# Prostate Massage warning TMI potentially



## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

Ok I am somewhat embarrassed to admit even on an anamous forum. that I have an interest in this. It has been driven by the following factors: 

1) I have experienced enormous pleasure when I have a large, firm bowel movement. 
2) I have googled it and have found that many men find this to be quite pleasurable and some can orgasm from it. 

I have been reluctant to but, a suitable toy for this because perhaps I feel it had "gay" overtones. Also, my wife has been reluctant to do it with me. She seems to think, judged by her reaction that there is an "ICK" factor too it. Perhaps she to may feel it is something that only gay men do. 

Are there any men that have done this alone or with their W or S/O. 

If I do it alone I feel i am hiding something. Is this reasonable of fair to do. 

Why is common (at least for me) to consider this "gay"...I mean men don't feel this way about getting a BJ. 

As I/others have stated, many men are led to feel "is PIV not enough etc. 

Of the men that do this how do they do this alone or partnered. 


Appreciate thoughts on this.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Yes men have a prostate, and it can be included is various pleasurable forms of male sexuality both coupled and solo.

A prostate orgasm is inherently different from a traditional orgasm in that the prostate is capable to give men multiple orgasms. Nothing to be ashamed of, and keep in mind that the prostate stimulation can be accessed in many different ways. For anyone that wants to get familiar with the prostate, I'd recommend reading the following.

Aneros Main Page - Aneros Wiki

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

My husband LOVES it. Literally goes bat sh*t crazy when I do it. 

Not gay in the least, especially if it's coming from a woman.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

LosingHim said:


> My husband LOVES it. Literally goes bat sh*t crazy when I do it.
> 
> Not gay in the least, especially if it's coming from a woman.


Ditto!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

My DH also loves prostate stimulation. Nothing gay about it. If your wife is unwilling to use her hands or toys, I don't see anything wrong with you doing that on your own.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My wife is pretty closed off and judgemental about anything like this, so I'd never bring it up. But I don't see anything wrong with self service if she's not into it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

LosingHim said:


> My husband LOVES it. Literally goes bat sh*t crazy when I do it.


Next time, take it easy on him. When he came over to play video games the other day he was still all worked up into a frenzy!










...you know you really should not make him bat sh*t crazy and then let him out of the house. You might want to keep him tied up for about half an hour or so!

Badsanta


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

think positive said:


> I have been reluctant to but, a suitable toy for this because perhaps I feel it had "gay" overtones. Also, my wife has been reluctant to do it with me. She seems to think, judged by her reaction that there is an "ICK" factor too it. Perhaps she to may feel it is something that only gay men do.
> 
> Are there any men that have done this alone or with their W or S/O.
> 
> ...


I'm always smh when this "gay" thing comes up. *If you are aroused by the idea or fact of a woman doing X to you, then X is not, CANNOT be, intrinsically gay, by definition.* Yes, some gay men take it in the ass. They also give each other blowjobs, kiss, make eyes, hold hands, and buy each other dinner. Common element: TWO MEN TOGETHER. That's what makes it gay, not the activity. 

I think where this gets muddled is vulnerability: In some minds, a real red-blooded straight guy isn't ever supposed to be vulnerable or receptive, or lose control. You're supposed to be the one doing the fvcking, penetrating, manipulating etc, and making her lose it. She's either in a submissive/receptive position or you're at least driving her wild with pleasure (oral sex, cowgirl). 

With prostate stuff, massage or pegging, she's in charge, invading you AND driving you crazy. I think some guys conflate that loss of control with taking a "feminized" position, and by extension, with homosexuality. So much of our coarse transactional language reinforces this by making receptivity the province of losers: "I got screwed in my divorce." "God, the A's sure took it in the ass last night--they really got pounded!" Fvck a woman in the ass, and no one asks if you're gay; you just get whistles and high fives.

All of these hangups can be helped by research and discussion. You will continue to see that this activity is popular with a lot of straight men for a variety of reasons, but mostly because it just feels incredible. Also, she should be absolutely clear on why this works for you specifically--and know that it isn't some latent homoerotic fantasy where you're imagining a male partner in her place, that you haven't suddently "lost interest" in PIV or the other things you do, etc. 

If you have a pattern of dominance during sex that she welcomes, then you need to maintain that dynamic in addition to bringing new activities to the table, so that she does not lose this constructive perception of you. Expanding the menu is one thing, but going from full-on dominant to full-on submissive in her mind will probably distress her and alter the way she views you. 

I'd also suggest using non-realistic toys if you use them solo or together: since you aren't imagining a guy's d1ck, you probably don't want or need a replica of one. There are a lot of great abstract toys that "fill the Bill". If you move on to pegging, don't cheap out on the harness, and try the double toys...more interactive. 

As for solo activity, you'll be the best judge of what works size and method-wise, and the best communicator/teacher IF you are informed by sufficient solo experience. You'll also learn how to manage hygiene and logistics before putting yourself in a situation where a mess could embarrass or become awkward.


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> My DH also loves prostate stimulation. Nothing gay about it. If your wife is unwilling to use her hands or toys, I don't see anything wrong with you doing that on your own.


That would seem very difficult. Yeah t might be a turn on but I also feel that I would not look at my most attractive to her - helpless with her finger up my ass
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

I have taken a different approach to prostate stimulation. I recently got into c0ck stuffing using medical grade sounds (urethral dialators). I'll have my wife insert a sound all the way in until it contacts my prostate. Then she can either move it around or hold a vibrator against the sound. I can have multiple orgasms with voluminous ejaculations this way without involving my anus. It feels great!


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

First off, congrats in growing emotional maturity and being more comfortable with your own body. I share the same issue you have with your wife as I do mine. I don't know if your wife's problem are the same but mine is so uncomfortable with her own sexuality and thinks I should be too. 

I didn't intentionally hide it from my wife I just never brought it up with her. If she asked I would tell her but she only cares about her own sexuality so I just leave it at that. 

Next, the only thing that makes you gay is if you have sex with other men. The stupid argument that so many people believe is "well gay guys do anal so you must be gay". Gay guys hug and kiss does that make me gay too? Grow the f' up! (not you OP but those people who say that)

I had an Aneros at one point and it was ok. My wife was not interested in using it with me so it was all solo for me. The model I had was very rigid silicon. They have a bunch of models now. I could see where it could be used like a medical device for prostate massage. I didn't get much sexual pleasure from it. I did get the relaxing feeling but never an orgasm or any leaking. It developed a small nick on the end which would cut me inside so I had to throw it away. I wouldn't order another model like that for pleasure use.

That said, I am very interested in more anal play on me. Wish I could get my wife onboard for her to do things to my ass but she is not comfortable with that. I'm researching now a similar type toy for myself as the Aneros but something softer that has a little give to it. There is one that has a inside part made of soft silicon and and outside part that presses against the perineum and has a vibrating bullet attached to it. It's only $17 so I might give it a shot. The other thing I am interested in is one of the Hitachi Magic Wand attachments. I got the Wand for my wife and she loves it but I see there are attachments for it that guys could use.

I would be interested to hear if any other guys have tried toys that worked. There are a lot of reviews on Amazon spoiled by reviewers who are paid to write reviews. 

Good luck on your journey and enjoy!


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## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

Thanks for all of your collective feedback. 

It is really interesting the way that sexual norms have progressed. I recognize fully that anal play or the desire to do so is not correlated to sexual orientation. I find it interesting that we accept bisexuality with women. It could be said that some husbands actually, encourage it or at the very least like it. The same is totally NOT true with men. I mean in all honesty i think more women would be totally turned off if they found out if a man has real bi-urges or even curiousity. It would seem that I am digressing to even include this in the tread but, clearly homophobia (for men anyway) is alive and well. I would venture to say there are more closeted bi men than women. I mean heck there are even men who have sex with other men and regard themselves to be straight. 

Committed Guy, 

I am not sure if anal toys are overrated for commercial purposes by the makers. This would be good to know. It would be interesting to know if any of the guys here have tried everything and get pleasure but, not necessarily arousal/release from it. 

The hitachi thing scares me. I once put it on my limp shaft and I was hard then Oed in like a few minutes and the experience was actually not that pleasurable because the vibration for me overshadowed the sensations and left me numb. I have also used it as a "warm up" and afterwords was very desinsitised. I had read somewhere that it takes some time and practice to understand what works but, some have reported it worth it.


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## confued10883 (Mar 31, 2016)

So I see this is not a hot off the press post however I am wondering....my s/o had asked me to do this with him and I did. Not something I would have thought of doing and it does not bring me pleasure however he wants me to do it all the time as a matter of fact, this is the only kind of sex we have been having lately. He constantly wants me to dominate him but I am left without, I am left high and dry and he rolls over saying good night and I love you and to sleep. How can I make the point that I need to be pleasured too without ruining it for him?


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

confued10883 said:


> So I see this is not a hot off the press post however I am wondering....my s/o had asked me to do this with him and I did. Not something I would have thought of doing and it does not bring me pleasure however he wants me to do it all the time as a matter of fact, this is the only kind of sex we have been having lately. He constantly wants me to dominate him but I am left without, I am left high and dry and he rolls over saying good night and I love you and to sleep. How can I make the point that I need to be pleasured too without ruining it for him?


Well, if he wants you to dominate him then tell him you're calling the shots and his first order of business is getting you off. Maybe if he does a good job, he'll get what he wants. >

That's only a partial solution if you aren't comfortable being in charge the whole time, and especially if seeing him submissive will change your view of him for the worse. Maybe you need him to throw his weight around sometimes as well to spark your attraction and passion. If that's the case, you need to talk openly about the various dynamics and the need for balance.


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## confued10883 (Mar 31, 2016)

So there are some underlying factors here I guess that are upsetting to me, so our relationship is fairly new and almost a year ago I found him "sexting" our friends wife. I was hurt, devistated,shocked and felt betrayed more so because I found out by looking in his phone, yes I should not have been in his phone, but my intuition told me something was going on considering he had been acting strange. He denied all accusations until I admitted to going in his phone. Now I CONSTANTLY think he's talking to other women or cheating. I get jealous almost angry when I come home and find that he was masturbating to the point I stopped buying him lotion. The other day I went into his "office" in our house and was snooping like I shouldn't have been and found a blow up doll....this coupled with everything else I am again angry saddened and upset. How do I approach him about this stuff without making him turn it on me saying I shouldn't be going through his stuff? Sorry for the detailed message


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

confued10883 said:


> So there are some underlying factors here I guess that are upsetting to me, so our relationship is fairly new and almost a year ago I found him "sexting" our friends wife. I was hurt, devistated,shocked and felt betrayed more so because I found out by looking in his phone, yes I should not have been in his phone, but my intuition told me something was going on considering he had been acting strange. He denied all accusations until I admitted to going in his phone. Now I CONSTANTLY think he's talking to other women or cheating. I get jealous almost angry when I come home and find that he was masturbating to the point I stopped buying him lotion. The other day I went into his "office" in our house and was snooping like I shouldn't have been and found a blow up doll....this coupled with everything else I am again angry saddened and upset. How do I approach him about this stuff without making him turn it on me saying I shouldn't be going through his stuff? Sorry for the detailed message



You have some serious issues with your relationship to work out. But it should be go forward in this thread. Make your own thread in the "Coping with infidelity" section and you will get a great deal of advice on how to respond to what you have found. And boy do you need this advice.


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## confued10883 (Mar 31, 2016)

Thanks but u tried that instead of people being considerate about my situation they just asked what was wrong with him and why I think he's so great. Maybe me not wanting to deal with the realization of what i need to but the question was not what do I do but how do I approach him


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

Okay. First of all, prostate stimulation is the male equivalent of the female G-spot. Really. There is nothing "gay" about it. Nothing! It's physiology.

Typically, women who do this will insert a finger during sex and stroke the prostate gland before/when he is having an orgasm. It heightens the sensation for him etc.

To answer the question of the last poster, I am no sex therapist but I would treat it just like any other sexual situation where he is getting all the benefit (eg, just blowjobs and nothing else) and you need to let him know that it's a two-way street.

Edit: While I was posting, the previous poster added 2 more posts. Yes, I agree she needs to move her issues to a new thread. And good luck with it.


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## mustangsally (Aug 20, 2014)

All this talk about gay or not gay confuses the he'll out of me. Who cares? Does it feel good? Do you and your partner enjoy yourselves? Then who cares if it might be considered gay? Unless you're having a Roman orgy in the middle of the street it's nobodies business.


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## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

I don't know why I associate this with the gay thing as I hear what you all are saying. My wife seemed to have been reluctant to do this but, thought she may be on board but, made it clear she thought it was strange. She recently closed the door on this saying she thought it was gross. 

I have been wanting to do this and not sure if the mechanics of it can really be done alone.


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