# Bringing another woman into the bedroom.



## jone66 (Mar 19, 2018)

I'm a woman and a wife of 25 years. So my husband wanted to have a threesome with our friend. I was against it at first but he talked me into it saying that there will be no penetration or kissing her. So we got really drunk the other night and just did it. Woke up the next morning and was sooooo upset and violated and was disgusted. He kept saying it was beautiful and natural. I disagreed. I was crying telling him that I saw him fingering her and she was just all over me. I still can't get the images out my head that he was touching someone else. We've never cheated and we have a wonderful relationship. I just don't know what to do. I feel so broken.


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

I think that is awful. It's adultery actually. It will surely affect your intimacy. I would say don't put up with it. I bet he got this off some porn site on the internet.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Tell him you'll be inviting another man in and it will be beautiful and natural.


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## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

jone66 said:


> I'm a woman and a wife of 25 years. So my husband wanted to have a threesome with our friend. I was against it at first but he talked me into it saying that there will be no penetration or kissing her. So we got really drunk the other night and just did it. Woke up the next morning and was sooooo upset and violated and was disgusted. He kept saying it was beautiful and natural. I disagreed. I was crying telling him that I saw him fingering her and she was just all over me. I still can't get the images out my head that he was touching someone else. We've never cheated and we have a wonderful relationship. I just don't know what to do. I feel so broken.


Okay, "there will be no penetration or kissing her", hmmm., what the hell was he expecting then? OMG, this is wrong on so many levels. First, how could he "talk you into this"?
Secondly, this is not a Nike commercial where you "just do it". Yes, of course you feel upset, violated, and disgusted; because you know it was wrong.

It's going to be tough to get through this one..... I just pray he doesn't have the nerve to ask you to do it again....:slap:


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## [email protected] (Mar 1, 2018)

Gah! Why people violate trust in this way, it's just so stupid. The really bad part of this is that instead of accepting your feelings he is still invalidating them.

We have an open marriage of sorts. I have girlfriends with her approval. We've done threesomes but I don't really like it because the wife takes control and orders us around too much. 

It took YEARS to develop this and the wife was the one pushing for it. Yet, anytime she started feeling jealous I was instantly validating her feelings because her feelings are facts. There isn't any argument about facts. I have stopped right in the middle of bedding someone, numerous times, because the wife sent a text signalling jealousy. I would text that things were underway. She would be egging me on. Then something would happen. 

In your case, so many red flags. He pressured you. He lied. You were drunk. He is invalidating your feelings after it happened.

Your husband has no idea how much damage he has caused out of his lust for this kind of thing. You might even be able to work things through if he were capable of demonstrating empathy and compassion for your feelings. 

He really needs to be hit over the head with a 2X4 to wake up. Have you told him he is headed for divorce if he does not pull his head out of his rear end?


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

It sounds like you got drunk to get up the nerve to carry through with whatever it was you seemed to think your husband talked you into, within some rules. Now you hate the fact you agreed, and you believe he did not abide by the rules you set up. Right?

Of course you should not have let him talk you into it, but such is life. Now you have to deal with the fallout. The worst of which is your husband refusing to acknowledge he has hurt your feelings. His obstinacy and disrespectful attitude towards you hurts the worst, I suspect.

You are angry at him for asking, angry at yourself for agreeing, angry at him for ignoring your rules, and for dissing you now.

Be angry.

He should care about you much more than he does.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

jone66,

Sorry you are here. 

You know this means you can never be around the "friend" again. If the "friend" has a husband or SO please do the right thing and apologize to him or her.

There's chance your H was already intimate with the friend and this was a way of legitimizing it.

Had this friend already made passes at you or your H?

Tamat


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Threesomes are nothing more than  carte blanche  in permitting active cheating within the confines of what should always be a totally committed relationship!

By permitting a threesome in a marriage bed, you get to visually condone watching him cheat, just as he gets to watch you do the very same thing to him!

It greatly appears that you got to learn this age-old lesson the hard way!

So now that it's happened, and that you found it to be both emotionally damaging and physically disgusting, exactly what are you going to do about it?*


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## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

lifeistooshort said:


> Tell him you'll be inviting another man in and it will be beautiful and natural.


>


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

jone66 said:


> I'm a woman and a wife of 25 years. So my husband wanted to have a threesome with our friend. I was against it at first but he talked me into it saying that there will be no penetration or kissing her. So we got really drunk the other night and just did it. Woke up the next morning and was sooooo upset and violated and was disgusted. He kept saying it was beautiful and natural. I disagreed. I was crying telling him that I saw him fingering her and she was just all over me. I still can't get the images out my head that he was touching someone else. We've never cheated and we have a wonderful relationship. I just don't know what to do. I feel so broken.


So he got your consent to cheat. Well, actually, it wasn't cheating since you agreed.

But c'mon, ma'am. When he said there will be no penetration, did you think about his fingers? Can you know for certain that he did? Normally, "penetration" means no intercourse with the penis. That's the only thing that would have crossed my mind, and I think it's the only thing that crossed your mind too. So surely you expected something to occur between them. Otherwise, what did you expect? That your friend would just sit and look? She would just rub his head?

I don't think anything occurred that wasn't expected to happen, but you're having a very hard time dealing with your regrets now. You did agree to this, so find a way to deal with it. Maybe counseling will help. But yourself is the one to be mad at, not your husband. His was a very common fantasy, and he didn't do anything wrong to ask you for it. You just should not have agreed. So remember that you did agree, and don't be mad at your husband.

But I do agree with you that there NOTHING beautiful or natural about it. That's just in his mind. Tell him to keep it to himself and not ever repeat those words to you.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Tell him you'll be inviting another man in and it will be beautiful and natural.


OP, if you have the fortitude, this is fair advice but don't do anymore damage to yourself regardless.

Your husband should be ashamed of himself for doing this while you were not sober and fully consenting. He is a denying piece of **** 💩 for not being horrified about your pain!

I don't see how to get past this while he isn't facing reality and being compassionate towards you!

Do you have any thug relatives that could tune him up? Your husband really makes me angry.

You might have to be willing to take a step or two back from what you thought was a good marriage and really look at it.

I can't imagine doing something like this to my wife and then not holding her and begging her forgiveness for hurting her afterwards.

Your husband needs a sharp wake up.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> OP, if you have the fortitude, this is fair advice but don't do anymore damage to yourself regardless.
> 
> Your husband should be ashamed of himself for doing this while you were not sober and fully consenting. He is a denying piece of **** 💩 for not being horrified about your pain!
> 
> ...


I agree with this and I would focus on the line she said "We've never cheated and we have a wonderful relationship"

That tells me that she has never cheated but I'm not sure so sure that can be said for him, in 100% certainty. 

I'm afraid to even ask how they knew the other woman, if she is married, attached, etc. It puts a lot more shame on the entire situation. Even though many mistakes were made here, it's not to late to tell him how you feel and that you never want this again and if he does, he will have to find 2 other women then because you will be gone.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OP
I'm sorry this happened - while there are a small minority of couples who can enjoy bringing someone else into the bedroom, most cant. 

That said, you did agree - unless you feel that you were so intoxicated that you couldn't give consent. 

The "no penetration" agreement is not all that clear - he may have felt that fingers didn't count. In a sense it doesn't matter anyway - you agreed to his having a sexual interaction with another woman, I don't think the exact nature of that interaction matters. 

I think that from where you are now, the best think to do is to let him know that it really didn't work for you - that afterwards you found yourself very upset, and that this can never happen again. 


If you were coerced / tricked etc into this, then its a different situation. If you consented, then I'm very sorry it went badly, but I can't really fault him for it.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You say you all got really drunk.
How do you know he didn't have sex with her?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

jone66 said:


> I'm a woman and a wife of 25 years. So my husband wanted to have a threesome with our friend. I was against it at first but he talked me into it saying that there will be no penetration or kissing her. So we got really drunk the other night and just did it. Woke up the next morning and was sooooo upset and violated and was disgusted. He kept saying it was beautiful and natural. I disagreed. I was crying telling him that I saw him fingering her and she was just all over me. I still can't get the images out my head that he was touching someone else. We've never cheated and we have a wonderful relationship. I just don't know what to do. I feel so broken.


Is she your friend or your husband's friend? Who invited her? Because if he set it up there is a good chance he has been having an affair with her.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> *Tell him you'll be inviting another man in and it will be beautiful and natural.*


*And that you'll be more than happy to help arrange for an audience to come over and watch "that other man" provide him with the most "beautiful and natural" experience of him getting 'packed!'

God, I think I'm making myself sick now!*


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## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

bandit.45 said:


> Is she your friend or your husband's friend? Who invited her? Because if he set it up there is a good chance he has been having an affair with her.


It's probably some woman from church.....:lol:


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Quite often the actual seemingly agreed upon act has taken years of subtle and not so subtle coercion on the part of the spouse who needs to push the sexual envelope.


Yeah- OP agreed but why?


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

If he was not having an affair with her before
i bet he does now!!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Tell him you'll be inviting another man in and it will be beautiful and natural.


How is that fair when THEY got totally drunk and "just did it"?


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

jone66 said:


> I'm a woman and a wife of 25 years. So my husband wanted to have a threesome with our friend. I was against it at first but he talked me into it saying that there will be no penetration or kissing her. So we got really drunk the other night and just did it. Woke up the next morning and was sooooo upset and violated and was disgusted. He kept saying it was beautiful and natural. I disagreed. I was crying telling him that I saw him fingering her and she was just all over me. I still can't get the images out my head that he was touching someone else. We've never cheated and we have a wonderful relationship. I just don't know what to do. I feel so broken.



The obvious thing to say about this is that you shouldn’t have agreed to something that would make you feel uncomfortable.

But these things are never that simple. You probably didn’t know how it would make you feel afterwards and you wanted to do a nice thing for him. He should have known or thought about what it would do to you so I do think both of you should acknowledge that you were at fault and try and learn from it. Your husband should not be dismissing your feelings about it now - it’s a very vulnerable time for your relationship right now.

For the future, i think it really helps (when discussing to do a particular fantasy) discussing exactly which aspect of it is the main turn on (and not lie to yourself and the spouse). You can avoid a lot of pitfalls. 

I discussed it a few times with my wife but as soon as I noticed that the aspects that would turn me on about it would actually be a turn off for her, it made me realise that it would be a HUGE mistake to go there.

For example it’s really important to understand whether the reason he would want to have a threesome is because he wants to be intimate with that particular woman (which is basically cheating with your permission and making you watch) or some other reason. Likewise, it would be important to understand why a woman would want to emanate in a threesome: is it because it turns her on seeing her husband **** someone else to augment her desire or some other reason.

Actually I would be interested to know the reasons why people (especially women) like to engage in those dangerous things in the first place. It seems the risks outweigh the pleasures BY FAR. Maybe will start a new thread.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

In the relatively rare cases where one person is bisexual and both have very low jealousy, I think 3-somes can work. Each gets to live out a fantasy, 

There are some couples for whom this works - and I have no objections to them enjoy this. For most couples though it can end in disaster. 



inmyprime said:


> SNIP
> 
> For example it’s really important to understand whether the reason he would want to have a threesome is because he wants to be intimate with that particular woman (which is basically cheating with your permission and making you watch) or some other reason. Likewise, it would be important to understand why a woman would want to emanate in a threesome: is it because it turns her on seeing her husband **** someone else to augment her desire or some other reason.
> 
> ...


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

uhtred said:


> In the relatively rare cases where one person is bisexual and both have very low jealousy, I think 3-somes can work. Each gets to live out a fantasy,
> 
> There are some couples for whom this works - and I have no objections to them enjoy this. For most couples though it can end in disaster.


Actually, in the case of a FFM, I think both women would have to be bisexual (and not jealous) for it to have any chance of working. I would love to give credit where credit is due; I wish I could recall who said

_Most men are clueless about how to satisfy just *one *woman. What the hell makes them think they can handle *two*? _


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Sorry this happened.

Tell him never again! That it repulsed you! 

That he should never ever ask again. If you think it would help get some marriage counseling.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

The Russian roulette of relationships strikes again.

How exactly did he know she would want to do it?


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Actually, in the case of a FFM, I think both women would have to be bisexual (and not jealous) for it to have any chance of working. I would love to give credit where credit is due; I wish I could recall who said
> 
> _Most men are clueless about how to satisfy just *one *woman. What the hell makes them think they can handle *two*? _


Risk husband runs is wife decides FF sex is better than his rinse and repeat.

Or- husband and blowup doll fall in love.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> _Most men are clueless about how to satisfy just *one *woman. What the hell makes them think they can handle *two*? _


They can't; in most cases they are still making the one woman very miserable, instead of thinking they can satisfy two.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

sandcastle said:


> Risk husband runs is wife decides FF sex is better than his rinse and repeat.
> 
> Or- husband and blowup doll fall in love.


Surely the bigger risk is that seeing the husband **** another person could forever change the wife's perception of him?


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> Surely the bigger risk is that seeing the husband **** another person could forever change the wife's perception of him?


Pretty sure the constant PA ankle biting whining, porn shopping etc was changing the perception and NOW she gets to feel filthy ... 

But- let's be enlightened and we are consenting adults- what is the big deal?

Apparently it is a huge deal to OP and no one should drunk/**** shame her. 

Spousal abuse comes in many forms and sexual abuse is up there.

No one sees what goes on behind closed doors.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Yes, agree. in an ABB, (or BBA, or ABA) threesome I think both A's need to be bisexual or someone isn't going to be enjoying themselves. If one of the B's is for hire, then they have to pretend to be bisexual. 






Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Actually, in the case of a FFM, I think both women would have to be bisexual (and not jealous) for it to have any chance of working. I would love to give credit where credit is due; I wish I could recall who said
> 
> _Most men are clueless about how to satisfy just *one *woman. What the hell makes them think they can handle *two*? _


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

uhtred said:


> Yes, agree. in an ABB, (or BBA, or ABA) threesome I think both A's need to be bisexual or someone isn't going to be enjoying themselves.


Weeeell ... Sure, for ABB or BBA scenarios the B's are likely to be bisexual from what I've seen. Most ABA or whatever are more likely to all be straight (otherwise they'd probably be doing ABB or BBA). The focus in ABA is mainly on the B person, but the A's rarely miss out on anything, in my experience. Usually - with carefully chosen partners and parameters in place - everybody has an extraordinarily fun time. Those who are ill-prepared, reluctant, or ambivalent, seldom fully enjoy themselves - unless they're just lucky.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jone66 said:


> I'm a woman and a wife of 25 years. So my husband wanted to have a threesome with our friend. I was against it at first but he talked me into it saying that there will be no penetration or kissing her. So we got really drunk the other night and just did it. Woke up the next morning and was sooooo upset and violated and was disgusted. He kept saying it was beautiful and natural. I disagreed. I was crying telling him that I saw him fingering her and she was just all over me. I still can't get the images out my head that he was touching someone else. We've never cheated and we have a wonderful relationship. I just don't know what to do. I feel so broken.


Oh dear. 
That's why you don't bring another person into the marriage. No its not beautiful or natural, its adultery and it destroys marriages. 
I couldn't be with a man who persuaded me to do something that I clearly didn't want to do, nor who wasn't prepared to be faithful. I would have to end that marriage. 
He may well want to do this again and you clearly don't and why should you? You both promised to be faithful when you married and now that promise is shattered.
Not sure where you go from here, that's your choice, but if you do stay, please never ever agree to this again.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

another one post wonder thread?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

As'laDain said:


> another one post wonder thread?


Yeah, unless she comes back, there's not much point of continuing the discussion.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Um Excuse Me said:


> It's probably some woman from church.....:lol:


Damn, I can't like this enough and I so wish TAM had the facebook "love" button.

Even IF this is one post wonder.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

The OP posted once a week ago, so this thread is now closed. 

If OP returns and wishes to contribute she can PM a mod and have it reopened.


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