# Need advice on how to start dating after 30 years in one relationship



## Happiest by the water (Dec 12, 2012)

I need advice on how to start dating after 30 years in one relationship. Had been with my wife all that time and learned two months ago that she no longer wanted to be married and had an ongoing long term affair and a prior one night stand. Filed for divorce two months after learning this (no chance of reconciliation).

I'm moving forward with my life and would like to get back to being able to date when the time is right and I find the right women. My head is screwed on straight, I'm not looking back, and actually feel very good about putting the past behind me (it was never a great marriage and I look forward to finding someone who will be nice to me and fun to be with).

Here are a few questions:

(1) How do I find out if a woman is single. They may not be wearing a ring and may or may not be married, but how do you ask if they are involved with someone (without embarrassing yourself).

(2) I've already gone out for drinks (and light bar food) with a woman that I like on two occasions. We have fun together and I'd like to do more. Probably not a serious long term relationship, but someone I could see myself dating for a while. She definitely has gotten dressed up for our two outings and looks great. When can I tell her that I'd like to be more than friends (i.e. - be intimate with her). She seems like someone who would respond honestly and I feel comfortable.

(3) Not having dated for over 30 years, I don't know what the rules are. I'm 53 (54 in two months) and am completely in the dark about how things work today. I have read different things about how many dates before sex (and know that there are no absolute rules) but would welcome advice on how to "read the signals" of when it's okay to pursue someone beyond just a kiss on the cheek goodnight.

(4) I know not to talk about my STBX and do feel comfortable talking about the other parts of my life, including my grown kids (22 and 24). What else should I consider when I start to date.

(5) I'm pretty outgoing, have a good sense of humor, am considered by most to be a nice guy. My STBX tells me that I am good looking and always pleased her sexually. I'm just a novice about getting back in the game.

Any advice would really be welcomed.

Thanks.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Hi - 

Can't help you in the real world because I did online dating at the age of 48. I'm not into the bar scene & found it worked perfectly. Marital status is on the profile (single, separated, widowed) so that part was easy. I dated a bit, met my now husband & have been with him for 4 yrs. (married 2).

My exH was your age when I left him. He meets women at a local upscale bar that is known for single people our ages LOL. I guess he just strikes up conversations & doesn't outright ask if they are single. It just flows....he is currently on his 2nd LTR girlfriend 

Of course people lie about anything & everything online & IRL so be prepared for that.

As far as sex, again it just flows - no "rules."

With the woman you are seeing, start with light hand touching & shoulder brushing & see how she responds. 

Stop worrying & have fun!

A cool guy in his (almost) mid-50's with grown children is VERY attractive to many single women.


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## Happiest by the water (Dec 12, 2012)

Thanks for your open and honest reply. You made my day.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Emerald said:


> As far as sex, again it just flows - no "rules."
> 
> 
> Stop worrying & have fun!
> ...


:iagree: 100% on all points above. 

Relax and have a good time.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

rule number 1, there are no rules until you set them


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

I was married 24 years. I met my second husband on plentyoffish.com. It is free. Best thing I ever did.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I met mine on Match.

I find EHarmony to "scientific." Also lots of love going on over at Christianmingle.com if you are a Christian.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Forget about history. Focus on yourself in the here and now. Use your imagination to figure out what your wildest dreams are. Make them realistic. Focus on them. Then go from there.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I also want to caution you about some people who will say they are "divorced" & then come to find out that it is not legal. This happened to my Brother (only separated, never filed) with a woman he met & fell in love with & the first man I dated online. His profile showed divorced but it was a lie.


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