# 7 years since divorce:



## Evinrude58

So it’s been 7 years since my divorce from the mother of my 3 kids. My ex was a cheater supreme. I still get texts from her regularly and pictures of me and the kids, or just wanting to shoot the ****, because she basically has no friends. I hardly respond, just enough to be “friendly” so as not to get drug to court or some other ********.
I do side work buying/repairing/reselling cars. I just finished repairing an older ford suv for my daughter. I put 4 brand new 70k mike tires on it, new a/c system, cv axles, belt, and lots more. The car runs great. My ex sends me a text saying it makes a noise, she’s not satisfied with it, this and that. Then goes into how I have 2 houses, pay HOA fees, a tractor, multiple cars (they’re all around 20 yrs old and all have over 250k miles on them, 2 have over 300k on them, but yeah, they run good). this and that. Then goes into how I screwed her out of HER equity in the house. I did not screw her in any way whatsoever in the divorce. I showed the lawyer what we agreed to, he looked up what we owed and what the house was worth on Zillow, and made up the paperwork. I got the house (and the debt on it) and ten thousand of her hidden credit card debt. The credit card debt was about half of the equity in the house at that piint
My point: She always goes back to this equity thing on the house and says I stole from her. Calls ME a narcissist...,,
When I bring up that we had twice the Income I have now when we were married , and were going in the hole every month, and now I have half the income and the same bills, yet still manage to not go in the hole..... she can’t seem to compute that she was the frivolous spender. She started cheating and walked away from everything. Yes, my home has gone up in value a lot since we divorced. That just kills her.

She doesn’t care one single bit about the cheating and breaking up my family and breaking my heart and hurting me in the worst way possible. Her only worry about the whole deal is that I “stole her equity in the house”.

I will be so relieved in 6 years when my youngest turns 18 so I can extract this cancer of a person completely out of my life. 

it is annoying how people can lie and cheat and totally disregard that and make their ex out to be the bad guy. Rant over.


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## Trident

I'd be flattered that my ex still cares about me so much as to hold onto the anger.

It's all in how you look at it.


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## Evinrude58

The weird thing is I am the one that has a reason to be angry and feel betrayed.. somehow this looney bird thinks she was betrayed by ME!!!!!!!!


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## Andy1001

Living well is the best revenge.


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## Elizabeth001

Evinrude58 said:


> The weird thing is I am the one that has a reason to be angry and feel betrayed.. somehow this looney bird thinks she was betrayed by ME!!!!!!!!


Isn’t that narcissism 101?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## jlg07

just blow her off when she starts complaining --- just tell her that SHE cheated, SHE left the family ... HER problem, not yours.


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## Evinrude58

5 more years and I’m blocking her number


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## gr8ful1

Evinrude58 said:


> I will be so relieved in 6 years when my youngest turns 18 so I can extract this cancer of a person completely out of my life.


Not that it would help but I’d be super tempted to text her those exact words lol


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## 342693

I feel you pain. My situation is very similar and I posted about it the other day. I have a nicer house than my ex, drive a nicer car than her and am very happy (she's not). But like your ex, she cheated. Take satisfaction knowing she's miserable. that what I do. Something about grass not being greener.


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## nypsychnurse

It's too soon to block her, (In case of an emergency with one of your kids,)but you can certainly stop responding to any call, or text that doesn't constitute an emergency!


Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk


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## Marc878

Why so much engagement? Cut it off. That’s your option not hers.


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## uwe.blab

Evinrude58 said:


> The weird thing is I am the one that has a reason to be angry and feel betrayed.. somehow this looney bird thinks she was betrayed by ME!!!!!!!!


You seem angry. Just let it go. You cannot control what she thinks or says.


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## uwe.blab

gr8ful1 said:


> Not that it would help but I’d be super tempted to text her those exact words lol


Why? So she knows she is pushing his buttons? That'll just make her want to keep doing it. If she thought it didnt matter she would just stop, and even if she doesnt stop he can control his own actions and emotions. Engaging and even spending mental energy on thinking about her is wasted time.


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## Evinrude58

I agree, I don’t spend much energy in her anymore. I probably think sad thoughts about the ex fiancée more. I actually don’t get upset about the ex wife at all, unless she sends one of her crazy texts like yesterday. The divorce deal was totally fair to HER so I don’t really spend any thoughts on that. Her perspective is what’s kinda mind blowing.


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## PieceOfSky

Evinrude58 said:


> 5 more years and I’m blocking her number


There’s an online family communication and scheduling tool a friend used pre/post-divorce, to help keep communication between stbx’s and ex’s civil and to the point. Not sure, but I think it worked better for him.

Iirc, the judge might order it to be used in some cases. (Too late for that perhaps, here.). 

Iirc, I think @RebuildingMe might have mentioned it recently.

ETA: pretty sure it is: Tools for Conflict Free Co-Parenting | OurFamilyWizard


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## re16

Too bad you didn't give her a bad deal in the divorce, you are taking the heat for it anyways.


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## Pip’sJourney

Isn't it interesting how some people have a permanent "victim' mode? Glad you got away from that.


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## GusPolinski

Evinrude58 said:


> I agree, I don’t spend much energy in her anymore. I probably think sad thoughts about the ex fiancée more. I actually don’t get upset about the ex wife at all, unless she sends one of her crazy texts like yesterday. The divorce deal was totally fair to HER so I don’t really spend any thoughts on that. Her perspective is what’s kinda mind blowing.


I was reading through a thread on Reddit a while back – long story short, this guy catches his wife cheating. There were multiple OMs but there was one in particular with whom she'd be cheating for all but the first year of their marriage – and the entire time they were dating. He winds up having her served – at work – on their anniversary... which also happened to be December 7th i.e. "Pearl Harbor Day". LOL.

Anyway, she gets home later that evening, he meets her at the door, she's in a rage yelling about how he can't keep her out of her home. His response was something like, "No, it's my home, and you've ****ed yourself out of it." Apparently he got a punch to the face for his trouble which was awesome because he had a cop there on standby, so she got hauled off.

All of which is to say that, while those details might not align with the specifics of your marriage, your ex's affair(s), divorce, etc, that line sure might.


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## RebuildingMe

Download our family wizard. It’s like $130/year and keeps this civil (in my case, it’s keeps me civil, not so much her).


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## Kaliber

Evinrude58 said:


> I hardly respond, just enough to be “friendly” so as not to get drug to court or some other ******.


Can she really do that?! Is such a threat real or just your assumption?


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## Evinrude58

It’s a real threat. If I can make it without being taken to court for another 5 years it’ll be a miracle


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## Marc878

Evinrude58 said:


> I agree, I don’t spend much energy in her anymore. I probably think sad thoughts about the ex fiancée more. I actually don’t get upset about the ex wife at all, unless she sends one of her crazy texts like yesterday. The divorce deal was totally fair to HER so I don’t really spend any thoughts on that. Her perspective is what’s kinda mind blowing.


Learn to ignore. Get the family communication.


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## TXTrini

Evinrude58 said:


> So it’s been 7 years since my divorce from the mother of my 3 kids. My ex was a cheater supreme. I still get texts from her regularly and pictures of me and the kids, or just wanting to shoot the *, because she basically has no friends. I hardly respond, just enough to be “friendly” so as not to get drug to court or some other *****.
> I do side work buying/repairing/reselling cars. I just finished repairing an older ford suv for my daughter. I put 4 brand new 70k mike tires on it, new a/c system, cv axles, belt, and lots more. The car runs great. My ex sends me a text saying it makes a noise, she’s not satisfied with it, this and that. Then goes into how I have 2 houses, pay HOA fees, a tractor, multiple cars (they’re all around 20 yrs old and all have over 250k miles on them, 2 have over 300k on them, but yeah, they run good). this and that. Then goes into how I screwed her out of HER equity in the house. I did not screw her in any way whatsoever in the divorce. I showed the lawyer what we agreed to, he looked up what we owed and what the house was worth on Zillow, and made up the paperwork. I got the house (and the debt on it) and ten thousand of her hidden credit card debt. The credit card debt was about half of the equity in the house at that piint
> My point: She always goes back to this equity thing on the house and says I stole from her. Calls ME a narcissist...,,
> When I bring up that we had twice the Income I have now when we were married , and were going in the hole every month, and now I have half the income and the same bills, yet still manage to not go in the hole..... she can’t seem to compute that she was the frivolous spender. She started cheating and walked away from everything. Yes, my home has gone up in value a lot since we divorced. That just kills her.
> 
> She doesn’t care one single bit about the cheating and breaking up my family and breaking my heart and hurting me in the worst way possible. Her only worry about the whole deal is that I “stole her equity in the house”.
> 
> I will be so relieved in 6 years when my youngest turns 18 so I can extract this cancer of a person completely out of my life.
> 
> it is annoying how people can lie and cheat and totally disregard that and make their ex out to be the bad guy. Rant over.


Ugh, makes me grateful I had no children. Sorry, you have to deal with that crap. If I were you, I'd have minimal contact like others suggested, you don't owe her friendliness.


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## Benbutton

Dude, shes just bullshyt you're better off without her. My ex pulls the same shyt because I'm happy.


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## DownByTheRiver

Evinrude58 said:


> So it’s been 7 years since my divorce from the mother of my 3 kids. My ex was a cheater supreme. I still get texts from her regularly and pictures of me and the kids, or just wanting to shoot the *, because she basically has no friends. I hardly respond, just enough to be “friendly” so as not to get drug to court or some other *****.
> I do side work buying/repairing/reselling cars. I just finished repairing an older ford suv for my daughter. I put 4 brand new 70k mike tires on it, new a/c system, cv axles, belt, and lots more. The car runs great. My ex sends me a text saying it makes a noise, she’s not satisfied with it, this and that. Then goes into how I have 2 houses, pay HOA fees, a tractor, multiple cars (they’re all around 20 yrs old and all have over 250k miles on them, 2 have over 300k on them, but yeah, they run good). this and that. Then goes into how I screwed her out of HER equity in the house. I did not screw her in any way whatsoever in the divorce. I showed the lawyer what we agreed to, he looked up what we owed and what the house was worth on Zillow, and made up the paperwork. I got the house (and the debt on it) and ten thousand of her hidden credit card debt. The credit card debt was about half of the equity in the house at that piint
> My point: She always goes back to this equity thing on the house and says I stole from her. Calls ME a narcissist...,,
> When I bring up that we had twice the Income I have now when we were married , and were going in the hole every month, and now I have half the income and the same bills, yet still manage to not go in the hole..... she can’t seem to compute that she was the frivolous spender. She started cheating and walked away from everything. Yes, my home has gone up in value a lot since we divorced. That just kills her.
> 
> She doesn’t care one single bit about the cheating and breaking up my family and breaking my heart and hurting me in the worst way possible. Her only worry about the whole deal is that I “stole her equity in the house”.
> 
> I will be so relieved in 6 years when my youngest turns 18 so I can extract this cancer of a person completely out of my life.
> 
> it is annoying how people can lie and cheat and totally disregard that and make their ex out to be the bad guy. Rant over.


You could request a order from the court that she communicate only on one of those divorced people's websites by email and that it has to be confined to something about the children. Then if they don't go by the rules you can take that transcript from those websites and take it to the court. 

You'll never be totally rid of her because one day they'll be grandkids and some conundrum about what to do on holidays so that everybody gets to see everybody. 

I would suggest when she starts talking about all that stuff that's already settled that you just tell her you're not talking about it again and hang up. Or just interrupt her and say did you have something you needed to talk to me about the kids? And if she says no, say okay then I've got to go, goodbye. I mean you could always tell her you don't want to talk about anything except the kids and that all that divorce settlement is all settled and legal and over and you're not going to talk about it anymore. 

My guess is she couldn't have taken on the house debt or her own debt in order to have part of the house. She just thinks that she rides you long enough she can guilt you into giving her something, I guess. You know if she has something to say about the cars you provide the children, if I were you I wouldn't even argue with her and I would just say okay I'm coming to get the car back, and then let her deal with the blow back from the kids about that. You can always just tell him your mother didn't want them to have that car. I mean you provided the car so maybe if it does need something from a mechanic she could have that done.


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