# What do wifes "NEED" from their husbands not "WANT"



## Snowman

So wife's I know all of you are different, but what do wife's *NEED* from their husbands not, _what do they want_:


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## reidqa

To feel young and desired, that is the secret.


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## marina72

snow.. 

I can't tell you what all wives need, but I can tell you what I need from my hubby.

I need him to really listen to me, when I need to talk to him, and to be interested in me, as a person, not just a wife or woman.

I need him to make me feel protected, secure, not just physical protection, but protect my heart also.

I need sex, sometimes just nasty, kinky sex,,, sometimes loving, close, true spirtual connection sex. Not every day mind you, but to me it's an important part of marriage.

I need him to remember my birthday and our anniversary, without having to be to told or reminded. This is mostly just because I need to know that I'm important enough for him to remember special days like that. He's forgotten before, and of course I didn't ride him too hard, but it'd be nice if he did remember that! lol

mostly I just need him to love me, totally and completely.

I have found that he doesn't always show me , in the ways I listed above, or in the ways, that I would expect he should/would, or can...

And that's okay, as long as I know he loves me. He does do the things mentioned above, sometimes... so I guess that is good enough for me. The point is, he tries.


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## KMDillon

We need to feel appreciated. Thank her for even the small things.


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## marina72

good one! dillon...


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## agatha

be sensitive to our feelings. you know most women are emotional.


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## sisters359

I don't need anything from my husband to make me feel happy or sexy, or anything else. I do need him to be an adult, however, someone who takes responsibility for his own actions and his own happiness. He cannot see me or treat me like his mother.

I do need him to be trustworthy and dependable, however, especially in a crisis. He can fall apart later, when the crisis has passd (just like I might). But falling apart during a crisis, when I have someone else to take care of? That's a deal breaker for me.


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## cone

sisters359 said:


> I don't need anything from my husband to make me feel happy or sexy, or anything else. I do need him to be an adult, however, someone who takes responsibility for his own actions and his own happiness. He cannot see me or treat me like his mother.
> 
> I do need him to be trustworthy and dependable, however, especially in a crisis. He can fall apart later, when the crisis has passd (just like I might). But falling apart during a crisis, when I have someone else to take care of? That's a deal breaker for me.


I get all the of this, but what you said is a powerful reminder for us men. Thank you. 

Among other things, this reminds me to stay strong and to not negatively respond to her fussiness when the kids get her stressed out.


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## DeniseK

Each of us needs something different. Some women are more independent. Some women need to feel needed. And some of us just need to feel like we are the most important thing to you. Remember that the husband is usually the leader. Any family unit runs better if the leader is considerate of all the members. I'm not saying you are the ultimate boss...just the top dog on the responsibility chain....think of the wife as the other half of you. How do you treat yourself? Do you go long peroids without talking to yourself? Do you ignore your own feelings? Do say negative things to yourself? Do you spend lots of time doing things that hurt yourself? Would you starve yourself? Silly Questions, but if your wife is supposed to be your other half....just treat her like she is. I think you might find that her needs will be met and so will yours.


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## unhappy at home

As already mentioned, all of us are different and have different needs. For me, I need to feel needed, that I am important and needed.


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## 1nurse

Respect.
Honesty.
Communication.
Affection.
:smthumbup:


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## Veronica Jackson

1nurse said:


> Respect.
> Honesty.
> Communication.
> Affection.
> :smthumbup:


I wholeheartedly agree with this, without any of these the relationship will break down.


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## voivod

Veronica Jackson said:


> I wholeheartedly agree with this, without any of these the relationship will break down.


:scratchhead:


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## Sandy55

*H*onor
*I*ntegrity
*M*aturity


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## oneloveforlj

Respect, Honesty, Open Communication, Willingness to Compromise, Sexual Satisfaction


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## Laurieanne

What do I NEED as opposed to what I WANT ...
1. I need to hear the words "I love you" and not just to have to KNOW that he does. - of course I know he does, but the words are good to hear!
2. That I am desirable to him and he wants to be intimate with me - not just sex, hand holding/hugging/kissing too
3. To listen to me - not necessarily to fix the problem, but just to listen
4. That he will be a good Dad to his kids.

That's the bottom line - but I have to say that I agree with Marina 72 - remembering birthdays, anniversaries, Mothers Days, Valentines is important because they are the ways we acknowledge each other and affirm our feeling for each other.


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## Nobody

I've thought about this question since it was posted, and I've finally decided... I need nothing from my husband. Yes, I have wants, desires and expectations. But I need nothing.
I have often told him that I don't want him because I need him, but I need him because I want him. I suppose without the want, there would be no need?!


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## cao428

to make her feel cherished, and share intimacy ..to feel desired, kissed, touched, romanced, told he loves her frequently, sharing his deep thoughts and emotions, and to be respected. Also to be told she's the best thing that ever happened to him and frequent sex.


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## agatha

to simplify mostly of the answers here, what we need is respect. After that every good things will follow. Like love, faithfulness etc... Or perhaps follow this motto: "dont do to others what u dont want them to do to you."


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## jane.

Eye contact and genuine smiles.
Physical contact.
Patience.
Support.
Help with the kids.

I, personally, couldn't care less about him remembering holidays or my birthday.


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## TriticusFilia

Nobody said:


> I've thought about this question since it was posted, and I've finally decided... I need nothing from my husband. Yes, I have wants, desires and expectations. But I need nothing.
> I have often told him that I don't want him because I need him, but I need him because I want him. I suppose without the want, there would be no need?!


 :smthumbup:

Hear! Hear! 

Haven't come across a jelly jar yet that has got the best of me!
Seriously though, this (maybe just my) attitude has the potential to lead to a resentment of sorts. I do not need my husband for anything, but then again I do not want him to watch me struggle to carry a 32' extension ladder either. So what does that tell you?


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## woe_is_me

i am reading about this in the book the chaplain suggested i read. it talks about the 10 things he needs and the 10 things she needs are the same but usually in the opposite order of importance. they are(in no particular order) affection, sexual fulfillment, conversation, recreational companionship, honesty and openness, an attractive spouse, financial support, domestic support, family commitment, and admiration. i'm loving this book so far. it's "his needs her needs" by wilard f. harley, jr.


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## hopeful?

i need him to listen more than anything. to never make me feel small or incompetent. to build me up always. to be my best friend.


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## themrs

I need my husband to make me feel secure financially and emotionally. I know he won't always succeed at providing me the nicest things, but that's not as important to me as seeing he is trying to get them and knowing that he believes I deserve them.


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## BiscuitMom

I need my husband to value me-not write me off as stupid, incompetent, and not worthy of an opinion and actually listen to my cares and concerns, whether they are about him or not.

I need sexual intimacy with some focus on my pleasure and lots of variety.

I need openness and honesty.

I need to be told that I am loved multiple times a day, touched with affection, and in general treated as if I am the most special person he knows and that I come first in his life (maybe not first everday as things come up but overall).

and I need help around the house.


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## SFladybug

I resist the idea that I need anything from my husband - I prefer to think of myself as capable and independent. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I long for a mutually shared intimacy with my husband. A place we create together that offers mutual respect, open sharing, playfulness (sexually or not), and a willingness to help when we need it. I guess I need this place to be available when I need it, but I have to admit, often I am not so willing to really contribute to this shared place. Sometimes my resentment of feeling disrespected whether I really was or not, or my fear of being held captive in this shared space makes me fly away emotionally. 
So, then I need my husband to realize that I have hidden myself away and come find me, gently romancing me back to the shared place again. I need a partnership in life but not a crutch.


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## Mogget

To feel desired.
To feel I can rely on him.
To feel that we are friends.

I think that is the briefest form that covers it all for me.


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## noki

It sounds simple but - I want him to want me. As a friend, and as a lover. If I feel like I am truly loved by him (inside & out!) Then I am totally satisified, and will go to great extremes to make him happy as well!


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## OurJourneyAs1

Respect, love, comfort/support and APPRECIATION!


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## Angela @ MH

Women need their husbands to be respectable AND respect them as wives. Never do anything that generates negative talk and speculation concerning your marriage - this includes infidelity among other things. 

This is because women want to feel secure - doesn't everyone? Wives want to feel taken care of, even if they are completely capable of taking care of themselves, they still need someone there to back them up. If they have a bad day or lose a loved one or anything stressful, then they want you there to take over if they feel like relinquishing the reins for a while.

If you truly love AND respect your wife, the rest of what she needs will come naturally - for the most part. However, you must work to impress your wife always. Remember the things you did when you were dating? Do more of that.

You may be thinking these are things wives want rather than need, but in order to have a long, happy, healthy marriage most wives NEED these things.


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## BellaOnlineMarriageEditor

To be loved, accepted, appreciated, admired and respected. And great sex helps, too!


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## brawife

1) Honesty, Honesty, Honesty about their feelings and 2)true caring. I do not know about you ladies but to me honesty and caring are the first two building blocks of marriage. Why, because we are two different individuals who are really "growing each other." When I say growing each other, I mean building each other as you both grow together. 

Husbands,should know their wifes weaknesses and strengths. Complement them on their strengths and try to help them with their weaknesses. This may involve the third building block.
That is 3) Sacrificial Love. A man who truly loves his wife will step into the gap when he knows that she is facing something overwhelming. For example, if you know your wife is indecisive, you do not constantly put her in a position to make decisions and then get upset when she wobbles from here to there trying to make the best decision she knows how. Let her know that it bothers you that she cannot seem to make up her mind and that you will make the decision and would like it if she sticks by it.

Women have a great need to feel LOVED. Love making makes a woman feel loved. and they will do almost anything to get it from the man that they love,

So here is my top Four

1) Honesty 
2) Caring (helping your spouse become a better person)
3) Sacrificial Love (This is a hard one for many men) Maybe they do not know how, but if your wife sees that you stand in the gap for her at her most vulnerable times, she is going to respect, admire, love, cherish you in ways you cannot even imagine.
4) Love making. Not Sex. Women give sex to get love and men declare love to get sex. Making love is much more intimate. and involves HONESTY, CARING and Sacrifical Love.


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## x2startermom

Learn her/his love language.


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## lost2010

For me personally:

1. Love
2. Respect
3. Honesty- no matter how bad or little it is hoesty is better for me than the lies- lies ALWAYS get caught , and then the person lied to feels twice as hurt then if it would have been out in the open to begin with. 
4. Faithfulness
5. Equality in the household- no one's ideas or feelings or opinions are more important than the other. No one's job is less or more worthy of getting out of doing what is needed for the family, etc.
6. Good Father- involved with the kid(s), loving, supportive, can handle the dicipline when necessary, etc. 
7. Can take the responsibility for his own actions.
8. To be able to work together (with wife) to figure out and and accomplish goals for the future.
9. Compassionate and sensitive to when I am upset, hurt, angry, etc (and I would expect him to want the same from me - two way street).

Sorry so long, guess I am needy, but ALL of those above are very important to me, every woman is different though...


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## lost2010

Oh - I left out- need to feel desired- the type of sex/love making can vary, as long as I am not made to feel like I am a blow up doll. There has to be at least sometimes where it is more about being connected and making love.


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## naojkat

lost2010 said:


> For me personally:
> 
> 1. Love
> 2. Respect
> 3. Honesty- no matter how bad or little it is hoesty is better for me than the lies- lies ALWAYS get caught , and then the person lied to feels twice as hurt then if it would have been out in the open to begin with.
> 4. Faithfulness
> 5. Equality in the household- no one's ideas or feelings or opinions are more important than the other. No one's job is less or more worthy of getting out of doing what is needed for the family, etc.
> 6. Good Father- involved with the kid(s), loving, supportive, can handle the dicipline when necessary, etc.
> 7. Can take the responsibility for his own actions.
> 8. To be able to work together (with wife) to figure out and and accomplish goals for the future.
> 9. Compassionate and sensitive to when I am upset, hurt, angry, etc (and I would expect him to want the same from me - two way street).
> 
> -- these also suits me....


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## lost2010

well then  I am not alone


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## jengon555

I need to know that I am loved, and that means I need:

-attention
-affection
-respect


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## pearl18

I have been married for 23 years in a verbally abusive marriage. These are the things I need and don't have:

#1 - Respect - treat me with kindness
#2 - Treat me like a lady - open doors for me, remember little things like B'days, tell me I look nice once in a while, take me out for a date night (we have 4 kids & this never happens)
#3 - Help me w/the little things sometimes -- like bringing in the groceries, putting away laundry. You don't need to do it all the time but once in a while would be nice.
#4 - Have a positive attitude. Your mood effects our whole family.
#5- Good communication


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## Emly

I need him to remember my Birthday and Our Anniversary because last time he forgot to wish me my birthday.
I need love,care,affection and Importance!


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## shy_guy

Emly said:


> I need him to remember my Birthday and Our Anniversary because last time he forgot to wish me my birthday.
> I need love,care,affection and Importance!


We just had a little discussion about that in the man-cave: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/40360-remembering-important-dates.html

As much as I love my wife, that one instills fear in my heart because I'm so bad at this - so inclined to forget at the critical moment. I had to find a way to deal with it ... you probably won't find my idea very romantic, but it has worked for me . Maybe suggest it, then forget you told him that. .


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## koolasma

care, attention, sincerity, respect, sexual satisfication 
friendly nature also


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## LovesHerMan

I need to be known. To feel that another human being sees the real me, and is willing to share life's challenges and joys with me.


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## Rasbuten66

Oh how I wish I had found this site sooner. In addition to the honesty and faithfulness I needed to be the woman my husband turned to and confided in. I needed to feel like I was important in his life not last on his priority list. Mine would always "yes dear" me and even though his body language said he didn't agree he'd never say. I'd ask what things I do that annoy him and for most of the 15 yrs we were together he'd say nothing. Eventually he came up with I slam the car door and always lock the bathroom door. Once I told him I met with a realtor about selling our marital home back in Sept one thing he said was that I'd always introduce him by his first name instead of using his relation to me. It never occurred to me and would have been an easy fix if only I would've known. By not letting me know and many other things afterwards he would turn to other women. As an aside it never occurred to me to introduce him as boyfriend/fiancé/husband because I grew up in an nvironment where we addressed our parents friends on a first name basis and even my grandparents. If only I had known...

Now our house sold and we split our stuff and the proceeds and each moved to a new residence on our own. We haven't filed for divorce yet and I know I need to do that so I can begin healing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga

Rasbuten, this is what we call a zombie thread, in that it was started long ago. I'd encourage you to share your story on a new thread, that way more people will read it. And welcome!


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## Rasbuten66

lovesherman said:


> I need to be known. To feel that another human being sees the real me, and is willing to share life's challenges and joys with me.


I agree!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rasbuten66

lamaga said:


> Rasbuten, this is what we call a zombie thread, in that it was started long ago. I'd encourage you to share your story on a new thread, that way more people will read it. And welcome!


Thank you, I will do that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## livelaughlovenow

Conversation, intimacy, emotional connection -share feelings-, leadership, sex and love making and there is a difference in the two, affection, friendship, affection and compliments, but most of all, each of these things needs to be with intensity, with feeling, we can tell when something is done out of duty, just like you men say, and it sucks, we can tell when you say, you look nice, versus, wow is that a new dress, you look hot! kwim?


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## stepfordwife

DeniseK said:


> Each of us needs something different. Some women are more independent. Some women need to feel needed. And some of us just need to feel like we are the most important thing to you. Remember that the husband is. usually the leader. Any family unit runs better if the leader is considerate of all the members. I'm not saying you are the ultimate boss...just the top dog on the responsibility chain....think of the wife as the other half of you. How do you treat yourself? Do you go long peroids without talking to yourself? Do you ignore your own feelings? Do say negative things to yourself? Do you spend lots of time doing things that hurt yourself? Would you starve yourself? Silly Questions, but if your wife is supposed to be your other half....just treat her like she is. I think you might find that her needs will be met and so will yours.


Woah, definately right on.


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## Nomads

Hmmm, what do I need from my man? "want" indeed over the top isn't? 

"I need my man to treat and talk to me respectfully"
"I need intimate time with my man (physically/emotionally)" 
"I need my man to be honest"
"I need my man to be responsible"
"I need my man to be the leader of the house (I refuse wearing the pant of the house, no matter how educated and how much money I have)"
"I need my man to have humor (at least laughing when I'm making fun of him)" 
"I need my man to understand and learn" (especially where I'm coming from etc. knowing we are mix marriage couple) so we can grow old together.
"good conversation/communication"

The million dollar question is my man already fulfill my need?   , mannnnnn!!!!! :rofl:


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## bethshek

*One thing that a wife need from their husband is a "total acceptance of who she is". I believe that relationship is a process and it takes time, space, and joint cooperation to make your marriage worked. There will be times for every season under the sun. There will be times of failures and times of success. However, it takes both of them to stand in times of pain ad celebrate together in times of joy. There will be a place of unselfish ambition and as both the husband and the wife will grow together and stand inspite of difficulties, they can make things happen. Every day is a new day i marriage, new ways to make your partner feel the importance, love and care. Make him or her cheer up every day with the few words of love and thoughts of encouragement in your door post and send out cards showing your love and care.*:smthumbup:


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## s1979j

This is an awesome thread to look through for the female points of view. I only wish I had seen something like this before I had gone through the issues I did with my wife. Its really simple stuff that a guy can do. 

Long story short, I was failing to give my wife these needs and now we are on the brink of calling it quits (though heading somewhat back in the right direction). It hurts to see that I did all that to her now. I have a great belief in myself to be that rock for her and to ultimately get to the place we were and even better than before, but it seems like such a long road.


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## DCMarriageCounselor

marina72 said:


> snow..
> 
> mostly I just need him to love me, totally and completely.
> 
> I have found that he doesn't always show me , in the ways I listed above, or in the ways, that I would expect he should/would, or can...
> 
> And that's okay, as long as I know he loves me. He does do the things mentioned above, sometimes... so I guess that is good enough for me. The point is, he tries.


:smthumbup::smthumbup: Love your post Marina. Posting to my FB wall.


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## Ostera

themrs said:


> I need my husband to make me feel secure financially and emotionally. I know he won't always succeed at providing me the nicest things, but that's not as important to me as seeing he is trying to get them and knowing that he believes I deserve them.


On the surface your comment seems rather shallow.. From what I gather you want 'things' from him.. gold digger comes to mind. Sorry just being honest... You want him for the 'things' he can give you. Sad


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## tryingtobegood

reidqa said:


> To feel young and desired, that is the secret.


Could you please explain how men can do this? I have mentioned before that my wife looks young or similar comment, and what i get in return is an smile and a thanks with a facial expression that says "yeah right". 

One time i was so hurt when a waiter(not good looking at all) asked my wife for ID. She was 37 at the time. Well her immediate reaction was blurting out "thank you i could kiss you" How can we husbands even come close to comparing to that?


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## SurpriseMyself

Emotional connection. Shared moments. Laughter. Strength of spirt. Honesty. Flirtation. Makes me think, laugh, smile, and want to slap his a-- for his little pokes that are meant to elicit exactly that response. And surprises. Not flowers or phone calls... Surprise me with who you are, who you are becoming, and make me happy to join you on that journey.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion

Ostera said:


> On the surface your comment seems rather shallow.. From what I gather you want 'things' from him.. gold digger comes to mind. Sorry just being honest... You want him for the 'things' he can give you. Sad


This might not be the top viewpoint, but it is a common and true viewpoint. You ought to thank her for sharing.


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## Forest

Some wives get needs and wants mixed up, unfortunately. Not all, some.

Some think they need attention, compliments, and being the center of everything around the clock, but actually that is a want.

What they need is need is self respect.


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## imranali90

Obviously everyone want love and respect to their spouse.


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