# Just filed



## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

I am back, I was doing my absolute best to try and work through my relationship with my wife. If anyone saw the previous posts of mine the adultery definitely ended any chance of us staying together. It wasnt so much that she had done it, it was the fact that she showed little to no remorse for doing it as time moved along. She has completely destroyed me in every aspect of my life and even went so far as to file a temporary restraining order to get me kicked out of the house. 

I just have no more strength to fight against the inevitable. I feel sorry for my kids, knowing that they will have to grow up without a strong stable family environment. I am hoping that we can just get it over with as soon as possible, my attorney stated that reconciliation was impossible and requested no reconciliation counseling.


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## Ebb & Flow (Mar 6, 2013)

Sorry to hear the news forlorn99 - it's amazing the abuse that total trust can take and how the value of a whole family seems to have little to no meaning to some.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

forlorn99 said:


> I am back, I was doing my absolute best to try and work through my relationship with my wife. If anyone saw the previous posts of mine the adultery definitely ended any chance of us staying together. It wasnt so much that she had done it, it was the fact that she showed little to no remorse for doing it as time moved along. She has completely destroyed me in every aspect of my life and even went so far as to file a temporary restraining order to get me kicked out of the house.
> 
> I just have no more strength to fight against the inevitable. I feel sorry for my kids, knowing that they will have to grow up without a strong stable family environment. I am hoping that we can just get it over with as soon as possible, my attorney stated that reconciliation was impossible and requested no reconciliation counseling.


Have you been to therapy?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

This was inevitable. Sorry you're here.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I filed last month. I'm with ya bro. Although we didn't file for the same reasons, still sucks. Everyone says we'll be better in the end and I'm going with that!

Good luck.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Have you been to therapy?


We went to marriage counseling, she continued lying to the counselor.. lol 

I am not in need of therapy, I am sad and lonely and upset.. I am not depressed, I guess that I knew deep down inside that I made the hugest mistake of my life when I said I do.. This woman is pure evil, she knows that I will lose my career if she goes through with this, all she is concerned with is hurting me at this point


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

keko said:


> This was inevitable. Sorry you're here.


I probably wasnt a big help in the reconciliation, I got angry and yelled a lot! It didnt help that instead of showing remorse and an actual concern for my feelings and welfare she would argue and scream at me.. it just made me feel worse and the cycle continued. I still think if she would have been actually remorseful and showed empathy towards me when I felt pain it could have worked but i do not think she is capable of that.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

forlorn99 said:


> We went to marriage counseling, she continued lying to the counselor.. lol
> 
> I am not in need of therapy, I am sad and lonely and upset.. I am not depressed, I guess that I knew deep down inside that I made the hugest mistake of my life when I said I do.. This woman is pure evil, she knows that I will lose my career if she goes through with this, all she is concerned with is hurting me at this point


I guess that settles it.

Sorry you feel that way.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Forlorn,
Do you have a way to defend yourself against the restraining order or are you going to be evicted from your home? 

You shouldn't lose your job over the restraining order. They are given out like candy with little to no evidence. I am in the military and they don't affect us and even law enforcement can continue to work while they have an RO against them. 

You cannot possess guns for personal reasons though.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

My lawyer says that this particular judge will most likely "play it extremely safe" It will be turned into a permanent one and then I will be fired, teacher.


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## gbonham77 (Feb 21, 2013)

be proud of being a man who divorce a cheating s**t, youre far better than the one who reconcile and they say rebuilding their marriage


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

gbonham77 said:


> be proud of being a man who divorce a cheating s**t, youre far better than the one who reconcile and they say rebuilding their marriage


Maybe so, but to be blind to the fact that they contributed to this and not to seek IC.......ungood.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbonham77 (Feb 21, 2013)

Dedicated2Her said:


> Maybe so, but to be blind to the fact that they contributed to this and not to seek IC.......ungood.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i dont need u to comment for my comment as i address the comment to the thread starter


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

forlorn99 said:


> My lawyer says that this particular judge will most likely "play it extremely safe" It will be turned into a permanent one and then I will be fired, teacher.


The oldest trick in the book, file for a false TRO and get the guy kicked out of the house. What did she use, a false DV? It kills me that judges will grant TRO's just to cover their butt, regardless of the validity. 

All I can say is you need to fight this as hard as you can. Not sure the method or verbiage she used, but a TRO or RO will hinder you in your divorce, especially with regards to custody of your children. You can also expect a nice CS payment if she gets majority of the custody. If this will affect your income, you have no choice but to fight it.

I hope that you have gotten a voice activated recorder (VAR) to carry with you at all times when you are around your stbx. This is to cover your butt in case the police get called again.

Not to take away from this forum, but if you want to bounce some thoughts, the guys on this other forum are pretty smart on divorce law.
Divorce Advice for Men and Fathers | Men and Divorce | Cordell and Cordell | DadsDivorce.com


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> i dont need u to comment for my comment as i address the comment to the thread starter


Wasn't doing it for you. Lot's of people read these threads without posting. Every thread is a discussion. Stick around.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

C3156 said:


> The oldest trick in the book, file for a false TRO and get the guy kicked out of the house. What did she use, a false DV? It kills me that judges will grant TRO's just to cover their butt, regardless of the validity.
> 
> All I can say is you need to fight this as hard as you can. Not sure the method or verbiage she used, but a TRO or RO will hinder you in your divorce, especially with regards to custody of your children. You can also expect a nice CS payment if she gets majority of the custody. If this will affect your income, you have no choice but to fight it.
> 
> ...


She went full on postal, I was accused of sexual and physical abuse. I have a full hearing on the 18th, until that time I am unable to go to my house, see my kids, contact them in any way. She has the house and my truck. It is completely insane that someone with no police record, no criminal record other than traffic violations, no record of DV etc.. can have this done to them without some proof of any kind other than her word.


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## gbonham77 (Feb 21, 2013)

Dedicated2Her said:


> Wasn't doing it for you. Lot's of people read these threads without posting. Every thread is a discussion. Stick around.


then do not quote my comment


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

gbonham77 said:


> then do not quote my comment


We will notify the mods about his wretched behavior.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> We will notify the mods about his wretched behavior.


Sometimes I do need a good spanking....


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Forlorn99,
If the judge rules against you on the 18th, then you MUST appeal the decision RIGHT AWAY. I don't know what state you are in but here in VA, ROs are heard in Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court. You can appeal to Circuit Court within 10 days of the JD&R ruling. Make sure your attorney knows your rights to appeal. If you will lose your job over this, then you must fight even if you have to do so pro se. Please take the time to educate yourself on the laws of your state.

This type of restraining order abuse is ABSOLUTELY ABSURD! Please be sure your lawyer cross-examines your wife and FORCES her to tell EXACT dates when the alleged abuse happened, make her describe details, and make her tell the court why the alleged abuse has NEVER been reported to the police.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Married in VA said:


> Forlorn99,
> If the judge rules against you on the 18th, then you MUST appeal the decision RIGHT AWAY. I don't know what state you are in but here in VA, ROs are heard in Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court. You can appeal to Circuit Court within 10 days of the JD&R ruling. Make sure your attorney knows your rights to appeal. If you will lose your job over this, then you must fight even if you have to do so pro se. Please take the time to educate yourself on the laws of your state.
> 
> This type of restraining order abuse is ABSOLUTELY ABSURD! Please be sure your lawyer cross-examines your wife and FORCES her to tell EXACT dates when the alleged abuse happened, make her describe details, and make her tell the court why the alleged abuse has NEVER been reported to the police.


Then have her wait an hour and repeat her testimony


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Conrad,
You may be right. I do know the Circuit Court judges here are appointed and have less to lose. The overturn rate on ROs that are appealed here is quite high if there is NO evidence. 

One cannot fight the temporary order as it's given ex parte. Issuing permanent orders that violate the US Constitution is something I have a problem with.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

She has no proof of anything because I have never abused her either sexually or physically.. She claims that it is harassment because I was emailing/skyping with her about her adultery. The very difficult part of this whole thing is we have been married for almost 15 years now and she has never been to the hospital for abuse, never called the police for abuse.. etc 
I have gone through the state law in my state and the things that she said in the affidavit are not even the abuse she alleges. How could a judge award all these things when what she says I have done arent even what she has accused me of?


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

For a temporary order she can put anything on the affidavit that she wants and it will be given. The judge will assume that since she took the time to come to court, fill out the paperwork, and wait for the judge that their must be some truth to the allegations. Very few temporary ROs are ever denied. 

At the hearing on the 18th, your lawyer needs to HAMMER those points you make home. The judge needs to understand that you are going through a divorce and that this is just a tactic. Let the judge know that you are fine with her having a protective order but you are requesting that the issues regarding the children and exclusive use of the marital home you would like dropped. Your lawyer should make clear that a restraining order is not a substitute for the divorce process. 

Use this time to present evidence of your own against her as well. You said you had recordings of her threatening to do this right? Your children can also be called to testify that no abuse took place as well. 

HAMMER, HAMMER, HAMMER, and blow her story out of the water. The RO will be dropped. 

When is the pendente lite hearing for your divorce? Make sure the judge knows divorce has been filed and you would like decisions on property and child custody decided then.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Married in VA said:


> For a temporary order she can put anything on the affidavit that she wants and it will be given. The judge will assume that since she took the time to come to court, fill out the paperwork, and wait for the judge that their must be some truth to the allegations. Very few temporary ROs are ever denied.
> 
> At the hearing on the 18th, your lawyer needs to HAMMER those points you make home. The judge needs to understand that you are going through a divorce and that this is just a tactic. Let the judge know that you are fine with her having a protective order but you are requesting that the issues regarding the children and exclusive use of the marital home you would like dropped. Your lawyer should make clear that a restraining order is not a substitute for the divorce process.
> 
> ...


forlorn,

Above is the voice of experience.

Follow this to the nub.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> For a temporary order she can put anything on the affidavit that she wants and it will be given. The judge will assume that since she took the time to come to court, fill out the paperwork, and wait for the judge that their must be some truth to the allegations. Very few temporary ROs are ever denied.
> 
> At the hearing on the 18th, your lawyer needs to HAMMER those points you make home. The judge needs to understand that you are going through a divorce and that this is just a tactic. Let the judge know that you are fine with her having a protective order but you are requesting that the issues regarding the children and exclusive use of the marital home you would like dropped. Your lawyer should make clear that a restraining order is not a substitute for the divorce process.
> 
> ...


I am 100% not fine with her having a protective order, it affects your custody and also I would not be able to pass background checks to keep my teachers license.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

I understand that you are not okay with a permanent order. You must explain to the judge your job predicament as well. The judge does NOT have to grant a permanent order at that hearing. What happened to me is the judge granted my STBXW another temporary order giving me time to complete anger management. I did nothing to deserve what I got but decided to bite the bullet and go through anger management anyway. Like you, I never abused my wife. Her toxic friend taught her how to "game" the system. 

Have you informed your employer of your situation? I know for a fact that an RO does NOT result in immediate dismissal from being a teacher. There is an appeals process that plays out. You don't just get an RO against you and poof, your fired! You may not be allowed in the class room but there are other things you can do.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You should be working with a great lawyer who will help resolve this in your favor. If your current guy is doubtful that he can do it, turn fire him and get one that can!

Do not go down without the best fight you can give.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Married in VA said:


> I understand that you are not okay with a permanent order. You must explain to the judge your job predicament as well. The judge does NOT have to grant a permanent order at that hearing. What happened to me is the judge granted my STBXW another temporary order giving me time to complete anger management. I did nothing to deserve what I got but decided to bite the bullet and go through anger management anyway. Like you, I never abused my wife. Her toxic friend taught her how to "game" the system.
> 
> Have you informed your employer of your situation? I know for a fact that an RO does NOT result in immediate dismissal from being a teacher. There is an appeals process that plays out. You don't just get an RO against you and poof, your fired! You may not be allowed in the class room but there are other things you can do.


You're also a member of a union.

They need to be in the loop.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

I would also be bringing in your fellow teachers as character witnesses who can tell the court about how great you are around children and that your wife's claims are completely off base.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> You should be working with a great lawyer who will help resolve this in your favor. If your current guy is doubtful that he can do it, turn fire him and get one that can!
> 
> Do not go down without the best fight you can give.


This guy is supposed to be great, a friend of mine recommended him and one of my dads friends said he is really good and a fighter.. he has said to me that this particular judge is not a friend of the accused.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

My lawyer did call her today and asked her to drop the RO in order to make the divorce a less hostile experience, her lawyer is a free one from the legal aid office (I emptied the bank accounts) He said he was going to tell her that his time is expensive and she will eat up every dime we both have on this restraining order with the hearing, appeal etc etc.. then the divorce. 

He was hoping that she would listen and that we could remove that and get down to divorce and just get it over.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

But, she didn't - did she?


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

Not that I know of, he didnt call me though apparently he had something to do this afternoon. I was hoping for a call with an update at some point.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

My stbxw is adamantly refusing to remove the restraining order. I believe that is because without it she has nothing to hold against me. I care for the kids way more than she does (summers/school breaks/ after school/ dr / dentist / etc..) We had our temporary orders meeting on the 25th but the judge has yet to make a ruling, my lawyer asked that the TRO be dropped as part of the temp orders the judge said he would consider it. I am hoping that the judge can see that even her own affidavit does not support her claims. I asked for the house, my truck back and 50/50 with the kids. I should get the house (she has horrible credit and cannot get a loan) The current loan is from my father, paid for with my mothers life insurance policy and he will not let the loan be in her name. The truck I drive is also from my mother so she has no real claim to it either. The judge has taken a really long time to decide things that should not be that difficult to consider and that does have me a little worried.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

Well the restraining order was removed in the divorce temporary orders, but the ruling was really bad for me. She got the house, my truck and the kids. I did get visitation though and for the first time in three weeks my kids are with me! It is really good to see them I missed them so much. It is wonderful having them around and knowing that when I wake up tomorrow they will be here. You don't understand just how much you will miss your boys until you don't see them for three weeks.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

I'm glad you got visitation. I wish it was more, but you do not have to worry about your teaching license at the moment so that is a plus. On the other hand, does she realize if she gets you fired, there is no child support?


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

The restraining order was removed, its a mutual no contact order now. I wont be fired for that or risk losing my license.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

forlorn99 said:


> The restraining order was removed, its a mutual no contact order now. I wont be fired for that or risk losing my license.


Really good news.

Congratulations.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Always carry a VAR with you when you are in contact with her either personally or by phone. 

When you are with your kids, write down anything that they say that is a reflection of their lives while with your STBX.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

I honestly have so much hate for my stbxw right now. I just cant stand the thought of my kids being around someone so evil. They are having a good time right now, the little one is eating cake and the older one is shredding papers for my dad. I am just so full of hate because of what she did to me.. how do I get past the hate? 
This horrible person cheated on me with strangers from craigslist then accused me of doing these horrible things which were not true.. She is physically abusive I am not.. and now I get to see my kids like 5 days every two weeks. It is just sickening how much favoritism women get in the courts. I have never done anything to my children.. I am strict and I always have to dole out the punishment because she lets them do whatever, and now I have to send them back to her on monday morning and wont see them again for any real time until two weekends later. I honestly just hate this situation and there is nothing I can do about it. I hope that some day she gets what she deserves for her actions. I have no desire to hurt her myself of course because that is not the kind of thing I am capable of or would do.. but I hope karma is real.


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## MisterRitter (Sep 1, 2012)

I just want to say that the only way to live life is how you believe it to be true. You have done what is good and right, so continue to live that way and raise your kids that way. My STBXW also shat on me, and lately I am 'forgiving' her. Not in the sense that what she did was right or that I think it was OK, but that it doesn't fill me with rage when I think about what she did. I have tried to let go of the anger and it has helped, so I think whatever that means to you, to let go of the anger , you should try. Allowing her to continue to have an impact on your life continues to give her power, so whatever allows you to be free, even if it hurts, ie forgiving her, you should consider. Good luck to you and your kids.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

I will never forgive her for filing that bogus restraining order and keeping me from my kids for three weeks. I don't want to speak to her ever again if I didn't have to for my kids. I have no desire to have anything to do with her.


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## ItsGonnabeAlright (Nov 19, 2012)

This reminds me of my own life. I filed last week. Best moment of my life, at least the divorce will be real, unlike the marriage. The marriage was some sort of game for my stbxh aka porn addict, hooker caller,so on and so on. I can't wait for the day when this is all over.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

We settled yesterday

We have shared physical care of the boys, 50/50 time two weeks with me and two weeks with her

I got the house and my truck back, she gets her truck and 3/4 the equity in the house.


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

Congrats, Dude! How are feeling? How are your kids coping?


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

I am doing very good, my kids are doing as well as could be expected. I think everything will be better, no more arguing around the boys.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

forlorn99 said:


> I am doing very good, my kids are doing as well as could be expected. I think everything will be better, no more arguing around the boys.


She has to live with herself now.

Good luck with that one.


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