# Wife's discomfort talking about sex....



## Localanonymous (Mar 9, 2018)

Hi all. New here. 

My wife has always been overly bashful about being literal and forward with discussions about sex. She claims she doesn't have fantasies or preferences, but then sometimes I'll catch her silently asking me (by moving my hands places) to do things during sex.

When I try to ask her, during, after, or even randomly what she really wants/needs in order to get there it's always a bashful "I don't know. I like what we do." But I know she could/should be enjoying herself more. In our 15 years together, I can count on one hand how many times she's had an orgasm (at least, with me, and not alone), and nearly as few times where she really let herself be comfortable with herself during sex enough to get at least close. 

She has also pretty much never initiated anything sexual. Expects me to be able to miraculously know when she's in the mood. She doesn't drop even subtle hints. Often it'll come up a few days later when I'm basically having to ask for sex, and she's like "I wanted you to make a move on xyz night, but you didn't."

Anyone else have experience with a sexually overly-self-conscious wife, and have any tips about how to approach it without hurting her feelings? It almost always causes arguments when it comes up.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Just a suggestion -- have a few "sessions" where you completely focus on her. Hands, mouth, etc. and WATCH her reactions. TALK to her during and when she moves your hands to where she wants, ASK her specifically, and make her respond to you about it. This will start getting her over some of this, and will certainly take time. I wouldn't expect her to start yelling out porn lines but you should be able to get her to talk. Tease her, tell her you will do exactly what she wants -- she just has to tell you (even IF you already know what she wants you to do). Make sure she orgasms each session at LEAST once if not more. If she has a hard time telling you, YOU need to focus more and learn about her body and what gets her going and what she likes. You can do this by exploring her body and not focus on you for a while.

Honestly, you BOTH can have a ton of fun doing this (and don't let it be stressful -- just fun -- laugh, tickle her, etc. -- get her at ease).


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## biwing (Feb 2, 2017)

I agree with jlg07 above. There is good advise there ..........

I've experienced this same thing in my marriage. I have just now gotten thru the ice so to speak and have her now telling me what she likes during sex. It has been 48 years for this to happen. Up until now I have had to be the one to initiate sex between us up to the point that I'm considered by her to be addicted to sex ...............

We did discuss our personal fanatasy's a couple of times after a good sex and acted on the ones that we both were comfortable with doing and after many discussions, sometimes up to three years, but still it was I who took the lead and started the discussions after the original night of revel. She would willingly discuss things but just not bring them up.

I must disclose that we were both virgins when married, until the wedding night and both came from sexuality repressive families. This was in the early 70's.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I have a tendency to be overly self conscience, and there are a lot of reasons for this. Control. A need for a lot of safety and acceptance. Plain embarrassment. Early childhood abuse.

When I was married, my ex-husband _never once_ initiated a conversation about sex. I initiated general talks - more about the lack of sex and improving our level of intimacy, rather than specifically about our sexual preferences.

We were married for 20 years, but weren't truly comfortable around each other enough to open up, which is very sad.

I've been divorced since 2010, and I've found I'm more willing to _discuss_ sex with men (as opposed to actually having sex) in order to flush out where'd we fit and where we wouldn't. 

But I never loved any of these people - they were really no more than strangers, so with someone I genuinely cared about, it might be more difficult because I'd want their approval.

I'm also one of those non-orgasmic women. I had one with my husband. Again, it's about feeling comfortable, and I've never really felt safe enough to just let go. 

In terms of your wife...

I think it's pretty cool that she feels relaxed enough to move your hand. To me, that's huge - and it is a form of communication.

Also, I'm responsive to the initiations of a man. It's very exciting and preferable. It doesn't turn me on to initiate _unless_ I know for a fact that it's gonna turn a guy on.

If conversations cause arguments, maybe try communicating more with sounds and touch? Personally, a moaning man is by far the sexiest sound on the planet.


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## Localanonymous (Mar 9, 2018)

minimalME said:


> I have a tendency to be overly self conscience, and there are a lot of reasons for this. Control. A need for a lot of safety and acceptance. Plain embarrassment. Early childhood abuse.
> 
> When I was married, my ex-husband _never once_ initiated a conversation about sex. I initiated general talks - more about the lack of sex and improving our level of intimacy, rather than specifically about our sexual preferences.
> 
> ...



She has some of the same history as you described above. Don't get me wrong, we have made monumental strides from where we were when we were still dating, but since we had kids five years ago, our sexuality has gone to the wayside. Even when we went on weeklong vacations alone.

She has said the same thing about me initiating is more of a turn on and she's afraid I won't be turned on if she initiated. Two issues with this though: first: I want her to initiate because I want to feel wanted. Two, I get turned down 80% of the time I ask, and it starts to hurt my feelings to be forced to always be the one to initiate, but get rejected more often than not (even if she's kind and gentle with her rejection). Just kind of reiterates the feeling of not being wanted in the issue above.


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## Localanonymous (Mar 9, 2018)

Also, there's zero chance I wouldn't be turned on if she initiated, and she knows this for a fact.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Localanonymous said:


> She has said the same thing about me initiating is more of a turn on and she's afraid I won't be turned on if she initiated. Two issues with this though: first: I want her to initiate because I want to feel wanted. Two, I get turned down 80% of the time I ask, and it starts to hurt my feelings to be forced to always be the one to initiate, but get rejected more often than not (even if she's kind and gentle with her rejection). Just kind of reiterates the feeling of not being wanted in the issue above.


I understand, and I'm sorry for the consistent rejection.

That is a difference between your wife and me. I wouldn't say no, but I'd also not want to be asked. My attitude is - just take.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

My wife is the same. I'm happy to do anything she wants - would enjoy finding something new that pleased her, but she just won't say. I'm left with the guessing game. She will stop me if I do something she doesn't like, but doesn't give me much feedback between "ok" and "great". I can tell some from the sounds she makes, but its not completely reliable. Often I will be doing something and she will seem to be responding - then say "that isn't working". 

She will not admit to fantasies, and if asked always just says "you know what I like" - but like most people what she wants on any particular occasion can vary.

I wonder if she worries that if she tells me what she wants, she will feel obligated to do what I want?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

uhtred said:


> My wife is the same. I'm happy to do anything she wants - would enjoy finding something new that pleased her, but she just won't say. I'm left with the guessing game. She will stop me if I do something she doesn't like, but doesn't give me much feedback between "ok" and "great". I can tell some from the sounds she makes, but its not completely reliable. Often I will be doing something and she will seem to be responding - then say "that isn't working".
> 
> She will not admit to fantasies, and if asked always just says "you know what I like" - but like most people what she wants on any particular occasion can vary.
> 
> I wonder if she worries that if she tells me what she wants, she will feel obligated to do what I want?


I think some people underestimate the amount of vulnerability it take to share sexual preferences. 

I certainly wouldn't feel safe talking to my spouse if I knew they were on an online internet forum where my fantasies might be brought up, critcised or made fun of by a bunch of strangers.


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## [email protected] (Mar 1, 2018)

Localanonymous said:


> Also, there's zero chance I wouldn't be turned on if she initiated, and she knows this for a fact.


Of course she does. 

And it proves it has a lot more to do with some pretty nasty character traits on her part, not something she needs sympathy and ass-kissing for.

Her behavior is cruel. Just reverse roles, because you are in the perpetual servant role at the moment. Were she to ask what you wanted, you would say touch my Johnson. Were she to have the slightest bit of empathy and love for you, she'd reach out and stroke Mr. Happy, no more questions asked. 

How simple is that? So there is no good reason - no reason at all for her to deny you this. It is a cruel kind of covert aggression or some say passive-aggression to play stupid and pretend she doesn't know what you want or there is some gigantic invisible force that prevents her from initiating. It is all about control and punishment for something you didn't do. 

After I let my ex-wife see I was leaving her, after having begged her for years to communicate with me about what she wanted in bed... out of the blue she says "kiss my neck". I was enraged! After all those years begging, she outs with something like this after it is clear I am leaving and why. She was a sick puppy, having been raped by her father regularly. She viewed sex as war. So you refuse to allow your partner any satisfaction, just rob him of everything sex is supposed to be. Then you act like you don't know what he is talking about when he is trying to find out what is going on in your mind.

So I would turn my attention to the conscious emotional abuse she is inflicting on you, the cruelty and sadism involved instead of thinking she is this oh-so-tender angel that needs more of your suffering and blood.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Localanonymous said:


> Hi all. New here.
> 
> My wife has always been overly bashful about being literal and forward with discussions about sex. She claims she doesn't have fantasies or preferences, but then sometimes I'll catch her silently asking me (by moving my hands places) to do things during sex.
> 
> ...


After the fact statements like this are not true. I see it as an attraction issue.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I don't remember if it was on this forum or another, but someone once wrote about cues that the wife had for her husband, so that she could still be in the more submissive role, but it was clearly communicated that sex was welcome.

There was specific underwear she would wear, candles might be lit, etc. Whatever was agreed on.

Do you think your wife would be open to that?

In addition to being a matter of attraction, I'd say lack of respect.


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## Localanonymous (Mar 9, 2018)

manwithnoname said:


> After the fact statements like this are not true. I see it as an attraction issue.


I feel like that's the case, and I don't know what else she wants from me. I work out, I do more than my share around the house, I'm a good, highly involved father, I am a good financial provider (although she holds her own too.). Whenever I bring it up, she acts like initiation is this insurmountable wall. But I've been asking for her to change for five years. The only time she briefly became more proactive was when we were actively trying to have kids. Aside from that, I feel like sex is more of an obligation to her. And honestly, it made me feel bitter/used about sex when we were trying to have kids and all of the sudden she's temporarily interested in me.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Localanonymous said:


> I feel like that's the case, and I don't know what else she wants from me. I work out, I do more than my share around the house, I'm a good, highly involved father, I am a good financial provider (although she holds her own too.). Whenever I bring it up, she acts like initiation is this insurmountable wall. But I've been asking for her to change for five years. The only time she briefly became more proactive was when we were actively trying to have kids. Aside from that, I feel like sex is more of an obligation to her. And honestly, it made me feel bitter/used about sex when we were trying to have kids and all of the sudden she's temporarily interested in me.


Read MMSL primer. Someone may be able to provide a link.


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## [email protected] (Mar 1, 2018)

Localanonymous said:


> And honestly, it made me feel bitter/used about sex when we were trying to have kids and all of the sudden she's temporarily interested in me.


Right. Because it proved so clearly she can do this whenever she feels like it. 

So again, she is cruel. You are taking it. So it is going to continue to be dished out. 

Welcome to the rest of your life.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

[email protected] said:


> Right. Because it proved so clearly she can do this whenever she feels like it.
> 
> So again, she is cruel. You are taking it. So it is going to continue to be dished out.
> 
> Welcome to the rest of your life.


I hope you follow up this "2x4" with something constructive....


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

Gosh, I see this so much on here.

You both have different drive levels, OP. 

I feel like she was gas-lighting you when she justified rejecting you by informing you that she actually wanted you to make a move on "x" night. Seriously, how on earth were you supposed to know that?

I also think she used you when she wanted to have children.

Here's the problem. You knew all of this about her when you married her. 
She never misrepresented herself, you knew from the get-go that she was low drive and unwilling to communicate her wishes/needs. It's not like she pulled a bait and switch on you.

You can either a) Stay, and deal with it. b)Tell her what you need, and leave if she is not willing to work on your sexual relationship.

Personally, I am a high drive person and I couldn't tolerate a ****ty sex life. I make certain that people I date are on the same page as me.


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## purplepwr53 (Mar 20, 2018)

I've been married 27 years to a woman who also is uncomfortable with "voicing what she wants" or initiating sex. A few things stuck out to me that you might reflect on. First, are you having sex when you ask for it? There is a difference between having a fantasy and moving your hands where it feels good. The biggest thing I see is "I can count on one hand how many times she has had an orgasm with me in 15 years". 

Imagine this post: "I've been married for 15 years and I can count on one hand the number of orgasms my husband has given me. Recently he has begun to complain because I am not initializing sex or talking about fantasies or how I want it." Doesn't look like so good of a complaint now does it? My wife finds it difficult due to the way she was brought up. The way she was brought up by her family during her "formative years because that time period had such a strong influence on the rest of your life." is what you are trying to change-her bashfulness about sex-something she hasn't changed in 15 years of marriage. If it were that easy to change someone we wouldn't have so many psychiatrist's out there. 
Lastly, I think instead of thinking about your wants and needs, you should work on making sex more enjoyable for her-If you had been having sex for 15 years and only had 5 orgasms in that time, think how you would feel! I liken your question to a cow grazing in a pasture-the grass always looks greener on the outside of the fence. I would think about your wants and needs. I would also say if you take care of your wife first, then she might find things more enjoyable and at some point begin to relax and be able to do some of the things you want. She sounds pretty normal, she could be telling you she has a headache or some other excuse. Sometimes you just have to be happy with what you have and if occasionally she surprises you with something extra special, that's just the frosting on the cake, enjoy it.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Localanonymous said:


> Hi all. New here.
> 
> My wife has always been overly bashful about being literal and forward with discussions about sex. She claims she doesn't have fantasies or preferences, but then sometimes I'll catch her silently asking me (by moving my hands places) to do things during sex.
> 
> ...


Really, dude? Trying to get your wife to open up about sex causes arguments? That tells me one thing, and your whole post tells me something else. The first thing is that you are trying too hard. It doesn't make sense for the attempt of such a discussion as this to winds up in an argument. Why on earth are you applying so much pressure, and why do you keep forcing the subject? You haven't gotten the message yet that there IS no way to approach it? Just leave it alone. Leave her alone. You're only causing more anxiety and even some resentment. The last thing you want is for her to become so self conscious and resentful that she won't want to have sex at all. Or very seldom anyway.

jlg07 made some good suggestions, but I think they sound like good suggestions as opposed to being effective suggestions. I don't doubt what he's saying will work on many women but not your woman. She's wound too tightly based on what you're telling us about her. And couple that with the fact that it's been 15 years and you've had no success. I'll tell you also that getting a woman to answer questions during sex is distracting. You can't expect her to be into it and responding to what you are doing to her, and then cause the mental whiplash of bringing her out of ecstasy to redirect her focus on your questions followed by the mental exercise of having to formulate responses. You've not onl blown her orgasm but also lost her interest. I once had a boyfriend who wanted me to talk dirty to him. I'd never done that before. Didn't like it at all because it was distracting but decided if he liked it, then I would try it. He began rather gently. I guess he was just trying to ease me into it and progressed a little at a time. After a short while, I got really into it and turned pro just short of raunchy without dirty words. He loved it and so did I. But I would never, ever have been able to answer questions pertaining to my own enjoyment. He got that message and took the lead in helping me to please him, rather than expecting me to help him please me. But then, he knew what he was doing and was expert at pleasing me.

That brings me to the second thing you're telling me in your post, which is that you need her to teach you how to please her. But I gotta tell ya that women rely on men to teach them. Inexperienced women, that is. More experienced women may not mind teaching you, and your wife is just too shy. Moreover, she very likely doesn't know what pleases her. She only knows if and when she likes what you are doing at the time you are doing it to her. Like I said, women rely on men to teach them because we don't know our own body and what we like sexually until those things are done to and for us. Sorry for the pressure, but that's the way it goes. Sexual satisfaction is infinitely easier for you as a man than for a woman because we are built so very differently. For example, there's nothing we like about friction, but you need it. We have erogenous zones that need pressure to be applied during the act that causes friction for you. But the in and out motion (that causes friction) is not of any importance to us and not particularly pleasing in itself. 

And that she's only had a handful of orgasms in 15 years says a whole lot. The skill you have to master is not holding her responsible for her orgasms but to make yourself responsible for her orgasms. Again, sorry about the pressure but that's the way it goes. She can masturbate, but do you want her to do that during sex? Orgasms aren't about her degree of comfort if you are driving her crazy. And if you are driving her crazy, she completely loses the self conscious sense of shyness and the effort of trying to relax. You should have her completely under your control and mindless of her surroundings, her position, and her comfort level.

So it appears you are not the lover type. That's okay because all it means is that maybe you need some tips to help you master the bedroom. You have to be confident and at least somewhat skillful in order to gain HER confidence in you. She needs to be comfortable enough to place herself in your hands. The way to gain her comfort and confidence is to know what you are doing and making her love it. Otherwise, she can't open up if you have shown her you don't know what you're doing. And, she can't open up if you have shown her you want her to teach you because, well, that shows her you don't know what you're doing. So you're going to have to learn her body and some techniques, and become skillful at what pleases her. The more you know to do, the more you will learn to do, and she'll gradually become better able to open up to you. After a while, you can begin applying jlg07's suggestions.

There are lots of articles on the internet, lots of books you can buy, and there are also videos to learn most of the things you need to know. To get you started, I wrote some tips in this thread and hope you find them helpful. I think you will.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

minimalME said:


> I understand, and I'm sorry for the consistent rejection.
> 
> That is a difference between your wife and me. I wouldn't say no, but I'd also not want to be asked. My attitude is - just take.


I've been married and also had some long-term boyfriends. I never said no either. Then I had a very, and I mean extremely, short-term boyfriend who was useless in bed. He thought it was just for him, so my purpose was just to serve his purpose. Try to imagine that.

Local has been trying but going about it the wrong way by asking her in so many words to teach him how to please her. I didn't read through the thread before I responded earlier, so I didn't know his wife usually turns him down. But I predicted she would start doing that. Just didn't know she already did. 

I think you would change your yes answers if you were sexually unsatisfied and your husband/partner didn't know how to please you. I mean, what's the use? And since you are much like her and many other women, he's not going to get it out of you, so imagine how you would feel if your guy were the OP.



Localanonymous said:


> She has some of the same history as you described above. Don't get me wrong, we have made monumental strides from where we were when we were still dating, but since we had kids five years ago, our sexuality has gone to the wayside. Even when we went on weeklong vacations alone.
> 
> She has said the same thing about me initiating is more of a turn on and she's afraid I won't be turned on if she initiated. Two issues with this though: first: I want her to initiate because I want to feel wanted. Two, I get turned down 80% of the time I ask, and it starts to hurt my feelings to be forced to always be the one to initiate, but get rejected more often than not (even if she's kind and gentle with her rejection). Just kind of reiterates the feeling of not being wanted in the issue above.


I understand how it makes you feel. But please try to understand that I don't have any idea about what people on this forum keep saying about low drive and high drive. I don't know that I ever had much of a drive at all until menopause these past few years (YAAAYYY). But I never said no except to that one guy I mentioned above. I never spent much time with an unskilled lover, so I knew I would enjoy it even though I initially wasn't in the mood. NOT saying no was for his sake, but I knew I wouldn't regret it. I knew I wouldn't be bored. I knew that even though the reason I got into it was because he wanted to, I wouldn't FEEL like it was just for him because it would be for me too. Of course, there were/are the times that I gave in to the occasional quickie, which were/are always just for him, and I didn't regret those either.

So I wonder how you would feel if sex were only for her and you didn't enjoy it. You'd probably feel like something is better than nothing since you are man, but that's a far cry for women because, as I explained in my first response, we're built differently and sex isn't the same, nor is pleasure achieved in the same manner. So, for women, nothing is as good as what amounts to nothing much. Frankly, nothing is better.



Localanonymous said:


> I feel like that's the case, and I don't know what else she wants from me. I work out, I do more than my share around the house, I'm a good, highly involved father, I am a good financial provider (although she holds her own too.). Whenever I bring it up, she acts like initiation is this insurmountable wall. But I've been asking for her to change for five years. The only time she briefly became more proactive was when we were actively trying to have kids. Aside from that, I feel like sex is more of an obligation to her. And honestly, it made me feel bitter/used about sex when we were trying to have kids and all of the sudden she's temporarily interested in me.


What she wants from you is sexual satisfaction and to not have to teach you how to please her. She needs you to know how and she needs you to do it. 

I don't really understand why you expect her to initiate sex when you wrote this post to tell us how shy and uncomfortable talking about sex she is. Scale one wall before you try to drag her over another wall. You haven't mastered the first one yet.

Wanna try something risky? Make her think she may be losing you. Stop being predictable. Stop being available. Make her think you are interested in other things, and she will think you're seeing someone else. You will get her attention that way. HOWEVER, you cannot do this until you read my first post again and decide to try those techniques as well as researching others. You have to master the bedroom and gain her confidence to keep her interest. Surprise her with her first orgasm in a very long time. I bet she gets a little frisky after that. The better you become in bed and the more confident you become, the more attractive you will be to her. Plus, she'll want that good romp in the hay more often. So, to spark her interest, and very likely a long-term sex life of much more frequency, make her think she has something to lose. She'll get the message that she has to take care of her man because her man isn't going to sit around waiting for her occasional yes. But the upside for her is that you will have become skillful to make it enjoyable for her too.

Learn how to take care of your woman, man. You reveal more and more that you don't with each post. To say your wife has had only a handful of orgasms in 15 years is on you and not her, so stop blaming it on her and her inability to relax. There's no such thing if you confidently control the bedroom. Her orgasm should be the first thing you take care of, and yours shouldn't happen until you do. "She cums first" is the way it goes. I learned that from men who were good and considerate lovers that took very good care of me, and I've read it from men numerous times on this forum and several others. I don't know how you missed the memo. But accept that you missed it for the past 15 years, and decide to get your wife to WANT to have sex with you.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Localanonymous said:


> She has some of the same history as you described above. Don't get me wrong, we have made monumental strides from where we were when we were still dating, but since we had kids five years ago, our sexuality has gone to the wayside. Even when we went on weeklong vacations alone.
> 
> She has said the same thing about me initiating is more of a turn on and she's afraid I won't be turned on if she initiated. Two issues with this though: first: I want her to initiate because I want to feel wanted. Two, I get turned down 80% of the time *I ask*, and it starts to hurt my feelings to be forced to always be the one to initiate, but get rejected more often than not (even if she's kind and gentle with her rejection). Just kind of reiterates the feeling of not being wanted in the issue above.




I just want to mention an observation. A submissive woman I know hates, with a passion hates, being asked. The instant a question is asked she flares up into anger. It’s like prodding a wasp nest.

For instance she enjoys having men open doors for her. But one day I was a bit behind her and some guy ahead of her asked her if he could open the door for her. She started raging at him about being a chauvinist pig, and she could open her own damned door. I’ve seen this type of behavior in response to being “asked” several times.

She has admitted she thinks only weak pathetic men ask anything. The act of asking a question will guarantee a scalding negative response, while the simple action of just reaching out and doing will always, guaranteed, result in positive results.

I had not realized this asking thing was such a huge red flag until years after we met. I never asked anything until I started asking if she needed to see a shrink. Asking has never been my way.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

You see the trouble is you never know which woman you are going to be talking to. The one who wants continuous enthusiastic consent, or the one that pours on the abuse because you asked. The one who wants the man to always initiate, or the one who expects the man to always accept rejection enthusiastically. You go into a conversation with this wide range of possible Expectations, there is no right answer in fact the best approach is often signaled against vehemently. 

So here is how I handle it If there is a 51% rejection rate (Not 80%, possibly as low as 30 %) Then I don't ask. I assume that the opportunity isn't wanted. And that is for people that I have an existing emotional bond with. No one else even gets consideration. At the first instance of abusive tirade, I exit the relationship. I don't have need for that in my life. As the pithy advice has been given here "Don't put your **** in crazy."

As to the original question. In the beginning of the relationship communication was open, invitations were given and accepted. Over the years those open channels of communication have silted in and become impassible. People who have done it all together now, can not even say the words. It's a sad loss. I miss it quite a lot.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Localanonymous said:


> I feel like that's the case, and I don't know what else she wants from me. I work out, I do more than my share around the house, I'm a good, highly involved father, I am a good financial provider (although she holds her own too.). Whenever I bring it up, she acts like initiation is this insurmountable wall. But I've been asking for her to change for five years. The only time she briefly became more proactive was when we were actively trying to have kids. Aside from that, I feel like sex is more of an obligation to her. And honestly, it made me feel bitter/used about sex when we were trying to have kids and all of the sudden she's temporarily interested in me.


You can't make people change. You can only change yourself, or the dynamic between you two.

She didn't desire you more or want sex more when she was trying to conceive. She made herself initiate despite not wanting sex because what she wanted was the end product of sex.

Now reverse that thought, and that's what she may feel about sex normally, bitter and used. That you don't want her for her, you just want to use her body for the end product of sex - your pleasure.

However, did she enjoy it after it got started? You may be dealing with responsive desire. Some women are just never in the mood from a cold start. You have to sneak sex up on them. Put in a movie with a great sex scene to rev up her engine, then make some moves when she snuggles up closer to you.


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