# Going through a long separation



## Nuon (Jul 30, 2020)

Hi,

I already have a thread in the infidelity topic, but I wanted to make something about going through a long separation, and how best to deal with things day-to-day.

I can't leave until the beginning of next year, but I have mentally, emotionally, and physically separated from my wife. I really want to leave right now, but if I do, I risk being unable to see the kids very often, because my spouse visa runs out in January. I live in Japan, and will be eligible for a permanent residency once my visa has ended, but if I move out, it's not very likely I will get the residency. My work will not sponsor visa's either.

I hate being locked into this situation, because I feel like my wife has the keys. 

Everyday is a slog right now. All I can think about is what she did to me, and how I want to leave. Every time I even walk towards the house, it makes my stomach sink. I know I could try doing some activities to take my mind off things, but I have no motivation to really do anything right now. Online therapy is just not really a financial option for me right now either.

Any ideas of how to make the next 5 or so months easier?


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## Nuon (Jul 30, 2020)

Few other points - I don't have anyone I could stay with temporarily, and most accommodation rentals are at least 1 year. Also, a hotel would not be financially viable.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

make up a project plan on your laptop and write in there everything you need to do to get really for january, in other words focus on what you need to get done now and what you need to have in place after january.....also spend as much time with your kids and less with her, learn how to co-parent now.....keep conversations with her to the kids or bills....place a elastic band on your wrist, when ever she goes down a path that will lead to conversations you don't want to deal with snap the elastic. learn to mediate


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## Nuon (Jul 30, 2020)

Lostinthought61 said:


> make up a project plan on your laptop and write in there everything you need to do to get really for january, in other words focus on what you need to get done now and what you need to have in place after january.....also spend as much time with your kids and less with her, learn how to co-parent now.....keep conversations with her to the kids or bills....place a elastic band on your wrist, when ever she goes down a path that will lead to conversations you don't want to deal with snap the elastic. learn to mediate


Thanks, this is helpful! I did write out a list of things I need to get before and after moving. I think there's a lot more I can write out through. You're right about the kids. I have been hiding away in the spare room for the past month, but I really need to spend more time with the kids. I also really need a strong elastic band.


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