# Leaving laws and school policies aside, what do people think about attitude trends



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Cletus posted a comedy satire about sex ed in another thread. The one thing I cannot get out of my head is the part about several good schools whose students publicly and unabashedly have "No means Yes and Yes means anal" as their chant/motto.

I don' think anyone intentionally teaches their kids this. So where DO these attitudes come from, and why do young people think this kind of thing is ok to be saying out loud? I think it is covered in "joke". But is it a joke? Is it completely meaningless? 

If we look at humor as a human experience, the funniest stuff is the stuff we _actually associate with_. That is why people like Robin Williams are/were so funny. That's why we liberals think John Stewart is so funny. So where does that leave us with regards to young people think that sort of thing is funny?

I confess that this topic has me lost. I know navigating this stuff as a young person was a nightmare. My education was non-existent. So were the other young people with whom I associated. So we did a lot of stupid things. Aside from the actual 1 rape and 2 attempted rapes that were very, very clear cut, there were MANY instances of trying to "get" in my pants. The "pushing past the no" that FW brought up. And they were not benign attempts to encourage past hesitancy in a way that was considerate of how *I* might be feeling. It was lies, pressure, a distinct desire to get laid by a hottie at all costs. (I am not bad looking, I am told.) These were not bad kids. They very likely grew up to be nice men, learning from these experiences the same way I did.

How do we help young people learn these lessons the easy way, not the hard way, which is how I view my education?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I can only speak for my own kids, but so much comes from social media I think. Stuff we never see. I've had to repeatedly tell my 14 year old daughter to stop calling her friends "hoes" on Instagram. They all call each other that as a joke, and my daughter has a lot of MY friends as followers because she's a talented photographer and it's her photography account. The way they talk to each other looks like they are fighting, and one of my adult friends even "reported" one of her friends because she thought my daughter was behind harrassed! I had to tell her that if I see it again on her comments, she's grounded for a day from her phone for each occurrence. (And if she doesn't delete her friends' "hoe" comments in a timely manner, the same consequence will occur). 

That's a relatively minor example, but my answer is social media. And, again, I can only speak for myself, but the way I'm helping my kids learn the "easy way" is through teaching Biblical values. My kids also go to Christian school, and I'm quite sure that if what you posted in the beginning of your post was chanted at their school, it would result in an immediate suspension. Last year (6th grade) my son got a detention for "bean dipping" one of his buddies! (I had no clue what that was) The teachers at the school are all over inappropriate behavior (sometimes to an extreme). Of course kids in Christian school will still have sex and still do drugs, and I'm not ignorant of that fact. But, it does happen WAY less in Christian schools and Christian homes, in my experience and in my opinion. 

Did I say this is all my opinion enough???


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Well, environmental factors. College aged kids are still considered adolescents. They may have matured physically, but the portion of the brain responsible for judgement, and assessing risks is still further away from being fully developed. After a child leaves their parents' sphere of influence, there environmental factors such as other people start influencing their behavior. We are social creatures, and we like being socially accepted. Like the line just being one of the boys.

Schools have to be more responsible for helping still developing children . Parents still need to play a role as well by having open communication with their children. Unfortunately, lessons need to be kept hammering into youths until they are more capable of making adult decisions.

There was this one case where the boy, age 18, who became highly intoxicated. His parents called the police to search for him, but when he saw the sirens , he went into hiding. They eventually found him and he went to the hospital because of frostbite. He endangered his own health because he did not want to get into trouble with his parents.

All his friends were drinking, and he did not want to be left out. Children do not know how to handle stress well, that is why also a lot of children self medicate. their brains are rapidly wiring and changing , causing a lot of stress on them.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I remember when i was in college and after that, that we we would be at parties and joke about how drunk we got and wonder how in the world we got home that night, we would all laugh, but today its not a laughing matter, today most of us would not even think about getting behind the wheel after several drinks....and let's face it how many of our older generations would have their so called Martini lunches....here is my point, attitudes change but they do not change over night, they change slowly through circumstances and events that open our eyes wider, the good news is those idiots chanting are in the minority, but they exist, and apparently natural selection as chose not to eliminate them off the face of the earth, but they will eventually go away and have daughters and at that point will have to come face to face with the shame of their youth.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

And 'tis why I approach parenting in a much less 'traditional' manner, outside influences on children are too strong especially in the information age with smartphones and internet. I also personally believe it would be foolish to dampen open communication between parent and child by being too much of a scolder/punisher, and not enough of a buddy. Also the reason I adopted the action/consequence disciplinary style.

Not all outside influences are bad, it's these same social trends that's breaking the established aspects of racialism among the new generation for example. Daughter is growing up in a very nice multicultural environment and I like it! Yet at the same time sex, drugs, and all that, it's a double edged sword. IMO it's my job to guide my daughter through all this, and the only way is to ensure open communication.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

> I don' think anyone intentionally teaches their kids this. So where DO these attitudes come from, and why do young people think this kind of thing is ok to be saying out loud? I think it is covered in "joke". But is it a joke? Is it completely meaningless?
> 
> If we look at humor as a human experience, the funniest stuff is the stuff we actually associate with. That is why people like Robin Williams are/were so funny. That's why we liberals think John Stewart is so funny. So where does that leave us with regards to young people think that sort of thing is funny?


Lock em up till they are 20 0 It's a joke. 

Seriously though, it is a terrible quandary. Kid's these days (and in my day!!) start having sex any where from 12'ish to the 20's. I suspect many of the problems originate as those who started later mix with those who started younger in those transition years as they get older.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> And 'tis why I approach parenting in a much less 'traditional' manner, outside influences on children are too strong especially in the information age with smartphones and internet. I also personally believe it would be foolish to dampen open communication between parent and child by being too much of a scolder/punisher, and not enough of a buddy. Also the reason I adopted the action/consequence disciplinary style.


A. Frickin'. Men.



> Not all outside influences are bad, it's these same social trends that's breaking the established aspects of racialism among the new generation for example. Daughter is growing up in a very nice multicultural environment and I like it! Yet at the same time sex, drugs, and all that, it's a double edged sword. IMO it's my job to guide my daughter through all this, and the only way is to ensure open communication.


Yah we are VERY open. And very much NOT just say No on the drug front. If you treat all drugs the same, it will take your young teenager about 1 toke on a joint to realize you are completely full of ****.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hahaha, yeah I agree - it helps not to be ignorant too. I still remember when I was 20, I smoked a cone and blew it right in my old man's face and he didn't even have a clue what it was, he thought I was smoking a new brand of tobacco :rofl:

Daughter isn't so lucky


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> The one thing I cannot get out of my head is the part about several good schools whose students publicly and unabashedly have "No means Yes and Yes means anal" as their chant/motto.


Most boys today start watching porn by the time they are 10. Because of this they are exposed to sexual things on a regular basis that kids in the past did not even know existed.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

> "No means Yes and Yes means anal" as their chant/motto.
> 
> So where DO these attitudes come from, and why do young people think this kind of thing is ok to be saying out loud?


I believe it came from TFM, or totalfratmove.com


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Anybody hear of the sex ed program Our Whole Lives? It is a UU education program. My son took it last year. Very good program.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

The incidence of rape in this country is down, like all violent crime over the last ~20 years. It doesn't appear that these attitudes are actually poisoning a large number of our youth.

"No means yes, yes means anal" has nothing to do with college sex other than the clear reference. It's frat boy behavior designed to shock. It's Howard Stern tricks for the new college age. They aren't doing it to establish any sort of sexual mores, they are doing it as a means of generating laughs, and maybe as a satirical response to the constant barrage of rape culture news that makes the headlines. 

I'd wager that every one of those guys using this slogan is probably more inclined to understand the topic of date rape than are the ones who aren't out making fools of themselves in public. They tried some shock comedy, and look, they got the intended result. At least, that's my take on it and my recollection of how I was as during my college years.


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