# Ladies opinion...is this poor taste?



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I have a friend Lynne who I have know for 35 years (we're both fifty) We have always been casual friends, only hanging out at group get together with other friends. We both got divorced about the same time and she has asked me out probably six or more times, I always politely decline. I have told her we have to much history and I don't want to ruin our friendship, truthfully I am not attracted to her because of her personality but I could never say that to her.

Last weekend at I met a woman at a function while Lynne was in the group, I didn't brag it up but my one friend asked if I got her number and I said yes. Later after the woman had left Lynne asked me to go to a pig roast with her in two weeks, again I politely declined. So now Lynne is upset with me, she told my buddies wife that she can't believe I never go out with her but have no qualms about picking some woman up in front of her. 

Am I out of line here? I think I've made it clear I don't want to date Lynne but do I need to hide my social life from her? Can I never take a date to a party if Lynnes there?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No, you're not out of line at all.

She clearly does not respect your boundaries whichis why she keeps asking you out. It also sounds like she got jealous you got some other lady's digits and it stung.

If she comes at you again tell her in very clear terms "You and I are friends for 35 years now. I would never want to ruin that. I enjoy being your friend and know we can remain as such."

End point.

You don't have to explain away WHY you don't want to get it on with her or date her etc any further.

If she presses, then you may want to blank her for awhile. 

And you don't have to hide your social life from her either. If she asks you straight up if you have been going out with someone or dating, tell her. "I got X's # and I really like her. We may go out some time." Ta-da. End point.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Who really is this Lynn who automatically ASSUMES She is the one for you - I agree with all that Jellybeans just said above.

She is not understanding or taking into account your wishes, desires and what YOU want, she is a bit HIGH and assuming on herself, which would alone, be quite UNattractive. Obviously you are her fantasy, but she needs more humility in dealing with anothers wants . 

You owe her no explanations at all, but that doesn't mean you have to ignore her, just speak the truth. You are just living your life, you never made any commitments to this woman -nor broke them. We can not control what others "expect" from us .

You have been kind in declining, not leading her on in any way, MOST get the hint, she refusesd, this falls at her feet, she has just refused to see it coming. 

She has a broken heart, but she needs to know, better you met someone else so she can "move on" throw this idea into the ocean. You can not pick up the peices of something you didn't break. She assumed something she should not have and allowed herself to get broken.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Cooper ~

I agree with the other posters. Lynne obviously is the kind of person who doesn't take a hint very well - after being declined so many times. She must be trying to wear you down. 

I still think that you can just be honest - "Lynne, I really value your friendship and want to continue with that. While I'm flattered, I am not interested in a romantic relationship with you. I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't ask me to any more functions as a 'date'."

Then, let the chips fall where they may. Continue on with your life - dating whom you want, and go ahead and go to functions where she may be even if you have a date. Just maintain a normal, friendly, neutral tone with her. 

Best of luck.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> I still think that you can just be honest - "Lynne, I really value your friendship and want to continue with that. While I'm flattered, I am not interested in a romantic relationship with you. I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't ask me to any more functions as a 'date'."


Perfectly stated!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

:iagree:


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Thanks ladies, I have told her us going out would mess up our friendship but have never come out and told her I'm not interested in her romantically, she's a bit sensitive and that would hurt her feelings. I really wish she would stop asking!


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Well, telling her that you aren't interested in her romantically would probably hurt less than constantly asking you out and you always turn her down, correct?

If the chemistry isn't there, it isn't there. You don't need to feel guilty about getting a phone number from someone you are actually attracted to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Telling her you're not interested romantically is the key to putting an end to all of this.

Be honest. Enchantment's response is perfect because it's nice and to the point.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Cooper said:


> Thanks ladies, I have told her us going out would mess up our friendship but have never come out and told her I'm not interested in her romantically, she's a bit sensitive and that would hurt her feelings. I really wish she would stop asking!


About a sensitive as a 2X4. I'm embarassed for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

golfergirl said:


> About a sensitive as a 2X4. I'm embarassed for her.


This is good, I like this ! Funny she is only sensitive if it hurts her, she has zero sensitivity in pushing herself all over you.


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## INTHEClouds (Aug 10, 2011)

Cooper said:


> I have a friend Lynne who I have know for 35 years (we're both fifty) We have always been casual friends, only hanging out at group get together with other friends. We both got divorced about the same time and she has asked me out probably six or more times, I always politely decline. I have told her we have to much history and I don't want to ruin our friendship, truthfully I am not attracted to her because of her personality but I could never say that to her.
> 
> Last weekend at I met a woman at a function while Lynne was in the group, I didn't brag it up but my one friend asked if I got her number and I said yes. Later after the woman had left Lynne asked me to go to a pig roast with her in two weeks, again I politely declined. So now Lynne is upset with me, she told my buddies wife that she can't believe I never go out with her but have no qualms about picking some woman up in front of her.
> 
> Am I out of line here? I think I've made it clear I don't want to date Lynne but do I need to hide my social life from her? Can I never take a date to a party if Lynnes there?


Though I am new here I want to comment on this post. You are not out of line at all. Lynne is not reading the signal you are giving her. You do not need to hide your social life or justify your choices. Clearly you care about hurting her or you would not have come here. So I say live your life and if she takes issue with that, then you should have a calm and respectful talk with her. Regardless of how she handles the talk, you will know you did the right thing. How she takes it is not your problem. You are not responsible for her feelings. As a woman it would be hard to hear that from a man but I say the truth is always the best. I will have more respect for the person who was kindly honest with me.


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