# I have filed for divorce



## upsetDan (Jun 17, 2014)

this is prob my 4th thread and I wanted to do it to show the new members of this page the full cycle of how this generally works.

My wife wanted space, I moved out, she closed up, I tried, begged, pleaded, failed.

She blew hot and cold, gave me hope, smashed me back down. Got friendly with a guy, told me just friends, that ended after a few weeks (guessing he got what he wanted a left) she wanted me back, then she gets nasty again.....

We have three kids, my eldest (5) is suffering from emotional distress and is very unhappy daddy is not at home. This week he finds my wife in bed with another man and it has messed him up! He won't stop talking about it, I obviously am also upset... My wife who I have spent 6 months trying to get back has been sleeping with random guys!!

Today is our second wedding anniversary, yesterday I filed for divorce. I was deluded and convinced myself for months she was telling me the truth, the truth is as soon as your out the house, she is looking at a new life, without you, they will
String you along. I have read it so many times on here, I told myself my situation is different, it wasn't, it's all the same. When one person makes the decision to leave the marriage "for space or whatever" it's done. They have emotionally detached from the marriage, there is a very slim chance that will come
Back, and ask yourself...... Could this happen again and again if they did chose to come back. 

You guys who have advised me, your great, thank you. Dan.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Alan_ (Jun 28, 2014)

So sorry for you Dan. I don't know that my wife has another man but everything else you said is spot on. Like you, I am laying here reading all the posts, looking for comfort. Mine started with the needing space talk and now I'm 25 days away from a judge canceling the last 20 years of my life. It's out of my hands now. But probably was from the start. I'm going to church in a few hours and I hope it's okay if I add you to a rather lengthy prayer list. Best wishes and I hope for comfort and pray you have wisdom to understand and deal with the crisis.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Legalaff (May 31, 2014)

Hi. I am separated 6 months now after 17 yrs of marriage. He cheated, and was physically abusive when confronted. He called recently to talk about MC but I refused because I believe it would be worst, he will cheat again and the physical abuse might be fatal.
We have two children 17 yr male and 11 yr female.
It will hurt, but you have to be strong. I thought my world ended. Prayer is the only way.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Dan, not that its any consolation, but the reason she wanted separation was so that she could "try out' other men. This, of course, is despicable behaviour and very dangerous to be randomly bringing strange men home when there are such young kids around - if you get proof of this, you can go for primary custody.

This started long before she asked for the separation and your biggest mistake was leaving the house - I guess hindsight is 20/20.

You should have stayed and carried a VAR on you at all times in case she tried to set you up for violence or something.

In any case your main battle now is for custody for your kids. Try and get pictures, proof of these different men coming home.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Dan,

I have followed all your threads. I'm very sorry this happened to you, but I'm also very glad you're moving forward with your life.

Re-read your own post when you are feeling any moments of weakness or if she tries to "nice" her way back in.

It will just be more of the same.

Best of luck and I hope you keep posting here. Your situation and outcome will be invaluable to others in the same boat. And you'll find tons more support along the way.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

So sorry for you pain.
Not that this is any consolation, but you can be much stronger now for your kids. They need a grown-up parent.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Congrats for taking control of your life.


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## Jonas (Jul 27, 2013)

Dan, short of having one of my kids find my wife in bed with another man, our stories share a lot of similarities. I hope that you find closure and happiness soon.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*So sorry to hear that, Dan! But we are and will continue to be here for you! God's speed!*


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## WYBadger (Mar 3, 2014)

Dan,

So sorry you are here. Unfortunately, many of us have similar stories, mine included. Yours sounds even more painful with several small children involved, my heart goes out to you and to them.

Human nature, being what it is, it could very well happen again. I once thought the same thing about my STBXW, but she's shown me what she's capable of and I fear she'll never put in the effort to change.

Hopefully you can start getting closure through divorce and move on with your life, I'm in the same boat. It's a scary time ahead, but it has to be better than the time we've been experiencing.


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## upsetDan (Jun 17, 2014)

cheers guys.

to be honest i am fine. i mean it. 
i wasted so much time and energy trying to fix something that could never be fixed. my wife is a liar and a cheat and i could never forgive that. I have had almost no contact with her since saturday, still been speaking with kids on phone, and have them this saturday. 
she is what she is.

I know who i am, and what i want, and i have my life back on track. I am moving in the right direction, and so far no down moments. I am truely happier now than i have been in a long time.

DAN IS BACK!!!


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## upsetDan (Jun 17, 2014)

WYBadger said:


> Dan,
> 
> So sorry you are here. Unfortunately, many of us have similar stories, mine included. Yours sounds even more painful with several small children involved, my heart goes out to you and to them.
> 
> ...


Your so right. I have not read your thread, but the truth is we are all in the same situations, and most endings are the same. Its hard at the time, but there will be a day for you where you will wake up and your light for your ex would have gone off. mine has, and now that has happened i am moving forward. positivly. keep in touch


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## upsetDan (Jun 17, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> Dan,
> 
> I have followed all your threads. I'm very sorry this happened to you, but I'm also very glad you're moving forward with your life.
> 
> ...


I will keep posting, thank you for your post. I feel that people who have been through this can really help people who are going through it


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

She is no longer plan A or B. Just D for divorce.


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