# So how do you know when to throw in the towel



## bs193

Long story short, my wife has had an alcohol problem for several years and it has been apparent to me and her family. Problem is, although she acknowledges it has been a problem. She is convinced she can learn to manage it and refuses to accept her not being able to drink. She has gone months without drinking only start again and have it get out of control very quickly. Last time she told me she now realizes she can never drink after many failed attempts to "manage" it. In MC, she acknowledged this again and made a commitment to keep alcohol out of our lives.

Fast forward a couple months later and we are back to the "I think I can control it now" discussions. She is convinced it isn't really a problem, she can control it, and the next time will be different (been hearing this for a long time). 

She is still not drinking, but only because I told her I will not have it in my life again, and now feels this is a control issues (me telling her what she can and can't do). I feel this is becoming hopeless because if she is not staying sober for herself, then only two outcomes will result. She will either drink again, which I can no longer stay around to see, or she will resent me for "controlling" her. Even the therapist pointed this out and told is it will not work if she can't stop for herself.

I feel we are at an impasse now. Even if she is willing to not drink, if she is only doing it because I am telling her she needs to, and does not see that SHE needs to, this marriage will eventually fail.


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