# Goodbye



## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Well, since my "Banning" has expired which occcured for some unexplained reason, I thought I would wish everyone whom I've communicated with good luck. Not carring for this sort of drama I'll be moving on. 

It appears that almost every productive person here has been banned at some point. :scratchhead:

Best wishes and good luck.:smthumbup:


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

guess I'm not productive?


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

I know that being on this site has definite impact on how productive I am - but somehow I'm not thinking that's what Locard meant???

Good Luck.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Locard said:


> Well, since my "Banning" has expired which occcured for some unexplained reason, I thought I would wish everyone whom I've communicated with good luck. Not carring for this sort of drama I'll be moving on.
> 
> It appears that almost every productive person here has been banned at some point. :scratchhead:
> 
> Best wishes and good luck.:smthumbup:


You don't have any idea why you were banned?


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Clearly with 243 posts you were giving and receiving. 

Dont leave. Your past it. Just move on. 

Its part of the deal. So what.


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## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

I suppose one of your posts rubbed a mod the wrong way.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I know the feeling. Good luck!


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

OOE, if posting "get over it" to a woman who posted a straight forward question about male behavior in the "Mens clubhouse" is enough to ban a productive poster with over 300 posts and no warnings.....I stand by my earlier statement, ridicoulus.


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## Patricia B. Pina (Nov 22, 2011)

OOE said:


> I suppose one of your posts rubbed a mod the wrong way.


Well, that can't end well.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Ah that was my thread. 

Only speaking for myself here. I appreciate all advice. Some I realize I am not going to like, or agree with. That's fine. 

I remember that comment didn't sit well. I didn't find it constructive. Or productive. I have said previously, I realize my situation is not as earth-shattering as many on here and I don't profess it to be. I was and still am hurt by the actions of my H. He did want to work through the difficulties. I am hurt that for a time he gave attention to another woman that should have been directed at me and our marriage. That he did contemplate what life might be like elsewhere. Yes he nipped it in the bud before falling over the precipice. I didn't know what was going on at the time though looking back there were clues.

Yes it did hurt me what he said and he has said it in various jokes a handful of times. Obviously you OP gave me the advice you thought befitting. Fair enough. I would have appreciated something, you know, a bit more helpful from you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Walkingwounded, so you are saying you weren't looking for advice in the Menclubhouse, but validaiton. I didn't give it to you so I am not helpful. Well, thats advice. 

I meant it sincerely, that is my advice to YOU if you want to move on. Why should I walk on eggshells for fear of being "rude". One post of over 300 someone took issue with. 

You should't have to sugar coat things all time, especially in a clubhouse to me gives a connotation of a male atmosphere.

Also, you know darn well I wan't telling you to "get over" his EA. Your question was in regard to his joking and teasing. Big diffrence.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

I was looking for an answer to my question, and advice. Not validation. I welcome all advice but I was looking for something constructive. Do you know what I mean? If it were that easy I wouldn't be here would I?!

No need to sugar coat or walk on eggshells. There were others who basically said the same but with the benefit of actual advice. Perspective. THAT is helpful. Stuff I can use. Maybe a "think of it like this..." or something similar. Something useful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Yea thats pretty tame for getting banned. 

Of course you will never hear a moderator saying they flubbed a decision or explain in more detail so we can all benefit. 

I was banned from another site because some stick in the mud didnt think my joke was funny and its a personality and psychology site.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

To add re: your edit. Yes I thought you * were * telling me to get over his EA actually!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

I got banned for something my husband said. The moderator must have thought we were the same person with different names. While we have similar opinions we are not interchangeable. I don't post much anymore.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

walkingwounded said:


> I was looking for an answer to my question, and advice. Not validation. I welcome all advice but I was looking for something constructive. Do you know what I mean? If it were that easy I wouldn't be here would I?!
> 
> No need to sugar coat or walk on eggshells. There were others who basically said the same but with the benefit of actual advice. Perspective. THAT is helpful. Stuff I can use. Maybe a "think of it like this..." or something similar. Something useful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 "There were others who basically said the same but with the benefit of actual advice." I rest my case. :lol:

Please, I'm not picking on you. I do sympathize with your situation. And when I say you are looking for validation I don't mean that in a negative way at all. You are right, he was being insensitive. But like I said, when you ask for advice if you don't agree with it move on.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I think I am finally, getting to that point of getting over it..

oh wait..


wrong thread...


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## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

I wasn't judging - I just looked up your last post.

Temporary bans are really just meant to get your attention. In this case, I suspect the mod was attempting to keep the thread from escalating.

Hard to say though.

I imagine, however, it went something like this:

Someone hit the "report" button
A mod read your one-liner and made a snap decision


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> guess I'm not productive?


Sorry brother, I got bad news....










I too aspire to be relevent enough for this Ban you speak of but.... I fail. 

Hey do I get a "marginally useful... at times" patch for having lots of my posts getting deleted by MOds ?


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

OOE, no problem at all! Thanks for pointing that out it was helpful.

So what you are saying happened is this:

Someone asked a question. I gave an answer they didn't "find helpful" so they complained to a mod and I was banned. No profanity, name calling, shaming, just advice that wasn't found to be helpful. 

Hmm, I wonder how far people will get with help then they only take the advice that they want to hear........


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Locard said:


> Hmm, I wonder how far people will get with help then they only take the advice that they want to hear........


Ask every Disloyal Spouse on the planet.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Get over it.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Get over it.



I see what you did there. 

Let's see if you get banned... But I dont think Locard will report you.

Let this thread know if and when you do come back from your ban.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Post deleted


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Locard said:


> Well, since my "Banning" has expired which occcured for some unexplained reason, I thought I would wish everyone whom I've communicated with good luck. Not carring for this sort of drama I'll be moving on.
> 
> It appears that almost every productive person here has been banned at some point. :scratchhead:
> 
> Best wishes and good luck.:smthumbup:


Let me guess, you are someone that has been betrayed and are vocal, and the ones doing the banning are on the other side of the coin.

Happens alot on many boards. The true offenders seem to get protected status.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

OOE said:


> I wasn't judging - I just looked up your last post.
> 
> Temporary bans are really just meant to get your attention. In this case, I suspect the mod was attempting to keep the thread from escalating.
> 
> ...


One would hope that moderators would take the time to be descriptive of the offense when informing the member of their banning. That is, if the ban is to be "temporary". Otherwise, I guess it doesn't matter if the ban is to be permanent.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

I wonder sometimes if I'm going to get banned for pointing things out like "She did the whole basketball team and calls you names to your face. She is cheating on you" to the poor nincompoop who's wondering if his wife really loves him (after she admitted to doing the whole basketball team).

I guess so far I've either been ignored as being a rude ******* or just couched my advice helpfully enough that the mods give me the benefit of the doubt that I mean well even though I'm a rude *******.

Although I did have one helpful post get deleted. But I didn't get banned. Go figure.

Locard, you got banned for chicken**** reasons over a 3-word post. Given that many of your 300+ other posts have been helpful or, at worst, flippant, it seems like a small reason to leave. Stick around and speak your mind!!!!!!!


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

No-one should be banned without at least the courtesy of a warning, or explanation from a moderator, or owner of a site in my opinion.

Moderators can have a difficult task to keep harmony but users are not clairvoyant! 

If a moderator fails to explain the reason for a temporary or permanent ban, it leaves users wondering what happened. Isn't this the very reason why many of us are here on TAM, the fallout effect of poor communication skills?


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Lazarus said:


> No-one should be banned without at least the courtesy of a warning, or explanation from a moderator, or owner of a site in my opinion.
> 
> Moderators can have a difficult task to keep harmony but users are not clairvoyant!
> 
> If a moderator fails to explain the reason for a temporary or permanent ban, it leaves users wondering what happened. Isn't this the very reason why many of us are here on TAM, the fallout effect of poor communication skills?


Welcome to forum life. It's not a democracy. We are at the mercy of the Mods and Admins.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

Can moderator also be banned for his mistake ?
I would like to know.


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> Welcome to forum life. It's not a democracy. We are at the mercy of the Mods and Admins.


To hurt someone with a ban without explanation whilst a person is already hurting from infidelity seems to go against the whole concept of TAM which is a site that offers much public benefit.

No-one needs to be at the mercy of anyone and if it is common practice on forums, then TAM should set the standards and be different from the rest. 

Afterall, here on this site are many people likely to be experiencing the most painful event in their lives. 

The last thing folks on here need is a tin pot god pulling the plug on potentially vulnerable people. That's rubbing more salt into already deep wounds.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Locard!

Are you reading something different to me? Where did you get the idea from that I disagreed with what you said?? I said, which you quoted, that others said basically the same but with the benefit of actual advice. 

I DON'T DISAGREE WITH WHAT YOU SAID! You are inferring that by yourself there. I didn't find it particularly helpful like I said. But nowhere did I say I disagreed with the content of the message however it was delivered. So stop referring to it as such. Asking for advice you take what is given, use it if you feel you can. Simply put, my view on your advice to me is that I would LOVE to do that thanks but if you could throw me some pointers on how to get my delicate soul to not take stuff like that to heart it would be fabulous advice to me!

However obviously that is my own take and not that of anyone who might've reported you or the mod who banned you as it is separate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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