# Husband will not agree to separation agreement



## ktheuerkauf (Jan 2, 2017)

My husband and I are getting divorced after 15 years of marriage. We are trying to figure out our separation agreement. I hired a lawyer because I needed some support and guidance. He was not happy about this. We have finally come to an agreement, but there are certain aspects of it that he will not agree to. I believe that I am being more than fair in this agreement. In fact, number wise, it is split about 40% (wife) and 60% (husband). I am okay with this for several reasons. #1. We have two homes, one in CO and one of which we rent in Oregon. I don't want them at all and want a fresh start. Our daughter passed away 5 five years ago and my husband worked a lot on remodeling our house for our family. It's very special to him, but I have memories in other ways. #2. Though it was bad timing, he finally got his dream job as a firefighter. However, this means he gets 50% of the income he used to get as an engineer. I respect his career move. In my heart and mind, I feel good about this agreement. People tell me I need to fight for me, but I'm done. After my daughter died, I have a different approach to live. Money is needed, but I just need to pay my bills, have money to visit my sisters and parents, and have money for retirement. My goal in the agreement was that both of us would be okay in the present and the future. 

We have a huge problem though. I need to get my name off the loan so that I can one day buy my own house. Our houses are morphed into one mortgage, which makes things very tricky. My husband thinks that we can write in the separation agreement that I will not be responsible for the debt on the houses and thinks this will allow me to get off the loan. This is NOT possible. Mortgage companies don't care what's legally written; a refinance, assumption or sell is the only way to get me off the loan. An assumption is not possible and neither my husband nor I want to sell the house. That leaves refinance as the only option. But my husband refuses to refinance because he doesn't know when he will be able to afford to do that. I would be willing to give him a 5 year timeline because I need to accrue some money to buy a house and that will take time. I talked to a broker about our situation and he said my husband CAN refinance. It will be tight and tricky, but possible. This would mean my husband would have a bit higher monthly payment. HOWEVER, my husband does not believe anything I say. He will not speak with the broker I spoke with, will not call lenders to see if he can refinance to an FHA loan, and will not seek any advice or counsel. We are at a complete standstill. We are fighting, arguing and saying things we don't mean. He hates my lawyer and I think is starting to hate me. He's my best friend and there wasn't a major trigger to our divorce...we just couldn't get along and had different views of life. I don't know what to do. Thanks.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Send him an email detailing what your broker has told you and tell him he either co-operates or you go to court and force the sale of both properties.You can also mention that you are accepting less than you are entitled to in this divorce but you won’t accept any more time wasting.
Be careful that he doesn’t leverage any other loans against these houses while your name is still on the mortgages.


----------



## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

Why do people think that if you go thru a divorce you are "entitled" to have it your way. You husband can do what he pleases if this bothers you go to court and have it settle.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why are you calling it a separation agree? It's a divorce. I'm asking because "separation" and "divorce" are two entirely different things legally. Therefore, I'm wondering which this is as it makes a difference.

If this is a divorce, and not a legal separation...

You are offering him a good deal. He can of course react to it any way he wants. What he's doing is stonewalling to try to force you to give him an even better deal, to keep you on the morgages for his benefit. This will of course tie you up financially and legally.

So now you can react in any way you choose.

I suggest that you not agrue any further with him to accept your very generous offer. I like the idea of you writing out the pros/cons and options and giving him this in writing. Give him a week. If he does not then accept your generous offer, have your lawyer re-do your offer with a 50/50 split force the sale of both houses.

You tried to be generous. He is chosing to not accept your offer.

Do not let him push you into leaving you on the mortgages.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ktheuerkauf said:


> My husband and I are getting divorced after 15 years of marriage. We are trying to figure out our separation agreement. I hired a lawyer because I needed some support and guidance. He was not happy about this. We have finally come to an agreement, but there are certain aspects of it that he will not agree to. I believe that I am being more than fair in this agreement. In fact, number wise, it is split about 40% (wife) and 60% (husband). I am okay with this for several reasons. #1. We have two homes, one in CO and one of which we rent in Oregon. I don't want them at all and want a fresh start. Our daughter passed away 5 five years ago and my husband worked a lot on remodeling our house for our family. It's very special to him, but I have memories in other ways. #2. Though it was bad timing, he finally got his dream job as a firefighter. However, this means he gets 50% of the income he used to get as an engineer. I respect his career move. In my heart and mind, I feel good about this agreement. People tell me I need to fight for me, but I'm done. After my daughter died, I have a different approach to live. Money is needed, but I just need to pay my bills, have money to visit my sisters and parents, and have money for retirement. My goal in the agreement was that both of us would be okay in the present and the future.
> 
> We have a huge problem though. I need to get my name off the loan so that I can one day buy my own house. Our houses are morphed into one mortgage, which makes things very tricky. My husband thinks that we can write in the separation agreement that I will not be responsible for the debt on the houses and thinks this will allow me to get off the loan. This is NOT possible. Mortgage companies don't care what's legally written; a refinance, assumption or sell is the only way to get me off the loan. An assumption is not possible and neither my husband nor I want to sell the house. That leaves refinance as the only option. But my husband refuses to refinance because he doesn't know when he will be able to afford to do that. I would be willing to give him a 5 year timeline because I need to accrue some money to buy a house and that will take time. I talked to a broker about our situation and he said my husband CAN refinance. It will be tight and tricky, but possible. This would mean my husband would have a bit higher monthly payment. HOWEVER, my husband does not believe anything I say. He will not speak with the broker I spoke with, will not call lenders to see if he can refinance to an FHA loan, and will not seek any advice or counsel. We are at a complete standstill. We are fighting, arguing and saying things we don't mean. He hates my lawyer and I think is starting to hate me. He's my best friend and there wasn't a major trigger to our divorce...we just couldn't get along and had different views of life. I don't know what to do. Thanks.


*It's rather simple ~ if he agrees with you on the basic precepts of the separation agreement, then you submit it to the court 99.9% of the time, the judge will sign off on it. Barring any element of disagreement, the judge will decide for him, but only after giving both you and him to have an opportunity to air your side of the story!

Simply put, in the event of disagreement or only elements thereof, the Court will be rather happy to decide for you!

That's what your lawyer is for is to present your case to the Court in the best possible way!*


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This sucks. You sound like a reasonable person. Why couldn’t you get along? 

I understand.... had a gf that I dearly loved and she just made it impossible to stay in the relationship... I believe she was the problem— she had to have everything her way and didn’t care how much effort I took to do things to make her happy, but rarely reciprocated.

I think elegirl is right. Don’t separate, just divorce. If you want a clean start, separation is not the way to do that. He is not going to be able to keep his “dream job” and also keep his dream house, if he’s on his own.
He does sound unreasonable if he won’t take steps to make things fair for YOU...

Good luck.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> This sucks. You sound like a reasonable person. Why couldn’t you get along?
> 
> I understand.... had a gf that I dearly loved and she just made it impossible to stay in the relationship... I believe she was the problem— she had to have everything her way and didn’t care how much effort I took to do things to make her happy, but rarely reciprocated.
> 
> ...


*Please keep in mind that in several state jurisdictions here in the U.S., that the act of "separation," in and of itself, is a legal element of the divorce process and cannot be circumvented until such time that the legally prescribed amount of time has passed, before they procedurally and legally can go on to the next step in the divorce process!

Just call it "employment insurance" for family lawyers!*


----------

