# A too possessive and insecure girlfriend



## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

Hi girls, I've posted this on the men's section too, but I need another women's perspective on this too. Basically, what I want to ask from the men on the other section is how they have dealt with similar situations, and what I want to ask from the women is how do you think that is the best approach for a man to deal with his insecure and possessive gf. The situation is the following:

They have been together for 2 years, and are living together for a year. Things were nice at the beginning, but she has always been insecure and emotional. What my friend is unhappy about is that she is being controlling with his freedom, not letting him to have his own time when they are home, and not wanting him to go out with his friends even if it's just once in a while. She doesn't go out with her own friends, and she also doesn't seem to have anything to do by her own, so that she would say that he is selfish if he wants to do his own stuffs. They end up watching TV, series or doing house chores together.
My friend often avoids confrontations and prefers to let her "win" rather than fight. He is uncomfortable with all the emotional conflicts.

I've told him that by letting her "win" all the time, even if he's right, would only make her not respect him as well as being more and more controlling and needing to "win". Also, that he should not give in with things that he likes or that matters, like going out with his own friends.
Also, a relationship has to be from both sides, that she also has to work with her own insecurities instead of controlling her bf's needs.

We both think that we shouldn't give up relationships easily without trying to fix things... But I don't really have much idea of what he can do, and the only idea I have is that my friend must not give in all the time and be more confident and not avoid conflicts.

How do you think that it's the best for my friend to approach his gf so that she would be more receptive to deal with the situation, while not having my friend to give in when he shouldn't?

The post in the men's section: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/65040-too-possessive-insecure-girlfriend.html


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

You already posted this in another forum. You will get responses from men and women there.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

it's very hard to stand by and watch your friend be in an unhealthy relationship. I've seen this happen with my friends, they've stayed for years, all the while knowing it wasn't right. Ask your friend if he sees her being the mother of his children. Maybe that will wake him up.


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> it's very hard to stand by and watch your friend be in an unhealthy relationship. I've seen this happen with my friends, they've stayed for years, all the while knowing it wasn't right. Ask your friend if he sees her being the mother of his children. Maybe that will wake him up.


That is a good question... A woman that is too insecure and even selfish can be too selfish to properly take care of her kids. Also, an emotional and depressed mother can be very bad.


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

Is there any reason why she's insecure? Her history with him? Her history in general?


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

shootingstar said:


> Is there any reason why she's insecure? Her history with him? Her history in general?


I can't remember her dating history (can't remember if he's her first), but as I remember there's no apparent reason for her insecurity. I think that it's more due to her lack of experience in relationships plus high expectations and lack of self confidence. They both look average and fit, but she doesn't seem to be interested in going out with friends, nor have some hobby of her own.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Tell the guy to have a "Break" with his girlfriend for a while.

Say that he is wanting to spend more alone time & time with his friends... He wants a break to see if they truely want to get back together after a month.

She has to deal with rejection & insecurities now, or she will be a pain in his side for as long as their relationship lasts.


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