# Why Don't I Love Myself More??



## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

Seems like I struggle with something new every day. Today, I gave a lot of thought to the pain that this has caused me, and what kills me most, maybe even more than the cheating, is the lengths H went to in order to lie to me and deceive me. He hurt me with his words more than he will ever know. I've said it before - I feel like I got in the ring with Mike Tyson and every time I wanted to fight for the relationship, he just kept knocking me down. I got up a million times to keep the fight alive, but when I found out the real reason for the separation, I just cowered in the corner and stayed down. Now, it upsets me that I can't just take a look at the big picture and say "good riddance" to a liar, a cheater and a quitter. Why is it that part of my heart feels as though I would take him back or at least try for an R if he ran back into my arms, said he was sorry and told me that he loved me. Why??? Why can't I just say "enough" once and for all and love myself more than I love (or loved) him? I'm jealous of those people who can right away see things for what they are, move forward and never look back. This is the thing that I should be talking to my counselor about rather than the "affair fog" and the reasons why cheaters choose to destroy everything in their path. ...


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

OMG, you made me cry with your post because that's exactly what I have been thinking these past few days. I guess I had too much free time,not having my son here with me. Just like you I was more hurt by his creative ways to deceive, lie the words he said yet never to acknowledge that he went about the wrong way to get out of a marriage.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

It it just something that is hard to wrap my brain around. That this person, who stood up in front of God, our family and our friends and who promised to love me no matter what slipped into such a moral decline that he felt it was okay to cheat and look me right in the eyes and lie about it. It's something I will never understand. I just don't have that type of behavior in my make up. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone and I'm not trying to be judgmental, but I don't think I'll ever really understand how someone could do it and how they could do it for so long. Up until the day they put me in the ground I will never understand that he made a conscious choice to destroy me and to destroy our family this way.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

How to love yourself, more than you love a man | eHow.com

http://www.artofloving.com/love/loveyourself.htm

http://www.artofloving.com/love/loveyourself.htm

Here is something I found that I already put in my bookmarks. Most of my friends have been telling me the same things already.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

you didnt fall all at once it took a process of understanding and acceptance.

it will not be cut and dry just because....
you do need time to greive. allow your self the time. set a time frame say month, set a certain place and time first day cry 3 times for a few hours, day 2 cry a little less say like 2 hours, and let your self be sad about what could have been, but every day make it a little less.

the hurt can no longer rule your life after this month. it will still hurt,, but setting a goal and haveing it be a visible goal will help you cope with the loss.

purge him from your bedroom and closet, then the bathroom, then the kitchen, grieve in the monent, then move on.

find other things to do, re-paint a room a color you always wanted, or do a daring color.  re-do the closets, make his side into a shoe closet for you...you see what in getting at, just take it slow, and its ok to be sad, but you have to live too. and BREATHE, in case you forgot....


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