# So Confused....



## AMDavis (Oct 8, 2012)

Okay, so just a quick background. My husband and I met in Oct. 2010. We had a whirlwind romance. Everything felt so right, even though it was all so fast. We moved in together officially in Feb. He recieved orders to NC (we were living in CA) in APR. I planned on moving with him, seeing as we were in love, and living together. The only discussions we had ever had regarding marriage had to do with him not wanting to remarry. And I was okay with that. I was happy with us just being together happy. A peice of paper and a ring on my finger did not change how we felt. So to my surprise, he proposed in August of 2011. He even had made an appointment for a week later to get our marriage license. So, going with the rest of our relationship, we got married fast too. LOL. A month later, we embarked on our cross country trip to NC. We had already planned on traveling for about a month visiting family, so it made a great honeymoon. 

We arrived in NC in OCT of 2011. His mom decided to move out there too... yeah... anyways, we had a lot of issues between his mom and I, power struggles I guess you could call it, until she finally got her own apt in Feb. This caused a lot of issues with his family not liking me, a lot of stress in the marriage, as I am sure you can imagine. So at the end of May, my husband decided he wanted a divorce. 3 days later, I had a moving truck, and was headed home to Illinois to live with my mom. We were not very nice to eachother at first. Kinda those moments where you just want to piss eachother off as much as possible, and we did a good job at that. We talked via email, and it was always very business like. Only important things dealing with the divorce. Separation agreement, I needed a new ID, etc... in July one of those conversations turned to him asking me how things were going. I really didn't want him to know much about my life at the time, so I kept it short, and just said good and busy with no real details. He gave me a rundown on how his kids were doing in school, how work was going, and really went into detail but nothing ever came of it. 

Now we have been separated for 5 months, and a week ago, I lost my military ID. I needed him to send me a form to get a new one. So, I emailed him. And this time, we talked. Really talked. Then he texted me while I was at work, and we ended up talking on the phone for 5 hours the next day. We decided to give reconciliation a shot. We are going to try to save our marriage. The only thing I have wanted since the day I met him was to be with him forever, and I might finally have my chance. 

So the downside, and the thing that is making me think this might not be a great situation... We are currently 986 miles apart. Which I know we can deal with, technology is a great thing, and its only a 2 hour flight. I have a career again, and I am scared to give it up for him to move back to NC. I Did that once, and was left with nothing in the end. The biggest factor is our families. His has never been my biggest fan, and that was part of our issue before. I never felt he was standing by me when they were not being nice... not that i didn't deserve some of it, but I felt he should have stood up for me more. My family always loved him, until the separation. My mom who is my best friend, told me I could move home, as long as I wasn't going to run back to him. I feel like my mom is going to be so disappointed in me. I was finally moving forward, and now I don't know what to do. we have talked about the need to stand by eachother when we decide to tell our families, and that it is going to be like walking through fire for awhile. We are both aware that we will have little support in our decision from anyone, and know that will be tough. he says he is willing to go through it all to be with me.

So now I am confused. I love my husband, but I am so scared that if we decide in a few months to move me back, that this could happen again, and then I will have no one to turn to. My family will not take me back into their home another time for the same thing. My mom would make that clear before I left. So I just really need some advice on how to deal with all of this, when I can't tell my mom everything, and I don't know what is the right thing to do. I truly believe that marriage is sacred, but I also believe in history repeats itself...


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## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

When a man marries, he leaves his family for the one he creates. Same thing for the woman. I learned the lesson far too late. I left my family, my wife did not. I compromised and compromised. Now i am getting divorced and my ***** of a MIL, still has her hooks in my wife. BOUNDARIES!...Your H and MIL, need to learn them before any reconciliation takes place....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AMDavis (Oct 8, 2012)

My husband has told me that he doesn't care what his Mom or brothers or sister think anymore. He will stand by my side. Which is great to hear, but I am scared that words are words... actions are a whole other story, and I won't get to see those actions until we announce a reconciliation... I do know that while his mom is still involved in his life, she isn't there 24/7 anymore, and he has grown up and started taking care of things on his own.


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