# considered an affair or not



## fireemtmom7 (Nov 3, 2009)

My husband and I have been recieving text messages from an unknown person (were pretty sure it is his daughter from a previous relationship). My text messages consist of totally downing me and saying that my husband dont love me and you should see how he talks about me behind my back. Just very degrading things are being said about me. However my husbands text are, I love you and VERY VERY explicit sexual text messages. My dilemma is I work 48 hour shifts. My husband asked me how to deal with them when I wasnt home. I told him the way you feel is right. So he stated " I will ignore the texts until you get home and we can deal with them together". I said sounds good. These messages are downright disgusting on the explicit sexual situations. Well I worked sat and sun. So on sat around 10ish I recieved 4 or 5 messages and opened and read them and forwarded to him. He didnt comment on recieving any or not. So I talked to him probably 15 more times that day and nothing was said about him getting any messages. Well I thought this was weird so I asked him around 5ish if he gotten any. His reply was yes. I asked what time he said around 1030 that morning. I was hurt and very mad because he didnt think it was important enough to tell me. So I asked him if he had read any and he said yes he read the first 5 and didnt read the next 5. Well this totally blew me for a loop and back several times. Then I find out that the ones he opened were the really mush explicit sexual ones. The ones that were not sexual were not opened. Well I feel very violated and also feel like he has basically committed an affair and lied and tried to cover it up. I asked him why he opened the first one and he said "curiosity" I said well when it was so sexual why did you keep opening them. He had no answer to this. 


So what is everyones input on this? How should I deal with it? Is it considered an mental affair?


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## Lostandconfused (Jul 6, 2009)

Well, this is a tough one. I can understand why you're upset. Having said that I think you're mostly angry with this woman leaving these type of texts and your husband just didn't handle this well either. I don't blame you for being angry. I would be too but at HER. I'd be disappointed in him, that's a whole different ball game.

I'd say that he read the first and then it was just like a train wreck and he couldn't believe his eyes. Once he read them, then he probably just felt like OMG how AM I gonna tell my wife? Did he think ... no. But was it an affair, I don't think so.

I'd set some definite ground rules of how you're going to handle this going forward. I have to ask though, why don't you just block the phone number. Then she can't bother either of you or better yet turn this over to the police. They can find out who it's coming from and handle it. If a man were sending you this type of text, I can bet your hubby would be all for turning it over to the police and you would be too. It's the same thing coming from her to him. The texts to you are threatening, imo. I'd for sure report them.

Now, finally, I think your hubby owes you a big apology and a clear promise he won't handle it this way again. But cut him some slack. He'll either behave or hang himself out to dry by his actions.

Best of luck,
Just my $0.02.
Lost


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Change your cell numbers and solve the problem.


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## mrsbroken (Sep 23, 2009)

I agree with Corpuswife change your numbers. I made my hubby change his number after his EA


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