# Hotel name? Who cares!



## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

So I went on a business trip for 2 days. My husband took me to airport and we are always texting each other.

Should I be angry because he didn’t ask the hotel name? He says who cares? We are talking all the time, it’s not like I have to call you there cus we have cell phns.

Ive been distant since I came back and he’s asking what’s the matter? Also no sex initiative on either side but he asked to facetime after my meeting with coworkers at night while I was at the hotel.

If he was the one gone, I would’ve known the hotel name from day one.

Thoughts?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Bianca Stella said:


> Thoughts?


Why make drama, just for the sake of it?

My wife was recently away for 4 days at a work conference. Yet I have no idea which hotel she was in (which wasn't a secret), nor did I care since I wasn't meeting her there so it didn't matter.

If I was your husband, I would tell you to grow up and get over yourself.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

some people must just want/desire/need drama. 

Thoughts: You don't want to hear mine.

I hope for his sake he never leaves the toilet seat up !!!!!!!!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Well, I kind of get your point. What if you go missing and your husband can't even tell the police which hotel you were staying in. That said, it is the responsibility of the traveling partner to leave an itinerary for the one left behind. Simple courtesy.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> Well, I kind of get your point. What if you go missing and your husband can't even tell the police which hotel you were staying in. That said, it is the responsibility of the traveling partner to leave an itinerary for the one left behind. Simple courtesy.


I agree. Write everything out and hand it to him.... tell him "in case you need to know".

Unless there's something else going on i can't imagine getting upset over this.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If it were me traveling, I'd leave a complete compendium of where it was that I'd be staying! i.e., hotel name, address, room number, et.al.

I'd also expect if from my better half!

But in thinking back, it was rare that my RSXW ever told me where she was staying on either her domestic and international trips ~ which probably greatly aided in facilitating her "thigh-spreading" activities on those junkets!

Her explanation was that I could just reach her on her cell phone, which she would rarely ever answer ~ as emails seemed to be far more convenient for her!

Suffice it to say that I was just an overtrusting lout and had better things to do!

But perhaps, as my dear friend @Andy1001 later intones, I would have been far better off had I been earlier checking RSXW's panties for those semen stains myself!*


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I didn't even know this is a thing anymore. I get it back in the day of land lines. You needed to know the hotel and the last name or room number of a person to reach them. But these days you can call your spouse on their cell phone at anytime, and they can call you. Honestly my only "requirement" of a traveling partner is that they let me know what day they are leaving and what day they are coming back, If they leave for a few days and don't communicate at all that could be concerning depending on the person, but other than that I'm good.

*Added later: * Oh, I forgot to mention I also like to see a "I landed/arrived safely call or text, just for piece of mind that they are okay, not out of suspicion."


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Will you hit him again if he doesn’t have flowers on your return?
> Like you did before.
> Will you be checking his underwear for semen stains?
> Like you did before.
> ...


Thank You Andy......I love it when that happens ..........


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I travel for work a lot and i am in so many different hotels, my wife never asks any more, but she knows that if she needs to get a hold of me she call, if she needs to face time with me she can. Its called trust.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

I don’t know the back story, but that sure sounds like some game playing / drama making.

You know what I do? I TELL him where I am staying. I don’t try to set some sort of trap, some sort of mind game so that I can get upset over nothing. 

Why try to cause conflict!?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are looking for drama again.

He probably did not even think of it since he can reach you by phone any time.

When i travel, I email all the info for flights, hotel, etc to by husband/SO to make sure that he has the info if something happens to me. I doubt he even opens the email. But I feel better knowing that if it's needed, he has the info. 

What I don't do is setup a senario where I can find something to beat him up emotionally about. You know, like not giving him the info so I can then get pissed that he did not guess the one silly thing that would set him up.

As I recall, the last time you traveled, you were angry because he did not present you with flowers when you returned home... as though that's even normal for a guy to do when his wife returns from a business trip.

You seem to like to create drama, which means you are looking for reasons to be pissed off at your husband. Look at yourself to figure out why you have a need to be pissed at him. Are you trying to push him away from you?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> *Added later: * Oh, I forgot to mention I also like to see a "I landed/arrived safely call or text, just for piece of mind that they are okay, not out of suspicion."


The in my seat and the door about is about to close text is important too, especially if flights change in which case include flight number.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm probably projecting here but one of the things my ex used to do thanks to his conflict avoidant passive aggressive nature is not tell me things then get mad that I didn't ask.

Except that he never communicated that he wanted me to ask about certain things... so I'd ultimately fail the **** test of whether I cared about him. 

I assumed that he'd realize I was his wife and wanted to know things about him. 

This strikes me as the same kind of **** test where he has to prove he cares by knowing you want him to ask.

These tests never work out well.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Bianca Stella said:


> So I went on a business trip for 2 days. My husband took me to airport and we are always texting each other.
> 
> Should I be angry because he didn’t ask the hotel name? He says who cares? We are talking all the time, it’s not like I have to call you there cus we have cell phns.
> 
> ...


Pfffft. My DH just went to Korea and I didn't even know what city he was in, let alone what hotel. 

You're making a mountain out of a molehill. He asked to communicate with you and you want to punish him for not being YOUR level of 'caring?'

Do that long enough and he'll get tired of having to jump through hoops to 'prove' himself, and give up.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> At this stage I’d say her husband would be happy if she never came home. Imagine the peace and happiness he has when this passive aggressive drama queen isn’t home.


Ha. I feel this peace and happiness when I go home new house with my two boys.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I make sure my SO has that information, one way or another. It's called curtesy. She does the same. Imagine of someone didn't come home from a trip. Where do you start looking? I suppose the credit card trail might help but no guarantees if a purse/wallet is stolen.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> Ha. I feel this peace and happiness when I go home new house with my two boys.


That sounds good. I spent years traveling non stop and then lived alone for years after that,I never knew what it was like to come home to someone waiting for me.Now I love the thought of it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Andy1001 said:


> At this stage I’d say her husband would be happy if she never came home. Imagine the peace and happiness he has when this passive aggressive drama queen isn’t home.


While the OP is seems to come up with all sorts of reasons to be anger at her husband, he's no saint and clearly at least as much of a problem as she is. It usually takes two to create these sorts of troubled marriages.


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## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > Andy1001 said:
> ...


Andy... You have made me feel incredibly good with your comments! Thank you for being such a team player. God bless your beautiful energy and spirit! You exude positivity. I want to learn more why you post so much on TAM. Must be interesting 🙂


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Bianca Stella said:


> Andy... You have made me feel incredibly good with your comments! Thank you for being such a team player. God bless your beautiful energy and spirit! You exude positivity. I want to learn more why you post so much on TAM. Must be interesting 🙂


I don’t post that much but when a person of your undoubtably pristine morality deigns to give us lesser mortals the benefit of your super duper life I can’t help but be impressed.
How’s the underwear sniffing going and have you improved your punching power yet.
How’s your movie star boyfriend,any movement there or is he too busy polishing his Oscars to carry on the beautiful touching love affair with you.
People like you make me sick.You come here with evermore ridiculous stories and you haven’t either the intelligence to recognize them for what they are or the fortitude to tell your husband what you are up to with your online paramour.
As for exuding positivity,you are exuding something too but it ain’t positive and it certainly isn’t beautiful.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Bianca are there other things he is doing to make you think he doesn't care of that he is disinterested in you?


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## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> Bianca Stella said:
> 
> 
> > Andy... You have made me feel incredibly good with your comments! Thank you for being such a team player. God bless your beautiful energy and spirit! You exude positivity. I want to learn more why you post so much on TAM. Must be interesting 🙂
> ...


You HAVE GOT to be single. It’s laughable how low you get. Did a woman like me cheat on you? I read projection all over your posts. Let it go. Be vibrant, be happy, think of light!
Peace!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Bianca Stella said:


> You HAVE GOT to be single. It’s laughable how low you get. Did a woman like me cheat on you? I read projection all over your posts. Let it go. Be vibrant, be happy, think of light!
> Peace!


Actually after a long engagement I got married in October.Nobody ever cheated on me and I wouldn’t put up with a woman “like you” for an instant.
You have an inflated sense of your own worth.
What are you really? An insecure,paranoid,delusional,cheat.
Some prize!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Bianca Stella said:


> You HAVE GOT to be single. It’s laughable how low you get. Did a woman like me cheat on you? I read projection all over your posts. Let it go. Be vibrant, be happy, think of light!
> Peace!


Bianca, you come here for advice. Many of us have been here for years, some of us decades, and we know what we see. And what we see is you being unable to be satisfied. And that's a problem - for YOU. We're here trying to help you. If you can't take the time to listen to what we're saying, then I worry that you will be perennially unhappy. And, probably, single, yourself.

And I'll ask you to take a step back and look at YOUR patterns. Not his, yours. You've started, what, 10, 15 threads now in the last 2 months about your insecurities. You see a therapist twice a week for those insecurities. You've worked at home for 8 years so you don't understand the real working world, so you - in your very real low self esteem - assume that your husband, who in your mind doesn't deserve you (that's where the low self esteem comes in), is living the high life out there, kissing every woman he sees, fantasizing about others, ignoring you, dissing you, wanting someone else...all because YOU don't love yourself. 

But it's not reality. It's all in your head. Because YOU are sheltered. You need to find a way to start working a job in the real world, where you have real coworkers, friends, learn better how to navigate situations, find ways to like yourself a little more. 

See, the thing is, men want strong women who love themselves and know their worth. Who stand their ground but don't play games like you've been playing. If you show strength, he'll move heaven and earth to keep you. But if you keep showing weakness, fear, jealousy, and you keep testing him - I promise you, he'll get tired of it, he'll figure there's no way to please you, and he didn't sign up to keep placating your insecurities, and he'll give up and bow out.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Bianca Stella said:


> So I went on a business trip for 2 days. My husband took me to airport and we are always texting each other.
> 
> Should I be angry because he didn’t ask the hotel name? He says who cares? We are talking all the time, it’s not like I have to call you there cus we have cell phns.
> 
> ...


I cannot see why you are making a fuss about this. If you both have mobile phones then it is a non issue imo. I often do not know which hotel my H Is in as I can contact him on his mobile.

I think in general, guys are pragmatic about these things, if the hotel name is not relevant to communication, then it would not be an issue


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

I must have missed something. Does she think her H is cheating?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Some of these posts are downright ugly.


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## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

Blondilocks said:


> Some of these posts are downright ugly.


I know right? Feel extremely attacked and even more vulnerable than before. Seems like being sensitive is not allowed on this site.
I wanted to vent, not to get hurt by all this venom.


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

So your husband didn't ask what hotel you're staying in?

I guess he trusts you...


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## cmrsmr (Dec 14, 2018)

Sounds like you look for ways to get mad at him. Flip the coin, maybe he’s wondering why you didn’t tell him the name of the hotel. Why is it up to him to ask the name? Did you not tell him in order to test him? You either have trust issues or look to get attention any way possible.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Bianca Stella said:


> I know right? Feel extremely attacked and even more vulnerable than before. Seems like being sensitive is not allowed on this site.
> I wanted to vent, not to get hurt by all this venom.


Bianca, are you willing to look at your own actions? I don't see much of that. And every question you make is about your insecurities. What, exactly, are you doing in therapy to work on your self esteem? That's where you real solution lies.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Bianca Stella said:


> I know right? Feel extremely attacked and even more vulnerable than before. Seems like being sensitive is not allowed on this site.
> I wanted to vent, not to get hurt by all this venom.


Being sensitive is one thing, being easily offended and making one's own trouble is quite another. 

No, you should not be upset with your husband about not asking for your hotel information. It is your personal responsibility to give him that information in the first place without him having to ask you for it. What you have described is called looking for trouble.

I don't know about what is going on with your husband or your marriage, but based only on your posts in this thread, it is obvious that you place yourself in the victim chair and have unreasonable expectations. If you want your husband to have certain information, then you cannot expect him to read your mind. When you have an expectation and do not share it with the person you are expecting it from you have no one but yourself to blame when your expectations are not met.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bianca Stella said:


> So I went on a business trip for 2 days. My husband took me to airport and we are always texting each other.
> 
> Should I be angry because he didn’t ask the hotel name? He says who cares? We are talking all the time, it’s not like I have to call you there cus we have cell phns.
> 
> ...


Its not something that would bother my husband, not sure why its such an issue that he didnt ask. After all, as he says you have cell phones.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *If it were me traveling, I'd leave a complete compendium of where it was that I'd be staying! i.e., hotel name, address, room number, et.al.
> 
> I'd also expect if from my better half!
> 
> ...


I like that word, compendium.......may I use it?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I travel for business a lot. I usually leave my wife a sheet of paper with my flights, hotel and business contact in case she is unable to reach me by phone and needs to track me down. I sometimes travel to some places where there could be a real risk, or where cell phones don't work so it seems like a good idea. 

For not risky travel, I might not bother - but its just sort of a habit.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My husband and I both traveled for decades and neither ever left without giving the other our itinerary. It's not that difficult.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As an addendum, I would want my spouse to know my out of town whereabouts, if for no other reason than them knowing where I was going to be, more especially in the event that if something occurred on the home front, that they could more expeditiously get ahold of me!

In effect, I would definitely want them to know how to easily reach me!*


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I’ve traveled several times for work and so has my husband and I don’t think either of us has ever asked the name of the hotel. We have cell phones to be able to get ahold of each other. On the off occasions my husband has gone to Vegas without me, I’ve asked where he and the boys are staying – but only because I love the hotels in Vegas and am curious which one he gets to enjoy. When I went to Vegas with my girlfriends, I had a choice of Park MGM, NY NY and Luxor with the comps that we have. I told him which one I chose because it’s the renovated Monte Carlo and had just opened back up, no other reason. That’s the only time we’ve ever discussed what hotels we’re staying in. Any other time it just doesn’t come up.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Bianca Stella said:


> So I went on a business trip for 2 days. My husband took me to airport and we are always texting each other.
> 
> Should I be angry because he didn’t ask the hotel name? He says who cares? We are talking all the time, it’s not like I have to call you there cus we have cell phns.
> 
> ...


I travel all the time and my wife never asks about the hotel since we have mobile phones. Not a big deal.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Does OP need some attention from DH? This sounds like a fishing expedition on her part. Not really caring about the hotel stay. Just trying to get a rise out of hubby for some couple, attention getting drama. You even mentioned your sex life is pretty non-existant....

Maybe infidelity isn't whats wrong here. Maybe you need some therapy and a whole bunch of date nights to "wake" you two up and appreciate and love one another....


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Bianca Stella said:


> So I went on a business trip for 2 days. My husband took me to airport and we are always texting each other.
> 
> Should I be angry because he didn’t ask the hotel name? He says who cares? We are talking all the time, it’s not like I have to call you there cus we have cell phns.
> 
> ...


My wife travels fairly frequently for work. Sometimes I know where she is staying and her flight details sometimes I don't. Your husbands comment regarding having cell phones is pretty much why. If I need to talk to her about something I just call her cell. 

I efinitely do not think this is something your should be upset about. Do you travel often?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

My wife wants to know the dates of my travel and flight numbers. Not exactly what hotel I am staying at. She knows I have my cell phone (but put it on silent when in a meeting). I usually call after the meetings are over each day.

Come to think of it, she might just want the flight numbers so she can claim the life insurance sooner if the plane goes down.


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