# Marriage counseling to assist separation



## drsparkle (Aug 7, 2011)

Dear all 
I would be grateful for your opinions. 

I have been separated from my husband for 10 weeks now. ( married 2 years, together 14). He was having an emotional affair which has now progressed to seeing her and kissing her. 

He came back after one week but then left a week later adamant it is over. Still 10 weeks later he is saying it is over and we have grown apart and he has strong feelings for this woman. 

I am a bloody mess and cannot accept his reasoning or decision. 
10 weeks on despite him standing firm and not saying anything to give me hope. I still cannot accept it and move one. Trying no contact but when we do speak i end up crying and begging or being nasty. 

We went to 2 sessions of marriage counselling, the week prior to the split and one week after. The second session i was very raw and upset , the counsellor was quite harsh on my hubbie.

I asked him today if he would come to counselling to help me accept and move on, not with a view to reconciliation. He said he would consider it. 

I was wondering how many people have used joint counselling to assist with separation and was it successful? Does it fly in the face of the 180.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Since I have been in your position, I don't really see joint counseling helping you. My estranged husband showed up to our first marriage counseling session (after we were already separated), and announced he was only there to get an amicable divorce. The sessions after that did much more harm than good. 

I ended up finding a great individual therapist and fared much better with her. Essentially the less I see out of my estranged husband the better--and it's been 3 1/2 years. It's hard to heal when there is a reminder of the betrayal. And every time I see my estranged husband it is a reminder of what he destroyed. 

I wish you well.


----------



## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

827Aug said:


> Since I have been in your position, I don't really see joint counseling helping you. My estranged husband showed up to our first marriage counseling session (after we were already separated), and announced he was only there to get an amicable divorce. The sessions after that did much more harm than good.
> 
> I ended up finding a great individual therapist and fared much better with her. Essentially the less I see out of my estranged husband the better--and it's been 3 1/2 years. It's hard to heal when there is a reminder of the betrayal. And every time I see my estranged husband it is a reminder of what he destroyed.
> 
> I wish you well.


Terrible, horrible, sad. I am sorry to not be of much help either but this is also true when I see my adult kids. I love them so very much but when I see them, they remind me about what we had but I smile and treasure those memories instead of harbor ill feelings. It is difficult; I think the only thing that will work for you is if you learn to be grateful that you had him in your life and that you had wonderful moments together. Learn to accept those thoughts as gifts and treasured experiences instead of sadness of what could have been and you will find it easier to see him in the future.


----------

