# Did you "study" sex



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Just curious, how many people made a deliberate effort to learn about sexual techniques from books or similar as opposed to just sort of figuring it out. 

I'm not counting reading / videos just for arousal, but reading to learn new skills (even if it happened to be arousing).


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## Kingrat (Nov 6, 2010)

I have, there is a lot to learn. I figured, if it is something so important, shouldn’t I try to learn from the people who really know?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I've answered your poll and no I didn't study about sex. Although I did know the basics about contraception and the like, from school classes and the occasional magazine article in girls magazines.

Aside from knowing the basics of contraception, sexual health and the like, reading about it at length wouldn't have offered me more than I learned growing up.

Since when I was 11 on a dare I kissed the prettiest girl in our year at school. Then this led to being 12 where I was friends with some girls including one girlfriend, who would let me watch them pee and show me their private parts and let me touch them and tongue kiss them on the lips and mouth as well. Of which they did the same with me. Plus I also masturbated quite frequently and learned to control my orgasm to prolong it and to make it happen quickly or to remain on the edge for a long time for a prolonged period.

When I was 14, I had another girlfriend which saw more kissing, more talking and more touching. Then when I was 16 I started attending a co-ed school, which saw me asked out by various girls, flirting with many and doing stuff with plenty. So through practice and mutual exploration with various peers of mine through being 16, I found out how to bring a girl to an orgasm, what they smelled and tasted like, what got a great response and what didn't.

Then when I was 17, I lost my virginity (for penis in vagina sex), which felt so natural and easy. It felt like coming home to a place that was comfortable and familiar. In fact through that and all the rest, sex has come so easily and has never been an awkward thing for me. Following that through 17 & 18 sex came easily and was outside of short breaks through being away, it was very frequent at usually 2-4x a day and sometimes even more.

I got to know my then partner extremely intimately and found through a process of testing and adjusting, I could influence so many things with respect to my partners sexual response. We tried so much before I knew there were terms to describe it. Things like sex in the company of others, sex with others, sex in public places, sex in costumes, golden showers, anal sex, restraints, spanking, oral sex, using my whole hand inside her, facials and other things.

The biggest thing was I was someone who had an all consuming lust to have whoever, I was with with wanton animal desire. Which was combined with being with people who seemed to mirror my all consuming lust and wanton animal desire. So knowing their whole sex was shared with them knowing my whole sex.

With very rare exception I found that I was with women who would do anything I wanted no matter what I wanted and this wouldn't be a one time or three time thing, I could/can have them how I liked for as long as I want.

This idea that women lose interest in sex or one needs to convince them to do things sexually is alien to my experience. Women that I have known are highly lustful animals, who are for the most part up for almost anything even if it is extreme.

As to books though I love reading and read a lot, I'm not really a self help book kind of person. That said if something like sex doesn't feel like home for someone such literature might help if one is wanting to improve things.

At the end of the day some people are and always will be woeful at sex, while some have a natural talent for it and are exceptionally good at it, while all of the rest fall somewhere in-between.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Like @Personal ~ in my formative, discovery years, of this "wonderful" new act, finding out about sex was only natural. And I wasn't exactly one to place a lot of stock in what my friends and cohorts had to tell me about it, nor did I have the courage to interview older adults about it!

And when I finally did lose my virginity in my early collegiate years, I found out that the act of sex with a woman, more especially on a continual, loving basis, was so much more complex than I had ever come to imagine!

Having said that, being the consummate student that I was, and without the aid of an internet to turn to, I read most anything about this naturally loving and complex act from the psychology/sex books in the library and book stores, all the way to the advice columns of the Playboy/Penthouse mags over in my college frat house!

And having lived a damned near full life, it is still just as complex as ever, even more so!*


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I got me a copy of THE JOY OF SEX when i turned 18. I went all the way to the city to an unknown barnes and nobles. I kept that book in my undies drawer for many years, using it as a reference. I lend it to my hubby a few times, so he could learn something new, when we were young.

I had to get rid of it when the kids started to poke at everything that was mine.

I am thinking of getting a copy for my son. The child should be able to read it. It has lots of pictures. 😂


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

brooklynAnn said:


> I got me a copy of THE JOY OF SEX when i turned 18.


My parents had it in their closet, so I'd sneak in and look. 

I voted 'yes' on the poll. (Are we allowed to have polls? :scratchhead

I've read endless articles and books about sex and relationships - mainly to try to understand men and how to better connect.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Like @Personal ~ in my formative, discovery years, of this "wonderful" new act, finding out about sex was only natural. And I wasn't exactly one to place a lot of stock in what my friends and cohorts had to tell me about it, nor did I have the courage to interview older adults about it!
> 
> And when I finally did lose my virginity in my early collegiate years, I found out that the act of sex with a woman, more especially on a continual, loving basis, was so much more complex than I had ever come to imagine!
> 
> ...


I never studied it per se.
But I did a lot of on the job training.


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## biwing (Feb 2, 2017)

I started out by reading a home care physcian's book, then to joy of sex, then to carma sutra and have been researching on the internet since it has become available in the late eighty's early nineties. Still learning and searching places like this forum to this day at late 60's in age.

I will never know it all even with the extensive 'hands on' personal experiences that I have had the pleasure of exploring!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

First time I had sex, I looked at her parts, and asked "what's that" 

:rofl:


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Read the book Intended for Pleasure.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

brooklynAnn said:


> I am thinking of getting a copy for my son. The child should be able to read it. It has lots of pictures. 😂


Please don't do that. :surprise:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I started reading about sex when I got into church and counseling.

Before that, I had no idea so many problems existed.

So yes, I voted that I have read up or studied it but only after years of satisfying sex as a single man and several years of very satisfying sex with my wife.

I've learned a few helpful tips from this forum but mostly in communication with my wife. TAM has helped in exploring areas to communicate about.

The women here have been very helpful.


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

I'm female and I have always been very interested in human sexuality. From the time I was about 11 I began actively researching anything I could find on it and ask questions whenever I found a willing conversationalist. I watched multiple types of porn (especially when a friend or boyfriend would describe things that caught their eye), read extensively on multi-cultural/religious perspectives regarding sex as well as basic anatomy, and once in college I actively studied human sexuality in the personal health, psychological, historical and anthropological perspectives. 

For a while I even worked as a (fully-clothed) gogo dancer in a sex club in the nation's capital which gave me a whole new range of perspectives to learn about. I was introduced to the massive range of fetish and kink types in the BDSM world, as well as had a really solid foundation in my research to understand it with a multi-faceted approach. I've met and discussed sex with a massive range of individuals which had both been extremely educational and very fascinating for me. I've often wondered if I should return to school and get a degree that might offer a career in research thanks to my curiosity hahaha


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Ah yes, Joy of Sex - yes I studied! And I still do study. I love talk about sex (well anonymously, places like here, my friends probably think I a prude!), learn, read, study... and explore. I have also taken classes on massage - while its not "sex" there is a lot to be said about developing an intuitive touch, and the various ways you can bring pleasure to another person.



brooklynAnn said:


> I got me a copy of THE JOY OF SEX when i turned 18. I went all the way to the city to an unknown barnes and nobles....
> 
> I am thinking of getting a copy for my son. The child should be able to read it. It has lots of pictures. 😂





minimalME said:


> My parents had it in their closet, so I'd sneak in and look.


My mom kept a copy on the book self (what can I say, SF hippies). I started browsing when I was around 14-15 (lost my virginity at 16). She also kept condoms in the closet in case I, or my friends needed them. She believed if kids are going to do it, they might as well be informed and have access to safety measures. 



sokillme said:


> Please don't do that. :surprise:


Well - I don't know how old her son is, but why not? If teens are going to have sex, they might was well understand how their body, and pleasure works. Compared to many horror stories I have heard, my first sexual experiences were very positive, and pleasurable (with a strong emphasis on safe sex practices!). If I had been kept in the dark about these things, I don't know if I would have had the tools to make good choices.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

*Did you &quot;study&quot; sex*

I did a bit of reading but thinking about it now makes me realise how useless all of the information I have read was when transferred to ‘real life’.
All the things I was doing to my wife that I read about (how to be sensual, selfless, caring, giving lover etc); it all turned out completely wrong and pretty much useless for my situation 

Not sure there is much point reading up on it because everyone desires different things and there is no one generic formula how to please everyone. Just have to figure it out as you go.

I was always curious and persistent and that helped figuring out what makes my wife tick in the end. That, and chance.
But the journey never ends.

I remember having been sexually curious since the age of 4-5 (during naps in kindergarten, all kinds of kinky stuff was going on in which I participated). 
Also our kindergarden childminder seemed like sh had a crush on me (I remember she used to kiss me a lot which I found very exciting at the time).

I had some other sexual experiences during childhood but it was not until I met my wife when I was about 16 that I went completely nuts for her. I had to get 3 other guys off of her (who were interested in her at the time) and I have never felt more attraction towards anyone else.

I was rubbish at sex though, despite all the reading. It’s only recently that I am understanding better what makes her tick and it’s a joy to see her ‘blossom’ sexually.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

If I knew then what I know now!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

*Re: Did you &quot;study&quot; sex*



inmyprime said:


> I did a bit of reading but thinking about it now makes me realise how useless all of the information I have read was when transferred to ‘real life’.
> All the things I was doing to my wife that I read about (how to be sensual, selfless, caring, giving lover etc); it all turned out completely wrong and pretty much useless for my situation
> 
> Not sure there is much point reading up on it because everyone desires different things and there is no one generic formula how to please everyone. Just have to figure it out as you go.


Exactly, also I'm not so sure why society places so much important this so-called "experience" either. 

Each partner is different, and if you go in there thinking you know everything chances are you'll soon realise how little you actually know.

Like hell, I'm not even religious but I see nothing wrong with people who are chaste or simply romantics and want to save themselves for that special some*one*, though I do believe sexual compatibility is important and that has to happen pre-marriage.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Yes, I studied.

I decided early on that when I found someone I wanted to be intimate with, that I should be prepared to give her my best.

I knew that most men, especially young men, were woefully ignorant as to how to please a woman and that they learned slowly if ever. I felt that any woman worth my attention deserved someone who had accelerated the learning curve. 

Fat lot of good it did.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i do not know about "studying".
but i practice all the time!


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> i do not know about "studying".
> but i practice all the time!


Of course. OJT is the best learning of all.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Does watching Southpark and having Chef teach you about finding the clitoris count?

But no seriously I did. Sadly far more studying than "taking tests" early in life.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I studied sex because I am fascinated by human sexuality. I found that by learning what others do in the bedroom and fantasize about, I learned more and more about myself. I did occasionally read some instructional or how to material. But that interested me much less than learning about the vast differences there are in individual sexual desire and behavior. It kind of taught me that no matter what I wanted or did, I was just a normal and vastly different human sexual being, like everyone else is.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I am a constant student as sex as it’s a huge priority to me. I learn from each and every partner I have had. They have all been different in likes and tastes and I enjoyed learning about each one. What an unskilled lover I would have been to learn from a book that one size fits all. That has not been my experience. No two women have ever been the same


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## davep1128 (Oct 3, 2017)

I have! I am always horny and try to find ways to get her involved. So I do research as much as I can. 

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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Yes, I've studied the subject ever since I first became interested in girls over 40 years ago. But the real education came from lab and field work, and sufficient sample sizes for statistical relevance!


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I admit I DID read the "reproduction" section of the R encyclopedia when I was 10 or 11 haha

I actually started reading books and buying magazines that said "blow your man's mind with this new trick!" during my sexless marriage, trying to find ways to be "good enough" for him to want me.

It was wasted on him, but my current hubby seems to enjoy it lol


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

When I was almost fifteen I took a life saving course and the instructor paired me off with a girl called Denise,she was Seventeen.The classes were only once a week and I suggested to her that we practice at my Parents pool.
I learned an awful lot from Denise and I don’t mean swimming.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I'd have to go with large amount of ojt then older did read more on communication skills with women, after college. 

From the first time a young lady put my hand down her jeans, I was 11 and she was 15, which later I found out was kind of early but I've always been tall for my age....I was hooked.
Women have always been the most wondrous creatures to be with, have and enjoy. From junior high to marriage was one great pursuit, catch and release if needed. Or mostly it was get caught, which was great.

But always learning how to be a better man and better company to be with. I started college at 17, graduated in three years, and saw women from 18 to 30 on a regular basis. I was schooled when necessary but one has to always be open to learning. I lived with a young lady seven yrs older for just over a year one time, a stunner of you will, and we parted friends not longer after I graduated. *she slept naked because we jointly liked her naked due to the fact I could or we could have sex anytime, even if I woke up in the middle of the night and rolled over to her.

At other times I got lucky and was "appreciated" by most of the younger cashiers at a Publix I worked at after classes for a bit. This because I kept my mouth shut about who/what/where. I was shared with cashiers' sisters or friends who came in town for visits, many times without even a day's notice but I looked good in a suit if needed, but mostly rode a motorcycle and wore jeans etc., which many loved to go for a ride. I just followed their lead and the next thing I know is it appeared I was doing things right.
Now I would always say I was unavailable for long term as a rule due to school and work, honestly, and was always tactful but honest, saying I was seeing someone or more, else. I didn't always show up on time here and there, and would reschedule some times but always courteous. 
Where I grew up we were taught to love and care for women. Although I never, never told a woman I loved her until marriage....that was my line in the sand back then. Good or not, I suppose. 

I even was successful picking up women at the dmv, by accident. For all my years in college I had FWBs that were several years older, 25 to 30, and I was 18 / 19, as well as classmates.

After college I traveled with job, so that opened up whole new opportunities. We always wore suits and stayed in best hotels, getting picked up by women was a regular thing, across the US and Europe. 

So long story short, ojt with later reading. *after I cut off my ponytail and got a real job, and started life in earnest. Which was right after college. Been working ever since, the good Lord works things out.

Been married a long time now to a sexy and outstanding woman who has put up with me when I'm not perfect. To be clear, married many years, don't stray, and stay away from social media.


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