# Looks like it's over.



## JustAnotherGuy (Jul 5, 2012)

For anyone who read my previous thread (which is currently deleted), I asked my wife to do a polygraph in order to prove that she was no longer lying to me, she decided to leave me, although still claiming she isn't lying. I find that doubtful, since she's decided to leave.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

So sorry :-(


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

JustAnotherGuy said:


> For anyone who read my previous thread (which is currently deleted), I asked my wife to do a polygraph in order to prove that she was no longer lying to me, she decided to leave me, although still claiming she isn't lying. I find that doubtful, since she's decided to leave.


Polygraphs don't hold up in court even at the criminal level, so I don't think you can force her to take one. 

Since she left, her attorney would likely advise her not to take one, anyway. 

I am sorry you are here.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

As I told you before, there's alot more than she's letting on and she won't tell you the truth. Given her lies mainly relate to her sexual endeavours and the history of sexual abuse, you must atleast prepare yourself that she's done more than a mere EA.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I have no idea whether your wife is lying or not, but any man who asked me to take a polygraph would find his bags packed in short order. Anyway, I'm sorry for the pain you are going through.

(That's not an option in a marriage, and the minute you start mentioning a polygraph, for God's sake, you already don't have any kind of relationship left. And yes, yes, I know this is an unpopular opinion here, so Bandit, et al, don't bother to respond with your outrage. Just say, I dunno, "27" or something, I'll know what you mean )


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

lamaga said:


> I have no idea whether your wife is lying or not, but any man who asked me to take a polygraph would find his bags packed in short order. Anyway, I'm sorry for the pain you are going through.
> 
> (That's not an option in a marriage, and the minute you start mentioning a polygraph, for God's sake, you already don't have any kind of relationship left. And yes, yes, I know this is an unpopular opinion here, so Bandit, et al, don't bother to respond with your outrage. Just say, I dunno, "27" or something, I'll know what you mean )


Even if you cheated? Not trying to thread jack, but if you lied multiple times, trickle truthed your spouse, but then got it and really wanted to reconcile. If he asked for a poly, you still pack his bags?

To the OP, I am sorry that you are in this spot.


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## JustAnotherGuy (Jul 5, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Even if you cheated? Not trying to thread jack, but if you lied multiple times, trickle truthed your spouse, but then got it and really wanted to reconcile. If he asked for a poly, you still pack his bags?
> 
> To the OP, I am sorry that you are in this spot.


Indeed, I agree. If I had cheated on her and was lying, I'd be willing to go to any length to keep her. A polygraph, to me, would be a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I agree! If I wanted my spouse and had nothing to hide. I would take the polygraph.

If I didn't want my spouse or was hiding things that I know my spouse would never forgive/forget, I would leave. Just like the OPs wife did.

Her leaving is a message in itself.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Just be glad you aren't married to lamaga (lamaga you know I love you  ) - you did the right thing. Someone with nothing to hide wouldn't act like they're hiding something.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Sigh. I asked for 27, didn't I?

Okay, here's the deal. Polygraphs are not reliable, so even if your suspicious spouse passes a polygraph, you are still going to have that little inkling of doubt in your mind. Aren't you? Why not?

It's about trust. You have it or you don't. Technology cannot give it back to you, or create it where it is not warranted. /endrant


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Your wife does not give a rip about you. I would take a poly in a minute if that is what it took to save the marriage.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm with lamaga! I would take a poly for no-one, except if required by law....


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Thorburn, if it comes down to a Poly, the marriage is already over.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

I think I remember your thread and it was generally thought that there was much more to the story. Now you know that there was more. I'm so sorry for how this turned out but at least now you won't have to suffer years of trickle truth and doubt.


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## JustAnotherGuy (Jul 5, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> I think I remember your thread and it was generally thought that there was much more to the story. Now you know that there was more. I'm so sorry for how this turned out but at least now you won't have to suffer years of trickle truth and doubt.


Yes, it would seem that my suspicions were correct. My STBXW is now claiming that it was very wrong of me to ask for a polygraph and that it's all my fault the marriage is ending for not trusting her, but how can I after an EA and a multitude of lies about her past followed by more lies each time she is discovered? However, I can hardly see this as a victory.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

dormant said:


> Thorburn, if it comes down to a Poly, the marriage is already over.



I don't believe this. 

I believe there are circumstances where a person may look guilty and has no way of proving their innocence. I can see this causing issues in a marriage. 

A polygraph may be a tool to help prove innocence. 

If the person that looked guilty was my wife, then her willingness to take the polygraph and the fact that she passed the polygraph, may be enough for me to believe her. Even though I know the results are not 100% accurate.

Yes, there must be problems in the marriage for it to get to this point. But the polygraph, may allow the couple to get passed a huge issue, in order to work on the actual problems.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

I stand by my post.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

My ex cheated on me for two decades. This was unbeknownst to me.
I truly believe that she is such an accomplished liar that she could pass a polygraph test without blinking an eye.
When she started cheating, I doubt that I would even have known the questions to ask her since I thought she really wanted to be with me even if she was "distant".


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Sigh. I asked for 27, didn't I?
> 
> Okay, here's the deal. Polygraphs are not reliable, so even if your suspicious spouse passes a polygraph, you are still going to have that little inkling of doubt in your mind. Aren't you? Why not?
> 
> It's about trust. You have it or you don't. Technology cannot give it back to you, or create it where it is not warranted. /endrant


No, but it can be part of the process. Polygraphs are not admissable in court but are routinely used for security clearance. Just because they are not fool proof does not mean they have no value. And a WS willingness to take it is a statement of their trying to reestablish trust. No single action establishes trust - that does not mean the WS does not have to take actions to reestablish it.

Nevertheless, we can agree to disagree.

To the OP, I am sorry you are in the position. I do think that her unwillingness to take it is a sign that ending things is the right thing for you.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

OP I am sorry that your marriage failed. it failed because your wife was cheating on you . The only thing you did wrong was fall in love with a damaged woman. She lied and lied and lied and expected you to eventually fall in line. She probably doesn't know how inconclusive a polygraph is. She thinks it probably is a lie detector and is more afraid of being exposed than staying in your marriage. She realized that you were unwilling to support or continuing the look the other way for her habit. Have you gotten tested for STD's?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

JustAnotherGuy said:


> However, I can hardly see this as a victory.


Why ?

You should feel relieved that you don't have to live with a cronic liar anymore, otherwise you'd still be wondering if she was telling you the truth everytime she opened her mouth and talk.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

JAG,

Of course it is your fault. She lied, had an EA and it is alll your fault that you do not trust her.:liar:

Same old, Same old lies but then again her lips were moving when she told you this.

At least you have an answer just by her actions.

Let her run. That is what cowards do.

Life is going to get better.

HM64


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Polygraphs are not fool proof. Neither are condoms. However I'd rather have them than not have them as the situation might dictate.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Good call on demanding a poly. Those of us who get to the bottom of things for a living support them!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I think she's just trying to bully you.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

JustAnotherGuy said:


> However, I can hardly see this as a victory.


would you consider being kept in the dark while she's pulling trains a victory? Sometimes, and this is one, we find ourselves in a no-victory situation. We just have to come out of it sane. Sorry, but this is the best outcome you can get with a woman like that.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

JustAnotherGuy said:


> Yes, it would seem that my suspicions were correct. *My STBXW is now claiming that it was very wrong of me to ask for a polygraph and that it's all my fault the marriage is ending for not trusting her*, but how can I after an EA and a multitude of lies about her past followed by more lies each time she is discovered? However, I can hardly see this as a victory.


And the blameshifting continues. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. 

It may not feel like a victory right now because the pain is fresh. But one day you WILL look on this and you will wonder why the hell you were with this person in the first place. Trust me. I think back about my ex wife and I'm amazed how I let myself be a doormat for that lying cheater.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

dormant said:


> I stand by my post.


Of course you stand by your post. 



dormant said:


> COSTA, I have to disagree with you on this. I believe, in most cases, if a person gets everything they need at home, the won't need outside stimuli.
> 
> In my case, I avoid conflict at any cost. I did mention from time to time that my needs weren't being met, but my wify wasn't hearing me. *In 2005, I moved out f a couple of months to OW. That didn't work out, but it was enough of a shock to W that she asked me back and started listening to my needs some.*
> 
> We are in MC now to try to resolve more things.


No remorse, just like JustAnotherGuy's WW. You wouldn't take one for your BW either. She needs to come to the forum to get the help she needs.


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## Martin12 (Apr 27, 2012)

Polygraph is a word that's used a lot here, but I posted a separate thread asking whether anyone had actually had their spouse take a polygraph, and nobody answered. Has anyone actually had their spouse take a poly?

I don't doubt that the threat of a poly might get some to confess, but when I looked into it, the polygrapher's websites I looked at recommended marriage counseling first.

It seems a bit kinky to me - a wife strapped to a chair, hooked up with electrodes, alone with a man asking questions of a sexual nature. Scene 1 of a bad porno.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

JustAnotherGuy said:


> Indeed, I agree. If I had cheated on her and was lying, I'd be willing to go to any length to keep her. A polygraph, to me, would be a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things.


:iagree:

Because that would show true remorse, compassion for her feelings, and that you're committed 100% to the marriage. I'd say bring it on!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> if a person gets everything they need at home


Who determine "everything they need"? It's the most ridiculous statement I've heard for a while a while. People has completely irrealistics "needs" (Read wants) all the time. Spoiled brats live in alternative worlds where all is about thier needs. Need is relative. Example; every emotion linked to newness can't be provided in LTRs after while. Yet people feels entitled to them all the time.


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## JustAnotherGuy (Jul 5, 2012)

She is now wanting to withdraw her decision to divorce claiming she never wanted that, rather, she wanted to know a polygraph was less important than keeping her, and that she'll do a polygraph but "it's wrong of me to demand it".

Not buying it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Sigh. I asked for 27, didn't I?
> 
> Okay, here's the deal. Polygraphs are not reliable, so even if your suspicious spouse passes a polygraph, you are still going to have that little inkling of doubt in your mind. Aren't you? Why not?
> 
> It's about trust. You have it or you don't. Technology cannot give it back to you, or create it where it is not warranted. /endrant


The thing is, polygraphs are way more reliable than a cheating spouse. It ain't perfect but you have to do something.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Sigh. I asked for 27, didn't I?
> 
> Okay, here's the deal. Polygraphs are not reliable, so even if your suspicious spouse passes a polygraph, you are still going to have that little inkling of doubt in your mind. Aren't you? Why not?
> 
> It's about trust. You have it or you don't. Technology cannot give it back to you, or create it where it is not warranted. /endrant



The point here is not the polygraph. The willingness to take a poly is more important than the polygraph itself. And why would there be a polygraph in the first place if there was trust.

Go ahead a read a few false R threads. Asking for polygraph signals a serious intent from BS side that he will not be taking any more bullsh!t


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

JustAnotherGuy said:


> She is now wanting to withdraw her decision to divorce claiming she never wanted that, rather, she wanted to know a polygraph was less important than keeping her, and that she'll do a polygraph but "it's wrong of me to demand it".
> 
> Not buying it.


Tell her YOU want a divorce, she has shown you she is not willing to do what it takes to keep you. You need to take control of the situation instead of letting her lead you around.

She is obviously trying to manipulate you so you need to play hardball to show her you are not going to roll over for her. She needs to prove herself which will be difficult since she is a liar and can't be trusted. Not sure how you were planning on staying with someone like that.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

She's manipulative. You already have the answer, she showed her true colors here. Her unwillingness to go with it speak simphonies.

Stay firm. Don't back off on your boundaires/dealbreakers. The ball is (Always Was) in her court. Filing for divorce is not the end.

Keep detaching, hard 180.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

JustAnotherGuy said:


> She is now wanting to withdraw her decision to divorce claiming she never wanted that, rather, she wanted to know a polygraph was less important than keeping her, and that she'll do a polygraph but "it's wrong of me to demand it".
> 
> Not buying it.


If she didn't want a divorce, she wouldn't have had all those EAs possibly PAs.....

Show her you are DONE and the YOU want the divorce. 

Her saying "Its wrong for you to demand it" shows right there she has no remorse and is just doing it to make you happy so she can continue to be a cake eater!


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Proceed with poly but dont back off from D. She is not remorseful enough for R. Her chance of passing poly is 0% she knows that well.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Here's my current problem with the poly...

I asked for one after a month of trickle truth, he pretended to be all for it, even sending me links to ones in our area... But, over the weekend he realized I was serious so he confessed to a BJ on a business trip...

I was in such shock (I was worrying about a full blown affair with his coworker instead.) that I let that poly slip and didn't go thru with it. 

Now months later I realize it was most likely a bluff, he probably told me what he thought would hold me and I'm in the same situation all over again. He is once again saying he'll take the poly, he even sent me an email with dates he could go in. Is this just another bluff?

Cause at the end of the day, I really don't want to put him thru it and to be honest it makes my life feel like an episode of Jerry Springer. I'm not so sure the threat of the poly works?!? 

Either it's a sign our marriage is ruined that it has come down to this - zero trust or it's a way to ease some of my doubts about remaining crap so we can try to move forward. I just don't know.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> Here's my current problem with the poly...
> 
> I asked for one after a month of trickle truth, he pretended to be all for it, even sending me links to ones in our area... But, over the weekend he realized I was serious so he confessed to a BJ on a business trip...
> 
> ...


You make some valid points. However, had you called his bluff and had him take the polygraph, you might've gotten the truth. Instead, months later, you're still wondering if he's telling the truth or not.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

hurtingbadly, your problem is only you bought the usual parking lot confession as if he actually came clean when it was pure manipulation/gaslighting.
You can only treatens and demand what you are ready to follow through. It goes for poly as well for divorce treats.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

So I just need to go ahead, take a deep breath and book the damn thing. It will either help ease my doubts or will put me in a position where I really have to make some tough choices. Cause a BJ with a stranger was a deal breaker, but add a full blown affair with a coworker... It's so sad. Why do people do these things to their family?


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

And I know, it was most likely not just a BJ.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

If the BJ is a deal breaker, then why the need for a 'poly'?

My guess is once you have the poly booked, you will get further confession. Maybe you will need to be actually driving there or walking in the door, but I bet you get more info. before the poly even happens.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> Cause a BJ with a stranger was a deal breaker


Then why are no not divorcing? He at admitted to at least that....


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## JustAnotherGuy (Jul 5, 2012)

I suspect my wife is "calling my bluff", however little to her knowledge there is a polygraph scheduled for this Friday. Her reaction will be priceless. Regardless of the outcome, I still fully intend to divorce her, because I cannot trust her.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Cause I don't feel I'm in a position to do it. I blame myself on that one. I screwed up. I put too much faith in my marriage, I didn't take care of me. I stayed home with the kids, my resume is old, my job skills dated... I've applied to almost forty jobs with not a single hit. It has begun to discourage me when my self confidence was already at a low. I know, I'm just feeling sorry for myself. My mistake. His family has money to give him for a good lawyer, mine does not. His mom will encourage a bitter divorce, she already blames me for his depression cause I won't get over this. I'm being realistic. The court doesn't care what he did to me or that I gave up twenty years of my life to him. It's easy to say just divorce him, but at the end of the day when I'm out there all alone how am I going to pay for an apartment? For food? How am I realistically gonna support myself and two kids? I've run the numbers, believe me. How am I gonna hand my kids over to him for weekends, holidays... HOW?!? My counselor tells me I'm not ready, I'm not. It was a deal breaker to me, I just don't have it together enough to go thru with it. Am I making excuses? Yes. Are they real excuses? Yes.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Why waste the money then?


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

JustAnotherGuy said:


> I suspect my wife is "calling my bluff", however little to her knowledge there is a polygraph scheduled for this Friday. Her reaction will be priceless. Regardless of the outcome, I still fully intend to divorce her, because I cannot trust her.


I will be on pins and needles come Friday.


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## JustAnotherGuy (Jul 5, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Why waste the money then?


Because I'd like the truth for once in our marriage.

Also:
I recall having seen a conversation with my wife and her cousin in which she stated "Oh well, dude has money, and plenty of it". Admittedly, I'm well established for someone of my age (24). When confronted she used the "Oh, I didn't mean it, I was just angry" excuse.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I wish I could remember your initial thread


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

JustAnotherGuy said:


> Because I'd like the truth for once in our marriage.
> 
> Also:
> I recall having seen a conversation with my wife and her cousin in which she stated "Oh well, dude has money, and plenty of it". Admittedly, I'm well established for someone of my age (24). When confronted she used the "Oh, I didn't mean it, I was just angry" excuse.


That's just it. You could just divorce, but you'll still wonder what the truth is. I get that. 

And yes! You're only 24?!? MOVE ON! You have your whole life ahead of you! I'm assuming no kids? Things get more complicated the older you are and once kids are in the picture... Yes, move on.


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## JustAnotherGuy (Jul 5, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> I wish I could remember your initial thread


Okay, to recap my previous thread:
My wife and I have been married for a little more than a year now. 

We have a four month old son. We didn't marry because of the pregnancy. I had known her for many years and I was in love with her from the first sight. We planned on getting married before we knew she was pregnant.

About two weeks after we were married, I logged into her computer in order to install photoshop and her MSN Messenger client came up and I was greeted by the OM. I said nothing, and instead captured all of the evidence of her conversations. When I approached her, she repeatedly denied the accusations and retaliated with comments such as "How dare you accuse me of such things". However, when presented with prints of her conversations, her story changed. She knew she was caught. She started claiming that it was just a joke and she was afraid to stop it because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. Now she will admit that it's because she wanted the attention.

I have also caught her lying on multiple occasions about her past relationship. As my previous thread stated, I'm a secure man and I have no problem with the thought of her having been with other guys before me. It's the lying that is a problem.

I never asked, she volunteered the "initial" lie, which I doubted. She claimed that she had sex with two guys before me, a total of three times. She claimed she used a condom each time, but yet, she ended up pregnant 2/3rds of the time? I find that rather unlikely. She also blatantly volunteered that she had never came or had an orgasm from a man before me. I also doubt that. There are many more similar lies, I will post them here as I think of them.

Anyway, each time I catch her in a lie, she cries and tells me how sorry she is that she has lied to me, claims she feels much better than I know the truth and then swears that she will never lie to me again. I believed her the first time, but not the second or tenth time. It all just turns out to be yet another lie.

I asked my wife to take a polygraph in order to prove that she is no longer lying to me because I can no longer trust her to tell the truth. She angrily retaliated with a demand for a divorce, claiming that forcing her to take a polygraph was a "heartless injustice". She has retracted the demand for a divorce, and says she'll take the polygraph and pass it. I suspect that she has much to hide since she would respond to the request in such a fashion.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Oh, I posted too quickly. You have a baby. 
If you don't trust her this early in the game...
Your baby is young enough not to know any different. I wish I knew about my WS's transgression when our kids were younger. As they get older, it becomes harder I think cause they know better. If that makes any sense?


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## JustAnotherGuy (Jul 5, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> Oh, I posted too quickly. You have a baby.
> If you don't trust her this early in the game...
> Your baby is young enough not to know any different. I wish I knew about my WS's transgression when our kids were younger. As they get older, it becomes harder I think cause they know better. If that makes any sense?


Yes, and you see, this isn't my first experience like this. I divorced my first wife after about 5 known accounts of cheating, dishonesty and physical and mental abuse. No R was possible, because each time she continued cheating. I left her after she attempted to stab me in the back with a kitchen knife. It was three years of her cheating, lying and abusing me. I also had a girlfriend who was a behavioral replica of my first wife shortly after a year of divorce.

I still love my current wife, but I've been through this situation too many times and if it was not for my little boy I'd have already left her. Love isn't everything in a marriage.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

hurtingbadly said:


> Cause I don't feel I'm in a position to do it. I blame myself on that one. I screwed up. I put too much faith in my marriage, I didn't take care of me. I stayed home with the kids, my resume is old, my job skills dated... I've applied to almost forty jobs with not a single hit. It has begun to discourage me when my self confidence was already at a low. I know, I'm just feeling sorry for myself. My mistake. His family has money to give him for a good lawyer, mine does not. His mom will encourage a bitter divorce, she already blames me for his depression cause I won't get over this. I'm being realistic. The court doesn't care what he did to me or that I gave up twenty years of my life to him. It's easy to say just divorce him, but at the end of the day when I'm out there all alone how am I going to pay for an apartment? For food? How am I realistically gonna support myself and two kids? I've run the numbers, believe me. How am I gonna hand my kids over to him for weekends, holidays... HOW?!? My counselor tells me I'm not ready, I'm not. It was a deal breaker to me, I just don't have it together enough to go thru with it. Am I making excuses? Yes. Are they real excuses? Yes.


Where I live, your circumstance would mean you would be entitled to:

1) Alimony - Probably for life because of the length of your marriage
2) Child Support - Until the kids are 18 or finished university.

Your husband would probably end up with approx. 50% of his net pay. You would get the other 50%. You would end up with the house and he would end up in an apartment.

Doesn't matter how good his lawyer is.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Jag,

Just one suggestion.

Do not tell her where you are taking her Friday until you get in the parking lot.

Just tell her its a surprise.

Watch her face when you tell her after you park the car. Her reaction will be telling.

Good Luck,

Hm64


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## JustAnotherGuy (Jul 5, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Jag,
> 
> Just one suggestion.
> 
> ...


That's the plan, to be honest. I suspected she would trickle some small bit of the actual truth in order to attempt to appear me in the near future.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> Where I live, your circumstance would mean you would be entitled to:
> 
> 1) Alimony - Probably for life because of the length of your marriage
> 2) Child Support - Until the kids are 18 or finished university.
> ...


:iagree:

HurtingBadly, do your research! Lots of info is on the internet. Plus you can get a free consult with local divorce attorneys. They typically will give you a 15 minute freebie where you can get some basic answers. They are trying to get you to commit to using them, but nevertheless you can get some answers this way.

We men always complain about how wives abuse alimony laws, but your situation is precisely why alimony and child support exist. Your financial situation will be lower after divorce, but what about your quality of life? Peace of mind is worth an awful lot!

There's a good book you can probably find free at your local library called "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway".


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> Oh, I posted too quickly. You have a baby.
> If you don't trust her this early in the game...
> Your baby is young enough not to know any different.


DNA the baby. Even if you think it looks just like you.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> DNA the baby. Even if you think it looks just like you.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


Before the poly do the DNA test.

The child may not be your. She is a horrific lair and cheat without any respect for you. She married you for your money.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> Where I live, your circumstance would mean you would be entitled to:
> 
> 1) Alimony - Probably for life because of the length of your marriage
> 2) Child Support - Until the kids are 18 or finished university.
> ...


I'm pretty sure I don't have enough evidence required by the state I live in to proceed successfully based on what I've researched.  I do have a HPV positive test result after thirteen years of marriage if that helps any... :scratchhead:


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

hurtingbadly said:


> I'm pretty sure I don't have enough evidence required by the state I live in to proceed successfully based on what I've researched.  I do have a HPV positive test result after thirteen years of marriage if that helps any... :scratchhead:


So your state isn't 'no fault'? 

Where I am from, you can get a divorce simply because you 'want a divorce'. I don't like that much, but I understand why it is that way.

I think it is worth talking to a lawyer about your circumstances.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> So your state isn't 'no fault'?
> 
> Where I am from, you can get a divorce simply because you 'want a divorce'. I don't like that much, but I understand why it is that way.
> 
> I think it is worth talking to a lawyer about your circumstances.


No, no...
I can file on grounds of no fault, but it would be way more to my advantage to file based on adultery. That's what I meant.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

hurtingbadly said:


> No, no...
> I can file on grounds of no fault, but it would be way more to my advantage to file based on adultery. That's what I meant.


Still, talk to a lawyer. 

Child support probably wouldn't change because of adultery. Alimony might be different, but the information you do have might be sufficient.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> Still, talk to a lawyer.
> 
> Child support probably wouldn't change because of adultery. Alimony might be different, but the information you do have might be sufficient.


I think the way the custody is split would be a factor, too if I had more evidence?


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