# Separation, I'm terrified



## Mommabear88 (Aug 9, 2020)

I have a 6year old and a 4 year old. 
Me and my husband have been together for 12 years, married for 7.
We have decided to separate due to emotional abuse and fighting infront of the kids.
We live in BC and it's very expensive, I am dependent on him working as we decided I would raise the kids and work part time, sue to the virus i don't have a job right now and I also need to find a place to rent and a car to drive because our car is not paid off and it's very expensive, we share it but I cant take on the payments. I don't know if there is support I can seek out or what I should really do, I dont know how the process works but I know we can't be together. I need advice.


----------



## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

I'm sorry to hear this. Your children deserve better for sure.

Have you and Hubby gone for counseling? You need to get to the bottom of the emotional abuse and fighting. Certainly, any fighting in front of the children is tramatic for them and might be considered abuse as well.

Having visited BC on business and for pleasure, I agree, it's very expensive to live there.

Do you have family that may be able to help? You may be able to apply for and receive social assistance.

Does Hubby make enough money to support you both with separate accomodation?

That expensive car needs to go and be replaced with economic vehicles for both of you.

You have my best wishes for a favorable outcome.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I also would start with asking your family to help (if that's possible), and have you spoken to a lawyer yet...?? Sometimes you can get a free consultation, just to get some guidance of what the process will be...also, a family lawyer will probably know where you can find support in your community.

I am wondering why YOU need to find a place to rent...? Shouldn't your husband be the one moving out, since you have the children...?

If I were you, I would start with internet searches for lawyers and social services in your area for single moms with small children. There should be PLENTY, and then you can start tomorrow making phone calls and making plans for yourself moving forward.

It may seem overwhelming now, but there is PEACE and HOPE on the other side of this for you!
GOOD LUCK!!!


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

You need to google attorneys and support there in BC because most of us are in the US, and things are probably different here. For example, most areas here in the US have attorneys who offer one-hour free consultation, and people can get a lot of answers in that time and come away with an understanding of what they can expect and what they have to do.

Here in the US, a woman in your pedicament can have her attorney petition the court for emergency support as a temporary order, such as child support and spousal support payments. They can also petition for attorney fees. So, her husband would have to make sure she and the children are provided for during the separation and divorce, as well as pay her lawyer.

Her attorney might advise her not to move out of the marital home, at least not until the divorce is settled. It could be construed as abandoning her home and her husband if he (or rather his attorney) wants to make it look that way. So I don't think you should be making any moving plans until you consult with a lawyer.

In fact, don't do anything until you consult with a lawyer. S/he will advise you of your next steps. You will probably find that you're not as lost as you fear you are.

And I hope this will be a warning to SAHMs that it's ALWAYS a bad idea to be financially dependent on their husband.


----------



## saradanyal94 (Aug 17, 2020)

Have you talked with your spouse? Not in anger. I mean a series of in-depth discussions about your unhappiness? If not, now is the time to start. 

I am not saying stay together forever or until the last kid graduates high school. I think staying for the kids just burns time that you neither of you will get back. Don't do that.

Talk to your spouse. Tonight. Don't delay. Hear what they have to say. More likely it will lead to better communication skills as you go through a divorce consultation.

If by chance someone is waiting in the wings. Dump them! This will only put gas on a bonfire.


----------



## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> I am wondering why YOU need to find a place to rent...? Shouldn't your husband be the one moving out, since you have the children...?


I thought the same thing immediately. The kids need stability at such a young age and since they will be with you, you should stay in the house. If it's a matter of being able to afford the home, your husband will be paying child support that should cover that. Like others have said, see a lawyer to protect yourself ASAP.


----------



## Acosarecsta (Aug 22, 2020)

Dadto2 said:


> I thought the same thing immediately. The kids need stability at such a young age and since they will be with you, you should stay in the house. If it's a matter of being able to afford the home, your husband will be paying child support that should cover that. Like others have said, see a lawyer to protect yourself ASAP.


----------



## Acosarecsta (Aug 22, 2020)

a great deal of advice..... talk to him, you two need to decide, decide with welfare of children in mind, not your selfish desires. You two are supposed to be one for life, the best marriages that exists are the ones that make it past the trial you are in right now.


----------

