# Wife Does Not Find me Attractive



## Data Man

My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years (no kids). Prior to get married we dated for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. So in total we've been together for just under 7 years. 

In the past year, she has constantly reminded me that she does not find me attractive. It first started with a few comments here and there and has progressivly got worse as the year went on. The comments can be as subtle as mentioning how she wishes my eyes were bigger or that my hair should have more volume to comments outright cruel such as "I settled. I could've got a better looking husband" or mentioning how her ex-boyfriends have all been better looking.

We have talked about how this bothers me and gave even brought up divorce if she really means everything she says. But time after time she begs not to divorce and that she will try to stop talking to this way. Then a couple weeks go by and back to her comments. 

Our sex life has also suffered in the past year. The frequency of sex has dwindled from twice a week, to once a week, to once a month. Although she doesn't admit it, I believe this could be a result of how she sees me physically.

For the record, I don't believe I am ugly by any means. I am in my early 30s, work out 5 days a week so maintain a athletic build, and prior to her making all these comments, I thought myself to be a decent looking guy.

I am 100% sure she is not cheating as we spend almost the whole day together (commute to and from work and never really do things on our own).

With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great. We do plenty of activities together, share the same interests, and get along fine. 

At this point, I have pretty much given up. We have the same conversation over and over about her needing to stop and she agrees that she has to and doesn't know why she does it. It has gotten to the point that I left for and spent a week in a hotel with the expectation of getting a divorce. 

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?

Thanks


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## aine

I am a woman and will tell you first off, she has no respect for you. What does she expect you to do, have a body transplant or plastic surgery? She sounds incredibly shallow and childish.
Ask her this the next time. Ask her does she realise how offensive and hurtful she is being. Ask her how she would feel if you started telling her negative things about certain aspects of her body. I am sure she is not perfect.
Tell her if she doesn't stop with this, you will have no choice but to divorce her and find someone who will actually appreciate you. Be firm but loving.



Give her a timeframe. If she doesn't change, then you cannot stay in a marriage like this. 

The other thing you have to consider is if she is comparing you with someone else who is in the picture. When did this behaviour start?


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## *Deidre*

I want to cry reading your post.  How sad that she says these things, why did she marry you? I'd think about leaving, and definitely don't bring kids right now into the situation. You might be spending all your time together (you think) but she could be in an emotional affair, like maybe something she started on facebook or something. I'd not discount that. Hoping things get better for you.


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## GuyInColorado

Sorry brother. You can't recover from this. People can't control who they are attractive to. Just let her go. Go find someone that wants your d!ck everyday. There are plenty of good looking women out there that will do just that. Trust me!

What's in it for you to stay married to her? You have no kids. You are lucky! Divorce will be simple and you're young. Plenty of time to start over. I got divorced last year and it was the best thing that could ever happen to me. 

File for divorce tomorrow and get your new life started NOW!


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## farsidejunky

She is either lying and a bit looney, or being truthful and scared to be alone.

Either situation calls for the same solution.

Set her free.


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## Data Man

Thanks for the replies. I know that the logical thing to do is to end the marriage, which I've told her is what will happen if things don't drastically change. 

I'm pretty certain she is not physically cheating on me with anyone but I would say she is definitely emotionally cheating on me with every guy she finds more attractive then me. Whether it is a random guy at a store, guy on tv, etc she always obsesses on how she could've had a guy like that but is stuck with me. 

I know divorce is probably the answer but it's just hard knowing that it's just this one thing in her mind that is eating away at her and ultimately ruining the marriage.


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## Emerging Buddhist

This is only the tip of that iceberg... there is much more you may not be seeing under this surface.


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## sokillme

Data Man said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years (no kids). Prior to get married we dated for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. So in total we've been together for just under 7 years.
> 
> In the past year, she has constantly reminded me that she does not find me attractive. It first started with a few comments here and there and has progressivly got worse as the year went on. The comments can be as subtle as mentioning how she wishes my eyes were bigger or that my hair should have more volume to comments outright cruel such as "I settled. I could've got a better looking husband" or mentioning how her ex-boyfriends have all been better looking.
> 
> We have talked about how this bothers me and gave even brought up divorce if she really means everything she says. But time after time she begs not to divorce and that she will try to stop talking to this way. Then a couple weeks go by and back to her comments.
> 
> Our sex life has also suffered in the past year. The frequency of sex has dwindled from twice a week, to once a week, to once a month. Although she doesn't admit it, I believe this could be a result of how she sees me physically.
> 
> For the record, I don't believe I am ugly by any means. I am in my early 30s, work out 5 days a week so maintain a athletic build, and prior to her making all these comments, I thought myself to be a decent looking guy.
> 
> I am 100% sure she is not cheating as we spend almost the whole day together (commute to and from work and never really do things on our own).
> 
> With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great. We do plenty of activities together, share the same interests, and get along fine.
> 
> At this point, I have pretty much given up. We have the same conversation over and over about her needing to stop and she agrees that she has to and doesn't know why she does it. It has gotten to the point that I left for and spent a week in a hotel with the expectation of getting a divorce.
> 
> Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?
> 
> Thanks


Just divorce her. She doesn't find you attractive and on top of that she is a jerk. The rest of your life will thank you.


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## ZedZ

There is no way in hell that I would/could put up with that. I'm having issues with my M but if W said that to my face it's over...M 30+


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## gone_rogue

I can't imagine being cruel enough to stay that to someone. I had an issue with my husband's hairstyle and did not tell him for six or seven years. When I did, I didn't tell him he was unattractive. I simply told him the hairstyle was aging him. It was a combover. He was very hurt but now he thinks shaving his head was the best thing he has ever done.

We are currently separated, but it has nothing to do with that ;-)

Have you guys ever seen a therapist together? It would be interesting to see what their opinion was and what her reasoning is for telling you that.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## bandit.45

Sometimes self respect trumps love. This is one of those times.


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## BobSimmons

Data Man said:


> With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great.
> 
> Thanks


Yeah great, with the exception of her saying the stuff that almost makes you want to divorce her.

See this is almost like when someone gets cheated on and they say apart from the cheating everything is great. You literally have this gigantic underlying issue in your marriage that bubbles up every once in while, that chips away at your self worth, sure you can hang out, have "fun" but imagine years and years of this treatment, your self worth will be in the toilet by the end.

100% she might not cheat, but does it matter, if she tells you you're ugly and won't have sex with you?

And stop telling her how much it hurts you. It's weak, as you've seen she'll go right ahead and keep doing it. 

Maybe she just doesn't ahem..find you attractive. Believe what she's saying to you is her truth, you can't force her to bang you or to find you attractive can you?


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## flyhigher

Wow. she just doesn't sound like a very nice person. I wouldn't speak that way to anyone, much less someone I loved. She's mean, that's the bottom line. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who's mean to me!!


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## Marc878

Check your phone bill.


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## Marc878

Data Man said:


> Thanks for the replies. I know that the logical thing to do is to end the marriage, which I've told her is what will happen if things don't drastically change.
> 
> I'm pretty certain she is not physically cheating on me with anyone but I would say she is definitely emotionally cheating on me with every guy she finds more attractive then me. Whether it is a random guy at a store, guy on tv, etc she always obsesses on how she could've had a guy like that but is stuck with me.
> 
> I know divorce is probably the answer but it's just hard knowing that it's just this one thing in her mind that is eating away at her and ultimately ruining the marriage.


Read up
http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=AwrB..._Guy.pdf/RK=0/RS=YLL_ubWY9RiKstXutMPiIiU0xAE-

I can guarantee you the world won't end and the sun will come up in the mornings without her in your life. Why take this crap?


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## jb02157

There are some women who say things but really don't think about how terribly hurtful the things that were said are to you. It's really awful when one of them turn out to be your wife. This is just one of the ways our marriage got off to a horrible start. I know how you feel and agree with most that you should at least work with her to get her to respect you and try to be mindful how much this hurts you. I do think that really the only way to stop this permanently is to divorce her.


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## 3Xnocharm

Divorce her. Why in hell would you stay with someone who isnt attracted to you??


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## Yeswecan

Data Man said:


> Thanks for the replies. I know that the logical thing to do is to end the marriage, which I've told her is what will happen if things don't drastically change.
> 
> I'm pretty certain she is not physically cheating on me with anyone but I would say she is definitely emotionally cheating on me with every guy she finds more attractive then me. Whether it is a random guy at a store, guy on tv, etc she always obsesses on how she could've had a guy like that but is stuck with me.
> 
> I know divorce is probably the answer but it's just hard knowing that it's just this one thing in her mind that is eating away at her and ultimately ruining the marriage.


Your W may have more than just one thing on her mind. Personally, I would look to move on and find someone who does not put others down due to looks.


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## UnicornCupcake

Are you sure you're as attractive as you think you are? What are your hygiene habits like? My husband has a body most men would kill for, but his oral hygiene is pretty poor. His entire family does not take pride in their teeth so I blame them, but as an adult it's disgusting and I confess I belittle him if he goes on day 5 without brushing. Sorry. Not sorry. Do you just throw on some sweats and never do your hair? Her treatment of you isn't right, but it's one thing to be decent looking and quite another not to put in any effort. As a woman it takes so mch ****ing effort to maintain an apperance that I want my equal. All of the shaving, waxing, tanning, highlights, manicures.. That's just BASIC care. Maybe she wants more effort on your part?


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## Steve1000

Data Man said:


> Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?
> 
> Thanks


Even if your wife was not such a clod by reminding you that she doesn't find you attractive and telling you that her ex-boyfriends were much more attractive, you would still have a wife that doesn't find you attractive. If your wife simply stops reminding you about it, you still would not really feel much better. Consider ending it and then look for a lady who is as in to you as you are to her. It takes time and a bit of luck to find such a person, but even being single would likely be a big improvement. 

Some men don't care if their wife thinks they're unattractive, but you're not one of those men.


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## bandit.45

She's a rude, cruel, inconsiderate b!tch. That would be the reason I would divorce her. 

You being unattractive to her is something you cannot fix. You staying married to her hateful ass IS something you can fix.


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## MrsAldi

farsidejunky said:


> She is either lying and a bit looney, or being truthful and scared to be alone.


I think also she's scared to be alone and insecure. It's sort of akin to bullying behaviour, the more she puts you down, the more (she thinks) you will stay because you'll will think nobody will want you. You begin to think that you're worthless basically. 

My ex did this, it still affects me to this day. 
Looking back, it was the first signs of what became an abusive relationship. 

Follow your gut instincts, you know that you deserve better than this, don't wait until it gets worse. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Middle of Everything

Divorce her.

Then find a counselor to work on your self esteem. Someone could look like Sloth from the Goonies and they dont deserve to be treated the way you are by your wife. Your looks and your wife's treatment of you are two seperate things.


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## SunCMars

,You are her sounding board. She is bouncing her inner desires against your outer shell. And that shell [to her] is bland.

She has exceptional vision. Yes, she does.

She can look right through you, not see you. Not see any value in you.

She only sees herself as being.....unhappy. 

You see, she is a believer in the "Value Added" theorem. She has no intrinsic value unless she can stand in the shadow of an attractive man. 

She only sees herself as being....unhappy. I see her as being incomplete. She has low esteem. She has low esteem and it is your fault.

Her outlook is flat as a smooth board. And you have caused her to be.......bored....with you

She is a Flat Earther. She sees everything in 'two' dimensions, viz., 1) A man's looks -and- 2) Her standing next to that man . She inflates her deflated ego by idolizing the plastic entities that fill the streets of Hollywood, of Bollywood. She and her ilk stand in the shadows of two legged Shadows.

Have you noticed that the plainest people, those that are "judged" to be five or sixes on a scale of ten, wear the most outlandish clothes, wear their hair in a style that makes others look. They get the most tattoos...most outlandish tattoos. Add the ear lobe inner rings, the nose and lip rings. You get the picture.

These same sad folks worship the "perceived" Nines and Tens. You know, those good lookers that exist on the surface of life's ocean.

Why? Because these dependent souls are not comfortable in their own skin....and it is "your" fault. 

She is "Shallow Sal" and you are not shallow Hal, hence your pain.

Trade her in for a women with good eyesight.... with good sensate. Trade her in for a women who will stroke your Ego. Both of them.


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## bandit.45

Post a quick pic of yourself, or send one in a PM to a volunteer from the TAM Lady Corps to look at you. I would venture you are not unattractive at all.


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## Andy1001

Data Man said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years (no kids). Prior to get married we dated for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. So in total we've been together for just under 7 years.
> 
> In the past year, she has constantly reminded me that she does not find me attractive. It first started with a few comments here and there and has progressivly got worse as the year went on. The comments can be as subtle as mentioning how she wishes my eyes were bigger or that my hair should have more volume to comments outright cruel such as "I settled. I could've got a better looking husband" or mentioning how her ex-boyfriends have all been better looking.
> 
> We have talked about how this bothers me and gave even brought up divorce if she really means everything she says. But time after time she begs not to divorce and that she will try to stop talking to this way. Then a couple weeks go by and back to her comments.
> 
> Our sex life has also suffered in the past year. The frequency of sex has dwindled from twice a week, to once a week, to once a month. Although she doesn't admit it, I believe this could be a result of how she sees me physically.
> 
> For the record, I don't believe I am ugly by any means. I am in my early 30s, work out 5 days a week so maintain a athletic build, and prior to her making all these comments, I thought myself to be a decent looking guy.
> 
> I am 100% sure she is not cheating as we spend almost the whole day together (commute to and from work and never really do things on our own).
> 
> With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great. We do plenty of activities together, share the same interests, and get along fine.
> 
> At this point, I have pretty much given up. We have the same conversation over and over about her needing to stop and she agrees that she has to and doesn't know why she does it. It has gotten to the point that I left for and spent a week in a hotel with the expectation of getting a divorce.
> 
> Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?
> 
> Thanks


Let me get this straight.
Your wife insults you regularly,putting you down and admiring other guys.
You have very little or no sex.
You tell her this is hurting you but she doesn't care.
Other than that you have a great marriage.
This is like the old line"apart from that,did you enjoy the play Mrs Lincoln"
You're wife doesn't give a rats ass about you or your meaningless ultimations.
Get out and stay out.


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## Edward333

Sounds like she's trying to get you to divorce her. Take her offer.


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## GusPolinski

Data Man said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years (no kids). Prior to get married we dated for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. So in total we've been together for just under 7 years.
> 
> In the past year, she has constantly reminded me that she does not find me attractive. It first started with a few comments here and there and has progressivly got worse as the year went on. The comments can be as subtle as mentioning how she wishes my eyes were bigger or that my hair should have more volume to comments outright cruel such as "I settled. I could've got a better looking husband" or mentioning how her ex-boyfriends have all been better looking.
> 
> We have talked about how this bothers me and gave even brought up divorce if she really means everything she says. But time after time she begs not to divorce and that she will try to stop talking to this way. Then a couple weeks go by and back to her comments.
> 
> Our sex life has also suffered in the past year. The frequency of sex has dwindled from twice a week, to once a week, to once a month. Although she doesn't admit it, I believe this could be a result of how she sees me physically.
> 
> For the record, I don't believe I am ugly by any means. I am in my early 30s, work out 5 days a week so maintain a athletic build, and prior to her making all these comments, I thought myself to be a decent looking guy.
> 
> I am 100% sure she is not cheating as we spend almost the whole day together (commute to and from work and never really do things on our own).
> 
> With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great. We do plenty of activities together, share the same interests, and get along fine.
> 
> At this point, I have pretty much given up. We have the same conversation over and over about her needing to stop and she agrees that she has to and doesn't know why she does it. It has gotten to the point that I left for and spent a week in a hotel with the expectation of getting a divorce.
> 
> Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?
> 
> Thanks


Do either of you work outside the home?

If so, she's cheating.


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## Satya

You should read:  I Hate You Don't Leave Me.


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## katiecrna

This is not about looks it's about respect. She has none for you, and you have none for yourself. Be firm, and put your foot down. She says it again... say your loving out and get separated. You need to mean business if you want her to change and start to appreciate and respect you.


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## MattMatt

I get this type of 'honesty' from my wife. 

Is your wife on the ASD spectrum, by any chance?


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## Almost-Done

Data Man said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years (no kids). Prior to get married we dated for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. So in total we've been together for just under 7 years.
> 
> In the past year, she has constantly reminded me that she does not find me attractive. It first started with a few comments here and there and has progressivly got worse as the year went on. The comments can be as subtle as mentioning how she wishes my eyes were bigger or that my hair should have more volume to comments outright cruel such as "I settled. I could've got a better looking husband" or mentioning how her ex-boyfriends have all been better looking.
> 
> We have talked about how this bothers me and gave even brought up divorce if she really means everything she says. But time after time she begs not to divorce and that she will try to stop talking to this way. Then a couple weeks go by and back to her comments.
> 
> Our sex life has also suffered in the past year. The frequency of sex has dwindled from twice a week, to once a week, to once a month. Although she doesn't admit it, I believe this could be a result of how she sees me physically.
> 
> For the record, I don't believe I am ugly by any means. I am in my early 30s, work out 5 days a week so maintain a athletic build, and prior to her making all these comments, I thought myself to be a decent looking guy.
> 
> I am 100% sure she is not cheating as we spend almost the whole day together (commute to and from work and never really do things on our own).
> 
> With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great. We do plenty of activities together, share the same interests, and get along fine.
> 
> At this point, I have pretty much given up. We have the same conversation over and over about her needing to stop and she agrees that she has to and doesn't know why she does it. It has gotten to the point that I left for and spent a week in a hotel with the expectation of getting a divorce.
> 
> Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?
> 
> Thanks


You can try marriage counseling together, but aside from that, nothing. In fact, it can make it worse if you have a bad marriage counselor. You'd be amazed how some are just really really bad. 

However, I will tell you, if you have no self respect, how do you expect others to treat you? You need to respect yourself first before others will start to respect you. It's just a fact of life.


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## snerg

Data Man said:


> Thanks for the replies. I know that the logical thing to do is to end the marriage, which I've told her is what will happen if things don't drastically change.
> 
> I'm pretty certain she is not physically cheating on me with anyone but I would say she is definitely emotionally cheating on me with every guy she finds more attractive then me. Whether it is a random guy at a store, guy on tv, etc she always obsesses on how she could've had a guy like that but is stuck with me.
> 
> I know divorce is probably the answer but it's just hard knowing that it's just this one thing in her mind that is eating away at her and ultimately ruining the marriage.


Dear God.

RUN AWAY NOW.

At some point, this will break you.

Have you no respect for yourself? We know your wife doesn't!

Anyone that spoke to me like that would have been warned - knock that sh!t off now.
Next time it happened - you're canceled - I'll get another one better than you


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## bandit.45

MattMatt said:


> I get this type of 'honesty' from my wife.


Yeah.... we know.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Out of your entire post, the "settled" comment would irritate me more than anything. There are better looking men and women all over this planet so, I could give rat's ass about looks. Settling, to me at any rate, implies I bring nothing else to the table equal or better than your other lovers. I'd be out the door just on the fact you told me I was plan B. Uglier is just the cherry on top.


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## SunCMars

bandit.45 said:


> Post a quick pic of yourself, or send one in a PM to a volunteer from the TAM Lady Corps to look at you. I would venture you are not unattractive at all.


You too, Bandit!

You, then me!

I will send in mine...only if I do not have to unscrew one of my ears. I cannot risk having someone peek inside the pumpkin.


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## GTdad

The toughest thing will be wrestling your ego into accepting that your wife finds you so unattractive that she's happy to share that fact with you. Repeatedly.

Once you come to grips with that and are at peace with it, divorcing her will be easy.


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## MattMatt

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah.... we know.


But she is right. I ain't no oil painting! 

However, that said, if his wife *doesn't* have -for example- an ASD, and he is *not* unattractive, then she is lying to him and has some nefarious aim.

And he needs to find out what she is doing and deal with it. Whatever it is.


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## bandit.45

SunCMars said:


> You too, Bandit!
> 
> You, then me!
> 
> I will send in mine...only if I do not have to unscrew one of my ears. I cannot risk having someone peek inside the pumpkin.


So you're all orange and squishy inside huh?


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## Lostinthought61

UnicornCupcake said:


> Are you sure you're as attractive as you think you are? What are your hygiene habits like? My husband has a body most men would kill for, but his oral hygiene is pretty poor. His entire family does not take pride in their teeth so I blame them, but as an adult it's disgusting and I confess I belittle him if he goes on day 5 without brushing. Sorry. Not sorry. Do you just throw on some sweats and never do your hair? Her treatment of you isn't right, but it's one thing to be decent looking and quite another not to put in any effort. As a woman it takes so mch ****ing effort to maintain an apperance that I want my equal. All of the shaving, waxing, tanning, highlights, manicures.. That's just BASIC care. Maybe she wants more effort on your part?


Don't be an ass...there is no excuse for her language.


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## SunCMars

Ever hear the statement, "Familiarity breeds contempt?"

A little of that going on here. I believe it has less to do with your looks and more to do with her looks. Her feeling of contempt for all the little idiosyncrasies you have. We all do. 

Another isssue. She has lost respect and love for you.

How can a women attack a man and do so effectively? How can she really hurt her man? Especially, if she wants to break him. Break down his resolve.

A few things come to mind. 
She can tell him he is ugly.
She can tell him he smells. 
She can tell him he is a failure, by pointing out all his shortcomings.
She can tell him he is a lousy lover.
She can tell him he is stupid. 
She can tell him he is lousy in bed. 
She can tell him that he is an embarrassment to her and her family, to his family.
She can tell him that she settled for him. Her other boyfriends were better looking. She could have done better. She screwed up when she picked him.
She can tell him that she has stupidly put up with his bad personality, his bad mistakes, his lousy career. His lack of ambition. His low ranking in society.

She can tell him his **** is too small and she should have married her last boyfriend. The one with the big one.

There is discontent and malice in this women's heart. It may be sub-conscious, it may be her way of pushing him away, with the hope that he will leave her. She is too weak to leave on her own.
This has Mid-Life-Crisis written all over it. She is self destructive, no self destroying. The "self" she is destroying is him, OP, the husband. She wants to break him. Destroy his love for her.

This is classic lack of impulse control. The sharp tongue cannot be dulled lest it meet the steel resolve of a hardened man. Op is not hardened. 

I see a cutter in her. Only she cuts others. She cuts others with her words. Nay, not a drop of blood flows out, but emotional scars become the resultant. Those scars are on her husbands pride. Soon the scars will limit his Ego's mobility. OP's ego will become paralyzed and will just whimper away. 

Her "self" is in flux, has no handle to grip. No bodily handle to grasp, stare at, and understand. I see an un-winding Slinky. A Lady that is unwinding, wobbly heading down the stairs. Down the stairs, assisted by a lack of self directed purpose and a lack of the gravity of her situation, and her true feelings. She is suppressing that which cannot be forever silenced, She wants out, she wants the freedom to lust after the pretty faces.

She is a cutter, a Scorpio in flesh, in deed, and in action.


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## barbados

Data Man said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years *(no kids)*. Prior to get married we dated for 2 years and engaged for 1 year. So in total we've been together for just under 7 years.
> 
> *In the past year, she has constantly reminded me that she does not find me attractive.* It first started with a few comments here and there and has progressivly got worse as the year went on. The comments can be as subtle as mentioning how she wishes my eyes were bigger or that my hair should have more volume to comments outright cruel such as *"I settled. I could've got a better looking husband" or mentioning how her ex-boyfriends have all been better looking.*
> 
> We have talked about how this bothers me and gave even brought up divorce if she really means everything she says. But time after time she begs not to divorce and that she will try to stop talking to this way. Then a couple weeks go by and back to her comments.
> 
> Our sex life has also suffered in the past year. The frequency of sex has dwindled from twice a week, to once a week, to once a month. Although she doesn't admit it, I believe this could be a result of how she sees me physically.
> 
> For the record, I don't believe I am ugly by any means. I am in my early 30s, work out 5 days a week so maintain a athletic build, and prior to her making all these comments, I thought myself to be a decent looking guy.
> 
> I am 100% sure she is not cheating as we spend almost the whole day together (commute to and from work and never really do things on our own).
> 
> *With the exception of her saying these things to me and the reduction in sex, our marriage has been great.* We do plenty of activities together, share the same interests, and get along fine.
> 
> At this point, I have pretty much given up. We have the same conversation over and over about her needing to stop and she agrees that she has to and doesn't know why she does it. It has gotten to the point that I left for and spent a week in a hotel with the expectation of getting a divorce.
> 
> Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?
> 
> Thanks


NO KIDS --- GTFO !! Simple.


BTW, your response to her should have been, "Well it looks like I settled too. Now its time to fix that mistake"


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## Openminded

She's apparently bored with you and wishing she had her old boyfriend(s) back. She continues to say hurtful things because she can get away with it. And then there's the issue of no sex. 

I don't see the benefit of staying.


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## Blondilocks

At this point you don't have much to lose so start giving as good as you get. Your eyes may be small but they don't prevent you from seeing an ugly person and your hair may be flat but your thinking is not impaired. Let her know that you wouldn't screw her with another man's penis. Then have her mean, uppity ass served.


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## Tatsuhiko

I think you'll find that once you present her with divorce papers, she suddenly rediscovers her attraction to you. And the attraction will be genuine. She is playing some kind of power game with you, putting you down to see how much you'll take. I think she actually wants you to respond forcefully so that you can reassert your dominance and she can respect you again, and feel safe and comfortable. In "redpill" parlance, she's giving you a "sh** test". Take a stand now, in any case. 

But it's your call on whether you can respect someone who plays games like this and whether you'd like to stay married only to replay this game every few months. Good luck.


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## Evinrude58

When a woman tells her husband she's not attracted to him anymore, it's just a matter of time until she's cheating. I know it's hard. I know it seems like an impossible feat.
But she doesn't love you. If she loved you, you would be the most handsome man in the world to her.
She is just staying right now because it's easy to stay. 

No kids. As everyone says, the RIGHT thing to do is go find a woman that loves you. The RIGHT thing in this case is the HARD thing to do. But all we can tell you is what you should do. You have to be the one to make your mind up and do it.

But I truly think you should divorce her. If you wait until she cheats before you start detaching, I can tell you that you're in for a nightmare of pain.


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## SunCMars

Tatsuhiko said:


> I think you'll find that once you present her with divorce papers, she suddenly rediscovers her attraction to you. And the attraction will be genuine. She is playing some kind of power game with you, putting you down to see how much you'll take. I think she actually wants you to respond forcefully so that you can reassert your dominance and she can respect you again, and feel safe and comfortable. In "redpill" parlance, she's giving you a "sh** test". Take a stand now, in any case.
> 
> But it's your call on whether you can respect someone who plays games like this and whether you'd like to stay married only to replay this game every few months. Good luck.


I like this, I really do.

Try it. Try her skin on for size.

Loom large and in charge. Tower over her ****.

When she starts criticizing you, press your nose against hers and tell her to get undressed. Do not take no for an answer. This will test out Tatsuhiko's theory. He may be co-rectal.

I have a very dominant wife with a sharp tongue. I have used this technique countless times. It works for me.

Some women need dominance....are repelled by Beta Fish......Data Mongers, Data Men. 

I am data driven, too.

They view factual talk as cheap. As in, boring. It is the bone that they want. The bone pressed hard against their fitful, neurotic lust.


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## straightshooter

Data Man said:


> Thanks for the replies. I know that the logical thing to do is to end the marriage, which I've told her is what will happen if things don't drastically change.
> 
> I'm pretty certain she is not physically cheating on me with anyone but I would say she is definitely emotionally cheating on me with every guy she finds more attractive then me. Whether it is a random guy at a store, guy on tv, etc she always obsesses on how she could've had a guy like that but is stuck with me.
> 
> I know divorce is probably the answer but it's just hard knowing that it's just this one thing in her mind that is eating away at her and ultimately ruining the marriage.


Data Man,

I stopped reading when I got to this post of yours. So lets recap.
(1) she blatantly tells you all her ex boyfriends were "hunks" and she is not sexually attracted to you
(2) you are close to living like a "monk"
(3) she openly flirts in front of you with other men. What do you think she is doing when you are not around.???

And you are 100% SURE she is not involved with another man. ??? i would not bet my 401K on that if I were you unless she is has a huge supply of sex toys that she is regularly using.

And eventually she is going to flirt with someone that she will meet up with. Understand something, if you do some reading, one of the main red flags for a woman in an affair is stopping sex with her husband.

Data, you have a wife who is being about as disrespectful as it gets, telling you how she could do better. She openly flirts with other men in front of you, and at the same time is denying you what is a mans primary need in a relationship, which is SEX.

Id suggest you get in somewhat of a detective mode without telling her and stop making assumptions about what she is or is not doing. there have been many before you than were SURE there wife was not cheating for the same reasons you are stating. it is time you find out for sure because I am guessing you do not want to live like this forever.


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## RideofmyLife

..


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## RideofmyLife

UnicornCupcake said:


> Are you sure you're as attractive as you think you are? What are your hygiene habits like? My husband has a body most men would kill for, but his oral hygiene is pretty poor. His entire family does not take pride in their teeth so I blame them, but as an adult it's disgusting and I confess I belittle him if he goes on day 5 without brushing. Sorry. Not sorry. Do you just throw on some sweats and never do your hair? Her treatment of you isn't right, but it's one thing to be decent looking and quite another not to put in any effort. As a woman it takes so mch ****ing effort to maintain an apperance that I want my equal. *All of the shaving, waxing, tanning, highlights, manicures.. That's just BASIC care*. Maybe she wants more effort on your part?



That's BASIC care? LOL. Only if you can afford it! :rofl:


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## Tatsuhiko

RideofmyLife said:


> That's BASIC care? LOL. Only if you can afford it! :rofl:


shaving, waxing, tanning, highlights, manicures...

I know my wife would LOSE respect for me if I did any but the first on the list.


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## Mr.Fisty

I find other females more attractive than my gf but that does not mean I am cheating on her. But if she stopped being attracted to you, then you need to detach and find someone else that is attracted to you. Simple, but hard to do because you are the one with the stronger level of attachment, the one that is more attracted to your partner.


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## bandit.45

Data, when the women of TAM are telling you to drop this gal, you need to listen, because more often than not the ladies here come running to the defense of their sisters. This is not the case with your harpy. You need to get out of this marriage before she destroys you.


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## tropicalbeachiwish

Mr.Fisty said:


> I find other females more attractive than my gf but that does not mean I am cheating on her. But if she stopped being attracted to you, then you need to detach and find someone else that is attracted to you. Simple, but hard to do because you are the one with the stronger level of attachment, the one that is more attracted to your partner.


I thought you were married?


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## bandit.45

He's dead. She killed him.


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