# Why does it look like im the one who is wrong?



## kprtyqn (Oct 9, 2008)

We have been together 3 years and just made our 1 yr anniversary. More and more i have become sensitive to issues due to a husband that cares more about others, his habits, his ego and pride than me. Sure maybe im a little needy at times but does that make it wrong that i can give love so strong and unconditional to the Mr Right and he can treat me as he pleases and get away with what ever he wants too?

Tell me if i am wrong in this! Ever since the day we got together he was able to hide things and not tell me until it broke out so bad between us, and still he could not admit it was wrong. Me?! I was honest up front as much as possible BEFORE things would happen and still i was treated like the untrustworthy person. His x whom he has stated he hates (which really when you have had a family with that person for 23yrs i really dont think there is hate at all) seems to receive more respect than I get. And i have to ask for everything and even if the request is decent and respectful im treated harshly and given the ignorant treatment!

It feels like hell sometimes having realized that he will make so much excuses for everything he does and if i try to do that i receive the hateful silent treatment for days. I have become the "Mimic" after all this time, being able to imitate all that he does and how he hates being treated like that. Now I am the person told to be uncaring! 

I dont know how much more of this i can take of being with someone who uses the word love as a convenience.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It is easy to fall into mundane life and treat your partner differently than you would others. You are with them so much that their bad habits get to you. They crawl under your skin and you can't just walk away like you can with friendships to give them space. You need to better communicate with a partner than anyone else.

I would suggest counciling as a way to learn to communicate better with each other before your marriage breaks down from this.

draconis


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## kprtyqn (Oct 9, 2008)

counseling i found out doesnt do it all for everyone. But to each his own. we have been there and done that but like always anyone can listen to someone else but doesnt mean it will be applied. For us, habits already ingrained cannot be altered or compromised and that is what keeps us apart. More so for him than for me. He will change for everyone else but not for me no matter what the consequences that will follow. In reality love does not conquer all.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Without counciling than I would suggest learning 1000 ways to communicate with him and finding one that works. Read the book the five love languages and watch the movie fire proof together.

draconis


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## Ladyinblue (Sep 18, 2008)

I sent you a private message


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## kprtyqn (Oct 9, 2008)

Hubby had that book, language of love, you think since he went thru all that stuff including AA and Anger Mgmt he would have realized what he needed to change better. Tho i do recognize he does try sometimes but he is more like a walking ADHD robot alot, unless your the "military" mind, nothing works really. He cant speak any other language really
We've one the marriage encounter, tried dialogueing, i tried the anger mgmt thing but never finished due to some changes, tried books to see if he can understand how to understand me as it really isnt hard for me to understand him. Dont work really. If its not in a military talk thing, the "interest" and the memory is short term


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Why did you come here?

draconis


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## kprtyqn (Oct 9, 2008)

I come to see what others have gone thru, sometimes people may have already tried the "everything there is out there". Humans are always learning everything they can and some of us can actually apply it. Then there are others that see everything try to apply it and it may work. Then there are those who only know how to do the "quick fix" hoping it will do something
A question like that could actually discourage people from trying things.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

kprtyqn said:


> I come to see what others have gone thru, sometimes people may have already tried the "everything there is out there". Humans are always learning everything they can and some of us can actually apply it. Then there are others that see everything try to apply it and it may work. Then there are those who only know how to do the "quick fix" hoping it will do something
> A question like that could actually discourage people from trying things.


Because defeatist have already defeated themselves, why should I use my time and effort to help unless they are really looking to fix things.

On the other hand some people could just get made enough to "prove me wrong."

The problem with marriage isn't if you have tried it. It is when you have tried it, and how many times you have given it a whirl. The more times and the more types you try the more likely you will succeed and be able to build on it.

My advice, try it all over again. Go with him to AA and anger management. Try talking to him again.

draconis


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