# Husband has left me with a young baby



## Becky st (Jun 7, 2018)

My husband of two years has just walked out on me and our 7 month old baby. 
He says he has had doubts about me since shortly after we got married.
I feel humiliated and unwanted. I love him so much. I adore you. I never wanted anyone but him.
How do I cope with what’s happening? 
I can’t bare to have to watch while he builds a new life without us.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Becky st said:


> My husband of two years has just walked out on me and our 7 month old baby.
> He says he has had doubts about me since shortly after we got married.
> I feel humiliated and unwanted. I love him so much. I adore you. I never wanted anyone but him.
> How do I cope with what’s happening?
> I can’t bare to have to watch while he builds a new life without us.


*You and your child need the financial support that you deserve!

You need to be in immediate dialogue with a good piranha family law attorney who can file to get you the needed child support and alimony!

Please move on and just let go of him as he has so aptly shown that he does not, in the very least, care for either of you! Why on earth should you care for someone like that?*


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

You say that you love him. Think about it for a minute. This low life has shown that he's the kind of guy that abandons his wife and infant child when they no longer suit his needs. Why would you love someone like that? I think you love what you want him to be, not what he is. Accept that he's scum. Make sure that he pays the appropriate level of child support for his child. Move on with your life.


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## Becky st (Jun 7, 2018)

He didn’t used to be this person. He’s changed a lot this year. He was a great husband and friend. I want that guy back but it doesn’t seem that he exists right now.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Most likely you're seeing the real man now and what you thought you had was an illusion. He couldn't maintain the charade under the stress of marriage and fatherhood.

A man who runs out on his baby is anything but a man, IMO.


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## Becky st (Jun 7, 2018)

He keeps saying he’s not leaving her he’s leaving me. Which just makes it more painful.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Becky st said:


> He keeps saying he’s not leaving her he’s leaving me. Which just makes it more painful.


Stop talking to him. He has nothing to say now that you want to hear. Text to know crucial parenting issues and that is all. As everyone told me, "he is showing you who he is, believe him." Move on.

Do you have a place to live? Can you afford it? Do you have an attorney yet? Do you qualify for food stamps? Do you have a job? Do you have child care? These are now your concerns.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Becky st said:


> He keeps saying he’s not leaving her he’s leaving me. Which just makes it more painful.


I'm going to guess you two are quite young and my advice is based on that assumption, if I'm wrong ignore it and move on with your life. 

His actions are those of an immature boy not a man. He's panicking because he never understood the reality of the responsibilities that come with being a husband and father. 

If he is young as I suspect you should try having a good honorable man he looks up to have a sit down discussion with him about the reality of being a man and not running away from responsibilities because he's scared. This happened with my cousin when he got married to his girlfriend he got pregnant. He freaked out because he had to drop out of college, and work to support his wife and new baby. My father sat him down and drilled into his head the responsibility of a father and husband. My cousin has now been married for 20 years has worked his ass off for many years, raised 3 great kids, youngest is heading to Yale in the fall. He has built his own business and he and his wife live a wonderful life. Without the talk he got from my father his life never would have been what it is today.


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## Becky st (Jun 7, 2018)

Hi Happyhusband2005, no we are in our thirties although I understand why his behaviour would make you think we are younger.
We’ve been together for 8 years and married for nearly three. 
I want to stop talking to him but i Feel like my life is falling apart. It’s really hard to try and let go. I’m just hoping I can convince him to come back. I know I probably can’t.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Becky st said:


> Hi Happyhusband2005, no we are in our thirties although I understand why his behaviour would make you think we are younger.
> We’ve been together for 8 years and married for nearly three.
> I want to stop talking to him but i Feel like my life is falling apart. It’s really hard to try and let go. I’m just hoping I can convince him to come back. I know I probably can’t.


Sorry Becky, Has he given you any indication as to what is really behind this? What are his 'doubts'? Were there any problems before you got married? It seems he is very immature.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"He keeps saying he’s not leaving her he’s leaving me. Which just makes it more painful." Yes he is leaving her also -- he's just saying that to be cruel.

Please look into doing the 180 to help you detach. Also, make sure you eat, exercise, and get enough sleep. Do you have family/friends/support system around you? Talk with them -- let them help you.

You love the ILLUSION of your husband, not who he really is. The mask is off and now you can see the ugliness behind it. Think about what he is doing objectively. If you heard about a man who was married for three years, and had a daughter, and just walked out of their lives, what would you think of that man?

Get a great lawyer, hit him with D papers and make sure you get all of the financial support you are entitled to. Document that fact that he walked out on your AND your child -- it will help with custody.

Sorry you are going through this...


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## Becky st (Jun 7, 2018)

[/quote]

Sorry Becky, Has he given you any indication as to what is really behind this? What are his 'doubts'? Were there any problems before you got married? It seems he is very immature.[/QUOTE]

No he can’t give me any more information than that re doubts. He’s gone through a period of depression recently. He said he didn’t love me and didn’t want to be with me. Our couples therapist thought this was likely a symptom of the depression, blaming something else for why he feels so awful. My husband now seems to think that I am the root cause of his depression and why he is so unhappy.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

I know I might get **** for this, but he is having an affair.... Snoop. you deserve to know why he is really leaving you. He has replaced you. You say it has been like a year of this? Well a yearish long affair is often the prime time for the other woman to make demands on him and hence maybe the depression started around the time he was living two lives. 

I really think there is an affair here. Hope you find the answers.


Edit: Also, the fact he just walked out means he likely has someplace to go, (other woman) and or (family/friends) which tells me he has likely been planning this for some time. He is low....dont nice him back, he does not want to come back. Let him go and I promise you will be better off.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

A couple of points here....

1. Did you BOTH plan on this pregnancy? During the whole 9 months, what was his reaction and his participation?
2. What was your history with him like before the child? Anything glaring that you want to share?
3. One of you has another partner in the wings. Which one of you is it? At 35 years old, something must be going on...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

8 years and a new baby? Suddenly a change of heart?

Yeah, affair likely.

Who cares???? He says he is LEAVING YOU, not the child. Yes, that is extremely hurtful. You are in excruciating pain.

What if I told you he has given you a blessing by leaving so soon?
What if I said there is another man that will love and appreciate you and be loyal to you?
What if I told you that you will get over this and get past it in a few months, and I'd say a 95% chance IF YOU MOVE ON, that he will come back begging for another chance? I hope you don't fall for it.

Things usually aren't so complex an average person can't figure it out. Look for the most simple explanation. An affair is that.

I know you're hurting. It will get better in a few months. 

Please. See an attorney today.


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## Becky st (Jun 7, 2018)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> A couple of points here....
> 
> 1. Did you BOTH plan on this pregnancy? During the whole 9 months, what was his reaction and his participation?
> 2. What was your history with him like before the child? Anything glaring that you want to share?
> 3. One of you has another partner in the wings. Which one of you is it? At 35 years old, something must be going on...


Yes we were both active participants when trying for our daughter. 
We had a great marriage but like anyone we were not without our smaller issues.
Neither of us have someone in the wings.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Becky st said:


> Yes we were both active participants when trying for our daughter.
> We had a great marriage but like anyone we were not without our smaller issues.
> Neither of us have someone in the wings.



You don't KNOW that. You just believe that. I hope that there is not another person. But these situations there is often another person. Does not hurt to dig.... Most of our spouses hid it for years! Mine hid it for about two years, and If i had been asked before D-day if he was cheating I would have laughed at them and asked if they had ever met my husband? Turned out I had never really met my husband, or should I say who he became. 

I have been on this site a few years and read daily even if I dont post. I have read this situation dozens of times.... There is another person.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Most people don't walk out of a marriage to be alone. There is almost always a person they are going to.

Whether or not you believe there is someone else, you need to speak to an attorney tomorrow to learn your rights. Knowledge is power.

You might be able to get a free consultation if you call around. You will feel better when you know where you and your child stand according to the laws.

Is he providing any money for your expenses or your baby's? He must, legally. Keep track of the day he left, write it on a calendar, and you can sue him for all the days he did not help with expenses until the day you divorce, and you can ask for future compensation for yourself and your child.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Never, ever believe you 100% know what your husband is capable of. You don't. Maybe he's telling the truth and maybe he isn't but he's the only one who knows for certain what's going on. Obviously you can't make a marriage work when only one person wants it to so let him go.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Sorry Becky, Has he given you any indication as to what is really behind this? What are his 'doubts'? Were there any problems before you got married? It seems he is very immature.[/QUOTE]

No he can’t give me any more information than that re doubts. He’s gone through a period of depression recently. He said he didn’t love me and didn’t want to be with me. Our couples therapist thought this was likely a symptom of the depression, blaming something else for why he feels so awful. My husband now seems to think that I am the root cause of his depression and why he is so unhappy.[/QUOTE]

You absolutely need to prepare to protect your daughter and yourself so meeting with an attorney immediately is a smart move. At the same time what is he doing about his depression. Depression is a powerful ailment that can completely change a person who is dealing with it. So as you move to protect yourself, also talk to the therapist about how serious his situation might be. While I don't at all discount the suspicion of some of the other responses I think he might need to see a psychiatrist if he has not already. He likely needs to be medicated. If the therapist is correct and this is coming from his depression this is a pretty strong action stemming from depression which would tell me it's pretty serious. 

Also other posters could very well be right and his depression could be a result of stress and conflict related to infidelity. But either way you need to protect yourself and get to the bottom of it.


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## HeartbrokenW (Sep 26, 2012)

My ex decided after 13 yrs that he didn't want to be married anymore. He swears he didn't cheat, but was living with someone a few weeks later, and was married to her just as soon as it was legal. 

Believe it.. he's most like likely cheating.

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I know you don't want to hear this right now sweetie, but any man who abandons his wife and infant daughter is a drop dead arsehole. Even if you reconciled, how could you ever trust that he wouldn't do this again?

As everyone else has suggested, see a lawyer TODAY and make sure you get all you're entitled to. He can choose to leave the marriage if that's what he wants, but he does not get a choice when it comes to supporting his daughter.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Sorry Becky, Has he given you any indication as to what is really behind this? What are his 'doubts'? Were there any problems before you got married? It seems he is very immature.[/QUOTE]

No he can’t give me any more information than that re doubts. He’s gone through a period of depression recently. He said he didn’t love me and didn’t want to be with me. Our couples therapist thought this was likely a symptom of the depression, blaming something else for why he feels so awful. My husband now seems to think that I am the root cause of his depression and why he is so unhappy.[/QUOTE]

He sounds just like my ex. Depression robs people of their feelings and they need to deal with the depression. But not only do they not have feelings for people they love anymore, if a depressed person is like my ex, he BLAMES the people he know longer "loves" for the fact that he no longer loves them. 

You can't win. You're not dealing with your husband solely here, you're dealing with a deep dark monster that robs him of all feeling, logic, and to a point, conscience. I'm all for people working out their relationships if they can, especially if small children are involved, but from my own experience, I can tell you that you didn't cause this, you can't fix it, and you can't control or influence it. I SO get your sense that he was once someone and now is someone else completely different, but it would be a really good idea for you focus on your own wellbeing and your survival. Only he can deal with his issues. I spent a long time looking for, convincing myself that there really was, the guy that was wonderful and that I loved in that shell of a body. And then I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to understand where that guy went and how he became the wrong half of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Life is too short; don't waste time like I did.


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## Becky st (Jun 7, 2018)

You were all right. There was someone else.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Becky st said:


> You were all right. There was someone else.


So sorry to hear this, Becky. Unfortunately all the signs were there. He didn't leave because of you. He left because of something inside of him that is messed up. You are right that he is not the same man he was. He has changed. Please do not try to get him to pick you. He is the one who should be begging you to take him back, not the other way around.

He is probably hoping that if it doesn't work out with this other woman that you will take him back. I recommend that you immediately start to protect yourself and your child. Buy at least one book on divorce and custody in your state and start reading. You need to know exactly what your rights and responsibilities are in this matter so you are not further hurt and taken advantage of. Once you have a good handle on things, you will know what to do. Even if you have an attorney, you don't want to waste your money asking questions of an attorney that you can find out in a book for $25. Know your rights.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Becky, you must feel devastated. It is not your fault. Now that you know for sure, don't wait another minute to go to a lawyer and find out your legal rights. If you can't afford it, call around and find a lawyer who will give you a 1 hour free consultation. You will learn a lot in one hour. Take a notebook.

If you can meet with more than 1 lawyer for free consultations, you will get more information. Call the best lawyers. Knowledge is power. You will feel better knowing your rights.

Plus, your husband won't be able to hire anyone you have already spoken with. He will have to hire someone else.

Don't stay with a man who would cheat, and abandon a wife with a baby. That is despicable behavior.

You are going to be OK.

Do you have family or friends you can call for support? Is there family you can move in with?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Becky st said:


> You were all right. There was someone else.



Becky, I am so sorry. I hate that often this is the cheaters MO, but in reality HE is a walking cliche... Which is tragically pathetic in most cases. I almost pity the dumb fool. It is you who will rise out of this. No one maintains their good reputation leaving a quality wife and an infant. 

I am so sorry. It makes no impact now on how you feel when I say things WILL get better. Give yourself this time to grieve but try to feel relief that now you know why. YOU DID NOT DO THIS. 

Please feel free to talk with us, and work through this very painful time in your life. We can help... Very big hug.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Find out who the girlfriend is.

ETA: I see you already found out.

Sorry.


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## Becky st (Jun 7, 2018)

She’s a girl from work. He is her boss. He will get fired if his work find out. He said in another world they would be perfect together. I feel like I’m dying.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Becky st said:


> She’s a girl from work. He is her boss. He will get fired if his work find out. He said in another world they would be perfect together. I feel like I’m dying.



I know... Best advice I can (IN ALL HONESTY) give you is to inform his work. He caused this...so if he were to lose his job that would be 100% his fault for having a relationship that is not allowed. And he would be able to find another job IM SURE. 

If...IF you want to reconcile the WRONG thing to do is NICE him back and NOT rock the boat. (Again, you are just gonna have to trust the collective wisdom of the site in this.) 

Nuke the affair. That is IF you want to work this out. 

If you are 100% done with him then let him keep the job and negotiate a better settlement for yourself in the divorce.... THEN blow it up after papers are signed. 

(IF IT WERE ME?? i would be done with this sorry SOB.... He is so lame. 

How did you find out? What happened the last few days?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

You do not deserve this at all and the OW has no prize... She has been boinking a married man on borrowed WORK time and now he has left his young and vulnerable wife and infant child... think about that. He is no prize... BUT HUN...YOU ARE THE PRIZE. 

A 7 month old baby is a joy. He will miss all the BEST MILESTONES! sitting up on her own. Crawling, walking.... etc. They will be all your own... and i hope you can find some comfort in that. This little girl is gonna grow up and you are gonna be her hero, not her absent and despicable father. Sperm donor.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I know how you feel, Becky, I really do. My husband wanted to leave me with 4 children 13 and under, several years ago for a serial cheater...although he didn't know he was not so "special" at the time.

Make sure you take care of yourself and your child. Eat, drink and go to the Dr. and get meds for depression, and get some sleeping pills to help you get sleep.

You will get through this. Don't beg him to come back. Don't treat him badly either. Be yourself, respect yourself. Just take care of business, based on what he has said and done.

Have you spoken to a lawyer, or lawyers yet?

ETA: My husband is very ashamed of what he did. I took him back and we are reconciled, and he has done hard work (because I will accept no less) to figure out what in him was so messed up that he would betray his vows to his wife and harm his children that way. I still have the option to leave him, 9 years later, if he doesn't keep working on his issues that plagued our marriage even before the adultery.

Find your strength.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Becky st said:


> She’s a girl from work. He is her boss. He will get fired if his work find out. He said in another world they would be perfect together. I feel like I’m dying.




Well, as always, speak with a lawyer before doing anything.


For instance, you might NOT want to notify his superiors at work that he was having a workplace affair. TAM often advises this step. But you DON'T want him unemployed, and unable to support your child. And you, if you are a SAHM.

Very sorry that you are dealing with this crappy situation.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

I am so sorry!!!

Get a lawyer. Don’t let him pacify you with nonsense. Make sure that you and your child are going to be taken care of. 

Inform his work. 

If the woman at his work is married, inform her husband. I will even suggest having a good friend of yours in formed the husband for you.

Do not trust a word out his mouth. I don’t care if it’s about your relationship or about y’all’s child. He obviously doesn’t give a **** about either. Don’t let him suck you into some sort of messed up situation that you have to deal with for the rest your life. Do not believe 100% of what he says and only believe 50% of what you see. He’s a ****ing liar. 

180. Now. Detach and control your own life again. 

Gym. 

Eat well. 

Sleep well. 

I’m sorry Becky. This **** sucks. Been here. But I will tell you and a lot of other people will tell you there IS A light at the end of this ****ing dark tunnel. So standup for yourself NOW and find the light sooner! Trust us! We know!

Sending Love. I know your pain. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Becky st (Jun 7, 2018)

Thanks all.

I would love to get him fired but he is currently paying the mortgage on our house and supporting us financially (I’m on maternity leave).

He said he has stopped whatever was going on with this woman and is now getting help from a therapist re his possible depression. 

He says he just doesn’t want to be married to me. He can’t tell me why. He just doesn’t.

Wish he had said this many years ago before we decided to bring a child into this world. I now have to try and create a new life without him while raising her on my own. It’s been two weeks and I already feel like I’m making myself ill with exhaustion. 

I have a meeting with a lawyer next week and have taken copies of all of our house deeds, his payslips etc


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Becky st said:


> Thanks all.
> 
> I would love to get him fired but he is currently paying the mortgage on our house and supporting us financially (I’m on maternity leave).
> 
> ...


The affair has not stopped.!!!! why the HELL DO YOU BELIEVE HIM? he is in save his ass mode for fear you will report it! 

OMG honey!!! WAKE UP! <3


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Becky st said:


> He says he just doesn’t want to be married to me. He can’t tell me why. He just doesn’t.


IMHO: 

He can't tell you = he's keeping his relationship with this woman on the down-low until the divorce blows over. 

For your own emotional health, please limit your contact with him to only subjects relating to the divorce. Don't let him set you back anymore.

Only he can help himself.


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## manknot (Jun 22, 2018)

he seems to have been afraid of the responsibility of being a father. but what he is doubting anyway??


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@Becky st, have you met with the lawyers yet? What did they have to say?


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