# what did u put in your sep. agreements



## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

just wondering what kinds of things u put in ur sep. agreement or things u wish u had in it now.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

There's a separation agreement? :scratchhead:

Well, my husband pays for the health insurance..about $1500/month, which comes to roughly $375/month. He paid to move us, to fix my Jeep ($1400) to buy me a futon (another $1400) and buy my son some clothes. I get water for my work truck from him and have a lot of my kayaking equipment, tools/car stuff and camping equipment plus my Jeep doors at his house. I guess that saves me money in storage and hassle as well. 

But nothing in writing. People tell me to get support from him but I don't know if I'd get much more if I tried to take him to court. I might even get less. He's not making an income and his inheritance isn't considered "community" property. 

I basically take care of my household expenses, food for me and the kids, etc. He has a house he's paying for as well. 

I guess if he continues to help us out in emergencies, stores my stuff at his house, gives me water and pays the insurance I can't complain.

No plans to divorce in the foreseeable future. I'm in a holding pattern.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Are you separating on the way to divorce, or separating to work on things? There's a big difference. Take a browse through some of the threads, I had one asking for advice not long ago that I got good feedback on. I was able to draft up some proposals for H and sent them via email and he responded. 

If you have kids, you need to figure out how that will work. Definitely state whether dating is okay. How often should contact take place? Financial agreements, other responsibilities. I'm not much help because I'm about to get separated. Well, H is staying with his parents and coming back and acting like he still lives here. But I told him not to come back last night, so I guess I am separated.  But that's a whole other story.


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## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

no sep. on the way to divorce in 11 months lol 
we have children. we are trying to figure out what's fair as far as access is concerned like every other weekend and one night a week he can see them. holidays etc. wondering how others worked those things out. did it change each year or pretty much stay the same.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Sorry to hear that.  What I've seen as most common is every other weekend, but then at least one weekday that is with the dad. Like Wednesdays or something. With holidays, you alternate holidays, and then the following year it would flip. So you'd have them on Easter this year, but not the next holiday and then he'd have them the next Easter. But it's also important to let the kids have access to him. So if they want to talk to him or visit him, you both try to make that happen. Which also means when he's with them if they want to talk or see you that should be able to happen.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

LonelyNLost said:


> Definitely state whether dating is okay.


Ah yes, the dating. We did discuss that. He said something like "I know that woman who are separated often want to sow their wild oats, blah blah blah." Like he expects me to go off and date because he's convinced I had affairs when we were married (he is wrong about that). 

No plans to date. Sowing my "wild oats" would be going out to the bars and maybe dancing with someone or chatting but nothing else. 

First of all, if I got divorced tomorrow I wouldn't date for at least a year. I believe that you need to get yourself together before you can give to someone else. I still love my husband and couldn't imagine being with someone else. It wouldn't be fair to myself or the other person to just "jump in" to a new relationship. I would need to make the emotional break with my husband first. 

Second, I got these kids and even if I WERE to date I wouldn't be bringing any boyfriends home. It would have to be at his place or a hotel. 

My husband says he's not interested in dating other women. I believe him when he says that.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

mama said:


> we have children. we are trying to figure out what's fair as far as access is concerned like every other weekend and one night a week he can see them. holidays etc. wondering how others worked those things out. did it change each year or pretty much stay the same.


He's allowed to see the kids any time he wants. My daughter won't have anything to do with my husband. My son sees him every weekend. They make their own arrangements on that. My daughter is 16. My son is 13. They are old enough to call the shots. 

Holidays? I'm inclined to have him spend the holidays with us if he wants. It would be cruel not to invite him because he doesn't have anyone but us. I just couldn't do that to him. My daughter is horrified at the idea but of course my son would want his father there so I think she'll be outvoted. I guess we'll figure it out in November before the holiday season. We got awhile to wait.


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## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

what about other things like photocopying report cards etc. 

he is seeing someone already. a month into the sep. lol


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

mama said:


> he is seeing someone already. a month into the sep. lol



Nice. How f*ucked up is that? 

Report cards? I just tell my husband about those. If he wants to see anything he can. It's not big deal. I even asked him if he wanted to attend my son's teacher conferences last month. He didn't. *shrug* So I went alone. 

I have no problems talking to my husband. We got on well if we keep it light and friendly. No deep conversations and we're good to go. If he wants to know something about the kids or see them or whatever he can. I think it helps that my kids are older. 

I guess we have a very casual separation.  I think it's true that if you are aiming for divorce you need to go about it differently. I don't know if my husband and I are ever going to reconcile but I'd always like to be friends with him.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

mama said:


> what about other things like photocopying report cards etc.
> 
> he is seeing someone already. a month into the sep. lol


:scratchhead: I never understood that. Was she around beforehand? 

About the report cards, if he wants one, a lot of times the school will send two if you ask.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

LonelyNLost said:


> :scratchhead: I never understood that. Was she around beforehand?
> 
> About the report cards, if he wants one, a lot of times the school will send two if you ask.


When I divorced my big saying was, "look after your own schedules, I'm not your wife anymore". It's not that I was putting up a barrier to seeing the kids, it was just making him responsible for his own time and relationship with them. He used the contact about schedules and stuff to keep bugging me. Some people do week on week off - I did the every second weekend with Wednesdays. I would get provisions for health insurance and a life insurance policy with proceeds to kids as security in your agreement (if you even have kids).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

he doesn't work right now. my life ins will be going to the kids as before it wasn't.


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