# Husband with no sex drive...



## Trinity763 (Oct 11, 2010)

It's been almost 4 years now since we've been able to be intimate. I'm not saying he doesn't try from time to time but he can't even get it up and after 4 years it gets old. The doctors say he's got low testosterone. He's been on all types of medication with no success. He's dropped the weight and cleaned up his diet with no success. I'm not sure that's the problem anymore??!! It's crushed my self esteem and he does not care that I do not "get off". He does not help me around the house anymore or with anything EVER. 
I've finally shut down sexually I do not want anyone touching me including him and I can't even watch porn or sex scenes on TV without getting disgusted. Now he wants a divorce. He says he is who he is and if that's not good enough for me then I need to leave. He says he does not ask me to do anything around the house or for him so therefor why should he help me?! WTF???


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

Hi Trinity- I kinda know what you are going through. My man can't get it up anymore either. It does get old. But, I guess I am having the opposite reaction than you, because I really want sex, my drive didn't shut down. You don't think that if you split with your H that maybe you would find someone else that would bring that spark back to you? I feel emotionally unattached to my man at this point, like you probably do to, so I don't really even care to have sex with him anymore and I think that is fine with him--the pressure is off of him now. But i do have the hope of being able to have sex with someone in the future, I just don't see myself being celibate much longer. It does take a toll on self-esteem, I'm feeling it too. But the light at the end of my tunnel is that I believe I will find someone...someday. 
Stumble


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## Trinity763 (Oct 11, 2010)

Oh, I reached that point. I love sex and being intimate with someone I could have sex everday and be very happy. I think my sexual frustration just reached overload and I shut down completely. I have no desire to even please myself and I have some really awesome toys. Maybe I'm just bored?? I have become very emmotionally detached from my husband because of the lack of intimacy. I feel like we are roommates and it makes me very depressed. I'm just not sure which direction to go in.


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

Yep, I know where you are coming from on the roommates thing! Exactly how I feel. It is depressing not to know where to go from here. You are depressed, I think that is why your mind just can't 'go there' concerning sex. I was depressed for about 15 yrs and sex was just not on my mind then. I took his erection for granted back then, now that I'm interested in sex he can't get it up! Go figure! I would think there could still be hope for us if I had an emotional connection with him, but that too has gone away. Do you have children? My child is why I stay, but it gets harder all the time to stay.


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## Trinity763 (Oct 11, 2010)

No children involved. We've been married 2 and together 4 years. The reason I haven't left yet is because I'm working less and going to school. I can't afford to leave now and he sure as hell isn't kicking me out until I'm done. I moved into the guest bedroom and told him he's on his own except for dinner because it's easier to cook for 2 than 1. I want to move back to Texas when I finish school and start over..new life! He can have the house and everything in it for all I care.


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

So you have some light at the end of your tunnel! Good. I am trying to finish school too and working. At least with you moving to Texas you don't have to worry about running into him all the time. Just keep your goals in focus and I'm sure you will find happiness in your new life. I think sometimes marriages just cannot be worked out so that both partners are happy. Divorce is depressing, but staying in an unhappy relationship is even more depressing in the long run!
Good luck to you!  You never know, maybe I will move to TX too! I'm itching to get out of Ohio!


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Trinity763 said:


> It's been almost 4 years now since we've been able to be intimate. I'm not saying he doesn't try from time to time but he can't even get it up and after 4 years it gets old. The doctors say he's got low testosterone. He's been on all types of medication with no success. He's dropped the weight and cleaned up his diet with no success. I'm not sure that's the problem anymore??!! It's crushed my self esteem and he does not care that I do not "get off". He does not help me around the house anymore or with anything EVER.
> I've finally shut down sexually I do not want anyone touching me including him and I can't even watch porn or sex scenes on TV without getting disgusted. Now he wants a divorce. He says he is who he is and if that's not good enough for me then I need to leave. He says he does not ask me to do anything around the house or for him so therefor why should he help me?! WTF???


The medication should be working just fine, you know, especially the blue pills. When you refused to be touched, how did you know it's no success?
I think your husband has been working on it to solve his manhood problems? Most importantly, he's a patient. It can be cruel to blame him for being sick and cranky. People get old and get sick, but he's working on recovering from it, and it's not a easy task for both, so actually, he needed your loving support with positive response and you needed his loving attention and help around the house. Don't you want to try to communicate with him peacefully? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Do you think he might be depressed? That was my first thought when I read your post.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

have u 2 tried counselling?


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## MarriageWisdom_ Seeker (Dec 24, 2009)

does have diabetes?


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