# My wife says she has a great new innocent friendship with a male co worker



## mokeh (Jan 2, 2011)

I'm a 47 year old man and my wife is 39 years old. My wife and i have been married for 9 years and we have 2 children. Recently ( about 8 months) she met this man at work and before long, she and this guy were calling each other and texting each other constantly. Usually the calls were after 10 pm. Her phones now were constantly with her. She began putting her phone on silent. Eventually one day i read her texts and realized that she was texting this man all during the day.


The text were innocent but the sheer amount was cause for concern. she even had sent text to him 2 a.m. in the morning. when i confronted her about it, she described him as her new best friend who had many things in common with her. what i failed to mention is that this guy is a 20 years old temp, just getting work experience. this guy is 19 years younger than she is.



one can imagine my surprise when after speaking to her about my concerns she started finding ways to be out with this boy alone, coming home many times after 11 pm when normally she would be home earlier.


she started going to places where she could be alone with this guy: the beach, the park, concerts. One time she even skipped work to spend the day with this man. Another time after 11 pm she and he went on top of a huge 20 ft water tank over looking the area a few miles from where we live. . they had climbed up there and spent time there together. to be fair she told me about it the following day. she was so exited about learning of this high vantage point. i must admit that it was indeed an interesting place. i would not have been there at that hour though . I am not pleased with this new relationship but my wife tells me that its an innocent friendship and that i should trust her because they are just best friends. she even said that i was being paranoid. she and he even went to a lighthouse some 29 miles away on a work day and i only discovered when i stumbled on a picture from her cellphone. when i confronted her and asked why she had not told me about this outing, she told me that she did not want to disturb me at work.


recently i noticed that she sent pictures of herself to him on her cellphone. (no they were not nude pictures).

well even though i want to be supportive of friendship outside the marriage, i don't like her new want. which is to go sea bathing alone with this guy. she prefers now to go alone without the family (our son, daughter and me)

should i be concerned? and how should i go about getting through to her?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

It is an EA at the very least and very likely a PA.
What man takes a woman to the top of a water tower without trying to have sex with her?
Trust your gut. This is not good.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes be concerned and very concerned.

Well this guy just want one thing and your doesn't see it, so now you want to know how to stop it? You could wait for this EA to turn in to a PA (whitch it will) and get the proof and confront her her. Maybe get a PI or a friend to follow them (get some pictures).

I think the best course of action is confront your wife in that her "friendship" is not appropreite and you will tolorate it. She can end it know for the sake of the family or leave. 

The last thing you want to do is show weakness and fall for her BS. Show her a stronge and confident man that diserve respect and her "relationship" will brake the two of you apart.

Bottom line you should be her best friend and for some reason you are not so the both of you need to reconnect and fix the marriage. Hopefuly she goes along. I doubt it so you will listen to her line of BS and deny her ability to sleep with a young and charming 20 YO. who is giving your W a h*ell of alot more attention then you are.

I imagine it will be a matter of time befor you get the old" I love you but I'm not in love with you" or the " I'v been unhappy for years". That "parinoid" line is just part of the script all cheaters follow

Check out Affaircare and this site will give some good ammunition on how to end this EA. There some proven method on how to end this

Take over your marriage, and sorry for the spelling.


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

> One time she even skipped work to spend the day with this man.


After you got married.. has she ever skipped work to spend the day with you?


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## Tiredspouse0297 (Dec 9, 2010)

Is he gay? I'm 35 and had a gay best friend who was 15 years younger than me. He even spent the night at my house, with the ok from my husband. It could be totally innocent and it seems to be since all the messages etc. are innocent and she's been pretty honest with you. Maybe she is regaining some of her youth and just having a good time feeling young again? If she is neglecting her family though or if it's turning sexual then there is a problem.


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## mokeh (Jan 2, 2011)

No, he's not gay. as far as i know


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Sounds like she has found a young lover and she feels great being attracted by this young man, she just tells you nothing is happening. If the relationship is innocent, a man and a woman don't need to go out alone. And she is really challenging your man power! Looks like if you tell her not to, she does it anyway, and does it even more. 

You have to be strict with her, and tell her this is hurting your relationship, or she doesn't care about the relationship between you and her!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

If it were my wife, I'd give her the ultimatum: lose him or lose me and kid.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thinking about this a little more, my $0.02 is that mokeh realy needs the hard evidence of what is really going on. Hire a PI or a friend to follow them. Even getting a GPS and voice activated recorder hidden in her car ...will help in finding out how innocent this friendship is.

Right know he need to find out what really is going on. Then he can take the action he needs to.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

the guy said:


> Thinking about this a little more, my $0.02 is that mokeh realy needs the hard evidence of what is really going on. Hire a PI or a friend to follow them. Even getting a GPS and voice activated recorder hidden in her car ...will help in finding out how innocent this friendship is.
> 
> Right know he need to find out what really is going on. Then he can take the action he needs to.


No he doesn't.

He needs to man up and quit being such a nice guy.

The truth will come out.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

A work R? Talk to their boss, alone, and have him take the boy aside.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

F-102 said:


> A work R? Talk to their boss, alone, and have him take the boy aside.


He needs to deal with his wife.

No reason to pull her job into it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Come on, If he deals with his wife he's going to get the same BS. "Its innocent", "were just friends", my favorite "your parinoid"

She is getting the best of both worlds, She gets the security and stability of a wife, and get the attention and affection from a young stud who treats her like a women. Plus she gets to act like shes 20 again.

What makes you think that she is going to ruin a good thing by being honest with her husband and letting the truth come out?

Quitly investigate this relationship. Soon they will email or text some incriminating evidence. There probably holding hands and hugging... its been 8 month. 

mokeh will find it he just needs to look.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Put down some boundaries - and enforce them.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

the guy said:


> Thinking about this a little more, my $0.02 is that mokeh realy needs the hard evidence of what is really going on. Hire a PI or a friend to follow them. Even getting a GPS and voice activated recorder hidden in her car ...will help in finding out how innocent this friendship is.
> 
> Right know he need to find out what really is going on. Then he can take the action he needs to.


No need to hire a PI. What she is doing is already very disrespectful towards her man! 

If he wants to divorce her, then yes, PI!


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Put a voice activated recorder in her car. Then you can hear what she's REALLY talking to him about. Keylogger on the computer. If possible, get records of the actual text messages. Some companies have them, some don't. Once you confirm, don't let her know HOW you know these things. 

Take it from there.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

major misfit said:


> Put a voice activated recorder in her car. Then you can hear what she's REALLY talking to him about. Keylogger on the computer. If possible, get records of the actual text messages. Some companies have them, some don't. Once you confirm, don't let her know HOW you know these things.
> 
> Take it from there.


major, in Taiwan this is illegal, putting something into her car without her permission. She can sue him!


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## Tiredspouse0297 (Dec 9, 2010)

major misfit said:


> Put a voice activated recorder in her car. Then you can hear what she's REALLY talking to him about. Keylogger on the computer. If possible, get records of the actual text messages. Some companies have them, some don't. Once you confirm, don't let her know HOW you know these things.
> 
> Take it from there.


Agreed. You said all the messages you saw were innocent so do some more digging before you freak out. Maybe she just really needs someone to talk to. Are you being emotionally available to her? Just make sure you have more info before confronting her.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Many, many people have used VARs to catch cheating spouses. If you're overly concerned, check the laws in your state. But it's helped many to confirm their suspicions. They were just smart enough to NOT get caught with it, and NOT divulge HOW they came about the information. If someone is cheating on me...ALL BETS ARE OFF. If someone is lying to me then I'll do whatever I have to do to get to the bottom of things. They can sue me.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

mokeh said:


> she started going to places where she could be alone with this guy:...she and he even went to a lighthouse some 29 miles away on a work day and i only discovered when i stumbled on a picture from her cellphone. when i confronted her and asked why she had not told me about this outing, she told me that she did not want to disturb me at work.


To anyone who even came close to justifying this. You must have missed this above quote. But then again, I don't know how you could have even read any of the rest of it and not come to the conclusion that this is WAY inappropriate. Skipped a day of work to go on a major all day excursion w/ her little boyfriend and didn't tell the hubby because, what was it...?, _didn't want to bother him at work_?

Where's the thread I started a while ago on another site about lies we're supposed to believe...


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## lucky007 (Dec 30, 2010)

You have to be strong with your wishes. Your wife needs to end this affair, emotional or sexual ....... doesn't matter! It's hurtful. If she respects your relationship/famly she'll end it.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Sad thing is that for women like this, it's only after they're divorced, estranged from their family and friends and all alone after "Mr. Wonderful" dumped them, that they finally realize the mistake they had made.


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## alex77 (Jan 3, 2011)

I think it is very sad that most of the commenters on this thread are either encouraging you to force your wife to choose, or to spy on her and "catch her out".

I would assume based on the concern from your post that you love your wife, trust her and are giving her the benefit of the doubt.

I'd like to suggest a different approach then.

Next time you're going to a public social event - a baseball game, movie or whatever - suggest to your wife that she might like to invite her young work colleague along.

If she is telling the truth and it is innocent then there is no reason why she would refuse (unless it's something specific about the event, in which case make a few different suggestions over a period of time). 

This will give you the opportunity to judge the situation for yourself. Perhaps he just ignites a part of her that has been dormant for a while, perhaps it's something you can add to the marriage. If you see them together you'll be able to see your wife come alive and it will probably motivate you to give your wife those feelings that she can apparently only get from him, what's more you'll get a sense of how to do it.

Also you'll be able to get to know the guy and see whether he's really a threat, and whether her feelings towards him are the same as his towards her.

If she is having an affair, then she'll likely refuse all possible meetings, again and again, and never let you see them together. That's when I'd start to be worried.

But until then, give her the benefit of the doubt, and give her the chance to share this part of her life with you.

Good luck, let us know how it goes.
Regards
Alex (m/30s/married)


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