# Update- You never know till you try- but always trust your gut



## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

So I had an impromptu meeting with the church guy. If you remember from my post- I was really not feeling it, but thought maybe it was me and wanted to give him a chance. We met at a restaurant and he ordered “fries” like I stated- one of the things that turned me off prior, was his aversion to “food”. Not just any particular but all it seems.
He eats a lot of fries, I’ve cream etc.

We didn’t have much to talk about as I did most of the talking. He listened. He nodded and didn’t give much back. I love witty banter, and unfortunately it wasn’t there. Plus, I didn’t feel any pull of attraction to at least want to kiss him.

What it did do was make me think of “teacher” guy that parted ways with me a few weeks ago. We are pretty much no contact as we chatted maybe 2x since then a friendly how’s work- kids etc.

Now we don’t speak. Not sure what I will do with him on social media, but I presume unfriend as it’s unnecessary to keep.
Like many posters said- we were compatible and things were good but if one isn’t ready- then there’s nothing that will change if you both aren’t in the same place.

That’s the hard thing about dating. 
But at least I tried it with church guy and realized it wasn’t there.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

now you can move on with out doubt...good for you


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@Sue4473, 

Two things: 1) The point of dating is to get to know people and see if they are a good match for you...and now you know that church guy just isn't. That is neither good nor bad--just a fact. You two don't fit well together. Period.  I'm sure he is a fine fellow, kind and caring and courteous and all that...he just isn't FOR YOU. 

2) Regarding what you called his aversion to food, I would like to possibly suggest that you take a potential new perspective on that. There are many people in the world, who, for a variety of reasons, have a specific or limited diet (meaning "what they can eat"). Some folks have allergies or can't eat dairy without distress. Some have an illness like Crohn's and have to be gluten free. Some have some medical procedure and just don't digest meats or fats well. BUT they can still be an absolute foodie!! Just maybe not at restaurants. 

Restaurants oils to fry their fried foods are often inexpensive, vegetable oils which can be tough on digestion. Restaurants love to serve steaks as a special meal, but steaks are red meat and can be hard to digest. Restaurants often add cheese to everything or bread everything. Now I'm not saying restaurants are "bad" but if someone had Crohn's for example...poof all breaded food is off the plate, as is bread, buns, rolls, cakes, etc. 

Alternatively, at home, if someone is a foodie but loves to cook, they might fry foods but use olive oil. They might make a nice thick, lean pork chop with a fancy chutney. They might have dairy-free recipes to make amazing side dishes. They might have recipes for gluten-free dinner rolls and cookies. Thus, their foodie nature is displayed in their love for food that they can create AND EAT without digestive distress. And if someone had a serious allergy, or illness or something, they might want to allow others to feel the joy of going to a restaurant but also know that what they can order without getting sick the next day. 

Sooooo...long story short, don't assume people aren't foodies just because they don't like restaurants. Keep your mind open to the possibility there may be a creative chef genius who works around their own dietary needs to eat well and not get sick.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Sue, you gave it your best shot and that's all you can ask for! I admire you for trying, something, primarily out of fear and age, that I rarely ever do!

Mr. Right ain't far away! Just hang in there, girl!*


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Agreed, now you sampled the dude with expectations and he didn't pass. Ok then if you choose you can be friends but honesty is best when he sees you in person and wants to be more just let him know honestly you are not clicking, and let him get the hint. If he doesn't then do what you must defriend him and such. If he retreats great, if not and is in stalking mode the the church elders and confront through what his life revolves around.

And they can issues the warnings to move on if not then get real and text him the next step is a restraining order. You gave it the shot good for you. I sure he will move on gracefully and it will be behind you, then to seek what will make you happy and joyful.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

So guys/ why is the teacher guy ignoring me? When he was so adamant on us being such good friends before anything happened between us.

IN my experience/ I’ve always had a friendship with the men I’ve dated.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Maybe he of the type that needs a woman to engage, but that type of dude is too cautious and may be like french fry guy. And just want you to do it all, how tiring. Let teacher come to you if not don't dwell just keep moving forward.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Physical attraction should be felt first.
If there's no physical attraction it's a waste of time, every time.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Sue4473 said:


> So guys/ why is the teacher guy ignoring me? When he was so adamant on us being such good friends before anything happened between us.
> 
> IN my experience/ I’ve always had a friendship with the men I’ve dated.


Did teacher dude say "I don't want drama" because I've learned that people who say that really need drama to be happy.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

StillSearching said:


> Physical attraction should be felt first.
> If there's no physical attraction it's a waste of time, every time.


I always feel unlucky when it comes to such combination. Those guys I have found physically attractive, had no brains. Those who had, were not physically attractive. :|
Some other physically attractive guys, had no eyes for me, those who weren't that much, would notice me. 
:rofl:

it feels like I'll remain single for life! Or I'll date just to pass the time. :crying:


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

@Lila- no he never said that. Maybe he’s staying away because it’s only been a month and he’s lying low. 
And feels that I’m upset about the parting.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

lovelygirl said:


> I always feel unlucky when it comes to such combination. Those guys I have found physically attractive, had no brains. Those who had, were not physically attractive. :|
> Some other physically attractive guys, had no eyes for me, those who weren't that much, would notice me.
> :rofl:
> 
> it feels like I'll remain single for life! Or I'll date just to pass the time. :crying:


Sounds like a change in your expectations, or a change in your SMV, is called for. 
Nature is a marketplace.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Sue4473 said:


> @Lila- no he never said that. Maybe he’s staying away because it’s only been a month and he’s lying low.
> And feels that I’m upset about the parting.


Wait a sec. Is teacher-guy the one who you thought had said OK to exclusivity because he didn't really answer or say anything when you brought it up? And then he sent you the text saying things weren't going to work?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

StillSearching said:


> Sounds like a change in your expectations, or a change in your SMV, is called for.
> 
> Nature is a marketplace.


SMV?? 

Sent from my SM-N960F using Tapatalk


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Sue give on up church guys...they have no personality...date a pagan


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@Sue4473, have you tried going on dates with lots of different people solely for the purpose of having fun versus finding "the one"?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

@casualobserver-yep. He answered in his own way I guess. @Lila- yes I have and I wasn’t dating teacher guy expecting snyuto come about. But I enjoyed what we were doing and I guess I got carried away. He wasn’t there yet


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Sue4473 said:


> @casualobserver-yep. He answered in his own way I guess. @Lila- yes I have and I wasn’t dating teacher guy expecting snyuto come about. But I enjoyed what we were doing and I guess I got carried away. He wasn’t there yet


I don't think it's a good idea to try and maintain contact with teacher dude. The best that could be hoped for would be an FWB scenario, and you have already indicated you're looking at something more exclusive than that.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> So guys/ why is the teacher guy ignoring me? When he was so adamant on us being such good friends before anything happened between us.
> 
> IN my experience/ I’ve always had a friendship with the men I’ve dated.


Before? He said that because he wanted to have sex with you. Now? He's moved on and has no reason to be friends since sex isn't a possibility. While there are men who are interested in being friends with women if sex isn't involved, there are plenty who aren't. He isn't.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Sue give on up church guys...they have no personality...date a pagan


They really do. I know many church guys who have brilliant personalities, including my husband and son:smile2:


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

@Openminded- funny how his true colors really show now. Makes it that easier to be pissed off and eventually delete him off Facebook. 
It takes me awhile to figure out the bad ones. But I do let go
I just wish one would stick.
I don’t need a man, but I want one.


It gets worse as I get older and my son doesn’t need me as much.
When I did see teacher, it was fun to look forward to going out and conversing and the sex too. It was nice having a partner. He’s stupid if he got rid of me to go get online and screw a new girl? I’ll never under stand this phenomenon


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

@Openminded- funny how his true colors really show now. Makes it that easier to be pissed off and eventually delete him off Facebook. 
It takes me awhile to figure out the bad ones. But I do let go
I just wish one would stick.
I don’t need a man, but I want one.


It gets worse as I get older and my son doesn’t need me as much.
When I did see teacher, it was fun to look forward to going out and conversing and the sex too. It was nice having a partner. He’s stupid if he got rid of me to go get online and screw a new girl? I’ll never under stand this phenomenon


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

After I posted this teacher texted. I texted him last week. I guess if he would’ve told me that we were moving fast we could’ve taken a break. So I’m done. I’m givjng him his stepping back space. 

Here’s the text-


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Good Ridence turkey.....


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> After I posted this teacher texted. I texted him last week. I guess if he would’ve told me that we were moving fast we could’ve taken a break. So I’m done. I’m givjng him his stepping back space.
> 
> Here’s the text-


So you still pursued him AFTER he made it crystal clear he wasn't interested?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

I didn’t pursue him. This was after 2 weeks of us parting ways. Why shouldn’t we be friends? I known the guy a year before we even dated. 
We were friends before. He wasn’t some one and done dude I picked up at the bar. We work for the same school district 

So yea I was/am a little thrown of by his wanting to take a step back from friendship text.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

I didn’t pursue him. This was after 2 weeks of us parting ways. Why shouldn’t we be friends? I known the guy a year before we even dated. 
We were friends before. He wasn’t some one and done dude I picked up at the bar. We work for the same school district 

So yea I was/am a little thrown of by his wanting to take a step back from friendship text.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I guess it's just different for him. 

It was fun while it lasted, but it's not what he wants....and he thinks it will be weird or awkward right now. 

If you talk to him at all, you come off as stalky and clingy. 

Let it go. Not that big of a deal.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

SunnyT said:


> I guess it's just different for him.
> 
> It was fun while it lasted, but it's not what he wants....and he thinks it will be weird or awkward right now.
> 
> ...


I agree with this. If you tried to maintain at least the friendship, for him it felt weird to be friends after dating you. Maybe now he doesn't want to deal with you at all and you might have come off as needing his presence desperately in your life, if you insisted on being friends with him.

Thank God he was upfront about his feelings and didn't mislead you. I think it's sufficient to not consider him anymore, nor for friendship nor for dating.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

I guess he’s right when he said in his text- sure we can meet and chat but it’s too soon. We got intimate and did things and discussed way more than just friends do.

Not that it would be awkward, but it would be hard to sit and talk with him and not cuddle up like we used to.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

I’ve gotten a few good responses, but most have been- directed at me like I’ve done something wrong to cause this. It does take me time to get over someone/things. 

I’m not being clingy or psycho to him. Do I think he’s a bad guy? No. But I do think he has things going on that he won’t talk about. 

I feel he’s open to friendship one day and I will welcome that because we were a fun and had lots in common type of people. 
He even said how I got him and his sense of humor. 

I am sad and I don’t feel sorry for it.
I know y’all are trying to help and not come across as harsh, but sometimes I take it that way.

I’m just trying to figure out things and I’m finding out that sometimes you will never know.

Sue


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Sorry Sue but does ( all the eggs in one basket) do anything for you. You lower you " want to get her status " I think humans really sometimes want what they can't have.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> I didn’t pursue him. This was after 2 weeks of us parting ways. Why shouldn’t we be friends? I known the guy a year before we even dated.
> We were friends before. He wasn’t some one and done dude I picked up at the bar. We work for the same school district
> 
> So yea I was/am a little thrown of by his wanting to take a step back from friendship text.


You did pursue him Sue. You contacted him. That's pursuit. He was very blunt with you in the text when he told you he didn't want to see you anymore, you shouldn't have contacted him at all.

I know it's hard but you've got to start respecting yourself more, don't chase men who don't want you, they're getting in the way of the one who's waiting for you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Sue give on up church guys...they have no personality...date a pagan


Really? No. Not really.

But thanks for insulting every church going male and every pagan on TAM.

You imply church going males have no personality and that pagans probably don't take their religious beliefs seriously.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

@frusdil- it just hurts and I want to cry. 😔


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Really? No. Not really.
> 
> But thanks for insulting every church going male and every pagan on TAM.
> 
> You imply church going males have no personality and that pagans probably don't take their religious beliefs seriously.


Matt i was joking i am Roman Catholic (truthfully i question all religions but i do have my faith)


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Matt i was joking i am Roman Catholic (truthfully i question all religions but i do have my faith)


Just making a potentially hurtful statement without qualifying it as "humour" really doesn't help.  See how easy it is to do that? :rofl:


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> @frusdil- it just hurts and I want to cry. 😔


You moved too quickly for him. Maybe someone else would have been fine with that but he wasn't. Now he wants some space so give him that and don't contact him. If he wants to be friends, he'll let you know.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> @frusdil- it just hurts and I want to cry. 😔


I know it does honey, believe me I do. You are worth it, I know it, everyone here at TAM knows it, the only one who doesn't seem to is you. Know your worth, raise the bar Sue!! Don't settle honey. Please.

Better to be with no man, than the wrong man xx


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