# I'm trying, but I'm reaching the end.....



## haroldg12 (Jun 10, 2011)

My wife and I had a rough year. We nearly separated in the fall of 2010. Things were getting better between us as we worked towards finding that love for each other again. I'm more in love with her than she is with me. She has told me that it's going to take time for her to get that love back. I told her I would work hard and be patient. I know it takes time and doesn't happen overnight.As the weeks, months went by, she still wasn't having those feelings towards me, but she was getting there. Everyday I worked to help her fall back in love with me again. I felt that we were making progress. We would fight every now and then,but nothing major. She'd tell me the "I love you's", "I miss you's", etc.Whenever we were apart, she would call me and let me know that she missed me. I started to feel good and thought we were making progress. Well I had to move 5 hours away for a job so we are living apart currently(which doesn't make things any better for us). We talk to each other everyday(twice a day or more) and she still tells me how much she misses me. She's even surprised me by visiting me one day. She had her mood swings, as any woman or man would and those were the tough times. We've gotten into arguments over the phone and there were times where she's told me that she still doesn't feel the love that she felt for me before. It hurts to hear that, but all I do is keep trying to win her back. We've talked about her moving here and getting a 2 bedroom apt, we text ea. other saying we love ea. other every now and then.But the times we fight, she brings out the "I don't feel that love that I felt with you" argument. But when everything is good between us she tells me she loves me and misses me. Sometimes after an argument she would text me and tell me that she's sorry and the reason for her being grumpy is because she "loves me" and "misses me soooooo much".I constantly(daily) tell her that I miss her and love her. But tonight we had a fight and she brought up the "I don't have those feelings like I used to have for you anymore" argument.......I'm getting so tired of the emotional high's and lows she putting me through. Just when I think things are going great, she throws that at me. She might really mean it, but why the hell would she tell me how much she loves me and misses me, etc? I don't know. I tried asking her that and she doesnt give me a straight answer. Im getting tired of having everything built high and then outta nowhere everything comes crashing down. Then a couple days later everything is going good, and then it crashes all down. I'm crying alone at night, I feel emotional pain, some nights I can't get to sleep. Have a hard time at work. I still love her. Thats what makes things so damn hard.I just wish I didn't love her so it'll be easier for me to leave the relationship.But it so damn hard. She won't go to therapy either. I tried. I promised myself that I would give it my all in this relationship and when I get to the point where I just can't take it no more, then I will leave. But I haven't yet....I'm getting close, but I'm so emotionally drained of having some many highs and lows.She also cries and I'm sure she feels pain, but sometimes I think she just wants to put me through pain because she says I ignored her for 3 years of our marriage.Yes we had problems, but I would never ignore her. I might have hurt her in the past, because I wasn't as intimate as I was when we first got married.I really don't know why I was like that, maybe it was because of work and stress. But that lack of intimacy for a year and a half really hurt our marriage(which I understand)I think she is putting ME through the pain that SHE said she went through. It's like she's putting me through this emotional roller coaster on purpose and when the ride ends, she's going to get off and leave me. I'm just so emotionally hurt and tired right now. I'm gonna sleep and hopefully tomorrow is going to be a better day. Before I got off the phone tonight, I told her that we should just sleep it off tonight and talk tomorrow. She said ok and hung up. No "I love yous" like we usually say. Just "bye". I'm reaching my end, but haven't reached it yet. I still love her. I'm just so tired. I'm going to bed. Thanks for reading this, I had to vent somewhere and somehow. I'm tired of crying


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## haroldg12 (Jun 10, 2011)

talked to her yesterday. She seems back to normal. She tells me she loves me and is waiting for me to get there(I'm visiting her June 23). I text message her yesterday to tell her I was going to sleep. She text me back and about 30min later, called me. We talked a little. I know she's not bi-polar, cause she doesn't display any symptoms. She's a family doctor, by the way, so I'm sure her work really stresses her out. She's gets to work at 8am and doesn't leave until 8pm almost everyday. I know its rough on her and i feel she kinda takes it out on me. It doesn't happen everyday, but I can tell when she's moody just by the way she talks. I think she says things she either doesn't mean, or maybe she means but it comes out in a horrible way. Like the last night we fought. She told me crying that she doesn't think that she loves me the way she used to before. Not sure if she said that out of frustration because we are a long distance away and she had a very rough day or if she really means it. I'm sure part of her really means it, but the other part still has feelings. We've been talking before(and now) about getting a two bedroom apt and saving up money for a home here. She mentions for me to look for an apt that has two bedrooms these next couple weeks. She's even text msg me last week(after I sent her flowers) that and I quote....."When we have our home please make sure to always have flowers on our table". Don't know. I'm just confused. How does she really feel? Is this all a lie and she's pulling the covers over my eyes? Sometimes I'm just so confused.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

You are doing most things well.

Your living apart, this needs to end. What of her doctor job, is she going to relocate her career? What is the reason you must work 5 hours away? Her place is with you, so make that happen sooner rather than later. 

Your statment that you love her more than she loves you, that is most telling. Why is this? 

What word besides love can more accurately communcate this situation? You "Need" her more than she "needs" you? You "Desire" her more than she "desires" you? Spend time to understand specifically what is the imbalance, so it becomes more clear the specific steps to correct the imbalance. Do not simply stop at the word "love", that word itself usually not meaning what we often think it means.

And this: Your emotional level needs to stop being so attached to hers. 

She is a woman, and a woman is not wanting her man to sink or rise merely when she sinks or rises, but she wants him to always be steady and in control of himself. A man who routinely collapses emotionally, that is a sure fire relationship killer.

So stop putting so much stock in words. Actions and behavior count FAR FAR FAR more than any words. IF your wife tells you "I love you", fine. If your wife doesn't tell you "I love you", fine. If your wife tells you "I'm not feeling like I used to for you", fine. 

(Although I will add here that any good man will want to stand up and take notice ANYTIME a woman expresses her FEELINGS, I repeat any good man will want to pay sharp attention to his woman expressing her FEELINGS, but understand that is only for the good man to self diagnose and calibrate his own actions and behavior, NOT for him to react to emotionally or with mere words.)

So your wife says she not FEELING the same love for you? That means this, she is telling you plain as day that you are not acting or behaving in the ways that spark her attraction, or light her feminine fire.

Indecision, weakness, emotional turbulence, being a follower, being only reactionary, not taking initiative, not having a plan, not following through with plan, not setting goals, not creating a vision, the man who acts and behaves in this way, a woman will never be able to FEEL with the man security that precursors her desire, passion, and emotional vulnerability that she CRAVES to share with her man.

In short, a woman who cannot FEEL trust for her man will not have desire for that man.

Even to the point of her feeling only resentment and disgust for such a man, for when a woman is not feeling secure, she is feeling insecure, and the man who instigates feelings of insecurity in his woman, well sadly he better be prepared to lose his woman. 

Whether with divorce or with some affair man, a woman will NOT tolerate this situation for long.

So your course of action is this, restore the respect and attraction of your woman.

Do this by controlling yourself (emotionally), and controlling your masculine presence and direction in the relationship.

Decide right now that your own happiness or success does not depend on whether you get approval from your woman (or any woman ever). Carry this attitude in strength in ANYTHING you do relationship wise, and you see respect you given skyrocket (and all other single good men reading this, be careful on this one, women will come out of woodwork when you truly get this and take it to heart). When respect combines with your consistent display of masculine strength and self control, there comes TRUST, which we know is the foundation of all relationships. 

Decide right now to either restore your marriage to bliss, or be perfectly willing to cut your woman loose. This will give you the freedom to do what needs to be done, instead of chasing the phantom of somehow "winning her back" rather you need to be doing the real, effective task of restoring the Haroldg12 that your woman initially fell in love with. Have the attitude that you can have ANY of the over 3 billion woman in the world, yet the woman you desire is YOUR WOMAN. First imagine how would your actions and behavior be if this was literally the case? Now, literally make those actions and behavior the reality!  

Decide right now to get yourself and your wife together under the same roof, and make it happen. Do not let your goal rise or fall on the number of "I love you's" or whether your woman has good day or bad day. She WANTS to see the strong, masculine mettle you are made of, the mettle that you display when you KNOW what you want and are WILLING and ABLE to pursue what you want no matter if the seas are calm or the seas are turbulent. Full speed ahead on this!

Your destiny as a man, is more than just wishing or waiting for your woman to be or do or say this or that. What is it YOU are wanting or desiring? Set your goals, imagine your desires, and pursue them with all the mettle you are made of!

I wish you well.


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