# Proposing to Persian Girl



## nmmohl (Sep 26, 2014)

I've been dating this Persian girl for over a year now and she is easily the most beautiful girl I've ever met and she's so caring, generous, nice and honest with me. We're both truly in love with each other, I've never felt this way about anyone and it she feels the same way.

I do believe she truly loves me, but I'm just doubting myself as I plan to propose to her tomorrow, part of me believes maybe she only wants to be with me because I'm financial secure, but at the same time, she's done a lot of romantic gestures for me, like lighting candles all over her room and spelling I love you with them for my Birthday, paying for a plane ticket and hotel room so I can stay 1 day longer with her when we first met and lastly, she was a virgin before I met her, she chose me to be her first. Not to mention her parents approved of me and I was the first guy they ever approved that she's dated.

I just need some reassurance and some background on what Persian girls are like in marriage as I can't seem to find any information on what Persians are like with marriage, if there loyal and honest, and if I should go through with it, etc.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Do you think she is looking for a green card?



> part of me believes maybe she only wants to be with me because I'm financial secure,


I hate to break it to you, but that is one quality that a lot of women look for.

What you want to be sure of, is that she loves you for all your qualities and does not see you as a stepping stone. 

When you two talk about what you hope to accomplish for the next years, what do you hear from her?


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## nmmohl (Sep 26, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> Do you think she is looking for a green card?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Her family and her included all have Visas in Australia, they aren't citizens though as they have only lived in Australia for a few years and used to live in England. 

I understand financial security is important, I'll have to accept that. When we talk about the future, she says she wants to be married to me, to have children, that she loves so much and that she wants to have a family with me, etc.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I don't think the fact she is a Persian would cause her to be stereotypical of anything. She is an individual with her own thoughts and control.
Take her for who she is, not any set of assumptions based on the fact she is a Persian.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

How long have you been with her? If you have been with her a long time, I would think that she would tell you about her culture & such. I am Puerto Rican & my husband is well versed about our customs & culture.

If you love her & she loves you, what's really stopping you? If she has never given you any inclination that she wants to use you, stop polluting your mind with negativity.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

is she very religious, religion if different than yours may be an issue that pops up


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

*Howdy Nmmohl!*

Absolutely one of the things she must like about you is that you are financially stable and secure. All too often I see people here (TAM) get down on that. And it appears you may have a problem with that.

Seriously, put yourself in the position of the woman. She is looking for someone to settle with, to make a lifetime commitment, to have children and raise a family. If woman didn’t factor “financial stability” into the calculus during her evaluation of a lifelong mate . . . . well, she’d be an idiot in my book.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

do also note that by saying Persian you mean she's Iranian, that before the Ayatollah, Iran was actually a very progressive and secular nation in the middle east

her parents probably fled Iran when they had a chance


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I always wonder how realistic the Shahs of Hollywood or Sunset, whatever that reality show is called is.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> I always wonder how realistic the Shahs of Hollywood or Sunset, whatever that reality show is called is.



a very good movie (animated and adapted from a comic book) called Perseopolis goes over the culture of the more secular Iranians in a very artistic way, worth a watch


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

nmmohl said:


> I've been dating this Persian girl for over a year now and she is easily the most beautiful girl I've ever met and she's so caring, generous, nice and honest with me. We're both truly in love with each other, I've never felt this way about anyone and it she feels the same way.


DO NOT proceed!

You are in honeymoon phase (look this up and learn it WELL). DO NOT make any big life commitments before honeymoon is over. Wait AT LEAST 2-3 years. I would say living with her is also a prerequisite!

See what you relationships is like after 2 years. That's when the honeymoon sparks die down and REALITY comes out!

Why are you in such a hurry anyways? Is she pushing you? If yes, ANOTEHR red flag



nmmohl said:


> I do believe she truly loves me, but I'm just doubting myself as I plan to propose to her tomorrow, part of me believes maybe she only wants to be with me because I'm financial secure,.


BIG red flag. If you met her and showsn/flaunted your wealth....you set yourself up for failure my friend.

Hide it and act like a normal person........listen to your gut on above and talk to a lawyer about prenup.....in 2 years though.



nmmohl said:


> but at the same time, she's done a lot of romantic gestures for me, like lighting candles all over her room and spelling I love you with them for my Birthday, paying for a plane ticket and hotel room so I can stay 1 day longer with her when we first met and lastly, she was a virgin before I met her, she chose me to be her first. Not to mention her parents approved of me and I was the first guy they ever approved that she's dated.
> 
> I just need some reassurance and some background on what Persian girls are like in marriage as I can't seem to find any information on what Persians are like with marriage, if there loyal and honest, and if I should go through with it, etc.


DO NOT think with your penis. DO NOT think with your heart.

THINK WITH YOUR BRAIN.

Your brain SHOULD tell you to take time. TIME is your friend.

Right now, you are setting yourself up for failure.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How old are you two? What's the rush?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

SpinDaddy said:


> *Howdy Nmmohl!*
> 
> Absolutely one of the things she must like about you is that you are financially stable and secure. All too often I see people here (TAM) get down on that. And it appears you may have a problem with that.
> 
> Seriously, put yourself in the position of the woman. She is looking for someone to settle with, to make a lifetime commitment, to have children and raise a family. If woman didn’t factor “financial stability” into the calculus during her evaluation of a lifelong mate . . . . well, she’d be an idiot in my book.


I will take you up on that.

OP, evaluate HER financial stability and security. If it's no where near yours, GET THE HELL OUT.

You should consider above, just like ANY woman does!!!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

OP, how is her family, culturally? Are they more or less "westernized", or do they follow traditional Persian cultural norms? Culture IS something you want to factor in.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Honestly, I'd say go all in... but cautiously. Think "pre-nup".


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Honestly, I'd say go all in... but cautiously. Think "pre-nup".


Even then, now days even pre nups are not 100%


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> do also note that by saying Persian you mean she's Iranian, that before the Ayatollah, Iran was actually a very progressive and secular nation in the middle east
> 
> her parents probably fled Iran when they had a chance



Most Persians would cut your throat if you called them Iranian. I know a few and they fiercely defend their secular Persian heritage. And, most of them, if you asked them if they speak Farsi, would ruffle their feathers and tell you that they speak Dari.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

drerio said:


> Most Persians would cut your throat if you called them Iranian. I know a few and they fiercely defend their secular Persian heritage. And, most of them, if you asked them if they speak Farsi, would ruffle their feathers and tell you that they speak Dari.



It was poor syntax, I meant to write "if by Persian, you mean from Iran"


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## ellaenchanted (Sep 7, 2014)

I'm sorry if anything I say is going to be what you don't want to hear but I'm going to be real with you.... 
Persians have a very very different culture, I know that this sounds like I'm generalising, but it's for you to decide how she really is. 
I've been where you are ATM, do NOT rush. 
Sorry to break it to you but her parents only accepted you because of that green card she's gonna get once you marry her. 
And her being overly nice, caring and generous? It's all an act. 
She wants to marry you so desperately because she wants a green card. 
Don't be so naive, don't rush, don't marry her yet, one year is still the honeymoon stage until you two live together. 
Is she allowed to move in with you? 
Is she defensive of her religion? 
Does she push her beliefs into you? 
If she doesn't yet, you can answer that question in another year. 
Sorry my post is very closed minded. 
I've been there and they're different to westerners COMPLETELY. 
Think about it very well


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> And her being overly nice, caring and generous? It's all an act.
> She wants to marry you so desperately because she wants a green card.


What a pathetic assumption and accusation. WOW.

I'm Iranian (Persian). Same thing. No Iranian takes offense in being called a Persian or Iranian. They really both mean the same thing. Iran comes from the word Aryan which is the race of the original inhabitants of the 7000 year old country they decided to call "Iran". Persian comes from the word Pars which is name of the Iranian region one of the ruling empires of Iran dating back to about 3000 years ago came from.

Iranians were mostly forcefully converted to Islam as a result of the Arab invasion of 1400 years ago (shortly after Mohamed's death). Iran has always retained its sovereignty (one of the few older countries to do so since inception), but Islam has had a lot of influence on Iran's culture. Interestingly enough, Iranian culture has had a lot of influence on Islamic culture as well. Shi'ite Islam is solely kept alive because Iranians of the past centuries found it an effective way of opposing the Sunni Arab Caliphates. 

Most Iranians are spiritually rich while making fairly lousy Muslims! They pick and choose what they like to abide by when it comes to religion. That's why drinking, partying, modernism, technology and western clothing are such accepted norms among most of Iran's urban population. Public displays of certain acts are not socially acceptable (like having a bottle of Jack Daniel's while sitting on a park bench), but most of the limitations you see are imposed by the absolutely hated Islamic government that stole the revolution 35 years ago. It's a government that rules with its iron fist and that's a reality Iranians have come to endure while making the best of the situation.




Iranian culture is extremely rich in displays of emotions, art and spirituality. If you want to understand the difference between Iranian culture and Australian culture, simply compare the poetry and architecture. You'll notice a huge difference in the level of details and sophistication. Iranians add a curve and unseen details to every aspect of life. Everything has to have a deeper meaning behind it or else it is not worth having. It's a blessing and also a culprit of old cultures. Details become important. Manners take monumental levels of sophistication and words become extremely complex.

Farsi (Parsi = Persian), the official language of Iranians is full of double or triple-meaning words, slangs that just cannot be properly translated to other languages. It's the language of poetry as the rhyming potential of words is simply endless. This plays a major part in day-to-day communications and the social status people are associated with. The better your vocabulary, the more respect you can demand while holding a conversation. 

Iranians are one of the few nations who can refer to their old texts (1000 years old or older) without needing any level of translation or interpretation. A 12 year old Iranian student can grab a 1000 year old Iranian poet's book and fully understand it. That's quite fascinating.

I personally never recommend mixed-nationality marriages. It's just not a good idea to marry a person you share little childhood experiences with. It's also not a good idea to marry a person whose first language is not the same as yours. This creates problems later on. I do not know a single mixed couple who share a connection deep enough for my liking. A mixed marriage is always lacking in depth and bonding strength. But that's my opinion.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?

When you say that you are financially secure, does that mean that you have a good job? good education? Or does it mean that you are millions socked away? 

Are you a lot better off than her parent? 

Does she have a college degree, a career, etc?

The magnitude of "financially secure" does matter.


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## ellaenchanted (Sep 7, 2014)

synthetic said:


> What a pathetic assumption and accusation. WOW.
> 
> I'm Iranian (Persian). Same thing. No Iranian takes offense in being called a Persian or Iranian. They really both mean the same thing. Iran comes from the word Aryan which is the race of the original inhabitants of the 7000 year old country they decided to call "Iran". Persian comes from the word Pars which is name of the Iranian region one of the ruling empires of Iran dating back to about 3000 years ago came from.
> 
> ...



How is it pathetic? 
When it comes to relationships you need to think logically, which a lot of people fail to do, which puts them in an unhappy marriage or relationship. 
My assumption has nothing to do with her being Persian.
I'm just giving my input to the OP, they've only known each other for a year, she has no green card, and desperately wants to get married.... Red flag?? 
I'm not saying that this is the case 100%, I probably should have rephrased that to "that may be the case"


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Advisory from the Department of Obscure Cultures Dating and Marriages...

- Green Card is ALWAYS assumed to be a motive regardless of financial situation. My father in law is loaded but will always be p!ssed we did not put in the paperwork for him. It's a status symbol like an iPhone with the home crowd. 

- under ANY circumstances do not marry ANYONE unless you meet their parents and close family in their native environment. That applies to Persians, Martians, and everyone in between.

- understand that you can't undo culture. Today culture is not an issue but twenty years later when your wife turns conservative and applies her cultural yardstick to YOUR kids... 

- sex and intimacy as you get older will revert to the stereotypes you (both) grew up with in your cultures, Not what you had when you were dating and all that. 

- a culture that is "full of emotion" is also code word for "we have to fight over everything"... 

I could write a dissertation here but... As someone married to a woman from the Central Asia region (one of the -istan's) for 3 decades, I'm doing some projection here obviously but I would suggest you do NOT rush into a marriage into another culture after a year of dating only. 

The images of Tehrangeles are accurate, but tend to fade after years of marriage. Most immigrants revert more to their own culture as they get older, that's how the immigrant experience works, so make sure you understand the culture and it's implications today.


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