# lost-n-broken



## lost-n-broken (Feb 10, 2015)

Hello all,
I have been with my husband for 14 years. We have two kids together. 

About 4 years ago he had a brief affair with a woman that he met at a bar. He came clean about it and said that he had only slept with her once and said he felt horrible. It was hard but we worked through it. 

Fast forward a few years. Around May of 2014, I noticed that my husband had become close with one of his friends sisters. He told me that she had a lot of issues and didn't really have anyone to help her and to talk to so he was trying to help her. i didn't like it but I left it alone. After all, it was innocent right? As time started to pass though, I noticed that she needed more and more of his time. He was waking up in the middle of the night and talking to her on the phone in the garage. I asked him to back off and cut this relationship off because I knew that it was going to lead to problems. He stopped the middle of the night convo's but maintained regular contact. In August, a friend of mine called and told me that she had been told by the sister of the girl my husband was "friending" that they were sleeping together and that they had been since March. I confronted him about it and he told me that her and the sister had been fighting and this was her way of getting back at her. He insisted that they were only friends. I called her and she told me the same story. At the end of October, he finally came clean and admitted that they had had a one night stand in September of 2013. He said that they hadn't spoken for months after that, but that she had contacted him to tell him that she had become pregnany during that one night stand and had had an abortion. This apparently affected him deeply and they started talking and ultimately started having a very regular affair. He told me that it was over but that he did still want to try and be a friend to her. 

For months, we have been fighting over this. Things have been terrible at home but I hung on because I don't want to hurt my kids. He insisted that they were no longer sleeping together and that he wanted to cut ties with her but he didnt know how. He swore up and down that he wanted me and not her and that he wants to keep our family together and rebuild our marriage. 

A few nights ago, he admitted that they hadn't actually stopped sleeping together and he told me that he loved her. He said he loved me and she could never replace me but that he also had love for her and didn't know how to remove her from his life since she had now been a big part of it for so long. Last night he came home late and when I asked him about it he told me that he had been at her house because she was taking a pregnancy test and it was positive. She's pregnant. 

He apologized for what hes done and said that he needs me and he needs me to be strong for him and be there for him. He kept telling me how much he loves me and how he never wanted to hurt me. I told him it was all lies and that if he really did love me he could never have done this. 

I don't know what to do now though. We just bought our first house. My kids play rep soccer. And i work far from home. I know that taking my kids would be very selfish of me. They haven't done anything wrong and its not right that I uproot them from their home and their school and their sports. But I can't walk away from them either. I suggested that I would look for an apartment in the area and then I could still see them every day. He said he didn't want to accept that. That he needs me and that he can't do it alone. And I told him he wasn't thinking about any of that before. 

I'm just so lost and broken right now. I know we've had our issues, but I've always been there and done everything for him. 14 years is a really long time to be with someone. I don't know how to live without him although i know thats a ridiculous statement given the circumstances. I just don't know what to do.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

lost-n-broken said:


> I know that taking my kids would be very selfish of me. They haven't done anything wrong and its not right that I uproot them from their home and their school and their sports. But I can't walk away from them either. I suggested that I would look for an apartment in the area and then I could still see them every day. He said he didn't want to accept that. That he needs me and that he can't do it alone. And I told him he wasn't thinking about any of that before.


WTF? Your WH is a serial cheater, knocks up the OW, and now there's an OC on the way, and you're worried about being selfish? Seriously? What about him? 

How about you find work closer to home, kick his ass out, take your kids, and divorce this serial cheater? Even now you keep thinking about his needs. Stop being a martyr.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

OP , 

Listen to lordmayham !!!! 

First of all, you dont leave the house. He does. He gets the apt... Let him see what he is losing!!! YOU, the KIDS !!! Hire a high school girl to baby sit. They need $.

Go speak to a lawyer, find out where you stand. Guess what??? Your hubby is scared sh**less right now.. he gonna have two house holds to support now for the rest of his life. He know now he is f**cked!!

You have 2 choices here, and yeap, choices suck! but we all have to go through them!!! You stay as it's been because YOU have been living the way it is now for how long??? or YOU realize it & get out and change it. Believe me, I'm the biggest chicken in the world accepting change... but if you could stand outside of yourself and see what we see, you'ld tell yourself the same things we are telling you... 

~sammy


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

lordmayhem said:


> WTF? Your WH is a serial cheater, knocks up the OW, and now there's an OC on the way, and you're worried about being selfish? Seriously? What about him?
> 
> How about you find work closer to home, kick his ass out, take your kids, and divorce this serial cheater? Even now you keep thinking about his needs. Stop being a martyr.


 Down boy, although your initial response is spot on the last thing she needs is an aggressive reply citing her initial foray into reaching out. 

Now miss L & B,

Mayhem is right. It is time for you to take progressive action and stop his behavior, and by this I mean remove him from the home. His claims of loving both you and her is crap and a cop out to keep eating nice yummy cake. Take the fork and leave. 

If you have a friend and/or family member you can stay with do it and detach yourself for so you can rest and regroup as I am sure your mind is mush right about now. When you get a more level head you will, or should, feel angry about this on a level you have not felt, and I mean real fcking angry. From here you can then begin to dictate your own actions going forward without having to tolerate his involvement. I mean the live of crap about not knowing how to break it off is just that, crap!!. Sure he will be emotionally bothered by this, but that is not your problem it is his. 

For now you should simply regroup and get your bearings. and in time you will see Mayhem is right on the money after a stronger state of mind.


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## BWBill (Jan 30, 2013)

_. . . . said that he needs me and he needs me to be strong for him and be there for him. _

Seriously? Sorry, but your husband is obviously completely self-absorbed. 

He doesn't care about you or your family. He knows what buttons to push and is simply using you. He will continue to use you and play on your emotions until you totally disengage from him.

Just think about the pain and destruction he has and is inflicting on you. It will continue until he is long gone from your life.


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## KingwoodKev (Jan 15, 2015)

He cheated, got caught, repented and reformed.

He cheated again.

Give everyone a second chance, give no one a third.

Serial cheaters are unsavable.


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## loyallad (Aug 1, 2014)

lost-n-broken said:


> Hello all,
> I have been with my husband for 14 years. We have two kids together.
> 
> About 4 years ago he had a brief affair with a woman that he met at a bar. He came clean about it and said that he had only slept with her once and said he felt horrible. It was hard but we worked through it.
> ...


Ok I'm saying this don't take this the wrong way but what kind of an idiot are you married to? All of the cheating and he get the OW pregnant not once but twice. And he thinks all is okay if you just will stay with him? Seriously? And because this has shattered your world so badly *YOU* are suggesting you should move out? I know your mind is reeling but try to get a grip on things. First off YOU are not going anywhere. YOU are not moving out and leaving the kids with him. YOU are going to be the best damn mother to your kids any one can be. THEY need you now more than ever.

It's time for some consequences for your WH. Since he likes "nesting" with the OW so much that he can knock her up maybe that needs to be a full time arrangement. Or he can go live where ever but he needs a big time wake up call and putting him out of the house is a start. If he is so concerned for you and the kids his butt would have been home all the time not over at bimbo's house "helping" her through her tough times.

Recommend a couple of things. You will need some counselling to cope with his betrayal. Secondly you need to talk to an attorney. If OW decides to keep this baby your WH is going to be on the hook for child support more than likely. You also need to explore the option of a D. Really with all that has gone on staying with him is going to be next to impossible. He has broken your trust and doesn't seem sincere about any remorse for what he has done. I'm not sure he won't continue to lie to you and either continue this current A or have other A in the future. Don't try to shoulder this alone. You need help more than ever. Family if they are close and friends need to be there for you. Counselling is almost an absolute need. The one thing you need to know this is all on your WH and not you. He made these bad choices, he's the one that has torn your world apart.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

I agree with the above posters but will be more diplomatic.

Your husband is a serial cheater and lies all the time. he can't decide between the two of you because you are stable and she is the fun one. 

You don't need this. You have him by the balls.

Offer him an amicable divorce after you lawyer up, he moves out and move on.

You deserve better and while he's trying to pin it on you and guilt you into staying, no way. What you are suffering from is abuse. Move on and rebuild with yourself or someone else after getting a divorce. There is nothing worth saving IMO


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

lost-n-broken said:


> Hello all,
> I have been with my husband for 14 years. We have two kids together.
> 
> About 4 years ago he had a brief affair with a woman that he met at a bar. He came clean about it and said that he had only slept with her once and said he felt horrible. It was hard but we worked through it.
> ...


That is a crazy story, I am really sorry for you. Get legal representation and know your rights. Just take your time and don't make rash decisions, get empowered with knowledge first. Do you have any family around? You don't know how to live without him? Picture a life where you are not cheated on and disresepcted, I bet that picture is a lot better than the current one. If you stay with him, you are telling him it's O.K. for him to have a mistress and children with them. That what you really want? Your poor kids have a sibling now...think about that. Do you think they would respect you if you stay with him?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Kick him in the gonads and hand him the divorce papers. Then clean him out with child support and alimony if you live in a friendly state for women with divorces.

Then let him crawling back to you when the lust wears off and kick him the gonads again.

BTW, never say you can't live without someone. All it takes is the 1st step and once you do it, each step becomes easier and easier.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So take your kids! BE selfish for a damn change!

Your husband wants you to be strong?

Yeah. Best idea he had in ages. Be strong and punt kick him into next year!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

I admire your self sacrifice for your children but you are allowing a cancerous tumor of a cheating husband to slowly kill your body and soul. How does that help you or your children? It's time to take out the tumor - your WH - and to begin healing from the betrayal. Divorce him.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

He is not going to stop sleeping with her. Now he has two families. He says he loves two women. He has children with both. You will never have peace if you try to stay with him. You will have a perpetual broken heart. He has been lying and cheating for years and now you are openly competing with his other love.

He is too selfish to do the right thing for you. You need to be strong enough to do it. He may 'need' you, but you need yourself more than he does. Make the break now. You will regret it if you don't. Anybody looking at this from the outside sees this. Wake up and put your big girl panties on. He is not husband material. Tell her that she is welcome to him.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

lost-n-broken said:


> Hello all,
> I have been with my husband for 14 years. We have two kids together.
> 
> About 4 years ago he had a brief affair with a woman that he met at a bar. He came clean about it and said that he had only slept with her once and said he felt horrible. It was hard but we worked through it.
> ...


Focus on those kids... you make HIM get out and get his act together. Stabilize yourself for your kids.... and get legal counsel ASAP


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## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

'Said that he needs me and he needs me to be strong for him and be there for him'... 

What a fricken joke! Your serial cheating husband is a piece of work. Kick his selfish cheating ass to the fricken curb. 

YOU need to be strong so you can kick him out. He does not deserve you... find a new job closer to home so you are there for your kids. 

This story has just completely blown me away. How can someone do this to someone they supposedly love... well, that ain't love that's for sure. It's pure selfishness on his part. And the fact that the OW is pregnant... i have no words.... 

Divorce his ass NOW... he deserves massive amounts of KARMA....


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Sorry you have to go through this.

But now is the time to be strong for yourself and your kids.

Your WH is a complete scumbag and manipulator....do NOT buy that crap about him needing you to stand by him....like he is in some type of life crisis that you need to stand by and support him through.

He is a cheating POS...and a serial one at that.

Expose his A's to all friends and family and file for D ASAP.

Only speak with him about the D, absolute necessities, or the kids.

Do not even consider changing this course unless he ends the A and starts showing real remorse and changes to ensure this will never happen again.

Personally, I would advise you to continue the D no matter what...I consider cheating to be a total dealbreaker....ESPECIALLY if it happens twice.

But if you do want R, you HAVE to ensure he wakes up and makes real changes to ensure this NEVER happens again.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Be strong for him----REALLY!!!!!!!-----I hope you laughed at him

Pay attention to the post above me------be strong for you and your kids

He cheated way back---he cheated recently---he won't drop his "whatever name you have for her"---he is now going to be the father of her child-----IS THIS THE TYPE OF FATHER FIGURE YOU WANT YOUR KIDS TO HAVE??????

It is time for a D., and make sure you get all the alimony/child support you are entitled to

If you spend ONE MORE DAY WITH THIS LOSER POS YOU HAVE FOR A H.-------then that is ONE MORE COMPLETELY WASTED DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Dday

I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but I'll say it anyway. What do you want, reconciliation or divorce? Once you have chosen then appropriate action can be taken. However, that doesn't mean you can't start taking steps to protect yourself now. Things like the 180, separate bank accounts, and taking to an attorney to know your rights. I can tell you if I were in your shoes what I would do and why. I would divorce. He has cheated twice if I read that correctly. A first chance, ok I can see doing that, a second chance not on your life. My WW gets one chance, I couldn't even begin to try to go through this again. Good luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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