# Sex less marriage



## Tiffany Love (Dec 27, 2016)

Hello everyone, I'm new to the forum . I want to introduce myself. I'm Tiffany, 25 y/o and I'm a newlywed. My husband and I been married for about 3 months. Knowing each other for 6 months. I know is a short time but things felt right and we went for it. My husband is 29 y/o big guy really really big guy. I'd say about 300 pounds ( there's a reason why I'm mentioning this) in the time we been together we have only had sex twice. When we first had sex I was amazed how small his **** was, in my 25 years of life I had never had a **** so small. I'd say his **** is 2 inches the most. When I got on top of him, I could barely feel anything. With the been said I still went ahead and marry him cuz I love him. The day that we got marry we had sex and it was so bad I told him I didn't want to have sex anymore if we didn't do another position besides me riding him. A few days later we tried him on top but with his weight and his **** being so small it was a failed a big failed. I'm so disappointed. I love having sex I'm horny all the time and want to be **** and his not being able to do it makes me so mad and I'm starting to resent him. His an amazing husband like I've no words to describe how lucky I feel but when it comes to sex I'm lost at words. I don't know what to do. He says his doing his best to lose weight but I don't see him hitting the gym often enough. I don't wanna leave him and I know I won't but I hate this sex less marriage. If I tell him how I feel it'd crush him. Can anyone give me advice please. Thanks

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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Welcome to the Forum, sorry for the situation that brings you here.

His being so overweight is _definitely_ affecting his lengh, and his over all desire.

Does he want to have sex often, or is that only you?
I'm trying to figure out if he loves sex also, and wants to find a solution. 

If you are the one doing the grocery shopping and doing the cooking you will get to control most of what he consumes. You can also work together as a couple at the gym. Provide wholesome foods, with delicious healthy snacks, and support and access to a gym and you may end up super happy with the results!

I wish you the best!


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## Tiffany Love (Dec 27, 2016)

Spicy said:


> Welcome to the Forum, sorry for the situation that brings you here.
> 
> His being so overweight is _definitely_ affecting his lengh, and his over all desire.
> 
> ...


He does want to have sex too but him being so overweight doesn't help and he knows it. He eats healthy but doesn't go to the gym enough. I've told him many times to come to the gym with me (I usually go 3 times a week) but he keeps making excuses. I know I need to support him and I'm trying but I'm just getting so frustrated with him. 

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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

You need to decide if you're willing to live like this. If he doesn't start working out, this will not get better. 

When he makes an excuse, what he's expressing is that he doesn't care about your feelings, and your marital problems regarding this issue. He will of course deny this, but actions speak louder than words. So if you're letting him get by with lame excuses, stop, and start holding him accountable for what he's really doing.

And in regards to him "wanting to have sex", you've had sex twice in the past 9 months. That is not the mark of someone interested in sex.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

At that weight, unless he is exceptionally tall and from your description I don't gather that is the case, he is most likely morbidly obese, or super morbidly obese by his BMI calculations. The chances of him losing and maintaining the loss are less than 1%. (See articles below, simply the first three to show up in a google search). 

If that is the case, you may encourage him to see his primary doctor and get referred to a weight loss surgeon. Surgeries like _*Duodenal Switch*_ can be a wonderful option for men, as it leaves them able to eat much more normal than some surgical choices. The weight loss would have tremendously positive effect on both of you. There are risks, but there are risks to weighing over 300 lbs too. Weight loss surgery isn't a perfectly permanent tool either. It is that though, a tool. So he needs to educate himself so he opts for the correct tool for HIM for his long term success and quality of life. I wish you both the best.


Obese people almost never attain normal weight, study finds - CBS News
http://bit.ly/2ideQEn
Why Less Than 1% Of Obese Individuals Will Reach Normal Weight | Natural Society


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Tiffany Love said:


> I don't wanna leave him and I know I won't but I hate this sex less marriage. If I tell him how I feel it'd crush him. Can anyone give me advice please. Thanks


There is NOTHING about the idea of you wanting to have more and better sex with your husband that would hurt his feelings. If you love him you should be willing to overcome the fact that sex with an overweight person is challenging and awkward. Aside from PIV (penis in vagina) there are countless things the two of you can do (oral, manual, toys, trying new positions) to enjoy a good sex life together. 

There is plenty of porn out there with men that are overweight and not really that endowed. They seem to have no problems giving a porn star performance with a willing and confident partner that adds the challenge of her also being really overweight as well. 

My advice is to accept that sex will be a little awkward, but be playful about it instead of getting frustrated. Have him insert one or two large yoni eggs (or ben wah balls) prior to penetration and THEN have PIV sex with them inserted, or use ample coconut oil to grind on him while they are inserted as an easy way to feel full and obtain new positions.

Badsanta


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Bad sex is more than enough reason to end a romantic relationship. Give yourself some time (3 - 6 months) to work on this. Follow the advice here to use positions, toys and instructional videos to see if there are ways you can make sex fun and satisfying together. Force yourself and him to talk about all of this and not hide from the embarrassing or painful parts. sharing your fears and insecurities and vulnerabilities is what builds lasting intimacy in marriage. All that said, if you can't make it work or if he won't open up and work on this with you, then you should leave him to find someone more compatible. As they often say, sex is 10% or less of marriage when it is going well, but 90% of marriage when it is not. Or "sex is like oxygen, you don't think much about it when you are getting plenty but it is all you think about when you aren't getting enough."

Remember Holdingontoit's 2 rules for sexual mismatch:

1. Don't get married while there is a sexual mismatch, it isn't fair to either of you.
2. Don't have kids while there is a sexual mismatch, it isn't fair to the kids.

You already broke rule #1. Everyone here will tell you that breaking rule #2 makes it much much harder to fix the sex problem and much much more difficult to extricate yourself if you can't.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

You have my permission to divorce. Why did you get married?? Don't worry, I got married to a b*tch who I hated having sex with. It happens to all of us. Young and dumb. I divorced her 8 years later after 2 kids, a house, cars, etc etc. Don't be me. Divorce now while it's a simple business transaction. DIVORCE NOW!


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

If you wish to continue the marriage, research other positions that can allow for deeper penetration. 

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## newmarriageguy (Dec 16, 2016)

Wow I used to think I had few manhood, my penis is about 5 to 5 1/2" when erected from the base down up and wife seems comfortable with my size, but 2" are you sure your husband is about 2"? If so why don't you try different techniques with him that will increase his stamina and perhaps help you with your sex life. But from what it sounds, he may not be interested and be as sexually actively as you are. Similar happens to me when wife doesn't want to have sex,...

but as others have pointed out here you're not bound to stay married and even better for you now that you don't have kids with him yet and have been recently married. You're still within the "returned period" from date of purchase; be wise and act upon it. 


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Tiffany Love said:


> He eats healthy but doesn't go to the gym enough. I've told him many times to come to the gym with me (I usually go 3 times a week) but he keeps making excuses.


He might be 'eating healthy' at home where *you're *the one preparing the meals, but once he's out, I can pretty much guarantee you he's making up for lost time *every chance he gets.
*
If I had a nickel for every overweight woman I've seen literally stuffed into the driver's seat of a mini van or SUV pulling out of the McDonald's drive-thru while shoving a burger down her throat as I drove by on the highway, I'd be rich. And I can guarantee these are probably the same women complaining to all their friends and husbands how they just can't lose weight no matter WHAT diet they're on.

Trust me. He's doing the same thing at Micky D's before coming home.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

At his weight going to a gym could do more harm than good.He could very easily pull a muscle or strain a ligament and then would probably gain more weight while waiting to heal.The most I would recommend would be some light sessions on a treadmill.Why don't you just go for a walk with him every day,it will start to improve his aerobic fitness and when he sees weight starting to come off it will encourage him.Also to maintain a body weight of three hundred pounds he would have to be eating thousands of calories over his recommended amount,it takes about four and a half thousand calories to maintain that weight while remaining sedentary.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Many people report great success with cycling to lose weight... Assuming of course your community is cycling friendly and the weather cooperates. 

Google Clydesdale Cycling for details.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

I am with @Andy1001.

Start with walking. When he can walk far without getting strained, he can carry some light weights and curl and press them while he walks. When he can do that for awhile without stress, he is ready for the gym.

And the best part of walking is that you guys can do it together.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There's a good chance much of his penis is hidden by his fat.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

john117 said:


> Many people report great success with cycling to lose weight... Assuming of course your community is cycling friendly and the weather cooperates.
> 
> Google Clydesdale Cycling for details.


Cycling is a good exercise but at his weight If he fell off he could do some serious damage to himself.Also depending on what height he is he is probably in the morbidly obese i.e. heart attack range and on a bicycle on a main road the consequences could be fatal.Seriously op just start walking with him,slowly at first and then increase the speed and distance.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Cycling is a good exercise but at his weight If he fell off he could do some serious damage to himself.Also depending on what height he is he is probably in the morbidly obese i.e. heart attack range and on a bicycle on a main road the consequences could be fatal.Seriously op just start walking with him,slowly at first and then increase the speed and distance.


He is in "check with your doctor" territory as it is. So any exercise should be coordinated and approved. Good point!

Another point is that Clyde bicycles should be used if over the frame's limit, typically 275 lb. 

For falls, I'd consider a trike. Catrike makes some phenomenal rigs.


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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

Just a tip. If he's very overweight but wants to,lose it, chances are he is self conscious about going to the gym. I used to be pretty obese myself and everyone STARES and large people in the gym, some snicker, or grin or laugh. It's not nice but it's true. What about working out at home? Or seeking out a quiet gym that doesn't have lots of members? It may motivate him more that way. Also, NO JUNK FOOD, that includes soda/pop drinks. And juice is riddled with sugar too. Push water and veggies! Good luck to you both!


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Speaking as someone who was formerly over 300Lbs, get him to a physician and quick. I paid very little attention to my self, and had always struggled with my weight. I lost it back in the 80's only to gain it back with a vengeance. In short, it precipitated two heart attacks and a fairly severe case of diabetes. Sticking a needle into me is what caused me to get religion. I have lost 100lbs. I had to apologize to my wife, as that weight kept me from performing regularly and it robbed me of 2 inches. Yes, I used to think I was somewhat below average, then as I crossed weight milestones length began to show itself. 

Weight opens you to every lousy disease in the books, from heart attacks, (I had my first at age 40, weight at age 312), diabetes (when I was on the gurney suffering my second heart attack, the triage physician yells out; "how long have you been diabetic?", I respond, "about six seconds".) Sexual performance waned until I joined Weight Watchers, got my ass into a gym (PS, you want sex, start working out, your body will crave it as your health improves). At age 62, my weight loss journey (it has taken me about 6 years) is nearly complete. I weigh 198. My penis has increased by more than 25% from my 40's. We have mind blowing earth shattering sex nearly every other day. I have given my wife a new man with a sexual appetite that would put to shame any kind of affair. You guys are newlywed, and you do not want to go about burying him anytime soon. Get him into weight watchers and start a physical routine-I started by walking, 15 minutes at first, gradually increasing to an hour. By that time, he should be ready to join a gym. I could not do more than 5 minutes on the elliptical when I started, now I can do an hour flat out. It is a journey, but if you do it right, he will thank you for the decades he has added to his life, let alone the sex.


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

Totally agree with @Andy1001 and @Taxman 

Sex should not be the primary issue right now. His health is what should be the focus. When that improves down the road, then you can address the sex problems. He isn't healthy enough right now to safely have sex. And he certainly isn't healthy enough to be going to a gym and working out.

Start with walking. Even if he can only walk 20 steps the first day. The next day maybe he can add a few more steps. And each day after that, he can GRADUALLY increase the amount of walking he's doing. 

Before he embarks on any kind of a physical activity schedule though (even light walking), he needs to be evaluated by a doctor. I would be shocked if he isn't diabetic, and that needs to be under control. Over time, if he keeps up with the walking/aerobic activity and loses weight, his diabetes may improve or even resolve, but right now he needs to be treated if necessary and cleared for any kind of physical activity.

Best of luck to you.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Even if he is not diabetic at this point, his cells are becoming insulin resistant and by the time he is 40 he will be a full blown type 2. This is nothing to screw around with. Take it from me, you may think that your youth will protect you from all of the **** that over-weight can bring. Hey, I was a big guy in high school. Used the weight in football and wrestling. Those sports gave me a false sense of security. I was big but coaches want big and fit. So fit and big was how I was in HS. University and my profession made me sedentary. My eating habits had not changed (I could polish off an xl pizza in one sitting), but I was NOT burning calories. 

To lose it, you have two simple rules to follow. Put less into the system and burn off more than you put in.


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## M61 (Feb 10, 2017)

I'm new to this forum, and I don't see any really recent comments re: "Sex less marriage" (especially from the originator) but I would like to say I'm impressed with all the advice I've seen. Even though multiple suggestions have been presented, they seem to all be grounded in sincerity. I've seen very little to disagree with.

Speaking as someone who used to carry a lot of weight, it certainly does cause intimacy issues. And, losing the weight certainly improves intimacy issues.

I didn't want to go to the gym either. I did not go. For big, un-athletic guys: it's embarrassing. You're displeased with yourself already and putting it on display just makes it worse. You're embarrassed! For some people, feeling bad causes them to turn to food, and the cycle is repeated continuously.

I took advice from the Nike "Just Do It" commercials and applied it to the notion of being active. ANY kind of active. My preferred exercise was walking. If I found myself inactive... I'd go for a walk. Bad weather? I bought a treadmill. Already walked a lot today? I'd find something around the house to do! There's almost always a chore to be done around the house whether it's straightening the garage or attic... painting a room... or dozens of things we all put off. ANY kind of activity is positive... and it grows. It gets easier every day and soon you're doing it without having to think about it.
Activity (exercise) shows its benefits immediately. Your husband would begin to feel better right away and sex will start improving right away. Depending on his efforts, it could take a while... but activity works wonders.
Try starting out with walking, then general activity. (Sex is an activity too!) 
Hopefully he's not one of these guys who's glued to the TV or gaming all day.

Sounds like he has a wife who's interested in getting physical... he needs to be interested in hanging on to her.

I'd say there's hope as long as he shows progress. If food is more important that sex... you may find the advice of moving on with your life is ultimately the best advice offered. And, as someone else has already stated: Most of the time, things like this don't get better. 
The last thing you want is to give it 25 years and find you've missed the core years of your life.

M


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I remember my first day in the gym. I had been walking steadily for about a year, and was to an extent "presentable" (meaning, I found the loosest workout wear-why do they insist on making gym clothing skin-tight?). I hired a trainer to show me the right exercises. That was 2005, a year after my mother died from complications of a lifetime of overweight. A year later, and the treadmill and I became best friends. By 2010 I was wearing pants below size 40. Today, I am wearing the gym clothes that I feared. I have just crossed the border to size 32. I have energy, but the years of neglect still show. The diabetes is still there. Stretch marks abound. But there is no denying this fact: I have bought myself years of life. I will not be a fat sick old man. I will be healthy and vital in my 60's and beyond. My hope is for everyone on this journey, to find that healthy active person living inside and bring them out.


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