# 95% there?



## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

Don't know if this is a red flag or what... For those that have been following my progress, in just 5 days I've made tremendous progress with my wife. We've slept in the same bed together two nights in a row and even did a little cuddling. 

So yesterday morning we are working on some stuff together (we own a business together) and she turns to me and says "I just wanted you to know that I'm not having sex with you quite yet, I'm 95% there but need to work some things in my head yet"

Hmm.... I think... Hmmm.... 

She says "It won't be more than a couple of weeks"

Crap! I'm ready to go NOW!

Then she goes on to talk about how the therapist she's been seeing has dredged up a whole bunch of unresolved issues surrounding her father and his lack of attention and lack of approval of anything she ever did in life and how she sees this repeating in our marriage (or was repeating until I saw the light).

OK, I can't force myself on her, but I want to try and initiate sex here in the next few days. I can't tell if this is a control thing... a trust issue or what. Part of me says, "we haven't had meaningful sex in months, so what's a couple more weeks." 

The rest of the relationship is really great these past few days. Lots of light banter, touching, kissing and such.

Thoughts?


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

My first reaction when I read this is that being 95% ready means you still aren't ready.

If she bumps it up to 99.9% tomorrow, you still won't be having sex. At least not yet.

Glad you feel optimistic - and don't mean to knock you down as I hope I'm wrong - but it sounds like a stalling technique to me.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

My thought is that she is very aware of what you want. It's on her mind. She knows it's on your mind.

Try to seduce her now and you reinforce _to her_, that what you have been doing is all simply to get laid.

In my mind, best thing you could do would be to continue fostering attraction. The timeframe doesn't matter. The results do.

If you truly believe that she is opening up to you, sharing more, is becoming more pleasant, engaging, playful and intimate, then you're on the right track. These are the things you need for her to want have sex ... and keep having sex. 

Guess my best suggestion would be to try being sexual, without the expectation of sex. Pull that off and you demonstrate your self control, for yourself and to her.

If she is openly telling you that she's not ready, and you just go for it, that smacks of selfishness and disrespect.

Remember, part of the success is getting her to come to you instead of you always pursuing her. Is that what's happening? Because it sounds like that is what you are describing.


----------



## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Deejo said:


> My thought is that she is very aware of what you want. It's on her mind. She knows it's on your mind.
> 
> Try to seduce her now and you reinforce _to her_, that what you have been doing is all simply to get laid.
> 
> ...


:iagree: 

Wow, and to think I was going to waste your time analyzing and expressing my opinion about your wife's words.

What's the point of that??

THIS tells you what you should and should not DO.

Yes, she's opening up to you.
Yes, she feels responsible for this gatekeeping and maybe a little bit of guilt.
Yes, she knows she's in the middle of a process.

Whatever comes from the playbook of "fostering attraction," keep doing it. 
Hopefully you arrive at a place where you aren't subject to only her timeline, but this is where you are right now, and it sounds like it IS progress.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Great progress. 

Sit TIGHT. She is telling you she WILL come to you. She even gave you a timeframe. Be fun - be playful. She WILL initiate. This is a case where LESS will be so much MORE. 

She wants to see that you have the self control to put her first. Show her you do. 




Deejo said:


> My thought is that she is very aware of what you want. It's on her mind. She knows it's on your mind.
> 
> Try to seduce her now and you reinforce _to her_, that what you have been doing is all simply to get laid.
> 
> ...


----------



## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

I might have played with her at that point and told her you were only at 94% ready yourself, but if she ups her game you might be ready in a few weeks - with a silly playful grin.


----------



## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

eagleclaw said:


> I might have played with her at that point and told her you were only at 94% ready yourself, but if she ups her game you might be ready in a few weeks - with a silly playful grin.


I'm not the best with the comebacks, that's her department. That quick wit runs in her family... I do my best and occasionally I get a good one in.

OK, sitting tight and being playful and fun!


----------



## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

I like to practice being a bit of challenge and tease with her and I think these kinds of comments to slightly change the dynamic, while being playful and fun serve the double purpose of challenging her, disarming her, and playing with her - all at the same time.

I look at each comment like that and think, "how can I PLAYFULLY, turn this around". For me, practices makes perfect but it can be fun - and she seems to respond to it.

My wife has JUST started initiating based on some of the actions of MEMS that I have been trying. The last time I told her I wasn't interested, and had something in the oven that I had to attend to. She said ok I understand. 10 seconds later she tried again, by stroking me. I told her I was crampy and why couldn't she just hold me with a silly grin. She said she was holding me - well my penis anyways. And got real aggressive. 

My intentions were to seriously turn her down and not go through with it - but who am I kidding I don't have that kind of will power!


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

EC,
Has got this nailed. And the example below is perfect. I also might playfully tell my W I am not her little "boy toy" - but that is just being a little "challenging". If she makes it clear she is "determined" I would never reject her. 

Being challenging is delightful - flat out rejecting someone is mean. 




eagleclaw said:


> I like to practice being a bit of challenge and tease with her and I think these kinds of comments to slightly change the dynamic, while being playful and fun serve the double purpose of challenging her, disarming her, and playing with her - all at the same time.
> 
> I look at each comment like that and think, "how can I PLAYFULLY, turn this around". For me, practices makes perfect but it can be fun - and she seems to respond to it.
> 
> ...


----------

