER MEASURE YOU NEED TO END IT, TO KEEP IT OVER, AND TO PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE!


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