# Sexual Double Standard



## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

Out of respect for sarah jamil, I wanted to start a new thread and not hijack her already hijacked post.  
In the Men’s Clubhouse there is a thread titled *“First Meeting Ended in Sex, Can you Still Marry Her?”*. The OP asked us men our opinions on this. Some men posted that it’s probably not going to happen and the “too easy” thing would be tough for the OP’s love to overcome/forget. There were some boos from the gallery from women about this, decrying the double-standard. 

Ladies, I have a question. Imagine that your daughter has come to you (let’s say) four consecutive times sobbing and saying that she slept with a guy on the first date and now she wants to take the relationship to a higher level (maybe marriage). And each time her boyfriend does not/cannot view her as marriage material because they had sex on the first date. She is sobbing and asking you why this keeps happening. At any point, do you suggest that she stop sleeping with guys on the first date (maybe get to know them more, establish a more solid foundation to the relationship, etc) or since she is doing nothing wrong by sleeping with them on the first date, do you tell her to keep sleeping with guys on the first date until she finds a guy that accepts it? Any opinions are appreciated.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I can't not agree with you. I have a daughter and if she came to me with this problem I would have advised her to not sleep with men on the first date if that was causing her problems. But how is that a double-standard? I'm simply providing her a solution to her problem - the men she slept with think she is easy because she slept with them on the first date, so she needs to change her behavior and see what happens.

But - you have men that have no problem with women sleeping with them on the first date.

I don't want to paint myself as a s*** here, but I slept with both my husband's on the first date. First marriage lasted 5 years and it will be 26 years for the second one next month. And guess what, this never came up as an issue or a problem in either marriage - in fact it's never even been discussed.

While I don't personally think sleeping with someone on the first date makes you non-marriage material or a terrible person, if that behavior was keeping my daughter from a relationship she wanted, then I would advise her to change the behavior, regardless of what that behavior was.

While it doesn't work for everyone, maybe men should think twice about this little double-standard. Maybe those women that sleep with you on the first date really love sex and since sex seems to be a big issue here on TAM, that could be the woman for you!

Another way to look at things...


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I would present her with both choices. I would ask her what she thought of the consequences of each choice. Upon discussing all the facts, I would then make no recommendation as to what her behavior should be. She can make her own choices. If she asked my opinion, I would tell her that I would not marry a man with such a double standard. I would not consider him husband material regardless of whether or not anyone had slept with anyone ever.


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I can't not agree with you.


What exactly are you disagreeing with? 
I asked a question and seeked an answer.

Btw, the "double standard" theme is talked about in the thread that I originally referenced.


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> I would present her with both choices. I would ask her what she thought of the consequences of each choice. Upon discussing all the facts, I would then make no recommendation as to what her behavior should be. She can make her own choices. If she asked my opinion, I would tell her that I would not marry a man with such a double standard. I would not consider him husband material regardless of whether or not anyone had slept with anyone ever.


Interesting...


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Orion said:


> What exactly are you disagreeing with?
> I asked a question and seeked an answer.
> 
> Btw, the "double standard" theme is talked about in the thread that I originally referenced.


What I was referring to is that I can't NOT agree with you that I would advise my daughter to change her behavior if it was keeping her from her goal.

Any type of behavior. This particular post deals with sexual behavior.

And I also agree with VT, I wouldn't advise her or nor would I marry a man that presented that double standard to me either. I'm sure he can find some other girl who he thinks is "pure" enough to marry.

And I have been on the other post and read all those post(s) also, some of which are mine.

You asked for opinions - this is mine.


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> What I was referring to is that I can't NOT agree with you that I would advise my daughter to change her behavior if it was keeping her from her goal.
> 
> Any type of behavior. This particular post deals with sexual behavior.
> 
> ...


Wait, you wouldn't advise her to marry a man that presented the double-standard but you would suggest that, as a solution, she changes her behavior (stop sleeping with men on the first date)...thus somewhat avoiding the issue all together. If she is not in the wrong for sleeping with guys on the first date, why should she stop her behavior?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Orion said:


> Wait, you wouldn't advise her to marry a man that presented the double-standard but you would suggest that, as a solution, she changes her behavior (stop sleeping with men on the first date)...thus somewhat avoiding the issue all together. If she is not in the wrong for sleeping with guys on the first date, why should she stop her behavior?


I can't speak for her, but there are disadvantages to being too open. She needs to be aware of them as well.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Orion said:


> Wait, you wouldn't advise her to marry a man that presented the double-standard but you would suggest that, as a solution, she changes her behavior (stop sleeping with men on the first date)...thus somewhat avoiding the issue all together. If she is not in the wrong for sleeping with guys on the first date, why should she stop her behavior?


Good grief - I gave a simple opinion and it's turned into analyzing every single word I posted.

I wrote, I would advise her to stop the behavior if it was keeping her from her goal - not that the behavior is wrong - they are two completely separate things.

And I would advise her not to marry this particular type of man, not because of a double standard, but because his attitude to me appears to be judgmental and controlling, which means it probably applies to other areas of his life and women, not just sex.

If I have not made my post clearer to you, then I don't know what else to do, maybe its just womanspeak versus manspeak.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Well I’m a child of the 50s. I have seen and lived the changes in the times since then. I’m English and now my country has the highest percentage of single parent families in Europe and I think the world. The single parent in these families is the mother.

What’s changed since the 1950s? Back then the Welfare State was new. It was a new concept where everyone who worked paid National Health Insurance. This gave “free” access to health care to anyone who needed it. It’s been abused a lot by people visiting England just to get their health problems fixed but essentially it’s a good system.

The Welfare State concept over the years has evolved and changed and it is now huge, massive.

What else has changed to get us to the situation where out of a population of around 50 million we have over a million single parent families?

Social Liberalist Feminism. Here is the latest and probably “worse case” of the impact of our Welfare State combined with SLF in England http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...eith-Macdonald-having-4-children-engaged.html.

It is a pet subject of mine. I have found every SLF woman I have ever spoken to about the Negative Effects of SLF totally wash their hands of this downside to the whole thing. Not one of them will even begin to recognise the damage it has done to the Traditional English Family let alone accept any form of responsibility.

It is the combination of our massive Welfare State along with SLF that has led to this very sorry state of affairs in my country. And there is certainly no way to turn the clock back to the 1950s. It is an epidemic of massive proportions.

And what’s all that got to do with the original post? It is the woman of the species that bears the child. It’s therefore the woman’s responsibility to check the man out before taking the risk of having a baby. That’s why it’s different between men and women.

Bob


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Good grief - I gave a simple opinion and it's turned into analyzing every single word I posted.


I don't think so. I think it is a genuine desire to understand. I think often what one says goes out through one set of filter and goes into the receiver with a different set of filters. And the meaning becomes unclear. Thus a request for clarification is required.



> I wrote, I would advise her to stop the behavior if it was keeping her from her goal - not that the behavior is wrong - they are two completely separate things.


What confused me is what is the goal? If the goal is to eventually find a man appropriate to marry, and a man with a double standard would be a bad mate, then the only thing served by not sleeping with men on the first date is to add bad mates to the possible mate pool. 

That is the bit I did not understand.




> And I would advise her not to marry this particular type of man, not because of a double standard, but because his attitude to me appears to be judgmental and controlling, which means it probably applies to other areas of his life and women, not just sex.


Oh I am glad you clarified that.



> If I have not made my post clearer to you, then I don't know what else to do, maybe its just womanspeak versus manspeak.


English is English.


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Good grief - I gave a simple opinion and it's turned into analyzing every single word I posted.
> 
> I wrote, I would advise her to stop the behavior if it was keeping her from her goal - not that the behavior is wrong - they are two completely separate things.
> 
> ...


Here's the thing, in the original post in question, "First Meeting Ended in Sex, Can you Still Marry Her?" as opposed to simplying decrying the double-standard (after the men told the OP that her behavior would not help her achieve her goal), why did the women not give the OP the same advice/guidance that you would give your own daughter? I saw no mention of the fact that sleeping with guys on the first date was counter-productive to her goal. Just find it curious.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I tell my daughter now not to sleep with men on the first date (she's 14 and although not sexually active, it's coming up soon enough). We had a discussion about what we tell our daughters in the ladies lounge. Then we also discussed what we tell our sons.

And guess what! I would be just as upset with my son if he slept with a girl on a first date as I would my daughter! I think that's the key. The double standard doesn't exist except in the minds of men...as an excuse!


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

Trenton said:


> The double standard doesn't exist except in the minds of men...as an excuse!


I would whole-heartledly agree with you if it wasn't for the fact that I have heard women say the exact same thing as men reagarding this issue.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Orion said:


> I would whole-heartledly agree with you if it wasn't for the fact that I have heard women say the exact same thing as men reagarding this issue.


Not all men say this and not all women, correct? So isn't it more logical to come to the conclusion that good men and women recognize the double standard for what it is, are able to hold either gender responsible for their actions and the consequences and promote and model positive role models for both boys & girls, men & women?


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

Trenton said:


> Not all men say this and not all women, correct? So isn't it more logical to come to the conclusion that good men and women recognize the double standard for what it is, are able to hold either gender responsible for their actions and the consequences and promote and model positive role models for both boys & girls, men & women?


Hmm, maybe. I think that it is also more reality-based to understand that sometimes equal actions do not have proportional repercussions. I think that ignoring this isn't exactly smart either.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Orion said:


> Hmm, maybe. I think that it is also more reality-based to understand that sometimes equal actions do not have proportional repercussions. I think that ignoring this isn't exactly smart either.


This is like saying that if something is accepted practice by the whole of society, it is unreasonable to challenge and try to change it. In standing up and fighting for what you believe, you are not ignoring the vast opposition, you are laying the groundwork for positive change.

Women deserve more respect for the emotional, multi-faceted creatures that they are. Many women and men fight against this. I know. It is why it's always such a difficult fight.

Men already receive respect for the more logical, simple creatures they are. I know this as well. 

To not equally value both and see and admire their differences as well as understand that beyond our gender we are all also unique individuals is an injustice to us all. To believe it is just the way things are and so we should accept this is an equal injustice to us all.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Trenton said:


> I tell my daughter now not to sleep with men on the first date (she's 14 and although not sexually active, it's coming up soon enough). We had a discussion about what we tell our daughters in the ladies lounge. Then we also discussed what we tell our sons.
> 
> And guess what! I would be just as upset with my son if he slept with a girl on a first date as I would my daughter! I think that's the key. The double standard doesn't exist except in the minds of men...as an excuse!


Is there any other place than anyone thought the double standard existed except in people's mind? I contend that it exists in some women's minds as well.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Is there any other place than anyone thought the double standard existed except in people's mind? I contend that it exists in some women's minds as well.


It does but why is that and how does that make it more acceptable?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Trenton said:


> It does but why is that and how does that make it more acceptable?


Doesn't. I think it is stupid. But I was not sure I understood what you were saying.

See the way you look at it is good. You DON'T think it is appropriate to be loose. (Or whatever non-pejorative of the same...) But apply it consistently. It is not the to be or not to be loose. It is values applying the same that is my point.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Doesn't. I think it is stupid. But I was not sure I understood what you were saying.
> 
> See the way you look at it is good. You DON'T think it is appropriate to be loose. (Or whatever non-pejorative of the same...) But apply it consistently. It is not the to be or not to be loose. It is values applying the same that is my point.


Honestly, loose or not loose, I think that's a choice made by two individuals and I don't believe I am the person that has the right to decide that for anyone else besides myself. So I'm only speaking on behalf of myself when I'm rambling on and that comes from my personal experience. I am capable of understanding that a lot went into a sexual decision that I have no knowledge about so judgement would be short sighted and ignorant.

I do always care when it applies to my sons and my daughter though, very much so, but this comes from a deep love I feel for them.

Having rambled even more, I think we agree.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I just re-read your post and I'm thinking I repeated what you said only with more words. Plastic was correct, I have a reading comprehension problem. lol


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Since both of my daughters are grown, and one is married (to a man she didn't have sex with on the first date)...I can just say what I told them. Understanding that I'm a product of my upbringing who had a VERY traditional southern mother. 
I told them to NOT sleep with a man not only on the first date, but for many dates afterwards. We're talking months, not days. And in our heart-to-hearts, they divulged that they didn't. Understanding they had nothing to gain nor lose by lying about it. 
I told my son the same thing. A lot of girls in his age range equate sex with love. Many very vulnerable emotionally. I tried to teach him that he had a responsibility to not take advantage of someone in that way. This is what I tried to teach him. That very young girls have a tendency to equate sex with love. He admitted that he didn't always follow that advice. But..when he met a girl he had real feelings for, he didn't pursue her sexually initially. So yes..he used some girls. 
For what it's worth, I didn't sleep with my SO until 3 months out. It wasn't a magic "number", it was just time. The time wasn't right before then. I've never slept with a man on the first date. Again..a product of my upbringing. That's not to say I didn't want to. But the roots of my raisin' run deep.


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

I completely agree with MxRacer in that guys aren't automatically thinking about marriage on the first date, and then deciding against it after the first date sex. Young guys especially are in it for the fun, and if they end up meeting someone they truly love, the sex or lack of sex won't matter.

If I had a daughter and she came to me crying like that 4 times in a row, I would probably try and talk with her about her judgment capabilities--how is she dating (let alone having sex with) these total losers? I would hope that I can teach my kids when they're young how they can choose for themselves the right people to date when they're older.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

It's becoming less of a double standard. Men are starting to get labeled as nothing but players and bad relationship material as well.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Neither choice you presented. I'd talk to her about why she is sleeping with them, b/c she appears to be doing it as a way to "hook" them rather than just b/c she wants to enjoy sex. I'd have her work on her self-esteem, because the moment she finds out they have this double-standard, she should be kicking them to the curb and be grateful she found out before she got any more involved.

The issue here isn't about the men--it's about the girl's attitude toward sex and sexuality. She is buying into their double-standard if she cries about it, rather than realizing that the guys who do this are just douche-bags who cannot accept a woman with healthy sexuality (their loss!). 

But I'd make sure she's enjoying the sex and doing it b/c it is what she wants, not as a way to try to "get" some guy.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I also like the recommendation that men start thinking more about marrying a woman who enjoys sex.

BUT--and this is a huge "butt" (haha), it is really hard to tell if a woman is having sex b/c she simply enjoys it, or out of low-self-esteem and a desire to feel loved (the "love/sex" connection mentioned in another post). 

So it is also incumbent upon men not to make any assumption about the "sex on a first date" thing (just as a self-confident woman realizes). It is just sex on a first date. Maybe it indicates a simple ability to enjoy sex. maybe it indicates low self esteem, or something else. The point is, with or without the sex, it takes TIME to get to know another person!

FYI, I actually have more of a problem with either person having sex with someone whose medical history (re: STDs) they cannot possibly know. In either case, it is irresponsible to one's own body. That is the real issue and the real conversation I had/will have with both my sons and daughter.


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

Trenton said:


> This is like saying that if something is accepted practice by the whole of society, it is unreasonable to challenge and try to change it. In standing up and fighting for what you believe, you are not ignoring the vast opposition, you are laying the groundwork for positive change.


No, it’s not like saying that one shouldn’t try to change things that are a societal norm. What I am saying is this, ignoring the fact that something is a societal norm (and the related consequences of going against it) because “I really think this is unfair” isn’t exactly a bright idea. If a woman chooses to have sex with guys on the first date, I am all for it. That is her right. If guys choose to look at her like she isn’t a long-term relationship candidate because of it, then guess what. That is their right as well. Also, one needs to keep in mind that not everything is a hot-button issue. In your opinion, is this really a central issue that is greatly holding women back?

Okay, let me ask you this. Let’s say that you have a son who has graduated with his MBA. He is looking for a job. He has all of the qualifications to work on Wall Street at a Fortune 500 finance firm, which has always been his dream. However, when he goes to interview with these firms, he wears a skirt-suit and make-up because that’s how he likes to dress. Now, the skirt-suit is professional and the make-up is tasteful. However, he is not getting any call-backs on these jobs. An HR recruiter has told him that “possibly” his garb and make-up are hindering his job search. Now, do you have him continue to “rage against the machine” and fight this double-standard or do you suggest that he might want to adhere to the unfair societal norm?



Trenton said:


> To not equally value both and see and admire their differences as well as understand that beyond our gender we are all also unique individuals is an injustice to us all. To believe it is just the way things are and so we should accept this is an equal injustice to us all.


I agree that men and women should be valued equally. My contention is that men and women should be valued DIFFERENTLY but equally, because of the differences to which you have alluded.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

sisters359 said:


> Neither choice you presented. I'd talk to her about why she is sleeping with them, b/c she appears to be doing it as a way to "hook" them rather than just b/c she wants to enjoy sex.


A consideration I had not thought of. The very presentation of the dilemma had struck me as somehow not right, and this is why.



> I'd have her work on her self-esteem, because the moment she finds out they have this double-standard, she should be kicking them to the curb and be grateful she found out before she got any more involved.


I agree with this. 



> The issue here isn't about the men--it's about the girl's attitude toward sex and sexuality. She is buying into their double-standard if she cries about it, rather than realizing that the guys who do this are just douche-bags who cannot accept a woman with healthy sexuality (their loss!).
> 
> But I'd make sure she's enjoying the sex and doing it b/c it is what she wants, not as a way to try to "get" some guy.


I am very glad you posted this.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

"I agree that men and women should be valued equally. My contention is that men and women should be valued DIFFERENTLY but equally, because of the differences to which you have alluded."

On the above, we couldn't agree more.

On everything else you said, no it's not really a central issue. It's just one more tiny issue in a large sea of issues. It's the practiced double standard that is actually the issue. It doesn't matter to me if it applies to unequal pay for equal work or unequal treatment for equal behavior. I'd address both but obviously equal pay for equal work would be a larger priority...a bigger ripple in the sea.

The example you gave was not the equivalent because: 1. I never advocated for young women to have sex with every man they see so that they were raging against the societal norm. I told you that I would tell both my sons and daughter to have respect for their bodies and think this is the best choice for any young man or woman (but this is my personal opinion on the topic, it doesn't negate the double standard and the sexist mentality of the double standard-which is in actuality what I think is the problem) 
2. I don't think you can compare a businesses' right to institute a dress code to other accepted practices such as sexual harassment and unequal pay which most often happen to women.

It's perfectly reasonable for my son to expect to adhere to a company's dress code if he wants a job with them. If he refuses to then he needs to either find a way to start his own business where he sets the dress code or find an employer that will accept him on his skill and overlook his dress. BUT the the thing is, he'll get paid more than my daughter and be less likely to face sexual harassment at the workplace simply because he's a man. I tell my son to grow up and I tell my daughter to stand up. So, that's the difference.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Orion said:


> No, it’s not like saying that one shouldn’t try to change things that are a societal norm. What I am saying is this, ignoring the fact that something is a societal norm (and the related consequences of going against it) because “I really think this is unfair” isn’t exactly a bright idea. If a woman chooses to have sex with guys on the first date, I am all for it. That is her right. If guys choose to look at her like she isn’t a long-term relationship candidate because of it, then guess what. That is their right as well. Also, one needs to keep in mind that not everything is a hot-button issue. In your opinion, is this really a central issue that is greatly holding women back?


Certainly you are right that assuming something is not the societal norm is senseless. I am not sure whom you are attributing that position. 

I think you are missing a major point here. It isn't a matter of holding *women* back. It is a matter of finding someone whose outlook is similar enough to your own to make for a possible good match. If my child decides, despite my opinion, that sex before marriage is a bad idea and that she wants to wait, then a man who also values that would be a good mate....

The issue I have is that I hope that a man or woman who hold men and women to different standards would not be considered a good match for my children. Given that I think sexism is wrong, I hope my children do as well and don't accept it when faced with it.

I would not care for my SON to be involved with a woman who accepted this double standard.



> Okay, let me ask you this. Let’s say that you have a son who has graduated with his MBA. He is looking for a job. He has all of the qualifications to work on Wall Street at a Fortune 500 finance firm, which has always been his dream. However, when he goes to interview with these firms, he wears a skirt-suit and make-up because that’s how he likes to dress. Now, the skirt-suit is professional and the make-up is tasteful. However, he is not getting any call-backs on these jobs. An HR recruiter has told him that “possibly” his garb and make-up are hindering his job search. Now, do you have him continue to “rage against the machine” and fight this double-standard or do you suggest that he might want to adhere to the unfair societal norm?


The main difference between that unfair societal norm and the other is that adhering to the latter is in no one's best interest. 




> I agree that men and women should be valued equally. My contention is that men and women should be valued DIFFERENTLY but equally, because of the differences to which you have alluded.


We could avoid the whole issue by valuing PEOPLE according whatever valuable traits they have. Every human has basic human values. Individuals have value according to their valuable traits, actions and characteristics. Value THAT and the whole issue is gone.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I think the double standard is alive and well. Men get a slap on the back when they use vulnerable women knowing that they don't have the emotional investment in the person that the woman is clearly looking for.. Those women grow up and become some ones wife. She brings with her all of her experiences with men good and bad. If she has been used the hurt and anger is still lying dormant and after the honeymoon period is done, her hubby's has the sin's of other men visited upon him. It usually comes out as sexual repression and vigilance about being used for sex by the hubby's. Sound familiar?

Some men sow their wild oats and then try to avoid the damage they have done by looking for a virginal bride. I have read too many post about sexually frustrated men whose wives don"t turn into the sexual vixen that they require because of past experience with their non- marriage material conquests. They spend a good deal of time in quiet desperation. I'll bet those girls he did not marry begin to look pretty good to him. 

I sometimes wonder if the problems that have become so pervasive in relationships, sexlessness/ low sexual frequency/ lack of enthusiasm on the part of women, woman divorcing is a culmination of the double standard's effect in a society where women are gaining in economic , political and social power. Let's say that we have young girls who make the mistakes early in her development in thinking of themselves only in reference boys and think that pleasing them would get her needs met. She matures goes to school and marries. Then her problem is not her's alone it's also the man she marries. The girl who manages to stay pure sees what young women who are used are treated by men and it shapes their attitude towards sex and men just as profoundly as the girl who made mistakes. She also matures, goes to college and marry. I think that they probably both have similar attitudes towards sex with men, it useful to get what they want but it does not get them what they need. Now the tables are turned, the man who crowed about how many chicks he banged is married with 3 kids and his wife hates to be touched by him, to his dismay. Maybe sexual problems are more and more pervasive because woman have learned well from men how to treat the opposite sex when they are vulnerable and dependent, ignore their basic humanity and take what you can get. Women could not turn the tables historically because they never had the economic independence that they now have. 

The double standard is not good for either gender, if men want women to be sensitive to their needs once the fall in love and become dependent then they should model the behavior in all of their relationships with women. It's interesting, i think the complaints men make about their wives are similar to the complaints women make about men before they commit, they are careless of the feelings of of the opisite sex. We don't live on islands, what each person does counts and it does come back to them - Hosea 8:7 "For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind". The Bible verse maybe seem moralistic but I like it for effect and couldn't resist.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

Trenton said:


> It's perfectly reasonable for my son to expect to adhere to a company's dress code if he wants a job with them. If he refuses to then he needs to either find a way to start his own business where he sets the dress code or find an employer that will accept him on his skill and overlook his dress.


The company's dress code is a dress code...driven by a societal norm. The double standard is there...because of societal norms. In the example of this thread, the woman in question is "interviewing" for the position of long-term significant other or wife but constantly being turned down for the job due to her lack of adherance to the norm. The examples are not as different as you think they are (just my opinion).


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## married10yrs (Jan 2, 2011)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> I would present her with both choices. I would ask her what she thought of the consequences of each choice. Upon discussing all the facts, I would then make no recommendation as to what her behavior should be. She can make her own choices. If she asked my opinion, I would tell her that I would not marry a man with such a double standard. I would not consider him husband material regardless of whether or not anyone had slept with anyone ever.



:iagree:That make complete sense...She's an adult and showing her choices is a great way.


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