# any advice would be welcomed



## Foxyroxy

I have been married over 30yrs our 16yr old son was killed 5yrs ago in a by a drunk driver. We have three other children two already on their own and one left at home. We had a good life not perfect but for the most part life was good. Our marriage had some ups and downs like any but it also was good. We were proud that we were problem solvers and had been through financial problems as well as health issues and we still loved each other. Many of our friends said they wished they could have a marriage like ours we knew each other inside and out. 
Of course this was before tragedy hit our home and our son was ripped out of our lives without notice. I can't even explain how we felt or the things it has done to us. WE have reviewed that night over and over in our mind. Its like watching your son die over and over. I recently was diagnosed with cancer and it actually turned out to be what I needed as it made me realize that I didn't want to curl up and die that I wanted to see what our other children's lives are going to be. I want to experience their adult lives with them. I even told the doctor since they felt sure I could beat this cancer as it was caught early enough, that maybe this was a sign for our family to get back on track. At least as much as anyone can. However my getting cancer was the last thing my husband could take and he literally went over the edge. He had been becoming more depressed all along but it seemed when he found out about my cancer that pushed him into a shell. He shut me out and he became very mean to me, it was like he wanted me to leave him. Or he wanted me to not like him. I don't know I just know that more than ever I need him and I don't think he is going to even try to change this. This is really hurting my kids as well, I am not sure even what to do. We have done the grief councelling as well. Is there anyone out there that has been in a similiar position?


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## chefmaster

Foxyroxy said:


> I don't think he is going to even try to change this.


I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

I can't even imagine what you two went through with losing your son.

Your husband hearing that you have cancer is pushing him into a different dark corner. It will likely run it's course, whatever it is. I'm guessing it's anger, at you. It could be other things but that would be my guess.
He's pushing you away in an attempt to get to a place in his mind where he can survive, knowing that the the rock he's been clinging to since your son died has just shifted and loosed a little bit.

Is there any chance you can get him back to that grief counselor?

Please try not to take the things he says right now too personally, it's really not about you even though it's aimed right at you.


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## Foxyroxy

thanks for your feedback, I am still trying to get him back to the grief councilor but not sure I will have any luck. I honestly don't know what to do anymore?? I love my husband very much and always will but I am setting a poor example for my kids as I just take the abuse he dishes out. It hurts them that I don't put my foot down. I come at it from two different angles, I know what he is doing is not good for me in many ways but I am not sure he can even help it right now he is sick. I think he feels so low that he is miserable and he carrys that to me. For now I will just keep searching for ideas, and input and maybe some how something will be a wake up call to him.


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