# Be careful what you wish for...Has he already started the process?



## Maria9938 (Feb 22, 2011)

My husband threatened to leave me several times this week. Things have been bad for a really long time, but this is a new development. He came in after I was in bed and he sent me an email out of his frustration instead of waking me up.

In it he said some of these things: "You're making it look like you have something to hide. are you trying to hide something from me? You may want to reconsider that strategy. If I want to know anything about you, I'll find out. Trust me. I can find out what you're up to, and there is much more I could do than quietly observe. That's a promise. If you feel like spending time with someone else. Fine. Do what you want. But, you won't be doing it behind my back. And I'll document everything you do. Just for the record. I'm paying attention to you. You can either get it together and help me make this relationship work, or you can find your own way. But I'm not about to be played like a chump. I'm not going to continue to be disrespected in my home. I'm not going to continue to put up with this sorry ass relationship. Things need to change.
I'm not going to continue to let you treat me like ****. I will make things better for us, or I'll make things better for me. Don't say I never told you."

The way I see it, he sent this because I started acting like him. He told me to get a life and stop focusing on him so much. So I did. I started practicing detachment, getting to know what I like again, and doing those things. Sometimes he was included, but many times he was not. So that was his response. 

I asked several people about this language and they said it sounds like he's setting me up to divorce me and leave me with nothing. His best friends wife left because there was another man involved so he's paranoid about that. I've been through hell and back with him (see previous posts) and he's ready to throw me out now that he's got a nice job. He didn't even come home until this morning, but I'm the one on the leash now?

I can't believe this. If anyone has any advice, I'd love to hear it.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Wow! Now doesn't that letter make you really really want to work things out with that jerk... I mean .... wonderful guy?

Seriously, save those kind of emails. Maybe tell him that emails are a good way to help you keep things in focus. They will show the judge what your life has been like.

I'm just so sorry you are going through something like this.


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## Maria9938 (Feb 22, 2011)

Is it time for a lawyer? 
What do you look for in a good one?


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

Maria9938 said:


> Is it time for a lawyer?
> What do you look for in a good one?


In the words of an ex-boss who used to know and hung around a few of them ... "They're all Crooks"!

I would try and find those who will agree on a FREE initial consultation. It will cost a fortune IF you were to see those that charges between $250 and $300 an hour on the First consultation.

What happens then is you settle for the first ones you find even if you're NOT happy with them.

Talk with your friends and or relatives and see if they can recommend anyone. Other than that, it becomes a hit and miss situation.

But most of them will work for you. How aggressively they go about it may or may not suite you.

Good Luck!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Maria9938 said:


> Trust me. I can find out what you're up to, and there is much more I could do than quietly observe. That's a promise. If you feel like spending time with someone else. Fine. Do what you want. But, you won't be doing it behind my back. And I'll document everything you do. Just for the record. I'm paying attention to you. You can either get it together and help me make this relationship work, or you can find your own way.


He's threatening you and trying to scare you and intimidate you.

Yep, time for a lawyer. this is the same man who hit you, right?
I think I saw in another thread you posted about how there was physical violence/abuse. If that's true, get the hell out of this relationship. 

Keep/save that email for future use.


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## Maria9938 (Feb 22, 2011)

Yes. I'll start looking.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Not all lawyers are crooks. The best way to find a lawyer is to ask people you know that have gotten divorced who they used and how they felt they were represented. Also, I do not know your financial situation, but if you are having financial difficulties, check to see if your county has a legal aid office, or check with the State Bar of your state. There are a lot of lawyers that volunteer their services to help out indigent clients.


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