# How do you make your wife feel loved?



## NickTheChemist (Apr 26, 2017)

I'd like to find more creative ways of letting my wife know that she is appreciated and loved and would like to hear what others have done.

I have recently written notes by hand and hidden them in the pockets of my wife's clean laundry. She loved finding the notes over the next couple of weeks. Try it for your spouse and share more great ideas here please.


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## nicnakx (May 3, 2017)

That's such a lovely thing to do. I use to love my fella cooking me a meal. He'd run me a bath first with candles and wine then I'd come down to a meal with more candles and flowers.. was so nice, unfortunately he doesn't do this anymore 😔 

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## NickTheChemist (Apr 26, 2017)

nicnakx said:


> That's such a lovely thing to do. I use to love my fella cooking me a meal. He'd run me a bath first with candles and wine then I'd come down to a meal with more candles and flowers.. was so nice, unfortunately he doesn't do this anymore 😔
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


I used to do this for my wife before our 3 kiddos in 4 years. we'll get there again in another season of life. 

Cooking the family meals is always a good choice.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Strongly urge you to read Chapman's 5 Languages of Love. It is how I finally got my wife to feel loved again.

Problem is you can't just read it, you have to study it and figure out the lessons.

For example, my wife's primary love language is acts of service. Her secondary love language is quality time.

I can do tons of things that I view as acts of service, like house cleaning, doing dishes, laundry, etc and it means nothing to her. On the other hand if I bring her coffee in bed to help her wake up, that is an act of service that makes her feel loved. If we discuss the day while she is waking up, I have added quality time to make her feel even more loved.

So you not only need to learn your wife's LL's, but you have to through trial and error learn the specific things you can do that your wife will view as a statement of love in her LL's.

Good luck.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

My wife loves nothing more than having the burden of preparing the family meal taken off her shoulders. I do this a couple times a week, and when I do, it's an all day project yielding five star, gourmet results. 

Each and every time I depart the house and return to the house includes a kiss. Every day includes at least one "I love you." 

I do my best to recognize any time she goes over and above and puts extra effort into anything she does. 

Cards are common, even when not a special day (e.g. anniversary/birthday, etc). They are always appropriate to us and specific to what we are going through at the time.

Every once in a while, one of her favorite gourmet chocolate bars or bags of chocolate covered ginger will "turn up" at random spots around the house. 

I always set aside time to walk/hike with her, whether it be an after-dinner stroll around the block or a multi-day epic through the wilderness. 

Most of all, I eliminate the behaviors she is uncomfortable with. I have completely tamed my temper (which was never, ever directed at her, but was still uncomfortable for her to be in the presence of). I no longer raise my voice (again never was directed at her, but still made her uncomfortable). 

I'm always on the lookout for clues as to what she likes/dislikes and try to act accordingly. 

But I also try to take care of myself, physically and emotionally. I do take time to myself so I can be completely focused on her when we spend time together.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

NickTheChemist said:


> I'd like to find more creative ways of letting my wife know that she is appreciated and loved and would like to hear what others have done.
> 
> I have recently written notes by hand and hidden them in the pockets of my wife's clean laundry. She loved finding the notes over the next couple of weeks. Try it for your spouse and share more great ideas here please.


Nick, I just want to confirm that this is the same lady you're talking about. From your post 2 1/2 weeks ago:

"She will not kiss me. When I go in for a kiss she turns a cheek/forhead or gives me a tight-lipped peck and pulls away. 

She does not want me touching her unless it is for a back or shoulder rub. Will not cuddle. Won't hold my hand for Mhire than a few minutes. Sometimes she will "let" me spoon her in bed but elbows me off when she gets "too hot" every time snd even complains if I'm touching her when we wake in the morning.

It may be obvious here that our sex life is almost non-existent. It is so difficult as a man to feel loved 
When your wife will not respond to you in any way physically. Our marriage has been "sexless" for most of these 8 years. I do not use porn and have always been faithful to her. 

She makes fun of me for masturbating--especially when she gets mad. I try to involve her and be open about it because I want no secrets, but she often tries to embarrass me. She has a temper and sometimes says horrible thing to me in front of our children."


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Steve1000 said:


> Nick, I just want to confirm that this is the same lady you're talking about. From your post 2 1/2 weeks ago:
> 
> "She will not kiss me. When I go in for a kiss she turns a cheek/forhead or gives me a tight-lipped peck and pulls away.
> 
> ...


:slap:


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## nicnakx (May 3, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> My wife loves nothing more than having the burden of preparing the family meal taken off her shoulders. I do this a couple times a week, and when I do, it's an all day project yielding five star, gourmet results.
> 
> Each and every time I depart the house and return to the house includes a kiss. Every day includes at least one "I love you."
> 
> ...


This is amazing. 👌 it's the little things that mean the most 


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## NickTheChemist (Apr 26, 2017)

Steve1000 said:


> Nick, I just want to confirm that this is the same lady you're talking about. From your post 2 1/2 weeks ago:
> 
> "She will not kiss me. When I go in for a kiss she turns a cheek/forhead or gives me a tight-lipped peck and pulls away.
> 
> ...




Yes, of course. Don't worry, I am reading no more nice guy and have had some very direct conversations about love/respect. She has admitted fault to everything and is now making great efforts to be a better partner. Long road ahead--looking to appreciate the positive changes in a way that is thoughtful, but different than the years I have been a doormat. Side note to all: read no more mr nice guy if you are like me and have tried to act the way you think others (including your spouse) want you to in order to be loved and accepted, only to find ppl taking advantage of you.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

NickTheChemist said:


> Yes, of course. Don't worry, I am reading no more nice guy and have had some very direct conversations about love/respect. She has admitted fault to everything and is now making great efforts to be a better partner. Long road ahead--looking to appreciate the positive changes in a way that is thoughtful, but different than the years I have been a doormat. Side note to all: read no more mr nice guy if you are like me and have tried to act the way you think others (including your spouse) want you to in order to be loved and accepted, only to find ppl taking advantage of you.


Thanks for the reply and update.  I am a bit pessimistic, but I hope your case works out well for you. Whatever happens, I hope you still provide updates six months from now.


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## NickTheChemist (Apr 26, 2017)

Thound said:


> :slap:


Don't worry, thound. I am still taking your advise. My wife is working with me and we are working to improve our relationship. No more nice guy syndrome in my future.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Here's a really simple thing my husband does that I appreciate (and told him so the other night)

...when I pull into our drive and he already has the garage and door open for me, and is there to greet me. If he knows I'll be carrying stuff inside, he comes to help. It means I'm not digging around for my keys. It feels warm and welcoming. A simple thing that says (to me) 'I'm glad you're home.'


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Through the ardent and unselfish usage of words, poetry and prose, touch, and through time spent with!

And I greatly enjoy doing it just as much as she enjoys having it done for her!*


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I was in my girlfriends house one day and she was clearing out the garage which was full of rubbish from years ago.I found her old high school English pad and inside the cover was a quote from Shakespeare that she had written out.I paid an artist I knew to make a painting of the quote and I gave it to her on her birthday this year.She teared up and said it was the most romantic present she had ever had.A few weeks later it was my birthday and she had our baby daughter that morning,I think I got the best present.
In case anyone is interested the quote was."When I saw you I fell in love and you smiled because you knew"


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My wife authorized this post. 

She doesn't have a job besides taking care of me, and sometimes the apartment. I do nothing to help out at home. 

I also never give her presents, which is another story. She prefers cold hard cash, which she then gives away. 

Mary said to write when her Viking Lord sweeps into the house and grabs her up and carries her off every night, she feels loved. Very loved.

As a note, I feel obliged to add that when I write something nice I do feel compelled to add I did horribly mistreat her for almost two years. Thank God she couldn't rat me out here back then.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Last night I was reminded of one of the "little things" I have tried to do for most of our marriage.

We had an unusual late season snow and it was very cold. My wife doesn't like to run the heat any more than she has to (dry skin), so while she doesn't like cold, she finds it to be the lesser of the evils. 

I'm the opposite of my wife, very hot blooded and I never feel cold. So as bedtime approached, I made sure to get ready for bed a few minutes before her, then got into bed on her side. When she came to bed a few minutes later, I rolled back to my side and she hopped into a fully warmed up sanctuary with none of that cold mattress/sheets shock. 

That was, of course, followed by spooning with maximum body contact...

... which lasted until the hot flash came and I was summarily dismissed and the comforter flew off!

Ahhhh, life after 50...


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Steve1000 said:


> Thanks for the reply and update.  I am a bit pessimistic, but I hope your case works out well for you. Whatever happens, I hope you still provide updates six months from now.


Yeah, usually when things are as far gone as you describe, there's not much left to salvage. I have trouble believing that this awful women you describe earlier is in the least bit interested in changing and being a suitable wife for you. She may say she's going to change but never really intends to.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Casual intimate contact - a kiss on the neck as I walk by. A neck / back rub in the evening. 

I occasionally send her bouquets of flowers to her workplace to make her co-workers jealous. 

I bring her little gifts whenever I have to travel.


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