# Does your STBX hate you?



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I didn't want to hijack the other thread about Hating your STBX with this question, so I'm starting this thread to ask if any of your EX despise or hate you? I know a lot of our Exes blame the us for a lot of stuff, but do they Hate you?


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

No, I don't think mine hates me. Quite the contrary. He knows he is responsible for what he did, just not truly sorry, just kinda sorry. But he's a full blown narcissist, so he does care about me, just not in a healthy way, or more than himself.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Im pretty sure he doesn't hate me. The night he left he said he knows I'll find someone who will make me happier than he did. The more time passes I think he would like me to find someone so he can clear his conscience & his kids would accept his ow then because mommy has someone. In his little mind it will all fall into place for him. Nice thread to start 4.5. We need more of these to make us think & discuss!!


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## andrea2828 (Jun 28, 2012)

I don't think he does. I know he gets very angry with me. But i know ive been a good wife and he has no reason to hate me. We have fought more since we separated than in 11 years of relationship. I think my situation is similar to small steps. He has a girlfriend and wants to think that everything will be ok if I find someone else. Then what he's doing will be worth it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I feel like I'm the only one here that has a cheating Ex that hates me. In fact, I believe he wants me dead just by his actions the last couple of months.

I've been a great wife and mother and gave him what he wanted. I think it's a control thing for him. I'm finally standing up for myself.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm sure your ex isn't the only one. Cheaters don't having their parade rained on. Ignore him.

My ex said he fully understood why I wanted out and that he accepted full responsibility. Time and distance has allowed me to forgive him.


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

Left With 4.5 said:


> I feel like I'm the only one here that has a cheating Ex that hates me. In fact, I believe he wants me dead just by his actions the last couple of months.
> 
> I've been a great wife and mother and gave him what he wanted. I think it's a control thing for him. I'm finally standing up for myself.


He sounds controlling, and if he is and you are finally standing up for yourself then he will get angry since he feels he is losing his control over you and cannot stand it.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

My Ex doesn't want me to find someone else. Wants me to be alone.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm sure he doesn't. But it doesn't matter what he wants now does it?


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

Left With 4.5 said:


> My Ex doesn't want me to find someone else. Wants me to be alone.


Yep, sounds like he wants you to be as miserable as he is, even if he seems happy with his decision. Sorry he's being so venemous towards you. That definitely doesn't help


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

You're right. It doesn't matter at all.


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

Openminded said:


> I'm sure he doesn't. But it doesn't matter what he wants now does it?


Exactly this. I am going through this process right now of doing what makes me happy, and to hell with what he cares about it. We have to do these things to make ourselves feel better even if it is just a little bit. It helps us to regain our sanity and slowly but surely start feeling more whole again.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

No, and most of the time I don't hate him lol


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## LivingAgain (Jun 12, 2013)

To be honest, I have no idea whether my STBX hates me. We do not speak, only communicate via email about kid and house issues. Most of his responses are one word or sentence.

Fine by me. The less communication I have with him, the better.

I am working on my "hate" issue...and have realized that it's more anger than anything...have had some revelations in the last 24 hours.

I can say I am sure he believes I hate him.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I have to agree with NeverMore - hes a control freak - even though he has an ow he still wants to control you & the kids. Think about what I'm saying - by dragging you through this new court process what has he effectively done? You haven't been able to settle into something permanent for you & the kids. He doesn't want you to move on because he is miserable on the inside and in his small mind if hes not happy you cant be happy. Don't let him bother you and don't let his misery impede your happiness!!


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Left With 4.5 said:


> I feel like I'm the only one here that has a cheating Ex that hates me. In fact, I believe he wants me dead just by his actions the last couple of months.
> 
> I've been a great wife and mother and gave him what he wanted. I think it's a control thing for him. I'm finally standing up for myself.



It is typical that the venomous controlling cheater hates you. Crazy, I think, but seems to be a pattern for most of the cheaters (men or women) that they spew venom and accusations, do everything to try to make your life miserable..selfish indeed, narcissistic possibly, mean certainly.

The quicker you shift to making sure you are able to financially, physically and emotionally care for yourself and the kids..the better you shall be. Caring whether he hates you or not is moot/a waste of time. People show or tell you who they are, you need to recognize it and believe it (Oprah paraphrase, but true) and act on it


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## hank_rea (Mar 13, 2013)

I don't think my ex wife hates me, but she doesn't think enough of me to give me another chance. It's my own fault, though. Instead of letting her have her space after we separated (like I've been told EVERYWHERE to do) I constantly harassed her with questions, accusations, demands, apologies, etc. I didn't give her a second to breathe. I have finally gotten to the point where I see all of that effort I put into trying to convince her to take me back was wasted. And I see why. Some people just have to go through things to understand. Just reading it isn't enough for me. Unfortunately, I may have done irreparable damage to our relationship. She probably thinks I'm a complete psycho now.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Yes, mine hates me.


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## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

Not sure if mine hates me. She has her "freedom" now and has been dating a guy for the last 7 months...she only sees him twice a month. She can not look me in the eyes, demands that all communication is done via text or email. When she found out I was dating too she would not respond to texts or emails, to the point where I had to talk to a lawyer and draft a "nice" email. She still lives with her parents and will be moving out by the end of thr month, after 18 months. She has no money, owes about $20K in doctors bills...telling me how hard life is (well, she asked for it). I on the other hand am going out, enjoying life, excercising, making new friends, have a new better job...I think she might be jelaous...it's not turning out the way she imagined and I assume it's all my fault. Hate? Maybe...I only feel pity for her. For making so many mistakes...no hate, only anger sometimes...like when I have to drop the kids off and they start crying because the do not want to go back to her house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

Does my STBXH hate me?

No, I don't think so- he's clearly jealous of my new relationship, simply because of the total universal approval from old mutual friends and new friends who I've made over the last 4 months who saw me through the rough times and saw that two people who've know each other for 18 odd years can take a friendship to a new level.

He craves my friendship does my ex- guilt, self promotion (well if Phil is happy it must be good), whilst I'm getting to the point now of sheer pity for the idiot. It's not working out the way he planned, he's stuck with a 22 year old who lets face it, doesn't have a clue about the gay world (let alone the very small gay scene in Plymouth), a 22 year old who works part time at best and is paid to be a barman at my STBXH pub. He's stuck with little more than a bedsit by all accounts and has to stay the night with OM (Princess Poison) and by all accounts has more in common with OM's Mother (given she's closer to his age than OM).

Whilst I'm looking to move towards a new job in the department where I work on £35,000 rather than £17,000. I have a NM and looking to go to Thailand on holiday for my 40th next year with NM to stay in a friends house for 3 weeks!

Actually if I was my materialist STBXH- I'll be looking like he does. Haggered and miserable wearing T shirts I didn't want and charity shop jeans with no belt.

Still- that's what happens when you turn 40 and try to turn back the clock. 

In the UK we had a gameshow called "Bullseye". If you didn't win the big prize- the saying always was..

"Look at what you could have Won"

I'm not a speedboat or a new car- but STBXH is starting to see what he could have won if he'd fought rather than having the affair fog.

And I'm so much happier now it's untrue.


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## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

Mine hates me. She proved it by ganging up on me with her OM when I confronted them. Now she is begging me to come home, but not because she loves me but because she can't pay the bills without me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> I have to agree with NeverMore - hes a control freak - even though he has an ow he still wants to control you & the kids. Think about what I'm saying - by dragging you through this new court process what has he effectively done? You haven't been able to settle into something permanent for you & the kids. He doesn't want you to move on because he is miserable on the inside and in his small mind if hes not happy you cant be happy. Don't let him bother you and don't let his misery impede your happiness!!


You're right. I'm fine and I don't let his misery get to me. As long as the kids are under 18, he's not going to let me move on. I seriously think HE needs to let go as I already did with him.


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## arked (Mar 2, 2013)

4.5 I have been in the process of a divorce for 10 months. My STBXW didn't need a divorce to move in with a OM. I met a nice lady about a month ago who I dated a couple of times. STBXW found out about her and told her she didn't love me, or want me, but she was not going to allow any else to have me. New lady let me know she enjoyed being with me but she was not dealing with my x for one more second. I guess my STBX hates me.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Left With 4.5 said:


> You're right. I'm fine and I don't let his misery get to me. As long as the kids are under 18, he's not going to let me move on. I seriously HE needs to let go as I already did with him.


Yes he does & hopefully after this latest issue is solved he will. Just keep pushing forward - maybe he'll eventually get the hint.


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