# Ex feels divorce is unfair to him? Ha



## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

Some back story... I'm divorcing my husband due to his continued EA & PA. I'm 4 months pregnant with his child and have a 3 year old. He has not once tried to fight for me or ask me to stay. Just that he wished he had more time to figure "us" out. 

Even before I filed for divorce he would discuss a separation with me in a calm and collected manner, in only logistical terms. He felt we could deal with all of this without involving lawyers and wasting thousands of dollars. Knowing that I was at risk due to being a victim, and dealing witht he emotional situation of being pregnant, I disagreed and got myself a lawyer. I live in Colorado, with is a equal distribution/ no fault state I felt that everything would be handled fairly. I also wanted to make sure someone had my back incase I felt like I was being taken advantage of. 

Well I'm glad I did. My STBXH continues to try and involve me in inpromtu conversation about our assets. First it was the house. He wanted to try and keep it, which financially I knew was impossible. Now that he knows better after contacting a few banks, he's moved on to his business. I'm 50% shareholder of that business. I also helped him from the very begining before it was much more than a few side jobs, always doing the proposals and invoicing, and tax preparation and promotional marketing. I've even continued to assist in these manner since filing for divorce so that I know the business is being handled correctly. He feels that I deserves very little, and wants to buy me out without involving the divorce. All I want is for every peice of our lives to be considered on paper before any give or take is discussed. 

I only want our divorce to be handled exactly as any other. He's dragged me thrugh the mud so much emotionally with his betrayl and deceit and I'm trying very hard to not make spiteful decisions. Even though I probably have more than the right to do so. 

I want to be civil for our child(soon to be children), but he's the one causing all the drama. I kinda feel at this point that he made his bed, and if he didn't like the option of divorce than he should have thought about that before he screwed me over. I'm not trying to be the bad guy, but I definintely am not going to bend over backward to make him happy.

Anyone else going through this crap? Or does anyone think I'm being unreasonable in my actions.


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## Ticonderoga (Jul 21, 2011)

I'm going through the asset negotiations it is not fun. Lots of pain and trauma trying to go through the process. Appraising a business is tough and costs money. How are you handling it ??


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## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

We're still in the early stages, so right now I'm just completing the financial statements and working to get the business' books up to date. I think most of the assets that aren't titled to the business or ont he books, woud fall into the personal assets category. Which is even more difficult with tools and equipment. 

Rightnow he's trying to say he doesn't have much income, but spend whatever he doesn't pay himself directly from the bsuiness account. SO I have a lot of cleaning up to do before I can provde acurate information to the court. I feel it maybe safer to have someone come out to the house and value everything on site. But a part of me thinks he'd just hide or sell things in advance.

viousy not the most honest guy in the world.


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## Ticonderoga (Jul 21, 2011)

I'm in a state slightly south west of you going through the samething. I'm learning you can spend a lot of time, effort and $$$ dividing things up. Sometimes it is easier to think of it in bigger chunks. Does he want the business and you want the house both being close in value and so forth ?? Fighting over a little here and a little there typically going through lawyers costs $$$. Plus everything you had going to the marriage in my state isn't on the table to divide up.


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## Ticonderoga (Jul 21, 2011)

Sounds like hubby is going to drag his feet on the deal and make it difficult. Have you served him papers yet. This will stop him removing assets and cranking up debit and so forth.


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## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

I did serve him in late July. So technically he can't do anything with our assets. The tricky thing is that he doesn't exactly view everything as ours.

The business isn't a huge asset, defintely not equal to the house. The House isn't really an argument as neither one of us could take it over ourselves, so its onthe market. The business is mostly comprised of tools, vehicles, and the cash value of the account. I put lots of effort into it and have never recived a paycheck. 

Mostly I just want to see what the dollar value of half of everythign is, then I'm willing to negotiate. I'm not planning to take anythign except the ATV and some furniture, so I'm expecting a cash payout onthe other items. 

Also, he doesn't have a lawyer. So this is all being runthrough mine, and ofcoarse I'm the only one paying for it.


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## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

He called me today to talk about some business items, getting an invoice done, etc. And ofcoarse followed up with a request about his time with our son. 

I'm trying very hard to not let the lines blur of what he has done to me and what is best for our son. But its so difficult. Our marital home, which he still lives in, is about a 40 minute drive from my new apartment. Right now he gets to have our son for 2.5 hours one night a week and then two overnights every other weekend. 

Now he thinks its unfair that he has to drive into town to pick him up AND drive him back. in both circumstances. Again trying not to let the lines blur, but this seems unfair to me. I'm the primary custodian. If its so important for his time with our son, then he shoud be willing to make the sacrifices, I shouldn't have to go out of my way to help him have his time.

He also wants to up the time he gets to have our son another day each week. Don't get me wrong, I know its good for him to spend time with him, but the attidue about it is "its not fair" or "I deserve more". Which I don't agree with. 

Why should I be making consessions when he was the one who chose to have an affair and ruin the family he supposedly holds so dear?


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