# Bad Dreams!?!?!



## nice777guy

Had at least 3 nightmares in the last couple of weeks about my Ex.

In two of them - I knew she was cheating and I was screaming my lungs out at her - trying to reason with her - and she was just TOTALLY ignoring me.

Not too far off how it really went!!! 

In the latest one, I dreamed she was dating some "gang member" - and I was worried about the kids being in danger when this guy was around. Of course - Southern Indiana isn't exactly Compton!!! So again - I could chuckle about it just a bit once I was awake.

Just seemed weird to start having such vivid, emotional dreams at a time when things are overall fairly calm and peaceful.

Anybody else - post divorce - go through anything quite like this?


----------



## Mavash.

I'm not divorced but my parents disowned me (similar feelings).

I've read nightmares like this can be related to depression and things like ptsd. 
You were likely traumatized by your wifes actions and your body is still healing from it. 

Totally normal and it will pass.


----------



## nice777guy

The SCREAMING at people who don't hear me is a fairly common dream when I'm frustrated about something.

I just don't "feel" frustrated with her - at least not now.


----------



## Mavash.

Another thing you'll know you've healed when your 'bad dream' takes a positive twist. I still have bad dreams about my parents but now I have friends surrounding me in my dream and I'm usually somewhere fun when it happens. Right before I tell them to eff off. 

BTW I love to analyze my dreams. Had a nasty one last year that my therapist helped me to interpret. Was shocked at that insight. It was all related to a feeling of powerlessness. I even substituted my mom for a woman I didn't know because it's too hurtful to imagine my own mother being that mean.


----------



## Shooboomafoo

While married, I had several nightmares about the ex turning completely cold and unresponsive while going away with another man. I remember waking up feeling like that was the worst thing ever, and it stuck with me throughout the day. 
Now that I am divorced from her I think I had one dream like that, but it didnt have the same effect,, there simply was nothing to lose.


----------



## Paradise

I've been cheated on twice in my entire life during long term relationships. Both times before I found out the truth I had dreams of them with the exact person they cheated on me with. I can still remember those dreams in vivid detail. I remember the first time laughing about it because it was so ridiculous who she was with in the dream. Needless to say, I paid a bit more attention to the second round when I was married. I'm a pretty analytical and logical person so I don't ever get into trying to interpret my dreams, but I'm starting to pay a bit more attention to them now. 

Never dream of the ex anymore. Matter of fact, I don't think I can remember any dreams I've had in the last year since the divorce has been complete.


----------



## WomanScorned

I am having dreams where my ex and I are still together and happy. I hate these dreams because they FEEL like nightmares, if that makes any sense. When I wake up, I wake with the pounding heart, etc. I wish those dreams would go away. It's been a year since he told me he wanted to divorce. I suppose they end eventually.


----------



## diwali123

I'm three years out and still have bad dreams that I'm
married to him. Makes me appreciate my husband so much more!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sisters359

I personally focus on the emotion of the dream--was I angry, sad, frustrated? When I wake and remember the dream and emotion, I think about whether they are connected in reality--or is my brain using one scenario to work through emotions related to another real-life situation. 

Screaming at your wife and not being heard sounds like a combination of fear and frustration over a situation you feel is threatening and cannot control. Your divorce may have left you feeling like that a lot, and although you are fine in your waking hours, your subconscious is still working through it. I'd bet money that something in the time before you slept triggered a flash (maybe you didn't even notice) of that same feeling, which in turn triggered the dream. The event may have had nothing to do with your marriage--but it's a bit like PTSD in that you will forever identify those emotions with the divorce/ex, no matter what real life event triggers them. 

Good luck getting a good night's sleep!


----------



## nice777guy

sisters359 said:


> I personally focus on the emotion of the dream--was I angry, sad, frustrated? When I wake and remember the dream and emotion, I think about whether they are connected in reality--or is my brain using one scenario to work through emotions related to another real-life situation.
> 
> Screaming at your wife and not being heard sounds like a combination of fear and frustration over a situation you feel is threatening and cannot control. Your divorce may have left you feeling like that a lot, and although you are fine in your waking hours, your subconscious is still working through it. I'd bet money that something in the time before you slept triggered a flash (maybe you didn't even notice) of that same feeling, which in turn triggered the dream. The event may have had nothing to do with your marriage--but it's a bit like PTSD in that you will forever identify those emotions with the divorce/ex, no matter what real life event triggers them.
> 
> Good luck getting a good night's sleep!


Makes sense. 

There were a lot of real conversations that felt like yelling at a brick wall over the last several years. And even now - a lot of concern over how she spends her time with the kids.


----------



## SRN

The week that I found out about my wifes affair I had a really bad dream. I found my wife in a bookstore coffee shop working on her laptop, I sat down to talk to her and she just got up and left. I sat there and another guy came and sat down in the seat next to hers, started using her laptop and fished something out of her purse. I asked who he was and he said "Her boyfriend." I stood up and tried to punch him, but I couldn't. My arm wouldn't react. Thats about when I woke up.
Premonition? I don't know. But I did find my wife out with the OM a few days later. I wanted to punch the guy, but I didn't. I've heard some people say that really intense dream are usually a result of your brain working though signs, thoughts, ect that it couldn't proccess consciously. So pay attention to them. Try and realize what they are saying.


----------



## Suzyque

That is fascinating--two people on this thread have had premonition dreams. I have had them too; not many in the last 7 years or so, but I used to have them almost nightly. It was incredibly disturbing, although they are a blessing I suppose.

While I was married I had several dreams where the ex was with someone else and simply didn't care that I was hysterical. I was begging him not to leave, and he was completly cold and frozen like.

Since we have separated, I have had dreams that we are still together and none of this ever happened. Those are the worst. I wake up sick and end up having a lousy day asa it sticks in my mind.


----------



## nice777guy

Suzyque said:


> While I was married I had several dreams where the ex was with someone else and simply didn't care that I was hysterical. I was begging him not to leave, and he was completly cold and frozen like.


I used to have those a lot too. Where I would be screaming and she would ignore me, or I would be trying to scream, but nothing would come out. And she would just be ignoring me. Not much to really interpret there!

Have yet to have any dreams about being together since she moved out.


----------



## CantePe

Huh, funny you should mention bad dreams. About a week ago (not divorced btw, in R) I had this dream that I had my back door open (not even in my own home but a house that felt "familiar" somehow, never seen it or the layout before) and a pair of turtle doves, male and female, flew into the room.

Room had silk sheets hanging everywhere and shiffon, very pretty earthy kind of room, wooden and old style bed with the canopy type thing going, lots of nice sun light coming through in soft tones.

The turtle doves both landed on a hip height table (wood I think) and this malicious evil black cat came out of no where, jumped up on the table and proceeded to kill the female turtle dove. Literally ripped it apart.

I picked it up and held it while it died. That's when I woke up.

Mind you, this could have been hormone driven (I was menstruating at the time and hormonal) but it could be metaphoric for the betrayal, resentment and anger I have about his infidelity...I don't know, I do have weird dreams that are pretty vivid and I have night terrors..except I was utterly calm in this bad dream..not distressed just astonished and taken by surprise. Still disturbing for the underlying tone of the dream and how my mind interprets it but not scared of it per say....


----------



## nice777guy

nice777guy said:


> In two of them - I knew she was cheating and I was screaming my lungs out at her - trying to reason with her - and she was just TOTALLY ignoring me.
> 
> Not too far off how it really went!!!


Same basic dream last night. Mixed with some other really odd stuff.

Except in this dream - we were supposed to take the kids on a weekend vacation - but she went AWOL with a boyfriend and then strolled in the door refusing to acknowledge that her "lifestyle" had cost our kids a trip we'd promised them. And I was trying to explain to the kids that we couldn't go because Mom has a "boyfriend." But they were also just kind of sitting there - not giving a $hit.

Then - I was in the Ocean - some foreigners were making fun of me because I couldn't catch or throw a frisbee. 

And - I kid you not - I lost my headphones AND the Flux Capacitor on my time machine!


----------



## SRN

My dreams of late have been very frustrating. I dream that she's still here. That she agreed to stay and work on things. Or that none of this happened and we were still happy.
Then I wake up.


----------



## Suzyque

I feel for you SRN; I have those dreams as well. They are awful. I'd wake up feeling sick to my stomach once reality hit. What is the point of those dreams? Are we trying to prepare ourselves for a possibility, or what? I wish I could stop them.

Not that I should be advocating possibly addictive substances on here--we have enough problems--but having a drink before bed seems to help me dream less.:beer:


----------



## SRN

Suzyque said:


> I feel for you SRN; I have those dreams as well. They are awful. I'd wake up feeling sick to my stomach once reality hit. What is the point of those dreams? Are we trying to prepare ourselves for a possibility, or what? I wish I could stop them.
> 
> Not that I should be advocating possibly addictive substances on here--we have enough problems--but having a drink before bed seems to help me dream less.:beer:


Beer has been a constant companion through this. Wine a little less so. I've steered clear of hard liquor for fear of heading down a dangerous path.


----------



## Suzyque

Yeah me too. I finally decided I couldn't afford the imported bber I love, and went for the hard stuff. I've become addicted to 007s--vodka, diet lemon lime soda and orange juice. High in vitamin C and low calorie too.

I meant to add something in my post to you. I don't know how long it has been for you, but it's been quite a while for me, and the dreams have really lessened in frequency. They are still a slammer when I have them, but they don't come nearly as often. I think it's because on a deeper level, the level that was still fighting to reconcile, a change occured and I began to accept the idea that it wasn't going to happen. He did something that completely infuriated me, and that enabled me to begin to let go.

Hopefully they are on the decline with you.


----------



## SRN

Divorce was final on Tuesday of this week. We've been separated for two months now. 
Fortunately I live in a city with half a dozen very, very good microbreweries, so plenty of tasty, cheap beer everywhere.
I'm hoping that dreams related to her will subside in all forms when I move into my new place here in 22 days. To many memories at the current place. So waking up in a new bed in a new room will be good, I hope.


----------



## moxy

SRN said:


> I've heard some people say that really intense dream are usually a result of your brain working though signs, thoughts, etc., that it couldn't process consciously. So pay attention to them. Try and realize what they are saying.


This is a good way of explaining them.

They've been a frequent feature of my world since d-day and I can only guess that all weird things I noticed but ignored still registered somewhere and my subconscious self wanted me to pay attention. 

I've been having almost nightly dreams and/or nightmares about my disloyal spouse (we're separated), lately, over the past week and a half. 

Maybe this is just how reality sinks in...


----------



## bandit.45

The dreams are all part of the process. I geyt them too. You just have to accept them as your mind's way of processing and moving through the trauma, just like when a person loses a limb. You can still feel the limb even though it is long gone. The brain has to flatten out that particular groove in the grey matter to make way for a new groove.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nice777guy

Then last night another vivid dream - but much different.

We were together and she was sick and literally dying. Then some "people" - like EMTs or something came and worked on her. We started getting all these people coming to see her on her "deathbed" - and then she makes a miracle recovery. So we now have a house full of people and it turns into a party - but she and I don't even cross paths again in the dream.

Weird stuff...


----------



## SRN

Had a messed up dream last night. She was home and we were fighting about her affair. She said that now that she was "free" she was no longer exclusive with the OM and there were others now. I got mad, grabbed her and started kissing her. She tried to fight me and I pushed her on the floor and started taking her clothes off.

Thats when I woke up. 2:30am. Didn't sleep much after that. This is probably the worst dream I've had because of the violence towards her. Thats never happened. Towards the OM, sure. Lots of dreams of pummeling him. But no violence towards her.


----------



## teewhy

I want my thoughts back. I'm so consumed with my stbxw. These bad dreams come back to me whenever I find myself with downtime. We were not a good match for each other and I know I loved her more than she loved me. I even cheated during the separation. Why am I so jealous for her? I don't want to be in a relationship with her, I don't want to think about who she's trying to be with. I just want my peace of mind back. We have a clean break with no kids together (she has two teenage boys who basically she put me out for disciplining), so why is my brain holding on to thoughts about her? Crazy....


----------



## Intruder

ugh...early on I would have dreams where my boys would wake up crying (always nights I didn't have them), I would wake up and always walk to their rooms......would end up sitting there for a few minutes, just trying to process what happened.

Lately I had one dream where the ex was getting ready for work after a shower...I swear I could smell her perfume. I can tell you exactly whatshe was wearing...underwear to pants/blouse.

Guess 2 years later, I still have a few issues....


----------



## jenniferswe

the following link is great site for dream interpretation. I've looked up things from my dreams on it all the time and I have had many questions answered.
An Online Guide To Dream Interpretation


----------



## oncehisangel

i dont dream

i just wake up and still see him sleeping on his side.


drives me nuts


----------



## daisygirl 41

oncehisangel said:


> i dont dream
> 
> i just wake up and still see him sleeping on his side.
> 
> 
> drives me nuts


Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I've rarely had any "good" dreams about my ex husband, even when we were married.

It's normal.


----------



## 2ntnuf

I've had vivd dreams, mostly in color, ever since I can remember. Since the trauma of my wife separating from me or should I say the realization of that event, I have continued to have some dreams. I don't remember them like I used to. I don't remember if they are in color or not. I know they are traumatic. I tend to awaken when I have them. This happens most nights and causes me to be exhausted through the day.

I wish they would end. I know they are a result of the trauma of the separation. I don't know if they will ever end.


----------

