# How can you breakup with someone, but still live with them?



## 19zbrown90 (Aug 17, 2014)

About a month ago my life feel apart. I had a feeling that my boyfriend was cheating on me. He told me he wasnt, but i didnt believe him. I hacked into his email to find a conversation with him a coworker. He was planning on taking her to the movies. I confronted him about it and he continued to lie. Then he finally told me the truth, but stated that "it was nothing like that" and "and it was just a friendly outing". I became enraged and I slapped him in the face a few times and broke all of our family pictures in the house. After a few days of thinking and soul-searching I decided that I wanted to work on our relationship and mend it. To my surprise he did not want the same. He told me that it was over and he did not want to be with me because I physically assaulted him and hacked into his stuff. This past month has been hell in my household because we still live together and sleep in the same bed. I really want to be with him but he doesnt want to be with me even though I apologized and told him I would never do it again. I really don't understand why or how he does not want to be with me, but still wants to live here. He still pays all of the bills, takes my daughter to and from school even though he is not her biological dad, and yesterday he gave me $1000 to pay for one of my classes for school. I dont understand how he can still do all of this but not want to be with me. I have begged him multiple times, but he keeps telling me that he dont want me. Im confused and dont know how to get him back.:scratchhead:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm pretty sure that you have not found the truth of what he's been up to. A man in a committed relationship does not go on a date with another woman. It's called cheating.

But you hitting him and breaking off the pictures in the house is just wrong as well. He's right for not wanting to live with that.

You will need to ask him why he has not moved out.

How do you intend to support yourself and your child when he does move out?


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## 19zbrown90 (Aug 17, 2014)

He told me that he's going to stay here for as long as it take for me to be able to support myself. I started a new business about two months ago. I left corporate America to do this. He was a huge supporter of me starting my business and we made the decision together for me to quit my other job. He said that even if it takes 6 months to a year he will still be here. I just dont understand how you can not want to be with someone, but still do all these things.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I understand it. He is descent enough to not want to see you and your daughter living in the street. 
How much experience do you have in the field of this business? Have you ever own/run a business before?

Maybe you need to find a job.


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## 19zbrown90 (Aug 17, 2014)

I have tons of experience in the field. I own a Home Care Agency. I just landed a contract with Veteran Affairs to be their vendor as they will refer patients to my agency. Business is going good, so I should be on my on feet soon.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

That's good to hear. Then you should be ok financially no matter how this goes.

Have you suggested counseling?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

19zbrown90 said:


> He told me that he's going to stay here for as long as it take for me to be able to support myself. I started a new business about two months ago. I left corporate America to do this. He was a huge supporter of me starting my business and we made the decision together for me to quit my other job. He said that even if it takes 6 months to a year he will still be here. I just dont understand how you can not want to be with someone, but still do all these things.


19z, this is nuts. You're future with him is bleak unless he's held accountable and owns that he was trying to mess around on you. Yes you need to own your part too (getting physical with him).

Point is, he's not owning anything. He's denying and blame shifting. If you let him do that now then your days are numbered and they'll be rocky days.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

19zbrown90 said:


> I just dont understand how you can not want to be with someone, but still do all these things.


It's not on you to understand it. Why? Because it's his behavior to own. 

People try to figure others out all the time, yet they don't even know who THEY are. 

He's done with you, but he's being a stand-up guy and giving you a helping hand. Leave it at that and quit begging him to get back together with you. He doesn't want it.

My estranged husband helped me out financially many, many times after I moved out. He has no feelings, to speak of, for me. Nevertheless, he gave me a hand financially-speaking.

It doesn't mean he wants to live with me again. I doubt he ever well. But I'm grateful for the help he gave me through some very rough times.

P.S. - My husband gave me $$, but when it came to emotional support, I got zip. I would suggest you quit beating a dead horse and find friends/family to lend you the emotional support you need.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

He probably still loves and cares about you and your daughter which is why he is willing to stay to help you temporarily. But he is unhappy in the relationship, which led him to cheat, and the physical assault from you only gave him more motivation to break it off.

If I were you, I would get financially independent ASAP and move him out of the house and move on. He is not willing to make it work, and will probably still see the other woman. In the meantime, you living with him and knowing he is probably out with another woman will burn you up inside. Its not a healthy situation at all.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I believe he got what he wanted.... But when you hit him and broke everything this was his way to end things.... By blaming you for your actions, and him forgetting his actions, and turning it all around on you he thinks his actions can be forgotten.... and it seems like you have.... your just thinking about getting him back, but i think you should be thinking about brought you to this point.

I could not sleep in the same bed with my husband if had split up, I would feel like your feeling.....but your thoughts are all about getting him back.... like i said, what about thinking about the things you found out about him..... you was suspicious of him, so you snooped on him..... and with good reason too, He was planning on going out with another woman.... He says there was nothing in it and it was all innocent, but i think hes a liar, and i do not even know him.

If he does do anything now with any other women he can say its Okay because hes single... then he can fall back on you whenever he sees fit because he thinks your gonna allow it.... and to be honest i think you will too.


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