# Confused, any adive?



## lauren2013 (Jun 7, 2013)

I have been married for 22 years and things were getting a little strained between us, but we have always worked it out before. One afternoon out of the blue my husband asked for a divorce. Wow, I never saw that coming because at that point we were doing well, talking, laughing having sex every night, I felt things were fine. He swears 100% it is not another woman and I believe him because I know where he is all the time. After my husband telling me he wanted out during our talks all weekend, he suddenly switched and said no we will work it out. So here I am 2 months later and I feel like a basket case, I can't tell if he is happy, if he staying for us or our son. He isn't affectionate with random loving gestures, but we have a very active sex life until 7 nights ago he all of a sudden said he didn't feel like having sex and he is acting distant again. I feel sick to my stomach. I asked him last night if he was ok and he said he was fine. The last kicker is last weekend he text messaged me a picture of his private part with a kinky message. I thought it was great because we were flirting like teenagers! So I sent him a pic of me, which he claims he loved. However last night I peaked at his pictures on his cell phone and he erased my picture and he has pictures of sexy models from a web site. I was so hurt that he did not keep my picture but instead got sexy pictures of these models...I am very athletic and my body is pretty toned, although I cant compete with internet models. Should I be upset, why would he have these pictures on his phone? I am a basket case, walking on egg shells always wondering he is going to leave. He never tells me he loves me so there is never any reassurance from him. I watch him hug and kiss and tell our children, family members that he loves them and I don't even get that. Any advice?? 

I originally posted the above to the wrong forum (oops) so I am trying it here for some feedback. For an update seeing it has been 2 months since the above; my husband is very hot and cold. One week I think its great he is affectionate loving and snuggles all night and I am on top of the world thinking how great our relationship is. The next week he is agitated distant grumpy and doesn't touch me at all. No sex, love yous or kisses... nothing. He has erased all the pictures from his phone that I mentioned above but at this point I don't care about that any more. He is so unapproachable so talking to him is out of the question. I honestly don't feel like he is in love with me at times, but I know he must be because he would leave I think?? help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## cxf33 (May 30, 2010)

When you two discussed divorce, what was the main reason that he gave? It seems there is some other factor that you haven't disclosed, as I am having trouble like you putting it together. I sometimes feel like getting out of my marriage and may have some insight to offer.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

hmmm... I'm thinking that picture was sent to you by mistake, and he was intending it to go to one of the models that he's collected pictures of... Time for you to start doing some digging. Start with cell phone bills, and texts to numbers you don't recognize. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Do yourself a favor and move forward with the divorce yourself. I agree with PB about that pic being sent to you by mistake, I'm sorry. I thought that as soon as I read it. Just because he is still around doesnt mean that he is still in love, I am sorry to say. The way he is treating you shows that he really isnt caring about working on things, he is just staying put because that is what is familiar, and he thinks that you will stick around no matter how crappy he acts. I think he is a cheater, personally. Do some digging...check internet history, cell phone records, etc. But I think you should make the preemptive strike and file for divorce yourself, you deserve better than this.


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## lauren2013 (Jun 7, 2013)

cxf33 said:


> When you two discussed divorce, what was the main reason that he gave? It seems there is some other factor that you haven't disclosed, as I am having trouble like you putting it together. I sometimes feel like getting out of my marriage and may have some insight to offer.


that is the frustrating part, he couldn't give me answer. He told me I am such a great person, good mom etc. None of it made sense. Sometimes he seems happy and in love other times he looks miserable. I wish I could just let him go and tell him to get out and play games somewhere else, but I love him too much.


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## lauren2013 (Jun 7, 2013)

PBear said:


> hmmm... I'm thinking that picture was sent to you by mistake, and he was intending it to go to one of the models that he's collected pictures of... Time for you to start doing some digging. Start with cell phone bills, and texts to numbers you don't recognize.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here is the really confusing part, he told me he took pictures of himself and that he was sending them to me. I have been checking his cell phone text, cell records, credit card statements and email ever since he dropped the bomb and there is nothing out of the ordinary. If he isn't at work he is home, so I am 100% sure he is not cheating online or in person. He is never alone long enough. So can you see why I am so confused.


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## soulconnection (Jul 10, 2013)

You are completely certain that he has no "connection" with an Internet model? 

Hmmmmm....honestly, if he gave no reason that should give you reason to be concerned. How can you trust someone who wants out of a marriage for "no reason?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Can he be having a EA at work?

Maybe 180 is the way to give him what he says he wants. If he doesn't miss you, it was dead anyways.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'd bet anything there is someone else.



> He swears 100% it is not another woman


This is cheater script. Swearing there isn't someone else means there is.

Time to do some snooping but don't let on that you are.

Read the infidelity forums and get some tips.

I know you believe him but how can you fix this until you at least rule out a third party?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Lauren,

You're in luck, Mavash is an ace advisor. Listen to her and you will make fast progress. Nothing is pain free or magic.

VAR (Sony) usually brings results in a week.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I can't guarantee cheating he may just be checked out but I think in your other thread he said it was for "no reason". That's another red flag for someone else.

There are only a couple of reasons someone would act like this and not have a reason. One is some sort of mental issue where they themselves don't know WHY and the other is infidelity.


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