# Setting goals



## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Hopefully this helps someone. This is my method for coping with the pain that comes with Dday.

In the beginning I allowed myself to grieve, but after some time I saw that I was simply grieving without need. I was prolonging the pain because I had allowed the rest of my life to go without focus. All of my focus was on the A my W and the OM. I needed to shift focus to get out of the hole I was digging myself into. 

The plan. I set some lofty goals, and a plan for each. The goals were all multi purpose and all in some way related to the A but things that would be good to focus on even if the A never happened.

My goals as an example. Yours may differ.
1. Completely out of debt. All debts including the house paid off.
10% done so far.
2. Do the 300 workout in under 20 minutes. I don't recommend attempting this unless you are in great shape.
At 26 minutes now.
3. Start my old hobbies back up. Remember the things I used to enjoy before getting married.
This one still hasn't been done. It's not forgotten though.
4. Complete new image. New clothes hair etc.
About 25% there. Still a lot to do.
5. Double my income. 
My income is already double the average for my area, so this goal requires a lot. I will need a functioning business. I'm getting my ducks in a row for it, and should see progress soon.

I work on all of these things as much as I can. The idea is simple. It gives me new focus. She has a better H if she stays, and if she cheats again it'll be that much easier to simply walk away. I remember the pain of dday all too well. I will never feel like that again. I hope this helps someone else the way it helped me.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

That's great!

I'm still in the bitter/angry/wannapunchyouinthefaceeverytimeiseeyou phase to want to make a detailed plan, but I am also working on clearing debt. Started wearing makeup and nail polish (not that I didn't before, but I didn't every day). Got quite a few looks last weekend at WalMart. It was after Church, so I'm sure it was because I was dressed way too fancy for that place, but still. It was nice to be noticed by other men. Reconnecting with friends from my media days in the hope that a job opportunity will arise. 

Small steps that will hopefully turn into large leaps


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

ScorchedEarth said:


> That's great!
> 
> I'm still in the bitter/angry/wannapunchyouinthefaceeverytimeiseeyou phase to want to make a detailed plan, but I am also working on clearing debt. Started wearing makeup and nail polish (not that I didn't before, but I didn't every day). Got quite a few looks last weekend at WalMart. It was after Church, so I'm sure it was because I was dressed way too fancy for that place, but still. It was nice to be noticed by other men. Reconnecting with friends from my media days in the hope that a job opportunity will arise.
> 
> Small steps that will hopefully turn into large leaps


I started at about 30 days in when I was very angry, or very depressed. I just knew I had to make progress. I'm glad you're starting to move forward.

It's really pushing yourself that causes you to take a break from thoughts of the A. 

Also guys don't pay much attention to a girl that's too fancy for Wally World unless they were going to look at her anyway...


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

Goals definitely can make a world of difference for recovery. I didn't spend a ton of time on grief and didnt have as structured a plan as yours but I did some of my own. Thus far it has helped me more than I ever thought and regardless of staying married or not I feel much more at peace with life.


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## patelaaw (Jul 8, 2013)

It was after Church, so I'm sure it was because I was dressed way too fancy for that place, but still.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

1. In my humble opinion, the first step is: refusing to be taunted by the hurt and anger. Remember, you are not the reason for their A.
2. I was not in debt, so I had no problem with it.
3. Started working out, and am staying in much better shape.
4. Listen to some vets in TAM. Because each case is different. In my case, I listened to LM.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

Exercise and motivational audio helped me... what didn't help me was trying too hard to keep things together instead of just accepting it.


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