# 5 months since he left



## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

It has been 5 months since my husband left, 3 since I found out he was cheating. If you want to know the full story look for 'he cheated on me with an 18 year old" ... I don't know how to link it. When he left my babies were 22 month old and 4 weeks old. My youngest girl is not 6 months old. She sits up, rolls over, chats... My little boy now says 'big truck' and dances up a storm. I still have to wait another 7 months of my husband screwing his new gf before I can file for divorce (OZ laws). I wish I could say I'm much better.... but I can't. While I don't feel dazed anymore and I can actually fall asleep, it's hard in other ways. I'll have moments of feeling happy with my children and then something happens and I feel so much lower than ever before. Like yesterday, all of a sudden my little son just began crying hysterically and standing by the front door calling 'dada dada'. I didn't know what to do. I feel like I've ruined his life. I didn't cheat, I didn't leave, I don't neglect my kids, I'm not the *******. Yet, I feel like it's my fault. It's my fault I gave them this father and not another. 
I spent almost 8 years with this person. I moved across the world for him. I commuted from Boston to NYC for the last 6 months of university, so I could live with him and get my visa in time for when his was going to run out... so we could be together. I worked full time so he could work part-time and follow his dream of making it as a professional musician. And he is now. And not with me. 
Now I get to wonder if an 18 year old is hanging out with my kids when they're with him. Now I get to be mature about this. Everybody says I need to get over it, stop controlling, accept the situation. But my heart breaks. When we decided to have children I never imagined I would have to part with them on regular basis. I come from an 'intact' family. Letting my children go weekly is unfathomable... heart wrenching. I don't know if I can live like this. I really don't. 
5 months later, and no easier. I don't want to be with him, I don't. But I feel broken for life. I will not trust anybody again. Nobody saw this coming. Nobody. So far he has given up a wife, children, a house, most of his friends, his reputation.... A teacher screwing his student. I still feel tempted to tell on him sometimes. But it's no good for my children, and she's no longer his student. I can't prove it, etc. I quit FB in order not to continue hurting myself and checking. I'm still in pain. 
Anybody out there survived something similar? Words of encouragement welcome.
ps. some people say it's my fault for getting with a musician... I didn't even know he was a musician when i first met him... he was a conservatory nerd, never got any girls, didn't do drugs. It wasn't like that. We were both young. I expected him to grow with me, he expected me to stay the same... impossible, either way you look at it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Do you know anything of his childhood?


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Both parents are together still. Came from a family with bi-polar dad, who worked hard as an engineer. Mom is the laziest human I have ever met however. She's 58, retired for 5 years, never really worked to begin with. Dad does everything... cooks, cleans. She travels and blows money. My ex was the older of 2 siblings.... not the favorite. Guess he needed to be #1 in somebody's book and since we had the kids the focus shifted on to them. Eh...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

It figures he's from a home filled with neglect.

When someone is emotionally broken, there are so many internal triggers, it's difficult for them to process adult emotions.

He may have felt so overlooked (by you) when the kids arrived, his internal reaction of "here we go again" scared him so that he hit the door.

You're likely not dealing with an angry disgruntled man, but a scared little boy. That doesn't make your situation "easier", per se, but understanding what's happening never hurts.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Just wanted to say that I am really feeling for you, honey. I changed my life around, crazy visa situation, supported him financially, etc for five years before he left me. Also a scared little boy...they don't even know they have issues, I promise you. You deserve so much better and I hope someday you will find it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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