# Stand alone BJ request



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I typically get BJ's during sex 99% of the time without asking.
However, during her period I usually get a stand alone BJ. Sometimes I ask, sometimes she offers.

What is the proper way to ask for a stand alone BJ?

How do you girls like to be asked this?

Is there a right way? Is there a wrong way?

Keep in mind my wife is LD. I am certain you HD women could care less how you are asked. (maybe not) However, for the HD male vs. LD female, you must chose your words correctly or you're SOL.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Why is sex off the table during her period?


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

Usually if we're in bed and something hard is pressed against me I will take care of it - in any way that I can at that time. No words spoken. However, I'm HD, so....

Does she like backrubs or footrubs? Doing something affectionate for her should put her in a giving mood. 

You say you already ask...how do you do this and how is it received?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

SARAHMCD said:


> Usually if we're in bed and something hard is pressed against me I will take care of it - in any way that I can at that time. No words spoken. However, I'm HD, so....
> 
> Does she like backrubs or footrubs? Doing something affectionate for her should put her in a giving mood.
> 
> You say you already ask...how do you do this and how is it received?


I usually just say "I want a BJ tonight." She most always obliges, but the response I get is analogous to asking for a sandwich.
Not a hell of a lot of enthusiasm.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Why is sex off the table during her period?


She is early menopause and bleeds like a 70 year old on coumadin. Typically if we have period sex it's on the last days. Sometimes I just can't wait that long. Also, sometimes stand alone BJ's are just what the doctor ordered. I want them, every so often.


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

UMP said:


> I usually just say "I want a BJ tonight." She most always obliges, but the response I get is analogous to asking for a sandwich.
> Not a hell of a lot of enthusiasm.


Often women during this time of month are not feeling sexy at all. Try to put yourself in her position. If you had just eaten a huge meal and you were a bit nauseous and bloated, then your wife asked you to go down on her, knowing that you wouldn't be receiving any sexual enjoyment or relief that night yourself, how enthusiastic would you feel? 

We all want to be giving to our partners, so your first instinct is to say "I would love it!" Which you might, the first time. Think about that request multiple times. Sure, you'd do it, you love them, but doing it with great enthusiasm every time? 

You say she often offers, that you don't always have to ask even. Is this not enough?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yes I get that many, hell most men love a no strings attached BJ. I think the best way to ask for a NSA BJ is first to give her the equivalent when she isn't menstruating of course. That way when you ask for one she already knows how great it feels and will happily return the favor.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

SARAHMCD said:


> Often women during this time of month are not feeling sexy at all. Try to put yourself in her position. If you had just eaten a huge meal and you were a bit nauseous and bloated, then your wife asked you to go down on her, knowing that you wouldn't be receiving any sexual enjoyment or relief that night yourself, how enthusiastic would you feel?
> 
> We all want to be giving to our partners, so your first instinct is to say "I would love it!" Which you might, the first time. Think about that request multiple times. Sure, you'd do it, you love them, but doing it with great enthusiasm every time?
> 
> You say she often offers, that you don't always have to ask even. Is this not enough?


I would say I get a stand alone to completion BJ once a month, during her period. That's not THAT much IMO. Most of the time I have to ask, 75% of the time. She typically asks when she can tell I am going crazy. (that works out about 2 or 3 times a year, her asking)
I "wish" she would just ask, with enthusiasm.

You see, us guys love it when our penis is the end all be all.
I know it's probably wishful thinking, but there you have it, the truth.


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

UMP maybe switch up the approach to her. Instead of just saying "Hey about a BJ tonight" cause that might not be motivation for her to get going on it, try giving her a massage, give her some passionite kisses or do something for her that night that she usually does like dishes, dinner, whatever. Maybe that will get her reved up to give you some head.

Doh just saw this was in the Ladies Lounge so you prob want a womans view. Sorry Ump.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Yes I get that many, hell most men love a no strings attached BJ. I think the best way to ask for a NSA BJ is first to give her the equivalent when she isn't menstruating of course. That way when you ask for one she already knows how great it feels and will happily return the favor.


Does not that fall into the covert contract thingy??

If not, give me some examples of what I can do. Please.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I gotta go.
Going to a sporting clay shoot.

See you tomorrow. No stupid "smart phones" for UMP 

Chow!


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

UMP said:


> I typically get BJ's during sex 99% of the time without asking.
> However, during her period I usually get a stand alone BJ. Sometimes I ask, sometimes she offers.
> 
> What is the proper way to ask for a stand alone BJ?
> ...



maybe not?
I assume, by stand alone bj, you mean that instead of a mutual experience, she just blows you.

why would a HD woman want that? Unless the plan is to satisfy her later and build anticipation I'm at a loss to why anyone would want one sided sex. Unless there is some reason that she really doesn't want you touching her and/or is trying to get it over with quickly. The only reason i can think of for a "stand alone blow job", is the six week window after a baby is born, or some similar medical reason where the partner is healing.

Alternately, do many men consider a wife's request for stand alone oral? and then just walk away? seems odd to me.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

UMP said:


> Does not that fall into the covert contract thingy??
> 
> If not, give me some examples of what I can do. Please.


I don't think so but it depends on how she feels about giving NSA BJ's. There is nothing covert about quid pro quo NSA oral sex. :grin2:


It sounds like she isn't terribly enthusiastic and you're sensing it.

For me, and maybe other women, giving a BJ is erotic and it gets me aroused. If I'm aroused, I have a specific desire for that erection. From time to time going with out is okay. But regularly giving a NSA BJ would bother me, a lot!

Which is why I asked why no sex during her period. Is this how *she* feels? Are you absolutely certain? It was only within the last few years I was able to ask my H for sex during my period. I never asked because I was afraid it would gross him out. The times he wanted sex and I was menstruating, if I said " I have my period" and he backed away it meant (to me) that it grossed him out. So think again, are you CERTAIN she refuses to have sex and hates the idea of period sex?

IIRC, she refuses to talk about sex, right? The lack of enthusiasm is because she would rather have sex than give a BJ but can't ask, I bet. Taking the lead here, you sense she isn't into it, so now you have to adjust until you've figured out the puzzle.


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> For me, and maybe other women, giving a BJ is erotic and it gets me aroused. If I'm aroused, I have a specific desire for that erection. From time to time going with out is okay. But regularly giving a NSA BJ would bother me, a lot!


:iagree:


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
It depends on your relationship. Ideally each of you would be comfortable asking for what you want when you want. The other would usually agree, but no ones feeling would be hurt if they occasionally say no.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

I'd heard from several places that "men weren't supposed to ask for blowjobs".

I asked my wife if it was okay for men to ask. She said "of course, how else is she supposed to know he wants one?".

I don't actually ask, I just say "I need a blowjob". But's that's only because it's understood to be a request, just sounds sexier than saying "please can I have...."

If my wife is in the mood and time permits, I'll return the favor on the spot. 

I absolutely love it when she comes home, tells me how horny she is and tells me to "do" her. When this happens, I make a point of not expecting reciprocation. I like it being all about her. Doesn't happen often enough though.

I don't know why preparing a sandwich for someone you love who wants a sandwich would be unsatisfying if you weren't also having a sandwich.

I go get my wife a tea most every night because she wants one, she's tired, I don't mind, I like making her happy and she appreciates it. 

I don't even like tea.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm trying to imagine getting excited by hb telling me he wants a bj later. Yeah, not going to happen and he wouldn't do it.

What he would do is cuddle up to me, do a few things he knows I like, and then inform me that I need to suck his #! $#. Waaaaaay more exciting then being informed that you want a BJ later. 

No intercourse doesn't mean no pleasure for her. There are still hands and toys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

UMP said:


> I typically get BJ's during sex 99% of the time without asking.
> However, during her period I usually get a stand alone BJ. Sometimes I ask, sometimes she offers.
> 
> What is the proper way to ask for a stand alone BJ?
> ...


HD here. Not sure it matters, but you are right, I don't care how I am asked. But it is not about drive. It is about love. And I believe strongly that love means being the three big G's.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

FrenchFry said:


> Uh...because I'm not eating a sandwich?
> 
> Like, it's not that I'm mad about making the sandwich. I'll probably make a really nice technical sandwich with the right toppings.
> 
> ...


But, but, the women in porn are excited by any request no matter what they get out of it. Which is nothing.

Sorry, couldn't resist. 

I agree with you, it's one thing to ask you to do something that you get nothing out of out of love, but quite another to demand you be excited about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I really want a sandwich now.


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> I really want a sandwich now.


:rofl:


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> I agree with you, it's one thing to ask you to do something that you get nothing out of out of love, but quite another to demand you be excited about it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Who's asking her to be excited about it?

I'm not "excited" to get my wife tea.

But I'm happy to do it for her.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Buddy400 said:


> Who's asking her to be excited about it?
> 
> I'm not "excited" to get my wife tea.
> 
> But I'm happy to do it for her.


OP is asking her to be excited about it. Did I miss something?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> I really want a sandwich now.


I'm having a Cuban right now. Don't hate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> Uh...because I'm not eating a sandwich?
> 
> Like, it's not that I'm mad about making the sandwich. I'll probably make a really nice technical sandwich with the right toppings.
> 
> ...


Would you make a good technical sandwich and give a good technical blowjob?

Or would you not do either?


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> OP is asking her to be excited about it. Did I miss something?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This was his original post, didn't say anything about her not being excited enough.



UMP said:


> I typically get BJ's during sex 99% of the time without asking.
> However, during her period I usually get a stand alone BJ. Sometimes I ask, sometimes she offers.
> 
> What is the proper way to ask for a stand alone BJ?
> ...


This was his response when asked how she receives the request.



UMP said:


> I usually just say "I want a BJ tonight." She most always obliges, but the response I get is analogous to asking for a sandwich.
> Not a hell of a lot of enthusiasm.


Didn't look like his main issue was that she wasn't excited enough.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Buddy400 said:


> This was his response when asked how she receives the request.
> 
> 
> 
> Didn't look like his main issue was that she wasn't excited enough.


 It didn't?


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

UMP said:


> I typically get BJ's during sex 99% of the time without asking.
> However, during her period I usually get a stand alone BJ. Sometimes I ask, sometimes she offers.
> 
> What is the proper way to ask for a stand alone BJ?
> ...


I usually just say "Honey I'd sure like a BJ"


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Buddy400 said:


> This was his original post, didn't say anything about her not being excited enough.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It did to me. He said she almost always obliges but isn't enthusiastic enough for him so he wants to know if he can ask in a way that gets her to be enthusiastic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

Buddy400 said:


> Didn't look like his main issue was that she wasn't excited enough.


He said that she obliges when he asks. So then I couldn't understand what the problem was. He's getting what he wants already. But he came back with the comment about lack of enthusiasm so therefore the conclusion is that he either wants to figure out a way to get her to offer more often on her own or do it with more excitement.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I don't take requests for standalone bj's, and he doesn't _ever _make that request. He _always _starts out trying to get me hot and bothered so I want to have sex. If he gets a standalone bj, which he does, it's because _*I *_wanted to give him one without wanting sex for myself, like during a messy period day when I don't feel the least bit sexy. 

If he were to ask for a standalone bj, I'd probably be very reluctant and do it grudgingly because I don't like the idea of him wanting to use me to get off without caring whether I get any pleasure out of it. He doesn't want that either, since he's never asked for one in all the years that we've been having sex. Even if I make it clear that it's standalone and I don't want anything, after his orgasm he still asks what he can do for me. So his goal is never just to get a bj out of me.

It works out very well for us because he gets freely offered standalone bj's, and I never feel used or feel obligated because he never tries to push me to do it.


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## 4x4 (Apr 15, 2014)

Giving or receiving oral wasn't part of our deal with my ex since she was so inhibited. Towards the end she would do stand alone HJs and I just had to ask. The request could be in any form direct or suggestive and may not be fulfilled that instant, but it would happen. 

Personally, I wouldn't feel used if my future SO asks for unreciprocted oral. Hell, I'd just do it out of the blue from time to time because I think it's hot. Just tell them "this ones for you babe" or "you look stressed, let me help you relax" and have at it. As long as on balance my needs are being met, I have no issue with meeting my partners requests.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> It did to me. He said she almost always obliges but isn't enthusiastic enough for him so he wants to know if he can ask in a way that gets her to be enthusiastic.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe.

We'll have to wait until the OP gets back from trap shooting to find out.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> I do both.
> 
> My husband doesn't care about the technical sandwich.
> 
> He cares a great deal about the technical BJ. He no longer accepts them. He is stuck between a rock and a hard place where I will accept a request but not fake the enthusiasm and desire that he wants.


Fair enough


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

norajane said:


> If he were to ask for a standalone bj, I'd probably be very reluctant and do it grudgingly because I don't like the idea of him wanting to use me to get off without caring whether I get any pleasure out of it.


I guess it's all in the perception.

When my wife wants stand alone oral, I take that as an opportunity to give her pleasure and make her happy. I see it as a way of demonstrating my love for her, in that I am happy and willing to do something for her even though the primary focus is her.

That makes me enthusiastic. I can't imagine feeling "used" because of this. She has the same attitude. 

Now, if I always cared about her happiness and she never cared about mine, that would be a problem.

I've only been asking for blowjobs for the last couple of years. She has said that she's feeling more romantic about me than ever. I believe she enjoys being able to give me such pleasure. Previously I'd been too afraid of being vulnerable to give her many opportunities to make me happy. I'd denied her that satisfaction.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

UMP said:


> I usually just say "I want a BJ tonight." She most always obliges, but the response I get is analogous to asking for a sandwich.
> Not a hell of a lot of enthusiasm.


I'm going to come out and say this.....I'm kind of surprised by your post Ump. 

One of the comments I consistently see come from you is how much you enjoy rocking your wife's world. You've made mention of how you always have mutually satisfying sexual experiences with your wife. I've even seen you state that you'd rather have no sex over unenthusiastic (a.k.a. starfish) sex. So what gives with this post?


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

In an imaginary world, where I would date again if my wife died or left me, I think I now know what the most important question I could ask a potential spouse would be.

It would tell me everything I need to know.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

Buddy400 said:


> In an imaginary world, where I would date again if my wife died or left me, I think I now know what the most important question I could ask a potential spouse would be.
> 
> It would tell me everything I need to know.


I disagree. I think there are several scenarios where a woman may or may not be willing. And that they may change once a couple has been having a sexual relationship for some time.

A LD woman might give one and not get aroused herself. she might be content to pleasure you, but she might not. I've heard of women doing this in between sexual encounters to please a husband who wants more sex; and also women who don't do this entirely, because sex is not that important to them.

A woman with a HD might be happy to give an nsa blowjob. simply because she likes to give them. Long term though, she might find this unfulfilling. Especially if it is not reciprocated, or if there is not enough sex in the relationship.

But i do think being willing to give oral at all is a great indicator of how much someone enjoys sex.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

I don't like to be asked, I prefer to be told.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

sixty-eight said:


> I disagree. I think there are several scenarios where a woman may or may not be willing. And that they may change once a couple has been having a sexual relationship for some time.
> 
> A LD woman might give one and not get aroused herself. she might be content to pleasure you, but she might not. I've heard of women doing this in between sexual encounters to please a husband who wants more sex; and also women who don't do this entirely, because sex is not that important to them.
> 
> ...


I'm not saying that this question would tell others all they need to know.

It would tell *me* what I need to know.

Essentially, it would indicate if she is a giver or a taker.

I'm a giver and getting matched up with a pure taker would mean I'd probably be taken advantage of.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

Buddy400 said:


> I'm not saying that this question would tell others all they need to know.
> 
> It would tell *me* what I need to know.
> 
> ...


good point, i hadn't thought of that aspect. I retract my former disagreement


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

After over 30 years of begging, the BJ light went on.....Suddenly, just about every time we had sex....but the stunner was one night about 2:00 AM...she walked into my bedroom and said "You seem to be having trouble sleeping, how about a nice BJ.....Well, DUHHH....Watching TV to mind blowing orgasm in 10 minutes flat....


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

Quote:
Originally Posted by SARAHMCD View Post
Usually if we're in bed and something hard is pressed against me I will take care of it - in any way that I can at that time. No words spoken. However, I'm HD, so....

Does she like backrubs or footrubs? Doing something affectionate for her should put her in a giving mood. 

You say you already ask...how do you do this and how is it received?
I usually just say "I want a BJ tonight." She most always obliges, but the response I get is analogous to asking for a sandwich.
Not a hell of a lot of enthusiasm.


damn if my husband demanded a bj like that my response would be "and people in hell WANT ice water"


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Lila said:


> I'm going to come out and say this.....I'm kind of surprised by your post Ump.
> 
> One of the comments I consistently see come from you is how much you enjoy rocking your wife's world. You've made mention of how you always have mutually satisfying sexual experiences with your wife. I've even seen you state that you'd rather have no sex over unenthusiastic (a.k.a. starfish) sex. So what gives with this post?


Good point.
We do have mutually satisfying sex and it's honestly the best I have ever had.

The stand alone BJ kind of falls into a gray area for me. I still decline pity sex and used to decline the oil change service type BJ. However, lately I have been taking the BJ's. Either she offers or I ask. Even if I can tell she is not 100% into it, I still go ahead for a couple of reasons.

1. I love stand alone BJ's
2. The stand alone BJ is in and of itself a selfless act. Most selfless acts, in general, are for the enjoyment of the one receiving not giving. Although I know some here like SARA really enjoy giving them. I hope that practice can make my wife more like SARA in the "wanting to" department.
2. I used to be kind of quiet during them, not really showing my enthusiasm. Now I am very enthusiastic which I believe may help get her more into future ones. I figure it's a learning process for her. I am also trying to get her into cum play. Practice makes perfect.
3. These BJ's typically happen during her period, so I am really wanting sex. I do not masturbate, so that makes me even more randy for wifes BJ.
4. If I declined the stand alone BJ without 100% enthusiasm on her part, at this point, I don't think I would EVER get them.

All these points taken together move me toward accepting this "gift", because honestly it IS a gift.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

UMP said:


> All these points taken together move me toward accepting this "gift", because honestly it IS a gift.


Ump, I think you answered your own thread question. :smile2:


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Lila said:


> Ump, I think you answered your own thread question. :smile2:


You know what? I think my main problem is too much porn in my younger days. I just can't expect my wife to lust after a stand alone BJ to completion like they do in porn.
It's just not realistic.

The ONLY time my wife offers or I ask for a stand alone BJ to completion is when she is on her period. 

BTW: She has NEVER asked me for a stand alone furr munch. I would happily give her one, but if the moist tunnel is open for business, she does not want only oral, she wants it all, so that's what she gets. 

Have not read all the posts yet, having computer problems and such. Have to work....damn.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I used to turn down NSA bj's from my wife, but after a few talks about it, I never turn down her advances now. Oral has always been a part of our sex life, as has orgasm equality, but her views of it have changed significantly over the course of our relationship.

Early on, it was a you do for me, so I'll do for you kind of thing. Things started to change when we discovered that she can have orgasms through PIV, and as we have perfected that, she is multi orgasmic in virtually every encounter, and the orgasm balance is tipped heavily in her favor now in both quality and quantity. She initiates stand alone bj's a couple of times a week, usually the day after particularly intense nights before, when she is still in the orgasmic glow. For her, the stand alone bj, she gets a different kind of emotional, physical and sexual satisfaction from the mind blowing orgasm, but still intense none the less.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> For her, the stand alone bj, she gets a different kind of emotional, physical and sexual satisfaction from the mind blowing orgasm, but still intense none the less.


Not quite understanding this.
She gets an orgasm giving you a BJ ?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> For her, the stand alone bj, she gets a different kind of emotional, physical and sexual satisfaction from the mind blowing orgasm *from the night before*, but still intense none the less.





UMP said:


> Not quite understanding this.
> She gets an orgasm giving you a BJ ?


I should have been more clear...she gets intense satisfaction from giving them, just in a different way.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> I should have been more clear...she gets intense satisfaction from giving them, just in a different way.


That is the best you can hope for, which is wonderful.
Let me shake your hand, in a virtual way.:grin2:
You da man!


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

Lila said:


> Ump, I think you answered your own thread question. :smile2:





totallywarped said:


> Quote:
> Originally Posted by SARAHMCD View Post
> Usually if we're in bed and something hard is pressed against me I will take care of it - in any way that I can at that time. No words spoken. However, I'm HD, so....
> 
> ...


What works for some doesn't work for others, I guess. It also depends on what people like. My wife isn't into oral whether it's giving or receiving, so the delivery (how I ask or tell) doesn't matter much.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

norajane said:


> I don't take requests for standalone bj's, and he doesn't _ever _make that request. He _always _starts out trying to get me hot and bothered so I want to have sex. If he gets a standalone bj, which he does, it's because _*I *_wanted to give him one without wanting sex for myself, like during a messy period day when I don't feel the least bit sexy.
> 
> If he were to ask for a standalone bj, I'd probably be very reluctant and do it grudgingly because I don't like the idea of him wanting to use me to get off without caring whether I get any pleasure out of it. He doesn't want that either, since he's never asked for one in all the years that we've been having sex. Even if I make it clear that it's standalone and I don't want anything, after his orgasm he still asks what he can do for me. So his goal is never just to get a bj out of me.
> 
> It works out very well for us because he gets freely offered standalone bj's, and I never feel used or feel obligated because he never tries to push me to do it.


This is actually a great idea. The stand alone BJ to completion is ONLY when she is on her period and does not want sex, but I am going crazy. It would be a great idea if I said "hey how about I give you a back rub and you give me a BJ." 

Stupid of me not to think about this earlier. Makes sense.

BTW:
My wife gives me head almost every time we have sex. I in turn give her oral EVERY time, unless she says she might still be bleeding, and I would STILL do it, but she won't let me.
The OP is ONLY regarding stand alone to completion BJ's which only occur maybe 10-12 times per year, typically on her period.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> she gets intense satisfaction from giving them, just in a different way.


That's the case with my wife as well.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

UMP said:


> Have not read all the posts yet, having computer problems and such. Have to work....damn.


Ump, there was some discussion as to whether you were requiring your wife to be "excited" about giving nsa blowjobs.

Is that the case?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Buddy400 said:


> Ump, there was some discussion as to whether you were requiring your wife to be "excited" about giving nsa blowjobs.
> 
> Is that the case?


"Require" is too strong a word. She is giving me a gift. As with ANY gift, if you feel that the giver is reluctant and only gives you a gift (any) out of obligation or duty, it makes the gift less inviting, unless we're talking about the gift of cash$$. :grin2:

It is my hope that my wife react like "samyeagar's" spouse.

Regardless, I am not complaining. In fact, I encourage and exclaim(to her) how wonderful she is at giving them.

Regarding her actual current "excitement" in giving them?
I'm just going to shut up and enjoy, regardless.
In other words, the bottom line for me is "don't look a gift horse in the mouth" (specific to stand alone BJ's from my wife, I do NOT feel the same about accepting "duty sex")

Partially because of TAM, the future outlook of her "excitement" in giving these looks bright. TAM has made me a much better lover and husband and as "norajane" stated, it's not so much the penis but the guy behind the penis. THAT is what I am working on.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

*Resolved*



Buddy400 said:


> Who's asking her to be excited about it?





lifeistooshort said:


> It did to me. He said she almost always obliges but isn't enthusiastic enough for him so he wants to know if he can ask in a way that gets her to be enthusiastic.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





lifeistooshort said:


> OP is asking her to be excited about it. Did I miss something?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





NobodySpecial said:


> It didn't?





SARAHMCD said:


> He said that she obliges when he asks. So then I couldn't understand what the problem was. He's getting what he wants already. But he came back with the comment about lack of enthusiasm so therefore the conclusion is that he either wants to figure out a way to get her to offer more often on her own or do it with more excitement.





Buddy400 said:


> Ump, there was some discussion as to whether you were requiring your wife to be "excited" about giving nsa blowjobs.
> 
> Is that the case?





UMP said:


> "Require" is too strong a word. She is giving me a gift. As with ANY gift, if you feel that the giver is reluctant and only gives you a gift (any) out of obligation or duty, it makes the gift less inviting, unless we're talking about the gift of cash$$. :grin2:
> 
> It is my hope that my wife react like "samyeagar's" spouse.
> 
> ...


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

According to your other threads you both enjoy D/s dynamic so why don't you use it? Get close to her, run your finger slowly down her neck and cleavage while whispering softly in her ear what you want her to do next. And then give her one gentle but firm push down.


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## salespro (Jan 15, 2014)

My wife asked me what I wanted one night and a politely responsed with "Mexican food and a BJ". Her response was I guess you are going out for both.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

karole said:


> I don't like to be asked, I prefer to be told.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

UMP said:


> I am certain you HD women could care less how you are asked. .


:rofl: I loved this part of the post.

Ok I haven't read the whole thread but to answer the question: I guess for a LD and/or sexually repressed woman it may seem rude to ask for that. Maybe you could encourage the act without asking outright if you fear rejection? Theoretically, you should be able to ask for it but I know this must not be as easy as it seems, otherwise you wouldn't have posted.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Sorry misread your post. The question has already been answered! I thought she was refusing NSA BJs.


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