# How to tell best friend that I won't support her cheating on her husband?



## angelfire77 (Jan 13, 2021)

Good afternoon!

Happy New Year! So my best friend of 18 years has been cheating on her husband. About 2-3 years ago, she confided in me that she's been unhappy in her marriage (married for 7 years). I don't know her husband well, but as far as she's told me, he's verbally abusive, neglects her, and dismisses her concerns, yet, he still supports her financially. They do not live together and she feels like she cannot support herself without a man (she doesn't work and is unable to drive, and has very overbearing and needy parents). At first, she just flirted with other men, which I didn't feel quite right about, but I told myself it was her life and she wasn't really cheating, so I stayed out of it. 

Then, about 2 years ago, she met another man, and she says he knows she is married. They've been seeing/talking to each other frequently. She's told me she was planning on divorcing her husband, and that her and the OM are in love. Unfortunately, for awhile I was enabling and covering for her, mostly because I was scared of losing her friendship and at the time, was too scared to stand up for myself. She used to ask me to pick her up and drop her off while she went to see the OM, so that her parents/husband thought she was with me. I stopped doing that after a couple of times because it just made me feel awful. 

That was about a year ago, and she is still seeing both of them, and I feel like she's being incredibly selfish in leading the OM on. I'm not sure how much her husband knows, but she's said he made comments like "so you're gonna go see your boyfriend now?" before he drops her off somewhere. It's to the point where I'm no longer comfortable hearing her talk and complain about them. I don't necessarily want to drop her as a friend, as she has always been there for me and she's never tried to influence me into cheating on any of my SOs. Unfortunately, it's also caused a little friction with my boyfriend, who's vehemently against cheating and doesn't agree with me being friends with a cheater.

What would your advice be in this situation? What would you do if you knew your best friend was cheating?

Thanks all!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I would tell your friend you will not support her in any way for her cheating, and that you don't want to hear about her relationships anymore since YOU do not like that she is cheating. You can talk about other things if you want, but NOTHING to do with her cheating. 
How often do you see/hang out with her? How often do you talk?

The reality is your BF SHOULD be pissed because you have already helped enable her affair.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Both men know about the other, there's no deception, not seeing a problem here.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

angelfire77 said:


> Good afternoon!
> 
> Happy New Year! So my best friend of 18 years has been cheating on her husband. About 2-3 years ago, she confided in me that she's been unhappy in her marriage (married for 7 years). I don't know her husband well, but as far as she's told me, he's verbally abusive, neglects her, and dismisses her concerns, yet, he still supports her financially. They do not live together and she feels like she cannot support herself without a man (she doesn't work and is unable to drive, and has very overbearing and needy parents). At first, she just flirted with other men, which I didn't feel quite right about, but I told myself it was her life and she wasn't really cheating, so I stayed out of it.
> 
> ...


I agree with your boyfriend, she is a liar and a cheat and you need to tell her that you can no longer support her cheating. She is probably lying about her husband as well, cheaters always blame their spouses for their affairs. If she takes offense an cuts you off, then what sort of a friend does that make her?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Trident said:


> Both men know about the other, there's no deception, not seeing a problem here.


So she says, cheaters lie.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

angelfire77 said:


> Good afternoon!
> 
> Happy New Year! So my best friend of 18 years has been cheating on her husband. About 2-3 years ago, she confided in me that she's been unhappy in her marriage (married for 7 years). I don't know her husband well, but as far as she's told me, he's verbally abusive, neglects her, and dismisses her concerns, yet, he still supports her financially. They do not live together and she feels like she cannot support herself without a man (she doesn't work and is unable to drive, and has very overbearing and needy parents). At first, she just flirted with other men, which I didn't feel quite right about, but I told myself it was her life and she wasn't really cheating, so I stayed out of it.
> 
> ...


Why would you trust someone like that to be your friend? If that is the way she treats her husband why do you assume she will treat you any better?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

angelfire77 said:


> I don't know her husband well, but as far as she's told me, he's verbally abusive, neglects her, and dismisses her concerns, yet, he still supports her financially. They do not live together and she feels like she cannot support herself without a man (she doesn't work and is unable to drive, and has very overbearing and needy parents).


I would like you to explain ^^this.^^ She doesn't live with her husband, but he supports financially? From what you've said thus far, it sounds like your friend is not only a cheater, but she's a freeloader too.

My advice: Find a new friend. Seriously.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

If you’ve been friends for 18 years, I would just slowly fade, and probably not even explain myself. You may still be friends for another 18 years, but for now you can’t be. That’s ok, friendships have distant periods and can pick up again later. Your boyfriend is right, this is important to him and it will affect your future together and whether he will safe and secure with you. 

She’s not going to take any explanation very well right now, you just focus to your own needs and listen your boyfriend. There are already 3 people involved and you’ve lost your friend a while ago anyway. 

I say slow fade, make yourself busy and unavailable. Offer nothing If she asks if something’s up, or asks why you haven’t return calls other than, ‘sorry! I had to go, I’ll call you when I can’. All she will want now is validation, enabling, positive reinforcement and an ear to listen alllll the time - she’s not interested in what you have to say, just what you can give her. She doesn’t want to hear why you can’t be there or support her, she will make you feel bad for her feelings. 

Your feelings matter now, and your boyfriends. Don’t even worry about the husband or OM, I’m sure they have cheer squads and shoulders to cry on.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

angelfire77 said:


> Good afternoon!
> 
> Happy New Year! So my best friend of 18 years has been cheating on her husband. About 2-3 years ago, she confided in me that she's been unhappy in her marriage (married for 7 years)*. I don't know her husband well, but as far as she's told me, he's verbally abusive, neglects her, and dismisses her concerns, **yet, he still supports her financially.* They do not live together and she feels like she cannot support herself without a man (she doesn't work and is unable to drive, and has very overbearing and needy parents). At first, she just flirted with other men, which I didn't feel quite right about, but I told myself it was her life and she wasn't really cheating, so I stayed out of it.
> 
> ...


)*. I don't know her husband well, but as far as she's told me, he's verbally abusive, neglects her, and dismisses her concerns,*

So says every cheating woman in the history of mankind.
Verbally abusive—- translation: He yells at me when he knows I’ve been banging other dudes and spends his hard earned money on hotels and gifts for Jody”. 

Neglects her. Translation: He works his ass off all the time to support us, and comes home tired and just wants to relax. He doesn’t talk to me, and when I ask him to rub my back, he even has the nerve to ask ME to run his. And he gives me the silent treatment when he finds Jody has drank his last beer or leaves the toilet up or condoms in the trash can in the bathroom.

Dismisses her concerns: Translation: when she wants more money for hotels or gifts for the OM, he’s like- nah, while I’ve been at work you haven’t cleaned house or cooked a meal on a weekday that ends
with a Y since last year, we will be ok without x, y, z or other frivolous nonsense.

HE STILL SEES SHE IS TAKEN CARE OF, in spite of the fact she’s moved out to date and have sex with other men.

I think your friend is a liar, and a cheater, of the worst variety. She’s also lazy and has no intention of working to support herself.
And YOU are just letting her USE you as well. Likely a narcissist.

You should ditch her.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

angelfire77 said:


> It's to the point where I'm no longer comfortable hearing her talk and complain about them. I don't necessarily want to drop her as a friend, as she has always been there for me ..


Throwing this out there... might not be what I actually would do, but hey, it's a theory to offer you.

'Hey friend, I'm no longer comfortable hearing you talk of and complain about your relationships. While I have valued our friendship, this is impacting me.'

Stop talking. Wait for her to respond. It could provide an open dialogue between you.

And it may be that you are not what one another needs at the moment. 

At the very least, you have demonstrated honesty to yourself - and to a long standing friendship - by expressing this.


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## angelfire77 (Jan 13, 2021)

Thank you all for your responses. Just to clarify, I don’t believe her husband knows that she has been actively cheating. But he definitely suspects it. They also haven’t lived together since they were married. He lives alone and she lives with her parents.

He’s asked her to move in with him, but her response was that he was always working and she would just be left home all alone. So he picks her up twice a week to get groceries and take her shopping and grab dinner. And he gives her money and a credit card for her to buy necessities.

She claims to have told the OM her situation and as far as I know, she’s told him she cannot divorce her husband yet and he’s waiting for her to do so.

I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable just fading her out, but I would definitely say something to her. And yes, if she does take offense and stops talking to me, then I’ve learned who she really is. I just want to say it in a way that’s not too harsh, but gets the point across.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I feel sorry for her “husband” that was never even good enough for his wife to even live with. But let’s face it, he is choosing to live like this, he knows she’s cheating. This is a very strange relationship. Your friend is not very impressive. Surely you realize she is a user.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> So says every cheating woman in the history of mankind.


Correct.



angelfire77 said:


> she doesn't work and is unable to drive, and has very overbearing and needy parents





Prodigal said:


> your friend is not only a cheater, but she's a freeloader too.





Evinrude58 said:


> Surely you realize she is a user.


The apple don't fall far from the tree, does it ? She is using you. Her parents are using her.

This woman needs to get her priorities in order. 1) drive; 2) work; 3) be WIFE according to the vows she took; 4) using about 1% of her disposable time, cater to her parents. 1/2 hour,, once a month, MAX

Surely you can find another couple of people with upright morals to be your friends. Cross her off.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

angelfire77 said:


> Good afternoon!
> 
> Happy New Year! So my best friend of 18 years has been cheating on her husband. About 2-3 years ago, she confided in me that she's been unhappy in her marriage (married for 7 years). I don't know her husband well, but as far as she's told me, he's verbally abusive, neglects her, and dismisses her concerns, yet, he still supports her financially. They do not live together and she feels like she cannot support herself without a man (she doesn't work and is unable to drive, and has very overbearing and needy parents). At first, she just flirted with other men, which I didn't feel quite right about, but I told myself it was her life and she wasn't really cheating, so I stayed out of it.
> 
> ...


I would just tell your friend over lunch the truth, that you don't want to enable her anymore. What she does is her choice, but you don't want to be dragged into it. If she can respect those boundaries, you can keep your friend, but if she baits you into continuing to help her, then it's time to say goodbye. 

Also, I understand your bf's POV, but he has no right to tell you/convince you not to be friends with this person. He may feel that you would act the same way, but that's not necessarily the case. It's her life at the end of the day. However, your friend's whole story sounds off. I find it hard to believe her husband would be ok with her "boyfriend". Can you be sure he is okay with it? Has your friend showed you texts? Also, they are not living together, why not?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I bet you he is cheating on her too. I mean if they don’t even live together what do you think he’s doing? 
I don’t think he is as dumb you think.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

"Dear Friend, I can no longer emotionally support or encourage your infidelity. I know your marriage is strange and not living together is unusual, but you made a commitment to love one man, and I just can't watch you break your promises, nor can I condone it. If that's who you want to be, I can't stop you, but I also can choose to stop supporting you. So I'm letting you know now that I love you and I want the best for you, but I personally believe 'the best' would include becoming an honorable, honest, trustworthy, ethical, respectable, moral woman. I know you CAN be that woman, and that is who I will encourage you to be from this moment forward."


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## angelfire77 (Jan 13, 2021)

I agree that it’s a very strange situation! She hasn’t asked me to “help” her in a long time. But she has hinted at it once the pandemic is over, but I haven’t responded to her requests. I guess I thought I was helping her out of a bad marriage, but she’s continuing to spend time with her husband and she still has no plans to move forward with her divorce. Ironically, the OM was separated when they met, and she’s convinced him to push his divorce through for her.

Yes, her parents definitely use her and there have been plenty of moments where she has used me, as well. But she’s always lent me an ear and offered support whenever I was going through a hard time, and we genuinely have a good time together. 

As for a PP’s question, we talk a few times a week and I haven’t seen her since the pandemic started, so it’s been almost a year. My boyfriend hasn’t asked me to stop being friends with her, but he did express discomfort that I was friends with a cheater and has said he doesn’t want to meet her. He believes that your closest friends tell a lot about you.

I’m not sure if her husband is okay with the whole thing, but she has seen him flirting with other women over social media. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s also cheating, but I’ll never know for sure.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

angelfire77 said:


> They also haven’t lived together since they were married. He lives alone and she lives with her parents.


What the hell is that about?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

The question is... do you want to keep her friendship? If you do, just tell her you don’t feel comfortable knowing about this cheating situation, and you don’t want any part of it bc you think cheating is morally wrong in any circumstance. 

Personally, I would expect my best friend to support me and only me, and she doesn’t have to agree with my behavior. I expect my best friends not to judge me. If they don’t agree with me they can tell me once and that’s it.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So your friend and her H have NEVER lived together as H/W? She continued to live with her parents and he lives by himself? They grab dinner every now and again, and he buys her groceries?

OK, pretty much the strangest marriage I've heard of.
WHY did they bother getting married or continue to stay married? Does she have ANY reason (other than he buys her groceries) to stay married? And HIM -- I have NO idea why he didn't just divorce or annul the wedding when she wouldn't move in.

It sounds like they are dating, and not very much even that. Sounds like she spends more time with her AP than with the H by FAR.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

angelfire77 said:


> she’s continuing to spend time with her husband and she still has no plans to move forward with her divorce. Ironically, the OM was separated when they met, and she’s convinced him to push his divorce through for her.


So she's hanging onto her current source of income, but hoping to leech on the OM we he's free to be her latest victim. What particular talent(s) does this woman possess that would make these men just let her use them? BTW, she learned how to do this and be this way from her parents. Talk about the fruit not falling far from the tree ...



angelfire77 said:


> there have been plenty of moments where she has used me, as well. But she’s always lent me an ear and offered support whenever I was going through a hard time, and we genuinely have a good time together.


Well, I hope allowing yourself to be used by this "friend" is worth all the support and good times. I bet you could find someone else to be a friend who would meet your needs - and they'd actually possess a moral compass. I'd dump this chick like toxic waste. Why? Because her lending you an ear and support comes at a ridiculously high price. And I doubt she'd be such a good "friend" if she wasn't getting something out of you she wanted.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> )*. I don't know her husband well, but as far as she's told me, he's verbally abusive, neglects her, and dismisses her concerns,*
> 
> So says every cheating woman in the history of mankind.
> Verbally abusive—- translation: He yells at me when he knows I’ve been banging other dudes and spends his hard earned money on hotels and gifts for Jody”.
> ...


This ^^^^^^^^^


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Luckylucky said:


> If you’ve been friends for 18 years, I would just slowly fade, and probably not even explain myself. You may still be friends for another 18 years, but for now you can’t be. That’s ok, friendships have distant periods and can pick up again later. Your boyfriend is right, this is important to him and it will affect your future together and whether he will safe and secure with you.
> 
> She’s not going to take any explanation very well right now, you just focus to your own needs and listen your boyfriend. There are already 3 people involved and you’ve lost your friend a while ago anyway.
> 
> I say slow fade, make yourself busy and unavailable. Offer nothing If she asks if something’s up, or asks why you haven’t return calls other than, ‘sorry! I had to go, I’ll call you when I can’. All she will want now is validation, enabling, positive reinforcement and an ear to listen alllll the time - she’s not interested in what you have to say, just what you can give her. She doesn’t want to hear why you can’t be there or support her, she will make you feel bad for her feelings.


I agree with the above, no need for explanations or formal break ups here - just go in about your business and don’t worry about her disordered and dysfunctional life. 

I am 56 years old and have never once broken up with a friend or acquaintance, nor had anyone ever break up with me. 

People simply stopped contacting each other or or stopped doing things with each other.

You can do the same. Simply disengage and go on about your business and if she calls you up wanting to vent on you, simply be unavailable at that time.. and then the next time... and then the next time and so on.

It sounds like she needs a lot of support and validation and needs to suck time and energy out of people so once she doesn’t get that from you, she will quickly move on to the next victim and you will be yesterday’s news.


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## angelfire77 (Jan 13, 2021)

Thank you all for the responses, again. You've made me think a lot about our friendship. I'm thinking of sending a text to her like this. This would be in response to her saying she's incredibly stressed out with fighting with the OM (because he's impatient that she isn't getting divorced) and her husband.

"Hey (name), please take care of yourself. This whole thing with (husband) and (OM) is really taking a toll on you. You probably don't want to hear this, but I really think you need to make a choice between them, or get rid of them both. I know you're in a tough situation but I can't support you continuing to be with (OM) while still married to (husband), anymore. I only say this out of love and I honestly want what's best for you, and I hope you'll make the best choice for yourself."

Thoughts? I know it's a snowballs' chance in Hell that she'll become reformed and change her ways, but while I've told her that I don't condone it and have encouraged her to get a divorce if she isn't happy, I don't think I've ever made it clear that I flat out don't support this.

You guys are awesome. Thanks for the new perspective on things, it's making me think back to our friendship as a whole.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

That they have been married seven years and never lived together is beyond bizarre. Your friend is a user, she uses her husband for financial security, she uses her lover for sex, she uses you as a confidant and as an enabeler. What does she ever give back to anyone? 

A good thing about life is you can pick your friends, you may claim she is a good person or a good friend but she is not. She is a predator, she is a master minipulator and you are just another game piece to her.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

angelfire77 said:


> "Hey (name), please take care of yourself. This whole thing with (husband) and (OM) is really taking a toll on you. You probably don't want to hear this, but I really think you need to make a choice between them, or get rid of them both. I know you're in a tough situation but I can't support you continuing to be with (OM) while still married to (husband), anymore. I only say this out of love and I honestly want what's best for you, and I hope you'll make the best choice for yourself."
> 
> Thoughts? I know it's a snowballs' chance in Hell that she'll become reformed and change her ways, but while I've told her that I don't condone it and have encouraged her to get a divorce if she isn't happy, I don't think I've ever made it clear that I flat out don't support this.


There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with your message to her.

But didn’t you mention that the dog needs brushed or the cat box emptied? Doesn’t your car need vacuuming? When was the last time you clipped your toenails? 

Those things should be much higher on your priority list than telling a grownass woman that you don’t want to be part of her affair and her self-imposed drama and chaos. 

As I and some of the other posters have said, you don’t need to explain things to her. All you do when you explain this is give her more centrality and more attention and more ego strokes. 

She is an emotional vampire and thrives by sucking attention and drama out of people. 

Reorganizing your shoe rack in the back of the closet will have a much greater return on your investment of time and energy than trying to explain to an adult, married woman why you don’t support adultery.


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## nypsychnurse (Jan 13, 2019)

Like attracts Like...why wouldn't your bf be upset...are you next? It says a lot about your character if you continue to support her...if you are not ok with it...take a stand!

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You should tell her if she's got a bad marriage, she should end it, not cheat and that you don't want to hear anything more about her cheating because you don't think it's right. I had to drop a friend for that in the last few years, a 64 year old attention-addict woman who couldn't keep it in her pants and was going after everyone she could think of with her husband home with cancer, which had been going on several years, so I get it's been a strain. But I know her too well and it's all about her attention seeking which is a lot harder now she's old. She was at the point she'd go after anyone I mentioned in passing, just any excuse to contact someone, married or not. So I wrote her an e-mail, hoped for a good outcome where she said, You're right, I'm just miserable, but instead she just went off at me. So I ended it.


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## Nic21 (Jan 15, 2021)

Why would you send her a text, isn't it better to see her in person if you've had a friendship for so long? 
How is she using you? How long has she been using you for? 
Id just be honest, if it's causing you problems with your relationship then that's what it is, including you not liking it.. Any decent person would understand their friend not wanting to be in that situation, it's a burden plus unfair. 

Is she normally trustworthy, has it all come about since this new person? Id like to believe she's not lying if he has been a horrible husband, that it pushed her.. Rather than making it up to excuse her cheating.. you're the best judge of her telling the truth though, another reason why I prefer seeing ppl face to face when you ask them something. 
All in all, if she's lost confidence and doesn't know how to cope on her own that's one thing, using this husband to fund herself is another.. Again. You're the best judge on that, how good a friend she's been overall (no one is perfect, is this one mistake or one in a long line of mistake?) . She seems to have a roof over her head, it's not like she'd be homeless if she gets a divorce. I can't see how living apart works long term, for either of them. Imo she needs to be alone for a bit to get herself right again before she ends up with no one, inc you.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

She’s living with her parents too right? Looks like she has more support than most people.

She’s got a husband a boyfriend and parents and you, all taking great care of her. Why should she change, or hear what you think?

If you care for her like you say you do, the best, kindest thing you can do for her is to be the first one to walk away. This will help her in more ways than you know.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I would love to see this stunner.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

angelfire77 said:


> Good afternoon!
> 
> Happy New Year! So my best friend of 18 years has been cheating on her husband. About 2-3 years ago, she confided in me that she's been unhappy in her marriage (married for 7 years). I don't know her husband well, but as far as she's told me, he's verbally abusive, neglects her, and dismisses her concerns, yet, he still supports her financially. They do not live together and she feels like she cannot support herself without a man (she doesn't work and is unable to drive, and has very overbearing and needy parents). At first, she just flirted with other men, which I didn't feel quite right about, but I told myself it was her life and she wasn't really cheating, so I stayed out of it.
> 
> ...


Let her divorce her husband. I have a feeling that new relationship won't last very long.


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## XoLynn (Jan 16, 2021)

angelfire77 said:


> Good afternoon!
> 
> Happy New Year! So my best friend of 18 years has been cheating on her husband. About 2-3 years ago, she confided in me that she's been unhappy in her marriage (married for 7 years). I don't know her husband well, but as far as she's told me, he's verbally abusive, neglects her, and dismisses her concerns, yet, he still supports her financially. They do not live together and she feels like she cannot support herself without a man (she doesn't work and is unable to drive, and has very overbearing and needy parents). At first, she just flirted with other men, which I didn't feel quite right about, but I told myself it was her life and she wasn't really cheating, so I stayed out of it.
> 
> ...


I just cut off my “best friend” she screams at the rooftops how she’ll cheat on her man at the drop of a dime, she talks **** about me and my marriage meanwhile her baby daddy uses her for her good credit. How dare the broad 🙄 she’s honestly lucky I’m pregnant because I’d def punch her into a pole


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

angelfire77 said:


> You probably don't want to hear this, but I really think you need to make a choice between them, or get rid of them both.


I don't think you should say that...it sounds virtue signaling. It's really not your business or place to say it.


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## angelfire77 (Jan 13, 2021)

Thanks for all the new responses. I appreciate all the feedback. I've decided to distance myself from her...she knows what she's doing wrong and doesn't need me to tell her. Just going to gradually lessen communication.

In response to some previous posts, I haven't seen her since the pandemic began (so almost a year), and she won't see me in person because I work full-time in a hospital. So our correspondences have been all over text, we don't really talk on the phone either. And it didn't seem likely that I would see her in person anytime soon.

As far as using me, she's used me before as an excuse to see her boyfriend, so her parents/husband would think she was with me since I picked her up and dropped her off. I initially did this because I thought I was helping her out of a bad marriage...but I stopped after a few times when it became clear that she didn't have any solid plans to leave her husband, other than just talking about it. Many times when I meet with her, it's because she needs to run an errand or go shopping. But not all times, sometimes we did just hang out to chat and get out of the house for a bit.

As far as mistakes go, I don't feel like this is her first mistake. When she first married her husband, she somehow talked him out of seeing his son from his first marriage, out of seeing most of his friends (she had 5 bridesmaids at the wedding and he had one groomsman/best man). Her husband's complaints are mostly about how he has to work three jobs and that she doesn't help him out financially, so she has no right to complain. Now with her boyfriend, she convinced him to speed up his divorce (he was separated, as mentioned earlier), but when I asked her if she wanted to be with him, she said she wasn't sure.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I’m really happy for you that you’ve made this decision, I’m sure it hasn’t been easy losing your friend, and I am sure that you’ll have many more great friendships. Maybe one day you will go back to being friends, for now, you have a great life ahead free of that drama. Never feel bad for putting your needs first, if she’s a true friend she will appreciate this one day.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

angelfire77 said:


> Thank you all for the responses, again. You've made me think a lot about our friendship. I'm thinking of sending a text to her like this. This would be in response to her saying she's incredibly stressed out with fighting with the OM (because he's impatient that she isn't getting divorced) and her husband.
> 
> "Hey (name), please take care of yourself. This whole thing with (husband) and (OM) is really taking a toll on you. You probably don't want to hear this, but I really think you need to make a choice between them, or get rid of them both. I know you're in a tough situation but I can't support you continuing to be with (OM) while still married to (husband), anymore. I only say this out of love and I honestly want what's best for you, and I hope you'll make the best choice for yourself."
> 
> ...


It sounds like you have actioned/prepared yourself to distance from this friendship since posting this, however, I wanted to chime in that although I feel it's more worthy of a phone call rather than text, what stood out to me is that you are focused on your opinion of what is right / good for her - rather than really how this is impacting you. The difference with expressing how her choices are impacting you, and therefore, your friendship, is that it's about your feelings - not focused on hers. While you wrote that you can't support continuing her being with OM while still being married to her husband, the focus still comes across that it's out of caring for her. Whereas, based on what you have expressed here, could instead be how it is impacting YOU. I hope this makes sense. All the best!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

angelfire77 said:


> I agree that it’s a very strange situation! She hasn’t asked me to “help” her in a long time. But she has hinted at it once the pandemic is over, but I haven’t responded to her requests. I guess I thought I was helping her out of a bad marriage, but she’s continuing to spend time with her husband and she still has no plans to move forward with her divorce. Ironically, the OM was separated when they met, and she’s convinced him to push his divorce through for her.
> 
> Yes, her parents definitely use her and there have been plenty of moments where she has used me, as well. But she’s always lent me an ear and offered support whenever I was going through a hard time, and we genuinely have a good time together.
> 
> ...


Closest friends tell alot about you...

If my wife were friends and knew they were doing this it would call into question her moral beliefs. I would believe she is ok with what is going on and would wonder if i needed to start checking her coms for any hinky communication with other guys. Birds of a feather ya know. I would say that comment to you is a warning that maybe he might think he needs to think about your loyalty to him.

If i had a buddy hanging with the AB i would think he believes the racist stuff. If i had a friend that got into the Arian Brotherhood we would not remain friends. If we did, then others might have good reason to question whether i was racist or not.


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## angelfire77 (Jan 13, 2021)

Sorry I never got back to this! But yes I stick by my decision to distance myself from her. I haven't replied to any of her messages since I posted this...she messaged me again this morning saying she was having more "man drama" from talking to other guys online. Seems like she has no remorse whatsoever...I'm contemplating blocking her at this point because she's really starting to make me uncomfortable. Still considering sending her one message saying I can't support her, but not sure if it's the best idea. Or should I just block and fade her out for now?


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