# Husband revenge EA maybe



## LostWife2013 (Apr 30, 2013)

My first post on my last thread


> I got found this site a few days ago and this is my first time using anything like this but I need advice.
> 
> Little info me and my husband have been married for almost 15 years it will be our anniversary in June. The both of us meet in college about 17 years ago. Everything in our marriage was good but I destroyed it. I stared EA last year in January and in June it went PA and lasted all the way till august of the same year. The reason my affair stopped was because my husband confronted me with what I thought was proof but he was. We have bluffing. We have been in R for about 5 or 6 months now. I have done the best I can to show my husband I am truly sorry for what I have put him through a day doesn’t go by that I wish I never made the choice I made. The first few months of R went very well I really felt we were reconnecting with each other again. We stared going on date with each other we even went on a mini vacation just the two of us with out the kids and we had a blast. I really believed me and husband would be able to move pass my infidelity and build a stronger marriage. Well lately my husband has been acting very strange. It’s hard to describe its not like we are fight or anything we still talk and act like a normal couple but I he’s acting very strange. I don’t know what do to maybe deep down he hasn’t forgiven me yet but when I ask him he say he loves me more then ever I told him from the day he found out I will tell him anything he needs to know and I have be forthcoming with everything he has asked. I guess I’m asking how do I get my husband to open up again and how find what’s bothering him.
> 
> Sorry for any missed spelled words English is not my first langue so there might be a few mistakes.


I had a thread a few day ago about my husband feeling distant and many posters told me he was still getting over my affair and told me to give him space so I did. The other day as I was checking our phone bill I saw he had a very high number of texts message and long phone calls as he is going to work and coming back home. I don’t know who the number belongs to and I don’t know if he is having EA. With the high amount of phone usage and the way he’s acting he could very well be having an EA. I want to ask him but do I have a right too or should I just let him continue with his EA and when it is over we can work on our marriage again.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You have a right to ask him.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Of course you have the right. It is due to your lack of communication with your husband that started this mess. You must open up your lines of communications and get him to see how destructive EA's are.

For many men a physical sexual affair from the wife lasting months is a deal breaker. In addition, you did not get caught and only told because your husband tricked you. I am sure down deep your husband feels you never would have stopped if you had not been caught. It takes years to get over what you have done to him. It is possible he is reaching out to somebody he feels he can really trust and talk to about all of the this. The bottom line speak up now before it is too late.


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## LostWife2013 (Apr 30, 2013)

bryanp said:


> Of course you have the right. It is due to your lack of communication with your husband that started this mess. You must open up your lines of communications and get him to see how destructive EA's are.
> 
> For many men a physical sexual affair from the wife lasting months is a deal breaker. In addition, you did not get caught and only told because your husband tricked you. I am sure down deep your husband feels you never would have stopped if you had not been caught. It takes years to get over what you have done to him. It is possible he is reaching out to somebody he feels he can really trust and talk to about all of the this. The bottom line speak up now before it is too late.


I thought about this to I might be overrating and paranoid. I don’t want him to think I don’t trust him because I do. The only reason my husband give me another chance was because of the kids if it was not for them he would have left me.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I have to ask but why would you have been willing to lose everything you had for a lousy affair? If you engaged in unprotected sex I do hope that you and your husband have been tested. Please say that you never brought your OM to your home. I also hope that you are in counseling to understand why you wished to be so self-destructive to your marriage. Good luck.


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## LostWife2013 (Apr 30, 2013)

bryanp said:


> I have to ask but why would you have been willing to lose everything you had for a lousy affair? If you engaged in unprotected sex I do hope that you and your husband have been tested. Please say that you never brought your OM to your home. I also hope that you are in counseling to understand why you wished to be so self-destructive to your marriage. Good luck.


At the time I and husband were very distant from each other. We both stopped showing each other affection and love. I became more concerned with my career and put all my time and energy into my career. My husband did the same but he wanted to be SAHD and put all his time and energy into the kids we forgot about each other. My affair stared with a coworker who was also married. We stared with just hello and good bye texts message it moved into more sexual message we also talked about problems in our marriage we both had similar problems. One day he asked for a picture of me naked at first I said no because I never done it before but I was scared of losing him so I said ok after that it just kept going to the point we went all the way and I thought he loved me but he didn’t. If I could go back in what I did I would the pain I caused my family and my husband was indescribable I never saw my husband cry before but he did that night I will always regret what I did it is the worst decision of my life. My husband made me get test done before I was aloud to sleep in our bed. I also never brought the other man in our house. I am in IC we did go to MC for a few weeks but my husband decided he no longer wanted to attended. I still go once a week.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Well, I don't know if there is such a thing as a revenge EA. I doubt if people have an EA with the motivation of revenge; it would far more likely be a PA. He may be reaching out for emotional support and that very well could develop into an EA.

Most grown men do not cry unless they experience extreme emotional trauma. That isn't true of all men but it does sound true for your husband. I'm glad you are taking that to heart to understand how deeply you hurt him. At that moment, he lost the person he thought was his wife ... to her poor choices and another man. It is going to take him a long time to recover. Be patient but I would also be vigilant about his activities and open about your concerns. I wish both of you well.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

It's quite likely he is slowly getting over the shock of your affair. And in doing so, he is re-evaluating his marriage and his relationship with you.

Since he is now acting strange and distant, he is starting to tune out of the marriage.

You have the right to ask him. He will either answer you or he will hide his phone calls better.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You have 2 threads with the same title. You should ask the moderators here to merge them together.

This thread here and this one: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/73385-husband-revenge-ea-maybe.html


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