# In the middle of sex tonight and my wife tells me not to cum inside of her



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Literally while I'm inside her she says "don't cum inside me, it's gross." 

Seriously? Dont I have a right to be mad here? It killed the mood and I stopped immediately.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## poshshorty (Jan 29, 2013)

I would imagine it would instantly stop sex on a dime! If she doesn't want it like that then maybe use a condom? It seems pretty insensitive to me. I am sorry she did that.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I'm sorry she actually told me she said "it feels gross coming out." not "it's gross." we've been in a relationship for the better part of the past 12 years and I've
Never been told this in the middle of sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

jd08 said:


> I'm sorry she actually told me she said "it feels gross coming out." not "it's gross." we've been in a relationship for the better part of the past 12 years and I've
> Never been told this in the middle of sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seems like an odd thing to be telling you now, assuming that you normally don't use a condom.

I don't know if getting mad is the appropriate response but I can understand why it would kill the mood, especially if you've never heard this before. The sensitive thing to do would have been to tell you her feelings on that beforehand and not in the middle of the act.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Yeah the problem is she's not sensitive and doesnt think about things like that. 

I got mad because to me it's kind of hurtful. We are married and this is a normal and acceptable part of marriage. It's not like I asked her to do anal or bondage or something. 

She's always thinking about herself and what she wants. I don't think she considers how things make me feel before she says them. 



JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Seems like an odd thing to be telling you now, assuming that you normally don't use a condom.
> 
> I don't know if getting mad is the appropriate response but I can understand why it would kill the mood, especially if you've never heard this before. The sensitive thing to do would have been to tell you her feelings on that beforehand and not in the middle of the act.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

WTF??????

I can see her not wanting you to come in her mouth, but not inside her? You need to find out what's gotten in to her (hah!) that's she's had this change of heart. Is it temporary or a permanent cut off? Is she effectively saying she doesn't want sex with you anymore? And how exactly does she want to be intimate with you?

Very strange.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If my "wife" said something like that, that's a deal marriage breaker.

Then we can do anal instead........

Maybe she is scared because she is pregnant?


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Something's up. That's not right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Isgirl,

I don't know what she wants. I told her from now on I can't have sex with her because I will wonder whats going through her head. She got mad and defensive and said that she wouldn't have made the comment if she knew it was going to make me mad. I'm thinking "well anyone should know how that comment is going to make their husband react."

I'm just generally unhappy with her and the marriage right now. She doesn't listen to me when I try to talk about our issues, says I just talk about the same thing over and over and she gets mad and then usually falls asleep. 

We have a 3 year old and she's 3 months preg with our 2nd. I feel trapped, miserable, rejected, hurt, etc. Tonight just really did it for me.


----------



## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

I quite often use a condom with my wife. She can't get pregnant, she just doesn't like leaking or the way she smells the next day. 

It doesn't make a difference to me, I still find it pleasurable and feel close to her. 

It's not always


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

JWilliams, the timing of the comment is what got me more than anything. I mean yeah it pisses me off that she is rejecting the act of unprotected sexual intercourse with me but to do so right in the middle is a dagger.


----------



## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

OMG I can't imagine being so insensitive. But I guess I can't relate to her b/c I love getting...well, you know... If I were you, I would've pulled out right then and there and said "as you wish..." and went and took a shower and left her laying there being all 'not gross'.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Oh I pulled out and just blankly stared at her for a good 15-20 seconds. It was awkward. Then she got mad at me. Guess I hurt her feelings. Trust me, I wish she loved it too but it looks like that isn't the case. 



Waking up to life said:


> OMG I can't imagine being so insensitive. But I guess I can't relate to her b/c I love getting...well, you know... If I were you, I would've pulled out right then and there and said "as you wish..." and went and took a shower and left her laying there being all 'not gross'.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

Does her aversion to it have anything to do with her being pregnant? Maybe she's just feeling yucky and hormonal right now, but normally (while not pregnant), she doesn't feel that way? (It was still very insensitive, prego or not.) She sounds pretty self-centered if you ask me.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I cant say what's going through her head. I guess it's possible that being preg has something to do with it. She didn't seem to mind me giving her an orgasm with my finger/tongue right before we began with the sex though. So she got what she wanted and then told me she didnt want cum inside of her. 

Oh, btw I read your thread. Sorry to hear about your situation as well. 



Waking up to life said:


> Does her aversion to it have anything to do with her being pregnant? Maybe she's just feeling yucky and hormonal right now, but normally (while not pregnant), she doesn't feel that way? (It was still very insensitive, prego or not.) She sounds pretty self-centered if you ask me.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I also think it has to do with her pregnancy, hormones changing, etc. You could try anal with her instead?


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

jd08 said:


> Isgirl,
> 
> I don't know what she wants. I told her from now on I can't have sex with her because I will wonder whats going through her head. She got mad and defensive and said that she wouldn't have made the comment if she knew it was going to make me mad. I'm thinking "well anyone should know how that comment is going to make their husband react."
> 
> ...


MMSL. Read it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Literally while I'm inside her she says "don't cum inside me"...,


I was about to say, meh, she probably wants off the pill, for my wife and I, it's all good for me I'll just sprog all her face hehe... but then I read...



> it's gross."


=/
Nice choice of words... 



> I'm sorry she actually told me she said "it feels gross coming out." not "it's gross."...
> Yeah the problem is she's not sensitive and doesnt think about things like that.
> 
> I got mad because to me it's kind of hurtful. We are married and this is a normal and acceptable part of marriage. It's not like I asked her to do anal or bondage or something.


Well you've let your feelings known, what was her response? I'm assuming she's trying to tell you that you have no right to be mad at her?

It's not very nice to flip the off switch right in the middle of things that's common sense, it's bedroom manners. I did that a few times with my wife which led to fights, it's a fair thing to ask from her in my opinion. 

Now unless she had a reason to stop sex... did she?


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Next time you go down on her do it real good. Just before she climaxes, get up, wipe your mouth off and go into the bathroom and gargle with some Listerine. Then go into the living room and watch some football.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

after a couple of my babies it actually used to sting pretty bad if he did come inside so i asked him to pull out ...
he was just happy to be getting anything cause i was in pain


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Next time you go down on her do it real good. Just before she climaxes, get up, wipe your mouth off and go into the bathroom and gargle with some Listerine. Then go into the living room and watch some football.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol::iagree:


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

There was no reason to stop sex. After we stopped and got dressed she told me that I could have kept going but wanted me to pull out before I came. 

Her rationale was "well you didnt mind before" I said "yeah because I didn't want to get you pregnant. Now you ARE pregnant" To me it was just another of her ridiculous ratIonalizations of some pretty odd/cruel behavior. 



RandomDude said:


> I was about to say, meh, she probably wants off the pill, for my wife and I, it's all good for me I'll just sprog all her face hehe... but then I read...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

goodwife4 said:


> after a couple of my babies it actually used to sting pretty bad if he did come inside so i asked him to pull out ...
> he was just happy to be getting anything cause i was in pain


How the hell does that happen?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I like that idea. I'm sure I would get lit up for that. I'll just do like she did and say "oh did that make you mad? Sorry, I wouldn't have done it if I had known that."



bandit.45 said:


> Next time you go down on her do it real good. Just before she climaxes, get up, wipe your mouth off and go into the bathroom and gargle with some Listerine. Then go into the living room and watch some football.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

bandit.45 said:


> Next time you go down on her do it real good. Just before she climaxes, get up, wipe your mouth off and go into the bathroom and gargle with some Listerine. Then go into the living room and watch some football.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The only thing that will happen if I did that to my wife is this:










Back to work! Not done yet! Double duty for trying to run!


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Next time you go down on her do it real good. Just before she climaxes, get up, wipe your mouth off and go into the bathroom and gargle with some Listerine. Then go into the living room and watch some football.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You just stay your awesome self, OK?


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Oh and in full disclosure, I've done most of those skipping the Listerine / gargle step.

My wife likes direct, fast clit pressure when she is near orgasm. Doing that when she's close will throw her over the edge in a big way. If she isn't that is unpleasant for her. 

I've asked her to be more communicative so I can get it right. I've made suggestions on ways she can be subtle but still let me know. Well one time I guessed wrong about where she was and she wasn't particularly nice at letting me know I did. 

After doing what you suggested, she's more communicative now.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Oh and in full disclosure, I've done most of those skipping the Listerine / gargle step.
> 
> My wife likes direct, fast clit pressure when she is near orgasm. Doing that when she's close will throw her over the edge in a big way. If she isn't that is unpleasant for her.
> 
> ...


Well you're flying blind you know. Its not like you have eyes on your teeth so you can see what you're doing. 

Every woman is built differently...down there, and also between the ears. JD's wife needs her noggin examined.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Well after that incident, we've got a communication agreement. When she starts wiggling her hips up and down that's where I'm going.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

jd08 said:


> There was no reason to stop sex. After we stopped and got dressed she told me that I could have kept going but wanted me to pull out before I came.
> 
> Her rationale was "well you didnt mind before" I said "yeah because I didn't want to get you pregnant. Now you ARE pregnant" To me it was just another of her ridiculous ratIonalizations of some pretty odd/cruel behavior.


Then I would just chalk it up as bedroom manner issues. It doesn't seem like she would listen to you though, she has to be made aware of how it feels. Leaving HER hanging the next time might 'help' her understand your perspective a little more.


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

jd08 said:


> Literally while I'm inside her she says "don't cum inside me, it's gross."
> 
> Seriously? Dont I have a right to be mad here? It killed the mood and I stopped immediately.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Chit test. Plain and simple. As is the "answer". Stop having sex with her. Pull back. Do not initiate. When she does, pull back some more. Make her come to you until she says she wants you to cum inside of her.

Women who act like this (as though sex, semen) is "gross" are not attracted to their partners. Women who are attracted and desire sex on a very animal level WANT their partner to cum inside of them. You need to gain some attraction back, and in order to do so must pull back from her now that she has so rudely and insensitively rejected you. Pull back, get her to start chasing you again, and get her to desire that part of you again.

Sex is "dirty". Period. Men and women who are attracted to their partners like the "dirty" aspect of it. Because it is a part of someone who they are seriously attracted to.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

donny64 said:


> Chit test. Plain and simple. As is the "answer". Stop having sex with her. Pull back. Do not initiate. When she does, pull back some more. Make her come to you until she says she wants you to cum inside of her.
> 
> Women who act like this (as though sex, semen) is "gross" are not attracted to their partners. Women who are attracted and desire sex on a very animal level WANT their partner to cum inside of them. You need to gain some attraction back, and in order to do so must pull back from her now that she has so rudely and insensitively rejected you. Pull back, get her to start chasing you again, and get her to desire that part of you again.
> 
> Sex is "dirty". Period. Men and women who are attracted to their partners like the "dirty" aspect of it. Because it is a part of someone who they are seriously attracted to.


Interesting...

Could she be craving another man's gravy?


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Waking up to life said:


> OMG I can't imagine being so insensitive. But I guess I can't relate to her b/c I love getting...well, you know... If I were you, I would've pulled out right then and there and said "as you wish..." and went and took a shower and left her laying there being all 'not gross'.


Exactly.


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Interesting...
> 
> Could she be craving another man's gravy?


Maybe not. BUT, if she were, she'd be LOVING this other "new man" cumming inside of her (OP, absolutely no disrespect to your wife intended...I'm talking purely about attraction here). Guess that's my point. If she had a strong desire for him, she'd want it (have we read about a woman having an affair here who actually DID use protection and not let her new skanky "lover" cum inside her? I don't believe I've seen it). Now he just needs to figure out how to get that desire back in her. And it won't be begging, by saying "okay honey, no problem" or "okay...I'll wear a condom".

The moment a woman believes sex is more important to you than it is to her, you're doomed. Because I've got news for you...it's NOT more important to you than it is her...if she's attracted to you (and I don't mean simple physical traits type attraction).


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Interesting...
> 
> Could she be craving another man's gravy?


Maybe not ... but if they usually have unprotected sex and he usually goes to completion inside her ... the sudden change would be a red flag to me.


----------



## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

jd08 said:


> we've been in a relationship for the better part of the past 12 years


How long have you had the 'privilege' of cumming into her in those 12 years? Perhaps she always felt a bit grossed out and now with pregnancy it upped a notch or two?


----------



## Loyal Lover (Jan 30, 2013)

JD, so before you would pull out WITHOUT her asking? So is it fair to say she isn't used to you cumming inside of her?

If she IS used to it then perhaps, partially because of the pregnancy hormones maybe, especially given she got sensitive afterwards, she was in a bad mood or something.
In which case, she needs a reminder to think before she speaks. I myself have made some slightly cold comments right after sex that I regret because they hurt my SO who was nothing but nice about it. And I was developing a bad habit on blowing steam by letting things out as I felt them at the moment, based on my bad mood, not on how I REALLY felt about them. I would suggest telling your wife to think before she speaks. Ask her if saying what she said, in such an offensive manner to you (her husband whom she loves) in the MIDDLE of sex, making it a bad experience for both of you, was worth it. I'm sure she doesn't want that and somehow I'm sure she doesn't mind your cum inside of her as much as it seemed that night.

If she is NOT used to it perhaps she is just one of those people that think body fluids are inherently gross. In which case when she said "well you didn't mind [not cumming inside] before" I would suggest you respond with "no, because you weren't so RUDE before". And ask her, if it were the other way around and you didn't like something about her, how would she want you to tell her? Ask her to think about what she should have done differently. What she said, but more so, HOW and WHEN she said it, was not okay. Does she know other husbands might be too hurt or angry to have sex with her again and say something snide like "let's just not have sex AT ALL to make sure you don't get any gross cum anywhere".


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

You need to talk to her further about this because something doesn't sound right. It could be because of her pregnancy, but no matter what the reason it was highly insensitive of her to tell you this whilst making love, and it makes little sense to me. There's nothing "gross" about semen.

Talk to her, OP.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I appreciate the advice. 

There isn't another man. I can be sure of that. 

As for talking, I've tried. It doesnt work. She gets defensive an it makes things worse. 

I think I'm gonna go with she's not attracted to me and/or hates sex. She always lets me give her an O and always has one but that's because she's the one getting pleasure. I think she sees me as wanting sex too much and it has turned her off. In any case, I can't just let it go. I'm really angry and upset right now. I'm going to follow what another poster said and pull back from her. If sje wants it she can come get it but I'm done acting like I need her for now. Time to focus on myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I would say, on average, cumming inside her isnt the norm. The only reason I pulled out before was for contraception purposes. She has never expressed this to me before the way she did tonight. There have been times where I've pulled out and she didn't want me to because I was concerned with pregnancy. Something about tonight was different. I really feel like I don't eve know this person anymore. She's become so cold and insensitive but refuses to talk about anything and gaslights me for bringing it up. I don't know if MC would help or not but she has told me on several recent occasions that she doesn't want to talk about our problems that I always talk about the same things. She will then get mad and go to bed. She wakes up the next day like nothing ever happened and just expects me to be happy. If I'm not I get to deal with her asking me what's wrong and "are you gonna be mad and pout all day?"

What it boils down to is she could give two sh1ts about my feelings and I've about had enough of it. I provide all the financial support and I feel like I'm nothing more than a paycheck and a sperm donor to her. 



Loyal Lover said:


> JD, so before you would pull out WITHOUT her asking? So is it fair to say she isn't used to you cumming inside of her?
> 
> If she IS used to it then perhaps, partially because of the pregnancy hormones maybe, especially given she got sensitive afterwards, she was in a bad mood or something.
> In which case, she needs a reminder to think before she speaks. I myself have made some slightly cold comments right after sex that I regret because they hurt my SO who was nothing but nice about it. And I was developing a bad habit on blowing steam by letting things out as I felt them at the moment, based on my bad mood, not on how I REALLY felt about them. I would suggest telling your wife to think before she speaks. Ask her if saying what she said, in such an offensive manner to you (her husband whom she loves) in the MIDDLE of sex, making it a bad experience for both of you, was worth it. I'm sure she doesn't want that and somehow I'm sure she doesn't mind your cum inside of her as much as it seemed that night.
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Next time you go down on her do it real good. Just before she climaxes, get up, wipe your mouth off and go into the bathroom and gargle with some Listerine. Then go into the living room and watch some football.
> 
> MMSL. Read it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you crazy?

That would make him a selfish " alpha jerk."
He should treat her even more nicely, take her to expensive restaurants ,give her full body sensual massages, buy flowers for her , be more attentive to her needs , and she might consider 
" allowing " him that privilege.

* / _sarcasm off_ * :rofl:


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Haha, unfortunately for her jerk is gonna be the way to go here. I'm tired of being a meal ticket for a 30 year old woman. Alpha/Beta whatever - some things are about to change. If they don't, she can go live with mommy and daddy. 




Caribbean Man said:


> Are you crazy?
> 
> That would make him a selfish " alpha jerk."
> He should treat her even more nicely, take her to expensive restaurants ,give her full body sensual massages, buy flowers for her , be more attentive to her needs , and she might consider
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

I have found that using sex as a weapon is a very, very bad idea. You must find a way to talk to her, find a new approch. Try Youtube, D Phil, Dr Laura, something, anything. God luck David


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Not even using it as a weapon so much as it's gonna be hard for me to want it now. The game has totally changed now that I know how "gross" sex is to her. 



DavidWYoung said:


> I have found that using sex as a weapon is a very, very bad idea. You must find a way to talk to her, find a new approch. Try Youtube, D Phil, Dr Laura, something, anything. God luck David


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

jd08 said:


> Not even using it as a weapon so much as it's gonna be hard for me to want it now. The game has totally changed now that I know how "gross" sex is to her.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seriously JD, go on Amazon and order _*Married Man's Sex Life *_and read it. Then read it again. Apply the principles therein and within a few months you will see a profound change in her manner towards you.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

This sounds like a sh1t test to me. You should have came inside her anyway. Or pulled out and finished on her face.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I know it's like Forum Etiquette to believe your marriage is a battlefield of sh*t tests and alpha awesomeness,
But honestly,
Your wife is not your enemy. It's highly unlikely that she schemed this all out to test your um, alpha lol.

The facts are that she's:
1. Pregnant
and
2. Not accumstomed to you ejaculating inside of her

I've never been pregnant, but I've been around a lot of pregnant women and they're.... on edge often. They can feel gross, fat, icky, yucky. And having semen leaking out of them all day when it's possible that they can't even see their vaginas, probably isn't a pleasant feeling. She may also feel frustrated about being pregnant, and feels that you are the cause (and you are lol), so her frustration shows by saying what she did.

When your wife feels frustrated, or gross, or upset, your response shouldn't be to pull out and jizz all over her face as suggested. That makes you look foolish. Your wife is the mother of your children. Surely, she deserves more respect than that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Having gone through... No, survived, a wife who has gone through 4 pregnancies, I know that pregnancy can make a woman have odd reactions to mundane things. All in all, even though it should have been done more diplomatically, it sounds like what you are dealing with is just typical temporary pregnancy insanity.
if this becomes the new norm AFTER the baby, well, for me anyway, I couldn't live with it.
Reading her wording of things, attitude, etc, it strikes me that she is much like another TAM members wife. Check out the private members section for a user named MattMatt. His wife has Apergers, and does things that are "odd" like that frequently.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I don't think she schemed it but you don't think the timing of the comments are insensitive? Would you tell that to your husband/bf whatever? 

As far as not being accustomed to ejaculating inside her, we've been together 12 years. Because it isn't the majority doesn't mean it hasnt happened hundreds of times before. 

Oh and it wasn't a problem when she wanted to get pregnant a few months back. 



aribabe said:


> I know it's like Forum Etiquette to believe your marriage is a battlefield of sh*t tests and alpha awesomeness,
> But honestly,
> Your wife is not your enemy. It's highly unlikely that she schemed this all out to test your um, alpha lol.
> 
> ...


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Today she gets up and wants to to hug on me and act like everything is ok.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

jd08 said:


> Today she gets up and wants to to hug on me and act like everything is ok.


That was an opportunity to tell her that what she pulled last night was not ok. So did you call her on it? Or did you hug her back and indulge her?


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Do you know that the penises of tomcats have spikes on them that literally scrape the inside of the female cat's vagina's as he ejaculates.
The tomcats bite the scruff of the female cat in order to stop her from running away during coitus.
The female cats screech bloody murder during the act, and especially during the release.
The female cat will often attack the tomcat after the act. 
Yet they still have an incredibly strong urge to procreate with a tomcat..

I say that to say that you're wife strongly desiring you to ejaculate inside of her when her body was pushing for her to concieve has absolutely no bearing on the way she feels about you ejaculating inside of her when she already is pregnant.
Our "conception" hormones tell us not to give a d*mn about spiked penises, bitten scruff, or semen.

It was insensitive,
But your wife is pregnant, and apparently has a toddler.
I think she deserves a pass of insensitivity somtimes.

My husband surely gives me one
The days prior to my period are challenging for us both
I'm having hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia
And I get cranky, sometimes telling him... "I don't want you around me" when he comes for cuddling.
I just can't stand the body contact.

But because my husband is a man of integrity,
He doesn't respond by jizzing on my face
Nor would he consider that an acceptable way to treat his wife.

He understands the "special" circumstances
And gives me certain allowances.
I so appreciate that.

Doesn't the mother of your children deserve that from you?



jd08 said:


> I don't think she schemed it but you don't think the timing of the comments are insensitive? Would you tell that to your husband/bf whatever?
> 
> As far as not being accustomed to ejaculating inside her, we've been together 12 years. Because it isn't the majority doesn't mean it hasnt happened hundreds of times before.
> 
> Oh and it wasn't a problem when she wanted to get pregnant a few months back.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I told her I wasnt ready and didnt feel like hugging her. 

She asked me why we can't have a good day and puts her hands on my lips to force a smile. 

I'm still not responding to her attempts. Knowing her she will give up soon and start getting mad. She doesnt think she did anything wrong. 




WorkingOnMe said:


> That was an opportunity to tell her that what she pulled last night was not ok. So did you call her on it? Or did you hug her back and indulge her?


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I never said anything about ejaculating on her face. You are getting that from someone else in this thread. 



aribabe said:


> Do you know that the penises of tomcats have spikes on them that literally scrape the inside of the female cat's vagina's as he ejaculates.
> The tomcats bite the scruff of the female cat in order to stop her from running away during coitus.
> The female cats screech bloody murder during the act, and especially during the release.
> The female cat will often attack the tomcat after the act.
> ...


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Don't listen to ari. Or at least read her posts on other threads before you take her seriously.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I wasn't sure who started the "cum on her face" rally,
But I am glad you don't believe that's the way a man behaves towards his pregnant wife.

It sounds like your wife is trying to make up.
When I've said insensitive things to my husband,
He never holds a grudge against me.
He has an open arms policy towards me that I love so much.

If (when?) I falter, or say not so nice things (and I have a "smart" mouth) so that happens lol
He loves me too much to punish me

Sometimes I get defensive when I've done wrong
And that's not good
But even that, he understands
So he let's me grow, often he'll bring it up later explaining what I did wrong but it's not a conversation.
Its him stating the facts for me to think on, and we move on.

So you can drag this issue out over days, she's mad and you're mad. You can give your pregnant wife the silent treatment, disregard her attempts to "fix it", emotionally ignore her.

Or you can do something better.



jd08 said:


> I never said anything about ejaculating on her face. You are getting that from someone else in this thread.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Goodness, I didn't realize I had a cheerleader lol

I hope you're having a nice day WorkingOnMe 

Edit: I didn't realize that you started the "cum on her face" thing WorkingOnMe, that's not good. I know you're a total "alpha" and everything. But advising a man to ejaculate on the face of his frustrated, pregnant wife, is absolutely terrible advice.



WorkingOnMe said:


> Don't listen to ari. Or at least read her posts on other threads before you take her seriously.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She didn't feel icky or yucky or fat enough to push him away when he was going down on her. 

She's selfish. Quit trying to sugarcoat what she did. 

He deserves a nice, long, wet hummer from her, then he can go back to being her man-b!tch.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Unless my husband has been doing it ALL wrong the past few years,
Oral sex has never left me leaking with semen lol
Or any other thick, viscous fluid for that matter

She clearly didn't have an issue with enjoying sex with him, she simply didn't want to have semen leaking from her afterwards. I don't always want it leaking from me and i'm not pregnant.

Though I suppose if you're super alpha, a woman depriving herself of your semen is just being a callous, selfish, b*tch though.
So yeah, there's always that possibilty.



bandit.45 said:


> She didn't feel icky or yucky or fat enough to push him away when he was going down on her.
> 
> She's selfish. Quit trying to sugarcoat what she did.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

JWilliams said:


> I quite often use a condom with my wife. She can't get pregnant, she just doesn't like leaking or the way she smells the next day.


Well, it's good that you can adjust to her preferences in stride and not feel offended or left out.

But, honestly, I am hard-pressed to think of a more selfish way to behave than tell you your pleasure is not worth having to go to the toilet and spend a few moments cleaning up.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

And isnt this the epitome of so many marital problems. Female has sex to get pregnant and when that happen they are no longer interested in a satisfying sex life with their spouse. 



aribabe said:


> Do you know that the penises of tomcats have spikes on them that literally scrape the inside of the female cat's vagina's as he ejaculates.
> The tomcats bite the scruff of the female cat in order to stop her from running away during coitus.
> The female cats screech bloody murder during the act, and especially during the release.
> The female cat will often attack the tomcat after the act.
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

aribabe said:


> He understands the "special" circumstances
> And gives me certain allowances.
> I so appreciate that.
> 
> Doesn't the mother of your children deserve that from you?


I know this wasn't at me, but I'm going to weigh in anways.

There are special circumstances where insensitivity can get a pass, but by definition as "special" they are far and few in between.

IMO, a normal pregnancy and periods do not merit "special dispensation". They are not illnesses. It's something you should learn to deal with. I make no secret of the fact that I will not tolerate the pregnant princess or period princess.

Likewise, I would not expect my partner to tolerate rude or abusive behavior from me if I had the flu or a toothache.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

jd08 said:


> And isnt this the epitome of so many marital problems. Female has sex to get pregnant and when that happen they are no longer interested in a satisfying sex life with their spouse.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh they want a fulfilling sex life...

Just not with their husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

And these differences of opinion are why we all have to marry men/women that are compatible with us.

My periods (the days before it starts actually) are special circumstances to me, and they are therefore special circumstances to husband.

If they are not special to you,
that's absolutely ok I believe.

But if your wife asked for leniency during something she considered to be a special circumstance, i do hope that you would give it to her .



DTO said:


> I know this wasn't at me, but I'm going to weigh in anways.
> 
> There are special circumstances where insensitivity can get a pass, but by definition as "special" they are far and few in between.
> 
> ...


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

jd08 said:


> I would say, on average, cumming inside her isnt the norm. The only reason I pulled out before was for contraception purposes. She has never expressed this to me before the way she did tonight. There have been times where I've pulled out and she didn't want me to because I was concerned with pregnancy. Something about tonight was different.


Well of course something is different. She's pregnant and your sperm has no purpose to her now. You said it yourself - when she was fertile she did not want you to pull out.

I had a couple of dogs that conceived quite some time ago (tangent: female was fertile immediately after finishing prior cycle - did not know that could happen). They were frisky, then she would be agressive towards him trying to come around behind her once she was pregnant. See the parallels?


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

jd08 said:


> Literally while I'm inside her she says "don't cum inside me, it's gross."


I would not put up with it. My ex, while pregnant, tried to claim she did not want to get a UTI. Mind you, she had one only once during our entire marriage, but of course it had to be my doing and I had to pay. I let her know exactly how I felt about that.

*Maybe you should tell your wife that you have converted to Judaism, and now she has to sleep on the couch during her period. Because it's gross.* (I am certainly not kidding; this is what observant Jews do).


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

She asked you not to ejaculate inside of her
Is ejaculating inside of her the epitome of your sex life, to you?
It's totally ok if it is
But if it is, she deserved to know that before you married her and got her pregnant..... twice.

Now if she's not having sex with you at all, or very rarely.That's different. And could have many reasons as to why.
Is that the case?



jd08 said:


> And isnt this the epitome of so many marital problems. Female has sex to get pregnant and when that happen they are no longer interested in a satisfying sex life with their spouse.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

jd08 said:


> JWilliams, the timing of the comment is what got me more than anything. I mean yeah it pisses me off that she is rejecting the act of unprotected sexual intercourse with me but to do so right in the middle is a dagger.


Yeah, that is terribly rude and dismissive, and she's insensitive for doing it at that time.

You know what's even more rude and dismissive? That she expects you to blow it off and put on your happy face.

These do not seem to be sexual issues. They seem to be rooted in a lack of respect for your needs and perspective. This needs to be addressed outside the sexual realm, from the perspective of "you need to get that my needs and wants matter as much as yours".


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sounds like hes doing it wrong. all the women I every gave oral to were very wet and lot of fluid leaking out ......just saying

but what ever works for you I guess.




aribabe said:


> Unless my husband has been doing it ALL wrong the past few years,
> Oral sex has never left me leaking with semen lol
> Or any other thick, viscous fluid for that matter
> 
> ...


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I don't know, to me "sex life" equates to having sex. I don't know what it means to you. 



aribabe said:


> She asked you not to ejaculate inside of her
> Is ejaculating inside of her the epitome of your sex life, to you?
> It's totally ok if it is
> But if it is, she deserved to know that before you married her and got her pregnant..... twice.
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I'm so pissed today and she's feeling it. She's starting to get frustrated. I know it's not the way to handle this and it's going
to make me more miserable but I can't help it right now. I'll read MMSL though I think I already understand the advice from being on this board. I'm not in bad physical shape but I could be better. I consider myself attractive physically and socially Once I get over this I'm done letting her determine my happiness in life for awhile. Wherever that leads us is where I will go. This sh1t is ridiculous
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

So it's safe to assume that you produce a lot of saliva?

or that you give oral with your penis? 
:rofl:



chillymorn said:


> sounds like hes doing it wrong. all the women I every gave oral to were very wet and lot of fluid leaking out ......just saying
> 
> but what ever works for you I guess.


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Jdo8

I feel your pain bro. While my wife would never do this; no amount of special circumstances give anyone the right to cause that kind of emotional abuse. 

As much of a fireball as mine use to be; that would be totally unacceptable behavior. Only palpable remorse and contrition would garner forgiveness. If she was unwilling to admit her hurtfulness; I would feel just like you.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

aribabe said:


> So it's safe to assume that you produce a lot of saliva?
> 
> or that you give oral with your penis?
> :rofl:


I'm sorry that you've never received good enough oral sex to cause you to produce vaginal fluids.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Well, I mean, yeah it could be that
Could be that women don't produce semen
Really though, I suppose know's for certain 



larry.gray said:


> I'm sorry that you've never received good enough oral sex to cause you to produce vaginal fluids.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I think this is a tricky situation TBH, and having 3 kids with the wife has given me some experience dealing with pregnancy. Right now, I think the OP's wife is not thinking clearly 100% of the time now due to hormones. So it is valid to assume that some of the insensitivity is due to her feeling like crap. Also, being in the first trimester is the worst time for hormones being outta wack.

But I will say that the bigger issue is how sex is viewed between the two of them. OP is upset over his wife about the comment. However, it is also interesting that the OP has denied his wife the act of ejaculating inside her too, which has also occurred in the middle of sex. So to me this is a breakdown of communication. Since my wife and I were married, I always ejaculate inside her. We both like the bare feeling better, and internal jizz shots are a part of our intimacy. We had sex this morning and I ejaculated inside my wife. It's how we roll.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I thought that's how most married couples rolled? Am I missing something?

I don't understand the pregnancy hormone thing. To me, once she allows sex to begin my assumption is she's ok with letting it finish. 



Plan 9 from OS said:


> I think this is a tricky situation TBH, and having 3 kids with the wife has given me some experience dealing with pregnancy. Right now, I think the OP's wife is not thinking clearly 100% of the time now due to hormones. So it is valid to assume that some of the insensitivity is due to her feeling like crap. Also, being in the first trimester is the worst time for hormones being outta wack.
> 
> But I will say that the bigger issue is how sex is viewed between the two of them. OP is upset over his wife about the comment. However, it is also interesting that the OP has denied his wife the act of ejaculating inside her too, which has also occurred in the middle of sex. So to me this is a breakdown of communication. Since my wife and I were married, I always ejaculate inside her. We both like the bare feeling better, and internal jizz shots are a part of our intimacy. We had sex this morning and I ejaculated inside my wife. It's how we roll.


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

> I have found that using sex as a weapon is a very, very bad idea. You must find a way to talk to her, find a new approch. Try Youtube, D Phil, Dr Laura, something, anything.


It's not about using it as a "weapon". It is about not accepting "table scraps" or crumbs, and acting like you're happy about it. Starts things down a bad road. If she believes you're happy with less than the best, it gives her no incentive or desire to be her best. 

It's also not about showing anger about it. Stay calm, but create some distance. When she throws that table scrap or crumb on the floor, sniff it, turn and walk away as though you are a prime rib man. You want "the best" and won't settle for less. And that doesn't mean beg for the best, get angry, defensive, or any such thing. It means to confidently reject less than her best, and go about your business.



> I know it's like Forum Etiquette to believe your marriage is a battlefield of sh*t tests and alpha awesomeness,
> But honestly,
> Your wife is not your enemy. It's highly unlikely that she schemed this all out to test your um, alpha lol.


Remember...not all (or even most) chit tests are consciously given. She didn't have tp plan this out, or even think about it. But here are the facts....she did two things that she'd NEVER do to a man she was trying to impress, or who she had very high attraction to, if she thought she'd be called on it or that it would put her in a poor light in his eyes....she rejected him, AND she did it rudely. She KNEW it was wrong, and did it anyway. Because she thought she could get away with it (for whatever reason, she felt confident she could treat him this way without repercussion). 

Call it what you will, but that is behavior that needs to be addressed. And it doesn't need to be some big, drama type thing. Just pull back a little. When she asks why, TELL HER in a calm, non-aggressive, matter of fact manner. She rejected you...she did it at a bad time...and she did it rudely, AND you are not going to be okay with that. You wouldn't do it to her, and you won't accept it from her.

That's it. Leave emotion out of it (it will only make you look weak).


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

aribabe said:


> She asked you not to ejaculate inside of her
> Is ejaculating inside of her the epitome of your sex life, to you?
> It's totally ok if it is
> But if it is, she deserved to know that before you married her and got her pregnant..... twice.
> ...


*face palm* Seriously? This is STUPIDITY. Intercourse, usually, involves a man ejaculating inside of the woman's vagina. There's absolutely no reason to "talk" about that before marriage. Most everyone knows that this is how things happen.

Seriously. You could try giving the men here a bit more credit than you have.


----------



## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

Ummm...ok...I don't know why everyone jumps to the awful conclusions they jump to. 

JD, if it is any consolation, during my pregnancies I could not STAND for my husband to kiss me on the mouth, lick or suck my nipples, or finger me. There was something about his scent and the feeling of his mouth and I would literally vomit from a French kiss. Then, one day his father came to give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and boom! I threw up again. Men just ugh turned my stomach while I was pregnant. Then I gave birth and it went away almost instantly. It was bizarre. Would you have told my husband I was craving some other man's semen? 

Now, your wife's timing was HORRIBLE. If I could, I'd give her noggin a good smack. Her hormones are out of whack, so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt but she had no right to say that to you at that point in time, in that manner. 

Please sit down and tell her straight out WHY it was hurtful to you. Assume she doesn't understand where you're coming from. Technically you don't understand what it's like to be pregnant so...give it a shot.  

For some women, pregnancy is like 9 months of PMS. It certainly was for me. I was hysterical half the time. The more I tried to get myself under control, the more I would freak out. Started bawling because I forgot the ham on a major holiday. I had 30 people comforting me and I felt ridiculous but I couldn't stop. Awful. Worth it, but awful lol.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

jd08 said:


> I thought that's how most married couples rolled? Am I missing something?
> 
> I don't understand the pregnancy hormone thing. To me, once she allows sex to begin my assumption is she's ok with letting it finish.


That's how most couples roll. My wife is 12 weeks pregnant right now and nothing of this nature has ever been mentioned. 

If we are active at night, she'll usually clean up 1/2 to 1 hour later. If it is in the morning when we wake up, she'll rinse extra well in the shower and that is all.


----------



## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> *face palm* Seriously? This is STUPIDITY. Intercourse, usually, involves a man ejaculating inside of the woman's vagina. There's absolutely no reason to "talk" about that before marriage. Most everyone knows that this is how things happen.
> 
> Seriously. You could try giving the men here a bit more credit than you have.


Say what?! Half the fun in sex is finding new places to put the semen! Or during the post coital bliss, wondering how it ended up on your shoulder AND ankle!


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> sounds like hes doing it wrong. all the women I every gave oral to were very wet and lot of fluid leaking out ......just saying
> 
> but what ever works for you I guess.





larry.gray said:


> I'm sorry that you've never received good enough oral sex to cause you to produce vaginal fluids.



Woohoo! Mine's doing it right! It ain't saliva, that much I know.


----------



## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Do you know that the penises of tomcats have spikes on them that literally scrape the inside of the female cat's vagina's as he ejaculates.


I don't even want to know how you figured this out.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

C2W

Lol,
I have to say you're feisty
As a feisty chick myself , I can certainly appreciate that in a woman

You're little misguided sometimes,
But you're passionate and I really like that.

I don't know who it was for sure (I think it was you, maybe? may have been Maricha75)
But someone told me there is no common sense in sex
Everything, (clit biting included apparently)
Should be discussed.
If he feels that not being allowed to ejaculate inside of her makes the act incomplete, or unfulfilling to him. That should have certainly been discussed before marriage, and two pregnancies.

My husband would not sure that sentiment, he likes to finish on my bottom. 




Created2Write said:


> *face palm* Seriously? This is STUPIDITY. Intercourse, usually, involves a man ejaculating inside of the woman's vagina. There's absolutely no reason to "talk" about that before marriage. Most everyone knows that this is how things happen.
> 
> Seriously. You could try giving the men here a bit more credit than you have.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Are you serious or are you just trolling and hijacking my thread?



aribabe said:


> C2W
> 
> Lol,
> I have to say you're feisty
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Yeah,
It's probably best that you don't know lol



kindi said:


> I don't even want to know how you figured this out.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Your husband is an outlier aribabe then. Please don't take it as a slight of him, it's just that he's in the minority in feeling that way.

The "norm" would be to want to finish inside the vagina during intercourse. Most sexually active women would know that.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I'm not sure which part you're questioning specifically,

But I'm serious about all that I wrote

On a side note though, you're not nearly important enough to me to make me want to "hijack" your thread.
Sorry 



jd08 said:


> Are you serious or are you just trolling and hijacking my thread?
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

AnnieAsh said:


> Say what?! Half the fun in sex is finding new places to put the semen! Or during the post coital bliss, wondering how it ended up on your shoulder AND ankle!


Fun, yes... but generally, MOST people assume that at LEAST half the time when having sex, he cums inside the vigina.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Not important enough for you - oh no. How will I sleep tonight?



aribabe said:


> I'm not sure which part you're questioning specifically,
> 
> But I'm serious about all that I wrote
> 
> ...


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Wellll at least that where it will ALWAYS end up during PIV. When we're doing other things is when it will end up all over.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Lol
Well how would I know that?
I hope you sleep well though.
I will 



jd08 said:


> Not important enough for you - oh no. How will I sleep tonight?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Ok back on topic. I appreciate the responses everyone has given me. Most have confirmed that its not unreasonable for me to be upset and I AM very upset right now. 

I've tried the talking about it thing and don't make much progress. She wants me to put a happy face on and forget about it. She doesn't understand how that remark could make me so upset.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

He may be actually...
He's a special guy :smthumbup:

But i do believe that if a man feels unfulfilled if he is not able to ejaculate inside of her, that should be discussed.

Women can have many different views regarding semen and if she's a "i don't like semen leaking from me" type of woman 
and he's a "i'm unhappy if i can't finish inside" type of guy
That'll never work.

And if he is that type of guy
She certainly deserved to know it

My husband is not
He'd much rather finish on my bottom than inside
which is A-OK with me
So not trying to get pregnant lol



larry.gray said:


> Your husband is an outlier aribabe then. Please don't take it as a slight of him, it's just that he's in the minority in feeling that way.
> 
> The "norm" would be to want to finish inside the vagina during intercourse. Most sexually active women would know that.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

We've been together 12 years and married for 6. It's never come up before. I don't know why you are insinuating that her spontaneous hatred of semen in her vagina (a natural sex act) could have somehow been avoided by a premarital discussion. 



aribabe said:


> He may be actually...
> He's a special guy :smthumbup:
> 
> But i do believe that if a man feels unfulfilled if he is not able to ejaculate inside of her, that should be discussed.
> ...


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

If it is spontaneous, and i accept that

I don't understand why you are taking it as a personal insult instead of an equally spontaneous response to hormonal changes during her pregnancy.

She is typically fine with semen in he vagina
She is pregnant and now she is not fine with it

The only variable that has changed is her pregnancy

It may serve you well to recognize that



jd08 said:


> We've been together 12 years and married for 6. It's never come up before. I don't know why you are insinuating that her spontaneous hatred of semen in her vagina (a natural sex act) could have somehow been avoided by a premarital discussion.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Aribabe: I think much of your response is based on seeing parallels between jd's wife and your behavior induced by hormones. You seem to be taking this as a personal attack in the way you're responding.

That leads me to ask a couple of questions: 

Are you apologetic to your husband afterwards?

You're obviously self aware if this; why aren't you working on saying "wait a minute, I'm being unreasonable and I need to take a breath and knock this crap off?"


----------



## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

DTO said:


> Yeah, that is terribly rude and dismissive, and she's insensitive for doing it at that time.
> 
> You know what's even more rude and dismissive? That she expects you to blow it off and put on your happy face.
> 
> These do not seem to be sexual issues. They seem to be rooted in a lack of respect for your needs and perspective. This needs to be addressed outside the sexual realm, from the perspective of "you need to get that my needs and wants matter as much as yours".


She doesn't expect me to blow it off. It doesn't bother me as long as I get my needs handled also. Which I am. 

Our marriage has been getting a lot better. We just spent 4 days in Vegas together for a business summit and all I can say is that everything has changed completely. 

She even stated she likes our new marriage.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Aribabe: I think much of your response is based on seeing parallels between jd's wife and your behavior induced by hormones. You seem to be taking this as a personal attack in the way you're responding.
> 
> That leads me to ask a couple of questions:
> 
> ...


Wait... 

You mean link a chain of thoughts together in a linear and logical order?

You don't know how women think do you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

She didn't mind it when we had sex a couple weeks ago. She was pregnant then. Just stop digging yourself a hole. I'm done with responding. You can keep going if you want. 



aribabe said:


> If it is spontaneous, and i accept that
> 
> I don't understand why you are taking it as a personal insult instead of an equally spontaneous response to hormonal changes during her pregnancy.
> 
> ...


----------



## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

jd08 said:


> Oh I pulled out and just blankly stared at her for a good 15-20 seconds. It was awkward. Then she got mad at me. Guess I hurt her feelings. Trust me, I wish she loved it too but it looks like that isn't the case.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The timing was bad and it was def a little bit rude but honestly, I wouldn't get your panties in a tizzy over it.

She's still having sex with you, look at it that way.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> If it is spontaneous, and i accept that
> 
> I don't understand why you are taking it as a personal insult instead of an equally spontaneous response to hormonal changes during her pregnancy.
> 
> ...


Perhaps it was the sudden statement of "it's gross" that got him upset? Perhaps she didn't have that problem with the last pregnancy so he would not think it would happen with THIS one? Before you jump on me about each pregnancy being different, I'm well aware of that fact. I've had 4 pregnancies of my own. Each was SLIGHTLY different, but never to the point that I ever said anything so hurtful to my husband. Again, if she never said such hurtful things before, why would he expect them NOW? While yes, he should expect fluctuations in hormones, he should NOT expect that his wife to be so callous.

In your own words: It may serve you well to recognize that.


----------



## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> I also think it has to do with her pregnancy, hormones changing, etc. You could try anal with her instead?


Can you please stop talking about anal every time you post like it's the solution to all of life's problems? 



She doesn't want cum inside her so I'm sure she'll just be chomping at the bit for a **** in her ass.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Wait...
> 
> You mean link a chain of thoughts together in a linear and logical order?
> 
> ...


Hey now! I thought we were friends! I can link my thoughts together in a linear and logical order!


----------



## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

jd08 said:


> I appreciate the advice.
> 
> There isn't another man. I can be sure of that.
> 
> ...


Let me know how that works out for you.

If she really doesn't want to be sleeping with you, you just gave her the green light.

I wouldn't do this if I were you.


----------



## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

jd08 said:


> I told her I wasnt ready and didnt feel like hugging her.
> 
> She asked me why we can't have a good day and puts her hands on my lips to force a smile.
> 
> I'm still not responding to her attempts. Knowing her she will give up soon and start getting mad. She doesnt think she did anything wrong.


This isn't the most mature thing in the universe....

You're setting yourself up for less sex. 

Tell her it's not OK and then move on with your life.


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

AnnieAsh said:


> Say what?! Half the fun in sex is finding new places to put the semen! Or during the post coital bliss, wondering how it ended up on your shoulder AND ankle!


Oh, I agree. No worries. I don't care where his semen ends up at the end, just so long as it's IN or ON _me_ and not someone else. 

My response was in outrage when someone suggested that the OP should have "talked" to his wife about wanting to ejaculate inside of her before they ever tied the knot. THAT, imo, is ridiculous.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

aribabe said:


> And these differences of opinion are why we all have to marry men/women that are compatible with us.
> 
> My periods (the days before it starts actually) are special circumstances to me, and they are therefore special circumstances to husband.
> 
> ...


Spare me, really. So now women are supposed to be treated differently due to "special circumstances"?

The only thing I ask is if it looks like I am getting frustrated or pissed off just leave me alone. I do the same for male partners when they are grumpy.

There is no such thing as a "special circumstance" that allows partners to talk to and treat each other like dirt.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Maybe I did give her the green light. If she takes this as an invitation not to have sex then at least I'll know where things stand instead of playing childish games like being asked not to cum in her because it's gross. 

I'm not giving her the very same sexual pleasure that she has willfully denied to me with her selfishness. 




LittleBird said:


> Let me know how that works out for you.
> 
> If she really doesn't want to be sleeping with you, you just gave her the green light.
> 
> I wouldn't do this if I were you.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

aribabe said:


> C2W
> 
> Lol,
> I have to say you're feisty
> ...


Yeah, I am passionate. And sorry, but thinking that a man and woman need to discuss where his semen will go each time they have sex before they get married...THAT is misguided. And...just...nonsensical. 



> I don't know who it was for sure (I think it was you, maybe? may have been Maricha75)
> But someone told me there is no common sense in sex
> Everything, (clit biting included apparently)
> Should be discussed.


Yeah, positions, porn, anal sex, oral sex, bondage, using teeth on various body parts, nibbling....THOSE things should be discussed. Personal preferences on things like frequency and other sexual acts and how to spice things up, boundaries...yes, those need to be discussed. 

But where the semen goes? Whether or not the man will be "allowed" to ejaculate inside of her? Nonsense. If she doesn't want the semen inside of her after sex, she can go take a pi$$ after ward, or take a shower. Gravity works. 



> If he feels that not being allowed to ejaculate inside of her makes the act incomplete, or unfulfilling to him. That should have certainly been discussed before marriage, and two pregnancies.


The issue is that most people _know_ that sex involves a man ejaculating inside his woman. Or on his woman. If she didn't want to be ejaculated inside of, she shouldn't have gotten married. 



> My husband would not sure that sentiment, he likes to finish on my bottom.
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"Liking" to finish on a body part isn't the same as never wanting to finish inside of the woman. If my husband had to choose between my mouth, my vagina and some other body part, he would always choose my vagina. Always. And as naive and inexperienced as I was when he and I got together, I understood that sex included semen being shot into my vagina most of the time. And, guess what? I didn't need my husband to sit down and treat me like I was twelve; I _knew_ what sex included. No discussion was needed. 

Honestly this whole thing about talking about where the semen should go is not only insulting to the OP, but his wife as well. How stupid do you think she is?


----------



## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

jd08 said:


> Maybe I did give her the green light. If she takes this as an invitation not to have sex then at least I'll know where things stand instead of playing childish games like being asked not to cum in her because it's gross.
> 
> I'm not giving her the very same sexual pleasure that she has willfully denied to me with her selfishness.
> 
> ...


5th grade eye for an eye, push and shove playground tactics don't usually solve problems.

It was rude HOW she told you and WHEN she told you.

But if she decides, for whatever reason, she doesn't want you cumming inside her....are you still going to keep the attitude when she tells you about it? I understand she wounded your ego but allowing it to be a detriment to your sex life as a whole is not wise.

You can call her rude, yes. But selfish is a bit of a stretch. It's not a God given right to cum inside her, this is something you need to talk to her about. There is probably a feeling behind it.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

OT but I just have to ask, how many women are walking around with semen dripping out of them. OMG I am pissing myself laughing over here.

Aribabe thanks for the entertainment. Oh and the scratchy cat penis story is pure gold, cheers.


----------



## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Holland said:


> OT but I just have to ask, how many women are walking around with semen dripping out of them. OMG I am pissing myself laughing over here.
> 
> Aribabe thanks for the entertainment. Oh and the scratchy cat penis story is pure gold, cheers.


Normally, I don't see a problem with this. Lol.

But it kinda makes sense when someone really isn't in the mood to begin with and just comply to be a good/hubby wife and not to be "selfish" and ignore their spouse's needs.

So say you agree to the sex, he cums inside, then you have to get up and go clean up....in addition to sleeping on a wet spot.

Mmm, fun.

:lol:


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Holland said:


> OT but I just have to ask, how many women are walking around with semen dripping out of them. OMG I am pissing myself laughing over here.
> 
> Aribabe thanks for the entertainment. Oh and the scratchy cat penis story is pure gold, cheers.


That's what I was thinking too. I have never had semen "drip" out of me except right afterwards when I'm in the shower or urinating. Otherwise.......it's just me dripping out of there.


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

LittleBird said:


> Normally, I don't see a problem with this. Lol.
> 
> But it kinda makes sense when someone really isn't in the mood to begin with and just comply to be a good/hubby wife and not to be "selfish" and ignore their spouse's needs.
> 
> ...


Law a towel down to catch whatever does leak.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

It's not just a "detriment" but literally shakes the entire foundation of our sex life. What we are talking about is the most basic sexual act, one which in my opinion should be unquestioned in a marriage unless there are medical issues or some other extenuating circumstances. 

Now every time we have sex I am going to have to think about whether I'm really committing an act that is grossing my wife out. How would that make you feel? 

She won't talk to me about it so I'm kinda in the dark over here. 



LittleBird said:


> 5th grade eye for an eye, push and shove playground tactics don't usually solve problems.
> 
> It was rude HOW she told you and WHEN she told you.
> 
> ...


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

You know, I am truly in shock at the uproar over a man wanting to cum inside his WIFE'S vagina. It really is perplexing that people actually think that whether or not he cums inside is needed to be discussed before marriage. I can understand occasionally not wanting it. But to say "it's gross"? To your husband? Semen is gross? 

No, it wasn't only rude HOW and WHEN she told him... but the excuse she gave... WTF?? And people actually think this is ok??

I agree they need to discuss this. But she shouldn't expect him to just "get over it" because she "is hormonal", she "is pregnant". Screw that. Pregnancy doesn't give ANYONE license to be a b!tch to her spouse. I don't care WHO it is. It's bullsh!t to think that she should be given a pass because of it.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> That's what I was thinking too. I have never had semen "drip" out of me except right afterwards when I'm in the shower or urinating. Otherwise.......it's just me dripping out of there.


I am still laughing. Just the thought of it is funny, I am very immature though  And here was i thinking all these years that the aim of sex was to get as messy as possible.

The only time I get up straight away is if I need to go for a wee, no big deal.
Or after a quickie because we aren't lying around cuddling so yeah it's a bit leaky but that's what the shower was invented for wasn't it? So we don't have to walk around dripping.

Apart from that we are cuddling horizontally so no big deal, and I don't mind the wet patch.


----------



## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

jd08 said:


> It's not just a "detriment" but literally shakes the entire foundation of our sex life. What we are talking about is the most basic sexual act, one which in my opinion should be unquestioned in a marriage unless there are medical issues or some other extenuating circumstances.
> 
> Now every time we have sex I am going to have to think about whether I'm really committing an act that is grossing my wife out. How would that make you feel?
> 
> She won't talk to me about it so I'm kinda in the dark over here.


The truth is, maybe it is grossing her out (for whatever reason.) 

I'd try to be less emotional about this and more practical. 

Not because you don't have a right to your feelings but because two emotional people don't normally solve anything. 

She's pregnant and hormonal. No one is saying roll out the red carpet but she is carrying your child so maybe give her the benefit of the doubt. 

Maybe just ask her if she even wants the sex, period. You may not like the answer but at least it gives you somewhere to go. 

Maybe next time, ask if she would like to use a condom and see what she says.

If you keep acting annoyed, you're just going to piss her off and end up with nothing. You won't have to worry about cumming inside her because their won't be any sex if you can't get her to talk about it. Seriously, you have to be the bigger person at this point- it's clear she doesn't get it. 

She probably doesn't see it as a big deal. If this is the case, your reaction will do nothing but make her think you're having a tantrum.

I'd really try to come off less annoyed and more hurt. Might get through to her.

I wish you luck.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Hey now! I thought we were friends! I can link my thoughts together in a linear and logical order!


You can. C'mon you know I'm a grumpy a$$
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

jd08 said:


> It's not just a "detriment" but literally shakes the entire foundation of our sex life. What we are talking about is the most basic sexual act, one which in my opinion should be unquestioned in a marriage unless there are medical issues or some other extenuating circumstances.
> 
> Now every time we have sex I am going to have to think about whether I'm really committing an act that is grossing my wife out. How would that make you feel?
> 
> She won't talk to me about it so I'm kinda in the dark over here.


JD my appologies, not meaning to laugh in your thread. Honestly I think what your wife said was wrong on so many levels. There is nothing I can think of to say to help you.

It is similar to a story my partner told me about an ex, when she gave him a BJ and spat it out saying how gross it was. He was really hurt and offended. Like he said to me, she could have said beforehand that she doesn't like to swallow or just discreetly not swallowed at the end. But to say it was gross was really saying to him that she thought part of him was gross.

All i can say is get it sorted asap before this grows into a massive problem.


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> You know, I am truly in shock at the uproar over a man wanting to cum inside his WIFE'S vagina. It really is perplexing that people actually think that whether or not he cums inside is needed to be discussed before marriage. I can understand occasionally not wanting it. But to say "it's gross"? To your husband? Semen is gross?
> 
> No, it wasn't only rude HOW and WHEN she told him... but the excuse she gave... WTF?? And people actually think this is ok??
> 
> I agree they need to discuss this. But she shouldn't expect him to just "get over it" because she "is hormonal", she "is pregnant". Screw that. Pregnancy doesn't give ANYONE license to be a b!tch to her spouse. I don't care WHO it is. It's bullsh!t to think that she should be given a pass because of it.


I absolutely agree. She IS being selfish. And not only selfish, but CRUEL. It would be like my husband looking at me in the middle of sex and saying, "I don't want to cum inside of you...your vagina is gross." 

I'd be heartbroken. Devastated.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Created2Write said:


> Law a towel down to catch whatever does leak.


Two words: Flannel sheets


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> I absolutely agree. She IS being selfish. And not only selfish, but CRUEL. It would be like my husband looking at me in the middle of sex and saying, "I don't want to cum inside of you...your vagina is gross."
> 
> I'd be heartbroken. Devastated.


Thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Two words: Flannel sheets


LOL, that's always an issue with me when I'd dead tired and he wants sex.

I'm OCD and I can't sleep on sheets that have any sort of visible spot on them. 

Normally I change the sheets after sex but not int the middle of the night cause he's usually already passed out. 

:lol:


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Yeah it's the kind of comment that I would expect from a teenager having sex for the first time, not a 30 year old woman. Unreal. 




Holland said:


> JD my appologies, not meaning to laugh in your thread. Honestly I think what your wife said was wrong on so many levels. There is nothing I can think of to say to help you.
> 
> It is similar to a story my partner told me about an ex, when she gave him a BJ and spat it out saying how gross it was. He was really hurt and offended. Like he said to me, she could have said beforehand that she doesn't like to swallow or just discreetly not swallowed at the end. But to say it was gross was really saying to him that she thought part of him was gross.
> 
> All i can say is get it sorted asap before this grows into a massive problem.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

jd08,

I honestly don't get why it's easier for a man to believe that his wife hates him than it is for him to believe she's a woman going through normal hormonal fluctuations of pregnancy.

That truly baffles me

How you treat the mother of your children is a greater reflection on you than i think you realize.

But i do wish you all the best hun.
I hope you have a fab evening 


jd08 said:


> She didn't mind it when we had sex a couple weeks ago. She was pregnant then. Just stop digging yourself a hole. I'm done with responding. You can keep going if you want.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> LOL, that's always an issue with me when I'd dead tired and he wants sex.
> 
> I'm OCD and I can't sleep on sheets that have any sort of visible spot on them.
> 
> ...


Well, as C2W said: use a towel. Towel gets the "leakage" and you can take the thing off the bed before going to sleep. Really, it's not very complicated. 
Even in the middle of the night. You can have a towel or two beside the bed and slip it under you. Seriously, why make it so complicated??


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Wonder if she has some unreasonable fvcked up idea like he's going to jizz all over junior's head?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Well, as C2W said: use a towel. Towel gets the "leakage" and you can take the thing off the bed before going to sleep. Really, it's not very complicated.
> Even in the middle of the night. You can have a towel or two beside the bed and slip it under you. Seriously, why make it so complicated??


Precisely. It isn't rocket science.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Yes to all of this. 



Created2Write said:


> I absolutely agree. She IS being selfish. And not only selfish, but CRUEL. It would be like my husband looking at me in the middle of sex and saying, "I don't want to cum inside of you...your vagina is gross."
> 
> I'd be heartbroken. Devastated.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Ok, look. Normal pregnancy hormones:

1. Honey, I know you like BJs, and I love giving them to you, but right now, my morning sickness (really all day sickness!) makes my stomach churn at the thought of it.

2. Honey, I am not sure what it is, but I THINK it's our fluids mixing. Something about the smell is just off for me right now. Could you finish on me, instead?

Yea, not EXACTLY like that, I know, but certainly not THIS way:

1. Your d!ck in my mouth makes me want to throw up.

2. I don't want you to finish inside me because it's gross.

Seriously, this whole thing is ridiculous. I think OP has every right to be upset at his wife.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Holland said:


> Spare me, really. So now women are supposed to be treated differently due to "special circumstances"?
> 
> *I think women that want to be given certain allowances for special circumstances should be, absolutely. And some women don't, and that's totally ok too. My husband respects that my period is a difficult time for me and is lenient with me because of it. I love and appreciate that about him.On the other hand, some husband's don't respect that, and some wives don't want to be treated "special" because of their period or their pregnancy. Feminism says we can have it however we want it right* :smthumbup:
> 
> ...


----------



## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

That was an unconsiderate, insensitive thing to say from her part. A woman can tell that to a one night stand guy or someone she dates without serious commitment - but NOT to a husband! I love receiving my H "juices" inside me, or in my mouth. It's one of the best feelings ever. 
I'd say talk to her and find out if she always felt this way or is it something recent. If the lattest, what caused this change ? Maybe she doesn't want to get pregnant? Communication and dialogue is needed. Sorry you had to hear that. Having to wear a condom or pull out at climax when you are married, is just not right.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Hortensia said:


> That was an unconsiderate, insensitive thing to say from her part. A woman can tell that to a one night stand guy or someone she dates without serious commitment - but NOT to a husband! I love receiving my H "juices" inside me, or in my mouth. It's one of the best feelings ever.
> I'd say talk to her and find out if she always felt this way or is it something recent. If the lattest, what caused this change ? *Maybe she doesn't want to get pregnant?* Communication and dialogue is needed. Sorry you had to hear that. Having to wear a condom or pull out at climax when you are married, is just not right.


She's already pregnant.


----------



## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Created2Write said:


> Yeah, I am passionate. And sorry, but thinking that a man and woman need to discuss where his semen will go each time they have sex before they get married...THAT is misguided. And...just...nonsensical.
> 
> Roflmao ! :rofl: Read this to Hubby and we are both laughing :rofl::rofl: so funny
> 
> ...


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Aribabe: I think much of your response is based on seeing parallels between jd's wife and your behavior induced by hormones. You seem to be taking this as a personal attack in the way you're responding.
> 
> *I don't think I'm taking it as an attack, lol, though i am generally pretty blunt in my response (some might say rude ),but i think that's what you're probably picking up.*
> 
> ...


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

jd08 said:


> Literally while I'm inside her she says "don't cum inside me, it's gross."
> 
> Seriously? Dont I have a right to be mad here? It killed the mood and I stopped immediately.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow. Indeed. To me this is a minimum in a marriage as far as sex is concerned. 

This would be a deal breaker for me if it was not worked out.


----------



## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Entropy3000 said:


> Wow. Indeed. To me this is a minimum in a marriage as far as sex is concerned.
> 
> This would be a deal breaker for me if it was not worked out.


That's not an overreaction at all....

Then again I'm quite sure divorce lawyers have heard it all.


----------



## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> She's already pregnant.


Oh. Missed that. Then maye that is the cause for her getting grossed out? Some women develop dislike for how certain things taste, smell, or feel ( in this case) during pregnancy. I haven;t heard of an aversity to cum, but each woman is different. Maybe it's the pregnancy? 
However, that was not a good thing for her to say during sex. She should have brought it up with delicacy in a conversation.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I do think it's important to find out whether this is how she really feels (and perhaps has always felt) or whether it's a hormonal pregnancy thing causing her to be blindly disrespectful.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

jd08 said:


> JWilliams, the timing of the comment is what got me more than anything. I mean yeah it pisses me off that she is rejecting the act of unprotected sexual intercourse with me but to do so right in the middle is a dagger.


The timing might be extreme but in reality that is insignificant.

If this was a segue into you usuing a condom that would tell me there is something else going on.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Fun fact for you: I am a divorce lawyer. 




LittleBird said:


> That's not an overreaction at all....
> 
> Then again I'm quite sure divorce lawyers have heard it all.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

jd08 said:


> Today she gets up and wants to to hug on me and act like everything is ok.


Has she come up to you and asked you to F her like an animal and cum deep inside?

If not nothing has changed.

So it looks like for you depending on pulling out for contraception was a bad idea in many ways.

Not cumming inside your woman almost defeats the whole act. Cumming inside your woman is too important on many levels. You really have not completed the act of sex otherwise. Seriously. Pulling out? WTF? 

Does she give handjobs until you are ready to cum and then stop?

Continuing sex as you are cumming is half the pleasure and again is an incomplete act. So does she hlep you get off or do you have to finish yourself like in the porn movies?


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

aribabe said:


> Do you know that the penises of tomcats have spikes on them that literally scrape the inside of the female cat's vagina's as he ejaculates.
> The tomcats bite the scruff of the female cat in order to stop her from running away during coitus.
> The female cats screech bloody murder during the act, and especially during the release.
> The female cat will often attack the tomcat after the act.
> ...


Bring the love... LOL


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

aribabe said:


> And these differences of opinion are why we all have to marry men/women that are compatible with us.
> 
> My periods (the days before it starts actually) are special circumstances to me, and they are therefore special circumstances to husband.
> 
> ...


Leniency for what sort of behavior?

If she just wanted to lie down and be left alone for a while that would be more than understandable. But to be treated rudely? No.

I'll add that if I was *****y when not feeling good or stressed out my ex would not tolerate it either. She would expect me to still get out there and fulfill my role to the best of my ability. In an equal partnership that works both ways.


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> The truth is, maybe it is grossing her out (for whatever reason.)
> 
> I'd try to be less emotional about this and more practical.
> 
> ...


I agree with the emotion thing. Emotion should be removed from it. If he acts emotional, it will be a set back. I wouldn't even act "hurt". Women, in my experience, even while they may try to "comfort" a male partner they hurt, will lose attraction for a guy who walks around all "butt hurt" all the time and displays too many "feelings". Keep all else relatively equal, but stop pursuing her for sex. It's not about "punishment" or "tit for tat". It is all about not engaging in sex in a way you're not satisfied with just for the sake of getting any kind of sex at all. Confident guys who attract their partners DO NOT accept breadcrumb sex or pity sex. EVER. Confident guys KNOW someone will want to sleep with them, and well, if "this" woman is not the one, there will be another along shortly. That is NOT something to be said, ever, but rather an air of confidence to display. That is done by not accepting pity sex, and then let her worry about why that is. Most guys will (and wind up getting pity sex as the norm). Be different. Don't accept it. She'll sense you're not satisfied, will not settle for less, and will respond. Typically. It is attractive for a woman to see her guy not lowering himself to having sex with the equivelent of "a wet washcloth". If any of the ladies here disagree with that, tell us how you felt about your partner after you've offered pity sex, and he accepted. (BTW, I don't classify bj's, sex when you may not be in the mood, etc., as pity sex. Pity sex starts when a woman disrespects a guy by saying "oh, go ahead" or overtly showing some other form of complete disinterest in the act while allowing it to go through just to "shut him up").

I would go more with a "that disturbed me" type of thing. A wife thinks "my" semen is "gross". To me that points to a problem deeper than simple "cleaning up". I would like to figure out why she feels this part of me is disgusting to her to the point she'd be so insensitive.

Would some of the comments be the same if some guy had sex with his wife, and immediately upon finishing jumped up, rushed to the shower, and told her "sorry, have to wash your juices off of me, it's grossing me out"?

The key here, I believe, is again to REMOVE EMOTION from the situation. Play it matter of factly. She said this, it bothers you, and you want to know why she feels this way, and why she was so inconsiderate about it. If she comes back with a good answer (hormones, being overly sensitive to certain things right now), and it makes sense to you, then DROP IT. You made your point, then let it go (carrying hurt, resentment, or "grudges" is also NOT attractive). But, BUT, wait for her to come back to you. You may have to go without sex for a while, but I'd wait.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

> aribabe
> Member
> 
> 
> ...


Feminism does not say that we can have it however we want it if that means treating others disrepectfully, no way not ever.

Aribabe you have missed the whole issue here, it is not the semen inside that is such a big issue it is how she spoke to him, degraded him. This is never acceptable. If a person does not want a certain act to happen then grow up and talk about it before having sex, not during.

And BTW some of your language is very condecending. Belittling the OP and calling him hun is cringe worthy.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

aribabe said:


> So it's safe to assume that you produce a lot of saliva?
> 
> or that you give oral with your penis?
> :rofl:


Seriously most of the women I have been with have drenched me and very commonly mutli-orasmic. Then they usually want me inside them like right away and to cum inside them. Always seem pretty happy about that as well. I have always considered myself fortunate but I am beginning to think I have been winning the lottery. Who new?


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Holland said:


> And BTW some of your language is very condecending. Belittling the OP and calling him hun is cringe worthy.


That's just how they roll.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

jd08 said:


> She wants me to put a happy face on and forget about it. She doesn't understand how that remark could make me so upset.


That would be option "A". Option "B" is that she gets it but just doesn't give a sh!t how you feel and is pissed because you are (to her) pissing on her parade.

I vote Option "B".


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

jd08 said:


> Fun fact for you: I am a divorce lawyer.


Then stop pulling out. LOL.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Then stop pulling out. LOL.


haha, that's what I said. Just do what you want to do. If she complains after just say you weren't listening to her.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

aribabe said:


> I don't understand why you are taking it as a personal insult instead of an equally spontaneous response to hormonal changes during her pregnancy.


Perhaps because being pregnant does not excuse rudeness during the fact and dismissiveness afterwards?

There are three issues here:

1) She is pregnant and her preferences might have changed.
2) She could not censor herself long enough to not be rude to him during sex.
3) She can't even acknowledge he is justifiably upset, as in he should just get over it and let her have her way.

Pregnancy only excuses the first issue, not the second and certainly not the third. Saying he should eat her sh!t because she is pregnant and gets a free pass on even an apology is ludicrous.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Created2Write said:


> *face palm* Seriously? This is STUPIDITY. Intercourse, usually, involves a man ejaculating inside of the woman's vagina. There's absolutely no reason to "talk" about that before marriage. Most everyone knows that this is how things happen.
> 
> Seriously. You could try giving the men here a bit more credit than you have.


I love intercourse and like to delay ejaculating. However, and I think this is the way it is supposed to be, when I am cumming I am in a very intense place and it is all about cumming inside my wife. I believe our brain knows the difference. You are actually getting that binding moment. Pulling out is not completing the bonding. It is anti-bonding.

Even further if my wife is not cumming at the same time she gets a profound enjoyment in watching my intensity as I cum inside of her. I think this is important to her.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

larry.gray said:


> Your husband is an outlier aribabe then. Please don't take it as a slight of him, it's just that he's in the minority in feeling that way.
> 
> The "norm" would be to want to finish inside the vagina during intercourse. Most sexually active women would know that.


It is darwinian.


----------



## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

I think the amount of outrage towards the wife is nuts. Maybe she didnt say it in the nicest way, and hopefully she is only feeling this way due to pregnancy, but to act like its the only acceptable way to "finish" seems crazy. I like it in sometimes and out others. One thing for sure things are "different" down there, the next morning depending on how you "finished"
Dude, just talk to your wife and dont feel so hurt.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> It is darwinian.


Yep, I'm very well aware of that. When we were trying to get pregnant, the orgasms were even more profound for both of us.

Darn it that we were always so fertile....


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> That's just how they roll.



It's also a good way to get negative attention from a moderator when the OP asks them to stop posting in their thread.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

aribabe said:


> I think women that want to be given certain allowances for special circumstances should be, absolutely. And some women don't, and that's totally ok too. My husband respects that my period is a difficult time for me and is lenient with me because of it. I love and appreciate that about him. On the other hand, some husband's don't respect that, and some wives don't want to be treated "special" because of their period or their pregnancy. Feminism says we can have it however we want it right
> 
> I don't believe a pregnant woman asking her husband not to ejaculate inside if her is treating him like dirt. I truly don't see that at all. But honestly, perception is everything. I've never been a man, or a a pregnant woman. But a dynamic where a woman can't tell her husband not to ejaculate inside of her, for fear of being called callous or selfish, sounds like an awful situation to be in to me.


Hope I got the quoted part right.

Two issues here:

1) I think you are not seeing the forest for the trees. It's not so much about the sex act itself as it is about her rejection of him, the manner in which she did it, and (most importantly IMO) the way she feels he should just suck it up and move on.

2) You admit you feel women should get special dispensation when those "special circumstances" come up. Do you feel that a man deserves the same when he is experiencing "special circumstances", or do you feel the woman in general is entitled to more "slack" in that regard, as in she can get away with stuff that a man cannot?


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Created2Write said:


> Yeah, I am passionate. And sorry, but thinking that a man and woman need to discuss where his semen will go each time they have sex before they get married...THAT is misguided. And...just...nonsensical.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Sending you a virtual HUG for this post.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

jd08 said:


> It's not just a "detriment" but literally shakes the entire foundation of our sex life. What we are talking about is the most basic sexual act, one which in my opinion should be unquestioned in a marriage unless there are medical issues or some other extenuating circumstances.
> 
> Now every time we have sex I am going to have to think about whether I'm really committing an act that is grossing my wife out. How would that make you feel?
> 
> She won't talk to me about it so I'm kinda in the dark over here.


I have stated my feelings. If this was just a comment about how she felt at that moment and has nothing to do with the bigger picture then maybe.

If she were to come back and say, that she loves when you cum in her and that she knows she will again, but she was just feeling that way at that moment ... maybe she can talk her way through this. Otherwise it kinda ruins having sex with her from here on out.

So I hope you work this out.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> You know, I am truly in shock at the uproar over a man wanting to cum inside his WIFE'S vagina. It really is perplexing that people actually think that whether or not he cums inside is needed to be discussed before marriage. I can understand occasionally not wanting it. But to say "it's gross"? To your husband? Semen is gross?
> 
> No, it wasn't only rude HOW and WHEN she told him... but the excuse she gave... WTF?? And people actually think this is ok??
> 
> I agree they need to discuss this. But she shouldn't expect him to just "get over it" because she "is hormonal", she "is pregnant". Screw that. Pregnancy doesn't give ANYONE license to be a b!tch to her spouse. I don't care WHO it is. It's bullsh!t to think that she should be given a pass because of it.


So it has come to this. LOL. The internet seems cluttered with man humiliation. UFB. I am amazed at this stuff. Truly. This is not even a twist of feminism. It is FemDom fetish stuff.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

LittleBird said:


> The truth is, maybe it is grossing her out (for whatever reason.)
> 
> I'd try to be less emotional about this and more practical.
> 
> ...


You are probably right. I agree with most of this. But I am not so sure about the condom. It sets a precedent for one. Ok so baby steps. They are still having sex. But I don't know if I could get past the I am too gross to go bare back aspect. Certainly not for the long haul.

We see how often at least here that sex after a couple of kids can just flat go away. I was thinking that happens afterwards. I remember my wife being horny at three months but that was a long time ago so Idunno.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

DTO said:


> Perhaps because being pregnant does not excuse rudeness during the fact and dismissiveness afterwards?
> 
> There are three issues here:
> 
> ...


Funny thing about my pregnancies... If I had told my husband that, with my hormones all jacked up with the pregnancy, the smell of him and me mixed together was NOT a good combination for me, he would have worn a condom, no problem. And y'all have seen how outspoken I can be... I wouldn't have been rude about it, saying "it's gross" or the like. And I'd have gotten a much more favorable reaction. As it was, during pregnancy, I couldn't stomach giving BJs. I tried a couple times in each trimester. I nearly threw up. I NICELY told him I couldn't do it. Funny thing, that. He understood. Imagine that. I tell my husband something NICELY, even when HORMONAL. So yes, folks, it CAN be done. Don't get me wrong. I can be b!tchy when hormonal. But it is NOT excusable. And he is NOT expected to just "suck it up".


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> You are probably right. I agree with most of this. *But I am not so sure about the condom.* It sets a precedent for one. Ok so baby steps. They are still having sex. But I don't know if I could get past the I am too gross to go bare back aspect. Certainly not for the long haul.
> 
> We see how often at least here that sex after a couple of kids can just flat go away. I was thinking that happens afterwards. I remember my wife being horny at three months but that was a long time ago so Idunno.


Depends, Entropy. If the problem is the mixing of the fluids and being pregnant, it heightens her sense of smell, I could see using a condom. I would try again without, a bit further into the pregnancy, but in the beginning, if that is the issue, I see nothing wrong with it. But I do agree... the "gross" comment is a tough one to get past...


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Depends, Entropy. If the problem is the mixing of the fluids and being pregnant, it heightens her sense of smell, I could see using a condom. I would try again without, a bit further into the pregnancy, but in the beginning, if that is the issue, I see nothing wrong with it. But I do agree... the "gross" comment is a tough one to get past...


My concern would be in whether this was temporary or a change to the marriage.

I will not take this thread on a tangent but I am actually very sensitive to my wifes needs and changes and so on. So I am capable of being compassionate and understanding. Sex is about the two of us. So I get it. The way you have proposed is the proper way.

He needs to find out if his wife is declaring a change to their marriage. That is where I am ... uh ... coming from.


----------



## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

Just pull out...aim for her face...

lol


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> haha, that's what I said. Just do what you want to do. If she complains after just say you weren't listening to her.


LOL. My comment was tongue in cheek.

It was really a veiled reference to "some" Lawyers screwing people and not pulling out.

But I apologize for even thinking this.

He needs to talk it through with her and find out what she really means. This will give her a chance to restate things. Hoepfully she does not blow the chance. Ooops.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> LOL. My comment was tongue in cheek.
> 
> It was really a veiled reference to "some" Lawyers screwing people and not pulling out.
> 
> ...


I forgot to turn on my sarcasm font lol


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

At this point in my life I'd go without before using a condom. I can get a better orgasm by myself.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

You know TAM makes me self reflect sometimes.

Even at wine tastings which I enjoy I tend to drink the wine and not spit in the bucket. Yeah yeah I get that it is about tasting wines and not getting wasted but I guess I am just a finisher. 


It is not how you get started but how you finish.


Dang. But I love foreplay too. 

It's the journey not the destination.

I am conflicted.

Ah. Finish strong. That's the ticket.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> My concern would be in whether this was temporary or a change to the marriage.
> 
> I will not take this thread on a tangent but I am actually very sensitive to my wifes needs and changes and so on. So I am capable of being compassionate and understanding. Sex is about the two of us. So I get it. The way you have proposed is the proper way.
> 
> *He needs to find out if his wife is declaring a change to their marriage.* That is where I am ... uh ... coming from.


This.

I had terrible pregnancies, lots of morning sickness and vomiting. My sense of smell was on over drive, so much so that I had to get other people to get things out of the fridge for me because I would vomit at the smell. 
The smell of my DH was off putting at times but so was the smell of other people including myself.
I could not look at dirt or I would vomit and touching bread made me chuck. Yes a usually sane woman vomiting because of bread.

So yes pregnancy can and does affect women, sometimes to the extreme. 

This is no way gives a free pass to be rude to your spouse or if you have been rude then the very least an apology is in order.

JD it is important to find out if this is going to be the new norm for you or if it is due to a pregnancy related aversion.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> You know TAM makes me self reflect sometimes.
> 
> Even at wine tastings which I enjoy I tend to drink the wine and not spit in the bucket. Yeah yeah I get that it is about tasting wines and not getting wasted but I guess I am just a finisher.
> 
> ...


haha one of my fave sayings in reference to how I live my life is "start how you intend to finish".


----------



## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> At this point in my life I'd go without before using a condom. I can get a better orgasm by myself.


Yikes really? I thought men looked at sex as a chance to bond and feel close? 

I cried when I told my husband the pregnancy was making it hard for me to stand certain smells and textures. He patted me on the back and told me relax, it's only temporary.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

DTO said:


> Leniency for what sort of behavior?
> 
> *Leniency for being insensitive in the way she expressed herself. Not wanting semen inside of her is not something she needs to be given leniency for however, there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.*
> 
> ...


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

AnnieAsh said:


> Yikes really? I thought men looked at sex as a chance to bond and feel close?
> 
> I cried when I told my husband the pregnancy was making it hard for me to stand certain smells and textures. He patted me on the back and told me relax, it's only temporary.


WOM has a point. It IS better without a condom. He's saying "at this stage" because they are done having kids, I believe. Same with my husband and myself. We are done. My tubes are tied. There is no logical reason for me to request a condom and honestly, I prefer sex without one. I always have. But in the early years? Yes. If I had requested he use one, especially during pregnancy, he'd have known there was a very good reason for it lol. Fortunately, there was no need.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

AnnieAsh said:


> Yikes really? I thought men looked at sex as a chance to bond and feel close?
> 
> I cried when I told my husband the pregnancy was making it hard for me to stand certain smells and textures. He patted me on the back and told me relax, it's only temporary.


That's the point. I don't feel close or bonded when wearing a condom. It feels like the kind of sex you have with someone you don't trust, and it's off-putting. To me it's not intimate at all.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Holland said:


> Feminism does not say that we can have it however we want it if that means treating others disrepectfully, no way not ever.
> *
> I don't agree that she was disrespectful. She was insensitive in the way she expressed herself. But the subject of what she expressed, was not the least bit disrespectful. She's pregnant, and this seems to be a one off thing. She tried to make amends and was pushed away instead. *
> 
> ...


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

So maybe your vows should have gone like this :

" I promise to love, honor, cherish and receive your cum each and every thursday at approximately 9:30 pm. All other exploits you shall deliver your load into the shower drain".......

UFB. I cant believe this is a conversation.


p.s. Ari keep your H bc no other man is going to tolerate this shet.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

We did use condoms for a little while at our 4th year married. She had been on the pill for about 10 years and wanted to cycle off from it to put her hormones back in line. So we used condoms for 6 or 7 months. Then one day we were out. But when your wife wakes you up at 2AM because she's horny, well, I guess you throw caution to the wind. That was the first time we ever had sex unprotected. Nine months later we were blessed with the first of 3 boys. Her tubes are tied now, so those days are long gone.


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Sending you a virtual HUG for this post.


Hug for you too!


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Aribabe the only thing I do agree with is this



> and the op being advised to ejaculate on her face in response is 10000% ridiculous.


That is just nasty talk. Maybe the pps that said it were joking but really it is a crappy response.


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> So maybe your vows should have gone like this :
> 
> " I promise to love, honor, cherish and receive your cum each and and every thursday at approximately 9:30 pm. All other exploits you shall deliver your load into the shower drain".......
> 
> ...


I agree.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> So maybe your vows should have gone like this :
> 
> " I promise to love, honor, cherish and receive your cum each and and every thursday at approximately 9:30 pm. All other exploits you shall deliver your load into the shower drain".......
> 
> ...


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

AnnieAsh said:


> Yikes really? *I thought men looked at sex as a chance to bond and feel close?*
> 
> I cried when I told my husband the pregnancy was making it hard for me to stand certain smells and textures. He patted me on the back and told me relax, it's only temporary.


It is very much so. And in all seriousness the act of cumming inside your wife is a very important part of this. And as I said it is NOT a race to the finish. While other sexual acts are fine for variety and for their own sake PIV intercourse while ejacualting inside is the pinnacle of this bonding for most men.

Yes, hopefully the OP has just got this wrong.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

...." CTU whistles.....(((((if I only had a brain".))))):...... wow.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

DTO said:


> Hope I got the quoted part right.
> 
> Two issues here:
> 
> ...


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

That was very rude and hurtful. She won't explain what she meant? I could see a lot if different reasons why she would think it was gross, like her sense of smell is too strong, she thinks it's too. Lose to the baby (weird I know), she doesn't want the leakage. Still what a bad way to say it. 
It sounds like you are already having issues and this doesn't help. It almost sounds like she was trying to hurt you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HaHa (Oct 1, 2010)

Well, I am woman and can see the OP's point. I haven't read every post on here. I don't think the point is that his wife didn't want him to cum in her. It was how and when she phrased it. 

It would hurt my feelings if my husband and I were having sex and he said, "I dont want to cum in you tonight. It's gross." There are ways to articulate sexual preferences and I think his wife just picked the wrong moment and words.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I totally agree

FrenchFry, your advice is always so well rounded.
:smthumbup:




FrenchFry said:


> a) What wife said was at best insensitive and at worst disrepectful. Obviously she had bad timing and has a blunt mouth.
> 
> b)Pregnancy is weird and can cause weird things to happen, including sudden aversions to absolutely normal things like being came inside of.
> 
> ...


----------



## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> How the hell does that happen?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i am taking about in the few months after a very traumatic birth, where i had heaps of tearing and lots of stitches, had this with one baby plus also had one come out with hand next to head and had a small tear but lots of grazing .....

im only talking about maybe up to 5 months after baby, slowly went back to normal


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> As it was, during pregnancy, I couldn't stomach giving BJs. I tried a couple times in each trimester. I nearly threw up. I NICELY told him I couldn't do it. Funny thing, that. He understood. Imagine that. I tell my husband something NICELY, even when HORMONAL. So yes, folks, it CAN be done. Don't get me wrong. I can be b!tchy when hormonal. But it is NOT excusable. And he is NOT expected to just "suck it up".


I'm glad my wife didn't go as long as that with each pregnancy, but she had something similar for the first trimester. 

I do appreciate that she is _nice_ about it, and that she truly wishes she could.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> That's the point. I don't feel close or bonded when wearing a condom. It feels like the kind of sex you have with someone you don't trust, and it's off-putting. To me it's not intimate at all.


I'm blown away by people who make the claim that "it feels the same with a condom." Yeah right. They must have no functioning nerve endings or something. 

Wifey says the same - that to her the difference is huge. I'm very glad we're on the same page on this.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> I'm glad my wife didn't go as long as that with each pregnancy, but she had something similar for the first trimester.
> 
> I do appreciate that she is _nice_ about it, and that she truly wishes she could.


Mine were weird. For each pregnancy, that was the one thing I couldn't do for him. However, sex was a different story. I wanted more, all the time. The only time I DIDN'T want sex during any of the pregnancies was, of course, during the miscarriage I had for the first one, when I bled for a month (4.5months to 5.5months along) with the second pregnancy (first child), and then toward the end when I started bleeding at about 37 weeks with the third pregnancy (second baby). Remarkably, no issues during the last pregnancy lol. 

Anyway, being nice about it is the key. We can't help our aversions during pregnancy. We most certainly CAN help how we present those aversions to others.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Pregnancy #1 and #2 she went crazy horny. She had BAD all day nausea with #2 through the middle of the second trimester so no BJ's at all until after then. Weirdly enough, she didn't get horny at all during #3, but then she had no nausea during that one until she got per-eclampsia at the end.

#4 is shaping up the same as #2.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I just talked to her about it again. Asked her if it had to do with being pregnant she said no. Said she didn't want semen leaking out. I asked if this would be permanent going forward and got a "no." She doesn't understand why I got so upset and doesn't understand why the timing of her comments was improper. So basically confirmed that she was just being a selfish brat which was my initial thought when I posted this last night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

No to both questions. She only has an O from oral or fingering. But she does usually have one and seems or has seemed to enjoy PIV in the past



FrenchFry said:


> This is not meant to be rude, but does your wife typically orgasm from PIV sex?
> 
> Cause if she's sitting there counting ceiling tiles, and if she's more than a little dense, of course she has no idea why the timing would be offensive.
> 
> Is she prone to saying rude things?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

jd08 said:


> I just talked to her about it again. Asked her if it had to do with being pregnant she said no. Said she didn't want semen leaking out. I asked if this would be permanent going forward and got a "no." She doesn't understand why I got so upset and doesn't understand why the timing of her comments was improper. So basically confirmed that she was just being a selfish brat which was my initial thought when I posted this last night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can sort of understand the not wanting it to leak out... KIND OF. But the comment she made... I'd be tempted to ask her how she would feel if you said, while having sex, that you didn't want to go down on her because it smells weird. It amounts to the same thing.


----------



## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

Hi all, please keep on topic. Off-topic posts have been deleted.


----------



## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

You cumming in her and she says it's gross ....... she has her bloody period monthly i wonder how the f**k does she feel about herself during that week EEWWWW ???? 

Sorry to hear you're arguing with her about such a silly thing like cumming inside her ....... an absolutely normal act of " love " that two marrried people should be doing ??? 

Thank goodness my wife feels the exact oppisite from your wife ...... it's an ego booster for my Mrs when I do this since it's like her reward for a job well done !!!!


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Do you know that the penises of tomcats have spikes on them that literally scrape the inside of the female cat's vagina's as he ejaculates.
> The tomcats bite the scruff of the female cat in order to stop her from running away during coitus.
> The female cats screech bloody murder during the act, and especially during the release.
> The female cat will often attack the tomcat after the act.
> ...


How many 'special circumstances' do you allow him? Or is he always supposed to be responsible and not say things which upset you? Is respect one way? If a hubby called his wife a foul name because of a bad or stressful day at the office, would he be cut slack or would it be taken as a mark of epic disrespect?

Hormones shouldn't excuse a lack of civility...or at least an apology AFTER the incivility.


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

aribabe said:


> He may be actually...
> He's a special guy :smthumbup:
> 
> But i do believe that if a man feels unfulfilled if he is not able to ejaculate inside of her, that should be discussed.
> ...



This is actually TOTALLY backwards.

The ASSUMED NORM (you know...like no clit biting) is that a man gets to ejaculate into a woman's vagina. That's the point of the exercise (everything else is just bonus fun. I like bonus fun)

So if a WOMAN has a problem with semen in her vagina, it is incumbent on HER to tell HIM before the marriage, not the other way around.


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

jd08 said:


> We've been together 12 years and married for 6. It's never come up before. I don't know why you are insinuating that her spontaneous hatred of semen in her vagina (a natural sex act) could have somehow been avoided by a premarital discussion.


Sir, from what I've gathered so far (and I haven't finished the thread) is that you are already very much not happy with your wife and this little splash started off a tsunami of resentment which has been building.

Am I wrong?

So this isn't as much a big deal as her prior behavior.


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> 5th grade eye for an eye, push and shove playground tactics don't usually solve problems.
> 
> It was rude HOW she told you and WHEN she told you.
> 
> ...


Um...we've had this talk before. If she insists on a sexual monopoly, she doesn't get to deny services. Interruptions are par for the course.

And that does not mean she gives him a HJ wearing rubber gloves at arm's length. If she insists on that amount of control of 'her' body, then turnabout is fair play.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

JCD said:


> How many 'special circumstances' do you allow him? Or is he always supposed to be responsible and not say things which upset you? Is respect one way? If a hubby called his wife a foul name because of a bad or stressful day at the office, would he be cut slack or would it be taken as a mark of epic disrespect?
> 
> *My husband is a diabetic, who doesn't always manage his sugars in the best way. A Serious Sweet Tooth . When his sugars are up, his personality can change for the worse. I know it's not him, and don't take his irritability personally. If he says something nasty, and tries to make it up to me later with kisses and hugs, I love that. I try not to punish my husband if i can help it. Even after fights, we make love.
> 
> ...




I think what his wife said also needs to be clarified.

Her comment was not: 
"Yuck, your semen is so gross!"
that honestly would've been mean :rofl:

It was:
"It feels gross coming out"
and
"You could've kept going, i just didn't want you to finish inside of me." 

I don't think either of those statements are uncivil.
Her timing could have been better i suppose, though i don't know if there was a way for her to have known she would've have been up for the leakage before hand. The way she said it could have been more diplomatic probably. I don't know if he would have reacted well no matter how she said it though honestly. It seems that his anger stems from her saying she didn't want it inside of her. 

This woman is pregnant, with a toddler. She says no to semen in her vagina "once" because she doesn't want to deal with it leaking out, and that warrants a thread where the woman is called callous, selfish, she hates him lol, hates semen, hate's sex. The husband is jeering everyone on while they degrade his pregnant wife and advise him to ejaculate on her face, deny her affection until she makes recompense, the women believe she has no right to "lenient" treatment as a pregnant and hormonal woman. It's all terribly sad, and honestly, absolutely pathetic that we can all stoop this low.


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I think what his wife said also needs to be clarified.
> 
> Her comment was not:
> "Yuck, your semen is so gross!"
> ...


We are so low on this because read:



jd08 said:


> I just talked to her about it again. Asked her if it had to do with being pregnant she said no. Said she didn't want semen leaking out. I asked if this would be permanent going forward and got a "no." She doesn't understand why I got so upset and doesn't understand why the timing of her comments was improper. So basically confirmed that she was just being a selfish brat which was my initial thought when I posted this last night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



She sees nothing wrong and she has heretofore refused to say 'sorry...that was insensitive to do it the way I did it."

Spouses FREQUENTLY have to suck up apologies they don't mean...even if they are right. She knows he's hurt. She knows he's upset. So...she tries the 'soft sell' apology with the cute girly voice and trying to pry his mouth up.

That doesn't mean 'I'm sorry'. It mean's 'let's act as if I never said anything hurtful to you'.

Which is short hand for 'suck it up'

Now...the OP is a trifle overreacting but I think there are issues he hasn't included in this missive. This is the straw which broke the camel's back.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

JCD said:


> We are so low on this because read:
> 
> She sees nothing wrong and she has heretofore refused to say 'sorry...that was insensitive to do it the way I did it."


How could she have said it that would have been appropriate?
"Babe, I don't want to deal with the semen leakage tonight, sorry"
Would that have been acceptable Jd08? I'm genuinely curious.

It seems to me that the fact that turned "it" down period is the heart of the issue. Not how she said it, but *that* she said it and *when* because it "killed his mood".

If that's the case, she's in a lose/lose.




> Spouses FREQUENTLY have to suck up apologies they don't mean...even if they are right. She knows he's hurt. She knows he's upset. So...she tries the 'soft sell' apology with the cute girly voice and trying to pry his mouth up.
> 
> That doesn't mean 'I'm sorry'. It mean's 'let's act as if I never said anything hurtful to you'.
> 
> Which is short hand for 'suck it up'


I absolutely agree, spouses do have to give apologies they don't mean. And it certainly wouldn't hurt her to say "sorry", if it'll help his feelings. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I don't believe she is saying suck it up, as much as she just genuinely doesn't get it. If my husband pouted for days and got on a message board to belittle me and encourage others to do the same, over me saying I didn't want semen leaking out of me one time while I was pregnant, I truly wouldn't get it either. It's not very likely that i would say sorry either honestly. Or if i did, it would sound as fake as I'd be feeling saying it. 




> Now...the OP is a trifle overreacting but I think there are issues he hasn't included in this missive. This is the straw which broke the camel's back.


Trifle over reacting is a massive understatement, massive.

It could be more though. Often when we're angry about something so silly, it's not really what we're angry about.


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

It is incumbent to communicate with your spouse if you are offended by something.

But it is ALSO incumbent upon the offender to dig out why their spouse is so p.o.ed about something that is inexplicable to them.

If my wife suddenly went postal mad with a silent treatment, I'd ask for, nay, demand an answer to the problem. Because I can't fix it if I don't know what it is. I can't apologize for it, even though apologies are a poor salve to a wounded soul.

But let's be frank: she knows exactly why he's grumpy. She got a full dose of _coitus interruptus_ which generally occurs when a WOMAN makes it happen...or the man dies.

She knows exactly what the trigger is. She may not know WHY this is such a big trigger, but let's not pretend she's some ignorant waif.

She is soft selling this. She wants 'special circumstances' without even asking for special circumstances. Which makes her attitude not particularly special at all.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

JCD said:


> It is incumbent to communicate with your spouse if you are offended by something.


Agreed.



> But it is ALSO incumbent upon the offender to dig out why their spouse is so p.o.ed about something that is inexplicable to them.


I don't deal with the silent treatment from adults. My husband included. If he can't tell me what's wrong, it's clearly not meant for me to know. And i surely won't be hanging on his are saying "please tell me what's wrong, pleeeeeassse" 



> If my wife suddenly went postal mad with a silent treatment, I'd ask for, nay, demand an answer to the problem. Because I can't fix it if I don't know what it is. I can't apologize for it, even though apologies are a poor salve to a wounded soul.


Yeah, not me. If i already know what's wrong, and i know i was wrong. A genuine apology is in order with the expectation that i will try my honest best not to do it again. If i don't know what's wrong and he gives the silent treatment so i can chase him down for an answer, he'll be waiting a looooong time.



> But let's be frank: she knows exactly why he's grumpy. She got a full dose of _coitus interruptus_ which generally occurs when a WOMAN makes it happen...or the man dies.


Absolutely agree
She knows exactly what he is so pouty about and that is precisely why she is so confused.



> She knows exactly what the trigger is. She may not know WHY this is such a big trigger, but let's not pretend she's some ignorant waif.


She clearly doesn't know why it is such a big trigger, neither would I if i were a pregnant woman that just didn't want to deal with semen leaking out of my vagina.

But reading through some of jd08's other threads, it seems as though he and his wife have a practically non existent sex life, that she refuses to talk about or try to deal with.

That is the true trigger i believe, and it seems that he is taking all of his frustrations about their general situation on this very minor incident.

I'm sure if he were getting f*cked by his wife regularly, her not wanting to be leaking with semen once would be a total non-issue, he probably would've pulled out with no issue and does something "naughty" like finish on her bottom or her breasts.

Is that true jd08?

I don't think that his wife understands that it's not actually this incident but the general environment, that has him with his frowny face on 

So she's thinking, "Dude, chill, it's just one time"
And he's thinking, "Not only do i never get sex, i cant even finish in you when i do get it, what a b*tch"



> She is soft selling this. She wants 'special circumstances' without even asking for special circumstances. Which makes her attitude not particularly special at all.


Special circumstances are typically a given, not requested. Pregnant women, women with difficult cycles, my diabetic husband, I treat them special because they are not having a normal hormonal experience. And should be given leniency for something that is totally out of there control.


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I'm still baffled that anyone could think that what she did and said was okay. 

Airbabe, if a woman were to come on this forum and say that, in the middle of sex her husband looked at her and said, "I don't want to cum inside of you. Your vagina is gross", would you say the same thing to the woman? That she needs to suck it up if her feelings were hurt?


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Yeah, not me. If i already know what's wrong, and i know i was wrong. A genuine apology is in order with the expectation that i will try my honest best not to do it again. If i don't know what's wrong and he gives the silent treatment so i can chase him down for an answer, he'll be waiting a looooong time.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


There is no confusion. She knows what. If she is interested, she might ask why. But that is irrelevant to the discussion. She knows she hurt him terribly (men display this in acts of temper frequently) and she hasn't apologized. 

There is nothing else to add. I don't care if she was hormonal. Hormonal gets her off the hook for saying it, not for continuing as if it wasn't hurtful.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Without knowing his and her back story.
I wouldn't have apologized either, certainly not genuinely.
I "may" have said "sorry".
But if he wanted to drag it out for days because I didn't want semen leaking from my vagina one time, he'd be dragging it out all by his lonesome lol.



JCD said:


> There is no confusion. She knows what. If she is interested, she might ask why. But that is irrelevant to the discussion. She knows she hurt him terribly (men display this in acts of temper frequently) and she hasn't apologized.
> 
> There is nothing else to add. I don't care if she was hormonal. Hormonal gets her off the hook for saying it, not for continuing as if it wasn't hurtful.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

jd08 said:


> I just talked to her about it again. Asked her if it had to do with being pregnant she said no. Said she didn't want semen leaking out. I asked if this would be permanent going forward and got a "no." She doesn't understand why I got so upset and doesn't understand why the timing of her comments was improper. So basically confirmed that she was just being a selfish brat which was my initial thought when I posted this last night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I guess you are not a courtroom lawyer.

I find he answer quite ambiguos and am surprised you did not ask her more questions to clarify this. Clear communication is important in a relationship. It beats the heck out of having to ask folks on the internet what she meant. Nothing wrong with looking for advice. Don't get me wrong, but your wife has many of these answers. 

If she said yes to the pregnancy this would have been reasonably good news because you then know it is not about you and more importantly you have a timeline. Win win there. But you got ... a no. Sigh. 

She said she does not want semen leaking out. 

Will this be permanent ... no. Hmmmmm. So then the lawyer should push a bit further for answers. Why does she not think this is permanent? She does not like semen leaking out. There are actually a lot of possible answers to this. Some not so great really. Why does she think her attitude will change about this. Sorry I would have pressed further on this. If she can bring it up while we are having sex then I can press for an explanation.

She could have answered yes to the permanent so I get why you feel that no is a good answer. If you are happy with this answer then wondermous. Far be it for me to rain on this parade but I would have wanted a clearer explanation.

I do find it amazing she does not understand that what she is saying and when she said it is significant. Wow. Just wow. I think it is great some guys get off on what I will call porn sex. But they do the pullout in porn for the money shot. Different strokes for different folks literally, but indeed most men like intercourse to full completion as you do. I cannot help but think needing to pullout before ejaculating is a lesser experience for a couple period.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> I'm still baffled that anyone could think that what she did and said was okay.


What she did and said was ok.
She's pregnant, she doesn't want the sensation of semen leaking from her, her prerogative.
The way she said it, less ok maybe.



> Airbabe, if a woman were to come on this forum and say that, in the middle of sex her husband looked at her and said, "I don't want to cum inside of you. Your vagina is gross", would you say the same thing to the woman? That she needs to suck it up if her feelings were hurt?


If she called his penis gross, and she didn't,
I would think that was unacceptable.
I wouldn't want to have sex with my husband if he called my vagina gross

If she called his semen gross,
I would find that strange, a little funny maybe, and think she was out of line.
If my husband called my vaginal fluids gross, i wouldn't want sex with him

What she called gross, was the sensation of semen leaking out of her
If i produced semen and my husband had to receive that semen into his anus (or some other orifice of his)
I would not find it insulting if he found the sensation to be gross at times when his body is going through hormonal changes.

I love deep kisses with my husband, but i find the saliva exchanging to be so disgusting during my period sometimes, practically make's me want to gag. 

And I've told my husband i find the kisses to be gross during my period.
He's never disrespected, belittled, or disparaged me for it. I can not control how i feel about certain sensation when my body is being whacky.

With all of that said however,

I don't believe that any of this has to do with what jd08 is upset about.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Ejaculation is part of penetrative sex and is a fact of life. I've never walked around 'leaking semen,' and there are discreet and obvious ways for a woman to deal with this.

If the OP's W has gone off sex because her hormones are out of kilter, then she should tell him this rather than insult him by telling him that his manly essence is gross.

This is a time when the OP and his W should be very close. They've created a life together and I hope they manage to overcome his W's insensitive words.


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

> As it was, during pregnancy, I couldn't stomach giving BJs. I tried a couple times in each trimester. I nearly threw up. I NICELY told him I couldn't do it. Funny thing, that. He understood. Imagine that. I tell my husband something NICELY, even when HORMONAL. So yes, folks, it CAN be done. Don't get me wrong. I can be b!tchy when hormonal. But it is NOT excusable. And he is NOT expected to just "suck it up".


We have a winner! This is an example of why I classified his w's actions as a "chit test" in my first response to OP's post. It's not nearly as much the "request" to not do something as it is the manner in which it was done. When someone starts treating you rudely and insensitively, you need to nip that nonsense in the bud right then, or be prepared for more of it, more frequently. 

Nobody "needs" to act rudely like the OP's wife did. Her doing so shows a mentality that she can tromp all over his feelings, and he'll keep coming back for more sex (having no impact on how much she wants sex) because that's "what men do". Well, don't be that guy. Don't keep coming back. Don't accept it. And I'll bet a dollar to donuts this type of rudeness and behavior would stop.

We all "snap" at each other time to time, or make insensitive comments without thinking. The correct way to handle that is to not defend the indefensible, but rather acknowledge it when called on it, and make it right with an apology. When you start putting conditions on treating someone decently ("I'm hormonal", "I'm PMS'ing", "I had a bad day at work") and trying to justify it, and it is accepted, it only becomes increasingly easier to justify even more poor behavior.

My W came out of a long term sexless marriage. She didn't want it. Ever. And she confessed to rudely rejecting him for many years. When or how it started she wasn't sure, but it did. Granted, there were MANY issues in that marriage such as serious substance abuse by him, a complete disinterest in spending time with her (opting for booze and drugs instead), anger issues, inability to communicate without trying to "win" some "battle" or be defensive, but the point is she became accustomed to rudely rejecting him. She carried that (what I call "marriage mode") somewhat into our relationship. The way she became accustomed to treating her partner (no matter if he deserved it or not) became the norm for her. Something done without even thinking. A habit. One I had to break her of with me.

There are a few examples (but not many, it didn't take her long to learn I would not tolerate it), but here's one....

Sometime early on, I was feeling amorous. I tried to initiate. She said "no" and pushed my hand away. I tried again. She again said "no". No reasoning, no explanation...just "no". I immediately stopped, and calmly told her that was not an acceptable way to speak to me. I would never do so to her, and will not tolerate someone rejecting me in such a rude manner. 

It stopped, until it happened again a few weeks later. I gave her a look, which she responded to with an annoyed "whut?!!!". I turned and went about my business for the next few days. Pulling back a little, a little distant, but not creating a scene about it. Business as usual, but just a little distant. She obviously sensed something was up, but apparently couldn't place her finger on it. Until a couple days later when she tried to initiate. I said "no", and continued doing what I was already occupied with. She tried again, in a more firm voice I said "no" again. She stood there with a look on her face like I just took a shoe and smacked her upside the ear with it or something. She said "what the hell?!!!". I simply said "you rudely rejected me, and I AM NOT in the mood to sleep with you right now. When you start showing me consideration by not being rude to me, I'll do the same for you".

It has not happened since. Oh, and yes, she's turned me down...sure! In such a pleasant and coy way that it would be foolish to get angry. "I'm not feeling real good right now" or "babe, I'm just so tired, but when I'm feeling better, I'm going to make you glad you waited!" She's also said "Hmmm, I'm not in the mood, but we can do it if you'd like". I've never taken her up on that, nor have I ever acted butt hurt over it. I won't be seen as that selfish (getting mine when she doesn't want hers), or acted like I felt rejected. I can wait. In my mind I KNOW she'll be all over me in a day or two. I wonder...would she be so ready to jump me when she was feeling better if I was accepting pity sex or sex crumbs? I doubt it. How could that foster someone to be attracted to you? Simple answer is it doesn't.

I've also gladly (well, maybe not gladly, but easily and without ANY resentment) have gone months at a time without sex from her due to ovarian cysts and a pretty serious back injury. Never a peep of complaint from me. Because she was not ever rude about it, had a real issue, and continued to treat me well. In return she got more understanding, patience, and empathy than she thought possible (at one point wondering if I was having an affair, because in her words "nobody can be expected to go that long without it and be that understanding). Wrong. I did (go without), and was that understanding...because she deserved that, and nothing less. I didn't whine, cry, beg, or any of that, because her issues were of far greater importance than me just being horny, AND she continued to be an outstanding wife in every single other regard during that time. Do you think that increased or decreased my attraction to her, and her attraction to me?

Point to this long post is to second what Maricha stated, and to show in my experience what "works" and what doesn't. Just because you have, in your mind, justification to be snappish, insensitive or rude, DOES NOT mean it is okay or should be excused or tolerated. Calmly address it, refuse to accept it, and it will likely stop. And you might just seriously ramp up your partners attraction and respect for you in the process.

My w's ex could be any number of men here complaining about why he NEVER gets it, how he went months and years without it, and how his wife is a mean, rude insensitive b!tch. Yet same exact woman, and I'm getting laid like there's no tomorrow, and we have a near perfect harmony in our home. Why is that?

On the flip side, with my ex-w, I never got it. I moped. I got rudely rejected. I got angry. I accepted pity sex early on, and that got more frequent until it stopped altogether. Good christ I may have even cried a time or two. :slap: I was always resentful. I tried to do more to make it better. Frequent arguments. Frequent disrespect in both directions. A dysfunctional household. It was a downward spiral that would not end. Why, again, was that?


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> I'm still baffled that anyone could think that what she did and said was okay.
> 
> Airbabe, if a woman were to come on this forum and say that, in the middle of sex her husband looked at her and said, "I don't want to cum inside of you. Your vagina is gross", would you say the same thing to the woman? That she needs to suck it up if her feelings were hurt?


:iagree:


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I don't act like my house is a courtroom. Cross-examining your wife doesn't usually end well. 

In the end I think my wife is unfortunately more like Aribabe than I want to admit. Her attitude to this whole thing is "no big deal" and she doesn't know why I'm mad and it's actually my fault for being upset 24 hours later. 

So it appears that, unbeknownst to me, I have married an Aribabe clone when it comes to this issue. 

Although her position on this issue is unacceptable to people who respect their spouse's needs and feelings it is perfectly acceptable to her. 




Entropy3000 said:


> I guess you are not a courtroom lawyer.
> 
> I find he answer quite ambiguos and am surprised you did not ask her more questions to clarify this. Clear communication is important in a relationship. It beats the heck out of having to ask folks on the internet what she meant. Nothing wrong with looking for advice. Don't get me wrong, but your wife has many of these answers.
> 
> ...


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

> I think what his wife said also needs to be clarified.
> 
> Her comment was not:
> "Yuck, your semen is so gross!"
> ...


I've gotten the "it feels gross" thing. Of course it does! We understand that anything leaking out of a body part is not high on a woman's (anyones) to do list, lol. But not acceptable conversation DURING sex. As a lighthearted comment after? Sure, no problem stating the obvious.

The "you could've kept going, I just didn't want you to finish inside of me" is sex crumbs. "I don't want this, but oh, go ahead". Uhm, no, I won't be accepting an "offer" like that.

The BEST and smartest (and kindest) response may have been "I want you to cum on my tits". Think he'd be here all worked up if she'd have said THAT?!!! She'd have gotten what she wanted (no semen inside her at that particular time), and he'd likely be skipping around like a school boy that just got to 2nd base for the first time.

It's all about consideration for your partner you profess to love. There are ways to have your own needs met at the moment, and still make your partner feel like a rock star. People who want to be considerate to their partners keep that in mind and figure it out.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

To me this is the bigger problem:

At a moment when she _should_ be bonding with him. She should be totally into him, pulling him in she's pushing him away. This is not the natural way of things. A wife should want to be close with her H especially during sex, when she wants to make him feel good. I think the problem here is basic- at the very moment when she should be out of her mind crazy about him instead she is thinking of 15 -20 minutes from now when she's _gonna_ be leaking.....????? That thought shouldnt even occur to her at a moment like that, with him inside her. It just screams that she's just not that into him, sadly.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> To me this is the bigger problem:
> 
> At a moment when she _should_ be bonding with him. She should be totally into him, pulling him in she's pushing him away. This is not the natural way of things. A wife should want to be close with her H especially during sex, when she wants to make him feel good. I think the problem here is basic- at the very moment when she should be out of her mind crazy about him instead she is thinking of 15 -20 minutes from now when she's _gonna_ be leaking.....????? That thought shouldnt even occur to her at a moment like that, with him inside her. It just screams that she's just not that into him, sadly.


:iagree:

This is so true, 100% agreement.

My wife and I joke after sex, who got the wet spots........and we laugh about it. Using a towel beforehand for underneath us also works. My wife has never said to me, cum outside of me.........that to me, would be she is either scared of getting pregnant (Birth Control doesn't work???) or maybe there is someone else? When I give my wife an oral orgasm, just before she orgasm's I don't stop and say, ewwww, all wet and sloppy.......of course not, I love it I'm giving her an orgasm and that's part of it and I do enjoy it, get my face right in there.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

jd08 said:


> I don't act like my house is a courtroom. Cross-examining your wife doesn't usually end well.
> 
> In the end I think my wife is unfortunately more like Aribabe than I want to admit. Her attitude to this whole thing is "no big deal" and she doesn't know why I'm mad and it's actually my fault for being upset 24 hours later.
> 
> ...


And I actually set you up. I wanted to see if you would follow down the my home is not a courtroom or whether you would follow the need for communication. But indeed you should have very well honed skills in asking the right question at the right time and you would not likely pursue a clearer answer if you had those honed skills. Indeed if you do not get a clear answer from your spouse it is incumbent upon you to seek clarity.

LOL. I am sorry for you if this is your conclusion but this is very uncommon. Aribabe and no slam on her are no where centric in the bell curve period. What is my point? It is possible she has a similar attitude of course but I would not assume that. As this would not bode well for your marriage. I suggest you approach this in a more positive way, assuming you can work this out with your wife but you MUST improve your communication with her. You also should do His Need Her Needs so that you both are very clear on your needs. She does need to understand why you would be upset about her comment. You also need to understand very clearly what she is saying now. It is NOT in anyway clear. You cannot make good decisions without good information.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I don't know why she can't take a shower and wash most of it out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

She can't feel it coming out. One may be able to feel contractions from a man's orgasm, but the sensation would be the same with or without a condom. She is just nuts.


----------



## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

*Re: Re: In the middle of sex tonight and my wife tells me not to cum inside of her*



curlysue321 said:


> She can't feel it coming out. One may be able to feel contractions from a man's orgasm, but the sensation would be the same with or without a condom. She is just nuts.


I can feel it coming out of me after I sit on the toilet but after a little bit it's gone and done, and a non issue. Or like many woman have said take a shower. But whichever poster said she's thinking about how gross it is over thinking about how good she's feeling had it right in my book. She doesn't seem into it which may be the underlying issue.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I think you are right. She had her O before we started the sex and I guess she just couldn't muster up the energy to have a good time after that. I would have appreciated a heads up before getting into it. 



MrsOldNews said:


> I can feel it coming out of me after I sit on the toilet but after a little bit it's gone and done, and a non issue. Or like many woman have said take a shower. But whichever poster said she's thinking about how gross it is over thinking about how good she's feeling had it right in my book. She doesn't seem into it which may be the underlying issue.


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

So what're you going to do about it? It's pretty much your problem, if only because she doesn't SEE the problem. 

It's no good just staying ticked off.... so what're you going to do?


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I'll discuss it with her again and try to get her to understand how it made me feel. I agree it's my problem but if she truly has this belief then I can't force her to change. If it comes to that then I'll have a more difficult decision to make. 



SunnyT said:


> So what're you going to do about it? It's pretty much your problem, if only because she doesn't SEE the problem.
> 
> It's no good just staying ticked off.... so what're you going to do?


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

aribabe said:


> How could she have said it that would have been appropriate?
> "Babe, I don't want to deal with the semen leakage tonight, sorry"
> Would that have been acceptable Jd08? I'm genuinely curious.


How about "JD, you're right. That was bad of me. I apologize and will find a better time to mention it if necessary. I also don't want to reduce your enjoyment of sex and will do my best to make it up to you if I need that accomodation in the future".

She's owned that (1) his feelings matter to her, (2) he deserves the courtesy and respect she would want for herself, and (3) a good sex life benefits their marriage.

Problem solved.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> I guess you are not a courtroom lawyer.


Seriously, a family law attorney who is not a courtroom lawyer?

I've had a couple of good ones. They seem to know when to push and when to back off and let things play out.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

aribabe said:


> So she's thinking, "Dude, chill, it's just one time"
> And he's thinking, "Not only do i never get sex, i cant even finish in you when i do get it, what a b*tch"


I think this is where the disconnect is.

It is simply extremely unlikely that a woman in her situation (bad sex life where he's made his unhappiness unknown) thinks this is an isolated incident.

It's far more likely that she does get how he feels about this issue, knows that it's taking away some of the very little he actually does get, and simply does not care because she has decided that meeting his sexual need was not a priority.

I've been exactly there. The only obvious difference was my ex under-estimated my nerve, so she actually said "I'm pregnant so I matter more than you" expecting impunity. So I know what I'm talking about.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

jd08 said:


> I think you are right. She had her O before we started the sex and I guess she just couldn't muster up the energy to have a good time after that. I would have appreciated a heads up before getting into it.


Yeah, but then she would not have gotten hers.

You probably already know this (esp. being a family law guy) but she simply does not see her needs as equal to yours. You need to assume she likely will never see your needs as equal to her own and will be fine with taking steps to generate an advantage over you.

The implication for your treatment of her is that you need to proactively state your position on your place in the marriage (as her complete equal, getting just as much out of it as her, at all times except in cases of physical impossibility). And you need to be prepared to put boundaries in place and back up your words with strong actions if necessary.

How strong an action? My ex treated me horribly during her first pregnancy - I flat out told her I did not want another child with her. When, after promising better, she started in again during her second pregnancy, I cut her slack but eventually imposed a separation. I also waited for her to ask me to take her back.

Did it suck - yes. Was is the right move - absolutely! Even though we are divorced now, she never, ever tried that again. When she did slip up, I took a strong stand and she had consequences. As a result, her effort (limited though it was) stepped up significantly after those encounters.

I hope you don't have to take those drastic steps in your own marriage. But you should not be afraid to do so (even while she's pregnant) if it becomes necessary.


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

aribabe said:


> What she did and said was ok.
> She's pregnant, she doesn't want the sensation of semen leaking from her, her prerogative.
> The way she said it, less ok maybe.


Then she should have just told him that she wasn't in the mood to have sex. THAT definitely WOULD have been her prerogative. But consenting to the sex, and only mentioning that she didn't want him to ejaculate inside of her after they were in the middle of it, was CRUEL. And there is no special circumstance in the world in which that would ever be okay, pregnant or not. 

If she didn't want semen to leak, she shouldn't have consented to have sex with him. Cause guess what? Ejaculating after consentual sex has already begun is HIS prerogative.




> If she called his penis gross, and she didn't,
> I would think that was unacceptable.
> I wouldn't want to have sex with my husband if he called my vagina gross
> 
> ...


Okay fine, if your husband said your vaginal fluids were gross, in the middle of sex, would your feelings be hurt? Or would you just let it slide because of "special" circumstances?



> What she called gross, was the sensation of semen leaking out of her
> If i produced semen and my husband had to receive that semen into his anus (or some other orifice of his)
> I would not find it insulting if he found the sensation to be gross at times when his body is going through hormonal changes.


No, but to voice that *in the middle of sex*? Look, I get that being pregnant messes with hormones. I get that things can bother women while pregnant that wouldn't normally be an issue. So why couldn't she have just said "No" to having sex at that moment? And before you say something like, "How was she supposed to know she'd feel that way?", there's a such thing as courtesy. If I were pregnant, and halfway through I started feeling like I didn't want semen leaking out of me(which, by the way, is an absolutely nonsensical reason...semen leaking out of a vagina isn't that big of a deal. Imo it isn't even a deal at all. I can't imagine how pregnancy would change that, but I digress), I would have said something like, "Babe, I am so sorry to do this, but do you think you could pull out when you cum?" I DEFINITELY wouldn't have said his semen was "gross". 



> I love deep kisses with my husband, but i find the saliva exchanging to be so disgusting during my period sometimes, practically make's me want to gag.
> 
> And I've told my husband i find the kisses to be gross during my period.
> He's never disrespected, belittled, or disparaged me for it. I can not control how i feel about certain sensation when my body is being whacky.


Did you say that in the middle of passionate kissing? 

Frankly, I don't see saliva and semen being anywhere near to the same. 



> With all of that said however,
> 
> I don't believe that any of this has to do with what jd08 is upset about.



Then you must have missed the point of the thread.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Something did occur to me: when I was pregnant, anytime I felt anything coming out I panicked and ran to the bathroom to make sure it wasn't blood. That's the only rational explanation I could see for someone not wanting that. But then again she didn't have to be rude a d she could have taken a shower.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> Something did occur to me: when I was pregnant, anytime I felt anything coming out I panicked and ran to the bathroom to make sure it wasn't blood. That's the only rational explanation I could see for someone not wanting that. But then again she didn't have to be rude a d she could have taken a shower.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And semen doesn't even remotely resemble blood so....even if that was it, she would have maybe three seconds of panic?


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Funny how the large majority of females (minus air babe) are completely in line with my perception of this situation. This to me shows how completely and utterly ridiculous my wife is being. Either that or TAM ladies are just an awesome outlier of the female population.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

jd08 said:


> Funny how the large majority of females (minus air babe) are completely in line with my perception of this situation. This to me shows how completely and utterly ridiculous my wife is being. Either that or TAM ladies are just an awesome outlier of the female population.


Well thank you. Actually I think most women wouldnt DREAM of spewing this vomitus to their H's. I know I wouldnt. Dont accept this as the norm- it isnt.


----------



## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I'm so sorry, she said that! Especially right in the middle of it all like that. After all those years you've been together, know she tells you?? I wonder if it has something to do with her moods, and being pregnant. But, any woman knows that's how it goes after sex. I would think anyways. Most the time, all the "clean up needed" is all done with by the end of the night I thought. And a woman always can shower and whatnot. I wonder if it has something to do with her feelings towards you at the moment. Not saying she should've said that to you, at the time...but woman are kind of crazy sometimes. In a emotional way you know? I'm sure you know. 

Perhaps, this has a hidden meaning. Know us women, you can never rule that out. I wish you the best. But just letting you know, its not normal in my world to think it's gross coming out. Or gross at all. Even if it IS bothersome at times to a woman...we deal with it, cause it was from a "fun time" and its worth it.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

jd08 said:


> Funny how the large majority of females (minus air babe) are completely in line with my perception of this situation. This to me shows how completely and utterly ridiculous my wife is being. Either that or TAM ladies are just an awesome outlier of the female population.


Created2Write, Maricha75, canttrustu and SimplyAmerous are awesome outliers. 

That doesn't mean they aren't right though.


----------



## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Isnt it like...programmed in us to want that? I didnt read the other posts BTW


----------



## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

To the OP....at the end of the day this prob has very little to do with cum and more to do with something else in the relationship


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I appreciate your thoughts and think you may be right. But I just don't know how there could be issues. I'm the sole wage earner, I do at least 50% of the housework, I'm considerate, I rub her feet at night, play with her hair, make special trips at night for things that she wants such as ice cream. She gets to go out to dinner with her friends 2-3 times per month. I've never been abusive to her in any way. 

I don't get it. 



missymrs80 said:


> To the OP....at the end of the day this prob has very little to do with cum and more to do with something else in the relationship


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

jd08 said:


> I appreciate your thoughts and think you may be right. But I just don't know how there could be issues. I'm the sole wage earner, I do at least 50% of the housework, I'm considerate, I rub her feet at night, play with her hair, make special trips at night for things that she wants such as ice cream. She gets to go out to dinner with her friends 2-3 times per month. I've never been abusive to her in any way.
> 
> I don't get it.
> 
> ...


In boxing, the one-hit punch that brought down great boxers are the ones they didn't see coming.

Same thing in real life, the thing that hits you hardest is the thing you didn't see coming.

You think you have made efforts to make her happy. I am not belittling your efforts, you may very well been doing your best. But is she really happy? Is she really satisfied? Would she go along and see a marriage counsellor with you to find out?

Better get things sorted now, rather than waiting for life to knock you out with things you didn't see coming..


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Created2Write, Maricha75, canttrustu and SimplyAmerous are awesome outliers.
> 
> That doesn't mean they are right though.


Shhhhhhh!!! Let us revel in being right! 

Seriously, though, jd. Larry is right. Just because we agree with your assessment because WE would never do that to our husbands, doesn't mean we are completely right about the subject. The best thing you can do, IMO, is to talk to her about it, again. This time, explain EXACTLY how her words cut through you. And, if she doesn't want a specific act in the future, at a specific time, that she needs to find a more.... diplomatic... way of getting that point across. It truly isn't a difficult task, pregnant or not.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Shhhhhhh!!! Let us revel in being right!


Aw crap... I meant to say *aren't*

I'm editing it...


----------



## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Wow.

After reading the entire thread, that's all I can say.

Wow that there would be a debate about this.

Wow that I messed up by not asking my wife, before getting married, whether it was OK if I ejaculated in her vagina.

Wow, if I were single again, I'd like to meet some of the women posting in this thread. Or at least women like them. I think you know which ones.

Wow.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> Wow.
> 
> After reading the entire thread, that's all I can say.
> 
> ...


Its Ari isnt it??? Its ok- the rest of us will forgive you.


----------



## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> Its Ari isnt it??? Its ok- the rest of us will forgive you.


A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.


Unless you discuss it before marriage and make it a part of your vows.....:rofl:


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> unless you discuss it before marriage and make it a part of your vows.....:rofl:


lol.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

missymrs80 said:


> Isnt it like...programmed in us to want that? I didnt read the other posts BTW


Male semen contains hormones and chemicals that give the female a feeling of contentment, calmness and satisfaction that are absorbed by the female.

So yeah, it is sort of programmed into the female to want it inside her. At least most healthy females.

Not sure if pregnancy changes this or not. I do know when my wife was pregnant she wanted it even more. Her sex drive went way up while pregnant.


----------



## rasana (Feb 6, 2013)

Since it was the middle of the night, and she was maybe sleepy and tired, is it possible she was not quite knowing what she was saying?


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

We have successfully used the withdrawl method for the last 25 years. At this point we are pretty sure we are not going to get pregnant but I still do not finish in her. Sometimes I will tell her that I am going to and it about drives her crazy not knowing whether I am just playing or if I am going to do it. Kinda fun actually.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I talked to her last night. She admitted to having negative feelings associated with sex from am early age but doesn't know where they come from. She denied her parents as the source of it. I told her we should try to be more creative to help her enjoy it more. I gave suggestions. She listened but came out of the conversation with her same negative attitude that she has about a lot of things in life. I rubbed her feet and her back with lotion. She took her shirt off for me to do this but made it clear that nothing sexual would be happening. 

I dont know what to do with her anymore. To me our conversation confirmed that she is cold and unfeeling towards sex and provided no hope for the future. She ended by saying she's heard it all before and is tired of talking about sex. I then sarcastically asked if I could use a hooker for my needs since she didn't want to meet them. Of course she angrily said no.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

jd08 said:


> I talked to her last night. She admitted to having negative feelings associated with sex from am early age but doesn't know where they come from. She denied her parents as the source of it. I told her we should try to be more creative to help her enjoy it more. I gave suggestions. She listened but came out of the conversation with her same negative attitude that she has about a lot of things in life. I rubbed her feet and her back with lotion. She took her shirt off for me to do this but made it clear that nothing sexual would be happening.
> 
> I dont know what to do with her anymore. To me our conversation confirmed that she is cold and unfeeling towards sex and provided no hope for the future. She ended by saying she's heard it all before and is tired of talking about sex. I then sarcastically asked if I could use a hooker for my needs since she didn't want to meet them. Of course she angrily said no.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Marriage counseling or id leave. 

I see so many people stay in unhappy marriages. Is that how you wish to live life? unhappy, suffering?


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

No but children complicate the issue tremendously. As a family law attorney I know the system and know I would have to go through it to get what I want. The prospect of spending thousands of dollars fighting over custody with no guaranteed result and, at best getting 50/50 custody, is disheartening. 



Goldmember357 said:


> Marriage counseling or id leave.
> 
> I see so many people stay in unhappy marriages. Is that how you wish to live life? unhappy, suffering?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

jd08 said:


> I talked to her last night. She admitted to having negative feelings associated with sex from am early age but doesn't know where they come from. She denied her parents as the source of it. I told her we should try to be more creative to help her enjoy it more. I gave suggestions. She listened but came out of the conversation with her same negative attitude that she has about a lot of things in life.* I rubbed her feet and her back with lotion. She took her shirt off for me to do this but made it clear that nothing sexual would be happening.*
> 
> I dont know what to do with her anymore. To me our conversation confirmed that *she is cold and unfeeling towards sex and provided no hope for the future.* She ended by saying she's heard it all before and is tired of talking about sex. I then sarcastically asked if I could use a hooker for my needs since she didn't want to meet them. Of course she angrily said no.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stop these stupid pointless acts of service. You want to 'nice' your way into her panties...and she's not having it. Why should she? She gets this pampering whether you can cum or not.

She wants to BE a roommate, you need to ACT like a roommate. Go out alone at times. Make your own plans except where it impinges the kids.

Use the MAP from Married Man's Sex Live Primer or the 180. Either have a shot at working.

But the long and the short of it is you tried to be 'nice' this way with no payoff. In the time it took to rub her feet and back KNOWING there was no sex (disrespectfully stated)...you could have logged a billable hour. You could have had meaningful time with the kids. You could have had a pint at the local bar, talking to interesting people who were happy you were around (and buying)

So why are you wasting your time this way? Whether it leads to divorce or not, why is she benefiting?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

JCD said:


> Stop these stupid pointless acts of service. You want to 'nice' your way into her panties...and she's not having it. Why should she? She gets this pampering whether you can cum or not.
> 
> She wants to BE a roommate, you need to ACT like a roommate. Go out alone at times. Make your own plans except where it impinges the kids.
> 
> ...


:iagree:Geez forget her and go to a sports bar twice a week but do something different please. Just tell her you're going out no details let her stew and wonder ugh!


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

RClawson said:


> We have successfully used the withdrawl method for the last 25 years. At this point we are pretty sure we are not going to get pregnant but I still do not finish in her. Sometimes I will tell her that I am going to and it about drives her crazy not knowing whether I am just playing or if I am going to do it. Kinda fun actually.


Wow. This is tough love. Try finishing in her from now on. This may actually impact the issue you are going through. Not kidding here or being mean. I am serious. This is all part of intimacy and your wife being yours and yours alone.

Wow. I mean my wife enjoys when I finsih inside her and when I do so enthusiastically. This is a great way to tell her she drives me wild.

I mean I thought women liked when men seem to be on the edge of losing control over them. The whole being taken thing.

If I am pulling out I have to make a conscious choice of being in control to do so. WTF!?

Guys try losing yourself in your woman. Many of them dig this ... a lot. YMMV.

Do it like you mean it ... LOL


----------



## jameskimp (May 8, 2012)

jd08 said:


> I talked to her last night. She admitted to having negative feelings associated with sex from am early age but doesn't know where they come from. She denied her parents as the source of it. I told her we should try to be more creative to help her enjoy it more. I gave suggestions. She listened but came out of the conversation with her same negative attitude that she has about a lot of things in life. I rubbed her feet and her back with lotion. She took her shirt off for me to do this but made it clear that nothing sexual would be happening.
> 
> I dont know what to do with her anymore. To me our conversation confirmed that she is cold and unfeeling towards sex and provided no hope for the future. She ended by saying she's heard it all before and is tired of talking about sex. I then sarcastically asked if I could use a hooker for my needs since she didn't want to meet them. Of course she angrily said no.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why? The hooker seems like the perfect solution - no strings attached sex. She could be happy not giving any and you could be happy getting some.

Sex is important to you. Now either it is not important to her - in which case why should she care if you get a hooker - sex isn't important right? Or, she says the person you have sex with is important and that sex is important. In this case, she's contradicting herself. Says sex is important but won't give any - grounds for divorce.

Threatening divorce is one of the best ways to get these people to change. Show that you can move on fine without her - gym, flirting with girls etc. 

She doesn't want to make you happy because she doesn't respect you anymore or doesn't respect you as much as before. Life's too short for this.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

entropy3000 said:


> wow. This is tough love. Try finishing in her from now on. This may actually impact the issue you are going through. Not kidding here or being mean. I am serious. This is all part of intimacy and your wife being yours and yours alone.
> 
> Wow. I mean my wife enjoys when i finsih inside her and when i do so enthusiastically. This is a great way to tell her she drives me wild.
> 
> ...


this.


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

jameskimp said:


> Why? The hooker seems like the perfect solution - no strings attached sex. She could be happy not giving any and you could be happy getting some.
> 
> Sex is important to you. Now either it is not important to her - in which case why should she care if you get a hooker - sex isn't important right? Or, she says the person you have sex with is important and that sex is important. In this case, she's contradicting herself. Says sex is important but won't give any - grounds for divorce.
> 
> ...


That sparked an interesting idea. It may very well hurt the marriage and is a crappy thing to do to a person.

But I also can't believe what your wife said and still refuses to apologize for.

Get a legal document drafted that infidelity is no longer any grounds of an uneven distribution of marital property and that the wife waives all rights to use such circumstances in trial.

See how she reacts. But this is game playing.


----------



## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> Male semen contains hormones and chemicals that give the female a feeling of contentment, calmness and satisfaction that are absorbed by the female.
> 
> So yeah, it is sort of programmed into the female to want it inside her. At least most healthy females.
> 
> Not sure if pregnancy changes this or not. I do know when my wife was pregnant she wanted it even more. Her sex drive went way up while pregnant.


It is def programmed in us b/c what are we all here to do? Reproduce. And we all know how babies are made.


----------



## Quantmflux (Feb 6, 2013)

OP... I think you need to take a step back... Chill out... And think here...

In like 5 days you've gone from posting on a forum because your wife asked you to pull out, to being on the verge of divorce, talking about hookers, and ready to leave the PREGNANT mother of your children who you've been with for twelve years.

Does this honestly seem reasonable to you? Oh... You'll find cheerleaders there is no doubt. You can find a cheerleader for any behavior on the Internet. That isn't validation. Sometimes it's actually insanity and mob mentality.

But do you really not think there is any chance that you are like possibly overreacting here just a bit?


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

jd08 said:


> I talked to her last night. She admitted to having negative feelings associated with sex from am early age but doesn't know where they come from. She denied her parents as the source of it. I told her we should try to be more creative to help her enjoy it more. I gave suggestions. She listened but came out of the conversation with her same negative attitude that she has about a lot of things in life. I rubbed her feet and her back with lotion. She took her shirt off for me to do this but made it clear that nothing sexual would be happening.
> 
> I dont know what to do with her anymore. To me our conversation confirmed that she is cold and unfeeling towards sex and provided no hope for the future. She ended by saying she's heard it all before and is tired of talking about sex. I then sarcastically asked if I could use a hooker for my needs since she didn't want to meet them. Of course she angrily said no.


Yet another instance of the wife not wanting to have sex with her husband but wants the validation of being treated well by him nonetheless and the power that comes with holding the strings to his sex life.

A "nexting" might be in order here, maybe not while pregnant but soon thereafter (within say six months) if she does not come correct.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Seriously, though, jd. Larry is right. Just because we agree with your assessment because WE would never do that to our husbands, doesn't mean we are completely right about the subject. The best thing you can do, IMO, is to talk to her about it, again. This time, explain EXACTLY how her words cut through you. And, if she doesn't want a specific act in the future, at a specific time, that she needs to find a more.... diplomatic... way of getting that point across. It truly isn't a difficult task, pregnant or not.


Agree. And, she needs to know that her actions have consequences (both positive and negative). If she were to say "yeah, you know I really don't like you cumming me, so don't do it unless I say so" your response should communicate that such a request takes lots of enjoyment out of your sex life and will impact how you feel about and treat her.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

jd08 said:


> I appreciate your thoughts and think you may be right. But I just don't know how there could be issues. I'm the sole wage earner, I do at least 50% of the housework, I'm considerate, I rub her feet at night, play with her hair, make special trips at night for things that she wants such as ice cream. She gets to go out to dinner with her friends 2-3 times per month. I've never been abusive to her in any way.
> 
> I don't get it.


There aren't any issues now because everything is going her way. She gets to enjoy the very nice income you make as an attorney, does not have many household responsibilities, and does as she pleases. She also gets to tell you to fvck off when she feels like it, with seeming impunity.

It's easy to be friendly and content when everything goes your way, or when you're asking her for stuff that is no big deal to her. The real test of how committed she is to you comes when your needs pop up and she has to sacrifice a bit (or a bunch) and give back.

You're a family law guy, which I assume means you have dozens of open cases right now dealing with divorce or the aftermath of divorce. You likely hear the stories and concerns of your clients in the process understanding the issues and representing them well, right? You don't have to guess at how these things turn out, because you likely see it every day - the client who is trying to just get a fair deal and the client who screwed over a former spouse and wants you to construct a defense?

Maybe you should reflect on how these things turn out for yourself and then decide how to act, and when.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

You assume that everything was great before I showed up here?

Second, you are minimizing the pain caused by my wife pretty much flatly rejecting me as being "gross" right in the middle of sex. I hope you don't have to experience that. 



Quantmflux said:


> OP... I think you need to take a step back... Chill out... And think here...
> 
> In like 5 days you've gone from posting on a forum because your wife asked you to pull out, to being on the verge of divorce, talking about hookers, and ready to leave the PREGNANT mother of your children who you've been with for twelve years.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Quantmflux said:


> OP... I think you need to take a step back... Chill out... And think here...
> 
> In like 5 days you've gone from posting on a forum because your wife asked you to pull out, to being on the verge of divorce, talking about hookers, and ready to leave the PREGNANT mother of your children who you've been with for twelve years.
> 
> ...


You proceed from a false assumption. His wife acted callously and without thought for his feelings. My reaction would have been exactly as his. It really is not hard to keep others feelings in mind unless you are a selfish cold hearted person.

He is here hoping to find advice and maybe solutions not validation. Since we established why he is here, one would wonder why you are here?


----------



## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Wow. This is tough love. Try finishing in her from now on. This may actually impact the issue you are going through. Not kidding here or being mean. I am serious. This is all part of intimacy and your wife being yours and yours alone.
> 
> Wow. I mean my wife enjoys when I finsih inside her and when I do so enthusiastically. This is a great way to tell her she drives me wild.
> 
> ...


:iagree:100%


----------



## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

JCD said:


> Stop these stupid pointless acts of service. You want to 'nice' your way into her panties...and she's not having it. Why should she? She gets this pampering whether you can cum or not.
> 
> She wants to BE a roommate, you need to ACT like a roommate. Go out alone at times. Make your own plans except where it impinges the kids.
> 
> ...


Agree with this advice. You are not going to "nice" your way in, so stop. Lots of more productive ways to use your time...

Start the MAP


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Quantmflux said:


> OP... I think you need to take a step back... Chill out... And think here...
> 
> In like 5 days you've gone from posting on a forum because your wife asked you to pull out, to being on the verge of divorce, talking about hookers, and ready to leave the PREGNANT mother of your children who you've been with for twelve years.
> 
> ...


I am ambivilent about this advice.

One the one hand, we all know how psychotic women get on a monthly basis even without being pregnant.

BUT...not every woman is a psychopath, even WHEN pregnant. So...what's up with this one?

Does she get excused from basic civility because she's pregnant? Are her hormones spiking CONSTANTLY? Because my wife was pregnant 3 times and I NEVER recall anything like this (maybe my brain is making me amnesiac for self defense purposes...)

What DID happen was my wife might go off the handle...and then she came back and acted normally, sometimes even apologetic. Occasionally she took one for the team sexually, even when she wasn't that into it.

As noted by the OP, this has been a long time building with his wife being ambivalent toward having sex with him and being blatantly disrespectful.

The fact that he's had it when she is pregnant is an unfortunate coincidence.

So...tonight OP, call home and tell the wife you are going out to dinner. Find some new place you want to try. There are a lot of pleasures in this world besides sex, so sample a few. Don't go ballistic on a pregnoid. Just start to quietly live your life and avoid her when she's an idiot. (If this turns out to be most of the time, well...sorry)

As that great philosopher Kelly Bundy said: Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Well just had a nice session where I DID cum inside her.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

JCD said:


> I am ambivilent about this advice.
> 
> *One the one hand, we all know how psychotic women get on a monthly basis even without being pregnant.*
> 
> ...


Huh, really? Sorry to ruin your gross generalisation but I don't get PMS and am not psychotic pre period. I get the occasional aching back and do get very tired.
I may have a lower patience level but that is easy to deal with.

Hate this sort of stupid generalisation, no wonder we have such issues between men and women.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

JCD was being sarcastic... You agree with his point that most women don't behave that way.


----------



## rasana (Feb 6, 2013)

jd08 said:


> Well just had a nice session where I DID cum inside her.


Great, and do not listen to the stupid advice here to get a hooker or to flirt with others. This is a dangerous game and who knows how a possible affair/hookers would make you look in the court in case of a custody rights issue (you are a lawyer so maybe you can tell more about that?).


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

AM2013 said:


> I would tell her that she needs your cum in her for her health. I am pregnant too ( 5 months) and I saw a study that shows that cum makes a woman less anxious, calmer, less depressed, helps maintain the pregnancy, etc. I prefer to have my husband cum inside me once a day at minimum. I think she needs her stress released , so just do it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup:

Wow! thank you for the advice. We learn something new every day!


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

This isn't sex related per se but rather than start a new thread, I figured I'd just post here with my frustrations tonight...

I had a work event Friday night and was gone until very late and obviously wife was in bed when I got home. No problem.

Saturday comes and we spend the first half of the day doing things with our daughter. That was fun. Daughter is 3 and has been having a terrible time sleeping lately. She's scared of all kinds of noises and can't fall asleep. So she doesn't take a nap and my wife leaves to go get a pedicure. When she gets back I have to go out and run a few errands. We eat dinner and kid FINALLY goes to bed about 8:30. 

So I'm expecting to finally have some QT with the wife. Not even necessarily sex, just some bonding. If we have sex fine, if we don't that's fine too. So what does she do? She picks up her Kindle and says "I don't feel like doing anything, can I read?" At this point I'm upset because we haven't spent any time together the night before and she just doesn't care. I say fine. She reads until after 11:00 pm. I went to bed without her. 

Today rolls around. We spend the morning cleaning up around the house. Daughter doesn't take a nap again. I go to the gym, then sister in law comes over for awhile. We eat dinner. Daughter in bed by 6:30. I figure ok maybe we can make up for last night. 

She comes in our room carrying a bag of **** for school (she's a part time preschool teacher) and announces that she's going to work on lesson plans! WTF. So no time together yet again. I am pissed and leave to go to the office where I'm at now. On the way out the only thing she says is "well what if (our daughter) wakes up while you're gone?" Doesn't care that I'm leaving her alone, only that I won't be there to take care of things if our child wakes up. 

I'm honestly about done here. Her coldness and selfishness have pushed me to the edge.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What I get from my wife is: "Oh, no! It's coming out and you made me all wet!"

That's not a helpful comment from my wife, but nowhere near as bad as that from your wife, I suspect.


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i just got on your thread, if i tried to pull out and not finish inside my wife would be pissed. once in our marriage after we stopped using condoms (she cant have kids didnt find out till later) i pulled out wow i got cussed. either i finish in mouth or vagina.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

jd08 said:


> This isn't sex related per se but rather than start a new thread, I figured I'd just post here with my frustrations tonight...
> 
> I had a work event Friday night and was gone until very late and obviously wife was in bed when I got home. No problem.
> 
> ...


Doesn't sound like you have read MMSLP or started the MAP plan. Why not?


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

jd08 said:


> ...I'm honestly about done here. Her coldness and selfishness have pushed me to the edge.


Yes, understandable. If you don't want to life like that for the rest of your life, it's perfectly normal to feel tremendously upset. 

Perhaps it's time to seriously consider an upgrade? Maybe from "not so happily married" to "Good friends with Co-Parenting activities?"


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

jd08 said:


> This isn't sex related per se but rather than start a new thread, I figured I'd just post here with my frustrations tonight...
> 
> I had a work event Friday night and was gone until very late and obviously wife was in bed when I got home. No problem.
> 
> ...


Dude something is up and there is a fair chance (~33%) it is another mans penis.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I work out, in good shape and confident. I could pick up women if I wanted. It's not about me, it's her. She couldn't care less about my feelings and I can't hide my frustrations. No book is going to change any of that. 



chapparal said:


> Doesn't sound like you have read MMSLP or started the MAP plan. Why not?


----------



## MattG254 (Feb 26, 2013)

jd, my deepest condolences go out to you (I couldn't even imagine if my wife did that to me...she's more the opposite, right now we don't want a kid so we resort to...other places :awink: ). I think the root problem is that she does not realize how deeply this cut you and how much it means to you. Pregnancy does NOT help this either. I recommend telling her what her GIVEN meaning was, something such as, "Honey, when you said '_____,' to _me_ it seems like you mean...." Give her a counter-example such as the one someone gave about it being like their husband stopping in the middle of sex right before cumming and saying that their vagina felt gross. Ask her WHY it feels gross too...like does she mean the _sex_ feels gross, or like literally the feeling of your cum shooting into her vagina feels too slimy for her? When she tells you that it's no big deal, stop her, and specifically tell her that it REALLY means a lot to YOU. Tell her that you want an apology...don't expect her to just inherently "know". Often times, people don't express the desire for an apology...ever. I wish you the very best of luck. Try to put up with her inconsideration too. One thing you might try...and this would be very modern-day, open-minded, and non-traditional...is anal sex. See if she feels the same way when taken from her other entrance. That's just a thought, hope it helps!


----------



## TOMTEFAR (Feb 23, 2013)

What I find worst reading your story jd08 isn't that she said it. Sometimes you say things, withouth thinking about the consequences, that are hurtfull. 

What I do have a problem with is that your wife doesn't own upp to her actions. She just blames you and try to rugsweep it. That I find quite distastefull.

A loving partner does everything to correct a wrongdoing specially since you have tolder her it is a major thing for you.

To me that speaks volums.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Dead on right there. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to tell her important sex is to me. Literally the response I get is "I don't understand, why does everything revolve around sex."

She falls asleep in the middle of me talking and says I pick bad times to talk or she's tired of hearing about it. Last night she said "so what are you gonna do, abandon me and our two children?"





TOMTEFAR said:


> What I find worst reading your story jd08 isn't that she said it. Sometimes you say things, withouth thinking about the consequences, that are hurtfull.
> 
> What I do have a problem with is that your wife doesn't own upp to her actions. She just blames you and try to rugsweep it. That I find quite distastefull.
> 
> ...


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

jd08 said:


> Dead on right there. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to tell her important sex is to me. Literally the response I get is "I don't understand, why does everything revolve around sex."
> 
> She falls asleep in the middle of me talking and says I pick bad times to talk or she's tired of hearing about it. Last night she said "so what are you gonna do, abandon me and our two children?"


"Nope. Just you."


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

boogie110 said:


> She's pregnant and that should be your priority - not getting off inside of her.
> 
> Just WOW all of you.
> 
> ...


You're projecting your feelings about men and you are WAY out of line.


----------



## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

boogie110 said:


> No matter how much biology I studied or worked in the medical field for 10 years - it's still gross - even to the doctors...bodily fluids are gross. Snot is gross. Saliva is gross. Urine is not as gross, but pretty gross and smells. Crotch fluids are gross. Bowel is gross. Throw up is gross. Semen is gross. Babies are perfect.


I think you have no idea about what doctors think. We play with the insides of your body, stitch dangling parts back on and talk about how we drained abcess material and pus while we are eating lunch and drinking broccoli soup.

So, no. None of those things you say are gross to me any more.


----------



## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

boogie110 said:


> You my fair shadow nirvana can think whatever the fart you want...if you even are a dr...
> 
> worked in a hospital for many years, cousin is a doctor, went to school with med students, dated one...
> 
> ...


....

Okay I really don't have any more words to say to such an obnoxious know-it-all, who unfortunately doesn't know fart. Here, you won the interwebz.


----------



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Wow... I am so sorry, OP. My best advice is to try not to take it personally... But I just can't relate to your wife, I LOVE the act of my husband finishing in me. Perhaps the most intimate and intense part of love-making.

She's pregnant... I've noticed that pregnant women, (myself included when I was) really do just tend to think about themselves, their body and their fetus. Pregnancy is an extremely awkward, uncomfortable, gross (at times) and exhausting physically and mentally. If she never opposed this before than you can hold out the hope that she can return to enjoying it.

Not to get TMI here, but one big change that pregnant women discover with pregnancy and sex - is that the "fallout" afterwards is a big difference than before pregnancy. Same with vasectomies too, I've noticed... So it just may seem like more and be more awkward...

Hoping things improve for you!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

boogie: Not every woman thinks semen is gross. I don't. I think my vaginal fluids are much, much worse than his semen. If I thought my husband's semen was gross, I wouldn't give him BJ's or swallow it.

I can understand you're relating to the pregnancy aspect, but lay off the guy, okay? You may think semen is gross, his wife may think that, the women you know may think that, hell, everyone in the world could think that, and it would STILL be painful to hear. It would be like being told your vagina is gross. Even if it is, it doesn't need to be said, does it?


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

boogie110 said:


> I also was just viciously attacked by some B - very insulting who seems to do nothing but post on this site - and then I thought, maybe I don't need to say exactly what I feel...so again I apologize. Just give the pregnant woman a break. It sucks to be pregnant in many ways - I've worked with many and been one. Men need to only support and forget about themselves for only a few months - that's all.


Although I don't believe I was "vicious", nor did I "attack", it's ok to call me a "b!tch", I can take it... I've been called worse by other people who don't know me. 

Oh, and I do plenty more than just posting on this site. I happen to be awfully good at multitasking. I appreciate your concern, though.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

boogie110 said:


> You my fair shadow nirvana can think whatever the fart you want...if you even are a dr...
> 
> worked in a hospital for many years, cousin is a doctor, went to school with med students, dated one...
> 
> ...


Very few people are more squeamish than me when it comes to bodily fluids. My poor kids are just lucky that pretty much any time they have had medical emergencies, blood or vomiting that there have been other adults around, I just cannot deal with things like that. 
My family have to help out when my kids are sick or have been in hospital. I love my kids more than life but I feel ill at the thought of bodily fluids.

BUT I love semen, well my partners semen, not just random men's semen 
I thrive on him doing it in me and then roll around in the mess afterwards. 

Go figure. I love him and the act of sex and lovemaking with all its mess and bodily fluids makes my world spin. PMSL but I swallow and as a vegetarian I think that is very funny.

We are all different. The problem though with the OPs situation is the way the statement was delivered, that would have been very hurtful.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> jd08
> Last night she said "so what are you gonna do, abandon me and our two children?"


You should have looked her STRAIGHT in the eye and said, "No, I will BE THERE for my children. You, however, are ON YOUR OWN...just the way you like it." Then turned around and walked away.

Your wife is selfish and, at 30yo, she's not likely to have a 'lightbulb moment' about it WITHOUT the help of a specialist.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Do you also agree with the timing of the comment?




boogie110 said:


> Ok, so a little harsh, right?
> 
> But you need to put your baby first, your wife second and your d*ck third. And semen - I've been told by ALL men in my life throughout my life and on radio even on regular radio in the morning, not Stern... all say semen is gross. So suck it up - yes - and deal with the fact that most women in my opinion (and to all that I've spoken about sex to) think semen is gross and deal with it as a part of sex and being part of a man whom they love and having periods to men is gross...Life in many ways - the human body - is gross. No matter how much biology I studied or worked in the medical field for 10 years - it's still gross - even to the doctors...bodily fluids are gross. Snot is gross. Saliva is gross. Urine is not as gross, but pretty gross and smells. Crotch fluids are gross. Bowel is gross. Throw up is gross. Semen is gross. Babies are perfect.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

boogie110 said:


> Ok, so a little harsh, right?
> 
> But you need to put your baby first, your wife second and your d*ck third. And semen - I've been told by ALL men in my life throughout my life and on radio even on regular radio in the morning, not Stern... all say semen is gross. So suck it up - yes - and deal with the fact that most women in my opinion (and to all that I've spoken about sex to) think semen is gross and deal with it as a part of sex and being part of a man whom they love and having periods to men is gross...Life in many ways - the human body - is gross. No matter how much biology I studied or worked in the medical field for 10 years - it's still gross - even to the doctors...bodily fluids are gross. Snot is gross. Saliva is gross. Urine is not as gross, but pretty gross and smells. Crotch fluids are gross. Bowel is gross. Throw up is gross. Semen is gross. Babies are perfect.


Fluids are gross, but babies are perfect? I have had way way more contact with fluids thanks to my babies than from the couple of teaspoons my husband produces.

Faeces, urine, blood, vomit, saliva, tears and snot, all courtesy of my perfect babies. And, you want to talk fluids? I gave birth on our family room floor. You know who mopped up? My husband. Without a word of complaint. 

We're organic beings. Why pretend otherwise?

Any preshus snowflake who is too delicate to cope with a bit of semen shouldn't be inflicting herself on a man in a monogamous relationship.


----------



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Lyris said:


> Fluids are gross, but babies are perfect? I have had way way more contact with fluids thanks to my babies than from the couple of teaspoons my husband produces.
> 
> Faeces, urine, blood, vomit, saliva, tears and snot, all courtesy of my perfect babies. And, you want to talk fluids? I gave birth on our family room floor. You know who mopped up? My husband. Without a word of complaint.
> 
> ...


:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

I agree. Wonderfully said.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

jd08 said:


> This isn't sex related per se but rather than start a new thread, I figured I'd just post here with my frustrations tonight...
> 
> I had a work event Friday night and was gone until very late and obviously wife was in bed when I got home. No problem.
> 
> ...


Sorry for not seeing this sooner. But I wish to reply.

I actually can relate to this. The thing is they cannot read our minds.

My wife and I got into this very rut. I took the initiaive.
I told my wife to get out her calendar. We looked over the next month. She had all of her time allocated out to doing all sorts of things for family members and so on. She also does lesson plans BTW. I told her we needed to reserve us time up front on her calendar. She was very open to this. Not specific events. Just scheduled us time. Friday nights are by default date night. We also by default have Lunch on Saturday. Just examples. This means if something comes up for either of us we must agree to rescehdule our time. She then knows to tell people no to getting her time Friday evenings. My daughter will come over and have my wife help her grade papers. My daughter got into a habit if doing this on Friday nights. I told her no that this was couple time. That she would need to schedule those things with her mom. 

Anyway, the take away is that you needed to tell your wife what your plan was. Directly. Do not assume. In this example it was not a calendar thing. But you needed to tell her, hey I want some couple time tonight since I was not here last night and so on. Just be direct. Direct but positive. It is being open. It is about making your time together a priority. That these others things can be scehduled when you are not around. I mean she might have been able to do lesson plans Firday night if she knew your plan. You work together on this. It is not snapping your fingures and demanding. It is setting the expection that certain times are by default couple time. You agree to it.


----------



## michelle13 (Oct 23, 2012)

I didn't read through the entire thread but I thought I'd share my opinion. I have told my husband not to cum in me. I think it stinks and it does feel gross trickling out for the entire next day. I did not tell him in the middle of sex however. I told him when we first made the decision to stop using condoms. I told him how I felt about it and he didn't seem to mind. He has pulled out since the beginning.


----------



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

I am with the wife here. I absolutely HATE semen. It is the worst bodily fluid next to vomit. It tastes and smells like dirty fish tank water. I will never swallow and I don't want it anywhere on my skin. Hubby respects that and if he didn't too bad. I'm not gonna be forced to do something I don't want to.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

So your sex life consists of giving him a handjob with a sock over his penis?



vspinkgrl said:


> I am with the wife here. I absolutely HATE semen. It is the worst bodily fluid next to vomit. It tastes and smells like dirty fish tank water. I will never swallow and I don't want it anywhere on my skin. Hubby respects that and if he didn't too bad. I'm not gonna be forced to do something I don't want to.


----------



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

No, my sex life consists of spitting when there is a blow job. And if there is a hand job, I'm off to wash my hands right after. I told hubby I'll swallow for life, if he lets me spit it in his mouth and he swallows that crap. Yuck!
And we use condoms. I'm sorry I don't want to be bathed in semen when he finishes. Everyone is entitled to their own turn ons and turn offs.
And when I was pregnant there were NO blow jobs at all unless he wanted to be covered in vomit after. I also didn't like the feeling of him finishing in me a lot of the time. Pregnancy can make you annoyed and disgusted at things you once loved even. So I am on the wifes side.


----------



## michelle13 (Oct 23, 2012)

vspinkgrl said:


> No, my sex life consists of spitting when there is a blow job. And if there is a hand job, I'm off to wash my hands right after. I told hubby I'll swallow for life, if he lets me spit it in his mouth and he swallows that crap. Yuck!
> And we use condoms. I'm sorry I don't want to be bathed in semen when he finishes. Everyone is entitled to their own turn ons and turn offs.
> And when I was pregnant there were NO blow jobs at all unless he wanted to be covered in vomit after. I also didn't like the feeling of him finishing in me a lot of the time. Pregnancy can make you annoyed and disgusted at things you once loved even. So I am on the wifes side.


What if he had've said yes he'd swallow it? I told my H the same thing and he was grossed out by it so it's never been an issue...
But I did have an ex that said he'd actually like that! I was stuck in my own words and felt I had to let him cum in my mouth. He did go thru with it and swallowed his own cum many times. He liked it.


----------



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

Michelle I just gagged reading that. My hubby said hell no and if he said yes..I think I would begin to question things.


----------



## michelle13 (Oct 23, 2012)

I didn't mean to make you gag. Yeah my hubby said hell no too. I told him about the ex and he's said he's nasty... lol


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

He must love it. 



vspinkgrl said:


> No, my sex life consists of spitting when there is a blow job. And if there is a hand job, I'm off to wash my hands right after. I told hubby I'll swallow for life, if he lets me spit it in his mouth and he swallows that crap. Yuck!
> And we use condoms. I'm sorry I don't want to be bathed in semen when he finishes. Everyone is entitled to their own turn ons and turn offs.
> And when I was pregnant there were NO blow jobs at all unless he wanted to be covered in vomit after. I also didn't like the feeling of him finishing in me a lot of the time. Pregnancy can make you annoyed and disgusted at things you once loved even. So I am on the wifes side.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

jd08 said:


> Literally while I'm inside her she says "don't cum inside me, it's gross."
> 
> Seriously? Dont I have a right to be mad here? It killed the mood and I stopped immediately.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 She should have told you this before you started having sex. to use a condom. to be honest I dont like sex with condoms, but cause I cant take the pill due to hypertension, to dangerous and dont want kids we have to use them and I find it not to good with them really. they say they make them thinner but still not that great.


----------



## michelle13 (Oct 23, 2012)

jd08 said:


> Literally while I'm inside her she says "don't cum inside me, it's gross."
> 
> Seriously? Dont I have a right to be mad here? It killed the mood and I stopped immediately.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry I didn't answer your question directly jd08, You do have a right to be mad. That would kill the mood and you should have been told before any hanky panky started that she didn't like it. At least then you'd be aware of what was comfortable for her. She had bad timing. I do not think that there is anything wrong with her thinking it's gross. However it is wrong of her to not consider your feelings when telling you. Some of which might be blamed on pregnancy hormones. I was very impatient while pregnant and I know a lot of women that are. It might have come out wrong on her part. I hope this helps...


----------



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

jd08 said:


> He must love it.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




He loves me and loves the blow jobs I give him. Swallowing doesn't make the blow job, neither does seeing his semen on my skin.

My husbands last chick was one who wanted to have him finish on parts of her body and he said it was a bit disturbing. Not everyone wants a cum lover.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better about yourself.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Rejecting the semen is rejecting the man. It's part of having sex, get over it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

*Re: Re: In the middle of sex tonight and my wife tells me not to cum inside of her*



BrockLanders said:


> Rejecting the semen is rejecting the man. It's part of having sex, get over it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What if the man rejects his semen, does that mean he rejects himself?


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> What if the man rejects his semen, does that mean he rejects himself?


That would be illogical. A man cannot share himself with himself. Semen is a metaphor for love. A man can love himself but he cannot give love to himself. So it's moot...


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

vspinkgrl said:


> No, my sex life consists of spitting when there is a blow job. And if there is a hand job, I'm off to wash my hands right after. I told hubby I'll swallow for life, if he lets me spit it in his mouth and he swallows that crap. Yuck!
> And we use condoms. I'm sorry I don't want to be bathed in semen when he finishes. Everyone is entitled to their own turn ons and turn offs.
> And when I was pregnant there were NO blow jobs at all unless he wanted to be covered in vomit after. I also didn't like the feeling of him finishing in me a lot of the time. Pregnancy can make you annoyed and disgusted at things you once loved even. So I am on the wifes side.


Absolutely we all have our turn offs/ons. It just seems so unloving to turn sex into something that is viewed as gross, crap, yuck. 

I have to wonder if these husbands that tell their wives that it is OK to view their semen as gross, really do mean it. I know my partner loves the fact that I love his taste and we have lots of messy sex. He would be offended if I said "yuck, that's gross".
I would feel terrible if that is how I viewed him. It is turning what should be a bonding experience into a routine experience that requires immediate clean up.


----------



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

I will keep telling myself that, thanks. And you and your wife keep doing whatever it is you do in bed also

Rejecting the semen is rejecting the man?? My hubby hates sex or oral on my period so I should tell him to lap that shnt up and accept the woman? He has a right to be grossed the eff out. 

I don't go yuck if it happens, but I'm not gonna swallow or rub it all over me or ask him to finish on me. He knows its not a turn on for me. Being together intimately with someone you love and understands you in bonding enough for me..a bodily fluid does not bond me to anyone.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Honestly I can't imagine any greater slight than a woman saying my semen was offensive. You might as well write your own ticket home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Holland said:


> I have to wonder if these husbands that tell their wives that it is OK to view their semen as gross, really do mean it.


Of course not. But can you imagine what he'd go through if he told her the truth? I mean its not like she's shy with her thought on him.


----------



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

I also agree that she should have made her distaste for this clear before you two engaged in sex but from being there, pregnancy can turn a woman into a whole other person.


----------



## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

vspinkgrl said:


> I will keep telling myself that, thanks. And you and your wife keep doing whatever it is you do in bed also
> 
> Rejecting the semen is rejecting the man?? My hubby hates sex or oral on my period so I should tell him to lap that shnt up and accept the woman? He has a right to be grossed the eff out.
> 
> I don't go yuck if it happens, but I'm not gonna swallow or rub it all over me or ask him to finish on me. He knows its not a turn on for me. Being together intimately with someone you love and understands you in bonding enough for me..a bodily fluid does not bond me to anyone.


I cant speak for your man but nothing that comes from my woman could be construed as gross.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

Actually hubby has asked me to swallow and I have simply said no. I've done it maybe twice in our 8 years together. When I give him oral I don't make a scene about it..I let it all die down and go spit and rinse my mouth out. He asked me why I don't swallow and I said because it makes me ill and I dont see why that needs to be done, but I do love giving you oral. His response "Ok" 
Who cares that much to break up over something like that?


----------



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> I cant speak for your man but nothing that comes from my woman could be construed as gross.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good then, go have yourself a nice ounce of period blood and wash it down with some oddly smelling discharge:smthumbup:


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

vspinkgrl said:


> Good then, go have yourself a nice ounce of period blood and wash it down with some oddly smelling discharge:smthumbup:


Plenty of people have PIV sex while on their period, sure oral is another thing but you make it all sound so feral. 

Does your DH give you oral? Does he go and wash his mouth out afterwards?


----------



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

Holland said:


> Plenty of people have PIV sex while on their period, sure oral is another thing but you make it all sound so feral.
> 
> Does your DH give you oral? Does he go and wash his mouth out afterwards?[/QUOTE He doesn't wash his mouth after, but I don't squirt to the back of his throat when I cum.
> 
> And to be clear I don't care what anyone else does in their bedroom. I was stating that I can sympathize with the wife on this one.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

vspinkgrl said:


> Holland said:
> 
> 
> > Plenty of people have PIV sex while on their period, sure oral is another thing but you make it all sound so feral.
> ...


----------



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

And I have stated to hubby I don't like the taste. So since I don't like the taste, and it makes me physically ill...I should what? Still swallow? Gargle with it? Give me a break. 

He says he doesnt like sex or oral on my period. I say fine, we dont have to there are plenty other days of the month.
I say I do not want to swallow or have you ejaculating on me. He says fine, we dont have to, you can spit or I can ejaculate in the condom or if its safe inside of you (I'm not opposed to this on a regular, just when pregnant).
Marriage. Compromise. Done.


----------



## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

Back when we actually used to have sex, my wife would get really wet. I loved to slip a finger in her while doing oral, and then lick my fingers.


----------



## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

*Re: Re: In the middle of sex tonight and my wife tells me not to cum inside of her*



Plan 9 from OS said:


> That would be illogical. A man cannot share himself with himself. Semen is a metaphor for love. A man can love himself but he cannot give love to himself. So it's moot...


It was a joke Plan 9 Lmao.
And a man sure can give love to himself


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I think this thread went in the weeds here. I don't think the issue is whether a woman should spit or swallow semen when giving a BJ or if it's gross for a man to lick a woman's vaginal lube and period blood.

The OP was about JD and his wife having unprotected sex (which JD assumed would end with him finishing inside his wife), and in the middle of sex JD's wife tell him "do not cum inside me because I think it's gross". It's between JD and his wife regarding what they do in their sex life, but it's a kick in the balls to JD when everything proceeds along a certain path only to find out while in the middle of things that the wife wanted to change the rules. I'd be pissed too. 

I don't know how it is for other couples and what other men are thinking, but for me the process of ejaculating inside my wife is very personal and intimate. I would be upset if that was ever taken away from me, and my wife told me to use condoms from here on out. I would not accept that. But that's just me.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> It was a joke Plan 9 Lmao.
> And a man sure can give love to himself


I was joking too, but it's hard to deadpan on the interwebs... I thought I gave it away when I equated semen with love...LOL


----------



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

Holland said:


> vspinkgrl said:
> 
> 
> > That's fine to not care what goes on in another's home, I would think most feel the same. Thing is when people come into a public forum and freely state their disdain for peoples behaviour then they should be able to have a discussion about the issue.
> ...


----------



## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

jd08 said:


> JWilliams, the timing of the comment is what got me more than anything. I mean yeah it pisses me off that she is rejecting the act of unprotected sexual intercourse with me but to do so right in the middle is a dagger.


 I can kind of relate on a less personal level, years ago when I went out with this guy once before I met my husband he was like that, we started kissing and the guy said to me, oh you are not very good at this are you? and I just glared at him and said, and you think you are! that ruined it and I didnt see him again after that.


----------



## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

vspinkgrl said:


> Holland said:
> 
> 
> > I don't think being truthful about why I always spit is putting a wall up. He is my husband and its a perk to be able to be 100% honest sexually with someone and have them be the same with you. The conversation went pretty normally.
> ...


----------



## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

vspinkgrl said:


> Holland said:
> 
> 
> > I don't think being truthful about why I always spit is putting a wall up. He is my husband and its a perk to be able to be 100% honest sexually with someone and have them be the same with you. The conversation went pretty normally.
> ...


----------



## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

Holland said:


> vspinkgrl said:
> 
> 
> > That's fine to not care what goes on in another's home, I would think most feel the same. Thing is when people come into a public forum and freely state their disdain for peoples behaviour then they should be able to have a discussion about the issue.
> ...


----------



## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

vspinkgrl said:


> Good then, go have yourself a nice ounce of period blood and wash it down with some oddly smelling discharge:smthumbup:


 ewww. with or without the tampax.LOL


----------



## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

I was wondering that maybe the ladies can offer some advice here. My wife complained that my semen "burns" her inside. It usually stops burning if we have PIV often, but that is not the case lately. So for the past two years when we have sex, it is strictly oral (on my part, she rarely reciprocates orally), and I suspect that it so because of the burning sensation, although I don't know because we don't talk about sex lately.

She confessed that the first time we had unprotected sex my semen was burning her so much that she thought I gave her an STD. On the side note, I remember one time I got some of my semen on a girlfriend face, and later it became red where it had been contaminated.


----------



## michelle13 (Oct 23, 2012)

Rakkasan said:


> I was wondering that maybe the ladies can offer some advice here. My wife complained that my semen "burns" her inside. It usually stops burning if we have PIV often, but that is not the case lately. So for the past two years when we have sex, it is strictly oral (on my part, she rarely reciprocates orally), and I suspect that it so because of the burning sensation, although I don't know because we don't talk about sex lately.
> 
> She confessed that the first time we had unprotected sex my semen was burning her so much that she thought I gave her an STD. On the side note, I remember one time I got some of my semen on a girlfriend face, and later it became red where it had been contaminated.


I have never heard of that or encountered it... I would see a doctor. Were you both tested for STDs?


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Rakkasan, I HAVE had that happen to me before. It was mild, but turned out I had the start of an infection...can't remember if it was yeast or bacterial vaginosis at the time. It doesn't mean it's an STD causing the problem, but she definitely should get her doctor to check it out.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Rakkasan said:


> I was wondering that maybe the ladies can offer some advice here. My wife complained that my semen "burns" her inside. It usually stops burning if we have PIV often, but that is not the case lately. So for the past two years when we have sex, it is strictly oral (on my part, she rarely reciprocates orally), and I suspect that it so because of the burning sensation, although I don't know because we don't talk about sex lately.
> 
> She confessed that the first time we had unprotected sex my semen was burning her so much that she thought I gave her an STD. On the side note, I remember one time I got some of my semen on a girlfriend face, and later it became red where it had been contaminated.


The burning is probably friction burns from not being properly lubricated.

The vagina is normally acidic and semen is normally alkaline. So semen should actually have a neutralizing effect.


----------



## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

Nah, you don't get an STD out of the sudden when you are in a monogamous relationship for 13 years. The burning semen sensation is not all that uncommon:

http://www.baylordoctor.com/2012/03/question-why-does-my-husbands-sperm.html?m=1

My wife is a bit sensitive down there, she won't even use a tampon.


----------



## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

A thread like this will make those of us with smaller problems really rethink our whining huh?


----------



## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

Middle of Everything said:


> A thread like this will make those of us with smaller problems really rethink our whining huh?


How small is your "problem"?


----------



## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Rakkasan said:


> How small is your "problem"?


My wife and I have issues from time to time in regards to our sex life. Apparently small ones. Just trying to make some of us feel better about our mole hills we make into mountains.

Just glad I dont have "acid" cum I guess.


----------



## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

It is not too bad. Apparently it burns only after taking long breaks from sex, like the time when I left home for 15 months.


----------



## mikembt (Oct 21, 2017)

poshshorty said:


> I would imagine it would instantly stop sex on a dime! If she doesn't want it like that then maybe use a condom? It seems pretty insensitive to me. I am sorry she did that.


I think you should consider that she is cheating on you and having the other guy cum inside her and now she is grossed out about you because she doesn't feel the same about you anymore!!! That is a very weird behavior!! Watch out!!

What woman doesn't like a man to cum inside her? The majority loves it!!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Zombie thread.


----------

