# Any advice?



## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

Short and sweet: Been separated now for 3 weeks this Thursday. I am living with a co worker at moment. I am wondering if I should do anything for Mothers day for my wife. I love her very much and miss what we USED to have 10 years ago in our relationship. Alot has gone on since then and we just grew apart. I want to talk to her and try to get things back right, but she won't talk. I have basically left her alone for the last 3 weeks, talked when picking up or dropping off kids only for the most part. She is very cold to me, even in emails. She has never been able to talk unless continually prodded, never the one to say sorry first, or even at all sometimes. I couldn't go back the way it was, she won't do counseling though. 

Should I even bother? Should I try to talk to her, is it too soon? Or maybe just too late? Although I am moving on, I still feel like I am in limbo, just waiting on something.......I want to move, either with or without her but I can't do a whole lot if I still think there is a chance with her, which there probably isn't. Her sister lives next door to out house, and she will be bashing me constantly and telling my wife she is better off without me. Really unsure what to do.

Any ideas?
Thanks.


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## chuckles (May 2, 2010)

Be the bigger man. If you love her and she's the mother of your children you best be getting her something for Mother's Day. Even if it means jack squat to her, you'll feel good for doing so and it will demonstrate a very POWERFUL example to your children that moms must be important if Dad still cares enough on Mother's Day to interact with her. Yes! Yes! Yes! If nothing else, send flowers.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

My only advice is to place yourself in her shoes, if she is acting cold it means she needs time to heal, she doesn't want to be in contact with you. Sometimes, we men think that by buying flowers and saying I'm sorry everything will be just fine. It is not, women think differently. Women need to see changes not just promises, specially if they have fallen short in the past.

You know your wife, some women may think that the chocolates, flowers, etc will be just a sign to push her kind of like to buy her love. Some others would expect something on Mother's Day. Remember, when things are fine women appreciate flowers, when things are not OK (I mean not ok as in separation not just a fight), they may not welcome them because they are just a reminder of how screwed things are.

You be the judge, ask her, it doesn't harm to ask her if it would be ok if you give her a gift. That you know that it doesn't solve anything but it's just to acknowledge her as mother of your children and to celebrate her day.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Difficult one, easily could be a damned if you do damned if you don't kind of scenario.

Perhaps do something but don't go overboard. Make sure the kids have something to give her and possibly ad a note from yourself. 

Tell her why she is a good mom - make it about her, not about you. Make it to build her confidence and let her know her sacrifices for the kids have made the kids the wonderful ones they are. Do as little as possible to make it about you, do not do it to win her heart, do not do it to hope for/expect a thank you. Simply do it for her.

Just my thoughts - I get the she wants space thing too- hard call.


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## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

If I were in her shoes, and I was for Valentine's Day (but that holiday is a bit different), I would not mind a Mothers' Day Card that was not too sentimental. I think you should find a card that explains your appreciation for the type of mother she is to your children, but nothing sappy that explains how you love her. Your expressions of love will only place guilt in her heart, which will be expressed as anger. She will be angry with you for making her feel guilty. However, do not give her a card that has Snoopy on the Front and simply says "Have a Happy Mothers' Day!" inside. This would be too practical coming from the father of her children. DO NOT get her flowers! She will not like or appreciate them. May be just a phone call would work. Just a quick one, you know? Just a call that simply goes like this:

[phone rings]

Wife: Hello?

Hurtin' Unit: Hi there. How's your day going so far?

Wife: Fine. How's your's going?

Hurtin' Unit: It's going alright. Hey, Listen. I just wanted to take a moment to tell you that you're a great mother, and wish you a happy Mothers' Day.

Wife: Thank you very much. I appreciate that.

Hurtin' Unit: You're welcome. Have a great day, okay?

Wife: I will. Thanks.

Hurtin' Unit: Alright. Talk to ya later. Bye.

Wife: Okay. Bye.

This is a way to extend a personal wish for her to have a happy Mother's Day, without getting too personal or mushy. However, you must leave the sap out of the conversation. You must sound confident and at ease with being on the other end of the phone with her, and you must not try to prolong the call, unless she gives the absolute impression that she want to continue talking. Even then, you must leave the sap out of it. Got it?


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

hey there, 
I'm all about doing what makes you feel good, you think she is a good mom, right! Then show her is some way that this is how you think reguardless of everything else going on.
I think if you are serious about getting your wife back, show her the man she fell in love with, go slow, eventually she will see it herself, little things, almost unnoticeable with start to convince her you are not the same guy she wants to be away from.
Read the book The Love Dare and see if you can't put a little of that in place for a while and see where it gets you, don't expect anything in return, if it doesn't work at least you tried for you, her and your kids.....
Remember be the best you can be, look good, smile, show her your a good dad and a good man.......
Give her time and space, it's tough but worth it in the end....
good luck


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