# Arguments



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Arguments

When was your last argument with your significant other?

How often do you argue?

Have you every brought up old stuff later on after the issue was resolved ? Do they?

How fast is the issue(s) solved?

draconis


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

My wife and I have had seven arguments in ten years. five I started over getting help to clean the house. her two were money issues once and I didn't understand/support what she wanted. As we are still together you can see they all worked out. Most of the arguments lasted for more then a day as it took time to resolve the issues we had or progress had to be seen. Overall though I'd say we have done well.

draconis


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## icey (Oct 11, 2007)

My fiance & I argue or "fight" would be a better word about once a month usualy consisting of him screaming and swearing at me ( I am not a yeller I like to talk things over so when he does this it upsets me greatly) & in front of our 3 year old saying he's leaving then he takes off in his car tearing of up the road, he's 34 years old mind you. He's always bring stuff up from weeks before from things I may have said or done even though I may have not relised it & he wont tell me at the time like I ask him too! Usualy because of the severity of the fights I dont want to talk to him for sometimes a few hours or a day after, even if it is resolved sometimes he wont discuss it & it fades away for a while..
My head is just a scramble of thoughts right now after 12 years of relationship.
icey


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

How was your relationship before this one? What was the guy like?

draconis


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## icey (Oct 11, 2007)

Ive never been in another relationship I met him when I was 17 & we have been together ever since, he was my first sexual partner as well..
icey


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Okay I can tell you this, not everyone is the same. In the other thread we can talk through each of the issues. If you are calm while he is yelling there is a problem. He needs to grow up. If you are remaining calm, then I would say he needs anger management classes and fast. I would make that a must to the possibility of continuing the relationship.

draconis


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## icey (Oct 11, 2007)

I should have put this in the other thread! he did do anger managment councilling once he went twice & said he didnt need to go back cause he was better & when I said he needed to we got into a fight over that..
icey


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

icey said:


> I should have put this in the other thread! he did do anger managment councilling once he went twice & said he didnt need to go back cause he was better & when I said he needed to we got into a fight over that..
> icey


What a fool. He thinks he is okay? Are you kidding. Sounds like he doesn't want to change. You deserve a man that will treat you with respect.

draconis


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## aeroz (Oct 14, 2007)

draconis said:


> Arguments
> 
> When was your last argument with your significant other?


Tonite



> How often do you argue?


About once every 3-4 weeks on the average, but usually they last for a maximum of 2 hours. Lately they've been lasting days.



> Have you every brought up old stuff later on after the issue was resolved ? Do they?


Yep.



> How fast is the issue(s) solved?
> 
> draconis


Sometimes minutes, sometimes days. More recently, days.


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

This is an interesting topic. My husband and I typically don't have arguments as most people think of them, because we both avoid confrontation. We have passive-aggressive arguments.



> When was your last argument with your significant other?


Hmmmn. I think it was yesterday. 



> How often do you argue?


Perhaps once or twice a month. 



> Have you every brought up old stuff later on after the issue was resolved ? Do they?


Yes. Mostly because the real issues are rarely resolved even when the surface issues are.



> How fast is the issue(s) solved?


It usually takes a day. The conversation/confrontation happens and then the next day we talk more and close the subject for a while.


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## ACCER (Oct 16, 2007)

3am today.

It lasted about 5 minutes.....

No one brings up much of anything. Like above, the surface issue is scratched but the main issue is unresolved, whatever it may be. We've been together 10 years.


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

> 3am today.
> 
> It lasted about 5 minutes.....
> 
> No one brings up much of anything. Like above, the surface issue is scratched but the main issue is unresolved, whatever it may be. We've been together 10 years.


Wow. If my husband tried to start a fight at 3am he'd be talking to himself. I'm not functional enough to communicate at that hour.

And I'm sorry we have similar situations, ACCER. It sucks when those arguments happen because at least one person is left thinking: "Where did THAT come from?! Towels? Did we just have a fight over towels?"


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Wow normally the only time I have fought with my wife, was over major stuff very few times but very intense.

draconis


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

draconis, if you're addressing me...

Usually when my husband and I argue its rarely over anything major. On major stuff we have similar minds about many things and have come to many agreements and compromises over the years. But we didn't have the best childhoods/past relationships so there are some... legacy issues.

I used towels as an example, but we've fought over silly things before--and it rarely turns out to be about what we're really fighting over. We get heated over things that touch our hidden buttons: power/control, self esteem issues, etc.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

evenow ~ Not you per se. It is just funny my relationship is less frequent but more intense.

draconis


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## is it me? (Oct 24, 2007)

The wife and I fight almost every week. It of course is over the most mundaine things, but it blows up and we say hurtful things and we are always trying to prove a point or point fingers, its all about who is right and wrong. I try not to be that way, but my wife drags me into her way of arguing. Things normally settle down after a day sometimes two. It usually ends in me apologizing and my wife saying nothing.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

is it me? said:


> The wife and I fight almost every week. It of course is over the most mundaine things, but it blows up and we say hurtful things and we are always trying to prove a point or point fingers, its all about who is right and wrong. I try not to be that way, but my wife drags me into her way of arguing. Things normally settle down after a day sometimes two. It usually ends in me apologizing and my wife saying nothing.


Try to not raise your voice. Many times arguments escalate because of volume. 

W: "Did you break the dish?"

H: "No dear."

W: "Well I didn't!"

H: "I believe you."

W: "Well you must have!"

H: "No I did not."

W: "Well who did then?"

H: "I do not know."

Short, sweet and calm.

draconis


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## Andrea (Sep 11, 2007)

draconis said:


> Arguments
> 
> When was your last argument with your significant other?
> 
> ...


Our last arguement was about me not trusting him. He did something I didnt agree with and lied about it. (that is all I am saying about that)

We rarely ever argue. We have been together for over 4 yrs but been married since Feb. And we have arguements maybe about twice a year?? We have little disagreements here and there but as for major ones, not often.

I will admit, we are both guilty of bring up old dirt. Im not proud of it, but if its still in my head im gonna bring it up. 

Our issues are USUALLY resolved within a 24hr period. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, sometimes a few maybe several hours. It all depends on how major the fight was and what the issue is. Sometimes I get so mad that i choose not to talk to him for like a day cause i dont want to say something hurtful or mean that will make him feel bad. So sometimes its best that way.


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## riskey58 (Oct 30, 2007)

My husband and I have been married for over 30 years, and yes we have had are arguments. But has you grow you will find yhat you argue less and less. But it is just getting through the rough spots at first.


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## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

my fiance and i have been together 6 years now. the stupidest thing we fight over is food. i guess i become greedy. the big fights usually over insecurites, jealousy, and money and the BIGGEST one is his mother. whenever he sees her and then my family and i or just myself sees him afterwards... it's like he's been poisoned. he's not someone to be around after he has seen her. all these emotions he has towards his mother conflict within himself and his face even seems to get distorted in a pain that i dont know how to explain. 

if he wants to cause an arguement i just say, "what you want start an argument?" and he says no and i say so "what is bothering you? what happened today that's making you upset?" 

but when i get mad and into an argument, and being that he ISNT so articulate in verbal communication, our fights tend to last a month or two. and it's not everyday. it's about 5 minutes every couple of days that i bring it up until all the information is out and i know okay that this is it, it's done. usually, to have an argument with him is even difficult because he just shuts off and then there's nothing at all. so this is why i do the little by little every few days until things just finally unfold. get's tiring, but he's been getting pretty good at just coming out with it these days.


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## miss.kitty (Oct 30, 2007)

*When was your last argument with your significant other?* Um.. a few days ago.

*How often do you argue?* We use to argue a lot, like weekly. Now it seems like we do maybe once a month.

*Have you every brought up old stuff later on after the issue was resolved ?* Do they? I am guilty of this, because I do it a lot. He has at times, but not nearly as often as I have. 
*
How fast is the issue(s) solved?* It's never solved, it's just dropped. I hate that this is how it is, but he is just impossible to talk to. When I try to solve something he just sees it as me trying to keep arguing.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

miss.kitty said:


> *When was your last argument with your significant other?* Um.. a few days ago.
> 
> *How often do you argue?* We use to argue a lot, like weekly. Now it seems like we do maybe once a month.
> 
> ...


Is it that he sees you as trying to keep arguing or does he see it as you trying to have your own way?

draconis


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## miss.kitty (Oct 30, 2007)

draconis said:


> Is it that he sees you as trying to keep arguing or does he see it as you trying to have your own way?
> 
> draconis


I think he sees it more as me wanting the last word. But he probably sees it as that as well.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Well next time you argue and things are going how you feel comfortable look at him say you have the last word. He says whatever and just look at him after and say what do you want for supper or what ever. It is a good way to lighten arguments.

draconis


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## miss.kitty (Oct 30, 2007)

draconis said:


> Well next time you argue and things are going how you feel comfortable look at him say you have the last word. He says whatever and just look at him after and say what do you want for supper or what ever. It is a good way to lighten arguments.
> 
> draconis


I have done that and he sees it as me just being a [blank!] I always let him have the last word or it would never end.


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## kajira (Oct 4, 2007)

Last arguement was last night - Nothing resolved - For the first time in 3.5 years I went out with some co-workers for a drink after work. It was something we had planned and I had discussed with the previous night. At about 15 min before I was to leave from work he calls "can you pick up milk", he did not remember at all. It is little things like this that make me feel like he never listens. On top of everything else my grandfather passed away yesterday morning, so the day was emotionally charged. As I was out with co-workers he proceed to call, drill me about where I was, he wanted to come and have a drink with me, I said no, "i didn't want him there" anyway it got ugly from there. He has apoligized over and over and this morning. Why do men behave badily? I just wanted a few minutes to breathe............txs for listening


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

kajira said:


> Last arguement was last night - Nothing resolved - For the first time in 3.5 years I went out with some co-workers for a drink after work. It was something we had planned and I had discussed with the previous night. At about 15 min before I was to leave from work he calls "can you pick up milk", he did not remember at all. It is little things like this that make me feel like he never listens. On top of everything else my grandfather passed away yesterday morning, so the day was emotionally charged. As I was out with co-workers he proceed to call, drill me about where I was, he wanted to come and have a drink with me, I said no, "i didn't want him there" anyway it got ugly from there. He has apoligized over and over and this morning. Why do men behave badily? I just wanted a few minutes to breathe............txs for listening


It sounds like he has a problem communicating and specially the listening part. Generally speaking it takes a thousand good things to make up for one bad thing in the relationship. Boy is your husband in debt!

draconis


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## miss.kitty (Oct 30, 2007)

kajira said:


> Last arguement was last night - Nothing resolved - For the first time in 3.5 years I went out with some co-workers for a drink after work. It was something we had planned and I had discussed with the previous night. At about 15 min before I was to leave from work he calls "can you pick up milk", he did not remember at all. It is little things like this that make me feel like he never listens. On top of everything else my grandfather passed away yesterday morning, so the day was emotionally charged. As I was out with co-workers he proceed to call, drill me about where I was, he wanted to come and have a drink with me, I said no, "i didn't want him there" anyway it got ugly from there. He has apoligized over and over and this morning. Why do men behave badily? I just wanted a few minutes to breathe............txs for listening


It sounds like he was a little jealous too. Maybe you guys could plan a night out together for the future, especially if it's something you don't get to do too often.


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