# Stressful Seperation



## mechanicalman79 (Dec 25, 2021)

It's tough to know where to start. So maybe at the beginning of the troubles is a good place. In the winter of 2019, my wife flew out of state to see her grandfather who in the hospital and took our 4 year old with her. He ended up passing away and she had her first breakdown and ended up in a psychiatric hospital there. My daughter ended up staying with her family there, of which she nor I knew at all. I flew down, got my daughter, found my wife, and returned home. She was in another hospital in a little over month. They managed to diagnose her, get her on meds, and she had been somewhat back to normal since....until a few months ago. 

We had all caught covid a few months back, but all of us kicked it. Soon after we had, she told me she wasn't happy and wanted a divorce and to see other people. I admitted i wasn't happy either, and we agreed to see a marriage counselor. For the next few days life was hell. She would tell our kids that i was not their father and didn't have to listen to me, call me things i don't care to repeat, and fight about things that didn't happen. I knew she was showing signs of a breakdown, but she wouldn't hear it. She finally went too far one day and tried locking me and my oldest from my first marriage out of the house, and when that didn't work, she ran into the living room where she had hid a couple of knives and pulled them out on us. I called the police. That night, i took both the kids, daughter and step-son, and fled the house. The police told me to give it a night and return the next morning. I did that, and had to leave the kids with her while i went to work. By the time I had got home she had left with the kids. 

She ended up going to the in-laws, whom didn't believe me when I said she was having a breakdown, assaulted them and went to jail. They brought my kids home that night. The next week I filed for a protection order for me and my daughter. Couldn't put the step-son on there as they said i had no right. CPS also got involved and found her a threat to the kids as they were in the next room when the knife incident happened. Flash forward a few months from this I have a temporary order, and she filed for divorce in a different county. When I read through the divorce papers she claimed the kids have been in the county where she filed for 30 days. Both children stay with me. But now i have to go to another county to ask for a transfer of venue and hope I get it. The following week is another protection order case. The stbx and her parents have both lied in front of a judge, and I can't help but think they record her conversations with the kids. I don't trust them. Her parent showed up on christmas eve when I asked them to stay away. I am holding it together for the kids, but I am so stressed out.


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## Indian_Nerd_Dad (Dec 23, 2021)

mechanicalman79 said:


> I The stbx and her parents have both lied in front of a judge, and I can't help but think they record her conversations with the kids. I don't trust them. Her parent showed up on christmas eve when I asked them to stay away. I am holding it together for the kids, but I am so stressed out.


Sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds pretty bad to me. I don't have much experience with dealing with people with mental issues -- hopefully you have already got yourself a good lawyer as I think you will really need it. Unfortunately, lawyers and divorce cost money, time, and stress. 

Do you have any close family or friends who can live with you to help with the kids while you work things out? The key here is to have witness. Maybe you can install several cameras around the house and record things purely for you to use as evidence if the need arises?


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## mechanicalman79 (Dec 25, 2021)

Indian_Nerd_Dad said:


> Sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds pretty bad to me. I don't have much experience with dealing with people with mental issues -- hopefully you have already got yourself a good lawyer as I think you will really need it. Unfortunately, lawyers and divorce cost money, time, and stress.
> 
> Do you have any close family or friends who can live with you to help with the kids while you work things out? The key here is to have witness. Maybe you can install several cameras around the house and record things purely for you to use as evidence if the need arises?


My oldest is 21 and lives with me and has been helping out over the last few months. The cameras are a good idea.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

mechanicalman79 said:


> My oldest is 21 and lives with me and has been helping out over the last few months. The cameras are a good idea.


Always have a VAR, voice activated recording, on you when you interact with her.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Hi, sorry you’re going through this, what was her diagnosis? And was this behaviour apparent before the breakdown? Or as a result of the treatment? (Sometimes medications can have side-effects that can bring out worsening or new symptoms, or she may have needed to stay in hospital longer.)

It’s not clear if this is new or old behaviour, and whether she wanted out of the marriage before. There also should be more follow up or some sort of regular outside help where the kids and you (and her!) are concerned. Is this happening? Social services, crisis team? Anything?


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## mechanicalman79 (Dec 25, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Hi, sorry you’re going through this, what was her diagnosis? And was this behaviour apparent before the breakdown? Or as a result of the treatment? (Sometimes medications can have side-effects that can bring out worsening or new symptoms, or she may have needed to stay in hospital longer.)
> 
> It’s not clear if this is new or old behaviour, and whether she wanted out of the marriage before. There also should be more follow up or some sort of regular outside help where the kids and you (and her!) are concerned. Is this happening? Social services, crisis team? Anything?


She was diagnosed as bi-polar, but I think it's schizophrenia. Her mother is diagnosed with schizophrenia. Makes sense to some of the things she's said and done like thinking there is someone in the attic putting poison gas through the vents, or saying a place sounds like velcro. She did not do this before that first breakdown. The medications she was on helped with that, but they did have side effects like restlessness and lack of concentration. I have had a psychiatrist tell me that covid makes changes in the brain, and sometimes medications stop working afterward. The divorce thing was out of the blue. It's like all the sudden I was her enemy. I am not perfect by any means but would have stayed with her through everything if I didn't feel in danger. My mother and neighbors help with the kids as they can. She is staying with her parents. When she was in jail, she was sent to a crisis center for evaluation and has been seeing a psychiatrist. She is on new medications that seem to be helping her. Still, CPS is involved. I wouldn't want to let her come back around, have another episode, and the kids get taken from both of us.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i have recent experience with two relatives who are batshit crazy.
Although i have kind of know they were crazy in the past, this last year and 1/2 has really accentuated their bizarre behavior. So it might be covid, or general paranoia from people due to all the lockdowns...but slightly crazy people seem to have gone full blown cray cray lately.

Your wife is crazy. She needs, in this order:
1) psychiatrist to evaluate her over at least a 30 day period of time
2) she be put on medications.
3) those medications be evaluated over weeks to make sure they are the RIGHT medications and in the right DOSAGES
4) only then will the woman you married return back home.

trouble is, it is hard to get the full multi week evaluation. the crazy person does not think they want it. your health insurance might not cover it. the drugs DO have side effects, so the crazy person wants to stop taking them, where they will immediately revert to being full on crazy AND thinking they no longer need drugs.

and here in USA, there are the HIPAA rules make it very hard for you to even contact the psychiatrist to tell them what bizarre behavior you have seen. they will not talk to you UNLESS the crazy person gives them written permission to do so.

It IS a shock to the people around them! They do not expect the person to be actually really really crazy. Maybe you thought she had a few minor issues? so get over that shock, and get her committed and seeing a psychologist for at least a month.

if you can not do any of that, maybe because she is no longer in-country....you need to hold onto those kids here. kiss her goodbye...the chance of you successfully curing her is pretty small!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

@Uptown


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