# Love him but want to leave him



## razzle (Jun 2, 2012)

My husband and I have been married 19 yrs . I am from arkansas and he is from Iowa .. I wasnt that crazy about moving to Iowa but hey I love him. been here 20 yrs and had enough ... I am crazy about this man but I want to go back to arkansas so bad . He said he is here to stay in Iowa ... I havent talked to him about this but he does know I hate Iowa .. I have 2 grown children one in ark and one in Arizona and I want to be near one .. I am 62 and feel I need to be with family . as I have no family in Iowa . My hubby doesnt either as his mom passed 2 yrs ago , one brother died and the other in Texas ... and too we have no kids together. I dont like any of his friends as they are all Know it all a high than mighty attitude . I tired it here for 20 yrs and I really want it to work but I am just not happy . Please help .. I am new here to this board so I hope I posted in the right place. Thanks for listening Roz ...


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Discuss moving with your hubby, tell him how unhappy you are, see if he is willing to move once he knows how unhappy you are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## razzle (Jun 2, 2012)

he really knows how unhappy I am , but he is set in his ways ..I do travel alot to both states but he wont come...If I had the money I would buy a winter home in on eof the states and we could live like that.. but thats not right either... he never wants travel anywhere not even to see his brother who is ill.. just dont know how to handle this ...


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Is he depressed?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Are you sure this is about location?

Seems like Arkansas represents a lot of things to you -- friends, acceptance, belonging.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

Marriage is about 2 things:

1. Sacrifice
2. Compromise

It seems you have done all the sacrificing and he has done no compromising nor is willing to

You are now in you 60s... make a choice and tell lay it out for him what he needs to do to compromise or the next sacrifice you will make will be your marriage..in that you will walk away


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## razzle (Jun 2, 2012)

I will thanks , I am going top arizona to see my daughter and will talk with her ...


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## razzle (Jun 2, 2012)

yes arkansas is my home born and raised , Iowa his home born and raised


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## swimmingaggie (Jun 1, 2012)

First of all you shouldn't justify your move because "he doesn't have any family left". Just like Arkansas is your home state, Iowa is his. He loves it for reasons beyond family. And even though you don't like his friends, he likes his friends and he would be leaving them, his memories, his favorite restaurants, etc. 

Is he the same age as you? I bet he's frightened to start over in a new place at the age he is. At 60+ it might be hard for him to make new friends, change his habits, etc.

Ask him to go on a trial run with you. Rent a place for a month or two in Arkansas and see how he likes it. If he decides that Iowa is more important than your marriage, so be it. But have him try it first. When talking to him about it make sure to be understanding and ask him why Iowa is so important to him. Tell him why Arkansas is so important to you. See if you can come to some sort of compromise before giving an ultimatum.

(or try a long distance marriage? My dad and his wife live across the state from each other)


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Don't throw out the baby with the bath water. I agree that it is about sacrifice and compromise, but the marriage should be more important than the location. The compromise should be learning to make it work. How about summers in Ark and winters in IA, or the other way around.

Not sure what your financial situation, but a divorce would cost much more financially and emotionally.


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