# New wife regretting not calling it off



## Chocokitty24 (Nov 13, 2011)

I was recently married, my concern is that my husband has more than a few issues. 
To be brief: He has a problem with my sexual past (37 previous partners) no one night stands and 3 abusive boyfriends, 2 separate rapes, and my first partner was a completely selfish person with no morals or conscience. My husband was a virgin when we met and didn't tell me till after we slept together. I had my suspicions when we first dated but after how fast he moved the relationship forward I was more worried he was a lying user and was just taking advantage of me. This has been a problem for the few years we've dated and counseling only turned up encouraging the negative behaviors as he lied to the counselor about the problem. He used to become physically angry and hit the walls, I've put a stop to that but now he just gets angry and either yells or cries and has nightmares about me having sex with my exs (not all of whom he knows). 
My husband also has some parental issues that he only recently admitted to as his parents have never been supportive of him and never encouraged him. In point of fact they have discouraged him, even from going to college after getting a full ride (he still went and graduated with honors). 
My husband also has some social issues and is more than socially awkward, he often tends to completely offend people with his tactless remarks or mis-spoken comments. Some have been worse than others, the worse having been directed at me at the worst possible times. For example: early in dating I went on a trip to see my parents and he called me one night to ask me if I was a ****. Nice eh? He knew about the rapes and abusive boyfriends at this point. I was also depressed at the time from being home with my family, my mother was abusive to me as a child until I left her household. He later apologized but more because I had gotten upset than actually being sorry to have said that. I forgave him and later he admitted he only apologized because it hurt me. 
My husband also has some jealousy issues. He doesn't like it when I go dancing and gets upset if he even thinks I danced with another guy. He worried I don't think he's manly enough and is constantly asking me to tell him why I love him or tell him I'm glad he saved himself for me (his virginity). 
The problem I am having is that movies about people having sex outside of marriage set him off, or as the occasion has come up when one of his more bold girlfriends asked me about my sexual history I answered truthfully as I am not ashamed of my past and I don't regret it, simply because it will not do me any good and all I can do is learn from it as I have an moved on with my life. I got one crappy night of arguing over that as he felt I was saying his sacrifice (his words) of not sleeping with other girls was meaningless and that I wish he hadn't saved himself for me. Now I am and always have been a loyal and faithful wife, encouraging, supporting him and helping him be more positive and compassionate with himself. BUt I feel as though my patience is wearing thin. Little things set him off or put him into a sighing/crying state. Then he blames the ensuing argument on me. He made me a promise to go to counseling but has since reneged on it. He says he wants to get better but does nothing to actually change or attempt change. 
It is very early in my marriage but I fear that it may only get worse and I refuse to have children in a possibly bad relationship. 
I admit I have issues but I have gone to therapy and continue to better myself, even my husband admits I have succeeded in bettering myself as we dated and since our marriage. I admit I am not perfect, for all those out there he does have good qualities, he is kind and very good at doing little things to make me happy but I fear these small things cannot make up for all the larger issues. I had thought of calling off the wedding a month before but felt we could work it out, hence his reneged promise ( promising to work on his issues and go to counseling again). I have tried to forget the issues but then something little like a movie or someone's comment sets him off and then it starts all over again. 
I didn't get into this relationship to help him or change him. It took about 3 months into dating for him to admit my past bothered him and then the call and subsequent arguments. Should I have called off the wedding? Should I end the marriage or keep trying? I feel worn thin of late and worry with winter that his depression and mine will put one of us in the mental hospital, and it may just be me.
More info: My husband is 28, I am 25, my husband was a virgin until 25.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yes, you should have called off the wedding. 

And what kind of friends ask about sexual past? This blows my mind as it's not the first time I've seen this. My friends are no prudes, but to be that personal with someone...wtf?

I don't know what advice to offer you, you knew how he was before you said "i do". It wasn't going to get better, in fact--- it usually gets worse.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And if someone should ask you about your past, you do have the right to say it's none of their damn business. What, are they writing a book? Geebus.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw virgin until 25 isn't that uncommon, but it sounds like you came from a different social life world where huge numbers of relationships were quickly burned through. I'm not judging either of you, but you need to realize that it's like you come from teo different cultures.

Btw, as much as he has a problem with you number, your post comes across as if you also have a huge problem with his number. If he picks up on that, no wonder he is having issues with yours.myour asking him feel like he isn't good enough for you, and since your married he can never be good enough since to increas his number he would have to cheat.

Now while you call him socially awkward, keep in mind that while you are on the surface more socially adept, that for all that ability you burned through a pile of dead end relationships so in someways the two of both have social troubles- one too closed, the other to quickl
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Answering honestly in front of him shows blatant disregard for your husband. And a lot of ppl around here are upset by infidelity in movies and on tv.

Why did you marry him if there were so many problems? What was in it for you? 

Someone's past can be frightening, especially when the person seems to flaunt it. Rapes are tragic. And so is his fear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

