# Well I decided to "Man up" and "be a nice guy"



## ILLlogical (May 8, 2011)

And I am fully willing to accept the consequences of the outcome. As some know I asked for separation from my wife of only two years. However I do love her and with the therapy I am getting I am realizing that how we are going about this is wrong.

She is steadfast with separating, signing, getting my name off mortgage (both our best interests) and me moving to an apartment. Then we can "see if we can work things out." 

In the past two years we have dealt with family death, immigration, moving a FEW times, eloping then having a "proper wedding" and changing jobs. Talk about stressors. 

SO I decided to stop bickering about the money issues and separation and how it's hard and I wish we could work it out and decided to write an email explaining why we are stressed (all those things I wrote) and why I think we need to take an active approach to our recovery:
1. I continue with individual counselling
2. She continue with the therapist I found out she began seeing
3. I have coverage for marital counselling we would do.
4. We take active steps to reconnect: cook dinner once a week, talk, have a set date night, etc

I said I feel this is my true feelings and in my opinion the proper thing to do as separating and me moving are just two huge stressors that, to me, basically are not indicating working through some communication issues. We didn't do any major deal breakers abuse, infidelity, etc. I said I love her and I would like to reconcile this way. I asked her to take her time, consult with whomever and let's chat. 

Yes I once again course corrected. But I feel like if she doesn't see the real meaning in this, then I have to accept the fact that despite any fancy wording or rationalizing why we need to spend 10K (me renting, legal fees,etc) to separate and "see if we work" then I will know.....it's over. 

I'm hopeful this drives home to her but if it doesn't then I know those walls of hers are back up and I will face the consequence of making the hard/sad and right choice in asking for the separation to begin.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What do you want? Do you want to be with her or not?


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## ILLlogical (May 8, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> What do you want? Do you want to be with her or not?


Wow I must be a very bad writer or just emotionally drained as I clearly want to be with her and my letter showed the steps I think we should take INSTEAD of continuing with the separation. The last paragraph is that if she does not want to do anything but continue with a fast separation and get my stuff out of the house then I guess I have left no stone unturned. It isn't to say it's impossible to reconcile after we spend all this money on separation and me getting an apartment, however I think it's indicative of where her intentions are: moving on. My letter was trying to get back in the home, make some differences, and start rebuilding.


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