# Are women less forgiving than men for cheating?



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

A HuffingtonPost/YouGov poll taken last November of 1,000 U.S. adults in a sample chosen to match the demographics of the U.S. population found women more likely to file for divorce than men. 

Thirty-two percent of women surveyed said they would file for divorce "no matter what" if they discovered that their spouse was cheating, while only 23 percent of men said they would do the same. Fourteen percent of men said they would definitely give their partner another chance if they were unfaithful, but only 9 percent of women said the same.

According to the HuffPost/YouGov poll if only 23% of men would definitely divorce and 14 % would give their wife another chance, that means 63% aren't sure whether they'd divorce or give another chance.

On the other hand, many more women would divorce and fewer would give a second chance.

What would you do if you discovered your spouse was cheating? Are women really less likely to forgive?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Maybe should have done a TAM poll yourself.

It would be auto divorce here. I don't put up with that shyt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## no-more-lies (Jul 11, 2015)

I didn't read the article, but from what you said, they were polled on what they WOULD do. People talk a good talk about what they would do in a given situation, but that is often not the case. 

In my experience, women frequently stay with cheaters. Sometimes it's a self esteem issue, other times because they have kids they need to raise and can't afford it on their own. I stayed with my ex until my daughter started school. Then I let him back in my life a year later. I eventually gave up. 

As for men, I don't know. As much as they like to say they like playing the field, many seem to be lost if they don't have a partner. I'm really not trying to be sexist here, it's just what I've seen.

So over all, I'd say there's a lot of cheating going on with not a lot of divorce happening after the first event. Maybe somewhere down the road if it continues. I'm sure a lot of divorce for other reasons.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

no-more-lies said:


> I didn't read the article, but from what you said, they were polled on what they WOULD do. People talk a good talk about what they would do in a given situation, but that is often not the case.


Good point. I believe the poll was about what people Would do. What one says hypothetically and what one does when the real thing happens are often two different things. 

Look at the number of threads on this forum by people asking for advice what to do when they've discovered a spouse is cheating.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I don't think the women that stay actually forgive. They stay for other reasons: financial, religious, worrying about what other people think, the kids. I also agree with no-more-lies that it also can be a self esteem issue. Fortunately, none of these reasons would hold me back.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Maneo said:


> A HuffingtonPost/YouGov poll taken last November of 1,000 U.S. adults in a sample chosen to match the demographics of the U.S. population found women more likely to file for divorce than men.
> 
> Thirty-two percent of women surveyed said they would file for divorce "no matter what" if they discovered that their spouse was cheating, while only 23 percent of men said they would do the same. Fourteen percent of men said they would definitely give their partner another chance if they were unfaithful, but only 9 percent of women said the same.
> 
> ...


The fun of guess and conjecture is until it truly happens to you you have no idea how a person will react. We all think we know. Let's hope those people never have to find out for real.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Women file for divorce or otherwise end the relationship about 80% of the time.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

If my wife cheated I would be knocking on the divorce lawyers door within seconds. You want to bring a disease home to me, insult our marriage, etc.... get the **** out of my life >

If I ever cheated on someone I would not go back to them, simply b/c my actions do not deserve a second chance (regardless of whether or not they were willing to give me).

I feel the same way if someone steals my oreos :gun:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

soccermom2three said:


> I don't think the women that stay actually forgive. They stay for other reasons: financial, religious, worrying about what other people think, the kids. I also agree with no-more-lies that it also can be a self esteem issue. Fortunately, none of these reasons would hold me back.


I agree and until there is a real study conducted on couples who divorced and stayed together after a spouse's infidelity, and how the betrayed spouse's behavior had changed towards the cheating spouse, it is all subject to inconclusive speculation.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

no-more-lies said:


> I didn't read the article, but from what you said, they were polled on what they WOULD do. People talk a good talk about what they would do in a given situation, but that is often not the case.
> 
> So over all, I'd say there's a lot of cheating going on with not a lot of divorce happening after the first event. Maybe somewhere down the road if it continues. I'm sure a lot of divorce for other reasons.


I agree with you. I don't know if I'd say that a "lot" of cheating is going on. That's really hard to quantify. I'd say that there is some cheating going on, perhaps even a fair amount, but a lot suggests the majority and I don't think that's true.

Conversely, I'd say that a fair amount of marriages, perhaps even a lot of them, don't experience infidelity at all. They may, however, divorce for other reasons.

One other thing I'll add is that many, if not most, cheating is likely never discovered. When I was in college, I first heard about the 50 mile rule then I heard it again when I got into my profession. I was in high technology sales and covered a big territory. The 50 mile rule suggests that you never dip your wick, so to speak, within 50 miles of where you live or with anyone you work with. Obviously, in this way you are most likely never to be found out.

I don't know how many people actually engaged in such behavior but suffice it to say, I'm sure it happened.

To your first point, I think it might be safe to say that many people might flirt with the idea of infidelity or even seriously fantasize about it but then would never actually cross the line when an opportunity arose. The same is true of those who have been cheated on I'd guess. Many would perhaps do something other than what they'd initially tell you they'd do. I think that goes for both men and women.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

one possibility is that some people may not see a relationship as inappropriate or worse as an EA. While others do see it as cheating.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

NTA is right about howEA's impact the numbers.

Women file D 70-75 % of the time. Men are far less likely to R if there is a PA.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* Deception~Deception~Deception!

Regardless of the fact of whether it's an EA or a PA, I would think that the male psyche is more bothered, and ultimately damaged over the "covert betrayal" factor, more than anything else.

And as a betrayed male, I too would join the vast majority of my brethren in heading right on over to the barristers office to get the divorce filings started!

It's only inherent!

Let's just say that IMHO, loyally married family men are far less tolerant of their wives fooling around on them than the other way around!

Sorry, but no real statistics to back that up with, other than my jaded intuition!*


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

I'm answering the questions as I didn't read the article. Are women less likely to forgive an affair. I don't think either gender will forgive or divorce more then the other. Each person is different along with each situation. Some may be better off to divorce and some may be better off to reconcile. It depends on the two people involved, their beliefs, and the relationship they had or have. 

Would I reconcile with someone who cheated on me? Prior to my WW cheating on me it was a deal breaker. However, that was what I said when that question was hypothetical. After it happened my first thought was divorce, kick her out of the house, and to completely ruin her. Then I wanted to cause harm to the OM, hung him down and slowly torture him. But these were my thoughts as I found out. Fortunately, I thought through these thoughts and made better rational decisions for myself. 

I offered reconciliation to my wife and so far we are making it through. We've had good days and bad, worked hard at our relationship, and more days then not I think we will make it. Reconciliation isn't easy, I was lost for a long time, all my beliefs had been shattered. I've had to rebuild myself through IC as I see now the many problems I had as a person. I also see how fallible my WW is now that the rose colored glasses have been removed. 

I have improved myself, this was most important to me. I needed to make changes for me, become the best me I could possibly be. My WW has done the same for herself, as she had many flaws also. She is working on becoming the best her possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Woman here, I didn't forgive and I filed. It was not immediate because I got the usual trickle truth version of it was "only" an EA which I had a hard enough time with but didn't feel like the marriage was beyond repair until the PA was uncovered. 

Perhaps that delay in getting to the truth of the full extent of the betrayal changes the outcome in some cases. I had always thought if I was ever cheated on it was an automatic divorce. Having gone through it now, the choice was not so easily made. My Ex wanted to R, and I did consider it but in the end knew I would never forgive or forget. We are now divorced and he still hopes to R.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

As I've said ad-nauseam, a spouse can choose to forgive and still divorce her/his cheating spouse. Forgiveness and Reconciliation are two different animals.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

morituri said:


> As I've said ad-nauseam, a spouse can choose to forgive and still divorce her/his cheating spouse. Forgiveness and Reconciliation are two different animals.


Indeed!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

kristin2349 said:


> Woman here, I didn't forgive and I filed. It was not immediate because I got the usual trickle truth version of it was "only" an EA which I had a hard enough time with but didn't feel like the marriage was beyond repair until the PA was uncovered.
> 
> Perhaps that delay in getting to the truth of the full extent of the betrayal changes the outcome in some cases. I had always thought if I was ever cheated on it was an automatic divorce. Having gone through it now, the choice was not so easily made. My Ex wanted to R, and I did consider it but in the end knew I would never forgive or forget. We are now divorced and _he still hopes to R._


LOL... he still involved w/ his little office skank?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> LOL... he still involved w/ his little office skank?


No Gus, Can you believe it's over? Hmm, she did manage to get a promotion out of it, the tramp was well on her way to being fired and my Ex came in and saved her job. She was getting fired by one manager because of her sleeping around and just picked higher rank (he is a VP and COO). How can such a seemingly smart man be so stupid? He was actually "hurt" when I had the nerve to imply she was after him for more than his sparkling wit and personality.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think questions like this have to be carefully constructed and there have to be honest caveats re whatever data is gathered.

I could say, for example, that based on the sample of people who post on the two marriage boards that I read on, a majority of posters facing infidelity have an initial reaction of wanting to hold the marriage together. Of this majority, betrayed men are decidedly more likely to blame themselves and say that they think they will be able to forgive. For their part, betrayed women are much more threatened by the issue of security. Also within this majority, many posters note that they thought it would be a deal breaker, but find to their surprise that they want to try R.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

That makes sense. Women are programmed to get in, get got and get out. Even if they're the one's doing the cheating. The odds are stacked in her favor she'd garner the approval of her peers if she divorces far more than men who even view each other as losers when they do. So there's less stigma for women to divorce and trot out her outrage, real or faked as emblem of empowerment. A man who loses his woman is a loser. A woman who loses her man, lost an encumbrance.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

My time on this site and browsing thru others like it have me convinced that most women have more self-respect for themselves than most men do, at least when it comes to relationships.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

"Would divorce" and "did divorce" are different things, the latter being the more important one. This study didn't look at the stats, just the opinions.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

I would divorce, I wouldn't be able to stay with her after a PA.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Forgiveness is going to nearly impossible to measure or quantify. Obviously you can Reconcile after infidelity, and that could be loosely followed or studied.

Forgiveness? (in this context) Too subject to lies, manipulation of definition, etc. I think only a small minority of women really forgive, and an even smaller yet minority of men.

Maybe a grudging absolution is more accurate.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Ripper said:


> My time on this site and browsing thru others like it have me convinced that most women have more self-respect for themselves than most men do, at least when it comes to relationships.




I'm not so sure about this, and I'll tell you why. Eddie Murphy said it best in his comedy routine about Johnny Carson. His ex wife reportedly got nine thousand a month for her cat! Now this is the extreme side. I make nowhere near Johnny Carson's salary, but the implication is the same. Men pay far more in divorce then women. There are times this isn't true but the majority has men paying dearly. So is it self respect or do they know they will know they will get custody of the kids, child support, and possibly alimony. Knowing the courts mostly side with women, how anxious would you be for a divorce. Imagine polling these same people telling them the courts now support the men and the women get what the men got? How would that poll change? 

I'm not saying one is right or wrong, and please don't break out the two X fours over this. But would women really divorce if they knew the courts sided with men? What about custody and child support? What about alimony? If the courts were more fair in divorce and grant men more I'm sure you would see less divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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