# Husband is deployed



## SweetestNothings (May 12, 2011)

My husband is a civilian contractor that has been deployed for for almost two years and just signed another contract for a year+. Before he left, things were pretty good between us and I was really in love with him and who he was. We got married almost a year ago when he came home on a r&r. The past three times he's came home to visit, he's been a completely different person. He gets really angry and aggressive, and sometimes he hurts me even though he says he doesn't intentionally hurt me it's still really out of line. He says it's because he has to deal with so much being deployed. I've tried to understand and put up with it, but after two years I'm really getting to my end. He rarely shows me he cares or even tells me. I always get so excited to see him, and the last time he came home I tried to hug him and he walked right past me. I've told him how unhappy I was and asked him to try to work things out, but he hasn't seemed to take it seriously. I don't feel love for him anymore. I have no desire to see him, talk to him, or even think about him. He says he all of a sudden just _realizes_ that he needs to a better husband, but I don't know if I can really believe that. I think he's probably saying that to just keep me a little longer. Even if he really means he wants to change, I don't know if I can allow myself to trust him again. I don't know if I should try another year feeling miserable and wait for him to come home to get counseling for another year just to have my heart broken all over again.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

My MC story is in my profile. Men do change. I changed.

Almost 2/3 of divorces are initiated by women, so you are not alone in the feeling you are having. The felling of hurt, resentment, lack of trust, anger, contempt are all pretty common. 

War is a horrible thing that does nothing but hurt everyone involved. What your husband went through is also very normal. Its hard to feel and give love when you've been in a brutal environment. Also, it doesn't sound like you guys had much time to be married before this all happened. 

I would suggest getting the book "why marriages succeed for fail" and taking the quizes inside that take about 20 minutes. They are a good indicator of where people are at, why, and what the issues are. 

MC can work. 

Best of luck.


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