# dirty texts



## howtotrustagain (Apr 18, 2010)

Im 7 1/2 months and I just found out that my husband has been going to parenting chat rooms since we are about to have our first child. No problem there but a women from the chat room started to im him. The im's started out inoccent but one night became sexual. My husband claims it was the first time this has ever happened. It also happens that he had set up a gmail account and they had shared pictures there. After confronting him we put it all on the table and he admitted to having a fake facebook account as well as the extra email account. I lost all trust in him and now I don't know what to do. Any input would be great.


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## NightOwl (Sep 28, 2009)

howtotrustagain said:


> Im 7 1/2 months and I just found out that my husband has been going to parenting chat rooms since we are about to have our first child. No problem there but a women from the chat room started to im him. The im's started out inoccent but one night became sexual. My husband claims it was the first time this has ever happened. It also happens that he had set up a gmail account and they had shared pictures there. After confronting him we put it all on the table and he admitted to having a fake facebook account as well as the extra email account. I lost all trust in him and now I don't know what to do. Any input would be great.


1. Transparency - you need passwords to all his accounts. Fake accounts must be deleted. Check everything a few times a week. If he's not willing to do this he's hiding something.

2. Counseling. You are navigating the transition to becoming parents, and that and who knows what else is straining your relationship. Nip the issues in the bud now.


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## AJ2010 (Apr 2, 2010)

Let me preface this by stating I am in no way taking your husband's side in this, and I think you have every right to be mistrustful at this point and question all of his actions!

Having said that, when my wife was pregnant with our children, although I was very excited in each case, my wife seemed to be much more focused on herself and the coming baby. All of her attention was devoted to the baby and herself. Very little attention was placed on me. I can understand that to a certain extent, in fact, it may be natural. However, I felt that I had become secondary, and even a nuisance to my wife. She would talk about HER baby and activities and plans she had for HER and the baby. Rarely did I hear myself included in those plans or hear her refer to the baby as OURS, unless she was berating me for something and telling me how I was going to have to make changes for MY new child. Its possible that I was just feeling a slight jealousy towards all the attention she was getting and that she was paying to the baby and only heard it that way because I felt she was leaving me out. Its also possible that she was really talking that way, which made me feel left out. Chicken or the egg?
Regardless, how have you treated your husband during your pregnancy? Is it possible you have excluded him from the planning and excitement of becoming a father? Or maybe that wasn't really the case, but how he felt? That could have opened the door to him rationalizing seeking attention elsewhere. Once again, I'm not laying the blame on YOU for what happened! I'm simply trying to shed some light on a possible reason for it. (BTW - I never cheated on my wife or did anything inappropriate in our relationship, even during that troubling time.)

Second, although his actions are completely wrong, I think you have to give him some credit for coming clean with information he freely gave to you about the 2nd email account and fake FB page. That would seem to me to be an indication he does feel remorse about what he did, recognized that it was wrong, and is serious about making amends. He could have left those things hidden until you found out some other way, or never at all. He could have also never told you and just secretly deleted them altogether. Now, it is possible he was only giving you some token information to put you off the track and give you a false sense that he had completely come clean, and may have other accounts you aren't aware of still, but I would guess, not knowing you or your husband personally, that in most cases a spouse that admitted to so much was trying to confess all in hopes for eventual forgiveness. If you think its more likely the former and not the latter, I would suggest a keylogger for his computer. Then you will have a chance to see what he's really doing when he thinks you're not around.
Good luck to you all. I sincerely hope that you manage to work through this and have a happy, successful marriage!


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