# Long story but womans point of view desperately wanted



## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

Ok so here is my story, my wife and I have been together almost 13 years married almost 10, we had our ups and downs along the road then last summer she told me she wanted to split up and start seeing other people. Well obviously I wasnt happy I was very upset but what can I do she saw several different men I saw a couple women but I wasnt over her so I couldnt enjoy it. So heres where things get interesting we got to the point we talked about who we were seeing even exchanging pics of the others dates. I knew she met this guy off Plenty of fish so me being me I looked him up, I went as far as making a fake female profile used some blonde bimbos pics on there and made contact with him. Well it turned out the guy was like most a perv sent me **** pics right away for one, then kept talking sex and sex. So I got him to talk about my wife to me and he said alot of things about her even that they had sex twice which she denies and I believe her, so I kept probing and probing and sure enough he even sent me pictures of my wife that she had sent him. Most were just posing face pics but one in particular that bugged me was her bent over our bed in front of a mirror with her ass in the mirror and her face also in the pic. I had some family look the guy up he had a couple domestic abuse charges that he had hit her on different occasions, he had stalking charges and injury to a child to where he hit his child when he was in an altercation with his ex wife even. So not only was this guy a perv, but a wife beater and in my eyes saw my wife as nothing more than a piece of ass. So I wanted to stop the relationship I couldnt tell her she would get mad so I put my wifes pic she sent him of her and her ass on craigslist under rant and rave wrote her name in the heading and acted like the woman who he had been talking to saying she needs to stay away. I wrote my wife a text asking why her ass was on craigslist she saw was embarrased I erased it saying I flagged it for removal, all that day I posted several other posts on craigslist about her posing as this woman, one in particular was about her stomach which she is insecure about shes had 3 kids. Anyway I eventually as this woman start talking with my wife on google chat and keep talking to the guy too as her as well this continued on several weeks my wife told me all about this and showed me some of the chats they exchanged. Basically all my chats to my wife as this woman were about not seeing this guy hes bad news I then told her I was his ex and he hit me. So my wife was really really stressed over the situation like bad but I didnt stop it. Then my wife asked me to dinner one night we went out she showed me texts her and the woman exchanged she was stressed after dinner we talked in the car for a while I offered to go home and give her a massage which we did and also ended up having sex. So for the next while things got better between us I would come up regularly she still talked to the other guy too and me as the woman. Finally she started thinking it was me and I got backed into the corner and fessed up but instead of being totally mad she was relieved, so we kept seeing each other more frequently until finally I moved back into the house. Things got better as time went on, I learned from our break up that I loved her more than I ever thought or showed her I had a whole new appreciation for her and love for her and I wanted to show her. I bought her flowers and gifts on the regular basis which I never did before, I told her every day how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. I felt happier than ever and it seemed she was too our sex life was better than ever everything was great. Once in a while she was moody and brought up what I did posing as that woman saying it bothered her, but never to the point of breaking up. Well last week she tells me she loves me but not IN LOVE, so as we talk more about what the problem is she brings what I did up. She says she cant fully trust me cant fully give me her heart because of what I did and she just cant get past it, its been 9 months and she seemed happy most of the time. So heres what the point of this is we both want to see what non biased opinions are of this situation she feels like she stuck up for me to her parents who saw those craigslist posts they thought it was me and also that she cant give her heart to a man who would do that. We have 3 kids we own a house and I dont want to lose her and I know I am not gonna do that again I had more issues than a broken marriage at the time I also came out at the time all that happened about being molested as a kid by my middle school teacher and that had bugged me and took a major tole on our sex life, since then sex has been so much better but last summer I was in a bad mind with that and my marriage I just felt it time to let it all out as to what my issues were. So people what do you think??? I wanna save our marriage she doesnt know she says she is 99% sure shes moving out after our son is done with school and wants her space not divorce just space. She doesnt wanna see anyone else but just wants space and possibly a fresh start with someone else. Please be honest dont hold back


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## AFwifey (Apr 26, 2013)

You both should definitely look into marriage counseling. If there's any hope left in either of you that would be a great start. Also something I like to recommend to people dealing with relationship issues is getting and watching the movie Fireproof. You both have to watch it TOGETHER. Open and honest conversation is key.


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

Thank you I will look into that movie, I have brought up counseling but she doesnt want to. She says she is unable to trust me with her heart after that even though its been a long time since that happened.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

That was pretty crappy of you. You admittedly saw other people during this 'break', but to play on her, humiliate her intentionally (yeah she sent the guy the pic but HE didn't post it Craigslist) was cruel and deceitful.

If you two have any hope of building trust you need to go to MC, be completely transparent to each other in all things and vow to NEVER violate her trust that way again. Even then I'd be wary if I were her.


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## QuestioningMyMarriage (Apr 3, 2013)

1. You need IC for being molested.

2. I think it's creepy and weird that you posed as someone else online to befriend your wife. You were already separated at that time, right? You had no right to interfere with her life. Pretending to be someone else and interfering in my life would be a deal-breaker for me.

3. Please make some paragraphs. Your post was tough to read without any spaces.


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## QuestioningMyMarriage (Apr 3, 2013)

4. Posting her name and pics on CL was WAY over the line. Another deal-breaker for me.


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

Yes it was crappy of me, I admit it most of that time was a blur to be honest not trying to make excuses but I did alot of growing at that time I came out about my child molestation issues which no one knew and other issues in me. Now I am alot happier person and our relationship seemed to be good, better than before as far as us together and our sexual relationship. Yes its ****ty I told her I woult tell her parents it was me I have no problem doing that her main issue is she says she cant trust me with her heart


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## AFwifey (Apr 26, 2013)

You are really going to have to work to get her trust back. Along with that movie there is a book called the Love Dare which you should get also. The movie also mentions and uses the book.


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

I admit I am a piece of crap period end of story I cant excuse what I did period end of story. Just want a womans point of view is all she wants to see these too


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

Truth be told I think I was overdueing it as far as making things up and trying to make her happy. I would get flowers, gifts on a regular basis alot more than before and I wanted to spend all the seconds I could with her. I think I smothered her now and over did it, if we work things out I now know what needs to be done. I do appreciate the comments good and bad honestly


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## Tamra65 (Apr 25, 2013)

What do we think?

This story involves too much drama and tackiness and lack of class and integrity...it's got the words SOAP OPERA written all over it.

I agree with the previous poster, drop the games, do the hard work - work on it with a third party trained in helping couples save their relationships. Leave the others out of it.

T


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

I agree tamra I was in a bad place all.I can say wasn't thinking clearly that whole month was a blur
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sunshine Cadillac (Apr 30, 2013)

If your wife is reading this I think she is being very unfair and immature, yes what you did was wrong but it made your relationship better even though she has trust issues. Some people cheat, some people lie and all sorts of other things. 

She should really be open to MC if that doesnt help then maybe she needs space, but VOWs are VOWs and in better or worse and I guess her heart ache and inability to trust you is part of the worse that can happen in a marriage. Dont get married and take vows if you are not prepared to honor them as you have promised your families and God. Thats my opinion, you asked not to hold back. What is done has been done and there is nothing anyone can do to change that and you have admitted your wrongs and faults and thats the start to making things better. 

Everything happens for a reason I truly believe in that, and because of what happened you were able to build a stronger more intimate relationship and you have a family and kids to think about, its not like she's completely miserable and despises you and wants nothing to do with you, she's not settling (or so it sounds like just from what you said that she is happy) she was happy too but her heart can't trust you, well the heart can be mended but she has to want to let that happen and yes it will take TIME but you need the help to do it and your actions will prove your sincerity and willingness to make that happen.


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

cadillac the purpose of this post was to get non biased opinions for us both to read. We talked last night and she wondered what non biased people who knew the whole story would say think or feel about the situation. I have made efforts to show her I love her more than ever not just to kiss her butt but because I found a whole new level of love for her.


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## Tamra65 (Apr 25, 2013)

I really wasn't intending to be hard on you - just letting you know the view from outside the fishbowl.

Lots of craziness going on. I know sometimes that happens when we are threatened with a HUGE LOSS - but the time for games is past you now.

Good luck.

T


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## Sunshine Cadillac (Apr 30, 2013)

INEEDHELPID said:


> cadillac the purpose of this post was to get non biased opinions for us both to read. We talked last night and she wondered what non biased people who knew the whole story would say think or feel about the situation. I have made efforts to show her I love her more than ever not just to kiss her butt but because I found a whole new level of love for her.


I didnt think my opinion/advice was biased, it was from my perspective of your sitation, she doesnt think that counselling will help, but she isnt willing to even try.. that is unfair i think and like you said dont hold back so i didnt? It wasnt meant to offend or judge anyone nor did I think it was coming off that way. You keep saying you tried so hard this and that but she cant do one thing for you to see if it is all worth it? I just think thats wrong - thats all.


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

My point here was not to be shown as the victim because I wasnt my wife was I was just wondering from a womans perspective if you think after someone did these things to you if you think you could ever forgive them and ever be happy with them again


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## AFwifey (Apr 26, 2013)

It can be forgiven yea but it takes a lot of work and heartfelt talks in order to remotely do so. It isn't guaranteed but it can happen. You have to be very patient and dedicated.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

From the beginning on...if your wife was seeing other men..it was time for a divorce. You, yourself should have stayed failthful but instead chose to participate in the game.

To me this is no marriage.


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