# Fake orgasms



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Let's discuss fake orgasms. Many women do it right? I don't trust the woman I'm seeing right now.

A woman can fake orgasms by moaning/arching her back/etc etc. Has anyone ever faked leg spasms though? Can leg spasms happen without orgasm?
Curious 

What can you trust?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Let's discuss fake orgasms. Many women do it right? I don't trust the woman I'm seeing right now.
> 
> A woman can fake orgasms by moaning/arching her back/etc etc. Has anyone ever faked leg spasms though? Can leg spasms happen without orgasm?
> Curious
> ...


Does it matter? 🤔🤣🤣🤣🤣 J/K


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> Does it matter? 🤔🤣🤣🤣🤣 J/K


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> Let's discuss fake orgasms. Many women do it right? I don't trust the woman I'm seeing right now.
> 
> A woman can fake orgasms by moaning/arching her back/etc etc. Has anyone ever faked leg spasms though? Can leg spasms happen without orgasm?
> Curious
> ...


Yes, they can fake the legs and vaginal/butt clenching/pulsing/whatever it's doing as well. It may not be the exact same, but they can make a good enough copycat. 

Guys have been known to fake it as well though.


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## Chulo (6 mo ago)

Of course they do, not all of them but I have meet a couple who fake it (but never in a serious relationship), from screaming to wild body movements, that is a deal breaker from the beginning. 
They will do everything if they want to make you believe that they came because of you. 
BTW-no judgment, some girls have real troubles coming and need special treatment. They feel ashamed by it-I will put this in the same category as men who pre-ejaculate and kill the ambiance.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

bobert said:


> *Yes, they can fake the legs* and vaginal/butt clenching/pulsing/whatever it's doing as well. *It may not be the exact same, but they can make a good enough copycat.*
> 
> Guys have been known to fake it as well though.


Have you ever had that? To test I try to spasm my legs like that and I can't, at least not to what it should feel like. Shaking sure, but not spasms.

Can anyone else spasm their leg? Open question, male or female. I'm curious.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Chulo said:


> Of course they do, not all of them but I have meet a couple who fake it (but never in a serious relationship), from screaming to wild body movements, that is a deal breaker from the beginning.
> They will do everything if they want to make you believe that they came because of you.
> BTW-no judgment, some girls have real troubles coming and need special treatment. They feel ashamed by it-I will put this in the same category as men who pre-ejaculate and kill the ambiance.


Yeah I'm curious for a tell tale sign. I was content in leg spasms in the past being a tell tale sign but now I'm not so sure recently.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> What can you trust?


My go to, when you hear the noise and moans I will stop moving so I can feel the contractions. When my wife uses a vibrator during PIV she will literally carry on for like 30 seconds or so and during that time I can literally feel it. It’s like how a woman can tell when you pop inside, same thing.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> Have you ever had that? To test I try to spasm my legs like that and I can't, at least not to what it should feel like. Shaking sure, but not spasms.
> 
> Can anyone else spasm their leg? Open question, male or female. I'm curious.


I can't do it, not that I've had much practice trying! My wife can do it. She faked it for _years_. There really isn't much difference between her faked and real reactions. Real ones (for her) are shorter in duration and she pushes me away right away, and she's more quiet, that's about it but it's subtle. 

The only fool proof thing I've found is during pregnancy. Even tensing up can't fake the rock hard contractions.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ccpowerslave said:


> My go to, when you hear the noise and moans I will stop moving so I can feel the contractions. When my wife uses a vibrator during PIV she will literally carry on for like 30 seconds or so and during that time I can literally feel it. It’s like how a woman can tell when you pop inside, same thing.


Aye, I wrap myself around them to feel it too, especially the legs, they should spasm uncontrollably. Is this enough as a tell tale sign? 

I want to know if anyone has ever had anyone fake spasms like that or if anyone can.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Aye, I wrap myself around them to feel it too, especially the legs, they should spasm uncontrollably. Is this enough as a tell tale sign?
> 
> I want to know if anyone has ever had anyone fake spasms like that or if anyone can.


Not the legs. I can actually feel it on the shaft of my penis like she’s doing kegels except it goes on for a while.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

bobert said:


> I can't do it, not that I've had much practice trying! My wife can do it. She faked it for _years_. There really isn't much difference between her faked and real reactions. Real ones (for her) are shorter in duration and she pushes me away right away, and she's more quiet, that's about it but it's subtle.
> 
> The only fool proof thing I've found is during pregnancy. Even tensing up can't fake the rock hard contractions.


Damn...  

How is it even possible to spasm your body like that at will? I'm trying it now.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ccpowerslave said:


> Not the legs. I can actually feel it on the shaft of my penis like she’s doing kegels except it goes on for a while.


Yeah apparently they can fake that. My tell tale (which apparently isnt foul proof either) I guess is more the 'aftershock'


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah apparently they can fake that. My tell tale (which apparently isnt foul proof either) I guess is more the 'aftershock'


Yes they can for sure because my wife can do it to me whenever, but when she just does it for a long period of time and the cat runs out of the room due to the noise… no faking.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Aye, I wrap myself around them to feel it too, especially the legs, they should spasm uncontrollably. Is this enough as a tell tale sign?
> 
> I want to know if anyone has ever had anyone fake spasms like that or if anyone can.


Yes it can be faked.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yes it can be faked.


Is there nothing we men can trust 😩


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Is there nothing we men can trust 😩


Ok here’s another one.

After… I notice that the overall looseness and amount of natural lubricants has increased a lot.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Is there nothing we men can trust 😩


Welcome to my world. 😉


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Orgasms are like opinions. The only one that matters is mine and I don’t care if you have (or fake) one.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Welcome to my world. 😉


How is it even possible? How is it done to recreate the spasms?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

CharlieParker said:


> Orgasms are like opinions. The only one that matters is mine and I don’t care if you have (or fake) one.


I use it to determine sexual compatibility, I dump otherwise actually.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> How is it even possible? How is it done to recreate the spasms?


It’s like kegels. It feels really good, too, so it’s easy to keep it up for a while.

What you really need to take away from this, is that as a woman I’m telling you that we can’t always get there and it’s not because you’re not good at what you’re doing or that we aren’t enjoying it. Usually it’s something emotional that has zero to do with you; it’s frustrating for us too.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> I use it to determine sexual compatibility, I dump otherwise actually.


🙄 “No pressure, but if you can’t orgasm on command I’ll dump you.” 😂😂😂


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> 🙄 “No pressure, but if you can’t orgasm on command I’ll dump you.” 😂😂😂


"I don't care if you orgasm, gonna dump you anyway" 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> 🙄 “No pressure, but if you can’t orgasm on command I’ll dump you.” 😂😂😂


Lol not on command she should orgasm uncontrollably 😋



Numb26 said:


> "I don't care if you orgasm, gonna dump you anyway" 🤣🤣🤣🤣


Hahahahaha


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Kinda rethinking being so nice about why women fake orgasms… 🤬

I’m kidding of course. We’re playing. 😉🤪😂😂😉


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s like kegels. It feels really good, too, so it’s easy to keep it up for a while.
> 
> What you really need to take away from this, is that as a woman I’m telling you that we can’t always get there and it’s not because you’re not good at what you’re doing or that we aren’t enjoying it. Usually it’s something emotional that has zero to do with you; it’s frustrating for us too.


Yeah I read testimonies about that, where a couple can be vanilla AF but the orgasms were strongest because of the love they had for each other.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

If the clamp you feel
You know it’s real


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah I read testimonies about that, where a couple can be vanilla AF but the orgasms were strongest because of the love they had for each other.


“Vanilla” is a relative term. Just because there aren’t threesomes and sex swings doesn’t mean its not exciting.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> Lol not on command she should orgasm uncontrollably 😋


It's not always that simple. Pressure like that won't help either, and she can probably feel it even if you don't say it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> “Vanilla” is a relative term. Just because there aren’t threesomes and sex swings doesn’t mean its not exciting.


I meant like vanilla as in day in day out same position.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ccpowerslave said:


> If the clamp you feel
> You know it’s real


Others may argue 😋


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

The bigger question is why are you seeing someone you don't trust?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I don't fake anything. I don't orgasm every time, though I do a lot, but even when I do they're not always the same....they vary in strength and type.

I enjoy every encounter because they all feel good and I love the intimacy.

If that's not enough I don't know what to tell you. Orgasms are wonderful but women don't have the same biological need to have them as men.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Let's discuss fake orgasms. Many women do it right? I don't trust the woman I'm seeing right now.
> 
> A woman can fake orgasms by moaning/arching her back/etc etc. Has anyone ever faked leg spasms though? Can leg spasms happen without orgasm?
> Curious
> ...


Hahahaha! Dude, you are so weird! Love it though! Hahahaha!😋


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> The bigger question is why are you seeing someone you don't trust?


Because I hit a home run before we built any trust. I'm giving it time for it to develop.

For now I'm just determining compatibility. Her legs spasm like my other exs but I don't really trust she's really into me that's why I'm suspicious.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't fake anything. I don't orgasm every time, though I do a lot, but even when I do they're not always the same....they vary in strength and type.
> 
> I enjoy every encounter because they all feel good and I love the intimacy.
> 
> If that's not enough I don't know what to tell you. Orgasms are wonderful but women don't have the same biological need to have them as men.


Yeah there were times with my past partners when they didn't have those spasms or only came once or even not at all but were satisfied. 

They were honest about it though and didn't try to fake it with me and I trust them... mostly.

Its not that I'm concerned about, they are gone now, more curious about my new and future lovers actually.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

There you go overthinking things again. Man, you are your own worst enemy.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You need to get out of your head and live life rather than turning everything into a world ending crisis.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> You need to get out of your head and live life rather than turning everything into a world ending crisis.


You took the words right out of my mouth. OP, I’ve read some of your other threads. I don’t mean this as an insult but are you autistic? If so, your posts will make a lot more sense to me. You really seem to want to over analyze every aspect of everything when it comes to attraction, women, and relationships and it’s a wonder you can ever enjoy yourself in the moment. I feel like a lot of the things you seem preoccupied by may really be limiting your options and chances, relationship wise.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't fake anything. I don't orgasm every time, though I do a lot, but even when I do they're not always the same....they vary in strength and type.
> 
> I enjoy every encounter because they all feel good and I love the intimacy.
> 
> If that's not enough I don't know what to tell you. Orgasms are wonderful but women don't have the same biological need to have them as men.


I would say this describes my wife exactly. These days maybe 70% of the time she wants to have an orgasm and will guarantee it with Amazon.com vibrator (thanks Bezos).

Even still sometimes it is super strong and lasts for a long time that makes me jealous, and other times it is more like a man.

Then there’s the 30% where she’s like meh not going to happen. In the morning she almost never wants to have one.

Yesterday she cornered me after I waited in line for an hour to pick up her Rx meds. She goes hey do you want to work out or do you want to get in the shower? I’m like well I didn’t do anything! She says ok do 20 push ups and 20 sit ups and then get in the shower. She had no orgasm but wanted me to screw. So is that bad? No.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Let's discuss fake orgasms. Many women do it right? I don't trust the woman I'm seeing right now.
> 
> A woman can fake orgasms by moaning/arching her back/etc etc. Has anyone ever faked leg spasms though? Can leg spasms happen without orgasm?
> Curious
> ...


You can fake anything, and I believe a lot of it goes on, and I think one big reason for that is because the guy cares more than women do about it and get tired if trying goes on too long, plus just want to make the guy feel good as well as not be harangued about it. 

Obviously any kind of sex worker is faking it pretty much all the time and lying to convince you.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah I'm curious for a tell tale sign. I was content in leg spasms in the past being a tell tale sign but now I'm not so sure recently.


Well to begin with not everybody has leg spasms when they orgasm so honestly I think I would be suspicious if they were even having leg spasms.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> My go to, when you hear the noise and moans I will stop moving so I can feel the contractions. When my wife uses a vibrator during PIV she will literally carry on for like 30 seconds or so and during that time I can literally feel it. It’s like how a woman can tell when you pop inside, same thing.


You can also fake that though.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You can fake anything, and I believe a lot of it goes on, and I think one big reason for that is because the guy cares more than women do about it and get tired if trying goes on too long, plus just want to make the guy feel good as well as not be harangued about it.
> 
> Obviously any kind of sex worker is faking it pretty much all the time and lying to convince you.


They’re paid to make men think they’re studs. It’s why it’s so funny when men think strippers are into them.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> How is it even possible? How is it done to recreate the spasms?


I have never even heard of leg spasms like you're describing during orgasm. A jerking of the whole body, yes. But what you're describing sounds like restless leg syndrome.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I have never even heard of leg spasms like you're describing during orgasm. A jerking of the whole body, yes. But what you're describing sounds like restless leg syndrome.


I have them. When things go well.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> If the clamp you feel
> You know it’s real


Speaking of clamp, thunder thighs is a real phenomenon where when you orgasm, if your knees are up in the air, they suddenly close like a venus fly trap and often evict the penis.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Because I hit a home run before we built any trust. I'm giving it time for it to develop.
> 
> For now I'm just determining compatibility. Her legs spasm like my other exs but I don't really trust she's really into me that's why I'm suspicious.


Honestly someone having an orgasm with you is no measure of whether they like you. They may just like sex.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Honestly someone having an orgasm with you is no measure of whether they like you. They may just like sex.


Yeah my wife only wants to have an orgasm about 1/3 of the time we have sex and she needs a toy on her clit to do so. So while she doesn't want to have an orgasm most of the time, at least I know she is not faking.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Honestly someone having an orgasm with you is no measure of whether they like you. They may just like sex.


This is very true. It is, after all, a physical reaction. Some women can relax and orgasm even with someone they don’t trust or like.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Some women do, some don't have leg spasms. Some women O from PIV some don't, O's from PIV are often different to direct stimulation O's too.

Sometimes we just can't get there, no matter ho valiantly our husband tries, depending on many things - are we tired/stressed/where are we in our cycle/who the heck knows why we just can't, it does NOT mean we didn't enjoy it immensely.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Yeah my wife only wants to have an orgasm about 1/3 of the time we have sex and she needs a toy on her clit to do so. So while she doesn't want to have an orgasm most of the time, at least I know she is not faking.


And there's nothing wrong with that. It's very annoying when men pressure you to orgasm just to make themselves feel better.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Have you just come out and asked her if she’s actually enjoying herself during sex?


ccpowerslave said:


> I would say this describes my wife exactly. These days maybe 70% of the time she wants to have an orgasm and will guarantee it with Amazon.com vibrator (thanks Bezos).
> 
> Even still sometimes it is super strong and lasts for a long time that makes me jealous, and other times it is more like a man.
> 
> ...


wow, I can’t imagine initiating sex without the desire to have an orgasm. It blows my mind that anyone, man or woman, would do that, unless it was to get their partner off their back like “ok, if I do it now they won’t bug me about it later tonight when I’m trying to watch my show.”

I wonder, how often do men initiate sex just because they want the intimacy, fun, or whatever it is they get out of it other than an orgasm with their partners but they don’t really feel like having an orgasm and don’t care if they do or not? Are there men here who do that? If so, please enlighten me.

I intend to orgasm every single time I have sex, especially if I’m going to initiate it. I think the average man orgasms almost every time he has sex, so I’m not going to lower my standards as far as getting to come too.

Seriously, there are women out there having sex 30-70% of the time, going into it NOT wanting an orgasm at all? Are we sure these women really wouldn’t prefer to have an orgasm every time if it maybe didn’t require more effort and a toy on the clit? I say this as a woman who does need a toy so no judgment there. I just won’t have sex if the toy isn’t involved because damn it if the guy gets to orgasm every time (and he does) then Im getting my share!

Women who have sex with their partners and don’t really care about having an orgasm are either lying about not caring, just want to get their partners off their back, or they feel a level of emotional connection, physical pleasure, and love for their partners pre-orgasm that I have never experienced. Good for them and their men.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> wow, I can’t imagine initiating sex without the desire to have an orgasm. It blows my mind that anyone, man or woman, would do that, unless it was to get their partner off their back like “ok, if I do it now they won’t bug me about it later tonight when I’m trying to watch my show.”


At least for my wife it’s quite often. It’s easy for me to tell. If she doesn’t want to be on top or she doesn’t grab the vibrator it’s her signal she’s not trying to have one.

She’s never had one standing up in the shower as far as I know but she will still initiate it. I think she enjoys knowing I am putty in her hands and maybe some percent she likes being desired.

I have had too many cocktails before to where I basically can’t have an orgasm. She has hers and then I stop and go well it’s not going to happen. I mean with a guy you can tell because it leaves a bit of a mess. It’s fine I will just pick up from that in the morning if she’s willing.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Speaking of clamp, thunder thighs is a real phenomenon where when you orgasm, if your knees are up in the air, they suddenly close like a venus fly trap and often evict the penis.


I have never been evicted I always pay rent!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> For now I'm just determining compatibility. Her legs spasm like my other exs but I don't really trust she's really into me that's why I'm suspicious.


Are you paying her cash or paying her car payments, rent and tuition/student loans?

If yes, then she is a prostitute or sugar baby and could be doing it for the money/financial support.

If there is no financial transactions taking place, then there is a high likelihood she is game.

Women do not typically get naked with men and let men stick things inside them if they don’t like them.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Women do not typically get naked with men and let men stick things inside them if they don’t like them.


This.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Have you just come out and asked her if she’s actually enjoying herself during sex?
> 
> 
> wow, I can’t imagine initiating sex without the desire to have an orgasm. It blows my mind that anyone, man or woman, would do that, unless it was to get their partner off their back like “ok, if I do it now they won’t bug me about it later tonight when I’m trying to watch my show.”
> ...


Well my wife is what you described but thats what she likes. She doesn't want to orgasm each time we have sex.

So based on what you said, does that mean you just wouldn't want to have sex if you didn't want to orgasm?

I offer each time as I would love for her to O each time we have se but she says she doesn't want to? So what should a guy do???


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Well my wife is what you described but thats what she likes. She doesn't want to orgasm each time we have sex.
> 
> So based on what you said, does that mean you just wouldn't want to have sex if you didn't want to orgasm?
> 
> I offer each time as I would love for her to O each time we have se but she says she doesn't want to? So what should a guy do???


I know what I do. Swiggidy swooty I’m tappin’ dat booty.

The other day my wife was like meh I don’t want to screw but you know what I’ll give you a BJ. It was hard. I thought for a long time. I contemplated the meaning of the universe… but then I was like yah that would be great and you know what it was!


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

ccpowerslave said:


> I know what I do. Swiggidy swooty I’m tappin’ dat booty.
> 
> The other day my wife was like meh I don’t want to screw but you know what I’ll give you a BJ. It was hard. I thought for a long time. I contemplated the meaning of the universe… but then I was like yah that would be great and you know what it was!


Yeah I do the same. If my wife doesn't want to cum, thats on her...but I still do!

I just wonder if Busy Washing just denies her hubby having sex if she doesn't want to cum?


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Well my wife is what you described but thats what she likes. She doesn't want to orgasm each time we have sex.
> 
> So based on what you said, does that mean you just wouldn't want to have sex if you didn't want to orgasm?
> 
> I offer each time as I would love for her to O each time we have se but she says she doesn't want to? So what should a guy do???


I have some apparently atypical feelings about sex as is so I know I only really speak for myself here. I’m not a huge fan of it.

I wouldn’t want to have sex if I didn’t want/intend to orgasm. That’s pretty much the only enjoyable thing I get out of the experience. It’s not fun for me and it feels like a big waste of my time and energy if I don’t get an orgasm out of it. Sex is very boring to me and at least an orgasm makes it sort of worth my time. Now I will say that I’m also disappointed if my husband doesn’t orgasm during sex. If I think he might have beer **** I definitely won’t have sex with him because it’s not fun to me if he doesn’t orgasm. The idea that he won’t orgasm is a huge turn off. Once we’ve both orgasmed I have no desire to be lovey or cuddly or any of that stuff. Purpose of activity fulfilled, move on to other things. I also hate if he orgasms first and I’m not there yet and he wants to keep going or do things to pleasure me. Once he orgasms it’s not likely that I will so I call it over at that point. But at least I feel like I did my duty during those situations and don’t have to feel guilty that day.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

ccpowerslave said:


> I know what I do. Swiggidy swooty I’m tappin’ dat booty.
> 
> The other day my wife was like meh I don’t want to screw but you know what I’ll give you a BJ. It was hard. I thought for a long time. I contemplated the meaning of the universe… but then I was like yah that would be great and you know what it was!


You have a great wife. I hate blowjobs. I only offer them because I don’t feel like actual sex and want my husband to get off my back. Rarely happens though because I hate them so much. Does any woman give a bj just out of the kindness of her heart or does she know her husband wants to screw every single day and this is her way of just keeping him at bay? Then again,I might be wanting to do all sorts of things if I had a husband who cooked all of the meals at home. I read that you did all of the cooking in some other thread and that also blows my mind haha.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> You have a great wife. I hate blowjobs. I only offer them because I don’t feel like actual sex and want my husband to get off my back. Rarely happens though because I hate them so much. Does any woman give a bj just out of the kindness of her heart or does she know her husband wants to screw every single day and this is her way of just keeping him at bay? Then again,I might be wanting to do all sorts of things if I had a husband who cooked all of the meals at home. I read that you did all of the cooking in some other thread and that also blows my mind haha.


Did I read somewhere that it used to not be this way for you and your wife? Do you ever wonder if her willingness is in part because she knows that if the sex decreased significantly you wouldn’t be scared to walk? So she offers a Bj and maybe does it enthusiastically but if she had it her way she wouldn’t be having sex or sucking a **** that day? But she loves you and wants to keep you happy and doesn’t want to lose somebody who makes great money and does all of the cooking. Is her desire to give a BJ a genuine desire or does she know you’ll just get broody if you have to go without for a few days? Who the hell gives a BJ just for the heck of it out of the kindness of her heart? You must be a really great cook.

I think many women out there have more regular sex with their husbands than what they’d care to do simply to keep their husbands from leaving.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I have some apparently atypical feelings about sex as is so I know I only really speak for myself here. I’m not a huge fan of it.
> 
> I wouldn’t want to have sex if I didn’t want/intend to orgasm. That’s pretty much the only enjoyable thing I get out of the experience. It’s not fun for me and it feels like a big waste of my time and energy if I don’t get an orgasm out of it. Sex is very boring to me and at least an orgasm makes it sort of worth my time. Now I will say that I’m also disappointed if my husband doesn’t orgasm during sex. If I think he might have beer **** I definitely won’t have sex with him because it’s not fun to me if he doesn’t orgasm. The idea that he won’t orgasm is a huge turn off. Once we’ve both orgasmed I have no desire to be lovey or cuddly or any of that stuff. Purpose of activity fulfilled, move on to other things. I also hate if he orgasms first and I’m not there yet and he wants to keep going or do things to pleasure me. Once he orgasms it’s not likely that I will so I call it over at that point. But at least I feel like I did my duty during those situations and don’t have to feel guilty that day.


This actually sounds fairly similar to my wife. I take St John’s Wort, I can last as long as she needs now but she generally wants me to pop right at the same time. Since I have sex with her a lot I know roughly how long she takes and vice versa so these days we’re about at the same time.

She wants me to have an orgasm every time. I can stay hard long enough if I am ahead of her so it’s not an issue.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

ccpowerslave said:


> This actually sounds fairly similar to my wife. I take St John’s Wort, I can last as long as she needs now but she generally wants me to pop right at the same time. Since I have sex with her a lot I know roughly how long she takes and vice versa so these days we’re about at the same time.
> 
> She wants me to have an orgasm every time. I can stay hard long enough if I am ahead of her so it’s not an issue.


My husband will hold off if he knows I’m nowhere near an orgasm myself but sometimes I just get tired of trying and tell him to please just finish because I’m done trying. If I’ve realized that I’m not going to orgasm the entire point of sex is gone for me and I just want to finish and to me the finish of sex is once he orgasms.

If he has to back off several times I start to worry he’ll lose it all together and at that point there’s no way I’m going to orgasm because I’m too concerned about him backing off for the 5th time because I’m taking so long to get there. It’s not his fault and I’m not upset with him about it. He always offers to keep going or to do something else to keep things going for me but I’m not interested at that point. I feel jealous that he came and I didn’t and I usually get a little huffy, but I don’t blame him for it because I know he was willing and I just didn’t feel like going any longer. I almost always orgasm now though since I’ve found the right toys. If we were somewhere, such as on vacation, and I didn’t have the toys then we’d either have to go to a sex shop and buy new ones or I won’t be having sex at all because I know there’s zero chance I’ll orgasm. I’m just not that benevolent.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Find a squirter. You’ll know when you’re pleasing her. Just make sure you have plenty of towels handy.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Busy Washing My Hair I'm similar in a way, it's nice but I also want it over and done with for both of us. Orgasms for both means yay, we scratched both our itches, let's cuddle! Still I like cuddles after sex and that's the best part for me lol.

I don't know how men fake their orgasms, in the past I have to finish otherwise my partner won't let me go until I do, and if I don't finish and get tired she feels bad and I have to make it up to her. 

As for their orgasms, sometimes my exs came during PIV but not always. After I finish I don't really stop, I start using my hands on her, I always let _her_ stop me and let me know if they are done so it's a mighty waste of time and a workout for nothing if I'm rubbing her for no reason.

I'm still exploring things with my new partner, I dunno, maybe I am thinking too much for now, but curious, 'tis all.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> There you go overthinking things again. Man, you are your own worst enemy.


Just curious bro 

Because 1+2+3 = 4 ... something just doesn't add up


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

oldshirt said:


> If there is no financial transactions taking place, then there is a high likelihood she is game.
> 
> Women do not typically get naked with men and let men stick things inside them if they don’t like them.


For now... but yeah, let's stick to topic lol



DownByTheRiver said:


> Honestly someone having an orgasm with you is no measure of whether they like you. They may just like sex.


Sure, but it's part of sexual compatibility and if so it's a checkbox ticked.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> You have a great wife. I hate blowjobs. I only offer them because I don’t feel like actual sex and want my husband to get off my back. Rarely happens though because I hate them so much. *Does any woman give a bj just out of the kindness of her heart or does she know her husband wants to screw every single day and this is her way of just keeping him at bay? *Then again,I might be wanting to do all sorts of things if I had a husband who cooked all of the meals at home. I read that you did all of the cooking in some other thread and that also blows my mind haha.


Well, I've always had BJs on tap. I've heard women don't like BJs but I've never been intimate with one that didn't 🤷‍♂️ Its weird, maybe I have a radar for all the c--ksuckers


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Just curious bro
> 
> Because 1+2+3 = 4 ... something just doesn't add up


Still overthinking it. If some girl you are hooking up with is faking orgasms then that is on her. She's missing out, not you.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> Still overthinking it. If some girl you are hooking up with is faking orgasms then that is on her. She's missing out, not you.


Yeah well, we are still seeing each other so 🤷‍♂️

Not exactly a one night wham bam bye thing. It is too early to think about this sure, just curious really. I haven't had sex until now for 10 months after all and was with a partner for 4 years. So I may be out of date with recent findings on human sexuality!


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## csj77 (May 6, 2018)

You should probably just give up dating. No woman with her salt is going to put up with all this rubbish you’re doing.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah well, we are still seeing each other so 🤷‍♂️
> 
> Not exactly a one night wham bam bye thing. It is too early to think about this sure, just curious really. I haven't had sex until now for 10 months after all and was with a partner for 4 years. So I may be out of date with recent findings on human sexuality!


So technically you could chalk this experience up as educational. Required credits even.
😉🤣


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> So technically you could chalk this experience up as educational. Required credits even.
> 😉🤣


Everything is educational lol

Trying to learn as much as I can through each experience. Though some things you have to ask - like today I learnt women CAN fake leg spasms too so... crap!


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Orgasms are overrated - especially now that I'm not having sex...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

csj77 said:


> You should probably just give up dating. No woman with her salt is going to put up with all this rubbish you’re doing.


Man that's hilarious to even consider as a relevant comment. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In Absentia said:


> Orgasms are overrated - especially now that I'm not having sex...


----------



## csj77 (May 6, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Man that's hilarious to even consider as a relevant comment. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Oh no. You wound me. 🙄
Fortunately I don’t care what you consider to be relevant.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Have you ever had that? To test I try to spasm my legs like that and I can't, at least not to what it should feel like. Shaking sure, but not spasms.
> 
> Can anyone else spasm their leg? Open question, male or female. I'm curious.


Nope. They have NEVER faked it with me...



/S

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah I'm curious for a tell tale sign. I was content in leg spasms in the past being a tell tale sign but now I'm not so sure recently.


As far as I can tell (see previous post ), waterworks is the only thing that I know (translation: I don't think) can be faked. 

But really, who knows? The more I think I understand about women, the less I actually understand about women. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I suspect orgasm faking is a massive undetected activity...


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> As far as I can tell (see previous post ), waterworks is the only thing that I know (translation: I don't think) can be faked.
> 
> But really, who knows? The more I think I understand about women, the less I actually understand about women.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


I bet it can be faked. 

Pee.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

farsidejunky said:


> As far as I can tell (see previous post ), waterworks is the only thing that I know (translation: I don't think) can be faked.
> 
> But really, who knows? The more I think I understand about women, the less I actually understand about women.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


It's pee so... yeah, I bet it can be faked.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I think what faking orgasms shows is that many women feel a need to project an IMAGE of who they want to be to the men they are with, for whatever reason. And it comes from the pressure that women feel to please the men they want, that women put ON THEMSELVES. 

It's a reverse of the male ego -- male ego wants to give a woman orgasms, and female ego wants to be the sexy woman who he can give them to.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

LisaDiane said:


> It's a reverse of the male ego -- male ego wants to give a woman orgasms, and female ego wants to be the sexy woman who he can give them to.


Interesting... never considered that angle... to me it's just two people who love each other and want to please each other.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> I think what faking orgasms shows is that many women feel a need to project an IMAGE of who they want to be to the men they are with, for whatever reason. And it comes from the pressure that women feel to please the men they want, that women put ON THEMSELVES.
> 
> It's a reverse of the male ego -- male ego wants to give a woman orgasms, and female ego wants to be the sexy woman who he can give them to.


This is probably true (I'm a man, what do I know ) but men can definitely be guilty of putting pressure on women. I'm pretty guilty there...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In Absentia said:


> Interesting... never considered that angle... to me it's just two people who love each other and want to please each other.





bobert said:


> This is probably true (I'm a man, what do I know ) but men can definitely be guilty of putting pressure on women. I'm pretty guilty there...


It's because we want to please our partners we can be guilty of putting pressure on women.

Faking it just ruins it for everyone.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> Faking it just ruins it for everyone.


So does pressure though.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

bobert said:


> So does pressure though.


So what is the solution?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> Interesting... never considered that angle... to me it's just two people who love each other and want to please each other.


Exactly. It's the projection that creates insecurities.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> So what is the solution?


You won't like the answer....it's something you find almost impossible to get to...


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

bobert said:


> This is probably true (I'm a man, what do I know ) but men can definitely be guilty of putting pressure on women. I'm pretty guilty there...


I think you have a bit of insight into male ego...? Lol!!


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> So what is the solution?


Know the person. trust them, like them. Try those things. Being peeved about a fake o is more arrogant behavior on your end. How dare she????? Would you rather her say “ yah couldn’t get there want that great?”


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> You won't like the answer....it's something you find almost impossible to get to...


She not going to get there with someone who doesn’t like respect or trust her. That’s my “ hate” for the day


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> So what is the solution?


Don't see the female orgasm as the end all be all, the goal of sex, a reflection of you and your performance, or a reflection of how she feels about you?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

And the first time a guy asks strangers about if I faked an o or not and dissected would end that relationship. Seriously? Wth


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> Let's discuss fake orgasms. Many women do it right? *I don't trust the woman I'm seeing right now.*
> 
> A woman can fake orgasms by moaning/arching her back/etc etc. Has anyone ever faked leg spasms though? Can leg spasms happen without orgasm?
> Curious
> ...


Is this your ex-escort?


RandomDude said:


> I did marry an ex-escort so I'm like 🤷‍♂️
> 1000 is just a rough estimate, could be more, could be less, I never really bothered with the number. I just know it's obviously more than me!
> 
> However, she had her reasons, found Christ later, and yeah even in marriage she was still fixated on sex, but aside from her insatiable lust, as a person? As a wife? As a mother? I trust her implicitly and that has been earned over many years, never broken.
> ...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownButNotOut said:


> Is this your ex-escort?


No I'm not dating my ex-wife. I don't understand your post, I mentioned very clearly marriage/trust in that relationship. How is it relevant to my topic?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

bobert said:


> Don't see the female orgasm as the end all be all, the goal of sex, a reflection of you and your performance, or a reflection of how she feels about you?


As there is no way to be sure of a female orgasm, this seems to be the only solution.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

bobert said:


> Don't see the female orgasm as the end all be all, the goal of sex, a reflection of you and your performance, or a reflection of how she feels about you?





RandomDude said:


> As there is no way to be sure of a female orgasm, this seems to be the only solution.


Good answer!!! I was going to say ACCEPTANCE is the key - accepting eachother and just enjoying the intimacy and connection that sex give you, without worrying about a specific outcome. 
Acceptance is what helps take away the pressure of not being "perfect" sexual partners, for both people, and creates a place for more vulnerability, which leads to better sex.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

LisaDiane said:


> Good answer!!! I was going to say ACCEPTANCE is the key - accepting eachother and just enjoying the intimacy and connection that sex give you, without worrying about a specific outcome.
> Acceptance is what helps take away the pressure of not being "perfect" sexual partners, for both people, and creates a place for more vulnerability, which leads to better sex.


It's forced acceptance now lol

Forced only because it seems we men will never know


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

[


lifeistooshort said:


> Orgasms are wonderful but women don't have the same biological need to have them as men.


I'm a man and don't need to orgasm during sex. I probably finish about 50% of the time, however, I'll take good sex and no orgasm over bad sex and an orgasm. Ask any woman and she will tell you the same thing.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Mybabysgotit said:


> [
> 
> 
> I'm a man and don't need to orgasm during sex. I probably finish about 50% of the time, however, I'll take good sex and no orgasm over bad sex and an orgasm. Ask any woman and she will tell you the same thing.


I'm a woman so I don't have to ask 😀

Orgasm + bad sex < taking care of myself 😅


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)




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## FHL0415 (6 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> Let's discuss fake orgasms. Many women do it right? I don't trust the woman I'm seeing right now.
> 
> A woman can fake orgasms by moaning/arching her back/etc etc. Has anyone ever faked leg spasms though? Can leg spasms happen without orgasm?
> Curious
> ...


Don't know about you but my experience tells me up to the orgasm, during it, and in the aftershocks the spasms are unrhythmic with unpredictable intervals. Imagine a drummer with even the most uncommon time signatures like 7/4 or 9/4 with a mix of off-beat/on beat patterns. Even these still can be predictable over the course of a a few bars. Not so with orgasmic spasms with the women I have been with. So moaning and groaning with hip thrusts, clenches and the like aren't the real cues.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> So what is the solution?


Relax and enjoy the ride. My viewpoint is maybe way off from most men, but since I always give my best there is nothing more I can do. Wife's verbal and non-verbal cues help direct what is going on as needed. If a woman isn't having a good time that is on her to communicate what she needs. I would think making a big deal about whether she did or didn't orgasm would make it LESS enjoyable on the next round. At least my wife needs to be in a relaxed, "zoned out" state so if she was worried about me being worried that ain't gonna work for either of us Takes a lot of fun out of the journey, which for us is as important as the fireworks.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Did I read somewhere that it used to not be this way for you and your wife? Do you ever wonder if her willingness is in part because she knows that if the sex decreased significantly you wouldn’t be scared to walk? So she offers a Bj and maybe does it enthusiastically but if she had it her way she wouldn’t be having sex or sucking a **** that day? But she loves you and wants to keep you happy and doesn’t want to lose somebody who makes great money and does all of the cooking. Is her desire to give a BJ a genuine desire or does she know you’ll just get broody if you have to go without for a few days? Who the hell gives a BJ just for the heck of it out of the kindness of her heart? You must be a really great cook.


I actually think all of the above depending on the situation.

Sometimes I think she doesn’t want to have regular PIV sex, this last time because she ate too much and didn’t feel like it. Some times she is different and is talking dirty and such and seems to enjoy getting me off that way.

I highly doubt she has ever gotten up in the morning and thought, “You know what would be awesome is to give a BJ today.”

Fortunately I would only electively pick to start that way maybe say 1/20 encounters so that works out fine. There is an ebb and flow. I’d say some months in the last couple years she has done a lot and other months zero, or maybe one.

As for why in general I’d say yes that in the beginning after I confronted her she was concerned I would leave. It has been years since that time though and we have settled down and sometimes we’re having sex frequently 1-2x a day and then other times we’ll have gaps of a few days.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Did I read somewhere that it used to not be this way for you and your wife? Do you ever wonder if her willingness is in part because she knows that if the sex decreased significantly you wouldn’t be scared to walk? So she offers a Bj and maybe does it enthusiastically but if she had it her way she wouldn’t be having sex or sucking a **** that day? But she loves you and wants to keep you happy and doesn’t want to lose somebody who makes great money and does all of the cooking. Is her desire to give a BJ a genuine desire or does she know you’ll just get broody if you have to go without for a few days? Who the hell gives a BJ just for the heck of it out of the kindness of her heart? You must be a really great cook.
> 
> *I think many women out there have more regular sex with their husbands than what they’d care to do simply to keep their husbands from leaving.*


See the bolded above. Yes, this is a deeper subject but to ask and keep it simple, the couple questions are:

If a W or H wants to have more sex when the SO wants to, than they say they really care to have because it helps the overall relationship are you saying that spouse isn't capable of deciding when they want to have sex?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Let's discuss fake orgasms. Many women do it right? I don't trust the woman I'm seeing right now.
> 
> A woman can fake orgasms by moaning/arching her back/etc etc. Has anyone ever faked leg spasms though? Can leg spasms happen without orgasm?
> Curious
> ...


My wife tends to exhibit damn near grand mal seizure symptoms when she orgasms, and there are other physical signs she is also.

Same with orgasm during oral, I have to lock into her like a steer wrestler. Even then she can give me whiplash with her bucking during orgasm. We are very, very blessed that she orgasms easily in all ways. Said it is more intense with PIV than with oral, manual or toys.

I is always a bit of work to get me there. If it is over 72 degrees in the room, I most likely will not get there. I've gone for over an hour before and nothing. It is like climbing a really slick muddy creek bank. A whole lot of exertion but you can not get to the top. 

We have a saying, "You can see it from here, but you can't get there from here"


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Divinely Favored said:


> My wife tends to exhibit damn near grand mal seizure symptoms when she orgasms, and there are other physical signs she is also.
> 
> Same with orgasm during oral, I have to lock into her like a steer wrestler. Even then she can give me whiplash with her bucking during orgasm. We are very, very blessed that she orgasms easily in all ways. Said it is more intense with PIV than with oral, manual or toys.
> 
> ...


Yeah keep the air conditioning on, I have the same problem if it's too hot and I'm drenched from all the pumping. Longer it takes, more sweaty, more sweaty, even longer it takes.

However the base amount of time it takes me to O depends on the foreplay/tease/sexual tension before hand. If none and duty calls I just use the imagination.

Which brings me to what I've been thinking - all this focus on Os, women too who want their partners to O, it does ruin the experience. Because when it's part of duty to orgasm, it's not so nice. If there isn't so much pressure, it's nicer and can get there easier. I'm guessing that's the same for women... I dunno - different women different neets right? My ex needed her Os.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> I actually think all of the above depending on the situation.
> 
> Sometimes I think she doesn’t want to have regular PIV sex, this last time because she ate too much and didn’t feel like it. Some times she is different and is talking dirty and such and seems to enjoy getting me off that way.
> 
> ...


I'll only add that W and I had a mini vacay for 4th and it involved having time to bring in DIY apparatus, assemblies and toys, the activities spanned the entire vacation and was a great hit enjoyed by all!

We established there must be regular and frequent sex years ago and still going strong.

That I'm an Engineer and she's adventurous puts our special events above and beyond if you will into super fantastic naked times. 
I had a great few days holiday. 😉


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah I'm curious for a tell tale sign. I was content in leg spasms in the past being a tell tale sign but now I'm not so sure recently.


I notice tightening in vaginal canal during and then very very wet.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah I'm curious for a tell tale sign. I was content in leg spasms in the past being a tell tale sign but now I'm not so sure recently.


There's definitely a physical constricting of the vaginal canal that happens with the vocal and pelvic grind and twitching. TMI I know, sorry..😮

The vaginal canal constricting is very noticeable to fingers and appendages when W orgasms. Super strong ones feel like chinese finger trap cycling a few times. 
Sorry again for TMI but wanted to highlight the inner and outer signs.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I think many women out there have more regular sex with their husbands than what they’d care to do simply to keep their husbands from leaving.


Yep, that was us...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> I notice tightening in vaginal canal during and then very very wet.


That comment lead me to add a bit if experience of same. If my fingers are involved the tightening cycling is a great indicator of depth of orgasm. W is also very vocal and physical in signs.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> Yep, that was us...


This wasn't *my* comment ie "I think many women out there have more regular sex with their husbands than what they’d care to do simply to keep their husbands from leaving."

That was @Busy Washing My Hair comment.



Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Did I read somewhere that it used to not be this way for you and your wife? Do you ever wonder if her willingness is in part because she knows that if the sex decreased significantly you wouldn’t be scared to walk? So she offers a Bj and maybe does it enthusiastically but if she had it her way she wouldn’t be having sex or sucking a **** that day? But she loves you and wants to keep you happy and doesn’t want to lose somebody who makes great money and does all of the cooking. Is her desire to give a BJ a genuine desire or does she know you’ll just get broody if you have to go without for a few days? Who the hell gives a BJ just for the heck of it out of the kindness of her heart? You must be a really great cook.
> 
> I think many women out there have more regular sex with their husbands than what they’d care to do simply to keep their husbands from leaving.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah I read testimonies about that, where a couple can be vanilla AF but the orgasms were strongest because of the love they had for each other.


I would agree.

Not vanilla by any means but the bond between wife and I....neither of us has had the extreme level of orgasm as we have together, than either of us in past relationships.

Early in the relationship the orgasm was intense but limited to groin area. Then as I was more and more bonded and In love with more, I would go numb/tingly from waist down. Now we have been together 26 yrs. If she passed I do not see another relationship. We are like twins in how we interact mentally. We are one.

Now when I orgasm it is like I got hold of a 220 volt wire, as I have uncontrollable head to toe spasms, as does she. Hell I wish I could bottle the stuff, I would carry a flask around with me like an alcoholic...just stay drunk.😋


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> They’re paid to make men think they’re studs. It’s why it’s so funny when men think strippers are into them.


I used to dance with a stripped at a night club on her off days during the week. She liked country western dance. Beautiful blond with green eyes, stage name Jade. 

She wanted me to meet her co-worker, Shawnee, said she needed to find her a good looking cowboy and quit dating losers.

Only time I went to strip club. She was a hot, Indian girl with alcohol issues. Um nope! I am a jealous guy and the fact the strippers have to mingle with the crowd between sets...hell to the no.... I would dot some guys eye and she would loose her job.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> This wasn't *my* comment ie "I think many women out there have more regular sex with their husbands than what they’d care to do simply to keep their husbands from leaving."
> 
> That was @Busy Washing My Hair comment.


Sorry... I don't know what happened there... but you are too quick, since I had fixed it...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> There's definitely a physical constricting of the vaginal canal that happens with the vocal and pelvic grind and twitching. TMI I know, sorry..😮
> 
> The vaginal canal constricting is very noticeable to fingers and appendages when W orgasms. Super strong ones feel like chinese finger trap cycling a few times.
> Sorry again for TMI but wanted to highlight the inner and outer signs.


That's the question, can any woman replicate the same changes in their body the same way your trusted wife or long term partner does during an orgasm?

Enough to fake it as good as the real thing.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> That's the question, can any woman replicate the same changes in their body the same way your trusted wife or long term partner does during an orgasm?
> 
> Enough to fake it as good as the real thing.


That my friend is a question that's beyond my pay grade. It is the question for many for sure.

I'll say imho yes but instantly say I won't presume to have a credible answer because I'm not a woman. Best non answer I have 🙂🙂🤣🤣👍👍


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I think a woman can enjoy sex even if they don’t orgasm. Men don’t. Just another thing that makes the genders biologically and emotionally different. To try and understand it all is an epic waste of time and energy.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> I think a woman can enjoy sex even if they don’t orgasm. Men don’t. Just another thing that makes the genders biologically and emotionally different. To try and understand it all is an epic waste of time and energy.


I agree. My wife is that way and can go without while I don't want sex unless I orgasm. Thats what "blue balls" are all about.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> I think a woman can enjoy sex even if they don’t orgasm. Men don’t. Just another thing that makes the genders biologically and emotionally different. To try and understand it all is an epic waste of time and energy.


This is mostly my opinion. Well said!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

RebuildingMe said:


> I think a woman can enjoy sex even if they don’t orgasm. Men don’t. Just another thing that makes the genders biologically and emotionally different. To try and understand it all is an epic waste of time and energy.


I think that may go back to the biological imperative to reproduce. A woman can get pregnant without a female orgasm. A woman can't get pregnant without a male orgasm.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

samyeagar said:


> I think that may go back to the biological imperative to reproduce. A woman can get pregnant without a female orgasm. A woman can't get pregnant without a male orgasm.


Makes sense. I think there are so many differences, yet we are human. I’ve learned to just try to figure out what I need to know as I go along. I used to question myself if my exs couldn’t get there. I no longer do. I give her the time she needs and she’ll let me know if she’s close or not. Most times she’s close and I just step it up a gear. If not, I throttle back and take myself home at my pace. No harm, no foul.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I wonder, how often do men initiate sex just because they want the intimacy, fun, or whatever it is they get out of it other than an orgasm with their partners but they don’t really feel like having an orgasm and don’t care if they do or not? Are there men here who do that? If so, please enlighten me.


I do. I enjoy the intimacy and act of sex and pleasuring my wife. I am also a man that has strong emotion along with the physical intimacy. It is not about the orgasm but the journey there. If I orgasm, it is a bonus. If it does not happen, I do not care. It upsets my wife a bit, as she feels like it is her. 

I get great pleasure from giving my wife a full body rubdown with the Avocado oil. To give her pleasure damn near to the point of orgasm makes me very 😁. She says I have magic hands....yes ma'am you are welcome.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

RebuildingMe said:


> I think a woman can enjoy sex even if they don’t orgasm. Men don’t. Just another thing that makes the genders biologically and emotionally different. To try and understand it all is an epic waste of time and energy.


That is wrong, I enjoy sex with wife, even if I do not orgasm.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> I think a woman can enjoy sex even if they don’t orgasm. Men don’t. Just another thing that makes the genders biologically and emotionally different. To try and understand it all is an epic waste of time and energy.


Hahahaha. I don’t understand how any woman enjoys sex without orgasm, unless they get a lot out of it emotionally. I think maybe women are conditioned to accept that we should “enjoy” sex and not always orgasm. Not me, buddy. Physically it’s just not all that amazing without an orgasm. If I’m not going to orgasm I rather just have a massage where I can lay there and do absolutely no work at all, expend 0 energy, and experience far greater physical pleasure. I’m not talking a sexy oiled up massage intended to be loving and intimate and romantic. Just a regular old massage or even a back scratch feels better than sex without an orgasm.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Hahahaha. I don’t understand how any woman enjoys sex without orgasm, unless they get a lot out of it emotionally. I think maybe women are conditioned to accept that we should “enjoy” sex and not always orgasm. Not me, buddy. Physically it’s just not all that amazing without an orgasm. If I’m not going to orgasm I rather just have a massage where I can lay there and do absolutely no work at all, expend 0 energy, and experience far greater physical pleasure. I’m not talking a sexy oiled up massage intended to be loving and intimate and romantic. Just a regular old massage or even a back scratch feels better than sex without an orgasm.


I have to agree with you there. I am not into sex if I am not going to orgasm.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Hahahaha. I don’t understand how any woman enjoys sex without orgasm, unless they get a lot out of it emotionally. I think maybe women are conditioned to accept that we should “enjoy” sex and not always orgasm. Not me, buddy. Physically it’s just not all that amazing without an orgasm. If I’m not going to orgasm I rather just have a massage where I can lay there and do absolutely no work at all, expend 0 energy, and experience far greater physical pleasure. I’m not talking a sexy oiled up massage intended to be loving and intimate and romantic. *Just a regular old massage or even a back scratch feels better than sex without an orgasm.*


Wow. That sounds...awful. I can't even imagine seeing sex like that.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> If I’m not going to orgasm I rather just have a massage where I can lay there and do absolutely no work at all, expend 0 energy, and experience far greater physical pleasure. I’m not talking a sexy oiled up massage intended to be loving and intimate and romantic. Just a regular old massage or even a back scratch feels better than sex without an orgasm.


You sound like a lazy lover. Keep thinking this way and you’re going to be an ex lazy lover.

Been with women that want to “expand 0 energy”. It’s not fun and eventually we move on.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I wonder, how often do men initiate sex just because they want the intimacy, fun, or whatever it is they get out of it other than an orgasm with their partners but they don’t really feel like having an orgasm and don’t care if they do or not? Are there men here who do that? If so, please enlighten me.


Sometimes I initiate and gladly spend an hour or more on my wife when I'm not in the mood for more or don't really care either way. Even if I'm open to more those times, I won't be disappointed if it doesn't happen. Making her feel good makes me happy. I'd do it more often if she was up for it. 

So yeah, there are men who do that.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

bobert said:


> Sometimes I initiate and gladly spend an hour or more on my wife when I'm not in the mood for more or don't really care either way. Even if I'm open to more those times, I won't be disappointed if it doesn't happen. Making her feel good makes me happy. I'd do it more often if she was up for it.
> 
> So yeah, there are men who do that.


I don't initiate when not in the mood, but will do my duty if she's been a good girl, or during her red weeks, orgasms relieves cramps.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Enigma32 said:


> Wow. That sounds...awful. I can't even imagine seeing sex like that.


I'm not sure if it's even a matter of me seeing sex like that. It's simply how I experience it. For me, the best part about sex is the orgasm. I don't get too much else out of it, emotionally or physically. If I know I'm probably not going to have an orgasm, I would rather not waste the time and energy on sex and instead do something that brings me more pleasure than an orgasm-less sex session. As far as physical pleasure goes, I feel a lot more pleasant physical sensation from something like a massage or even just a good back scratch than I do from intercourse prior to the orgasm.



RebuildingMe said:


> You sound like a lazy lover. Keep thinking this way and you’re going to be an ex lazy lover.
> 
> Been with women that want to “expand 0 energy”. It’s not fun and eventually we move on.


I don't think I'm lazy when I'm actually engaged in sex. I definitely don't just lay there and expect somebody else to do all the work. I usually do quite a bit during sex. I just dislike all of the work involved in sex, both mental and physical, because it generally does not give me much personal reward. There are other activities that I find far more pleasureable than sex and require far less effort on my part.



bobert said:


> Sometimes I initiate and gladly spend an hour or more on my wife when I'm not in the mood for more or don't really care either way. Even if I'm open to more those times, I won't be disappointed if it doesn't happen. Making her feel good makes me happy. I'd do it more often if she was up for it.
> 
> So yeah, there are men who do that.


Oh I don't doubt there are men like you out there. I just think the number of men who routinely go into sex or claim to be perfectly happy and enjoy sex sans orgasm are probably far fewer than women.

And hour or more though? Yikes! I can't imagine having anything sexual done to me for an hour. If it goes more than 15 minutes it starts to feel like absolute torture to me.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

I just think it's funny that men here are saying their wives are perfectly fine or even enjoy sex without an orgasm on a regular basis. I have to wonder if the wives really feel that way or if they just tell the husbands that so they won't feel so bad and/or because women have been conditioned to be okay with not having a orgasms a majority of the time. I don't doubt that there are actually women (and men) who can and do enjoy sex that doesn't involve an orgasm, but to me I just can't understand it. I also get the feeling that men physically experience sex in a different way than women do, in general. I think the average man probably does orgasm the majority of the time he has sex. Can he understand what it's really like to be a woman who may only have an orgasm 50%, 20%, or 0% of the time during partnered sex? And these women are supposed to want and provide sex at the same rate as the man who is getting off probably >95% of the time during their sexual encounters? Hmmm.

Oh and I get it that sex is about much more than just the physical aspect, for many people at least. However, if I'm not going to orgasm a majority of the time and I'm not going to feel an astounding amount of any other sort of physical pleasure from it then I can think of other things to do with my partner to make me feel emotonally connected to them without having to go though the trouble of sex. For me, sex without an orgasm for both parties is generally pointless and a huge disappointment.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I just think it's funny that men here are saying their wives are perfectly fine or even enjoy sex without an orgasm on a regular basis. I have to wonder if the wives really feel that way or if they just tell the husbands that so they won't feel so bad and/or because women have been conditioned to be okay with not having a orgasms a majority of the time. I don't doubt that there are actually women (and men) who can and do enjoy sex that doesn't involve an orgasm, but to me I just can't understand it. I also get the feeling that men physically experience sex in a different way than women do, in general. I think the average man probably does orgasm the majority of the time he has sex. Can he understand what it's really like to be a woman who may only have an orgasm 50%, 20%, or 0% of the time during partnered sex? And these women are supposed to want and provide sex at the same rate as the man who is getting off probably >95% of the time during their sexual encounters? Hmmm.
> 
> Oh and I get it that sex is about much more than just the physical aspect, for many people at least. However, if I'm not going to orgasm a majority of the time and I'm not going to feel an astounding amount of any other sort of physical pleasure from it then I can think of other things to do with my partner to make me feel emotonally connected to them without having to go though the trouble of sex. For me, sex without an orgasm for both parties is generally pointless and a huge disappointment.


I need to orgasm for sex to be fulfilling. However, I’m not responsible for her orgasm. That’s on her. I no longer feel badly if she doesn’t get there. We communicate. I know what she likes. It’s just not going to happen every time.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

I think any man who admits to needing an orgasm for sex to be fulfilling but believes his wife or women in general enjoy sex perfectly fine without having an orgasm a good chunk of the time is just laughable. 

I'd feel strange if I was having an orgasm >95% of the time and my husband was having one maybe only 50% of the time or less, unless he had some sort of documented health issue. I wouldn't believe him if he claimed to enjoy it just as much as I did. I'd think he was just telling me that because he was being nice and didn't want me to feel bad or because in this alternative universe we're talking about men had been conditioned to just accept that this is the way it was and they just wouldn't orgasm a good chunk of the time during partnered sex.

There are dead bedrooms caused by both men and women, but arguable you hear about it a lot more where the woman is refusing sex or has lost interest. I wonder if men might understand more if they were expected to enjoy having sex where their partner orgasmed on a regular basis and they might be lucky to get off 20% of the time, especially if their partner says things like "I'm not responsible for her orgasm" and "I no longer feel badly if she doesn't get there." Now if that's happening only on the rare occasion that might be one thing, but it's that's the regular experience for her that is very sad. I have an orgasm almost every time because I make sure that I do. If I only had an orgasm a minority of the times I had sex I'd definitely never ever do it and I'd just stick to solo adventures with the vibrator.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I think any man who admits to needing an orgasm for sex to be fulfilling but believes his wife or women in general enjoy sex perfectly fine without having an orgasm a good chunk of the time is just laughable.
> 
> I'd feel strange if I was having an orgasm >95% of the time and my husband was having one maybe only 50% of the time or less, unless he had some sort of documented health issue. I wouldn't believe him if he claimed to enjoy it just as much as I did. I'd think he was just telling me that because he was being nice and didn't want me to feel bad or because in this alternative universe we're talking about men had been conditioned to just accept that this is the way it was and they just wouldn't orgasm a good chunk of the time during partnered sex.
> 
> There are dead bedrooms caused by both men and women, but arguable you hear about it a lot more where the woman is refusing sex or has lost interest. I wonder if men might understand more if they were expected to enjoy having sex where their partner orgasmed on a regular basis and they might be lucky to get off 20% of the time, especially if their partner says things like "I'm not responsible for her orgasm" and "I no longer feel badly if she doesn't get there." Now if that's happening only on the rare occasion that might be one thing, but it's that's the regular experience for her that is very sad. I have an orgasm almost every time because I make sure that I do. If I only had an orgasm a minority of the times I had sex I'd definitely never ever do it and I'd just stick to solo adventures with the vibrator.


As much as some people might not like what is being said here, I think it's pretty accurate. I think that for the most part, ladies who say they enjoy sex without the orgasm are just saying that to placate their men. Either that, or they are so used to not being able to orgasm that they really don't know any better. 

With all that said, as a man, maybe this is wrong but I'm really only going to put so much work into getting a woman off regularly. For the most part, ladies just need to show up and her man can get off. If it requires a ton of work, and instruction manual, and some additional objects to please her...I'm out.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm a woman so I don't have to ask 😀
> 
> Orgasm + bad sex < taking care of myself 😅


Maybe I've only ever had bad sex then then. TMI but I've never had sex with a man who made me extremely horny, wet, or to the point of throbbing down there because I wanted him so bad. I've had fantasies that make me feel that way so I know what that physical sexual desire feels like in that sense, but I've never felt that way about any man I've been with. I wonder if the physical pleasure seems much greater as a woman when you're with a man who causes that type of physical arousal, and maybe that is my problem. I've never been with a man who made me physically or emotionally aroused, and if they have it's probably been on the scale of 5 out of 100. I've never had a partnered sex experience (orgasm or not) that was better than me taking care of myself. When I take care of myself, I get myself very worked up physically and mentally before hand, in a way no man has ever been able to do. They have tried but nothing ever works and I actually can't even stand most foreplay. I find it awkward and cringeworthy and I'm already dying to just get to the finish line. I'd take masturbating over partnered sex every time. The orgasms are much better (stronger, longer) on my own and require absolutely no work and no concern for another person.

Anyway, to the point of this thread, I don't believe in faking orgasms. I believe in being honest about whether you have one or not and I believe in being honest about whether that's a dealbreaker during sex for you. I would never tell a man that I was perfectly fine without regularly having an orgasm during sex because that would just be a complete lie.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I just think it's funny that men here are saying their wives are perfectly fine or even enjoy sex without an orgasm on a regular basis. I have to wonder if the wives really feel that way or if they just tell the husbands that so they won't feel so bad and/or because women have been conditioned to be okay with not having a orgasms a majority of the time. *I don't doubt that there are actually women (and men) who can and do enjoy sex that doesn't involve an orgasm, but to me I just can't understand it.* I also get the feeling that men physically experience sex in a different way than women do, in general. I think the average man probably does orgasm the majority of the time he has sex. Can he understand what it's really like to be a woman who may only have an orgasm 50%, 20%, or 0% of the time during partnered sex? And these women are supposed to want and provide sex at the same rate as the man who is getting off probably >95% of the time during their sexual encounters? Hmmm.
> 
> Oh and I get it that sex is about much more than just the physical aspect, for many people at least. However, if I'm not going to orgasm a majority of the time and I'm not going to feel an astounding amount of any other sort of physical pleasure from it then I can think of other things to do with my partner to make me feel emotonally connected to them without having to go though the trouble of sex. For me, sex without an orgasm for both parties is generally pointless and a huge disappointment.


Yeah to each their own, for me that translates as 'leaving them hanging' 🤷‍♂️


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Hahahaha. I don’t understand how any woman enjoys sex without orgasm, unless they get a lot out of it emotionally. *I think maybe women are conditioned to accept that we should “enjoy” sex and not always orgasm.* Not me, buddy. Physically it’s just not all that amazing without an orgasm. If I’m not going to orgasm I rather just have a massage where I can lay there and do absolutely no work at all, expend 0 energy, and experience far greater physical pleasure. I’m not talking a sexy oiled up massage intended to be loving and intimate and romantic. Just a regular old massage or even a back scratch feels better than sex without an orgasm.


I just want to point out to you again, that you are making your attitudes and beliefs with sex about being a woman, and you are just flatly wrong. 

I am a woman in her early 50s, and I am the absolute opposite from you with almost everything you feel and think. When I read your attitudes and thoughts and feelings about sex, I don't understand them at all. I don't judge you for them as wrong or bad, but as another WOMAN, I cannot relate to you at all.

So please stop making blanket statements about how women must feel, because you are wrong. Women who love sex for more than just orgasms haven't been "conditioned" to accept not having them...they are just different than YOU are, and get more out of sex in a different way than you do.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I think the average man probably does orgasm the majority of the time he has sex. Can he understand what it's really like to be a woman who may only have an orgasm 50%, 20%, or 0% of the time during partnered sex? *And these women are supposed to want and provide sex at the same rate as the man who is getting off probably >95% of the time during their sexual encounters?* Hmmm.


If they expect to be in a monogamous relationship with another person who wants regular sex, YES they ARE.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I'd take masturbating over partnered sex every time. The orgasms are much better (stronger, longer) on my own and require absolutely no work and no concern for another person.


So where is the problem? You know what pleases you and that partnered sex doesn't do it for you, that foreplay is cringeworthy and awkward. Every person on this planet is different, like no two snowflakes are alike. Where is it written that every person must crave partnered sex/ Any number of possible "causes" all of which have been mentioned at least once in this thread. You have no desire to explore any of them. Maybe you are just trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. What would be wrong with just accepting who and how you are?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I think any man who admits to needing an orgasm for sex to be fulfilling but believes his wife or women in general enjoy sex perfectly fine without having an orgasm a good chunk of the time is just laughable.
> 
> I'd feel strange if I was having an orgasm >95% of the time and my husband was having one maybe only 50% of the time or less, unless he had some sort of documented health issue. I wouldn't believe him if he claimed to enjoy it just as much as I did. I'd think he was just telling me that because he was being nice and didn't want me to feel bad or because in this alternative universe we're talking about men had been conditioned to just accept that this is the way it was and they just wouldn't orgasm a good chunk of the time during partnered sex.
> 
> There are dead bedrooms caused by both men and women, but arguable you hear about it a lot more where the woman is refusing sex or has lost interest. I wonder if men might understand more if they were expected to enjoy having sex where their partner orgasmed on a regular basis and they might be lucky to get off 20% of the time, especially if their partner says things like "I'm not responsible for her orgasm" and "I no longer feel badly if she doesn't get there." Now if that's happening only on the rare occasion that might be one thing, but it's that's the regular experience for her that is very sad. I have an orgasm almost every time because I make sure that I do. If I only had an orgasm a minority of the times I had sex I'd definitely never ever do it and I'd just stick to solo adventures with the vibrator.


Again, we COMMUNICATE. We talk about it. I know when she’s not going to get there. Sometimes she close and flips me over and jumps on top. We are very open with each other sexually. There is no need to fake anything when it comes to sex in our relationship.

Sometimes she doesn’t get the because her kids are around, or mine are. Sometimes she just has things on her mind or is stressed. Sometimes she just wants my fingers to get off. Sometimes she uses her fingers to get off. It’s all different.

Your views on sex and your expectations and past experiences is just sad. I wouldn’t want that in a partner. I hope things improve for you and your husband!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

And what I meant by her orgasm is not my responsibility is this:
I know what she wants. I do everything to get her there before me. It’s just going to happen every time. I don’t feel badly about myself if she doesn’t. Usually, her not getting there every time has nothing to do with me anyway. I don’t worry about what I can’t control. I’ve done that in the past with my ex wife and I’ve learned to stop doing that to myself.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> And hour or more though? Yikes! I can't imagine having anything sexual done to me for an hour. If it goes more than 15 minutes it starts to feel like absolute torture to me.


And that's fine, that's you. Everyone is different. She takes a long time to relax and have her body cooperate, so 15 minutes or less would do nothing for her. 

If we're going to have PIV, most of the time I finish first then go back. Most people don't seem to do it that way but that's what is most enjoyable for her so who cares? 

What matters is that you and your partner are happy, that's it. What everyone else does behind closed doors is irrelevant.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

I quit caring if she does or does not have big O


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

@RandomDude, if I understand correctly the point of your thread is that if a woman doesn't orgasm you will decide the two of you are sexually incompatible and stop seeing her. Is that correct? You want to be sure she isn't faking so you can decide if you want to keep seeing her?


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> I just want to point out to you again, that you are making your attitudes and beliefs with sex about being a woman, and you are just flatly wrong.
> 
> I am a woman in her early 50s, and I am the absolute opposite from you with almost everything you feel and think. When I read your attitudes and thoughts and feelings about sex, I don't understand them at all. I don't judge you for them as wrong or bad, but as another WOMAN, I cannot relate to you at all.
> 
> So please stop making blanket statements about how women must feel, because you are wrong. Women who love sex for more than just orgasms haven't been "conditioned" to accept not having them...they are just different than YOU are, and get more out of sex in a different way than you do.


Nowhere did I say “all women.” I think women in general are conditioned to expect that they may not have an orgasm a lot of the time with partnered sex and that it’s ok and they should still want and enjoy sex as much as their male partner who is orgasming the majority of the time. I’m speaking in general, not for every woman. 

I don’t think men have been at all conditioned to expect to enjoy sex with no orgasm. This is in part because it’s generally much easier for men to orgasm during partnered/traditional PIV sex where it takes a lot more effort for many women (as evidenced by some posts in this thread). 

However, I think the thought that any parent, man or woman, who is having orgasms during sex regularly and has a partner (man or woman) who does not and thinks their partner is having as equally of an amazing physical experience is just delusional. It just so happens that it’s women who are generally have orgasms far less frequently than their male partners (again, evidenced in this thread and many other places across the internet).


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

bobert said:


> And that's fine, that's you. Everyone is different. She takes a long time to relax and have her body cooperate, so 15 minutes or less would do nothing for her.
> 
> If we're going to have PIV, most of the time I finish first then go back. Most people don't seem to do it that way but that's what is most enjoyable for her so who cares?
> 
> What matters is that you and your partner are happy, that's it. What everyone else does behind closed doors is irrelevant.


Oh I know. I’m not saying whatever works for anyone else is wrong. I’m simply stating that an hour plus long session sounds like a nightmare to me and I cannot imagine that but in no way am I saying your wife must or should feel the same way I do about it. She obviously enjoys it and I’m not judging her or you for that.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Nowhere did I say “all women.” I think women in general are conditioned to expect that they may not have an orgasm a lot of the time with partnered sex and that it’s ok and they should still want and enjoy sex as much as their male partner who is orgasming the majority of the time. I’m speaking in general, not for every woman.
> 
> I don’t think men have been at all conditioned to expect to enjoy sex with no orgasm. This is in part because it’s generally much easier for men to orgasm during partnered/traditional PIV sex where it takes a lot more effort for many women (as evidenced by some posts in this thread).
> 
> However, I think the thought that any parent, man or woman, who is having orgasms during sex regularly and has a partner (man or woman) who does not and thinks their partner is having as equally of an amazing physical experience is just delusional. It just so happens that it’s women who are generally have orgasms far less frequently than their male partners (again, evidenced in this thread and many other places across the internet).


Is a woman responsible for her own orgasm when having sex with her partner?
Or do you believe her partner is responsible to get her there?


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> If they expect to be in a monogamous relationship with another person who wants regular sex, YES they ARE.


Terrible.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> @RandomDude, if I understand correctly the point of your thread is that if a woman doesn't orgasm you will decide the two of you are sexually incompatible and stop seeing her. Is that correct? You want to be sure she isn't faking so you can decide if you want to keep seeing her?


More curious really, not decisive.

Besides I think she just likes sex. 

Think I'll wait until the red weeks if she uses me for cramp relief, more a tell tale sign no?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Terrible.


Yes, if you are stuck in a monogamous relationship with someone who refuses to have sex, it IS terrible.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> However, I think the thought that any parent, man or woman, who is having orgasms during sex regularly and has a partner (man or woman) who does not and thinks their partner is having as equally of an amazing physical experience is just delusional.


This IS you speaking for all women. Even when women tell you that they don't need to orgasm every time, you tell them that they are wrong. Like you know them better than they know themselves.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> More curious really, not decisive.
> 
> Besides I think she just likes sex.
> 
> Think I'll wait until the red weeks if she uses me for cramp relief, more a tell tale sign no?


I keep hearing about this, people really have sex during their period? That is so icky to me. But I mean, whatever, but I don't exactly feel sexy during that time.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> Think I'll wait until the red weeks if she uses me for cramp relief, more a tell tale sign no?


She may have no desire to have sex while on her period. That has nothing to do with you. My wife gets so sore down there at that time that sex is definitely not happening. (Not that I really want it to anyway, though I would if she wanted to)


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I keep hearing about this, people really have sex during their period? That is so icky to me. But I mean, whatever, but I don't exactly feel sexy during that time.


Some yes, ex wife demanded it no matter the stench and mess I had to endure. Ex fiancee was more understanding in that regard, it doesn't have to be sex or involve penetration during it either, I just used my hands to relieve her. It's easier to achieve O using my hands than PIV.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

bobert said:


> She may have no desire to have sex while on her period. That has nothing to do with you. My wife gets so sore down there at that time that sex is definitely not happening.


Yes, she may not, we will see.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> Yes, she may not, we will see.


Just don't go assuming it has anything to do with you...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

bobert said:


> Just don't go assuming it has anything to do with you...


Definitely not lol it is icky


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> I just want to point out to you again, that you are making your attitudes and beliefs with sex about being a woman, and you are just flatly wrong.
> 
> I am a woman in her early 50s, and I am the absolute opposite from you with almost everything you feel and think. When I read your attitudes and thoughts and feelings about sex, I don't understand them at all. I don't judge you for them as wrong or bad, but as another WOMAN, I cannot relate to you at all.
> 
> So please stop making blanket statements about how women must feel, because you are wrong. Women who love sex for more than just orgasms haven't been "conditioned" to accept not having them...they are just different than YOU are, and get more out of sex in a different way than you do.


Thank you for this insight. I don’t think anyone who puts conditions or expects certain responses on another person is engaging in sex for healthy reasons.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> Yes, she may not, we will see.


She could also be on a birth control that stops her from getting her period.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Terrible.





LisaDiane said:


> Yes, if you are stuck in a monogamous relationship with someone who refuses to have sex, it IS terrible.


I dunno, a monogamous relationship with duty sex is also quite terrible. Love can carry you through it, but its not enough.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Some yes, ex wife demanded it no matter the stench and mess I had to endure. Ex fiancee was more understanding in that regard, it doesn't have to be sex or involve penetration during it either, I just used my hands to relieve her. It's easier to achieve O using my hands than PIV.


Yikes. My H and I are a "no" on that. He was trying to be nice when I brought it up, I could tell how gross he thought it was. Just wondering, sorry for the t/j.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> I dunno, a monogamous relationship with duty sex is also quite terrible. Love can carry you through it, but its not enough.


Nothing but duty sex would be terrible. The occasional time is something you do for someone you love, but all the time? There's something deeply wrong outside the bedroom if that is happening, IMO.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Is a woman responsible for her own orgasm when having sex with her partner?
> Or do you believe her partner is responsible to get her there?


I believe a woman is partially responsible for her own orgasm during partnered sex. I think the same is true for men and woman. Everyone is partially responsible for their own orgasm but their partner plays a role too. To me, if each partner isn’t doing things in an effort to give the other a great orgasm, a great deal of the whole reason for sex is gone. 

We’ll talk just about a woman here but I think the same goes for either person. A woman needs to communicate with her partner about what she likes and doesn’t like. She needs to participate in the sex. If she has trouble orgasming and her partner offers to try different things such as toys to assist her but she refuses to use the toys (there was a recent post about that on this site, even), then that is on her and she’s not really doing her part. The partner cannot really be blamed if the woman doesn’t communicate, doesn’t participate, or won’t even try new things that could help. 

I think if she is doing all of those things and the partner is listening and trying and for some reason she still cannot get there, then again the partner cannot really be blamed at all because they’re doing all they can. I think for that partner who, lets say is easily having an orgasm most of the time, to expect the woman who is not having an orgasm to be enjoying sex each time as much as he is and to crave it as much as he is, well, that doesn’t make sense to me. Again, for those who DO crave sex equally whether they orgasm or not, I’m obviously not speaking for you. I’m disappointed if I don’t have an orgasm. It’s a big let down. I don’t blame my husband because he does do everything I ask. Luckily I am able to orgasm almost every time so that isn’t really a concern to me personally. If I could no longer orgasm for some reason it would definitely be a big concern and I’d probably make an official vow of celibacy at that point so nobody would expect anything from me moving forward.

Also think it’s important to note that there’s a big difference between somebody who just doesn’t have an orgasm on occasion and somebody who for whatever reason doesn’t have an orgasm at least 50% or more of the time during partnered sex. I can understand being ok with no orgasm every now and then, but to be somebody who doesn’t have an orgasm over half of the time…well, I don’t understand how somebody like that ever desires sex at all and if they do, I don’t understand how they could possibly be enjoying it as much as if they were having that same sec (quality wise) but also getting an orgasm out of it. I would grow resentful of my partner if they were getting good sex and a good orgasm with me every time and I was not getting the orgasm too.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

bobert said:


> What matters is that you and your partner are happy, that's it. What everyone else does behind closed doors is irrelevant.


But they are obviously NOT happy. At least OP isn’t. Her husband? Who knows?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yikes. My H and I are a "no" on that. He was trying to be nice when I brought it up, I could tell how gross he thought it was. Just wondering, sorry for the t/j.


It is but some women's periods are really intense and she struggles to function, there was one specific brand I use to get for her I forgot it now but many times she needed both.

Anyway will still waiting for red week with current girl.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> Yes, if you are stuck in a monogamous relationship with someone who refuses to have sex, it IS terrible.


I think it’s terrible to expect somebody who doesn’t regularly have an orgasm during partnered sex to have as strong or frequent of a desire for partnered sex or at least for the partner who orgasms every time to not understand why the non-orgasming partner might have a much lower desire than they do.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I believe a woman is partially responsible for her own orgasm during partnered sex. I think the same is true for men and woman. Everyone is partially responsible for their own orgasm but their partner plays a role too. To me, if each partner isn’t doing things in an effort to give the other a great orgasm, a great deal of the whole reason for sex is gone.
> 
> We’ll talk just about a woman here but I think the same goes for either person. A woman needs to communicate with her partner about what she likes and doesn’t like. She needs to participate in the sex. If she has trouble orgasming and her partner offers to try different things such as toys to assist her but she refuses to use the toys (there was a recent post about that on this site, even), then that is on her and she’s not really doing her part. The partner cannot really be blamed if the woman doesn’t communicate, doesn’t participate, or won’t even try new things that could help.
> 
> ...


I believe that's a good answer no doubt. Most applicable are the first and last paragraphs, with good context in the middle.

With consistent approach this is a good structure for good sex with a partner. Add in imaginative situations and adventurous spirits time to time or everytime as desired and Bob's your uncle!


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

LisaDiane said:


> Yes, if you are stuck in a monogamous relationship with someone who refuses to have sex, it IS terrible.


She doesn’t refuse to have sex. She just doesn’t see the point to sex with a guy if it’s so much easier to get an orgasm on her own.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> It is but some women's periods are really intense and she struggles to function, there was one specific brand I use to get for her I forgot it now but many times she needed both.
> 
> Anyway will still waiting for red week with current girl.


I like to tell my husband it's like that hallway in The Shining. The look on his face as he tries not to hurl is HILARIOUS. 😂 But we've been married a long time and tease each other a lot. It's all in good fun. 

Back to your regularly scheduled thread.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I think it’s terrible to expect somebody who doesn’t regularly have an orgasm during partnered sex to have as strong or frequent of a desire for partnered sex or at least for the partner who orgasms every time to not understand why the non-orgasming partner might have a much lower desire than they do.


I get that. Although the word "terrible" seems a little over-dramatic to me. But if that's how they feel, they shouldn't expect the higher desire partner to give up sex just to meet their needs if they aren't willing to meet their partner's needs.
What is terrible is to be trapped in a sex-starved relationship when you love sex and have a need for physical intimacy.

What I notice is that you have alot of rationalizations and justifications for your very self-centered beliefs...but that still only makes them YOUR beliefs.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I think it’s terrible to expect somebody who doesn’t regularly have an orgasm during partnered sex to have as strong or frequent of a desire for partnered sex or at least for the partner who orgasms every time to not understand why the non-orgasming partner might have a much lower desire than they do.


I'm not sold there is a correlation between ease of orgasm and sex drive. 

I usually have no issues finishing easily, but my sex drive usually isn't very high. At times it's been pretty darn low. 

My wife faked it for years until she learned to communicate, and our frequency was all over the map from daily to nada. Nowadays I could get her there almost 100% of the time if she'd let me, and her drive is still all over the place. 

It depends on everything else going on in life, not ease of orgasm. At least for two people on this planet of ours.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> She doesn’t refuse to have sex. She just doesn’t see the point to sex with a guy if it’s so much easier to get an orgasm on her own.


I wasn't directing that at HER personally, only at her comment about what was terrible.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> She doesn’t refuse to have sex. She just doesn’t see the point to sex with a guy if it’s so much easier to get an orgasm on her own.


If hubby ever walks into the bedouir and there's a clamp holder still attached to the foot board maybe he should bring some new accessories to add to their repertoire during partnered sex.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

LisaDiane said:


> I get that. Although the word "terrible" seems a little over-dramatic to me. But if that's how they feel, they shouldn't expect the higher desire partner to give up sex just to meet their needs if they aren't willing to meet their partner's needs.
> What is terrible is to be trapped in a sex-starved relationship when you love sex and have a need for physical intimacy.
> 
> What I notice is that you have alot of rationalizations and justifications for your very self-centered beliefs...but that still only makes them YOUR beliefs.


I'm not sure if I would call it self centred, I believe @Busy Washing My Hair should be more honest with herself on what she wants if anything based on her thread.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

bobert said:


> I'm not sold there is a correlation between ease of orgasm and sex drive.
> 
> I usually have no issues finishing easily, but my sex drive usually isn't very high. At times it's been pretty darn low.
> 
> ...


I think it’s probably like most other things in the world - everyone has their own feelings and experiences.

I don’t know if east/frequency of orgasm affects the biological aspect of a person’s sex drive. I think for some people it could play into their overall satisfaction with partnered sex. If they aren’t having an orgasm a good chunk of the time, their overall satisfaction with partnered sex might be much lower than somebody who does have great orgasms. This could possibly lead to an overall reduction in desire. Or whereas somebody who is having great sex and great orgasms most times thinks sex is the greatest thing ever, somebody who is having great sex without orgasm might think sex is really good but not the greatest thing ever that they necessarily want to do every single day. Also, for somebody who orgasms easily sex may be more enjoyable than for somebody who does want to orgasm but requires a lot of time and effort to get there. Again, these are only my thoughts and I’m not claiming to speak for all people or even anyone else than just myself.

I know for me I faked it when I was very young. You know I’m not a huge fan of sex to begin with but once I did realize how to have an orgasm during partnered sex it definitely improved the whole experience for me ten fold.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

LisaDiane said:


> I wasn't directing that at HER personally, only at her comment about what was terrible.


@Busy Washing My Hair is pretty consistent and represents the potential result of your premise. The lack of even an emotional connection to sex, ever, is interesting and, to a guy, likely emasculating. At least she’s completely honest about it with her husband.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> @Busy Washing My Hair is pretty consistent and represents the potential result of your premise. The lack of even an emotional connection to sex, ever, is interesting and, to a guy, likely emasculating. At least she’s completely honest about it with her husband.


I understand that but I believe she is trying to convince herself that it’s normal and other women should feel the same as her. Also, if she can get herself off, why can’t that be communicated to her husband so he can do that for her? Seems to me she has an issue with her husband and would rather go solo. What if the roles were reversed? Man gets himself off to porn all the time and ignores his wife. He’d be crucified on TAM.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> I understand that but I believe she is trying to convince herself that it’s normal and other women should feel the same as her. Also, if she can get herself off, why can’t that be communicated to her husband so he can do that for her? Seems to me she has an issue with her husband and would rather go solo. *What if the roles were reversed?* Man gets himself off to porn all the time and ignores his wife. He’d be crucified on TAM.


This brought up a good point. 
See the bolded.
If a guy says he'd rather wank it regurlarly than have partnered sex because his W just distracts him during trying to orgasm, he'd be drawn and quartered on TAM!

(Is this a double standard?)


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> This brought up a good point.
> See the bolded.
> If a guy says he'd rather wank it regurlarly than have partnered sex because his W just distracts him during trying to orgasm, he'd be drawn and quartered on TAM!
> 
> (Is this a double standard?)


Feel free to add it to the other thread!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> Feel free to add it to the other thread!


I believe I will! 😉


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> I understand that but I believe she is trying to convince herself that it’s normal and other women should feel the same as her. Also, if she can get herself off, why can’t that be communicated to her husband so he can do that for her? Seems to me she has an issue with her husband and would rather go solo. What if the roles were reversed? Man gets himself off to porn all the time and ignores his wife. He’d be crucified on TAM.


I do orgasm during sex almost every time. Not because of anything my husband does though. I find it easier to orgasm when I’m solo.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If hubby ever walks into the bedouir and there's a clamp holder still attached to the foot board maybe he should bring some new accessories to add to their repertoire during partnered sex.


We have tried a variety of accessories during partnered sex and there are some that are used every time so that I’m almost guaranteed to have an orgasm. Some accessories have done nothing for us but we’ve tried them. Without those accessories I do not orgasm (oral sex or any sort of finger work by either him or myself doesn’t work for me).


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

I wonder if a greater majority of men have sexual desire that is based more heavily on the biological physical urge to stick their penis in a hole and ejaculate while a greater majority of women have sexual desire on an emotional level to feel connected to their partner and on a biological level to accept his semen.

Regardless, if orgasm isn’t one of the main goals of a sexual experience I simply cannot understand why somebody would choose getting naked and sticking body parts in holes and licking each other’s genitals is the best way to feel close and connected to that person. It’s easy to whip out a toy and cum in 5 minutes (or even less for me).

Studies show that on a base level, while many sex acts are “gross” (like a man licking a woman’s vagina or sticking his penis into her butt hole or a woman swallowing her husband’s semen), arousal totally overrides any sort of feelings of disgust and your brain just doesn’t see any of it as disgusting at all, quite the opposite. So if somebody is not aroused at all by their partner or by partnered sex, it is now wonder that they would in fact find most sex acts gross and even turn offs. I think the level of control that arousal and horniness has on humans is very interesting and comical. People act like fools over sex, all to stick their hard members in slimy wet holes and moan and look like idiots until they finally squirt some nasty fluid out. But it makes them feel so connected to their partner 🙄

I realize this is now becoming very OT so I‘ll be done now.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I wonder if a greater majority of men have sexual desire that is based more heavily on the biological physical urge to stick their penis in a hole and ejaculate while a greater majority of women have sexual desire on an emotional level to feel connected to their partner and on a biological level to accept his semen.
> 
> Regardless, if orgasm isn’t one of the main goals of a sexual experience I simply cannot understand why somebody would choose getting naked and sticking body parts in holes and licking each other’s genitals is the best way to feel close and connected to that person. It’s easy to whip out a toy and cum in 5 minutes (or even less for me).
> 
> ...


That is such a warped way of looking at it. In the heat of the moment, who cares what you look like? No one is watching. Just let go and have fun. You continue to find reasons for not wanting to have sex with your husband. I’ll say it again, it’s sad and I feel badly for him that he married someone with your views and outlook.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I wonder if a greater majority of men have sexual desire that is based more heavily on the biological physical urge to stick their penis in a hole and ejaculate while a greater majority of women have sexual desire on an emotional level to feel connected to their partner and on a biological level to accept his semen.
> 
> Regardless, if orgasm isn’t one of the main goals of a sexual experience I simply cannot understand why somebody would choose getting naked and sticking body parts in holes and licking each other’s genitals is the best way to feel close and connected to that person. It’s easy to whip out a toy and cum in 5 minutes (or even less for me).
> 
> ...


Why don't you copy this to your thread, that way you will get some replies and can have a discussion about it.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> That is such a warped way of looking at it. In the heat of the moment, who cares what you look like? No one is watching. Just let go and have fun. You continue to find reasons for not wanting to have sex with your husband. I’ll say it again, it’s sad and I feel badly for him that he married someone with your views and outlook.


It may be because I don’t ever get aroused to the point of really feeling what most people do “in the heat of the moment.” I feel no heat!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I just think it's funny that men here are saying their wives are perfectly fine or even enjoy sex without an orgasm on a regular basis. I have to wonder if the wives really feel that way or if they just tell the husbands that so they won't feel so bad and/or because women have been conditioned to be okay with not having a orgasms a majority of the time. I don't doubt that there are actually women (and men) who can and do enjoy sex that doesn't involve an orgasm, but to me I just can't understand it. I also get the feeling that men physically experience sex in a different way than women do, in general. I think the average man probably does orgasm the majority of the time he has sex. Can he understand what it's really like to be a woman who may only have an orgasm 50%, 20%, or 0% of the time during partnered sex? And these women are supposed to want and provide sex at the same rate as the man who is getting off probably >95% of the time during their sexual encounters? Hmmm.
> 
> Oh and I get it that sex is about much more than just the physical aspect, for many people at least. However, if I'm not going to orgasm a majority of the time and I'm not going to feel an astounding amount of any other sort of physical pleasure from it then I can think of other things to do with my partner to make me feel emotonally connected to them without having to go though the trouble of sex. For me, sex without an orgasm for both parties is generally pointless and a huge disappointment.


But the bad point is, what if the partner feels emotionally connected through the physical intimacy...as many men are. The "other things" don't do anything emotionally bonding for them.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Divinely Favored said:


> But the bad point is, what if the partner feels emotionally connected through the physical intimacy...as many men are. The "other things" don't do anything emotionally bonding for them.


I have copied my post into my thread “I’m a wife who doesn’t care about sex” if anyone wants to discuss further where it won’t be detailing this thread. I’m going to put my response to your post in my thread instead.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> Does it matter? 🤔🤣🤣🤣🤣 J/K


No, to those who debarked, set sail.

To those left stranded, marooned without a send off, yes.


The Typist-


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Welcome to my world. 😉


Ah, so sorry for this feeling.

May the hunt for a better man be successful! 🙏


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yes it can be faked.


@RandomDude man, you know this is the only answer. It's just one of those things. You've just got to lean into it!

Hey, my only thought if ever or when, or has, or might, or whatever, is that if a ltr spouse puts so much effort into being convincing, (and one KNOWS that her real, true and mind blowing orgasms do consistently happen anyway) then I only applaud her efforts and know she cares enough to be so convincing I couldn't tell.

That's love!!

A little tongue in cheek, but we'll never know...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Look for that flush face, nipples gotten hard, breasts too sensitive to touch.

Add in, those toes of hers curling.

That requires a checklist, one employed at the most inopportune time!


Gwendolyn-


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I keep hearing about this, people really have sex during their period? That is so icky to me. But I mean, whatever, but I don't exactly feel sexy during that time.


Yep. People sometimes even have anal sex. I'll take blood over feces for $200 Alex.

Talking trickle not a gusher. lol Lay down a thick towel, get in shower after. Wife was so glad to get her hysterectomy, never again!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I wonder if a greater majority of men have sexual desire that is based more heavily on the biological physical urge to stick their penis in a hole and ejaculate while a greater majority of women have sexual desire on an emotional level to feel connected to their partner and on a biological level to accept his semen.
> 
> Regardless, if orgasm isn’t one of the main goals of a sexual experience I simply cannot understand why somebody would choose getting naked and sticking body parts in holes and licking each other’s genitals is the best way to feel close and connected to that person. It’s easy to whip out a toy and cum in 5 minutes (or even less for me).
> 
> ...


Some of your comments make me think you may be on the Spectrum.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> Yep. People sometimes even have anal sex. I'll take blood over feces for $200 Alex.


With period sex you're pretty much guaranteed to make a mess. Even with my wife's very light/24 hours of spotting I have pulled out with blood on me. I can't imagine doing it with a heavier flow (tempted to insert Mean Girls quote here...). 

I have yet to ever taste poop or find it on my fingers or **** 🤷🏻‍♂️


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Divinely Favored said:


> Some of your comments make me think you may be on the Spectrum.


Fair enough. I’m not, as far as I’m aware. I’m starting to realize that I’m pretty sure all of my sexual experiences have simply been with men that I liked (well, most of them) and in some cases felt love for but for whom I never had a great deal of sexual attraction. I do know what it feels like to be intensely physically attracted to somebody but every person I’ve ever felt that way about had been unattainable, either because they were in relationships, a random stranger, a celebrity, or in most cases somebody I didn’t even encounter in life until after I was married. There’s no guarantee that I’d love sex with them but I’m assuming the sexual experience would probably be much different for me.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Divinely Favored said:


> Yep. People sometimes even have anal sex.* I'll take blood over feces for $200 Alex.*
> 
> Talking trickle not a gusher. lol Lay down a thick towel, get in shower after. Wife was so glad to get her hysterectomy, never again!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Fair enough. I’m not, as far as I’m aware. I’m starting to realize that I’m pretty sure all of my sexual experiences have simply been with men that I liked (well, most of them) and in some cases felt love for but for whom I never had a great deal of sexual attraction. I do know what it feels like to be intensely physically attracted to somebody but every person I’ve ever felt that way about had been unattainable, either because they were in relationships, a random stranger, a celebrity, or in most cases somebody I didn’t even encounter in life until after I was married. There’s no guarantee that I’d love sex with them but I’m assuming the sexual experience would probably be much different for me.


It is, but you have to find a good partner for it too. My physical triggers are very straight forward, I can filter people out in apps to select from within my parameters. My sexual triggers are flirtation/teases/suggestions/long legs, it's my sole sexual trigger. Bouncing boobies for example are a bonus but having it alone is like dessert without the main course, I won't feel full.

A woman can have long legs but doesn't know how to flirt/tease with me and the attraction will be minor, like with ex-wife when she demanded sex, that wasn't very sexy for me. I also found that I haven't changed, when out dating as well, but there was one woman with such strong mental chemistry the romantic attraction was there and I felt over time the flirting/teasing can develop. But that didn't work out either. We weren't intimate but I bet if we were it still wouldn't be enough.

Also, the sexual attraction is independent, so if a woman flirts and teases with me while we are having a big argument after a while I may just bend her over and resolve the issue with some hard ramming. I also noticed I rarely had that with my ex. Now I found someone who flirts/teases/suggests and has her long legs and I'm satisfied sexually, just not in other areas. It's hard to find someone who can forfill all your desires, for me it's become a priority to ensure I am sexually attracted to my future partner because of one main reason; guilt. But there are no guarantees, I may end up alone as well. I hope not, I'm still searching. Just have to decide what is important for you, and you alone, and make your life decisions accordingly.

Anyway off topic, just wanted to respond to your post.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> It is, but you have to find a good partner for it too. My physical triggers are very straight forward, I can filter people out in apps to select from within my parameters. My sexual triggers are flirtation/teases/suggestions/long legs, it's my sole sexual trigger. Bouncing boobies for example are a bonus but having it alone is like dessert without the main course, I won't feel full.
> 
> A woman can have long legs but doesn't know how to flirt/tease with me and the attraction will be minor, like with ex-wife when she demanded sex, that wasn't very sexy for me. I also found that I haven't changed, when out dating as well, but there was one woman with such strong mental chemistry the romantic attraction was there and I felt over time the flirting/teasing can develop. But that didn't work out either. We weren't intimate but I bet if we were it still wouldn't be enough.
> 
> ...


While I can’t say I’m exactly the same way, what you say here makes sense to me and I can at least understand it. I think we have some similarities; however, I don’t think my sexual triggers are as clear to me and/or limited as yours. Limited sounds negative, but I just mean such a narrow spectrum of what really does it for me? I can’t pinpoint specifically what My absolutely requirements are like you can.

All I know is that you and I definitely can’t solve each other’s problems if we do each end up alone because I’m definitely not tall with long legs 🤣 I have the bouncing boobies part down.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> While I can’t say I’m exactly the same way, what you say here makes sense to me and I can at least understand it. I think we have some similarities; however, I don’t think my sexual triggers are as clear to me and/or limited as yours. Limited sounds negative, but I just mean such a narrow spectrum of what really does it for me? I can’t pinpoint specifically what My absolutely requirements are like you can.


You will find it MUCH easier in that case. With a wider pool to choose from you are more likely to find what you are looking for.

Self-awareness is not always immediate or an overnight thing, take some time to reflect and learn about yourself 
Who knows, maybe it's something so easy that even your husband can fix and walla, happily ever after without all the complications of divorce and what not.



> All I know is that you and I definitely can’t solve each other’s problems if we do each end up alone because I’m definitely not tall with long legs 🤣 I have the bouncing boobies part down.


Lol I'm likely not your type either 😅


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## Rooster Cogburn (9 mo ago)

Divinely Favored said:


> Some of your comments make me think you may be on the Spectrum.


That's because she is.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> You will find it MUCH easier in that case. With a wider pool to choose from you are more likely to find what you are looking for.
> 
> Self-awareness is not always immediate or an overnight thing, take some time to reflect and learn about yourself
> Who knows, maybe it's something so easy that even your husband can fix and walla, happily ever after without all the complications of divorce and what not.
> ...


She might be a tall person of Asian ethnicity. Who knows. Edited to add: well, tall enough anyway. She did say she doesn't consider herself tall.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Rooster Cogburn said:


> That's because she is.


She said she didnt think so


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Rooster Cogburn said:


> That's because she is.


Sure, why not?


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## jenniferwright (6 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> Let's discuss fake orgasms. Many women do it right? I don't trust the woman I'm seeing right now. A woman can fake orgasms by moaning/arching her back/etc etc. Has anyone ever faked leg spasms though? Can leg spasms happen without orgasm? Curious  What can you trust?


 Most guys just care about getting themselves off, women are more complicated sometimes, respect that and comply IMO! Fake it until you make it, I’ll just get off after you leave like most men do these days, no commitment or real goal relationship. BOB can be a great reliever to the stress of your partner not relieving you.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> While I can’t say I’m exactly the same way, what you say here makes sense to me and I can at least understand it. I think we have some similarities; however, I don’t think my sexual triggers are as clear to me and/or limited as yours. Limited sounds negative, but I just mean such a narrow spectrum of what really does it for me? I can’t pinpoint specifically what My absolutely requirements are like you can.
> 
> All I know is that you and I definitely can’t solve each other’s problems if we do each end up alone because I’m definitely not tall with long legs 🤣 I have the bouncing boobies part down.


Here's a totally new and probably controversial approach to try.

With only an intentional concern for your own sexual needs, and that's ok here, and necessary for this test, try this:

With ignoring his every word just grab H and use him wildly as a masturbation accessory in every and all ways you want, loudly, vocally, and paying his questions or concerns no mind at all. 
Use him along with any toys you want intentionally solely for you to have a great time and orgasm. 

Afterwards if no changes in the relationship to your satisfaction, that experience may just help your future decisions. 

Do it for just for your future peace of mind, then you can look back and know you tried even the out of ordinary for you two and tried all you could before any next hard decisions.


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