# Bipolar girlfriend and what to do



## Giantsfan1972 (Mar 15, 2018)

Hey all, I posted and was active about 10 years ago while going through a divorce.

Here is my question/issue.

After years of dating, I finally found a girl I really liked, clicked with. She was tough to even get to date, because as she said, she had a wall up after some bad relationships, so we talked, texted, would grab a beer here and there, and finally we started dating.

It was a few months in, and she said (more or less slipped out) she was bipolar and depressed, well I knew what depression was, and I was familiar with bipolar, so it wasn't a big deal. I never bring it up, always try and give her compliments to help build her up a bit.

Here is where things started getting weird, she would start telling the most amazing lies to back out of plans, she lives 5 blocks away, but couldn't come down because she left her bank card at work, she would say she was somewhere else, etc. She would start fights via text, and say whatever she wanted, and I would try and calm the situation down, only for her to break up and a day or 2 later, she would send a hello text, and wanted to work on things.

Now we are at the point where we see each other literally once every 2 weeks, she sleeps for whole days on end, and all of a sudden, Facebook and her number of friends and how many likes her daily selfie gets are major issues for her.

We have had talks, usually when I start to pull away, and she says she needs help, doesn't want to be like this, etc. I said to set up a counciling session, and I would go also......but she never does. 

Her bank card was "hacked" so I loaned her $600, which I sort of knew it wasn't, but it was Christmas.She has had excuses on my birthday, Valentines, even Christmas Day to not spend them with me.

Right now I have no clue where I stand (or if i even am standing), we are going over 2 weeks now of not seeing each other, last night out of nowhere, she was returning all the things I got for her.........I simply just say we should talk about this in a day or so which only infuriates her more.

She takes Seroquel, and anti-depressant, and a ton of allergy meds. When she sleeps for her 14-16 hours, I worry she took too much of something, there are days I've had to call and wake her for work. I have never been to her house.

So, alot of what goes on, doesn't sound bipolar, there is no hyper sexuality, and not even moments where she seems happy......but our lives play out on Facebook as this great thing (i do have FB, but look at it literally 2 or 3 times a week, or halftime at one of my kids games.

So what do I do? Has anyone dealt with this before? I feel myself pulling away because we just aren't together enough, she has talked engagement, etc, then 2 hours later, she breaks up.

I have not brought anything up, have never said anything mean or demeaning (had it done to me before with ex wife).....

I also want a healthy relationship, I don't want to be the Knight in shiny armor, and end up dumped anyway.

Any advice?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What you are dealing with is what life is like with most Bi-Polar people. This is who she is. You can not fix this. 

This is who she is. Trust her actions. This is who she is.

Your best bet is for you to end this relationship now.


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## Giantsfan1972 (Mar 15, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> What you are dealing with is what life is like with most Bi-Polar people. This is who she is. You can not fix this.
> 
> This is who she is. Trust her actions. This is who she is.
> 
> Your best bet is for you to end this relationship now.


Thanks for the advice, reading around the net, and trying to understand it more, I realize this......I just have to get it in my head that the person I fell in love with, really isn't that person.

I also don't want it to seem I'm pulling ( and being pushed away) because of the disorder, it's her actions.

I don't understand the sudden needing validation by Facebook.

Some of it seemed bipolar, some just weird behavior.........but she doesn't want to be around me, so I really have no choice, nor do I want to be a punching bag.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Pass this one and move on. She will get only worse as she gets older.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

When you're dealing with a mentally ill person, there is no such thing as a healthy relationship. You will drive your own self mad trying to figure her out, so stop with all the this-part-is-the-illness-but-that-part-isn't kind of stuff. There is no such thing because there's no difference. It's all the illness. All of it. You've been reading about bi-polar but the articles don't tell you all of the behaviors, only the symptoms. And some of the behaviors fall under the clinical terminology of the symptoms but are not specifically stated because there's no way to know how the symptoms will manifest in each person in every instance. They would need a crystal ball for that, so the best they can give are generalities. Know also that you have been dealing with the manifestations of her illness from the very start. Whatever reason she gave you, her illness was connected with being hard to reach initially. Look at how she's hard to reach now. It was no different at the beginning when you were trying to contact and hook up with her.

So, you met someone who piqued your interest, and, after finally contacting and getting to know her, you feel you really like her. But this person you met is the same person you have come to know - a mentally ill person that you cannot help. No amount of compliments will prevent her from becoming depressed. No insistence that she get therapy will cure her illness because there is no cure for bipolar disorder and she can't talk it away. A person can't feel better by talking because feeling bad is the illness. The only thing that can help is medication, and that doesn't help with everything. They usually need more than one type of medication, that's even to mention that some bipolar meds cause depression, so go figure. 

You will have to chock it all up to the disorder, I'm afraid. I have seen it possible for some people with bipolar to maintain relationships but not all, and it doesn't appear a relationship is possible with her. You'll be both lonely and slowly losing your mind trying to keep up with her chaos. 

Also, I wager that her house is an awful upside down mess of a pigsty and that is the reason she never let you over. That can also be indicative of the disease. You've seen or heard about hoarders. There is something wrong with that type of person. You just can't know it by looking at them.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

As someone with Bipolor, she doesn't seem to be on any medication that is directly treating the bipolar disorder...which is huge red flag for me. Yes she is on the Seroquel, but that's akin to me taking Cymbals daily. It's there to act as a middleman between the depression and the bipolar disorder...not a straight up replacement for SEVERAL well documented medications for the treatment of bipolar.

It sounds like she got spooked, got stressed, and since she is tecnically undertreated, she "swung" to the other side of her disorder.

Now, I'm going against the grain with everyone in a way. If you care about this girl, fight to help her get treatment. Otherwise, walk away. Cause it's gonna be a fight.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Giantsfan1972 said:


> Some of it seemed bipolar, some just weird behavior.


Giantsfan, if she suffers from bipolar disorder, there is a good chance that the "weird behavior" you describe is explained by a co-occurring disorder. The most likely candidate is BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).

If during the past year she has had a bipolar-1 episode (i.e., strong mania in addition to periods of strong depression) the chance of her also having lifetime BPD is 47%. If she had a bipolar-2 episode, (i.e., strong depression but very mild mania), the chance of also having BPD is 36%. See Table 2 at 2008 Study in JCP.

If you're interested, I describe the major differences I've seen between the behaviors of bipolar sufferers (e.g., my foster son) and BPDers (e.g., my exW) at 12 Bipolar/BPD Differences. If most of those BPD symptoms sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Maybe's Thread. If that description rings many bells and raises questions, I would be glad to discuss them with you. Take care,Giantsfan.


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## Giantsfan1972 (Mar 15, 2018)

Thanks all , I can make more sense of it now, a bit anyway.

I guess the sudden FB thing is all tied in, and she does her best to wreck things when they're going well, yet when I do leave her alone like she asks, she drags me back in with needing help, needing me.....then back to she is happier alone.

She is 41, never married and was engaged early 20's once and he broke it off.

I'm very patient, but she constantly mentions old boyfriends, etc.

It's confusing, and she doesn't care when she blows off an occasion, makes promises she never keeps......I'm her texting biddy, but at work, everyone loves her and she has been wronged by all these guys.

Thanks again, and keep them coming, it's very helpful


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Uptown said:


> Giantsfan, if she suffers from bipolar disorder, there is a good chance that the "weird behavior" you describe is explained by a co-occurring disorder. The most likely candidate is BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).
> 
> If she had a bipolar-2 episode, (i.e., strong depression but very mild mania), the chance of also having BPD is 36%.
> 
> If you're interested, I describe the major differences I've seen between the behaviors of bipolar sufferers (e.g., my foster son) and BPDers (e.g., my exW) at 12 Bipolar/BPD Differences. .


Uptown-
Can you explain Bi- Polar 2 further?

What you stated is " strong depression with mild mania"


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

As an ER nurse with a father and sister who are both bipolar, I'm not sure if you're quite grasping what you're signing up for if you decide to stick this out. I'm not saying it can't work, but you really need to consider walking away from this relationship. Especially sooner rather than later.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Jasel said:


> As an ER nurse with a father and sister who are both bipolar, I'm not sure if you're quite grasping what you're signing up for if you decide to stick this out. I'm not saying it can't work, but you really need to consider walking away from this relationship. Especially sooner rather than later.


Although I completely understand and would _never_ sign up for a chaotic relationship, it must be horrible for bipolar people. They must be very lonely.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Get out. Why would you want to subject yourself to a life like this? Get out. And stay away from crazy.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

sandcastle said:


> Uptown -- Can you explain Bi-Polar 2 further?


Sandcastle, my understanding is that the main difference between bipolar-1 and 2 is the severity of the manic episodes. The depressive episodes typically are similar. Bipolar-2 causes "hypomania," which is essentially a less severe form of mania. Hypomanic behaviors might be considered atypical for a person, but maybe not abnormal. Though less severe than a manic episode, a hypomanic phase is still an event in which behavior differs from the normal state. The differences will be strong enough that friends and family may notice that something is wrong.

To be diagnosed as bipolar-2, a major depressive episode must last at least two weeks and there must be at least one hypomanic episode. bipolar-2 is sometimes misdiagnosed as depression. When there are no manic episodes to suggest bipolar disorder, the depressive symptoms become the focus. Although bipolar-2 lacks the strong manic events, it is not considered less serious than bipolar-1 because the depression may be very severe.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Get the hell out. This one is pretty simple.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

RUN.

Run like all the devils in Hell are after you.

And don't stop.


.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Bi-polar is now used as the "go to" word for any kind of mental illness, or to explain any unusual or outright mean and hateful behavior. Oftentimes, I've seen post about about cheating spouses that say, "He/she must be bi-polar for risking the marriage, et cetera.". Its become unfair to true bi-polar people to be lumped into the same bucket with psychopaths, sociopaths, spoiled brats, and mean spirited, selfish people. If not diagnosed as bi-polar its probably not bi=polar.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I know someone who who married a man who was bipolar. It was bad - really bad. 

It may be unfair, but I would never marry someone with significant mental illness.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

I have lived with bipolar disorder all my adult life. It can be very hard on my loved ones. I believe the disorder does not cause one to be dishonest or manipulative, but it can amplify those traits in someone who is naturally inclined to behave and think in a dishonest way. 

Mania is not necessarily a happy state to be in. It can be energy that is expressed in anger, paranoia, fear, agitation, being inpatient, and depression can be suicidal in some cases. 

Seroquel is a heavy duty antipsychotic with alot of side effects. Often referred to as "slurroquel" because it makes people appear drunk and is heavily sedating. 

This girl you speak of sounds like a user and a flake who happens to have a severe mental illness. There is NO medication that cures this mood disorder. Just a constant trial and error approach with constant monitering needed most usually when the person is not even self aware enough to recognize a coming mood shift. I use journaling, a mood diary, and rely on my husband to reality check. Even then I sometimes get so far gone that I do not trust these methods and everything falls apart.

More bad news: If she has borderline personality disorder, it can be just as bad, some say worse. No meds for that, only years of a specfic kind of therapy and only if she is self aware and wants help. That is not a chemical imbalance, but experts surmise is caused by trauma/neglect so bad it shaped the inflicted's whole self identity before their personality could even develop normally. 

If she is taking money from you, lying to you and ignoring you now, expect the same in the future. You know, she may not be inflicted with any mood or personality disorder and may just be a jerk. Tread carefully!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You say you already have been through a divorce (and that you have children!). Why are you spending even one minute now in a relationship that isn't good, happy and healthy???


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Run run run OP. Run like hell. You have NO right to subject your children to this kind of life.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Uptown said:


> Sandcastle, my understanding is that the main difference between bipolar-1 and 2 is the severity of the manic episodes. The depressive episodes typically are similar. Bipolar-2 causes "hypomania," which is essentially a less severe form of mania. Hypomanic behaviors might be considered atypical for a person, but maybe not abnormal. Though less severe than a manic episode, a hypomanic phase is still an event in which behavior differs from the normal state. The differences will be strong enough that friends and family may notice that something is wrong.
> 
> To be diagnosed as bipolar-2, a major depressive episode must last at least two weeks and there must be at least one hypomanic episode. bipolar-2 is sometimes misdiagnosed as depression. When there are no manic episodes to suggest bipolar disorder, the depressive symptoms become the focus. Although bipolar-2 lacks the strong manic events, it is not considered less serious than bipolar-1 because the depression may be very severe.


Well- we can agree to disagree about experts and their diagnosis of Bipolar 2 and mania, depressive states for two weeks and anything else.


A large % of B2's are never in a clear depressive state and refuse to medicate because they live/love that mania.

But you know because your stepson and you copy stuff off the internet?

You are the go to for Borderline on TAM but had never heard of the leading expert basically in the world on Borderline?

This is all highly irresponsible.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

scatty said:


> I have lived with bipolar disorder all my adult life. It can be very hard on my loved ones. I believe the disorder does not cause one to be dishonest or manipulative, but it can amplify those traits in someone who is naturally inclined to behave and think in a dishonest way.
> 
> Mania is not necessarily a happy state to be in. It can be energy that is expressed in anger, paranoia, fear, agitation, being inpatient, and depression can be suicidal in some cases.
> 
> ...


Arrrgh....
So much , so wrong.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

uhtred said:


> I know someone who who married a man who was bipolar. It was bad - really bad.
> 
> It may be unfair, but I would never marry someone with significant mental illness.


I have tried quite hard not to take a lot of what has been said in this thread personally because we talking about the OP's girlfriend, not his wife. But things like the above quote remind me that regardless of what is said, there is still a stigma out there that says if you have a mental illness, you are not worth the fight. That if things aren't picture perfect, walk away. 

Thankfully, @As'laDain has been fighting for going on 10 years with me and for me. And I do have a mental illness. To him, i am worth that fight. And i have fought the same fight to be better, to gain control over my mental illness, and be in a much better position than i was nearly 10 years ago.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Akinaura said:


> uhtred said:
> 
> 
> > I know someone who who married a man who was bipolar. It was bad - really bad.
> ...


This woman is not really even his girlfriend (haven't seen each other in weeks). OP says it is a drama filled relationship with multiple break ups and getting back together. It's not in the *least bit* happy, healthy, or stable. OP has already been through a divorce, and has children. Children need a parent not involved in this kind of tumultuous relationship, especially when they are children of divorce already. It's not that things aren't "picture perfect" with this woman, it seems like a total **** show. No reason in the world for him to keep at this.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@Akinaura said: "there is still a stigma out there that says if you have a mental illness, you are not worth the fight."

And it should be there my friend. This is nothing but pure biology. All living beings in this planet do just that. 

Genes are selfish, they only want to propagate themselves with the best genetic match that they can find. And that's why most humans will shy away from an individual that are mentally ill. There's no shame in it, it's only natural. I wouldn't do it either ( get involved with a mentally ill person).


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Rob_1 said:


> @Akinaura said: "there is still a stigma out there that says if you have a mental illness, you are not worth the fight."
> 
> *And it should be there my friend. This is nothing but pure biology. All living beings in this planet do just that. *
> 
> Genes are selfish, they only want to propagate themselves with the best genetic match that they can find. And that's why most humans will shy away from an individual that are mentally ill. There's no shame in it, it's only natural. I wouldn't do it either ( get involved with a mentally ill person).


i completely disagree.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

in this case, i dont think there is much for OP to fight for. you cant work with someone who is not willing to work with you. 

if she were living with him and he were interacting with her daily, it would be a different story. i get the impression, however, that she is living a double life.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

sandcastle said:


> Arrrgh....
> So much , so wrong.


 Aaaand he's back. Hey Sandcastle.
Instead of busting on the posters who are trying to help, why don't you shed some of this vast, self-proclaimed knowledge on the subject and help the OP? It'd be an easy way to show off your expertise and you would actually be helping someone.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@As'laDain: you can completely desagree all you want. But mother nature does not care one way or another. She is ruthless. 

In nature you observed how the weak and sick get dispose of. If you do not know this, then I don't know in what world you has been living.

Just to emphasize, another tibit: humans are the most ruthless of them all.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Rob_1 said:


> @As'laDain: you can completely desagree all you want. But mother nature does not care one way or another. She is ruthless.
> 
> In nature you observed how the weak and sick get dispose of. If you do not know this, then I don't know in what world you has been living.
> 
> Just to emphasize, another tibit: humans are the most ruthless of them all.


i know all about how ruthless humans can be. i have fought enough of them.

it seems to me though, that you are equating a set of behaviors with genetic flaws. which couldnt be further from the truth. in one role, a man is a sociopath, to be feared and shunned. in another role, a man is a warrior.

when you dismiss someone as simply broken based on someone elses "diagnosis" of mental illness, then you miss the entire scope of what mental illness is. people fall into depression, become afflicted with PTSD, grow up not knowing what it means to feel safe, etc. it rarely, if ever, has anything to do with genetics. people shy away from those with mental illnesses because they don't know how to deal with them. those who DO know how to deal with them don't shy away at all.

besides all that, you may not have noticed the implication you made. if people shy away from someone with mental illness because of a perceived genetic weakness, then the implication is two fold: that the genetic weakness can be perceived in such a fashion(which is ludicrous) and that the person should rightly be "culled" from the population in order to maintain genetic strength. 

in @Akinaura's case, there is not a damned thing wrong with her genetics. her daughter is far more intelligent, intuitive, and well adapted to her particular environment than most girls her age. again, that fact has nothing to do with genetics.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@[email protected]: I don't want to highjack the treat, but this is all I will say:

Myself and most people in this world, once they know that a possible partner is mentally ill that person is out bound for considerations. Regardless if they are geniuses (a lot of geniuses are quite mad). This is a natural reaction. And yes, it has everything to do with GENES. No one wants to chance their progeny's well being.

Now, when you have been in a relationship with someone, and that person develops a mental illness, you just don't dump the person. That's callous. You should do anything for your mate when is within reason. But many times it is too much, and you must think of yourself. People do this often, some even sacrifice themselves to care for their loved mate, but most people just don't. This is a fact of life. You can agree or not, but like I say this is the reality that most people have to confront and make a decision when confronted with a mentally ill mate. We all have degrees of emphaty, but we all also have degrees of what we will tolerate and for how long.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Aaaand he's back. Hey Sandcastle.
> Instead of busting on the posters who are trying to help, why don't you shed some of this vast, self-proclaimed knowledge on the subject and help the OP? It'd be an easy way to show off your expertise and you would actually be helping someone.


Super simple-
Get your loved one or yourself diagnosed by a specialist.

A REAL specialist.

Does that work?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Rob_1 said:


> @[email protected]: I don't want to highjack the treat, but this is all I will say:
> 
> Myself and most people in this world, once they know that a possible partner is mentally ill that person is out bound for considerations. Regardless if they are geniuses (a lot of geniuses are quite mad). This is a natural reaction. And yes, it has everything to do with GENES. No one wants to chance their progeny's well being.
> 
> Now, when you have been in a relationship with someone, and that person develops a mental illness, you just don't dump the person. That's callous. You should do anything for your mate when is within reason. But many times it is too much, and you must think of yourself. People do this often, some even sacrifice themselves to care for their loved mate, but most people just don't. This is a fact of life. You can agree or not, but like I say this is the reality that most people have to confront and make a decision when confronted with a mentally ill mate. We all have degrees of emphaty, but we all also have degrees of what we will tolerate and for how long.


sounds like weak people, incapable of adapting and influencing their environment for their own positive outcome, so they run from it instead. 

must be your weak genetics.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@ As'laDain: well, that was a cheap, uncalled stab. And I give you one back, since there are not weak genes, just desirable or undesirable genetic traits in populations. 

Since you seem to have an agenda in respect the issue all I can say is that you must be an idiot for what is obvious your own self sacrifice ( the sacrificial lamb).


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Giantsfan1972 said:


> It's confusing, and she doesn't care when she blows off an occasion, makes promises she never keeps.....


I can certainly understand your desire to make sense of what she is doing. However, as an old timer once said to me in Al-Anon, "You simply cannot make sense of nonsense." I had to deal with my alcoholic husband, and I can tell you it was consistently inconsistent. Whatever happened to drop out of the sky at any given time could be his mood du jour. 

I wanted to understand. I wanted to know how to react/act/behave. But every time I thought I had a handle on the situation, he would dart into new territory.

It IS exhausting. You do want to help her. But the thing is, when someone is suffering from a mental condition they need to want help and ask for help.

I walked away from my marriage. It was painful. My husband died in January '15 from alcoholism. Sometimes we simply cannot do anything. We have to make peace with ourselves and what is. I'm sorry.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Rob_1 said:


> @ As'laDain: well, that was a cheap, uncalled stab. And I give you one back, since there are not weak genes, just desirable or undesirable genetic traits in populations.
> 
> Since you seem to have an agenda in respect the issue all I can say is that you must be an idiot for what is obvious your own self sacrifice ( the sacrificial lamb).


ah, i see. if i imply to you the exact same thing you are implied to akinaura, i am an idiot. 

got it. you have fun with that.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

uhtred said:


> I know someone who who married a man who was bipolar. It was bad - really bad.


My mother was a diagnosed Bi-Polar 1, her illness started at age 15. Yes, it is very bad. In her depressive states she would not speak or get out of bed for weeks. In her manic states she would reach the point where she did not recognize anyone in her family and became extremely violent. She spent her life in and out of mental hospitals, sometimes months, other times years.

And, yes she was on the frontline medications for the disorder however all they did was make her somewhat stable some of the time. She eventually committed suicide.

From her children's perspective, our childhood was a waking nightmare. Please don't have children with someone that you know has Bi-Polar 1.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Red Sonja said:


> My mother was a diagnosed Bi-Polar 1, her illness started at age 15. Yes, it is very bad. In her depressive states she would not speak or get out of bed for weeks. In her manic states she would reach the point where she did not recognize anyone in her family and became extremely violent. She spent her life in and out of mental hospitals, sometimes months, other times years.
> 
> And, yes she was on the frontline medications for the disorder however all they did was make her somewhat stable some of the time. She eventually committed suicide.
> 
> From her children's perspective, our childhood was a waking nightmare. Please don't have children with someone that you know has Bi-Polar 1.


that sounds kinda unusual, from what i have seen. i know several people with Bi-Polar 1, and they aren't nearly as bad as you describe your mother... 

it does sound a lot like someone i knew with schizophrenia, and even my own mother, who suffered DID...


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

As'laDain said:


> that sounds kinda unusual, from what i have seen. i know several people with Bi-Polar 1, and they aren't nearly as bad as you describe your mother...
> 
> it does sound a lot like someone i knew with schizophrenia, and even my own mother, who suffered DID...


Like most mental illness bipolar disorder is on a spectrum. Her diagnosis was confirmed more than once and since adulthood I have come to know of others just like her.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Bipolar covers a really large range. For the friend I know of, here husband kept going off his meds and getting paraonoid. Also in an out of institutions. Eventually just abandoned her, leaving her with a son who was also bipolar. 

That son married a woman from Croatia and brought her back to the US. Eventually he became so unstable and sometimes violent that she had to move out and wound up moving in with his mother for protection. 

I know that bipolar is often not this bad, but sometimes it is, and I don't know if its possible to predict in advance.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I would run far and fast!


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Giantsfan1972 said:


> we are going over 2 weeks now of not seeing each other, last night out of nowhere, she was returning all the things I got for her......................
> Any advice?


She bringing all of your things back last night is a fitting (and fortunate) place for you to end your stressful relationship. It doesn't matter if she truly bipolar or not. Save yourself from a bunch of misery by not going back to her if she asks you to.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Steve1000 said:


> He bringing all of your things back last night is a fitting (and fortunate) place for you to end your stressful relationship. * It doesn't matter if she truly bipolar or not.* Save yourself from a bunch of misery by not going back to her if she asks you to.


that is really what it comes down to. mental illness or no mental illness, you should always respond to people based on the things they do and say. not based on what other people say about them. even if those other people are doctors...


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Giantsfan1972 said:


> Her bank card was "hacked" so I loaned her $600, which I sort of knew it wasn't, but it was Christmas.She has had excuses on my birthday, Valentines, even Christmas Day to not spend them with me.
> 
> When she sleeps for her 14-16 hours, I worry she took too much of something, there are days I've had to call and wake her for work.
> 
> ...


You are already her KISA as evidenced above. While I don't know much about bipolar disorder, Seems to me that here, she's just a plain user. She is using you.

my oldest and dearest friend Had a husband for 25 years who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He has recently divorced her. I saw first-hand some of the Mania he would display. It was frightening and fascinating all in one. You need to think long and hard if you want to go down this road, and if you do, I would make sure that she's not just using you.


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## Giantsfan1972 (Mar 15, 2018)

Thanks all for the advice, lots of great information.

My point of starting this thread certainly wasn't to get people fighting.

She told me what she was diagnosed as, and she certainly follows alot of behaviors that are listed in this thread.

No she did not return gifts from Christmas, it was something she said and I thought was relevant to making this thread.

Anyway she did end up texting me, asking why I haven't texted her in a few days, and I just said because you told me not to, and I got a few more, which I didn't read, and just went on with my life.

Point of the thread was that I wasn't aware of anything, no mention.....and things were good until Christmas, then all this started to happen. It was for advice, if anyone was through something similar, I wasn't judging her as a person, but I was going by her actions.

I'm sorry for those that suffer with it, I meant no disrespect to anyone.

I will say I understand more now then before, and I thank the group for that.


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## Giantsfan1972 (Mar 15, 2018)

Well an update, I stayed NC. Blocked her everywhere, eventually one of her work friends texted me and said they would stop by and get inhalers she left here.

So the car pulls up, the minute I went to hand her the inhalers, she just sat in the drivers seat, the moment I put my arm in to hand them to her, she guns the car. I have a spinal fusion, having my neck fused after a vacation with my kids......and she knows my issues.

So that's that,she attempted to drag me down the road.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Giantsfan1972 said:


> Well an update, I stayed NC. Blocked her everywhere, eventually one of her work friends texted me and said they would stop by and get inhalers she left here.
> 
> So the car pulls up, the minute I went to hand her the inhalers, she just sat in the drivers seat, the moment I put my arm in to hand them to her, she guns the car. I have a spinal fusion, having my neck fused after a vacation with my kids......and she knows my issues.
> 
> So that's that,she attempted to drag me down the road.


You've dodged a bullet and I congratulate you on handling this the way you did - especially no contact.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Giantsfan1972 said:


> Well an update, I stayed NC. Blocked her everywhere, eventually one of her work friends texted me and said they would stop by and get inhalers she left here.
> 
> So the car pulls up, the minute I went to hand her the inhalers, she just sat in the drivers seat, the moment I put my arm in to hand them to her, she guns the car. I have a spinal fusion, having my neck fused after a vacation with my kids......and she knows my issues.
> 
> So that's that,she attempted to drag me down the road.


i hope you dropped them on the ground and walked away. if she wants anything else of hers, put it all in a box and put it out by the curb...


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## FaithfulHusband (Jan 20, 2018)

Giantsfan1972 said:


> Hey all, I posted and was active about 10 years ago while going through a divorce.
> 
> Here is my question/issue.
> 
> ...


Keep in mind that Bipolar Disorder is a label often used so that healthcare providers can obtain insurance reimbursement for the treatment of people with Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a pre-existing condition and therefore non-reimbursable.

If you're dealing with the latter (Borderline Personality Disorder), note that the illness is woven into the fabric of the person so to speak, and not an illness "aside from" her. Bipolar Disorder proper is eminently treatable with medication, and when that's successfully done, you have a normal individual with a normal personality. Borderline Personality Disorder is almost never successfully treated with medication -- the medication in that instance is a mere band-aid for some of the symptoms/traits of the disorder, and nowhere near a cure as it can be with Bipolar.


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## Giantsfan1972 (Mar 15, 2018)

FaithfulHusband said:


> Keep in mind that Bipolar Disorder is a label often used so that healthcare providers can obtain insurance reimbursement for the treatment of people with Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a pre-existing condition and therefore non-reimbursable.
> 
> If you're dealing with the latter (Borderline Personality Disorder), note that the illness is woven into the fabric of the person so to speak, and not an illness "aside from" her. Bipolar Disorder proper is eminently treatable with medication, and when that's successfully done, you have a normal individual with a normal personality. Borderline Personality Disorder is almost never successfully treated with medication -- the medication in that instance is a mere band-aid for some of the symptoms/traits of the disorder, and nowhere near a cure as it can be with Bipolar.



To be honest, I am only using that because that is what she told me she was diagnosed with. I made no assumptions, I'm certainly not qualified to do that And we were a few months in before it came out, sure there were weird moments, but we all have those at times.


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## Giantsfan1972 (Mar 15, 2018)

Magnesium said:


> You've dodged a bullet and I congratulate you on handling this the way you did - especially no contact.


Keeping no contact was a relief, once that initial few days past by. I guess you always miss the routine, but I'm sure eventually I'll find someone again, and if not, I'm happy being me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Giantsfan1972 said:


> Hey all, I posted and was active about 10 years ago while going through a divorce.
> 
> Here is my question/issue.
> 
> ...


Wait! What? When you say you have never been to her house do you mean you have never, ever been to her house? 

If I did not misunderstand what you said and you have never visited her house, ever, then she might have a live-in boyfriend or a husband.

You are better off without her.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

In the long run you did the best thing for yourself. I wish you luck in finding a happy relationship.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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