# Masturbation and ED



## coolhead12 (17 d ago)

Can someone help me as I am desperate.

I almost only can get hard and stay hard if I masturbate. Almost as soon as I take my hand of my penis I go soft. The same applies to sex with me wife which devastates me.

I masturbated almost daily my entire life until few years ago when I decided to stop masturbating completely to enhance sex with my wife. I started taking Viagra about 18 months ago and it helped somewhat until recently. 

I can masturbate for 30 minutes and stay hard all this time but only if I am actively masturbating. However, with PIV I have hard time staying hard and often go soft inside my wife which is both embarrassing and devastating. My wife gives me a BJ which only barely helps getting me hard despite me enjoying it a lot.

Just to prepare myself for PIV sex I need to masturbate. I can be mentally very aroused but I am not hard until I start masturbating.

I am 50 years old, overweight but active. My T-level is normal.

Can someone help me understand my issue.

Do I have an ED if I can stay hard when masturbating? I also have morning erections every morning. If I don't have an ED do I even need a Viagra?

How can I get and stay hard and enjoy sex with my wife? I said I do not masturbate anymore for quite a while but it does not seem to help much.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

without age , porn use now and in your life time , and many other things that affect this we can not say , except a doctor that is interested in find the cause and not one that just treats the somtum's


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I have had some similar issues in the past. You see testosterone does not stay level. It fluctuates, like biological functions. So sometimes, my T levels are high
and no problem, but sometimes they're low. You say your T levels are normal, but I bet they're low. See your Dr. 
Better yet, see a men's Dr. or a virility clinic. Get your T levels checked. Many GP's might say a certain T level is normal, but not necessarily for sexual performance.
Sexual performance demands a higher level of T than baseline.
The Dr. may try you out on something other than Viagra, like T boosters or, or Cialis or Levitra. There are options. This sounds like a serious matter to you,
so take it seriously.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

coolhead12 said:


> Can someone help me as I am desperate.
> 
> I almost only can get hard and stay hard if I masturbate. Almost as soon as I take my hand of my penis I go soft. The same applies to sex with me wife which devastates me.
> 
> ...


You said some things that are vague to me -- how long has it been since you masturbated or used your hand to get and stay hard? And when you say that your T-level was "normal", what was the actual number? And did you have your Estrogen levels checked? What about your Thyroid levels?

If you are over 50 and overweight, even slight hormonal imbalances will have a huge affect on you sexually, and depending on your doctor, "normal" is very subjective and can still not be high enough.

What was the longest you would go without sex, and was it easier to stay hard after that time? If your body is used to the feeling of your hand (or your wife's), then it will struggle to stay hard with the less focused stimulation when you are inside your wife.

These are all questions that you need to explore and consider if you want to find a solution.


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## coolhead12 (17 d ago)

LisaDiane said:


> You said some things that are vague to me -- how long has it been since you masturbated or used your hand to get and stay hard? And when you say that your T-level was "normal", what was the actual number? And did you have your Estrogen levels checked? What about your Thyroid levels?
> 
> If you are over 50 and overweight, even slight hormonal imbalances will have a huge affect on you sexually, and depending on your doctor, "normal" is very subjective and can still not be high enough.
> 
> ...


I understand all this hormonal issues are important. but as I said I can masturbate for 30+ minutes while being hard. So if I had ED or hormonal disbalance should it also impact erection when masturbating? I even read somewhere that if you can get yourself erect when masturbating you do not have medical ED, it is more psychological. 

We usually try to have sex 2-3 times a week. have rather high libido. if I can get and stay hard any time I want I would have sex several times a day.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Given that you are able to get an erection with your hand then you don't have a physiological reason for ED. I would guess it is psychological. Do you require porn to get and stay hard with your hand?


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## RinJo27 (17 d ago)

I would really recommend seeing a therapist. Men can often develop this reaction in their bodies that they will need their hand because they have conditioned their bodies for the pressure their hand can provide. Women's bodies aren't able to replicate the huge amount of pressure that you have conditioned yourself to. 



The term is death grip syndrome, and i would highly encourage you to do a little bit of Googling to educate yourself on the topic and see if any of it sounds familiar.


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## coolhead12 (17 d ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Given that you are able to get an erection with your hand then you don't have a physiological reason for ED. I would guess it is psychological. Do you require porn to get and stay hard with your hand?


Not really. I certainly need an erotic thought or a fantasy but they all involve only my wife.


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## coolhead12 (17 d ago)

RinJo27 said:


> I would really recommend seeing a therapist. Men can often develop this reaction in their bodies that they will need their hand because they have conditioned their bodies for the pressure their hand can provide. Women's bodies aren't able to replicate the huge amount of pressure that you have conditioned yourself to.
> 
> 
> 
> The term is death grip syndrome, and i would highly encourage you to do a little bit of Googling to educate yourself on the topic and see if any of it sounds familiar.


I read about death grip and it is what I probably have. it seems my penis got used to high intensity friction that only hand can provide. How can i solve this death grip if I do not masturbate anymore?


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## RinJo27 (17 d ago)

coolhead12 said:


> I read about death grip and it is what I probably have. it seems my penis got used to high intensity friction that only hand can provide. How can i solve this death grip if I do not masturbate anymore?


One video online from a sex therapist mentioned no stimulation whatsoever (no masturbation, no sex, nothing that would arouse you) for a period of time while your body gets used to what your "normal" used to be. But, like all information on the internet, I would take it with a grain of salt and talk with a professional in person. There could also be much deeper stuff behind it too! But we are simply two strangers on the internet, and I wouldn't have all the answers for you. Best of luck to you and your wife though! ❤


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## coolhead12 (17 d ago)

RinJo27 said:


> One video online from a sex therapist mentioned no stimulation whatsoever (no masturbation, no sex, nothing that would arouse you) for a period of time while your body gets used to what your "normal" used to be. But, like all information on the internet, I would take it with a grain of salt and talk with a professional in person. There could also be much deeper stuff behind it too! But we are simply two strangers on the internet, and I wouldn't have all the answers for you. Best of luck to you and your wife though! ❤


Yeah, makes sense. I don't know if I can really survive long enough with no sexual activity but I am willing to do whatever is needed to enjoy PIV sex with my wife.

Does Viagra even help in my case? When I started taking Viagra my faced flushed red. now it has really no effect. I wonder if it is working at all for me and if i really need it.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Get a silicon ring set for your junk and figure out the right size, once you get hard it will keep the blood in there. You can use a vacuum pump as well with the ring on to really fill it up and then g2g. I don’t have a problem getting soft but I kind of like the extra engorgement.


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## RinJo27 (17 d ago)

coolhead12 said:


> Yeah, makes sense. I don't know if I can really survive long enough with no sexual activity but I am willing to do whatever is needed to enjoy PIV sex with my wife.
> 
> 
> 
> ...








I would recommend speaking to the provider that prescribed you the Viagra. Long term usage can cause negative side effects, just like any other medication. I've had a patient who was fairly young taking Viagra long term, and it turns out it wasn't a physical issue but rather a psychological issue (dealing with PTSD) that was causing that. Whenever the provider I work under sees ED, he will often refer these men to go get mental health treatment to see if anxiety or other mental condition is also a factor.


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## coolhead12 (17 d ago)

RinJo27 said:


> I would recommend speaking to the provider that prescribed you the Viagra. Long term usage can cause negative side effects, just like any other medication. I've had a patient who was fairly young taking Viagra long term, and it turns out it wasn't a physical issue but rather a psychological issue (dealing with PTSD) that was causing that. Whenever the provider I work under sees ED, he will often refer these men to go get mental health treatment to see if anxiety or other mental condition is also a factor.


I did extensive research before I started taking Viagra and I found no evidence it has any negative long term effect. In fact my doctor who prescribed me Viagra told me it is completely gone from your body in 6 hrs.

Honestly, even if I technically do not need it from medical standpoint if it can help me psychologically I am willing to take it.


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## thenerdguy (1 mo ago)

I had the same problem about two years ago. And it was progressively getting worse. I never did see a doctor about it, but reading online it appears my T levels were probably dipping in the evening. I could whack it no problem in the morning, but in the evening when it was sexy time it was hit or miss if I could keep it up. For a while I made it a rule that if I knew I was going to have sex that night, I would not whack it in the morning. That worked for a while then didn't.

I started working out a lot, then really working out a bunch to see if that would help. I dropped a ton of weight and got really fit. On top of it, I was taking supplements that helps our mens parts.

Now I have zero issues, I can even whack it twice in the morning and still have the confidence to have sex in the evening and not worry about a thing.

I really think it was dropping T levels in the evening, and by getting into shape I got my numbers way up.

It was really weird, before I got back into shape. My mind was like yes I want sex, but my body was like nope. It was extremely frustrating.


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## coolhead12 (17 d ago)

thenerdguy said:


> I had the same problem about two years ago. And it was progressively getting worse. I never did see a doctor about it, but reading online it appears my T levels were probably dipping in the evening. I could whack it no problem in the morning, but in the evening when it was sexy time it was hit or miss if I could keep it up. For a while I made it a rule that if I knew I was going to have sex that night, I would not whack it in the morning. That worked for a while then didn't.
> 
> I started working out a lot, then really working out a bunch to see if that would help. I dropped a ton of weight and got really fit. On top of it, I was taking supplements that helps our mens parts.
> 
> ...


So your problem was you think due to T-level drop towards the evening? Then I assume you could not get hard to masturbate in the evening?

What I am trying to understand if the problem is T-level should it equally affect PIV sex and masturbation? If you cannot get hard for PIV then you should not be able to get hard when masturbating? I don't think I ever hard problem getting hard when masturbating, regardless of time of the day or night.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

coolhead12 said:


> *Can someone help me as I am desperate.*
> 
> I almost only c*an get hard and stay hard if I masturbate*. Almost as soon as I take my hand of my penis I go soft. The same applies to sex with me wife which devastates me.
> 
> ...





coolhead12 said:


> *I read about death grip a*nd it is what I probably have. it seems my penis got used to high intensity friction that only hand can provide. *How can i solve this death grip if I do not masturbate anymore?*


Wow where to start. Overweight and 50 years old. This could be normal, this could be diabetes and penile Diabetic neuropathy, it could be a serious blood flow problem (early heart disease), it could be psychological, it could be bad diet. You need to spend some time with your doctor to find out the root cause..

A quick fix for most men is a quality silicon penis constricting ring (Tanus or RingO Rex), which will trap blood in the penis to allow a longer erection once it gets up, especially with Viagra or the other such drugs. 

One of the things not well known about Viagra is that it doesn't work immediately all by itself. It takes half to a full hour or longer if you have not eaten or not had fatty foods prior to taking it for two full hours. That means if you like to have sex with your wife at night that you need to *wait AT LEAST 2 HOURS after the last thing you eat before taking the Viagra* *and then wait at least another hour before you have PIV sexual intercourse*. Far too many men don't wait that long after their last dinner or snack. There also needs to be a *stimulus for sexual arousal between taking Viagra and its erection causing effects*.

More importantly, there needs to be *nitric oxide in the penis blood stream*. There are supplements that can help boost the body's ability to manufacture nitric oxide (L-Arginine, Propionyl L-Caritine, Pychogenol, etc) and there are supplements/foods that actually boost nitric oxide because of what they contain, such as spinach, or beet root. So diet and health are important.

My suggestion is that you work with your doctor and your wife to learn much more about how your penis works. *And yes, you do have ED*, even if you can get hard by masturbation (that you don't do anymore). 

Give your penis a temporary rest while you sort this out and work with your wife to redefine sex to something other than PIV for the moment. You will likely get back to that soon enough once things get sorted out.

Good luck.


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## coolhead12 (17 d ago)

Young at Heart said:


> Wow where to start. Overweight and 50 years old. This could be normal, this could be diabetes and penile Diabetic neuropathy, it could be a serious blood flow problem (early heart disease), it could be psychological, it could be bad diet. You need to spend some time with your doctor to find out the root cause..
> 
> A quick fix for most men is a quality silicon penis constricting ring (Tanus or RingO Rex), which will trap blood in the penis to allow a longer erection once it gets up, especially with Viagra or the other such drugs.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your response. I am aware how Viagra works and I take it on empty stomach 1 hr before we have sex. I am also sexually aroused.

One thing I still don't understand. ED (at least medical ED) means inability to get or maintain erection due to factors you described. I can maintain erection when I masturbate so do I still have medical ED? If there is not enough blood flow or no nitric oxide or anything else should it also prevent me from getting erection when masturbating?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Young at Heart said:


> Wow where to start. Overweight and 50 years old. This could be normal, this could be diabetes and penile Diabetic neuropathy, it could be a serious blood flow problem (early heart disease), it could be psychological, it could be bad diet. You need to spend some time with your doctor to find out the root cause..
> 
> A quick fix for most men is a quality silicon penis constricting ring (Tanus or RingO Rex), which will trap blood in the penis to allow a longer erection once it gets up, especially with Viagra or the other such drugs.
> 
> ...


There are sublingual trouches that dont pass through stomach, so meals sre irrelevant. I used them 1 hour before sex.

Cialis daily is another option,

IMO his problem is death grip. Stop the whacking totally. Get a c**k ring. Only stimulation from wife. Vjj, her hand, or her mouth. Keep his hands off (of himself).
More and longer buildup.


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## coolhead12 (17 d ago)

Rus47 said:


> There are sublingual trouches that dont pass through stomach, so meals sre irrelevant. I used them 1 hour before sex.
> 
> Cialis daily is another option,
> 
> ...


Is death grip inability to ejaculate or inability to maintain an erection or both?

I wonder how long I need to wait before I can have PIV sex improvements.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

coolhead12 said:


> Is death grip inability to ejaculate or inability to maintain an erection or both?
> 
> I wonder how long I need to wait before I can have PIV sex improvements.


Death grip is usually an issue with orgasm, not erection.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

coolhead12 said:


> Is death grip inability to ejaculate or inability to maintain an erection or both?
> 
> I wonder how long I need to wait before I can have PIV sex improvements.


I am thinking you have trained your body to only respond to a tight grip of your own hand. When that is removed you arent getting enough stimulation to remain erect.

You have to retrain your body to stimulation a woman’s body is able to provide. There are positions and methods of increasing her vagina’s stimulation of you. Some woman can grip you tightly, but they have to have exercised their pelvic floor to accomplish that.

So keep your hand off of yourself after you get a ring on and focus on being stimulated by your wife for every session.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

C-Ock ring


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