# 10 months after leaving



## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

Hello! 

Well, some of you may vaguely remember my story, some of you wont. I just figured I'd make a post about what's happened with me since my wife came to me one day and said "I want a divorce."

If you're unfamiliar with my story...in a nutshell this is what happened:

"I love you but i'm not IN love with you" turned out to be code for "I'm cheating on you with a guy on the internet who i've been flying out to see"...


Well, many months ago now, I try not to think of how long exactly, and honestly it seems vague to me anyhow, but the divorce was finalized.

Since then I've spent most of my time doing what I like to do.

I'm a skydiver, so I spend most of my time, or as much time as I can afford, in the air. This is something I enjoy, and never did while I was married because she didn't like it, and I didn't want her to be alone if something happened to me. (The sacrifices we make right?)

I spend a lot of time at the gym, and working, and just generally doing things that for the most part make me happy.

I've been dating since we separated, and I've had plenty of good experiences. Many people seem jaded by past bad experiences with relationships, that's not my style. Not everyone is a cheater, and I don't let that affect me while dating. I am however, the "not looking for a serious relationship right now" kind of guy...things will happen as they do, you know? And I don't want to jump into anything, after having been "off the market" for 8 years.

October I'm running TWO 10k races/adventure runs, rock climbing in red-rocks, snowboarding for 10 days in colorado in december, visiting family in Atlanta for Xmas....traveling a lot for fun mostly...going to go outside the country maybe next year too!

In short: My life after divorce has been: Working, making more money, traveling, having more hobbies I couldn't do before, and dating women (whom, are super-model-esque types I never in my wildest dreams would imagine would be into me. Mostly I guess because my Ex-wife was bad for my self-esteem)

Things always look up guys! Just keep chugging the path.

On a funny note---

Sometimes mail shows up, or my ex finds an excuse to text/email me...if I respond, she sees that as a segue to ask "How are you doing?" or to create random small-talk...I never respond to that.

Just this week, she tells me (a year after I move out) that she has a box of my stuff, and I can get it if I want. ...she then says "Oh, but I heard you moved out of state now...so nevermind?"...

Basically, she heard from a friend of mine I was interested in leaving...and assumed I moved already. It sounds like she is just trying to confirm if I left or not. Seriously, What's the point of that? And with all the small talk asking how I am and stuff? GRRRR

Anyhow, I said "You can toss it, or keep it."...and didn't acknowledge her question of whether or not I moved. It's none of her business anyhow.



So, I'm rather content. I won't lie guys, I think about her frequently when I'm making long drives, or when I hear something, or see something familiar that reminds me of her. There are sad times when I think of that stuff...but that's just life. It's less frequent than it was during the whole mess...and honestly, I don't think anything about her when I'm dating someone else.

One day, all the crap you go through won't be so painful, it'll just be an empty thought. A memory. But it won't really hurt anymore. And you'll find plenty of things along with way that make you happy.

I don't know about you, but I don't mind having a few bad days, if the majority of my days are happy!

I wish all of you out there that are new to divorce, or going through separation/divorce the best. Things always find a way of getting better. People adapt, and you will too! 

Cheers


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## forumman83 (Aug 12, 2012)

Would you ever consider taking her back?


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Well, Not ME! 
Im completely freaking broke, and cant afford all that. I guess I made sh!tty decisions in life and chose to work for a company that sixteen years later became a "career trap". 
I wish my picture was brighter. I hope someday to be able to include "groceries" in my budget.


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

forumman83 said:


> Would you ever consider taking her back?


I've thought about that a lot. It's only natural. The idea of it in fantasy only would be nice. But only in fantasy. The reality is...trust has been broken, and much like your favorite TV show that's had the cast re-placed with new actors, it will never be what it was ever again.

So, if in the unlikely scenario she came back and said "lets try again"...I'd simply say, "Sorry, but I'm not interested in walking down that road again."


Shooboo:

Give it time. It's not going to be the same story for everyone. Some things linger. I know people that 3 years after they divorced are still hurt and angry, and not "where they want to be"...everything in due time. Sometimes the hand your dealt sucks, play it well, or bluff. That's the way to do it until you can get what you want.

Cheers


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

So glad your living life man. Congratulations.

Ride the waves, when you feel sad, that's ok too.

Sounds like you have your crap together and your wife realizes what she missed out on.

I was just posting about how I gave up important pieces of myself in the interests of my wife. I don't ever want to do that again. I mean if skydiving is something you enjoy, a big part of your life, why would someone you love want you to give it up?

I can't help but think the selfish people that would let you do that are the same type of a$$hats that do the majority of cheating.


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