# No sex due to medication?



## man_from_idaho (May 7, 2015)

My wife and I have not been intimate of over a year and she claims she does not have any desire for that due to the medications she takes.
I am not one to stray but, I do think about it from time to time.
We have other issues that I will add as time permits.
What do I do? It's hard to talk about it with her since she gets defensive.
There is actually very little holding us together, and I am afraid to tug at those strings.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

There are any number of medications that do, in fact, have lowered libido as a side effect. Anti-depressants and oral contraceptives are among them, but there are others as well. She may legitimately have lowered drive due to her medications. 

However, I would also guess that a huge component of this problem can probably be found in those "other issues" you allude to.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Ask to go with her to talk to her doctor. Maybe the meds can be changed or adjusted to something without this side effect.

If she won't, or there is no alternative, then given the (implied) sorry state of your marriage, why not divorce?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

man_from_idaho said:


> *My wife and I have not been intimate of over a year* and she claims she does not have any desire for that due to the medications she takes.
> I am *not one to stray but*, I do think about it from time to time.
> *We have other issues *that I will add as time permits.
> *What do I do*? *It's hard to talk about it *with her since she gets defensive.
> There is actually very little holding us together, and I am afraid to tug at those strings.


First of all, it is the elephant in the room. You really do need to talk to her about it. But before you do that you need to loose all anger or resentment as she will hear it in your voice and body language. Wives are like that.

When you do talk to her about it, be honest. Start out by telling her if you has seen a positive difference while she is on the meds. If you have, then complement her and ask her if that has made her life easier. If it has ask her to tell you more about it has changed her life. Listen carefully to what she says. Stay away from your agenda of more sex.

After she has fully vented ask her if there are any parts about her medications that she views negatively. She will know where you are headed. 

Tell her you love her and miss feeling close to her, but her health and wellbeing are important to you. Tell her that you are having a hard time coping with the lack of closeness, then listen to what she says. She may also miss the intimacy.

The point of this is that you and your wife have an elephant in the room that you are both avoiding. You really do need to talk about it so you each understand the other's needs better. A year without intimacy is too long. She probably knows that. 

She may (like my wife was) be afraid that the moment she again has sex with you, you will want it constantly (from her perspective....like more than once a month) and you (if asked) will probably confirm her fear by saying something like you would like sex once or twice a week.

She may also be embarissed to talk to her doctor about such things and/or affraid of messing with her perscription for fear that the symptoms may reappear.

Good luck.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

man_from_idaho said:


> My wife and I have not been intimate of over a year and she claims she does not have any desire for that due to the medications she takes.
> I am not one to stray but, I do think about it from time to time.
> We have other issues that I will add as time permits.
> What do I do? It's hard to talk about it with her since she gets defensive.
> There is actually very little holding us together, and I am afraid to tug at those strings.


This was me for many years. My wife went through several depressive episodes and tried different medication which destroyed her libido. 

Someone can not want sex but still do it to please their partner. It's not selfish of you to want sex, it is selfish of her to not meet any of your needs. 

Get yourself in a good healthy place. When I went through this with my wife it almost drove me mad. I was able to find a couple of other friends who I could share with and get advice. It was really helpful when my wife and I were having a crisis to be able to go call a friend and at least share. I process my emotions by talking. Read a lot of relationship books, particularly "Boundaries". 

For my wife and I there was the medication/libido issue but also other issues going on in our marriage. I demanded counseling and learned a lot through that. A good counselor is hard to find, there are a lot of whackos out there. 

I don't know if you are a man of faith but if you are here is my word of warning: don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling or doing based on what their interpretation of the Bible (or whatever holy book your religion uses). When I started this journey with my wife I let other people make me feel guilty for wanting to have frequent good sex with my own wife. It took a lot of energy and intentional work to undo that programming. Read your Bible for yourself, read different interpretations and what other people have to say. 

In the end you have to decide if a sexless marriage is ok if she chooses to not want to meet your needs. My choice was to stay but only because I wasn't willing to commit financial suicide. Due to some really stupid financial mistakes earlier in my life we could not afford to separate. 

Get hobbies that don't involve her. Give yourself something positive to focus on that involves personal growth so that you are not always thinking about your marriage. This really helped me and continues to do so. I learned a new instrument and started running.

My 2 cents, feel free to PM me if you need someone else to chat with and I'm sorry you are going through this.


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