# Problem with Lying



## mwdmc (May 17, 2012)

My wife is a liar and hates confrontation with strangers. That's just a fact, I'm not being a name caller here. I don't call my wife names at all. Her lying was just a nuisance but is now causing a real life problem now.

She has been a liar as long as I've known her. The current problem is that she applied for a job and they made her an offer. The offer was not bad but there was one point that was a show stopper. That show stopper affected me directly. So I spent lots of time discussing it with her and how to negiotiate it. I sent her links to websites for help. Bottom line is that instead of negiotiating she told the company a big fat lie and bowed out just to avoid confrontation. (I didn't know she did this - she lied to me about it)

That was fine with me. Then she got fire from her current job, so she was just going to sit an sulk. I told her to call up the place that made her an offer and see if the job was available still. It was and they made her another offer again. This time the contentious point of negotiation was even WORSE than before.

But now she had NO job so she's deparate. So when I talked to her about negoiating that point again - what she wanted to do was to go tell another big fat lie to avoid confrontation.

I got so mad that I sent a carefully worded email to the HR person being clear about the problem and to the point. I showed it to her and she said she would handle it - by telling a ridicuous lie to try to avoid confrontation again. (Funny she NEVER avoids confrontation when it comes to me). Anyways we argued and she defended what she was going to do - So I felt she was in her "mode" so I hit "Send".

The **** hit the fan, but at least now she has to deal with the HR person upfront about the issue without lies (maybe - shes a creative liar).

Just to give you an idea - she lies to her parents about me and to them herself. So I get a call from her parents tonight (obviously a return call from her calling on her cell phone), and as they are done with the message and in the process of hanging up, I can her my mother in law say "I'll bet he'll make sure she doesn't get this message!". My WIFE avoids her parents calls and they lies to them that she never gets them (so my in-laws think I'm an evil bastard).

Anyways, I stay out of my wifes business except for this time because it would disrupt my life hugely all due to an arbitrarily negotiable item in her job negotiations.

I know I did a bad thing - I just didn't know what else to do.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Has she ever been in IC? Would she be amenable to the idea? one thought would be to attend the first session with her, so that the therapist is in on her serious problem. What a waste of good money, to have her fooling the therapist, too.

I am no psychologist but there really is, apparently, a diagnosis of being a pathological liar, and psychotherapy appears to be the main and perhaps only form of treatment. You correctly perceive her lying as an addiction (at least, I assume that's why you've posted here).


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