# Would you go on vacation without your wife?



## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Quick background...together 19 years this July. Vaca was planned last year.....my job is forcing me to cancel (in finance, big corporate audit, mandated). Hubs usually does one week a year with the boyz (off road dirt biking) and I'm good with it. Not really my thing, and it gives him a week of "guy time" and me a week of "me time". This has happened for many years, no issues.

This current trip is one we both enjoy, traveling about 1300 miles to a small hobby type event, and see a group of people from many miles away that we only get to see once or twice a year. I am crushed that I cannot go, but there isn't anything I can do about it. My week is shot (unless I quit my job lol)...end of discussion.

Would you go without your wife? We have no kids by choice, hubs could reschedule his week off work no issues...this event is a once a year thing....cannot be rescheduled...would you go?


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Well I'm a wife not a husband, but I wouldn't go if my husband couldn't. And if he wanted to go when I couldn't, I would be pissed. It sounds like that is an US thing, not a HIM or HER thing, and it should stay that way.


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Just looking at the math I likely wouldn't go. We each only get 4 weeks off a year. That would leave only 2 weeks max for together vacations, and probably less as you need a few days through out the year. 

If the dirt biking trip was canceled this year maybe we could talk about it.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

So which do you prefer?

Being pissed at your partner for letting work interfere with a scheduled vacation?

Or be pissed at your partner for taking the scheduled vacation because you chose work?

If going were important to me, I'd go. If going with you were important to me, I wouldn't.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm sorry,not a husband but I have such strong opinions on this.I do not go on vacations without my SO.He is my best friend,my activity partner,a big source of joy for me.Vacation would not be vacation without him.
It always strikes me as interesting when people take separate vacations.


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Frankly I've never gone on vacation without my wife and couldn't envision doing so. I just wouldn't have a good time without her.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Not a chance. We'd eat the cost (if money already paid out) and/or see if friends/family would like to go instead, if it's already paid. But going on ANY vacation without him? No. Sorry, but to me, the point of vacation is going away WITH him, not away FROM him. From my own POV, solo vacations, even with friends w/o my husband, is getting away from him. I'd never do it.


----------



## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Deejo said:


> So which do you prefer?
> 
> Being pissed at your partner for letting work interfere with a scheduled vacation?
> 
> ...


That is the problem....I have no choice unless I quit my job...He was bummed, but not really that upset...and has plans to go....because it is important to him...

Thanx for the feedback...keep it comin...


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Deejo said:


> So which do you prefer?
> 
> Being pissed at your partner for letting work interfere with a scheduled vacation?
> 
> ...



Pretty much my feelings.

You're already okay with him going with the "boyz" for a week at a time. What's the difference here? Just because you _can't_ go? How does HE feel about that?

I say this only cuz I don't have a problem with going on a week long ride with my Motorcycle Club. Neither does she. Regret has gone on vacation a few times without me (once to my Uncle's 70th birthday) because I was on call for flying all the time.

It's give and take. However, I'd be curious to know what your husband thinks about you not being able to this once a year get together due to work.


EDIT: You answered as I posted. Thanks


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

notperfectanymore said:


> ...and has plans to go....because it is important to him...


So, as to my previous post that he already does vacations with the boyz, are you upset mostly because this is usually a joint vacation?


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

notperfectanymore said:


> That is the problem....I have no choice unless I quit my job...He was bummed, but not really that upset...and has plans to go....because it is important to him...
> 
> Thanx for the feedback...keep it comin...


Personally, I just have a very hard boundary around work and personal time. 

I give them plenty. The moment they think they can dictate how I spend my time is the moment I tell them to go f*ck themselves.
If you are a partner at your firm or whatever, I get it. But, and I'm not suggesting this is the case ... if they said they needed you, or couldn't do it without you, and insisted you cancel your vacation, I'd tell them to "figure it out."


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

It would depend on what is going on during this vacation. You call it a 'hobby type' trip. It would also depend on the length of the trip. Also, how much holidays do I get a year. Also, depends on what type of people these are (partiers, cheaters, etc.).

If it was a hobby I enjoyed (with or without you) and I liked all these people, and it was only a few days (thinking a weekend or long weekend) then I might go without you.

I go golfing a week or two a year with buddies. My wife goes on short trips with her girlfriends to do the same. She just came back from a four day golf trip.


----------



## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> So, as to my previous post that he already does vacations with the boyz, are you upset mostly because this is usually a joint vacation?


It is simply one of my favorite things to do...(cross country motorcycling...I ride my own  )I'm trying NOT to be upset you see...I have a corporate ball & chain around my damn ankle that I'm TRYING to get rid of...Hubz is a workaholic and the idea of me quitting my job is "crazy" to him. (I financially support myself and would do fine) I need to not blow my career out of the water...and be professional about moving on. I don't want to be "that Chick" and make him stay home...I'm just looking to see what others think..


----------



## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> It would depend on what is going on during this vacation. You call it a 'hobby type' trip. It would also depend on the length of the trip. Also, how much holidays do I get a year. Also, depends on what type of people these are (partiers, cheaters, etc.).
> 
> If it was a hobby I enjoyed (with or without you) and I liked all these people, and it was only a few days (thinking a weekend or long weekend) then I might go without you.
> 
> I go golfing a week or two a year with buddies. My wife goes on short trips with her girlfriends to do the same. She just came back from a four day golf trip.


It is a full week trip...I am not concerned about cheating...we are good there...


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

notperfectanymore said:


> It is simply one of my favorite things to do...(cross country motorcycling...I ride my own  )I'm trying NOT to be upset you see...I have a corporate ball & chain around my damn ankle that I'm TRYING to get rid of...Hubz is a workaholic and the idea of me quitting my job is "crazy" to him. (I financially support myself and would do fine) I need to not blow my career out of the water...and be professional about moving on. I don't want to be "that Chick" and make him stay home...I'm just looking to see what others think..


Totally understand that!! Then to answer the question that you titled this thread with: Yes. I would go on vacation without my wife.

I'd rather her be there...however, I would go as long as we discussed everything openly and honestly.


----------



## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

notperfectanymore said:


> That is the problem....I have no choice unless I quit my job...He was bummed, but not really that upset...and has plans to go....because it is important to him...
> 
> Thanx for the feedback...keep it comin...


I understand. Had a trip to the Caribbean planned with the family. I had to bail on the last half because of a project for my client. My wife and kids stayed. To me, it was not their fault I had to work. No one was thrilled about it, but it was the best (or perhaps least bad) choice for us.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I understand. Had a trip to the Caribbean planned with the family. I had to bail on the last half because of a project for my client. My wife and kids stayed. To me, it was not their fault I had to work. No one was thrilled about it, but it was the best (or perhaps least bad) choice for us.


I agree with you. BUT, what if you did not have kids?


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

It seems like you really don't want him to go. Did you tell him? 

That seems to be the issue rather than if a husband would do it at anytime. But you already do it so you probably just need to let him know you're not feeling it this time.


----------



## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> I agree with you. BUT, what if you did not have kids?


My answer is not fair, because my wife is not big for travel outside the US without me, so I know she would not have gone if the kids had not already been promised this.

But she in fact is going without me this summer for a couple of days. She is taking the kids to visit grandparents, and staying in that area to get away from things. Only a couple of days, as she will then bring the kids back. I can't get away, so she is going solo. 

As much as I would like her to come right back, I don't think it is fair that she has to put her life on hold to wait around for me. Of course, she is does not abuse it (only a couple of girls weekends with her sisters or the like) and I have worked very hard to keep better boundaries with work.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I think it all depends.

My wife has a large group of women friends she travels every year with, to different vacation destinations in the Caribbean.

I don't go with them , because , well its just women in that group, and most of the destinations, I have already been there.

However, she told me that next year they're heading to two destination in South America , and my response to her was :
Definitely this time I'm going!
lol.

I have gone on mostly all mane hunting / camping / adventure trips without my wife already.
But I don't think I would want to go on a vacation all by myself without her.
I don't think it would be fun..


----------



## MeditMike80 (Dec 29, 2012)

I understand its your job and I don't know how many years of experience you have but if I were in your shoes I'd quit or go on vacation and let them fire me. NO job should ever come before your family and doing things with them, no matter how small your family is. I get it, I used to be in finance - I got sick of cow manure like that and just quit and went back to school. If I were you I'd try finding a new place to work. Companies that don't respect family time aren't worth the pay check in my opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

MeditMike80 said:


> I understand its your job and I don't know how many years of experience you have but if I were in your shoes I'd quit or go on vacation and let them fire me. NO job should ever come before your family and doing things with them, no matter how small your family is. I get it, I used to be in finance - I got sick of cow manure like that and just quit and went back to school. If I were you I'd try finding a new place to work. Companies that don't respect family time aren't worth the pay check in my opinion.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanx for this....I am NOT crazy for wanting to quit my job so the Corporate World cannot dictate my life to me..worked to damn hard for too damn long to let that happen....I have one helluva decision to make...

Love the feedback...thanx so much...keep it comin


----------



## MissMe (Feb 26, 2013)

Deejo said:


> Personally, I just have a very hard boundary around work and personal time.
> 
> I give them plenty. The moment they think they can dictate how I spend my time is the moment I tell them to go f*ck themselves.
> If you are a partner at your firm or whatever, I get it. But, and I'm not suggesting this is the case ... if they said they needed you, or couldn't do it without you, and insisted you cancel your vacation, I'd tell them to "figure it out."


If, by some freaky chance, my job required me to reschedule my vacation, I would. Why? 

#1. I would only be asked in a dire emergency.
#2. I need my job. I'm paid well above market rate.

I'm guessing you are not a partner in your firm?


----------



## MissMe (Feb 26, 2013)

notperfectanymore said:


> It is simply one of my favorite things to do...(cross country motorcycling...I ride my own  )I'm trying NOT to be upset you see...*I have a corporate ball & chain around my damn ankle that I'm TRYING to get rid of*...Hubz is a workaholic and the idea of me quitting my job is "crazy" to him. (I financially support myself and would do fine) I need to not blow my career out of the water...and be professional about moving on. I don't want to be "that Chick" and make him stay home...I'm just looking to see what others think..


So you are half way out the door anyway? Quit, go on vacation. :smthumbup:


----------



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I think it would depend on the type of vacation. Weekend vacations away with the SO are not a big deal. A week long vacation that you plan to go together and then one can't, not sure about that. Now if there is money that is already spent which can not be gotten back, that would influence the decision.


----------



## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

gbrad said:


> I think it would depend on the type of vacation. Weekend vacations away with the SO are not a big deal. A week long vacation that you plan to go together and then one can't, not sure about that. Now if there is money that is already spent which can not be gotten back, that would influence the decision.


There is no money involved. We don't have any reservations...we ride and camp @ any campsite as long as they have hot water showers.  Would that change your decision?


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Would you go on vacation without your wife?*



notperfectanymore said:


> There is no money involved. We don't have any reservations...we ride and camp @ any campsite as long as they have hot water showers.  Would that change your decision?


Not for me. Jobs come and jobs go but marriages are (supposed to be) forever. I had a job that was taking too much time away from the family. I made really good money but they wouldn't compromise and give me enough family time. I don't work there anymore and never regretted the decision once.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Every couple is different. I can take a hall pass and party with escorts on vacation if I want but it just doesn't sound like fun to me. 

Some people like time off and take separate vacations on purpose. Who are we to judge.


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

nope


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Is it something you can reasonably go to next year or another occasion, or is it a once in a lifetime thing? 

Also, what's the hobby thing in question? Without a designation, I'm imagining a Magic the Gathering tournament.


----------



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

notperfectanymore said:


> There is no money involved. We don't have any reservations...we ride and camp @ any campsite as long as they have hot water showers.  Would that change your decision?


That seems like a vacation that could be done at any time. Not sure why the person would go by themselves for that.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Would you go on vacation without your wife?



Stonewall said:


> nope


My husband would say "No" too....and I feel the same ....I've had a few chances to do little trips with Gf's ... not interested.....I know they'd drive me batty after so many hours and I'd be missing him terribly... why put myself through that. 

For us... a Vacation is not a Vacation unless we're together.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> My answer is not fair, because my wife is not big for travel outside the US without me, so I know she would not have gone if the kids had not already been promised this.
> 
> But she in fact is going without me this summer for a couple of days. She is taking the kids to visit grandparents, and staying in that area to get away from things. Only a couple of days, as she will then bring the kids back. I can't get away, so she is going solo.
> 
> As much as I would like her to come right back, I don't think it is fair that she has to put her life on hold to wait around for me. Of course, she is does not abuse it (only a couple of girls weekends with her sisters or the like) and I have worked very hard to keep better boundaries with work.


My wife these past few years has gone to visit her mom for a week or two. This fine with me. She was gone when my mom passed away and asked if she should come home and I told her no.

This said I would not be ok with her going to a resort by herself. For a number of reasons.

So these are very different situations.

Aso one reason I don't mind so much is that my wife has summers off. So she is not spending all her vacation doing this. We still get our time.


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

It's obvious that you don't want him to go without you but you're conflicted about asking him not to.

My thoughts, is ask him not to go otherwise you may hold some resentment because he was suppose to know you didn't want him to. The thing is we suck at reading minds. Then the ball is in his court and it's a different question depending on what he says.


----------



## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> Is it something you can reasonably go to next year or another occasion, or is it a once in a lifetime thing?
> 
> Also, what's the hobby thing in question? Without a designation, I'm imagining a Magic the Gathering tournament.


It is a once a year motorcycling event...small, less than 100. We went for the first time last year. When we do things like this, we take different routes each time to see various parts of the country. (2700 miles round trip). We had planned to go back this year also...great people we only see once a year...a week on the road, seeing sites...etc....


----------



## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

gbrad said:


> That seems like a vacation that could be done at any time. Not sure why the person would go by themselves for that.


It is an open house event put on my the manufacturer...intimate group of owners from all over the country...he has this event once per year. Hubz owns one of these "toyz".


----------



## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> It's obvious that you don't want him to go without you but you're conflicted about asking him not to.
> 
> My thoughts, is ask him not to go otherwise you may hold some resentment because he was suppose to know you didn't want him to. The thing is we suck at reading minds. Then the ball is in his court and it's a different question depending on what he says.


He knows how upset I am...it is only because of me and my job that I can't go. He works his azz off and is very much looking forward to going and seeing his friends, and he deserves it. I was hoping he wouldn't want to go without me..that maybe we could schedule something a week or two later, not the case. He really wants to be at this open house event. He knows how I feel. He will resent the hell out of me if he stays home just because I can't go and told me so. I am trying to be a mature adult here and not "demand" that he stay home. I never want to be and have never been "that chick" that orders their man around. I understand he wants to be there, and I can't be. Very much appreciating the feedback...


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

notperfectanymore said:


> He knows how upset I am...it is only because of me and my job that I can't go. *He works his azz off and is very much looking forward to going and seeing his friends, and he deserves it. *
> 
> I was hoping he wouldn't want to go without me..that maybe we could schedule something a week or two later, not the case. * He really wants to be at this open house event. He knows how I feel. He will resent the hell out of me if he stays home just because I can't go and told me so.*
> 
> *I am trying to be a mature adult here and not "demand" that he stay home.* I never want to be and have never been "that chick" that orders their man around. I understand he wants to be there, and I can't be. Very much appreciating the feedback...


If I was in your shoes notperfectanymore, I can understand how you feel....but you also care greatly how HE feels (and that makes you a wonderful wife [email protected]#$)...saying he works hard and he deserves it... after all the event *can't* be changed... so why should he miss out.... 

It's just a matter of unfortunate circumstance here..it's no bearing on the 2 of you.. so you make the best decisions you can with what you have to work with...that is all this situation is really. 

Let him go with a blessing, he will praise you all the more for your attitude. It's only a matter of days... Fill yours after work with something fun as well... they will fly by...and you'll both be back together again.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

If it means anything, I think you are handling these unfortunate circumstances exactly as a 'mature adult' should.

Disappointed, but understanding. Says a great deal about you as a partner.


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I didn't get if we got this in a previous post but -

What's come up at work that they know ahead of time now that you can't go on this vacation? And - does that mean you don't get your vacation time this year - or what?


----------



## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> I didn't get if we got this in a previous post but -
> 
> What's come up at work that they know ahead of time now that you can't go on this vacation? And - does that mean you don't get your vacation time this year - or what?


The Co I work for was purchased by another late last summer. Mandatory financial audit taking place that week....all members of finance are required to be there. Not losing time, just THAT WEEK....GRRRR...


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

If this issue were in a vacuum then I like the advice given. However it seems like he's disconnected emotionally based on your other thread that pretty much says he doesn't really care about what you think or how you feel on any topic. Do you suspect mid life crisis?

Plus I'm wondering about your screen name? Is there a deeper meaning to it? Just trying to figure out the rest of the story. If there's infidelity in the past for either of you.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...espect-actually-considering-leaving-over.html


----------



## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> If this issue were in a vacuum then I like the advice given. However it seems like he's disconnected emotionally based on your other thread that pretty much says he doesn't really care about what you think or how you feel on any topic. Do you suspect mid life crisis?
> 
> Plus I'm wondering about your screen name? Is there a deeper meaning to it? Just trying to figure out the rest of the story. If there's infidelity in the past for either of you.
> 
> ...


No infidelity..not an issue...we have been working really hard since that last thread...so things are better...this is the first bump in the road since then....but he is old school and won't read any of the books, come here or any of that...

I don't want to make him sound like an azzz....we are just now rapping up a huge remodeling project @ home that he has put about $10k of his own sweat equity into...

I have been learning to communicate better and understand his needs...I have explained to him that this is killing me but I don't want to be a biotch about it...I'm a big girl and can handle it (I think)


----------



## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

I chose my screen name because the 1st 16 years we WERE the perfect couple....then the fam moved in...and changed everything.....my only regret in the past 20 years...ugh!


----------

