# Should I be in a bad mood today



## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

So Friday I wanted to have sex. Wife said she wasn't in the mood, but my birthday is on Saturday and id be getting a nice gift. I was a bit annoyed, because it has been a couple days. But I get a sure thing coming so ill live.

So my birthday comes around, and its a pretty good day. Later in the evening she is taking a shower and I go try to get my bday gift. And she says not now!! So im slightly annoyed but whatever.

A bit later in the evening, I lay down on my bed and im watching a movie as my Wife is getting the kids to bed.

I crashed and the next thing I know im waking up, the TV is off room is dark and my wife is sleeping. I look at the clock and its only 9pm. We never go to bed that early.

Anyways I go in to get my gift. And she says she is too tired, we will do it tomorrow. I said well it sucks to be me.

This morning I go for it again, its not uncommon for us to do it in the morning. But rejected. She said we will do it tonight.

Haha iv heard that before.

Anyways im really really pissed. But should I stay in a bad mood all day or let it go.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Yeah sulking and being pissy is sexy stuff. She will be sure to be all over you in no time. 

How often do you put the kids to bed? 

If she is rejecting you a lot you may need to figure out what the underlying issues are.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

I put the kids to bed pretty much every night. And I don't get rejected all that much.

Things are pretty good actually. Just was a slow week for things.

But this weekend left a mark.


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

Hacker said:


> I put the kids to bed pretty much every night. And I don't get rejected all that much.
> 
> Things are pretty good actually. Just was a slow week for things.
> 
> But this weekend left a mark.


Do your think telling her how you feel as opposed to the silent or pissy treatment might be more effective?

Anyone can understand why you'd be upset. Give her the chance to apologize or explain herself. Hope you get your birthday gift today


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

if she is giving it only as a gift and not desiring to have sex because she loves you then the dynamics are way off.

and most likely she has lost respect and desire for you.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

Alright things are better now.

We don't have issues with sex at all. For some reason this week has been kind of slow, only 2 times.

Anyways I was pretending like nothing was wrong, setup plans for lunch today with the extended family and then told my Wife I had some work to do this morning and I retreated to our home office.

A bit later she comes in, and asks if im going to make breakfast. I pretty much cook breakfast everyday, but on the weekends I go all out, omelets, bacon, waffles fresh fruit. unless I have to work. So I said im a bit busy but I can start on it in a bit. Then she apologized and kissed me on the cheek.

So I guess I can't be in a bad mood all day.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I would be seriously angry if my husband put me off several times in a row! Id come out and demand an honest answer. WTH husband? Have I angered you? Have I been disrespectful to you? Do I smell or something?

You should tell your wife you're hurt by her putting you off so many times. We can all overlook a time or two when things just aren't gonna happen. But several times in a row? Hell no!


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> I would be seriously angry if my husband put me off several times in a row! Id come out and demand an honest answer. WTH husband? Have I angered you? Have I been disrespectful to you? Do I smell or something?
> 
> You should tell your wife you're hurt by her putting you off so many times. We can all overlook a time or two when things just aren't gonna happen. But several times in a row? Hell no!


The thought of a man refusing sex at all is mind boggling. I can honestly say I've never done that. But then again, my wife doesn't initiate, so there's that....


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Slow is 2 times a week? Stop complaining, I think you need to be in a good mood because you having more sex than most married couples are having. So you get rejected once in a while? Don't be upset and pissy about it.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

I agree that communicating your dissatisfaction is needed but not so much because you didn't get "your gift" but because she didn't keep her promise.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Happilymarried25 said:


> Slow is 2 times a week? Stop complaining, I think you need to be in a good mood because you having more sex than most married couples are having. So you get rejected once in a while? Don't be upset and pissy about it.


By who's standard...yours? I wouldn't be satisfied with sex twice a week and have never had a relationship that had that little.. If they works for you fine but others are going to hold higher and lower value to it.

Further if my wife kept rejecting me like this I would be upset and downright pissed too. Now once In a while **** does come up and people are off for awhile but it was the mans birthday. And if I understood the post correctly she kept putting it off like it was going to be a big event on his birthday.......then she went to bed. Yeah I wouldn't be cool with that either.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

LuvIsTuff said:


> The thought of a man refusing sex at all is mind boggling. I can honestly say I've never done that. But then again, my wife doesn't initiate, so there's that....


My husband did it once. Only one time....of course there were about 15 years in our early marriage where I routinely refused him. But thankfully, we got better.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> My husband did it once. Only one time....of course there were about 15 years in our early marriage where I routinely refused him. But thankfully, we got better.


So did he get pissed off regularly in that first 15? Do you wish he got pissed off? Is there a difference in the female mind between you getting pissed off and him getting pissed off?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Hacker said:


> So Friday I wanted to have sex. Wife said she wasn't in the mood, but my birthday is on Saturday and id be getting a nice gift. I was a bit annoyed, because it has been a couple days. But I get a sure thing coming so ill live.
> 
> So my birthday comes around, and its a pretty good day. Later in the evening she is taking a shower and I go try to get my bday gift. And she says not now!! So im slightly annoyed but whatever.
> 
> ...


The absolute BEST thing you can do and also the HARDEST thing you can do is to casually brush off a wifes refusal for sex. The worst and easiest thing you can do is get defensive, whinny and pissed off.

Make no mistake, your negative reactions are accumulative. Before you know it, twice a week will become once a month and then once every two months.

Brush it off, and find something fun to do on your own. 
NEVER let your wife think you are pissed because she turned you down, NEVER!

Women love a man that is in total control of his emotions. One of the most difficult emotions to control is when being turned down for sex.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening UMP
Not always. If I ignored my wife turning me down for sex, we could go (and have gone) months. 

Women with normal levels of desire will want sex with their husbands, assuming everything else is good in a relationship. LD women may be happy never having sex - and still be content with everything else - and will often not understand why their husbands are acting distant, "just because we haven't had sex in a few months". 




UMP said:


> The absolute BEST thing you can do and also the HARDEST thing you can do is to casually brush off a wifes refusal for sex. The worst and easiest thing you can do is get defensive, whinny and pissed off.
> 
> Make no mistake, your negative reactions are accumulative. Before you know it, twice a week will become once a month and then once every two months.
> 
> ...


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Look. If you have to hang a long face to get sex when she's not in the mood and she gives in just to keep you happy then I would bet the house that the sex wouldn't be that good when only one of you is in the mood. 

Takes two and maybe she's off her game for a week or so. If you never had this problem before, I wouldn't worry about it but if the subject is brought up between you two, let her know in a respectful way that don't promise anything and then take it back. All that does is create a problem.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening UMP
> Not always. If I ignored my wife turning me down for sex, we could go (and have gone) months.
> 
> Women with normal levels of desire will want sex with their husbands, assuming everything else is good in a relationship. LD women may be happy never having sex - and still be content with everything else - and will often not understand why their husbands are acting distant, "just because we haven't had sex in a few months".


I am not saying to stop initiating. I am saying not to be upset if you are declined. 
Women are not stupid. They KNOW men want sex, probably more than many things in life. I would also venture to say that most women think they can control a man with their vagina. All I am saying is, do not be controlled. Control yourself.
Self control is sexy to a woman.


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## CincyBluesFan (Feb 27, 2015)

Hacker said:


> I put the kids to bed pretty much every night. And I don't get rejected all that much.
> 
> Things are pretty good actually. Just was a slow week for things.
> 
> But this weekend left a mark.


Your life is good. Don't pick at it.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

anonmd said:


> So did he get pissed off regularly in that first 15? Do you wish he got pissed off? Is there a difference in the female mind between you getting pissed off and him getting pissed off?


I can't speak to the female mind. Anyone claiming to speak for the female mind must be a male.  think of heading cats...

He did not get angry, usually. Nor did he ask me important questions that would have helped both of us understand better. In his defense, how could he be held accountable for knowing which questions to ask and I hate to admit I might not have been honest in my answers if he had asked.

There were some deep issues I had but layered on top was a general feeling of being taken advantage of and not being appreciated. At the time, I felt like he only showed interest in me when he wanted sex. Of course this wasn't 100% true 100% of the time. It's just that this was such a STRONG feeling that it overshadowed other feelings.

I frequently ask myself what he could have done differently that would have been realistic to what we knew about each other at the point. He could have focused on our relationship more. He could have saved some energy for us time. He absolutely could have helped out more.

I wish he did get angry and show it. Instead he shut down and disconnected. It was the disconnect that prompted me to action. Anger I could handle, being emotionally dismissed I could not. I don't not think any husband should emotionally disconnect unless he has no desire to reconnect ever.

Between him getting pissed off and me getting pissed off... I think at the time I might have been too fragile to really look at myself to find my faults. 

Keep in mind, this is just me, not every woman.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Which husband do you think his wife will want to have sex with?

Husband #1
He initiates sex and is turned down. He is visibly upset, and complains to his wife that it's been x number of days and he wants sex.
He initiates the next day and is turned down. He is even more upset and sits down with his wife to explain his needs to her for one hour.
He initiates again on the third day and is turned down. He leaves in a storm, complaining that his wife does not care about him or his needs.

Husband #2
He initiates sex and is turned down. He smiles at her, and with a wink he tells her she has just missed the ride of her life. He goes out to run some errands.
He initiates sex the next day and is turned down. He quickly changes the subject and asks if she wants to go see a movie tonight. She says no, he goes by himself.
He initiates again on the third day and is turned down. He smiles and says to her, "I've been thinking about starting up a new hobby, I'm going out for some golf lessons, see you in a couple hours."

Which one of these men will gain respect from his spouse and most likely have enthusiastic sex on the fourth day?
If husband #1 and #2 continue with the same agenda, which one of these men is most likely get enthusiastic sex in the future?

All this to say that complaining about lack of sex to his wife, gets a man nowhere. (In time) If indeed husband #2 still is not getting loving sex, it's time to head for the hills.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> I wish he did get angry and show it. Instead he shut down and disconnected. It was the disconnect that prompted me to action. Anger I could handle, being emotionally dismissed I could not. I don't not think any husband should emotionally disconnect unless he has no desire to reconnect ever.


I've done that several times over the years, the disconnection thing. I've also done something to initiate or indicate some sort of re commitment each time. The biggest would have been buying the giant house she always wanted, that worked somewhat for a while. 

Anyway, for me the disconnection has nothing to do with emotionally dismissing her and everything to do with stopping the pain for a while. One can only beat ones head against a brick wall for so long.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Hacker said:


> ...Anyways im really really pissed. But should I stay in a bad mood all day or let it go.


Nope, drop the attitude as it will not do a thing.

Why don't you apologize to your wife for falling asleep and spoiling her surprise. 

Ask her if the two of you can schedule a repeat, or if not, can se at least tell you what it was.

My guess is that she had planned on doing something special for you: Modeling some sexy outfit for you, doing some kind of dance for you, etc. 

Good luck.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

chaos said:


> I agree that communicating your dissatisfaction is needed but not so much because you didn't get "your gift" but because she didn't keep her promise.


But only if there is a repeat pattern of promising and then failing to deliver. If this was one rare ocassion then its better not to give it too much undeserved attention.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

anonmd said:


> I've done that several times over the years, the disconnection thing. I've also done something to initiate or indicate some sort of re commitment each time. The biggest would have been buying the giant house she always wanted, that worked somewhat for a while.
> 
> Anyway, for me the disconnection has nothing to do with emotionally dismissing her and everything to do with stopping the pain for a while. One can only beat ones head against a brick wall for so long.


I hear you, I agree you do need a measure of self preservation. I feel the disconnect as abandonment, YMMV.


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

Well I dropped the attitude, and sex is now back on. Just was a slow week.

The funny thing was that she said she was mad at me, because 2 weeks ago I was in a weird mood and not going after her like normal. We did it like maybe 3 times that week, and she was like you totally missed out on way more sex. So the next week it slowed down.

Damn im an idiot, not making that mistake again.


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