# How did I ever think this would work?



## christianluvsmuslim (Jun 5, 2010)

Hello All, 

I need some advice, but for the most part, I need to vent.

My H and I just spoke of divorce a few days ago, so I guess that means I'm officially seperated. To give you a brief background on us..we dated 15 years ago in high school. He was the cutest guy in my school and every girl wanted him. I ended up catching his eye and we were the perfect pair.
Our relationship didn't last long because he wanted to have sex and although I wasn't a virgin, I refused to because I didn't want that to be all our relationship was about. Plus I felt he was being pressured by his peers..So we broke up. 


I never stopped loving him, in fact, any relationship after that I found myself comparing them to him. So five years pass, I find out that he moved down south, got married, and had twin daughters (awe...). I was sad at first because I felt there would never be a chance for us to be together- and on the other hand I was happy for him. No more than 2 years after that, I ran into his Mom and she told me that he was arrested for bank robbery and was sentenced to 10 years!!! I was devestated..As much as I would have loved to contact him in prison, I respected the fact that he was married, so I occasionally would think of him, but went on with my life. 

Just last October, I happened to be getting on a bus and I saw him..OMG...my jaw dropped and my heart raced..To make a long story short, he had just got released in July and requested to be sent back to Pittsburgh. He had to do 6-9 mos in a half way house. We exchanged numbers and it was on from there! I had my own house, car, great job..I was independent for once in my life. My previous relationship was horrible and at that time, I was vowing not to get in anotehr relationship for AWHILE. 

So after a few phone calls, he invited me to breakfast. It was the most amazing date I had ever had..we reminisced..we even held hands crossing the street..the kicker was when we kissed..It felt like scene from a movie. Right after that kiss, he starts telling me about his religion..Islam..and how he doesn't want just a girlfriend, but a wife. Here, when we were kids I dreamed about being his wife, and here he is on the verge of proposing? Well, I'm Christian so it put me in a uncomfortable position. From the day forth, we continued to date, and I even starting picking him up from work and dropping him off at the half way house- just so I could see him every day. I was in love.

On Christmas day (2 mos after our reuniting) he asked my Mom & stepdad for their blessing. At this point, I still thought he was all talk. While all this was going on, my family was getting ready to go to The Bahamas and he couldn't come because he was in the halfway house-So the day before we left, he whipped out a ring and proposed to me. At this point, i started questioning my own faith..Like God, how can you allow me to love someone so deeply, why put them back into my life? Ultimately, I said 'yes' to love and "please forgive me' to God..(shame on me)


He was released the day before we got married. We had a small ceremony at the JP..and dinner w/ family at a 5 star restaurant. He moved into my house with me and my 4 yr old daughter. Life was grand. He had a decent job (for a convcited felon) and even enrolled into truck driving school. I was already in school (making Presidents List before getting married)..so we were fine.

Then, I started to notice his ego getting bigger...I mean, he just got out of prison, and transitioned into a lifestyle that some free people cant achieve..A sexy, well to do wife, a house with no mortgage, 2010 car, etc... I could tell he felt like the king of the world. This type of attitude was causing issues between us. 

We we having disagreements about everything from leaving the lights on, to switching loads of laundry..what it boiled down to was I had a certain way of doing things, and all of this was quite new to him..(He was only 19 when he got locked up). So he had an issue with me knowing more than him, or having more experience when it came to things like bills, budgeting, etc. I mean I work at a bank, and financially stable...I can't help that I'm more concious of my spending and wasting. 

Just last week we got a water bill that was astronomically high...I told him that 'we' need to be more concious of our usage during a conversation while he was on lunch. Later that night, the first thing he does is bring up that conversation, saying it couldve waited until he got home. One thing I haven't mentioned yet, is my H sees a therapist. To my knowlege he hasn't been diagnosed with anything- but he's very sensative. He personalizes everything. So when I told him about the water bill, he took offense as though I was pointing the finger. These type of conflicts come up often and he has alot of pride, and so do I. We are both stubborn and are used to having our way. 

He started saying how if our relationship doesn't work , that he can go get a studio apartment yada, yada, ya...so I fired back and said " Well, lets make it happen!" I just got so fed up..All I have done for him..how dare he try to threaten me!. I'm too strong to be manipulated by a threat. The next day, he cried and asked to stay..but by that point, I had already weighed the pros and cons. The deal breaker was the fact that he's muslim. Something tells me if he was Christian, thenm maybe I would give him abother chance. But I feel like I gave up so much in the relationship, that I shouldn't have to compromise anymore. I dropped to my knees and asked God for forgiveness. 

I feel free, but i still love him. I am hurting... We discussed the Divorce papers, and said we will split the cost. I told him he didn't have to move immediately, because I didn't want to inconvenience him. But, he packed and left 2 days ago. Since then, he has text me twice, only regarding our joint account and car insurance. I sent him a text saying how I miss him and love still love him. He told me don't send any emotional texts because he is trying to get over this. So I haven't sent hima text, or called since..and as stubborn as I am , I din't think I will unless I really have to. But I miss him!!! Why couldn't he just be a Christian? It would make our reconciliation greater..In his religion, its okay for him to marry a Christian or Jew....What do I do? What would you do? I just need to hear someone elses thoughts, other than my own.


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## bestplayer (Jan 23, 2010)

christianluvsmuslim said:


> Hello All,
> 
> I need some advice, but for the most part, I need to vent.
> 
> ...


ok you knew he was muslim before marrying him right ? How come it is a deal breaker now ?

your post is a bit confusing , what his religion has got to do with your reconciliation when you are already married to him ? I mean , why would you give him another chance if he were a christian & not a muslim ? 

btw as I dont know the other details , I too think your water bill thing could have waited until he were home , calling him up just for this issue while on lunch can be really disturbing .

Best of luck


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## christianluvsmuslim (Jun 5, 2010)

What I was saying is when I looked at the pros and cons of our relationship, the fact that he is Muslim made my decision seem like it was the best thing for both us...Maybe we would be happier with someone of the same beliefs.. When were younger, his religion never came up...He didn't become Muslim until he went to prison..

And as for the water bill, I didn't just call him about the bill..We talk everyday on his lunch. I just so happen to be going through the bills before he called. 


-christianluvsmuslim


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

My dear, I'm afraid you haven't given us any insight to the problems in your relationship that were not of your own making. I don't even see why the two of you split except to think you have some growing up to do. Well, sorry if that seems harsh, but this is all I get from the way you told your story. I also am confused and have some questions, but I think they're mostly superficial and have little to do with the issue.

What should you do? You should go and get your husband back, and then get into marriage counseling. There is absolutely nothing in your post that remotely suggests the two of you should have gotten separated and heading for divorce except your immature behavior.

Just for future reference, a grown man doesn't need his wife nagging him every time he forgets to turn off a light. He also works. Therefore, I have to assume he contributes to the household financially. He should be allowed to live comfortably. It's understandable that you are more money-conscious, but you are not his mother and it's too late to train him. 

If there is something about his behavior that contributed to the breakup, I'm afraid you failed to inform us. You only complained about him without giving us anything specific to judge or scrutinize.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I just have to say, i think its incredibly ironic that you are a banker and he was thrown in jail for robbing a bank. maybe he's simply figured out a legal way to rob the bank. does he work or pay the bills?


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## christianluvsmuslim (Jun 5, 2010)

To Susan-

Thank you for your feedback. I dont take your words as being harsh. I did want to say that I dont nag about things around the house. I've actually have bitten my tongue many times to prevent arguements/conflict. I know my post was long, and had alot of information to process. When I posted, i was typing what came to mind...I wasn't trying to make him out to be a bad guy either. We both have pride issues..and this effects our communication at times. I love him so much, that I have overlooked his religion and even compromised my own beliefs. I was so upset, that it brought that to the forfront, whereas when things were going good, religion was on the back burner, if you will. 

We have since then sat down and talked about it- and have agreed to go to counceling. 

Thanks again for your response.


And to Blanca-

Its a coincidence...Trust me, I felt weird the first time it dawned on me. He didn't know where I worked when we reunited, and on our first date he was already talking marriage. I dont plan on working in the financial industry long term..I'm going to school for computer programming, finishing up my bachelor's this year. And yes, he works fulltime and is going to school for his CDL. And we split the bills down the middle.


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