# No Contact Rules of Engagment



## InOverMyHeart (Apr 1, 2013)

Need help with this one. What are the rules of engagement for NC? You can read my story on 'we want to reconcile, he has a live in girlfriend'.

Thanks for the input!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

No contact = NO contact.

Not sure what you are confused about?


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## InOverMyHeart (Apr 1, 2013)

Meaning: Do I not initiate contact? Do I respond when he does? Do I agree to meet? Do I not?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Tell him you think it's best to not be in contact as things are too complicated right now.

Then NO more contact. No initiating contact, no replies, nothing, until he sorts things out with the woman living in his house and can turn his attention to repairing your marriage, if that happens. 

Didn't you have NC after you told him you wanted a divorce and left?


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## InOverMyHeart (Apr 1, 2013)

Yes, but I was angry then. So it was easy. I didn't care to want to repair my marriage then, so it was easy.


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

InOverMyHeart said:


> Yes, but I was angry then. So it was easy. I didn't care to want to repair my marriage then, so it was easy.


I never got around to asking...why did you change your mind about the divorce anyway?

Also, did he attempt to contact you during that period? Did you reply if he did?

Im just trying to put myself in his shoes to guess where he is coming from.


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## InOverMyHeart (Apr 1, 2013)

Confused, time apart did me some good. We have been together for 8 years and after I calmed down I realized I loved him dearly. But I had some work to do of my own. When I looked inside, I had no choice but to ask for forgiveness and hope for the best. I was very mean to him and very terrible to him. I took him for granted. I also realized that advice coming from family & friends was bad and very selfish on their part. 

He called me once, but then because every message and vm from me spoke of divorce and that's not what he wanted, he stopped listening and reading my text messages. He basically figured I was done, but because he stop listening and reading he did not figure out I wasn't until I wrote the letters. It took him a week to open them cause he thought they were divorce papers. 

We separated in Oct, I wrote the letters about 3 weeks ago and we actually spoke face to face last Sunday for the first time in months. I asked him why he didnt call about his mom, he said he was being stubborn. I told him I heard news but no one called me and I didnt really know what was going on. I left him a message in Dec letting him know I was there for him, but he didn't hear that one either. 

When we split it wasn't civil, it was heated and neither of us thought we would get back together. In all honesty, I dated too, he knows this. This reconciliation was unexpected for us both. We both prayed for the other and both our hearts were softened at the same time. Matter of fact, I texted him 2 weeks ago that I didn't want a divorce and my first text from him said he would always love me and he knew I loved him. He hadn't even read my message I sent less than 5 minutes before. We both wanted it, we both had decisions to make, but his were/are a little more in your face you know. 

This is very touchy, and he is very bruised. I fear NC would make it worse. But I gotta do something, this man loves me and I know it!


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