# Husband sends wife spreadsheet detailing seven weeks of excuses for refusing sex



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

A wife consents to sex only 3 times in 7 weeks, and the husband puts all her excuses into a spreadsheet and sends it to her (actually, some members on TAM would consider that a lot of sex!). Rather amusing, although the wife was not amused. She took it publicly to Reddit to vent, and other sites picked it up. 

The comments there are interesting, as you get a slightly different perspective of this issue than you do at TAM.

The actual spreadsheet can be seen here: http://i.imgur.com/cSCdYL3.jpg

"I feel gross" and "I've eaten too much" seem to top the list of reasons. 

Also discussed here:
Husband sends wife spreadsheet to detail denied sex? - CNET

Pouty Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Detailing Sex-Life Dissatisfaction

My husband [M26] sent me [F26] an immature, inflammatory email as I was driving to the airport for a 10-day work trip. Now he has cut contact. : relationships


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I don't totally agree with the context in which it was delivered, but it is very useful to record data when you have a denier LD spouse. When you're confronted with "it's not that often" then you can show them something like this.

Interesting that this woman isn't ashamed to admit that she's shot her husband down 24 of the last 27 attempts. Not a good sign for him.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Yuck. Such a passive aggressive move.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

kag123 said:


> Yuck. Such a passive aggressive move.


Or a dude at the end of his rope who can't get through any other way.

The most interesting part is the "went dark" on her. She may come home to him and his stuff gone.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Or a dude at the end of his rope who can't get through any other way.
> 
> 
> 
> The most interesting part is the "went dark" on her. She may come home to him and his stuff gone.



I think she's talking about the wife and her made up excuses.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

We have no other insight into whatever else is going on in the marriage.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Good for him. 26 years old and already facing a lifetime of excuses.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

And that changed what, precisely?


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

*Re: Re: Husband sends wife spreadsheet detailing seven weeks of excuses for refusing*



larry.gray said:


> Or a dude at the end of his rope who can't get through any other way.
> 
> The most interesting part is the "went dark" on her. She may come home to him and his stuff gone.


I dont have a problem with the spreadsheet, really. But sending it to her in an email? Why couldn't he have used this as an impetus for a face to face discussion. And then he went dark...just yuck.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I read about this on another site, too. I think he'd probably talked to her about the problem and finally needed to prove his contentions, which she no doubt was denying and dismissing as is common with LDs. Given her "response", I think he should have divorce papers ready to give her when she returns from her trip.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> I read about this on another site, too. I think he'd probably talked to her about the problem and finally needed to prove his contentions, which she no doubt was denying and dismissing as is common with LDs. Given her "response", I think he should have divorce papers ready to give her when she returns from her trip.


But we don't know if he's actually talked to her before that spreadsheet. We don't know what kinds of other problems exist in the marriage.

We just don't know.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> But we don't know if he's actually talked to her before that spreadsheet. We don't know what kinds of other problems exist in the marriage.
> 
> We just don't know.


Exactly, and I said as much, but the tone of their exchange sounds like a long-standing issue that has no satisfactory resolution. Sometimes shock tactics are the only way to shift a stalemate.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Aside from what we do or do not know about their marriage, sometimes people need to see it on paper. My H is one of those people. They don't realize how much they do things until it's literally spelled out for them. 

Did anyone happen to scroll down and read the comments? I always do this. There aren't that many but this one stood out:



> AvaJohn 5 hours ago
> I gotta go with the wife on this one. This documentation is sick behavior and clearly a prelude to divorce proceedings. *This married guy is getting sex every 15-17 days! He should be jumping for joy! *I know guys like this who catalog these perceived slights and bring them out at opportune times in order to gain the upper hand in unrelated arguments. It's sick, twisted behavior and constitutes psychological abuse. She needs to get out before it turns into physical abuse.



The bolded part freaked me out. She also got a few likes for her comment. Seriously? Sex every 15-17 days would put me in a pretty pi$$y mood...and I'm a woman.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> Exactly, and I said as much, but the tone of their exchange sounds like a long-standing issue that has no satisfactory resolution. Sometimes shock tactics are the only way to shift a stalemate.


I agree that sometimes shock works. I'm not sure that sending his wife a spreadsheet while she's driving is an affective way to do this. 

Also we can speculate till the cows come home.

For all we know she's been telling him for months that there are serous problems with the marriage. Maybe she told him that he needs to stop getting drunk every night. Maybe she's the only one supporting the family, she does everything for their 18 children, shops, cooks all the meals, cleans the house, mows the yard, and fixes their vehicles while he plays on the computer all day. So she's genuinely tired/exhausted. Maybe she has good reason for not feel like having sex with a grown man who behaves like a bratty 14 year old and then who demands sex nightly when she's rightly exhausted and not feeling much love for him due to his actions.

And then after all that he sends her that spread sheet because he's an entitled 14 year old.

See how that works. We can make up all kinds of scenarios that could argue the case for either one of them.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I agree Staarz. Some people need to see things in black and white. My husband is the same way. 

I'm sure this was going on a long time before he actually started documenting it. I think she should be embarrassed.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

staarz21 said:


> Aside from what we do or do not know about their marriage, sometimes people need to see it on paper. My H is one of those people. They don't realize how much they do things until it's literally spelled out for them.
> 
> Did anyone happen to scroll down and read the comments? I always do this. There aren't that many but this one stood out:
> 
> ...


From what I can tell, that person who replied does not know the woman (or man pretending to be a woman) who posted the spreadsheet. So they are making crap up too.

People are good at doing that on the internet.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

It's sounds like a prelude to a dumping to me. Some might say yuk, turn off or whatever but I doubt he's trying to turn her on or get sex from her anymore. He sounds long past done and this spreadsheet is him throwing in the towel. He's not necessarily trying to accomplish or fix anything.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I read her comments about cooking and cleaning for him, makes me wonder if things were balanced at home. Clearly they both work, so there's no reason he shouldn't be pulling his own weight. Few things will turn a woman off quicker then coming home from work to a guy that doesn't pull his weight at home demanding sex. I too wonder if this was addressed directly, because sending her an email while on her way to the airport is a pretty cowardly passive aggressive move. Show it to her to her face and have it out, because barring other circumstances it's a legitimate grievance. Using "Friends" as an excuse is pretty weak though, that show sucked.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Her response is really interesting - she is angry not concerned and she didn't ask for guidance just vented. I wonder if he knows she posted this. Maybe his is an accountant or data cruncher.

I think its a parting shot so he doesn't care if his timing is off because she is going on a trip. If I were her, I'd have someone go to the house to make sure he's not taking all her stuff.

Some of the responses are outrageous. They blame him for being upset in the first place.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

OK... I quoted her two most detailed posts below. This problem of not much sex has gone on for 7 weeks. Up to that time it's been 2-5 times a week.

Recently she's wanted sex in the morning which he does not want.

He's wanted it at night when she's tired.

It seems that he does little to nothing to help at home.

She says that this is the first she's heard that he's got a problem.




> It's not normal. For the most part of our relationship, we averaged 3-5 times a week I'd say? Including a non-recipricated blowjob thrown in here and there.
> 
> A few months ago I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. I looked horrible naked and none of my clothes fit nicely, I had a muffin top. I've been trying to eat better and go to the gym ever since.
> 
> My weekday routine has been shower, go to work, get off at 4pm, go home and cook dinner, go to the gym, watch some TV, sleep. He's never up to have sex in the morning, and I never want to have sex after being all sweaty and gross from the gym.





> He's totally guility of bottling up his emotions and then they come out in one fell swoop. Once or twice a year I'll come home and he'll just start in on me. But it's always been real issues, discussed (for the most part) maturely. Not this spiteful, childish stuff.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Her response is really interesting - she is angry not concerned and she didn't ask for guidance just vented. I wonder if he knows she posted this. Maybe his is an accountant or data cruncher.
> 
> I think its a parting shot so he doesn't care if his timing is off because she is going on a trip. If I were her, I'd have someone go to the house to make sure he's not taking all her stuff.
> 
> Some of the responses are outrageous. They blame him for being upset in the first place.


According to her the low sex has been for only 7 weeks. Up until that time it's been 3-5 times a week. He has a history of not talking to her about problems. Then after some time he just blows up.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I don't know, Life. I was assuming that she was re-writing history. She is trying to get sympathy.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> I don't know, Life. I was assuming that she was re-writing history. She is trying to get sympathy.


Why make that assumption? That kind of thing never happens? Why assume that she's simply a frigid shrew denying sex to a good husband? Maybe she is and maybe she isn't, but why assume?

And even if he's a total victim here a mature person doesn't send something like this via email when she's leaving; a mature person looks her in the face and says "i'm not going to live in a sexless marriage so i'm leaving".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Purple Cat (Dec 6, 2012)

I have to admit to doing something like this. But I did not send it to my wife and she did not post it online. 

My wife is LD and I am HD. Last year, we had a discussion turned argument about our lack of sex life. She thought that we had sex more often than I did so I started recording when we had sex or when I was turned down on a calendar on my work computer. 

About 6 months after I started recording, we had only had sex 5 times with me trying to initiate 1-2 times per week. I tried to have another discussion and when I told her it was only 5 times and could name the dates she was shocked and kind of mad that I was keeping score. I told her that I was only doing it because I wanted to document what was actually happening. 
One thing I noticed is that I started initiating less and less as the rejections started adding up. 

Unlike the wife in the article, she could not claim that she does all of the house work or works more. One thing I often do for her is give her back rubs when she is tired without the expectation of it progressing. Our talk did not help the situation out and not much has changed since then but it was useful for me to see it all written down. I was also able to point out that she would probably not ask for back rubs anymore if I turned her down 45 out of 50 times. 

So I don’t agree with how the husband in the article handled the discussion but I can relate to him.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Her response is really interesting - she is angry not concerned and she didn't ask for guidance just vented. I wonder if he knows she posted this. Maybe his is an accountant or data cruncher.


If he is any of those, he knows exactly how to find it if he thought she might.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> According to her the low sex has been for only 7 weeks. Up until that time it's been 3-5 times a week. He has a history of not talking to her about problems. Then after some time he just blows up.


Oh that's different. I didn't see that. He sounds like a real prize. Maybe she will luck out and he will leave. I doubt if he going to get sex 3-5 times a week when she gets back. He needs IC and they both need to do MC. I wonder why she married a man like that in the first place. She seems to have a lot going for her.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

She had also posted this though before she deleted everything:



> Our sex life HAS tapered in the last few months, but isn't that allowed?


So it hasn't been just 7 weeks (Unless she considered 7 weeks a few months...that's barely 2 months). 

I don't think that people all of a sudden decide to make a spreadsheet. I don't know anything about their marriage...but it's less likely that he just all of a sudden (7 weeks ago) decided to START recording excuses. It would seem that he had been denied a lot before coming up with the idea of recording excuses (which he came up with 7 weeks ago)

Does that make sense? I think I am confusing myself 


For example:

H denied excessively for 5 months (maybe even talked to her about it)

Comes up with idea to write down excuses after 5 months

Records for 7 weeks (so that's 7 weeks on top of the 5 months before)

Gives results


But then again, there are stranger people in the world that may just start recording excuses at the first sign of one...you never know! Definitely makes me wish I knew the whole story! Gah my curiosity!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Or he started the spreadsheet when the sex slowed down for those 7 weeks. If he was recoding before this period, there would have been no reason to excluded the additional data. You notice that he does not record anything but yes for the days that they do have sex. So it not unreasonable to assume that silence means he is having sex and spreadsheet means he is not.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Interesting how nearly everyone automatically jumps up to take sides. Why do either of them have to be right or wrong here? 

And keep in mind you are hearing her side, not his. Speaking of that, two things she said stuck out at me:



EleGirl said:


> OA few months ago I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. I looked horrible naked and none of my clothes fit nicely, I had a muffin top. I've been trying to eat better and go to the gym ever since.


This seems to be a common theme on TAM. Women don't want sex because of their body image. They hate their body, so they refuse sex, so the husband gets resentful, so they fight. A lot of women don't understand that men like a little body fat and even a "muffin top" can be sexy.



> _He's never up to have sex in the morning, and I never want to have sex after being all sweaty and gross from the gym._


She can't just take a shower after the gym??


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

....3 times in 7 weeks seems ...to me ...like a whirlwind of sexual activity.

.....of course ...that's because .. right now ...I'm in the midst of a 1 time in 7 months marathon of nothingness.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Theseus said:


> Interesting how nearly everyone automatically jumps up to take sides. Why do either of them have to be right or wrong here?


I think to a degree people are taking sides based on gender and / or their own marital struggles. I strongly agree with Ele that we don't know the whole story. 



Theseus said:


> And keep in mind you are hearing her side, not his.


Other than the spreadsheet itself and the comments he put in. 



Theseus said:


> Speaking of that, two things she said stuck out at me:
> 
> This seems to be a common theme on TAM. Women don't want sex because of their body image. They hate their body, so they refuse sex, so the husband gets resentful, so they fight. A lot of women don't understand that men like a little body fat and even a "muffin top" can be sexy.


That was a big deal with my wife at one point. She looked in the mirror post kid and didn't like what she saw. Since she didn't like it, she didn't accept me not caring about the changes.




> He's never up to have sex in the morning,


This really stands out to me.

I can see this one of two ways: She's lying or not.

Why would I presume that's a lie? Because what man who's starving for sex turns it down because of the time of the day? Really? 10 days plus and he's turning it down? Call me skeptical.

But she may not be. And in that case he really is a passive aggressive twit.



> and I never want to have sex after being all sweaty and gross from the gym.





Theseus said:


> She can't just take a shower after the gym??


I noted the comment that was there three times - takes shower the next day. Oh, and this is yet another area where a dude has a different view. Sweaty and sitting in it for 8 hours can be rank. But fresh from a sweaty workout? Most dudes response is going to be "bring it on baby!"


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Hurtin_Still said:


> ....3 times in 7 weeks seems ...to me ...like a whirlwind of sexual activity.
> 
> .....of course ...that's because .. right now ...I'm in the midst of a 1 time in 7 months marathon of nothingness.


Let me put this succinctly: 

GET THE F OUT!

There is simply no way I'm going to take it. I was ready to pull the plug on my marriage. It was a few years of slightly more than this dude. Enough to keep me in for quite a while. Even at that level I was ready to be done.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Theseus said:


> Interesting how nearly everyone automatically jumps up to take sides. Why do either of them have to be right or wrong here?
> 
> And keep in mind you are hearing her side, not his. Speaking of that, two things she said stuck out at me:
> 
> ...


And there are men who hate it when the woman has put on any weight at all. Not all men like “muffin top”. 



Theseus said:


> She can't just take a shower after the gym??


Why is his choice of when to have sex the only allowable time to have sex? Why doesn’t he have sex with her in the morning when she wants it? What you are suggesting is that it’s ok for him to turn her down when she wants sex. But if she turns him down when he wants sex she is wrong. Why is that? Why is his timing more important than hers?

You missed my point. Until I posted the little bit we can find of her side of things, most posters were attacking her without even knowing anything about what was going on besides the spreadsheet.

There are two sides to all stores. Her word is as good as his. Like I said, there is more to the story. They are obviously having marital problems. Instead of talking to her about he sends her an angry spread sheet. How does that help the marriage?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> And there are men who hate it when the woman has put on any weight at all. Not all men like “muffin top”.


Apparently her husband doesn't mind. 



> _Why is his choice of when to have sex the only allowable time to have sex? Why doesn’t he have sex with her in the morning when she wants it? What you are suggesting is that it’s ok for him to turn her down when she wants sex. But if she turns him down when he wants sex she is wrong. Why is that? Why is his timing more important than hers?_


Whoa!! Slow down, sister! I never said anything like that. I'm not taking sides here. I just think the "I'm sweaty and gross" excuse is silly, since she can just shower. It's even more hard to believe if it doesn't even bother her to sleep that way all night.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I thought it was men who like sex in the AM because their testosterone levels are higher. I've never known a person to go to bed with dried sweat and BO after a workout. 

As far as body image? It's clear by what men say they prefer - perfect bodies but they'll have sex with an average woman who is available. In fact, there seems to be a common theme on TAM - D men are advised to get women younger and hotter than their wives to boost their ego and spite their wives. 

If you really what to be fair - men are aware of their wives insecurities in this area or why would they play into it when it suits them. They deny it exist when it effects their sex lives adversely. Her concerns about body image are understandable. Also, its not a woman problem it's a man and woman problem. No amount of double talk will make it go away.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> But we don't know if he's actually talked to her before that spreadsheet. We don't know what kinds of other problems exist in the marriage.
> 
> We just don't know.


it SOUNDS like he talked to her 27 times this month, and she blew him off. I mean, a friends re-fun? She could have recorded it.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Where's his email? Did she actually share it anywhere? (other than the spreadsheet.)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

murphy5 said:


> it SOUNDS like he talked to her 27 times this month, and she blew him off. I mean, a friends re-fun? She could have recorded it.


Neither of them are here to ask about this. She says that she has wanted sex in the morning and he's turned her down. She just does not have a spreadsheet to prove her point.

We don't know much but that does not keep people from picking sides and deciding that really happened. That's my point.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> If you really what to be fair - men are aware of their wives insecurities in this area or why would they play into it when it suits them. They deny it exist when it effects their sex lives adversely.


Not all men do this. You shouldn't lump us all together.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Runs like Dog said:


> And that changed what, precisely?



I have a home file server full of excuses. Eventually they all merge into "I am not in the mood - I have too many things on my head" which is code word for "who gives a darn"... Or various non polite adjectives directed towards me...

As I said, more time for planning.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I think what he did was fantastic! Theer are many people who will try to deny everything until they see the proof.

Granted we don't know what, if anything else is going on in the marriage but we don't really need to as all he did was present her with the bare facts.

The truth often hurts...instead of being reticent the wife has gone on teh attack which is something alot of people do when confronted with the facts and feel they are in a corner.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> A lot of women don't understand that men like a little body fat and even a "muffin top" can be sexy.


Which is why there's countless threads here on TAM about being a breast or ass man, and pictures to define how much a woman can weight to be considered "petite" "athletic" or "fat." Where there's posts that imply a woman gaining weight is abandoning her marriage vows. 

Sorry, I call BS - if all you men love this stuff, where are all the "muffin top" lovers in the "why can't my wife just look more like Scarlett Johanson" threads?


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

starting january 1st of this year, i have used an app to track my wife's menstrual cycle and our sex life. she always over estimated how often we had sex and also frequently thought the last time we did it was more recent than it actually was. now that she knows i track things, her bull**** has gone out the window. 

our frequency has gone up. i don't track her excuses because she says yes more often and when she says no, it is because she is not in the mood and that is typically due to hormones. i recommend this to any husband struggling to have the sex life they want.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

What is 'muffin top'?


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

jorgegene said:


> What is 'muffin top'?


Where the obliques and tummy hang over pants/shorts/skirts when worn.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

I at one time tracked my sex life. I simply marked the day with an x when I got some, (xx if I got it twice, only happened once) left the spot empty if nothing. I did not track her excuses, or if I tried and was rejected. But I wanted to know if I was nuts to complain or not, make sure I remembered correctly. So I get completely why he did the list. Actually think he did well to give it to her, at least it was better than throwing it away without discussion like I did.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> Which is why there's countless threads here on TAM about being a breast or ass man, and pictures to define how much a woman can weight to be considered "petite" "athletic" or "fat." Where there's posts that imply a woman gaining weight is abandoning her marriage vows.


I have seen posts that imply both men and women abandon their marriage vows by giving up on their appearance and gaining weight, but we are talking cases of true obesity, not simply a "muffin top". The difference is that it isn't bothering the husband in this case. 

Since you are so jaded, I highly recommend you read this thread, a classic example of a woman who was ruining her marriage because of her bad body image. 



> _Sorry, I call BS - if all you men love this stuff, where are all the "muffin top" lovers in the "why can't my wife just look more like Scarlett Johanson" threads?_


I just did a search, and I can't find such a thread. I think 99% of men are happy as long as their wives are not at an unhealthy weight.


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## mpgunner (Jul 15, 2014)

Hoosier said:


> I at one time tracked my sex life. I simply marked the day with an x when I got some, (xx if I got it twice, only happened once) left the spot empty if nothing. I did not track her excuses, or if I tried and was rejected. But I wanted to know if I was nuts to complain or not, make sure I remembered correctly. So I get completely why he did the list. Actually think he did well to give it to her, at least it was better than throwing it away without discussion like I did.


As a guy I think we do "keep track" way more than a women. If I bring up the topic we are not on the same page. Yet, I've changed to subtly keep track of if she O's more than once. I'm really happy if she does because that means I'm pretty sure I'm VERY happy. The last 10ish years (out of 30+) I've had no need to keep track as we are meeting up once a day. If we miss a day we talk about it (she usually brings it up) and make sure we meet up that day (or night).

But, regarding spreadsheet's, if we go down that path why not run apps on both phones that tracks sex, cleaning, cooking, shopping, putting gas in the car, picking up the kids, neck rubs, noticing hair, ...

You see where I'm going and I don't think it is good to go there. My wife is a HS biology teacher and has some crazy busy times. I simply try to help out in every way I can. She notices


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Theseus said:


> A wife consents to sex only 3 times in 7 weeks, and the husband puts all her excuses into a spreadsheet and sends it to her (actually, some members on TAM would consider that a lot of sex!). Rather amusing, although the wife was not amused. She took it publicly to Reddit to vent, and other sites picked it up.
> 
> The comments there are interesting, as you get a slightly different perspective of this issue than you do at TAM.
> 
> ...


WOW. Looking at this spreadsheet, it looks like a hard defined once every two weeks policy in place. Many of the sexless would be incredibly happy to have this.

He should have detailed the behavior for a good 6 months. It's a great idea, and with some video clips would be very useful to get someone to see that they are making excuses.


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## mpgunner (Jul 15, 2014)

treyvion said:


> WOW. Looking at this spreadsheet, it looks like a hard defined once every two weeks policy in place. Many of the sexless would be incredibly happy to have this.
> 
> He should have detailed the behavior for a good 6 months. It's a great idea, and with some video clips would be very useful to get someone to see that they are making excuses.


We have found the Google Glass Killer App!!!:rofl:


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

mpgunner said:


> We have found the Google Glass Killer App!!!:rofl:


She may have had an app to tell her when to allow penetration. The app may have also had a randomized excuse.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

treyvion said:


> She may have had an app to tell her when to allow penetration. The app may have also had a randomized excuse.



People, this app has a future!!! LD's world wide will depend on the app. We can even offer in-app purchases of specific excuse packs (related to religion, ethnicity, age...)


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> The difference is that it isn't bothering the husband in this case.


Okay, but saying that it doesn't bother this particular man is a completely different statement from saying than "A lot of women don't understand that *men* like a little body fat and even a "muffin top" can be sexy.

*Men* in the original quote implying the average man or most men, or men as a collective. And responses on TAM tell me otherwise. And sorry not all of the appearance threads, particularly the ones with pics have "true obesity" as the tipping point in which men label a woman "fat." 

Now maybe that's all blunder. Maybe all of these "I'd only date a perfect 10" macho red-pill Alpha males posting all over TAM are totally full of it, and their reality and what they want their reality to be perceived as are two totally different things. Maybe their standards are lower than they put on. 



> I just did a search, and I can't find such a thread. I think 99% of men are happy as long as their wives are not at an unhealthy weight.


That was an hyperbolic example. I can't actually find the thread I was talking about with the pics - it might have been removed at this point.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

There was a thread recently asking male posters what body type they like. It was a woman who started the thread.


----------



## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

Here's the thread in question:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/206650-these-do-you-prefer-woman.html


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

There is a thread buried here somewhere, where a guy did exactly this.

He got the "We have plenty of sex ...", or "it's not nearly as bad as you make it out to be ..." script and then he showed his wife the spreadsheet, of all of the times he was rejected.

She still didn't believe him.

Unfortunate that the media chose to label him as 'pouty' husband, but then they wouldn't be the media if they weren't giving the pot a stir.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Deejo said:


> There is a thread buried here somewhere, where a guy did exactly this.
> 
> He got the "We have plenty of sex ...", or "it's not nearly as bad as you make it out to be ..." script and then he showed his wife the spreadsheet, of all of the times he was rejected.
> 
> ...


The media should've given the pot a stir by pointing out that perhaps this male is not all alone, that it might be an epidemic.


----------



## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Or a dude at the end of his rope who can't get through any other way.
> 
> The most interesting part is the "went dark" on her. She may come home to him and his stuff gone.


And then she'll come to TAM and post that her husband left her and she doesn't know why...


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

sidney2718 said:


> And then she'll come to TAM and post that her husband left her and she doesn't know why...


Of course she will blame him.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I wish that throwwwwaway29 would come here and post.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

treyvion said:


> Of course she will blame him.


Is there no possibility that she might have some legitimate reasons for anything? Or are women just always the evil partner?


----------



## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> Okay, but saying that it doesn't bother this particular man is a completely different statement from saying than "A lot of women don't understand that *men* like a little body fat and even a "muffin top" can be sexy.
> 
> *Men* in the original quote implying the average man or most men, or men as a collective. And responses on TAM tell me otherwise. And sorry not all of the appearance threads, particularly the ones with pics have "true obesity" as the tipping point in which men label a woman "fat."
> 
> ...


Of course TAM members are perfectly representative of all men.

:slap:


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Theseus said:


> Not all men do this. You shouldn't lump us all together.


I'm sorry. Do you really mean we shouldn't lump men together? Can we include women in that too? It could not have escaped you that there is a good bit of women lumping on TAM. Some of it is crushing and makes me feel really demoralized at times. Could you say a word or two about that when you see it. 

Thanks.


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> I'm sorry. Do you really mean we shouldn't lump men together? Can we include women in that too? It could not have escaped you that there is a good bit of women lumping on TAM.


Sure. But you are changing the subject. 



> _Some of it is crushing and makes me feel really demoralized at times._


Now you know how I feel sometimes too. 



> _ Could you say a word or two about that when you see it._


Well, I'm certainly not going to say "don't lump us women together" since I'm not a woman.

People make generalizations about everything, I'm sure I've done it plenty of times. But you seem particularly angry at men. It's probably justified in your case, but just keep in mind that we are not the enemy here. 

BTW, at different times I've been accused of being biased toward both men and women on this site, so I must be doing something right.


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> Now maybe that's all blunder. Maybe all of these "I'd only date a perfect 10" macho red-pill Alpha males posting all over TAM are totally full of it,


OK, maybe you've read very different threads than I have, but in all the time I have been on TAM, I have never seen a single man who claimed he would only date women with perfect bodies. Not one.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Theseus said:


> Sure. But you are changing the subject.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I am angry at men who lump women together and assume that all women are evil. In addition, men who ignore the very obvious cultural impediments to good relationships between men and women anger me as well. I made mistakes in my marriage as many have done. I was ignorant but not evil. My intent or lack thereof, did not lessen my husbands unhappiness. But I am glad that did not make me the devil incarnate or I would not have had a chance to get on the right road. 

It's not possible that a problems so pervasive and complex have there roots in the deranged psychology of one gender. We are a matched pair. If there is a problem with one of us there is an equal problem with the other. Blaming one gender keeps us separate. 

Looking at the root cause no matter how much it stings us men and woman is the only way, in my mind. Nobody wants to move towards the other in reconciliation. The head side of the coin is battling the tail side and the tail side battling the head and round and round we go....


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Some are ignorant, some are evil, and most are a varying degree of both. Same for men...

You won't find very many "pure" ones...


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

The sad part is that if some dildo at work told her she looked pretty, and acted interested in whatever she had to say, she'd be the one spreading on the sheets.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

It occurs to me to say that I am talking about relationships in a global sense. Not blaming the husband of a woman who shut down because she was made to feel sexual shame in her life. She is not evil, she is human. 


That does not absolve her from having treated her husband like he committed a crime when he should be honored as a hero. That's what I mean about taking equal measure from each person. You can't undo the past so there is no solution there. Perhaps removing the remnants of the archaic beliefs about female sexuality will help in the future.

Don't call her evil but at the same time, she cannot be evil in her dealings with her good husband. That's not the same as the "just do it" stuff. That ignores the woman shame while asking her to be generous and loving. 

Some generosity and loving would help her. Acknowledge her pain and the unfairness of it but at the same time, ask her a difficult question. "lady you wanted to be treated like you had feelings so why are you treating the man who committed to you and does not shame you, as if he has no feelings" You cant get what you can't give. You are right Theseus, you and men like you are not the enemy. 

I thought of the above and it was like a light bulb came on in my life. It was that simple.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I did something like this with my ex, although without the unnecessary public drama. For me, despite the lame excuses I was having a hard time letting go of my sexless marriage because I was convinced my wife cared about me somewhere in there.

Bringing the hard data to her and listening to her completely trivialize one of my core emotional needs was what I needed to finally get out and realize she really didn't care.

Maybe he is doing the same thing, hard to tell.

They both sound very passive aggressive to me.


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

Acorn said:


> I did something like this with my ex, although without the unnecessary public drama. For me, despite the lame excuses I was having a hard time letting go of my sexless marriage because I was convinced my wife cared about me somewhere in there.
> 
> Bringing the hard data to her and listening to her completely trivialize one of my core emotional needs was what I needed to finally get out and realize she really didn't care.
> 
> ...


Great observation. I also did a private version of this, with codes on paper. The main reason was my wife was very passive aggressive and told me I was lying about lack of frequency. Passive aggressives freak out when called out on their behavior. I am not saying that's what's going on here, but this woman's reaction was telling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Is there no possibility that she might have some legitimate reasons for anything? Or are women just always the evil partner?


Of course there are legitimate reasons. I just can't think of any. Punishing a husband for bad behavior by withholding sex is about as nice as the husband not talking to the wife for weeks because of bad behavior.

And no, the wife is not always the evil partner. I'd say it is about 50-50.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I don't get this whole conversation at all.

It's clear to me that neither one can have a straightforward conversation like "wife, I'm not getting enough sex" and "husband, you ask me for sex too much" and work out the details.

I don't get where any of you are going with the whole "men are evil/women are evil" thing.

I've tracked how much we have sex and how much my initiations work and fail. God knows I'd never rub that in her face, and it wasn't for that reason. It was to get direct empirical evidence for what her monthly cycles do to our sex life, and how my behaviour impacts her willingness.

Big things I learned:
- be aware of her cycle (romance it up the week before her period, s!ut it up the week after)
- don't ask for sex, just say "get naked" or start taking her clothes off. Asking for sex isn't sexy. She'll say no if she doesn't want it.
- always be cool with a no and have a plan b (don't get pissy). When I got a no on the first night hand was cool with it because we could do something else fun, the next night was virtually guaranteed.

My initiation/success rate tripled in 3 months. Based upon empirical data. Nothing wrong with that.

Providing your wife scientific evidence of how much he sucks at getting laid and how much she doesn't want him? Via email? Not good. That guy's never gonna get laid.

I read this story and I see the story of two sad people that can't communicate, are not getting laid, and are just... lame and alone. Both of them.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

marduk said:


> I don't get this whole conversation at all.
> 
> It's clear to me that neither one can have a straightforward conversation like "wife, I'm not getting enough sex" and "husband, you ask me for sex too much" and work out the details.
> 
> ...


I'm glad you brought that up, because it's similar to the point one of the articles in the links brought up, which I think is an excellent point. 

He very carefully tracked all the no's and why, but he marked nothing for the yeses. Maybe he'd be better served to focus more on the "why" for the days she said yes.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

norajane said:


> I'm glad you brought that up, because it's similar to the point one of the articles in the links brought up, which I think is an excellent point.
> 
> He very carefully tracked all the no's and why, but he marked nothing for the yeses. Maybe he'd be better served to focus more on the "why" for the days she said yes.


For me, it was to make it more objective and allow me to use my natural empirical mindset to tune my behaviour to seek my objective. 

It had nothing to do with whether I thought her reasons for saying no were valid, or she was just being a *****. That wasn't part of the equation.

It was simply an experiment in cause and effect. Lame initiations, mistimed initiations, or few initiations led to fewer sex.

Confident initiations, well timed initiations, and more initiations led to more sex.

In retrospect, when I had finished my 3 or so month trial, it just seemed obvious what I had to do to sex up my wife more.


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## Faeleaf (Jul 22, 2014)

If delivered in a caring, respectful way, in an honest attempt to address a problem and open a dialogue that also considers the other person's side of things...then this kind of information can be great. 

If it's used as a "gotcha," by one partner to shame the other or win an argument, and delivered in a hurtful or self-righteous way, then it's destructive. 

Don't burn the bridge you need to cross. Would you really want your spouse to start keeping records of all the things you do in an attempt to humiliate you? How would such a thing ever help you?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

the Chelsea Lately show had this on tv tonight. They were making fun of the woman's excuses.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> the Chelsea Lately show had this on tv tonight. They were making fun of the woman's excuses.



I should sell my wife's excuse list to Lifetime Movie Network. 

Or maybe Comedy Central...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sidney2718 said:


> Of course there are legitimate reasons. I just can't think of any. Punishing a husband for bad behavior by withholding sex is about as nice as the husband not talking to the wife for weeks because of bad behavior.
> 
> And no, the wife is not always the evil partner. I'd say it is about 50-50.


When a person does not want to have sex with their spouse, it 's not always way to punish. Not everything thing in life is about the husband. (in this case). Sometimes a woman might just have a very real issue be it her health, serious depression, real exhaustion (health again)

To start with the assumption that the wife is evil and punishing is to assume that she's not human and has no needs of her own.. that only his needs count.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

While it's not something I would personally do I know their is some merit to showing someone first hand what they are doing. Saying to your spouse " you always have an excuse to not have sex" can easily be dismissed as an exaggeration. Showing them this is hard to argue with. I would certainly try the talk to them about it first before the spreadsheet thing though


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

marduk said:


> I don't get this whole conversation at all.
> 
> It's clear to me that neither one can have a straightforward conversation like "wife, I'm not getting enough sex" and "husband, you ask me for sex too much" and work out the details.
> 
> ...



Your entire post assumes he's still trying to get laid. I don't think that's the case. I think he's done with her.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> To start with the assumption that the wife is evil and punishing is to assume that she's not human and has no needs of her own.. that only his needs count.



A good mix of evil and clueless is hard to beat... 

Clueless about her needs, and evil about his needs!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Your entire post assumes he's still trying to get laid. I don't think that's the case. I think he's done with her.


Maybe.

Or maybe he's been caught in the trap that a lot of us have been caught in... 

HD partner: we haven't had sex in X days weeks/months/years

LD partner: but we just did it not that long ago.

One thing I learned when my wife is not attracted to me, she remembers us always as "just having had sex last week" when it might have been last month.

When she's attracted to me it's more like "God, it's been a week, when are we going to do it?" When it's been 2 days.

There's been some sort of study on this, but we remember what we want to remember, especially when it comes to frequency of sex. Maybe he was in a very stupid way trying to clue her in on this.

I see a frustrated guy trying to reason his wife into having more sex with him... and I just haven't witnessed too many women having their panties reasoned off. So bad strategy poorly executed and yielding a likely divorce as a consequence (of both their actions, her posting this was off limits too).


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

He probably figures he has nothing to lose at this point, so why not? If this desperate gambit doesn't pay off, at least he made her see.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

john117 said:


> A good mix of evil and clueless is hard to beat...
> 
> Clueless about her needs, and evil about his needs!


Oh... She DOES have a need. She has a need to know that she denies him and has control.

That's better than sex for her.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

He wants to end a marriage because he had sex two days in 7 weeks? This is after having sex 3 times a week before that period of time? They would both be lucky if he left. They can find more compatible partners.I have to say they both are making big mistakes. Maybe the loss of the marriage will make them grow up and act like responsible adults and not volatile children.


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## cantholdback (Jul 24, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Neither of them are here to ask about this. *She says that she has wanted sex in the morning and he's turned her down.* She just does not have a spreadsheet to prove her point.


She didn't say that. What she said was very ambiguous.

In fact, I'm going to guess she was being more literal than people may realize. 

She said, "He isn't up for sex in the morning". 

I can see how that statement can be taken as him not wanting sex in the morning. Or it may mean he doesn't initiate sex in the morning. You preached about none of us knowing whats going on in the relationship but you seemed to make some assumptions yourself. You took it a giant step further and said that she wanted sex and he turned her down in the mornings. That may be the case but it isn't what she said and honestly seems pretty far fetched. 

I'm actually going to throw out another very plausible theory that I think is the most likely. That he isn't awake (up) for sex in the morning. She gets off work at 4pm. Maybe he gets off work at 5pm and therefore goes to work an hour later than her. Maybe they have never even talked about sex in the morning and he just is asleep when she gets ready for work.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

cantholdback said:


> She didn't say that. What she said was very ambiguous.


I would imagine this is exactly why the husband would be so frustrated.

I'm willing to buy that there might be a reason she is not interested in sex, but the actual excuses given and the defensive way she phrases things are very ambiguous and weak and do not indicate a willingness to help resolve the issue. 

And let's face it, a guy getting sex 3 times a week is not going to decide to start up a spreadsheet, so this has been going on A LOT longer than 7 weeks. I highly doubt that spreadsheet was as "out of the blue" as the wife would have us believe.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

workingonme and marduk are both right in some aspect.

I think by publishing this and or revealing it to his wife, he's sort of admitting he's done with her. 

On the flip side my wife struggles with timing/math/empathy/honesty as well.

My favorite was in MC months ago. "my husband drinks daily." My wife drinks probably once a month, meaning 1 drink a month. I drink about 4 beers on mid week night while grilling and may pound about 6 beers on a saturday between yardwork and or dinner with friends. When she told the MC I drink daily, I asked her if she really thought that. She said she thought so. then said she wasnt sure but that "it was a lot". Yep it's a lot... A lot more than she does. But lets slow our role on telling everyone I drink daily. Drinking 2 nights per week is much different than daily.

Same thing with sex. If the spreadsheet husband's wife is as good at math and honesty as my wife is, then I could see where frustration (even if still interested in rekindling with her) could lead the husband to create this sheet.

If your wife had a track record of proclaiming statements like "we just did it last week" when it was really last month, or "you drink daily" when its really 2 times per week, then this dude is just frustrated. Whether he's done with her or not..good question.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Acorn said:


> And let's face it, a guy getting sex 3 times a week is not going to decide to start up a spreadsheet, so this has been going on A LOT longer than 7 weeks. I highly doubt that spreadsheet was as "out of the blue" as the wife would have us believe.


I wondered about this as well. The assertion of sex three times a week might even have been the reason the spread sheet was started.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Acorn said:


> I would imagine this is exactly why the husband would be so frustrated.
> 
> I'm willing to buy that there might be a reason she is not interested in sex, but the actual excuses given and the defensive way she phrases things are very ambiguous and weak and do not indicate a willingness to help resolve the issue.
> 
> And let's face it, a guy getting sex 3 times a week is not going to decide to start up a spreadsheet, so this has been going on A LOT longer than 7 weeks. I highly doubt that spreadsheet was as "out of the blue" as the wife would have us believe.


I betcha it's been going on for years. That's why I wanted him to have gotten 6 months of data before he revealed it.

He hemmed and hawed like the rest of us, begged, groveled and complained, and was rejected very often. He probably tried to do more chores, buy her more flowers, give her more complements, rub her back and feet. 

She was happy denying him the sex. To some people the denial is more powerful than sex itself.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

treyvion said:


> I betcha it's been going on for years. That's why I wanted him to have gotten 6 months of data before he revealed it.
> 
> He hemmed and hawed like the rest of us, begged, groveled and complained, and was rejected very often. He probably tried to do more chores, buy her more flowers, give her more complements, rub her back and feet.
> 
> She was happy denying him the sex. To some people the denial is more powerful than sex itself.


In my experience, it's more of a chore and a series of self-reinforcing guilt/rationalization behaviours.

Meaning it's a drag to be continually bugged for sex by someone that you don't want to have sex with.

Especially if you want to be, but just aren't, that attracted to the other person any more.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

marduk said:


> In my experience, it's more of a chore and a series of self-reinforcing guilt/rationalization behaviours.
> 
> Meaning it's a drag to be continually bugged for sex by someone that you don't want to have sex with.
> 
> Especially if you want to be, but just aren't, that attracted to the other person any more.


If as a man this is the situation, you should be done.

As a woman the same.

However, many men do NOT have to be highly attracted to a woman to have sex with her...


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

I read the reddit thread. She totally hamstered it away. Never once admired there was an intimacy issue.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Was the spread sheet the wrong way to get the message across? It sure got her attention. Whatever he did in the past did not make an impression. She was not paying much heed to his misery and shame, so she caught his anger and indignation instead.

Her decision to go viral with the spread sheet was arguably a far worse violation of the privacy of their marriage. The spread sheet was for her eyes only and she shared with the Internet.

He was certainly trying to punish her by throwing her into emotional turmoil on a business trip. She may mess up her work. Definitely not cool. On the other hand, if she loves him and he is still home when she gets back she may have a chance to launch a hysterical sex bombing campaign.

Maybe some talk show will offer them enough money to go public with their sex life.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

treyvion said:


> If as a man this is the situation, you should be done.
> 
> As a woman the same.
> 
> However, many men do NOT have to be highly attracted to a woman to have sex with her...


Or you could figure out why the other person isn't attracted any more and work on that...


----------



## lessthennone (Jun 19, 2014)

I saw he spreadsheet and feel bad for the guy. I'm not going to read into their relationship, but I've thought of making a spreadsheet myself. 

When I mention to my wife that we have had sex x times in x weeks, and she doesn't believe me, I feel like I need to document it.

Posting this online should embarrass both of them. Despite the ridicule the guy is getting, I wonder if his wife feels any remorse. Assuming the list is honest, it's a pretty bad record with lots of bad(but familiar)excuses.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

marduk said:


> Or you could figure out why the other person isn't attracted any more and work on that...


Bingo.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

marduk said:


> Or you could figure out why the other person isn't attracted any more and work on that...


I don't think it's a checklist item... It's more so general attraction within the types that you attract.

So if you are not as attractive you must not be taking care of yourself, put yourself out there too. Social proofing is huge especially on females.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

john117 said:


> I should sell my wife's excuse list to Lifetime Movie Network.
> 
> Or maybe Comedy Central...


Stay tuned for the premier of "Not Now, House Hunters is on!" The story of a woman's struggle with an overbearing, bike riding, sex fiend. Next on Lifetime.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

BostonBruins32 said:


> Stay tuned for the premier of "Not Now, House Hunters is on!" The story of a woman's struggle with an overbearing, bike riding, sex fiend. Next on Lifetime.


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> But we don't know if he's actually talked to her before that spreadsheet. We don't know what kinds of other problems exist in the marriage.
> 
> We just don't know.


Oh I can't imagine just sending that out of the blue without talking about it even in the very slightest.

I'm sure he has let her know before that he is tired of the excuses, or brings it up after each rejection.

This happened to me in my marriage. Constantly rejected. I didn't just shrug my shoulders and say to myself, "well shucky darn, I gave it my best shot" and walked off. I made it known right then and there after so many rejections.

Now if the rejections weren't so ongoing and never ending, it wouldn't have phased me to look at her and say, "ok honey, maybe another night". But after a while, I started telling her the excuses are starting to bother me and I don't believe that they are real excuses.

Rejections kept coming, so I stopped trying.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

marduk said:


> In my experience, it's more of a chore and a series of self-reinforcing guilt/rationalization behaviours.
> 
> Meaning it's a drag to be continually bugged for sex by someone that you don't want to have sex with.
> 
> Especially if you want to be, but just aren't, that attracted to the other person any more.


Well then I suppose its time to talk divorce then isn't it?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

kag123 said:


> Yuck. Such a passive aggressive move.


Yes, much better than denying a spouse over and over again that wants to have sex with his wife and coming up with new and bunk loaded excuses.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> When a person does not want to have sex with their spouse, it 's not always way to punish. Not everything thing in life is about the husband. (in this case). Sometimes a woman might just have a very real issue be it her health, serious depression, real exhaustion (health again)
> 
> To start with the assumption that the wife is evil and punishing is to assume that she's not human and has no needs of her own.. that only his needs count.


I agree. And in situations like that spouses need to support one another in getting help if there is a health problem. And not just because of the sex, but to be healthy.

But there is someone on the site that had a hard time being sexual with his wife and she made him out to be a monster. Even had him believing it.


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

BostonBruins32 said:


> Stay tuned for the premier of "Not Now, House Hunters is on!" The story of a woman's struggle with an overbearing, bike riding, sex fiend. Next on Lifetime.


I see absolutely NO incompatibility between house hunters and wild sex. Just get her on all fours, face pointing toward the TV screen, get some doggie style action going...it is all good.

Any other show, like True Blood, or Hell on Wheels, the guy would get distracted and be half watching it...so that would never work.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I wonder how long is this business trip?


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

Ten days.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

BostonBruins32 said:


> Stay tuned for the premier of "Not Now, House Hunters is on!" The story of a woman's struggle with an overbearing, bike riding, sex fiend. Next on Lifetime.



Funny that you mentioned House Hunters. We used to have awesome sex after watching House Hunters.

And for good reason. Location aside our house is far better than anything the show ever featured... Which I suppose is a turn on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There is really no proof that this entire thing is real. All we know is that someone posted this on Reddit.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> There is really no proof that this entire thing is real. All we know is that someone posted this on Reddit.


Does it matter? It seems real enough to me, I could have written that spreadsheet during the later stages of my relationship. We should be discussing what it all means, because even if it is fake, there's still something to be learned here.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jetranger said:


> Does it matter? It seems real enough to me, I could have written that spreadsheet during the later stages of my relationship. We should be discussing what it all means, because even if it is fake, there's still something to be learned here.


I could have put together a similar spread sheet too. We have tons of threads here by both men and women stuck in marriages in which their spouse either usually refuses sex or has turned it into a sexless marriage. At least in one of those threads one of the spouses is there to talk to so we can get more info. 

There is nothing new to learn from a spreadsheet that is most likely just an internet hoax when we have plenty of real/live cases right here on TAM.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

john117 said:


> Funny that you mentioned House Hunters. We used to have awesome sex after watching House Hunters.
> 
> And for good reason. Location aside our house is far better than anything the show ever featured... Which I suppose is a turn on.



That's interesting. Never thought a house could be a sex fantasy object.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

Not a bad idea lol
a spreadsheet of excuses.

Ill have a laugh and make one up and in bed ill show her and ask her what excuse would she like to use tonight (like a menu) just to see her face.

I've no risk to do this as we have a sexless marriage anyway at this point so ive nothing to loose.


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## vista2007 (Feb 23, 2008)

She sounds like a fat, sweaty, gross alcoholic. Do you really want to have sex with her?


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I could have put together a similar spread sheet too.


The character on Reddit attempted to garner sympathy for the unkindness of the spreadsheet and defend her refusals. 

If this is a hoax, (And I'm not saying its not) it's much more than just one lie....


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## ifweonly (Feb 27, 2014)

I used to track our sex life by carving notches into the bed post when we had sex. I quit doing that when the bed collapsed from the weak bed post. :smthumbup: Ahhhhhh so much for record keeping!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

ifweonly said:


> I used to track our sex life by carving notches into the bed post when we had sex. I quit doing that when the bed collapsed from the weak bed post. :smthumbup: Ahhhhhh so much for record keeping!


Maybe you could try carving instead of just notches. Here's a goal for you:


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

If my wife gave those excuses and in that frequency I'd throw her out on her a$$, file for divorce and cut contact going forward.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Theseus said:


> A wife consents to sex only 3 times in 7 weeks, and the husband puts all her excuses into a spreadsheet and sends it to her (actually, some members on TAM would consider that a lot of sex!). Rather amusing, although the wife was not amused. She took it publicly to Reddit to vent, and other sites picked it up.
> 
> The comments there are interesting, as you get a slightly different perspective of this issue than you do at TAM.
> 
> ...




hehehe, I love it.:smthumbup:

This sounds like Mrs.CuddleBug for the last 15 years....

But she finally started eating right, has lost a lot of weight (major reason for her LD), new clothes, hairstyles, gettin her teeth straightened, gym clothes and looking at going to a woman's gym.

But the excuses are strikingly similar....


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

After sending that he should make sure not to respond back to any of her texts or messages so when she comes back she literally strips naked before coming in the door.


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