# am i sick? soft swap during camping trip



## ArabianKnight (Jul 24, 2011)

We just got back from camping with our best friends. During night we got drunk and we did soft swap while we naked. Seeing wife doing oral and getting oral turned me on so hard that almost forgot the man's wife on me. Never done that be fore or felt that aroused before. Am I sick? Do I need help? Our marriage strong and I love my wife. Has anyone done that before?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

You said in another post you've already done this before while camping, no? Have your feelings about it changed since the first time?

Also, I wouldn't exactly call it swapping, more like group sex (even without intercourse), but either way it is all up to what you and your W want in your relationship. If you are both completely comfortable with it then there is nothing wrong, though for me I personally don't think I could cope with the feelings of jealosy or thought of her finding another man more pleasing than I. I wouldn't say you are sick at all, I'm sure there are lots of others out there into the same thing, we live one life and it is reasonable to try things that you think will bring you joy... however if you are having negative feelings about it you need to understand them before you pursue this lifestyle, and I think the communication would have to be really, really strong in order to protect your relationship with your W.


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## ArabianKnight (Jul 24, 2011)

My question is, why do I feel that way, what is wrong with me, is it wrong that this turning me on. it has no effect on my marriage, but the feeling that this might be wrong keep poping in my head. 
it seems i'm the only one done that.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Do you feel sick? Do you feel you need help? Only you can answer those questions.


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## ArabianKnight (Jul 24, 2011)

Not sure if this normal or not, that what I ask myself.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I wouldn't say most men would be turned on by it but as long as you and your wife are happy, live and let live.


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## bs193 (Jan 2, 2011)

ArabianKnight said:


> It has no effect on my marriage.


You sure about this? Even if you think it hasn't hurt it, which seems way premature to say, has it helped it? You said your marriage is strong and you love your wife but your other threads seem to contradict this.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

If you call what you are all doing "soft" I'm at a loss for rendering an opinion. Your boundaries are way out of line with my own.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Nobody can answer if this is normal. everyone has their own sense of normal. You'll get plenty of people here who strongly oppose these activities and others who take a more relaxed view. I think among those who do these activities, it is 'normal' to become aroused by them. If you are thinking that men only share their wives because they want the other guy's wife in return, I think you are mistaken. I think many if not most men who do this kind of thing do it because they enjoy seeing their wives with other men.

regarding Lon's post, if you have already said that you've done this before and now you are saying that you've just done this for the first time, then I question the veracity of this post.


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## bs193 (Jan 2, 2011)

Posted Today


ArabianKnight said:


> Never done that be fore or felt that aroused before.


Posted 7/25/11


ArabianKnight said:


> we have tried soft with friends during camping


I am confused. Care to explain?


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## ArabianKnight (Jul 24, 2011)

we have done with another girl before. never went to that level, just my concern was if I'm suppose to feel that way. sorry for confusions. 
i saw most people talking how wrong it is and not suppose to that. and some saying no way, etc..


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

There is no way we know how you are "supposed" to feel. Only you can answer that.

Not everyone is into that. Some people are (you), some aren't. Only you know how you feel.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

The feelings of arousal supposedly come from an instinct. When another man "takes" our woman, our instinct is to become aroused by that so that we can get in there and re-assert our dominance over her. The penis acts as a scoop to remove the other guys semen and replace it with our own. That doesn't make it right or wrong, but I think that is what you are wondering. It is "normal" to be aroused by this, but it is very dangerous territory emotionally speaking. I'd never give my wife to another man or woman.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Lon said:


> You said in another post you've already done this before while camping, no? Have your feelings about it changed since the first time?
> 
> Also, I wouldn't exactly call it swapping, more like group sex (even without intercourse), but either way it is all up to what you and your W want in your relationship. If you are both completely comfortable with it then there is nothing wrong, though for me I personally don't think I could cope with the feelings of jealosy or thought of her finding another man more pleasing than I. I wouldn't say you are sick at all, I'm sure there are lots of others out there into the same thing, we live one life and it is reasonable to try things that you think will bring you joy... however if you are having negative feelings about it you need to understand them before you pursue this lifestyle, and I think the communication would have to be really, really strong in order to protect your relationship with your W.


They like to go camping with other couples it seems and use that time for this stuff. His prevous post said they did a soft swap with bathing suits on. Now they have moved on to naked and falling short of penetration, which defines a soft swap.

I guess the next step is full penetration.

This is swinging. I have no interest in such a thing personally. 

I think a guy who does this is flirting with losing everything.

Married Man Sex Life: How a Bad MMF Leads to Polyamory Weakly


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ManDup said:


> The feelings of arousal supposedly come from an instinct. When another man "takes" our woman, our instinct is to become aroused by that so that we can get in there and re-assert our dominance over her. The penis acts as a scoop to remove the other guys semen and replace it with our own. That doesn't make it right or wrong, but I think that is what you are wondering. It is "normal" to be aroused by this, but it is very dangerous territory emotionally speaking. I'd never give my wife to another man or woman.


:iagree:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ArabianKnight said:


> we have done with another girl before. never went to that level, just my concern was if I'm suppose to feel that way. sorry for confusions.
> i saw most people talking how wrong it is and not suppose to that. and some saying no way, etc..


I think many of us will say that this is not a good idea. But are not making a moral judgement.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

ArabianKnight said:


> My question is, why do I feel that way, what is wrong with me, is it wrong that this turning me on. it has no effect on my marriage, but the feeling that this might be wrong keep poping in my head.
> it seems i'm the only one done that.


Nothing is wrong with you that you find it arousing, nearly everyone at some point or another have that fantasy of being with others and sharing with others.... I think many people have a boundary between fantasy and reality for many good reasons, because fantasy always has the potential to experience the good without the bad, wheareas reality has deeper consequences.

Nobody here is going to tell you what normal is, but all would agree that in a healthy marriage there are no secrets. So as long as you are open with each other and choose to do things as a couple then you have a chance of going through life together (which is what its all about).

However if you (or your W) are feeling in your gut you are doing something wrong you need to reconcile that emotion before doing this or else it WILL affect your marriage big time - you are playing with dynamite, if you are not careful it can destroy it. I think swinging/swapping is a risk most married couples don't want to take, but that doesn't necessarily make it wrong.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the important part is that you need to sit down with your wife and set boundaries on this behavior
if you want it to never happen then express that
if you do want to explore it then be real explicit with each other as to what the other person is comfortable with and abide by it

if you don't then you'll asking for big trouble


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Lon said:


> Nothing is wrong with you that you find it arousing, nearly everyone at some point or another have that fantasy of being with others and sharing with others.... I think many people have a boundary between fantasy and reality for many good reasons, because fantasy always has the potential to experience the good without the bad, wheareas reality has deeper consequences.
> 
> Nobody here is going to tell you what normal is, but all would agree that in a healthy marriage there are no secrets. So as long as you are open with each other and choose to do things as a couple then you have a chance of going through life together (which is what its all about).
> 
> However if you (or your W) are feeling in your gut you are doing something wrong you need to reconcile that emotion before doing this or else it WILL affect your marriage big time - you are playing with dynamite, if you are not careful it can destroy it. I think swinging/swapping is a risk most married couples don't want to take, but that doesn't necessarily make it wrong.


I LOVE everything Lon said there, pretty near 100 %. For us, this would be stepping over our boundaries , jumping over the fence, inviting hurt & disaster into our marraige. 

I think I would get aroused AND jealous to see my husband with someone else. We have talked about this, he has said he has NO desire to see me with anyone else, it would piss him off -so no arousal there at all. ha ha . 

I try not to judge other couples & what they might enjoy together. For me, being totally honest & transparent before each other -in my opionion, is a sign of a good marraige , even if they do things more out of he box than other couples who would judge this to hell and back. 

But keep in mind, you are involving another couple too- and their emotions, desires, risk one may fall in love with you, her, and the chances that all 4 of you are on the same page, I bet it doesn't happen very often. And who all have they been with sexually, does anyone really know. More risk. 

I think if you are not having PEACE about it, that is a check in your spirit to not go there again, a little warning bell. It might have been a EXCITING RIDE, but maybe it is just meant to be a learning experience- going back to fantasy where it belongs. 

If you feel in your heart, you need to get back to JUST you & your wife, builidng your own emotional connection, after all, SEX is very BONDING --never discount these little voices from within to get you back on the right path in your marraige.


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## ArabianKnight (Jul 24, 2011)

you said you get arou sed when you see your husband, then Im not only one here. that what i was getting to.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

ArabianKnight said:


> you said you get arou sed when you see your husband, then Im not only one here. that what i was getting to.


Wow, talk about one track mind. I'm curious, is this really all you want to know and you're not interested in any speculation about whether or not this could potentially destroy your marriage? :scratchhead:


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I LOVE everything Lon said there, pretty near 100 %. For us, this would be stepping over our boundaries , jumping over the fence, inviting hurt & disaster into our marraige.
> 
> I think I would get aroused AND jealous to see my husband with someone else. We have talked about this, he has said he has NO desire to see me with anyone else, it would piss him off -so no arousal there at all. ha ha .
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Follow that gut check. It always knows. Use the force Luke! LOL


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## WorldsApart (May 5, 2011)

ArabianKnight said:


> you said you get arou sed when you see your husband, then Im not only one here. that what i was getting to.


I've spent time around the swinging community, and it's normal to get aroused after seeing your partner with someone else. Quite often I've heard that the "After Sex" with their partner was better than actual swinging.

But, the other posters in the thread are correct- It takes a VERY strong relationship to make it work long term. Swinging has a tendency to find the little loose threads in relationships and unravel them, usually leading to a divorce.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

ArabianKnight said:


> you said you get arou sed when you see your husband, then Im not only one here. that what i was getting to.


Yes, yes, but there is nothing casual about sex. Any sex:
My Take: There


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ArabianKnight said:


> you said you get arou sed when you see your husband, then Im not only one here. that what i was getting to.


Accually I said "I THINK I would" but I know I would also get VERY jealous at the same time, and feel it was "wrong" for us , it would break a vow we have to each other that is very very deep & special -that another has never been able to touch. 

So these things will never happen- neither us would let it. Best left to fantasy. The most lenient thing we do is go to a higher class Gentlemen' Club every now & then, and I let him get a lap dance (no touching, grinding). It makes me a tad jealous but I kinda LIKE IT, kinda revs me up so I can "claim him" to myself later on that night. 

This is *our *"threshold" on wildness with others.


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## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

I would also add that it is not simply a gender issue, that women as well do fantasize about different of multiple partners. It is standard 'women's erotica' fare.

That being said, I, as a husband of 10 years (together for 20) would find the emotional price would be intolerable. My litmus test would be this: how do you intuitively feel when she compliments another man?

Since I am quite selfish regarding her attention - I mean I get irritated when she goes on to her girlfriend about Johnny Depp or someone else for example (he is justifiably attractive). I believe this is reasonable (and healthy) of her to express her feelings, so I do not comment. 

Fantasy is one thing, but acting out on itin our current world is quite another. That being said some cultures, have long historically practiced such arrangements. So, context is also an important consideration.


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## ArabianKnight (Jul 24, 2011)

L.M CoYl
"how do you intuitively feel when she compliments another man?"
May be because I trust wife I dont worry if she does. I trust wife anywhere and in any situation.


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## ArabianKnight (Jul 24, 2011)

SimplyAmorous, may be people's interests are different for the time being, some people may be interested for example if they dont have many kids or feel they are old fashion or older in age to do such things. some others dont feel that way. plus dependence around the environment you live in. I think you said once (not sure) that you have friends that do such things. how do they feel , have you asked them


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## ItHappenedToMe (Aug 5, 2011)

ArabianKnight said:


> ...camping with *our best friends*. During night we *got drunk* and we did soft swap while we naked. *Seeing wife doing oral and getting oral turned me on so* hard that almost forgot the man's wife on me...


There's the dynamite, Arabian. From your post:

a) your best friend
b) being drunk (your ability to discern and judge correctly is immediately lowered; near zero if drunk)
c) your WIFE is getting & receiving INTIMATE PLEASURE with YOUR BEST FRIEND

Now, all the future times you are with your wife you get to consider 
1) Is he better than me (present tense, not past, because they can gather as they wish...it's YOUR BEST FRIEND)?
2) Is she thinking about him? Wanting him instead of ME?

Once the head of the snake is across the threshold, the tail will not be far behind.

The *irony *is your stiffy wasn't even influenced by HIS WIFE on you. Odds are good she'll be thinking about her husband when they are together, as will your wife?


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## ItHappenedToMe (Aug 5, 2011)

ManDup said:


> The feelings of arousal supposedly come from an instinct. When another man "takes" our woman, our instinct is to become aroused by that so that we can get in there and re-assert our dominance over her. The penis acts as a scoop to remove the other guys semen and replace it with our own. That doesn't make it right or wrong, but I think that is what you are wondering. It is "normal" to be aroused by this, but it is very dangerous territory emotionally speaking. I'd never give my wife to another man or woman.


Somebody please explain how a penis is a 'scoop'? The angle of the dangle is definitely not a spoon!


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## WorldsApart (May 5, 2011)

ItHappenedToMe said:


> Somebody please explain how a penis is a 'scoop'? The angle of the dangle is definitely not a spoon!


The ridge around the head works like a scoop, it creates a suction when it's pulled out


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## ItHappenedToMe (Aug 5, 2011)

WorldsApart said:


> The ridge around the head works like a scoop, it creates a suction when it's pulled out


{clears throat}

Yeah. I hate that part.

Thanks for the explaination.


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## ArabianKnight (Jul 24, 2011)

huh ?


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

ArabianKnight said:


> We just got back from camping with our best friends. During night we got drunk and we did soft swap while we naked. Seeing wife doing oral and getting oral turned me on so hard that almost forgot the man's wife on me. Never done that be fore or felt that aroused before. Am I sick? Do I need help? Our marriage strong and I love my wife. Has anyone done that before?


You're not sick - sick is a loaded term. A lot of men and women get turned on by watching pornography, strippers, and the like but as others have pointed out this behavior in all likelihood may not be good for your marriage. Then again there seem to be quite a few couples who like swinging, as well as both men and women who would like to have a third person a part of their sex life.

Were you turned on watching your friend's ****, wondering what it would feel like? Is that what makes you wonder if you are "sick"? I wouldn't worry about it until you decide you need to experiment with guys in which case you should let your wife know of your plans. 

Curiosity has been known to kill the cat - I strongly suggest you and your wife talk about this event and decide how you want to proceed with swinging, I'm not passing judgement.


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## Danielson67 (Mar 10, 2011)

This will destroy your marriage if continued - just my opinion. We are not meant to "share" our wife/husband with anyone in that way. Your mental and emotional make up will get so confused and hurt over this in the long run. The marriage relationship is meant to be protected and nurtured, not experimented with... Sure you're gonna feel aroused, doesn't make it right! Not worth it dude...


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## McC11x (Oct 9, 2011)

ArabianKnight said:


> We just got back from camping with our best friends. During night we got drunk and we did soft swap while we naked. Seeing wife doing oral and getting oral turned me on so hard that almost forgot the man's wife on me. Never done that be fore or felt that aroused before. Am I sick? Do I need help? Our marriage strong and I love my wife. Has anyone done that before?


Me and my wife have talked about doing this many times, but chickened out when it was too hard to ask someone or a couple. I would say this is a perfectly normal urge and very common from what I have heard from other people. I personally think it would be a little weird to think about some dude having actual sex (penetration) with my wife. Oral sex and touching would be fine though. But, you are definitely NOT SICK. If its fun and not ruining your marriage then why not?


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## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

Man, some of you have some pretty weird ideas.
How could you not sense the immense emotional toll of swapping/sharing/cheating UNLESS you have little invested in the relationship. I mean if I was a psychopath, perhaps then I wouldn't care, but I just don't get it unless I was a teenager or something.
When I was a teen I was a walking HO and couldn't imagine myself with one person, but as and adult?


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## foxyone1986 (Nov 17, 2011)

Tayib i dont know where to begin but if you are actually arabic there is so many issues with what happened i dont know where to begin...
7aram 3ajed 7aram


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## ZenFranklin (Nov 25, 2011)

hello? how would you know if he likes you? and you're way to be with him is saying tht he is you're bestfriend?


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