# Husband Wants Me to Sleep With Other Men



## callieco (Mar 8, 2015)

I'm not really sure how to go about this post. I've been married to my husband for 8 years. We have been together on and off since we were in middle school. We think that we have something special.

However, over the past few years...for some reason...he has started telling me that he wants me to sleep with another man. I had only ever been with him until a year ago.

I finally caved and had sex with an old high school friend. I knew then that I was _not_ missing out on anything. It just wasn't anything special at all. I'm glad that I did it but was not impressed.

He gets turned on by it and I try to understand but I don't. We forgot about it for a while and then he brought it up again. I think I want to and then I get scared and just don't want to. We end up having huge fights over it. I feel like he doesn't appreciate me but he says he loves me.

We have two small kids...ages 7 years and 15 months. We get a babysitter once or twice a year if we are lucky. He says this is one thing that we can do that doesn't cost anything and its fun. 

I ended up getting with another old friend from high school at his place a few months ago. This time was much better but..there's still nothing like my husband. Forgot about it again for a while and then his pestering started up again. So...I got with that guy again..but here in my home while my husband was in the other room listening. 

It was forgotten about again for a while. We ended up swapping (same room) with another couple about two months ago. I thought that was his ultimate fantasy and that this would just go away after. No...

He's started pestering me to get with the second guy I was with again. I'm finding it hard to budge this time. Its just not something that I care to do...its not really that fun or hot to me. We do it and its over...

I don't understand why my husband is wanting this. If our sex life is that boring, surely there is something we can do instead of that. If we didn't have our kids, I'd pack my bags. I'm just trying to make sense of this and cross my fingers that he will let this go.

I don't see how this could be normal or okay. I want him to get this out of his head so bad!


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

callieco said:


> I'm not really sure how to go about this post. *I've been married to my husband for 8 years.* We have been together on and off since we were in middle school. We think that we have something special.
> 
> However, over the past few years...for some reason...*he has started telling me that he wants me to sleep with another man.* I had only ever been with him until a year ago.
> 
> ...


Your marriage is in significant danger. Stop sleeping with other men, as it sounds like you are not into it. Swinging dooms marriages nearly 100% of the time. 

You are correct , this is not normal or okay...you are being coerced into sex acts with men other than your husband for his perverse pleasure. 

I would recommend you ask him...how if he loves you, he could possibly share you. 

The answer, of course, is he wouldn't. 

I am sorry. It sounds like your are hurting and probably feeling a bit used. 

Stop doing things you don't want to do. It will not stop. It will only escalate.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Stop doing shyt you don't want to do! You need to examine and fix your malfunction before you put your foot down with your H.

Get yourself into therapy to see why you allowed your Hs fantasy to make you into a swinger when it is clearly not what you want.

Your H will not stop. If he wants to rescue his marriage then he needs therapy too and you both need MC to overcome the wounds you two have inflicted with your stupidity.

Get yourself some help and communicate with your H that you two have damaged your marriage and if you don't start correcting and repairing that it is finished.

You enjoy getting used by other men or you don't. You enjoy other women getting plowed by your H or you don't.

It sounds like you don't. Grow up and take a stand. Your marriage is what you make it. Do you like how it looks?

Is this what you want for your children?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, stop doing things you do not want to do. You are setting yourself up for some serious emotional damage. It will also most likely lead to the end of your marriage.

Keep in mind that when you have sex with these guys, you are putting yourself at risk for STD and pregnancy.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

I don't mean for this to sound mean - however - you got on the train and allowed it to start moving. Sadly, I think you are going to have a hard time throwing on the brakes now - at least as far as your husband is concerned.

You say you did these things - and then it was forgotten. Not by your husband. He is on the train that he wants to be on - and he has gotten you to get on with him by your own free will. He did not forget what happened after it happened. He just used the memories of it as fantasies until you did it again. And I am guessing that at the time of these activities - your husband got the impression you enjoyed it - and now is wondering what is the problem. So you have already fueled his fire even more. 

You say he wanted you to have sex with other men - yet you did a swap on your third time? Sounds like he does not ONLY want you to have sex with other men - that was just the start to get you on the train. I suspect the train ride is going to get wilder and wilder - and he will eventually want an open marriage.

You are not going to be able to get this out of his head easily now. However - that does not matter. You have no control over him and his behavior anyways - only yourself and your behavior. So - the way I see it - your choices are simple. 1. Do not do it anymore - no matter what he does or says 2. Continue on with it - and deal with how it makes you feel. Unfortunately, the consequences of your choices are not so simple!

I do not recommend #2 - especially given how strongly you seem to feel about it, and for the record - I personally believe bringing other people into a marriage is not healthy for a marriage. 

So that leaves you pretty much with #1. To do this - you need to be firm and 100% adamant about not doing it again. You can not cave, nor even act like you are considering it anymore. You will have to firmly tell him you will not be doing it anymore - no matter what - and mean it with every fiber of your body. Tell him that you don't even want it brought up again - and that if he really loves you and cares about your marriage - he will drop the ideal completely - and instead will brainstorm about other things you can do together that are fun - and that does not cost money - or does not cost the end of your marriage. 

If you decide to do #1 - you also need to figure out what you will do if he decides to stay on the train - even if you get off! 

This piece of advice is to late for the OP- but for anyone else reading this thread whose spouse is pushing this kind of train ride and you are uncomfortable with it - remember, it is easier to not get on a train ride you don't want to be on - than it is to try to get off it once it is rolling full speed ahead. Don't let anyone - even the spouse you love talk you into doing something you don't want to do - and that you know is not good for your marriage!!!


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## mjalex (Mar 5, 2015)

Seek your own happiness! It's something you don't enjoy and it seems that you're uncomfortable. Why do it?
Have a serious discussion with your husband as to why he wants you to do this, and a few reasons as to why you don't wish to and see where it leads. 

This should be a deal-breaker. Every person has something they're into, but this is unhealthy pressure at its finest. 

Dealing with this just isn't worth your sanity, health, or self-esteem.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I would sit him down and tell him this is not exciting to you. That you feel like you are cheating on yourself your kids and your husband even though he wants you to. Tell him this is not the life style you want or envisioned your marriage to be like. 

Then tell him if he wants to spice things up between you and you only your open to try new stuff between you and him only. That if he's really stuck on this fetish of you being with other men then maybe its best to end this marriage! 

Ask him if he would consider counseling . 

If you don't take an absolute stand on this he will continue to prod you and pester you until you resent him and then it will be over.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

If you only get a baby sitter twice a year, does this mean your kids were home when your husband listened in to you an that OM having sex in your home?

:scratchhead:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> If you only get a baby sitter twice a year, does this mean your kids were home when your husband listened in to you an that OM having sex in your home?
> 
> :scratchhead:


Thanks for being braver than me. Curious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## callieco (Mar 8, 2015)

I posted this to get my feelings out and to see what others thought. I do not appreciate being called stupid. There's no need to be rude.

Yes, my kids were home and it was 2 a.m=- they were sound asleep and on the other end of the house. 

I did it the first time because I wanted to show him that I could follow through with something and that I could be slightly wild and crazy. I know it might not make sense to others- but he was the only person I had ever been with before this all happened.

I have put my food down. I'm not going to cave like I have before. We are either going to work on our marriage without this or we will have to go our separate ways- and I know that he doesn't want that. 

It does hurt and it makes me sad that he would even want to share me with someone else. He even questions why he wants it and doesn't quite understand the feelings himself.

I appreciate the advice very much and thank you to those who were polite.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Good for you! Nothing good comes from being forced to do something that in your heart and mind you know to be absolutely wrong, wrong, wrong.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Glad you're putting a stop to it, Callie.

As for this,,




callieco said:


> He even questions why he wants it and doesn't quite understand the feelings himself.


,,, theories abound. A good list here but it's not complete.


https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201007/why-would-you-do-watch-your-wife-another-man


If he can figure it out, maybe he can lose it. So long as he ain't bugging you,, up to him if he wants to understand it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I'm going to tell you something Cally that's plane and simple. Folks will tell you that's not always the case, but take it from a guy who was an escort for several years and participated, as the third party, in these wife watching episodes a few times and knows the score. When a man wants to watch his wife with another man, the love, if that's what you want to call it, that he has for her simply ain't what a man should feel for his wife. In short, his love for you is substandard and I don't give a damn what he or anybody says. Your getting badly short changed in that department, albeit a lot of woman don't care because the "romantic" part for their marriage is done anyway.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

thestairs said:


> And once I lost respect for him, that is the end to 'us'.


I keep telling the guys that once a woman loses respect for a man, it never returns and a woman cannot love a man she doesn't respect. You seem to confirm it.


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

callieco said:


> I'm not really sure how to go about this post. I've been married to my husband for 8 years. We have been together on and off since we were in middle school. We think that we have something special.
> 
> However, over the past few years...for some reason...he has started telling me that he wants me to sleep with another man. I had only ever been with him until a year ago.
> 
> ...


It's some fetish that some people are into to. If you are not comfortable with it don't do it. It's not ok for your husband to expect you to do something you are not comfortable with.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If he knows that you're not into it and don't enjoy it, then it's not the sex with other men that is getting him off, rather it's the POWER he has over you to get you to compromise yourself and subjugate yourself to his demands, that is getting him off. There is a difference...I mean, if you enjoyed it and it got him off, then that's one thing, but getting off and having pleasure from one's spouse doing something that goes against the grain of one's spouse's inner spirit, is not something that should occur in a relationship, except one that is based on economics. If it's just the kids that are keeping you in the relationship at this point, he's also taking advantage of that love you have for your kids...how low will you go when it comes to the kids, how much power can he get by leveraging them? Ugh, ugh, ugh...


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

I am sorry to hear that you caved and participated .

maybe you should pack and leave and filed for divorce . I would . 

you let him used your body to trade for his selfish enjoyment .

Would he decide to use your children one day ?

If I were you , I will check with the lawyer and see how I can record these conversations to claim full custody with supervised visitation for the rest of my children's life , in case , one day he decides to "coach" your children to participate in his perversity sex acts .

please protect your children .


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Fetishes are a slippery slope. If he gets more aggressive about it, it will not be long before your bond to him weakens and it will make you more susceptible to forming another bond with someone else. BTW, it is solely for him and his pleasure, your discomfort has no value to him. That is what fetishes are sometimes, what matters is that your a prop for his fetish. Your emotions and feelings are secondary at best.

You could keep doing this, and this is where a majority of women have issues. It is common to this lifestyle and it depends on the women involved. Most claim losing a lot of attraction for their husband, most will eventually do it for themselves, and a lot of them form bonds that a lot of them either run off, kick their husbands out, or move in their lover. It is the common scenario. Given enough partners, you could potentially fall in love with another person. People who fall in love with really high attraction have over a 70 percent of making that relationship last a lifetime. I knew a woman who left her husband of ten years for someone else who she has a more fulfilling relationship. In five years, they are still madly in love as the day they met. Her now ex does not compare to how her new husband makes her feel. I also know an older couple who made that type of relationship last for over a decade. Although in that case also, he was involved as well. It is a crap shoot at best. If you add in others, lets just say there is a higher potential for complications. Of course, people can get addicted to a lifestyle as well. You have an example in your husband. Who knows, one day he might leave you if you do not fulfill his fetish. I believe that the stat shows that roughly 60 percent of women are less likely to leave an open marriage lifestyle, and roughly 40 to 50 percent of men are less likely to leave an open marriage lifestyle. You can infer that sometimes a lifestyle can trump a relationship. People will choose what fires their reward center more.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Sounds to me he doesnt value you very much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CincyBluesFan (Feb 27, 2015)

He's sleeping with other women and this is how he's justifying it.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

"So I asked my girlfriend, ever had sex with a woman? She said no, I said you should, it's fun"

- Steven Wright


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

callieco said:


> I don't see how this could be normal or okay. I want him to get this out of his head so bad!


It's out of the ordinary but that's not the problem. The real problem is that he's pushing you into doing things you don't want to do. Things that I don't think anyone should be pressured into. It's making you question the relationship as it should.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

CincyBluesFan said:


> He's sleeping with other women and this is how he's justifying it.


* Either that or your H has some rather serious bisexual or cuckoldish tendancies.

And contingent that you still want to remain in a married relationship to him, you should seriously get him into counseling ~ the sooner the better! If he refuses to comply, then you're going to be far better off without him!

That is certainly no way for a respectable family man to behave!*


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

TheOMThatWivesWant said:


> This is a situation, what they nowadays call 'Cuckolding'.
> 
> Not sure who 'they' are, but IMO, each to their own - if a couple get off on it and, the marriage is strong enough to survive any 'emotional entanglements' then by all means, explore.
> 
> ...


No disrespect intended but you hang out with a very strange crowd.


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

Your husband unfortunately is normal! Nobody admits it. 
#1 watched, searched porn on the internet is threesome with two guys and one girl. 

Evolution designed human males use to compete at the sperm. The sight and sound of sex excite males. Males can hear women moaning better than a baby crying. Women moan to attract other males. 

Today the fastest growing porn fetish is Cuckold, Wife Sharing and Hot Wife. 

Your husband will get excited by hearing, seeing you have sex. Your sexual stories will excited him also. Evolution made him that way. All of this turns him on! Evolution design him to compete sexually at the sperm level. He will get harder, bigger and thrust harder and deeper after he thinks you have had sex with some one else. The head of his penis is design to pull seamen out will get 95% of it out. 

Now you know why he gets excited. I am pretty sure he doesn't understand this either. Only thing he knows is he is super turn on by the thought of you have sex with someone else. 

Remember it just sex. He sounds like a good man. Good Luck!


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Melvynman said:


> Your husband unfortunately is normal! Nobody admits it.
> #1 watched, searched porn on the internet is threesome with two guys and one girl.
> 
> Evolution designed human males use to compete at the sperm. The sight and sound of sex excite males. Males can hear women moaning better than a baby crying. Women moan to attract other males.
> ...


I think you're missing the point. Your thoughts sound scientifically accurate regarding this fetish but the issue is that he's pestering and pushing her to do sexual things that she doesn't want to do. It's to the point where she said in the opening comment that If they didn't have kids, she would pack her bags. I don't think that sounds like what a good man does.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

I think her husband would have a wonderful time if he went to live in the jungles of the Democratic Republic of Congo and live among the bonobos. These great apes share 98.5% of the same DNA as humans and are the ultimate swingers. He could marry a female bonobo and watch her all day screwing with other bonobos. How's that for an evolutionary thrill ride?



Melvynman said:


> Your husband unfortunately is normal! Nobody admits it.
> #1 watched, searched porn on the internet is threesome with two guys and one girl.
> 
> Evolution designed human males use to compete at the sperm. The sight and sound of sex excite males. Males can hear women moaning better than a baby crying. Women moan to attract other males.
> ...


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Melvynman said:


> Your husband unfortunately is normal! Nobody admits it.
> #1 watched, searched porn on the internet is threesome with two guys and one girl.
> 
> Evolution designed human males use to compete at the sperm. The sight and sound of sex excite males. Males can hear women moaning better than a baby crying. Women moan to attract other males.
> ...



Again, you are using cookie cutter logic to put everything into one view. Females also get excited watching their mates with others as well. You keep hammering about male competition, when females are 30 percent more likely to mate poach. Also, cuckquean is a growing trend as well, and is highly used in the D/S lifestyle. Even in other great apes, females are shown to attack other females for stealing their mate. Some male behavior shows that they are more drifter types. They cannot form attachments that well and they are equivilant to serial cheaters in human society. You act if every female loves this lifestyle, when it is shown that a lot of women will leave their partners over this as well. They lose attraction to their mates. Not all men have this fantasy. Including, the other prime apes with more sperm competition than us produce billions to tens of billions of sperm. We humans only produce 100 million, and gorillas produce tens of millions. Also in nature, the male would beat the other males, and then either beat the female or try and mate with her. Males and females do show mate guarding as well, and you seem to like to use only selective information to prove your own point. And as women are getting sexually more liberated, cuckquean is a growing trend which is incorporated a lot in the D/S lifestyle. Some of my gfs are cuckquean who are into voyeurism as well. Males are just the highest consumer of porn. But more and more females are getting into it, and females are getting into mate sharing as well. In polyamory weekly, a podcast site, I heard of some men having a wife, and they love to watch their men have sex with multiple women. In fact, one wife was okay with her husband having 3 or 4 gfs as well. Including some of the bulls are married and go wround sleeping with married women with their wives consent. Your cookie cutter logic does not work for everyone.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Melvynman said:


> Your husband unfortunately is normal! Nobody admits it.
> #1 watched, searched porn on the internet is threesome with two guys and one girl.
> 
> Evolution designed human males use to compete at the sperm. The sight and sound of sex excite males. Males can hear women moaning better than a baby crying. Women moan to attract other males.
> ...


I guess I evolved all wrong....It would excite me yes..

To horrible acts of violence.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> "So I asked my girlfriend, ever had sex with a woman? She said no, I said you should, it's fun"
> 
> - Steven Wright


I don't think that's how the joke goes, it's just not funny how it's written there. I googled it but came up blank.


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## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

Dogbert said:


> I think her husband would have a wonderful time if he went to live in the jungles of the Democratic Republic of Congo and live among the bonobos. These great apes share 98.5% of the same DNA as humans and are the ultimate swingers. He could marry a female bonobo and watch her all day screwing with other bonobos. How's that for an evolutionary thrill ride?



Hahaha! Oh man.

I studied a bit of Physical Anthropology (high focus on Evolution and how it affects biology/psychology) and it drives me nuts to see people using biology to explain complex social behaviors as if we all lived in the jungle and not highly urbanized complex social structures. 

Biology and evolution can explain why we gain weight eating processed food. It can explain why we have a sex drive that is not determined by being in heat like cats and dogs and it can also help us explain how primates have developed senses of justice. 

But biology cannot explain why we created the social institution of marriage, decide to stick to our social vows created in a religious or atheistic environment or not, explain how the court system functioned and law schools popped up and university systems for those law schools function. 

It must be what a doctor feels like watching all those hospital soap operas. THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO BRAIN SURGERY OH MY GOD!!!


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Melvynman said:


> He will get harder, bigger and thrust harder and deeper after he thinks you have had sex with some one else. The head of his penis is design to pull seamen out will get 95% of it out.


Sounds to me like you're mighty knowledgeable of what a man's pecker is able to do. Personally, I'm going to take your word for it. I prefer someone else handle the 95% removal part of it.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

callieco said:


> I'm not really sure how to go about this post. I've been married to my husband for 8 years. We have been together on and off since we were in middle school. We think that we have something special.
> 
> However, over the past few years...for some reason...he has started telling me that he wants me to sleep with another man. I had only ever been with him until a year ago.
> 
> ...



I know I'm late and it's probably been said 100 times in this thread but please stop doing things you are uncomfortable with. Do not let him bully you. You've tried to get into this lifestyle and can't. You've more than met him halfway. He's just going to have to deal.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

With all the threads about penis size,, do we really need 'scooper envy' too?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jolyajones (Feb 25, 2015)

what????? stop it and nothing doing it....


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

"I don't understand why my husband is wanting this."

"I don't see how this could be normal or okay. I want him to get this out of his head so bad!"

I was trying to help this women!... understand why he wants her to have sex with others... and it's popular today and normal human sexual behavior. 

I rarely post and even more rarely go back read responses to my posting. Thanks you all confirmed why I rarely read your responses. 

"callieco" couple things I forgot to mention. During male sperm competition the males in competition will have bigger and more powerful ejaculation/orgasms. In monogamous relationships only one testicle is used in the orgasms, in a competitive situation both testicle will be involved ejaculate more sperm to compete. 

Callieco it is going to be very hard to get him stop wanting this. Sorry for that!

Callieco I think your biggest fear is falling in 'Love' with one or your partners. You need to separate love from commitment. The word love in our society comes from the new testament, it is not found in the old testament. Origins of are greek and its really five or six different words. Two people can come together and be lovers and not be committed to each other. The the ecstasy of new lovers is addicting. Beware of that. You will lose interest in new lovers faster then your lover will. 

Our society sexual values conflict with real human sexual behavior. The values are based on men controlling reproductive rights to women.


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)




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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Mel, you could be right. If that's the case, I want to be the one other males are following "in competition to have bigger and more powerful ejaculation/orgasms". They can thank me later and tipping is always encouraged.


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## aoli dev (Apr 13, 2018)

callieco said:


> I'm not really sure how to go about this post. I've been married to my husband for 8 years. We have been together on and off since we were in middle school. We think that we have something special.
> 
> However, over the past few years...for some reason...he has started telling me that he wants me to sleep with another man. I had only ever been with him until a year ago.
> 
> ...


Oh God ... I read it and I felt that ,some one write my story ... Yes dear u not only one .. it is exactly my story.. I am really sad and I am trying to contact some one who feel this kind of feelings. 
I saw that when I told him that I will do for you then he would be not only a good husband , a best husband .but If I told him "no" for that , he try to break down me by emotionally ... He told me that if I felt this fantasy is wrong so why I did this .
The old friend of mine keep msging me .He told me that he like to chat with me.. my husband take my dirty picture and send him from my mob .. 
I dont want to loose him .. After 8 years of my marriage I want to told him that I dont love him for this reason , I am only tolerate him because he is my child's father . 

I dont know what will be my feature ?


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