# Sooo.... still waiting...



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

A vent, sort of rambles, sorry... 
Thank you in advance for reading. 
About a month ago (in fact the beginning of June) my husband and I had a heart to heart and then he left on a trip. He came back and said he understood why I was so distant and that he felt like **** that he had pushed me away, he actually read some materials that I had given him. I accepted his new romantic gestures, but honestly with a grain of salt, because we have done this go round before and he does it just long enough to make me feel better and then stops again and goes back to his normal, sex jokes, flat out sex requests, etc. This does the reverse for my drive, it doesn't turn me on, it turns me off. I have told him this. He says when we dated we had excellent sex, and even into the first few years of our marriage.... it dwindled, he brought it up. I told him I felt like he didn't put much effort into it, but that by point, my answers went unheard all he was doing was counting. 7 days was too long.. yada yada.... so anyway i upped the anty, big time, for a good year... got nothing in return, except his request to play sex games. I told him when we had the conversation in June, I am like an oven, with two preheat buttons, my head and my heart, and he must preheat those first... not all the time, but most of the time. Just as I presumed, he did it just long enough to get me to shut up.... and now here we are to where the other night I asked him "got ten mins?" simply because that was a line he used on me before, and because I wanted to avoid an argument when my period comes, any day now (although I will honor my monthly to completion blow job - that satisfied his request for just because the vajayjay was shut down didn't mean I didn't need to please him)... 
Unfortunately I am dealing with a selfish (and childish) man. He is a great father, because he is a big kid, but in terms of a lover, I'm left many times feeling that I have to do the work, mentally, emotionally, and physically to get off.... I'm drained. Over 11 years we've been together, the last I guestimate 5... we've been back and forth. 
He cried the night we talked and said he knew how we got to this point and he was sorry and he wanted it back and how ****ty he felt, etc. I told him that was exactly how I felt when he said our sex life was all my fault. Although he never went longer than a month.... because he would hound me....but I have for the most part moved past that, I read and understand that is his number one desire, why can he not understand my number one desire is to FEEL wanted by him. 
I can go to a clients and feel they are attracted to me. I do not feel that from my husband... 
And to add another mix to the pot, there is a new female friend he is going above and beyond to help... he could tell the other night I was a bit aggrivated (I get quiet) and he all of a sudden laid on the charm.... really? This was a well thought out attempt on his part to make me feel his was being genuine, long enough until he asked if I was upset with him. I said no. How should I be? Why should I care that he goes above and beyond to help other women, when I have specifically stated my needs..... 
He stated the night we talked he knew i had distanced myself. yes I have, to avoid getting hurt when the guantlet comes down... I feel like he has responded instead of hearing me and putting a plan into action with distance himself... I feel my marriage crumbling, and keep playing in my mind, when we had a discussion just before the one in June, and I asked him a question (cannot remember exactly how I phrased it) he said he loved me because he wouldn't be where he was in life today if it wasn't for me..... that stuck with me.... almost like he doesn't love me for me anymore, but for the life I provide (I am the breadwinner) and for the extra time he does get to spend with the kids, as I mentioned he is a great father. I would never want to take any credit away from him on that.... 
I just needed to vent. Thank you for listening. 
Please don't tell me to read his needs her needs, been there, done that.... We are both in a state of mutual diminished attraction.... and although I thought I could get it back, it's not something I can do alone, and for him, it's mostly physical... although he did comment on a new shirt I wore today... I sometimes wish for one day I could get into his head.... see what he really thinks about me.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

livelaugh...I also saw your post in the mens section. Honey, I'm starting to think he is developing an EA or a crush on someone else.

BUT....let's say it isn't that for the moment....was there ever a time when he gave you what you are asking him for now? And was it consistent? Or do you look back now and see that you brushed by on things that you really wanted but weren't getting and married him anyway?


----------



## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

He may wish to see what is going on in your head, to see what you really think about him. Some men may need a roadmap to help them get to the where you want the happy relationship. It may help to draw that map together.


----------



## bobbieb65 (Jan 24, 2013)

Ugh, LLLN, I've got one of these, too. My H's way of romancing me for sex is grabbing at my breast and grinning at me or rubbing my feet as a form of foreplay I've had heart to hearts with him over and over and over, even our MC has said something to him. 

He never compliments me, ever, even if I give him one. I don't think he notices anything...I lost 30lbs in 2011 and he didn't say a thing until I brought it up. I've re-landscaped most of our property by myself this year and I get nothing. Instead, he'll empty the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen for me...because I've been too busy doing other things or I'm don't meeting his cleanliness standards:scratchhead: I still don't know if I should be glad he's helping out doing household task, which he never did before, or insulted

A few weeks ago, after having yet another talk about what he needs to do to seduce me, I crawled into bed after he was already asleep. He turned over and grabbed me, pulled be close and started to slowly kiss and caress me. Of course this lead to sex but why on earth can he only do this when he's half asleep??? Jump forward to last weekend...we both shower and hit the sheets after a long day and what does he do??? He starts rubbing my feet, WTF:scratchhead: Lets just say I took care of his needs without having mine fulfilled that night

I hate to be a b***h but if I have to turn down his sexual advances because he's unwilling to do what I need then so be it...I have my toys and he's got two hands


----------



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> livelaugh...I also saw your post in the mens section. Honey, I'm starting to think he is developing an EA or a crush on someone else.
> 
> BUT....let's say it isn't that for the moment....was there ever a time when he gave you what you are asking him for now? And was it consistent? Or do you look back now and see that you brushed by on things that you really wanted but weren't getting and married him anyway?


There was a time he gave me everything I needed... and more.


----------



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

bobbieb65 said:


> Ugh, LLLN, I've got one of these, too. My H's way of romancing me for sex is grabbing at my breast and grinning at me or rubbing my feet as a form of foreplay I've had heart to hearts with him over and over and over, even our MC has said something to him.
> 
> He never compliments me, ever, even if I give him one. I don't think he notices anything...I lost 30lbs in 2011 and he didn't say a thing until I brought it up. I've re-landscaped most of our property by myself this year and I get nothing. Instead, he'll empty the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen for me...because I've been too busy doing other things or I'm don't meeting his cleanliness standards:scratchhead: I still don't know if I should be glad he's helping out doing household task, which he never did before, or insulted
> 
> ...


Does your hubs have a foot fetish? Maybe he thinks you like it?


----------



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

harrybrown said:


> He may wish to see what is going on in your head, to see what you really think about him. Some men may need a roadmap to help them get to the where you want the happy relationship. It may help to draw that map together.


Please describe this roadmap? When I have been very specific to my needs my wants, etc... and he his, and I worked to meet his, but got mostly nothing in return, and now he wonders why I am distant?


----------

