# Need more Sex in my life :)



## Lovely313 (Sep 19, 2011)

Yes, I want more sex than my husband. Weird right? The last 3-4 years have been miserable as far as sex is concerned. I think we are both expecting the other one to initiate and be "freaky" but it just doesn't happen anymore. I have tried over and over to have sex, but I get rejected time and time again. I am 26 freakin years old, and I love to feel wanted and to have sex but it just doesn't happen. A part of me thinks my husband is lazy and seems to be "too tired" most of the time, I know that he isn't cheating- too committed and lazy for that. BUT it is important and because I have brought it up so many times, he says that makes it worse....like he has to force it or fake it. This is crazy to me because we are both attractive people but he doesn't make me feel that way. It makes me want to find someone who does want me. That makes me nervous, but I dream of being "WANTED." HELP!! I am seeing a therapist....not about the sex specifically but it has come up. I guess I just want to feel "wanted," is that too much to ask for?


----------



## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

Have you tried just physical touching and sensual mood setting like massage, candles, bubble baths? Will he talk with you about fantasies? You don't have to follow through with them...just talking about them could be arousing. There are a lot of things to try, if you're open to the possibilities.


----------



## Lovely313 (Sep 19, 2011)

Yes, I've told him my fantasies, but he seemed too embarassed or nervous to tell me his....and we have known each other for almost 8 years! Crazy to me. I am most definitely open to possibilities, but I have been turned down so many times and our relationship is struggling so much that I have almost given up


----------



## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

I don't know...that's like a complete switch from my marriage. I guess pressuring him isn't likely to help, but maybe you can get a committment to try one thing...either the fantasies, or massages, or erotic movies...something, for at least awhile, to see if it helps.


----------



## Lovely313 (Sep 19, 2011)

Ok, thanks for your thoughts and time


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Lovely,
When was it good. How long was it good for? When did it start to go downhill and how long has it been "bad" for?

No offence intended - has either of you gained weight or had any major life changes?

Has he gone to the doctor to rule out physical stuff?

You need to send a private message to "therealbrighteyes". She went down this path starting a long time ago and can let you know what you are likely in for. 




Lovely313 said:


> Yes, I've told him my fantasies, but he seemed too embarassed or nervous to tell me his....and we have known each other for almost 8 years! Crazy to me. I am most definitely open to possibilities, but I have been turned down so many times and our relationship is struggling so much that I have almost given up


----------



## Lovely313 (Sep 19, 2011)

MEM,

Crazy thing...we are both crazy in shape (both previous college athletes) so that is not a factor!

We had a couple great years of sex...when we first met. The past 3 years or so have been up and down, but mostly not so great. At first before we were married he said it was religious...that he felt guilty for having sex before marriage, so I was respectful to that. After we were married, things didn't change so I figured "religion" was just an excuse. I honestly think that in his previous relationships, he didn't have to "try" and it was easy for him. But I expect him to try and make me feel like I am wanted. That is not happening. I don't know what to do. Along with other things, our relationship is going down hill and our physical relationship has been the most constant struggle. Everything else has snowballed....

I just want to feel sexy, to feel wanted. I know that I am attractive, I just don't get that reassurance from the person that is "closest" to me. Boo.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Have you tried to pull back a bit? Are you smothering him with neediness in this area? There were a lot of "I want to feel needed and he needs to do this" phrases in your posts. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/21278-thermostat-ultimate-barometer-your-r.html

It's not wrong to want your partner to desire you and to show you that desire. It is wrong if you are using that to validate your own self worth, though. You have to validate your worth yourself. What are you doing to improve yourself?

And...have you looked at other potential reasons for his disinterest? physical issues - stress - porn - EA/PA - relationship issues. Here's a list of potentials you can work through: Loss of Libido in Men

God Bless.


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

there is something about your sexual relations he is adverse to. maybe you do something you think he likes but he doesnt, maybe it really is about being too needy or agressive.


----------



## LonelyHusband (Sep 2, 2011)

Sorry that you have to deal with this...I can't imagine not wanting to have sex...I have a very high drive and if my wife was wanting to have sex I would be a very happy man...good luck, I hope you can get what you deserve.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Lovely313 said:


> Yes, I want more sex than my husband. Weird right? The last 3-4 years have been miserable as far as sex is concerned. I think we are both expecting the other one to initiate and be "freaky" but it just doesn't happen anymore. I have tried over and over to have sex, but I get rejected time and time again. I am 26 freakin years old, and I love to feel wanted and to have sex but it just doesn't happen. A part of me thinks my husband is lazy and seems to be "too tired" most of the time, I know that he isn't cheating- too committed and lazy for that. BUT it is important and because I have brought it up so many times, he says that makes it worse....like he has to force it or fake it. This is crazy to me because we are both attractive people but he doesn't make me feel that way. It makes me want to find someone who does want me. That makes me nervous, but I dream of being "WANTED." HELP!! I am seeing a therapist....not about the sex specifically but it has come up. I guess I just want to feel "wanted," is that too much to ask for?


back off talking about it play hard to get?

or maybe theres something in your general personality that it turning him off are you pushy or *****y or controling.I'm not trying to make you selfconsicous but its hard to see your own personality flaws. and everybody has some. 


very frustrating when one wants more than the other. 

if the one who dosn't want it don't comunicate or won't comunicate the its an up hill battle.


----------



## coldshoulder (Sep 27, 2011)

Lovely313 said:


> I honestly think that in his previous relationships, he didn't have to "try" and it was easy for him. *But I expect him to try and make me feel like I am wanted. That is not happening.* I don't know what to do. Along with other things, our relationship is going down hill and our physical relationship has been the most constant struggle. Everything else has snowballed....
> 
> I just want to feel sexy, to feel wanted. I know that I am attractive, I just don't get that reassurance from the person that is "closest" to me. Boo.


What does that mean exactly...how does he have to try, if you are throwing it at him? or when he does take interest, are you sending the signal "that isn't good enough, try harder..."?

And do you throw the "I know that I am attractive..." at him followed by "...because other guys tell me, but I want you to show me..." or something along those lines?

I don't know...I'm not in this situation, so I'm grasping at straws...

I hope you find out what the issue is and can work through it...

Later.


----------



## JustAboutDone (Feb 3, 2011)

I'm in the same boat, except older (34) and male. My wife and I are both in great shape, and have never cheated on each other... but our once great sex life is now few and far between. When I masturbate I fantasize about her... but at this point I don't think our sex lives will ever pick up. As sad as it sounds, I'm about to throw in the towel -- I've spoke to her about this and she doesn't seem to want to fix it. She has lost her sex drive and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. At this point I just don't think things will change. For you, a woman that has a high sex drive and a guy that doesn't want it -- I'd have to say that he's nuts! or something is going on behind the scenes. Either scenario stinks, best of luck to you -- for me, I've almost given up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

JustAboutDone said:


> I'm in the same boat, except older (34) and male. My wife and I are both in great shape, and have never cheated on each other... but our once great sex life is now few and far between. When I masturbate I fantasize about her... but at this point I don't think our sex lives will ever pick up. As sad as it sounds, I'm about to throw in the towel -- I've spoke to her about this and she doesn't seem to want to fix it. She has lost her sex drive and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. At this point I just don't think things will change. For you, a woman that has a high sex drive and a guy that doesn't want it -- I'd have to say that he's nuts! or something is going on behind the scenes. Either scenario stinks, best of luck to you -- for me, I've almost given up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know the feeling have told my husband of 22 years I want sezx more just to be ignored. I am beyond fustrated!!!!!! I spiLled out all mt fEelings this sucks!!!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

a donkey painted like a zebra is still a donkey.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Runs like Dog said:


> a donkey painted like a zebra is still a donkey.


Yup, the OP's husband really could be a horse of a different color and hiding that from her with less and less success.


----------



## Dax (Jun 11, 2011)

As a younger married guy, I'll throw some ideas out there. He could be watching too much porn and masturbating too much to the point where he doesn't want to have sex with you. He also could just not like having too much foreplay to get to the point of sex. It can get tiresome doing all that work, and getting straight to the point of intercourse or just having a quickie is great a lot of times.

There's something about your sexual activity that turns him off. Even if he resents you or doesn't like things about you, a young guy with a normal sex drive will look past that to have sex because a guy has needs. Another possibility is that he's just tired of sex with the same person and wants to have sex with another girl. He stopped being attracted to you even though you might be attractive by normal standards. Lastly, he could be cheating and getting sex from someone else.


----------



## JrsMrs (Dec 27, 2010)

Nope, not weird. A lot more common than society would lead us to believe, IMO. I could write what you wrote almost verbatim- sex was great before marriage and turned to crap before the ink was dry on the marriage certificate. 12yrs into the marriage at this point, and I'm done. I'm tired of being with someone who can't muster a little passion for me once in awhile. Sad and frustrating. 
I have no advice as I've tried everything... from lingerie, to *****ing about it, to not mentioning it at all, to subtly initiating, to blatant signals; we did counselling a few times.... nothing has fixed it. I wish you better luck than I've had.


----------



## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Do you make more money than he does?


----------

