# I can't trust my wife



## Ah83 (Jun 1, 2015)

No matter how hard I try for a few years now I have been haunted by the idea my wife might be having an affair, it's basically been a lot of small events, no actual proof but certainly red flags.

I am trying my best but I still keep picking up on things and going over them in my head, I don't understand why my intuition (if it is that) will not just let it rest.

What can I do about it? If it's paranoia then there are things which even someone not paranoid would find odd like her reactions to things and so forth, it's taking over my life.

I started a thread on here 6 months ago where I was going to look a lot deeper into things but the stress of it all actually made me I'll caused my to have anxiety problems and all the other mental stuff that comes with that.

I don't understand why I feel like this woman I love is lieing to me, but then when I haven't met any of her work friends for 4 years someone might think the same right?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Well you have to go James Bond to get the evidence.
VAR velcroed under passenger seat, pull phone records to see if they're a number she calls or text often. Do you have access to her phone, email, and social media?
If you do look, if you don't get them even if you have to "crack" them. Is she doing GNO? Has she changed her appearance or gets decked out to go to work? Your ages, kids? how many, hold? We need more info.

But you also need to work on yourself. I sense a lot of weakness. Women hate that. Work on things to improve yourself. Go to the gym. Improve your look, ie: fashion, hair, hygiene, ETC. You do this to improve your confidence, which woman love and hopefully attract her. You will never nice or logically convince your wife that she should be loving and true to you. She has to desire it. That's where your self improvement can help. 

Also make sure you're active with manly hobbies and with male friends. Women want a man that has something going. She doesn't want a needy guy who's following her around like a puppy.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If I remember correctly, she doesn't treat you well anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

You should have just posted an update to your thread from June. @BetrayedDad checked back for an update and you haven't posted since.

Have you done any of the investigating you said you were going to start back in June? If not, why?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

The problem is you're afraid of the answers you will find if you start searching. Trust your gut, add up all the "little things", check her phone, computers, and track her movements. You owe it to yourself to know the truth, there's no sense spending another minute with someone who is lying and betraying you.

I too was afraid of the answers at one time, stupid stupid me, those are years of my life wasted that I can never get back.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

How can we help you OP if you ignore our advice? Check your other thread, all the advice you need is there. We even PM'd each other, you yes'd me to death and did nothing. We're leading the horse to water but you won't drink.

INVESTIGATE!

If you don't have the stomach for it, hire a pi or get a friend or family to help. We can't expose your cheating wife for you, all we can do is tell you how.

My two cents, intuition is a powerful tool. GO WITH YOUR GUT. You got alarm bells going off left and right, more red flags than a communist parade and you're paralyzed with fear of the truth.

Stop wasting time on here lamenting and come back after you figure out who the hell your wife is screwing. I told you before you'll know inside of a week, she doesn't even seem to be trying to hid it too much anymore. Which means it's been going on for a long time.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> How can we help you OP if you ignore our advice? Check your other thread, all the advice you need is there. We even PM'd each other, you yes'd me to death and did nothing. We're leading the horse to water but you won't drink.
> 
> INVESTIGATE!


squeamish about snooping?

information is power, and knowing the truth is always better than living a lie.

and, if you find nothing in a few weeks, it will make you feel better, and you can rebuild trust...that's a positive for your marriage


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

Two things stood out to me, you seem to be asking yourself way too many questions. The more questions you ask, the more doubt you'll create. Stop asking yourself and start talking to your wife about these doubts. Second, having created that much doubt, your insecurity might have resulted in you thinking that she may deserve better and that makes everyone, including her co-workers you haven't met, all suspects.

You have had plenty time to take advice and apply it, not to mention simply talking to your wife. By handling these types of thoughts and emotions by yourself, they will intensify. Whatever you focus on, you will experience. There is an entire science dedicated to this... physiology. It's time to talk to your wife about those red flags.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

AH

My experience with people who react (as YOU claim in your first post on your first thread) often is a person Who grew up in an unstable and abusive household with at least one parent who abused alcohol. In short "go nuclear" with little provocation. 
What is her family background and past relationship history,

Without the info you are not sharing it is hard not to perceive you as either a troll, drama prince, or a passive aggressive individual seeking crowd validation. 

Take your threads private or PM individuals such as


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

What are you expecting from the people here?

If you want to know how to investigate it, you've already been given advice on how to do that. Do you want us to tell you she's cheating so you don't have to bother doing anything, or would you prefer us to tell you she isn't cheating so you can put these feelings aside and get on with your life.

I'll tell you what, I'll do both, you can pick whichever answer you prefer.

*Your wife is cheating on you. Leave her.*

*Your wife is not cheating on you. Put aside all your doubts and trust her completely.*

Has that solved all your problems then?


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Looks like you are afraid of what you will find. If this is a case, just stop warring, and get back to life. If you really want to find answers, then follow advise that was given to you by members of this board. Take charge of your life.


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## Tito Santana (Jul 9, 2015)

Hmmm... Not sure I understand the rationale of not investigating. It may cause some anxiety in the short term, but don't you want answers? If you don't, you're just being a sucker and a massive facilitator.

If I ever thought my wife was going to the bone zone with another dude, I'd buy a Ferrari, grow a giant stache', and turn into Magnum PI. I'd investigate the s**t out of the situation. I just don't think I could by a bystander while the woman I love made a fool out of me.

I think you should do the same, don't you?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I think anytime a couple is not forthcoming in sharing about their lives, the good , bad & ugly of their day, co-workers even (unless they are in a job held to strict confidentiality) ...it will stir questions in our mind, our hearts ... to whom she IS sharing with ...what she is sharing.. . we all need a soft place to land sometimes.. if we're not connecting at home.. we often do find it elsewhere, it's a human craving to connect.... this needs addressed ... 

I assume it wasn't always like this.. what has happened in your marriage to cause this divide?? 

Sometimes a couple needs a counselor to get this jump started again.. or to dig up the resentment.. but yeah.. if there is cheating.. it needs to be put into the light.. this is no way to live....


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Ah83 said:


> I started a thread on here 6 months ago where I was going to look a lot deeper into things but the stress of it all actually made me I'll caused my to have anxiety problems and all the other mental stuff that comes with that.


Sorry, but if you're not mentally strong enough to investigate, then you might as well sweep it under the rug. You'll change your mind when she leaves or hits you with divorce papers and the OM is moving into your home.

edit: Ok, I've had the chance to read your other thread and you seem to either ignore all the advice given to you or you lack the strength to implement them. 

Not everyone can be saved. You're going to have to hit rock bottom before you can change your ways.


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## Trakz (Aug 9, 2015)

If you have access to her cell phone there are tracking apps that you can put on her phone to find out where she is going. Then you can follow her over there and confront. Put a keylogger on the computer. 

If you are afraid of what you will find by investigating then it's probably best you just get out of this relationship before it drives you nuts and the whole thing explodes. If you investigate and you find nothing then you can at least quit worrying about it and maybe seek counseling as to why you're so paranoid and have these assumptions. 

If this has been going on for months now and you haven't done anything despite the factor that you asked advice then I really don't know what other posters can advise you on till you get this done.


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## Trakz (Aug 9, 2015)

@ lordmayhem

not to hijack this thread but your avatar fooled me. I noticed it and for a brief moment went "wtf? I don't have bugs" and then facepalmed myself


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

You think that sitting there and stewing in this problem is going to make it better? The only way your going to have any piece of mind is to find out the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts but at least once you find out then you have your options. Right now you don't have any because you either hope it will go away on it's own or choose to live with the fact. If that's the case then your in for a long bumpy ride.


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