# In what way women hit on you?



## lovelygirl

I hear married men say "This woman at the market/street started hitting on me and being flirty.."

Apart the fact that it's unacceptable for these women to hit on men who are already wearing the wedding ring...my question is:

Is there a slight chance these men misunderstand a woman's intention? 
Is there a chance these men want to please themselves by thinking they were being hit on, while in reality, it wasn't true? 

Maybe it all comes down to what we call "flirty"?
If I ask a man what time it is...does it mean I'm hitting on him??

I think _some_ men lie to themselves, brag about untrue stuff ...and it sounds ridiculous when they think they were being hit on just because a woman talked to them or said something random..


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## RandomDude

I don't think this is a man thing. I still remember a woman that I met in my younger years who kept saying to herself that she's the most gorgeous woman alive and was also convinced that any man who doesn't look at her must be gay. :rofl: 

I was also accused of leading women on when I was simply being friendly. People have a tendency to believe what they want to believe. Not just men  It's called:

Vanity.

For e.g. this guy named RandomDude, thinks he's a pretty boy or something lol, saw him in the mirror today, nope, doesn't look good at all. Think he lost weight, and needs to learn how to appreciate a woman more, because now he has no one to tell him to hit the fking gym


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## AFEH

Some women are far more direct than you have experience of.

I’ve had women ask to try me out for a night just to see what I’m like and another when in my 30s knock on my hotel room door in her nightie in the early hours of the morning walk in, sit on my bed and ask for a light. In my teenage years I was constantly ducking and diving teenagers after me. I wasn’t at all good at “putting them off”. Even took one out for a date to not kiss her to show how unattracted to her I was! Even now in my 60s I have women after me, I kid you not. I try and be as “good” as I can about turning them off but some don’t take hints.


I reckon for every woman who hit on me, loads more men hit on my wife. I just think that's a fact of life, that a married women is far more hit on and tempted by other men than a married man is hit on and tempted by other women.


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## tobio

Just to offer a perspective from the other side...

When I was a teenager and into my early twenties, I used to have great difficulty with guys in my social circle constantly making the moves on me! Not being boastful (well maybe a little) and I was a bit more naive back then, but I genuinely could not understand what was going on there. Loads of "friendships" and acquaintances down the pan because these guys would hit on me.

My sister, who I used to socialise a lot with, told me that it was simply my manner. Although I was quite shy, she said I was a really friendly sort who was interested in people and guys simply read me the wrong way. It turned out a lot of these guys thought *I* was making the moves on them and were reciprocating, when in reality I was being friendly and nothing more.

Nowadays I have much more of an understanding of male and female dynamics and I am much more careful of how I present myself for fear my friendly manner might be misinterpreted.

I read somewhere (on here I think) that men consistently think a friendly attractive woman is at least AS interested in them as he is in her if not more when in fact the woman isn't attracted to him at all. However I have seen the likes of what Bob has mentioned where women are completely brazen and put themselves out there.

I


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## RandomDude

Heh in my teenage years I was rejecting them when they asked me out because I didn't even know what to do with a woman at that time! I didn't even do freakin high school so with my first she was like "sex ed? like duh you should know this" and I was pointing to her privates and asking "erm... whats that?" :rofl:

But I think OP is talking about the more subtle flirts that yes, many times can be taken the wrong way from my experience.


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## Ikaika

Women don't hit on me. Or maybe I'm too dense to know any better. If a woman ask me what time it is I am usually assuming because, well she wants to know what time it is. If she is attractive, it is easy to allow one to think all kinds of nonsense, but most of it is self indulgent flattery rather than the basis of reality.


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## AFEH

drerio said:


> Women don't hit on me. Or maybe I'm too dense to know any better. If a woman ask me what time it is I am usually assuming because, well she wants to know what time it is. If she is attractive, it is easy to allow one to think all kinds of nonsense, but most of it is self indulgent flattery rather than the basis of reality.


With your way, you’ll never discover if it is deluded self-indulgent flattery or reality.


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## RandomDude

AFEH said:


> With your way, you’ll never discover if it is deluded self-indulgent flattery or reality.


And that results in: missed opportunities!


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## Cosmos

lovelygirl said:


> I hear married men say "This woman at the market/street started hitting on me and being flirty.."
> 
> Apart the fact that it's unacceptable for these women to hit on men who are already wearing the wedding ring...my question is:
> 
> Is there a slight chance these men misunderstand a woman's intention?
> Is there a chance these men want to please themselves by thinking they were being hit on, while in reality, it wasn't true?
> 
> Maybe it all comes down to what we call "flirty"?
> If I ask a man what time it is...does it mean I'm hitting on him??
> 
> I think _some_ men lie to themselves, brag about untrue stuff ...and it sounds ridiculous when they think they were being hit on just because a woman talked to them or said something random..


Some years back I received an irate text from my housemate telling me to stop hitting on her ex-husband and his colleague who were doing some repair work in the house. Apparently I was "distracting" them from doing their work. All I had done was walk down the stairs, say "Good morning. What a beautiful sunny day," then walk out the door without a backwards glance. Yep, _some _people project what they'd like to_ think_ is happening!


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## AFEH

Cosmos said:


> Some years back I received an irate text from my housemate telling me to stop hitting on her ex-husband and his colleague who were doing some repair work in the house. Apparently I was "distracting" them from doing their work. All I had done was walk down the stairs, say "Good morning. What a beautiful sunny day," then walk out the door without a backwards glance. Yep, _some _people project what they'd like to_ think_ is happening!


If that’s all that happened it sounds more like jealousy had deluded your housemate and it was nothing to do with the men.


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## lovelygirl

RandomDude said:


> I don't think this is a man thing.


I know it's not a man thing but I took the example of men because it's easier to tell when a woman is being hit on and more difficult to tell when a man is being hit on... so I thought there's a lot of misinterpretation from a man's part.




drerio said:


> Women don't hit on me. Or maybe I'm too dense to know any better. If a woman ask me what time it is I am usually assuming because, well she wants to know what time it is. I*f she is attractive, it is easy to allow one to think all kinds of nonsense, but most of it is self indulgent flattery rather than the basis of reality.*


Very well said.


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## Cosmos

AFEH said:


> If that’s all that happened it sounds more like jealousy had deluded your housemate and it was nothing to do with the men.


Who knows. But the ex had taken the trouble to phone the housemate telling her about the 'incident.'


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## WyshIknew

Never really happens when I am 'home'. I do get funny/flirty comments and smiles/laughter in supermarkets, my local, and out and about but I dismiss them as I don't really consider them serious stuff and I am naturally quite gregarious anyway so I tend to make people laugh and smile.

When I am away on courses it has happened that women have sat next to me and struck up conversations while at the bar. It doesn't happen very often as I am quite homely. Usually a flash of my wedding ring is enough to let them know I am off limits. A few have been a little more persistent but I think some more predatory women and men regard the persons wedding ring as a challenge.


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## Ikaika

RandomDude said:


> And that results in: missed opportunities!


I'm married... No missed opportunities. As it stands wife already treats me like piece of meat


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## Halien

Obviously, we've all probably seen the whole spectrum; from the men who think that the friendly woman is flirty, to the ones who wouldn't recognize flirting even when it is blatant. Previous coworkers seemed convinced that their waitress was flirting with them at the nearby sports bar where we went after work, when in fact, she seemed to treat everyone that way. Then again, if most wives saw her behavior, they might also think that it was entirely inappropriate. 

Probably stating the obvious, but I think that some guys, and women, miss the important detail that what often differentiates a friendly personality from a person who is hitting on them is that the behavior of the person hitting on them usually involves progressively testing, probing behaviors, unless the person is really confident. The friendly assistant manager in your neighborhood might smile, and try to make you feel welcome in her store. But when items in your cart begin to receive commentary with increasing sexual innuendo, and thinly veiled offers, your wife may suddenly decide that this store is off limits for you.


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## RandomDude

drerio said:


> I'm married... No missed opportunities. As it stands wife already treats me like piece of meat


Ironic me saying this, but now would be a really good time for my wife to treat me like a piece of meat.

It's been a fking month


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## SimplyAmorous

My husband would probably say he was never hit on in his entire life outside of a girl wanting to give him a jar of jelly & her phone # before we were married when he worked in a Grocery Store. 

I don't think he has any illusions... never one to brag.... I almost know if I asked him this...he'd joke & mention some angry woman while driving who flipped him the bird ~ he looks at me & says ..."That lady wants to have sex with me!"

He would never interpret being friendly as hitting. Hitting to him would = having to assert some barrier...or walk away due to a WOW moment... did she just say [email protected]#$%^ .... When this girl wanted to give her #, he said to her .... "I don't think my GF would appreciate that" & she dropped her stuff & ran out of the store. 

I'd say the same. I wouldn't take friendly, a look, nothing like that as "a hitting"..... just people being people.


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## lovelygirl

WyshIknew said:


> Never really happens when I am 'home'. I do get* funny/flirty* comments and *smiles/laughter* in supermarkets, my local, and out and about but I dismiss them as I don't really consider them serious stuff and I am naturally quite gregarious anyway so I tend to make people laugh and smile.


Why do you consider this to be flirty? 

Try to give me an example of the supposedly flirty comments you've received.

Just because a woman smiles at/laughs with you, doesn't mean she's flirting, otherwise every interaction between men and women would be seen as flirtatious ...whether at home/work/school..etc.


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## AFEH

Some women’s smiles attract men like moths around a light bulb.

My wife is one such woman. At one time she worked on check-outs. Her queue was generally three times longer than others and even though the manager tried to get the customers into other queues they refused. They all wanted to be in her presence, to see her smile and talk with her if just for a little while.

It’s charisma, appeal, allure, magnetism and sure many a man will think it’s for him when in reality it is “just” who she is.


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## RandomDude

> At one time she worked on check-outs. Her queue was generally three times longer than others and even though the manager tried to get the customers into other queues they refused.


:rofl:
Oh hell her co-workers on other queues must have either been jealous, or thankful that your wife was doing most of their work! lol


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## RandomDude

Well, for me nowadays most of the subtle approaches I can still tell

It's not in one or two specific acts, but how everything adds up
For example, the way she looks at you, and I found it to be different across cultures, western women for example don't stare, they shy away, asian women however, just stare and get you in an eye-lock. Also how she positions herself next to you, how alert she is in regards to your presense, how when you walk in and her posture straightens, cute really. How she laughs at all your jokes even if it's not exactly funny. How she poses for you, smiles at you, plays with her hair, twirling it, fluttering her eyes at you. Then of course, there comes the stupid questions trying to strike up conversations. You can just tell she's not interested in the answers but just interested in talking to you.

I follow my gut feeling with such things, and I've been right most of the time. Because this is the way I gauge when to flirt without making things awkward, also how I got that lady's number at work the night before my wife left - I pay attention 

I've burned that bridge however, that was wrong. Regardless that was the first time I've flirted with another woman - for a VERY long time. But I've always been alert, and my wife even more so - sometimes she embarrasses me however, when there's no real proof of flirting, but in my gut I knew she was actually right


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## Cosmos

I don't think this is necessarily gender related, because I've known several women during my lifetime who _continually_ think that some unsuspecting man or other is besotted with them. A guy might simply give a friendly smile whilst opening a door, but it will be interpreted by them as: "Did you _see_ the way he looked at me? What _is _it about me? Guys just can't leave me alone!" :scratchhead:


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## COguy

I'm pretty oblivious unless a woman is really overt about it. I'm trying to get better at reading subtle cues. It helps to be dating again and see forward women.

Few weeks ago I was out with this girl, I knew she "liked" me but thought it was on the light side. When we got back to my car she flat out told me she wanted to have sex. In my head I did this thing where I went, "Wow dumbass, what signs have you been missing all night?"

Same thing happened the other night. With this girl I've been seeing, thought we were going to keep it civil that night. After a while I initiated anyway and she said, "Was wondering when you were going to do that, I've been sending you signals all night." I must be blind..... Someone teach a class please.


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## COguy

Cosmos said:


> I don't think this is necessarily gender related, because I've known several women during my lifetime who _continually_ think that some unsuspecting man or other is besotted with them. A guy might simply give a friendly smile whilst opening a door, but will be interpreted by them as: "Did you _see_ the way he looked at me? What _is _it about me? Guys just can't leave me alone!" :scratchhead:


Can't stand those girls.

Oh and this line, "I can tell you really want me." or "I know you're into me." Instant turn-off.


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## RandomDude

I swear women have the worse pick up lines sometimes


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## lovelygirl

Cosmos said:


> I don't think this is necessarily gender related, because I've known several women during my lifetime who _continually_ think that some unsuspecting man or other is besotted with them. A guy might simply give a friendly smile whilst opening a door, but it will be interpreted by them as: "Did you _see_ the way he looked at me? What _is _it about me? Guys just can't leave me alone!" :scratchhead:


These kind of women are VERY self-centered and think everything is about them.


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## RandomDude

lovelygirl said:


> These kind of women are VERY self-centered and think everything is about them.


They are amusing though, like watching dogs chase their own tails. 

They don't know how cute and adorable - yet stupid - they actually look


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## AFEH

COguy said:


> I'm pretty oblivious unless a woman is really overt about it. I'm trying to get better at reading subtle cues. It helps to be dating again and see forward women.
> 
> Few weeks ago I was out with this girl, I knew she "liked" me but thought it was on the light side. When we got back to my car she flat out told me she wanted to have sex. In my head I did this thing where I went, "Wow dumbass, what signs have you been missing all night?"
> 
> Same thing happened the other night. With this girl I've been seeing, thought we were going to keep it civil that night. After a while I initiated anyway and she said, "Was wondering when you were going to do that, I've been sending you signals all night." I must be blind..... Someone teach a class please.


Males and females have used unspoken courtship messages for eons, since time began. These unspoken messages are in body language and behaviour over time.

Body language is a true language. If you haven’t even begun learning it then you have a very interesting and exceedingly revealing journey ahead of you. A good place to start is Pease International.

What you learn about body language will help you with every single aspect of your life. Who knows you may even become aware of your own body language, it can be exceedingly revealing when you learn to observe yourself. And at times somewhat embarrassing when you realise the body language messages you are sending out.

A little while back I was having lunch with a friend, her daughter and her friend. I suddenly became aware that I’d sat facing the daughters friend, she was getting all my “body language attention”. Very embarrassing, I was oblivious to it for a while but the women most certainly were not.


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## lovelygirl

AFEH said:


> Who knows you may even become aware of your own body language, it can be exceedingly revealing when you learn to observe yourself. And at times somewhat embarrassing when you realise the body language messages you are sending out.


Good point!

I've had embarrassing situations because of my own body language which many times leads in misinterpretation. 

Generally I'm very friendly, smiley and touchingly. I have this habit of touching people when I talk to them whether they're girls/boys, friends or non-friends.
I touch their shoulders, or put my hands on their leg.. And because this is just me, usually it goes out of my control zone without realizing what I'm doing.

Lately I've started watching my own body language and how it could be perceived by the other person. 
I was criticized a few times by my friends for the way I act around their boyfriends. [for example I laugh a lot or hit them in a joking/playful way]. 
Although to me this is not a flirty behavior because my intentions are not to flirt with my friends' boyfriends...yet I don't blame those who think I could be flirting. 

I know how I am when I flirt (and it's usually with eyes, sight and the tone of my voice) so that's why being playful is not perceived as _flirty_ to me.


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## RandomDude

My wife would hate you lol


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## lovelygirl

RandomDude said:


> My wife would hate you lol


:lol:


Funny how men become untouchable once they have a partner. 

A good friend of mine had a jealous gf a few years back but nonetheless this wouldn't stop me from being comfortable around him [meaning to touch/play with him]. Everytime she gave me an angry look I'd think "What now ...am I not allowed to joke with my friend just because he has a gf?"
Although she was jealous with every single girl that would sit near her bf (my friend).


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## AFEH

lovelygirl said:


> Good point!
> 
> I've had embarrassing situations because of my own body language which many times leads in misinterpretation.
> 
> Generally I'm very friendly, smiley and touchingly. I have this habit of touching people when I talk to them whether they're girls/boys, friends or non-friends.
> I touch their shoulders, or put my hands on their leg.. And because this is just me, usually it goes out of my control zone without realizing what I'm doing.
> 
> Lately I've started watching my own body language and how it could be perceived by the other person.
> I was criticized a few times by my friends for the way I act around their boyfriends. [for example I laugh a lot or hit them in a joking/playful way].
> Although to me this is not a flirty behavior because my intentions are not to flirt with my friends' boyfriends...yet I don't blame those who think I could be flirting.
> 
> I know how I am when I flirt (and it's usually with eyes, sight and the tone of my voice) so that's why being playful is not perceived as _flirty_ to me.


A lot of flirting behaviour (courtship body language messages) happen at the subconscious level. So guys may well be responding to the courting body language messages that women aren’t even aware they’re “transmitting”.

For example a woman can have a real embarrassed and sometimes annoyed look on her face when she realises she’s been staring at a guys groin for a couple of seconds as they were passing in the street.


If you have a need to be more self aware Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality: Anthony De Mello, J. Francis Stroud: 9780385249379: Amazon.com: Books is very educational.


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## AFEH

lovelygirl said:


> :lol:
> 
> 
> Funny how men become untouchable once they have a partner.
> 
> A good friend of mine had a jealous gf a few years back but nonetheless this wouldn't stop me from being comfortable around him [meaning to touch/play with him]. Everytime she gave me an angry look I'd think "What now ...am I not allowed to joke with my friend just because he has a gf?"
> Although she was jealous with every single girl that would sit near her bf (my friend).


Well you most certainly demonstrated a lack of decorum. Shet testing behaviour that.


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## Amplexor

Usually they are just looking for a bridge partner!


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## lovelygirl

AFEH said:


> Well you most certainly demonstrated a lack of decorum. Shet testing behaviour that.


It's how you perceive the lack of decorum. 
I had no problem when my girlfriends used to joke/touch/"play" with my (back then) boyfriend so I had no problem doing the same things with their boyfriends.


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## southern wife

Halien said:


> Previous coworkers seemed convinced that their waitress was flirting with them at the nearby sports bar where we went after work, when in fact, she seemed to treat everyone that way. Then again, if most wives saw her behavior, they might also think that it was entirely inappropriate.


I would have to venture to say that in this case, since she was a waitress, that she was working the room for better tips......JMO!


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## BjornFree

lovelygirl said:


> It's how you perceive the lack of decorum.
> I had no problem when my girlfriends used to joke/touch/"play" with my (back then) boyfriend so I had no problem doing the same things with their boyfriends.


Clearly his gf had a problem with this kind of touchy feely thing. ANd neither you nor her bf respected her boundaries. And notice the last statement of the said post. That was you trying to justify your behavior. The gf reacts this way to everyone, so I'm going to get touchy feely with her bf just for the fun of it. Very immature IMO.

But back on topic, its quite easy. They're either subtle or direct. Subtle would include going out of their way to do things for you, acting extremely girlish when you are around etc etc


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## Cosmos

lovelygirl said:


> :lol:
> 
> 
> Funny how men become untouchable once they have a partner.
> 
> A good friend of mine had a jealous gf a few years back but nonetheless this wouldn't stop me from being comfortable around him [meaning to touch/play with him]. Everytime she gave me an angry look I'd think "What now ...am I not allowed to joke with my friend just because he has a gf?"
> Although she was jealous with every single girl that would sit near her bf (my friend).


With respect, Lovelygirl, I think we have to adjust our behaviour around opposite sex friends when they have partners. Being playful with and/or touching someone else's partner could be perceived as flirting and overstepping the boundaries of that relationship.


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## Almostrecovered




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## lovelygirl

BjornFree said:


> Clearly his gf had a problem with this kind of touchy feely thing. ANd neither you nor her bf respected her boundaries. And notice the last statement of the said post. That was you trying to justify your behavior. The gf reacts this way to everyone, so I'm going to get touchy feely with her bf just for the fun of it. Very immature IMO.


I wasn't justifying myself. I don't act around him that way JUST BECAUSE his gf is jealous with everyone. Certainly, her jealous type doesn't justify my behavior around her bf. 
I was just trying to point out that she has such an extreme jealousy that even if I were just sitting next to her bf she would get jealous. 

On the other hand, I agree with Cosmos when she says that I have to adjust my behavior around my male friends when they are in a relationship and I'm trying to work on that. 




> But back on topic, its quite easy. They're either subtle or direct. Subtle would include going out of their way to do things for you,


I think this is the best definition in the thread so far. 
"Going of the way to attract attention". 



> acting extremely girlish when you are around etc etc


I agree to some extent...but what about those women who ware extremely girlish by nature? 
-- it goes misinterpreted.


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## Monarch

They don't, but I've often wondered if that would change if I stuffed a sock in my pants before leaving the house.


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## BeachGuy

If you're over 25, you can easily tell the difference in friendly and flirting. It's not hard to differentiate really. LovelyGirl...you are a guys favorite kind of friend. The touchy-feely laughing kind. But I can certainly see where other women would not take kindly to that and you should refrain with men who aren't single. I understand you think it's harmless but you're the exception. Most women are not touchy-feely with non-SO's.

One day recently I was at a doctor's office. A female doctor (not mine) walked by the exam room I was in and politely smiled as she went by. A minute later, she walked by again, slower, still smiling and looking right at me. After my visit, I walked by the room she was in with a patient and stopped at the counter to checkout. I look up and there she is, leaning on the counter two feet from me staring at me smiling and says "Hi". She just loitered there for a minute while I was paying. Just looking at me.

Yeah, she was way flirting. Which baffles me cuz I'm ugly as a stump.


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## southern wife

lovelygirl said:


> Good point!
> 
> I've had embarrassing situations because of my own body language which many times leads in misinterpretation.
> 
> Generally I'm very friendly, smiley and touchingly. I have this habit of touching people when I talk to them whether they're girls/boys, friends or non-friends.
> I touch their shoulders, or put my hands on their leg.. And because this is just me, usually it goes out of my control zone without realizing what I'm doing.
> 
> Lately I've started watching my own body language and how it could be perceived by the other person.
> I was criticized a few times by my friends for the way I act around their boyfriends. [for example I laugh a lot or hit them in a joking/playful way].
> Although to me this is not a flirty behavior because my intentions are not to flirt with my friends' boyfriends...yet I don't blame those who think I could be flirting.
> 
> I know how I am when I flirt (and it's usually with eyes, sight and the tone of my voice) so that's why being playful is not perceived as _flirty_ to me.


I'm like this as well. Being from the South where everyone hugs you when you greet them, has made me the "hug" type of person. Even talking to you, I would most likely touch your arm or shoulder. I do this with women and men, so it's not all one gender. I think alot of times it's the way we were raised and it carries over into our adulthood. 

Now if I'm flirting with you, I'll use my eyes. I have not paid much attention to the tone of my voice, but I'm sure it changes...might get more Southern. Not sure... :scratchhead:


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## WyshIknew

lovelygirl said:


> Why do you consider this to be flirty?
> 
> Try to give me an example of the supposedly flirty comments you've received.
> 
> Just because a woman smiles at/laughs with you, doesn't mean she's flirting, otherwise every interaction between men and women would be seen as flirtatious ...whether at home/work/school..etc.


Oh I agree LG that's why i say that I dismiss most of them as just people being friendly.

I can't remember verbatim comments obviously and it only happens rarely. I'm sure attractive guys get hit on all the time, but plainer guys like me less often. Although my wife says I am too modest about my looks and that I should be careful as she has seen that women do find me attractive. I don't know, *shrugs* not important to me anyway.

Couple of examples of the top of my head, I may be misinterpreting these as you say, but!

Comments about the food in my trolley, "I'd love you to come around and cook that for me" all said with a laugh and a smile but still makes me suspicious.

"Ooh, you've lost a lot of weight lately ***, it looks good on you, perhaps we could have a natter sometime and give me some tips." "By the way I'm on Facebook."

There are several other occasions I could mention but as you say these could merely be friendly chatting. I don't know, you tell me, are the two I've mentioned flirty or friendly?

At the end of the day no girl is going to walk up to you and say "I'd like you to play Mr Wobbly hides his helmet with me" will they?


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## WyshIknew

Monarch said:


> They don't, but I've often wondered if that would change if I stuffed a sock in my pants before leaving the house.


Dude! Just make sure you stuff it down the front ok. Otherwise you might get the wrong reaction.


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## Halien

southern wife said:


> I would have to venture to say that in this case, since she was a waitress, that she was working the room for better tips......JMO!


Exactly. I once told a coworker that he shouldn't forget that most of the staff know that the guys coming in with their IDs still attached to their shirt are from an office complex that is known locally for high salaries. Personally, though, I knew that my wife would be uncomfortable with the blatant behavior, so I began to take my team to a different place.


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## ocotillo

lovelygirl said:


> I hear married men say "This woman at the market/street started hitting on me and being flirty.."
> 
> Apart the fact that it's unacceptable for these women to hit on men who are already wearing the wedding ring...my question is:
> 
> Is there a slight chance these men misunderstand a woman's intention?
> Is there a chance these men want to please themselves by thinking they were being hit on, while in reality, it wasn't true?
> 
> Maybe it all comes down to what we call "flirty"?
> If I ask a man what time it is...does it mean I'm hitting on him??
> 
> I think _some_ men lie to themselves, brag about untrue stuff ...and it sounds ridiculous when they think they were being hit on just because a woman talked to them or said something random..


I hear what you're saying. Sometimes comments can be understood in more than one way and sometimes they just come out wrong. 

If you're a male buying perfume for your wife and a female cashier playfully says, "Oh! Is this for me?" she's _probably_ just being silly and joking with you.

But if she says, "I'll give you your change if you give me your phone number", that's a little more direct, wouldn't you say?


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## BjornFree

WyshIknew said:


> At the end of the day no girl is going to walk up to you and say "I'd like you to play Mr Wobbly hides his helmet with me" will they?


Haha ya think?

Just give someone at work or at a bar one compliment too many(even if you don't mean it) they'll definitely do the crotch rub on you. Word of advice to the younger lot, never date people from your workplace. Don't even compliment them in any way.


----------



## Cosmos

BeachGuy said:


> If you're over 25, you can easily tell the difference in friendly and flirting. It's not hard to differentiate really. LovelyGirl...you are a guys favorite kind of friend. The touchy-feely laughing kind. But I can certainly see where other women would not take kindly to that and you should refrain with men who aren't single. I understand you think it's harmless but you're the exception. Most women are not touchy-feely with non-SO's.
> 
> One day recently I was at a doctor's office. A female doctor (not mine) walked by the exam room I was in and politely smiled as she went by. A minute later, she walked by again, slower, still smiling and looking right at me. After my visit, I walked by the room she was in with a patient and stopped at the counter to checkout. I look up and there she is, leaning on the counter two feet from me staring at me smiling and says "Hi". She just loitered there for a minute while I was paying. Just looking at me.
> 
> Yeah, she was way flirting. Which baffles me cuz I'm ugly as a stump.



That doctor was highly unprofessional, and I'd be freaked out if a male doctor behaved that way with me.


----------



## Chris Taylor

I drive a beat up SUV. It attracts no attention.

On the days that I drive my wife's German sports car, almost always I will have a woman come up to me in a parking lot and start talking to me asking me questions like what kind of job do I do that allows me to afford a car like that. No matter how long we chat, the conversation always ends when I tell them it's my wife's car.


----------



## lovelygirl

BeachGuy said:


> If you're over 25, you can easily tell the difference in friendly and flirting.


It's not that I can't tell the difference between being friendly and flirty.
I'm trying to understand the perception of some men when they think someone is being flirty when they're clearly not.


----------



## Ikaika

Camarillo Brillo said:


> hah, same here, buddy. I cannot recall even a single time where I have been hit on. Maybe we should form some sort of club


The non-delusional club. We are three so far


----------



## lovelygirl

WyshIknew said:


> Comments about the food in my trolley, "I'd love you to come around and cook that for me"


It could be seen as flirty.



> "Ooh, you've lost a lot of weight lately ***,


This is not flirty in itself. There's nothing wrong telling someone they've lost weight.



> it looks good on you, perhaps we could have a natter sometime and give me some tips." "By the way I'm on Facebook."


yeah this is flirty. 



> At the end of the day no girl is going to walk up to you and say "I'd like you to play Mr Wobbly hides his helmet with me" will they?


They won't necessarily tell you this and words alone are not enough to determine when one is flirty and when not. But their attitude speaks volumes. 

Saying/Noticing (randomly) the fact that you've lost weight is different from saying "hmm...you have lost weight? "


----------



## lovelygirl

ocotillo said:


> I hear what you're saying. Sometimes comments can be understood in more than one way and sometimes they just come out wrong.
> 
> If you're a male buying perfume for your wife and a female cashier playfully says, "Oh! Is this for me?" she's _probably_ just being silly and joking with you.
> 
> But if she says, "I'll give you your change if you give me your phone number", that's a little more direct, wouldn't you say?


Agreed. 
In the first example, men who want to please themselves say "she was flirting with me" . 

The 2nd is definitely flirty!


----------



## southern wife

national lampoons christmas vacation - just browsing - YouTube


----------



## Monarch

drerio said:


> The non-delusional club. We are three so far


I'm in that club, for the most part. I actually remember two times a woman hit on me. Both in college (that was a long time ago).

I was riding the bus downtown, and I was wearing my favorite rugby shirt. A bunch of high schoolers got on the bus and a couple of girls sat across from me. At one point one of them looked at her friend and motioned at me. She said very loudly something like "that's a nice shirt. he could give it to me but then he'd have to take it off." That was right as the bus was coming to their stop. They got off the bus and I just remember this older guy who was sitting across from me busting up laughing, shaking his head. I can only imagine the deer-in-headlights expression that must have been on my face.

The next time was probably that same year, a college friend made her intentions clear. I didn't reciprocate the same way, unfortunately...but you can't force these things.

Not sure what happened after that, but I have ever since been invisible to women except my then-friend, then-girlfriend, then-fiance, and now-wife. Funny thing is, though I'm straight (and my wife thinks this is very cute / funny) I get hit on by guys now and then. It's flattering, but doesn't really give me many options if the marriage were to fail, so I'm very careful about staying married to the last woman on earth who wants me.


----------



## humanbecoming

Amplexor said:


> Usually they are just looking for a bridge partner!


It's hell getting old, poor amp.

I have heard that retirement homes are great places for older guy though.... The ratio is definitely in the mans favor, and those old people need Someone...err... SOMETHING to do all day....


----------



## Soccerfan73

I think I'd be too dumb to realize it if a woman was hitting on me anyway. I'd just assume she just wanted directions or to know what time it was. 

There was a time when I was in the emergency room nearly in a Diabetic coma, and this really good looking nurse was taking my vitals. She winked at me a few times and slipped me her number as I was leaving to check into a hospital. True story actually. I always wondered WTF was that about. Maybe she had a fetish for guys almost seizing?


----------



## alte Dame

lovelygirl said:


> It's not that I can't tell the difference between being friendly and flirty.
> I'm trying to understand the perception of some men when they think someone is being flirty when they're clearly not.


It happened to me a lot when I was younger that men thought I was flirting and I wasn't.

My favorite example is when I was in grad school and a young asst. professor that I wasn't attracted to asked me out. I politely declined & he smiled and winked at me & said "c'mon, I know you really want to." When I couldn't convince him, he said:

"I know you like me because you showed me your breasts."

It turned out I had bent over slightly on a hot summer day when I was wearing a tank top & he got a cleavage shot that he just knew was meant for him.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

> *alte Dame said*: It happened to me a lot when I was younger that men thought I was flirting and I wasn't.


There was a thread on here not long ago....the way it was expressed / to uplift... rubbed me the wrong way....took many posts for it to hit my skull what was happening there... This wife was making references to women throwing themselves at her husband...she needed to rescue him from these female "predators"..... his & her value was very high on the market & they knew it.... eventually someone pointed out their was some "*self delusion*" going on there...it made them "feel good" to think all these people wanted & desired them/ hitting on them ...so they built themselves up like that. 

The *Self delusion* part stuck with me ... many on the thread felt some of that was healthy even, talking to each other like she just saved her husband from that poor hapless woman who couldn't shake her lust & want for him.. Me....I saw it as "over the top"...as I doubt the majority of these females wanted him like that... they were just being *FRIENDLY*.....though this wife was not convinced...

From this example...wouldn't you say* some *conjure up a little _*self delusion*_ with another being "friendly" ....where it often means nothing at all.....

Like alte Dame's example above....that Professor seen what he wanted to see...or he just said that to see how she would react.


----------



## Cosmos

SimplyAmorous said:


> There was a thread on here not long ago....the way it was expressed / to uplift... rubbed me the wrong way....took many posts for it to hit my skull what was happening there... This wife was making references to women throwing themselves at her husband...she needed to rescue him from these female "predators"..... his & her value was very high on the market & they knew it.... eventually someone pointed out their was some "*self delusion*" going on there...it made them "feel good" to think all these people wanted & desired them/ hitting on them ...so they built themselves up like that.
> 
> The *Self delusion* part stuck with me ... many on the thread felt some of that was healthy even, talking to each other like she just saved her husband from that poor hapless woman who couldn't shake her lust & want for him.. Me....I saw it as "over the top"...as I doubt the majority of these females wanted him like that... they were just being *FRIENDLY*.....though this wife was not convinced...


:iagree:

The thread you're referring to, SA, struck me the same way. I've met others like this on my journey through life and, frankly, always felt a little embarrassed for them more than anything.

For some time I had a friend whose delusions were such that they caused serious problems in my relationship. She had once dated my partner and remained convinced that he was madly in love with her (like just about every other man she knew). In the end her self-delusions resulted in us having to terminate our friendship with her.:scratchhead:


----------



## needguidance

I have never been hit on since I've been married. My W might notice when women look while we are out. Then again I remember being hit on by a bartender (female) in front of W. I consider it when the woman directly comments me or uses names of affection (babe, hun, sweety, baby). I guess some people can't hide their emotions. There was this lady I use to run into from time to time at work. She was very blunt, not the point of saying she wanted me but she use to tell me how I had pretty eyes, she liked my smile and recently how my hair looked good. Mind you I cut it myself and it was very generic but she "claimed" it looked really good. I thought it could have been better. She goes out of her way to talk to me sometimes but I'm not one to entertain conversation anymore these days. If you comment or compliment my looks then you're clearly interested. Not a hard mix up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Cosmos said:


> :iagree:
> 
> The thread you're referring to, SA, struck me the same way. I've met others like this on my journey through life and, frankly, always felt a little embarrassed for them more than anything.


 I am glad to hear it wasn't just me.... I got a little carried away in fine tooth combing her comments .. 

I mean, we all have some stories where the reality *is* that another is flirting/ interested (and it makes us feel good -like we still "got it" ) but these are generally few & far between ....when someone sees this everywhere they go, half the people they meet .... unless they are a Rock star, a Movie star...there is just no way! Especially if they are just "average looking"...something is amiss in their brains. Too much ego pumping to themselves. 

Where does this come from I wonder......Over praising from Parents perhaps..... Johnny didn't get 1st place, but that's cause the Judges are stupid - how dare them!! I don't know. 

Then there are those who wouldn't realize a "hit" if it was handed to them on their laps...they'd brush it off feeling "why would they want me?!"...these ones don't have enough confidence. Where maybe they should! 

For us outsiders ...being on the receiving end of such stories....it does take an evaluation ...if they have their feet on the ground or not. 




> For some time I had a friend whose delusions were such that they caused serious problems in my relationship. *She had once dated my partner and remained convinced that he was madly in love with her *(like just about every other man she knew). In the end her self-delusions resulted in us having to terminate our friendship with her.:scratchhead:


 That's an awkward one! He is WITH YOU, now your guy.....but still stuck on her (in her head)...and she'd verbalize this to boot. Ok....hmmmm ....twilight zone. 

What you say about your friend. I can't say I've met anyone quite like that. 



> *needguidance said*: Then again I remember being hit on by a bartender (female) in front of W. I consider it when the woman directly comments me or uses names of affection (babe, hun, sweety, baby).


 Some women just talk like this, the Secretary for our kids Pediatrician calls everyone "HUN'...it's her personality... I know every time I see her... I will get 3 Hun's thrown at me. In a bar atmosphere, that is surely very very MILD talk to the guys. 

I was a waitress once, I didn't particularly care when Men talked like that to me... (babe, hun, sweety)....but I still wouldn't take that as "hitting" on me....as this was just how some customers talk, even old men...they'd say the same things to the next waitress too, you just had to get used to it....if you wanted any tips.....they are just the flirty types... had nothing to do with me personally. I had no illusions they wanted to take me home.


----------



## Halien

As a writer, I find threads about body language and non-verbals to be very interesting. I think that most people who write as a hobby or professionally are people-watchers, to some degree. The threads like this that I've seen in the past tend to include undertones by men who confuse behaviors for flirting, or some women's assumption that men are largely just fooling themselves.

I think that many of the responses overlook a very small distinction in many men, and women for that matter. Just because a woman behaves in a way that some would describe as flirty, not many men regularly mistake that for being hit on in day to day life. Instead, it creates the non-verbal 'opening', where that person has dropped certain barriers that usually signal that they don't want to be talked to. Believe it or not, this doesn't happen every day to many men. Those barriers stay in place for many day to day interactions. When they are lowered, most men are smart enough to know that it isn't the same as being hit on, but it does make a person feel good. Some women see this happen between their husband and another woman, and make the assumption that it is flirting. Some men also mistakenly see it as flirting, when really it is little more than a subtle invitation to be something more than invisible strangers.

Being hit on is pretty rare. In fact, when it does happen, it is often so obvious that it is comical, like the acquaintance who brings over a caserole, and suddenly blurts that her husband lost interest in sex long ago, so while you can call her if you need 'anything' while the wife is away with a family emergency, you might end up getting more than you bargained for. Even then, you wonder if she's just messing with your head.


----------



## RandomDude

This thread reminds me of the song...

"Girl, I can notice but to, notice you... noticing me 
From across the room I can see it and can't stop myself from looking and noticing you, noticing me

Watch out, I've seen her type before... that girl is so dangerous, that girl is so dangerous! That girl is a bad girl! I've seen her type before, she's so dangerous, that girl is so dangerous, that girl is a bad girl, yeah!!!"

Kardinal Offishall - Dangerous ft. Akon - YouTube

Heh


----------



## gbrad

I wish I knew how women hit on me? Still something I have never figured out.


----------



## RandomDude

I swear you fellas who say that you never ever had a clue when you've been hit on must have broken way more hearts then I ever could


----------



## gbrad

RandomDude said:


> I swear you fellas who say that you never ever had a clue when you've been hit on must have broken way more hearts then I ever could


Seriously, I have no idea. And after walking away from a woman where there was a new interaction, I always wonder if it was just friendly or flirting? Was she just being kind, or did she want me? I have no idea and I have never pursued it to find out. As I have mentioned before, I have never asked anyone out, because I was just never 100% sure.


----------



## Monarch

Halien said:


> Being hit on is pretty rare. In fact, when it does happen, it is often so obvious that it is comical, like the acquaintance who brings over a caserole, and suddenly blurts that her husband lost interest in sex long ago, so while you can call her if you need 'anything' while the wife is away with a family emergency, you might end up getting more than you bargained for. Even then, you wonder if she's just messing with your head.


LOL...in other words, if you want to know if you're really being hit on, see if you can imagine the situation being the first 42 seconds of a porn movie. 

"Hey, the pizza delivery guy isn't wearing any pants!"

...


Just in case that comes out wrong - you never know in a written forum - I think what you said makes sense. There are many levels of human relationships, from "you don't exist" to "I want you". Aside from rock/movie stars, billionaires or just the hyper-attractive, insane-pheromone-offgassing, smile-that-knocks-you-off-your-feet type (I have a friend like that, she's like a bright lamp to men-moths) most of us probably have relationships that fall on a bell-shaped curve, and just because someone stops crossing their arms in front of you may only mean "I will speak to you", not "I want to shag you."

It's pretty clear people misinterpret all the time. Like the story of the bartender saying "hun": in a service industry where someone is working for tips I would _expect_ a little flirting, but it should also be expected that they only want a bigger tip, not the bonus plan. If you get a tab with a phone number on it that says "I'm off at 2" then that's a clearer signal. Anything else is just someone preying on your secret carnal desire to be generous when there is the remote possibility of sex involved.


----------



## BeachGuy

Cosmos said:


> That doctor was highly unprofessional, and I'd be freaked out if a male doctor behaved that way with me.


No, it wasn't like what you're imagining. I found it harmless. It wasn't like a internist office where everyone is in gowns with the backsides sticking out or anything. Think more like an eye doctor's office. I was flattered.

When it's a male doing that to a female, everyone freaks but when it's a female doing that to a male, it seems to be ok.


----------



## Ikaika

Before making another comment I suggest you read Halien's post. He articulated exactly how I would assess this thread topic. He put down eloquently what I summarized as delusional thinking on the part of some men.


----------



## AFEH

Halien said:


> As a writer, I find threads about body language and non-verbals to be very interesting. I think that most people who write as a hobby or professionally are people-watchers, to some degree. The threads like this that I've seen in the past tend to include undertones by men who confuse behaviors for flirting, or some women's assumption that men are largely just fooling themselves.
> 
> I think that many of the responses overlook a very small distinction in many men, and women for that matter. Just because a woman behaves in a way that some would describe as flirty, not many men regularly mistake that for being hit on in day to day life. Instead, it creates the non-verbal 'opening', where that person has dropped certain barriers that usually signal that they don't want to be talked to. Believe it or not, this doesn't happen every day to many men. Those barriers stay in place for many day to day interactions. When they are lowered, most men are smart enough to know that it isn't the same as being hit on, but it does make a person feel good. Some women see this happen between their husband and another woman, and make the assumption that it is flirting. Some men also mistakenly see it as flirting, when really it is little more than a subtle invitation to be something more than invisible strangers.
> 
> Being hit on is pretty rare. In fact, when it does happen, it is often so obvious that it is comical, like the acquaintance who brings over a caserole, and suddenly blurts that her husband lost interest in sex long ago, so while you can call her if you need 'anything' while the wife is away with a family emergency, you might end up getting more than you bargained for. Even then, you wonder if she's just messing with your head.


It's in the unspoken words Halien. That's the place to look for women's messages when they have the hots for you. Some are blatant even though unspoken, take a look at Does she like me? 13 Female Gestures to Prove It.


Read anything by just about any female writer, there'll be one heck of a lot of courtship body language signals in their words.


It's a mistake, a very big one, to even begin to think that women do their courting in the same way as men. And for sure when they do try can come across quite comical and clumsy. Much like an unsophisticated man or a man who is "gaming".

Women mostly perform their courting signals so they can pull out of the interchange and totally deny any intent. It's akin to fishing, they put their bait in the water to see what happens. The often stupid fish thinks it was his hunting (pulling) skills that got him the meal.


----------



## Halien

AFEH said:


> It's in the unspoken words Halien. That's the place to look for women's messages when they have the hots for you. Some are blatant even though unspoken, take a look at Does she like me? 13 Female Gestures to Prove It.
> 
> 
> Read anything by just about any female writer, there'll be one heck of a lot of courtship body language signals in their words.
> 
> 
> It's a mistake, a very big one, to even begin to think that women do their courting in the same way as men. And for sure when they do try and can come across quite comical and clumsy. Much like an unsophisticated man or a man who is "gaming".
> 
> Women mostly do it so they can pull out of the interchange and totally deny any intent. It's akin to fishing, they put their bate in the water to see what happens. The often stupid fish thinks it was his hunting (pulling) skills that got him the meal.


I agree, but while it may be very difficult to describe, I was also trying to say that there can be a number of different levels of interactions going on, many not even having a sexual intent. Some people, men and women, just give off a vibe of being understanding, having empathy, and people might almost instinctively lower their normal barriers when meeting this person. Or, we may lower these barriers because because it is practical in getting good tips, business deals, etc. Yes, maybe some of these can turn into attraction, but we shouldn't dismiss that an outside observer might mistake it as 'hitting on' someone. 

SA had a really good point about one of the threads she referenced. Can't help but wonder if the person who thought that their spouse was being hit on all the time was actually instead, just seeing interchanges where the spouse just naturally engaged people in a way that made people more likely to respond socially, not sexually.


----------



## AFEH

For sure, it’s a “courtship”. Courtships have their initiator and responder, in that somebody starts the dance. But seemingly a lot of men, especially some of those here don’t even know when they’ve been invited onto the dance floor.

And women are well aware of that! They’ll send out up to five invitations to dance with their body language and if the guy is blind or is not responding for some reason or other she’ll give up.

These things for most men and women start at the subconscious level. Attraction in these things is natural, instinctual. Primal. They work their way up from the subconscious and into the conscious level of our mind.

That’s why guys think they had the idea first. That it was their idea to initiate the courtship when it’s already been initiated by the woman.


----------



## lovelygirl

humanbecoming said:


> Maybe someone else covered this, but I see a big difference between "flirting" and "hitting on".


Interesting!
I never really thought about the difference between those two but now that I think about it ..flirting is about body language/attitude/observation/voice.

Hitting on is about words and sometimes and keeping up with chit chats.


----------



## ocotillo

When I was a little boy, women in public would look at me and smile. But that changed right around puberty. Strange women suddenly had mannequinesque demeanors and icy stares.

I was standing in line at the bank last night and there was an attractive women ahead of me in line. She turned around to look at something and her eyes met mine for maybe a whole 1/100th of a second before they instantly glazed over and refocused on an invisible something over my shoulder. A man would have looked me in the eye; perhaps nodded; perhaps even said hello. Anything less coming from a man would be a social slight.

But that's not the way it works with women and that's typical. Most women have this non-verbal barrier in place. My own daughters have told me that they wear sunglasses in public just to avoid making eye contact with sketchy men. 

So in defense of the delusional, I think it's pretty easy for a man to infer more from simple politeness than what is intended.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Halien said:


> SA had a really good point about one of the threads she referenced. Can't help but wonder if the person who thought that their spouse was being hit on all the time was actually instead, just seeing interchanges where the spouse just naturally engaged people in a way that made people more likely to respond *socially*, not sexually.


THIS is my view and let me use myself as an example...



> *Halien said*: Being hit on is pretty rare.


:iagree:



> *Halien said*: *Some people, men* *and women*, *just give off a vibe of being understanding, having empathy, and people might almost instinctively lower their normal barriers when meeting this person*. Or, we may lower these barriers because because it is practical in getting good tips, business deals, etc. Yes, maybe some of these can turn into attraction, but we shouldn't dismiss that an outside observer might mistake it as 'hitting on' someone.


I am THIS ^^^ ( scratch the business deals part). 

I am a very engaging person who enjoys a meaningful conversation, free spirited ~ open ~ I don't get off the farm much being a SAHM... but when I do.. I enjoy people....in a group, at a function, ON THIS FORUM...whatever... if a conversation gets started, we can go places in a short time....touch even the controversial (Religion, Politics, Marriage)..... People have always opened up to me easily... don't know what to say about that.....It is what it is. 

I ask questions, I enjoy the back & forth. If I feel they are "safe" people...







. The circles I run in are more Christian based - so this helps... 

My husband is usually right there beside me (I'd say 90% of the time)... but there have been times where he wasn't....a Children's function/ Church Picnic / Birthday Party, whatever ...if a man starts to talk to me... I TALK BACK .....I enjoy conversation...unless he appears a stalker, a weirdo, it's a dangerous place, I use my best judgement. 

Was at a Parade weeks ago, a Photographer started talking to me, we talked about cameras..lenses, a variety of things, kids, dogs over a half an hour. 

IF all of these men THOUGHT I had ulterior motives = I wanted them .....a little laughter, smiling, a passing compliment (appearance I would not go there - but other things, I may).... then I am the freaking TOWN FLIRT..... but I would say ..."*NOT*"... 

Can't people talk to each other without getting the wrong idea [email protected]#$%^ 

I would never touch anyone, not even a tap on their shoulder.. it's just a conversation in a moment....an hour in a life..... you chit chatted ...maybe you even helped them with something, gave another perspective.... you may never see them again...or maybe you will ...no further intention.... you go home...tell your spouse about it all (I always do).... Period. 

Where is THE LINE in opposite sex communication? I am not a "stone face" around people in real life ... I DO allow others to open that conversation though.....I virtually never start a conversation with a stranger. (online is different, I do approach if I have a curious question) 

I surely do not think all the men who open a conversation is trying to flirt....and if they think I am doing some DANCE of attraction with them - well...geeze... I guess I better become a "stone face"!! 

I have a few stories, and they are just a handful where I would call it "hitting".... they are a "







.. "did he just say that!" moment..... if it's outside this.... I've never looked upon it as anything but "friendly".....I would feel that is being *presumptuous*.



ocotillo said:


> So in defense of the delusional, I think it's pretty easy for a man to infer more from simple politeness than what is intended.


 To this I say...a bit of a shame. I have likely given many men the wrong impression then.


----------



## OhGeesh

They don't and I think the stories you read here are sensationalized a little bit. Maybe hit one "ONCE" in a year or two.....lol. I also think most guys are clueless and think if a woman acknowledges his existance by looking, smiling, talking, or possibly even breathing near him, he will take it as flirting.... 

Really any busy married parent where is the time to get hit on? Kids, breakfast, off to work, work is done, kids, homework, soccer, taekwondo, gymnastics, study, clean house, cook dinner, or eat out, spend time with spouse, etc etc.

I'm way too busy to be hit on.....lol.


----------



## AFEH

OhGeesh said:


> *They don't and I think the stories you read here are sensationalized a little bit.* Maybe hit one "ONCE" in a year or two.....lol. I also think most guys are clueless and think if a woman acknowledges his existance by looking, smiling, talking, or possibly even breathing near him, he will take it as flirting....
> 
> Really any busy married parent where is the time to get hit on? Kids, breakfast, off to work, work is done, kids, homework, soccer, taekwondo, gymnastics, study, clean house, cook dinner, or eat out, spend time with spouse, etc etc.
> 
> I'm way too busy to be hit on.....lol.


It’s pretty obvious that a guy with a sex rank of say 8 is going to get hit on a lot more than a guy with a sex rank of 4. That the guy with the sr of 4 wont have a clue about the world of the guy with the higher sex rank and will in some cases think it all made up when in fact it is, well facts.


If these things don’t happen to you then it may be that you’ve either got a very low sex rank and/or very low self-esteem or you’ve a high sex rank but are just blind to what goes on around you.


Being busy and the places where these things happen have very little to do with it. In fact the busier the guy is the more attractive he is from being the provider point of view, it adds to his attraction whereas being a lazy slob doesn’t. But it does of course depend what it is he’s busy doing.


----------



## Ikaika

AFEH said:


> It’s pretty obvious that a guy with a sex rank of say 8 is going to get hit on a lot more than a guy with a sex rank of 4. That the guy with the sr of 4 wont have a clue about the world of the guy with the higher sex rank and will in some cases think it all made up when in fact it is, well facts.
> 
> 
> If these things don’t happen to you then it may be that you’ve either got a very low sex rank and/or very low self-esteem or you’ve a high sex rank but are just blind to what goes on around you.
> 
> 
> Being busy and the places where these things happen have very little to do with it. In fact the busier the guy is the more attractive he is from being the provider point of view, it adds to his attraction whereas being a lazy slob doesn’t. But it does of course depend what it is he’s busy doing.


Is that sex rank in inches


----------



## AFEH

lovelygirl said:


> Interesting!
> I never really thought about the difference between those two but now that I think about it ..flirting is about body language/attitude/observation/voice.
> 
> Hitting on is about words and sometimes and keeping up with chit chats.


If you saw your boyfriend flirting with another girl, you wouldn’t think he was hitting on her?

Or if you saw another girl flirting with your boyfriend, you wouldn’t think she was hitting on him?


Both body language and the spoken language communicate things. The truth of what’s being spoken will be found in the body language as unlike spoken words, body language is quite hard to fake.


If for example you challenge the girl and she says she wasn't hitting on your boyfriend yet you saw she was with her body language, you are unlikely to believe what she actually tells you.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

AFEH said:


> If for example you challenge the girl and she says she wasn't hitting on your boyfriend yet you saw she was with her body language, you are unlikely to believe what she actually tells you.


This reply is not about what one constitutes as HITTING but how I feel it should be handled if /when it comes.

Me & mine had a conversation about this ages ago... we both feel the same....neither of us can help what other people outside of our little circle DO...what they think, what they say, their body language, their motivations/intentions... 

It is He who is *committed *to me ...and I who am* committed* to him... So if some outside force (male/ female, friend/ stranger) .... is hitting, a little too flirtatious, body language raising an eye brow...we can't help that....we're just living, we are social creatures after all. 

*However*....we can choose to remove ourselves, put up a barrier of some sort if we feel a line (in our







) is being crossed... as to NOT hurt our significant other. But we both agree.... our beef would be with each other... not the outside force. 

I would never confront another woman - I would confront the one I am committed to...if what I saw/felt was "inappropriate behavior".....we'd be talking.

I can't say this has ever happened though.... I guess my husbands "sex rank" is not high enough to attract the women.


----------



## Entropy3000

southern wife said:


> national lampoons christmas vacation - just browsing - YouTube


One of my favorites. 

The eyes and smile tell a lot but it also comes with other body language. A flip of the hair sometimes. Touching. Halien I correct about the escalation and testing of boundaries. You get some increasing inuendo and so on. Maybe get flashes of more skin.

I remember from a documentary on sexual attraction where they used a speed dating scenario to see how interested people were in each other. The men felt that the women were into them more than the women admitted. The tale away was that biologically men benefit from feeling optomistic. If they are right one time out of twenty then this is a successful strategy. This is very much why many husbands want their wives to shut down guys more blatantly. If a guy gets a positive sign and then a negative he will favor the positive sign. 

That said, anytime a woman asks me to her hotel room for drinks or just as we get up from the lounge looks at me in a quetioning way while holding up a hotel key for me to take, I feel I am being hit on. Maybe I am just imagining things. BTW I never hangout with women alone.

Before I was married I was not the agressive type with women. Not that I was not interested but I was brought up in a strict way. Catholic school ...

Anyway, I knew I was being hit on when :

They started to blow in my ear or get very very close where they wanted a kiss. Forcing physical closeness. I guess I was that obtuse. 

Oh and rubbing the inside of my thigh and so on. That was a dead giveaway even for me.

Or just flat suggesting we go somewhere else that just so happened put us alone on a beach or in general a lovers lane situation or an apartment / bedroom.

Instigation, Isolation and Escalation.


----------



## lovelygirl

AFEH said:


> If you saw your boyfriend flirting with another girl, you wouldn’t think he was hitting on her?
> 
> Or if you saw another girl flirting with your boyfriend, you wouldn’t think she was hitting on him?
> 
> 
> Both body language and the spoken language communicate things. The truth of what’s being spoken will be found in the body language as unlike spoken words, body language is quite hard to fake.
> 
> 
> If for example you challenge the girl and she says she wasn't hitting on your boyfriend yet you saw she was with her body language, you are unlikely to believe what she actually tells you.


You're totally right. Flirting is part of hitting on and in all the cases I'd think she was trying to get it on with my bf.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Entropy3000 said:


> Anyway, I knew I was being hit on when :
> 
> They started to blow in my ear or get very very close where they wanted a kiss. Forcing physical closeness. I guess I was that obtuse.
> 
> Oh and rubbing the inside of my thigh and so on. That was a dead giveaway even for me.
> 
> Or just flat suggesting we go somewhere else that just so happened put us alone on a beach or in general a lovers lane situation or an apartment / bedroom.
> 
> Instigation, Isolation and Escalation.


That is way HITTING, hitting hard - overt ! I think I am out of touch with the world.... I am so far removed from women who would act like this, it's hard for me to even imagine - though we see it on TV often enough....sounds like something that would happen in a BAR or at a wild party.


----------



## RandomDude

I still remember when I was 18, this lady in the club was staring at me, playing with her hair, posing, smiling at me, pointing at me to all her friends (like wtf? can you make it even more obvious?)

I walked up to her face and yelled "WTF ARE YOU STARING AT", the look on her face and everyone else's was O.O
lol good fun - I was in a sh-t mode that night


----------



## lovelygirl

SimplyAmorous said:


> That is way HITTING, hitting hard - overt ! I think I am out of touch with the world.... I am so far removed from women who would act like this, it's hard for me to even imagine - though we see it on TV often enough....sounds like something that would happen in a BAR or at a wild party.


Exactly my thoughts.
What world do you live in, Entropy? lol

I know _some_ women in the States are way more easy and brainless than the girls in Europe ...but rubbing the thighs, asking to be alone and showing the room keys....just goes beyond what's considered a normal behavior for a grown up when dealing with another grown up who's already married. 

I can't imagine doing that not only to married guys but also to single guys.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

lovelygirl said:


> Exactly my thoughts.
> What world do you live in, Entropy? lol
> 
> I know _some_ women in the States are way more easy and brainless than the girls in Europe ...but rubbing the thighs, asking to be alone and showing the room keys....just goes beyond what's considered a normal behavior for a grown up when dealing with another grown up who's already married.
> 
> I can't imagine doing that not only to married guys but also to single guys.


I am truly out of touch with what goes on ~ being the hick country girl I've always been... I've only seen the inside a Bar maybe 3 times without my husband at my side / probably less than 15 times in our lifetime....& all of those were to sit down & eat with friends. 

I'm terribly sheltered ~ Him too I suppose. Can't say we feel we're missing much though.


----------



## lovelygirl

Having been around these women and still resisted, makes Ent be a man of dignity and his wife is the luckiest woman on Earth. Had it been another man he would have probably given in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gbrad

Entropy3000 said:


> One of my favorites.
> 
> The eyes and smile tell a lot but it also comes with other body language. A flip of the hair sometimes. Touching. Halien I correct about the escalation and testing of boundaries. You get some increasing inuendo and so on. Maybe get flashes of more skin.
> 
> I remember from a documentary on sexual attraction where they used a speed dating scenario to see how interested people were in each other. The men felt that the women were into them more than the women admitted. The tale away was that biologically men benefit from feeling optomistic. If they are right one time out of twenty then this is a successful strategy. This is very much why many husbands want their wives to shut down guys more blatantly. If a guy gets a positive sign and then a negative he will favor the positive sign.
> 
> That said, anytime a woman asks me to her hotel room for drinks or just as we get up from the lounge looks at me in a quetioning way while holding up a hotel key for me to take, I feel I am being hit on. Maybe I am just imagining things. BTW I never hangout with women alone.
> 
> Before I was married I was not the agressive type with women. Not that I was not interested but I was brought up in a strict way. Catholic school ...
> 
> Anyway, I knew I was being hit on when :
> 
> They started to blow in my ear or get very very close where they wanted a kiss. Forcing physical closeness. I guess I was that obtuse.
> 
> Oh and rubbing the inside of my thigh and so on. That was a dead giveaway even for me.
> 
> Or just flat suggesting we go somewhere else that just so happened put us alone on a beach or in general a lovers lane situation or an apartment / bedroom.
> 
> Instigation, Isolation and Escalation.


I'm pretty sure some of those extreme actions are what I would need to take the hint.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

I've been told that I put out an "unapproachable" vibe in person by several women over the years. Women flirt with me pretty often, but I don't consider it hitting on me.


----------



## AFEH

SimplyAmorous said:


> This reply is not about what one constitutes as HITTING but how I feel it should be handled if /when it comes.
> 
> Me & mine had a conversation about this ages ago... we both feel the same....neither of us can help what other people outside of our little circle DO...what they think, what they say, their body language, their motivations/intentions...
> 
> It is He who is *committed *to me ...and I who am* committed* to him... So if some outside force (male/ female, friend/ stranger) .... is hitting, a little too flirtatious, body language raising an eye brow...we can't help that....we're just living, we are social creatures after all.
> 
> *However*....we can choose to remove ourselves, put up a barrier of some sort if we feel a line (in our
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ) is being crossed... as to NOT hurt our significant other. But we both agree.... our beef would be with each other... not the outside force.
> 
> I would never confront another woman - I would confront the one I am committed to...if what I saw/felt was "inappropriate behavior".....we'd be talking.
> 
> I can't say this has ever happened though.... I guess my husbands "sex rank" is not high enough to attract the women.


I think there are many opportunities to cheat, but for me the blame is always 100% on the cheating spouse if they do. Do you remember that battle royal here and in CWI about it? One of the MCs was saying the faithful spouse was part to blame yet I was having none of it. Most agreed with me, it was quite a turning point.


But have you never instinctively or impulsively, unknowingly given off courtship signals to another man beside your husband? These primal attractions happen at the subconscious level and work their way up and into our consciousness such that we become aware of them.

For example a woman who’s deeply attracted to a guy she’s just seen for the very first time may well suddenly realise, become aware that she’s been pushing her hair back exposing her ear and neck and that she’s flushing and licking her lips because she’s got the hots for him. It all happens in just a few seconds.


----------



## AFEH

SimplyAmorous said:


> That is way HITTING, hitting hard - overt ! I think I am out of touch with the world.... I am so far removed from women who would act like this, it's hard for me to even imagine - though we see it on TV often enough....sounds like something that would happen in a BAR or at a wild party.


You should see some sales women in action. In one company I worked for I was promoted and recruited a sales woman to take over my accounts. It was amazing just how quickly she had the male clients eating out of her hand and following her around like puppy dogs. Men can be such fools in the face of a pretty and attentive woman.


----------



## RandomDude

AFEH said:


> You should see some sales women in action. In one company I worked for I was promoted and recruited a sales woman to take over my accounts. It was amazing just how quickly she had the male clients eating out of her hand and following her around like puppy dogs. Men can be such fools in the face of a pretty and attentive woman.


Reminds me of why I actually wanted my wife to try out the sales industry, she's a natural at it, if harnessed and trained she could indeed be very successful. Hell and she can finally contribute a bit too financially for once, SAHM for 4 years now.


----------



## Cosmos

AFEH said:


> But have you never instinctively or impulsively, unknowingly given off courtship signals to another man beside your husband? These primal attractions happen at the subconscious level and work their way up and into our consciousness such that we become aware of them.
> 
> For example a woman who’s deeply attracted to a guy she’s just seen for the very first time may well suddenly realise, become aware that she’s been pushing her hair back exposing her ear and neck and that she’s flushing and licking her lips because she’s got the hots for him. It all happens in just a few seconds.


:iagree:


I tend to observe people's body language almost as much as what they're saying.


----------



## AFEH

Cosmos said:


> :iagree:
> 
> 
> I tend to observe people's body language almost as much as what they're saying.


I'm going to experiment with reading people's body language first and see if their words agree! I think in the main we do this subconsciously anyway.


Mothers and hence women are the greatest readers of body language, have to be because their baby cannot talk to them with spoken words.


----------



## Cosmos

AFEH said:


> I'm going to experiment with reading people's body language first and see if their words agree! I think in the main we do this subconsciously anyway.
> 
> 
> Mothers and hence women are the greatest readers of body language, have to be because their baby cannot talk to them with spoken words.


That could prove to be a very interesting experiment.

I'm not someone who takes instant dislikes to people willy-nilly, but in the past I remember meeting people who caused my 'hackles' to rise for no apparent reason. I would chide myself for being judgmental and put my initial reaction aside and try to get to know them a little better. However, in many instances I found that my initial response turned out to be correct.

These days I pay close attention to verbal and non-verbal cues from people, because what they say is not always a true indication of how they are thinking.


----------



## Ikaika

AFEH said:


> I'm going to experiment with reading people's body language first and see if their words agree! I think in the main we do this subconsciously anyway.
> 
> 
> Mothers and hence women are the greatest readers of body language, have to be because their baby cannot talk to them with spoken words.


I've read/written enough research papers in my career. Submit a research design and I can tell you whether you will get publishable results. After all if you don't plan on publishing, there is really is no point.


----------



## AFEH

drerio said:


> I've read/written enough research papers in my career. Submit a research design and I can tell you whether you will get publishable results. After all if you don't plan on publishing, there is really is no point.


:sleeping:


----------



## Ikaika

AFEH said:


> :sleeping:


So you are not serious and so this discussion is pretty useless. Oh well and any theory you have as to the way women hit on men is based on anecdotal evidence that can be argued ad nauseum. Carry on.


----------



## AFEH

drerio said:


> So you are not serious and so this discussion is pretty useless. Oh well and any theory you have as to the way women hit on men is based on anecdotal evidence that can be argued ad nauseum. Carry on.


I was in sales for a part of my working life. Never wasted anytime talking with gatekeepers.


----------



## Ikaika

AFEH said:


> I was in sales for a part of my working life. Never wasted anytime talking with gatekeepers.


:scratchhead: 

Fine, I will simply suggest that as a gregarious species with large amount of motor cortex devoted to facial expressions and 70% of all of our sensory receptors located within our eyes, I could easily suggest that what some may cue as "hitting on me", is simply a matter of connecting with our fellow species as we have since the dawn of mankind. Easy to misinterpret signals of sexual nature v. a friendly "glad to know you". But, then again that is my interpretation.


----------



## sandc

Let me ask you Lovelygirl, does this count as hitting on me? We were having a computer virus outbreak at work. I was going through everyone's machines to make sure we did not have any residual viruses on them. When I got to one particular woman's machine (we have talked a lot in the past) she moved behind me so I could check her computer. She then became very interested in what I was looking and and leaned in to look at the monitor. She pressed her breast very hard against my shoulder. When I turned to look at her she just looked back and me and didn't move. I told her her computer was clean and excused myself and also told my wife what happened.

What do you think? Hitting on my or she just isn't aware of where her breasts are?


----------



## AFEH

LOL that's called hitting on you in the literal sense. I was in a neighbours a while back, she's two small sons. I was just standing there talking to them and she came up behind me and did the same thing. Loads of other places for her to stand in the room!


----------



## sandc

Maybe they use them like curb feelers on a car?


----------



## Anubis

A lot of good observations in this thread. One thing that's clear is that people vary greatly in both how they send out signals, and how well they recognize them.

What I've noticed with women is there is a spectrum from coy flirting to outright hitting on a guy, with more of the former than the latter, often for the reason AFEH stated: so they can pull out of the interchange and totally deny any intent if they wish.

When I was younger, I learned quickly to error on the side of assuming that the smiles, looks and smalltalk are just the woman being 'nice' and not some special interest in me. Mostly that was a lack of self-confidence and a belief that I was some sort of ugly troll. That was very far from the truth, but it was a long, long time before I realized that. (a funny aside, I recently had catch-up with a high-school friend and her sister in which came up her her sister's blatant efforts to get me to ask her to her senior prom.. which went over my head mostly because I thought she was waaaay out of my league... *sigh* )

During my marriage, in which I defiantly married down, from the very beginning I was verbally and emotionally brutalized for so much as looking in the direction another woman, be it the waitress, clerk, or anyone vaguely female, so I never noticed any flirting as I was literally averting my eyes. It wasn't until after the D that I found out that my ex had a history of cheating on me going all the way back to before our wedding That explained a lot of why my ex-w was always accusing me of cheating when I wasn't - she was projecting her own behavior. ( I was thinking of making a separate post based on what I recently scraped off one of her old hard drives from the late'90s that blew my eyes open ) 

Anyway, being single in my 40s was an eye-opener. My sex rank had clearly gone up - what I had been though led to a serious personal 180 and for once I was realizing just how much I had to offer and brought to the table. Combine that with good genes and a serious shift towards Alpha - life got too short to not take charge or let someone else run it, and for the first time I was getting seriously hit on by women my age and younger. I've experienced a good range from classic flirting up to and including girls coming right out saying "I want to have sex with you/Here's my room key/whoops I don't know where my bra and shirt went". 

For the record, my fiance made the first contact and moves towards me at a time when I had gone out with 4 different women in the prior month, and made it clear up front that she really liked me and things could go far quickly. On my behalf I must say that once we clicked I knew that she was the something special I had been looking for since my teens  and my dating around days promptly ended.

A couple of things I noticed while dating:

* older women ( over 35 ) are more likely to come right out let you know what they want sex with you (and move towards locking a guy into a relationship). For a while I tried to date close to my age, and the combination of demographics, competition from younger women and confidence that comes with maturity seemed to make them less passive or willing to let something slip past due to inaction than younger girls.

* Money matters. If a guy seems to bring more to the table, including the prospect of his woman not having to work, the gals can get much more forthright and aggressive. I'm sure I'm not the most successful guy here by a long shot, but I've been in the 93-98th percentile of earners for most of the last dozen years, and I've had multiple times when I've allowed it to been seen and the overt come-ons quickly followed.


----------



## Racer

My wife has questioned the “In what way do women hit on you?”.... At first, I used to do the rational. Body language, words, etc. as discussed already on this thread. Then I understood and shifted my perception.

What is important if your spouse asks you this is they are wondering whether it’s a threat to their security. My answer: “Well dear, you trained me. She met your own minimum standards for expressing want and desire of me. In other words, she made it known that she valued and wanted to know me better. I was worth ‘getting to know and spend time with’. She made sure I knew she was interested in me. In turn... I did feel wanted and desirable.” 

It doesn’t even matter if that was the OW’s intent or not. And no... I don’t think all these women are making a sexual pass (though I can be a bit blind to it). I just like to point out that they made more effort than her to express interest and attraction toward me than she herself does. She should worry less about these other women and what they are doing and instead look in the mirror and ask herself “In what way do I hit on my husband?”. That’s the only thing she can control anyway.


----------



## AFEH

sandc said:


> Maybe they use them like curb feelers on a car?


I'm gonna be a curb.


----------



## AFEH

Anubis, sorry to hear about that with your wife. I’ve been amazed at the “truth” I’ve discovered since we separated.

I’ve a mate who after his divorce starting dating. He had one woman around his home for a first date. He said he was sat opposite her and she got down on her hands and knees, went across the room to give him a bj. I guess there’s nobody going to mistake that hit on lol.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

sandc said:


> She pressed her breast very hard against my shoulder. When I turned to look at her she just looked back and me and didn't move. I told her her computer was clean and excused myself and also told my wife what happened.
> 
> What do you think? Hitting on my or she just isn't aware of where her breasts are?


Not that you asked me, but IF this was me... I would have been very apologetic about getting too close, near embarrassed  -trying to back away.... I would have jolted out of the way and/or said something as to NOT get the wrong idea. Personal space is a HUGE one in my book. When that gets invaded, it's just more intentional ~boundaryless. 

What did your wife say SandC? 

I just went & asked my husband what he would think, he could see that being a Hitting, he also would have done the same as you... just excused himself , went about his business, then telling ME. :smthumbup:

I would have been eye brow raising amused by that... like "Oh really"... . I could see me asking him every day for awhile if anymore boob laying was going on.


----------



## sandc

SimplyAmorous said:


> Not that you asked me, but IF this was me... I would have been very apologetic about getting too close, near embarrassed  -trying to back away.... I would have jolted out of the way and/or said something as to NOT get the wrong idea. Personal space is a HUGE one in my book. When that gets invaded, it's just more intentional ~boundaryless.


If only it had been you...

JUST. KIDDING.




SimplyAmorous said:


> What did your wife say SandC?


My wife is the coolest woman I know. I love her and her boobs - ONLY. I don't think she could believe something like that actually happened. "Are you sure? Are you sure it was her boob?" etc. "Yes, I'm sure. Honey, I know what boobs are, it was her boob. Too squishy to be anything else." She wanted to know what my reaction was, I told her. Then she said she hoped I'd be staying away from that woman. Her way of saying "don't you dare go near her again." Yup. Roger that.




SimplyAmorous said:


> I just went & asked my husband what he would think, he could see that being a Hitting, he also would have done the same as you... just excused himself , went about his business, then telling ME. :smthumbup:


Cool. I feel validated now. No big deal, just back away slowly.



SimplyAmorous said:


> I would have been eye brow raising amused by that... like "Oh really"... . I could see me asking him every day for awhile if anymore boob laying was going on.


I think you and my wife are very similar.


----------



## Entropy3000

SimplyAmorous said:


> That is way HITTING, hitting hard - overt ! I think I am out of touch with the world.... I am so far removed from women who would act like this, it's hard for me to even imagine - though we see it on TV often enough....sounds like something that would happen in a BAR or at a wild party.


First off. This last post was when I was young and single.

Secondly it was likely about the crowd I was with. It was a whole new world for me. A candy store that came to me.

I decided after a while of this type of life style it was not for me. That is when I started looking for someone like my wife.


----------



## WyshIknew

sandc said:


> If only it had been you...
> 
> JUST. KIDDING.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> My wife is the coolest woman I know. I love her and her boobs - ONLY. I don't think she could believe something like that actually happened. "Are you sure? Are you sure it was her boob?" etc. "Yes, I'm sure. Honey, I know what boobs are, it was her boob. Too squishy to be anything else." She wanted to know what my reaction was, I told her. Then she said she hoped I'd be staying away from that woman. Her way of saying "don't you dare go near her again." Yup. *Roger that.*
> 
> Hmmmm 'roger that'  (Brit humour)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Cool. I feel validated now. No big deal, just back away slowly.
> 
> 
> 
> I think you and my wife are very similar.


----------



## Halien

Several, including Entropy and others, have mentioned a common theme that maybe some don't realize. Some of the more blatant offers of a sexual nature are couched in humor, so the person can 'take back' the offer, in a sense, if it was ever really an offer in the first place. As a manager of a group that travels frequently with employees from other support roles in different locations, iIn some of the cases that have progressed to the point that I had to take disciplinary action, it often seemed to start with some blantant suggestive offer that the person claimed to be a joke ... until it wasn't anymore.


----------



## sandc

Wysh,
It's pilot talk! Get your head out of your tuxedo! 

Although that explains why pilots say things like that.


----------



## Entropy3000

lovelygirl said:


> Exactly my thoughts.
> What world do you live in, Entropy? lol
> 
> I know _some_ women in the States are way more easy and brainless than the girls in Europe ...but rubbing the thighs, asking to be alone and showing the room keys....just goes beyond what's considered a normal behavior for a grown up when dealing with another grown up who's already married.
> 
> I can't imagine doing that not only to married guys but also to single guys.


Again I was single at that time. I would never let a woman do that to me now !!! LOL. But I like my wife to do those things.

I don't know. I had some kind of apeal going for me. As Neil Young sang "Any girl in the world could have know me better" -- Mr Soul. 

They probably figured I was safe. That was something that I heard more than once. They felt very safe in my arms. Maybe just a line. You know how women are. 

I was a naive young guy player sailor.


----------



## lovelygirl

sandc said:


> Let me ask you Lovelygirl, does this count as hitting on me? We were having a computer virus outbreak at work. I was going through everyone's machines to make sure we did not have any residual viruses on them. When I got to one particular woman's machine (we have talked a lot in the past) she moved behind me so I could check her computer. She then became very interested in what I was looking and and leaned in to look at the monitor. She pressed her breast very hard against my shoulder. When I turned to look at her she just looked back and me and didn't move. I told her her computer was clean and excused myself and also told my wife what happened.
> 
> What do you think? Hitting on my or she just isn't aware of where her breasts are?


I was about to say no she wasn't hitting on you until I reached the part where you said she looked back at you and didn't move.
As for standing behind you, leaning in and pressing her breasts...I wouldn't say it's necessarily a hitting on because physical contact sometimes has these results but given that she looked at you that way then all the other actions before this had the intention of hitting on you.


----------



## Entropy3000

lovelygirl said:


> Having been around these women and still resisted, makes Ent be a man of dignity and his wife is the luckiest woman on Earth. Had it been another man he would have probably given in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now lets be clear. When I was young I did not do a lot of resisting lovely girl.

When I refer to hotel room keys I very much shoot that down and make it clear that there is no chance of anything happening ... ever. But I have wondered if I put out some vibe that I might be. I also talk about my wife in very positive when I am with folks. This is not contrived. I do not over do it but it should be clear I very much am in love with her.


----------



## Entropy3000

gbrad said:


> I'm pretty sure some of those extreme actions are what I would need to take the hint.


See that is just it. Even when I was single I was so naive I guess that it took that. Where other guys would take the hint. maybe the fact I was so cool about it all and not agressive came off better. Idunno


----------



## Entropy3000

sandc said:


> Let me ask you Lovelygirl, does this count as hitting on me? We were having a computer virus outbreak at work. I was going through everyone's machines to make sure we did not have any residual viruses on them. When I got to one particular woman's machine (we have talked a lot in the past) she moved behind me so I could check her computer. She then became very interested in what I was looking and and leaned in to look at the monitor. She pressed her breast very hard against my shoulder. When I turned to look at her she just looked back and me and didn't move. I told her her computer was clean and excused myself and also told my wife what happened.
> 
> What do you think? Hitting on my or she just isn't aware of where her breasts are?


Yes the breasts that have no feeling. LOL. I have experienced that as well.

You ask yourself. Does she know she is pushing her breast rather firmly against my shoulder. Are they soooo big that she cannot help it. 

FWIW I love when my wife does that to me.

Or the casual sweep of the hand over the traps / shoulders and or arms. I have felt the surprise in that when they realize, oh my that is muscle under there and it lingers and last just a little longer than it should. You can then see the surprise. They act like they just copped a feel.


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## lovelygirl

Entropy3000 said:


> Now lets be clear. When I was young I did not do a lot of resisting lovely girl.
> 
> When I refer to hotel room keys I very much shoot that down and make it clear that there is no chance of anything happening ... ever. But I have wondered if I put out some vibe that I might be.


I thought you were married hence I complimented you on resisting.

If you were single, it doesn't matter what you did at that point. lol


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## Entropy3000

Halien said:


> Several, including Entropy and others, have mentioned a common theme that maybe some don't realize. Some of the more blatant offers of a sexual nature are couched in humor, so the person can 'take back' the offer, in a sense, if it was ever really an offer in the first place. As a manager of a group that travels frequently with employees from other support roles in different locations, iIn some of the cases that have progressed to the point that I had to take disciplinary action, it often seemed to start with some blantant suggestive offer that the person claimed to be a joke ... until it wasn't anymore.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## lovelygirl

sandc said:


> My wife is the coolest woman I know. I love her and her boobs - ONLY. I don't think she could believe something like that actually happened. "Are you sure? Are you sure it was her boob?" etc. "Yes, I'm sure. Honey, I know what boobs are, it was her boob. Too squishy to be anything else." She wanted to know what my reaction was, I told her. Then she said she hoped I'd be staying away from that woman. Her way of saying "don't you dare go near her again." Yup. Roger that.


lol

I have to add, you sandc, are a flirt! Although a harmless flirt.


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## Entropy3000

lovelygirl said:


> I thought you were married hence I complimented you on resisting.
> 
> If you were single, it doesn't matter what you did at that point. lol


I mixed the time periods. The room key stuff has been since I was married. The other stuff was when I was single. A woman now would not be allowed to rub my thigh ... LOL.


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## Ikaika

sandc said:


> Let me ask you Lovelygirl, does this count as hitting on me? We were having a computer virus outbreak at work. I was going through everyone's machines to make sure we did not have any residual viruses on them. When I got to one particular woman's machine (we have talked a lot in the past) she moved behind me so I could check her computer. She then became very interested in what I was looking and and leaned in to look at the monitor. She pressed her breast very hard against my shoulder. When I turned to look at her she just looked back and me and didn't move. I told her her computer was clean and excused myself and also told my wife what happened.
> 
> What do you think? Hitting on my or she just isn't aware of where her breasts are?


If pressed my penis against a female co-worker, I don't think this would be considered hitting on her, I suspect I would be out of a job for sexual harassment. 

Not so sure this is hitting on you or teasing you (blurry lines between those two are difficult to figure out - human mind is too complex for me) SandC. I personally would have found this creepy. I guess I am just too blunt, "I would have told her to give me some personal space".


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## gbrad

Entropy3000 said:


> See that is just it. Even when I was single I was so naive I guess that it took that. Where other guys would take the hint. maybe the fact I was so cool about it all and not agressive came off better. Idunno


It is not that I am naive. It is the fact that I have a fear that I could be wrong and what would possibly happen as a result.


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## lovelygirl

drerio said:


> If pressed my penis against a female co-worker, I don't think this would be considered hitting on her, I suspect I would be out of a job for sexual harassment.
> 
> Not so sure this is hitting on you or teasing you (blurry lines between those two are difficult to figure out - human mind is too complex for me) SandC. I personally would have found this creepy. I guess I am just too blunt, "I would have told her to give me some personal space".


Yeah, I mean how does the have the courage to lean on him while pressing her breasts against his body!

Isn't there some ethical distance between coworkers? 
What are these women thinking?


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## Anubis

AFEH said:


> Anubis, sorry to hear about that with your wife. I’ve been amazed at the “truth” I’ve discovered since we separated.
> 
> I’ve a mate who after his divorce starting dating. He had one woman around his home for a first date. He said he was sat opposite her and she got down on her hands and knees, went across the room to give him a bj. I guess there’s nobody going to mistake that hit on lol.


AFEH,
Thanks. This just motivated me to make that post I've been meaning to over in the Private Member's section.

And yes, I've had a couple recently single male friends on the receiving end of events like the one you just described, and all of us had the same reaction when comparing notes ... "What the heck happened in the ~20 years while we were married / since we were young lads ???". :scratchhead: ... but we're not complaining mind you... :lol:


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## Ikaika

And, yet this weekend went to a party for my nephew. I greet all the females (related and non-related) with a warm hug and quick kiss on the lips (some would call a peck). My wife greets all the males the same way. I wonder how many TAM people would consider this hitting on me and my wife. I call it culture.


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## gbrad

drerio said:


> And, yet this weekend went to a party for my nephew. I greet all the females (related and non-related) with a warm hug and quick kiss on the lips (some would call a peck). My wife greets all the males the same way. I wonder how many TAM people would consider this hitting on me and my wife. I call it culture.


I can say I have never greated anyone this way, but it would sure be damn nice. Sweet little turn on, if they are hot that is.


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## Ikaika

gbrad said:


> I can say I have never greated anyone this way, but it would sure be damn nice. Sweet little turn on, if they are hot that is.


You have to be ready to do the same for the old ladies as well as the young ones. What you call a turn on I just call the way I grew up... We Hawaiians are very affectionate.

We have a implied notion in Hawaii... it is Ok to give Aloha, not so Ok to spread your Aloha. I am assuming you know the difference.


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## SimplyAmorous

AFEH said:


> I think there are many opportunities to cheat, but for me the blame is always 100% on the cheating spouse if they do. Do you remember that battle royal here and in CWI about it? One of the MCs was saying the faithful spouse was part to blame yet I was having none of it. Most agreed with me, it was quite a turning point.


 I can't say I remember this story, I rarely go into that section. Though I very much sympathize with someone who feels like they are thirsting in the desert after a long long period of frustration due to a near sexless passion-less cold frigid uncaring prudish low driving rejecting spouse... Sorry AFEH just being honest... I'd blow a Freaking gasket in that situation you know. 

But don't misunderstand me....

I don't sympathize with LYING, or cheating (despise them immensely).....but I DO sympathize with the hurtful demeaning suffering emotions that lead to such temptation of needing to be touched & filled in this way, craving the emotional/affectionate connection with another ~ along with someone who desires them.

These spouses are much better off to cause a FIGHT, even a brawl over the lack of emotional/sexual fulfillment, even bringing divorce papers home before going behind their spouses backs though. I can't stomach hiding / lying / secrets of any sort.... 

Angry emotions / brutal honesty I can handle....so we can work it out or climb a mountain to fix it ...that's fair.... Noone gets betrayed ~integrity is still there... There is a level of *respect* in that...even if it's a little hard to swallow. 



> But have you never instinctively or impulsively, unknowingly given off courtship signals to another man beside your husband? These primal attractions happen at the subconscious level and work their way up and into our consciousness such that we become aware of them.


 If you are asking if I find other men attractive...of course...that's natural. Do I yearn for another... NO. Do I do this thing you talk about...


> "pushing her hair back exposing her ear and neck and that she’s flushing and licking her lips because she’s got the hots for him. It all happens in just a few seconds".


I'd say I do enough salivating at home, nothing left for out & about. 

Ok... just asked the husband, 1st I want to say, he agrees with you... He says women DO those things... the flip of the hair, exposing the neck line, he's seen it. I asked him if he's ever seen ME act like this towards another... he said NO, he's never seen me do this... 

Now he knows I had a crush on 2 of his friends in our past.. (Maybe crush is the wrong word, I just found them good looking).... they never knew....

Looking at them today (they were cousins)...one is out of work, borderline alcoholic, beer belly & missing teeth.. Happy I didn't end up with him! Back then though.....mmmm mmmm hotties. 

And in school, I only seemed to like the untouchables, I admired from afar ... I am a weird one AFEH. What can I say.


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## RandomDude

> I think there are many opportunities to cheat, but for me the blame is always 100% on the cheating spouse if they do. Do you remember that battle royal here and in CWI about it? One of the MCs was saying the faithful spouse was part to blame yet I was having none of it. Most agreed with me, it was quite a turning point.


I agree that the blame and responsibility should be 100% on the cheating spouse. Any less would mean the cheating spouse would get the impression that "oh hey, I'm actually justified in some ways", and that doesn't lead to true repentance or change at all.

However, the cheated on spouse would be a fool to discredit his/her own contribution to the mess, but he/she shouldn't let his cheating spouse know of this, it's something he/she should work on by themselves.


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## gbrad

RandomDude said:


> I agree that the blame and responsibility should be 100% on the cheating spouse. Any less would mean the cheating spouse would get the impression that "oh hey, I'm actually justified in some ways", and that doesn't lead to true repentance or change at all.
> 
> However, the cheated on spouse would be a fool to discredit his/her own contribution to the mess, but he/she shouldn't let his cheating spouse know of this, it's something he/she should work on by themselves.


2 people people a marriage. 2 people wreck one. yes, one person cheats, but there are usually reasons for it. It is not a straight line from one to the next, it is a game of connect the dots which has a result that is not good for either. 
To say that the cheated on spouse should share the contribution they had and they need to keep that to themselves and work on it, that wont help honesty in the marriage at all.


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## RandomDude

Yes but the danger of sharing contribution with your spouse has the possibility of encouraging the thought as I mentioned; "oh hey, I'm actually justified in some ways". If my wife/gf at the time of the cheat accepted even partial responsibility of it - it would not have encouraged me to take the steps necessary to change.


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## gbrad

RandomDude said:


> Yes but the danger of sharing contribution with your spouse has the possibility of encouraging the thought as I mentioned; "oh hey, I'm actually justified in some ways". If my wife/gf at the time of the cheat accepted even partial responsibility of it - it would not have encouraged me to take the steps necessary to change.


I get that, but obviously both people need to change something. They either need to do it together or go their separate ways.


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## RandomDude

That is true too I guess, the issue that led me to cheat in the first place was not resolved on her part due to her refusal to accept responsibility for it. That bit us in the a$$ 3 years later (2 years ago) as the same religious BS came up. However, this time, I did not cheat, I seperated. 

Now we're seperated again, but at least it's not about religious BS anymore - not really anyways. Hell this topic is mindbogging >.<


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## gbrad

RandomDude said:


> That is true too I guess, the issue that led me to cheat in the first place was not resolved on her part due to her refusal to accept responsibility for it. That bit us in the a$$ 3 years later (2 years ago) as the same religious BS came up. However, this time, I did not cheat, I seperated.
> 
> Now we're seperated again, but at least it's not about religious BS anymore - not really anyways. Hell this topic is mindbogging >.<


Religion is definetly something I think 2 people need to be on the same page about to make a life together work.


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## RandomDude

Yeah, that issue is resolving itself for now, we have err... bigger problems now though lol

And I think we're threadjacking >.<


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## sandc

Entropy3000 said:


> Yes the breasts that have no feeling. LOL. I have experienced that as well.
> 
> You ask yourself. Does she know she is pushing her breast rather firmly against my shoulder. Are they soooo big that she cannot help it.
> 
> FWIW I love when my wife does that to me.
> 
> Or the casual sweep of the hand over the traps / shoulders and or arms. I have felt the surprise in that when they realize, oh my that is muscle under there and it lingers and last just a little longer than it should. You can then see the surprise. They act like they just copped a feel.


These particular breasts had no bra either!


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## sandc

lovelygirl said:


> Yeah, I mean how does the have the courage to lean on him while pressing her breasts against his body!
> 
> Isn't there some ethical distance between coworkers?
> What are these women thinking?


No ethical bra either.


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## AFEH

drerio said:


> And, yet this weekend went to a party for my nephew. I greet all the females (related and non-related) with a warm hug and quick kiss on the lips (some would call a peck). My wife greets all the males the same way. I wonder how many TAM people would consider this hitting on me and my wife. I call it culture.


Being English and from the South my personal space is about a metre. Greet someone? It’s either a hug with mother or a handshake, took me a long time to hug my sons.

Here in Portugal it’s totally different. Personal space, it doesn’t seem to exist. There’s the “space dance” where during a conversation a Portuguese person moves in and the English person moves away, they dance around a room that way. Then there’s the cheek to cheek with more or less total strangers, women mind it’s not like France here. I’m touchy feely so I quite like it but it took me a while to get accustomed to it all.

So for sure if every woman who touches my cheeks with hers or offers her self up for a peck on the cheeks was hitting on me I’d be well in. But rather stupid to take it that way.

Lips to lips though, totally different matter to me as I consider that extremely intimate and reserved for the woman I'm in a relationship with.


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## AFEH

SimplyAmorous said:


> I can't say I remember this story, I rarely go into that section. Though I very much sympathize with someone who feels like they are thirsting in the desert after a long long period of frustration due to a near sexless passion-less cold frigid uncaring prudish low driving rejecting spouse... Sorry AFEH just being honest... I'd blow a Freaking gasket in that situation you know.


Their fault for staying in the marriage! Staying and at the same time cheating is cake eating. They take what they want out of their husband or wife and what else they want they take from somebody else! A massive betrayal.


It's all about personal responsibility. I know you know that. If the betrayer is in such a marriage then that's there fault. They are personally responsible for it and every such thing in their life.


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## Entropy3000

drerio said:


> And, yet this weekend went to a party for my nephew. I greet all the females (related and non-related) with a warm hug and quick kiss on the lips (some would call a peck). My wife greets all the males the same way. I wonder how many TAM people would consider this hitting on me and my wife. I call it culture.


You can call anything culture. Any interaction between human beings can be defined by culture. Not critisizing. This goes back to Sociology 101. Society by agreement. Culture. Just sayin.

Not challenging this culture per se but if you are doing the greeting and you initiate the kiss then you are not the one being hit on. You would be the hitter not the hitee. But what is inferred is that this is within your group of friends is a standard protocol.

Not all hugs are created equal. I am a hugger. The hug varies greatly depending on who I am greeting. 

Why do you not kiss the men on the lips? 

I have not kissed a man on the lips since I got out of the Navy.

Foot Massage -- Offensive Language

But I get that you are in Hawaii and would understand the cultrue reference here. Do you do the HAKA at the beginning of the evening?


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## ATC529R

women...hit on me? LOL

last time (few months back) I was having drinks with an old friend in town. .....both married.....even to the extent the bartender could tell and said oh, it's guys night... I guess the two women sitting @ the bar next to us who kept popping into subject is what I would call being hit on. 

Nowadays though it would be more like a seen from the movie HALL PASS.


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## Entropy3000

sandc said:


> Maybe they use them like curb feelers on a car?


Especially when it is cold.


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## sandc

Entropy3000 said:


> I have not kissed a man on the lips since I got out of the Navy.


Submariner? 

200 men go down, 100 couples come back up.


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## sandc

Entropy3000 said:


> Especially when it is cold.


Umm... Girl from the finance department, I HOPE that's a pencil eraser you're pushing into my shoulder.


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## Entropy3000

sandc said:


> No ethical bra either.


Not sure how this is covered in the company handbook. Oh yeah braless is not an option as I recall.


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## Thundarr

I often did not know when women were hitting on me. Sometimes they seemed friendly and sometimes not. Often that was not a predicter of my success upon advance. I didn't mind getting shot down so it wasn't a large problem.

Now I'm married and I don't make advances, I don't know when a woman is being nice versus flirty. I'm just nice back. Well on occasion it's obvious but those types are often just teases anyway.


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## Ikaika

Entropy3000 said:


> You can call anything culture. Any interaction between human beings can be defined by culture. Not critisizing. This goes back to Sociology 101. Society by agreement. Culture. Just sayin.
> 
> Not challenging this culture per se but if you are doing the greeting and you initiate the kiss then you are not the one being hit on. You would be the hitter not the hitee. But what is inferred is that this is within your group of friends is a standard protocol.
> 
> Not all hugs are created equal. I am a hugger. The hug varies greatly depending on who I am greeting.
> 
> Why do you not kiss the men on the lips?
> 
> I have not kissed a man on the lips since I got out of the Navy.
> 
> Foot Massage -- Offensive Language


Hawaiian culture - very affectionate and secure in our sexuality. So only opposite sex kiss on the lips.


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## sandc

Entropy3000 said:


> Not sure how this is covered in the company handbook. Oh yeah braless is not an option as I recall.


That's the thing, if I had felt a bra against the back of my shoulder I wouldn't really have thought much of it. But the fact that I didn't, and it was an obvious smush against me. 

And actually, yes, I did mention this to HR. I have a really good relationship with them because I do investigations for them all the time. They made note of the "boob thing" as the HR director called it, just in case something bad started to happen later.

So, I guess when women hit on me, I report them to HR. Nice.


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## sandc

drerio said:


> Hawaiian culture - very affectionate and secure in our sexuality. So only opposite sex kiss on the lips.


Where were all these kissy Hawaiians when I went to Maui? :scratchhead:


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## Ikaika

sandc said:


> Where were all these kissy Hawaiians when I went to Maui? :scratchhead:


At my family and friends parties.


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## sandc

I picked the wrong island to visit. Oh well.


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## Entropy3000

sandc said:


> Submariner?
> 
> 200 men go down, 100 couples come back up.


Originally I was to be a Nuke and do the Sub stuff. But I switched to Aviation. Glad I did. I am weird enough as it is.

They used to joke about the different "shops" having dances on Tuesdays. 

I was on two Carriers :

FDR -- we called it the African Queen

Nimitz -- Quarter Mile Island

So just t be clear I did not kiss any men either. LOL.


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## Anubis

How could this thread have made it this far and not made mention of this classic?

 "Sexual Harassment and You (SNL Skit)"

:scratchhead:


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## Entropy3000

drerio said:


> Hawaiian culture - *very affectionate and secure in our sexuality.* So only opposite sex kiss on the lips.


So it IS sexual then.

Just joking around with you ... mostly.


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## Ikaika

Entropy3000 said:


> So it IS sexual then.


I don't know if I would explain it that way... I grew up just being affectionate with everyone (but my parents, who were polar opposites of all the other relatives). I don't think much of it... but you have to remember you can't just greet the pretty girls that way, it also the grandma's... in fact out of respect you always greet the grandmas first and with more affection. It is no doubt different from the standard American culture.


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## Entropy3000

drerio said:


> I don't know if I would explain it that way... I grew up just being affectionate with everyone (but my parents, who were polar opposites of all the other relatives). I don't think much of it... but you have to remember you can't just greet the pretty girls that way, it also the grandma's... in fact out of respect you always greet the grandmas first and with more affection. It is no doubt different from the standard American culture.


As I edited my comment I am "mostly" joking with you. But it is a greeting between opposite sex people. It does not have to be SEXUAL. I get that.

Perhaps it is that you have a manly greeting with the men.

While I will hug some men, I more often handshake. I will handshake with a woman I do not know well enough to hug. A colleague. It very much depends. I might hug a dear friends wife if I have not met her before.

Ok so we are off on a tangent ...

Basically though yeah, one tries not to come off as overly flirty.


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## Ikaika

Entropy3000 said:


> As I edited my comment I am "mostly" joking with you. But it is a greeting between opposite sex people. It does not have to be SEXUAL. I get that.
> 
> Perhaps it is that you have a manly greeting with the men.


Oh I know, I am just commenting for the general audience in case anyone misinterprets.


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## sandc

Entropy3000 said:


> I was on two Carriers :
> 
> FDR -- we called it the African Queen
> 
> Nimitz -- Quarter Mile Island
> 
> So just t be clear I did not kiss any men either. LOL.


Cool. My dad was on the Roosevelt (Korean war vintage)
the Independence (early Viet Nam war vintiage)
and The Lexington (just a few years before she was decom'd)

He was a sonar officer. He never kissed a man in the Navy either to my knowledge. He did have to do some weird things as part of an initiation when he made Lieutenant though.

I tried to join the Navy but he shangaied me and signed me up for a civilian electronics school. After 35 years in he said it wasn't the same Navy he joined. What is the same after 35 years?


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## Entropy3000

sandc said:


> Cool. My dad was on the Roosevelt (Korean war vintage)
> 
> Yes this was the FDR. After my cruise I think it made one more cruise and was turned into razoe blades. So I was on the same ship as your dad.
> 
> the Independence (early Viet Nam war vintiage)
> and The Lexington (just a few years before she was decom'd)
> 
> He was a sonar officer. He never kissed a man in the Navy either to my knowledge. He did have to do some weird things as part of an initiation when he made Lieutenant though.
> 
> I tried to join the Navy but he shangaied me and signed me up for a civilian electronics school. After 35 years in he said it wasn't the same Navy he joined. What is the same after 35 years?


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## Entropy3000

Anubis said:


> How could this thread have made it this far and not made mention of this classic?
> 
> "Sexual Harassment and You (SNL Skit)"
> 
> :scratchhead:


Hilarious. Real life situation. Oh early 90s. Sitting in a cube, I and another guy in the cube next to me over hear a guy replacing light bulbs saying some things to a young woman two cubes away. I can just remember it was inappropriate. He evidently had a good view from ceiling level. Who knows if she helped his view ...

So this other guy goes over there and in all sincerity asked her if that guy was being inappropriate. As I am walking up, she says no he was cute. So my co-worker was puzzled and says but that was not appropriate. She said it was if the guy was not cute. She said if he was not cute she would have reported him to HR. She was 24 ish in age.


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## Runs like Dog

I have probably never been hit on as an adult.


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## Entropy3000

Runs like Dog said:


> I have probably never been hit on as an adult.


You need to get out more.

Then again ... so do I.


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## Orca-gal

I agree, it happens to both. And you are so right to think that other men have hit on your wife. I am married and other men have hit on me. Just smile and forget about it, not worthy even mentioning to husband


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