# Need a lot of advice



## JohnDoe (Feb 28, 2012)

This is probably going to be a long posting, so please bear with me...

I'd like to start off by giving a little background information...

My parents were married for 23 years before separating and finally divorcing back in 1997 when I was around 14. As far as health goes, I have no problems mentally although I'm overweight. I had a very controlling father which caused me to be an indecisive adult.

My wife on the other hand suffered physical and emotional issues from her father, things like slamming her head into a bed post or just being verbally abusive. Her father cheated on her mother often as she grew up and there were instances where her mother would wait for him to come home and chase him with butchers knives. My wife was diagnosed as bi-polar and has been taking medication most of the time, however, recently she's stopped. I also met my wife in Feb. 2006, 5 months after she was trapped in an office building for a few weeks in New Orleans, LA following Hurricane Katrina. She also had a previous marriage that lasted roughly six months (of time together) and had produced my step son, who was born with a small mental handicap.

I had asked my wife (then girlfriend) to marry me in January of 2007 and she said yes, from January-August I repeatedly wanted to get married and she always would put it off. Finally I had relatives tell me that she never intended to marry me but wanted to just lead me on, which I didn't believe but it was always in the back of my mind. Finally, I think she gave in just to shut me and everyone up. We were married in August 2007.

From the Beginning of our relationship, I would often love to grab or slap her butt (something that I've always done) and she wouldn't like it. Rather than telling me to stop, she would punch me, hard, leaving huge purple bruises. Usually I would see this as a sign that I should run, but I was in love with her.

Everything seemed to be going okay for a little while until we moved to a new apartment and she got a really good job. Suddenly, with her making more than I did, She seemed to get a big head which, I really didn't care about. Money is money and I was doing the best that I could. She ended up becoming friends with a 35 year old recently divorced woman that would invite her to go out to clubs. I asked that my wife check in with me while she was out that she, being a married woman and mother, shouldn't be out past midnight. She took that as my trying to "control" her and to spite me, stayed out until 4am. This almost caused our divorce the first time. The second time after we made up and agreed to boundaries, her friend then proceeded to try to get her to KEEP staying out late saying that I "wouldn't care."

I love my wife, I wish that things could be different or better, I had known her for maybe 2 months and when her car would break down, I would tell her to just take mine as long as she could have it back for when I had to go to work. When her car finally died and she was crying wondering what she was going to do (because she was alone, away from family, and a single mother) I borrowed $4,000 from my mother and bought her another car, This was only knowing her for 3-4 months. I've known her now for 6-7 years and have bought her 7 cars, 1 with under 40k miles and one smack brand new.

Anyways, in 2007 the economy fell apart and we, as a family, moved to Louisiana to work, we ended up getting into a huge fight and I ended up moving back home. About a month later, we made up and I asked her to come home. She agreed but said it would be a few days, Long story short, She agreed to work it out and come home on July 7th 2007, she got there on July 10th, on July 11th I found a text message from her to another guy dated July 9th that was a nude picture. That lead to the biggest fight of our relationship, She then decided to go stay with that same guy at a hotel! then she moved into a homeless shelter before we made up.

So, we made up, we both found jobs and moved into an apartment. Within 3 months of that happening we had a mega snowstorm and we both lost our jobs again. This time, we took our tax return and moved to Texas chasing work. Long story short, we got to Texas and looked for work but they took too long to call back for jobs and re ran out of money and ended up in a homeless shelter, After that, her father called and promised us help with our bills and a place to stay if we moved back to Louisiana. Well, we moved back to LA and didn't hear a peep from him for almost 2 months, He even ignored our phone calls.

So we ended up living with her mom in LA and we both ended up working at Walmart. Her older brother and her mom would tear into her non-stop, many times causing her to cry and sob non-stop. Finally, and I'm not proud of this, I grabbed her up and said I'd rather be homeless than live in their house and we packed up our stuff and moved to San Antonio, TX because they said they had room at their shelter. We got there, they said sorry, we have no room, so we thought we made the biggest mistake of our life, scared, tired, and losing our minds, we call and call and call and everyone is full because of a hurricane that hit the southern tip of Texas, we call El Paso, Austin, Houston, Brownsville, Corpus Christie, everywhere, and all were full until we called Dallas and a shelter there said to come on. Long story short, we ended up in a homeless shelter in Houston, TX and were there for 4 months. Finally, my wife managed to find work and a very good job and we were finally on our feet. I had a very hard time finding work because I'm really unskilled. My wife made an agreement with me that if I went to school, I wouldn't have to work, I just needed to keep the house clean and take care of our son. No problem.

About 8 months ago, the economy fell hard on my mother, she moved to Texas and is living with us, my wife and her seem to get along okay, However, at the same time, my wife's brother was accused of being a user and a bum by his brother (he lived with his mom in Louisiana) and I suggested he move with us.

This was the beginning of the end. For starters, they stuck together like glue the first month or two that he was here, we ended up moving into a new house and while we were doing work she would continue to ask him to do the work I should have been doing. They would often talk about me behind my back, One time, my mother walked in on one of their conversations about me and it wasn't flattering.

One day not too long ago, My mother told me that she wished she had a sugar mama like I did, It pissed me off and I replied that if she was my sugar mama then she'd have to be hers too.

My wifes brother was eaves dropping on our conversation and ran to my wife telling her that I said she was my sugar mama. Rather than talk to me about it, she walked around the house being an ******* for 2-3 days without telling anyone what was wrong with her. finally, she comes to me and asks me if I think she's my sugar mama, I told her that she should know better than that and that I wouldn't answer that messed up question. We got into a huge fight where she started packing my stuff and trying to throw me out. When I refused, her and her brother took off in her car and I went to the bank and pulled out my money. I spent a week in Dallas and ignored her for that trip.

We made it past that battle, now we're at a point where she works non-stop (she actually does 7 on 7 off shifts.) She spends NO time with me or her son. None. She'll work 12 hours, sleep 10 hours the entire time she's working. Then on her 7 days off, she'll sleep the first 2 days, then either mess with her hair (she's black) or watch netflix on her laptop the entire time she's off.

It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm a live in maid and babysitter, so finally, I don't even feel like I'm married anymore. She never cleans, she never cooks, but she does make messes when she's off and walks away from them. Finally, I got to the point where I don't clean or do anything anymore. I figured what's the point ? She does nothing but work, I do nothing but school, About 3-4 days ago she decided she wanted a divorce because I was a user that sits around and does nothing while she pays the bills. She claimed that I wasn't living up to our agreement of my being a housekeeper while she works, while at the same time spouting that I needed to get a job (which didn't keep up with the agreement) Make no mistakes about it. I've worked for most of my life, Not working sucks, but She told me to stay home and go to school !

We're in a habit now where we fight and use abusive language towards one another, which isn't healthy but we both do it and she's using that against me.

She also decided to stop taking her meds lately for being bi-polar and is experimenting with essential oils, I'm not sure that's going to work !

We've had up's and down's, more down's lately, and I love her a lot, but is it worth keeping ? We've been through so much together, We've lived in 3 states together, been on top and in a homeless shelter. I just don't know anymore. I want to keep my relationship with her, however, I also feel like maybe I should just give her the divorce.

The only major issue is that we've done this before and within a month, had made up. I live a LONG way away from my family and if/when we split. The only option I have is to leave Texas and move back to Florida where I have family, once I'm there, it's done. I won't be able to come back. I also have my mother to consider in this issue because she has no one else in the world and want's to be around us.

It's a messed up situation, Any advice ?


----------



## JohnDoe (Feb 28, 2012)

Nothing ?


----------



## MickeyD (Feb 19, 2012)

JohnDoe said:


> She also decided to stop taking her meds lately for being bi-polar and is experimenting with essential oils, I'm not sure that's going to work !


That's a recipe for disaster. Not taking prescribed medication and/or self-medication is a 'big no no' for people with bipolar disorder. Expect things to get worse as a result.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think you two need more help than you can get from untrained professionals in an Internet forum.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Try to find free counseling through the shelters or churches. I'm afraid that so much damage has been done to the relationship; it will be next to impossible to have a happy ending. Sometimes it's about finding oneself and moving on.


----------

