# What is going on?



## WoundedTiger

Hi all of you. This is my first post and I will make it focused. I am married with two smaller kids, but it has been horrible for the last three months. She nags the He11 out of me and I don't even care what she says any more.

What I am wondering about now is this. My wife has "kind of" stolen a friend of mine (male), which is stuck in the ****tiest marriage ever, according to him. Whenever I call or txt him, he rarely answers . However, my wife is texting with him every day. I am not nosy, but today, I looked in her phone as she went downstairs. There is daily text conversation, but for the most they are entirely impossible to understand. Just phrases here and there, nothing inappropriate. It actually mostly looks like a bunch of conversations have been deleted. There are conversations at one in night and I also see requests for video conversations. 

Me and my friend were incredibly close for a while. His wife is an absolute ***** to him, or that's what he has always said. He has a son that is my daughters age. Gradually, he has totally withdrawn from me and I thought at first or was due to his crappy marriage and maybe it was, but I find this texting VERY disturbing. 

There is 400 miles between us and him and I know about very few times she has been there on her own. My friend has always been this "bro's before hoes", so I cannot imagine him having done something wrong, but anyone that is cheated on probably thinks so. 

I am at the end now. We are solid financially with six-figures for both of us and my wife did a contract where she is expecting a couple of millions in a few weeks. At this point, I think she will dump me the moment this is figured out. 

Not going to do anything crazy if indeed I DO find out that cheating happened, except talking to his wife and banging her as payback. I am ****ing pissed off and concerned about never eeeong kids again. I would never do this humiliating every other weekend stuff. He11 no!!! 

So I got a soon-to-be millionaire (at least a couple) wife which treats me like crap and talks down to me at all times. I live in a no-contest state, so U can just walk out and file paper work. Don't want anything more to do with this if the worst scenario ensues. I can easily move and get well-paying job or even start my own (I am a physician and so is wife) thing. 

Finally, I have always worked to stay fit and just amped up my fitness regimen. I was out of that for 1 year (!!) due to tons of work and chaos. She even took a picture when I was sitting in coach and leaning back, so it looked like I had a potbelly. As I ramped up my regimen and started getting fitter, she was *****ier and *****ier even though she always have talked about getting back into it again, but never has. She's not bad looking and once she regained fitness she would be a strong 8 IMHO. However, I don't think I will ever see that.

Please come with some thoughts; beat me up; tell me I am a douche or classic beta. I hate this situation and know I can easily nab something else. However, we have been married for more than 10 years now.


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## Marc878

Ignorance is bliss until it isn't. Red flags all over. Better start digging 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...vidence-post.html?highlight=standard+evidence


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## WoundedTiger

Thanks for that link. I just started researching it. Could anyone try to speculate over the details in my post? I love my wife, but at this point I am scared of getting broken apart.


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## sokillme

WoundedTiger said:


> Thanks for that link. I just started researching it. Could anyone try to speculate over the details in my post? I love my wife, but at this point I am scared of getting broken apart.


Stop being scared and get your game face on. In this case fear is going to be your enemy all the way through. The ones who operate out of strength do much better. The ones who are afraid almost always get bullied.

Whatever the issue get your house in order. This is no different then you success in your job. Make a plan, take action, be decisive. Your first step is figuring out what is going on. If it is the two of you just growing apart then you can fix that, you both can work on that and be good. If it is cheating then it's up to you to decide, but I know what I would do. I wouldn't let my wife off the hook to save money that's for sure, especially if I was making top money like you. I would rather have my dignity and less money then live with a person who could cheat on me. 

Point is get strong, and harden yourself and figure this out.


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## BioFury

It sounds like you've given up on your marriage. If that's the case, then why bother? Why not just leave?

On the other hand, if you actually want to try to salvage your marriage, then you need to read the book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work". Then AFTER you've finished it, and understand it, sit down with your wife for a talk. The book will give you the tools necessary for a productive conversation, so be sure to follow it's advice. Share your frustrations with your wife, and ask her where she sees your marriage going. Ask her if there's something she needs from you that you haven't been giving her, and if she wants to give your marriage another shot.

I'd recommend you both see a marital counselor together as well. The conversations between your wife and your friend are very suspicious. I'd see if you can get a copy of the messages from the cell phone company. You might consider putting a VAR in her car, as well as a GPS.


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## WoundedTiger

Appreciate the thoughts. I just confronted her. First I asked her if she got any Merry Christmas well wishes (I know she got from him) and she was cool as a cucumber and first just said a few girl friends. Then I let it hang a little bit,, "nobody else"..? And then she said she got from the suspect later on. I pressed on and said I found it peculiar that he didn't wish ME anything. And she then said "maybe he feels guilty over talking with me and doesn't feel like telling". I call that bull crap. I know they have been texting for a while, which I knew before. Another thing, they use something called WhatsApp instead of IPhone messenger. We have some friends abroad with that app as well, but I find it odd. Can anyone comment on WhatsApp? 

I like to live with evidence and want to walk away with certainty, especially since we have two kids togwther. At this time I have raised my suspicion to about 45%, but I need to get beyond reasonable doubt before I strike, so I need another 45 to go. 

She didn't start yelling when I asked these questions, which surprised me a bit also as I was ready for a fight. 

Once I know what is going on, I will drive to his wife and tell her and hopefully bang her at same time. She is a very horrible wife, at least he says so, but I have no doubt she will agree to thus. Even thinking of shooting a movie and sending a Zip drive to wife and him afterwards. 

I was very down the last days and had thoughts about shooting myself yesterday, but now I am pissed off and want to get to bottom of this first.


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## BioFury

WoundedTiger said:


> Appreciate the thoughts. I just confronted her. First I asked her if she got any Merry Christmas well wishes (I know she got from him) and she was cool as a cucumber and first just said a few girl friends. Then I let it hang a little bit,, "nobody else"..? And then she said she got from the suspect later on. I pressed on and said I found it peculiar that he didn't wish ME anything. And she then said "maybe he feels guilty over talking with me and doesn't feel like telling". I call that bull crap. I know they have been texting for a while, which I knew before. Another thing, they use something called WhatsApp instead of IPhone messenger. We have some friends abroad with that app as well, but I find it odd. Can anyone comment on WhatsApp?
> 
> I like to live with evidence and want to walk away with certainty, especially since we have two kids togwther. At this time I have raised my suspicion to about 45%, but I need to get beyond reasonable doubt before I strike, so I need another 45 to go.
> 
> She didn't start yelling when I asked these questions, which surprised me a bit also as I was ready for a fight.
> 
> Once I know what is going on, I will drive to his wife and tell her and hopefully bang her at same time. She is a very horrible wife, at least he says so, but I have no doubt she will agree to thus. Even thinking of shooting a movie and sending a Zip drive to wife and him afterwards.
> 
> I was very down the last days and had thoughts about shooting myself yesterday, but now I am pissed off and want to get to bottom of this first.


I see. I misjudged, you're a horrible person. Perhaps that's why she's withdrawn from you.

I hope his wife smashes your nuts in with a baseball bat.


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## WoundedTiger

As a physician, my experience from people I have taken care of (and sent to a counselor) rarely seem to have any success. I think once you need that it is like gangrenous limb which needs to be cut off to save life. I am not particularly shaky at this time. You all words have helped me already. Please walk me through this, just like a navigator on plane helps the pilot. 

Thank you all so far..


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## WoundedTiger

Why would his wife smash my balls? What the heck is this?!?! If my wife and my friend sleeps together, any fidelity deal is off as well. It seems like you have some serious issues by judging me this quickly, but that's your thing,,


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## BioFury

WoundedTiger said:


> Why would his wife smash my balls? What the heck is this?!?! If my wife and my friend sleeps together, any fidelity deal is off as well. It seems like you have some serious issues by judging me this quickly, but that's your thing,,


Hopefully, because she realizes you're in need of a good ball-smashing.

Not at all. Anyone who would sleep with another woman as revenge isn't worth being with. You've shown yourself to be spiteful, egocentric, selfish, and hateful towards your wife. Which = bad.

I'd say a lot of us would think about doing something like that in an effort to hurt those who hurt us. But we would squelch the idea as stupid, spiteful, and degrading. You actually seem to be planning on doing it.


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## WoundedTiger

WOW, what a high-minded person YOU are. I am just finding out my wife, the mother of my two kids may be cheating on me and you have already described me as a bad person. I've never cheated on HER and in this case, they both have shown they don't care and have set the new rules. This is not very helpful to hear, but as long as you want to be this judgemental, there is nothing I can do, just keep your ranting away from me I guess. 

Is there a way to block ppl like this? I have just been here for a few hours now.


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## sokillme

BioFury said:


> It sounds like you've given up on your marriage. If that's the case, then why bother? Why not just leave?
> 
> On the other hand, if you actually want to try to salvage your marriage, then you need to read the book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work". Then AFTER you've finished it, and understand it, sit down with your wife for a talk. The book will give you the tools necessary for a productive conversation, so be sure to follow it's advice. Share your frustrations with your wife, and ask her where she sees your marriage going. Ask her if there's something she needs from you that you haven't been giving her, and if she wants to give your marriage another shot.
> 
> I'd recommend you both see a marital counselor together as well. The conversations between your wife and your friend are very suspicious. I'd see if you can get a copy of the messages from the cell phone company. You might consider putting a VAR in her car, as well as a GPS.


How about if he finds out if his wife is cheating or not? Seems like a better first step, can't work on the principles if you don't know what you are working with.


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## sokillme

WoundedTiger said:


> WOW, what a high-minded person YOU are. I am just finding out my wife, the mother of my two kids may be cheating on me and you have already described me as a bad person. I've never cheated on HER and in this case, they both have shown they don't care and have set the new rules. This is not very helpful to hear, but as long as you want to be this judgemental, there is nothing I can do, just keep your ranting away from me I guess.
> 
> Is there a way to block ppl like this? I have just been here for a few hours now.


Dude calm down and stop thinking emotionally. Seriously, she isn't going to just tell you she is cheating. Now you have given away that you are suspicious. Again stop flailing and make a plan. Get smart. 

The last thing you should be worried about is revenge, for right now worry about getting the facts. It may just be inappropriate texting. You have no idea yet. Slow down and start to be strategic.


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## WoundedTiger

calm down? I get accosted by someone with a clear moral agenda when I was asking for help. That's fine, he is entitled to his opinions and maybe he should get a ticket to Tehran at the same time?

This was a small mention, part of open self-reflection. If I should pass judgment over patients like this guy does I would be out of work in an hour. I'm glad this guy doesn't work as conselor for sure.


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## WoundedTiger

I will fly to my friends place tomorrow and confront him. I will snatch my wife cell phone early tomorrow and then ask him to show me his for comparison and THEN ask him to explain context. If he can't I will give his wife all messages. Not going to bang her if this has happened. However, I do have many other legal remedies to get at him. For all it's worth I may help HER out with divorce proceedings and pay her legal fees just to piss him off if it gets to that. 

So now I am not so horrible anymore. Right MP?


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## Satya

What gall you have, like this guy's wife is just going to say hell yeah to you knocking on her door and "banging" her on the fly. 

You're a doctor but you'd possibly expose yourself to STDs so recklessly? You don't have any proof your wife's affair went physical. 

Sorry for your discovery but your energy is going into retaliation when it should be going into detachment and indifference. Retaliation keeps you in anger mode and hampers your future healing. Physically you can be as fit as you like, but without more sustained cerebral control, mentally and emotionally you'll be a wreck.

She's cool as a cucumber because she's where you should be. 

It's your life.


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## WoundedTiger

Do you know how to read ?

Or only write..

Your presumptions of what a miserable physician I am just because I stand up for myself is your bias. Heard this crap since medical school, we all have. A physician can never be meek enough; have enough piety or be enough of a yes man, or he/she is not having "people skills" or all that nonsense. Nothing new here, just the same sloganism and PC bullying.

I am simply going to knock on his door and ask him to come with me for a drive to a park. THEN I will show him my wife's cell and I am sure he will talk. Well, if not that's as good evidence as anything. This, combined with looking at HIS phone should be sufficient for me to draw conclusions. 

You must be living in fairy land. I live in the real world. HAHAHA, "risk of STD". So I guess you have never had ONS then, or any learning about actual risk of catching anything with vaginal sex. And If I covered up, the chance is less than getting hit by a truck if you cross a street and looks everywhere.



Finally, if I DO get evidence it would be dishonest of me not to show it to his wife. If she takes his son and half his assets for that, it's not my fault. I'm just the messenger here. Doubt I will bother to bang her as well, since it could theoretically strengthen hus hand in divorce proceedings.
However, maybe after the divorce is through I would ask her if she would want to join in for a revenge movie..

Now, is THAT OK?


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## Satya

I'm not your enemy, @WoundedTiger, and I did not shame your profession or knowledge. I called your desired actions into question. They are the actions of an angry, destructive man bent on leaving rubble in his wake. 

I have written in this board for more than a few years now, and I am actually concerned for you and your future, but you are defensive and only seeing disapproval in my post. You're entirely free to ignore it if it doesn't suit.

I sincerely wish you all the best.


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## WoundedTiger

Satya said:


> I'm not your enemy, @WoundedTiger, and I did not shame your profession or knowledge. I called your desired actions into question. They are the actions of an angry, destructive man bent on leaving rubble in his wake.
> 
> I have written in this board for more than a few years now, and I am actually concerned for you and your future, but you are defensive and only seeing disapproval in my post. You're entirely free to ignore it if it doesn't suit.
> 
> I sincerely wish you all the best.


 I don't care if you have written on this board for hundred years. It obviously has made you very condescending and belittling. Please tell me where I am "defensive". Your entire substance can be reduced down to me being a clueless midget, isn't that so? 

I don't give a darn about what you tell me and neither do I care if you are trying to be the psychologist. If you want to be serious you can tell me what the issue is instead of trying to look like Dr Phil. 

"Leaving rubble in the way", what does that even mean, besides filling out your prosa here? Do you have a degree in poetry or journalism? I find your answers to me absolutely pathetic, but now I understand as you already invoked your seniority "expertise". One of the first things I remember learning from the psychiatry rotation at a state hospital was not to piss patients off when taking interviews and so with CBT. 
I said I accepted any comments so I am not angry with you, but simply think you have no clue what you are talking about. 

Disappointing comments so far. I'll just take care of all this sheeet and update later now.


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## arbitrator

*Methinks that while your W's married BF probably has a normal sized penis, whenever it's in an excited state, it can erect for up to 400 miles!

Now with all of your money, I'd seriously be hiring a PI, along with doing some covert, independent investigating all of my own!

Suffice it to say, "where there's smoke, there's usually fire!"*


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## WoundedTiger

arbitrator said:


> *. Methinks that your W's married BF probably has a normal size penis, that whenever in an excited state, can erect for up to 400 miles!
> 
> With your money, I'd seriously be hiring a PI along with doing some independent investigating all of my own!
> 
> Suffice it to say, but where there's smoke, there's usually fire!*


 I hate wasting money and what can a PI do that I cannot? He's not going to confront the guy and when I do, I will find out with use of cell phone transcripts and a threat to tell his wife. There is nothing he can do and he is not going to go physical, although that WOULD be a wet dream come true..

However, I agree with you. Even e-zigs have internal combustion mechanisms.


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## Thound

What if his wife doesn't want you to bang her?
Personally I think you would be miles ahead if you just divorced your wife and moved on, and secondly you said his wife was a *****. Why would you want to screw a *****?


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## Chaparral

You're in the wrong section. You're not getting the advice you need and you're going about this all wrong. If you think
You can fly there, and a cheater will come clean, you're simply misinformed, mistaken or worse. It doesn't work that way. 

Contact El .girl or another moderator to move this to the infidelity section.

For now, act like nothing is wrong. They are or now your mortal enemy. They are already talking to each other that you know something. Quit telegraphing your war plans.

She is going to get two million? Shut up,investigate, and make sure you get your half and fifty percent custody.

First get a digital recorder. Put them in the car under the seat with heavy duty Velcro. Put one in the house where she is likely to phone when you're out. Get the Sony model that costs about sixty dollars and lithium batteries. Make sure to test how they work first. 

Has You Sex life changed?

Search the infidelity section for the evidence gathering thread.


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## browser

WoundedTiger said:


> At this point, I think she will dump me the moment this is figured out.
> 
> Not going to do anything crazy if indeed I DO find out that cheating happened, except talking to his wife and banging her as payback.


The way you talk about banging the OMs wife as payback without even considering the possibility that she might not be interested in anything to do with you says a lot about how you treat other people.

Given the harshness of your responses towards those who have spent their valuable time trying to help you, you strike me as a very unreasonable, selfish, even narcissistic individual and while I would never excuse the actions of a cheater I can start to understand why you suspect your soon to be rich wife is going to kick you to the curb in favor of a guy who treats her better- even if he doesn't do much more than give her the time of day.


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## sokillme

WoundedTiger said:


> calm down? I get accosted by someone with a clear moral agenda when I was asking for help. That's fine, he is entitled to his opinions and maybe he should get a ticket to Tehran at the same time?
> 
> This was a small mention, part of open self-reflection. If I should pass judgment over patients like this guy does I would be out of work in an hour. I'm glad this guy doesn't work as conselor for sure.


I mean calm down with asking your wife questions and thinking about screwing your friends wife. You need to think strategic and you can't do this at least effectively if you are over emotional. Save that for when you know what is going on.


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## sokillme

Satya said:


> What gall you have, like this guy's wife is just going to say hell yeah to you knocking on her door and "banging" her on the fly.
> 
> You're a doctor but you'd possibly expose yourself to STDs so recklessly? You don't have any proof your wife's affair went physical.
> 
> Sorry for your discovery but your energy is going into retaliation when it should be going into detachment and indifference. Retaliation keeps you in anger mode and hampers your future healing. Physically you can be as fit as you like, but without more sustained cerebral control, mentally and emotionally you'll be a wreck.
> 
> She's cool as a cucumber because she's where you should be.
> 
> It's your life.


Give the man a brake he may have just found out his wife is screwing his friend. Let him pop off a little. People are emotional when this stuff happens.


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## sokillme

Satya said:


> I'm not your enemy, @WoundedTiger, and I did not shame your profession or knowledge. I called your desired actions into question. They are the actions of an angry, destructive man bent on leaving rubble in his wake.
> 
> I have written in this board for more than a few years now, and I am actually concerned for you and your future, but you are defensive and only seeing disapproval in my post. You're entirely free to ignore it if it doesn't suit.
> 
> I sincerely wish you all the best.


You chastened him which in this context shows you lack some sympathy and frankly could have been done more appropriately, in the context that he is probably finding out that his wife had terribly betrayed him. He is not the bad guy here.


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## sokillme

Chaparral said:


> You're in the wrong section. You're not getting the advice you need and you're going about this all wrong. If you think
> You can fly there, and a cheater will come clean, you're simply misinformed, mistaken or worse. It doesn't work that way.
> 
> Contact El .girl or another moderator to move this to the infidelity section.
> 
> For now, act like nothing is wrong. They are or now your mortal enemy. They are already talking to each other that you know something. Quit telegraphing your war plans.
> 
> She is going to get two million? Shut up,investigate, and make sure you get your half and fifty percent custody.
> 
> First get a digital recorder. Put them in the car under the seat with heavy duty Velcro. Put one in the house where she is likely to phone when you're out. Get the Sony model that costs about sixty dollars and lithium batteries. Make sure to test how they work first.
> 
> Has You Sex life changed?
> 
> Search the infidelity section for the evidence gathering thread.


This is good advice. Right now you are working a failed strategy most likely they are just going to deny it and take it underground if that is what is happening. You need more proof. Remember cheaters lie, it is in their character, they are good at it.


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## WoundedTiger

People got really hung up on me saying I might bang his wife once she knows. What is wrong with confronting him with the cell phone data? 

I'm sorry, but re-reading these comments makes me see there is some REALLY horrible people around. So none of you fools saying this believes you can EVER spot a liar then? Are you guys for real? Maybe you got cheated on yourself and remained clueless and embarrassed over it, I have seen many people in denial. Does anyone here think I am? Really?

I already called a divorce attorney this AM. I told him I was going to gather more proof and he said "OK, you are dealing with it, just make sure you are comfortable going through this and leave his wife alone". 

Anyways, I got to airport and check in is in two hours. I have my wife cell phone with me and have taken photos of her chat log. 

Again, being hung up on something you want to front an agenda about instead of wanting to answers question is just ridiculous.

For the final time, I said I changed my mind. The only thing I MAY do is do his wife after they get divorced and I have no doubt she would join in with that. Otherwise, I am sure someone is going to continue this red herring (as of now) instead of answering me concrete questions. I will say this has made me even MORE determined to determine the truth. I don't need any voice recording as long as I get to speak with OM, show him the texts and see his reaction.

Have a nice day. I will be seeing him by myself he evening and will be happy to release convo piece by piece. Time to act. I guess I should just be passive aggressive and buy voice recorders (LOL) instead of relying upon my methodology. I also had my attorney help with lie detector assistance and he will find out. As mentioned before, I am not a baby and will find out after 10 seconds if HE is lying or not.


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## sokillme

WoundedTiger said:


> People got really hung up on me saying I might bang his wife once she knows. What is wrong with confronting him with the cell phone data?
> 
> I'm sorry, but I do not hear much constructive answers here even though I have laid out an action plan. It is like nobody here wants to answer concrete questions.
> 
> Anyways, I got to airport and check in is in two hours. I have my wife cell phone with me and have taken photos of her chat log.
> 
> Again, being hung up on something you want to front an agenda about instead of wanting to answers question is just ridiculous.
> 
> For the final time, I said I changed my mind. The only thing I MAY do is do his wife after they get divorced and I have no doubt she would join in with that. Otherwise, I am sure someone is going to continue this red herring (as of now) instead of answering me concrete questions. I will say this has made me even MORE determined to determine the truth. I don't need any voice recording as long as I get to speak with OM, show him the texts and see his reaction.
> 
> Have a nice day. I will be seeing him by myself he evening and will be happy to release convo piece by piece. Time to act.


There are all different types on here, take what is useful and dump the rest. Anyway good luck but remember cheaters lie.


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## Spicy

Welcome to the forum, and I'm sorry for the reason you are here. I haven't got to read the responses yet, but will make time to do so later. 

Red flags abound. Trust your gut. WhatsApp is definitely a cheaters delight, and while yes it is useful for friends out of the country, for us in the same country, Where IMessage is so easy to use, you would use that unless you have something to hide, right? Also that chunks of iMessages are deleted, yet not all of them, is another huge red flag....like she is leaving behind only the ok stuff for when you snoop.

See if you can order the copies of the iMessages from your cell carrier, that may help you connect the dots.

Don't bother banging the other wife. Your above that, you can find someone better and hotter to move on with, instead of someone that is a known raging b!tch....don't put yourself through that stupidity and headache. She probably has teeth in her $natch.

IF you want your marriage to last, I hope that we are wrong. If your done already, then I guess she will have helped you get over her even quicker. Just keep being a great dad. The littles are the most important people in this equation. I wish you the best.


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## WoundedTiger

sokillme said:


> WoundedTiger said:
> 
> 
> 
> People got really hung up on me saying I might bang his wife once she knows. What is wrong with confronting him with the cell phone data?
> 
> I'm sorry, but I do not hear much constructive answers here even though I have laid out an action plan. It is like nobody here wants to answer concrete questions.
> 
> Anyways, I got to airport and check in is in two hours. I have my wife cell phone with me and have taken photos of her chat log.
> 
> Again, being hung up on something you want to front an agenda about instead of wanting to answers question is just ridiculous.
> 
> For the final time, I said I changed my mind. The only thing I MAY do is do his wife after they get divorced and I have no doubt she would join in with that. Otherwise, I am sure someone is going to continue this red herring (as of now) instead of answering me concrete questions. I will say this has made me even MORE determined to determine the truth. I don't need any voice recording as long as I get to speak with OM, show him the texts and see his reaction.
> 
> Have a nice day. I will be seeing him by myself he evening and will be happy to release convo piece by piece. Time to act.
> 
> 
> 
> There are all different types on here, take what is useful and dump the rest. Anyway good luck but remember cheaters lie.
Click to expand...

 WOW "cheaters lie".. Really!! I didn't know that. Thanks for the clarification. Next you are gonna tell me cheaters cheat?!?!

Not a single soul here have commented on my confrontation methods. Instead talking about Lithium batteries and Velcro. Really?? 
So yeah, follow your own advice then and leave me alone. I am pissed off enough right now.


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## WoundedTiger

Spicy said:


> Welcome to the forum, and I'm sorry for the reason you are here. I haven't got to read the responses yet, but will make time to do so later.
> 
> Red flags abound. Trust your gut. WhatsApp is definitely a cheaters delight, and while yes it is useful for friends out of the country, for us in the same country, Where IMessage is so easy to use, you would use that unless you have something to hide, right? Also that chunks of iMessages are deleted, yet not all of them, is another huge red flag....like she is leaving behind only the ok stuff for when you snoop.
> 
> See if you can order the copies of the iMessages from your cell carrier, that may help you connect the dots.
> 
> Don't bother banging the other wife. Your above that, you can find someone better and hotter to move on with, instead of someone that is a known raging b!tch....don't put yourself through that stupidity and headache. She probably has teeth in her $natch.
> 
> IF you want your marriage to last, I hope that we are wrong. If your done already, then I guess she will have helped you get over her even quicker. Just keep being a great dad. The littles are the most important people in this equation. I wish you the best.


. Thanks for well reasoned answers. You must be the sanity in this forum. 
After attorney advice I am NOT going to bang his wife, but once she is divorced I certainly will approach her and discuss it. Knowing her somewhat, I think my suggestion will be a slam-dunk later on. 

STBXW can keep all her money and kids. I am not going to have 20 years of my life having to experience humiliations like this. Likewise, I know this game from friends. She will just try using the kids as manipulative shield. No thanks.

I got a little geared up this morning, some adrenaline surge, but not much more than when I fly with my wing suit. This is going to be OK.


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## browser

WoundedTiger said:


> STBXW can keep all her money and kids. I am not going to have 20 years of my life having to experience humiliations like this. Likewise, I know this game from friends. She will just try using the kids as manipulative shield. No thanks.


Yeah just walk away and abandon your kids because, well she'll just use them against you in some way and humiliate you for 20 years (whatever that means).

Good plan.


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## Chaparral

It's odd you would treat people that know what they are talking about and have been through this successfully before. We are in your corner.
Good luck.


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## WoundedTiger

Chaparral said:


> It's odd you would treat people that know what they are talking about and have been through this successfully before. We are in your corner.
> Good luck.


. Say what??? People that want to throw me moral haymakers is in my corner? 
I don't think so..

A few have been good here, but just because they have "been through it" means nothing to me. So they went through a divorce and now they are all "experts"?! LMFAO, at least it made me smile for a brief moment.

Anyways, I just landed. F#%#}% hate flying these big prison transporters and all the retards at security, but this was fastest way. My wife texted me on MY phone from her friends one and just asked what the He11 am I doing?!?! She apparently has found out her phone is on me. Is there some kind of location program for IPhone??

Get out of this dump truck, get Uber and going straight to his place. This is going to be interesting. I just texted him and told him I wanted to meet him and ask about my wife as well and he better show up!!!

Probably 90 minutes away from showdown. Not gonna be physical, but if he does anything I will unleash a fire storm upon him. This dude is one of those pussies that always brags about concealed carry. Well, we shall see how much THAT helps him.

-A wounded tiger is even more ferocious than a hungry one-.

Grrrrtrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdrrrrrrerddrrrrrrrrrrrr


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## browser

WoundedTiger said:


> Get out of this dump truck, get Uber and going straight to his place. This is going to be interesting. I just texted him and told him I wanted to meet him and ask about my wife as well and he better show up!!!


I know you don't like to read advice that conflicts with your numerous preconceived notions of what you believe to be the best course of action, indeed I have no idea why you're even on this forum other than to tell assorted internet strangers how ferocious you are, and how little we know, but anyway, confronting this guy is really not the answer, because he's not the problem, he's not the one who broke the marital vows, he's not the one who spread her legs and gave him permission to insert his penis, she is. She's the problem, he's just a symptom. He's just the guy that happens to be attached to that particular penis. If it wasn't him it would be some other guy. You sir, are mightily and ferociously barking up the wrong tree. You are the sort of guy who takes his temperature to find out if he's got a fever, and if so he breaks the thermometer because it's giving him news he isn't willing to hear. 

Let me tell you what's going to happen. You'll confront, he'll most likely deny, but there IS a possibility that he says "yeah I'm shagging your wife, because you're a loser and she doesn't even like you anymore". 

What next? You going to roar very loudly?


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## WoundedTiger

browser said:


> WoundedTiger said:
> 
> 
> 
> Get out of this dump truck, get Uber and going straight to his place. This is going to be interesting. I just texted him and told him I wanted to meet him and ask about my wife as well and he better show up!!!
> 
> 
> 
> I know you don't like to read advice that conflicts with your numerous preconceived notions of what you believe to be the best course of action, indeed I have no idea why you're even on this forum other than to tell assorted internet strangers how ferocious you are, and how little we know, but anyway, confronting this guy is really not the answer, because he's not the problem, he's not the one who broke the marital vows, he's not the one who spread her legs and gave him permission to insert his penis, she is. She's the problem, he's just a symptom. You sir, are mightily and ferociously barking up the wrong tree. You are the sort of guy who takes his temperature to find out if he's got a fever, and if so he breaks the thermometer because it's giving him news he isn't willing to hear.
> 
> Let me tell you what's going to happen. You'll confront, he'll most likely deny, but there IS a possibility that he says "yeah I'm shagging your wife, because you're a loser and she doesn't even like you anymore".
> 
> What next?
Click to expand...

 the reason I am not listening to any advice is because so far, with few exceptions, I am getting morality police.

You are missing the point. By confronting him, I can cross-refer with her IPhone. It's amazing how you guys pick one thing out to belittle, instead of answering my factual question. 

If you really want to sit high, then go to India and play elephant polo.

No answer back from him yet..,,


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## browser

WoundedTiger said:


> the reason I am not listening to any advice is because so far, with few exceptions, I am getting morality police.


You don't seem to have a particular goal. 

You're going to confront the guy to try to get a confession, and catch your wife in one or more lies by comparing stories and phone GPS locations. 

What happens if you get all the information you seek and you are convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt your wife is a lying sack of sh!t and this guy's penis is on a first name basis with her VJ?

You going to divorce her or try to break up the affair and win her back with the "pick me" game?



WoundedTiger said:


> No answer back from him yet..,,


Let me predict the future here. 

He's going to avoid you.


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## WoundedTiger

browser said:


> WoundedTiger said:
> 
> 
> 
> the reason I am not listening to any advice is because so far, with few exceptions, I am getting morality police.
> 
> 
> 
> You don't seem to have a particular goal.
> 
> You're going to confront the guy to try to get a confession, and catch your wife in one or more lies by comparing stories and phone GPS locations.
> 
> What happens if you get all the information you seek and you are convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt your wife is a lying sack of sh!t and this guy's penis is on a first name basis with her VJ?
> 
> You going to divorce her or try to break up the affair and win her back with the "pick me" game?
> 
> 
> 
> WoundedTiger said:
> 
> 
> 
> No answer back from him yet..,,
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Dammit, his WIFE just texted me and said "he is gone fishing with his son and told her to tell me as he lost coverage.
> 
> WTF!!!!!
> 
> Let me predict the future here.
> 
> He's going to avoid you.
Click to expand...


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## WoundedTiger

RIDICULOUS. I told her. Why didn't he contact me then? She said he told her his battery was almost dead.. 

Now what?!?!


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## browser

WoundedTiger said:


> RIDICULOUS. I told her. Why didn't he contact me then? She said he told her his battery was almost dead..
> 
> Now what?!?!


Go home dude.


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## WoundedTiger

browser said:


> WoundedTiger said:
> 
> 
> 
> RIDICULOUS. I told her. Why didn't he contact me then? She said he told her his battery was almost dead..
> 
> Now what?!?!
> 
> 
> 
> Go home dude.
Click to expand...

 My return flight is at midnight. I am confused. No idea what to do niw.


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## Betrayedone

You are a mess, dude........Your energy is pointed in the wrong direction. He will avoid you at all costs and this will get you even more spooled up. You are interested in playing a game of one uppance.....You are acting out because you have a severely bruised EGO. That will get you no where.


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## WoundedTiger

Betrayedone said:


> You are a mess, dude........Your energy is pointed in the wrong direction. He will avoid you at all costs and this will get you even more spooled up. You are interested in playing a game of one uppance.....You are acting out because you have a severely bruised EGO. That will get you no where.


. Yawn..... I knew more cliches in High school. Why do you feel like cyber assaulting peopl who are asking a question. 
If I don't see him by ten this evening I will file divorce tomorrow at lunch time. 

You guys are phonies. Not ONE person commented on my methodology of phone messages and comparison. I have asked several times, but no.. all I hear is Lithium batteries and Velcro 

Will update tomorrow night.


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## Betrayedone

Good luck with your strategy, doctor..........Denial ain't just a river in Egypt........


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## browser

WoundedTiger said:


> You guys are phonies. Not ONE person commented on my methodology of phone messages and comparison. I have asked several times, but no.. all I hear is Lithium batteries and Velcro


That's because your methods won't give you the concrete answers you seek. The sleuthing advice you have been given here, are tried and proven methods and yet you scoff at them and those who try to help simply because you don't understand. 

Go to the airport, have a drink, reflect on your life, your marriage and where you want to go and how you plan to get there with the least amount of time, effort, and expense. 

Running around all over the country demanding confessions for a suspected affair will not get you there.


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## Chaparral

WoundedTiger said:


> . Yawn..... I knew more cliches in High school. Why do you feel like cyber assaulting peopl who are asking a question.
> If I don't see him by ten this evening I will file divorce tomorrow at lunch time.
> 
> You guys are phonies. Not ONE person commented on my methodology of phone messages and comparison. I have asked several times, but no.. all I hear is Lithium batteries and Velcro
> 
> Will update tomorrow night.


Your wife and your friend have their stories all ready for you. Your plan has a slim and none chance. That's why it was ignored. They are going to admit only what you can prove. They will say they are only talking. By showing your hand you have lost the high ground. The app they are using shows they have been and are on top of things. Very well thought out. You on the other hand have acted rashly and without a plan that has a chance of working. Hell, you even warned him you were coming.


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## browser

Chaparral said:


> You on the other hand have acted rashly and without a plan that has a chance of working. Hell, you even warned him you were coming.


Hey at least he'll be racking up those frequent flier miles.


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## sokillme

WoundedTiger said:


> WOW "cheaters lie".. Really!! I didn't know that. Thanks for the clarification. Next you are gonna tell me cheaters cheat?!?!
> 
> Not a single soul here have commented on my confrontation methods. Instead talking about Lithium batteries and Velcro. Really??
> So yeah, follow your own advice then and leave me alone. I am pissed off enough right now.


Wow man quit attacking the messenger and listen to what we are telling you, if I remember right you posted on here for advice. 



> Please come with some thoughts; beat me up; tell me I am a douche or classic beta.


Remember?

I am sorry people are jumping on you for the one comment but I'm the one defending you by the way. But right now you are being a douche because you are lashing out and not being strategic. Almost every comment I have made to you is about your methods now stop being defensive and listen. MY POINT is you are not going about this right because both your wife and your friend are just going to lie to you. You are never going to get the full story now because you have decided to lay all your cards on the table and trust the very two people who are already lying and cheating on you to be honest. What you should be doing is gathering evidence to use it to get the truth. Evidence is your only leverage right now, again THEY ARE GOING TO TRY TO MINIMIZE EVERYTHING, AND YOU WILL NOT GET THE FULL TRUTH. If you could catch them in the lie you can give the impression that you know more then you do and get them to tell you all. But you need to know at least a little bit about what is up first. You need to have some ammunition to back you. Get that by doing some investigation without letting on everything you know. 

Again go ahead and show up at your friends door but even if he assures you nothing is going on are you really going to be sure, should you be? Better to investigate without them knowing you know. Anyway do what you want but next time don't ask for advice if you are going to get all bent out of shape when you don't like the answers.

*Edit: I see now you already blew it. Tried to tell you. Now they are going just get better at hiding it*


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## sokillme

WoundedTiger said:


> You guys are phonies. Not ONE person commented on my methodology of phone messages and comparison. I have asked several times, but no.. all I hear is Lithium batteries and Velcro
> 
> Will update tomorrow night.


 @Chaparral post before mine



> For now, act like nothing is wrong. They are or now your mortal enemy. They are already talking to each other that you know something. Quit telegraphing your war plans.
> 
> She is going to get two million? Shut up,investigate, and make sure you get your half and fifty percent custody.
> 
> First get a digital recorder. Put them in the car under the seat with heavy duty Velcro. Put one in the house where she is likely to phone when you're out. Get the Sony model that costs about sixty dollars and lithium batteries. Make sure to test how they work first.
> 
> Has You Sex life changed?
> 
> Search the infidelity section for the evidence gathering thread.


Then I responded -



> This is good advice. Right now you are working a failed strategy most likely they are just going to deny it and take it underground if that is what is happening. You need more proof. Remember cheaters lie, it is in their character, they are good at it.


That was me commenting on your strategy but you didn't listen just yelled at me and wasted money on plane fair. I wonder if this may be some of your problem in life. Anyway now you basically are stuck with no leverage and no idea what's going on. Good Luck. I will say it again just to piss you off, CHEATERS LIE, so you are never going to get the truth now.


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## arbitrator

WoundedTiger said:


> I hate wasting money and what can a PI do that I cannot? He's not going to confront the guy and when I do, I will find out with use of cell phone transcripts and a threat to tell his wife. There is nothing he can do and he is not going to go physical, although that WOULD be a wet dream come true..
> 
> However, I agree with you. Even e-zigs have internal combustion mechanisms.


*What having a PI present is going to do for you is to be a material threat to your W as a major substantiating, corroborating witness in court, thereby forcing both her and her attorney into an aura of weakness inasfar as property and custodial negotiations are concerned!*


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## Starstarfish

This might be an EA, sure but how do you feel she's committing an actual physical affair with a dude 400 miles away?

Unless you are Doctor Strange and leaving your sling ring around the house for her to use, how are they actually getting together if you had to -fly- somewhere to confront him? Is she disappearing for long periods of time?


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## WorkingWife

WoundedTiger said:


> Once I know what is going on, I will drive to his wife and tell her and hopefully bang her at same time. She is a very horrible wife, at least he says so, but I have no doubt she will agree to thus. Even thinking of shooting a movie and sending a Zip drive to wife and him afterwards.


Are you F*cking serious? You would use this probably vulnerable woman you don't even know for sex and RECORD it just for revenge? What about this woman's reputation when that gets out? You've thought about shooting yourself? What do you think she will think about doing when one of the recipients gets pissed and puts the video of her having sex with you up on the internet? And why do you think some woman you don't know would have sex with you? 

I hope you are just having dark fantasies because of your anger, and that's not something you would actually do. (It IS a nice fantasy, but would be unconscionable in reality.)



WoundedTiger said:


> I was very down the last days and had thoughts about shooting myself yesterday, but now I am pissed off and want to get to bottom of this first.


Please do NOT shoot yourself! As you can see from your own writing, your emotions are (understandably) all over the place, but the pain you are feeling will pass and you have lots of options. You just have to wait the pain out. Maybe get some anti depressants until you get through this. But don't do anything rash or irreversible.

It sounds like they are having an emotional affair. If I read correct that he's 400 miles away, unless your wife travels without you, I'd assume it's not physical. But your W's obsession with this guy will kill her love for you and they say an EA is as bad as a physical one. You can put spyware on her phone to find out just what is going on.

If you want to recover your marriage, I would go here: Surviving an Affair - Marriage Builders® Forums they specialize in helping marriages recover from affairs.

If you do divorce over this, I would try to get some of that two million she's got coming even if you do make a nice living regardless. She broke her vows to you, she should have to pay (IMO).


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## Cosmos

> Once I know what is going on, I will drive to his wife and tell her and hopefully bang her at same time. She is a very horrible wife, at least he says so, but I have no doubt she will agree to thus. Even thinking of shooting a movie and sending a Zip drive to wife and him afterwards.


I was going to tell you how inappropriate it was for your W to be in constant text with your friend, but if the above is any indication of the sort of person you are, and you've already told us what a horrible woman your friend's W is, pehaps it's understandable that your W and friend might look for solace in one another...

If you are a doctor, as you say you are, I suggest that you take some time away from your office and seek professional help. You should not be around patients in your current state of mind.


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## Chaparral

His wife may be a wonderful woman. He only has the word of two possible cheaters on that.

You're running on adrenaline and making bad decisions.

Re the lying, if you catch cheaters in bed together, they will lie so convincingly you will doubt your lying eyes.

Hard evidence is useful no matter the state laws. That should be obvious.


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## lucy999

Dr., I would love to play poker with you. I would win. You tipped your hand far too soon and I am fairly certain you don't have a good Poker Face. Don't you get it? They will just take their Affair Underground. You should have gone the stealthy route and gathered evidence before you confronted. You wanted comments about your plan to confront. These are my comments. You failed. Miserably. I wish you the best of luck.


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## Ursula

browser said:


> The way you talk about banging the OMs wife as payback without even considering the possibility that she might not be interested in anything to do with you says a lot about how you treat other people.
> 
> Given the harshness of your responses towards those who have spent their valuable time trying to help you, you strike me as a very unreasonable, selfish, even narcissistic individual and while I would never excuse the actions of a cheater I can start to understand why you suspect your soon to be rich wife is going to kick you to the curb in favor of a guy who treats her better- even if he doesn't do much more than give her the time of day.


Holy scheister, this, right here, hit the nail on the head!


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## Ursula

Plenty of people have; you've just chosen to take their advice in the wrong context, and say that they are attacking you instead of trying to help you. 



WoundedTiger said:


> WOW "cheaters lie".. Really!! I didn't know that. Thanks for the clarification. Next you are gonna tell me cheaters cheat?!?!
> 
> *Not a single soul here have commented on my confrontation methods.* Instead talking about Lithium batteries and Velcro. Really??
> So yeah, follow your own advice then and leave me alone. I am pissed off enough right now.


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## Ursula

Okay, this is the second racial comment that you've made on this forum. The first one was something about Tehran. Racist much? You realize that's not very nice, especially given your profession?



WoundedTiger said:


> the reason I am not listening to any advice is because so far, with few exceptions, I am getting morality police.
> 
> You are missing the point. By confronting him, I can cross-refer with her IPhone. It's amazing how you guys pick one thing out to belittle, instead of answering my factual question.
> 
> *If you really want to sit high, then go to India and play elephant polo.*
> 
> No answer back from him yet..,,


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## browser

Betrayedone said:


> I think the good "doctor" has flown the coop.......I'm getting a whif


You're not supposed to call "troll" it's a bannable offense, and should you get banned, guess who wins? Never to late to avail yourself of the "Edit" button located under each and every one of your posts. 

That much being said I'll make a general statement that when a poster starts a thread that moves along rapidly and things develop rapidly, and there's a lot of antagonistic and flame producing remarks on the part of the original poster who has little or no track record on the forum- more often than not, it's a troll.

To be clear, and so I may retain my posting privileges on this wonderful forum, I am NOT saying this thread was started by a troll, just making some general observations and seeing some parallels between what I wrote here and what was written in various places on this particular thread.


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## Betrayedone

......not too worried.......I call 'em like I see 'em........


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## MattMatt

Let's just see how it plays out, OK?


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## JohnA

@MattMatt can you lock this thread until poster comes back? Also why isn't Timeonmyside banned?


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## Adelais

WoundedTiger said:


> *There is 400 miles between us and him* and I know about very few times she has been there on her own. My friend has always been this "bro's before hoes", so I cannot imagine him having done something wrong, but anyone that is cheated on probably thinks so.
> 
> I am at the end now. We are solid financially with six-figures for both of us and my wife did a contract where she is expecting a couple of millions in a few weeks. At this point, I think she will dump me the moment this is figured out.
> 
> So *I got* a soon-to-be millionaire (at least a couple) wife *which* treats me like crap and talks down to me at all times.
> 
> 
> Please come with some thoughts; *beat me up*; tell me I am a douche or *classic beta*.


Ignore this poster. Physicians do not have such poor grammar. They've spent 20 years in school, not counting additional years spent learning a specialty in the medical field. This poster is begging for interaction, knows the "TAM lingo" yet fights with all the posters that don't pity him (or her.) IGNORE!


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## aine

WoundedTiger said:


> Appreciate the thoughts. I just confronted her. First I asked her if she got any Merry Christmas well wishes (I know she got from him) and she was cool as a cucumber and first just said a few girl friends. Then I let it hang a little bit,, "nobody else"..? And then she said she got from the suspect later on. I pressed on and said I found it peculiar that he didn't wish ME anything. And she then said "maybe he feels guilty over talking with me and doesn't feel like telling". I call that bull crap. I know they have been texting for a while, which I knew before. Another thing, they use something called WhatsApp instead of IPhone messenger. We have some friends abroad with that app as well, but I find it odd. Can anyone comment on WhatsApp?
> 
> I like to live with evidence and want to walk away with certainty, especially since we have two kids togwther. At this time I have raised my suspicion to about 45%, but I need to get beyond reasonable doubt before I strike, so I need another 45 to go.
> 
> She didn't start yelling when I asked these questions, which surprised me a bit also as I was ready for a fight.
> 
> Once I know what is going on, I will drive to his wife and tell her and hopefully bang her at same time. She is a very horrible wife, at least he says so, but I have no doubt she will agree to thus. Even thinking of shooting a movie and sending a Zip drive to wife and him afterwards.
> 
> I was very down the last days and had thoughts about shooting myself yesterday, but now I am pissed off and want to get to bottom of this first.


Yes, your wife is cheating on you or at least having an emotional affair. You want to go bang his wife, as if that would solve anything. Please contact his wife and ask her to be on the lookout, do this surreptiously, you do not want to put them on notice, keep your cool, go underground and observe. Try to get access to her phone, pretend yours is not working or out of battery. Put a VAR in her car asap. you can do this but don't let her know you are suspicious. Follow the standard evidence threat, do not lose your cool.


----------

