# How to move on without beating the crap out of the OM



## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

Hi....this is my first post although I have been reading the posts on here the past two months.....this is a long one so you may want to settle in....here goes nothing.

I married my High School sweetheart 22 years ago and we recently moved to Virginia. Our oldest daughter is a Senior in college and recently married in May and stayed in Alabama. Our youngest made the move to Virginai with us. My wife and I have went through a lot the past three years, her father dying in 2010, my mother dying in 2011 and my father recently passed away in 2012. She started therapy in Virginia and while I know that she has not been truly happy (long story of her childhood) I thought we were doing fine. She met someone at a bar. He's an older guy, 2X divorced car salesman who lives in a modified basement apartment of someone's house. He claims to be an ex NFL player, I called the Raider's they have never heard of him, and even claims to be the ex body guard of Sylvester Stallone and is the cousin of Stephanie Myers....sound too good to be true? To everyone but my wife.

She tells me that she loves me but is not in love with me anymore. I catch her talking to this guy constantly....Facebook, text messages, phone messages....she's not very smart. When I come back from a trip in Nov, she tells me that she needs to talk and wants a separation. While we are talking upstairs, our daughter picks up her phone and finds all the sordid dirty sexting messages.....my daughter brings me the phone and shows me. I actually try to cover for my wife, but my daughter also shows me pictures.....needless to say my wife left that night. So......i still want to make it work.....I love her. We go to MC, and she tells the counselor that she does not want the marriage. I ask her to do the 40 day Love Dare and not contact this guy. She agrees......but on Thanksgiving i catch her talking to this guy. I pick up the phone and threaten him.....I want to beat the crap out of this guy so bad I can't see straight.....but i know i'll lose my job and my daughter, who has said that wants to live with me. We agree to a divorce on 28 Nov. Now here is where it gets messy. I can't stop wanting to hurt this guy and make him hurt worse than I am hurting. I can't sleep, i can't eat, i can't concentrate. Even her own siblings are telling me that I'm better off.....but i still love her. How do i move on? She has said the cruelest things to me.....i never satisfied her sexually, emotionally, and i was always so selfish. She does not even see the carnage she has done to the family. I feel hopeless. I am beyond sad...i'm angry.....i want vengeance.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Vengeance for what? Your wife is a cheater. She has problems. All the things she said to you, are crap. Blameshifting and gas lighting. Say goodbye and good riddance. Pick up the 180 and start working on being the best you possible. Your best vengeance at this point is being happy.............


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

why beat up the om he is not married to you? who cares if he knew you were married. my xw cheated on me i never once wanted to go after the guy. i wasnt married to him. looking back now my god he did me a favor.


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

I've tried.....not very succesful at it....however, i have done better the past two days. My daughter and I are visiting in Alabama while she stayed up there supposedly looking for a job. I just want to make them hurt like i'm hurting. I have lost 20 lbs in 2 months and my ego and self-esteem are in the dirt. I've started therapy on my own.....i just want to be there for my daughter but she's the one actuallly taking care of me.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Every time you engage your old lady you get all worked up....SO STOP ENGAGING HER!!!!

Your old lady loves the fact that it pisses you off, hell for some bullcrap ..most likely years ago...she still resents you.

So Please STOP ENGAGing HER!!!!!

Trust me when I tell you the best thing you can do is "let her go"!

See when you distance your self and have this indifference you now have regained your power.

Dude she still has all the power cuz the oppisite of love is indifference...not hate. Hell hate is still an emotion, your still emotionally invested and that gives her the power.

GET IT?

As far as the point to this thread well its your kids and your job...thats what keeps *all* of us from phucking up the OM (other man).

Hey if you end up screwing your life up by jacking up the OM then your WW (wayward wife) wins.

What will be the best revenge is living life well, showing your WW you are in fact better off with out her, she is the one that brought out the worst in you.

Living life better without her will piss her off. And in time finding a younger more loyal women will really get her. You can't do that in jail. You can't have cutody of your kid.

At the end of the day your kid is counting on you...and you can't do that in jail.

So brother welcome to a club no one wants to belong to and your best reveng is living life well and letting the other man be with your WW...he will be were you are at soon enough.


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

Thanks "The Guy"....I don't like the club...no offense. That's why i'm here....i don't know how to let her go. She's already let me go years ago is what she says. Now I feel like everything was a lie.....how many 42 year old men have been with one woman? I feel like a loser.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You need to distance your self from this so no matter what DO NOT CONTACT HER when your in Alabama.

You have no reason to pick up her call or answer her text enless its about your kid.

Sorry bro "looking for a job" = hooking the OM to support her @ss.

Please fake it until you make it...have the confidence to smile at her knowing that it was her choice to take the easy way out and betray you instead of divorcing you before starting another relation ship.

This confidence just might get her to think twice in what she will lose... I personaly think this is an exit affair...either way showing the confidence that you can let her go will do you good in working towards stopping the emotional torture.


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

this thread is in the wrong area.....how do i move it to the going through a separation/divorce section?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

AFPhoenix said:


> Thanks "The Guy"....I don't like the club...no offense. That's why i'm here....i don't know how to let her go. She's already let me go years ago is what she says. Now I feel like everything was a lie.....how many 42 year old men have been with one woman? I feel like a loser.


Lets start by just faking it...fake letting her go and see were it takes you.

You are not a loser, did you cheat?

So who is the weak one?

Who betrayed who?

Who has a moral compass?

Now...who is the losser?

You, me and a bunch of other guys got screwed over....Its not what knocks us down that matters, it how we get back up that counts.

And the slower you get back up the worse you will feel. Come on @ss wipe dust your self off and get back what your old lady took from you years ago!!!!!

Your not the only one dude, we all have gotten through this bull crap our old ladies have done, so stop letting it define you.

Its time you became the man you once were!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You will make it.

Do you know about the 180?


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

I started it 2 days ago....but i can't stop looking at their facebook posts.....the dirt bag even changed his status to in a relationship....i feel like the only way to regain my manhood is to beat the crap out of him in front of her then turn to her and tell her she's not worth it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

AFPhoenix said:


> She has said the cruelest things to me.....i never satisfied her sexually, emotionally, and i was always so selfish. She does not even see the carnage she has done to the family. I feel hopeless. I am beyond sad...i'm angry.....i want vengeance.


This all part of the cheaters script. The tell us these cruel things so they don't have to face their own guilt. They rewrite history to justify the deceit.

So of course they can't see the carnage. 

They can't face the reality that they made acoice to become liers and cheats...lets face it one doesn't grow up wanting to be an adultor, so they make crap up about how crappy their spouse is.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

AFPhoenix said:


> I started it 2 days ago....but i can't stop looking at their facebook posts.....the dirt bag even changed his status to in a relationship....i feel like the only way to regain my manhood is to beat the crap out of him in front of her then turn to her and tell her she's not worth it.


First of all stop looking at FB!

The best way to regain your man hood is take it back from her..she has controled you long enough.

Letting her go will get you a lot more respect from her then beating her lover.

Hell let the other guy have all her problems now.

The best why to show her she is not worth it is by having the indifference to walk away with a positive attitude, confidence and self respect!!!!

Dude your walking right into her hand..." I'm so hot I got two guys fighting over me"...really you want to go there?

Do you even know what indifference means?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your wife wants you to do something to the OM so she can have full custody of the kid. he propable means nothing to her but uses him just like she is using you. This POS is her ticket to getting everything if she is counting on you doing something stupid.

Your old lady will get everything she wants. Playing you and the OM the fool.

I bet she has a 3rd guy on the hook you haven't found out about.

Dude stop getting played by this women and look out for your self and your kid!


We all feel this way but the reality is there is alot better out there.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

AFPhoenix said:


> She has said the cruelest things to me.....i never satisfied her sexually, emotionally, and i was always so selfish. She does not even see the carnage she has done to the family. I feel hopeless. I am beyond sad...i'm angry.....i want vengeance.


AFP, so sorry you are here. Your story is earily similar to mine, though it happened in year 9 of my marriage while you are in year 22. I too felt consumed with hatred and anger at the OM. I even thought at times "what real man doesn't go beat the sh!t out of the OM for taking his wife away?" Not good thoughts. Real men think about their responsibilities and act appropriately. You are absolutely right that it's not possible to take care of a child jail, so they have to be the focus, not your wife or OM. 

It will take time, but it WILL get better over time, I promise.

And yes, you have to get your finances separated from hers ASAP and stop paying her to live her life with the OM. This was her choice.


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

If a man steals your wife, the best revenge is to let him keep her.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

Agreed RG, but I can tell you it was hard to think that way when I was in the thick of it. For what it's worth it didn't last between her and the OM once he saw how crazy she was.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

TheGoodGuy said:


> Agreed RG, but I can tell you it was hard to think that way when I was in the thick of it. For what it's worth it didn't last between her and the OM once he saw how crazy she was.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*The same way as with my XW. One of her OM, a doctor, developed cold feet with her and got the hell out of Dodge, realizing what he might lose in a possible D situation with his own W.

The other one obviously got his knob moistened by XW to the point that he saw all of the sordid goods and baggage that she was packing, and it literally drove him out-of-state. Now it's apparent that she has nobody that's a steady, while no doubt picking up itinerant companionship at her many business and pleasure venues.

The way that I see her now is strictly as just "a woman that I once knew!"*


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