# update



## blueyes (Mar 25, 2010)

For those of you that remember me on here, I have an update on my situation, I am now divorced and living with the man that I had an e/a with and resulted in a full p/a. My ex husband has moved on with another women and is happy I think. I went through a nasty separation and divorce ended up in jail and restraining orders because of domestic abuse. It was very hard and I do have regrets on how everything went down for me. I did break it off with the other man for a time and that's when I left my husband as well. I did some soul searching and seen other people then ended up back with the e/a man that ended up being a full relationship for both of us. My regrets are with my children as they have been dealt the worst of it all, with us loosing our home and they had to start being adults real quick. I am very sorry for that, it was their decision though to do that, I wanted them to stay with me but they had other plans. So sometimes everything does work out in the end after a log struggle and just wanted to thank Affaircare and some of the others that had helped me along the way and give a bit of hope to those that are going through it now. Thanks


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

It would have been better if you either stayed single or began a relationship with a totally different person, not your affair partner. Unfortunately, your relationship started out with deceit and lies, not the basis of a healthy relationship. Remember the saying "If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you". Please keep that in mind.

Good luck.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

incredible!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

blueyes said:


> So sometimes everything does work out in the end


Yeah


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Wow...just wow....:scratchhead:

Some days the monastic life looks like utopia.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

What an example for your children. I wonder why they left.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I guess there is often no happy ending when a spouse chooses to have an affair.

Hopefully your children are giving your husband lots of love and support as he tries to rebuild his life and put the scars your affair gave him behind him.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

You know blueeyes I am happy for you. You got exactly what you deserved. The only problem I have is your only regret is your children. Here is what you should regret.

1. You betrayed your vows.

2. You betrayed your husbands love

3. You betrayed your kids love.

4. You betrayed your families trust.

5. The people who loved you the most and would of done anything for you. You decided to inflict unholy harm on again and again.

6. You have left a scar on your husband that will never heal. It is akin to taking a puppy and cutting it over and over the only reason you can do that is that it is helpless. Your husbands love made him the perfect victim for you and you just kept cutting.

7. To say your kids had a choice is laughable. If you stab someone is it their choice to die? After your actions they understand very well that you will never put them first. Instead your most base desires come first.

8. You had a bad divorce huh? Yeah I bet you kept seeing the OM through it.

8. You deserve him and he deserves you. Now I don't have to worry about you destroying someone innocent man.

9. Your husband deserves a new women one that can actually be a role model of dignified womanhood. 

10. I hope someday you can actually understand how misguided and utterly evil you have been to your family. In their lives you have done them more harm than any outside force. You where supposed to be in there side instead you cast them away.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Has your husband posted the OM on cheaterville.com yet?


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

I feel better about my life already.

:smthumbup:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> I am very sorry for that, it was their decision though to do that...


No! Sorry! I am *not* allowing that to stand unchallenged!

*No! It was not their decision to do that! They took a principled, courageous decision to show to you that no, they most certainly did not approve of your decision to pierce your husband's heart with the spear of infidelity and throw him away like an old shoe!*

_You wrecked their lives. You have probably damaged them for ever. Just because you got the result you wanted does not mean the result of your infidelity was good. _

*At least not for your ex-husband and your ex-children*


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Hi, I wrecked the lives of my whole family, but I got to marry the scumbag home wrecker and wanted to gloat so cheer for me.

Wow, selfish as the first time you took it from another man still I see. By the way, he will not be satisfied with you and as selfish as you are he will not be able to make you happy either.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Paging all sympathizers, all sympathizers, please report immediately! 

"crickets chirping"

Sorry OP, looks like you should have let that sleeping dog lie. Ouch.


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## Alyosha (Feb 27, 2012)

I think it's unseemly to begrudge another person happiness.

So, congratulations!

I hope it lasts forever....

...but if you are a believer is studies and statistics, don't bet the farm on it.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

blueyes said:


> My regrets are with my children as they have been dealt the worst of it all, with us loosing our home and they had to start being adults real quick. I am very sorry for that, it was their decision though to do that, I wanted them to stay with me but they had other plans.


This is self delusional prattle. I just had to text my EX and try to explain why my kids kind of really 'hate' her or at a minimum hate what she did and has become.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Does your om or now partner know about the other men in between him and your husband? 

I feel for your children. I hope they recover a good sense of moral compass.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Alyosha said:


> I think it's unseemly to begrudge another person happiness.
> 
> So, congratulations!
> 
> ...


I am wishing for her misery so her ex husband can feel better when she gets what is coming to her and her kids learn a valuable lessen that you can't have your cake and eat it too.
If a murderer is happier to be locked up should we be happy for him?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I somehow do not recall the OP being quite this delusional when she was last here...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Why would you even come back here and bother to post this....


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

blueyes said:


> I am very sorry for that, it was their decision though to do that, I wanted them to stay with me but they had other plans.


 Your children had no say in this, so stop falsely claiming otherwise. It may make you feel better, but it is not true. Like all cheaters you are trying to blame shift fault away from yourself. Blame shifting to your husband is bad enough, but to your children, that is just shameful. 

Since you have lost your moral compass, let me spell out why your children could not live with you even if they wanted to. They could not live with you because they do not want to have anything to do with your affair partner (AP). Since you choose your AP over your family, they hate him. He is also the enemy of their father. Staying with you would have meant that they would have to be nice to to the AP and treat him with respect that they do no have for him, and would have been viewed as an act of betrayal to their father. Just because you had no problem being disloyal and betraying their father, does not mean that they would be OK doing it. Bottom line, you have good and decent children that did not want to hurt their father any more than he has already been hurt by you.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

A PM to Affaircare would have sufficed why come back and state that you haven't changed since the affair!!!:scratchhead::banned2:


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I have to admit, I feel bad about being mentioned in this kind of update, because I tried and tried and tried and TRIED to help you to get out of the FantasyFog and help you do the work to examine yourself and your marriage and repair the damage. It's my personal opinion that to be a person of character, you honor your promises, act with integrity and honesty, look at yourself and do the work to address your issues (whether your spouse does or not), and you put spend your time and money and energy on what you are committed to (your marriage). 



> ...So sometimes *everything does work out in the end after a long struggle* and just wanted to thank Affaircare and some of the others that had helped me along the way and give a bit of hope to those that are going through it now.


I'm not sure how in the world you think this "worked out." You irreparably destroyed your relationship with the one person whom you promised to love and respect until you were dead--because you would not address your own issues and stop acting on your "feelings." 

You irreparably harmed your relationships with your adult children by putting them in the position of "staying with you and your adultery partner" against their own father whom they rightly love...or being forced to take care of themselves too soon, too young. 

You lost your home, spent time in jail, had to be in court for criminal and family law, lost income and devastated a family...all because you wouldn't stop acting on your "feelings" (which, by the way, can change depending on the time of month, whether you've eaten or not, your amount of sleep or stress, etc.). 

I just do NOT see how this could be viewed as "worked out in the end." I don't see it anywhere!! 

The divorce is final. Okay you survived that. 
You're living with your adultery partner: I notice he won't commit to you. Maybe it's because if he's willing to cheat on his former wife and break "those" promises, it means he's also willing to cheat on you and break the promises he made to you! Maybe it's because you can't support yourself so you have to depend on a man who has demonstrated he's okay with destroying other peoples' families! 

All I can say is don't involve me in your choices. You didn't listen to one bit of advice I gave you and I sure as shooting did not encourage any of this. Hey I get it that not all marriages recover, but you could have chosen to do the honorable thing and stayed single and worked on yourself! OH NO you chose to ignore everything I said. 

So I hold you no ill will--you chose what you chose and it's your life, so you get the benefits and the costs, not me. But I would ask if you would please not associate me IN ANY WAY with the way you chose to do things despite my warnings. Good luck!


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Affaircare said:


> I have to admit, I feel bad about being mentioned in this kind of update, because I tried and tried and tried and TRIED to help you to get out of the FantasyFog and help you do the work to examine yourself and your marriage and repair the damage. It's my personal opinion that to be a person of character, you honor your promises, act with integrity and honesty, look at yourself and do the work to address your issues (whether your spouse does or not), and you put spend your time and money and energy on what you are committed to (your marriage).
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I wish I could like this 6 times.....:yay:


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I wish I could like this 6 times.....:yay:


:lol: Go ahead! I'm not stopping ya  LOL :rofl:


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Affaircare said:


> :lol: Go ahead! I'm not stopping ya  LOL :rofl:


It had to be quite a shock to get a shout out in a postng like that.:lol:


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm wondering what where the " hope for others " is to be found in the update?

You husband got dumped so you could be with the OM.

So not so much hope for those wanting to save their marriage.

Your kids were smart enough to recognize the deep wrongness in you affair and divorcing their father. And they chose their accordingly,

So a little hope for bs who are parents ,that the children will have strong morals and will not cave and accept the affair.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Truthseeker1 said:


> It had to be quite a shock to get a shout out in a postng like that.:lol:


Well I think I actually tried to help and didn't entirely hit her upside the head or rip her a new one. 

I kind of did today, but man! I think I'm about as patient as a person can be with some WSs but that in no way means I encourage or support affairs EVER! And I sure don't see this as a hopeful post or a good update. About the only positive I see is that she didn't die.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Affaircare said:


> Well I think I actually tried to help and didn't entirely hit her upside the head or rip her a new one.
> 
> I kind of did today, but man! I think I'm about as patient as a person can be with some WSs but that in no way means I encourage or support affairs EVER! And I sure don't see this as a hopeful post or a good update. About the only positive I see is that she didn't die.


TAM can be emotionally exhausting. I read a story today that hit me in the gut and I don't even know the person. Sometimes I think with infidelity some WSs simply go crazy - they make no sense whatsoever.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I believe I get what's going on here.
Despite she posted here aleguedly "trying" to stop her affair I'm rather sure she was posting also elsewere... you now... "those" sites.
Likely she just updated the wrong one.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

The rationalization hamster has AMAZING super powers. Talk about clueless.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What did she do to her poor husband that was serious enough to deserve jail time?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> What did she do to her poor husband that was serious enough to deserve jail time?


Married the poor guy


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Acabado said:


> I believe I get what's going on here.
> Despite she posted here aleguedly "trying" to stop her affair I'm rather sure she was posting also elsewere... you now... "those" sites.
> Likely she just updated the wrong one.


In a previous thread, she directed waywards to one of "those" sites so they could avoid being "ripped over the coals".


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)




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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Jasel said:


>


The new king of your house?


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

treyvion said:


> The new king of your house?


I have to admit it would explain the smell.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

> So sometimes everything does work out in the end after a long struggle


I'm pretty sure that's how "Mein Kampf" ended.

Here's another one: 

"If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed."

Say what you want about him but he knew his liars and cheaters.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

doc was down so here was were the good news got posted?


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

i might've missed it, but where's the "happy ending" in this update. everyone you mentioned has had their lives uprooted.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

This isn't an update, it's a downdate.


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## Alyosha (Feb 27, 2012)

nogutsnoglory said:


> I am wishing for her misery so her ex husband can feel better when she gets what is coming to her and her kids learn a valuable lessen that you can't have your cake and eat it too.
> If a murderer is happier to be locked up should we be happy for him?


I understand where you are coming from. I'm no saint. I've found myself wishing bad things for my ex who cheated, faked R for 7 months and then left me for her affair partner. 

What I've learned is that it is not healthy to wish suffering on others. Even murderers.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Post and run?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Post and run?


I think in her affair fog she some how thought that her situation change was worthy of praise because at least by divorcing her husband she was no longer cheating.

I suspect she honestly felt like it was a better thing she was now doing, but she didn't count on TAM taking the side of her betrayed husband.

The bad guys won in this particular tale.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

blueyes said:


> For those of you that remember me on here, I have an update on my situation, I am now divorced and living with the man that I had an e/a with and resulted in a full p/a. My ex husband has moved on with another women and is happy I think. I went through a nasty separation and divorce ended up in jail and restraining orders because of domestic abuse. It was very hard and I do have regrets on how everything went down for me. I did break it off with the other man for a time and that's when I left my husband as well. I did some soul searching and seen other people then ended up back with the e/a man that ended up being a full relationship for both of us. My regrets are with my children as they have been dealt the worst of it all, with us loosing our home and they had to start being adults real quick. I am very sorry for that, it was their decision though to do that, I wanted them to stay with me but they had other plans. So sometimes everything does work out in the end after a log struggle and just wanted to thank Affaircare and some of the others that had helped me along the way and give a bit of hope to those that are going through it now. Thanks


You say 'everything does work out in the end'... are you sure it's the 'end'? Have you walked off into the sunset yet? Have the credits rolled? Stick around if so... wait for the bloopers and out-takes.. those are always a good laugh.

Sorry to hear that your children decided to become adults real quick. How selfish of them.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Alyosha said:


> I understand where you are coming from. I'm no saint. I've found myself wishing bad things for my ex who cheated, faked R for 7 months and then left me for her affair partner.
> 
> What I've learned is that it is not healthy to wish suffering on others. Even murderers.


I'm living proof of the "Be carfeul what you wish for because you just might get it" line

I wished that my XW would be miserable after she left me... I got my wish, but the collateral damage that my Daughter started receiving as a consequence was tough to deal with.

This trainwreck has been painful to watch.

It wasn't long before I starting re-wishing that my EX would have re-married a handsome Doctor, or such and lived happily ever after.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> I think in her affair fog she some how thought that her situation change was worthy of praise because at least by divorcing her husband she was no longer cheating.
> 
> I suspect she honestly felt like it was a better thing she was now doing, but she didn't count on TAM taking the side of her betrayed husband.
> 
> The *bad guys won* in this particular tale.


They've won the game. The match isn't over yet...

With an attitude like her's, you just know she going to fall and fall HARD...


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

This woman didn't win anything. She crawled underneath a rock with her equally scummy affair partner. Hopefully she will stay there and leave her poor kids and ex alone.


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## blueyes (Mar 25, 2010)

Divorces to happen, it is a shame, I didn't come back on here to gloat or brag. I simply came back to give thanks to certain people for helping me through a rough time. I am not here to defend myself or explain because non of you know what went on, I did not have an affair, the marriage was over and done before I seen anyone else. My kids are fine and have loved me through everything as I have them, that's what matters. I do feel sorry for you guys who on the first notion will attack people you know nothing about and I am sad that your situation has made you all like this. Take the thank you or don't, it is up to you. Good luck in the future


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Bye.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

blueyes said:


> I did not have an affair, the marriage was over and done before I seen anyone else.
> 
> I am now divorced and living with the man that I had an e/a with and resulted in a full p/a.


Of course you didn't.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

blueyes said:


> Divorces to happen, it is a shame, I didn't come back on here to gloat or brag. I simply came back to give thanks to certain people for helping me through a rough time. I am not here to defend myself or explain because non of you know what went on, I did not have an affair, the marriage was over and done before I seen anyone else. My kids are fine and have loved me through everything as I have them, that's what matters. I do feel sorry for you guys who on the first notion will attack people you know nothing about and I am sad that your situation has made you all like this. Take the thank you or don't, it is up to you. Good luck in the future


We're all just happy that your scumbag AP took you off the street so some other poor sap won't have to end up with you. In that way, it really did work out for the best.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

blueyes said:


> I am sad


:iagree:


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

blueyes said:


> Divorces to happen, it is a shame, I didn't come back on here to gloat or brag. I simply came back to give thanks to certain people for helping me through a rough time. I am not here to defend myself or explain because non of you know what went on, I did not have an affair, the marriage was over and done before I seen anyone else. My kids are fine and have loved me through everything as I have them, that's what matters. I do feel sorry for you guys who on the first notion will attack people you know nothing about and I am sad that your situation has made you all like this. Take the thank you or don't, it is up to you. Good luck in the future


So the race starts. Who will start cheating on the other first?... Place your bets.

My money is on her. She'll end up doing the same thing to this guy that she did to her ex-husband.

Of course, he could beat her to it... He's probably messing around on her already.

This is ganna be a trainwreck.


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