# It's only day 3 but not a good one for me



## smarti36 (Aug 9, 2011)

My stbxh came by this morning to pick up our son. This is going to be alot harder than I thought. After all he as said and done to me I should not miss him. I have been crying all morning so far. I haven't cried since he left Tuesday. I guess it's hitting me now. I don't want to feel the pain. My heart is breaking and it sucks! 

Like everyone else this is part of letting go I guess. Life seems so hard and complicated. I am very early in the process so I better prepare for more days like today. I will just put a smile on my face and go with it. 

The crazy thing about all of this is how in the world am I not doing back flips now that he is gone? Why am I sad and feeling empty? Also, why do I have to love someone who does not love me back? I hate all of this!!!! I want to crawl in a hole for awhile. I have to stay strong for my kids. 

I hope the otherside of this gives me all the peace I am expecting.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I think I speak for everyone else on this board when I say that yes, you will find peace. We've all been through the same emotions you are going through and some of us, if not all of us, are still experiencing them. It does get better, but you have to give yourself time. You will notice that the tears don't come as often and you'll think of him less, you'll still think of him, but it won't consume your every thought. Keep posting here, these people are a great support.


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## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

I'm sorry for what you are going thru. Do you have any family or friends to talk to? Some support from others is huge. I know because I have none. As for why it's so hard? I don't know. Wife chose to leave. Said she doesn't love me or feel a connection anymore but it hit her hard too. She had to take some anti depressants and she broke down and cried a lot. Seems to me if anyone wouldn't have been so bothered by this, it would have been her. Makes me think that she does have some love for me.

Anyway things will get better. That's what I am told anyway.


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## smarti36 (Aug 9, 2011)

I don't have any family close but do have friends. I am getting together with a few of them tonight. I really don't want to go though. 

I am monitoring his text messages still and I probablly shouldn't! He is addictited to vicoden it looks like from the last few weeks of reading his text. So, he has our son who is 3yrs old. He has been trying to someone to get some pills ALL DAY. He has not been able to "score" yet. 

I am a flipping mess!!!! So, if he doesn't have them and is in a ****ty mood and probably not a good person for my son to be around. Now, if he goes and gets some I'm sure my son will be with him BUT he will be pleasant to be around I know it's only vicoden but it hurts!!! He is spending all of his money on them. 

My sadness is turning into hate! I am so angry!!!!!!


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## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

It has been 3 weeks now. The bad days don't happen continues now. I know I need to move on but I still dream that all that promises he made will come true and we will have a great life. I know after 6 years of broken promises that will not happen. 

Like you, even after everything I still love him and it still hurt. 

I call & text friends, they listen and it seems that when I say it out load to them I hear it different then when I say it in my head. After talking a little bit I realize I would tell anyone that told me this story to 'move on'. Just like my friends and family say to me. 

When it gets really bad I workout or take a walk. If I can't leave the house I call a friend to come sit with me and we get my mind off of things for a few minutes at a time. 

That helps but it still is so very hard. 

Hang in there. We will all get better together.


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