# Exposure Now?



## NotSo (Jul 23, 2012)

I was on another forum here at TAM a while back, although I took some advice, I did not take all.

Back - I found out my wife was having an EA back in April, worked on things (got trickle truthed and lied to the whole time) but moved out in August due to the lies and breaking boundary rules I set for her. 

I have been in IC (she refused to attend MC) with a therapist and friend and they are both telling me it's not my place to expose and to take the high road. 

Since moving out, I have not attempted any R because wife and her former boyfriend (who she has not seen in 22 years) are still in contact. While they are still in contact, there is no way I am considering R.

I know now, I should have exposed immediatley - now, as time has passed, I feel so much better about my future - I am less anxious and actually optomistic about things (although I still miss my daughter and dog immensly).

Question - With where I am now, how I view my future (D), should I expose - expose to my wife's family (my wife's family thinks I aboned the home) and the OMW? I want to - thats the vengeful side of me (I want him to suffer like I have). OR, let it go and not have to deal with the mess of it over again? I know if I do expose to the OMW, my wife will be angry, (Honestly, I do not care about that) but I will have to deal with it on some certain level.

Thank you,


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

That's up to you. If you feel revenge is good for you then do it. 

Since you are getting a divorce, I would only advocate exposing him if you know he is married and cheating on his wife. Otherwise, *me personally* I wouldn't waste my time on vile people. Out of sight, out of mind. Let them live their little fantasy. 

Of course it was YOU that was hurt, YOU that went through all the wasted effort, and YOU that will feel the sting of rejection. So I see where you would feel justified. And you are if you want to do it. 

BTW your therapist is full of krap IMO. Not your place? Who the h3ll's place is it then? Theirs? You wasted money on the "feel-good" therapist.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Exposure is a two edged sword. Nobody knows the real truth, her family will side with her more than likely because she is part of their family. I would expose it to them. I exposed my EX's infidelity to her family... They still sided with her but that wasn't the point. It really puts a lot of light on something that was done in the darkness.

I wouldn't do it for revenge. I did it to try to save my marriage. If you have proof, I would just send it to her family, your family and OMW... It is liberating and painful, but you won't be hiding their secrets anymore.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I always love how exposure is a road lower than any type of boundary breaking affair.


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## skip76 (Aug 30, 2011)

You'll know you have changed when you stop caring what these other people think. if you want to expose and make this guy feel pain do it. who cares if anyone thinks it is vengeful. Take control of your life and do not regret "your" decisions. Once i started making my own decisions, i had to take responsibility for my life because they were my decisions.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

The OMW has a right to know, so she can make better informed choices about her life at the least. You don't owe it to her, the POSOM does, but the likelihood of that happening is low. Think about if the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want her to let you know?


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Wow! I thought exposure was too taboo, culturally unsanctioned. I had to do it for my own peace of mind to circumvent the emotional torture of trickle truth, rug-sweeping and gaslighting. I did it 2 years too late. It affected their relationship significantly but they had already painted a public picture of me in the 2 years as being "crazy". I exposed while I am still married to him. I think it's more defam. after divorce.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If you're divorcing, the reasons to tell would be to inform the OMW and to inform any family members you wish to know the truth. Or revenge, although with time that urge will dissipate as you move on.

If you decide to tell OMW then be prepared for her to not believe you. Many don't, even with proof.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Hell, I'd blow the living fvck out of this masquerade they've been living...to hell with the motives. Why should they get off scot-free while you've had to wallow in this mess of their creation and endure the lies?

Go nuclear.

Time for a little taste of _what you sow, so you shall reap_.

Have fun


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Do not look at is revenge it is the right thing to do. the other mans wife may not know and she has the right to now. Expose to her family and yours. 

right now they believe what she is telling them but they need to hear it. If you have some proof (written) I would provide everyone copies.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

By the way tell your IC / Friend they are full of S$%t about exposing and forget that high road Bs it will bite you in the A##


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## Lostinthis (Sep 11, 2012)

Yes, Do it ... I did the same and it was the best feeling ever. but just be ready to call 911 because he may try to come after you. I did that and put court order agenst him. it will kill his relathionship with your wife forever. cos he is going to dump her ASS in a second... Good Luck , I am with you


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## Lostinthis (Sep 11, 2012)

As far as exposing to your wife family.. it is tottaly up to you. but IMO don't do it if you think you will be able to R with her in the Future..


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Lostinthis said:


> Yes, Do it ... I did the same and it was the best feeling ever. but just be ready to call 911 because *he may try to come after you*. I did that and put court order agenst him. it will kill his relathionship with your wife forever. cos he is going to dump her ASS in a second... Good Luck , I am with you


I wouldn't worry about this one bit. He's gonna have his hands full enough as it is. OMs are notoriously wimpy anyway. They'll talk tough, but that's about all it ever amounts to.


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## NotSo (Jul 23, 2012)

Thank you all for your replies. I do have written evidence, text, & emails in proving everything I claim - I have given my stbxw every opportunity to apologize for the lies and denials; to this day, she "promises" me she no longer is in in contact - then, 30 minutes later she is texting or emailing him.

Lost - I am no way afraid of this pvssy, if he wants some of this, he can bring it...the night I found all these text - I threatend to drive 8 hours to "speak" to him. At the current time, I do not see anyway I could ever be with this woman again, she lied and denied me out of the home and family we had for 20 years. She said that if I ever expose this to the OMW, there would never be any chance of us reconciling - she has protected him and his family more than she has offered to my/our family.

It just pisses me off that he gets to enjoy (maybe he does'nt) his marriage and kids and I don't. BUT, then again, how happy were we prior to her EA?? 

I am thankful for this forum; I have looked at it everyday since i discovered it back in May - I hope to hear more replies on this exposure topic, but I do have one more question for y'all - When should I reveal my evidence on her? Do it now, to show her that her I know she is and has been lying the whole time - or do I simply wait, and use it in negotiating when going through the D? 

That is another reason I have not exposed - use exposure as leverage and using my evidence as leverage.

Thanks again,


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

NotSo said:


> Thank you all for your replies. I do have written evidence, text, & emails in proving everything I claim - I have given my stbxw every opportunity to apologize for the lies and denials; to this day, she "promises" me she no longer is in in contact - then, 30 minutes later she is texting or emailing him.
> 
> Lost - I am no way afraid of this pvssy, if he wants some of this, he can bring it...the night I found all these text - I threatend to drive 8 hours to "speak" to him. At the current time, I do not see anyway I could ever be with this woman again, she lied and denied me out of the home and family we had for 20 years. *She said that if I ever expose this to the OMW, there would never be any chance of us reconciling - she has protected him and his family more than she has offered to my/our family.*
> 
> ...


And that is your first phone call. She's terrified of POSOM's BW finding out.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Pick your poison:

revenge:
- an act or instance of retaliating in order to get even
- an opportunity for getting satisfaction 

comeuppance:
- a deserved rebuke or penance

just deserts:
- punishment or reward that is considered to be what the recipient deserved.

justice:
- the maintenance or administration of what is just especially by the impartial adjustment of conflicting claims or the assignment of merited rewards or 

closure:
- an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality

catharsis:
- purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear); a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension


Do it - it's the right thing to do no matter what you call it.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

NotSo said:


> ...She said that if I ever expose this to the OMW, there would never be any chance of us reconciling - she has protected him and his family more than she has offered to my/our family....


Oh hell no! No a f'ricking way. 
I originally said to do it if you thought it was the right thing to do. 

NOW ... I say *"it's the right thing to do"*

In a big way. 
In a far and wide way. 
In a righteous way. 

It's one thing to "fall out of love"
It's dastardly to cheat because of it. 

It's vile to threaten you with "not coming back" if you try to break up cheaters. Does she think her vajayjay is plated with gold? It's not, like her soul, it's crawling with nasty bugs.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Go ahead and expose his wife has a right to know.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Oh no .... another bs afraid to expose om to omw ? 
does it benefits you to keep quiet until after d is final ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

My biggest advice to you is get it done and when you start to expose you do it fast. She is going to find out and start her rage. The rage is due to the pain she will feel when it is exposed.

My wife and I threatned me that we would never R if I did that. We are in R. I did not expose at first but he kept trying to talk with my wife and she did not say no.


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## NotSo (Jul 23, 2012)

Movin on - not afraid - especially not now. Just want to do it at the best time and the best way that benefits me...I can hold off on the gratification of exposure - but I wanted to know thoughts on do I expose prior to any hearings or D proceedings. Afraid my a$$


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

NotSo said:


> I was on another forum here at TAM a while back, although I took some advice, I did not take all.
> 
> Back - I found out my wife was having an EA back in April, worked on things (got trickle truthed and lied to the whole time) but moved out in August due to the lies and breaking boundary rules I set for her.
> 
> ...


Could someone please explain to me , how the hell is breaking up an affair vengefull? Is calling 911 when you see someone break into a house vengefull. If you see someone about to be stabbed in the back and you stop it is that vengeful.

As a matter of fact, not telling the OMW makes you just as guilty as the two people screwing over her. Just like conspirators in a bank robbery or other crime, you have knowledge of a "crime" and you are keeping it to yourself because you are a nice guy. Being a nice guy is what got you here in the first place.

Do what any moral person would do.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

If it benefits you in the divorce to keep quiet then I probably would
After d is final I would rent a billboard along the most traveled road 
In your area with her and om pictures along with the word CHEATERS
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Not sure where you are located but in most states infidelity no longer matters in a divorce settlement.

She is protecting him while manipulating you. She has no respect for you and see does not value you or your family.

What do you intend to do? Tell her to sign the divorce agreement or you will expose her affair?

The minute she gets a lawyer all that so called leverage you think you have goes out the window. You got nothing.

Expose to OM's wife. Then you will know for sure where you stand.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

But make sure OMW knows as soon as d is final.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NotSo (Jul 23, 2012)

mahike - My biggest mistake, not exposing when becoming aware of who he was, all of May, June, and most of July, I did not WHO I was dealing with on the other end of this EA... 

Now, I found out about the EA at the end of April - she never gave up his last name, I found it in July. That is when I found out everything about him, his wife, his kids, his job, her job, & the puny fvcks facebook page. 

August came, I moved out - got incredibly busy with work (which was a God send - working 80+ hours per week). My wife is the pursuer in this - I thought moving out would get her out of the "Fog" but it did not and I have grown out of love with her - I need to give her the ILYBNILWY - because I do love her, she is the mother of my children and made the sacrifices that have allowed me to become successful in my profession.

Therefore, forgiveness could be relatively easy for me - forgetting, never.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

movin on said:


> But make sure OMW knows as soon as d is final.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Screw that...I would call that poor woman NOW!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> I have been in IC (she refused to attend MC) with a therapist and friend and they are both telling me it's not my place to expose and to take the high road.


Your therapist and friend. As them this question: Do they think there is a difference between being *on* the high road and *being* the high road?

Lack of exposure means they get to walk on you.


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## NotSo (Jul 23, 2012)

Chapp - it's not a "crime" it's inappropriate behavior -and it hurts. Yes I am a nice guy, I have felt guilty for leaving my daughter - I miss what is mine, but being nice did not get me here in the first place, being nice doesn't warrant a SO to look other places for something they themselves are lacking. 
Having my head in the ground for years may have got me here, but that doesn't even warrant betrayal.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Print this off and send it to her.

*Before you decide to leave. Read my story 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let me tell you my story and hope you listen.

Me and my husband were married 16 years. We had 2 boys, 14 and 12. Financially we were good. We bought a fixer upper in a good location, that eventually became a great location. About 4 years into our marriage we came into an inheritance which allowed us to pay off our mortgage and fix up the home. So 4 years into our marriage we were pretty great. My husband had his job and I worked for a graphics design office. Life was good my husband had his hobbies, Elks club, ETC.

Some time over a year ago I felt like I was missing something from our marriage. I felt like I didn't have enough time or attention with my husband. He had his work and other things of interest but I was sort of on the side, or at least that is what I felt. I felt a bit silly complaining about it so I just let it go. It was a mistake.

During that time we ( me and my husband ) went to a neighbors party and I met a friend of a friend. He was nice man he had a business the next town over. We spoke a bit I didn't think much of it. He asked what I did and was interested in some work for his business. I gave him my work number and continued on with the party. 

Two days later I get a call from this man lets call him Jim. Jim wants some work done and we go over some ideas and prices, he then asks for my cell number. At first I was a bit hesitant but I gave it to him. I pretended it was for work, but I knew deep down it wasn't. He was a single man in his mid 40s like myself and my husband.

We began to talk and what started out as a emotional relationship went physical. We only meet a few times before I got caught about 4 or 5 months into it.

Of course my husband was furious with me as it brought up an old incident. When my second son was 6 months old I had an emotional affair via phone and text with a old high school boyfriend that came back to town for a short time. We went to counseling and it worked itself out. I admit it was really foolish and stupid of me. 

But now its different.

We contact a marriage counselor and we started counseling, unfortunately I kept in contact with Jim. You guys call that a fake reconciliation. I just couldn't give him up. I thought I loved him and he told me he loved me. 

I got caught twice during talking to Jim. The 2nd time was the straw that broke the camels back for my husband. I told my husband I was talking to a friend at work named carol who went through this as well, but in reality it was Jim. Understandably my husband blew his top since I was at home talking with Jim when he thought it was Carol. 

All along my husband kept telling me it was a fog that he was reading about here on this site and other place. That I didn't love Jim. Honestly I got a bit offended that he was telling me that I didn't know what love is. I loved my husband when I married him, I love my kids. 

The more he came at me to try to fix it, the more I ran away. I can tell you he honestly became a pest at trying to fix this. But he tried more then I did. But the longer I was there the more he annoyed me. 

I wanted to see Jim but I was stuck here with him. I knew my attitude wasn't the best with him. Anything he asked me would some how set me off.

Me and Jim talked about our future together, how much we loved each other. 

In the end I said those words I keep reading about here all the time. " I love you but I'm not in love with anymore." 

I know it killed my husband I could see it in his face, his whole body. But to me I felt I had to be strong for me and for even my husband. He deserved someone to love him as well. 

Why live this lie anymore I thought. 

Well Divorce isn't easy. I stayed in the extra bedroom as we drew up the paperwork. 

During this time my husband finally just stopped asking me to fix it. At first I was relieved that I didn't have to hear it anymore and I didn't have to keep breaking his heart every time as well. But part of me was a bit agitated that he was over me or was strong enough to fake it at least. I realized that I lost one of my anchors and this was happening. 

Again Jim kept reassuring me being by my side so I was strong.

My husband lost weight from the stress and then began going to the gym to work out. It was a noticeable change. He also seemed to be more in charge or more organized.

Well we signed the papers and he gave some last words expressing how disappointed he was with me. 

I moved into my new apartment and we did the customary every other weekend thing. 

As expected my kids would go over to now my Ex and Jim would come over on Friday, spend the night and we would be together all day Saturday. Basically like a new relationship acting like kids and making "love" all the time and all over the place.

Months went by my Ex meet someone. Fortunately for men in this day in age, Men usually can or do date younger women and of course this women was almost 10 years younger then me. Yes it annoyed me. 

Well reality started setting in about 7 months after I left. There isn't anything particular I can say started it. But I remember one time, one of sons was sick and I can tell that Jim was a bit annoyed that I kept him home and just let my other son go to his dads. He commented why couldn't my Ex handle it. 

It was those sorts of things that made me compare Jim to my EX and since Jim had no children I could see he just couldn't understand the bond between a parent and a child. 

It took about another 2 week before I can only call it the slap of reality set in. Me and Jim fell apart, he moved on. This "Fog" my Ex spoke about started to lift and I started saying what in the world did I do. 

I started reflecting back on the past year I began to cry uncontrollably. The one person in the world that would have done ANYTHING for me and I left him. It was only then did I understand what being married was and what being a family is. I should have done whatever I could to keep my family.

I was ashamed that I didn't see this earlier. That I didn't see that my family was worth more then this. That I was totally selfish. 

My husband kept telling me all of this, but it just sounded all crazy and silly. It just sounded like a man making excuses to get back together. 

Well now that I see and understand, I would see my Ex and I started having feeling for him. But I just didn't have the courage to say anything after all I did to him. How could I, plus he is with someone else now. 

I wait another 2 month its just about 9 1/2 months since I left and I finally convince him to come over to help out with something for the kids. I fix myself up and I pour my heart out to him. Something I never did in my life. I cried, I begged and apologized. 

What came next killed me. He told no, that he was sorry, but he couldn't risk the pain and that if he was going to take a chance of getting hurt it was with this new person in his life. 

He left and I cried for 2 weeks straight. I now knew what I put him through. What he felt those months ago. I wanted to die from the pain. I couldn't believe how I destroyed my family and the only man that loved me and understood me for all my faults and issues.

I went to therapy because I knew I needed the help. 

So today I came here to post this because my therapist felt it would be a way to heal and maybe I feel a bit better knowing I might help someone else out. To tell my story and hope that someone who might be on the fence would make the right choice to save their family.

I was a fool for not seeing this all for what it was. For not seeing that the one man that loved me was right in front of all this time. That I didn't fight for my marriage and my family. That I waited, when I should have ran back to him to tell him sorry. But I let my pride and fear get in my way. Maybe if I went sooner he would have changed his mind. I will never know now. 

Now instead of being with the person I truly love and that loved me. With the father of my children. The person that has been with me through thick and thin. 

Now I will have to compromise and settle for someone else that is not him. Its a harsh and bitter reality. I ruined my kids lives as well. 

So I hope this will help someone out. Today I see that short of some kind of abuse there is nothing worth giving up a family for. *


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

NotSo said:


> Chapp - it's not a "crime" it's inappropriate behavior -and it hurts. Yes I am a nice guy, I have felt guilty for leaving my daughter - I miss what is mine, but being nice did not get me here in the first place, being nice doesn't warrant a SO to look other places for something they themselves are lacking.
> Having my head in the ground for years may have got me here, but that doesn't even warrant betrayal.


It is definitely a crime and always has been. Simply because "progressive" legislators decided to change that does not make it morally so. It is a crime punishable all the way up to execution in many places. People take the law into their own hands and fight and kill over infidelity. Unfortunately others may kill themselves.

What your wife and her new man are doing is despicable. You are not doing anything to stop the damage they are doing to other people though you have the power to do so. That is also despicable. I hope the wife someday can forgive you. I know for a fact, every betrayed spouse here that found out someone else knew, has felt betrayed by those that knew of the affair. Good friends have been cut loose, even hated for not revealing what they knew. Not letting someone know they are being betrayed makes the person concealing it, which is what you are doing, immoral too.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

3putt said:


> Screw that...I would call that poor woman NOW!


I would to .. But .. If he can use keeping quiet as leverage in the d process 
Then that is something to think about. OP has to look out for his best 
own well being at this time. If not expose now, but now or later Expoure is a must !!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

If you were in the Other mans wife's shoes, wouldn't you want to know your spOuse was screwing around on you?

I would! Also, why would you let YOUR reputation be trashed by her family? Where do you think they got the idea that you abandoned the family?

Additionally, there no hope of your wife coming out the fog if you don't expose
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Expose publicly WITH the evidence not hearsay.

You can be the most vengeful person on earth and still be on a higher road than a cheater.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I think always expose. If the OM is married which he is then I would feel like an accessory to the crime if I didn't expose it. It they work together then he's a danger to husbands of other women he works with. If he's in a position of authority or power then he's abused it. I also don't care for how cheaters rewrite history and make the WS out to be the bad guy.

This guy may be a predator who will wreck another marriage. Another couple that still has a chance. It's not like you're making up damaging stuff. You're only exposing the damaging things he himself has done. It's kind of a pay it forward thing. If my wife was stepping out and someone told me about it then I would be greatful to them so in return I feel obligated to return the sentiment.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

movin on said:


> I would to .. But .. If he can use keeping quiet as leverage in the d process
> Then that is something to think about. OP has to look out for his best
> own well being at this time. If not expose now, but now or later Expoure is a must !!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't mean to "like" that..meant to hit quote. 

Like what kind of leverage?? Never seen where a BS gained any kind of advantage by keeping quiet on their WS's betrayal. What I have seen plenty of times is the WS severely rethink their options when the one they thought they were going with got blown sky high.

Funny how it works that way, yet so few choose to see it and act on it.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Btw if I was in your sitch I would expose now . 
But you gotta do what's best
For you at this time .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

3putt said:


> I didn't mean to "like" that..meant to hit quote.
> 
> Like what kind of leverage?? Never seen where a BS gained any kind of advantage by keeping quiet on their WS's betrayal. What I have seen plenty of times is the WS severely rethink their options when the one they thought they were going with got blown sky high.
> 
> Funny how it works that way, yet so few choose to see it and act on it.


I agree 100% but notso ask if he should use as leverage and if it benefits
him then it is something to think about. Me? I would blow them out of the 
World with exposure
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

If coming out of this with a better financial package is his only concern, then he can do whatever the hell he wants. It's not my family that's being blown apart from lack of action.

I just know, regardless of whatever leverage may be "lost", I would never be able to look myself in the mirror again if I just let this go with no consequences to either of them. No way.

And I sure as hell would be able to look in the mirror knowing I was complicit in keeping the poor POSOM's BW in the dark about something she has every right to know. THAT'S just wrong!!

I'd rather lose a little money than my integrity.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

That is another reason I have not exposed - use exposure as leverage and using my evidence as leverage.

Thanks again,

3putt this is what notso ask. I'm just saying if it will work in his case then go for it .
But he should expose as soon as d is final. 
If exposing now benefits him then he should do it now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NotSo (Jul 23, 2012)

Thank you ALL - I appreciate your views. I will expose this tomorrow once I can confirm 2 more items I need to confirm tonight.

Chapp - thanks for the message.

I will post after exposure and deliver any new news.

Bless you TAM members


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

NotSo said:


> Thank you ALL - I appreciate your views. I will expose this tomorrow once I can confirm 2 more items I need to confirm tonight.
> 
> Chapp - thanks for the message.
> 
> ...


Good luck ! I hope everything works out for you. 
Your doing the right thing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

NotSo said:


> Thank you ALL - I appreciate your views. I will expose this tomorrow once I can confirm 2 more items I need to confirm tonight.
> 
> Chapp - thanks for the message.
> 
> ...


Now we're talkin'!


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

NotSo said:


> I found out my wife was having an EA back in April, worked on things (got trickle truthed and lied to the whole time) but moved out in August due to the lies and breaking boundary rules I set for her.
> 
> I have been in IC (she refused to attend MC) with a therapist and friend and they are both telling me it's not my place to expose and to take the high road.
> 
> Since moving out


Another fool taking bad advice from bad counselors. Counselors has an 84% failure rate on saving marriages.

2nd big mistake is moving out of the home you put WW in the drivers seat on so many issues because you have abandoned the home. You need to move back in or get hosed on alimony, CS, custody, who gets the house, etc.

3rd mistake and an even bigger one, you have a DD, you move out of the house so WW can move the OM in. OM have been statistically proven to be abusers of DD's.

Exposure is simple. Expose to WW parents, siblings, and your kids. Even a 4 yo needs to be told that mom's and dad's do not have BF/GF's. Mom has a BF and is going on dates with the OM/insert OM name. What mom has been doing is called and affair or cheating.

Also expose OMW or OMGF, OM parents and siblings. If WW and OM met at work then expose the affair at work.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Are you doing a Facebook exposure as well, and if so, do you need some templates?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

NotSo said:


> Thank you ALL - I appreciate your views. I will expose this tomorrow once I can confirm 2 more items I need to confirm tonight.
> 
> Chapp - thanks for the message.
> 
> ...


And don't take any guff about you destroying this other dude's family from her. She has nothing to say that's worth more than the warm spittle she sprays as she lies.


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

Lostinthis said:


> As far as exposing to your wife family.. it is tottaly up to you. but IMO don't do it if you think you will be able to R with her in the Future..


The exact opposite of this, actually. Exposure helps R.
If already moving on and/or indifferent, it might seem not worth the trouble.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposé first to the OMW. Otherwise your wife may ran him and he will intercept your exposure.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Have you even filed for divorce? Doesn't sound like it. Your WW probably thinks you won't do it, hence her threat of "no reconciling" if you tell OM's wife.

So, first order of business is to file...which will show your WW that you are finished with her.

Second, expose the affair to OM's wife. She deserves to know. 

Using exposure as leverage won't matter in the divorce proceedings...unless you are in one of the few 'at-fault' states left. The courts really don't care who's to blame for the failure of the marriage. And when it comes down to more $ vs. exposure, your WW will pick more $.

Who else you want to expose to is up to you. Personally, I would tell everyone. Post the OM on cheaterville. Let the world know what a POS he really is.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Go read Carlton's thread, he held off on exposure hoping for leverage. He now realizes it was a mistake and would have gone for exposure if he had to do it ll over.


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## NotSo (Jul 23, 2012)

Shaggy, 3Strikes, Marty - Thanks - I am filing on Monday morning, and exposing to OMW later that day. I have everything I need now. I do realize the mistakes I have made - all of them from DDay to even now. Keeping the evidence from my wife was to protect from the EA (My W and AP have not seen each other since 1988) going undergound.

Thank you


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## keepmyfamily (Nov 16, 2012)

I exposed because I'll be [email protected] if I let people think I had a part in the ending of our marriage. 

Let's just say I have had a lot more support than I expected from my H's family. And, after sitting on a note to OW parents for the past month, I finally sent it out this week. I got a few text's from H about "fVck up my life but leave her and her family alone" and "what satisfaction are you getting from this?" So my guess is her family wasn't too accepting of the affair.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

NotSo said:


> Shaggy, 3Strikes, Marty - Thanks - I am filing on Monday morning, and exposing to OMW later that day. I have everything I need now. I do realize the mistakes I have made - all of them from DDay to even now. Keeping the evidence from my wife was to protect from the EA (My W and AP have not seen each other since 1988) going undergound.
> 
> Thank you


Mistake? LOL. Most of us here made them.Its knowing when to stop and move forward, no matter how long it takes, that is most important.


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## NotSo (Jul 23, 2012)

Thanks everyone - yeah, keeping the "hard evidence" of the EA was originally to be used to leverage my W into a mediation type of D, not for gain, just to get her to agree to a less expensive and time consuming D. 
Well, come to find out, my W contacted a D attorney on Tues. that specializes in mediation, so now I do not have to explain to her what a mediation D is.
I just want to be done with this M and move on - And Yes, Keepmyfamily - I am still going to expose my W OM to his W and to her family so everyone will know I was not the one that went outside of the marriage and the ultimate end of it.
This pisses me off, but I had dinner on Thur night with mutual friends of my W and I, and the W said she went 3 months mad at me for moving out until she found out what my W did. 
IF I had to go through all this again - this is what I'd do:
1. Expose Immediatley to everyone.
2. Kick her out of the house, and stay with my daughter and dog
3. Keep every dime of MY $
4. And most of all - not believe a single word that comes out of her mouth


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

NotSo said:


> Thanks everyone - yeah, keeping the "hard evidence" of the EA was originally to be used to leverage my W into a mediation type of D, not for gain, just to get her to agree to a less expensive and time consuming D.
> Well, come to find out, my W contacted a D attorney on Tues. that specializes in mediation, so now I do not have to explain to her what a mediation D is.
> I just want to be done with this M and move on - And Yes, Keepmyfamily - I am still going to expose my W OM to his W and to her family so everyone will know I was not the one that went outside of the marriage and the ultimate end of it.
> *This pisses me off, but I had dinner on Thur night with mutual friends of my W and I, and the W said she went 3 months mad at me for moving out until she found out what my W did. *
> ...


Sigh...if only I had a buck for every time I heard something similar to this.


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## keepmyfamily (Nov 16, 2012)

NotSo said:


> Thanks everyone - yeah, keeping the "hard evidence" of the EA was originally to be used to leverage my W into a mediation type of D, not for gain, just to get her to agree to a less expensive and time consuming D.
> Well, come to find out, my W contacted a D attorney on Tues. that specializes in mediation, so now I do not have to explain to her what a mediation D is.
> I just want to be done with this M and move on - And Yes, Keepmyfamily - I am still going to expose my W OM to his W and to her family so everyone will know I was not the one that went outside of the marriage and the ultimate end of it.
> This pisses me off, but I had dinner on Thur night with mutual friends of my W and I, and the W said she went 3 months mad at me for moving out until she found out what my W did.
> ...


Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda.

Work with what you still have and do what you need to do. The end.


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## NotSo (Jul 23, 2012)

3 Strikes - I have not filed. Found out that my wife contacted an attorney that specializes in Mediation D - I was elated to see that. Saw her yesterday when I went to pick up my daughter and asked her strainght out - Do you want a D? She said "No, Im not there yet" She asked me and I said, "yes, I am there." 
She began to open up more than ever in the 6 mos we have been separated and I think it is because I said I was ready to start the process of D.
She did say, that she wakes up every morning, see's our wedding picture and thinks to herself, "how can I go through life without him, I dont want to".
I guess I can only answer, is it too late to hear that? Did I already go through my mourning of the M being over? I struggle with this, I feel like I'm on the fence.
Question - How long should someone be on that fence? I think it should it be up to her to show me, she is truly 100% on the R path before I need to do anything.
Someone said it takes a month for every year of marriage to be "over" the marriage - thats nearly 21 months now and D Day was 9 months ago. So, I guess I shouldn't get in that big of a hurry to try and blast through a D as fast as I can.
Exposure to OMW is coming later today - see how the fallout affects all this.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Is she willing to break contact with her boyfriend. Have they met up?


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## NotSo (Jul 23, 2012)

Chap - they have not seen each other since 1989. She said she is willing to go NC; I didn't say anything about a NC letter though.


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