# My wifes love for me has diminished...



## JAE_1803 (Sep 30, 2010)

We married young, 18 for me and 20 for her. We'll be married 6 years in a few months and have a 3 year old. I love my wife with all my heart; I could not imagine a life without her. For the last 5 years I have struggled with alcohol and because of this struggle I have just about erased all the love my wife has for me. I went to AA last year and managed to attain a year of sobriety with ease. A few months ago I began drinking at home, beer only and kept it very minimal. Together my wife and I decided that there wasn't an addiction but more of an irresponsibility and immaturity issue. With a year, we both thought that I had changed. After a year of sobriety and a few months of drinking responsibly, I had an incident. We went to a wedding, I drank too much, and when asked by my wife to stop drinking, I persuaded her to back off. Needless to say, an hour later I had drank too much and gave life to my wife’s fears. My wife feels after all the issues that have come about due to my drinking that I would just stop, that if she were to ask me to stop, I would listen. I never learned to do that, even with a year of not drinking. She says she feels like I screwed her over, that I am not the same person she married, and that the love she felt for me has transformed to her just co-existing with me for the betterment of our child. We have a good relationship when alcohol is not involved and are very passionate. But she is obviously not "in love" with me and is just waiting for feelings to return or for me to screw up bad enough for her to be forced to leave. I know anything else will end our marriage and I am not going to be drinking anymore and will be returning to AA. I also made a commitment to be a better Christian and return to church. I need help to restore my wife’s trust and love. I know how I feel, I love my wife so much, and I will not disappoint her again. What should I be focusing on to get her feelings back? I know she wants things to be better; she has so much faith in me. She prays constantly about our marriage, she is much more spiritual than I am. This was typed very fast and is very light on details. Any ideas on what to do, where to start, books, anything will help. I know our marriage is still very new and with time we can both have everything we desire from one another. Sorry so "all over the place" any questions please ask, thanks.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

As an alcoholic myself, I can only say that by your own deeds will you be judged.

If you continue to show her that you are not drinking, attending meetings and trying to improve yourself, you will regain her trust and love for you.

But if you get into a "just one beer" situation again, you are just telling her that the booze is more important.


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## JAE_1803 (Sep 30, 2010)

Thanks for your reply Chris.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

The best way to get her to trust you and bring back her feelings is to stop drinking. That step is your biggest, most important step; and honestly, it's going to require most of your focus right now, I think. You made the same mistake a lot of alcoholics make, in thinking they are not really an alcoholic and can drink again. Now you've learned you can't. You've got lots of motivation to stop, and you already did once, so I believe you can again. 

Any time you feel tempted to think that you can handle just one beer, or just a few, remember this situation and resist. If you start drinking again, she probably will leave. Stay sober, and that alone will go a long way toward fixing your relationship.


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