# Advice on how to handle this situation



## bhc102938 (7 mo ago)

My wife and eye were together 9 years and she said she was leaving me April 28th 2021. She left September 1st 2021. I am currently still living in the marital house, with almost everything still here. 
She has no plans of reconciliation. 
We have a young boy together. 
She is living with her parents about 15 miles down the road. 
What do I do with everything? 
I feel like I'm living in a tomb, ground zero and it still feels like day 1 here. 

Also. Should I file for a divorce? She hasn't even done that and I feel as though I'm being tortured or something 

Please advise.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I think you should make up a complete list of what is in the house, see what YOU want to keep, and mark those.
Give her the list and tell her to take what she wants, and if it is contested, you need to sit down and discuss.
Then YOU can file for divorce (NO need to wait for her -- YOU can control your life). Just make sure you talk to a lawyer FIRST before bringing it up to her -- you want to make sure you have your plans together for alimony, child support/custody, financials, house, etc.. I'm sure some of it will have to change from your ideal, but at least you will have a framework of what you'd LIKE to happen, and also what you are will to deal.
You know also that you can MOVE stuff around. The stuff you don't want -- get a storage facility and tell her that she is free to pick from anything there -- for the next X (2, 3, 5?) months, then it will be given away (that way you don't have to pay for the storage for a long time).
What were her reasons for leaving? Do YOU have primary custody of your son?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Is there possibly another man involved?


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## bhc102938 (7 mo ago)

manfromlamancha said:


> Is there possibly another man involved?


I'm not sure. She works alot as a nurse. Oddly she gained like 150 new fb friends that were all single guys around here liking her pictures. Maybe thinking to much.


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## bhc102938 (7 mo ago)

jlg07 said:


> I think you should make up a complete list of what is in the house, see what YOU want to keep, and mark those.
> Give her the list and tell her to take what she wants, and if it is contested, you need to sit down and discuss.
> Then YOU can file for divorce (NO need to wait for her -- YOU can control your life). Just make sure you talk to a lawyer FIRST before bringing it up to her -- you want to make sure you have your plans together for alimony, child support/custody, financials, house, etc.. I'm sure some of it will have to change from your ideal, but at least you will have a framework of what you'd LIKE to happen, and also what you are will to deal.
> You know also that you can MOVE stuff around. The stuff you don't want -- get a storage facility and tell her that she is free to pick from anything there -- for the next X (2, 3, 5?) months, then it will be given away (that way you don't have to pay for the storage for a long time).
> What were her reasons for leaving? Do YOU have primary custody of your son?


She said she had been wanting to leave for awhile. And he stays with her for 2 or 3 days then with me 2 or 3 days. Back and forth.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bhc102938 said:


> I'm not sure. She works alot as a nurse. Oddly she gained like 150 new fb friends that were all single guys around here liking her pictures. Maybe thinking to much.


Hmm that says a lot surely.

Have you talked to her about the next step? About collecting her things?


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Speak to a lawyer, know your rights, have her served, and gain a life.

Facebook = ****book. She is trolling for attention and likely has someone she is getting horizontal with.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

My answer:

1) Get a good divorce/family law attorney. Be thoroughly advised of your rights as they pertain to child support and custody. You say you've "been together" for nine years. Does that mean you've been married for that long? You want to get out before 10 years, because it's at that point that you can take a bigger financial hit.

2) Make a complete inventory of your possessions. Determine what you want to keep. Have your attorney advise you on the proper way to inform your wife that she has a specific deadline to go through what she wants in the house and remove it from the house. If she doesn't comply by the specified date, have a yard sale or take the stuff to local charities.

3) Get active in hobbies and sports. Work out. Run. Hike. Swim. IOW get the hell out of your house and go outdoors.

4) Decide that the marriage is toast and proceed accordingly. Chances are you wife is boinking another dude. Fine. Take back YOUR life. Seriously.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

You should certainly hire a divorce attorney. Inventory the house. Make sure you documented she has left. Have the attorney file for exclusive use of the home since she left and you do not want her moving back. I hear what you say a divorce being torture its like reliving the same funeral over and over day after day. Understand that the best divorce attorneys in almost all areas generally know one another and this can be beneficial at reaching a settlement just make sure you have one of them.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

bhc102938 said:


> My wife and eye were together 9 years and she said she was leaving me April 28th 2021. She left September 1st 2021. I am currently still living in the marital house, with almost everything still here.
> She has no plans of reconciliation.
> We have a young boy together.
> She is living with her parents about 15 miles down the road.
> ...


Yes, of course file for divorce. She moved on. Talk to her or her parents and tell them you are moving on too. Have them move her stuff out and the make a clean brake be the best parent you can be and start over. I'm sorry OP but it's been over a year. You have put your life on hold enough.

Finally don't buy her act if she suddenly decides that the consequences are too much. There is no hope with someone like that all they are is a pain trap.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

bhc102938 said:


> She said she had been wanting to leave for awhile. And he stays with her for 2 or 3 days then with me 2 or 3 days. Back and forth.


Get that custody nailed down asap AND DOCUMENT it. You don't want her all of a sudden in the divorce saying that you never take care of him.....

And yes, I bet there is another man involved here, sorry to say. I don't know if you still have access to her phone records, but it may reveal something to you...


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Honestly asking OP.

Why haven't you already filed?


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Why are you asking us and not her? Specifically why she hasn’t filed for divorce and what to do with her stuff. She’s the only person who knows the answers.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

bhc102938 said:


> I'm not sure. She works alot as a nurse. Oddly she gained like 150 new fb friends that were all single guys around here liking her pictures. Maybe thinking to much.


If this is the case, how could you not suspect this straight away and start investigating??? Also why are you not just asking her outright to get her stuff and get the divorce rolling. She is almost certainly getting attention from these "new" guy friends. 150 single guys liking her pictures!!!! Wow! Talk about red flags, warning bells etc


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

File for divorce.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

Oddly she gained like 150 new fb friends that were all single guys around here liking her pictures. 










Dude - I don't think you realize what is coming -


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

bhc102938 said:


> I'm not sure. She works alot as a nurse. Oddly she gained like 150 new fb friends that were all single guys around here liking her pictures. Maybe thinking to much.


150 single guys in the area and all liking her pictures. They may not be your permanent replacements but they are interested in bedding her at the very least.

There is nothing odd about it. She put herself back on the market.

No interest in reconciliation with you as she has at least 150 reasons not to.

File for divorce and do not take her back.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

It sound slike you wife has decided she wants to be single again with no responsibilities, you leaves you burden with everything, including the burden of filing for divorce. Sorry that you find her yourself here but one of you has to be the grown up and it will have to be you. Yes you need to move this process along...you don't have to mean about you can inform her that you need to move on with your life as she has and that you will be filing for divorce. I would assume that she is dating....not sure if that was the main cause but i would definitely speak to a lawyer first to get a sense of your options including potential abandonment.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why would she get 150 individual males suddenly finding out about her and liking her pictures? 🤔 

This sounds suspicious to me. Has someone shared her status, newly single nurse on the prowl?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

bhc102938 said:


> I'm not sure. She works alot as a nurse. Oddly she gained like 150 new fb friends that were all single guys around here liking her pictures. Maybe thinking to much.


And that doesn't even matter at this stage. She's made her position very, very clear.

Get a jump start now now now on divorcing and getting on with your life. Get the house sold or buy her out or whatever. 

Concentrate on what's best for you now.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

OP, I can't really understand why after all this time you haven't served her with divorce papers, why? What is it that you 're waiting for? are you just pathetically waiting "in hopium" for the possibility of her coming back?

Has you at least consulted with a lawyer or two to check what's legally at stake here for you? or are you just waiting for her to drop the hammer on you and take you to the cleaners?

No wonder why you're feeling like you're feeling:



bhc102938 said:


> ike I'm living in a tomb, ground zero and it still feels like day 1 here.


You're feeling that way because you didn't pull yourself together and have the fortitude and self respect to immediately send her divorce papers after she moved out, instead; you have been keeping yourself frozen in fear waiting for her next move. That's a pathetic way to live dude. Get over it already, Serve her with the divorce papers and don't look back, other than child care communications (should be strictly by text or a co-parenting app). Your lawyer can tell you how to dispose of her belongings. She abandoned the home and it's been some time, so follow his/her directives.


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