# Visiting Relatives



## cbaez21 (Oct 14, 2013)

My husband and I have been in this argument numerous times.. 

We recently moved away from my family to be closer to his family and I have mentioned I have want to go visit mine sometime soon. I feel like I should be able to go visit my family even if it involves my husband staying home and continuing to go to work and school. 

I am a stay at home mom with my 2 year old, so that means he would be coming with me. My husband thinks there is no reason that I need to leave to go visit if he cant go as well. 

How do you handle visiting relatives? Does your spouse have a problem with you leaving for a week or so?


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

How long have you been married? I could see feeling more uncomfortable with you leaving for a week if you're in a newer marriage, and hopefully less so as time goes on.

How hard is it to arrange a trip when he can go, and how long would you have to wait? It's much preferable for him to go with you, but if there's no way to do that, it's reasonable for you and your family to want to see each other.


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## cbaez21 (Oct 14, 2013)

We have been together 4 years, married 3. He is a full-time student and is the sole provider when it comes to working. So taking off work really hurts us financially. We are already planning a family trip to new york for next summer, so all his paid time off is going towards that. I dont see an issue with me being gone a few days. He used to go see family all the time just him when we lived close to mine.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Does he give a reason for not wanting you to go? Why do you think? Is he afraid to be without you? Does he dislike your family? Is there a money issue? Is he controlling?


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## cbaez21 (Oct 14, 2013)

He told me that we are family and if anyone is going anywhere then it has to be all together, mainly because he doesnt want to be the one left home. But he doesnt have that outlook when its the opposite. If he wanted to go somewhere he wouldnt see it a big deal to leave me home. 

I just dont get it.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

Whaa? Oh no. That sounds controlling and jealous of him. He can up and go, yet you can't? Does he act like this when he's around either your family or his, or just when you two are alone?

Time-wise, how about a weekend with your family instead of a week? (With or without husband, your choice.) I base that more on the idea of traveling with a toddler than on anything else. Tiny tot road trips are...different.


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## cbaez21 (Oct 14, 2013)

TikiKeen said:


> Whaa? Oh no. That sounds controlling and jealous of him. He can up and go, yet you can't? Does he act like this when he's around either your family or his, or just when you two are alone?
> 
> Time-wise, how about a weekend with your family instead of a week? (With or without husband, your choice.) I base that more on the idea of traveling with a toddler than on anything else. Tiny tot road trips are...different.



My family is an 18hour drive away and with a two year old I would probably stop at a hotel making it a two day drive each way. So a week would really only be 3 days with my family. 

He is never controlling or jealous it's usually me being controlling lol. But when it comes to leaving him alone for more then a day he freaks out. He gets antsy when I'm out shopping or just out period when he's home alone. It's like he's nervous I'm never going to come back.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

I don't get it. I wish my wife would visit her family without me. He might not want to be away from his kid thou.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

cbaez21 said:


> My husband and I have been in this argument numerous times..
> 
> We recently moved away from my family to be closer to his family and I have mentioned I have want to go visit mine sometime soon. I feel like I should be able to go visit my family even if it involves my husband staying home and continuing to go to work and school.
> 
> ...


My wife moved across the country to be with me about 25 years ago. I have seen how it impacts her. She is close to her family. Frankly - I dislike them - particularly my MIL who is an obnoxious, opinionated, pontificating, closed minded crazy-person.

Anyway - for the 1-2 weeks they come out and stay in the house - or we to them - I make the best of it and you will hardly ever hear a complaint out of me (within reason) - and if I do - it will be between my wife and I and she is unfailingly on my side too. 

I honestly encourage - in fact insist - that she take time and go out there whenever she wants and see her family and old friends etc, etc. Sometime she takes the kids and I take the opportunity to get something significant done around the house etc. I think is it almost as important that she go herself sometimes. When they are all here we go out to eat and play games (which they love) and we have giggles and I mostly put up with the little demands and needs and annoying crap and try to be a fantastic and accomodating host. I cook for them and remember the little things like how one of them chugs a gallon of OJ a day it seems and that all of them like their steaks WELL DONE. Ugh.  If only those were the biggest probems in my life, ya know?

I think its important to try and respect, within reason, in-laws and family and go the extra mile. My mother has moved away too and now we alternate holidays and go one place for one holiday and the other for a different one. Still - she has been away from her family almost her entire adult life so she gets total flexibility from me.

It has gotten easier because there have been times when we wree young when there was friction between parents and family and us... both her parent and mine. A couple times where I told my mother out loud and iin no uncertain terms that she could not say things or do things like that... and my wife has called her parents out if needed. In short we found out early on that we were on the same team - and that makes a great deal of difference when the petty little issues some up.

I want to doubt that he just doesnt want you to go... is it more that he doesnt want to be left out? Face it - vacation with the kids is important family time and it isnt all about you either.. so that is worth thinking about. Think carefully about how important 'alone with your family and without your husband' is to you - because that is what you are saying - that you would rather leave him home. Its important that you as a family have 'fun time' together too, and not just the daily grind.

We were married 10 years before having kids... so we had time to settle in the relationship and are both more easy going about most things like this.


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