# How do you relate to a woman non-sexually?



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I was just wondering. . .I can kind of feel my body making changes in the last year and I suppose I won't be primarily relating to a woman for sex for the remainder of my life.

I admit I am a bit lost.

Any suggestions?

Does it kind of work in reverse when women, for the first time in their late 30's have to relate to a man sexually, when it's been non-sexual up til thenf (or a lot of the relating non-sexual as per the commonplace story of SimplyAmorous)?


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, can you talk? Hold a conversation? Be an attentive, interested listener when someone else talks?

Can you be affectionate? Can you hold someone's hand while walking? Can you open her car door, put your hand in the small of the back while helping her out?

Can you admire someone's intelligence, wit, humor? Can you acknowledge their emotions or see things from their point of view?

And... why do you think you won't also relate to a woman sexually? Have you read Threetimesalady's thread in the Long Term Marriage section? Woot - that is what I want to be like!

You know, Scanner, I hadn't seen a lot of your posts since I joined TAM, so I didn't have a sense of who you are. But I went back out and perused through some of them recently. You remind me of a dear friend of mine, except that he is twice divorced now with four kids from the second wife (none from the first). He is also adrift, and quite a cut-up, using humor to defuse, deflect, cope, hide.

You know what. Have you considered kind of getting all of your 'baggage' in to place somehow? Considered talking to someone - individual counseling, maybe - to get your thoughts in order, to work through it?

You don't have to float like so much flotsam through a jumbled sea - not if you start to make an effort to get your feet firmly planted on the ground. 

Best wishes.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. As sexual as I am, I have always been able to relate to men.


You talk to them. Shocker.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Have you had a complete physical and hormone levels checked? I don't think it is normal for a man your age to not feel sexually driven. If you do some research, men remain interested in persuit their whole lives although the intensity changes. 

I think it is phychological not physical. You seem to have been building up to disengaging for some time. But why deny yourself a rich and full life now? You could have so much more, a full and love filled existence if you let yourself.

One failed marriage does not define you. You can define yourself by finding out your part in the failure work on that, date women with out expectation of LTR but just to get to know what you want, be honest about your agenda with women. You will eventually meet someone and you will both fall in love. 

It happens all of the time so why is it not happening for you? Enough post-divorce time has passed - now it is time to pull out all the stops and find someone special, this it is not time to disengage. What are you concerned about? Don't let your ex win, live well and prosper. So again, tell exactly and in detail why are you trying to talk yourself into this????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The missus and I became best friends way before we even f--ked each other =/


----------



## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Dont stare at her chest or her lips while talking to her. Always maintain light eye contact OR simply stare between her eyes....that works LOL


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Hey, didn't bug out on you. I'll try to respond later when I have time.

I have to get kids ready, drop them off at school, make breakfast, and poop a puppy. (somewhere in that order)


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Scannerguard said:


> I was just wondering. . .I can kind of feel my body making changes in the last year and I suppose I won't be primarily relating to a woman for sex for the remainder of my life.
> 
> I admit I am a bit lost.
> 
> ...


Not sure what you mean by my commonplace story...??

There is such a vast # of singles out there, I bet the majority feel as you do, just knowing that should help you feel better, you are so NOT alone. I remember when I was scared to death to stand up in front of the class to do a speech, I was so shy back in the day... I remember hearing all these silly ways to get over my fright, one of them -imagining everyone in the classroom was naked.

I think being a superb conversationist is your ticket...., you are smart, educated, a common sensed guy with his own opinions. If you are Polite with good give & take in communication, what else do you need - to reel a woman in.... most of us love to talk! Thrive to find that emotional related bond if you like the woman. 

....Be sure to show interest , looking into her eyes, asking questions along the way, but be careful to not ask too much -as some may feel you are invading their privacy. Strive to get a feeling of what you have in common, shared interests, Philosophies, what you can learn from each other. 

Not talking too much -watching her clues to see if she is interested in what you saying, lots of eye contact, feedack, relatable experiences, just not one -upping her. 

A a little humor is good..I think some go a little too far trying to get the woman to laugh, I would find that pressuring personally. I don't need jokes. 

People are so guarded on these 1st -2nd 3rd dates, it is hard to tell who they really are, I often feel until you have an argument /conflict and recover from that, you just don't know each other well enough, more of the REAL will surface as you go along, but you got to keep her dangling with some mystery -as they say. 

Be honest in all things, humble but unwavering in what is importatnt to you , don't be a camaflauge man - you know all that stuff in No More Mr Nice Guy. She will have respect for that. 

So you are loosing your sex drive ? 

What are YOU looking for in a woman-- that is the question?


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

No, your "commonplace" story sounded like (to me) that after many years of a blah-zay sex drive, you had to relate to your husband sexually circa Age 35, just like men. . .after years of being eternally horny have to relate to women non-sexually.

Is this a fair generalization?

Was that a fair summary of what you as a successful couple went through?

Anyway, no. . .my sex drive is still there definitely, it's just that wow. . .it's not there like it used to be. . .like I could do it 3-5X/week and be satisfied. It also no longer has the hold on me it once had.

And it's weird; I feel disoriented, unnerved by it.

I was always, I think, subconsciously thinking - how could this lead to sex? Now, I'm like. . .well. . .okay. . .what's this supposed to evolve into? A nice conversation partner? A scrabble partner? Roommate?

I have been meditating that perhaps I don't need a woman. I feel like I am passing up something good though. . .I have a couple women fawning over me. . .(at least I get that impression), and I am like "eh. . .so what?" Great, beautiful, together women in their own right (not perfect, but together).

I know I shouldn't be like that. . .but I don't know. . .not sure what's wrong with me honestly. I really don't think it's the divorce. I have laid a lot of that emotional baggage to rest. . .a lot of it is I feel I doin't have room right now.


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Catherine,

Thank you for your response BTW. . .I'll take it to herat you don't define yourself by one failed marriage.

I should break out the book Failing Forward by John Maxwell again.


----------

