# Is his depression a symptom of our marriage?



## hopefadingfast (Nov 28, 2009)

Forgive me for this may get long.

I am 31 and have been married to my husband, age 36, for 10 1/2 years. We have 2 kids (a daughter, age 13, from my previous relationship and a son together age 10). Like all marriages, we have had our ups and downs but never like this. It has definitely been the worst year of my life. I lost my job in January and am still unemployed. My Dad, who I was extremely close to passed away in July and now my Grandmother is living out her last few days. To make matters worse my H says he is unhappy. He has been increasingly distant the last few months. Yesterday he actually told me he thinks he's depressed.

I feel I should give you a little background on my H. He is a wonderful man who has suffered a lot of loss in his life. His Dad, who raised him, passed away when he was 19 and his Mom passed away when he was 28. He was so close to my Dad that when he passed it was like losing his Dad all over again.

Now he tells me that he loves me but he feels it's the love of friendship not what you should feel for your wife. I don't understand this concept. I asked him if it was the same type of love he felt for a female friend that we have known forever and his reply was I don't feel anything for her, she's just a friend. I then said so am I just your friend and he said no, you're so much more than that. I don't understand any of this. I asked him to go to counseling and he won't. He has never really been that affectionate but it has been 2+ months since we last made love. Our love life has been spurty throughout our entire relationship but never anything like this. I am positive he is not cheating on me.

I just don't know what to do. He dosen't want to talk about it until after the holidays, which makes me think the worse. I love him so much and the sad truth is I don't know how to be without him.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

hopefadingfast said:


> Forgive me for this may get long.
> 
> I am 31 and have been married to my husband, age 36, for 10 1/2 years. We have 2 kids (a daughter, age 13, from my previous relationship and a son together age 10). Like all marriages, we have had our ups and downs but never like this. It has definitely been the worst year of my life. I lost my job in January and am still unemployed. My Dad, who I was extremely close to passed away in July and now my Grandmother is living out her last few days. To make matters worse my H says he is unhappy. He has been increasingly distant the last few months. Yesterday he actually told me he thinks he's depressed.
> 
> ...


If he really is depressed, then its not your fault and neither is it an indication of anything.

You can be depressed if you've got the perfect life, perfect relationship, perfect job etc etc. 

Believe me I've been there in the past !!!


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## hopefadingfast (Nov 28, 2009)

Thanks for your response. I just don't know what is causing his depression. I guess I'm just scared he doesn't want to do the work necessary to fix whatever is broken. And if our marriage is the cause of it than I wouldn't want him to be miserable. I'd have to let him go. I printed out some information on depression and I'm going to ask him to look it over. I can't throw away 12 years of being together without a fight!


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## letitgo (Nov 3, 2009)

Depression doesnt need to be caused by anything. It can just happen. Be patient when dealing with some one who suffers from depression, it can be a long and painfull thing to come out of that dark depressed world.


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## Raemay38 (Dec 12, 2009)

Regardless of his depression he admittted to not being in love which is a major comment. I would worry! myself what to expect after the holidays. I'm so sorry! he had to drop this bomb of a comment on you before holidays now your going to be pre-occupied with what is he going to tell you after the holidays. Be prepared for the worst. If he said he didnt love you like a husband should thats a major Red flag women.
Why worry1 about his depression he seems to be hiding somethign and if I were you I wouldnt wait until after the holidays this would eat at me every day you have to make him tell you now.


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