# well just when u think you can start the trust process again



## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

I posted as Betrayed2012 before I got banned for some reason, although i dont know what that was.......anyways maybe look me up and read that post on how my WS screwed me over.....

I also posted under betrayed2013 about my WS keeping a lock on her phone and really never leaving it out ever......

so onto now. I check her email periodically as thats the only pw i have of hers. She rarely uses it and prefers to text and fb instead. I logged on sunday and discovered an email failure. That was her downfall. I clicked it and it was to an email addy without a name.....so she obviously deleted the original one sent and wasnt expecting the outcome of this.

I decided to recover her deleted items and she sent a pic of her from our vacation we just got back from last week. Her in a bikini. Under the pic it said "for the love of god this better work"...telling me that she was unsuccessfully trying to send pics while my son and I played in the other room. By her deleting it, it told me right away it was a dude and she didnt want me to find out. Originally I decided to wait and see if more emails would be sent, but then I changed my mind. You see, she left files of her mess ups on the desktop entitled "me". I thought this is something I could use to question her.

So last night, I said to her "what are these "me" files on the desktop? She went into denial mode right away, saying IDK why they are there? I said you must have named them "me". SHe said shes not the only one who uses the cpu and has no idea what they are. I then said it looks like ur sending pics to someone. SHe denied of course. 

Now keep in mind, this is a woman who was a great wife and partner for over 9 years and then totally changed and had an affair on me just over 9 months ago, which i found out about, 6 months ago, so Im still in recovery mode. My trust is about 50 50, clearly not 100, or I wouldnt check her email. anyways back to the story.

So I said to her, u need to start fessing up, I know more than u think. She said she doesnt know n e thing im talking about. I said there are deleted downloads on the cpu and they are all sexy bathing suit pics of u...whats goin on? She denied again...I said " so if we go on ur email accnt, there isnt going to be n e thing there?" She knew she was busted. She said how do i kno her password? I didnt answer that, just said its time to come clean.

So she sd shes been in contact with a guy that she use to know growing up and he wanted to see some pics of her and hes not on fb, where these pics are. I asked who it is and she stalled. finally gave me a name. I said who else u texting behind my back....she gave me another name from growing up and sd she hadnt tt him in over a month. started crying and saying "she never felt accepted growing up and she has low self esteem and wanted to kind of do the "look at me now" thing to them as she enjoyed their attention. 

I am a great husband and father, I deserve none of this. I am shocked just writing this. Its unreal. I give her loads of attention and clearly its not good enuf. So then I say to her " u need to text him right now and say that its over" She agreed and did so......she had his name as a girls name. The only problem was she said he was from up north and when clearing his contact info, the area code was from our city!

So I said I cant beleive u changed his name to a girl, and btw, I saw the number and thats not up north, thats our city....once again busted on another lie. This chick has some serious truth issues. SHe is now lying about her lies! UNreal.

So I said whats up? She then said she recently got an account for ****** *******. You know the webpage for married pe0ple seeking affairs.....I was like wtf? How the hell could u do that to me and the family? She said she never met up with the guy, doesnt know who he is and never planned to....it was all for attention adn thats it. I told her I dont beleive it obviously, or why would u be in contact with a guy that lives in ur city? Obviously u had other plans. 

She broke down crying, saying she doesnt know why she does all this stuff and she hates hurting me (obvioulsly not, since she keeps doing this stuff to me). She says she needs help (she had IC as well as seeing a physciatrist, but clearly none of that is helping....also on anti depress) 

she doesnt think that we'll get through this....i said to her u have said that 3 times now over the course of this year. 

I have to say that since a bit be4 xmas, she was seemingly getting back to the wife I fell in love with.....I was on guard tho, just in case. I let her have it with my words, saying u are sabatoging this marriage on purpose becuz u feel u dont deserve it, due to ur tough childhood trauma. Why screw something up that was working so well for so long? 

I then said everything u tell me seems like it could be a lie...I asked her again about if she had sex with the dude in my prior post. She was once again adament she didnt. If she did, why wouldnt she just tell me. She knows I'd leave and clearly the sabatoging she is doing is going to make me leave anyways, so Im totally confused as to what I am going to do.

Told her my trust in her just got set back a mile. I told her there is no way u love me if ur treating me like a piece of garbage. She sz she does and doesnt want to be alone. I told her "what am I a backup plan till something else comes along?" Its like she is a mental basketcase. I dont understand her. Lately she has been great. Just went on a vacation and we had a great time. She has been happy. Maybe cuz she was getting attn from other guys, that gets her off IDK......

Is there any way to trust her again? I mean how many more lies are there that I dont know about? I told her she used to be the perfect wife, now shes a horrible wife and a horrible person to do this to me. Told her, ever since u started hanging out with her friend of over a year ago, this relationship has slowly crumbled. The friend cheated on her husband, then my wife did the same. Her friend signed up for AM, then a year later my wife did too. They are complete morons and act like nobody matters but themselves....

Told her it seems to be all about her and how she looks....said theres more to life, like ur family, ur home, ur marriage and that is whats important, not how young u look (shes almost 37 btw and shes a looker, but so consumed in the last couple years on how fit she is and how she looks, its almost annoying) 

She basically states that the AM thing was just for kicks and she never met the guy and that she just wanted attention from someone other than her husband. Its a joke really. How does she expect one to trust her when she got busted with an affair, then now this??? She seriously needs to be tested. Its ridiculous. Idk why I havent left yet? I guess im afraid of being alone and starting over and battling with custody of kids and selling the house and I do love her, but after last night, its like I feel different now, like nothing is ever going to change and i'll never be able to trust her again.


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

now she just sent a text saying that I know everything I say u thing im lying but i am really sorry i hurt u and regardless of wat u think i do love u. i do not want to continue to do this anymore. i hat this girl i hav become. i know i have major issues to work out. do u think i should sty at my dads for a while til we figure sh*t out?

Idk wat to tell her.....we have 2 kids, a 15 yr old and a 6 yr old. the 15 year old is very troubled. constantly getting in trouble wtih the law and stays away for days at a time even tho he is on house arrest. what happens with the kids? I work 1am-9am. so I get punished and hav my 6 yr old taken away from me becuz she has to figure stuff out? Hows that fair? im at a loss as to wat to write back to her. idk wtd.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

She's full of crappola. She's either actively cheating on you with other men, and has been for a while or is ramping herself up for a hookup. 

Sounds like run of the mill MLC. Some gals like your wife hit it earlier than others. 

Kick her out, file for divorce. Make her face some consequences. You can always stop the divorce if she comes to her senses. Right now your dealing with a crazy person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

She's following the definition of trickle-truthing you... Only admitting to what you know. There's no way you can (or should) build trust while that's going on.

C


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Why don't you have all her passwords? If she wanted to help you get through this, why would she not willingly share those?

You post this horrible story about what a deceitful, cold, cruel, lying person your wife is, filled with one deceit and lie after another, with her on a cheater's website loooking for an affair, any affair, and you ask, is there any way you can trust her again? Sure, there's a way, but she would have to actually act in a way that is actually trustworthy. STARTING WITH OFFERING COMPLETE OPENNESS AND TRANSPARENCY with her passwords and letting you check up on her - actually being happy you're checking up on her because she knows she's done nothing wrong.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Are you going to be Betrayed2014??


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## TOMTEFAR (Feb 23, 2013)

If you want to R I would do this:

1. Demand all her PW.
2. Demand a detailed call/text log from her phone comp. And that she shows it to you every month.
3. No deleting any texts or phone log. You compare everything at the end of every month.
4. Full access to her comp. key logger.
5. STD check on you and her.
6. Tell her you want her to have a poly.

Get a VAR in her car, maby in your house.

Watch her reactions to theese demands. You can tell a lot about her from her reactions.

But if you where me I would not try to R. She has been busted 2 time + now and she has not changed. I don't think she is a good W/Partener for you. Focus on your self and move on.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Why do you not have complete transparency from her?

Why after catching her cheating before didn't you get all her passwords, and drop a key logger on the computer.

She's absolutely continued to seek out men for cheating, and she using her ability to do so secretly to do it. You only caught her because if a glitch.

Then you had another confrontation, and asked her to stop it please dear.

1. Stop putting trust where it is being abused.
2. Start setting boundaries
3. She must give you all of her passwords now. She cannot create any new accounts.
4. You log onto AM and all of the other accounts for cheating and change the passwords so she cannot log on. You then need to monitor these to see if she's still getting messages sent to them.
5. She gives up texting and a smart phone. She can have a basic cell phone that only makes calls and the bill and call log goes to you.
6. Put a VAR in her car already.

And... She must take a polygraph.

It's way past time for you to be strong and firm. She is either already cheating again or working at setting it up. AM is for or purpose only. 

Her hiding behind poor poor me, I need attention is pure BS that she is feeding you. She's not looking for emotional validation, she's looking for sex from other men.

If you keep trying to nice talk her out of cheating, you are going to keep getting the same failure you have been getting.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

To me, your second post is pretty telling and not in a good way. She offers to stay at her dad's house? Why? Maybe so she can continue her sh-t in "secret".

Here's the deal, she had an affair no matter how you look at it. Her saying she never had sex with anyone (doubtful) doesn't matter. She had an emotional affair by "getting her kicks" from this. And an affair is an affair no matter how you look at it.

She's snowballed you from the beginning and is now in the trickle truth phase. I know because I've been there. Whenever a wayward says the phrase, "Now you know everything", well that means they haven't told you everything. It's as simple as that. If she's gaslighted you to the point that she's still doing this sh-t behind your back, how can she claim you know everything?!

I think you need to text her and say, "Yeah, stay at your dad's house and I'll pack up all your stuff. You need to get a grip on yourself."

Detatch. Like now.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You must step up and provide clear cut leadership here.

Stop trying to get her consensus on being a good wife instead set the boundaries that are acceptable and the rules to live by.

Her going away from home serves no purpose other than to give her freedom to cheat.

Tell her to be home ASAP, and when she is home hand her a piece of paper and a pen and tell her to write down every account and password.

You also must install a key logger on you computer ASAP. Do not tell her you have done this

.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

I always thought my WH was a jacka$$ for not telling me he was sorry he hurt me. I wanted him to acknowledge it specifically. He would say he was sorry and that was it. 

After reading your post it just PMO that she has the nerve to say "I know everything I say u thing im lying but i am really sorry i hurt u and regardless of wat u think i do love u". If she really loved you why would she hurt you....repeatedly!!

I think you need to tell her to stay at her dads so YOU can figure stuff out because right now she is not portraying herself as a woman worthy of your love!!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Make her sit down with you and provide the AM loging info so you can read everything. 
BTW what in the hell did't you put a keylogger in the PC to begin with?

STD test asap.
Toxic friend is gone for good.
Written timeline of extra curricular activities, all of them. To back up with a poly later.
Complete transparence for now on, including whereabouts.
Instead of running away to parents she seelk help to fix the marriage if shewants.
You stop investing, mild detachment (tayloring 180), find your legal rights.

Drop the hammer. NOW.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

did you save the number? You should have asked to text from her phone(to the OM) to see if she was lying...

Check the phone records...

She just got better at hiding. She won't make this moistake again.

She is hell bent on cheating on you. Tell her father what is going on


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/52756-wife-cheated-after-10-yrs-together.html


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> To me, your second post is pretty telling and not in a good way. She offers to stay at her dad's house? Why? Maybe so she can continue her sh-t in "secret".
> 
> 
> Detatch. Like now.


That was my first thought.

How does it go? Ignore the Wh*re.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/52756-wife-cheated-after-10-yrs-together.html


Good research. Sounds like she's relapsed. Another cheating dopamine addict.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OP, I know you don't want to see your family ripped apart, but at some point you need to call it. IMHO, this marriage flatlined. She is clearly not doing what needs to be done, she's repeatedly failing to restore trust that she lost, she's still at it - at least EA wise. Do you want to continue to throw more money down a rat hole? Recognize the sunk costs you have. They're not recoverable. No use trying to invest more energy. Detach, file for divorce and show her that this **** stops NOW. If you're lucky, she has a "come to Jesus" moment and stops. Otherwise, you get out of what is clearly a bad situation. 

I think you're succumbing to the POP...


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

yep i'd send her off to her dad's house and pretty much cut all contact that isnt absolutely necessary. kids, etc.
then i sure wouldnt sit around waiting for her to make up her mind.

my wife offered to go to her moms during our ordeal and i caved...i regret it, that would have likely put a stop to everything once she saw the REAL outcome.
so my opinion?
DO IT.


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

Why were you banned? Most likely a) you're male b) you said the truth but managed to piss off another female.

I had a thread over on the Women's forum and was banned for a week. I never attacked anyone, but from a woman's "perspective" one thought that I did. And we know how wonderfully rational that women's perspectives are when guided by their emotions....


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I’m sorry... Listen, you’ve tried the nice and understanding husband route and got burned. It’s time; Divorce or Dresden Fire Bomb route. R should not be on the table until long after you see serious changes. Btw; Change IS NOT just learning to follow your direction and role-playing “the good spouse”.... you should feel her desperation to keep you. It’s also much more than just recognizing the issues... it’s doing something about it.

I chose the Dresden for several reasons. If you haven’t heard it... The Dresden is fairly simple; Burn it down. You aren’t trying to save the relationship or her. It’s a harsher sentence in many ways than just divorce where she gets to walk and continue to play the victim. You are forcing her to hit bottom just to see what rises out of the ashes without your help.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Racer said:


> I’m sorry... Listen, you’ve tried the nice and understanding husband route and got burned. It’s time; Divorce or Dresden Fire Bomb route. R should not be on the table until long after you see serious changes. Btw; Change IS NOT just learning to follow your direction and role-playing “the good spouse”.... you should feel her desperation to keep you. It’s also much more than just recognizing the issues... it’s doing something about it.
> 
> I chose the Dresden for several reasons. If you haven’t heard it... The Dresden is fairly simple; Burn it down. You aren’t trying to save the relationship or her. It’s a harsher sentence in many ways than just divorce where she gets to walk and continue to play the victim. You are forcing her to hit bottom just to see what rises out of the ashes without your help.



Oh how i wish i had found this forum before i confronted my wife. Oh. How i wish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

She is deeply addicted to, at the very least, the high she gets from admiration of her body. That'all she has to offer, and is offering it often. Far and near. Since it's her body she's offering, you best believe there has been plenty of hook-ups. 

She has her toxic friend for support and as a cheerleader. You know the toxic friend knows all he tricks to gaslight you. It's two against one - and you're losing. And will continue to lose. The only hope you have is to unleash real consequences. 

Until then, and maybe not even then, you don't have a wife. I know you are fearful for your own future, but living in fear with a committed cheater is worse than living alone and loving your kids. 

Your teen needs a whole lot of guidance. Who should you focus your efforts on?


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

tx for all the advice. I have told just one person about this. A woman who was screwed over constantly from her husband in regards to the same kind of stuff. Its a bad situation right now. SInce i work thru the night at 1am-9am and she works in the day, someone has gotta watch the kids. So she told her parents last night wat is goin on. Dont worry Im close with them and will be checkin her story and will give them the real one today. She dropped off our little one, then went to the gym and when she came home, she said goodnight to the little one and went to her firends house till midnight, then came home and went to bed. Before she left i asked her what the plan is...she said idk, just going to her friends place and will be back before I go to work. She then asks "how was ur day" in a sad tone......I said it sucked. how the hell did u think it was? I sd "how would u feel if I was found out on am one night ago and that follows 6 months after an affair?" I then stated that was a f#[email protected]# stupid question to ask.....she then left. She texted me just before she was coming home and said "i just dont want to get into it...i already kno ive ruined the marriage, hurt u alot, u will never b able to trust me again bc of this. im so sorry i never meant for this to happen. i never wanted to hurt u but i did. i cant undo wat ive done. i really do think time apart will do us some good...i dont want to keep hurting u. i need to figure my s#it out.......i didnt bother responding. So at this point, im just goin to live my life and avoid her as she will do to me. I cant trust her again. I cant go on living in stealth mode. Its no way to live. I really do believe she has a serious mental illness that needs to be addressed. How do u go from a loving wife to one that decieves time and time again, but acts like everything is getting better on the outside.


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> She is deeply addicted to, at the very least, the high she gets from admiration of her body. That'all she has to offer, and is offering it often. Far and near. Since it's her body she's offering, you best believe there has been plenty of hook-ups.
> 
> She has her toxic friend for support and as a cheerleader. You know the toxic friend knows all he tricks to gaslight you. It's two against one - and you're losing. And will continue to lose. The only hope you have is to unleash real consequences.
> 
> ...



her body isnt that hot...i mean shes in shape i'll grant u that, but she isnt 22 anymore. Shes a good looking woman and never craved attn like she does now. Shes full of herself and i've told her that. She needs to focus on the marriage and her fmaily or she's goin to lose it all. She'll never have it as good as shes had it with me. She'll meet up with loser after loser and be treated like garbage, just like she was over and over with other dudes before me. I was a breath of fresh air and i guess its run its course with her. She prob. misses the chaos of her life before me in some sick way.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Somebody should really go after that website. I know, I know ... there would just be others but ... do you realize how MANY women are active members of that site? It boggles the mind.

Sorry, not a threadjack ... just saw that and had to have a little rant.


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## jameskimp (May 8, 2012)

You'd be an absolute fool to trust her again. Id even question the food she tells me she ate. I could never live the way you are living. 

Most cheaters don't change. They simply cover their tracks better.

Your marriage is broken now. Maybe it's time an end to your history with this serial liar instead of going through all the stress and anxiety and triggers.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

I think you should focus on getting your self-respect back. It's the only thing that you can control at this point because you sure cant control your wife. I didn't read your older thread but it seems that she hasn't really suffered any serious consequences from her affair.

I would text her back.. 'I've been doing alot of thinking and I don't think a separation will do us any good. I want a divorce. I'm done with this. You want to be single and see other men? You got your wish.'


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

betrayed2013 said:


> her body isnt that hot...i mean shes in shape i'll grant u that, but she isnt 22 anymore. Shes a good looking woman and never craved attn like she does now. Shes full of herself and i've told her that. She needs to focus on the marriage and her fmaily or she's goin to lose it all. She'll never have it as good as shes had it with me. She'll meet up with loser after loser and be treated like garbage, just like she was over and over with other dudes before me. I was a breath of fresh air and i guess its run its course with her. She prob. misses the chaos of her life before me in some sick way.


My God.

I am you and she is my stbxw!

Check out these two things 
borderline personality disorder ( be sitting) and my own thread from ten months ago
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/46264-headspinning.html
I expect wry smiles from you by the bucketload


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

Unfortunately your W is having a mid life crisis. She is in fear of losing her youth and now needs the attention from other males to build up her own self esteem. A pointless, losing battle but she will figure that out eventually. 

Just dont be a doormat. There is no way you can trust her. She has done too much damage.

Its difficult but be strong and do the 180. Start getting help for yourself and regain your confidence because its not your fault.


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

I think ive had enuf. I mean I cant trust her as far as I can throw her. I t/t mil this morn and she said that ws did admit to ****** ******* and confrontations and lies. She told mil that "she just cant be happy in the marriage". She tells me different tho......sz time apart will do us some good so she can figure herself out. Mil sz its seems at this point its too broken to fix and that I have to do wats right to get myself together. Shes right. I cant stay in stealth mode the rest of my life. I'll let a few days pass and then if im feeling like i am right now, i have to pull the plug on this sickness of a marriage. I am going to tell my parents as well. they know nothing of the previous affair but im sure they suspect something is goin on. They've been married 40 years and thats all i ever wanted. I was raised right....she was raised in very troubled circumstances. the two just dont mix. I just wish wehn i was younger i would have realized the effects that would have on a marriage. I didnt, I was in love and still am. But I cant let that sway my decision at this point. I need better in my life. My son needs better too. My parents will be a great support system for me as will my friends. I'll never forget waht she did to me. Shes taken years off my life with stress consuming me. She'll realize in time it was the biggest mistake of her life losing me, that im sure. she has said to me in the past that she'll never forgive herself the pain she has caused me,,,,but while she said that, she was texting other dudes and setting up a affair website account. that is unforgivable.


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

hibiscus said:


> Unfortunately your W is having a mid life crisis. She is in fear of losing her youth and now needs the attention from other males to build up her own self esteem. A pointless, losing battle but she will figure that out eventually.
> 
> Just dont be a doormat. There is no way you can trust her. She has done too much damage.
> 
> Its difficult but be strong and do the 180. Start getting help for yourself and regain your confidence because its not your fault.


I agree, and have told her months ago she is going thru a mlc.


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## Summer4744 (Oct 15, 2012)

She wants to mess around some more. Her telling you that she doesn't want to hurt you anymore and she is damaged goods and she only wants you to be happy is just so she can mess around some more with less of a guilty conscious.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

When a WS says they want time apart it means they want time to screw around with other people. She had an affair 9 months ago and put your health at risk for STD's. You then catch her now with the pictures. What are you fighting for? She knows that you will accept her constant cheating and clearly there seems to be no consequences to her actions. Why should she change if there are no consequences to her cheating on you?


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

betrayed2013 said:


> she has said to me in the past that she'll never forgive herself the pain she has caused me,,,,but while she said that, she was texting other dudes and setting up a affair website account. that is unforgivable.


Your W is too self absorbed to understand the destruction she is causing to her life.The attention she is wanting may be fullfilling her at the moment but it wont in the future. She will get bored of that too and then realize that all she wants is a life that has purpose and meaning. 

Then she will come crawling back to you... and it will be your turn to control the relationship.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Mid life crisis, or not, that behavior is unacceptable.

Your wife wishes to take time apart so she can "sow her wild oats" then come back to PLAN Z, AKA you and, settle down once again. 

"Sorry sweetheart, you should have done that before you got married, now you're acting like a child. As of right now, I, unlike YOU, know what I want, and right now I want D. You can have all the space you want, running away from the fight is not a solution, it confronts no problems, it realizes nothing new besides the fact that you're a free prosti****. You offend me, you think that I will sit here and tolerate your gas lighting, minimization, justification, and accept being a wittol. Simple admittance of the pain you caused me without reparation means nothing to me and, I will tolerate your actions no longer. "

"I love you but I can't keep fighting for you if you do not love/respect yourself enough to know that actions are of self hate and disregard for your husband."


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Man she's gone, you need to file. Take the steps, your heart will catch you later.
She's telling you she's bored in the marriage, what makes her alive is this bullsh1t.
Take adventage she's somehow feeling guilty to get the better settelment possible. Fuel the guilt, even.
Sit down with her, get the 50-50 custody, the huger amount of money you can. Tell her you are setting her free.

The Healing Heart: The 180
Just Let Them Go


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

*Re: Re: well just when u think you can start the trust process again*



Shaggy said:


> You must step up and provide clear cut leadership here.
> 
> Stop trying to get her consensus on being a good wife instead set the boundaries that are acceptable and the rules to live by.
> 
> ...


Shaggy, 

Are key loggers programs visible under programs or control panel, uninstall feature? 

B13,

Sorry for the threadjack


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

B2013,
File for divorce. But be prepared for a uptick in fake remorse. She doesn't want to be alone. The divorce paperwork will smack her in the face with reality. Doesn't mean she'll change, but she'll fight harder for her cake eating lifestyle.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

You need to file for divorce. And actually follow through on it. Sorry.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Jasel said:


> You need to file for divorce. And actually follow through on it. Sorry.


:iagree:


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

She's very selfish. I agree you should consider filing. People with emotional baggage tend to find a way to make you pay for the pain others have caused.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

File for D and full custody, otherwise what is going to happen is shell get the kids and house nod you'll be living in a crappy place paying her to cheat.

Instead go for it all. She wants to be single and able to sleep around, all the better if she leaves the house and kids and you. She can live with mom the nights she's not sleeping over a some losers place.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She is still lying about the ****** ******* thing. She knows it will get worse if she gets caught again in a other lie and is running away spouting out some bullsh!t about ruining the marriage


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

UGH STOP!!! since you wont file divorce...

1) Var her car and wherever she talks in the house
2) get a zoomback
3) install one of those turn on the speaker apps on her phone.
4) Keylog the comp

Perhaps a few more mind movies will do the trick.


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

I am going to see a divorce lawyer. I will go for full custody and we will sell the house and split the profits 50 50. Thats my plan. The house was for us and she messed it up. I cant live in that place after the D. The older boy has blown me right off. has for months. Hes almost 16 so he can choose who he wants to live with and it wont be me. He knows i;ll crack down on him and he can take full advantage of his mom. I legally adopted him when he was 8, but he has told me he doesnt care about that. Hes even wrote on his fb page: [email protected]# my fa#$ot of a step dad for yelling at my mom. Then stole my xbox360 and sold it for drug money. The kid is a misfit and doesnt care about either of us. I'll be going for full custody of my 6 year old. Hes awesome and Im a great nuturing father. I actuallly feel like the motherly one in the house. My wife would rather hit the gym for 2 hrs on a saturday then take him skating or to a movie. She'd rather nap. I'll stay with my parents (theres room for me and my son) until I have enuf saved up to get a nice 2 bedroom place in the city. Its going to be tuff with the hrs I work tho. I'll probably have to request a shift change which is a pay cut, but family is more important to me than money at this point. I'll survive on what i have. But really my mind is made up and i cant trust her anymore. She'll snap out of this mlc or mental illness or whatever caused her 180, and I think she'll have too much pride to beg for me back in the years to come, but she'll always kno what she did to screw up her husband and family and she'll have to live with that guilt the rest of her life. Shes incapable of being happy, but she'll put on a good front for family and friends.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Talk to a lawyer first before


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

heres an update on my sit. 
We have been sep. for a month now and put the house up for sale this past weekend. Its already sold. We have worked out a separ. agreement that involves everything. This is all happening so fast. In late Feb, we were on a great vacay to a hot destination, now like a fryin pan in the face, I live alone at the house, see my little guy every chance i get and now wer'e getting ready to look for other homes. Its so bizarre how someone could go off the rails that quick. Oh and of course, two of her g/f's are also recently separated. What a coincidence. lol What a joke.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

These things are always sad, always intensely painful

BUT and I think you know in this case, it's ultimately for the best

You will collapse in a heap and go up and down for sure.

That's why it's good to know this place is here. 

Incredibly helpful after separation / divorce 

All the best


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

divorcing?

did you ever confirm a second PA?


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

I didnt need to confirm a second PA. She sd that she didnt know what the guy looked like and only knew his first name and she wouldnt have the guts to meet the guy in person. I cant say if she did or not. She denies that and to this day denies that she had sex with the first guy back in april/may of last year. I've tried everything to get it out of her but to no avail. Either way, the trust is totally broken and I just see a path of lies a mile long if I were to continue. Ive told her its the biggest mistake of her life breaking down the foundation we once had and she'll regret it sooner or later.....her response to that a week ago was "i probably will" I mean, who agrees with the pissed off spouse? U agree that you'll regret destroying the best thing that ever happened to u? In anycase, we r both seeking new homes and i can totally see her having some douche move in with her within the next year. But to deal with 2 kids from 2 different fathers and agreeing to her lifestyle, which is pretty much letting her do watever she wants or she'll be pissed off at you prob wont fly with many guys out there. the grass isnt greener on the other side is a phrase i've heard plenty as of late. I know in 5 yrs i'll be 100% and moved on, but i just dont see her succeding in the long run. She never did before me, she only did when she was with me. My gut, which wasnt wrong on n e thing with her actions, tells me shes in for a rough ride.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

betrayed2013 said:


> I didnt need to confirm a second PA. She sd that she didnt know what the guy looked like and only knew his first name and she wouldnt have the guts to meet the guy in person. I cant say if she did or not. She denies that and to this day denies that she had sex with the first guy back in april/may of last year. I've tried everything to get it out of her but to no avail. Either way, the trust is totally broken and I just see a path of lies a mile long if I were to continue. Ive told her its the biggest mistake of her life breaking down the foundation we once had and she'll regret it sooner or later.....her response to that a week ago was "i probably will" I mean, who agrees with the pissed off spouse? U agree that you'll regret destroying the best thing that ever happened to u? In anycase, we r both seeking new homes and i can totally see her having some douche move in with her within the next year. But to deal with 2 kids from 2 different fathers and agreeing to her lifestyle, which is pretty much letting her do watever she wants or she'll be pissed off at you *prob wont fly with many guys out there.* the grass isnt greener on the other side is a phrase i've heard plenty as of late. I know in 5 yrs i'll be 100% and moved on, but i just dont see her succeding in the long run. She never did before me, she only did when she was with me. My gut, which wasnt wrong on n e thing with her actions, tells me shes in for a rough ride.


You're kidding, right? There will be a long line of guys waiting for there chance to screw her. All they have to do is make believe they care about her for a little while, get what they can get from her, and then move on when they get sick of it.

She was looking for guys on the married cheaters website, so it's not exactly like she is looking for a long-term commitment. If a woman wants to offer sex for no commitment, there always will be a lot guys to take her up on the offer. If all the guys have to do is lie to her, tell her how great she is, what a terrific person she is, how hot and sexy she is, that is a small price for them to pay.

Plus, she knows she can screw around on you for a while and if she gets tired of it she can always come back and apologize and you will take her back. That's what she thinks based on your behavior, whether or not it really is true.


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

will kane ===we sold the house! why the blue hell would i take a woman back after i had to sell the house of my dreams? No chance in hell and I didnt mean that there wouldnt be a long line of guys wanting to bang her...thats obvious, she has a hot body and is very attractive, i know that will happen. Im just saying when the relationships she has get into that comfort zone, most dudes wont put up with her selfish ways. they'll def. bang and leave. thats wat i was tryin to say. Or they'll do stuff she isnt cool with and arguments will ensue. I know her better than anyone and my gut tells me she will find the grass is not greener. And i will most certainly never take her back. Too much damage inflicted. I'd be a fool.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

betrayed2013 said:


> will kane ===we sold the house! why the blue hell would i take a woman back after i had to sell the house of my dreams? No chance in hell and I didnt mean that there wouldnt be a long line of guys wanting to bang her...thats obvious, she has a hot body and is very attractive, i know that will happen. Im just saying when the relationships she has get into that comfort zone, most dudes wont put up with her selfish ways. they'll def. bang and leave. thats wat i was tryin to say. Or they'll do stuff she isnt cool with and arguments will ensue. I know her better than anyone and my gut tells me she will find the grass is not greener. *And i will most certainly never take her back. Too much damage inflicted. I'd be a fool.*


I think that she thinks that you will take her back, eventually. You know she's going to regret this down the line. She even agreed that she will probably regret it down the line. But she did it anyway, because she thinks you'll take her back.

Your're right, you'd "be a fool" to EVER take her back. You realize this now, make sure she doesn't change your mind in a few years. OR you will be here, all over again.

There are far too many good women out there to ever have to go through this, with her, again.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Sorry that you are here, but happy for you that you have sold the house and are starting to move on.

Your soon to be Ex Wife is broken times ten. She would be a cancer in your life if you stayed. I know that you still love her but, you have to go and start a NEW LIFE. I know it's hard but it is your only real choice.

The thing is, you are going to have to look at this as a very good thing! Not as a bad thing, but a very good thing that you can work with. There will be bumps on the way but your new life will be so much better if you understand that you will be moving forward and not holding to the past.

I wish you all the luck in the future.


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