# Endless white nights



## doiforus (Nov 14, 2010)

I'm tired and depressed. I have trouble with sleeping just like this night and last night even I took sleeping pill. I have no one that I can trust and dare to share my (or our) problem with, but to put my thoughts here and hoping for some help from you who has some the same experience and you who may give me objective judment and advice.

We have been marriged for 16 years and have kids.We have lot of arguments but they were settled somehow. For the last 10 years it has became worst and the worst thing is we bad sex life or almost none. It less and less. First I didn't think much about that and just felt a bit uneasy. Somehow I think it is not appricated to talk about sex (maybe it dues to my Asian background). 

Now I'm afraid when the nights fall. I feel empty, angry, hurt. It not just physical need but the paint is deep in my heart. I feel unwanted, feel uggly and old. He never try to come to bed the same time with me, he go to bet either ealier or later. While I lay awake, he snores, he doesn't know how many white nights I have had, and how much tears I have dropped. Both I and he know he have some problem with "erec" but he never try much. He said often (usually in the mornings while we are hurry to work) he loves me and I'm very sexy (I believe it that he is sincere). I try to help him by giving some herbal treatment, he think it tates too bad, one he when to the doctor and got some medicine, he used it once and complained it makes him sick. I believe he doen't need or want to have sex. At few occations I was very sad and angry, and said to him I'm just over 30 but feel like 60. He didn't respond.

I don't belive he will do anything to change the situation and I'm not begging him to make me feel I am woman (I said to him too). We are like we are. We be there for the kids. He is a good father and a faithful husband. But the true is, I went to gym, go to courses to get my motion and energy away from the problem, but when the nights come the problem is there, it's hurting me too much.


For my childrens sake how should I do? How should I put myself together to escape from depression? How should I do what is good and correct? Am I too selfish to not except the fact?

Please forgive me for my bad English, I have tried my best in my mixed emotion. 
Thank you for reading.
Doiforus


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

doiforus said:


> While I lay awake, he snores, he doesn't know how many white nights I have had, and how much tears I have dropped.


im so sorry. i know this feeling all too well. my husband doesnt have much of a desire for me either. we used to have bad fights and i left him twice. one night i packed up my stuff and drove away. he just went to bed. the only thing that he's ever lost sleep over was a video game he couldnt beat.

I wish i could give you some advice to stop the pain but im kind of in the same situation. the only thing that has stopped me from crying every night is being too exhausted. i keep myself really busy so i dont have much time to think about it. thats probably not the best solution but at least it has helped alleviate the pain and allow me to get on with my life. and ive kind of decided i dont want to have sex with him. i dont really see him the same way anymore so i dont have much of a drive to be with him.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Do you seduce him? 

Do you touch his coxk often? 

Do you sleep naked and cuddle with him?

Do you stroke him and caress him? 

Do you wear matching sexy underwear? 

Do you wear clothes he likes to look at? 

Does he like this kind of stuff? 

Have you ever asked him what can arouse him? 

Do you talk to him about sex, jokingly and mischievously?

Does he open himself up to you? 

Is he stressed by work? 

Please think about these questions and talk to him!


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## MissMoneypenny (Nov 22, 2010)

doiforus I really feel for you. Like yourself and Blanca, I've spent many a lonely night crying my eyes out. It is the worst feeling ever to feel unwanted, ugly, uncared for. It makes you insecure and unable to make decisions about... anything in general anymore. It upsets your epicentre, making you unbalanced in so many things.

The only advice I can give you at this time is do not stay with your husband only because of your children. I'm assuming you married your husband because you wanted to be with him, not because of your children? 

If you're like me, you believe your husband is the most important person/thing in your life - then come your children. Don't forget that your children will eventually leave home and move on with their lives, and all that will be left then will be you and your husband. Only women who have been disappointed by their husband think their children come first and to hell with their husband.

I believe your children will be just fine if you do end up separating, as long as they still get to see their father. Quite honestly, I hope you find a solution. Your being Asian, I appreciate you won't be keen on separation or divorce. I'm not keen on either myself, however, I am very keen on mental stability. 

Everyone reaches a point whereby they just can't take it anymore. Every time he says no, or rejects you, it kills a small part of you and your emotions become more and more shredded to pieces. You just can't understand why and that kills you even more. You find yourself feeling stuck and try to find excuses to hang onto the relationship and stay with him. I think when you start sacrificing your integrity and sanity, it has to stop to preserve your own self worth, or you just end up drowning in misery and sorrow.

I know it sucks but if it helps, it looks like we're not alone. 

I wish you all the luck in the world and if you ever want to chat, even just to get things off your chest and share it with someone, don't hesitate to get in touch either via your post or in private.


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